David Alan Grier + Deaf Frat Guy (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Summary of "David Alan Grier + Deaf Frat Guy (Carolla Classics)" Episode

Release Date: March 21, 2025

---

1. Introduction to Carolla Classics (01:24 – 01:56)

Giovanni, introduced as Adam Carolla’s superfan, welcomes listeners to "Carolla Classics," a companion podcast dedicated to showcasing memorable moments, highlights, and fan-favorite clips from the 16-year history of The Adam Carolla Show. Giovanni mentions the availability of ad-free archives through Podcast One Premium and the Adam Carolla Substack, encouraging fans to request specific clips via email.

Notable Quote:

Giovanni (01:28): "We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics available through Podcast One Premium."

---

2. Episode Overview and Guest Introduction (01:56 – 02:08)

Adam introduces the episode featuring comedian David Alan Grier alongside Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop. He humorously references past interactions and sets the tone for a nostalgic yet comedic revisit of older show segments.

Notable Quote:

Adam Carolla (02:00): "It's an oldie but a goodie. Hope you guys enjoy. I didn't miss this dude."

---

3. Identity and Heritage Discussion (02:08 – 04:01)

The conversation delves into Alison Rosen's discovery of her Jewish heritage, highlighting familial secrecy and the emotional impact of uncovering one's religious background later in life. The dialogue explores themes of cultural identity, fear of being "caught in a Jew trap," and the complexities of heritage versus personal identity.

Notable Quotes:

Alison Rosen (02:13): "Just... the religion part doesn't mean anything to us. So why let other people define us?"

Adam Carolla (02:20): "Fear of a Jew trap."

---

4. Humorous Banter on Relationships and Identity (04:01 – 12:02)

The trio engages in playful and exaggerated discussions about romantic encounters, online dating pitfalls, and misconceptions about sexual orientation. Topics include the absurdity of catfishing, the challenges of modern relationships, and humorous takes on physical appearances and societal expectations.

Notable Quotes:

Giovanni (04:01): "You didn't go to yeshiva and get really Jewified after that?"

Adam Carolla (06:23): "Yes. Why not? Number one reason why you shouldn't have kids."

---

5. Comedic Skits and Improvisation (12:02 – 35:24)

The episode features a series of improvised comedic skits involving misunderstandings, exaggerated relationship scenarios, and humorous interactions between the hosts and guests. Themes include miscommunication in relationships, the silliness of certain societal norms, and playful banter about personal habits and quirks.

Notable Quotes:

Giovanni (14:05): "They'll think they're going hot. My... And then if you plant... That innuendo works."

Adam Carolla (19:16): "All right, let's take a phone call."

---

6. Discussion on Celebrities and Personal Experiences (35:24 – 63:19)

Adam recounts personal anecdotes involving interactions with celebrities like David Alan Grier, blending real-life experiences with fictionalized stories. The conversation touches on topics such as working in the entertainment industry, handling fame, and the humorous challenges of maintaining privacy amidst celebrity encounters.

Notable Quotes:

Adam Carolla (42:33): "Were you in the paper? Local teens heroes."

David Alan Grier (63:20): "No, no. No, no, but we had this little... that was happening."

---

7. Reflections on Relationships and Parenthood (63:20 – 84:00)

The hosts discuss the dynamics of long-term relationships and parenthood, emphasizing the importance of communication, understanding, and personal growth within marriages. They share humorous yet insightful perspectives on raising children, balancing personal interests with family responsibilities, and navigating the complexities of modern parenthood.

Notable Quotes:

Brian Bishop (76:43): "John, because I want to hug Alison goodbye."

Adam Carolla (83:00): "You must take a lot of teasing at school, and you must get a thick skin pretty fast."

---

8. Closing Remarks and Final Skits (84:00 – 150:34)

The episode concludes with more improvised skits, humorous exchanges about everyday situations, and light-hearted banter among the hosts and guests. Promotional segments for Pluto TV are interspersed, showcasing various streaming options and content offerings. The final moments feature playful interactions, fictionalized scenarios, and a wrap-up of the episode’s comedic highlights.

Notable Quotes:

Giovanni (150:14): "This is Adam Krillo show 778."

Alison Rosen (150:26): "They chuckle, they chuck."

---

Conclusion

This episode of "Carolla Classics" offers a blend of nostalgia, humor, and candid discussions, revisiting memorable moments from past shows with David Alan Grier and the fictional character Deaf Frat Guy. Through a mix of scripted segments and improvisational comedy, Adam Carolla and his guests explore themes of identity, relationships, and the quirks of everyday life, all delivered with their signature unfiltered humor and sharp insights.

Notable Overall Quote:

Adam Carolla (Various Timestamps): "It's about getting to know each other and just kind of discovering each other."

---

Additional Notes

• Highlights:

  • Engaging discussions on cultural identity and personal heritage.
  • Humorous takes on modern relationships and societal norms.
  • Playful interactions and improvised skits that showcase the hosts' chemistry.

• Guest Contributions:

  • David Alan Grier adds a layer of comedic expertise.
  • Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop bring unique perspectives and humor to the conversations.

• Promotional Segments:

  • Advertisements for Pluto TV are seamlessly integrated, promoting their free streaming services.

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, providing an engaging overview for both long-time fans and new listeners interested in the comedic and candid world of The Adam Carolla Show.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Five Hour Energy. Yeah, I'll tell you, I use this stuff when I travel. I need it because it's like late night shows, early morning wake up calls, heading to the airport. You can go to Five Hour Energy and check out Five Hour Energy's website to find over 15 flavors to choose from. With flavors like watermelon, Tropical burst, blue, raspberry, peach, mango, and more, there's a flavor for just about everyone. But it's really the results you're looking for is the energy. Check out regular strength strawberry lemonade, extra strength fan fuel, and more. You even have the option to build your own 12 pack or 24 pack. You choose the flavors and they'll deliver it right to your door. But if you're out and about, you can always pick up 5 Hour Energy and you do it in a shot at your local grocery or convenience store. You know, it's everywhere you get that energy you need. They are Five Hour Energy.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Coral Classics.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Giovanni]

This is the podcast where we play.

[Adam Carolla]

The best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show.

[Giovanni]

We have a companion podcast titled Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Classics available through Podcast One Premium, as well as Adam Carolla substack for the ad free archives adamcarolla.substack.com, you get the ad free archives for this show, the.

[Giovanni]

Adam Crolla show, the Adam Dr. Drew show, and the exclusive home of Adam's brand new podcast. Feed it out. If you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsdamcrolo.com now onto the clips.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming up, first day, we have Adam.

[Giovanni]

Krillin Show Episode 997 featuring David Alan.

[Adam Carolla]

Grier, Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop.

[Giovanni]

This one's from 2013.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an oldie but a goodie. Hope you guys enjoy. I didn't miss this dude. I have to suck him off first. Like, what's going. Why does he have a clipboard?

[Giovanni]

Wait, Allison, you just found out you were a Jew. Now why did they say by not telling you, you're not Jewish?

[Adam Carolla]

They're not.

[Alison Rosen]

Just.

[Giovanni]

But wait, what was their thing? We want to raise you as a gentile thinking person so you won't be.

[Adam Carolla]

Caught in a Jew trap.

[Alison Rosen]

Okay, I can tell you more. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Fear of G Trap.

[Giovanni]

That's better than this guy's story.

[Alison Rosen]

I can tell you more, but it's not gonna make sense. It doesn't really make sense. It was. I've heard of a Number of things, it was that the religion. The religious part doesn't mean anything to us. So why let other people define us? I think my dad's a lot older.

[Giovanni]

Like, how old? 100.

[Alison Rosen]

He's 100.

[Giovanni]

All right. Hitler wasn't that bad. We went to school together.

[Alison Rosen]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

He had some great ideas.

[Giovanni]

I'm just saying he went off Track.

[Adam Carolla]

You were 22 when you found out you were black, right? No, man.

[Giovanni]

I should talk, man, please. I lived in Detroit. Dude, are you crazy? I knew I was black. Every day I think that my dad.

[Alison Rosen]

I think it's a lot of fear. It's a lot of fear. It's a lot of feeling. Like there's so much discrimination.

[Giovanni]

Why let your culture and your heritage define you? But your last name is Rosen, and we look Jewish.

[Alison Rosen]

I mean, that's the thing, is that.

[Giovanni]

My whole life, it wasn't like. It was like, McGillica.

[Adam Carolla]

Her dad is a doctor. Oh, wait a minute.

[Alison Rosen]

That's what I said to them. I always said, why didn't you just change our. If you wanted to do this, why not just change our name? Because, in essence, what you did is make me look like a fool.

[Giovanni]

This is the crazy. This is the latest, craziest undercover ever, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

Did you go through hating him? For a while.

[Alison Rosen]

I felt betrayed because I didn't think that they would lie to me in that way. And I didn't think the lies would get that ridiculous. I understand. If I'm three or four, who cares? But at the point at which I'm saying, dad, we have relatives that died in the Holocaust. Our last name's Rosen, like this makes. And we have extended relatives that say they're Jewish. What the fuck? And that the worst anniversary ever.

[Giovanni]

You didn't go to yeshiva and get really Jewified after that? I mean.

[Alison Rosen]

No, that's the thing, is that I never did.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I understood. I can hear it. I can hear it in your voice.

[Alison Rosen]

I mean, you went to interview school.

[Brian Bishop]

I went through where?

[Alison Rosen]

Interview school.

[Giovanni]

Well, I just find you fascinating and slightly sexy, too.

[Alison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Doug, what's going on? Are we dating?

[Giovanni]

You know, driving over here, I am reveling in the fact that I am not in a relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

So are the women. They're fucking relations.

[Giovanni]

Wait, wait. Get back to the manti teal thing. I met a girl on Twitter. Listen to me. We spoke twice, and already it's like, I gotta meet you. I want to come see you. It was like. I mean, I can't imagine. The guys were.

[Adam Carolla]

Three years. Three years ago.

[Alison Rosen]

Do you think he's gay?

[Giovanni]

Well, here's what I think. Honestly, here's what I think. I think, first of all, the guy's kind of naive, you know, Samoan dude, he may be a virgin. Long story short, here's what I think. What people aren't saying is he got conned. Now I'm going off, when they went onto the campus, most 20 somethings, when you say, hey, I got conned on the Internet, they're gonna look at you like, duh, what else is new? That's one aspect. The other aspect is old. People are going, why would someone perpetrate a con like a catfish? It's not for money. Money. It's not for any personal gain. It's just to make. Just to do it. That doesn't make sense. They don't believe it. But again, they based a whole series on fat chicks who live in the basement with their mom, perpetrating this kind of fraud. It's never for money. It's never for any gain. Just because I thought I could do it. The third aspect is he got conned by a dude. He's 19 or 20. He's the biggest football player, one of the biggest football players in the country. He can't go on the national media after he punked himself and said, oh, by the way, I was conned by a dude who said he was a girl. I think he was conned. I think he knew at a certain point that he was being conned and he perpetuated the story. I think that's what happened. I mean, I don't know why, but that's just what I'm saying. I mean, it's. Can you imagine? You fall in love with a chick, then you find out it's some dude, and you're 19. That.

[Adam Carolla]

And here's the other thing, too.

[Giovanni]

I mean, you didn't answer that. Did that happen to you, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Why not? Number one reason why you shouldn't have kids.

[Giovanni]

Hi, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, Peanut.

[Giovanni]

No, it's me, Peanut. Online, Peanut.

[Adam Carolla]

Online, Peanut.

[Giovanni]

I was outside waiting for you. You said you was coming out. Then my friend Dee Dee came around and we went to get some French fries. We came back, you was gone. So we can't meet each other till next year.

[Adam Carolla]

What? No. Peanut, I want to hook up.

[Giovanni]

Oh, no, I can't because I'm on the space shuttle. I didn't tell you that?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Giovanni]

Ye.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know you were in the space program.

[Giovanni]

Right, but come on, it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Alison Rosen]

So wait you talked to a girl that you do. You talked to a girl twice that you met on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is just saying maybe.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

How do you know?

[Giovanni]

I mean, I'm telling you right now, this is the whole thing. The whole mode of Sobrino is, oh, let's meet each other. I want to see you. I'm not. You know what I'm saying? That's after two phone calls.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the deal.

[Giovanni]

I'm running out of breath.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Let me explain something. Let me explain something.

[Giovanni]

The Mangria is very challenging.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain something.

[Giovanni]

Okay. I tasted pencil shavings. Coffee. Coffee grounds.

[Adam Carolla]

Coffee grounds.

[Giovanni]

Fresh earth de terre.

[Adam Carolla]

It had notes of charcoal.

[Giovanni]

Yes. Hints of briquette.

[Adam Carolla]

Briquettes.

[Giovanni]

And burnt. Burnt wood. Burned wood. Smoky.

[Adam Carolla]

Working on the Better man, by the way. So that's coming up.

[Giovanni]

Better Man.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my cocktail.

[Giovanni]

Oh, they're working on.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the blacks are going to love it. So listen, how about Fat guy?

[Giovanni]

Fat guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me. Let me say this.

[Giovanni]

Chitlin Martini.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this. Fat chicks can sit around and have a fake relationship.

[Alison Rosen]

I had many of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

They're fat.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Giovanni]

How fat are you?

[Adam Carolla]

That's you. Thank you. You just. Do you understand how many years of therapy, all the compliments from before, everything and.

[Giovanni]

Allison, you're not fat. I'm telling you.

[Alison Rosen]

Oh, really? That's not what you said before. You said, you're not that fat.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he meant like that. Like that girl.

[Giovanni]

But what I'm saying is. I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you obese?

[Giovanni]

Were you obese when you were a little kid? Yeah, I was like, give me age 10. You're what, 250?

[Alison Rosen]

No, but, I mean, I don't know. What normal weight. I was a fat kid, Zach.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, you understand What? You don't understand what you just did?

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

No, I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what happened. Roll back tape, man. Let me tell you what happened. Let me see. Hold on.

[Giovanni]

Listen. This is a tape. I said you're beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. I just put out my picnic basket. I laid out all my food, I sat down, I poured myself a nice glass of wine. And then you threw a rock at a beehive that was next to my tree and then got in your car and sped away. You understand?

[Giovanni]

Let me look at this.

[Adam Carolla]

For a picnic, I have to sit here. No, no. I have to. I have to put this fire out my walls here. All right, Tag, honestly, there's going to be a lawsuit. She found out she was litigious at some point, as.

[Alison Rosen]

You said, you're not that fat.

[Giovanni]

I. I said, you know what?

[Alison Rosen]

I said, you're not that fat.

[Giovanni]

In black man talk. That's. You're.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't.

[Alison Rosen]

Paul, don't go racial on me.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't go racial. That's.

[Giovanni]

Just found out you were Jewish. I know I'm black.

[Alison Rosen]

What about years ago?

[Giovanni]

Well, let me tell you something. What I said was. And I take it to the listeners, you know, have them tweet in or whatever the y'all do you listen to. Hold up, hold up. Adam, from here on, look, what I said, guys in the booth. What I say? I said, damn, you look good.

[Adam Carolla]

Play it back.

[Alison Rosen]

That fat?

[Giovanni]

Play it back. I didn't say that again.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying you're not that fat.

[Giovanni]

Let's. Let's roll it back. What did you say?

[Alison Rosen]

You're pretty chunky.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me mediate that fat.

[Giovanni]

Now, see, I didn't say chunky.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me mediate for a second here, girl.

[Giovanni]

How you gonna get all that ass in a box for a present for me?

[Alison Rosen]

That's what I'm saying. You're not that fat.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he. I think that that was an unfortunate word and use of the word that. Because you said I was fat and he was surprised by that.

[Giovanni]

Exactly. Because you look so beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the part. I have the tape right here. All right, go ahead. Here's what Dang actually said.

[Giovanni]

Go ahead. You look so beautiful. I would like to play with your dirty pillows.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Bald bra.

[Giovanni]

Tommy. Thank you, man.

[Alison Rosen]

We are not. I totally remembered it.

[Giovanni]

So I would like to play with your dirty pillows. But, you know, look.

[Alison Rosen]

Sorry.

[Giovanni]

You don't look like you're obese to me.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Line. Line one. Parker. Oh, hi there. 27 Mississippi.

[Giovanni]

What do you think? Allison, honey, stand up. Let me look at your booty.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

She's.

[Adam Carolla]

She's gonna need some therapy.

[Giovanni]

You look good, baby.

[Alison Rosen]

You look good.

[Adam Carolla]

Break the glass for the. There's a guy with patches on his sleeves and a beard with salt and pepper in it. We keep back there, Dr. Mendelsohn, in case it's such emergencies.

[Giovanni]

Well, she's not. She just found out she was Jewish. Why he's got.

[Alison Rosen]

Now Parker's an architect. Parker, are you still there?

[Giovanni]

He's not going to. I am.

[Alison Rosen]

Do you know how I feel about architects?

[Brian Bishop]

And do you have.

[Adam Carolla]

Unfortunately.

[Giovanni]

Are you one of that?

[Alison Rosen]

Are you one of the good ones?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to think so, yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

Have you noticed that your colleagues are megalomaniacal? And kind of asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

Ish.

[Giovanni]

Well, you know what?

[Adam Carolla]

About one out of three are. See, that's an epidemic.

[Alison Rosen]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

Well, wait a minute. What did you. Why do you hate architects?

[Adam Carolla]

She thinks they're evil.

[Alison Rosen]

I have found Parker's an exception. But I found that most architects are megalomaniacal.

[Giovanni]

Can't you say megalomaniacs? You got to go megaloma.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, they're megalomaniacs. No, I never have.

[Giovanni]

But let me see your titties.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. Listen, listen, dad, hold on.

[Giovanni]

Let me get the fat back. Let me look the fat back.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna get slapped with a suit and a hand, all right? And listen to me.

[Alison Rosen]

He's poking my muffin top.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, can I call that.

[Giovanni]

I said on that cake. Hey, now what I'm trying to get with.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let me do a little E voice. E voice.

[Giovanni]

Ass.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't do that. We're not going to get through this here. It's time for Nicaraguan. Name that movie with Adam's buddy Oswaldo. See if you can guess which movie this famous line is from. The one constant throw all the year, Ray as Bang.

[Giovanni]

Baseball.

[Adam Carolla]

If you said Field of Dreams, the one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. You're correct. Now back to the show. What's his most famous one, Brian? Oh. Oh, yeah. Ozzy's most favorite. My favorite Aussie drop of all time.

[Giovanni]

What does modern marbles mean? What does modern bio mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Why is madam bienario main? I had to build houses with this guy, you understand?

[Giovanni]

Did you even get the right nails?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he would call me up from like Home Depot and I'd try to talk him into getting like. Get the. Alex's paintable caulk. Not 100% silicone, but the one that was paintable silicone. Fucking phone with the guy, it's like insane.

[Giovanni]

Dude, let me tell you something.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'll tell you, he did do flap steak really well, dude, I found.

[Giovanni]

Some frozen flank steak in my freezer. I defrosted it, opened my cabinet of herbs and Ozzie, he gave me his master mix.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got good mix.

[Giovanni]

I put it in a can, I put it in a bottle and put the label on it. Put that bad boy on there. Fried it up. There was a big ass piece. I cut it up in little strips. I ended up eating the whole thing. Thank you, Ozzy.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me.

[Giovanni]

Wasn't as good as mine, but Jules Maram, bienario mang.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you, Ozzy and his flapstake. I'LL tell you, it's all you need.

[Giovanni]

To know in life. Steak.

[Adam Carolla]

He calls it flap steak.

[Giovanni]

Okay, so is he saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Although I don't know what he said.

[Giovanni]

Flank steak?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, he's saying flap steak. He gets flak.

[Giovanni]

Can you Google flap steak, flank steak.

[Adam Carolla]

Skirt steak, they're all the same. I think.

[Giovanni]

I think they are.

[Adam Carolla]

He gets it from the Mexican butcher, which sounds like the name of an enforcer in a drug cartel.

[Giovanni]

Well, you know me. I went to Whole Foods. I went to the Whole Foods AIDS meat department. The black dude was like, flap steak. Hey, dawg, we don't have flap steak, man. There's no part of the calf that's called flap. We don't have flap steak.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they don't.

[Giovanni]

What does it say?

[Adam Carolla]

Man, that's too lowfalutin.

[Giovanni]

Flap.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. All right, so here's the deal.

[Giovanni]

What's up?

[Adam Carolla]

He.

[Giovanni]

Hold on just for a minute. I need to cut you off. Yeah, can I just do something real quick? Hey, dog, turn my mic up, man. Can you give me some romantic music? Because I got to make my thing right.

[Adam Carolla]

Flap steak is beef. Is beef. Steak cut comes from the bottom of the sirloin.

[Giovanni]

Okay, do flank steak and then skirt steak.

[Adam Carolla]

Just apologize, Dallas.

[Giovanni]

Hold on. I need some mood music, man. Can you give me some mute. Come on, ball.

[Adam Carolla]

What kind of.

[Giovanni]

What kind of mood sexy shit, man? Come on, R B. You know, something nice. No, man, come on. Do something. Like, do some old school Isaac Hayes or. Or.

[Adam Carolla]

Or.

[Giovanni]

Oh, Teddy Pendergrass. Turn out the lights and light a candle and I will rub you down. Cause you're not that fat.

[Adam Carolla]

I said turn it off.

[Giovanni]

Hey, look here. Can't get some reverb on my shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

So is this one called you're not that fat?

[Giovanni]

It's called you're not that fat.

[Alison Rosen]

Hey, I love this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Hey, Allison.

[Alison Rosen]

It's me, baby.

[Giovanni]

Stand up. Let me look at you.

[Alison Rosen]

I'm standing.

[Giovanni]

Damn, girl, do a turn for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop right there. Stop right there.

[Giovanni]

Oh, that back end is killing me, baby.

[Alison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Giovanni]

What I meant to say when I said, you're not that fat, what I meant to say is, damn, girl, if I had a soup spoon, I. I scoop you up like chocolate ice cream. You beautiful. Can you send my apology?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll wash your body. Oh, that's beautiful.

[Giovanni]

Thank you. Okay, thanks, guys. I made my apology. You make amends.

[Alison Rosen]

I feel a lot better than you make amends.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you really?

[Giovanni]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Find the white guy version of the song. Of that song. Which is. I'd like to get to know you.

[Giovanni]

I'd like to get to know you Yes, I would. Karen Carpenter. She could play drums. Excellent drummer.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody's gotta find. I'd like to get to know you by the way, white guys sing about all the stuff they're not gonna do to you. Like, I'm not gonna bring you down and I'm not gonna follow you up.

[Giovanni]

Black girl, get out of my life.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not that Satan. I want black guys sing about what they're gonna do to you.

[Giovanni]

And pound that ass. Put my shoe in your ass. Cut him out. I'm gonna box them titties.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we're getting the mono version.

[Giovanni]

This is the rapist song, right? Like, Ted, why are we parked in a forest?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just trying to get to know you. That's all. Right.

[Giovanni]

But you have Gaffer's tape.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, that's good for what ails you.

[Giovanni]

No, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison. Yeah? We're on.

[Alison Rosen]

Oh, I should.

[Adam Carolla]

We're on mono here. I felt you have to work that one out.

[Giovanni]

I mean it.

[Adam Carolla]

Really, Teddy, what else would you like to do to Allison?

[Giovanni]

I like to lick your asshole. I like to pound a bruise on your booty cheeks, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

What did Teddy do? Like, did Teddy, like, sit down and go, we gotta get black people fuckin. Wow. What can we do?

[Giovanni]

Teddy got caught in his. He got caught in a car. He got caught.

[Adam Carolla]

This is true. He was.

[Giovanni]

Got caught in a car with a tranny who was giving him head. The car crashed and that's how he got paralyzed.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Wow.

[Giovanni]

I'm not making that up.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I saw your very moving eulogy explaining that. Just beat for beat. And that was very touching.

[Giovanni]

Double. Double. It's like, teddy, Teddy, Teddy, you're gonna be fine. Just real quick question. What was it? And the tranny was fine, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Well, the trannies are like bumbles. They bounce. This is a white guy song. Yes, I would.

[Giovanni]

Hi, Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

It's me, Terry.

[Giovanni]

Do you know the frat handshake? Listen, I just wanted to tell you I just want to honor you. So I'm not going to be putting my tong mouth tonight. I like to do the open kissing, open mouth kissing. But I'm just going to gently grip your waist. I'm not going to go down to the posterior. Gosh, you're so honorable. Can we go to Sunday school again today? Take worship together, perhaps?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Okay.

[Alison Rosen]

Serious question.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, hold on. What would he do? I just want to know what Teddy would do one more time.

[Giovanni]

I Tie them titties in a knot, baby. And deep tongue your nipples. I call them cookie round, baby. I stick my tongue. I would tongue fuck ass, fuck you.

[Adam Carolla]

I like to spend the day. This is.

[Giovanni]

I would just like to twirl and twirl and twirl and do modern dance with you.

[Adam Carolla]

No promises. Yeah, okay.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's sing about what they're not gonna do. And black guys sing about what they're gonna do.

[Giovanni]

Look. Okay. Apparently I'm wrong. Flap steak is a cut bottom sirloin. Flank steak.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait.

[Giovanni]

Abdominal muscles do it like Teddy Pendergrass. Flapstick. I wanna flap steak you, baby. I wanna get your bottom sirloin and bust out that steak cot on you, baby. Then I'm on a flash. Fry your flank steak. Your abdominal muscles, Stretch them out with my dick muscle, baby. Let's get freaky. Oh, Teddy Pendergrass at his prime. Rest in peace, Teddy. Teddy Bear. That was a bad baby.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so wait a minute.

[Giovanni]

That was a panty dropper right there.

[Adam Carolla]

He was in a car with a.

[Giovanni]

Apparently. I mean, no, I mean, unfortunately, this was the story. He was in his Rolls Royce, tranny was giving him head. Homeboy lost control. Bam. Paralyzed, fucked him up. Tranny's fine. Tranny's fine. Tranny's fine. I. I gotta say, almost died.

[Adam Carolla]

There's some dudes that, you know, you think, well, what is this? Bi or gay? Or, like, what's going on? And then you think, there are some guys that are horny. Prison horny. You know what I mean? Like, the guys that are in prison, they're not gay. They're hornier than I am. You know what I mean?

[Alison Rosen]

You're getting head from someone, and then you realize it's a tranny, but it feels good. When do you make them stop?

[Giovanni]

Can I just be right here, speaking from experience. Teddy. Teddy knew it was a tranny.

[Alison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but here's what I was saying. Every time I'm saying, right? There are dudes where you go, oh, now, come on. That guy's gay. Like that certain thing where it's like everyone else in the Backstreet Boys is getting laid and Lance Bass is just going, I'm gonna go up to my room and catch cnn. All right, but that's gay. That's gay. But there's a point where your activity is almost so gay, it becomes straight again. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

A friend of a friend, Damon Wayne, Friend of a friend. So when he was a kid, there was one of his friends at school who had all these nice clothes. And he's like, what the fuck? Because they were all broke, you know, they grew up in a really poor neighborhood. He's asking this dude, what the fuck happened. He says, man, this dude gives them to me, man. He's like, dude, what dude? He found out the guy was letting this older gay man blow him, then the dude would give him clothes. So my friend goes, but that makes you gay? He goes, I ain't gay. He's sucking my dick. So my friend was like, but I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Is that what you're talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, what I'm saying is.

[Giovanni]

That's not what you're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it kind of is, but what I'm saying is I just wasted that story. You ever see the guys with the big calves and the ponytails that are survivalists, and they're, like, eating grubs?

[Giovanni]

I saw one of those dudes on tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Eating that shit. And you kind of. First party is like, gross. And then another part is like, he's more man than me. Like, he knows he'll get by, but also he'll live all the time.

[Giovanni]

Well, there's a survivalist show. Plus, a dude was barefoot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I'm just saying.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah. He's saying that that guy needs sex so much, he doesn't care where it comes from. And Adam's not that way.

[Adam Carolla]

He's straighter than I am.

[Alison Rosen]

He's so straight, he can have a man go down on him.

[Giovanni]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Alison Rosen]

It makes perfect sense.

[Giovanni]

You lost. Roll back. Roll back.

[Adam Carolla]

He's saying, I want to get that dude in the shower and loofah him up.

[Giovanni]

I mean, that's what you think.

[Adam Carolla]

Teddy Pendergrass is sitting around. What rhymes with loofah?

[Giovanni]

I don't think te with us anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. I miss him.

[Giovanni]

He made the final. He made the final curtain call. Am I right, fellas?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

He smashed Cracker Jack. But back to you, Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Are you yawning?

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

You're boring her.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's take a phone call.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a phone call up there. Like an anxious dog, Tommy? That's right. Nobody. No girls call no out of my demo.

[Alison Rosen]

A Harvard professor is looking for a quote, unquote adventurous woman who's willing to bring a Neanderthal baby to term because what he's going to do is. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Hold up, Adam. Is that Harvard doctor smart enough to see you got all that ass?

[Alison Rosen]

He's going to create an artificial Neanderthal DNA based on bone Samples.

[Giovanni]

You said artificial.

[Alison Rosen]

Artificial, yeah. And then put that DNA into human stem cells. And then a volunteer would carry that child to term and give birth to the first Neanderthal, Mitch Green.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the one we already have. Mitch Green. Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

I wonder if this will really happen.

[Adam Carolla]

I know there's gonna be a lot of religious groups that are against it, but there's gonna be a lot of high people that are for it.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I wouldn't.

[Alison Rosen]

I have a friend who's all about bringing the woolly mammoth back.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm all, why?

[Alison Rosen]

I don't know.

[Giovanni]

Well, you should ask. This is not a guy you're dating, is it?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Listen, I'm all about Jurassic Park. I'm fine with that. I like, you know, when people go, you can't play God. I love playing God.

[Giovanni]

There's one thing you don't do. Here's what I hate.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like people biting out of my ass.

[Giovanni]

No, man. I don't like, one of my friends has a puggerdoodle or some shit. That's different than a mongrel. They didn't buy their dog at the pound. No. She bought it from a dude and his fucking crazy wife chick. Who decided to invent a new breed.

[Adam Carolla]

But would you be like an Irish.

[Giovanni]

Setter and a poodle?

[Adam Carolla]

Would you be down with Jurassic Park?

[Giovanni]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not?

[Giovanni]

Cause did you. Did you see the whole movie?

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I checked out.

[Giovanni]

That's what's gonna happen, motherfucker. I don't want T. Rexes running up and down trying to kill me. It's enough that Allison and that T.

[Adam Carolla]

Rex, you know, we'll fit him with like an exploding.

[Alison Rosen]

Lose respect for me if I got a malta poo.

[Giovanni]

Yes. It's just stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't see a dinosaur, man.

[Giovanni]

We got dinosaurs.

[Adam Carolla]

They're called birds, okay, but you don't.

[Giovanni]

Want to see a alligators. That's a dinosaur, all right?

[Adam Carolla]

I just like something a little bigger. Like something that can crush my minivan.

[Giovanni]

You can't crush a din, man.

[Alison Rosen]

What's your favorite? Stegosaurus, Brontosaurus? T. Rex.

[Adam Carolla]

T. Rex.

[Giovanni]

T. Rex.

[Adam Carolla]

T. Rex is like saying, you know, what's your favorite shark? It's a great white. That's a great white. You know, there's a lot of different types of sharks. Great white.

[Giovanni]

I like the whale shark. That big ass whale shark. I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just because it scares people, you know?

[Giovanni]

Very docile. He's like. He's like Shaquille O'Neal.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna say. Yeah. He's like Brian Posein.

[Giovanni]

Brian Pose. Wonderfully gifted performance.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm saying he'd sneak up on you and scare you, but he'd never hurt you.

[Giovanni]

That's like me saying horrible words. Yeah, you may not be that fat, but you are that fine. Oh, that's how I flipped it. I flipped that.

[Adam Carolla]

That works. Hey, thanks.

[Giovanni]

I wanna catch up to your lips fall off your face and suck on your gums bitch. Tonight I'm in and then I'm on a rub a blister a blister on your titties Baby, that really hurts. That's not comfortable. Shut up. Give it what I want.

[Alison Rosen]

Top baby names of 2013.

[Adam Carolla]

Did Teddy say he wanted to take a shower with her?

[Giovanni]

Let's take a shower. Then I rub hot oil on your big fat ass. Mama.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

That's Teddy. Teddy, Ted, the grass baby light incense so that your funky feet going to smell good. Hot oils Baby, I swear I return the same I would do the same thing the same thing the same thing the same thing to you. Turn them off.

[Alison Rosen]

Number one is Isabella.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna be missed.

[Giovanni]

Isabella.

[Alison Rosen]

Isabella.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think like Teddy could get away with that on a chick named Isabella.

[Alison Rosen]

Here's the thing. I've made this point repeatedly, which is that my sister has the name Isabella chambered for her imaginary daughter that she'll out. But she thinks. She thinks that she just thought of the name and it's pretty not realizing that it's the number one name. How does this happen?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Alison Rosen]

I'm sure that whatever names I have in my head right now for my Malta poo. No, not yet.

[Giovanni]

I mean, have you told her that it's. Does she know she's Jewish?

[Alison Rosen]

She does. But anyway, whatever name that I. That I think is like. Oh, that's a pretty name. I haven't heard that in a while. I'm gonna give that to my kid. Will be the number one name. It'll be the Jenny of whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Parker?

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Alison Rosen]

Parker. Parker. Millie is number two.

[Giovanni]

Is that Millicent or just Millie?

[Alison Rosen]

It could be either. Then get this. Sookie.

[Adam Carolla]

Sookie.

[Giovanni]

But Suki is short for.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. This is American. Are we Sooklyn? Are we. No, the taking all characters in it. Sookie.

[Alison Rosen]

Sookie.

[Giovanni]

But what is Sookie short for?

[Alison Rosen]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of ladies watch Trublan. Oh, is that what it is for.

[Alison Rosen]

Suck fest and Ella.

[Giovanni]

Dude, how long does this podcast?

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost over. But let me tell you something about Ella. I went to junior. I went to great school with a chick named Ella and it took about 12 seconds for me to come up with, ella, you smell a. And you got a Bella, like a bowl full of jella.

[Giovanni]

Or you can flip that. Be positive like, Ella, you hella fine Teddy Pendergrass. Sounds to a fella. Because I like to.

[Adam Carolla]

If Teddy was talking, I like to.

[Giovanni]

Tongue you down till I get to the scallop. Smell ya, Ella. But. But my daughter has a bunch of friends named Ellis. So much so that we're like, which Ella? The blonde around the corner. The flat. The one that lives in the flat. Which Ella? The one you go to school with.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, speaking. I know you're tired and I know you're ready to go home. No, but I'm doing news and she's doing news. But speaking of names, you know, there's a few names of some of peanuts kids that are up there.

[Giovanni]

Lavonna Jesterol. Levonna Gesterol. Levonna Jezerol. Don't act like you. Don't put that down. I'm not coming to get you from the precinct tonight, okay? Shoplifting is a crime. Goodbye. Is it Ester? Esther?

[Adam Carolla]

Estradiol.

[Giovanni]

Estradioral.

[Adam Carolla]

Estradiol.

[Giovanni]

Estradiol. Estradiol. No, just a real progesterone. This is my. Come on, man. We did this bitch too many times. Estradiol. That's me and my prime, baby. Don't make me keep doing the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Shit now it's Penny Pentagrass.

[Giovanni]

Suck the nail polish off your thumb, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Suck your lips I wonder if you ever covered. I'd like to get to know you.

[Giovanni]

I'd like to get to know you before I you, baby I'd like to get to know you Shadow box with your titties Teddy punches it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Funny. I mean, funny session. Like spanking our gang. Whoever fucking the fucking is it. Spanking our gang.

[Giovanni]

Day by day good night by night.

[Adam Carolla]

When I bust a nut in dough. No, the gang is. The band is. I don't know, Spanking our. Spanking.

[Giovanni]

Spanking. Our gang was abandoned. Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're like, teddy, sorry. This song's about getting to know somebody. And I appreciate you backing vocals here, but I just. The commentary would probably do without. So it's about a couple that's just meeting together and just kind of discovering each other and getting on. So, you know, I like to get to know you. This is just about a young couple kind of grooving on each other's vibe.

[Giovanni]

So you just oozing out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's just kind of your background, just kind of harmonizing. So just like, I'd like to get to know you and box your Teddy's mama.

[Giovanni]

Ted.

[Adam Carolla]

Teddy, Teddy. We just like. It's just a little harmony. We brought you in here because you could harmonize. Right.

[Giovanni]

I'd like to your sister and make her lick your. While I'm digging them.

[Adam Carolla]

Chad stopped it recording for a second. Yeah. Ted, I appreciate what you're trying to contribute artistically here. We have this song worked out. We have it arranged. We have the Wrecking Crew in here for just about another 45 minutes. So they're doing thing. And if we just get a little harmony from you because you got a great, powerful sound. We just. A little harmony, and we're just trying to add a little. That flavor layer to it. But we're not looking to change the song.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So much. Okay. Just wrap up. To know you. Yes.

[Giovanni]

I'm gonna make you my chocolate chip deep dick, bald vibing mama motherfucker baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's stop. They're going. Teddy, no one's doubting you're one of your. You're a serious talent. No one is denying your talent.

[Giovanni]

I get carried away. The song is powerful. The song is powerful.

[Adam Carolla]

Gene and I worked on the lyrics. We did. We worked a long time on this. It's really. It's about a girl I met when I was in college. And we really found ourselves falling in love without being physical.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. It was just really about getting to know each other.

[Giovanni]

It's about a mind thing.

[Adam Carolla]

We got to know each other. Yeah. Just emotionally. It wasn't a physical thing. You know, let's take from the topic. Okay. Yeah, there you go. That's what I'm saying. Not right. That's right. To know you in my.

[Giovanni]

You with my mental dick, baby. Ted, I think you're missing the point. That's big, black, mentally conceived, thick muscle. I'll let. Yum.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, Ted. Okay, let's go ahead and stop the recording.

[Giovanni]

Imaginary.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Can we stop the recording, please?

[Giovanni]

Take you down.

[Adam Carolla]

Teddy. I know I said mentally and emotionally, but I mean, raping emotionally.

[Giovanni]

Yes. You say rape, I say make love.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, but I'm saying we're getting to know her as a person, as not as a sexual creature or being, but just as an equal and an individual. Okay.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And I probably steered you. I probably pushed you in the wrong direction creatively a little, with the whole emotional mental thing just oozing off eyes. That's what I'm saying. Just, you know, just the harmony.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Let's take it again.

[Giovanni]

I'd like to get to know you after I you in your ass, ho. Baby. Make you come. Bite the pillow, bitch. You know you like it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let. You know. Let's just take a lunch. Let's just take lunch. Let's just take a lunch.

[Giovanni]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Ted. That was awesome stuff. Okay.

[Giovanni]

Thanks a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're wrapped. That's awesome stuff. That Teddy's got a powerful voice. He should definitely do a solo thing. Ted.

[Giovanni]

God.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't mind me calling the longest.

[Giovanni]

You got to shorten these up. You're killing me. That's 27 minutes. But you know what happened, Adam? We found some new stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

We did fine. We found Teddy. We had Teddy backing up white bands from the six.

[Giovanni]

Teddy Pendergrass.

[Adam Carolla]

Great.

[Giovanni]

Teddy Pendergrass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Let's give the floor over to.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I want to. Yeah. Let's bring it home. Allison.

[Alison Rosen]

Oh, that's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Giovanni]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Giovanni]

Thanks, Aretha.

[Adam Carolla]

I think next time you come in, we'll do Sonny and Cher. Just being friends with you.

[Giovanni]

No, you got to do Sonny and share.

[Adam Carolla]

Just.

[Giovanni]

Just me. Yeah, that's good also. I got you, babe.

[Adam Carolla]

And we'll do that one.

[Giovanni]

I you, babe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, this.

[Giovanni]

I'm you, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm being. All right.

[Giovanni]

This is Adam Krillo show 997.

[Adam Carolla]

The first appearance of a dag.

[Giovanni]

Is Teddy Pendergrass? Coming next we have adam Krillo show.

[Adam Carolla]

Ups of 64 with Dave Damaschek and.

[Giovanni]

The deaf rat guy from 2009. Check it out. Pluto TV has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free. That means laughter is free with gut busting comedies like the Neighborhood Boomerang and.

[Adam Carolla]

Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Bueller Mystery is free with countless cases.

[Giovanni]

To crack from Criminal Minds Tracker and Matlock.

[Doug]

I'm a lawyer like the old TV.

[Adam Carolla]

Show and thrills are free with heart.

[Giovanni]

Pumping hits like the Walking Dead and Paul Fiction Correct the mundo. Feel the free Pluto TV stream Now pay Never. Can I ask you a question?

[Adam Carolla]

It's from the viewer. It's on the email. And they want to know about you and Donnie. When you were in the fight at the Galleria when some dudes pulled nunchucks. Yeah, what? What was up with that shit? I just finished my beer, so it'll be a good time to tell you. Donnie, were you there for that? No. To be honest, I was not there. I got the story once you got back to the apartment. This guy had not nunchucks, but a chain that was about 3ft long that was chrome, kind of like a dog chain. It was about 3ft long and chrome and had two solid chrome. Nunchuck size. Solid, though steel bars that were chrome, too, on the end of it. I don't know where you get these things mail order or something. And you'd swing it around and if it hit you, it was like a mace, like back in the old days. And this guy was a punk rocker who was terrorizing people in the parking lot of the Glendale. Oh, no. Of the Sherman Oaks Galleria where they film Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And I always had a beef with punk rockers because I never liked the guy who made himself look scary. And thus was a badass, like, because he had. He had a mohawk. He had a, you know, safety pin going through his nose. He was wearing his anarchy jacket. He was wearing his boots. You know, he had a little eyeliner on. He had that clockwork orange scary thing. But I always knew that just under that was a pussy, unathletic guy from high school that couldn't make the football team, you know, and thus he overcompensated. Jocks never. You know, the guys who grew up in Iowa and were all city wrestlers, they didn't have the spiked hair and all that eyeliner and all that shit. So they were always an easy mark for me because I knew these guys are always unathletic. They look scary, but they're peacocks, you know, and you could kick their ass. And this guy was twirling this thing around. No, he was terrorizing people, and people like, running from them. And he was like, yeah, get the out of here. And I was out of a. It was out of a movie. It was him and his buddy. And him and his buddy were just like, yeah, keep moving, old man. And then they're like, with people down there. And me and Snake, who's Todd Euler, but he turned into Snake Oiler because we all love Speed Racer and who was a very scrappy Jew. And I think Ray was there. I don't know if Chris was there. And we were leaving and we just. We were sort of watching from afar this punk rock guy who was wreaking havoc on everyone. And so we just decided to kind of confront him, you know, like tell him like, hey, knock it off or get out or beat it or stop fucking with people. You know, so we just. But we're kind of on the way to the car. We're just gonna cross paths with him. And then he gave a. Like, you know, screw you. You want some? And we're like, yeah, we want some. And then he pulled this weapon out and he started swinging this weapon. He just woosh. Over his head. And I was wearing. Remember my leather bomber jacket that was so cool that some asshole stole from a party? I'm really upset. That jacket. Yeah, I had the cuffs and the thing all redone. I bought it second hand and I had the cuffs redone and the bottom fringe redone. It was all beat up, World War II bomber jacket. Even had the name of the guy, the pilot and shit in it. Bought it like aardvarks on Melrose or something. I immediately took the jacket off and was holding it up like a bull fighter, like toro. Toro. Because I had this big, thick leather jacket and I was holding it in front of me and I was gonna smother this guy's crazy chain. And I was moving closer to him and closer to him, and he was swinging the thing around and I was holding the jacket up above my head and I got just within, like striking range of the guy. And I was kind of hoping I was going to time it right because the thing hit you in the skull, it would crack. Crack your skull. So what are you doing it for? What's. What's wrong with you? We used to get in a lot of those. We would do that a lot. I don't know. He seemed like an asshole. And he needed his hat settled. Yeah, he needed to be straightened out. And we were going to straighten him out. And there was a lot of that going on at the time. And right as I got right in front of him and right next to him, Snake Oiler just went shooting right past me, tackled him. We threw him on the back, we threw him on a car hood, started beating the shit out of him. It took his chain away, by the way. Snake probably still has it today. And then his friend just took off running. And then he just took off running. And that was that. And then when we got back to Snake's condo, I said, snake, how did you avoid getting hit with that chain? And he said, I think he may have. I think he hit me with the chain. And he pulled. He pulled his shirt up and like out of a movie, from his top left shoulder blade down to his right hip was an indentation of the chain. Yeah, like a tire track going down. But he didn't get caught with the hard steel part. Of the weapon. You know, I got another quick Todd Euler story. Todd Euler got in a fair amount of fights. Jesus.

[Brian Bishop]

Were you in the paper? Local teens heroes.

[Adam Carolla]

No take down Raph. Local toughs. No, we just left. I mean, Todd got into it with Ray and Ray dislocated Todd's shoulder, I think. Although Todd bit him in the. In the. Donnie, remember that party over at um Gads that we decided to go camping because we knew a fight was going to break out? Total debacle. Yeah, total debauchery broke out. It's like, what was it? Chris, Chris's girlfriend. Oh, and Ray. This is. This is all. This is the best story of them. Oh, no, Chris. And is this the one where you.

[Brian Bishop]

Get surrounded by the bad guys?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that. But Adam, at that point during the camping trip, he's like, you know what? It's Saturday night. What are we gonna miss? Everybody was going to, um, Gads brother in law's house or parents house or somewhere in Orange county somewhere. Someone had a big house. And our friends were there to party. And when our friends got to a big house where there was a lot of booze, they would get loaded and they would tear up the house and then tear each other up. And me and the wees knew and our buddy Carl knew this was gonna happen. So we said, fuck it, we're going to Mount Pinos. And we packed up Donny's bronco and we headed out and these guys all went to Orange County. And what happened that night was first off, two good things. Ray was dating a very. Chris, who had every hot chick on the planet was dating a really hot blonde chick. And Ray was dating her too, behind Chris's back. And if Chris. Ray ever found. If you know, Chris ever found out that Ray was with his girl, that was battle the gargantuans. And it turned into that later on, but not at this point. At this point, Ray was just sneaking around with her and Chris was at the same party. And at some point they took off into a back bedroom and were making out. And Snake walked in to the middle of it and he's like, huh? Oh my God. Because he was in the inner circle and he knew that Chris was friends, you know, he knew that Chris and her been going out for like two years. And he was like, holy shit, Ray. You know, what are you doing? I'm trying not to use her name. And so he just looked at him and Ray said, snake, don't. You can't tell Chris. If you tell Chris, there will be a Fight will break out in this man, people. Someone's gonna die. Like, do not tell Chris. And Steak was like. It is like an Ultraman episode of those two fight. The skyscrapers would collapse as one of them falls, Right? So he's like, I don't know. Chris is a pretty good friend of mine. I should really tell him. And so Snake decides, all right, I'll tell you what. I won't tell Chris, but you need to make out with me to the girl, to the hot chick. And the hot chick was like, huh, I don't think so. And Ray was like, make out with him. And she did. They then made out in front of Ray, and it was quiet for another, what, like, two weeks? Well, that night, some other. That night, Ray and Chris. No, Ray and Snake got into it, and Snake got his shoulder. Ray separated. Yeah, Snake shoulder. But he bit. Snake bit Ray in the. In the shin. And he still has the marks today. And then later on at a party, Chris found out about Ray and his gal. What man, though Todd Euler is though. Dislocated shoulder. And still. Because he got the kiss. He's a man of his word. Oh, I think he got the kiss and then got his shoulder dislocated later on in the movie. But he still didn't say anything.

[Giovanni]

He could be mad.

[Adam Carolla]

They never said anything. Ray dislocated his shoulder and he never tattled on him. But later on they found out, and Chris did destroy that house. Maverick. Have you ever been entangled in anything like that? Menage a trois kind of thing? Love triangle? Yeah, I mean, yeah, a lot of them. Really? A lot. A lot of threesomes. Yeah. Sometimes with, like, if you. If. If your money's tight, you know, you go, you. You and your buddy will get a hooker, right?

[Giovanni]

To share.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, to share. Oh, I see. Split the cost. Yeah. Or like, if. Yeah, I mean, three times a really big sophomore year. Oh, really? And you kind of mature out of it. Interesting. Do you have any other questions? Any emails over there? Yeah, we have. There's some really interesting topics here that I really tried to work on. Hey, can I throw one in real quick? Sure. Because I'm a Stern devotee, and they were talking about one Adam Carolla on the program recently saying that Jimmy Kimmel, that you on Greg Fitzsimmons, his satellite show that you were complaining about Jimmy and Stern and Stern and company took it as you being jealous of their relationship, Jimmy and Stern's love for one another. And you feel like the odd man out that maybe Stern is Stealing Jimmy from you. How say you? It's such a weird world because I didn't bring it up. I mean, Greg Fitzsimmons brought it up. He's. He brought up Stern and he brought up Jimmy going and hanging the Stern. And then I was just fucking around like, yeah, those two are butt fucking. And, you know, it was like, you know, hanging out and they're best friends. I was. I think I was just playing. I was fucking around with it. I guess that's how I took it. But Stern seems sincere. Did they play you feel that you.

[Brian Bishop]

Feel a little wounded that you haven't.

[Adam Carolla]

Been out to the Hamptons yet? They didn't play clips if they. Yeah, they did. Oh, they did? Yeah. What did I sound like? You know, to me, it sounded like you were kidding around, that you were just. That you were just going on and on about. About their. Their lovemaking practices. And did they bring up. I mean, I probably didn't bring up the fact that Greg Fitzsimmons brought it up. I didn't bring it up. Yeah, no, not really. That wasn't a part of consideration. Wouldn't have made their retarded point. No, I mean, I think. And also interesting, too. Let me. How about. Wasn't it originally that it was sort of. What's interesting about is initially when you and Kimmel started visiting with Stern, it felt like it was the other way, didn't it? Wasn't. It wasn't there feeling that maybe you and Stern had hit it off. What had happened was I. We both went out to do Stern at the same time some years ago, and Stern took a shining to me. I would say he. I would say he liked Jimmy, but he loved me and he wanted me to come out and essentially do whatever Artie's doing now. I mean, heroin, not get rid of Artie, but he wanted me to do Jackie's take Jackie's place or something. And I had to explain to him that I had family and kids and not kids, but family and jobs and obligations and it was all. All in la. Those guys, what they do for a living is take shit and turn it in. They take cat shit and turn it into hippo shit. They take something the size of a lady finger and turn it into a bridal cake. You know what I mean? It's like, obviously there's nothing there. Like, I don't. If I say I don't give a shit, then it just sounds like sour grapes or whatever. But you know me, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I really.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's exactly right to know you is. Is to know that you probably don't care. Well, first off, do I have any celebrity friends other than. Other than Jimmy, who I met before he was a celebrity? Dag. That's about it, but yes. It doesn't seem that you choose people.

[Brian Bishop]

Based on celebrity, Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I mean, I think. I think the deal is if. If I. Dicky Barrett, Wait a second. All your friends are. Who isn't a celebrity frat guy? I don't want to sound overly defensive, but if I made an effort, if I. If I called Howard up and said, look, I'm going to be in New York in two weeks, you want to get together and have. Have lunch or dinner or something, I'm sure he'd say yes, and then we'd get together and have dinner. You know what I'm saying? Yes. I don't do that. I mean, I don't pursue it. He calls me on occasion. I call him on occasion. I don't really. I don't like to travel. I don't want to go to the Hamptons that much. I like Stern. He's a nice guy. I like Jimmy, but it's like, I don't. I don't have that. I don't have that thing where I want to get on an airplane just because a guy is a celebrity and has a place in the Hamptons. I mean, I like Stern. I'll see him when I see him. Fair enough. I just am asking. Don't get so defensive. Here's another entertainment question. Yesterday was, well, let me just ask you this. Do you know me to be jealous of anyone's anything?

[Giovanni]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

It is weird. You're almost. Yeah, you have an almost icy sort of way about that. You lack certain human emotions, right? And one of them. Sometimes it's good, right? I mean, I may lack compassion and the ability to love and, you know, many generosity and many other good ones, but I also lack some bad ones, too, which is, you know, jealousy and rage and all that kind of stuff. I don't give a shit what anyone does. People say, you know, once in a while, oh, you know, Adam's just pissed off because that guy's funny, and he doesn't like people that are funnier than he is. I don't give a shit about any of that stuff. Have you ever known me. I agree with that, right? To do that. If you're funny, I want you on this show that much more. And if you're twice as funny as I am, I want you on the show every day. And I Don't have any, like jealousy or Jimmy's hanging out with it. Just it's not a component. If I had that, I would then probably have the same thing that made me call Stern and try to get out to his place in Hamptons. Yeah, yeah, okay. All right, but will you invite him? If Stern says he's coming to la, will you invite him to your home? Yeah, but he never comes to la. Oh, is that right? He almost never comes to la. Alright. Anyway, yesterday was the Upfront Awards. Want to know if CBS did pick up the dick? Because it's not in the upfront announcement. All right, it's not a dick. Come. It's a sitcom dick. Sit. Yeah, no, they made, they made, they made 11 pilots to the best of my knowledge. And they picked up one of them, a Jenna Elfman pilot, as far as I know. And they'd probably get mad at me for talking about it, but I always talk about shit anyway and no one never turns into anything, so who gives a fuck? As far as I know, there's a good chance that will be a mid season replacement, which is will get picked up at some point when another show fails. Not a guarantee, not a lock, but that seems to be where it's heading. So we shall see. And that would be still a good thing for us. Hell yeah. Yeah. This is fun. No, continue, Mav. I think this is fun. Listener questions. Hey, Adam. This is from Dalen. Hey, Adam, you got about 15 years or so to figure this out, but how are you going to prevent your kids from becoming the next Kim Kardashian or Brandon Greasy Bear Davis? Or keep them from hanging out with the youngest Hollywood celebrities of 2025? I don't know. The boy I'm not worried about because he's like his daddy. He's into mechanical shit and he wants to be left alone. That's how guys are. He wants to be left alone with his little train. He wants to push it around. And he goes solo all the time. He just goes into the den, pushes his trains in a circle. My daughter's got her little makeup kids marrying makeup all over her face. And the thing that's great, and it sums up all women and you women so easy to figure out that before the age of three we can figure you out. And you take this to your grave. Here's how it works. No agenda with the son. They're both leaving to go see the horsies or go wherever the park is or the choo choo trains. And so my nanny Olga says, say goodbye To Daddy. And there's my two kids, same age, and say goodbye to daddy. My son immediately just trots over to me, give daddy a kiss, gives me a kiss. Bye, Daddy. Daddy heads off. Natalia, say goodbye to Daddy. No. Say goodbye to Daddy. No. And then Daddy. Come on, Natalia, come on, give me a kiss. No. Takes off running. Now I'm chasing around. Come on, give Daddy a kiss. Give Daddy a kiss. No. No, I don't want. No. So, fine. So now Daddy goes back the other end of the house. And then Olga, the nanny, says, well, that's my daddy and I love him. And I'm going to go give him a kiss because that's my daddy. And then as soon as she hears wind that there's another chick that's calling me her daddy and who wants to give me a kiss goodbye, she goes, no. And then she comes over and she comes over to me. And then Olga starts yelling, don't kiss him, don't kiss him. That's my daddy. That's my daddy. Then she goes up, gives me a big kiss, and then stares at Olga, gives her the stink eye. And then Olga's like, don't kiss him again. No more kisses. That's my daddy. Don't do it. And then it gives her the stink eye again. Screw you, old lady. And then she takes off. Now, the whole point is the boys. There's not a process. You tell, give Daddy a kiss, you give Daddy a kiss. That's it. Not a whole bunch of thought going into it. Not how am I going to rearrange his emotional deck chairs or anything. Just I. I was told to give him a kiss. He's my dad. I'm going to go look at some fucking horses. I'll give him a. I'll give him a kiss her. Give him a kiss. Wait a minute. You want me to do something? Not so fast. Let me think about this. Because this thing, this you wanting me to do something, this is a currency. I'm going to use it. This has some value. I could use it against you. It's sort of like certain martial arts, you know, like judo, taekwondo. We use you against you. Your own momentum. You take, you punch or kick or something. We'll take that and pull it and use you. That's how it is. They use your own momentum against you.

[Brian Bishop]

I think, yeah, there.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to do that. Yeah, you have to do the counterintuitive thing. That's why I always say damascy. You know, nothing if not, you know, a lady killer throughout the years. Listen, here's the thing. This is a great and maverick. You might want to use this one the next time you're working on a lady. I always say women are so accustomed.

[Brian Bishop]

To the guy going after them and.

[Adam Carolla]

Trying, you know, and laying it on. I say in the first four minutes to 90 minutes of a discussion with a woman, if you tell them that they're into you, you announce to them, listen, baby, settle down. I mean, I can tell you're into.

[Brian Bishop]

Me, but don't lose your dignity in the process.

[Adam Carolla]

They chuckle, they chuck. You know what, though? He's right. I am into him. Yeah, I take it a step further. I mean, you know, you can tell chicks you're into me and see if it works on them. Oh, it works. I, I, but I go a step further, like, like, just pretend you're a chick and you sidled up next to me at the bar. How you doing? Well, hello. Man, does your pussy stink. Excuse me? Yeah, you love it, bitch. Start sucking. That's, that's the sound of me slapping you across the face. I still think it would work better than penny for your thoughts or what's your sign? It is an inherently flawed system. Here's the system we've mapped out as a society. Men pursue women. It is the men's job of the species. It's the male's job to pursue the female. Except for all the females are infused with a gene that makes them repulsed once they find out a guy is pursuing them. Really? Is that what God had in mind? Doesn't work that way in the animal kingdom. You know what I mean? Like, when a male peacock shows up in front of a female peacock, they just start fucking. It's, it's not like the. In, in all other forms of life, the male shows up, he starts showing off, and the female goes, wow, look at him. That, that's some plumage. I'd like to fuck him. And that's how it works. Whereas with women and human beings in our society, dude shows up. Hello. Let me buy you a drink. I don't think so. This is just American society, right? Yeah, it's probably just American, but why the fuck is it set up this way? You know what I mean? Like, if it worked this way in the animal kingdom, there'd be no animals. No one would get laid. You're absolutely right. You're guilty of the crime of showing interest in them. I don't want him. He's too needy. He likes me too much. That's. Listen, that's why I listen. Listen to Damoshek. Hear me? Now, believe me, later, turn them on their ear. Tell them how they're into you. Their heads spin. What? What? Yeah, they can't. They can't comprehend. You have to plant seeds in the head like this. Like, you come up to them and be like, fuck, it's so fucking hot. I'm, like sweating and like my heart is beating. I'm fucking hot. You get. I'm like wet with sweat. And then they're thinking they're going hot. My. And. And then if you plant. It's like subliminal. Subliminal. So you. You get the word and pig. That innuendo works. Oh, man, this. You stinking or whatever. You know, you have to improvise, right? You got another question, Adam? All right, this is Adam Kroll Show 64. Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll Show 1432. This one's featuring David Alan Grier.

[Giovanni]

David, tell Chris Clouay, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam Kroll. From the Adam Kroll. The show Bet Online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game locks. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen, with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun, make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline. The game starts here.

[Brian Bishop]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest tonight, comedians Dave Attell and David Alan Greer. Plus NFL punter Chris Cluey, Allison Rosen on news, Bob Bryant on sound effects. And now after the show, him and the two Daves are heading up to Alaska to get gay married. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on Got to get it on up about to get it on mandate get it on. Thank you so much for joining. Thanks so much for sharing with a friend. Good day. Allison Rosen.

[Alison Rosen]

Hello. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

And bald Brian. If you fuck me, you're dead imbezared. Wanted that with the hashtag top drop. David Alan Grier. Dag, as you know him, is in studio. Dag and I were just doing a little looping session, doing a little ADR work for the movie Road Hard, literally across the street. And we thought if Dag's gonna come in and do a little looping work for the movie, he should just walk across the street and come in for the first segment and just say, hi. Good to see you, Dag.

[Giovanni]

Hi, guys. Hi, Alice.

[Alison Rosen]

Hi, Dag.

[Giovanni]

So how does it feel? We fucked in a dream.

[Alison Rosen]

No. No, No. I mean, I wish, but no.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

You're hurting me.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Just shut up. Oh, my God.

[Alison Rosen]

It was just.

[Adam Carolla]

For those who missed the episode. Allison had a dream.

[Alison Rosen]

I had a sexual dream about Dak. I am like. I'm hot and sweaty and flushed right now. And I don't know if it's hot in here or if it's just Dag.

[Giovanni]

It was fucking real. Let me tell you. I gained six.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not hot in here.

[Alison Rosen]

Really?

[Giovanni]

Seven pounds. And I've been eating Cheetos. It is.

[Adam Carolla]

He ate. He ate a bag of Cheetos and a bag of Doritos.

[Giovanni]

I dare you. I didn't finish the Doritos.

[Adam Carolla]

You brought in two bags to do your ADR work.

[Giovanni]

I did for 15 minutes.

[Alison Rosen]

So in the dream, though, we did not actually slowly have sex.

[Giovanni]

What? I just sucked on your titties.

[Alison Rosen]

We were going to.

[Giovanni]

Tell me I licked your ass. Did I lick your ass?

[Alison Rosen]

No, not.

[Giovanni]

Raise them.

[Adam Carolla]

So describe in detail what happened in the dream, Allison.

[Alison Rosen]

It's been some time since I've had.

[Adam Carolla]

The dream, so I'm sure you've relived it many times. In the shower, I'm sure.

[Alison Rosen]

I think I was just making plans to spend a night with you because.

[Giovanni]

We were in a relationship, right?

[Alison Rosen]

In a dorm room.

[Giovanni]

Can we get some music?

[Alison Rosen]

I mean, some background is where it was gonna be.

[Giovanni]

I'm not saying Teddy P. But God damn. I mean.

[Alison Rosen]

And I know I was excited. I was excited to spend a night.

[Adam Carolla]

Still with a little groove. This is still cheap in it, Brian.

[Alison Rosen]

This is love, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not just sex they have is real.

[Giovanni]

How about some Isaac Hayes? Even if you see me walk. Oh, good gosh almighty. I'm sorry. I get excited, baby. Real slow, real slow.

[Alison Rosen]

I really wish I could remember. I feel like there were more details right afterwards.

[Giovanni]

Let me see that neck. Let me see that neck.

[Adam Carolla]

God damn.

[Alison Rosen]

I'm wearing a turtle. Is a funny thing.

[Giovanni]

See, right now I'd be sucking all on that jugular vein. I'll be kicking your all up. Black, blue, purple, red, Deep, deep, deep bruises. So take me through it. You are getting ready.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, I was making plans.

[Giovanni]

I think I your legs.

[Alison Rosen]

I did.

[Giovanni]

Did you douche? No need. I like the natural.

[Alison Rosen]

Good cuz I didn't douche.

[Giovanni]

So respectful. I like how easy to the dudes douche.

[Adam Carolla]

Question.

[Giovanni]

But they're shaving the legs.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you see?

[Giovanni]

Dude was kind of flirty though. You're like, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. It's weird.

[Alison Rosen]

It's still happening.

[Adam Carolla]

All the feelings, it all comes rushing back.

[Alison Rosen]

It does come rushing back. I woke up and I was like, maybe I have have feelings for Dag that I didn't know about. Because like I said in the. Yes. Okay.

[Giovanni]

Was your pussy wet or was it just clammy? Was it just gummy? What was going on when you woke up? Look at me, I'm lazy.

[Alison Rosen]

So how do you want it to have been? Because I don't remember.

[Giovanni]

I just want.

[Alison Rosen]

But I'll check my pussy journal.

[Giovanni]

I'm in love.

[Adam Carolla]

It's written in a hello kitty notebook. Ironic.

[Giovanni]

September 14th. We'll see what's climbing.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

No. So what happened?

[Adam Carolla]

You were getting ready like a farmer's almanac.

[Giovanni]

Now the pubes trimmed, untrimmed. What are we talking about? Trimmed severely. Do you have like.

[Alison Rosen]

It's not like a topiary or anything? You know, I like, honestly, it's probably over trimmed.

[Giovanni]

I like to know I'm sleeping with a grown ass woman. You hear what I'm saying?

[Alison Rosen]

If it was me, it might be disappointing.

[Giovanni]

You would never, you would never shave your pussy hairs. I would like them nice and long. Then I will corn roll them and.

[Adam Carolla]

Put little puka shells so you go like Bo Derek on her pussy.

[Giovanni]

I would, I would, I would.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. A lot of tattoos. You know, something sexy. You know what I mean? Davey stuff with an arrow pointing down. You know, something like that.

[Alison Rosen]

No, the property of.

[Giovanni]

Property of.

[Alison Rosen]

Here's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Alice is running on the beach in slow motion just like a douche commercial. Hey, Bo Derek. The problem with.

[Alison Rosen]

With a pussy trim.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Rick James style. Maybe on the pussy.

[Giovanni]

If you go talk baby. Talk baby.

[Alison Rosen]

Sort of like when you over tweeze your eyebrows. It's hard to let it grow back because there's a whole itchy, nasty phase.

[Giovanni]

You get the shortened curlies, the ingrowns.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you could like a woman of color.

[Giovanni]

No, like a woman, please.

[Alison Rosen]

Thank you. Thank you, girlfriend.

[Giovanni]

High five it.

[Adam Carolla]

High five it.

[Giovanni]

Can I jump in here real quick? This is when you know your relationship's going south. I won't name the person I was dating at the time, but I came home, she had a key to the house. And she was watching Oprah Winfrey lay all akimbo, calmly picking her pubic ingrowns while she was softly crying while watching Oprah, drinking a glass of white wine. And I said to myself, this has gone too far. This is too intimate.

[Adam Carolla]

Time to get you back to high school.

[Giovanni]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you over Cedar or Canoga Park?

[Giovanni]

Can you get me some alcohol?

[Adam Carolla]

Boink. No, that's not Allison. Now, Allison came in here. She was on cloud nine. She was floating.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Okay, so you were. You are getting yourself groomed, trimmed and such, waiting for me not do something.

[Adam Carolla]

I missed the music again, Brian.

[Alison Rosen]

Right. I was shaving my legs, but not douching and trimming. Just a little bit as I do, but maybe too much.

[Giovanni]

Yes, I. We are.

[Alison Rosen]

And there was like a group of people.

[Giovanni]

Oh, really? You had your girlfriend over?

[Alison Rosen]

I think I feel like my husband was in there somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

He freaks like that. Yeah. Cuckold. Cuckold.

[Alison Rosen]

He said he gets it because he said, you're a charismatic, sexy motherfucker, and he gets it.

[Giovanni]

Hey, wait, is there some gay stuff going on? Not there's anything wrong with it, but I mean, is this. You saw that Boardwalk Empire when a black dude was fucking a white chick and the white dude was watching, jerking off, and all of a sudden the black dude was like, what kind of bullshit is this? Was it something like that? No.

[Adam Carolla]

This was close, though. Adam, please. Sorry, go ahead.

[Alison Rosen]

So there was a lot of people I had to deal with.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

In terms of letting them know that I wouldn't be hanging out with them tonight. I would be spending the night with you.

[Giovanni]

Stop right there. Stop the music. You know what I'm hearing? I'm hearing this, what you're saying in the dream now, correct me if I'm wrong, Adam, she loves me. You fucking love me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, obviously there's something going on there.

[Giovanni]

All these people in the dream. What you're trying to reconcile in this dream is if you and I come out, you know what I'm saying, together, there's gonna be a lot of flack you gotta go through. Adam, your husband, your family. I met your mom and dad. I think I was gently cupping those lovely booty cheeks at the improv.

[Adam Carolla]

The Irvine Irvine Improv.

[Giovanni]

Your parents were there. So you're thinking, I've got to tell the public, the world, the comedy community. Exactly. This shit is real. Okay. This is my Teddy Pendergrass. Continue with the story. Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Alison Rosen]

Right. So I knew I was very, very excited to be spending the night with you in a dorm room In a dorm room. But I knew that we would be having sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alison Rosen]

And I was ecstatic. Yeah. It was like when you. It was like when you receive good news, and that good news was that we were gonna get it on.

[Giovanni]

Okay. Was your. Was your vagina throbbing.

[Alison Rosen]

Maybe a little? Yeah. It was more of an emotional throbbing, though.

[Giovanni]

Did your booty hole just pucker up a little bit?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alison Rosen]

That's the first thing that puckers on me, by the way.

[Giovanni]

Oh, God. So amazing. So you told your husband this dream?

[Alison Rosen]

Well, I told the. I told Adam and Brian and Melissa.

[Adam Carolla]

The mics were on. Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

So this went on and it was around this time that you tweeted about it?

[Giovanni]

Yes, because what my tweeter people, my Twitter followers told me.

[Alison Rosen]

Right. So this went on for a little while, and I went home one day and I felt like there was tension with my husband, and I wondered, could he have listened to the episode? But it's weird. If I bring it up, then it makes it a thing. I don't want to make it a thing.

[Giovanni]

So we're gonna get to the husband. I gotta ask you something. I need you to be honest with me and don't lie. Okay?

[Alison Rosen]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

And I'll be honest with you about my dreams that I've been having. Cuz it's time to tell the truth. Allison, I hope you're ready.

[Alison Rosen]

I'm ready.

[Giovanni]

Have you ever masturbated to the memory of that dream? Go ahead and answer. I'll take the truth however you say it.

[Alison Rosen]

This is a yes and opportunity.

[Giovanni]

Yes. No. Be honest and tell me the truth. I want you to be honest. This is not a joke. It's not a bit.

[Alison Rosen]

I've thought a lot about the dream.

[Adam Carolla]

You masturbated to the dream. I knew it. You guys are witnesses. She said you yes, right?

[Giovanni]

Come on, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

You know she said yes. I'll. You know, I know that Daniel listens to the show and I'm trying to be respectful, but it like an emotional masturbation. She didn't say no. She didn't say no.

[Giovanni]

Okay, now. Now let me ask you something. Al, I don't want to put words in your mouth. Women have often said, Adam, with your experience of taking calls for 20, 30 years, these nut jobs love line. Women have often said. Alice has said that an emotional affair is the cruelest. The cruelest deceit to do to one's husband. Woo.

[Adam Carolla]

I think.

[Giovanni]

Come on, man. An affair in the mind is worse than an affair in the behind, right? Allison?

[Adam Carolla]

We've all read the Bumper stickers and the T shirts.

[Alison Rosen]

Are we holding hands now?

[Adam Carolla]

I want to say this. I think.

[Giovanni]

A little moist, a little clammy.

[Alison Rosen]

That's what I'm saying. I'm nervous around you, Dag.

[Giovanni]

Oh, God, just let this.

[Adam Carolla]

Dag. Let me ask Allison this question.

[Giovanni]

Let this happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think the average woman would be more upset?

[Giovanni]

He's kissing my hand.

[Alison Rosen]

Okay, now my butt's puckering.

[Adam Carolla]

It's going to smell like Cheetos or Doritos.

[Giovanni]

You smell your fingers. Just want. Later.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

So awesome. You did just.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you rather. Would you rather Daniel have one liaison physically with somebody on the road? Nothing. She was 23. Cocktail waitress, what have you. 1.

[Giovanni]

But he fucked the shit out of her, though. He fucked her.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. That's clear.

[Giovanni]

He fucked this shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Or a eight month long back and forth. Lots of tweets with the pet names. But no physical contact.

[Giovanni]

Right. Surreptitious phone calls. Maybe a Skype or two long emails. I miss you so much. The sound of your voice.

[Alison Rosen]

I have to choose one. Cause I don't want either. I know they both sound awful.

[Adam Carolla]

They're both awful. But I tend to think that for women, they take the one time versus the sort of feelings going back and forth.

[Giovanni]

Can I have your.

[Alison Rosen]

Actually. God, they both sound so awful. Well, I'm gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

Men would definitely say no to the physical part.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, that one seems the bigger betrayal. But maybe that's because I'm justifying my emotional affair with dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think that's what's going on. You're trying to soften the blow. Pardon the pun, but I gotta go.

[Giovanni]

Adam, because I want to hug Alison goodbye.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on a second.

[Giovanni]

I really have to go right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the problem with the back and the fourth and the eight month is you think it's gonna consummate at some point. That's why it's every bit as bad.

[Giovanni]

Oh, but haven't you been in a situation where we can't consummate this? You love your husband. I'm stuck with this fat wife of mine. Don't you think that's worse? Because then it's unrequited. Then it's more idealized, like we are.

[Alison Rosen]

Allison, we should just fuck.

[Giovanni]

This is what I've told you before. We should just your film it and.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it over with. Exactly.

[Giovanni]

Just do it once. Get it out of your system.

[Alison Rosen]

But only if it's on air.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's content that way. Not only it's on air, but it's emotional. Right? Off.

[Giovanni]

If it's on there. I need six weeks to work out.

[Adam Carolla]

So I can get my.

[Giovanni]

I get my porno body on.

[Adam Carolla]

What would it sound like if there was just an audio version of this?

[Giovanni]

It would be. First of all, it would be just a lot of preparation, you know, first of all, I do something real sexy. You know, I begin in there. You know, pop them blackheads. You know, do, like, that intimate tissue massage. You know, get it. Get you all butted up. And like I said, I would be tongueing down the booty hole. You know, get you. Get you correctly prepared. Well, you know, I have. I have a massage table that I pull out. You know, all my specials. I have some things. You get into toys? You get anything like that?

[Alison Rosen]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

No. Have you ever gotten into toys? This is why we can't get along.

[Adam Carolla]

Turn the music off.

[Giovanni]

You're not listening to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Giovanni]

Adam. Do you even hear me?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Giovanni]

I said.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, are you into.

[Giovanni]

Have you, like. Have you ever played around with, you know, sex toys?

[Alison Rosen]

Sir?

[Giovanni]

Allison, are you serious, or are you just saying this?

[Alison Rosen]

I am uncomfortable with the violin.

[Adam Carolla]

She's uncomfortable.

[Giovanni]

Okay, that's two yeses.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes does mean yes after all.

[Giovanni]

I mean, we're grown people.

[Adam Carolla]

Governor Jerry Brown said it himself.

[Giovanni]

We're grown people. I'm at the point in my life where, you know, I've never done this again. Let's dispense with that. Okay? We've done it. We've both done it with other people. But this time, it's gonna be different. A lot of kissing and hugging, okay? And I will suck that areola off your teeth.

[Adam Carolla]

I will. And then what does it sound like when you actually.

[Giovanni]

I mean, I finger bang. I finger bang real hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. Please.

[Giovanni]

No. Not yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Dag. If you think I'm gonna sit here for more than another 40 minutes and expose Allison to this world, you picked the wrong studio.

[Giovanni]

Allison, I just wanted to talk to you because, you know, we haven't talked since the dream. I felt uncomfortable, you know, because I've been feeling vibes, you know, from you, and I know. I think we should just hug and go back to our formal lives, because this could never work. I mean, because you. We don't want to play with fire. Right, guys?

[Alison Rosen]

So it's, like, so bittersweet, but sensible.

[Giovanni]

So I'm gonna say we can cut this off, but I'm gonna send you my email if you would like to explain yourself longer.

[Alison Rosen]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

But tell everybody we have each other's numbers, right? Have I ever. Other than that, Sequence of text. Adam doesn't know about it. I know. Let's not even revisit it. I told you I was a little.

[Alison Rosen]

In a weird way.

[Giovanni]

And I think I apologized for the dick pics, which I feel embarrassed about. But we've moved on from that, have we not?

[Alison Rosen]

It's all behind me.

[Giovanni]

Okay. The way I like it. I said don't look at me. Look straight ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. Dang.

[Giovanni]

Yes. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. That's Adam Kurollo show 1432.

[Giovanni]

Coming up next, we have Adam Carollishow 778 featuring Def Rat Guy, Fred Weintraub.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2012. The DFG is trying to work out his headphones. I don't even know why he needs those. He's a lip reader. Yeah, yeah, I know. You came out here, you're a little bit pissed off about the whole Lou Ferrigno thing. Do you want me to give you a line of beer candy coated or do you want to hear the truth? I'll take the truth. Yeah. I don't know. Listen, I gotta say, it's about Lou Ferrigno. Lou is a complainer. He really is. Everyone on everyone will tell you. Anyone who did the Apprentice will tell you. Here's alright, if you said to every guy on the male team, I'll bet. Here's what I would do. Here's what I would do. I would pony up $50,000. You guys could pony up $500. I will put my 50 grand up to your 500. You guys being the other competitors. Anybody? You guys right here. Oh, okay. You see us get together. $500. I'll get together. $50,000.

[Alison Rosen]

We'll have to get another job.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can just ask everybody on the mail team who the biggest complainer was. And if Tony, you can't cook it. But that's it. That's how confident I am in Lou Ferrigno's ability to complain and everyone around him ability to. Now why. Why did we all come to that consensus? Lou would say, because we have it. We have it for a out for that's how everybody first of all, yes, I'm gonna call him Mr. Ferrigno until he. Until Mr. Ferrigno said it's okay for me to call him Lou. Okay. Sorry. Hell yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I know he does motivational speaking and he's two time Mr. Universe. Yes. All right. Bro. Bro. Dude. He 1971 pro Mr. America Teen as a teen. Right, right. Cover of Adoni. The guy took second, third, fourth. He didn't get many number ones in the 70s. But he's American, American icon. He says royalty. And the thing is. Okay, you're selling a car, right? What do you want when you get a car? Speed? Comfort? Mm, no. Hell no. You want strength. Strength. Stank. Strength. Yeah, okay, right. And who Bennett represents? Stank? Strength? Stink. Who represents stink Better? The Hulk. Who's home? The Hulk. Okay, I got you. Stink. Nobody represents stink. The Hulk eat stink. Oh, I'd say strength. He's strength. Hell yeah. Okay, I say I gotcha. All right, Listen, Maverick, I didn't bring you here to argue with. Don't. I'm not here to argue. Let the facts speak for themselves. 1974, Mr. Olympia, heavyweight, second place. Well, that's not first, that's second place. He came back and won some later on, you know. You know, he was 315 pounds with like 3% body. Who's number one? Yeah, he came back, but I know Arnie beat him a few times early on and I don't know, maybe Franco Colombo as well. Here's the thing. What is so JV about this? What makes it amateur hour? I mean about me and Liz. About you, dude. Yeah, bro. Okay, sorry. This is TV 101. Uh huh. This is, you know, you're in showbiz. You do not go after the star. The guy is the star of the show. I don't know. I don't know. He's a household name. Who told his name? Dwayne Strength. Who'd name his house? Told what? I'm not sure what. He's household. He's a household name. Oh, household, right. Yeah, he's strength and he's a household name. But you know, I would argue that Penn Jillette's a household name and so is Clay Akit. I mean, he's been around for a while. The Hulk. When you think of what you want from the car is a drink, there's nothing better to represent that than the big green. The dude is he. Oh, obviously you have an allegiance to him because he's a deaf icon and someone you probably grew up admiring. And there's a name that's going to be tough for you to say that he was very close with and actually the same age when this man died. I spoke to him about the great Bill Bixby. He was this great man. Do you know Bill Bixby? He was the. He was Robin to Mr. Ferrigno's Batman. Right, right. Can you say Bill Bixby? Bill Bixby. Bill Bixby? Hell yeah. No, no, I'm saying to you, Billy, Right. I know that would probably be. But, bro. Yeah. He was also in the Courtship of Eddie's Father with Bill Bitty. Was he in 43 feature film, like Lou Ferrari? Well, I know, but the Hulk returns. The Hulk visits, you know, hangs out with Emmanuel the Hulk in outer space. You know what I mean? Breaking trailer. Yeah, I'd like to see his 43 feature films. Would bid Bitty under cover of muscle builder from 1974. Three times in 1974. Say courtship of Eddie's Father. I think that'd be a good one for you, too. Hell, yeah. No, I'm saying, say Bill Bixby starred in the Courtship of Eddie's Father. Bill Bixby started in the Courtship of Their de Father. Hell, yeah. It's not funny. It's not funny. The point is. The point is Lou Ferrigno. Lou Ferrigno is. Is an icon. He's an icon in deaf community. And you're mad at me because I said that maybe he, you know, he had a disability, and I wasn't sure if he could be heard from the back of the room. Clearly. Yes. You said impairment. Oh, impairment. It was impaired. I was pretty honest, though. He was in the back of the room yelling.

[Alison Rosen]

You know, legitimate concern.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, thank you. Hindsight owed 20 20. Right. And, you know, if you go back, though, maybe we are not here right now. If you would just listen to Mr. Ferrigno and had him come out and try to rip the Buick apart. Well, you may. You may be right. And again, may the great Bill Bixby rest in peace. He was a good man. You wanted to hear mine? You want to hear mime? What you guys should have done. Yeah. Let's hear what the DFG defrec had done. This would have done. This would have also been a way to really stick it to the ladies, to the team of the ladies. All the guys come out. It's like, you know, like, where are all the guys? All the men on the team come out in bathrobes or just with towels around. The way you make a circle around the Buick, and you just start beating yourself raw. It's Okie cookie on the hood of the Buicky cookie on the. On the. We were just talking about the ookie cookie the other day, but no, you were talking, I think, before about the potato chip. That's called that. That's called.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, Wait, I forget.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Icky chippy had to go look that one up. All right, but we do the Okie cookie. Move on the hood of the Buick, bro. Bottom line, you think. You think any eyeballs are turning away from the TV to see all these celebrities? That's true, but I don't know about my kids. You know, they were watching the other night. I don't know if they would have wanted dad to do the Okie Cookie just to have to have them put it on mute on pause. Yeah, I think that's worse. I had this horrible. I had this horrible situation tonight where we were having one of our dance parties, and it was like one of these out of a movie things. We're having a dance party, and my wife was downstairs, and I was upstairs having a dance party with the kids. And Natalia said, we want to hear Michael Jackson. We want some Michael Jackson. So I play some Michael Jackson. We're having a dance party, and then at a certain point, it's time to come do the podcast. And I go, listen, Daddy's gotta go change, and he's gotta leave for work. And the computer's just up and has all the Michael Jackson songs. So I go, okay, let me just. I'll just skim down and hit Thriller. Just hit Thriller. And I left. And I went to the bathroom, and I'm like, putting on deodorant and pulling my new shirt on. And I hear, like, the kids, like, making noises and screaming and all this stuff. And I come around the office, I come around the door, and both of them, both their faces are glued to the computer screen as Michael Jackson's face is tearing apart and turning into a wolf.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God, that scared me so much.

[Adam Carolla]

As a kid, too. Probably the same age as that. And my son is crying. And then, of course, because it's like a sitcom, the wife turns the corner right as I. And she's like, what are you doing? And Sonny's like, man. And I'm like, no. And my wife's like, what the is wrong with you? And I'm like, I just. I just hit the song and I left. It says, you know, it's like there's a little. It's a icon the size of hummingbird's dick that says, you know, video. But I didn't know. I thought it's gonna be people dancing. I didn't know it was gonna be him. The whole 14 minute version with the face. And in. In Michael Jackson defense, he never had a childhood. Yeah, no, that's true. A lot like Lou. So my son is welling up and he wants me to hold him. And he said he. And Natalia's like, What the fuck? I'm gonna see the rest of this. And Lynette's like, it's enough. You can't see anymore. And she's like, where's the rest of the video? I wanna see the rest of the video. I'm getting yelled at by Lynette while Natalia's yelling. And it wasn't even the one we're looking at. It's the one where it went close. Like right when I walked in, it went on his face. The whole screen took up. I haven't even seen this one. It was like the director's cut or something. The whole screen was his face turning into a wolf. It took up the whole fucking screen. And son's bawling daughter wants to see it. And Lynette's like, what kind of fucking animal are you? And I'm like, I just went into the next. Goddamn. It's this. This is right. Right when I walk in is right when they go. Right. Let's see. I'll sell you. Right. Right to his face. Yeah, that's even that one. It showed his face ripping apart in the other one, pushing through it. Anyway. All right, we need to take a break. Say Bill Bixby one more time. Defrat guy. When the cool thing is when Bill Bigtie turned into the Incredible Hulk. That is family friendly. That is. That is the death rat guy, everybody. How do people. Can I ask a quick question before we go? What? A quick update on Moose and Poochie and his uncle. How's he doing? I haven't heard about these guys in so long. Poochie's uncle, I'm proud to say, is resting comfortably after health scare. He had another torsion incident of the tentacle because he forgot his sack sling. Poochie's uncle has a pretty prodigious sack and he's a little bit older. And he sits on it and there's a torsion, which it twists and then it cuts off the blood supply.

[Alison Rosen]

That's very painful.

[Adam Carolla]

That was insult to injury because he had been diagnosed a couple weeks before with. He's HPV positive. Hpv. Oh, positive, right? Oh, there's the face. There could not be a worse moment for me to walk into. I guess if Taboo 2 had popped up, that would have been pretty good too. But his face was cracking in half and a wolf was pushing through it. And both my kids were sitting four inches from the screen, just horrified. Well, Natalia was enthralled and Sonny was crying, right? Yes, that's exactly what I saw. This is right. What I want. And of course, again, the wife had to show up 30 seconds later and scream at me, what kind of nut job are you? Because of course, she didn't see me leave the room or hit play. And just, I'm gonna sit here and horrify my kids. That's what I do. All right, the deaf frat guy website. Deaf fratguy.com Twitter deaf fratguy.com Nice. And I know your buddy Josh Gardner's got a new album called Winter Bush, which is out and doing quite nicely. He seems like a really chill dude. He is. He's a great musician. Now available on itunes.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Kolla Show 778. Coming up next, we have Adam Carlisle Show 1821, featuring Jenna Elfman, Bodhi Elfman, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2016.

[Brian Bishop]

In the spirit of Murrow, Cronkite Brokaw.

[Adam Carolla]

Here'S another great moment in local news. All right, Cole Higgins is 14. Alyssa Layton is 16. Ryan Hogan is 36. Austin Halleck is 12. Billy Sloan is 58. Lori Valente is 45. Marilyn Camarco. Camarco is 60. Marilyn Happy 60th. Barbara Calkins is 76. And Harry Seward is 72. That's a great moment in local news. Now back to the Adam Carolla show. I might heat it up. There we go. Explanation for our guests. I've decided that Harry Seward is my new page name. So if you're at the airport, Harry.

[Brian Bishop]

Seward, is that also what you check in hotels under?

[Adam Carolla]

You want to know what? Way back in the day, I used to check in to hotels under the name Jimmy Kimmel because nobody knew who Jimmy Kimmel was. And I was on MTV and I knew we'd get hassled if me and Dr. Drew were playing West Virginia. And there was only one hotel, hotel at the college campus. So I would just go as Jimmy Kimmel because he was Jimmy the sports guy on kroc and no one in West Virginia knew who he was. Jenna Elfman, Bodhi Elfman. Here, their podcast, Kicking and Screaming. And it's once a week. It's on itunes. It's also filmed as well. And it's about marriage and life. And you guys should know. You met 91.

[Doug]

Yeah, we've been together 26.

[Brian Bishop]

26 years now.

[Adam Carolla]

Years.

[Brian Bishop]

It doesn't feel like a day over 50.

[Adam Carolla]

And you met at an audition?

[Doug]

Yeah, we were at an audition because we did commercials. And, and I was standing there, you know, because I was. Had a lot of attitude I was very sassy. And I was standing there, like, bored with it all, thinking I was way too cool. And he walks up all eager beaver and very communicative.

[Brian Bishop]

Just a sexy Jew, Adam. I was just a sexy Jew in my prime.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Jew, that's a lot of chutzpah walking up to a tall glass of goyim, especially.

[Brian Bishop]

Or possibly face made for radio.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Jenna Elfman's, like, a strikingly beautiful dude. Right? Creature. I'm not even gonna give you a definition. I'm sticking with my Caitlyn Jenner. But I just mean you're a good example of a human being.

[Doug]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Doug]

So he came up. He walks up and he goes, you look exactly like my girlfriend. Do you have a picture so I can show her?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Doug]

And I was going out with a guy at the time that had just gotten out of the state penitentiary. I was 19. He was 31, and it was really super awesome, dude. Whoa. I'm so glad I have no sexually transmitted diseases, because I never used contraception with him of any kind. But that's not what I was saying.

[Brian Bishop]

That wasn't his question.

[Doug]

No, he came up, and then he ended up. We did the audition together, and it was, you know, remember, like, I like the way you make me laugh. Boo doo doo doo, sprite. I like the funny thing. So he. We went into the audition room, and we're supposed to, like, tell some joke. And his joke was so stupid.

[Brian Bishop]

It wasn't a stupid joke. It was an amazing joke.

[Doug]

Not that I had anything better, but I was very.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we remember what I was.

[Doug]

Something about a bear.

[Brian Bishop]

Give me a minute. Keep talking, I'll think.

[Doug]

Was it the bear in the woods?

[Brian Bishop]

The bear in the woods? Thanks, sweetheart.

[Adam Carolla]

So you went in anyway.

[Doug]

I just remember being completely, oddly fascinated by him and repulsed at the same time.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

That's not ambivalent.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, a little repulsion is passionately ambivalent.

[Doug]

You know what I mean? It was, like, passionately repulsed and annoyed and passionately fascinated. And then he ended up walking me to my car, and I had parked in some random person's spot in their carport, which he gave me shit about the entire time. Got my headshot, and then he took it home to his roommate.

[Brian Bishop]

I took the headshot home to my roommate, and I said, this is the girl I'm gonna marry. And he said, who is it? And I said, I don't know, but I'm gonna marry this girl. Something clicked in me, like some sort of inner something or another, and I just was like that's happening right now. And he said, well, how are you gonna see her again? I said, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

But then did he.

[Doug]

And then we both ended up getting commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't point at the huge pile of headshots where he made the same proclamation on an almost daily basis. They were just gathering dust in the.

[Brian Bishop]

Those were found in the nudity magazines. The same proclamations.

[Doug]

You know what's weird? I did look identical to her, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Did.

[Doug]

He did have a girlfriend. She was young. I was 19 at the time and she was like 18. And. And I did look just like her. But I mean, she didn't have my sash.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody has. Nobody has your.

[Brian Bishop]

And Adam, I'm gonna call BS on the story because she wasn't repulsed. I could see it in her eyes. There was something where she went, this little scrawny, high pitched Jewish guy that for Some reason is 10 degrees below my level, is affecting me in a way I don't understand.

[Doug]

That's true.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the look in her eye.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. And not really 10 degrees, more like 10 points. Cause 10 degrees, you know, that can go from 80 to 90. But. Yeah, let's make it notchy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, this is torrential algebra out of five notches.

[Adam Carolla]

But. And then Bodhi took her headshot and embarked on his own 6, 12, 18, 24 hour challenge. Right. So how then. All right, so you both got the gig.

[Doug]

We did.

[Brian Bishop]

And it got rained out, so we had to spend seven days together in a trailer, you know, where we just kept talking, kept getting rained out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

So I. But I was done, like, for me, I was like, this, this is the one I'm gonna marry.

[Doug]

And for some reason I had another friend that was a guy that had a crush on me that I was kind of certain that also was out of the state penitentiary. I'm not sure what my fascination with criminals there was.

[Brian Bishop]

Chum in the water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you need to find a better place to set up your lemonade stand. Those guys are just exiting, are thirsty and they're horny and the state just gave them $40.

[Brian Bishop]

Jenna walking around a state pen in a bathing suit probably didn't help.

[Adam Carolla]

Jenna, where do you come from? What? What town?

[Doug]

I'm born and raised here in la from the Valley.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. Wow. And you and what part of the valley?

[Doug]

Northridge, which actually I really technically was Sepulveda when it was a city.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Doug]

But we were on the western edge of Sepulveda, right next to Northridge. Like as you go close To Balboa.

[Brian Bishop]

Jen and her fucking Geographic.

[Adam Carolla]

So did you go, I'm interested. I'm from North Holland.

[Doug]

I know. And my. There's a bunch of like the white people that didn't want to be associated with the Elvera street of the 70s and 80s and that area was called Sepulveda. And so they moved it over several blocks. They moved Northridge east a bit and we got out of Sepulveda and became Northridge.

[Adam Carolla]

We used to live in North Hollywood and then Alvera street moved in and now we call it Valley Village.

[Doug]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

That's more hipster y.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they do. They just give it another name, see if they get the real estate prices up. So you grow up, your parents do What?

[Doug]

Well, they're 81 now, back in the day. But my dad worked at Hughes Aircra.

[Adam Carolla]

Company which was out there.

[Doug]

Yeah, it was. Well, it was out in El Segundo.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that.

[Doug]

Yeah, he did the drive.

[Brian Bishop]

Military security. Like the high end military area. No, no one knew. No one could be in the office.

[Adam Carolla]

Rockwell or Aerodyne or There's a whole bunch of. Valley had a whole bunch of industries. Yeah.

[Doug]

There was Marcourt, which was right by the Van Nuys airport. And he started off there when they first got married. And then he moved to Harris, whose aircraft he wrote security policy for who could know what in the building of the government contracts for Hughes.

[Brian Bishop]

He's the decider.

[Doug]

So it was like, you're going to build these parts, you're going to these parts. So he wrote. I could never look in his like briefcase, but he knew about secret security clearance stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, he'd be like, that's an F14 in the missile range from air to ground. He would know.

[Doug]

Like he'd be watching the Gulf War and he's like, oh, this is an interesting one.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he would know little stats.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So it was like I had a stepdad who worked for Lockheed and he worked in the skunk works and that was the same thing. It's just the sort of super secret whatever world.

[Brian Bishop]

They knew little things.

[Doug]

And my mom was, you know, took care of the kids and was a homemaker and then, you know, occasionally worked odd jobs and. Or worked at the ballet show.

[Adam Carolla]

So you grow up as normal as you can be.

[Brian Bishop]

She was a blunt head ballet.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you start getting into. You look in the mirror.

[Doug]

At some point I just wanted to entertain. And the ballet dancing was good training and good discipline. And then I had an injury that just was like, okay. A ballet career going up on Point with this ankle is not gonna be real. And so I started dancing for TV and film because it wasn't. It was more jazz dancing and not so much much point being on my toes. And then that led into dancing on the Academy Awards, meeting him at a Sprite commercial, and then I want to act when he's like, all right, I. I'm like, do you study anywhere?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Study with you? Okay, I'll study with you.

[Brian Bishop]

I took her under my wing.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam and I showed business. You had an act, so you.

[Doug]

You had too. He's. He's native, like, like, by the Cinerama Dome, like, Like, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Real Hollywood. Yeah. Did you go to Hollywood High?

[Brian Bishop]

I was thrown out of public school before high school came my way. I was a Holly, like, twice. What people don't realize is LA or Hollywood, it's cool now, but it used to be. It used to not be such a cool place.

[Adam Carolla]

I can hear your counselor now, Bod. We've talked to you about banging chicks way out of your league. Marilyn over there, she's smoking hot. All the seniors are. And these are guys on the football team. You play the saxophone. Glockenspiel. I don't even know what that is. We discussed about dating, sort of within your own ranks. And yeah, I've again, I had aspirations. Brought it up again. Her parents are outraged. She's incensed.

[Brian Bishop]

The Elfman's. Well, I actually. In the Hollywood kid. My dad started Oingo Boingo originally the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo, which was a theater troupe.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

So I go back.

[Adam Carolla]

That's as inside as it. As it gets.

[Brian Bishop]

Wailed of being a Kroc kid because I grew up. Because, matter of fact, one of the poor man used to be a DJ at KROC and was an Oingo Boingo. So I kind of have known about Adam for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

What people don't know is, yeah, they were the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo.

[Doug]

They'd like. They're performance artists on flatbed trucks, you know, going through Santa Barbara, Europe, France, in the early 70s.

[Brian Bishop]

My dad left it to his brother Danny, and Danny took it over and kind of turned it into a new wave band and then got into composition through my father's films.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so that's. That's your uncle's Danny Elfman.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When did I know this?

[Doug]

And Elfman is my married name.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll just say that everyone thinks I married into the Elfman. I married they forget about how I took the damn name.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. I knew a girl named Danielle Chaikin and her mom. I can't remember, Mom. The Chaykins were. I remember them. They were into music and they scored for movies and stuff like that. I remember her and he telling me about the mystic knights of the order, the Oingo Boingo. Something like that. Like 1981 or 80 or something like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, technically, dude. Like 68 or 69. Like, they were a theater troupe that traveled all through Europe and America. And then in the late 70s, my dad got into filmmaking, turned the band over to Danny. Danny got into alternative music and New Age. And then Danny got into making compositions or films through Tim Burton. The first films that had. Tim had done, which was Pee Wee's Big Adventure. So that was how that started.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw Oingo Boingo at the Reseda country club in, like, 1982, something. 83.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was probably there.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Doug]

So is there still a country club in Reseda?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there was a.

[Doug]

There wasn't the Odyssey Restaurant.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, it was. It was a. When Jimmy. When I met Jimmy. Jimmy Kimmel, the Blida. And Reseda was the boxing match that he had with Michael the maintenance man. And that was at the Reseda Country Club as well. And I also think featured. And I'm looking at Brian in the movie Boogie Nights, I think Knights.

[Brian Bishop]

The Valley Club. That's exactly what that was.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the country club in Reseda. Oh, man. There's a lot of. You know, it's funny. Cause I always used to say to Dr. Drew, you and I are the only two people in show business from here. Because he's from Pasadena, I'm from North Hollywood. But now we've been trumped by the Elfmans. And then you get into this family history, and it's absolutely unbelievable. So the podcast. Kicking, screaming. Is it a lot of working out, arguments, discussions, miscommunications.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's what happened originally was that when I hit my 40s, I kind of went through a midlife crisis. Well, I don't. I want to call it pre midlife because I don't want to die at 80. So I'd say it's like pre midlife. But I wanted to. I wanted to sleep with a lot of cheerleaders. And Jenna wasn't into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

And so we started.

[Doug]

I know. It's so. I know I'm the oddball. Weird wife. So prude.

[Brian Bishop]

She had all these weird, uptight things.

[Doug]

I had just had. Like, we just had our Second kid, and he started feeling so domesticated and, like, he couldn't go out at night because I needed him to help out with the fucking kids. And I was tired.

[Brian Bishop]

She has a trucker mouth and starts.

[Doug]

Like, feeling, oh, sorry, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

That's fine.

[Doug]

And you can bleep it.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Doug]

And he. He just started feeling like a trapped rat. And he took me to a cafe. I always pick so many rat for any of his, like, bad non Becoming qualities. I just pick rat as the analogy. But he took me to a cafe and he was very serious.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, now, wait, you've been together for how long at this point?

[Doug]

Well, at that point, it was 24. 23 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

23 years.

[Doug]

I mean, I tried three years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

It was. You've been together for 23 years, you have your second child, and he took you to a cafe.

[Doug]

Yeah. And he's like, I'm having a hard time, and I just feel like I need to fuck a cheerleader.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a real story. Oh, my God.

[Doug]

I said it again. I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna say it 10 more times.

[Adam Carolla]

Your Pravada is amazing. Bodhi.

[Brian Bishop]

She.

[Doug]

And we were drinking, you know, our little cappuccino.

[Brian Bishop]

I really felt like I had been with my hot, gorgeous wife for 23 years, and I was starting to get a hankering for, like, UC San Barber cheerleaders. I don't know what was in me. And I felt, she's my. Jenna's my best friend. I can tell her anything. So I was like, you know what, honey? I want an effort.

[Adam Carolla]

Cheerleaderleaf way to open it. I want a way to open that dialogue. Did that work out if you and Lynette had that conversation? Jenna Elphin's my best friend. Huh? No, I want to. No, I'm tired of banging you. Yeah. Oh, actually, I can bang Jenna because I talked to Bodie.

[Brian Bishop]

It's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, forget. You know what? Let's check. Let's just. Well, no, I'll just drive five. We got iced tea. I'll just drive five.

[Giovanni]

Let's go.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? Forget this ever happened.

[Doug]

Yeah, well, I thought about it, you know, and I thought, he's never cheated on me, ever. And I've never cheated on him, though. I've sucked every moment of kissing actors. I've sucked it for all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna go a different way.

[Doug]

Which she just started every moment, for what it's worth. And I thought I. And I had a moment of going, like, okay, golden rule, like, if this was me Or I was having a similar dilemma. How would I want to be treated? Then I thought, because I trust him. Because he's earned my trust. I thought, I, I get it. I actually, I get it. I said, okay. Just took another bite of my eggs, finished chewing, and then I said, okay, go.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Doug]

And I didn't do it spitefully or with like, female strings of revenge. I just said, go. I said, but two rules. Because here's, here's my logic on it. He was acting like such a caged animal and was so annoying to be around. I thought, I need to just set him free. Because something needs to come, something needs to alter the balance of.

[Brian Bishop]

The bird must fly. The bird must fly.

[Doug]

And I said, okay, go. But two rules. Wear a condom and come back. I said, but do what you need to do. Go do what you need to do.

[Giovanni]

And don't tell me about it.

[Doug]

Or, no, I'm dying to hear about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Doug]

I'd have to hear all about it.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd have to hear about it?

[Doug]

Yeah, because it's fascinating, right? Like I'd want to know who actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you believe this?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I, you know, at the top of the podcast, I would argue that you're going to circle the block aimlessly and then you're going to come back to the nest. But, but we've learned that Bodhi's got a pretty good track record. Charming mofo. The other side of that coin is it's on you or the guy, whoever the guy is in this case. To actually be able to do this thing, that's one thing you want to do.

[Brian Bishop]

To do it, to get a cheerleader. Such a big difference from thinking about that. All the cheerleaders are going to be lined up to actually, like what happens with a, with a, a 40 year old Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Here, let me explain how this conversation works with 19 year old cheerleader. Have you heard of Oingo Boingo and, or Dharma and Greg? I don't know what language you're speaking, but I'm just going to say no. Really? Ever seen the symptoms? My older brother. Then you've heard my uncle. You ever see syndicated tv? That's my old lady. So my dick's good enough for those two.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess it's gotta happen. Oh, my God. Why don't you put down those pom poms and grab some knee pads? I guess that's the way it's gonna go.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, in my head, that was exactly how it was gonna go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, that would be my opening.

[Doug]

Remarks to Actually ask him what ended up happening.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know what. I'll tell you what. Let me tease it first. I'm running behind here. True Car baby. Oh, you can help you get yourself a new car, a used car. They have over 500,000 pre owned vehicles. True Car certified dealers nationwide. Whether you're looking new, you're looking used, whatever you like, find out the exact price everyone else is paying. Do it in your neighborhood. Find out exactly what the model, the make and everything is and then go in, get the certificate, go into the dealer and get your car. It's already locked in. Truecar savers, I should say users save average of 3279 bucks off of MSRP. So buy new or buy used. Truecar.com you can download the app if you like as well. It's all free. TrueCar.com download the app. Quick digression here. You guys are both Scientologists, right?

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What does that. Is there any tenants in the Scientology religion that says, no, you cannot bang it your neighbor. You can covet the oxen of your wife, but you can't bang the cheerleaders. Is there any part of this? There's nothing. No.

[Doug]

Ethics are personal.

[Brian Bishop]

Sort of your own choice of how you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's your own choice.

[Doug]

Yeah, he said, you know, his ethics.

[Adam Carolla]

Are personal, so I get it. But is there part where it's like, oh, we need to go in and get like an adjustment or an evaluation or do something because this seems like it's flying in the face.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean any person can work on anything they want to work on, sort of. It's not a faith.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're working on cheerleaders.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I get it.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I mean it's a personal thing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but so what, what happened?

[Doug]

So I granted permission of freedom of thought and whatever. Okay, so tell them what you did, hun.

[Adam Carolla]

But Jenna.

[Doug]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead, very quickly. Is it possible to be so balanced and I guess the world is like self actualized that you can literally grant that permission without harboring resentment as you guys drive back to the house.

[Doug]

If we had been together, but if we had been together for three years, I couldn't. That would have never come out of my mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Doug]

But we've been through everything like we have all these years under our mouth. You know what I mean? So I feel like. I don't know, I just, I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You really truly felt that way?

[Doug]

I truly felt that he. What I felt was he needed to be permitted that to unhinge this feeling of Feeling trapped and domesticated.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, to be fair, I mean, when we're sitting there and I used to talk to Dr. Drew a lot about this, and we still do, but, you know, relationships are sort of steered toward the woman's sensibility in the sense that.

[Doug]

Guys are the bullies in the relationship.

[Brian Bishop]

They're stronger and more powerful than us, and they dictate the rules of the marriage or relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, I mean, I'll put it to you. I'll just put it to you this way. All the rules of a good relationship, which is, hey, he's very dedicated. He's very much the family man. He doesn't go out with his friends on Saturday night. He's not carous about it all. Goes against every stitch and every fiber in our body, 100%. And so in a weird way, it's like saying, okay, Michael Jordan, you have to play baseball forever. And we're like, we don't really want to play some hoop. And it's like, no, play baseball because it's the right thing to do. And it's like, well, right thing for you to do. But I'm good at basketball. I want to get back into the game. And it's like, nope, do this for the rest of your life or society will judge. Right. And in a weird way, like, we're biologically different.

[Doug]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what guys want to do. This is what women want to do. And we now have set the ground rules where unless you hang out in nest and start growing ovaries, you're a despicable individual.

[Brian Bishop]

Demaning men.

[Doug]

He's really educated me on that. Like, that's why I think I was able to do that is because he's really actually educated me on men are different than women. And don't try to turn him into a vagina.

[Brian Bishop]

He's point.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have a pamphlet?

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds horrible to say. I educated. I didn't educate anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Leave it on the coffee table. Oh, that old thing? Oh, I just dropped it off. I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't educate. I just, you know, men are men and. And I the idea that like one that a guy should forever, never, ever think about or look at it's fantasize. It just puts a guy in a position where he's just unreal. Committing transgressions continuously because you kind of trap.

[Adam Carolla]

So what was your journey?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, it wasn't a very long journey. What happened was I first I thought of all the hot girls that I was gonna bang. I started listing out of my Head. I was like, okay, so there's that one. That one. Like, I was like, okay, this is gonna be amazing. So that was the first thought that lasted about an hour where you, like, list them out in your head, and it was an amazing hour.

[Doug]

His face lit up because I saw him start to go through the Rolodex of, like, oh, finally I can, like, reach out to her.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, I was like, oh, this is gonna be epic.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, these are people, you know, you have relationships. You've had. Had friend relationships, business relationships with.

[Doug]

Giggles, past nannies that he's.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, listen. Yeah, Adam. Jenna only wants to hire the hottest nannies in the world.

[Doug]

They all just. It's a coincidence.

[Adam Carolla]

She.

[Brian Bishop]

She only likes super hot nannies for some reason. Okay. Anyway, that's another story.

[Doug]

I like looking at cute girls, too.

[Brian Bishop]

That's another story. So let me tell you what happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. So I thought of. I went through the list of all the girls, and then I. And then it was sort of a simple thing. I went, you know, it all sounds really good, and it would be awesome, but the thing is, is that we got these two boys. I dig the hell out of these two boys. I really, really dig the kids. And I don't want them to grow up. I don't want to grow up with a secret from them. Like, I don't want to have secrets from my kids. And I also thought that kind of degrades Jenna. Like, she's the coolest chick I've ever met in my entire life. And that's gonna make it look like it just makes her look less. So. Within two hours, I was like, ah, screw the whole thing. I'm gonna get a motorcycle and go to Yosemite.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's what he did.

[Giovanni]

I did.

[Brian Bishop]

I got a motorcycle and went to Yosemite backpacking with buddies. And I was. It was a done deal for me. From that point on, I never really gave a crap about it.

[Doug]

I was willing for him to go do what he needed to do. Like, I had reconciled that for myself, because I went. It doesn't count. You know, I just went, he's feeling trapped. I have a responsibility in, like, shoving him into this. Like, being jealous of him. Like, he sometimes, you know, at the end of the day, he, like, wanted to, like, get out, go to a movie or something. And I was jealous because I was, like, at home with the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Doug]

And I didn't get to go to the movies, and I didn't get to go fucking whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Get a Massage Jenna and Bodhi. Sorry, but this could be all part of a diabolical plan, which is this whole I bought a motorcycle and went to Yosemite. Could be I got a Prius and went to Van Nuys and bang, a bunch of slugs. Like, but it was all. It would be a perfect. See, it's. It's a perfect thing because it has. It has a sort of beginning, middle in the end. Now. Now she's convinced. Like, see, otherwise you'd be walking around thinking, maybe he cheated on me, maybe he didn't cheat on. If you didn't have the conversation. But the cafe conversation with the gut check time with the, I looked into my son's eyes, and now I bought myself a Vespa, and I'm going to have Triumph. What else? The point is, now you're off the radar. Jenna's not thinking about you out there, sneaking around behind.

[Doug]

No, it wasn't behind my back because they'd never be behind me.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm saying that it's a diabolical plan to say, once I got to Triumph and once I got my buddies and once we went to. And I came back, it's as if.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I'm not doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's smart.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if it was diabolical at hand, you got permission.

[Adam Carolla]

You got permission. Like, technically, you did get permission for your wife, but you chose to get the Triumph instead.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. I'm gonna think about this one. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

So it was a Bonneville T100 limited edition.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Specific, smart.

[Brian Bishop]

Always see, the specifics of the nannies. Was the redheaded nanny, and that translated to the Bonneville T100 limited edition.

[Doug]

Polarized hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the Bonneville's orange. Orange, that's right. I've had a nanny and night nurses and things myself. And I have found myself in situations where with just me and the nanny or the night nurse, like, laying on the daybed together, because the kid. We're watching a Pixar movie, and the kid's, like, falling asleep on the floor, and the wife's out of town, and you're like, oh, my God, if this is Elam Nordegram or whoever Tiger woods married who used to be a nanny. Like, if that was that next to this on the bed with the thing.

[Doug]

And then perfect storm.

[Adam Carolla]

How can you invite that into your home?

[Brian Bishop]

Look how many celebrities are breaking up because the dumb dude slept with the nanny. Yeah, it's, like, in the press every month now. A new dumb dude slept with the nanny.

[Adam Carolla]

But when you're a 1718 or 19 year old tiger woods ex wife and somebody brings that into the house, that member of the Swedish bikini team into the house to then live with the middle aged, successful, testosterone ridden guy or laden guy who's going and then go out of town. How are these?

[Doug]

I never thought, I don't think I ever considered when I was hiring them though that they were any competition to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they're not. We don't need better, we need different.

[Doug]

Right, right.

[Brian Bishop]

But here's the truth. The ones that are just more of.

[Doug]

What you call, we'll take a lack. Don't you want though? Like would it satisfy. Sorry, honey. I'm sorry. Would it satisfy you though if you just got it more per week?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think, I think for guys we're wired for variety. I think that's, that's the problem. We're really fighting nature wise.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Spread as many seeds as possible. We're humpers and gatherers.

[Brian Bishop]

The whole cave, we need to impregnate the whole cave to build the hearth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes, that's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Jenna.

[Giovanni]

Jenna.

[Brian Bishop]

What it turned out to be was the nannies we ended up keeping for long term were always really kind of great, really good personalities and very clean. There were a few nannies where I said, like we met with them and where I said to Jenna, you hire that nanny and I'll fuck her. I'll tell you right now, I will fuck that nanny. Don't hire that one. And she wouldn't. So she was smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Going out to feed the meter. I can see the pool man standing out front of the screen getting scared now. Who's next? Nodding like he really will.

[Doug]

This is what we talk about on our podcast. We talk about everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

I hope everyone comes to know that. No, in 26 years, neither of us have never even held the hand of another person.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, well. So Bodhi, here's the, here's the question then for you. Yeah. Where does the personal momentum come from? Because I've always said that guys, especially the guys who got all the girls like when I was in junior high and stuff, really just did it on personal momentum. They weren't the tallest, broadest shoulders or the best looking. They just did it because they did it. And as that work, then begat the next and the next and the next. And it's like a personal momentum, which I always say is more important than any college degree. It's more important than, than really anything that can be taught on any campus or anything. It's just for guys it's a personal momentum. In terms of life. Every aspect of life.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's well said.

[Adam Carolla]

Where? And if I could get a tablespoon of that and feed it to my son, I love it. Now, the thing about women is it helps. But if you are a three and a half, it doesn't matter how much chutzpah and personal momentum you have. Society won't respond accordingly to it at the bar or at the audition for Sprite or whatever it is. But a guy can personally momentum himself right into the arms of a beautiful blonde or a great career or whatever, whatever it is. And then there's other people that are constantly just dipped in a vat of doubt. And it's like you're saying you're smart, you're good looking. Like, why don't you. Why should I talk to her? She never talked to me in. I'm sure it's all some horrible pill our parents gave us at a young age, but where do you get it? And how can I create it so I can synthesize it so I can feed it to my daughter and son?

[Brian Bishop]

I think I just love and admire women. I really dig women. Like, I dig them.

[Doug]

When I met him, he had a group of 13 women that he was friends with. Well, okay, like he loves women.

[Brian Bishop]

I just dig women.

[Doug]

But like, loves them. Like not just for the sex aspect, but like he's fascinated by women.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's selling this I like property in Malibu. So now what?

[Brian Bishop]

No, but listen, you love cars a ton.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

You love them so much that that drive forces you to do things that are probably dangerous, that someone else would have self doubt in. But because you love that so much, you're not thinking about that other stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I get. I mean, I get the sexual addiction, but what I'm saying is it still does. It doesn't mean. I know. It doesn't mean you get to land really tall hot blondes. Like, there's a momentum. I can feel it. You have a personal momentum. And Jenna was attracted to it. I was attracted to it, but now 40 minutes in, it's starting to wear up. No, what I'm saying is it's a great positive. It's the one attribute I wish my kids had or you should wish for anyone that you want to be successful. The personal momentum. What kind of environment did you grow up in? Did people tell you you could do what you wanted to do? Or is it just the opposite and you're rebelling against it like Madonna?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't even know, dude, but I have one of the weirdest upbringings that's ever.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to hear about that.

[Brian Bishop]

I was raised by my lesbian mom. Like my dad and her were a one night stand.

[Doug]

She was always a lesbian. And his dad has a personal momentum with women.

[Adam Carolla]

Got her, you can bet, a lesbian.

[Doug]

On a weekend and got her pregnant. They were both conga drummers and had that in common. And I think it was an art, you know, I kind of grew up.

[Brian Bishop]

Just with powerful women, you know, I mean, like just powerful women. And so I grew up in a really strange environment which was that I didn't. My mom didn't know. I didn't know a lot of straight adults. Like I. It was mainly like the gay community that I grew up in, in the.

[Doug]

Heart of Hollywood in the early 70s.

[Adam Carolla]

And your. Your mom had a steady partner?

[Brian Bishop]

My mom has had a steady partner for 40 years now.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you know monogamy?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I do know monogamy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's sort of a bizarre version of it. At least back in the day.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I mean, you know, back in the day in Hollywood it was like there was a lot of bigotry towards that lifestyle. And now, thank God, things are more. People can grant more life to all the different varieties of life. But I grew up in an environment that had just bigotry continually thrown at me. Me. And I guess I kind of made a decision early on to just do what I thought was right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's gotta be weird when you're, you know, I gotta go. Sadly, I gotta go to open House tonight and argue about Alvara street with the faculty over there. But you know, this is in the 70s. Whenever it is, if two mommies or two daddies show up, that's super weird. For the time for everyone to class.

[Brian Bishop]

The kids weren't allowed to spend the night at my house.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah. Like when you're in the fifth grade and your other fifth grade friends and where they can make fun of you for anything. The two Mommy Sing is. I mean, sure. What year were you in the fifth grade? I mean, approximately 69.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm. I'm born in 69.

[Doug]

I was probably like 78, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Nowhere near where we've been in. Nowhere near.

[Doug]

She was, you know, a really rebellious hippie artist, you know, so they would sleep with the door open on purpose. She would garden with no shirt on and big giant boots. Beast. I went over for lunch when I first met him. Like I had been going with him for a little bit and I went over to her house for lunch and she. The entire afternoon Together. Had no shirt on and no bra.

[Brian Bishop]

Big Russian. Big Russian lesbian titties.

[Doug]

And we were just. She and I, and we were sitting, having lunch. She's a total.

[Brian Bishop]

She could give a crap.

[Doug]

Rebel. And she's hilarious. And she and I get on really well.

[Adam Carolla]

Badass.

[Doug]

And. But she's a. And she's a great artist, and she has an amazing sense of humor, but she's edgy. And she. We ran into one of his childhood friends recently with her, and he was like, I remember. Used to garden topless.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, a lot of my friends.

[Doug]

Burning your bra.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was hoping for a recommendation for a book. Now I gotta get a big, busty lesbian Russian bra to walk around in front of my son all day. Shit.

[Doug]

Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know if I recommend.

[Adam Carolla]

Helga, start gardening. Get out there, Hatsenka. Oh, boy. This is a tough recipe to follow now. So now you grow up with this. Yeah. So you must. So that's a very bizarre childhood.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's unusual, but it's probably not unusual for people in Hollywood, I mean, you know, in that scene.

[Adam Carolla]

But you must take a lot of teasing at school, and you must get a thick skin pretty fast, right. And you must learn to kind of. Of how to sort of deal with people and how to fend them off and how to deal. I mean, you're not a big guy, so it's like you have to deal with comedy or words or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Get along with anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

That was what it was. And I think that I learned how to get along with anyone, which made it to where women weren't threatening to me or intimidating to me.

[Giovanni]

They were.

[Brian Bishop]

They were something to engage playfully or have a good time with. So, and that's another great point, is because maybe it was a lot of lesbian women. There was no weird. Like, for me, it was just a lot of. It was just the engagement of the fun femininity. Like, I just dug women.

[Adam Carolla]

So are you going off to college after this?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I was. I was. I had. I was a street kid. Like, I kind of just, you know, I got in trouble and then cleaned up my act.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you basically are. Because your mom's sort of hippie dippy. I had the hippie dippy mom, too. And the hippie moms were sort of like, hey, man, if he doesn't want to go to school, he doesn't want to. You know, if he wants to eat out of a dumpster, let him eat out of a dumpster. If he wants to gamble with a homeless person, let him Ride the homeless person. That's his life. That's his life.

[Brian Bishop]

You nailed it. So I rebelled by settling down really early because Jen and I have been together for a long time, since she was a teenager. So I ended up rebelling against the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you find Scientology literally walking the streets of Hollywood? Because that's where the big center is.

[Brian Bishop]

No, my dad has been a Scientologist since the late 60s.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so your dad's in the picture? Yeah, that's.

[Doug]

He wasn't around much, but he wasn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Around as a kid to help out, you know, the weekend. No, no. Like the. Like the birthday, Christmas dad. He was that dad. But then at 14, I got into a lot of trouble, and he kind of was like, all right, I guess I better, like, you know, come around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And he kind of helped out, and then that was that.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're not. See, a lot of kids would be, I'm gonna rebel against you, old man. Like, whether in a Scientology or you're born again Christian or you're Jew, whatever it is, I'm not doing what you want me to do because f you.

[Brian Bishop]

He didn't push anything. He was like, hey, maybe this will help whenever. And I was kind of like. I kind of was tired of the Hollywood scene. It was a lot of. There was a lot of mean. Like, there's a lot of pretty angry element. Everyone was mean. The blacks were mad at the Mexicans. The Mexicans were mad at the gays. Like, everyone was pissed off. And I kind of dug that. In the Scientology vibe, it was a little more gracious. That was it. It was like, all right, People were, like, treating each other with more respect. And I dug that because I was always kind of a nice guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I've always thought, like, in terms of I'm an atheist, but Brian, I think will back me up. I've never really made fun of or had an issue with Scientology just because everyone who seemed to participate in it seemed to be pretty level, nice and on time and didn't seem to abuse drugs and they didn't beat each other up and whatever it is. But I feel that way about, I don't know, Hindus trying to think Buddhists. Someone's trying to recruit me to be a Buddhist once. And I remember thinking, I don't think I'm be a very good Buddhist, but I do think it's a good idea to, like, sit down and be alone with your thoughts and think about what you'd like to achieve for X amount or chant on something. But same way I'D say, talk about meditation. But then all these stories.

[Doug]

Taking a good long walk.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, classical music and a walk are taken. I take my kids for a walk every single night.

[Doug]

And it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so just stress, whatever. And there's, like, the one dog that looks like Triumph the insult wonder dog or whatever, and it barks at us every time. And it's just sort of. I've decided I've talked my son in the fact that the dog doesn't like him, but it likes my daughter. It only barks when he shows up. So Natalia's in front and Sonny's behind. But Scientology then came under a lot of fire, like, under the last six months, whatever. All the. All that has that okay for you guys? Are you getting a lot of crap? Is it harder?

[Brian Bishop]

Now, here's my thoughts on the subject. I don't like talking about it too much, but I don' Mind shying away from it just because I'm not interested in proselytizing or trying to do anything. Like, people do whatever the hell they want. I don't care. But I will say I grew up in an environment with a lot of hate, right? So I grew up in a gay home. My mom is a lesbian. And I've seen hate. Now, I can't say I've seen hate, like, can exist in other realms of hate with the African American community, with Jews in the World War. But I saw elements of hate. And what I observe is that everyone hate someone, right? And what. Things are so PC now. The element of hate has made it to where, oh, you can't hate this. You can't hate that. Oh, but they're the Scientologists. Oh, they're the new guys. Where do you think all that hate goes, right? Like, there's always been hate. There's always. There's always a reason to hate somebody. And then later on, 20 years later, they go, oh, we don't hate them anymore. No, no. Oh, no, we used to hate the blacks. Now we don't. Oh, no, gays are bad. Oh, no, they're good. Now what I found is it's just all right. With a new guy on the block, no one knows what the hell they're talking about. I've never met someone that hates it, that understands anything about it. So I usually just feel. It's just hate, man. It's just more hate. Whether you hate Scientology or you hate blacks, it's the same shit. It's just we're the new guy on.

[Adam Carolla]

The block, so it's like Sort of Rubik's Cube. It's like, it's always there. You just spin it around and it goes to another side. And then you spin it around, it goes somewhere else.

[Brian Bishop]

People that are hating on my religion in a decade or two decades are going to go, oh, no, we're cool with them now. Now it's the blah, blah, blahs. And it's just going to be a new side cycle.

[Doug]

And it's. You know, the one thing I observe is it's. It's the hate is a really. Actually a small group of people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Doug]

They're very, very talented at making it seem bigger. That it's a more widespread viewpoint of their. Their opinion or their viewpoint is more widespread. Like, you know, so it's like, it's like, it's what Bodie said. It's just, you know, I see that. You know, there's an amazing drug rehabilitation program called narconol with a 70% success rate. There's drug education programs that are sponsored by the church just because they find when people are educated about drugs, they tend not to abuse them. You know, there's literacy programs, there's criminal reform programs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, my sort of take is I just work with the freedom of being an atheist. I just work big to small. So when somebody says children growing up without a father in the house, I go, that's a big problem. I agree with that. That's a huge problem. Because unless your mom's a hippie lesbian. Right. It's creating.

[Brian Bishop]

I needed that dad that he came and helped out.

[Adam Carolla]

It's creating criminals, it's creating junkies. It's creating horrible students. There's a lot of discipline problems. It's creating fine actors. It's from fine actors. It's creating a lot of societal problems. And then at some point, somebody says, what about secondhand smoke? And I go, I don't. I'm not for it, but I don't care. Well, what about cats and pets having a higher incidence of cancer, growing up and being raised in houses that have smokers? And I'm like, we'll get to it. I'll get to it. I want to get to the part where everyone's growing up with a mama and no daddy, and why they're not able to get out of poverty and have success and why they're having difficulties, difficulty at school and then getting in trouble with the law. So we'll get to that. And we'll get to, like, renewable power sources and clean water and things like that. And then what was that? Thing about the cat, right, they get cancer with. What were you saying? Smokers. Okay, we'll get to that.

[Brian Bishop]

Your chinchilla has diabetes. Okay, that's at the end of the.

[Adam Carolla]

My thing is, it's kind of that way with Scientology. Like, I don't. As far as I can tell, the pizza parlor was not blown up by the Scientologists wearing the explosive vest. And the beheadings of the CNN camera crew were not filmed and put online by the Scientologist. And there's many other things we can get to. They're not on my radar because they don't affect me. And it seems to me that they seem like you guys, which is 35.

[Brian Bishop]

Years now studying it, and I've just found it to be cool people. Done.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Done deal.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm fine with it. Yes, Gina, quick question. Just a technical question. You are raised Jewish or your mom's Jewish?

[Brian Bishop]

Lesbian, Jewish, hippie.

[Adam Carolla]

Totally different.

[Brian Bishop]

That means. Literally, that means nothing.

[Giovanni]

Gotcha.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I have a friend.

[Adam Carolla]

I know someone who is Jewish and in Scientology refers to himself as a Scientology.

[Brian Bishop]

Me too. Do you? I just didn't say that. But yeah, but religion wise, I didn't know if you're allowed to.

[Doug]

Here's the basic thing. You can be any religion and use Scientology. There's a bunch of Buddhist monks that came over to learn the study technology. There's whole technology on how to study study so that they can better understand their own religion. So non denominational. There's every religion, you know, there's. There's courses on how to learn how to communicate better. So there's just you. That any religion can apply better communication skills so they can better communicate with their priest or with their wives, or atheists can just enjoy what they're doing already and enjoy their kids and help. And you probably, you know, you probably.

[Brian Bishop]

Couldn'T be a religion that was bombing people and do. And do something.

[Doug]

Yeah, that's probably across purposes helping things.

[Adam Carolla]

So I want to ask Bodie and Jenna, because I'm very fascinated about this relationship. I'll tease it, but it seems to me that the thing that's most attractive. Have you noticed the way we use our phones are ironic? I mean, phones are supposed to be for communication, but we look at them more and more than we look at each other. That's ironic. That's what I'm saying. So U.S. cellular created U.S. mode to help us reconnect. It helps us use phones a little less. Ironically, a phone company wanting people to use their phones, less ironic. Let's find US again with US mode from US Cellular visit uscellular.com built for us to get started about bode, which is the motor. There's also a thing that kind of gets you into trouble a little bit because you got to be able to turn that motor down. And I'm not sure. You may have a toggle, but I don't know if you have a dimmer that we can turn that motor down a little bit. And I want to know. I want to know if there's, you know, if there are attempts. Attempts at that or if there's just. You got to go out and play handball for three. Three hours straight and then come back into the house. I mean, I want to know how it works in the relationship, the motor. Because I have a much. I have much more of a motor than my wife does. I gotta. We gotta do this and we gotta do that. We gotta do this. And I can see her being overwhelmed, going, just. Who cares? Just relax. Just sit down, you know? No, no, no, no. Here's what we're doing. Here's what we're doing. Here's what we're doing.

[Doug]

Tell him. Sometimes I dare you just to not give a shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Doug]

What would happen if you just didn't care about that? Like, just let it go uncontrolled? What might happen? We got it. We nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

I play in an adult baseball league. I boxed my whole life. I do a million things I can't. Like, I just dig doing things.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, let's wait. Let's discuss how that's simpatico. All right, so, Bodie, how do we chillax a little bit? And then how do we not agitate Jenna by constantly.

[Doug]

Jenna has to make sure he has sex one to two times a week, and that helps the toggle.

[Brian Bishop]

Also, it really helps that I have two young boys. So I take the boys and I get out.

[Doug]

I do a lot of stuff, do adventures.

[Brian Bishop]

Hiking, camping, baseball. Like, I'm off with the boys doing stuff all the time. Bike rides, because they don't tire. Like, if I have a lot of energy, they make me look like I'm a sleep.

[Giovanni]

How old are they?

[Brian Bishop]

6 and 8.

[Adam Carolla]

Are there any attempts for you, or is there some room in the. At the celebrity center you can go into and be quiet, Do a little tai chi. You know what I mean? Like, is there a. Is there. I mean, obviously you don't want to turn it down, but. Or do you want to turn it down?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Doug]

He gets into bed at, like, 8 and opens up his Laptop and starts watching his movies. Pony, there was a period of time where you were, like, in bed, opening up that laptop, headphones on.

[Brian Bishop]

I like watching movies.

[Adam Carolla]

And what is the big.

[Doug]

I'm like, okay, I'll put the kids to bed. No, I got it. I mean, if I want to go to bed early. Like, if I said him. Hey, can you put the kids down? Because I want to go to sleep early. Doesn't happen. I'm not allowed.

[Brian Bishop]

She's full of right now.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not.

[Doug]

The kids will never let you fall asleep if you're in the house. You got to go to a hotel or something if you want to go to bed at a decent an hour. I'm like, are you done telling your.

[Brian Bishop]

Stories, your fictional stories? I think Adam has a question.

[Adam Carolla]

The question is, what, beside the podcast, are you guys writing? Are you. Yes. Is there a passion for some sport, some cause? I mean, obviously there's that he does Scientology and there's the podcast and how much writing is going on on a daily basis or projects. A documentary you're working on.

[Brian Bishop]

We're developing scripted program about marriage that's sort of that. But Jenna's actually involved, not related to our religion, a ton of charity things, like she 10x's anyone I know that has nothing to do with our religion? All kinds of charity that she does. She's the one that's, like, way active and stuff like that. Dizzy Feed a dance charity.

[Adam Carolla]

Forgive me for talking finance here, but are we guys good financially, or do we need it to constantly come in to make ends meet, or is there enough residual money? Money?

[Doug]

No, we're good.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're good?

[Doug]

We're good. But I learned early on. And I also just have this as. I don't know, as an artist, I don't ever. Especially, like, in television or as an artist, when, you know, you're relying on, like, another corporation's activities to determine your rate of survival.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Doug]

I never am comfortable just resting on my laurels and going, I'm good. I got money in the bank. Like, I sort of feel like. Like it's better. This is something I built in at some point, but I just pretend I have none.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Doug]

And so it just keeps me producing new ideas. It keeps me inventive. It keeps me reaching and looking at new ways to create and do, you know? So, I mean, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a balance, I think. But, I mean, you don't want to go through life running scared, right?

[Giovanni]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

On the other hand, it's good to have A little.

[Giovanni]

No.

[Doug]

If you manage your fight finances properly, you. You're not running scared, you're being creative. There's a difference on the.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I get it. But you also want a little I gotta make hay while the sun shining kind of vibe too. Like, come on, it's time to go to work.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Without.

[Doug]

That's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I get it. I feel like there's some celebrities or artists or just human beings that just never give themselves a break. Like they can never. They're constantly thinking they're.

[Doug]

That seems a bit manic though, and imbalance.

[Adam Carolla]

It is, but it can be the path. I don't think it's the path to happiness, but it can be the path to riches. If they feel like someone's constantly chasing them or.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you gotta. I think having kids changed a lot for us. Like, I'm really dedicated to doing, like, doing stuff with my kids. Like that's become a real life of mine is life with them creating art with them doing things that are athletics and sports and art.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you at with your kids? Like, I have a couple of kids and I have twins and they're nine. And you know, my whole life everyone's saying, you gotta get them into this and you gotta get them into that. I gotta learn an instrument. I gotta learn a second language. I gotta. This, that and the other. Turns out they're not into an instrument, right? And it turns out I don't care. Like, I do want. They.

[Doug]

Well, it's not gonna matter if it's not their determinism anyway. It'd be a waste of money.

[Adam Carolla]

And I agree. Yeah, but if I was a better person and, or Asian, I would force them to learn how to. How to play and they would get.

[Brian Bishop]

Good at it really fast if they were Asian.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I'm not. And we're not. So I just feel like, well, she's not into this, but he's into that, but she's into something else. I don't really care. But do you really.

[Doug]

We just sort of. I just. As a parent, I just work with their. I consult their willingness and their interests because, you know, they come fully loaded, you know what I mean? And they have. They'll show you what they're interested in. It comes out. And so I just kind of go, would you like to try that? Do you want to do one lesson and see if it interests you?

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, but here's what you're saying. That's right on. So our, our 8 year old is gifted athletically. Like, he's, he's like his mom because she was a ballerina and she. And he's got that incredible sense of body position, but hates group sports. So he won't do anything. Right. And it was making me crazy because he's one of those kids that if you were to do anything at two and a half.

[Adam Carolla]

Half.

[Doug]

You could throw a ball and he'd hit it. He didn't need a tee.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

He teaches himself flips and back flips in the pool. Like. But then he won't do group sports. So it was making me crazy. And I didn't want to be the dad that pushed and pushed him. I took him to baseball camp, wasn't interested, didn't want to do it. But then he. But then his younger brother decides to do something like baseball.

[Doug]

And he's competitive.

[Brian Bishop]

And he got competitive with his younger brother. Now he's obsessed. And the little dingleberry is getting amazing because he's amazing, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Because he's gifted.

[Brian Bishop]

But I went through that period of like, what do you mean? You're not competent? Baseball. I play baseball. I love baseball. You're gonna love baseball, too. But I didn't. But that's what I'm thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

But. So I got frustrated. But I had to realize, like, no, he's gonna find his own way into things.

[Adam Carolla]

I realize I don't. I'm not a positive role model, but I like, stop there. No. I have poisoned my boy on soccer.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is nice. The list never ends. One of my great. Interested in the car accomplishments is poisoning them. Poisoning my boy on soccer. No. I take my son to the other warehouse that's filled with Paul Newman race cars and old Lamborghinis to. For daddy to wrench on on the weekend. And he wants nothing to do with it.

[Brian Bishop]

But I think there'll be a turn on that. There's something's going to turn where they're going to get interested in that.

[Adam Carolla]

After I die, there'll be argument over who owns them. I do agree that there will be a turn that's clarified. Pride of ownership after I. After I pass on. Roundup man. Max control 365. Oh, man. I'm doing my backyard right now. I'm gonna have that thing ready for the summer.

[Giovanni]

Man.

[Adam Carolla]

Got a pool going back there. I don't want the weeds. I'm gonna use a little roundup. Max control 365 patios for cooking out, kicking back, hanging out, or maybe just playing a little pepper with your son. Remember? Playing pepper. Playing pepper. Oh, such a. You want to Talk about life's simplest pleasure. A little pepper with the boy in the backyard. You don't want to trip on weeds. No. You go round up max control365. You find it wherever they sell this stuff. Supermarket, hardware store, whatever. Get a little extra hammock time, by the way. Safe for the dog, safe for the pets, safe for the cats, safe for the kids. Roundup. Max control 365. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

What's Pepper?

[Adam Carolla]

Pepper?

[Doug]

I thought it was pickle.

[Brian Bishop]

There's pickle too, but that's a pickle and pepper is a baseball game. Boy. Adam, I have a question for you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's important.

[Doug]

She didn't get her question.

[Brian Bishop]

You just said we don't this roundup. Okay, here's my question. Explain what it is, because I have. I have a bamboo issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This bamboo will not come out. Is that. Will this handle my bamboo issue?

[Adam Carolla]

It couldn't hurt. I'd give it a try because I'm having some serious.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, we grew bamboo a while back, and now this stuff has taken over the property.

[Adam Carolla]

Bamboo.

[Doug]

Don't ever get involved in bamboo yard.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Well, let me tell you, it's a deal with the devil.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you go, well, we want privacy.

[Doug]

It'll give you privacy.

[Adam Carolla]

We want a nice big light. We want a wall that light can't penetrate, and we need it to get to about 20, 25ft. But we would like to do it by not this weekend, but next weekend. And we want to buy in 1 gallon pots. And bamboo is the only thing that will. You can do. Oh, talk Texas privet all you want, but you can't do other plants where you're trying to get that hedge going. That'll do it. Like, the swimming pool's in. It'sit's February, and by July, we wanna go with our lesbian mom and her huge floppy boobs. And we wanna go topless. And we don't want the neighbors. Those guys are Mormons. We don't want them peering over the fence and someone goes, we'll plant bamboo. Because that'll be 20 foot tall in four months. But then it'll just.

[Brian Bishop]

Ten years later, man, three weeks takes over your life. Cement.

[Doug]

It's breaking through everything up like 10ft away in other planters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Doug]

It's underneath the cement thing. Like, I feel like I'm in the twilight zone or some horrible movie of some sort. It's like a horror show. It's a horror movie.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a crazy, durable. Insane. What's insane to me is if you go to and I don't go to. But if you see pictures or whatever, like, you know, when they're building in China and maybe even Japan, they use it for scaffolding because they have pandas.

[Brian Bishop]

They.

[Adam Carolla]

There. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

The pandas get.

[Alison Rosen]

They handle the problem.

[Brian Bishop]

We need. I need to go to panda Panda.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Doug]

We can foster a panda from the.

[Brian Bishop]

Z. I need to adopt some baby pandas. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jenny, you got enough juice to foster panda?

[Doug]

Yeah, as long as it Is it gonna give my kid that std, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, chlamydia.

[Doug]

Yeah, that's koala bears.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you're fine.

[Doug]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

We're okay with the panda.

[Adam Carolla]

We love pandas because they shoot sit like us when we were five. They sit on their rumps and they put their feet out.

[Brian Bishop]

And any animal that has that slightly opposable thumb thing always makes it a little bit slightly disconcerting in a great way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but pandas are weird because it shows how shallow we are because all they do is sit and eat. And it's not like, oh, yeah, my cousin was saved by a panda, or I was being attacked by a mountain lion and the panda showed up.

[Doug]

No, it's the. It's the. Ah, bamboo. Bring in the panda.

[Adam Carolla]

Bring in the panda. But pandas don't do anything really, other than sit and eat bamboo.

[Doug]

They're underutilized.

[Adam Carolla]

We love them because they're cute. So cute.

[Doug]

Can they be cute while handling the bamboo?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. They do best. We should. We should work. We should work on it.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's adam Cole Show, 1821 with the Elfmans.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina, Bryan, Atom. That does it for today's Coral Classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for another installment. Until then, mahalo and get it on.

[Giovanni]

Are you looking for your next case?

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV has all your favorite crime.

[Giovanni]

Dramas streaming for free.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna need some backup.

[Giovanni]

Which means suspense is free.

[Adam Carolla]

Very cool.

[Giovanni]

Watch CSI New York, Criminal Minds, Blue.

[Adam Carolla]

Bloods Tracker, FBI and swat. All for free.

[Giovanni]

You can't outrun this. Someone is gonna pay for all this crime. But it's not gonna be you.

[Adam Carolla]

Take care of business, fellas. Watch all the cases.

[Giovanni]

All for free from all your favorite devices. We got you. Feel the free Pluto TV stream. Now pay never.