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Transcript1,339 lines
- [00:01]
Adam Carolla
I'm right about a lot of things.
- [00:02]
JB Smoove
That people have zero clue that they.
- [00:04]
Adam Carolla
Even know is going on. Oh.
- [00:06]
JB Smoove
Oh, okay.
- [00:07]
Adam Carolla
HBO Max presents a new comedy series, the Chair Company. You've been distracted, Ron.
- [00:12]
Allison Rosen
I feel like you're hiding something.
- [00:13]
Adam Carolla
There's so much badness in this world from the creators of I Think youk Should Leave People Are Nuts out There starring Tim Robinson. Oh my God, you're disgusting. These are my work clothes. The HBO original series the Chair Company premieres this Sunday at 10pm on HBO Max. Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics available exclusively through Podcast one Plus.
- [00:59]
Brian Bishop
Sign up today for ad free archives.
- [01:01]
Adam Carolla
Of this program and if you'd like.
- [01:02]
JB Smoove
To get ad free archives of the.
- [01:03]
Adam Carolla
Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, or just access the exclusive brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla substack adamcorla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com let's get to the clips coming up. First we have ADAM Corolla Show 740 featuring the great JB Smoove, Alison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2012. Good day, bald Brian. Drunk. I'm drunk. Yeah, well, I had a few beers myself on the plane. I left D.C. this morning. Hello. Oh, yeah, hey, Allison Rosen. Hello. Oh, I left D.C. this morning. Would have been LA time. Would have been about 6am so we were up early, did a couple shows. Oh boy. Where do we begin? Lots of Tales from the Road. First A. I don't know where to start. I should. Well, here's something that's funny for the folks that like to laugh at me. Like my wife for not being able to spell because she got into it the other day too. She was like, by the way, Alison with a Y. You should have known that. And I was like, all right, but listen. All right, but you got to see it on a piece of paper. And you have to realize we've created a nutty world filled with fucked up people and stupid names and nothing makes sense anymore. In the past, if you saw a name that said, if you saw a name that said Anthony, you just go. You'd fix the typo. Like the doctor would fix Anthony. He'd just go, oh, I'm gonna fix that. That's Anthony.
- [02:38]
Brian Bishop
That's right.
- [02:39]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, whatever it was. I mean, especially in Los Angeles and in New York. There's people from all over the world. We have a million and one cultures. And everyone spells something different, does something different. So. But anyway, just in the world of the stupid. I'm backstage. We're doing a show in North Carolina and I'm backstage and they give me some of the posters to sign. They always put a stack of these things and you just sign them. They're the posters they use for the show. Some of them have names of staff members. So I'm signing and signing some names and some just signing my name. And the name before it is Aurora. A U R O R A Aurora. And then I throw that one aside and it says generic. And I start writing. I get G E, N. And then I stop and go, dear God, it's a big poster. I got the G E. And I would argue that the weirdo Aurora name, which is not a weird name, but it's a weird name when you're looking at it. It's like the name of a spacecraft or something. It's not a human being's name. Something that Buick would put out or something. But. And I was doing the signing, they're like, whatever it said on the tag is. Whatever I'd write.
- [03:53]
Allison Rosen
It was.
- [03:54]
Adam Carolla
It was really Anchorman esque. It was whatever was on the tag I was writing. They put the generic. They didn't put it at the top.
- [04:03]
Allison Rosen
They put it for you to think.
- [04:04]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, they put. That's my point. I can't fucking think. All the time I'm thinking about this show. I'm just signing and. Yep. And there's Aurora. And then Geneir. And I start, I get G, E, N. And then I stop and go, fucking Christ. But by the way, that one should just have nothing on it.
- [04:24]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, right. Yes.
- [04:26]
Adam Carolla
I mean, all right, I know I'm an imbecile. I do understand that. But if you're signing what is on the post it, like whatever's written on the post it, you just pair it onto the page. Whatever's on that post it, whatever name. And sometimes it's the name of a theater and sometimes name of a guy. And then some guys have nicknames. One guy named Daddy O had that super unsatisfying moment where the guy Mike lynch said to the guy, what's your name? And he said, daddy O. And then Mike went, yeah, but what's your, you know, your real name? And he went, daddy O. Nope. Said daddy O. Which we know is not his Real name. Well, it's not the answer that Mike wanted. Like, maybe it's on his library card. But that's Stuart is what Mike was looking for.
- [05:07]
Allison Rosen
Right?
- [05:08]
Adam Carolla
Not Daddy O. We know it's not Daddy O. Yeah, like say. Just say. I don't want to fucking tell you. Like, don't just say Daddy O again. But anyway, I wrote generic down.
- [05:19]
Allison Rosen
Now I just had to find someone who misspells their name on a poster.
- [05:22]
Adam Carolla
Yes. Oh, boy. Also, Mike, back me up on this one. Tell me if I'm making this up. I had, you know, you get the persnickety flight attendants, and then you get the gay ones, and you get the gay, persnickety ones and you get the, like the haggard chick ones. But I had the. This is the first time I've ever had flight attendant. The dude who wanted to make sure you didn't think he was one of the gay ones. So he went a little over the.
- [05:52]
Allison Rosen
Top by having heterosexual sex in front of you.
- [05:54]
Adam Carolla
Yes. We had the lumberjack flight attendant from our flight from North Carolina. It was a Delta flight. Was those commuter jets. Like, we went from Delta. I'm sorry. We went from North Carolina to Boston. And we got the dude and this dude. First off, we were sitting in the emergency row and he goes, hey, you guys want to make sure you know how to work those doors in case we hit hard? Hit hard. That's a dude. You know what I mean? Like in the unlikely event of a water landing or something like that. He said hit hard. Like he was like a linebacker coach. Like a JC linebacker coach. You know, break it down, break it down. Helmet's not a chair. So he goes, in case we hit hard. So I was like, all right, now I think I was the only one. Mike. Mike August doesn't notice anything and anyone talking to him or anything. And I took note of the hit hard one was kind of. It was pretty butch. You know, they usually don't get into that kind of stuff. But anyway, so then they start the beverage service from where we're taking off in North Carolina to Boston. It's about an hour and 45 minute flight. We're about 20, 25 minutes in. You know, we're up at cruising altitude and the guy's doing the, you know, he's doing the beverage service and he's, you know, it's a commuter jet, so there's. And it's not full. That's why we got the seats, in case we hit hard. And there's 55 people on the plane and he's pushing the thing by us and we're sort of in the middle of the plane and he goes, water, you know, coffee, soda. And I go, well, I have a Miller Light. And he goes, that's back there, you know. And I said, okay, well, because they do that most of the time. They have it on them and then sometimes they go, well, hold on, that's back there. Let me go get that one. But they seem to be a little put off by it. And it's also a weird thing because you know those jobs where this shit must come up every single time you get into this aircraft?
- [07:58]
Allison Rosen
Yes.
- [07:59]
Adam Carolla
Like, people drink beer, they drink light beer when they fly. There's a lot of people that like to get their buzz going, especially on those commuter jets. And if there's.
- [08:09]
Allison Rosen
That's why they sell it.
- [08:10]
Adam Carolla
Yes. If there's 60 people on the plane, there's a good chance that 10 of them may want a beer. What's the confusion? So the guy, and I'm not exaggerating, the guy goes, yeah, beer's over there. It's back over. I mean, nine steps away in first class, you know, Spear's over there. I said, okay, well, you know, could I get one? And he said, yeah, it's going to be about an hour. He said, an hour? What? He said an hour? Mike, please, please. He said, it's gonna take one hour. He said. He did not. This is the same guy said, if we hit hard, he. This man does not mince words.
- [08:48]
Allison Rosen
And oh my God.
- [08:50]
Adam Carolla
I mean, he didn't go like, you know, I gotta finish, I gotta finish this run, see what I can do as soon as I can get to it or something, which could mean an hour, but for an hour and 45 minute flight, and we're already a half hour into the flight, what's gonna do? Fucking run me down in the. By the baggage claim and hand me the beer? Like. He said it's gonna be an hour. Like, like all I wanted to do was give him $6 for his. What he probably pays $0.41 for per. Per Miller Light can I guess we.
- [09:23]
Allison Rosen
Have to do on the plane that could take that long?
- [09:25]
Adam Carolla
Well, the beauty of all these things. And then later on, so Mike and I, he said he had to calibrate the machine. He had to calibrate the machine? Yeah.
- [09:35]
Allison Rosen
Is he flying the plane as well?
- [09:37]
Adam Carolla
I don't know. And then he got about. Mike and I just both sat there like dumbfounded. He got about. He got a row and a half past us and I said, Mike, an hour? Did he just say it, take an hour? And he said, yeah, he said, be about an hour. And I was like an hour. And then I turned around and he was. He was still just a couple feet behind me. I said, excuse me, sir. And he went, what? I went, wow, this guy's like over the top, like preemptive douche strike. Just a Gatorade douche bucket.
- [10:07]
Brian Bishop
Wasn't that kind of a version of what we're just talking about? The. I left it at home. Like, that's kind of like another version of that. That's like, oh, yeah, I got that.
- [10:13]
Allison Rosen
Do you have Miller Light? Yes.
- [10:14]
Adam Carolla
Well, the worst.
- [10:16]
Brian Bishop
Can I get one in my pocket now?
- [10:17]
Adam Carolla
No. You know what drives me nuts? And it's what drove me nuts about my 5050 Shawarma plate story, which I won't get into now, but when you know, something can be done and you know can be done easily. Five minutes later, I was looking at this guy's fat ass just disappear into the distance. And five minutes later, the chick, his cohort, the chick kind of wandered by and I said, excuse me, do you think I'd get a Miller Light from up there? And she went, oh, yeah. And she just walked right up, grabbed a cold one and handed it to me.
- [10:48]
Allison Rosen
It's the reverse of what happens at bars on the ground.
- [10:51]
Adam Carolla
I know. And then 10 minutes later she came by and she was like, you need another? And I was like, yeah, I'll take another one. Hand me another. I paid her. It was. There was no confusion, there was no difficulty. There was nothing to recalibrate. There's nothing. That guy was like, buzz off, dude. And what do you. Okay, here's my thing. If you don't like people, teach shop. That's what I want to say. Don't mess with adults. Mess with 13 year olds. They deserve it. It's part of the growth experience. Toughen them up a little bit, you know what I mean? Don't get that gig if you do not like humanity. And if your gig is basically handing out beverages. Don't have an epileptic seizure when someone asks for a beer, which is handed out at that particular moment in that particular time. There were probably 10,000 planes around the world in the air and somebody was asking for a Miller Light. Like, what is the confusion? So like I said, hey, man, do you have poi or horchata? Cinnamon flavored, though, not the regular. Like, yeah, like I just asked for a fucking beer. And by the way, you have a beer. It's just behind you. And I'm not making this up. Every beverage service works the same. They go, you can have a soda, you can have coffee, you can have water, or for an additional charge, you can have a cocktail or beer. And you go, all right, give me a beer. So, A, I didn't make this up. B, it's an hour and 45 minute.
- [12:22]
Allison Rosen
Flight for an alcoholic, that's a really long time to expect someone to not drink.
- [12:26]
Adam Carolla
Oh my God. Oh my God. Should be about an hour. And then I also, like when that person is right. Does exactly what you said would take an hour In, I'd say 81 seconds. Not only that, but she gave. She allowed you to pay cash.
- [12:40]
Dennis Prager
Which.
- [12:43]
Allison Rosen
Calibrate the other thing about the.
- [12:44]
Adam Carolla
Air that's driving me nuts. And look, listen, airlines, is it cash only or is it credit card only? Because we're living in a fucking pop top twist off world and it's driving me insane. Half the flights are, oh, no, no, no. We only take cash. And then the other flights are. We only take credit cards. Like. Well, first off, as Mike always says, he thinks it's illegal to only take credit cards. Like, I got $6 here. That, that's. That's currency. I don't know if we're in international waters or something. Six miles off the ground, but we're in the United States, within the borders of the United States. You should almost have to take my cash. There's probably some law that says you must take cash. Hold the dollar right here. This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private. There you go. There we go. No altitude marking on it at all.
- [13:34]
Brian Bishop
Point of our case brought by Mike lynch against Southwest Airlines.
- [13:38]
Allison Rosen
Lynch v Airlines?
- [13:41]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. People versus who gives a shit? But yeah, so some are like, we need the card. And then others are like, we need every credit.
- [13:48]
Allison Rosen
They only take the other.
- [13:49]
Adam Carolla
Right? And then. So this guy's like, we only take the credit card. I'm like, okay, well it'll be an hour, okay? And then he leaves. And then the chick comes back and I go, I got cash. She's like, that's fine. Again with the rules that can be bent and broken almost immediately in the same flight by the person. At least get on the same page. Like, at least go back and say to the chick who's walking behind you, hey, see the asshole with the Jew fro? Yeah. Fucking hate the man show anyway. I told that guy it'd be an hour. It's funny, right? Make the man show guy wait an hour for Miller Light, right? I told him, it'd be an hour fucking. We're gonna land in 55 minutes anyway. Don't make me look like an asshole and fuck up my fucking. My diabolical plan to keep this passenger very unhappy. Super sober this flight, all right?
- [14:36]
Brian Bishop
I invested a lot of time keeping this guy unhappy.
- [14:38]
JB Smoove
What?
- [14:39]
Adam Carolla
I don't. I just don't get it. And the part where there's no explanation, like, there's no. Like. I know it sounds like a long time. He looked at me straight. Be about an hour. And he walked on. All right. Anyway, he's having a bad day, and we made the mistake of bothering him. You'll be happy. Allison, this is a story for you because this is torn right from the pages of the Notebook Girl.
- [15:04]
Allison Rosen
Oh, wow. Tell me.
- [15:06]
Adam Carolla
All right. So I went to North Carolina to do a show. My new bff, Clay Aiken.
- [15:14]
Dennis Prager
Yes.
- [15:15]
Adam Carolla
Be an F or Buttfuck, by the way.
- [15:19]
Allison Rosen
What's the other F?
- [15:19]
Adam Carolla
Just to emphasize forever friend. Now, that's just.
- [15:21]
Allison Rosen
That's just butt fuck friend or butt fuck forever?
- [15:23]
Adam Carolla
The. The. The f. Just one more fuck. This is another second fuck in there. Yeah. My new bff, Kalei, came by the show, and my old bff, Beth Ringwald, Molly Ringwald's sister, came by the show with her doctor husband, Ken. And there's Beth there and Ken. I. Now, this is insane, but I. Well, not on purpose, but I introduced Ken to Beth when I was in the 10th grade, and they met, and they became high school sweethearts, and I'm talking about 1979, 1980. He went off to college. They never saw each other again. Basically, they both went their separate ways. He became a doctor, moved to North Carolina, and literally 25 years later, they got married.
- [16:22]
Allison Rosen
How did they reconnect?
- [16:25]
Adam Carolla
That had nothing to do with me. That was Clay. I don't know what. I really don't know what got him back together, but it was nice to see. Now, keep in mind, I had not seen this guy for literally 30 years. Had not seen the man for 30 years. I'd last seen him in high school. He was two grades older than me. So he went off while I was in the 10th grade. I'd not seen the guy in 30 years. And the last time I saw these two together, they were teenage couple. And now I'm looking at the doctor and his wife, couple living in North Carolina. It was sweet.
- [17:01]
Brian Bishop
You're like a scout whose prospect panned out years ago.
- [17:04]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. How did you accidentally introduce them? Unless everyone already knows, Because I had.
- [17:09]
Adam Carolla
A wild crush on her. And he was my friend, and it was one of those things where it's like, you know, he just sort of. Yeah, I don't blame him. I mean, she was so cute. You know what I'm saying? Easy to get a crush on her.
- [17:22]
Allison Rosen
Did you feel a pang now, or are you just happy for them?
- [17:26]
Adam Carolla
I, I. I'm just happy for him. I really. I really feel that way. The other, the other thing I remember from. From North Carolina is I stay after every show and I sign. I sign the books, I sign the ticket stubs. I take the pictures. I do the thing.
- [17:43]
Allison Rosen
You sign generic.
- [17:44]
Adam Carolla
I signed generic.
- [17:46]
Brian Bishop
Imagine if there's some guy named Gene Rick, right?
- [17:49]
JB Smoove
Would that be.
- [17:49]
Adam Carolla
That was Gene E. Rick.
- [17:50]
Brian Bishop
That's right. That'd be amazing.
- [17:52]
Adam Carolla
And the lines can get pretty long on certain shows. Like the Boston show was sold out. House of blues. Probably about 1250 people there. And it seemed like a good 300 people hung out after the show. One out of every 19 guys has a sweaty hand syndrome. And the sweaty hand syndrome does not prevent you from shaking hands. I can see it because of my hypervigilance. As the guy approaches, he does that super. That thing that he thinks I'm not detecting, which is. It's the hand swipe along the top of the thigh of the jeans, which is to just sort of mop the hand, which is it what you call a tell. He's also in the meet and greet business.
- [18:40]
Brian Bishop
He's telling me to steal also.
- [18:41]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, actually, he has to. Has to go to the belt buckle. That's the indicator. That's the indicator. Then he goes. Then he goes across. Right. So a couple things. I invented slacks for guys with sweaty hands. You know, just like you ever see. You know, there's vests for hunters and like. Oh, you see, a guy's a shooter. He shoots geese. He'll have. He'll have that. That diamond quilted pad on his shoulder that the shotgun goes against. Just a version of that.
- [19:10]
Brian Bishop
It's like quarterback, like, you know, dry his hands with the towel.
- [19:12]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah. You shake with your right hand, right? So to be on top, your right.
- [19:17]
Allison Rosen
Thigh square, made of tampons.
- [19:19]
Adam Carolla
Right, right. Super absorbent square. And so he's. So I get that. And I'm always like, christ, here comes the handshake. And not all the guys do the handshake. You know, 2/3 of the guys do the handshake, but 100% of the sweaty guy hand does the handshake. And then there's a weird thing. So there's almost 300 people. Or in North Carolina, mayor's about 200, 250 people. Wait, after showed it. Take the picture, do the handshake. Here's what happens. You do. This is actual footage of the line. And I'm guessing North Carolina. Is that North Carolina area.
- [19:55]
Allison Rosen
Yes, it is.
- [19:55]
Adam Carolla
Show us Boston, too, because Boston was crazy. But, yeah, if you go to AdamCarolla.com, yeah, you can look at it. Somebody says we should tweet these things when we go out and reel. Whatever. But anyway, that was. We sent that out on Kik. Oh, we sent out on Keek. All right, all right. Anyway.
- [20:15]
Allison Rosen
Sounds like a cute queef.
- [20:16]
Adam Carolla
Out of the 200 people that were there, there are only two guys who insisted on holding the handshake while we took the picture. Like, we just completed a real estate transaction. You know, most of guys will do the, you know, shake your hand. Hey, Ace, man. Hey, man. And then I'll sign there. Whatever. But one out of every 35 wants to do. There was two the whole night, both of them with the sweaty hand. And I was thinking, what's the psychology behind that? Like, are you saying, hey, yeah. It's like that kind of thing where, like, you have that handicap, but you. You know, it's like, it's the. I'm blind, but I won't wear dark sunglasses. Or, you know, I'm an amputee, but I'm wearing shorts.
- [20:59]
Allison Rosen
Or I'm fat, but I'll eat a lot in public.
- [21:01]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And I'll wear something tight. Like, I know you're looking at me. I know I have this thing. And you know what? Instead of hiding in the shadows, I'm gonna push it out there. And with a weird thing. Like, I can picture him seeing a picture of me holding the hand, shaking the sweaty hand, and him saying to his friends, would a guy with a sweaty hand do this?
- [21:20]
Allison Rosen
He's protesting too much.
- [21:21]
Adam Carolla
Is this the work of a man with a sweaty hand?
- [21:23]
Allison Rosen
Hell, no.
- [21:24]
Adam Carolla
Is this the work of a man with hyperhidrosis of the right hand?
- [21:27]
Allison Rosen
Hell, no.
- [21:27]
Adam Carolla
Hell to the. So there was a lot of. And you never know what to do when I see that. Tell me what decorum would be, because I don't really care. But I don't like. You know what I don't like about the sweaty hand?
- [21:39]
Allison Rosen
The feeling of it.
- [21:41]
Adam Carolla
Yes. And the next guy who comes along, 4/10 of a second later who thinks I have the sweaty hand. This is equivalent of. You ever do that move where you walk into a bathroom at a Party or in a public place, and just. You just step in and you go, oh, geez. Dear God. Oh, man, fuck this. I'll go piss in the bushes. And you walk out and there's somebody waiting and you want to go, no.
- [22:04]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. I've been about to walk in, and the person walks out and he says, it wasn't me. And I think, yeah, like hell it wasn't.
- [22:11]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. All right, let's bring out. Dr. Bruce is here, by the way. Jesus Christ. I got so much shit going on, I don't know where to begin. Let's bring Bruce out here. I will talk. I will talk. I will talk. Go to my PC. That's right. Go to my PC business. More and more, you. You're working remotely. Bad weather out there, by the way. It was rough. Flights delayed, God knows what else. Bruce, do you have to. Can't you just fucking come in and sit down like a fucking human being? Why does everything have to be stilted and weird with you?
- [22:47]
Allison Rosen
Because he feels that he doesn't know how to relate to us since we're not wearing public.
- [22:51]
Adam Carolla
Mike told you something, which was they'd be. Come in, sit down, put your stuff down and what? Mike said something? And then you had to just stand there and be a weirdo while I'm doing a live race.
- [23:01]
Dr. Bruce
Oh, isn't that cute?
- [23:04]
Adam Carolla
That's nice, but can you just come in and sit down and not. Does everything have to be weird here, Bruce?
- [23:08]
Allison Rosen
You're on your.
- [23:08]
Adam Carolla
Everything have to be weird. You know what I mean? Do you have to.
- [23:11]
Dr. Bruce
Can you stop yelling at me and.
- [23:13]
Adam Carolla
Go to my PC? But how about you just slide in like a little. A little nerdy church mouse and sit there? And then I finish my live read, and then we start with your thing. Do you have to just stand in front of me while I'm doing a live read? Give me a weird look?
- [23:25]
Dr. Bruce
If there's such a thing as karma, you're in big trouble.
- [23:28]
Adam Carolla
You're lucky I don't know what word you said. More and more business. That's right. Working remotely. The iPads, the iPhones. Lots of bad weather out there. That's why I need. Go to my PC. You need the app. Go to my PC app brought to you by Citrix. It's the missing link that turns your iPad or iPhone into your computer. Imagine that. Imagine you being able to afford an iPad or an iPhone and being turned into your own computer. You can access your entire Mac or PC, work on anything from anywhere. You can edit a PowerPoint. All right. There. Go to my PC. Go to my PC. You want to try it for free 45 days. Free 45 days trial. If you use the promo code Adam. Visit. Go to my PC.com, click on the try it free button. Use the promo code Adam.
- [24:22]
Allison Rosen
It was the withering look that Adam shot you.
- [24:24]
Adam Carolla
No, but let me.
- [24:25]
Allison Rosen
Because you're papers.
- [24:26]
Adam Carolla
You know why? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. You guys help me figure this out. You got to help me figure this out.
- [24:32]
Allison Rosen
Okay?
- [24:34]
Adam Carolla
Okay. I am convinced that fuck ups cannot live without fucking up. Like, they just have to. Fuck. They're not alive unless someone's yelling at them. Is my name going to come up now? No. I'm going to work on another fuck up. Josh Gardner. Josh said, Josh said to me, when we're going to do the House of Blues in Boston, he's in the area and he's one of these guys. He's a good rider, he's a funny guy. He's a talented guy, but he just can't get the shit together. And it's a lot of self sabotage along the way.
- [25:06]
Brian Bishop
He's constantly shooting himself in the foot with a potato gun.
- [25:08]
Allison Rosen
Right?
- [25:09]
Adam Carolla
That's right.
- [25:10]
Allison Rosen
Potato.
- [25:11]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. There's Josh and me probably backstage over at the House of Blues and Josh is like. And you start to realize the successful guys, they're not even as funny as Josh. They're really not. They just got their shit together all the time. And so Josh does this thing where whenever you give him an opportunity, he has to kind of fuck it up just a little bit. So House of Blues, 1,250 people sold out. It's a big place. It goes way up and way back. And it's sold out. And I say we agree that Josh can go out there and open, but he wants to go out there and do deaf frat guy. And. And Mike August is like, you're not going out in front of 1200 people and doing deaf frat guy alone. Like it's. It's not. It's not gonna work. You gotta work that shit out. Go out there with your guitar, sing a few songs. They'll love it. Do the funny ones. Don't do a long preamble. Just do the funny songs and, and get off stage, you know. And so we're all just sitting there in the wings. And sure enough, he goes out there, he does three hysterical songs. I think he does Mr. Stinkfinger and he does. What was the. What was this? Canadian. He has a new one called I Love Regina, Saskatchewan. Yeah, I love Regina. It's awesome. It's awesome song. And then he finishes with Fuck my pussy or one of his big hits. And we're all standing there by the side of. We're all standing there by the mixing board on the side stage. And you're looking at this house. It is a huge venue. And he's just sitting there alone, strumming his guitar on his. On a stool. And he's like, okay, I'm gonna do three songs. I said, okay, just do the fucking three songs. Nail it. Get the fuck out of there. And he goes out there and he does the three songs. And the crowd's laughing, and we're all kind of looking at each other. And he completes the third song. And they're all applauding and laug. And we're like, oh, my God, he's done it now. Get the fuck off. And he's like, a lot of people thought the death frat guy might come out here tonight. And it's like, oh, no, Josh. No, no, no. Now people are confused. And he's not the deaf friend. He doesn't know what. And it's like, had to fucking. You're riding out on a nice solid nine. You just could have said, thank you, good night, walked out off stage. We could have come back. Now, you had. You had to knock it down to a five and a half or six. You had to. You had to. You can't. You wouldn't be who you are if you didn't knock everything down a couple of notches.
- [27:44]
Allison Rosen
So how long did that part go on?
- [27:46]
Adam Carolla
What'd it feel like? Yes, it was like, you know, it was. It was, you know, a minute, a minute and a half. It wasn't. It wasn't much. It was just. You just went out and fucking hit a home run. And you could have just stayed in the dugout, but you had to run out for curtain calling. You tripped and knocked over the bad boy. Did you go out like a hook.
- [28:06]
Dr. Bruce
And bring him in?
- [28:07]
Adam Carolla
It was like. It was funny because when he finished, we were like, okay, he's done it. He's done it. And then he's like, I just want to say a couple things. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. But anyway, that reminded me again, so.
- [28:20]
Dr. Bruce
Bring it on home.
- [28:21]
Adam Carolla
Thank you. There we go.
- [28:22]
Dr. Bruce
Full circle, fuck up.
- [28:23]
Adam Carolla
That's what I want to say. That's what I'm saying. It's just. He can't not do it.
- [28:26]
Dr. Bruce
Thank you very much.
- [28:27]
Adam Carolla
What is that, Gene? Well, I mean, Obviously there's something in them that will not let them succeed. You know what I mean? Like, couldn't just walk off that stage. Had to. Had to fuck it up just a little. Like it almost went too well. Anyway, look, songs were funny. People loved it, Good night and all that, but it just had to knock that nine down to a seven before I leave.
- [28:49]
Allison Rosen
All right?
- [28:50]
Adam Carolla
And that part where, you know when you go, don't do this, and then people go, yeah, I got you and I gotta do that. I told Mike Lynch, I just said, you know this whole part where you tell people something, like, they go, here's what I want to do. And you go, don't do that. That don't mean shit anymore. It does not mean shit because the second you can't get to them, they're doing it well.
- [29:11]
Allison Rosen
So did you say anything to him afterwards?
- [29:13]
Adam Carolla
No, I had to go out and do an hour and a half. And it wasn't like, it wasn't horrific, it was just that.
- [29:20]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [29:20]
Adam Carolla
All right.
- [29:21]
Dr. Bruce
It's like I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me.
- [29:24]
Adam Carolla
That correlate. Now you got a lot of hair gel in, so that means it's going to be a good night.
- [29:28]
Brian Bishop
Speaking of songs, I've been told they have a new song for Dr. Post.
- [29:31]
Adam Carolla
Have I previewed this? We have a song for Dr. Have I approved this?
- [29:34]
JB Smoove
Uh oh.
- [29:39]
Adam Carolla
Sounds like a strip club. He works ER to keep his Honda full of gas with jail in his hair he's not too bad he's got good lenses but real bad frames Some call him Bruce but there's another name we call him Ha. We call it Dr. Spam. He'll put a finger up your ass. Yeah. Dr. Spaz.
- [30:15]
Dennis Prager
Wow.
- [30:16]
Dr. Bruce
Can I send that to the AMA?
- [30:17]
Adam Carolla
That'll just be impressive. Yeah. All right.
- [30:20]
Dr. Bruce
I love it.
- [30:20]
Adam Carolla
Now we got questions for you. Any stories you'd like to get into? Dr. Spaz?
- [30:26]
Dr. Bruce
I would just like to bring an example of your artist. Our ER tech. Joey's great fan. Biggest fan you have. He said he presented himself. He said, I'm a big. I'm a buddy. I work with Dr. Spaz, Dr. Bruce, and expected you to do a little sort of write up for him in your book.
- [30:43]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [30:44]
Dr. Bruce
Yeah, I think it says Adam Carolla, but I'm not sure.
- [30:48]
Adam Carolla
Well, you know a lot of people. First off, if you show Mike, if you show the line from House of Blues, I don't know if you can or not, but. But you gotta understand, we're traveling. That's the line. That's the House of Blues line, all right? You don't get to me for a long time because I'm in the lobby of the House of Blues. I gotta get through those fucking people before we get back to the hotel. And we got an 8am flight. And so people hand me their book and they go, I have this thing, you know, you get the drunk chicks. I do this thing with my friends where. Okay, my name is Tammy, but they don't call me Tammy. They call me sweetie cheeks, okay? And so if you could write sweetie cheeks, you're not as funny as you think you are. Sign Ace Rock Cola AKA And I'm like a fucking line is. And by the way, I can't spell. Yeah, I can't spell. So I just sign and I push on most time I go, yeah, I'll just do that. And I just sign it.
- [31:48]
Dr. Bruce
And this guy's the nicest guy in the world. Big fan. So I told him you'd be glad to put in.
- [31:53]
Adam Carolla
Write some more.
- [31:53]
Dr. Bruce
Any friend of Dr. Spaz is a friend of mine, or, you know, something, whatever you want. I'm not very funny, so I can't.
- [31:58]
Adam Carolla
Okay.
- [31:59]
Dr. Bruce
What your genius would come up with there, so.
- [32:02]
Adam Carolla
Well, I can't spell. I'm limited. My genius is limited by my spelling. All right, you have. You have some medical news for us.
- [32:09]
Dr. Bruce
Just got lots.
- [32:10]
Adam Carolla
You know, my.
- [32:11]
Dr. Bruce
I think Disorder of the Week should be a new segment, and I've chosen constipation.
- [32:14]
Adam Carolla
Oh, really? Yes. Now, I don't have that.
- [32:17]
Brian Bishop
I've had it several times.
- [32:18]
Allison Rosen
I have it right now.
- [32:19]
Adam Carolla
Well, there you go.
- [32:20]
Dr. Bruce
I'm here to help you. I was sent.
- [32:22]
Adam Carolla
You have to make a ton of noise with your newspaper.
- [32:25]
Dr. Bruce
I don't hear any noise, but.
- [32:30]
Adam Carolla
Flap the newspaper like, slap. Like. How can I get more decibels out of this fucking newspaper? Can you just set it down?
- [32:36]
Dr. Bruce
Okay.
- [32:37]
Adam Carolla
It's okay.
- [32:38]
Dr. Bruce
I won't even touch my newspaper. I transcribed. Fortunately, my constipation segment onto another.
- [32:44]
Adam Carolla
Right now you have to talk into the microphone. Let me explain how the radio and podcasts and things like that, you try not to. Too much noise with stuff. That's why you said you understand. I worked with Dr. Drew for 11 years. He had a swatch of carpet. Like, literally a carpet square. One of those carpet squares that they lay down. We have one in here that sat on the. On the console in front of him, in front of him, and it was like 16 inches by 16 inches. Coffee mug right down right next to it. Every time Keys right next to it. Every time. Like, you don't want to put it on the carpet. You don't want to put. Why? What's up? It's like, why? You put your. You fucking. You're gonna. Right, because you're gonna hyper extend your shoulder. Putting it off the carpet, trying to avoid the carpet.
- [33:28]
Dr. Bruce
You're not asking.
- [33:29]
Adam Carolla
You're.
- [33:29]
Dr. Bruce
You're not asking why. You're asking rhetorically. You don't want one of your. Because Drew gets some sensory feedback when he puts it on the table. You know where it is.
- [33:36]
Adam Carolla
You put it.
- [33:38]
Dr. Bruce
You put it on that carpet. And plus, he gets anxious when I.
- [33:42]
Adam Carolla
Put my foot in your ass. You'll know where it is.
- [33:44]
Dr. Bruce
When working with you is anxiety provoking, too.
- [33:48]
Allison Rosen
Okay?
- [33:48]
Adam Carolla
All you have to do. Oh, here we go. Is Listen to me. You know what?
- [33:53]
Dr. Bruce
Okay.
- [33:54]
Adam Carolla
I'm like. You know what? I'm like. I'm like one of these guys who. I've abducted the president's daughter. I'm not planning on hurting her.
- [34:02]
Allison Rosen
Played by Mandy Moore.
- [34:04]
Adam Carolla
Played by Mandy Moore. That's right. I'm abducting her. But I don't want to hurt her. Do not force me to hurt you. We can. We can do this. You simply follow my instructions, and this will work perfectly. You understand?
- [34:18]
Allison Rosen
You're gonna be fine, Dr. Bruce.
- [34:20]
Adam Carolla
All right. Constipation. Let's hear it. Okay.
- [34:23]
Dr. Bruce
Constipation is a common. Common problem we see in the emergency department.
- [34:26]
Adam Carolla
Emergency, yes.
- [34:28]
Dr. Bruce
This is why I'm discussing it. Because. Such as runny nose and brain damage.
- [34:33]
Adam Carolla
What is the. What is the average length of time that somebody does not make a BM before they say, I'm going to the emergency room to share this with a stranger? Well, my last patient. For me, It'd be about six months, 48 hours.
- [34:49]
Dr. Bruce
My last patient.
- [34:50]
Adam Carolla
48 hours. Right. But Brian says he'd do that standing on the head. I mean, his head.
- [34:56]
Dr. Bruce
To be fair, the key thing to mention is it's. For many things, it's great. People want to come in and get medical attention and that they're noticing a change in their health. But one. No, I'm saying.
- [35:07]
Adam Carolla
Well, wait a minute. No. First off, rather than ignorance, I'm guessing that most people. So you're saying 48 hours without meditation.
- [35:15]
Dr. Bruce
Most people. It's like, well, I haven't gone for five days or a week.
- [35:18]
Adam Carolla
Okay. All right. To be fair to me. Okay. And most people try something first. Some husk or something. Right?
- [35:25]
Dr. Bruce
Most people try something, but they don't look at what they're doing that could be contributing to their content. Constipation.
- [35:30]
Adam Carolla
Well, what is. I mean, I. I just hear fiber. That's the best thing you can do right now.
- [35:35]
Dr. Bruce
Here's an issue. Once you're stopped up, putting in fiber is like, you've got. The dam is up and putting more logs in. And you have to get things moving before you start with fiber in general. So that's. That is a very common miscue.
- [35:49]
Adam Carolla
So don't start with the fiber once. Once.
- [35:51]
Dr. Bruce
Once you're stuck. Once you're clogged up and you want to be doing something to, like, stimulate. Well, first of all, I wanted to talk about some of the causes.
- [36:00]
Adam Carolla
Okay.
- [36:00]
Dr. Bruce
Some of the common causes sometimes that we overlook. And again, medically, issues that come up. You worry about any change in bowel habits. Is there colon cancer? Is there something more serious going on that's leading to a change in bowel habits other than colon cancer, which we worry about. Hypothyroidism, your thyroid, which is sort of the master hormone in the body. When you become hypothyroid, you gain weight, you slow down. And anything that slows you down.
- [36:27]
Adam Carolla
I'll tell you what'll get you going. You go down and get one of those smoothies that's all, like the vegetable smoothies. Like, you get the. You get the spinach and the carrot and the, like, celery one. You drink 16 ounces of that. That'll go through you, that stuff.
- [36:47]
Dr. Bruce
And it has a high water content.
- [36:49]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. So, yeah, red meat just.
- [36:53]
Dr. Bruce
Yeah, red meat tends to sacks of flour. I had a resident from Texas, and his best friend in high school was going to maintain a meat diet until he had one bowel movement a week. In fact, that was his goal in high school, really. Only eat meat. Only eat red meat until he got his.
- [37:08]
Adam Carolla
I respect that. I like that he did that too.
- [37:11]
Dr. Bruce
Now he has colon cancer.
- [37:13]
Adam Carolla
I talked to Dr. Drew about this once, and I said, I'm as regular as regular gets. And by the way, I got two or three in me a day, no problemo. Every day, never take a day off. And he said, that doesn't mean anything. Doesn't make you any healthier than the next guy. And I said, really? I said, going three. Having three bowel movements a day is no better than having one every three days. And he said, no, that's just your ass schedule.
- [37:42]
Dr. Bruce
You look at what's normal for you, and that's it. You're no better than anybody else, buddy.
- [37:47]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but I think my asshole is Better than other people's. First off, I don't think my shit stinks. Right there, right there. I can also say you think you're hot shit on a silver platter, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup. That's number one. Number two, if your diet is a little better, you'll probably be a little more regular. Yes, that's true.
- [38:08]
Dr. Bruce
Okay, so probably you tend towards a healthier diet and in addition to that. Well, let's talk about some of the things that people don't suspect.
- [38:18]
Adam Carolla
When we'll stop. Yeah, chocolate. Oh really, too much chocolate?
- [38:22]
Dr. Bruce
Vitamins, especially iron and calcium containing vitamin preparations.
- [38:26]
Adam Carolla
Jesus Christ. I saw commerce. There's a commercial running out now. Someone we gotta find. It's so fucking pathetic. It's like a 40 year old dude and they're advertising a chewing chewy vitamin. A multi chewable vitamin for dudes. And it's like. Are you fucking kidding me? Like in the past our dads would have had vitamins that tasted like brandy. Right? Or scotch. Not a chewable vitamin for an adult dude.
- [38:51]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [38:51]
Brian Bishop
I use those every day.
- [38:53]
Adam Carolla
What the fuck are we turning ourselves into?
- [38:56]
Brian Bishop
I use fiber gummies.
- [38:57]
Adam Carolla
Speaking of this fiber gum. That's right.
- [38:59]
Dr. Bruce
But vitamin, chewy vitamins. I'm gonna sit there and eat half the thing. I mean it tastes good. Things that taste good for adults.
- [39:05]
Adam Carolla
You gotta be kidding me.
- [39:05]
Dr. Bruce
It's stupid.
- [39:06]
Adam Carolla
Oh, so look, there's certain things as an adult, it's just part of. Look, swallow this thing that doesn't taste that good and get the flavor of.
- [39:13]
Allison Rosen
What are they in the shape of houses?
- [39:16]
Adam Carolla
They look like pussies. Shape of a vagina. Okay.
- [39:20]
Dr. Bruce
Decreased exercise and ignoring the urge to go. Those, those are issues.
- [39:23]
Adam Carolla
Ignoring the urge to go.
- [39:25]
Dr. Bruce
Right, Listen, when people.
- [39:27]
Brian Bishop
Football season.
- [39:28]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's right.
- [39:29]
Dr. Bruce
Things that are important. I was going to bring up being on rounds or seeing patients, but you know, watching football or.
- [39:34]
Adam Carolla
No, I know, you know, you know also I'm trying to think because they're far first used to be able to count on a gas station if you needed to go on the road. If you're listening from around the country, maybe. But if you're listening in Los Angeles, you go in to use the shitter at the local Shell station and you get the. What is. Can I use Not. There's no. No, this. We have none. You buy $200 worth of cigarette and you can pee in bucket. Can I use the key to. No, it's. No, it's not. So that's that and by the way, to be fair to them, it's cuz LA is filled with such fucking horrible people that the last guy went in there, took a crowbar to the sink. And fucking this, this idea of I'm going to go into the shitter and desecrate it. I don't. Or I'm a gang banger and I'm gonna fucking carve my fucking signs into the toilet seat and then piss all over the rolls like so. Because everyone in Los Angeles, essentially an animal. The guys who work at the gas stations who aren't from here, they just look at us as animals. Go, fuck it. I'm not going. I'm not gonna fuck it. Last time you went in there, you shit in the sink and then you ran the water and flooded the place. So fuck it. No one gets the shit anymore. All right? So that's good.
- [40:56]
Dr. Bruce
Water intake is very important. Eight glasses a day. I know, I didn't suggest that. I'm just saying. I was going to say that that's probably a little.
- [41:06]
Adam Carolla
Can I say this? Let me say this too. Let me. I just traveled. You know, we went through, you know, North Carolina, we went through Boston, we went through D.C. when you go through the Boston airport and you go through security, there's some dude named Sully. Literally, the guy's name was Sully. And he's cracking wise and he's laughing and the chick behind him is laughing and there. And they're all different ethnicities and genders and ages and they're just sort of having a good time. Like they understand it's their job, but they're not douchebags about it. Like they're kind of having fun and they're talking to each other a little bit while they're doing their job. And the same with DC and the same with North Carolina. Just a sort of general kind of camaraderie and a decent mood. And then you get to LA and it's like fucking people grunting at you. Go ahead and take sir. Sir, come around, sir, just change your pocket, sir. You go to Boston, it's like regular dudes with a fucking personality. What is it like? What is. So I know part of it is there's an ethnic problem in la, but what goes on in la? That we have zero personality or we, we have a personality super shitty and stupid. You go to fucking Boston, you get a guy, you get like a town car driver in Boston, you get a fucking town car driver in dc, you got fucking some big old rosy cheek guy named Sully. He's telling you about every monument. He's looking at everything.
- [42:39]
Allison Rosen
You could go hunting. Yeah.
- [42:40]
Adam Carolla
You go anywhere else and you just get the fucking douchebags and LA is filled with them. You can't talk to the people. No one has a sense of humor. No one knows the you're talking about. They're, like, depressed. They. They grunt.
- [42:52]
Allison Rosen
Maybe they're all constipated.
- [42:54]
Dr. Bruce
They're narcissistic.
- [42:55]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [42:56]
Dr. Bruce
Okay, so basically, if your bowel habits change, you should talk to your doctor because there are a variety of things. Diabetes, neurologic problems. But with children, we see a lot of kids. Look at their diet, make a diary.
- [43:10]
Adam Carolla
Kids.
- [43:10]
Dr. Bruce
Not enough water. They get what.
- [43:12]
Adam Carolla
What is the number one thing you should do if you're backed up before you go to you? And then when you go to you, do you do a suppository?
- [43:20]
Dr. Bruce
We've got a policy. No disimpaction in the emergency room unless there's some other medical reason to do it. Because people come in and they want. Well, enemas are great.
- [43:27]
Adam Carolla
No digit dropping. Is that what you say?
- [43:29]
Dr. Bruce
Well, it depends on the patient, but for the average adult, the average kid, no, not unless they're.
- [43:34]
Adam Carolla
Give them something.
- [43:35]
Dr. Bruce
You give them something. This. Most of these things are over the counter. Fleets, Enemas are over the counter.
- [43:39]
Dennis Prager
There are other.
- [43:41]
Adam Carolla
What should I do if I was backed up?
- [43:44]
Dr. Bruce
You could try some mineral oil.
- [43:46]
Adam Carolla
Drink minimal mineral oil.
- [43:49]
Allison Rosen
Someone shoot it up your butt through straw.
- [43:50]
Dr. Bruce
Yeah, there are a variety of stimulant type over the counter.
- [43:54]
Adam Carolla
Do that stuff.
- [43:55]
Dr. Bruce
Right. And look at your diet. Drink lots of water. Water is a big part of.
- [43:58]
Adam Carolla
Okay, okay. All right. Should we take a call? People want to know. People have questions. People have questions. Dr. Bruce, you have one there you like?
- [44:08]
Dr. Bruce
Well, let's see.
- [44:09]
Adam Carolla
How about number three? There's no way he could just say, yeah. Hey, let's do line two. No, could never happen. It's got to be. Hold on.
- [44:32]
Brian Bishop
Talk off mic.
- [44:35]
Dr. Bruce
Line one.
- [44:35]
Adam Carolla
All right, good. Stalk the line. Four. James.
- [44:39]
Dr. Bruce
I knew it.
- [44:40]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, what's up? Talk to Dr. Spass. What's going on, man? I was wondering. Man, every time I go out and get drunk, I wake up the next morning, it feels like my back just been beat to shit. You know? What's going on?
- [44:53]
Dr. Bruce
Well, a variety of things to be going on. You're flushing out your potassium, your electrolytes. You're getting muscle spasm back there.
- [44:59]
Adam Carolla
Also, that mechanical bull's not helping either. Over at the FUD Rockers, You're.
- [45:05]
Dr. Bruce
You're so. You're so drunk you're not moving normally and you get. Get a little stiff back there. You have your kidneys back there, depending on how dehydrated.
- [45:14]
Adam Carolla
Kidneys.
- [45:14]
Dr. Bruce
Kidneys right in the back.
- [45:16]
Adam Carolla
I thought it was a kidney infection, you know, and see my doctor and he said, nah, it was a muscle spasm.
- [45:22]
Dr. Bruce
So how does he know it's not muscle spasm? It's not. Are you still having the pain when you see him or are you complaining that it was their pain?
- [45:27]
Adam Carolla
No, no. I went to a chiropractor, but all those dudes are quacks. They just want to fucking treat you every week. All they want is your money. I'm like, fuck that. Yeah.
- [45:36]
Dr. Bruce
As you know, I'm not a chiropractor.
- [45:37]
Adam Carolla
No. And everyone should look down. Here's my thing about chiropractors. First off, it's like there's no chiropractor that sees you who doesn't announce you're out of alignment. And it's like there's no guy who gives free brake inspections who doesn't say, you need to turn your rotors and get a new set of pads. It just doesn't exist. There's no chiropractor goes, oh, you're perfectly aligned. No problem here. And I know they do a lot of, oh, you're way out of adjustment. Way out of whatever. I feel I've never gotten anything out of a chiropractor.
- [46:11]
Allison Rosen
Not even a great pen.
- [46:13]
Adam Carolla
You get a decent pen. But I found that I would rather go get a good massage than go to the chiropractor. I really would.
- [46:20]
Dr. Bruce
Manipulation. The physical therapists are the medical arm. That's comparable to a lot of what chiropractic does. I've talked to chiropractors and I've referred people to chiropractors, but when they start, you know, some of them, they're getting into doing.
- [46:34]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. Can't they do harm actually?
- [46:36]
Dr. Bruce
Well, now, most of them are pretty good at knowing when to avoid certain manipulations.
- [46:40]
Adam Carolla
All right, Josh, line two. Josh. Adam, what's going on? Josh? Saw you last night at the Fillmore. Thanks for a great show. Oh, you did? Did you go the early show or the late show? Yeah, I was at the 8 o' clock show. Brought a couple buddies, added them to the pirate ship. So it's all good. God love ya. Yeah, the pirate ship. You're gonna get something on Amazon. Click through AdamCarolla.com Roseberatrol Keeping us alive here, people. Building a new studio using that money. So I Love it. And yeah, good that you saw the first show because the second show had to be switched up because, well, it's easy to go out and do the same set at times two. And I usually do if I do two shows. But then if Mike lynch said there's a dude who's at the. Was at the first show and he's going to be at the second show and even though there's 650 people there, I go, well, we gotta mix it.
- [47:34]
Allison Rosen
Up for that one guy.
- [47:36]
Adam Carolla
I feel weird. He was sitting in the front row and I can't take him hearing me do the same first 20 minutes.
- [47:44]
Dr. Bruce
Why would Mike tell you that?
- [47:46]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Mike don't tell me that anymore. He said the guy was such a big fan that he just bought too much. He was being nice.
- [47:53]
Allison Rosen
You are a nice, good performer.
- [47:55]
Adam Carolla
I'm too self conscious to. If somebody tells me there's gonna be a guy and he saw the first show and he's hanging for the second, then I go, we gotta mix up the second show. Even if there's a thousand people there and there's just that one guy, I.
- [48:07]
Allison Rosen
Wonder if he knows he's the only one that made you do this.
- [48:09]
Adam Carolla
I don't know. But anyway, Josh, you had a good time? Yeah, we had a great time. Good. It was great seeing you. Thanks for coming. Did your wife go? She did not, no. I took a couple guy friends.
- [48:21]
JB Smoove
Yeah.
- [48:22]
Adam Carolla
Did you hang out afterward and do the sweaty handshake? Well, I don't think you did it for the 8 o' clock show, did you? To kind of shoot everyone out? Yeah, you know what? Everyone who? Everyone in the 8 o' clock show because they have to flip. They have to turn the room around, get everyone out, get in a camp, blah, blah, blah. They usually tell them they can come back for the late one, but you gotta be pretty fucking committed to come back midnight to shake my hand. Exactly. All right, so sorry, Josh, go with your question. No worries. So this may fall under the we're officially out of problems category, but my wife is. She takes an antidepressant and it worked well. She's gone from being, you know, moody and she's very happy and we're very happy. We don't have, you know, money problems. We've got beautiful kids, we like each other. But this particular drug, I think has just kind of numbed her up sexually and she can't have orgasms. So I guess the question is sort of, if you were in my shoes, would you, you know, try and talk her into talking to her doctor to try a different drug. And I know that it takes, you know, weeks to test out things, and she found one first try out that worked.
- [49:37]
Allison Rosen
So what drug is it?
- [49:41]
Adam Carolla
It's a generic. It's called Citalopram. I don't know what the. What the. Branded. So this is. This comes up a lot, right, Bruce?
- [49:49]
Dr. Bruce
Right. Now, what was the reason she was started on? It is. Is there any therapy going on? Could she try and taper off? Because that. That effect is probably not going to change.
- [49:58]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but is there a drug that she. That might not affect her?
- [50:01]
Dr. Bruce
Well, yeah, Wellbutrin is the classic antidepressant that does not affect the libido.
- [50:06]
Adam Carolla
So try the Wellbutrin. And what about a little therapy or a little, I don't know, yoga or something, you know? Yeah, she's done that, but she's just in a really good place. I mean, she's just very happy and makes me happy. So. Now, listen, don't get me wrong, that. That sounds like. I wish my mom got on that back in the day, you know, I wish someone darted her like a rhino.
- [50:29]
Dr. Bruce
Well, the 60s, they had a drug for that antidepressant, you know, the smokable kind.
- [50:33]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Oh, no, she had plenty of that. Didn't help. Yeah. So what. So Wellbutrin, you could talk to the.
- [50:40]
Dennis Prager
Yeah.
- [50:40]
Dr. Bruce
Is it a psychiatrist or family practice doc that's giving her the med?
- [50:43]
Adam Carolla
It's family practice.
- [50:44]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [50:45]
Dr. Bruce
So you could talk to him. Changing to another, I mean, antidepressant. But Wellbutrin does not have an effect on that area.
- [50:52]
Adam Carolla
Thanks, Josh. I feel like a douchebag because I did four shows over the weekend and there was only one show I couldn't sign at, and that's the one he went at. And I went, hey, did you hang out and sign them in?
- [51:00]
Dr. Bruce
That's gonna bother you for a while, huh?
- [51:02]
Adam Carolla
I should have done the. I should have done the 8 o' clock math. See, I'm not perfect. Takes a big man, a big, big man to admit he's not perfect. All right, Dr. Bruce. What, you got a Twitter or something you want to toss out there?
- [51:15]
Dr. Bruce
I'm done. You're done, Dr. Boseh.
- [51:18]
Adam Carolla
But rbruce h. Yeah, that's where you can Twitter him at. All right. JB Smooth is going to be here. I love this guy. I see him everywhere. I seem, like, on commercials, TV shows and movies and all that. Also, I'm gonna be. Boy, I'm coming back to the Moore Theater In Seattle, March 9 March 3, working backwards, Bakersfield at the Fox Theatre. And me and Dennis Prager are getting together at the Redondo Beach Performing Arts center coming up on February 25th. 25th, I should say. We already sold a bunch of tickets for that, so you should get on that. That's going to be a little different. It's not going to be a stand up show. It's going to be more meaning of life. Yeah.
- [51:58]
Dr. Bruce
He's an intellect, he's great.
- [52:00]
Adam Carolla
He's a super sharp dude. Yeah. And really has a lot to say. And we have nothing in common, which makes it all right. We will take ourselves a quick break. Right back with JB Smooth next. Yeah, back with JB Smooth. I love JB Smooth. Jb, I think I either saw you at Kimmel's last or we were in Chicago at Park West. I can't remember where I saw you.
- [52:21]
JB Smoove
Kimmel's last, man. Kimmel was with that fantasy football league last season. Where'd you come in at?
- [52:27]
Adam Carolla
I have no idea.
- [52:28]
JB Smoove
I was just a patron. I started, I started, I started great. You get busy, man. Fantasy football takes a lot. You gotta really, really follow your guys. It's like I fell behind, man. I just couldn't. I was on a plane one day, I said, oh, damn it. I didn't put my trades in. You know what I mean? I'm going crazy worrying about it.
- [52:46]
Adam Carolla
You know what, jb?
- [52:47]
JB Smoove
I lost five in a row.
- [52:48]
Adam Carolla
You know what show I would watch? By the way, JB's got a show on Russell Simmons Presents the Ruckus. And it premieres January 26th, 10 o' clock on Comedy Central. It's a stand up series that's hosted by jb. Jb, you know what I'd like you to do? Here's a show I would watch. We bring back former slaves and you explain to them how rough fantasy football can be, just how taxing, how physically and emotionally. And you get em like, yeah, man, but you're just out in the field all day. You don't have to think. You understand? I'm thinking about trades. I could have got Drew Brees last.
- [53:24]
Allison Rosen
Year, but instead you don't understand how this league works. They kick someone out every year.
- [53:29]
JB Smoove
Yeah, like I'm, I'm a throwback, but I'm in the past. Yeah, who's from the future? You know what I mean? But I'm in throwback. I'm back then, right? Telling them about the fantasy football league. You know, I'm sweating and Right, yeah.
- [53:44]
Adam Carolla
And I'm sweating right you give, like, one time when we had a draft, we're out of nacho chips, and we had to just eat regular chips.
- [53:52]
JB Smoove
Everybody just staring at me like I'm crazy. Like, what the.
- [53:55]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Be awesome. Yeah, that'd be good. JB goes back slaves about fantasy.
- [54:01]
JB Smoove
Real cool. I'm just standing there telling them about this stuff, and nobody's know what the I'm talking about. You're just sitting there like, what?
- [54:08]
Adam Carolla
I love you on Curb your Enthusiasm, by the way. And I have no. I have no idea how that. How that connection was made. I love that show. I loved you on it. I love doing it. Yeah. How does that work, man?
- [54:23]
JB Smoove
What happens is. Let me see how life works, man. Life is all about opportunities, right? But also timing. You get your ass out there, right? You make something happen.
- [54:33]
Adam Carolla
Tell us to the slice.
- [54:34]
JB Smoove
I'll tell you what happened. I'm gonna tell you what happened. Yeah, y' all sit down. Sit on down. Everybody sit on down, right? Don't worry about the master. Everybody sit the fuck down, right? And let me tell you what happened. Oh. So I was, you know, I was sitting on my couch, right? I was, right? That's when I was writing for SNL. I was there 04, 5 and 6, and I was sitting on my couch watching Kirby Enthusiasm on a Sunday. I had to go back to work the next day, but I was like, man, I love this damn show.
- [54:58]
Adam Carolla
You're right.
- [54:58]
JB Smoove
I freaking love this show to death. I was telling my fiance, who's now my wife, how much I love the damn show. And then she said, you know what? You're gonna be on that show one day. She said, you just. You say stuff all the time, and that show will be. You'll be perfect on that show, right? I'm telling you, six months later, I was on the fucking show. Phoned your frame, probably less than six months, really. I actually went on the road. I didn't get renewed for my fourth season because I was a writer over there.
- [55:28]
Adam Carolla
Writer? Snl.
- [55:29]
JB Smoove
Yeah, snl. I did warm up. I was on. Did a lot of sketches on the show. I was also doing Conan o' Brien downstairs a lot. And I think what happened was, you know, kind of put it out there. Put it out there to the universe.
- [55:42]
Adam Carolla
Cosmically, and it's crazy.
- [55:43]
JB Smoove
You throw some shit out there in the universe, sometimes that comes back. Yeah, that's what happens.
- [55:48]
Adam Carolla
In a negative way sometimes.
- [55:49]
Allison Rosen
Sometimes.
- [55:50]
JB Smoove
Sometimes. Negative way.
- [55:51]
Allison Rosen
You didn't actually do anything to pursue it, though, other than just saying it.
- [55:54]
JB Smoove
To the universe and threaten somebody. To get the.
- [55:57]
Allison Rosen
Or something. Well, no, but I mean, like, it's just.
- [56:00]
Adam Carolla
It's such a. It's. It's perfect when you see them together. But it seems. It doesn't seem like Larry David would yell, get me jb.
- [56:07]
JB Smoove
That was a cool ass. Larry is a real cool ass dude. People. People don't understand how cool Larry David s is. See, Larry is Larry. See, Larry is Larry. He is Larry David because his name is Larry David on the damn show, but he is Larry damn David any damn way. You understand? He's Larry David on camera and off camera.
- [56:24]
Adam Carolla
Is there a cool ass dude?
- [56:25]
JB Smoove
He gets around. I do get. Plus he loaded. When you're that rich, you can buy a friend. It don't matter. Nobody that do right there, that dude next to him is getting paid.
- [56:33]
Adam Carolla
Nobody knows when does anyone know if that show's coming back or when it's coming back? He does this thing where he takes 16 months off in between. Brian.
- [56:41]
JB Smoove
Oh, you think that man need a check right now?
- [56:44]
Adam Carolla
No, he doesn't need a check.
- [56:45]
JB Smoove
You know what? I'll tell you how it works with Larry Davis. See, Larry hasn't even touched his curbing enthusiasm money. I'm telling you, Larry. Larry stacks his money by what he. By the jobs that he does by what he produces. You know, he stacks the. He still hasn't even finished the Seinfeld fucking money.
- [57:00]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [57:01]
JB Smoove
You know what I mean? He's probably. He's like. He hasn't even reached that money yet. He spends from the bottom, you understand?
- [57:07]
Adam Carolla
He's pulling from the bottom.
- [57:07]
JB Smoove
He pulled from the bottom. Which most rich people should do. Pull from the bottom. You don't touch the top stuff.
- [57:12]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [57:13]
JB Smoove
You know what I mean? Leave it stacked on top and you pull from the bottom.
- [57:16]
Adam Carolla
Always could have done that.
- [57:17]
JB Smoove
Yeah. Pull from the bottom.
- [57:18]
Adam Carolla
You want to do some news, by the way?
- [57:21]
JB Smoove
This is what's going on in the world.
- [57:22]
Adam Carolla
Let's find out what's going on with Allison Rosen. She read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And where. It's time to wrap it up.
- [57:34]
Allison Rosen
She'll sign it off with zip.
- [57:36]
Adam Carolla
It's Allison. Allison.
- [57:42]
Allison Rosen
Former Penn State coach Joe Paterno died Sunday. He was 85 and he died from complications of lung cancer. But his friends and colleagues are saying he died from a broken heart. The official hospital statement is that he died at 9:25am on Sunday of metastatic small cell carcinoma of the lungs. He led Penn State to five undefeated seasons coaching from 1966 to 2011. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in November. He'd been in the hospital since January 13th.
- [58:10]
Adam Carolla
Yeesh.
- [58:11]
Allison Rosen
Winningest Division 1 coach in the history of the sport. Here's the crazy thing though. I don't know if you saw Twitter Saturday night. People were tweeting about his death and there were stories. But then you started seeing people on Twitter saying, well, wait, you know, ESPN hasn't come out and said anything. These people haven't come out and said anything. And then the family released a statement saying, no, he hasn't died yet. Like it got misreported.
- [58:33]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, also I was hearing that, oh, it's a treatable form of whatever, but I don't know how many treatable forms of lung cancer there are. This is just the saddest thing in a, like usually sad sort of goes in one direction. Like, oh, there's a three year old who's dead and then there's an animal who needs to spend the rest of his life behind bars. This is one of those just Sad in about 50 different directions kind of situations.
- [59:00]
Allison Rosen
I mean, sad like a multil nuance.
- [59:02]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. This is not smart bomb sad. This is just Bouncing Betty. Bouncing Betty. Carpet. Just, just carpet bombing sad. This is napalm Vietnam sad. Just I, I feel I. You know, it's like he should have said, he should have done more, but what a way to go out. I mean, who would have. The guy, the guy's a living legend. Boom. Pout. Now he's dead, like, little side of me. And all of a sudden he's gone. Yeah.
- [59:27]
JB Smoove
You know what, what he had was. They say it was a treatable form of cancer, but one thing that's not treatable is 82 years old. You know?
- [59:35]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [59:37]
JB Smoove
It's hard to battle anything. 82 years old. You step on gum, you die. You know what I mean? You gotta be careful. 82, you know what I mean? 82 is a rough ass age.
- [59:47]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I know, I do think about that. Because I'll do that thing where I'm 47 and I'll do the, you know.
- [59:54]
Allison Rosen
You crack a hip, you're gone.
- [59:56]
Adam Carolla
Chasing a kid around. Yeah.
- [59:58]
JB Smoove
Shake stuff. You shake it off. Yeah, keep on going. You shake it off. No matter what it is, you shake it off.
- [60:03]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [60:03]
Dennis Prager
Right.
- [60:03]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [60:04]
JB Smoove
You get older, you can't shake it off.
- [60:05]
Adam Carolla
No, you know what it is? And people that are like, that guy looked robust 10 strong dude. 9 months ago he broke his leg.
- [60:13]
JB Smoove
Like a few years ago, maybe he got hit, he was on the sidelines and got tackled by mistake.
- [60:17]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [60:18]
JB Smoove
Remember that time he got freaking tackled?
- [60:19]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. He was standing next to, by the way, a lot of coaches not paying attention. You know, it's like, it's like if you ever go to Europe, you see those European rally car races, there'll be some drunken guy from Finland with his back turned as the cars are coming around. It's like, that's probably not a great place to drink from a flask. Like, how about you get on the other side of the guardrail coaches, you're talking on your headphones, you're looking at your clipboard. Meanwhile, there's a couple of 240 pound dudes who can run a 4, 440 coming around the corner and they don't stop on a ton.
- [60:51]
Allison Rosen
That's why I never wanted to be a coach.
- [60:53]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [60:53]
JB Smoove
And your ass in your 80s getting fragile as hell.
- [60:56]
Adam Carolla
You know what I would have, I would have a coaching bunker in the back. I'd just be sitting in a war room like Hitler with screens up everywhere. Just.
- [61:04]
Allison Rosen
That's a coaching control room.
- [61:06]
JB Smoove
If I was 82, I'd be on the sideline in a uniform that I have a helmet, all that on pads, everything. All that good stuff.
- [61:14]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. The greatest, the greatest coaching move ever didn't take place on the field. It was when Woody. Woody Hayes took a swing at the dude.
- [61:22]
Brian Bishop
That was like his last game too.
- [61:24]
Adam Carolla
That was his last game too. But there's another legendary coach got taken out on the sideline this time because he threw a punch at a linebacker. I felt bad.
- [61:32]
JB Smoove
I'm a big Penn State fan. I'm a huge Penn State fan.
- [61:35]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But so he got his, he got his. He got taken out last. I guess it was last year. Two years ago, I think, or two years ago. And he's like coming back and he. You know, I say robust. I mean, for an 83, 84 year old guy, sliding scale. He had a lot of dark. Yeah, he had a lot of black hairs and he was up and down the sidelines and he was doing his press conferences and everything. And now it's just like. Anyway, it's horrible.
- [61:59]
Allison Rosen
The student who wrote the erroneous obituary on Saturday night has resigned from his job at the paper. And that was the paper that cbs.
- [62:09]
Adam Carolla
What do you mean? That guy's a fucking soothsayer. Yeah, you're right.
- [62:13]
Allison Rosen
He's just a little too fast to get a race.
- [62:15]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I wouldn't fire that guy. I'd be like, who else is gonna die?
- [62:19]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. Really?
- [62:19]
Adam Carolla
12 to 48 hours. That's what you call us, by the way. That's why you call them Scoop. Not because he cleans the litter box.
- [62:27]
Allison Rosen
That's right. Get with the modern times.
- [62:29]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [62:29]
Allison Rosen
And the future. So in political news on Thursday night, ABC aired an interview with Newt Gingrich's second wife, Marianne, where she said that he asked for an. What's so funny?
- [62:41]
Adam Carolla
It's just everybody. That's just why sane people cannot run for anything anymore. This vetting process has vetted out all the people without personality disorder disorders who want to hang on to just a shred of their dignity and a few of their dollars. Like, we've made it so that only people with personality disorders can run for President and anything else. Because there's not a human being that doesn't have an ex who wouldn't love to tell you what a small dick you have or what a horrible lover you were or about how that time you got drunk and you want to invite their mom into the bedroom. Like, I mean, it's impossible. No one would. No sane person would want to put themselves, hold themselves up against this scrutiny.
- [63:20]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [63:21]
Adam Carolla
All right, but here we go.
- [63:22]
Allison Rosen
So his second wife, Marianne, gave an interview where she says that he asked her for an open marriage because he wanted to be able to pursue his relationship with a congressional aide, Calista, who's now his wife. He had a six year affair with Calista while he was with Marianne.
- [63:36]
Adam Carolla
I like that's a power move.
- [63:38]
Allison Rosen
She wasn't having any of it, though. And she said that this was at the same time that he was condemning Clinton for his lack of morals. And so here's a clip of Marianne discussing some of the details of Newt's affair.
- [63:50]
Adam Carolla
By the way, here's how the open marriage works. My secretary opens her legs, you close your mouth and possibly your eyes. All right? That's my open marriage. I found out during our conversations that it was occurring in my bedroom in our apartment in Washington. And he always called me at night. Hold on, hold on. Does she sell Gold Bond? She sounds like one of those chicks from the Gold Bond commercials from back in the, the mid-90s.
- [64:15]
JB Smoove
Tell you one thing, though. I'll tell you one thing about that guy. He stays in his league, though, you know what I mean? He stays right in his little circle.
- [64:21]
Brian Bishop
He has a sweet spot.
- [64:22]
JB Smoove
He does not wander too far from his circle, you know? You know what I mean? Some guys, you know, some women are out of your league.
- [64:29]
Allison Rosen
Oh, wait, though. Have you seen Calista?
- [64:31]
Adam Carolla
Well, no. Well, let's listen let's listen to her.
- [64:33]
JB Smoove
Let's see what you're talking about.
- [64:34]
Adam Carolla
He always ended with I love you. Well, she was there listening right next to him in my home. Well, he owned half of it. Come on.
- [64:45]
Allison Rosen
Okay, so then we have a clip of what he was. What he said about Clinton.
- [64:52]
Adam Carolla
As Speaker of the House in the middle of his own secret affair with Calista. Gingrich was calling for the impeachment of President Bill Clinton for lying about his affair with Monica Lewinsky. There is no administration in American history with less, less moral authority than the Clinton Gore administration. Well, listen, first off, whenever you protest too much, this is why your answer for everything should be like, when they go, what do you think about the gays getting married? You should go, what do I care? More pussy for me. But if you go, hey, listen, man, I'm gonna get out on the street corner with a bullhorn. That means you're gay. Means you're secretly gay. When you start stumping for shit, no matter what it is, that means you're thinking about it a little too much.
- [65:33]
Allison Rosen
If your answer for everything you are asked, as you're running with. More pussy for me, what do you.
- [65:39]
Adam Carolla
Think we should do about.
- [65:40]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, what do you think we should do about the economy?
- [65:43]
Adam Carolla
More pussy for me.
- [65:44]
Allison Rosen
And what about the overcrowding in jails?
- [65:47]
Adam Carolla
More pussy for me.
- [65:50]
Allison Rosen
What about tax reform? How do you feel about tax? Taxes?
- [65:54]
Adam Carolla
More pussy for me.
- [65:55]
Brian Bishop
But immigration is a huge problem. Would you not agree?
- [65:58]
Adam Carolla
More pussy for me.
- [66:00]
JB Smoove
The only one that really works is the jail one.
- [66:02]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [66:02]
Dennis Prager
The prisoners. Good point.
- [66:04]
Allison Rosen
And the situation in the Middle east, what are your plans where that's concerned?
- [66:07]
Adam Carolla
What are my plans? More pussy for me. Only.
- [66:11]
JB Smoove
Worse than the prison one.
- [66:12]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, my vote.
- [66:13]
Adam Carolla
And the immigration one as well. Yeah, yeah, you're right.
- [66:16]
Dennis Prager
You're right.
- [66:16]
Adam Carolla
The borders are pretty poor. So let them throw. Let them throw. More pussy for me.
- [66:21]
Allison Rosen
What about the overpopulation of cats?
- [66:24]
Adam Carolla
More. Oh, I like that. Yeah, of course. That's what these guys do.
- [66:29]
Allison Rosen
Then at the South Carolina Republican debate on Thursday night, did someone bring up the White House?
- [66:35]
Adam Carolla
Oh.
- [66:36]
Allison Rosen
Oh, boy, did they. CNN's John King opened with this question, and then Gingrich got super, like, outraged and self righteous. This is obviously my, my interpretation of it. Well, we're going to see it in a second.
- [66:50]
Adam Carolla
Can I say this? He's saying, let me just get this straight, but I will do the relationship math on the, hey, I'm going to do something that you're not going to let me do so I can get a Divorce. But it'll be your doing, even though it's my doing. This is. This is you saying. It's basically you saying this, I don't like this job. I want to get out of this job. So you go into your boss's office and you go, look, from now on, I just want to work Mondays and Thursdays. I'm going to do half a day. If I smell like booze, that'll be my business. And I need to shit into your potted plant, okay? Because if not, I'm out of here. And then the guy goes, well, obviously that's not gonna work. And you go, fine, you wanna fire me? You can fire me. That's him taking his old wife of 30 years, who he's tired of fucking, but basically can't say, I want a divorce. And saying, here's the new plan. I get to fuck this hot secretary. If you don't wanna say anything about it, fine. But if you don't say anything, or you do say, either way, I'm fucking her.
- [67:57]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, because he said that Calista doesn't mind. That's the new one. Doesn't mind what he does. She doesn't care.
- [68:04]
Adam Carolla
But there's two things you ask for in life. There is the I legitimately would like you to give me an answer to this and let me do it. And then there's. I know you're gonna say no, and that'll be enough to get you out of here and get me out of here, too. That's what that was a. Okay, good. See ya.
- [68:18]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. So anyway, here's Gingrich's response. He just, like, turned it around on.
- [68:26]
Adam Carolla
John King on the Internet. In it, she says that you came in 1999 at a time when you were having an affair. She says you asked her, sir, to enter into an open marriage. Would you like to take some time to respond to that? No, but I will. John King looks like a straight Anderson Cooper.
- [68:47]
Allison Rosen
Yes.
- [68:48]
Adam Carolla
Like, if Anderson Cooper loved, that's what he would look like. I think the destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder to attract decent people to run for public office. And I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that. Hold on. Here's where I use. Stop it. Here's where I use my signature move. Yeah, but still. Deal or. Yes, more for me. Yes, definitely. Cheers. I like that. I like that he's appalled.
- [69:29]
Allison Rosen
Usually he goes on, he total. I mean, he ended up coming out ahead.
- [69:33]
Adam Carolla
Are guys who announce their Appalled. Ever really appalled? Because I think when you're appalled, you don't announce your appalled.
- [69:39]
Allison Rosen
No, I don't think so. All right, let's hear more of it. And prefer to stop it when you want.
- [69:43]
Adam Carolla
All right, look at this.
- [69:45]
Allison Rosen
The standing ovation for his being appalled.
- [69:48]
Adam Carolla
Well, the dudes are standing. The chicks are still standing. Every person in here knows personal pain. Every person in here has had someone close to them go through painful things to take an ex wife and make it two days before the primary. A significant question in a presidential campaign is as close to despicable as anything I can imagine.
- [70:20]
JB Smoove
Let me tell you something. The longer he goes on with this, the more he's scumbag.
- [70:24]
Adam Carolla
My two daughters.
- [70:25]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [70:26]
JB Smoove
The longer he goes on. Wrote the head of NBC three times.
- [70:29]
Adam Carolla
Already and made the point that it was wrong that they should pull it. And I am frankly astounded that CNN would take trash like that and use it to open a presidential debate. It was his other.
- [70:43]
JB Smoove
He had rid that wave boy.
- [70:45]
Adam Carolla
It was his other three dol. It daughter. So we're backing it. Right. They've got it over the top. Wow. Mr. Speaker, this story did not come from our network. As you also know, it is the subject of conversation on the campaign. I'm not. I get your point. I take your point, John. It was repeated by your network. You chose to start the debate with it. Don't try to blame somebody else. You and your staff chose to start this debate with us.
- [71:08]
JB Smoove
Now.
- [71:08]
Adam Carolla
Okay, let me be quite clear. The story is false. Every personal friend I have who knew us in that period says the story was false. We offered several of them to ABC to prove it was false. They weren't interested because they would like to attack any Republican. They're attacking the governor. They're attacking me. I'm sure they'll present it around to Senator Santorum and Congressman Paul. I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans. All right, here's the thing. No, listen. Best. Best defense.
- [71:42]
Brian Bishop
That was deft.
- [71:43]
Adam Carolla
Good offense.
- [71:44]
Allison Rosen
Yes, and it worked for him. He surged in the polls and he won South Carolina with a 14% margin.
- [71:51]
Adam Carolla
That's. I've said it many times. Don't get on your heels when people are coming at you. Fucking come at them. You know South Carolina.
- [71:58]
Allison Rosen
You said he won South Carolina. Yeah. So now Santorum won Iowa. Yeah, I know.
- [72:03]
Adam Carolla
Here's jb. Get up on your mic. But don't drift too far from the mic. Here's the thing. Look, I'm sure he's just come Back. All I'm saying is this. We gotta stop what we're doing in terms of the TMZ of the world. Like, we're going nuts with everybody and their fucking personal life and their sexual proclivities and everything they've done up until now. And it's weird. And it just has to stop across the board. It's not news.
- [72:32]
Allison Rosen
I agree. But my thing is that if it was a Democrat who he could scrutinize in that way, he would have done it. He did do it.
- [72:43]
Adam Carolla
I don't know if he's saying. He's probably saying the news wouldn't have done it. He would have done it. Yeah, it's just. It's getting weird. It's getting catty and schoolyardy and chicky and telenovela y, and it's all like, we're a bunch of Mexican broads that are in our 40s going at it on a TV series. You know, I sort of blame. I do blame all these reality shows where they just take all these fucking people and they put them in the same condo and they just start fighting, and the next thing you know, they're just sniping and going at it. The Founding Fathers, you know, you talk about some of the things that the Founding Fathers would be devastated by. And, you know, and there's a lot of things that go on. I don't know, maybe you say, oh, they would not approve of Guantanamo Bay, and they might not approve of so many Americans locked up in prisons for charges that were, you know, consensual crimes, things like that. You know, Jefferson had hemp on his farm or something like that. There's a lot of things they would not be happy about today. But I think the number one thing that the Founding Fathers would be pissed off about today, even though we'd have to explain them what that term was, and then they'd probably dig it, was this sniping that we've turned, that we've lost our decorum. Like we have no dignity anymore. There used to be, you know, a guy would not go. Would sink to these levels with another gentleman. Like you just would not bring up. I mean, even as. Even, you know, even just going back 50 years, he would not bring up whatever the Kennedys were doing outside of whatever political whatever was going on.
- [74:21]
Brian Bishop
There was an SNL sketch about that back in the day where the Founding Fathers came back at a time machine to, like, our time, and they wanted to share all their wisdom to right all the wrongs of the country, like, the great wisdom and at the press conference where they're sharing their wisdom, all anyone ever wanted to talk about is like, did you have sex with slaves or did you? It was all that petty. But, like, we would like to share.
- [74:38]
Adam Carolla
Our wisdom with you. We're getting it's game on and we need to reel it in. We really do. It's getting insane. And it's getting to be that everybody's got a story about someone and a picture of somebody in a long range helicopter lens of somebody with their top off on vacation somewhere.
- [74:57]
Allison Rosen
It's just.
- [74:58]
Adam Carolla
It's weird and it's not mature. It's not what adults should be doing. And in many ways, we do this thing all the time where we go, hey, we're the United States. We have to be better than these other countries. And we see our Marines urinating on these Taliban fighters and we go, listen, the point is, we're better than that. We're the United States. States. But yet we lead the nation in the fucking Chatty Cathy schoolyard gossip department. Maybe England's a close second. We need to fucking put a better foot forward with this shit. And the rest of the world's probably laughing their ass off at us that we're doing this. And I don't know if it's the fact that there's a camera in every phone or we just all decide. It became the dudes when the dudes started with the Caddy arguments and buying into this shit. And we stopped dueling. Like, here's the duel. You just go, you couldn't fucking pop off because you'd get shot. You get hit a fucking musket ball. And so back, by the way, people had to be very careful about what kind of shit they talked back in the day, because you'd be out in the street at Don dueling and then have great medical facilities back then, a musketball fuck you up for a long time. So now there's nothing because I can go find. I can go run down Brock Lesnar and tell him his old lady's pussy smells. And if he touches me, I'll sue his ass. Ass happens to be true, but it seed still, I'd sue his ass if he got near me. You know what I mean? But back in the day, he kicked the out of me. And there's not a court that would do anything about it or we'd duel about it.
- [76:35]
JB Smoove
Yep.
- [76:36]
Adam Carolla
All right, we gotta get back to dueling, right, jb?
- [76:38]
JB Smoove
You're damn right. I'm tell you something right now. All that you said was Absolutely right about you. You can't do a damn thing about it. We are. I'm gonna tell you something. We are. Are so. It's ridiculous. You don't even know the. The outcome of this stuff for the till the kids are around now, by the time they get dirty, it's going to be over. You think it's bad now? It's going to be. Nobody knows how to communicate anymore. Everybody's texting. I'm telling you, we have killed ourselves.
- [77:09]
Adam Carolla
They don't know how to talk to adults anymore. Adults don't know how to adults.
- [77:14]
JB Smoove
You better get a hold of your kids. I'm telling you right now, we are fucked.
- [77:17]
Adam Carolla
Where should I move you? Don't move my kids tomorrow.
- [77:20]
JB Smoove
You better pray you don't make it to 82 years old.
- [77:22]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you better.
- [77:23]
JB Smoove
They gonna run your ass over. These kids are gonna run all of us over. I'm telling you, we have ruined them. We fucked the country up for them. We fucked up all this reality show shit. Reality stars are superstars. I don't give a fuck. I know everybody show got fights. Every. Every female reality show starts with them at a table and them fighting and throwing fucking drinks on each other. Every last.
- [77:47]
Allison Rosen
They flip the tables.
- [77:49]
JB Smoove
Every last one of them.
- [77:50]
Adam Carolla
I'm saying my daughter, she literally, she can't count. She cannot count to 35, but she knows who Snooki is, number one. Number one. Number two. I was on the phone with her the other day. It was us out on the road. And I call from the club or the theater before I go out on stage to tell the kids good night, you know, just a touch. And hey, everybody. He's craz pulling me out on stage. Just a couple seconds. He's in the head talking to the tall guy with the weird nationality. He's handing out the cologne. He's telling his kids he's loved him. Ironically, his wife very much too. Jade. Stage four. Stage four. So I said, and I get my daughter on the phone and she said, I'm going on a date with my boyfriend to the snow tomorrow, you know. And I said, I'm your boyfriend. And she said, you're not my boyfriend. And I said, I am your boyfriend. And she said, you're not. You're my daddy. And I said, well, when you marry your boyfriend, I'm gonna walk you down the aisle. And she said, you'll be dead by then.
- [78:48]
Dennis Prager
Oh.
- [78:50]
Adam Carolla
See, you'll be with Joe Pa Right in the ground. Yeah, she's big Penn State. Well, she doesn't like NFL she likes college ball a lot.
- [79:00]
JB Smoove
She went horrible.
- [79:01]
Adam Carolla
Devastated by the bcs, by the way, this year. Horrible game. I lost a lot of money. I think she took the tournament. She took the over. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, that's the beginning. It's game on.
- [79:12]
Allison Rosen
Who's his boyfriend?
- [79:13]
JB Smoove
Muskets?
- [79:13]
Adam Carolla
I'll tell you something, you know, some fucking twerp named Jared or something. Boyfriend, you know, he's going to the snow. Poor kids, man, they're ruins.
- [79:23]
Allison Rosen
So in his victory speech after winning South Carolina, Newt said, super blowhardy. Again, my opinion, he said, it isn't that he's a good debater, it's that he was just articulating the deepest held values of the American people.
- [79:38]
Adam Carolla
That's part of being a good debater. Yeah. Also, you know, also his wife sounded like, when you're doing that sort of nagging shrew voice, like, hey, get the trash, Bring the trash. If she had been like a little more delicate and a blonde.
- [79:55]
Allison Rosen
Well, Paulista, won't you.
- [79:59]
Adam Carolla
I'm telling you, we didn't.
- [80:01]
Allison Rosen
Look at the one he traded in.
- [80:02]
Adam Carolla
We didn't feel sorry for her. Like, see, if you watched, if you're a dude and you go, oh, man, I couldn't have gone away. I would have fucking put a bottle rocket up my ass to get away from that fucking bitch. Then you kind of side with. Then it doesn't really matter what he did. You know what I'm saying?
- [80:17]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. And he also called Obama the greatest food stamp president.
- [80:24]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. This is controversial. Greatest.
- [80:26]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, I know.
- [80:28]
Adam Carolla
And then everyone thought that was a racial thing.
- [80:30]
Allison Rosen
Yes. Now, this is one of his talking points. He said, the sweet horror, everyone feels that it's racist.
- [80:35]
Adam Carolla
But then everyone comes back and says the whites and the Mexicans are eating up more the free food than the brothers are. Right. Did you know that? That's the thing. There's more white people, but I don't know if it's per capita. You know what I'm saying?
- [80:52]
Allison Rosen
Well, what they're saying is that this is sort of code in South Carolina.
- [80:55]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [80:56]
Allison Rosen
This is the new wife.
- [80:57]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But also just the way she sounded, too. Like, everyone went like, I gotta get a away from that bitch. What the story was is, yeah, it's code for racist. But then the news people came out and said, there's more white people on food stamps than there are black people on food stamps. I assume you guys just steal food now and we use the stamps because we have dignity. But I wonder. But I wonder. We'll have to figure out per capita or maybe you wait till we leave the store with our food stamp bought food and then just take it from us while we're in the parking lot. But either way.
- [81:37]
Allison Rosen
It has racist overtones. If you want it to. But it also means that everyone is on food stamps.
- [81:41]
JB Smoove
Let me tell you something.
- [81:42]
Adam Carolla
It's racist to have to think. You think that's racist, though?
- [81:46]
Dennis Prager
Yeah.
- [81:46]
JB Smoove
I'm gonna tell you something. This is about to be even Steven real soon. So you better enjoy it. It's about to be even. Everybody is.
- [81:55]
Adam Carolla
It comes down.
- [81:56]
JB Smoove
I'm telling you, it's going to be even Steven in a minute, man. Everybody losing their. Everybody losing their house. Everybody home, Everybody kids up, forget. It's about to be a ocean comedy of just straight people.
- [82:08]
Adam Carolla
You should be doing motivational. You know what I mean? You should be going to corporations.
- [82:13]
JB Smoove
You're in trouble, man. You just go like kid going out with some. Some crazy dude.
- [82:18]
Adam Carolla
Let's just say, let's. Let's do motivational. Let's say 82, 200 people from IBM are all in the audience right now at the Sheridan Universal. God ahead. Give us a speech.
- [82:27]
JB Smoove
You are going to get run the over by 55.
- [82:31]
Allison Rosen
This is like unmotivation.
- [82:33]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, right. No, nobody fires him up.
- [82:35]
JB Smoove
You gota lay it out. See, I believe in. You gotta plant those Cs early. You plant those Cs early. That way when it happens, you can say, damn, jb, you know, you either blame me, you can say I was right, you g. You're probably gonna blame me instead. JB ruing me and put the curse on me or something like that.
- [82:49]
Adam Carolla
But 55, you do 55, your kid.
- [82:53]
JB Smoove
Gonna run you over.
- [82:54]
Adam Carolla
Gonna run me over?
- [82:54]
JB Smoove
She's gonna drive you crazy with my car. No, no, she gonna drive you crazy. She don't need a car to run your ass over. Oh, kids don't need cars to run your ass over. You talking about muskets and getting hit with muskets.
- [83:05]
Adam Carolla
See, JB Smooth, ladies and gentlemen.
- [83:07]
JB Smoove
You run by the wrong. You run the wrong. Keep it real up in here. All right now, food stamps and all that. I'm telling you something, you absolutely right. You are absolutely right. There are more white folks. Folks on the What?
- [83:20]
Adam Carolla
That's what they. That's what the news said. No, no, but then they included Hispanics.
- [83:25]
JB Smoove
Do you look around when you travel? Do you ride through, like neighborhoods and like that? Get material?
- [83:30]
Adam Carolla
Oh, I don't get material, but I. I do travel through neighborhoods like I.
- [83:34]
JB Smoove
You look around, you look around a little bit. I was just some bad going on.
- [83:38]
Adam Carolla
I went, I went to.
- [83:39]
JB Smoove
I'm scared.
- [83:39]
Adam Carolla
I went.
- [83:40]
JB Smoove
Some white people.
- [83:41]
Adam Carolla
I went to my dad's old neighborhood in South Philly a couple weeks back and took a walk through that place. And then me and Mike August went down to Detroit and we went down to the city. Went down. It's like Omega man down there. Like it is tumbleweeds blowing through and it's. And it's deserted high rise buildings and like it's really weird to see deserted high rise buildings and then burnt out houses on the way in. Yeah, yeah. You didn't know? I didn't know about that.
- [84:11]
JB Smoove
I seen that 10 years ago. I was in a hotel and I opened the window and I looked through the curtain. Curtain, right. And right across was an empty ass skyscraper. I was like, that's terrible.
- [84:20]
Adam Carolla
Where were you? We're in Detroit.
- [84:22]
JB Smoove
Detroit. Downtown Detroit?
- [84:23]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [84:23]
JB Smoove
Empty. Yes. Skyscraper right next to the hotel window.
- [84:26]
Adam Carolla
And also, by the way, we went to a sports bar and they had like a couple of waitresses and they're wearing like the tight little referee outfits and stuff. But they're fat. But they still got to wear the outfit. There's a little gut spilling over the shorts. Like it's just a little off of Evelyn. Not so much in la, you know what I mean? Up. Hey, guys, you ever know what your mom looks like in shorts? Yards? Yes, she is.
- [84:51]
JB Smoove
Maybe it's not her stomach. Maybe the dress is too small.
- [84:56]
Allison Rosen
All right, so now Florida is the next state that votes and Romney was in Florida.
- [85:01]
Adam Carolla
All right, but here's what we need to find out. More white people on food stamps than black people. But you got it. You can't just go straight across. You got to go. Well, Black people represent 11%. 12% of the population feels like 70%, but it's only like 11 or 12%. JB, you have to do the math because we may be beating you on numbers.
- [85:25]
JB Smoove
It's a lot of math. Other math. Now, you know, we are. We are outnumbered by Hispanics right now. So you outnumber Hispanics? No, we are outnumbered. So we are slowly losing ground, which is fucked. Up, up. You know, I mean, I don't mind the food stamps.
- [85:40]
Adam Carolla
It's time to circle escalates.
- [85:42]
JB Smoove
Yeah, I'm just bad. I'm just mad that we losing ground on the food stamps program. You know, we're losing ground right now. Yeah, you got to step it up. Hispanics have passed us. This is up. Well, you guys, we getting less.
- [85:52]
Adam Carolla
You guys, you guys got a great I'm worried you got out of the gate great with the free cheese and then lately just you've been off.
- [86:00]
JB Smoove
But that free cheese caught on. A lot of people love that free cheese.
- [86:02]
Allison Rosen
They said.
- [86:03]
JB Smoove
When he realized people would ask me for free cheese, like I, I'm the free, the free, free cheese dealer or something like that. When people found out how good it was, everybody want that.
- [86:12]
Allison Rosen
What kind was it?
- [86:13]
Adam Carolla
Do you find it insulting that just random white people would come up and ask you for free cheese just cuz you're black?
- [86:17]
JB Smoove
It's up. But hey, the cheese was good.
- [86:21]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [86:21]
JB Smoove
And, and, and good cheese is good cheese.
- [86:23]
Adam Carolla
Do you have any cheese on you? Person of color?
- [86:25]
JB Smoove
Not right now. Okay.
- [86:27]
Adam Carolla
Should I wait till you go to your car? Yeah, I guess. I, you gotta ask Mike lynch because Mike lynch is the only white person. Person whose family received free cheese or government. Government cheese. My grandmother received the government cheese. My family took it from her. All right, there you go.
- [86:44]
JB Smoove
See, grandma can't cut that. It's, it's, it's too big. It's a block. It's not an individual slices, it's a block.
- [86:52]
Adam Carolla
What are we doing as a government? Why are we producing more cheese than we need? I don't. Wisconsin, what kind of cheese was it? It was like orange. Yeah.
- [87:01]
Dennis Prager
Dry.
- [87:02]
Adam Carolla
American.
- [87:03]
JB Smoove
Yellow. American cheese.
- [87:04]
Adam Carolla
Was it sliced or to come.
- [87:05]
JB Smoove
No, that's the apart. They give you the cheese and you don't have no cutter. They, they didn't give you the cutter with this or nothing.
- [87:11]
Adam Carolla
Oh, wow.
- [87:12]
JB Smoove
They just give me the machine. I could cut it in a quarter pound or half a pound or some like that. You can't even cut the right. Yeah.
- [87:19]
Adam Carolla
Knife.
- [87:19]
JB Smoove
It's all uneven.
- [87:20]
Adam Carolla
They just give you a brick of cheese.
- [87:22]
JB Smoove
A brick of cheese. A brick of cheese and. No, no, no.
- [87:26]
Adam Carolla
Slicer.
- [87:27]
JB Smoove
Give me a slice or something.
- [87:28]
Adam Carolla
Come on, man. Yeah, you're right. Especially if it's frozen.
- [87:30]
JB Smoove
You kill yourself trying to cut.
- [87:32]
Adam Carolla
Frozen breakfast, trying to cut. That's too much to go. So like now what would your. So what your parents would do is you go to the grandma's house, take a brick of Styrofoam, spray paint it orange, pull it out, pull the real cheese out of the freezer, put the styrofoam in, and then sneak out of the house and go. What's that?
- [87:50]
JB Smoove
Yeah.
- [87:51]
Adam Carolla
All right.
- [87:53]
Allison Rosen
Okay. So Romney in Florida said we're not. So he was essentially attacking Gingrich, saying we're not choosing a talk show host, alluding to Gingrich's strong debate Performance. We're choosing the person who should be leader of the free world.
- [88:06]
Adam Carolla
Romney looks like a talk show host.
- [88:08]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, he does. Or a shampoo salesman.
- [88:10]
Adam Carolla
He could definitely. He. If somebody told me that his name was Wink and Wink or Mick Mitt, I know he doesn't name like a talk show host. And he looks like any one of those guys from the mid late 80s on any one of those shows.
- [88:25]
Allison Rosen
Yes. Like Dallas Rains Weatherman. So at one point during his outdoor rally, he was interrupted by protesters chanting, we are the people. And Romney said, no, actually, these are the people. These are the people. You're the Interrupters. We believe in the Constitution. We believe in the right to speech. And you believe in interrupting. Take a hike.
- [88:44]
Adam Carolla
The Interrupters, Are they that Irish band? Those twins? Those two twins? What's that, walk 500 miles? Those guys? I love that movie. I like that song. Yeah. The Interrupters. Geez. We just got back from Washington D.C. and they had the Occupy Wall street guys out there, and we passed their camp. And when you pass their camp in LA and it's 74 degrees out, you're kind of like, sucks sleeping on the ground. But when it's freezing rain, like. Like where snow would be an upgrade. Like it was fucking freezing last night in D.C. i mean, it was 18 degrees with freezing rain and the blue tarps just over. Over the thing. Oh, God damn that to me. I'd only do the Occupy thing if it was, you know, I'd work the Florida SoCal.
- [89:37]
Allison Rosen
The tropical.
- [89:37]
Adam Carolla
You'd occupy, right? Yeah. Like, is there. Is there a. Like, is there an occupied Bermuda movement afoot? Right. Someplace that's like a Club Med nearby.
- [89:48]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [89:48]
Adam Carolla
So I can get some Rum Base.
- [89:50]
Allison Rosen
Resort you could occupy.
- [89:51]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, something like that.
- [89:53]
Allison Rosen
Oh, an island where you think you're on a deserted island and then it turns out you're on the other side of a hotel.
- [89:57]
Adam Carolla
There's a party going on. Yeah, like where they might film a Corona commercial, something like that.
- [90:03]
Allison Rosen
Maybe Spuds mackenzie.
- [90:04]
Dr. Bruce
Yeah.
- [90:04]
Adam Carolla
Let's stay away from. Let's stay away from the Rust Belt and in the east because it is freezing out there. We just got back from Boston and. Just got back from D.C. and it is. It is cold out there, man.
- [90:16]
JB Smoove
More power to him, man. I couldn't do it, but more power.
- [90:19]
Adam Carolla
I know. And then our driver was telling us about wharf rats. I can't remember if he said it wasn't a sewer rat. It was like the big brother to the sewer rat that's running around there. And it was like oh, Jesus Christ. When sewer rats are an upgrade, people are like go in their tent and go, oh, thank God it's just a sewer rat. Bad times.
- [90:36]
Allison Rosen
Jeez, Worth.
- [90:38]
JB Smoove
Bad times, baby.
- [90:39]
Adam Carolla
Swamp rat. I think he may have said, I think that's just a drunken white guy with a fanboat. But I gotta look into that.
- [90:44]
Allison Rosen
Isn't that what they inflate outside your business if you employ non union workers?
- [90:48]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah. Small brat.
- [90:51]
Allison Rosen
In entertainment news, citing irreconcilable differences, Heidi Klum and Seal.
- [90:57]
Adam Carolla
No.
- [90:58]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. Yes.
- [90:59]
Adam Carolla
First Joe Pa, now this.
- [91:00]
Allison Rosen
I know. They're calling it quits. The couple wed in May 2005 and have three children together.
- [91:05]
Dennis Prager
Good.
- [91:05]
Allison Rosen
And previously they would renew their vows every year in a lavish ceremony.
- [91:09]
Adam Carolla
You know what? Good, because let me tell you something. I'm going to go home and tell my wife. You see what happens when you show too much affection and love? Do you see? You see what happens when you show off? See what happens? See these are these asshole couples who have to do that shit where I'm sitting around with my wife and you know, I'm sitting there in a towel and I just pass gas and I'm eating off her plate. And then they do that. Entertainment Tonight, Heidi Klum and Seal have once again renewed their vow in a beautiful beach and an exotic locale. And then I got. My wife's always looking at me like fucking a Jesus Christ.
- [91:44]
Allison Rosen
And you don't know if it's cause of just your general presence or cause you just farted.
- [91:48]
Adam Carolla
It's a little each, but these fucking relationship show offs, you know what I mean? And then they walk down the red carpet and they go, I'm the luckiest man in the world. I'm married to most beautiful woman in the world. Every day. I wake up every morning pinching myself next to this beautiful woman and I thank christ. And about 20 minutes into this fucking line of bullshit, I'll have my wife look at me. Because that's how women sort of judge things. It's kind of based on like, look, if they have a beautiful engagement ring, they'll be happy. But if a chick shows up at the party with a bigger engagement ring, now they're pissed. Their engagement ring didn't change. There's somebody else showed up, up. And if you proposed to them on a 20 foot boat, but they got proposed to on a 40 foot yacht with a violinist playing it, now they're pissed again. It's all kind of a relative thing.
- [92:32]
JB Smoove
Gotta one up, em.
- [92:33]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, same thing about engagement rings. If you work As a short order cook and you buy a chick a $3,000 ring, she's over the moon about it. If you're Donald Trump and you buy a $50,000 ring, she's pissed because you're a cheapskate. So it's not the ring, it's what. It's the relative of it. So when they see these couples doing their thing, it's always fucking obnoxious. They're relationship show offs, you know what I'm saying? Like, look, here's how much in love we are. And by the way, you can do the math on your shitty relationship. And I love it when they fucking fold.
- [93:05]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [93:05]
Adam Carolla
Because the next time my wife says, why aren't you being more like Seal? You want me to be more like Seal because he's fucking someone else right now? Is that what you want? No, I'll a cocktail waitress if you want me to. I don't think you want me to.
- [93:20]
JB Smoove
You gotta ask. I mean, where does Seal go from here? That's what I want to know.
- [93:23]
Adam Carolla
It's definitely either down.
- [93:25]
Allison Rosen
You never go back.
- [93:26]
JB Smoove
Yeah, I'm like, where do you go from here? You had a supermodel for a wife. Where do you go from here?
- [93:31]
Adam Carolla
Who's.
- [93:32]
JB Smoove
Who is next? What? You know what happened and who is next?
- [93:35]
Adam Carolla
She.
- [93:36]
JB Smoove
Hunter, who is still going to be on a red carpet.
- [93:38]
Adam Carolla
She made a. She probably made a lot more money than he Money dead.
- [93:42]
JB Smoove
Well, she was loaded.
- [93:42]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [93:43]
JB Smoove
She had TV shows, Runway money.
- [93:45]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [93:45]
JB Smoove
She had loot.
- [93:46]
Allison Rosen
She's got kiss from a rose money.
- [93:47]
Adam Carolla
She's. I find her obnoxious, by the way. I think her. I think that Project Runway show sucks. I think she gets nominated every year for an Emmy and she sucks.
- [93:56]
JB Smoove
No, she can judge other models because she's one of the top models ever.
- [94:00]
Adam Carolla
Man, please.
- [94:01]
JB Smoove
What better position to be in than to tell your ass you ain't gonna make it?
- [94:05]
Allison Rosen
She tries to be so soft spoken. Like, you may leave it one way, right?
- [94:10]
JB Smoove
That's. She has to do it like that. If she did it too real people are really hitting.
- [94:15]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. Too dramatic.
- [94:15]
JB Smoove
She gotta be nice about it. Get the fuck out of here. In so many words.
- [94:19]
Adam Carolla
Here's the point. Does she hook up with another brother?
- [94:22]
JB Smoove
That's what I'm saying. Where does he go from here? And where does she go from here? Does she go to the chocolate and does he go to the vanilla? Or who the fuck else want to.
- [94:32]
Adam Carolla
Be with CEO now? Well, I'll tell you. I'll tell you now. Here's how It'll work for CEO. Seal will have plenty of pussy for the next 20 years. Because here's the way chicks work.
- [94:40]
Allison Rosen
This is true.
- [94:41]
Adam Carolla
If they know you were with a model, then they go, good enough for me. Guys, we don't do that math. Like nobody. No one will go like, well, you were fucking Roseanne Barr. I guess that's good enough. I don't care if Antonio Banderas was fucking Roseanne Barr and they were to get married for 20 years. We would not want any part of that just because a good looking guy was with that. But it'll work the opposite way. If when the most beautiful women on the planet decided to fuck you for 10 years, then every other chick will fuck you just based on the hot chick. Yes.
- [95:15]
Allison Rosen
I once went out with a guy who claimed that he had gone out with Gwyneth Paltrow. And that was like enough to make good night. Maybe I'll try it out.
- [95:21]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [95:22]
Allison Rosen
I mean, I didn't sleep with him, but I want to date with him.
- [95:24]
JB Smoove
You want to know what did he. What does he have have attracted her?
- [95:28]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [95:29]
Allison Rosen
And it turned out what he had was a taste for lying. I don't think she ever went out with him.
- [95:34]
JB Smoove
There it is. But this guy is proof he's married to her. All women are thinking right now is what the.
- [95:40]
Adam Carolla
So he gets. He gets the next hot blonde.
- [95:42]
JB Smoove
Yeah. What does he have?
- [95:43]
Adam Carolla
He gets whatever he wants.
- [95:43]
JB Smoove
Now this dude worked. Now this guy was a trained conductor, right?
- [95:46]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [95:47]
JB Smoove
He wouldn't have a hot wife like that.
- [95:48]
Adam Carolla
He.
- [95:49]
JB Smoove
I think you got to wonder, what does Seal have? We wondering now what Seal have, right?
- [95:53]
Adam Carolla
Because I don't.
- [95:53]
Allison Rosen
We're seeing past his scars.
- [95:54]
Adam Carolla
Is he cranking out the heat hits? I don't feel like he's had a hit in a while.
- [95:58]
Dennis Prager
He put.
- [95:58]
JB Smoove
I mean, Seal is like amazing. He is like a icon, right? I'm not saying because, you know, certain people are icons and women love icons, right? They're very iconic. He's iconic, man. He's a wonderful. He's a.
- [96:11]
Allison Rosen
He's got one name.
- [96:12]
JB Smoove
He has one name. He's a damn singer, right?
- [96:15]
Adam Carolla
I met him once.
- [96:16]
JB Smoove
He was married to a supermodel.
- [96:18]
Adam Carolla
I met him once and I didn't even. Fortunately, I didn't even. I didn't know who he was. And I just asked him for some cheese.
- [96:23]
Dennis Prager
Cheese.
- [96:23]
Adam Carolla
And he was offended. He's like British, I guess they don't give out cheese over there.
- [96:29]
JB Smoove
He had no idea.
- [96:31]
Adam Carolla
I just came up behind him. I just saw the bald head, you know?
- [96:35]
JB Smoove
Yeah.
- [96:36]
Allison Rosen
I Bet pretty soon, if you come up, go up to him and ask for cheese, he won't be offended, because maybe not.
- [96:42]
JB Smoove
That guy got loot. He got a little cheese.
- [96:45]
Adam Carolla
He's gonna take a lot of money from her, right?
- [96:46]
JB Smoove
He got changed and he got kids.
- [96:48]
Adam Carolla
Here's all I want to do. I want to sit sealed down in a room, and I'll sit Heidi Klum down in a room, and I will show them a montage of that super mushy, over the top, lovey dovey shit that pops up on Entertainment Tonight over the last 10 years of renewing the vows every year, and Seal wrote another love song for her. All that shit where my wife would look at me and go, you would never, ever do that. I'm going to show him it. And I go, okay, now you two fuckers are divorced. Shut up. Shut up. You're both going to enter a new relationship. Shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear anymore.
- [97:19]
Allison Rosen
Can you imagine if you and Lynette were featured in that footage periodically? Makes other people feel like their relationship isn't good enough.
- [97:26]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, we should say, yeah, more pussy for me.
- [97:32]
Allison Rosen
Adam Carolla bought another.
- [97:34]
Adam Carolla
Bought another car for himself.
- [97:36]
JB Smoove
All I know is, oh, hey. All I know is more white people on. On food stamps than black. That's what I know.
- [97:41]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but we still got to figure out the percentage, because we could have you on volume, but you could have a higher percentage, you know?
- [97:48]
JB Smoove
No, I'm telling you, man. It's been known for years. It's been known for years.
- [97:51]
Adam Carolla
Is my mom was on food stamps. There's certain. I always remember this little controversy.
- [97:56]
JB Smoove
A lot of white people out there.
- [97:57]
Adam Carolla
I think we'd buy cat food.
- [97:59]
JB Smoove
Something else.
- [98:00]
Adam Carolla
There's certain things. You can't buy cat food.
- [98:02]
Allison Rosen
Does your cat have to be on stamps to get food?
- [98:03]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, got to get on. Got to get them on cat stands.
- [98:07]
Allison Rosen
Well, are cats counted as black or white?
- [98:09]
Adam Carolla
Well.
- [98:09]
Allison Rosen
Or tabby?
- [98:10]
Adam Carolla
Oh, well, it depends.
- [98:11]
JB Smoove
That's a question we got to ask now. Is a. Is a pet black because he's with a black family, or is a pet white because. Because he's with a white family?
- [98:20]
Allison Rosen
And what if it's a white pet with a black family? Is that hard for the pet?
- [98:24]
JB Smoove
Can you give your white pet to a black family? Like, hey, man, I got a cat. I have for 10 years. My grandma's sick, man. I can't take care of the cat no more. I'm gonna give you to a black family. Does that cat. Is that cat white? A White family and a white cat in a black family.
- [98:36]
Adam Carolla
And if the black family accepts a cat, how long before you can ask it for cheese?
- [98:42]
JB Smoove
As sooner or later, that cat is gonna gradually turn black.
- [98:45]
Adam Carolla
You know, he's on some kind of.
- [98:46]
JB Smoove
Although he has no color, he's gonna turn black.
- [98:47]
Adam Carolla
You know, they're on some kind of government yarn program.
- [98:51]
JB Smoove
Your pet is gonna automatically turn and adjust to your lifestyle. If you say, sit your ass down. Most times that's probably a black language.
- [98:58]
Adam Carolla
No, it's true.
- [98:59]
JB Smoove
Sit your ass down somewhere and stop licking people. Right? The dog sits the fuck down. Cause now the dog has. Now he understands the black language. Sit your ass down somewhere and stop jumping on the damn couch. You might say, off the couch, Fluffy or whatever.
- [99:13]
Adam Carolla
It's all going into the motivational speech.
- [99:15]
JB Smoove
You have to. All I'm saying is gradually your white chat is going to turn black eventually.
- [99:21]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [99:21]
JB Smoove
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
- [99:22]
Adam Carolla
No, and don't think it's a metaphor.
- [99:26]
JB Smoove
I'm telling the truth. That cat gonna turn black.
- [99:28]
Adam Carolla
Now, listen, let me tell you why. What whitey does. Our dog is on top of the sofa, on top of the comforter, eating off the plate. And I got a nanny from Guatemala. And every time that dog, you know, my wife will take the fork and let the dog eat the chicken skin, and then the dog will be up on the bed. And our Guatemalan nanny. What the is that dirty dog doing on your oversized.
- [99:50]
JB Smoove
Because that's how you guys do it.
- [99:51]
Adam Carolla
Guatemala. Their dogs are dogs. Like, they're. Our dog would have been dead five years ago if it was owned by our nanny because it, you know, has the high blood pressure and a glaucoma and all. It'd just be dead.
- [100:05]
JB Smoove
But what's the difference between you guys allowing your pet to lick you in the mouth and putting food on the fork? What's the difference?
- [100:11]
Adam Carolla
I don't go for the face looking myself, but I don't go.
- [100:15]
JB Smoove
What is the difference?
- [100:16]
Adam Carolla
Well, all right, so if you're. If you're. Yeah, you will. Well, you know, you see. You know, every once in a while, you see somebody speak to their German shepherd in German, which, by the way, is a Jew. Means you should do a shoulder roll and get the out of there.
- [100:31]
Allison Rosen
I don't need to hear that twice.
- [100:33]
Adam Carolla
There are dogs. I mean, obviously in different countries, they speak whatever language they speak. So here'd be like Ebonics, right?
- [100:40]
Dennis Prager
Who.
- [100:41]
JB Smoove
Hey.
- [100:42]
Adam Carolla
So, I mean, I'd say so. If I had a dog, jb, I'D be like, fluffy, if you could. Could you just go ahead and hop off the sofa for me, please? And then eventually, when the dog moved in with you, it would learn to understand.
- [100:57]
JB Smoove
Get your ass off the couch and get in your own bed. Sit your ass down over there somewhere.
- [101:01]
Adam Carolla
Right. See that?
- [101:02]
JB Smoove
Don't move no goddamn more. You know what I mean? That fast.
- [101:05]
Adam Carolla
Right? That fast.
- [101:06]
JB Smoove
And the dog understands it.
- [101:07]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [101:07]
Dr. Bruce
Right.
- [101:08]
JB Smoove
Isn't that crazy?
- [101:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [101:09]
JB Smoove
He knows the difference between off the couch, Fluffy.
- [101:12]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [101:12]
JB Smoove
But like that, right? Get your ass over there and lay down. He'll lay his ass down.
- [101:16]
Allison Rosen
Now, what if the dog was trying to mount someone?
- [101:18]
Adam Carolla
You mean trying to.
- [101:20]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, you know how dogs do that?
- [101:21]
Adam Carolla
You mean doing the dry hump thing on somebody's leg? So I'd say. Well, first I would apologize to the person and then say, Fluffy. Fluffy. No, no, no, no, no, no, girl, that's good. And then I'd bring him in the kitchen for a treat to distract them. Yeah, it would. You like a treat?
- [101:38]
JB Smoove
And I'd be like, I see the door humping your left. Oh, my dog trying to the out you.
- [101:46]
Adam Carolla
That's it.
- [101:47]
JB Smoove
That's all you gotta say. It's happening.
- [101:49]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [101:49]
JB Smoove
You are. You sitting there allowing it to happen. So you must like it. You know, let it go until you. Till you say stop. But you gotta say stop. It's not to me to say stop.
- [101:57]
Adam Carolla
Right, right. I gotta stop fluffing.
- [101:59]
JB Smoove
If it's bothering you, you say, hey, your dog is.
- [102:02]
Allison Rosen
Oh, you mean if you're the. On the receiving end of the dog.
- [102:05]
JB Smoove
The receiver must stop the dog. Or ask the person who owns the dog to stop.
- [102:10]
Allison Rosen
Your dog sometimes ignores the dog.
- [102:12]
JB Smoove
Some people ignore it because they like it. They won't say it or they're too embarrassed. And why is the dog humping on you?
- [102:19]
Adam Carolla
All part of the motivational presentation.
- [102:22]
JB Smoove
You have to understand.
- [102:24]
Allison Rosen
It could be called, why is the dog humping on you with JB Smooth.
- [102:27]
Adam Carolla
A lot of money.
- [102:28]
JB Smoove
Why is the dog humping on you? Why he picked you to humble.
- [102:30]
Adam Carolla
All right. Wrap. Wrap that news.
- [102:33]
Allison Rosen
I'm Allison Rosen. Tip it, cunt. I'm fat, but I'll eat a lot in public.
- [102:39]
Adam Carolla
That was the news with Allison Rosen. Oh. Autoshepperd.com autoshepherd.com JB, you don't work on your own vehicle, do you?
- [102:49]
JB Smoove
Depends what it is. What the problem is, is you don't.
- [102:53]
Adam Carolla
Mind doing a little wrenching.
- [102:54]
JB Smoove
Nothing wrong with wrenching.
- [102:55]
Adam Carolla
Nothing wrong with wrenching. And by the way, we were talking about our founding fathers and how disgusted they would be at us with all this snarking and sniping at each other. We do like little school girls. I'll tell you what they would like. They'd like us to go to autosheperd.com buy our own auto parts and fix our own damn cars. Yeah, they would call it a horseless carriage, but they would still dig it. They would like that. And that's. That's. But if you're an American and you don't want to urinate on the grave of the founding fathers, you'll go to autoshepherd.com open 24 7. They would like that. Orders over $50 are shipped for free. They would like that as well. And if you visit autoshepherd.com Adam and use the promo code Adam, you can save 10% on anything on the site, any part. And they can got everything@autoshepherd.com so make the founding fathers happy. Go to autoshepherd.com, tell them Adam sent you. And by the way, I want to thank Lunar Pages. They offer everything you need to get your personal or business website online. They did ours. They do domains and web design, hosting, enterprise management services that I like as well. Plus for the best in customer first experience. And they are ready to hear you 24, 7, 365 days. Again, they host our site and we couldn't have asked for a better fit. That is Lunar Pages. All right, jb, There we go.
- [104:30]
JB Smoove
Let me ask you something right quick, man. On the directions, at the bottom of directions, it said please wear a clean shirt shirt. You know you're gonna be on air, right?
- [104:38]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [104:39]
JB Smoove
Who has actually come in here with a filthy ass shirt?
- [104:42]
Adam Carolla
Me. I usually wear a filthy shirt. And my daughter actually, my daughter spits at me. By the way, I know this sounds horrible. Let's get her piggyback ride. And she spit on the back of my neck tonight. Oh, she's out of control. She's got to go to trouble, man.
- [105:01]
JB Smoove
You are in trouble, man.
- [105:03]
Adam Carolla
Change my shirt. That's it. My son blew a snot rocket on the phone. My daughter spit on my back.
- [105:08]
JB Smoove
Oh, you control.
- [105:09]
Adam Carolla
They're out of control. I'm going to get run over. 55.
- [105:12]
JB Smoove
You're going to get run over. 55.
- [105:14]
Adam Carolla
JB Smooth, everyone. Russell Simmons presents the Ruckus. It premieres January 26th at 10:00pm on Comedy Central. You can Twitter two episodes Thursday night.
- [105:24]
JB Smoove
Two of us, eight at 8:30. Well, well, you know each other 10 to 10:30, chef. Check.
- [105:30]
Adam Carolla
Check your local listings. You can Twitter him. Oh, snap. JB Smooth at.
- [105:35]
JB Smoove
Oh, snap, JB Smooth.
- [105:39]
Adam Carolla
That's how it needed to be said.
- [105:40]
JB Smoove
You gotta say like that.
- [105:41]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I should say quotations again, exclamation points. Yeah, like a treat dog. All right, so until next time, Saddam Crawford, football. Brian, J.B. smooth and Allison Rosen saying mahalo.
- [105:55]
JB Smoove
Good Jesus, good cheeses. Jeez.
- [106:02]
Adam Carolla
All right, this Adam K Show 740 with JB Smooth. I actually met JB back at the park west in Chicago. I think it was during Adam's first run of shows there for the the live podcast. And he was also doing standup and JB was setting up like a multimedia presentation for his show, including using the curb your enthusiasm DVDs.
- [106:20]
Brian Bishop
I remember watching him set it up.
- [106:21]
Adam Carolla
Up, finding the spot in the audience to kind of check out what it looked like for a crowd member. It was pretty cool. He was that concerned with his showmanship. Nice guy. All right, coming up next, we have Adam Carolla Show 741 featuring Dennis Prager, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2012. Welcome to the podcast, people. Excited Dennis Prager coming in here today. I don't know if everyone knows who Dennis Prager is. Is syndicated radio show host. A lot of real good ideas. We have nothing in common yet we have many of the same ideas.
- [106:56]
Allison Rosen
You're both Adam Carolla fans.
- [106:58]
Adam Carolla
That much? That much we are.
- [107:00]
Brian Bishop
What's his reputation? Is he like, is he right wing? Is he left wing? Is he what is.
- [107:03]
Adam Carolla
He's right wing, but he's very even handed. He listens to everyone. I've even heard him say, like, you know, there's people that argue and they just argue over the top of other people and they never say, well, that's a valid point, but here's my two take. Very valid. He's very Jewish, he's very soft spoken, and he's very smart. I mean, it's really hard to win an argument with him. I've heard many, many try. And we're gonna be doing a show. I've always thought of him like, I don't really think of guys in terms of right wing or left wing or black or white or Jewish or gentile. Actually, I do think the black, but the other part, I don't. So I just think, how's their mind? Like, what kind of mind do they have? And I don't really care what their politics are. I just want to know that there's a nice, robust V8 mind in there that's putting out some horsepower. And then I like to see him go in different directions, you know, I mean, I like. You know, I love Bill Maher's mind. I disagree with a lot of things he says, but I love the fact that he's got some good horsepower behind that.
- [108:10]
Brian Bishop
I love his mind, not his mouth.
- [108:12]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [108:14]
Dennis Prager
Mm.
- [108:14]
Adam Carolla
Mm. 0 for 2 with Brian. How are you doing, Allison Rosen?
- [108:18]
Allison Rosen
I'm good.
- [108:19]
Adam Carolla
All right. I should talk about a few things first. Just a random thought I had as I was driving in tonight. We're doing pretty good. And there's more, you know. You know, poor society. Poor's not as poor as poor used to be poor. Used to be poor. And I've said this many times. Never better time to be poor. And I've said. And being like, oh, come on. But, I mean, you can have a 42 inch flat screen TV and be poor. You can get them for $399 stuff, even with inflation. Go get a newspaper from 1984. See how much a 13 or 15 inch Sony Trinitron color TV was. It was $489, and that's in 1984.
- [109:03]
Allison Rosen
And it weighed like 400 pounds, right?
- [109:05]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. The only good thing is it couldn't be stolen without a pallet jam and three Samoan guys. But now you can get stuff. Food is cheap, entertainment cheap. You can have a little mini Bose surround sound system. You can have your little ipod and burn all your songs onto it. And you can drive a cool car. I mean, seriously, get a Mini Cooper or get a Ford Focus and get a ton of mileage and get some good handling and get some good technology and blah, blah, blah. But the number one sound I realized that poor isn't what poor used to be is. When I was a kid, you'd see kids riding around riding other people on their bicycles constantly. Like, it was constantly just on the handlebars. You know, one guy be holding the two baseball mitts and the other guy be standing on the pegs in the back, like, holding onto the guy's shoulders. And I know there's a safety element, but not everyone had their bike. When I was a kid. Like, some people had a skateboard, some people had a bike. I didn't have a bike and a skateboard simultaneously. Like, I sold my bike and got a skateboard, and then I got rid of my skateboard and got a bike.
- [110:12]
Allison Rosen
Then you got rid of that? Yes.
- [110:13]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, the unicycle stupid mom gave away. Oh, it's in the book, baby. Look out. Look at that.
- [110:20]
Allison Rosen
Pussy.
- [110:20]
Adam Carolla
You missed out on payback is a bitch. Oh, my God. Worst piece of parenting ever. So, well, seriously, you make me give my unicycle away because I got a cast on my shoulder. And then three months later when I go to get my unicycle back and the ass wife that borrowed my unicycle says, I put it in your yard. My mom just goes, well, if he said he put it in the yard, he put it in the yard and it's not in the yard. And then goes, let's move it on.
- [110:42]
Allison Rosen
Not only that, you don't need your arm for a unicycle.
- [110:45]
Adam Carolla
That's what I said. I was riding just fine without it. Point is this, you'd see guys getting pulled on their skateboard. Remember that one? All the time. There was the handlebar ride. There was the weird banana seat, double up. You know, we're just sitting on the bench, your legs kind of flopping out in the distance. That weird up that dangerous, dangerous, dangerous, dangerous, all that stuff. But there was a lot of that. There was a lot of stealing of bikes. You'd see the guy riding the bike who was also at the handlebar of the other bike as he was riding away, like he was impounding a bike.
- [111:15]
Allison Rosen
Or you'd see someone arrive at their bike and it has no seat. Seat.
- [111:19]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, don't see it anymore. It's just like car stereos. It doesn't get stolen anymore. It's not because we're better. It's because everything's so cheap. It's not worth breaking into a car to steal a stereo. You can go down to pep boys for $49 to get all digital stereo player that plays CDs or DVDs or whatever. And it's nothing. It's nothing. Everything is just Japanese and cheap. It's not worth stealing bicycles. Everyone's got a bicycle. No more doubling up. I miss that weird thing of like, when you don't have enough air in your tires and your husky buddy gets on the back, that first two pedals like. And you're like, God damn, this is going to be a long ride to the ball field.
- [111:57]
Brian Bishop
Apropos of this whole conversation as having this thought. Last night or two nights ago, I was falling asleep and I was like, I locked the door and I put the deadbolts on because we have a new house. And I was like, if a thief came in here, they'd be sorely disappointed because I don't think there's anything in our house that's that valuable. Like our TV is worth whatever it is. A few hundred bucks plus depreciation after a few years. Like you can assemble all these nice things these days for not a lot of money. Like nothing in our house is really worth stealing.
- [112:23]
Adam Carolla
Yes, it is not worth. A 42 inch color television is too big, too heavy and too bulky to be worth stealing when you can get them all day long. You can find them online for about 400 bucks.
- [112:37]
Brian Bishop
And it's four years old.
- [112:39]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [112:39]
Adam Carolla
And the point is, is that's brand new. What could he sell a 42 inch 4 year old flat screen for? Answer, nothing. Way under. Whatever. Yeah, whatever amount of crack he would like to buy. Way, way under. All right. A couple of things. I was. I gotta talk about that football. Oh, God. I gambled. I gambled. Such an idiot.
- [113:03]
Brian Bishop
I gambled my heart.
- [113:04]
Adam Carolla
I'm such a. I'm such an. I'm such an ass wipe. You still have the Pro Bowl. Yeah, I still have the Pro Bowl. I haven't gambled in like three years. I've done no gambling because all I do is lose. All I do is lose the last Pro Bowl.
- [113:16]
Brian Bishop
The last time you gambled. Because that was spectacular.
- [113:18]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it was spectacular. It was double or nothing. Double or nothing. Double or nothing. Mike lynch was at the Boston House of Blues when I announced that your Patriots would not cover. And everyone went like. And I was like, oh, no, no, no. Do not work. Do not worry. They will win the game. They will win the game. They're just as they're gonna. As I said to Kevin Hench, he was sitting next to me. He knows I'm a curse, you know, he knows I'm the cooler. And I was sitting with them after the Pats, they beat Denver 45 to 10 or whatever it was. And that 45 was with the governor. They put the restrictor plate on like Brady the brakes. Brady threw six touchdown passes like the first half and then they just started. That could have been 60, 60 to 10 or whatever it was. Okay, now the. The Denver defense is not bad. Tebow doesn't throw for a lot of yards, but their defense was ranked in the top 10 somewhere and did okay and kind of kept them. They would keep them in all those games where it was 10 nothing and 7 nothing. And then Tebow time kick in the playoffs got him in the playoffs. So Denver has a decent defense and the Patriots just lit them up. Just could not stop scoring touchdowns. I mean, laid wasted. Like I said, Tom Brady scored through six touchdowns. He could have thrown eight if they decided to, but they backed it off. Okay? Now, the Ravens defense is a good defense. That used to be a great defense. Ray Lewis has lost a step. Ed Reed's lost a step. These guys, These guys are 14 years in.
- [114:59]
Brian Bishop
The best thing you can say is they picked their spots because they were hurt a lot this year and they weren't as great as they have been, right?
- [115:05]
Adam Carolla
So they're going to play the Patriots and Tom Brady never loses at home. And Tom Brady is going to light him up, in my opinion. And Colt, by the way, when it snows, he plays better. But anyway, Tom Brady proceeds to. Here's some Tom Brady statistics. This is when I gamble. And by the way, I said to Kevin Hench, speaking of picking your spots, when he said, hey, cooler, what are you betting on the Pats for? I'm a Pats fan. What are you doing to me, buddy? I said, oh, no. I said, do not worry. What's the spread, cousin Sal? He said, seven points. I said, they'll win by four. I was off by whole point. They won by three. Yeah, I said, but Kevin, don't worry. You don't understand how this works, do you? Oh, no, they're not going to lose. I would like them to lose. I don't like the Pats. I want them to lose. I don't want them to go to the Super Bowl. I would to like. I would like Ray Lewis and company to go to the. I'd like to see Joe Flacco get a shot at the super bowl and Ed Reed to get a shot at the Super Bowl. No, I do not want the Pats to go back to the super bowl, but they will. And I'll still manage to figure out a way to lose. So the Pats, Brady, I don't know what his quarterback rating was last weekend again weekend before against Denver, had to be 130, 126 or something. His QB rating is 56. I mean, Brady never goes below 80 or 100. I mean, 56 has got to be up at the lowest QB. He throws no touchdowns. He throws two picks. When is the last time Brady had zero thrown touchdowns in a playoff game?
- [116:38]
Brian Bishop
He's like a career 90 passer rating.
- [116:40]
Adam Carolla
Quarterback and under 60 and his thing and they just do all these things where it's like Gronkowski doesn't dot the I, but he got his foot in anyway. But they should have reviewed it because it would have been first down inside the four. But they don't do it. Then they get the ball back and there's a Minute left. They have two timeouts left before, and he's taking a knee. When the hell did the Pats take a knee? I was saying to Mike August, I was saying, you know what this team does? It breaks your will, man, because they score right at the end of half. They'll score with eight seconds left in half every fucking game. When is the last time. With two timeouts, the Pats are taking a knee. When is the last time you seen Brady just off, just. He wasn't getting pressed. The people go, oh, the Ravens D. They're vonta D. No, no, they sacked him once early, like in the. Or maybe sacked him in the first quarter or something like that. Maybe sacked him one time. They did not hit him. They weren't in his face. They did not pressure him that much. He was not throwing the ball.
- [117:34]
Brian Bishop
Well, Gronkowski got hurt, too.
- [117:36]
Adam Carolla
Gronkowski got hurt.
- [117:37]
Brian Bishop
That's a big deal.
- [117:38]
Adam Carolla
But he wasn't really getting it out to him too much. Before that, he was throwing picks. He was. Brady was off.
- [117:43]
Brian Bishop
Don't forget, Osho Cinco wasn't there. I'm back to her all year.
- [117:49]
Adam Carolla
So I'm watching the game, and at a certain point when I realize, okay, they're not gonna cover, then I curse the poor Ravens, because now I go, come on, Ravens, let's win this game. Let's win this game. Ravens.
- [118:02]
Brian Bishop
Watching the game, I thought something was different about them, right?
- [118:04]
Adam Carolla
About that, right?
- [118:04]
Brian Bishop
You were cheering for them, and I.
- [118:05]
Adam Carolla
Started cheering for the Ravens, and next thing you know, they hit their wide out in the corner. Touchdown. Oh, no. The ball got slapped out. All right, he's gonna kick a 31 yarder, go OT. No, they lost. So I spent the first three quarters cheering for the Pats, going, please, Brady, start covering. Throw the ball. Get the foot. Do your. He's a machine. He's an offensive machine. And like I said, Denver, yes. Defense, not as good as the Ravens, but top 10 and not bad. Not a bad. Not a porous, bad defense. They've been keeping them in every game that Tebow had won.
- [118:42]
Brian Bishop
Oh, the Broncos.
- [118:43]
Adam Carolla
The Broncos. And they mowed through that. It's like they had eight guys on the field, and they were at the junior college level. And Brady just played a shitty game. Brady was just bad. I mean, two picks, no touchdowns, and under 60 in the range. That's what I do. And by the way, Brady better come talk to me, because I can affect the future with my horrible Mojo. And the second. The second we got into, like, got about two minute we got about two to four minutes into the fourth quarter, and I realized they're not going to cover. And then I thought, come on, Joe Flacco. Come on, Joe Flacco. Nope. Now it's over.
- [119:17]
Allison Rosen
A demotivational speaker lost twice.
- [119:20]
Brian Bishop
That's the worst part about the seven point spreads is you can lose both ways. You know, your team loses, so they break your heart and you lose your bet.
- [119:26]
Adam Carolla
Yes, yes, yes. All right, so how much did you lose? Yeah. Thousand bucks. That's right. I'll make it back in the super bowl or the Pro Bowl.
- [119:36]
Allison Rosen
And who won this from you?
- [119:38]
Adam Carolla
Everyone. Everyone. Everyone won it. Oh, yeah. Bad times. Bad times. It's not really the money. It's just the fact that I'm now on, I think, nine games in a row, and I only bet once every. I've spread it out. It's not like that's. That's the season. I'm betting three years. All. All the Pats had to do is score some points at home. That. That's really what I was betting. I was really betting that the Pats would do one of their 31 or 34 point games, which they just roll at home. I mean, Brady's looks unstoppable until yesterday.
- [120:11]
Brian Bishop
What compelled you to gamble after all this time off?
- [120:15]
Adam Carolla
I was just sitting there next to cousin Sal.
- [120:18]
Allison Rosen
Oh, okay.
- [120:19]
Brian Bishop
It was an impulse decision. It was impulse.
- [120:21]
Adam Carolla
I saw them at the time. I had a couple beers in me. I saw them just destroy Denver. And I said, well, come on. And then I knew it would be about a touchdown. And I knew it was like 9 points or 10 points for Denver, too, but when it's 31 to 7, that 10 points doesn't feel like much. So, yeah, that's what happened anyway. Very, very excruciating. Well, not only that, but then I wanted the Ravens to win. That was the part that killed me. And the difference between dynasties and the teams you forget about is never really. Not really. Their receiver had both hands on the ball, essentially was tucking it in, and they'd won the game. And he didn't go down. He really should have just covered. He should have just rolled. And that's the difference between good teams and great teams. Ball slapped out. Never remember that play. Missed extra point. It's really. The Ravens really just should have been there. There was 18 seconds or 23 seconds on the clock, and it wasn't, oh, that was so close in the corner of the end zone. And it was no, he caught the ball and started to turn around, came.
- [121:22]
Brian Bishop
Down with two feet and the ball slapped away.
- [121:24]
Adam Carolla
Right. And two years ago it would have been a touchdown or whenever they changed the rule.
- [121:28]
Brian Bishop
Yes, that's absolutely right.
- [121:29]
Allison Rosen
Have you ever, ever won a bet or a raffle or a gambling thing or a lottery thing or a luck thing or anything like that?
- [121:36]
Adam Carolla
I. No, I've won the lottery of life.
- [121:42]
Allison Rosen
I mean, aside from that. Losers, right?
- [121:45]
Brian Bishop
All those scratchers.
- [121:46]
Adam Carolla
Every time I look in the mirror.
- [121:47]
Allison Rosen
I realize, well, you won the genetic lottery.
- [121:49]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. No, I should take my own advice, which I am going to convince my kids you are not lucky at all. And that's why you must work harder than anyone else. Meaning if it comes down to a coin toss. I've said it all the time. I said it with my pilots. I did two very good pilots, one for cbs, one for NBC. But they weren't great. They were just good. And they were better than the other shows that they put on, which have long since failed. And you've seen those shows. Wasn't better than work it, but it was better than many of the other shows that come on. But it wasn't great. It was very good. It was very solid. And it was better than the others, but it was not great. And it's this. And you know, so people say, well, you pissed off about it. And I say no, because. Because if you knock a guy out, then you don't leave it to the judges. Then you win the fight. If you dominate the fight, but you don't knock the guy out and you leave it to the judges, you could get a bad decision. That happens all the time. So in life it's not good enough to be good because then it's going to the judges. And the judges make bad calls. They do all the time. I mean, I've worked around enough people. I've been in the business long enough.
- [123:13]
Allison Rosen
Enough.
- [123:14]
Adam Carolla
You know, as I've said many times, Jimmy and I were together on the same station on the air at the same time, and we were told to spread out. I've also tried to pitch shows where Jimmy and I hosted a nighttime radio show and told that Jimmy wasn't good and that he wasn't talent. We had to be, I mean, over and over and over again. It's not like people have an eye for anything, whether it's talent or pilots. You must be great if you are just good or show potential. You may show potential, they may not absorb potential. I've not been around a lot of potential shammies.
- [123:50]
Allison Rosen
Right. Their potential receptors could be clogged.
- [123:52]
Adam Carolla
Yes. I need a Potential shamwow. And I've not been around many of those.
- [123:58]
Brian Bishop
Was it your. I think it was your advice of, like, don't leave it up to the judges. Basically, don't leave any doubt. You know what I mean?
- [124:05]
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm saying. And so. So if you want to do a pilot that guarantees getting on the air, and by the way, you're showing it to a bunch of numbskulls, if you want a guarantee that your pilot's going to get on the air, you must do a great pilot. I did what I thought was a good pilot. I mean, and Brian was there. And when you see what it was up against, you'll see that it was better. And then people will say to you, well, I don't get it. Why wasn't your pilot? Because we left it up to the judges. And the judges can make bad pieces.
- [124:34]
Brian Bishop
To be fair, I was in the midst of radiation.
- [124:36]
Adam Carolla
That's true.
- [124:36]
Brian Bishop
I laugh my ass off. I don't know what I was laughing at.
- [124:41]
Adam Carolla
Isaac. All right. Excited about Dennis Prager coming in here. And let's see. Why don't you get some news whipped up? Sat next to an air marshal on my way out.
- [124:57]
Allison Rosen
Ooh. How'd you know?
- [125:00]
Adam Carolla
He gave me a commemorative coin with pictures.
- [125:03]
Allison Rosen
What was it commemorating?
- [125:04]
Adam Carolla
Pictures of the twin towers on it. Wow.
- [125:07]
Allison Rosen
That's kind of.
- [125:08]
Brian Bishop
That could be a threat.
- [125:09]
Adam Carolla
I was like, you're lucky I've been drinking. Otherwise I'd be freaked out. But anyway, yeah, I would argue that. Probably best wait till we get on the ground before you give the Twin Tower.
- [125:20]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [125:20]
Adam Carolla
I mean, it's like the Franklin Mint commemorative whatever, you know, that could be.
- [125:26]
Brian Bishop
Cause two is a threat.
- [125:27]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Yeah. I was talking to him about his gig. I said, we always get to sit in the front of the plane, right? And he said, no, not always. I thought, ah, that sucks. The one good thing about, you know, being an air marshal is you got to be up front next to the cockpit. He said, no, no, no. I said, now, how does it work? Because you can't drink. My two favorite things are drinking, tuning out, and falling asleep. And that's just with my kids. That's three. Yeah, that's. That's why I tuned out to one of those. So I don't even count it. But that's just spending time with my kids when I'm on an airplane. Forget about it.
- [126:02]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [126:03]
Adam Carolla
And you have to sort of be vigilant, and you have to be up.
- [126:07]
Allison Rosen
I think, more than sort of even.
- [126:08]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But you can't be. You can't be standing around like a linebacker because people know who you are.
- [126:12]
Allison Rosen
Covertly vigilant.
- [126:13]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And you have to, you know, but you can't drink. But if you don't eat, it's going to be weird, you know, If I'm a jihadist and I'm looking at a husky guy sitting on an airplane, he's like, no, thanks. No, thanks, no, thanks. I'm like, all right, what's this dude doing up in first class? You know? I mean, how come he's not taking any of that wild salmon? You know what I mean? So I said, do you have to? He said, no drinking, no falling asleep. And no. But I said, well, you have to eat. And he said, nah, nah, you can. Can you can or can. I said, what? He does a lot of international flights, but imagine you're just flying to Paris and you're staying there for like 12 hours and get back on another plane again. It's insane. I asked him what percentage of air marshals were on airplanes. He said, he can tell me, but I can't tell you.
- [127:03]
Allison Rosen
And did he tell you?
- [127:04]
Adam Carolla
Yes, he did.
- [127:05]
Brian Bishop
Write it down.
- [127:05]
Adam Carolla
Show it to me. It's not high. Oh, crap. It is not high.
- [127:09]
Allison Rosen
If we guess, will you let us know if we're close?
- [127:11]
Adam Carolla
I got two. Two percent or just two guys?
- [127:16]
Allison Rosen
Two percent.
- [127:17]
Adam Carolla
It's a little higher than that, but not a whole lot. And you're Fairly close, under 10. I realized that out of respect. I won't say anymore. He was a good guy. And I said to him, I realized as I was talking to Mike. Talking to Mike lynch about it, you know, the whole idea, like, flying out of D.C. i got the random. I got pulled out randomly for the gunpowder swab down. You know what I'm saying? That thing where it's like they pull you out of line, you put your hands out, they take the blue thing on the stick, looks like a tuning fork or something. They rub it across your hands, and then they just go, see if I have any extra tnt. Like I was, you know, just, you know, you know me. I'll put sulfur and blasting powder together sometimes. My hotel room. Just for kids.
- [128:07]
Brian Bishop
You're trying Wilycast.
- [128:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know me. And. And. All right, so this is supposed to be a deterrent. And. But I said to. I said to Mike the one time out of every 250 times that's not really a deterrent. Like, if you told most guys who are breaking into a house, say, about one in a hundred times, Somebody's going to be in there. But the other 99 times is wide open. Open with no alarm. They take that chance that criminals are doing a sort of. That's kind of their business, like, taking that chance. And when you're talking about guys that are suicide bombers, taking chances is kind of. It's kind of in the application. I think when they do their Al Qaeda resume, it's right in there. Do you mind? Are you a risk taker? You know what I mean? Yeah. So the random. Hey, we're gonna keep everyone off balance by randomly pulling white people out of line and swabbing them down. It's a charade.
- [129:05]
Allison Rosen
It is.
- [129:06]
Adam Carolla
It is. Obviously it is. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't do anything. It's not like. It's not like there's a bunch of people behind me in line that like. Ooh, noted, Noted.
- [129:16]
Allison Rosen
I had a bunch of sock full.
- [129:18]
Adam Carolla
Of C4, but you know what? This time, no. Doesn't do anything. It's for us.
- [129:24]
Allison Rosen
So they just swab your hands?
- [129:26]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, just do the hands.
- [129:27]
Allison Rosen
So essentially, you could be covered in explosives, but if you washed your hands, well, you'd be fine.
- [129:31]
Adam Carolla
Well, I think they think if you're making a bomb, but who the hell's not, by the way? The terrorists know this.
- [129:37]
Allison Rosen
Everyone used Purell.
- [129:38]
Adam Carolla
So you're wearing. You're using Purell or you're using, you know, using rubber gloves or whatever it is. But anyway, I got my commemorative coin. That's nice. That's nice. So far, two air marshals I've flown with, one guy was just a guy who was packed into a blazer. And, you know, the guy wears the blazer that looks like, you know, the guy who never wears a blazer. And then you see him at a funeral and he's packed into it or the wedding, and he just looks uncomfortable. There was some sort of attire code back in the day that said you must sit in first class. You must wear a blazer. But this guy never been in a blazer before. And also, these guys aren't good with their rap. You know, Like I said to him, so what do you do? And he's like, in business. And I said, what kind of business? Okay, I'm an air marshal. Like, he had no. He had no portrait that was wrapped.
- [130:27]
JB Smoove
Yeah.
- [130:27]
Brian Bishop
Broke in pretty quick.
- [130:29]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [130:29]
Allison Rosen
It's funny because that's what you always hope someone in business would say, but that's never what they really say.
- [130:33]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it would be nice. Yeah. Usually they talk your ear off about pipe Fittings. All righty. You getting ready for some news over there, legalzoom. Legalzoom.com. your New Year's resolution. My New Year's resolution is to not do any New Year's resolution spots after the 2025. So look out.
- [130:56]
Allison Rosen
Mine is to stop making stupid legal decisions on my own.
- [131:00]
Adam Carolla
That's right. I need help from Legal Zoom. That's right. You want to. You want a will, living, trust, start your own business. Like air marshaling. Yes, that's right. I don't think you can do that, Monpie. Air Marshall, Grassroots.
- [131:14]
Allison Rosen
Tired of those big box air marshalships.
- [131:16]
Adam Carolla
That's right.
- [131:17]
Brian Bishop
Buy local.
- [131:18]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, and make my own gun. Not bad. I made it out of soap. Huh? What do you think?
- [131:24]
Allison Rosen
I think it's great. Sterile.
- [131:26]
Adam Carolla
And then I throw a little my weird mixed martial arts crap on. Hey, Hi. Yeah, toss all my shit on you. Show you how I can choke a guy out with a strap from a carry on bag some of my own things. You know what I mean? Of course we don't have the same policies. You know, we can drink. We can not only eat our food, but eat food off the other trays next ours. You know what I mean?
- [131:45]
Brian Bishop
That's our eminent domain. Over your face.
- [131:48]
Adam Carolla
That's right. That's right. Legal Zoom, they'll give you step by step and they'll tell you how to do the process. They'll make it simple. They'll get the total customer support that you need, including an attorney and the help from an attorney if you need it. So it is that simple. Over legalzoom.com that is legalzoom.com for personal and business documents that have been accepted in courts and government agencies in all 50 states. States you can trust Legal Zoom. For more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. For a better way to do the law, go to legalzoom.com Attorney support is provided through independent attorneys available in most states. Legal Zoom is not a lawyer, and self help services are provided at your direction. All right, should we do a little news and then we'll bring Dennis Prager in?
- [132:34]
Allison Rosen
Or should we bring Dennis in now because he might want to comment on all the news?
- [132:38]
Adam Carolla
You know, maybe you're right. Yeah, we got some calls. Yeah. I'll tell you what, let's take a quick break. Dennis and I are going to be at the Redondo Beach Performing Arts center doing what we call an evening with myself and Dennis Prager. February 25th, Bakersfield Fox Theater. That is Saturday, March 3rd. And Seattle and Portland and Spokane coming back, people all coming up. Go to AdamKroll.com and look for those dates. We will take a quick break then come back with the great Dennis Prager next. Yeah, excited. Dennis Prager, man, I've always been a fan of is on the podcast. Finally a great mind of Dennis Prager. I used to listen to Dennis out here. Religion on the Line, I believe was the name of the show back in the mountain. I don't know, late 80s. I would listen.
- [133:39]
Dennis Prager
Early, early 80s.
- [133:41]
Adam Carolla
Early 80s.
- [133:41]
Dennis Prager
You were in elementary school.
- [133:44]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Rick Asen on top. Yeah, that was early 80s through when exactly?
- [133:53]
Dennis Prager
82 to 92.
- [133:54]
Adam Carolla
And you would have like, you would get a rabbi and a priest, A.
- [133:57]
Dennis Prager
Priest and a minister. I know it sounds like rabbi, priest, minister joke, but yet.
- [134:02]
Adam Carolla
And I've always had a great appreciation for the Jewish religion and I'll tell you why. My family was a group of sort of atheists and I say atheists because religion was something and they were nothing. So I don't know what they believed in, but they didn't believe in doing things as a family or getting up too early on a Sunday morning and putting on a jacket and going somewhere and especially putting money into a basket that was going around. So it's hard to tell whether they were just non religious people or that just religion was something and they didn't want to do anything. And that was my family. But I had my grandfather whose name was Laszlo, who was a Hungarian Jew. He was my step grandfather, but he was the only grandfather I ever knew. And when you're young, you don't know what a Jew is. You just know that there's one guy in the group, group who says, are you hungry?
- [135:03]
Dennis Prager
And that's him.
- [135:04]
Adam Carolla
And that was him. Then no one else said, are you hungry? He'd say, you should eat, you know, you should eat. And then you'd be leaving and he'd say, you should take a sweater. And you'd be like, why are you asking me if I'm cold? And then, you know, I'd go to school and he'd be like, where's your lunch? You need a lunch. You don't go to school. That and he was the one guy who kept saying, let me pack you a lunch, let me get you a sweater. Let me tell you a story. He would spit. The Hungarians are exceptionally long winded and you know how the Jews can get too. So between the Jew and the Hungarian part, the man could weave a tail. And he was telling stories and packing lunches and making goulash And I thought, this guy's good. Why isn't everyone else more like this guy? And then later on I sort of did the Jewish math and realized, ah.
- [135:49]
Dennis Prager
It'S a lot of fun to hear how your group is perceived by others. It really. I actually did a show. It's amazing. I'm still on the air. I actually did a show a couple of years ago on our stereotypes legit. So I was very open and I said, for example, Asian drivers, of course they're legit.
- [136:12]
Adam Carolla
They're all legit, right? They have to be legit or they don't catch on.
- [136:15]
Dennis Prager
Well, by and large, I have to admit, they tend to be legit.
- [136:19]
Adam Carolla
It's a very easy way to do it, but it's in my book somewhere. I did it once on a TV show where you have the wheel of ethnic stereotypes. The wheel of ethnic stereotypes. And you do this thing where you go, if you want to do Jewish runs, Hollywood frugal diamond merchants, you spin around, it lands on Mexican, everyone goes, okay, that one's wrong. But why do you know it's wrong? It's going to be wrong with Asian, it's going to be wrong with American Indian. Well, why do you know it's wrong? Like, I would never catch on. Like, if you want, Germans are such horrible slow drivers, you know what I mean? Everyone in the room's gonna go, no, I don't know what you mean. And then it never catches on.
- [137:00]
Allison Rosen
Those lazy Germans.
- [137:01]
Adam Carolla
It has to be. Yes, there has to be kernels of truth and huge. No, nay, nuggets. Huge boulders of truth or they will never. It never catches on, right?
- [137:11]
Dennis Prager
Unless people just want to be malicious. But non malicious stereotypes are pretty accurate, even malicious.
- [137:18]
Adam Carolla
Oh, they're all correct. You couldn't say Labradors are very vicious dogs because everyone goes, I have a Labrador and it's sweetest dog. No, you have to. It has to be about a pit bull or German shepherd. Now you can have a pit bull that's never bit anyone, but in order to get some traction, it has to be a dog that does a lot of biting. And then we've created a society where people just argue with you. Many pit bulls are. And the pit bulls are victims of society and it's because of their own owners. I just say there's a bottom line. Pit bulls bite people more than Labradors do. And that's what we should focus on. Dennis is with me on this. Yes, yes, I am.
- [137:54]
Dennis Prager
Your story reminds me of one of my most embarrassing stories, which may explain the reason that that Marriage didn't last as long as it should have. A previous one wife came home one day. This is an actual truth because it reminded me when you sat bit by a pit bull or bit by a Labrador. And she looked in pain and she had quite a severe cuts and bruises on her arm. I said, what happened? She said, I was walking in a parking lot and there was a window open and I was bit by a door. And I said, bitten.
- [138:43]
Adam Carolla
Women love that.
- [138:45]
Dennis Prager
Love it.
- [138:46]
Adam Carolla
Love it.
- [138:46]
Dennis Prager
They do. It's the. What I did was the antithesis of sympathy. The antithesis, yes.
- [138:53]
Adam Carolla
That is so perfect. Yeah, I know.
- [138:55]
Allison Rosen
How much longer did it last?
- [138:58]
Dennis Prager
Not much. But it's a self deprecating story. I fully admit it, but I can't.
- [139:04]
Adam Carolla
He did get through her rabies shots. I. She only got through one side.
- [139:09]
Dennis Prager
Bad grammar. I just. I'm sorry.
- [139:11]
Adam Carolla
Oh, well, we all.
- [139:12]
Dennis Prager
We all have our thing. Right?
- [139:14]
Adam Carolla
No, I understand. But that, that is a classic. That's a classic story and it's how guys are. How guys are wired. Yeah. Versus how women are wired.
- [139:23]
Dennis Prager
I would have said it to a guy too if he had been bitten.
- [139:26]
Adam Carolla
Right. Now here's what I. I was about.
- [139:28]
Dennis Prager
To say it to you, but it's your show.
- [139:30]
Adam Carolla
No, that. Here, my version of that would have been. Allison, you brought be Dennis wife or be my wife and say what happened? That you were bitten by a dog.
- [139:40]
Allison Rosen
Did I say it that way?
- [139:41]
Adam Carolla
She said bit. Say it that way. No, you can say bit because I wouldn't know about that part.
- [139:46]
Allison Rosen
Okay. This horrible thing happened to me. Look at my arm. I was bit.
- [139:50]
Adam Carolla
Well, you have to tell the story the way.
- [139:51]
Allison Rosen
Oh, okay. So I was in.
- [139:53]
Adam Carolla
Please.
- [139:54]
Allison Rosen
Was it a parking lot?
- [139:55]
Adam Carolla
How many times do we have to talk about recreations?
- [139:56]
Allison Rosen
I don't know. I was in a parking lot and there was a car and the window was open and there was the cutest dog, but I walked in and I was bitten.
- [140:06]
Adam Carolla
What kind of car was it? I didn't notice.
- [140:10]
Dennis Prager
That's worse.
- [140:11]
Adam Carolla
You don't know what kind of car it was?
- [140:12]
Dennis Prager
No, no. What kind of car? It was much worse than correcting the grammar. It's a lower level.
- [140:17]
Adam Carolla
No, it is.
- [140:18]
Dennis Prager
Let's be honest.
- [140:19]
Adam Carolla
No, no, I'm saying I'm a poor man's version of you. We've discussed this before. Dennis Prager was making a very interesting point. I thought it was really relevant. I thought it was interesting and we talked about it on his show last week. But Luther King's holiday last week he was on the air as he always is. He likes to broadcast on days on national holidays. Yeah, that days are important because he believes that's part of the. Everyone else is taking the day off, in other words. But during Memorial Day, he's on the air talking about veterans.
- [140:53]
Dennis Prager
That's right.
- [140:54]
Adam Carolla
Which I like. And by the way, the radio show is the Dennis Prager show and it's weekdays at 9am, 12pm Pacific. And it's on Karol A870. Find it online. And you can go to prageruniversity.com, and Dennis prager.com But he was saying something about Martin Luther King and how he went from Reverend Martin Luther King to Dr. Martin Luther King. And I thought it was a pretty interesting point.
- [141:22]
Dennis Prager
Yeah. Well, as early as 50 years ago and throughout American history, Reverend was a very respected type title. Rabbi, Reverend Father. That's about as respected as you got. And he was always known. I was a kid then, but I remember it's the Reverend Doctor or the Reverend Martin Luther King, who's usually the Reverend Martin Luther King. Then it became the Reverend Doctor and then it was Doctor Right. Because we no longer respect religion.
- [141:57]
Adam Carolla
And I said to Dennis that I believe that people, and especially folks on the left like to correct because they're into education. Education. Education without correction is a, is a kayak without a paddle. You just. There's no correcting. And I grew up with it. I had a whole family of over educated underachievers who like to sit around and correct everybody, but never go out and roll up their sleeves and do anything. And I was talking to Dennis and this goes on about, you know, the Indian becomes the American, Indian becomes the Native American. As I've always talked about, the Carnegie. The Carnegie families become the Carnegie Foundation. It's still Carnegie hall, but if you listen to pbs, it's a generous grant from the Carnegie Foundation. Why the hell do you get Carnegie? The Carnegie foundation from Carnegie have to keep moving. Keep one. I forgot to bring up perfect. When I was a kid, if you got a dog and you got a dog from the pound, you got a dog from the pound. The rescues. Now she's a rescue. I rescued her. A lot of it is making me and them sound better. And there's a lot of correcting going on. The Cannes Film Festival became the Cannes Film Festival. And then it went back to the Cannes Film Festival when everyone could pronounce the con version of it.
- [143:24]
Dennis Prager
How about Negro, black, African American, Afro American? The same human being has four different identities in one lifetime.
- [143:33]
Adam Carolla
As soon as you settle in on one, somebody will correct you and they'll create a new one. Visually impaired. I got in this big argument. I got two horrible arguments on Loveline once where somebody said so. I said. I said, so you. Your rape victim. I'm a rape survivor. I said, well, but victim too, right? They said, no survivor. I said, victim, right. No survivor. Rape survivor. And I got in another argument with blind versus visually impaired, which I heard somebody speak about on your show. A blind woman called in.
- [144:08]
Dennis Prager
She said, I wish I were visually impaired. I'm blind.
- [144:11]
Adam Carolla
I said visually impaired. It means you might be able to. To still drive a car.
- [144:15]
Dennis Prager
I'm visually impaired. I wear glasses.
- [144:17]
Adam Carolla
Right. Some you can see lights and shadows and then there's blinds. So some is actually confusing. All right, sorry.
- [144:25]
Brian Bishop
Can I ask a question? He may know. I've wondered for a long time and you touched on it just a second ago. When did words, if you know, words like negro and colored go from like the preferred nomenclature, like they named the, you know, NAACP and the United Negro College Fund, like they were the words that were embraced by that community to words you can't say now? Like if you call someone a negro or that's a colored guy, that's the.
- [144:48]
Dennis Prager
One of the features. And may I be political for a moment?
- [144:52]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [144:53]
Dennis Prager
One of the features of the left is constantly believing people are being offended. If people are no longer offended, then the left goes out of business and so everybody at some point is offended and needs a new name. Since blacks are the most offended, according to left wing understanding of American life, they go through the most nomenclature change. I don't know what was wrong with Negro. I have no idea. I don't know what was wrong with black. I don't know what was wrong with African American that it had to be Afro American or African American with a hyphen or dash and no dash. But the American Indian, no, they're offended. It's gotta be Native American.
- [145:41]
Adam Carolla
Well, the process is to correct you, not. I mean, I do believe, and I honestly, this sounds horrible, but if you think about all the names that a lot of black moms choose or in black dads choose for their kids, they're names that need to be corrected. When you name your kid Anthony, somebody's gonna say Anthony and then you're gonna correct them and say, no, it's Anthony.
- [146:07]
Dennis Prager
Oh, and that's the reason they give that name.
- [146:09]
Adam Carolla
I believe. Here's the whole thing. I believe this. When your group, whatever your group is, is making a lot of money and prosperous, you're not into correcting people because you're too busy making money. And you just want to move forward. You don't get the credit. There's not a bunch of stuff you can throw at rich white guys in terms of offending them because they're like, all right, I'll just buy another Rolls Royce and make myself feel better. They don't have that. You need to be in a place where you feel like you're not doing as well as you could be doing. Society is not doing for you what society should be doing. You need to be. And some of it is historical, obviously, but you need to be in that place. I mean, you take a look at what the Jews have been through historically and what the blacks have been through historically. Historically, they've both been through a ton. But the Jews are doing much better now than the blacks. The prisons aren't filled with Jews. Thus you can make all the Jewish jokes you want, really on television, and you're not going to get any crap with it. And the Jews don't really care because they're too busy selling diamonds.
- [147:17]
Dennis Prager
That's what he wants, somebody. He took a gulp.
- [147:20]
Adam Carolla
They're too big. They're too busy producing movies and selling diamonds and doing whatever they're doing, too business. I mean. I mean, the Jews have been to hell and back. The blacks have been to hell and back. The problem with the Jews is they did better and the blacks didn't. And thus you can joke and screw around with and do all the stereotype and do whatever you want, and no one's really gonna say anything about it. And none of the Jews are gonna say anything about it either. They don't really care. They're doing well. When you're prospering, it's like when you're not fat. Fat jokes don't hurt. You know what I'm saying?
- [147:53]
Dennis Prager
Right.
- [147:53]
Adam Carolla
You're 10 pounds overweight. You can take a fat joke. You're 100 pounds overweight.
- [147:56]
Dennis Prager
It hurts, though. I will tell you, believe it or not, that there are a fair number of Jews who will take offense. For example, if you say Jews are smart, if you said Jews are stupid, they could handle it better.
- [148:12]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [148:13]
Dennis Prager
They are worried that people will think Jews are smart. Because if you think Jews are smart, maybe you'll want to shoot them or some other terrible thing. Well, but it is fascinating that even a competition. Jews are.
- [148:26]
Allison Rosen
No, I think you're right, because historically, Jews have been thought of as smart and prosperous and rich, and that has not helped them.
- [148:33]
Dennis Prager
That's right, exactly. So It's a very. It's understandable, though. In America, there's so little antisemitism that Jews just roll with any joke. But in Europe, if something like that were said, Jews would be afraid and unfortunately, they'd have reason to be.
- [148:49]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. It's. Anyway, the correctness. It's me hearing Nancy Pelosi explaining to the general that she doesn't want to be called ma'. Am, that she. No, no.
- [149:00]
Dennis Prager
Oh, no, that was.
- [149:01]
Adam Carolla
What's her name?
- [149:02]
Dennis Prager
Barbara Boxer. Barbara Boxer. But that was unbelievable. That was unbelievable. It was. I don't know how she wasn't embarrassed in doing that. Did she not know that the military say ma' am and sir, and that doesn't care.
- [149:15]
Adam Carolla
She's narcissistic. Talking about her.
- [149:17]
Dennis Prager
It's unbelievable.
- [149:19]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You can tell the story quickly if you'd like.
- [149:22]
Dennis Prager
Well, yeah, there was a major figure, a general, if my memory serves, who was testifying at a committee that she was a member of in the Senate. And she would ask him questions and he would say, yes, ma', am, no, ma'. Am. And finally she said, you know, I've worked all my life for the title senator. I would appreciate if you'd call me Senator.
- [149:47]
Adam Carolla
Senator.
- [149:48]
Dennis Prager
And I wish he would have said, certainly, ma'. Am. But he didn't.
- [149:52]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [149:53]
Dennis Prager
What these guys have to. These guys who testify, you know the best this is. You gotta look it up and play it for your audience.
- [150:01]
Adam Carolla
All right.
- [150:01]
Dennis Prager
I wish I had the.
- [150:02]
Adam Carolla
We'll do it.
- [150:04]
Dennis Prager
You'll be able to find it. There's no question. We have it. At my show, there was a guy testifying from the military, a distinguished admiral, actually. Actually. And at a congressional committee, and he was talking about bringing troops. I believe it was putting US Troops on Guam, on the island of Guam, and a congressman, I don't remember from which state. I think South Carolina, but I'm not certain, actually said, this is so unbelievable that your listeners will have to check it up to know. Anyway, I'm not fooling. I might have too much credibility. Yeah, exactly. And what did he say? He said, well, Admiral, won't it be a problem if you put on so many troops on one side of the island, it may tip over.
- [150:51]
Adam Carolla
Really?
- [150:51]
Dennis Prager
I swear to God.
- [150:54]
Adam Carolla
Well, we have. We have the Barbara Boxer one, and then we'll see about the.
- [150:59]
Dennis Prager
You got to get the other one. Will the island tip over a congressman?
- [151:03]
Adam Carolla
Well, why has it been delayed, Mamet? The LACPR is, you know.
- [151:11]
JB Smoove
Do me a favor.
- [151:12]
Adam Carolla
Could you say senator instead of ma'?
- [151:13]
Allison Rosen
Am?
- [151:14]
Adam Carolla
It's Just the thing.
- [151:15]
Allison Rosen
I worked so hard to get that title, so I'd appreciate it. Yes, thank you.
- [151:19]
Adam Carolla
It's all about you, ma'. Am. It's all about whatever they're talking about. It's not about you, sweet pea. It's about whatever they're talking about.
- [151:26]
Allison Rosen
I feel like Sweet Pea wouldn't have been what she wanted to be called.
- [151:28]
Adam Carolla
Sugar tits. Whatever Mel Gibson could come up with with drunk, I'd give mel Gibson a 12 pack, spin him around and say, quick, give me a zinger. Quick. Question for you, Dennis Prager. What is going on? I know you love yourself some Israel.
- [151:44]
Dennis Prager
What is going on?
- [151:45]
Adam Carolla
What? I love Israel as well. I don't know anything about it. I don't want to go there, but I love Israel. I love Israel.
- [151:52]
Allison Rosen
That's the commercial.
- [151:53]
Adam Carolla
I know everyone around them hates them. And it used to be that I felt like the left in this country were fans of Israel back in the day because Jews were traditionally on the left. And Israel are filled with Jews, last I checked. And they supported them. They're fans of them now, not so much.
- [152:14]
Dennis Prager
They supported the left, supported Israel from 1948 to 1967. First, as you point out, it was founded by Jewish socialists. So that was a big deal for them, the left. And secondly, and most important, they were victims. The left doesn't divide the world between right and wrong, but between strong and weak or rich and poor. So as soon as Israel got strong in 67, they shifted alliances over to the new victim, and that's the Palestinian or the Arab. And ever since then, the left has been the most anti Israel force outside of the Arab world.
- [152:51]
Adam Carolla
Why? It seems so counterintuitive to me. Counterintuitive?
- [152:55]
Dennis Prager
It's beyond belief.
- [152:56]
Adam Carolla
Jews on the left. I mean, you must argue with your fellow Jews about this concept.
- [153:00]
Dennis Prager
Don't. Don't start me.
- [153:01]
Adam Carolla
Go ahead.
- [153:03]
Dennis Prager
Don't start me. Go ahead. Why Jews are on the left is one of the great puzzles. I could spend hours explaining it. I won't. I don't want to bore everybody. But in a nutshell, Shell, when Jews left Judaism, and most Jews have left Judaism, just as so many Christians have left Christianity, but they're no longer called Christians. Jews are still called Jews because of the ethnic part, right? But when Jews left Judaism, they didn't stop being religious. They took on secular religious attitudes. And that was all on the left, whether it was socialism, Marxism or environmentalism or feminism. If it's an ism and a Jew left Judaism, then a Jew will gravitate to another Ism. That, in a nutshell, explains.
- [153:56]
Adam Carolla
So there was an ism. There was an ism vacuum.
- [153:59]
Dennis Prager
There was an ism vacuum. That is exactly right. And also there was a big belief that if everybody gives up a religious identity, the world will be beautiful. Because Jews had been so hurt by Christians in Europe that they felt if everybody stops being religious, including us, the world will be beautiful. A secular world will be a beautiful world.
- [154:23]
Adam Carolla
Well, it just seems like from an atheist in the cheap seats who just sees the evening news on occasion, Israel is not the problem with that part of the world, with that region of the world. If everyone was like Israel, things would be pretty cool in that region of.
- [154:41]
Dennis Prager
The world, as I always say. Give me one other example in the history of the world where between police states and free states, the free state was the villain.
- [154:53]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [154:53]
Dennis Prager
Give me one other example. Doesn't exist.
- [154:56]
Adam Carolla
Right. I concur. Still not going there. Do we have the.
- [155:00]
Dennis Prager
Still not going.
- [155:01]
Adam Carolla
Do we have the. Here's my whole thing. Whenever. Whenever I see any kind of tourism ads where they're telling you, come on down, there's no problems here, it always makes me nervous.
- [155:11]
Dennis Prager
Now, there are no problems there. You feel very. I'll take you personally.
- [155:16]
Adam Carolla
I don't see a lot of commercials. See, it's like when I see those commercials like, hey, natural gas. Hey, man, we're here for you. Like, I'm always thinking, what are you talking me into?
- [155:26]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [155:28]
Adam Carolla
All right, so we have the. Oh, you got it.
- [155:30]
Dennis Prager
There you go. Great. Congressman.
- [155:32]
Adam Carolla
Congressman. I don't know how many square miles that that is. Do you happen to know.
- [155:38]
Dennis Prager
I don't have that figure with me, sir? I can certainly supply it to you if you'd like. Yeah.
- [155:44]
Adam Carolla
My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.
- [156:00]
Dennis Prager
We don't anticipate that. The. The Guam population, I think currently about 175,000.
- [156:06]
Adam Carolla
And again, with 8,000 Marines and their families, it's an addition of about 25,000.
- [156:11]
Dennis Prager
This. This admiral deserves every. Every medal of Honor this country can bestow on the military. He deserves for not humoring the guy.
- [156:22]
Allison Rosen
God.
- [156:23]
Adam Carolla
And I would say a Tony, an Oscar and an Emmy for acting, because that was something like. That was some pretty solid acting going on, sir.
- [156:33]
Dennis Prager
We don't anticipate the island capsizing.
- [156:36]
Adam Carolla
Right, Right.
- [156:37]
Brian Bishop
She's got a World Series of Poker bracelet for keeping a straight face.
- [156:41]
Adam Carolla
That is absolutely awesome. All right, Allison Rosen, do you have some news? And Dennis Prager can jump in. Should read some news from from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it cut. It's Allison. Allison.
- [157:05]
Allison Rosen
So Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, who's Ron Paul's son, got in a little kerfuffle this morning at Nashville Airport, and he claimed that he was detained by the tsa. The TSA has come out and said, no, he was not detained. But here's what happened. Happened. He went through the scanner and the alarm went off. Because that randomly happens now.
- [157:24]
Adam Carolla
Oh, it does.
- [157:25]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. That's what they admitted, that sometimes it's not that the scanner's picking up something. It's just set to randomly buzz sometimes. So anyway, they wanted to do a pat down. He refused. He wanted to be able to go back through the scanner again, but they will not allow you to do that. They refused him entry. So he turned around and got on a later flight. Flight. And here's what the TSA said. When an irregularity is found during the TSA screening process, it must be resolved prior to allowing a passenger to proceed to the secure area of the airport. Passengers who refused to complete the screening process cannot be granted access to the secure area in order to ensure the safety of others traveling. But the incident was in the news because Ron Paul tweeted and wrote about it on his Facebook page. This is what he tweeted. Tweeted, my son en ran Paul being detained by TSA for refusing full body pat down after anomaly in body scanner in Nashville. And then on his Facebook page, he said, I'll share more details as the situation unfolds. And then Rand Paul's staff also used the word detained in initial accounts. Here's a tweet from his communications director. Just got a call from Sen. Senator Rand Paul. He's currently being detained by TSA in Nashville.
- [158:36]
Adam Carolla
Why didn't he name his son Rand?
- [158:39]
Allison Rosen
Rand.
- [158:39]
Adam Carolla
Rand and Ron. It just feels confusing for the mom who's yelling for one of them to come in the house. You know, he's gonna get both of them or neither one of them. Just confusing.
- [158:51]
Allison Rosen
He had another son, named him Paul.
- [158:53]
Adam Carolla
Paul. Paul. Ran. Ran. Ron. Ron. I mean, and by the way, after a couple of drinks, you'd be confused. This is my husband, Ron. Damn. Oh. And then it gets confusing. You know, this rant. He performs great oral. I mean, rant. No, I mean, Ron confused.
- [159:14]
Allison Rosen
How many times that must have happened in that family?
- [159:16]
Adam Carolla
Millions of times in the Paul family. The tsa. I've been complaining about this pretty much nonstop. I basically said we are technologically smart and sort of policy stupid. We're just dumb. I mean, we can't figure this out.
- [159:34]
Allison Rosen
I think you'll appreciate this. Video clip.
- [159:36]
Adam Carolla
Oh, he's going to talk.
- [159:36]
Allison Rosen
Paul has been, has spoken about the TSA quite a bit. And here he is speaking to the TSA administrator, John Pistol.
- [159:46]
Adam Carolla
Well, concludes first off, the whole color thing. The whole thing. Forget about Negro for a second. The whole color chart with the, you know, orange is heightened and yellow is not heightened. And then magenta is alert first that we should have all just stopped right there and went, okay, now hold on. We have to get non retarded people figuring this stuff out because your random selection of colors from my Crayola set means nothing to anybody. There is no sequential order to colors.
- [160:19]
Dennis Prager
And in any event, what are you supposed to do? All right, so it's heightened. What do I do?
- [160:24]
JB Smoove
Right?
- [160:25]
Adam Carolla
Not only what do I do? Orange doesn't mean anything to anybody. That's what I, that's what I'm saying. I mean, you want A, B, C, D, right?
- [160:36]
Allison Rosen
Exorcist, Blair Witch Project, Goonies, right? And some stuff in the middle.
- [160:43]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, and if you're at meatballs, then that's fine, right? There should be a thing. So you can go extreme, right? You know, like those machines, you know those machines at the arcade you'd hang on to what kind of lover are you? And it'd be clammy, clammy, warm, hot fire, muy caliente, you know what I mean? Like one of those 300 switch into.
- [161:04]
Allison Rosen
Another language to express your sexuality.
- [161:06]
Adam Carolla
Just something other than yellow and orange and green and purple.
- [161:10]
Allison Rosen
Cold fish.
- [161:10]
Adam Carolla
It doesn't mean anything, right?
- [161:12]
Allison Rosen
All right, so anyway, here he is at a Senate Governmental Affairs Committee committee, man basting with adults too.
- [161:19]
Adam Carolla
99.9% of us are not terrorists. Let us go back to the machine rather than get a pat down.
- [161:24]
Brian Bishop
You'll get rid of a lot of.
- [161:25]
Adam Carolla
The anger and animosity towards the TSA and towards what you're doing and give us a little more dignity when we travel. Just let us go back through the.
- [161:33]
Brian Bishop
Screener again, you know, I mean, people.
- [161:36]
Adam Carolla
Don'T want to have a pat down. Yeah, I'll take that back, Senator. We're made to feel like criminals and we don't want to be made to feel like criminals. When we fly on a plane, obviously the only downside is it slows down the line and then people obviously want to keep moving along and so it's.
- [161:51]
Brian Bishop
A. I'm not sure it slows it.
- [161:52]
Adam Carolla
Down that much just to send them back through and if they give them a choice.
- [161:56]
Dennis Prager
Can I interrupt here?
- [161:57]
Adam Carolla
I think you did, Dennis.
- [161:58]
Dennis Prager
Yeah, well, no, but I want the permission.
- [162:01]
Adam Carolla
Okay.
- [162:01]
Allison Rosen
No one else asked for it.
- [162:03]
Dennis Prager
Okay. That's my first time on the show. Okay. I don't get. What's the big deal about being patted down.
- [162:11]
Adam Carolla
I. I don't get the part where.
- [162:13]
Dennis Prager
I. I don't mind.
- [162:14]
Adam Carolla
I don't get that part either. I rather enjoy it also. Yeah, if it's someone to try 10 seconds, the guy.
- [162:21]
Dennis Prager
The guy touches you. I mean, what. What do I care?
- [162:24]
Allison Rosen
They're complaining about people being groped, and Ron Paul has actually talked about the sexuality of it.
- [162:30]
Dennis Prager
Oh, please.
- [162:31]
Adam Carolla
Well, that's that.
- [162:32]
Allison Rosen
I'm just saying. That's what. That's what the calls are saying.
- [162:36]
Dennis Prager
Do you know anybody who's been groped by a TSA agent?
- [162:39]
Adam Carolla
No, I don't.
- [162:40]
Dennis Prager
Do you know anybody?
- [162:42]
Allison Rosen
No.
- [162:44]
Adam Carolla
That could be their own secret shame. You know what I mean? They don't. They don't wear it on their sleeve.
- [162:47]
Dennis Prager
No, no, it's possible.
- [162:48]
Adam Carolla
No, you're right. No, here's. Here's what's going.
- [162:51]
Dennis Prager
It's like Santa now. You can't sit on Santa's lap lest he grope you. Was there a pandemic of Santa groping in this country?
- [163:00]
Adam Carolla
No. For me, it was my 40th birthday. That's when I recorded Realize no More Sitting on Santa's Life. All right, all right.
- [163:06]
Dennis Prager
Well, I don't.
- [163:06]
Adam Carolla
Well, I.
- [163:07]
Allison Rosen
That's because you were groping Santa.
- [163:08]
Adam Carolla
Here's what these guys object to. These guys. These guys object to. Listen, I know how to get a big wheel out of somebody. Here's the thing. What these guys are objecting to is the dance of the retards that we go through as a society over nothing. You're sitting down, you're pulled aside, you're being patted down, and obviously you pose zero threat. I think it's the symbolism of having a guy. He says 99.9, but it's 99.9999-9999-9999. It just keeps going. It could be zero on any given day. There's not like there's a couple terrorists in the air on any given day. There's zero most days of the week and times. Every airport in the country, and you're being pulled aside and padded down, down. It's the dance of the tards. We have to do something about this as a Society. So I think that's what they're objecting to. They always get into the part where, I don't want to be violated. I don't want to be touched. But it's not that. It's the fact that we're even engaging in this.
- [164:10]
Dennis Prager
That's a separate issue. There's a lot of truth to that.
- [164:13]
Adam Carolla
All right. And they have those passes 10 years on. I was just talking about it last week, that their airlines are instituting these passes for people like us who fly frequently to sign over a thing, possibly even pay a certain amount of money and get your I do not pose a threat pass so that you can go through line without holding up the rest of the line. Imagine if you took all the people who were zero risk. I mean, it's sort of like senators.
- [164:44]
Brian Bishop
Would be the top of that list, by the way.
- [164:46]
Adam Carolla
In a way, it's sort of like it's what parole is to prison. We're gonna take these guys who may not pose a threat to society or may not and don't have a threat of flight or what it is, and say you get to go home and you're paroled. We're not gonna fill the prisons. We're not gonna fill the security lines with me and Dennis Prager and by the way, almost everyone who flies, because nobody poses a threat, because we. There's not many Al Qaeda sleeper cells anymore. And we'll all get on this thing and we'll be able to just blow through these lines. I don't know why we don't figure this out. We would if it involved them making money off of it. That much I can guarantee you. That much I'll guarantee you. Because everything on the roads is archaic, filled with potholes, and as bad as it was, except for the parking meters. Those keep getting updated about every two years. Those are now all digital. Those flash red when they're not, and they flash green.
- [165:45]
Brian Bishop
Take credit cards.
- [165:46]
Adam Carolla
Take credit cards out, right? Everything. Everything else is the same. All this stuff that involves you and your comfort and your safety, that's the same. What keeps moving along at flash Gordon esque speed is the way to remove you from your money. Potholes. No money for that. Parking meters. All the technology in the world for that. And the cameras in the intersections as well. Thank you.
- [166:12]
Allison Rosen
Tracy Morgan collapsed at Sundance and was rushed to the hospital. And evidently he was out of control, yelling and falling on the ground.
- [166:19]
Adam Carolla
That's not the Tracy Morgan I know.
- [166:21]
Allison Rosen
During the awards show dinner where he later called. But a spokesperson for the hospital Says no drugs or alcohol were found in his system. His rep says he collapsed from a combination of exhaustion and altitude.
- [166:32]
Adam Carolla
Hold on. Dennis Prager does an awesome Tracy Morgan. Yeah. You didn't know that? Did you not know he.
- [166:39]
Dennis Prager
I mean, it's so awesome that I normally charge for it. So I won't do it now.
- [166:44]
Adam Carolla
I'm just saying, if you close your eyes, you are sitting next to Tracy Morgan. Unbelievable. Spot on, mind numbing Tracy Morgan.
- [166:56]
Allison Rosen
I know.
- [166:57]
Dennis Prager
And if you look at us, it's.
- [166:58]
Adam Carolla
Well, not even more deceptive. I think Tracy doesn't strike me as a high altitude kind of guy. You know what I mean?
- [167:08]
Allison Rosen
Yes.
- [167:08]
Adam Carolla
He should stay closer to C level. See him as a C level dude. You know, he's a B level actor who should stay at a C level level.
- [167:18]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [167:19]
Adam Carolla
High altitudes. I think I was in an elevator with Jimmy Kimmel once when we'd been doing a little drinking up there at Aspen or something like that for some comedy festival or something. He started throwing up in the elevator when a couple high ranking executives from like, Comedy Central got on the elevator. Yeah, you can get loopy over there quick. Not me. I drank with impunity. But some folks, the altitude, we'll screw them up just a little bit if.
- [167:48]
Allison Rosen
They'Re also drinking, though. Because he evidently had no drugs or alcohol in his system, if you believe that.
- [167:54]
Adam Carolla
I don't know if I believe that.
- [167:55]
Brian Bishop
He had thrown them all out, but.
- [167:56]
Adam Carolla
I do know that lots of standing around, lots of calorie burning at the high altitude can make you want to tip over.
- [168:06]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, I don't know. I interviewed him a few years ago.
- [168:11]
Adam Carolla
He sure wasn't Dennis Prager.
- [168:12]
Allison Rosen
I don't know.
- [168:13]
Adam Carolla
That's right.
- [168:14]
Allison Rosen
I mean, what's the difference, really? Splitting hairs. And I think he was sober, but he was acting pretty out of control and crazy. So I think that's just kind of his thing. Yeah, he was falling down, though.
- [168:25]
Adam Carolla
He's nuts. But in a good way.
- [168:27]
Allison Rosen
Nuts or he acts nuts or that's also splitting hairs with him.
- [168:31]
Adam Carolla
I don't know. But I do know it serves you and our society to act nuts. Nuts because people don't hold you to a standard. Yes.
- [168:40]
Allison Rosen
I'm always trying to convince people that I'm competent.
- [168:43]
Adam Carolla
Why? Yeah, it'd be easier. Yeah, you get punished. There's two things I'm gonna tell my kid. I'm gonna tell my kid. Don't. Don't have any tangible skills, like if you can set up somebody's stereo system or surround sound or help them move you're gonna be busy every weekend and your payment will be a six pack of domestic beer. A, so don't be good at anything. And B, never own a pickup truck because you're constantly being asked to help move and do stuff and set up stuff. You're punished if you know how to do things. I'm telling you. Dennis.
- [169:19]
Allison Rosen
Dennis. Tracey, are these the skills?
- [169:20]
Dennis Prager
Well, that's not a danger. To go back to stereotypes, the Jewish husband is not known for his facility with tools.
- [169:28]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [169:29]
Dennis Prager
He hires somebody, generally. I do. I admit it. I fill that stereotype. If there's something broken, I call someone and pay them.
- [169:37]
Adam Carolla
It's much better being the person who announces, I don't do that. I got two left hands, I'm all thumbs. I don't. Or two left feet, I'm all thumbs. I can't handle anything. And I drive a Miata with a sack of flour in the passenger seat. So I have no room. I can't help it. And by the way, I think I got a bad disc. I got a bad back. I cannot help. You just announced you have a bad back. You own no tools and you drive a two seater and you're out. You essentially become a woman. I have a theory. I had a gay assistant. I have a theory that there are many gay men who just become women to get out of doing stuff.
- [170:16]
Dennis Prager
It's a theory. I mean, it is a theory.
- [170:18]
Adam Carolla
No, I wish it worked. I would work. I swear to God, I would look at this guy and I'd say, matt, go down to my car and go get that. And I'd go, nah, screw it, I'll do it. I realized it was like, you know how you, when you look at a woman, you would not tell a woman, no, go to my car. There's a 40 pound sack of kibble in there for my dog. Go to my car, get it out of the trunk and bring it upstairs to the upstairs. You would never say that to a woman.
- [170:45]
Dennis Prager
No, but my wife does do that.
- [170:47]
Adam Carolla
She will go get it.
- [170:48]
Dennis Prager
Get the 40 pound kibble sack.
- [170:50]
Adam Carolla
She's like, I gotta get out of the house for this. Son of a bitch corrects my grammar one more time.
- [170:55]
Dennis Prager
I never thought of it that way.
- [170:57]
Adam Carolla
That kibble, that's called sweet relief. You know why? Because the purina doesn't judge, Dennis.
- [171:05]
Dennis Prager
See? And I thought it was a beautiful thing.
- [171:08]
Adam Carolla
Now, now I just want some relief.
- [171:10]
Dennis Prager
Now I realize you see that.
- [171:13]
Adam Carolla
Dennis, do you have to go at 6?
- [171:15]
Dennis Prager
30 something at 6:45?
- [171:19]
Adam Carolla
Okay, we got a little time.
- [171:21]
Dennis Prager
Did you did you want me to go?
- [171:23]
Adam Carolla
No. I like you here. It's like having Tracy Morgan on your show.
- [171:29]
Allison Rosen
Singer Etta James died last week, California, from complications of leukemia. She was 72. She'd won six Grammys and was inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame.
- [171:38]
Adam Carolla
She got to that point in her career that I hope I can get to my point too. They do stand ups and blues singers both. Both get to do it. If you're. If you've been around long enough in your legendary enough, you can go out and do a 90 minute set sitting on a stool. You know what I mean?
- [171:54]
Allison Rosen
Or if you play lap steel guitar.
- [171:56]
Adam Carolla
Or if you play lap steel guitar or auto harp. Yes.
- [171:59]
Allison Rosen
Otherwise you have to stand.
- [172:00]
Adam Carolla
Yes. And I'm. And I'm. If you're Bill Cosby or you're Etta James, you could, well, you could have gone out and sit on a stool and tell your. There's not.
- [172:13]
Dennis Prager
You can't do that now.
- [172:14]
Adam Carolla
I'm not at the point where I can do a 90 minute standup routine sitting on a stool alone. I need to stand up. When you and I go out, we can sit down if we like, because we're doing a little more of a conversation than a stand up routine.
- [172:28]
Dennis Prager
We should tell everybody that we are doing a thing together. On the meaning of life.
- [172:31]
Adam Carolla
That's right. Dennis decided we should attack the topic of meaning of life.
- [172:35]
Allison Rosen
Wow. When you said yesterday you were gonna talk about meaning of life, I thought, how lofty. I didn't realize you really were going to.
- [172:41]
Dennis Prager
No, we're gonna be very lofty.
- [172:43]
Adam Carolla
Redondo Beach. That's right, the Redondo Beach Performing Arts Center. And it's an evening with Alex Frager and myself.
- [172:50]
Dennis Prager
Can an island capsize?
- [172:53]
Adam Carolla
That guy should be fired. Just on pure stupidity grounds. February 25th, by the way, Etta James. Honestly, I would not. Well, first off, I'm looking at a picture of Etta James and she looks a lot like a young George Foreman. Just in the actual face itself. If you see a young, young George Foreman, not good. Number two, she'd be the kind of person where if you said alive or dead, quick, I'd be like, yeah, she's a lazy now, you know, sad, Sad. She's for 72. I feel like she's been around for 90 years. Like Etta James. When I was in high school, I feel like Etta James was in her session 70s. How is she still in her 70s? Early 70s, you know what I mean? Like in 1985, Etta James was 70 right.
- [173:48]
Allison Rosen
It's kind of like that. Like a band broke up. Oh. They were still together.
- [173:52]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [173:52]
Allison Rosen
You know. All right, so a lot of people have been tweeting me links to stories about how all this boosting of self esteem is not helping students.
- [174:03]
Adam Carolla
No. And it doesn't help anyone. Everybody needs, you know, who has the highest self esteem. Who?
- [174:11]
Dennis Prager
No, I'm not kidding. This is a totally serious question. Try to guess.
- [174:15]
Adam Carolla
You mean what group?
- [174:16]
Dennis Prager
What group? Yep.
- [174:17]
Brian Bishop
Sound effects. Sidekicks.
- [174:19]
Adam Carolla
Close. I would say. Children of wealthy Democrats.
- [174:30]
Dennis Prager
That may be, but the one that I know of. Violent criminals.
- [174:35]
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
- [174:36]
Dennis Prager
Yep. This is. Roy Baumeister is a major nationally renowned psychologist. University of Florida. Before that he was in Ohio and at Case Western. And he has written very many wonderful and scholarly, but accessible to anybody. Books on good and evil. He has studied the criminal population in prisons his whole life. He's a criminal. These people have the highest self esteem, which. Which makes perfect sense. I am so terrific I can rape you. I am so terrific I can murder you. Get that? I am so terrific.
- [175:16]
Adam Carolla
Yes. Yes.
- [175:17]
Dennis Prager
No, you are beneath me. I am above you. So I can do whatever I want to.
- [175:23]
Adam Carolla
Position. But I agree, and I think we're getting a little out of control with that in society.
- [175:31]
Dennis Prager
What, self esteem?
- [175:33]
Adam Carolla
Yes. I mean, my version of that.
- [175:35]
Dennis Prager
No, it's terrible. Go on.
- [175:37]
Adam Carolla
Well, I love kids who now are adults who played sports and organized sports and especially football. Because in football, there's a guy who yells at you. That's the coach. And he yells at you to do it again. And he yells at you that you didn't do it right the last time. And if you even, even begin to talk back to him, there's no such thing. I cannot tell you. We've created a society where you say, here's how you do this. And someone goes, hey, man, that's how I do it. And you go, well, listen, that's not the correct way to do it. Hey, man, did you take your asshole pills today? And I'm going, no, I'm explaining to you how to do it. Hey, man, get off my back. I'm not trying to get on your back. I'm trying to explain to you how it's done. Guys who played football, this is my assistant now, Jason. You get yelled at, they just go, do it again. Do it again. And if you get in there and you say, hey, man, this is how I block the linebacker. Hey, man, that's not my fault. You just start doing laps.
- [176:34]
Allison Rosen
See, I don't, like, yell at you. Spirit has already Been broken because they don't have to do it.
- [176:38]
Adam Carolla
Everybody with their pushback. It's insane. It's insane. Everybody explaining you. This is how I do it. This is why I do it. Here's what happened instead of you're right, sorry, I'll get it right, we'll do it again. Don't worry about it.
- [176:52]
Dennis Prager
They. They measured the self esteem of American high school of high school students from seven different industrialized democracies. Their self esteem with regard to math. The American students were seventh of the seven in math knowledge but they were number one in self esteem about math knowledge.
- [177:16]
Adam Carolla
And. And I think a lot of people in this country would say mission accomplished. Your kid feels great about his non math skills.
- [177:24]
Dennis Prager
Yes, exactly.
- [177:26]
Adam Carolla
It's so important to feel good about yourself. When did that become such a great virtue to be in love with yourself?
- [177:33]
Dennis Prager
John Vasconcello started it here in California. He was a state senator who felt that he had poor self esteem. And when he went to therapy as an adult he realized how important self esteem was and that if we don't raise kids with self esteem they won't be good citizens. It's the opposite. People are better citizens without such high self esteem.
- [177:59]
Adam Carolla
Yes. Because it's a.
- [178:00]
Dennis Prager
They don't think that everything revolves around that. Exactly.
- [178:04]
Adam Carolla
Right, right. Yeah. Sorry.
- [178:05]
Allison Rosen
Well, I know that we are short on time and there's a lot of quotes from this article that I want to read. So I'll just read one choice and this was.
- [178:12]
Adam Carolla
All right, go ahead.
- [178:13]
Allison Rosen
Okay. We've become so obsessed with making kids feel good about themselves that we've lost sight of building the skills they need to actually be good at things.
- [178:21]
Adam Carolla
Yep.
- [178:22]
Dennis Prager
That's right.
- [178:23]
Adam Carolla
You're. You're supposed to earn the right to feel good about yourself.
- [178:27]
Dennis Prager
Exactly.
- [178:28]
Adam Carolla
And you're never supposed to feel so good about yourself that you want to rest.
- [178:32]
Dennis Prager
That's. You hit it on the nose.
- [178:33]
Adam Carolla
You should be. You should have a little fire in your belly.
- [178:37]
Dennis Prager
That's right.
- [178:37]
Adam Carolla
I. I mean really. You take a look at all the NFL quarterbacks. Sorry, I have to keep getting back to football. The skills that the difference between the Tom Brady's who lost me a bunch of money and I'm still pissed at. But the point is what is Tom. You know what Tom Brady's scouting report looked like coming out of college does not lack. He said he lacked the skill, lacked the physicality, lacked the mobility, lacked the strength, lacked everything to play quarterback at this level. Except for one thing. The guy had a goddamn fire in his belly. He Wanted to prove everyone wrong. His idol was who? Joe Montana? Another guy who lacked all of those things, except for the one part where he studied the hell out of the game film, where he would not accept failure because all these guys are now 6, 4, 6, 5, 6, 6. They're all 230, 240 pounds. They all have cannons for arms. They're all spectacular athletes. They were all the best athletes in their high school and possibly in their college. What is the difference? Tom Brady never sits back and goes, you know what? I got three super bowl rings. I'm the best. I'm cool. I'm fine. I don't have to study game film tonight. No. He's always got that little part of him going, you got picked in the fifth round or whatever round you got picked on. You know who got picked ahead of you? There were eight other quarterbacks picked ahead of you. The only reason you got to play is because Drew Bledsoe went down. They didn't even think you were good. No team was interested except for the Patriots in you. And he's got that little thing, you know, it burns in him all the time, where he just thinks, I'm going to prove him wrong, even though he's proved him wrong. It's been 10 years of proven wrong. Doesn't matter. Still, the fire in the belly. We don't have the fire in the belly. Everyone just feels good about themselves. They got their participation trophy, and now they're going home. And they've lost the super bowl, and they're not going to Disneyland. Powerful. All right, Dennis Prager, everybody. Dennis can be found with me on stage at Redondo Beach, February 25th. You can also.
- [180:39]
Dennis Prager
Oh, I just got to tell you one thing, and then you're right. Thank you for saying. I'm going to read to you something. Ready? Yes. You're going to really get a kick out of this. No, no. This is a big deal. I brought this along. This is from a guy. I won't say his last name. Vincent G. And then his last name starts with a P. New York City. Ready? Let's see. By the way, I just bought tickets to see you and Adam Carolla in February. I am flying from my home in New York City to LA just for the event.
- [181:10]
Adam Carolla
Wow. And I want to tell Vincent. Is it Vincent gp Vincent GP I'm telling you, first off, I would be insulted if you bought a hotel room. I insist that you stay with Dennis Prager. I insist. I insist. If you're listening, I insist that you. That you. That you Stay with this man. That is dedication. That is a fan. And I insist you open your arms and home to him. Dennis.
- [181:34]
Dennis Prager
But he's as big a fan of yours.
- [181:35]
Adam Carolla
I love that. But I think he's a little bigger.
- [181:37]
Dennis Prager
You may have more rooms. You may have more rooms.
- [181:40]
Adam Carolla
I think he's a bigger fan of Dennis Prager.
- [181:42]
Dennis Prager
I'm not sure that that's true.
- [181:43]
Adam Carolla
He told me, wanted to hear your.
- [181:44]
Allison Rosen
Sarah gift to you, Dennis.
- [181:46]
Dennis Prager
How do you know about that?
- [181:47]
Allison Rosen
I said, let Adam give this gift to you.
- [181:49]
Adam Carolla
Yes. Dennis Prager. You can Twitter him at Dennis Prager. Dennis Prager.com and Prager University. Wow. Flying all the way out from New York. All right, so everybody who lives in a city somewhere between New York and la. No excuse. No excuse. Dennis, thank you. You can let yourself out.
- [182:09]
Dennis Prager
I will.
- [182:10]
Adam Carolla
It's been great. It's been a winner and a pleasure.
- [182:12]
Dennis Prager
Always love being with you.
- [182:14]
Adam Carolla
Always love you as well, Dennis. Thank you very much.
- [182:17]
Dennis Prager
What's the big deal about being patted down?
- [182:20]
Adam Carolla
All right, we will. I will continue with the news. I'll tell you about stamps.com. rate change. I think they went up a penny.
- [182:28]
Allison Rosen
I can't do that.
- [182:31]
Adam Carolla
It's gotta cost more to produce a $0.01 stamp than $0.01, right? I think it went up a penny. All right, look, it's so confusing. They're constantly raising the rates. You gotta go down the post office and rub elbows with the little people. It is painful. Painful. Stamps.com. you can buy and print your own official US postage using your own computer@stamps.com It'll calculate the exact postage you need. That's the part I like because it's always that in between zone. I always throw an extra couple stamps on there because I'm scared it's gonna come back. By the way, they should just tell you, like my postman. He should deliver my thing and go yo us 3 cents. In which case I'd be very happy. Happy to tape a nickel to the next one instead of bringing it all the way back. Isn't that more work on their part? Yeah.
- [183:22]
Allison Rosen
Doesn't that cost about the amount of a stamp?
- [183:24]
Adam Carolla
Actually, it's never going to happen again. They got a special offer. They got a no risk trial. The offer includes a digital scale and 55 bucks free postage only if you enter Adam. So you got to use that in the referral box or the checkout box. Go to stamps.com. click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that is stamps.com. use the promo code Adam. Get the digital scale. It's gonna be fun, too, because you'd be like, wonder what that June bug weighs? Let's find out. Now you know we got a digital scale.
- [183:57]
Allison Rosen
And then I wonder what that dune buggy weighs.
- [184:00]
Adam Carolla
Put it on the scale. Mm. All right. Stamps.com and 55 bucks free postage. All right, what's going on?
- [184:10]
Allison Rosen
Okay, so I guess I. Well, I'm going to continue with this self esteem boosting story and just read another quote, please. A growing body of research over three decades shows that easy, unearned praise does not help students, but instead interferes with significant learning opportunities. As schools ratchet up academic standards for all students, new buzzwords are persistence, risk taking, and resilience, each implying more sweat and strain than fuzzy, warm feelings. We used to think we could paint children's self esteem on a platter.
- [184:40]
Adam Carolla
I was watching. I was watching an episode of the Family Guy when I was in my hotel room, I think in Boston. I think it was DC Anyway, and it was a perfect example where there was a little Stewie was at the doctor's office. And the doctor came in and Stewie was sitting. It was a joke, obviously, but it's true. Stewie's sitting on the table, and the doctor comes in and he says, oh, little Stewie, you're doing so well. You're growing so big. You're gonna be a big, strong boy. I bet you're gonna be a professional football player one day. And Stewie's sort of beaming with pride. And the doctor says, I' right back. And he shuts the door, and then you hear him walk down the hall and go into another room, and he's like, oh, and it's little Joey, you're doing so well. You're getting so strong. I bet you'll be a professional footballer. And you see the look come over those Deweys, and it's a funny joke, but that's what I'm talking about when you know, they're passing them out to everyone. It is the difference between the flyer that everyone's getting and the one of a kind. I mean, really, when you think about.
- [185:43]
Allison Rosen
Quit being sluts with your praise. Adults, right?
- [185:46]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, let's be. Let's go a little more Mormon with the praise. Why don't you cross the legs once in a while with the praise? Oh, it's really about praise.
- [185:57]
Brian Bishop
Chastity belts.
- [185:59]
Adam Carolla
It's baseball cards. If you go, hey, I got the only Honus Wagner card. And then you pull out one, and then you pull out one, and then everyone Pulls out one, and my cards, not worth shit anymore. It's about exclusivity. And I don't mean exclusivity in a snobby kind of way, but there's one guy who gets most valuable player or one. Prom queen or one. Whatever. That's the point. I mean, that's why we have shows like American Idol. You see the cattle call with the 10,000 people that show up in the Oakland Coliseum to try to get in. The four people that get moved along, that. That's why they're so excited. We need that in life. We have a game called the super bowl, and one team is going to win and 31 are not. And that's why that person is going to feel the way they feel about themselves.
- [186:50]
Allison Rosen
So let's say your kids draw a picture of. It's like, not that. I don't know, you know, whatever. What's your reaction? What do you normally say then? Because you don't want to crush their spirit either.
- [187:01]
Adam Carolla
I will drop my sweatpants and wipe my ass with it right then and there and still put up.
- [187:06]
Allison Rosen
But if you don't like it, though.
- [187:07]
Adam Carolla
Still goes on the fridge. Yeah, it's a compromise. It's this thing where it's like, you have to do the. You know, I'm proud of you. And it's. I don't know. I don't know where it ends, because it's all about taking an interest. I mean, my wife said to me with a straight face the other day, she actually. No, no, actually, not a straight face. An accusatory finger. She said to me, you don't even know the kid's schedule, do you? And I said, no, I don't know the kid's schedule. What do I give a fuck about their schedule for? Here's my schedule, baby. I go out and make money. I make the bacon, you make the bacos. You understand? That's how this works. I love my kids. I don't need to know their schedule.
- [187:53]
Allison Rosen
Does that mean she prepares salads? What does you make the bacos mean? Because I've heard that this is something you say. And I thought, what does that mean exactly?
- [188:00]
Adam Carolla
I bring home the bacon. She. It doesn't work anymore. I told her. I told her that when she had a job, she used to have a job. And I'd say, like, she's bringing home smaller patrons. Yeah, I'd say, I, you know, I bust my hump. I'm out working, whatever. And she'd go, hey, I work, too. And I'd say, yes, you work. Except you don't make. You don't make any money. I mean, you make a. You make the bake up. Well, I suggest I bring home the bakery.
- [188:26]
Allison Rosen
You adopt my interpretation of it then, which is bakos are imitation bacon bits. So she does the grocery shopping, you bring home the bacon, she brings home the bacos.
- [188:35]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but you buy bacon at the supermarket.
- [188:39]
Allison Rosen
Not at the supermarket. I go to where it's just bacon bits. Imitation ones.
- [188:44]
Adam Carolla
So we've accomplished our mission. My point is this, you know, it's important that I know the kids schedule during the week.
- [188:54]
Dennis Prager
Week.
- [188:55]
Adam Carolla
What do I give a fuck about their schedule for?
- [188:57]
Allison Rosen
Plus, don't they have cell phones if you need to reach them?
- [188:59]
Adam Carolla
They go to school, I go to work, I see them when they come home, we wrestle, we eat salad with bacos. That's what we do.
- [189:06]
Allison Rosen
That she brought home.
- [189:07]
Adam Carolla
Yes. So we're going insane. And there's all this stuff where it's like you need to be at the. What? You understand? They have all these school meetings that are Wednesday noon. It's like, oh no, it's the parent teacher and oh, it's the holiday. Oh, it's the bake sale. No, it's a. And so what time is it? Never Saturday at noon and it's Never Wednesday at 7pm it's Wednesday noon. Where people are employed, people have jobs, people work, they don't go to schools. Even though there's a lot of their p Whip dads there as well. It's out of control. It's just. I see those Wawa wubsy cartoons and go find that song. I mean, it can all be hell.
- [189:52]
Brian Bishop
Are you talking about?
- [189:53]
Adam Carolla
It's automatic. Tell you what, it can all be encapsulated in this, in this wah wah wubsy cartoon song where everyone's the best and even if you're different, you're still the best and everything's the best. It's called Wawa woovesy.
- [190:09]
Allison Rosen
You should be ashamed. You know this.
- [190:11]
Adam Carolla
It's so sad when you become, when you become a parent because you'll have these horrible conversations with other, other adults. Like when Dr. Drew many years ago would be like, hey man, this guy does the voice of Thomas the Tank Engine. I'm like, who's Thomas the Tank? You don't know who Thomas the Tank Engine is? I'm a fucking. At this point, you know, I'm a single 31 year old guy trying to get laid, living up in the Hollywood Hills and hanging out by the writers from the Man Show. No, I don't know. Thomas the Tank Engine is. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. I don't know what a show for four year olds is, but you get caught up into this world and it's like. You don't know any of the Wiggle songs. None, actually.
- [190:52]
Allison Rosen
I didn't. I know you're joking, but I didn't even know who the Wiggles were. And my friend couldn't believe that because it's like a. It's a. It's like not knowing who the Beatles are for adults.
- [191:02]
Adam Carolla
You're sucked into this horrible world. Wawa Wolvesy is some sort of animated something. I don't even know what the thing is. And he has a song about being the best. It's not his theme song. It's. It's. I've played it.
- [191:18]
Allison Rosen
One of his lesser works.
- [191:20]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, It's a B side.
- [191:22]
JB Smoove
It's a good cut.
- [191:23]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, you'll. I brought it in before. I've played it before. I've talked about it before. It's not the theme song to Wawa wuzy. It's the. You're the best Wawa WUVSY song. Oh, I couldn't do it justice. You just. It's all about. And every one of these songs is. And all these songs that all these pop chicks sing, too. It's all this, you're different, but that doesn't mean you're not the best. And just because people don't, you know. All right, we got. That's right. You're the best.
- [192:02]
Allison Rosen
Is this Marlo Thomas?
- [192:03]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You know, thing was funny when. When we talked to what's his name about that song. Esposito. We talked to Esposito about that song. It always bothered me. I said, that was for the Karate Kid movie. History repeats. Why is history. This is your first All Valley Karate tournament. Why is history repeating itself?
- [192:30]
Allison Rosen
Did he not learn it the first time?
- [192:32]
Adam Carolla
It's a weird thing to say about a guy who enters his first All Valley Karate tournament about history repeating itself. And it's such a big line. I mean, Brian pushed a button again. What does that mean? It says, first all the. I have to be the only. I'm the guy with the hyper vigilance who's in the theater going, what do you mean history repeats itself? This first.
- [192:53]
Allison Rosen
God, it's another drive for you.
- [192:55]
Adam Carolla
He said, oh, yeah. I said, why do you have history repeats itself? Right in the beginning of the song? He goes, oh, well, because I originally wrote that for Rocky 2, and then it didn't Work. Work. And they didn't buy it.
- [193:09]
Allison Rosen
But then.
- [193:12]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but so then I wrote it for Karate, I sold it to Karate Kid. It's like, all right, but how about you modify the part where you say history repeats itself? And he's like, really? You couldn't replace history repeats itself because there's a million lines. You could just slide in there, right? It would be fine. That wouldn't be fucking confusing to the people like me with the disability disorder, right? All right.
- [193:36]
Allison Rosen
Mystery would work.
- [193:37]
Adam Carolla
I think we might have Mr. Cool. The Wawa Wubsy. This is what my kids. My kids watch all day. Turn it up a little. You don't have to do. You don't have to. You don't have to wear the fancy pants. You don't have to do anything. You only have to give yourself a chance. And you'll see. You are the coolest. You don't have to talk a certain way.
- [193:59]
Allison Rosen
To say.
- [194:00]
Adam Carolla
Just be yourself every day. And everyone will know you're the coolest. Yeah, you know that right now. Cool is easy and fun. You don't have to be like everyone. Be yourself.
- [194:11]
Allison Rosen
You'll be number one.
- [194:12]
Adam Carolla
You'll be number one. Feel like the coolest. Say it loud. Say it proud. Be yourself and stand out from the crowd. Don't forget the golden moon. Be yourself and you'll be cool. That's not the case. Golden rule.
- [194:26]
Allison Rosen
I know.
- [194:27]
Adam Carolla
No need to be something that you're not.
- [194:29]
Allison Rosen
Or to get what you haven't got.
- [194:32]
Adam Carolla
Don't tie yourself up in a knot. Cuz you are the coolest. There'll never be another you. There'll never be another you.
- [194:40]
JB Smoove
This is true.
- [194:41]
Adam Carolla
You're so special in whatever you do. Whatever you do. You're special. You are you and I am me. There's no other way. We have to be. Just look in the mirror and we can see that we are the coolest. Say it loud. Say it's Tom Frade Brady sits around and thinks that he's the CO while.
- [195:03]
Allison Rosen
A bunch of blue condoms dance behind him.
- [195:05]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Bob Bole created that. Bob Bole is a worst message you could ever send. And you dicks think you're helping kids? You condescending pricks think this is good. Oh, you're doing a great turn for the kids. Just be yourself. You don't have to try. You're number one. You're number one. So everyone who's watching is number one. Everyone is the coolest. You don't have to learn to dance. You don't have to talk A certain way. You don't have to work at anything. You don't have to be anything you're not. You don't have to try. You don't have to get anything. You're number one. You're the coolest. You just be yourself.
- [195:43]
Allison Rosen
Well, I think they're saying you don't have to shop at Urban Outfitters and speak like a Valley Girl. That's what I took from it.
- [195:48]
Brian Bishop
I feel like the first two lines of that were like a good message and that spun out of control. Like the whole whole. Like, you don't have to dress wacky and follow the red latest faz and all that stuff. Like, all right, decent message. And the last 90% were ridiculous.
- [196:00]
Adam Carolla
You be yourself and you'll be number one. By the way, I thought you didn't have to be number one. I thought you shouldn't be number one.
- [196:07]
Allison Rosen
A technicality.
- [196:08]
Adam Carolla
You shouldn't be striving to be number one, should you?
- [196:11]
Allison Rosen
Well, that's the problem solved.
- [196:12]
Adam Carolla
Care about being. Aren't you not supposed to care about being number one, you assholes. So they sit around just going, don't do shit. You'll be the coolest. We're all the coolest.
- [196:25]
Allison Rosen
We're all number one destructive. A message as just be yourself and you'll be number one.
- [196:30]
Adam Carolla
Driving is drunk driving.
- [196:31]
Allison Rosen
Yes, but that. Okay, and number three is the message that everyone should be happy all the time.
- [196:38]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [196:39]
Allison Rosen
Because it's impossible to be happy all the time. It just makes you dissatisfied. And also it makes people not want to work hard because they just want instant gratification. Usually miserable all the time.
- [196:49]
Adam Carolla
And stop loving yourself so much. You're not that fucking good. You're really not. And beat yourself up a little bit. Be better in the shower and yes, and. But don't use prowl because it fucking burns. It burns. Also, if you're happy all the time, you're not anything any of the time. You have to have a little pathos in there every once in a while, a little sorrow.
- [197:14]
Allison Rosen
Well, I don't think everyone does. So that message just makes you feel like you're doing something wrong.
- [197:17]
Adam Carolla
Yes. All right, let's bring it home.
- [197:19]
Allison Rosen
That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.
- [197:24]
Adam Carolla
That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, speaking of the coolest rich man, poor man available now. You can go to our site and check out my eBook. 73 color filled pages. Me and rich Banks. I mean, forgot about Michael Naron. Michael Naron. Forgot my lackeys. We're gonna play that. It's only 5.99. And Narin did a great job illustrating this bad boy. So if you want to support the pirate ship, you can get yourself a rich man, poor man ebook still up in the top 20 on iTunes last time I checked. Also, speaking of the pirate ship, how about some Amazon people? How about it? Building the new studios back there looking good. You gonna get something from Amazon?
- [198:15]
JB Smoove
Good.
- [198:15]
Adam Carolla
Go to AdamKroll.com and click on the Amazon banner and show us a little love and we'll put it all into the new studio to bring you a bigger and better show. So until next time, this is Adam Krola for Ball Brian, Dennis Prager and Allison Rosen saying mahalo.
- [198:34]
Dennis Prager
I am so terrific I can rape you.
- [198:42]
Adam Carolla
All right, this is Adam Cole show 741 with Dennis Prager. That does it for this weekend's Coral Classics. Make sure to tune next weekend for an installment. Until then, get on.
- [199:12]
Allison Rosen
Why does every recipe I try need 18 ingredients, including a jar of something paste I'll never use again but will sit my fridge for nine months? I just want dinner in the oven fast. That's why I love Blue Apron's new one Pan, assemble and Bake meals.
- [199:26]
Adam Carolla
They send you fresh ingredients that are already chopped. All you do is put it all together and bake.
- [199:30]
Allison Rosen
That's it. No chopping, no weird leftovers.
- [199:33]
Adam Carolla
Just delicious, easy to make meals get.
- [199:36]
Allison Rosen
20% off your first two orders with code APRON20 terms and conditions apply.
- [199:40]
Adam Carolla
Visit blueapron.com terms for more.