Darren Carter on Clean Comedy, Street Fights & Adam Carolla’s Wild “Would You Rather”

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Detailed Episode Summary Episode: Darren Carter on Clean Comedy, Street Fights & Adam Carolla’s Wild “Would You Rather”
Date: August 25, 2025
Host: Adam Carolla | Guest: Darren Carter | Also featuring: Jason “Mayhem” Miller

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Overview

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, comedian Darren Carter returns to the studio alongside Adam and panelist Jason Mayhem Miller. The conversation jumps between the craft of clean comedy, social commentary on crime and societal norms, hypothetical “would you rather” scenarios involving strip clubs, and passionate rants about public policy and California governance. The episode flows with Carolla’s signature mix of irreverence, observational humor, and cutting cultural critique.

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1. Clean Comedy & Dry Bar Specials

(Approx. 02:11 – 06:50)

• Darren Carter’s Dry Bar Experience:
  • Darren discusses his recent 'clean' comedy set for Dry Bar and observes that, ironically, clean material sometimes lands better in raunchy LA clubs than in places expecting it, like Provo, Utah.
    • “I thought it does better in Hollywood than it did in Utah.” (Darren, 03:08)
  • Adam and Darren riff on the novelty of being “wholesome” in Hollywood, where edgy material is the norm.
  • Adam recounts his own attempt at a Dry Bar joke, musing about redundant signage (“Corn Maze”), leading to a bit about “fencing ice.”

Notable Moment:
Adam and Darren bemoan the paradox of pursuing the “top of the mountain” professionally and feeling let down after initial success, identifying it as a universal part of the comedian’s mindset.

“A theme is emerging here for us: sort of a letdown, coasting to a stop into the top of the mountain. Now we’re coming down the backside… Soon it’ll be death.” (Adam, 04:54)

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2. Crime, Street Fights & Society’s Morality

(Approx. 05:26 – 15:05; 32:27 – 47:00)

• Crime as calculated vs. impulsive:

  • Adam differentiates between crimes with financial motives (“fencing ice”, theft, bank robberies) and those fueled by impulse or thrill (street brawls with no clear benefit).
  • The panel analyzes a viral “donnybrook” in Cincinnati, dissecting the social psychology of impulsively joining a fight (“random kick woman”) vs. opportunistically snatching jewelry from the unconscious.
    • “These are the scariest people on the planet. Because the guys who rob Kim Kardashian… I understand. I don’t own a lot of jewelry. But I do walk around… and this person just walks by and gets in a few kicks.” (Adam, 10:50)
  • The group plays a darkly comic “would you rather” about which criminal behavior they’d least regret in a hypothetical daughter—kicking a stranger vs. stealing from the unconscious (13:32).

• Hypothetical “Would You Rather” Scenarios:

  • Strip club conundrums: Would you rather your daughter be a topless dancer, the “shag girl” cleaning the pole, or the face on a strip club billboard? The discussion is comedic yet biting, illuminating attitudes about work, shame, morality, and money-making.
    • “I’m gonna go with the topless daughter because at least she's making money right now.” (Darren, 16:53)
    • “If she works hard enough with the coke and the dancing and drops the 15 to 20 pounds, then… yeah.” (Adam, 17:09)

• Social Commentary – ‘Rallies for the Wrong Martyrs':

  • Adam rants about crime victim rallies, criticizing communities that rally around criminals, as opposed to focusing on education and progress.
    • “Stop supporting and rallying around criminals. Stop making this your cultural quest… Focus on education. Focus on family. No other fing group would do this. And this is a problem. So knock it the f off and move the f*** on.” (Adam, 25:44)
  • He singles out the futility of public outrage in place of actual improvement.

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3. Cars, Driving Culture, and Phony Ads

(Approx. 29:18 – 41:00, 45:00 – 56:00)

• Bait Cars & Crime:

  • The “bait car” setup: Adam and the gang riff on California’s regulation requiring placards warning potential thieves they’re being filmed in decoy cars.
    • “By law… they have to have a placard saying you’re being filmed. I swear to God.” (Adam, 27:41)

• Car Commercial Tropes:

  • Adam deconstructs how every car commercial ends with happy families on the beach, roasting it as completely out of touch with California geography and regulation.
    • “That is not as fake as the part where they pull onto the sand, get out of the car… and start a fire in the middle of the beach. That does not exist.” (Adam, 31:26)
    • Calls for more realism—“just end up at the Home Depot—let’s get some work done, people!” (36:09)

• Electric Vehicles & Driving Realities:

  • Practical frustrations: Range anxiety, the “real” driving experience of Teslas and other electrics, with Darren sharing a story of a miserable, slow road trip due to low battery.
    • “I didn’t care for it because he had to drive slow… This thing sucks.” (Darren, 38:39)
  • Discussion of instant torque in electric cars and how it disrupts other drivers’ expectations.

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4. Tragic Truck Crash, Personal Responsibility & Legal Fallout

(Approx. 45:00 – 56:44)

• Analysis of a Deadly Florida Truck Crash:
  • Adam analyzes footage of a crash where a semi (driven by a recent immigrant) makes an illegal U-turn, a minivan collides and kills three. Adam stresses that while the trucker was at fault, the minivan’s failure to brake or react also demands accountability.
    • “Why didn’t the minivan apply the brake? When a car brakes, you have more ballast in the front, more brake bias… I didn’t see the front end pitch at all.” (Adam, 49:27)
  • Mayhem jokes the driver must’ve been “watching the Mayhem show on YouTube” during the crash.
  • The group debates how this case will play out in court, the role of distractions, modern braking systems, and human attention, with Carolla emphasizing defensive driving in a world of distracted and sometimes dangerous drivers.

“Assume there's a bunch of crazy legals that are hopped up on prescription medications and szurup and everything else on the road and you have to drive according to accordingly.” (Adam, 56:05)

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5. Societal Frustrations: Rants on Governance, Business, and California

(Approx. 65:53 – 92:42)

• On Bed Bath & Beyond & California’s Business Climate:

  • Adam reminisces on the rite of passage of shopping for your first home at retailer Bed Bath & Beyond, voicing nostalgia for lost, tangible consumer experiences in California.
  • He then pivots to the real reason Bed Bath & Beyond isn’t returning to California: taxes, overregulation, and hostile business climate.
    • “They want to do business in California. They can’t do business in California because you’ve made it so.” (Adam, 73:59)
  • He lampoons Governor Gavin Newsom’s dismissive response to business flight, quoting Newsom and acting out the logic of “Where are you gonna go?” while listing the exodus to places like Texas, Utah, Tennessee.
    • “It's not often where they're just nonsensical... Kara Swisher… [asks] people are leaving California… and he quotes the great retard Jerry Brown, ‘Where the hell you gonna go?’” (Adam, 86:37)
  • Adam demonstrates, mock-interviewing himself as Newsom, the absurdity in ignoring the state’s problems and blaming those who leave.

• Workplace & Domestic Pet Peeves:

  • Tangent on hotel maids and their compulsions to “tidy up” in illogical ways, namely pointing fans and clocks away from the bed—dovetails with the larger theme of bureaucratic, performative “order” instead of functional solutions.
    • “Spend the extra 20 seconds on the commode or whatever, the fridge. Yesterday with the fan... I want my head out the window.” (Adam, 61:53–62:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Clean vs. Dirty Comedy:

  • “There’s a novelty of being clean… in Hollywood being wholesome is a novelty.” (Adam & Mayhem, 03:14)

• On Street Fights:

  • “The random kick woman? That’s stealing a candy bar but never getting a candy bar. That’s just involving yourself in crime with, no, there’s no upside.” (Adam, 13:48)

• On Strip Club Hypotheticals:

  • “I’m gonna go with the topless daughter because at least she’s making money right now… the one that’s wiping stuff down is gonna get hooked into… being a stripper.” (Darren, 16:53)

• On Community Outrage:

  • “Stop supporting and rallying around criminals… Focus on education. Focus on family. No other f***ing group would do this.” (Adam, 25:44)

• On California Business Climate:

  • “They want to do business in California. They can’t do business in California because you’ve made it so.” (Adam, 73:59)
  • “At what point does the person who runs the place go, you know what? After the 2000th story, I’ve heard about this. I’m gonna look into this a little bit.” (Adam, 82:01)

• On Gavin Newsom’s Logic:

  • “She says, people are leaving California. And he says, where the hell else are you gonna go?” (Adam, 86:36)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:11: Darren Carter returns, discusses clean comedy and the Dry Bar special.
• 05:26: Reflection on comedic career highs and the feeling of letdown after big shows.
• 06:30: Conversation shifts to crime with analysis of Kim Kardashian’s Paris robbery and street crimes.
• 09:41: The viral Cincinnati street fight dissected; “random kick woman” and chain-snatching explored.
• 13:32: First “Would You Rather” hypothetical about criminal daughters; panel debates the lesser evil.
• 16:53: Strip club employment hypotheticals; comedic logic and morality trade-offs.
• 25:44: Adam’s rant on misguided community outrage and martyr selection.
• 29:18: Comedy and legal analysis of “bait cars” and California’s overregulation.
• 31:26: In-depth roasting of car commercial tropes and the myth of driving onto LA beaches.
• 38:39: Electric cars, real-world challenges, and the difference between Tesla and others.
• 45:00: Florida semi truck crash analyzed; take on personal responsibility and legal ramifications.
• 61:04: Fan wars and maid behavior in hotels; relatable pet peeves.
• 65:53: Discussion of Bed Bath & Beyond exit; broader California business and governance issues.
• 82:01: Rant: what it would take for California leadership to listen to business exodus concerns.
• 86:36: Extended parody and critique of Governor Newsom’s response to residents leaving California.

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Tone & Style

True to The Adam Carolla Show’s spirit, the episode is frank, politically incorrect, and full of black comedy, with philosophical moments woven into the banter. Adam’s rants transition fluidly between the trivial and the significant. Darren Carter brings a relatable, upbeat energy, and Mayhem adds comic interjections and left-field jabs, ensuring a lively, rapid-fire group dynamic.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential sample of Adam Carolla’s brand—sharp observational humor, adult hypotheticals, rants on policy and society, and unfiltered takes on contemporary culture, all while riffing with like-minded comics. Whether you’re here for the comedy, debate, or commentary, you’ll hear a little of each, delivered in a way that feels like hanging out in the back of a comedy club with friends.

Transcript

[A]

Well, in this episode, comedian Darren Carter's back in studio. Mayhem's doing the news and we'll do all that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline continues to be your number one source for all your sports betting action. Baseball's in full swing, football is right around the corner, and Betonline's got you covered with the latest odds, breaking news and live scores. Betonline even has live in game betting. While the games are being played real time. From MLB to UFC to tennis to NFL futures, Betonline, that's the place to play. And between games, hit up the Betonline casino. Packed with top Vegas style games, poker and live casino, Betonline has it all. Sign up now and score big. With VIP rewards, level up bonuses and weekly cash bonuses bet online. The game starts here.

[B]

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[C]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Darren Carter. With Jason Mayhem Miller on the new and now saying sooth and dropping truth. Adam Carolla.

[A]

Yeah, get it on. Got a trip again on mandate. You get it on. Thanks for tuning in and sharing, people. Darren Carter, stand up comedian is back on the show. He's got a dry bar. Special. Calm down is the name of special. It is [e-mail] he's got dates coming up as well. Good to see you again, Darren.

[D]

Hey, good to see you. Yes. September 3rd, Irvine Improv.

[A]

How was the dry bar experience for you?

[D]

It was interesting because, you know, I performed a lot of that material here in LA or on the road or even at the Comedy Store in the main room. And you know, there's no rules, you know, in Hollywood. So people are dirty and raunchy and whatever. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do my clean stuff. And I was killing and I have this whole bit about going to getting lost in a corn maze, which is perfect because it's lots of, you know, it's family material, it's punny, wholesome, wholesome, as you would say. And then I go to Provo and it and it did good. But in my mind I'm going, this should be doing better. Why isn't it doing as Good.

[A]

As.

[D]

I thought it does better in Hollywood than it did in Utah.

[A]

You know, that's weird.

[D]

I had that little moment of, ugh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I wonder. I mean, there is a novelty of being clean, you know, at the Comedy Store, I guess. Yeah.

[E]

And Hollywood being wholesome is a novelty.

[A]

Exactly.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's not really a novelty. And also they're like, yeah, we agree with that.

[E]

Court mazes are excellent.

[A]

I tried to. It's funny. Cause driving. I had a joke when I did a dry bar special. And I never really worked it out. Cause I was driving to Provo and I was trying to work this joke out. But if you drive from Salt Lake City to Provo, halfway in between, you'll just see a big billboard and it just says corn maze on it. And I was like, I understand what this is, but if I was an American Indian, I'd be like, this seems redundant.

[E]

Corn.

[A]

Corn.

[E]

Yeah, right.

[A]

But I could. Didn't really work that joke out.

[E]

I think you figured it out.

[A]

Right.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Did you do it on the. On the special Provo?

[A]

I may. I may have done it. I've done two of them, so I may have done it and maybe we cut it. I probably did it and cut it probably didn't work that well or something.

[D]

But it was a lot of fun. The dry bar one was a lot of fun. My very first thing I ever did that was like a special. I mean, it's just. It's probably because it's your first time. And it was at the Alex Theater in Glendale, and there was 1500 people. And they were excited to be there and they were pumped up. And it was like a one and done. So it wasn't like a weekly series of things. And so in my mind, I'm always like, that was like incredible then. Everything I've done since then is good, but not like that. I mean, that was.

[A]

A theme is emerging here for us. Sort of a letdown, sort of coasting to a stop into the top of the mountain. Now we're coming down the backside of the mountain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Soon it'll be death. You know, that's what it feels like.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Well, everything is. Well, I'm trying to think. Many things are a little disappointing. There's a lot of. I thought this would be better, but it's not. But that's. I don't know. That's the mind of a comedian.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I would say.

[D]

I think it's what makes you. It challenges to get even better. Cause then you're like, okay, how can we do this different?

[A]

I'm curious, like who? I was watching a story on Fox News this morning and it was that whole Cincinnati beat down brawl fight they got into. And now the black community's upset cause they want the white guy charged. The guy was beaten to death. They want that guy charged cuz he slapped the guy to get the party started. And it's a whole big thing. But whenever I see there's kinds of crime that I'm interested in more so than other facets of crime, which is, you know, the French guys who held up Kim Kardashian in Paris and took her jewelry, I almost look at that as quaint. You know, these guys were wearing like ascots and caps, you know, and they were average age 71. You know what I mean? I was ever good for them. But I do, I have a context for it. I go, look, Kim Kardashian's in town, she's brought a lot of ice. That's what we call it back when.

[D]

Ice was not so controversial.

[A]

Right, right. Who can fence ice? So now ice is building a fence.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

Back then there were fencing ice. Use that for my dry bar. Okay, hey, how about this mace maze? And what about ice? Fencing and fencing ice. And everyone just sits there going, what the fuck?

[D]

You're like, this kills in Hollywood. It's so wholesome.

[A]

So they go in and they rob her and they tie her up and they take her jewels. Okay, I get it. They want money, she's in town, she's got jewels. And then there's bank robberies. And I even understand, I understand the part where the guy's got his laptop out in front of the Starbucks and the kid grabs it and runs with it. I even understand stealing catalytic converters and pulling copper out of streetlights in la, because you then sell it. Yeah, okay. And then there's kind of random crime where essentially when you become a criminal, you have to kind of weigh like everyone has to kind of weigh an upside versus a downside. And as a kid, you know, when you're nine years old, you're at the liquor store and you see the candy bar, it's like, well, I'd like to eat that candy bar. I don't have money for that candy bar. So maybe I'll steal that candy bar. But then there is a downside, which is I could get caught and go to juvie or call my mom or something like that.

[D]

Or my dad will take me behind the bar and I'll have to eat 10 candy bars.

[A]

Oh, really?

[D]

Oh, wait, that's cigars.

[A]

Hold on. Yeah, I don't know gay slang, but I'll take your word. Take your word for it. Whatever that cigar.

[E]

Eat as many cigars as you want.

[A]

As Sigmund Freud said, sometimes the cigars just a cocktail. But so I. You gotta weigh it. You gotta weigh. And then there's crime. Where there's no candy bar, it's just crime. Do you know what I mean? There's no up, there's no upside. So, like in that beat down in Cincy. And also, these are the two scariest people in the world. The people, the spontaneous crime people. The people who are like, I'm going to walk to the Chick Fil A and get myself something to eat. And halfway through the walk, something happens. And they get involved with the crime. They didn't leave the house thinking about crime. They were going to brunch or out to drink or going to see a movie. And spontaneously through an illegal left hook. Yeah. The one I like the most in that beat down. And we can find.

[E]

I didn't even see this. I'm like, you know what I mean? The prize fight happened and I missed it.

[A]

So give analysis, Andrew. You can find the actual footage of the beatdown.

[E]

I missed it. I'm sorry, I didn't know. This is on the list.

[A]

No, it made the news. No, it just made the rounds. It got to the zeitgeist. There was a big. It was a big donnybrooke. Although I don't think most of the people that were doing the beating would call it a donnybrook. But I want to be racially insensitive, but I just don't feel like great great grandfathers would.

[D]

Is this the one where the lady got knocked out? This happened a couple of weeks ago.

[A]

Yeah. But there's a very interesting point, which is at some point, a rando chick just happens upon and throws some kicks while the guy's on the ground. And now she gets arrested. But I'm saying, I don't know that she needed to get those kicks in to this.

[E]

I can tell right now from this first frame, kind of, you know, urban center. You gotta get your licks in.

[D]

It's like a free for all.

[A]

It's like, I've always wanted to do this for Icy. The chick's in the white and she's just like getting a few.

[E]

She's just Instagram styles.

[A]

And here's the whole point. She doesn't know this guy. Someone just pulled her wig off and threw her on the ground. But the point is, it's like, all right, just stop for one second.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

How motivated can you get to kick? So, like, you're literally walking outside to smoke a cigarette and a random middle aged guy's laying on the ground and like, oh.

[D]

Oh, good.

[A]

Oh, good day. I'm gonna go kick him a few times.

[D]

I knew this was my lucky day. I found the penny and the donnybrook.

[A]

Don't you know. So to me, by the way, these are the scariest people on the planet. Because the guys who rob Kim Kardashian, I know who they are. And also, I don't own a lot of jewelry, so I don't have to really worry about them. But I do walk around and I do go to a bar on occasion and I could end up on the street at some point. And this person just walks by and goes, oh. And gets in a few. A few kicks. Racist stomps to her own detriment, by the way, because she then she's an all white. And then she gets thrown to the ground and her, like, wig. I don't.

[E]

Did her wig just busted off?

[A]

Her wig bust off? Yeah. Okay.

[D]

You know what's interesting? I've never watched the footage. I just saw the.

[E]

Yeah, I did see this a while back. It started out with a little tussle to one guy and then.

[A]

Right. Her wig comes flying off the melee right here. Anyway, the. It's awesome.

[D]

It does look like people are trying to protect the guy on the ground.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, no, there were both.

[D]

So that made.

[E]

There were some people that were like.

[D]

Like, don't do that.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. What are you guys doing? You're both drunk maniacs. You know, I think that it requires that inside the party somebody to go, hey, calm down. Calm. You know, because this guy would have died 100%.

[A]

Dude. Maintain is what we maintain. That's the battlefield.

[E]

Do maintenance. Gotta get shirts.

[A]

So then. So she is kind of the scariest citizen because she's just walking around and goes, I don't know who this dude is. And by the way, he never did anything to me.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not like he stole my car, rear view mirror and just ripped it off and started running with it. But I'm just gonna get a few licks in even if I end up being on the ground with wigless. All right.

[E]

Is team sport.

[A]

And now arrested and now in trouble. That's number one. Then number two. But the real scariest person in the world is one of the women who's been arrested is accused by the way.

[E]

I dated her for like eight months.

[A]

Yeah, no, this one's the best. This one's the best. She's arrested for snatching the necklace off the unconscious woman who was knocked out. I want to bring the parents in, or at least the mom in this case. Dad's probably already in the joint and just say, nice job. That is a fantastic job you did. You raised a human being that is walking around in downtown Cincinnati, sees a woman literally concussed and knocked out, head slammed to the ground, laying there clinging to life, and Instead of calling 911 or helping her, you took this opportunity to snatch her chin.

[E]

Well, it's already that lady's worst day of her life. You know, you might as well add, lost your jewelry.

[A]

What have we become as a society?

[E]

Oh, this is terrible.

[A]

That's what I saw.

[D]

And I was like, I don't even watch this fight.

[A]

I don't want to see it either. But who's worse? Who's worse? The snatch the chain woman. Hold on.

[E]

Sorry, coach.

[A]

Remember the random kick woman? That's stealing a candy bar but never getting a candy bar. That's just involving yourself in crime with, no, there's no upside. That woman. And you can find it. Andrew. Whoever did the kicking, they got seven people arrested. The snatch the chain woman is despicable. But at least she has a chain.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not unmotivated.

[D]

You'd be a good lawyer. You know, you really. I like how you're really analyzing it.

[A]

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.

[D]

It's broken it down.

[A]

Yeah. So now this is the sliding scale we're talking here.

[E]

I understand. You know, the overarching part.

[A]

I'm going to give you two choices. I'll give you two hypotheticals. All right. Yeah. Would you like your daughter to be the one who threw the random kicks for no reason when a citizen was just clinging to life on the ground? Or Ann has a God awful wig. Or the woman who snatched this is your daughter. Or snatched a chain from the unconscious. Now, the unconscious woman was already unconscious. Yeah, I mean, it's not like your gal threw a punch. She was being opportunistic.

[D]

Oh, you know what? Yeah, because then she could always be like, well, I wanted to take the necklace off so no one would steal it. I was protecting her valuable.

[A]

That's probably not going to work.

[E]

Save it for the judge.

[A]

Which daughter? Which daughter do you want?

[D]

I guess I'd go with the. I go with that daughter because then at least you could. You could say that, you know, and my daughter didn't steal. She was helping out the victim.

[A]

No, no, you can't say that. She took her necklace. She's harassed. Which one? We do.

[E]

She's busted. How do you feel about it?

[D]

I guess. Well, no, because I don't like thieves, so. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Oh, man. It's a tough decision. I'll go with the. I got to go, but I got to go with the necklace dealer.

[A]

You go with the necklace, not me.

[E]

But I'm going with that stomper. It's natural. It's in the blood. Downward stomp. They're illegal in the ufc, but.

[A]

All right.

[E]

Street fight, anything. Go.

[A]

It's a coin toss. It's close. All right, next hypothetical. Your daughter. Yeah. Got two more. Your daughter, she either works at a topless strip club as a stripper. Topless, not bottomless. Topless strip club.

[D]

Because she's got.

[A]

That's her job.

[D]

I like the morals.

[A]

Yep. Or she works at the strip club. She's not a stripper, but she's the slightly heavyset gal who comes in with the Windex and wipes every. The mirror down and the pull down in between dances.

[D]

All right.

[A]

That's for no tip.

[E]

In my version, a little heavy set, Also has Down syndrome.

[A]

Oh, no, she does not have down syndrome.

[E]

All right, Sorry.

[A]

All right, she's either the shag girl, little too heavy, probably to actually do the dancing. A little. Not morbidly obese, just a little on the thick side. Couldn't cut as a stripper, or your daughter's up there, but her top's off.

[D]

Okay, I'm gonna go with the topless daughter because at least she's making money right now, because eventually the one that's wiping stuff down is gonna get hooked into the. Roped into being a stripper.

[A]

Eventually.

[E]

Get my daughter start wiping the poles down and work her way up with cocaine and dancing.

[A]

If she works hard enough with the coke and the dancing and drops the 15 to 20 pounds, then. Yeah. So, all right, so your daughter's an earner. She's snatching chains. She's shaking her money maker.

[E]

Exactly.

[A]

She's making money. That's why I see where priority shop.

[D]

Yeah, man, I wanted to fund my next special.

[A]

All right, one more hypothetical for your daughter.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Back to the strip club.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. She is either working at the Spearmint Rhino in the city of industry.

[D]

That's kind of a stripper. Okay. Okay.

[A]

She lives out that way.

[D]

Oh, okay. No commute. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know where your daughter lives, hypothetically. In Your mind. I know she lives in the Cincinnati area. Snatching chains or where is she now?

[D]

I'm glad you said hypothetical because I almost said I don't know where she lives in your fantasy.

[A]

I was like, my fantasy is not.

[D]

That I have an imaginary daughter that's a stripper.

[A]

Do you have a daughter?

[D]

I do not.

[A]

Okay, well, this is your hypothetical daughter.

[D]

This is actually easier to do then.

[A]

She lives around the City of Industry. I won't tell you exactly where. I don't want you going over there. Okay.

[E]

She has a temporary restraining order.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

Glad you're not wiping down windows down, Darla.

[A]

All right, now, she either works at that Rhino, the Spearmint Rhino in the City of Industry, which is fine.

[E]

No, it ain't. I've done some disgusting things.

[A]

I know. I've been there, too. Okay, she either works there, your daughter, or she doesn't work there. But she's on the Spearmint Rhino billboard that's off the highway that millions of eyeballs see every day. And people know. Oh, yeah, Darren. All right. I went to high school with her. She's working now. They never go in. They never know. Lots of eyeballs, lots of recognition. But really not a stripper, a model. But you can't get hold of all the commuters and all the guys you used to work with and all the people from high school and tell them that she's not that.

[D]

Yeah. My answer, I want the billboard daughter. That way she's not technically a stripper. I can be like, oh, she's a model. And sometimes she does.

[A]

Who are you saying that to?

[D]

To anyone.

[E]

Anyone.

[A]

To the millions of eyeballs that go underneath that. You can't get to those people.

[D]

Sometimes it's a Boot Warehouse ad, sometimes it's a Spearmint Rhino ad.

[A]

I've not seen that boot. The Boot Warehouse is the one blonde chick. It's not your daughter.

[E]

All she's wearing is boots.

[A]

She's brunette. The Brute Warehouse chick is hot, but that's. She's blind.

[D]

Well, at least my chip. My. My chick, my daughter.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

At least my daughter I know is hot. If she's hot enough to be on a billboard, you know. Now, I don't know about if she's really a stripper because that could be the daytime shift girls or the. You know, maybe they hit some hard.

[A]

What happened to your theme of making money?

[E]

Yeah. Well, I feel like she's gonna get paid for that billboard, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a one time thing. That's a Buyout. She probably got 800 bucks.

[D]

Unless other strip clubs want to hire her. That's her thing now.

[A]

Now, the strip club, they mean you're working.

[D]

Oh, you're making 800 shift or whatever.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. A lot of cash.

[D]

You know, lonely truckers going by.

[A]

All right, so let's get this straight. Let's review.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

You want your daughter to be the one who snatched a chain off. The passed out lady was almost beaten to death.

[D]

Out of the other options, though.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'm saying it's not a priority.

[D]

But given the two, let's not omit the others.

[A]

Given the two.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, then you want her dancing topless on stage, not the shag girl who going up with the Windex.

[D]

Yeah, okay. Cause at least she's making money. And it's only topless, right?

[A]

Well. And now she doesn't have down syndrome. And now we don't want her working at the strip club. We want her on the billboard. Even though that's not putting cash in your pocket.

[D]

Yeah, I'm. Yeah, but at least she's. At least I know she's pretty. She's on the billboard.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

We need some standardization.

[A]

This is good to know. Yeah, this is good to know. All right. Unless it's like a woke billboard, I'm saying.

[D]

Or they're just trying to. We hire anybody at our club.

[A]

Oh, the chain snatcher was a male. Is that what I'm. Is that what I'm reading?

[E]

Yeah, that's a dude crime.

[A]

All right, let's rework this. You have a son. Forget it.

[D]

I'm already disappointed.

[A]

Forget the son. Yeah, more. I don't know. More. I have twins. You know what I mean? I think I would be more disappointed for some reason. Trying to think if I'd be more disappointed if my son or my daughter snatch the chain or maybe just be a tie. Anyway. Yeah, it's Gregory Wright.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

32, was indicted on charges of aggravated riot and felony aggravated robbery after he allegedly did by force, rip off the necklace of the victim while. Sorry, while. While he was being assaulted by four or more co defendants attempting to cause serious physical harm during the violent beatdown. According to criminal. So wait a minute. He snatched the necklace while he was being assaulted? Or he snatched the necklace off the dude while the dude was being assaulted. Oh, he snatched the dude's necklace. Well, sorry, mayhem, but dudes shouldn't be wearing necklaces.

[E]

Hey, what the hell?

[D]

They should be wearing bolo ties.

[A]

They should be wearing bolo ties.

[E]

Yeah, I was going to say, you get that from your dry bar special?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I came back out.

[E]

You moved to Austin with all the guys.

[A]

By the way, I've never seen a bolo tie store being looted in Oakland. Exactly. Smart.

[D]

I feel like you would get knocked out and they would just leave the bolo tie on you. No one's snatching a bolo tie.

[A]

They 100% would snatch proof. All right, so now the black community is up in arms because they don't like the fact that all seven people indicted so far have been black and there's been no white people indicted. So the black community is angry and they're fired up. And you might be able to find just some footage of, like, black preachers giving speeches. But here's the problem as I was watching this footage and I was thinking, here's the problem with the black community. You should not. Here's the deal. You're now having rallies and you have preachers in churches, and they're angry about the black men who are indicted when the white guy started it with a kind of push slap. And this is an outrage. And there's women behind the preacher and guys yelling huzzah. And what's going on and everything else. That means you have a fucked up community. Because no other community would do this. If a fucking white guy. Daddy go, yeah, fucking throw away the key. Put him in the fucking jail. Asians. Can you imagine Asians? The Asian community, like, coming up. Stop supporting criminals. Stop getting involved with shit that doesn't have anything to do with you. It fucking looks bad. Put your head down and go the fuck to work. Stop having these rallies. Stop getting involved with this. They move you nowhere. All these people that you hold up, you know, all. All the. All the folks like God, you know, hands up, don't shoot. He was a gentle giant. George. Floyd. These are all fucking criminals. They're all criminals. Stop rallying behind them. Stop it. Stop supporting and rallying around criminals. Stop making this your cultural quest. It's bullshit. It's a waste of time. Focus on education. Focus on family. No other fucking group would do this. And this is a problem. So knock it the fuck off and move the fuck on. And, you know, middle aged women coming out to the church to support this guy on a fucking Wednesday. Who's getting the crowd riled up. You get nothing. Here's the thing about everybody. I don't play fantasy football. And the reason I don't play fantasy football is it's a lot of energy and I don't get anything out the other end. It's satiate. There's a problem with satiation. You showing up at the rally, you screaming for two hours, you, whatever, and then you just go back to your shitty apartment and eat your government cheese. Knock it the fuck off. You're not getting anywhere. The guy who gets somewhere is Al Sharpton. He's hustling you. Yeah, he gets paid. You're just a fucking stooge who shows up to these things. And by the way, you're, you're animated because some 32 year old guy snatched a chain off a guy who was half dead on the ground. And that's your hero. Or is it George Floyd? Or is it the hands up, don't shoot fucking gentle giant who just got done robbing a liquor store and then attacked a cop and got shot. Find better martyrs. Jesus Christ, people.

[D]

Amen.

[A]

And by the way, somebody fucking pipe up other than me and just go. Fucking knock it off. Just knock it off. You're not getting anywhere. Why are we last in this? Why are we last in income? This, this is why. This is why somebody said to me, hey, Adam. Yeah, what's up? This is this Tuesday afternoon. Hey, some white guy got arrested. What'd he do? He knocked a black dude out and then he snatched his chain while he was unconscious. I'd go, yeah, I'm not going to the rally. Right. I'm not going to the rally. I don't want the white guy on the street either. Mayhem's got a chain. He values it very much, even if it doesn't have any value and he doesn't want it stolen.

[E]

Good luck snatching.

[A]

Good luck snatching. Yeah.

[D]

You know how they have like bait car where they put these cars in these neighborhoods? Maybe that mayhem could do that, you know, with your chain. You could just.

[E]

Buddy, I lived in one of the neighborhoods and found one of them bait cars and was tempted to take it for a spin.

[A]

Oh, you know, you know the thing about the bait car? That's funny.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

By law, it's probably a California thing.

[D]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

They leave. Oh. First off, they leave the keys in there and then people come up, take them, and they arrest them. And then, by the way, that's when progressives get angry because it's like, how are you supposed to pass a car with keys in it, not steal it? It's like, you can do it. It's doable.

[E]

I had my moment. I crossroads where I almost took was like, just because it would have been.

[A]

Fun by California law, because they put cameras in the car.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They have to Have a placard on the dash saying you're being filmed. I swear to God, I swear to God. I swear to God. I saw a story on this. I was in Sacramento doing a show and I was like in my hotel room and I just turn on the local news and they had a bait car thing and they were showing the kids jump in and the cameras and stuff. And they didn't say anything about it in the news, but there was a placard on the dash, a warning, you know, like they put the fucking, you know, California, every gas pump has say like, are you pregnant? There's benzene in the gas. You're going to get cancer. You know, it's like you're just standing there smoking and pumping gas. What the fuck do you want to me? What do you want me to do, by the way? Yeah, you don't have, you don't have gas station attendance in, in LA or California. Okay. But you put a sticker on every pump that says, this is cancer causing. What shall we do? Like hire a falcon to come down and pump gas where it's like, who, How's. I don't know what the stickers for? What, what are we supposed to do? How would the gas get pumped? Oh, by law, the sticker has to be there. Okay, sounds like one more regulation to me. But the bait car, yeah, it had a placard on saying things fake.

[D]

Well, maybe that's what we could do now for like our car alarms. You know, you put a fake placard in there. So if someone does try to steal your car, they're like, oh, we're being filmed.

[A]

This is a bait car.

[E]

Yeah, man. Every time I steal, I'm near sight, I can't see shit. I just take the car, you gotta.

[D]

Put like the placard and a pair of reading glasses just dangling. So the thief will be like, what does this say? Oh, snap.

[A]

So in speaking of cars and Andrew, you can see if you can find the bait car placard. I don't know if there's a picture anywhere, but in, in car news, I always say the phone. In all car commercials, all of them, they all like to end up at the beach enjoying themselves.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

By the way, it's the tropiest shit ever. Like if I was, if I worked for some advertising firm or something and I was in charge of Volvo or Audi or whatever it was, just pause it for a sec. If I was in charge of that and somebody pitched me and went like, okay, here's the thing. They're driving The Volvo. It's raining. They look at each other. The couple looks. They're good looking. Wife's always way too hot in the car commercial. And they agree. They turn around, they head back down and they end up. And I go stop her. Let me guess, at the beach? Yeah, how'd you know? You're fucking fired. That name is so fucked out. It's so fucked out. There's not an ounce of creativity left in this. Everyone ends up at the beach enjoying themselves with whatever car they purchase. But the phoniest part in auto commercial history. I've seen commercials where a Mini Cooper drives off the Santa Monica pier, goes into the bay, turns into a submarine and goes underwater. That is not as fake as the part where they pull onto the sand, get out of the car in Southern California, start a fire and sit there in the middle of the beach. That's the phoniest part of it. You can't get near a beach in a car. In la. You can park way up the canyon and walk. You can pay 25 bucks and park in some lot somewhere that's 200 yards from there. There's no. I'm out on the sand. I just pull them, pull out onto the jetty. Like you would literally be shot by sheriffs if you try to get your car anywhere near the. These guys are in the ocean.

[D]

I mean, if you're a lone surfer getting in trouble, God forbid you're getting.

[A]

Arrested for paddle boarding. All right, so this. Come here one more time. This is Kia. It's a good looking couple. They're going to Vegas. Now in my commercial, they started driving to Vegas, but anyway, we don't need that part. They're driving to Vegas. They go to a hoity toity restaurant. Bon appetit. She pulls out some little nothing meal and they hop in their Kia and they're like, we're driving back to Los Angeles. And the following morning we're gonna get in our Kia Truckster. We're gonna put the kids and the dog in, and we got Nav. And we're gonna pull up to this empty beach and start a fire. Oh, wow. Sit in the middle of an empty beach with a charger. That does not exist. It doesn't exist. And somebody's gotta start suing these car manufacturers for these phony baloney commercial. They have to.

[E]

I volunteer. I got a personal injury attorney.

[A]

Talk to him about this because I've been damaged very severely damaged. I'm a. I'm a comedian. I make my living with my thoughts.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And I can't think straight now because of these fucking commercials. Always at the beach in your Kia reality. They pull up to an empty beach, yeah? They plug into a pristine charging station, which by the way, would be tagged, oh, yeah, someone pulled the copper out of that shit, the cord. And then they go start a fire in the middle of the beach and they're eating and all things you can, none of which you can do legally. Get on the ground. Get on the ground. Oh, God. God forbid one of them crack a drink. Oh, Jesus. Simply safe. Well, security system that stops the theft before it begins. That's what you want. That's why I use Simplisafe. Because it actually stops crime before it starts. Imagine that. A little prevention. Their active guard outdoor protection has these AI cameras and real people watching your place. So if some creep is lurking around, the agents can talk to them, flip on the spotlight, even call the cops, right then, not after your stuff's gone. No contracts, no hidden fees, none of that nonsense. Over 4 million people trust Simplisafe. So it's not just me. I got four other million smart people who love it as well. Plans start at about a buck a day and there's a 60 day money back guarantee. Try it out. You don't love it, get your money back, but you're gonna. It's Simplisafe, right, Dawson?

[C]

You can get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring and your first month [e-mail] Adam. Just head to SimpliSafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe. This keep your home, your family and your peace of mind protected. With Simplisafe, there's no safe like Simplisafe.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, I think I missed my calling As a songstress, O'Reilly. Love these guys. You know the jingle. They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge and everything you need to maintain and repair your vehicle. O'reilly. I've been using my whole life. I went to the one up on Foothill out here in La Canada the other day, got myself a battery jumper and then went down to the other one in Glendale down the hill. I've been going there a lot, been using them to prep the car. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam. All right. Fakest thing ever makes me mad. And also, I don't like redundancies. Like the Volvo commercial. They end up at the beach. The Audi commercial. Stop writing the commercials that they. By the way, you were inspired by another car commercial that you saw and then went, what if we end up at the beach? Like, be a little more creative.

[E]

They're all meaning each other at this point. Right. They're probably trolling one another across boundaries of advertising.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I wonder what other.

[D]

I wonder what other locations would they get.

[E]

Yeah. What's up, man? Where's your perfect car commercial end?

[A]

I, I'd like to end up at a Home Depot. Let's get some work done, people. What are you guys doing all day?

[D]

Yeah. Romantic dinner, honey. Now it's time to your Kia commercial.

[E]

Melts into the Home Depot.

[A]

Yes. I'll end up at the Home Depot. Let's get some. Put a rack on that Kia. Go to the Home Depot. Toss a few sheets of three quarter good. One side cdx. Fly up there, shop. Great.

[D]

Yeah. Earn your keep. A woman.

[A]

Earn your keep. Oh, that also makes guys look bad because he's got the picnic plan for her. He's making her look good. And the kids are good, by the way.

[E]

Romantic.

[A]

You're bringing that dog to the beach. I don't think so. You're bringing a dog to the beach. You're drinking. You start a fire. You can't do any of that shit.

[D]

No. And you're not going to be by yourself out there.

[A]

I also like the idea that the Kia family lives in Los Angeles in an $8.2 million house. We're Kia. We drive cars under 30 grand, but we live in a house that's 10 million. That's how we roll in LA.

[D]

We don't fly home from Vegas, which is 40 minutes.

[A]

We drive an electric car that takes three stops for charging. That's the way we roll. Check out that ther. That's right. All right. By the way, I don't know if you noticed, but they, I think they CGI'd the welcome to Vegas neon sign because that thing doesn't exist anymore, does it?

[E]

No, it does way at the end. But not on the way out of there like that.

[A]

It was like, oh, it's just on the way in. I thought it was in that sign graveyard or wherever it was.

[E]

No, no, it's right there on the main strip, way at the end of it.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what the range of that electric Kia is, but I've tried to drive an electric car to Vegas and it don't work. You gotta. Well, also, highway melts away at 85 miles an hour. The range that. And when it's hot, it probably goes faster too. It's more in the battery.

[D]

I have a friend that picked me up from San Jose and we went to Monterey for a show and he had an electric car and we had to stop. And it was my first real experience in an electric car. And I didn't, I didn't care for it because he had to drive slow. He's like, I'm running out of battery. And I was. It was getting hot in there. I go, I tried to roll the window down. And he's like, we can't put the AC on. And he's like, when we get closer to Monterey, the air is cooler, so we'll be better. And I'm like, this thing sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And then we had to pull over and charge and it took about a half hour.

[E]

And I'm like one of them planning things, though. You have to be 100 before you go.

[D]

Maybe it's good for like driving around town or something, but not for like a.

[E]

A big long drive. They don't have the technology yet. Good experience with Tesla, though.

[A]

Tesla's good.

[E]

100%.

[A]

Tesla has there and go. Tesla has a network.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

The other cars don't have a network. And also there is a thing with electric cars a little bit that's an issue. And I wonder if they study it, if they're going to study it. But electric cars have like instant torque and they pull hard at speed. And so when you're driving an internal combustion vehicle and you're going 55 or 60 and you want to speed up and change lanes, there's a little lag in there. It's like a little, you know, you have to press on it and there's a little lag. The Teslas are instant torque and instant pull. Right? So anyone who's been in a Tesla or an electric car, you can go down the freeway at 60 miles an hour, just hold it at 60 miles an hour and then stomp on it and you'll fucking go back in your seat quick. You won't do that in a four banger, even a six cylinder, even an eight, because eight has to drop a gear and downshift. And then. Anyway, I've Been like. I've had, like. I've been driving along the freeway and seen a guy like, 100ft behind me and started to change. All of a sudden, that guy made a mountain. That guy just pulled up, like, zing. You know what I mean? And there's gonna be some of that because people. I don't say they're doing it even intentionally. No one really knows how to drive. And so there's just. There's gonna be a lot of, like, zip and zinging.

[D]

There's, like, a rhythm. You're like, okay, I've got time to. And then this other person is like. You're like, whoa. My brain isn't used to that.

[E]

You do?

[A]

Yeah. When you see a guy back there in a ford Explorer from 1999, you go, okay, I got a minute to move over this lane. But. But Tesla could just be a young chick driving a Tesla, and she just pop up. She'd just be there. Zip. Yeah. All right. Other things.

[D]

Can I ask you a real quick question? I know you're a race car driver.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

The first time I got in that Tesla.

[A]

Not always, but sometimes, yeah.

[D]

You're many things. But the first time I was in a Tesla at my friend house down in San Diego, and he's like, watch this. And you did that exact same thing where you floored it, and I'm glued to the seat. I personally didn't like it because it was like. As a passenger. I was like, damn, I don't like it. Go slow down now. Maybe it's different when you're the driver. What is your feeling when that happens? When it goes from, like, zero to, like, really fast? Do you love it or. And also, is it a different feeling if you're the passenger? I don't know.

[A]

Everything's a different feeling, you know, because you want to be a top, not a bottom in that situation. You know, it's a different experience. You're both gay, but it's different. Yikes. You know what I'm saying?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Are you holding with Mike August? We were talking about this.

[A]

No, what I'm saying is, what are.

[D]

You saying about Tesla?

[A]

A lot of people. It's an interesting way to sort of measure general anxiety is to be a passenger while someone is driving progressively more aggressively. Interesting, right? Because you could probably draw a straight line between how anxious that person was and. Or the opposite. Right. And so I'm a very good passenger because I've been driven around in a lot of race cars too. When they sort of show you the track or they show you the car or whatever kind of experience, you know? So there's a sort of have to let go, let love kind of just let it go. Also, I ride shotgun when Mike August drives. He drives like a fucking maniac. Ruin the dashboard with my fingernails of any rental car, if I cared, you know what I mean? So I don't. So he just goes nuts. Now, there are a lot of people that just start. My dad, you know, I could see when I drove, my dad, he thought he had a brake on the floorboard installed in the passenger side of my car. Like, I could see his foot. I could see his foot trying to hit a brake that wasn't there. You know what I mean? But he doesn't understand. You know, I realized, like, as I was driving here, and I get up on people. I get very up on people. But then, as Mayhem sees with the race footage, when you race, you're right on people, and there's people right on you, and they're right to your left and right to your right. You're right on them. You're hauling ass, and you're hauling ass. So I don't have any qualms about being in real close proximity to people who are driving or moving pretty fast. But if I.

[E]

What about that time you got spun out in Long beach or whatever? You know, I don't worry until it's time to worry. You know what I'm saying? Like, we're going too hard. I'll yell at the driver, like, I'll, like, coach him suddenly, you know, that's my move. Hey, hey. But otherwise, I'm like, well, cool. You're driving like a psycho. I'll mention it.

[A]

I didn't get spun out in Long Beach. I had a bitch dive bomb on a hairpin turn and keep taking the wrong fucking line out of it, which pointed me directly at the wall. And then I had to sort of.

[E]

And then you just jammed on the.

[A]

You know. No, no anxiety. I was angry at her for, like, essentially, you know, in a weird way, racing is sort of like wrestling, professional wrestling. Like. Like, you go, okay, here's our agreement. Like, we're going in. We're going to do this, but here's our agreement. And then you catch a fucking elbow, and you're like, what the fuck was that? What was that? We had to. You know, we had this agreement. And the guy's like, yeah, the crowd loved it, you know. And I'm like, yeah, but we had. Yeah, I kind of had an agreement here. The agreement is, there is A racing line. Yeah, you're allowed to pass wherever you want, but dive bombing in on a corner and pushing everyone into the wall is not really part of the agreement. You see what I'm saying? And that's basically what happened with me.

[E]

Sorry to bring that up.

[A]

Now I'm upset. Well, speaking of. All right, speaking of cars then. Speaking of cars, this truck incident in Florida, the semi truck where the person pulled. Where the guy in the semi truck pulled the U turn. And it's always Gavin Newsom trying to blame the Trump administration, Trump trying to blame the Biden administration, whatever it is. Basically the guy came in to the country legally, he got caught somehow. Biden, Trump said, you don't get to have a license or whatever. And then Biden's administration went, yeah, it's fine. And then Gavin Newsom's administration got him a truck driver's license. And then he worked with some company and they were driving in Florida and now three people are dead. So anyway, I don't know this part where we're all safer with these people who are here. I don't know that argument. Like, well, we're actually safer. It's like, I don't know. I would argue that the three dead people in the minivan in Florida didn't think they were safer than illegal driving a semi truck drunk, which is a weapon. It just pulled a big U turn. But on the footage, like, I don't want to do a lot of victim shaming or blaming here, but I do drive the aforementioned race cars. That semi truck's this huge 60 foot long behemoth. This guy pulls a U turn just in front of everybody and this, this minivan just slams into it. So you can see him, he's pulling around, pulling around. And oh, my gosh. And everyone in the minivan is dead. Now we can show it again. But my whole point is, is the minivan seemed to have ample time to see that this guy. Okay, stop it there, texting or something, man. The guy's driving a giant, a giant white truck and it is high noon and there's not a cloud in the sky, right? And so this guy, this guy pulls an illegal maneuver which he never should have pulled, but the minivan should have seen it from about 500 yards.

[E]

It's not even screeching yet. You get what I'm saying? It's not even on the brakes yet.

[A]

Go back to the beginning. Let's just see.

[E]

Man, this is a shame, but yeah.

[A]

There'S a lot of so user error here. Oh, my God. Okay. Did that. Okay. The mini van should have been locked up 300ft before they made contact with the van.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[E]

Protect yourself at all.

[A]

I mean. Sorry. With the semi truck. Right. So now, don't get me wrong, no one deserves to die. And this guy shouldn't have been in the country. And California issued him a driver's license. We issue lots of driver's license to illegals, by the way, because we hope eventually they'll vote Democrat and so forth. Yeah, that's the plan. But when you stop, the Minivan is. Is 100 yards away. Maybe it's 500ft away. The truck is completely crossing the street. And all you would see if you're driving the minivan is a giant white semi. And also you would be driving the same direction as the semi truck. You would see it a quarter mile away making the turn. And it doesn't appear as the brakes were ever applied to the minivan.

[D]

It looks like they're in the, quote, number one lane. Like the fast lane.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Is it? I think the truck was in the second lane, and they turned across.

[A]

Right. So. So the driver.

[E]

That minivan was on Facebook watching Darman.

[A]

Well, there were three people in the minivan.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And that would have. That would have been.

[D]

Oh, yeah, he's from the far lane.

[A]

He's. Yeah, that would have been one person driving. One person who was in the minivan is the question. One person's in the back. What if you're asleep?

[D]

You know, you ever have someone drive and you sleep in the back and you think you're safe and then that happens?

[A]

Well, no, because I woke up an hour before. Yeah. Wow.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You don't sleep in, like, because Mike August.

[A]

No, I know. No, I. I've slept in a moving car, but that never happened. Because if that happened, then we wouldn't be here. Yeah. But no. So everyone watches the tape. And this is my problem in life. You turn on the news and, like, this is an outrage. And Pam Bondi's upset and these damn illegals, and Ron Desantis is blaming. And I'm like, correct, correct, correct. But why didn't the minivan apply the brake? Like I didn't. When a car brakes, you have more ballast in the front, more brake bias in the front. You have, like, 70% in the front, 30%. It's all in the front. So your car ends up lurching, leaning forward, and sometimes a puff of smoke will come out of a tire if you lock it, and at least the thing will look like it.

[E]

So it didn't stop at all. And it just kept continuing straight through. And I know that they made those bars underneath to stop impacts like this from like decapitating people, but I mean, didn't work.

[A]

So was the person driving the minivan literally staring at their phone when they made impact?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Wow.

[E]

Still.

[A]

Because if they saw it 75ft out, they would lock those brakes.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. But they were watching the Mayhem show on YouTube.

[D]

Great show, by the way.

[A]

It's terrible.

[E]

But Ace, the reason that this is a story is that sweet ass Sikh turban bro. That's why everybody's pumped up. Because he looks like, ooh, scary guy. Zim Zim zala bim.

[A]

So I, I can't tell you how many times I've driven in a as a passenger. Especially like with Mike and done like, hey, here we go. And I literally, I grabbed the steering wheel and go slow it down. Break. Yeah, like whatever. So everybody in that minivan is staring at their phone, something.

[E]

Yeah. Or sleeping.

[D]

I'm still pissed that that guy did that from that lane. He wasn't even in the fast lane where he could have been slowed down and then do the turn. But he did it. He crossed lanes.

[A]

No, he had to rig trunk, man. The truck's too long. If he started from the left lane. So the victims of Minivan were a 30 year old male driver from Florida City and then a passenger, 37 year old woman, young, sad. And then a 54 year old man from Miami was in the back. I was all very sad, but do you. All right, sorry. But if I was driving that minivan, I don't think the van would have hit first. I would have looked way down the highway and seen. Seen a guy turning and went, I'm stopping or slowing down or moving over.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

One more time. And let's just again, we'll just try to see if there's any sign of the minivan attempting to break.

[D]

There's the van. I see the minivan in the rear coach.

[A]

Nothing. Look, nothing.

[E]

Nothing. Didn't stop at all. So I mean, you know, it's sad and terrible, but man, this guy doesn't get deserved to get stronger.

[A]

What do you do if you're the lawyer for the illegal who's driving the semi truck? Because you got three dead people, you got vehicular manslaughter.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

You don't want to victim shame too much.

[E]

No. But you go to trial, but you.

[A]

Gotta kinda say, hey man. Yeah. What my guy did was an illegal maneuver.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

$350 ticket and people do that all day, every day. But if you don't apply the brake in the minivan, then yeah, it's terrible.

[E]

I feel bad for them.

[A]

But, but the mini, you can see the minivan isn't even rocking forward. It's not doing any. I mean cars have anti lock brakes. You fucking punch that brake pedal now with both feet and that car will. Right.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's a modern ish minivan. Yeah.

[E]

You have like a Bing at least or the, or slam the brakes, you know, protection.

[A]

It's probably new enough to have anti lock brakes, but maybe not new enough to have the assistance where it tell you to, you know, get your shit together. Anyway, you're right because that truck would.

[D]

Have, would have had to have slowed down to make that U turn. He wasn't going 70.

[A]

First off, you would see that thing in the distance and then as it started to turn in front, you would see that from like a quarter mile away.

[D]

Unless his brake lights are off. His brake lights weren't working.

[E]

Not if you're paying 599 for this only fan subscription.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Sad. No, I'm trying to make. Brake lights are not. But you would see a giant.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

A quarter mile. But I mean at, at high speeds, how fast are you going to make up that quarter mile? There's almost zero reaction time if you're not paying attention at exactly the precise moment when you need to apply. And also if you look to your left once and you look back.

[A]

No, no, no, no. There's. There's ample time. I mean you'd have to be looking down for a while to never hit that price. It is interesting about the backlash. You got time. You got time you don't have. It's not a millisecond. Like you'd have to be checked out for a while. You don't have. You'd see it down the road just like you'd see anything down the road.

[E]

I'm sure they're gonna analyze this whole thing. We're gonna see it on Court tv.

[A]

Well, they're gonna get the phone from the guy driving the car and that lawyer. Let me tell you what Mark Garagos would do if this guy was Armo and Mark Garrigos felt compelled to defend him, which he will do. He'd immediately get the phone and then he would find out that the guy was doing something on his phone and then we would flip the script and that would be sad. Yeah. Now I don't know, I don't know that you can get distracted and you can have an accident and you can have injuries. It's hitting at full speed that caused the death. You know what I mean? Like that. If you punch that brake 100ft out, you'd hit it 28 miles an hour.

[C]

Like you said, the trailer is white. There's a question of where was the sun. Is there a glare?

[E]

It's true. Yeah. It just fades.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

And I'm wondering about the brake lights.

[A]

I don't know. You gotta see that. You gotta see a full semi truck turn in front and take the whole street out. But listen, the guy made an illegal maneuver.

[D]

Right?

[E]

Right.

[A]

What I'm telling everyone all day, every day is assume there's a bunch of crazy legals that are hopped up on prescription medications and szurup and everything else on the road and you have to fucking drive according to accordingly. You really do.

[C]

The moral of the story, pay the attention, the time.

[A]

But it also, it just, it's just insane that it seemed like, like even if a guy's in the back seat looking.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And not on his phone, that guy from 500ft out would be like, ah, you know, like, you know, whatever. All right, anyway. Weird, Sad, strange.

[C]

But 500ft at 70 miles an hour, what's that, a second and a half?

[A]

Cars have a braking. No, cars have a braking distance. Yeah, they'll do about 60. They'll go at 60 miles an hour, they'll break, they'll come to a full stop at about 250ft. I think like a high performance car. Right, but. Well, like a corvette will do it a lot faster than a minivan.

[C]

I'm just talking about reaction time. If you catch it when you're 500ft away from it.

[A]

Well, my feeling. No, my feeling is a half mile back, you should have seen a semi truck making a U turn in front, but maybe a quarter mile back, but 500ft out at 70 miles an hour, you don't have. No, you don't have time. You don't have a lot of time, but you don't have a lot of time. If a deer runs out in front of the you when you're going 70, you have zero time. You know, like there's always that, there's always something. I'm saying something was going on with the guy driving that car where there was no attempt to break. And that's weird. And they'll figure it out and then it'll get ugly because they're gonna find out because what they're gonna have to do to save the driver is they're gonna look into the driver of the van and they're gonna find out at some point, oh, he had a DUI when he was 19, you know, and I mean, you know, whatever. Let's see the phone. They're gonna start getting into that whole world, I'd assume.

[E]

Yeah, once it gets the court system, it gets real ugly, you know.

[A]

All right, let's take a break and we'll do the news right after this. Shopify. Well, starting a business that can be intimidating. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world. They all use it and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel Gymshark to brands just getting started. Get started and with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand style. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create emails and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert. With world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. It's Shopify, right, Dawson, Turn your big.

[C]

Business idea into Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com Corolla go to shopify.com Corolla shopify.com Corolla.

[A]

Homes.Com Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's at. Homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Or perhaps just Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. I think it's all of the above. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home right away. Homes.com homes.com We've done your homework.

[D]

My wife, she doesn't like the fan on and that could be an issue. You know, let's do an unofficial poll. Just us Clap. If you cannot stand a fan blowing.

[A]

When you're trying to sleep, where you at now?

[D]

I have learned to ask that question first because you are greatly outnumbered.

[A]

Now put your hands together if you like sleeping with the fan blowing. You know why? Because we are normal.

[C]

Darren Carter, party starter is on the Adam Carolla show.

[A]

I totally Agree. Fucking love fans. Me, I love fans. Chicks hate fans. That's something. There's some genetic thing that women have with air moving that bothers them. I know, I'm like a dog. I want my head out the window.

[D]

Exactly.

[A]

And I also have a weird semi obsession with symbolic nonsense. Like the maid came. I hate. I don't like having a maid. That we have a maid. The maid came. The maid does stuff that bothers me. Like the maid will take the TV remote and put it in the drawer at the end table. And it's like. It's just a TV remote. It's sitting on a coffee table. It's facing the TV. It operates. By all means, spend an extra 20 seconds on the toilet, bitch. Spend an extra 20 seconds on that fucking shitter. And leave my remote alone. And by the way, don't do the shitter. And then handle the remote. I don't need. It's a TV remote that operates. A TV that it's facing at in front of a sofa, on a coffee table. Spend the extra 20 seconds on the commode or whatever, the fridge. Yesterday with the fan. Hold on, mate.

[E]

No, I was just imagining yesterday with the fan.

[A]

I got the little. I gotta put the little fan by the end table. That just hits me at the night table. It's like a little fan, you know, it faces basically my pillow, my head. I get the fan in the face, right? I like in the face, though. I go to bed. I'm going to bed. The other day I realized the maid was there because the fan, she's taking the fan and faced it forward and face it forward. It's like, thanks for tidying up the fan, bitch. But I don't want the fan. The fan is facing the direction that I want it. You know the other move she does the clock, the digital alarm clock.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I turn so I can see it when I'm laying down. She straightens it out. She faces. She faces it.

[E]

The wall.

[A]

But when you lay in bed, then you can't see. You see the side of the clock. Spend the extra time on the toilet. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. By the way, night mask, nightshade in the drawer. Thank you for putting the thing in the drawer and turning the fan. Now I'll just go ahead and turn the fan and get the thing out of. I will undo. By the way, you think this is like a marine barracks? Like there's some kind of inspection that's going to be going on later on in the day. Yeah.

[D]

She has a Compass and measuring.

[A]

Arlee Ermey's going to come in here with a trash can and a wood spoon. Like the clock, bitch. The clock faces the bed so that when I'm sleeping in the bed, I can open my eyes and see what time it is. You turning it toward my feet is fine, but I'll just have to. Who do you think put the clock this position, Right? Or the fan this position?

[D]

Or at least clean the blades on the fan, right? That's important because sometimes the blades get a little thirsty.

[A]

They're wildly. They're insanely the dustiest thing in the world.

[E]

Okay, Mr. Adam, I do toilet.

[A]

Now, whatever extra time you have, I want you to take the time that you take to take my alarm clock and face it the wrong direction. The direction where it can't be read. Now, it can be read when one's awake and standing outside the bed. But once you lay down, you cannot tell what time it is because you've changed the direction. I want you to take that time. I want you to take the TV remote, put away time, and I want you to take the fan misdirect time and the nightshade dye shade putting in the drawer, take it all out, add it all up, hit the fucking latrine, bitch. Take that extra 41 seconds and spend that scrubbing that shit bowl.

[E]

Okay, Mr. Adam, please stop yelling.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[D]

Yeah, like when I'm in a hotel, I always put the do not disturb. I don't want the maids coming in.

[A]

No, I don't. I don't want it either. I don't. Minivans typically have a stopping distance of 138ft from 60. Well, wow. Stopping distances have shortened up over the years. That seems short to me. You sure? What's a Corvette? What's a brand new Corvette have? It's gonna be like 86ft or something. All right. Sorry. News man.

[E]

Oh, yeah, news up. I think you remember Los Angeles Fire Chief, former Kristen Crowley. She's filed a legal claim against the city that accuses mayor.

[A]

It's funny, in all the cities when all the shit falls apart and all the fuck ups happen and everything burns the ground, then and only then you find out dumb women are running everything. You're like, what? Where are all the chicks come from? We run everything. Oh, that's why it's a shit show. Okay, I gotcha.

[E]

She said that she orchestrated a campaign of misinformation, defamation and retaliation during and after the of wildfires in Pacific Palisades.

[A]

Yeah, they can't stop Themselves. All right. Sorry. Dawson. You have something? You have the complaint, I hear.

[C]

The allegation is that Mayor Karen Bass in the city of Los Angeles retaliated against former LAFD Fire Chief Kristen Crowley because of Crowley's speech and concerted activities. Protected under the labor code in the states. In the state. In the U.S. constitution, Crowley engaged in protected speech to pull the curtain covering lafd, budgetary and other issues that left Angelenos exposed to danger. To punish Crowley for her protected speech and to tarnish Crowley's stellar reputation, Bass made repeated, malicious and patently false public statements about Crowley and removed Crowley from her position as fire Chief. Based on those false statements, Bass's actions and statements against Crowley were solely for Bass's personal gain at the expense of Angelenos. Designed to scare city employees from telling truths that Bass did not want exposed and to misdirect public scrutiny of Bass's mistakes to Crowley, a career firefighter who has dedicated her life to the safety of Angelenos.

[A]

All right, so. So first things first. I love it when everything burns to the fucking ground. And you're like, we didn't have the resources. Stop talking shit, bitch. Well, okay. So what's your premise, Karen Bass? There's nothing that can be done to fight a fire in modern times. There's nothing. No, it wasn't that. It wasn't the defunding, it wasn't the mothballed fire trucks. It wasn't an empty reservoir. Okay, so there's just nothing. We're just at the whim of God, whatever. In nature, it's modern times. But we can just burn to the ground because there's just nothing anyone could do about it. Except for if you were competent, we could have done something about it. But also, it's great because chicks may be mayors and they may be police chiefs and they may be fire chiefs, but they're chicks first and they fucking hate each other.

[E]

And in that vein, the claim demands a formal apology right before the city council to make the case that she should be reinstated as chief.

[A]

And one of them starts talking shit. And here's the problem with all this DI bullshit is you see this 50 year old woman running the LA Fire Department and you go, is she really the best choice? I'll put it to you this way. Rick Caruso had a fire crew save his entire facility in the Palisades. It's the only thing around. Do you think Rick Caruso's fire chief was a chick?

[E]

Doubtful.

[A]

I'm gonna go with no.

[E]

If so she had A deep mustache.

[A]

I'm gonna go with a dude because I'll bet that was the best person for the job. But in la, it's important that we have a mayor that's a chick, even if she's fucking incompetent. And it's important that we have a fire chief that's a chick, even if she's incompetent. You see? You see how it works? Kids, Kids. It's a great message for the kids. It's a wonderful, uplifting message for the kids you have. Here's what. Look, the downside is the entire city's burned to the ground. A piece of shit. But the good news is you have two people with vaginas burning it to the ground. So that's the good news. Kids. It should be inspiring. Ladies, I hope you're motivated by this.

[D]

You can grow up and do this too.

[A]

You can grow up and be wildly incompetent. It's awesome. What a time. It's. We're so much better for it. All right, The Corvette is 115ft. I say that minivan stopping distance is too low.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He's only got the Corvette beat by 22ft. I don't. That feels too. Too short for me.

[E]

We're gonna have to do a test right now.

[A]

I'm gonna. You bring your minivan? Yeah, yeah, I got mine.

[E]

All right, cool. Let's do this.

[D]

I got my semi truck.

[A]

Darren, you got your semi? Oh, oh, okay. I was gonna do a stopping. Oh, we're making contact.

[E]

I mean, you know, I got my sparring helmet.

[A]

All right, let's see. Yeah, let's see. Give me. Let's see. I will say that van.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Was a Chrysler. Was it town?

[E]

Yeah, it was. It looked like a Chrysler.

[A]

Look at a Chrysler, like from like, from like 2011 and see if that what the stopping distance on that thing would be.

[D]

I think something must have happened with like an optical illusion. Now, maybe it could have been a distraction, but I'm telling you, maybe the brake lights were on.

[A]

Let me give you precedent.

[E]

No, there's no lights on the side of the van.

[A]

I'm giving you precedent.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You ready?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

A self driving Tesla T boned a semi truck when the sun hit it and like reflected it. That may have been like polished stainless steel.

[E]

The only downside is it uses all optical sensors.

[D]

How scary is that? You have no. You can be like, stop, stop, listen.

[E]

But when you're driving a Tesla and auto drive. You're driving, you can pay attention still because it'll take some chances.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

2011 Chrysler Town and Country Touring had a braking distance of only 130ft when stopping from 60 miles an hour, according to Motor Trend.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Anyway, we'll sort it out. I'll stay on the case.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Sorry.

[E]

All right, well, let's keep you angry at California. Bed Bath and Beyond says it won't open stores in California. It says, overregulated, expensive, and risky.

[A]

That's the other thing, which is, look, when you're making a decision, forget California, you know what I mean? But you go, I'm going to open a Smoothie Hut, right? And someone goes, okay. And let's forget Nevada versus Nashville or whatever and LA or whatever. Just go, hey, guys, I want to get some money. Darren and Dawson and Andrew and Mayhem. I'm looking for investors, and then I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to open up Smoothie Hut and I'm going to do it it in Pacoima. I'm gonna do one on the west, in the Valley, in Pacoima, right? And then someone would go, yeah, Pacoima is kind of a rough neighborhood. Like, it's kind of a little dicey, a little dirty, a little dangerous. Yeah, but white folk love smoothies. Yeah, yeah, but there's no real white folk over there. It's a lot of Hispanic folks, and they don't want to spend $7 on a smoothie. So I don't think. I don't think it would be good. It wouldn't be good business once you open up in Sherman Oaks. And then I would go, well, cost a little more. And they go, yeah, but that's a better place for it, okay? That's what businesses do. That's what businesses do. Gavin Newsom. They go, well, what with. Well, they don't have. So when you have tons of taxes and tons of regulations and business go, well, I don't think it'd be a good idea to open there. And then Gavin Newsom, because he's such a. A fucking sociopath, he's just like, well, screw you then, man. It's like, okay, tell everyone to fuck off. Who leaves California doesn't want to do, by the way, it's not that they don't want to do business in California. They want to do business in California. They can't do business in California because you've made it. So.

[D]

And I just realized if you had a smoothie, you know, Smoothie Hut in Pacoima, let's say we all put our money in, we open it up. And then we go to work and we're like, where are all these fruit cart guys? On the sidewalk in front of our smoothie hut. And people are just gonna go to the fruit cart and not the smoothie.

[E]

I just leave the bait cars out there for them.

[D]

Oh, there you go.

[A]

We ever find a bait car with a placard on it, Andrew? Because I swear to God, I saw it. I saw it on a news story because it makes perfect. It makes California. S Right. Like we have to, we have to warn them. You're going to be filmed by law.

[D]

Yeah. We have your consent.

[A]

We have your. Sign this release before you get into the base car.

[D]

Yeah. Sign release. They have a pen in there.

[A]

What else we got?

[D]

By the way, I'm not gonna miss those mailers. You ever get those Bed bath?

[E]

I think that actually Gavin Newsom was going to solve the homeless crisis by building it out of Bed Bath and Beyond. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, I used to. I to used. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline continues to be your number one source for all your sports betting action. Baseball's in full swing, football is right around the corner, and Betonline's got you covered with the latest odds, breaking news and live scores. Betonline even has live in game betting. While the games are being played real time. From MLB to UFC to tennis to NFL futures, Betonline, that's the place to play. And between games, hit up the Betonline casino. Packed with top Vegas style games, poker and live casino, Betonline has it all. Sign up now and score big with VIP rewards, level up bonuses and weekly cash bonuses bet online. The game starts here.

[B]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv. Stream now. Pay Never.

[A]

Let me tell you a rite of passage and something I would hope for for any child, even your stripper daughter. Buying your first home. Yeah, even buying your first home is great, but even if it's just like your first place, but buying your first home especially and going to a Bed Bath and Beyond and like walking up and down the aisles and go, I need one of those brooms where the dustpan snaps onto the handle so I don't lose the. That's a good one. That's a good one. And then you start Walking around, you're like, listen, man, I don't even know what a duvet cover is, but I feel like I may need one about now, you know? And you walk around and you see the toilet.

[D]

Put more towels.

[E]

I can reinvent myself.

[A]

Yeah. You start seeing stuff and you did stuff you didn't know existed. You know, there's a pepper mill with a salt shaker built into it. It's one unit and it doubles as a back scratcher. Yeah, that's gonna be sweet. Yeah. And you start putting shit in your shopping cart. You're pushing around like. I remember that feeling going like we. I mean, I grew up in a house. I don't know that anyone ever purchased a new towel. We had weird. My grandparents had weird outdoor towels that would literally hold them up and light would pass through them and they would start to decompose. And if you use your dried yourself, there'd be more shit on you because the towel was decomposing.

[E]

13 year old Adam Carolla rubbing it with the cloth that he was swaddled in.

[A]

Somehow unthinkable to take a towel that was in the bathroom and bring it 12ft out the back door and set it on a chair. Like that would have been unthinkable.

[D]

Drying your car with it.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, everything was old and shitty and nothing worked and no one bought anything new. And all of a sudden you're looking at. You're looking at a down comforter. My fan hits like a weighted blanket. What do you mean?

[E]

I just lay right down in there in the Bed Bath Beyond.

[A]

It had its own smell.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

There's a little bit of candle going on because they had some candles. You know.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

You had some cleaning materials over there. Some. There's a smell of hope. Fresh hope. And they'd pump. If I own that place, I would just pump in the Carpenters. We've only just begun to live and I'm pushing that cart.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Getting myself a towel. Feeling good.

[E]

Admiring all the different towel brush that.

[A]

Can use instead of around with my TV remote. Yeah. You push your way out there and it felt like you're doing something. Yeah. Now everyone's fucking online on Amazon. That shows up three days later. That's not. You don't get the smell.

[D]

I know.

[A]

You don't get the experience and you don't get the surprise buy. Like when you're walking down the aisle and you just turn the corner and you see a cover for the toilet seat and you're like, ew, I didn't know I needed a cover for my toilet paper.

[D]

They even have covers for the toilet paper that goes over.

[A]

Yeah, I'm tired of my toilet paper. There's one thing that never gathers dust. It's a rolling stone. And toilet paper rolls. Like, I don't know why I need to cover. But yeah, there could be an incident where I need this toilet paper needs protection.

[E]

I now want a toilet paper koozie.

[D]

Hey, that's new merch.

[A]

Ooh, look. Look at this frother.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

Sweet.

[E]

I know. Yeah, it's like going to the Sharper Image. If I. I was like super rich. I just live in the future, you know, everything has dual use.

[A]

Do they even sharper images still around?

[E]

Because that's the sense I got when I would go in there, like, oh my. A massage chair and like I would sleep there. Mask and you know what I mean? Like just constantly tricked out with.

[D]

It's like Brookstone and Sharper Image. The same sort of thing. Or I always confuse them.

[E]

One of them. Them must survive.

[A]

I think they all got replaced by the as seen on TV store.

[E]

That's a different category. That's all kitsch.

[A]

I'm.

[E]

Sharper Image is like, man, you're going back to the future.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Sometimes I'd go to the airport and I'd see. I'd see one in there and I'd be like, I want to see what's out now, what's popular, what's. What's the latest, greatest thing, you know?

[E]

Yeah, exactly.

[D]

A massaging chair.

[A]

To live. Yeah. Sorry, kids, no Bed Bath and Beyond for you in Los Angeles or California now. It's not gonna work here. Cause that's also a thing too. That's kind of interesting that I find interesting about governance. You know what I mean? Like if there's a constant, constant chorus. Like it's a constant chorus of, hey, man, we can't do business in this place because the taxes are too high and it's over regulated and it's cumbersome and it's not hospitable. So we're gonna move to Tennessee. At what point does the person who runs the place go? You know What? After the 2000 story, I've heard about this. I'm gonna look into this a little bit. I'm gonna. Instead of calling those people dicks while they're leaving. Yeah, I'm gonna go. Well, maybe there's something to it. These guys seem pretty bright and they're business people. Maybe they know something.

[D]

I remember there was that meme that was going around about Gavin Newsom. Like, it said, like, he's done great business for U Haul because all these. Right.

[A]

Yes. I would be. I would just say micro or macro. Like, if my garden hose was just flopped all over the. All over the driveway, and my neighbor kept saying, why don't you roll that thing up? It looks like hell. And people walking their dogs said, why don't you roll it? Like, at some point, I might go, I'm gonna examine the notion of possibly rolling up this hose and putting it back there. Because it seems like enough people have said enough things for long enough that I will explore that versus telling them all to fuck off. It seemed like at a certain point, I might. Might want to think about it or examine it or just go, look, I get. People are saying it. Yeah. Toyota was here and Nissan was here, and everyone was here and they left. Yeah. Okay. Let's see what they're thinking. Maybe I'll just sit down and talk to them and see what they. What their plan is. Maybe there's a way to woo them back. I don't know. I mean, they're trying it with the film industry. They got super greedy and they drove all the productions out. So they'd like it back. I don't know. Look, look. Would you like production back? Yes. Why? Well, because it creates jobs and revenue and tax base. Okay, I'm gonna make that argument for Bed, Bath and Beyond. You has jobs, creates revenue and a tax base and stuff. Don't. Don't you want this?

[E]

Don't you want to mi ga why you make California great again.

[A]

Right. Why are you making. Why are you doing battle with the job creators? I don't know when they became the bad guys. I know you guys, you hate. Okay, so you hate Bed, Bath and Beyond, and you hate ice, and you love illegals driving semi trucks. Okay, but that doesn't seem like a great overarching plan for your state.

[D]

Yeah, and you're spending more time, like, imitating Trump online. He's got those writers. He's doing, like, name calling.

[E]

Yeah, that's a good job.

[A]

Let's work on this. Let's work on a better climate for business.

[D]

Right?

[A]

There's nobody I know who's not thinking about leaving California. That's not good. If you run a state, you shouldn't have that. All right. I mean, his greatest. I don't know. We should revisit Gavin Newsom. I know I do. But him talking to Kara Swisher about the family that moved to Utah. Andrew doesn't know What I'm talking about. He's going to find it. Dawson will find it. You have to kind of break it down because it's an insight to how utterly insane Gavin Newsom is. Now, there are politicians you disagree with on both sides of the aisle, but they track. You know what I mean? Like, you can go, hey, I want Europe to be on more renewable resources. I want more solar. I think the European continent should be doing more wind and more solar. Okay, that sounds good. And then the other guy on the other side would go, they don't have enough infrastructure for wind and solar, and there's too many winter days, and they end up going back to fossil fuels, and they buy all those fossil fuels from Russia, and we don't want that, so let's not do the change to wind and solar. And you go, okay, well, all right. Wind and solar guy over here. All right, that makes sense. And then the other guy's going, you know what? I don't buy him fuel from Russia, so, no, I don't want. And then you could go, all right, well, that guy makes a point. But it's not often where they're just nonsensical. Do you know what I mean? Like, Biden was that way. Kamala Harris that way. Gavin Newsom is nonsensical, which is weird. So Kara Swisher, years ago, it's only 50 seconds long, says to him, if people are leaving California. This is six years ago. And his answer to her, if the guy presides over the state where people are leaving is, we'll listen. Former Governor Brown said it best. Where the hell are you gonna go? And, you know I love Texas. Don't get me wrong. Is that the new California motto? Where the hell are you gonna go? I don't know, but he said it. And I. But it was an interesting point. You'll stop there for a second. Second. She says, people are leaving California. And he says, where the hell else are you gonna go?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And then she goes, well, Texas or wherever. I don't know, Florida, Texas, Nevada, Tennessee. I mean, pretty long list of where people are going. So he goes, jerry Brown. Former governor Jerry Brown says, where the hell you gonna go? And she goes, what's that mean? And he goes, I don't know. Jerry Brown said, which A makes you insane or sociopath? But then he goes, but it was an interesting point. Okay, so, okay, do you agree with what Jerry Brown said in that? I don't know, Jerry Brown said, or is it an interesting point? Which one is it? He sounds retarded. In the first 11 seconds of this thing. I love when you do this. Obviously, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't care what he's talking. He's just talking. But running from the top. One second. So she goes, people are leaving California. And he quotes the great retard Jerry Brown. Former governor Brown said it best. Where the hell are you gonna go? And you know, I love Texas. Don't get me wrong. Is that the new California motto? Where the hell are you gonna go? I don't know, but he said it. And I. But it was an interesting point. Point. Because where are you going to get so many of the other things in the balance sheet? You are aware that I've lived there for two decades, essentially, and this is the first time I've had people really talking about not being there and not that they could figure it out somewhere else. I don't think that's true. I think they can figure out where they're going to go and then that meets. But it's not a zero sum game. Right? Okay. That doesn't have a friend who just went to Utah. Beautiful. Maybe the right thing for him. They've made a ton of money. They have the ability to take their kids out of public school into private school, and they're doing that. And, you know, they. I imagine they're not going to turn their back forever on California.

[E]

He lucky he's pretty and he's a wine merchant.

[A]

I know. He's fucking clinically nuts. He's nuts. He doesn't. He's asked a simple question. And by the way, Darren, ask me what I think about. I'm running California. Ask me what I think about people leaving California.

[D]

Adam, lots of people are leaving California. What's your.

[A]

You know, Darren, I've heard this and I understand it. And as the governor of that state, I'm not a fan of it. I love California. I don't know where else you're gonna find the Pacific Ocean and Disneyland, you know, an hour's drive apart. But I get it. People are making decisions. And I've seen it, I've heard it. And I'm talking to people and asking why they're motivated to leave. And I'm thinking about doing things, maybe cutting back a little of the red tape, maybe lowering tax base, maybe incentivizing people to stay. But I get it. I have a life to live. Well, it's. I'm going to quote Mayor Sam Yordy from 1964. He said, don't let the door Hit you in the ass on the way out, broseph.

[D]

No. Is that something you agree with or no?

[A]

No, he said it.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

But he made a very interesting point indeed. Hey, I know a couple.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They're affluent.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Starting to have a family. And they moved to Boise, Idaho, and they're doing great over there. And they got their kids in a private school.

[D]

And are they gonna come back to California?

[A]

They used to live in Encino.

[D]

Mm.

[A]

And they're in Boise. And hey, good for them, because they're enjoying themselves. I imagine someday, if the wind's blowing just right and the stars align, they may find their way back at some point. Maybe after the fires. After we put out all the fires, I could see them. They're in Boise now. I know another couple.

[D]

Let me ask you.

[A]

They moved to Henderson, Nevada.

[D]

The movie industry.

[A]

And they're doing great.

[D]

The movie industry is shutting down. There's not a lot of production. There's a lot of. There's fires.

[A]

The guy moved to Nevada was in the moving movie industry. And look, I know another couple, moved to Nashville. Hey, good for them. They're doing great. Does that answer your question about people leaving? No, I just cited couples that left.

[D]

But why aren't people coming here? And why aren't businesses happening? And do you have any more platitudes for us?

[A]

Yeah, I do.

[D]

Yes. Oh, gosh.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Love this governor.

[A]

So LeVar Burton once said when he was talking about Nabisco leaving California, he said, hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. Now, that's a Ray Charles song. But it was quoted by LeVar Burton.

[E]

Yeah. Take a look. It's in a book.

[D]

I know. It's Reading Rainbow.

[A]

Yeah, he said it, not me.

[D]

Yeah, but do you agree with it?

[A]

No, he said it, not me. But he makes a good point about hitting the road, Jack. Hey, I know a couple these guys. They moved to the Ohio area. A good couple. Affluent, money. Good for them to put their kids in private school.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Cincinnati or Columbus.

[A]

Columbus, I imagine. Imagine. He'll be back one day.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? That money.

[D]

Do you think when they come back, it'll be when you're no longer governor?

[A]

You know, they asked when I was gonna stop being governor, but I don't know if that's what they were looking.

[D]

For, anything to do with that.

[A]

Anyway, everyone I know has moved out. So that's the answer to your question. Okay. You asked the question, what's going on with people moving out? And how can we stop it? And I answered your question by explaining what Sam Yordy said and also by citing you examples of people I know who moved out. Yeah, understood.

[D]

Yes, I do have a Bed, Bath and Beyond coupon for you. Not sure if you're able to use it, but.

[A]

And scene. All right, let's give everybody a plug here. Yeah. Oh, I'm gonna be in Provo doing a drybar show. Nice. That'll be August 29th. You go to ampcroll.com for all the live shows. Darren Carter's got his dry bar special. It is called Calm Down. And tour dates coming up. Irvine Improv, September 3rd, coming out here. Great venue over there. Pocket Party is the name of the Pod Mayhem party podcast. What do you got? I don't know.

[E]

Got a Mayhem show hashtag, not a podcast.

[A]

So till next time, I am crawling for Darren and Mayhem saying mahalo.

[C]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744. Torrance, CA mom said yes. First show sold out. Tickets still available for the second show August 31st in Torrance. Get them now at AdamCorola.com.

[B]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now pay never. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv Stream now, pay never.