Dave Dameshek + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Adam Carolla Show – Episode Featuring Dave Dameshek, Alison Rosen, and Bryan Bishop (Carolla Classics)

Release Date: March 9, 2025

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1. Introduction to "Nightcrawler"

The episode kicks off with a discussion about the film Nightcrawler, directed by Dan Gilroy. Bryan Bishop shares his initial indecision about the movie's quality, stating, "I saw the trailer, and I was like, I could go either way. I'm not sure if it's going to be good or bad, but I think it's gonna be good" (01:07).

2. Mix-Up Between Michelle Monahan and Ruth Wilson

A humorous confusion arises when Bryan mistakes actress Ruth Wilson for Michelle Monahan due to their striking resemblance. Alison Rosen clarifies, "Ruth Wilson is on the right, Michelle's on the left. But they are. They look so identical" (02:53).

3. Character Analysis and Ethical Boundaries in "Nightcrawler"

The trio delves into the character of Lewis Bloom, portrayed by Jake Gyllenhaal. They discuss his intense focus and lack of social skills, with Bryan noting, "He could be up for a best actor Oscar, and it would be justified. He's great as Lewis Bloom" (36:43). The conversation highlights Lewis's ethical breaches as he manipulates situations to capture exclusive footage.

4. Business Ventures and Certifications for "Road Hard"

Bryan updates the group on the progress of their project, Road Hard, mentioning the production of official certificates as a collectible item. He humorously describes the flawed design: "It's got everyone's name on it. And it's really nice and really official now. 412 of them printed up" (12:53).

5. Frustration with Flavored Balsamic Vinegar

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Bryan's annoyance with the proliferation of unconventional balsamic vinegar flavors. He vents, "Why would you want balsamic that tastes like pomegranate? I don't know, because I'm down with the idea of craftsmanship, but you have to stop" (19:46). Alison and Giovanni join in, expressing their disdain for these infusions, emphasizing that balsamic vinegar should remain true to its traditional flavor.

6. Interactions with Armie Hammer and Networking Challenges

Bryan recounts an encounter with Armie Hammer backstage at Jimmy Kimmel’s show. He discusses the dilemma of approaching fellow celebrities, saying, "It's a weird thing when the person's in the dressing room next to yours. Do you go say hi?" (05:57). The conversation touches on the nuances of networking within the entertainment industry.

7. Adrian Peterson's Legal Troubles and Community Impact

The group reflects on Adrian Peterson's misdemeanor conviction for reckless assault. Bryan critically analyzes the broader implications, asserting, "Don’t get behind O.J. he’s not. He’s going to Bel Air, and you can’t afford that neighborhood, and he’s going off to hop on the Kardashians’ private jet" (50:46). They discuss the societal tendencies to idolize flawed figures and the importance of focusing on personal responsibilities.

8. Shaving Practices Without Shaving Cream

Alison Rosen introduces an article about shaving without traditional shaving cream, advocating for alternatives like mineral oil. Bryan shares his personal routine: "I'm making myself a salad last night... drowning it out with a little balsamic" (15:37), drawing a parallel to minimalistic approaches in personal grooming.

9. Dishwasher Debates and Kitchen Efficiency

The conversation shifts to household appliances, particularly dishwashers. Bryan expresses skepticism about their necessity for single individuals, stating, "People argue with me constantly, but I've never been sick in the last decade" (159:03). Allison and Giovanni discuss the practicality of hand-washing dishes versus using a dishwasher, highlighting personal preferences and lifestyle choices.

10. Critique of Children's TV Shows and Their Educational Value

Alison and Bryan debate the value of modern children's programming compared to classics like Sesame Street. Bryan criticizes shows like Caillou and Dora the Explorer, claiming they lack creativity and educational substance. He emphasizes the importance of quality content that engages and educates, saying, "I'd rather watch them fucking stare at a blank slate than watch Dora the Explorer or Caillou" (83:00).

11. Food Preferences: Sandwiches, Soups, and Tortillas

The hosts engage in a lively discussion about food preferences, particularly focusing on sandwiches and their components. Bryan defends traditional bratwurst, dismissing innovative but impractical variations like gummy bear bratwurst. They also debate the merits of corn versus flour tortillas, with Bryan advocating for the flavorful and resilient nature of corn tortillas over their flour counterparts.

12. Final Thoughts and Upcoming Events

As the episode wraps up, Bryan promotes upcoming live shows and events, thanking the listeners for their support. The group bids farewell with humorous sign-offs, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and candid conversation.

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Notable Quotes:

• "I have a problem that has been vexing us and me and you. It's going to be satisfying to you. Don't get your hopes up. But it's still going to be satisfying." – Bryan Bishop (00:56)

• "Why would you want balsamic that tastes like pomegranate? I don't know, because I'm down with the idea of craftsmanship, but you have to stop." – Bryan Bishop (19:46)

• "Let’s just drowned it out with a little balsamic." – Bryan Bishop (15:37)

• "I think there's something else that goes on on Sunday mornings all over this country. It's called cars and Coffee... that could be our Sunday church." – Bryan Bishop (25:55)

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of movie critique, personal anecdotes, and sharp social commentary, all delivered with the show's trademark humor and candidness. From dissecting the intricacies of Nightcrawler to venting about flavored balsamic vinegar, the conversation provides insightful and entertaining content for listeners.

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Back to Top

Transcript

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the podcast we play the.

[Giovanni]

Best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel classics available through podcast one premium and Adam Carolla [e-mail] where you can find.

[Brian Bishop]

Ad free archives for this show, the.

[Giovanni]

The Adam Krolo show, the Adam and Drew show, as well as Adam's brand new podcast, Beat It Out. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamkorolla.com now on to the clips Coming up first, we have Adam Crolla show 1447 featuring Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. Just ace man, Allison Brian from 2014 classic gang ACS. Comfortable Old Shoe.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day, Allison Rose.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I have a problem that has been vexing us and me and you. It's going to be satisfying to you. Don't get your hopes up. But it's still gonna. It still will be satisfying.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, we'll see.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, in bald Brian, I had consensual sex with my father.

[Giovanni]

And anarchy wanted that with the hashtag top drop on Twitter. It's not the Nightcrawler, old man. It's just Nightcrawler.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, sorry.

[Giovanni]

Not the Seinfeld.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I think you get older. I don't know. To be forgiving, to me, I would say it's a stylized way of speaking. Like when some people spell shop with two P's and an E. Oh.

[Giovanni]

Or center.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Or theater.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Or who pronounce it? Theater. All right, so we will get. We'll get. We'll get to the. We'll get to a night. We'll get to Nightcrawler and we'll do that. That's one of those things where I saw the. I saw the commercial, I saw the trailer, and I was like, that. I could go either way. I'm not. No idea if it's going to be good or bad, but I think it's gonna be good.

[Giovanni]

Anyway, I'll tell you officially what happens.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Officially, I was. We got into Bridget Moynihan and then Michelle Moynihan and what's going on with their mouth. And who could figure this out? And then I realized the reason I was screwing up is because there's an actress named Ruth Wilson. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

From the Affair.

[Brian Bishop]

Who looks exactly like Michelle Moynihan.

[Giovanni]

Is it Monahan or Moynihan?

[Allison Rosen]

It's Monahan.

[Brian Bishop]

Monahan.

[Allison Rosen]

It's shocking.

[Brian Bishop]

Not Moynihan, it's the Nightcrawler.

[Giovanni]

Bridget Moynihan is Moynihan.

[Brian Bishop]

She's Moynihan. There's a Monahan, there's a Ruth Wilson, and I think Ruth is a few years younger. But I told Kaelyn to pull up a couple of pictures and I was.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, they're the same person.

[Brian Bishop]

They're the same person. And then they can even show you another picture. And you go to AdamCarolla.com if you want to look at the split where I was like, that's the who's who. That's my.

[Allison Rosen]

Ruth Wilson is on the right, Michelle's on the left. But they are. They look so identical. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And then when I was watching Lone Ranger, I was like, something's up with Michelle Monahan's mouth. But I was talking about Ruth Wilson's mouth. So that's why I couldn't figure out what was going on with her upper lip.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it Ruth Wilson in Lone Ranger?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Yes. And that's where all the confusion was pouring in for me.

[Allison Rosen]

So Daniel and I are watching the Affair, which is very good, I think.

[Giovanni]

I'm sure he is. So watching it happen from his eyes.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, there was a profile shot of Ruth Wilson and not thinking about the conversation we'd had here and not being sure if that's what you meant, but at the time, sort of wondering, possibly. But I said, okay, what is going on with her upper lip? Why does it jut out so much further than her mouth? And then he said, she has an overbite. And then we looked closer and he said, no, she doesn't. Her lip just sticks out.

[Giovanni]

She has Martha Plimpton mouth.

[Allison Rosen]

She has. She looks like a Simpsons character.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. That you want to fuck. But yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Mari Simpson character esque. And then the problem. Now, I was. Let's see, who was I insulting when I was saying they look like they've had work done, but they haven't.

[Allison Rosen]

But they have Whitney Cummings.

[Brian Bishop]

Whitney Cummings, Yes. That's how it's done. Now, this is what I'm talking about. I don't think she's had her lip done, but she looks like she's had her lip done, which is good. Like, I wish I looked like I had pec implants when I didn't.

[Giovanni]

Yep. Or you want to have everyone accuse you.

[Brian Bishop]

It'd be nice.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I started wondering, is there extra padding under her lip and that's what's pushing it up and out. But I don't Think so.

[Brian Bishop]

Figure it out. Maybe she's going. Maybe she's going. Brando in Godfather.

[Giovanni]

Cotton.

[Brian Bishop]

Shelled a bunch of cotton under there. Either way.

[Allison Rosen]

Now I may rest, but have you seen the show? Because I think she's kind of on the line of hot. Not hot. Definitely more hot than not hot. But there's something.

[Brian Bishop]

What show now are we on?

[Allison Rosen]

The Affair. Oh, something very unusual.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought that was a movie.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's a series.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it's good.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like one of my favorite devices is the he said, she said thing utilized in He Said, she said with Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth Perkins, where first you see it from his point of view and then you see it from hers. In the Affair, each episode, the first half is his retelling of what happened and the second half is hers. And you see the way they don't quite line up, but certain events do.

[Giovanni]

Certain tent poles of the story too.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you basically see the same event. Right. But like in just even little subtle things. Like in his version, the wallpaper is different than hers. They don't point it out, it's just in the background.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, either way, I now can rest.

[Giovanni]

Back up a second. You're watching the Lone Ranger?

[Brian Bishop]

No. Oh, I. It's one of those movies. I love a western. I love Johnny Depp. And I found Armie Hammer to be a very friendly guy, I think.

[Giovanni]

Friendly looking?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Easy on the eyes. But somewhere around, I don't know. When I did Kimmel's for the 31st time when I did his show, Armie Hammer was in the dressing room. It's always a thing when the person's in the dressing room next to your dressing room. What the. Do you go say hi to that person?

[Giovanni]

Like you and Chris Tucker?

[Brian Bishop]

Like me and Tucker. Yeah. I learned my lesson. No, do you. Like, it's weird. Like a part of you is like, well, you should go tap on the door and just say hi.

[Allison Rosen]

But on the other half of you, hello, fellow celebrity.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like, hello, person who's doing the show tonight with me. But now are you weird if you don't go over and say hi? Like, is it being a little antisocial? Like, well, you're both book tonight. You're friends with Jimmy. I'm kind of friends with Jimmy. I guess maybe I'm a little bit of the ambassador. When I go say hi, I feel like you should. I should.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And I have like, you know, you do Leno, you just go. You literally walk eight feet down the hall and tap on the door. But then the problem sometimes is the publicist answers the door. The person sitting in the chair with their own hair and makeup person going at them. And now you're in this weird. Oh, oh, just tell them. You know, like every once in a while you walk in and everyone's there, but they're in the bathroom. And then they're like, they're in the bathroom. And then you're like, this makes me.

[Allison Rosen]

Uncomfortable just hearing about it. Walking into someone's entourage.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you don't want to wait? Oh, should we wait? I don't want to wait. I'm not going to stand here until they're out of the bathroom. But just I said hi. Tell them I said hi.

[Allison Rosen]

Is there another opportunity to say hi to them that doesn't involve having to go into their closed dressing room?

[Brian Bishop]

No. And come to think of it, no one ever says hi to me. So maybe it isn't protocol.

[Giovanni]

It's a one way high street.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it is a one way high street. But I was talking to Armie Hammer and he's a super friendly dude. And why wouldn't you be if you were super tall, super good looking, super rich. And I just had a nice conversation with him. And then I think, I can't remember, but I think I was talking to Jimmy and I said, I think part of my shtick was a super confusing joke where I was going off of the Armie Hammer played the twins, Winklevoss twins. And I was like, why did you get the less interesting twin booked on your show? Why didn't you get the cool one instead you got the boring one. Why didn't you get the other guy? Or I said the guy who played your brother was awesome or something. Some sort of stupid joke like that.

[Giovanni]

What else you got?

[Brian Bishop]

He was really cool. So every time I come across, is.

[Allison Rosen]

He as attractive in person?

[Giovanni]

More.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And he's a guy like, you know what we run. I think we roll a little bit differently, men and women. Okay, so here we go. You guys have the women you'll sign off on as being attractive that half the time we're not that into.

[Allison Rosen]

Correct.

[Brian Bishop]

We've discussed this a lot.

[Giovanni]

Aniston syndrome.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, the aniston. Right. You guys have decided we should be attracted to her. Many guys like her, find her cute and blah, blah, blah. But we want va va voom. And that's not va va voom. But that's for you. Now, we're quite the opposite. We don't have a cute version. We don't like the fact that you Guys are into Johnny Depp. He's too short. He's too spindly. He's got too many scarves.

[Giovanni]

We want better for you.

[Brian Bishop]

We want you to be into Dolph Lundgren. You want it to make sense to be into Army Hammer. We want you to be into Howie Long. We literally. You would. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, I lose respect for you if you're into Pam Anderson. Like, come on.

[Brian Bishop]

Come on.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the only acceptable.

[Brian Bishop]

We want you to masturbate the Jose Canseco circa 1989. Right. Done. No, no. Allison. What I'm. See, we're. We're insanely. This is really. All you need to know about men and women. We're just insanely pragmatic that way and insanely vis. That way. We look at our Arlee Ermey Hammer. We look at Armie Hammer. Go ahead.

[Giovanni]

Oh, damn it. Go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. We look at him and go, he's six, five. He has a great fucking jawline and biceps. By all means, be attracted to him. What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? But I think when we see the guys that are under 5, 10 who do a lot of pouting and are what you call a little bit spindly, we get a little pissed off about that. About that guy pulling that kind of tail. Yes. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

So insulting. Everything we were raised to believe.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right. Because we were raised looking at action figures and figurines and superheroes and stuff like that and go, well, there's the guy. There's the guy gets all the wrestling. There's the guy who gets all the chicks.

[Giovanni]

Why are you not in a John Cena?

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Not the guy rolled, shoulders rolled, complaining, who's pouting? But either way, I watched that movie, and I usually watch four to seven minutes of that movie just hoping something is going to happen. And it.

[Giovanni]

Lone Ranger.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Lone Ranger. And it never happens.

[Giovanni]

Do you remember when I talked about at the time how bad it was, that I said how bad I said it was, but that it opened and closed with two amazing chase sequences? Like action. Like, there was a chase one on a train and another one on something else. It was both tremendous. Two hours of boring in between.

[Brian Bishop]

I land in the two hours of boring in between. All right, we'll have the movie review. We have your phone calls, we have the news. We have a bunch of stuff. So we have the certificate, and we're now fulfilling a lot of this crowdfunding stuff. And this is the fuck you Hollywood certificate. That was for Road Hard. So we're getting together all The Road Hard stuff, the movie screenings. We're getting the movie theaters. We're getting the certificates printed up. So we got the certificates printed up. I think we did about 340 or 50 of these things. And they have everyone's name on it. And it's really nice and really official now. 412. Okay. Kaylin, I feel like you've given me fucking 700 different numbers this afternoon. I have. Okay. All right. Fucking okay. Anyway, on the top, Adam Carolla show, C A, R, O, L L A At the bottom, spelled a little bit differently. I mean, to be fair, it's six and a half inches away with the C. But it also has the Troll Hunter stamp in the middle of it. It's got a seal on it, too, which is not what this certificate is for. This is for Road Hard.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

So. But we've got 412 of them printed up.

[Giovanni]

Collector's item.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's like the reverse Jenny.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's kind of what I was saying.

[Allison Rosen]

412 of them.

[Brian Bishop]

Name misspelled and the stamp for the Troll Hunter on it. Maybe it's cooler than. I don't know. What would you guys think if you signed up for the official certificate? It's got your name on it.

[Giovanni]

If I was a fan of something to the degree that I am getting into it for the certificate, and I got, like, an error one, like a printed one that was incorrect, I would think it'd be a cool collectible.

[Allison Rosen]

Agree.

[Giovanni]

I'd want the right wine, but that'd be a cool collectible.

[Brian Bishop]

What if every single one of them was an error one still?

[Giovanni]

Okay, there's a finite number of them. Not everyone ever made From Here to Eternity.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But I'm with you. I don't want to print out a whole bunch of new ones either. But what I'm saying is this. Usually when it's a offensive album cover for a band or something, right, they then go on to print 200 million of a different type, the corrective one. So now you got this one.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. That's what makes it. That's exactly what I just said. It makes it collectible.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, except we're not. What I'm saying to you is. This is it.

[Allison Rosen]

There's something funny and ironic about this. Representing everything you hate and it coming from you.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that's coming out.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's okay.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Giovanni]

It's on message. It's on brand.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of everything I hate. Oh, dear Lord, I.

[Giovanni]

Wait, where'd those come from?

[Brian Bishop]

What company?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, his fault. Is this.

[Giovanni]

Yes. Who?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they're friends of the show and they're fans of the show.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe they were doing it on purpose to be funny.

[Brian Bishop]

I would like to think so.

[Giovanni]

Like when you misspelled Harry Caravello's name on the poster for Windy City Heat. It's an ultimate end joke.

[Brian Bishop]

And so now, Kaylin, are they printing up more? Did they do it already? Because maybe they shouldn't. No, I just asked them today to.

[Dave Damaschek]

Start putting up more and gave them a new stamp for the road.

[Giovanni]

Hard ones rather than the legal defense ones.

[Brian Bishop]

Why don't we tell them just to print up like 50? And now we will create that market even though there'll be more of the odd ones than the other. We can say this is the alternative.

[Allison Rosen]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Don't get. Don't do 400 and something more. Okay. These guys are friends. They're good. They're good guys. They're probably a little bit stoned. Either way, they're fans and they're trying to do us a solid.

[Giovanni]

Thanks, guys.

[Brian Bishop]

So now things that drive me insane. So I'm making myself a salad last night, and I'm getting ready to eat my salad, and I'm at the point with salad dressing where I do a little salt, I do a little pepper, and then I just drizzle on a little balsamic, and I'm good.

[Giovanni]

No oil, just the balsamic.

[Brian Bishop]

The oil is nice. I can do the oil. I enjoy the oil, but I just drizzle on a little balsamic, gives a little pop, and I'm good. And by the way, I'm eating a salad. I'm not here to have a fucking good time. Why dress up this salad? You know? It's a fucking salad. I'm miserable already. So let's just. Let's see if I can just drown it out with a little balsamic. So I go in the cupboard, and the cupboard has a bunch of exotic olive oils, but no balsamic. Now, the last balsamic discussion I got into was the blood orange flavored balsamic that Lynette prefers and also the weird syrupy style that Lynette prefers.

[Allison Rosen]

It's really like Trader Joe's.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. I don't like the gooey, sappy version of it.

[Giovanni]

Let me tell you this. That is wonderful. Except on salad. Salad's not good, but it's good. Like Rizzol on cheese or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, I'm completely with you on that. No good with the salad, but of course, I live with Someone who wants candy cane flavored shit in their coffee and weird syrupy shit that tastes like oranges instead of balsamic flavor. So I reach around in the cupboard, I find a balsamic. I find my balsamic. It's a small. It's a small, you know, size of your wallet, but definitely enough to crank out five or six salads worth of balsamic.

[Giovanni]

It's the size of an airline liquor bottle.

[Dave Damaschek]

Maybe a little bigger.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe a little bigger. Hey, buddy, want to go to the park? Go with Simparica Trio. It's triple protection made simple. Simparica Trio is the first monthly chewable that covers heartworm disease, ticks and fleas round and hookworms. This drug class has been associated with.

[Allison Rosen]

Neurologic adverse reactions, including seizures. Use with caution in dogs with a history of these disorders. Be sure to tap to read the full prescribing information.

[Brian Bishop]

Protect him with all your heart. Ask your veterinarian about Simparicatrio Tap or visit simparicatrio.com to learn more. The first I grab is wild blueberry.

[Giovanni]

Balsamic, not domesticated blueberries.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Called blueberry balsamic. And as I say, balsamic is a flavor. It's a flavor, is it not? When did it. Why? Who wants balsamic? And goes, good, I have something that tastes like blueberry instead. Who says that? Is anyone? And then I go, oh, fucking God damn it. So there's no balsamic except for there's a bunch of olive oil, but there is balsamic, but it tastes like blueberry. And then I reach for the other one and I go, oh, you can see that super dark umber, that burnt umber hue on there and the glass clear bottle. Okay, now turn the fucking thing around. Pomegranate balsamic vinegar.

[Allison Rosen]

And are these for pancakes? Oh, I'm joking.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. But what, why? What are we out? What am I missing?

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like the tiny bottles are even an apology. We know you don't want much of this.

[Giovanni]

A little goes a long way.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Like, why would you want balsamic that tastes like pomegranate. Look, I like the taste of pomegranate and I like the taste of a Denver omelet and pussy. But it shouldn't be infused into the balsamic. Like it's not. Do you like? Yes, I like pizza, but I don't want pizza flavored balsamic. And first off, the reason I'm tired of this being an option is because everyone fucks up and Grabs it by mistake. That's why I don't even want it on the shelf. But the fact that balsamic is so uniquely its own and that when you want balsamiq, whether to dip a little hard cheese into or whether to sprinkle and drizzle on top of your salad or whatever it is, it's so specific. What is the instance when you want balsamic, but you want a strong blueberry aftertaste on that Italian hard cheese that you're about to eat?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. I don't know, because I'm down with the idea of craftsmanship and putting different flavors in things. But you're right. Balsamic vinegar is a flavor. And when you want balsamic vinegar, that's what you want.

[Allison Rosen]

Better by fruit.

[Brian Bishop]

What you need to do is make the best fucking balsamic vinegar you can. And then stop there. The cranberry and the fucking raspberry. And the blueberry.

[Giovanni]

Wild blueberry, dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Wild blueberry. And the pomegranate. God damn. So, by the way, now you have to picture me in my kitchen, and I'm rummaging through the cabinet, looking, holding all these bottles up to the light because the olive oil comes in the same place. We get the olive oil, we get the balsamic. So then I have to do the. Why do we have 28 olive oil bottles and no balsamic vinegar bottles? Well, it's because people like, olive oils.

[Allison Rosen]

Are also often infused with stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Okay, everybody, what are we doing? And who's tired of the cornucopia of offerings that life had from a culinary standpoint before we started making vodka that tasted like cotton candy?

[Giovanni]

So what happened to your salad?

[Brian Bishop]

I blew a snot rocket on it and stormed out. Then there's this one. Now you guys tell me where we're at with this. But it exacerbates things with me. So I do my little frustration dance in the kitchen. It's, oh, fuck. Where the fuck is. Why do we have nine olive oils and zero balsamic? And the one is fucking blueberry.

[Giovanni]

This is how mangrove blueberry. This is how mangria would work.

[Brian Bishop]

It's true.

[Giovanni]

But do we have some mangria coming? Vinegar coming.

[Brian Bishop]

Then at some point, Olga will chime in and go, would you like me to go to the store and get you some balsamic vinegar? And I'm like, yeah, I would. But no. Like, no, but first off, you're robbing me of my frustration, number one. Number two, you round trip. We're talking about 41 minutes here and the salad's just sitting here and I don't want to eat it anyway, but. And I totally appreciate where you're coming from, but there's no way I'm ever going to dispatch you to go get me some balsamic vinegar. But either way, the blow was nullified a little bit by Lynette explaining that the crappy balsamic infused flavored vinegar was a gift.

[Giovanni]

Well, that's nice.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, let's find out who so we know whose asshole to shove these things fucking up. I don't know. Again, it's one of the.

[Allison Rosen]

I think they came in a gift basket or something.

[Brian Bishop]

I would like to say this. I'm now becoming very suspicious that there's. That the lion's share of this shit that gets sold gets sold to people that are giving it to other people that would never fucking do it themselves but wouldn't want to be. Oh, here's a bottle of balsamic vinegar. Like, oh, thanks a lot. But here's my special novelty. Right?

[Giovanni]

That's interesting. Yeah, there's something that's very practical that everyone will use. No, no one can do that.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody buys that. It comes in a basket that's got a whole bunch of other shit you can't use in it. And. All right. Anyway, soon my trouble troubles melted away. By the way, when I went with my Beaufort and Scott gsm, I opened a bottle of this stuff. It's the Grenache, the Syrah and the mourvedre. Mourveu.

[Giovanni]

We should pronounce it mourvedre, but I think the snotty French pronounce it mouvre.

[Brian Bishop]

Veuvre all mixed together. Delectable. Delectable, dilectable. Unbelievable. Anyway, you can get it@both barrelswine.com and normally it's about 43 buc. We do it for like 29 bucks. A little under. They only did 220 cases, so that ain't a lot, my friend. So let's get to getting made from fantastic grapes, high altitude, great antioxidants. And this stuff is just. I don't know, I don't know how to explain it other than really, really good. I mean it just feels like so much actually kind of reminded me a little of the wine that Shatner. I did Shatner's brown bag wine show and it kind of reminded me of that wine, whichever that was, but it had that flavor to it. Anyway, both barrels wine.com promo code. Adam, get some really good stuff. All right, let's take a call and Then we'll do Baldiwood. Shall we do it? Okay, let's hop to line one. Josh. Ace, man. Get it on. What's going on? Not a whole lot. 27.

[Giovanni]

First one in my family to get a college degree.

[Brian Bishop]

I went and got the office job like everybody said I should and fucking hated it. One day I was listening to your show, heard your advice about riding the coattails of a successful business owner, and later that day got an offer to go back and manage the auto parts.

[Dave Damaschek]

Store I worked at in college, and.

[Brian Bishop]

This guy has five stores. And now I'm on pace to own my own business by age 32. This guy's treating me well, and it's working out great.

[Dave Damaschek]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, are you married? Are you getting married? I'm engaged right now. How much you know? I've had to correct myself, at least my thinking, because I've realized that there is a enticing, interesting, challenging part of business that is just the business of doing business, which I never really thought about, which they never tell you about. See, when you grow up, they go, well, do you want to be a schoolteacher? You want to be a fireman? You want to be a nurse? You want to be a doctor? You want to be an attorney? There's a interesting part about business that doesn't involve the product or the occupation that I never.

[Giovanni]

People skills.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

No, it's making that dollar.

[Brian Bishop]

No. I mean, yeah. No. To me, it's a sort of social experiment. It's like a psychological experiment. Like, you think to yourself, your first piece of thought is, what is it that I could conjure up, whether it be a widget or a service or a book.

[Giovanni]

Experience.

[Brian Bishop]

Experience. Whatever it is. Uber. Five years ago, what is it that I could think. Think of that other people would go, oh, that's a good idea. You know, like what? Or they would enjoy or, you know, they would use. They would take a taste of my shitty balsamic vinegar that tasted like fucking blueberry snot and go, oh, that's delightful. What is it that I could do? Like what? First off, yeah, a service like, oh, I'm tired of these shitty cabs, and these guys are ripping me off, and the thing smells and blah, blah, blah. Like, what? What is out there? What? So it's like a weird sort of challenge yourself. What can I invent? And again, I could write a book, but about what? What would speak to people? Then the next thing is, all right, I have this thing, and it's a cool thing, and it's a cool restaurant, or it's a cool food item. It's Mangria or it's a service or it's a book, or it's an app. Whatever. It's something. It's an app. Now, how do I get this to people? How do I get people to talk about this? You know, it was funny, Josh. You. You sadly reminded me of me. So now, hold on. I must talk about myself. But I was sitting around just talking to one of the producers of this Newman doc about half an hour, 45 minutes ago, and I said, you know, think about Kirk Cameron. He came out with a movie, you know, God. You know, God stares into five mirrors, you know? And the guy I was talking to was like, yeah, have you seen that movie? And I said, no, I haven't seen that movie. And he's like, well, it's a piece of shit. And I'm like, well, of course it's a piece of shit.

[Giovanni]

And you're like, well, you have to see God stares into four mirrors to.

[Brian Bishop]

Really understand what's going on. The God and The Furious Part 7. No, but I said, but Kirk Cameron made $50 million from that piece of shit movie. He did. So how did Kirk Cameron, you know, no good reviews, no billboards, no anything. What'd he do? Well, he went to the churches and he told all the churches, hey, here, send the flock, support this. You know, they're looking for these kinds of movies. Here they are. So I said, it's interesting. I said, you know, there's something else that goes on on Sunday mornings all over this country. It's called cars and Coffee. There's tons of guys show up in different places in Irvine and Thousand Oaks and all that kind of stuff. And all these car nuts all get together to talk shop, look at each other's cars, drink some coffee and go for a cruise. I said, that could be our Sunday church.

[Giovanni]

That could be your church, your gospel.

[Brian Bishop]

Taking all over the country times every fucking Sunday. I said, now, what if somebody went to the Irvine Cars and coffee with 200 car fanatics and went there at 6am and went to the fucking Krispy Kreme and infected all those people with the balsamic vinegar? You're with me, right? No, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. What if somebody took that? What if you went. What if you put a flyer on every one of those people's windshields? They go home and Netflix that shit that night. They're all into it. They're all starving for it. So it's like there's the movie part that's. That's interesting. That's artistic. That's a labor of love. But then there's the part where you go. There's a psychological part that really has nothing to do with. You can go, well, our movie's good and Kirk Cameron's movie sucked. Well, that's not the point. The point is how can you get $50 million without buying one fucking one cable spot? How did he do it? Well, he figured out human beings and it's easy to kind of write off stuff and go, yeah, of course he went to the church or whatever, but.

[Giovanni]

But dozens of movies would like to do what he did. Like, that's not just he went to the church. He went to the right people or figured out the right path or the right formula or whatever it is, and he got it done.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, God figured it out.

[Brian Bishop]

That's true.

[Giovanni]

Right? Yeah. Vis a vis God.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, so there's the part of business where it's the art part or the widget part or the invention part or the sort of part. We always talk about the cool part down in the lab making the whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

The more like pure inspiration part.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But then there's a whole deeper psychological part, which in a weird way is a little more Rubber meets the road, which is anybody can crap out a fairly bad million dollar movie. Not everyone can get a $50 million return on their fairly bad million dollar movie. That's the interesting part. Or it's a whole separate part, but it's the part that they never talk about in school. It's always like, what do you want to do? But not how do you execute what you want to do once you're doing it? And I was thinking about that because Josh over here is doing wedge auto parts. Yeah, right. Which doesn't sound. Which doesn't sound glamorous, but when you focus on the. How do you get from 3 chains to 300 chains? Then it becomes an interesting mind exercise. Absolutely. All right, Josh. As Kirk Cameron would say, God bless you. Thanks for the advice, Ace man. Thanks, and I'm proud. 27, man. Look at that, on the move. All right, shall we do a little Baldiwood?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of.

[Dave Damaschek]

Shit Transformers to Hooray for Baldy War.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I'm wearing my expensive watch.

[Allison Rosen]

I was told to bring in distracted by $6,500. Waving around on your arm, elephant in the room.

[Brian Bishop]

Watch. Yeah, so we'll take a decent picture of it before.

[Giovanni]

Take it with the balsamic. Yeah, There you go.

[Brian Bishop]

For the love of Christ.

[Giovanni]

The Nightcrawler, AKA Nightcrawler, is in theaters now. Is written and directed by Dan Gilroy. This is his debut directing film. He's a writer for many years over. Yeah, well, over two decades. He started out writing Free Jack. I never saw Free Jack with Estevez and Mick Jagger.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Estevez was like an F1 Formula 1 race car driver who got catapulted into the future when he got in a horrific car accident. I mean, it was. It was Estebus. Oh, no.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

He also wrote Two for the Money. I don't know if you saw that. It was a gambling movie with McConaughey.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Not a good film. Real Steel, which actually, I kind of like the robots you find very lightweight but fun. Anyway. And he also wrote the Bourne Legacy, which I did not see. So at best, a mixed history of writing. So I didn't have a lot of.

[Brian Bishop]

Which was the Bourne Legacy, the third.

[Giovanni]

One, the one with Jeremy Renner.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

So, again, I didn't have a lot of expectations going into this. He wrote and directed this movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Renee Russo, Bill Paxton, and a guy named Rex Ahmed, who's a British actor who's very, very, very good in this. I liked him a lot. 93% are rotten tomatoes right now. So this is getting universal acclaim. It's about an unemployed misfit, Jake Gyllenhaal. He stumbles across a small film crew on the highway by a traffic accident. There's a car on fire and there's cops, and there's just a couple guys with cameras, Bill Paxton being one of them. And he's like. He basically learns that you can sell this footage to news agencies, to news stations, and they'll pay you for it, and it's a gig. And this is. So he starts. He gets a camera. Gets a cheap old camera and starts shooting accidents and crazy news footage and shootings and stuff. And he's not very good at it at first. And this is him. We have a clip here of him actually meeting Renee Russo for the first time and sort of learning how the whole process works. She's the news director at kwla.

[Brian Bishop]

Find our viewers are more interested in urban crime creeping into the suburbs. What that means is a victim, or victims, preferably well off and white injured at the hands of the poor. Or a minority.

[Giovanni]

Just crime.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Accidents. Play. Cars, buses, trains, planes, fires.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, graphic. The best and clearest way that I.

[Brian Bishop]

Can phrase it to you, Lou, to capture the spirit of what we air.

[Allison Rosen]

Is think of our newscast as a.

[Brian Bishop]

Screaming woman running down the street with her throat cut.

[Giovanni]

I understand. So that's the moment where the first act ends and he sort of dives into this world like, this is my. This is gonna be my.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, what's music to dogs ears? Delivery, Playtime and Simperica Trio. Simparica Trio means getting outside and having.

[Dave Damaschek]

Fun, knowing your dog is protected.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the first monthly chewable that protects dogs from heartworm disease, ticks and fleas, round and hookworms. This drug class has been associated with neurologic adverse reactions, including seizures. Use with caution in dogs with a history of these disorders. Be sure to tap to read the full prescribing information. Ask your veterinarian about Simparica Trio.

[Giovanni]

Tap.

[Brian Bishop]

Or visit simparicatrio.com to learn more.

[Dave Damaschek]

Work management platforms.

[Brian Bishop]

Ugh.

[Dave Damaschek]

Endless onboarding. It bottlenecks, admin requests.

[Brian Bishop]

But what if things were different?

[Dave Damaschek]

Monday.com is different. No lengthy onboarding. Beautiful reports in minutes. Custom workflows you can build on your own. Easy to use prompt, free AI. Turns out you can love a work management platform. Monday.com, the first work platform you'll love to use.

[Giovanni]

Career. I'm gonna do this. And he descends or ascends one way or the other to look at it, into this world of night crawling. He shoots horrific accidents and videos. And he sort of crosses the line ethically, journalistically, legally, about what he sort of is manipulating. Not supposed to touch anything, but he's, you know, he gets involved and. And he plays Lewis Bloom. I will never forget Lewis Bloom. It's a great character. It's an anti hero. Creepy. Possibly Asperger's.

[Brian Bishop]

Ey.

[Giovanni]

He sort of just is very intense, very focused on certain things, but has no social skills. Definitely a sociopath. He could be up for a best actor Oscar and it would be justified. He's great as Lewis Bloom, the lead actor, the lead character in this movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And the movie itself.

[Giovanni]

Movie itself is really good. I was so surprised looking back at this director's history or before he was a director or writer. Just kind of hit and miss. Really well written. Every character in this movie is so well written. The three dimensional. Everyone you feel like has a backstory. They all have a history. They all do things that make sense. No one does ridiculous things that are just there to Serve the plot.

[Allison Rosen]

Even though they had that conversation while.

[Giovanni]

Walking, which I hate, you have to kind of. You're meeting her for the first time, so you have to see she's busy. She's a career woman.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. I'm just saying. Come on.

[Giovanni]

I know there's a few tropes in the movie, but nothing feels cliched.

[Brian Bishop]

And so I was only kind of half tuned in. Are you saying Kirk Cameron could be awarded some balsamic vinegar?

[Giovanni]

Exactly. But I'm glad you were listening.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I was half listening.

[Giovanni]

No, you nailed it.

[Brian Bishop]

They never talk about the positive half of listening. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Right. You could be 100% tuned out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm half listening. What about that?

[Giovanni]

So I don't know what you guys take is on Jake Gyllenhaal. I think he's a really underrated actor.

[Allison Rosen]

I like him.

[Giovanni]

Maybe gets not enough due for being fairly solid.

[Brian Bishop]

I think probably the best thing you can say about an actor is how much they can convey without speaking. Because when Mamet writes a bunch of whole bunch of really good words and puts it in someone's mouth and they come across really, really well, he conveys a lot without really saying a lot. And that's probably pretty important.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. His last few movies, he did Source Code, which I thought was really underrated. I liked it a lot. Watch. And Prisoners. All really good movies. All really good performances. So Jake Gyllenhaal's on a bit of a hot streak.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of conveying stuff without talking, Jake gyllenhaal maybe blinks 12 times in this movie. He's so zoned in on the character, his eyes are. And we take for granted how creepy it is when someone doesn't blink. Like that's a really creepy thing. Now I'm thinking about it, and he does it so well. A really good movie. Well directed. A couple really good 10 scenes.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it a thriller?

[Giovanni]

It is. It is a thriller. Starts off a lot of exposition in that first act. Kind of slow, but, man, it builds. And it's a solid movie. 93% very justified. I give it an A.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Hooray for bounty war. Ah, Reverie. Bed. Love these guys. Oh, man. Put that on. Vibrant now. Now that it's cooled off, finally, it's cooled off out here in Southern California. Just pull that comforter up, hit the vibrate mode, put Molly on my feet and just drift off.

[Giovanni]

What if the fan's on?

[Brian Bishop]

You know what?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Giovanni]

That'S the fan one.

[Brian Bishop]

Every part of the skin that covers Lynette's body has a down comforter on top of it, except for the seven, eight of an inch that stop go from your hairline to just above your brow. And she claims that the wind from the fan is making it unable for her to sleep. My forehead skull. And I was like, you can go camp. You know, like, here's what your forehead. There should be more forehead piercings. You ever really go at a zit that's on your forehead and you realize you can fucking apply as much pressure.

[Allison Rosen]

Use a spoon.

[Brian Bishop]

Use a fucking spoon and some needle nose pliers. It's like you can. There's not enough nerve endings. The problem with the forehead is there's not enough nerve endings. So you take the zit and you destroy it. Then you walk around like the Cyclops. Reverie bed.

[Giovanni]

Reverie bed.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm saying. It's got the adjustable foundation. It's got the massage function, zero gravity, anti snore position. Do yourselves a favor and step on up like I did. Sleeplikeadam.com for 101 night no risk trial. If you don't love it, you send it back. But you'll never send it back. Or if you do try to send it back, your wife will tackle you when you pick up the phone. [phone]. Or you can go to sleeplikeadam.com. dawson. Any Adam Carolla listener who calls Reverie to learn more and decides to purchase a Reverie sleep system will receive a $250 voucher for Reverie accessories. You must call to be eligible and specify that you're referred by Adam Carolla. Voucher cannot be applied to reduce the purchase price of the sleep system. All right, let's see a couple more phone calls here. News and much more discussed. Hey, I was having this thought while you were talking about the nightcrawler.

[Giovanni]

Should have been focused on my review, but. Okay. What's your thought?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know, there's cameras everywhere. Every store has a camera on it. Every sidewalk has a camera on it. But then every home, and many homes have a camera that's fixed out onto the front gate or whatever. And if a car goes speeding down the street and there's a robbery down the street, then go, oh, well, that's the car that was driving. But a lot of businesses on the sidewalk and stuff like that. The whole O.J. thing, if O.J. did that, now, there'd just be tons of footage of him driving his car down the street into Brentwood.

[Giovanni]

He'd have been photographed five times on the way to the house.

[Brian Bishop]

If he passed a bank, there'd be a camera out on the corner by the atm. Or there'd be another just rich guy house that had a bunch of surveillance cameras that were at the rich guy house on the gate. And it'd show a timeline and they'd show the white. And all you'd need is, well, there goes white Bronco pulling up next to whatever street Nicole lives on with this timestamp underneath it, which they. They're all on a computer. They all have the time stamp.

[Giovanni]

Think about this. 1994, not that long ago. Technologically, do you think some footage existed of the Bronco pulling up the street? Because you're right. Rich guy houses, they definitely had surveillance back then. Think some might have been friendly with O.J. and kind of looked the other way? I'm just saying.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I know there's that whole sort of, I think, Kardashian, what happened to that brown suitcase thing that everyone thinks had the knife in it? I mean, it's not often that a murder weapon just completely disappears. And there was that thing where I don't know if it was Robert Kardashian or whatever, whoever his friend was, was, like, carrying the brown satchel from the thing to the thing when he was going to turn himself in or whatever it was. But. But there is a little bit of.

[Giovanni]

That looking out for your buddies kind of thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Said that the Kardashian name has been a completely eclipse to reality stars from Shady Lawyers.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

So sad.

[Brian Bishop]

Either way. Not that long ago, but nothing exists. And you'd think nothing. Not one. Now, Nicole did not live on a super expensive street. She lived on a nice street, but there were townhomes and stuff like that. But. But nobody in that sort of Bel Air neighborhood had a security camera that was on their front gate that showed a white Bronco just drive by. On the other hand, we had a whole bunch of OJ's DNA spread out all over the crime scenes.

[Giovanni]

Could they make that stick?

[Brian Bishop]

I could see the conversation like, ooh, we got some grainy black and white footage of what looks to be like a white Bronco or could be beige, and I'd go, or we could simply use all of his DNA that's spread out all over the fucking. In the Bruno Mali, by the way, the Bruno Mali shoes. That was it. That would have been the end. If this was an episode of Columbo, that would have been the end of the episode. Because they said, we found a Very unique footprint in all the blood. And it turned out to be Bruno Mali footprints. And this is a very exclusive, unique shoe that almost nobody has, and they only sell about 300 of them, like, worldwide in a year. And then O.J. went, well, I don't have those shoes. And then went, oh, okay. And then later on, somebody produced a picture of him out on the field. I think it was in KC for some reason. End zone in Kansas City, standing, wearing the Bruno Mali shoes. Now, if this was Columbo or Monk, you just go, oh, oh, that'd be the end of the episode. They wouldn't have the court part. They'd go, he said he didn't have these shoes. He had these shoes. And that's the prints of the shoes we found. So the grainy footage of the Bronco, which he may or may not have been driving, which could have been any Bronco. Not necessary. With all the Bruno Mali in the.

[Giovanni]

DNA, the fact that, strangely, not enough is made of the fact that he got off, that's the greatest legal shenanigans swindle.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What evidence did they need a conviction?

[Giovanni]

They convinced a jury that they tried to frame.

[Allison Rosen]

Which he basically did in his.

[Giovanni]

They tried to frame him.

[Brian Bishop]

It was basically. This is the. Yeah, the LAPD is trying to frame a black guy, essentially. Except for OJ doesn't count as a black guy to the lapd. They're getting autographs from him. And when they're getting the calls earlier, where Nicole Brown Simpson, whatever, is saying, he's gonna kill me, they're like, well, you know, come on, boys and boys, what are you gonna do? Yeah. So they were sort of. They were quite the opposite of having it in for OJ they liked OJ he was one of the good.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you remember what your reaction was when you found out he got off?

[Brian Bishop]

I was there.

[Giovanni]

He's only a jury.

[Brian Bishop]

I was at the courthouse, and I was literally down there. Well, actually, it's kind of funny because I was on. You guys ever get on these big chains of emails where everyone is going around and then I want to know what the. I always want to know. All right, I have two mindsets. One is, do not chime in, because it's the same reason back in the day when my buddy Chris would say, I'm going to take a piss. When we were cutting class, Mr. Space Class in the third period, he'd go into the bathroom and go, I'm going to take a piss. And then Ray would say to me, I'm gonna go in there and Piss on him. Wanna come with? And I'd say no. And the reason I'm saying no is because I have had it happen before where I went, yeah, this is gonna be fun. And then I come in and Ray starts to piss on Chris. And then Chris says, why don't we both piss on Adam? And then I look at Ray and go, what the fuck? And he goes, hey, man, you should listen to me. And I get pissed on by my two fucking friends in the middle of school. So there's a point where you go, why am I even entering this fray? Like, what's in it? What's in it for me? And we just had somebody. My friend Daniel just sent me a video. I don't know why, but he said, remember this? And it was the court. The verdict was rendered, and the black folks were going nuts, and the white people were crying, and it was this whole thing. And I said, and this is the ones that Jimmy and Cousin Sal are on Now. The problem with Cousin Sal is the Flame fans, the Flames, and Baby Doll Dixon. And I said, shouldn't have done it. But then you don't want to seem like you're ignoring everyone's fucking daisy chain of love. Like, these guys are all in on it, commenting back and forth.

[Allison Rosen]

Are they all making jokes?

[Brian Bishop]

They're all just. Nah, they're kind of saying, yeah, I remember where we were. Or, this is weird. Or you having a communal experience. They're having a communal experience that I'm linked, I'm chained in on, but I'm standing by the sidelines, not chiming in. But I said, all right, I don't want to sound like the guy. I get chained in on this stuff. And then I don't comment on it. So I said, I was there. I was at the court. I was at the courthouse, and I was covering it for Kroc, for Kevin and Bean for their morning show as Mr. Burcham. And then appropriate grubby toss. I know now this is the problem. So then Baby Doll fires back with, how lame is radio sending you down there as Mr. Burchell.

[Giovanni]

It was Jimmy's idea.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. That's the following email.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, I'm gonna need to hear the blow by blow.

[Brian Bishop]

Now everyone's pissed. And I realized, this is why this is what happens.

[Allison Rosen]

You were innocent there.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I know. I know. I'm innocent. I just know someone else is getting fucking needing a groin now. And it's because I chimed in.

[Allison Rosen]

That's pretty funny.

[Brian Bishop]

It was pretty funny. And then there's a whole String of shitty emails back and forth. And of course, all cousin Sal does is fucking write shitty emails that fan the flames of whatever else is going on between their two.

[Giovanni]

Didn't realize you thought so little of your client's career.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's what he. And then he chains that all in, and then baby doll has to dive into it with some sort of weird. So that was the last. So that was. That was. That was two weeks ago, for some reason. But to me, the part that saddens me about all these things wasn't, you know, I don't know, the O.J. you know, running the. Running the links free part. All the black folk falling to their knees and thanking the Lord for this victory. That's the part that made me sad, because it's like, OJ Is not going to your community and opening a community center. He's going back to Bel Air to find another blonde to fuck, and then he's gonna hit the links with his lawyers. So don't get behind O.J. he's not.

[Giovanni]

He's not really on your team.

[Brian Bishop]

No one should be on your team. You and your family need to be your team, and it's good to have a good relationship with your neighbors and Stu. But don't hit your wagon to O.J. he's going to Bel Air, and you can't afford that neighborhood, and he's going off to hop on the Kardashians private jet. He's not going into your community and helping out with whatever plagues your community. So don't. And I treat it the same as a team. Like, look great, follow the Ravens, follow the Steelers. Don't live and die with them. Don't fall to your knees and throw your hands to the heavens. They're not going to get you out of paying your mortgage or getting your kids braces or putting something away for college. And by the way, the more energy you put toward that, I think the less you have toward the college fund.

[Giovanni]

This was the worst Burton segment ever.

[Brian Bishop]

It got a little preachy, but it was insane standing in the middle of it, watching people just fucking rejoice in a crazy Marty world. Were you surprised?

[Allison Rosen]

I remember being like, I couldn't believe. I couldn't. It felt like such a miscarriage of justice, and I just couldn't believe.

[Brian Bishop]

Seemed like one would have thought that a large segment of that community would have wanted this outcome, but a crazy display of partying and celebration when you have a couple of dead people, their head's missing, would seem inappropriate. Inappropriate. So sort of shake your Head walk home and then pop the champagne, but don't do it in front of the news cameras. That's.

[Allison Rosen]

Were you surprised when he got off?

[Brian Bishop]

You know, first it's weird because it seemed like the longer it went on, the more he was gonna get off. And then it also seemed like trying. Him trying to get that glove on always reminded me the infomercial where like, you ever try making spaghetti? Good luck getting it into the colander. And then they show the person dumping it all over their pet and flopping like that was like his version of a shampoo and conditioner at the gym. I don't think so. Whoa.

[Giovanni]

How am I. Oh, too many plastic bowls.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Like, he was like, ahahaha. What about a good infomercial for something called like glove fit or something like that? This ever happened to you and Darden and what's her name?

[Giovanni]

Marcia Clark.

[Brian Bishop]

Marcia Clark. Should have known. Don't give him the rubber glove. You could take a glove that you'd worn every day for 10 years, then soak it in blood and let it dry out in the sun, and then put a rubber glove on, a latex glove on, and good luck. You just easily sliding your hand into that glove and then good luck.

[Allison Rosen]

When you're trying.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, when you're trying not to do it. The second they put the latex glove on him, like, okay, he's not gonna sleep. It's not gonna work. And by the way, we could all do a version if people were watching, if you said, oh, that's not my sock. Oh, yeah, try it on. Okay. We could do a version that is a. In boxing, when a guy is getting the shit kicked out of him and he spits his mouthpiece out and it hits the ground, the ref calls timeout, picks up the mouthpiece, and for some reason he has to walk it over to the corner and have the corner man wash it off or whatever. Even though the guy has been ingesting his own blood for the last 11 rounds, now it needs to be rinsed because it touched a Takati label on the fucking canvas down there. But anyway, they go. Now when they hand it to the corner guy, their guys concussed, and their guy's gonna need as much time to get his head straight humanly. And so they're always like, whoa. And the ref's like, hurry, hurry, rinse it. Hurry, hurry, time out. Go, hurry. And the guy's like, oh, what do you want? What do you want me to do about it? It's the craziest. That's kind of what OJ Was doing. Like, if you find. By the way, Gary. Oh, man, this is going to be a tough one. Goosen. I think Dan Goosen just died. He's a pretty big promoter, been around the game for a million years. He. Yeah, he died October 3rd. He's a big name. He trained a guy who fought Castillo. Font. You'll find it. You'll find it. If you want to see the craziest fight, last 30 seconds of a fight ever. I'll take a phone call, we'll do some news and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's see. Speaking of, let's see. Kirk Cameron. Hey, Zoltan. 35, Oregon. Zoltan. Zoltan. Hey, how you doing? Good, man. So you know how you have your hypothetical question about what would you rather not have for your daughter? That she be on a billboard for a strip club, but she doesn't actually work there, or she actually works at your local strip club, but only the people that go there know. She knows that. Yeah. This is literally millions of people a year passing by it on a crowded freeway looking at your daughter. People went to high school with her, faculty members and things like that. Seeing your daughter up there, knowing that she's a college student and not actually stripping, but having her up there versus being at the strip club. Right. Okay, well, I thought of a third option. Actually, I saw a third option for this driving my son home from Pop Warner game. And on i5, in between Eugene and Salem, there's a big billboard that says abortion, a lifetime of regret. And there's a picture of a very sullen looking teenager. And I was wondering, what would I rather not have for my daughter? Her on an abortion anti abortion billboard or strip club billboard? Mmm. Well, to go apples to apples, I think it'd be get the abortion versus don't get the abortion and be on the billboard or strip club. But we will work strip. We'll play under your rules. Well, I'm assuming in both scenarios that it's just an actress and not really somebody who actually partook. Well, the anti abortion billboard is that the chick that's going to get the abortion, who had the abortion, who thought twice and decided not to get the abortion doing well, it says a lifetime of regrets. So I'm assuming in the ad she's had the abortion and now she regrets it. Here's what I think. I think in the strip club billboard, a large percentage of people that see the strip club billboard thinks that's the head stripper at that place.

[Giovanni]

I agree with that.

[Brian Bishop]

I've had that thought many times. They got the best looking stripper at the Spearmint Rhino in the city of industry. And they. They put her on the billboard like a fireman calendar. Whereas I think when you pass the abortion billboard, we're in Los Angeles, so we don't see a ton of those. But when you pass the abortion one, you don't think, oh, that woman just got an abortion. The percentages are different, so I'm gonna say abortion, But I'm not happy about either one of these. Well, the way I figure it, if. The way I figure it, if she's on the anti abortion strip club, that's her mom that fucked up. Her mom fucked up and didn't teach her properly. But if she's on the strip club ad. Oh, yeah, that's coming back to you, right? No, that's. That's actually. That's astute. Yeah. I don't want to. I don't want to take the. The daggers and the prying eyes and all kinds of stuff. Yeah. Because when it's always, Daddy, Daddy screwed up, now she's at the strip club, there's a certain mama screwed up or Daddy screwed up with the abortion clinic, but I think that one is more on mom, so Lynette can handle this one. I'll go with the abortion.

[Giovanni]

You know what our version is in la, which you guys have probably seen a lot of, is the. Hey, gay men get tested for aids.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Like, there's a lot of those billboards around now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes. Tons.

[Giovanni]

That's sort of if you'd want to be the guy on that billboard. It's just a mole. He could be straight for all we know.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't that guy. What's that? Black actor from. Shit.

[Giovanni]

Denzel Washington is the only black actor, so I'll say him.

[Brian Bishop]

No, this is him.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Terry Crews.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the. This is the other one.

[Giovanni]

Tyrese.

[Allison Rosen]

The other one.

[Giovanni]

Chiwetel Ejipor.

[Brian Bishop]

No, forest Whitaker. Shit TV. Think TV. Think LL Cool J. Taye Diggs. Hold on. Think TV and think law practice 10 years ago. No, not Donald Faison. We'll figure it out.

[Allison Rosen]

Someone from LA Law.

[Giovanni]

Christopher Darden.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Now I can't. You guys are gonna know him in a second. He's a black TV actor. Kind of Wayne Brady esque, but not Wayne Brady.

[Giovanni]

Andre Brower.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I have to figure it out. All right, show me Corrales. Show me Chico Corrales. By the way, you can this, by the way, one of the greatest fights of all time. And if you feel bad for the dynamic of the fight, Chico Corrales is dead now, by the way. And so is. So is Goose. And so. But he just hurt Castillo with the right hand or at least pushed him back. That was astonishing. And he hurts him with a hook. Corrales comes back a straight right now, Castillo against good pod. But you guys should go check it out online. Now at some point he's going to spit his mouthpiece out. After being on the canvas twice here in the tent, Chico Corrales died in a motorcycle accident like two years after this. That's very good. No, no, it's not what you're talking about. Zero to do with what I'm talking about. But, Gary. Well, I'm sorry, I thought you said the last 30 seconds.

[Giovanni]

I queued up the last 45 or so.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, but he. You go back to the part where he gets knocked. Knocked down, spits his mouthpiece out and gets it. The thing I described. I'm sorry, I said the last 30 seconds of the fight. All right, now we have to figure out who the black actor. All right, so Corrales is down. Corrales is down and he spits. He's a mess. I mean, look at him. He's still on the ground. There's two. There's two and a half minutes left in the round. He gets up at 8 or 9 and he's completely, completely out. He's out on his feet and there's a ton of round left. And he's going to go down. Yes, Spit his mouthpiece out. Now he goes and he gets knocked down again. And when he gets knocked down again, he takes his mouthpiece out and he throws it on the ground again. Now he's dead. I mean, there's two minutes left in the round, which they're three minute rounds, so they're. There's a ton of time in boxing he needs his mouthpiece because he put it on the ground. Even though he's a mess and he's just taking a huge beating. And now here's Dan Goosen going, huh, what? Now think how much. Look how much time he's buying. He's getting his wits. He's gotta fucking get inside on him now.

[Giovanni]

Little instruction there.

[Brian Bishop]

A little instruction.

[Giovanni]

Now you came back and won.

[Brian Bishop]

You fast forward to the end of this, the end of this round, and you see him knock Castillo out and it's absolutely insane. But if you're Castillo, you gotta be like, God damn it, I had this guy. Castillo would have run across the. He would have run across the ring and finished him off. Except for he bought himself time to get his wits about him. And that's all you need in this game. And it's absolutely one of the most insane rounds ever. But if you're Castillo, you can sleep easy knowing both of them are dead now. Yeah. Corrales died in a motorcycle accident just a little bit after that. Blood alcohol. Three times the legal limit, as I recall. All right, now, I'm trying to think. Gary, in order to find out who this black actor is, you're just gonna have to find the billboard, because I'm not gonna know the names, but, yeah, I've always said, if you think about it, the worst gig is not the chick who's doing the herpes commercial. It's the understanding boyfriend who's doing the herpes commercial. I don't need. Could be him. You got to find the billboard, Gary. Just west la, or just even Hollywood hiv, whatever. Billboard, right? Is that what we're talking about?

[Giovanni]

I'm talking about those in general. I didn't realize there was celebrity on them.

[Brian Bishop]

There is on some of them.

[Giovanni]

I've only seen the ones that are generic. Like, hey, black guys get tested. Which is weird. Weirdly focused.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a question. Black simile is another black actor who looks the same, or is a black version of a white actor? Because if it's that one on the Affair, the detective is black. Vincent D'Onofrio. He's a black simile for Vincent D'Onofrio.

[Brian Bishop]

I have room for black similes. White and black. But usually it's a black actor who you've confused for another black actor, but it doesn't make a big difference in your mind. That's black simile. That's what we're saying. You train them out on the same clock. If you were casting and you go, we need this guy, but only this guy was available, that would be a black simile, and you would cast him.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Otherwise, you would not fall under the black simile department. All right, why don't we do some news? Maybe Gary will find the billboard with the guy. All right, so it's an HIV billboard, and the guy looks like. What's his name? Whoever I mentioned looks like Brady. Looks like Wayne Brady. Maybe it's him. All right, here we go. Some news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And what? When it's time to wrap it up.

[Giovanni]

She'Ll sign it off with zip.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Allison. Adrian Peterson avoided jail time. He pleaded no contest to misdemeanor charge of reckless assault, and he was sentenced to a form of probation. He said, I stand here and I take full responsibility for my actions. I love my son more than any one of you could even imagine. More than. Oh, more than any one of you could even imagine. And I'm anxious to continue my relationship with my child. I'm just glad this is over. I can put this behind me, and me and my family can continue to.

[Brian Bishop]

Move forward, which I know he's got the one son, but doesn't he have a bunch of sons from a bunch of women?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And God did this guy. The fall from grace. I mean, the guy was like, comeback player of the year, had a horrible knee injury. It just kind of goes to show you how what a horrible society we are, that we're everybody. I had no idea that he had all these kids from all these women and that there was all this.

[Allison Rosen]

It only came out recently and that his charity was sort of corrupt and that they had paid for an orgy on the credit card of the charity that came out.

[Brian Bishop]

But it came out because we were looking for it. You know, the part where you have six kids with six women? That's out there. We're just. We don't care. We care about the fact that the guy completely blew his knee out and he came back and rushed for 1750 yards the following season. We're much more focused on that.

[Giovanni]

Headed for the hall of Fame, too, before all this. Who knows?

[Allison Rosen]

Now it's unclear whether he'll be able to play again.

[Giovanni]

It's, oh, he'll play again. He'll for sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Or what? It's unclear what the NF.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Whether they'll be let. What?

[Allison Rosen]

The NFL.

[Giovanni]

In my opinion, Michael Vick went to fucking federal prison for killing dogs. This guy will be back possibly this season, no later than next season, in my opinion.

[Brian Bishop]

But here's what you don't want to do. What you don't want to do is get on the wrong side of a popular cause.

[Giovanni]

I agree.

[Brian Bishop]

And then what you don't want is other causes that are sort of related to it piggybacking onto your cause.

[Allison Rosen]

Like Ray Rice.

[Brian Bishop]

Now there's a whole sort of domestic violence, and then it just becomes violence, and then it just becomes, hey, hey, dudes, try not to beat the people. Live in the same house with you for, like, a long weekend. That'd be nice. And now the example. So we were right.

[Allison Rosen]

The NFL is under scrutiny a little more now than with Vick.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we were talking earlier about O.J. and O.J. benefited greatly. And I think most people in the black community, if they were, you know, we just had a glass of malt liquor and really got to it would.

[Giovanni]

Say cracked open a vintage.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I'm not. I'm gonna be offensive. It could be fortified wine. But what I'm saying is, if you talked a lot at the time, the answer was sort of, do you think O.J. is guilty? Well, you know, probably, maybe. But so much injustice has been done over the years to other black males that this is kind of payback. So O.J. got. Which, look, I understand where they're coming from. It's not great logic, but that is O.J. benefiting.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You just wish that someone who was more deserving benefited from him.

[Brian Bishop]

It would be nice. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

The wrongly accused.

[Brian Bishop]

It'd be nice if Rosie Greer killed his girlfriend or his ex wife. He was just a better dude. But the point is this. He benefited in timing. From a timing standpoint, he literally got off. Probably because of all the injustices that had been perpetrated on behalf of black men historically. Now he got off. Now, problem with Adrian Peterson is he's now on the wrong side. He's on the Furman side of this whole thing. And as much as this would have been a bunch of nothing a couple of years ago, where, all right, the guy got out of hand with his son, give him a suspension, let's put him back, and there'd be a whole bunch of people wearing his jersey. It's a totally different climate now. And the Ray Rice thing completely exacerbated this one. Normally, I think it steals focus. And then if you're Peterson, you're like, oh, good, go after Ray Rice. You're getting. You're part of that as well.

[Allison Rosen]

But let's talk about whipping your kid with a switch for a minute. Do you think he'll actually stop? I mean, to me, that is abuse. It tends to waste stop. Is going to parenting class gonna change the way he parents?

[Brian Bishop]

I think. I think what. I think what'll stop with him and the switch and the kids is the various babies. Mamas who will drop a dime on his ass or extort him, I would assume. I mean, if you're baby mama number four and your kid comes back with a bunch of grill marks on his ass, you take a picture of that, you send it to Adrian and then say, send a check back for 150 grand. Otherwise, I'm going To Harvey Levin with this shit. I mean, that I think. I don't think he's going to stop for the right reasons. I think it's gonna.

[Allison Rosen]

Hopefully I'll stop for the wrong ones.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know, stopping is stopping. It's nice when people stop. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, you know, some people don't rob banks because they're good people, and some people don't rob banks because they have security guards and cameras. But either way, if you can have enough of the populace not robbing a bank, then I'm happy about it. I think the problem with the kid is the switch and the leaving of the mark and the instant social media of all baby mama number four's gotta do is pull the drawers down, take one shot with her iPhone, put it up on the Internet, and he's fucking ruined. He may be ruined already, but that should prevent him. You know, maybe he'll just get into smothering or drowning.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, hopefully. God willing.

[Allison Rosen]

The stuff that doesn't leave a mark. Here's a story involving physics, construction, and death.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

A man delivering sheetrock at a construction site in New Jersey was killed when a tape measure fell 50 stories and hit him on the head.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, a one pound tape measure became dislodged from a worker's belt on the 50th floor and struck construction equipment about 10 to 15ft from the ground and then ricocheted and hit the man.

[Giovanni]

Hit the fifth floor.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

When he was on the ground?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Ooh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Similar velocity, right?

[Allison Rosen]

So then. But it hit equipment about 10 to 15ft and then ricocheted and hit the guy in the head. He wasn't wearing a hard hat. He was taken to the hospital where he died.

[Brian Bishop]

It's so funny because the hard hat is one of those bullshit. You know, if you ever see a hard hat, it looks like a fake hard hat because it's just a piece of plastic with a weird plastic liner.

[Allison Rosen]

It always sits weirdly on the head.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's your little safety zone. The fact that it's not. Not making contact with your skull, but you have a little suspension up there where you have an inch above your head. But I'm always, whenever I see the guy in the hard hat, I'm always like, oh, come on. You fall off a fucking 50 story building, what's the hard hat gonna. It's gonna go up your ass when you hit the ground. Or one of those girders comes loose and swings down and hits you in the rib cage. And crushes you. Like what? This is the one where I went. Your fucking hard hat probably would have saved his head. All right now, Gary, I'm saying you can now just put in Wayne Brady. I've now decided it may be just Wayne Brady in my HIV Hollywood billboard campaign. I wonder if anyone has ever said we need to start an HIV campaign that's gonna go viral and then had everyone look at them and go, soon. What? I wanted to get out as many people as we possibly can.

[Allison Rosen]

Even Ebola.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Have it go viral. You have the campaign go viral. So, yeah, Sheetrock is the brand name. Sheetrock is to drywall what Kleenex is to tissue.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, so Sheetrock is just drywall.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. People say Sheetrock, they mean what band aid is to drywall and what band aid is to bandage or adhesive band aid, bandage strips or whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

I did not know that.

[Brian Bishop]

How would you like to be the guy dropped the fucking tape measure?

[Allison Rosen]

I think you'd feel pretty bad, but. And also, it wasn't just a straight shot. It bounced and hit the guy. So that guy is unlucky.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's an understatement. Yeah, you'd feel terrible. It's always, it's just always crazy to me that something that wouldn't anything can become a deadly weapon from that height.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, abso fucking lutely. And if people don't know if you hold like a 25 or 34, put tape measure, metal house tape measure in your hand, it's got some heft. Like it would not be one of the things you'd want to land on. You on the other hand, you know, obviously if you dropped a frozen ham, it would kill somebody. Anything at that height would just kill you. And it'd just be fucking weird. Killed by a tape measure. And then I think that would quickly get modified to construction incidents with everybody. All right. Ah, DraftKings, my listeners winning huge cash [e-mail] America's favorite one week fantasy football site. No season long commitment play whenever you want injured players, no problem. Maybe they got suspended for getting the switch out. It doesn't matter. You pick a new team every week. It's like a new season bald.

[Giovanni]

I told you yesterday I drafted two teams because I was feeling Frisco. And then earlier today, I tweeted the lineups, I took pictures of the lineups, both because I want people to see I put money where my mouth is. I actually want people see the lineups that I tweeted. And both lineups scored big time. Won all the contests I was in. This is a big, big week for me on DraftKings.

[Brian Bishop]

You can pick your team in minutes and be on your way to winning instant cash. And you can try it out for free. That's right. $100,000 contest they be having and you can get into it this weekend. First place takes home 10 grand. DraftKings. Dawson, head to DraftKings.com now and enter code Adam to play for free. DraftKings.com bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires.

[Dave Damaschek]

Enter Adam for free entry [e-mail] that's.

[Brian Bishop]

Draftkings.Com all right, what else we got?

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty soon It'll be the 45th anniversary of Sesame Street. Sesame street debuted on November 10, 1969. Yeah, lots changed on the street since then, though. Cookie Monster now eats vegetables and fruit sometimes.

[Giovanni]

Cookies are a sometimes treat.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I went, you know, I. I hitched my wagon to Zoom. And that's. That was my TV show. That was my weapon of Z or X. There was a Z. I think we're going to zoom. We're going to zoom. Zoom.

[Giovanni]

Like Electric Company.

[Brian Bishop]

We're gonna zoom. A Zoom. A Zoom. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I don't know Zoom.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no. God, I don't know.

[Giovanni]

Did it have the staying power of a Sesame Street?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. Now Gary's got to go. Gary can't find any black actor, hiv, Billboard, anything. Magic Johnson. No, that one I would have seen. No, there's a guy that looks like Chris Rock.

[Giovanni]

It's not Chris Rock.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, not the one I'm thinking of, but anyway. No, we get a lot of them. Yeah. All right. Now you gotta find Zoom. Nobody knows Zoom, huh?

[Allison Rosen]

No, it must have been a little before.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I think it was. Oh, could have been before you. It was after Sesame street, by the way. My thing is like this learning shit is for the birds. I want to watch me some fucking Speed Racers. I want to see some shit going on. I remember being sort of semi insulted because somebody told me some like third grade teacher or something said a little less with the Speed Racer. You ought to watch something, fucking learn something.

[Allison Rosen]

See, I didn't even realize Sesame street was educational.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's the good kind of educational, I guess, when you don't know it. But I knew that Speed Racer was bad for me. That's why I wanted Speed Racer.

[Giovanni]

I was such a, you know. I don't know if you remember the end of Sesame Street. They would say, today's letter is the letter R or whatever it is. I was such A nerd. As a little kid, as soon as I could walk and talk, I would watch Sesame Street. As soon as I was over, run in and tell my parents. Breaking news, you guys. The letter of the day is R. I'm like, that's great.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I remember. I didn't have a beef with Sesame Street. It's just. I think you. There was not. Speed Racer was a. Oh, we got the Zoom song now. That was a PBS thing. Gary. Gary will line us out on it. But do you have the Zoom? Do we have the Zoom song in there? Yeah. All right, we'll figure that one out.

[Allison Rosen]

Another difference in these 45 years is that millions of kids watch shows on phones and computers now instead of tv. And there's less time spent on the street with human characters because they're not energetic enough for today's viewers. Yeah, makes me sad. Remember Linda and Bob and Gordon and Maria? Gordon.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I watched a New Zoo review, too. Here's Zoom. It's a Season one theme song. We're gonna zoom we're gonna zoom zoom we're gonna zoom A zoom a zoom super creative. Shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, sounds really good.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the name of your show, Zoo.

[Giovanni]

This is like the 90s.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they brought it back in the 90s.

[Giovanni]

Okay. That's not the one you watched as a kid. That's like.

[Allison Rosen]

This is like, Kids Incorporated.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, this is the 90s version. Because, you know, they brought.

[Allison Rosen]

Because it was so good.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, could you imagine going like, hey, how'd it go? How'd that songwriting session go? Oh, man, I'm really excited. Here's what I got for you. Your show, Zoom.

[Giovanni]

Let's hear it.

[Brian Bishop]

Come on and zoom all right, I like so far. Show's called Zoom, is it not?

[Giovanni]

Of course.

[Brian Bishop]

I always try to work the title in.

[Giovanni]

Stay on Brand. Did I not say that to you?

[Brian Bishop]

Come on and zoom Brainstorming.

[Giovanni]

You said that already. Okay. Yeah, I got it.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that was the second part.

[Giovanni]

No, you said it already.

[Brian Bishop]

Come on and zoom Come on and zoom Come on and zoom Zoom Come on and zoom a zoom a zoom a zoom zoom I feel like you're.

[Giovanni]

Reading the same line.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it is.

[Allison Rosen]

I like this one better.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'm Joe. Oh, it's Joe. I'm Nina. Everyone's in rehab or dead by now. I'm kidding. My name's Tracy. I'm Tommy. I tried to show this to my kids that beat me with the tablet. Oh, I'm John.

[Allison Rosen]

I love this so much. He might be in the class.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

See if they Mention Zoom again. Oh, white hand and black hand shaking. Yeah, okay, we get it.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Stop it, Gary. All right.

[Dave Damaschek]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, so what would happen on this show?

[Giovanni]

No Muppets.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of talking about zooming. I don't even fucking remember. I just remember staring at this shit when I was 8 going, what the fuck is going on? This is horrible.

[Giovanni]

That was pretty bad.

[Brian Bishop]

Who wrote that fucking song? Do you need somebody to write a song where all they do is repeat the fucking title of the show over and over?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, according to this note, it was a show produced almost entirely by children.

[Giovanni]

Is that right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it looks like retarded children did it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it seems like they just decided.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what?

[Allison Rosen]

It seems like, I don't know if you guys ever did this, but when you put on a little show for your family that you came up with five minutes before. Yeah, that's what it seems like.

[Brian Bishop]

I put on a play every night was entitled I'm going to Ray's house and Eating. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow, maybe I won't. That was. And I also did the revised version of that was I'm going to Chris's house and Eating. But those are the two spin offs I would do for my family on a nightly basis.

[Giovanni]

From the guy who brought you. I'm going to Ray's house and eating.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, all right. This says, Zoom encouraged children to, quote, turn off the TV and do it on the show. On tv, usually seven kids, known as Zoomers, present or perform various activities such as games, plays, poems, recipes, jokes, songs, movies, science experiments, and informal chats on such subjects as hospitals, prejudice, et cetera, all suggested by viewer contributions. Oh, it's like you wrote it, you watch it.

[Dave Damaschek]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's the deal.

[Giovanni]

Viral. Viral videos.

[Brian Bishop]

It's what I would say to Lynette all the time when the kids were at that age where we had to watch that fucking Caillou, which is like. Like there should be a Battle Royale, which is Dora the Explorer meets Caillou in the just insanely artistically bankrupt department of Zero meets. Nothing Meets. I couldn't do anything for. I could not create anything for people who were older than five or were not severely mentally impaired. Because. Because if you watch those cartoons, everything from the fucking names to the color palette to everything is off putting. Has zero. I mean, people's. It's a fucking waste of time. And it's a waste of time for 5 year olds as well. And my wife would always go, no, it's good because they can learn to interact and they can learn the words and they can learn. What do you think what would have happened if not for fucking Caillou, if not for the fucking bald kids, Canada or the fucking Mexican cunt or their stupid fucking swiper, the fox? All you're doing is exposing them to shit. It's shit. It's fucking shit. I'd rather them fucking stare at a blank slate than look at the. I'd rather watch. Look at their own reflection on the TV that's unplugged than watch Dora the Explorer or Caillou or any of this other junk that you fucking pussies who pass yourself off as heroes create to pollute the minds of young kids. And let's make sure there's no words minced here. You guys are fucking unadulterated hacks who could not do anything that anybody with two brain cells to rub together could enjoy. You're not deciding to focus and concentrate on young children. You cannot cut it in an adult world where people are discerning and you actually have to compete. So instead you fucking cop out and you create shit which does nothing but pollute kids heads and eventually has to be undone by me yelling at the nanny to undo it. Involving fucking coward hacks. It's so. Oh, Dora's sidekick's a monkey. It's a monkey. The sidekick's a monkey. Who could have ever come up with that? The one who's doing all the swiping is a fox. Everyone is just named, like, Caillou. I think they just like, oh, oh, hi, Caillou's dad. Hi, Caillou's mom. Like, then. And my wife's always like, how are they gonna learn? How the fuck do we know what to call people's parents? I'd say eventually it's gonna catch on.

[Giovanni]

Well, you had Zoom and they have Caillou.

[Brian Bishop]

This stuff is such a fucking colossal cop out. At least Zoom is done by kids. Maybe it's the ultimate cop out. It's a bunch of producers just going home and go, you guys, go do it yourself. There is. There's a version. I mean, there's a Spongebob and there's a whole bunch of cool stuff out there. Phineas and Ferb for those. And there's a whole. When you guys have kids, you'll know there's a whole bunch of really cool stuff that you can watch with them. That. Creative songs, creative storylines and plot lines. Plenty. You know, it's Pixar. My kids enjoy Finding Nemo as much as I do. Or more. And why not? If it's for them, it's for me. It's for everyone. Why? Done by super smart people who are creative and talented. Caillou Dora the Explorer. Done by fucking hacks for kids who don't have any choice.

[Allison Rosen]

At the beginning of this, I would say was Barney the Dinosaur.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably.

[Allison Rosen]

Barney was awful.

[Brian Bishop]

Although. Does everyone know the New Zoo Review?

[Giovanni]

No. Well, I've heard of that by a U, but I'm not familiar with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, buckle up because now Gary's got to go find the New Zoo Review.

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't that cherry popping Daddy's album?

[Brian Bishop]

It's coming right at you, by the way. Ah. Maximastyle.com Love these guys. Best prices and selection on LED bulbs. Love these guys. Everything in the studio, everything in the house, all the fixtures, everything. Maximastyle.com they provided all of it. And thus when I come home and nobody's home and I've been gone for nine hours and the light is on in the kids closet and the door shut, which makes it somehow more ironic and more painful, I look up, I see the LED bulb in there and I don't bother at all. I realized whatever my intensity level was about the balsamic vinegar, it's all gone away. One tenth the energy. Lasts 20 times as long as conventional bulbs. Price is coming down, by the way, fast on these things. Maxximastyle.com exterior man, if you're going to leave that porch light on all night. Good, it's safe. You won't get your house robbed. Make it an LED bulb. Doesn't throw off all the heat. Lasts so much longer. Maximastyle.com use the coupon code Adam for additional savings. Ah, new New Zoo Review. Everybody.

[Allison Rosen]

Do we learned with our friend Goat.

[Brian Bishop]

Our friend go I miss helper Emmy Jo. Emmy Jo's hot.

[Giovanni]

Emmy Joe was hot.

[Brian Bishop]

Charlie.

[Allison Rosen]

This is nightmarish.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, if you were up high right now, you'd freak out. Smart owl. It's quite an unusual thing. The animals talking things. That's enough. Everything had to have a real upbeat dance number at the beginning and they were just kind of coming at you.

[Allison Rosen]

Doug looks like a molester. Our friend Doug.

[Brian Bishop]

Doug. Doug is creepy. Emmy Jo's hot though.

[Giovanni]

Joe was good luck.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that sagely wise owl.

[Giovanni]

Those animals were grotesque looking. They were frightening.

[Brian Bishop]

70S were a weird coke fueled fucked up. And as I always say, when you don't have competition or you have very little competition, you have the big three auto manufacturers in the 70s and what do you end up? You end up with the AMC Matador or The Ford Pinto or the Ford Maverick. The second Datsun comes into the marketplace and Toyota comes into the marketplace. You better fucking up your game if you're Ford, because you're going to get crushed. And when all you're dealing with is the New Zoo Review and Land of the Lost and the stupid Hare Bear Bunch or whatever the fuck. I mean, all these McGilla gorilla, they.

[Giovanni]

All had great grotesque animals, right?

[Brian Bishop]

They all had grotesque animals. They would take things like a color or an animal and just go, it's grape Ape. What's he do? He's a purple ape. What's he do? He just repeats the phrase grape ape. He just says grape ape over and over again. Well, how's that? That doesn't sound funny. That doesn't sound Hong Kong Fooey. That doesn't sound funny or interesting or anything. And it goes, well, who gives a fuck? There's no Toyota, there's no Datsun. There's. Nobody's gonna come in here. Well, now there's the Internet, and now there's a thousand channels, and now there's no such thing as Hanna Barbera anymore or any of these fucking retarded hacks, because you have to up your game. And I hope you guys will all boycott Dora the Explorer and Caillou for that matter, too, and get them the fuck out of here. But this is what you got. So all we got to do is be marginally better than Zoom or Wonderama. That's not gonna be too hard to beat, is it? So get in the fucking frog outfit and dance, bitch.

[Giovanni]

My theory is that the people who made these shows. This is mid-70s, early-70s. Yeah, approximately.

[Dave Damaschek]

More or less.

[Giovanni]

Probably went to college or school around the time of, like, Summer Love that druggie era. And they just sort of carried over into this whole thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it is weird how that aesthetic. I was just rewatching Strawberry Shortcake, Pets on Parade. It's a long story. But anyway, I couldn't get over how weird and trippy that was. I mean, that is just like all this stuff for children, but it may as well be someone's take on an acid trip.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, sitting Marty Croft, I mean, if you show another two more colossal hacks, if you show a picture of Lidsville or HR Puffnstuff, you're gonna see what looks like a complete and utter acid trip.

[Allison Rosen]

Those aren't even direct references.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. And as I said, we were talking just the other day about the late, great Alan Kirschenbaum, and when we were walking on the CBS lot, he said, oh, you wanna go in there because Sid. Marty Kroft or Marty Croft or1ofEMS in his office right now working away. You wanna go say hi to him? And I said, no. He said, why not? He's a legend. I said, he's a fucking hack. And he said, how can you say that? The guy's 89 and he's still sitting at his desk working. And I said, doing what? Warming over piece of shit from my wrecked childhood? Or is he creating something new? Cuz I guarantee whatever the fuck he's doing, he's trying to warm over a turd from 1973 and relicense it and resell it. And sure enough, Dana Gould came in here and said he was working on one of those Lidsville or piece of shit. No, the guy's a fucking hack who's done more damage than whooping cough to the young community. So fuck those guys.

[Giovanni]

The real telling thing is there's no nostalgia for these things. There's no like, oh, people don't talk fondly about it. Never come up in pop culture. There's no nostalgia for any of this.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they're basically ironic nostalgia.

[Giovanni]

Oh my God. Remember that?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, Look. The live action version of these fucking hacks is Sherwood Schwartz. He created horrifically bad shows. And these guys must have. These guys must have all thought like, how is it that we're on these colossal roles, that we own the 70s, that all we did, all Sherwood Schwartz did was shit out shows one after and they just got picked up and rode into season 10 and syndication, blah, blah, blah. How did it all stop? And no other show was able to be created by said person? Oh yeah, we were able to have A Very Brady Christmas Part 19, but no original content. When all this original content is pouring out of these geniuses. In the seventies we sobered up. Then there was something called competition. And the competition takes the fucking hacks and shoves them out. Just like it tossed Whitey out of the NBA. Wow. Thank you. All right, that's what happened. The brothers laced on the high tops and you fucking hacks got fucking kicked out. Weren't we doing the news? Oh yeah. Where were we? Something with Zoom.

[Allison Rosen]

Sesame street we were talking about.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah, yeah. Good for the.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a new app that's being tried out up in Portland, the Starbucks app that will allow you to order ahead so you don't have to wait in line and your name will be spelled correctly on your cup. The thing is, you can't. Because this is what I would want. I would want to Be able to set it ahead. Days ahead or something like that. But you just place the order, and then it tells you when it'll be ready.

[Brian Bishop]

And the closest one is in Portland, Oregon. Ooh, we could do.

[Allison Rosen]

When we go up there, we could try this out, maybe.

[Brian Bishop]

Still couple tickets available to the second show, but not too many. So you want to get on that. But I imagine it'll be your Starbucks or the one that's.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's. When you're near a Starbucks, well, it'll.

[Brian Bishop]

Direct you to the nearest one you could probably select. It will go to the one that's nearest to you, I'm assuming.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Put it in your zip code or use your location or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, okay. Exactly. I would imagine it's one of those. Yeah, I mean, probably. Probably. Surprised it took this long. I see the pizza one all the time.

[Giovanni]

Yep.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. They talk about popularity of the other, like grubhubs and things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's gonna be. It's. It's. People are just gonna go to their phone and they're just gonna. I mean, it's. Everything is just gonna come out of your phone, and everything's gonna be convenient, and it's gonna be waiting in line, and no one's gonna watch.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. And when you open it up, it'll show you what you just ordered. Although who. Who really varies their order at a Starbucks?

[Brian Bishop]

I think everyone has their order. Although I did have a. I had this breakthrough. I said I once at every six and a half orders. I. I go with the cappuccino or I go with the. Yeah, I go with the latte. Every once in a while, I treat myself to the latte, and I said, low fat or no fat latte? And I don't know where I was, but I was standing next to Dennis Prager, and he said, the one with the fat in it doesn't have any more calories or it's the same or what's the difference? Or something. It was marginal. Whatever it was, he totally does have more calories.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe not that much.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, now we got to figure out how many more. The low fat versus no fat or the non fat versus no fat. But he said. He said fucking live. And I went, you know what? You're right. I'm already wearing a fucking. It's a weird thing that we do where we go, I'm up to the latte, but I'm not up to the good part of it or the caloric part of it. Like, if you're gonna treat yourself for that moment.

[Giovanni]

That's a good point.

[Brian Bishop]

Go ahead and finish.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. If you're not just getting the cup of coffee or going for the latte. Go for the latte.

[Brian Bishop]

Go for the latte. All right. We'll do the math on that. Bring it home, little girl.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosenzip it cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Alison Rosen. All right, us Anaheim, Agora, San Jose, me, Sacramento, Cache Creek Casino doing stand up. Rare stand up appearance. Coming up this Saturday, two shows. Come on out, say hi. And also going to be at the BevMo outside of Sacramento in Natoma. So that'll be Saturday, 5:00. Go to AdamCroll.com find out all the dates. And speaking of Mangria going fast on the three pack. Deal. So make hay while the sun shines. And also thank you Florida because they just ordered another like 10 pallets to Florida. So evidently people in Florida thirsty are thirsty for a little Mangria. So thanks for that support. @corolladrinks.com until next time, Adam Corolla for Allison Rosen mul Bryan saying mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

Turn off the TV and do it it.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Crow Show 1447.

[Brian Bishop]

Coming up next, we have Adam Car Show 1377.

[Giovanni]

Dave Damaschek, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, also from 2014.

[Brian Bishop]

Check it out. Dave Damaschek here. Good to see you, Dave.

[Dave Damaschek]

Ace Corolla and company. What a pleasure. It's been far too long.

[Brian Bishop]

Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Carolla, bald Brian, what are you gonna do?

[Giovanni]

Lee? 1545 wanted that. I figured it was appropriate from the old radio days for top drop Dave.

[Brian Bishop]

Damaschek football program available on itunes. The podcast is and you can also check them out online. Davedamashek.NFL.com Sheck you go to work at the NFL Network in the beautiful confines over there in Culver City.

[Dave Damaschek]

In Culver City, yes. I Travel down the 405 and make my way in there. Yeah, it's delightful stuff. It's exactly. You know how you watch those old Sports center commercials and they make ESPN seem way cooler than it is? It is the reality of that place. Like I wonder what. Oh, let's ask Warren Sapp that question. Hey, Warren, standing at the salad bar. Oh, hey there. Hey, Willie McGinnis, what are your thoughts on Peyton Manning under press? You know, it's, it's great fun to be able to turn over your shoulder and kibbits like that and they have a salad bar that's you know what you know what? They've rebranded it recently. I could have gone for the whole salad bar. I thought that would have been narcissistic. The soup station has now been rebranded the Dave Damaschek soup station.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Because I love soup. Who doesn't love soup? And it'd be a cruel joke if he didn't like if your grandfather was killed by soup. It'd be a super cruel joke to play on an employee. You know, wiping the teeth, tears away every time you ladle on some chunky minestrone. You know, thinking about grandpa.

[Dave Damaschek]

Who kind of person would not like soup? You know, there are people who also declare that they don't like the Beatles. It's the same sort of thing. What do you mean? The Beatles played all kinds of music. How is it possible that some songs didn't appeal to you somewhere along the way?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I think they're just there to, you know, get you fired up. They're there to get a rise out of you. But I will.

[Allison Rosen]

Look, I'm getting a little twitchy, and it's because I have, on occasion said I don't like soup that much. I feel it is overrated. I will opt for salad over soup.

[Brian Bishop]

I get it. It's getting chilly in here.

[Allison Rosen]

Chelsea Peretti, what she said is, this is great, but now there's, like, 45 more bites of this.

[Dave Damaschek]

Why? Why bring this up, Alison? Why turn yourself into a pariah?

[Brian Bishop]

Why?

[Dave Damaschek]

Desire to brand yourself on the wrong side of history?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, I thought we.

[Dave Damaschek]

Every opinion is invalid. Was Hitler's opinion valid? No. Same thing goes with your soup.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, well, let me try to talk.

[Dave Damaschek]

Let me get back to talk some.

[Brian Bishop]

Sense into everybody here.

[Giovanni]

Do your best. But first off, pass the point.

[Brian Bishop]

In our return, I will say this. I went out to a highfalutin restaurant, and the soup that they had was nut based.

[Giovanni]

Was it midfalutin or highfalutin based?

[Brian Bishop]

It was highfalutin. It was not even. It was literally like a. It was like a pecan puree or something.

[Allison Rosen]

And it was like, instead of dairy, it was.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, I love a pecan pie.

[Brian Bishop]

We ordered it, and me and the person I was with, and the conclusion is, this is good soup. If somebody said you have to make soup out of nuts, but as long as there's potatoes and clams and beef and carrots available, why not use those?

[Giovanni]

It's not a Top Chef challenge. Like, winning dish.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. This is the fucking problem with living in la. You should not have to wait to get clam Chowder till Friday or whatever it is. It should be available all the time. There's nothing. Allison, come on. Corn chowder. You gotta love corn chowder.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, I. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying I have no use for soup. I'm just saying in general, I feel that it's over. I don't understand.

[Dave Damaschek]

Don't generalize that Any kind of a bean pureed into soup form is going to be delicious. What about a navy bean soup? What about a lima bean? How about this one? A five bean soup?

[Brian Bishop]

I defy you.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know what? Just a warning. If you put it down, I walk right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember how his grandfather was killed?

[Allison Rosen]

How frequently do you eat soup? Like, is it an everyday thing?

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, it is. I now feel an obligation now that at NFL headquarters, the Dave Damoshek soup station is. I mean, it would be like, you know, know. You know, I remember when Ace drank out on the golf course on the. At the turn on the ninth hole, he had a Bud Light when he and Jimmy Kimmel had been. Were sponsors of Miller Light. And Jimmy said, I will not drink Bud Light. But Corolla said, ah, nobody's looking. Ah, I'll do it right. It would have been the same level for me to not eat soup.

[Brian Bishop]

Pioneer pissing in the face of your sponsors. I. Dave, I want to know. We do a lot of power rankings with you. We. We agree to disagree on fruit for controversial. But somebody tweeted me this and I've said it many times. I go to the restaurants. I am obsessed with the fact that we get the exact same amount of everything, even the stuff we don't like and is rarely consumed. Meaning when you go to the buffet breakfast, the continental breakfast that they have at the bad hotel you're staying on they're staying at, there's one silo of regular and one silo of decaf. And even though I don't know a human being and probably don't want to know or associate someone who would drink decaf, the idea that there's a 50. 50 split of decaf when I don't believe there's anybody who's in this warehouse right now, and there's 12 people here who drinks decaf. And if you ask the person behind the counter at Starbucks how many people come in and ask for decaf over the course of a day of serving, hundreds of people. Might be two kids come in.

[Dave Damaschek]

I love the idea too.

[Brian Bishop]

Why is everything fitt? 50. 50.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's crazy. But I will say that, you know, After a hard night of hitting the o'tools when you wake up in the morning and make a Sanka for yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it really hits the spot.

[Dave Damaschek]

Get back on track. So human again.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me ask this. I go to the restaurant and they have the little packets, the little Smuckers packets. And the strawberry is always gone. And we're left with the grape and or mixed fruit. The mixed fruit is the biggest cop out in just preserve history.

[Allison Rosen]

It's 90% grape, right?

[Brian Bishop]

It's just a bunch of pectin and just sugar and color. It doesn't even know what color to make itself. It's the stuff that fell off the floor of the conveyor belt when they're making the real stuff. But my power rankings. And then there's controversy, which is marmalade. But my feeling is if you open a restaurant, don't order each year, you know, 500 grape and 500 strawberry. Order 5,000 strawberry and two grape because nobody fucking wants grape. And if they do, they don't like jelly. Not in this packet form. What is the power rankings? And when I go, people take pictures of it and they have the little, you know, little genies that hold the thing, the little caddies that hold the thing. And they'll be overflowing with grape. And there'll be no, there'll be. There'll be. This is the picture I took. I went out to breakfast with Hench and I said, I want to see they're all grape. And then there's two strawberries left. And the reason is because everyone eats strawberry, because everyone prefers strawberry. Why do we get the same amount big grape jelly?

[Dave Damaschek]

Do they have some lobby that requires something is going on or something like that?

[Brian Bishop]

I just want to know your power ranking.

[Dave Damaschek]

I'm going the maybe ruffle some feathers.

[Allison Rosen]

Here after what I said.

[Dave Damaschek]

Soup has a lot of range. Jelly does not. And from my earliest memory, I've always been opposed to it. I take my peanut butter straight. And by the way, let me just say this as a side note.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't need to hear yours. We don't need Jay slang. Just stick to the subject.

[Dave Damaschek]

There's a friend out there who I lost touch with. I mean, not just by a couple months. I mean by, you know, months turned into years, years turned into a couple decades. And recently we reconnected and his name's Peanut Butter. And I couldn't be happier. It is. When's the last time you had yourself a peanut butter sandwich? I mean, maybe I'm the.

[Brian Bishop]

It's been a while.

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh, My, it was really delightful. It was a midday treat for me.

[Giovanni]

May I ask you a controversial point that I brought up? Is it natural peanut butter or the gyppy in the sauce?

[Dave Damaschek]

No, I went natural.

[Giovanni]

Oh, that's the way to go.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Well, can I make this argument, Please.

[Dave Damaschek]

Make your jelly notes too, because I can't do the right rankings.

[Brian Bishop]

I shall, Mike Altier, go find my first book because I think I made a pretty compelling argument for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. One of the arguments is this all you need to know about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And I don't want to fly in the face, but there's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich version of grilled cheese, which is the shitty cheese and the shitty bread and the margarine. I'm not denying it's even better.

[Giovanni]

I'm not denying the yumminess of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. Yeah, it'll kill you. But all other sandwiches get worse with time. Meaning mama makes them, not my mom. Naturally, but your mom would make them.

[Giovanni]

One's mom.

[Brian Bishop]

One's mom theoretically makes this sandwich at 7, 10 in the morning. By the time lunch comes around at noon, the mayonnaise has got soaked into the bread and stuff has gone warm and weird and congealed and things like that. Peanut butter and jelly actually gets a little bit better. Better when the oil soaks into the bread and it sits a little and gets up to room temperature. Like the, you know, it's cold coming out of the fridge. But when everything gets to room temperature and the bread drinks in a little of the jelly juice and a little of the slickness from the oil, it's even better. Five years after. Five hours after. Sorry, Five hours after it was made as well.

[Dave Damaschek]

No, listen, that's a keen point. And it, you know, it's something we've talked about with, like, for instance, when I, when. When you and I, the thing we do, park our cars in the same garage on the. The crown shaped buttermilk doughnut from Dunkin Donuts is superior to the Krispy Kreme because the Krispy Kreme is so particular. It has all the rules attached to it. Oh, you gotta get it three minutes and it's gotta be warm and it's gotta. Well, then it's not a good donut.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dave Damaschek]

If it has to be that special, then no, thank you, sir. I'll just take my buttermilk and enjoy it later.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I'm gonna give you my jelly rankings. Go ahead.

[Dave Damaschek]

Can I say this about peanut butter? The only beef I have with it is that it's in unskilled hands. You destroy the bread. You can really destroy a piece of bread with it if you really haven't mastered the technique.

[Brian Bishop]

Takes a jeweler to really make turmoil, to really make.

[Dave Damaschek]

Somebody should invent. You're an inventor of sorts, and you're a craftsman. Make a utensil that spreads peanut butter better.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's called a Guatemalan nanny. You should get one.

[Dave Damaschek]

Go ahead with your jellies.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I do. Yeah, I agree. And that's the only problem with the real peanut butter. It doesn't spread out quite as nicely as the stuff that's covered in stabilizers and chemicals and all that kind of shit. All right, I've got. And tell me if I've missed one. I've got raspberry, boysenberry.

[Giovanni]

Your lump.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that. I don't know if they have them both at all places. I'll just say raspberry, strawberry, marmalade, grape, and last mixed.

[Giovanni]

Now, there's a blueberry in there too, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I don't know if I see blueberry in the packets. Okay, I'm going just with the diner packet. All right, now, who wants to make a marmalade argument?

[Giovanni]

I will argue for marmalade is simply underrated. I think people disagree with.

[Brian Bishop]

I got it at three. I got it at three.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like that's fair.

[Brian Bishop]

Grape or mixed, though.

[Dave Damaschek]

I got mixed at the bottom of flavor.

[Brian Bishop]

What is that?

[Dave Damaschek]

Orange?

[Brian Bishop]

Orange. It's like orange peel orange. English. S. I'm from England. I think it's an English.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, the other ones are called blueberry. Why isn't it called orange?

[Allison Rosen]

It's actually slightly different. You would imagine orange jelly would be sweet, but it's very tart. And it's got orange vanilla.

[Dave Damaschek]

Many moons ago, Adam, Carolla and I sat down for dinner. A New York Times lady. And on that night, we kibitzed about that similar subject, which is for some reason, human beings don't want to. Don't like the idea of like, yeah, give me a nice grilled piece of cow. No, we gotta go beef.

[Brian Bishop]

Just talking about this. Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

But chicken not afforded the same thing. We don't care. We're happy to eat you, chicken. We don't. We feel no sorrow over that swine. Give me some of them swine stick. You mean bacon pork, Is that what you're looking for? But for some reason, chicken. We don't care about that. Turkey, birds, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we don't. We don't like birds.

[Dave Damaschek]

And by the way they're called fowl. So you think you would want to change their name so you're not reminded that they are, in fact, foul.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And then it's got to be confusing to the buffalo because we put them in front of the chicken wings. All right. Do you have my thoughts on peanut butter and jelly? I sure do. Thank you. So what's the big deal about getting rid of peanut butter sandwiches? I'll give you two reasons, one practical and one symbolic. First, practical. Well, this is. This is addressing them, wanting to pull them out of the schools. Right.

[Giovanni]

No sandwich travels better than peanut butter and jelly.

[Brian Bishop]

The time between when it's made at.

[Giovanni]

6:45 in the morning to when the.

[Brian Bishop]

Lunch bell rings are five of the.

[Giovanni]

Toughest hours on a sandwich sliding around.

[Brian Bishop]

On the floor of a school bus in a brown bag, sitting on a bench exposed to the elements, and being mashed into a dark, a dank locker. We'll bring an egg salad sandwich or bologna with mayo to its knees, but not the resilient PB and J. Peanut butter and jelly is the only sandwich that actually gets better with time.

[Giovanni]

Like a fine cabernet that sticks to.

[Brian Bishop]

The roof of your mouth. How many other sandwiches can boast that sitting in the sun makes them taste better? Thus, it's the perfect sandwich for a sack lunch. And also, no sandwich goes better with milk. Mmm. That's right. Milk is the weapon of choice. Yeah. You're not drinking wine coolers in the seventh grade.

[Dave Damaschek]

You've never spoken or written more poignantly.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm smoking.

[Giovanni]

Footnotes of that. I forgot how little cursing was in your first book.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck that.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I ask you a jelly question?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, how do you feel about the seeds that are sometimes in raspberry jelly?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, now, that's interesting, because I married a woman who has a, pardon the pun, a beef with the seeds. She doesn't like the seeds in things. And it's a weird. When people confront the texture of something, it always sort of bothers me. They'll go like, I like strawberry. I just don't like the seeds. And it's like, well, well, that's part of it.

[Giovanni]

Strawberry is.

[Brian Bishop]

But also, get over it. Can't you get over it? Lynette doesn't like the seeds.

[Allison Rosen]

Strawberry jelly or jam has a lot fewer seeds than raspberry.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Lynette doesn't like the raspberry either.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, it's like nine, but because of the seeds. I guess for us people who have a problem with seeds, the main problem we have is that seeds.

[Dave Damaschek]

But let me. But where I. With the fruit that I part ways with with based on texture is the mango. People rave about mango the other day.

[Brian Bishop]

Because hard to eat.

[Dave Damaschek]

It may have been within these four walls. As a matter of fact, when I first said that, you know, the Shecky awards, the annual awards that I give out for fruit of the year and many other important subjects in the world, you know, I hailed 2013, I hailed all fruits because it was perhaps the most delicious year on record. And I felt like, frankly, the fruits of the world sort of decided to have a little hangover, you know, after all my praise, it was around about May. I said, you know, what gives fruit? This ain't gonna work for me. And I may just vacate the award in 2014 if you keep this up. It's not an idle threat, you understand?

[Allison Rosen]

No. On Broadway, after someone gets a Tony, that's when they're gonna miss the show. That's like a known thing.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's a sports thing too. It's hard to repeat because it's hard to stay motivated. And same thing here, apparently, with fruit. But I am very happy to say, as we round, as we look towards autumn 2014, fruit has turned it on once again at the right time. The peach is divine.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I mean, the red grapes, Rainier cherries, green.

[Dave Damaschek]

The Rainier cherries are delicious. Strawberries, blueberries, plums even. It's been outrageous. Good for you.

[Brian Bishop]

And speaking of, unlike Bob Knight, what.

[Dave Damaschek]

He does for basketball players, Damaschek does for free.

[Brian Bishop]

He motivates.

[Giovanni]

He graduates.

[Brian Bishop]

Mall chairs at him. Ah, speaking of food, nature box. I gotta tell you, snack more, snack [e-mail]. let's not feel guilty. These beautiful snacks. Zero trans fat, zero high fructose corn syrup, low on sugar. No, none of the GMO stuff. Oh, by the way, gluten free. All the good stuff. Oh, here we go. PB and J Granola. Best of all worlds baked sweet potato fries. Blueberry almonds. Those I've had. Those are delectable.

[Dave Damaschek]

Blueberry almonds.

[Brian Bishop]

Blueberry almonds. Try Naturebox right now. Get 50% off your first box. Just go to naturebox.com adam and shipping is free. Snack smarter. Stay full, stay strong. That's naturebox.com Adam. 50% off your first box. Can I say something, Brian? You raised a finger there.

[Giovanni]

I did have something to say about the food textures, but go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to say this. I don't know if you guys are with me on this, but in the last my whole life it was always, you know, eat your fruits and vegetables. Eat your fruits and vegetables. Eat your fruits and vegetables. You got. I have more servings of fruits and vegetables. And as a matter of fact, fruit came before vegetable. Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Now, every nutritionist I speak to or I hear speak about weight loss is like, well, you don't eat that fruit. Stay away from the fruit. I thought it was fruit juice.

[Dave Damaschek]

You don't.

[Allison Rosen]

They're filled with sugar and they're fattening.

[Dave Damaschek]

A piece of fruit.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Yeah. It turns out fruit not good.

[Giovanni]

I've heard the fruit juice thing, but I thought the fruit had, like, the. They're not the unrefined sugar.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, but it's all. They would rather you eat fruit than a donut.

[Giovanni]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

But if you are training for a movie, you know, like when they come knocking and they go, Wolverine 5.

[Giovanni]

That's right. I'm like. But I got the better.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you work with contact lenses in.

[Giovanni]

I'll do it for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. When they come looking for you to do the Mark Spitz story or whatever they're doing. If you went into training, your nutritionist would take fruit right off the fucking table and there'd be no eating bananas or pineapple. That's for goddamn sure. And all, if you think about it, it's a little too good to be true. Because a peach and pineapple is delectable. And anything that's delectable has to make you fat. Because we live in a godless society that just fucking punishes us. We can't enjoy. If you're enjoying our. Are you enjoying that fruit? What?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I am.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, then give it back. Cause it's making your ass bit.

[Dave Damaschek]

I guarantee you the ones that aren't as tasty are cool to eat.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, not only.

[Dave Damaschek]

I can guarantee it. The ones that are not very tasty.

[Allison Rosen]

Watermelon is pretty low.

[Brian Bishop]

Banana.

[Dave Damaschek]

A banana is junk to me.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Dave Damaschek]

I couldn't. Don't, don't.

[Brian Bishop]

That's fattening.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't like banana.

[Brian Bishop]

Good, good.

[Dave Damaschek]

Eat your bananas, everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's the deal. There's even vegetables. They even got, you know, know, eat the green vegetables they don't want. You eat like the orange ones and even, like the corn. Like corn. It's great. So not only are we not eat your fruits and vegetables, they pretty much pulled fruits off the thing and they've left you with like jicama and green apples or something.

[Giovanni]

Kale and spinach, and it's all just.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking broccoli and kale. And spinach. It's not even carrots. Like, it sucks. It really blows.

[Dave Damaschek]

This point.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. But between that and not being able to eat the grains, you know, again, the pasta, there's nothing better than the big dish of pasta.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam, you can have 2 tablespoons of brown rice.

[Dave Damaschek]

By the way, Ace, you know, your coffee thing in the decaf, you know, food, like anything else, should be treated like a meritocracy. There's a restaurant in the Valley, in the San Fernando Valley called. I think it's Warren's Blackboard. And it operates exactly in that way. They serve what they continue to serve, only what does well. And if things don't sell as well, then they just stop doing it good. And that's in fact, the premise of the restaurant we're going to do. It's a soft launch for six months, but then we're going to open it into a proper place. And the menu will be comprised of the best sellers. I thought, that's a cool idea.

[Allison Rosen]

That's interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that, too. All right.

[Giovanni]

You know what fruit doesn't get nearly enough shit for its bad texture? Oranges. Yeah, oranges don't get enough sugar.

[Allison Rosen]

White gummy junk in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Anita Bryant. Blame, blame.

[Dave Damaschek]

The worst texture is pomegranate. What's it. What voodoo does it. Where dark magic does it do on your teeth that it feels like you just chewed up a hunk of chalk.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

I don't like. It's so precious. Who made this pomegranate? Picking out the little seeds and everything.

[Brian Bishop]

What do I.

[Dave Damaschek]

What? I don't love you that much. You're not that tasty.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know. And everyone decided that it was, you know, at some point, had 10 times the antioxidants and all that kind of stuff. I hope we're fucking over that.

[Giovanni]

We never finished your rankings. We were finished in the diner rankings.

[Brian Bishop]

It's. For me, it's raspberry, strawberry, marmalade, grape, and then mixed. It's hard to get below the grape, at least in this department. But to me, the mix is just a cop out. That's just. This is. This is sweet sugar spread that we're putting on top of your toast.

[Giovanni]

It's a real battle for bottom place because you have undesirable grape and you have unimaginative. The mixed fruit.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. All right, Ready to turn to the phones. Frank 41, North Carolina. Ace, man. How are you doing? Doing well. What's going on? Hi, Bald. Hi, Allison. Hi, Dave.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello.

[Dave Damaschek]

Hello.

[Brian Bishop]

Holla. I've been listening to you guys for about six months and you guys make me laugh on the way to work almost every day. So thank you for that. Well now, who turned you onto the show? You know, I just happened to see you guys listed as like the top five in the podcast and decided to give you guys a try. The rich get richer baby. That's right. Thank you, Adam. I was listening to your podcast. It was one of the live podcasts. It was the one with Paul Rodriguez. And it was the first time that I could tell by listening to your voice or at least I think, think that you were drunk. And I was wondering if, in general, if you're a person who can really handle your alcohol and you don't show it until you're really shit faced or if you can just, or if that was just a two or three beer atom. Let's see, we did Paul Rodriguez, we did him at the Ice House a few weeks back. I don't remember drinking. Well, I don't remember. That could be a clue. I have done plenty of shows where I've had plenty of shots. It's usually the two show nights, you know, because you have a few beers the first show and then you have a few beers between the show. And by the time you get sending.

[Allison Rosen]

Up shots, you gotta be rude.

[Brian Bishop]

They send up shots and you can't be rude. Yeah, the Phoenix show, I had like three or four shots.

[Giovanni]

I was gonna say he hasn't been listening that long.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah. No, I'll tell you what'll happen. I think everyone's, I think everyone is wired this way. There's some times when two beers will hit me pretty good and sometimes when it feels like nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

Does it have to do with how much food is in your stomach?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think there's that much of a science to it. Although I'm sure that's a factor. That's just. I don't know how tired I am, how long I've been on my feet. I mean, there are times when I have nothing in my system and fucking have trouble forming a sentence. And then other times when I have three beers and I'm fine, so. So it's a little luck of the.

[Dave Damaschek]

Draw though, and you know which night it's going to be on the first sip. I mean, sometimes a crisp beer is the most glorious thing in life and other times you take off a sip and you're like, eh. And then you'll force a couple more down because you're out to do it. But it's not that pleasurable.

[Brian Bishop]

That night, I do not believe I consumed more than any given live show night. May have had glass of Mangria and a beer or something like that, but I don't. I don't know. I have to ask. Gary. I don't think that night. But, you know, you never know. It hits different ways. I mean, there's the daylight buzz. You ever have just a glass of champagne like at noon, and you just feel buzzed and it's kind of nice.

[Dave Damaschek]

My new passion as I go deeper into life now, I used to, you know, the game used to be, how late can you stay out? You know, and you're late teens and your twenties these days. For me, there's nothing better. You're cheating life when you're drinking under the sun, you know, that's the best.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's kind of nice because here it is, you haven't physically consumed that much. Like you're not technically anything. I mean, you could get into your car and go drive to the supermarket because it's noon and you've had a flute of champagne or a couple of microbrews under your back. Nothing better than the daytime buzz. I say all the time. But you're not technically drunk. So says the breathalyzer, you know, so it's nice and it goes a lot further. And you can calorically, you can catch a nice buzz off of two beers versus if you wait till that night when the street lights come on, you'll be seven beers in without feeling that much. But.

[Allison Rosen]

And your gradual adjustment into sobriety from that isn't uncomfortable because my memories of daytime drinking were. Then I would just begin to get like a bad headache. Maybe that's a girl thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I work a nap. As we discussed on stage the other night. Frank, I appreciate your concern and you could have heard a buzz. I have been buzzed on stage.

[Allison Rosen]

But he holds it well, normally. I mean, we can't tell he's drunk now.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Well, you guys were still hilarious. Well, thank you and thanks for listening and I appreciate it. Absolutely.

[Dave Damaschek]

I used to practice basketball drunk on Mondays because we would have the leftover beer. We'd get the cases of beer, my chums and I in Pittsburgh. And whatever leftovers we had were in the trunk of our cars, one of our cars. And my friend Richie and I, we would, you know, our tradition was to finish whatever was left over from the weekend on Monday, in between class ending and the start of practice. And we would go there and, you know, listen, we were the 12th and 13th man on the team. So who cared what state we were in in. And it was. And oddly it made me better many times.

[Brian Bishop]

It did.

[Dave Damaschek]

I could shoot better from three. I don't know why.

[Brian Bishop]

We got one more question. We'll do that. We'll take a break, come back, we'll do some news. Jeff, 46, Iowa. I got kind of a two part question. All right. You had a guest last week that had mentioned and this was more, I guess geared towards 12, 14 year old.

[Dave Damaschek]

But I was going to shoot at a year.

[Brian Bishop]

He was talking about how Internet porn and all that porn overload can mess with your mind and your mind thinks it's real. Hold on, Sheck, what do you think of my idea? Which is because guys can lose themselves cruising the Internet looking at chicks. I mean, time passes fairly quickly. You know, they do that thing where they go, you know, at the end of your lifetime you will have spent, spent two years sitting in traffic jams. If you live in LA or some extraordinary number where you go, God damn. Spent two years of my, you know, 71, 78 years, whatever it is on the planet, sitting in fucking traffic. I bet you'll do three times that cruising the Internet looking for porn and doing nothing. Which by the way is as constructive as sitting in traffic. At least if you're in traffic, you might be your phone taking care of a little bit of business or listening to some talk radio and learning something about the Middle east that you didn't know about before. This is literally just cruising porn on the Internet. What do you think of this idea? Here's an app for your computer which is you set a time. Let's say that time is 20 minutes. When you're looking for porn, you're cock's on the clock. You got 20 minutes. Minutes. And if you exceed 20 minutes, you get locked out for four times that allotted mount. So that would be, you know, 80 minutes that you couldn't, you know, you could not go back. Now if you'd like to set it to half an hour, you can set it for half an hour, but you'll be locked out for two hours after that. I think would keep everyone on the straight and narrow.

[Dave Damaschek]

I would ball robics. I'm trying to work on the name in my head there.

[Brian Bishop]

Either way. Yeah, I think, and we asked around here, I think, well, Dawson's plan was he got to stay on for three hours and was penalized eight minutes. But I penalized 80, 20, 80, 20 penalized. I explained to him that's not how it worked. If you pick 15 minutes, you'll get locked out for an hour if you exceed the 15.

[Giovanni]

To be fair, that was some great outside the box thinking we were all going like, oh, 20, 20, 60.

[Allison Rosen]

And then he just reversed it.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

What would you. I think I would set as a goal for me and my junk. I think I would dial myself in at 20 minutes. I would look at that as. Look, you'll be thanking me when you're done if you can't get it done and that you're wasting time after that. Where would you like to set your time in for?

[Dave Damaschek]

I think 20 minutes sounds pretty good. Somewhere that 15 minute to 25 minute range.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Otherwise it becomes excessive.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Okay with you.

[Dave Damaschek]

I love it.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't realize this is what men do when faced with a whole bunch of porn. I didn't realize there's this constant like watching a few seconds. Oh, wait, no, there's something better. There's something better. There's something.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's the trick of it. Is that right? It's. It's what I imagine the smack habit is like, is that you just keep chasing the high, you know, like, you know, you, you have enough, but you got it. That's how you od. You know, it's a good thing you can't OD on porn. At least that I know. Because right then you. That was very satisfying. But wait, maybe that next one will be even better.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's how the speedball was invented. Like they went like, well, I'm tired of doing just coke.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's your name. You just stumbled into it.

[Brian Bishop]

Speedballs. Yes, thank you. Speedballs.

[Giovanni]

ODing on porn.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep, Speedballs. Jeff. Oh, a little autoronic asphyxiation there. Yeah, Jeff.

[Giovanni]

It happens.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, where were we? I've exceeded my lifetime limit already, I guess so I won't put a time on mine. But I was just. He said that you could do a 30 day fast to reboot your system for porn. So I was just thinking, I was wondering if you thought you could handle a 30 day fast. And then my second part of that question is I grew up in the same area as you did, where no porn and the Sears catalog in Cosmo and I never got. We were poor so we didn't have lotion. So do you think if you did a 3:30 day pass. That's what the grape jelly packets are for. They're free to reboot to a dry rub. Well, listen, I. At some point I'm going to dry rub. Sit down Kansas City style. Is that St. Louis?

[Giovanni]

North Carolina.

[Brian Bishop]

I am going to. I'm gonna sit my son down and as I've said a couple things, I want to find out what kind of drunks they are. So we're gonna go to a park with a 12 pack of Mickey's Big Mouth on their 16th birthday, and we're just gonna sit down and we're gonna drink. And if my son, at a certain point when we're all buzzed, I'm gonna go, who wants to go to Tommy and get a chili burger? And my son goes, you know, you drive. I'm kind of buzzed. I'll go, that's a good boy. If he, like pulls out a stick and goes, come on, old man. I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Bring it. Or my daughter does these. Someone's been working out. I know I'm in trouble and I'm gonna adjust accordingly. It sounds like a joke, but don't you want to know the kind we all grew up with? Bad dreams. Drunks. Like the guy, oh, he was fine, and then he got drunk and then he got into a fight, and then he was screaming at blah, blah, and he jumped on his motorcycle and it was raining and he wasn't wearing a helmet and he just fucking took off into the night, pissed off. Like, you need to know because it can literally get you killed or someone else killed or jailed. I'm going to sit down with my boy and like, you know, economy size, squeeze size thing, like Jergens, it just beat him to just beat him within an inch of his life with it. So it's like, look at the label, boy. Look at the label and then smack him again with it. I don't want him on the lube. I don't want him chasing that lube dragon his whole life. Once you're on the lube, you can't get off the lube. And that's it.

[Allison Rosen]

Has he shown any interest in lotion so far?

[Brian Bishop]

No, not thus far, but, you know, the day's young in terms, in terms of his genitalia. He'll get caught out camping with no lube. And he'll be using, like, he'll use that piece of bacon lard that's floating around in the, in the beans, anything.

[Dave Damaschek]

There's no dignity in that, using bacon lard. I'm just in your tent.

[Brian Bishop]

There is none. It's gonna be like, have you done it?

[Allison Rosen]

Makes you a target, too.

[Dave Damaschek]

I have to, I have to praise you. Because one of your keen ideas, Ace, many moons ago now, was to let Your kid let your boy see you nude once when you're very young? I have employed this now. And my man, Jean Claude Van Damoshek, you know, this is maybe a year or so ago, said like, daddy, your wiener is huge.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And it's seared. It's in.

[Dave Damaschek]

I was in heaven. Question, when do I now. Is he now cut off at the age of five? Do I now not let him ever see wiener again?

[Brian Bishop]

You've done your work. It's burned in. It's seared into a psyche. The point is, if he sees it again, it's gonna screw up. You know what I mean? He does. The whole point is he can never see it again.

[Giovanni]

Don't drive the point home.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, this dawned on me when it was me and my friends sitting around like in high school, going, what happened to our cocks? Our dad's are all so huge. And then everyone's like, yeah, my dad's got a huge cock. And everyone's like, wait a minute, all our dads can't have huge cocks, can they? And they, especially with us, we didn't get a huge cock. Why are all our dads have huge cocks? And I realized, oh, no, we all saw it once when we were five and a half. And it's seared in. Yeah, they knew what they were doing.

[Dave Damaschek]

And have you now, have you followed your own thought here, the idea of.

[Allison Rosen]

Letting and expose yourself to your son?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I did. But again, as I explained, I don't want people to think I'm a weirdo. I don't have a full erection. I'm not flaccid. Obviously there's a little. There's some tumescence in it. I use. I don't cover it in baby oil, but a little glycerin, Just bacon lard. Just something to reflect the light just a little bit. Much like bodybuilders, you know, they don't go out dry, so it's just a little that. And then I don't come out of the, you know, out of the shower. Ta da. I do a thing where I'm, you know, pretending like daddy's drying his hair and turning out into the bedroom. You know, I know what I'm doing, but I'm pretend, you know, it's a context. You see what I'm saying? Yes.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, you've just laid it out over the last five minutes. Yes. On gels and such. Unless it's time to beat the bejesus out of yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Dave Damaschek]

Standard.

[Brian Bishop]

Put it all over Jeff. So you're hooked on porn, and you're hooked on lube, and you've wasted half of your life. I'm a dry.

[Dave Damaschek]

I'm a dry rub guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, good. Good man. I've grown up that way. And my kid's 14, and I'm trying to. I've turned him onto your show and tried to express to him how important I wrote. Well, I'm doing a tutorial video that's going to be for sale very soon. We're working on that. I can show him, and that should help. I can speak to the lad if you like.

[Dave Damaschek]

Why don't you send him a direct message right now?

[Brian Bishop]

Just saying the first It. Whatever you do the first five times, that's about it for the masturbation and dudes. And the lube is very appealing. The siren song of the Jurgens jug is very appealing to most men, but it'll pull you right into the rocky shoals of life.

[Allison Rosen]

If you had to go dry, could you.

[Brian Bishop]

Me.

[Allison Rosen]

All of you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Dave Damaschek]

He's advocating.

[Giovanni]

We're talking or dry.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know where I grew up? Pittsburgh, Penn. You think fancy pants is running around there with bottles of gels and potions and whatever else? No, thank you. Real men.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it that it just doesn't feel as good, or is it that because what I'm imagining is like, you're in danger of chafing something.

[Brian Bishop]

I appreciate your concern. I know you're coming. Your heart's in the right place.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It's not a chafing thing.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I never went the lube route, and I'm very, very happy for that now. I'm blessed. Obviously, I don't take all the credit, but I was definitely touched by the hand of God. It was not lubed. That's right. Very dry, powdery. Hand of God. I'm just saying I want that for my children. You know what I mean? And I'll give them the speech. I was the first Corolla to not go to college, but to whack off in a dry fashion. And I want you to continue that legacy, Sonny. You're my boy. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, it's a Corolla name. It means something.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Carry it forward. All right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back with news and Dan Shek right after this. All right, we'll get ready for a little news. Dave Damaschek here. Dave Damaschek, football program. You know, should we do a little news? Allison Rosen the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it.

[Giovanni]

Up, she'll sign it off with zip.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Allison, Allison. Hey, Shaq, who is this rule named after where they raise the goal post 5ft? This other person. Other than me.

[Dave Damaschek]

There's an actual name attached.

[Allison Rosen]

Tucker.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. They put.

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh, the kicker for the Ravens. You're kidding me. They have. They're actually calling it the Tucker Rule.

[Brian Bishop]

First off, we have a Tuck rule.

[Dave Damaschek]

Too confusing?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Dave Damaschek]

Listen, I am. I'm legitimately surprised by this because it is not a secret to some people, at least at the NFL, that you listen. Rich Eisen is the face of the network. He knows that you came up with this rule. That alone should name it. It's not too late. Game hasn't been played yet. But we are about three weeks away, four weeks away, somewhere in that range.

[Giovanni]

If only some nearly here influential person at the network would start calling it the Corolla Rule.

[Dave Damaschek]

I've done everything.

[Giovanni]

No, no. Can you talk to Eisen?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah. What if I pushed it? And I believe Eisen has acknowledged that it's Carolla's invention as well. I don't know what the holdup.

[Brian Bishop]

What is. I want to just paint you a picture, Dave. What if the soup counter was named the Tucker Soup Counter at the NFL Network? Now do you feel the sting?

[Dave Damaschek]

Now you've really brought it home. And now I pledge to you, Adam, that I will not rest until. I mean, it really should be the Corolla Rule. You belly ached about this for a decade. Believe me, I paid the price.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Dave Damaschek]

Believe me, Cousin Sal, Hench and the rest, we've all paid a steep price.

[Brian Bishop]

For the last decade. These. These two, every Sunday for a decade.

[Giovanni]

The listeners every Monday for a decade.

[Dave Damaschek]

And also it came with the demand. And if you were close to the computer, shame the devil because. Hey, Shaq. Hey, Sal. Get that. Get a picture of the goal post pulled up here. Get that replay on the computer here. Everybody get over here and look at this. You know it's week 11. We've now seen it 17 times this season. Ace, like I said, get over here. Your jobs are. You're finished. See?

[Brian Bishop]

And then tweeted every.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, by 5 million people every single time it goes over the upright.

[Brian Bishop]

And then for years, you had to endure this one. Ace, why don't we put a laser beam that just goes over the. It goes right in the middle of the. Goes up into the outer space and then you're the best. We.

[Dave Damaschek]

Why don't we do. I'm going to make you the commissioner.

[Brian Bishop]

Of sports because I'm the most powerful man in sports beside you. But then every single, every single argument went was, was this, look, we can put a laser beam that goes up to outer space and then if the laser beam is broken by the ball, how do we know if the ball would have caromed in or gone out? And then there's a long pause and then they go, ace. What if we put a bar across the top and squared it off?

[Dave Damaschek]

That's the idea. And I think that's a great idea. The bar across the top raises the.

[Brian Bishop]

Difficulty and makes it scream or hitting.

[Dave Damaschek]

It through the hole is cool. That would be. That would be fine. This one Simmons thing was always. As if anybody listening right now doesn't know what Simmons. Simmons infamous remark was like. It's a gravity issue. It would be a crowd safety issue because he would fall into the crowd and kill someone.

[Brian Bishop]

It was just. No, he always just said it was a safety issue. And I went, it is 5ft of thin wall aluminum. And by the way, we have figured it out because it's ins. Have you been to Cowboy Stadium? They take a TV set that's 900ft across and they suspend it above the planet. I think we could figure this one out. I think we have the engineering tools.

[Dave Damaschek]

I kept completing the rectangle and making it into that and having the kicker have to put it through there. Now that's even extra points aren't a given at that point. Now, you see, because it's hard. You have to get it through the whole hole.

[Brian Bishop]

Rich Eisen was down with this. Rich Eisen was down with my trident, my center one that if you could hit it, you got five points or whatever it is, because there's nothing worse. This point, you know where they do this one where they go, well, it's a one possession game. We're down to 51 seconds. And the problem is, is they need, they need a touchdown and they're, you know, they got to move the ball. And then let's say, I don't know, let's say there's 17 seconds left and now it's a Hail Mary and they're never going to make it. But if they're down by four points or five points and they can kick, kick and hit that center bar, that would be the. Just the upright. That would be really exciting. You have to be super accurate when it. The Crowd would go insane if they're at home. And it clanked off of that. All right. News. Sorry, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I want to talk about it more.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Dave Damaschek]

Who's your pick for the Super Bowl?

[Giovanni]

Oh, Christ.

[Dave Damaschek]

Name two. NFL.

[Giovanni]

If she can name teams.

[Dave Damaschek]

If she can name two teams.

[Giovanni]

Well, they've been out of all the team.

[Allison Rosen]

The Patriots and the Rams.

[Giovanni]

Hey, opposite conference.

[Dave Damaschek]

You got the right thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Perfect.

[Allison Rosen]

See?

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. See your mouth to God's ears.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so speaking of products that you don't want to get hooked on, like lube, someone sent me a link to this article where this guy. It's called the Truth About Shaving Cream. And this guy talks about how he's turned on a lot of people to this whole you don't need shaving cream to shave thing and that. We've all bought into this idea that you need shaving cream, but actually, if you go without. And instead he talks about, at the very beginning, just use a tiny bit of mineral oil or baby oil, which I think is mineral oil. And it'll feel weird at the beginning, and you will get nicks and things like that at the beginning. But within, like, six days, apparently, you'll have a smooth shave, you won't need shaving cream, and you'll shave a lot faster. And so, I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's all you need, or here's what I figured out. If you go a number of days without shaving, you need something. First thing you need is hot water. Get that hot water up there and get that. Get the whiskers in the hot water. Get the razor in the hot water. If I'm doing a TV show and I have to shave every morning before I leave for work, and it's only one day's growth, I do go without the cream. I just go with the hot water and just do the swipe, swipe, swipe, and that's no problem. That's every day. But if you're gonna let it go four or five days, then it gets. It's tough sledding. So.

[Allison Rosen]

Because he talks about the. Like, how needing aftershave and the rash now your skin is irritated, and that makes you think, oh, I just need a new razor, or I need this or that.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think anyone uses aftershave anymore, do they?

[Dave Damaschek]

Aqua velvet.

[Giovanni]

Not traditional aftershave, but it's like a lotion.

[Dave Damaschek]

They do, yeah, but people don't. But people don't do the liquid, the green liquid, and slap it and slap their face.

[Brian Bishop]

I do I do. And then I wait for the hot chick to slide in behind me. Never happens. I just stand there alone with a towel. Single tear.

[Dave Damaschek]

Ace. The thing that, if I may say, I think the thing that you like best about me on A list of two is that I worked on BattleBots when we first met.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I love BattleBots.

[Dave Damaschek]

I was once with Bill Nye the science guy, who was a part of BattleBots as well. Whatever. That was 14 years or so. And I asked him that same thing. I said, I dry shave a lot. It doesn't do any. That's fine with me. I'll just take the razor. Why do I need the shaving cream? He said the most important things to do. He said, that's absolutely right. First of all, wash your face with really hot water. Really do that well. And two, not the hot water on the razor.

[Brian Bishop]

Cold.

[Dave Damaschek]

If you can really even put it in ice cold water for a couple minutes because it makes the cold makeup. Makes it contract.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the molecules, it makes it tighter.

[Dave Damaschek]

And so sharper and therefore gives you a good clean shape.

[Brian Bishop]

So cold on the. On the water. I mean, hot on the face, cold on the razor.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's right. He's now moved on to global warming issues. But at the time, I'd like to get him back, Bill Nye into important issues.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So what's the. What's Adam's other favorite thing about you?

[Dave Damaschek]

I don't. I don't know. I just figure it's a short list.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotta be something.

[Dave Damaschek]

My connection to Rich Eisen.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Does he talk about me?

[Dave Damaschek]

You've come up once or twice favorably.

[Brian Bishop]

You talk too much.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, I would like to know what you guys think about this. There's a store in Minnesota, a meat store, that's selling gummy bear bratwurst. This is bratwurst with you. See, we're looking at a photo. You can see the adam.com gummy bears inside. And initially the guy, it's Grundhofer's Old Fashioned Meats. That's what he gets.

[Giovanni]

White people.

[Allison Rosen]

Initially, he didn't want to do it because he had pride in his tube meats. But apparently he finally gave in and now the store is big dummy.

[Dave Damaschek]

Who was it was providing this pressure that he couldn't.

[Brian Bishop]

The way he stoned his nine year old.

[Dave Damaschek]

The way he tells one man, how can I res. How can I fight off the horde demanding this?

[Allison Rosen]

He tells it, it was like a. Friends were coming in. People were being put up to come in and ask him about it. It was like a Practical joke. It started that way, but he said like, there it's kind of sweet and sour and it's actually really good. Good. It's hard to imagine.

[Brian Bishop]

No, never, Never. Well, here's the whole thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Curiosity though.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree, but we need to stop fixing things that ain't broken. Bratwurst is not fucking broken. It is so far down on my list of things, I've said it a million times. It's when the people do the. Here's my take on lasagna. I don't need your fucking take on lasagna. Lasagna is fine. The way lasagna is, is you make it the way your grandmother made it and everyone will be fucking happy. Feel free to make the best version of lasagna you can possibly make. But don't give me your own retarded take on lasagna. I don't want any of that. I don't want any gummy bears or cauliflower in there. I want lasagna.

[Dave Damaschek]

Don't need a remake of Psycho. The first one worked out alright. This is Hollywood's issue too. They remake what already was done. Well, instead of saying, you know what? That Lone Ranger picture didn't work out so well, let's give it another shot. Choose the good ideas that turn out crummy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Then look, I don't mind, you know, maybe the peanut butter, the Reese's Peanut Butter cup was invented this way, but to me there is just nothing better than a good brat with some of that dark deli mustard on there. That's the ticket.

[Dave Damaschek]

The dark deli mustard is the only way to go.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And it ain't broke, so let's not fix it. And in general, just because I cannot, with confidence go into a restaurant and order a club sandwich anymore, with any confidence, that it resembles any kind of club sandwich from my youth drives me insane. It shows up on a fucking kaiser roll. Nothing's toasted, it's not triple decker, there's no bacon in it. And they just go, oh, this is our club sandwich. And I'm like, don't say club sandwich.

[Dave Damaschek]

You love a club soda. Then you're gonna love our club sandwich. Why did you do that? Why did you make it that way? Just give me the regular one.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, here's the deal. The person ordered a club sandwich, presumably because they wanted a club sandwich. I think this is a picture from Jimmy's wedding on the club sandwich. Not at the wedding, but at the, like the snack shack at the bar. But the point is, it's like, oh, we do it with the focaccia bread and the artisan this. And it's got the. It's like, first off, this is the one, you know, look, everyone hates the Jews, but the one thing they get right, the one thing.

[Giovanni]

One of all things.

[Brian Bishop]

Of all the things is the fucking sandwiches when you go into a deli.

[Giovanni]

And if they can get it right.

[Brian Bishop]

If the lowly Jew can get the sandwich right.

[Dave Damaschek]

Rich Eisen's a Jew.

[Brian Bishop]

And again. Huh?

[Giovanni]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta rethink my.

[Dave Damaschek]

I mean, I don't know if he's.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta talk. Whoa. Might shake up throwing a wrench in my two gears. Here's the point. You go to a deli, you order Reuben, you get a fucking Reuben. You order a club, you get a club, you order a fucking turkey on rides. A turkey on rye. It's just what it is. And after all, is that all we want? Like, when you're in the mood for meatball sub, don't you just want a meatball sub? Sub? I am fucking telling you. You know what, Gary? I'll tell you where this started. I blame the Bay Area for all in Sonoma, Napa, for all our dietary woes over here and their fucking highfalutin dishes over there, fucking up all the traditional stuff. You can't get good Italian in Los Angeles anymore because they fucked everything up with pine nuts. But the extremely Italian, the diner started years ago in the Hard Rock in Vegas. What's it called? 247 or 711 or something with you.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that play. Yeah, 24 something.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a numerical name.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's first floor, hard rock, whatever. I ordered years ago. The huevos rancheros. Oh, maybe it's Mr. Lucky's. Yeah. 247 diner. Yeah, go on, find that menu. You, I want to see. I ordered the huevos rancheros. And when you're drunk and it's 3am and you've crapped out, there's nothing that looks better on that menu than huevos rancheros. It is just a greasy mess that's going to be. It's going to be. Here's the best thing on the menu, the thing you're going to wish you ate the least the next morning. And that's how you know. And huevos ranchero is what was on that. And this is over a decade ago.

[Dave Damaschek]

I'm going to be a bratwurst with gummy bears.

[Brian Bishop]

I grew up in Los Angeles, so I'm no stranger to the Mexican food. And I ordered the huevos rancheros. And out Comes the breakfast burrito. It's scrambled eggs. It's got a little chorizo. It's inside. It's wrapped up in a tortilla. And I said. I ordered huevos rancheros. And they said, yeah, that's how we do it. And I thought, why? Why? Wait a minute. This is. This is huevos ranchero's there. They've heard me.

[Allison Rosen]

They changed it. Tucker got to them.

[Brian Bishop]

Tucker. They're serving it the regular way now.

[Giovanni]

It's called Tucker's Huevos Rancheros.

[Brian Bishop]

I wanted a fucking tirade for years. Listen, they must add. Enough people fucking complain. This is not gonna fucking work.

[Dave Damaschek]

I want Allison to get the credit.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian listens to Drops, and then he's got a brain tumor.

[Giovanni]

It's all true.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. But either way, Allison's eyes bugged out of her head.

[Dave Damaschek]

Like, is. Is anyone gonna acknowledge that I said that line moments before, five seconds before?

[Allison Rosen]

It's okay. I just don't have the delivery that he has. That must be it.

[Dave Damaschek]

Just win some way.

[Giovanni]

I mean, that's part of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, they brought it back. I'm sorry. I was so busy reading the thing that there's Huevos rancheros. Exactly how it should be served. Two eggs, sunny side up, crispy tortillas, black beans, queso fresco, avocados, cheese, fresh cheese or whatever. Ranchera sauce. Yes. Hash. I like. I like with the hash brown sauce. Okay, now I want some.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know what? When I take a corn tortilla, here's a little pro tip, is take the tortilla and whatever you get, the egg, the salsa, the sausage, whatever, throw those. Throw a little bit of them hash browns right in there with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

It makes it sing.

[Brian Bishop]

That is sweet. All right, let's do one more, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, but let's talk about this. Would you rather eat corn tortillas or flour tortillas? Now, I know it has to do with what you're eating them with, etc.

[Brian Bishop]

Obviously, a burrito is flour, but I have a nice laugh at my wife's expense because she likes the corn. She likes the flour tortillas on, like, the soft tacos and stuff like that. And me and Olga from Guatemala have a nice hearty chuckle at that, because all the folks that are from that region of the world, it's corn tortillas for every. It's corn for everything. The flour's a binder. It holds food together. It's just a mummy sleeping bag for beef and cheese. That's all it is. It's a delivery system. For cheese and beef. But the tortilla has. The corn tortilla has a flavor to it. It doesn't get soggy and weird. It stands up to whatever the tomatoes. Spitting at it.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Do we agree?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh. Oh, I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

You like. Hold on. She likes mini corn. She likes the mini corn.

[Dave Damaschek]

Wow. I'm sorry. I don't need to hear anyone. As if I needed to hear any other thoughts on food from you after we. After how this show started with the soup.

[Brian Bishop]

She likes mini co. Corn doesn't like soup. She thinks architects are evil.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that is just science.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, so everything's invalid, but go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe Lynette and I have similar food tastes because I've got the same thing about the seeds and the raspberry jam and the flour tortillas.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, perhaps you two should move into a really small apartment together.

[Allison Rosen]

I wonder if that apartment will have a dishwasher, because here's a story about 11.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll send Olga over. Oh, you mean the machine. All right. Wait a minute. You like flour tortillas?

[Allison Rosen]

I do. I wouldn't kick a corn tortilla out of bed if I brought one with me.

[Brian Bishop]

See, to me, the corn tortilla adds one more flavor to the mix, whereas the flour doesn't add much to it.

[Allison Rosen]

But, you know, I think I've said before, if someone said you can eat whatever you want and you're not going to gain any weight, I'd want to be sitting. I think I said I would pour myself a bathtub full of cereal. But also. So I would eat.

[Brian Bishop]

Of all foods.

[Dave Damaschek]

Cereal.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just saying that'd be one of the things. But also caramel. Bread and butter is like my favorite thing. A vat. A vat. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

I like bread and butter. And flour tortillas are very.

[Dave Damaschek]

Bread like apples to dip into the caramel.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, what is our dishwasher story?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Yeah. Here are things that you should not put in your dishwasher. Danishek. Where are you with the dishwasher? Adam claims that men living alone don't use dishwashers. He doesn't really see the point of a dishwasher. It's extra work.

[Brian Bishop]

It's loading and unloading when I'm already at the sink.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, I think that you probably don't. In order to. If you're a single guy alone, it would take four months for the dishwasher to get filled up enough to ever run it right. You use the same two or three coffee mugs. You don't just.

[Brian Bishop]

My. My Argument. Yeah, I'm always. I'm not that particular, but the, like the coffee mug, I rinse it out pretty good and just sort of flip it over and turn it onto the dish rack like it had coffee. It has my germs on it. I've rinsed it with some hot water, and I'm just going to turn it over on the dish rack. I don't see any reason to get the suds and the heat and all that skillet.

[Dave Damaschek]

Don't soap up your skillet. Keep it that way. Let the flavors get in there. You know, 10 years from now, you talk about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, that skillet's going to make tastier food a decade after you buy it than from day one.

[Brian Bishop]

My big argument is, I'm already at the sink. I already got this, the hot water running. And I'm just gonna bus it. I'm just gonna finish cleaning it and put it onto the rack versus running the machine. Cause it's a loading and unloading. It's a calorie burn. It's a pain in the ass ball. Bryan's in love with this dishwasher, by the way.

[Giovanni]

I love dishwasher Tetris. That and I don't like the rack. I don't like the dishes sitting out. I want them away in their place and they can be washed and I'll unloaded when the time comes. Drying out.

[Brian Bishop]

I contend that 8 out of 10 guys who live alone never crack that thing open. Might not even know how to. When I lived alone up under the Hollywood sign, I don't think I even knew how to work mine. I only put it in because the realtor said, you want to sell the house one day, you need a dishwasher. But I never touched it. Now, this is if you have a party that's different, but if you're just.

[Dave Damaschek]

Alone, probably, yeah, Thanksgiving time. Sure. That's the point.

[Brian Bishop]

So the what, 11 days?

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Yeah. And by the way, I do enjoy the corn in an enchilada around the outside. So I, I like the corn flavor. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't put cast iron.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't put cast iron in there. Don't put good knives in there. See, we do put our good knives in the dishwasher crystal, you know, because I'm sure you guys have fine stemware. Don't put wooden utensils in there. This is my beef with wooden utensils or wooden bowls or any of that. They're hard to clean.

[Giovanni]

No one should have one.

[Brian Bishop]

Nonstick pans, they collect Germs.

[Giovanni]

They're porous.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know what you do with those? You put them in the microwave oven for. And it. It heats out all germs.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta eat or beat off. Like now.

[Allison Rosen]

Nonstick pans, copper pans. Soft and hard. Plastic. We put plastic stuff in ours.

[Giovanni]

Don't do it.

[Allison Rosen]

Disposable aluminum. Gold plated dishware. Okay. Queen of England insulated mugs. Put those in there. And anything with adhesives.

[Brian Bishop]

Insulated mug. I mean like travel mugs or something. Like plastic or something there, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Because it says the dishwasher won't dry. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

The space between the outer and the inner layer can be filled with water.

[Brian Bishop]

I avoid all this by never using the thing ever. I just rinse out everything and throw it away. I don't. Oh. Anyway. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen's a bit cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't always even use soap, do you?

[Brian Bishop]

No. For the dishes and whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No, we're. We're not. We.

[Allison Rosen]

I heard.

[Brian Bishop]

Believe just because he just said. Trust me. I know. Just rinse it out. We don't need soap on everything. We don't. You're gonna find. You've found. You don't need soap on your hair and you don't need it on your face. You don't need shave cream. You don't need it with your glasses.

[Dave Damaschek]

And you don't need lube on your wiener.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Dave Damaschek]

We've really covered a lot of glass liquids.

[Brian Bishop]

Hot water is fine. That'll take care of what else? Really the only reason. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Gels and lotion only.

[Dave Damaschek]

You don't care for soup.

[Brian Bishop]

The only. And by the way, if there's one. If you are going to beat off with a soup gazpacho, don't go with a hot soup. That's trouble. Ow. Here's what I do want to say. The only time, the only thing you really need to clean is the lipstick on the coffee mug. That does not come off. Or I've seen it go through the dishwasher too, where you're looking at the glass and you still see the lipstick mark on there.

[Allison Rosen]

Oftentimes you get serve someone else's lipstick glass.

[Brian Bishop]

I get that a lot. And that's going through like an industrial dishwasher. So since I'm not wearing kissing potion. I mean during the day, obviously, when I step out at night, it's a different atom. But I just rinse it. Warm water and just put it. All it had was coffee in it. It's not like, well, there's pesticides in there. And then, of course, you want to get that all taken out. And same with the plates, same with the bowls, same with everything. Set it up.

[Dave Damaschek]

A key move, though, is after you rinse it out with the water, just make sure you set it upside down.

[Brian Bishop]

So all that's what I do.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's it. If you leave it set up, then it doesn't smell right. No, no. Set it upside down.

[Brian Bishop]

People argue with me constantly, but I've never been sick in the last decade. All right, check everyone. Dave Damshek football program available on itunes.

[Dave Damaschek]

Ace. I feel unsatisfied, and I don't want to. I'm not trying to work it in here. Now, rather, before kickoff of the NFL season, of course, we have to do a creep of the week. We have to come in. We didn't do. Let's set the table. Although it's already been spoiled for us, the 2014 NFL season because we already know it's the Patriots and Rams in the Super Bowl.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. All right, we'll do a creep of the week before the first kickoff of the 2014 NFL season. Our live shows go to our website where all over the place and find out when we're coming to a town near you. So until next time, I'm crawler for Dave Damaschak, Allison Rosen, and ball Brian saying, mahalo, daddy, your wiener is you. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

That was adam Krulle Show 1377 with the great Dave Damaschek, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2014. That does it for pro classics. Until next time, mahalo and get it on.