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Their bras make it easy to get what you want, whether it's ultimate cleavage, a smooth look, or stopping your shirt buttons from pulling. With over 60 sizes, including half cups you won't find anywhere else. You'll never be stuck between two sizes that don't fit. So stop settling for bad bras. Now's the time to treat yourself and get your Problem solved. Save $15 on your first order with code podcast15@thirdlove.com hello everyone. Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 14 years of the Adam Corolla Show. Corolla Classics airs every Saturday in the Adam Corolla show feed as well as during best of weeks and on holidays. There's a separate Corolla Classics feed for an episode that airs every Sunday. Our bonus show. Make sure you're subscribed so you can hear both episodes every weekend. That feed is titled Corolla Classics. We're also on YouTube@YouTube.com AdamCorollaCorner C O R N E R. You'd like to see some video clips. Check those out there. If you have any requests, please send us an email. Classicsdamcrolo.com I'll find the clip, I'll read your email and we'll play it. Let's get to the clips coming up first. Today we have Adam Crolla show 895 Dave Hill, Susie Essman Alison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This is the infamous Harper Valley PDA song And Allison shredding impression. This is hilarious. Check it out. You know how everything, and mostly little things, but especially unnecessary things bother me? Yes. I'd heard the Harper Valley PTA song a million times. I got it on my iPhone. And it's just a funny novelty song. And it was done in the early 70s. And it's done about. It's supposed to be a true story. And it's about that. She's singing it. It's the daughter. And the daughter went home. You can find me the date. Find me the. Anything on this song, please. The daughter went home and she was in trouble at school because she was wearing like a miniskirt or something. Trollope. Right. And her mom went in. 0,68. And her mom went in, and instead of like apologizing or saying, did my daughter wear a longer skirt? Or whatever it is, went in and socked it to the Harper Valley pta. Elise Keaton did that on Family Time. Really socked it, like with her fist or with words. Because at least Keaton punched someone more powerful with words. Yeah. I want to tell you all a story about a Harper Valley widowed wife who sings this song. Please. Who had a teenage daughter who attended Harper Valley Junior High. The household name, Jeannie C. Reilly. And she said, mama got a note here from the Harper Valley PTA. And for some reason, like 10 years later, they decided to make a TV series out of it. Oh, I guess they're talking about her. It's reported you've been drinking and. Or running round with men and going wild. That genius Sherwood Schwartz did the. Did the show that Fountain of Christmas. I can't believe he's using a 10 year old country song. He had so many original ideas. You know, like the Globetrotters playing robots on Gilligan's Island. And they were sure surprised when Mrs. Johnson wore her mini skirt into the room. Oh, yeah. So she's going to show them. And as she walked up to the blackboard, I can still recall the words she had to say. She said, I'd like to address this meeting off the Harper Valley pta. All right, now here's where I start to have a problem. Listen to the names. Well, there's Bobby Taylor sitting there, and seven times he's asked me for a date. So we got Taylor. And Mrs. Taylor sure seems to use a lot of ice whenever he's away. We got the Taylor family. What does that mean? She likes her drinks, she plays rugby, and she gets beaten up pretty good. Good. And shouldn't quit a Jones be told to keep her when the shades are full completely down. So we got Jones, Taylor, and Baker. Now listen. His Valley. Hold on now. You gotta stop it. Mr. Harper. Yeah. You're socking into the Harper Valley PTA. Are you plum out of names? Are you out of fake names? It's not. They don't rhyme anything with Harper. No. Taylor, Baker, Jones and Harper at the Harper Valley pta. What do they do? Sit around and write the song and go. I'm just out of last names. I'm thinking she got it wrong in the singing and refused another take. Cause she probably had Harper on the brain and just said Harper. Yeah. No one would write that it was originally Schlossberg. Mrs. Fagenbaum. But seriously, okay, you have a song that takes place in Harper Valley. Harper is a last name, a fairly popular last name, but there's also several thousand other fairly popular last names from which to choose from, and you can't pull one more out of your ass. You get Taylor and Baker and Jones. It's his valley. If you smell Shirley Thompson's breath, you'll find she's had a little nippogen. And where's Shirley Thompson coming from? Harper Valley. Hypocrites. All right, the point is, is there not a human being at that recording session? You can turn it down. There's not. At the recording session that goes. Perhaps we should just call Mr. Johnson or Jackson or something. What do we got here? Taylor, Baker, Jones, Thompson. All the names you got. But I feel like between the eight of us, we could come up with a fifth name. We could do that. Taylor. No, no, Taylor's on the list. Jones. No, no, Jones is on. We got to come up with a Baker. How about. No, that's okay. Hold on a second. Sheila, you're naming names that we already have. We have to come up with another name, but it doesn't have to rhyme with anything, so it's easy. We just. Baker. Well, what's your last name? Baker. Oh, shit. How about Valley? Oh, no. God damn it. That's not in the name already. Oh, fuck. What's your last name? Wasn't given one. Oh, sh. You're. And you're Baker. Yeah. Fuck. Hold on. Let's ask the engineer. Stu, what's your last name? Dude, Carl. Oh, you said last name. I said Stu. It's Stu. Carl, what's your last name? Hendershot. Stu. Hold on. Get the other engineer on. Carl. Carl, get on here. Dude, what's your last name? Thompson. Fuck. God damn it. This has been a wonderful reenactment. Toss you didn't know where I was heading there. Huh? Now, I'm not really good at improv. No shit. Toss your ass right out of the fucking ground. Goodbye, Hendershot. Goodbye, Stu. Karl Hendershot. I just thought it was a name that wouldn't work in the song. No. Hendershot. Hear where we're going. Hendershot wasn't bad. It wasn't that bad. My point is, they couldn't fucking come up with a fifth name. They had to go with Harper. Jesus Christ. And if they're gonna go with Harper, then make the song something other. Valley. Pta. Harper in the song. That's a good point. That's a good point. Sheila, what valley did you grow up in? Baker. No, Jones. Jones or Baker Thompson Valley. It's one of those. It's one of the common names in this town. I think it has to be Harper for some reason. But anyway, it bothered me. Bothered the shit out of me. And I'm still bothered. And now I want answers. I want answers. So, Brian, you would say that it was not written as Harper. That's my guess. She was just doing it. And if it was written. If it was written, somebody would have seen it went. Now it's the same name. Like, does he own the Valley? My wacky theory is that she's in the moment. She's a singer. She's got Harper Valley PTA on the brain. She said Mr. Harper and supposed to say Mr. Johnson. And they tried to get her to do a take and she refused. I don't know. All right, all right. Johnson would have been a good name. I like Brian's idea. I don't think that's what happened. That seems too far fetched. I think that they're just a bunch of tards. Mm. Or Harper Valley hypocrites. Yeah, they're just a little paint in place. There it is. Kelly's Bar. Just use that name. It is very possible that Mr. Harper was like just the rich guy town. And the school is named after the Valley. The school, everything's named after him. Could be related, though. He hangs out at Kelly's Bar. But that's, I think, maybe the point she's trying to make. Even the guy who this school's named after spent too long at the bar. So we can't be here today. All right? Could very well be. All right. Thanks for the two shits on my point. Normally it's just one Duke. All right, where the hell were we? Comedian Dave Hill is here. He's traveling. Dave Hill's in A band. Mm. Which is named for that name. Valley Lodge, actually. I hope that I got the name right, so maybe he'll have some insight into this. Yes. Valley Lodge. Mm. Hill would have been an easy name. Yes, that's easy. Just one syllable. Very popular. There you go. Well, you love Dave. Let's bring him in. Let's take a break. We'll bring Dave in and we'll do a little news with Dave. Be sure and check out some of the other shows on carolla digital@adamcorola.com and I'll be right back with Adam Caroll, available now from Corolla Digital Basic Cable. Commentary Showgirls with special guest Huel Hauser. Well, thank you, Adam. I'm very excited to see a movie about some girls who put on a show. Listen in. While Adam and Dana Gould as Huel HAUSER Watch the 1994 classic Showgirls. Yeah, you missed a very erotic scene there. What's happening in the movie now? Well, there's a black man and she's on his lap and she's gyrating and they're kidnapping. They're kissing deeply. Oh, I've got the dry heat. Just download the track and play it along with your copy of the movie. Only $1.99 on iTunes or at the store@adamcarolla.com well, we's back. Dave Hill in studio. Dave, good to see you. Thanks for having me. The book Tasteful Nudes is available as we speak. Am I looking up here on Amazon? And hey, if you're going to Amazon, go through adandcroll.com, buy Dave's book, and click on through the Amazon banner. Dave also has a podcast, Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident, that's available on itunes as well and the website davehillonline.com let's talk. Oh, you guys, you're a frequent contributor to American Life, which I love this American Life. Oh, thank you. What's not to like about that? You know what I mean? It's a great program. Yeah, it's so. It's so. It's simple, but it shows that I think we're wired. Like, no matter how much we crave things exploding and people getting stabbed in video games where you're taking people's heads off swords. Yeah. Something just about the theater of the mind with the stories that are told is somehow better. Yeah, yeah. It's a journey. And then you end up at the end and you're like, oh, yeah, that was pretty cool. Ira Glass, by the way, is coming in this Wednesday, by the way. And he's not Warren Sapp. Right. That's a different dude. Because we have Warren Sapp coming up. But I don't know if that's a typo or something. That's a different guy. That's not the same guy. That sounds different. How many Pro bowl years did Ira have over Tampa Bay? Or is that a different. We talking about a different dude, different guy. That was a rebuilding year for. Rebuilding year. Yeah, that's. It is totally where he's. He's coming in next week. Mm. Yeah. SAP's coming in. I mean, Glass is coming. Irish Sapp's coming in next week. Yeah. He's out of control. I was on stage with that guy at Caroline's, and it's the only time I've actually been frightened on stage. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's fucking out of hand. He's a loose cannon. Why can't he keep his pants on? Because he's drunk and he's hung like a black rhino, and he's got a dingle dingle you could skip rope with. I met. He'll be the first one to tell you. No, not just. I'm talking double Dutch. Not just your basic. Not last night, but the night before. I mean, pure, young black child. Double Dutch. Cradle with it. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you, he introduced me to his wife. And there's a moment when we were backstage at Caroline's and he just went in the bathroom, just started destroying it. I mean, literally, I could hear porcelain being broken. I mean, he just took a fuck. It's like he had a sledgehammer. I mean, he has a sledge. I think he did. He has a sledgehammer for a right hand. And he just started tearing, tearing the place up like a rock band. Yeah. And I just turned to her and I said, I'm so sorry. Yeah. I mean, I think she's living a nightmare. I mean, all you can do is try to stay on this good side. Yeah. And the night she comes home drunk, you just pull those covers over your head. That's it. You sleep in the bathtub, lock yourself in the bathroom. That fucking guy's out of control. That's. I mean. Yeah. All those public radio. Garrison Keillor. Yeah. Terry Gross. Oh, Terry Gross. She needs to be 5,000, 150. I mean, she fucking. She's out of control. Speedballs. She comes in here, I get a fucking Taser and some pepper spray. Has she been here? No, she's not. No, she's not welcome here. She's not welcome here. Yeah, I've heard enough. I've heard enough stories. She gets transported like Hannibal Lecter. We speak to her through Lexan. You know what I mean? And even then, you don't feel safe. You know, when you're in Utah or Detro, it's hard to explain to people about, you know, $4 million fixer uppers, but, yep, they do. No, I mean, even just the grout work alone on that place was like 200 grand. Yeah, I think at least 200 grand worth of sponge troweling. Is that a special kind of grout or just the way it's applied, sanded? Okay, here's the thing you might not know about Dave Hill. He's not just your average comedian author who also plays in a band. He's super duper good at guitar. Oh, really? Oh, really? I'm pretty. Really. That sound like shit. No, but like that. But the good version. Yeah, whatever. The good version. Well, let's. Can we find some of you, you know, going to town YouTube videos of you, you know, shredding. Say a name of them or something and then someone can probably pull it up? Yeah, there's a few of them I could pull up. Are you doing your own thing or hopefully covering Hocus Pocus by Focus that. Well, we do like a lot of Atlanta Rhythm Section. Oh, no. I am so into you. I don't know why I thought of that. Well, listen, if you can think of Phylicia Rashad, you can think of anything. When am I not thinking of. Decent point. Yeah. So you did not get laid in high school, but then got a ton of pussy in college. Because there needs to be a point when you're not getting laid so you can learn to play the guitar really well and then a place where there's an avalanche of pussy later on once you learn. I would say the avalanche was even after college. So you're still honing your craft and knowledge? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think I was afraid to. I mean, by the time I was 20, I decided, this is going horribly. I will never even try to kiss a girl again. I'm gonna wait until she tries. And so it's actually worked out. Had you struck out fantastically or something? No, all it took is one girl that I had already kissed and then we were, like, talking for a really long. I'm still friends with her. I feel like you could have sex with Moby and not be gay. Like, that would just be evolved. You know what I mean? Like, people go like, you'd Go like the fence about this one. Well, like someone to say like, hey, man, I was butt fucking this dude the other night. And people are like, what? It was Moby. They'd go, oh, okay, how was it? Yeah, was he spinning anything or that sounds cruel or what was that? All right, Stu Hendershot. Good job, Dawson. It's Adam Carillo show 895 from 2012. Coming up next, we have Adam Carola show 829. Teresa Strasser, Chris Laksamana, Allison Rose, and Brian Bishop. Chris is filling in for Ben's Folds. It's a hilarious chunk of the show. Chris tells the school bus story. And it's from May of 2012. I am Adam Carolla. That is Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Carolla Ann Bald. Bryan, how about you leave the joking to Adam and Teresa Strasser? Hey, Adam and Ben Folds joining us in studio. Yeah, Ben got some kind of food poisoning, couldn't make it in. And we'd set up the keyboards and done all this work. It was like, we're fucking having keyboards in this. So Chris Maxpata is sitting there. He's on top of the keyboards. Pleasure to meet you. Good to see you, brother. That was really good. And he can play a few things, that's all I know, actually. But we'll see how it goes. Mm, yeah, There is a little expectation when it's like, let's get the Asian and throw him in front of the ivory. Do you feel the pressure of that? I do. I'm terrified. What can't you guys use ivory for? Do you know what I mean? You ever think about that as a nation? I mean, you can get a boner, you can play beautiful music, you can make an abacus. There's so many. So much. I feel like you guys use the elephant like we used a buffalo. Our American Indians used a buffalo. Every part of the elephant. Now, from whence do your people hail? What country? What hell hole are you from, son? Well, I was born here, but I'm a Filipino. I knew it. Troublemaker. I was born here. Chris traveled this land in a school bus that had been hollowed out for homoeroticism. Right? Yeah. How did that go? And how old were you? I was 19 or 20. Could you play the piano while you talk, please? Yeah, Yeah, I was 19 or 20. Uh huh. And some friends of mine wanted to go on a road trip, so we saw a school bus and decided to buy it. How about leaving the jokes to Adam? Well, nothing's funny so far. So how does my Mic sound okay, Dawson? Why does it always sound weird to me? So you guys all bought a school bus? Like old school, Laidlaw style. Like how many seater it was? It was like a medium bus. Like, not everyone. It's not a short bus, but not one of those big ones either. It's right in between. There's 16 of us. We gutted the whole thing and just put carpets and beanbags, and then we took it across the country. And the worst part was it maxed out at like 35, 40 miles an hour because of the governor. You made a rapist van out of school bus? Yeah, but there were windows. What was the gender mix? It was 16 guys and 0 girls. I told you it was gay. Then put in a cheese scupper so it wouldn't overflow. So. And then you guys just set sail for where we did the perimeter. So we went from here down to like the, like Miami, just through the whole south, up to New York and then through the top through Seattle. And how long. How long did it take? A little over a month. It's kind of like one of those Visa commercials, you know, where that's like, oh, me and my buddies. Except for there's never any drugs or booze or chicks or anything. We try to get a sponsor. We actually. MTV was gonna pimp our bus out, but contrary to what the show looks like, it actually takes like 9 to 10 months to pimp a car out. Right. So we couldn't do it because we wanted to be able to do it in the summer. You guys just slept in the bus? Yeah, yeah. We two people would drive. We sleep throughout the night. What would you do for money? Or did everyone just save up? We saved. But the bus. The bus is about. We each paid like $200 for it. And then we. And that it was pretty cheap. And then we registered it as an rv and then we just paid for gas. But then the sweet part was in Seattle, someone hit us. Someone crashed in us and knocked us in a ditch and totaled our bus. No one got hurt. But. Well, you've pointed out, Adam, that nothing is safer than a school bus because we care about our kids. No seat belts, no headrests, no nothing. No one got hurt. It was funny because we were just. We were just coming back from Dairy Queen and we all 16 of you. Yeah, yeah. We were all just drinking our milkshakes. You're the guys that get behind in the drive through when I'm just fucking getting the Diet Coke. And it's like, oh, the guy keeps still ordering how many people are in that bus? Now? I picture you having eight milkshakes and each of you drinking out of two straws per milkshake. No, no, but that would have saved us some money. We didn't think of that. So you get hit and is the bus totaled? Yeah, it's totaled. Causes huge traffic jam. We make front page paper in Tacoma and gay hippies block traffic. Yeah. We even went to the ligature and bought all the papers, and people were actually mad at us because we caused a huge traffic jam. Right. But the insurance company. I guess it looks really bad when someone hits a school bus. So they paid us a lot of money. So actually the trip was pretty much free. Wow. And that was the end. That was the last leg. Yeah. And then we just. We just flew home from there. They paid for our flights and we just flew home. And were your parents cool with this? Yeah, totally. Totally cool. That means they don't like, you see, because your parents are. You know, there's certain things they can be cool with, and then there's other get the fuck out of the house things there. I think they're not supposed to be cool with this. I'm trying to think. Would anybody think about it, though? Just guys. Historical. Seen the Country School Bus? Yeah. There's a lot to repel. We're pretty young, too. We weren't. We weren't old enough to like. Like, going to bars or anything. Did you take away life lessons, like Eat Pray, Love style? Yeah, absolutely. It was just. We got like a little. It was like a little appetizer of each city. We stayed, like, in each city for like a. Like a day or two, so. And always sleeping on the bus? Yeah, well, not always. Sometimes we slept in people's houses. You could play a little piano when he talked. Sometimes we slept in people's houses. Like, people you knew along the way. Like, the guy's got an uncle that's out in Chicago and in Lowell, in Lowell, Massachusetts, our bus broke down and these guys came up to us and like, oh, where are you from? And we said, oh, we're from Orange County. This is the spoken word of the song. This was. He said play. Said play. How many times? This is. This is during the. The show that. When the show, the O.C. was on. So, like, oh, you're from the O.C. like, oh, yeah. It's like the show. And they called their wives and, like, you would not believe who's here right now. They're from Orange county and they threw a party for us and they're ethnic. And then one of the guys at the party was like, he worked on buses, so he fixed our bus for us. See, I always used to answer, where. Where are you from? Jellystone Park. Wow. Yogi and Boo Boo from that. I know him well. Would you like me to pass along anything before I head back? Talk to Mr. Ranger for you, if you like. Oh, come on in. This is awesome. You would do that for me? Absolutely. All right. I have much to share and oh boy, I got a million things. Something to do with the book. Something to do with the kids. A million one things. We'll get Ben Folds back in here real soon, Chris. You can tinkle away. How about a little Father's Day music? I want to talk. Man. Great here for a second. 100% cast iron. 100% Father's Day music. 100% Made in America steakhouse quality grilling right in your own backyard. No flare ups, no more dry meat. Guaranteed 20 bucks. I mean, this thing is just a bad mama jamma. It's like an engine block worth of iron for 20 bucks. There has to be more than 20 bucks worth of Detroit iron in that thing. I got this for my husband one Father's Day and he uses it. All right, that was Chris's Ben Folds Live on the keyboard. Coming up next, we have ADAM Carlos Show 637, Jordan Rubin, Allison Rose and Brian Bishop. From August of 2011, the slowed down Cherry Pie premiere from Rich Banks with Adam Stripper DJ commentary Warrant frontman Janie Lane. Hope and change. Everybody. Hope and change. In a Comfort Inn hotel room in Woodland Hills Thursday night. He was 47. Initial. Initial autopsy results were inconclusive and toxicology reports are underway. Lane had battled addiction for years. Vodka and prescription pills were found at the death scene. Rich Banks sent over a tribute. Hey, everybody. This is surprise. You may wonder why I'm wearing my black Warren shirt tonight. Welcome to Bob's Classy Lady. We got a two for one tequila night. Jade, stage four. Stage four. Jade. Oh, give me a minute here. Amateur night. It's Monday nights. Come on up, ladies with your grinning, drop your linen. Hold on. Excuse me. Give me a second here. Santana, stage four. That's Jade. I'm sorry, I'm just not myself. I'm sorry. Sorry. Here. Santana, Stage three. Jade stage four. Just do it, girl. Now put your hands together. Show me. Appreciate them fellas. I gotta believe if what's his name, Jamie Lame is here right now. He'd want you all to stand up, make it rain about now. Tell you what, that's the tip of the cap to Janie. Next 20 minutes, half off. All champagne mini bottles only. It's what he would have got. And again, our prizes are so cheap here at Bob's. Classy lady. We don't have a champagne room. We have a champagne room. As a matter of fact, we've been sued by the region of France. So it's actually sparkling wine room. That's all our lawyers will let us say. All right, everyone, light a candle. I stuck it through a paper plate. Here we go. Businessman's lunch. Got a businessman's buffet. Give me a minute. I'll be putting that song on my ipod. For when you're feeling too happy. Oh, boy. Nice job, Rich Banks. It's sad. All right, that was. Slow down. Cherry pie. A fan favorite. Coming up for our final clip today, we have adam curlis show 1547. Jay Chenasekar. Steve Lemmy. Joe Coy, Gina Grant, Brian Bishop. Before the Broken lizard guys come in studio, they're playing a round of Hobo Power to Joe Coy. Joe doesn't quite get the game. Check it out. Hobo Power, Something I invented on Loveline, I think the TV show a million years ago, which is a unit of stink measurement. And we have kilowatts and BTUs and all sorts of ways psi. All different ways to measure everything but not stink. And it's unsatisfying because you go, oh, God, this guy reeked. And you're like, really? Yeah. I mean, dude, this was bad. You go, or, yeah, dude, reek. But you never can assign it a number. Every other sense has. There's decibels and there's lumens and there's, you know, the Scoville scale for spicy. There's measurement. Every other sense except the one we really need it for, which is stink. So I came up with hobo power. Now, 50 to get to 50. It's a 1 to 100 scale. It's a 1 to 100. 50 is a cat that's been fed nothing but blue cheese, defecating on a white hot hibachi. And the plume that comes off, that's 50. That's 50. Now, 100 has never been experienced. I can tell you it's hypothetical. I have something. Really? You have 100? All right, hold on, hold on. I got something. Now, in my world, if you get to 100, you die. Yes. Like absolute zero. It can't really be achieved. It's a theoretical. Now, if you guys are gonna call in and tell me stuff that you'd like ranked higher than a 30. I need some vomiting or at least some dry heavy. I got something that doesn't have. Doesn't need any of that. Hold on. All right, well, then sit on it. Oh, boy. Potsi, until we're done, because I want to see if you trump these guys first. Dollar shave Club razors. Expensive. You don't need it, man. You don't need all the vibrating handles with the laser pointers and everything. I switch, you do it. DollarShaveClub.com, amazing razors, grooming supplies delivered for just a couple bucks right to your door. Takes two minutes to sign up. Never have to worry about razors again, ever, ever. You get the handle, and then they just send you the cartridges every month or every other month, depending on what you want. I'm bald and gillettes every week, and I just go through them. I spend so much money on them. Let's go to Dollar shave Club. But it's more the time it takes to go pick them out and find them. DollarShaveClub.com Adam DollarShaveClub.com Adam all right, Brian, you have an intro? Yeah, buddy. It's time for hobo power. Adam's unit of stink measurement. You give us your stink story, and we'll ra funk. All right, Brian, up here. 37 Brian, Arkansas. Long time. How's it going? Thank you, man. What's going on? Doing real well. I'm a little disappointed that I'm calling you on something as, let's say, not nearly as intellectual as I like to. But I do have something that I think the stench power or the hobo stench will rank right up there for you guys. All right, let's write down. We'll all play a little game. Let's write it down what we think. We'd rank it again. Are you the final arbiter of the number? Like everything, but we'll write it down. And remember, the 50 is the cat on hibachi. And look, I recommend some throwing up at 30, but if you have a real strong constitution, that's fine. Go ahead. Years ago, I was a intern with the attorney general in Georgia, and as part of that, I went through a tour of the Georgia Bureau of Investigations. As part of that, we went to the autopsy rooms and where they were conducting autopsies on people that had died throughout the state. That room, in and of itself was bad, but what was really tough was they took us into a room where they keep all of the bodies that are found in a state of decomposition. So these are bodies that are stacked up on tables that have been left out in the woods to rot for several months. They bring them in. That smell, that sticky, sweet smell was horrible. Sweet. But what decomposing flesh has got kind of a sweet coat. Yeah, something that makes it worse when things get really bad. They do get a little sweet smelling, like dumpsters get. Sweet smelling. Yeah, your blood is glucose and all that stuff. All right. What was horrible, though, is that in order to identify those bodies, they have to get down to the bones. They cook those bodies in industrial crock pots. Really slow cooking hands and feet. They don't want those to get mixed up with everything else because the bones are so small. So they actually have a little shelf with rows of crock pots like you would have in your kitchen, with hands and feet just bubbling in them. I just threw up in there. That smell haunts me. Yeah, that's pretty good. Boiled foot. Wow. That's starting strong in this game. Wow, it was tough. The only thing the stench I think would be worse is the stench of shame with my son was to dye his hair blonde for the summer. That's it. That's. Hey, my son's doing that. Yeah, well, pretty bad. Yeah. Well, see, now this has. This is not only the hobo power, but the macabre part of it. I imagine this is possibly a basement room or at least an enclosed room. Yes. Not ventilated. Oh, not ventilated at all. Because they got to keep it secured. And the people that work in this room, they don't smell it. You know, they've been so long that they're so used to it. I almost had to burn my clothes after leaving it. I would have. So there was the big crock pot for the. For the whole body and then the smaller ones for the hands and feet. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they're just like crock pots like you'd see in the kitchen. And they have signs on them that say, for laboratory use only. Do not use for your lunch. They're like kilns. Wow. One of those crock pots. Fruit punch. Yeah, that's the one you don't want to drink out of. That's the one you don't. Yeah, you don't want that one. It was tough. It was a tough day and it almost ruined my trip to eat barbecue afterwards. This close. Psychologically damaging is when you're the guy that walks in for the first time like, oh, my God. The other people are like, what smells? That's psychologically. How do you continue your first day at Work. When they show you what you have to do. Now you take the feet and put it in the small crock pots. That's when I quit fucking out of here. Cuts them off here, cut off the feet and put them in the pot. Now, this is your hacksaw. You lose this hacksaw, you have to pay for a new one. Are you just describing the plot of Winter's Bone? This is hurting, but I'm gonna write a number down. I already wrote one down. And then I'll justify. Has everyone got their number? Yep. Yeah, Joe, I gave it an 80. Oh. Oh, no, no, he's new. He's new. He doesn't know how to play the game. 80 is. It will push you in a coma, Gina. Well, because. Because of the entire scenario and because of the smell that you're smelling is rotting corpse. I'm going 45. I wrote down 45 as well. What are you talking about? How do you get to 100? I gave him an 18. Oh, no you don't. This is horrific. No, but this is. This is emotionally based more than it is scent based. At makes it sound like you would spritz it on yourself. No, no, no, no. This is lovely. I think this place is well ventilated. No, it's not. No, he said it's not. It is. It's psychologically, this is. Look, if you didn't know it was human parts, what would? This. The smell wouldn't overtake you. The smell can't overtake you because people have to work down there all day. Rotting bodies. But you know, Febreze will clean it right up for sure. Have you ever been in a funeral? Have you been in a morgue before? No, because I had to do a story and I was there and I was watching the embalming. I almost threw up several times. It is a horrible smell. All right, But I would argue I washed my hair like eight times. No, this is. This is more psychological than it is a factory. I guess. I think. I think if it smelled. If the smell was that thick in the place, that place needs to be ventilated and it needs to have some movement in the air. I mean, it's a facility. You know what I mean? This isn't you going into a storage. The fact that it's a place shed in Nevada and opening the door and finding a raccoon that was stuck in a mayonnaise jar, liquefied. You know, this is mostly psychological, Brian. Am I 37 year old Brian from Arkansas? Am I putting words in your mouth? No, I think it was something that you did not vomit at. I think you're probably right. It was a lot of psychological. But that sickly sweet smell. Yeah, I get it. But what I'm saying is if you walked into that room and you knew they used chemicals to process photos, you wouldn't have the same reaction. Right. And that stop bath is pretty disgusting. But you know, it's not a rotting body. Yeah, you wouldn't be overwhelmed by it. But see, you don't even know what a dead body smells like. That's my point. If you didn't tell me there was feet in that crock pot, I wouldn't be as freaked out. Sure. All right. Not bad, not bad. Thank you. Thanks, Mike. Joyce. Pissed? Yeah, I'm pissed. Yeah, because you. You only know like $0.03. It's like vomit, shit and pee and then. And if nothing can trump that. No, there's. But you never smelled a dead corpse before. That's like the worst we could possibly smell. We've. We've. But this is now in a controlled environment, essentially a lab. We have found. We've talked. What the fuck does that mean? We've talked to paramedics that showed up in apartment buildings in Nevada during the summer where the person had like, liquefied on the toilet. Okay. Kind of. Kind of thing. This is controlled. You know those, those honey buckets, those portable porta potties? Yes. Hey, they put blue fluid in there to kill the smell. It smells like fucking shit in there. That's a controlled environment. All right. I'm sorry. Well, you just. He has a story like. I meant 47. I meant to say 47. Will. Hey. Man. 33. Get it on hobo power. What do you got? So let me preface this by saying I started dating. Well, I have an iron stomach, first off. That's something that can't ever be like taken away from me. I'm the king of no gag reflex smells anything like that. I started dating my now fiance about almost three years ago now. And when I first started dating her, I noticed she had like a half golf sized lump on her back. And I asked her right away, I'm like, what's going on with your back? And it was. It was a cyst. It had been there at that point in time about seven or eight years. Wow. Yeah, I like where this is. Is this heading toward the Lansing? Did you make a YouTube clip out of this? You're gonna. You're gonna love this. Did you. Did you video it? Please tell me you did. No, I needed two hands. So sure. You're gonna have to beat off something else tonight. Yeah. So it was one of those things where it was there. She said that the doctor looked at it, said it was fine, it wasn't going anywhere. Had never gotten ahead or anything like that. Well, she got real. She got real sick? Well, yeah. Well, yeah, she got sick. There's pus inside of her. What kind of doctor did you go to? I. It's not going anywhere. Isn't a positive diagnosis. Oh, that's just pus. An infection. It's not going anywhere. She'll be fine. Go swimming with that lump on your back. Well, did she. Did you lance it or what'd you do? Well, she got sick and she used those shower tabs that, like, will effervesce in the shower and, you know, steam everything up. And after doing that, all of a sudden, lo and behold, a nice white head on it. Fingernail sized white head right on it. And I just couldn't stay away. I told her, I said, you don't let me pop it. Oh, I'm gonna throw up. How big now? How big are we saying? Golf ball. It just keeps coming out. Half a golf ball. Yeah, half a golf ball was the lump. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Can I interrupt real quick? What's your name again? We should do a side. Let's do a side thing. We're gonna grade the stink, but we should ask him. How long did it take to squeeze everything out? Oh, he's not gonna be able to really tell. I was getting there. Time stood still. I guarantee about at least 4,45 seconds worth of pus came out. Just squirting out. This is going great. Just. Just squirting. So, Will, what happened? Yeah, by the way, a nice hot, steamed shower will bring things to a head. Yes. Where was that doctor's information. Now, did you squeeze it or lance it? No, Lance needed because the. The head was so great. Yeah. So I began with full force pressure, both my thumb each side, arms fully extended. Yes. To the sound of triceps as it was shooting out for probably a good 45 to 65, 70 seconds. Oh, yeah, no, that's true. I've seen it on YouTube. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's like. Fuck it. It's like when the clowns come out of a car. They just keep coming out. It's like that. Yeah. Yep. She had a clown car in the back of her back shooting straight into my chest hair. Yeah. Smelled like the underside of a toenail like that. You know, somebody that might have been in One of those crock pots. The underside of one of their toenails. Just a sweet smell. Oh, my gosh. I. This became a daily routine for about a good 10 days. Yeah. And it was one of those where I would take a shower, and I couldn't wash the scent off of myself. I would garner and catch the scent. She finally, like, had to get it removed at that point. It was. It became infected after my. You mean when the bearded guy with no gloves went at it with his fingernails or infection set in. You never hear about that. Yeah. We should play this game live. Did you go for a real close shave afterwards or did you keep the beard? I've still got the beard. It's a little bit. It's a little bit shorn down now, though. Stinks. Yeah. And it's something. You know, it's ironic that I get to be on this show or on this. This game, because the other night, I woke up out of a dead sleep laughing about a cat fed blue cheese for two weeks, grabbing on a white hot stove. I woke myself up laughing, thinking about, thank you, hibachi. But thank you. Yes. Yeah, I know it's the hibachi. I got that. All right. All right. What do we want to. We want to write down some numbers. Now, this can really smell bad. I already said 83. When it comes out of you, it can be one of the most alluring. Smells nasty, oddly insanely bad, but somehow can't stop. Yes. Okay. He's got an iron stomach. I think I'm maybe too low. What about you guys? What do you guys have? I go high because I gag a lot. Well, I feel accurate for where I'm at. All right, well, actually, I'm gonna modify my number. All right. I give him a 41. And I gave him a 41 because it's sprayed on him. I mean, this smells pretty bad. There's not enough volume there, but it got in his beard. Adam, I don't understand this game. Your 50 is something you've never smelt before. I have. First off, before I did, this game was completely vetted. I have a tabby. I fed it blue cheese exclusively for over a week, and then I had it defecate onto white hot hibachi. And the plume that came off of it was a 50. So I've calibrated this. Adam said, that's a 50, and he passed out. That's right. Straight to the ground. I choked him out on five, went to the airport, went to sleep, went straight to the air, went straight to the verizon. Store went to bed. Yep, I give it a 41. I only have it at a 28. You're fucking crazy. I have it at a 38 because as disgusting and revolting as I'm sure it was, there was something oddly satisfying to him about doing this and going to and erotic. But getting sprayed on in the beard. That in the chest there really got to me. Listen, I don't understand what you guys are playing because. You ever pop a zit and squish it in between your fingers and smell it? No. Never once. You guys are turtle. I know. Adam, you have. Because I don't have that popping. No, listen, does it not stink? I had a carbuncle on my ass. I don't even know what that is. What is that? I had to look it up. I had to look it up. And what is it, like a fistula? Yeah, I did do a little of that. Maybe that's what caused it. I don't know. And I don't know why I have to get so personal. But yeah, I got the fistula and I don't know. Look up. Gary will give you the definition of a carbuncle. If a little tiny zit stinks. Imagine this mega zit that this man just squeezed out of his woman's back. This is like a million zits in one. So what'd you give it? I gave it 109. You're not playing the game. I don't know. He would have to be. His brother would have to be calling in on his behalf in order for 109, because 100 is death. Vaporized. I'm gonna say close to a 50. A 49 for sure. That thing stinks. Shall we read what a carbuncle is? Oh, my God. A severe abscess. Yeah, sorry. I'm really sick right now. A severe abscess or multiple boil in the skin, typically infected with staphylococcus bacteria. What the heck is that? A bright red gem. In particular, a garnet. I don't think that's the issue. I think I had that on my ass. I feel very sick. Mm, yeah. That's disgusting. That's very tricky, Lance. Work. Did you get it out? I did. So you basically had a staph infection. It's a staph infection. I don't know what. I don't know what it was. When that thing blew, it blew big. And because of where it was located. Yeah. Looked a little like gay porn when it was done, you know, maybe mopped up. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, who let's eat. I don't see why I shouldn't keep going. All right, so I want to know we have one more up here, but Joe's. Joe, I want to hear yours. Okay, so I already talked about it on your show once before, but I never described what actually happened. Okay, so this happened about eight years ago, and there was just like a scratch. No. Where are you going? Gina. Good pot. She's putting an air on. It's warm in here. All right, so anyways, I had the scratch in the back. Step out of the batter's box. I had a scratch in the back of my throat, you know, where the tonsils sit. I thought maybe it was a corn kernel. Like, you know when you get skin. I thought it was the skin. And I mean, I'm talking about. I'd have to say about a month of me just hacking, like, sticking my finger back there. I'm like. And just like, I can feel it, but it's not coming up. And I just keep going back there and grabbing it and grabbing it. I'm in front of Del Taco and I'm about to pay. Check this out, man. I'm about to pay. And I'm like, this fucking thing will not come out of the back. I mean, it's ruining my life right now. I can't get this thing out of the back of my throat. I finally take my finger and I shove it like I fucking in my head. I'm like. I'm a grab it with my finger and I'm a pull this fucking thing out. It was that bad. I stick my finger in and it pops out. This thing was the size of a dime. Okay? It was. It was a tonsil ball. I talked about this earlier. Oh, yeah. I get them all the time. I get them all the time. But this was the king fucking pin. It looked like a corn nut. You know, that bag of corn nuts. It even had, like a dark center. Mm. And it was just a gathering of fucking food in the back of my tonsil. And it just came out like a little nugget. And I'm just looking at it like, yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, so I squeezed it. I never smelt something so fucking horrific in my life. What number would you give it? I fucking threw up. You threw up? I can't even explain to you how bad this thing was. What number would you give? It was wet, fucking old food gathered up into a dime shaped ball in the back of my hot throat for about a month. I pulled it out, squeezed it. I fucking threw up. Then I had to let everyone smell my finger. Are you still outside of don't smell it? I was like, you gotta smell this fucking thing. It is the worst. And to this day I still pull tonsil balls out. I'll even tweet it if you guys want to see it. Okay, now they're little tiny nuggets, but I swear to God they pack a punch. Gina. Gina's kidding. She's on the edge. What color am I? She's on the edge. I'm telling you this off white. Adam, I will pull a tonsil out right now and just squeeze it in front of you. You have to smell it. All right? It's a combination of wet asshole hole with a hint of athletes foot pus, a dusting of. I'll tell you what I'd like to do. There's a reason why Love this game. It's the worst smell he ever smelled. Just hold on. And I couldn't believe it was in the back of my throat. Who's, who's our. Take a knee clip with Gary. Sorry. I'm going to try to do John Ridley. I'm going to try to do a little. I literally squeezed it and threw up immediately. I'm going to try to get. I'm trying to get. I'm going to try to get a little palate cleanser and pardon the pun for Gina. I'll pull one out for you. Gina, please work on it. I am not let. Gina. I'm not. Well, let's do a little palate cleanser. John Ridley, who wrote 12 Years a Slave and won Academy Award. He's, he's now on latest. Take a knee and we'll play. Gary pulled a little clip, so we get a little reprieve here. Gina. Okay, I'm listening. This is, this is cheap. I tried to be a student, and I mean a real student of all different kinds of writing. You know, if there's a novel that I like, I'll read it multiple times and really honestly try to break it down. When I. The films that I like, I really go back and I was watching all the President's Men again the other day to really break it down. Not just to watch it and put it on, but, you know, moment by moment. Why does this film work for me? What elements are really particular? So I think I've been a very good student of things and I think if one continues to look at the things that they like and really question why and you know, to use the cooking analogy, you know, you go to different schools and you don't just learn one type of cooking, just French cooking, but you really travel the world and say, you know, why is it this region? Why do they cook this way? What does it make particular? Why, you know, are the tastes in this particular area this way? I think maybe you can continue to grow as an individual. And I hope and believe I'm growing as a writer, but only because I love writing and I love that experience of experiencing other people's writing and other people's work. And that's how you win Academy Award, everybody. This tonsil ball smells so bad. I was gonna tell you. I don't know if you guys know what durian is, but I don't even know if I could talk about it now. But have you heard of durian? It's the. Wait a minute. He said yes. The painting that gets older while he says the same English. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're hooting the blowfish. You're thinking of a lead singer. Durian Hooker. Yeah, from the hooting the blowfish. Come on, Brian. A Thai fruit that smells so disgusting, it's banned all over Asia. You can't bring it into public. And somebody sent it to us when we were doing our daily podcast, opened it. I threw up in the bushes. And then someone paid me, like, 50 bucks to try it. It actually doesn't taste that bad, but the smell is like hot cat piss and tar and old onions. And it's the one thing from Bizarre Foods that Andrew Zimmern wouldn't eat. Couldn't eat it. He wouldn't eat my tonsil ball, I'll tell you that much. I don't care how you grill it, how you prepare it. You can have wasabi and ginger next to it. This tastes like fucking. The jam in the corner of your toe. Oh, wet toenail. And some of that like, old cotton balls that you find between your asshole and your. And your balls. There's nothing better. Smell that little thing. Nothing better than what comes off the big toe in the corner. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Mike. Sorry. 28 Philadelphia. What's up, gang? What's going on? How you doing? How you doing, Joy? Oh, God damn it. What's happening? I had to throw it in there. I. I saw the. The tweet. I've been walking up Broad Street. Yo, Adam. I really might be in your dad's neighborhood right now. I have no idea where I am. I'm on. Anyway, you're in. You're in South Philly. You're in South Philly. I'm In. Yeah, I'm in. Literally, I'm in South Philly. I have no idea where I am. Yeah, probably halfway up there. So all I know. Here's a. Here's a little tip. Here's a. Here's a little, by the way, tip of the tip of the cap for joy over here. When I was walking through South Philly with Mike August, and we're just, like, mattresses out on the street, and there's fucking trash everywhere. And the place just. I felt, for first time ever, like, felt bad for my dad. Like, I can't believe he grew up in this piece of shit neighborhood. There's literally one street that runs down the middle of it, and we crossed the other side, and it was like, wait a minute. Everything just got clean. Everything just got really nice. Like, what just happened? And I said to somebody, I've been walking through a fucking garbage barge for the last 17 blocks. I just crossed the street and everything got really nice. What just happened? And they said, oh, this the Asian part of town. I was like, oh, okay. And by the way, all you need is a broom, asshole. Perfectly. Hold on, shopkeeper. I was perfectly. One broom. Sweep to the side. Hey, you just leave shit alone. A lot of people all over the street. A lot of folks don't have enough. Enough money to not put mattresses. Yeah, I'm sorry. Broom push aside. That's all you need. Clean, straight. I. You know what? You're oversimplifying a very deep problem. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, I know, but you're straight. Why simplifying. You can eat off of the. I understand, but you got to understand, there's a lot of other socioeconomic situations. Explain one. Explain. Right. You're oversimplifying a very complex issue. Over shrimp or fry? Yes, you're over shrimp or fried? Over shrimp fry anything. Did you shrimp fry something? Yes, we do. 14.95, right? You're oversimplifying a complex social statue. Stop using a big word. Okay, you need broom. You know what? Sweet. You better start reading the Huffington Post and understand why it's much more complicated than simply taking a broom and cleaning your fucking steps. Yes, I know. I know. When people turn the curb stuff into a money thing, it's like. It's not a money thing. Fucking sweep your street off. It takes 20 minutes. As a matter of fact, you have more time than almost anybody to go out front and get your fucking lawn together or. Or the front of your house together. The money thing is always, like, you paint the fascia with a coat of primer that's 9.99. You get a weenie roller from Home Depot, and the rest involves a rake and a little. You doing some work done. Yes. Clean done. Just literally cross the street. And I was like, what the fuck just happened here? And they're like, Asian. And I was like, oh, it all made sense. And then every car crashed into one another, and I could sleep like a baby that night. So you're walking through South Philly right now? That's right. What's the Asian street? Where's the part you cross over Bruce Lee Boulevard right now? I'm in motorcycle country right now. So, you know Jackie Chan Avenue. Jet Lee Street. Asshole, I don't know where I am. All right, good. So what's the question? Hong Kong Phooey Drive. Okay. No, no, it's not. It's not a question mark. Thanks, Joy. Yes, please. I would. I suggest. To just get in the mood, I think you should turn off the air conditioning, because this is about heat. No chance. Gina's gonna blow, and not in a good way. All right? So I'm gonna. All right, let's go back to when you're. Let's just think about. You're 22 years old. It's a hot. You're going to a big concert again down in South Philly. It's one of those bands that Adam doesn't like. It's big. It's huge. Somehow I got a crazy front seat. Anyway, turning around, trying to high five my. My. My buddy, and I kept elbowing this girl in the head, and long story short, I ended up going home with her, and I had a. My game used to be. Because when it was the moment of truth, all the ladies used to say. Or maybe they do say, I don't know. They said, I can't do this. I'm on my period. And I used to always call the bluff. I'd be like, all right, whatever. Yeah, I do that, too. Cool. I also say this. Me, too. I'll pull out. We'll make some Thousand Island. That's the show, everyone. Well, but it always. It always seemed like it always. Hold on. Joe's laughing. That's the answer. What does that smell like? What do we rate that? One man made thousand alley. Minimum, 25. Oh, God. All right, that's. That's my answer. That was great. All right. Color bluff. Oh, fuck. Let's make gravy, baby. You got a Reuben. Let's go to town. All right. This is like South Philly. Gotcha. South Philly, June. It's Hot. It's humid. It's gray. So anyway, so I call her bluff. And you know that ten times before that. She won't you on the first date as a bluff. Yeah, like, she's got sunglasses on. I called her bluff with a roofie. Well, she's hurt a lot of me. The recall might even be worse because I put my face in there. I put my junk in there. I put everything in there. Good for sure. Anyways, Good for you. Good. And then, like, let's say three weeks. Three weeks later, you know, I had been drinking at the time. So three weeks later, I'm smelling like, oh, shit. I live in an old house in Philly. Maybe there's a dead mouse in the wall or something. Keep smelling like it's getting worse. Worse. And you know, the first three days you ignore it and be like, it'll go away, but it never goes away. So anyway, cleaning up my. Cleaning up my room. Reach under my bed, and I grabbed this white. I grabbed this white T shirt, and it's bloody, and I'm like, oh, what the fuck is this? So I pull it out and I open it up. Hit me right in the face in the 95 degree, humid, hot Philly weather. Yeah, just. I mean, the recall alone. The recall alone gives me nightmares. Something I. That line, it ended right there. You can't. Can't do that anymore. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was. It was a big, brown, stinky, dusty tampon, all expanded and everything. I never saw one in that form before, you know, Super Soaker. Yeah. Where's the blue liquid? Yeah, that's right. It was like the blue liquid, and it expanded out and it was. But it was dry and flaky and it was on my face. It looked like a mouse, but it wasn't a mouse. It was. It was worse. All right, thank you. I'll just declare Mike the winner. That was tasteful. Yeah. Wait a minute. You didn't even. No one ranked my. My tonsil ball. I am worried about Gina at this point. Thanks. I gotta step out for it. I'm really just. You didn't even rank my tonsil ball, Adam, seriously. All right, I give it a 31 hobo power. Smell you later. Yeah, it's in the back of my throat. All right, that was adam Corolla show 1547. That does it for today's Corolla Classics. Make sure you're subscribed to Corolla Classics, the separate podcast. You get the episode every Sunday. Until then, mahalo. And get it on.