Dave Dameshek + Lemmy Kilmister (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show – Carolla Classics: Dave Dameshek + Lemmy Kilmister

Release Date: December 5, 2025
Featured Classic Episodes: Adam Carolla Show #479 (2011, with Lemmy Kilmister), #482 (2011, with Dave Dameshek & Dennis Miller)

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Main Theme & Purpose

This Carolla Classics episode revisits two standout shows from 2011, showcasing quintessential “Adam Carolla Show” comedic riffing and unfiltered banter. The first segment welcomes Lemmy Kilmister, legendary Motörhead frontman, for a no-holds-barred talk on rock life, vices, and relationships. The second segment features sports/podcasting personality Dave Dameshek, a pre-recorded interview with comedian Dennis Miller, and signature Carolla ruminations on culture, sports, and comedy itself.

Expect:

• Hilarious “attack crows” and “made-up movie” bits
• Lemmy at his uncensored best
• Candid group conversations about monogamy, fatherhood, celebrity culture, and why Bob De Niro’s award speeches disappoint
• Deep dives into football, TV, and the psychology of comedy

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PART 1: Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister In Studio (Ep 479, 2011)

[00:51–13:47] Show Opens: Sports Talk & New Studio News

• Adam, Brian (“Bald Brian”), and Allison Rosen reflect on the recent Patriots loss and football’s heartbreaks.
• Adam discusses excitement about the podcast’s growth and new studio space.
• Brian introduces a recurring Adam riff: “Attack Crows as Law Enforcement” – suggesting crows would outperform police dogs due to intelligence and intimidation.
  • Quote – “Crows are mean, they’re smart, and it’s death from above…a group of them is called a murder!” — Brian Bishop [06:32]

[13:47–27:34] Pop Culture: Golden Globes & De Niro’s ‘Empty’ Speech

• Allison brings in news about the Golden Globes; Adam deconstructs Robert De Niro’s “Cecil B. DeMille Award” speech.
• Strong criticism that De Niro relied on ghostwritten jokes, showing little personal insight.
  • Quote – “That was eighteen jokes that somebody else wrote strung together and sort of semi-clumsily pushed through on a teleprompter…and then ‘Thank you!’ – and he sat down.” — Adam Carolla [26:24]
• Heated lament over celebrities and politicians using teleprompters rather than speaking authentically.

[27:34–53:04] Lemmy Joins – Lemmy the Legend

• Lemmy Kilmister arrives, immediately establishing his trademark style.
• Age & origins: Lemmy reveals he’s 65, spent his early years in North Wales, worked as a house painter and washing machine factory worker before music.
  • Quote – “Bad habits came easy to my generation. Smoking, drinking—was actually encouraged!” — Lemmy [55:06]
• Discusses the non-glamorous reality of his youth and blue-collar jobs.
• Lemmy shrugs off living hard: still looks great, enjoys plenty of vices, and simply “finds” women everywhere.
  • Pressed about his reputation for sleeping with 1,000+ women: “It’s not that many—a thousand. I’ve never been married…so, you work it out.” — Lemmy [66:38]
• Allison asks about monogamy:
  • Quote – “Oh no, God, no. What for? Marriage is a modern concept. If you want to be with someone, you’ll stay with them anyway.” — Lemmy [69:54]

[53:04–70:00+] Sex, Relationships, and Male Psychology

• Lively, frank talk on men, women, and the gender divide on sex and cheating:
  • Lemmy: Men and women “don’t think the same” about infidelity.
  • Adam and Brian argue that social expectations for men are unrealistically high in the modern family context.
  • Quote: “Men act, women plot. Hell hath no fury… and they never forget it.”—Lemmy [74:06]
• Lemmy gives wry life wisdom (with plenty of laughs from the co-hosts)—e.g., his thoughts on female jealousy, big-breasted women, and how modern expectations do not fit the evolutionary nature of men.

[63:35–65:59] Motorhead’s “Bye Bye” World Premiere

• New Motörhead album “The World is Yours” teased; Lemmy delivers a classic deadpan when asked about the song’s meaning.

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Notable Moments & Quotes (Part 1)

• Lemmy’s career longevity:
  • “No, nobody’s more surprised than me [about 36 yrs of Motörhead]…I started Motörhead at 30.” [53:33]
• On his look:
  • “I didn’t adopt it—I gave birth to it!” [53:51]
• On bad habits:
  • “Back in the day, smoking and drinking was actually encouraged. On TV they said—when I’m working on my car I like a Marlboro.” [55:13]
• On monogamy:
  • “If you want to be with somebody, you’ll stay with them. You don’t need a contract.” [69:54]
• On societal expectations of men:
  • “We haven’t changed from an evolutionary standpoint. Look at Lemmy: we haven’t changed at all.” — Adam Carolla [73:55]

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PART 2: Comedy, Sports, and the Essence of Funny (Ep 482, 2011)

[80:28–98:55+] Dave Dameshek & Dennis Miller: On Comedy, Podcasts, & Culture

• Dave Dameshek joins Adam for a sharply funny and self-aware segment.
• A pre-taped Dennis Miller interview digs into writing, comedy discipline, and SNL behind-the-scenes.
  • Quote – “My job description at SNL was to do daily events, and I gravitated towards this…If we’re ever going to have a discussion between groups, we have to let them know we’re hip to their bullshit.” — Dennis Miller [123:02]

[98:55–116:01] The Shape of Stand-Up & “Funny People”

• Intelligent dissection of why most people think they “get” humor (they don’t).
• Adam: “No one ever admits they have a bad sense of humor. They’ll admit they’re dumb or ugly, but not unfunny.” [85:13]
• Comedy as a club: everyone thinks they’re in, but only a few are truly funny.

[116:01–142:28] Sports, SNL, and Dennis Miller’s Career

• Adam and Dennis riff on the business, SNL auditions, their writing processes.
  • Miller: “I get paid to not be caught out and come up with some metaphors here and there. That’s my monkey trick.” [127:16]
• Lovingly reminisce about classics like Phil Hartman, John Candy, and more.
• Dennis on comedy and politics:
  • “If I’m the politician in this country, this country’s really fucked up. That’s just the truth. I’m a comedian.” [124:42]

[142:28–166:29] News, Audience Q&A, and Further Musings

• Fan-favorite bits: “Made Up Movie,” including a conspiracy thriller about a murder fantasy website (“death.com”).
• Football, commercials, and how TV ads depict dumb men.
• Deep, raucous, male banter about being self-aware, self-delusional (“the Kardashian Effect”), and picking actors for their own hypothetical biopic.

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Notable Quotes (Part 2)

• Dennis Miller on SNL auditions:
  • “You have eight minutes. Go ahead…You lock it down, the whole purpose is to see if you flinch.” [126:25]
• Adam on telling the truth (re: “I’m gay” and celebrity admissions):
  • “All we want is the truth and then we move on…Once they go ‘I’m gay,’ it’s like getting your Pete Rose All Star answer. You’re like, okay, fine—moving on.” [147:37]
• Adam on self-delusion in pop culture:
  • “Khloé Kardashian doesn’t seem to be aware she is a beast, and I resent her for not being self-aware because I torture myself.” — channeling Dave Dameshek [164:42]
• The “attack crows” thread (lighter memorable moment):
  • “Crows would be better than canine units—they’re mean, smart, black, and angry…let them fall on someone’s head!” [06:54]

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Important Timestamps & Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Key Content | |:--|:--|:--| | 00:51 | SPORTS, “Attack Crows” | Classic Carolla rants; Brian’s crow theory | | 13:47 | De Niro’s Golden Globe | Awards show sincerity vs. “pro” comedian skill | | 27:34 | Lemmy Kilmister joins | Lemmy’s early life, vices, views on monogamy | | 53:35 | Motorhead “Bye Bye” | New track, Lemmy’s approach to music | | 66:10 | Lemmy on women | Discussing his (thousands of) encounters | | 69:54 | Monogamy & relationships | Lemmy, Adam & Brian on gender & fidelity | | 80:28 | Dameshek segment begins | Sports/comedy crossover; Dennis Miller pre-tape | | 98:55 | Comedy as “smart club” | Why no one admits a bad sense of humor | | 116:01 | The business of comedy | SNL & Miller’s process, humility | | 142:28 | News, Fan Q’s, “Death.com” | Classic listener engagement, more riffing | | 147:37 | Admitting truths | Adam’s thesis on “coming out” in public life |

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Tone & Style

The tone is quintessential Carolla: candid, quick-witted, self-deprecating, and often blue. Lemmy matches Adam blow-for-blow on brutal honesty and off-color humor. Dameshek and Miller add sharper edges of social commentary and nerdy comedic insight. The episode zigzags between anecdotes, pop philosophy, and pure bits—even as it manages insightful takes on relationships, masculinity, celebrity, and comedy itself.

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Concluding Thoughts

This Carolla Classics episode is a hall-of-fame showcase of what’s made the show endure: outrageous ideas (“attack crows”), brutally real talk on sex and culture, offbeat interviews with icons like Lemmy, and intelligent comedic analysis with guests like Dameshek and Miller. Irreverent, long-winded, and often brilliant, it’s a must-listen for fans of old-school podcasting done right.

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Key Listening Recommendation:
If you’re looking for the heart of the episode, focus on:

• [27:34–70:00+] — Lemmy in studio (sex/drugs/rock stories, monogamy debate)
• [80:28–116:01] — Dave Dameshek with Dennis Miller (comedy, culture, football)

Notable Quote to Sum Up:
“I don’t know what the stigma is about screwing—hardly the worst thing to do is to give a person an orgasm, is it?” — Lemmy Kilmister [69:38]

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, super fan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16.

[Brian Bishop]

Years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics available exclusively through podcast1dotplus. Sign up and get access to the entire archive of the show. Commercial free dating back to the original.

[Brian Bishop]

Episodes, hosted by myself and Chris.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you'd like to access the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, or get exclusive access to the brand.

[Brian Bishop]

New podcast Beat it out, make sure.

[Adam Carolla]

To check out Adam Carolla substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com now on.

[Brian Bishop]

To the clips coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

First, we have Adam Carolla show 479. This one's from all the way back in 2011. We have Lemmy Killmeister for Motorhead, along with Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. Hope you guys enjoy this episode.

[Brian Bishop]

Get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on man date get it on Good day, bald Brian. Yeah. Oh, Bill Simmons.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta put him on suicide watch.

[Brian Bishop]

Dear Tom Brady, my guts hurt inside.

We were supposed to run the table. We had the home field advantage.

We won 27 straight games at home and now we've been humiliated by an airplane. And by the way, let me say this to all you goddamn New England fans. First off, I'm glad you guys lost. And secondly, I shit you not, this is not Good day Allison Rosen. By the way.

This is not revisionist history. When my Rams played your. And you're gonna call me not a fan for this, but I'm gonna call me a human being. When my Rams played your Patriots in 01, I think it was. Maybe it was 02. 01 and your Patriots won at the end January.

[Adam Carolla]

02.

[Brian Bishop]

I was. Am. Yeah, well, 01 season 02. Right. I was ambivalent about it. Like, I thought to myself, you know, the Rams had come off, they won the year before. So we had one. And I don't.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Two years before.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd always. Oh, wasn't. It wasn't the year before they won.

[Adam Carolla]

99 and then the Ravens won in a huge.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm going to call you.

[Brian Bishop]

They've been good for several.

[Adam Carolla]

They've been good for a couple years. They've been a dominant team.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right. You're right.

I had always liked the Patriots because they just didn't. They're Sort of a. I like their uniforms. I like some of their players. And they've. They've always been a frustrating team. They've never won anything, really. They got. They played the Bears in the super bowl and were destroyed. They were completely just, just, just drawn and quartered. So when the Patriots beat the Rams in 02, I remember thinking, I would have liked to see my team win, but my team won two years ago. And these guys have been pecking away for 40 years and they've never won. And they got killed by the Bears 20, 30 years ago. And I thought, you know what, Give.

[Adam Carolla]

Them the win and the 911 thing and like, they're the Patriots and everything happened four months before.

[Dennis Miller]

So.

[Brian Bishop]

So all I'm saying is, and I know there's not a human being that hails from that area that shares this. The jets won what, the first Super Bowl?

[Adam Carolla]

Super Bowl? Three.

[Brian Bishop]

Three or the third? That's right, the run. You know, Joe Namath and all that. The jets haven't won a Super bowl in 40 something years. Give them a break. It's been 40 years.

[Adam Carolla]

They're due.

[Brian Bishop]

They've been 40 years.

[Allison Rosen]

It's. I.

[Brian Bishop]

If it's the Steelers, I completely understand, but the Jets. Joe Namath was sober, didn't have a gray hair, you know, was doing pantyhose commercials the last time they won.

[Adam Carolla]

It's been, it was a long time ago.

[Brian Bishop]

It's been 40 years for one team and the other team has won four in the last seven years or whatever. Eight years, whatever it is. Okay. All right, guys, come on. Let the team that hasn't won in 40 years possibly go on to win one.

[Allison Rosen]

I think they.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, you know the Steelers are going to win their seventh, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I think they would appreciate your empathy, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

I thank you. I like the way you agree with me. All right, number two. I spent the day with me and my assistant Jay at the warehouse laying out the new facility for Ace Broadcasting.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not the warehouse.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a warehouse, but hopefully it's onward and upward where we'll have our own offices, not you guys. And multiple studios and edit bays and all that. And I was literally snapping lines on the concrete and laying out the track for the metal stud. Doing a little commercial style work. Yeah, those lines. And either way, I was laying out our, our new facility, so I'm very excited about that.

[Adam Carolla]

And Allison and I share a cubicle.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's stacked.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you want top or bottom?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't care.

[Brian Bishop]

The point. I've arrived and I'm just Telling you guys this and I'm saying two things. Thank you guys for listening and sticking with us. And again, we. We're making a little investment in the future and we're going to grow the show. And in return, we ask that you listen to show to the show. But most importantly, tell a friend you got someone you work with who digs this kind of stuff. Turn them on to it, subscribe for them, hit the computer up, figure it out.

[Allison Rosen]

Tell two friends. Why stop at just one?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Tell two friends. Because there's going to be a lot of lazy fucks that don't tell one friend. Yeah, smart. All right, we have much to get to. I. Somebody. I was. I was. Somebody sent me this Twitter tweet on online thing and article online and people. Brian, I hope you've known me for a while, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

I say a lot of things in the response to the lot of things that I say are, okay, yeah, it's a good one. I do that bit. Do that bit on the attack. Crows do your bit on the attack rows. And I tell people it's not a bit.

[Adam Carolla]

No one's ever said that, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they haven't? No. They've been like, police, stop talking about the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Give out the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, oh, no, no. Enough work for her. I just mean people on the street. People on the street. No. Program director. No. So I've had stuff like there should be heated sofas so we don't have to heat the whole house. I've had dogs that could sniff out venereal disease and cancer and they all sort of come to fruition 10 years down. But I'm looked at as somewhere between a heretic and a retard. A heretard. Before I looked at as a heritage. A retic, I think heretard.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's better.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm looked at as a heretic beforehand and I've been yelling for 10 years. Crows would be your greatest. Much better than a canine unit. Crows are mean, they're smart, and it's death from above. Like, you know, a dog can bark all at once. But crows coming down on someone's head, Right. Basically, the scenario is this.

You could use them. They could follow the President around. They could follow the cops. Cops could. Well, first off, a group of them is called a murder, number one. Number two, they're black and scary and they make a ton of noise. And number three, if someone's holding a gun or a machete and they're out in a parking lot and they're getting In a standoff with lapd, when eight crows come at your head, you must drop said machete and run.

[Allison Rosen]

Better than a rape whistle.

[Brian Bishop]

10 times better than rape whistle. And what if you kill a crow during the process?

[Allison Rosen]

There's like a million other ones.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a million other ones that take their place. As opposed to shooting Rin Tin Tin.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

No one has a beloved, loyal crow.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's not. You don't talk. So I'm a little bummed out. What happened? Crow died today, right?

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, my crow has cancer.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's gonna be 4,000.

[Brian Bishop]

My crow needs hip replacement. It's 4 grand. We think about putting them down, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't take out the insurance. I'm a pro. I should have.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Bond villain stuff. By the way, what's up today? My crow died.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's how the attack crows would work. They're smarter and shit, they're the smartest birds around. You would train those crows. They would. You would put some sort of like rainbow tape circle on the roof of your car when you flew or when you drew drove. They would fly as the crows fly as they do. They would follow your car from above when you went to the liquor store. I'll give you an example. Tonight my car's on empty. It's on empty. And I got to stop at a gas station before I get home. And it's going to be dark and it's going to be light. I know somebody should be taking buckets of gas and pouring them nay silk slippers of gas and pouring it into my tank. But instead, like a. Like a regular person, like a little person, I have to go fill my own tank. You know what? It. Don't get me started on me.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Point is this. I will then be standing outside in a not so great part of town at 10 o' clock at night, pumping away my gasoline.

[Allison Rosen]

You famous?

[Brian Bishop]

Famous. And some hoodlums could come up to me. Where would my attack crows be in this scenario? Will they just be sitting on top of the canopy waiting for me to.

[Allison Rosen]

Start the car again, Standing sentinel?

[Brian Bishop]

Some guy came on, started to threaten me a little, get a little rough. Boom. Crows right on the head. As a matter of fact, I'd just be laughing. Like if a guy pulled a knife and went like, come on, Jew fro. I'd just be like, 5, 4, 3. And then a bunch of crows would hit the guy in the head. All right, here's the article that the guy said again.

[Allison Rosen]

It's Brilliant. It is brilliant.

[Brian Bishop]

They can fly 30 miles an hour. They can just. You think about your commute, where you're going. Why can't the crows? All you'd have to do is feed them. They'd be.

[Allison Rosen]

What the hell are they doing anyway?

[Brian Bishop]

It's not like they're shitting on things.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Crows recognize individual human faces.

[Allison Rosen]

They are smart.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And can hold a grudge if you treat them badly.

[Allison Rosen]

Huh.

[Brian Bishop]

And the other thing is they can. They use tools. Like if they have a nut they need to crack, they'll drop it in the road and let a car run over it and then eat the contents of the shell. Yes. Field biologists.

[Adam Carolla]

Have I told you that story five years ago?

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like we're going to be replaced by crows. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

We might.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you tell Allison that story five years ago?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Dave Damaschek]

But you did not swarm crows.

[Brian Bishop]

Field biologists have observed that wild crows seem to recognize them, and this ability has been shown to last up to three years. Fucking mean and smart. Everything you want.

[Allison Rosen]

But then it just resets after three years.

[Brian Bishop]

The birds pay close attention to human behavior and which individuals could potentially pose a threat to them. Scientists have gone to extremes, such as wearing masks whenever they capture a band of crows. But the crows soon were able to remember which mass had invaded their territory. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm dubious.

[Brian Bishop]

Caveman mask or former former president Vice President Dick Cheney. But either way, they could tell who the troublemaker. I'm just saying these things are smart. They're abundant, they're black, and they're angry. Let them fall on someone's head.

[Allison Rosen]

Why is it got to be the.

[Brian Bishop]

Black crow in the night? That's when the crime goes down.

[Allison Rosen]

In the thick of inky night.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Mm. I'm just saying, how good would you feel about walking your dog at night, going down to the corner, get a quart of milk or whatever, knowing that somewhere just above you, five to eight crows just buzzing around.

[Allison Rosen]

Better. It's better than God.

[Adam Carolla]

You give him a knowing nod and a wink as you walk past me. That's right. Crows.

[Allison Rosen]

And better than. You're like you kiss and put your palm up and it's better than gps. Actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right. My tack rose and I say one day, this will happen. Well, what? I mean, how about the drones? How about these unmanned drones that are killing all the terrorists? That's just basically something hovering around, finding a bad guy and dropping a hellfire missile out on their fucking turbine. What is this? This is the same thing. This is just the Organic version of the drone.

[Allison Rosen]

It's better. Like. Like an idea I have is instead of drug sniffing dogs, why not drug sniffing drug addicts? Because you know, who knows how to find drugs and who's caring better than any sort of animal, right?

[Dave Damaschek]

But is a drug addict.

[Brian Bishop]

That is the greatest story I have ever heard. But the drug sniffing beagle does not try to keister the kilo of heroin before it leaves. Because the drug sniffing drug addict would go, nothing in this duffel bag. And then you'd go, where are you going with that duffel bag? Nowhere. Well, that's gonna throw it in the trunk of my car.

[Allison Rosen]

That's when you have your crows on top of. That's where they come in.

[Brian Bishop]

My murder of crows.

[Allison Rosen]

Your murder of crows.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I want to tell you about my good friends over at Go to my PC. Have problems getting to work. How about the snow? How about just the distractions at the office? Oh, the women with their heaving bosoms distracting you and your penis from your work.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't get anything done.

[Brian Bishop]

How about you stay home on the computer where there's almost no. Oh, wait a minute. They live there. Yeah. How about you check out Go to my PC, brought to you by Citrix. Securely access everything on your office computer, even the programs from anywhere. Cafe, library, anywhere. God forbid you're at a library. Let's just keep it at home. Works on the PC and the Mac. Go to Try My PC Free. How about I should say, try Go to my PC, Swap that around. See my crows? Wouldn't have let that happen. There's a special 45 day free trial only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit. Go to my PC.com. try it free. That's right. Click on the Try it Free button. And remember, use the promo code Adam. Go to my PC. All right. Now, let's see. Allison, you got some news?

[Allison Rosen]

I do.

[Brian Bishop]

You got some Golden Globes stuff?

[Allison Rosen]

I do.

[Brian Bishop]

I got De Niro's speech.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know if you had De Niro's speech.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Actually, I'd like to listen to it almost in its entirety because I've said this many times. But again, your. Your ears are brand new. Brian will tell you or test it. I've said this many times. I've always thought De Niro sort of a savant and a great actor and a super talented guy, but I always thought he was a little bit dull. Like, I didn't think it was a smart guy. And I thought the reason a guy like Baldwin hosts Saturday Night Live 23 times. Is sort of. Because he can. He's good at it. He knows he's good at it. For Christ's sake. He does Charles Nelson Riley better than Charles Nelson Riley. And the reason he's on all the talk shows and all stuff. And when I see a celebrity that always avoids the talk shows and mostly voids. I know he hosted snl, probably contractually obliged to do it for meet the Fockers 5 or whatever it was. But the point is, I always thought he's a little bit of a dim bulb. And then when he gets interviewed, and I have the same suspicion about my wife's beloved Bruce Springsteen, you know, whenever they put a mic in front of him, they just say, you know, there's a lot of good people that are out of work. But you never go, that's fucking funny or that sharp. Or, you know what, man? The Boss. Clever fucking funny. I had never thought of that. De Niro gets by on being De Niro. It's like, I am De Niro. So the less I talk, the more De Niro I am and the better shape I'm in. He got the Cecil B. Mill award for, I don't know, lifetime achievement. Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award. And he had some guy named Marty write him a bunch of jokes. And then he went up there and read the teleprompter and just told a bunch of jokes, and I just missed the part. You know, it's. It's the Golden Globes. You've won the lifetime achievement award. How about you be a human being? Like, really? Let's A, I want to hear what you have to say. Not, I don't want you to read the teleprompter. B, if you are gonna read the teleprompter, why don't you have it be some of your words or some of your experiences or something? He just got up there and essentially did a monologue like a Late Night host. And then when he was done, he was like, yeah, this is great. Some of the jokes were funny. At the end, he sort of got lost a little in the teleprompter. But you can always tell when people are reading a teleprompter because he said the Cecil B. DeMille when everyone calls him Cecil B. DeMille. But if you're reading it, it would read Cecil. But it's like, come on, Bobby, it's a lifetime achievement award. Like, if Tom Hanks had done it, you really would have gotten something. I don't feel like I Got anything out?

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think it's nerves or do you think it's not wanting to put in the effort to actually say anything heartfelt?

[Brian Bishop]

I think the guy's a serious stoner. I think he's not that bright. Although he's obviously great at what. He has a gift. It's like, I don't know. Was Jimi Hendrix smart? I don't know. But he could play the guitar and that's really all that mattered. And I think he gets. He finds a joke writer and somebody like Jeff Ross wrote a comedy speech for him. Although somebody should have been thinking it's sort of weird to have this legend up there sort of roasting right. Doing powder, doing patter. And let's just. Let's just listen to it.

[Dennis Miller]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Unknown Guest]

Thank you.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Thank you.

[Dennis Miller]

Waiting.

[Brian Bishop]

He did it.

Brad and Angelina got shown. They cut to them like 145 times.

[Dave Damaschek]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Time has passed.

I guess we could have picked it up from this point. I just want to tell my crack production staff need the 20 minutes inside back.

[Allison Rosen]

He said that in its entirety.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right. Thank you. My bad.

[Unknown Guest]

And I loved you in the Fighter.

I know. It won't be long before Matt Damon is up here receiving his own Cecil B. DeMille Award.

And it will be my honor to present it to him if I'm still alive.

So. And I plan to be around for a long time, hopefully.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

So.

[Brian Bishop]

Mumbles is probably the part that's not on teleprom.

[Unknown Guest]

But don't wait now. They. They skipped ahead with my.

[Brian Bishop]

That.

[Unknown Guest]

Thank you for the success. I was very, very moved and gratified when you made the announcement two months ago, well before you had a chance to review little.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

I saw those. It's okay. We all have our jobs to do. Thank you for your tireless work in promoting our industry all over the world.

Thank you.

And the important thing is that we are all in this together. The filmmakers who make the movies and the Hollywood Foreign Press association members who inspire turn pose for pictures with the movie stars.

[Brian Bishop]

They're funny jokes. It's just. They're just jokes that somebody wrote.

[Unknown Guest]

Members of the foreigners tonight. But many of them were deported right before the show.

Along with most of the waiters.

[Brian Bishop]

But for the.

[Unknown Guest]

For the rest of you, I hope your papers are in order because Homeland Security will be checking them just as soon as they're through with the full body scans of Megan Fox.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, stop it for a second.

[Unknown Guest]

I want to thank Dick Clarkson for that.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, first off, Megan Fox name should not come Up. I know you have a Transformers boner for her, but Megan Fox's name, Robert.

[Allison Rosen]

De Niro, that transforms Robert.

[Brian Bishop]

Damn right it is Robert. To a dump truck. Robert De Niro should not know who Megan Fox is. And I would bet Robert De Niro doesn't know who Megan Fox is. I bet whoever wrote that joke after they're doing a full body scan of. By the way, that joke's three months late. But Bobby De Niro, come on, you're a legend. Accept your war. Tell us a story.

[Allison Rosen]

It's degrading.

[Brian Bishop]

And Brian's over there dying to disagree.

[Adam Carolla]

With me as.

Shocked that like in the past, remember specifically when Steven Spielberg won a couple years ago, it was very heartfelt and look how far we've come. And all this stuff about look how far I've come. And. And this is weird to hear. Sort of a. So we'll say I fell in line with Ricky Gervais. You know what I mean? Like, he raised the bar with the whole sort of turning it from presenter into roast, from host into roaster, right? Like everyone felt like, oh, the comedy bar has been raised. Got to crack some jokes and.

[Brian Bishop]

But I mean, just like.

[Allison Rosen]

But I doubt that he then like all of a sudden whipped out this speech that is in the teleprompter already.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, but I feel like with brick at your face.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but still.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but still.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. See, we beat him on that one. But if he says, yeah, but still, it's always a.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. That's what I'm saying. He's telling jokes about body scanning and hot 22 year old chicks who he's never met or worked with. And it's just like, come on, Bobby, let's tell me about your parents. Tell me about growing up. The dreams of a young boy, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

Anything personal to him.

[Brian Bishop]

Give me a Joe Pesci story here. You know, give me something. But. All right, here we go. Played on. Thank you.

[Unknown Guest]

Pull off false modesty after that.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Unknown Guest]

Raging bull, Goodfellas, Godfather 2, Awakenings. You know, Awakenings was one of my favorite movies. Great performance by Robin Williams.

I just completely forgot that I was in it. But there were a lot of my movies missing from the presentation. There would have to be. They have to be. When you condense a four decade career into three minutes, I look at it and think, right.

[Brian Bishop]

I have no idea what he said. Nice.

[Unknown Guest]

We all know that's not the story though. There were other films though, lots of them. And I kind of wish they'd been included, too. I think you would have enjoyed seeing a few seconds of Stanley and Iris. Everybody. Everybody's fine. Frankenstein, Marvin's room. Stone. Some of you would. Would be seeing them for the first time.

Most. Most of you would be seeing him for the first time.

[Brian Bishop]

He's kind of getting lost.

Like. Or is sort of getting bored with his own prompt.

[Unknown Guest]

Along with this award, I'm announcing a DVD box set of all the work. Of all my work, so that if you. You've missed, say, Jackknife the first time around, you'll be able to catch up.

[Allison Rosen]

He doesn't even know what he's saying.

[Unknown Guest]

And I'll be selling him in in the lobby right after I post for some more.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

Look, don't get some guy named Fat Marty to punch up your. Get up there and tell me you've had 45 years in the industry, and I just don't think there's anything there. That's my whole point. Like, if there was a more substantial human being, a more substantial human being would have said, wow, this is a seminal moment in my life, and this is a big deal. And there's 17 million people watching. And I'm not just gonna farm this out for some equivalent of Mike lynch, albeit a lot funnier, but equivalent. Mike lynch punch. Punch something up and then just shove it in the Teleprompter, and I'll work it out when I get on stage. I. Come on, give. Let's talk. Talk from the heart. I want to say this to presidents, by the way, and politicians, too. Drop the fucking teleprompter for a second and talk like a human being.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's profoundly awkward. You know, he stalked, allegedly, Whitney Houston back in the 80s.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Look it up. I know you won't look it up. Have someone look it up for him.

[Brian Bishop]

He's got. Costner was there to put an end to that.

Little bodyguard Bodyguard humor.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. The Big Bird. Took you a minute to get that one, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

It did.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

It's still taking me. No, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah, I agree. So you just think that he's kind of like a lot of actors, perhaps?

[Brian Bishop]

I think there's not much there. I think he's intellectually sort of a dim bulb. I think he smokes a ton of weed. At least somebody told me he did. And I think he gets a lot of mileage out of being Bobby De Niro. But when you put the mic in front of him and he gets hit with the light. And he's not playing a character. There's not much there. And maybe that's important to me. That's important element for a lot of actors. And maybe it's very rare that there's a Baldwin or Tom Hanks. But beyond all of this, I just felt. And I'm not. Hello, we's here. Got to look her up, too. While you're Googling people. I'm just saying I found it to be weirdly inappropriate. Like, don't have somebody write you a bunch of jokes as clearly, none of those are his jokes. Fine. If you want to open with a couple of jokes, open with a couple of jokes and then get into the moment, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It's like, it's not a surprise to him that he was getting this award. He knew ahead of time you'd think that he would have something meaningful to use your word chambered.

[Brian Bishop]

He went through the entire speech. And we'll keep it going without ever really saying anything. We're three quarters of the way in. He's talking about selling box sets of jackknife out in the lobby.

[Allison Rosen]

He could win a windy.

[Brian Bishop]

Mmm, that's true. Here we go.

[Unknown Guest]

Is that the fat ladies like my children, except that my children are more expensive and you can't remake them in 3D to push up the grosses.

You do the best you can with your children. You do the best you can making movies. At a certain point, you just have to let both of them go and hope for the best.

It's up to the audiences to decide if it's entertainment, the critics to decide if it's good.

[Brian Bishop]

He looks like he's trying to read if it's hard.

[Unknown Guest]

And for the children, you just hope the movies do well enough so you can keep them in private schools.

Thank you for this. Thank you very much.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. He managed to get through a lifetime achievement award without, like, if, if, if. If you were getting married and that guy delivered your best man speech and. Or the best man speech and that was it. You'd be kind of like, come on. Don't just write down a bunch of jokes on a cocktail napkin and then sit back down again. I want to hear something that comes from the heart a little bit, you know, that was 18 jokes that somebody else wrote strung together and sort of semi clumsily pushed through on a teleprompter. And then, thank you very much. And he sat down. I thought I'd hear a fucking story about Scorsese or something or not even knowing or, you know, I, you know, I thought I was going to be a pipe thing.

[Allison Rosen]

I know nothing more about him. Except that he doesn't read the teleprompter that well.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. And by the way, whoever wrote those jokes did a good job technically writing jokes, but should have said, you know what? Not quite appropriate for this. Tell a couple. But then how about you tell a story when we can flesh that out. But let's hear that anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear him call Martin Scorsese. Marty.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe Pesci. Joey.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so are we here to. We can. Can we agree? Sort of soulless and kind of. Kind of vapid, kind of knob? Like, not much. Nothing going on or just stoned off his ass or something. That was. But that wasn't. You know, it wasn't like he did a guest spot and Glee. That was a lifetime achievement. That is his life. That's. You're being inducted into the NFL hall of Fame and you don't say anything? I know.

[Allison Rosen]

He saves his material for the Oscars.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm just saying, he just told 18 sort of hackney jokes and sat down.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Weird, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Plus, it's painful when non comedians try to be comedians.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. All right, where were.

She's hella old. That's who Heloise is. Heloise wrote a book on etiquette.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that Heloise, that.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello. I know. He thought it was mayonnaise.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Mixed with mustard.

All right. Shall we. Should we do a little news? Sure, yeah. Let's do that. Live from the International News center, next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news. Allison Rosen, by the way, pardon the pun, but let me know when Lemmy shows up.

[Allison Rosen]

He's here.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, is he here?

Are you looking at Lemmy or are you looking at.

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, he passed through to the other room out there.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh. Oh, he is here. Okay. Sometimes rock and roll doesn't always run on time. So I just wanted to make sure I knew. Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like rock and roll was early tonight.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's all right.

[Allison Rosen]

Just wanted to know, do you want to talk more about the Golden Globes or are you done?

[Brian Bishop]

Whatever you want.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Well. So evidently, Ricky Gervais didn't get.

This whole thing. Again, did not get the memo that we in here have passed around, which is that you don't have to make fun of someone to be. Because his opening monologue at Sunday's 68th annual Golden Globes was pretty scathing and was met with mixed reviews. And we have a clip.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Unknown Guest]

Press association.

[Brian Bishop]

It was A big year for 3D movies.

[Dave Damaschek]

Toy Story, Despicable Me, Tron.

[Brian Bishop]

Seems like everything this year was three dimensional except the characters in the Tourist.

I. I feel bad about that joke.

[Dave Damaschek]

No, I'll tell you why I'm jumping.

[Unknown Guest]

On the bandwagon, because I haven't even seen the Tourist.

[Brian Bishop]

Who has.

[Dave Damaschek]

But no, you can be funny without.

[Brian Bishop]

Making fun of someone, so shut up. Okay.

[Unknown Guest]

And I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumor going round that the only reason the Tourist was nominated was so the Hollywood Foreign Press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

[Brian Bishop]

That is. That is rubbish.

[Unknown Guest]

That is not the only reason. They also accepted bribes.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. And then later.

[Brian Bishop]

That wasn't funny enough, though. I mean, they also accepted bribes. But I like Ricky Gervais and I like to see him just go up there and, you know, take the piss. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I was thinking about this earlier today. Do you think that a lot of this is the result of last year? His best joke, and Evan remembers, was the Mel Gibson joke. So much so that they were. NBC was promoting the Golden Gloves by saying, oh, Ricky Gervais is back. And they replayed the joke from last year. There's an emphasis get like, sort of like producers saying, hey, man, that went over really well.

[Dennis Miller]

Amp up.

[Adam Carolla]

Amp up the. The roast humor a little bit. It seemed like there's a lot more of that than usual each other for three and a half hours.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure. Right. Anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Robert. No, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

First off, it's one of those. It's right up there with NFL long snapper. It's kind of a no win situation, whether you're hosting the Oscars, the Emmys at Golden Globes or whatever. It's just, it's really hard to have everyone go, oh, he did a great job. Like, I've always been surprised when I saw, like Jon Stewart host. When he hosts the Oscars and, and like, you know, we have the same agent and the next day it's like all the bad reviews are pouring in. It's like, what bad reviews?

[Dennis Miller]

I watched it.

[Brian Bishop]

He did a great job.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Rickard Gervais did a good job. I just think everyone's reacting. Everyone in Holly was reacting negatively because it was much more than, you know, a wank off fest, but it usually is. Yeah, he was actually kind of cutting.

[Brian Bishop]

It's fun.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, we even have Robert Downey Jr. Commenting on.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, and I love Robert.

[Allison Rosen]

We have that clip, I believe.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. The antithesis of Bobby De Niro. Go ahead.

[Unknown Guest]

He has done all those films, but many of you in this room probably.

[Brian Bishop]

Know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic, Los Angeles County Jail.

[Dave Damaschek]

Please Welcome Robert Downey Jr.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Aside from.

[Brian Bishop]

The fact that it's been hugely mean.

[Dave Damaschek]

Spirited with mildly sinister undertones, I say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far.

[Unknown Guest]

Wouldn't you?

[Brian Bishop]

By the way? He is a real dude. Like, he's done Loveline a few times and he's just a. You interview that guy, Robert Downey Jr. You're like, this is a substantial dude.

[Adam Carolla]

He's Iron man dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And he's one of these guys that could probably do anything. Like, if he wanted to do stand up, he'd be a great stand up. If he wanted to just do Shakespeare, he'd be great at that. You know, he's just good. And I love that guy.

[Allison Rosen]

He's an example to me of why I'm drawn to the wrong kind of person. Because I'm very drawn to him.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, well, he's. He's back in the day, wizardly talented.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, so anyway, the Hollywood Foreign Press association president, Philip Burke has remained mum on whether Gervais will be invited back next year. Most people think probably not. But he said that some of the things he said were totally unacceptable.

[Brian Bishop]

Unacceptable. Look, first off, what the fuck are you guys doing? Curing aids or are you just making semi crappy movies and TV shows?

[Allison Rosen]

Insulting Hollywood legends is apparently what he's doing.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. In this Jane lynch thing will never go away. Like, I mean, Glee and Jane Lynch. Like, I feel like Jane. Jane lynch played a part in my independent film.

[Allison Rosen]

I saw your independent film. I know.

[Brian Bishop]

I did not kiss her ass nearly enough. She's perfectly one of the nicest women I've ever met. But Jesus Christ, it's like every time there's an award show, it's just I just walking by the tv like, Jane lynch from Glee. Like, here it is just Glee. Is Glee that good?

I know Jane Lynch. Jane lynch is marvelously talented. Like, she's a really talented person. But is she that great? Is her character that great? Are the writers that great? Is Glee. Glee that great? Like, it's just. I'm no Lynch. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm no Glee. That's what the fans call themselves.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

But people who like it are super into it. And I mean, her character is just kind of fun and evil.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

All right?

[Adam Carolla]

Remember, I made the case for her being the most underpaid actress in Hollywood because everything she does gets better as a result of her being in it, right? Seems that way. Like her her senior movie was fantastic. One of the best scenes in the movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm glad you liked it. And she was great. Like, she knew she owned it. Like, she had a whole bunch of technical stuff to remember, and she memorized it. It was a little shitty independent film, and I don't know why she even gave a shit. And she was there, and she was ready to go, and she was nice as hell, and her bitchy agent wouldn't let. She had to go uncredited because every agent's horrible in this town. But she was sweet, and she was right there and never complained or any of that.

[Allison Rosen]

And now you're begrudging her her moment in the sun. Moments.

[Brian Bishop]

Moments. No, I'm. I'm happy for. But I just mean it's just Glee, Glee, Glee. Whenever there's an award show, it's just nothing but Glee.

[Allison Rosen]

There's also a lot of social network.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. And it couldn't happen. Oh, by the way, I had a weird little moment. I was sitting around on Sunday, day of the Golden Globes. It was about noon, and I was looking at Jesse Eisenberg's email that he sent me.

[Allison Rosen]

He sent you an email?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, because I told him to. I was standing. I was standing backstage at the Tonight show, just chatting with him. And not backstage, but backstage backstage, like, in front of his dressing room. And we're just talking. And I asked him if he was in town and where he said he lived in New York and blah, blah, blah. And I said, you know, Christoph Waltz came in and sat down with us, and I said, kristoff, next time I see you, you'll be holding the. Holding the Oscar. And he laughed. He was a gentleman, all that stuff. And next time he came back in town, sure enough, he's holding the Oscar. So I said, you know, Jesse, you want an Oscar this year? Come by and do the podcast and we'll give you some of the mojo. And he was a real sweet guy, real nice guy. I almost want to call him a kid because he's young, but he was sweet, and he said he was fan and blah, blah, blah. And I said, well, okay. I said, why don't you give me your email and, you know, we'll exchange information and, you know, when you're in town, come by and do the podcast. So it's straight. And that was a couple of weeks ago, and it was just sitting on my computer, just said, jesse. And it's just his email. And so he just emailed me his email. So I was just sitting around, sort of sitting on my computer. And then yesterday or Sunday, about noon, I was just sitting around, I was looking at his thing, and I thought, huh, I bet he's in town for the Golden Globes. He must be in town. They must be.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I'm.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm stupid. Like, I didn't know they were nominated for all the stuff they're nominated for. So I just thought, you know, I'm gonna shoot him an email, and I'll shoot him an email that says, hey, you want to come down and do the podcast? And, you know, if not, we can come to you, because we've done that before, and we'll show up at the hotel. It's fun, it's easy, it's whatever you want to talk about, and no problem. But I wasn't. I didn't mean to imply today. Today was Golden Globe.

[Allison Rosen]

Are we supposed to be hanging out with Jesse right now?

[Brian Bishop]

You should be.

[Allison Rosen]

Damn it.

[Brian Bishop]

I said. So I sent him this email saying, you know, when you have some time or when you're back in town or when you're around or something like that. Emailed me back, like, eight minutes later, nicely saying that, well, he couldn't do it today. You didn't say, cuz of the Golden Globes.

[Dave Damaschek]

Heartbreaking.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't. And I felt stupid. Like, I'm not asking you on Golden Globe day. That day at noon. Hey, what are you doing? You want to go throw the Frisbee down at the park? So Guy, old dude, you know who you don't know. So he said, like, I can't do it today, but I'd like to do it. And I thought, oh, no. And I sent him back one that said, no, I'm sorry. I wasn't asking for today, but just whenever. And then I just searched for. Guy got right back to me on the email. The golden. Probably getting fitted for a tux. And then I thought, well, you did do the social network. So I guess there's a certain responsibility, like, you kind of. You got to be good on the computer.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You got to answer an email.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's talk about the fact that you sent him an email.

[Brian Bishop]

I know that was that rare. I'm not good at that.

[Allison Rosen]

But you did it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, today I did. I figured it out. Yes. Thank you. All right, let's see one more story. One more story.

[Allison Rosen]

My favorite story. A Boston cat has been. Sorry. A Boston cat has been called to jury duty.

Sal Esposito, that's the cat, received a summons after its owner filled out miserable.

[Brian Bishop]

About the pat's Loss to the jets.

[Allison Rosen]

Received a summons after its owner filled out some info about him on her census form. And Esposito, that's the human, tried to get Sal out of jury duty by saying he didn't speak or understand English. And she included a letter from her vet and saying that the animal was a domestic, short haired, neutered feline. Strangely, the court ruled Sal must actually make an appearance. If the matter is not resolved, he will have to report to Suffolk Superior Crown Court in Boston on March 23rd.

[Brian Bishop]

And.

Jury of his peers would be a bunch of tabbies, right? They'd just be hissing, oh, God, I did that goddamn jury duty once. Thankfully, I was tossed off and I want no part in that system. I wish they would just let a computer or a chicken or something figure out someone's guilt or innocence. I don't want the. Why should that. Well, in a weird way, you're. You punish the people who decide what punishment should be meted out because you'd ruin their lives. For the last month, all the people that are in the jury.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, see, that just shows that your life is not in a bad way at all. Because I'm the kind of person who. I was working a job and I got called to jury duty and I was like, yes, oh, yeah, I get.

[Brian Bishop]

To get out of work 22 doll a day, and all the salt, saltines I can eat, I can meet some salt tunes I can eat, and I'll talk to some strangers.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, no, I mean, all I did was sit there with my laptop blogging. Jury duty, day one, you know, and I think I never even got called onto a case. I just got to get out of work.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty sure that's illegal.

[Brian Bishop]

I had the worst, possibly the worst jury duty timing ever, which is, I think the first year we did the radio at klsx. Or maybe the second year.

Our Christmas vacation started. You know, our last day of work was like, you know, Friday the 17th or something before we came back, you know, after the first. And my jury duty was the following Monday. So literally the first day of my Christmas vacation was the first day I had to report down to Van Nuys, which is a punishment enough. All right, should we do a little made up movie? Allison? You know, this works.

[Allison Rosen]

It's been explained to me.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

The following is a presentation of Jeremiah Weed.

According to an ancient Mayan prophecy, in the year 2011, a hero would rise to turn your movie titles into blockbusters.

That hero is Adam. Carolla Boy, that could be me. And this is made up movie.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Let.

[Brian Bishop]

Me float this one quickly before we get into the made up movies, but before we get into the fake made up movies, let me give you an actual made up, a real made up movie that I was thinking about when I was talking to. I was on Bill Simmons podcast last week. How about this? The year is 2021.

[Allison Rosen]

I like it already.

[Brian Bishop]

10 years from now we have a by the way, black female Jewish president who's confined to a wheelchair. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

And here's the deal. Oh, by the way, we're going to give Motorhead tickets away to one of the callers but not for the movie. Here's the movie. We've, we're getting progressive enough now. We're going to take all the guys, the combatants that are in Guantanamo Bay and we're going to try them on the mainland. And this is something we've been talking about anyway. Obama was talking about it and it's got a little Con Air. Actually it's almost all Con Air. It's essentially Conair. As a matter of fact it is Con Air. And so we take these, you know, the scariest guys. Oh by the way, since it's in the future, since it's in the future, we can show the second attack that took place in 2017 where we show the Brooklyn Bridge being destroyed and the Eiffel Tower being destroyed actually is probably a good thing. And the Statue of Liberty, Mount Rushmore. A plane flying into Mount Rushmore, you know, and the White House, the H broadcasting facility that has just been working on destroyed, burnt to the ground. And we show all that. Oh, that's good. The crime. See, yeah, you got to think about the crimes of future because you could just CGI all this shit now. The mastermind spores released to the Super Bowl. Yeah, the Super Bowl. Yeah, the sir. The Super Bowl. And guys choking in generic uniforms because we couldn't clear anything about.

The Sharks are playing the bat rays and yeah, we see them all joking number 00 who's not taped up or anything. This is bare arms. It kind of looks fat. You know, they never really look right in their uniform.

[Adam Carolla]

Obese guy who never played in the NFL.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Just fat guy. Right. Anyway, don't ruin the movie before we get to it.

[Allison Rosen]

Spoiler alert. Future spoiler.

[Brian Bishop]

This is, this is their crimes and they've decided that they that because we're. We've become progressive now that they need to be tried on the mainland and New York city. Obviously it's 2:10 because they blew up the Statue of Liberty and the Brooklyn Bridge and all that kind of. Oh, and the rebuilt Freedom Towers. Rubble, dust. Right. Well, so they're going to try them in the state of Florida because it's closest to Cuba. And they built a supermax prison in Florida for these most dangerous detainees ever and these terrorists ever. So they fly them from Cuba into Florida and now they're going to bring them to this supermax in Florida. But along the way, with the opening of the supermax, we take the baddest ass of our criminal, we take the worst of the gang bangers and the mass murders and all that kind of stuff, and they're traveling with these crazy terrorists to go all be deposited into this brand new supermax in Florida. And it's one of those things where our criminals take down their criminals. When the bus is hijacked, essentially the driver, the bus is in on it, pulls like speed, pulls into the C130 and they're taking them back to Cuba. Not Guantanamo Bay, but Cuba, where Castro's brother is now running the thing. And it's a safe house for basically terrorists, except for we have Vin Diesel and some of our other badass criminals that are with them and now they're gonna take them out. I always love that thing. And it's like I was saying, like In World War II we talked to organized crime, we talked to the syndicate about helping us track down Nazis that were like spies and all that kind of stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Drug sniffing, drug addicts, that's what.

[Brian Bishop]

That's exactly. And there's something super cool like when it's a time of crisis, a time of war, and you basically say to the Gambini crime family, look, I know we've had our differences with the whoring and the rug running a hooch and money laundering and all that kind of stuff. We need you. We need you and all your horrible people. I love that.

[Allison Rosen]

Because it's someone who has an area of expertise.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And we're suggesting that there's actually a core of goodness in there we need.

[Brian Bishop]

To find like Nazi saboteur. So this, it's, yeah. Uplifting. Yes, yes. Movie's called Guantanamo.

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh, Guantanamo.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like the Rock.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, question though. Who wins the super bowl game between the Sharks and the Bat race?

[Brian Bishop]

It's just that part that's the cgi. It's not an actual movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Prelude.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we can make that movie.

[Allison Rosen]

I like it. Are there such a thing as supermax prisons or is this.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I wanted this to be an outgrowth of like something. You invented it for the movie.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Super.

[Allison Rosen]

Super Max.

[Brian Bishop]

Super duper Max.

[Allison Rosen]

That's scary.

[Brian Bishop]

A fun time. Yeah. Hey, Ricardo. Eight minutes, Weezer. Why are we caught off guard? When we go the phones, half the time I watch you go over there and push a button on Dawson's thing. A half. I'm being generous. I'm being very generous. I say half the time. All right, Anyway, we're going to the phones. We're going to the phones. Right? Okay, Ricardo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dennis Miller]

Ace man.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you, buddy. Go ahead.

[Dennis Miller]

I got one for you. Death.com.

[Brian Bishop]

Death.Com. They did that one.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I feel like I've heard of that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Mmm. So you go online and there's a. Online.

So. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember that you have Deadpools. Remember, like death pools. You depend on which celebrity died first. Someone gets dead death dot com. And they actually start posting odds for celebrities who would die first. Like, you know, odds and celebrities dying in the next year or next month or whatever it is. And, you know, some are long shots and some are, you know, even money. And the long shots are ones that are living, you know, healthy lives and whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And they actually pay out. If you do this thing, someone starts hiring people to kill the long shots. They start betting on them and hire.

[Brian Bishop]

People to kill money. You're like, well, Leonardo DiCaprio, the guy's what, 30? He's not gonna die.

[Adam Carolla]

You put 30,000 on him at a 200 to 1 shot, and you got 20,000.

[Brian Bishop]

You realize, be pretty easy just to wait outside of, you know, club, whatever, and put a. Put a. Put a bullet in that guy and then. Then collect.

[Adam Carolla]

And every celebrity in Hollywood's on there. So there's. There's thousands of, you know, you can't possibly target any one of them.

[Brian Bishop]

What, the kind of return I could get on my Dakota Fanning.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Investment right through the roof.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. And you know how they always describe actors as like, he's so. So brave in that role. They really had to be brave. These actors would be really brave if they were going out and there's a price on their head.

[Brian Bishop]

So now they realize there's a bounty on these guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you never know, though, because like I said, every celebrity is on this list. You know, Leonardo DiCaprio is no different than Matt Damon, who's no different. Well, he'd be different than Ben Affleck, but you know what I'm saying, like, they're all different odds.

[Allison Rosen]

Would agents be doing side bets and stuff?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, people can hit on it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a huge sensation. Everyone's in on it right now.

[Brian Bishop]

One of the lead guy. Now, let's see. Okay, so this is good. So the lead actor, let's put it this way. Let's get back to Robert Downey Jr. We like the guy. Robert Downey Jr. Is playing Robert Downey Jr. And Robert Downey Jr. Is also on that list. But he's also playing a detective, a gritty, tough cop who plays by his own rules in Detroit. That's the role he's training for and discovers this phenomenon as he does. So Robert Downey Jr. As Robert Downey Jr. Plays the greatest role of his life.

[Adam Carolla]

But then he sees himself on the list.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my point. And when he finds himself on the list, that's when he has to snap in action.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, does he come out of retirement for any part of this? I would like him to. I feel like there's gotta be the thing where he's all washed up and someone calls and they're like, we need you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

We need the best.

[Brian Bishop]

We need the best, and you're the best.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I gave it up years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know what the it is in this scenario.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's always. It's that great point when they go, why me, right? Why are you calling me out of retirement? And no one ever says, you're fair to Midland. You're mediocre.

[Allison Rosen]

Imagine speed dial.

[Adam Carolla]

You live 10 miles away.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't think you're the first one we called, do you? We got. We had a lot of guys tell us, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Why aren't there, like, a list of retired detectives who are now halfway in a bottle?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

They're calling like, yeah, move on to number two.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. Your last name starts with a Z. Does that mean anything? Went all the way through the fucking best phone book before we got to your ass. Everyone with a shred of dignity passed on it. But anyway, you'll do because you're the best.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? And then cut to the vignette of him getting in shape.

[Brian Bishop]

There's never a moment either where the guy goes, oh, really? Who said that? Did Frank tell you that? Who said I was the best?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was very flattering.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought I was. I like to think I was pretty good at what I did.

[Allison Rosen]

That's always nice to be.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Who said that? Honestly, who said that? I'm gonna say, you don't get one of those edible, arrangeable things. Who said the best? Was that Lou from the front office? Because he's a great kid.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't remember exactly who said it, but it was, I think it was. Do you know Cheryl?

[Brian Bishop]

I know Cheryl, but did she say the best or did she say one of the best?

[Allison Rosen]

Because I think she said.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm the. She said I'm the best. That's so awesome. I would have.

[Allison Rosen]

She said, he's the best.

[Dave Damaschek]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I be. Oh, okay. But she. I gotta be honest. I wouldn't have retired at 39 if people talked openly about me being the best.

[Allison Rosen]

You would say that.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, she's awesome.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, she's good.

[Brian Bishop]

She's good. Well, she's one of the. She's definitely good at what she does. I like when people add at what they. What she does. What you do.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a weird comment.

[Allison Rosen]

She is smart in her own way.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. She's good at what she does. Evidently. When you said she's good, we could do the. At what she does. No, no.

[Allison Rosen]

She sucks at her job, but she's great at needlepoint.

She's good at needle point.

[Brian Bishop]

At what she does. All right, we're gonna go ahead because I already did my made up movie. Let's just give this guy some time. To Ricardo. Yeah, Ricardo, are you there? Talk to Ricardo. Ricardo. Brian. Good call on that. I like the death pool. I like the death pool angle. Ricardo.

[Dennis Miller]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna give you guys some tickets to go see Motorhead. How about that?

[Dennis Miller]

That's terrific.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, hang on. We'll put you on hold. And we're gonna bring Lemmy in, by the way, I think. Do we have an outro? Adam Corolla will return in Made up Movie Part 2, made possible by Jeremiah Weed. So I talked about my movie for 10 minutes and then we took one call. Awesome. All right, quick break. Back with Lemmy from Motorh.

Yeah, we are back. That's a little Motorhead for you. We're gonna hear a song off new album any second now. Lemmy's here. Good to see you again, Lemmy.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Motorhead. Says here 36 years the band has been together. 36 years.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, nobody's more surprised than me, believe me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So that means you were nine when you started the band. Well, really, I wish I will say this. I, I. It is smart to adopt a look like Lemmy has a look a little bit like Robert Shaw.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I didn't adopt it, I gave birth to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, yes, it sprung from your loins. The point is, is, you know, I don't know how it went over when you were 23, but you don't look any different now. To me, you're just Lemmy from Motorhead, whereas everyone else is, like, look at guys. Old. Or he got fat or, sorry, bald, Brian. But he got bald. Like, everyone just gets older and looks different. You just look like Lemmy from Motorhead.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah, I never did a day's work to do it either.

[Brian Bishop]

Really.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

It makes you sick, doesn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

Where'd you. Where'd you grow up?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I grew up in England and North.

[Brian Bishop]

Wales mostly, and I'm trying to do some math here, but how old are you, if you don't mind telling me?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I'm 65.

[Brian Bishop]

Sick. You're 65?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah. I started Motorhead when I was 30.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? Are you really 65?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't look 65 at all.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Good.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, especially. Well, I mean, you got a cocktail in front of you now, right?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah. Really? Why not?

[Brian Bishop]

Did you enjoy some of our Jeremiah weed back there, by the way? Oh, you gotta try that.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah, maybe.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, you do a little.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

What is it? Raspberry vodka or something.

[Brian Bishop]

It's all good.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Very odd.

[Brian Bishop]

You smoke a couple of cigarettes, right?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, I smoke a lot of cigarettes.

[Brian Bishop]

Smoke a lot of cigarettes. You drink a lot of beer.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Bad habits came easy to my generation.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, back in the day, that stuff wasn't frowned on, right. Smoking, drinking.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I was actually encouraged, you know. I mean, on the tv, they said, when I'm working on my car, I like to have a Marlborough, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You guys call them. I love that. Do they call them fags or.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Sometimes, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Would they call it, like, on a TV commercial, would they say, you know, when I'm working on my car, enjoy a fag? No.

[Unknown Guest]

Get that drop.

[Brian Bishop]

They recall.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

But it's not because it means that here, but it's just because that's a slang word.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a slang word?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Yeah. Like, they wouldn't. We wouldn't call it a butt or a square or something like whatever. Slang for cigarettes out here. So I can't get over the fact that you're 65 years old. So. So when you started the band, you were the ripe old age of 30. What were you doing before that?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I was in a bank called Hawkwind for about five years, and I was in several other bands before that.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you ever have a regular job?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

This is a regular job. After 42 years, you don't think this is a regular job?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, sorry, I didn't mean to be a dick, but, I mean, you know, chimney sweep or whatever. Whatever.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I'll Tell you a funny story. I was a house painter once for about a week. Just did the one house and my friend got me in there because he was going to be doing it and he didn't want to be left alone with the guy whose house it was because this guy was gay and his name was Mr. Brown Sword.

[Brian Bishop]

You couldn't write it? No. You can't write Mr. Brown Sword.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

You couldn't write it?

[Brian Bishop]

No. Just sound like a song, though.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Munchy Pophan couldn't have made dozen roses.

[Brian Bishop]

Just blowing out a fast bag out in the driveway talking about fascia and trim colors with Mr. Brownsword.

[Allison Rosen]

So I think what we're wondering is, did you ever have a job?

[Brian Bishop]

Mr. Stinkfinger was not gay. I must.

Yeah. So I, I. By the way, a house painter is the sort of fallback or go to job for all. Like for women who are actresses.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Temporary for a week.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

That's all.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm saying, though.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

But I used to work in a factory making washing machines too.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you did?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What was it, some weird English Brian? Or was it like Whirlpool, hot point back.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

What.

[Brian Bishop]

What part of England did you grow up in?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

North Wales?

[Brian Bishop]

Was it. Was it depressing?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Why is it so depressing over there?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

It's the weather.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that what it is?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Well, the main feature of the weather over there is overcast.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

You know, so people get.

[Brian Bishop]

People get kind of bummed out and then they start drinking and then that's it.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I mean, they started drinking here too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

All the bloody time. I mean, there's drinking like fish out here.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I know, I know. Well, but it Is that the crowd you run with as well. I mean, if you hang out at bars, you're gonna find that people drink a lot.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

You do tend to find people that drink in bars, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And do you. Do you live. Where do you live?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I live here.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you do?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Most Hollywood.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you do. I did not know that. And where does the rest of Motorhead live?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Sweden and South Wales.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ. Talk about a conference call.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Well, you know, we got planes these days.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure, but.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

And why do you still drive in everywhere? It'd be difficult.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do you choose to live out here in Southern California with everyone else, sort of staying home?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Because it's not overcast.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Most of the time. I mean, there's some of the time these days. Used to be warmer, didn't it? Or is it just me?

[Brian Bishop]

We had a rough winter this year, though. Now it's got.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I mean, I've been here 20 years now, and it used to be warmer, generally. I.

[Brian Bishop]

It. It feels that way to me. I've been here that. This is my South Wales, by the way. I grew up in North Hollywood, so I never got to leave this place. And, yeah, it seems like it used to be a little hotter during the summer. I'll ask Al Gore next time we.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Have him on the show if he's. If it's his fault.

[Brian Bishop]

You got a doc documentary that's coming out.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

It just came out. We had the premiere on Thursday.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus. Where. Where can we find it, by the way? And did you bring it to me or just bring the new album?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, they didn't give me one of those.

[Brian Bishop]

What the fuck? I love a documentary.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah, me too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Did. Did you see Anvil, by the way?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah, Very good. Yeah, we had them on tour with us back in 1979.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

In England. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Wow. Lemmy's the name of the documentary. Where. Where can you find it?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I don't know, man. It's being shown still, so I don't know if you can get it to buy it, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Huh. Yeah. You can't. On Demand or something like that.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I'd be able to download it or something, I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, that. That is. That's rock and roll, by the way. Where you go, where do we find your documentary? And he goes, I don't know.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

The film guys are doing all the distribution.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I understand, but I'm just looking.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Up to my end of the.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, it's rock and roll and it is. It follows you on. On tour? No, the doc.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

What's. What's the topic, other than you.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

They won a prize in Chile.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

The ch.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Isn't that great?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Did they give you a trophy?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, no, no.

[Allison Rosen]

You should take that out. Oh, you should get.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Usual either way, isn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

You should still get one.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah. Still, it was okay, you know. I mean, I didn't have to leave the theater before the lights came up. Too embarrassing.

[Brian Bishop]

Did they? Did they? So tell us. I'm curious, and we'll get into the music in a second. But it's not about going out on tour. No, it's about you.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

There's. There's bits of it on tour, because I do that, you know, But.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

It's about me, where I live, what I do, you know, stuff like that. A lot of nice people saying I'm a great guy and all that. Embarrassing that way. But I can stand it if they can.

[Adam Carolla]

You go to Lemmy movie dot com.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you got Lemmy movie dot com. That's right. The World World Tour, I should say, kicks off in March, by the way. North American tour starts in January, end of January 25th at the Anaheim House of Blues. I think we have some tickets to give away, by the way, if you want to check out Motorhead. I've not figured out how we're going to give those away. I don't like all that shit, Rago. You know, it's the dumbest thing in the world. Like, hey, we're on 106.7. So the 106 caller is going to get a ticket. I swear to God. I used to work for Kroc, and when I was on Kroc, they were 106.7. And they have rules in radio, and especially rules pertaining to giveaways. And I don't care what you're giving away, you have to follow the rules. So they'd go, well, 106.7, Krack, let's have the 106 caller win herself tickets to go see.

No Doubt. So they just go that thing. And I'd see the poor operator and the guy be sitting. I go, you're number 11. You're number 12.

You're number 13. Thank you for calling Kroc. Number 14. Hey, thank you for calling Kroc. Number 15. Thank you. And I'm like, just give it a way to fucking call number three, you idiots. Why does Paul Bryan have to sit.

[Allison Rosen]

There and miss out on branding opportunities?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Or just number five.

[Adam Carolla]

We are given very specific instructions to get to. Count out 100.1006 how many times I.

[Brian Bishop]

Tell you how stupid radio people are? Literally, I would go, I'd see the poor guy sitting there. You're number 18. Sorry. Welcome to Kroc. You're number 19. Sorry. I'd go to the bathroom, go outside, smoke a cigarette, jerk off a hobo got stopped by a vending machine, drink a beer in a park with the same hobo in a refractory period. Come back upstairs, you're calling number 89. Your caller number of 90. Your caller number 91. And I'm like, just make it fucking call her number five, Brian. That's what you did, right?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually they do call her 20, but for the big ones, like, you know, for no Doubt at the Greek or whatever, they would do 100. Call her 106.7. By the way, how are you call her 106.7?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know, but maybe got an illegitimate child.

It's just coming out. Maybe that's how you got your brain tumor. Everything about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that was.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I. Sitting there with this. Sitting on that phone, counting. Just counting to 106 and just rolling, everyone. Yeah. All right. Oh, yeah. I think we'll give the tickets away to the people that were on hold with the made up movie. The new album, by the way, the World is Yours. I think we have a song to play from that. Let me know what song we're gonna play from the new album.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No clue.

[Adam Carolla]

Number 10. Bye bye.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

That's a good song.

[Brian Bishop]

That's rock and roll. All right, let's hear a little Bye Bye from Lemmy and Motorhead.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Wow. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Here it comes.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you need to set up the song? Just kidding.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe you should.

[Brian Bishop]

Bye bye now. What is that song about, Lemmy?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

It's about an old man who's a fisherman.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, here it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, lemme.

[Brian Bishop]

There we go.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

There you go.

Typical motherhood stuff. Lifestyling.

[Brian Bishop]

They're bringing Michael Buble out with them, by the way. Next time.

[Dennis Miller]

And make you a chance.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's do it, Reagan.

[Dennis Miller]

Make your life a misery make you shut your mouth Going to tell a tale on you make your blue eyes cry and then you know it you r through Bye bye bitch Bye bye.

You know all the reasons and I know all their names Trying to keep secret demons made they just trying to escape Running around the city Running out of tails I'm gonna make you sorry.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Honey I'm gonna make you wail that'll happen.

[Dennis Miller]

Work on you and only you know why and then it's time to say so.

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Mr. Brown Sword would not approve. By the way.

Last song on the album, too. Yeah, normally that's where you bury the stinkers.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I was gonna say bye bye.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I guess so. Oh, we're the us Calling us the. Oh, Lemmy.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

If it fits.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought we had something here.

[Allison Rosen]

So, Lemmy, you are rumored to have been with many, many, many women. Is this true?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

Guys, don't deny as many as I could get.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have a. Do you have a tally?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, not Gene Simmons.

[Brian Bishop]

I was thinking of tally ho. That's essentially. That's what would be like.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you're his. His hotel.

[Brian Bishop]

A hotel. It would be a tally ho. Yes. As they say in your. In your. In your land.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I read that it was in the thousands.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, I said a thousand about when you think about it, I'm 65.

[Allison Rosen]

Damn.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I've never been married. Woman started Doing it when I was, what, 16? So you work it out. It's not that many. A thousand.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It still seems like a lot. Can you name everyone?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Oh, no, I'm just kidding. Let's not be silly about this, right?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. See, I would have thought his mistress was a C. I didn't know it was actually women.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I know that there are a lot of girls out there who don't remember me either.

[Brian Bishop]

They would remember you.

[Allison Rosen]

I bet there's a lot of women who would remember you.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, before. Before Motorhead.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah. Before Hawkwind.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sure. I'm sure the women that you were with when you were in Hawkwind would remember that.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Now, the women I was with in Auckland were mostly unaccid. They wouldn't probably remember who they were.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the Roofie of the late 60s, early 70s.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

There's a raison d'. Estre. Yes.

[Unknown Guest]

The.

[Brian Bishop]

The point is, a lot of these chicks are up concert. Well, no, I don't mean emotionally. I just mean they're drunk. That's why they're going in the Motorhead tour bus. I know.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe they just really like Lemmy.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Girls don't go to Motorhead concerts. We get guys to go to Motorhead concerts, mostly.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

So where. So where do you meet all these ladies?

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I find them.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you on. Are you doing online dating?

[Brian Bishop]

Who's. I'm looking at a picture of a chick on stage. Is that one of your concerts?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, that was the girl with Hawkins. She was our dancer.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, look at those Chucks.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

52 inches.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

6 foot 2. And those socks you had.

[Brian Bishop]

Those are high socks. You had a huge naked breasted woman dancing on stage when you played?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yes, we did.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you have sex with her?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Why not? That's the one that got the two that got away.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

She didn't get away. I shared the room with her for two tours. Hotel room. She was really funny. She go and get like two little boys out the audience, you know, like fluffing at the mouth and bringing.

[Brian Bishop]

So while you guys, you're young fans, while you guys were playing, there would be a big busted six. Two woman up on stage dancing. That's. That's what we're looking at.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I'm just off camera to the right there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Why'd you get out of that band?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I was fired.

[Brian Bishop]

You were fired for. For playing.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Seemed a good time to leave.

[Brian Bishop]

How do you get fired?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Oh, that's a long story. You don't want to know.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? Was it drugs?

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Suffice it to say, no, it wasn't. I was fired in Canada.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, on tour.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Fired. You on tour, huh? You were in the middle of a tour and they shit canned you. Yeah, what the hell?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Tell you, man, I'm just. The world is full of little injustices. That is only one of them.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're like, all right, mates, I thought we're friends now. I'm going back to the UK and.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I've screwed three of them old ladies.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really? Wow. See? Well, there's three. At least three.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah. There you go.

[Brian Bishop]

There.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I must admit, I was screwing on them already.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I don't know what's wrong with screwing. I don't know what the stigma is about it over here. I mean, you think about. They give you a medal for bombing people. I mean, hardly the worst thing to do is to give a person an orgasm, is it?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

You know what I mean? I don't see what's wrong with it myself.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you not believe in monogamy?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Oh, no. God, no. What for? I mean, that was when the Indians were out there, wasn't it? You know, you had to stay in the cabin, right? No, no, no, no, no. Very modern, the marriage concept, especially if you travel. If you want to be with somebody, you'll stay with them anyway. You don't have to be married, you know, you don't need a contract from the government to say you're married to somebody.

[Brian Bishop]

I need you to talk to my wife because I was. I was explaining to her that cheating for a man is not what it is for a woman. And you see, women, well, everything's every. Everything sees everything through the prism that they see their light through. Meaning?

[Adam Carolla]

You want to let me to explain this to your wife?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, Let me. I need you.

I go downstairs to get Lemmy a beer, and he's my wife.

[Dave Damaschek]

The sky.

[Allison Rosen]

And she's like, oh, I see now.

[Brian Bishop]

Not a demonstration.

Let me. I said, no, you misunderstood. Mr. Mr. Pink Sword has come to town. No, I. I said that.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

The Bacon Torpedo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's what I said.

When you. When you look at certain things a certain way, it's hard to look at it a different way. Like, if there's a food that you really enjoy, you know, I. I love a breakfast burrito. And if you've never had a breakfast burrito, I'm gonna say, you're gonna love a breakfast burrito. You love. Why? Because I love it. And I'VE tasted it. That's what.

[Allison Rosen]

Let me call it sex in the morning.

[Brian Bishop]

I see it. I see it that way. The breakfast burrito. Yeah. When he nails the maid, he calls it the breakfast burrito.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Out here in SoCal, sometimes they even look that way. Yeah. The point is, when women think about cheating, they don't see it through the eyes and penis of a male.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. They see it, what it would be for them, which is like, emotional commitment. We're losing, potentially falling in love with.

[Dave Damaschek]

Someone else on the road.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Opportunity differences, emotions, isn't it? Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Guys don't give a shit. I mean, it doesn't mean anything to a guy.

[Allison Rosen]

But women, it's very hard for us to understand how that can even be, because women who can have sex and have it not mean anything, like, it's.

[Dennis Miller]

It's.

[Allison Rosen]

It's. You have to, like, really try hard to achieve that, and it doesn't work very well.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Right. I've known a couple of girls that work really well for. But they were in a minority, I'll give you that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. What color were they? The point is this, I think the bar. I was saying to my wife, maybe, maybe I was just being. Maybe. Maybe I was just, you know, tilling the soil for cheating down the road. But I said, I think the bar is set too high. And for modern man, like this, this notion that, you know, there's no cheating, we have to equal parenting. We got to be at every. By the way, my kids go to some. You know, they're four and a half. They go to some school, they don't even know where they're at. They have some sort of Halloween parade where they're dressed up like Spider man and it's noon and it's Tuesday and there's 18 miserable dads who took the day off work. Like, stand there, our dads would have been like, fuck you. I'm going to war. I'll tell you what, I won't fuck my secretary today, but that's as much.

[Allison Rosen]

As I can promise you not get made that day.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. The point is.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Well, fucking your secretary is like being married anyway, isn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's a good point. The point is, I said, you're gonna.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Run around, do it somewhere where you don't eat.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, Lemmy, you know, instead of Schwimmer and the rest of these guys doing these stupid PSAs, Lemmy from Motorhead should lay down some of his pearls of wisdom. But the point is this. Between the guy having to be sort of equal parent Like, I have to spend quality time with the kids. They must know. I'm gonna go to the. I'm gonna be in the birthing room. I'm gonna go to your. Your lactation classes with you and all that kind of. I think we're raising the bar too high on dudes. We haven't changed from an evolutionary standpoint. Look at Lemmy. We haven't changed at all. Certainly not in the last one doing all the talking. Yeah, in the last 40 years, we haven't changed.

[Allison Rosen]

So what are you saying? As. As this regards to cheating, though?

[Brian Bishop]

I am saying.

What I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Do I need to get upset on.

[Dave Damaschek]

Behalf of your wife?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I'll tell you the big difference between men and women. Men up and women plot, right. They'll have no fury, you know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. Revenge.

[Brian Bishop]

When a woman cheats, she means.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

But they never forget it either, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Once, you know, and I didn't never bring it up every time you have an argument, you know, we do.

[Allison Rosen]

We do that. We do do that.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't, you know, I'm not saying.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

And I love women, you know, I brought up by two women, I got no problem with girls, you know, I mean, all women. It's all I can talk to any woman in the world. You know, I have no problem at all with it. But, like, it is a. The bar is a bit high, but not for the same reasons.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I think.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I think it's just like to expect us to have that amount of emotion that a woman knows is unreasonable.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know what it is.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I don't expect them to not care, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

No. What happens? I'll tell you. I'll tell you what happens. You know, it's this sort of thing. I come through the door. I left Miami at 2:00am, Los Angeles time. I stopped over in Houston for an hour and a half. I got four hours sleep the night before. And I come through the door, I'm exhausted. At noon our time, I drop my bags, I go upstairs, take a nap, and my wife gets pissed because, like, I didn't make. I didn't make a big enough deal about being home with the kids and all that kind of stuff. It's like, nothing personal. I'm exhausted. To a woman, we don't think like you think. All we think is, glad to be home. Glad you're home now I'm taking a nap. We. We don't think the way you guys think.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

And so it doesn't necessarily mean disrespecting.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's just the way we think. These are our ways. Like, you guys understand it when you're talking about different cultures, like, oh, that's how they express something, or they belch when it's a good meal or whatever it is.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah, another culture. It's okay.

[Brian Bishop]

We, you guys respect the. Out of that. Well, we're another culture, and we want our goddamn respect. And all I'm saying is something happened with the bar, and the bar got raised too high. It got like, there's no extra long as well, you know, I wish mine.

[Allison Rosen]

Had some girt, because the problem is that there's all this talk. And so we're like, well, we know you're not like that, but if you know that it means something to us, why can't you do that?

[Dennis Miller]

That.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Well, the problem understood that either, you know, I mean, I, I, I, I've realized for years that it means something different to you, but, I mean, I can't see all the time through your.

[Brian Bishop]

Eyes, you know, Our society. Our society.

[Allison Rosen]

We're breaking up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she's not going to be. 23rd delay. Oh, the.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

That was when you went up to those sailors, wasn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

I can't help it. They were only in town.

[Brian Bishop]

It was Fleetway.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I fly a lot. You only have so many.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the, the. I was gonna. Jesus Christ, what was I thinking now? I was, I was just thinking about the society that we formed where, like, people will interview me and they'll say, oh, so, you know, you're going out on the road, you're doing comedy, you're making this money, you're writing the books and all that kind of stuff, and then you're taking care of the kids, you're going to the store. I say, I don't do the shopping, my wife does. And they go, well, yeah, but do you ever go to the store? And I go, no. And they go, you don't do any shopping? And I go, no, I make all the money, and I'm not going to make all the money and go to the store. And they're like, oh, my goodness. Well, look out, world. We got, we got Bobby Riggs here. You know Archie Bunker. Yeah, we got Archie Bunker. And I'm like, listen, this is not an outlandish thought. I go on the road, I work my ass off, I make a bunch of money, I write a bunch of books, I get paid. And then you go to the supermarket. That's how we've structured things. And by the way, that doesn't make me a neanderthal.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

I don't go to the supermarket, but I ain't changing the baby right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you go to the supermarket.

Change.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

It for a clean one, right?

[Brian Bishop]

You go there and cruise. Let me. Well, Lemon said let me. Had to leave five minutes ago. In five minutes, so I know what, five minutes ago.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

In five minutesS, where you got to be?

[Brian Bishop]

Where are you going? Yep. Because you haven't been laid in 35 minutes now. What's going on?

[Lemmy Killmeister]

No, it's been almost two hours now.

[Brian Bishop]

Holy shit. Wow.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Well, I have to watch my health, you know. I mean, I have to keep it up.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe that's how he stays so young looking.

[Brian Bishop]

I would say, by the way, you know, all the drinking, all the smoking, all the whatever you want to do, if you just fuck a stranger twice a week, you'd go on to 150. You know why you. Your cock wouldn't let you die. You'd be like, what about this? You got a heart condition? Bullshit. Let's keep this party going for me. Get some blood in me right now. You're so lucky. Lucky I'm flaccid right now. I would kick the out of your balls. Let's go.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a movie.

[Brian Bishop]

If they did a study. If they did a study of guys.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Would you call it Dickie?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. First off, there would be none of these Safeway massacres or anything. If that guy got laid once in a while. There'd be none of that. If you. If you nailed two strange women a week, I bet you would add 13 years to your average life and there'd be zero suicides and. And none of these, hey, I'm gonna.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Female suicides.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's a good point. The wife would probably get pissed. Martyrhead.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

By the way, somebody, women look down on chicks with large breasts either. What is that?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they're jealous, you know.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Yeah, I think that's what it is myself.

[Allison Rosen]

Because like, well, it depends. Like, are they letting them hang out and flop around and are they putting them in your face? Because we're not into that.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

The knives really come out, you know, like, certain kind of women aren't approved of by other women. You know, it's really funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it's not just big breasted.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

There's all sorts of things that, you know. I'm not your enemy. Guys are not your enemy. Other women are your enemy.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. The more you know. Come on, Brian, wake up. The world tour kicks off in March and they're going to be playing at the House of Blues out here. Anaheim. Yeah. January 25th. Also, you can see the documentary at where bald Brian lemmymovie.com lemmymovie.com 36 years, still going strong. Let me always great to see you, buddy. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for bald Brine saying aloha. Oh, that's pretty close. And Allison say mahalo. But it's the same thing.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

How would I know? I don't speak Hawaiian.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that was Adam Carla Show 479 with Lemmy from Motorhead.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming up next, we have Adam Carla Show 482 featuring Dave Damaschek, Dennis Miller and much like the previous episode, 479, this one's never been played on cruel classics.

[Brian Bishop]

Hope you guys enjoy. O'Reilly.

Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate. Get it on and quickly before you tune out. Dennis Miller is going to be part of the program as well. I hope I caught the lion, Jeremy.

[Dave Damaschek]

Save that one, ace.

[Brian Bishop]

The guys that were doing the shoulder rolls toward the computers to are the ones that couldn't get to the computers that were hurling slippers and other things to try to get it to stop. Dennis Miller. A lengthy pre recorded interview with the great Dennis Miller will be on the.

[Dave Damaschek]

It'll be sort of like a goofus and gallant for Pittsburgh. You know, we're both Pittsburgh natives, Dennis Miller and I.

[Brian Bishop]

You're from Pittsburgh too.

[Dave Damaschek]

Is that.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Have I not.

[Dave Damaschek]

We've discussed that at some point. Right? That has to have come up. I can't believe it. Known you for 10 years now.

[Brian Bishop]

I know you're from the east, but I didn't know Pittsburgh.

[Dave Damaschek]

Pittsburgh, Penn. The banks of the three rivers.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, then who's your team? Oh, Steelers.

[Dave Damaschek]

I'm excited right now, as a matter of fact. Yeah. The Pittsburgh Steelers are doing well in the playoffs.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. I guess everyone's gonna have a play. Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

So be good. So you'll see, like how not to do it from one Pittsburgh. And then Dennis Miller come in and he'll, he'll thrive comedically, I'm sure.

[Brian Bishop]

People should know a couple of interesting things. First off, my bathroom video thing, my etiquette. I did my bathroom video etiquette or my bathroom etiquette video, I should say I did with college humor is on the verge of going viral. Somebody tossed it on YouTube a few days ago and it's somewhere around 300,000 downloads. It's been less than a week now. I don't know what viral or maybe we should start calling it venereal But. But when does it get viral at a million? Like, when does it. I don't know.

For that, I don't know. I've been disappointed by stuff I've done. And you sit up there and it doesn't really. You know, it doesn't get any higher than 20,000 or something like that, but this is up around 300,000, and they just tossed it on there. But it's one of these things. And you and I are probably the same way, Shaq and that. We spout off about almost everything. And then. And the problem is, is people sort of laugh or tune us out or fake laugh and tune out, which is what I think people do with me. And then every once in a while, one of them, who's actually a fan of mine, will say, do that bathroom bit you do. And I'll go, it's not a bit. I'm yelling. I'm angry. I'm upset about this. Yeah, that's a funny bit. That's. That bit. That bit you do and it's not a bit is sort of who's on first? You know what I mean? That's a bit. It's a comedy bit, but it doesn't mean anything. This. I fucking mean.

[Dave Damaschek]

I know. That's exactly right. Yeah. Henny Youngman. Well, that's not a very current reference, but yeah, I'm trying to think of a. Who is a joke? Smith. Stephen Wright. Is that a good one? Who's the guy who had the TV show on Comedy Central? The Bill Kirkenbauer. Very funny guy. He was on the.

[Brian Bishop]

Bill Garganbauer.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's what I'm thinking of. Yes. Right. This. You know what it is, Adam, for someone like you, you didn't choose comedy. Comedy chose you.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Dave Damaschek]

You're like a model. You didn't want to be a model.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no.

[Dave Damaschek]

Someone discovered you and pulled you. Will.

[Brian Bishop]

I just went with a friend to her audition, and then I was spotted. By the way, after hearing these stories over and over, young girls must be devastated every time they go in with a friend to a modeling gig, or at least attempt at a modeling gig, and then they just sit there preening on the sofa while the guy walks right past them without even looking at them. But it's always go, I went with a friend and I was discovered. I really never buy you. And I always talk about a model.

[Dave Damaschek]

I mean, I believe it if I heard it once or maybe twice, but the fact that every single model in the history of modeling tells that exact same story. Something smells.

[Brian Bishop]

Fishy well, the problem with modeling is you have to admit that you looked in the mirror and saw something flawless staring back at you that even you wanted to fuck and realize you're gonna turn this into a cash cow. So when you're 14, you marched your beautiful self right down to the, you know, whatever modeling agency in Manhattan and so on and so forth. But, yeah, you and I always. We always talk about this, which is, they do this too. Comedians do this. A bunch of guys at work sign me up for an open mic night over at the local. Whatever. All right, but what if they just signed you up for cornholing night over at the local bath house? Would you show up with a set? You know what I mean? Like, how about the part where you told the guys at work, hey, fuck you, I'm not going up.

[Dave Damaschek]

I think the blind spot of blind spots for human beings, and I'm not sure exactly to what this is owed, is sense of humor. Everyone thinks. People may not think that they are funny. They don't crack wise particularly well. But everybody gets.

[Brian Bishop]

I know everybody gets the job.

[Dave Damaschek]

And it's a funny thing because, you know, I've said this, you know, probably to you a million times, but I'll say it again for the millionth and first is, you know, people will say. Will admit that they're not attractive. They'll say, you know, I got a lot going for me, but I know I'm not the prettiest face around. People will tell you that they're not nice. You know, like, oh, wow, you're way more generous. You're way more charitable than I am.

[Brian Bishop]

A better man than I am.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, right. Like, you know, people ha. I try real hard, but I know I'm not the brightest bulb in the world, but I overcome that with. With hard work. But no one ever will admit that they're. That they have a bad sense of humor. Everybody thinks they get every joke. And the funny thing is that I would say that that's one of the. One of the biggest things.

Very few people, as a matter. At least you always say, and I think it's an interesting point, there are very few smart people that have bad senses. Well, there. No, I'm sorry. There aren't funny people that are dummies. There are very few dummies, right, who are smart.

[Brian Bishop]

So it is one of these funny where you get to join the smart club by being funny. That's what it's like to say. No one wants to walk around saying they're smart, but you can walk around Saying, I understand, hum. And it's something that everyone can claim because it's like, I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you do not. How are you gonna talk the guy out of it?

[Dave Damaschek]

That's a good point. It's like, I play ice hockey, but we're in San Diego. There's nowhere I can disprove your announcement that you play hockey.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right. So you can't take it away from people.

It's so bizarre because I just watch and we'll get in here in a couple of few. Phil Rosenthal from Everyone Loves Raymond and great guy, and he's a real sweet guy. He's like one of the nice guys who happened to make billions of dollars in this industry. And he did a documentary called, like, Exporting Raymond or Bringing Raymond to Russia or something like that. It's basically Russia buys our sitcoms. And they don't rerun them, they recast them. And it's Everyone loves Bayla. Or I mean, literally, they go like, well, no one knows Raymond, but we name him Deet or something like that. People know who he. Who. Who he is. Or Drago.

[Dave Damaschek]

That was the only one I read.

[Brian Bishop]

I could think of.

Khrushchev. Like, they'll do that. And they. Exporting Raymond is the name of the. The documentary. And so what they do is they recast everything. They recast a Raymond and a dad and everything, and they write everything in Russia and they just redo it. But they already have 150 scripts. Well, for certain things are a little suspicious. First, like, the biggest success they've had is the Nanny.

[Dennis Miller]

That's.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone loves that show over there. It's funny with Russia, they're confusing because they're white. So you're a little confused. Like, all right, well, you guys have a sense of hue. You're. You're white, right? Like, you know what's going on. It's like now not. So you don't do that. I mean, look, as racist and sad as this is, when you start getting into Central America and you start getting into parts of Mexico and you start getting into parts of Africa, you do a little racist comedy math. Like, all right.

That guy. I understand nobody looks like that guy's got a great sense of humor, but you expect more out of the blue.

[Dave Damaschek]

They're hungry, Adam. It's just that they're hungry. Priority in their mind.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they're digging wells all day and, you know, making improvised explosive devices and things like that. They're not. Their mind is not on humor. It's hard to think funny thoughts and put rusty nails into C4 or whatever the plastic explosive is. The point is this global citizen. So thank you. So it's a great documentary, and Phil's a great guy, and great show, by the way.

[Dave Damaschek]

Underrated. I don't want to interrupt you, but great show. History is already sort of got that one too far down on the list. Everybody Loves Raymond is one of the great sitcoms of our lifetime.

[Brian Bishop]

It gets better even when you. When you see it now, sort of through this. Through this documentary. And now you see Phil has to make the pilgrimage to Russia. And Phil has to then get together with the. With the executives and the comedy writers and the so and so's and producers in Russia to get this thing made. Now, I've been through this experience stateside. Meaning it's like. It's like saying I was.

[Dave Damaschek]

I've.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like me saying I played for the Yankees. And the locker room was disgusting. Like, there was a dying. There was a mule there. There was a carcass. The trash can was overflowing. It's like. It's like me saying, I've been to the top, and the locker room wasn't that great. I've been to NBC. I've been to cbs. They're not funny and they're not smart over there. Imagine traveling to Russia to find people that were smarter than. And funnier than Phil. So now Phil sits there, and Phil's dealing with a bunch of Russian guys, an interpreter. And he's having to explain to him, no, listen, the wife should not come down the stairs all dolled up to make breakfast, wearing an evening gown and stuff. And they're like, but why? She's beautiful. Yes, no, I know. She looks good, but it's not. But it's not funny. It's not real. It's not natural. But it's not natural. She looks beautiful. You like to look at beautiful women? Yes. And like, yeah, but would you wear that around your house to make eggs on a Tuesday for your husband? Well, this is a nice gown. It's like. And so you just see Phil, like, going, now here's a guy that has more money than God and more juice than. Than a hydroelectric damage.

[Dave Damaschek]

Nice.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Couple OJ references went through me, and then I got to the dam. But now he's in Russia and they're giving him the.

We. We know. We know what we do here. Yes.

[Dave Damaschek]

Isn't the problem that they're. They're like 40 years behind us. And what makes 40, 50, 50 years.

[Brian Bishop]

And so there's Phil, one of the most successful guys in Hollywood, with one of the most successful sitcoms in Hollywood, who's traveled to Russia to help them execute this. And they're giving them a lot of quite. Over there. Over there. Quite. And that's what they're doing. They're doing. We know what we're doing. You have no fucking idea what you're doing. And they get to play that card. Like, we know what the Russian people want. Of course, as you see it, once they finally try it Phil's way, it's always, always better. But if they can do that in Russia, imagine what they can do here. And yes, everybody can lay claim to. You know, it's like having a good soul. Every guy in fucking death row has a good soul. Every guy's raped, someone has a good. You know, he's. When you get to know him, like, he means, you know, they can lay claim to that. So everyone can say they're funny, which is why I want some sort of testing. I don't know if it's a punt, pass and kick competition or it's like the way they test body fat. We're just dunking a tank. You exhale will pop out. Oh, you're 0.2% funny, bitch. When I ever have to listen to you again, like, you know what I mean? Like, I want to know someone's funny o meter. So I can go, you know what?

[Dave Damaschek]

Because as you say, I don't need.

[Brian Bishop]

To listen to you as a.

[Dave Damaschek]

As the cliche goes, comedy is subjective, but I guess it's sort of like college QBs, you know, Denard Robinson of Michigan might have to transfer because they're not going to run the spread offense there anymore, which is, you know, so.

[Brian Bishop]

So they. Were you and Lynette talking this morning? Because this is exactly.

[Dave Damaschek]

Guilty.

[Brian Bishop]

I heard the. Save it. Because the whole Denard Robinson spread offense. Exactly. Analogy I got over breakfast, actually, I.

[Dave Damaschek]

Have to kick myself that I called him Denard. He has the nickname Shoelace. Shoelace Robinson.

[Brian Bishop]

Why? I don't know why anybody ever calls him. He hangs himself in prison nine years from now.

[Dave Damaschek]

But yeah, it's like that. I guess that, you know, because I was going to say one test could be, you know, the sort of make me laugh kind of thing. But then you're.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, no, they always.

[Dave Damaschek]

It's a person.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't make people laugh. I just know comedy.

I'm just. I'm an expert on arm wrestling who cannot lift a set of keys.

[Dave Damaschek]

Maybe you could make some sort of. Yeah, you know what? There's. It's just like, we have to sit through. What was the point of those tests, by the way? In our childhood, do our. The kids in school now have to take those tests every year? Remember sitting there for the math test? What was the point of that? What did. What did that yield? What did that. Did that. The deal set us into some sort of a class or put us. Because I don't remember. I remember just being mixed in with everybody anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the part. What they want to do is they want to find out how your school is doing overall.

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh, is that Believe.

[Brian Bishop]

And then figure out how to rank people. And now we're just. Now it's just plan of the apes where they get on horsebacks with nets and chase kids through the streets, throwing nets on them, trying to drag them back into class. I don't know if we even have that in L. A. I. I never. Well, I never took the SATs. I was a ceramics major, as you know, in high school.

[Dave Damaschek]

I did know that, but I don't. I was just about to say I was gonna. I guess we have had that conversation that you and your chums. What was the point to taking the sats? There was none. Why do that to yourself? It's a waste of a Saturday.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I. It would, like, it'd be like giving a guy with, like, three days left on death row an ab Flex machine or something. Like, he just looked at you and go, why? And you go, but you could use it, right? I. Yeah, but what for? Like, I could take the SATs, but to what end?

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, listen, I'm going to make another football analogy to compliment you about your analogy making. There is, you know, Michael Vick is the best runner among QBs in the NFL. You know, Ben Roethlisberger's the best in the last two minutes, you know, sure. Peyton Manning throws the ball, you know, deep, whatever. Best, you know, I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Dave Damaschek]

Your skill. If you were an Olympian for comedy, no one makes better analogies than Adam Carolla. You got off the cuff. You do it. The other compliment I'll give you, too, as a matter of fact. What's funny about, you know, what's Corolla? Like, what's it. I say this about you all the time. Nobody. There are a lot of people that can say something funny on a subject never having considered it. You know, what do you think about. Blah. You are. Are the only person I've ever seen who can consistently turn a subject. You've never thought of into 20 minutes. That's. That is a skill. I mean that is, that is a unique skill that I've never heard anyone match is somebody. People might come up with a one liner that's funnier but nobody can just expand on something off the cuff the way you can. What the point of these compliments were. I don't know. I guess I want to come back. I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks. Dave Damaschek. Dave Damaschek on Ace Broadcasting. And I should tell everyone this and give everyone a heads up. Now. I'm going to try to figure this out. We are going to be doing a little experiment with SiriusXM and Howard Stern and the Howard Stern Network over at Sirius XM about simulcasting this show on the Sirius XM Howard Stern Network while we're doing it. So this may, may open up. We're going to start Monday. So we will not only now, now here's the whole thing to, to those who are used to listening to the podcast. The podcast will be expanded from about 90 minutes to two hours. So to be a two hour podcast there's going to have to be a couple of breaks in there for commercials that they require on their end. So you'll get an extra half hour of content. Content with an extra few minutes of commercials. We'll figure that out. But we are doing a full blown show and it's going to be simulcast. And much more than that I do not know other than I just got off the phone with Mike August or Booker and I said load it up for Bear baby because we're going to do a big week next week. And he said gotcha. 9:00am and it's, it's 9:00pm him and Donnie. Now imagine, you know Donnie. You know Donnie. You know Donnie Mizrahi, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

You know Mike August, right? Imagine those two attempting to communicate.

[Dave Damaschek]

The antithesis of, of Hollywood is what the wheeze is. He's the stoner. And then August is hyper parody of, of Hollywood guy who says things like, hey, if you come over here, you can office here. He uses office as a verb. Let's convo on that.

[Brian Bishop]

I.

[Dave Damaschek]

Let's office and let's, we can office here and then we'll convo on what the hell, what are you saying right now.

[Brian Bishop]

I had an entire year on the road with those two where I sat in between them like some schlub at the UN interpreting each one for each other. Because neither Mike would start talking, Donnie would start nodding. I would explain, you don't Know what he's saying? You're misinterpreted. Then he fireback. I would have to explain to him. It was really. It was a great year. Phil Rosendal should have shot that. That, that would have been his documentary was great. This would have been even better. On the road with me, Donnie and Mike August for one year. Southwest Alaska Airlines, little hotels exporting imbeciles.

[Dennis Miller]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

Would have been awesome. So anyway, we're going to do an experimental sort of simulcast. The podcast is not going to go away. It's not in jeopardy of going away. It's essentially taking the podcast and putting it on this platform. That's fantastic. That would be something close to awesome if that works.

[Dave Damaschek]

And I listen to Stern regularly. And that audience largely loves Adam Corolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I think it'd be a good. A good fit. Also Ace on the House, which has been wildly successful. They'll be doing a another episode tomorrow BR Saturday show, so you can enjoy that. I want to do a quick break and tell you about my friends over at Go to my PC. That's right, Sheck, you hang out on the computer, right?

[Dave Damaschek]

Sure I do.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. You have a place of employment, right? You work over at Kimmel's. You work over at the.

[Dave Damaschek]

Sometimes I office. In my office at home, right? Yeah, but.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, but now there's been times you've been at work and you wish you could get something off your home computer or been at home and wish you could get something off your work computer. Oh, boy, have I. Ah, that's why they invented. And Go to My PC. Brought to you by Citrix. You can securely access everything on your office computer, even programs from anywhere, cafes, libraries. I don't know what that place is, but sounds boring to me. Don't go there. Go somewhere. Go out to a park. Enjoy nature. How cold is it in Pittsburgh right now? Is it insane?

[Dave Damaschek]

The colder the better for the AFC title game. I think it's like 20 degrees.

[Brian Bishop]

Try go to my PC free. They got a special 45 day trial. Free. Use a promo code Adam. Visit. Go to my PC. Click on the Try free button and remember to use the promo code Adam. I cannot believe that the jets won last week. That's insane. And by the way, I completely agree with you all you naysayers out there that were like, hey, yeah, you missed that one. Well, you and any other. If you thought the jets were going to win that game, you don't know anything about football. Brady's won 27 in a row at home. They're the highest Scoring offense, they beat the other team 45.

[Dave Damaschek]

Detail. The biggest detail of all, as a matter of fact, as far as I'm concerned, is six weeks prior, the two teams played in the exact same place with about the same weather and it was 45 to 3. How could you possibly think the jets could be in that game? I mean, I really. It's weird what happened.

[Brian Bishop]

If it was a basketball game, it would have been 118 to 39. And anyone who saw that game six weeks ago went well. The team that scored 39 is not going to beat the team that put up 118 on. It's just impossible.

[Dave Damaschek]

I know, but you're right, you know, as a. It's classic, you know, hindsight kind of thing, people.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Hey, you missed that. You say you were so sure about that. Yeah, I was. Because I don't. I can't imagine that in the history of football any team has had such a. What two teams have had such a wild swing and if from one game to the next. And, and, and that was. I saw a stat Sunday night that basically proved that I was right, that it was the biggest Swell was a 42 point victory. The biggest previous one had been like a 30 point swing between two teams from regular season to the postseason. But what about amazing.

[Brian Bishop]

What about your crazy Steelers with the Ravens and everyone giving up on the play? When Big Ben got. Got hit in the back, the ball just sat there.

[Dave Damaschek]

I, you know, the we. The guy who was the most culpable in my book was Roethlisberger himself because he knew that the ball. He knew he hadn't thrown the ball. So therefore he knew he had fumbled it. And yet he made no effort to even yell to the team, somebody get it. It's right. I didn't die up. I didn't throw that ball. And he knew that. But, but in general that the one guy, if you watch him, the guy for the Ravens, knew that the ball was live immediately. It wasn't like he was standing around. He immediately went after it, but everybody else standing around.

[Brian Bishop]

It's weird in a game when the ball hits a guy in a chest on an out pattern, it bounces off his chest, hits the turf, bounces up into his hands again. He still tries to run it out. Like it's that kind of thing where it's like, hey buddy, we saw the ball bounce off the ground and bounce up back into your hands. Why are you running when they're blowing the whistle in a game when guys routinely do things like again, balls dead tap Dead touch, dead down to where guys will still grab the ball and still go running just to get extra camera time. I don't know what in that game, in this case, the ball sitting on the carpet, no whistles being blown. And I've been seeing, and it's something I talked about on this podcast and something I was talking to Rich Eisen, I think my colleague at NFL, your colleague, Rich Eisen. I think these guys are so bright, beaked up and so out of their minds now that a whistle is not going to cut it. Like how much. Here's what I'm saying.

[Dave Damaschek]

Dog collars.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's what I'm saying. I'm saying like air horns that they start boat regattas with. I mean, like what it means, like how many times you've seen it this year, especially this year, but in years coming previous as well. Guy gets held up at the line. One guy's got him low, got him down around the knees or the ankles. The other guys stack them up, up top. They're blowing the whistle and blowing the wind. They're still bending the guy backwards. And again, I'm always looking at him going, somebody's got some guys got this guy's shins wrapped up while there's two huge guys bending him backward and they're blowing the whistle forward. Progress stopped, whistle blown. All you're gonna do is hyperextend the guy's knee at some point. What are we, what are we doing? They just keep playing and playing. I mean, they blow the whistle and the guy will keep running down the sideline. Even it's out of bounds, they'll come back in. How did that ball just sit on the ground?

[Dave Damaschek]

I don't know. But you know, but what you're talking about is I really, it's the NFL. It's such hooey and applesauce, this idea that, that they can somehow police the collisions. I mean, it's, it's, it's ludicrous. I mean, you know what I think? I think everybody is. The league, I think even has sort of gotten to a point of being like, yeah, let's just pretend that never happened. Because there is no way we can really monitor whether or not guys are running four threes and they're 260 pounds and they're colliding at full speed. And yet they're supposed to gauge exactly where their head makes contact with a guy who's wheeling around at full speaker. Impossible.

[Brian Bishop]

Even, even with that being said, how about the 63 year old guys with the cataracts or trailing the play by 20 yards with the arthritic hips? How are they supposed to see the two gentlemen of color who are running into each other at several hundred miles an hour? How are they supposed to make that call where the guy dipped his head or hit him in the sternum? Another thing, watching some of the playoffs last week, that pissed me off. I believe it was in the. I think it was in the Falcons game. I'm still frustrated at what defines a catch. I believe it was almost at the end of the Falcons game. And part of the reason I get frustrated is I hate when a good athletic play gets taken away from not only the receiver, but the quarterback. Toward the end of the Falcons game, he threw an out to I don't know who. About 20 yards down the field, the guy just went up with both hands and caught it. Then he put his right foot down, then he put his left foot down. Then he started up field. As he was starting up field, he got hit by db. That jarred the ball loose as he was going out of bounds. The ball started moving as he's going out of bounds, but it never came out of his hands. It was just moving as he went out of bounds. And they're like, yeah, it's not a catch. No, because. Because he was juggling when he went out of bounds. But it's like, yeah, but he wasn't juggling when he caught the ball, brought it in and started up field.

[Dave Damaschek]

Me, you're so lenient, Carolla, for a guy who's attention to detail, you know, you know, with how you have to. When you're, when you're building these houses or whatever you do with this construction nonsense.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Dave Damaschek]

All that stuff. And yet you're very lenient about this catch thing. You're like, ah, it's close enough.

[Allison Rosen]

He.

[Dave Damaschek]

When we play three on three, when we would play three on three, you'd be like, I mean, like, his toes on the line. That. That's no good. You're like, ah, he meant it to be a three. Give him the three. Like.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Based on what? No, he doesn't get three for that.

[Dennis Miller]

I.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, when you're just going around with us, that's fine. Toes on the line. I mean, you know why? I'll tell you why. Because if your toes on the line, the shot is 23ft, 11 and three quarter inches. And if your toes behind the line, it's 24ft.

[Dennis Miller]

Feet.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the same difficulty to me that that's why I'd always give you The. I wouldn't argue about it. My team, your team, Toes on the line. Doesn't matter. You pulled up and drained one from 24ft or 26ft or wherever the stripe was over on the blue top. And you deduct a half inch. Still just as difficult. To me, if it, if it was five feet, I would definitely bring that up. But to me, you get kudos to you for draining that 23.99 footer. Do you know what I'm saying? That's the thing. And it's the same. It's the same in softball. When a guy makes a good play, you know, and, you know, goes backhand deep in the hole, throws across his body, looks like a tie at first base. I'm always like, that guy's out. Because that guy made a nice play. It should be rewarded.

[Dave Damaschek]

I get you. My, My gripe. My, My primary gripe, watching the playoffs is my perennial one, which is rip the domes off these stinking joints already. It's no good. Atlanta in the Dome. It. How about that? When they go that. It was in such sharp relief to go from Heinz Field and then go to the. To the, to the. You know, the Dome. Crisp. Too clean.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Inside, they got to get rid of that. But the other thing is these beer commercials, we've talked. I mean, you've hated them. I've hated them the world over, I would think, has hated these Coors Light commercials. The fake talking to the coaches thing, which. Those are bad. But I gotta say, there's a new. There's a new champion in my book for worst beer ad. It's those. It's. I think it's the Bud Light ones.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, where they, like, go to the bar with the hot.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yes. Every. Every bar has.

[Brian Bishop]

Has foxy bartender, foxy bartender.

[Dave Damaschek]

All bitchy. They're all bitchy. It's always like, all right, that's. That's not realistic, so. Oh, really? So you just give shit to every customer who comes in, you condescend to them and you demean their. Their clothes?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You get paid minimum wage, so tips is all you got, bitch. And you're gonna demean every dude who comes up there. Number one and two, the guy.

[Dave Damaschek]

I mean, they're. They're so. They're so absurd.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Dave Damaschek]

Cartoons. So the guy's like, what, you don't like my dragon?

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Like, well, but yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

And then his friends don't like him really either. Like, he goes over and they're all normal fellows, but they hang out with a guy who wears a dragon that runs from the top of his shirt down to his ankle.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's, it's, it's.

[Dave Damaschek]

And he's embarrassed about it. Then why are you in it in the first place? I don't get it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's horrible. It's a horrible comedy premise because it's like guy walks up to the bar wearing assless chaps and nothing else. Oh, maybe some like kissing potion. And he's got a huge beer gut. Like he looks, he looks like hell with his shirt off. And he's wearing the, you know, the he. There's one where he's at the beach. He's wearing like the Euro bikini, but yet he's in horrible shape. So first thing is he walks up in horrible shape. And guys in horrible shape, they wear a Hawaiian shirt and you know, shants to the, to the bar. They don't go up there in their underpants. Hey, what's wrong? Hey, you don't like what? Pasty lactating guys with no muscle tone. So that's. There's a flaw right there. Like why does the guy have to wear the super tight pants? There's a super tight pants one? Yeah. Why is the guy who's 30 pounds overweight gonna wear the super tight pants?

[Dave Damaschek]

But he's not self aware. Except that he, he, he is.

[Brian Bishop]

He knows he's wearing the tight pants. He thinks it looks good. Except for, for comedic effect. He must be fat, so it can't look good on him. And then he returns to his gaggle of male buddies where this seems to be a running joke.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, thinks he's a jack. They all think he's a jackass.

[Brian Bishop]

How did they infiltrate?

[Dave Damaschek]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember when I put you in hench on the one year probation?

[Dave Damaschek]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. This is why I didn't want any dragon lovers showing up, you know, invading my inner circle. Yeah, you got the guy. You got the guy with the super tight jeans. You got the other guys into dragon stuff. They also just put a hot chick who sits at the bar. Every one of them has disapprovingly at the guy.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, yeah, it's. They drive me crazy. And then they ask, they. That's the other thing is they ask the guy, like, do you want more flavor? Or let's. I don't care. I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't like flavor.

[Dave Damaschek]

Who chooses who choose who goes up to the bar and has no. Just give me a.

[Brian Bishop]

Whatever you got. Yeah, I don't care.

[Dave Damaschek]

Whatever.

[Dennis Miller]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And then he, he returns to his friends who are out of Central casting, as they say. It's, it's, it's, it's two black guys and three white guys every time. There's no Hispanics or Asian guys or guys with yarmulkes or anything. It's just, just that. And they are the most casual, regular dudes in the world. The, the last guys on the planet who would hang, you know, if they're a bunch of Bowie fans or something, maybe they'd get along with the guy in the dragon outfit or the guy with the tight pants. But these are the most regular guys in the world who somehow have been saddled, pardon the pun, with the guy with the super tight jeans. I, I don't know how they became friends. I don't know how they. He got into their circle. Yes, they're.

[Dave Damaschek]

I'm trying to think. I mean, just, are we hypocrites or do we have somebody? I mean, I guess Mike August is the closest to that, right? Somebody who you would say, like, well, I mean, he wears his.

[Brian Bishop]

But to be fair to him, he doesn't. He wears other people's clothes. Like, Mike's the only guy. Here's how fucking cheap Mike August is when he house sits for his brother in law. He wears his shoes. And I. And it's funny, I'll notice because Mike has horrible shoes. Somewhere between a saddle and a bowling shoe is kind of where his taste lies in shoes, you know, and, and I'll look at him and I'll go, yeah, those are some nice. Those are nice Pumas. What the. What's up? And I'm a brother in law. And I go, he gave you Pumas? No, no, he's out of town. Like, literally, like he doesn't want to put mileage on his soles while the brother in law is out of town. Like, well, you know, I own my car, but this one's a lease. So I'll just drive that one while, you know, until the guy comes back in. So he wears his, he wears a guy's shoes when he's out of town and he puts mileage literally on the guy's soles. But. So you could make fun of Mike, but Mike doesn't buy or wear his own. His own stuff.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, he's other. You talk about cheap. I. He's the only guy I've seen do this at Kimmel. There is, there, there are two lunches. There's a crew lunch that's put out on one floor and then there's a different lunch for the writers. He's the only one Who.

[Allison Rosen]

Who.

[Dave Damaschek]

Who stuffs it, by the way? He doesn't fit into either category. He's not. He's not a stagehand, he's not a union guy getting that meal, and he's not one of the writers. And yet he eats two huge heaping plates of both of.

[Brian Bishop]

This is why we have to. We should have done the documentary. Now imagine going on the road with Mike, going to comedy clubs throughout this great land of ours, sitting in a green room and having the waitress come back and ask him what he want. Anything on the menu is free. Go ahead and load up. He is getting ice cream sundaes and banana splits and wedges of cake and, you know, hot wings and, I mean, there's, you know, mozzarella sticks. Like, there's nothing he won't order. It's all. It's all free.

[Dave Damaschek]

He's the perfect guy. Then the next time we hear there's a casting call for one of these Bud Light ads, he could be one of those guys.

[Brian Bishop]

They're. The premise is horrible, the execution is bad, but it's just. It's wildly flawed. Yeah. Why?

[Dave Damaschek]

More or less flavored like August?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't care.

[Dave Damaschek]

Give me four of both. You're not. They're going on Corolla's tab. Right? Right. For both.

[Brian Bishop]

And no one's trying to fuck the super hot foxy chick who just flying solo behind the bar there like that. You're going to be dick.

[Dave Damaschek]

Tries to trade on all of our insecurities that foxy women don't like us.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Dave Damaschek]

Got to mind your piece.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, And. And another. And by the way, yet another basically dumb dude commercial. I've complained about this in my book quite a bit. You know, hey, hey, I'm a dude. I'm dumb. I'm the guy from Carl's Jr. I'm gonna make guacamole by putting a whole avocado in a blender and then drooling into it like, yeah, all right. By the way, and as I said all the time, the only reason you can do this as a society is because we're number one. We know it, you know it. That's why you can do it. You couldn't have an American Indian guy being an asshole. Hey, I have tight pants. Like, people would be outraged. Are you kidding? Imagine if the Carl's junior Guy was just a squanto, you know, Would never. People would be going nuts. He'd be burning the stage down. Do whatever you want with a white guy. Why? Number one, baby, don't forget that all right. Speaking of white guys, one of the whiter of the white guys, Dennis Miller, joined me a little bit earlier today for a rare taped conversation, but we didn't edit it, so enjoy yourself some Dennis Miller.

[Dennis Miller]

Jesus Christ. Had no idea you were a hipster. Hey, tell Jimmy the deconstructed sport jackets look good. Boxy works on him.

[Brian Bishop]

I will. I will pass that along to him.

[Dennis Miller]

I tuned in last night. I thought it was one of the playing cart twins from Alice in Wonderland. Get a fucking suit, he's making a buck.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I. I don't know how it works over there. They said we've had the same wardrobe guys since the man show. That's all I know.

[Dennis Miller]

How's life? You good?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm good.

[Dennis Miller]

Did the book sell?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the book sold really, really well.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Thank you.

[Dennis Miller]

Hysterical.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm so glad you liked it. And I'm. I thank you so much for the kind words, by the way.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, listen, you're one of those guys I don't have to prop up. There are guys I'm kind to. There are guys I'm accurate with. You're in the accurate category. That book floored me. It was so funny.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, thanks a ton. Yeah, it's been doing really nicely, and it continues to do.

[Dennis Miller]

You got another deal? Yeah. Another one?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dennis Miller]

How long? What's your process? What do you think it would take you to knock one off a year?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they. They. Well, you know what? Let's talk about this. We can. I'll tell you. I can tell you the next.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah, you're right. Let's talk about it in the air. What are we doing? Shooting blanks.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you ready?

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Welcome to the podcast. Something we don't normally do, but a pre tape. Because he's such a big celebrity, Dennis Miller is on the program. Dennis.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, thank you. I feel like Liz Taylor entering the town is Cleopatra. Thank you very much for letting me do the pre tape.

[Brian Bishop]

Same eyebrows. And I'm a huge fan of both you. And I just want to say this about Dennis Miller. I was always a big Dennis Miller fan. And then when I found out Dennis Miller was an Adam Carolla fan, I, of course, became a bigger Dennis Miller fan because I'm that kind of ass.

[Dennis Miller]

That book's the funniest book I've read in years. I'm telling you, 50 years will all be chicks. I picked it up at the beginning because I'm gonna have Adam on it, and he's got a book, so I started reading it. I couldn't put it down. I put it bedside. I never moved things to bedside that are for the show usually. You know how that works. I usually got a history book there, but the book killed me. I'd be sitting there in bed at night, and my wife would say, why does it Corolla's book? Again, I say, yeah, listen to this. And you gotta have another one in the pipeline, baby, because that one killed. Did it do well for you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it did well. It sold really nicely, thanks to all the people that are listening. And also, yeah, made the New York Times bestseller list and all that good stuff. And, yeah, we got a deal for another one, and I'm working on it as we speak. And Dennis has written a baker's dozen worth of books, right? Yes, Dennis, how many books have you written?

[Dennis Miller]

A snippet approach. You know, Seinfeld always said, the comedy. I'd say to Jerry, what's your process? And he said, my process? I sit near the faucet, I wait to catch the drip. And, you know, I always loved that pragmatism about Jerry's comedy. Well, how long does it take you to ramp up that book? Man, that killed me. Is that a year? Six months? What is that?

[Brian Bishop]

The next one should be a little bit faster, because the first one, there's such a learning curve going on. It insane. You know, your editor, when I say, you know, how long does the book need to be? Now, Dennis, there's something you need to know about me, and then I'm gonna interview you because I have a lot of questions for you. I'm a horrible student, and I was a horrible student, and I've always been a horrible student. So writing a book is like taking a fat kid and he's now in his 40s and saying, we're gonna have a big doctor tournament. And even if you've lost all the weight and even if you're in fantastic shape now, you still go back to the sixth grade when you're getting beamed by the utility ball and freak out just a little bit.

[Dennis Miller]

Sandy Koufax is on the other side of the floor winding up with a dodgeball.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I felt like. So when someone said. I said, well, how long does the book have to be? And they were like, I don't know, 80, 85,000 words. I was like, I don't know if I've ever thought 85,000 words in my life.

[Dennis Miller]

You must have some sort of. You must have some wire laying over your. Another wire in your head, like Dick Reardon. If you were a bad Student. Because you got such an agile mind. Do you have dyslexia or something?

[Brian Bishop]

No. I was tested for it and sadly I didn't. It's the only time you go in for tests where you actually hope that you have whatever they're testing for. You don't do that with hiv. You don't do it with testicular cancer. But this is the one test where you're like, please, please, let me have some excuse for floundering.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah. Give me some insight into this.

[Brian Bishop]

It's funny. Like, you don't have dyslexia. Really? Not even a dusting? No. Not even a sprinkling? No.

But it is funny. I was thinking. I was just talking about this yesterday because as a intelligent white man, every time I say to someone, well, I'm not very good at reading and I don't spell well, they go, dyslexia, I gotcha. But then I realized when a black man says that, we say another one fell through the cracks. Society let him down.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, folks, there's the book right there. 200 pages of those insights.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not our. Is it our sickle cell, Dennis? Like, can't black people be dyslexic? And how. Isn't it racist when we don't assume they're dyslexic?

[Dennis Miller]

Our sickle cell is a world class joke. I don't even know most people know what sickle cell is. I do, because I came from Pittsburgh and one of our best baseball players had it.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, maybe that'll be the next. Maybe the name of the next book will be our Sickle Cell.

[Dennis Miller]

I'll be there for that midnight book signing down there. Book soup, baby, if you name it that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Magic Johnson's book, Soup in Watts. All right, so, Dennis, but let's focus on you and your brilliance.

[Dennis Miller]

Let's peel me back first.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to compliment you. I just jumped onto my computer two days ago and there's a guy by the name of Pete Brock. Pete Brock's a little bit of a legend in racing circles. Worked with Carroll Shelby. He invented, or I should say mostly designed, the first car, the Cobra Daytona, that won the championship for Ford, which is the first time an American car company had ever won the manufacturer's championship.

[Dennis Miller]

They beat Ferrari, Cobra GT. What was it, a 420?

[Brian Bishop]

It was 427. Big block. So I think had a big block. And the point is, Pete Brock is sort of a idol of mine because I love racing so much. He also agrees with you politically and sent me a clip of your most recent one hour standup special where you were talking, I think saying what a lot of people think about the Muslim world, except for you put it into words. And he passed it along as basically, here's a piece of gospel we should all be listening to. Here's a clip of Dennis Miller talking about Al Qaeda essentially. And I know as you get older, same thing happens with me. You start going from jokes to sort of, you start talking about social issues, policies get a little more political. Did you find you were always that way or did you turn.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, I mean, my job description at SNL was to do daily events and I gravitated towards this. But listen, man, I think if we're ever going to have a discussion between any groups in this world, we got to start calling each other. We got to let them know that we're hip to their bullshit and that doesn't make us hate all of them. And I'm not a bigot. And there's a lot of Muslims out there going, yeah, yeah, we know we can't be believe this is going down this way. We can't believe these nuts are repping us right now, are fronting us. And you know, they'd like to overturn it too, but we never even have a talk about it. And they must sit there and think. Does their silence indicate they think we're all whack jobs and I just wanted to come out and be pragmatic. Of course it doesn't. There's a billion six of you, for God's sakes. Of course I don't think you're all uniform. You can't get 10 guys at a party to order the same pizza, much less a billion six. Thanks. On the same page. I know the great number of them, but they got some lunatics and we need their help. We need an Islamic Serpico. So I thought I'd just come clean, lay open our fears to them a little and also give some of the things that we're going to call them on some of their bullshit and see if we can go from there.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, Serpico had the beard, I think hey to do it.

[Dennis Miller]

But he was in the Oak Ridge Boys. That had nothing to do with political affiliation.

[Brian Bishop]

So, Dennis, speaking of politics, so believe it or not, I'm friends with Alec Baldwin and this just to show my range, I'm a big fan and like to say I'm a friend of Dennis Miller and Alec Baldwin. Everyone goes up to guys like Baldwin and says, what about political office? When are you running? What about it, but I feel like they do that with our friends on the left quite a bit. But they don't seem to do that with guys like you. Or maybe they do because it seems to me like you'd be pretty good at it. Is that something you've thought about?

[Dennis Miller]

I would say this is the difference between Alec and I, I sense periodically, and I think he's a great talent, but I think he believes his own rep. I don't. If I'm the politician in this country, this country's really fucked up. That's just the truth. I'm a comedian. I think if somebody. Nobody comes up to me and says that, because I know they'd look at, you know, I'd look at them and go, you kidding me? First off, could I be less interested? And second off, if I'm qualified to be a leader of the biggest country in the world, then we really are in a deep fuck. I think Baldwin says, yeah, I'm thinking about it. That's the difference. Listen, I'm not casting anything. I don't know him that well, but I do know I can't take myself seriously as he seems to take himself sometimes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, it is. Yes, he does. He's also. Yeah, yeah. He's also, like you, a major fan.

[Dennis Miller]

I am the lucky recipient of one of his. One of the minor Baldwin brothers falling out of Bordello of Blood. I think it was Zeppo. At the last, Baldwin and I took the lead role. So I'm indebted eternally to the.

[Brian Bishop]

Baldwin just picked that up on Blu Ray. Yeah. So let's talk about your career for a second.

[Dennis Miller]

It's right next to the Bob Crane discography.

[Brian Bishop]

Start off doing stand up. Am I correct?

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Discovered by the great Lorne Michaels, doing stand up at the Comedy Store.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah. That's a tough audition, man. They take you into Times Square, you're up on a second floor. Lauren has everybody from Saturday Night Live in a room. Set designers, costumers, a couple of his friends, Paul Simon. You get. They call you in the room. You don't know what's happening. There's like 20 of you sitting outside. You say you've got eight minutes. Go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

It's insane.

[Lemmy Killmeister]

You're looking.

[Dennis Miller]

Write down the scope of your whole life, man. And I can see in retrospect that the whole purpose of the audition is not to see how good you are, it's to see if you flinch or not. And I didn't flinch, so I was lucky enough to get it.

[Brian Bishop]

But you seem to be I mean, there's, you know, stand up comedians come in many shapes and forms. And there's this sort of Dennis Millers and maybe then there's the Doug Benson. And Whereas, you know, he's like a bong that just fires buckshot out of it. You're sort of a sniper on the roof with your hat turned backwards. I never see a sort of reaching for a word or fumbling or tripping or. And I'm sure you could tell me an instance or two. But you're so concise when you're upstate.

[Dennis Miller]

I got one monkey trick. I got a reasonably different drawer and a nice retrieval system. It feeds my family. I don't take it any more serious than that. I get paid to not be caught out. And you know, listen, it's like Penn and Teller. Once Penn was on the road with Penn, he never hipped me to anything really serious. But he did show me the cups and balls. He said, stand here and watch the cups and balls. And I watched it. And you're thinking, christ, how do they do that? And then he moved me 3ft 6 inches to the right. He said, stand here and watch the cups and balls. You see the whole thing go down. It's like slide Dini bringing the, you know, the snot rag around your back and flipping it over your right shoulder. You never see it if you're positioned wrong. So I figured out at some point I got paid for an alacrity of language and not getting caught out and coming up with some metaphors here and there at the drop of a hat. And that's my monkey trick. And I tell you what, I don't know what your comedy runs on. Mine runs on adrenaline and fear that I'm not going to make a good living. And I don't make it any sort of from the stone moment, any imbued with any sort of sacred muse, I make it. If I don't bust my ass and continue to deliver whatever a Dennis Miller joke is over the years, I'm out and I gotta go work for a living. So that's why I do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I, you know, I'm the same way and I always tell people. And you know this now from hosting a syndicated radio show. And I guess I should just tell people because it airs at different times depending on where you are around the country. Just go to DennisMillerradio.com and you can find out. It's a great show.

[Dennis Miller]

I mean, I'm not in it. I do it because you're one of the few guys that makes me laugh. Well, I look at it to get plugged. That's sweet of you though, because we're both in the radio business. But you know, Adam, if you go into the radio thing, laying down the Arthur Murray footprints thing, and then I'll do this and then I'll do that, you're screwed. You've got to at least trust that that light comes on and you can just. I don't know. I saw you run in one night. You and don't. Dr. Drew were nice enough when you were doing the Loveline thing. My kid idolized you, so I bring him down one night, it's 11 o' clock, around 10:55, you run in off the 10 west and literally you're still hopping and puffing. Dr. Drew's been there for 14 hours doing Hitchcock, like storyboarding on what he's going to say that night. You jump into the chair and just started stream of consciousness. I was reading the E. Cummings Lone Ranger poem or something, and it just. And I remember that when I first started doing radio, the image stuck in my head. I said, better or worse, you're better off finding out after a month that you can't do stream of consciousness. Because if it's about preparation, if it's about figuring out exactly what you're going to say every day, you're never going to make it past a month anyway. So that was a key moment for me, watching you do that. It was very funny. I can't even remember what it was about. It was like, you know, Regis had that right. God bless Regis. He's stepped and dime. But, you know, he said the reason is, all right, I need you to be interesting, quasi interesting for 17 minutes.

[Brian Bishop]

He'D say, go, yeah, well, I. And as someone who's hosted a show and been a guest on a show, you know, I always put out when I'm on other people's shows, and I never do it for them. I do it for me because people are listening and I don't want anyone sitting in traffic going, corolla ain't funny. That's why I do it. Now, now, the good news is you end up getting a good spot on your show because of my ego. But I am amazed at how many comedians are willing to come onto a syndicated radio show and sort of mail it in like this. Don't feel like they want to burn the calories. And the thing that's insane is I always say to them, look, if you're at a club and you in front of. Of 240 people.

At some place in Atlanta. Your chuckles in Atlanta. There's 240 people in the room. You will sweat through your T shirt burning calories, trying to be funny because you have an audience in front of you. It's 240 people. Well, now you have a million people or 750,000 or 2 million people, whatever it is, take that club and just go ahead and put five zeros behind it. That's how many people you have in this club, except for they're spread out all over the place. They're in their cars, they're at home, they're in their bathrooms, they're in their bedrooms, but they're there and they're all in the same club. There's no two drink minimum. Now. Now sit up and make those people laugh and stop pretending like we're the only two people. Like we're talking into a Campbell soup can with a piece of yarn on it going across the. Across the sofa.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, you can tell that both you and I must have some proletariat roots because I operate under the same assumption. I'm like Pete Rose. I run everything out the first, and I guarantee, even if it's an All Star Game. And Ray Fosse gets between me and a punchline, I guess his shoulder gets broke because I'm going in head first.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Ruined his career. You know, the guy I was trying to think of, somebody said to me, just out of the blue yesterday, I was doing an interview, and somebody said, favorite sports icon or hero? And I like sports, but I don't have one of these things just queued up where I just spit out Franco Harris or Joe Namath. So I said the minor league catcher who threw a potato over the third baseman's head so that the runner on third base would jog into home plate, where he then tagged him with the real baseball.

There was an actual story where the guy brought a potato out there. I guess he peeled it so it looked like a baseball did a move where he essentially, you know, tucked the real ball in his hat or, you know, in the webbing of his mitt and fired the potato 20ft over the third baseman. He didn't let the third baseman in on it. I guess he wanted that kind of organic reaction of him jumping up and trying to get it and chasing the potato down the, you know, left field line. But the guy trotted in, he tagged him with the ball, and.

[Dennis Miller]

And then they were Stephen Hawking with Tacoma in the pcl, if I'm not mistaken. He had the tight Strike zone. It was like Eddie Goodell, the midget who played for Bill Veeck. They couldn't pitch to him. I would have thought you would have named either Vito Antifermo or Carlos Monzon or Neil Griffith. You wouldn't. What were you, a light heavy middle.

[Brian Bishop]

Where are you? I was a light heavyweight. And, yeah, I love. I would say, in that case, I would probably go with. Well, you know, was a great boxer or a crazy boxer or just a fun guy. Max Baer Senior, like, you know, he did. He did. He would do these moves where he, like, got. The guy behind the head, punched him with his elbow. And then when the ref separated him, he'd sort of look at the ref like, I don't know. And then he'd sort of gesture to the guy, sorry, I screwed up. And then he'd punch him again. And then he'd say, sorry, I screwed up again. Like, he was clearly insane. And it was just a.

[Dennis Miller]

There is a black and white footage of him, isn't there? I think.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Dennis Miller]

Back from that Primo Carnera days and stuff like that.

[Brian Bishop]

He was just insane and.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, I always liked Marciano. Two things. He's like. He's like the chick who wrote To Kill a Mockingbird. It's one and off. He never lost. And he also said, I don't go in the ring. He's like Chuck Berry. I want cash. Oh, I want it in a sprout shopping bag. I want cash or I don't fight the fight.

[Brian Bishop]

The reason he's not with us is because somebody owed him some cash and he got on a private plane to go get it.

[Dennis Miller]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'm gonna ask my engineer partner, Donnie.

[Dennis Miller]

Here's a Sienna nugget. That's beautiful.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how he met his demise. Sort of of Buddy Holly. Ask in a. I think he was.

[Dennis Miller]

He was with John Denver in the experimental plane. Can I have the propellers on the front of the plane? Is that all I need?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. They were. They were going to write a song called the Day the Fisting Died, but it. It got a little. It got confusing. It got confusing.

Let's see.

[Dennis Miller]

The Day the Fisting Died.

I like it, baby.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. The guy. The guy from. The guy wrote American pie. Don. Don McLean.

[Dennis Miller]

Please don't annotate.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry. Let's see. Let me figure out how he died. Let's see. I got it up here. On his 46th birthday, he was a passenger in a small private plane. By the way, it's so weird when you get old because, you know, when you're a kid, it's like, ah, Marciano, he had a good run. You know, he's an old man, 46 years old. And then you fly by 40, 46. And you go, wow, he's not that old.

46 years of age. Let's see, Donnie. Let's see. He was a passenger in a small private plane, small Cessna, and he was heading to Iowa. And it was at night and the weather was bad, but the story was he was going there to collect some money from some dude.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah, some Jayhawk who owed him bread. Out in the. You owe it. They will come. He was out there in the corn felts. Here comes Rocky Marcia. Imagine that opening the door. You got the champ saying, I want my cash.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, just saying Rockies at the airport is probably enough to get you to just go ahead and FedEx out the bread.

[Dennis Miller]

That's the call that Nelson Rockefeller never wanted to receive when he was talking on top of Megan Marshak in the Comfort Inn out there in Des Moines, while on the stump, they call and say, rocky's up here. That's the last thing he wanted to hear.

[Brian Bishop]

It says on Wikipedia that he's going for sons, friends, something. But I think he was probably doing a little double, pulling a double shift, because I know he was picking up money at the same time.

[Dennis Miller]

But either way, heavyweight champion back. Matt.

[Brian Bishop]

So, Dennis, so you're. That's. That's the big break. I'm. I'm. I'm guessing getting back to Lorne Michaels, discovering you at the Comedy Store and then calling me in for the audition.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, you know, Franken and Davis actually saw me there, and they bring you into New York, and then you audition for Lorne, but Lorne doesn't listen. Lorne's not coming out. He's not doing the Henry Higgins thing. You know, they bring Liza to him. But, yeah, they saw me at the Comedy Store. And then I go in, and then I do season and they whack everybody. It's like the same Valentine's Day massacre, except Lovett's, Nora and I. And then the next year, they asked me to sit in auditions. And you feel like you've arrived, and then Carvey gets it, and then Phil Hartman comes in, and I'm sitting in on the audition like the other people were with me. Hartman does his thing. I look at Lauren, I go, this is sick that I'm sitting here judging a cat like this. I gotta go. You gotta let me out of here.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel.

[Dennis Miller]

I feel tainted. That I can't sit in judgment on a genius like that. Next thing you know, I'm looking over at the bench they got kneeling. They got Jan Hooks, they got Dana Carvey. Mike Myers shows up in mid season, and I'm starting to think, wow, I might be part of the 27 Yankees here. I'm just going to try to get on base because we got some big hitters.

[Brian Bishop]

Hartman is one of those guys I miss comedically. Like, they're celebrities, performers, writers, comedians, and they're guys that pass away sometimes just through old age and then other times through tragedy. And there's always that little part in your brain when somebody passes away, Whether it's someone you've never met in a country you've never heard of, or somebody in the family. There's always that sort of part in your brain where you think, other than this human being now, what am I missing? Is there some money that I'm missing? Is there something that I'm missing? Like, there's a weird narcissist, narcissistic, selfish part. When somebody goes, like, if you had, you know, if you ran a garage and the best mechanic you had died, your first thought would be, man, that's horrible for Phil and his family. And then your next thought would be, I'm out of a mechanic. What am I gonna do for a mechanic? When Phil Hartman died, I had this feeling, and most of the time when celebrities pass away, it's this kind of thing where you go, well, that's tragic, but I'm not gonna miss his work. Phil Hartman. I feel like Phil Hartman and John Candy were two of the guys where I went like, wow, I'm sad I'm not gonna be able to hear Phil Hartman on another Simpsons episode.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah, he was a seamless man. It was like Billy Mazeroski turning double play for the pirates. The ball was in out of his glove on its way to first. He was the glue guy there.

[Brian Bishop]

Was that the guy with the sickle cell?

I just. I just heard the name. I just heard the last name Dennis and did the math.

[Dennis Miller]

But he was a sweet man, too. And God, he made me laugh. And the things that he found funny used to make me laugh. They were such tiny moments. They did a sketch once called Teeny cafe, where it was a cafe that was so exclusive in New York that only four, five people could fit in it. Lovitz was the pianist. Nora was the chanteuse that was singing. Phil was Halston. Naturally, Halston's at every club. There were two other people at the table with them. Lovitz is singing, sauna, send in the clowns. And Phil calls me into this room. He goes, watch this, watch this. This is a good moment. And Phil's talking to somebody. And over his shoulder, Lovett gets the live, where he says, isn't it gay? And Phil just does a minor look over his shoulder like he's been outed. Right. And that was his favorite moment in the sketch. That's that sort of deftness, you know, that delicacy that only real geniuses have.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Miss that guy and. And his work. You. Let's get back to you.

[Dennis Miller]

But I got these stacked up like planes over out here because I gotta rock out on the next one. So we might need to wrap with this next one. I'm sorry about that, but they put four or five of you do these.

[Brian Bishop]

You're sure? No, I did a bunch of them yesterday. They were horrible. So I'm sorry you have to go through that same indignity.

[Dennis Miller]

I enjoy talking. I'm just saying I can't.

[Brian Bishop]

Married for how long?

[Dennis Miller]

I've been married for about 23 years now.

[Brian Bishop]

23 years. And live up north of LA. Because I'm sure you just couldn't take it out here.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, I don't know. I wanted to. I found it weird when the guy at the dry cleaner would ask me for a headshot. He had one of his own. He had been in a Quincy somewhere in the 70s. It was just too much about the business, Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I can dig it. And raising the kids up. Up north. And having your cake and eating it, too, because you're able to do your show from a studio in your home, correct?

[Dennis Miller]

It's 40ft from my bed, man, so, you know, I can't even call in any morning, say I'm stuck on traffic on the 405. But it's. It's a great gig, you know that, man. It's fun. It's pathetic. It's the same shit I used to tell shrink for 200 bucks an hour.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Dennis, you know what? I say we take our relationship to the next level.

[Dennis Miller]

You ever want to come up here, babe, I got a place to. She can stick at a nice beach house. Come up.

[Brian Bishop]

I would love that. And next time you're in la, I'd love to give you the tour of my pad as well.

[Dennis Miller]

Well, I must tell you, brother, that book bowled me over. I haven't laughed that hard in years. You're a great comedy mind, man, and I'm putting you on the rush more in My book, Nobody kills me like you.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks the great Dennis Miller. Such high praise from such a talented man. DennisMillerradio.com is where you go. Thanks a ton, Dennis. We'll talk soon. And that was a little.

Zig or a zag, if you will, for the Adam Carolla Show. Little pre tape with the great Dennis Miller. And now back to the program.

This week on Spider and the henchman, the great A.J. delario from deadspin.com comes by to talk about, you guessed it, Brett Favre. Say word only on ACE Broadcasting Network, bitches.

Yeah, Back with the great Sheck. That's right, Dave Damaschek, Daves of Thunder heard right here on ACE Broadcasting. And we're talking a little football. That was a little Dennis Miller.

[Dave Damaschek]

Let me ask you this. I have a few things I'd like to ask you, Adam. Yeah, so many things I want to.

[Brian Bishop]

Get to very quickly.

[Dave Damaschek]

First of all, Allison Rosen, But I before, well, not first of all quickly, since Dennis Miller. We just heard him.

I, you know, I'm a big fan of his stand up, you know, loved him, but at some point he just shifted into being sort of like Joe Piscopo did with getting all juiced up and muscled out. Dennis Miller is now, you know, obviously is a, is a big conservative voice now. Well, it's a strange sort of turn for, for, I mean, because most comedians, correct me if I'm wrong. I mean, my experience has been that they are, that they're mostly left leaning. I mean, arts people tend to be.

[Brian Bishop]

That way or whatever.

[Dave Damaschek]

But, but it's a weird thing, isn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know, it's weird. I would say this for the right leaning guys and not the left leaning guys. The left leaning guys, you know, Bill Maher, whoever else, all the other you know, comedians, Jeanine Garofalo, whatever, their leanings come out early and often. I think it's a safer environment, it's a safer choice.

The right leaning guys, it's a little dicey, you know, it's tantamount to being gay and it being 20 years ago. And it's a kind of a thing where a 33 year old Dennis Miller may be thinking, I'm hanging around with all these hipsters doing Saturday Night Live. If I start talking about how much I love Reagan, I may be on the outside looking in. So I'm gonna play this close to the vest. It's sort of like, you know, Liberace going, I gotta pretend like I'm a confirmed bachelor, otherwise no one's gonna show up to my Vegas shows. You know, I gotta. I gotta. It's not safe.

[Dave Damaschek]

You wouldn't win. You wouldn't win college kids who will probably populate the comedy clubs and so on.

[Brian Bishop]

I think. I think it's just. I think if you think gay and you think about, you know, Elton John's career or Liberace career, just anybody where it wasn't Lance Bass or whatever, anyone where, like, wouldn't be safe to come out. You're in a boy band, the girls are going nuts and throwing panties at you, and you're vomiting into your mouth. You can't have that. I wonder if that ever happened. Like, Lance is on stage doing a little bye bye bye or something, and a panty landed on him, and he.

[Dave Damaschek]

Was like.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta shove a cock in my mouth so I don't shoot vomit out all over the first row. That must have been. That must have been just insane. Like all the Ricky Martins in the world and stuff.

[Dennis Miller]

Like.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, you had to keep up that. That ruse, right?

[Dave Damaschek]

It's awesome. If Timberlake and the rest have no idea. Like, Right. That girl was real. There were three girls all over you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

I'm feeling under the weather.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody. But they must have been like, oh, yeah. Because the roadies are like, hey, man, I'm gonna go out and pick out some hotties and bring them back. Oh, no, it's. Oh, okay. And then they come back.

Yeah, I just had my cock sucked, so I'm in my refractory period now. Timberlake's dressing rooms down the hall. You want to suck his cocktail? It's not that I don't enjoy it, and I love it. I love the ladies, but I'm just gonna. We got a nice cheese buffy. You ever had Havarti? Have you had a party?

[Dave Damaschek]

Weren't we talking about chicks?

[Brian Bishop]

Huh? It's awesome. Yeah. I mean, it must have been weird with the roadies and stuff. Like, there's. There's so many chicks just throwing themselves.

[Dave Damaschek]

Sometimes in life, though, like, we've talked about. I mean, you know, the bricashaw. Ferguson had no choice but to be a football player, right? Lance Bass, you know, he had to be gay. You know, he didn't have a choice in the matter. That's the way that was decided for him.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if we get his picture from people or us. Was it the I'm gay picture?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's really the only time really made.

[Dave Damaschek]

While we're looking. While you're looking for that. So you have a new news girl. Allison Rosen. How do you like her so far?

[Brian Bishop]

I like her a lot. She's, you know, she's sort of this. That's the picture, by the way. And the only time I've. Well, I make my wife laugh on occasion, but the only time I really made her laugh is we had this, the copy of People where he's sitting there, and it's a big picture of Lance Bass, and he couldn't look gayer. And it says in huge letters, I'm gay. But I told her it could read the new face of Al Qaeda and it would still read, I'm gay to me. Like, there's nothing you could print on that that wouldn't read I'm gay. First I'm gay. Then it could say, new face of Al Qaeda. But, yeah. Oh, it just goes to show, by the way, you notice we've left the guy alone.

[Dave Damaschek]

So true.

[Brian Bishop]

All we want is the truth, and then we move on. It's like this thing's like, everyone's obsessed. Everyone's a gay basher. Everyone's like, no, we're not. We just can't stand it when we think. You gotta understand. I mean, think about that thing. We'll talk about Alice in a second. But think about the thing. You know, the thing where somebody goes, hey, it's like a trivia. You get in this argument with your buddy. You know, hey, no, this. Know that, know this, know that. And then you go, God, it's bugging me. And you gotta figure it. Like, guys do this. Like, we got. We got to go to the computer and Google it and figure out I was right. You know, Pete Rose was. He was. He did play seven All Star. I told you he played it. You said he played in 11 all star games. I said he played in 16 all star games. And it was bugging me. And I went and looked, and that's what guys do. But now, once you're done with Pete Rose, you're done. You don't have to talk to Pete Rose or give your buddy a bowl cut or anything. It's a. It was bugging you. When guys we think are gay or maybe even know are gay aren't coming out as gay, it bugs us. And then once they go, I'm gay, it's like getting your Pete Rose All Star answer. You're like, okay, fine. Now, moving on.

[Dave Damaschek]

Listen, that is true. There are many examples of that, right? Steroid users. Jason Giambi announces, yes, I juiced. I come to. He doesn't say the word. I use steroids. Whatever. He basically says, guys, Yes, I did it. I'm embarrassed. I apologize. And I'm on the straight narrow now. He is free and clear of any punishment. The guys who sat there and lied though, right, are. I mean, Roger Clemens might wind up in the clink, you know, because he lied about it. People don't like it. Just tell the truth. And Kobe Bryant. Nobody thinks about his troubles anymore, you know, nobody. People will forgive you as long as you admit it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And back to Dennis Miller, I think. I mean, obviously there's two things that go on. You get older, you have kids. You know, people always start moving, right? As they get older, they get more conservative, they get family or, you know, that sort of stuff. So that's one thing. But the next part is as. I think there's a sort of coming out part. Again, much like the gay analogy where at some point Dennis Miller turns 45 and thinks it's safe to come out. Now I have established my career. I'm not going to be, you know, Lorne Michaels is not going to fire me. I should talk quickly about a couple of sponsors of ours. 01 Media, by the way, authorized Apple dealer. They've got over 15 years experience. I think we have all our computers from these guys. Donnie, supercomputers set up. They fixed bald Brian's ipod. I hope that dick dropped his ipod. Did he drop his ipod? Fucking guy argued with me for two. Well, you remember that. Oh, you weren't there for the argument I had with stupid bald Brian. I was.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's his new name. Stupid bald Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no. He likes to argue for the sake of arguing. I was explaining. I was showing him my iPhone, the ipod, and all this stuff shaped like a bar of soap. It's all shaped like a bar of soap. Then you drop it or pops out of your sweatpants pocket. When you're getting out of the car, it hits the pavement, the screen cracks, and then when your a hole buddies goes, it's cheaper just to buy a new one. And thus Apple rings up another sales. It's easy. It's not knurled, it's not sticky. I have said to him, there are things in life that they want you to hang on to, like the grip of a gun. Pull a cop's gun out, wait till he falls asleep, but pull a cop's gun out. Look at it. Look at a police officer's firearm. Is it smooth and shiny and slick with rounded corners? No, it's like knurled. And it's made to fit in the palm of your hand. So when you fire It. It doesn't spin around three times in your hand going the wrong way. Do you know what I'm saying? Sure. I'll tell you what's meant to be dropped. A bar of soap. Essentially, the ipod and the iPhone is all shaped like a bar of soap. It then gets dropped, then you buy another one. And yes, they do sell three for every one they sell because you have to keep purchasing new ones. He argued with me for one hour on this topic. I said, don't you think if Apple wanted to, they could put it. They could make it so it wouldn't fall out of your hand, but some kind of grip on anything we said. Now all he did was sit and argue. And then his fucking phone broke. Fuck him. Where was I? Here's the deal. So your buddies are going to tell you you need to buy a new one and you don't have to. You can go to 01 Media center, send it to him if you're out of town. 310-651-4888. Tell him he sent you 310-651-8488. Or you can check them out online at 01mediacenter.com they do custom computers, like if you're editing or you're making films or you need something for your laptop, whatever. Mac.

[Dave Damaschek]

Can I tell you something? I've actually used that, and it is great. And I was surprised by how cheap it was. I know it sounds like I'm doing a commercial, but it's absolutely true. I broke my. My. The screen on my laptop and they. I dropped it in the mail. It was back two days later. Really cheap. It was.

[Brian Bishop]

And you live out here and you dropped it in the mail.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, you put it in the box. It was great. Really great.

[Brian Bishop]

Good times. Good endorsement for our good friends over at 01 Media. Hey, Dawson. Yo. Can we hear a little shot from the audiobook? By the way, I am pleased as punch to say to all you guys out there, thank you for taking my. My book and the audiobook especially, and keeping it up in the top 10 of iTunes, finally beating out shit my dad said, Jesus Christ.

[Dave Damaschek]

Everything's coming up Corolla, Stern audiobook. Real book. Yeah, yeah, it was 300k in downloads on your thing.

[Brian Bishop]

It was. It was really nice. So, Sheck, you could imagine me doing an audiobook because I hate reading. And then it was my book, and then I was just put in a studio and they go, we'll do it. You know, they do this thing where they go, well, we'll do three Four hour sessions and you just read your book. I would get two words and then go in on a rant. Two words going on a rant. But here's something I've talked about on this.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, that's kind of nice. So is that what you did? You sort of improvised over there?

[Brian Bishop]

People would prefer some of it I read verbatim. Although I'm such a, a shitty reader, I tried to avoid that. And the other part of it I went off on jags. And I think that what you're gonna hear is probably a little each. But something I brought up on the show but you and I have never talked about was I thought about what does somebody do when they write one of these salacious tell alls. I mean, like I wrote a book where I'm complaining about, you know, crappy LA food and you know, flavored iced teas and bitching and moaning about my childhood. But what about the one where I'm telling tell all book where like, and then Burt Reynolds fucked me in the ass? Well, the thing is, is you're sitting in a studio alone. Like I was just sitting alone and there's a huge window there and there were four strangers sitting on the other side of it. I was thinking like, and I think I yelled it into my book. Is that what the fuck did Mackenzie Phillips do when she was reading? I don't know, there's like four. And you start realizing as you're reading your crazy vitriolic rants you're stupid stories or you know, whatever, you're going, I got laid that night. And you're looking at a 24 year old chick who you've never met before, who's just sitting there with earphones on, who's listening to everything you say. Wouldn't it be weird if you had a book where your, your dad was having sex with you?

[Dave Damaschek]

It's remarkable to me people's capacity to sit there and say things like that in front of complete strangers. People go on Jerry Springer or Greg Louganis sits down with a camera crew all around them to do his greatest athletes of the century and utters the phrase Olympic champion gold medalist. And that's when my boyfriend raped me.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody must have said, someone on the team must have called him Lubanus at some point, right? There had to be guys who knew. They had the guys that knew. Hey, Lubanus, you're late. Doug, get on the 3, 3 meter board. Let's go. Lubanus, try not to hit your head anymore.

[Dave Damaschek]

We know. Listen, anyone who ever saw Just One. I mean, whoever saw Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield knows, right, that there are. There is such a thing as a diving team. Bul. Played by Johnny from Karate.

[Brian Bishop]

Johnny would have definitely dubbed him Lubanus, immediately had it printed on the back of his bathrobe. I cannot be the first human being that came up with. With Greg Lubanus.

[Dave Damaschek]

There's. There's no way. I mean, but have I heard it? No, but I. I also can't be.

[Brian Bishop]

It can't be. It cannot be.

[Dave Damaschek]

Somebody Google that.

[Brian Bishop]

Google. Google Lubanus. All right, let's hear a little audio snippet.

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, which is actually where I'm recording this book. Probably just about two miles away from, well, the Taco Bell I was rejected from. That's right. I put in an application at a Taco Bell on the corner of Magnolia and Colfax, across the street from my high school, which, in hindsight, doesn't seem like a great plan, sitting around serving Bell beefers and tostadas to guys you went to high school with. But either way, I put an application in at the Taco Bell in North Hollywood and was rejected. Do you know what you have to do to be rejected by a Taco Bell manager? You understand this concept? You are not Taco Bell material. I know you're 15 and a half and you just sprung your first pube and you're struggling with your sexuality and you're not getting laid and you're too small to play high school football, but here's some good news. You're not Taco Bell material. I'm convinced if you want in to apply for a job at Taco Bell, filled out an application by just wiping it between your ass cheeks and then handed it back to your manager by holding it up to his neck and shoving a pencil through it so that it went in one side of his neck and out the other, he would still hire you on as an employee. But no, not the North Hollywood Taco Bell. Rejected. So I ended up working at the McDonald's over in North Hollywood. Either way, I was 15 and a half. And I digress. And, boy, there's gonna be a lot of digressing. As a matter of fact, if you don't like digression, hang up right now or unplug or jump into a river, because there's gonna be some digression going on here. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what that word means, and I know I'm gonna be doing a shitload of it. Where was I grew up in North Hollywood, which has the word Hollywood in it, but may as well be in Kansas. Really has nothing to do with the business or the industry or Hollywood in general. Although Bob Urich, the guy from Vegas was about two blocks over from where my piece of shithouse was. I don't know what the fuck he was doing living in North Hollywood when he was doing swat. But either way, grew up in North Hollywood. Did I mention that? And just a working class community. My mom was very depressed. I think she would be severely depressed by today's standards. I think if a 14 year old Dr. Drew could have diagnosed my mom, he would have definitely put her on some Zoloft. But either way, she hung out in her room a lot, locked her door and yelled freak out. She was a child of the seventies. So she had. Well, I shouldn't say a child of the 70s. A retarded adult who lived in the 70s and who basically followed the rules of the 70s, which is a lot of depression, a lot of blaming the man and a lot of hatred of white people and white bread. She had something called a biorhythm wheel. She hated white bread because it was white. Look at that biorhythm wheel. And decide whether it was a good day or a bad day to leave the house. And that thing was always set on extra critical. So I'd say like, hey, can you give me a ride to Van Nuys in your VW Squareback that gets vapor lock and has retreads on it? And she'd say, let me check the wheel. And then she'd come back, bad news, extra critical day.

It's just good science.

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Biorhythm wheel.

[Dave Damaschek]

I First of all, I have been remiss in not getting the. The audio book. I can't imagine. Listen, the book you and the great Mike lynch banged out. Terrific. But I got to get the audio because that will. That is. That was fantastic.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a. That was a weak part way till we get rolling. So did now we, we. We punched in Greg Lubanus.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And it said. Did you mean Greg Louganis?

[Dave Damaschek]

There it is right at the top there. The Greg Lube Anus story.

[Brian Bishop]

They got loose Anus also good, I guess. Yeah, I like lube anus better.

[Dave Damaschek]

Lube Danish?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. So did I come up with that or not? No, I guess.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, see, but you're on the right track.

[Brian Bishop]

Great.

[Dave Damaschek]

But I didn't know about that. That was fantastic. Bobby Urich. I thought this was interesting. You know, the Late great Bob Urich.

[Dennis Miller]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

He, he played Rocky Blier.

[Brian Bishop]

How would you know that?

[Dave Damaschek]

In fact, why we talked about. I said I was a Steeler fan at the top of the show.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they're going back that far. Wow. All right. Played Rocky Blair, Bob Urich, by the.

[Dave Damaschek]

Way, I was at espn which is a sports network nominally. And they, I brought up Rocky Blier's name in a room of a half dozen 20 or 20 something year old guys who were employees of ESPN.

[Brian Bishop]

No one knew who Rocky Blair was sad in it. No one knew who.

[Dennis Miller]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, how is that possible? How do you. His story. Stepping on a landmine, blowing his foot up.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, back. He transcended the sport. But Blier. So I talked to the real Blier.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Dave Damaschek]

Once on an old radio show and we're kibbutz and then we're having a gay old time, you know, he's a swell fellow this, this Blyer is. And we're reminiscing about our glory days, you know, in the black and gold and so on. And I talked to him about Fighting Back the movie. And I say, you know what you think about Bob Urich? Were you flattered by who Hollywood saw fit to cast as you or was he good looking enough or do you think you're about on par? He's like, he said to me and he was not kidding around, he said, you know, Bob Urich's a good looking guy and you know, I think I'm a little bit better looking. But I thought that was, that was all right.

[Brian Bishop]

Bob Urich first off was 5 inches taller than Rocky Blier. Probably. Rocky Blyer probably was 5 10, 511.

[Dave Damaschek]

Or something was balding when he was on the Steelers.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. So God knows I love it though. I think, I love that.

[Dave Damaschek]

I wish I gave me that sort of self confidence.

[Brian Bishop]

There wasn't any, but he was the Ashton Kutcher of his day. There was nobody better looking than Bob Urich when Bobby Urich was 34 years of age. They was when he was doing Vegas. It was just a big strapping, great looking guy.

[Dave Damaschek]

It makes me crazy when I see people out there. Oh a Bly or you know, I give him a pass for his deeds on the gridiron. But it drives me crazy that this Kardashian, the ugly one, you know, whatever, what's. Which is the big, the, you know, Chloe with a K. That the heavyset lady. Yeah, I, she, I resent her because first I feel bad for her when I see her. I think, man, you got Dealt a really raw hand.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dave Damaschek]

Because you're, I mean, you're. What? I wouldn't look at you as an ugly human being. Except then I see you next to your two sisters and boy, that must be awful.

[Brian Bishop]

It's, it's. It's well known that she's the Jimmy Osmond of the Kardashians.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's right. She is the Cooper Manning of women.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right.

[Dave Damaschek]

She is. Cooper is Eli's brother.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And Jimmy Osmond was the chunky one who played the fake trumpet.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right. So, you know, I feel bad for her. And then I watch her on that show, on her reality show, and I realize she isn't self aware at all. She thinks she's a beauty.

[Brian Bishop]

She.

[Dave Damaschek]

She's married to an NBA. She has no idea.

[Brian Bishop]

Really gotten herself into shape doing chin ups on Lamar Odom's, by the way. So you haven't seen her lately.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's her secret.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's a prison.

You strap. You just do. You strap Lamar Odom's cock to your door jam and then you just do. You do chin ups. You do chin ups on it.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, yeah, I know she's bonerobics the. But yeah, she's awful. But I hate her because she doesn't seem to be aware that she is a beast. And then I resent her for not being self aware enough about because I, you know, I, I torture myself. You know, she doesn't, you see, and that drives me. That makes me sick.

[Brian Bishop]

You're the Rocky Blyer of podcasters and you question yourself when you look in the mirror. Yet she does. She's not.

[Dave Damaschek]

I. He had a debilitating foot injury that limited what he could do on the gridiron. I obviously have mental deficiencies which prevent my ability to crack wise, but I overcome with something called grit.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what.

[Dave Damaschek]

So who? The question is Hollywood making the Adam Carolla story? Guess what? Great news in 50 years wall be chicks. They're optioning it. They're turning it into a feature. Who's gonna play Adam Carolla?

[Brian Bishop]

Bobby Urich.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's not a good answer.

[Brian Bishop]

Bobby Blier. I'm gonna combine the two. They're the world's greatest actor, I'm convinced with a name as good as Bobby Blier, I could just get guys, oh, you know, signed on to this project. Who? Who? Bobby Blair. Oh, I know that. I'd make him an Australian actor. You know, Bobby Bliers Australian guy? Oh, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, he played.

[Dave Damaschek]

The southern DA in, in Alabama's Ablaze.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Mississippi Burning. Yeah. Bobby Blair. It's awesome. I'm convinced. I could convince people that he was an actual guy. Especially, I mean, from Australia or wherever. What's his net? Where is Batman? Where's Christian Bale from?

[Dave Damaschek]

Bale is English.

[Brian Bishop]

I think he seems somewhere in between. All right. Anyway, I should mention, by the way, Daves of Thunder. New episodes every Monday. Subscribe on itunes or you can visit days. I should say Ace Daves of Thunder.

[Dave Damaschek]

And also if I could say NFL.com I do, you know, I do my videos and nonsense and all that.

[Brian Bishop]

Please plug it, go over there. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dave Damaschek saying go Steelers. Mahalo.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that was Adam Cole Show 482. That does it for today's cruel classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new episode.

[Brian Bishop]

Until then, mahalo and get it on.

Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it, participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Coral and Dr. Drew show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is gonna be Jay Mohr. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring you subscribe [e-mail] substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack.