David Alan Grier + Kevin Nealon (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show — Carolla Classics
Episode: David Alan Grier + Kevin Nealon
Date: August 31, 2025

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Overview

This "Carolla Classics" episode is a fan-curated selection of highlights from two 2015 episodes of The Adam Carolla Show featuring guests David Alan Grier and Kevin Nealon. Hosted by Adam Carolla, with Gina Grad and Brian “Bald Brian” Bishop, the show dives into high-energy, free-form banter about family life, parenting myths, pop culture, bizarre swap meets, and pop-culture news, along with robust comedic takes on parenting, movie reviews, and unique interviews with their guests.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. David Alan Grier Segment — Comedic Improvisation, Parenting, and Swap Meet Tales

[00:47—46:00]

• Comedic Characters & Family Bits:

  • Grier improvises as “Peanut,” riffing with wild stories about having seven kids by four different fathers, how he keeps them “safe” locked in the van, and his side hustle refurbishing used flip-flops.
    • “I put a little padlock on the two doors so...they can’t get out. Well, they keep jimmying the lock, you know.” — David Alan Grier ([05:00])
    • “I bedazzle them with my glue gun. First I wash them down real good with a little bit of vinegar—sometimes they got a little doo doo or something, you know.” ([06:02])
  • The banter highlights Grier’s signature mix of absurdity and social satire, with Adam playing the bemused foil.

• Swap Meets & Pomona Stories:

  • The group shares stories of LA swap meets—the odd items for sale, wild characters, and the futility of trying to make money hawking used car parts after a long day’s work.
    • “Here’s a nine-year-old kid, he’s selling a dagger with a swastika on it. His dad is standing two feet away…” — Adam Carolla ([07:02])
  • Grier recounts Detroit’s lack of swap meets, comparing them to the “Renaissance fair,” and sharing nostalgia for Pomona’s “garbage bag full of tube socks for like six bucks.” ([09:39])

• Parenting, Easter, and Childhood Magic:

  • Adam and David exchange stories about perpetuating childhood myths (Easter Bunny, Santa) for their daughters and debating when kids outgrow the magic.
    • “It’s weird because, like, one side of their mouth, they're like, I think the Easter Bunny’s real. The next is like, I think Britney Spears has fake tits.” — Adam Carolla ([26:04])
    • Grier laments the role “school kids” play in exposing magical stories, with both agreeing on the bittersweet moment when children’s belief fades.

• Movie Review Banter: Fast & Furious 7:

  • Brian and Adam dissect Furious 7, mock its disregard for physics, note its superhero-style logic, and acknowledge the franchise has “ramped it up but blew it out.”
    • “I would describe this as a movie about a group of superheroes who literally cannot be killed. It takes place in a universe that looks like Earth, but adheres to none of our physical laws.” — Brian Bishop ([30:01])
    • “It's practically nobody can ever die in it.” — Adam Carolla ([35:56])

2. Audience Calls & Rapid-Fire Anecdotes

[45:18—75:00]

• Yale Pizza & Hamburger Lore:

  • Callers prompt Grier into New Haven food lore; he pans deep-dish and praises “Louie’s Lunch” for hamburgers ([45:40]).

• Loveline Band Drama Recap:

  • Adam recalls infamous dust-ups with arrogant band guests (notably Sneaker Pimps) on Loveline, skewers their pseudoscientific posturing, and fondly mocks the ‘90s era of fleeting musical fame.
    • “There was a time in the ‘90s and early 2000s when everyone in a band was a fucking genius. And everyone thought, like, you would read these…magazine articles and they would explain to you how AIDS is actually caused or why HIV doesn’t turn into AIDS or whatever. And these asshole bands…” — Adam Carolla ([47:59])

• Personal Embarrassment Tales:

  • Adam shares the saga of publicly outing a friend’s “beanbag chair” confessional on Loveline, reflecting on comedy’s collateral damage ([57:05]).

• Vacation, Parenting, and Midlife:

  • Discussion pivots to ideal family vacations, Adam’s practical approach (activities > relaxation), and Lynette’s dream to see Springsteen in New Jersey ([62:19]).

3. News Stories and Pop Culture Review (with Kevin Nealon)

[110:56—222:00]

• Kevin Nealon Joins:

  • Warm reflections on SNL reunion and the A-list, from Sarah Palin to Keith Richards and Peyton Manning.
    • “I was sitting in the audience for the first time. I never sat in the audience and watched the show there. And everywhere you looked…Paul McCartney with his guitar ready to go on, with Paul Simon behind him, and, you know, Eddie Murphy over there. And it was really quite an event.” — Kevin Nealon ([157:15])
  • Nealon humorously recalls his nervous “Save Billy the Elephant” speech at LA City Council.
    • “I'm Kevin Nealon, and I am not anti-zoo, but I am anti-inadequate zoo. And I just want what’s best for Billy the Elephant…” ([166:41])

• Tip Culture and Service Industry Satire:

  • Group commiserates on tipping etiquette—from hotel bellmen and mani-pedis to restaurant maitre d’s and ride-shares, lamenting both guilt-tripping and logistical confusion.
    • “It's the greatest thing ever. You charge 30 bucks for a club sandwich and then you announce, yeah, but we don’t pay. But we do charge for him to bring it to the room—service charge.” — Adam Carolla ([212:12])

• Current News & Social Commentary:

  • Topics include:
    • Caitlyn Jenner's Vanity Fair debut, gender transitions, and societal response ([179:35] onward)
    • Tipping, labor, and consumer guilt
    • The medical benefits of male orgasms ([202:24])
    • Tracy Morgan’s comeback after his accident and reflections on resilience ([190:19])
    • Comedy as catharsis for trauma and life events

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• David Alan Grier’s Parenting Satire:
  “What I did is I took my cassette recorder and I recorded the little voicemails from the daddies and I cut them up. So when I get stressed, I make like it’s the daddy calling: ‘Don’t make me call your daddy. Put that down. He’s not listening. I will slap the hell out of you.’ Stuff like that.” ([04:07])

• On Furious 7's Physics:
  “I would describe this as a movie about a group of superheroes who literally cannot be killed. It takes place in a universe that looks like Earth but adheres to none of our physical laws.” — Brian Bishop ([30:01])

• One-Hit Wonder Bands:
  “It was like a year and a half where it’s like, I have one song and I’m on top of the world, right? And no one can tell me any different…now we know if you have one hit, that doesn’t mean you’re set for the next decade.” — Adam Carolla ([52:31])

• On Caitlyn Jenner and Gender Identity:
  “I'd like to take this Vanity Fair down to Guantanamo Bay, and I just like to go, hey, Foul. We're cool with this. Greatest athlete in the world. And now we got this. Go ahead, and then at the end, go. Oh, let me show you a picture from before.” — Adam Carolla ([180:31])

• Kevin Nealon, Elephant Advocacy:
  “I am not anti-zoo, but I am anti-inadequate zoo. And I just want what’s best for Billy the Elephant and not what’s best for the LA Zoo.” ([166:41])

  • Adam and crew playfully roast Nealon for his nervous, rambling speech at the city council.

• Nealon on Personal Lows and Comedy:
  “This was really the first blow to me in my life where I got kind of hit. I took a hit on the side…If anyone’s gone through a divorce, the initial part is, that’s the window. When it’s all coming down, you’re thinking, what happened?” ([171:08])

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Important Timestamps

• David Alan Grier improv parenting (“Peanut”): [02:16—06:29]
• Swap meet stories & Pomona: [07:02—11:42]
• Easter Bunny belief, parenting debate: [21:47—26:28]
• Fast & Furious 7 review/roast: [30:01—40:00]
• Loveline band drama – Sneaker Pimps: [47:59—54:23]
• Tip culture & service industry: [205:38—213:46]
• Kevin Nealon on SNL reunion: [157:15—161:26]
• Nealon’s “Billy the Elephant” speech and playful roasting: [163:43—166:41]
• News: Caitlyn Jenner, Tracy Morgan, Pizza Hut, cancer benefits from orgasms: [179:35—203:28]
• Comedy and catharsis after trauma discussion: [194:00—195:28]

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Final Thoughts

This episode spotlights the Carolla show's signature tone: unfiltered, quick-witted, at times irreverent, yet always insightful. David Alan Grier and Kevin Nealon bring a combination of sharp storytelling, deep comedic improvisation, and real human insight, all set inside Adam Carolla's world of rants and wide-ranging social commentary. The episode is a must for fans of classic comedy banter, ‘behind the scenes’ guest stories, and candid takes on contemporary life.

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Notable for newcomers: The show weaves together raw comedic improvisation, listener interaction, raw personal stories, and pointed news commentary—making “Carolla Classics” both rich in laughs and unexpectedly reflective.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and.

[Adam Carolla]

Fan selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics. You can find it on Podcast One Premium. You can find every episode ad free. And if you'd like to find the.

[Brian Bishop]

Ad free archives of the Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Show or the Adam and Dr. Drew show, or get exclusive access to the.

[Brian Bishop]

Brand new podcast Beat it Out, check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcorla.substack.com and if.

[Adam Carolla]

You'D like to request a clip, please.

[Brian Bishop]

Email us [e-mail] all right, let's get to the clips. Come up first, we have adam Corolla Show, 1546.

[Adam Carolla]

David Allen Greer, Gina Gratt, Brian Fish up for 2015. Gina Grad. Good day.

[Gina Grad]

Good day to you.

[Adam Carolla]

And bald Brian.

[David Alan Greer]

This guy can talk.

[Brian Bishop]

Brett, UGA wanted that for today's top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

David Alan Greer, my main man, Dagaroni. Got some Mangria. It was a dream.

[David Alan Greer]

Did it hurt? New fake. When you fell from heaven.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

God bless you.

[Gina Grad]

God bless you. You're a real charmer.

[David Alan Greer]

No Euro, Jeremy.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Dagaroni sweatpants. That's my prom dress. Fuck yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

Happy Easter, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Got some live shows coming up. I do Crackers Comedy club in Indianapolis.

[David Alan Greer]

I plan big venues. Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

That's coming up April 9th through the 11th.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, I mix them in with theaters.

[Adam Carolla]

And Kansas City improv in Missouri, 16th through the 19th. And also. Oh, we got some new ones. Stress factory. I'll tell you what you guys should do. You should go to his website, DavidAllengrier.com. repeat it, bro. And put some nuts in it. Come on, guys, David is gone. I got DavidAlongreer.com. go to DavidAlngreer.com, find out where and when he's going to be coming to a town near you.

[David Alan Greer]

Ms. Gina, do you have kids?

[Gina Grad]

No, I don't have kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Peanut.

[David Alan Greer]

No jewels.

[Adam Carolla]

Peanut, how many kids do you have?

[David Alan Greer]

Just seven little jewels.

[Adam Carolla]

Seven months right now. Oh, they're in your car now?

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, absolutely. I take her in everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a hot day.

[David Alan Greer]

We're dipping these eggs. You know, three beautiful black men and one Hispanic too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so the wonderful. They're all not from the same.

[David Alan Greer]

No, I like to, you know, I have so much capacity for love, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

You have what Capacity? Yes. Recipacity.

[David Alan Greer]

Something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so you like love?

[David Alan Greer]

Happily. Sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh?

[David Alan Greer]

Happy Easter. You know who else was. You know what? This is also Marveltain's birthday. Who's Marvin Luther Day?

[Adam Carolla]

Mark Martin, Marvin Luther Tane. Marvin Luther gay.

[David Alan Greer]

Marvin Luther King, the greatest singer. Do not despair.

[Adam Carolla]

Civil rights last activist, activist ever.

[David Alan Greer]

So hold on. New fake Teresa. What did but Reese Bunny give you?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I'm Jewish. I didn't really get anything.

[David Alan Greer]

So what did the Easter Bunny give you?

[Gina Grad]

A big chocolate bar.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, so what did you get your kid now? Who? Your kids. I'm sorry, I can't remember their names.

[David Alan Greer]

You're really gonna do this to me?

[Adam Carolla]

They're out in the van right now. Right. Well, there's a large range of ages. Right.

[David Alan Greer]

I got twins and triplets, that's five. And we got two other ones. Random.

[Adam Carolla]

Random.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, they just think they. They the crack fallers.

[Adam Carolla]

But you said it was like from three and a half guys or four guys?

[David Alan Greer]

Four gu. Beautiful men blessed me with their love and left me with a gift, you know, Are they.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they in the children's lives now?

[David Alan Greer]

Well, pictures, you know, pictures of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Are, but they're not really.

[David Alan Greer]

They're not pictures. A couple of voicemails.

[Adam Carolla]

Voicemails, Right. Okay.

[David Alan Greer]

Very involved.

[Adam Carolla]

But not day to day.

[David Alan Greer]

No, but very involved.

[Adam Carolla]

Very involved.

[David Alan Greer]

What I did is I took my cassette recorder and I recorded the little voicemails from the daddies and I like cut them up. So when I get stressed, I make like it's the daddy calling. Don't make me call your daddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Put that down. Right, right. Oh, I see, I see. Right, yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

He's not listening. I will slap the hell out of you. You know, stuff like that. It works like a charm. But they old enough so they asking questions.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're in the fan. They're in the fan now.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, yeah. Playing tiddlywink. Slap boxing kind of things. Darts, you know, I left them with some matches, firecrackers, all kind of good things. And some rope and a little bit of barbed wire.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe invite them in to have some water or something.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, there's so much love in that car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay, so we'll just leave him in the van.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, yeah, I like them. But what I did, you know, because I'm a caring mom, I put a little padlock on the two doors so.

[Adam Carolla]

They can't get out.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, they keep Jimmy in a lock, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[David Alan Greer]

I did crack the windows off.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So they're okay.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, they fine. I got an oven thermometer on the one window. When it goes over Three digits. Look out, the horn starts beeping because I hooked it to the burglar alarm.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's got, like, the thermometer. You're sticking to the turkey.

[David Alan Greer]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm MacGyver. I'm the MacGyver Devil. That ghetto mom. Happy, happy Easter.

[Adam Carolla]

Happy Easter. Peanut.

[David Alan Greer]

New fake Teresa. Where you get your flip flops from?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I just got them. You know, South Bay, all the surf.

[David Alan Greer]

How much you pay for?

[Gina Grad]

Probably about 30 bucks.

[David Alan Greer]

$30?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, they're very expensive peanuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Got a business.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I didn't know.

[David Alan Greer]

I got pre owned flip flops. Very cheap.

[Adam Carolla]

Funky flops.

[David Alan Greer]

Funky flops in the car. I do. I keep them in the trunk, though.

[Gina Grad]

I'd like to step outside with you.

[David Alan Greer]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, sure, sure.

[David Alan Greer]

I don't know if I got both feet, you know, but I. I give you three left feet.

[Gina Grad]

Perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Peanut, what's the. Now, how's it work? You get the used flip flops, pre owned. Pre owned.

[David Alan Greer]

They vintage.

[Adam Carolla]

Vintage. And then you bedazzle them.

[David Alan Greer]

I bedazzle them with my glue gun. First I wash them down real good with a little bit of vinegar and I scrape. Sometimes they got a little doo doo.

[Adam Carolla]

Or something on them, you know, so scrape that.

[David Alan Greer]

Scrape that off. I might paint something, you know, positive things like, what you looking at? You know? Cause you gotta look down.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Oh, right, right. What you're looking at? Right.

[David Alan Greer]

You know, cute things. And we do special orders, but that'll take six months.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. And then you get the pre owned flip flops, vintage flip flops. And you bedazzle them and then you sell them.

[David Alan Greer]

It's like hotcakes. Adam, I cannot keep up. I had to swap me damn near every day. Not for flip flops, but just, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, on the regular. Right, right. But sometimes you're there selling. Yeah, I do.

[David Alan Greer]

I sell out the trunk, you know, like we always did in the old days. Cash only, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Has anyone been to the.

[David Alan Greer]

Tommy, hi.

[Brian Bishop]

Boy, is anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone been like the Pomona. Never been to a swap meet. This character, literally, like, here's a nine year old kid, he's selling a dagger with a swastika on it. His dad is standing two feet away. Yeah. And it's like I'm selling these daggers with swastikas on them. Like, really? What year is it?

[David Alan Greer]

It's like brand made in the car. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The scariest part about the Pomona swap meet is the kids and the parents who bring the kids and then what they're selling, what good deals to be Had. Well, there are guys out there. When you go to the Pomona swap meet, like for the car swap meet, there'll be guys out there and they're like, well, I'm from Simi Valley. And it's like, all right, what'd you bring? Well, you know, we had to leave about 4 this morning to set up. What do we got? Well, we got a big block. We got a mopar big block. I mean, there's no guts in it. No crank, no pistons, no rods. But it's still the big block. It weighs 800 pounds. It's covered with rods. He's trying to get $72 for it. The whole thing is spread out on a beach blanket. And then at some point at like 4 in the afternoon, like, we're packing it up and we're going back to Simi Valley. Now, how much did you sell in the course of this 17 hour day?

[Brian Bishop]

Because there is some overhead, right. You have to buy the space or you have to pay.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. You rent the house?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

20 bucks or what?

[Adam Carolla]

Forget about the overhead. What about what's in your head? Like, I left simi Valley at 4am this morning. I drove a VW Microbus out here. It had a bunch of engine blocks and heads on it. I spread it out all over this blanket. I sat here for 14 hours. I made $81 and I drove back to Simi Valley on a Sunday.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, but that guy's usually on disability. Some other things. So this is just extra money.

[Adam Carolla]

It is just insanity.

[Gina Grad]

What did you go to Pomona swap meet for? Yeah, what was your intention?

[Adam Carolla]

I went there to shoot a bit. If you want to talk about target rich environment, literally just get a camera and a guy with a boom mic and just walk around from crazy person to crazy. They're all insane. And you just talk to them.

[David Alan Greer]

Have you ever been to the midget rodeo? The midget Mexican rodeo and Pico Rivera? I'm not making it up.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a mitt. What do they ride? Sheep?

[David Alan Greer]

They ride little animals and stuff.

[Gina Grad]

Alpaca.

[David Alan Greer]

It is the best. Thank you, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[David Alan Greer]

Wait, I want to ask you something. What are the rules to the swap meet? Because when I first came moved to la, they don't have swap meets. I grew up in Michigan and Detroit. They didn't have swap meets. New York does not have swap meets. They have vintage fare.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Alan Greer]

They have Renaissance fair fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Alan Greer]

They have antique fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Alan Greer]

So I figured a swap meet was antiques, but that's not what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

No. They have some old, some new. Some guys are reproducing you know, just popping stuff off, that is. Everything's open for negotiation, and everyone is scary.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, when I came. When I first came in the 90s, tube socks were big. And you get a whole big, like, garbage bag full of cool tube socks for like, $6.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Everybody should go to the Pomona swap meet, like, once in their life just to see how the other half lives.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't there one at the Rose Ball? Does the rose.

[Gina Grad]

That's a fancy one.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a high end one.

[David Alan Greer]

That's vintage. I used to go there all the time. Did you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Super fun there.

[Adam Carolla]

How did you put it in?

[David Alan Greer]

Did you put all your sweatpants and your flip flops?

[Gina Grad]

No, actually, most of my firearms.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay, cool.

[Adam Carolla]

The Rose bowl swap meet is where I had one of the most devastating moments of my life. Okay. You walk around, there's a lot of high end furniture and stuff like that. I had a house from 1929, an old school pool in it that I put back together to be. And look old school. And I came across a guy who had a 1920s diving board. Like, this thing was like mahogany that had been laminated together.

[David Alan Greer]

Wood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, wasn't it was 1920s diving board. Sorry. Sorry about that.

[David Alan Greer]

Jeez. Go ahead, man. So it's Easter.

[Adam Carolla]

I said to the guy, Dak just.

[Brian Bishop]

Admonished me, but again, you beat cancer.

[David Alan Greer]

Don't beat the man up on his story.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? Geez, this thing is amazing. You don't run across too many diving boards from the 20s because they all either got pulled out, trash repurposed, or destroyed. And I said, what? Wow, look at this thing. And then I started picturing it in front of my old 1920s pool. And what a cool thing to have the vintage board in front of the vintage pool, which had no diving board. But I was gonna do one up, and I. It was too big to fit my car. So I said, where are you? And the guy said, I'm in Van Nuys. And I said, all right, well, give me your information. And then what I'll do is, today's Sunday. I'll call you Monday, tomorrow morning, and I'll get my guy in the truck and we'll come pick it up and we'll do it on. We'll do it on Monday.

[David Alan Greer]

Hold on. Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah? I need more Madriga. We need more Mangria for that.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm driving.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Dang. Dang. Needs a little more Mangria. All right.

[David Alan Greer]

So, by the way, quick, I don't mean to cut you off, but White Mangria, Mountain Dew. Mangrido.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. Can do.

[David Alan Greer]

Mangridu.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we just go. Can do. Okay, so back to Adam. I am next. Morning.

[Brian Bishop]

Better get to the punchline.

[Adam Carolla]

Dag, I'm. Please, I'm trying to tell a story here. All right. The next morning.

[David Alan Greer]

I love your sweatshirt.

[Adam Carolla]

The next morning, I tell my assistant, call this guy. He's in Van Nuys. He's got my diving board. Calls the guy comes back. Guy doesn't know what you're talking about. I said, do we get the number wrong or something? I don't know. Called the guy, said it was like an antique dealer. Whatever I said, did you tell him, like old school mahogany diving boards?

[Brian Bishop]

How many of those must he run through?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[David Alan Greer]

Dump where he found it.

[Adam Carolla]

Zero on the planet, by the way. I looked on the Internet. I looked on ebay. Nothing exists. Nothing is for sale. You have changed. I only did some of my man a tip. You want to give him a tip?

[David Alan Greer]

I want to give him a tip.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just give him a tip. He was here before.

[David Alan Greer]

All I got is 20s and 50s.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know. Give him 20 and then. Oh, you want to give him five?

[David Alan Greer]

I want to give him my five.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you give him 20 and I'll give you 50.

[David Alan Greer]

Okey dokey.

[Adam Carolla]

Back to you.

[David Alan Greer]

No more interruptions.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[David Alan Greer]

Very funny story.

[Adam Carolla]

Enjoy your mangrove. Thank you. Thank you. Have your mangrove. Okay. The assistant calls. Guy doesn't know what he's talking about. I say the assistant, do I have the right number? And he says, yeah. The guy said, this is the place. It's the name of the place. And you know old Rose Antiques and Van Nuys. I said, that's the place, all right. But the guy doesn't know what you're talking about. But this is the guy's name? Yeah, it's a guy's name. I talked to him him yesterday. No. All right, whatever. We'll look online. We looked online the next day. I said to him, call him again. I know. I don't know why. Call him again. I didn't even have the guy's address, but I was trying to get his address. But I said, call him again.

[David Alan Greer]

Now I'm angry. What the fuck did he do?

[Adam Carolla]

Called again. The assistant called again. And what did he say? Nothing. I don't have it. What the holy fuck? I don't know what you're talking about. The guy says, God damn it. What happened then? I don't know what you're talking about. I never talked about this diving board. I said, you gotta be fucking shitting me.

[Brian Bishop]

I had a conversation with him on.

[Adam Carolla]

Sunday afternoon about the diving board and about how I was gonna come pick it up and how I was gonna come Monday with the truck. What is going on? And the guys, my assistant at the time was like, I don't know, boss. I called him two times. They didn't know what he's talking about. I said, give me the phone. I got the phone, called the phone number, guy picked up the phone and I said, did you recognize his voice? No. I said, look, I just spoke to you on Sunday at the SWAT meet in Pasadena at the Rose Bowl. And he had a vintage diving board. And he's like, oh yeah, we just sold that. I said, what is what?

[David Alan Greer]

These guys are crackheads, you gotta give them. You didn't give them any money.

[Adam Carolla]

Just sold it. Just sold it yesterday. Just sold it like an hour ago. I said, I am so angry. Can I get some more Mangria? That is bullshit. How does it go with the assistant? I said to my scissor, what are we talking about here? And he was like, I 10 times, he never heard of it. He didn't know what I was talking about. Said to me, he's like, yeah, guy just bought it an hour ago. I said, fuck it, we'll find one on the Internet. We search for next week. Nothing exists. Yes, and eventually I just decided I was gonna have to build one myself. But either way.

[Brian Bishop]

Soul Crush.

[Adam Carolla]

How much?

[David Alan Greer]

Can we ask how much?

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even discuss a price. I had no idea how.

[David Alan Greer]

By the way, Corolla fans, I'm looking for a Ducati Sport 1000 ie. If anybody has a heads up, call me, please touch with me via my website. That's my next dream.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Alright, so I. I saw Fast and Furious, by the way. Well, we got talk about it.

[David Alan Greer]

No, but I mean, why would you see it though?

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean? I took my son.

[David Alan Greer]

Why would you do that? Because it's a stupid movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, easy Dag, watch it.

[Gina Grad]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Why would you do that?

[David Alan Greer]

There's a cancer documentary on. You mean you went out of the house when that thing was on?

[Adam Carolla]

I took my boy.

[David Alan Greer]

He talked about tours, man, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

I took my boy.

[David Alan Greer]

Did you see it?

[Adam Carolla]

Brian Paul. Brian saw it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's actually I saw Fast Seven. I TiVoed the cancer documentary.

[David Alan Greer]

Interesting also.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean on Vice or is that something.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, it's on this thing called hbo. You've heard of it, right guys, hbo, that service?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's a few different things going on. There's a Vice special which you might be talking about. This is 60 Minute Special. And there is a PBS documentary that. Ken Burns is PBS.

[David Alan Greer]

It's the Emperor of all maladies. And you know, that has been my little nickname for this one over here, Adam, the Emperor of all Maladies.

[Adam Carolla]

So I saw the movie also. I just got back from Jimmy's. It's sad, very sad. But every Easter I spend with Jimmy's entire family. Extended aunts, uncles, parents, friends over at his cousin's house. It's nice, but I always think about the irony of, as I drive to her house, cousin Ann's house, I pass my parents houses as I go to celebrate Easter with Jimmy and his family.

[Brian Bishop]

Didn't your grandma used to go to another family's house during your holidays or something like that?

[Adam Carolla]

That was Christmas. Yes.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, why don't you. Am I nuts here? Why don't you just stop by and say, hey, grandma, love you, you know, glad to have you in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? No. Is that. Well, she's dead. That's number one.

[Gina Grad]

You don't scoop up the parents on the way to Jimmy's.

[Adam Carolla]

Ouch. They've never met Jimmy's parents. Wow. I don't think so.

[David Alan Greer]

The other fake Teresa knows that. So you gotta, you know, get on the ground running, honey.

[Adam Carolla]

You're very right.

[David Alan Greer]

Don't ask about Pops either.

[Adam Carolla]

But mom, Jimmy. Jimmy's mom, Joan, is the greatest person in the world. And she bakes me a meat pie every single year. And then we have a whole discussion about where it is. It's hidden away. It's tucked away. You know, I don't think she'd say no.

[David Alan Greer]

Can I tell something? When I played, I used to play Tempe, Arizona, and every time I played there, Jimmy's entire family would come and see me. It was awesome, you know, very, very beautiful. Wonderful cousins, nice. Very nice people.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice.

[David Alan Greer]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice. It's weird to have a partner whose parents are polar.

[David Alan Greer]

Whoa, now, I wouldn't say partner.

[Adam Carolla]

An ex partner podcast podcard. It's not really a partner. Ex partner. Exactly. That's an ex wife you paid off. Right.

[David Alan Greer]

New fake Teresa.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Whose family's as different from your families.

[Brian Bishop]

Could possibly be way more invested in you.

[Adam Carolla]

Although they're not way more intimate. No, they're not. They're not.

[David Alan Greer]

Back to the grandma. I know you. You say these jokes, but can't you come outside of your big time racing self and say, hey, Grandma, it's me, Adam. Love you. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she's dead.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, boy. I must not.

[Adam Carolla]

Mom's alive.

[David Alan Greer]

Bingo time. That's not grandma, though.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a delight. She crafted my mom dollar Shave club baby razors. Expensive. Oh, man. You don't need handles. With the lights and laser pointers and vibrating handles. You don't need that. Switch to dollarshaveclub.com Amazing razors. Grooming supplies. They have everything you need. Two minutes. Sign up. Never have to worry about razors again. It goes right to your house, comes to your door. Sign yourself up. Sign up one of the Kimmels. Maybe Jim or Joan. That's the parents. Good people. They'll give you a meat pie. Dollar Shave club. She's not with us. Sends replacement blades every month or every other month. Any way you want to do it. Upgrade to smarter way to shave Dollar Shave. Dollarsclub.com Adam it's dollarshaveclub.com Adam. Dollarshaveclub.com Adam Smart. Let's be smart. Yeah, write that down. Grandma's dead. Grandma from Philadelphia died. Probably. I don't know, 80, 81, 82.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm gonna say 82.

[Adam Carolla]

Both biological grandpas. Never met. I don't know those two.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay, I'm gonna put that down. Are they. Have they croaked it out or are they still.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they. Assuming they croaked it out a long time ago. Grandpa's did too. On a sweet note last night when I walked into Natalia's room, she's writing a letter to the Easter bunny.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanking grandma.

[Brian Bishop]

Kind of last minute.

[Adam Carolla]

She's dead.

[David Alan Greer]

My bad.

[Adam Carolla]

She's dead now. This is Natalia. She's writing a letter to the Easter Bunny.

[David Alan Greer]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Then the letter was answered this morning when she burst through our bedroom door at about 6:08 screaming.

[David Alan Greer]

That's total belief.

[Adam Carolla]

Total belief.

[David Alan Greer]

My daughter, you know, I'm kind.

[Adam Carolla]

Lulu. Yes.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm working. She's seven.

[Adam Carolla]

Seven.

[David Alan Greer]

You know, we hung out the whole weekend. So I had the hotel bring her an Easter basket that they deposited. She was asleep. I put it in there and she goes, you know, I believe, but I think her mom. It just kind of undermines the fantasy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you guys. You guys tell me.

[David Alan Greer]

You gotta all be in on that. You can't be right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so last night, Natalia's writing a letter to the Easter bunny and a picture, thanking the Easter bunny in advance for the basket.

[Gina Grad]

Proactive.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Then last night, about 11 o', clock, my wife is putting together the baskets and writing the reply. That the Easter Bunny left for Natalia after receiving her letter. Then I said, well, that's sweet. Isn't that nice? And she said. Lynette said, I don't think she believes it. And I said, what do you mean? She just wrote a letter? And she said, yeah, but I'm not so sure. And I said, I think she's into.

[David Alan Greer]

It because your wife actually spends time with her kids, so she would really know.

[Adam Carolla]

She knows about Italian. Little. What's his nose.

[David Alan Greer]

Beautiful. Natalia, wait, wait. Let me ask you this, though. Like, last Christmas, Lulu goes. She kept asking me, is dad, Daddy? Is Santa real? First of all, her mom gives her gifts. She'll go, this is from Mommy, and the other gifts are from Santa. See, to me, already you're chipping at the wall, right? This is like the. I'm now, all of a sudden, I'm the Israeli prime minister. You're making a deal with Iran. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bad deal. That's right. You gotta all buy in.

[David Alan Greer]

You gotta all buy in. You can't start splitting hairs. Cause now Lulu's like, whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

These are.

[Adam Carolla]

From you, and these are from Santa. Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

And she comes to my house. I'm like, santa's. This is it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all Santa.

[David Alan Greer]

Everything here is Santa. There's no.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm not in charge of Christmas. You know, I'm all the way. And she goes, daddy, I gotta. Wait now, I. There's something I really want. If Santa's real, he's gonna buy it. He's gonna. He's gonna. He's gonna give it to me. And I go, well, why don't you write it down? Put it under the Christmas tree, and that's the best way to reach Santa. And she goes, I'm gonna think it. Because Santa knows.

[Adam Carolla]

He knows.

[David Alan Greer]

And I'm like, I would really urge you, Lulu, to write it down, because that's what I'm gonna do. Here's my envelope. She never did. And I feel that it is her mother attacking me.

[Adam Carolla]

It is.

[David Alan Greer]

And so now the brick has fallen. I don't know how much more she's gonna believe. I just feel like there's so. You know, your daughter's eight. My daughter's seven. It's maybe one more year.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

And then she gets pregnant.

[Adam Carolla]

I drove.

[Brian Bishop]

It's cliche for a reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I drove.

[David Alan Greer]

Hold on. What did you say?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, it's a cliche for a reason.

[David Alan Greer]

Cliche because I'm black.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that not clear?

[Adam Carolla]

Dang. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that it was. That's what I heard.

[David Alan Greer]

That's all I heard. I'm not gonna go to my cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't hear. Bob.

[David Alan Greer]

I. Cancer. I'm not going to go to my kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Please don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Please don't.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm not. I'm going to keep it here. By the way, this Mangria is amazing. And the more you drink, I know for a fact the skinnier I am.

[Adam Carolla]

The better I look.

[David Alan Greer]

My breast smells like candy.

[Adam Carolla]

And my. Gets longer and wider. Yeah. Love it. I. So I drove. I left early to go to Cousin Ann's house.

[Brian Bishop]

They were still in the letters. The letter's done. The letter.

[Adam Carolla]

Letters done. Gifts are received. And I left earlier because I had to come here, and I knew Lynette was gonna take a while to get her shit together.

[Brian Bishop]

The family's still hanging out with the Kimmels.

[Adam Carolla]

I came to the Kimmels early. I left early because I was then coming here, and then they can go home together. While me and Natalia were driving over to Cousin Ann's house, she told me that the Easter Bunny had written back to her and that she wanted to know how the Easter Bunny could write because it had paws.

[Gina Grad]

Fair question.

[Adam Carolla]

And hold the pen. And I said, I think the Easter Bunny's magic. There's some magic in there. Stop, stop, stop.

[David Alan Greer]

Do you believe her? See, this is what I'm going through.

[Adam Carolla]

They're on the plate. I believe her. She wrote her letter.

[David Alan Greer]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

But do you believe?

[David Alan Greer]

Because also, Lul, her really good friend across the street, is Jewish, and they're just like, there's no Santa. We don't believe in it. And she's like, daddy, my friend doesn't believe in Santa. I was like, I do. Look at me. I'm 39. I believe in it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird because, like, one side of their mouth, they're like, I think the Easter Bunny's real. The next side of their mouth's like, I think Britney Spears has fake tits.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, also, they're in school, so they're being polluted by, you know, school kids.

[Adam Carolla]

They're being polluted.

[Gina Grad]

The saddest thing I think, will be when they're keeping up the magic in the story for you because they don't want you, as a parent, to start feeling bad.

[David Alan Greer]

This is a parents talk, honey. Sorry. Yeah, anyways, go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So don't you remember when you guys.

[Brian Bishop]

First figured out that it was all fake? Or that there was some magic that was not explainable? You Started poking holes in the whole thing. The domino's kind of fell out at.

[David Alan Greer]

Once in Santa Claus. Longer than the Easter bunny. But I do remember my last Easter when I woke up. I was the youngest of three. And, yeah, man, it was all real. I was like, oh, my gosh, there's a bunny that. You know, my brother, when my nephew is, like, three, four years old, he hired a friend to put on a whole big bunny suit. And he had all of his, like, friends were over, and they were kicking it, and they said, hey, here's the door. Gillian, get the door. And he answers the door, and there's a huge bunny. And he said, all the kids gather around. Mouths drop. He passes out the Easter baskets, hops away, and they're like, holy shit, Easter buddy. And he closes it, and my brother and his wife are like, all right, lunch is served.

[Adam Carolla]

They just went off.

[David Alan Greer]

That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Bald Brian has a little movie review.

[Brian Bishop]

You see it, too?

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you wanna talk about it?

[Adam Carolla]

I did. Yeah. I. For Bollywood, he will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck. Piece of shit Transformers to hooray for Pawnee War. All right, let me give a little love to Legal Zoom, and then we'll get our review because I saw it with Sonny yesterday. Five things you can count on when you're using LegalZoom for your business. Reliability. Over a million people trust LegalZoom to help start their business. Corporate LLC. Non profit DBAs experience easy there.

[David Alan Greer]

Dang. Oh, my gosh. Guess. Can I get a topper off a man? Be up.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, Topper. Come on.

[David Alan Greer]

I'll give you my keys. I Uber home. Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Helpful support. I want my magic, right? Do they help answer all the questions? You need legal advice, Not a law firm. A network of independent attorneys available in most states. And no surprises. Complete transparency, upfront pricing, and customer reviews. LegalZoom. Whatever you need. You're starting a business. You're maintaining a business. It's LegalZoom. LegalZoom.com Dawson, make the smart choice for your [e-mail] today. And don't forget to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout to save even more. Eaglesoom.com.

[David Alan Greer]

That young man's got some pipes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's good. Yeah, he's got it. He's a keeper. All right.

[David Alan Greer]

The bunny rabbit gave him Vocal cords.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Easter Bunny. Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

This man creates.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. What do you got?

[Brian Bishop]

Furious 7 open this weekend. Directed by James Wan, director of Saw. Saw 2, Saw 3, Saw. Underrated horror film, by the way. Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Ludacris Jordana, Jimon Honsou, Kurt Russell. And Jason Statham is Deckard Shaw.

[David Alan Greer]

Jimon Honsou.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my man.

[David Alan Greer]

We used to ride bikes together. What's up, Diamond?

[Adam Carolla]

Seriously?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, how about that?

[David Alan Greer]

We took motorcycle. Motorcycle racing.

[Adam Carolla]

Glad, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

I would describe this as a movie about a group of superheroes who literally cannot be killed. It takes place in a universe that looks like Earth but adheres to none of our physical laws. And the main villain is some sort of Terminator who never gets injured.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I mean, I agree.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a superhero movie. This is no longer a fundraising movie.

[David Alan Greer]

No, no. It's about drag racers.

[Brian Bishop]

Not so much about the.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is.

[David Alan Greer]

I've seen the first sn.

[Adam Carolla]

The part.

[David Alan Greer]

I've seen it the part where, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, two times running that the two guys, the antagonist and protagonist, square off to do a little chicken run and then just mash each other in the middle.

[David Alan Greer]

And at a certain point, I've seen that happen.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the first one, by.

[Brian Bishop]

The way, they both crawl the car.

[Adam Carolla]

No blood, no airbag deployed.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, they could have been. They could have been bleeding internally.

[Adam Carolla]

The Jag didn't have the airbag deployed.

[David Alan Greer]

But I owned a Jag and they don't deploy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Vin Diesel looked at what's Stratham's Jag and went, yeah, the chassis reinforced. Like, as if there's such a thing as, like, taking a just brand new 2015 car. That's real, by the way, on the off chance you'd get into a ramming duel with somebody. Like, how did he know this was gonna.

[David Alan Greer]

Adam, I've gotten in ramming duels. And Vin Diesel, by the way, that is his birthday. That can really happen because I did have my chassis reinforced on my jacket. I'm just saying, go, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that going to prevent you from.

[David Alan Greer]

Going through the steering column? It actually will.

[Adam Carolla]

Having the chassis reinforced. And like, they literally, like, they show them, like, double clutch and shift into fourth gear and chirp like, you're going to go. You're going 85. You're going 85. We're going head on. This. Is this how you die?

[David Alan Greer]

Not as you have a safety belt. Have you guys heard of these? Safety belt seat Belts?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

They keep you from dying.

[Brian Bishop]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so hold on. Gary wants to say something. I'm sorry. Statham's response to that, though, is the best part, is one of the best parts of the whole movie. He says something like, this isn't a game, son.

[Brian Bishop]

Or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

After he points out the reinforced chassis. So we.

[David Alan Greer]

Are you guys mocking this?

[Adam Carolla]

What we're saying is a year ago, Statham. A year prior to this, Statham would have his bone stock Jag reinforced. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, his brother was not injured so.

[Adam Carolla]

That he could ram somebody later on when he had a gun.

[Brian Bishop]

This is gonna come in handy.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay, can I say something?

[Adam Carolla]

If we're gonna. Later on, he rammed somebody in an Aston Martin, and there was no. Right. There's no problem. They didn't have.

[Brian Bishop]

There are two separate ramming incidents, separated by about an hour.

[David Alan Greer]

But if you're gonna race me in one of your fancy little race cars, you know who my car is. Jaguar. Just saying. It's not the Mangria talking station's character.

[Brian Bishop]

Kicks the whole movie into motion. Right? By vowing vengeance for his brother. Brother's in the hospital. I love that scene where he goes to the hospital and he's already laid waste of the whole place, and everyone's cowering. This is him. This is. He then fights the Rock, puts him in the hospital, and this is the Rock explaining what a badass he is to Vin.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the fact that the Rock is working alone in an office building with no sleeves on his shirt.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, he's a wrestler. That's why, guys, he's burning the late.

[Adam Carolla]

Night oil with no sleeves at his desk, though. That's right. He killed Han.

[David Alan Greer]

Almost killed my family.

[Adam Carolla]

He also tried to put me in.

[David Alan Greer]

A body bag, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is why, when I get out, I'm gonna put a hurt on him.

[David Alan Greer]

So bad, he's gonna wish his mama.

[Adam Carolla]

Had kept her legs closed.

[David Alan Greer]

Awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

But until then, my shirtless. Shirtless in the hospital, by the way, he got man titties for days, baby. I do know.

[David Alan Greer]

You don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is why now I give you the brother to brother answer.

[David Alan Greer]

You do whatever it is you gotta do.

[Adam Carolla]

When you find that some, just do me one favor. What's that? Don't miss.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a lot of. There's a lot of some, and there's.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of boy.

[Brian Bishop]

He calls him boy a lot.

[David Alan Greer]

The Rock's body. He's like, I gotta stop, start working out. Is he my biological brother?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So the plot's pretty.

[Brian Bishop]

Pretty pointless and pretty Silly. There's something about a God's eye that can see anybody anywhere. It's kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they tried to pile on two villains simultaneously.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know why gmon Honsu was there. I didn't know what he wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, because they're doing the big drag race.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, tell me if this assessment is wrong. All the movies, whether it's Alien versus Aliens versus whatever versus Jaws versus whatever, the biggest problem they have is they have to up the ante from movie to movie. And as they get bigger and bigger and bigger, at a certain point they get lost. Because when there was one Alien, you could focus on the one alien. When there's 500 aliens, you don't have the same relationship with the antagonist because there's 500 of them versus one.

[Brian Bishop]

So your best example of this is Alien and Aliens, because those are both really good movies, but Alien is still somehow better because it's that limited. They're all in trouble.

[David Alan Greer]

Never saw it.

[Adam Carolla]

With the one alien, we can focus all our ire on one bad creature versus thousands of bad creatures.

[David Alan Greer]

You said ire and you meant to say eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

I think about iron. I said focus, but I. You said eyes in ears and it came out iron. He went to stop. No, I said focus. No, I said focus. Got you.

[David Alan Greer]

Bingo.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I said focus, but I meant iron some more, man. All right, what I'm saying is this. So many of these franchises have fallen prey to bigger, better escalate, ramp it up, ramp it up. And Fast and Furious has done a pretty good job of ramping it up, but not blowing it out of shape this time. They ramped it up and they kind of blew it out.

[Brian Bishop]

It should have been Dec. The Jason Tatum character should have been the bad guy.

[Gina Grad]

And Brian, were you implying that there's some sort of a supernatural element to this particular movie?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's just practically nobody can ever die in it. All right? But what they did is they took this one, Decker. All right? They took. They took this base of. This guy's the brother. It's a pretty old fucked out premise. He's off revenge, but this guy's the brother of the guy you beat last time, by the way. They never factor it. The part where the other guy started, tried to kill you first, but either way, now out for vengeance. Then there's a whole second story with Kurt Russell. And the guy Dag rides Ducatis with Kurt Russell was equally confusing that I don't even know where they came from or why we needed them. Just have him go after the one guy, Gary. Why was he so obsessed with beer? He was obsessed with beer.

[Brian Bishop]

That was his character trait.

[Adam Carolla]

Really.

[Brian Bishop]

He kept going on about beer.

[David Alan Greer]

Can I do a quick sidebar? Oh, my God. My drunk is so perfect now. I want to remember it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. So just keep it where it is right now.

[David Alan Greer]

I may have to tinkle on this.

[Adam Carolla]

So we both can agree that going after the brother stay them. Fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

The third part. Don't know and unclear why. If they were friends or allies or why or how they factored in or what was going on.

[Brian Bishop]

My guess is that all served the plot. The God's eye thing that can see anybody anytime helps the audience track. Oh, they're here and they're trying to get here. That's a nice little.

[David Alan Greer]

Can I be serious for a minute? I think you're kind of overthinking this.

[Brian Bishop]

Any amount of thought is probably overthinking.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So I think we can say that I think the best was five. Right? And let's. Let's try to figure this out. Five and six.

[Brian Bishop]

Have not seen five. Saw six. Liked it.

[Adam Carolla]

Five and six are. Got to see five and six now. Debatable. But five and six are clearly seven now. Six at rotten tomatoes coming in at 68% and then seven at 83%. But I think that's.

[Brian Bishop]

I think this is the critics finally embracing what a Fast and Furious movie is.

[David Alan Greer]

Plus money. How much did it make the opening weekend?

[Brian Bishop]

Like $143 million. Plus the good.

[David Alan Greer]

Can you read that again? No. 432.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like the Paul Walker effect has added 15 points to the question. Right? And they handle that very nicely.

[Brian Bishop]

I was about to ask you.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[David Alan Greer]

I never liked the guy. I think he's a jerk, and I hope he never works again.

[Adam Carolla]

That's going well. He may not.

[David Alan Greer]

What are you saying?

[Adam Carolla]

He passed away.

[Brian Bishop]

He has an uphill road against.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

Seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Died in a Porsche.

[David Alan Greer]

I love Paul Walker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, he's good. He's good. He's a good actor. Or he was a good actor. He made 384 international.

[David Alan Greer]

Booyah. Boom.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened here?

[Brian Bishop]

Let's not go over a billion dollars.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's. All right, here's what I'm reviewing. Your movie. Movie. Please. The movie was a sort of chaotic mess. Fun, but a chaotic mess.

[Brian Bishop]

Delivered on what it promised.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say never. But you never really knew what was going on.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't try and follow the plot. Just enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

There was no plot. Just a bunch of shit flying out of the sky. Fine people and things. But whereas 5 and 6 had elect 5, they're gonna steal the vault and stuff like that. Like there was. There was a plan, there was a plot there. But 5 and 6, this just shit flying everywhere and sort of a mess as far as the plot and script and too much going on and overkill and everyone was indestructible and everything. And then at the very end, they did a really nice job of handling the Paul Walker thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I think so too. Were you ever distracted by. Not distracted, just noticing, oh, I wonder if that's him. Wonder if that's a bodybuilder.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was like, I thought he was gonna die in the movie. And they did a nice thing and they put him in a. They put him in a Supra and they painted all white. Wasn't all full of flames and graphics and whatnot. Toyo tire stickers and stuff like that. And he just sort of went off. And so what it was, was a chaotic mess filled with a bunch of people you like, filled with a bunch of great action sequences and with a. With a touching ending for a guy where we all knew the story. And you walked out of there going, that's really nice what they did with Paul Walker. And that's how we all felt about the movie. But the base of the movie, the components and parts, guts of the movie. Not as good as the first two are the two that came before it. Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

How would you. What genre would you put this movie?

[Brian Bishop]

Action, adventure, superhero, adventure, fantasy, fantasy, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Merchant Ivory does. That's what I would. Whatever.

[David Alan Greer]

What is your greatest superhero, adventure, fantasy fuck film? I had to put that in there because if I'm in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Seriously, you mean like in the kind of like genre.

[David Alan Greer]

What is the greatest. What is the gold standard?

[Adam Carolla]

For me it'd be like Armageddon or Point Break or something. Something like that where it's like Die Hard.

[David Alan Greer]

No. Am I not?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, that was actually good movie. Okay.

[David Alan Greer]

But I'm saying the gold standard, the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm just talking about like over the top dialogue scenes that would happen thing.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm gonna throw my card, my hold card on the table and I just gonna walk the fuck away from the table. Thunder birds are go boom. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Thunderbirds go shadoosh.

[David Alan Greer]

Wait, new fake Theresa, you meet a guy. First date. Hey girl, I love your flip flops. Them sweatpants I'm banging. I want to get to know you. Hey, let's go to a movie. What's a no go? Is this movie A no go no.

[Gina Grad]

Because the way they said it, it sounds so insane that I'd be curious. It's not a total deal breaker.

[Brian Bishop]

It's gonna be a cultural thing that people are talking about, too.

[Adam Carolla]

At a certain point, when people are on the 87th story of building in Dubai, and they go. They put it in drive, and they go, we're going to the next building, and they just sort of punch it, and they do it with a fair bit of confidence. You're sort of losing your integrity a little bit. Like, there has to be an element of. Is this not going to work out? Because if it's.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no danger of anyone ever getting hurt.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I noticed in the trailer, Tyrese looks like he was gonna cry when they parachuted him out of the airplane. I like that.

[Brian Bishop]

There was no danger of him ever getting hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[David Alan Greer]

Hey, did you guys read the.

[Adam Carolla]

How was it? They're all gonna land on the mountain road.

[Brian Bishop]

I literally said and meant this world they live in does not adhere to the laws of physics. They can do anything they want.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

They're X Men.

[Adam Carolla]

But. So what we're saying is, in the past, you'd see the guy in the squatted Civic, and he'd slide under the semi truck, and you'd go, that guy just did that? Yep. And technically, it could be done. If you're a good enough driver, you could do that. And then he'd slide out the other side, and then he'd pull up, and then he'd fire a gun that had a Gatling hook on it or something and climb up the side of the thing, and you go, okay, I couldn't do that. No one I know could do that. But somebody could do that. But when it came to jumping from building to building in Dubai, now we're at the point that can't be done.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's. That's physically impossible. That cannot happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Y. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

But that said, I. I guess I. Everyone who wants to see this movie is going to see it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Is anyone, you know. You know what it is, you know, you're paying for? And. And you get it. My.

[Brian Bishop]

I love the rock. I love Statham. They knew what movie they were in. They chewed up.

[David Alan Greer]

Their dialogue is on a roll. Jason Statham is pretty golden.

[Gina Grad]

Do you think the Die Hards will see it again multiple times? Times?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, probably.

[David Alan Greer]

I thought you were saying the Die Hards like the family that made Die Hard. Am I the only one in. Why are you laughing? Because that. That could have happened like the Easter.

[Gina Grad]

Bunny, you're absolutely right.

[David Alan Greer]

It was called Die Hard. So it makes. Guys, can I get some back up? I mean, isn't there a couple named Mr. And Mrs. Die Hard that wrote Die Hard?

[Brian Bishop]

I'll have to look that up. Okay, I'll say a thumbs up. What about you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[David Alan Greer]

And you took your. How old your son?

[Adam Carolla]

He's eight.

[Gina Grad]

And what do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

It was good. A lot of it was ass intense, which was good. He liked the whole thing. During the 13 trailers we saw beforehand, many trailers they would show like Poltergeist. And I'd look to my left where he was sitting. He had both hands just literally covering his eyes like he's a full blown puss. He doesn't care if everyone knows.

[Brian Bishop]

Was he in for Age of the New Avengers movie, though?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't remember. He was covered up for that one or not. But yes, it is what it says it is. You should all go see it. It just. I guess what frustrates me about these movies ultimately is they're 18 minutes too long and they have too much going on. And if they would just. It's sort of like a chick that's a natural beauty and she's primped too much and now she looks like a whore. And it's like, sweetie, you're beautiful. Just dial it down a little bit. No, you don't save yourself an hour in the pre. What I'm saying, dad, but what I'm.

[Brian Bishop]

Saying is like, otherwise you don't have someone like Dag.

[Adam Carolla]

Dial it down and you'll be so much more beautiful. And you have some more Mangria. But yes, yes. All right, but go see it. Hooray for Po. Ah, we got some phone calls. We got some news. Let's see. See what's in the news.

[Brian Bishop]

He wonders off Mike, what's in the news?

[Adam Carolla]

Steve, 29, Atlanta. Hey, Spaul. Gina. Holla. What's going on, man? How are you, sir? Happy Easter. Thank you, man. Hey, guys. So real quick, I didn't know Dag was gonna be on the show. Dag, you went to Yale. What do you think's the best pizza joint in New Haven?

[David Alan Greer]

International show is a pizza place in the old part of New Haven. But you know, my. I don't like deep dish pizza. I don't like a very thin fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause you're smart.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I like. I don't. And you know, and my pizza eating in college as I was broke, it didn't matter. I ate the cheapest food I Did not spend money on food. So I didn't eat good pizza. But there is a guy there. There's a spot there that claim they invented pizza pizza. And there's even.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[David Alan Greer]

Pepys.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[David Alan Greer]

That's. I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, isn't Yale like 300 years old?

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, but there's also. There used to be a hamburger.

[Adam Carolla]

Did we go. Was it Harvard or Yale? Who was.

[David Alan Greer]

Hold on. Say that again.

[Adam Carolla]

Louie's lunch. They invented the hamburger.

[David Alan Greer]

Their hamburger. Are they still there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they are. I'm from Connecticut originally. They say they invented the hamburger.

[David Alan Greer]

Dude, Louise Louie's lunch is the best fucking hamburger I ever had in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you.

[David Alan Greer]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, it's. It's like a piece of toast. Cut this fucker off. I hate you. You are a bastard. I want Mancria now, and I want it now. He offended me. What? He used the N word. I heard it. He did.

[David Alan Greer]

He's a bastard.

[Adam Carolla]

What's older, Yale or Harvard?

[Brian Bishop]

I have no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Oh, Yale. Yale. This man Greener. Yeah, I mean. I mean, like 17 somethings. Yeah, we went through there. Called me the N word.

[David Alan Greer]

He said, nincompoop.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like you. Hey, Steve, you okay? Yes. Real quick, Ace. So I'm listening to a lot of the old Loveline tapes, and there was an episode recently where the sneaker pants were on and there was a big kerfuffle with you and Liam. And Liam kind of bailed on you guys after you and Drew got into a discussion with him. And then they couldn't find him for multiple hours, I think. Could you tell the viewers or the listeners about that experience with the sneaker pimps? No.

[David Alan Greer]

He's obviously crazy. What is the.

[Brian Bishop]

What's the best grocery store in New haven?

[David Alan Greer]

A minute. 14 and a half, five. You and the sneaker fox, you got in a kerfuffle and there was a look pass between you. I have a friend who was an engineer at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you tell us what happened? There was a time in the 90s and early 2000s when everyone in a band was a fucking genius. And everyone thought, like, you would read these. They'd have these magazine articles and they would explain to you how AIDS is actually caused or why HIV doesn't turn into AIDS or whatever. And these asshole ban. There were all these shitty magazines back then. Remember that? And they'd read these zines.

[David Alan Greer]

I think they were right.

[Adam Carolla]

They would read these zines and then they would come in and they would tell Dr. Drew's business but they were like drug addicts from hounslow with a 9th grade education, and they like. I beg to differ. Yeah, I beg to differ, Dr. Drew. But I would tell you that I'll know. I know for a fact that aids. And it's like they don't know anything about it other than what they heard from Spin magazine, and they all turned out to be fucking wrong. And at a certain point, Drew would, like, say, listen, I'm a physician, and you don't know what you're talking about. And there were in bands and English bands that are either the coolest guys on the planet or the biggest douchebags on the planet. There's not, like a lot of in between in the English band.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, sneaker pimps. They got guys. Who has the latest sneaker pimp download? Nobody in the booth.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody. So one of the guys got tired of arguing with Drew, and he was drunk, and he just got up and said, yes, can I have Marme Gria? And he said, I'm walking back to the hotel, and we're in Culver City. And their hotel was like in Beverly Hills or something. And it was like 18 miles and was at, you know, it was almost midnight. And by the way, he doesn't know where he is. He's not from here, but he had the word sneakers, so maybe he's gonna. He's gonna put him to use.

[Gina Grad]

He's gonna be okay.

[Adam Carolla]

These sneakers were meant for wagon. And so he just left this horrible neighborhood we used to work in in Culver City and just started walking into the night.

[Brian Bishop]

Back then, it was a bit. You didn't want to go out at, you know, 11:30 at night.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

He did this because a doctor told him that he didn't have a medical degree.

[David Alan Greer]

A medical doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

People used to argue with Drew. And the problem with celebrities and band mates is nobody ever argues back. So when someone would argue back, they just get fucking livid and go. And they wouldn't have any. They wouldn't have an answer. An intellectual argument. So they go, I'm leaving.

[David Alan Greer]

And they'd leave short with people. To play devil's advocate, let's role play here.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. You be a caller. Next caller. Love line.

[David Alan Greer]

Dr. Drew, who is it?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm Tim.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay, you're manic. To impressive. Take two of the pills.

[Adam Carolla]

Call me. What? No.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, I know your mom. You.

[Adam Carolla]

Bye.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, it's like. Wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't even. I know, David. I know, I know, I know, I know.

[David Alan Greer]

I could. I can smell it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's What I do now. That's right, that's right.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what else happened too with the bands, I think back in the day or just the guests back in the day for Loveline, I think what happened is shows at 10pm it's on Kroc. Hey, it's a comedy show. You'll have a great time. Sam Kroll and Dr. And then they would go out drinking or they go dinner, you know, with the label reps and they'd come in frankly drunk a lot of the time and like, oh, let's do a comedy show. And there's two hours of, you know, my dad left and I'm on drugs, blah blah blah. The other scenario is pretty bummed out pretty quick.

[David Alan Greer]

I don't want to be shit faced again. I'm white knuckling it. Jesus God. I'll start my drinking and heroin at midnight. Fuck it, I'm getting loaded. Holy shit. I'm in an argument with the real doctor.

[Brian Bishop]

That could be a little bit of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask you guys this now everyone understands the lay of the land. There's the Internet. People are famous for 10 minutes and then they're not famous anymore. No one sells selling. No one's going platinum with record sales and stuff. This was a weird time in the later, mid later 90s where bands were coming out with one song, having a platinum record, getting a ton of attention. They were like a gold single, like tons of focus on them. I don't know what the Sneaker Pimps. We have to find out their hit Sex Underground. That's a great song all right.

[Brian Bishop]

But hey, great song.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was like one and so there was these. It was a little snapshot in time of like eh. It was like a year and a half where it's like I have one song and I'm on top of the world, right? And no one can tell me any different. And I'll treat everyone, I'll treat everyone like I'm gonna go on and have a U2 type career or the who or the Rolling Stones.

[David Alan Greer]

Turn it up bravely. That's my shit sneaker fence.

[Adam Carolla]

I do believe now we know if you have one kid. That doesn't mean you're set for next decade, right?

[David Alan Greer]

Also look, there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. No they nobody make no money off this, right? This was a good answer.

[Brian Bishop]

This was a good song.

[David Alan Greer]

It was sex to this song man.

[Adam Carolla]

You had sex with this song?

[David Alan Greer]

I a couple women.

[Adam Carolla]

I did. You did.

[David Alan Greer]

That was on my mix Trip hop. That was my back then Triple had hair. That's right, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So they thought in 1998 this was gonna last. I mean, I used to talk to these bands are starting. It looked like it was just going on forever. And I feel like bands are a little more coached up now to know more savvy.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, because they're.

[Adam Carolla]

They respectful and enjoy this.

[David Alan Greer]

They're diy. They're like, I. I gotta update my Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, no, yeah, back then they probably signed a contract, got, you know, some.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, listen, I talked to Lou Bega.

[David Alan Greer]

Mambo number five that he didn't write, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I talked to Lou Bega in all seriousness. And I said to him, like in 1997 when he was doing a loveline on MTV, I said to him, sort of like, okay, so now how do you parlay this? Or how do you hang on to this? Or how do you make sure that this. You know. And he, he went, what are you talking about? And I was like, well, you know, you have a big hit out right now, but maybe a year from now it's time to come out. It's like it's just getting started. Oh, yeah, it's just getting started. And I was like, but they're told. I was like, they're told that. But I was like, but, Lou, there's a lot of one hit wonders. They call not you, but not you. But what do you do to ensure the fact that there's another hit coming in? Like, hey, baby, I do acting. You know, I, I make music, I compose. Like, this is the tip of Blue bank, the springboard.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, but they tell you that, man.

[Adam Carolla]

God was so bad.

[David Alan Greer]

They tell you that when my, like my first professional job, I remember the producer goes, david, I told you this was gonna be your month. I want to revise that. It's gonna be your year. Hold on. Your decade. The David Allen Greer decade. The close. The show closed three weeks later. But that's what you're told, you know, Right. If you're stupid enough to believe it, you're like, holy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, another quick question here. Brandon 20, Phoenix. Hey, man, get it on. What's going on, man? Not a whole lot. Hey, quick, before my question, I'm just saying, I turned 21 on May 27, and I'm gonna be celebrating with a big bottle of angry sweet, just like Dagaroni.

[Brian Bishop]

The funeral the next day.

[David Alan Greer]

It's almost. Have you heard of this Power down.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on. Oh, yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

This new genie.

[Adam Carolla]

My question, did you ever find that letter that you had in Your studio that you said where you wrote your buddy about all the nasty you were going to do to your prom date. No, I found. I think we found a picture that had it hanging in the background. Something like that. Yeah. I told you this one.

[Brian Bishop]

I wrote all the nasty stuff you're gonna do your prom date.

[Gina Grad]

Keep black it out.

[Brian Bishop]

I must have.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, but you didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

My prom date died, you know, a few years later, so I felt. I felt bad. No.

[David Alan Greer]

Did she die or was she killed?

[Adam Carolla]

She died or she killed herself by exercising. But no, it's one of these things you guys remember, like, all the downtime you had in class?

[David Alan Greer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like in high school, like, you just found yourself sitting there drawing, doodling, coloring, Internet.

[David Alan Greer]

No smartphones.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a friend and I was like, drawing a picture of my friend, and then I started getting into this. Oh, here's what I'm gonna do to my prom date. Of course, I did nothing.

[David Alan Greer]

That's a confession to a crime.

[Adam Carolla]

I got like a peck on a cheek, you know what I mean? But it's a lot of, like, I'm gonna drink the sweet nectar for vagene and stuff like that. Yeah. And then it was really. I mean, it was like, comically embarrassing about what I was gonna do to her. Although I never did anything to her. And I gave it to my buddy. Don't let her refresh him.

[David Alan Greer]

See, because a man, an individual with a penis is really gonna. What?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what happened was I had two episodes with this guy later on. I put a firecracker and a lemon and rolled it into his apartment. And when it blew up, up, it got pulp all over the paint. He was an artist. All over the paintings. He had, let me just say, many.

[Brian Bishop]

Worse things he could blow up than a lemon.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Many worse things.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he took the letter and he gave it to the girl that had all the super embarrassing things. The funniest thing about this guy. Fucking Drew. The funniest thing about this guy, What I do now. Yeah. I'll tell you what you fucking did, Drew. We did this one. I haven't told in a little while, but we were doing MTV Loveline, and this guy used to, when he was 14, hump a beanbag chair. Okay.

[David Alan Greer]

Like, literally until he came.

[Adam Carolla]

I think so. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

To completion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus, Brandon. Yeah, he's on the weed, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

And he. He unzipped it a little bit, got into the stuff, by the way. Must have been weird for the family before. They sat on it, had to break it like an ice cube tray. You know, like when you twist an ice cream tray just to snap it? Just snap it once, and then you can sit in. It.

[David Alan Greer]

Just smells musty.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, will those heat packs have a twist? Activate to get it warm.

[Adam Carolla]

He did the spin bag chair. And I said on mtv, hey, my buddy. My old buddy used to do this beanbag chair. And I think I threw out his first name and Dr. Drew, because Dr. Drew's fucking idiot was like, what's his last name? What's his last name? And I was like, I don't know. I think he's a teacher now. So I don't want to. Oh, come on. Come on. And the audience is like, come on. So I spit it out.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Peer pressure.

[Adam Carolla]

So I get a call. I'm a superintendent the next day.

[David Alan Greer]

Listen to Adam's voice.

[Adam Carolla]

I get a call the next day from our mutual friend Snake, who basically said, I'm calling on this guy's behalf because he's so angry he can't speak to you because he teaches at a very small school. But it's the truth, right? Yeah. But if you found out in high school that your teacher humped a beanbag chair.

[David Alan Greer]

These days, they're doing it now.

[Adam Carolla]

He did it a long time ago. But if you found out that Mr. Backus was banging a beanbag chair. Insane. How did you guys. No. Insane. Well, my friend called and said, look, he got accosted in the hall the next day. He was walking through school, and everyone was stopping him. And he's livid. He's absolutely livid. And he said he can't even talk to you because he's so angry that you used his full name. And I, you know, I called him.

[David Alan Greer]

Then fucking shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, look, I'm not. Not that sorry. That was Drew. It's never going to. It's never going to happen again.

[Brian Bishop]

I will not tell the story about you humping.

[David Alan Greer]

How about the beanbag that he repeatedly raped?

[Adam Carolla]

It's never going to witness protection. I said, it's never going to happen again. I assure you, it's never going to happen again.

[David Alan Greer]

And what was the guy's name?

[Adam Carolla]

And then two weeks later, MTV reran that episode.

[David Alan Greer]

That's what he gets, man.

[Gina Grad]

Unbeknownst to me, people don't forget.

[Adam Carolla]

Unbeknownst to him, but not to the students who stopped him in the hall once again, to retell the story. Now, in his mind, I just told the story again. So he effectively. Yeah, he called me like he couldn't even put words together. He was so because in his mind.

[David Alan Greer]

How is he now? Like, like 40?

[Adam Carolla]

He's my age. In his mind. See what I did there, guys? He just had a super Stretched his age.

[David Alan Greer]

Made it funny.

[Adam Carolla]

We had a super long conversation about never doing this again. And all he knows is it was done again and he was out of his mind screaming he's going to sue me. Ruin his career. But he didn't sue me.

[David Alan Greer]

He's too busy.

[Adam Carolla]

A chair, you loser. You ever heard of. Try it. Sorry, sorry. New face.

[David Alan Greer]

Anyway, this is not the real me. It's a man. We're going to talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Brandon. No problem. Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

Have you talked to this guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, no, we're friends. I explained to him that there was a rerun that I did not.

[Gina Grad]

Had he not heard of a rerun in the 90s?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he hadn't seen it. I hadn't seen it. And out of context, with the students coming up to him. I thought I brought it up again. Yeah, and why would they rerun something two weeks later?

[David Alan Greer]

Something similar happened to me. But I will not discuss it on the air lest it be redisminated.

[Adam Carolla]

What happen?

[David Alan Greer]

I cannot tell you because.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you don't have to mention any names.

[David Alan Greer]

No, I'm not going to tell you.

[Brian Bishop]

We'd like to hear it.

[David Alan Greer]

I'll tell you off the air.

[Brian Bishop]

It's mics are off. Gary, turn the mics up.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Thanks, Dave, for being here.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay, shows off. Go. All right, bye.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it a name we'd recognize?

[David Alan Greer]

No, I'll tell you later, man. Let's just. It was.

[Brian Bishop]

Does it rhyme with dummy? Tavitson.

[David Alan Greer]

And it's not, you know, Traven blaylins either. Katrina, 40, from Portland.

[Adam Carolla]

Christina.

[Gina Grad]

Christina.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi. What's going on?

[Gina Grad]

I was wondering where you would take.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynette and the kids if you were able to take like a two week vacation sometime this year.

[David Alan Greer]

Continental, United States, International. What?

[Adam Carolla]

International? Yeah. Interesting. Well, back to Fast and Furious. Wherever they go is always the best. I mean, there's no one on the highway. They're just. They drive along the coast with nobody on the highway. And they go to these great villas that are over the ocean and there's never anybody. Never seen garbage trucks or people selling like pineapples.

[David Alan Greer]

Christine, are you married? Is this for you?

[Gina Grad]

No, I'm not.

[David Alan Greer]

You're not. You don't. You don't have kids?

[Adam Carolla]

I have a kid, but not a husband. Wow.

[David Alan Greer]

So is this. This is not your vacation. Single mom, kid.

[Adam Carolla]

I just want to know where Adam would go.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay, but wait a minute. Just Is it international? Continental, United States.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever he. Whatever he. All right, here's. Here's the sad. The sad part about me. I don't like just going to places to Just sort of chillax. I have to do something there. So. For instance, Laguna Seca, Pebble Beach. You have to remind yourself, you know, you live in Portland. We're in Los Angeles.

[David Alan Greer]

Portland's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Pebble beach is, you know, not halfway between us, but not too far away from halfway between us. You go to Pebble beach in 17 Mile Drive and all that kind of stuff, and you think, well, it's close. You can drive there. But you see Japanese tourists who flew in from Japan to go there. It's absolutely amazing.

[David Alan Greer]

It's so beautiful that I have to pinch myself and go, do we live in the same state?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So I said, I think I'm gonna take my son with me for the first time to do the Rolex. Historic. Yeah. Do Laguna Seca with him the first time this year. Normally, I just go alone, but I like the idea of going places with some sort of activity connected to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Something.

[David Alan Greer]

Where would Lynette. If Lynette was in charge of everything, we all know that's never gonna happen. Happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Booyah.

[David Alan Greer]

But, you know, if she were in charge, just for one day, you want.

[Adam Carolla]

To go to New Jersey to hang out with the Boss? That's. That's what she would want to do.

[David Alan Greer]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

She likes the activity associated, too. But a Springsteen concert, like a race or.

[David Alan Greer]

Or scrapbooking, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you take Olga with you? No, I. I've never.

[David Alan Greer]

Biggest fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Olga loves Dagaroni.

[David Alan Greer]

Do you think you want to? Me?

[Adam Carolla]

I think she would. I don't know if she wanted to, but she.

[David Alan Greer]

I would fuck her. If you're listening, old guy, she will listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what it sounds like? Do you fall asleep that quickly? Is it that quick?

[Gina Grad]

Sleep apnea.

[David Alan Greer]

I thought you were dead. I woke up with this naked girl in my room. I thought you stopped breathing. So much fun. Anyways.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[David Alan Greer]

I would never. You know, she's the best.

[Adam Carolla]

She's the best. Christina. Yes. All right. Sorry for that non answer.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, well, Christina, what's your deal? Come on. You just stalk Adam? Is that all you do?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, what's up? Where would you.

[Adam Carolla]

Where.

[David Alan Greer]

Where do you go on vacation?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I go back home. To New Mexico. Not really vacation.

[David Alan Greer]

Can I ask you. What do you do. What do you do for a living?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I do administrative work. You know how.

[David Alan Greer]

All right. You need. You need a vacay. Positano. Dump. How old is the kid? 20.

[Adam Carolla]

20. 2010. 10.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah. Dump him off. Is pops in the picture? Picture Understood.

[Adam Carolla]

He's in a. He's an a. Picture.

[David Alan Greer]

Understood. Ask me. Ask me. New fake Teresa. Am I a heroin addict?

[Adam Carolla]

Go.

[Gina Grad]

Are you a heroin addict?

[David Alan Greer]

That's not a good answer. Anything that stances with that's yes. All right, well, you need to find a vacation for you. Deep tissue massage, full release. Reach around the holy shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Christina.

[David Alan Greer]

God bless you, Tristina.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the Paul Newman documentary, the big premiere out here at el Capitan Theater, April 16.

[David Alan Greer]

I want to be there. Now, do you talk about the salad dressing?

[Adam Carolla]

Because that is in there.

[David Alan Greer]

You know, he invented the recipe.

[Adam Carolla]

It's in there.

[David Alan Greer]

Did you know that?

[Adam Carolla]

It's in there.

[David Alan Greer]

No word from the book.

[Adam Carolla]

All the money's going to charity.

[David Alan Greer]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

[e-mail]. dag, you're going to be there.

[David Alan Greer]

I have to perform that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Kansas City.

[David Alan Greer]

I know your office call. You never call, but, you know, hey, you can. Can we wait before we. Before we end this? What's up with the Pacquiao fight? Are you gonna go? Because I want to watch it at home because I've been to so many fights.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

I think this is going to be crazy on pay per view. Yeah, but you don't see the fight. I've been to fights where I'm like, you know, this guy won. Then I go home and I watch it on pay per view. I go, no, he did not.

[Adam Carolla]

You know. You know what? You know what I'm gonna do, Dag?

[David Alan Greer]

Well, what you doing? I'm getting an erection.

[Adam Carolla]

Go slowly, please.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, scooting back from the old bench there.

[Adam Carolla]

It's probably not gonna work. I think I'm gonna try. Okay, I'm with you because I got. I got the call from Jimmy. Jimmy said I'm gonna go for tickets. We're gonna try to get out there, blah, blah, blah. And I'm with you. It's so much better on pay per view. Yada, yada, yada.

[David Alan Greer]

Fight is going to be crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? The. The warehouse with the Newman cars and whatnot in it.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, my gosh.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

You're gonna have a jerk stand like you did last time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

Because a lot of time when real.

[Adam Carolla]

Men get really chicken. Yeah. You got Jamaican.

[David Alan Greer]

You gotta jerk off and just. Sorry, sorry. New fake. Okay, she's not even looking at me. She's like, I need a shower.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. It's just dirty now. Listen. What I Just put in.

[Brian Bishop]

It's funny, you fall asleep that fast.

[Adam Carolla]

I put a big screen in. Big screen. And a projector. Big screen. And a projector. Projector. Surround sound and a big screen.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay. Are kids gonna be there?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I'm gonna propose that we go like top shelf pay per view. Have you and Kimmel and the rest of the guys there, everyone go Uber. You know, get all the beverages, have it catered by some really good places.

[Brian Bishop]

Uber xl.

[Adam Carolla]

Go big.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm gonna do some Molly that night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can my dog if you want.

[David Alan Greer]

Again. Hello. Come on, let's be honest.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yeah, no, I agree. When you go there, you don't really get to see it.

[Brian Bishop]

True.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's. It's great if you love all the schmoozing and the elbow rubbing in the ambiance, but if you actually want to see the fight. But see, that stuff is either intoxicating or pain in the ass, depending on how you're wired.

[David Alan Greer]

If you were a real fight fan.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're wired like Dagaroni or me, that part's just a distraction.

[David Alan Greer]

Boy, let me, let me jump in here real quick. Also now, I went the best way to go. I went on the Paramount jet with superstar people. We flew in, we met at a private airport. We flew in, landed right outside the venue in a private tent. Food, drinks, they go in a separate entrance, ringside fights over. We get back on the plane and fly home. Hey, Billy Crystal, you know all that's the way you're gonna do it. But unless you do it like that. And also still, that was before smartphones and the selfie. If you are in a crowd, you are going to spend the whole fight taking pictures, being filmed. People you know, can I.

[Adam Carolla]

The greatest knockout in the world. Pacquiao knocked himself out. He's body levitated.

[David Alan Greer]

You're going to miss all of that.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the whole deal is saying you were there. Yeah. That's what you're paying for. And if that doesn't mean much to you, you're better off pay per view because you get high def and you get to watch it from 25 different angles.

[Gina Grad]

And sixth row is a mere $87,000.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. There you go. Simplisafe. Smarter home security. No aggressive sales guys. No hardwired systems. No long term lock in contracts. I was actually talking to Gina. Easy. I was talking to Jim Senior. Big Jim. James Kimmel. Talking about his house. Talking about the fact that the alarm guy didn't put any of the sensors on the windows. This Ran the wires, but no sensors.

[David Alan Greer]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Big pain in the ass. That's right.

[David Alan Greer]

No, not in LA. In Arizona, LA. What?

[Adam Carolla]

Got an Arizona and LA resident.

[David Alan Greer]

Holy fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Around the clock protection. Just 15 bucks a month. No long term contracts. And you go online, you set up your system, you put it in your shelf. All just 3M double stick tape. Stick it up, program. It takes 20 minutes. No wires, completely wireless. Go to simplisafeadam.com, you get 10% off. Simplysafe, adam.com. 10% off. All right, Gina grad, let's do some. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Gary, what do we have? Do we have that Dagaroni Road Hard Maya Angelou scene?

[David Alan Greer]

You know, I got three tweet favorites on that Rohard. It's really.

[Adam Carolla]

It's really Terry and Dick things out.

[David Alan Greer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Really helping your career. I just thought since Dag was here, I'd play you a little funny clip of him in Road Hard doing his Maya Angelou to the waitress. It was really good, actually.

[David Alan Greer]

That's the. This is the real. This is really what happens to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Michael.

[David Alan Greer]

Hey, what's up, man? Where's the actual written words? I don't know. I've been here for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Black guy beats a Judeo. A deli. This is a first.

[David Alan Greer]

This isn't the first time I arrived before film, okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. We've been coming here for 15 years. You've been here before, Phil. One time and one time only. That's when you forgot. Set your clock back.

[David Alan Greer]

All right, Come on, let's hear.

[Adam Carolla]

Black men. Fastest people on the planet, right? So racist. Slowest pedestrians.

[David Alan Greer]

Listen, don't try your racist material on me. I'm sure it killed at the clan meeting. You know what I do when I'm not on stage? I'm my real self. I don't try material out on people. Funny voices. You see them? The waitress?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Maya, Angela. Waitress.

[David Alan Greer]

I would like a blt. Belief, Love and Trust. Light on the mayo, heavy on the pride. Freedom.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, blt. And for you? Spanish omelette. And then our friend's gonna join us. Let's get him bagel and lox. Put that right in.

[David Alan Greer]

My child. I dream of the day when salt and pepper will one day live in.

[Adam Carolla]

Harbor and share the same shaker.

[David Alan Greer]

Salt, pepper and Tabasco will not have to be segregated like they are now on the prison yard.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I'll put that order in Caddy on. She got it. She got it. She doesn't know, my angel. She thinks you're.

[David Alan Greer]

You know. I Was laughing when I went. I said, look, I had already went up with my lines. It's like in my head I was spinning. Look. What the. Why didn't I learn these lines? I just.

[Adam Carolla]

It is funny when you don't road hard. Movie.com or Adam Coroll.com you can watch.

[David Alan Greer]

How much you guys made so far and are you giving back to all the people that donated? Because I know, I want to know.

[Adam Carolla]

I have not made any money.

[David Alan Greer]

Why do you laugh? Because that's kind of like. No, seriously, how much did you make? And are you giving your investors just a little bite of all the millions you made? Why are they turning my mic off? I don't. Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello.

[David Alan Greer]

So far, getting the old stink eye.

[Adam Carolla]

The only person that has not made any money is me. That. Wait, so far the only I made any money. I got about two.

[David Alan Greer]

But how do you. 8,000 hours buying the big time cars. The 800,000 for this Paul Stanley's Bucatti. You know, the big, big. The big race cars. You got the. Hey dag, look at my new building. You know who pays for that? Because I.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, my dad's a hedge fund guy.

[David Alan Greer]

Holy mackerel.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you know that?

[David Alan Greer]

I didn't. I thought he played trumpet.

[Adam Carolla]

Or he does, but that's just what he does on the side.

[David Alan Greer]

Is it called the welfare fund?

[Adam Carolla]

It plays a flugelhorn, which is not totally different from the trumpet. No, the reason. What, what pays for all that is the spike TV shows. What? I'm sorry. The books. That's why, that's why I do all that stuff.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, should we do a little news?

[Gina Grad]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do some news. Give me the news with GR. News with Gino. Gr. A Show business Congress Tech news, Sports news, World news. Give me news with Gina Weird out of Florida. Sex Obama. The news with Gina Grass.

[Gina Grad]

So I don't know if you've heard of revenge porn.

[David Alan Greer]

Yes, I have.

[Gina Grad]

So good.

[David Alan Greer]

I invented it. Are you kidding me?

[Gina Grad]

Christopher. Kevin. Christopher Bolert may disagree with you because he has been sentenced to 18 years in state prison. According to Gawker, the San Diego man ran the website yougotposted.com where users and hackers could anonymously post nude photos and personal information of people, people always, almost always women, without their consent. And then the victims would have to pay around 350 bucks on a site called changemyreputation.com to get their pictures taken down. He was convicted on 21 counts of identity theft and six counts of extortion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, 18 years.

[Gina Grad]

18 years.

[David Alan Greer]

You answered my question. So it wasn't the revenge porn site. It was that he actually was just. This was a ruse to extort.

[Gina Grad]

Well, he double dipped well, but the best part, they said on an average he earned about 900 bucks a month, so. Hardly seems worth it.

[David Alan Greer]

What an idiot.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, about 10,000 images were uploaded.

[David Alan Greer]

Isn't there going to be an opportunity to revenge porn this guy? He's going to prison. You know, he's going to get porked in the bunghole there. Yeah, it's going to be a camera. Because these prisoners are very sophisticated. Post that double dip back to him. You know, you don't want to see Rashawn, you know, driving at home to my. Give me $37, guys. I'm putting it out there. There's an opportunity.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe they'll have to put money on his canteen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't. You know, I, I.

[David Alan Greer]

Hold on. Bald Brian, that was fucking funny. You just stared at me. Because this new fake Theresa's just slinging them. She's coming with hard balls and you are shutting her down. Very funny. By the way, I like your sweats. Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. Yeah, I said I was. Can I get some more mankrea? God damn it. I was in my kitchen this morning. I was standing at the refrigerator in my bathrobe. My daughter handed me her phone because she was talking to her friend Cami and she wanted to film her in her dress. She was wearing her Easter dress.

[David Alan Greer]

Wait, she talks to her friends on the phone?

[Adam Carolla]

She talks to her friends on her cell phone.

[David Alan Greer]

She has her own cell phone at 8?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Why? I don't fucking know. I just.

[David Alan Greer]

Why does she need a phone at 8?

[Adam Carolla]

I just pay for everything. I don't know what.

[David Alan Greer]

I got news for it. She doesn't fucking believe in the Easter Bunny, okay? She's got a cell phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? Has this been going on for like a thousand years? Like, where someone would go, like, why does a 10 year old need his own wagon Wheel? I don't get it. I don't get it. He doesn't even have a mule team.

[David Alan Greer]

My daughter doesn't need snapes.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't know anything other than I pay for everything. And that's all I know.

[David Alan Greer]

Eight years old. You are losing control.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm standing at the refrigerator and I'm trying to get out some milk for my coffee, and my daughter hands me the phone and says, get a shot of Me. Cami wants to see what I look like in my dress.

[David Alan Greer]

So Cammie has a phone too?

[Adam Carolla]

Evidently.

[David Alan Greer]

Holy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Cammie's a 31 year old Puerto Rican?

[David Alan Greer]

Dude, I was gonna say, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm holding this phone, standing in my bathrobe, trying to. I'm thinking I'm filming my daughter, except for I'm looking at Cami's picture posted size stamp at the top.

[Brian Bishop]

You're on a list, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm trying to think, like, what's going on? Like, and how is anything ever gonna stay private? And how's everything not gonna just end up on the cloud? And is there what, you know, we all need to do? I think this would solve a lot of problems. We all need to schedule one afternoon out of the year. This is for everybody who lives in the United States. You get a DNA swab. Where? We'll get some DNA. We'll put that in the data bank. No more arguing about fingerprints or any of this left behind or ACL fucking you or anything. Just everyone's DNA. All in the bank. All in the bank. And then while we're there, there, while we're there, we are going to have a videotape where you put on a baby bonnet, clown shoes, and you're raped with a mop handle. That'll be everybody, every human being, everybody. And it's just there.

[David Alan Greer]

Is it going to be a condom on the mop handle?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. But we'll use a new mop. Or we'll wipe it. We'll spray it down with Purell, whatever it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, Purell.

[Adam Carolla]

It hurt worse. Well, no water soluble Purell. We're going to take Purell and we're going to mix it with Astroglide. Okay? Okay. Either way. And then whatever happens about you having sex with your boyfriend when you're 19 and it getting tossed up on the. Or whatever racially based tirade you went on at a club or whatever it is, the question will have to be asked, is it going to be worse than you being violated with the mop handle, wearing the baby bonnet and the clown shoes? Answer will be no. That'll be equal playing field. Moving on. There'll be nothing.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, Not a bad idea.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a well thought out plan.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Thank you.

[David Alan Greer]

Who's first? Who's going first?

[Adam Carolla]

Guys? We'll go alphabetically.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay? Adam, wait.

[Brian Bishop]

Shit.

[Gina Grad]

Brian, let us know what happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad news for me.

[Gina Grad]

All right, so shortly after the Wisconsin Badgers beat The Kentucky Wildcats 71, 64 Final Four victory photos and Videos begin to emerge of Wildcats expressing their displeasure by burning items in the street.

[David Alan Greer]

Over 29 people, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

After they won, after they lose.

[Gina Grad]

That's what I'll never understand. Either way. Mostly they got arrested for shouting insults at police, starting fires and quote, scuffling.

[David Alan Greer]

Hey, wait a minute. They weren't on the Fox News. They weren't, you know, look at these people.

[Gina Grad]

No, not necessary.

[David Alan Greer]

It wasn't the white Ferguson.

[Gina Grad]

This just looks more like a raucous campfire here.

[David Alan Greer]

That looks like a bad video.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, everyone's just an out of control, self entitled piece of shit now, right? You win, you burn shit. You lose, you burn shit.

[David Alan Greer]

Because their team lost and why. They're just. They should have won.

[Gina Grad]

They were a part of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but Kentucky was number one seed, right? They were both, but either way, different brackets. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Different regions.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened to, I don't even know.

[David Alan Greer]

Brian, but I went out there and you backed me up. I feel like I won.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all just a fucking disaster now, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they're reacted poorly.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's weird, as we added cameras, the more cameras we started adding, the worse everyone's behavior became. Where it's like a hundred years ago, there were no cameras. So like, if you were.

[Brian Bishop]

Think the behavior's worse? We know about it now.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think it's. I feel like it's worse now. I really do.

[David Alan Greer]

Are the cameras on?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I'm saying, what the fuck, Are you crazy? No, there are no, there's no cameras.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. No. A hundred years ago, if your team's basketball team or whatever team lost, I don't think there was this.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, you'd get in a duel, you'd.

[Adam Carolla]

Duel it out, but that was about it with a badger. Now there's cameras everywhere and we're acting like the biggest assholes on the planet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I guess. Whether it's good or bad, you're on a video and you're the star, you're setting shit on fire.

[Adam Carolla]

This whole point about your parents being able to be at home and go, wait a minute, that's my son in the middle of this whole shit, lighting his tube sock on fire and chucking it at some homeless guy, like, what? Wouldn't you think it would quell this stuff?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the presence of the camera should. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not so much opposite. Well, it doesn't work with looting or riots or like anything, does it?

[David Alan Greer]

People don't care. People do. Not people. This guy's admitted to murder on Facebook.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah. I Did it. Booyah.

[Gina Grad]

They'll steal somebody's phone and then take a selfie with it and they'll play.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. Right. All right.

[David Alan Greer]

Got your shit?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Well, you guys know the hustler store, right, In West Hollywood?

[David Alan Greer]

Do.

[Adam Carolla]

I was just there. Well, where?

[Brian Bishop]

Got a coffee?

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's going away. It's going to be relocated because Gwyneth Paltrow bought the property. Now wait a minute.

[David Alan Greer]

Larry Flint didn't own it.

[Gina Grad]

Larry Flint sold it to her. Here's what happened. It's going to be a club called the Arts Club. It's similar to the one in London and Aspen. And they do artsy stuff like poetry readings and events. The club prohibits swearing.

[David Alan Greer]

Hold on. I'm gonna finger painting my own doo doo.

[Gina Grad]

You can't swear. You can't bet.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, you can.

[Gina Grad]

You can play backgammon, but only if there are no stakes. There'll be a strict dress code. Now, other clubs like it is two grand to join and then two grand a year. But hers is going to be much more expensive.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a Soho Club or something.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, but you do. But you.

[David Alan Greer]

You pay money to go to the Soho House to do rowdy shit. You don't go there to read poetry.

[Gina Grad]

And play no stakes. Backgammon.

[Adam Carolla]

Get the out of here. I've.

[David Alan Greer]

I've taken up for granted Gwyneth. She's a queen in my book. But she needs to be taken down. This is gonna ruin the Sunset Boulevard.

[Adam Carolla]

There should be whores there. Come on. Is there gonna be booze at this place? I mean, there's gotta be booze.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, but don't swear if you're drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, there's a no swearing policy.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, God.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. No betting. So who knows if they're gonna. I'm sure you can't smoke there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no way.

[Gina Grad]

No E Vape. No.

[Adam Carolla]

The vaping.

[Gina Grad]

No vaping.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

By the way, stop smoking, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Soho is doing pretty nicely up the street. That's just up the street. Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

What do they do at the Soho House? They drink, they carouse.

[Adam Carolla]

They.

[David Alan Greer]

They bet they kill people in there and they bury their bodies.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[David Alan Greer]

It's a success.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. Correct.

[Gina Grad]

So I don't see either of you buying into that anytime soon.

[Adam Carolla]

If you are going to smoke. Smart mouth. But baby, wonderful segue. Thank you very much. Activated mouthwash. Get rid of the bad breath and get lucky with the ladies, man works 12 hours. So give a shot in the morning. Give a shot before you go to Bed. And like I said, smoker cigarettes. Pot, whatever. Whatever you're smoking these days.

[David Alan Greer]

How about if you like to eat shit? It's gonna help.

[Adam Carolla]

It is formulated specifically Germans.

[David Alan Greer]

Germans. Listen up. German caveat eaters.

[Adam Carolla]

Get that bad breath. Use smart mouth. By the way, keep the mints in the car. Spread them out all over the place. Do yourself a favorite.

[David Alan Greer]

Golden showers.

[Adam Carolla]

The console.

[David Alan Greer]

Can you use it on the outside of the car?

[Adam Carolla]

It works like a charm on everything. Throw when you get the weird coffee mouth or the dry mouth or whatever.

[David Alan Greer]

One last question. You drink a lot of vodka and you're a binger. So you've got to constantly vomit with the dried vodka smell. Will that help?

[Adam Carolla]

It is formulated for vodka.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm in.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the green box. It's the green box and it's got the smart mouth and it's shiny and it's a CVS pharmacy or anywhere you shop. Go [e-mail]. that is smartmouth.com.

[David Alan Greer]

What'S it. What's the name of Gwyneth Paltrow's club?

[Gina Grad]

Well, right now it just says Arts Club. The Arts Club.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what do you think? Think that piece of property cost and did she lease it or did she buy it? Because I think if she's buying that piece of property, it's gotta be. She's buying it? Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

There's office buildings up above. My buddy used to edit up there. He's an editor. And I know there's like full on, like corporate space, so she could lease it out and make money off that. So I said at least $10 million.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a minute.

[David Alan Greer]

Google it.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she buying the whole building or is she buying that space?

[Brian Bishop]

I would assume the whole. My guess is the whole building.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but how tall is the whole building?

[Brian Bishop]

I think there's like three stories above, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, because if you're doing that, it's over 10 million bucks. I think if you're just buying that.

[Brian Bishop]

Space, that space in the bottom floor.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S got to be 10 million bucks still just for that space. But we'll try to figure it out. All right, anyway, what's next?

[Gina Grad]

Well, Walmart, you know, the place that sells high caliber rifles and ammunition. They announced last week that they will not be carrying UFC women's bantamweight champ Ronda Rousey's upcoming book, which is coming up on May 12th in stores because she's too violent.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, she was in Furious 7.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, she's a very violent woman.

[David Alan Greer]

Is she good in it?

[Brian Bishop]

She kicks ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Just Pure cameo action.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And she's in the upcoming Entourage movie as well. She's a lot going on and she's an Olympic gold medalist or an Olympic medalist, but you know, God forbid we sell that book because she hits people.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I can't figure out in this day and age. Like somebody tweeted me the other day that there was violence, but it was like Olympic violence or wrestling or something, period. Smoking or something called sports violence. Sports violence, That's a warning. Sports violence in a movie. Like, oh, it's a football movie, but people make contact with one another. Be warned, be fair.

[Brian Bishop]

Bring your children into. No, the people hit each other.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, we're warning our kids. They can go the Internet and watch whole camera crews being beheaded and then bukkake movies after revenge porn after that. What are we worried about?

[David Alan Greer]

Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow and Gary Landsberg just bought the iconic Hustler store. They're just saying, store not building on Sunset street strip. And the annual membership, they're saying is 3,000 a year. No cursing, no sweaty and interesting here. No. Know the P word? No. Cancel.

[Adam Carolla]

Some sexuality, partial nudity and some war and sports action. Yes, war and sports action. Someone tweeted this to me. I'm just saying, can you. How do you make a war movie without some war? Or how do you make a sports movie without some. It's fucking insane.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Seems inherent in the time.

[David Alan Greer]

But do you read that you had your son there. You don't care. You bought Your daughter, your 8 year old daughter a cell phone. You're not involved.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't give a shit.

[David Alan Greer]

You're paycheck dad, ATM dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Keeping it real.

[Gina Grad]

So Chris Rock, he's had it being pulled over by the cops. So much so that he's posted a series of tweets documenting three traffic stops in seven weeks. He tweets, he includes selfies with the blue and red lights flashing in the background. And he says things like, stop by the cops again. Wish me luck.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, he. But. And people can't see this picture. He doesn't really look like Chris Rock, famous guy. He just looks like normal nerdy black guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Looks nerdy black. Yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

Can I tell you, I can't remember the last time I got stopped by the cops. And when I did, we took a picture. I'm not kidding.

[Brian Bishop]

Back at the precinct with a number.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[David Alan Greer]

On the side of the frame. Holy shit, man. Take a picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Woo.

[Gina Grad]

Did you get the ticket?

[David Alan Greer]

I just want to say that the California highway patrol are the finest men and women on this planet. I love them.

[Gina Grad]

Well, they do good work. A lot of people think it's a myth, but the Bureau of Justice Statistics claims that black people are about 30% more likely to get pulled over than white people. And actor Isaiah Washington even tweeted that he sold his $90,000 Mercedes G500 and bought three Priuses because he got tired of being pulled over.

[David Alan Greer]

I think he sold them because he got kicked off of that really high paying TV show. That's why he sold that 90,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Or he was making fun of gay people.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, and I don't think he has three Priuses.

[Adam Carolla]

Often the gay people get pulled over.

[David Alan Greer]

They never do.

[Brian Bishop]

I say probably less safe.

[Adam Carolla]

Driver, let me explain something to everyone. Sorry Dag. First off, the cops are not all just Joe Don Baker.

[Brian Bishop]

Timely call.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Walking tall in la, I've seen less white cops than I've seen black, Hispanic chick, whatever. Mixed combo cops.

[David Alan Greer]

I've never been stopped in my life by a black highway patrol cop. Always white.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right on the highway patrol, but the LAPD seems to mix it up quite a bit.

[David Alan Greer]

More been hassled, I've never been stopped. They are the finest human beings on the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so here's how the cops work. First off, they're not all blue eyed, they're mixed up. Secondly, they pull people over. I'd say first and foremost kind of on what kind of car you're driving.

[Brian Bishop]

Better or worse gets pulled over.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the poor people get pulled over more often than rich folks think.

[David Alan Greer]

Aren't there statistics? Nobody gives a shit. My, my spidey sense is telling me.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to get pulled over all the time when I drove.

[David Alan Greer]

Pulled over more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, number one, number two, number three, they pull over. I think, I'm assuming whatever, statistically in terms of crime committed by whatever group gets pulled over at that middle aged.

[David Alan Greer]

White guy should be pulled.

[Adam Carolla]

I would, I would, I would reckon that women probably get pulled over less than men.

[Brian Bishop]

My logic would tell me that's what I would say. The older crappier cars are much more likely to have a tail light out, registration at a date. Just because they are older and crappier by nature has something wrong with them. So I wonder if that sort of leads to them getting pulled over and.

[Gina Grad]

Ironically one of the Radio Shack fuzz buster. Like police detection, some aftermarket something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but list, here's the thing. Any interaction with the cops in terms of, I mean it's this sort of, it's this catch 22. Because it's like they pull over black people. They pull over young black males way more than they pull over whatever. Yeah, but young black males perpetrate a disproportionate amount of crime.

[David Alan Greer]

That's not. That's not true.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. It's not.

[David Alan Greer]

That's not true.

[Adam Carolla]

My.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm gonna say no.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, we'll go with no. So is it a chicken or the egg? I mean, the thing is, you could focus on one side of it. Like, yeah, they keep pulling over this group. Yeah, that group is involved with a larger percentage of crime. So which is it? And then are you creating them? Creating that and all that kind of stuff?

[Gina Grad]

Is there a pipeline involved?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a school to prison pipeline. I can tell you this, any interaction with the cops feels unfair. Sure. As a white person, we all know the feeling of, oh, come on. I was rolling through a four way stop. There was nobody around. It was early on Sunday. Really? You're really writing me a ticket for this? Or. I was going 71 and a 65. There's no one else on the highway. We all know. Every white person I know knows that feeling of. Of. I got pulled over on my motorcycle. The cop said, where's your motorcycle license? I said, I don't have one. He said, we're towing the bike. I said, can I. I will literally push it to the side street, park it. You can have the keys. Don't tow the bike. I'll have to get it from the impound yard. He said, we're towing the bike. I said, I'll park it legally and I'll walk home. No, we're towing the bike. We've all had. I've had insane. I've had three bikes towed. I've had three bikes towed.

[David Alan Greer]

I always have my id. Like every black man I know.

[Adam Carolla]

One was in front of my apartment. The point is this.

[Brian Bishop]

He may have just seen you from behind.

[Adam Carolla]

He may have seen the face from behind. It was the 80s. The point is this. Every white human being I know has had a horrible interaction with a cop that they thought was unfair. But unfair based on cops being assholes. If you were Chris Rock, all you would think is that cop is a racist. That's my argument.

[Brian Bishop]

Literally.

[David Alan Greer]

But seven times in two weeks is too much. Come on.

[Gina Grad]

Three times in seven weeks?

[David Alan Greer]

I think seven times in two weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but still a lot. I'm pretty good at. Can you reread that?

[David Alan Greer]

Can you guys reread that? Am I nuts here? No, hold on. Can you just reread how many times you got stopped, please.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[David Alan Greer]

Go ahead, please.

[Gina Grad]

Three times in seven weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[David Alan Greer]

Seven times in three weeks. Right. It's too much.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot black dudes get pulled over. More than white dudes.

[David Alan Greer]

They're targeted. This is.

[Adam Carolla]

This is.

[David Alan Greer]

This is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Given. Yes. It's called profiling. Yes. That's what they're doing. Right. But they do it for a reason.

[David Alan Greer]

Because it's illegal.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they do it because black folk perpetrate.

[David Alan Greer]

But it is illegal.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably they don't care. They make the rules. Probably. Probably they don't care. They're the cops. They do whatever the fuck they want.

[Brian Bishop]

Profiling is necessarily illegal by the cops.

[David Alan Greer]

It's illegal. And Chris Rock was stopped seven times in two days.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I know you.

[Brian Bishop]

Put it in perspective.

[David Alan Greer]

You know what? You beat cancer. You're not gonna beat me.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[David Alan Greer]

He did it.

[Adam Carolla]

He anchored me. Adam. Sorry. Don't go after.

[Brian Bishop]

I apologize.

[David Alan Greer]

It's not the man. Gria.

[Adam Carolla]

He called me the N word. You were there. Chris rock got stop 14 times in two days. I want to know. I will bet you how many black women get pulled over. 17 in four minutes.

[Brian Bishop]

Gary, find those stats.

[David Alan Greer]

There's this thing called Google. Use it. It works.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll bet you teenage white dudes get pulled over more than black.

[David Alan Greer]

They don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Adult women.

[David Alan Greer]

They.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, that's me. Black adult women, just by nature.

[Brian Bishop]

How they drive. I can see that.

[Adam Carolla]

Just. They're profiling.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Guess who commits more crime.

[David Alan Greer]

Adam, what you're saying is racist and ridiculous, okay? It is statistically proven. Just like when you look at the statistics of Ferguson. These individuals were targeted.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[David Alan Greer]

By the police.

[Adam Carolla]

What did the guy do before the cop talked to him? What guy? Chris Rock. I'll tell you what he did. Not that guy. I'm talking about the entire Ferguson do before he got targeted.

[David Alan Greer]

The entire black community. That's what I'm talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That's the problem.

[David Alan Greer]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

What did that guy do before?

[David Alan Greer]

Talking about the guy they killed. I'm talking about the entire black population that they used as an ATM machine to pay for the fucking tanks they used on him.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I don't like the cops. You know what we do in the news. You know I don't like the cops. Policeman, keep stopping. Chris, stop in two days. All right? I don't. They're profiling, and that's what they're doing, all right?

[David Alan Greer]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

They're profiling. Holy comics. I'm never perpetrated. Next Story, much larger degree.

[David Alan Greer]

I'm never gonna come back here again until I have a gig and I want to promote it. By the way, I'll be at the stress factory.

[Adam Carolla]

Crackers. Sorry, Crackers. Which is poorly timed.

[David Alan Greer]

Theater. I call it a theater.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a comedy club in Indianapolis.

[David Alan Greer]

Well, I call it a. I call it a medium sized venue. Just me.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do one.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Well, Jezebel.com reports that the French Parliament passed a measure Friday banning the use of excessively thin models on runways. Part of a larger health bill.

[Brian Bishop]

Parliament?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

The measurement measure. Yes. Won a majority of the vote in the national assembly over House of Parliament and will move to the Senate next week. Now listen to this. The legislation would make it illegal to pay a model whose body mass index is below whatever. It's going to be determined, probably 18. Any agency found to violate the law would face over $80,000 in fines and up to six months in prison.

[David Alan Greer]

ISIS. They didn't get to vote on ISIS, but they did get this. By the way, Analingus. Analingus has also been outlawed in France. No more butthole licking.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this?

[David Alan Greer]

It's a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? Because we're gonna.

[Gina Grad]

Because I think what they're saying is the pendulum is swinging the other way. They're in, In. In England, you can't have very Photoshopped pictures to sell makeup, that kind of thing.

[David Alan Greer]

They need Photoshop in England.

[Gina Grad]

It's the same kind of thing with this. It's that they're glorifying really, really unhealthy lifestyles. And now they're gonna try and put a stop to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but.

[Gina Grad]

Because if you have a less than 18 BMI, you're probably very safe.

[Adam Carolla]

You understand this? My son saw Furious 5 yesterday and I said, who's your favorite guy? And he said, the Rock. You mean the guy was swollen up, not wearing a gown in the hospital. Big man, titties hanging out, tattoos everywhere, just veins popping everywhere. And it's like, yeah, my son is never going to look like him.

[David Alan Greer]

You don't know why.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it okay for the boys? You know what I'm saying? They all. Every superhero is jacked out of their brains. Are you comparing to the way women.

[David Alan Greer]

Are portrayed in the media? There's no comparison.

[Adam Carolla]

Grow up and you watch unrealistic depictions of people that you're never going to become. That's part of growing up.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I think us banning this is not gonna. What did you watch when you're growing up?

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking he man.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. Are you devastated when you take your shirt off in front of the mirror?

[Brian Bishop]

Of course he is.

[Adam Carolla]

But you look nothing like he, man.

[Gina Grad]

But I think boys do get in trouble for this. I think it's. They. They get all jacked up on steroids and human growth hormones, and those are banned in a lot, you know, most.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay, I took a couple rounds of the hgh, but, yeah, it's fine.

[Gina Grad]

And then. See all this shit. And then they.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Everyone sees all this shit. That's why you're supposed to have parents, right? You can see shit all the time. I'm saying parent school to prison pipeline. When I'm saying is have a fucking mom and a dad. They can help you with life. And then you don't have to have an eating disorder when you're 11 because you have. You have a bearing.

[Gina Grad]

So what if. And I. Because I really think a lot of people could benefit from this answer. What if Natalia came home and she's like, I'm not eating dinner. My friends and I don't eat dinner now because we don't give him the.

[David Alan Greer]

Same answer he gave us.

[Adam Carolla]

I give her the move I do on the goose to get the fattened liver with a ring around her neck. That's right. A force feeder.

[David Alan Greer]

No, is delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

She is. See, she is going to have a mama who loves her and a daddy who pays for everything. And she will have an intact family in the house together with a normal childhood, and that will give her her best childhood.

[David Alan Greer]

She's got a phone, she's got an iPhone, and she's 8. It's already blown out the water.

[Adam Carolla]

That will give her best opportunity not to seek love in other places. You see what I'm saying?

[David Alan Greer]

A nut job.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what do. What should we do? Get rid of comic books. Have you seen. How about Disney cartoons? How about the way they draw princesses and the prince with the no waist and the huge shoulders and princesses with the sea cups and the no waist? And everyone's got a chin that's pointy with a cleft in it. Like, what. What. What are we to do? What are we to.

[David Alan Greer]

What about the also enlarged labia on the Disney.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

What about an Ariel?

[David Alan Greer]

Sorry, my bad. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Mm.

[Gina Grad]

But, you know, there's this thing going on on Facebook that I've seen everybody share. It's whatever. The women's. The woman's body is the ideal throughout history. So if it's the Ming dynasty or if it's, you know, old ancient Greece or whatever, and then it gets to you know, the last couple hundred years. And then it's the Hollywood starlet, which is this very hourglass shape. And then even as it gets to the 80s, it's a supermodel. That's. That's athletic looking and healthy looking and. And then the bodies just kind of start to deteriorate.

[Adam Carolla]

The. That's what. That's.

[Gina Grad]

And then they get to that and they say you can't get a lot of that. A thigh gap and a gigantic gap without plastic surgery.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what chicks and gay guys think look good. It's not what dudes like. Dudes, especially the brothers. That's right.

[David Alan Greer]

I like a girl who can light her own farts and can suck the foreskin off of my cock. Excuse me. And can swallow my spunk like a champ and never again.

[Adam Carolla]

My point, My point is this. You know, boobs, ass, curves never went out of style with guys or any guy I've ever met.

[David Alan Greer]

And racism is.

[Adam Carolla]

And racism is.

[David Alan Greer]

We're post racial.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is leaving dagger on you. Don't go anywhere. The point. Point is this is the ideal body for gay folk and chicks to critique other chicks. It's not dudes. It's never been about dudes.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Dudes. We have. We don't. We don't very much. We want an ass and a boob.

[David Alan Greer]

Just one baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Just one ass, one boob. Right cheek, left boob. That's all we want. All right.

[David Alan Greer]

I like big air yolas too. I like cookie round. You know what I mean? Yes, indeed.

[Gina Grad]

Do you have a color preference on the areola?

[David Alan Greer]

Chocolate brown, baby. Cookie rhymes. I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Gina Grad]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Holy Gina. Gina. That was the news with Gina Grad. Ah, Arctic ease, man. Runners, lifters, weekend warriors. You get injured, it's a fact of life. You need some ice therapy, you get some Arctic Ease instant cold wraps. I use it. We use it. You use it. You don't have to put it in the freezer. Just like an ACE bandage. But it's like cold wrap therapy. I don't know how it works, but it works like a charm. Just wrap it around your joint and get back to work. Get back to play, get back to tennis or whatever it is you're doing. Instant long lasting cold compression therapy. Even while you're training, it all stays in place. You can cut it to length, you can use it multiple times. Don't put your training on ice. Get reusable. Arctic Ease cold wraps at cvs or visit arctice.com and again, you're going to train, you're going to do something. Holding the focus pads for Evander.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, I'm jealous.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah.

[David Alan Greer]

Did he hit hard?

[Adam Carolla]

No, not really.

[David Alan Greer]

Or calling you out, Evander, or back. Yeah, I'm lit up, I'm patrolling. Show.

[Adam Carolla]

Evander, hold on a second. Listen to me. Arcticease.com arctice.com no. You know why these guys never hit that hard? Because they never try that hard. You know what I mean? Because they're kind of fucking around, dude.

[David Alan Greer]

I came in the gym one time, these two professional biters, they were hitting so hard that it sounded like two bodybuilders that were slamming iron doors. That's how much, that's how loud they were going at it. They were standing in the ring, just trading punches. I was shaking. I was scared 20ft away just watching them. That's how hard they were hitting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is weird, you know, it is weird when you go to the gym and you see guys sparring really hard. Like really hard sparring. It's weird because it's like, it seems like there's no context. I mean, there's a little context for it, but they're wearing headgear and they're wearing like cut off shorts and stuff. So you're. And there seem to be friends, but they're going after beating the shit out of each other. It was like sometimes you see guys just moving around. Like they move with that guy. They're moving, they're just kind of moving. And then there's all out sparring where they're just fucking rocking each other. And there's something in a weird way more off putting than watching a fight. Right?

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah. Well, first of all, these guys weren't moving. They clearly were like, let's trade punches, you know, and they were right to the head and just standing in the center of the ring. It was crazy. The Paolina Gym. The great Paolina Gym.

[Adam Carolla]

Take, take a knee. By the way, this week's guest, John Ridley, Everybody. Academy Awards. 12 Years of Slave. Did you see that movie?

[David Alan Greer]

I did. That was a dynamite movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he wrote, he wrote the screen.

[David Alan Greer]

I know John Ridley. I met him many years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Cool guy.

[David Alan Greer]

He's very intelligent, very talented, super articulate. Absolutely. Steve McQueen. Are you gonna, Are you gonna, gonna, Are you gonna make him tour to see all the cars that the listeners. I mean, that you bought?

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, guys. Ah, Road hard available on DirecTV on demand. Finally see Dagaroni Tour de force. Hold on.

[David Alan Greer]

Gina Are you in the movie? No.

[Adam Carolla]

Booyah. Dagaroni. Is Amazon Dagger. All your shopping, you can do it on Amazon. Sign up Amazon prime for free. By the way, downapproll.com you get the free shipping. David Allen Greer website davidallengerer.com no.com. forgot about it. He Chocolate glutton, by the way, dot com is where you go killing it.

[David Alan Greer]

I have some very exciting, exciting news coming up. You know, I'm not going to premiere it here because there's some bigger venues I want to talk about, but eventually I'll trickle down here to your little podcast. Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

The great David Alan Greer. Go to DavidAllenger.com find out where he's playing around town and when he's coming to town near you.

[David Alan Greer]

Can I just say something really quick in all seriousness, Gina, I don't know you.

[Adam Carolla]

I do not like you.

[David Alan Greer]

I don't think you're gonna make it.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome.

[David Alan Greer]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

David Allen Greer, Gina Grad. And bald Brian saying from a hollow. You ever heard of? Try it. All right, that's adam K Show 1546 with a great tag in the studio. Up next, we have Adam Kolla show 1586, Kevin Neal with James, Gina Grant.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian bishop, also from 2015.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Gina Grant. Good day to you. And bald Brian. Uh, oh.

[Brian Bishop]

I was on Drew's terrestrial radio show today. Speaking of which. Just came straight from there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're on. Did you say Drew's mid. Oh, I'm sorry. Drew's midday show, Drew's terrestrial radio show, talking about your paperback coming out.

[Brian Bishop]

Comes out out today.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect.

[Brian Bishop]

Came on. And Drew, all joking aside, he's been such a tremendous champion of the book, much more than it deserves. And he's like, I'll come on the show and talk about it.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Drew is too nice by some accounts.

[Brian Bishop]

We talked about the time when you called him after we talked my diagnosis, and he was like, ooh, bad times. Like, he predicted the worst.

[Gina Grad]

He wasn't an optimist.

[Brian Bishop]

He was a. He was a realist, bordering on pessimist.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Drew is very.

[Brian Bishop]

He showed you some stats, apparently on a computer.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he?

[Brian Bishop]

That's what he said.

[Adam Carolla]

At some point.

[Brian Bishop]

It might not have been that day, but at some point he showed you some stats.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Drew, as I've said now, this is. This is bad. You know, bad times. And by the way, if you're going to pick up shrinkage and paperback, go ahead and get Daddy. Stop talking.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Twofer.

[Adam Carolla]

Click through Amazon and spread the word and spread the love man, good books, a lot of work. And, you know, when you really think about it, you know, for the 10 bucks or the 14 bucks, it's like a year of somebody's life of really going at it for a year.

[Brian Bishop]

Incongruous. How much work goes into it versus, oh, you can get this thing for 9.99.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, especially when they start getting used, and they're like, we'll pay you, and we'll drop it off. We'll read it out loud to you while you're on the toilet. No, you understand. All I had to go off of with Dr. Drew. Drew, thankfully, is one other occasion when I said, my wife wants to know about her friend Jennifer, who has ovarian cancer. And Drew said, she's dead in six months. And, yeah, I had to go report that. What did Drew say about Jennifer?

[Gina Grad]

It didn't come up.

[Brian Bishop]

He's doing well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I forgot to ask.

[Adam Carolla]

So that basically the only. Hey, Drew, what's this? You know, give me the straight dope on what this person's chances are are that person was dead at age 34.

[Brian Bishop]

He was one for one in the AG.

[Adam Carolla]

He was one for one in that department. Drew had put a bullet in her head just to be right. Because he has such an ego. He has such an ego. No. Yeah. She was in remission. She was coming out of it, making plans for. She was going to Fiji with her fiance. And he said, nope. No, he was one for one. And the time the timeline was about. On about right, too. It didn't take Jennifer a year to die. It took her six months to die from the time he said she was going to die. And so when at that point, it'd been. I'll try to do some math here. But only about two or three years later when I called Dr. Drew.

[Gina Grad]

Got another one for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Got another one for you. And he's like, all right, start teaching someone those sound effects.

[Gina Grad]

By the way, we can laugh because Brian's laughing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, it's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I spent my career saying to Drew, like, oh, please, drama queen. Knock it off with the drama all the time. But when it came to Jennifer, she was dead in six months. So this is the one. I did take his word for it.

[Brian Bishop]

With that, Adam started to tear up, and Drew's like, it's all right. He's like, no, I'm gonna have to call Anderson now.

[Adam Carolla]

Anderson's gonna come back and work the same. So thank God. That call was how many years ago now?

[Brian Bishop]

Geez. It was April 23rd. Ish. 2009. So over six years.

[Gina Grad]

I can't. The benefit feels like a million years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

It does. It's coming up on a six year anniversary of that too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That was another great milestone in my career when Baby Doll said, baby, baby, where are you having this thing? And it's like, will she rebel? What are you charging for character tickets? Like $300. I'm not letting Jimmy go out to a half full audience.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not going to humiliate him like that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's embarrassing. I said, why do we assume it's going to be half full, baby?

[Brian Bishop]

That story and many others in shrinkage, available now on paperback.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great. Now I'm not talking to Frank Caliendo's agent. No one's roasting to my agent. You're not getting roasted, baby. Who you kidding?

[Brian Bishop]

Don Rickles is evaluating your drawing power.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Mm. What Parking $6, baby.

[Brian Bishop]

No, not in this town.

[Adam Carolla]

No. That was a very.

[Brian Bishop]

For all of us.

[Adam Carolla]

It was an interesting conversation.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I can say that my dear friend and podcast partner at the time, Randy Wang, who didn't and still doesn't have two nickels to rub together, bought two VIP tickets for us to go because he loves you.

[Brian Bishop]

Why didn't he email me? I would have got him a 5% discount. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, the thing that was wonderful about it is people didn't have money cobbled together, whatever they had.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it was 2009 too. Keep in mind that the economy is.

[Adam Carolla]

In pretty bad shape, to be fair to Baby Doll, that everything had just hit the fucking skids. In terms of. The economy was horrible.

[Gina Grad]

We all had that severance money, so we were fine.

[Brian Bishop]

We were totally fine from klax.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone had just gotten fired from Kaylis X. And we had, we had all these great bands and all these great personalities and everyone just stepped up and everyone, those people stepped up on that side of the microphone and the people on the other side of the microphone, the people bought the tickets, stepped up and paid, and we sold that place out.

[Brian Bishop]

It was humble. It was such heartwarming. It is not even enough to describe bad religion headlines and. But Simmons and Dana Gould and Dan Van Dan Band was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy was there, Jimmy was there. And please, please, during my eulogy, when everyone's going, Larry Miller, of course, when people start each speech with, he wasn't as big a dick as you thought. Weave those kind of tales in, would you, please?

[Brian Bishop]

This event, you know, it feels very self serving to talk about it, but it doesn't get talked about enough. This is an awesome, awesome, awesome moment in the podcast history where the listeners we kind of opened our eyes to. Wow, this podcast has a lot of power on. Like people respond in times of emergency or trauma or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

And people came together from Portland and Seattle and Austin and flying in from all over the country and just unbelievable.

[Brian Bishop]

It was so much fun.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so his book, my book, all available now. Got some phone calls, I got some stuff to play first off. So remember I was telling you I was doing the radio tour in New York and It's just, there's 35 stations and you know, up all night at Caroline's doing comedy. Throat sort of voice blown out hoarse from being up on stage with Lisa Lampanelli and just trying to, you know, it's harder to do the show without you guys out there and then, you know, doing 90 minutes of just sort of on your feet and you're, you know, in a clock.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta project, play the back row.

[Adam Carolla]

Playing that back row and then up real early the next morning for the radio tour. I played you one of the, one of the folks, one of the highlights. One of the highlights. I will now play you. This is the first, this is number, this is number one. So out of the gates, I set my alarm after going to bed at like 1:30. And but again, I'm staring down the barrel. It's not I'm going to finish this radio interview and go back to bed. It's I'm going to finish this, this, this tour and then it's off to Good Day, Whatever and Fox and Friends and everything else. So here is the first. This is numero uno, the very top, one of my all time favorite shows.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I think that was commonplace among.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of male listeners that we have here was the man show. Oh yeah. And joining us right now is the guy that put it all together, Adam Carolla. And Adam, thanks for joining us. That was a great show. I don't know why it ever ended. The man show should go on forever. Well, you know, we, we did a hundred episodes and then Jimmy got the call from ABC to do the late night show and then they wanted me to stay on and do more man show without Jimmy, but it was our show, so we invented the show. We worked together. And so when he moved on to abc, I went on to write on shows. We just figured 100 episodes was enough. Yeah, we're talking about Jimmy Kimmel.

[Gina Grad]

But you guys, when you did all.

[Adam Carolla]

That stuff and you know, you wrote the book, in 50 years we'll all be chicks you seem to be saying.

[Gina Grad]

That things have changed for guys of our age.

[Adam Carolla]

Here to promote Daddy. Here we go. You can keep going, but you understand the whole thing is you got to promote the new book. Yeah. Get up and promote. Get them promote. And I understand. I do it, too. I talk about everything else, but I start off with, here's the name of the book.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we have people in here. And it's like, well, let's talk about your most known for.

[Adam Carolla]

And now.

[Brian Bishop]

What are you doing now?

[Gina Grad]

By the way, was he interviewing you from 1912? It was very. Wilson, get in here. I need you.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but the way I think. Watson.

[Gina Grad]

Watson. Thank you. Oh, I love that you knew that.

[Adam Carolla]

You're talking to a volleyball. What I was saying. Right, Boob. What I was saying was I do this all the time, too. So what you do is you go, hey, we're talking to Adam Caroll. He's got a book out. It's called Danny Can't Stop Talking, Blah, blah, blah. We're getting that first. I'm a fan from back in the day, the man show. Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

You sort of just lead off.

[Adam Carolla]

At least just put it out there. But.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, here's what he's doing here.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm tired. I'm no fucking picnic at this point. I'm no party at this point either. All right, here we go. Yeah, they definitely. They definitely have. That was. That was the first book and that. I probably wrote that five years ago. And most of the stuff I predicted came true in five years, not in 50 years. Right. So how have things changed?

[Gina Grad]

I mean, I know that now you're a dad and everything, and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I just think the roles have gotten pretty blurry. I mean, I guess you can ask Bruce Jenner about that, but we've kind of decided that whatever dad was doing, Moms formerly used to do, and now everyone has to do it together. And, you know, I just don't think we're heading in the right direction as a society. Give us an example. You want an example from the book that's five years old or the book that's out now? How about the new one about parenting? Okay. Do you guys have the title of that book? Wait, wait.

[Gina Grad]

What was his answer?

[Adam Carolla]

Do the book from now.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

The Greatest plug Ever. People can go to Amazon. The book from Now. All I'm doing is sitting there in my underpants, in my room, completely dejected and spent. This is number one. And I've realized we're five minutes in. We've not said the title of the.

[Brian Bishop]

Book yet, to be fair to them, that was a bit ham handed. They probably could have said the title, Adam Roll is here promoting his book outside, blah, blah. That was a good open window for you to be like. They're like, oh, and you're a parent now. Yes. And I've written a book about it. Could have.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just. I definitely could have. But seeing as how we talked about the other book quite a bit. For quite a bit. And want to know what was going on now. Sort of. I honestly didn't at that point. I didn't know if they had the title of the book in front of them or they thought the last book was this book or I wasn't exactly sure. Now, keep in mind, I was drunk six and a half hours ago and I still have part of a boner. Not my boner either. Someone else's.

[Brian Bishop]

What part of one.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm sort of sitting there going, if they had the book in front of them, they would have shouted it out by now. And I do get the part where they're throwing it over to me, but I don't. The whole idea is I'm not supposed to be interviewing, shouting out my own stuff. I kind of want them to bring it up.

[Brian Bishop]

Drop a knowledge.

[Gina Grad]

The book from now.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here we go. Sorry, that's the only clip I have. Oh, that's the clip. Sorry. Where it ended. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Spoiler alert. Did they ever name the book?

[Adam Carolla]

I think I may have woven it in. Maybe they wove it in. I don't. I don't. I don't know what it is, but welcome. Welcome to my world, everybody, off the bat.

[Gina Grad]

So did that shape your idea for number two?

[Adam Carolla]

The one we heard the other day.

[Gina Grad]

That was the second one of the day.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this was number one and the one we heard was like number 10.

[Gina Grad]

Right. And then going into the second one after that, were you pissed or were you like, okay, no, I'm never interview.

[Brian Bishop]

His comp was primed.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

What I start doing is. Unfortunately, I. No, I was not pissed. I was just sort of like, exasperated. Yes, let's. But it's always turned the page. I'm not gonna take it out on the next. The next guy. But yeah, maybe there's after the time.

[Brian Bishop]

And the thing the night before and all that stuff. It's toxic.

[Gina Grad]

Did anyone just get it right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You did.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Blinds galore. Got it right. There you go. Had to think for a second I was going to yell, hell to the no. But then I realized I talked to you. Yes. Blindsgalore.com Measuring, picking out the perfect blind. Installing it. Blinds Galore is going to help you every step of the way. We do it here, they do it there. They take care of you, man. We use it at the shop. I use it at my house. It's kind of nice, actually, that you pull the metal chain and you just kind of dial it in. Just let the right amount in. You don't have to leave the house. You don't have to go to the big box store. You don't have to talk to a slack job employee. Just go online. 100% custom made just for you. Just for your windows. And damn the damage that the sun first off heats up your house. I mean, a picture. Picture your. You know when you get in your car on a summer day and the windows are all rolled up and you climb in, it's just like a terrarium of death.

[Brian Bishop]

And you can see the heat signature in the shadow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And now it's bleaching out your furniture and your carpet. If you're like me. The dog. Yeah, the dog sits right there. Bleached sunblast.

[Brian Bishop]

You have a black lab.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Molly used to be black lab. Then when we moved to another neighborhood.

[Brian Bishop]

They said know about that.

[Adam Carolla]

So we just left her in front of the window.

[Brian Bishop]

I suppose we can make an exception.

[Adam Carolla]

Free samples, free shipping, and the best blinds galore.com go today. Let them know I sent you. That's Blinds galore dot com. All right, on a happy note, we have the guys. Yeah, I need their Nick and Josh. Right. All right, so these are the guys who called in a few. Oh, I have their stuff in front of me. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Feels like at least six months ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, somebody needed a kidney, I think. Hey, Nick, Josh. Yeah, hey, what's going on, Adam? Nick, you needed the kidney, right? That's correct. And Josh called in on your behalf, unbeknownst to me. He did call in, I guess back in January, I believe. Right. And that was. Yeah, we have. We have December on our screen, but either way, 2014. So he called in and I think I put up a bounty of $10,000. That's right. On somebody's kidney.

[Brian Bishop]

General item.

[Adam Carolla]

Very grateful. Yeah. Loser leaves body. And you got some response, huh? Yeah, I guess about 85 people or so emailed interest expressing that you don't want to see what the process was about and what they could do to possibly help. And I forward that information along to them. Well, I. And you got your new kidney, right? That's right. I received it from a local person who happened to pass away over Memorial Day weekend. I killed him so I didn't have to pay.

[Brian Bishop]

That was like a week and a half ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. So what? Yeah, I just got out of the hospital past Friday.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Congratulations. So what was the circumstances of the local person? No, they're kind of limited on what they can tell you. Thank you. They don't. I know that the person was a young male. I think he was 21 years of age, and he passed away over the weekend. And I got the call Tuesday evening that I had a kidney. And I went to the hospital. And by mittens that night, it was working functionally inside of me.

[Gina Grad]

Unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

There's actually too much Mangria.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. So the kidney's sad. Sad for the family of the young person and good for you. And I wish more people in a world, as I always say, of non stop click it or tickets or whatever the fucking. Talk to your kids. You know, we have to have David Schwimmer, come on, save water. Yeah, talk to your kids. Shut the fuck up. I don't even know what that means. The donor and the kidneys and the program for the oral organs. I. I don't know why that's way more important than talk to your kids or click it or ticket and not discuss. As a matter of fact, we backed off on the clicket or ticket. There'd be more organs available. Yeah. If you think about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is this not something that's ever discussed?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when we talk to Gavin Newsom, he likes to work small to big. So don't flush. Your toilet is worthless. And then organ donation is huge. So maybe he's still with flushing the toilet. I don't know why. No fucking idea why our society works in the way it works. But how about sign up? You know, here's what I'm saying. Hold on a second. God damn it, I'm pissed. How about those fucking freeway signs, say, how about when you go to the fucking dmv, if you sign up to be an organ donor, you don't have to pay registration on your car for one year or six months or a 10% whatever. Wouldn't that be. I mean, would that be one example the fucking city and. Or the government actually doing something where you went like, yeah, here's the deal. Like, there's stuff we want you to do, okay? We want you to switch to solar. We'll get. We'll give you a tax break. We want you to pull out Your lawn and put down gravel and cactus. We'll give you a break on the. Whatever. There are things we incentivize people to do. Things to do stuff all the time. Hey, we have stuff. Get rid of that old gas guzzling clunker of yours that's belching carbon monoxide into the sky. We'll give you 400 bucks toward a new car if we let us crush that car.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, but save a precious human life, no can do.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And I guarantee, I guarantee most motherfuckers in this town and in this country, if you're at the DMV registering or renewing or paying your fill in the blank, whatever it is, and they said you want to save 10% on, all you gotta do is sign up to be a donor. They go, fuck it, why not?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

But shall be done in our lifetime shall not be done by the way. We will sit around and fucking wring our hands over the lack of organs and the lines to wait. And then every once in a while there'll be some story about someone from Crosby, Stills Nash jumping the line and blah. Someone's going. Someone's going to Mexico to buy a pancreas or whatever it is, but nothing else. That's where it shall end. Nothing else we can do. Are we the fucking simultaneous? When you picture like the space shuttle and shit like that and then this. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What we're capable of and what we actually do.

[Adam Carolla]

Are we the smartest and dumbest society's ever been? Because I like, feel, feel like Romans were just Romans. Right. They didn't have a bunch of really good ideas or a bunch of really.

[Gina Grad]

The fighting pits weren't bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they were them. We have some of the fucking. We are like fucking third world in many ways. And then wait, then there's, you know, Elon and his hyper hoop and all that shit, whatever it is, you know what I'm saying? Like, can we get people. All right, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Congratulations, Josh. And that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I'm just saying. Thank you. Thank you. What would be. If you guys looked into this. Have you looked into awareness or working on this issue? I mean, I kind of agree with what you're saying, Adam. Like, there definitely needs to be some kind of incentive to get people at least more aware. Because, I mean, the fact that this 21 year old had. Was selfless enough to go to make this conscious decision to go. You know, I'm going to. If I had something happens to me, I'm gonna be able to change maybe one person's life, maybe five or Six people's lives, you know, you have a liver like that. Act of selflessness is hard to teach. It's kind of a parent character type of thing. Yes, but you're right as far as the education of society, it's. It's lacking. I don't know if it's like a religious thing or just something people feel like sticky kind of talking about they don't get. Listen, listen, I'll put you on hold because Skype is a little tough. God bless a 21 year old who had the presence of mind to do that. I would guess that well under 10% of 21 year olds have that on their license. We travel and go to the airport at the Salt Lake City. I don't know if it's international. It's the Salt Lake City airport. And I have to see signs up of a picture of a rhinoceros that says I'm not jewelry. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Government addressing problem that isn't a huge problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Not in Salt Lake on safari number one. I'm doing a gig. Gary. You can find that picture fucking cracks with all over the airport. Like I don't know how many people are catching. You know, you go to L. A, you have a layover in Salt Lake before you go to Kenya.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You always have to check your elephant gun. Sure. I don't know what the fuck's going on that's getting us from Salt Lake City to fucking Kenya. I could imagine that there was a very small percentage of human beings that were gonna go on a vacation to Kenya and go on safari. Probably not poachers.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And I imagine bringing rhinoceros bits into the country to sell his jewelry is extremely difficult, if not impossible.

[Gina Grad]

By the way. If you've achieved that, there's nothing you can do at that point.

[Brian Bishop]

You've skirted the system.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, most the folks that do the poaching are in Kenya. They're not traveling from Salt Lake. Like to go do. I'm not medicine is what it says.

[Brian Bishop]

Not jewelry.

[Gina Grad]

Wait, there are people that are cured by things by rhinoceros.

[Adam Carolla]

All Asians. It's all dick related.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, got it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what Drew prescribed to me for.

[Adam Carolla]

My cancer rhinoceros penis tosk, by the way. Anyone find it ironic? Hey, we got the black nation. They got no money, but they're doing pretty good in the dong department. We got this other nation over here, pretty good on cash.

[Brian Bishop]

Again, the duality of man not doing.

[Adam Carolla]

So well in the dong department. So what do we got here? Well, let's see if we can get a roller skate and a key together.

[Brian Bishop]

Put them together, an exchange program going thus the rhino.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Oh, yeah, I'm oversimplifying everything.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you're properly simplifying things in a way.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Are you guys working?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I think so.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't have the stickers anymore, do they?

[Adam Carolla]

No, they don't have the stickers anymore. But I signed up for it. I used to have the little pink circle that I signed up for. I think when I first got my license, I just did it. And here's the thing, my point is this, that sign because there's only. There's not an infinite amount of space in everyone's mind for all the causes that are out there. There. Sure. That sign could have read donate your organs or save. You know, whatever this program is. Here is your incentive to become a donor, which would impact a significantly higher percentage of society in this country than the rhinoceros.

[Brian Bishop]

Shopping for rhinoceros medicine. Well, as I said, rhinoceros based on medicines.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I have to say about rhinos. Click its or tickets or end human trafficking. You either have your seatbelt on or you have no intention of putting your seatbelt on in 2015. You're either either into killing rhinocero and cutting their horns off and turning the shit into a powder or jewelry or whatever, or you're not.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't dabble in it or you don't think about.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all I should get into.

[Adam Carolla]

You're either into human trafficking or you're out. There's nobody's like, well, I do a little. You know what some people do with Uber, I do that with human trafficking.

[Gina Grad]

White trafficking.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a full time gig, but my weekends are open and sometime during the summer months we'll. We'll punch out on a Friday about noon and I'll do a little human trafficking.

[Brian Bishop]

I can do it on my schedule. That's I like about it is that I can.

[Adam Carolla]

And I can claim my car as a business deduction because as I do a lot of my abducting and traveling in my Camry, you can say that.

[Brian Bishop]

For both Uber and the abductor.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Keep your car as a deduction.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[Brian Bishop]

Keep your trunk clean.

[Adam Carolla]

So can we thus then come to the conclusion that the fucking rhino poster, the clicketer ticket, or the end the human trafficking and. Or the elderly abuse is a fucking zero? Yeah, okay, well, maybe the organ donor thing might be 1% and thus. Sorry, Gavin Newsom.

[Gina Grad]

Significant.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna work a little bigger down to the fucking zero.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's a number.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we, please? And I've tried to talk to the assholes at the ad council a million times over a million years. And why? They don't want to talk to me any more than a junkie wants to talk to Dr. Drew. Like their shit is fucking indefensible. Like they're fucking Ad Council here. You know, they're fucking ads that I had to hear over the years doing Loveline are, you cannot defend them.

[Kevin Nealon]

Whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

They're so inane and so insane. And don't. And they're fucking the biggest waste of time ever.

[Brian Bishop]

So checking of the box, like, oh, you have to do this one.

[Gina Grad]

I particularly remember from KLSX was a little kid with scary music in the bathroom background time about eating peanut butter and jelly out of a dumpster. And I still don't know what it was for, but it was really scary and it was really sad. And we played it every night at home.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, Gina, one out of six American kids goes to bed with food insecurities, by the way, I like when they have to. I like when they have to make the move, like, well, can't say. Goes to bed hungry because everyone's fat, right? So we'll go with insecurities. Like, not sure where they're gonna get their next bowl of Captain Crunch. Fatty. Not sure where the next churro's coming from.

[Brian Bishop]

That sounds like a first draft of the psa.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, what the fuck? Food insecurities. Shut the fuck up, all right?

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, you know, you shouldn't be insecure about Castrol.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Intelligent molecules. Oh, thank God we've shifted to something I'd be happy about.

[Brian Bishop]

Shifted.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, that's true, man. 75% of the engine wear occurs right when you warm the car up, right when you start it up. And that goes on for, like, 20 minutes. All those short little trips, you think the short little trip hops. They're killing your motor, man. You need cash. Oil. Somebody tweeted me that bought a bunch of this stuff. Take your kid to the store. Take your boy or girl. Go there, do some shopping. Change the oil, man. Do it with Daddy, maybe Mommy or Mommy and Mommy. Either way. Intelligent molecules. It's Castrol GTX magnetek. It clings to the critical engine parts even when the engine is off, so you don't need to warm it up. It just makes it smooth and slippery. All of it's at the bottom of the pan, but it all clings so it's all good. Available at Walmart, autozone, Quick Lube centers, Castrol gtx, magnetek, baby. All right, let's see. Oh, Nealon's here. I love that guy. Let's see. So started dating a girl. Sex details. Upset, huh?

[Brian Bishop]

These are good calls. Starting at line one.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Hey, Johnny. 27, Chicago baseman. Get it on. What's going on? On, man. Paul. Gina, Hi. Yes, I just wanted to run this question past you. Started dating a girl a couple months ago, and seems like every time we hook up or get intimate, she seems to tell one of her friends. Now, I want to know, do you think this is something I should be concerned about? And if so, how? Concern. And if you have any advice about this. Do you have a small cock? No. No worries.

[Brian Bishop]

Next caller.

[Adam Carolla]

You need some rhino horn. You're gonna be in the Salt Lake City area anytime soon. I know a guy by way of Tanzania. He's the guy. He'll be reading the racing form by the Cinnabon.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you'd call him a shaman, I guess. Medicine man. I don't know the term is.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a. No, this is my connection.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. He knows the shaman.

[Adam Carolla]

He knows the guy. The guy will be reading the racing form by the Cinnabon in the Salt Lake City airport. And what you do is you walk by there with a napkin from a Starbucks and just drop it by his feet casually as you walk by. That'll be the signal. Next thing you know, you'll be in a primer van and heading toward that horn.

[Gina Grad]

That helped Johnny?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think I did. Yeah. Look, that's fine. That's a good. That's good. I mean, are you. Are you doing a good job? Yeah, yeah. It's going all right, for sure. Okay, well, if it's going good and she's telling the friends, that's good. Because I think the telling of the friends is when it's really bad or really good. You don't get the A, me and Johnny fucked on Tuesday. I give it a six.

[Brian Bishop]

Status quo, same as last time.

[Adam Carolla]

All kind of standard missionary thing. Sure, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Anyway, it's either a concern or a brag. You're absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So we'll assume that. Age 27, it's a brag at this point, given the newness of the relationship.

[Gina Grad]

And by the way, she's not gonna stop doing it because we don't stop doing it, so. And if you have to ask if you should be upset about it, then you're probably not upset about it. And that's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Caesar, 30. Hey, what's up, Adam? Love your movie. I bought it on demand and more than likely gonna have to buy the physical DVD later on so I can own it forever. Gina. Hello. Which movie did you buy? Winning, man.

[Gina Grad]

The one from now documentary.

[Adam Carolla]

You want me to call it a doc? Oh, Roadheart's only three months old. Hey, I own the Hammer. It came with your signature. I don't know how that happened, but I own the Hammer. Yeah, well, thanks. I probably signed a bunch of them. Okay, now just get watch Road Hard and you'll complete the trilogy. What's going on? That one out Pretty good, man. Hey, just wanted to talk about porkies before I say say hi to bald. I don't know, man. She's beautiful. Good job, man. You must have looked great with hair. No? Yeah. Adam, I wanted to talk to you about porkies you brought up in the past. Once you got tripped to this bird birthday with porn. They kind of like, you know, it's like a. Yeah, I got a birthday party. Disappointed. Yes. So, I mean, when you were younger, I mean, Porky's was available, right? And all the movies that they were making with CDK and stuff. I mean, what do you think about that, though? Porky's is essentially a piece of shit. I mean, it's way, way overrated in the comedy department. It's not even really funny at all. Oh, we're not talking comedy here. No, no good in the titties department. But there are other movies that surpass that. Porky's is insanely overrated, has a bizarre anti Semitic sort of sea story to it where it's like, hey, Jew boy, get over here, you little kike. And like, it's weird.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah, I don't remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a great movie because all anyone thinks about is the shower scene. It did a wonderful job of just basically focusing on five guys, like, trying to get laid and chicks naked in the shower. And it's all you remembered back then. And nudity was such a novelty. Today, that movie would completely tank because it's not well written. There's nothing funny about it. It's really a piece of shit. I'm just mad at it because we shouldn't know about this movie. But today we have the Internet and pornography and this movie would not exist. There's a part. There's a sort of anti Semitic part. There's a part about an alcoholic dad who shows up and is like, get the hell back and starts beating like a family dude domestic. That's all anyone ever remembers is the shower and the titties.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what? The girl version of this movie as it came to me is Breakfast at Tiffany's, which.

[Gina Grad]

What are you talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

Swinging.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you like.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you don't. You're lying.

[Brian Bishop]

When's the last time you saw it?

[Gina Grad]

Probably four years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone forgets all the horribleness about Breakfast Tiffany's. All they remember is Audrey Hepburn looking beautiful, admittedly, iconically in that dress and the costume. But how about the crazy Asian Mount Landlord played by the crazy. Played by Mickey Rooney. Yes, Mr. Harigo.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Alan Greer]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like what?

[Gina Grad]

You're right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a white man doing that.

[Gina Grad]

You're totally right.

[Brian Bishop]

Wild racism.

[Adam Carolla]

It was awful.

[Gina Grad]

You're right. It was a Martin.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm doing an accurate representation.

[Gina Grad]

Absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

I should. I. I've never seen that because I'm not a chick, but I know there's one day we shall put together a list of the movies that people have like, well, Porky's isn't a classic, but there's great reverence for it, you know, and it's really. You should have no reverence for that movie. It's a really, really piece of shit. All right, now let's cleanse our brains from this piece of shit. Play a little. Let's see. Let's play a snippet from the audiobook if, if we, if we could. This is something. You guys don't have kids, but it's one of these things where people think I'm. Can I make this plea to all of you?

[Brian Bishop]

Do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I am not concerned about my kids weight or their length or their time of birth. Same way I was sitting in the. No, but they do this thing where people go, she, you know, 6 pounds 2 ounces, born at 12:31am you know, 219 centimeters long.

[Brian Bishop]

2 hours and 41 minutes of labor.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And it's like, first off, please understand, all the people you've talked to about that are picturing a fucking snow globe with an interesting story in it somewhere and completely. Two tuned out. And if your kid is within the realm of normal, then you should shut the fuck up completely. If your kid was put in a shoebox. Yeah, you know, whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

There's some crazy story, by all means.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But if it's just in the realm of normal. Six pounds seven ounces and whatever gives. Fuck. And by the way, you're giving us the time. Oh, fascinating. Born in the afternoon. I had a cousin who was born about 2pm turn out to Be a brilliant, brilliant scientist. Like, here's how much I give a shit about that. I was standing in Kimmel's dressing room on Monday. I was in my dressing room with my son. And I was just standing there, and the guy came in, Ken, who does the pre interviews and the segment producer and all this kind of stuff. And he said to Sonny, Sonny standing there being sweet as he was. We should get that clip of him on Kimmel being all cute and everything from last night. Anyway, cute kid. And he was just sitting in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Star making performance, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

And Ken Crosby says, segment producer, nicest guy in the world, says, sonny, when's your birthday? And it's coming up, right? Because he'd read the book and he said, yeah, it's coming up in a few days. And he said, oh, okay. So that must make you a Gemini. And Sonny said, yep, I guess it does. And then for the first time in nine years, I thought, oh, I'm a Gemini. Oh, we're at the same sign. Why don't I think about these things? Don't give a fuck. Doesn't make a difference. This thing where all the time it happens to me, where it's like, come on, don't you care? Don't you care? Don't you care? Yes. About shit that matters.

[David Alan Greer]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

About shit that doesn't matter. No, I don't. But you don't even know how much they weigh. You're fucking right I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

What does it matter?

[Adam Carolla]

Today I have a thousand other things in my head that are much more important. And this doesn't affect. If it did, in fact affect them in one iota, I would know that information. I know the last four digits of my Social Security number because it affects me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I can't remember the address of the house I sold in Sherman Oaks. Well, don't you know the address of the house? No. Why? Doesn't factor in. All right.

[Gina Grad]

And by the way, it doesn't matter what your sign is, because the response, no matter what, will be.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's why I love when I'm signing autographs. Oh, a lefty. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I had a feeling. I had a feeling.

[Adam Carolla]

Go. Yes. You can tell everyone back at the methadone clinic that we share many of the same traits. All right. Anyway, they were born and they were completely healthy. Sunny was 6 pounds, 4 ounces. Natalia was 5 pounds, 12 ounces. I'm not going to pretend I know which one came out first. That pisses my wife off to no end. I got the quiz not too long ago. Which one was born first? Huh? Sunny? No, I don't know. And how far apart were they? I don't know. Two, three feet. This where everybody has to say what time and how much down to the ounce. My son was born 6lbs 9oz. 9:21am Then the date. Please understand, whoever you're talking to doesn't give a flying fuck that it was 9:21. That it makes zero fucking difference. It could be 9 in the evening, it could be 9 in the morning. Or you could just make a number up. It would not matter to the human being you're speaking. Nobody gives a fuck how much your kid weighed or what time it was shat out. Please stop telling everyone that.

[Gina Grad]

Daddy, stop talking.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go ahead and include the middle name with that one too. Little Kylie Marie Aniston Jenner.

[David Alan Greer]

That's a beautiful.

[Brian Bishop]

The kids get everything going for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in the book you do go on to the very important things that you should know if your child shares a birthday with him. Hitler. Feel free to include that in the conversation. Yes, I was. I didn't I get a birthday. Where's my. Do I have my Tony Kornhauser birthday thing?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, from pti?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, somebody tweeted me that on pti. Tony.

[Brian Bishop]

Tony's Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Tony's kind of a fan. I guess Michael isn't, but he might.

[Brian Bishop]

Not be in his demo.

[Adam Carolla]

Tony. Tony evidently has read all the books, so we'll play that.

[Brian Bishop]

Love this show every time, people.

[Adam Carolla]

Happy 51st birthday, Adam. Carolla Corolla is a very good comedian with a successful podcast. He got his start by training Jimmy Kimmel for a boxing match in the 90s. Well, Von, I would love to tell you about the time I met Adam Carolla at a Super bowl party at Jimmy Kimmel's house. But I would never name drop like that. For example, I would never say that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were there too. That's good to him. Cuz I couldn't pick out Adam Corolla.

[David Alan Greer]

If he was in a lineup with Crisscross.

[Adam Carolla]

There I am.

[David Alan Greer]

I would know who he is. No idea.

[Adam Carolla]

That's me. Is that you for real? That's me for real. Photobomb. For real for real is going down for real. Happy anniversary. Rodney McCray on this. Ah, Rodney McCrae. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

How about that?

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. Kevin Nean. Happy birthday to us. Kevin Nean is out there and I love this man. Don't we all love Nean?

[Brian Bishop]

He's lovable.

[Adam Carolla]

You know he loves elephants. What?

[Brian Bishop]

Gina didn't know about this?

[Adam Carolla]

Huh? What? It just makes me laugh.

[Gina Grad]

Well, damn it, I'm missing something.

[Brian Bishop]

One elf in particular.

[Adam Carolla]

Billy.

[Brian Bishop]

Was it Billy?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it was. He doesn't like the tusks being sold to the Asian country.

[Brian Bishop]

They're not men.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it cracks me up because I shouldn't laugh. I love Kevin. I love this guy. And I don't know if you've seen him do stand up.

[Gina Grad]

I have. Live. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking love this guy doing standup. But his Billy the Elephant thing always cracked me up. And the reason it cracks me up is because it underscore the human brain and the condition and how it works. Which is you have 60 seconds to talk about this thing. You don't realize 60 seconds is long enough for some uncomfortable pauses and to run out of steam and whatever. And when you're used to doing 60 minute sets, 60 seconds sounds like just a big fat zero, right? A blur. No reason to write a bunch of stuff down and rehearse and work all that stuff out. Out. No reason to do that. Oh, let's bring Nealan in. Can we do it? You want to take a break? All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll bring Nealan in right after this. And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew. On the Adam k. Dateline, Mobile, Alabama.

[Brian Bishop]

A 79 year old woman is facing.

[Adam Carolla]

A felony charge after allegedly shooting her grand nephew in the foot during an argument over $20. Definitely, definitely not a Jew. Back here with the great Kevin Nealon. Talk to him in one second. First, a little love for the aforementioned Uber. Like making money. How about you drive with Uber? Matt, my assistant, the porcelain punisher, he signed it up. Oh, he's ready to go.

[Brian Bishop]

To drive for Uber?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I said to him, you moonlighting on me, man? He said, no. There's weekends, sometimes after work here. How's it been going? It's been going great. I've done probably 15 or 20 rides.

[Brian Bishop]

Over the last two weeks driving all over town. It's been a great experience.

[Adam Carolla]

And the money just goes straight to my savings account.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Gina Grad]

Do you offer a bottle of water?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah, Candy water.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to go to Costco and get the mints.

[Brian Bishop]

But anyone who wants to sit in a cool air conditioned vehicle, roll toilet paper to go.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So parents, you can make a little extra money for the family. Students, make a little extra cash between classes. What the hell. Anyone who has free Yep. All you need is a car and a license. Start earning serious life changing. Do re me today. Sign up at Uber. That's right. Drivewithuber.com Drive with u b e r.com do it today. Drivewithuber.com Kevin Nealon is here. One of my favorites. Thank you, everybody.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

So nice.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

I was going to say I'm. You're going to be in Washington at the Tacoma Dome arena and you're going to be with Dana Carvey and Dennis Miller coming up. But there's one that's the I'm trying to think about Performing Arts center in Wentachi. And that'll be the 16th and the 7th. Now that won't be.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, that'll be the 6th.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Kevin Nealon]

Saturday.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the 6th. And then the 17th.

[Kevin Nealon]

17Th.

[Adam Carolla]

The dome is the dome. That's. Everyone loves Dana Carvey and thinks he's an amazing human being. Is that right? I don't know. I believe so.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I was just on the phone with him. It's his birthday today.

[Gina Grad]

60, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Is that right?

[Gina Grad]

I believe so.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Did Tony Kornheiser bring him up? Maybe not.

[Brian Bishop]

Michael Wilbon did. He's a big fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, where was I? Let's see. I'm sorry, but I was watching you. How was the reunion? How was the SNL reunion?

[Kevin Nealon]

40 year. It was epic on many different levels. I mean, it was. First of all, you didn't know what to expect going there. You know, I didn't, I didn't know it'd be such an event, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I was doing a gig in, in Vermont the night before and almost got snowed in. So I didn't make it down there. But I did make it down there. And I go in for rehearsal. I just have like one line to rehearse with Norm and Colin and Seth.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I'm sorry.

[Kevin Nealon]

For a Weekend Update.

[Adam Carolla]

Weekend Update. Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I go into one of the green rooms up on the ninth floor that overlooks the studio and Derek Jeter sitting on the couch. I'm with my 8 year old son.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And Larry David's sitting on another couch and Bob Odenkurt's on a chair and there's Sarah Palin sitting on another chair.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

And like everybody else, I said, hey, Tina. You know, I thought I was so clever, but everybody that came in the room said, hey, Tina.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And my son sat between her and the refrigerator on the floor on these coats and she was very nice to him. She kept asking him where he went to school and what kind of apps he's got on his iPad, and, you know, very, very nice. And at the end, I thought, you know, I wouldn't vote for her, but I would hire her as a babysitter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Probably be a little pricey, but all.

[Kevin Nealon]

In all, I think it was a great show. I mean, I was sitting in the audience for the first time. I never sat in the audience and watched the show there.

[Gina Grad]

And everyone was in tuxedos and ball gowns in the audience.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. To watch everywhere you looked. I mean, over my left shoulder, there's Keith Richards. Standing in front of me is Paul McCartney with his guitar ready to go on with Paul Simon behind him, and, you know, Eddie Murphy over there. And it was really quite an event. And then at the after party, my son asked if I get a picture with. With on Blank Gannon's name now. Quarterback for Peyton Manning. Yeah. And I said, sure. Okay. And he's pretty tall. It's Peyton Manning. He's about, you know, I'm six four. He must be at least six eight.

[Adam Carolla]

Big. No, but he's six five, six, six. I mean, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, I must be. I must be 6:1, then.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think I, I. Maybe it's just.

[Kevin Nealon]

Maybe he's just.

[Adam Carolla]

But I feel like you're tall, dude.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what it is? I can. I. And we'll get to the story. But I think as a tall guy, you're not used to seeing people that are your height or above. So when you run into a guy that's an inch and a half taller than you, you think he's 7 2.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're right. You're right. So I said, peyton, would you mind. We talked for a while first, and then I said, hey, Payton, would you.

[Adam Carolla]

Mind if I got a picture with you?

[Kevin Nealon]

And he goes, no, no problem. I gave somebody my phone, and they took it. And then he goes, eli, check out this picture. His brother Eli standing nearby. See if that picture's okay. Eli looks at it. Yeah, looks good. Half hour later, I go to text somebody. All of my. My. My fonts are in Chinese.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Everything.

[Kevin Nealon]

The whole phone is in Chinese. I mean, there's not even any English. So I can change it back. I can't follow any kind of direction.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't speak any Chinese at all?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't speak Chinese at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Not at all.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, chin.

[Adam Carolla]

Chin. Okay, that's. I know he spoke.

[Kevin Nealon]

I had a Chinese girlfriend for six months.

[Adam Carolla]

Understood. I did.

[Kevin Nealon]

So anyway, I see Peyton Manning in the middle of the Party later on, about a half hour later, and he's towering over everybody and he sees me and he holds up his fingers to his, his ears, goes, hey, Neyland, how's your phone? So I knew that Eli had messed with us. So I found Eli said, man, I hate the Giants. I hate. Fix this phone right now. But on the bright side, I have 10 new Chinese followers.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah. Full 10% of the country.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't do math that well, so.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, just going back a little bit. You're talking about six, five, by the way. Is he. He's driving for Uber now, is he? No, not pay Manny, but your guy over there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. And well, why not? Peyton Manning, he's got the whole off season.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, that is true.

[Brian Bishop]

Months to himself.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's true. But you know, I used to recommend people that were out of work. I say get a job at Starbucks because they got good insurance and all that. But now it's, it's Uber, Uber taking over. Get a job at Uber.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the easiest. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Most non committal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Serve cotton in there. Yeah, Take your two loves. So I'm sorry, what were you saying?

[Kevin Nealon]

So I was saying that it was a good, it was a good event. You know, it was a lot of fun. People were there. I saw, you know, past mayors from New York that deakins and you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Giuliani at a certain point does. I think these events have, have their own gravitational pull, which is once you find out that Peyton Manning is going to be there along with Eddie Murphy, then you're in because they're there. You know, it's like self perpetuating or something like that. Because everybody, except for Dennis Miller, everybody was there. Were there any. Besides Dennis Miller?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, there were some people missing. You know, Harry Shearer was not there. Oh, Christopher Guest, I did not see him. I did not see. Ben Stiller was not there.

[Adam Carolla]

Were there people that you were. Were. You're the nicest guy in the world. So nobody. You probably don't walk around.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's actually true. Actually, it's been documented. I'm the nicest guy in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

So you probably didn't. You know, most people tend to something like that and go, hmm, I don't want to run into. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Do you have any of that at all? I know a lot of people have it toward you, but I'm saying, do you have it toward anyone else?

[Kevin Nealon]

I know what you're saying. I don't really. I, you know, I even saw Al Sharpton there?

[Adam Carolla]

No, Reverend Al Sharpton.

[Kevin Nealon]

And you talk to these people like you know them because they're all there. I never met the guy in my life. I say, hey, Al, how's it going, man? How's the show? You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, how'd you lose the weight?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, how did he lose the weight?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know, but. But it was a fun night. It was a lot better than I thought it would be.

[Adam Carolla]

And so now, by the way, congratulations to. What is it? Stateful farm to pump you up. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Double check Aaron Rodgers. Not as tall as Peyton Manning, but.

[Adam Carolla]

That'S gotta be sweet. When Just sort of. I mean, as a performer, when the phone rings and somebody says, hey, they want to do this thing from back in the day and have. Do a national campaign and pay you pretty good for it, that's got to be just found money, right? I mean, that's just like. That's a good day for Kevin Nealon, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

It is found money, but it's quickly lost, I'll tell you that.

[Adam Carolla]

It is great.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, and you know Aaron Rodgers, you know, one of the better quarterbacks out there and to work with him. Here's a guy who was in high school when we were doing Hans and Franz.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit. Yeah. You know, we had to remind you of that shit, too, right? Yeah, but I mean, it's the kind of thing. Hans and Franz were done. What was the last date? I mean, I don't need the day. Probably 1995 or something. 1990. 1995. So 20 years later or close to 20 years later, when they contact you, it just kind of. Is it just from nowhere? I mean, is there any inkling? I mean, nothing.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nothing. Well, we knew that they were reviving some classic Saturday Night Live characters. You know, they did debears the year before.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right, right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then the Coneheads now, recently.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Oh, okay. So they're just going to. They're just going to.

[Brian Bishop]

They're going to Wayne's World next year.

[Adam Carolla]

Wayne and Garth, Is that right?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I'm guessing copy boy. Copy machine.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Boy. Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Double check a Rema.

[Adam Carolla]

Aaron seems like a pretty cool dude.

[Kevin Nealon]

He's a really nice guy. He's very quiet. I think I could take him.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Kevin Nealon]

I would have to blindside him. Take him down quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then have some people hold him down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. While he kicks.

[Kevin Nealon]

But, yeah, he was very nice. He warmed up as it kind of got through the day, you know, started talking about more personal things, and I didn't Know he was dating Olivia Mund.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Good looking couple.

[Kevin Nealon]

Good looking couple.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Striking features.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Should we listen to Kevin's elephant clip?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, please.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why do you always go to the elephant?

[Gina Grad]

Because I don't know what's happening.

[Brian Bishop]

Explain to Gina what's happening.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'll tell you what happens before you play it. Let me set it up.

[Brian Bishop]

I was talking to Kevin. Explain to you what's happening.

[Kevin Nealon]

Let me set it up. I always prepare for things. You know, I normally always prepare. They asked if I would come down and help out to get this elephant. By the way, every time you do this, I hear about it from people for, like, the next year. How's Billy the elephant?

[Brian Bishop]

How's Billy the elephant?

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we have to do it every year. So a year doesn't go by.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I'm gonna have to go out there and do something else embarrassing. So you could play that instead.

[David Alan Greer]

So.

[Kevin Nealon]

So they asked me if I would come down and help, you know, present an argument for city hall, city council.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Kevin Nealon]

To, you know, free Billy the elephant. Get him a bigger. At least get him a bigger environment at the LA cities there. And so the people that are going to be there is Robert Culp. Cher.

[Adam Carolla]

Forgot about this part.

[Kevin Nealon]

Who else? Couple other major celebrities.

[Gina Grad]

Big names.

[Kevin Nealon]

Big names in the animal world.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Such a animal activist.

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't know that either. All right, maybe they paid him.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so.

[Kevin Nealon]

So there was others down there, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I said, okay, I'll come down. And I was like the last. Oh, Lily Tomlin.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Who they had to drag off the podium. She had so much she needed to say about.

[Adam Carolla]

About Billy or another elephant.

[Kevin Nealon]

Billy the elephant.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Kevin said, I yield my time to Lily.

[David Alan Greer]

So.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I said to myself, I'm just going to really come from my heart and speak about, you know, the truth.

[Adam Carolla]

About Slash was there, too. That's what. That's right here. Bob Barker, of course. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

So they were all very prolific and articulate and eloquent and had so much to say.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're a guy who's used to doing 60 Minutes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Standing on hard to do, short amount of time.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It's harder. It's actually more. It's. It's sort of like. It's actually harder to throw a baseball than a soft ball.

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me about it.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't think that's a good analogy.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it requires so much more. It requires so much editing on the fly.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess so for a comedian. No, but it is like when they tell you, hey, you're doing Letterman or whatever, and you got to get your act down to a really tight four and a half minutes. It's harder when you're used to doing 20 minutes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. And you're worried about the time because you're used to an hour going by fast. So now we have all of our people there, pro animal, pro elephant, pro Billy.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there anyone speaking against Billy? Because I feel like I. I could be there for that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nobody's speaking against him, but people are speaking. We're speaking against the zoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Kevin Nealon]

And the other people are speaking for the zoo, and there's all kids there with signs. You know, they've been, you know, propaganda into the whole thing. Coached. Yeah. And there's all these people on the other side, and there's. Maybe it was like the Alamo. There was maybe, you know, eight of us, and the rest were all pro zoo.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I think I got up and I said, look, I like zoos, you know, but just give them enough room to.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we know what you said. We have a video.

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

So why even play it? And I just said what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's hear. I'm Kevin Nealon, and I am not.

[Kevin Nealon]

Anti zoo, but I am anti inadequate zoo. And I just want what's best for Billy the Elephant and not what's best for the LA Zoo. And it's. I just. I feel that, you know, if. If an elephant has a choice to go to a habitat or a sanctuary, like the one down, I'm sure that they would take that in one second. From the history that we understand about the LA County Zoo, it's not a great place for elephants. You look at all the elephants that have died there since 1975, and it's not good. So I'm. I'm in favor of moving Billy out of the zoo, as I think everybody should be. And I'm sorry that so many people are misguided with the exhibit. For the plans for the exhibit, still.

[Adam Carolla]

15 seconds ago.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why do you enjoy this?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you cut yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

Kevin faked a hamstring injury just now.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do you enjoy that so much? I don't know. I'll tell you why. You normally do.

[Kevin Nealon]

Let me analyze why you enjoy that so much. Because I'm so good at what I do and I'm so prepared.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, typically.

[Kevin Nealon]

And to see me. This is me slipping on a banana appeal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it is. It's. It's the pleasure I used to get when I used to find out Dr. Drew was sick. It just felt. It was ironic. It was funny. And it was that sort of thing.

[Brian Bishop]

With the person, you know, it'd be.

[Adam Carolla]

Like walking in and seeing Angelina Jolie on the. You know what I mean? Just up the whole bathroom, you know, and just going, oh, my God. Like, I.

[Brian Bishop]

You're Angelina Jo. You're Angelina Jolie. In this scenario.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. On the.

[Gina Grad]

That's a compliment.

[Adam Carolla]

So vulnerable in the position. You can't even picture that she has movements, much less in on her. Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Also, I was nervous speaking in front of the city council. That's not my crowd.

[Brian Bishop]

You saw your demo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

You know, but you were pro Billy. You sounded, you know, you care.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was pro Billy?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he didn't like the fact that the elephants had died there. No, that was bad. You know, I thought it was quite eloquent.

[Kevin Nealon]

Look, if I had another chance to go back.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you have 15 seconds left on the clock.

[Gina Grad]

How would you like to wrap this up?

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, less is more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep wanting more. Brevity, the soul of wit.

[Kevin Nealon]

Here's what I should have done the last 15 seconds. I should have done this.

[Adam Carolla]

Billy. Billy. Slow clap. All right. The great Kevin Nealon in Studio website kevinnealon.com I'm so happy for Kevin Nealon. I do believe we had this talk in the parking lot of Loveline many years ago when you were just going through a period, maybe after divorce or something like that, and you just. You weren't the Kevin Nealon we know. Is that right? And I think. I think so.

[Kevin Nealon]

This will be the second episode of me not being the Kevin Nealon, as you know.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. There was this part and I've seen it in a few. It's like I saw Darryl Hammond.

[Kevin Nealon]

I loved her in Clan of the Cave Bear. No splash.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw Daryl Hammond in New York when he was playing Caroline's last week and I was coming in after him, a lock box. He is one of the most talented people on the planet who is probably incredibly depressed. Tortured. He's tortured. He is a tortured dude. And. And I'm not even saying that in a pejorative way, but you wish you could say to like, Darrell Hammond, hey, snap out of it. You're funny as shit. You do a thousand voices. You're a ball of talent. You've got your health.

[Gina Grad]

Everybody loves you.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone loves you. Like, go love yourself. Right? Yeah, but he's very tortured that way. And I don't know. And you know what I'm talking about Is that just a wiring and is Kevin Nealon.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, you know, I've done several studies on Darrell, and it is his wiring.

[Adam Carolla]

Could you speak for about 44 seconds on it?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes. We did find that. First of all, I love Darrell.

[Brian Bishop]

He's not anti Darrell.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm pro Darrell. But there was some wiring that was misfiring in the lower cerebral left edge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

That we readjusted. And we think he'll be fine now.

[Adam Carolla]

And neon is not that pushing, but for that little moment in the parking lot, I think it's. Before you met your current wife, there was then had your child and all that good stuff. I think there was that moment.

[Kevin Nealon]

There was a window, a window of time. If anyone's ever gone through a divorce or breakup, depending on what phase of that divorce it is. The initial part is that's the window. When it's all coming down, you're thinking, what happened happen?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Kevin's had a really. I mean, let me try to. I'll get this straight. Is your dad worked for Sikorsky, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

He did, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they basically. Helicopters. They invented and made helicopters. Every helicopter. Sikorsky helicopter.

[Kevin Nealon]

Except for the UEs. And the bells.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, there's bell. But Sikorsky was first.

[Kevin Nealon]

Were they not Igor Sikorsky, I think was. Had a big part in it. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you come from this background.

[Kevin Nealon]

Leonardo da Vinci actually invented.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, but drawing shit and saying, that's true. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna draw a time machine on its cocktail Napkin. And then 300 years, when somebody invents it, I'll get credit for initially. You know, Adam Carolla initially drew a picture of it on a cocktail napkin. That's not the hard part in life.

[Brian Bishop]

You do that all the time. Like, they should have this.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Brian Bishop]

And then when it happens, someone tweets, you're like, I know everything's gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Kevin Nealon]

It would be great if Leonardo da Vinci had a cocktail napkin from back then.

[Brian Bishop]

We're not anti da Vinci, we're just anti. Inadequate.

[Kevin Nealon]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you went to college, played quarterback. You were a jock in high school. You found your way to humor. Had you had any of those sort of low moments in your life?

[Kevin Nealon]

Never.

[Adam Carolla]

You never did. You're very just Kevin Neely, straight on through.

[Kevin Nealon]

I came from a great family, a lot of love, encouragement, support, smart, loving, and never experienced the stuff a lot of these comics have gone through in life. I don't know that you've gone through that maybe a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. I don't have the typical comedic wiring, but I've. And I've not been through, you know, a bunch of. I've not been tortured or I'm not neurotic. I mean, I guess, I guess my, my thing is if I'm not being paid to do comedy, you're not going to hear me talking about comedy almost ever. It's always cars or complaining about something or some mechanical project. I got a lot more Sikorsky in me than David Spade. So I'm not one of these comedians who sits down and studies comedy. And I don't have that. My parents were horrible, but I don't have a towards. Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

So this was the first. That was really the first blow to me in my life where I got kind of hit. I took a hit on the side.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And is it weird? Because I've had these experiences and it makes you feel very vulnerable where you go at a certain stage in life, where you go, I'm 45 years old and, oh, my God, I'm just feeling this depression or this setback or this whatever and. And you think, aren't I supposed to be beyond this and have all this figured out by now? And isn't that supposed to be a bunch of teenage angst or my girlfriend broke up with me and I want to jump off a bridge or something.

[Brian Bishop]

But I should be an adult. What's up?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, now I'm an adult. I'm 45, and all of a sudden I feel like, vulnerable and depressed and fearful.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't think anybody doesn't think that in their life, no matter what they're doing, everybody's comparing and thinking, shouldn't I be at this point in my life by now? Shouldn't you know, I'm 35. Shouldn't I have a family by now?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Shouldn't I have three kids?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

I always thought that I would, by the time I was 24, I would be a doctor and have to white pick a fence and three kids.

[Gina Grad]

Wow. Ambitious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you want. Just so coming from where you come from, how do. Do you get into comedy or what draws you towards comedy?

[Kevin Nealon]

For me, I really like making people laugh. I like the misdirection of it. It's almost like a verbal trick, you know? And I like, I guess if I had to really get introspective, I like being acknowledged for being around and being recognized. I always felt kind of not appreciated in school. I was very quiet, and I don't think even people knew I was going to that school.

[Adam Carolla]

But you played ball for the school. Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Not in high school.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you had played in college, but not in high school. College.

[Kevin Nealon]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird thing, the guys that don't play high school and play.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I was 5, 8 when I graduated high school.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. And then I. I became 6, 4 in the next couple of years.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then I played soccer in college and rugby.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then I went to another college. I took a night course, I don't know if I ever told you this. In criminology.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

One night course. So I would qualify to play football for Fairfield University for their club football team. And a buddy of mine and I did that. We went to maybe two classes and we, you know, we played for the team and their starting quarterback got hurt, and so I stepped in and I became the quarterback.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Well, soccer at least, but no, no. High school ball. And then starting quarterback in college, we.

[Kevin Nealon]

Would play, like, sandlot football. We had the helmets and, you know, no refs, and we had really tough games. You know, we play almost like gangs.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah. People don't realize. They didn't. They didn't do that out here. They had just really rough tackle games, but nobody had their own equipment or anything. It was Pop Warner in high school. It's weird how it goes region. Like, some people played in junior high and I'm like, junior high. We had a team in junior high. Like, no play. I played Pop Warner when I was in the 8th grade, but didn't have anything to do with the school. Yeah. I was really. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Like seventh and eighth grade. You didn't play football for the school? For the junior high?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Middle school. 7th and 8th grade would have been like peewee and bantam at the Sun Valley Falcons or East Valley Trophies. Middle league.

[Brian Bishop]

I never heard of a middle school.

[Gina Grad]

I'm sure I'll hear about this with the windowless schools in Kansas, but there was. There were plenty of.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, everywhere else. I always wish, by the way, that the only thing I was good at was football. I was horrible at school. So what I would do is go be good at football and then go back to school. And as I had one fucking shot at chicks or recognition or anything, and that was football. But that had nothing to do with school.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Later on, when I got to high school, it was actually nice to combine the two, although it didn't translate into an ounce of pussy. Should we do a little. I know.

[Kevin Nealon]

They measured it in ounces.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we're on a standard. We're not on a metric. Is that what you're Saying, what is the average weight of a pussy in grams or ounces?

[Kevin Nealon]

Ounces.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, ounces. It's 11.2.

[Gina Grad]

He's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. Maybe it's minority. You want hymen or minus hyman?

[Kevin Nealon]

Minus hyman.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, minus hymen, 10.9. And that's a regional thing too, because they vary.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. But yeah, most guys go for the hyman. That's where they would go for the no hyman.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's no hyman because it would appear to be a weirdo.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Smart. Savvy.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Also, I'm trying. I'm trying to get rid of some of the weight around my house.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of dead weight.

[Kevin Nealon]

A lot of dead weight.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, should we do a little news? Gina Grad. Give me the news with grad News with Gino Grad. Show biz, congress, tech news, sports news, World news. Give me news with Gina Grad. Weird shit out of Florida. Sex servants. Obama need. News with Gina Gina the news with Gina Grad. Kevin signing what he thinks is my yearbook, but it's not. What is it? I don't have it. I never bought a yearbook my people sent. Somebody sent me my school's yearbook.

[Gina Grad]

Just scooted over.

[Adam Carolla]

They just sent it. Whose is it?

[Brian Bishop]

David Taylor.

[Adam Carolla]

David Taylor sent it to us.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that the name?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I didn't get, as I told you, letterman jackets and yearbooks and pictures and things like that were a little out of range.

[Gina Grad]

Little rich for the coral.

[Adam Carolla]

Qualified. Well, you would have needed two things for school pictures. Letterman jackets and. And photo albums and things like that. One is you would have needed money. And the second one is you would have needed to give a. Right. So that was oh for two. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Kevin's roaming the studio, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. He's just kind of Devil may care.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Kevin, have a seat. We'll do the news. We'll do the news.

[Gina Grad]

All right, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Is your back okay?

[Kevin Nealon]

My back's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Gina Grad]

I have a leave capsules.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Gina Grad]

Nope.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right.

[Gina Grad]

The July Vanity Fair cover is out, and it features Caitlyn Jenner, formerly Bruce Jenner, looking very feminine in sort of a white ensemble and long, flowing hair. Jenner, who says she has not undergone genital surgery, also revealed that she had a breast augmentation and underwent facial feminization surgery. Caitlyn's transition is being filmed by the E. Network. The film started filming started in May and is set to premiere on Sunday, July 26.

[Kevin Nealon]

Looks like she sent some work done. Am I Wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Some of that could just be airbrushing. I don't know if she's had any actual work done.

[Gina Grad]

All Photoshop.

[Adam Carolla]

It's hard to tell if people have had surgery, you know, procedures, or. We're just talking about good Photoshopping here. She may have had. Yeah. You know what? Her hair is a different color.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. There's highlights around the front.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you counting that as work?

[David Alan Greer]

No.

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Well, then maybe. No, maybe she's gonna.

[Kevin Nealon]

I can assure you, she will never have cellulite.

[Adam Carolla]

Kissed by the sun. Yeah, that's right. You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to take this Vanity Fair down to Guantanamo Bay, and I just like to go, hey, foul. We're cool with this. Greatest athlete in the world.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

And now we got this. Oh, yeah. Hey, hot chick, you want to spank off?

[David Alan Greer]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. And then at the end, go. Oh, let me show you a picture from before.

[Brian Bishop]

This person won a gold medal. You know what that is?

[Gina Grad]

You know, I personally. I personally think she looks a little like a cross between Stephanie Seymour and Rene Russo. But lots of people are saying she looks like Jessica Lange, which Jessica Lange takes as a huge compliment. What do you guys think?

[Adam Carolla]

Not really.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think a cross between Jessica Lange and Geena Davis.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, can I say this? Jessica Lange has to say, I take this as a huge compliment.

[Gina Grad]

She said, it's wonderful.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're right. It does look like her as we're looking at it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain. Wonderful. You be my daughter at age 23 and say to me, dad, I just got. I got the devil tattooed on one tit and an angel tattooed on the other tit.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, Dad, I got a devil tattooed on one tit and an angel tattooed on another tit.

[Adam Carolla]

Wonderful. Oh, that's the wonderful that was delivered.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

There is no woman alive that wants a former male to then be them and then announce that, hey, you know.

[Gina Grad]

Who you look like favors you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a little.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I watched the special. I'm sorry. I watched the special with my wife and my wife afterwards. How sweet she is. She said, you know what? If you ever decided you wanted a vagina, I would still stay with you. That's how much I love you. I said, what if I. That vagina was attached to another woman. Are we still in the same. Turns out she's not as sweet as.

[Adam Carolla]

That really talks to talk. Yeah, we were talking. Well, my wife and I watched it, too, about just Swapping, both of us. Just going for it, you know? But I was going to do the. You go first thing you know.

[Kevin Nealon]

She takes yours, you take hers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah? Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, this is how it feels.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. Yeah. Sweet.

[Kevin Nealon]

You had it better the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And by the way, you can go play some Zany's in Rochester. I'll stay home and eat sushi. How about that? Have fun with your dick at Zany's.

[Gina Grad]

I do have massive penis envy, and I really do envy that. That's all you people have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if it's massive penis envy, don't bring it around here.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, for me, you know, when it got down to the genital removal, I would really think hard about that. And when it came to it, I think maybe I would start with one testicle.

[Adam Carolla]

Take that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Pop that out. Keep it on ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember where you.

[Kevin Nealon]

You put it. Fresh ice every day. Maybe six months later, if you're okay, pop the other one out. Keep it. Keep them together for another six months on ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then, you know, when it comes to the. I would say tuck. Tuck for six months and see if you're happy with that look.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, tuck. Just tuck.

[Gina Grad]

It's called tuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Do you know what it's called when you don't do a very good tuck and you can still see the bulge?

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Gina Grad]

It's called a meaty tuck. I watch a lot of RuPaul's Drag Race.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's called a camel tuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oakland fans super pissed about that tuck rule, by the way. Don't bring that shit. Meaty tuck in front of an Oakland fan. Kick the shit out of you. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Charles Wilson caused that fumble.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you do the tuck and. Yeah. Get used to the tuck. Yeah, I agree.

[Gina Grad]

And did you know when you tuck, you actually put the testicles back up inside yourself? Like that's what drag queens actually do. They go back up inside.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, I thought you just put it between yourself.

[Gina Grad]

No, I went to a talking seminar.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I've been putting him in my asshole, so you. Either way, my face.

[Kevin Nealon]

So we have this picture on the COVID of Vanity Fair. How many pictures do you think they look through to get the right one? Like a model. Like a photo shoot with the. With the eye thing. You know, the loop.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Jeweler's loop. Yeah. All right. Well, God bless Ken is the great.

[Kevin Nealon]

By the way, I support him.

[Adam Carolla]

Her.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, I'm, you know, I'm all for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, listen, I think you would be drawn and quartered if you spoke out against. Wait Caitlyn. Sorry. At this point, interestingly, starting Kaitlyn with a C and not going with the K kind of. Also, I'm all for the name change. That is not Bruce Wayne arena, because normally it's always like, well, that's Larry, now I'm Laurie. You know what I mean? It's like, look, once you've committed to having the cock cut off, go ahead and commit to a new name. You don't have to start with the first letter, right? I don't think. True. You really don't need it. Your junk has been removed. Now pick a new name.

[Gina Grad]

She said she did do the C purposely. She did not want to be considered the K, the Kourtneys, the Khloe, the Kim, the whole Kardashian family. And she said she had two friends that she trusted. Make lists. And Caitlin appeared on both lists and wham, bam, there's a new name.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the stories I was telling on Kimmel last night, which you just can't really prepare yourself for it. I mean, I guess you couldn't. You can't anticipate it, but I've told it to you before, but it's in the book. So I was talking about on Kimmel, which is when I very first met Kimmel. One of my oldest douchebag friends, Ray Oldhoffer, has the brother named Ronnie, the other one named Ron, Rich. And the other one, he's Ray, of course. And there's Robert. And he has four brothers. They all have to start with the R. And I'm like, one of these guys. I'm just the atheist with no middle name who doesn't understand why anyone would do that. And I was like sitting with Jimmy, just going, can you believe what a dick my friend Ray's parents are? He's such a fucking dick. They're such idiots. These guys are idiots. Rich, Rob, Ray. And he went, well, I'll tell that to my father James, and my mom Joan, and my sister Jill, and my brother John and Katie and Kevin, my kids. That's what he said. And I was like, oh, fuck. What are the chances you're going to be sitting in front of that guy? I just met him. I didn't know we had a brother John and a sister Jill and Joan and James and Kevin and Kate. I didn't know. That's the worst.

[Kevin Nealon]

When you put your foot in your mouth like that. That happened to me a while ago. I can't remember what it was, but I said something to somebody, and as soon as I finished saying it, I knew That I made a mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

But I just kind of backtracked really quick, so. But not for you, though, you know, this doesn't pertain to you. I mean, I'm talking about like people that don't know better.

[Gina Grad]

But there's a way for the person that you're talking to to be gracious and not make you feel worse too.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

It's a two way street.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy doesn't have that trait.

[Gina Grad]

Does he bring it up from time to time?

[Adam Carolla]

I think he forgot about it. But I brought it up in this book because I'll never forget the fact that he rattled off seven people's names, including. He covered everything from. It wasn't just his brother and sister that his parents did, it was his parents initials and then his kids. It was much worse than just the old house for brothers.

[Kevin Nealon]

But that's the great thing about Jimmy, you know, he wouldn't not say anything because then, you know, he'd be hurt, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Something to kind of make fun of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like, you idiot. Yeah, like that. Yeah, it was. No, he said it in the best way a comedian could do it. He said, oh, that's interesting. I'll tell my mother Joan, and my father James and my sister Jill.

[Kevin Nealon]

As I smoke this J. I think.

[Adam Carolla]

It took me about five people before I started to catch on. All right, go through the whole family tree. Oh, wait a minute, there's a theme. There's a theme.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, at least it's not like George Foreman's kids.

[Adam Carolla]

George Georgina, you named them all Georgia or Bobby Brown.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, Bobby Christina.

[Adam Carolla]

He did like a bobbalina and stuff.

[Kevin Nealon]

Like Bobby Christina, she's still in a coma.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I feel like there is so much fucking news going on, like just all at once and simultaneously that I cannot keep track of. Had Brian Grazer in here yesterday and he was saying, well, you know the guy, he was talking about A Beautiful Mind. And that guy and his wife had a horrible, horrible. And I was like. And he's like, oh, yeah, everyone knows. And I was like, I've been traveling and on the east coast and back and forth. You don't get news on the East Coast. But I've just been so crazy and so traveling and in Indiana and everything. And he's telling me everyone knows about this. And I like, I do not know about that. And I don't know if Bobby is in the coma. I don't even know if Terri Schiavo's still alive.

[Brian Bishop]

Our news is disposable so much these days. We forget about whoever's not front of mind.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. From what I understand, she's still alive and she's still in a coma.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think more people are interested in what's going on in the latest hot TV show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Sad, sad on Game of Thrones.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, you want to talk Game of Thrones?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I want to talk legal. LegalZoom want to be a famous entrepreneur? You want to help innovators? Launch your dream, baby. Launch it at LegalZoom this month. LegalZoom.com is where you go. They have a limited time. You can get a special savings on trademarks and copyrights and provisional patent applications. All the good stuff you need. When you have an idea, an invention, you're going to start your own business, even help you get. If you have a great idea, they'll help you get it off the ground. Not a law firm. So you can get advice from a network of independent attorneys in most states. And don't forget to enter Adam at the referral box because they'll show you a little more love. Look, attorneys are expensive. LegalZoom. Great prices. LegalZoom.com you go there for all the help you need. It's legalzoom.com legal help is here. All right, let's do another one.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Well, comedian and actor Tracy Morgan gave his first television interview Monday morning on the Today show. And it was pretty emotional. Nearly a year ago, Morgan was involved in a deadly car accident that almost took his life and did take the life of his friend James McNair. The comedian suffered severe brain injuries, but made a recovery and is now able to give public interviews. Here's a clip of Matt Lauer asking Tracy whether or not he plans on going back to comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

See?

[Kevin Nealon]

Can you want to get back to performing?

[David Alan Greer]

I love comedy. I love comedy. I'll never stop loving her. I love comedy and I can't wait back to get back to her. But right now, my goal is just to heal and get better because I'm not 100% yet. I'm not. And when I'm there, you'll know it. I'll get back to making you laugh, I promise you.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Gary, get to tell Matt. You know, I talked to Tracy four or five months ago, six months ago. I don't know what it was. I was talking to Jimmy. Oh, shit. I don't know what it was. But anyway, I thought, try being a human being for 10 minutes to see how it feels. So I called up Tracy Morgan just to see how he was doing. How'd you get his number? I. I called his publicist, who used to be my publicist. Probably didn't end on the greatest terms, unfortunately, and found out, you know, I just said, look, I'm not trying to put him on the air or get an interview from him or anything. I just. One human to another, I don't consider myself his best friend, but I consider friendly. And, you know, he's been through a pretty tragic situation. I just want to call and see how he's doing.

[Kevin Nealon]

I should do that, too. That seems like a good thing to do.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll do that with Billy the Elephant, because we don't.

[Kevin Nealon]

But you know what? I'm already nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. You couldn't get any nicer. No, let's not add saccharin to powdered sugar.

[Kevin Nealon]

So you talked to him?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and I was right. Just walking these halls here, and I just called him up, and he picked up the phone and started talking to him, and he was crying on the phone. Like it meant a lot to him that people had been calling. And I got a call just wanting to. He was pretty. Well, he was crying because Neyland hasn't called. Yeah, he said he thought you guys were tight, but anyway.

[Kevin Nealon]

But he sounded okay.

[Adam Carolla]

He was, you know, emotionally upset. Well, and this was about four months ago, so he's, you know, halfway into his recovery, rehab, whatever. But we talked for, like, good half hour, and he was a real sweetheart, and we had a nice. Just, hey, one human to the next. We didn't talk about comedy or future careers or, hey, come on. The podcast, when you're feeling up to it or anything like that. And of course, there's a part of me that went, oh, I bet people love to hear his voice on this podcast. But I didn't want to get into it because I wanted to give him a space to recover. But, geez, that was November. It was a while ago. So tell me, Matt, now that Tracy is up and making the rounds, let's give him a buzz and see if we can't get him to.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, because he should. Because you were nice enough to call him. He owes you.

[Adam Carolla]

He owes me big time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, let's have him back over and get him in his Uber and bring him over here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's pretty. Pretty far up the east coast, but I think we could give him a call and see if we could call in and have a little discussion with him about that. So I'll put that on the calendar and we'll see what we can do.

[Kevin Nealon]

How long do you think it'll be before he gets back to.

[Adam Carolla]

He sounded pretty lucid right there. I don't.

[Gina Grad]

But a heavy heart.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if. Well, first off, it's not like he's going to go out and perform and people are going to be walking out going. He's a little off his game. Yeah. You know, I mean, he. Most of the stuff landed, but there wasn't a few minutes in the center when it started to drag a little bit. Yeah, he's definitely punched up that whole bus story like something's on his mind.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he seems distracted. So he. First off, he. So the question is, it takes years to put together a 90 minute act. How much of that is still left in his head? He may have forgotten a lot of it or not have a command of it.

[Gina Grad]

Full access.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Number one. Number two, too. He doesn't really need to go out and do stand up in quotes. He can go out and be inspirational. I mean, he could probably make more money doing a sort of inspirational circuit just speaking at colleges and businesses and things like that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, a lot of times after something like this, a comedian like that could become a reverend because you're very insightful and you're thinking about life, life and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, all that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Reverend Tracy Morgan.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. Yeah, yeah. So he could go out and do whatever he wants and. And if I were him, I would turn my, you know, quote unquote, stand up into an evening with, you know, that sort of pull up the stool like the old blues singer and tell some stories and some jokes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, but don't have to do that rat a tat, tat joke thing. That's. Yeah. Well, from here on, mold your career after Bill. Just whatever trajectory, whatever path. That's the cause.

[Kevin Nealon]

Now Bill Cosby's still performing. How much of his act does he devote to the accusations, I wonder?

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta guess it's less than 30%.

[Gina Grad]

I wouldn't think any. Unless it's heckled at him, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I know you've heard a lot of things. It seems. Well, first off, it seems almost impossible as a comedian not to address whatever everyone is addressing.

[Gina Grad]

It's topical.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Number one. So the point is, every other comedian is doing Bill Cosby material except for Bill Cosby, I reckon. And you're like, why is he out on the road? I think it's because his wife's at home. That's the way I'm looking at it.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think it's his way of Fighting it, too, to show that I'm not changing my lifestyle.

[Gina Grad]

He's not hiding in the shadows.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm going to continue to do my work.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But I agree with that. But I also. People underestimate the personal factor here quite a bit, which is if I was charged with roofing North America and fucking it, and a baker's dozen of chicks came out every other day with Gloria Allred and had a press conference, I wouldn't want to be sitting next to my wife watching the, you know, every. Every time you're watching the news and it's like. And coming up, it'd just be like.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a great SNL sketch with Daryl Hammond where he's Bill Clinton and he's sitting next to Hillary Clinton and they're watching the news. Like, hey, Monica Lyncy to click as I go. Linda Tripp click like he throws the remote across the room.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I would want to be on the road or I would put my wife on the road. Oh, better. And I would stay home. Much better idea. But she probably doesn't draw as well. I wouldn't always hear what you had to say.

[Kevin Nealon]

I always thought a good special, like for HBO or something would be the wives and girlfriends of comedians doing their act. What they remember of it, you know, how they kind of transpose it and because they remember certain points, but they don't really get the jokes right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, and they kind of bob and weave like I think you do, and.

[Adam Carolla]

And they do a very insulting version of.

[Gina Grad]

We get Lynette on board for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, she could do. She could. Definitely. I'd listen. I'd like to teach her the entire sell.

[Brian Bishop]

It's her, like, Gallagher, too.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, what else we got?

[Gina Grad]

Well, CNN reports that Pizza Hut is getting rid of artificial ingredients from its pizzas. The restaurant chain's corporate parent, Yum Brands, said all artificial colors and flavors will be removed from pizzas by the end of July. And Taco Bell will follow suit by removing artificial colors, flavors, and trans fats by the end of the year. Pizza Hut CEO David Gibbs said it was in response to customer demand. Yeah, kids don't want that.

[Kevin Nealon]

They're going to be in black and white now. The whole store.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yum Brand must come out of some part of Asia.

[Brian Bishop]

PepsiCo owned all those companies. Pizza Hut and Taco Bell and all that stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird that the Yum brand. I feel like it was translation or something.

[Gina Grad]

Well, there's a. There's a Korean Fast food place in K town called, like, Jollibee.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And their food is, like, the Yum chicken.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Gina Grad]

And so maybe it's just all part of that.

[Adam Carolla]

I know me and. Me and Jimmy were crispy Yum Burger. Back in our heyday, after a long day of morning radio, we decided to hit the batting cage. Because, you know when you knock off at work at 11:45 on a Wednesday and you're just fucking sitting around with your jack off, buddy, it's like, let's go to the batting cage.

[Brian Bishop]

Where was your batting cage?

[Adam Carolla]

So we went to the batting cage and we hit a few balls and then we went into the arcade and there was a game called Violence Fight. And we both looked at it and went, that's one of those things that. It's out of Asia. And somebody went, this is a perfect name for a combat video game in America. Violence and fight.

[Brian Bishop]

The literal translation, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Violence Fight. Yeah. So I think maybe Yum Brand is doing something like that. Or World's Laziest. Like, CEO, board of directors or whatever. Like, what shall we name this company? Yum Yum Yum what? Yum Yum Brand short for Yummy. Oh, there's violent. I got the video game Violence Shirtless.

[Kevin Nealon]

You really can't fight without being violent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I'm. That's what. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Mm.

[Gina Grad]

By the way, in Santa Monica, there's a Chinese restaurant called Tasty Goody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Can I ask for Brothel too? Can I?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Created 97 after PepsiCo spun off its fast food division. Huh. I guess PepsiCo.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry, can I ask you something about that? I've felt very strongly about this before, and I wonder if you do too. I feel like if you're coming from a different country where you don't speak the language, you pull yourself up by the bootstraps, you're starting a business which is incredibly risky and scary. You get your recipes right, you get your business right. You do all that and you don't bother to ask one English speaker, hey, is Tasty Goody a good name?

[Adam Carolla]

I. Well, first off, it should be sandal straps. If you're coming here from another country.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't think that the owners of that restaurant are Asian.

[Gina Grad]

Really?

[Kevin Nealon]

It sounds like it's like a Caucasian couple thinking of a name, like, for Chinese name.

[Gina Grad]

Will it work? Because I'm talking about it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Tasty Goody.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this is diabolical, which is super hipsters who live in Venice trying to go full authentic. And when you Go. Full authentic. You know, when you name it the, you know, Blue Dragon or something like that, to people go. Sounds like a bunch of gooey sauce. It's bright orange and all that kind of shit. But when you fuck up the name, they. They go, those people fresh off the boat.

[Brian Bishop]

We're so focused on fresh food, we don't bother worry about the name.

[Adam Carolla]

Not even that we don't speak. This is so authentic. Mama San came here with a wok on her head. It was still hot. And we don't walk a walk. I don't know. The point is this. She didn't walk here with a walk on her head. The point is, like, we're so far into our culture and so deep and so removed from America version of this food, it's so authentic, we can't even name it correctly.

[Gina Grad]

That's a really great idea because, do you know. I don't know, Neal.

[Adam Carolla]

It's right. Well.

[Gina Grad]

And I don't know what the significance is, but everything in K town is tomato. There's a bridal gown place called Tomato Wedding. There's Tomato Bank. So maybe it's all part of the conspiracy.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Just to be. That's Korea, not where the Jews are.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Just wanted to make sure. Well, those people are, you know, are on different coast, and they don't know.

[Gina Grad]

Understood.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a Jewish district as well. I just want to know. I just want to get the nomenclature right.

[Brian Bishop]

Also called K town unofficially.

[Gina Grad]

How dare you?

[Adam Carolla]

Just want to make sure. Yeah. All right.

[Gina Grad]

Well, according to a new study from Harvard University, an orgasm a day can lower a man's risk of prostate cancer. Researchers found that guys who have at least 21 orgasms a month cut their risk of prostate cancer by 22%. And while the scientists behind the study. It can't really be, sir. Why orgasms reduce prostate cancer. Some think it's because it's getting rid of cancer causing chemicals, old cells. It's coming out of the system. It's cleaning out the plumbing.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we tip scientists? You know what I mean? Like, you know, there's certain surveys, appreciation. Well, like, you know, the guys. It turns out a couple glasses of red wine at night turns out to be good. I like to just swing by the lab. I do a move like a Sinatra handshake. You're doing a great job. Like I was in the mafia the night of a $20 in there. All right, so beating off twice a day. Okay, here we go. Whose idea was that? Who did the whole thing where red meat turned out to Be good for you. Who's that guy? Who's that? We're fine. Okay. It's great seeing. It's that Mafia again. It's that weird sort of. Glad to see it. Good to know.

[Gina Grad]

Over the knuckle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good to see you. Keep up the good work.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love the whole tipping world and the proper way to do it. The whole Vegas tipping world thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, I did it.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw Baby Doll Dixon do it at Strip. Say, I just got back from New York and went to scores. No, no, it was the Strip. The Strip. Sorry. New. New take. New I. But here's what I tell answer. Riddle me this, everybody. I never know whether to take tip at the stake joint at the Mater d when the place is not full. Like, there's plenty of times when the place is half empty.

[Kevin Nealon]

Gives you a good seat.

[Adam Carolla]

You've called in and said, you know, I need. But there are five open booths. It's not like they kicked somebody out. Did that, you know, move from Goodfell's where they brought the table right. Right in front of Henny Youngman? They just. It was there. Anyway, the guy just walked with you over to the thing. The Strip house. Sorry.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. In that case, what time was it approximately? Because if it's 6:40pm they got those. Those tables have reservations. If it's 8:10pm those tables are not getting filled.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I have. I've been to restaurants, and I'm thinking of one steakhouse in. In. In general where it's like, they've had good times, they've had bad times. There's been times when it's been real gangbusters and it's a little bit leaner now. And so you call in, you make a reservation for seven, and they go, go right ahead. Also, tell me this one. I told. I had my assistant, Matt, the porcelain Punisher Finaleer, make the reservation for me. But I said, drop my name. So maybe I think they like me over there. It's Morton's. I go, drop my name, because the guys at Morton's like me. I eat there a lot. I bring my family there a lot. So he goes. So I'm standing next to him, and he just calls up and he goes, like, to make a reservation for seven. Anything open for seven. Okay. All right. And then he hangs up. And there was. But I said, matt, you got drop. I thought you're gonna drop my name. And he said, I was gonna do it after. And I said, well, that makes me a douchebag, right, by the way.

[Gina Grad]

Well, is There something open for Adam Corolla?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Nothing open. Huh. Let me, I got a little rib ch. Spreader named Adam Carolla. Maybe now something's open.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Kevin Nealon]

Brian, you are seem to be an expert on tipping. Okay, let's say I have five big bags and they're brought up to my room by the bellman. Does he deserve a tip?

[Brian Bishop]

Absolutely. Are they brought up on the cart? Yeah, of course. Yeah, absolutely does.

[Kevin Nealon]

And also bringing them back down as well?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, he does.

[Adam Carolla]

And let's say Kevin's riding him, physically mounted him. Is that still or still a tip or just having a celebrity ride?

[Kevin Nealon]

I like the expert tippers. Well, they, they will come right up to you and grab your left hand, pull your hand to them and put the money in your hand and close it. Give me a nice dipple.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I'm, I'm too self conscious for that. But I. So when, so Baby Doll, when we went into the steak joint, which was hopping by the way, gave the chicken.

[Brian Bishop]

And I said okay, was half full.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, the steak joint with Baby doll was hopping.

[Brian Bishop]

You just said Baby Doll just now.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, that when we went with Baby Doll to the steak joint, it was hopping. Okay, the place I'm talking about Morton's.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Not, not as busy. So my point is, is there's the presumption that we made room for you.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Versus we would have. That booth was empty anyway. Do you still give the Matrix D the tip?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I don't think you do. But aren't we just.

[Brian Bishop]

Unless it's 6:40, you know what I'm saying? And it's Friday night, those are going to be taken in about 7, 7:30 reservations even then.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you made the reservation. Oh, you had a reservation. No, the place is half full. But then now aren't we just kind of kicking a guy when he's down a little bit?

[Gina Grad]

Like if he's down. Well, made her D at a nice rest.

[Adam Carolla]

The business is down. He's not getting what is got.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you got a reservation. I don't see what the need is for a tip.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but then the place that's hopping and you got the good looking chick who's 23 and she's walking to the table, she's fucking the bell of the ball already. Like does she really need that?

[Kevin Nealon]

All right, I went to get a mani ped with my wife. I did this once a year and you know, I don't know who to tip there because there's one Person, you know, up on your shoulders, walking on your shoulders, you know, getting a massage, and there's another one doing your toes and the other one doing your feet and your fingers.

[Adam Carolla]

Back to K town again. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And at the end, I go to.

[David Alan Greer]

My wife who gets what.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know who. She goes, okay, you give those two $10 each. She gets $20.

[David Alan Greer]

What?

[Kevin Nealon]

And they're all looking at you, you know, like they're up in the trees. They're waiting for a tip to come. It was $10 each.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Kevin Nealon]

And, you know, and I love. I love the surprise, like, acknowledgement when you give it to them, even though they've been watching and waiting, you know, like their monkey, you know, waiting for a handout. I'm not saying they're a monkey, but I'm saying that you said monkey.

[Adam Carolla]

Elephants and monkeys as monkeys look for.

[Kevin Nealon]

Like, peanuts to be thrown.

[Adam Carolla]

Peanuts, yeah. Right. Or.

[Kevin Nealon]

Or, you know, just anybody who's, like, looking for something that they know they deserve, so, you know, you give it to them, and then there's that fake. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah. They better change the subject.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and if you've ever noticed, you.

[Adam Carolla]

If you.

[Gina Grad]

If you hand out the money individually, all the tip money goes to the same drawer. Like, they hand it to the main lady, and then she socks it away.

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't know that.

[Gina Grad]

That happens a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, also with the town cars back and forth with the airport and the professional cars, the guys who pick you up, and the Escalades and all that kind of stuff. Mike August just says to the guy, is the tip included? Because it is included. Just like it's included in. In the. On the. On the. The room service menu.

[Brian Bishop]

If. If you're. If Spike's paying for it.

[Adam Carolla]

And there.

[Brian Bishop]

There's to and from the airport for upfronts, that's on them. If he's doing something over and above, like driving you through McDonald's, maybe. But if you hired him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you tip included. All right. But still, the tip, I hate.

[Brian Bishop]

If you hired him, then that might be on you. You know what I'm saying? August hired him. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right, let me just backtrack here. Did not call anybody a monkey.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, Just Asian.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, I never said Asian.

[Adam Carolla]

I heard Mani Petty, and I was liking it.

[Kevin Nealon]

To a monkey looking at a tourist area looking for a peanut to be thrown.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you and Howard Cosel can enjoy the same career.

[Kevin Nealon]

And if there's any misconception, I apologize.

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't you stop talking? Hey, listen, State farm guys. I can easily jump into that big sweatsuit, put on the wig, and here's Franz right here. That's right. Let me pump you up. All right, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Kevin, you're on.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a similarly frustrating one while I was in New York at my hotel. The room service thing said that there's a service charge included, but it was very specific to note that none of that would be going to the person who delivered it to your room. So it's basically like the included tip. But they shame you on the menu saying if you don't tip this person who's making $7 an hour, they're not getting any cash. I say the same goddamn thing that I say to my wife when it comes to getting the massage over at Burke Williams, where it's like you get the 50 minute massage, it's $130 and then they go, you gotta tip them. And I go, why? And they go, that. That's all they make. That's all they get paid. Like they don't. They don't see any of that money. And it's like they're getting paid like Mark Garrigos. How about you break off a little fucking pieces. Give it to the person that's doing all the rubbing. Well look, it's very convenient. Like that's what I should do. Hey, Nealon, I don't pay anyone here, so it'd be nice if on your way out, just pressing the buttons, shake these guys hands. Dawson doesn't get paid. Gary, Nobody. I choose not to pay anyone. This is how they make their money, through tips. Yeah, you're getting over $100 an hour. Do what other businesses do, which is back out some of that to the person who was payroll, who has the GED and is not fucking trained. You would not trust to walk your dog, but can do this. Give them $30 an hour, they would be more than happy with that. This notion of, well, we don't. Yeah, we don't pay them. You have a hotel, you charge $31 for a Reuben sandwich, back out $5 and give it to the fucking guy who brought it to my room. How about that?

[Gina Grad]

And to add insult to injury, oh, we don't accept tip on the card. It has to be cash.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we don't. And we don't. It's great. It's the greatest thing ever. You charge 30 bucks for fucking club sandwich and then you announce, yeah, but we don't pay. But we do charge for him to bring it to the room service charge.

[Brian Bishop]

Not for the guy who provides a service.

[Kevin Nealon]

There's a lot of charges on there. There's a delivery charge, service charge, tax, you know, city tax, you know, it's like five different charges. I think for a cookie.

[Adam Carolla]

Lifelock Ultimate. This is something I don't mind paying for. LifeLock Ultimate+LifeLock.com. let's not put the identity at risk. I have this for my kids. Nealon. You gotta get this.

[Kevin Nealon]

I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good. Well, smart. You get it for the wife, you get it for the kid, you get it for everyone. If you use public WI fi, they can be on to you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Sorry, I was thinking of.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yale lock. That's a combination lock.

[Adam Carolla]

Different.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a pretty big company. You do what I did, you get LifeLock Ultimate Plus. You do it for your family and Social Security number, banks, retirement accounts, credit cards, even home equity. Man, they can go after everything. These guys, they steal. They steal from their own bathrobes and their own homes while they're just hacking into everything you own. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor transactions at every every business. But enroll with Lifelock and you can do it in minutes. And your protection is going to start the second you enroll. Dawson. LifeLock. Visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership. That's promo code [e-mail] to get a special 10% discount. LifeLock.com. all right, let's see. Let's do one more. What do we got?

[Gina Grad]

All right. Well, the long awaited sequel to director Richard Linkletter's classic 1993 stoner cult film Dazed and Confused will be titled after Van Halen's Everybody wants Some. Test screenings are already underway for the film set in the world of 1980 college life.

[Brian Bishop]

It's done it.

[Gina Grad]

The near finished. Let me finish the near. The near finished Paramount Picture film is due in theaters this fall.

[Brian Bishop]

Do we know if a star's original cast?

[Gina Grad]

It doesn't. I. I actually looked up the cast and I honestly, I haven't heard of any of them. So I think it's a new crop.

[Brian Bishop]

Richard Linklater does that. He did Boyhood obviously over the 12 years and he did Before Midnight, before sunset, before sunrise, Before Midnight. The same actors, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. And that's kind of an interesting.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, but then how would you. How would you do that? Same cast just going into college.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't think they'd be adults at this point.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. So I'm gonna check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

He should have put another six months into boyhood to making it or to filming it. Make it better. Something. Editing. Another six months, editing, snipping.

[Kevin Nealon]

He should have done his whole life, you know, everybody until they were just about dead and then released it.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like he almost killed me with that fucking movie. I really hated that movie. I mean, other than the super interesting or novel part of doing it over the one kid's 12 years. Other than that, it was just a piece of shit. I just couldn't stand it.

[Gina Grad]

It's on a lot right now on.

[Adam Carolla]

Cable, by the way.

[Gina Grad]

So I've been checking it out at different points.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep. It is funny. I have this. I have this thing going with my wife all the time where I'm just like, watch the first 20 minutes and tell me what the fuck this movie's about or whether you give a shit. And she's like, no. And I'm like, watch it. It's so fucking horrible. And she's like, you're making me trying to. Yeah. I should work another angle. Yeah. Is this milk bad?

[Brian Bishop]

You're gonna love it.

[Adam Carolla]

I just felt like. I really felt like it was Emperor's New Clothes. Like, I just didn't feel like anything was going on. I think it was a lot of, like, hanging out with dad and a lot of. And I know it's a slice of life, but make it an interesting slice of life.

[Brian Bishop]

Light on plot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was worried that someone was gonna die the whole time. Someone's gonna get into a car accident.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, they're throwing the blade and stuff. Like, oh, something bad's gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

I was worried that something interesting was gonna happen and that luckily your fear was never broke out. And then it just kind of ended. He just went up the Vasquez rocks and sat there and a chick walked up to him when. How's it going? And it's like, cut, cut the fade to black.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you don't need to see it now.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then they cut to him at the awards, sitting at the table. I think, oh, we're continuing with the story here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that fucking movie sucks. And like I said, Brian Grazer in here, so go ahead and watch Parenthood if you'd like to see.

[Brian Bishop]

It's great.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's probably better now that you have kids.

[Adam Carolla]

I loved it when I was 26 and. And I love it now. And if you want to see a movie that was just well put together, that's. That has A rhythm that has comedy, that has some pathos, that has some real hit, some real true notes and.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything funny and poignant.

[Adam Carolla]

Watch that.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, boy. Yeah. But it was also the movie that no one could say anything bad about. So everyone just kind of bit there. I don't know, a little miss sunshine of 2015 or something where everyone had to go, oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, I got it. No, super funny, but just be. And it was fucking long.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it was almost 3 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe not long for a 12 year.

[Kevin Nealon]

Movie, but anything that ends with hood is long. Boyhood, parenthood.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point.

[Kevin Nealon]

Boys in the hood.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Gina Grad]

I'm Gina Grad and that's the news. I got a devil tattooed on one tit and an angel tattooed on another tit.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Gina Grad. DraftKings, baby. DraftKings.com Neyland's up on his horse again.

[Gina Grad]

Going back to the yearbook on his elephant.

[Adam Carolla]

Tiger in a cage. Cage tigers pacing back and forth, looking at my yearbook. DraftKings, man, baseball's back. You want to get part of the. Get in on the action. DraftKings.com Official Daily Fantasy Partner of major League baseball. Daily fantasy means no long term commitments. No, just instant cash, instant gratification. Why wait until the end of the season to get paid? How about you just do it every week you pick or every day take a couple of pitchers, eight position players and pick up your cash. It's DraftKings. Pete from Colorado last year won a million bucks in one day. It's DraftKings. DraftKings. Dawson. Hurry to DraftKings.com now and use promo code Adam to play for free in today's ten thousand dollar fantasy baseball contest. DraftKings.com official partner of Major League baseball. Enter Adam for free entry [e-mail] that's DraftKings.com all right. My movie road. Hard to see that. Oh, you should. You're a comedian.

[Kevin Nealon]

I wanted to see it when it was aired at the improv, but I was out of town working on the road.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think you should now go to itunes or when will it be?

[Kevin Nealon]

Back at the Improv.

[Adam Carolla]

Simply go to your computer, Kevin Nealon and our VOD video on demand and watch if you like. Also the Paul Newman documentary. I know you want to see life of Paul Newman. Yeah, yeah. So watch that as well.

[Kevin Nealon]

You have to pay his estate money. You have to tip his estate.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Folded up bill in their head.

[Adam Carolla]

No, hold on. You can turn the music down for a second. You really. You don't even have to ask permission. You have to. The person that owns the picture of Tom Cruise and Paul Newman leaning against the race car is the person you need to get the clearance from, not the celebrities. So when you make a documentary and you can use clips of Cool Hand Luke or whatever you want, you just have to mention it. You have to give it a context. And you can't do what I originally wanted to do, which is show the entire portion of Cool Hand Luke just beginning, beginning again.

[Brian Bishop]

First act.

[Adam Carolla]

Just use that. I was going to show the whole movie and follow that out with Butch Cassing as the kid. It's my latest doc, you know what I mean? But they said, no, you have to limit it to like 18 seconds or something. I was like, wow, movie's two hours long. It's never going to work. Yeah. Then I thought, well, can I cobble together 18 seconds at a time? The guy had a 60 year career. You know what I mean? Take every one of his movies and just take 18 seconds. Yeah, we can add the sting so we can get 90 minutes out of that. We came up short with that, too, so I decided to make a documentary about his driving.

[Kevin Nealon]

I've got a trivia question for you. Let's see how smart you are.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I don't think trivia has to do with intellect, but go ahead.

[Kevin Nealon]

What does the date March 9, 2006 mean to you?

[Adam Carolla]

March 9, 2006.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we're on Newman, but Newman died in eight, I believe.

[Brian Bishop]

2008.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I will tell you, it has.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nothing to do with Newman.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'm going a different direction.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we're just going a different. We're just completely.

[Kevin Nealon]

I lost interest in the Newman thing. That's why I'm changing the subject.

[Brian Bishop]

This documentary's gonna be a tough one for you, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the day Billy the Elephant dies.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's the day we started the documentary on Billy the Elephant.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna say it's the. Can I get a guess?

[Kevin Nealon]

Ninth. 2006. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna say it's the first day you made an appearance on the Adam Corolla show.

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn. What is it?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, this is something I learned while I was walking through your museum out there. It was proclaimed Adam Carolla Day in Las Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it was?

[Gina Grad]

How is that not on the tip of your tongue?

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of fun. We were doing the live show I.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn'T even that those things to me don't register at all. Like the stuff where people give me stuff. Just hear what's.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's proclaimed by either the manager. Yeah, there it is. By the mayor or the manager of the Palms Hotel.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, one more time, you can just get Matt Fondelier and my correspondence with Lee, our publicist in New York, when he asked if I want to take a picture next to the Stanley cup or whatever it is, and you get a pretty good idea of where I'm at.

[Gina Grad]

So you wouldn't consider March 9th an achievement day? Because that was just.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even. To me, first off, that's just something. First off, they've probably given that to people that have killed multiple people. Probably, for sure. Statistically invested Vegas, for sure. And secondly, they just did it because I was doing my radio show over there for a day.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't think so. Every calendar I get and put on my wall, it has Adam Carolla Day as March 9th. It's already printed on there.

[Gina Grad]

It's printed already on my.

[Kevin Nealon]

Washington's birthday. Adam Carolla Day in Las Vegas doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Well, here it is. We'll be a little repetitive, but, Gary, you can read the email that Lee inquired from. Lee, I have an opportunity for Adam to see and hold the Larry o' Brien championship trophy while he's here in. In New York at the end of May. It'd be a photo op. Would he be interested? Spoke to Adam and he says, I have zero interest in holding other people's trophies. I pray my kid never takes a picture with the Stanley cup unless he's one of the members of the team who won the Stanley Cup. Is that true? I wasn't saying it to put it on the air. I was just saying it to. That's my approach to life. Why do I fuck? I give it to someone else's trophy.

[Gina Grad]

Did you tell Fonda Leeren, you can quote me. You didn't have to finesse me.

[Adam Carolla]

You would say that.

[David Alan Greer]

Oh, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's quoted on here. This is from Matt. It says, I just spoke to Adam and he says, wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

My son played T ball for five minutes. Like when he was four or five.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

And he didn't want to play. He wanted to be Spider man instead of the playground.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

We happened to be at the ballpark at the end of the season. They were giving out trophies and he got a trophy.

[Adam Carolla]

My son hit a home run in T ball by hitting the middle of the tee having the thing curtsy and, like, spit the ball forward. And then the catcher threw the ball well over the first baseman's head. And then the right fielder threw it, I think, over, like, hit an ice cream truck that was behind him. And then the ball got signed as Sonny's first home run ball. And then we were driving home and he was kind of going, not too shabby, huh, Bob? And I had to. I was basically explaining to him, you understand, he didn't hit a real home run. And my wife is giving him. What kind of animal are you? Like, well, what else should we do? Make him believe he has superpowers so that bullets can't penetrate him. And then he can go to the worst neighborhoods and start yelling out racial epithets. You know, I don't want him to think he's a slugger when he's not. He's gonna be wildly disappointed when life and reality kick in. All right, take a knee. R. Lee Ermey, by the way, love this guy. So you can go to AdamCroll.com archive and all the good stuff. Live shows coming up. Hollywood, Improv, Las Vegas coming up. London coming up. So just go to amcroll.com find out where everything is as far as Neyland goes. Go to kevinnealon.com and find out when and where he's doing his stand up because he's always somewhere. Kevinnealon.com so until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Kevin Nealon. Gina Grand Ball Brian saying mahalo. Hey, Jew boy. Get over here, you little kike. All right, there's adam perla show 1586. That does it for this weekend's Crow Classics. Until next weekend, mahalo.

[David Alan Greer]

And get it on Sam.