Doug Benson + David Wild (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Doug Benson + David Wild (Carolla Classics)

Original Air Date: May 31, 2026
Guests: Doug Benson, David Wild
Classic Clips Featuring: Allison Rosen, Brian "Bald Brian" Bishop, Teresa Strasser
Episode Theme: A classic throwback featuring Doug Benson, pop culture writer David Wild, and highlights from two popular Adam Carolla Show episodes (2014, 2010). The panel dives deep into celebrity, music, pop culture, car culture, relationships, and trademark Carolla rants.

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Episode Overview

This special "Carolla Classics" episode revisits two fan-favorite segments from Adam Carolla Show history:

1. 2014: David Wild, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop - Discussion centers on Paul Newman’s racing career, the making of a Newman documentary, the burden of celebrity, masculinity, and analyzing solo careers of Beatles members.
2. 2010: Doug Benson, Teresa Strasser, Brian Bishop - Doug Benson joins the gang for stoner banter, thoughts on narcolepsy porn, and a raucous round of Totally Topical TiVo Trivia.

Throughout, expect Adam’s signature humor, candid opinions, music and pop-culture takes, and disdain for bureaucracy – especially meter maids.

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KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. The Paul Newman Documentary and Celebrity Culture

[03:12–17:23]

• David Wild raves about Adam's Paul Newman racing documentary:
  • “It’s not just about racing or Paul Newman. It’s about a man and what it means to challenge yourself... I thought it was really inspiring.” – David Wild [05:03]
• Panel reflects on Newman’s humility and aversion to Hollywood:
  • “You just want to show this movie to your son and go, ‘Okay, that’s how you should be.’” – Bald Brian [04:41]
  • Newman sought normalcy (“hung out with regular guys”), unlike many in showbiz.
• Newman’s “calorie burner” effect: being around celebrities is fun but exhausting, as you feel pressured to be your best self.
• Celebrity and masculinity: The doc explores stoicism and humility typical of the previous generation, sparking personal reflection for the crew.

2. Documentary Films: Appeal Beyond the Subject

[11:09–14:50]

• Adam’s rant on why subject doesn’t matter:
  • “Good is good. That does not matter what the doc’s about… that’s kind of the point.” – Bald Brian [10:59]
  • Docs as “a window into a world you don’t know enough about.” – David Wild [11:48]
• Great docs transcend interests; the value is in storytelling, not the niche.

3. Comparing Solo Beatles Careers

[24:17–41:43]

• Adam’s strong take: John Lennon solo “sucks”, George Harrison "much better."
  • “I just feel like John Lennon’s solo work is mainly shit. I think he’s an imposter...I don’t find myself hankering for John Lennon songs.” – Adam [24:30]
  • “The George Harrison stuff is so much… fuck.” – Adam [24:56]
• Heated debate with David Wild, who pushes back, championing Lennon's albums ("Plastic Ono Band," "Imagine"), but even he ranks Harrison's "All Things Must Pass" at the top.
  • “The best solo records...number one, George, ‘All Things Must Pass’…” – David Wild [40:57]
• Discussion of how death canonizes artists (Lennon vs. Harrison in public memory).

4. Music Rants: ’80s Songs, Sirius XM, and Pet Peeves

[20:24–24:17]

• Adam angry at Sirius XM for abrupt song transitions, especially from great Cure tracks to what he calls a “pile of shit” Duran Duran song.
  • “Sirius, you fuck sticks, play a not-medium shitty song in between the good song and this super pile of shit song.” – Adam [21:32]
• Playful, exasperated banter about musical taste and radio programming.

5. Advice Segment: Couples, Walking, and Communication

[45:04–49:11]

• Adam and crew wax philosophical on how couples improve their relationships: go for walks together—no distractions, just talk.
  • “If I was a couples counselor...I need you guys to go on a walk…no earbuds… just walk... I'll bet you that would go a hell of a lot further…” – Bald Brian [48:06]
• Walking seen as both physical exercise and a way to facilitate genuine conversations.

6. Adam’s Classic Rants: Meter Maids, City Bureaucracy, and Car Culture

[127:14–150:03]

• LENGTHY (yet classic) Adam Carolla tirade on meter maids in Santa Monica:
  • Outrage over a live local news remote getting tickets during the broadcast.
  • “Can’t we fire that cunt? Who’s her fucking supervisor? Why are we not firing her?” – Adam [131:53]
• Comparison to city department laziness—except for the hyper-vigilant “overachieving” meter maid.
• Philosophizing on why people do jobs that “ruin people’s days for a living,” ultimately concluding, “No one aspires to be a meter maid.” [149:02]
• Strong analogies (sometimes to Nuremberg); mocking the futility of city bureaucracy and enforcement for revenue.

7. Doug Benson & "Stoned Logic": Porn, Relationships, Trivia

[176:00–185:55]

• Doug describes attending "Sex and the City 2" high on THC Listerine strips for his birthday.
• The group riffs on porn genres (including narcolepsy/sleeping porn), the effect of ubiquitous online porn on marriage rates:
  • “[Porn] blunts your need to connect with actual women…” – Adam [181:37]
• Doug talks about being single, the realities of being a touring comic, and how modern conveniences change the incentives for relationships.
• Playing Totally Topical TiVo Trivia: fierce competition, lots of 1980s/90s film references, goofy camaraderie.

8. Pop Culture News Roulette

[89:11–109:16]

• Dinesh D'Souza sentencing: Is prison appropriate for white-collar offenses?
• SNL voiceover change: Daryl Hammond to replace Don Pardo.
• True Detective season two cast revealed.
• Debates about the value of punishment vs. restitution for non-violent crimes.

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MEMORABLE QUOTES & MOMENTS

On Paul Newman and Racing:

• “You want to show this movie to your son and go, ‘okay, that’s how you should be.’” – Bald Brian [04:41]
• “I found out he didn’t even own his cars… Jockeys don’t own the horse.” – David Wild [14:20]

On Solo Beatles:

• “His [Lennon’s] whole thing is… I may be the biggest star in the world. What good is that going to do me alone in a race car? I better figure this out and I better humble myself. And that’s all he did.” – Bald Brian [12:54]
• “The best way I can answer it is… here’s the four best solo records… Number one, George, ‘All Things Must Pass’…” – David Wild [40:57]

On Meter Maids:

• “She’s holding a mic and doing an interview, right?… Can’t we fire that cunt? Who’s her fucking supervisor? Why are we not firing her?” – Adam [131:53]
• “No one recruited them. They volunteered. … Nobody aspires to be a meter maid.” – Adam [149:02]

On Porn and Marriage:

• “If some chick moves in, I can’t be whacking away all night to this stuff.” – Adam [182:11]
• “I eat a couple of pot lozenges, I fire up a little narcolepsy porn, I smoke a joint, I do my thing…I got a pretty good thing going on here.” – Adam [181:43]

On Music Programming:

• “Sirius, you fuck sticks, play a not-medium shitty song in between the good song and this super pile of shit song.” – Adam [21:32]

On “Walking” Therapy for Couples:

• “Give this relationship two months and four days out of the week, you guys go on a decent walk together, no distractions, no earbuds, no phones, just a walk…and you talk about whatever it is you want to talk about. I’ll bet you that would go a hell of a lot further toward putting the couple back together…” – Bald Brian [48:06]

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NOTABLE TIMESTAMPS

• 03:12–17:23: In-depth discussion of Paul Newman, humility, and the making of the documentary.
• 10:59–14:50: Meta-discussion on documentaries and what makes them engaging.
• 20:24–24:17: Music programming rant on Sirius XM – why song transitions can destroy a mood.
• 24:17–41:43: Beatles solo careers debated—with song samples and lyrics critiqued.
• 45:04–49:11: Walking as therapy for couples; personal stories.
• 127:14–150:03: Epic Santa Monica meter maid rant and Carolla’s exhaustive critique of city government, public jobs, and meters.
• 176:00–185:55: Doug Benson’s stoner perspective, sleep porn, single life, and ‘80s/’90s movie trivia showdown.

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STRUCTURE

I. First Classic Segment (2014):

• Paul Newman, humility, celebrity, and the doc
• How documentaries transcend subject matter
• Beatles solo careers debate

II. Second Classic Segment (2010):

• Doug Benson and narcotic-enhanced birthday fun
• Effects of digital porn on marriage/relationships
• Totally Topical TiVo Trivia game
• Meter maid rant and city bureaucracy satire

III. Interludes:

• Music taste, radio programming gripes, walking as relationship therapy

IV. News & Wrap-up

• Headlines: D’Souza, SNL, True Detective S2, Fashion Police
• News as pop-culture riffing and recognizable Carolla banter

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USEFUL FOR NEW LISTENERS

This episode offers a representative slice of the Adam Carolla Show's signature style: a mix of smart, irreverent, often profane banter; deep dives into cars, pop culture, and music; aggressive, funny rants against bureaucratic stupidity; and candid perspectives on modern relationships. If you want to catch Adam at his funniest, rawest, and most relatable, this "Carolla Classics" episode delivers.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Brian]

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[Adam Carolla]

Now that's music to my ears. Subject to credit approval, limitations and spend requirements apply. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch Terms and more at Apple Co AirPods

[Bald Brian]

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[Dawson]

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[David Wild]

stays with fast responses and clear instructions

[Bald Brian]

so you don't have to worry about surprises. I asked our host a question about the house last night and he got back to me super quick. See, that's the Premier host move right there.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I had a Premier group chat.

[Bald Brian]

I asked them where we should have dinner last night and they left me on red.

[Allison Rosen]

I know you saw it.

[Bald Brian]

It says it. Classic group chat move. Don't walk into a surprise book a top rated verbo. Stay with a premier host if you know you verbo.

[David Wild]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like to clarify from all 17 years of

[Bald Brian]

the Adam Carolla Show.

[David Wild]

If you'd like to get access to the full archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcorla.substack.com sign up and listen ad free and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcorla.com Note we cannot play any Loveline content nor any content from the Kayla Sex Adam carolla show from 2006 to 2009. I currently do remaster both of those shows. For more information, please check out my patreon patreon.com Giovanni alright, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Crill Show 1417 featuring David Wilde, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Bald Brian]

At first I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[David Wild]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Bald Brian]

There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. True truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never. Good day Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam.

[Bald Brian]

Carolla and ball Brian at.

[Brian Bishop]

username Chase. Wanted that he. He has Crohn's disease, and he spends a lot of his time in the toilet, he says. And he wanted to hear that for his top truck because he misses it

[Bald Brian]

about Crohn's disease today. Good day, David Wilder.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you automatically hear that all the time at home?

[Brian Bishop]

Wanted to hear it once when he wasn't doing it.

[David Wild]

Happy Rosh Hashanah, Ace.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[David Wild]

I had some of that new Mangria the other night at Phil's, I think. Was that the new stuff?

[Bald Brian]

No, I brought the old stuff. Oh, that was good. The new stuff is so new.

[David Wild]

I like Mangria classic as well.

[Bald Brian]

Well, it's all good. It's just a little reverse osmosis with the brandy, and it's even smoother. But, yeah, it was.

[David Wild]

It's this. The Mangria was good, and the movie was great.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, good. David. We showed the Paul Newman documentary over at Phil Rosenthal's last Sunday, and people seemed to enjoy it.

[Brian Bishop]

Who did the Q and A? I mean, could you get Jules?

[David Wild]

Jules Dash, actually, I think your son did a lot of the Q and A. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. He'd been hanging with me the whole weekend, and he'd just seen me. I just got done racing the Paul Newman car, one of the ones that was in the movie. But it's a side to him that people didn't know about.

[David Wild]

What's amazing is, I don't. Adam, I don't know how much you've talked. You know, you've talked about the movie a fair amount. It's everyone, you know, you would think I want to see it if I'm into racing or if I'm into Paul Newman. You just. It's about, like. It's about a man, and it really is a great movie about this amazing man, and it's inspiring. And you don't have to be a racing fan to get that. I am not a racing fan or even a man, arguably. And I loved it. I thought it was really inspiring.

[Allison Rosen]

So chicks will like it.

[David Wild]

Even. Even the. The. The women folk might enjoy it.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I must say that my friend. My wife's friend Jody loves the movie, and it's the kind of movie. Thank you. It's the kind of movie where you'd want to show it to your son and. Or daughter, but for some reason, I say son because Paul had a cock and balls, you just want to show.

[David Wild]

Which, by the way, you were veal in the movie.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. No one knew that before you want to show this movie to your son and go, okay, that's how you should be. That's how you should be. Did you see, Whenever it was time for him to celebrate a victory, it was always, oh, the crew did so much. The car was great. It was never about him. Super low key about everything. Super hardworking. Just didn't want to talk about it, just wanted to work at it.

[David Wild]

Yeah. No, and what's amazing about it is there's this fundamental humility and perspective. A guy in the middle of being the biggest movie star in the world who had somehow found a world where he could have perspective and the movie allows. The thing I didn't expect, he tells his story, you know, because over the years there must have been enough stuff that you found where he basically, you get to know him. But it's a guy who I don't think went out of his way to be known. Like, I think he hid from celebrity as much as possible. Being that big.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, he lived in Connecticut. In the movie. He's just one of these guys who seem to want to hang with regular guys and not want to hang with Hollywood guys. I guess living in Connecticut is about as far away as you could get. And he seemed to. I'm guessing, I'm guessing Leno's a little bit the same way. There is a certain. You have to pay the fiddler if you want to hang around with those people, which is. It's a thrill to hang around with celebrities. It's fun to hang around with celebrities, but it's a calorie burner because you feel like now you must be as impressive as they are, whether you like it or not. In a weird way, it's like you don't realize how different you act when a really beautiful woman enters the room.

[Allison Rosen]

Guys, I wish I knew what you guys were really like.

[Brian Bishop]

It does happen, believe it or not.

[Bald Brian]

You don't know how we really are.

[Allison Rosen]

I never know.

[Bald Brian]

No, but you find yourself like every once in a while I'm shooting a TV show, you just get hairdresser du jour. Just whoever the hair and makeup person. Hair, makeup person. Hair and makeup person. You're just sitting there half asleep, drinking your coffee. They're smearing the schmutz on your face. You're just sort of sitting there with thousand yard stare. And every once in a while there's a hot one and you just, all of a sudden you're just kind of sitting there and you're like, so where do you live? You know, and you realize, oh, I've just asked 20 questions that I wouldn't normally ask.

[Brian Bishop]

Where's my dumbbell?

[Bald Brian]

I'm not trying to pick up on her. I'm not hitting on her. It's just I'm acting differently because this person is attractive. And you can hang out with celebrities all you want and go to Kimmel's house for one of Howard Stern's parties, and it's great, but is a little bit of a calorie burner. You do feel like I got a little one. If you're funny, you better be funny. You're talking to Ben Stiller. Be funny, you know, and you find yourself sort of getting up on your toes. And I think that Newman didn't want that. I think he just wanted guys. And by the way, if you'd like anonymity, go hang out with the Wrench Turners, because those guys don't know who that person is. Like, when you find serious gearheads and ask them who top five celebrities are, they might not know three of them. Like, Gearhead World doesn't know.

[Allison Rosen]

I notice people turning it up around you. Do you notice that being inside you?

[Bald Brian]

On rare occasion, but usually, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, if I ever bring anyone around and introduce them to you or just like, I've. I've witnessed it many, many times. I'm sure you have, too. David Wilde, right, Adam? Yeah. The way people want to be extra funny or extra this or extra that in front of Adam, it'd be funny

[Brian Bishop]

if David did that.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. He had to try it on the air. Well, I appreciate it. And it's a weird little calorie burner, which I think if you're wired a certain way, you want it. And if you're wired another way, it's uncomfortable. And for Paul Newman, it seemed to be uncomfortable.

[David Wild]

It's funny, after I saw the movie, it really stays with you. It's not. I mean, the thing is, it's funny. You hear a documentary about a racing thing.

[Bald Brian]

It.

[David Wild]

Because it goes. Cuts deeper than that. And I thought about it, because I'm doing this event the Harrison family, George Harrison's family, asked me to do October 2nd. I'm going to the Grammy Museum. And speaking about George, they're showing this movie Wonderwall. That is the first solo record, was his score for it. But I was thinking about George Harrison. And years ago, I helped Scorsese for a day on that documentary. And when I walked into the room with Scorsese and Olivia Harrison and Danny, the son, they said, what's your take on George? Martin Scorsese Said that to me and I was like humming, you know. But I had just on the way there, heard this interview with George where he revealed to me, I mean, in one quote he said something about like, I just saw celebrity was not the answer. I just saw being a rock star was not the answer. And I think that that's what Paul Newman I got from him. It's like he knew that Hollywood wasn't the thing for him. That wasn't the winning, that wasn't his going to be his greatest victory. And you almost got the sense it was secondary to the racing. I mean very clear it comes through that racing was the dominant thing for him because he needed. That's where he reached his highest high and challenged himself.

[Bald Brian]

And after you see it, it's funny because when you bring it up to people they go, yeah, he used to race the celebrity circuit or something. And when you, then you watch the movie and you go like, holy shit, was this guy into it?

[David Wild]

Yeah. No, and it makes him the hero. Like it's funny. There's great clips from like Butch Cassidy, the Sundance Kid. I don't know how you afforded those or how that worked.

[Bald Brian]

But documentary, you get a little fair use as long as you sort of use a few seconds and say it.

[David Wild]

But the weird thing is he becomes a great Paul Newman hero and it's really Paul Newman. I mean you love Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kids, those two guys. And you actually have Redford and Newman and you. They are heroic. I mean especially Redford doesn't claim heroicism, but it makes Paul Newman a great. One of his greatest characters turns out to be Paul Newman.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Thank you. It's a good one. We're really glad you enjoyed it.

[David Wild]

Really loved it.

[Bald Brian]

I know you've, you've seen a lot.

[David Wild]

I'd had a lot of Mangria at

[Bald Brian]

the time, but I had a couple

[David Wild]

belts and I was heading, heading to the red eye. So who knows?

[Bald Brian]

It helps. But yeah, I'm glad enjoyed it as a non and I wish and I'd say this about all documentaries and about all movies. Forget about the subject. Good is good. That does not matter what the document, you know, and I think it needs to be a two way street because there's plenty of shit I'm not interested in. Like I don't like video games, but someone says, hey, King of Kong, that's great and I willingly go see it. I really don't like video games, but someone says, hey, it's a great doc, I go see it. But then the other way around. You'll do one about sports or about cars or something, and someone will go, I'm not into cars. And we'll give that person a pass. And it's like, fuck you. Docs usually are about shit I'm not interested in. And that's sort of almost the point. There's not interested in. Right.

[David Wild]

It's a window into a world you don't know enough about.

[Bald Brian]

All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Try them all now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine. Copyright 2026 the Coca Cola Company. Sprite is a registered trademark of the Coca Cola Company. Something that went on in El Salvador in 1971. You don't know about it. That's why you're. You can't say, oh, I'm not a car guy. I'm not a whatever gearhead, or I'm not into whatever. That's the whole point of the doc.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

To experience something new.

[Brian Bishop]

There's been so many examples of great documentaries. Ken Khan is a great example of documentary that had no interest going in. Or me. I had a marginal interest, but like Young at Heart, the movie that was about the old singing people. I didn't care about old singing choirs or choruses or whatever. And it's fantastic. It's all about how the movie's made.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And the thing about the Newman thing is you just go as a human being. You just go. That's. It's one of those things I keep getting back to. But that's what I wish for my kids. It's too late for me, but I do go. I want them to approach life this way. Where his whole thing was, I may be the biggest star in the world. What good is that going to do me alone in a race car? I better figure this out and I better humble myself. And that's all he did.

[David Wild]

I thought it was about what it is to be a man. I mean, I think that's. And you know, and I don't mean to be sexist about that, but it is like it was that window into that generation and a certain stoicism and a lack of self indulgence and a willingness to challenge yourself of like the best spirit of the gen that generation. And I. It made me think of my dad. It made Me think of it was really great. I really. That's what it was about for me.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Well, there's a quote in there where Willie T. Ribbs, who is the black fella, he got. He got basically an indy drive for the guy who was the first black IndyCar driver. But he said, you know, we did this for a living. Paul didn't do this for a living. This isn't what he did. He was challenging himself as a man. He could have made money doing much safer things than this. He didn't even really make any money, probably driving the cars. It wasn't something he needed to do. And that was a kind of interesting quote.

[David Wild]

I found out he didn't even own his cars.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[David Wild]

You've owned more of his cars than he ever owned.

[Bald Brian]

Well, you know, it's kind of like I tell people there, it's very weird that people say, like, oh, he collected cars, right? I said, no, he was a professional driver. Oh, he drove in the celebrity circuit. I said, no, listen, jockeys don't own the horse. They ride the horse and someone else owns the horse and then the next year they get a new ride. And that's kind of what Newman would do, go from one car to the next car. But he never owned them.

[Brian Bishop]

Is this an elaborate plan, this whole thing, to drive up the prices of his cars on the secondary market? Because if so, needless to elaborate.

[Bald Brian]

Done and done. He also ate, right? Yeah, he barbecued and he had fruit at his barbecue and of course, his salad dressing. And if he was around today, he'd be eating nature box. That's right. Two words. Free snacks. That's right. Free snacks. Natural delicious snacks from naturebox.com I wish we could keep some in the building for more than like 12 minutes, but they just go flying out the door. No artificial ingredients, no trans fats, no high fructose corn syrup, low in sugar, gluten free peanut butter nom noms baked sweet potato fries, dark cocoa almonds. I think I've had the. I've had the blueberry almonds, which were unbelievable. Anyway, try nature box free. You get a free sampler box featuring five of the most popular snacks and you can start the free trial. Go to naturebox.com Adam naturebox.com Adam Stay full, stay strong. Naturebox.com Adam all right, well, I'm glad you enjoyed that. David Wilde.

[Brian Bishop]

When can the rest of the world see it?

[Bald Brian]

Soon. You guys can see it anytime you want. We're still doing some mixing and some whatevering and whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

But if I want to see the final product.

[Bald Brian]

Well, it'll like. It doesn't bother you in documentary form like it does in movie form.

[Brian Bishop]

If there's some little thing.

[Bald Brian]

When you see a movie and someone's like, the soundtracks not really done yet, but there's still a little mixing to do, and it's a rom com, it fucks you up. In the documentary form, you're switching back and forth from old footage, sourced footage, video footage, and stuff like that. So when you see the time ticker at the bottom, it almost makes it feel more like a documentary. It's kind of like when they do those VH1 behind the music things, and they put that grainy effect on what would be clean video just to give it that old feel. You know what I mean? So in a doc, it's weird. You don't. It doesn't bother you because you.

[Brian Bishop]

You're mixing and you almost expect it,

[Allison Rosen]

and you want it to be archival

[Bald Brian]

footage, like when it goes. We went to Road Atlanta for the 1976 runoffs with Paul Newman driving the Triumph. It's like you want it to look grainy and shitty and weird. And if it didn't, you'd make it look grainy and shitty and weird because it's from 1976, and it's road Atlanta. It's supposed to be a guy with a handheld camera. Now, it was, but that was it. Yeah, there's a lot of. There's a lot of archival stuff with him. It just. No one had ever assembled it.

[David Wild]

I know it added up to a real portrait of the guy and his brother. Did you do that interview with his brother?

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[David Wild]

I love his brother, and it made

[Bald Brian]

me think, oh, wait a minute. Arth Newman? No. His brother came here and watched the movie with us. I was doing Catch a Contractor, and Nate went to his brother's house in Palm Desert and sat down with him for, like, five hours.

[David Wild]

And it's great because it's sort of like when you have the brother who doesn't look quite like him, but you can see enough that there's, like, the same, you know, lineage and all that. It sort of like, is having a way of having Paul. Yes, he is.

[Bald Brian]

Voice and everything.

[David Wild]

See those eyes? And it's not. And yet Paul Newman was, like, this amazing specimen where my mother, I remember, would always talk about his eyes, but, like, you have this family member who's sort of standing in and, like. And I was thinking, man, if I kick the bucket early, is my brother going to say that great stuff about me and my Doc. And I think not.

[Allison Rosen]

You think you're going to have a doc?

[Bald Brian]

That's a good point. Yeah.

[David Wild]

I'm a Jew. Jews are. I'm going to be a doc. Dr. David Wilde.

[Bald Brian]

So I was driving into Whittier, California at about 7:20 this morning. Bragger. Getting ready for my glamorous day of catching contractors I had on the satellite station. I was listening to my first wave just to frustrate me. And one of the songs, I. I break songs off into pieces. One of the songs that I think has one of the best openings from the 80s, just the best 41 seconds like some songs. And a lot of songs get out of the gate a little bit slow and then start to kick it in. Even a lot of great songs start off as not much and then start to kick in and you love them. But this song by the Cure always loved the beginning of this song. Turn it up. You never hear me talk about the Cure. I just love the beginning of this song. The rest of the song is fine. Just the first minute is great. So I don't know why. I just love that strumming guitar. I love how everything just sort of kicks in behind it and it comes in. In layers and all that.

[David Wild]

I remember moving here in 91 from New York where you didn't hear the Cure on the radio and KROC was ahead of the curve on all this stuff. And when I got here, one of the first concerts I went to was the Rose Bowl. The Cure at the Rose Bowl. And I. I couldn't believe the Cure could play the Rose Bowl. And these songs, because of that kind of instrumental stuff, they just filled the.

[Bald Brian]

Filled a place that holds 100,000 people. So I was in a good mood at this point. And I think phone's blowing up. And I was just driving along the. I don't know, the 57, the 605, the 91, wherever the hell I was going toward the sun. And I was like, in a good mood. I was like, I love the beginning of this song. And then this song ended and then this song began. And I thought, Jesus Christ. We went from one of the best 80s opening to one of the worst 80s openings of a song. I mean, this whole song sucks, don't get me wrong. But just the beginning, it's like I almost drove off the road. He does the. But just the beginning is so tinny and so hollow and so barren and so devoid of any kind of art, artistic, anything. And I just thought, where's my buffer song?

[Brian Bishop]

We've talked about, you Got the bends.

[Bald Brian]

I got the fucking Benz. Like, hey, XM serious, you fuck sticks. Play a not, you know, medium shitty song in between the good song and this super pile of shit song. And the thing that really hit me was the beginning, because. Let me just hear the contrast of the, of the beginning one more time.

[David Wild]

Why am I confident that the person in charge doesn't know the difference?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God. You know, I said this person needs to be punished. I said they need to be killed. And I remember I said it on Stern for playing the shit on. You have an 80s station. Play your shitty 80s songs on your 80's station and on your first wave station, play good songs. But I think on Stern they said, why does a person need to kill themselves? Why they need to be punished? And I said, why did Hitler need to be punished? Couldn't he just go on his way? No, he's done so much fucking damage that he needs to be punished now. You're right, this is much worse than whatever Hitler did. Oh, well, let me hear the beginning of my Cure song again. Just to feel good.

[David Wild]

Cleanse.

[Bald Brian]

Now turn it up.

[Allison Rosen]

This is very pretty In Pink soundtrack.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't think it's on it.

[Bald Brian]

It's not, but who cares? It's got that vibe now. How do you go from that to I'm to play this one next? Don't do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, did it.

[Bald Brian]

You see, I was in a good mood at this point. I thought, you know what? Maybe these at Sirius XM do know what the they're doing. And then I, I couldn't. God forbid I get more than two and a half minutes into that thought before it comes right back.

[David Wild]

You know that the gloomy guy from the Cure cheers us up.

[Bald Brian]

I know.

[David Wild]

Pretty boys from Duran Duran bum you the fuck out.

[Bald Brian]

Who likes this song? Who tunes into First Wave?

[David Wild]

Union members. Union of the Snake members.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you like any Duran Duran? I think they're kind of hit and miss.

[Bald Brian]

I I there. There are five Duran Duran songs I like.

[David Wild]

I just worked with him last week on that fashion rock show and talked to Simon Le Bon and they were good songs, the great guys, and they played some of their good songs. They did not do Union of the Snake at this point. Why is anyone playing one of their, one of their shitty songs?

[Bald Brian]

I don't know, but it's such a contrast when you're coming off of something that's melodic and full of sound and. All right, let's stop. I'm going to have. You're going to Go into remission. I mean, you're going to go be nice. Yeah. Relapse. Sorry. All right. So anyway, then I was in a bad mood again. That's the way it works. I have some phone calls. David Wilde is going to do something at the Grammy Museum event October 2nd.

[David Wild]

That's at the Grammy Museum. George Harrison is part of their Reel to Reel series. They're showing Wonderwall, and then we're going to talk about George Beatle. George who I know is one of your favorites. Maybe, you know, you can come back and party with the George team.

[Bald Brian]

I love George Harrison's solo work. I just feel like John Lennon's solo work is mainly shit. I think he's an imposter. I think he's just a bullshitter. I think he sings about love and whatever, and he bangs around on his wife and ignores his kid. And I think the lyrics to his song suck. And I think mainly his songs suck everybody. It's sacrilegious to say that, but his solo stuff kind of sucks.

[David Wild]

Was that from your eulogy for John Lennon?

[Bald Brian]

He's just not that good on his own. His stuff is like Dear Yoko shit and all that. It's bad. It's weak. I mean, the George Harrison stuff is so much. Fuck.

[Dawson]

No.

[David Wild]

Listen, you don't have to argue with George. It's this new box by George.

[Bald Brian]

Are people scared to say how bad John Lennon was on his own? Or is it just because he was singing about peace and love? We all got lost in the message.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Danny died young.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, look, let's separate what happened to the guy from his art, his solo art. Him and McCartney were great together. Him alone, not very good. I don't find myself hankering for John Lennon songs.

[David Wild]

Would you allow me to make you a mixtape of what I think are the high points?

[Bald Brian]

Okay. And lyrically, kind of. And I also think. I think the guy was. I think he was kind of a poser. I don't know how much. I think he just wanted to sing about peace and love so he could get laid. I don't know what he was doing about it.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, he had actually very hawkish.

[Bald Brian]

He had a son that he didn't really raise. Right.

[David Wild]

Well, you know, he was the first to say he screwed up on his first kid and wasn't there.

[Bald Brian]

Well, that's a very. That's not you stepping in shit. That's you taking a shit for 18 years. I mean, hey, I wasn't there for my son. Okay, next. I mean, that's not a good Way to be as a human being, you have sons, you couldn't imagine that, right?

[David Wild]

By dying, he became St. John. And no one says this stuff. That's true. As a dad, I became much more when I had kids. I was always a John Lennon, my favorite Beatle kind of guy. And as a dad, I sort of moved in more to, like, I like McCartney. I like the way he rolled in his life and the way he was there for his family.

[Bald Brian]

I don't think he was a great husband. I don't think he was a great dad. But we'll just separate the art from whatever the guy did, because I'm sure there's Roman Polanski films and Woody Allen films you enjoy. I think his music wasn't very good solo. Now, when it comes to. And look, maybe his artistry is collaboration. Like, maybe that's. Maybe. And that's. That's a kind of a genius.

[David Wild]

Oh, see, I love Plastic Ono Band.

[Bald Brian]

I love.

[David Wild]

I love Been part of Imagine album. I love Walls and Bridges. All right, there's good.

[Bald Brian]

There's probably two and a half songs of his that I like, but most of them.

[Brian Bishop]

Why are there so many crappy singles from that era? From his solo era? I know he was only doing a lot of drugs, doing heroin and stuff, right? Was he just off the rails artistically?

[David Wild]

I don't.

[Bald Brian]

Watch your mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, buddy.

[Bald Brian]

Watch your mouth.

[David Wild]

What song would you call crappy?

[Bald Brian]

Most of them were just sort of ditties. Like, oh, dear Yoko. You know, like, I'm like, Peace and Love and Love and Yoko. And I love Yoko.

[David Wild]

I'm pro Peace and Love.

[Bald Brian]

I know, but it's a chicken shit move just to go, hey, end war now. I'm gonna go fuck a stranger. You gotta come up with a plan to end war. We all would like war to end. Tell that to isis, you know what I'm saying? Or isil. And by the way, can I say this? Isis. Isil. Let's find out how it's pronounced and then mispronounce it like our parents do with Seinfeld, to piss them off. Why should we go? How would you like it? You know what drives me nuts? It's like, it's not isis, it's ISO. Oh, good. I'm sure they'll bury the hatchet now that we're not butchering the pronunciation of their name. Like we should mispronounce. Mispronounce it just for fun. Just to fuck with them. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[David Wild]

That'll show them.

[Bald Brian]

Well, is it ISIS or is it isil?

[Brian Bishop]

I have no idea.

[Bald Brian]

I've heard it.

[David Wild]

It's not the pronunciation right. There's two different abbreviations and they keep on chaming. There's isis, there's isil, and then there's Islamic State.

[Bald Brian]

But half of the half is isil. Half is isis. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

If only there was a news girl in the room. I don't know the answer to that, honestly.

[Allison Rosen]

Apparently the media keeps referring to it as isis, even though ISIL is what is correct. But ISIS has stuck and that is what we are sticking with.

[Bald Brian]

But the president calls it isil.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

[David Wild]

I think he switched in his address last night and said isis. I think actually people keep on trying to make it isil, but ISIS takes no Bob Dylan song named isil.

[Allison Rosen]

Correct. My understanding is ISIL is more correct, but it's not catching on.

[Bald Brian]

It is.

[Brian Bishop]

Quit trying to make ISIL happen.

[Bald Brian]

That's why we should go with isis.

[David Wild]

Give it a Yiddish nickname to really piss him off. Like Izzy. Call him Izzy.

[Bald Brian]

No, the president is going with isil. The president should go with isis. We should. We're trying to.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, according to David Wild, he just recently ISIS'd.

[David Wild]

I watched him.

[Bald Brian]

Was it last night?

[David Wild]

I thought it was. I thought he said ISIS this morning.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. Now Gary's gotta find it. Either way, somebody go to the, you know, grand wizard over there, figure out which way they want to pronounce, and then let's. Let's mispronounce it just to piss them off. Either way, there's a bunch of, I don't know, John Lennon songs, whatever the hits were.

[Brian Bishop]

Number nine, Dream wasn't very good.

[Bald Brian]

I love that.

[David Wild]

Really, Absolutely love that.

[Bald Brian]

Aren't they kind of simple ditties that are just kind of.

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, the Christmas song haunts us every year.

[Bald Brian]

All right, let me find, find me, find me some of those no.

[Brian Bishop]

1 back of myself, I was like,

[Bald Brian]

find me some of the songs.

[David Wild]

I gotta disagree.

[Bald Brian]

You can disagree. But somehow George Harrison was much better of a solo artist.

[David Wild]

Oh, that's the weird thing is All Things Must Pass is this record where, you know, he'd been given one song, a record. Two, Abby, you know, at the end of and Here Comes the Sun and something, you know, he's flowering at the end. And then All Things Must Pass, he just gets to unload masterpiece after masterpiece.

[Bald Brian]

It's right.

[David Wild]

Such a great record.

[Bald Brian]

All right, so which one is this?

[Brian Bishop]

This is Love. Love is real. Love is something. Love is something.

[David Wild]

Yeah, but what version is this?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, is this All My Alpha? I just grabbed the first one I could find him.

[Bald Brian]

So play the Dear Yoko song. Or wait a look. Let's just agree those many of those singles shouldn't have been hits. We agree with that.

[David Wild]

The funny thing is, is that when the Beatles broke up early on, Ringo and George broke out of the pack as solo artists. Ringo had the Ringo album, which was like a breakout hit. And George had All Things Must Pass. Paul and John struggled a little bit to sort of find their footing. But I like them all. And I like them all better than even Duran Duran.

[Bald Brian]

Here's. Here's. Here's Obama either saying ISIS or isil.

[David Wild]

Last night, on my orders, America's armed forces began strikes against ISIL targets in Syria.

[Bald Brian]

So he is saying, people give thanks

[David Wild]

for the extraordinary service of our men and women in uniform, including the pilots.

[Bald Brian]

So we don't have to call it ISIS or isil. I just want to call it the opposite of what they want. It called just attempt to piss them off.

[Allison Rosen]

So let's find out what they want.

[Bald Brian]

Let's find out what they want is go. That's right. That's all I'm asking. All right, Brian, what are they? Give Me, Give Me. I don't know. Can you just punch up John Lennon's

[David Wild]

singles like you're probably thinking of Power to the People. You don't like the sort of anthem ones like that, or Give Peace A Chance.

[Bald Brian]

All the hits sucked. Really. Give Pete's a chance to. I don't care about the message. The message is chicken shit. He didn't do anything. He's just singing about it so he can be a fucking hero. It didn't do anything. Did it stop any wars? Did it do anything? Okay, well, okay. Everyone change whose mind? Whose mind does it change?

[Brian Bishop]

On the Jonah It Hits CD that we all had, it was. Give Peace A Chance was the first track.

[Bald Brian]

That song stinks.

[Brian Bishop]

Instant karma, which I dig. I like Instant Karma.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

We all shine on.

[Bald Brian]

No. Bad.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's the song.

[Bald Brian]

That's Instant karma. It won't end.

[Brian Bishop]

Power of the People.

[Bald Brian]

I gotta hear that one.

[Brian Bishop]

Whatever gets you through the night.

[Bald Brian]

Pretty good. But that was Elton John. Elton John and a saxophone has helped that one out a lot.

[Brian Bishop]

Number nine, Dream.

[Bald Brian]

That's the one that goes.

[David Wild]

That's that trick. Ababakawa. Posay Pose.

[Bald Brian]

I'm tired.

[Brian Bishop]

Mind games playing those mind games.

[Bald Brian]

Bad. Bad song.

[Brian Bishop]

Love.

[David Wild]

Pretty haunting.

[Bald Brian]

How'd love go?

[David Wild]

Love is real, you know. Real.

[Bald Brian]

Real is love.

[Brian Bishop]

It's. It's the. You wouldn't like it from a lyrical perspective.

[Bald Brian]

Well, he was. He. I Don't think he was very smart or something. Like, this stuff was boring.

[Dawson]

What about just, like, Starting over, that song?

[Bald Brian]

That's a good song.

[Dawson]

That's Diddy.

[Bald Brian]

Those songs are ditties. They're not that. They're not interesting songs. I mean, George Harrison. Much better.

[David Wild]

Can you play? Give me some.

[Bald Brian]

Play Just Starting Over. Let's play Just. By the way, Just Starting over was just sort of a melody from the 30s.

[Dawson]

Totally. It was. It felt like a 50s, very 50s rock.

[Bald Brian]

It was a doo woppy song.

[David Wild]

It sounds to me like Elo doing Elvis. Yeah, he's actually influenced by Jeff Lynn on that.

[Bald Brian]

It was. It's a nice song, but there's nothing you don't think. You don't think. Genius. You just think it's a nice Diddy. This is one of his least annoying songs.

[Allison Rosen]

Feels like a lullaby.

[Brian Bishop]

It gets.

[Bald Brian]

That's kind of doppy and kind of. It'll kick into, like, a Frankie Valley song. But when I see you. All right, this is John Lennon. It's like, I don't. I don't ever want to hear another John Lennon solo song ever. Like, I don't ever go like, oh, I'm missing. I would never say that about George Harrison.

[David Wild]

See, same. The same album. I love Woman. Do you know. Do you know the song Woman?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I think that's a beautiful. Woman's a good song.

[David Wild]

That's like a beautiful, beautiful love song.

[Bald Brian]

All right, I agree. I agree with that. I think Woman's a good song. I'm just saying.

[David Wild]

Plus, you like cars, so don't you like watching the wheels go round and round?

[Bald Brian]

That's just another jealous guy. You're just making me feel. You're cementing my attitude about him.

[David Wild]

This is Woman. This is beautiful.

[Bald Brian]

I do like this song. Express my mixed emotions. All right. I like this song.

[Brian Bishop]

We can finally agree.

[Bald Brian]

Score one for. For John Lennon. Yeah, it's mostly just kind of ditty, kind of weak in the lyric department. Just. I don't know. It's not George Harrison.

[Allison Rosen]

He couldn't come up with her name, though. Woman.

[Bald Brian]

Who's that?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Yoko.

[Brian Bishop]

Same number of syllables.

[Bald Brian]

That's right.

[David Wild]

He used Yoko in the title a fair amount.

[Bald Brian]

All right, all right, all right. Who likes John? Is anyone big John Lennon solo fan? David Wilde has to say, I am. But no, you're not. I am not. Really. You know why you're not? Because you do. You know a lot about music, and his solo stuff is not that good. But George Harrison is good.

[David Wild]

Well, no, George Harrison came out of the box. All Things Must Pass is amazing. He struggled and had ups and a lot of downs and disappeared from recording for years. Then had a great record with Cloud 9, the Wilburys. He sort of. And then his record that he got finished after he. They finished after he died is actually wonderful. And people don't brainwash. That's a great record. John came out with Plastic Ono, which is great, and then he struggled. He did a political record that was not good, but I think some of this stuff is just great.

[Brian Bishop]

But now that the dust has settled on their more or less on their solo careers, John Lennon's a clear third place there, right?

[Bald Brian]

No, not. Not in the minds. Pull up some George Harrison songs solo wise, in the minds of most all Americans. Okay, let me. Hold on. This is what I want to say. I get into this a lot. It's like, you know, it's like my Bruce Springsteen stance. I'd never say he's bad. I'd never say Happy Birthday. He's not a great performer. I'd never say anything about that other than he's over overrated as a songwriter. He's a great live performer. He's an amazing. Has great hooks and stuff like that. I'm just. I'm picking on these guys because their catalogs are worth billions of dollars. They're household names. They're looked upon as royalty and geniuses. I'm not. I'm never going to say, oh, Bruce Springsteen stinks. Get him out of my face. No, Bruce Springsteen is marginally overrated. Not live just as a songwriter. So is Bob Dylan. That's all I'm saying. And when it comes to John in society, solo wise, they probably might have John Lennon at the top of the heap. They might have McCartney second and they'd have George Harrison third. I think now it's weird because McCartney's outlived him for so long, but I think it'd be an interesting poll.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I was sort of asking here in the room.

[Bald Brian]

What I mean, George Harrison is a distant one third to Lennon in terms of. If you stopped Americans on the street,

[David Wild]

I would think so. I think that John. By dying, John becomes sainted and iconic. In James Dean you come frozen in time and he was an imperfect solo career. And you're completely right about that.

[Bald Brian]

Thank you.

[David Wild]

But the highs were high and he's no John.

[Bald Brian]

The highs weren't that high. Not a solo career, I guess he doesn't have any great solo songs. He has an annoying album and preachy and then not so annoying. He doesn't have any great solo songs. He has some solo songs.

[David Wild]

Those could be two good compilations.

[Bald Brian]

Load of bad ones.

[Brian Bishop]

But David Wild, music expert rank the rank, the Beatles solo careers.

[Bald Brian]

Holy shit.

[David Wild]

That's.

[Brian Bishop]

I got it. We gotta. Come on. This is why we're here. This is why you're here.

[Bald Brian]

All right. I'm gonna talk about Legal Zoom. I'm gonna let you think about it off the hook. No, he's gonna do it. Tell me some George Harrison songs. Off of what? All Things Must Pass.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, but I gotta hear Legal Zoom.

[Bald Brian]

All right. I want to hear some Give Me Love after I do this. Ah.

[David Wild]

That's from Living a Material World.

[Bald Brian]

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[Dawson]

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[Bald Brian]

All right, what songs do we have there? Go down the list. Let me hear All Things Must Pass. Let's see.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, this is.

[David Wild]

These are all my favorite. Is Isn't it a Pity? That's one of my favorite songs of all time.

[Bald Brian]

On that I just want to hear. I want to hear what they are. You're looking up. Where are you on George Harrison?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

What is Life? Let's see that song. I'm thinking of what is Life?

[David Wild]

That's on also on Living Material World.

[Bald Brian]

Ah, what is Life? There we go. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll have David answer his question because.

[Bald Brian]

All right, answer your question. We'll try to find our Internet.

[David Wild]

My favorite. The best way I can answer it is saying, here's the four best solo records in my opinion and in order of how great I love them. Would be number one, George. All things must pass. Number two, band on the run, Paul McCartney. Number three, John Lennon. I guess I'm gonna go with Plastic Ono. And number four would be Ringo. With Ringo the first.

[Bald Brian]

So you ranked just the best album, solo albums? Yes, with the Beatles. And then Pete Best. Where would he.

[David Wild]

Stu. So Cliff comes in next. Billy Preston.

[Bald Brian]

Aha. Digging deep. All right.

[David Wild]

You find that my favorite, of course, is Brian Epstein.

[Bald Brian]

And yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Which song was that song of the album?

[Bald Brian]

What is. What is Life? What is life? Yeah. All right. You find that I may hop to the phones. Oh, now you gotta turn it up. What I feel I can't say but my love is love for you anytime it's all love that you need and I've tried my best to make everything succeed Tell me what is my life? All right. That's why I love me some George Harrison.

[David Wild]

Perfect song.

[Bald Brian]

I totally concur with me. All right, let's see. A couple of phone calls and so, Grammy museum event. Sorry, what the hell's going on?

[David Wild]

October 2nd, George Harrison, Wonderwall, Reel to Reel series. I'll be there. Other people will be there talking about George.

[Bald Brian]

Is it going to be televised?

[David Wild]

No, just a Grammy museum event. I don't know if you've. Have you been to the Grammy Museum?

[Bald Brian]

Is it shaped like a microphone?

[David Wild]

It's down by a Staples Center. And I will get you guys all invited. You guys got to come to do an event there. It's a great place.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I don't think I've been to the Grammy Museum.

[David Wild]

It's great for the kids. There's all sorts of sort of interactive exhibits. We will arrange a field trip. That'd be great. They would love that.

[Bald Brian]

I'm tired of those kids living the shit out of their life while I'm working. By the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck.

[Bald Brian]

Great for the kids. They're in my swimming pool right now. I. Swelter and Whittier.

[David Wild]

What you could do is plan a trip there and then take a corporate gig like you did the other day.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[David Wild]

Which was a moving store.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, little sonny bunny. What a boy. All right. Yeah, we had nice. It's funny, we had a nice talk yesterday about walking and just walking and thinking and I think I was talking to. Talking to Dr. We were talking about on the air. Was I talking to Dr. Bruce about it? I can't remember if it was Dr. Bruce or we were talking about it on the air. I think it was Dr. Bruce. But anyway, we were just talking about this sort of cathartic Nature of. Just forget the exercise part. But just walking. Just walking. And people say, you know, sit down and, you know, go out to lunch with your kids or go take the wife out to dinner. And it's like, that's great. Except for there's a lot going on when you go out to dinner that you don't really think about. You look over shoulder and the Lakers game is on at the bar, and you're kind of peeking over a shoulder at it. And every five minutes, someone's refilling something or asking if you'd like another one of these or are you ready to order? They're just.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a lot of distractions.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. People coming in. You're sort of noticing them sitting down, so on and so forth. You walk and you can really especially just, like, through a quiet neighborhood. And you just walk at night and you just kind of. I had this whole conversation with Dr. Bruce about it, and then I got home last night and. Natalia, you can just say Dr. Bruce, by the way. All right, all right. What were you saying, Gary?

[David Wild]

I just want you to promo the show.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, okay. It's gonna be on A and D this Thursday. All right. But you don't have to say that walk was with doctor. You can just go, Bruce, A and D this Thursday was filling in for Dr. Drew. Thanks. We just got home last night. My daughter said, let's go for a walk, which she never says. And I said, oh, you wanna walk Molly? And she said, no, Molly already went for a walk. Let's just meet you and Sonny, go for a walk.

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds like a Fredo Corleone situation. You're not coming back on that walk.

[Doug Benson]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

So we went for Playbook, Just walked around the neighborhood and just. You get a lot of thinking in and a lot of talking in.

[David Wild]

It's so weird you mentioned it, because I don't know if you've seen these Fitbit things that people carry around now, but I've walked five.

[Bald Brian]

The odometer you put in your ass.

[David Wild]

Yes, exactly. But I've walked at least five miles, averaged 10 miles a day for the last nine weeks, just on that approach, thinking. I think walking is a way to feel better, get healthier. I completely think that's true.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And it's interesting. And as I was saying, get a little buck slip, a little three and a half by eight and a half cardboard slip, put a pen in your pocket, and you'll just start having thoughts as you're walking down the street. But in terms of conversations with Your significant other. You think you do a lot of talking, but you do a lot of talking out in the dinner and a lot of it's about the food. And then you do a lot of talking, but it's in bed and the TV's on. You do a lot of decision making and sorting out when you're walking and talking. There's something about a physical movement that sort of frees things up versus being in that static position or shoveling food in your face that just. I would bet you that. But if you told. If I was a couple's counselor and they never. I don't think they'd ever tell you to do this. But if I had a couple that was having difficulties and I said, I need you to make me a promise. Four days a week, I need you guys to go on a walk. And I mean, you know, it's got to be two miles. Like you're going out for 45 minutes to an hour and you're just going to walk. I'm not going to say what the topic is. You're just going for a walk. No earbuds. With VRBill's last minute deals, you can save over $50 on your spring getaway.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Brian]

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[Allison Rosen]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Brian]

No, no phones, no anything. Just you cup, you come.

[Allison Rosen]

And you're going on the same walk, by the way.

[Bald Brian]

Oh yeah, yeah. You can't turn right and I turn left. My girlfriend's picking me up in a Miata. No, I would say if there's a couple that was having difficulty and I said, I need, you know, instead of, look, you guys need to communicate or you need a staycation or whatever it is, or you need some time away. We're going out for a romantic whatever, take a hot bath together. I was like, all right, that's kind of about sex or chocolate or whatever. But what I'm saying is give this relationship two months and four days out of the week, you guys go on a decent walk together with no other. No distractions, no earbuds, no phones, just a walk. And you talk about whatever it is you want to talk about. If you're angry, talk about it. You want to talk about the kids, talk about that. But walk. I'll bet you that would go a hell of a lot further toward putting the couple back together than going cross town, going up to the third floor, the guy fucking Doing the. It's two against one now with a couple's therapists. Now I'm gonna take my lumps like that. 50 minutes.

[Allison Rosen]

The thing about both being faced the same direction, it kind of puts you on the same side. It's sort of like. And I don't. We are not really pack animals like dogs are. But Cesar Millan always says getting dogs to walk together in a pack kind of orients them and gets them together.

[David Wild]

Literally gives you a sense of direction.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. All right. You're with me, Bry. Bry.

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds good to me, man.

[Bald Brian]

Okay. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

I have problems in a relationship.

[Bald Brian]

I'd know somebody.

[Allison Rosen]

Not so fast, Bright.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Bald Brian]

Damn it, Dave. Yeah. 22, Tucson. Thanks, man. I can't believe I'm talking to you. So I go to University of Arizona, and yeah, it's pretty good. I wish you'd return. Big win for Gary over there over the weekend, right? Bear down. That was huge. Can I say this? Hold on the Hill Mary, as they've dubbed it. I'll direct my attention toward Brian on this one because Allison and David, probably not so much, but the Hail Mary and Gary's well, because Arizona beat Stanford Cal. Sorry, Cal. The big, you know, 51 yard Hail Mary. No time on the clock. Play the part where you really don't rush anybody and you let the quarterback stand back there and all the receivers get down the field. And these receivers now are 64 and 6 5, and the DBs are still 5 9. And line them up for basically a jump ball. And your guys are training all week long and going up and getting the ball. The receivers are doing the bump and run. They're backpedaling. They're doing all that, I'm sorry, the DBs, but bump and run. Backpedaling, checking guys at the line and stuff like that. Stepping up and shutting down the run. But they're not all just playing jump ball all weekend. So the notion that your strategy is let's get an extra short guy back there who will probably be in the wrong place by the time the ball lands versus let's get a little pressure on the fucking quarterback and make him throw it early. Because these guys got to travel 51 yards to get to that end zone.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

Why? They always rush three guys. And by the way, the three guys are rushing or in contain, which is a weird thing too, because it's not like the QB is going to break one off and scramble. There's four seconds left on the clock. He's not going to take it downfield. The white Guy is not going to go 51 yards to the end zone with everyone playing center field. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Once he passes the line of scrimmage, he can only run. He can't pass that.

[Bald Brian]

Right. Why not put a little pressure on the guy, like take a middle linebacker, send him on a delay, and get the guy just to get rid of the ball, get in his face. Basically. Don't leave it to a jump ball. Don't ever get it to a jump ball.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. That and anyone who's back there defensively, the ball's got to travel so far and so high that if he's in the middle of the field, he can get to the sideline by the time the ball's out. He can cover almost anywhere in the end zone by the time the ball lands. So having an extra guy back there is almost silly.

[Bald Brian]

Half the time, they just step on each other's feet while the receiver goes up and gets it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Ball's gonna bounce almost no matter what anyway, right? In this case, it didn't.

[Bald Brian]

So you have one more play to go. The quarterback needs seven seconds to set up in the pocket. This isn't a quick slant. He's got to set up and huck that ball 50 yards down the field. Get someone in his face and nip this play in the bud. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Because if you rush three, you have eight defensive players back, and they can only send at most, what, four.

[Bald Brian]

Four or five guys get down there on the line.

[Brian Bishop]

Quarterback. So they can send five guys at the most. You already have outnumbered. Rush an extra guy or two.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And stop the play from starting.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Bald Brian]

All right, thank you. Draft kings, baby. Fancy football. Oh, wait a minute, Dave. Yeah. Oh. That answer your question? Yeah. Thanks. All right, Dave, what'd you want to know? All right, so this is what I was just. I've been seeing this a lot lately. In the last year, maybe year and a half. You know those shirts with those bullshit things on it that you kind of would expect a kid 14, 15, 16 to wear? And it would say something like, I wasn't listening, sorry. Or something like, I hate my job. Yeah. All right. There's a new Gary. I did a. Someone tweeted me one, like, yesterday or the day before, it was a kid's shirt. And again, I blame, like, Reebok and Nike when they're like, hey, it's your world. We're just living in it and all that kind of shit. The exact opposite. I don't. You know, the just do it is sort of like. All right, if you want to do it. And that means mow my lawn, fucking fine. But the it's your world kind of thing, that's a lot alike. It started off with that fucking T shirt company that was like second place is first loser. But it was no fear. No fear. But no, it's no fear. Yeah, was always. But it's only losers you'd see wearing the. Wearing the shirt. Gary, did you find that tweet? Do you have it? I'm looking right now. It's all these fucking affirmations on these shirts. But again, it's just. It's right up there with John Lennon saying, end war. Like awesome. But at a certain point you're gonna have to do something. And that's the way I feel about these shirts. Like just fucking do it. I'm guessing nobody you look up to has one of these T shirts.

[Allison Rosen]

But anyway, you are always wearing your I'm the boss, that's why shirt.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's the shirts I'm talking about.

[Bald Brian]

I have seen. I don't. Adults wear them. I've seen Asian people who don't know any English wear shirts. Well, that's cuz they don't know. Look, I gave my million years ago, I gave my maid's non English speaking husband a shirt that said masturbation is not a crime. And he got, he got sent home from work. Well, he didn't know. That's the.

[Allison Rosen]

Where'd he work?

[Bald Brian]

That's the whole thing. Scripps Institute? No, he was. I don't know, some fucking factory. But anyway, they say they sent him. They sent him home.

[Brian Bishop]

Wasn't part of the uniform.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, either way, I. What here.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, a lot of attitude shirts.

[Bald Brian]

But here's the thing, and you guys tell me everyone's got a tattoo, everyone's got a shirt, everyone's got an attitude. Everyone's got a license plate frame look. Everyone's got. Got blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, so what? What's that get you? I only want to know what works. I'm not interested in that. And someone's like, well, why not? Blah blah. Because it's a. It's. It's a. Because I'm a narcissist. That's a calorie burner and it's getting me nothing. I understand there's shit you put on your car and it enhances the performance. So you go, okay, we'll put a, put a cone air filter on there and get an extra 4 horsepower, a little suspension or some brakes or something. Okay? You're an enthusiast, you're like. And then there's shit you put on your car that are just like decals of fire. Or there's even like fake air vents where they literally just stick onto the fender. And it's like, what's that doing for you? It's not doing anything for you.

[Allison Rosen]

I think my Honda went faster when I had Alice in Chains and Smashing Pumpkins die cut stickers on there.

[David Wild]

But, you know, it makes me think about Paul Newman. All roads lead back to Paul Newman. Like, in the end, he put his face out there once. Really? And it was for all this, for the products that he sold. And he's raised all this money and even in forever, his legacy is doing that. But he actually put himself out there for a reason and didn't put himself out there in most of his life. He wasn't out there, you know, shamelessly tweeting. He. I don't think he would be a tweeter and a oversharer.

[Allison Rosen]

I think when you're young, there's this attempt to figure out who you are and sort of try on these different identities and different personalities. And a lot of this stuff fits the picture when you're young. The problem is when you have 45 year olds still doing it.

[David Wild]

Right? I wore a band T shirt every year, every day of high school, and I haven't worn one since.

[Bald Brian]

And speaking of that, just the guys who wear the shit that they like, I. There's Adam Carolla show swag, hats, mugs, T shirts, things like that. I've never wear one because it'd be weird if I was wearing one.

[David Wild]

Only Mike Love of the Beach Boys this video. He wears the Beach Boys hat and the Beach Boys shirt. That's a very lot of human weakness in that.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. How many people on this roof are wearing Adam Caroller show swag right now?

[Allison Rosen]

But not Adam, right?

[Bald Brian]

No, nobody.

[Brian Bishop]

He's in the band. It's not the Beach Boy.

[Dawson]

I mean, not one piece with 25

[Bald Brian]

square feet, by the way. Nobody ever wears.

[Dawson]

What?

[Bald Brian]

There's more. Let's be fair to Brian.

[David Wild]

I wear the hats and the shirts all the fucking time.

[Brian Bishop]

We just aren't ready. So does Chris and.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, well, they wear whatever's free. I mean, whatever. Whatever gets dropped off. They would Kmer rouge caps were dropped off. They'd wear the free. Yeah, he's wearing a Mangria shirt.

[Allison Rosen]

But Alan has a problem with a Beach Boys crew member, you know, one of the peons who's not really affecting anything. Like one of the Real small people who's just barely there wearing it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's tangentially affiliated.

[Bald Brian]

I was confused. You were attempting to shit on my point or not. I can't. I'm confused now.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, he was.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, okay. Well, that I should have known.

[Brian Bishop]

But yeah, I guess I was pointing out that a lot of people associated with the show wear show gear.

[Bald Brian]

Well, first off, they wear whatever's free, right? That's number one. Whatever gets dropped off here, whether it's a beer company or it's Mangria or it's Jerry, like Jeremiah Weed. Chris wears more.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm saying.

[Bald Brian]

That's not what you're saying. Oh, that's what I was saying. You were saying Adam Carolla stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you're right. You're right. I did say that. I meant associated with. But you're right.

[Bald Brian]

But that's not the. That's like the Beach Boys are allowed to wear Jan and Dean shit if they get dropped off at the Beach Boys practice facility or whatever. I don't think anyone. Does anyone intentionally wear anything around here?

[Dawson]

I will intentionally wear Corolla gear at live shows.

[Bald Brian]

So will I. But you're trying to get a blow job from you. Okay, all right, all right. But I would never wear. It'd be stupid if I wore the fucking hat, right?

[David Wild]

Yeah, that would look. That would be like Bruce Springsteen having a T shirt. Like I'm the Boss but just not hip. Not cool.

[Bald Brian]

All right, so we don't like those guys. And I don't know if I favorite tweeted that or maybe I just retweeted it. Maybe that was. That was it anyway. It was some fucking Nike shirt on some 13 year old that somebody sent that said, you know my world and you're just living in it. Or, you know, number one with a bullet or Yes, I do, but not with you. Or one of those stupid things that just. There's no picture. That's why I was having trouble finding it. It says, just saw a kid with

[David Wild]

a Nike shirt that said my way all day.

[Bald Brian]

My way all day. All right. Isn't that just what we don't want from a 12 year old? We don't want your way all day. The point is, is the. When you're a kid, it's the opposite. It's like. It's like. It'd be like if we. It's. It's like if everybody who came into the military before you entered basic training, we gave you a T shirt that said my way all day. No, it's you get up, you go to school, you take a bunch of fucking classes you don't want to take. You learn a bunch of shit you're not interested in. Then when you're done, you go take a piano lesson or something. It's. It's quite the opposite of your way all day. Later on when you become independently wealthy someday, yes, it's your way someday. By the way, if you don't fuck this part up, it's a long T shirt your way all day. 2041, if you don't fuck this shit up. That's what it should say first.

[David Wild]

Give your 10,000 hours, then we can talk, right?

[Bald Brian]

All right, let's see. Gilbert Godfrey is on the way. Somebody owns something to do with German cars. Danny, 30, Seattle. Yeah. How's it going? He's man, what's going on, man? Oh, man, I just hear you talking about cars all the time, but never really hear too much about German cars. I don't know if you, if you're into German cars too, or you just mostly stick with the Datsuns and stuff, it sounds like, but I don't know. I know you're gonna be up in the Seattle area and I don't know if you do the car cast traveling, but I build like, you know, 600 horsepower German cars and stuff and want to see if you might want to come check the place out, go for a ride sometime and I don't know, man, just soak up some of your knowledge. I love the German cars. I just had this long conversation with somebody, the vintage race about them. I mean, you know, Porsche is the best. BMW is awesome. Audi. Oh, there's a great documentary on Audi at 24 hour Le Mans, which is a perfect. Another one of those. I'll think of the name of it. Gary will tell me what is it? At 24, Jason Statham does the narration of it. It's this great documentary about how audi had won 24 hours at Le Mans like three years running. And they. It's like it's called truth in 24. And speaking of car movies that you don't have to be a gearhead to be into 24 hour Le Mans is like the craziest undergoing ever. And it's insane what you have to do to win this race in terms of preparing. Preparation, because your car's got to go for 24 hours and balls out for 24 hours. And what happens is they get in accidents and stuff and the car rolls in and the whole front end is caved in and they rebuild it in 20 minutes. And it's right back on the Mulsanne Straight, going 220 miles an hour. 20 minutes later. They just do insane things. But all they do is drill a car pulls in, you know, do all drive. They have to do drivers changes and blah, blah, blah. And it's just. It's very German. How do they refuel? It's very. They refuel. They have one big huge, like 20 liter fuel thing and it's.

[Allison Rosen]

It drives alongside the car.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they literally refuel. Four new tires and a driver change in like 10 seconds and boom, back out. And it's the hardest thing in the world to win. Well, you saw Paul Newman get so close, so close to winning overall at Le Mans. And it always rains, which I had

[David Wild]

no idea, I had no idea anything like that at home.

[Bald Brian]

It always rains. And then they have to change the tires and go with the rain tires because the slicks are no good. And then they have to decide when she win. One part of the track's dry and the other part's wet anyway.

[David Wild]

But I thought that was interesting in the movie because that was the closest it got to the public commotion, making it hard for him to be a part of a race. It showed to me how America's changed. America. He pretty much was able to live his racing life in America. It was only at Le Mans that it really got. The celebrity part got.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, the tabloids went nut. He couldn't move when he went to go race at Le Mans. He couldn't get around. The crowds were crushing him out here. He'd be at road Atlanta, Watkins Glen, Sears Point, Lime Rock. You know, these places are out in the boondocks and you gotta. You know, it's kind of hard for the TMZ guys to get out to road Atlanta and stuff like that. And they gave Paul Newman his space in here. But when he went to Europe, forget it. So truth in 24 is about Audi and how Audi won three years in a row. But the car's old now because it's three years old. And Peugeot came out with a super killer car that was quite a bit faster. And so now what Audi had to do, because it was a 24 hour race, they were losing 3 seconds a lap, which is huge. When you race and you drop three seconds a lap to somebody in about five laps, you can't see them anymore. And in 10 laps, they're lapping you like it really does a little bit off with the math. But they go past. You'd be surprised. With three seconds, it's sort of like in the NFL. If you run a 4, 4 40, you're fucking lightning. If you run a 4, 7, 40, you're not. You can't play. You've been like, quarterback, and you go, well, what's the difference? A couple tenths of a second. When you cross the 40 yard line, one guy's eight yards ahead of the next guy. Like, it's that way with racing. Three seconds is huge.

[Teresa Strasser]

Huge.

[Bald Brian]

They couldn't keep up. So what they did was they said instead of putting the new drivers in, like every 45 minutes, we'll keep them in double time and triple time. We'll keep the same drivers in, we'll cut down on the pit stops where they're losing time and we'll make up. We'll make it up in the pit stops. We'll be faster in the pits. So it's a great story of how the drilling and the precision and the engineering were able to beat the more technologically advanced, faster car in the 20. Sort of tortoise in the hair. But 24 hours, it wouldn't have worked. If it was a half hour race or one hour race, they were able to do it, but the way they were able to do it was just by fucking drilling and just by having an incredible insane team. Show me a picture, Gary, of what let's say the Audi pit looks like at Le Mans. Just bunch of crazy guys wearing headsets and fire suits. And when those cars come in, they. They all just converge on and everyone has their job to do.

[David Wild]

They were good in cars, but bad in concentration camps. The showers. Avoid the showers. Drive the cars, but avoid the showers.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. So Germans, always good. Always good at anything that has to do with engineering, even if it's genocide. Hey, Danny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see truth in 24? I haven't seen that yet. I've been kind of working my ass off. We just got. You work on German cars, for the love of Christ. And by the way, Jason Statham, them. That's the guy you went narrating.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a voice.

[Bald Brian]

That's it. That's a voice. All right. So appreciate him. I just drive the Datsuns because they're bulletproof, basically. I was sort of wondering if you might want. I don't know if. All right, let's see.

[David Wild]

Can I tell you that I listened to Gilbert Gottfried, who's coming in a little while, his podcast, it's great. It's shockingly good. He had Barbara Feldon on, who is the first woman I ever loved from A distance in the new episode.

[Bald Brian]

Good.

[David Wild]

Good show.

[Bald Brian]

Which is. I mean, is that a dream of genie?

[David Wild]

No, no, 99 from Get Smart, I

[Bald Brian]

got my Feldman and Feldman.

[David Wild]

You got your early masturbatory stars wrong.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, next thing you know, I'll be jacking off to Lynda Carter do a lot worse. Yeah, 99. The hell is she up to?

[David Wild]

She. She still sounded sexy on the podcast, and I did see a picture of her, I think. I did a TV Land Awards with her, like, 1512 years ago, and she's still sexy.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of sexy, I just remembered I had a sexy dream involving Dag last night. We did not get it on, but we were going to in the dream. What does that mean?

[David Wild]

Was he doing Teddy Pendergrass?

[Allison Rosen]

No, he was you as himself. He's going to be just doing me.

[Bald Brian]

I. I think and I think you guys tell me. Half the dreams, when you break them down, you go, oh, yeah, I was sort of thinking about this. Or I was just thinking about that. And then the other half is, well, look, brain, if you're going to be passed out eight hours a day, I have to fill you with something. So some of this is going to be potluck.

[David Wild]

That was Dak's pickup line. I have to fill you with something.

[Bald Brian]

That's right. I have to fill your pot with a little of my black luck. You know what I mean? There's times when I wake up, I'm like, what the fuck? Where did that all come from? And then I realized, well, wait a minute. Your brain, you guys, I don't know how it works, but I think this is how it works. Your brain needs to think it's doing something all the time, even when it's not. Like, when I see my dog, Molly, napping every once in a while, I see, like, her leg moving, like she's pushing herself on a skateboard and she's doing.

[David Wild]

That's exactly how your leg was moving last night.

[Bald Brian]

Because I think if your brain just goes, hey, you're sleeping, man. You'll just wake up, right? So your brain has to, like, keep things occupied and stuff. Like, your brain is, like. Is like jiggling keys for an infant, where, like, you go, hey, what's going on? And I go, over here, over here. And you go, what? What's that? Yeah, I think your brain needs to keep you moving so you don't wake up. And sometimes it just starts throwing shit in there.

[Allison Rosen]

All I know is I was very excited about it, and I could not wait to get along with him, but Dag never.

[David Wild]

Dag doesn't give you shit. It's funny because he'll do this. Did he ever go out with Teresa, or was that a joke that I did once. Was there an actual date with her?

[Bald Brian]

But I think he went out on a date. I don't think he, like, went out out, but I think they just went out once.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what's weird is we actually. I don't even know how this is possible. We have audio from Allison's dream.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, we did. Oh, shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Weird. I don't know how he got that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's strange.

[David Wild]

So

[Bald Brian]

is it. Can I ask you this, then? Are you. Now, see, it's much different for men than women are. You attract. Dag is so good on this show

[Allison Rosen]

and, you know, I must be attracted to his impressions.

[Bald Brian]

And there's an element of. This would piss Daddy off, right? Do we get a little forbidden fruit

[David Wild]

in there because he's not Jewish?

[Bald Brian]

I do think comedian. No, I do feel like, with almost like, for a guy, in terms of sexuality, he's like, what's the best looking chick that'll let me fuck her? That's pretty much how we roll. Women have the little algorithm, and sometimes it's, ooh, what would Daddy not like? Yeah, I halfway love your stank ass. Even if you love Daddy, is there, like, a forbidden part?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, he wasn't in the dream?

[Bald Brian]

That'd be a little naughty.

[Allison Rosen]

I get what you're saying.

[Bald Brian]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

I get what you're saying. Like, the kind of men that used to really excite me were Neo Nazis. No, Were ones that were totally wrong for me and were ones where I was going to get hurt somehow. I was just always drawn to the bad boy. Like the one that. It's like, what are you like? My friends would say, you can have a crush on that one. Do not. Do not try to make a boyfriend out of that one. That's always who I was interested in. And so it was that kind of super excitement in the dream. So perhaps.

[Bald Brian]

Right. Like, I don't. I don't. There's a little naughty. I mean. I mean, it's not all Daddy, but society kind of becomes Daddy.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Dag and Dad are not that.

[Bald Brian]

So let's put it this way. My Sonny is not going to be dating a type of woman to get back at Mom. At some point, Natalia is going to date a guy to piss me off. She won't. Because if you think about it, what is attraction for guys? It's so concrete for women, it's so Fluid. Like, I'll give it to you this way. Every time there's some little man dwarf, I don't know what we call him anymore, right here, right? Who unfortunately, you need to be tall or you need to be a dwarf. You get a lot of pussy. You're kind of in between. That's wrong. But how come every time there's a super short guy, he'll tell you how many regular sized chicks he's porked and it's not the other way around? I don't think there's a lot of little girls that have gotten a lot of good looking dude model cocks. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

And I wonder if. What do you guys think of this theory? For every brother who's been shut down because, oh, the white woman's not gonna date a black guy, there's been one who's nailed two white chicks because it was just sort of bucket list. A little forbidden, a little naughty, and a little get back at dad. You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Bald Brian]

So I wonder if there's an element of naughty that means there's another one

[Allison Rosen]

I'm gonna have a dream about.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, there's two. Right. So there's so beautiful. I would like to play with your dirty pillow. So it's a little naughty. And it's also, he's so talented. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Sure. Also, he flirts with me in a very joking way.

[Bald Brian]

Right. But is it an attract? Are you physically attracted to him or does that just all get blurred out because of all the things that women factor in that guys don't factor in.

[Allison Rosen]

It's one of those things where after the dream I'm like, am I? Maybe I am. But the weird thing is I'm married. See, I feel like this is less about my dad than about the fact that Daniel is gonna be like, why are you talking about all this on air? No. Then.

[Bald Brian]

Well.

[Allison Rosen]

Cause that's the weird part for me.

[Bald Brian]

The weird part about dreams is how they take 41 hours to wear off.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, I'm in a no dag zone.

[Bald Brian]

If I had sex with Fergie in my dream 10 minutes after I woke up, I would like. Did you have sex with Fergie? Well, sort of. I mean, it would feel bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Peas or duchess?

[Bald Brian]

Duchess. It would feel to me like I would still go through that day. Like I fingered her, like halfway. That's what I'm saying. Something like there'd still be something. I'd kind of be thinking about her. And I'd be. And here's the really unreasonable thought, oh, yeah, she's thinking about me. I mean, she knows where it's at. She wasn't there, but she was kind of, you know.

[David Wild]

I want to hear about your Gilbert Gottfried sex dream tomorrow.

[Allison Rosen]

Done.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. If he shows up, he's running a little bit late.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, if not, then he can be faceless.

[Bald Brian]

By the way, Gilbert is not here yet, so we shall see. You can ask, ask Matt Fondelier how my batting average is when he brings up certain. Like when he goes, larry Miller's coming in, I go, great. When he goes, gilbert Godfrey's going to be on the show. I go, phoner. And he goes, no, he's coming in. And I go, he's coming in? Yeah, coming in. I just go, okay. But there's a part of me that is dubious.

[Brian Bishop]

The tone says, we'll see.

[Bald Brian]

The tone is very. There's just.

[David Wild]

Guys just gotten his muscle car and

[Bald Brian]

Norm MacDonald is one of them. Like, Norm MacDonald's coming in. It's like he is. He's phoning in. Now he's coming in. And then so he's smash. Cut to where's Norm? And then you kind of go, all right. But you would never say that about Cho Coy or aforementioned Larry Miller or David Wilde. There's certain people. I've never goes, david Wilde's coming. You mean he's phoning in or he's coming. Like, none of that.

[Brian Bishop]

When you ask if David Wild's phoning and it's more hopeful. He's phoning in.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Has he been in no show before?

[Bald Brian]

It's not based on that much other than listen, get the porcelain Punisher in here, please. Just Porcelain Punisher. What up, boss? We have a guest. Thank you for wearing your Mangria shirt. Yeah, no problem. New formula. Corolladrinks.com when we have guests in here.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I meant.

[Bald Brian]

And we have a guest every show. I don't ask that often. Phoner. That's correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Or.

[Bald Brian]

But there's some guys, maybe once every three and a half months where I go, huh. I feel like if there's a name that's of a certain echelon, like someone who's a pretty recognizable name, there's is sometimes a question of, wait, is this person really gonna be here? Or just a phoner? That's usually. I feel like when you've brought it up. No, I don't want to disagree with you, but Gilbert Godfrey's not an A list celebrity.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. Here he is.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, I understand what you're saying there's just certain people that I go, is this person going to be here or not? Yeah. And I don't know why, but he's. I just asked based on this algorithm of a few things, but I don't ask it most of the time. That's absolutely true. But when I do ask, my batting average is pretty good, right? Absolutely. This case in point right now. Yeah, I was like, he's coming in. And. Yeah, no, it's. It's not some guy from a band you've never heard of, but it's not, you know. Yes. If Clint Eastwood said he was going to be on the show, I would say, is Clint Eastwood Eastwood phoning in or is he coming in? Because that seems like a pretty good get for Mike August. Gilbert Godfrey, great guest, but not, you know, not first out at the Tonight Show. But I still was sort of suspicious, and so far my suspicions have proven correct.

[Brian Bishop]

We still got time. 12 minutes.

[Bald Brian]

All right, let's. I'll tell you what, why don't we do some news? You want to hang out? Do you want to take a break? All right, I'll take it. Let's take a break. We'll see. Oh, wait a minute now. We got one more call. I just, I just don't want to leave him hanging. Then we'll do some news. Hannah 27, Portland.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, hi, Adam.

[Bald Brian]

What's going on?

[Teresa Strasser]

I just moved in with my boyfriend in Portland and I took like, your advice that you give on the show of square footage. So we have a two bedroom, two bath apartment that we're renting and I just wanted advice on kind of like what to do as, like, moving with a boyfriend. I've done it before and it ended horribly. And I was in school at the time and now I'm not in school. So any advice that you have.

[Bald Brian]

How. What do you mean, ended horribly?

[Teresa Strasser]

He, like, he broke up with me and he, you know, he had me move out and stuff like that and then started dating another girl while I was still living there.

[Bald Brian]

You told him about how you dreamed a fucking dag and he just. Yeah. So now you're living together and he's seeing somebody else. I want a flap stick. Fuck you, baby. By the way, as many of those as you have, Brian, I will take. And maybe you suspect he may have been seeing her a little bit before you guys broke up.

[Teresa Strasser]

A fox is a gay that was a previous boyfriend.

[Bald Brian]

So.

[Teresa Strasser]

So basically that's what I'm saying. Yeah, I was told that I was a little bit emotionally Unavailable because I was just so busy with school.

[Bald Brian]

Emotionally unavailable. Do you have a sister?

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm the only child.

[Bald Brian]

I broke the mold.

[Allison Rosen]

That sounds like bullshit. Has any guy ever broken up with someone because the woman was emotionally unavailable?

[Bald Brian]

You're vaginally unavailable. No, I've never heard emotionally unavailable. I don't know what that means. I think that's basically. They know they're gonna get it. Like, that's like a cop pulling you over on a Saturday night, walking up your window and you go, have you been drinking? Do you know why you pulled me over? Yeah. And they're going, huh? What? No, I'm. No, I'm asking you if you been drinking. Like, that's just a preemptive strike. Although if I ever get broken up with, I will try that one again. Because now it's gonna be stupid because they're gonna go, what? No, you're emotionally. And then. Sounds like they're just stealing your thunder at that point. Hannah, you want to avoid this? No, wait a minute. Hannah. Sorry. Never let a chick put her finger in your ass. Whoa, Hannah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

So.

[David Wild]

Kind of sounds adorable, doesn't she?

[Bald Brian]

No, you sound fine to me. Okay, what's the deal? You guys gonna get married?

[Teresa Strasser]

Maybe in a couple years.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Do you want to get married now?

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm not right now. I'm not ready yet.

[Bald Brian]

Are you sure he hasn't talked you into that?

[Teresa Strasser]

No, like we. We've talked about. He wants to live together before. Before we get married.

[Bald Brian]

He wants to. All right. All I'm saying is I was talking to Bruce about this. Here's my advice. If you're living together, if you're in your later 20s or early 30s and you're thinking about getting married, fucking get married, you can get divorced that much sooner. Don't do the put it off. For about three years, we've talked about this one. Every fucking time you go out of town, you do that move where it's like, hey, three day weekend, we're going to Carmel. It's going to be awesome. And you're just driving home on a Sunday night, her arms are folded and a lot of silence in the car. And you go, carmel was awesome, wasn't it? And he goes, yeah, it's fine. And you go, man, Hearst Castle was cool on the way up. San Simeon's beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful. And then there's another long pause and you're like, the restaurant was really good, right? Friday night, Italian food. Awesome, right? Yeah, it's good. It's fine. And then you're like, what? I thought we just had a great weekend. Didn't we just have a great weekend together? We had a lot of fun, a lot of sex. It was great. We went out to dinner, like, what? We got that bicycle. We went along the strand, along the beach, like, what's up? And yeah, it was all good. Then you were like, what the fuck's happening? And you realize, oh, she thought you were going to propose because you've been living together for four and a half years and you went up to Carmel and you had a three day whatever. And she thought when you went out to that super fancy place on Saturday night, she was gonna get that cake and she's gonna that the, the wedding ring was gonna be in the bottom of a glass, a flute of champagne and now she's pissed on the ride home. And God fucking save you if you go to someone else's wedding, especially if this happens. Tammy and Steve. Yeah, they're getting married. It's gonna be awesome. They're doing it. Maui. They met nine months after we did. Yeah, it's great, right? Maui, right? Awesome. Yeah. Nine months after we met, that's when, as matter of fact, I helped set Tammy and Steve up. Yeah, it's awesome. Fuck that. You're fucked. So either just get married and do it now or don't. Fuck it. Don't fucking go out of town and

[Allison Rosen]

certainly don't have any friends.

[Bald Brian]

Don't ever. Well, especially from 27 to 33, every human being you know will get married and you'll get invited to every single one of their fucking marriages. And your girl will be be pissed at all. And by the way, if she's invited, if she's going to be one of the bridesmaids or something, you're totally fucked. So just fucking get married. That's all I'm saying. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll come back with the news right after this. Hi, I'm Larry Miller. But in a way, aren't we all?

[David Wild]

And this week on this Week with

[Bald Brian]

Larry Miller, we have a great show. But come see a special live, live

[David Wild]

recording of this Week with Larry Miller at the LA Podcast Festival on September 28th.

[Bald Brian]

For more info, go to la podfest.com

[David Wild]

we'll see you here.

[Bald Brian]

Have you heard who's next with Goldberg? Yes.

[Dawson]

Every Tuesday, wrestling legend Bill Goldberg hangs out with his well known friends, your

[Bald Brian]

good friend and mine, Dale Jr. How you doing, partner? I'm doing great. Terry Crews, Jeremy Roenick, Mr. Clint Black, Chris Daughtry. Yes, I Need fireworks blowing up right now as I walk out to find out who's next with Goldberg putting some content together that you ain't never heard before. Every [e-mail] that's podcastone.com.

[Dawson]

And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show. Dateline Anchor Point, Alaska. A 43 year old man waited five days to seek medical attention for a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

[Bald Brian]

The man instead.

[Allison Rosen]

Check.

[Bald Brian]

Chose to treat the wound with Neosporin.

[Dawson]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Bald Brian]

I feel like I've lost touch with Neosporin. Bactine and Neosporin were a big part of my life. And now it's weird.

[Allison Rosen]

You weren't disinfecting a lot of things.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I was doing a lot of disinfecting. Not so much anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't really see Bactine. I feel like in the school, whenever anyone cut themselves, it was always Bactine and a band aid. Yeah, I feel like they don't bake Teen up anything anymore.

[Bald Brian]

I feel like it's at a certain point there was like a cocktail party and Bactine and Banaka was there and they went, you know what? Had a pretty good run. I think it's time to bow out gracefully. And we both went, yeah, we both spritz. We both cause a little momentary sting and sensation. Everyone's in love with us and kind of addicted to us, but we don't really do anything. We don't really do anything anymore. And, you know, it's time to step aside and let some of the young princes come up.

[Brian Bishop]

Quite. Dignity, Quiet dignity.

[Bald Brian]

Quiet dignity. Let's not, let's not have it be sad, you know, like some Joe Namath with his knees all jacked up playing for the Rams. Everyone just shaking their head. Let's not do that. Let's just like back Teen and Binoca probably about the same weekend in, you know, 1981 just went, you know what? We had a pretty good run. Yeah. Now let's just quietly slip off before it gets pathetic. Yeah, sad. That's right. I do.

[Brian Bishop]

What's something kind of poetically wonderful about that?

[Bald Brian]

They both sting.

[Brian Bishop]

They never run around too long.

[Bald Brian]

They both cause pain. They both sting. They're supposed to fix something. Instead they hurt and then they both just kind of went away.

[Brian Bishop]

Start with the B.

[Bald Brian]

They start with the B. I wonder. I don't know who it was. Probably one of those conversations where Bakhtin and Banaka did the Hey, I should. Well, no, you, you go first. No, no, you like they would do

[Allison Rosen]

it every iPhone conversation.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. And every 80s sitcom. You say what you wanted to say. That was always one of those you go, you go. You first say at the same time. Yeah. You know what other humor I forgot about from the 70s/80s? Lens cap still on Humor where there was like, I guess Captain Stubing those binoculars would probably work a little bit better if you took the lens cap. Well, of course. I was just testing the lens.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a pilot, a cruise ship, but he doesn't know how to take the lenses off.

[Bald Brian]

A lot of lens cap humor. Oh, it'd always be the person posing as whatever doing something. You're quite a photographer. Yes, I am. Yeah. Your pictures would probably come out even better if you took the lens cap off. A lot of lens cap humor.

[Brian Bishop]

The other version of that was either binoculars or the telescope backwards. And something's really. Oh, look how far away they are turned around. Oh, my God, they're right there.

[Allison Rosen]

These people look like ants. That is an ant.

[Bald Brian]

All right, we'll see if Gilbert Godfrey shows up or not. In the meantime, we'll soldier on and do some news with Allison Rosen.

[Dawson]

The news with Allison Rosen.

[Bald Brian]

She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Doug Benson]

Sometimes. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Bald Brian]

It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison. All right. Now the news with Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Tough day for Adam Carolla show guest Dinesh d', Souza, who was charged in January with illegal finance contributions. Sorry, illegal contributions to a U.S. senate candidate. And so he was sentenced today to five years of probation and ordered to serve eight months in a community confinement center, which I'm guessing is a super nice jail.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And he's also ordered to pay a $30,000 fine, attend weekly counseling sessions, and do one day of community service a week for the length of his probation.

[Bald Brian]

It's a pretty rough crowd in that counseling session. I give Senator or back $30,000. Now I'm fucked.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I do hit rock bottom.

[Allison Rosen]

So what happened is he encouraged his then fiance and someone else to each give $10,000 to this person that he wanted to run, and then he said he would pay them back.

[Bald Brian]

Why, I can't figure out. And I feel the same way about drugs. Anyone who commits a crime that doesn't involve of hurting another citizen physically or even, you know, I mean, I know there's a. You took the elderly's nest egg and you squandered it all on coke. And maybe you should. But anyone who doesn't do anything to another citizen of the United States physically, whether they're giving campaign contributions or doing rails a blow, I want them rehabbing and working, not put somewhere. I like the part where they give you the. I like the part where you have to give the cash like that. But it just seems like with prison overcrowding and again, it's just the same way about drugs. Like if you're not harming, if you're not physically, I need you confined. If you physically pose a threat, I don't need you confined. And if you don't physically pose a threat, I need you to make restitution in other ways, but other ways that don't involve costing me money.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think he should be punished?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but not. Yes, restitution, like punish. You know, give a million dollars or $500,000. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

But not held in this.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know exactly what he did that this feels.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, contributions were limited to $2,500 from an individual to a single federal candidate. So he found this way around it.

[Brian Bishop]

Doesn't this feel like there's much, much worse going on in the world?

[Bald Brian]

That's what I mean.

[Brian Bishop]

In this part of the world.

[Bald Brian]

Here's what I don't get. You punch, you know, you smoke weed, you get a one year suspension from the NFL. You punch your wife in the face, you get a two day suspension from the NFL. And then the film comes out. Then we, now we gotta ban you from the league. But if the film doesn't come out, you get a two game, a two week suspension for punching your wife, knocking your wife out cold in an elevator. But we find THC in your system, you're suspended for a year. There's people who sold acid at a Grateful Dead concert that are in and out of prison or in prison a lot longer than the guy killed Dominique Dunne. I just want some. I don't know, I feel like this is a fine thing. It doesn't feel like enough to me. I mean, it doesn't feel like enough crime to me. I want some crime.

[Brian Bishop]

And who, who were the two people? His wife and who else?

[Allison Rosen]

His then fiance. I don't know who the other one was.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they squeal on him? I mean, how does this get found out? It seems like they're either friends or associates or people he would trust.

[Bald Brian]

But is the crime, does he owe them the money still? I know there's a.

[Allison Rosen]

The crime is that he's tampering with what should be an honest elective process.

[Brian Bishop]

He's given too much money.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but you have to lock up the Kennedy family.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sure people wish they could.

[Bald Brian]

I'm just saying, like.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's an attempt to keep it a level playing field.

[Bald Brian]

Right. I don't like locking up anyone for anything that does not. When someone is a threat, I want them locked up. When someone is not a threat, I want them to pay back or to be punished.

[Allison Rosen]

I also think there's a suggestion that, like, come on, you knew what you were doing.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah. I think he definitely knew what he

[Allison Rosen]

was doing, that he was being selectively targeted. Like, Obama's trying to shut me up. He's. You know that. Because he has spoken out against Obama. At the sentencing, the judge said that his claim of selective prosecution, legally speaking, is. And here's a phrase I like and was not familiar with till now. All hat, no cattle. That means all talk.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, I've heard that one.

[Brian Bishop]

All frizzle, no steak.

[Bald Brian]

I like that one. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't get a lot of all hat, no cattle these days.

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Has it been a while since you've heard it?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And it was probably just in a movie, but it is the one. There's a handful, and that's one of them that I always enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well, he's off the street. That's the good news. Now we can sleep at night.

[Allison Rosen]

I would like to know what these community confinement centers are like. I bet it's like Orange is the New Black. Pretty cushy.

[Bald Brian]

But the whole point is, I'm sure it's nothing. So then what now? What are we doing? You know what I mean? He's playing croquet all day. Just let him do the fucking. Let him make money and pay taxes and then charge him something.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of people who make money and pay taxes, your neighbor, I believe Vince Vaughn, who's announced that he and Colin Farrell are going to star in True Detective Season 2. There's been quite a lot of hubbub about who is gonna be in the second season.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, really now? It's Woody and McConaughey. McConaughey were season one and they need somebody of equal stature, hopefully. And is it. Is it one of these vanity things where, like a big time celebrity will just do a run and then let somebody else step in and you'll go back to making films?

[Allison Rosen]

I think each season is gonna have different. I didn't watch season one, but everyone who has seen it. Gary. Gary wants to chime in. I can see it.

[Bald Brian]

It's an anthology style where each season

[David Wild]

is new stars and different stories.

[Bald Brian]

But if Woody and McConaughey said, oh, no, we're definitely down for season two, they'd find something to do with the Oscar award caliber winning. Right, guys? Right.

[Allison Rosen]

I think they might be on the out on their butts.

[Brian Bishop]

It probably ties them up from making movies and other things.

[Bald Brian]

No, it does. That's what I'm saying. But I mean, if they said, hey, we're dying to do a season two, we want in, don't you think they would write accordingly and just kind of keep going?

[Allison Rosen]

Probably, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

So it's the kind of thing where it becomes like an extended dance version of hosting snl. So you're not in the SNL cast. Nobody, you know, look, Alec Baldwin is going to host snl, but he's not going to be a cast member because he's doing other things. But he'll spend a week. He'll spend a week doing this, but then he'll go make a film. So you'll spend four or five months shooting this show, and then you'll go make features.

[Allison Rosen]

So Vaughn will portray Frank Semion, a career criminal in danger of losing his empire. Colin Farrell will play Ray Velcro, a compromised detective detective whose allegiances are torn between his masters and a corrupt police department and a mobster who owns him.

[Bald Brian]

What years this take place believe in?

[Allison Rosen]

Is it present day, Gary?

[Bald Brian]

I don't know.

[David Wild]

Last season took place half in present

[Bald Brian]

day and then half of it was flashbacks to like 95. I like to do a period piece that took place like 14 months ago so we didn't have to sink a bunch of money into outfits and cars and stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

These are old phones.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's like newsroom.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, just go back like, you know, middle of 2012, toward the end, you

[Brian Bishop]

know, I'm with you.

[Allison Rosen]

Looks so authentic.

[Bald Brian]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Eric, the actor lynch, member of Howard Stern's whack pack, died. Yeah, he was 39. He died Saturday. He was less than three and a half feet tall. He died of heart problems, but he'd had ongoing health problems.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, he made it to 39. Did you say?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes?

[Bald Brian]

A pretty good run for somebody who had all. I'm, I'm sure when he was born, they didn't. They weren't thinking. Well, a scant 39 years from now, this kid will be in the grave. Like, that's pretty good. I think whatever time period you're living in, whatever you're born with, I Think if you can outlive whatever the guy who slapped you on the ass thinks you're gonna make it to, you've done all right for yourself. Because whoever slapped him on the ass had to think, this thing I'm holding not. Not making it to its 18th birthday.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, right. Right.

[Bald Brian]

All right. So, good run.

[Allison Rosen]

So Jimmy Kimmel shared memories on the show on Monday morning. He said, the fact that Eric had no respect for you whatsoever is what I liked best about him. You talked to this tiny little guy in a wheelchair who lived with his parents and didn't have a whole lot going on. And he would argue with you as if you were equals, and you would argue with him as if you were equals. And I guess you really were. And I just love that.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Gary's sending me a message Monday morning, right? Yeah. Jimmy called into Stern, right? Is that what you said? That's what you said.

[Allison Rosen]

What did I say?

[Bald Brian]

I think that's what you said. Yeah. Sorry.

[David Wild]

I was.

[Bald Brian]

Okay. Yeah, I heard that. I didn't. I never met him. I've met. Oh, God. I think I went and did something once in, like, Sacramento with, like, Crack Pipe Loo or something. Who was the guy who was, like, brain dead because he smoked too much crack?

[Brian Bishop]

They had a crackhead, right?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, Crackhead Bob.

[Brian Bishop]

Something like. It sounds familiar. It's been a while.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. You know, you realize when you hear those guys on the radio, just because of the theater of the mind and everything, there's some sort of. I don't know, there's some sort of. Oh, you don't romanticize it, but you just think, oh, crack. Crackhead Bob. Yeah. It's like, I used to listen to Crackhead Bob all the time. Oh, that's Crackhead Bob. Oh, that's Crackhead Bob. And then you meet him in an airport in Sacramento and you share the same shuttle van back to the Marriott. And you're like, this guy's a fucking crackhead. And you're like, oh, yeah, that's the guy. Like, in your mind, he's a deaf frat guy. Yeah. You think he's a celebrity, but then you kind of meet him and you go, oh, he's a crackhead guy with the brain damage. And that's who I'm sitting next to. Yeah. Anyway, he'll be missed. That's all I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

You mentioned Saturday Night Live. Daryl Hammond will take over for Don Pardo doing the voiceover for snl, and he wants. He actually filled in a couple times. Not. Not that many people realized he Filled in for Pardo six times while he

[Bald Brian]

was on the show A lot, Bob. Yeah, because he did it as Donald Trump, so nobody knew.

[Allison Rosen]

And so Hammond wants to replicate the sound of Pardo's opening without doing an outright impersonation. So he's kind of trying to figure out how he's gonna do it.

[Bald Brian]

I know he wouldn't do this and they wouldn't have him do it, by the way, the. Replicate the sound without copying the sound or whatever it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. What does that mean?

[Bald Brian]

Just fucking try to sound like him and let's do it. Just be a different person every time.

[Allison Rosen]

Ooh, that'd be fun.

[Bald Brian]

That would be fun. Because when he comes out, and he's great, by the way, at impersonations, but when he comes out as Donald Trump, you see the outfit, you see the hair, and as he's walking out, you go, donald Trump. But it'd be really fun off camera. It is a little harder when you don't see. First off, you're not allowed to use your catchphrases that they use when they're doing whatever Star du Jour is. You'll notice some. Throw in some of those catchphrases. You're not allowed to do any catchphrases because it's just the opening of SNL and whatever band is playing in the cast and that kind of stuff. You're not allowed to do any body facial or anything. And there's no costume anything and no prosthetics. We would just listen to the beginning of SNL and try to figure it out. It could probably be a fun little parlor game to see who in the room sort of buzzed in first and said. Especially as he started to get deep into the repertoire. And look, I'm sure he does 25, maybe 50 people pretty well. It's once a week and you do reruns. You could get through a whole season without repeating a voice. And then season two, just mix them up.

[Allison Rosen]

I like that idea.

[Bald Brian]

I would fucking listen for that. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

They should do that.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Like you just, oh, what's Al Gore?

[Adam Carolla]

Al Gore.

[Bald Brian]

You know? But it'd be fun. It'd be interesting. Just listen. You probably have to close your eyes and just.

[Allison Rosen]

Dawson, why don't you do that on this show?

[Dawson]

Because I am a one trick pony. I sound like me.

[David Wild]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Just hash your number one hasher. Number two.

[Dawson]

Right. And then superstone. And then minorly.

[Bald Brian]

Exactly. All right, let's do one more.

[Allison Rosen]

E says Fashion Police will continue. I know you've been wondering. I know you guys are huge. Fashion finally exhale. They're like, what's gonna happen to. I know your favorite segment is Bitch stole my look. So now you know. E says it will continue. They have Melissa Rivers blessing. It'll return next January, starting with the Golden Globes coverage. However, E has not commented on what the lineup is going to be. Kelly Osborne will be there, but not clear whether Rivers will be replaced or not.

[Bald Brian]

Mm. Fat Kelly Osbourne or skinny Kelly Osbourne? Which Kelly Osborne?

[Allison Rosen]

I think right now we're looking at a skinny Kelly Osbourne with lavender hair.

[Brian Bishop]

I believe she's cursed with a very round face. What I mean is, like, she can lose all the weight she wants. She'll still have a very round face.

[Bald Brian]

You should tell her that. It'll give her an eating disorder. An excuse to never diet again.

[Brian Bishop]

That wouldn't be a good reason to. Oh, you're being sarcastic.

[Allison Rosen]

I like her. How do you guys feel about her? Seems like you're not so enthusiastic as I am.

[Bald Brian]

There's a part of me that likes the Osbournes because they're just rich and they just say whatever the fuck they want whenever they fucking want to say it, and they don't care. So I like that. There's another part of her that's grew up a little privileged and, you know, I've not had many run ins with her look, I like brassy and ballsy and fun and all that kind of stuff. All I recall is my famous love line, World War II. Back and forth with her when she was explaining she was an expert at World War II and then did not know who fought in World War II. And I kept saying, well, then you don't know much about World War II. And she was like, that's a trick question. And I was like, it's not a trick question. It's the most basic of questions.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a follow up question.

[Bald Brian]

And Dr. Drew, because he's a dickhead and he was uncomfortable, kept wanting to move on. Like, he just kept going, okay, well, maybe it's a trick question, maybe it's not. Let's just get to the phone lines. And I said, no, you just did 20 minutes on what an expert you were in World War II. And I asked you who Ally and Axis fighters were, who was fighting each other simply. And we didn't have to go deep into China and Australia. Just give me the main four or five. She literally could not do it. And I said, well, then you're not an expert in World War II. And she was like, yes, I am. And I was like, no, you're not. And she's like. And Drew was like, look, maybe she's okay. She says she's an expert. I'm moving forward. I was like, like, no. So I may be a dickhead.

[Brian Bishop]

You're a man of principle.

[Allison Rosen]

The point was this good that you settled her hash.

[Bald Brian]

I simply brought up the topic that chicks don't know a lot about war. They're not into it. I have talked to women, a lot of actresses for somewhere they'll go, oh, I grew up. Where'd you grow up? All over the place. What'd you do? I was a Navy brat. What'd your dad do? Oh, he was a. I don't know. He flew F. I don't know, 18s or something. He flew F. 18s? Yeah. Yeah. Did what? Oh, and, you know, landed on the. He was like an aircraft carrier guy. He flew F18s off an aircraft carrier? Like, I'd be wearing the jacket with the patches and shit on it. And they're like, yeah, it's something over Hanoi, I don't remember. And it's just like, they're not into it. So I was just saying that. And she's like, I'm into it. I watch the History Channel every night with my dad and we watch World War II and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, okay, you may be the exception to the rule. And I bought it because, like, if Ozzie was sort of born just after the Blitz and everything, and she sat with dad and watched every night. All right, but I still have to test you by asking a couple of simple questions. You know, who fought in the war?

[Allison Rosen]

You think that really has anything to do with it?

[Brian Bishop]

What does that prove?

[Bald Brian]

That was Drew's tone. And I was like, shut the fuck up, Drew. And. And I get a lot of this, like, why are we arguing? Why are we arguing? We are arguing because I trotted out a very simple premise and you shit all over it. Now I'm asking you a follow up question and you're not able to answer it yet you would like to cling to your first premise, which is shitting on my premise. And I will not let you cling to that. No more than if Ball Bryan said he's an expert in Major League Baseball. And I said, who won the World Series two years ago or something. And he just went, oh. And I just went, as a National American League, the Giants, you know, and he just went, oh, it's not important

[Brian Bishop]

if I know that or not.

[Bald Brian]

That's my point. We're not getting into obscure things about, you know, who has the most stand up doubles or anything. This was very basic. So look, she was young at the time, I don't know, 17. So, you know, and growing up, how she grew up, who the fuck can blame anybody? And I said many times, imagine what a fucking mess we would all be if we grew up. Whatever our sense of entitlement or how we thought the world should correspond with us and translate to us and work with us. If you just grew up with that, like in a castle with Beverly in Beverly Hills. And your dad.

[Allison Rosen]

I've seen the show. I know.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And your dad is your dad. Like, who the fuck knows what we would all be. You know those people where you go, if that guy. You know those people you keep in your head where you go, if that person was famous, they'd be a fucking total dick or cunt. Like, you gotta be a fucking mess. Like, Brian would be off the. God willing, anybody.

[Brian Bishop]

I hope you have a chance.

[Bald Brian]

No, but I always go, like, if that guy had just a little bit of juice. I know guys I like. I'm friends with them. I love those guys. But I go, if that guy had some juice, he'd be dangerous. He'd be a hard guy to hang around with. Well, imagine you're just born into the. Swimming into that juice, you know, but ballsy. Not sure what she brings to the table. Is she funny?

[Allison Rosen]

She can be funny.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, I think then I approve. Is she Melissa Rivers funny on the show?

[Allison Rosen]

From what I've seen of it, she's. It seems like on the show they allowed Joan Rivers to be the funny one. All the other ones just kind of offered honest input about the fashion. And then Joan Rivers would make. Would do all the zingers. So I don't know how it's.

[Bald Brian]

I have seen those shows and you don't have to be an expert at anything. You just go, yeah, that dress looked better than that dress. There's no. You don't need a background in it at all.

[Allison Rosen]

Occasionally they would wildly disagree about the clothing, and that created just a lot of heat for song.

[Bald Brian]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen's ibit. Cunt Bitch stole my look.

[Dawson]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Bald Brian]

Ah, Pella. Your old windows and doors, man, they gotta go. They're drafty, they're noisy. They let in all the heat in the summer and all the cold during the winter. And they're dated, baby. You call Pella? I called Pella. The pros come out to your house, help you choose the right windows and doors, and they do factor in your budget as well. They got double glaze, they got triple glaze. Keeps a lot of the sound out. I love that part. You team up with professional installers and they can complete the project in as little as a day. So one guy comes out, they do all the measurements, they make all the stuff. Custom. Boom. They come back as little as a day, swap out windows and doors. Special offer. They can schedule free consult. You can do it today. Do it like I did. Get 40% off qualifying Pella installations or special financing. Certain restrictions apply. Let's get this offer going. Look, this is the best thing you can do for your house. Pella.com Visit pella.com Adam that's pella.com Adam Dawson.

[Dawson]

The Pella Care guarantee. Your Pella windows and doors and their installation, including labor, are covered for up to 10 years. See pella.com for details.

[Bald Brian]

All right, I want to thank David Wild for coming in here, and I want to thank you guys. Go to corolladrinks.com and check out the new bottles for Mangria. If you like us, we'll see you tonight in Ventura at the Crown Plaza. Come say hi and we'll sign some crap for you and hang out a little after the show. And thank you so much for clicking through on Amazon and bookmarking. Until next time, Adam Crowla for David Wild, Allison Rosen, and Bald Brian saying, mahalo. Hey, end war. Now I'm gonna go a stranger. All right, that's Adam Coloso.

[David Wild]

14:17. Coming up next, we have Adam Colosho, 337. This is just five episodes into the format switch. Featuring Doug Benson, Teresa Strask. With Brian Bishop from 2010.

[Bald Brian]

At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[David Wild]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Bald Brian]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. Truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV stream now. Pay never. Oh. Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, Love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that they're also. You know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out. But if I can't, I go to O'Reilly. And they got all the stuff there, mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer. But my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free, and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right. Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today

[Dawson]

or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam. The most misspelled man on the Internet.

[Bald Brian]

Adam Carolla, yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on Mandate. Get it on. Thank you all for listening. We do appreciate it. Everyone is back. As you know by now, we're doing a better version, what we think will be a better version of our former morning show that so many of you miss. And we appreciate you guys all tuning in. And we're not asking you to do anything. No subscription fees, no donations. The only thing we ask you to do is if you like what you hear or you enjoy the show and you know someone who's got a good sense of humor and likes a bestiality story every once in a while. Well, by cracky, turn them onto the show. That's all you need to do.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe they like a Germany or Florida.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. Or a totally topical TiVo trivia, which we'll play with a hopefully very stoned Doug Benson.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there any other kind?

[Bald Brian]

Good to see you, Theresa Strasser, Good to see you. And of course, you, bald Brian. Always great to be in your presence.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, speaking of seeing you, true story. I got home last night and I had a Klondike bar. Sugar free.

[Bald Brian]

Really.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I get an email from producer Angie. Have you seen this Klondike thing? I click on YouTube and there's you in a very funny Klondike. It's not really commercial because it's Klondike of extended.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it's extended dance commercial. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Extended dance remix, which I think is now we're posting on AdamCarla.com uh, huh? It's very funny.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, it is. You like it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like when you pick up the old lady.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it was funny. I said, well, I don't want to step on the joke for everybody, but I've worked with enough old horrible actresses and actors. Old people, midgets and old people can't act. One of the one. Basically, nobody can act. Act is what I've sort of learned. Or if you can't act, you can, but if you can't, you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

I've never given someone an acting note. Had them take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Ozzy. Oh, no, no.

[Bald Brian]

He even.

[Adam Carolla]

He couldn't take it.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Bald Brian]

Ozzy.

[Adam Carolla]

Jab.

[Bald Brian]

No yob. Say yob. Ozzy. Say yob.

[Adam Carolla]

Jab.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. The point. Point is, it's usually. It's sort of like this. If you have to give someone an acting note, it usually means they aren't good enough to take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Bald Brian]

So I've gotten many discussions with the elderly when we're doing the man show about things they did and didn't want to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

When we were doing the bit where I was trying to f. My mom, the actress who played my mom didn't know what the bit was about until the very end when we were French kissing on my bed. Yeah. Long story. Anyway, this one, I did ask her to repeat a line at the end. See, sort of the button. And she said, how should I know? She said, that's my mom. She said, could I say this instead? And the old Adam would have done a. I'll tell you what, let's do it both ways. And I would have used the one that I wanted originally.

[Adam Carolla]

Humor her.

[Bald Brian]

I would humor her or I would say, here's why we think this is a stronger choice. But when she said, can I do this one instead? I said no. And she went, okay. And we moved on.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Klondike Lady.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I thought this a better way to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Much better.

[Bald Brian]

Stop fucking explaining to everyone why they should do it your way comedically and just say no.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I'm sorry I didn't see this bit, but you actually did make out with an elderly woman.

[Bald Brian]

We did a bit on the man show, season one that was supposed to be for Jimmy that Matt Silverstein, the super fucked up guy, did Drawn Together.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Every once in a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he would have come up with that.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. He came with one about me just wanting to fuck my mom. And it was for Jimmy, but Jimmy said, I don't want to do a bit where I try to Fuck my mom. And I said, wow, man, this guy's a fucking Mormon. All of a sudden he's Mr. Uptight. And there's a certain. When your parents, Like, I guess there's a certain freedom you have when your parents are dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

Or practically.

[Adam Carolla]

Or dead inside or dead.

[Bald Brian]

Dead to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

Dead in the sense that they don't have cable or they don't give a shit. I mean, you really have to think about, like, poor Jimmy. Jimmy can't talk about certain shit because his mom tivos every show. Or fuck TiVo, she's watching every night.

[Adam Carolla]

He could never do a bit with where he fucks his mother. She's gonna see it and it's gonna be very.

[Bald Brian]

Maybe he could get blown by his mom, but I don't think. Penetration, right? No, he couldn't. I mean. And I wouldn't either. Like, I mean, wouldn't you kind of be thinking about it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, of course. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, how many times I call my dad a spineless pussy?

[Adam Carolla]

Too numerous to count.

[Bald Brian]

Right. The point is, is I couldn't do it if he listened to the show. Although, ironically, I wouldn't do it if he did listen to the show because I wouldn't need to do it because we wouldn't have that kind of relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

Relationship be a different person.

[Bald Brian]

Right? Oh, great. But I knew no one in my family had cable, and if they did have cable, they wouldn't watch the band show anyway. And Jimmy knew that everyone in his family would watch cable. And besides, he didn't want to. I think he's. He didn't like the idea of his mom. Although his mom's pretty hot. Joan's hot.

[Adam Carolla]

And Freud does say that it's yearning in every man.

[Bald Brian]

Never met my mom. I shouldn't introduce you. So the point is, I said, yeah, sounds funny. Because there's a great line in it. We do it sort of documentary style where I'm getting excited for my date and I say, I know my mom likes me, but does she like me? Like me?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good line.

[Bald Brian]

It's a good line. Super creepy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, super creepy. Edgy.

[Bald Brian]

And we actually. There's a couple weird things that happened. My mom called me at my work while we were writing it or getting ready to go shoot it. And it was funny because we're all in the room sort of talking about it. Like, the phone rang. I was like, oh, hi, Mom. And everyone started laughing. And then she said, you know, what's going on? I said, oh, we're just talking about you. We're just doing a bit about you, you know. And she said, oh, really? And then she said, what's the bit? And I said, said it's an homage to you mother. And she said, oh. And then we hung up the phone. And then about two weeks later, she said, I looked up the word homage. Thank you very much.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, that is so sweet. And yet she is dumb.

[Bald Brian]

With no cables, no way to go through life. How would I know that she looked up homage. She's 68. You had to look up homage.

[Adam Carolla]

It took her two weeks, but she did it.

[Bald Brian]

She don't have a computer. Should take a donkey to a library.

[Brian Bishop]

Cue the ass kiss rodeo theme. But that was my favorite man show sketch of all time.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Play it on yourself. Why don't you ever hit yourself? You know what I mean? You gotta turn the gun to yourself. There you go.

[Doug Benson]

Kiss ass kiss rodeo.

[Bald Brian]

So I did the bit and we shot it at a carnival. We shot it on the beach or I had to say, get naked on the beach. I had to make out with this woman on my bed. And she was, you know, 60 and you know, Matt Silverstein's yelling, more tongue, more tongue.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, she's not too bad.

[Bald Brian]

It's bad when you're 34 and you're feeling pretty good about yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what, like, how was she for 60? I mean, did she look alright?

[Bald Brian]

She was fine. It's just she was an actress. She didn't know what was going on and she didn't really find out to the end. And, you know, we were asking her to do sexual things with me, who was supposed to be her son.

[Adam Carolla]

You think your agent would have filled her in? You know, that's the kind of thing you want to know before you show up for the gig.

[Bald Brian]

I had my shirt off in bed. I was like listening. We're like under the covers. I was smoking. Like it was, it was. I was naked on the beach. I was wearing these like little Danskin things that they tiled out my chunk. And standing in front of her, like, it was really humiliating. But the point is Jimmy wouldn't do the bit. And I said, you know, bring it on. I like a challenge. And we actually shot where I went to go pick her up at my dad's old house. And my dad was home and he didn't play my dad. We had a guy play my dad who was another actor, which is funny. There's a thing that I think I'm going to look forward to as I get older, which is the blurring of reality and fantasy where you're not exactly sure what's going on and when it's going on. And we hired a guy to play my dad. He was an actor, probably 72 years old. And he had to, like, go, hey, son. And when he came to the door, I was like, me and Mommy are going out alone. Alone. You know? And he was like, hey, what's the problem, son? And I'm like, you're not gonna ruin it for me, old man. Now get your ass back in the house or kick your ass back in the house. And the actor who was playing my dad felt threatened and frightened, Right? Because he's old and he doesn't understand. Oh, no, he was scared, actually. Or. I'm a very convincing actor. But the point is, is I was. I was yelling at him. And in his sort of feeble mind, I was just some young, imposing guy who was yelling at him. Oh. Meanwhile, my dad is sitting in the living room 10ft away, hearing me yell, listen, Dad, I don't need you. Now get in the house or kick your ass. You know? And probably wondering what the fuck I'm going.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello.

[Bald Brian]

Thank God he didn't have cable either.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if he had played the part, he would have had to have spoken his lines through the trumpet.

[Bald Brian]

I forgot what that sounds. Who used to do that?

[Adam Carolla]

Joel McHale. McHale, you guys.

[Bald Brian]

Hey, boy. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Entire conversations where he would just.

[Bald Brian]

Brian, you think you could do Joel McHale's? Hey, dad, I'm thinking about getting married. Dad, you know, I want you to come to one of my high school football games. Well, listen, Patrick Duffy will have another sitcom. You can watch it on Friday night. Listen, I like Knott's Landing as much as the next guy. Dad, the game is over by 9. 30. Knots landing doesn't start until 10.

[Brian Bishop]

You realize my brain tumor makes my lips numb, right?

[Bald Brian]

Keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

You're doing it pretty well.

[Bald Brian]

Doing a good job.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Bald Brian]

Sorry. Dynasty. Dad, listen, have your wife. Can't she tape it? All right? I'm just saying, you could walk to the high school game across the street.

[Adam Carolla]

He does that through the trumpet too.

[Bald Brian]

Why don't we get Joel in here? We'll have to have him talk through my dad's mouthpiece.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Joel's had a meteoric rise. I know it's hard to get him

[Bald Brian]

in too big to talk through Dad's mouthpiece anymore. So where was I? Yeah. So it's effing my mom. How'd that get me to what we're talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this Would be a great time for a Mangrate.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. I want to talk about one of our sponsors. You've heard me talk about it before. Mangrate.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Talk to Evan over at Mangrate earlier today. Here's the story. The guy had a restaurant. He bought a restaurant. He was converting it. It was like a steakhouse. He had a huge iron grill in the back.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, great.

[Bald Brian]

And the beauty of guys is, like, they can't throw that stuff away, right? So he took it home and he put it on his grill. Now, his charcoal grill or his propane grill already had a grill, but it was a crappy stainless steel coat hanger style. He put the big, heavy cast iron one on there. And then all the stakes magically came out insanely good. And all the other cuts and all the, you know, the chicken and the fish. And then he actually built his own grate. The man grateful. It's 100% cast iron, by the way. It says you spray it down with Pam and then you heat it up and you burn it off for like half an hour, and then it's ready to rock and roll. But he said you can put frozen steaks on there, you can put frozen pizza on there. It's just, if you're into grilling, this is the next level. Forget about the marinades. Forget about all the brining and soaking and all that stuff. It's the grill. It's a big chunk of beautiful American made cast iron. These guys do it. They do it here in America. They employ people here. Nothing's outsourced or monpan. The guy is. The guy's insanely enthusiastic about his product that he essentially invented. So 25% off. Go to the banner AdamCarolla.com Good Father's Day gift, but let's get on it. And again, their sponsor. I wouldn't steer you wrong. Let's do them right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're right.

[Brian Bishop]

The pill gets you wrapped up in the marinades and the rub and everything. Get a good grill. If it's man grate, I need salt and pepper grille.

[Bald Brian]

That's what he was telling me about. And it all made sense. Instead of cooking the thing with hot air, he said cooking like on a propane grill is like cooking a steak with a hairdryer. This heats up the grill to 500 degrees and you drop it right on there. All right, so what did I want to complain about? T, you got the news? I got a situation that I saw, actually, I saw it on tmz of all Places. And then I went and YouTubed it and I just thought, how fucking pathetic is this city? And what have we come to as a society? And when are the people going to start wrestling back our society, especially Los Angeles? This would never work in Texas. When are we going to wrestle it back from the man? I was talking. I was out to lunch with a friend of mine today and I said, you know, it's weird what we've done. Just dig this vibe. For every modern convenience we have now, for every cell phone and aforementioned hair dryer and washing machine and automobile, all the shit that we have that makes life just from your childhood, from your childhood to now, the thing that makes, you know, things that no longer have to pull over and use a payphone.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God, a Thomas guide. I can now use my GPS for

[Bald Brian]

every one thing that has made our life that much more efficient and that much faster. We have actually deputized a $8 an hour guy to fuck with us and slow us down. You know, I mean, it's like, all right, you save a lot of phone, a lot of time on your cell phone, but then you go to the airport and you get in the fucking security line for an hour and a half, you have to take your belt off and do all that shit. Just think about all the chicken shit and all the nonsense and all the parking guys and all the bullshit and all that. Just all the nonsense and bullshits and inspectors and all the hoops you have to go through and just your general everyday life. Just what it's going to take to register something or buy something and take it to the DMV or do whatever it is. So it seems like for every 10 minutes we've shaved off, we've added 15 minutes of bullshit on. And there's no place that's worse than this than Santa Monica. Santa Monica, as I've said many times, easy on bumps, tough on taxpayers. They rape the fuck out of their citizens. If you live or drive through Santa Monica, they see a sack of money. They don't see a Toyota Camry going down the street. They say, Brinks truck and potential revenue. And they just pull everyone over and they fuck with people. Everyone I know has gotten a ticket in a Santa Monica municipal.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my only moving violation I've ever

[Bald Brian]

gotten in Santa Monica. It's Burbanker Santa Monica. Anyone who's ever gotten a JP Walking ticket got it in Burbank. Moving violations, Santa Monica. And many people have parked in the municipal parking structures, gone back to their car and said, Wait a minute. I paid for parking. Or there's money in the meter and still found a ticket on their car. Well, could be expired tabs, could be no front license plate. Could be an illegal tint. It could be one of many things. See, what they do, it's kind of interesting. They say, hey, you want to hang out in Santa Monica? Here, come park in our parking. Come park in our structure. It's five stories high. And then you park there. And then the meter maid circles the place and writes every other car a ticket. Not for an expired meter, but for anything else under the sun they want to ticket you with.

[Adam Carolla]

You're just a sitting duck in there.

[Bald Brian]

And they invite you into the van and then they pounce on you. Okay, so I was watching this. This happened on ktla. KTLA is a local station out here. And they were doing one of their morning shows where it's like, hey, cool cars to drive for the summer. And they went up to the roof of the Santa Monica parking structure and they laid the cars out. Now, as you'll hear, and we'll watch it, they paid to get into the parking structure, but I'm sure they took the cars and it was empty. I'm describing it in case you can't see it, the roof, as often times it is when there's five stores, the top will be empty. It was in the middle of the week, in the middle of the day, people park in the shade underneath on the second floor. So they went up to the roof, they took all the cars. And I'm sure what they did is they kind of positioned them one, you know, door to door at such an angle where the sun was probably hitting them just right. And then the field reporter and the car expert guy were going to walk along the hoods of the cars and say, this would be fun. If you're single, this be a fun one to take down the grapevine and go up to Big Sur with and blah, blah, blah. And as they're doing a live piece, you know, they throw to it from. From.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the anchor desk throws to the piece live in the field.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Well, in the background, tickets were being written. So let's just watch. Just watch in stunned belief and see how our fucking founding fathers would have. I'm just curious. When we hear this and watch this, just think what the founding fathers would have thought of this. Let's be honest. This is the kind of vehicle that a lot of people should have bought when they were all going crazy buying big SUVs because it's got all the space you need. Great fuel efficiency, reliable. I mean, Subaru is one of the only car companies is actually up in down times. And where should we go with this one? This vehicle here, this is where you want to take to like the Sasquatch Music festival or Bonnaroo or something like this. By the way, it's a Subaru Outback. You should be honest and go, listen, if you eat pussy, this and you. And you have a. This is your car. You like this for a road trip? Well, you know, if you're going to take a road trip to up to Monterey, they're asking. I don't know how we've paid for parking. I have receipts. But that's okay, we'll figure it out. Friendly Santa Monica. Okay. I'm sorry, where we going? There's a meter made riding tickets for the cars that are just parked, you know, Santa Monica. There you go. So let's say we're going to roll up to a Monterey to see the opera show. Okay. The Concord. What's this is now she's walking into the picture and handing a ticket to someone who's doing a live.

[Adam Carolla]

He has a microphone in her hand and there's a camera.

[Bald Brian]

I Stop it. We had pause for a second. Can't we fire that cunt? Who's her fucking supervisor? Why are we firing her? These people work for a local TV station. I'm sure they pay millions of dollars in taxes every year. Their ktla. They've come to your city to film something. They're in the middle of doing a live fucking shot and you're writing tickets for the five cars that are lined up behind them and interrupting their fucking business.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

Shouldn't she be reprimanded and fired? Who's her supervisor?

[Adam Carolla]

Let's find out. Because she couldn't have waited. Now I used to be a field reporter on the news. These live shots are generally three to four minutes. So could she have not waited three minutes? If she did, she have to walk into the shot and get rid of a ticket.

[Bald Brian]

Three to four would be a. Yeah, four minutes would be on the long side of one of these throws.

[Adam Carolla]

A minute and a half hit.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they'll do that thing where it's like Teresa Strasser's down at the county fair. Teresa, what's going on over there? Who likes cotton candy? And then you throw it back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's pretty much what I did. You're at the circus, you're at an ice cream factory, whatever. Yeah, so. So this and by the way you've got a satellite truck for a live shot, which is. In other words, it's not confusing what's happening.

[Bald Brian]

She's holding a mic and doing an interview, right?

[Adam Carolla]

There's. There's probably a cameraman, there's probably an audio guy, and it's probably producer. So there's probably an entire crew there.

[Bald Brian]

There's. It probably at least five people there and multiple vans. And they've set up and they've paid for parking, but somehow they're parked in

[Adam Carolla]

the wrong spot and it's unclear or

[Bald Brian]

there's no front license plate on the.

[Adam Carolla]

On the vehicle.

[Bald Brian]

Pan American, Porsche. They're dealer cars or something.

[Adam Carolla]

They're just essentially private cops in this story about cars.

[Bald Brian]

But I love the fact that in the middle of the fucking shoot while they're doing a live throw, she's handing her a ticket.

[Adam Carolla]

Who would do that?

[Bald Brian]

A cunt would do it.

[Brian Bishop]

She's grandstanding.

[Bald Brian]

And the thing is, is I would like her fired, but I also would like her fucking supervisor to fire her. This thing is spun out of fucking control. You people work for us. You don't. We don't employ you to annoy us. You're to.

[Doug Benson]

Supposed.

[Bald Brian]

Supposed to work with us. Parking enforcement. Is there really. When they do that thing where they, you know, it's rush hour and they need two lanes open and there's one person parked there and it says no parking between, you know, 3pm and 6pm tow that car. It's a nuisance. This. All the. This is why everyone is leaving California, by the way. You do nothing but pay taxes, and you have some asshole who gets 41k a year. I know it sounds like a lot bull, Brian, but it's not. Not Rockefeller.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that.

[David Wild]

Your ass.

[Bald Brian]

All right, let's continue the tape.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. And let me play devil's advocate here.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's why you should not be mad at that woman. Well, he should be mad, but she's less mad at her and more mad at, say, the manager of the parking structure who didn't clear all this and get them to back off for two minutes and say, hey, we're doing a live video shoot here.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I don't think they could have anticipated that you could have roped it off.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't you sense, though, this woman's glee

[Bald Brian]

that's handing out the tickets, she is taking a certain amount of pleasure in ruining these guys live shot. All right, keep rolling. Because she's not done with one car, she's gonna continue.

[Brian Bishop]

There we go.

[Bald Brian]

All right. I'm sorry, you were saying?

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

So kids are desperate for money, honey. Let me see how much this is. 50 bucks. That's what they do. That's about right. Okay. We're just getting started here. That's okay. There you go. Go ahead. So anyway, we're going. Chile's got this. Because we appreciate you coming out and publicizing Santa Monica. That's 500 bucks. We're saving money for customers by showing the right cars, but then we got to spend money. All right. Yes. So now we're going to Monterey. We're going to the. Obviously, they've interrupted their whole scene.

[Adam Carolla]

They gamely try to pick it up.

[Bald Brian]

She's in the background looking at riding a ticket for the next guy. Here, let us give you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, ma'.

[Bald Brian]

Am. Do a favor, go talk to that

[Adam Carolla]

traffic officer real quick because she does understand that you're doing a segment and you have paid for your.

[Bald Brian]

Understand? She does understand. Well, let me. All right, she's on number three. Ma', am, Michaela Pereira wants to know that you know, we're on the air. She can't talk. She can write out chicken tickets. Their hand falls off, but she can't talk. Get on the air, cunt. You spineless.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you getting a ticket?

[Bald Brian]

She's going off to the fourth car, by the way. She's not. She's not leaving. She's going on to the fourth car. Our fabulous news director gave me money to pay for parking, which is in a. And so we have parking paid for. But you got that right. We're gonna have to ask for some more. So wait, let me give you some information.

[David Wild]

Hey, folks, you too can visit the

[Bald Brian]

city of Santa Monica. It's an awesome town. It's a very friendly place. All right, now let me give you some information while she continues to write. What it Take a book, James. All right, let me say this. First off, oh, God, I wish I was that reporter because somebody should have launched on a fucking 20 minute tirade about what a piece of shit Santa Monica is and what a cunt that parking enforcement.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought Gail Anderson did a decent job because she did acknowledge it was happening. And then the anchors did a good job of saying because she couldn't see that it was going on behind her, that they were continuing to write her tickets.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, but they did not do a thorough enough job in tearing Santa Monica a new asshole. That place is now. Really? And here's how it works, by the way. That bitch just wrote out five tickets and all five of them were 50 bucks a pop. And let me explain how KTLA gets their money back. If in fact they'd like to fight those tickets. There's a whole thing where you're gonna have to go down, you're gonna have to fill something out, then you have to wait for something in the mail. I'm sure you'll have to pay for the ticket in advance. And then they'll review the thing you filled out and then maybe they'll refund your money. Except for they never fucking will. And we all can't afford to quit our fucking jobs to deal with your chicken shit nonsense. I'm so fucking tired of this city. All they do is fucking hassle taxpayers. And listen, there needs to be a fucking revolt against Santa Monica. Fuck Arizona. Let's boycott Santa Monica. Jesus Christ, they're much more dangerous than Arizona is. They're fucking trying to enforce the laws that are already on the fucking books in Arizona. But God forbid you go to Santa Monica and you try to shoot a live thing at and that cunt is in the fucking live shoot. Listen, we got to do a little. We got to do a little. We got to do a little recon work and we have to find out who she is.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is. She's got to get suspended colleagues or somebody. No, no, her colleagues wouldn't narc her out, but maybe somebody who knows her will recognize her. And I think this is getting a lot of hits on YouTube.

[Bald Brian]

And let me just say this to all the people who do the first off to the apologist.

[Adam Carolla]

It's her job. She needs a job.

[Bald Brian]

Shut the fuck up, you mother fucking apologist. Fucking spineless piles of fucking cat excrement. Shut up. She doesn't have to go to the fucking roof and hand out chicken shit tickets for fucking three minute live throw, you fucking assholes. So shut up. God damn. She could stand next. Wait, do you think she's going to get fired?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Bald Brian]

Do you think someone's going to get a bonus? Hey, I was watching. You think her supervisor is going to be saying, hey, I was watching KTLA this morning and someone's on the roof of one of our municipal parking strikers. And I didn't see you handing out a ticket during their three minute live feed? No. So all the people who apologize for this fucking witch, you shut the fuck up. And then secondly, the people who do that. She's just doing her job.

[Adam Carolla]

She just.

[Bald Brian]

No, she's not. The job is not to harass and interrupt. The job is to make society safer. And yes, it's to make the city of Santa Monica money In a reasonable fashion, Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they established at Nuremberg that when you're taking orders, but those orders are unethical and immoral, you're still responsible.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. So we need to find out this witch's name and we need to get hold of her supervisor and we need to have her shit canned.

[Adam Carolla]

After the first ticket, the reporter explains to her we've paid to park here.

[Teresa Strasser]

Here.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now go away.

[Bald Brian]

How about you take your cunty ass and drag it out of the frame? You're going to walk back into the frame again and continue to hand out tickets.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think she just wanted her moment in the spotlight?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, not when they put the mic up to her.

[Adam Carolla]

Then suddenly she had nothing to say.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, and by the way, and let

[Adam Carolla]

me explain something, and we're paying her.

[Bald Brian]

We know she's a passive aggressive. Oh, of course we know it. Yeah, we know she is a. A fucking passive aggressive cunt. She has to be. There's not a person with a decent bone in their fucking body that would do something like that. We know that. Right, Right. All right. We need to find out who she is and we need to get her fucking shit canned.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not begrudging all meter maids.

[Bald Brian]

No, no, I begrudge all of them. I begrudge all of them.

[Adam Carolla]

I begrudge her. You saw, there was no need for her to give out a ticket within that three minute period. That was.

[Bald Brian]

Is just obviously, by the way, they were 41 seconds into it when she walked up and handed the ticket. So I don't even know, didn't make it to the three minute mark. I'm just saying that Santa Monica, everyone, that's la. That's where we're all heading over here. So you people in Oregon and you people in Texas, especially in other places where, and let me just say this, and I know Teresa disagrees with this vehemently. This, to me is what I worry about. I don't worry about the Patriot Act. I worry about this. This is the part where our fucking civil liberties are being taken away. It's this. I don't care about the part where they listen in on my cell phone calls. That doesn't cost me money. And I'm not in Al Qaeda, so I don't give a fuck. These cunts cost me actual money. And this is where. This, to me is a much more dangerous sort of precursor of where we're going as a society. And it just, just makes me want to pack up a marijuana.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I understand California's broke. But I really don't understand why we don't just legalize marijuana and earn some money from the taxes

[Bald Brian]

again. It's so easy to fix. I really just, I just feel like, I feel like we're, we're getting dumber. Does it feel like we're getting dumber as a society?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we talked about the idiocracy thing. People having a lot of kids, right? Necessarily the smartest.

[Bald Brian]

All right, the point is this. Well, we got to find out her name and then we got to try to get her fired. Carolla's excited. Doesn't she need to be fired?

[Adam Carolla]

Or at least a good shaming.

[Bald Brian]

Okay. I mean, maybe we can't get her

[Adam Carolla]

fired, but I think it's shaming. So. Okay, if you live in Santa Monica and you've seen this woman on YouTube and you can identify her.

[Bald Brian]

I just want to talk to her supervisor and try to get her shit king.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I believe she was out of line.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And she deserves to be. If not fired, she deserves to be reprimanded.

[Bald Brian]

Listen, it's harassment. And as I've said many, many times before, forget about the birth of my twins and marriage and my. I don't know if I mentioned it this show yet. My all leak plaque from high school, greatest day of my life, was driving my car through Santa Monica with my cardboard plate on the back of the car. And by the way, in, in three and a half months, I will be turning my car in after a four year lease with the piece of cardboard license plate that I still have on it from McKenna Audi in God knows where. I was driving down Wilshire Boulevard through Santa Monica and a motorcycle cop was coming at, at me and he said no front license plate. He could see I had no front license plate. And I looked in my rear view and I saw the motorcycle cop hook a ue. Would have been nice if he got clipped. That would have been awesome. But he hooked a ue and he came right up on me. And when you drive by a motorcycle cop and it's just you and the motorcycle cop and he's coming the other way and you see him hook a UE in your rear view, you are getting pulled over 100% of the time. But you want to know what that retard pussy saw my cardboard plate and he said he still got the dealer thing on there. That's why he doesn't need the front license plate. And he peeled off. Now, of course, my real license plate were floating around in my trunk for a year and a Half before that. Fuck you, Santa Monica. Kiss my fucking hairy, sweaty, salty balls, you fucking communists. God, do I.

[Dawson]

Good times.

[Bald Brian]

And let me say something else. My buddy. My writing partner, Kevin Hench.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I told him, listen, salty, sweaty.

[Bald Brian]

No, when you get a car, don't ever put the plates on. Don't ever put the plates on. Just have that cardboard dealer plate. Not the one that says dealer, the one that says the name of the dealer that's made out of cardboard that's on the back of the thing. So he said, yeah, I'll do it. So he went to, like, Infinity and in Burbank, Infiniti, and he got his next car. And I said, leave that thing on there. And about four months later, he got pulled over. Not doing anything. Just pulled over on his way to his job where he pays his taxes. And the cop said, you know what? I could see that dealer plate was faded. I could see the yellow. I could see it was aged. It's been on the car too long. And he took a certain amount of pride in that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he was doing police work.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Investigating.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Yeah. You're fucking. Yeah, you should be on the fucking SWAT team, you pussy. Jesus Christ. And by the way, I was at a restaurant yesterday and ran into a whole bunch of LAPD's finest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And took a picture with them. And they said, we don't write chicken shit tickets.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Bald Brian]

And I thought, you know what? It gives a pink eye to the whole department when you do that. Because imagine you're a cop and think about this. I was talking to someone about this. Just dig this vibe for a second. What did you think of cops when you grew up? Like, when I thought of cops growing up, I thought of guys firing their guns, sliding across hoods like, yelling, freeze. And no time for backup. And now I think of cops and I think of chicken shit tickets.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, most of our exposure to cops is from being pulled over now, right?

[Bald Brian]

Back in the day, like when I was a kid and. And, you know, granted, a lot of it was just from watching Starsky and Hutch and, you know, you know, what's that fucking show with Shatner in it? Oh, McKenna.

[Doug Benson]

No.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, TJ Hooker, TJ Hooker.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's chips.

[Bald Brian]

I've written chips. And TJ Hooker and all that kind of stuff. All right, but just dig this vibe. I grew up thinking of cops as big, burly guys who took down gang bangers and who thwarted armed robberies. Now when I think of the lapd, I just think of chicken Shit tickets. They've managed to turn their organization from this to that. And I'm sure my kids will think of them as assholes who hand out chicken shit tickets to the people that pay their fucking salaries.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, or they might think of them as people who beat down black motorists.

[Bald Brian]

Let's pray. Let us pray. You know what? Don't jinx it from your mouth at God's ears, Steve.

[Adam Carolla]

I know I did. With the cops in my neighborhood when I grew up. You felt safe when you saw one. You thought, oh, great, there's a cop there.

[Bald Brian]

As opposed to, oh, shit, I'm gonna get a fucking ticket for an illegal tint.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Bald Brian]

All right, well, anyway, let's find this chick's name and see if we can get her fired. Is that cruel? Is that excessive?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I hope she doesn't turn out to be like a single mother of five or something, but I. I don't. Again, I don't begrudge her having a job.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's.

[Bald Brian]

I begrudge. I begrudge all meter maids for taking that job. Yes, I do. That's a compliment. I've done nothing in your life.

[Adam Carolla]

I see where you're coming from.

[Bald Brian]

You ruined people's lives for a living. Do you know any decent person that could do that for a living?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Bald Brian]

There's your answer. Fuck them. No, fuck them. They've taken the easy way out. I mean, you know, he talked about Nuremberg and, you know, German soldiers and just following orders.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is a fair comparison?

[Bald Brian]

Absolutely. Well, listen, you're going to compare Arizona laws to it, you certainly can do Santa Monica.

[Adam Carolla]

Fascist state of Santa Monica.

[Bald Brian]

Meter maid. Meter maids. No, I will say this. No one recruited them. They volunteered. And they willfully signed up to do this for a living, not because they were interested in saving lives. It's one thing if you're a cop and you go, listen, I want to make a difference. I want to bring down some perps. And the next thing you know, your commander saying, look, buddy, you got five years of handing out fucking chicken shit tickets to guys who have expired tabs. And then maybe we'll put you on the crash unit and you can go down to South Central, okay? That's one thing. Like, you sign up to be a cop. You can sign up to be a fireman and say, I want to save lives and pull a lot of cats out of trees, right? But at least your impetus. At least you signed up for this reason. Meter made you want to change lives. What do you think you're gonna be doing? Delivering A lot of babies on the side of the road. You'll be ruining people's day.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you're going to be standing by the meter when there's two minutes left,

[Bald Brian]

just waiting, praying, oh, that 120 seconds can't go by fast enough for your fucking lazy ass. All I'm saying is, is if you sign up to be a meter maid, you know exactly what you're doing. You nobody. All right? No one's in high school and says, I want to be a meter maid.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Bald Brian]

Did you go to one? There was a one person in your graduating class who announced that to the world. Hey, I'd like to be a meter maid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When I was a little girl, it was either ballerina or meter maid.

[Bald Brian]

For me. It was pirate or meter mate or astronaut. Pirate. Meter made. It went meter made. Pirate. Astronaut. Yeah. The point is this. No. Nobody aspires to be a meter maid. And nobody thinks they're going to make a difference being a meter mate. You've copped out. You've copped out. You've literally said, I can't fucking. I can't make an omelet and I can't drive an ambulance. And fuck it, I'm gonna be a meter maid.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna bring misery to people's lives.

[Bald Brian]

I have immense miles. More respect for a garbage man.

[Adam Carolla]

I was just thinking that that is a hard day's work and you're actually doing a service for somebody. You know, it's nice. They come and they take your trash.

[Bald Brian]

We should not. We should. Here's my point. We should all be conscientious objectors. There should be nobody who's willing to be a meter mate.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh.

[Bald Brian]

There should just be no pool to draw from.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Brian]

There should be nothing. And by the way, it's the supervisor's fault because. Let me. Let me just. Let me just. Just dig this vibe for a second. Of course there's quotas. Of course. These people are being pushed hard to write as many tickets and ring the taxpayers for as much fucking hard earned tax money or hard earned cash as they possibly can ring them for. Of course, Eric, here's my example. Let's look at every single other job that involves the city and city employment, right? Okay. When you go down to the building and safety department, is it a beehive of activity or is it a bunch of fat fucking lazy fuck sitting around drinking coffee telling you to take a number? We'll get to you when we get to you. You have to use so many cuss words. I went to the fucking. I went to the Department of Building Safety in Van Nuys, and my old house had this historical designation. It was an X on it, like a red X. When the guy pulled up the city schematic, and he said, you got a historical designation on your house, you got to go downtown and go to a special plan check. And I said, you know what? I know the answer to that. That's the wall. There's a big, weird retaining wall called a Mulholland wall that goes around it. That was. They were designated as landmarks some years ago. But it's not the house. I'm remodeling the kitchen. That's the wall. And he said, there's a red X on it, and that means you got to go down to downtown. And I said to the guy, I know it's not the house. It's the wall that's around the house, which doesn't count. How about you call the guy and he'll clarify this, and then we could just go ahead and push this process through. And he said, I can't do that. You got to go down there. And Because I've told the story before, I got my car, fought traffic, paid for parking, went up to the fifth floor, pulled a ticket, got in line two hours later, walked up the thing. Guy pulled schematic, saw the red X, and he said, well, this is for the retaining wall. And I said, yeah, I know. And he said, why didn't the guy call me? Now, that's a city employee. He's not going to take 90 seconds of his time to save me three hours of my time. By the way, we should have been filming. When I went back six months later to pull a permit, the guy pulled the X out again in Van Nuys and said, you got to go down to downtown. And I said, oh, no, I don't. No, no, I do not. And that was the greatest moment of my life. And the guy said, go pick up the phone and call him right now. And he said, I can't. I said, bullshit. Do your job. Pick up that phone. And he went and he called the guy, and they didn't pick up. And I said. He said, well, what do you want me to do now? And I said, I'm gonna write you a check, and you're gonna send me the fucking permit when you call him in the morning and I'm leaving. And he said, you gotta come back in the morning. I said, I'm not coming back. And I forced it through. The point is, they're lazy sacks of shit, so Everyone who works for the dmv. Fucking Epstein Barr virus infected tree sloths, right? With AIDS and Department of Building and Safety. Laziest fucks on the planet. And everybody in the city. Laziest fucks on the planet except for one group. What group is that?

[Adam Carolla]

Meter maids.

[Bald Brian]

Meter maids. Now, if these guys were just regular city employees, you would see these guys in their fucking right hand drive Chevettes with the seat lean back and them napping all over the fucking. They'd be littered all over. These guys just be smoking and napping and reading comic books in their cars, right? They would be out hustling. Nobody hustles for the city unless somebody forces them to hustle. There'd be a meter made in front of you and behind you every time you drove through. In and out burger. If these guys. In fact, if somebody just said, hey, man, listen, here's your beat. West la. Look, if you see a car parked and expired, you know, meter or in the red, write him a ticket. If not, what are you going to do? What would that guy do? Being a typical city employee, he'd be at home fucking his girlfriend, right? He wouldn't be in the car. The fact that these guys run around, well, that means there's some kind of incentive, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just say that you worked at the DMV and your supervisor said today you're gonna have to give out 100 licenses. So you better hurry up, because at the end of the day, I want you to have given out 100 licenses. Taking the photos, filled out the paperwork. Go.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't. You don't get your bonus unless 100

[Bald Brian]

people, they don't do that at DMV, right? No, they don't. That supervisor speech. Here it is. Hey, listen, people, hold on. Settle in. Gather around. Somebody left their cup of noodles in the microwave, okay? And I've told you time and time again, unless you put your initials on, I'm gonna have to throw that out. Now, I ate it, but next time I'm throwing it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, people, one more thing. If you're gonna burn the popcorn, the smell does linger.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's bad.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, hold on. Let me have a talk with you. Aquanetta. Yeah. Come here. Yeah. Sizzling Aquanetta and Nutella. Come here. I want to talk to you for a second. Your attitudes have been less than poor. And I'm really gonna need you to step it up. I saw one of you smile the other day through that mirror.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I have a twist, witch. I. It was not a Smile.

[Bald Brian]

Listen, excuses. Like everyone has one. They all stink. I, I saw, I.

[Adam Carolla]

And I had a stroke. And that side of my face surely

[Bald Brian]

over overheard you telling someone to have a good day.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I said have your way. Because what I meant was. Listen, I said, nichella, I said, what is the date?

[Bald Brian]

Talk to the head.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know.

[Bald Brian]

Listen, let's get out there. Listen, when I was a young. When I was a young employee working the counter and dealing with the public, sometimes I'd be in a good mood.

[Adam Carolla]

You did?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. You know what I did?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Bald Brian]

Put a tack in my shoe. Now get out there and start scaring the paying public.

[Adam Carolla]

But just every now and again, someone's really friendly and they, and they, and they. They tell me to have a nice day. So I want to say back with you too.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you have a nice day. The next person you'll be telling me, have a nice day, I'll be in the unemployment line. Now get the fuck out there and start scaring the public. Who pays your. Pays your way. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Gonna borrow 10.

[Bald Brian]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys realize there's a fantastic reality show about. About meter maids.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's called parking wars on A E. Yeah, you guys should watch. You go crazy. You're nuts.

[Bald Brian]

I love the fact that some guy decided to be like the meter fairy and feed quarters into and then, like, arrested the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I do that.

[Bald Brian]

I do it too.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so fun.

[Bald Brian]

The idea, you know, you want to talk about the city being on the take that some good samaritan could walk up and down Melrose and toss quarters into meters. And we decide that that's illegal.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a random act of kindness.

[Bald Brian]

That's illegal.

[Adam Carolla]

And it fucks the man.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, except for they made it illegal. Yeah, which just goes to show they're all about the money. Listen, anyone who's a meat or maid is within the sound of my voice should kill themselves. Have some fucking dignity. Your life is right wasted, by the way. You're doing nothing. You know what I mean? You have nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, we here also need a revenue stream because we don't write tickets.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, we have a commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, really? I wish we could write some tickets. Adam, you get a ticket for being too funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to pull you over.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Ah, yes, our good friends at zero one media center. What do they do? They soup porn your computer. Well, they'll sell you a computer that's souped up, or they'll soup up one you have. Or they'll fix your apple computer, they'll fix your ipod. They'll fix your iPhones. You don't throw that stuff away. Get them to fix it for you. You tell them Ace sent you, and you call them at 310-651-8488. They gave Donnie the supercomputer that we used to do this show, and they'll customize it. What they'll do is they'll customize you a supercomputer for film, tv, music, whatever industry you're into. Why not specialize people? You want to do your own podcast, good. Tell our buddies at 01 Media center do it for you. And again, they're sponsor, so let's be nice to the people that are nice to us. 3, 10, 6, 5, 1, 8, 4, 8, 8. T. Do you got some news, by the way?

[Adam Carolla]

I do.

[Bald Brian]

Let's hear it

[Dawson]

from the international news center next to Donnie's minibikes. This is is the news with Teresa Strasser.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of new information coming out about Gary Coleman. First of all, he was no longer married to Shannon Price. They divorced nearly two years ago, raising issues about her authority to make final medical decisions on Gary's behalf. This according to TMZ. TMZ also obtained the 911 call that was made by Shannon Price when Gary. Gary Coleman took the fall that would eventually kill him.

[Bald Brian]

Can I say this? I know I say it every time the 911 calls. Why are these public record? I just feel like it's one of the most intimate things you could possibly have in its own weird way. Like you saying that your spouse is dying. Like, literally some of the last words, you know, could there be anything more intrusive than that? You know what I mean? This is more intrusive in a weird, cosmic way than a bootleg sex video.

[Adam Carolla]

It's death. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

It's the ultimate sex video, right? It's death.

[Adam Carolla]

It's death.

[Bald Brian]

It's a sex video that's tough to beat off, too. It's death. Or, you know, better for some.

[Adam Carolla]

For some. For some, you're right. I mean, you hear 911 calls of birth sometimes. Like, somebody's giving birth in the, you know, at home, and it came on suddenly, and that couldn't be more personal or private.

[Bald Brian]

I'm just confused about our laws. Like, you know, I can't walk into the aforementioned DMV and ask Nichilla, hey, go ahead and pull up Teresa Strasser's records. I want to find out where she lives. Like, they'd be like, we can't hand that Stuff out. We don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Freedom of Information Act, I guess these 911 calls, anyone has access, it just doesn't feel.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know, to me, it feels intrusive. And, you know, everyone always makes those arguments where they're like, hey, man, if you do that thing, like, they have this Good Samaritan laws. Like, hey, if you enact those good Samaritan laws, and people will be reluctant to call the cops because they feel like, well, I could get arrested for calling the cops or whatever it is. And they'll do it. Like, if. You know what they'll do it for? If somebody ever suggests. Look, if you call in a. A 911 call, that's sort of bullshit. Like, Corolla's throwing a party and you're calling 911. You should be fine. They go, well, you can't do that, because then what if someone's being stabbed and murdered in the alley, you're scared it's going to cost you $189. It's ridiculous. But as if I were a celebrity. If I were Jimmy Kimmel, I'm going to call him a celebrity.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. That's fair.

[Bald Brian]

And, you know, cousin Sal had gotten hold of a bad pot brownie or something. Right. And was freaking out a little. I would think twice about calling 91 1. Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you know it's gonna get out.

[Bald Brian]

I wouldn't want to be on TMZ the next day. And thus cousin Sal could od.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Bald Brian]

Although he just. He just drinks. Yoo hoo. But, you know, he doesn't. He doesn't do any drugs.

[Adam Carolla]

But if he did, theoretically.

[Bald Brian]

It'd be a lightweight. Yeah. I'm saying. Don't you. You know what I mean? Going to prevent.

[Doug Benson]

I.

[Bald Brian]

If I had a celebrity friend who was, like, doing something or freaked out or ODing or whatever, I'd be really reluctant to call.

[Adam Carolla]

Weren't there 911 calls about O.J. simpson from.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nicole Domestic.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was getting violent with her or showing up at her door.

[Bald Brian]

He's gonna kill me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Inadmissible, by the way. Neither here nor there. There.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Bunch of recordings of your wife yelling, he's going to kill me shortly before he does kill you. But neither.

[Adam Carolla]

How's that related to the case?

[Bald Brian]

Were you kidding?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not like they found blood and fiber.

[Bald Brian]

Oh. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway.

[Doug Benson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you probably don't want to hear the call then?

[Bald Brian]

I'd like to hear it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah. 892 East. In what city? San, uh.

[Bald Brian]

That was it.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's the problem. Tell me what's happened. I just saw my. I had my husband go meet me some food downstairs. He just got home. I heard this big bang. I went downstairs, blood everywhere. I don't know if he's okay. I'm not down there right now because I have seizures. If I get stressed out, I'm gonna seize. Okay. What do you know what happened? He fell. Head is bloody. There's blood all over the floor. I don't know what happened. I really don't know what happened. I just did the best and I went down there. He's on the floor. What type of thing? Huh? What type of thing? What type of what? What type of thing? Like, would they have like a crash? Like myel. Like you fell? Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Hey, you're writing a book. How about you send over an ambulance?

[Teresa Strasser]

Because I don't even know if he's like going to be alive because there's a lot of blood on the floor. Is there any way you can go down there at all? I'll try. I don't know. I mean, I can't. How old is it? Husband. Okay, but somebody else is taking out the ambulance. I'm going to stay on the line with you, okay? Yeah. Is there anyone out there with you that can go downstairs? No. Okay. I've just been kind of sick and, you know, like, I don't want to be traumatized right now. No, he was like bubbling at the mouth and stuff. He's breathing.

[Bald Brian]

Stop it for a second. Let me say this for a second. First off, I'd make a horrible 911 operator because I'd be like, teresa, you'd probably be worse than me. She'd be like, so are you alone at the house? You'd be hurt. You alone at the house?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's just me.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, so he's bleeding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's bleeding. He's gushing blood from the head.

[Bald Brian]

Well, how do you know he wasn't attacked by like a, you know, crowbar wielding maniac who's still in the house? I mean, you thought he fell, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I heard a loud crash.

[Bald Brian]

Well, that could have been the crowbar hitting his head.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nobody here in the house. He's gushing blood.

[Bald Brian]

Do you know that if you checked all the doors and windows, there's nobody.

[Adam Carolla]

Could you just send an ambulance?

[Bald Brian]

Hold on. This phone call's coming from inside the house.

[Adam Carolla]

It turned into the babysitter.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it did, didn't it? I would probably freak people out.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be inappropriate.

[Bald Brian]

I don't even like hearing those OnStar commercials.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I know.

[Bald Brian]

My husband fell asleep and ate a deer. All right, we're gonna stay on the phone with you right now. The airbag went off, broke his nose. All right. Is he conscious? Oh, I can't get out of the car. I don't like that. You know, I only hear him when I'm driving. Yeah, that's not like I'm ever sitting on my sofa hearing an OnStar commercial. They only play him on. On car radios, evidently.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah, they're not on the radio at home.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I've had moments where I've been driving, hearing, like, one of those live OnStar commercials. Like, I went off a drainage ditch, the car's upside down, I can't breathe. And at that very time, pulled up behind one of those Mexicans with the pickup truck that had the rest in peace. Chewy, you know, like a 1984-2003, and really wanted to kill myself. Like, I thought, well, Mexican guy died long for his time. And I got this chick, she's upside down in a drainage ditch. I'm gonna drive off a bridge.

[Adam Carolla]

Robert Guillaume.

[Bald Brian]

Robert.

[Adam Carolla]

You remember Robert Guillaume?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

He co starred with Gary Coleman in the Kid with the Broken Halo. You don't remember Benson?

[Bald Brian]

Everyone remembers.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Benson.

[Bald Brian]

Benson was awesome. He was the president's butler.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And that little anorexic was on there. Tracy Gold.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, she was on there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or maybe her sister.

[Bald Brian]

I think it was her sister.

[Adam Carolla]

Sister? Yeah, sister. The blonde.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why did we love that show?

[Bald Brian]

I didn't. I just know Robert Guillon is.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he said Gary was a dear friend. He was so enormously talented. His death saddens me beyond my ability to express. I can only hope that he finds the piece he so earnestly sought. I will miss him.

[Bald Brian]

We've talked about that. It's got to be rough being black because you have to go to the funeral. Jesse Jackson's got to go there.

[Adam Carolla]

Todd Bridges is gonna have to show up.

[Bald Brian]

Every black person is gonna have to show up to that thing. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You mean Magic Jonathan, yes or no?

[Bald Brian]

Might have to be there. Listen, we talked about. You brought up a fantastic point where I was saying, look, one of the many perks of being white is we don't have to go to people's funerals. I mean, look there. Look, if Jimmy dies, I gotta go to a funeral, but if Dane Cook dies, I don't have to go to his funeral just because he's white. And we both do comedy. Yeah, if I was black, I'd have to go. If he were black.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. When one of these Golden Girls died,

[Bald Brian]

this is a perfect example.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think any of the other ones showed up.

[Brian Bishop]

David Spade didn't go to Chris Farley's funeral.

[Bald Brian]

Well, he was, but he was too close to be fair. He was fucking an 18 year old

[Adam Carolla]

blonde at the time.

[Bald Brian]

At the time. At the time. Well, yeah, he was trying to fuck Julianne Hough.

[Brian Bishop]

It was too real.

[Bald Brian]

It was too real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The. Thanks for shitting on our point, by the way, Brad.

[Brian Bishop]

The white guys are not to go.

[Bald Brian]

I'm just. Oh, yeah, yeah, Good point. Yeah, that's a good point. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

He was making our point.

[Bald Brian]

You're making our point. Sorry. You can shit on me after the show. Thank you. Play something. Like something's gonna make me sound bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Come on. You know what? I'm gonna give you plenty of time. And now stop speaking. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. The Golden Girls. What else do you do that's wrong? The Golden Girls. When. When one of the Golden Girls died.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

The rest of them live in Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn't make it.

[Bald Brian]

They live in the hills of Hollywood. She was buried, I think in like the Hollywood Cemetery or something. It literally could have still Getty. As Del Getty died.

[Adam Carolla]

Rue McClanahan could basically see the funeral from her window, but couldn't make it.

[Bald Brian]

Literally. She could just get the emergency brake loose on her Lexus. She could have coasted down the hill to the fucking funeral and did not attend.

[Adam Carolla]

But to be fair, Betty White had a. I think maybe she had to get her skin checked for moles that day. Something important. Right. They kept her.

[Bald Brian]

The point is luncheon. If one of the guys. One of the guys. If the sixth man from the White Shadow dies and is being buried in Mississippi, every black Jamie Foxx has to hop on a plane.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. Michael Jackson. Jackson's funeral. I mean, every.

[Bald Brian]

At least it was in town, right? Yeah. So you know, Gary Coleman, it's gonna be rough. All the poor black people have to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Jamie Kennedy remembered Gary Coleman.

[Bald Brian]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they worked together on Bowfinger.

[Bald Brian]

Really well.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary Coleman was a security guard on that film.

[Doug Benson]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

And Jamie Kennedy said, it's gotta be.

[Bald Brian]

It's gonna suck for Jamie Kennedy because like there's like Jamie Kennedy. Yeah. What do you think? What are you remembering now? I'm actually remembering tit. Fucking Jennifer Love Hewitt. All right, well, I need you to remember Gary Coleman for a minute. Ah, God damn it. Okay. Let's see. Worked as a security guard on. On Bowfinger. Now I'm going back to thinking about tfing Jennifer Lef Hewitt. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

And here he was a damn security guard. He was humble and sweet, sad. Now, quickly, because we'll finish up the news later. You know that celebrity rehab couldn't find enough alcoholics.

[Bald Brian]

I know. I went hiking with Dr. Drew a couple days back, and we got into it in depth, in between. He's such a good. He's such a better guy than me. He's so much better than I am. Because at a certain point, me. It was just me, Drew, and my son hiking down a trail, and there was some scrub and some bushes and some stuff that were about waist high for me and Drew. But for my son, it was hitting him in the face, and he was kind of like. And I was like, come on. Get a little. Lean into it. What do you think you'll be a model. Lean into it. And Drew doubled back and actually picked him up and held him. Held him up above the shrub and then set him down and then savagely raped him in the bushes.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but it's nice.

[Bald Brian]

But before that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice. Nice as you'd think Dr. Drew would be. He's nicer.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? From the sound of him. And when you see him do his

[Bald Brian]

empathy face, I was actually doing that thing where I was walking through the shrub, and they were whipping back and hitting my son in the face, and Drew circled around and picked him up and carried him out of harm's way.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, people used to make fun of the celebrity rehab, saying, well, they're not really celebrities.

[Bald Brian]

Well, they don't have any.

[Adam Carolla]

They can't get enough. They have. They have two on board. Tila Tequila and some guy from the hills.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And it wasn't in the show. The hills. He literally just lived in the hills.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Just some guy from the hills in a refrigerator box.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Around that brush. But Dr. Drew would pull the brush away.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And we're trying to figure it out. Like, he was saying, like, maybe they're gonna go with civilians. Maybe they're gonna mix some civilians in.

[Adam Carolla]

Personally, I think the process is interesting and would be just as compelling with civilians. And I noticed last time, it wasn't so much that they weren't. Weren't real celebrities. They weren't real addicts. Like on the sex addiction show, that Kendra. Whatever. Like, what was she addicted to? And then she was in sober house. I'm not sure she was.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. Yeah. The whole time, Dennis Rodman is like, I want to drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Brian]

Beer. Like pussy and beer.

[Adam Carolla]

They found celebrities, but they didn't really seem to be that addicted. They just needed a gig.

[Bald Brian]

Listen, let's be honest. It is a. It's a pretty serious catch 22, because it's hard to get celebrities to come out and do just lame award shows in Vegas. When you pay for their flight, their hotel, it's much harder to get them to do. So, obviously, just by definition, if you're a real celebrity, the first, you know, if you're Ben Affleck, the first thing you want is privacy. When it comes to your right, you're

[Adam Carolla]

gonna go to promises and hope that Danny Bonaduce doesn't spill the beans.

[Bald Brian]

You go somewhere in Malibu and dive second had smoke from Bonaduce. Yeah, that's what you're gonna do. Right? So, I mean, it doesn't surprise me that they're running out of celebs.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it doesn't. And the white whale, who they were really trying to get was Liza Minnelli.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

And TMZ reported that they were offering her, like, a shitload of money, and she said no. Now she's already sober, so they wanted. According to sources, they wanted to put her in the Gary Boy Busey slash Mackenzie Phillips position, where she's.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Sober one. That's shepherding the rest of the addicts.

[Bald Brian]

Right. All right, we should wrap this up and bring Doug Benson.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do it.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Teresa Strasser and the news. You cnn.

[Bald Brian]

All right, let's bring in Doug Benson. And while Donnie's talking to Doug out in the hall, I'm gonna Talk to Bill online 1. Bill, try it again. Let's see. Bill. Yeah. What's going on, Bill? We're bringing Doug Benson into the studio. Thank you. Oh, very cool. Well, this is going to start. This is going to start off bad, but it's going to end really well. So just bear with me for a second. All right. I never got a chance to listen to you guys on the radio. So when the podcast started, it was just a random coincidence that the day that I got my iPhone and started looking for podcasts to download was your very first day of podcast. And I've been very faithful ever since. But, Theresa, I hate to say it, initially, you drove me a little crazy. However, no one likes her for the first eight to 12 years. But then you learn to tolerate. No, the thing is, now that you've kind of gone to this kind of format, all the Time now, for the last six, eight months, I've just craved the day and date shows. I love them. And I really have grown to absolutely adore Teresa. And she's even more self deprecating than I am. So I just got to let her know you're hot. And let me say this, I would say in all sincerity, as much as you all hate Teresa, I guarantee she hates herself more.

[Adam Carolla]

Just feel good to know that there's no way you're more critical of me than I am of myself.

[Bald Brian]

Sleep, sleep, sleep like babies tonight. Because no matter how much you loathe her, no matter how much you hate her, how much she doesn't deserve to be on this podcast, realize that however you feel about her, all the vitriol, all the anger, all the ill will, all the ill will toward her and her family, all of it, all the spite, all of that, just go ahead and double that and then put it in the back back of a dump truck and toss it right into Theresa's belly. That's how she feels about herself.

[Adam Carolla]

No. You know how my voice is like a knife in your brain? Yeah. It's like an even sharper knife.

[Bald Brian]

You could never hate her as much as she hates her. Well, Adam, I've been a huge fan forever and also now Teresa and Bob Bryant, huge fans of you guys, too. And Teresa, this is how much I've grown to love you. I'm 40 years old, single, don't have any kids, and I can't wait for the parents an experiment every week. Thank you so much, Bill. And Bill, as we. Dude, are you gay? As we said at the top of the show, all we ask is that you turn on a few friends to the show because. All right, you're calling from Portland. I don't know what morning radio show they have in Portland that's better than this or they can call meter maids in Santa Monica cunts, but I guarantee they can't. So turn on a couple of friends and that's all we ask of you. Oh, no. Yeah, you're preaching to the choir. Because I'm kind of bordering on maybe possibly turning friends off because they. They give me a hard time that I don't have an original thought because kind of like you have what Adam can't complain about. I have. I can turn any conversation into something I heard on the Adam Corolla podcast that day. Sad but true. You're a homo. Thank you, Bill. We appreciate it. Let's not be rude to our guests.

[Brian Bishop]

He can't hear the drafts, Doug.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, he Can't. Doug. Doug Benson. Wow, everyone. Doug, great to see you, buddy.

[Doug Benson]

Nice to be here. Glad to see the whole team back together.

[Bald Brian]

My God. Can I talk to you about those Listerine little tongue things you put on that are filled with THC that I ate before I went and saw Sex in the City last week for my birthday? I was so high. Doug, there's so much information in that.

[Doug Benson]

In that last sentence that I want to. I want to cut through. Why would you see that movie on your birthday? Was the Lynette in charge of.

[Bald Brian]

I announced the activity. It started as a goof because I saw the first commercial about two months ago, and it said, Coming to theaters May 27th. Now, what's your birthday, Doug?

[Doug Benson]

July 2nd.

[Bald Brian]

July 2nd. So if you were sitting around with somebody and there was a movie that was gonna be huge and it said, come into theaters July 2, you just say, oh, it's my birthday. Like, and then as a joke, I said. Said, well, now I know what we're doing for my birthday, because my birthday is May 27th. So I said to my wife, now I know what we're doing for my birthday. And then I forgot about it. And then she promptly went and alerted everyone I knew that we're going to see Sex in the City. And at a certain point, I think they thought it was a goof, but sort of goof enough to do it. So, you know, Kimmel and Cousin Sal and everyone else got involved, and next thing you know, I just got really high and sat in the front row with a bunch of queens.

[Doug Benson]

Well, that's where I luck out is July 2nd. Every year there's. Almost every year there's a new Will Smith movie, so I don't have to sit through a chick flick on my birthday.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Doug Benson]

But then. So then you said, but if I'm gonna go see this, I gotta be high. And what's a great way to get high? Like, how did you get involved with the Listerine strips?

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody implicate anybody?

[Bald Brian]

I don't implicate anybody, but somebody who showed up in the group had a strip, pulled out one of these strips, and everyone just ate them.

[Doug Benson]

Everyone did.

[Bald Brian]

Well, to be fair, not everyone was there at the same time, but everyone in the first wave ate them.

[Doug Benson]

Okay.

[Bald Brian]

And I happen to get super high. And I don't know if you've eaten these things before.

[Doug Benson]

Well, they probably work fairly well if you use them regularly. But when you have an even had one before or probably any cannabis to speak of for a period of time.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, that knock you on your ass. I think it's a lot like double penetration if you're not a seasoned veteran basis. Right. You got to be ready for it. Take it. Take it all. You can't just wake up and have two guys in you. Yeah, it's the same thing. That's a lot like that. I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah.

[Doug Benson]

That's why those sleeping videos. The sleep. Those porn videos where dudes do stuff to women while they're sleeping.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Doug Benson]

They're never.

[Bald Brian]

No DP on those. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do those really exist?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they do.

[Doug Benson]

Where the idea is the girls pretending to sleep, I assume. I don't think they're really sleeping.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Doug Benson]

But they sleep through a.

[Adam Carolla]

But that must be some guy's fantasy

[Bald Brian]

to have more than one guy who the guy is.

[Doug Benson]

There's a whole site devoted to it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your thing, Doug.

[Bald Brian]

But.

[Doug Benson]

But no, it's not my thing. I'm just saying there's a lot of

[Bald Brian]

weird porn for Doug Benson.

[Adam Carolla]

It really does. Wide Awake porn isn't his thing.

[Bald Brian]

I can say, like, why does he

[Doug Benson]

have to be up through this?

[Bald Brian]

Doug, Doug. How about. I got a. I got a website that has some great rough trade if you like a little slap on the ass. I don't know. There's something a little more my speed, like where the chick's nodded off.

[Doug Benson]

The guy having sex with her isn't asleep.

[Adam Carolla]

He likes it when it's triple X, X and then three Z's.

[Bald Brian]

And the guy's like, you know what? I'm gonna come in here. This is gonna catch a, like, nap. And then. Then, yeah, the narcolepsy.

[Doug Benson]

Yawning ruins the sex talk.

[Bald Brian]

All right, but you have found napping porn.

[Doug Benson]

It's not. It's, you know, it's called whileyoursleeping.com or something like that. While she was sleeping and he stumbled upon. And it's. Well, I stumble upon a lot of porn.

[Bald Brian]

With your back out.

[Doug Benson]

But there's a. You know, there's just various places that you. You see when you're. When you're surfing.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a sub genre I had not heard of.

[Doug Benson]

Like, have you heard of the one about, you know, the girl's got glasses on and they spooge all over her

[Bald Brian]

glasses, I think it's called.

[Doug Benson]

Come on, her glasses. They're always very specific about what the thing is.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate that. Just call it what it is.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I'd be wearing a fucking welding mask, by the way. Glasses that Swifty Lazarus Glasses wouldn't be big enough for me. And they come on the glasses syndrome. Like, you know the website.

[Doug Benson]

Yeah, you'd be. I'd come on my helmet.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I'd do a website called Come on my Clan Hood. And I'd just be sitting there wearing the clan head with the welding shield over it. Hey, let me, let me. I'm gonna float something that I think is gonna be interesting. Interesting, Doug. Okay. You know, I've talked to many guys who are, you know, getting up there, you know, 40 plus in the age department. Middle age, getting around middle age. And yet single, you know, no kids, staying single. And Teresa, you know, you like to study psychology and sociology. There's something going on here. Here. In the past, guys would get married when they're 21, 23, whatever. What if those guys had a fucking full color flat screen worth of porn at their fingertips that was at their pad and the chick would be moving in and kind of interrupting that flow. Plus the fact when you're beating off to while you're asleep, you know, twice a day, you've lost a little bit of your eye. The tiger, like when you go out

[Adam Carolla]

there, it blunts your need to connect with actual women. But not only that, blunt is a word I use just for you.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, thank you. I feel like I would feel like I got a pretty good thing going on here. Like, I got a nice little routine going in. I eat a couple of pot lozenges, I go up to the Mac, I fire up a little narcolepsy porn. I smoke a joint, I do my thing. I wake up at noon. Like, like I got a pretty good thing going on here. Like, I don't want to this up. And if some chick moves in, I can't be whacking away all night to this stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's not going to want you to sleep.

[Doug Benson]

Well, I don't, I don't whack away all night.

[Bald Brian]

No, not all night.

[Doug Benson]

Rarely even do it late at night. I don't think I'm ready to sleep late at night.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but either, either way, I'm not trying to put you on the spot. No, I, I, but, but, but let's.

[Doug Benson]

I know what you're.

[Bald Brian]

I know what you're. Let's go back 200 years. Years. Yeah, let's go, let's go back 200 years ago. Look, if I don't get married, I'm not going to see a naked woman. The only way I can see a naked woman is to marry one. She may be ugly and have a Huge bush. But by cracking. She's good. That's how they spoke.

[Brian Bishop]

Dag.

[Bald Brian]

Burn it. She's going to dag government. She's going to be naked now. So now that was a pretty, pretty powerful motivation for a guy who's producing semen back in the day. Now I wonder if you took like a pioneer and he just went, look, here's a magic fucking computer screen. What are you into? He's like, I'm into Wagon wheel porn.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're like, good little house on the pussy.

[Bald Brian]

We got a site for that. We got a site for that. And they just went, I like to see hot chicks till in soil. We got a site for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Anything you want.

[Bald Brian]

Now all of a sudden you want to marry Matilda?

[Adam Carolla]

No, not too fast. I got my computer butter churning. Porn.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I wonder if it slowed things down a little bit.

[Doug Benson]

I don't know. Because, you know, certainly Internet porn's been available for over a decade and dudes are still getting married in their twenties like complete fools.

[Bald Brian]

I think it's. I would argue that the longer life expectancy and that general sort of interruption of hedonistic lifestyle. Well, I bet it's probably pushed. 25 years ago, the average age of a married, you know, newly married couple was 23 and four months. Yeah, it's probably creeping up a little one month, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, definitely.

[Doug Benson]

That's probably happening. But you know, in my case, it's lots of variables that come into play. Well, I'm on the road all the time. Yeah. You know, so that's like good. Yeah, Well, I mean that. But that's certainly. You take her with you, you get sick of each other because you're stuck in hotel rooms all the time and you have a job and she doesn't.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Doug Benson]

And she stays home and you leave. Then it becomes. It's all about how much I miss you. I miss you. You know, I wish you weren't on the road all the time.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it's.

[Doug Benson]

It's kind of a. Kind of a lose lose. As long as you're. If I was more. If I got like a TV show or something where I was just in LA all the time, then I think I would have succumbed to having a regular relationship.

[Bald Brian]

I can bang lots of hot hostesses. Fuck this. And whack off the sleeping porn.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the getting married later in life thing probably does have a lot to do with women entering the workforce. So maybe we don't want to get married as early because we're trying to have careers.

[Bald Brian]

We should mention, by the way, that you can go check out Benson Interrupted or the Benson Interruption, I should say, at Largo, which I did once or twice and enjoyed the shit out of it. Monday, June 14th. So check that out. Fun crowd. When I did it, I don't know, it was. Sarah Silverman was performing that night.

[Doug Benson]

She'll be there on the 14th, as will our friend Chris Hardwick.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Bald Brian]

And what's the Indian? Ansari was an sorry disease. An sorry. I mean. I mean, it would be a good lineup by almost any club standard on a Saturday night. This is Tuesday night usually, right. Mondays. Oh, Monday.

[Doug Benson]

Monday the 14th. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Pretty. Pretty damn good all star lineup that Doug has assembled for this very fun form of stand up where Doug sits there stone and interrupts your shit. But if you don't have any shit

[Adam Carolla]

like me, that's what the show.

[Bald Brian]

It's a welcome interruption. Yeah, it's really good.

[Doug Benson]

Yeah, it's my friends like kind of just working out new stuff or, you know, just goofing around and you interrupt like a mystery stage with a microphone.

[Bald Brian]

It's fun. But you know what it is for a guy like me? It was a stand up with training wheels. Big fat stone training wheels. You just go out there and you can, you can try doing. I hadn't done stand up in 15 years and I went out there and tried it because I knew Doug would be out on stage and we all fuck around and go back, back and forth with it. So it was a. It was a nice.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Doug Benson]

And you essentially do that in your. In your live shows. When you do a live show, you bring out your guests and then you just.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, go.

[Doug Benson]

Now what happens happens.

[Bald Brian]

Now we're doing no guests. Why are you interrupting me? It's me doing 90 minutes of nothing. But I have to thank Doug for enabling me to do it because I wouldn't have been comfortable just going to a club and doing 10 or 15 minutes alone. You do not interrupt me. Speaking of interruption, I think we have the totally topical TiVo trivia which Paul Bryan usually wins. But Doug Benson, it's got a. It's got a full. Full tank asleep worth him and an empty shack, evidently. So maybe he.

[Doug Benson]

We played it on the. On the film vault.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, you did?

[Doug Benson]

Anderson and Brian and I played and Anderson was not very good at it and. And Brian and I tied. But there were like two or three movies where we didn't even know it ever after hearing the whole thing.

[Brian Bishop]

It was a bizarre game.

[Bald Brian]

Very Right.

[Brian Bishop]

There were several ones that Went the entire description. And then we didn't know.

[Doug Benson]

None of us knew it.

[Bald Brian]

This is actual. The actual TiVo description minus the name of the celebrity. And you yell out your name when you think you know the name of the film.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, we do.

[Dawson]

Let's play Totally topical T Bone trivia time.

[Bald Brian]

Today,

[Dawson]

a wishing machine turns a boy into adam Big from 1988.

[David Wild]

It is big.

[Doug Benson]

I didn't know we were playing already.

[Brian Bishop]

You got a free one. Corolla. I was distracted. I thought Dawson's voice coming out of the computer.

[Bald Brian]

I was freaked out for a second. Yeah, you normally would get a beat before you start there. Dawson.

[Brian Bishop]

You got a free one.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I don't know why. Oh, boy. I didn't know what was going on either. Wilco to topical.

[Doug Benson]

A boy turns into a what?

[Bald Brian]

Adam was ready to play. How come I was not like Dawson? I rehearsed. I haven't even seen right on it

[Doug Benson]

since I walked in the building.

[Bald Brian]

I didn't even know he was here. Great.

[Dawson]

Hello, Doug.

[Bald Brian]

Hello.

[Dawson]

Shall we move on?

[Bald Brian]

Shall we? Shall?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm ready.

[Dawson]

Two hit men. A boxer.

[Bald Brian]

Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Pulp Fictions.

[David Wild]

1994.

[Dawson]

It is Pulp Fiction.

[Bald Brian]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Bald Brian]

As soon as said a box.

[Adam Carolla]

God, that was good.

[Dawson]

A brain surgeon finds true love.

[Doug Benson]

Doug.

[Bald Brian]

Man with two brains from 1980. Wow. All right. Doug's one, Paul Bryan's one. Adam's one.

[Dawson]

T0 suspicions of child abuse.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Dawson]

Sleepers fuel a traditionalist nun's personal. From 2008.

[Bald Brian]

It is doubt. That was for you. We didn't see that.

[Adam Carolla]

I did see it. Wrong.

[Bald Brian]

All right.

[Dawson]

A psychiatrist believes a patient.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian. A sixth sense.

[Dawson]

Who claims to be a time Traveler sent to 1996 to prevent a virulent holocaust.

[Bald Brian]

That's it. Yes. One more. One more time. Brian's out.

[Dawson]

The psychiatrist believes a patient who claims to be a time Traveler sent to 1996.

[Bald Brian]

All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna try one. One. The 12 Monkeys from 1995. Not 11 Monkeys. Not 13 Monkeys. Get the out of Denver.

[Doug Benson]

12 Monkeys. That's another awesome website. If you get a chance.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they awake?

[Bald Brian]

12 sleep. Wow. I've never heard of a script I didn't know.

[Doug Benson]

And there's a word in there. Believes something and then believes a patient.

[Dawson]

The psych. The psychiatrist believes a patient believes that it's real.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. Okay, I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dawson]

Doug has two, Brian has one, and Adam has two.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait. What about me? Has anyone ever come back from.

[Dawson]

So there's no marks next to T on this thing.

[Bald Brian]

So stupid.

[Brian Bishop]

Big's Gonna decide this game.

[Dawson]

Near the end of the Gulf War.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Dawson]

Three Kings from 1990.

[Bald Brian]

Nice one.

[Dawson]

All right, two way tie.

[Bald Brian]

Top five war films argue with that. Wow. All right.

[Dawson]

A reporter, a producer and an anchorman. Teresa, broadcast news from 1987. A trucker, Adam.

[Bald Brian]

Over the top and a lawyer thug. I get half a point for that.

[Dawson]

Become trapped in a sorcerer's empire beneath San Francisco's Chinatown.

[Doug Benson]

Oh, I know it now.

[Bald Brian]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Big trouble.

[Dawson]

Little China from 1986. Isn't he supposed to buzz in with his name first?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I'll let him have it.

[Doug Benson]

A little question mark that. Big trouble. Kurt Russell.

[Dawson]

Brian has three, Adam has two, Doug has two. T is on the board with one.

[Bald Brian]

All right, how many do you have left?

[Dawson]

One, two, three, Four. Four.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

All I know is I wasn't allowed to see that movie.

[Dawson]

A girl who was conceived as a marrow donor for her. The other sister, for her gravely ill sister, goes to court.

[Bald Brian]

My sister's keeper from 2009. I was gonna say DC cab.

[Adam Carolla]

I had that name.

[Bald Brian]

They put some girl movies in this one. Jesus Christ. How many saw that movie? Doug? How gay of you. I didn't see it, but I remember

[Doug Benson]

the bone marrow part.

[Dawson]

A zany summer camp counselor, Adam.

[Bald Brian]

Meatballs.

[Dawson]

1979. It is meatballs.

[Bald Brian]

Are we three? Three and three.

[Dawson]

Three and three.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God. How many left? Two.

[Dawson]

I have two.

[Bald Brian]

T. You're even wrong about that.

[Dawson]

To carry out her plan of revenge, an unhinged woman charms a Seattle couple into hiring her as Doug.

[Brian Bishop]

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle.

[Bald Brian]

From 1992.

[Dawson]

It is the Hand that rocks the Cradle. If Adam or Doug get this next one, we can force the two way tie. A space hero and his team of do gooders.

[Bald Brian]

Two gooders.

[Brian Bishop]

Armageddon.

[Bald Brian]

Now battle.

[Dawson]

Dr. Lizardo.

[Bald Brian]

Doug.

[Doug Benson]

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai.

[Dawson]

There's a longer title.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, in the fifth dimension. Okay. Wow. Okay, so wow.

[Doug Benson]

The second there I was like, how

[Bald Brian]

could that be wrong? Watches those shitty films. All right, so now it's Doug and Brian are tied. Right? Doug and Brian. I said we got a tiebreaker here. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's call. Let's call it off.

[Bald Brian]

All right. Tiebreaker. That's me. Last time we had a tie, a

[Dawson]

one handed salesman, an Amish farm boy, Doug.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, I know this kingpin from 1996.

[Dawson]

It is kingpin.

[Bald Brian]

Congratulations, everybody. Yay.

[Adam Carolla]

For me, when I hear Amish, I just think it has to be witness.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Doug Benson]

Or kingpin.

[Bald Brian]

Wow.

[Doug Benson]

Pretty nerds.

[Bald Brian]

That was awesome. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a tour de force.

[Bald Brian]

You did a nice job as well. Dawson wants to say something. Dawson, you want to say something or just pound on the glass?

[Dawson]

I was just telling Brian we have an outro.

[Bald Brian]

Outro? Yeah, he's too dejected. Play the outro.

[Dawson]

Tune in for more totally topical TiVo trivia time tomorrow or T. Tuesday.

[Bald Brian]

Brian's like Michael Jordan. If he doesn't win, he just passed the whole weekend. He's ruined. Hey, T bone, but don't forget to play the intro for some more news. Doug Benson, sit in with us. Let's hear the second part of the news. T. How about that baby girl?

[Dawson]

From the international news center next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Theresa Strasser.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, there's a horrible shooting spree in England, but that is not going to cheer Brian up, so I will not start with that. This will. This is a. I can't even do a Germany or Florida. It's just gonna have to be which part of Florida.

[Allison Rosen]

Cheer up and be excited.

[Adam Carolla]

Angered that drive thru workers at a Wendy's botched her order, a Florida woman stormed the Daytona beat. Oh, I gave away the. Say the Daytona beach restaurant this. This morning tried to tase an employee with a stun gun.

[Brian Bishop]

Daytona Beach.

[Bald Brian]

That say Brian first.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. But we'll give it to you. Melanie's Reed20 reportedly became enraged after fast food workers failed to provide her with the requisite number of mustard and mayonnaise packets.

[Bald Brian]

Don't chase me, bro. Don't chase me. Do you reckon request a certain amount or is there a certain amount Understood that you're. That you get.

[Adam Carolla]

Apparently this woman requested certain amount. She. When she did not receive it, she became angered and there was an argument. She called him and faggot.

[Bald Brian]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Drive thru guy. Yeah, this from the smoking gun. According to a affidavit prepared by the cops, she attempted to slap the guy but he was to able. Able to deflect her hand. At that point, witnesses told cops that she and her associate exited their red PT Cruiser and entered the Wendy's. While inside armed with a pink cheetah brand stun gun. She chased the guy around the kitchen employee area of the restaurant with the taser turned on and making the electric noises.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, these Jews completely out of hand. Somebody has to say what their people cruisers. And there's. Hello kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Stun guns. It was recovered from one of these women's purses.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, this is a great. Definitely not a Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, speaking of.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, this.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, couple things. The ketchup packet, the the fact that we're all putting these things in our mouths and tearing open to them and they're shipped over in container ships from China and God knows where else. What? Shouldn't all ketchup packets now be in the sort of McNugget style, rip the top off dipping sauce thing? Is it insane that it's 2010 and we're still ripping into those things and milking them with our fingers? And then how about the worst one ever? When you get the Kiko man, you get the. You get the sauce, get the soy sauce, you tear in there, it goes all over in your mouth. That's. That's a good day. It's all over your blouse is a bad day. What are we doing? Why don't we not have containers? Talking about you. But why do we put stuff in it? Why? Should not be in a pouch. Liquid should not be. We're not putting things in the right container. Like every time I go to a decent hotel and they have the little, hey, make your own coffee in your room. And you tear into the foil pack at the top. It always tears down and it tears the little bag that the coffee's in and split, fills all over the place. There shouldn't be ketchup packets or mustard packets anymore. They should have those little things that the McNugget stuff comes in. McNuggets have been around for 20 years. They should have changed the day they came out. And it's easier to dip a fry. You don't have to milk it onto the box.

[Doug Benson]

Well, that's what I do is I just get the barbecue sauce at McDonald's and dip the fry.

[Bald Brian]

Dip the fry into there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Heinz has them, but they still don't have them when you go. It's probably surplus from like Korea.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you mentioned definitely not a Jew. And Mike lynch sent me this story saying he wishes we were still doing that because he feels that there's a very small chance this man is a Jew. The headline of this story is sword wielding porn actor kills one, hurts two.

[Bald Brian]

We have. Yeah. It's out of Van Nuys, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hometowner Police were searching Wednesday for a porn actor suspected of killing one colleague and injuring two others with a sword like movie prop after he was evicted from a production studio where he had been living, of course, in Van Nuys.

[Bald Brian]

Mm. Picturesque, beautiful Van Nuys.

[Adam Carolla]

He'd been told earlier to leave the studio and apparently he snapped, went off, stabbed a couple people with this sword prop.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And one person fatally. He fled with the weapon in an suv.

[Bald Brian]

You can't tell people earlier to leave. You wait till the end of the day. Because every time, every one of these stories starts with earlier he was asked to leave at some point over the course evening, he returned, this time with a samurai sword and a machete. But I'm saying I wait till the end of the day and then I tell the person to leave, then they can go sleep on it. Don't do it at the early part of the day. They always return and with something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think there's some day of the week that they normally lay people off. I can't remember if it's Monday. So they don't have the weekend to get upset and stew. Or Friday.

[Bald Brian]

Friday's a good layoff day.

[Doug Benson]

Gives them the whole weekend to not find their sword.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, exactly. So this gentleman with the prop sword, according to the editor in chief of Adult Industry News, who had met this man, he seemed like an okay guy who was trying very hard to get recognized and get his name out there. He carried around pictures of himself in hardcore action, and he would always want to show them to me.

[Bald Brian]

I got that. Definitely not a Jew. It's got to be super confusing. So he killed somebody, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he injured two others.

[Bald Brian]

And this guy killed. Probably has a family and some kids or whatever. What's going to be weird? Like 75 years from now or 100 years from now when this guy's great grandkids are talking about him. Like, how did your great grandfather die? Oh, he was stabbed with a sword back in the old country. No, Van Nuys. Like a duel over somebody's. What did he do? Somebody dishonored his woman. No. Guy did gay porn in the turn of the century. 18. No, no. 2010. With a sword. It's got to be confusing. Like I always say, the same thing's going to happen when Jay Leno dies in a steam car in 2016. The history Some guy's going to write. Some students could be writing a paper on him in like 2050, and he finally met his demise behind the wheel of a Stanley Steamer. And his teacher's going to be like, you mean hovercraft? No, he was T boned by hovercraft, but he was driving a steam car. It's going to be very confusing. Think about your death. If it's not done in a timely, it should be something that fits the time. You don't want to be killed in a steam car by a sword. You know, it'd be like, Doug Benson dies in a dirigible. Accident. We'd have no idea. When you die.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's an anachronistic death.

[Bald Brian]

200 years from now. It's like Doug Benson, one of the greatest. One of the greatest comics the 18th century had ever produced. You know, we wouldn't know.

[Doug Benson]

That's why I avoid dirigibles.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. In general, you'd want to choke on an ipod or something. You know, something that was of its time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, just like now you get. Somebody killed you, but they killed you with a musket. Be confusing for your. For your family.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Or if you died of some disease like tuberculosis. Does anybody still.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, Consumption, Consumption. I'm just saying, when somebody does that family tree thing 500 years from now and they find out that this great, great grandfather was a porn star, died by sword, they'd be like, wait a minute. They didn't have cameras, weren't invented back then. It's gonna be very confusing.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely. This particular porn company specializes in niche films that include napping. Nap porn. That would be glasses. I mean, if you had a nap porn with a sword, I mean, you really got something. This company specializes in scenes of women sexually abusing men.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, okay.

[Doug Benson]

I'd watch that.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's the news.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Wow, Teresa. That was quick.

[Dawson]

Teresa Strasser and the news. You cnn?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I don't know where we're heading here as a society. I mean, I guess if there's going to be 500 channels to watch, like, hey, man, you really dig gardening? There's a gardening channel. And you really dig outdoor sports. There's an outdoor sports channel. Fishing and hunting and stuff like that. I guess porn is just going to fall, I guess, eventually, the way it's heading. So now it's, like, totally dialed in. So you're like, well, during the day, I like watching those shows where they strip down trucks and customize them. And then at night, I watch napping porn. So everything's being totally custom, like, designed for you. I think maybe 50 years from now, you're just going to get assigned your own crew, and you're going to go like, hey, Doug Benson's kids, what do you like? And my son's going to be like, doug's son's going to be like, I like napping pot porn, where the chick wears a fuchsia dress. And they're going to be like, all right, we're going to make that for you. Because it's getting that specific now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they already have applications, I think. Is it Pandora, where you know what songs you like, yeah, yeah.

[Doug Benson]

It's all, you know, it's becoming more and more niche oriented.

[Brian Bishop]

All.

[Bald Brian]

I think your beard scraping.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, wait.

[Bald Brian]

We'll be right back.

[Adam Carolla]

Beard scrape porn.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, beard scrape porn. I remember when porn was just porn and it was like you'd open a porn magazine and you're like, well, I'm not particularly attracted to this chick and I ain't really into Asians and this is girl on girl. It's not really my scene, but, well, I guess I got to beat off to it.

[Doug Benson]

There's nudity. Let's go.

[Bald Brian]

Sorry, cock. Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, if there's not a woman napping,

[Doug Benson]

let's do our best with this and a sword.

[Bald Brian]

All right, well, if you want to see Doug Knapp on stage, you go to the Doug Benson interruption, everyone at Largo on the 14th. Tomorrow, comedian Bobby Lee gonna be in here. I want to give a little praise to our sponsor one more time. Mangrate the grill enhancement system. I spoke to my new buddy Evan over there, the inventor and manufacturer, and the guy works in a high tech industry but loves grilling and brought home an iron grate from a restaurant. Had an epiphany, said, why isn't everyone grilling on this? 100% cast iron grate makes it here in the United States. All mon pas operation. They're friends of the show and you should steer your business their way. But for those of you who think you've reached the outer limits of barbecue, now it's time to go to the next step. 25% off the retail price. Go to the [e-mail] and let's help our friends out, please. They're sponsors of the show. So until next time, I want to thank Doug Benson, Teresa Strasser, and bald Brian, otherwise known as the loser Makarubanzai. Yeah, you're lucky you got picked, Adam Carolla saying mop hollow.

[David Wild]

All right, this is adam Kollo show 337. That does it for this weekend's Corolla Classics. Make sure to tune next weekend for an all new installment. Until then, mahalo and get it on.

[Bald Brian]

At first I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light. I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. Truth, isn't it? It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement. Loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[David Wild]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Bald Brian]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. Truth, isn't it? It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now pay. Never.