Decoding SIMPS with Jamie Lissow + Kamala Harris Rips Biden + Whoopi Says She Can’t Afford to Retire

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – September 11, 2025

Episode: “Decoding SIMPS with Jamie Lissow + Kamala Harris Rips Biden + Whoopi Says She Can’t Afford to Retire”
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Jamie Lissow, Rudy Pavich
Main Topics: Authenticity in pop culture and politics, Kamala Harris’ memoir, the meaning of "simp," Whoopi Goldberg's finances, money and class, effectiveness of funding in social programs, and society's fixation on cleanliness and safety.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show dives into the concept of authenticity in culture and politics, critiques performative public personas, and explores reactions to recent news including Vice President Kamala Harris' memoir, Whoopi Goldberg's statements on retirement, and the viral meaning of the term “simp.” Adam, Jamie Lissow, and Rudy Pavich deliver sharp comedic commentary on hypocrisy, upward mobility, and modern grievances, while riffing on issues such as wealth, motivation, sanitation, and social spending.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflection: The Charlie Kirk Assassination

• Adam opens somberly, reflecting on the assassination of Charlie Kirk, emphasizing Kirk’s legacy and critiquing heated political rhetoric that dehumanizes opponents.
• Quote:
  • “As long as you keep calling Trump Hitler, there is a math, and the math works out in a way that gets people assassinated.” – Adam (02:15)

Authenticity vs. Performance in Culture & Politics

• The conversation pivots to the value of being authentic versus "fake wood" personas in pop culture and politics. Gutfeld’s rise on Fox News is highlighted as unlikely, but successful, due to authenticity.
• Adam draws an extended analogy comparing fake wood to political inauthenticity.
• Quote:
  • “In a way, fake authentic is worse than bad authentic. I'd rather just see a flawed guy than someone who was trying to do a replication of a perfect person, but it didn't work.” – Adam (08:13)
• Kamala Harris and other politicians are criticized for overly rehearsed, manufactured moments.
• Adam points out Trump’s appeal: not pretending to be relatable or blue-collar, in contrast to many “posing” politicians.
• Jamie and Rudy agree audiences appreciate realness, and that trying to be “one of the people” often backfires.
  • “It's so obvious when they're pretending they're not fooling anybody.” – Jamie (09:19)

Wealth, Class, and Public Persona

• Adam discusses being told to downplay his success in radio to seem relatable, and his decision to reject that, preferring to be aspirational and honest about his success.
• Jamie notes that audiences like to see personal journeys and growth.
• The panel riffs on “poverty chic”–the modern tendency of celebrities to round down their privilege for relatability.
• Adam highlights an exchange online where he responded to criticism by owning his wealth rather than deflecting:
  • “They wrote something like, oh, look at Adam sitting in a $7 million house, counting his money, telling us to go back to work. And I just wrote back, ‘7.3.’” (23:55)

“SIMPs” & Internet Insults Decoded

• Adam, Jamie, and Rudy attempt to parse the modern insult “simp” after Adam is called one by Keith Olbermann.
  • “It's weird when you're being insulted, but you're confused on how the insult goes.” – Adam (37:07)
• Various comedic guesses: simpleton, sympathetic, etc.
  • “The number one trait any woman has ever accused me of not having is being sympathetic enough.” – Adam (38:41)
• The conversation lampoons online insult culture and rapidly mutating internet slang.

Value of Hard Work & Critique of Entitlement

• Adam shares stories emphasizing the value of hustle, unpaid internships, and avoiding a grabby, greedy mindset.
• Cites personal and industry anecdotes about people getting ahead by providing value and showing initiative.

Social Commentary: Cleanliness, Safety, and Overcorrection

• The group lampoons viral videos about public sanitation, particularly a woman cleaning a moving walkway railing.
  • “First off, any bitches that find germs, I'm fucking done with you…The reason every kid is fat and allergic to peanuts and has asthma is because of bitches like you who walk around and they wipe everything down.” – Adam (50:13)
• Comedic takes about societal overemphasis on cleanliness, with references to real airport behaviors.

Children, Parental Relationships, and Growing Up in Showbiz

• Jamie and Adam swap stories about their relationships with their kids and moments when their children begin to appreciate their work.
• Emotional and comedic beats combine in reflections on parenting, generational differences, and adult validation.

News and Politics: Kamala Harris’ Memoir, Whoopi Goldberg, and Public Spending

• Rudy reads the headlines:
  • Kamala Harris’ memoir criticizes Biden’s "recklessness." Adam questions whether these revelations even matter.
  • Whoopi Goldberg claims she can't afford to retire, despite her high net worth and salary.
• The panel eviscerates the tendency for the rich or well-off to say they’re “working class” for clout.
• Critique of government and charitable spending, especially in California:
  • Billions spent on homelessness and wildfires with little effect, money dissolving through grift and nonprofit bureaucracy.

Gun Violence & Safety – Real Solutions vs. Performative Measures

• Adam critiques arguments against arming school staff for safety, poking holes in op-ed logic.
  • “Well…if the teacher with the .45 returned fire and only three people were killed, then it'd be a lot better for the five kids and their family.” (91:24)
• Broader criticism of policy debates focusing on money, not direct, common-sense interventions:
  • “Diet and exercise. You can go to the fucking park and do chin ups and do push ups. Guys in prison are jacked…But it's always like, money, more grants, more money.” – Adam (84:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On fake personas:
  • “The best is a nice wood steering wheel, authentic. The second best is just a plastic steering wheel that's not pretending to be wood. But the worst is a fake wood steering wheel. And that's what you got with, like, Kamala and some of that crew.” – Adam (09:25)
• On celebrity ‘poverty’:
  • “My mom would have been Poverty Spice, my sister. Now Lauren Carolla's Poverty Spice. She's got one flip flop. She walks out there smoking.” – Adam (28:33)
• On internet culture:
  • “‘Simp’… It's not effective when you… First off, you abbreviating a word doesn't make it an insult.” – Adam (38:18)
• On “working class” celebrities:
  • “She [Whoopi] literally works in a bathrobe and doesn't appear to have hair and makeup. So whatever the difficult part of work and never seems informed.” – Adam (77:41)
• On government spending:
  • “Shouldn't we be driving down the 110 freeway and see a giant homeless facility, like some 10 story thing with subterranean parking and a hospital and a mental… Shouldn't we be passing that on the way to the airport instead of just like looking at squalor and more people sleeping on the floor?” – Adam (101:40)
• On class resentment:
  • “At everyone's core, AOC and Bernie Sanders are going out on the Stop the Oligarchy tour, but they're flying privately and first class and staying in thousand dollar a night suites… The reason this experiment won't work is because that's everyone's default setting.” – Adam (104:05)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Charlie Kirk assassination discussion: 00:00 – 04:37
• Authenticity vs. fake personas: 05:13 – 11:35
• Relatability vs. aspirational success; “poverty chic”: 11:45 – 16:24
• Online insult culture – “simp,” “cuck,” terminology: 37:04 – 41:14
• Society’s obsession with sanitation: 50:09 – 55:32
• Kamala Harris memoir / Biden criticism: 70:01 – 71:58
• Whoopi Goldberg’s finances and “working class” claims: 73:45 – 78:53
• Government spending and effectiveness, especially in California: 97:06 – 104:05
• Parenting, children, and coming-of-age moments: 64:23 – 69:59
• School shootings, solutions and policy debates: 89:04 – 96:49

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Tone & Style

• Irreverent, acerbically funny, and no-holds-barred
• Conversational with rapid-fire banter; comic digressions into absurdity and lived experience
• Language is uncensored and direct, with blue-collar sensibility and a preference for “saying it like it is”
• Nuanced critique and skepticism of authority figures—whether political or celebrity

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Conclusion

This episode is a tour through the absurdities of modern American culture—skewering fakeness in politics, online tabloids, class dishonesty among celebrities, inefficiencies in government spending, and collective germ paranoia. Adam, Jamie, and Rudy punctuate their critiques with personal stories and comedic analogies, ultimately championing authenticity, hustle, and common-sense solutions in a world addicted to elaborate performances and empty rhetoric.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, we're going to talk to comedian Jamie Lizzow and Rudy Pavitz going to do the news. Now, we recorded this shortly before we heard about Charlie Kirk. Charlie Kirk obviously was assassinated. You guys have all heard the news. Charlie, I knew. I did not know him well, but I knew him. He was on this program July 16, 2019. He was, as advertised, lot of energy, a lot of vitality and very nice. And I'd had the opportunity to do his radio show more than once and always found the conversation to be lively and entertaining. It's very sad because of his age and the age of his children and his young wife and all that. It's something that's sadly probably going to continue as long as the left keeps calling Trump Hitler. Because if he is Hitler, then you must try to get rid of Hitler and or his lieutenants. Because if Charlie Kirk is seen as in part responsible for getting Donald Trump elected, then it only makes sense that you need to take out the person who was helping Hitler to gain power. And that's where we're living right now, sadly. So, folks on the left, you can say all you want about peace, love and understanding, but as long as you keep calling Trump Hitlerian, than people around Trump and possibly Trump, there's gonna be attempts made on their lives, because that's what a patriot would do if you lived in a country where Hitler was running for his third term or making policy. So you can say all you want about the thoughts and prayers, you can talk about gun violence, you can talk about anything you want. But as long as you keep calling Trump Hitler, there is a math, and the math works out in a way that gets people assassinated. So Charlie was a good dude, very effective, got a lot more done in his very short time on this planet than most of us. And his memory will live on and his work will live on, and I assume he'll even grow stronger over the years. And I think a lot of people are going to pick up his mantle and continue his work. And he deserves a really good legacy. And for those of you who disagree with Charlie Kirk, that's fine. But I think the disconnect is he loved this country, he loved his God, and he loved his family. So whatever you want to say about disagreeing with him, it's hard to disagree with his motivation, which was a patriotism and a religion and a love of family. All right, he'll be missed. And without any further ado, we will start the program from Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Carolla show. Adam's guest Today, comedian Jamie LaSalle. Plus the news and trending topics with Rudy Pavich. Now, he must be respected, protected, and never rejected. He is somebody. Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get on a choice. We're gonna manage. You get it on. Now Jamie's back in studio. Rudy Pavich is back here as well. Jamie's got tour dates traveling all over the place. Irvine coming up September 12th through the 14th. Irvine improv is a good place.

[Jamie Lissow]

Great club. It is great, but well done.

[Adam Carolla]

Huge but well done. Yeah, agreed. And you can go. He's going to be in St. Charles at the Funny Bone. You can go to his website, Jamie, and I'll spell it out. L I s s o w.com is where I go. Good to see you, Jamie.

[Jamie Lissow]

Good to see you, too. And if anybody can't spell my name, I also bought card Greg Gutfeld's friend.com just to make it easier.

[Adam Carolla]

Smart. Yeah, Rudy did that.

[Rudy Pavich]

I did the same move with Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you?

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, I bought Adam Carolla's opener dot com.

[Jamie Lissow]

Oh, that's good.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. Which gets a big pop at the end of the show every time.

[Jamie Lissow]

That's good.

[Rudy Pavich]

Piggybacking off all that success.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, Gutfeld number one, and I don't even call it late night anymore, just sort of number one. Fox News beating all the other news outlets out. I just saw a thing with that. They were number one, beating out all the networks and everything. And Gutfeld's such an unlikely late night show host. But I do also think we're living in a world where authentic is better than inauthentic. And I think the problem that the left is having is they're trying to synthesize authentic.

[Jamie Lissow]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you like. So here's the deal. Like in the 70s, you kids don't know from fake wood. Everything is fake wood now. And it looks good. Like you go in and you go into an office building, you see this porcelain tile and it's got a wood grain on it. And you go, beautiful oak planks. It's like that's tile that just has an oak stamp on it.

[Jamie Lissow]

I took Viagar last night. That's more fake wood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, same thing. Yeah. Well, you go from a soft wood like a pine or a birch, to a hardwood like oak or alder. Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

You need two guys to carry it.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you back up, it makes it neat, neat, neat. You know, when you're pulling out, that's how she knows you're done. Yeah. We flag it. You know, if you're going to be. If we got to flag it, you're going to be walking across the street.

[Jamie Lissow]

That's when you know you're doing good. When you got a flag on the.

[Adam Carolla]

End of that, that's good. My dick's so big, I got to flag it when I drive. Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

Ton of people hitting their head on it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that's a big dick. A dick where you go. I can't drive a pickup truck without legally flagging my hog. That's how big my dick is.

[Rudy Pavich]

F250 is how many inches this thing is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I got to go to Home Depot just to get the flags. I'm not even buying any lumber. It's to transport dick home. So what the hell were you talking about? Oh, okay. So here's what. Here's. Okay, here's what I want people to understand. Fake wood looks good now because they figured it out. They'll do it. Grain on a refrigerator, on a thing. 70s fake wood looked like weird fake wood, right? So you'd see, like, a 74 Mustang with a fake wood grain steering wheel. It just looked like shit, Right? Or the weird plastic shift knob that was supposed to look like wood, but the wood grain would wear off where your hand was, and it'd just be beige in that spot. And so in a way, fake authentic is worse than bad authentic. Like synthesized authentic is worse. I'd rather just see a flawed guy than someone who was trying to do a replication of a perfect person, but it didn't work. You know what I'm saying? And that was kind of the Kamala Harris. You know, that's like when Tim Walls of your home state, you know, he does that stuff where he, like, all of a sudden there's a camera on him, and he pops his head up and he's like, oh, hey, you caught me gapping my plugs in my International Harvester. Anyway, you know, he's holding a rag that he doesn't care about, and all of a sudden we're gonna start a con. Look, before I go hunting today, I want to talk about the deficit. And it's like, you don't gap your own plugs. You're playing a guy who gap, and now it's worse. Like, I would rather. I think that's what people like about Trump. Trump would be like, I'm not fucking gapping my own plugs. Why should I do that? I'm a billionaire.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Pay someone to do that.

[Jamie Lissow]

They're always worried about their messaging.

[Adam Carolla]

We Gotta work on our messaging.

[Jamie Lissow]

Where Trump goes, I'm just gonna talk like this and be this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just talk. This tells what you want to do or what you're thinking. Don't worry about what you're trying to. Why are you trying to get me to think of you a certain way? Why don't you just be that?

[Jamie Lissow]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right.

[Jamie Lissow]

It's as obvious as the fake. It's so obvious when they're pretending they're not fooling anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

And what I'm saying is the best is a nice wood steering wheel, authentic. The second best is just a plastic steering wheel that's not pretending to be wood. But the worst is a fake wood steering wheel. And that's what you got with, like, Kamala and some of that crew.

[Rudy Pavich]

Do you think sometimes people are just afraid to be authentic because maybe it's about being canceled? And I think it's a good question for maybe both you guys. When did you consciously make the decision to just say, this is what I feel. This is how I'm just gonna say it and fuck the consequences. Whatever happens, happens?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Jamie, when did you start speaking about how I feel? When did you summon the guts?

[Jamie Lissow]

It's always been really easy for me to talk about how Adam feels. You know, just be open about that. If he gets canceled, I think he'll be fine. It's. I. I feel like I never knew. I never knew another way. Like, I had moments in my career where I did colleges, right? And I remember after a couple years feeling like, wow, every time I get off stage, I feel a fake and limited and censored and that didn't feel good. And so I think I always went towards that. And stand up comedy, you don't have that. It's when you get on TV that you start to feel like, oh, if I say this one thing, they're never going to have me back. And then Gutfeld, it never, never came up. It was never like, what are you going to say on our show? What angle are you going to take? And so I don't know. I don't. I don't think I did anything very brave. Like, I'm going to say whatever. I just don't know if there was ever another option.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think, well, I did so much radio before I started doing stand up. I mean, I guess you start at the start. Like, I never made up a name for radio. Lots of people have fake radio names. A lot of St. Clair's and St. Clouds and Saint. You know, a lot of saints and Dusty street and stuff like, you know, that kind of stuff. So I never, I just entered into it with my name, Cash Widecock.

[Rudy Pavich]

And all the good names like Rudy Pavich were already taken.

[Adam Carolla]

So I just kept it with what it says on the license, Cash Widecock. So.

[Jamie Lissow]

You were a flag cock for a while, right?

[Rudy Pavich]

I flagged.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I had to flag it.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Flagcock.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, it's a little orange triangle on his license.

[Adam Carolla]

So. And I kind of rebelled, as I think back on it, I rebelled against it very early on. So speaking of colleges. So I was on in Los Angeles on kroq. KROQ was a big alternative station, kind of the MTV of the radio dial. And if you notice like the MTV VJs, they never showed up in a three piece suit. It was always like a short sleeve shirt and they were sort of hanging out. You had to have a kind of chill vibe. And no one ever talked about being at the Hamptons this weekend or flying privately or anything. Because the whole deal was your audience is a bunch of 14 and 15 year old skaters. You know what I mean? They don't want to see the Monopoly man up there interviewing, you know, Billy Idol or whatever it is. So I was told early on, you know, don't talk about, like you flew first class the other week. Don't talk about flying first class. You know. And, you know, and I noticed around KROQ there was a lot of like jocks that were in their late 40s and they're wearing like board shorts and flip flops and, you know, and a Val Cerf T shirt. And I'm like, you're like, you know, you have adult children. You know, what do you dress in like a skater boy for? And it's like that's who they are. And they have to pretend to be into all this super. You like some 41, man, I dig those guys. You don't even know. You want to hear REO Speedwagon? That's what you listen to when you get in your car. But you had to have this veneer of this fake wood thing. And so I got told in the midter 90s, hey man, this is your audience. So first class or private or buying a sports car, don't start talking rich guy stuff. And I always rejected it. I said, no, no. I said, listen, I'm not them. They're not tuning in to listen to them. If they want to hear what them has to say, then put a trash can on their head. I'm better than they are. Like, I'm aspirational Like, here's what happens when you work hard, kids, and you have talent, then you can fly first class and drive a Porsche. So I'm like, I'm not going to dumb it down and pretend like I'm one of them. And I never thought. I never watched Johnny Carson went, that guy's like me. His mom probably has a VW square back with retread tires in North High. And I was like, that guy lives in the Malibu. Where did he live? Not the Grove, the Malibu, the colonies. He lives in the colonies. He has his martinis. He eats at fancy restaurants. He's a rich guy. That's who he is. You know, he deserves to be rich. I don't think he's like me. I don't want to think he's like me. So there was like, well, yeah, but this is how we're doing it now. And so I know I wasn't down with any of it because I coined the phrase in the 90s. I would go, oh, and Drew, you know, I'm a millionaire. Literally a millionaire. Literally. I would just say literally over and over, a millionaire into the microphone. I didn't even have a million dollars. Once I'd calculated that my net worth would get to a million dollars, then I just kept saying, literally a millionaire. And I. Looking back on it, why did I keep saying literally? Like, I would yell literally a millionaire into the mic, and I was like. Cause I was pushing back on the assholes that were telling me to pretend like I was going to junior college and trying to get along. So for me, it's always been a. I started early with it. Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

I also think that the audience, whoever they're coaching, to be like, you got to be this relatable person. I think we have to give the audience a little more credit that they also don't mind seeing a journey like Carolla from the guy that calls into the Kimmel radio show to becoming a success. And I want to hear that you. I might want to hear that you drive a Porsche, that you're literally a millionaire. I even feel like Rodney Dangerfield, who is my number one favorite comedian, and he's like, I get no respect. That was his whole thing. I got no respect. And I remember towards the end going.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, dude.

[Jamie Lissow]

It's your 53rd appearance on Carson. This feels like you're getting a little bit of respect. I feel like it would have been okay for him to go, hey, I'm getting a little respect. Now I'm somewhat respected. I feel like that's okay to see a little bit of a journey.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. And it's also when it does blow up in their face, I think we love to watch it. When we watch the guy who's the evangelical preacher who talks about gay as a sin, who gets busted in the MSP airport bathroom, we love to watch that blow up. And then when it does get pulled back. I remember I was a huge fan of Motley Cruelty, Love Motley Crue. These guys worship the devil, man. They shout at the devil and then come to find out. I was watching VH1 and they pulled the curtain back and Vince Neil's getting a facelift. And I was like, what that guy? Why is he walking around Beverly Hills? That guy's supposed to be worshiping a pentagram right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what he really should have had is the picture of Dorian Gray aging in his attic because he made a deal with Beelzebub and he never aged.

[Rudy Pavich]

Ben's never even heard that story. That's the sad part about it.

[Adam Carolla]

He had no idea who Dorian Gray is.

[Rudy Pavich]

Just all fake. And you were just so angry when you find out that these guys aren't devil worshipers. You're like, what?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, did. In the story of the picture of Dorian Gray, did he make a deal with the devil? He must have. There were lots of deals with the devil.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you.

[Jamie Lissow]

How do you do. How do you get a hold of them?

[Adam Carolla]

There's fiddle related deals. They don't hear about oboe deals with the devil, but I'm sure there's some have been struck. But just they. They had to sign a do not disclose thing. It probably slid under the radar.

[Jamie Lissow]

I feel like the fiddle devil deal was one of the worst deals.

[Adam Carolla]

The fiddle devil deal was a fiddle made of gold and the devil got it.

[Jamie Lissow]

He got his soul.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

In exchange for just him being able. I just feel like there's better.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if it was like a cello made of gold or something, a little like a large oversized guitar from a mariachi band made of gold somewhere valuable. Because the fiddle made of gold is a fair amount of gold. But it may not get that young guy through a life. He may have to take a job at some point. You could break off a piece of the fiddle and like trade it for a used car and break off another.

[Jamie Lissow]

It sucks when you make a deal with the devil and then you're driving for doordash because you didn't make the right deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, how are you going to fence that fiddle? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you walk in to a place, you know, and you're trying to fence. You're like, I want. You know. And they're like, where'd you get that fiddle, boy? And they're like, I got it from the devil fair and square. Next you know, the cops are rolling up, they don't believe that devil.

[Jamie Lissow]

They drink the blue book. It's worth one soul.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

That's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Next thing you know, you're on Pawn Stars.

[Rudy Pavich]

As you say, the gold guys are calling, like, are you sure you got this from the devil? Because we got to make sure we got a police report on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And also, fiddles are hollow, last time I checked. And so if you're technically gonna do a fiddle made of gold, it's gonna be back to the veneer of the gold. It may even be gold leaf. It's gonna be hollow inside.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's not gonna be that much gold there physically.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's that fake wood, just gold plated.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

I'd make a deal for a kettlebell of gold.

[Adam Carolla]

We should say if we should redo that song and do a fiddle made of bitcoin. And it gets your soul. So in the story the portrait of Dorian Gray, was the deal with the devil, or was it with just somebody like Hunter Biden or something who drew a picture of Dorian Gray? In the picture of Dorian Gray, handsome young Dorian wishes for eternal youth, is painted his portrait age is placed under the influence of Lord Hennessy's blah, blah, blah. So his wish comes true. But was there any deviltry in there? Because did he make the deal with the devil? Either way, here's an interesting thought. And, Dawson, since Andrew's looking for the devil part of the Dorian Gray, but devil and Dorian, maybe there's something there. So I liked a tweet from, like, yesterday, right? And it was somebody telling me I was never funny and I'm not funny or whatever. One of those, which I do like those. And so it's Oscar Wilde's picture. Dorian Gray doesn't make a formal deal with the devil. It's a handshake deal deal with a specific ending, like Luther. So there's no specific reference to Lucifer in that. All right, so here's an interesting thing. And I wonder if you think it's like, we've turned the corner and it's kind of trump whatever. People in the past. No, people in the past would flaunt their wealth and they would say, like, I'm from the Rothschilds, you know, and my father was a great Industrialist or shipping magnet or whatever it is, right? And they'd have a pocket watch and say good day, and, like, wear spats and stuff like that. Then at some point we got the message and they started rounding down, you know, like, they'd go, you know, like, you see these guys, they go, like, you know, we're very middle class, very middle class. And, like, at some point, the guy's friend will go, your dad ran Nabisco. Yeah, but we were pretty. I mean, you know, hey, we weren't poor. You know, it's like, no, no, no, you were rich. You're rounding it down. You know, there's. I slept in my car. There's all this bullshit fake poor shit that drives me nuts. I mean, the greatest is, you know, Posh Spice during their interview, explaining they grew up middle class. And then David Beckham's like, what kind of car did you drive? And it was like, she didn't want to talk anyway. She got dropped off to school in a Rolls Royce. That is not. It's not middle class. So everyone is fighting for it. And there used to be Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, and everyone went over the top to flaunt their wealth. And now you have a target on your back, like a physical target. There's an element of, don't wear a Rolex out at night in la. You're gonna get stuck up, Right? But there's also a sort of social target, which is that rich guy, out of touch, whatever. I come from such poverty, and I worked so hard that I always told everyone to fuck right off when they tried to do it. When I was battling with the LA teachers unions about opening schools, and by the way, the test scores have come in. I hope everyone's sitting down. The kids are fucking failing like shit. But when I was battling with the LA Unified School District on Twitter, yelling at them to open the schools and calling them cowards and everything I could call them. So what the left does is they make their try. They do either racist or this rich guy. So they wrote something like, oh, look at Adam sitting in a $7 million house, counting his money, telling us to go back to work. And I just wrote back, 7.3. That's all I wrot. I just wrote 7 3. That was my answer because the house was 7 3. It wasn't 7. And my thing is like, fuck you. You can't shame me. I've been on too many construction sites, slept on too many floors, and worked too fucking many weekends for you to even get near shaming. Me for your, by the way, you're lazy fucking ass. You want to be a teacher, Fuck off. I don't care. So you can't do it to me. But here's the interesting point. Have we turned as Trump, have we turned the corner and gone the other way? Because somebody tweeted me about not being funny or never being funny, and then I answered the person this way. But the thing that was interesting about it is I read the 700 comments under it and they're all on my side. And I don't think they would have done it this way before. All right, so I'll read the thing. It's a guy says, remember that time you were funny? And I wrote, that was $70 million ago.

[Jamie Lissow]

That's so good.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So now I'm expecting every third comment to go, hey, rich guy, there are people who can't afford groceries or whatever. Every single comment under it was, burn that guy. Good answer. Fuck off. Right? And it's interesting that there was no haters in the entire 50 comments. Not one person went, hey, rich guy, there's people out there with real problems, okay? Or whatever. My kid has leukemia and we lost our insurance. It was 50 comments of go get em ace. Which I don't think I would have done that five years ago, is what I'm saying.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

And the other thing that I've noticed with people is they always talk about, like, how the rich are greedy. It's always the rich guy's fault that I'm poor. And I'm like, at first, first off, greed doesn't know any sort of economic structure. Doesn't know if you're rich or poor. I've met a lot of greedy motherfuckers who are poor. And they're the worst people ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Most people I know who aren't successful, it's because they were grabby, greedy. They'd go, oh, could you talk to Jimmy about getting me some free Lakers tickets? Or whatever? And I go. And then next thing you know, you associate this person with asking for shit. Anybody who's had that family member who's always trying to borrow money or asking for a favorite, their phone rings, your name comes up in your phone, you look at it and you go, what do they want now? Yeah, I don't even know. I'm letting it go to voicemail. Like all of the ones that I grew up with, the poor people, they're grabby and greedy and like, what? And for certain won't work for free. Like when I started with Kroc, I worked for a year for free. And my friends were like, what are you getting paid, man? Come on, now. Because they're like, you're in show business. And I'm like, I'm not getting paid anything, dude. You gotta ask. Go in there and tell them to give you money, you know? And I was like, I don't want to piss them off. I'll just. And then the first time they agreed to pay me, they agreed to pay me $50 a bit. And my buddy Ray, he went working construction, by the way. He goes, how much I pay you? I go, 50 bucks a bit. He goes, 50 bucks a bit? That's nothing. That's nothing. And then I said, famously, I go, ray, I should be paying them. And six months later, I was rich off of radio. But they don't get it. It's like, where's the cash? Where's the cash?

[Rudy Pavich]

I tell people when I come and do this show, I drive from Las Vegas. I come here maybe once every two weeks, three weeks. I Dr. From Las Vegas. I get up in the morning, 6am I drive here, I do the show. We hang out two and a half hours. I drive right back to Las Vegas, round trip. It's probably eight and a half, nine hours in the car. And I can't tell you how many people go, why would you do that? That's insane. The only person who I've ever told that story to who was like, dude, good for you. Keep doing it. Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider was like, dude, we need that kind of get up and go in everybody. If you. If other people were to do that, this would be a much better country.

[Jamie Lissow]

I can verify that. I worked for Rob Schneider unpaid for years.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I saw a TV show.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah. But I agree with. It's the long game, right? It's also understanding the value of being on or getting that exposure. And then also, they want to work with you. And if you're not charging them a certain amount of money, they go, hey, come on. Every day. Come on. Every week. Like, if you make it financial too quickly, you're sort of cutting yourself off of the long game.

[Adam Carolla]

We have the Beckham video, I'm told, because it's perfect. It's so perfect. By the way, her name is Posh. It's not Poverty Spice. It's Posh.

[Rudy Pavich]

Posh.

[Adam Carolla]

My mom would have been Poverty Spice, my sister. Now Lauren Carolla's Poverty Spice. She's got one flip flop. She walks out there smoking.

[Rudy Pavich]

If you want to be on welfare, you gotta get with my mom.

[Adam Carolla]

All Right. Here it is. We're very working class. Very working.

[Jamie Lissow]

Honest.

[Adam Carolla]

I am being honest. I am being honest. How did your dad drive you to school in. So, my dad. No one answer. My dad, what car was it? It's not a simple answer, because did you get your dad to drive? It depends. No, no, no, no, no. Okay.

[Jamie Lissow]

In the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I know.

[Rudy Pavich]

My girlfriend does the same thing. My girlfriend's great, but she does come from a family that had some money, and they had a sailboat on a lake in Minneapolis. And every time she talks about how the rich are the problem, I'm like, how many times did you. In the summertime, did you go out sailing? And she's like, it wasn't the same. I'm like, did you not own a BO in Minneapolis? If you did, then guess what? You're part of the rich, too.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Simply safe. Well, I want to talk about home security for just a minute. For years, I just thought it was about having an alarm that would go off when somebody was already kicking in your door and standing in your living room. No, not anymore. Simplisafe has raised the bar one more time, because by then, it's too late. They're already in your house helping themselves to whatever's in there. Tv Pop Tarts. Look, the problem is, that's how traditional security react. They wait for the crime to happen, and then they say something. That's not what SimpliSafe does. And that's why I use SimpliSafe. They flipped the whole model. Proactive instead of reactive. Here's how it works. Smart cameras powered by AI can tell the difference between a squirrel and some guy lurking in your yard. It's about stopping crime before it gets to the front door. So don't wait until after the damage is already done. Get proactive protection with SimpliSafe. Right, Dawson. You can get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring. And your first month [e-mail] Adam. Just head to simplisafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this year. Keep your home, your family, and your peace of mind. Protection with SimpliSafe. There's no safe like Simplisafe. Shopify. Well, starting a business that can be intimidating. That's right. Shopify is a commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand style. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And best yet, Shopify is your your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond at Shopify. Right Dawson, Turn your big business idea into Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com corolla go to shopify.com corolla shopify.com corolla Five hour energy caffeine just got a serious flavor upgrade. Five hour energy shots hits you with tasty caffeine in 17 different flavors. You get as much caffeine as 12 ounces of fancy coffee, but without any of the sugar or crash and it's all packed into a tiny 2 ounce shot big flavor small bottle. Perfect for when you need a quick jolt. But you don't want to lug around the giant coffee mug or send someone on a run. It's right there. Easy to carry around. These shots bring the flavors of the season right to your pocket. Give your caffeine a flavor upgrade with 5 hour energy shots. Get yours in store or you can get them [e-mail] or you can grab them at Amazon today. That's fivehourenergy.com in store or at Amazon today. Yeah, so my whole thing is there's two My approach to owning stuff was like I am going to tell everyone I'm rich and then I'm going to tell them I still have problems and it doesn't make you happy and you still get fucked over at the airport and the security line and all the shit that happens that you don't think happens to rich people because they're rich. It all happens the same.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, I like it's honesty, right? It's just being real.

[Rudy Pavich]

And it's funny you bring that up about money because I always thought being broke was the center of all my problems. And I thought once I get some money then I'll be happy. And I sold my first house and they literally gave me a check for $60,000 and I was driving to the bank to put it in there and I remember thinking I am equally as unhappy in this moment with $60,000 as I was before they handed me the check. So money is obviously not the answer.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think so There's a couple things, I think. There's lessons, like you should talk to someone who's rich and go, how did you do this? And my answer would be, work for fucking free and don't piss people off and go get needy and grabby and don't have jobs you won't do. I don't. I'm not here. I'm not getting paid to do. Just jump in, help out, that kind of stuff. And, you know, the boss always notices. When we would do the man show, we didn't even know the interns names. It would just be at the end of the show, at the end of the season, be like, who we bringing back? And it'd be like, the dude who's always wearing the Flock of Seagulls T shirt. That guy's a bust. That guy's a bust. I didn't even know his name. That guy's a bust. And then Jimmy'd go, yeah, he was supposed to pick me up on set. He was like 20 minutes late. And we'd go, all right, that guy's gone. It would just go, that guy's gone. And then the other guy would be like, oh, yeah. Remember, the guy showed up early and he got us breakfast burritos. Yeah, that dude, he's coming back. Like, that's. We hired a guy, Adam de la Pena, who's a. I guess look him up. But Adam's a friend. He does a lot of riding. We hired him. He came walking in, first job interview, he's wearing this Hawaiian shirt. But it was pretty killer. And Jimmy and I both looked at it and went, where'd you get that Hawaiian shirt? And he goes. He goes, adam Dalefin, he's my writer's assistant to Manchu. He goes, I showed it myself. I go, you made your own Hawaiian shirt? And he goes, I made my own Hawaiian shirt, and you hire me, I'll make one for you too. And we're like, all right, he's hired. I don't even remember if he ever made us a fucking shirt. But he. He made his own Hawaiian shirt. And he showed up in it, and that's De La Pena.

[Jamie Lissow]

We had an honest.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. That's where the word mijo, that was De la Pena was mijo. And that's where all the mijos started with the man show. Go ahead.

[Jamie Lissow]

We had this guy on Real Rob Season 1, his name was David Tanner. And we had a series of guys that would come in for free that were unpaid interns. And this one dude was always the happiest to Be there. He was there before all of us. I remember he drove me home one night. I said something about like, I don't drink alcohol. I drink sparkling water or something. And the next morning, he had like, a bunch of sparkling water for me and all this stuff. He was the executive producer of season two of Real Rob. He was an unpaid intern on season one with a group of other interns. And just by being that guy. He is a executive producer of many movies now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just.

[Jamie Lissow]

Just by being that guy that didn't go, how much do I get? We paying back for the sparkling water? Like, it was always just the guy that just wanted to be there. Just hungry for the work.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to ask you guys, you're younger than I am. I don't know what a lot of abbreviations are. I mean, I figured out cuck, you know, but I've gotten a bunch of different variations on what a simp is. Keith Oberman called me a simp and somebody said simple and the other person said sympathizer. So it's weird when you're being insulted, but you're confused on how the insult goes. So first off, what is a simp?

[Jamie Lissow]

I have no, I is a cuck where you like to watch people have sex with you. I like to do that if I'm the other guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Jamie Lissow]

I don't know. Simp. I don't know what it means.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, I imagine if it's coming from Keith, it must mean simpleton. Correct.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

It's not symphony if it's coming from.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but could be simplet. Sympathetic. Sympathetic. Someone who's overly sympathetic. I'm overly sympathetic if you're a simp. He was probably calling you a simp for Trump. Yeah, but it wasn't. Cuz it wasn't talking about Trump. But yeah, you're right. You're right. But first off, I've never been called overly sympathetic. No. So come on, Dawson. No, I hate when I get called.

[Jamie Lissow]

Something and I have to Google it.

[Adam Carolla]

You're offended? Yes. I had to ask around, like, if it's like being sworn at in a foreign language or something. I had to look it up, see what that cab driver was. Was talking about. I was like, it's not effective when you. First off, you abbreviating a word doesn't make it an insult. The number one trait any woman has ever accused me of not having is being sympathetic enough. I'm the rub, some dirt on it guy. Come on, let's go kind of thing. I'M the guy. You go, I'm allergic to shelf. You're fine. Let's go. Eat it up. Eat that shrimp. Here we go. Like, I'm that guy. So I'm not the. I'm the worst guy in the world to tell me you're not feeling well? Yeah, because I'm always like, I'm not feeling well either. Nobody's 100%. Now let's go to work. So it's a tweet. I think it was a tweet he sent me. Oh, no, Andrew, you sent it to me. The other part that's weird is I wouldn't have seen it, but Andrew found it and he sent it to me. And then he called me a simple but again with the simp. If I'm being labeled as sympathetic, then I thank you, Keith Olberman, because no one's ever called me that. But I think it was me making fun of Gavin Newsom. And I just said, name me one thing that got. It was like, gavin Newsom's right about everything is what the tweet was. And I said, as I say to everyone, name one thing he got right about COVID One thing. Now, to be fair to him, he wasn't wrong. He was just lying. He didn't care. But name one thing he got right about COVID And then Keith Olbermann wrote all of it, which is like, really? Cuz I got a friend who owned a restaurant called Tinhorn Flats, three miles from here, and it's got a fence around it now. Cause they're out of business because they kept their patio open for outdoor dining. And he shut down outdoor dining with no signs. He took bulldozers and filled in skate parks at the beach. He cut down volleyball nets at the beach. He arrested a guy for paddleboarding in the bay. He kept schools closed way too long. I'm gonna say he got everything wrong, but by the way, who's the simp here? Yeah, the guy who says Gavin Newsom got everything right about COVID when all he did was get everything wrong about COVID But again, the simp, the unfunny part.

[Jamie Lissow]

Do you think he was tweeting and just drove off the road? It feels like it might have just ended.

[Adam Carolla]

He was gonna finish sympathize or something. Maybe he's gonna write simpleton or simple syrup.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, maybe symposium. Yeah, he.

[Adam Carolla]

You unfunny simp. All right, so this is a sympathizer, but not a simple tin. Again. Look, you're three or four letters away from clarity. Look, we're also in the mind of Keith Olbermann. Who knows what the hell he meant.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, man, talk about guys who have gone off the rails. Jesus. What happened, dude?

[Jamie Lissow]

What does he do? Does he do stuff? Does he. Is he doing anything? Remember he was on like a. Like a TV show on a real channel, and then it was like, oh, he's on this other base.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a face of ESPN for a long time.

[Jamie Lissow]

Then he had a show on select jet Blue flights. Like, it just kept getting less and less.

[Adam Carolla]

He's on the Ring Doorbell network now. You know, that Ring Doorbell Network joke was a joke I was made like five years ago. But then I realized, oh, we're getting there. Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, yeah, There is gonna be a Ring Doorbell Network soon.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. One of the things I like about, I've always said about you, Adam, is your ability, and you've brought this up many times, is your ability to keep your heart rate low. And Adam and I had a moment like two weeks ago where everybody was gone. Me and another guy who works here in the building, another Adam, we're just like, you know, hanging out, and all of a sudden the toilet just broke and water is spewing everywhere. I mean, it's literally flooding the hallway. And I'm on the phone with Adam and I'm like, we gotta fix this. And the whole time just super even keel, he's like, there, there's a screwdriver in the back. Let's see, is it a Phillips head? And in my mind I'm like, move your ass. I need to find the goddamn screwdriver. But you're just so even keel all the time. So when he says, if it is simple, then yes, he is correct in saying that you are somewhat kind of a simple guy where you really don't. The anxiety does not get to you.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have that heart rate thing. I'm one of the. I literally can spin a race car out at 120 miles an hour and be very relaxed while doing it. But it's more logic than it is nerve nerves or something. It's more like. It doesn't. Once you're along for the ride, you're kind of along for the ride. You can't do anything about it. You can't fight it. If you fight, it kind of makes it worse. The thing that was funny about that, that talking you through the toilet flood situation we had is that I literally left that the day before in the afternoon. And thank God Rudy showed up. And I had in that bathroom a flathead screwdriver, can of WD40, and some channel locks. Because the. The toilet, the urinal was giving me issues, and it was just sitting there in the bathroom. And I left during the afternoon, so it was there. And so I said to Rudy, well, there should be a flathead screwdriver I know how to fix. Well, I know how to shut off the water. 2. I can shut the Sloan valve off on a urinal. There's no angle stop like a toilet. You gotta get a screwdriver and do it. And so I said, well, there should be a screwdriver there, and you should be able to just put it in the center. And it's a brass bolt. Everything else is chrome, and it's a slot head. And Rudy looks around, he goes, there's nothing here. There's nothing in the bathroom. And I go, well, I left last night, and there was tools in the bathroom to shut this off. And he goes, nothing in there. And I go, huh? Hold on. So we put the call out, hey, everyone, what the hell happened to the tools in the bathroom? And Mayhem Miller put them away. Now, by the way, a lot of people at that point would go, jesus fucking Christ, just leave it where it is. But I'm like, hey, somebody did something nice. Yeah, God bless ya. You know what I mean?

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

To me, it's sort of like the employee equivalent to the hooker going, you want me to put a finger in your ass? And you go, no. But, hey, I do appreciate where your head's at with that.

[Rudy Pavich]

She's like, you're already paying for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like that. So I go. So they go, mayhem, put the stuff away. He put it. No, he put it in the back. So I said, okay, good. Weird, bad timing, but okay, he's doing something. God bless him. So I said, rudy, go to the back where the tools are. And that screwdriver that we need to shut the toilet is going to be sitting with a tall can of WD40. Cause if he put it away, he put it all together, he set it in one place, and you will spot a tall can of WD40 on that back bench, because that's where the tools are. And then Rudy went back there, and he said, no can of WD40, no screwdriver. Nothing is back here. And then I went, now I'm confused because he put it away, and all the tools are in the back. Mayhem went halfway back, turn left, and went down the hall and set it over to the other side.

[Rudy Pavich]

He did half the chore where there.

[Adam Carolla]

Are no tools over There no tools. So I, so I kept saying, he.

[Jamie Lissow]

Just left it out somewhere else.

[Adam Carolla]

I kept saying to Rudy, rudy, find that can at WD40. It's going to be sitting. It's not in a cabinet. He didn't. He set it on something. And wherever that thing is sitting, that, that screwdriver is going to be next to it. And I have no idea why he put it away but didn't put it with all the tools in the back bench. And so Rudy went looking. Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

I went and found. And of course the WD40 was sitting like on, like a bar area and next to it was the flathead screwdriver.

[Jamie Lissow]

That's like the hooker putting your finger in someone else's ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

After offering.

[Adam Carolla]

So he went. Yeah. And a little shot at WD40 for that finger goes in. It's always helped.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Rudy Pavich]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Rudy Pavich]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Rudy Pavich]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Rudy Pavich]

Audible.Com wondery.

[Adam Carolla]

So then Rudy, then it was like I was like air traffic controller trying to talk the housewife into landing the plane. You know, Like, I was like, all right, there should be a brass slot head screw straight. And Rudy's like on the whatever side, like on the metal part. I didn't know if it had a cap back on it or not.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, cap was on it.

[Jamie Lissow]

Is it spilling everywhere as this is happening? It's shooting water on.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's like an inch. Like my shoes are soaked. Water is coming up. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rudy Pavich]

You got pictures? I'll show them to you after the show.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm like, I don't know if there's a cap on there. Cause he could have put the cap back on and now you can't see the brass screw where the screwdriver goes. So I'm like, there should be a cap. It's chrome, it's facing you. It'll be the only nut looking thing I know you've. Rudy figured it out.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. So there was like, it was literally just finger tight. It was like he screwed it on there. I popped it off and then as soon as it came off, I saw where the brass slot was for the flathead. We turned the water off. And Adam is more animated now about it than he was on the phone. Because when he was on the phone he was so just like super level and in my. And I'm freaking out because I'm like, in my mind I'm resorted back to like the 11 year old me that's like, how is this my fault? What did I do? I didn't even touch the toilet. It just started like overflowing everywhere. But I'm gonna get blamed for this somehow.

[Jamie Lissow]

I feel like you could be A. Those 911 operators, those guys are chill no matter what is going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in la they don't even pick up the phone, so that's a good job. So I would be, I would be a hostage negotiator. You know what I mean?

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I'd be like, okay, Sirhan, what do you want on that pizza? Okay, you want cheese in the crust?

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah. And I want a helicopter.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, listen, not for nothing, and there's nothing wrong with the pepperoni, but have you done the sausage on me? You know, most of the saucers speak pizza. They gotta order pizza at some point.

[Rudy Pavich]

Ooh, they gotta deal two stuffed crusts for the price of one.

[Adam Carolla]

Also I'd probably be like, you know, you probably should work a salad in. I don't know much fiber you're getting. And I don't know how many hostages are taking, but it's a long night. Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

Let me suggest the garlic sauce dip. It's pretty damn good, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So there's another vid that I saw that bothered me. I don't know why, but it was a woman and she went to the railing of one of those people movers at the airport and took like a moist towelette and like rubbed it along the. This is Her. First off, any bitches that find germs, I'm fucking done with you. Our problem with our society is too much hand sanitizer, too much sanitizing, not enough germs, not enough immune system, not enough rolling around in the dirt. The reason every kid is fat and allergic to peanuts and has asthma is because of bitches like you who walk around and they wipe everything down and then they give you. Oh. Do you know, it turns out that there are more germs on a payphone than there are on a toilet seat. Yeah, okay. They're germs. There's germs everywhere. Yep, there's germs everywhere. Yeah. You want to know what's in that hot dog? No, I don't. I want to have a beer and a fucking hot dog and you take your fucking haggard ass and move it, because I don't give a fuck.

[Jamie Lissow]

I just heard that the dirtiest. One of the dirtiest things is the self checkout screen. Someone was giving me a scare. They were like, oh, there's drug residue and fecal. And I'm like, what are people touching the screens with? Hunter Biden?

[Adam Carolla]

Everything. Everything on it. I get it. But the airport is a weird thing, because the airport, you know, many people I see kick their shoes off to go through security, and they're barefoot. Like, guys who roll in there with their Crocs and they kick on their bare. Now they're walking barefoot through some of the filthiest carpet and flooring you've seen in your life. And they're walking, right? And then if you said to that person, would you ever get out of your car and just walk through that Sizzler restaurant barefoot? They'd go, no way. No way. Okay, well, what are you doing? What's so sacred about the airport? And then, you see, every time I go to the airport, somebody's bivouacking it, man. They're on the floor. They got their backpack for a pillow. They got a T shirt over their face. They missed their flight, and they're just sprawled out, like, on the carpet, like, okay, do. Do you care about germs or do you not? I don't care about germs. So this bitch, let's watch her. So she takes her, like, moist towelette and she's going to rub it on the black plastic or rubber.

[Jamie Lissow]

She's going to have to wait to go, though, till it goes all the way around.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, I love that she talks to you. You know, how you put your hands on. Yeah, it's Called a railing bitch. Yes, I understand that concept. She's going to wipe it down. Wait, I'll show you in a second. Oh, my God, you guys. Malls. Airports, don't touch this stuff. Malls, don't touch anything. It's got stuff on it.

[Rudy Pavich]

Well, it also goes through, like, a mechanism that is like gears. And there's probably oil and.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, pause it for one second. If you take a moist towelette and take a brand new Goodyear tire out of the store and rub it real hard on the sidewall, it'll be black when you pull the. The towelette away. But anyway, she's gonna. The thing that's great about women is I would just say to her, hey, do you suck cock? Yeah. You ever get a hot load in your mouth? Yeah. You cool with that? Yeah. Okay, then shut the fuck up. Cause I wouldn't be. I'll tell you what I'd rather do. I would rather touch this railing than have a rusty load dropped on my forehead. That's me. But that's me. All right, so she's wiping it down. Just put my hand on there and go. Don't touch anything. Watch this. I don't think it should be that bad. Right? Oh, yeah. Let's see. She's been rubbing on for 20 minutes, by the way.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, hold on. Yeah, when you ride those, you literally grab onto a section that is four inches wide.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Jamie Lissow]

She's.

[Adam Carolla]

She. She did 77 linear feet of railing. So this is not an experiment.

[Jamie Lissow]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, stuff. There's stuff on stuff. It's barely beige. It's barely beige. You can go to any fucking car in America, take that same wet nap and just wipe any seat down and pull it up and go, oh, and who's the cuck, by the way? Who stands next to her?

[Rudy Pavich]

I'd be like.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, sandy. Yeah. Our flight's leaving over here, by the way. If I was the maintenance man, I'd find this and be like, hey, man, I hear there's scuba all over.

[Jamie Lissow]

Oh, that's good.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I'd get her doing it. It'd be like a Tom Sawyer thing. What? Paint the fence?

[Jamie Lissow]

That's so clever.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you go clean it with your wet nap Saturday.

[Jamie Lissow]

That mop is when you're done with the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You gotta check the toilet seat in the men's room, too. Yeah. Bring your wet naps. And then you'd get a raise from your boss. Cause this place is so sparkling clean. Yeah. I got a bunch of dumb bitches wiping shit down. And then the guy's the worst because the guy's like, oh, man. Yeah, yeah, you're right. In the experiment department, if, in fact, you touched a railing, your hand takes up 4 linear inches of rail. If you dragged your hand of 700ft of rail, then. Yes, yeah, yeah, that.

[Jamie Lissow]

Who's touching it? That you'd have to be tripping the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

To do the experiment correctly, she should put it in one spot, go to the end, and then lift it off, in which case there'd be nothing there.

[Rudy Pavich]

Absolutely. Yeah. There was a homeless guy in Vegas a couple nights ago. I was walking into a gas station, and a guy walked out of the bathroom. Homeless guy, no shoes, no shirt. Just. I mean, literally. I mean, he looked like he had just been rolling around in the dirt. And the woman behind me goes, can you believe that that guy had no shoes on? I'm like, yeah, that poor floor. That poor floor is so dirty now. Gross. That's disgusting.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear what the guy. I'm usually more interested in the guys, the enablers.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Jamie Lissow]

I just had a weird thing. I was at the Seattle airport, and I was at, like, this really steep staircase, and I was holding a bag, and I had, like, a backpack on because the escalator was broken. And my wife just said. She goes, you know, she's a doctor. She goes, there's so much. I grabbed the handrail for balance. She's like, there's so many germs and whatever. And I go. I go, but I'll bet there's less on there than in my asshole. And she was like, what? Why would you say that? If I fall down these stairs, you're going to have to wipe my asshole for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

So I think what you meant to say was, thank you for thinking of me.

[Adam Carolla]

Not to mention the digit dropping from the night before.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it was a callback. All right, I want to hear her again. I just. I'm more interested in the guy's role in this because he's an enabler.

[Jamie Lissow]

I wish I could see the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, here it is on these.

[Rudy Pavich]

They are so dirty.

[Jamie Lissow]

They have more germs than the toilet seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll show you.

[Jamie Lissow]

Just watch. You can see it.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, you can see it through there. Okay, just wait. Just wait. I'll show you in a second. This is you guys. Malls, airports. Don't touch this stuff.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's so gross. And this is just a baby wipe.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine your hands. Yeah, I never thought about that.

[Jamie Lissow]

Touch these, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, here you.

[Rudy Pavich]

Do you Touch these. Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy's like one of the guys from the infomercial. You know where they go. You know when you make spaghetti, Tim. And then you got to strain it, but you can't get it out of the pot. It's the worst. Well, now we have the super micro set.

[Jamie Lissow]

You're kidding me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the spaghetti colander built into the pot where you boil the spaghetti.

[Jamie Lissow]

I've always needed that.

[Adam Carolla]

That I always like when the ham do stuff, they go, tim, why don't you go ahead and take that pot of pasta and strain it? Do I have to? Do I really have to?

[Rudy Pavich]

There's got to be a better way.

[Adam Carolla]

There is. Now, one of my favorite videos of.

[Jamie Lissow]

All time is that one where the guy does the ladder. The infomercial for the ladder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

And they show it and he falls off it breaks right in the middle of it.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, shit.

[Jamie Lissow]

It's one of my favorite videos.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great. She says, and this is just a baby wipe. Imagine if it was your hand. Oh, my hand is not made out of moist cloth. I agree. And also, this is why I could never do this. Because I'd be like, look, you want to do this experiment, right? Here's what we're going to do. Put your hand down on 14 inch square of this, go to the other end, then take the baby wipe and wipe your hand. And whatever comes off your hand, that'll work for this experiment. You wiping the entire system down. It's not working.

[Jamie Lissow]

You know what I would do? I would do exactly that. I would go put it on four. And when she went the other side, when she came back, I would have left forever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'd be gone. That's right. Yeah. I want to hear this guy one more time. I mean, I never thought about it.

[Rudy Pavich]

I just put my hand on there and go.

[Jamie Lissow]

I never touched these.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, watch. Watch this. You'll see how gross. I don't think it can be that bad, right? Oh, really? No. Okay.

[Jamie Lissow]

What a simple.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait. Someone was going to be like. I'd be, all right, pause it. Be like, hey, bitch, remember that time in Phoenix when we missed our flight because you're wiping everything down? Remember that one? Remember that one? We missed our connection in Houston because you're fucking wiping down everything in the fucking airport. Put your fucking baby laps back. Let's go get on this fucking plane. And hopefully they got some free booze. Ew. I just felt like I saw dirt. Oh, my God, I saw that dirt. Are you ready, Racy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. It's a different color.

[Jamie Lissow]

I don't think it's that bad.

[Adam Carolla]

If I was in charge, I can pause. If I was in charge of that stretch of people mover at that airport, I'd be pretty happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take it.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. This feels like a fifth grader science experiment. Like, this is what you do when you have nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I don't know why, but for some reason, I look at these videos on the Internet. It's like that a week ago, when the woman discovered the swastika made out of tile in her basement. And I was like, I look at these videos that are supposed to make me feel a certain way about a certain thing, and instead I get angry at the women, which is probably something for me to sort out with a therapist. The women are going, you're supposed to be angry about the previous homeowner with the swastika, or you're supposed to be angry at the airport maintenance crew. But I'm watching your video, and I'm angry at you for doing this. I don't know what that is about me.

[Jamie Lissow]

I got angry at the person that made it a story, that made it a news story, because it seems like you would just tile over it. Why put that out if you don't want to create outrage or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I'm good. I'm glad we're all on the same page with that.

[Rudy Pavich]

They're on the. The tile. I went to Hibbing High School. If you look it up, Hibbing High School is a national landmark. It's an absolutely beautiful, stunning high school. And on the tile, there's small swastikas. And they were put there in, like, the 1930s when it had a different meaning before the Nazis. And everybody says this, I don't know, six, seven years ago, we got to tear these up, and Hibben High School's like pound sand.

[Adam Carolla]

We're not tearing.

[Rudy Pavich]

There's nobody ain't doing that. That's insane. Like, this was built during a time when that didn't mean what it meant. So, no, we're not going to touch it.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. All right. We should take a little break. Rudy's got news. Mm. And we'll do that right after this. O. Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, love me some O'Reilly auto parts. You know the jingle? Oh, oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need for all your maintenance and repairs. Always use these guys. Always have way before they were sponsor of the show. I went in like all you getting my parts, get my truck running. Get my that a Toyota Supra. I used to get parts from them. So old one first gen junker. Anyway, whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto, well, they're knowledgeable, they're helpful and best of all, they are friendly. So what do you do? Well, I would stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam. That's o'reillyauto.com Adam. Homes.com Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site and maybe homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or maybe it'[e-mail] is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring the home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home right, right now, homes.com and that's where I go because I love that that's a hobby. Why not go to the best site? Go to homes.com. we've done your homework.

[Jamie Lissow]

This one guy came up to me after the show and he was like, hey, comedy guy. And I was like, what's up, man? You know, and he goes, what in the heck's a studio apartment? And so I explained to him what it was. He'd never heard of it, you know, and he goes, do you realize for, for that much money that you spent, you could get in this town like a 10 bedroom house on about 20 acres of land? And I was like, I know, man. But the only problem is out the front door you got, you got to live here.

[Adam Carolla]

Jamie Lissow is on the Adam Corolla show. You're not still in Alaska, are you?

[Jamie Lissow]

Actually, I'm still in Alaska.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

So the kids are up there. I go up there. I get them about a week, a month. And so I go up there and hang out with them. But they're getting to the age where they can visit me a little bit more on the road, so it's getting easier.

[Adam Carolla]

But how old are your kids now?

[Jamie Lissow]

They're 10, 14 and 16.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There is a thing which is interesting because I just had this conversation with my daughter today, earlier today who's 19, who spent most of her life kind of going, dad, dad, come on, leave me alone, kind of dad stuff, and not interested in any showbiz or any form of any of that. And so recently, she's been kind of saying stuff like, oh, I was. Do you know this comedian? Or that comedian? And I go, yeah, yeah, there's. Me and him are up on stage in New York. You know Shane Gillis? Yeah, we did a thing in New York. I think it's on the. I think it was a podcast, and you can listen to it if you want. And all of a sudden, she's like, writing me texts like, oh, hey, I was listening to you with the Joe Rogan, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, she's kind of become an adult now. She's kind of waking up a little bit. And then she said to me, just a few hours ago, she goes, I was with my roommate. And she said something like, what's your dad do? Or something. Does your dad do any movies? Or something like that. And then my daughter said, yeah, my dad made a few movies. And then she said, well, why don't we watch one? And they're like. And so me and my friends, we all watched A Hammer last night. We loved it. And I was like, ah, it's so nice. And, you know, I told her, well, yeah, I got a whole. I got books, I got docs, I got season one of this show and season one of that show. Like, you got a lot of catching up to do if you want to see your pops. But it's nice. It's nice that you sort of woke up and you're kind of into it, and it's always surprising to me because my kids were always just like, yeah, yeah, you know, come on, you know, it's very cool.

[Jamie Lissow]

Was the ham. I love that. Was the Hammer where you did the jump rope thing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. The jump rope of your earbuds on, and you can't hear the.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was a. Was a scene that I wrote that I kind of figured out that it took a lot of. Kind of editing or you had to do it. I remember being in the edit bay, like, going, no, you can't just play music through it. You have to have my music when I'm through my pov. And then when she's there, you can't hear anything. You just hear me mugging along with the music. Yeah, yeah. Remember, like, see, yeah, there's a lot of that kind of stuff when you make a movie where you kind of have to figure it out.

[Jamie Lissow]

It's funny, too, with kids. Like, I felt the same with my son, where I didn't feel like he cared about much of the stuff I'm doing. And one of the big ones was he goes, you know Theo Vaughn.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Jamie Lissow]

It's cool when you see your friends sort of, like, become famous and go. And I go. Not only do I go, do I know the Ovan? I'm like, theo Vaughan held you when you were a baby. He came over to my house and whatever. And so I messaged Theo, and I go, dude, my son, like, loves you if you get a second. And Theo left, like, the coolest message about. And Theo's hilarious. So he was like, dude, back then, you know, he's like, you were not contributing at all to the family. And he's like, I have. But, like, that little thing got me so much credit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think they have to go in through the back door. They have to find somebody, and they go, you know this guy? And they go, I know that guy. I've been on a show. He's been on my show, whatever. And they go, oh. And then all of a sudden, it becomes. You become de facto cool because, you know Theo Vaughn. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it's just. It was a weird coinky dink. But, yeah, your kids get older, and they can kind of. Of appreciate things, and they wake up a little. And the good. I mean, I guess the good news is I just told my daughter, I go, look, when I was doing this stuff, you were four, two, or not born or whatever, but now you're an adult, and it's all there if you want to enjoy it. You couldn't do it when you were nine, but you can do it now if you like.

[Jamie Lissow]

Do you think it's like. I feel like for some part of it, as the kids are little, you're just dad, right. You're doing all, like, the dad stuff. And maybe as they get older, then they can sort of appreciate your careers. They get. I'm not. I like little kids. I kind of want them to get old. You know, people go like, oh, it goes by so fast, and they're only little for so long. I like it so much better when they're older.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

I feel like that's just as important of a relationship as the relationship you have when they're little.

[Adam Carolla]

You can talk about real subjects. You can explore spirituality. You can have sex with their friends. I mean, it's all there, you know, once they're all. You know what I'm saying?

[Jamie Lissow]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Not in that order, obviously, but they're. They're adults now. Well, that gives me hope. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, that's right. It's months away for you.

[Rudy Pavich]

I know, right? You had. You had such a nice conversation with your daughter on speakerphone one day, and you were like, well, I was just calling to say hi, and I love you. And she goes, oh, dad, thank you so much. And then you got off the phone, and I was like, I'll never have that conversation with my daughter. And you said, give it time. When they're in their 20s or like their early teens, late teens is when. And all sort of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it does. She became a very different person a little later in life.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, news.

[Rudy Pavich]

Let's do it, huh? Kamala Harris on Biden and first excerpt from the new memoir, It Was Recklessness. Her new book says that Biden's team undermined her as vice president. In the new book that's coming out was 107 days, she talks about the attacks Biden and his team had against not only her, but also against Donald Trump. She says that when it comes to the prospect of Biden running again. And whenever she brought it up, the standard response in the White House was always, it's Joe and Jill's decision. It was kind of a mantra. It had us all hypnotized. Was it grace or was it recklessness? In retrospect, I think it was recklessness.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, it's funny. I was watching the news and I had a clip, and they go like, finally we get to hear what Kamala thinks and saw and heard, you know, finally her voice. And I'm like, is it. I have no reason to believe that someone else did just write this or she. I mean, she obviously ghost wrote it, but I believe so little of what she says that even when she writes a book, I go, yeah, I don't know. Did she say that? I don't know. She work at McDonald's? I don't know.

[Jamie Lissow]

I would listen to the audiobook if she drank the whole time and got progressively drunker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Towards the end, I would listen the shit out of that.

[Jamie Lissow]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're right.

[Jamie Lissow]

All of it is so put through a processor.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything she says, yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

Do you know Biden's the only guy to have an autobiography that was ghostwritten?

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Jamie Lissow]

I'm just kidding.

[Rudy Pavich]

Somebody sent me the other day, a liberal friend of mine. It was basically a meme that just Said Democratic Party expresses interest in a Harris AOC 2028 ticket. And I was like, that's never gonna happen.

[Jamie Lissow]

Oh, I thought you meant a fight at first.

[Rudy Pavich]

Wouldn't that be amazing? Yeah. Sponsored by Don King. That would be so amazing. But I was like, first off, there's no way. Because I'm looking at the stuff that Gavin Newsom is doing, and that is the route that OB gonna start taking is trying to go more down on what they think Trump's level is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's doing Trump stuff. He's trying to troll also. They all have to tack back toward the middle. And it's kind of a weird thing where you go, well, what happened to all your crazy ideas that nobody liked? And it's like, Well, I was 59 and a half. I was a young man full of foolish dreams. I was thinking back then. I was thinking back then. I was barely 41 years out of college, you know, still sleeping on a futon. Like, yeah, what about all the shit you said when you're in your 40s and 50s? Like, nah, nah, nah, I'm moving. I'm going this way now. And I'm like, I don't know if I believe you, but why should I believe you? If the other guy never was saying that shit, then why don't we just go with him? Like, I basically said, look, you go, look, who's going to watch your. You know, who's going to watch your young twins when you go out to dinner and a movie, you go, well, there's Jamie over here. Then there's Rudy. Now, Rudy used to be a pedophile, but he says, no more.

[Rudy Pavich]

I'm very clean. He says he's clean ever since Chris Hansen.

[Adam Carolla]

Once they turn 18, Jamie's never been a pedophile. And then someone's going, well, why don't we go with Rudy? Because he says he's not a pedophile anymore. And I go, how about we just go with a guy who's never a pedophile? Like, he never. You. This person says they wanted to end fracking, and then you go, but we want fracking. Yeah. No, she says she changed her mind. Like, okay, she changed her mind about a bunch of shit that we don't want, but maybe she didn't. Yeah, but why don't we just go with the person that never said that?

[Rudy Pavich]

Are you telling me I bought all this candy for nothing? Ace? Son of a bitch.

[Jamie Lissow]

I just want to thank you for making me that half of the analogy.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a choice. That's Right.

[Rudy Pavich]

Whoopi Goldberg says that she is too poor to retire from the View because she did not marry well, apparently she has a net worth of 60 million with an annual salary of 80 million. But saying that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, wait, annual salary of what?

[Rudy Pavich]

I'm sorry. I say I'm sorry. I say 80. Sorry. An annual salary of 8 million. Sorry about that. Yeah. The 69 year old comedian. Which, by the way, should we call her a comedian? No, no, that is. I was thinking about it on the way in today because somebody brought her up to me. We do not hold in reverence any Whoopi Goldberg special. Even the times that she did. What was it with Billy Crystal? What was the thing that she always. Comic Relief, whatever it was.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, Comic Relief.

[Rudy Pavich]

No one gives a shit about any of that stuff. All the comedies that she did in the 80s and early 90s were absolute trash. Nobody watches those movies. We can't call her a comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, hold on. Have you seen Jumping Jack Flash?

[Rudy Pavich]

Many.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, burglar. Yeah, A cat. Okay. I always like when people say this, like you're talking to some plumber, some housewife. You go, $80 million a year for the year. Oh, I should take that job. I don't think. I don't know if that's going to work. You'd have to take your tool bags off and everything. You got to drive your van to New York, go get that job. You know, I like when people do that. But first off, she's sort of the opposite of funny. Like, there are people that aren't comedians, but they're still kind of clever and they're still kind of interesting. They're kind of funny. Jesse Waters is not a comedian, but he's funny on his show and could be funny on the Five or whatever. She doesn't attempt to do comedy number one. I don't know when the last time she was funny. And you're right, I don't know if she was ever fucking funny. So it's a weird, weird mantle to have.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, I don't like that haircut. She has a hair. I don't know if she still has it, but it looks like she was getting a haircut and then the power went out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Still worse than the power surge guy. That's. That's the worst.

[Jamie Lissow]

Can I ask you a question? So I think it's interesting when people make what is, what is objectively like a ton of money and then they have financial problems. Do you have Adam as literally a millionaire? Did you feel like you had a good Grasp because you grew up the way you grew up of not. Not, like, outliving your means. Do you still have, like, this mindset of, like, I can't. Because it sounds like this is some bad. She's making a lot of money to say she can't retire. Like, how does that happen? Is it, like, overspending or bad? Like, how does this. I don't. I can't wrap my head around it.

[Adam Carolla]

You basically, it depends. A lot of it has to do with your partner. I mean, if you got screwed in a divorce or you'd have a partner that just spends and doesn't think about it, whatever. I had that. So that doesn't help at all. There's partners that are successful lawyers and business savvy and do all that. That's a different direction. I think what happens to a lot of people is you end up sort of spending the amount that you make, and that's where people get into trouble. You just. You go, how do you spend $5 million a year? It's like, well, at some point you made 100 grand a year, and that's how much you spent. And at some point earlier than that, you made $19,000 a year. And, like, that's how much you spent. There's a way of spending as much as you make, right? And then you get to Whoopi and you go, where's all the money? And she's like, I can't stop working. I spend as much as I make. But what was her husband situation?

[Rudy Pavich]

She was talking about she didn't marry well and that she still considers herself to be working class. One of the things she talks about.

[Adam Carolla]

Is, well, this is. She considers herself working class.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. She goes, I appreciate that people are having a hard time. Me too. I work for a living. If I had all the money in the world, I would still be here. Okay, so I'm a working person. My kid has to feed her family, and my great granddaughter has to be fed by her family, which I don't understand what that has in any way.

[Adam Carolla]

But we're circling back to. We were Posh Spice explaining. She's saying, first off, everyone on the left have to go. They're working class. They're working class. First off, she works on tv, so it's not like she's on the roof. Number one. The only pain in the ass, like, literally the tough part about work, if you're doing work for tv, is the women. And it's sort of hair, makeup, wardrobe, like, they're there two hours early. She shows up in a bathrobe. She literally works in a bathrobe and doesn't appear to have hair and makeup. So whatever the difficult part of work and never seems informed. Not like she's doing her homework or anything. So if I showed up to the.

[Jamie Lissow]

Cast of the View and I needed to find hair and makeup, I wouldn't ask Whoopie where I was. You know?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Where's craft service? Joy? Oh, you just handed me your bagel. Okay, thank you.

[Jamie Lissow]

Where's the rope department?

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. Hey, speaking of Joy Behar, I'd love to go.

[Adam Carolla]

The rogue department. Do you have something in a Klan?

[Rudy Pavich]

Speaking of Joy Behar, did you see this video that just came out the other day?

[Adam Carolla]

She's wiping down the railing at. At the music hall.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yep. While she was doing that, she was also talking about Trump and how he is to blame for. You guys were talking about this the other day. The murder of that poor woman in Charlotte on the bus.

[Adam Carolla]

He's the blame.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. He's to blame. Yeah. It's not the Democrats that let him out of jail 14 times. It's actually Trump who cut funding to mental health. You know what, Whoopi, I have to say.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me just say. So if y' all could stop cutting funding. A good one for places. But that's why it is political. How about that?

[Rudy Pavich]

That is exactly why it is a political situation. Because in the first 40 days of the Trump administration, this one, they terminated 128 grants from the National Institute of Mental Health. In May, they cut $1 billion in federal grants for mental health services.

[Adam Carolla]

One billion.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yes. And then they talk about, oh, mentally ill people are with the guns and mentally ill people are killing, blah, blah, blah. But then they cut the services.

[Adam Carolla]

I also.

[Rudy Pavich]

So it is political.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we spent 24 billion on homelessness, and we have not nothing. So it's a weird thing. Everything for them is about money. We spend more on education than almost every other nation, or maybe every other. And we have the worst results. So what do you mean, money? Where is the money? Look, family. These people don't have a family. They don't have a network. The guy probably never met his dad. And that's what. They never talk about that. And they're always like, we need funding. We need funding. First off, how much money can you spend? Like, here's the deal. We have the most expensive gas in the nation is in California, and we have the worst roads. You go through. I was in Alabama. The roads are beautiful. You go to Tennessee, the Roads are beautiful. You pay half the gas, you get twice the road. So where is this connection? You know what I mean? Like la, New York. We spend the most on students. We get the worst fucking results. Where is, is this money thing? It's like saying you're in horrible shape. You have to give your personal trainer more money. It's like, or you could stop eating so much shit and start getting some exercise. What about a personal trainer? If we got everyone, everyone. A personal trainer is not gonna fucking work if they don't do the diet and the exercise.

[Jamie Lissow]

And you're right, it's almost posturing to go, we spent this much on mental health if the results aren't there, like, if you see a big fat dude and he goes, hey, well, I'm spending a hundred grand a year on a trip, it doesn't matter.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like a fat guy, right?

[Jamie Lissow]

It's not doing anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, family, family, family, family. They're nuts. I mean, it's an issue, it's a thing. I've been, I brought it up a thousand times. And they always argue. Oh, you can find the Huffington Post clip again, Andrew, just because it makes me laugh. I've been saying my entire life, just basically, family and education. Family, where's the family? Keep the family together. These people are suffering because their families are busted up. The black community is doing horribly because their families are busted up. Somebody needs to talk about this. It's always now that we need more resources. Resources for what? After school programs, free lunches, where they eat slop. Tell me what? And by the way, how long have you been wanting more resources to do what? Throw more money and a problem that's getting worse. Or we could do family and education, but all they do is fucking argue. And so when I was on HuffPo like 15 years ago, I was like, family and education. And the bitch who was interviewing me was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second, wait a minute. I've said it a million times, everyone's fat. Yeah, good. Diet and exercise. Yeah, but what about diet and exercise? Well, what about my personal metabolism? Diet and fucking exercise. That's it. Diet and exercise. Yeah, but other people process food in a different diet and exercise. I'm just telling you, diet and exercise. You can go to the fucking park and do chin ups and do push ups. Guys in prison are jacked. I've seen Con Air, Nick Cage on plumbing. There's a lot of plumbing going through. I bet there's much less actual plumbing going through. A lot of, there's always doing the chin ups. They do the chin ups on the plumbing.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's all the pecs now. They don't have any copper pipe going through there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they got the pecs. Yeah. It's too flexible. You're right. You're right. It's flexible. It's not going to work. You can't do chin ups on pecs. I know. My grandpa told me that when I was a young lad. Yep. And you can't pull wire through. Romex, man.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. Now you sound like Jamie's wife.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, pax is the romance of. Of pecs is to plumbing what Romex is to electric.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, gotcha.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. But not conduit. Okay. The whole point is you can just do push ups in your cell.

[Jamie Lissow]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can do chin ups on your plumbing and you can be jacked. Or you can just keep saying what if. What about what if? What about. And this is me. It's actually just audio. Cause we couldn't find the vid. But this chick 15 years ago. Hold on, just. So here's the whole point. I made the mistake of saying diet and education or. Sorry, diet and exercise. Education, family. Just education, family. You want to fix all this shit? Stay intact, educate family and feed your own fucking kids and make them breakfast and make them lunch and get the fucking family involved. And eternal turned into a controversy. Literally controversy. Like the same controversy like when Bill Maher during COVID was like, hey, if everyone's fat is dying, maybe we should start talking about dieting. And they were like, he's gonna body shame people. No, the guy who's in shape is talking about people getting in shape so they don't die. Is that. Yeah. What kind of met. Oh, he's an evil guy. Evil guy. Because you're 13 and you're morbidly obese and you have diabetes already. Like, who's the bad guy? So I'm always just like, family and education. And then the word got out to Huffington Post and they had to settle my hash. And this is what it sounded like. Sorry. And the whole idea was to get out of that hard work. Education, family. That's true, but that's old fashioned, Adam.

[Jamie Lissow]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so anyway, there we go. Here's the clip. Family and education. I mean, I'm not Christian or anything. They're not gonna solve everything. It would solve everything. Yeah. Just family and education. What about, you know, the drug war that we have?

[Jamie Lissow]

That's failing.

[Adam Carolla]

What about the prison pipeline? Things like this, the school to prison pipeline. If you focused on education, I Think would interrupt the school to prison pipeline? Well, the problem is that schools, unless there's schools, Unless the schools are maybe.

[Jamie Lissow]

Not focusing on any education so much as we are.

[Adam Carolla]

So anyway, what about. What about. What about all this other fucking external shit that doesn't amount to anything? Hey, bitch. Family and education, diet and exercise. We're done. We're fucking done. It's always like, money, more grants, more money. We need to study this. You don't need that. You just need to get back to fucking diet and exercise. We're falling apart because we're getting away from this thing. Why is everything money? I scream about it all the time. It doesn't take money to feed your kids. It takes a fucking mom and a dad. Dad with the will to feed their kids to be healthy. It's easily done. Is hard. Boil a bunch of eggs and cook up some rice and beans and whatever. It's not going out to eat, but it's healthy. Yeah, Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

I think it's weird when people go like. Like someone will come up on the road and be like, oh, man, you stay in shape. Like, what do you do? Because it's always diet and exercise. It's never like, oh, I have these special shoes, right? You can eat whatever you want. It's worthy. It's always the same. Everyone knows how to do it. It's just not easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sucks. Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

Nobody wants it, but, yeah, it is funny how you can hear it in her voice, too. How condescending it is. She has no absolute Steiner, just Steiner. That's it. That's all it is, really. That's all it is. Yeah. We've been going through this shit in Minneapolis because the school shooting that happened at Annunciation, we were very directly affected to it. My girlfriend's son attends that school. Her children all went to that school. And everybody who is just. You're trying to come up with some sort of answer to something. Like, I had one idea, and I'm like, this isn't even a good idea. It's probably the worst idea ever, but it is an idea. And I said, listen, people who don't get to take maternity leave anymore. My daughter's 17. I'm never having kids ever again. How about once a year we just get to have a week off of work and paid, and we just go stand in front of the school just to, like, keep an eye on shit. It might not deter somebody with a gun to come in, but it's an idea. It's something we can implement. And everyone goes, oh, that's all it takes. Takes. That's all it takes. I'm like, no dipshit, but it's an idea and it's something that we can at least try. Just try it. What's the harm in that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, love me some O'Reilly auto parts. You know the jingle. Oh, oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need for all your maintenance and repair. Always use these guys. Always have. Way before they were sponsor of this show, I went in like all you getting my parts, get my truck running, get my dad a Toyota Supra. I used to get parts from them. So old one, first gen junker. Anyway, whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto, well, they're knowledgeable, they're helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So what do you do? Well, I would stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam this September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.

[Rudy Pavich]

I'm coming in hot.

[Adam Carolla]

For this month only. You can watch full seasons of the.

[Jamie Lissow]

CBS CBS shows you love.

[Adam Carolla]

From the courtroom drama of Matlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to where it all began in NCIS origins or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love. This month only on Pluto tv Stream now pay never I you brought up school shootings. And yesterday I looked up in one of my books, I'm youm Emotional Support Animal. I think the name of the book. But I found this thing that was an op ed that I printed in the book that was from the LA Times about school shootings and guns. And I had to, I read it. I hadn't read it in a long time since I wrote the book. And I realized how insane it sounded this op ed and I forgot how nuts it was. But to your point, I've said, yeah, like, my whole life. I go like, how about we just, let's just do this. And people are like, that's never gonna. And like, how about we do something? Your plan is you want some sort of gun buyback, ban something, background check, something that's just, it's never gonna happen. And if it does, it's not gonna affect anything. And I'm saying, why don't we do something that might affect something? And you're arguing it's like the whole time. And this was a. And Dawson will read it when he finds it. But this was arming teachers, right? And my thing with arming teachers and whoever disagrees with you is always like, oh, so we should just take Glocks and put them in a pinata and have all the kids beat it until the guns fall out and then whoever grabs the gun, the first, first I'm like, no, there's plenty of people associated with the school that were ex cops or Marines or service people that have experience with firearms. And we'd find that person and then what we do is we'd put them through a program and then that person would have a weapon on them if they were the janitor or the history teacher, because the history teacher could be a decorated marine of 14 years.

[Rudy Pavich]

Fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Then he'll go through the search, then he'll have a fucking gun. And then if the shooting starts, he'll be able to fire back. Your plan is everyone hides under the desks until the person executes them and they go like, well, we can't. So this was the LA Times. And you have to just listen how nuts this is. And I can't remember the woman who wrote this. She's probably still working there. This is her answer to this. But you have to really listen to it. We listen to the bleatings of the gun enthusiasts that, well, if those teachers had guns, well then this wouldn't have been as bad. Been as bad. Think about that. If a pistol strapping chemistry teacher had grabbed her.45 and unloaded on today's gunman after he was killed, after he killed what, one student? Three. Five. That would be good news. Well, yeah, of course it would be good news, you fucking imbeciles. That's me talking now. Like, yeah, but there's that. Repeat it where she goes wouldn't have been as bad. Yeah, think about that. Well, there's airplane crashes where everyone on the airplane dies and then there's airplane crashes where half the people on the airplane die, which aren't as bad as the ones where everyone dies. That's a pretty easy math. And yeah, in this particular shooting, I think eight kids were killed. But if the teacher with the.45 returned fire and only three people were killed, then it'd be a lot better for the five kids and their family that they weren't amongst the victims. This is an op ed making the point that you shouldn't have guns in there. And in doing so, they're making my point. They're actually making the point for Having the guns read again, it's crazy. We listen to the bleatings of gun enthusiasts. That, that, well, if those teachers had guns, then this wouldn't have been as bad. Been as bad. Think about that. I thought about it. I don't want it to be as bad. If a pistol strapping chemistry teacher had grabbed her.45 and unloaded on today's gunman after he killed what, one student? Yeah. 3. Better. 5. That would be good news. It would be good news if the final number's eight. In a sea of bad news. It would be good news if one died versus eight. I don't know. This fucking nut is. This is how they think, by the way. This is like I'm gonna write an op ed for the LA Times and I'm gonna prove to you that this is my point. Except for you're making everyone else's. You're making the NRA's point.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, he shouldn't have said think about it. Cause that's when I realized it was stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, with 17 people. I don't know if it's 17. 14 students. I don't remember. I just had a vague recollection that. Well, if one. Well, let's keep doing your math. What if nobody was killed? Would that be yes, it would be better. It would be better. It would all be better than whatever that final number is.

[Rudy Pavich]

There was a shooting at a Palestinian bus stop the other day. I don't know if you guys saw.

[Adam Carolla]

This, but I don't know gay slang, but keep going. I gotta look that move up. You ever had the Palestinian bus stop? Hey, you think what was on that railing was dirty? Wait, you get a Palestinian bus stop, there ain't enough wet nap son to ever clean up that mess.

[Jamie Lissow]

I wanted to, it was just such an upcharge.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also something that your agent threatens you with. You don't go on this dish, you're gonna be working at Palestinian bus stop. Okay. Jesus Christ, you never listen. Yeah, all right, sorry. Palestinian bus stop.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, And I believe you'd have to look it up. But I do believe that after whatever it was, three or four, four people were killed and 17 were injured. That the gunmen were taken out by an off duty police officer and somebody who was strapping who was legal to carry a firearm in balance. Yeah. So obviously you're proving the point.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's just put it to you this way. We all have kids. If your kid was in the third grade and you heard that there was a school shooting at your kid's School. Would you prefer that their teacher, their homeroom teacher, that happened during homeroom or something? If you knew that that person had a gun and was trained, would you feel better knowing no other information, or would you like this op ed bitch be praying that that teacher had no gun in this situation? If the answer is as I would feel better waiting for the news to come out, knowing that Mr. Johnson used to be a cop and had a 9 millimeter in his desk, then, yeah, I'd be happy to hear that news.

[Rudy Pavich]

Of course, I went to school in northern Minnesota.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it was a Jerusalem bus stop.

[Rudy Pavich]

The Jerusalem bus stop. I apologize.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right.

[Jamie Lissow]

I think that's more guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I got that moved, too. Six Israelis were. Were killed by Palestinian gunmen at Jerusalem bus stop. Right. But could have been 16.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, it's not as bad. Think about that.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, think about it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a little like a dance, too. The Jerusalem bus stop.

[Jamie Lissow]

It does a lot of snapping of fingers.

[Rudy Pavich]

Got the symbols on the fingers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

I apologize. This came in right before we walked in, so I haven't a chance to read it, but we figured something that you'd be pretty interested in. Ace. $100 million in LA Wildlife Aid is being doled out to fund pet clinics, del projects, and fungus planting. Not a dime has gone directly to victims.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, did you say wild? Oh, he said wildlife aids. Wildfire.

[Rudy Pavich]

Sorry, did I say wild? No, no, no. Oh, so Louisiana Wildfire aid is being doled.

[Adam Carolla]

Wildfire.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, sorry. Yeah, so there was. Yeah, there's a. Sorry. Like I said, I hadn't had a chance to read this yet. So they're talking about the 100 million that Lady Gaga and Billie Eilish helped for LA wildfires in January. They're saying struggling locals have never seen a dime of any of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's kind of a weird thing because California doesn't have any of the sort of hallmarks of corruption, because the thing. It's an interesting. Well, I guess we're gonna end up talking about what we were talking about before, which is when I grew up, corrupt politicians had pinky rings and they smoked cigars and they called black people boy and son and they had, like. They looked like greedy, greasy. They wore, like, cowboy boots with their suits, you know, and they smoked cigars and they smacked their secretary on the ass when they left. And they laughed real hard. California's got a bunch of, like, women and progressives and folks that dress down and they're kind of frumpy. They don't have any of the earmarks of like slimy corrupt politician, but yet we waste more money and give more money to the politician's daughter who's running the nonprofit and whatever. And her salary's 700k a year and nothing ever fucking to homeless. First things first, they start a foundation and they give it some name like ahead now, are all kids ahead now? Or some sort of, some sort of loves and bloom or some sort of bullshit. And then they just take tons of money and waste it or spend it on themselves. But they don't have, we got this sort of laid back board shorts flip flop. We don't have greasy on the take politicians, but I think we're more corrupt than any other state because we get less results. We get $14 billion into a train that we're gonna scrap. We get 24 billion into homeless, we get more homeless. We don't. And there's all these NGOs and all these foundations and whenever there's a big pot of money and it turns out everyone, like when I was convinced, I thought the only bad politicians are men and they're Republicans. Those are the ones that are on the take. Those are the ones that are getting the kickbacks from the oil companies and stuff like that. Turns out women, women are just as fucking bad as dudes. Like maybe worse. Or they don't do as good a job of covering their tracks. And just as fucking greedy. And the Democrats are just as greedy, if not more so. And so California, $100 million. No one will ever see that. It just goes to all these foundations. And what are they worried about?

[Rudy Pavich]

They're worried about, they're worried about DEI projects, pet clinics and fungus plants.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's the thing about the DEI stuff. You want to start a foundation and you want to make it about invisible shit where there's not a real problem. Because if your foundation is Dentists Without Borders, then someone's going to go, how many times you've been to Africa and how many feelings have you feel, well, I've never been to Africa and we've never actually done it. Then it's like, fuck you. And if you, if your thing is like you have a foundation that repairs roofs, people are gonna wanna see how many roofs you've worked on and what the situation is. When you do a thing where you go, I do equity, I do fairness. Our foundation is about children having a seat at the table. Every voice being heard like, okay, there's no way.

[Jamie Lissow]

You can't quantify that.

[Adam Carolla]

Never gets quantified, like, what'd you do? I went down to LA Valley College and went. And we had somebody speak to the students. Like, all right, did any. What did they speak about? Like, how did this work? What do you mean? A seat at the table. Like, how does this work? So you make it about. You give it some euphemistic title. You make it about some invisible bullshit that can never really be tracked. And you hear it all the time. It's like, oh, the government gave the military 2 billion for DEI or whatever. It's like, well, what came out the other end? I don't know. You can't measure it. You can't give someone a billion dollars to build a stadium. At some point we need a stadium. Someone's gonna go, where's the fucking stadium? Stadium.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, well, you know, luckily they didn't build any new homes or playgrounds or schools, but a group who makes podcasts about the wildfires received $100,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So that hundred million dollars is never gonna find its way. Also, they're not interested in giving those people money. Those aren't their friends, those are victims. Right. So it'll never come out the other end. It'll. And it's weird how much of that there is in California. I mean, how much of the 24 billion for homeless was just grift, like, where'd it go? It all went to foundations. Foundations that do what? Foundations that go away if you fix homelessness. So here we are. Yes, doc. Foundations that feed money back into Gavin Newsom. Right. So it's one big shitty corruption drift. And like I said, nothing comes out the other end. Where is the train? $24 billion. SoFi was built for 5.5 billion. 5.5. Shouldn't we be driving down the 110 freeway and see a giant homeless facility, like some 10 story thing with subterranean parking and a hospital and a mental. Shouldn't we be passing that on the way to the airport instead of just like looking at squalor and more people sleeping on the floor and on the parks? It's like, where is this thing? Where's the housing? Where's all these units you were going to build? Like, I don't, I don't get where the.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Where the stuff is.

[Jamie Lissow]

And there's no penalty for not having any results. Like there's. They don't give the money back. They don't have to show anything. It's cr. Yeah, they're. By the way, it did not. That billion dollars did. They're still out there, the homeless. I just saw some like it's not. It's not working.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing's working. And there's a bunch of poor people in Altadena who never got a penny.

[Jamie Lissow]

Yeah, but those podcasters.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

You know, I saw a guy. I keep seeing guys yelling at themselves, which I know is clearly like a mental health issue, obviously. Always yelling at this. And if I. If I ever become homeless, I'm gonna make an invisible friend. That's nice to me.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

Do you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Someone.

[Jamie Lissow]

You know, I'm like, what'd you just say? Oh, this whole thing. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

You know why he's got to be so aggressive?

[Adam Carolla]

Complimentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Lissow]

This is a new haircut. Thank you.

[Rudy Pavich]

Luckily, those podcasts were sponsored by BetterHelp, so you can get yourself some mental health after that.

[Adam Carolla]

See, look at that. Yeah. The sad part is everyone is greedy. Everyone just fucking wants money and they want to do nothing to earn it. And as I was saying to Dr. Drew, Everybody, it turns out that at everyone's core, AOC and Bernie Sanders are going out on the Stop the Oligarchy tour, but they're flying privately and first class and staying in thousand dollar a night suites and stuff like that. I'm like, the reason this experiment won't work is because that's everyone's default setting. Everybody's default setting is I'm out there fighting for working class people. You want to fly private? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, we'll do that. Well, you want to stay in the basement of the Airport Hilton, or would you like to stay in the presidential suite? I'll do that second. It's got a tub. It's got jacuzzi tub. That's where all that. We're all there. And it's weird. We do this thing all the time. Like, as a poor woman, as a black woman, I understand. It's like as soon as the money kicked in, it's like. But I'm doing every single thing I've been criticizing the whole time. And I realize, I think the only person I've ever met that doesn't have that quality. Like I've said, my mom. I learned most of these lessons from my mom because she was like sort of welfare and food stamps and a lot of rich people don't pay taxes and these people don't have enough and all this kind of stuff. Meanwhile, she never did anything and just wanted free shit, but had a great rap about the indigenous people and all that kind of stuff, and would have hated a guy like Elon Musk or Hated Elon Musk. But Elon Musk created 2 billion jobs and pays 2 trillion in taxes. And you've paid nothing, and you create nothing and you create no jobs. But she'd still say, he's the problem. Now, her true colors came out a million years ago during Mother's Day when I brought a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne, literally, a millionaire, by the way, over to my grandma's house, her mom's house, for Mother's Day. And I just brought it and I brought it and I set it down in the entree like when it came in. In my grandma's house. And then at some point. Sorry if you heard this one, but it's been a minute. My mom. But it's kind of. It shows her wiring and it shows all progressives. Wirings. She was always a champion of the poor people and the indigenous people and any ethnicity other than her own and all. All that. And at some point, she saw the bottle of Dom Perignon and she said, oh, Adam has generously brought this bottle of Dom. May we sample your Dom Perignon, Adam? We could all have a little taste. And I go, oh, it's not mine. It's yours, because that's your Mother's Day gift. And she went, oh. And she hid it under her sweater because when it was mine, she wanted everybody to have some, including her. Now the bottle's yours. See, I want to write a book called what Happens when youn Become the Man. Because now she became the man. She was the one with the Dom Perignon. And what did she do? The only people in that house were her mom, her husband, her son and her daughter. That's the only people in the house. And she hid it.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because she didn't want to share.

[Rudy Pavich]

Of course not.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jamie Lissow]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim. Carolla. My dad. He's not viable. He's uncorruptible. He is the guy. Like, he could walk into the hotel and you'd go, jim, we're gonna give you the presidential suite. Yeah, well, we got this beach town. You just sort of lay it out in the buffet and opens about six. So they'll wake you up. And he'd go, okay, can I have some tap water? And he'd just go sit there on the tile and sleep. He's the only guy I've never met who doesn't want a steak in a martini. Couldn't be bought. Doesn't care, doesn't know. Doesn't want a Cadillac or Rolls Royce. Doesn't want anything. Doesn't.

[Jamie Lissow]

No, thanks to the Dom Would he have said, I'm good?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my dad would come over for Thanksgiving and you go, hey, you want a glass of wine or a cocktail or something? He'd go, no, I'm good. And you go, some tea or Diet Coke or something? Something. Fine. You go. Some bubbly water, Some sparkling water. Let's just sit. Tap water's fine. Just sit there at Thanksgiving, like, drinking tap water. And then, you know, he'd have his. My stepmom drive home because he'd have three, four glasses of tap water and have to, you know. No, my dad couldn't be bought. I don't think my dad. He's literally. He is the only person I ever met who doesn't want that shit. Everyone has else. No one else wants to pay for it. But if you're paying for it, they're in. They want it. AOC talks a good story, but she wants to go to the Met ball with a $50,000 dress on, right?

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, I can't wait to get to that level. Oh, I can't wait for people to start bribing me. I will take any and all bribes. I will go to every Met Ball. I will fly privately. I will go to every presidential suite. I don't give a shit. I'm tired of La Quintas. I'm tired of living in. I hate it. I can't wait for that day.

[Jamie Lissow]

I'm jealous that I bought my mom bottle of domera this Mother's Day.

[Adam Carolla]

The funniest champagne ever, by the way. Who says that day's coming? I mean, I'm not here to burst your bubble, but it's not. It may have come if it was.

[Rudy Pavich]

You're right. Hey, listen, there's always got to be something. It's hope. Remember, we have a conversation, it's always hope.

[Adam Carolla]

It is hope and no change. Let's give you a plow because that day's coming. Coming fast for Rudy Pavic, who is very funny. El Paso tonight, Comic strip through Sunday and then, wow, Snarky Loon Brewing.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, I got a little.

[Adam Carolla]

It's in Minnesota.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. Brewery tour happening Jenkins, Minnesota, on October 3rd. October 4th. You can catch me at Beaver Island Brewing in St. Cloud, Minnesota.

[Adam Carolla]

Jamie's got Irvine improv coming up 12th through the 14th. Great club, good dates over there. And you can go to jamielazzow.com for all the live days. That's right. Uh huh. Me. Albuquerque, New Mexico, September 26th. I don't know if you're going to that one, Rudy, or not. Chemo theater and then Flagstaff, Arizona at the Orpheum Theater. That'll be the 27th. Come back at Kimmel's Club early October. Just go to AdamCroll.com for all the live shows. Until next time, Sam For Jamie and Rudy saying mahalo, pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Corolla at AdamCorola.com this September, CBS Hits are streaming free on Pluto TV. I'm coming in hot for this month only. You can watch full CBS of the CBS shows you love, from the courtroom drama of Matlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to where it all began in NCIS Origins or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv. Stream now pay Never. This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto tv. I'm coming in hot for this month only. You can watch full seasons of the CBS shows you love, from the courtroom drama of Matlock to the heroics of Fire country.

[Jamie Lissow]

Go back to where it all began.

[Adam Carolla]

In NCIS Origins or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts. All for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv. Stream now pay Never.