Dov Davidoff & Ralph Sutton Have Daddy Issues

Summary

Summary of The Adam Carolla Show Episode: "Dov Davidoff & Ralph Sutton Have Daddy Issues"

Release Date: January 8, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes back comedian Dove Davidoff alongside Ralph Sutton, host of the SDR show. The trio delves into a variety of topics, blending sharp social commentary with personal anecdotes and humor. Central to their discussion is the contentious high-speed rail project in California, interwoven with stories about family dynamics and societal observations.

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High-Speed Rail in California: A Colossal Boondoggle

Adam Carolla initiates the conversation by expressing frustration over California's high-speed rail project, labeling it an "80 billion boondoggle" that has failed to deliver tangible results since its inception in 2008.

• Cost and Delays:

  • Adam Carolla (03:02): "And people live in Bakersfield going, where's Merced? It is going to link a part of this state that never needed to be linked."
  • Dove Davidoff (05:37): "It's like a Franz Kafka novel. The level of waste and corruption inherent in these games is incredible."

• Comparisons to Other Countries:

  • The guests highlight how countries like China and Morocco have successfully implemented high-speed rail systems at a fraction of the cost.
  • Adam Carolla (12:37): "In Asia, they have bullet trains that go 300 miles an hour. We don't have anything."
  • Jon Cryer (22:37): "They moved to Africa and built the entire bullet train line in 18 months."

• Regulatory Hurdles:

  • The trio criticizes California's stringent regulations and bureaucratic red tape that stymie large infrastructure projects.
  • Adam Carolla (08:36): "These power lines, they're on these old poles. The system is so old. What do we do? What do we do?"
  • Bill Maher (125:00): "We became so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance."

• Economic Implications:

  • The discussion touches on the economic inefficiencies, emphasizing the misallocation of taxpayer money that could have been invested elsewhere.
  • Adam Carolla (19:53): "They broke ground in '08, it's '20 now, we have nothing. It's never gonna work."

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Personal Anecdotes and Family Dynamics

Transitioning from infrastructure woes, the conversation becomes deeply personal as Adam and Dove share stories about their familial relationships, highlighting themes of neglect, dysfunction, and the lasting impact on their lives.

• Adam’s Family Struggles:

  • Adam recounts his tumultuous relationship with his parents, particularly his father's inability to maintain a stable presence.
  • Adam Carolla (63:10): "They are so untraditional that my dad just left without paperwork, just went to his in-laws and eventually ended up living in their closet."

• Dove’s Experiences:

  • Dove shares her story of discovering her father's bisexuality during her childhood and the resulting emotional turmoil.
  • Dove Davidoff (16:16): "I ended up calling the cops. This guy's offended that I called the cops."

• Mutual Understanding:

  • Both guests express a shared sense of abandonment and the challenges of reconciling their upbringing with their current lives.
  • Dove Davidoff (75:21): "She did write it out of love... There's great love now."

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Societal Observations: Safe Spaces vs. Octagons

The discussion shifts to broader societal issues, particularly the polarization between "safe spaces" and "octagons," a metaphorical representation of areas requiring defense against aggression.

• Conceptual Framework:

  • Dove Davidoff (41:07): "It's like an octagon where you're defending against reality."
  • Adam Carolla (41:02): "Safe spaces can't work."

• Impact of Regulation and Culture:

  • The guests argue that overregulation and extreme liberal policies contribute to societal fragmentation.
  • Adam Carolla (10:03): "They give out heroin and clean needles to junkies because we're progressive."

• Economic and Social Consequences:

  • They discuss how these policies lead to neglect of essential infrastructure and services, exacerbating problems like wildfires.
  • Dove Davidoff (82:45): "But they're too progressive."

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Humorous Interludes and Illustrations

Throughout the episode, Adam and his guests intersperse humor to underscore their points, often using exaggerated scenarios and playful banter.

• Gym Anecdotes:

  • Adam Carolla (26:04): Describes an encounter in a Pilates class with a "douche dar" (someone with poor social conduct).
  • Dove Davidoff (27:19): "Off, as it should."

• Mock Judicial Scenes:

  • They stage humorous courtroom dialogues to critique societal norms and legal inconsistencies.
  • Adam Carolla (56:19): "You're under oath. Have you ever beat off to this?"

• Television Tropes:

  • The hosts mock common movie tropes, such as the quarterback spotting an empty seat, to highlight unrealistic expectations in media.
  • Adam Carolla (85:24): "You have to be confident in yourself to be 5'2" and sit in a chair made for Ralph."

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Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Adam Carolla provides updates on upcoming live shows while reinforcing the central themes discussed. The combination of insightful commentary on California’s infrastructure challenges, personal stories of familial struggle, and sharp societal critiques, all seasoned with humor, makes this episode a compelling listen for those seeking both laughs and thoughtful analysis.

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Notable Quotes

• Dove Davidoff (05:37): "It's like a Franz Kafka novel. The level of waste and corruption inherent in these games is incredible."
• Adam Carolla (10:03): "They give out heroin and clean needles to junkies because we're progressive."
• Jason Mayhem Miller (41:07): "We need sensible regulation. It's absurd."
• Bill Maher (125:00): "We became so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance."

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This episode skillfully navigates through complex issues with a blend of humor and critical analysis, offering listeners a nuanced perspective on both personal and societal challenges.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this show, comedian Dove Davidoff comes back. It's been so long. Ralph Sutton, his partner, they come in both to hang out and get into everything. Deep psychological dives. That's a fun one. And also Mayhem's got the news. We got all that right after this. Hey, it's Adam Caroll from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game locks. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline. The game starts here.

[Ralph Sutton]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, host of the SDR show, Ralph Sutton and his co host, comedian Dove Davidoff. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now he's coming up. I mean out. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Get it on. Got to get on a chance bigger than manic. Get it on. Thanks for tuning in. 2025, Ralph. Good to see you again, Dov. Good to see you again.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

I was thinking back, I was like, Dove. I kept. I'm saying I haven't seen him in 10 years.

[Dove Davidoff]

Went to New York, I developed a small private equity operation, began real estate.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? I built it 27 stage at Irvine time we were together.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, I've done that a couple times with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. You're not easy to keep up with.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, but I remember Dove. Not you are, but I mean, I remember thinking, oh, this is. He feels right at home on stage. And then when I saw you were coming on the show, I did this. I like Dove. And then I thought, I haven't seen him in over a decade.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, he is very forgettable.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened?

[Dove Davidoff]

I'm telling you, I checked out. I went to New York when social media got hot and I've always stayed in stand up. I'm still out headlining. I was doing a cop show. I was playing a detective on NBC. I started developing real estate. I owned apartment buildings in Brooklyn.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then a bunch of guys from Guatemala took it over and Started eating the cats and the pigeons.

[Dove Davidoff]

Exactly. They were barbecuing hounds on the front lawn, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. So, I mean, you always did stand up, but you diversified.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, I mean, well, as you know. Yeah, in a sense. Right. I mean, I was doing standup, I was on the road. And then I was back in New York. I. I lucked into an apartment building situation. I sold it for a lot of money and I had enough to go and buy a piece of land and develop 26 units. And. And so it took me out of the game for a little while and I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did you develop the 26 units? In Brooklyn.

[Dove Davidoff]

In Brooklyn.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Dove Davidoff]

570 Nostran Ave. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, it's interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

I love building, man. We could talk building.

[Dove Davidoff]

We could talk about. At some point, we could talk about deregulation. Hopefully get some of this permitting process streamlined so we can fucking get something.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Done in this country easy.

[Adam Carolla]

I. No, I'm so with you that people don't understand any of this stuff.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's one of the biggest impediments facing our country.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? We're trying to build a high speed rail here, right? We're going from Bakersfield to Merced. Now listen, the people who aren't from around here, you're saying, where's Bakersfield and Merced? The people who are from around here are saying, where's Bakersfield? Because everyone's saying, there's people who live in Merced who are going, where's Bakersfield?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And people live in Bakersfield going, where the fuck's Merced?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It is going to link a part of this state that never needed to be linked.

[Dove Davidoff]

You haven't mentioned the second most offensive part, which is that it's cost billions of dollars.

[Adam Carolla]

80 billion. Over 80 billion.

[Dove Davidoff]

In China, they've developed a very similar railway for 110 of the cost that is 10 times as long.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? We're never gonna stop. This train's gonna keep a rolling all night long. Because the first things first. I grew up here. I go to the Bay Area all the time. All those car pictures I was showing you, that's all Laguna Seca understood, That's all in the Bay Area. That's where the racetrack is. I go up twice a year and do races. No one has ever sat in Los Angeles and went, how am I gonna get to San Francisco? I know not how. There's a Southwest flight that leaves Burbank Airport every 51 minutes. You go to Oakland, you can go to San Jose, you can go to San Francisco, you Can go anywhere you want, or you can just get in your car and point it that direction and you'll be there in five hours. Nobody in recorded history has ever been in Bakersfield and said, how we getting to Mercedes?

[Dove Davidoff]

It's a.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never come up.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's like a Franz Kafka novel. The level of waste and corruption inherent in these games is incredible.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What is the reasoning that they're even doing it? Is there a reason?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I got a million thoughts. Because this is all as we explore this colossal boondoggle. Boondoggle and waste of taxpayer money and money that could have gone over here or.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But there is a front facing narrative that they sold to the public.

[Adam Carolla]

I will do it. But first, let's just set against the backdrop of me waking up in Malibu this morning and learning that we're in a high wind situation and winds mean fire. Three and a half weeks ago, we were all evacuated from Malibu. Not to return, by the way. For days I slept at Dr. Drew's house.

[Dove Davidoff]

Incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody spoons like Drew.

[Dove Davidoff]

Nobody spoons like Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody spoons like Dr.

[Dove Davidoff]

Put on a condom to spoon. Dr. Drew is one of those guys.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But in your. My defense, you haven't slept with Dove for the last three days out here in Colorado.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I was kind of setting the table for that. But thanks for broaching it, Ralph.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's bananas. It's bananas.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Let me just against the backdrop up, three and a half weeks ago, it got windy. When it gets windy, Malibu catches on fire.

[Dove Davidoff]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

The most expensive real estate almost in the world.

[Dove Davidoff]

Almost in the world almost.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, there are routinely places down along PCH against the ocean that are 80 to 100 million dollars. I've seen them built in that environment. We cannot prevent this. When it gets windy, Malibu catches on fire. We might as well just be sort of native tribesmen at this point. Like we are at the whims of the wind. God. I don't mean hundred mile an hour winds. I mean anything over 30 miles an hour. Malibu catch on fire. I get up this morning, I go, it's gonna be wind. Are we gonna have another fucking fire in Malibu? Yeah. Well, you know what happens? It gets windy and then knocks the power poles over. And then the power lines catch on fire. And I'm leaving the Palisades this morning. It's 10:30 in the morning. I walk out of the Jim, I smell smoke. I see ash in the air. I look up in the fucking hill. We saw it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We saw it from. We Went through.

[Adam Carolla]

The Palisades are on fire. It only took an hour and 45 minutes for the Palisades.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's a spark to hit the Palisades.

[Adam Carolla]

To catch on fire. And there's fire trucks blasted down pch, cop cars everywhere. Now I just got the note notice from my girlfriend that we're evacuating. They're vacuuming. It's 20, 25.

[Dove Davidoff]

You have the same weather related liabilities as planes. Indians in Malibu. That's right, bananas.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing we can do. They go, well, what's the problem? They go. These power lines, they're on these old poles. The system is so old. What do we do? What do we do? How about we bury them? How about we put them in conduit and we put them in the ground? And then I start going, at the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Very least, a new pole.

[Adam Carolla]

A new. No, the pole is from first off. The same pole from 1877 that you saw on the streets of the western town. It's just a piece of poles. It's dunked in creosote, by the way, which is just like tar and just pile driven into the ground all the way up and down pch, you see them all lined all through the hills. I thought, what if we took a little of that money, your tax base, to get from the one that was gonna get me from Bakersfield to Merced, which no human being I know will ever be impacted by.

[Dove Davidoff]

Billions you spent to get from Bakersfield to Merced.

[Adam Carolla]

How about we bury the power lines.

[Dove Davidoff]

And put it in the Malibu neighborhood on earth.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't have to catch on fire when it gets windy. It's not like. Well, when the volcano goes off, there's nothing we can. No, no, it's nothing. It's windy. It gets windy. And then I didn't make it till noon and I'm driving to work seeing huge plumes of smoke going, oh great, Malibu's on fire.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's maddening. And that's a microcosm for what's going on in government for generations. I mean, hence the argument for bitcoin. But the idea of some scarce, you know, desirable asset, apart from the whims of politicians and central banks. But anyway.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But I would say, let me argue.

[Adam Carolla]

This and I will tell you what the argument.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But does bitcoin take away from the corruption that that's happening? It doesn't, you know, so. But sure it does.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's not the government.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If they still. Let me ask you to just go back to what was the actual selling point?

[Adam Carolla]

The selling the selling point. And it's always a selling point for California. We are going to lead the way. Yeah, we're going to lead the way. We got programs.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

We give out heroin and clean needles to junkies because we're progressive. Like, we lead the way. We have injection zones.

[Dove Davidoff]

You lead the way of people leaving the state as well. You're leading the way there.

[Adam Carolla]

We're leading the U Haul way, too.

[Dove Davidoff]

But U Haul is doing great.

[Adam Carolla]

We do super progressive shit. We. What we'll do is we'll do community policing. We'll defund the police, and we'll have community ambassadors, and then we'll have zones that are safe to enchant Ralph a.

[Dove Davidoff]

Nightstick and have a walk around somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll put heroin in vending machines and we'll give out free housing to the. And we're sanctuary city. All are welcome here. So we go. We lead. We lead. But what we don't realize is we're go in the wrong direction just to go to the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

To the train. How are they supposed to recoup a train system that no one's worried about recouping?

[Dove Davidoff]

You're so progressive. There's no sense in recouping.

[Adam Carolla]

You're too progressive.

[Dove Davidoff]

Recoup means real economics.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I would say. Here's what they say. Okay, here's. If I was them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I want to hear that. I would go inside.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, I've been to Asia, I've been to Strudeldorf. I've been to these. They all have bullet trains over there. We don't have anything.

[Dove Davidoff]

But they use.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't have anything. These advanced civilizations, Tokyo and Europe and stuff, they have this thing. We don't. So we're lagging. So the first thing is we're lagging except for we have Southwest in minivans, airplanes. But okay, so they first start with this, you know, in Europe, you know.

[Dove Davidoff]

In Asia, you know what's going on there. And we got to put one in Bakersfield.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's what they do. Hold on. No, no, no, no, here's. Yeah, listen, we're going to do in seconds, first we're going to link, because there's a lot of land there. We can get that land. We'll go there, there. But eventually you're going to jump into a bullet train in San Diego and you're going to sit down for 20 minutes and the door's going to open. You're going to be in San Francisco, my friend. That's. We're going to link.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Them.

[Adam Carolla]

You see what I'm doing? Because in Europe, they've had these. In Asia, they've had these things since the 60s that go 300 miles, 300 miles an hour. And everyone loves them.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they move. And it's low impact from environmental. Gets all the cars off the road.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's only gonna cost $10 trillion. And you're gonna have to reroute part of that track around a protected frog species.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, then the regulation kicks in, and that's why we can't do it. And yet the guy who ran, who was in charge of it after, I don't know, five years, he just went, oh, fuck this. I can't do it anymore, and tried.

[Dove Davidoff]

To explain this to these communists for many, many months.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't argue with anyone else from the Coastal Commission and. Or any of these progressive bitches.

[Dove Davidoff]

Commission.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Right. Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So where is it now?

[Adam Carolla]

He moved. He went to Africa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How far?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. That guy went to Africa and built the entire bullet train line in 18 months. And the next four guys dropped out because they go, we can't deal with the regulation.

[Dove Davidoff]

And then Jane Fonda shows Fuck out.

[Adam Carolla]

Jane Fonda shows up on Bill Maher and she's like. I like, what are you talking about, regulation? It's a good thing. It's like, no, it's stifling.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, we. Dev and I be talking about this a lot lately, which is that I think you need some regulation.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

You need sensible regulation. It's absurd.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We need sensible regulation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We don't need stifling.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. I'm saying some sort of regulation.

[Dove Davidoff]

I know, but listen, that's a red herring.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't make that argument. Everyone does that all the time. You know, they go, we need some.

[Dove Davidoff]

Deregulate this shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. We need to deregulate the shit.

[Dove Davidoff]

Of course you need cops. Of course you need some regulation.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Agreed.

[Dove Davidoff]

This communist keeps arguing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, we need some.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know, my name is Ralph. Communist.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Yeah. Oh, now, Dawson. Yeah. You can find Jane Fonda talking to Bill Maher about it. It's a problem. Here's the problem.

[Dove Davidoff]

I'm sure it's brass, tax people who.

[Adam Carolla]

Don'T build anything or do anything. Love regulation.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. They're called bureaucrats.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And they go in every day with new ideas about new regulations. New regulations, that's all they do.

[Dove Davidoff]

Because an organism that needs to feed itself, they're not gonna put themselves out of business. So they keep regulating.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to say this all the time. I go, if you took beavers and put them on top of the Empire State Building. They would start looking for wood to build a dam. Looking for wood. Let's build a gang. And someone goes, why? Because that's what beavers do.

[Dove Davidoff]

Brilliant analogy. The frog and the scorpion. It's in his nature.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll show the clip of.

[Dove Davidoff]

Of Jane Fonda.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. This is why this bitch is why we don't have a railroad.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah. Her and him. Her and her and him.

[Adam Carolla]

Her and Ralph, you really.

[Bill Maher]

But the state we live in, California is, is lacking regulation. There's over 300,000 regulations. I mean I once.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe they're needed.

[Dove Davidoff]

They're not, are they?

[Bill Maher]

When I tried to put in a garage door, I had to have three inspections. There should have been none. I shouldn't be allowed to change my garage door.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you kidding?

[Dove Davidoff]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

It was about a garage door?

[Bill Maher]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. Yeah. That is. No.

[Bill Maher]

You know this about California?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't. Well, I'm sorry, I don't.

[Bill Maher]

You don't? You've never heard that California is overtaxed and over regulated? That we are, we are a one party state where there's sort of no checks on that sort of extreme leftism and that. Why do you think I don't for.

[Adam Carolla]

A minute consider California a state that is extreme leftist? Not at all. Not any way.

[Bill Maher]

Well, that shows where your politics are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, by the way, it's not far.

[Dove Davidoff]

Enough left for her because she lives on Pluto.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So she has no idea what he's talking about.

[Dove Davidoff]

I spent the night in jail. Speaking of regulation and really lefty states. I spent the night in jail because my neighbor kept playing his music really loud in New York and Manhattan. I finally called the cops after nicely last year. Yeah, you thought it was a long.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Time we came out here.

[Dove Davidoff]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Long story short, I ended up calling the cops.

[Dove Davidoff]

This guy's offended that I called the cops. Comms banging on my door at 3 in the morning. I open the door, he pushed his way in, I hit him with a right hand in the mouth, bust his face up. The cops come and arrest me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dove Davidoff]

And in New York I learned that you have no right to stand your ground initially.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dove Davidoff]

Florida to stand your ground straight. Texas, stand your ground. In New York you have what's called a duty to retreat. So you get chaotic streets. A duty to retreat so that if somebody pulls their dick out and walks up to your family on the train, you are supposed to retreat. You can only respond when cornered.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, but in my defense, that's how we met.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Backing onto each other.

[Dove Davidoff]

All kidding aside, it's getting bananas. And when you feel that chaos, it's because there's a politician that isn't substantiating what the police have. You know, it's, you know, and I'll.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll, I'll play you one more and then we'll, we'll move on to different subjects. But honestly, God, she seemed to be.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Unaware that it was even apologized him for the garage door. So she's living in her own fantasy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, I did some research. In 1930, 70% of the households in the US had electricity through power lines. So it's basically 100 years old. We're in the most expensive real estate in the world and we can't find the funds to bury them. They're also an eyesore. When you see it's mind blowing. It's mind blowing. Right.

[Dove Davidoff]

Drive along the pch. It's mind blowing.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I live along.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, I'm agreeing. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Also, you know the thing that's funny? I'll tell you the thing that's funny. Someone will bring it up every once in a while. They're constantly talking about global warming and rising seas. There are houses on the water side of PCH that are from the 40s and 50s. They're just parked there on pilasters. There's nothing going on. There's no sea. And a house on the Ocean side is four times as much, maybe six times as much as one on the other side of the highway. Literally 30ft away. You're gonna save $18 million. Right. So is the sea rising? Apparently not, because a lot of those houses are there from the 40s and the 50s. But I'll tell you what is going on in terms of impact to the environment. 200 million tons of soot going into the air when we have a fucking fire every 20 minutes.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, it's maddening.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're worried about the ocean. Nobody from the Coastal Commission goes, what about these fucking power lines?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At least the ocean rises, will put out the fires.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And if there whatever we save with whatever technology we're talking about catalytic converters or whatever clean fuel where it's all out the window after one big fire. Cuz it's all the carbon and soot just go right up into the next.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's a net negative if you don't address the underlying issues.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, Yeah, I have. I don't know.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's not politically expedient to do so. So we're gonna keep living like this in this dysfunctional loop where we're complaining to nobody.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, somebody, Joe, put a. I think we have it. Some congressman or somebody from out here said he's putting a bill together, just going, no more money for the rail. Well, first things first, everyone, you could say, well, don't you want you or your kids to be able to ride a high speed rail? The answer is it's never gonna be done. It's never gonna work. It's never gonna happen. They're never. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It'll never be done for it or. They didn't even break down.

[Adam Carolla]

They broke ground in 08.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

It's 80 billion over and we have nothing. You're never going to have anything. That's what I'm saying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm going to play devil's advocate for one second.

[Dove Davidoff]

There is no advocate. There is no advocate.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not devil's advocate. But like I was in Portugal two years ago.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And just to say that there's crazy regulation everywhere. That's the worst airport in the world is Lisbon's airport.

[Dove Davidoff]

Doesn't make any better.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The worst airport in the world. It took them 17 years just to agree where the new airport was and.

[Dove Davidoff]

Look at their economy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I'm just saying, is that everywhere.

[Dove Davidoff]

You want to be like Portugal?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't.

[Dove Davidoff]

Okay, let's get the politics.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sometimes you just. It is universally a problem, is what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

We didn't invent China.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's not, but.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so here's your report.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, I know it seems like you're.

[Adam Carolla]

Saying, so we got a. We got a guy, he's from California spaces going, well, we'll hear his pitch. It's kind of funny.

[Jon Cryer]

High speed rail project was originally projected in 2008 to cost $33 billion. It is now projected to cost up to 127 billion. Its estimated completion date was 2020. Of course, we are past 2020 now. As of 2024, zero passengers have been transported. Indeed, the majority of the system has not even been fully defined, designed, and yet it has received $6.8 billion in federal funds. And they're requesting an additional 8 billion in federal funds. In short, the cost has quadrupled and nothing has been built. Or actually, I'm being a little bit unfair. There was an announcement earlier this year in May where the High Speed Rail Authority, which really has to strain to come up with, you know, milestones to advertise to the public, there was A lot of hoopla surrounding the unveiling of an $11 billion bridge to nowhere that took nine years to build, which is about the only thing that the High Speed Rail Authority has to show for its efforts over the last 16 years. A few years ago, the New York Times did an expose. The New York Times reporting that at the current pace, the high speed rail project will not be completed this century. I actually asked Secretary Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg about this, whether he agreed with the New York Times assessment, and he said, oh, yeah, it'll be completed this century. Although AIA gave him several opportunities to give his own best estimation of when it will be completed, and he declined to do so. To give you a sense of how bad things are, in the early days of the project, the lead operator abandoned the project to go and build a rail system in North Africa because they said that there it was, quote, less politically dysfunctional than California.

[Dove Davidoff]

Hilarious.

[Jon Cryer]

That operator, by the way, brought a high speed train online in Morocco in 2018. So high speed trains are not impossible to build. Californians, Americans travel abroad and they ride them and they say, why can't we have them here? It's just impossible in California because of stratospheric levels of political.

[Adam Carolla]

Because of that bitch Jane Fonda.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I have a question.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, pause. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why are there no high speed trains being built anywhere else in the country?

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, California's leading us into.

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta lead. We gotta lead.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm just asking if it's so easy to build.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, here's what I would say to that challenge. I would say in conservative parts of the country, they're not interested in it because we have airplanes and cars and we actually like cars. So in conservative leaning places or red states, they're not enamored with it.

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, you're allowed to defend yourself, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we go. Wait, let me finish. Blue states are enamored with it and they like the idea of it. But blue states are so regulated that they can't do it.

[Dove Davidoff]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

So red states don't want to do it, but probably could. Like, if you wanted to pull this shit off in Texas, you could probably pull it off pretty quickly. They don't have any interest in it because they have jet Suite X in south and they don't give a.

[Dove Davidoff]

And good highways.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think. And they like to drive. Blue states don't like you in your car.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So in these other countries where they're being built relatively regularly, there is no left, right divide is what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't Think. And I wouldn't speculate. I mean, I don't say no.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But I would look at it as objectively as possible.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say in China especially, where they do the most in the fastest, well, they crank out the most in the fastest and the best. So it's hard.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Where you just said Morocco. Where was it?

[Dove Davidoff]

Japan's famous for it. They have it in Europe. I mean, those cities are connected, but it makes sense. The distances are shorter, and you don't need to get on an airplane there. The distances are longer. And so why build the train when you have air travel? I'm gonna call this project Ralph Sutton Railways. They did a fucking comic, by the way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How long is the distance that they're trying to connect?

[Adam Carolla]

I checked it out. It's about a. It's about a two and a half hour drive, which is to say through the desert. If you're ever found yourself in Merced and you needed to get to Baker.

[Dove Davidoff]

That won't ever happen.

[Adam Carolla]

You would just jump in your car or kill yourself. Or kill yourself or both.

[Ralph Sutton]

Here's another thing that we don't think about. I have to drive up north all the time. My family's been in California for five generations. And Highway 5 is still two lanes in each direction for about 250 miles.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Ralph Sutton]

Think about when there's an accident on that and you got a thousand cars idling. How much CO2 are you putting into the air when we could just widen the freeway? The land is there.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, we need the money to make trains to nowhere.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Ralph Sutton]

That's why they're not building the roads they want.

[Adam Carolla]

Because Rag doesn't believe you should own a car.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Read my manifesto. It's on my website.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me ask you guys this. We'll get on to other subjects that we can all agree upon. Do you believe now people talk about Gadar.

[Dove Davidoff]

Now you got a subject that somebody could hold court on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was like, what?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, when he's not performing cunnilingus on Jane Fonda. He has J Dar.

[Adam Carolla]

What about douche dar?

[Dove Davidoff]

Oh, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me if you guys vibe with this. I was at the gym. I was taking a Pilates class. Because I'm secure enough.

[Dove Davidoff]

You're all known.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm old and I'm secure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Speaking of gaydar.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm in a Pilates class, and the guy in the mat directly ahead of me, my douche dars going off, like the whole time. First thing, two calf tattoos. One of them, like state of Texas and something. Then it's ponytail with hat, ball cap on backwards with ponytail hanging out. Then it's a kind of general. At some point, you're down in child's pose or down dog or something, and you're taking your leg and kicking it out. I'm aware that I'm 6 foot 2, and I got long parts, you know, and the chick mats 18 inches from yours. I realize I go full extension. I'm gonna punch her in the face. You know, you have neighbors, you know, but not this guy. This guy's back of the mat, full leg extension. I'm literally like Tyson slipping under his heel, throwing an uppercut, slipping under again. And I'm like, my douche star's going.

[Dove Davidoff]

Off, as it should.

[Adam Carolla]

Later on after the class, I go take the cold plunge tub, sit in there for four minutes. 36 degrees, by the way. Very cold. Get out and head back into the locker room. At some point, a young guy who was in the cold tub next to me, young, athletic guy, nice guy, you know, he's sitting in the cold tub. Your balls are retracting in your abdomen, and you start a conversation, Anything to just not stare at the fucking small hand. Second hand on the clock, just barely moving. It's 36 degrees.

[Dove Davidoff]

Gallows humor.

[Adam Carolla]

You start talking about pain. At some point, the guy comes back into the locker room, and he goes, oh, man, I just had a situation out there. I go, what happened? He goes, well, I got out of the cold tub, and I just, like, sat down, like, on the edge of the tub. It's 36 degrees. You have to stand. You have to, like, steady yourself for a few moments, you know? This guy comes in there, gets in the cold tub, and he goes, what are you looking at? And the guy goes, I'm just chillaxing. I'm just trying to get my body out. Would you mind leaving? It's like. It's a public area. I go, this guy have a ponytail?

[Dove Davidoff]

Of course he did.

[Adam Carolla]

He goes, oh, yeah, that's the guy. That's the guy. I go, first off, could you imagine sitting in a public place in a gym, when a guy just gets out of the cold tub, and he's, like, standing there with the towel around him, and you go, hey, could you leave, bro? Like, it's just an open area. I don't know what leave even means.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Also, ironically, in a place that's supposed to be of centeredness and wellness, like the Pilates studio, and he's already coming in without it.

[Adam Carolla]

But my. My fucking douche star was. Was. Was going off like a pinball machine. Yeah. And I'm like, why? I was just behind the guy. I had nothing. I had the calf tattoos and the backwards in the ponytail with the backwards trucker hat on. And to do chart. It was like going off the charts. And also I must always say, I'm secretly jealous of these guys. I wish, I just wish I could go into a cold tub and say to a stranger, hey, bro, could you clear out like his highness, his nutsack is in this cold sack.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But does that mean that you have that thought that you want to say that and you don't?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like I could never pull it off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But you want to say it is what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't, I don't care that he's there. I, I, I, I, I admire his chutzpah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Dove Davidoff]

Like, it's not hoods, but it's obliviousness.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what it is?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't think it's oblivious.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's a study.

[Adam Carolla]

He knows what's going on.

[Dove Davidoff]

He's not aware of his own behavior.

[Adam Carolla]

But he's aware there's a guy standing there.

[Dove Davidoff]

Oh no. That is aware of it, but he's a douchebag.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So, yeah, it's the, the people who look at the universe thinking that they're, they're, they're the main character in a video.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Obviously that's that. And there's that delusion for that where they call that those, those NPC people that the non playable characters are around you and you are the center of the universe.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So of course you're, we're extras in his movie.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, that's what that is. I don't think it's oblivious.

[Adam Carolla]

Are we delusional? Are we jealous?

[Dove Davidoff]

No, I'm not jealous. But we should, we should hit people in the face more often under the right circumstances.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

I used to go to jail. I used to. Yeah, so what? I used to live near the Hells Angels block on it where they had their headquarters on 3rd street, the block on either side people sold drugs. People women were getting, you know, fucked around with. On the Hell's Angels block, it was peaceful unless they were having a party once a year. Utterly peaceful. And everybody was going. The politicians are going, but we have mentally ill. But we have the mentally ill. All weren't mentally ill. So mentally ill that they didn't avoid that block because they get thrown off a fucking roof.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dove Davidoff]

So I, you know, we got to go back to a time where people said, that's right. That's not right. And if we all stare at our feet when that happens, like when. But my neighbor. We're going to live in a society that's chaotic with fucking guys with ponytails.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I used to have a ponytail. But here's what I would say, that those people who believe they're the center of the universe, every problem that happens, they think it's about them. So when someone cuts them off, it's.

[Dove Davidoff]

Unless they're doing it until you train, then it's not about them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But. So those people are in a constant state of misery because every problem that happens, it's happening to them. So I'm not jealous of that at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's a kind of a narcissism. And the narcissism is. But it's me. And you cut them off first off the freeway cutoff is almost always a mistake. It's not that it's them, it's that you didn't see them or know who they even were.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's not about you. 99%. It's not about you. For instance, one time I was playing. I was at a party, I was at my house and I was playing music really loud. And some jerk off shows up at three in the morning to tell me to lower the music.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's delightful, but it is not an analog for what happened to me, Charlie.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Another question. Who are these people? I got another person for you.

[Dove Davidoff]

Let's do it. Let's do it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's like you had a rough week.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was. It was tough. First the cold, first the trauma, the cold, depth and then the fires.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And it's all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's been a rough week. Yeah, it's 20, 25, and when it gets windy, the most expensive real estate in California catches on fire. And there's not a goddamn thing we can do about it. That's the weirdest thing. Elon is going to Mars. Elon's gonna colonize Mars before that train makes it to Merced.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, and China built a train that goes from one end of the country to the other for one third of what they spent from Merced to Bakersfield.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so it just gets windy. And then Malibu catches on fire.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, it's a Kafka novel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So I've noticed that people have trouble. Now. Back before there was all the navigation system used to tell people, follow me. You know, go, follow me. Like I remember saying to my dad years ago, like, he's like, where's the restaurant? I'm like, just. Just follow me. It's up Ventura. At some point, you look in your rearview mirror, you see he's a quarter mile behind you. And then at some point, you see three cars slide in between him and them. And then some point, you realize he missed the red light that you just made. And it's like, I don't know. What part of follow don't people understand? I don't get. So there's this big ass truck in my parking lot that you guys saw. That truck is a Hino, which is a huge corporation that makes trucks. But that was the first one ever brought into the United States. And it's got a story as a car, race car transport from the 60s. That truck is from the 60s, early 60s. It is right hand drive, which is weird. It has suicide doors.

[Dove Davidoff]

I gotta take a look at this.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is weird.

[Dove Davidoff]

I didn't take a look at it.

[Adam Carolla]

And the steering wheel is almost flat and in your lap, so it's like a dj and you're sitting, like over the front axle. So it's really weird, like driving a steamroller or something. And it hasn't been driven in a long time. And I've never driven it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is it drivable?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, kinda. And I gotta drive it from Pasadena or La Canada to here. So I tell my two guys who are in the truck filled with but moving stuff. I go, I'm driving the Hino. The Hino's dicey. The Hino is filled the back with mechanics. Tool chest, Roll off, tool chest. But we had to use a forklift to get him in there. Like, like tons, tons of weight in there. Strapped down, but tons of weight. I say, you two, follow me in the dually trial should be hard because.

[Dove Davidoff]

You'Re doing 35, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't move.

[Dove Davidoff]

All right, where are you going?

[Adam Carolla]

Put the hazards on the dually. We're getting up on the freeway. We're going over the pass, and we're coming down a long downhill into the 101 I go. Put the hazards on the dually and follow me.

[Dove Davidoff]

Follow me. Shouldn't be hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, stop at the gas station, fill up the Hino. I go, okay, follow me. Put the hazards on and follow me. Go. Start heading up the freeway to the two getting on the freeway. Soon as I get on the freeway, I look back. These guys are seven blocks back, and two cars slide in. And I'm like, why? But why?

[Dove Davidoff]

You couldn't handle the Hino.

[Adam Carolla]

It's big as fuck and it barely moves. And you guys can't.

[Dove Davidoff]

Just still can't manage the Following.

[Adam Carolla]

And now it's weird because you're three cars back with your hazards on, inexplicably just driving down the freeway because you're not following me. So then, and at some point we start like coming over the hill and we're going down this long downhill sort of into Eagle Rock. And I'm driving this thing with right hand drive and big steering wheels in my lap. And my feet are like trying to find the pedals, you know, And I start pushing on the brake and I'm not feeling anything. And I'm getting up speed and I look in the rear view mirror and these guys are. They're nowhere to be found. There's another two cars in, but there are other cars that slid in. And I'm like, like, what is the thing? What is that?

[Dove Davidoff]

You couldn't pull it off. You couldn't pull off following a guy in a hino.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it should be part of the driver's test.

[Dove Davidoff]

It should be part of the test to be a man.

[Adam Carolla]

To put your pants on, be a man.

[Dove Davidoff]

You should learn to drive standard shifts.

[Adam Carolla]

You're driving a normal truck. I'm driving a behemoth that barely moves and as big as shit and loaded.

[Dove Davidoff]

With 2 tons worth of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Can see from outer space. And you can't see fit just to tuck in and sit about 20, 30ft behind me for a short, you know, six mile run. Right, that's it. No, not doable.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because I was gonna argue maybe in this world of GPS where they're so not used to looking in front and the looking at a GPS that they lost track.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they knew. They knew exactly where they were going and they knew exactly where I was going. And they've been back and forth. It just to follow me thing means what? When you tell people follow me, they go, okay. And they leave about 300 yards. And then inevitably, other cars tuck in.

[Dove Davidoff]

You gotta follow such that you can't have three car tuck it in between. And also clip your ponytail, take the tattoo off the calf and join society. Let's all get together.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What if both cars had their blinkers on? People might have made the association that you're together and would have not tried to.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, like a funeral, you know, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Don'T think the Hino has hazards.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think it made pre hazards.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's pre hazard.

[Adam Carolla]

Pre hazard.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's a classic pre hazard truck. Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a Dukes of Hazard.

[Dove Davidoff]

Dukes of Hazard, boys. Post Dukes of Hazard.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. We're going to Oregon. Origin story Boss Hogg is 17 and in high school. Yeah. Except Enos is 14 and struggling.

[Dove Davidoff]

Who's the other one?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Roscoe.

[Dove Davidoff]

Pico train.

[Adam Carolla]

Roscoe.

[Dove Davidoff]

Pico train. He could folly in the hino. Roscoe.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Roscoe follow me sideways.

[Dove Davidoff]

They would push him out of town if he couldn't follow you in the hino.

[Adam Carolla]

The idea that the Dukes of Hazzard was made in modern times, tremendous. Kind of flag on the roof is kind of insane. But just the fact that this guy went.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The Roscoe and Roscog was crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Boss Hogg and Enos. Enos ran the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Enos was later on, though, right? Enos is towards the end of the series.

[Dove Davidoff]

Oh, and Luke, Daisy.

[Adam Carolla]

Dudes.

[Dove Davidoff]

You grew up in New York City. You watched that? Yeah, that was my favorite show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I like to see how the other.

[Dove Davidoff]

Half lived, but I grew up in a junkyard. You grew up in urban sophisticates.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah, I was listening that. Who Dawes? Was it Merle Haggard.

[Dove Davidoff]

Who.

[Adam Carolla]

Who did the song?

[Ralph Sutton]

Waylon Jennings.

[Dove Davidoff]

Even better.

[Adam Carolla]

Even better. Yeah, it had a good.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And Daisy Dukes was not only inspired a generation to wear short jean shorts. She was gorgeous. Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she was. She was something. But the fact that all in the Family and Mary Tyler Moore was like 15 years before that show, and this is what we did in 1980.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Summer look from Daisy Dukes.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, no. It all led up to that. You know, in some ways, we're moving in some strange, you know, alternate universe direction. We're all in the family. I don't know. I mean, we're headed. Maybe the pendulum is swinging back now, you know, with this last election. I don't know. Yeah, well, to have an entrepreneur in there, you know, the. The office of Doge, I mean, it's. It's pretty incredible. I don't know whether if it's gonna. Too little too late. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's what I always say. Safe spaces and octagons.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

People either go into a safe space or they're going to an octagon. And the guys going to the octagons or going deeper. Like, think about this just sociologically. I'm in California, and this is the home of the electric car and Prius and all that. And we got a governor that says we're not going to sell any internal combustion engine cars in 20, 30 and everything and other. I've never seen more Jeeps with lift kits on them and more big Rams and TRX and Duallys and Star Capital here.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All of a Sudden I'm seeing desert trophy trucks pull up next to me everywhere. I grew up out here. Used to be everyone just drove a Cambridge or a Honda or whatever. Everyone just drove something sensible. Now it's Raptors, Broncos with lift kits, and then all electric cars. Why is that? Well, because when you push one group into an electric car, there's another group that goes, fuck that, I'm getting a raptor and I'm putting a lift kit on it. And so now we got safe spaces and octagons, and that's what we're doing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The whole country is getting more and more polarized, not more and more together. That's what's happening. It's a good.

[Dove Davidoff]

But it's an interesting analogy because I would imagine in an octagon, you're gonna find out more about yourself. In a safe space, you're defending against reality to some degree, which is the nature of a safe space.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What if your safe space is an octagon?

[Dove Davidoff]

It's not by definition. It can't.

[Adam Carolla]

No, what's gonna happen is the people are gonna move to Texas who want that life or whatever, Florida, whatever, what's going on, and the other people aren't. And the octagon, it's basically. You can define your safe space by you announcing that you're sanctuary city, but the problem is the safe spaces won't work.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, they're not working.

[Adam Carolla]

Safe spaces can't work.

[Dove Davidoff]

They're clearly not working.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't just announce your sanctuary city. You need to put a whole bunch of stuff in place. They also follow money. So the safe spaces are going to have to hit up the octagons for protection and money at some point because the safe space idea is not. Not going to work.

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, a lot of. I mean, you saw pre. Covid Post.

[Adam Carolla]

Covid.

[Dove Davidoff]

So I'm in the real estate business in New York. And I mean, things haven't moved in roughly 10 years in terms of price, in terms of overall market. If you go to a red state like Florida or Texas, the cities in those states have appreciated by 50, 75%. Whereas here, I just saw my place on Zillow in Venice. It's the same price I sold it for roughly 10 years ago. Manhattan. Manhattan, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I own it that way now.

[Dove Davidoff]

Nashville. So all of these places, you're already seeing it. You're already seeing the rise in values and the stagnation in big blue cities. So you'll see more of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Unless they course correct politically.

[Dove Davidoff]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But then they're gonna have to do something.

[Dove Davidoff]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I got a lot of stuff to get into with you guys. We'll take a quick break. Break. Be right back right after this. Hexclad New Year's resolutions start in the kitchen. Let's go. Healthier this year. You cook at home, you save money and you don't get fat. Hexclad has you covered. I love these guys. They gave me their product. Well, they have a few, but I got the big pan and I was doing like a wok style chicken and cabbage the other day. It was so good. You can ditch the delivery fees, by the way, and ditch that old scratched up pan you've had since college. Hexclad combines performance of stainless steel and the cleanup of a non stick. So you get all the performance of a stainless steel pan but the quick cleanup of a nonstick. Plus, they're Japanese. Damascus steel knives are as sharp as they are tough. And their sleek pepper mill lets you season like a pro. For a limited time. Just for my listeners, 10% [e-mail] Adam this is the real deal. It's got some heft. It's good. It's the last pan you're going to need in the kitchen. And knife as well. Metal utensils, dishwasher and oven safe. Up to 500 degrees in the oven. Lifetime warranty. Literally the last time you'll ever have to buy. It's Hexclad. Am I right, Dawson?

[Ralph Sutton]

New Year new you new cookware for a limited time only. Our listeners get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com Adam support our show and check them out at h e x C-L-A-.com Adam make sure to let them know that we sent you. Bon appetit.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's eat.

[Ralph Sutton]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Ralph Sutton]

For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 18 free meals, plus free dessert for life. And of course, free shipping. On your first box. Just go to homechef.com Adam that's homechef.com Adam for 18 free meals and free dessert for life. You heard that right. Homechef.com Adam must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Here's a memorable moment from the Adam Carolla Show's ACE Awards archives.

[Dove Davidoff]

What? My mother told me that my father was getting blown by a guy at the wedding.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on.

[Dove Davidoff]

There was nothing gay about him. He'd been guys, but there was nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Doug.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get back to their dad for a second.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy was blowing him at the wedding. Why did your mom tell you that?

[Dove Davidoff]

Why? Well, because it wasn't the kind of thing that she would hide.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a short list of things that I'm gonna hide from my kids. That was 1, 2 and 3.

[Ralph Sutton]

The 2025 ACE Awards coming this December. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

I do remember that story Dub Wild.

[Dove Davidoff]

I had forgotten all about it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What's the story? I just heard blowing a guy and I got excited. What was that?

[Dove Davidoff]

My mother told me about the time my father got blown by a guy at their wedding.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And they still got married.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, but he wasn't a progressive, I'll tell you that. In that moment. Point of the wedding, I have no idea. I didn't, you know, while they were reading the nuptial, I purposely didn't look into the story. You know, once she hit me with that information, I changed.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Do you know if it was the first time he ever got blown by a dude? It could have had to not have been.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, no. He used to bang out, but again, my father ran a junkyard. He was a guy guy. You couldn't. Where I was a real guy down in Jersey. No, he would bang guys, but he didn't enjoy it. He was all man.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He only sub with men to prove something. He didn't like it. He proved it 27 times that time.

[Dove Davidoff]

There was nothing gay about him other than, you know, banging guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Once I used to go to junkyards.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All the time to Blow guys also.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I just want to see what.

[Dove Davidoff]

I grew up in a proper junkyard.

[Adam Carolla]

Pick apart in Sun Valley, 1979. Sorry. Sorry, I had to hear it here, but I want you to hear it from the horse's mout. He was on a junkyard exchange program, so he came out here. We had a guy from sun go out, check it out. One thing led to another.

[Dove Davidoff]

These things happen. Santa was killed a long time ago for me. No, no. Yeah. In a proper junkyard. Did you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You forgot about that story.

[Dove Davidoff]

Proper meaning. We would take the forklift, bring up the car, crush the car, ship the metal from Jersey City outward.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's a property.

[Adam Carolla]

Every third cop show I saw in the 70s, some guy was trapped in the trunk, and they were gonna crush the car. And he was in the trunk, and it was on the conveyor belt. There was like. They had, like, three themes, and that was just one of them. That was one of the three. It's like the first time any writer saw the car crusher, they went, got an idea.

[Dove Davidoff]

I got an idea. What if we put the chick in the trunk?

[Adam Carolla]

What if someone's in the trunk of that?

[Dove Davidoff]

What's scarier than that?

[Adam Carolla]

It would be nothing scary.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I wanted to do a show once where you go back and trace the truck and see the first time that it was done. Like, the first time a countdown to a bomb stopped at 001.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then everybody did it. Or the first time that happened.

[Dove Davidoff]

Or the wire clips.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. There's. There was an interesting rabbit hole to go down to find the first instance of whatever that was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

I would like the etymology.

[Adam Carolla]

The first. Obviously the first time it got woven in the car crush thing had to be, like, just months after the first car crusher was put in there because someone saw it and went, oh, y. Yeah. So you guys. Now let me say I've been to a lot of junkyards because I used to have to go pull parts.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. We did it both. So we would pull them or they would pull them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We'd come out, I'd be driving it. You know, you call them up like, I got a 77 Datsun Nissan 2 liter. Do you have a starter?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. You have a catalytic converter for that rig?

[Adam Carolla]

I could go to the auto parts place and pay full price for it, but I'd rather go to Sun Valley and get under a car someone was killed in.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Some of those cars you'd walk up to and go, oh, nobody lived inside of this car.

[Dove Davidoff]

I used to Go with the tow truck of the flatbed and pick those cars up that you're talking about. That's how they get to the junction.

[Adam Carolla]

Starter's haunted.

[Dove Davidoff]

Starter's haunted.

[Adam Carolla]

So now the yards here all had a few things. They weren't on slabs or even asphalt. They're on dirt. But the dirt had so much transmission fluid and oil, the PA would come. It was so like, it was compacted.

[Dove Davidoff]

Dead ground.

[Adam Carolla]

It was just dead. There was no weeds and nothing could grow.

[Dove Davidoff]

Environmental hazard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. But it was almost as if it was paved. Yes, because it was so compacted from having transmission oil and engine oil dumped into it 247 and having forklifts and trucks drive over it all the time.

[Dove Davidoff]

This dilettante knows nothing about what you're saying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was like, I'm just learning about junkyard.

[Adam Carolla]

It was as the same as having a paved.

[Dove Davidoff]

Might as well have been paved. Why pave it?

[Adam Carolla]

Then there would be parts, like good parts up front. Up front there was an office and the office might have some shelves or display case or something. And that's where the Alpine stereo would be or the CB or the expensive tachometer.

[Dove Davidoff]

Or there were signs saying, if we don't have it, you don't need it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, stuff like that. Right, right, right. A lot of they used to have the sign of. They have the caricature of the guy on his back laughing real hard and say, you want it? When I miss. Insulting signs.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Tremendous.

[Adam Carolla]

They're now all eagles and inspiration.

[Dove Davidoff]

Now it's all about the customer.

[Adam Carolla]

Back then, I was going to engine shops, machine shops, transmission shops.

[Dove Davidoff]

It was almost overtly hostile at times.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you know, Bill Hyatt's head shop and a cam grinding shop. And it go. You could have it in three days or you could help and have it in a week. You know, like, what am I, retarded? Why am I being. I'm here to drop money off. Why am I getting yelled at? That. Yeah, it was a lot of like, you're not going to get it when you want it. And you. And if you try to get involved with this process, all you're going to do is it up. And there was tons of insulting signs. So that's the front office.

[Dove Davidoff]

It was an adversarial experience from the beginning. You know, they'd come in, they want it for a little less.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

I mean, it was. It's an intense.

[Adam Carolla]

They might also have like a mascot, like a cat.

[Dove Davidoff]

We had a dog.

[Adam Carolla]

A dog or parrot or something. You know, they've just hang around in that office with the one air conditioner.

[Dove Davidoff]

Or a guy from another machine shop that was supposed to be on the clock somewhere else. We always had a guy who used to run the Kmart machine shop and he would hang out in the office all day long.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How long did you live work at the junction?

[Dove Davidoff]

I grew up in it from the time I was born until I left Jersey.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you'd bring the cars in, you'd stack them, your crush em. But first you'd have to strip the good stuff, right?

[Dove Davidoff]

Catalytic converters, radiators. You pull the aluminum off everything, right.

[Adam Carolla]

But stuff like radiators were tough because in a collision, a frontal collision, the radiator was always the first thing to go. But the starter was usually pretty. You could grab the starter?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, the starter. I mean the motor.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you.

[Dove Davidoff]

I mean in a front ecology you couldn't often, but yeah, I mean the motors. And then we would have a motor room, a transmission room. And then. And then, yeah, you'd put the car out depending on how jammed up it was. Or you'd crush it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You'd all have like a separate oral gratification room.

[Dove Davidoff]

Listen, you do what you gotta do. He was a leader of men. Nothing gay about him.

[Adam Carolla]

Was your. In order to have oral sex at one's own wedding with a male. Why you'd think there'd be some substance involved.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, not if you were married to my mother. That's how far left she was. My mother was out there. There were no guardrails. My mother was in sort of Ivy League pianist. She was on her way to meet her friend in India. She was on her way to India to teach piano.

[Adam Carolla]

She works at penis Ivy League and hooks up with the junkyard.

[Dove Davidoff]

She was on her way to meet her. She was on her way to teach piano in India. Stopped off to meet her friend in Jersey who was a lesbian woman. A woman with a mother.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I really.

[Dove Davidoff]

That monkey owner.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I honestly thought you said she had an Ivy League penis. And I really got confused.

[Dove Davidoff]

Pianist. That monkey owner was renting an old house from my father. And that's how they met. My father had an eighth grade education. My mother's Ivy, blah blah, blah, blah. So I got into fucking comedy. And then you realize how fragile that existence is. So I built the building and now it's no longer fragile.

[Adam Carolla]

When did they get divorced?

[Dove Davidoff]

Two years after they were married. They started on that right away.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the guy.

[Dove Davidoff]

It was a pretty wild scene.

[Adam Carolla]

But she was still in this refractory period from being blown at his wedding by a dude when he started in on the divorce.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Still in refractory, probably when the divorce proceedings started.

[Dove Davidoff]

It was a classic refractory divorce.

[Adam Carolla]

How does one you don't know? Listen, look, I'm with you. I found out as an adult that my mom, who's one of the weirdest, worst people ever, but sort of like your mom, minus the education and piano.

[Dove Davidoff]

But my mother's a good person.

[Adam Carolla]

Work ethic and stuff, but super nutty progressive. Yes. I found out that she met my stepdad in primal scream therapy.

[Dove Davidoff]

Holy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I couldn't beat off for a month. It fucked me up. I did not want to know any of that. And when I start pressing you for information, like, well, did your dad get blown in the bathroom, or was it in the coat room? Or the. Of course you don't want to hear. You don't want to know anything.

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, my mother was wrapped up in a cult. She went to India for a bit. I was in India for a bit on Sai Baba's ashram, but she was wrapped up in a cult looking for God. She spent a lot of her money on free dried food awaiting the nuclear apocalypse.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How'd that work out for her?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, well, you know the answer to that question.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she still with us?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, now she's a psychoanalyst painter in the lower side of Manhattan on sdr.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We brought in his mom and my mom, and we played the Newlywed Game, but with your kid, to see who knows their mom or son better. And she did. We won. My mom and I won. But it came close. It was pretty close. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you guys had an interesting and honest relationship.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. Two. Honest.

[Adam Carolla]

Too honest.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

I think you should protect your kids from certain things. I have a kid. I wouldn't talk to him in certain.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's talk about this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So you're saying that if you get blown by dude at a wedding, you wouldn't tell your son?

[Dove Davidoff]

I'm saying you're gonna blow me, and I'm not gonna tell my kid.

[Adam Carolla]

He's saying he didn't.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why are you going hypothetical?

[Dove Davidoff]

I'm saying I'm gonna hit you in the head. You're gonna suck my gut.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, let's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My gaydar is going.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's break this down. Okay. So I've always said less history, more mystery. And there was a movement, and. Dov, we're approximately the same age.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, 51.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm older, but there was a movement amongst the progressives, so the whole sort of vibe Global warming and all this environmental stuff, all the stuff we're talking about today was in full effect in 1973. I know. Cause I lived it with my mom. All the food and the health food, all the same subjects were. She was talking about fluoride being bad for you in 1972. So nothing is new. None of what we're talking about is new. It just gets sort of forgotten about and then gets passed on to the next generation. And they think they've. They've discovered it.

[Dove Davidoff]

The infiltration of corporate organizations might be a little bit new, but nothing is new.

[Adam Carolla]

Change the name. It used to be called Ecology.

[Dove Davidoff]

Right? Now it's called the SGA or something.

[Adam Carolla]

And now it's Global Climate Change or whatever the fuck it was, but none of it's new. But this. So there was a movement, and it was like a late 60s, early 70s, kind of kids are people too. Like, kids deserve to be treated like adults and so on and so forth mixed with the truth. Like, you can never go wrong with the truth. The truth is for all, right?

[Dove Davidoff]

Not true.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. So my mom, being a hippie, would have conversations with me at age 8 that I never needed to fucking hear. Because she's like, but you're an adult. You're not an adult, but you're human and you deserve the truth. Yeah, she's talking about me being molested by my neighbor Ed. And it's weird to me because I'm eight and it sounds all fucked up, but my mom would have those conversations. But it was sort of a hippie progressive thing, and it doesn't help. And I'm 100% right. I looked at it as my mission to shield my kids from all this fucking shit. I used to sit around my mom and we'd watch Roots, you know, and she just like, look at me and go, do you see what we do? Do you see who we are? Do you see who you are? I'm like, I'm fucking nine and I'm impoverished, Mom. I have nothing. We don't own anything.

[Dove Davidoff]

I don't know what you told me.

[Adam Carolla]

No Corolla ever owned a slave. I'll tell you that right the fuck now we have nothing. So why are you looking at me?

[Dove Davidoff]

No, it's bananas, right? You know, it gets bananas, you know, I mean. And you know, even the privilege narrative, it comes from, like, the kids I grew up with are competing with black guys for jobs. I mean, privilege, the Queen of England is privileged. And then how do we define any of that? So, yes, they get pulled over by the cops less. But cool it with the privilege. In certain demographics I end up blonde.

[Adam Carolla]

Chick at a wedding who's old, you know, go back with work wise for a long time pulling me aside and giving me a discussion about privilege. And I'm like, you're big yourself. You're big titted. She's a big titted hot blonde who went to ucla. Of course I went to a construction site, dug ditches.

[Dove Davidoff]

Save your fucking junkyard. Where the fuck is the privilege?

[Adam Carolla]

Save your fucking speech for someone who's experienced some of it because you go.

[Dove Davidoff]

To Beverly Hills and do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I am white and I'm a heterosexual and I'm six two. But I grew up in poverty on welfare and food stamps and did manual labor. My entire life was warehouse and never went to college. Save your fucking privilege. Save it, save it discussion. And elitist like Ralph, on the other hand, the one job I tried Ralph when I was 19 because I was so fucking poor and rudderless. I walked to the North Hollywood fire station and I said, I want to sign up to be a fireman. And they said, we're not hiring white dudes. This was back in the early 80s. They said, well, it's Los Angeles. I go. The guy goes, we're ahead of the curve. The guy goes, you can fill out an application, but it's going to be years.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I wrote I was a strip club DJ when I was on this show last time I did you a little strip club nonsense. But I had written a book about being in strip clubs and. And we sent it to a couple of book companies and one company came back said we love the book. And they accidentally cc'd me on the reply all, it's too bad that he's white. Or we would sign. We would take the book.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would that factor in?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At the time they weren't signing white dudes for whatever reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dove Davidoff]

No. It's well known that everybody only wanted to read books by Black strip club DJs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. So yes, I lived with my mom.

[Dove Davidoff]

But also a lot of that shit with your mom. I don't know if she's accepted. Is she still when she's passed.

[Adam Carolla]

But did she took it to the grave?

[Dove Davidoff]

She took it to the grave. I think my mother will too.

[Adam Carolla]

She went full Jane Fonda.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. And even though her.

[Adam Carolla]

She reminds me of a really unsuccessful heavy Jane Fonda. That's how I would describe her. Jane Fonda shaped like a parent, had no money.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my mom attractive?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, I think my mother will, too. It's a very attractive image. No, but they'll take it to the grave. And no matter how obvious it is that that narrative sort of or aspects of that culture have really failed, you know, I mean, there are aspects of it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is it not fair to say that certain aspects of both sides of the coin are wrong or you're not willing to at least.

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, that's not the conversation I need to have with my mother. The pain I experienced was by way of her ridiculousness.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you take her up in Kenya.

[Dove Davidoff]

If you grew up in Kentucky and you're gay and your parents were hardcore Christians, you can take it up with them.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, but the. No, no. But with my mother, it's like. It's like even taking the rails off traditional gender roles and sexuality, it's like, yeah, go marry a guy who also bangs. See how that works out for your marriage and your children. And send your kid to school in a working class environment with PETA and see what happens to your kid after he gets thrown out of high school. Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Ralph. Yeah. So your mom knew what she signed up for and that your dad. And do you think your dad was the only bisexual junkyard owner in New Jersey?

[Dove Davidoff]

No, but certainly in the pretty elite.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Club, I would imagine.

[Adam Carolla]

It's rare finding, I think in the.

[Dove Davidoff]

County, I would say he was the guy in the county. I can't claim that he was the state champion. He might have been state champ. And you're in a time where, you know, you couldn't, you know that that was not a thing. You didn't. This was not the West Village.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can I ask, do you know, like, how did she find out at the. Did she find out at the wedding?

[Dove Davidoff]

I don't even know if she frowned upon such things. I mean, she was out there, man, for real.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My mom married someone, my father, and he was Syrian. Generation you. And they. That side of the family was against my mom marrying her. Him. Because she was not Syrian. And at the wedding, his mom tried to set my dad up with one of the other women at the wedding.

[Bill Maher]

That's hilarious.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not married yet. He's still got time.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. At the wedding.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At the wedding. Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not as bad as, you know, blowing a guy, but still something I have.

[Adam Carolla]

No idea about my parents and their marriage. I've never. I don't think I've ever seen pictures of it. I never.

[Dove Davidoff]

Because you didn't want.

[Adam Carolla]

I realized, like, really early that these guys were dysfunctional and not in any way, shape or form a role model for me. I realized that early on and generally embarrassing. I was always humiliated by my parents.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Were they divorced early on in your life or did they stay married the whole time?

[Adam Carolla]

My family is so fucked up in a non. They're so untraditional that first off, my dad. I was just talking about it. My dad just died a couple of months ago and I got a bag with a Tony Bennett CD in it and a book that a friend of mine wrote. And that was.

[Dove Davidoff]

That was the estate.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the estate. It's in the next room. It's a Tony Bennett cd. The Rational Bible.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Was it at least autographed prayer?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it was autographed. No, it was autographed to me. But I realized later on when I was trying to do the math on it. Why would he have a Tony Bennett CD that was autographed to me that he didn't give me? I realized I interviewed Tony Bennett on Loveline. Tony Bennett autographed it to me and I gave it to my family.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How do you hand it back to you?

[Adam Carolla]

So I just got it back.

[Dove Davidoff]

Amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But my family was so untraditional that and had so much of nothing that when my dad and my mom separated, there was no paperwork and there was no reason to get divorced. Because all that would mean is you'd probably have to give someone, the county clerk $60 that they didn't have. He didn't have possessions. She didn't have possessions. Neither one of them really wanted the kids. So he got in his VW bug and he just left. And he didn't even have a place to go. So he went to his in laws house. He went to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

To your mom's parents.

[Adam Carolla]

Mom's parents.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow, that's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

And slept in an oversized closet is.

[Dove Davidoff]

How you end up in comedy. You think it's you trying to reconcile all these things, all the paradoxes.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I was always just funny. Like I don't think it was like a lot of pain. I mean there was. But I was always had a sense of humor.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, I did too. But also trying to figure things out and then you end up in these spaces because it's a pretty extreme low probability thing to do with your life.

[Adam Carolla]

Comedy. Comedy or sleeping your in laws closet in low too.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's lower actually sleep with your in laws because it would be cool. Like you went there for Christmas and dad's sleeping on the floor. That would be cool.

[Adam Carolla]

He moved into their closet. Now keep in mind he's 42 years old, he has nothing. You know what I mean? We started the show by saying they're evacuating Malibu. When that happened three weeks ago, when the winds kicked up, I drove to Burbank and checked into a fucking hotel at 3am and I took a credit card out of my wallet. Like I got into a car that was fully insured and I drove it to Burbank. My dad couldn't do that. He didn't have. He couldn't go. So by the way, this is North Hollywood, 1972. I mean, apartments were 85 bucks a month. You know, he could not cut it. So he went and stayed in the closet. And at some point, the grandparents got tired of him living. It's only a one bedroom, one bath house. He had to go through the bedroom to use the bathroom every day.

[Dove Davidoff]

He's an adult.

[Adam Carolla]

So at some point they go, jim, you got, you gotta pack it in.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know if you know the answer to this, but did they let him stay there? Cause they thought maybe they would, he would work it out with their daughter. And so they were being nice.

[Adam Carolla]

They didn't. I don't think they cared about the daughter or him. I think he was a complete mercy mission. He had no money, he couldn't take care of himself, and he had nowhere to go. So they said, crash in the closet and walk through our bedroom when you need to use the bathroom.

[Dove Davidoff]

By the way, reconcile any of that insanity and chaos. So your mother took it to the grave. What about your father?

[Adam Carolla]

Did you go?

[Dove Davidoff]

What was I thinking? Was that moment you were like, oh, yeah, no, I get it. You must have been through a lot of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

My mom. Now this is a couple of interesting things. My mom did not leave anything behind, but she did leave a note. No CDs, no CDs, no book. I got a treasure trove from my dad. Now, these are two people that make, made it to 90 and lived in the San Fernando Valley their entire life. And they've amassed nothing. They have nothing. Well, so my mom left a note. So my mom's thing, which you'll probably vibe with this dove, which is, we're seeing it now. She didn't want to work, she didn't want to pay taxes, she didn't want to do things. But she did like to make proclamations. You know what I mean? And you know, every child needs a safe space and needs a seat at the table and world class education. It's like, bitch, you don't pay taxes. How are we gonna pull this? Well, the Rich have to pay their fair share. She paid nothing.

[Dove Davidoff]

She's voting to have the train built right? She wants the train.

[Adam Carolla]

She pays nothing. But she made a lot of proclamations. And my grandmother was, like, sort of communist and weird. Like my grandmother, her mother. Her mother. When I told her I bought a big hacienda house on top of Lake Hollywood, big sprawling manor, you know. And I basically said to my grandma, because we come from poverty, you know, I said, I bought. Basically I own a mansion now. Like, I'm living in a mansion. And she said to me, she had a helper, like a Filipino lady who helped her shit out, named, like, Delia. She said to. Said, delia doesn't have a kitchen table. And I said, you're her boss. She give her some fucking money, she'll buy a kitchen table. That's her response. Not that she would pay her anything to do something she would blame it on. How dare I live in a mansion when her helper doesn't have a table? And it's like, hey, bitch, I know you feel better, but guess who's paying her? You pay her so you could pay her more hourly. Buy her a kitchen table.

[Dove Davidoff]

What's the extension?

[Adam Carolla]

But you won't do that, will you?

[Dove Davidoff]

What's the extension of that narrative? Is that what you throw all your money into the ocean to help every. Like, what is the extension of that?

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of. It helps those look at their core. They're selfish and cheap at their core. They don't want to look in the mirror and see a selfish, cheap person who doesn't contribute to society. They want to see a person who cares. So they make a lot of proclamations about Delia and her table while never paying for Delia and her table and then accusing Elon Musk of having too much. And that's why Delia doesn't have a table.

[Dove Davidoff]

Right, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how they. And then they go to bed and they go, I'm a good person.

[Dove Davidoff]

In the face of all of the evidence that socialism shrinks the pie for everyone. It's like what Churchill said, that capitalism is terrible except for all of the others.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And somebody said. Or Thatcher. Someone said, socialism's good until you run out of other people's money.

[Dove Davidoff]

Until you run out of other people's money.

[Adam Carolla]

Keeps. My mom loved that, but she wanted people like me to pay for Delia and her table. Well, she never really thought about getting a job.

[Dove Davidoff]

But if you had another billion dollars, you couldn't pay for all of the Delias. So we Would still have millions of delias. All.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's also a lot of kitchen tables.

[Dove Davidoff]

But it's really a major challenge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. But they should stop feeling like heroes and stop making proclamations.

[Dove Davidoff]

Thousand percent.

[Adam Carolla]

That's who they were, and we're seeing it today. But all that as it's made. My mom and dad were not successful, but my mom was thoughtful enough to know that she was not good and not a good, good mom.

[Dove Davidoff]

So in the context of guilt, what does that mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what my mom would do is every, you know, Olympic season, she would say, look, I know I wasn't a good mom, and I know I would ever.

[Dove Davidoff]

During the Olympics.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, four years.

[Dove Davidoff]

But we did have skiing, didn't we, Ma?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She would get emotional during the decathlon.

[Dove Davidoff]

I thought you guys just shared a passion for the downslope. Once every four years, we'd bond.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I wouldn't necessarily be connected to the Olympics per se, but every. Every four years. Several fortnights. She didn't own a fort, though.

[Dove Davidoff]

So you guys weren't a fort.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Dove Davidoff]

I tell you, this dumb guy's pretty slow.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta get my analysis worked out. I'm confusing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So she would go like, oh, I know I wasn't a good parent, but there was great love. But then I'm gonna go back to doing nothing and acting how I acted and doing whatever.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you feel that she was in love? Like, she was loved? They loved her.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. What I realized, and it's why I have such a burr in my saddle that I don't own a horse. Duff. That is not a horse.

[Dove Davidoff]

So where do you buy these saddles at?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. Duff. It's a phrase.

[Dove Davidoff]

I swear to God, I'm not a moron.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm turning a phrase. I didn't take a horse.

[Dove Davidoff]

I'm taking poetic license. Dove.

[Adam Carolla]

So what I realized, and it's why I have such a visceral reaction to it, which is when AOC makes the proclamation like, no child should be put in a cage or whatever, it's like, bitch, you better work something out then. Because if you're coming here unaccompanied, we can't just put you into the interior of the country. Like, work it out. No, no, you do no working out. You make proclamations.

[Dove Davidoff]

And that's what.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what my mom did.

[Dove Davidoff]

And so everybody should have fill in the blank. How do we do that economically?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So we're not. When my mom died, I was presented with a note, and the note was about A half page, typed. But I didn't get a separate note from my sister. We got the same note.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

One note, meaning. Wait, two copies or one note for the two of you?

[Adam Carolla]

We had two copies of the same note. Which. First off. All right, so just.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's insane.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just think about it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your child.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's insane.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? My sister and I are very different people who've taken very different trajectories in life. And we really. Although we're good, and I get along with her and I love her, we have nothing in common. I mean, I did this, she did that. You know, she cut hair. I got into comedy. You know, it's just a totally different. A totally different thing. So the idea. And we were raised different, and I was a sports guy, and she ran away from home when she was young. And the idea that there'd be one page that would sort of COVID both of us is insane.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Take care of your brother in parentheses or sister.

[Adam Carolla]

Dear sir or ma'am. So here's the whole point. My mom, before she died, went, I gotta shit something out that covers me for eternity. So I'll just write a thing that basically said, even though I didn't do any of the things that would have been an expression of love, I hope you understand there was great love. Thanks.

[Dove Davidoff]

Your mom's proclamation right to the end, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And so I was like, oh, you just want to assuage not cooking any meals or saving up for college. You just got. You just thought you had something to present.

[Dove Davidoff]

On top of that, you photocopied one.

[Adam Carolla]

Letter you're gonna present.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's also weird. It was titled To Whom It May Concern.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

To Whom It May Conserve.

[Adam Carolla]

You may already be a winner. Yeah. Mr. And Mrs. Permanent dweller. That's what showed up with the Penny Saver. She wanted something to Pres. St. Peter. Right? She wanted to St. Peter. Hey, look, I didn't do anything that was good as a mom, but I did craft this. I shit this out 10 minutes before I died. I gave him a copy. Each kid's got a copy. Was she a narcissist for real? I would argue that creating one document, not a one for the son and one for the daughter, just a one document. Proves my point. You're actually. You're arguing with your own point when you're saying there was great love. It's like you couldn't crap out a separate one for cis.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did it say dictated but not read at the end also?

[Dove Davidoff]

No, no. It's a cataclysmic irony.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it is. It's ironic, but of the highest order. Well, it's ironic that you craft.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't think it's ironic. I think it confirms who she was as a person.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, but the irony is that she was trying to communicate devotion even though there was no evidence.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't think so. I think what he says is she's trying to. Yeah. Make sure that she's good on the other side. I don't think she was doing. Wrote that letter out of love. I don't know. I don't know her.

[Dove Davidoff]

I think she did write it out of love.

[Adam Carolla]

I think. Well, it's both. You're both correct in that she has crafted something to sort of say, you know, look, long suffering wife, I cheated on you and had many affairs. And I know I was an alcoholic and I know gambled all the money away, but there was great, great love. There's great love now.

[Dove Davidoff]

Now I guess that love is a.

[Adam Carolla]

Philosophical question and my argument is, no, there was not great love because if there was great love, there'd be motivation.

[Dove Davidoff]

There's no evidence of great love.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Or at least two different.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Or I'll tell you what, I'll make you a trade. Keep your love, right? I'll take pot. I'll take hot meatloaf and pot roast. I'll take food and a college fund.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And a used car.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's like executives in LA going, we love you, we love you.

[Adam Carolla]

You keep the love. I'll get.

[Dove Davidoff]

Take that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take the food part.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. When I used to talk to executives, they'd be like, we love you. It's like, if my parents love me like that, I would have been left on a doorstep. We love you, we love you. What does it mean? What did it mean?

[Adam Carolla]

But the irony part, was she a real narcissist? The irony part that you speak of is that the letter, the fact that there was only one produced for the two kids makes my point. And you actually torpedo your own. The. The reason you wrote the letter, it was to assuage yourself of this or to have us not think a certain way. The fact that there's one letter means that's exactly who you were.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's it exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Confirming who she is.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's funny.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's incredibly funny. It's like a Woody Allen movie.

[Adam Carolla]

My saying that's never been truer is disappointers never disappoint. They always disappoint the people. It's like people that are late are always late. Everywhere, all the time even. It's fucking places they want to go. They're late. And disappointers always disappoint. And when I say never disappoint, I mean it's always on brand.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

On brand.

[Adam Carolla]

Always on brand. If there was two letters.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And a Duesenberg parked in the garage with my name on it. And my stepdad pulled me aside and went, you know, she wanted you to have something.

[Dove Davidoff]

Is always disappointing. Always believe some believe someone. After a while you give somebody believe.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Someone tells you when they tell you who they are. Believe them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although I would argue.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I dated a girl for a long time that was always late when it was something that I wanted to do. But never late when it was something she wanted to do. And that was the reason enough to break up with her. That's a little different.

[Adam Carolla]

See, that always annoys me more because it proves that they can be on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Power dinner's at 8. When it was really at 8:30 so that we'd be there on time.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She was hot.

[Adam Carolla]

In my defense. Okay, well that's how they learn it. That's the society turns a blind eye.

[Dove Davidoff]

I blame Ralph. Is encouraging bad behavior.

[Adam Carolla]

I will say this. I've been with more than one woman who.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

Who was told. I thought you were such a Dubstance wedding.

[Dove Davidoff]

Wait a second. You were there?

[Adam Carolla]

I blew your dad. I told you.

[Dove Davidoff]

I'll be dead. This guys.

[Adam Carolla]

So my knees still smell like transmission fluid from doing it on the earth.

[Dove Davidoff]

On the junkyard Earth. It felt like pavement on my knees.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Corolla's knee prints all over your junkyard.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, who's the only one guy that wears tough skins with reinforced knees? That's Corolla.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, that's the Laguna Seca room with the logo Got head.

[Adam Carolla]

So I've been with many women who have been the recipient of the timeline.

[Dove Davidoff]

What does that mean?

[Adam Carolla]

The flight's at 3, but you gotta tell her it's a 2. You have to tell her it's 2. We can't get. We can't afford.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It only works for so long.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Dove Davidoff]

Brian Callan is that person in my life. He gets the timeline.

[Adam Carolla]

We give the timeline.

[Dove Davidoff]

Get Brian Callan to show. Yeah, yeah, I give him the timeline.

[Adam Carolla]

And so what I'm saying to those people, and I now think that maybe up to 65% of women have gotten the recipient of the timeline. Their friends lie to them. You start lying, you know. Oh, the movie. Yeah, the movie starts at. Yeah, you want to get into the fucking movie? You don't want to miss the previews. You got to lie. Right. People should internalize that a little bit. Like they should really take a look in the mirror and realize I'm an adult who's being lied to by my community.

[Dove Davidoff]

I'm talking about a reflective capacity. And when you're being lied to, when people are laughing at your jokes and buying your dinner, like Ralph and pretending that nothing's going on, I've been laughing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At your jokes and buying the girls dinner.

[Dove Davidoff]

You know, it's. I mean, it's the same thing. It's. It's. You're asking someone who lacks a reflective capacity to be reflective.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was on it. I would generally do this if it's a first date. If I'm on a first date, I'll lie about the time. So I'll say like, oh, dinner's at 7 when the reservation.

[Dove Davidoff]

7:15 minutes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That buys me 30 minutes. Because you could start at 7:30 for the first date usually and had a girl show.

[Adam Carolla]

So you have a whole policy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Assuming on a first date. I don't know, people run. Women run late. So that's why I do it. But if it's. If they're showing up at the tail end of that. So they're showing up at 7:30, I will leave.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I will have an. I will actually wait till they show up sometimes to tell them, this is not who I am. You're disrespecting my timeline, and we'll leave. And I've had a girl once. I think I told you the story. Where at? When she came and I was leaving, she said, where are you going?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I said, well, you know. And that's. It's like 30 minutes late. You haven't even called me.

[Dove Davidoff]

I respect that about you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then she said, well, what did you want to show up, a Lamborghini or a Ford?

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I said, well, I wanted you to show up on time. I didn't know what kind of car we were driving. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then I said, how about you.

[Dove Davidoff]

Saying, go fuck yourself?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I said something like, you know, I'm sure you're used to people putting up with this because you're so beautiful, bubba, but. And then she started crying at the. At the restaurant. It was wild.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was a wild moment.

[Dove Davidoff]

I love it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I am guilty of very often swallowing my pride to get laid, but every once in a while, you know, I try to do a little bit for humanity.

[Dove Davidoff]

I'm not that guilty of that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dove will walk out Immediately.

[Dove Davidoff]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear this. And speaking of swallowing, did your dad BL the guy?

[Dove Davidoff]

I never asked. I said, is he with reciprocal kind of cat or.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is. But what you're saying is if you're half hour late on the first date, this can be a long relationship.

[Dove Davidoff]

I just cut something short with a girl. I said, do you know you said like about 12 times in the last 60 seconds. She goes, don't criticize. I said, listen, if you can't hear that, you can't hear anything. If you extend that out, I don't know what the next two dates are gonna be. Oh, that's how horrible life gets if you're that.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I have noticed, especially younger women and especially. Who are you hanging around?

[Dove Davidoff]

You say like every two fucking seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

You start, you try to coach em up a little bit, they get really hostile and you're like, I'm just telling you whatever, and they start getting whatever.

[Dove Davidoff]

You should thank me for having that observation about you, as I would you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dove Davidoff]

Making your life better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You would know your pussy smelled if I didn't make you. Absolutely.

[Dove Davidoff]

You're like a herring down there. I'm tell. He's going to break up with you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. No, it's. It's a generational thing because we. I grew up just being yelled at on football fields by guys and fat guys and windbreakers, just yelling at me the whole time. And I took it as sort of. Then I walked off a football field, walked on a construction site and got yelled at by the guy's older brother who was my foreman on a construction site. And I just thought, well, the guy cares enough to tell me I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and how to do it right. And I realized women didn't play enough sports, so they missed out on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, they say that that's why men are so much better handling rejection and handling adversity. Because we're so used to being denied dates with women.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That we're used to that and we're just losing. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I played three years. We only had three years of high school football, but I played three years of high school football. Yeah. My two varsity years, we were probably. Probably four and 14, you know, majority losing.

[Dove Davidoff]

You know, it's an important part of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm sorry. To understand why your parents didn't love you.

[Dove Davidoff]

Exactly. Had you been able to throw a fucking ball, your mother might have shown you some more.

[Adam Carolla]

I was all. I was an all valley football player.

[Dove Davidoff]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad's house was across the street.

[Dove Davidoff]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Across the street. Did he go to the gang of high school? No, he did not. Holy shit.

[Dove Davidoff]

And holy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I could remember sitting in our living room, which faced the high school football field. I could see the lights, the glow from the lights. And I could hear the. I could hear the drumming from my dad's living room. But here's a trope in a movie. You ready for a movie trope? Gotta figure out the first time it happened. I'll tell you one thing I never did. I never did the move where I was, like, in the middle of the game, and I looked to the bleachers and I saw the empty seat. That's right, Jim Carolla would have been on that bench. I'm like, that old fuck's nowhere near the stadium. I never looked. They do it. They'd be playing in the middle of the Gator Bowl. The quarterback would, like, get under center on the 33 yard line. He'd be yelling, omaha. And at some point, he'd look and he'd spot. The stadium holds 116. 116,000 people. He'd spot. Spot the open seat. By the way, a black guy would be sitting in. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. This the third quarter, the black guy would be sitting in that seat, the open seat for dad. He spots it. He knows the number.

[Dove Davidoff]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

He's playing in a way game. How can he find the open seat?

[Dove Davidoff]

Flow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, aren't the coaches pissed?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, listen, get in the catch ahead of the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would you read the defense instead of looking?

[Dove Davidoff]

Spot that guy in a split sec. How about reading those?

[Adam Carolla]

See the nickel Pac? The nickel package that started in one movie.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, for sure. The looking at the phone before you hang it up is a big one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The spitting blood after you punch in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's a lot of them.

[Adam Carolla]

The other one that makes me mad is the 5. 5, 5. When it's unnecessary.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, there's some times when you need to see the guy dialing or something, but when the guy's on the phone. Can I call you back?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, your number. All right. Five, five, five. It's like, you didn't have to say that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You just pretend to write it down.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We know.

[Dove Davidoff]

You're making a phone call. And also the minuscule bites of food when, you know, somebody goes into a scene, they're really hungry, they just got off a horse. They haven't eaten in three days. And then they go take one little pee. You know, those little. Not a trope. It's a trope.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think it was in. I'm looking at you. Dust in. God. What was the college. The program. I think it was the program, Joe. I'm looking.

[Ralph Sutton]

The Disney movie where they lied in the middle of the street. That one?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I didn't know that was a Disney movie. What about Disney movie? Okay, well, I think it was the program. And in the program, the quarterback had the white trash dad, and he got under center and he did the movement where he knew his. Maybe his dad was taking a piss or grabbing a beer. You know what I mean? I'm not going to spend that much time. I've been to football games. I'm in the beer line, up top.

[Dove Davidoff]

Why didn't your father show up?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Too busy nailing that rush.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't like. He didn't like things or stuff. He didn't. He didn't really know. He didn't know he was supposed to or something.

[Dove Davidoff]

How's that possible? How do you. How's that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but my dad.

[Dove Davidoff]

You have to be a schizophrenic to not know. You should show up once in a while.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad had a, like, bottomless sort of ability. Like, weird little things. Like one time I was at a little market with him up Beechwood Canyon, and I was buying some groceries or something, and he was like, hanging out, sort of killing time. And there was a magazine that had me on the cuff. It was like, I don't know, Wired magazine or something. I don't know. But I was on the COVID It wasn't Sports Illustrated. No, but there was a Wheaties box, and I saw my dad pick it up. Like I was checking out. And I was kind of watching him, and he looked at it and he sort of went like, huh? I looked at it for a minute and he put it back in and we left. And he didn't flip it open.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But he. At least they say, hey, look.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he didn't open it.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

He.

[Dove Davidoff]

But that's incredible.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Had you not looked back, you wouldn't have seen it. If you weren't looking at him, he would acknowledge it. I mean, that's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but he didn't hide it. He didn't care. Like, his thing was. His thing would be what's. So.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, but that's profoundly. Yeah, but it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can't get away with that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but that is. It's next. It's next. Level. That's the crazy part.

[Dove Davidoff]

I walked into brunch with David Lee Roth. We became friends, went to stop by my mother's house. And then after David left, I said. She said something about, you know, I said something about, you know, that guy is, you know, he's. He's well known guy. She said, we're all people. But how I felt is like, yes, we are all people, but you can also acknowledge that's not the everyday guest.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right.

[Dove Davidoff]

You know, and so. And so the inability to acknowledge that was some rejection of something.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's layered. It's very layered.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. It's the. It's the opposite of being a parent.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's the total opposite.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the total opposite of being.

[Dove Davidoff]

If my kid didn't trip while running down the hall one day, I would give him a hug, be proud of him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we have the program dad scene. Yeah, I'll tell you, that's a good pull, guys. I'll make it real fast because I bore the audience with this story a million times. But my mom's exactly the same. She showed up with a.

[Dove Davidoff]

Shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

With a tape of John stuff, and she told me Jon Stewart's the funniest guy she'd ever seen. She saw him on Oprah and she loved Jon Stewart. And then she said to me, do you know who Jon Stewart is? And I was like, we're on the same network.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It seems unnecessary.

[Adam Carolla]

We have the same agent. And then at some point, I said, yeah, I know Jon Stewart. He's a good friend of mine. And she said, he's a little hit and miss. And she threw the tape away. We never watched the tape.

[Dove Davidoff]

Fucking incredible. I was doing a cop show with Goldblum and he said. He told me his mother, after one of his movies came out like a big movie early on in his career, was proud of it. His mother said, don't my hair. Your movie's not doing so well.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. It's weird. You know what's funny?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, it explains why you both.

[Adam Carolla]

In a while. Once in a while, I would say something to my grandmother, who was. Who was active, about, oh, sorry, Joe, you got this scene, find my grandma, put me down just so these two can listen.

[Dove Davidoff]

I'd love to see.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to claim to be the king of disinterested parents, but you're top five.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My grandma or paternal grandmother.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my mom's mom.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. Maternal.

[Adam Carolla]

Maternal. All right, sorry. We'll play the scene. Got one More game left this season. I don't know how much I'll play or if I'll play at all, but I'd like you to be there.

[Ralph Sutton]

How would you feel about introducing your drunken dad to your friends?

[Adam Carolla]

You think about that. You don't have to be drunk. The game's at noon. We get drunk after the game. We don't need to tailgate. I could deal with it if you could. These guys are always these like pop pretty boys. They're like 5, 9 and 145.

[Dove Davidoff]

He's got his collar up in the back, but down in the front.

[Adam Carolla]

Ticket for the game. 50 yard line.

[Dove Davidoff]

Seat 50.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At least he knows where the seat is. That adds a little bit to the believability of it. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

See if they can make it to midfield. Give him a ticket.

[Dove Davidoff]

In Carollo's biopic, his father never shows up.

[Adam Carolla]

Never gonna. I just. I didn't mean the whole.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can we started from the opening credits.

[Adam Carolla]

For the scene where he looked and saw the open scene.

[Producer/Host]

Not.

[Adam Carolla]

Not that act way one of the movie. I was talking about the trope of looking at a stadium and seeing an open seat. Right. But that was just the whole scene about him and his. I don't know why you would arrive at that scene. Well, hold on. Do we not have the scene? We have the whole movie, so we'll go to that. Right? But stop when you find the scene I described in great detail. That's me being passive aggressive.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Good job.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my grandmother shortly before she died.

[Dove Davidoff]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm a celebrity.

[Dove Davidoff]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I never think of Adam as a star and I think people do, but I don't think he has big charisma or intelligent.

[Dove Davidoff]

Maybe he.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Play the last 20 seconds back. Cuz he. She. She gets a double dig. I know it's funny. This is my grandma.

[Dove Davidoff]

This is. Fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Shortly before she died.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And how old is she? Like 90?

[Adam Carolla]

Like 93.

[Dove Davidoff]

Two generations of narcissism telling me.

[Adam Carolla]

She's telling a camera crew.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's there for you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's there because I'm shooting a TV show.

[Dove Davidoff]

This is phenomenal.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a fan.

[Dove Davidoff]

Phenomenal stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I never think of Adam as a star and I think people do. But I don't think he has big charisma or charm.

[Dove Davidoff]

But he is intelligent.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe he gets some of that from me.

[Dove Davidoff]

The one that you do have is.

[Adam Carolla]

Attributed to her fucking great sound. If I got. Got 19 seconds to tell anyone where I come from, that's it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She put that on your tombstone.

[Adam Carolla]

Low Charisma. And by the way, she gave birth to my mom, and my mom took that flag.

[Dove Davidoff]

And your mom found your father, who has a lot to do with that. I mean, that's pretty incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

Incredible on both sides.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At least she said. At least other people do. So she acknowledged that you're a celebrity, something. It's a Monica of something.

[Adam Carolla]

She doesn't think of me. It's a way to insulity. But other people do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At least she didn't have to put that on the line. And that's a little something.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's nothing other people do.

[Adam Carolla]

But I didn't lack charisma. Charisma. Charisma's invisible. All grandmothers. Charles Manson's grandmother thought he had a lot of charisma.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you guys get the seat view?

[Dove Davidoff]

You know, in psychological lexicon, they call it a holding period. That even if you had one crazy, narcissistic parent, if you had one that was a proper three dimensional experience, you'll be okay. If you have both, the probability that you're gonna be okay in life is really low. So you beat some odds all.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take that. All right, we got the scene. I guess I would love a little.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Bit of Backstory for about 20 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe Kane will be starting at quarterback. Somebody took a sticker, wrote dad on the seat.

[Dove Davidoff]

He's having a beer with Adam's father, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see it again. Just from a filmmaking standpoint, did we have to stay on the seat for 10 Mississippi and zoom in tight on it, or can we just see that?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's the standard problem with the old movie. They assume people are idiots. Every seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep pulling in. Pull tighter.

[Dove Davidoff]

Keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

Tighter, tighter, tighter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We all needed to know the seat number. It was very important for the storyline.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. There's 81,000 people in that stadium. But he found his dad's empty seat.

[Dove Davidoff]

He found it like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Found the empty seat. His dad's a bigger douche than mine because all this dad had to do is show up. He didn't. First off, you can bring a flask.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And he also said. He said he was coming, which makes it even worse.

[Dove Davidoff]

Why is he a bigger douche than yours? Your father didn't show up either.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your father would say, I'm on my way and not show up because that's what he did.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they probably charged like $4 to get into my head.

[Dove Davidoff]

I would argue he might be better than your father because he would. He didn't want show up intoxicated and embarrass his son, so there was at least some protection.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my dad didn't drink.

[Dove Davidoff]

There you go. That makes it even worse.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Dove Davidoff]

Your father was bone sober, couldn't make it to the game.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, don't bring up Bowen in your dad.

[Dove Davidoff]

Wait a second.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, take a little break. Mayhem's gonna come in here, he's gonna bring the news, and we'll do that right after this. All right, New Year's resolution. Vow to eat healthier. But what about your beloved pets and their nutrition? Yeah, you're doing better, but they're getting a bunch of dried up old kibble. Dr. Venice Black created rough greens and meow greens to bring their dead food back to life with live vitamins and minerals, probiotics, enzymes, omega oils, antioxidants, and more. See, pet food is dead food. And eat dead food. Soon enough you're going to join it. You need to bring it to life all by the way, in a tasty form your dog or cat will love. It'll improve their coat digestion, energy, and mean less vet bills. I've been doing this with Phil holding the sack right now. Vita Smart. You don't have to buy food and keep it in the refrigerator. You just sprinkle this on top of the food you're currently serving your dog or your cat. Get a jump start trial bag. It's normal, normally 20 bucks. It's free. With the promo code Adam, you just cover shipping. It's a free jump start trial bag. That's it. You just go to ruffgreens.com, use the code Adam, try it out for free. Your dog's going to love it. And you'll notice the difference quickly in your dog's vigor and health. Rough greens. So good.

[Bill Maher]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Your pet will ask for it by name. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in depth, I'm talking about deep. That's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent director with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. homes.com. We've done your homework.

[Ralph Sutton]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, Elizabeth from San Luis Obispo. My friend and I were having a discussion over the term banned books. My argument is that we live in a great time where you can order any book at the tip of your finger at any time of the day and it gets delivered to your house. And just because it's not in a school library or a county library and is inaccessible there does not mean it's a banned book. If it were banned, you'd probably go to jail for reading it, like you would in North Korea. She, of course, disagrees. So my question is, what say you? What do you believe? Adam, get it on.

[Ralph Sutton]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's all horseshit, obviously. Like, look, I'll give you. I'll give you an example. Like, banned book. So, like, hobby lobby said, we're religious and we're not paying for birth control pills. You can have insurance, but not paying for birth control pills. And then they go denied their employees birth controls. Like, that's not denying. That's not paying for. I don't buy lunch every day for these guys, but I don't deny them lunch. They can go provide their own lunch for themselves. The band book. Look, first off, they don't believe a fucking word they're saying. That's like in Atlanta, if you hand someone a bottle of water, people can go vote and bring their own fucking water. Everyone brings their water everywhere. I went to the fucking church gym that I brought water. You can stand in line in regard. No, you can't go talk to them within 100ft or give them shit within 100ft. Fine. Bring your water. These are not, by the way, these are not problems. They don't care about these problems. It's like the school to prison. Pipeline. What happened to it? It's gone. Kids in cages. What happened to it? It's gone. This is Jim Crow. This is Jim Eagle. This is so much worse. These people can't vote in Atlanta. They don't book bans. They don't believe any of it. They don't care about it. They don't think. Trump, he's hit larian. Hey, come to the White House for shake hands. You want a brandy? This is awesome. They don't believe any don't believe any of that. Everyone can get a book anytime, anywhere, whatever. It's not a thing. Nobody even goes to the fucking library anymore. They don't believe it is what I'm saying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She was talking about actual banned books. Like books about bands.

[Adam Carolla]

About bands.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was more excited.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Rolling Stones, the Early Years.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The Aerosmith book is a great book. I recommend it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, sorry. What do we. What do we got now?

[Producer/Host]

We got some news out of Missouri. A teacher is accused of paying her underage students in cash. Give them alcohol and drugs in exchange for sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This lady, you know what I like about dudes? It's like, well, I know we'll decide if this is a crime or not. Let's see a picture. That's how guys are wired. Okay.

[Producer/Host]

He's not that bad of looking. She looks like she spent some money on some lip injections.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, she looks a lot like a subscription alert.

[Producer/Host]

He looks all right. Yeah. The funny thing about this story is that she was paying dudes joints to blow them and allegedly pay them to blow them. Exactly. Yeah. She had some type of sensation, apparently. And they.

[Adam Carolla]

She paid him two. You said joint.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah, she like give them.

[Adam Carolla]

Give them joints.

[Producer/Host]

Give them. Train dug for the right to blow.

[Dove Davidoff]

But also the economics backwards, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's a real win. Win for the guy.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah. But this is a statutory rape case. So she's like getting like underage dudes. Yeah, Cash app them. The way that she got busted was there was a rumor going on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There was a room full of kids with big smiles on their face.

[Producer/Host]

You know, everyone has a camera phone. So somebody filmed her at some point. I mean, you know, she was part of that. And then her brother in law. Law caught her in bed with an underage boy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How underage are we talking about, by the way?

[Producer/Host]

Yeah, it didn't specify in the story. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

She taught everybody I went to high school with but me was somebody when they were 16.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're underage technically now. They weren't having. They always had the friend that had the sex with the babysitter, you know, situation.

[Dove Davidoff]

I fooled around my babysitter.

[Adam Carolla]

He did. What was his name?

[Dove Davidoff]

Jimmy.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy, yeah. Yeah. You have a picture of this person, Jimmy?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That'd be cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Should we do. So how old were you when you.

[Dove Davidoff]

I was like 10.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Dove Davidoff]

10 or 11.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you had. What does that mean?

[Dove Davidoff]

I fooled around. I didn't say I banged. The first time I banged, I was 13 years old. I was in Mexico.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I remember that story. Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

I paid a prostitute. I was ahead of my years.

[Adam Carolla]

What part of Mexico were you?

[Dove Davidoff]

Who gives a. What part of Mexico? He's like, what part of Mexico?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How old was the bar? How old was the. The babysitter?

[Dove Davidoff]

Like 15.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, that's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

The was 57.

[Producer/Host]

Here up on the screen is.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. I would go to Tijuana. That's why I'm so. Cuz I'm your east coast. So I'm like, what? Where are you?

[Dove Davidoff]

This was, I don't know. My father was dating a woman. They ended up at a resort. I was 13, I was going into high school next year and I wanted to lose my virginity, so I paid for it. And I still remember she was a sweet enough person.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So you still send Christmas cards if I'm not Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And did you like walk over there?

[Dove Davidoff]

I walked into a bar, tequila on the shelf. It was proper bar area, you know. And I walked up and in Mexico at that time, you know, U.S. dollars would, you know, they would look the other way. I walked up, lady said, huh, smiled, you know, I understood. It's an unwritten language between a 13 year old and a hooker.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Dove Davidoff]

And we ended up in a little.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sounds like a good language.

[Dove Davidoff]

A little rusty cabana outside of the main bar area.

[Producer/Host]

Your love language is pesos.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. I only bang for pesa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And that's why Jeff has Mexican herpes.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, no, it's a good time.

[Adam Carolla]

Condom.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah, there was a condom. There was a condom. But I remember like, you know, the cabana and the door didn't close right. But, you know, it was when I was romantic.

[Adam Carolla]

Did they ask wild if you wanted a blow job or sex?

[Dove Davidoff]

I don't remember. I think she started out, she got it hard. I don't think she blew me. I think she just got it hard and sort of put the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you speak any English at all?

[Dove Davidoff]

You don't. What am I at the un? I gotta, I. I gotta negotiate a treaty. We don't need to talk a whole lot not to talk to white women either.

[Adam Carolla]

We got the language of love.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you just call this you're here or here?

[Dove Davidoff]

No. We had the language of love. We understood what was going on. Yeah. I said, I'm all men. Not like Ralph.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's what I said to them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was waiting to become all men.

[Adam Carolla]

Ralph told me the first horror he was with was late. He just got up and left. The problem was he was in his own.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I told her 7:00. I waited until 7:30.

[Adam Carolla]

Seven. Yeah, yeah. All right. She's not super attractive, but if she's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Paying me and blowing me, oh yeah, it's a great deal.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I, I agree, I agree.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Of course it's not like she was asking for money. She was giving them a real, real win.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we can draw a distinction.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's all about how old the kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Was between males and females in this activity. And that if you got 16 year old dad dudes, good luck. I'm fine.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's only that crazy left that draws some equivocation between 16 year old guys banging a 22 year old teacher as if that's nearly as offensive as some scumbag male teacher. But I mean it's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can I ask a question on that though? Here's my question. What age will you be? Not okay with it if they're 12, 13, 14. I was curious because if you're drawing.

[Producer/Host]

I was trying to bang immediately.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, me too.

[Producer/Host]

10.

[Dove Davidoff]

So there's a scale and a consideration. It would take more time than we have on the show. You left.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm just curious because all the numbers are arbitrary regardless for what it is.

[Dove Davidoff]

Whether it's not arbitrary, whether it's not like arbitrary.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's not like something pops out of your head. You're like, now I'm ready.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's an algorithm. I think it's an algorithm.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it may be an algorithm based on more than one for that. Correct. I agree. I just, I played football with a guy named Chung Wa.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a Chinese guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We could figure that out.

[Adam Carolla]

His calves were so big he wore thigh pads on his shins and would break cinder blocks out. That guy was 16 and a half. He was perfectly. He was no victim. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I just think there should be more of a test than just, oh, now they hit this age, they're fine.

[Adam Carolla]

I want like, I want size, scale, hair, muscle mass, testosterone content. Testosterone. Yeah. We're going to get fada. What is that, drug testing? Yeah. Semen sample and the blood sample and the hair sample.

[Dove Davidoff]

15 year old mayhem Miller is very different than some young boy than this half of a nook right here.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, what about LeBron James? LeBron James was 15 and a half. LeBron James has been dunking on a regulation hoop since he was 12. Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So that's why I'm just saying that, playing devil's advocate to that. It's not all things are not even that's all we need.

[Adam Carolla]

We need you side to get involved.

[Dove Davidoff]

I agree, but the left is saying it is all equal.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's also not if it's men and females, a different situation, too. But I. Of course, you know, you know, you know that I came up with a foolproof way as an attorney to get these guys to get. If she's my client, she walks.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's my attorney.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

All right, let me hear you.

[Adam Carolla]

Super easy. It's super easy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They were asking for it. Thank you, you, Honor.

[Adam Carolla]

I put the guy, I put the boys up on the stand.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. He's got a beard.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because it's seven years later. And I go, you were traumatized. Yes, I was. You had to seek counseling. Yes, I did. Do you look at yourself as victim? Absolutely.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now remember, you're under oath. Have you ever beat off to this?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, constantly.

[Adam Carolla]

So you were a victim, but yet you beat off to this crime. So you think when people are victims of arson or battery or assaulted at an atm, you think they go home and rub one out. You cannot say you were a victim of something and then conjure it and beat off to it.

[Producer/Host]

I see Internet search history to the court. There are nukes in there.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember, you're under oath.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's excellent.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it. You jack off to do any.

[Dove Davidoff]

But listen, it's no longer a crime if you've jacked off. It is no longer an active crime.

[Adam Carolla]

It may be a crime, but you are not a victim. You can't beat off the stuff.

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, hence.

[Adam Carolla]

And be a victim.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, the nature of the crime. You should drop this whole podcast and go into law and defend people that need it.

[Adam Carolla]

Teachers.

[Dove Davidoff]

Now, you'd be doing something. You wouldn't be able to afford the Malibu gig. But. But this, this, that would be civil rights level.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah. All right, sorry, go ahead.

[Producer/Host]

No, no more news, guys. Moving on. Trump says Canada should merge with the US has been trolling Trudeau as he steps down. Yeah. Trump referred to Canada as the 51st state in an ongoing joke that he made last fall, referring to Prime Minister as Governor Justin Trudeau.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I never. Sometimes I go, you know, half the Trump stuff, but, like, sometimes I go, oh, get the fuck out of here. And then sometimes I go, eh, why not? You know, and, you know, we had, you know, this country had a bunch of territories and the French owned Louisiana and stuff like that. And I'm sure Mexico owned California. Yeah. There was some version of us sitting around in 1827 going, we can't have Louisiana. The French owned it. What are you, nuts? You know what I mean? There's something like that. And then we go. Now it's like, yeah, we got lsu.

[Dove Davidoff]

Unless we negotiate with the French. You know, that's how. Alaska. I mean, Seward's Icebox. We bought Alaska for 22 cents from.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We still have. We have land all over the world. Not just in America. We own land.

[Adam Carolla]

Places all over the world. Yeah. I'm just saying, at first blush, it sounds insane. And then the next one where you go, I don't know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Trump is not realistic.

[Producer/Host]

We're rolling tanks on Ottawa.

[Dove Davidoff]

On Ottawa. No, Trump is like that. Every now and then he'll say something. You go, that's crazy. And you go, is it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

Like, one time, I used to have a bit about it, but the journalist asked him about unemployment in West Virginia, and he goes, you give everybody a job. And I was like, wait a sec. You know, he may have a point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, No, I think that is his thing. He's got this.

[Dove Davidoff]

Threads a needle.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's got this look. What people don't understand is because the rest of the world thinking he's off is a positive for us, we look at it as a negative. They know who Kamala Harris and Joe Biden is. And Putin can do whatever he wants, but there's a story where Vladimir said to Trump. Trump said to Vladimir, you invade this whatever, I'm gonna nuke you. And then Vladimir went, you're not gonna do that. And he said, well, who knows? You know what I mean?

[Dove Davidoff]

He's done with tariffs right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Who knows Is enough to get people to stop. A lot of the cars are close to the. A lot of shit. Yes. All right, what else?

[Producer/Host]

Well, also in that story, Trump has mentioned Canada taking over Panama and buying Greenland. So I don't know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But I did read that now Greenland's trying to get independent from whoever's part of the Greenland.

[Producer/Host]

The Danes.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Panama, your mom did not.

[Dove Davidoff]

Care that my mother in Panama.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, David Lee Roth.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

The best song ever.

[Dove Davidoff]

She didn't care at all. And I could give a. About. About celebrity worship. I'm just saying acknowledge. It wasn't the regular story with Dave.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Also, by the way, there is the other side of that, where people get too excited around us.

[Dove Davidoff]

I just said celebrity worship is garbage. It's stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's not what we're talking about. It's the theme. I told my. My mom. I don't know, whenever Trump won or whatever, years ago or whatever, I just go. I go, I know Trump. I'm friends with him, you know, to some degree. I got an idea who he is. And I don't think. And she goes, you don't know Trump, Right? And I said, I do know Trump. And she goes, no, you don't know. I said, well, I do, and I do know him, and I've worked with him and I've done stuff with him, and I do know him. She's like, you know, but you don't know him. And I was like, hold on. Are you trying to talk your son out of knowing the President of the United States? Most parents would go the other.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's another direction of that video with your grandmother never.

[Adam Carolla]

She's fucking bananas. I know.

[Dove Davidoff]

I don't know how you make it through the night. I mean, that is. That is.

[Adam Carolla]

I started saying there. Are you saying to me, I don't know Trump? Because I do know Trump. Are you saying, I don't know what's lurking deep?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Maybe she's like, how do we know it? We don't really know know anybody. Maybe she meant more.

[Producer/Host]

Did she clarify that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't understand. She could have went, oh, really?

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, tell me more. More.

[Adam Carolla]

Where'd you meet him? Or how is he in real life.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That oblivious to your career that she didn't even know that you, like, were on that show with him or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't think that would lead.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, one of her friends at bridge club would be like, oh, I saw.

[Producer/Host]

Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your son on the show, you know, something like that.

[Producer/Host]

You know, pitch club.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dove Davidoff]

They were just resistant to experiencing you as something that was valuable.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, and you don't think it's jealousy? You don't think it's jealousy?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. They didn't. They didn't know. No, they didn't. They didn't know what to do. So what I'm. What I'm saying is, like, my family would be the kind of family where. If you said, but there's a lot of families that are this way. You go, I just bought a new Ferrari. And they'd go, oh, the insurance must be through the roof.

[Dove Davidoff]

You know what I mean? With his mother about. She was like, the hair is not.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing well, you know, Instead of, yeah, but my family.

[Dove Davidoff]

Where does that come from is my question. Yeah, no, you guys are funnier and weirder than that. But where does it come from? I don't. I don't relate to that. At all. I have a six year old kid. It wouldn't dawn on me to try to diminish some aspect of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've been doing that to your son.

[Dove Davidoff]

But it wouldn't dawn on me.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Dove Davidoff]

You have a theory. You got a lot of theories.

[Producer/Host]

I have a theory. They're locked in their own own bubble. They're smart people but they like have their own worldview. That's my theory.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think jealousy. I think they don't want to see.

[Producer/Host]

That they're kids, but it's another guy to feed because they're in their own bubble.

[Dove Davidoff]

I think that.

[Producer/Host]

I don't know. What do you think they were your parents? I'm looking at as a corner man. I'm seeing like on the. Well every time you tell me another story it becomes more apparent that they were like severely invested. What is that bubble?

[Dove Davidoff]

Is that narcissism? But isn't that.

[Producer/Host]

I don't think it's narcissism. I think think it's like operating system that he has used to benefit himself by hyper intelligently spouting out stuff like a trumpet player.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You get what I'm saying? Well look, let's just call it a perfect storm. A Boolean base of depression. Just like low grade general bummerdom. Let's not ever devalue the value of just a general bummer. Like you know, everything's a. Everything sucks, you know. So it's like a general mid grade depression that's going on mixed with a not not wanting to connect, not wanting to be intimate with someone. Like a connection. Like how did that feel? How did that make you feel?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The denial of you clearly saying I know him and she's saying no you don't. I. I'm gonna stick with my guy. Do you think there's some sort of not immune. Jealousy is the wrong word. But not wanting to see their son doing better than they do.

[Adam Carolla]

They didn't even talk about that or.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, it doesn't matter. I talked about it so much.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, but it's an interesting. Just real quick to give them the Cliff's notes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My dad was worth a ton of money. The hundreds of millions and I thought he had. We had a great relationship and ended up that we. When he passed, he did not the bulk of his money his fortune went to his wife.

[Dove Davidoff]

Ralph was convinced that he had been.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Told that and then it just didn't happen.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's pretty intense.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Found that it up.

[Adam Carolla]

It's crazy.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah, I get it.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's like losing 100 million wor.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I would have told you we had the greatest relationship until that happened.

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, that's the part that's absurd.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He knew his parents were dying until the will was read, so damn, he was shocked.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so let's. Let me see if we can.

[Dove Davidoff]

If we unpack this.

[Adam Carolla]

If we can un unpack this. Did you get a Tony Bennett cd?

[Dove Davidoff]

Did you get your own Tony Bennett cd?

[Adam Carolla]

There are hundreds of millions of dollars. Hundreds of millions.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hundreds of millions.

[Adam Carolla]

Hundreds of millions. Like. Like 500 million.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

2, 300.

[Adam Carolla]

2, 300. And this would have been in assets.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In assets and, and. And cash and stocks and stuff like that.

[Dove Davidoff]

Portfolio.

[Adam Carolla]

Portfolio. So a lot of stuff. And then. Then when he died, there was a will. And you guys got along well, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was married, though, for the shocking part, three years to someone else. You know, my.

[Adam Carolla]

Not.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your parents got divorced when I was. I mean, they separated when I was like five. Or maybe not even five.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And so then when the will was read.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, we found that afterwards.

[Adam Carolla]

He went at what age?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

81. 81.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And the will was read. And you guys were always close and didn't have a falling out and whatever. And the will, in theory, we have.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Been told in the interest.

[Adam Carolla]

And you were told and they were.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, but I would say this. We have been told that the. The assets that are currently with my stepmother will transfer to us at some point. But who knows if that's true.

[Dove Davidoff]

But either way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And how old's your stepmother?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

65, I think there was a big car.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's the thing. It's not like she was 85.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Happy for 30 something years. The truth is it, you know, if I'm playing devil's. I try to always look at every side of everything. It's his money. It's not like it was my money, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. Look, I would. I. The. The part where he leaves it to her is. Is fine, but the part where he didn't carve something out.

[Dove Davidoff]

Something.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's not you and your sister. Brother.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My brother. I have a twin brother.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a twin brother?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So, I mean, he could have taken 10 million bucks and just set up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That would have been nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay.

[Dove Davidoff]

Foot shorter than him.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I have a twin brother. We were born in different years. It's kind of a weird story.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was born New Year's Eve. He was born January 1st. I'm six, five and a half. He's five, seven and a half.

[Dove Davidoff]

Whoa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I was born in 69. He was born in 70s. We were twins. Born different years, different decades like Danny DeVito. And also they didn't know that he was there until I was born.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because they didn't do sonograms that often back then. And also we were very premature together. We weighed less than eight pounds.

[Dove Davidoff]

And correct me if I'm wrong, but your brother's a heterosexual. Unlike you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Unlike me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I follow in your fault.

[Dove Davidoff]

Wait a second.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait. Do you feel like and I don't know what kind of terms you're on with your stepmom?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pretty good terms.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty good enough to get a little incumbent upon her to. You know. I mean I identify a little cheese.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My thought process with all of this is that it was his money. He can do what he want with it. There's no.

[Dove Davidoff]

But that wasn't his question.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. But I think of course it'd be great if she was. Hey, guess what we just decided to give you.

[Dove Davidoff]

The question was don't you feel it's incumbent upon her? Which was what my question.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know. I don't. I try to.

[Dove Davidoff]

I like I'm gonna have Adam litigate this for you. We're gonna get a couple of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like I said to you wsi. You know, I try to always look at every side of everything and not just be so dig heels.

[Dove Davidoff]

That's how you have arrived at neither side. Right in the middle.

[Producer/Host]

Do you beat off to this?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I do.

[Dove Davidoff]

Exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Yeah. My every. Anything. Any asset. And there wasn't much. But there's a couple beater houses in the valley. Those went to the step parents in my situation as well. So I'm a low grade version of that.

[Dove Davidoff]

From your parents.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're super happy for 30 something years. You know they had a great relationship. So I don't know. You know.

[Producer/Host]

When did the will get relit again?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Never got changed.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah, but never got changed the whole time he was just gas and they.

[Dove Davidoff]

Left him with the impression that he was.

[Producer/Host]

That's the weirdest part is he just lied to you the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

Now is there any other place for that money to go Go when she goes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She has family. She has a. A sister.

[Dove Davidoff]

Your presumption is that he outlives her and there's only a 10 year spread.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

100 years old and also told tall.

[Dove Davidoff]

People got full blown egg. You don't bang that many guys about picking up a light a.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And also very tall people don't live long lives. You know we just.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I said that to Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And one of the most uncomfortable conversations I've ever had, I. I interviewed Kareem Abdul Jabbar and I. I just said to him, I go, now, look, a lot of it's just hitting your head on door jams.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I do it all the time. Six, six. Listen, I was a builder. You're a builder. Dove. Six eight is the height of a regulation door jam. So if you're under 6 8, you should be okay. But you put cowboy boots on, there's going to be an issue. But if you're in Mexico, where they don't really have any Europe, or you're.

[Dove Davidoff]

Wearing a Europe pumps, like Jackie over here.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, you're wearing espadrilles and you're in Europe, you're gonna. You're gonna whack your head. You're gonna.

[Dove Davidoff]

You gotta bang the forehead here.

[Adam Carolla]

It's six eight. But Kareem's seven two or whatever. But I was interviewing Kareem and I was like, so, you know, being tall and not seeing a lot of guys in their 80s that are seven foot tall, you know, you just. They don't live as long. You give it some thought. And he goes, what are you talking about?

[Dove Davidoff]

It's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

And I go, you know, you just don't see guys that are 75, 85 years old, they're 6 9.

[Dove Davidoff]

You know, there's no sense of irony. How do you not experience that? Interesting question.

[Adam Carolla]

He goes, now I know what you mean.

[Dove Davidoff]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, you look really tall. Guys, like, they just know what they. He goes, yeah, I never thought about that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

By the way, the same exact thing on sdr, I interviewed Joe Manganiello, you know, from True Blood and whatnot.

[Dove Davidoff]

And he podcast, by the way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. And he's my hat. Six, five and a half, something like that. So we were in the same size. Does it bother you that we're not going to live as long as other people? He goes, why would you tell me that that's not true? I was like, of course true. Look at dogs. Like a little dog lives much longer live than a big dog.

[Adam Carolla]

And it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He got so upset about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Really.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was really weird. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Even though he was banging Sophia Vergara at the time.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now they're divorced, I think. I know.

[Dove Davidoff]

But still, that takes the edge off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I was surprised and miserable about it, really. And I thought we, you know, we were both the same height. I thought, you know, Mickey Rooney's still alive.

[Adam Carolla]

So maybe some million in the future, but maybe. But a weird yeah, weird.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, that's a weird one.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird that they didn't break off.

[Dove Davidoff]

Break off a piece.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's kind of a thing where you go, you have assets or. He had assets.

[Dove Davidoff]

He had assets.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He had cash.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dove Davidoff]

And so zero cash and one big building. It gets difficult.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This guy could have split some estate taxes that come involved. They give it to me where if she gets you. You know, wives don't pay any estate taxes.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, well, that's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So there's something to that.

[Producer/Host]

So tell me about the security systems.

[Adam Carolla]

At your mom's house. All right, let's do one more. All right.

[Producer/Host]

Bill Maher tells somebody they're too woke. Yeah. After refusing to judge Islam over his treatment of women, Bill Maher called Two and a Half Men star Jon Cryer crazy Woke after the actor refused to criticize Islam in a strict dress code for women.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim Cryer used to be my neighbor. But we'll play the clips a minute 52 long.

[Dove Davidoff]

Wouldn't the woke be the first people to criticize Islam about their treatment of women?

[Adam Carolla]

They're inconsistent.

[Dove Davidoff]

So it's an inverse kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like Gays for Palestine.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's hear it.

[Bill Maher]

They did. They also did a great piece some years ago about a woman in London who was in the Muslim neighborhoods. And you know, they're screaming at her because she's wearing a skirt and stuff like that. And you know, the point of it was, you know, there are places in western civilizations that are like run not by Western standards. And that doesn't mean they're just different.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, but I mean, there are, there are cultural enclaves everywhere, you know.

[Dove Davidoff]

Right.

[Bill Maher]

But we, we should agree that women should be able to wear.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we pause it for a second? Listen, I don't know whose interior designer is, but. But he looks like he's in a Lily Tomlin sketch where she played the nine year old girl. Because his bill is five foot nothing, but he got an armchair where the arms go up an extra nine inches, which go up to nipple. Your armchair arm shouldn't be nipple height.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's so weird.

[Adam Carolla]

His head barely gets above the top of the thing. He looks like a nine year old.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Boy playing dress up.

[Adam Carolla]

Playing dress up in a talk show. Like this is the wrong chair. Like, you know when a chick's a little chunky and they go, you need vertical stripes. Vertical stripes. And like I feel that way with Bill.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He looks like a dwarf. He looks like Billy Barty got dropped onto a chair.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If they were to pull back, his feet would be dangling and swinging back and forth.

[Adam Carolla]

And I, I, I, I, I don't see him drinking a brandy snifter. I see him with a giant lollipop.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Using that chair.

[Dove Davidoff]

He looks like he's out of the Hobbit movie and the one sat in the wrong chair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he needs a new chair.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's odd.

[Dove Davidoff]

He looks like he's being eaten by his own chair.

[Adam Carolla]

Forget about the content of this. Let's talk about the architecture.

[Dove Davidoff]

Is Bill sitting in a hippopotamus? Why is that so big?

[Adam Carolla]

It's really. He looks like when you were nine and you'd put your dad's dress shoes on and walk around the house. It looks like he's slopping around in this giant chair.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's an odd up already.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's also a new chair because the guest has a normal chair, which makes it look even more ridiculous.

[Producer/Host]

Yes, it's the same chair. This is a normal size purse.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute now, look, can we. I'll throw a tape on this shit right now. The space between Jon Cryer's his armrest and the top of his chair is about 16, 17 inches. Go back to Bill's seat. Holy shit. Bill's all jacked up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this, well, it's a.

[Dove Davidoff]

Different shaped back on that chair.

[Adam Carolla]

This chair was designed to make people look shorter.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you know, they have lifts for shoes like Stallone.

[Dove Davidoff]

Stallone's boots.

[Adam Carolla]

Make him an extra inch.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That would be a good chair for me.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be great for you. You wouldn't dwarf everybody. You need that chair.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That chair in my house.

[Adam Carolla]

Bill needs a log like he needs something, man.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He should be sitting on telephone books in that chair.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dove Davidoff]

You got to be confident in yourself to be 5, 2 and sit in a chair made for Ralph.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna do the move. I'm gonna dip the quarter apple.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Slide it under the pillow. Quarter apple from the set.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah. Get a double apple from Double apple.

[Adam Carolla]

Double apple under the seat. I'll blow phone into it.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah. He's trying to project like kingly or something.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah.

[Producer/Host]

But it's coming out. Car seat.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah. You look like. Yeah, yeah. You look like an owl.

[Producer/Host]

He's a strap in over time.

[Dove Davidoff]

He's going kingly but looking elf. Yeah.

[Producer/Host]

Cheerios in the corner right there.

[Dove Davidoff]

Listen, Prince understood. This guy wore pumps his whole life. This guy's got a double sized chair.

[Producer/Host]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Prince would. Prince wouldn't work in this chair. But he would immediately have it removed.

[Dove Davidoff]

He would pull right out of that office if it.

[Adam Carolla]

He wouldn't do the interview. Get that chair out.

[Dove Davidoff]

Get the chair out and get in a little chair. Make me look like a giant.

[Adam Carolla]

I did this show. Was he in that chair when I did this show? Show.

[Producer/Host]

I think you got a makeover. You know, I think it's different.

[Dove Davidoff]

You'd remember if he was because you'd have talked about it for six years.

[Adam Carolla]

Serving up so much scotch. Kind of a blur. But I think I dropped a couple end bottoms. Sometimes blame the choose for a few things.

[Dove Davidoff]

Who can avoid that after a scotch?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, we'll hear the rest of it. Sorry, John. Wait, wait. Where am I?

[Producer/Host]

Oh, that was you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer/Host]

Club Rams.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Looks like you're in the same chair.

[Producer/Host]

You look like you're in the baby chair.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a hood or those chairs.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah. You look like a Rolls Royce ornament. Those chairs are giant.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

John Cryer said, I don't want to sit in that chair. Give me an.

[Adam Carolla]

John's like, I need another chair. Yeah, he's got a much better publicist than I do. All right, let's hear, let's hear what his.

[Bill Maher]

They also did a great piece some years ago about a woman in London who was in the Muslim neighborhoods. And you know, they're screaming at her because she's wearing a skirt and stuff like that. And you know, the point of it was, you know, there are places in Western civilizations that are like run not by Western standards. And that doesn't mean they're just different.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, but I mean there are, there are cultural enclaves everywhere, you know.

[Bill Maher]

Right, but we, we should agree that women should be able to wear what they want.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bill Maher]

If you don't agree with that, then you're not a liberal to begin with. Well, call me a crazy liberal, but I think women should have freedom.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree as well. Okay. I agree as well.

[Bill Maher]

But they don't in these neighborhoods. It was the 60 Minutes piece that they did.

[Adam Carolla]

One could argue that, that women don't have the freedom to dress where they are in dress how they want to dress in many places. They used to get cat called all the time. They used to, you know, there was.

[Bill Maher]

Used to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they.

[Bill Maher]

We're talking about now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, used to.

[Bill Maher]

A lot of used to happen. But what's going on now in the world? Would you really want to have your wife live in Gaza or any place, I mean, war torn strip, even before.

[Adam Carolla]

Even before the war, where she would.

[Bill Maher]

Have to cover up.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Again, that's not. That's not. I. I don't live there. I'm not. It's not my culture, you know? But. Yeah.

[Bill Maher]

And you won't judge it?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not going to judge it, no. But again, this is crazy.

[Bill Maher]

Woke, to me, that's where. That's where it all went off the rails when you. When we became so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance. I mean, you would never allow something like that to happen in this country. If they proposed a law tomorrow at the LA City council, women have to cover their face when they go out. I assume you'd be against that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yes, I would.

[Producer/Host]

He was over his head right there.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

They. They have a math problem. That's the problem with the woke people. They have a math problem, which is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can I ask a question about it? Because I really.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me just finish one quick thought. When Fauci gets hauled in front of Congress and they go, you don't like groups. You don't want sporting events, you don't want barbs, you don't want churches. No. How about Black Lives Matter marches? And he goes, I don't know. And he goes, what about Black Lives Matter? That's a big group. And he goes, I don't have any thoughts about that. I was like, okay, you're having a math problem here. Done saying, we couldn't go to a ball game because there are too many people. Then you're asked, and you couldn't answer the fucking question that are breaking store windows.

[Dove Davidoff]

Should we do that? N. Don't arrest anybody.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Let me ask this question as. As an admitted idiot, not smart man. Right? So when you're looking at another, it's very easy to say to our culture like, we're looking at our culture.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why your dad wrote you figured something out.

[Dove Davidoff]

I wouldn't have given you a necklace.

[Adam Carolla]

Communist. I want.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I want a genuine opinion. Yeah, okay, so got it. You're looking at a different culture and assessing our values on a different culture that's not here. Okay, so if they. If they may not believe in some things that we don't believe in. I can assess values in our culture that I was raised in. It's weird to assess.

[Dove Davidoff]

He's not saying, go there and enforce it. He's saying, yeah, we shouldn't allow that, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, he was saying that you should be against them doing it there. I. I'm.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, no, he was saying in Western cities, in. In a Muslim neighborhood in London, people.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is that what they're talking about? Then I'm wrong.

[Dove Davidoff]

But he's not saying they don't have a right to operate.

[Adam Carolla]

I will, I will address this by making maybe an argument the other side makes, which is, well, how are we going to run a society without religion? And you go, well, murder's wrong. And they go, who says murder's wrong if there's no religion? And I just go, because it's wrong.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, but it used again, not to go backwards, but there were times where people would kill each other's tribes. You go find other tribes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but what I'm still doing. But the whole problem with the left is, you know, a short 122 years ago, a black man couldn't be married.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Short, short 120 times by this. I misunderstood it. I thought he was talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying.

[Dove Davidoff]

He's also saying you can judge it there as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I'm saying. If you have to go back in time, you're losing the argument. Agreed with that. Whatever the argument is is even if it's just you and your woman, you.

[Dove Davidoff]

Know, you go, old ancient history, Ralph they call them.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's what dip back in time and then try to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's why do's mother was able to move on so circularly in the past.

[Dove Davidoff]

Ancient history.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying I'm an atheist who has some universal rights and wrongs. And if you want to beat a woman for reading, that's a wrong. Regardless of the culture.

[Dove Davidoff]

You can't remove all judgment just because they live in a different country than their own culture. They don't want to hit women in the head if they're wearing a dress.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What if I don't like the dress?

[Dove Davidoff]

Well, that's a different story.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, there's a great clip. The great clip is Ben Affleck flipping out on Bill.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've seen that one. Yeah, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

You've seen that one. You guys all seen that one?

[Dove Davidoff]

I haven't seen it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Ben on Bill's show getting all, I mean, you kind of realize why him and JLo probably didn't work out also because, you know, she was with her personal trainer at 5:30 every morning and he was smoking on a balcony like trying hide from the paparazzi.

[Dove Davidoff]

I can only imagine.

[Adam Carolla]

But could you imagine being married to that dove?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did a show with, with J. I.

[Dove Davidoff]

Did a show with for two years. I, I, I don't know. I don't know her that well.

[Adam Carolla]

But what show?

[Dove Davidoff]

Oh, I was Internal Affairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. How was she.

[Dove Davidoff]

She was cool to work with, but I didn't get into, you know, real conversations with her. I mean, every now and then.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just mean she was the kind of person that's doing Pilates every day.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's a guy with a ponytail running.

[Adam Carolla]

In front of her, right? And he's. He's a guy who wants a cigarette and a cup of coffee, Dunkin Donut, you know, And. And she's looking at him going, you smell like cigarettes again. He's like that guy, the Uber guy was smoking. You know, Smell it on your breath. You know, this is. I have that. Him spazzing.

[Producer/Host]

The meme of him slamming the door on her, it tells me everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, specifically telling you that I disagree with what you think.

[Bill Maher]

And we're obviously not convinced.

[Dove Davidoff]

You don't understand.

[Adam Carolla]

My argument is, you know, black people, you know, they show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That is not my argument.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not.

[Bill Maher]

It's based on facts. I can show you a Pew poll of Egyptians. They are not outliers in the Muslim world that say, like, 90% of them believe death is the appropriate response to leaving the religion. If 90% of Brazilians thought that death was the appropriate response to leaving Catholicism, you would think it was a bigger deal.

[Adam Carolla]

I would think it's a big deal no matter what. Okay, but that's what you're doing. But what I wouldn't do is say, it's all Brazilians. Or I wouldn't say, well, Ted Biden did isis. God damn these gays. They're all trying to eat each other, you know? Okay, let me just give you what you want. There are hundreds of millions of Muslims who are nominal Muslims who don't take the faith seriously. Sam Harris. Kill apostates who are horrified by isis. And we need to defend these people, prop them up and let them replace ISIS couldn't fill a double. A ballpark in Charleston, West Virginia, and you're making a career out of someone. Isis, it's all jihadist.

[Dove Davidoff]

It's a phenomenon of global jihadism.

[Bill Maher]

I think that's the opposite of it.

[Adam Carolla]

There is those things. There's isis, there's global jihadists. The question is the degree to which you're willing to say. Because I've witnessed this behavior, which we all object to on the part of these people, I'm willing to flatly condemn those of you I don't know and have never met.

[Dove Davidoff]

No, this is not condemning people.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's ideas.

[Bill Maher]

And people who believe in those ideas based on reality. Ben, we're not making it.

[Adam Carolla]

You should make A movie called Good Point Hunting where he goes out hunting for a good point and can't find one.

[Dove Davidoff]

How do you like them apples?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't find my point.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think both sides.

[Dove Davidoff]

Nice.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Do a great job at triggering the other side.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they're trying to argue is better than guys from the Boston area. They're like the number one arguers. There's something, there's some alchemy, something's in the water. Just the right amount of educated without being too educated. Where you get up in your own head.

[Dove Davidoff]

You'll get a ballpark reference in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Every time you got a baseball reference, ballpark, you got some. You got a little anger, you got a little edge. There's a little street meets college, but not too much college meets with maybe a soft palate is shaped different than folks from Arkansas. How do you like them apples?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That I don't understand at all because again, I'm really stupid. But this country, they figured out a way to basically split us 50, 50, like it's. It's a while that it's not 60, 40, 70.

[Adam Carolla]

I say it all the time. It's statistically insane.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's insane. And that, that's the part that I really would love to understand how they figured out a way to cleave us.

[Adam Carolla]

That is right down center. I know Sam a million times.

[Dove Davidoff]

Sam Harrison, Billmar lifelong fire brand Democrats, they called the left aggressively anti common sense. That was the way they described that far left thinking. And these guys have been firebrands. They both hate Trump.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think far left and far right are insane. And I think that in the middle there's 80% agreeance on most things.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I think.

[Dove Davidoff]

Yeah, yeah, but there's too much allowance for many things New York should be. You have a right to fucking defend yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the problem is people go, the far right is this way and the far left is this way. But the far left is much more mid amongst Democrats. Correct. It's not. The far right is, you know, sort of Ted Nugent, you know, which isn't really the norm.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Although I would say this. I've had Ted Nugent on the sdi.

[Adam Carolla]

I like Ted Nugent.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He makes a lot of sense.

[Adam Carolla]

He makes a lot of sense. He makes a lot of sense certain things.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's very clear that.

[Dove Davidoff]

But he's making a demographic percentage point.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is, is far left policies are just California policies. Like they're in the mainstream.

[Dove Davidoff]

We don't not have many far right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so what they Know is they go, oh, these guys are flat earthers. Or they don't. They think Kennedy killed himself or something like that.

[Dove Davidoff]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

But that doesn't represent.

[Dove Davidoff]

There's no state that represents that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we were. There's more mainstream. That's why the election was lost, by the way. And that's why. Correct. The left needs to tack toward the right or the middle.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. I think we all, like. I do think that we should move towards ranked candidate elections because that would bring unification to your message as opposed to polarizing it.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Dove Davidoff]

The fact that diplomat Ralph assassinate 50.5.

[Adam Carolla]

Versus 49.5 is statistically.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's insane.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also. You know what's insane, too, is that what's on the menu is so drastically different from one side to the next.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But that's why candidate voting would make sense, because everyone's message would start going to the center as opposed to trying to just get your extreme vote in.

[Adam Carolla]

And once you set it, as I said, look, one, I got a pizza. I'm gonna do two pizzas. One pizza has wheels of sausage on it as a topping, and the other has these cork coasters. And then I said, push it out to the people and tell me what they got. And guy came back with a clipboard and went, split 100% down the middle. 50, 50. 100% coasters. 50% coaster, 50% side sausage. I'd go, that seems insane that we split it right. I don't know what. That wouldn't work with peanut M M's. First if you said peanut MMs. Plain MMS. Go get it. And it just came back. Statistically, it's a dead heat. Turkey jerky versus beef jerky. Go. It's a dead heat. Lucky Charms versus fruitless. It's a dead. I'd go, this is insane. It can't be a dead. It can't be.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But it just shows you that the message, somebody wild.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody's cooking something.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Something wild going on.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll give you guys a plug. The SDR show on Gas Digital with Ralph and Dove.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

By the way, your producer, E.P. byron came from Gas Digital. You remember that?

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Yeah. Byron.

[Dove Davidoff]

Shout Out SDR was one of my favorite shows to watch.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you very much.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you did the show?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We call that cherry picking, but we just got the pit. Yeah, we're resting the cherry. Son of a. Jerry just showed up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I did the show for 10 years with big J and Jay left back in July. Dove came in in September, and it's been a pretty wild ride.

[Dove Davidoff]

We're up and running, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good luck filling that oversized chair.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big J, get that chair from Bill Maher.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll be Mars chair. All right. And I'm gonna be in Vegas on Thursday doing standup over at Kimmel's club. Two shows over there. And then solo, Solana beach doing stand up there. I think Jay Moore is going to be with me. Medium Jay Moore is going to be with me over there. That'll be January 19th, two shows. Covina doing a live podcast there. Paul Rodriguez is going to come out for that one, too. January 22nd. Skydivecrow.com For All Live shows. Until next time, Zion for Dove and Ralph and Mayhem. Say it. Mahalo.

[Ralph Sutton]

You can leave us a voicemail mail. The number is 888-634-1744. And you can get tickets to see Adam Corolla. Get [e-mail].