Dave Attell + John Leguizamo (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Detailed Summary of "The Adam Carolla Show" Episode Featuring John Leguizamo and Dave Attell (Carolla Classics)

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Adam Carolla Show
• Host: Adam Carolla
• Guests: John Leguizamo, Dave Attell
• Episode: Dave Attell + John Leguizamo (Carolla Classics)
• Release Date: May 16, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of "The Adam Carolla Show," host Adam Carolla engages in candid and in-depth conversations with renowned comedians John Leguizamo and Dave Attell. The episode, part of the "Carolla Classics," delves into personal struggles, the evolution of comedy, and the challenges faced by artists in maintaining authenticity amidst fame and personal issues.

---

Part 1: Conversation with John Leguizamo

1. Introduction to John Leguizamo and His One-Man Show "Ghetto Clown"

Adam welcomes John Leguizamo, highlighting his multifaceted talent and emphasizing the uniqueness of his performances.

Notable Quote:

• John Leguizamo [01:34]: "Joh Leguizamo proves to be an interesting guest."

2. The Creative Process Behind "Ghetto Clown"

Leguizamo discusses the inception and development of his one-man show "Ghetto Clown," detailing the emotional and creative journey that led to its creation.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [04:34]: "I was having some emotional issues... paranoia, freaking out, stage fright..."
• John Leguizamo [06:07]: "I kept shaping it and touring around the country till six years later. This is my masterpiece."

3. Overcoming Panic Attacks and Embracing Performance

Despite a successful career with over 200,000 hours on stage, Leguizamo shares his unexpected struggle with panic attacks and how therapy helped him reclaim his passion for performing.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [05:29]: "But then where does it come from?"
• John Leguizamo [06:07]: "Doing those talks with those kids... I could survive it."

4. Childhood and Family Dynamics

Leguizamo reflects on his upbringing in New York City, facing bullying as part of a pioneering Latin family, and the strict, dictatorial nature of his father.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [15:28]: "We were pioneers in our neighborhood... I got jumped by a lot of white kids."
• John Leguizamo [16:01]: "My father was very dictatorial... no medication, just smacking."

5. Real Estate Ventures and Financial Challenges

Transitioning from theater to real estate, Leguizamo discusses his successes in flipping Manhattan brownstones and the subsequent financial strain following a market crash, paralleling his own personal anxieties.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [33:25]: "I was making money like that, too."
• John Leguizamo [34:41]: "I was buying brownstones in Manhattan... doubling, tripling what I was making."

6. The Role and Stigma of Therapy in Modern Society

Both Adam and John explore the importance of therapy, the lingering stigma around it, and how it serves as a crucial tool for personal growth and overcoming mental health challenges.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [64:16]: "There's still a stigma to it... you have problems."
• Adam Carolla [65:12]: "We don't study it. We don't focus on it."

7. Reflections on the Evolution of Comedy and Influential Comedians

Leguizamo and Carolla discuss the shifting landscape of comedy, comparing legendary figures like Mitch Hedberg and Dennis Wolf to contemporary comedians. They emphasize the importance of authenticity and the impact of personal struggles on comedic performance.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [77:00]: "They were all about character... Georgina Spelman was a perfect example."
• Adam Carolla [99:56]: "Jim Gaffigan is drawing more of a crowd than Dave Attell is."

8. Honoring Late Comedians and Their Legacies

The conversation turns somber as they remember and honor the contributions of comedians like Mitch Hedberg, Jerry Seinfeld, and Robert Schimmel, discussing the void their absence has created in the comedy world.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [86:08]: "Robert Schimmel... he was great."
• Adam Carolla [112:03]: "He had a bad heart, and he did a lot of different drugs."

9. Current Projects and Future Plans

Leguizamo shares insights into his ongoing projects, including upcoming performances and the continuous evolution of his comedic and theatrical work.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [84:21]: "It was unscripted, uncensored... it's pretty raw."

---

Part 2: Conversation with Dave Attell

10. Introduction to Dave Attell and His Stand-Up Career

The episode transitions to a clip from "Adam Carolla Show 681," featuring comedian Dave Attell. Adam sets the stage by praising Attell's stand-up prowess and reminiscing about past performances.

Notable Quote:

• Dave Attell [69:37]: "I'm from Long Island, Queens originally... we've already seen that in a rear view."

11. Reflections on Influential Comedians and Their Impact

Attell and John delve into the influence of comedians like Mitch Hedberg and the challenges of staying relevant in an ever-evolving industry.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [73:26]: "He was in 'Los Enchiladas' with guys like me, Todd Barry, Louis CK..."
• Dave Attell [83:03]: "As a comic, I'm more on their side because we're free agents... broken toys."

12. The Struggles of Maintaining Sobriety in Comedy

A candid discussion ensues about the difficulties comedians face in maintaining sobriety while touring and performing, referencing the tragic deaths of peers like Mitch Hedberg and others.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [86:08]: "They went to rehab over and over, but unfortunately, it didn't take."
• Dave Attell [90:16]: "I have a lot of good excuses."

13. The Changing Dynamics of Comedy Venues

Attell and Leguizamo compare the intimacy of comedy clubs to the grandiosity of theaters, emphasizing the importance of connecting with genuine audiences over performs in major venues that may not appreciate their style.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [100:30]: "I prefer playing the clubs where my crowd gets my humor."
• Dave Attell [105:52]: "Homes where shit's fucked up... negotiating earlier spots."

14. Honoring Deceased Comedians and Their Contributions

The duo pays homage to lost comedians like Mitch Hedberg, Jerry Seinfeld, and others, acknowledging their unique contributions and the gaps they've left in the comedy industry.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [117:26]: "Doug Stanhope is my favorite... I loved his dirty, inappropriate humor."
• Dave Attell [124:27]: "Dave Attell's website, Dave's OldPorn.com..."

15. Final Thoughts on Comedy and Personal Growth

Concluding the conversation, Attell and Leguizamo share their philosophies on comedy, the importance of personal integrity, and the continuous journey of self-improvement and authentic expression within the comedic realm.

Notable Quotes:

• John Leguizamo [123:55]: "I prefer playing the clubs... nobody's like, 'Hey, there's language restrictions.'"
• Dave Attell [125:37]: "This is the most relaxing podcast I've ever done... more therapy."

---

Conclusion

This episode of "The Adam Carolla Show" offers a profound exploration of the lives of John Leguizamo and Dave Attell, shedding light on their personal challenges, creative endeavors, and reflections on the comedy industry's evolution. Through honest dialogue and shared experiences, both comedians provide invaluable insights into maintaining authenticity, overcoming personal struggles, and the enduring power of humor.

---

Note: Advertisements, sponsorship messages, and non-content sections present in the transcript have been omitted to focus solely on the substantive discussions and key highlights of the episode.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Giovanni]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] if you're looking to.

[John Leguizamo]

Streamline your audio advertising buys and maximize your revenue, look no further than Triton Digital's Programmatic audio Advertising Exchange A2X.

[Adam Carolla]

The private exchange consists of only licensed.

[John Leguizamo]

Broadcasters and top tier Internet radio publishers, assuring the quality, inventory and brand safety you can trust. Visit www.tritondigital.com to learn more.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, super fan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast where we play.

[Giovanni]

The best moments highlights on fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsamcoroll.com we have a separate podcast feed titled Corolla Classics with ad free archives exclusively available through Podcast One Premium. You can also find ad free archives.

[Adam Carolla]

For the Adam Carolla show, The Adam.

[Giovanni]

And Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive access to the brand new show Beat it out through Adam Corolla's substack adamcorolla.substack.com now on to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carolla show 663 from all the way back in 2011. John Leguizamo joins him in studio. John, you probably know from everything, John proves to be an interesting guest. Hope you guys enjoy the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to the show. A guy who, well, you can say whatever you want about John Leguizamo, but you can't say he's not bursting at the scene with talent. I mean, I, I'll take that, I'll.

[Giovanni]

Take that means a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it sounded half assed, but here's what I'm saying. There are people out there where you go, I don't think that dude's funny, but I admit he's talented. And then there's dudes where you just go, I hate that guy. He's not funny. He's corny, right? Doesn't need to be out there. Are there people out there for you? Like, where you go. It's sort of like when you see a guy's really good.

[Giovanni]

Well, I dig you, man. I've always dug you. I always felt like you were out there. You always said. Exactly. I mean, you had no buffers. And I thought it must be scary being.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's scary being married to me, but it's not being. That's scary being me. Being related to me. Scary.

[Giovanni]

But, you know, I love Cat Williams, man. I mean, that. That was a fresh new talent that I saw that I. Oh, my God. He's got all the. All the things that I love and I respect, you know, like great, great concepts. Brings it all around. Physical humor, verbal vocal. I loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, let's.

[Giovanni]

Then he had emotional problems, which we all get eventually.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, people that are.

[Giovanni]

Oh, there you go. There's a picture of him.

[Adam Carolla]

People that are dripping with talent usually have emotional problems. It's like cars that are spectacular looking have trouble starting on rainy days. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

It's just like beautiful chicks. The more beautiful, the more problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything in nature. Monarch butterflies aren't real. Real durable. You know what I mean? It's like everything that looks good or works really good has a pretty short lifespan. And like America, we had a sparkling new.

[Giovanni]

We were great. And now what happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know how. I don't know how that works, but I want to focus on you for a second, John. Yeah. New one man show, by the way. It's not a new one man show. It's new to Southern California. It's new to Los Angeles. It's been off on Broadway for. How long has it been on Broadway?

[Giovanni]

I was on Broadway for six months.

[Adam Carolla]

Six months on Broadway. Now out here at the Ricardo Montalban Theater. And that is September 30th, which. Well, we've already seen that in a rear view, but it's running through October 16th. And I'll tell you how to get tickets. Ghetto Clown is the name of the new one man show. Take me through the process of a one man show and working it out, getting the material together. Okay, how does that work?

[Giovanni]

Well, you know, it has to start. Like, I got to get a concept in my head. You know, something's got to kick into me. And I was having emo. I was. I was having some emotional issues.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

And I didn't want to perform live anymore, so that's why I'm performing. Those issues, just paranoia, you know, freaking out, stage fright and all kinds of things.

[Adam Carolla]

Were they panic attacks?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, terrifying fear of Failure and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it weird how that kicks in so far into a career where you've logged 200,000 hours on stage?

[Giovanni]

No, but I had at the beginning. It wasn't like it came out of nowhere. I used to have that early on, and then it disappeared for years, and I was like, oh, my God, I over it. I was over it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But then where does it come. I mean, I remember hearing Donny Osmond saying, oh, don't compare me.

[Giovanni]

Don't.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're not as funny as Osmond. But what I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

Hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. No, what I'm saying is, at some point, when he's telling you about having panic attacks, going out on stage at age 50, when he's a guy who's been out on stage since he was a psycho.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why now? Like, where does that come from?

[Giovanni]

You know, it's you. I mean, I don't know really, but I was having a lot of personal problems, so I think that's. That plays into it. And so I didn't want to perform anymore. And the only way I got myself back into it was I tricked myself into doing college talks. And I'd get mad drunk, and I took my resume and I would talk about movie and stories about each movie, and the kids were loving it. I'd run home and type it before I passed out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

And then I kept shaping it and shaping and touring around the country till I. Till, you know, six years later. This is my masterpiece.

[Adam Carolla]

And any therapy, any medication. How'd you get over the panic and the fear?

[Giovanni]

I think just doing those talks with those kids and realizing, you know, I was drinking through the whole show before, and then I realized I could survive it. And then all of a sudden, I started feeling like I still got game. I'm still relevant. I still can make those kids laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, do you sit back and assess yourself every. I mean.

[Giovanni]

And lots of therapy. And lots of therapy.

[Adam Carolla]

Lot of therapy, yeah. Well, I mean, you know, everyone else knows who John Leguizamo is, but does John Leguizamo know who John Leguizamo is? Like, I mean, do you sit around and go, should I be making features? Should I be up on stage? Should I. Am I my performer? Am I actor?

[Giovanni]

Well, you know, you know, comedy is the hardest thing, Right? Know that. You know that from. From you. Just. That's the rule. You know, film is easy, right? Drama is easy. Comedy is not. And getting up and doing your own show and having all the responsibility, you know, it's a lot of pressure and. And I'm a perfectionist. And that's. That's usually where the problem happens. I want it to be like, you know, always, like, masterful, you know, and beyond reproach. And I think that's where you, you know, sometimes it gets you short circuit yourself. And then I started to go, you know, I need to go back in there and find my groove and find the joy and be able to try crazy stuff and not fear anything like I used to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're from Bogota, Colombia, so originally. Yeah, I don't feel like that's the cradle of theater.

[John Leguizamo]

They do.

[Giovanni]

They do have a huge theater world, but that's not what my origins came from.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's your origins come from?

[Giovanni]

New York City. Grew up in New York City.

[Adam Carolla]

You come out to New York when you're how old?

[Giovanni]

Well, there was a great plantain famine of the 60s, and so we're still.

[Adam Carolla]

Buzzing about that over at the Corolla house. Nary a day goes by.

[Giovanni]

Well, you can't have your plantain, just sweet and your salty plantains. So we had to leave, you know, but I was born there because my mom was there. And then we left and we came to Queens, Jackson Heights. And that was the beginning of theater for me.

[Adam Carolla]

I love, by the way, I gotta say this, I talk people into going out and eating Cuban food with me just so I can eat their plantains, because, oh, my God.

[Giovanni]

Plantains is God. It's manna from heaven.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's the only food that will divide a nation. Because when it comes to, like, you give a couple of Americans poi or vegemite, and they'll go, this tastes like shit.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

10 people go, everyone tastes their vegemite, everyone tastes their poi. And all 10 of them will raise their hand and go, this tastes like shit. You take plantains, you take 10 people, five of them will raise their hand and go, this is the best fucking thing I've ever put in my mouth.

[Giovanni]

And I got more.

[Adam Carolla]

The other five will go, I'm gonna go vomit out in the parking lot. Like, I don't know why people are. It divides. Well, because it doesn't unite. It's not a uniting.

[Giovanni]

No, it's not the food. Well, I don't know. See, when I took the first taste of that sucker, it was like. It was crack. I'm never. I'm never gonna stop.

[Adam Carolla]

Plantain. It's in your blood, though.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it is. But, you know, some.

[Adam Carolla]

Some people don't like A nectarine unites.

[Giovanni]

A nectarine unites.

[Adam Carolla]

People get behind a nectarine, they all agree on a nectarine. Nobody has a beef with a nectarine. But it's divisive. That does plantains. Hey, but I'm on your side. Hey, look, I like plantain.

[Giovanni]

Jamaican people love their damn plantain. Latino people love the. It unifies all the Caribbean.

[Adam Carolla]

It's true. And it's really just a banana, right?

[Giovanni]

Really grown banana. That'll constipate you.

[Adam Carolla]

So you come out here, you come out to Queens.

[Giovanni]

I'd end up in Queens, which was the. The melting pot of the world. If you didn't know that. It was written all the newspapers. I didn't know that growing up. I just knew that, you know, we had the nice Jewish lady who lived across the street and would invite us for seder. And then you had, you know, the German person who didn't like us to come over too much because they were too loud. The Latin people.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

And the Irish kids always come here, John, I want to come over here. I want to smack your head. Get out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

And you had all. All these voices and all these people, all these cultures. And that was, you know, we were all trying to explain ourselves to each other. And that was theater.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And that's where you picked up. I mean, you probably. I found the people that have a gift for mimicry. It's just a gift. Like, there's some people. I don't know what percentage of people can roll their tongue. Sort of not roll it, but taco it. Like, they just take tongue and just. Just make a barrel out of it.

[Giovanni]

Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And they just make it look like a taco shell. Not soft shell, but a hard shell. Old school.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, old V. Like a V. Like V. Like some.

[Adam Carolla]

Some people can do it.

[Giovanni]

Someone can flip it upside down, and.

[Adam Carolla]

Then some people can't. Can't.

[John Leguizamo]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And I can only. I can barely lick a stamp. I actually have to put the stamp down on a desk and move my head with my hand. Like, I can do nothing. And people go, well, how come? And I go, I don't know. I can raise one eyebrow. How come you can't raise one eyebrow? And I don't know. But some people mimic.

[Giovanni]

Some people have pitch perfect. They can hear every. Every tune, every beat.

[Adam Carolla]

And just a gift.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it is. There's nothing to do about it.

[Adam Carolla]

And yours is gift meets a bunch of hard work.

[Giovanni]

Exactly. There's always hard work in it.

[Adam Carolla]

And it started early start.

[Giovanni]

You know, I started doing. I Didn't do the comedy clubs as much because I didn't. That wasn't my thing. It was. I was more into storytelling for some weird reason. And so I went to the performance art spaces where Eric Bogosian and Spalding Gray were doing their thing. And that's why I developed myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. Spalding Gray sort of went nuts. Right?

[Giovanni]

Well, okay, so he's one of my idols. Richard Pryor and Spalding Gray are my heroes. And what happened to Spalding Gray? Because I know, because he gave me my first award when I was a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

He did Swimming to Cambodia.

[Giovanni]

Swimming to Cambodia. Sex.

[Adam Carolla]

One Man.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All the films and whatever.

[Giovanni]

Revelatory, personal one.

[Adam Carolla]

They found him like Flip, floating in the ocean.

[Giovanni]

He went to Ireland and his wife was in the front seat. He was in the back seat. He didn't buckle in the back because nobody did that back in the day. And they crashed and his head went smashing into his wife's head and he got brain damage. And then he was severely depressed after that.

[Adam Carolla]

What year are we talking about here?

[Giovanni]

We're talking about, I think, either late 90s or early 2000s. And after that, you know, he was just never right.

[Adam Carolla]

And did he kill himself all the time?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, he killed himself. Yeah. Jumped off a bridge.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was based on this brain trauma? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

You get serious frontal lobal damage. I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything. I played one on TV in New York.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but look, you watch enough medical.

[Giovanni]

Shows, you think you can.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you see what happens to these guys who played in the NFL for 15 years who are now severely depressed.

[Giovanni]

Was that a photo after. Is that after the accident? It looks like it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm hoping that's after the accident. Yeah, it looks like he's had some stitching done and part of his Brent lobe removed or whatever, but either way, it was the head trauma, then suicide, Depression. Suicide. And what about Boghossian? What's he up to? Is that touchy? I still give you a thing about people.

[Giovanni]

I'm not gonna say things that I'm not sure if I'm on record. No, I love him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you love him. If you and I had a child, I think it might be Eric Bogosian.

[Giovanni]

Eric Bogosian. Because he's got that voice like you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's serious weird Jew fro.

[John Leguizamo]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

He's got the Jew fro enough ethnicity there.

[Giovanni]

And I bring in the.

[Adam Carolla]

It would work. I've done a lot of radio. He's done a movie about being.

[Giovanni]

I need a paternity Suit. Because this child is not, obviously clearly not mine.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying we could create a minute. So what's he up to? Is he doing all right?

[Giovanni]

Well, he wrote no Suburbia and then the play. And then he writes a lot of plays and he performs now and then.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I'm trying to. Here's what I'm trying to connect these dots. Is there some. Take this in the spirit in which it's intended. Surely, you know, the sort of one man, show, artist, spoken word meets, you know, stand up meets, you know, performance. You know, the guys, Spalding Gray, yourself, Boghossian. Is there something that attracts a troubled soul? Do you know what I mean? I mean, obviously you have something to say.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I mean, any performer that has something to say, you're gonna have a lot of issues and they're not gonna go away just because you perform about them. You know, they're still gonna be there for the rest of your life. And, and that's what fuels you. That's what fuels artists, man. And that's the beauty of it. We, we put our pain out there like Richard Pryor did for me. I mean, I felt he helped me, was talking to me when I was a teenager, you know, and that's what got me through those teen years.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you feel out of place growing up and awkward? And you know what's weird though? We gotta figure out some sort of chart or graph because every, you know, when you talk to six foot supermodels, they tell you how awkward and out of place they felt. In fifth grade, when you talk to guys that have one leg shorter than the other, they tell you when you talk to the fat kid, when you talk to the black kid, when you talk to the quarterback. Yeah, it's like, you know, because that kid will tell you. Everyone expected me to be Mr. Perfect and I had problems and nobody would, you know, everyone's so busy looking at my thousand dollar, my million dollar smile that. So everyone felt out of place. But then there's. There's everyone feeling out of place, and then there's. You're really picked on because you're fat or you got a hook nose or whatever.

[Giovanni]

We were pioneers in our neighborhood. I mean, it was, it was white flight. It was beautiful to watch as they all migrated out of the neighborhood. The Irish, the French, they were all leaving and we were the second Latin family. And, you know, and so there was a lot of fighting. You know, I got, you know, jumped by a lot of white kids all the time and stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm sorry on behalf of my people.

[Giovanni]

Hey, I got jumped by Latin kids, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, good.

[Giovanni]

So it's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So, so. But was your childhood troubled? I mean, did you feel. I mean, more so than just your average? Yeah, I felt awkward. And I didn't make the varsity basketball team.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, no, I mean, my child was really difficult. I mean, I'm not gonna. It's not like a. I'm gonna win a prize for. For more pain than anybody else, but it was. There was a lot of home difficulty. Like, my. My father was very dictatorial and not afraid. You know, in Latin families and back in the day, there was no, you know, if you were hyper, then it didn't give you, you know, Ritalin or Adderall. You know, it's like, I'm going to smack the living crap out of you if you move again. So that was medication back then for you? They just slapped you the head. There was a lot of smacking going on.

[Adam Carolla]

So, I mean, like, today you would have been diagnosed.

[Giovanni]

I would have medicated. I'd be here, like, on something. I'd be right. Like half dead.

[Adam Carolla]

But as a, as a, as an 11 year old, no, there's just a lot of smacking. Yeah, right.

[Giovanni]

I got smacked all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

But also I. You know, the Colombians are some badass people. Like, they're scary.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, you better be careful.

[Adam Carolla]

But you know what I'm talking about. I mean, there's something.

[Giovanni]

No, I don't know what.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something in the water or something over there. I mean, they're tough. They scare me. You lose a soccer game over there, they'll kill you.

[Giovanni]

No. Yeah, they did. They shot the guy, but they don't do it. That was at a certain time when the country was being run by Pablo Escobar, and it was a very different time.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but other countries don't get run by drug lords is what I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

Come on. I grew up in New York. Things, people disappear.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you know what I'm talking about.

[Giovanni]

Women by the Long Island Sound. I mean, things happen in every country and you just get bad publicity. Except for Paul Escobar.

[Adam Carolla]

He really didn't.

[John Leguizamo]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, he would, like, take down commercial jetliners.

[Giovanni]

He was a badass.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but Pablo Escobar was a ruthless killer. And because he would donate a few soccer fields, he was a.

[Giovanni]

He was gonna buy the country. He told the president, look, I will pay all your debt if you let me just be president of this country. I'll Pay for everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, when Pablo. At Pablo Escobar's funeral, there were 80 year old women weeping openly, throwing themselves on the casket, screaming, you know, he.

[Giovanni]

Bought them a stadium.

[Adam Carolla]

What kind of would go for that? That's what I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

It wasn't the country, it was his city. He stayed in his town and he bought stadiums, he, he bought schools, he built, he was building a whole infrastructure in this really down and out poor little thing.

[Adam Carolla]

But I want to go back to North Hollywood with some soccer balls and just hand them out and go, all right, now I'm going to be running this place for a while.

[Giovanni]

You start building Adam Carolla schools and hospitals and you know, you know, everybody be loving it.

[Adam Carolla]

Soccer field. How much work does a soccer field take? You know, I mean, a couple of.

[Giovanni]

Cars, you got to mow it and thr. You got to see it every now and then.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw the special. Most of them was dirt anyway. But the point is, is I just always felt like Colombians were like, just badass, mean, scary people.

[Giovanni]

I mean, we come from, you know, I mean like Koreans.

[Adam Carolla]

Koreans are that way.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, they're tough.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't mean that in a super negative way. I just mean they've seen a lot.

[Giovanni]

Super. No, no, we, we have a lot of stamina and tenacity and, and it. And we're good business people. You know, we got a lot of business savvy. Look at me, I live in the Gold coast in New York City. How did I get there? From being poor and ghetto, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're savvy. I've always said this. When LA was burning and everyone was rioting and the whole Rodney King thing was going down, you know, all the white folks went, look, we're going up to the high ground and we're going to get ourselves.

[Giovanni]

We're going to go skiing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're going skiing. We're going to Aspen and ride this one out. I went to Jackson Hole, but that was me. No, I didn't have any money because.

[Giovanni]

You'Re rugged that way.

[Adam Carolla]

I had nothing. I was just driving around my pickup tr, but there's like a curfew and everything. But the Koreans, the ones that own the liquor stores, they said, I'm getting a rifle and I'm going to the roof.

[Giovanni]

And they hung out, makes a few drinks.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw anyone darker than them entering the liquor store, they start shooting. And I just thought, those are scrappy breed of people.

[Giovanni]

That's a scrappy breed of people. That's for sure. If you're gonna stand around there in a riot. Oh, yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm up on the roof.

[Giovanni]

That's Mr. Kim.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Mr. Kim's on the roof with a gun. And if you want to help yourself to some Funyuns, it ain't gonna be a party. You leave that money on the counter.

[Giovanni]

I'm glad I was a warning shot. I gotta say. Our rights are different. Our rights, you know, we just loot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How does. What's burnt? We don't burn New York. Right. Well, LA is sprawling.

[Giovanni]

Right. So you gotta burn to get a credit.

[Adam Carolla]

Riots out.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah. Ours is more contained and you just loot a lot. And there's so much good stuff to loot. You're pretty happy, right? Right away.

[Adam Carolla]

And also I feel people are. People are fairly casual about rioting in la, which is they will be leaving like a Best Buy with a TV set and do an interview with like KCAL on the way out. Like they'll, they'll look like actually be interviewing a guy who's holding a television set on his shoulder. Like, can we take a moment in time? Sure. What's going on to.

[Giovanni]

Is a little heavy. I'll put it down for a second.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, set it down. All right. I'm going to go back in and get some plasma.

[Giovanni]

Right back.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Like the literally interview guys. It's weird.

[Giovanni]

I mean, don't you feel like there's an ethics issue? Like, like, you know, should I stop the guy? Should I help him?

[Adam Carolla]

The news people, as this footage cannot be used against me or any. But for some reason, and it's not. I, I would be. And also there's a lot of, like, while the looting is going on, guys in the back of the camera shuffling around and flapping their hands around. Like, I want to make sure people at home can see I'm looting. Yeah. I would, I would loot with like a ski beanie on and I would do it kind of quietly. I would argue.

[Giovanni]

I would argue exactly. Get a big truck, organize your friends. Let, let all those people who need attention and make loud noise go over there. But we're going to go to like, you know, no Samsung.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

We're gonna have a map. We're gonna be very organized about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

And I go to bang Olfsen. Let's go high end.

[Adam Carolla]

I would go with the high end items and not the stuff that took up a lot of stuff.

[Giovanni]

Bentley cars.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What you don't want is a bunch of like oversized stuffed animals. Taking up space.

[Giovanni]

We're not gonna FAO Schwartz. We're not going right now. Forget that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so now, any good looting going on? Any good riding going on? Back in the day when you were coming up, we had the blackout.

[Giovanni]

Maybe we had the brown out, or the blackout it was called. That's 1977. That was the only last when I was like 13. And that was cool because all the lights went out and I was hoping I was gonna get some. I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad just hit you again?

[Giovanni]

Keep it in your pants. Get inside. Shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

So your dad, what'd your dad do?

[Giovanni]

What did he do now?

[Adam Carolla]

What did he do? Back then?

[Giovanni]

He did everything. My dad was. He worked at a real estate agency. He then went to college and got a cpa.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Then now he owns real estate.

[Adam Carolla]

So. Educated guy or became educated?

[Giovanni]

Became educated. Educated himself, but.

[Adam Carolla]

But hot blooded Colombian dude as well.

[Giovanni]

He's a hot blooded dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And brothers and sisters?

[Giovanni]

I got lots. One full brother, three half brothers and sisters, two stepsisters. All of my dads. My mom never. You know, women never.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Remarry, so. And you're all. You're all grown up. Lottie. In the same place. You're all in the same place. How's it working out?

[Giovanni]

No, you know, me and my brother grew up together and we moved to Manhattan. My brother went to Columbia University. He was like the. He was the good sheep of the family. I was the black sheep. And, you know, I. You know, I took. I got a 1600 in my SATs.

[Adam Carolla]

1600.

[Giovanni]

Well, I took it four times. If you add it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Giovanni]

If you added up all the four times I took it. 1600. But. But I eventually became. I was failing in high school, and then I. Then college came and I got in the dean's list, honor roll, and, you know, I made some of myself.

[Adam Carolla]

How. How did you get into college if you're such a shitty high school student?

[Giovanni]

I took those sats four times till I. Till I got the. The scores high enough. And I did pretty good at my trig, my region's trig. So I don't know. I don't know what trig came from.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it's not my thing stands for. That's one of trigonometry, Palin's retarded kid's name or something. I don't know what triggers.

[Giovanni]

The point is calculus I was good at. It was weird. I was. I was like idiot savant. Calculus is something I could do.

[Adam Carolla]

I never got Higher than high school math.

[Giovanni]

Now that's calculus.

[Adam Carolla]

I did calculus in high school, not algebra. I didn't get 2. Algebra.

[Giovanni]

You didn't even make an algebra. That's not a girl. That's not a girl's name. You know that most people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you think we're talking about one of the looters here. What? Most people take algebra and like the 9th grade, 8th grade, 7th grade.

[Giovanni]

No, no, algebra is 10th grade. 10th grade.

[Adam Carolla]

I never got to algebra, okay?

[Giovanni]

That's why.

[Adam Carolla]

I took old school math and I never.

[Giovanni]

You missed out high school. You would have made it to algebra. You would have loved Y equals X, you know, minus this cosine, sine, tangent.

[Adam Carolla]

So you, you go to college. Where do you go to college?

[Giovanni]

Well, I go to the least competitive school in America that'll take me because that's the only person who's gonna take a failing student. And I go to CW post after the serial.

[Adam Carolla]

And you start majoring in theater.

[Giovanni]

I major in theater and psychology.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. Perfect.

[Giovanni]

Then I dropped out of, you know, psychology cause I couldn't handle it.

[Adam Carolla]

And so as a performer, I started chemistry. I think everyone kind of understands the standup route in life where you go, all right, you go to Caroline's on a Sunday night, start doing five minute sets and stuff. But you're not a stand up. No, no, I mean stand up.

[Giovanni]

I went to Caroline's, you know, and I did, you know, but I did more different, you know, I was always with a. You know, my girlfriend at the time was my partner. So we did like, you know, like Nichols in May and still in Mirror. We would do sketches.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

You know that, that's what we try to do it, you know, the comic strip and catch a rising star. Back in the day. Right after you get the lottery on Monday, sure, we would do our thing and then Chris Rock would come in and kill them. We do our stuff, which was, you know, sketches.

[Adam Carolla]

Lottery's like open mic stuff, right? Sign up, see if you can perform or not.

[Giovanni]

You remember those days?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. It was, it was horrible.

[Giovanni]

Horrible, man. It was horrible. The pressure, the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing. There's a whole bunch of bad things about it. First off, it's always weird and this is always a bad gig. And I've had this a lot in my life where there's a certain point where you're going, please let me get up there. Please let me get up there.

[Giovanni]

No, when you get up there, you're terrified.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's a certain point two hours later where you go, I just want to get the fuck out of here. Please don't call my name. I just want to go home. And then there's this thing where your friends don't understand. And also you've embellished it a little like, yeah, I'm gonna be at the improv Sunday night. Oh really? What time you going up? Between five and midnight. What do you mean? And you're like, how long you go?

[Giovanni]

And then they're there and you know, you don't go till one, right. And they got to work and they're mad. They're looking at you with hate in their eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

They're like, you lied to me. How much time you doing? You know, three minutes. And what time are you going up? Between 5 and 1am in the, you.

[Giovanni]

Know, the middle part of the, in the evening? Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I could probably give you about a four hour window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll see 138 other comedians of my ilk. Of my ilk.

[John Leguizamo]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So, but you're trying to kind of spin it like you're booked because they.

[Giovanni]

They expect you to bring your own audience. Remember those days when you had to bring your own crowd and they expected you. If you had, if you had a crowd, they would invite you more. If you didn't bring nobody.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

They were going to ask you back.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Oh God, it hurts.

[Giovanni]

It hurts back.

[Adam Carolla]

It hurts just to think about it.

[Giovanni]

And then some of those bad comedians who make you feel so ill, you're like, oh my God, am I a loser? Like that too. It was kind of tough sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also was. It's weird because if a guy was bad, you were like, what am I doing?

[Giovanni]

It was so sad. It was so sad.

[Adam Carolla]

On the other hand, if a guy was good, you're like, jesus.

[Giovanni]

Well, you thought you were like, damn. I mean, I always as good as.

[Adam Carolla]

The open mic guy is. That's what I would think.

[Giovanni]

I thought, you know, when I saw the bad guys, it would just make me really depressed and sad thinking, this is who. But when I see the good guys, I would also identify and go, oh, I can be like that. I know I can. I might have a couple more performances and I'll be there, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you. I feel like the public at large has this feeling and I think everybody has this about anyone who's had any success, but especially performers where somehow you know, in the back your mind it's all gonna work out and somehow other people around know that, you know, you're talented and this is good. And like. And what I try to tell people all the time is, you don't know and no one ever stops you. And even back in the day when me and Jimmy Kimmel were hanging out and doing our thing, nobody ever came up to us and went, hey, man, you know when we're both at KROC doing the morning show, not getting paid any money and all that kind of shit, no one ever tapped us on the shoulder and said, you got it. Believe me. I'll see you two kids in about a year and you'll be top of the.

[Giovanni]

No, but it was not in the comedy clothes.

[Adam Carolla]

No, get to work. And why should we listen to you and shut up.

[Giovanni]

They were just exploiting you too. They didn't want you to think you were good because then they'd have to pay you more. But that was some psychology of keeping the man down.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, but.

[Giovanni]

But you're right. I mean, it's. It's more like. I mean, I was doing it because I loved the feeling, man. The self expression was what I was after. But you don't know if you're gonna make it or not. You know, you don't. You have no. You have no clue, right? I want to do the best I can, and let's see how far it goes, so.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's what you should have.

[Giovanni]

That's what you should have. That's what I have again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, well, you should have it. You should never lose it, but you can't.

[Giovanni]

It gets all perverted in your head and you start thinking, I gotta be this thing that everybody thinks I am and. And I should be that thing. And then all of a sudden you start short circuiting yourself and you gotta. You gotta do some Zen and figure out yourself and go, okay. When I started, I didn't care, right? There was no pressure because it didn't matter. Nobody knew who I was. And I had freedom and I could be whatever and fail. And it was the freedom of failing that was so exciting. You know, I could try something. If it works, great. If it doesn't, fuck y' all. I'll try something else tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

When did it. When was the first sort of glimmer of success? Like, when did you first feel like, wow, something just happened here? Like, now I got a break.

[Giovanni]

Well, I did my first one man show. You know, I would. I did it Mumble Mouth in New York, 1990. And. And I was. I wasn't even in the theater, man. I was in a hallway of a real theater and I had to do my show. Till nine. And then the real show would start and they would move my platform out of the way and the 70 fold up seats out of the way. But as soon as the reviews came out, boom. In my house was Al Pacino, John F. Kennedy Jr. Sam Shepard, Arthur Miller.

[Adam Carolla]

Now say in your house. You mean in your performance?

[Giovanni]

My theater. My theater space. In these fold of seats. Olympia Dukakis, George Plimpton, Raul Julia. I mean, dude, it was every night. And I knew that if I finished my performance fast enough and I ran around to the front, to the entrance, I would. They couldn't escape me. And I could greet all these people because it was beyond my wildest dreams.

[Adam Carolla]

Word just got out. Yeah, like, hey man, there's this young sensation and all and the people that support that and they're into that. I mean, I'm not talking about your sort of Hollywood celebrity types, but I'm talking about the theater people, like the New York people.

[Giovanni]

And then people like Norman Lear was there and Tim Burton. I mean, it was just Gloria, Stefan. Everybody was coming into this tiny little space because I guess, you know, there wasn't enough Latin. Latin, A Latin voice. You know, they wanted to see what that was and they were digging in. It just kept growing and growing. And then they moved me to a bigger theater and they moved me to a bigger theater. And then I was out there doing it for about a year and a half to two years.

[Adam Carolla]

And what happened after that is that.

[Giovanni]

When deal they offered me Fresh Prince of Bel Air and they offered me all this stuff, but I turned it all down because I was, I was, I was an artist, right. I was going to be a commercial seller.

[Adam Carolla]

You were going to be. You're going to do Will Smith's gave it Fresh Prince.

[Giovanni]

Quincy Jones invited me in, talked about and showed me that. And I was like, I'm not doing that.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Giovanni]

I don't do that kind of stuff. I'm an artist.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So then what?

[Giovanni]

Wank wank. Yeah, so then, you know, so I pass on a lot of stuff that would have made me really famous and successful and rich and I did my next one man show.

[Adam Carolla]

But you can make plenty of money doing that, can't you?

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah, yeah. But not like that crazy money, right? Like that money. But, you know, but I was proud of what I did. You know, I felt like I had this thing that I was creating and it was new and it was, you know, I was combining theater with stand up, with like we were saying, with word poetry and voices and, you know, I Felt it was a unique thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you? There's some people that have a life that doesn't require a lot monetarily. I mean, everyone wants money.

[Giovanni]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Because.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it's how American write.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. But there's a lot of celebrities, comedians, artists, what have you. They just have a sort of low impact lifestyle. Like, I have friends, you know, Jeff Ross, Sarah Silverman. They don't collect cars. They're not.

[Giovanni]

They're not like Jay Leno.

[Adam Carolla]

You're trying to say they're not Jay Leno. They're not.

[Giovanni]

Because they don't got Jay Leno money.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not deep into the booger sugar. All they need is a Prius, a nice apartment, and they like to go out and have breakfast.

[Giovanni]

Right? They do now. They do now. They'll change. Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they have.

[Giovanni]

Once you get crazy money, it enters your bloodstream and you want to spend and you want to live large and you want to front because you can't help it.

[Adam Carolla]

But what do you have? What's your, what's your thing?

[Giovanni]

Real estate.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your vice.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah. I had to stop because obviously the market crashed and I was flipping and all that stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you find some warehouse space? No, no, I was finding, you know, district. Jump on that.

[Giovanni]

No, I was buying brownstones in Manhattan and, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

That kind of stuff. No, because houses everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that same thing.

[Giovanni]

I was like, Nicholas Cage.

[Adam Carolla]

Same with me. Really?

[Giovanni]

Nicholas Cage? Did he just get in trouble for buying up like a castle in Scotland? And I was going towards that path and I was like, my wife is like, you got to stop that nonsense.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what happens, especially it happened in Manhattan, happened out here too. You see some house and it's some space and it's a million bucks. And then three years later you found out it sold for 3.3 and you're like, holy, I should have bought it. Holy shit. And then somebody shows you and it's moving up so fast. It's such a.

[Giovanni]

Was.

[Adam Carolla]

Was.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that's not happening anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

So fast that you think if you have money and you're not getting in on this, you're fucking idiot.

[Giovanni]

I was making money like that, too. The key is buy in the most cheapest home, the fixer upper, in the richest neighborhood of the best neighborhood. That was my deal. That was my.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

My thing. And I was doing that and I was doubling, tripling what I was making and.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

Although it was a little hard in my family to keep moving them, but we were making crazy money, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S sort of like that thing where you sit down and your first three hands you get blackjack. And then you're like, this is awesome. It's the easiest gig ever.

[Giovanni]

It's gonna come back. I know that comeback.

[Adam Carolla]

At some point, the house takes. Yeah. Takes it. And. Yeah. I had.

[Giovanni]

Mr. Carolyn, it's time for you to go home.

[Adam Carolla]

It's 5:00am I want another Greyhound.

[Giovanni]

I'll get it this time. What do you mean? I'll deal.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm giving my belt buckles a marker that's solid purity.

[Giovanni]

Gold tooth. I'll give it to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Don't make me go up to the sweet. Bring down one of the girls. Yeah. So real estate, but automobiles.

[Giovanni]

No, no, I just. Just what I need in automobiles. I'm pretty low maintenance in that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So real. It's funny.

[Giovanni]

It was just real estate.

[Adam Carolla]

You pick the most expensive thing.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It was. It was. You know, I was doing great at it till, you know, the collapse and then.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

Then I had a. Then I had a panic attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Oh, that's when the panic attack.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Well, because you still got the homes and you got crazy real estate, taxes and maintenance and all that stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I had the same thing happen to me, which is. And I don't know if you had this or not, but you get into this. It's a kind of a business where it's sort of like playing in the NFL. You could be 10 great years, and then all of a sudden, you tear your ACL and it's like, boom.

[Giovanni]

Like, instantly.

[Adam Carolla]

Instantly. And so it's like, I had three jobs going all the time. There was never. And, you know, people used to.

[Giovanni]

You're a workaholic. You're everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

And people always used to say to.

[Giovanni]

Me, with Jimmy Kimmel, partnering up by yourself and people.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's difficult to partner up by yourself. But I was that dedicated, and people would always, here today, gone tomorrow. You know. You know how show business is one day or whatever. And I'd go, I don't know what you're talking about. Because I always had eight jobs.

[Giovanni]

You're like a Latin guy. You're like a Latin guy. You are more like me than I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I used to dig ditches on a construction site. So I got a. I've worked with a lot of people.

[Giovanni]

Manual labor. I was talking about the fact that. Not manual labor. That we all have to have, like, eight jobs to make ends meet. Well, when you come from, like, look at Jennifer Lopez. She dances, she sells cologne. She sings, she acts. She gotta be an American. Because what does Jennifer Aniston do?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Hangs back, makes two movies a year.

[Giovanni]

She had to work as hard.

[Adam Carolla]

She's always paddleboarding in the south of France somewhere. No, what happens is this. You grow up in an environment without money. And somebody says to you, you mean.

[Giovanni]

Like the universal you?

[Adam Carolla]

My environment, Your environment. Both our environment, I'm guessing.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. I was broke.

[Adam Carolla]

Welfare and food stamps, and there was no money.

[Giovanni]

Spam.

[Adam Carolla]

So no matter how much money you're making or whatever it is, if somebody says, I'll give you 100 grand just to fly out to San Francisco for a day and knock something out and then come back, you're like, fuck, yeah, I'm over there.

[Giovanni]

I'm there already.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, Jennifer Aniston probably goes, I got enough money. I don't need to do that. Why do I care? But no matter how much money John Legazamma has socked away, 100 grand always makes you think.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you do that thing where you go, that's two years of a guy working on a roof or three years of a dude working on a roof. And I can't set aside a day.

[Giovanni]

Of course, I said, yeah, I'm gonna set it a day. I'm gonna take that cash before Adam Carolla takes it.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause I gotta flip my neck around.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. I gotta beat everybody. Everybody's against me, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So you create this thing, and before you know it, your dance card gets filled up too full and your nut gets too big.

[John Leguizamo]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

You have too many responsibilities, too many.

[Giovanni]

Assistants, too many people working for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

All of a sudden, you're MC Hammer, mtv.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? And then behind the music, something happens and the. And the plug gets pulled on a thing or two, and a deal or two doesn't happen. And it's like, what the fuck? Yeah. Now, the huge nut doesn't go away.

[Giovanni]

No, it doesn't. And you can't stop. You. Nobody can pull the brakes fast enough when the cash stops and you got the nut. You can't stop everything quickly enough. You know, get rid of the chauffeur, get rid of the chef, get rid of this quick. You can't. You just don't know how to live without these people that you're used to with.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, my chef carpools with my chauffeur. So it's like, I wouldn't know how to begin to get. So there you are, and you've built up this life, and it's almost a life that you feel like you're chasing.

[Giovanni]

Well, you're jonesing. Yeah. You created this life that you're supposed to have, right?

[Adam Carolla]

How much you really need nothing. Depending on nothing. The thing is.

[Giovanni]

But it wants to go back to nothing. When you came from nothing, what you do is not me.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a. It's a train. And it's a train picture. Close your eyes, Jen.

[Giovanni]

I'm closing. I'm picturing it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. If you feel.

[Giovanni]

Is it the bullet? I hope it's a fast train.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the metaphor is going to be up. Now, if you feel something on your penis, don't flinch. Just. Just relax. Your eyes are closed, right?

[Giovanni]

I'm not circ size.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now you picture knife. I did the Columbia math.

[Giovanni]

You better open your eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

You did. You do them. It's the only thing they don't cut over there. You do them. Okay. Close your eyes. I'm gonna close my eyes. All right. It's a train.

[Giovanni]

Your boys are falling over over there.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a train.

[Giovanni]

They like that one.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a train that's going through the desert, just a flat desert. And it's going, just chugging along at a medium slow style speed. But then you get in there and you start shoveling co. You start shoveling coal. And the more hole you shovel, the faster the train gets going. But then you realize, I gotta stay out in front of this train and lay track down. I gotta start. And the more track you throw, the faster you shovel the coal. And before you know it, your life just becomes you. Out in front of that train coming.

[Giovanni]

There's a cow. The cow catcher. I didn't put the cow catcher.

[Adam Carolla]

Put the catcher on. So your life is a train and you just run out in front of it. You're like, I gotta lay more track. And everyone's like, what are you doing? It's Sunday. And you're like, I can't. This train's coming. I have to throw the track down. And everyone's like, you already have two jobs. What are you doing that job for? Because the train is out of control and I need to throw track down or it's going to derail. And also I got my family in the train.

[Giovanni]

They're in the train.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in the dining car. That's where I keep my.

[Giovanni]

So they're there. So you gotta make sure that there's nothing coming the other lane.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't have it derail. I gotta get out and throw track, Right? And really what you should have done, what you should have done is trade it Down. Slow down on the shoveling of the coal just a little bit.

[Giovanni]

Well, get off the train. Get off the train. Get on a bicycle. Something more your speed.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

Pedal to work.

[Adam Carolla]

Get on a huffy. Get a nice basket. Relax.

[Giovanni]

Put the kids in the back, on the back seat, you know, get a banana seat for the whole family.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're able to. Did you discuss that with your therapist? Were you able to reel it in?

[Giovanni]

My therapist is Ms. Dr. T. I call him. I don't want to give him the whole name, but he's like this beautiful Jewish Argentine man. And he sounds just like my father, except on Xanax. And he's like, john, we're going to work through this. Your outmoded survival skills that helped you get out of the ghetto are starting to hold you back. We're going to help you liberate yourself of those problems.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Yeah, Doc, I'm ready. I'm ready. What do I have to do? He goes, we have to make you love yourself. You have to stop beating yourself up.

[Adam Carolla]

He sounds like that bee from that bronchial medication.

[Giovanni]

Oh, you mean Antonio Banderas?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like that. Is that him?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, I think it's Antonio Banderas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

He does the cat, too. And what is that? That. That.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's. Puts in boots. Puss and Boots. So your therapist has a lovely and sexy accent.

[Giovanni]

He's a. He's a gentle soul. He's a beautiful soul.

[Adam Carolla]

He's telling you that that eye of the tiger that it took for you to scratch and claw out of the ghetto is gonna. You're gonna end up yourself. Right?

[Giovanni]

That's not. That's not my therapist. That's Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith.

[Adam Carolla]

What is that stuff called they just make up?

[Giovanni]

Cialis. Cialis.

[Adam Carolla]

What is it? Nason X. Nason X. Yeah. All right.

[Giovanni]

Why is. Oh, yeah. I don't get the whole.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why. It's pollen. It's pollen.

[Giovanni]

Pollen. Pollen.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's what it is.

[Giovanni]

But it's an aggressive creature. Why would you have that as your mascot?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's weird because they have.

[Giovanni]

Let's analyze bad commercial bears will take.

[Adam Carolla]

You apart in the wild, but yet we have Teddy bears and Country Smoking the Bear, Country Bear Jamborees, and. Yeah, Smokey the Bear. A lot of friendly Yogi the Bear. So, I mean, there's. We have laughing hyenas. Every cartoon I saw was a laughing hyena.

[Giovanni]

Back in the day. Back in the day. That was the Big thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Vicious animal on the planet is a.

[Giovanni]

Hyena and an annoying creature. And yeah, it's an annoying. Hey. I mean shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it was annoying.

[Adam Carolla]

We should work that out.

[Giovanni]

There's always annoying comedians doing the voice of annoying hyena cartoons. Remember that back in the day?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they had three guys that did voiceover.

[Giovanni]

Paul Lind.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You do Ice age.

[Giovanni]

Ice Age 4.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

Coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

My kids love that.

[Giovanni]

You can't blame them. I'm great.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're really good in it.

[Giovanni]

I do. I do the voice of Sit the Sloth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

You know, I came up with a stupid voice. I was looking at Discovery Channel footage of sloth because I'm that kind of method guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

And I discovered that slot there, there. Sloths put store their food in their cheek pouches.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Giovanni]

And if. And it stayed there so long because they're slow that it ferments. So they're basically drunk. And. And so I took a sandwich.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. So I took a sandwich and I started walking around the house. A little wine. And I was like, oh shoot. This is the voice I'm calling the director right now. This is, this is Sit the Sloth.

[Adam Carolla]

So they put the food in the cheese ferments and they essentially get drunk off their fermented food.

[Giovanni]

You can wait that long? I can't really.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like when a pig eats like at a peach orchard and the peaches sit on the ground and they fermented grandpa and they get drunk. You know what's funny?

[Giovanni]

College. You get to give. A lot of college kids can start doing that when they're broke. Go to like a peach orchard and.

[Adam Carolla]

Just take like a 6 inch sub from Subway, shove it up in your cheek and just wait about 30, what, six months. Such a buzz. All right, let me give a little love to a sponsor to John Legazamma, NASA.

[Giovanni]

Next one of them.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but after this they should jump on board. Gazelle. You probably got a lot of gadgets, a lot of electronic gadgets. Eye touches, phones, eye everything, Stuff that. And it's just you don't know what to do with it because it's out of date. You're not using some of the stuff anymore. It piles up in your closet. You don't want to throw it in a lamp.

[Giovanni]

I never throw anything away.

[Adam Carolla]

These guys take it your hands and they'll give you money for it. So all that crap that's piled up in your closet, that I got a.

[Giovanni]

Lot of that crap you can't throw.

[Adam Carolla]

Away because there's more technology in that thing that you might need it.

[Giovanni]

I might need it. Don't know how to dispose of it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Gazelle.com. that's Gazelle.com. the leaders.

[Giovanni]

How do you spell that?

[John Leguizamo]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's. I like you. G, A, Z, E, L, L, E. I wonder what a gazelle would sound like. I don't feel like they have a voice. You don't hear a voice.

[Giovanni]

Somebody should speak up for the gazelles. They, you know, they chased by lines. Nobody appreciates them.

[Adam Carolla]

Them.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, somebody speak up for the gazelles.

[Adam Carolla]

They're like mute sprinters, but they would talk like this.

[Giovanni]

Maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Watch out, the lions are coming. Oh, hell fucking there. You grab me by the leg. Fucking bastard. I'm looking for a girlfriend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Get rid of that iPhone 3G. And update, by the way, to your iPhone 4. Gazelle giving you 100 bucks for those babies. Or you can replace your.

[Giovanni]

Oh, they give you money, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

And then they sell. They sell the stuff too. They recycle it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what. I don't care. At that point, they will take your outdated technology, they will pay you for it, and you can step up into the newer version of it. You can replace your old shot.

[Giovanni]

Like a pawn shop with technology.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. For nerds instead of Civil War idiots and. And. And. And construction workers that are strung out on speed.

[John Leguizamo]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The. That's Gazelle dot com. Don't just sell it. Gazelle it. Gazelle.com.

[Giovanni]

You come up with that just now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Don't sell it. Gazelle it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, you ever go into a pawn shop?

[Giovanni]

Used to all the time, back in the day.

[Adam Carolla]

And you see, like a circular saw and you think some son of a bitch was making his living off that thing and then dropped it off here for 20 bucks. It's always sad.

[Giovanni]

Oh, you grew up in LA. I'm going circular.

[Adam Carolla]

So most cities see guitars.

[Giovanni]

I grew up in Manhattan, you know, it was all. It was mostly horns, guitars, watches.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

A lot of cameras and stuff. And I was like, oh, man, how much is that? No, I can't afford that. I'll come back later.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's what I could never figure out. I never knew the price of anything except for tools, because that was my business. And I would see a sawzall that was rusted out and the cord had been cut off, and they were trying.

[Giovanni]

To sell it to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Completely fucked up. And they're trying to sell it for 99 bucks. But meanwhile, I could go to Home depot and for $112, get a brand new one with a warranty. So what kind of break was that? I don't feel like they offer enough savings at the pawn shop.

[Giovanni]

I just don't think you're going to the right pawn shop.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe that's it.

[Giovanni]

There was a lot of pretty mint condition stuff that I saw.

[Adam Carolla]

But maybe the whole idea is I bought a guitar and we started 99 and we work them down.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, right, right, right. We got to start high because you're gonna negotiate anyway. You're coming in there.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like everything at a pawn shop has just bad juju.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God. Because they rob the poor drug addicts when they come in. I need a fig. Here, take my guitar. I used to be one of the great jazz musicians. Here, take it.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it's weird.

[Giovanni]

It's not really worth a lot, you know, I'll give you, like, you know, what, a $2 for that, right? God, this is my life, man. You know Miles Davis? I played for Miles Davis.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

Five bucks, right? And then they sell it for like 200 bucks, 300 bucks. Yeah, it starts off bad.

[Adam Carolla]

What would it sound like if Antonio Banderas was trying to sell the bass guitar he played with Miles Davis?

[Giovanni]

These are. I bring in my wife's lips. I got my wife's implant lips right here for you.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, man. I give it four bucks.

[Giovanni]

This is Melanie Griffith. I kissed her. These are. These are her lip implants.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me. Let me use those. Let me go to the bathroom.

[Giovanni]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

They fit.

[Giovanni]

Don't worry, because I. If you don't take, you have to go somewhere else.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. I'll be back in a second.

[John Leguizamo]

No.

[Giovanni]

Nice neck. She's been paying me enough lately. Unless some boots is canceled once you.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that grandfather clock while I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be back.

[Giovanni]

Oh, okay. Thank you. Oh, there they go. She got the lips back. Oh, she looks like a female sloth.

[Adam Carolla]

Something. Here's what happens. Chicks go nuts at a certain point, right? Oh, actresses, you mean actresses?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Be more specific.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me be specific. You don't have to speak about your lovely wife.

[Giovanni]

But my wife is untouched.

[Adam Carolla]

I can say this about not sexually, but. No, I understand. I was talking about this the other day in front of my wife, but I was explaining that every woman who has kids hits her 40th birthday and then goes insane like they're all nuts. Now all the dudes are Fine.

[Giovanni]

The dudes are fine. What about midlife crises for dudes?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's.

[Giovanni]

You want to play around, That's a.

[Adam Carolla]

Healthy expression of sexuality.

[Giovanni]

That's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

That ain't going nuts. You want to fuck a hot 21 year old, that's not going. Ain't nuts. That's just horny. Yeah, that's nature taking its course. Let's not judge those heroes.

[Giovanni]

The point is, I'm not judging you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm talking about going wacky. Like they go. Like I have. Tell me if you experience this. I talk about this all times. Like Dr. Drew, greatest guy in the world, but his wife's a little nutty. So when me and he still hangs.

[Giovanni]

Out with you, his wife still lets you hang out together?

[Adam Carolla]

She knows I know she knows. I know she's a little nutty. But the point is, is when we want to go out to dinner, all the guys want to go out to dinner. But all the women are nuts. And the women don't really want to hang out with each other cuz it's like nuts. I don't want to hang out with her.

[Giovanni]

But look at her. Look at the.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna be sitting there talking to Dr. Drew the whole time. I'm gonna be getting the stink eye from the nutty broad. They go nuts at a certain point.

[Giovanni]

But it's that whole menopause.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it hormones? No, I'm just saying. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Giovanni]

That's her. That's. That's the nutty one.

[Adam Carolla]

She's nice, but you know what I'm saying? They all go nuts. Has is your. Your wife has not gone nuts?

[Giovanni]

The opposite. I think she had a few little nutty years and now she's much more together. Insane. But she's in therapy too. I mean, I made her go to therapy. I'm a therapy freak.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I am too. I.

[Giovanni]

Well, dude, therapy saved me, man. When I was. I was thrown out of high school, they would. They expelled me and they told me I couldn't get back unless I went to therapy. Therapy saved my life, man.

[Adam Carolla]

How many years of therapy?

[Giovanni]

17. I was 21.

[Adam Carolla]

17 to 20. If you collected. If you collected all your years of therapy, what do you think you have total.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, well, those four years. And I've been in it now for the last three or four, eight years. Not that much. Maybe there's some few years in between too. There's some group therapy and I got six.

[Adam Carolla]

Therapy. I feel weird.

[Giovanni]

Why? How long?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I've done therapy on and off like, my whole life. Because my dad.

[Giovanni]

Well, you're more intellectual than I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My dad ended up being a therapist at a certain point. And my dad didn't dispatch a lot of advice, but one thing he did say to me when I was about 19 is like, you're gonna have some problems here because your mom is a mess. And everything was a mess.

[Giovanni]

And I'm not helping you because I'm withholding.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'll tell you what. And my dad, to his credit, when I was making $7 an hour digging ditches, my dad said, look, I'll find you a therapist. I'm gonna make it a woman. Because I know you're gonna have issues with your mom.

[Giovanni]

That's right. You gotta find the person that you have issues with, and they have to be the therapist.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And I'll pay for half, work it through it, and you pay for the other half. And when you're making seven bucks an hour digging ditches, even half of, you know, 80, 90 bucks an hour, I.

[Giovanni]

Was paying $2 for my therapy.

[Adam Carolla]

How much?

[Giovanni]

Two bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Giovanni]

I paid because I had to pay 10% of whatever I was making at 17.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[John Leguizamo]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

What program was that?

[Giovanni]

It was. It was. It was called. Oh, my God. Youth Counseling League.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Giovanni]

So they weren't real. They weren't like.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But good enough for you?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, they were like, you know, they were like, junior year, sure. But, yeah, they were great for me, man. They helped me. They saved me. They saved my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm the same way. Like, I've always, you know, I. I always say this about therapists and therapy. It's the process.

[Giovanni]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

And you discover things when you're in there. But it's like, I'm not religious, but I've had people try to convert me to Buddhism and things like that. And I would always say to them, I would never argue with sitting down and chanting and focusing for an hour a day.

[Giovanni]

Sound like fun? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How badly could it turn out? And it's therapy to me. The act of going to therapy, just the act of going, hey, I'm gonna take an hour out of my week. I'm gonna go to this place and I'm gonna sit down and work about. Work out things that I should work out.

[Giovanni]

I'm extremely cheap. So I make a list before I go to therapy. Because I know he doesn't, like, stay, you know, 46 minutes, 48 minutes, you know, 45 minutes. Come. He's giving me that, you know. Hmm. Gonna Shut up. Now, when I wait for you, the next sentence, right? And then I'm gonna throw you out, you know, and then he starts to get up and.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

No matter where I'm at, he's. He's gonna throw me out. So I have, like, a list, and I. And I go through my list of I want to talk about this. And when you give me an answer, then I'll give you the next.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's like, pardon the interruption. You and Tony Cornhouse are going at it. 60 seconds on the clock.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah. 60 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Franchise or not.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

And I got a problem with this. And then I got a problem with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Stay in the pocket or not.

[Giovanni]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Just like, blame your parents crying, masturbate or not. Let's go, John. And then you just set the clock and you move on to the next one. See, I don't know what to do.

[Giovanni]

What do you like? You like more relaxed? You just like whatever comes to your mind?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for me, it's sort of like.

[Giovanni]

Well, therapy's 400 bucks in New York, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this is a little cheaper. But it's like saying. It's like saying, I went to the gym, except for I just lay down, I just sit in the sauna and then go home. You know, like, I do. I am a little lazy sometimes.

[Giovanni]

Even in your therapy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I say, I'm going to therapy. Like saying, you're going to the gym, but it only counts if you're in there running hard and working, doing reps.

[Giovanni]

You know, just be posting on, you know, talking and watching tv.

[Adam Carolla]

But I. I have a problem on the treadmill, which I don't know really what to do about, which is I was going to a therapist, and I'd see him once a week for, like, I don't know, six years or something. And I went to therapy even when I was poor and I went to group therapy. And when you poor. Group therapy's a bitch.

[Giovanni]

Everybody's a drug addict.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like, God forbid, when you start leaving the group, the chicks start crying. You leave it. Just like my dad left.

[John Leguizamo]

And you're like, I'm fine.

[Adam Carolla]

I just want to le. Why are you leaving? And then, by the way, they start yelling at you about how fucked up you are and where you're going, and you're like, I just feel like I need to move on. And like, you're such in denial. You have so many problems, and you're like, wow, this really getting ugly. And then chicks are starting to cry, and it turns out they Liked you or they looked you like a dad or something, and it's sexual across some lines or something.

[John Leguizamo]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

God.

[Giovanni]

Now you want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all the fucking baggage of the sex minus.

[Giovanni]

Right, Right. No happy ending.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

Just. Just.

[Adam Carolla]

Just all the baggage. Right. So I said to my therapist, I said, well, I'm doing morning radio. I'm busier. And. And I'm going to start doing Dancing with the Stars this about four years ago. And. And once I start doing Dance with the Stars, I can't come in once a week anymore. I'm going to be so slow.

[Giovanni]

You got a lot of good excuses.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? The schedule's insane. And the morning radio was insane. The schedule. And the twins were just born and I was like, so I gotta take about two months off. Don't worry. They'll kick me off a Dancing with the Stars and then the next week.

[Giovanni]

I'll be free and I'll be free. I'll come back.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So that was about four or five.

[Giovanni]

Years ago, and you haven't been back.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't even not come back. I never said anything. I never called back. I never did anything. I don't know.

[Giovanni]

That's the beautiful thing about therapy. Can always just call. They don't. They don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know, but now you feel like it's been so long. You know that thing where it's like.

[Giovanni]

It'S just your head.

[Adam Carolla]

I should go back. But you know. You know that thing, you have a window to return someone's call, and if it goes more than four days, but.

[Giovanni]

That'S your first time, then it's weird. This is a paid relationship. That person's listening because you're paying them. I mean, yeah, they might care about you, but you're still paying.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[Giovanni]

It's not like a friend that starts to hold it against you because you get calling. He thinks you're a dick, John.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right.

[Giovanni]

He's a therapist.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's take a quick break. By the way, should we take a quick break? You know what?

[Giovanni]

I gotta pee.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta pee? Let me tell you about my friends over at Legal Zoom. I'm gonna Actually, I'm gonna help. They're gonna. I'm gonna use these guys to sort of get together to broach the chasm that has been created between me and my therapist. Life. Unpredictable. You never know. Could be a brownout.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah. Another brownout.

[Adam Carolla]

Could be a blackout.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it brownout when there's a blackout? And I don't really know the exact.

[Giovanni]

Terminology of brownout and blackout. I mean, why did they call it a brownout? Cause it wasn't complete or.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But I like the rolling one. I think a brown out is when there's a blackout and a Colombian guy steals your TV because he's brown.

[Giovanni]

The brown out there. The guy brownout, he took out, took my TV out. The brown guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Unpredictable. That's the point. That's life. And if you're on the road like John is, I suggest go to my PC, brought to you by Citrix. You can stay productive. You can get to whatever's on your work computer from home or whatever's on your home computer from work, or you can be to Starbucks and you can access anything on your work computer, your home computer, all that important stuff. Your Mac, Mac, your PC, and again, your iPad. Go to my PC. Your office computer just a click away, no matter where you are. Get stuck at airport flight delays, pow. Open up that laptop, open up that iPad, get right to your work computer or home computer. Try it for free. That's right, 45 days free. Visit GoToMyPC.com, click on the try it free button and use the promo code. Adam. All right, John, so it's not a of matter.

[Giovanni]

Mac, PC.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm on PC.

[Giovanni]

Oh, I'm PC.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, go to my PC cheap. You can hit a Mac, you can hit a PC. You can get, you can, whatever you have at home or at work, you can get to it.

[Giovanni]

Are you PC or Mac? Mac.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a Mac. But that's because one of our sponsors gave it to us. But the point is, is you could go into our office, turn on your computer, turn on our computer and get.

[Giovanni]

To all my stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Get to all your stuff, wherever you are.

[Giovanni]

Nice. Like your. The office is anywhere now.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Go to my PC. All right, quick break. John's going to take a tingle call.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, and we'll be right like a racehorse.

[Adam Carolla]

Right back after this.

[Giovanni]

Don't miss the Adam Carolla show live this Thursday night with Patrick Warburton and Jim Shaughnessy at the John Lovitz Podcast.

[John Leguizamo]

Theater at Universal CityWalk Showtime, 8pm Tickets.

[Giovanni]

And [e-mail].

[Adam Carolla]

Back here with the great John Legazamo. One Man Show Ghetto Clown. It is out here in Los Angeles and it runs through October 16th and that's at the Ricardo Montalban Theater in Hollywood website. Ghetto Clown with a K, by the way, clown.com and you can Twitter John Leguizamo. Hold on a second, John. Let me Tell you about my friends over at Encore Insurance Services, llc. For a free life insurance quote, you can give them a call, 866-347-5748. Or you can check them out online at their website, smartterm.com. that's smartterm.com. thinking about getting a little life insurance? You should. There's people depending on you. It's a topsy turvy world out there. Or how about you already have some coverage, but you're paying too much? Well, why don't you check out my friends over at Encore? They can help you save. They'll compare the premiums of highly rated insurance they represent to help you save. So they represent some good guys to find out the best fit for you. Pow. You save yourself some money, let them work for you. Give them a call. 866-347-5748. License and Disclaimer information can be found on their [e-mail] that's smartterm.com. all right, Johnny, let's talk a little more about therapy. I know we gotta wrap it up pretty quick here, but I feel this way. And you tell me how you feel about it, right?

[Giovanni]

Go ahead. I'll give my eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Honest. Be honest. Be honest.

[Giovanni]

I try.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like as a society, we don't put enough emphasis on this topic.

[Giovanni]

Therapy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I don't. When I. When I say therapy, I just mean the human.

[Giovanni]

You don't mean medication because everybody is medicated nowadays.

[Adam Carolla]

Not that part.

[Giovanni]

I mean the topics.

[Adam Carolla]

The part where you are living in a society filled with human beings.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And your job, or I should say, your life, will be dedicated or directed depending on how those other human beings treat you.

[Giovanni]

Right? Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Will they give you money? Will they punch you? Will they fuck you? Will they give you a blowjob? Will they give you a raise? Will they give you a ticket?

[Giovanni]

Are you talking about my marriage?

[Adam Carolla]

This is one afternoon at the Lego Zamo house.

[Giovanni]

Oh, man, I'm exhausted already.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weekend.

[Giovanni]

No, emotionally drained.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is, because you need to get people to sort of laugh when you tell a joke, right?

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And if there's a girl you'd like to ask out when you're 22, you'd like to get her phone number. And when a cop pulls you over, it'd be nice if he just gave you a warning instead of.

[Giovanni]

Right. Instead of giving you a big old hundred.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so here we are, living amongst these. What I'm saying is, if you were living amongst polar Bears, penguins, or chimpanzees or any of those lowland gorillas. You would quickly figure out them happy, what pissed them off how.

[Giovanni]

But human beings are more complicated.

[Adam Carolla]

We're more complicated, but yet we don't study it. We don't focus on it.

[Giovanni]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

No one says to the kid, man, you better figure this out so you can get along in life.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, but don't you think, I mean, I gotta say, I mean, maybe things are better back in the day like, like talking about like 1800s or early 1900s where you had a lot more friends and you spent a lot more time talking about children.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Giovanni]

And we spent very little time doing that. So now you got to pay a professional therapist to be all those people that you don't hang out with to talk your out. Because your friends usually sort you out somehow.

[Adam Carolla]

Or there'd be old man Drucker down at the country store.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, we go, yeah, you know what you need? You need to go out there and just get some. Get some. If you got something, you just relax and stop being so tense and worried about everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I had him as more the Petridge farm sounding. Yeah, that guy. Yeah, that guy. That guy. I know you had him.

[Giovanni]

That's New Hampshire. That's New Hampshire.

[Adam Carolla]

Add more New Hampshire wisdom than the sort of bayou wisdom, you know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

But can't understand people from the bayou. Not like that Cajun thing I never heard on a person could talk like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you just nod your head, yeah.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you very much. I'll just be going to Kentucky Fried Chicken over there.

[Adam Carolla]

But what I'm saying is, is don't you, don't you think, wouldn't you think that more people would be interested in the process of therapy and thinking, you.

[Giovanni]

Got to be enlightened? I feel like you got to be enlightened like you had your father. I had my school counselors and everybody in school tell me that I needed therapy. And you gotta be guided there.

[Adam Carolla]

What I don't like is as a society, we give you all kinds of warnings about click it or ticket, don't get in that car, put that seatbelt on, get a child for your kid. And may motorboat safety is no joke. You know, we just beat the shit out of everybody with put your seatbelts on, put yourself on. Because you gotta talk about therapy.

[Giovanni]

Because there's still a stigma to it. I mean, in the military, if you need help, help, it's. And you go to therapy, it's considered a sign of weakness. I mean, right? And if you break it down, you go, okay, that's we all. If you go to therapy, there's still a stigma to it. It's still a sign of. You have problems. You're not okay. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Giovanni]

I mean, when I still go to my therapist, there's somebody sitting out there. When I come out, I don't look at them in the eye, man. No, I'm like, I'm ashamed. I come out. Like, I just. Like, I don't know what I did. Like, I was with a dominatrix or something.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the weirdest thing in the world, especially if your therapist shares a waiting room with another therapist. And then you go in there and you sit down. That's wor. And there's a weird little eye contact. And it's like looking down and you're picking up your magazine, you're wondering, are.

[Giovanni]

They crazier than me or am I crazier than them? And they go. They go. And it's. And it's usually these. Manhattan.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but you got it. You got it worse because you're like, that's a dude from Executive Decision. That's the guy from 2 on airplane.

[Giovanni]

But it was when he wore that dress that it fucked him up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's the problem. If you're just a civilian, then they just think you're a run of the mill.

[Giovanni]

Maybe that's why. And especially, like, if you have like a really emotional session, like you. You screamed, you yelled, you cried, and you're coming out and you're like, oh, fuck. They can see that I'm emotionally twisted. They gotta. They're gonna tell by. They're gonna Twitter, they're gonna Facebook.

[Adam Carolla]

I've heard shit coming through. Oh, you have system.

[Giovanni]

But don't they have that noise? The. All the therapist men have that. That white noise.

[Adam Carolla]

I need it. I've heard shit coming through the thing and my father wouldn't stop raping me. And I'm like, listen, I got that iPhone right up to it, because I got a problem with one of my Lamborghinis. I got this guy coming through the park. Yeah, he only has a couple Lamborghinis.

[Giovanni]

Well, 20,000 cars, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you, there should be.

[Giovanni]

Hey, your camera's not on you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

What the. Adam, I gotta correct this shit. Everybody, what do we. When we see Ghetto Clown? 90 minutes. How long are we talking about here?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, I would say it's two hours of the 20 minute intermission. We start 10 minutes late. Give me a chance. To warm up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I saw the clips. I haven't seen the show, but I saw the trailer.

[Giovanni]

Everybody said, this is my best show. I mean, it's always weird when they say that because. What, you didn't like my other shows? I mean, what's wrong with. But they say this is my best. And I feel like it is. Like I'm really tapping some really dark, dark craziness, and it's a little Sam Kinison in there and then, you know, then some crazy hilarity. And I think it's moving and inspiring.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you want to be moved and inspired again, you can just go to Ghetto Clown with a K, K, L, O, W N Ghetto Clown dot com. You can get tickets there. John Legazama. This has been a treat because it's.

[Giovanni]

Always a big fan. I always love talking to you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do it soon.

[Giovanni]

You always make me think you do.

[Adam Carolla]

Think I'm an asshole or just.

[Giovanni]

No, you made me think that whole train experience was bugging me. I gotta call. I gotta call my therapist.

[Adam Carolla]

Please.

[Giovanni]

I hate doing Skype therapy. Have you done Skype Therap?

[Adam Carolla]

No. You've done Skype therapy.

[Giovanni]

Maybe I feel a little too much. Maybe I'm a little sicker than I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they give you a break or is it still the same price charges the same. Wow. Not even.

[Giovanni]

But I left my campus for a couple years, and when I came back, the good thing is you can say, look, it's a recession. Let's cut the feedback. So you can use that. You can maybe get a half. Pricey, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna work on that. By the way, I'll be at the Universal City Walk with Patrick Warburton coming up this Thursday doing a live show. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for John Leguizamo saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Krolo show 663. Coming up next, we have Adam Carollo show 681. Dave Attell.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, one on one.

[Giovanni]

Back in 2011, from Adam Carolla's hotel room in New York City, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Today, Adam sits down one on one with Dave Attell. And now in his hotel room last night, he gave new meaning to the.

[John Leguizamo]

Phrase New York Yankee.

[Giovanni]

Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Dave Attell has come and joined me on this sofa in my luxury suite. And again, it's. We're doing the shows from New York, and we have some New York fixtures. David, tell out here to Dave, you born and bred out here. What's the story.

[John Leguizamo]

I'm from Long Island, Queens originally, but I've been living in the city now for over 20 years, which I think is way too long, because now I'm old. All my dreams have died and dried on the streets. Time for me to move on, let the new kids in, the rent and all that kind of stuff. But, yeah, I've been here for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing standup on the road, by the way. October 20th through the 23rd at the Washington D.C. improv and Irvine Improv. November 4th through the 6th. Sick of it.

[John Leguizamo]

Love it.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, Dave, one of the best stand ups there is. I mean, I do clearly remember seeing your act. I hope I've told you this before.

[John Leguizamo]

You tell me the story every time we meet.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, then fuck it.

[John Leguizamo]

He says. No. Say it. Say it. Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[John Leguizamo]

San Francisco.

[Adam Carolla]

San Francisco. Me and Jimmy and I didn't even know it was the punchline, but it was, I guess, the punchline. Was it the punchline?

[John Leguizamo]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And just, I just remember sitting there thinking, like, this is a master craftsman. Like, this guy is commanding the stage. His jokes are all fucking hysterical. And in a weird way, you know when they talk about how people encourage you to go like, oh, man, I heard Bill Cosby and it made me want to get into comedy and all that kind of stuff. I saw David Tell do comedy, and I was like, fuck it, I'm not that good. I'm not gonna do that. I'll do another form of comedy, but I'm not gonna do that. Stand up comedy. They do that thing where it's like, they go, hey, this guy inspired me to do something. But if he's so fucking good and there's a huge chasm between you and him, why is that inspiring? It's intimidating.

[John Leguizamo]

The fact that you would even put me in the same category as Bill Cosby is incredibly over. Thank you. But no, I'm not there. I inspire the way, like when you watch a P90X commercial late at night, like, hey, I can you wake up in the morning? What? What did I order?

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I love those things where they have the piece. The apparatus.

[John Leguizamo]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And the apparatus folds into 15. You know, there's 4,000 different variations of a push up you could do. And then it folds again. And now you're doing lateral chin ups and you're doing this whole thing. But you realize at a certain point, all you need is a prison cell with one of those pipes that goes above it, which I don't think they have in real prison cells, right? You know the one where ST would do chin ups on it or whatever or, or, you know, Nick Cage would do inverted crunchies on it or something. I don't think they have a lot of open piping in prison cells.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah. I don't think they even give them like a jump rope or anything. They're so afraid they're gonna use it as a weapon.

[Adam Carolla]

But you do realize at a certain point all you need to do is do push ups, right? Yes.

[John Leguizamo]

The one thing you had to do in gym class is the ultimate universal, you know, way to babes and just fortune.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So Dave Attell his website. Dave's oldporn.com and you can also shutting off his various apparatus showtime.com shows. I did the show.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's, it's, it's a bizarre show. It's a great concept. You sit there and look at old porn with the now old porn star who was in said old porn.

[John Leguizamo]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And you don't realize it, but you hang around long enough. And these chicks are in their 70s now.

[John Leguizamo]

Well, you were so cool because, as you all know, and, well, anybody who's listened to this podcast knows that Adam is up for anything and that like, he does not, like, it's not like, you know, whoa, that's not in my wheelhouse. You like to try different things.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[John Leguizamo]

You know, just from, you know, the Dancing with the Stars to the movies to the tv. And also helping out old, you know, I guess, road comic like you did, because you really did jump into it and like, it was great. Because you're a better host than me. I might know porn a little bit better than you, but you're a way better host than me. And we did have like the ultimate, ultimate get, if you will, in the porn world. Georgina Spelman, who is the godmother of porn, or as you kept referring to her as the old lady in the next room. Do you remember this?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yes.

[John Leguizamo]

We kept laughing at that in the edit every time we heard it.

[Adam Carolla]

I never, you know, my feeling with all this stuff, especially with comedians. I don't understand why so many comedians have so many rules about what they'll do, what they'll not do, what they'll expose themselves to, the positions they'll put themselves in. And I have one rule, basically. Things don't go into my asshole. That's. I mean, things that I don't approve.

[John Leguizamo]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Approve them. There's a vetting process.

[John Leguizamo]

No wipeout.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Other than that. Dance with the Stars. I think about it and I go, that sounds like an experience. And then someone says, you're no good at that. And I go, yeah, I know. That's why. Yeah, that's why. It'll be an experience. And sit down with David, tell with an old woman and watch her get fucked and make jokes about her pussy being hairy. And that sounds like.

[John Leguizamo]

Don't give away the whole show.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, I stepped on it.

[John Leguizamo]

A little something there for the audience. Yes, pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds like fun to me.

[John Leguizamo]

Well, you were great at it. And the point of it is that this retro porn. As a lover of porn, I will say that the retro stuff doesn't get as much play as today's porn. As we all know. It's all on the Internet. And the people who make porn are losing, you know, tons of cash because we're all downloading it free. And this old vintage porn is kind of like these hidden treasures, just rare gems that, like, you know, some people know about them, some people don't, but it's a whole different error. And you totally picked up on it and that, like, you know, there's more to the porn than just the sex. I mean, back then, they were more art movie than they were porn. We saw that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they thought they were, you know, avant garde, sort of bohemian artists. Like half the chicks, and this is what I dig about it, half the chicks weren't porn stars. They were students or whatever who were sort of there for the artistic side of it and also because they were dreadfully scared of being labeled. And the death knell for anybody in the 70s or late 60s was the same, was somebody to call you uptight, right? And they didn't want to be uptight. They want to say, like, hey, man, you know, I'm cool. I'm not uptight. I'll do this. And then there was a part where they didn't know it would live on forever.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, you brought that up during the show, but we didn't really put that in there. But it's. See, as a comic, you know, I'm kind of like more on their side because it's like we're free agents. You know, we're out there. We're all kind of like broken toys. And, like, a lot of them did it as an experience. A lot of them did it because they were act actors or actresses who, like, just were trying to make it in the biz. Georgina Spelman, a perfect example. She was in the Pajama Game and, you know, Once Upon a Mattress, all these. All these Broadway shows, and she was a dancer. Before, she was an adult film actress, and she did a million different things. She was the understudy for Shirley MacLaine. I mean, she. You know, and like. But that doesn't lead to.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if somebody pulled these people aside in 1972 whenever it was and said, you know, look, Harry Reams, first off, there's going to be a guy coming along named Geraldo Rivera. Everyone's going to confuse it to you. Don't listen to them. You're the real talent here, number one. Number two, one day you're going to be living in Simi Valley, attempting to sell real estate.

[John Leguizamo]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, you are going to get $125 for deep dive Throat.

[John Leguizamo]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll be. You'll be through that money this weekend. Now, another thing I have to warn you about is there's something that doesn't exist now. It's going to be VHS tapes. Then they're going to be home players, and they're going to be DVDs, and there's going to be a magical box called a computer.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That is going to be on everyone's desk. And your kids and their kids and their kids will be able to summon you long after you're gone getting blown by a Nerf. Now, do you want the $125 to do this or not? I think the answer would probably be no at that point.

[John Leguizamo]

But I think there also was a sense of rebellion that a lot of them would have said, like, what the fuck? I mean, it's just, you know, sex. And sex is like a form of expression. I mean, they were less uptight back then. You know, it was definitely a wilder time. You know, you could smoke inside and, you know, gas was cheap and all that. But I think the cool thing about the whole experience is, is that, you know, we look at it from our today eyes. And you said, you know, a lot of these are old, older people, but, you know, a lot of them are just a couple years older than me. I'm 46 years old. And, like, we had Nina Hartley on and Sharon Kane, two other legends of Porn, Ron Jeremy and Paul Thomas, who's. Who is more towards the beginning of the Golden Age. But Nina and the rest of them are really just in their 50s. So, you know, it's like while I was at home, home, you know, like, learning how to, like, light a, you know, an ant hill on fire. They were, like, doing double penetration, so they're fucking anthills. Yeah, they were.

[Adam Carolla]

And, yeah, Paul. Paul Thomas, very cool dude and a hell of a Director.

[John Leguizamo]

Yes. And I think he's doing the next Harold Kumar. I'm not exactly sure really. I believe 5D.

[Adam Carolla]

He's. He's also a guy with a very average sized cock who you really thought so made his way into poor porn.

[John Leguizamo]

I don't. I don't think it was really size back then. I think it was character.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Very average.

[John Leguizamo]

There was a. Definitely different. Yeah, because now it's all like power drilling the chick and like, you know, just like pile driving or. It's more mma, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It is. And this is, this brings me to a point that was pissing me off that I was yelling about on a previous podcast. You know, I went to a strip club and it had been a while, like.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, when's. What's the. What's you with the strip clubs now?

[Adam Carolla]

Where am I at with the strip clubs?

[John Leguizamo]

Because you're. You're married.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, married. I have kids.

[John Leguizamo]

I mean, I figure we're in a hotel, so maybe you're not.

[Adam Carolla]

My wife doesn't give a shit.

[John Leguizamo]

She doesn't care, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No. She knows I'm not up to anything or. Or really just doesn't give a shit. It's one or the other. It's probably a little of each. But the point is, is I went in there and first off, you know, used to hear Slow Ride, you know, and you know, just like good strip songs and you know, all that sort of girls. Girls and everything. And now it's just turned into this crazy syntho grind shit, which is, you know, the music is just pumping. It's all sort of.

[John Leguizamo]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's what happened I sort of blame. I think I blame Red Bull because people, people used to have cocktails and now they're drinking Red Bull and vodka and they're just turbocharging all these assholes and the music's getting power up and the chicks, they're shaved and they're covered with tattoos and they have these aggressive piercings and they're fucking angry. And the poll as I was. I was saying in some article I was working on, which is. I think the. The origins of the stripper poll was to steady the stripper that was literally shitfaced.

[John Leguizamo]

I never thought of that in her.

[Adam Carolla]

Brain like she, she needed. She's walking around stiletto heels with a D cup and she's had five high balls and she literally had to grab onto something or she'd go ass over tea kettle into the front row. Now it's turned into an Olympic Sport. The chicks are holding it. They're going into, like, the iron cross and they're holding themselves like a flag. And I'm seeing all the veins in their arms and shit. And it's like it's turned into a show.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't want the show. The show is the titties.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah. The fantasy. The fantasy of the.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to see a naked chick who. Not a. Not a gymnast, who's strung out on speed and covered with tattoos. You know what I'm saying?

[John Leguizamo]

Well, I. You brought up a lot of great points. First of all, the music, like, you know, as we saw from the porn on the show, Dave's old porn, is that these girls were natural, right? Like, some of them had huge renaissance fair, like, boobies. Some of them had, you know, just a little pointy, you know, whatever, you know, like, hey, she better have a good personality, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they all have fake tits, by the way. Now. Now. Right, so.

[John Leguizamo]

But the music, as you were saying, is like. Like, I saw a girl dance to Katy Perry. Now, that doesn't make you hard. That makes you, like, go out and volunteer, you know, rescue a dog or something, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's weird.

[John Leguizamo]

Sexy.

[Adam Carolla]

At least you recognize the song. I was getting hit with all this, like, syntho, just driving, just super fast reggaeton style music. That was just the worst shit on the planet.

[John Leguizamo]

Were you in Greece at the time? Because that seems like a Greek.

[Adam Carolla]

I was in Canada. Canada, actually. So maybe.

[John Leguizamo]

There you go. That's a little Euro.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe that did it. But. But I think you like you. And I like the natural beauty.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the approach to the old stuff like that. The new stuff where the chick is. I always call it angry. Angry at the. She's spitting on it. She's like slapping my.

[John Leguizamo]

Trying to get information. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

She's waterboarding the. With saliva. It's like cocks in Guantanamo Bay. She walks in the next room, fires off her gun and says, I just shot your partner the balls. Now that you're gonna get the next bullet, like, yeah. You shouldn't be trying to extract information from the cock. You extract semen.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your job.

[John Leguizamo]

That's the porn of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

And this one of the scenes that we watch because Georgina was up for anything and not many girls would take the. The other road, if you know what I talk. If I'm talking about highway. Yeah, The Hershey highway. And she did. And the problem with this show is that it's unscripted, uncensored. But there are some things. And that was one of them. So we have to kind of COVID in funny ways how we do this stuff. You were very good helping me do a play by play. You know, I'm not saying it's family friendly. Like, don't go like, hey, kids, you know, in between seasons of Breaking Bad, we're going to check this out, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

It's. It's pretty raw. So I think if you like porn, you'll love it, or if you're just lonely, you'll like it.

[Adam Carolla]

But either way, it'll.

[John Leguizamo]

It was good. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot better than real sex.

[John Leguizamo]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

It's. It's not as. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And you will see me and Dave and the woman who's featured in the.

[John Leguizamo]

Movie, an amazing woman, Georgina Spelman, going.

[Adam Carolla]

Going through her movie.

[John Leguizamo]

And of course, we saw the beginning of shaving. It was like kind of like watching the first moon landing, wasn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, we all know where we were when Georgina took the first Bic to her pussy. I mean, it's like Kennedy being shot at the moon landing.

[John Leguizamo]

They let us out of school early that day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she did. She actually. Yeah. There was a, you know, shave scene, which was considered very arty. Very arty and risque back in the day. And now not so much.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah. Now all the girls, like, they laser it. So it's like. That's forever. That's. Talk about, like, making a choice. It's like, right, no more. That's it. That's going to free me up for all the other things that I want to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like, I don't. I don't wear a beard and a mustache like Dave does. But I like to know that I could.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or that if I ever became. If I became a fugitive justice or something, I could. You know, there's certain plans, certain things I'd like to do, or I bought a plantation and I needed a mustache.

[John Leguizamo]

Or you just want to go down and play the bongos that take back Wall Street.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So I wouldn't commit to the lasering part.

[John Leguizamo]

I see.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And. Yeah, so today's porn is filled with the tats, the piercings, the lasering, the chicks that are angry at the cock. And then you have this sort of weird somehow, and I never. Everyone makes fun of the story. Part of it.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But just the part where the guy shows up and he's there for some reason other than to fuck.

[John Leguizamo]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they end up seven minutes later. But the point. The point is that there was some semblance or at least an attempt At a story. I kind of missed that.

[John Leguizamo]

No, they took it really seriously. And one of the cool things about old porn is that, like, they shot it, like, on these crazy locations. Like, now it seems every porno was shot at the same house somewhere in Santa Monica, right? A Saudi prince or some other guy, he was like, you know, hit the lotto or something. He's got this amazing house of the pool. But these were like, you know, basically, it was like a Law and Order episode. They're like, right? One minute they're in a hot dog stand, the next minute, you know, they're on top of a gondola. You know, it's crazy, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

But I'm glad you did it. You were very good at it. And, you know, I don't know if that was just you, because, like you said in the beginning, you're like, I. I don't know, because of my faith. I think that was kind of a very interesting way to get into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, the Muslim religion has tenants to it that are very strict.

[John Leguizamo]

I understand and I respect it. And. Can I fly tomorrow? Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Gazelle, everybody. One of our newest sponsors. As a matter of fact, I was just sitting around the hotel room the other day and saw a Gazelle commercial on tv. And I thought, oh, they're really growing. They've hit it big. Gazelle is a company that takes your old electronics, laptops, digital cameras, MP3 players, ebook readers, all that kind of stuff. Smartphones, all the stuff that you have. That's just weird. I keep saying we're now living in a time where there's a whole bunch of gray area. Like when we were kids, something would just fall apart and you would just throw it away. And there was a stuff that clearly you kept, and then the stuff that was garbage. Now there's this still stuff, like, you know, an E reader or smartphone or some cell phone that's nine years old. It's not really garbage. No, you can't throw it in the trash. But I don't know what to do with it. You're not using it now. That's where Gazelle comes in. Don't just sell it. Gazelle it. They'll give you a box, you put it in, you send it to them, you go online, you can find out what they'll pay for whatever you have. You want to get the new. Everyone's talking about the new iPhone now. You want to get the new iPhone, iPhone. You want to get the upgrade. You want to go to the iPhone4, Gazelle, give you 100 bucks for the old one. Or you can replace your old iPad and get the iPad2. They'll give you 200 bucks and up, by the way, on all these numbers for your old stuff so it doesn't just sit around in your closet waiting to catch on fire. Boom. You give it to gazelle. They give you the money, you put it toward the new one. It's all works out the Gazelle.com. gazelle.com. Don't just sell it. Gazelle it. So, Dave, let's talk about you.

[John Leguizamo]

Let's talk about the iPhone for a second.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[John Leguizamo]

Now, you're a guy who understands technology more than I do.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, you tweet and do all that kind of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Little bit.

[John Leguizamo]

A little bit. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty bad.

[John Leguizamo]

Okay. But would you fly from another country to get to an Apple store in a foreign land to get the new. Whatever they're selling now, the new iPhone or whatever it is, Would you.

[Adam Carolla]

If it was Canada and they were selling it in the strip club?

[John Leguizamo]

Okay. Yeah, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe. No, I wouldn't.

[John Leguizamo]

Because you sleep all night long to be.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I would not camp out. Here's the whole thing. I realize that the iPhone that I currently have has more computing ability than probably the first space shuttle had in it.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And that I. When I say I'm using one tenth of the technology that's currently in the iPhone phone. That's a wild exaggeration. It's probably one millionth of a half a percent that I'm actually using on the one that I have now. So why do I need to step up? It's this sort of thing. It's like. This happens with golf clubs. Guys that are using drivers that can't swing and have no golf game and can't fucking get the ball 100 yards down the field are stepping up to the newest Big Bertha titanium counterweight. You know, with the graphite shaft and stuff like dick. You can't even hit one that was made out of, like, wood and cat gut. You couldn't get the ball down the field. You don't deserve this. This driver. You don't deserve your titanium putter with, you know. You know, that's made by the aerospace company.

[John Leguizamo]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, you know what, guys?

[John Leguizamo]

Beyond. It's beyond your ability.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys do this with bicycles.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You see guys driving. It's like some Cannondale thing that's, you know, 80 grand worth of bike that was developed in a wind tunnel. And, you know, it's. It's made of carbon fiber and all that. And meanwhile, you should just be on a fucking huffy, douchebag. You're not good enough for this bike. You can. You can't do whatever. So I realize I am the douchebag who needs to be on the huffy of phones.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, I definitely want it dumbed down. And the fact that, like. Like, you said it best. It's like, I'm using it. You're using it for whatever you need to. To do it. But evidently we're not using it the way these people are, where they're like, I have to get the first one. Like, it's like some kind of. Like, it's like getting, like, a transplant or something. Like, I need it or else I'm gonna die. Like, I. I'm like, I can wait. I can wait. I'm sure it's gonna come out, like, bootleg or something, but it's like, I don't care. And the more that's out there, the more it frightens me. Because every time you get on, you're thinking. Thinking like, oh, now they know where I am. And if you're ever drank in your life, you're like, that's the one thing you never want. It's like people that go like, now they know where I am. You know, I don't want that. I want to be, you know, just hidden, you know? So, yeah, it frightens me. All technology. I think I'm Amish. I don't know what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

How much. How much drinking do you do and how much do you enjoy drinking?

[John Leguizamo]

I haven't drank in years. Now I'm just cigarettes and coffee. Basically. That's all I'm doing. And it is boring. I know you're a guy who doesn't have a problem with alcohol or anything like that. Your guy working the tape thing over here, Gary, of course, Checking his tweets. Never stop drinking because it is boring. And.

[Adam Carolla]

And to all the kids that are listening. Yeah, young people out there, be good to your kidneys.

[John Leguizamo]

But also, like, keep the booze in play, because once it's gone, then you're like, oh, man. It's like, I've got, like, five Locked Up Abroad episodes to watch. That's it. The problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Problem with booze is it just. It gets great. And there's so many different kinds, really. There's one for everybody. I don't care if you're a young teenage girl or an old dude who's about to meet his fate. There is a booze for you, a multitude. And then, you know, if you Want to step away from the liquor. You can go to the wine. You want to step away from that. There's 300 kinds of beer. Just Sam Adams makes enough, you know. Oh, we got the new winter ales. Come in. And I just sit. I see those commercials. But I realized like yesterday I walked from where I am, which is right, I mean, I mean, very close to Central park, all the way down to ground Zero.

[John Leguizamo]

That's good walk.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a good chug. And I just walked alone. I just put my earbuds in, in and listen to some books on cassette and all that, whatever it is, ebooks and all that. I get. At a certain point, I get about halfway there and I walk. I go by this Italian place, and it's open. It's that very New Yorky kind of openy, villagey kind of vibe. And. And it's empty. And they got like a mahogany bar. And I just said I should stop and have a nice glass of wine here.

[John Leguizamo]

You earned it.

[Adam Carolla]

I earned it. It was three in the afternoon.

[Giovanni]

It felt.

[Adam Carolla]

It just felt like I should and it wasn't. I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. But the problem is, it's like, it does feel like you should drink earlier and earlier and more often. Like 10 years ago, if I went out for a walk, I would have went out for a walk. I would have got a coffee or a water or smoothie or something. I would have come back something. Now porn. I'm sitting alone at a bar just having a glass of red wine. And then later on that night when I got back to my hotel room, another glass of wine seemed appropriate as well. But before you know it, it's pretty easy to go through a bottle of wine.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it, it happens pretty quickly if you're just sort of putzing around.

[John Leguizamo]

But you, you can handle your booze. Like, a bottle of wine for you is just kind of like the, you know, opening the menu. What else do we have, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So what. What happened with you and the booze?

[John Leguizamo]

No, I just had to stop. Like, you know, health wise. One of my kidneys is. Is messed up. My liver is large. And let's face it, I'm old.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm really old.

[John Leguizamo]

I did a show about drinking, you know, I drank a lot. And now, like, I kind of want to move on. And I wish I really could quit cigarettes, but the more they want me to quit, the more I want to smoke. Like, I was just at an airport where you're not allowed to smoke in the airport.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course.

[John Leguizamo]

Right outside the airport. Not at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

And I'm like, where can I smoke? A cop comes up on a Segway and goes, not at the airport. I'm like, well, where does the airport end and the smoking begin? Like, when I don't hear airplanes that. When I can light up. So I'm like, I can't believe. Like, the smoking thing is, like, everywhere. Like, we're somewhere in New York City right now. You can't smoke anywhere in this town. Even, like, the most smokeable places where there is no, like, life. Like the line to Spider man, the musical. You can't smoke there. Right, Sorry. I was getting choked up there or dying. I could barely breathe as I was telling this story about smoking. No, but no, I'm glad. It's all like, kind of like, you know, I really don't. You know, I'm done. You know, I don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[John Leguizamo]

You got lots more energy when you don't drink. That's for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you do.

[John Leguizamo]

For masturbation. Oh, it never goes to anything positive.

[Adam Carolla]

To vintage porn.

[John Leguizamo]

Sound like, now I'm gonna finish that deck.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

Don't do any of that.

[Adam Carolla]

So now, as far as standup goes.

[John Leguizamo]

Yes, this is a good one.

[Adam Carolla]

Burdened. I mean, you do it because you love it. You do it because you're meant to do it. You do it because you have to.

[John Leguizamo]

Well, I'm going to just throw it back at you because you, I always thought could be a great standup because, like, you're great on your feet, which I think is like a rare skill in stand up now where, like, people go up there and, like, somebody says something to the crowd and they don't get all flustered. They know how to handle it. And you know how to do that from many years, radio and just doing your shows and stuff. But you must get the thrill of just like every night it's a little different. Right, Right. I think one of us just got canceled.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary's picked up the phone. Sorry.

[John Leguizamo]

This is the kind of hotel, I'm not going to say it's extravagant, but you can order an entire entire circus up here if you'd want. Like, yeah, let me get a burger and a circus. And they could do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

All right. But stand up is, I guess, the thing I do. I'm not a great stand up. I'm just trying to hold in the good to average area because I think there's a lot of great standups out there right now, and I'm not one of them. I Like, to do this kind of stand up that I like to do. Dirty, filthy, inappropriate. And it shocks the crowd a lot. Little bit. But if they really listen to the joke, they realize that, like, it's a joke. It's just pushing an envelope, if you will. But it's nothing like, you know, there's no reason to take it any more than what it is. It's just a joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Who are some of those great comics that you speak?

[John Leguizamo]

Okay, yeah, let's go. Our list. The known comics, of course, the big, big comics would be Louis CK Totally talk about, like, going to the next level. Amazing. He's selling out all over the country. Super, super funny dude. And he talks about his family, but he talks about it in the same way he used to do his other act. Filthy, dirty, funny, you know, inappropriate. And they eat it up. They love it. He deserves every. Everything he gets with that. It's great. Dan Tosh, I think he's amazing. Great joke writer, powerful act. People know him from his show, but he's been doing comedy for so long. Finally gets his due. And the ladies, of course, Chelsea, great comic. Whitney, have you had her on here?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Great.

[John Leguizamo]

And Amy Schumer, super cool. Just did the Comedy Central roast with Anthony Jeselnik. Great comic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So those.

[John Leguizamo]

And they're all like, inappropriate, you know, hard edge comics. I like it like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And the business for you?

[John Leguizamo]

I think I need a halls or something. Good.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll give you a Mentholatum rub after the commercial.

[John Leguizamo]

It's got to be on some kind of weird, like, massage weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

I could feel the, you know, the business is weird because it's a weird business that a lot of people don't know. Like, for instance, when I was at. Oh, let's see, I was playing like one of those casinos in New Jersey, and it was like, sorry, I was playing the Borgata in Atlantic City, or it was a place like that. And we were playing like the thousand seater. And then I saw the little card, it says, coming up later in the the month, Jim Gaffigan. And he's playing the 4,000 seed, you know, and, you know, it's like. And I'm talking to my booker, and first off, you know, there's always some guy you're with who's like, who's Jim Gaffigan? And you're like, that's my point.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, he's a great comic. Theater. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But why is he playing the 4,000 seater? And then there's. So it's like, if I talk to people, right? And I said, dava, Ted, Jim Gaffigan. If I just sort of pulled people across on the street, and I like Jim Gaffigan, but I'm just saying, if I just stop people on the street. Dave Attell, Jim Gaffigan. I bet you more people would know who Dave Attell as, well. Especially.

[John Leguizamo]

I don't know about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's just say would be split down the middle.

[John Leguizamo]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And certainly here in New York. And maybe it's an East Coast, west coast thing, but. Okay. But maybe it's a. Gaffigan's a middle of the country guy. I don't know. But the point. Point is, Gary. Jim Gaffigan. You know who he is? All right? You know who Dave Attell is?

[John Leguizamo]

I'm right here.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a tie here, okay? The point is. The point is this.

[John Leguizamo]

At least we got Gary to move. He's. He's off his Facebook page for a second.

[Adam Carolla]

You're. You're. You're playing the clubs. Yeah, and the occasional theater, I'm sure.

[John Leguizamo]

But I love the clubs. I'm a club comic, so that's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't want to play that. But I. I'm sorry. Saying Jim Gaffigan is drawing more of a crowd than Dave Attell is.

[John Leguizamo]

He's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

But why? Well, and who knows? And why? You know what I mean? It's like we had. Oh, Jesus Christ. Who's the Mexican dude we just had on?

[John Leguizamo]

Gabriel?

[Adam Carolla]

Gabriel? Yeah. Gabriel Glacier. Yeah. And so you're talking to Gabriel Glacis, and again, you could stop most people on the street here and go, do you know Gabriel Glacis or do you know who Russell Peters is?

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, another guy.

[Adam Carolla]

And you go, okay, Gabriel Glacier, Russell Peters. I don't know those names. You know, Adam Carolla. Yeah, I've heard of that douchebag. But Gabriel Glacis will. He's gonna sell out the fucking Gibson Amphitheater, and so would Russell Peters.

[John Leguizamo]

Well, you're right. I mean. I mean, there's, like, two ways to look at it. I know what you're talking about. Like, you know, why do some guys play these mega venues and, like, they, you know, make all this coin when you're stuck in, like, the. In the B room. But I never look at it that way. It's like, I'd rather play a whatchamacallit, a bus station, if everybody in there got my humor instead of me fighting uphill through all these people who are like, I kind of know the dude. I saw him on this or whatever. But they don't get the humor and they don't like it. And it becomes this like horrible experience, right. Where like, you know, you're doing jokes you don't want to do and they're kind of like getting it. But not really. Really. I mean, it's like when you talk about great comics, like, Doug Stanhope is the one guy who I always say is my favorite comic, because he is. He doesn't play clubs, he doesn't play theaters. He plays bars to his crowd. And that could be 80 people, 300 people, 20 people, two hobos fighting for a sandwich. He'll do it because they're his fans. And that's the way it should be. Because now there's just so much out there on the net, so much Internet comedy, so much. Much like people are auto tuning their own comedy. I mean, the fact that people are even coming out of their house to do something is amazing. So I don't take it for granted, but I'd rather it be my crowd, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

Want to play like a big theater. And you should, because let's face it, you know, you're, you know, you're a celebrity and you're also a funny dude. So. But it might take a couple of tours through and I'm sure you've been told that, well, if you come back next time, it's going to be a lot better. They always say that. The magical next time. Yeah, but for some of these guys, like, you know, not to bring up the Departed, but like Geraldo and Mitch Hedberg, who are amazing comics who I kind of came up with, they were at that level where they were just about to go to, like, national known, touring, headliner, theater level. And unfortunately, you know, the drugs got in the way. Whatever fate, whatever it is. But still in my mind, they're right up there with some of the best.

[Adam Carolla]

So it is is, and it comes down. And I want to talk about Geraldo and Mitch Hedberg. Who. I knew those guys, right? Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

You must have met them, like many a time over the years.

[Adam Carolla]

I met him a few times. I was really just a fan. I really thought they were great, stand up. Especially Mitch. I always loved his act, but. So I'd like to talk to you about those guys, though. The bottom line, and I dig what you're saying, like, the clubs are cool and it's nice, it's interesting, intimate. It feels old school, feels right. The problem is you're doing seven shows between Thursday and Sunday.

[John Leguizamo]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And the seven shows at, you know, 80, 90 minutes a pop or however much time if you don't have an opener, whatever it is, that's, that's, you know, good, good 10, 10 hours plus. Are you standing on stage over the week, weekend and you think, well I could do one show in a whatever and make the same money or I could do seven now I understand, you know, three or four shows over that weekend. Somewhere around the sixth or seventh show are you thinking let's just get the fuck through with this or what are you thinking at that point?

[John Leguizamo]

Well, that's a, that's a really good question because like I used to do the Tuesday through Sunday thing. Now I do like the Friday or the Thursday through Sunday. But I like doing comedy. Like I don't like any of the other aspect of it to promoting it, the flying to do it. But once I'm on stage, I like it and I like it pretty much when it goes bad, I like it. When it goes good. I don't like it as much because I like, you know, my self hatred doesn't work as well when it's going that great. But right. I like doing stand up and I got really no life. I mean you're a dude with a family and you got a million other projects. I could see why one show would be cool. And you're not alone. Most comics were like, you know, I can do two shows in a weekend and make what I would make in a whole month doing clubs and like do.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[John Leguizamo]

But I still think that like people sitting in an audience in a big theater don't get the real experience of the comic belittling their shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

Boils it down.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to.

[John Leguizamo]

Nice shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going to take a break in a second. I want to ask Dave about Mitch and Greg.

[John Leguizamo]

We lost a lot of great comics.

[Adam Carolla]

And I feel like I didn't know those guys very well. Like I said, I was just more kind of a fan of their stuff. They both done my various shows at various times, but I would just dig their stand up and dig their roasting and all that kind of stuff. But I'd like to hear from your standpoint if someone sort of came up with these guys, what happened, what went wrong, how it could be avoided and many other. Just some anecdotes about coming up with those guys. Evoice is a virtual phone number that answers and routes calls your home, office and or cell phone. Never miss a call. That's right. Maintain a professional image. Let's say you're small time, you want to look big Time. Evoice is the way to go. Voicemail transcribed into easy to read emails and text messages. That's the best part. It's a radically better phone number. You click on the [e-mail] and you get it for six months free. That's confidence, by the way. That means either they're very confident or they have super low self esteem and just don't care about their business. And I think it's the fact that they're confident. Six months from go to AdamCarolla.com or go to eVoice.com Adam for a six month free trial. Evoice, a radically better phone number. Quick break. Back with Dave Attell. Next. Hi, I'm Larry Miller. But in a way, aren't we all?

[Giovanni]

And this week on this Week with.

[Adam Carolla]

Larry Miller, we talk about absinthe, the return of the five factor, chapter eight, and how not to throw up behind a car. Car Only on Ace Broadcasting.

[Giovanni]

And remember, you can download it for free on itunes.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll see you here.

[Giovanni]

It's time for the voicemail of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Day, brought to you by Evoice, a.

[Giovanni]

Radically better phone number.

[John Leguizamo]

From Rochester, Minnesota. Two things.

[Giovanni]

One, I'm one of those omelette chefs. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna try to put a tip.

[John Leguizamo]

Jar out the next time. Two, Ah, I forgot what it was.

[Giovanni]

It's too early in the morning.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, show rocks.

[John Leguizamo]

Bye.

[Giovanni]

Leave us a message at 888-634-1744 and click the banner on AdamCarolla.com or go to Evoys.com Adam for a free six month trial.

[Adam Carolla]

So, all right, we're back. Back with the Davitel and the show. And my episode's Gonna air the 17th, November 17th.

[John Leguizamo]

Adam and Georgina Spelvin, the ultimate godmother of porn who was in one of the greatest movies ever made, the devil.

[Adam Carolla]

In Mysterious Jones and Dave once again can be found October 20th through the 23rd, Washington D.C. improv and November 4th through the 6th at the Irvine Improv. Dave's OldPorn.com is where you go and Showtime.com is where you go to. To find out all about. You can Twitter Dave at Attell. That's a T T no. Huh?

[John Leguizamo]

No. Do it at. At old Porn Porn. Because Twitter doesn't do porn. So it's got to be the zero is a no. The O is a zero.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[John Leguizamo]

I'm an old man.

[Adam Carolla]

It makes perfect sense.

[John Leguizamo]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

So we're talking about Greg and Mitch when we, when we Left off. And again, like I said, I wouldn't call those guys friends. I was just fans. Like, I always dug Mitch's stand up a lot. I just love, love those jokes.

[John Leguizamo]

Mitch Hedberg, if you are, like, into comedy, you could see, like, a lot of these younger comics have the same cadence and thought process as him, but they don't have the same inner, like, magical, weird, crazy genius thinking of him. They'll have jokes that kind of sound like him, but they're not. It's not a Hedberg deal because he was really that good. Not only was he a comic, but he also was like an actor. He made a movie called Los Enchiladas where a lot of comics were in it. Like me, Todd Barry, Louis ck, Mark Marin, all these different guys. We, you know, got to play little parts in his movie. And this was before everybody was making movies. Okay. So he just wanted to make it. He was a musician, and of course, he was a great comic who just went out there and just did his things, you know, like, people would always go, he's got his eyes closed. Is that like some kind of technique? No, it's like he was like, in his own world when he would do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

But there's the other side of it, too. He partied, we partied. He took it to the next level. It got really bad. And unfortunately, when you're on the road and you're still selling out shows, it's really hard for people to go, hey, man, you really should get off the road and go to rehab. Cause we all said it to these dudes, and they're like, but look, man, the fans are here, so.

[Adam Carolla]

So, right.

[John Leguizamo]

It's kind of like a very small, you know, like, rock starry kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Would he? Would he? And heroin was heroin of drug of choice. And I don't know technically how he died. It was like a blood clot or something in his leg or something. Or there's some.

[John Leguizamo]

I can't really tell you how he. He died in a hotel room of. He had heart failure. He had a bad heart, and he did a lot of different drugs. So I'm sure that contributed to it. But yes, it was drug related.

[Adam Carolla]

Would he perform high towards the end?

[John Leguizamo]

I think he was doing that. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it seems like an impossible task.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah. But when you're on the road for a really long time and your crowd is, like, into you being kind of this, like, rock and roll kind of, you know, drug guy, right. It seems really right. You know, when they're throwing joints up at you and that kind of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[John Leguizamo]

We love that aspect too. I mean, like, he was like, he was a star, you know. And Geraldo also, like, just an amazing guy. Harvard Law School graduate, gave all that up, had a family, got, you know, like, you know what? I'm going on the road. I'm becoming a comic. So he went from being a guy who was making a ton of cash to a guy making no cash, works his way up the comedy system, becomes a great comic. I don't know if you've seen any of his specials, but you know him, right? And you know, we all like to drink, we all like to do a couple of bumps right back in the whenever days. Sure, he took it to the next level. Level. So. But this guy, everybody's like, why didn't he go to rehab? He did. He went to rehab over and over and over again and unfortunately it didn't take. But he tried so well.

[Adam Carolla]

And the, the, the standup schedule is not conducive to sobriety now.

[John Leguizamo]

It is though, Adam, now because you got to do radio, you're like a farmer. You're up with the sun, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

True, true.

[John Leguizamo]

At the end of the day, you're like, woo.

[Adam Carolla]

I do think some of the guys just would, would have just stayed up all the way through the, through the night.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But, yeah, you got to go on ass crack and back Zach in the morning and you got to be there. And this guys are just. Because it's funny, because I'm sure you've had this conversation many times with these guys where you're going to fly in, you're going to do a show in Atlanta, right. And the guys you're talking to, a couple of guys you call in a couple weeks in advance and you're talking up the show. And then at a certain point the guy says, hey, when you're in town, come by the studio and see us. And I always laugh about it, but it's kind of true. I go, I hope that doesn't happen. Because if that happens, that means there's a lot of tickets that are still for sale. Yeah, I would like to get off the plane and know that the tickets are sold. But if I see you Friday morning about 5:45, that'll mean there's a shitload of tickets still left to be sold. So.

[John Leguizamo]

Absolutely. Now you gave away the whole inner world of papering the crowd, but these guys were at the top of their game. Unfortunately, the drugs got in the way of it. There's other guys I can mention from Jerry Red Wilson, who's a real old school guy who died way, way too young. Just so sad. Not drug related, died of meningitis. And Robert Schimmel, another guy who be cancer. He was doing this, whatever. Just the highs and lows, the drama of his life, and then to die the way he did. Very, very sad. But he left behind some of the greatest, dirtiest, filthiest comic ever. Robert Schimmel. Check it out. Our most recent guy, Mike Destefano, great guy. Recently had a heart attack two weeks after he quit smoking. Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. There you go, huh? Never quit.

[John Leguizamo]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

The point. The point is Schimmel. People didn't realize, like, what a mensch Schimmel was.

[John Leguizamo]

He was great.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a real sort of. He'd come in every. Whenever he did my morning show. He's the only guy who brought, like, a fruit platter with him. Like, you know, I show up at other people's morning show and like, where's the fucking coffee? He shows up with the full on. Went by Whole Foods, Bought, bought the. Bought, like the fresh pressed juices and the carrots and the whole thing. Like, just a. Just a mensch of a guy who had a crazy life.

[John Leguizamo]

Absolutely. Somebody's got to do a movie about this guy because he is the son of Holocaust survivors. You know, in the 60s, he was in the Air Force and whatever, was a social worker. And then he did comedy in, like, the high point of the 80s. And like, he was always like that guy who was like, just about to make it to the next level. Just about. We get a pilot, we get a writing job, you know, a movie part here. But he really was, like, a powerful act. And, like, I don't think he ever really got his due. And. And like, his last special where he talks about fighting cancer and beating it and dancing in the rain, a really great special. So as a comic, I enjoy watching it.

[Adam Carolla]

What? What? Let's talk about David Tell for a second.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, I want to do another special, too. Frightening. Do you call it frightening?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want to, like, you know, we talked about the low overhead of Dave Attell.

[John Leguizamo]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But financially and emotionally.

[John Leguizamo]

Not financially, though, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Not financially.

[John Leguizamo]

My mom had an accident. I'm. Oh, man. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[John Leguizamo]

She fractured her pelvis.

[Adam Carolla]

She had a heart attack when she saw your porn show on Showtime.

[John Leguizamo]

She fractured her pelvis and what she calls a fall.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

I think I have a new daddy somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

Anyway. Anyway, she. She did that, and now she needs her teeth done. And that's a lot of money. That's like five grand. And I'm like, how many teeth does she really need?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[John Leguizamo]

Just enough so that we don't look stupid at the Red Lobster when I take her. You know, the two bites and the one chewy. But yeah, no, I, I got bills, you know, I got mortgages. I got all that stuff. But yeah, I know, but I am low. I'm not a car guy. I know you're into cars.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You're not a bunch of cars, a bunch of kids and a, you know. No, it's not like you're an NBA baller, bought a bunch of houses, your baby's mamas.

[John Leguizamo]

And I don't have the self esteem for that because of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but so you, you've, you've intentionally kept your sort of overhead medium to low, right? Well, by, by celebrity standards, that's.

[John Leguizamo]

Well, I'm not a celebrity though. I think you're a celebrity. I'm like an, A comic. That's like the best compliment I can get. It's like, you're a good comic. That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe, but you're not.

[John Leguizamo]

Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, maybe it's maybe me because I've, I've, I've always known who you were. So, so you live in this weird world where it's like when you know a band's music and you think other people know that band's music but they haven't heard of that band, and you're like, are you serious? You haven't heard of them? So maybe that's what's going on with me. But I feel like certain comedians, a lot of comedians sort of have almost intentionally kept their nut smallish so that you don't have to worry about selling out the Mega Drive Dome. You can just play the clubs and you can do what you want to do and lead the life you want to lead without having to sort of whore yourself out, so to speak.

[John Leguizamo]

Well, I am a whore and a hack. And I'm a Dick and Midget Joe comic too, so. But the whole idea of like keeping a small nut is, is, is the right idea. But I will say this. I used to have a real job where every day I would get up and do something I didn't want to do. Every day I get up and I get to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it is a win. Whether I'm playing a club club, whether I get to do like cool radio show, whether I get to like, you know, just like, you know, work on this porn show. It's like I'm winning in my own way because I get to control my. My deal. And, like, you know, it is. You have a real job?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. I've had a thousand real jobs. Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

So it's like every day you get up and you're like, whoa, dude, I get to like, what? I can't believe it. This is great.

[Adam Carolla]

Now that's. That's my mantra. Because I do feel like complaining a lot. A lot when I'm in show business.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I realized, who else gets to do this? Everyone else has to go to a miserable job with an boss and a fat secretary, and they're out of the house all day, and they have, like, no flexibility. And there's, you know, if they're, you know, I used to eat off a lunch truck and then sit. By the way, before, it was cool.

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah. Now.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you guys are all getting Korean barbecue and you're all up in your head about. About it. But back in the day, the lunch truck meant something. It's kind of sucks because it's one of those stories I would tell. I was planning on telling my kids, you know, sort of the version of I walked 20 miles in the snow, you know, going, I'd eat off a lunch truck. Oh, that's cool. What was the theme now? The theme was Mexican and poor. There was no theme.

[John Leguizamo]

The theme was no health insurance.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

I might get jacked on the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Back in and sit on a pile of drywall. And if you're thirsty, you could drink from the hose bib. You know, that was outside the job site. Like, that's. That's where I come from.

[John Leguizamo]

You're like a rarity in the way that, like, you can watch all these shows, like, you know, dirty Jobs and whatever, and, like, you've actually done these jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, It's.

[John Leguizamo]

It's like, rare that, like, someone is like, you're doing it wrong because nobody knows how to, like, catch an alligator or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by the way, is there a.

[John Leguizamo]

Right or wrong way to do it?

[Adam Carolla]

Mike Rowe would look at half the shit I did and go, fuck that. Get my agent on the phone. I'm not doing that bullshit. I would crawl around under. Underneath apartment buildings in East LA that were condemned for earthquake rehab work. And I'd just be underneath them, just crawling around with the dead cats and the syringes and shit, digging. And he'd have to dig footings under there, Right. And it was just. And you'd get underneath. These places would be from the 30s, and you'd get under these plumbing walls where the traps came down for the sewers and all that kind of stuff. You just imagine what would be dropped ripping off of that while you're under there digging with a coffee can because there wasn't enough room to get a shovel in there. You only had, like, 30 inches of crawl space.

[John Leguizamo]

You know, that was like 20 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. No, 20.

[John Leguizamo]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Right in there.

[John Leguizamo]

Like, here's the porn question back at you. If you knew that one day that would be television, that, like, seeing a guy crawling under, finding, you know, it's the dead cat hunter.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[John Leguizamo]

Then you would be like, whoa, I'm way ahead of myself. Yeah, this is great. So, yeah, it's just amazing what people, you know, finally get to do here. But, yeah, anytime I get to, like, do a club the way I want to do it, nobody's like, you know, hey, you know, there's language restrictions or, like, you shouldn't say that because it's inappropriate. I feel like it's great. I can't ask for any more than that. And people came out to see me to do it. That's really cool.

[Adam Carolla]

So the other comedian that passed away that I've been brought up in a long time is. Remember Dennis Wolf's Wolfberg? Wolfberg, yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

He was before. Way before me. That would be like the Seinfeld generation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Funny, funny dude who just died. I don't know. Weird, mysterious night cancer. Yeah, but it was a strange. Yeah, what was that called again? Right. Clown.

[John Leguizamo]

Cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

It's only weird skin something. Is cancer something. Ah, I'll look it up. But he had a. It was a weird. Oh, maybe it wasn't a weird. Maybe I just thought it was weird.

[John Leguizamo]

He just had like a. And George Miller. I mean, a lot of these guys, you know, were way before my time, but, like, I do appreciate what they do. But for today's generation, you know, there's such like, clean living, like, you know, hey, we're hitting the gym and we're going to the mall. And you're like, what?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, yeah, your comics.

[John Leguizamo]

I mean, come on. I can't believe you're up.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[John Leguizamo]

Up to be. But, yeah, it's a different generation. And they're all like, you know, I got to work on my site.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're working. Yeah, they're all fucking. They're boring. They're all, suck it up, creatine with Dane Cook and then going on 10ks and shit like that. And it's like they're on their site, and you're supposed to Be whoring and up all night drunk.

[John Leguizamo]

Those days are over. It's over.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you see Artie Lang around, living in New York?

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah, I saw Artie at the Comedy Cellar doing some spots. And, you know, you're a comic now, right? He's been doing comedy forever. He is so funny. His stories are just so funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

And, like, he's a little, like, you know, he's just doing a little sets. He's not doing, like, mega torrent or anything, but he's so funny. And, like, when I toured with Norton and Bill Burr and Jim Brewer, I'm like, if Artie wants to do it, we should get him on this tour, because he would. It would be just so much fun to have him, and hopefully we'll get to tour with him at some point. Like, some of us, whoever's not busy, because a lot of these guys have other stuff going on, but he's really funny.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll put a tour together another way.

[John Leguizamo]

I'd like to.

[Adam Carolla]

How does that work?

[John Leguizamo]

You look at your calendar and you go, man, am I broke? No, you look at your calendar. No, you. You. You go to the guys that you want to work with, and you go, hey, you want to, like, do, like, bigger venues since there's a bunch of us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Leguizamo]

And hopefully, you know, we can sell them out. And.

[Adam Carolla]

And so will everyone go up there and do 20 minutes?

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Instead of an hour and a half. And then we argue over who gets to be the headliner. Do you give a.

[John Leguizamo]

There's no, like, ego. I. The last tour, I closed, but that wasn't because, like, oh, I got to close. It was just because it worked out that way. Lineup wise. I'd rather get on earlier because that's the sweeter spot. But, like, I was fine with where I was. But when you get older in comedy, you get really, really humble. And, like, the whole idea of, like, I'm gonna blow your ass off, that's. It's, like, over. You don't do that. You know, it's like, I'm gonna hit him with, like, the stuff I want to hit him with and then, like, leave something for the next guy and just be a part of it. And that's fine with me. I don't know. I guess some guys always have that, like, you know, I am the baddest motherfucker who ever came. Came out doing, like, a half kind of urban guy, but also, like a.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's good. No, it worked. It worked.

[John Leguizamo]

A little something for everybody there.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to tell you. Who humbles me?

[John Leguizamo]

Yeah. Who do you like?

[Adam Carolla]

Go to my PC. They're one of our great sponsors. They got the app for the iPad. Unbelievable.

[John Leguizamo]

I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

You can be at wherever you are, any airport or outside of the airport, way down the road, smoking in a field somewhere and you can say, you know what? I want to get to my home computer. I want to get to my work computer. Well, Dave doesn't have a work computer. But most you. Most you lemmings do.

[John Leguizamo]

I have a box full of dreams.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You can't get to it through your iPad. You can use your iPad. You can get your work computer. Get your home computer. It is go to my PC for iPad, brought to you by Citrix. And again, access to whatever computer, whenever, wherever. You can work on any program. You can save, you can edit, you can send files. It's magic. It is more than magic. It's magic. Plus, that's all just plain magic. Sets up in minutes. Want to try it out for free? Go to my PC free. That's right. Try it free today for 45 days. A 45 day free trial. Go to my PC.com, click on the try it free button and use the promo code. Adam. Dave. That was just a little slice of warm apple. Apple pie.

[John Leguizamo]

This is the most relaxing podcast I've ever done in my life. It's like more therapy, like a. I.

[Adam Carolla]

Would like extend an invitation to you to come back anytime you like. David Tell again. Gonna be playing at Washington DC's improv and also the Irvine improv DC's 20th through the 23rd, October, November 4th through the 6th at Irvine and at Dave's oldporn.com look for my episode airing on the 17th of November, go to showtime.com you get all the information you want there. Dave, a treat as always. Oh, and quick, Amazon. We're back up with Amazon. It's game on with Amazon. So all that shit and all the rules they had and all this stuff with the legislation and Jerry Brown crown, it's all on hold now.

[John Leguizamo]

I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Back up Amazon. So if you're going to get your Halloween outfit and you're going to get it from Amazon, click to our website and help support the pirate ship. All right. It ain't cheap. I mean, Gary, you know, we had to fly him out here. He gets a per diem.

[John Leguizamo]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Leguizamo]

In New York though, like, you know, 100 bucks can't even get you down the street.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, per diem is one of those things where I asked, I Felt like an ass. You know, thing where you got to someone per diem. What does that mean? And they go, well, diem. Like carpe diem. Yeah, like day. Right? Because we all know per is per. It's per day.

[John Leguizamo]

Per day.

[Adam Carolla]

It's what you get.

[John Leguizamo]

We all know actors know their Greek.

[Adam Carolla]

Be good paid. Yeah, it goes back the kids on Glee, of course.

[John Leguizamo]

Greek Scholars. Thanks, dude, for having me. And of course, you're always so cool with all this stuff. And you. And you've got the fucking balls of steel to do this shit. And I owe you a reach around, if not a full on, like, facial blast, because. Let's talk porn. I mean, honestly, you. You helped me out and you were great on the show. Check it out. First show coming out this week. No. Excuse me. October 20th, 11:30. Showtime. There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right, so until next time, this is Adam Perolla for Dave Attel saying mahalo.

[John Leguizamo]

Out.

[Giovanni]

All right, this Adam Ko 681 David Tell 101 back in 2011. That does it for today's Coral Classics. Until tomorrow, Hollow and Get It On.

[John Leguizamo]

Cases to Crack from Criminal Minds Tracker and Matlock.

[Giovanni]

I'm a lawyer like the old TV.

[Adam Carolla]

Show and thrills are free with heart Pumping hits like the Walking Dead and Pulp Fiction.

[John Leguizamo]

Correctamundo.

[Adam Carolla]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream now pay never.