
Adam is joined by the host of “The SDR Show”, Ralph Sutton, and his new co-host, comedian Dov Davidoff. They open by talking about what Dov has been up to since Adam last saw him in 2014. They also discuss the latest...
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Adam Carolla
Well, in this show, comedian Dove Davidoff comes back. It's been so long. Ralph Sutton, his partner, they come in both to hang out and get into everything. Deep psychological dives. That's a fun one. And also Mayhem's got the news. We got all that right after this. Hey, it's Adam Caroll from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game locks. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline. The game starts here.
Ralph Sutton
From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, host of the SDR show, Ralph Sutton and his co host, comedian Dove Davidoff. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now he's coming up. I mean out. Adam Carolla.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Get it on. Got to get on a chance bigger than manic. Get it on. Thanks for tuning in. 2025, Ralph. Good to see you again, Dov. Good to see you again.
Dove Davidoff
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Adam Carolla
I was thinking back, I was like, Dove. I kept. I'm saying I haven't seen him in 10 years.
Dove Davidoff
Went to New York, I developed a small private equity operation, began real estate.
Adam Carolla
Really? I built it 27 stage at Irvine time we were together.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, I've done that a couple times with you.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. You're not easy to keep up with.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, no, but I remember Dove. Not you are, but I mean, I remember thinking, oh, this is. He feels right at home on stage. And then when I saw you were coming on the show, I did this. I like Dove. And then I thought, I haven't seen him in over a decade.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Well, he is very forgettable.
Adam Carolla
What happened?
Dove Davidoff
I'm telling you, I checked out. I went to New York when social media got hot and I've always stayed in stand up. I'm still out headlining. I was doing a cop show. I was playing a detective on NBC. I started developing real estate. I owned apartment buildings in Brooklyn.
Adam Carolla
Really?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And then a bunch of guys from Guatemala took it over and Started eating the cats and the pigeons.
Dove Davidoff
Exactly. They were barbecuing hounds on the front lawn, so.
Adam Carolla
Oh. So, I mean, you always did stand up, but you diversified.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, I mean, well, as you know. Yeah, in a sense. Right. I mean, I was doing standup, I was on the road. And then I was back in New York. I. I lucked into an apartment building situation. I sold it for a lot of money and I had enough to go and buy a piece of land and develop 26 units. And. And so it took me out of the game for a little while and I don't.
Adam Carolla
Where did you develop the 26 units? In Brooklyn.
Dove Davidoff
In Brooklyn.
Adam Carolla
Oh, wow.
Dove Davidoff
570 Nostran Ave. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Nice.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, it's interesting.
Adam Carolla
I love building, man. We could talk building.
Dove Davidoff
We could talk about. At some point, we could talk about deregulation. Hopefully get some of this permitting process streamlined so we can fucking get something.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Done in this country easy.
Adam Carolla
I. No, I'm so with you that people don't understand any of this stuff.
Dove Davidoff
It's one of the biggest impediments facing our country.
Adam Carolla
Okay? We're trying to build a high speed rail here, right? We're going from Bakersfield to Merced. Now listen, the people who aren't from around here, you're saying, where's Bakersfield and Merced? The people who are from around here are saying, where's Bakersfield? Because everyone's saying, there's people who live in Merced who are going, where's Bakersfield?
Dove Davidoff
Yes.
Adam Carolla
And people live in Bakersfield going, where the fuck's Merced?
Dove Davidoff
Yes.
Adam Carolla
It is going to link a part of this state that never needed to be linked.
Dove Davidoff
You haven't mentioned the second most offensive part, which is that it's cost billions of dollars.
Adam Carolla
80 billion. Over 80 billion.
Dove Davidoff
In China, they've developed a very similar railway for 110 of the cost that is 10 times as long.
Adam Carolla
Okay? We're never gonna stop. This train's gonna keep a rolling all night long. Because the first things first. I grew up here. I go to the Bay Area all the time. All those car pictures I was showing you, that's all Laguna Seca understood, That's all in the Bay Area. That's where the racetrack is. I go up twice a year and do races. No one has ever sat in Los Angeles and went, how am I gonna get to San Francisco? I know not how. There's a Southwest flight that leaves Burbank Airport every 51 minutes. You go to Oakland, you can go to San Jose, you can go to San Francisco, you Can go anywhere you want, or you can just get in your car and point it that direction and you'll be there in five hours. Nobody in recorded history has ever been in Bakersfield and said, how we getting to Mercedes?
Dove Davidoff
It's a.
Adam Carolla
It's never come up.
Dove Davidoff
It's like a Franz Kafka novel. The level of waste and corruption inherent in these games is incredible.
Jason Mayhem Miller
What is the reasoning that they're even doing it? Is there a reason?
Adam Carolla
All right, I got a million thoughts. Because this is all as we explore this colossal boondoggle. Boondoggle and waste of taxpayer money and money that could have gone over here or.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But there is a front facing narrative that they sold to the public.
Adam Carolla
I will do it. But first, let's just set against the backdrop of me waking up in Malibu this morning and learning that we're in a high wind situation and winds mean fire. Three and a half weeks ago, we were all evacuated from Malibu. Not to return, by the way. For days I slept at Dr. Drew's house.
Dove Davidoff
Incredible.
Adam Carolla
Nobody spoons like Drew.
Dove Davidoff
Nobody spoons like Drew.
Adam Carolla
Nobody spoons like Dr.
Dove Davidoff
Put on a condom to spoon. Dr. Drew is one of those guys.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But in your. My defense, you haven't slept with Dove for the last three days out here in Colorado.
Adam Carolla
Wow. I was kind of setting the table for that. But thanks for broaching it, Ralph.
Dove Davidoff
It's bananas. It's bananas.
Adam Carolla
What's going on? Let me just against the backdrop up, three and a half weeks ago, it got windy. When it gets windy, Malibu catches on fire.
Dove Davidoff
Correct.
Adam Carolla
The most expensive real estate almost in the world.
Dove Davidoff
Almost in the world almost.
Adam Carolla
I mean, there are routinely places down along PCH against the ocean that are 80 to 100 million dollars. I've seen them built in that environment. We cannot prevent this. When it gets windy, Malibu catches on fire. We might as well just be sort of native tribesmen at this point. Like we are at the whims of the wind. God. I don't mean hundred mile an hour winds. I mean anything over 30 miles an hour. Malibu catch on fire. I get up this morning, I go, it's gonna be wind. Are we gonna have another fucking fire in Malibu? Yeah. Well, you know what happens? It gets windy and then knocks the power poles over. And then the power lines catch on fire. And I'm leaving the Palisades this morning. It's 10:30 in the morning. I walk out of the Jim, I smell smoke. I see ash in the air. I look up in the fucking hill. We saw it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
We saw it from. We Went through.
Adam Carolla
The Palisades are on fire. It only took an hour and 45 minutes for the Palisades.
Dove Davidoff
It's a spark to hit the Palisades.
Adam Carolla
To catch on fire. And there's fire trucks blasted down pch, cop cars everywhere. Now I just got the note notice from my girlfriend that we're evacuating. They're vacuuming. It's 20, 25.
Dove Davidoff
You have the same weather related liabilities as planes. Indians in Malibu. That's right, bananas.
Adam Carolla
There's nothing we can do. They go, well, what's the problem? They go. These power lines, they're on these old poles. The system is so old. What do we do? What do we do? How about we bury them? How about we put them in conduit and we put them in the ground? And then I start going, at the.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Very least, a new pole.
Adam Carolla
A new. No, the pole is from first off. The same pole from 1877 that you saw on the streets of the western town. It's just a piece of poles. It's dunked in creosote, by the way, which is just like tar and just pile driven into the ground all the way up and down pch, you see them all lined all through the hills. I thought, what if we took a little of that money, your tax base, to get from the one that was gonna get me from Bakersfield to Merced, which no human being I know will ever be impacted by.
Dove Davidoff
Billions you spent to get from Bakersfield to Merced.
Adam Carolla
How about we bury the power lines.
Dove Davidoff
And put it in the Malibu neighborhood on earth.
Adam Carolla
Doesn't have to catch on fire when it gets windy. It's not like. Well, when the volcano goes off, there's nothing we can. No, no, it's nothing. It's windy. It gets windy. And then I didn't make it till noon and I'm driving to work seeing huge plumes of smoke going, oh great, Malibu's on fire.
Dove Davidoff
It's maddening. And that's a microcosm for what's going on in government for generations. I mean, hence the argument for bitcoin. But the idea of some scarce, you know, desirable asset, apart from the whims of politicians and central banks. But anyway.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But I would say, let me argue.
Adam Carolla
This and I will tell you what the argument.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But does bitcoin take away from the corruption that that's happening? It doesn't, you know, so. But sure it does.
Dove Davidoff
It's not the government.
Jason Mayhem Miller
If they still. Let me ask you to just go back to what was the actual selling point?
Adam Carolla
The selling the selling point. And it's always a selling point for California. We are going to lead the way. Yeah, we're going to lead the way. We got programs.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, right.
Adam Carolla
We give out heroin and clean needles to junkies because we're progressive. Like, we lead the way. We have injection zones.
Dove Davidoff
You lead the way of people leaving the state as well. You're leading the way there.
Adam Carolla
We're leading the U Haul way, too.
Dove Davidoff
But U Haul is doing great.
Adam Carolla
We do super progressive shit. We. What we'll do is we'll do community policing. We'll defund the police, and we'll have community ambassadors, and then we'll have zones that are safe to enchant Ralph a.
Dove Davidoff
Nightstick and have a walk around somewhere.
Adam Carolla
We'll put heroin in vending machines and we'll give out free housing to the. And we're sanctuary city. All are welcome here. So we go. We lead. We lead. But what we don't realize is we're go in the wrong direction just to go to the.
Jason Mayhem Miller
To the train. How are they supposed to recoup a train system that no one's worried about recouping?
Dove Davidoff
You're so progressive. There's no sense in recouping.
Adam Carolla
You're too progressive.
Dove Davidoff
Recoup means real economics.
Adam Carolla
Here's what I would say. Here's what they say. Okay, here's. If I was them.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah, I want to hear that. I would go inside.
Adam Carolla
Look, I've been to Asia, I've been to Strudeldorf. I've been to these. They all have bullet trains over there. We don't have anything.
Dove Davidoff
But they use.
Adam Carolla
We don't have anything. These advanced civilizations, Tokyo and Europe and stuff, they have this thing. We don't. So we're lagging. So the first thing is we're lagging except for we have Southwest in minivans, airplanes. But okay, so they first start with this, you know, in Europe, you know.
Dove Davidoff
In Asia, you know what's going on there. And we got to put one in Bakersfield.
Adam Carolla
So that's what they do. Hold on. No, no, no, no, here's. Yeah, listen, we're going to do in seconds, first we're going to link, because there's a lot of land there. We can get that land. We'll go there, there. But eventually you're going to jump into a bullet train in San Diego and you're going to sit down for 20 minutes and the door's going to open. You're going to be in San Francisco, my friend. That's. We're going to link.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Them.
Adam Carolla
You see what I'm doing? Because in Europe, they've had these. In Asia, they've had these things since the 60s that go 300 miles, 300 miles an hour. And everyone loves them.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And they move. And it's low impact from environmental. Gets all the cars off the road.
Dove Davidoff
It's only gonna cost $10 trillion. And you're gonna have to reroute part of that track around a protected frog species.
Adam Carolla
Right. Well, then the regulation kicks in, and that's why we can't do it. And yet the guy who ran, who was in charge of it after, I don't know, five years, he just went, oh, fuck this. I can't do it anymore, and tried.
Dove Davidoff
To explain this to these communists for many, many months.
Adam Carolla
I can't argue with anyone else from the Coastal Commission and. Or any of these progressive bitches.
Dove Davidoff
Commission.
Adam Carolla
Yes. Right. Right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So where is it now?
Adam Carolla
He moved. He went to Africa.
Jason Mayhem Miller
How far?
Adam Carolla
Hold on. That guy went to Africa and built the entire bullet train line in 18 months. And the next four guys dropped out because they go, we can't deal with the regulation.
Dove Davidoff
And then Jane Fonda shows Fuck out.
Adam Carolla
Jane Fonda shows up on Bill Maher and she's like. I like, what are you talking about, regulation? It's a good thing. It's like, no, it's stifling.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Well, we. Dev and I be talking about this a lot lately, which is that I think you need some regulation.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
You need sensible regulation. It's absurd.
Jason Mayhem Miller
We need sensible regulation.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. We don't need stifling.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Right. I'm saying some sort of regulation.
Dove Davidoff
I know, but listen, that's a red herring.
Adam Carolla
Don't make that argument. Everyone does that all the time. You know, they go, we need some.
Dove Davidoff
Deregulate this shit.
Adam Carolla
Yes, yes. We need to deregulate the shit.
Dove Davidoff
Of course you need cops. Of course you need some regulation.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Agreed.
Dove Davidoff
This communist keeps arguing.
Adam Carolla
No, no, we need some.
Jason Mayhem Miller
You know, my name is Ralph. Communist.
Adam Carolla
Yep. Yeah. Oh, now, Dawson. Yeah. You can find Jane Fonda talking to Bill Maher about it. It's a problem. Here's the problem.
Dove Davidoff
I'm sure it's brass, tax people who.
Adam Carolla
Don'T build anything or do anything. Love regulation.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. They're called bureaucrats.
Adam Carolla
Right. And they go in every day with new ideas about new regulations. New regulations, that's all they do.
Dove Davidoff
Because an organism that needs to feed itself, they're not gonna put themselves out of business. So they keep regulating.
Adam Carolla
I used to say this all the time. I go, if you took beavers and put them on top of the Empire State Building. They would start looking for wood to build a dam. Looking for wood. Let's build a gang. And someone goes, why? Because that's what beavers do.
Dove Davidoff
Brilliant analogy. The frog and the scorpion. It's in his nature.
Adam Carolla
We'll show the clip of.
Dove Davidoff
Of Jane Fonda.
Adam Carolla
Yes. This is why this bitch is why we don't have a railroad.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah. Her and him. Her and her and him.
Adam Carolla
Her and Ralph, you really.
Bill Maher
But the state we live in, California is, is lacking regulation. There's over 300,000 regulations. I mean I once.
Adam Carolla
Well, maybe they're needed.
Dove Davidoff
They're not, are they?
Bill Maher
When I tried to put in a garage door, I had to have three inspections. There should have been none. I shouldn't be allowed to change my garage door.
Adam Carolla
Are you kidding?
Dove Davidoff
Really?
Adam Carolla
It was about a garage door?
Bill Maher
Absolutely.
Adam Carolla
I'm sorry. Yeah. That is. No.
Bill Maher
You know this about California?
Adam Carolla
No, I don't. Well, I'm sorry, I don't.
Bill Maher
You don't? You've never heard that California is overtaxed and over regulated? That we are, we are a one party state where there's sort of no checks on that sort of extreme leftism and that. Why do you think I don't for.
Adam Carolla
A minute consider California a state that is extreme leftist? Not at all. Not any way.
Bill Maher
Well, that shows where your politics are.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Well, by the way, it's not far.
Dove Davidoff
Enough left for her because she lives on Pluto.
Adam Carolla
Right. So she has no idea what he's talking about.
Dove Davidoff
I spent the night in jail. Speaking of regulation and really lefty states. I spent the night in jail because my neighbor kept playing his music really loud in New York and Manhattan. I finally called the cops after nicely last year. Yeah, you thought it was a long.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Time we came out here.
Dove Davidoff
Okay.
Adam Carolla
Long story short, I ended up calling the cops.
Dove Davidoff
This guy's offended that I called the cops. Comms banging on my door at 3 in the morning. I open the door, he pushed his way in, I hit him with a right hand in the mouth, bust his face up. The cops come and arrest me.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Dove Davidoff
And in New York I learned that you have no right to stand your ground initially.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Dove Davidoff
Florida to stand your ground straight. Texas, stand your ground. In New York you have what's called a duty to retreat. So you get chaotic streets. A duty to retreat so that if somebody pulls their dick out and walks up to your family on the train, you are supposed to retreat. You can only respond when cornered.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah, but in my defense, that's how we met.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, exactly.
Adam Carolla
Backing onto each other.
Dove Davidoff
All kidding aside, it's getting bananas. And when you feel that chaos, it's because there's a politician that isn't substantiating what the police have. You know, it's, you know, and I'll.
Adam Carolla
I'll, I'll play you one more and then we'll, we'll move on to different subjects. But honestly, God, she seemed to be.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Unaware that it was even apologized him for the garage door. So she's living in her own fantasy.
Adam Carolla
Yes. Yeah, I did some research. In 1930, 70% of the households in the US had electricity through power lines. So it's basically 100 years old. We're in the most expensive real estate in the world and we can't find the funds to bury them. They're also an eyesore. When you see it's mind blowing. It's mind blowing. Right.
Dove Davidoff
Drive along the pch. It's mind blowing.
Adam Carolla
I, I live along.
Dove Davidoff
No, that's what I'm saying.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
No, I'm agreeing. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All right. Also, you know the thing that's funny? I'll tell you the thing that's funny. Someone will bring it up every once in a while. They're constantly talking about global warming and rising seas. There are houses on the water side of PCH that are from the 40s and 50s. They're just parked there on pilasters. There's nothing going on. There's no sea. And a house on the Ocean side is four times as much, maybe six times as much as one on the other side of the highway. Literally 30ft away. You're gonna save $18 million. Right. So is the sea rising? Apparently not, because a lot of those houses are there from the 40s and the 50s. But I'll tell you what is going on in terms of impact to the environment. 200 million tons of soot going into the air when we have a fucking fire every 20 minutes.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, it's maddening.
Adam Carolla
So they're worried about the ocean. Nobody from the Coastal Commission goes, what about these fucking power lines?
Jason Mayhem Miller
At least the ocean rises, will put out the fires.
Adam Carolla
Yes. And if there whatever we save with whatever technology we're talking about catalytic converters or whatever clean fuel where it's all out the window after one big fire. Cuz it's all the carbon and soot just go right up into the next.
Dove Davidoff
It's a net negative if you don't address the underlying issues.
Adam Carolla
That's right, Yeah, I have. I don't know.
Dove Davidoff
It's not politically expedient to do so. So we're gonna keep living like this in this dysfunctional loop where we're complaining to nobody.
Adam Carolla
Well, somebody, Joe, put a. I think we have it. Some congressman or somebody from out here said he's putting a bill together, just going, no more money for the rail. Well, first things first, everyone, you could say, well, don't you want you or your kids to be able to ride a high speed rail? The answer is it's never gonna be done. It's never gonna work. It's never gonna happen. They're never. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It'll never be done for it or. They didn't even break down.
Adam Carolla
They broke ground in 08.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Oh, man.
Adam Carolla
It's 80 billion over and we have nothing. You're never going to have anything. That's what I'm saying.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I'm going to play devil's advocate for one second.
Dove Davidoff
There is no advocate. There is no advocate.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Not devil's advocate. But like I was in Portugal two years ago.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And just to say that there's crazy regulation everywhere. That's the worst airport in the world is Lisbon's airport.
Dove Davidoff
Doesn't make any better.
Jason Mayhem Miller
The worst airport in the world. It took them 17 years just to agree where the new airport was and.
Dove Davidoff
Look at their economy.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So I'm just saying, is that everywhere.
Dove Davidoff
You want to be like Portugal?
Jason Mayhem Miller
I don't.
Dove Davidoff
Okay, let's get the politics.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Sometimes you just. It is universally a problem, is what I'm saying.
Adam Carolla
We didn't invent China.
Dove Davidoff
It's not, but.
Adam Carolla
All right, so here's your report.
Jason Mayhem Miller
No, I know it seems like you're.
Adam Carolla
Saying, so we got a. We got a guy, he's from California spaces going, well, we'll hear his pitch. It's kind of funny.
Jon Cryer
High speed rail project was originally projected in 2008 to cost $33 billion. It is now projected to cost up to 127 billion. Its estimated completion date was 2020. Of course, we are past 2020 now. As of 2024, zero passengers have been transported. Indeed, the majority of the system has not even been fully defined, designed, and yet it has received $6.8 billion in federal funds. And they're requesting an additional 8 billion in federal funds. In short, the cost has quadrupled and nothing has been built. Or actually, I'm being a little bit unfair. There was an announcement earlier this year in May where the High Speed Rail Authority, which really has to strain to come up with, you know, milestones to advertise to the public, there was A lot of hoopla surrounding the unveiling of an $11 billion bridge to nowhere that took nine years to build, which is about the only thing that the High Speed Rail Authority has to show for its efforts over the last 16 years. A few years ago, the New York Times did an expose. The New York Times reporting that at the current pace, the high speed rail project will not be completed this century. I actually asked Secretary Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg about this, whether he agreed with the New York Times assessment, and he said, oh, yeah, it'll be completed this century. Although AIA gave him several opportunities to give his own best estimation of when it will be completed, and he declined to do so. To give you a sense of how bad things are, in the early days of the project, the lead operator abandoned the project to go and build a rail system in North Africa because they said that there it was, quote, less politically dysfunctional than California.
Dove Davidoff
Hilarious.
Jon Cryer
That operator, by the way, brought a high speed train online in Morocco in 2018. So high speed trains are not impossible to build. Californians, Americans travel abroad and they ride them and they say, why can't we have them here? It's just impossible in California because of stratospheric levels of political.
Adam Carolla
Because of that bitch Jane Fonda.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I have a question.
Adam Carolla
All right, pause. Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Why are there no high speed trains being built anywhere else in the country?
Dove Davidoff
Well, California's leading us into.
Adam Carolla
We gotta lead. We gotta lead.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I'm just asking if it's so easy to build.
Adam Carolla
Okay, here's what I would say to that challenge. I would say in conservative parts of the country, they're not interested in it because we have airplanes and cars and we actually like cars. So in conservative leaning places or red states, they're not enamored with it.
Dove Davidoff
Well, you're allowed to defend yourself, by the way.
Adam Carolla
Here we go. Wait, let me finish. Blue states are enamored with it and they like the idea of it. But blue states are so regulated that they can't do it.
Dove Davidoff
Correct.
Adam Carolla
So red states don't want to do it, but probably could. Like, if you wanted to pull this shit off in Texas, you could probably pull it off pretty quickly. They don't have any interest in it because they have jet Suite X in south and they don't give a.
Dove Davidoff
And good highways.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I think. And they like to drive. Blue states don't like you in your car.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So in these other countries where they're being built relatively regularly, there is no left, right divide is what you're saying.
Adam Carolla
I don't Think. And I wouldn't speculate. I mean, I don't say no.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But I would look at it as objectively as possible.
Adam Carolla
I would say in China especially, where they do the most in the fastest, well, they crank out the most in the fastest and the best. So it's hard.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Where you just said Morocco. Where was it?
Dove Davidoff
Japan's famous for it. They have it in Europe. I mean, those cities are connected, but it makes sense. The distances are shorter, and you don't need to get on an airplane there. The distances are longer. And so why build the train when you have air travel? I'm gonna call this project Ralph Sutton Railways. They did a fucking comic, by the way.
Jason Mayhem Miller
How long is the distance that they're trying to connect?
Adam Carolla
I checked it out. It's about a. It's about a two and a half hour drive, which is to say through the desert. If you're ever found yourself in Merced and you needed to get to Baker.
Dove Davidoff
That won't ever happen.
Adam Carolla
You would just jump in your car or kill yourself. Or kill yourself or both.
Ralph Sutton
Here's another thing that we don't think about. I have to drive up north all the time. My family's been in California for five generations. And Highway 5 is still two lanes in each direction for about 250 miles.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Ralph Sutton
Think about when there's an accident on that and you got a thousand cars idling. How much CO2 are you putting into the air when we could just widen the freeway? The land is there.
Dove Davidoff
No, we need the money to make trains to nowhere.
Adam Carolla
No.
Ralph Sutton
That's why they're not building the roads they want.
Adam Carolla
Because Rag doesn't believe you should own a car.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Read my manifesto. It's on my website.
Adam Carolla
All right, let me ask you guys this. We'll get on to other subjects that we can all agree upon. Do you believe now people talk about Gadar.
Dove Davidoff
Now you got a subject that somebody could hold court on.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I was like, what?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, when he's not performing cunnilingus on Jane Fonda. He has J Dar.
Adam Carolla
What about douche dar?
Dove Davidoff
Oh, yes.
Adam Carolla
Tell me if you guys vibe with this. I was at the gym. I was taking a Pilates class. Because I'm secure enough.
Dove Davidoff
You're all known.
Adam Carolla
I'm old and I'm secure.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Speaking of gaydar.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And I'm in a Pilates class, and the guy in the mat directly ahead of me, my douche dars going off, like the whole time. First thing, two calf tattoos. One of them, like state of Texas and something. Then it's ponytail with hat, ball cap on backwards with ponytail hanging out. Then it's a kind of general. At some point, you're down in child's pose or down dog or something, and you're taking your leg and kicking it out. I'm aware that I'm 6 foot 2, and I got long parts, you know, and the chick mats 18 inches from yours. I realize I go full extension. I'm gonna punch her in the face. You know, you have neighbors, you know, but not this guy. This guy's back of the mat, full leg extension. I'm literally like Tyson slipping under his heel, throwing an uppercut, slipping under again. And I'm like, my douche star's going.
Dove Davidoff
Off, as it should.
Adam Carolla
Later on after the class, I go take the cold plunge tub, sit in there for four minutes. 36 degrees, by the way. Very cold. Get out and head back into the locker room. At some point, a young guy who was in the cold tub next to me, young, athletic guy, nice guy, you know, he's sitting in the cold tub. Your balls are retracting in your abdomen, and you start a conversation, Anything to just not stare at the fucking small hand. Second hand on the clock, just barely moving. It's 36 degrees.
Dove Davidoff
Gallows humor.
Adam Carolla
You start talking about pain. At some point, the guy comes back into the locker room, and he goes, oh, man, I just had a situation out there. I go, what happened? He goes, well, I got out of the cold tub, and I just, like, sat down, like, on the edge of the tub. It's 36 degrees. You have to stand. You have to, like, steady yourself for a few moments, you know? This guy comes in there, gets in the cold tub, and he goes, what are you looking at? And the guy goes, I'm just chillaxing. I'm just trying to get my body out. Would you mind leaving? It's like. It's a public area. I go, this guy have a ponytail?
Dove Davidoff
Of course he did.
Adam Carolla
He goes, oh, yeah, that's the guy. That's the guy. I go, first off, could you imagine sitting in a public place in a gym, when a guy just gets out of the cold tub, and he's, like, standing there with the towel around him, and you go, hey, could you leave, bro? Like, it's just an open area. I don't know what leave even means.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Also, ironically, in a place that's supposed to be of centeredness and wellness, like the Pilates studio, and he's already coming in without it.
Adam Carolla
But my. My fucking douche star was. Was. Was going off like a pinball machine. Yeah. And I'm like, why? I was just behind the guy. I had nothing. I had the calf tattoos and the backwards in the ponytail with the backwards trucker hat on. And to do chart. It was like going off the charts. And also I must always say, I'm secretly jealous of these guys. I wish, I just wish I could go into a cold tub and say to a stranger, hey, bro, could you clear out like his highness, his nutsack is in this cold sack.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But does that mean that you have that thought that you want to say that and you don't?
Adam Carolla
I feel like I could never pull it off.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But you want to say it is what I'm saying.
Adam Carolla
No, I don't, I don't care that he's there. I, I, I, I, I admire his chutzpah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Okay.
Adam Carolla
You know what I mean?
Dove Davidoff
Like, it's not hoods, but it's obliviousness.
Adam Carolla
Is that what it is?
Jason Mayhem Miller
I don't think it's oblivious.
Dove Davidoff
It's a study.
Adam Carolla
He knows what's going on.
Dove Davidoff
He's not aware of his own behavior.
Adam Carolla
But he's aware there's a guy standing there.
Dove Davidoff
Oh no. That is aware of it, but he's a douchebag.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So, yeah, it's the, the people who look at the universe thinking that they're, they're, they're the main character in a video.
Adam Carolla
Obviously.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Obviously that's that. And there's that delusion for that where they call that those, those NPC people that the non playable characters are around you and you are the center of the universe.
Adam Carolla
Right. So of course you're, we're extras in his movie.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah, that's what that is. I don't think it's oblivious.
Adam Carolla
Are we delusional? Are we jealous?
Dove Davidoff
No, I'm not jealous. But we should, we should hit people in the face more often under the right circumstances.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
I used to go to jail. I used to. Yeah, so what? I used to live near the Hells Angels block on it where they had their headquarters on 3rd street, the block on either side people sold drugs. People women were getting, you know, fucked around with. On the Hell's Angels block, it was peaceful unless they were having a party once a year. Utterly peaceful. And everybody was going. The politicians are going, but we have mentally ill. But we have the mentally ill. All weren't mentally ill. So mentally ill that they didn't avoid that block because they get thrown off a fucking roof.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Dove Davidoff
So I, you know, we got to go back to a time where people said, that's right. That's not right. And if we all stare at our feet when that happens, like when. But my neighbor. We're going to live in a society that's chaotic with fucking guys with ponytails.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I used to have a ponytail. But here's what I would say, that those people who believe they're the center of the universe, every problem that happens, they think it's about them. So when someone cuts them off, it's.
Dove Davidoff
Unless they're doing it until you train, then it's not about them.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But. So those people are in a constant state of misery because every problem that happens, it's happening to them. So I'm not jealous of that at all.
Adam Carolla
Yes, it's a kind of a narcissism. And the narcissism is. But it's me. And you cut them off first off the freeway cutoff is almost always a mistake. It's not that it's them, it's that you didn't see them or know who they even were.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's not about you. 99%. It's not about you. For instance, one time I was playing. I was at a party, I was at my house and I was playing music really loud. And some jerk off shows up at three in the morning to tell me to lower the music.
Dove Davidoff
That's delightful, but it is not an analog for what happened to me, Charlie.
Adam Carolla
All right, Another question. Who are these people? I got another person for you.
Dove Davidoff
Let's do it. Let's do it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's like you had a rough week.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it was. It was tough. First the cold, first the trauma, the cold, depth and then the fires.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And it's all.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's been a rough week. Yeah, it's 20, 25, and when it gets windy, the most expensive real estate in California catches on fire. And there's not a goddamn thing we can do about it. That's the weirdest thing. Elon is going to Mars. Elon's gonna colonize Mars before that train makes it to Merced.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, and China built a train that goes from one end of the country to the other for one third of what they spent from Merced to Bakersfield.
Adam Carolla
All right, so it just gets windy. And then Malibu catches on fire.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, it's a Kafka novel.
Adam Carolla
Yes. So I've noticed that people have trouble. Now. Back before there was all the navigation system used to tell people, follow me. You know, go, follow me. Like I remember saying to my dad years ago, like, he's like, where's the restaurant? I'm like, just. Just follow me. It's up Ventura. At some point, you look in your rearview mirror, you see he's a quarter mile behind you. And then at some point, you see three cars slide in between him and them. And then some point, you realize he missed the red light that you just made. And it's like, I don't know. What part of follow don't people understand? I don't get. So there's this big ass truck in my parking lot that you guys saw. That truck is a Hino, which is a huge corporation that makes trucks. But that was the first one ever brought into the United States. And it's got a story as a car, race car transport from the 60s. That truck is from the 60s, early 60s. It is right hand drive, which is weird. It has suicide doors.
Dove Davidoff
I gotta take a look at this.
Adam Carolla
Which is weird.
Dove Davidoff
I didn't take a look at it.
Adam Carolla
And the steering wheel is almost flat and in your lap, so it's like a dj and you're sitting, like over the front axle. So it's really weird, like driving a steamroller or something. And it hasn't been driven in a long time. And I've never driven it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Is it drivable?
Adam Carolla
Oh, kinda. And I gotta drive it from Pasadena or La Canada to here. So I tell my two guys who are in the truck filled with but moving stuff. I go, I'm driving the Hino. The Hino's dicey. The Hino is filled the back with mechanics. Tool chest, Roll off, tool chest. But we had to use a forklift to get him in there. Like, like tons, tons of weight in there. Strapped down, but tons of weight. I say, you two, follow me in the dually trial should be hard because.
Dove Davidoff
You'Re doing 35, right?
Adam Carolla
I can't move.
Dove Davidoff
All right, where are you going?
Adam Carolla
Put the hazards on the dually. We're getting up on the freeway. We're going over the pass, and we're coming down a long downhill into the 101 I go. Put the hazards on the dually and follow me.
Dove Davidoff
Follow me. Shouldn't be hard.
Adam Carolla
Okay, stop at the gas station, fill up the Hino. I go, okay, follow me. Put the hazards on and follow me. Go. Start heading up the freeway to the two getting on the freeway. Soon as I get on the freeway, I look back. These guys are seven blocks back, and two cars slide in. And I'm like, why? But why?
Dove Davidoff
You couldn't handle the Hino.
Adam Carolla
It's big as fuck and it barely moves. And you guys can't.
Dove Davidoff
Just still can't manage the Following.
Adam Carolla
And now it's weird because you're three cars back with your hazards on, inexplicably just driving down the freeway because you're not following me. So then, and at some point we start like coming over the hill and we're going down this long downhill sort of into Eagle Rock. And I'm driving this thing with right hand drive and big steering wheels in my lap. And my feet are like trying to find the pedals, you know, And I start pushing on the brake and I'm not feeling anything. And I'm getting up speed and I look in the rear view mirror and these guys are. They're nowhere to be found. There's another two cars in, but there are other cars that slid in. And I'm like, like, what is the thing? What is that?
Dove Davidoff
You couldn't pull it off. You couldn't pull off following a guy in a hino.
Adam Carolla
I think it should be part of the driver's test.
Dove Davidoff
It should be part of the test to be a man.
Adam Carolla
To put your pants on, be a man.
Dove Davidoff
You should learn to drive standard shifts.
Adam Carolla
You're driving a normal truck. I'm driving a behemoth that barely moves and as big as shit and loaded.
Dove Davidoff
With 2 tons worth of shit.
Adam Carolla
Can see from outer space. And you can't see fit just to tuck in and sit about 20, 30ft behind me for a short, you know, six mile run. Right, that's it. No, not doable.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Because I was gonna argue maybe in this world of GPS where they're so not used to looking in front and the looking at a GPS that they lost track.
Adam Carolla
No, they knew. They knew exactly where they were going and they knew exactly where I was going. And they've been back and forth. It just to follow me thing means what? When you tell people follow me, they go, okay. And they leave about 300 yards. And then inevitably, other cars tuck in.
Dove Davidoff
You gotta follow such that you can't have three car tuck it in between. And also clip your ponytail, take the tattoo off the calf and join society. Let's all get together.
Jason Mayhem Miller
What if both cars had their blinkers on? People might have made the association that you're together and would have not tried to.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, like a funeral, you know, I.
Adam Carolla
Don'T think the Hino has hazards.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Oh, okay.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I think it made pre hazards.
Dove Davidoff
It's pre hazard.
Adam Carolla
Pre hazard.
Dove Davidoff
It's a classic pre hazard truck. Adam.
Adam Carolla
That's a Dukes of Hazard.
Dove Davidoff
Dukes of Hazard, boys. Post Dukes of Hazard.
Adam Carolla
That's right. We're going to Oregon. Origin story Boss Hogg is 17 and in high school. Yeah. Except Enos is 14 and struggling.
Dove Davidoff
Who's the other one?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Roscoe.
Dove Davidoff
Pico train.
Adam Carolla
Roscoe.
Dove Davidoff
Pico train. He could folly in the hino. Roscoe.
Adam Carolla
Oh, Roscoe follow me sideways.
Dove Davidoff
They would push him out of town if he couldn't follow you in the hino.
Adam Carolla
The idea that the Dukes of Hazzard was made in modern times, tremendous. Kind of flag on the roof is kind of insane. But just the fact that this guy went.
Jason Mayhem Miller
The Roscoe and Roscog was crazy.
Adam Carolla
Boss Hogg and Enos. Enos ran the.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Enos was later on, though, right? Enos is towards the end of the series.
Dove Davidoff
Oh, and Luke, Daisy.
Adam Carolla
Dudes.
Dove Davidoff
You grew up in New York City. You watched that? Yeah, that was my favorite show.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I like to see how the other.
Dove Davidoff
Half lived, but I grew up in a junkyard. You grew up in urban sophisticates.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Yeah, I was listening that. Who Dawes? Was it Merle Haggard.
Dove Davidoff
Who.
Adam Carolla
Who did the song?
Ralph Sutton
Waylon Jennings.
Dove Davidoff
Even better.
Adam Carolla
Even better. Yeah, it had a good.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And Daisy Dukes was not only inspired a generation to wear short jean shorts. She was gorgeous. Jesus.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, she was. She was something. But the fact that all in the Family and Mary Tyler Moore was like 15 years before that show, and this is what we did in 1980.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Summer look from Daisy Dukes.
Adam Carolla
Exactly.
Dove Davidoff
No, no. It all led up to that. You know, in some ways, we're moving in some strange, you know, alternate universe direction. We're all in the family. I don't know. I mean, we're headed. Maybe the pendulum is swinging back now, you know, with this last election. I don't know. Yeah, well, to have an entrepreneur in there, you know, the. The office of Doge, I mean, it's. It's pretty incredible. I don't know whether if it's gonna. Too little too late. I don't know.
Adam Carolla
Well, here's what I always say. Safe spaces and octagons.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, there you go.
Adam Carolla
People either go into a safe space or they're going to an octagon. And the guys going to the octagons or going deeper. Like, think about this just sociologically. I'm in California, and this is the home of the electric car and Prius and all that. And we got a governor that says we're not going to sell any internal combustion engine cars in 20, 30 and everything and other. I've never seen more Jeeps with lift kits on them and more big Rams and TRX and Duallys and Star Capital here.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All of a Sudden I'm seeing desert trophy trucks pull up next to me everywhere. I grew up out here. Used to be everyone just drove a Cambridge or a Honda or whatever. Everyone just drove something sensible. Now it's Raptors, Broncos with lift kits, and then all electric cars. Why is that? Well, because when you push one group into an electric car, there's another group that goes, fuck that, I'm getting a raptor and I'm putting a lift kit on it. And so now we got safe spaces and octagons, and that's what we're doing.
Jason Mayhem Miller
The whole country is getting more and more polarized, not more and more together. That's what's happening. It's a good.
Dove Davidoff
But it's an interesting analogy because I would imagine in an octagon, you're gonna find out more about yourself. In a safe space, you're defending against reality to some degree, which is the nature of a safe space.
Jason Mayhem Miller
What if your safe space is an octagon?
Dove Davidoff
It's not by definition. It can't.
Adam Carolla
No, what's gonna happen is the people are gonna move to Texas who want that life or whatever, Florida, whatever, what's going on, and the other people aren't. And the octagon, it's basically. You can define your safe space by you announcing that you're sanctuary city, but the problem is the safe spaces won't work.
Dove Davidoff
No, they're not working.
Adam Carolla
Safe spaces can't work.
Dove Davidoff
They're clearly not working.
Adam Carolla
You can't just announce your sanctuary city. You need to put a whole bunch of stuff in place. They also follow money. So the safe spaces are going to have to hit up the octagons for protection and money at some point because the safe space idea is not. Not going to work.
Dove Davidoff
Well, a lot of. I mean, you saw pre. Covid Post.
Adam Carolla
Covid.
Dove Davidoff
So I'm in the real estate business in New York. And I mean, things haven't moved in roughly 10 years in terms of price, in terms of overall market. If you go to a red state like Florida or Texas, the cities in those states have appreciated by 50, 75%. Whereas here, I just saw my place on Zillow in Venice. It's the same price I sold it for roughly 10 years ago. Manhattan. Manhattan, Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I own it that way now.
Dove Davidoff
Nashville. So all of these places, you're already seeing it. You're already seeing the rise in values and the stagnation in big blue cities. So you'll see more of it.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Unless they course correct politically.
Dove Davidoff
Of course.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But then they're gonna have to do something.
Dove Davidoff
Of course.
Adam Carolla
All right. I got a lot of stuff to get into with you guys. We'll take a quick break. Break. Be right back right after this. Hexclad New Year's resolutions start in the kitchen. Let's go. Healthier this year. You cook at home, you save money and you don't get fat. Hexclad has you covered. I love these guys. They gave me their product. Well, they have a few, but I got the big pan and I was doing like a wok style chicken and cabbage the other day. It was so good. You can ditch the delivery fees, by the way, and ditch that old scratched up pan you've had since college. Hexclad combines performance of stainless steel and the cleanup of a non stick. So you get all the performance of a stainless steel pan but the quick cleanup of a nonstick. Plus, they're Japanese. Damascus steel knives are as sharp as they are tough. And their sleek pepper mill lets you season like a pro. For a limited time. Just for my listeners, 10% off@hexclad.com Adam this is the real deal. It's got some heft. It's good. It's the last pan you're going to need in the kitchen. And knife as well. Metal utensils, dishwasher and oven safe. Up to 500 degrees in the oven. Lifetime warranty. Literally the last time you'll ever have to buy. It's Hexclad. Am I right, Dawson?
Ralph Sutton
New Year new you new cookware for a limited time only. Our listeners get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com Adam support our show and check them out at h e x C-L-A-.com Adam make sure to let them know that we sent you. Bon appetit.
Adam Carolla
Let's eat.
Ralph Sutton
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Adam Carolla
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Ralph Sutton
For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 18 free meals, plus free dessert for life. And of course, free shipping. On your first box. Just go to homechef.com Adam that's homechef.com Adam for 18 free meals and free dessert for life. You heard that right. Homechef.com Adam must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Here's a memorable moment from the Adam Carolla Show's ACE Awards archives.
Dove Davidoff
What? My mother told me that my father was getting blown by a guy at the wedding.
Adam Carolla
Well, hold on.
Dove Davidoff
There was nothing gay about him. He'd been guys, but there was nothing.
Adam Carolla
Hold on. Doug.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, let's.
Adam Carolla
Let's get back to their dad for a second.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, sure.
Adam Carolla
Guy was blowing him at the wedding. Why did your mom tell you that?
Dove Davidoff
Why? Well, because it wasn't the kind of thing that she would hide.
Adam Carolla
I have a short list of things that I'm gonna hide from my kids. That was 1, 2 and 3.
Ralph Sutton
The 2025 ACE Awards coming this December. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show.
Adam Carolla
I do remember that story Dub Wild.
Dove Davidoff
I had forgotten all about it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
What's the story? I just heard blowing a guy and I got excited. What was that?
Dove Davidoff
My mother told me about the time my father got blown by a guy at their wedding.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Wow.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And they still got married.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, but he wasn't a progressive, I'll tell you that. In that moment. Point of the wedding, I have no idea. I didn't, you know, while they were reading the nuptial, I purposely didn't look into the story. You know, once she hit me with that information, I changed.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Do you know if it was the first time he ever got blown by a dude? It could have had to not have been.
Dove Davidoff
No, no. He used to bang out, but again, my father ran a junkyard. He was a guy guy. You couldn't. Where I was a real guy down in Jersey. No, he would bang guys, but he didn't enjoy it. He was all man.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He only sub with men to prove something. He didn't like it. He proved it 27 times that time.
Dove Davidoff
There was nothing gay about him other than, you know, banging guys.
Adam Carolla
Once I used to go to junkyards.
Jason Mayhem Miller
All the time to Blow guys also.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I just want to see what.
Dove Davidoff
I grew up in a proper junkyard.
Adam Carolla
Pick apart in Sun Valley, 1979. Sorry. Sorry, I had to hear it here, but I want you to hear it from the horse's mout. He was on a junkyard exchange program, so he came out here. We had a guy from sun go out, check it out. One thing led to another.
Dove Davidoff
These things happen. Santa was killed a long time ago for me. No, no. Yeah. In a proper junkyard. Did you.
Jason Mayhem Miller
You forgot about that story.
Dove Davidoff
Proper meaning. We would take the forklift, bring up the car, crush the car, ship the metal from Jersey City outward.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
It's a property.
Adam Carolla
Every third cop show I saw in the 70s, some guy was trapped in the trunk, and they were gonna crush the car. And he was in the trunk, and it was on the conveyor belt. There was like. They had, like, three themes, and that was just one of them. That was one of the three. It's like the first time any writer saw the car crusher, they went, got an idea.
Dove Davidoff
I got an idea. What if we put the chick in the trunk?
Adam Carolla
What if someone's in the trunk of that?
Dove Davidoff
What's scarier than that?
Adam Carolla
It would be nothing scary.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I wanted to do a show once where you go back and trace the truck and see the first time that it was done. Like, the first time a countdown to a bomb stopped at 001.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And then everybody did it. Or the first time that happened.
Dove Davidoff
Or the wire clips.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah. There's. There was an interesting rabbit hole to go down to find the first instance of whatever that was.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
I would like the etymology.
Adam Carolla
The first. Obviously the first time it got woven in the car crush thing had to be, like, just months after the first car crusher was put in there because someone saw it and went, oh, y. Yeah. So you guys. Now let me say I've been to a lot of junkyards because I used to have to go pull parts.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. We did it both. So we would pull them or they would pull them.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. We'd come out, I'd be driving it. You know, you call them up like, I got a 77 Datsun Nissan 2 liter. Do you have a starter?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. You have a catalytic converter for that rig?
Adam Carolla
I could go to the auto parts place and pay full price for it, but I'd rather go to Sun Valley and get under a car someone was killed in.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
Some of those cars you'd walk up to and go, oh, nobody lived inside of this car.
Dove Davidoff
I used to Go with the tow truck of the flatbed and pick those cars up that you're talking about. That's how they get to the junction.
Adam Carolla
Starter's haunted.
Dove Davidoff
Starter's haunted.
Adam Carolla
So now the yards here all had a few things. They weren't on slabs or even asphalt. They're on dirt. But the dirt had so much transmission fluid and oil, the PA would come. It was so like, it was compacted.
Dove Davidoff
Dead ground.
Adam Carolla
It was just dead. There was no weeds and nothing could grow.
Dove Davidoff
Environmental hazard.
Adam Carolla
Yes. But it was almost as if it was paved. Yes, because it was so compacted from having transmission oil and engine oil dumped into it 247 and having forklifts and trucks drive over it all the time.
Dove Davidoff
This dilettante knows nothing about what you're saying.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It was like, I'm just learning about junkyard.
Adam Carolla
It was as the same as having a paved.
Dove Davidoff
Might as well have been paved. Why pave it?
Adam Carolla
Then there would be parts, like good parts up front. Up front there was an office and the office might have some shelves or display case or something. And that's where the Alpine stereo would be or the CB or the expensive tachometer.
Dove Davidoff
Or there were signs saying, if we don't have it, you don't need it.
Adam Carolla
You know, stuff like that. Right, right, right. A lot of they used to have the sign of. They have the caricature of the guy on his back laughing real hard and say, you want it? When I miss. Insulting signs.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Tremendous.
Adam Carolla
They're now all eagles and inspiration.
Dove Davidoff
Now it's all about the customer.
Adam Carolla
Back then, I was going to engine shops, machine shops, transmission shops.
Dove Davidoff
It was almost overtly hostile at times.
Adam Carolla
Like, you know, Bill Hyatt's head shop and a cam grinding shop. And it go. You could have it in three days or you could help and have it in a week. You know, like, what am I, retarded? Why am I being. I'm here to drop money off. Why am I getting yelled at? That. Yeah, it was a lot of like, you're not going to get it when you want it. And you. And if you try to get involved with this process, all you're going to do is it up. And there was tons of insulting signs. So that's the front office.
Dove Davidoff
It was an adversarial experience from the beginning. You know, they'd come in, they want it for a little less.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
I mean, it was. It's an intense.
Adam Carolla
They might also have like a mascot, like a cat.
Dove Davidoff
We had a dog.
Adam Carolla
A dog or parrot or something. You know, they've just hang around in that office with the one air conditioner.
Dove Davidoff
Or a guy from another machine shop that was supposed to be on the clock somewhere else. We always had a guy who used to run the Kmart machine shop and he would hang out in the office all day long.
Jason Mayhem Miller
How long did you live work at the junction?
Dove Davidoff
I grew up in it from the time I was born until I left Jersey.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Oh, wow.
Adam Carolla
And then you'd bring the cars in, you'd stack them, your crush em. But first you'd have to strip the good stuff, right?
Dove Davidoff
Catalytic converters, radiators. You pull the aluminum off everything, right.
Adam Carolla
But stuff like radiators were tough because in a collision, a frontal collision, the radiator was always the first thing to go. But the starter was usually pretty. You could grab the starter?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, the starter. I mean the motor.
Jason Mayhem Miller
If you.
Dove Davidoff
I mean in a front ecology you couldn't often, but yeah, I mean the motors. And then we would have a motor room, a transmission room. And then. And then, yeah, you'd put the car out depending on how jammed up it was. Or you'd crush it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
You'd all have like a separate oral gratification room.
Dove Davidoff
Listen, you do what you gotta do. He was a leader of men. Nothing gay about him.
Adam Carolla
Was your. In order to have oral sex at one's own wedding with a male. Why you'd think there'd be some substance involved.
Dove Davidoff
No, not if you were married to my mother. That's how far left she was. My mother was out there. There were no guardrails. My mother was in sort of Ivy League pianist. She was on her way to meet her friend in India. She was on her way to India to teach piano.
Adam Carolla
She works at penis Ivy League and hooks up with the junkyard.
Dove Davidoff
She was on her way to meet her. She was on her way to teach piano in India. Stopped off to meet her friend in Jersey who was a lesbian woman. A woman with a mother.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I really.
Dove Davidoff
That monkey owner.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I honestly thought you said she had an Ivy League penis. And I really got confused.
Dove Davidoff
Pianist. That monkey owner was renting an old house from my father. And that's how they met. My father had an eighth grade education. My mother's Ivy, blah blah, blah, blah. So I got into fucking comedy. And then you realize how fragile that existence is. So I built the building and now it's no longer fragile.
Adam Carolla
When did they get divorced?
Dove Davidoff
Two years after they were married. They started on that right away.
Adam Carolla
Oh, the guy.
Dove Davidoff
It was a pretty wild scene.
Adam Carolla
But she was still in this refractory period from being blown at his wedding by a dude when he started in on the divorce.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Still in refractory, probably when the divorce proceedings started.
Dove Davidoff
It was a classic refractory divorce.
Adam Carolla
How does one you don't know? Listen, look, I'm with you. I found out as an adult that my mom, who's one of the weirdest, worst people ever, but sort of like your mom, minus the education and piano.
Dove Davidoff
But my mother's a good person.
Adam Carolla
Work ethic and stuff, but super nutty progressive. Yes. I found out that she met my stepdad in primal scream therapy.
Dove Davidoff
Holy shit.
Adam Carolla
I couldn't beat off for a month. It fucked me up. I did not want to know any of that. And when I start pressing you for information, like, well, did your dad get blown in the bathroom, or was it in the coat room? Or the. Of course you don't want to hear. You don't want to know anything.
Dove Davidoff
Well, my mother was wrapped up in a cult. She went to India for a bit. I was in India for a bit on Sai Baba's ashram, but she was wrapped up in a cult looking for God. She spent a lot of her money on free dried food awaiting the nuclear apocalypse.
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
Jason Mayhem Miller
How'd that work out for her?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, well, you know the answer to that question.
Adam Carolla
Is she still with us?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, now she's a psychoanalyst painter in the lower side of Manhattan on sdr.
Jason Mayhem Miller
We brought in his mom and my mom, and we played the Newlywed Game, but with your kid, to see who knows their mom or son better. And she did. We won. My mom and I won. But it came close. It was pretty close. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
So you guys had an interesting and honest relationship.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. Two. Honest.
Adam Carolla
Too honest.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
I think you should protect your kids from certain things. I have a kid. I wouldn't talk to him in certain.
Adam Carolla
Okay, let's talk about this.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So you're saying that if you get blown by dude at a wedding, you wouldn't tell your son?
Dove Davidoff
I'm saying you're gonna blow me, and I'm not gonna tell my kid.
Adam Carolla
He's saying he didn't.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Why are you going hypothetical?
Dove Davidoff
I'm saying I'm gonna hit you in the head. You're gonna suck my gut.
Adam Carolla
All right, well, let's.
Jason Mayhem Miller
My gaydar is going.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, let's break this down. Okay. So I've always said less history, more mystery. And there was a movement, and. Dov, we're approximately the same age.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, 51.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'm older, but there was a movement amongst the progressives, so the whole sort of vibe Global warming and all this environmental stuff, all the stuff we're talking about today was in full effect in 1973. I know. Cause I lived it with my mom. All the food and the health food, all the same subjects were. She was talking about fluoride being bad for you in 1972. So nothing is new. None of what we're talking about is new. It just gets sort of forgotten about and then gets passed on to the next generation. And they think they've. They've discovered it.
Dove Davidoff
The infiltration of corporate organizations might be a little bit new, but nothing is new.
Adam Carolla
Change the name. It used to be called Ecology.
Dove Davidoff
Right? Now it's called the SGA or something.
Adam Carolla
And now it's Global Climate Change or whatever the fuck it was, but none of it's new. But this. So there was a movement, and it was like a late 60s, early 70s, kind of kids are people too. Like, kids deserve to be treated like adults and so on and so forth mixed with the truth. Like, you can never go wrong with the truth. The truth is for all, right?
Dove Davidoff
Not true.
Adam Carolla
I know. So my mom, being a hippie, would have conversations with me at age 8 that I never needed to fucking hear. Because she's like, but you're an adult. You're not an adult, but you're human and you deserve the truth. Yeah, she's talking about me being molested by my neighbor Ed. And it's weird to me because I'm eight and it sounds all fucked up, but my mom would have those conversations. But it was sort of a hippie progressive thing, and it doesn't help. And I'm 100% right. I looked at it as my mission to shield my kids from all this fucking shit. I used to sit around my mom and we'd watch Roots, you know, and she just like, look at me and go, do you see what we do? Do you see who we are? Do you see who you are? I'm like, I'm fucking nine and I'm impoverished, Mom. I have nothing. We don't own anything.
Dove Davidoff
I don't know what you told me.
Adam Carolla
No Corolla ever owned a slave. I'll tell you that right the fuck now we have nothing. So why are you looking at me?
Dove Davidoff
No, it's bananas, right? You know, it gets bananas, you know, I mean. And you know, even the privilege narrative, it comes from, like, the kids I grew up with are competing with black guys for jobs. I mean, privilege, the Queen of England is privileged. And then how do we define any of that? So, yes, they get pulled over by the cops less. But cool it with the privilege. In certain demographics I end up blonde.
Adam Carolla
Chick at a wedding who's old, you know, go back with work wise for a long time pulling me aside and giving me a discussion about privilege. And I'm like, you're big yourself. You're big titted. She's a big titted hot blonde who went to ucla. Of course I went to a construction site, dug ditches.
Dove Davidoff
Save your fucking junkyard. Where the fuck is the privilege?
Adam Carolla
Save your fucking speech for someone who's experienced some of it because you go.
Dove Davidoff
To Beverly Hills and do it.
Adam Carolla
I am white and I'm a heterosexual and I'm six two. But I grew up in poverty on welfare and food stamps and did manual labor. My entire life was warehouse and never went to college. Save your fucking privilege. Save it, save it discussion. And elitist like Ralph, on the other hand, the one job I tried Ralph when I was 19 because I was so fucking poor and rudderless. I walked to the North Hollywood fire station and I said, I want to sign up to be a fireman. And they said, we're not hiring white dudes. This was back in the early 80s. They said, well, it's Los Angeles. I go. The guy goes, we're ahead of the curve. The guy goes, you can fill out an application, but it's going to be years.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I wrote I was a strip club DJ when I was on this show last time I did you a little strip club nonsense. But I had written a book about being in strip clubs and. And we sent it to a couple of book companies and one company came back said we love the book. And they accidentally cc'd me on the reply all, it's too bad that he's white. Or we would sign. We would take the book.
Adam Carolla
Wow. Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's crazy.
Adam Carolla
Why would that factor in?
Jason Mayhem Miller
At the time they weren't signing white dudes for whatever reason.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dove Davidoff
No. It's well known that everybody only wanted to read books by Black strip club DJs.
Adam Carolla
That's right. All right. So yes, I lived with my mom.
Dove Davidoff
But also a lot of that shit with your mom. I don't know if she's accepted. Is she still when she's passed.
Adam Carolla
But did she took it to the grave?
Dove Davidoff
She took it to the grave. I think my mother will too.
Adam Carolla
She went full Jane Fonda.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. And even though her.
Adam Carolla
She reminds me of a really unsuccessful heavy Jane Fonda. That's how I would describe her. Jane Fonda shaped like a parent, had no money.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
That's my mom attractive?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, I think my mother will, too. It's a very attractive image. No, but they'll take it to the grave. And no matter how obvious it is that that narrative sort of or aspects of that culture have really failed, you know, I mean, there are aspects of it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Is it not fair to say that certain aspects of both sides of the coin are wrong or you're not willing to at least.
Dove Davidoff
Well, that's not the conversation I need to have with my mother. The pain I experienced was by way of her ridiculousness.
Jason Mayhem Miller
If you take her up in Kenya.
Dove Davidoff
If you grew up in Kentucky and you're gay and your parents were hardcore Christians, you can take it up with them.
Adam Carolla
I'm.
Dove Davidoff
No, but the. No, no. But with my mother, it's like. It's like even taking the rails off traditional gender roles and sexuality, it's like, yeah, go marry a guy who also bangs. See how that works out for your marriage and your children. And send your kid to school in a working class environment with PETA and see what happens to your kid after he gets thrown out of high school. Anyway.
Adam Carolla
Ralph. Yeah. So your mom knew what she signed up for and that your dad. And do you think your dad was the only bisexual junkyard owner in New Jersey?
Dove Davidoff
No, but certainly in the pretty elite.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Club, I would imagine.
Adam Carolla
It's rare finding, I think in the.
Dove Davidoff
County, I would say he was the guy in the county. I can't claim that he was the state champion. He might have been state champ. And you're in a time where, you know, you couldn't, you know that that was not a thing. You didn't. This was not the West Village.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Can I ask, do you know, like, how did she find out at the. Did she find out at the wedding?
Dove Davidoff
I don't even know if she frowned upon such things. I mean, she was out there, man, for real.
Jason Mayhem Miller
My mom married someone, my father, and he was Syrian. Generation you. And they. That side of the family was against my mom marrying her. Him. Because she was not Syrian. And at the wedding, his mom tried to set my dad up with one of the other women at the wedding.
Bill Maher
That's hilarious.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Not married yet. He's still got time.
Adam Carolla
Wow. At the wedding.
Jason Mayhem Miller
At the wedding. Yeah. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Jesus.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Not as bad as, you know, blowing a guy, but still something I have.
Adam Carolla
No idea about my parents and their marriage. I've never. I don't think I've ever seen pictures of it. I never.
Dove Davidoff
Because you didn't want.
Adam Carolla
I realized, like, really early that these guys were dysfunctional and not in any way, shape or form a role model for me. I realized that early on and generally embarrassing. I was always humiliated by my parents.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Were they divorced early on in your life or did they stay married the whole time?
Adam Carolla
My family is so fucked up in a non. They're so untraditional that first off, my dad. I was just talking about it. My dad just died a couple of months ago and I got a bag with a Tony Bennett CD in it and a book that a friend of mine wrote. And that was.
Dove Davidoff
That was the estate.
Adam Carolla
That's the estate. It's in the next room. It's a Tony Bennett cd. The Rational Bible.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Was it at least autographed prayer?
Adam Carolla
Oh, it was autographed. No, it was autographed to me. But I realized later on when I was trying to do the math on it. Why would he have a Tony Bennett CD that was autographed to me that he didn't give me? I realized I interviewed Tony Bennett on Loveline. Tony Bennett autographed it to me and I gave it to my family.
Jason Mayhem Miller
How do you hand it back to you?
Adam Carolla
So I just got it back.
Dove Davidoff
Amazing.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But my family was so untraditional that and had so much of nothing that when my dad and my mom separated, there was no paperwork and there was no reason to get divorced. Because all that would mean is you'd probably have to give someone, the county clerk $60 that they didn't have. He didn't have possessions. She didn't have possessions. Neither one of them really wanted the kids. So he got in his VW bug and he just left. And he didn't even have a place to go. So he went to his in laws house. He went to.
Jason Mayhem Miller
To your mom's parents.
Adam Carolla
Mom's parents.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Wow, that's cool.
Adam Carolla
And slept in an oversized closet is.
Dove Davidoff
How you end up in comedy. You think it's you trying to reconcile all these things, all the paradoxes.
Adam Carolla
I just. I was always just funny. Like I don't think it was like a lot of pain. I mean there was. But I was always had a sense of humor.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, I did too. But also trying to figure things out and then you end up in these spaces because it's a pretty extreme low probability thing to do with your life.
Adam Carolla
Comedy. Comedy or sleeping your in laws closet in low too.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That's lower actually sleep with your in laws because it would be cool. Like you went there for Christmas and dad's sleeping on the floor. That would be cool.
Adam Carolla
He moved into their closet. Now keep in mind he's 42 years old, he has nothing. You know what I mean? We started the show by saying they're evacuating Malibu. When that happened three weeks ago, when the winds kicked up, I drove to Burbank and checked into a fucking hotel at 3am and I took a credit card out of my wallet. Like I got into a car that was fully insured and I drove it to Burbank. My dad couldn't do that. He didn't have. He couldn't go. So by the way, this is North Hollywood, 1972. I mean, apartments were 85 bucks a month. You know, he could not cut it. So he went and stayed in the closet. And at some point, the grandparents got tired of him living. It's only a one bedroom, one bath house. He had to go through the bedroom to use the bathroom every day.
Dove Davidoff
He's an adult.
Adam Carolla
So at some point they go, jim, you got, you gotta pack it in.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I don't know if you know the answer to this, but did they let him stay there? Cause they thought maybe they would, he would work it out with their daughter. And so they were being nice.
Adam Carolla
They didn't. I don't think they cared about the daughter or him. I think he was a complete mercy mission. He had no money, he couldn't take care of himself, and he had nowhere to go. So they said, crash in the closet and walk through our bedroom when you need to use the bathroom.
Dove Davidoff
By the way, reconcile any of that insanity and chaos. So your mother took it to the grave. What about your father?
Adam Carolla
Did you go?
Dove Davidoff
What was I thinking? Was that moment you were like, oh, yeah, no, I get it. You must have been through a lot of shit.
Adam Carolla
My mom. Now this is a couple of interesting things. My mom did not leave anything behind, but she did leave a note. No CDs, no CDs, no book. I got a treasure trove from my dad. Now, these are two people that make, made it to 90 and lived in the San Fernando Valley their entire life. And they've amassed nothing. They have nothing. Well, so my mom left a note. So my mom's thing, which you'll probably vibe with this dove, which is, we're seeing it now. She didn't want to work, she didn't want to pay taxes, she didn't want to do things. But she did like to make proclamations. You know what I mean? And you know, every child needs a safe space and needs a seat at the table and world class education. It's like, bitch, you don't pay taxes. How are we gonna pull this? Well, the Rich have to pay their fair share. She paid nothing.
Dove Davidoff
She's voting to have the train built right? She wants the train.
Adam Carolla
She pays nothing. But she made a lot of proclamations. And my grandmother was, like, sort of communist and weird. Like my grandmother, her mother. Her mother. When I told her I bought a big hacienda house on top of Lake Hollywood, big sprawling manor, you know. And I basically said to my grandma, because we come from poverty, you know, I said, I bought. Basically I own a mansion now. Like, I'm living in a mansion. And she said to me, she had a helper, like a Filipino lady who helped her shit out, named, like, Delia. She said to. Said, delia doesn't have a kitchen table. And I said, you're her boss. She give her some fucking money, she'll buy a kitchen table. That's her response. Not that she would pay her anything to do something she would blame it on. How dare I live in a mansion when her helper doesn't have a table? And it's like, hey, bitch, I know you feel better, but guess who's paying her? You pay her so you could pay her more hourly. Buy her a kitchen table.
Dove Davidoff
What's the extension?
Adam Carolla
But you won't do that, will you?
Dove Davidoff
What's the extension of that narrative? Is that what you throw all your money into the ocean to help every. Like, what is the extension of that?
Adam Carolla
Kind of. It helps those look at their core. They're selfish and cheap at their core. They don't want to look in the mirror and see a selfish, cheap person who doesn't contribute to society. They want to see a person who cares. So they make a lot of proclamations about Delia and her table while never paying for Delia and her table and then accusing Elon Musk of having too much. And that's why Delia doesn't have a table.
Dove Davidoff
Right, of course.
Adam Carolla
That's how they. And then they go to bed and they go, I'm a good person.
Dove Davidoff
In the face of all of the evidence that socialism shrinks the pie for everyone. It's like what Churchill said, that capitalism is terrible except for all of the others.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Right?
Adam Carolla
Right. And somebody said. Or Thatcher. Someone said, socialism's good until you run out of other people's money.
Dove Davidoff
Until you run out of other people's money.
Adam Carolla
Keeps. My mom loved that, but she wanted people like me to pay for Delia and her table. Well, she never really thought about getting a job.
Dove Davidoff
But if you had another billion dollars, you couldn't pay for all of the Delias. So we Would still have millions of delias. All.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's also a lot of kitchen tables.
Dove Davidoff
But it's really a major challenge.
Adam Carolla
Yes, yes. But they should stop feeling like heroes and stop making proclamations.
Dove Davidoff
Thousand percent.
Adam Carolla
That's who they were, and we're seeing it today. But all that as it's made. My mom and dad were not successful, but my mom was thoughtful enough to know that she was not good and not a good, good mom.
Dove Davidoff
So in the context of guilt, what does that mean?
Adam Carolla
Well, what my mom would do is every, you know, Olympic season, she would say, look, I know I wasn't a good mom, and I know I would ever.
Dove Davidoff
During the Olympics.
Adam Carolla
Well, four years.
Dove Davidoff
But we did have skiing, didn't we, Ma?
Jason Mayhem Miller
She would get emotional during the decathlon.
Dove Davidoff
I thought you guys just shared a passion for the downslope. Once every four years, we'd bond.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I wouldn't necessarily be connected to the Olympics per se, but every. Every four years. Several fortnights. She didn't own a fort, though.
Dove Davidoff
So you guys weren't a fort.
Adam Carolla
No, no, no.
Dove Davidoff
I tell you, this dumb guy's pretty slow.
Adam Carolla
I gotta get my analysis worked out. I'm confusing.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
So she would go like, oh, I know I wasn't a good parent, but there was great love. But then I'm gonna go back to doing nothing and acting how I acted and doing whatever.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Did you feel that she was in love? Like, she was loved? They loved her.
Adam Carolla
No, no. What I realized, and it's why I have such a burr in my saddle that I don't own a horse. Duff. That is not a horse.
Dove Davidoff
So where do you buy these saddles at?
Adam Carolla
No, no, no. Duff. It's a phrase.
Dove Davidoff
I swear to God, I'm not a moron.
Adam Carolla
I'm turning a phrase. I didn't take a horse.
Dove Davidoff
I'm taking poetic license. Dove.
Adam Carolla
So what I realized, and it's why I have such a visceral reaction to it, which is when AOC makes the proclamation like, no child should be put in a cage or whatever, it's like, bitch, you better work something out then. Because if you're coming here unaccompanied, we can't just put you into the interior of the country. Like, work it out. No, no, you do no working out. You make proclamations.
Dove Davidoff
And that's what.
Adam Carolla
That's what my mom did.
Dove Davidoff
And so everybody should have fill in the blank. How do we do that economically?
Adam Carolla
Right? So we're not. When my mom died, I was presented with a note, and the note was about A half page, typed. But I didn't get a separate note from my sister. We got the same note.
Jason Mayhem Miller
One note, meaning. Wait, two copies or one note for the two of you?
Adam Carolla
We had two copies of the same note. Which. First off. All right, so just.
Dove Davidoff
That's insane.
Adam Carolla
Let's just think about it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Your child.
Dove Davidoff
That's insane.
Adam Carolla
Okay? My sister and I are very different people who've taken very different trajectories in life. And we really. Although we're good, and I get along with her and I love her, we have nothing in common. I mean, I did this, she did that. You know, she cut hair. I got into comedy. You know, it's just a totally different. A totally different thing. So the idea. And we were raised different, and I was a sports guy, and she ran away from home when she was young. And the idea that there'd be one page that would sort of COVID both of us is insane.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Take care of your brother in parentheses or sister.
Adam Carolla
Dear sir or ma'am. So here's the whole point. My mom, before she died, went, I gotta shit something out that covers me for eternity. So I'll just write a thing that basically said, even though I didn't do any of the things that would have been an expression of love, I hope you understand there was great love. Thanks.
Dove Davidoff
Your mom's proclamation right to the end, right?
Adam Carolla
And so I was like, oh, you just want to assuage not cooking any meals or saving up for college. You just got. You just thought you had something to present.
Dove Davidoff
On top of that, you photocopied one.
Adam Carolla
Letter you're gonna present.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's also weird. It was titled To Whom It May Concern.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dove Davidoff
To Whom It May Conserve.
Adam Carolla
You may already be a winner. Yeah. Mr. And Mrs. Permanent dweller. That's what showed up with the Penny Saver. She wanted something to Pres. St. Peter. Right? She wanted to St. Peter. Hey, look, I didn't do anything that was good as a mom, but I did craft this. I shit this out 10 minutes before I died. I gave him a copy. Each kid's got a copy. Was she a narcissist for real? I would argue that creating one document, not a one for the son and one for the daughter, just a one document. Proves my point. You're actually. You're arguing with your own point when you're saying there was great love. It's like you couldn't crap out a separate one for cis.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Did it say dictated but not read at the end also?
Dove Davidoff
No, no. It's a cataclysmic irony.
Adam Carolla
Yes, it is. It's ironic, but of the highest order. Well, it's ironic that you craft.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I don't think it's ironic. I think it confirms who she was as a person.
Dove Davidoff
No, but the irony is that she was trying to communicate devotion even though there was no evidence.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I don't think so. I think what he says is she's trying to. Yeah. Make sure that she's good on the other side. I don't think she was doing. Wrote that letter out of love. I don't know. I don't know her.
Dove Davidoff
I think she did write it out of love.
Adam Carolla
I think. Well, it's both. You're both correct in that she has crafted something to sort of say, you know, look, long suffering wife, I cheated on you and had many affairs. And I know I was an alcoholic and I know gambled all the money away, but there was great, great love. There's great love now.
Dove Davidoff
Now I guess that love is a.
Adam Carolla
Philosophical question and my argument is, no, there was not great love because if there was great love, there'd be motivation.
Dove Davidoff
There's no evidence of great love.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Or at least two different.
Adam Carolla
Right. Or I'll tell you what, I'll make you a trade. Keep your love, right? I'll take pot. I'll take hot meatloaf and pot roast. I'll take food and a college fund.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And a used car.
Dove Davidoff
It's like executives in LA going, we love you, we love you.
Adam Carolla
You keep the love. I'll get.
Dove Davidoff
Take that.
Adam Carolla
I'll take the food part.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. When I used to talk to executives, they'd be like, we love you. It's like, if my parents love me like that, I would have been left on a doorstep. We love you, we love you. What does it mean? What did it mean?
Adam Carolla
But the irony part, was she a real narcissist? The irony part that you speak of is that the letter, the fact that there was only one produced for the two kids makes my point. And you actually torpedo your own. The. The reason you wrote the letter, it was to assuage yourself of this or to have us not think a certain way. The fact that there's one letter means that's exactly who you were.
Dove Davidoff
That's it exactly.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Confirming who she is.
Adam Carolla
Right. It's funny.
Dove Davidoff
It's incredibly funny. It's like a Woody Allen movie.
Adam Carolla
My saying that's never been truer is disappointers never disappoint. They always disappoint the people. It's like people that are late are always late. Everywhere, all the time even. It's fucking places they want to go. They're late. And disappointers always disappoint. And when I say never disappoint, I mean it's always on brand.
Jason Mayhem Miller
On brand.
Adam Carolla
Always on brand. If there was two letters.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And a Duesenberg parked in the garage with my name on it. And my stepdad pulled me aside and went, you know, she wanted you to have something.
Dove Davidoff
Is always disappointing. Always believe some believe someone. After a while you give somebody believe.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Someone tells you when they tell you who they are. Believe them.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Although I would argue.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I dated a girl for a long time that was always late when it was something that I wanted to do. But never late when it was something she wanted to do. And that was the reason enough to break up with her. That's a little different.
Adam Carolla
See, that always annoys me more because it proves that they can be on.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Power dinner's at 8. When it was really at 8:30 so that we'd be there on time.
Adam Carolla
What?
Jason Mayhem Miller
She was hot.
Adam Carolla
In my defense. Okay, well that's how they learn it. That's the society turns a blind eye.
Dove Davidoff
I blame Ralph. Is encouraging bad behavior.
Adam Carolla
I will say this. I've been with more than one woman who.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Congratulations.
Adam Carolla
Who was told. I thought you were such a Dubstance wedding.
Dove Davidoff
Wait a second. You were there?
Adam Carolla
I blew your dad. I told you.
Dove Davidoff
I'll be dead. This guys.
Adam Carolla
So my knees still smell like transmission fluid from doing it on the earth.
Dove Davidoff
On the junkyard Earth. It felt like pavement on my knees.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Corolla's knee prints all over your junkyard.
Adam Carolla
All right, who's the only one guy that wears tough skins with reinforced knees? That's Corolla.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, that's the Laguna Seca room with the logo Got head.
Adam Carolla
So I've been with many women who have been the recipient of the timeline.
Dove Davidoff
What does that mean?
Adam Carolla
The flight's at 3, but you gotta tell her it's a 2. You have to tell her it's 2. We can't get. We can't afford.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It only works for so long.
Adam Carolla
Right, right.
Dove Davidoff
Brian Callan is that person in my life. He gets the timeline.
Adam Carolla
We give the timeline.
Dove Davidoff
Get Brian Callan to show. Yeah, yeah, I give him the timeline.
Adam Carolla
And so what I'm saying to those people, and I now think that maybe up to 65% of women have gotten the recipient of the timeline. Their friends lie to them. You start lying, you know. Oh, the movie. Yeah, the movie starts at. Yeah, you want to get into the fucking movie? You don't want to miss the previews. You got to lie. Right. People should internalize that a little bit. Like they should really take a look in the mirror and realize I'm an adult who's being lied to by my community.
Dove Davidoff
I'm talking about a reflective capacity. And when you're being lied to, when people are laughing at your jokes and buying your dinner, like Ralph and pretending that nothing's going on, I've been laughing.
Jason Mayhem Miller
At your jokes and buying the girls dinner.
Dove Davidoff
You know, it's. I mean, it's the same thing. It's. It's. You're asking someone who lacks a reflective capacity to be reflective.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I was on it. I would generally do this if it's a first date. If I'm on a first date, I'll lie about the time. So I'll say like, oh, dinner's at 7 when the reservation.
Dove Davidoff
7:15 minutes.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That buys me 30 minutes. Because you could start at 7:30 for the first date usually and had a girl show.
Adam Carolla
So you have a whole policy.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Assuming on a first date. I don't know, people run. Women run late. So that's why I do it. But if it's. If they're showing up at the tail end of that. So they're showing up at 7:30, I will leave.
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah. I will have an. I will actually wait till they show up sometimes to tell them, this is not who I am. You're disrespecting my timeline, and we'll leave. And I've had a girl once. I think I told you the story. Where at? When she came and I was leaving, she said, where are you going?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And I said, well, you know. And that's. It's like 30 minutes late. You haven't even called me.
Dove Davidoff
I respect that about you.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And then she said, well, what did you want to show up, a Lamborghini or a Ford?
Adam Carolla
Really?
Jason Mayhem Miller
And I said, well, I wanted you to show up on time. I didn't know what kind of car we were driving. Right.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And then I said, how about you.
Dove Davidoff
Saying, go fuck yourself?
Jason Mayhem Miller
I said something like, you know, I'm sure you're used to people putting up with this because you're so beautiful, bubba, but. And then she started crying at the. At the restaurant. It was wild.
Adam Carolla
I love it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It was a wild moment.
Dove Davidoff
I love it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I am guilty of very often swallowing my pride to get laid, but every once in a while, you know, I try to do a little bit for humanity.
Dove Davidoff
I'm not that guilty of that.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Dove will walk out Immediately.
Dove Davidoff
Really?
Adam Carolla
I want to hear this. And speaking of swallowing, did your dad BL the guy?
Dove Davidoff
I never asked. I said, is he with reciprocal kind of cat or.
Adam Carolla
Well, this is. But what you're saying is if you're half hour late on the first date, this can be a long relationship.
Dove Davidoff
I just cut something short with a girl. I said, do you know you said like about 12 times in the last 60 seconds. She goes, don't criticize. I said, listen, if you can't hear that, you can't hear anything. If you extend that out, I don't know what the next two dates are gonna be. Oh, that's how horrible life gets if you're that.
Adam Carolla
No. I have noticed, especially younger women and especially. Who are you hanging around?
Dove Davidoff
You say like every two fucking seconds.
Adam Carolla
You start, you try to coach em up a little bit, they get really hostile and you're like, I'm just telling you whatever, and they start getting whatever.
Dove Davidoff
You should thank me for having that observation about you, as I would you.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dove Davidoff
Making your life better.
Adam Carolla
Yes. You would know your pussy smelled if I didn't make you. Absolutely.
Dove Davidoff
You're like a herring down there. I'm tell. He's going to break up with you.
Adam Carolla
That's right. No, it's. It's a generational thing because we. I grew up just being yelled at on football fields by guys and fat guys and windbreakers, just yelling at me the whole time. And I took it as sort of. Then I walked off a football field, walked on a construction site and got yelled at by the guy's older brother who was my foreman on a construction site. And I just thought, well, the guy cares enough to tell me I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and how to do it right. And I realized women didn't play enough sports, so they missed out on.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Well, they say that that's why men are so much better handling rejection and handling adversity. Because we're so used to being denied dates with women.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That we're used to that and we're just losing. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I mean, I played three years. We only had three years of high school football, but I played three years of high school football. Yeah. My two varsity years, we were probably. Probably four and 14, you know, majority losing.
Dove Davidoff
You know, it's an important part of.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I'm sorry. To understand why your parents didn't love you.
Dove Davidoff
Exactly. Had you been able to throw a fucking ball, your mother might have shown you some more.
Adam Carolla
I was all. I was an all valley football player.
Dove Davidoff
Wow.
Adam Carolla
My dad's house was across the street.
Dove Davidoff
Oh, my God.
Adam Carolla
Across the street. Did he go to the gang of high school? No, he did not. Holy shit.
Dove Davidoff
And holy shit.
Adam Carolla
I could remember sitting in our living room, which faced the high school football field. I could see the lights, the glow from the lights. And I could hear the. I could hear the drumming from my dad's living room. But here's a trope in a movie. You ready for a movie trope? Gotta figure out the first time it happened. I'll tell you one thing I never did. I never did the move where I was, like, in the middle of the game, and I looked to the bleachers and I saw the empty seat. That's right, Jim Carolla would have been on that bench. I'm like, that old fuck's nowhere near the stadium. I never looked. They do it. They'd be playing in the middle of the Gator Bowl. The quarterback would, like, get under center on the 33 yard line. He'd be yelling, omaha. And at some point, he'd look and he'd spot. The stadium holds 116. 116,000 people. He'd spot. Spot the open seat. By the way, a black guy would be sitting in. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. This the third quarter, the black guy would be sitting in that seat, the open seat for dad. He spots it. He knows the number.
Dove Davidoff
He.
Adam Carolla
He's playing in a way game. How can he find the open seat?
Dove Davidoff
Flow.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And by the way, aren't the coaches pissed?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Like, listen, get in the catch ahead of the game.
Adam Carolla
Why would you read the defense instead of looking?
Dove Davidoff
Spot that guy in a split sec. How about reading those?
Adam Carolla
See the nickel Pac? The nickel package that started in one movie.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Oh, for sure. The looking at the phone before you hang it up is a big one.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
The spitting blood after you punch in the face.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
There's a lot of them.
Adam Carolla
The other one that makes me mad is the 5. 5, 5. When it's unnecessary.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, right.
Adam Carolla
Like, there's some times when you need to see the guy dialing or something, but when the guy's on the phone. Can I call you back?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Oh, your number. All right. Five, five, five. It's like, you didn't have to say that.
Jason Mayhem Miller
You just pretend to write it down.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
We know.
Dove Davidoff
You're making a phone call. And also the minuscule bites of food when, you know, somebody goes into a scene, they're really hungry, they just got off a horse. They haven't eaten in three days. And then they go take one little pee. You know, those little. Not a trope. It's a trope.
Adam Carolla
And I think it was in. I'm looking at you. Dust in. God. What was the college. The program. I think it was the program, Joe. I'm looking.
Ralph Sutton
The Disney movie where they lied in the middle of the street. That one?
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I didn't know that was a Disney movie. What about Disney movie? Okay, well, I think it was the program. And in the program, the quarterback had the white trash dad, and he got under center and he did the movement where he knew his. Maybe his dad was taking a piss or grabbing a beer. You know what I mean? I'm not going to spend that much time. I've been to football games. I'm in the beer line, up top.
Dove Davidoff
Why didn't your father show up?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Too busy nailing that rush.
Adam Carolla
He didn't like. He didn't like things or stuff. He didn't. He didn't really know. He didn't know he was supposed to or something.
Dove Davidoff
How's that possible? How do you. How's that?
Adam Carolla
I don't know, but my dad.
Dove Davidoff
You have to be a schizophrenic to not know. You should show up once in a while.
Adam Carolla
My dad had a, like, bottomless sort of ability. Like, weird little things. Like one time I was at a little market with him up Beechwood Canyon, and I was buying some groceries or something, and he was like, hanging out, sort of killing time. And there was a magazine that had me on the cuff. It was like, I don't know, Wired magazine or something. I don't know. But I was on the COVID It wasn't Sports Illustrated. No, but there was a Wheaties box, and I saw my dad pick it up. Like I was checking out. And I was kind of watching him, and he looked at it and he sort of went like, huh? I looked at it for a minute and he put it back in and we left. And he didn't flip it open.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But he. At least they say, hey, look.
Adam Carolla
No, he didn't open it.
Dove Davidoff
That's incredible.
Adam Carolla
He.
Dove Davidoff
But that's incredible.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Had you not looked back, you wouldn't have seen it. If you weren't looking at him, he would acknowledge it. I mean, that's crazy.
Adam Carolla
No, but he didn't hide it. He didn't care. Like, his thing was. His thing would be what's. So.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, but that's profoundly. Yeah, but it's.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you can't get away with that.
Jason Mayhem Miller
No.
Adam Carolla
Okay, but that is. It's next. It's next. Level. That's the crazy part.
Dove Davidoff
I walked into brunch with David Lee Roth. We became friends, went to stop by my mother's house. And then after David left, I said. She said something about, you know, I said something about, you know, that guy is, you know, he's. He's well known guy. She said, we're all people. But how I felt is like, yes, we are all people, but you can also acknowledge that's not the everyday guest.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Right.
Dove Davidoff
You know, and so. And so the inability to acknowledge that was some rejection of something.
Adam Carolla
It's weird.
Dove Davidoff
It's layered. It's very layered.
Adam Carolla
It's weird. It's the. It's the opposite of being a parent.
Dove Davidoff
It's the total opposite.
Adam Carolla
It's the total opposite of being.
Dove Davidoff
If my kid didn't trip while running down the hall one day, I would give him a hug, be proud of him.
Adam Carolla
Oh, we have the program dad scene. Yeah, I'll tell you, that's a good pull, guys. I'll make it real fast because I bore the audience with this story a million times. But my mom's exactly the same. She showed up with a.
Dove Davidoff
Shut up.
Adam Carolla
With a tape of John stuff, and she told me Jon Stewart's the funniest guy she'd ever seen. She saw him on Oprah and she loved Jon Stewart. And then she said to me, do you know who Jon Stewart is? And I was like, we're on the same network.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It seems unnecessary.
Adam Carolla
We have the same agent. And then at some point, I said, yeah, I know Jon Stewart. He's a good friend of mine. And she said, he's a little hit and miss. And she threw the tape away. We never watched the tape.
Dove Davidoff
Fucking incredible. I was doing a cop show with Goldblum and he said. He told me his mother, after one of his movies came out like a big movie early on in his career, was proud of it. His mother said, don't my hair. Your movie's not doing so well.
Adam Carolla
It's weird. It's weird. You know what's funny?
Jason Mayhem Miller
I mean, it explains why you both.
Adam Carolla
In a while. Once in a while, I would say something to my grandmother, who was. Who was active, about, oh, sorry, Joe, you got this scene, find my grandma, put me down just so these two can listen.
Dove Davidoff
I'd love to see.
Adam Carolla
I don't want to claim to be the king of disinterested parents, but you're top five.
Jason Mayhem Miller
My grandma or paternal grandmother.
Adam Carolla
This is my mom's mom.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Okay. Maternal.
Adam Carolla
Maternal. All right, sorry. We'll play the scene. Got one More game left this season. I don't know how much I'll play or if I'll play at all, but I'd like you to be there.
Ralph Sutton
How would you feel about introducing your drunken dad to your friends?
Adam Carolla
You think about that. You don't have to be drunk. The game's at noon. We get drunk after the game. We don't need to tailgate. I could deal with it if you could. These guys are always these like pop pretty boys. They're like 5, 9 and 145.
Dove Davidoff
He's got his collar up in the back, but down in the front.
Adam Carolla
Ticket for the game. 50 yard line.
Dove Davidoff
Seat 50.
Jason Mayhem Miller
At least he knows where the seat is. That adds a little bit to the believability of it. Right?
Adam Carolla
See if they can make it to midfield. Give him a ticket.
Dove Davidoff
In Carollo's biopic, his father never shows up.
Adam Carolla
Never gonna. I just. I didn't mean the whole.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Can we started from the opening credits.
Adam Carolla
For the scene where he looked and saw the open scene.
Producer/Host
Not.
Adam Carolla
Not that act way one of the movie. I was talking about the trope of looking at a stadium and seeing an open seat. Right. But that was just the whole scene about him and his. I don't know why you would arrive at that scene. Well, hold on. Do we not have the scene? We have the whole movie, so we'll go to that. Right? But stop when you find the scene I described in great detail. That's me being passive aggressive.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Good job.
Adam Carolla
This is my grandmother shortly before she died.
Dove Davidoff
Okay.
Adam Carolla
And I'm a celebrity.
Dove Davidoff
All right.
Adam Carolla
All right. I never think of Adam as a star and I think people do, but I don't think he has big charisma or intelligent.
Dove Davidoff
Maybe he.
Adam Carolla
Wait a minute. Play the last 20 seconds back. Cuz he. She. She gets a double dig. I know it's funny. This is my grandma.
Dove Davidoff
This is. Fuck.
Adam Carolla
Shortly before she died.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And how old is she? Like 90?
Adam Carolla
Like 93.
Dove Davidoff
Two generations of narcissism telling me.
Adam Carolla
She's telling a camera crew.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That's there for you.
Adam Carolla
That's there because I'm shooting a TV show.
Dove Davidoff
This is phenomenal.
Adam Carolla
Not a fan.
Dove Davidoff
Phenomenal stuff.
Adam Carolla
I never think of Adam as a star and I think people do. But I don't think he has big charisma or charm.
Dove Davidoff
But he is intelligent.
Adam Carolla
Maybe he gets some of that from me.
Dove Davidoff
The one that you do have is.
Adam Carolla
Attributed to her fucking great sound. If I got. Got 19 seconds to tell anyone where I come from, that's it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
She put that on your tombstone.
Adam Carolla
Low Charisma. And by the way, she gave birth to my mom, and my mom took that flag.
Dove Davidoff
And your mom found your father, who has a lot to do with that. I mean, that's pretty incredible.
Adam Carolla
Incredible on both sides.
Jason Mayhem Miller
At least she said. At least other people do. So she acknowledged that you're a celebrity, something. It's a Monica of something.
Adam Carolla
She doesn't think of me. It's a way to insulity. But other people do.
Jason Mayhem Miller
At least she didn't have to put that on the line. And that's a little something.
Dove Davidoff
It's nothing other people do.
Adam Carolla
But I didn't lack charisma. Charisma. Charisma's invisible. All grandmothers. Charles Manson's grandmother thought he had a lot of charisma.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Did you guys get the seat view?
Dove Davidoff
You know, in psychological lexicon, they call it a holding period. That even if you had one crazy, narcissistic parent, if you had one that was a proper three dimensional experience, you'll be okay. If you have both, the probability that you're gonna be okay in life is really low. So you beat some odds all.
Adam Carolla
I'll take that. All right, we got the scene. I guess I would love a little.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Bit of Backstory for about 20 minutes.
Adam Carolla
Joe Kane will be starting at quarterback. Somebody took a sticker, wrote dad on the seat.
Dove Davidoff
He's having a beer with Adam's father, by the way.
Adam Carolla
All right, let's see it again. Just from a filmmaking standpoint, did we have to stay on the seat for 10 Mississippi and zoom in tight on it, or can we just see that?
Jason Mayhem Miller
That's the standard problem with the old movie. They assume people are idiots. Every seat.
Adam Carolla
Keep pulling in. Pull tighter.
Dove Davidoff
Keep going.
Adam Carolla
Tighter, tighter, tighter.
Jason Mayhem Miller
We all needed to know the seat number. It was very important for the storyline.
Dove Davidoff
That's amazing.
Adam Carolla
Yep. There's 81,000 people in that stadium. But he found his dad's empty seat.
Dove Davidoff
He found it like that.
Adam Carolla
Found the empty seat. His dad's a bigger douche than mine because all this dad had to do is show up. He didn't. First off, you can bring a flask.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And he also said. He said he was coming, which makes it even worse.
Dove Davidoff
Why is he a bigger douche than yours? Your father didn't show up either.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Your father would say, I'm on my way and not show up because that's what he did.
Adam Carolla
I think they probably charged like $4 to get into my head.
Dove Davidoff
I would argue he might be better than your father because he would. He didn't want show up intoxicated and embarrass his son, so there was at least some protection.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, my dad didn't drink.
Dove Davidoff
There you go. That makes it even worse.
Adam Carolla
I know.
Dove Davidoff
Your father was bone sober, couldn't make it to the game.
Adam Carolla
All right, don't bring up Bowen in your dad.
Dove Davidoff
Wait a second.
Adam Carolla
Well, take a little break. Mayhem's gonna come in here, he's gonna bring the news, and we'll do that right after this. All right, New Year's resolution. Vow to eat healthier. But what about your beloved pets and their nutrition? Yeah, you're doing better, but they're getting a bunch of dried up old kibble. Dr. Venice Black created rough greens and meow greens to bring their dead food back to life with live vitamins and minerals, probiotics, enzymes, omega oils, antioxidants, and more. See, pet food is dead food. And eat dead food. Soon enough you're going to join it. You need to bring it to life all by the way, in a tasty form your dog or cat will love. It'll improve their coat digestion, energy, and mean less vet bills. I've been doing this with Phil holding the sack right now. Vita Smart. You don't have to buy food and keep it in the refrigerator. You just sprinkle this on top of the food you're currently serving your dog or your cat. Get a jump start trial bag. It's normal, normally 20 bucks. It's free. With the promo code Adam, you just cover shipping. It's a free jump start trial bag. That's it. You just go to ruffgreens.com, use the code Adam, try it out for free. Your dog's going to love it. And you'll notice the difference quickly in your dog's vigor and health. Rough greens. So good.
Bill Maher
Good.
Adam Carolla
Your pet will ask for it by name. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in depth, I'm talking about deep. That's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent director with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. homes.com. We've done your homework.
Ralph Sutton
It's time to check Adam's voicemail.
Adam Carolla
Adam, Elizabeth from San Luis Obispo. My friend and I were having a discussion over the term banned books. My argument is that we live in a great time where you can order any book at the tip of your finger at any time of the day and it gets delivered to your house. And just because it's not in a school library or a county library and is inaccessible there does not mean it's a banned book. If it were banned, you'd probably go to jail for reading it, like you would in North Korea. She, of course, disagrees. So my question is, what say you? What do you believe? Adam, get it on.
Ralph Sutton
You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.
Adam Carolla
Well, it's all horseshit, obviously. Like, look, I'll give you. I'll give you an example. Like, banned book. So, like, hobby lobby said, we're religious and we're not paying for birth control pills. You can have insurance, but not paying for birth control pills. And then they go denied their employees birth controls. Like, that's not denying. That's not paying for. I don't buy lunch every day for these guys, but I don't deny them lunch. They can go provide their own lunch for themselves. The band book. Look, first off, they don't believe a fucking word they're saying. That's like in Atlanta, if you hand someone a bottle of water, people can go vote and bring their own fucking water. Everyone brings their water everywhere. I went to the fucking church gym that I brought water. You can stand in line in regard. No, you can't go talk to them within 100ft or give them shit within 100ft. Fine. Bring your water. These are not, by the way, these are not problems. They don't care about these problems. It's like the school to prison. Pipeline. What happened to it? It's gone. Kids in cages. What happened to it? It's gone. This is Jim Crow. This is Jim Eagle. This is so much worse. These people can't vote in Atlanta. They don't book bans. They don't believe any of it. They don't care about it. They don't think. Trump, he's hit larian. Hey, come to the White House for shake hands. You want a brandy? This is awesome. They don't believe any don't believe any of that. Everyone can get a book anytime, anywhere, whatever. It's not a thing. Nobody even goes to the fucking library anymore. They don't believe it is what I'm saying.
Jason Mayhem Miller
She was talking about actual banned books. Like books about bands.
Adam Carolla
About bands.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I was more excited.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Rolling Stones, the Early Years.
Jason Mayhem Miller
The Aerosmith book is a great book. I recommend it.
Adam Carolla
That's right. All right, sorry. What do we. What do we got now?
Producer/Host
We got some news out of Missouri. A teacher is accused of paying her underage students in cash. Give them alcohol and drugs in exchange for sex.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. This lady, you know what I like about dudes? It's like, well, I know we'll decide if this is a crime or not. Let's see a picture. That's how guys are wired. Okay.
Producer/Host
He's not that bad of looking. She looks like she spent some money on some lip injections.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah, she looks a lot like a subscription alert.
Producer/Host
He looks all right. Yeah. The funny thing about this story is that she was paying dudes joints to blow them and allegedly pay them to blow them. Exactly. Yeah. She had some type of sensation, apparently. And they.
Adam Carolla
She paid him two. You said joint.
Producer/Host
Yeah, she like give them.
Adam Carolla
Give them joints.
Producer/Host
Give them. Train dug for the right to blow.
Dove Davidoff
But also the economics backwards, by the way.
Adam Carolla
Exactly. Right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's a real win. Win for the guy.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Producer/Host
Yeah. But this is a statutory rape case. So she's like getting like underage dudes. Yeah, Cash app them. The way that she got busted was there was a rumor going on.
Jason Mayhem Miller
There was a room full of kids with big smiles on their face.
Producer/Host
You know, everyone has a camera phone. So somebody filmed her at some point. I mean, you know, she was part of that. And then her brother in law. Law caught her in bed with an underage boy.
Jason Mayhem Miller
How underage are we talking about, by the way?
Producer/Host
Yeah, it didn't specify in the story. I don't know.
Adam Carolla
She taught everybody I went to high school with but me was somebody when they were 16.
Producer/Host
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
So they're underage technically now. They weren't having. They always had the friend that had the sex with the babysitter, you know, situation.
Dove Davidoff
I fooled around my babysitter.
Adam Carolla
He did. What was his name?
Dove Davidoff
Jimmy.
Adam Carolla
Jimmy, yeah. Yeah. You have a picture of this person, Jimmy?
Jason Mayhem Miller
That'd be cool.
Adam Carolla
Should we do. So how old were you when you.
Dove Davidoff
I was like 10.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Wow.
Adam Carolla
What?
Dove Davidoff
10 or 11.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And you had. What does that mean?
Dove Davidoff
I fooled around. I didn't say I banged. The first time I banged, I was 13 years old. I was in Mexico.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I remember that story. Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
I paid a prostitute. I was ahead of my years.
Adam Carolla
What part of Mexico were you?
Dove Davidoff
Who gives a. What part of Mexico? He's like, what part of Mexico?
Jason Mayhem Miller
How old was the bar? How old was the. The babysitter?
Dove Davidoff
Like 15.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Okay, that's pretty cool.
Adam Carolla
The was 57.
Producer/Host
Here up on the screen is.
Adam Carolla
No, I. I would go to Tijuana. That's why I'm so. Cuz I'm your east coast. So I'm like, what? Where are you?
Dove Davidoff
This was, I don't know. My father was dating a woman. They ended up at a resort. I was 13, I was going into high school next year and I wanted to lose my virginity, so I paid for it. And I still remember she was a sweet enough person.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So you still send Christmas cards if I'm not Right.
Adam Carolla
And did you like walk over there?
Dove Davidoff
I walked into a bar, tequila on the shelf. It was proper bar area, you know. And I walked up and in Mexico at that time, you know, U.S. dollars would, you know, they would look the other way. I walked up, lady said, huh, smiled, you know, I understood. It's an unwritten language between a 13 year old and a hooker.
Adam Carolla
Sure.
Dove Davidoff
And we ended up in a little.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Sounds like a good language.
Dove Davidoff
A little rusty cabana outside of the main bar area.
Producer/Host
Your love language is pesos.
Adam Carolla
Really?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. I only bang for pesa.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And that's why Jeff has Mexican herpes.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, no, it's a good time.
Adam Carolla
Condom.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah, there was a condom. There was a condom. But I remember like, you know, the cabana and the door didn't close right. But, you know, it was when I was romantic.
Adam Carolla
Did they ask wild if you wanted a blow job or sex?
Dove Davidoff
I don't remember. I think she started out, she got it hard. I don't think she blew me. I think she just got it hard and sort of put the.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Did you speak any English at all?
Dove Davidoff
You don't. What am I at the un? I gotta, I. I gotta negotiate a treaty. We don't need to talk a whole lot not to talk to white women either.
Adam Carolla
We got the language of love.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, exactly.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Did you just call this you're here or here?
Dove Davidoff
No. We had the language of love. We understood what was going on. Yeah. I said, I'm all men. Not like Ralph.
Jason Mayhem Miller
No.
Dove Davidoff
That's what I said to them.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I was waiting to become all men.
Adam Carolla
Ralph told me the first horror he was with was late. He just got up and left. The problem was he was in his own.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I told her 7:00. I waited until 7:30.
Adam Carolla
Seven. Yeah, yeah. All right. She's not super attractive, but if she's.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Paying me and blowing me, oh yeah, it's a great deal.
Adam Carolla
No, I, I agree, I agree.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Of course it's not like she was asking for money. She was giving them a real, real win.
Adam Carolla
I think we can draw a distinction.
Dove Davidoff
It's all about how old the kid.
Adam Carolla
Was between males and females in this activity. And that if you got 16 year old dad dudes, good luck. I'm fine.
Dove Davidoff
It's only that crazy left that draws some equivocation between 16 year old guys banging a 22 year old teacher as if that's nearly as offensive as some scumbag male teacher. But I mean it's.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Can I ask a question on that though? Here's my question. What age will you be? Not okay with it if they're 12, 13, 14. I was curious because if you're drawing.
Producer/Host
I was trying to bang immediately.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, me too.
Producer/Host
10.
Dove Davidoff
So there's a scale and a consideration. It would take more time than we have on the show. You left.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I'm just curious because all the numbers are arbitrary regardless for what it is.
Dove Davidoff
Whether it's not arbitrary, whether it's not like arbitrary.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's not like something pops out of your head. You're like, now I'm ready.
Adam Carolla
I think it's an algorithm. I think it's an algorithm.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And it may be an algorithm based on more than one for that. Correct. I agree. I just, I played football with a guy named Chung Wa.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
He was a Chinese guy.
Jason Mayhem Miller
We could figure that out.
Adam Carolla
His calves were so big he wore thigh pads on his shins and would break cinder blocks out. That guy was 16 and a half. He was perfectly. He was no victim. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Jason Mayhem Miller
So I just think there should be more of a test than just, oh, now they hit this age, they're fine.
Adam Carolla
I want like, I want size, scale, hair, muscle mass, testosterone content. Testosterone. Yeah. We're going to get fada. What is that, drug testing? Yeah. Semen sample and the blood sample and the hair sample.
Dove Davidoff
15 year old mayhem Miller is very different than some young boy than this half of a nook right here.
Adam Carolla
Well, I mean, what about LeBron James? LeBron James was 15 and a half. LeBron James has been dunking on a regulation hoop since he was 12. Right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So that's why I'm just saying that, playing devil's advocate to that. It's not all things are not even that's all we need.
Adam Carolla
We need you side to get involved.
Dove Davidoff
I agree, but the left is saying it is all equal.
Adam Carolla
And it's also not if it's men and females, a different situation, too. But I. Of course, you know, you know, you know that I came up with a foolproof way as an attorney to get these guys to get. If she's my client, she walks.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Okay.
Adam Carolla
It's my attorney.
Producer/Host
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
All right, let me hear you.
Adam Carolla
Super easy. It's super easy.
Jason Mayhem Miller
They were asking for it. Thank you, you, Honor.
Adam Carolla
I put the guy, I put the boys up on the stand.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. He's got a beard.
Adam Carolla
Right. Because it's seven years later. And I go, you were traumatized. Yes, I was. You had to seek counseling. Yes, I did. Do you look at yourself as victim? Absolutely.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All right, now remember, you're under oath. Have you ever beat off to this?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, constantly.
Adam Carolla
So you were a victim, but yet you beat off to this crime. So you think when people are victims of arson or battery or assaulted at an atm, you think they go home and rub one out. You cannot say you were a victim of something and then conjure it and beat off to it.
Producer/Host
I see Internet search history to the court. There are nukes in there.
Dove Davidoff
That's right.
Adam Carolla
Remember, you're under oath.
Dove Davidoff
That's excellent.
Adam Carolla
That's it. You jack off to do any.
Dove Davidoff
But listen, it's no longer a crime if you've jacked off. It is no longer an active crime.
Adam Carolla
It may be a crime, but you are not a victim. You can't beat off the stuff.
Dove Davidoff
Well, hence.
Adam Carolla
And be a victim.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, the nature of the crime. You should drop this whole podcast and go into law and defend people that need it.
Adam Carolla
Teachers.
Dove Davidoff
Now, you'd be doing something. You wouldn't be able to afford the Malibu gig. But. But this, this, that would be civil rights level.
Adam Carolla
That's right. Yeah. All right, sorry, go ahead.
Producer/Host
No, no more news, guys. Moving on. Trump says Canada should merge with the US has been trolling Trudeau as he steps down. Yeah. Trump referred to Canada as the 51st state in an ongoing joke that he made last fall, referring to Prime Minister as Governor Justin Trudeau.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I never. Sometimes I go, you know, half the Trump stuff, but, like, sometimes I go, oh, get the fuck out of here. And then sometimes I go, eh, why not? You know, and, you know, we had, you know, this country had a bunch of territories and the French owned Louisiana and stuff like that. And I'm sure Mexico owned California. Yeah. There was some version of us sitting around in 1827 going, we can't have Louisiana. The French owned it. What are you, nuts? You know what I mean? There's something like that. And then we go. Now it's like, yeah, we got lsu.
Dove Davidoff
Unless we negotiate with the French. You know, that's how. Alaska. I mean, Seward's Icebox. We bought Alaska for 22 cents from.
Adam Carolla
We don't.
Jason Mayhem Miller
We still have. We have land all over the world. Not just in America. We own land.
Adam Carolla
Places all over the world. Yeah. I'm just saying, at first blush, it sounds insane. And then the next one where you go, I don't know.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Trump is not realistic.
Producer/Host
We're rolling tanks on Ottawa.
Dove Davidoff
On Ottawa. No, Trump is like that. Every now and then he'll say something. You go, that's crazy. And you go, is it?
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
Like, one time, I used to have a bit about it, but the journalist asked him about unemployment in West Virginia, and he goes, you give everybody a job. And I was like, wait a sec. You know, he may have a point.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, No, I think that is his thing. He's got this.
Dove Davidoff
Threads a needle.
Adam Carolla
Well, he's got this look. What people don't understand is because the rest of the world thinking he's off is a positive for us, we look at it as a negative. They know who Kamala Harris and Joe Biden is. And Putin can do whatever he wants, but there's a story where Vladimir said to Trump. Trump said to Vladimir, you invade this whatever, I'm gonna nuke you. And then Vladimir went, you're not gonna do that. And he said, well, who knows? You know what I mean?
Dove Davidoff
He's done with tariffs right now.
Adam Carolla
Who knows Is enough to get people to stop. A lot of the cars are close to the. A lot of shit. Yes. All right, what else?
Producer/Host
Well, also in that story, Trump has mentioned Canada taking over Panama and buying Greenland. So I don't know.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But I did read that now Greenland's trying to get independent from whoever's part of the Greenland.
Producer/Host
The Danes.
Adam Carolla
Speaking of Panama, your mom did not.
Dove Davidoff
Care that my mother in Panama.
Adam Carolla
Well, David Lee Roth.
Producer/Host
Yeah.
Dove Davidoff
No, no.
Adam Carolla
The best song ever.
Dove Davidoff
She didn't care at all. And I could give a. About. About celebrity worship. I'm just saying acknowledge. It wasn't the regular story with Dave.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Also, by the way, there is the other side of that, where people get too excited around us.
Dove Davidoff
I just said celebrity worship is garbage. It's stupid.
Adam Carolla
No, that's not what we're talking about. It's the theme. I told my. My mom. I don't know, whenever Trump won or whatever, years ago or whatever, I just go. I go, I know Trump. I'm friends with him, you know, to some degree. I got an idea who he is. And I don't think. And she goes, you don't know Trump, Right? And I said, I do know Trump. And she goes, no, you don't know. I said, well, I do, and I do know him, and I've worked with him and I've done stuff with him, and I do know him. She's like, you know, but you don't know him. And I was like, hold on. Are you trying to talk your son out of knowing the President of the United States? Most parents would go the other.
Dove Davidoff
It's another direction of that video with your grandmother never.
Adam Carolla
She's fucking bananas. I know.
Dove Davidoff
I don't know how you make it through the night. I mean, that is. That is.
Adam Carolla
I started saying there. Are you saying to me, I don't know Trump? Because I do know Trump. Are you saying, I don't know what's lurking deep?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Maybe she's like, how do we know it? We don't really know know anybody. Maybe she meant more.
Producer/Host
Did she clarify that?
Adam Carolla
I don't understand. She could have went, oh, really?
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, tell me more. More.
Adam Carolla
Where'd you meet him? Or how is he in real life.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That oblivious to your career that she didn't even know that you, like, were on that show with him or whatever.
Adam Carolla
I don't. I don't think that would lead.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Like, one of her friends at bridge club would be like, oh, I saw.
Producer/Host
Right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Your son on the show, you know, something like that.
Producer/Host
You know, pitch club.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Dove Davidoff
They were just resistant to experiencing you as something that was valuable.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Oh, and you don't think it's jealousy? You don't think it's jealousy?
Adam Carolla
No, no, no. They didn't. They didn't know. No, they didn't. They didn't know what to do. So what I'm. What I'm saying is, like, my family would be the kind of family where. If you said, but there's a lot of families that are this way. You go, I just bought a new Ferrari. And they'd go, oh, the insurance must be through the roof.
Dove Davidoff
You know what I mean? With his mother about. She was like, the hair is not.
Adam Carolla
Doing well, you know, Instead of, yeah, but my family.
Dove Davidoff
Where does that come from is my question. Yeah, no, you guys are funnier and weirder than that. But where does it come from? I don't. I don't relate to that. At all. I have a six year old kid. It wouldn't dawn on me to try to diminish some aspect of.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I've been doing that to your son.
Dove Davidoff
But it wouldn't dawn on me.
Adam Carolla
I.
Dove Davidoff
You have a theory. You got a lot of theories.
Producer/Host
I have a theory. They're locked in their own own bubble. They're smart people but they like have their own worldview. That's my theory.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I think jealousy. I think they don't want to see.
Producer/Host
That they're kids, but it's another guy to feed because they're in their own bubble.
Dove Davidoff
I think that.
Producer/Host
I don't know. What do you think they were your parents? I'm looking at as a corner man. I'm seeing like on the. Well every time you tell me another story it becomes more apparent that they were like severely invested. What is that bubble?
Dove Davidoff
Is that narcissism? But isn't that.
Producer/Host
I don't think it's narcissism. I think think it's like operating system that he has used to benefit himself by hyper intelligently spouting out stuff like a trumpet player.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
You get what I'm saying? Well look, let's just call it a perfect storm. A Boolean base of depression. Just like low grade general bummerdom. Let's not ever devalue the value of just a general bummer. Like you know, everything's a. Everything sucks, you know. So it's like a general mid grade depression that's going on mixed with a not not wanting to connect, not wanting to be intimate with someone. Like a connection. Like how did that feel? How did that make you feel?
Jason Mayhem Miller
The denial of you clearly saying I know him and she's saying no you don't. I. I'm gonna stick with my guy. Do you think there's some sort of not immune. Jealousy is the wrong word. But not wanting to see their son doing better than they do.
Adam Carolla
They didn't even talk about that or.
Jason Mayhem Miller
No, it doesn't matter. I talked about it so much.
Dove Davidoff
No, but it's an interesting. Just real quick to give them the Cliff's notes.
Jason Mayhem Miller
My dad was worth a ton of money. The hundreds of millions and I thought he had. We had a great relationship and ended up that we. When he passed, he did not the bulk of his money his fortune went to his wife.
Dove Davidoff
Ralph was convinced that he had been.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Told that and then it just didn't happen.
Dove Davidoff
That's pretty intense.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Found that it up.
Adam Carolla
It's crazy.
Producer/Host
Yeah, I get it.
Dove Davidoff
That's like losing 100 million wor.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And I would have told you we had the greatest relationship until that happened.
Dove Davidoff
Well, that's the part that's absurd.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He knew his parents were dying until the will was read, so damn, he was shocked.
Adam Carolla
All right, so let's. Let me see if we can.
Dove Davidoff
If we unpack this.
Adam Carolla
If we can un unpack this. Did you get a Tony Bennett cd?
Dove Davidoff
Did you get your own Tony Bennett cd?
Adam Carolla
There are hundreds of millions of dollars. Hundreds of millions.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Hundreds of millions.
Adam Carolla
Hundreds of millions. Like. Like 500 million.
Jason Mayhem Miller
2, 300.
Adam Carolla
2, 300. And this would have been in assets.
Jason Mayhem Miller
In assets and, and. And cash and stocks and stuff like that.
Dove Davidoff
Portfolio.
Adam Carolla
Portfolio. So a lot of stuff. And then. Then when he died, there was a will. And you guys got along well, yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He was married, though, for the shocking part, three years to someone else. You know, my.
Adam Carolla
Not.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Your parents got divorced when I was. I mean, they separated when I was like five. Or maybe not even five.
Adam Carolla
Right. And so then when the will was read.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah, we found that afterwards.
Adam Carolla
He went at what age?
Jason Mayhem Miller
81. 81.
Adam Carolla
All right. And the will was read. And you guys were always close and didn't have a falling out and whatever. And the will, in theory, we have.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Been told in the interest.
Adam Carolla
And you were told and they were.
Jason Mayhem Miller
No, no, but I would say this. We have been told that the. The assets that are currently with my stepmother will transfer to us at some point. But who knows if that's true.
Dove Davidoff
But either way.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah, right. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And how old's your stepmother?
Jason Mayhem Miller
65, I think there was a big car.
Dove Davidoff
That's the thing. It's not like she was 85.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Happy for 30 something years. The truth is it, you know, if I'm playing devil's. I try to always look at every side of everything. It's his money. It's not like it was my money, you know?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I. Look, I would. I. The. The part where he leaves it to her is. Is fine, but the part where he didn't carve something out.
Dove Davidoff
Something.
Adam Carolla
But it's not you and your sister. Brother.
Jason Mayhem Miller
My brother. I have a twin brother.
Adam Carolla
You have a twin brother?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
So, I mean, he could have taken 10 million bucks and just set up.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That would have been nice.
Adam Carolla
Well, okay.
Dove Davidoff
Foot shorter than him.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I have a twin brother. We were born in different years. It's kind of a weird story.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I was born New Year's Eve. He was born January 1st. I'm six, five and a half. He's five, seven and a half.
Dove Davidoff
Whoa.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah. I was born in 69. He was born in 70s. We were twins. Born different years, different decades like Danny DeVito. And also they didn't know that he was there until I was born.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Because they didn't do sonograms that often back then. And also we were very premature together. We weighed less than eight pounds.
Dove Davidoff
And correct me if I'm wrong, but your brother's a heterosexual. Unlike you.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Unlike me.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I follow in your fault.
Dove Davidoff
Wait a second.
Adam Carolla
Wait. Do you feel like and I don't know what kind of terms you're on with your stepmom?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Pretty good terms.
Adam Carolla
Pretty good enough to get a little incumbent upon her to. You know. I mean I identify a little cheese.
Jason Mayhem Miller
My thought process with all of this is that it was his money. He can do what he want with it. There's no.
Dove Davidoff
But that wasn't his question.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Right. But I think of course it'd be great if she was. Hey, guess what we just decided to give you.
Dove Davidoff
The question was don't you feel it's incumbent upon her? Which was what my question.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I don't know. I don't. I try to.
Dove Davidoff
I like I'm gonna have Adam litigate this for you. We're gonna get a couple of.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Like I said to you wsi. You know, I try to always look at every side of everything and not just be so dig heels.
Dove Davidoff
That's how you have arrived at neither side. Right in the middle.
Producer/Host
Do you beat off to this?
Jason Mayhem Miller
I do.
Dove Davidoff
Exactly.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I do.
Adam Carolla
I. Yeah. My every. Anything. Any asset. And there wasn't much. But there's a couple beater houses in the valley. Those went to the step parents in my situation as well. So I'm a low grade version of that.
Dove Davidoff
From your parents.
Jason Mayhem Miller
They're super happy for 30 something years. You know they had a great relationship. So I don't know. You know.
Producer/Host
When did the will get relit again?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Never got changed.
Producer/Host
Yeah, but never got changed the whole time he was just gas and they.
Dove Davidoff
Left him with the impression that he was.
Producer/Host
That's the weirdest part is he just lied to you the whole time.
Adam Carolla
Now is there any other place for that money to go Go when she goes.
Jason Mayhem Miller
She has family. She has a. A sister.
Dove Davidoff
Your presumption is that he outlives her and there's only a 10 year spread.
Adam Carolla
No, you're right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
100 years old and also told tall.
Dove Davidoff
People got full blown egg. You don't bang that many guys about picking up a light a.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And also very tall people don't live long lives. You know we just.
Adam Carolla
You know what? I said that to Kareem Abdul Jabbar.
Producer/Host
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And one of the most uncomfortable conversations I've ever had, I. I interviewed Kareem Abdul Jabbar and I. I just said to him, I go, now, look, a lot of it's just hitting your head on door jams.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Because I do it all the time. Six, six. Listen, I was a builder. You're a builder. Dove. Six eight is the height of a regulation door jam. So if you're under 6 8, you should be okay. But you put cowboy boots on, there's going to be an issue. But if you're in Mexico, where they don't really have any Europe, or you're.
Dove Davidoff
Wearing a Europe pumps, like Jackie over here.
Adam Carolla
So, yeah, you're wearing espadrilles and you're in Europe, you're gonna. You're gonna whack your head. You're gonna.
Dove Davidoff
You gotta bang the forehead here.
Adam Carolla
It's six eight. But Kareem's seven two or whatever. But I was interviewing Kareem and I was like, so, you know, being tall and not seeing a lot of guys in their 80s that are seven foot tall, you know, you just. They don't live as long. You give it some thought. And he goes, what are you talking about?
Dove Davidoff
It's amazing.
Adam Carolla
And I go, you know, you just don't see guys that are 75, 85 years old, they're 6 9.
Dove Davidoff
You know, there's no sense of irony. How do you not experience that? Interesting question.
Adam Carolla
He goes, now I know what you mean.
Dove Davidoff
Okay.
Adam Carolla
I go, you look really tall. Guys, like, they just know what they. He goes, yeah, I never thought about that.
Jason Mayhem Miller
By the way, the same exact thing on sdr, I interviewed Joe Manganiello, you know, from True Blood and whatnot.
Dove Davidoff
And he podcast, by the way.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah. And he's my hat. Six, five and a half, something like that. So we were in the same size. Does it bother you that we're not going to live as long as other people? He goes, why would you tell me that that's not true? I was like, of course true. Look at dogs. Like a little dog lives much longer live than a big dog.
Adam Carolla
And it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He got so upset about it.
Adam Carolla
Really.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It was really weird. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Even though he was banging Sophia Vergara at the time.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Now they're divorced, I think. I know.
Dove Davidoff
But still, that takes the edge off.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And I was surprised and miserable about it, really. And I thought we, you know, we were both the same height. I thought, you know, Mickey Rooney's still alive.
Adam Carolla
So maybe some million in the future, but maybe. But a weird yeah, weird.
Dove Davidoff
No, that's a weird one.
Adam Carolla
Weird that they didn't break off.
Dove Davidoff
Break off a piece.
Adam Carolla
Well, it's kind of a thing where you go, you have assets or. He had assets.
Dove Davidoff
He had assets.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He had cash.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Dove Davidoff
And so zero cash and one big building. It gets difficult.
Jason Mayhem Miller
This guy could have split some estate taxes that come involved. They give it to me where if she gets you. You know, wives don't pay any estate taxes.
Adam Carolla
Ah, well, that's.
Jason Mayhem Miller
So there's something to that.
Producer/Host
So tell me about the security systems.
Adam Carolla
At your mom's house. All right, let's do one more. All right.
Producer/Host
Bill Maher tells somebody they're too woke. Yeah. After refusing to judge Islam over his treatment of women, Bill Maher called Two and a Half Men star Jon Cryer crazy Woke after the actor refused to criticize Islam in a strict dress code for women.
Adam Carolla
Jim Cryer used to be my neighbor. But we'll play the clips a minute 52 long.
Dove Davidoff
Wouldn't the woke be the first people to criticize Islam about their treatment of women?
Adam Carolla
They're inconsistent.
Dove Davidoff
So it's an inverse kind of.
Adam Carolla
It's like Gays for Palestine.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, there you go.
Adam Carolla
All right, let's hear it.
Bill Maher
They did. They also did a great piece some years ago about a woman in London who was in the Muslim neighborhoods. And you know, they're screaming at her because she's wearing a skirt and stuff like that. And you know, the point of it was, you know, there are places in western civilizations that are like run not by Western standards. And that doesn't mean they're just different.
Adam Carolla
Well, yeah, but I mean, there are, there are cultural enclaves everywhere, you know.
Dove Davidoff
Right.
Bill Maher
But we, we should agree that women should be able to wear.
Adam Carolla
Can we pause it for a second? Listen, I don't know whose interior designer is, but. But he looks like he's in a Lily Tomlin sketch where she played the nine year old girl. Because his bill is five foot nothing, but he got an armchair where the arms go up an extra nine inches, which go up to nipple. Your armchair arm shouldn't be nipple height.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That's so weird.
Adam Carolla
His head barely gets above the top of the thing. He looks like a nine year old.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Boy playing dress up.
Adam Carolla
Playing dress up in a talk show. Like this is the wrong chair. Like, you know when a chick's a little chunky and they go, you need vertical stripes. Vertical stripes. And like I feel that way with Bill.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
He looks like a dwarf. He looks like Billy Barty got dropped onto a chair.
Jason Mayhem Miller
If they were to pull back, his feet would be dangling and swinging back and forth.
Adam Carolla
And I, I, I, I, I don't see him drinking a brandy snifter. I see him with a giant lollipop.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
Using that chair.
Dove Davidoff
He looks like he's out of the Hobbit movie and the one sat in the wrong chair.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, he needs a new chair.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
It's odd.
Dove Davidoff
He looks like he's being eaten by his own chair.
Adam Carolla
Forget about the content of this. Let's talk about the architecture.
Dove Davidoff
Is Bill sitting in a hippopotamus? Why is that so big?
Adam Carolla
It's really. He looks like when you were nine and you'd put your dad's dress shoes on and walk around the house. It looks like he's slopping around in this giant chair.
Dove Davidoff
It's an odd up already.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's also a new chair because the guest has a normal chair, which makes it look even more ridiculous.
Producer/Host
Yes, it's the same chair. This is a normal size purse.
Adam Carolla
Wait a minute now, look, can we. I'll throw a tape on this shit right now. The space between Jon Cryer's his armrest and the top of his chair is about 16, 17 inches. Go back to Bill's seat. Holy shit. Bill's all jacked up.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All right, so this, well, it's a.
Dove Davidoff
Different shaped back on that chair.
Adam Carolla
This chair was designed to make people look shorter.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Like, you know, they have lifts for shoes like Stallone.
Dove Davidoff
Stallone's boots.
Adam Carolla
Make him an extra inch.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That would be a good chair for me.
Adam Carolla
That'd be great for you. You wouldn't dwarf everybody. You need that chair.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That chair in my house.
Adam Carolla
Bill needs a log like he needs something, man.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He should be sitting on telephone books in that chair.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Dove Davidoff
You got to be confident in yourself to be 5, 2 and sit in a chair made for Ralph.
Adam Carolla
I'm gonna do the move. I'm gonna dip the quarter apple.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Slide it under the pillow. Quarter apple from the set.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah. Get a double apple from Double apple.
Adam Carolla
Double apple under the seat. I'll blow phone into it.
Producer/Host
Yeah. He's trying to project like kingly or something.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah.
Producer/Host
But it's coming out. Car seat.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah. You look like. Yeah, yeah. You look like an owl.
Producer/Host
He's a strap in over time.
Dove Davidoff
He's going kingly but looking elf. Yeah.
Producer/Host
Cheerios in the corner right there.
Dove Davidoff
Listen, Prince understood. This guy wore pumps his whole life. This guy's got a double sized chair.
Producer/Host
Yep.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Prince would. Prince wouldn't work in this chair. But he would immediately have it removed.
Dove Davidoff
He would pull right out of that office if it.
Adam Carolla
He wouldn't do the interview. Get that chair out.
Dove Davidoff
Get the chair out and get in a little chair. Make me look like a giant.
Adam Carolla
I did this show. Was he in that chair when I did this show? Show.
Producer/Host
I think you got a makeover. You know, I think it's different.
Dove Davidoff
You'd remember if he was because you'd have talked about it for six years.
Adam Carolla
Serving up so much scotch. Kind of a blur. But I think I dropped a couple end bottoms. Sometimes blame the choose for a few things.
Dove Davidoff
Who can avoid that after a scotch?
Adam Carolla
All right, well, we'll hear the rest of it. Sorry, John. Wait, wait. Where am I?
Producer/Host
Oh, that was you?
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Producer/Host
Club Rams.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Looks like you're in the same chair.
Producer/Host
You look like you're in the baby chair.
Adam Carolla
Like a hood or those chairs.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah. You look like a Rolls Royce ornament. Those chairs are giant.
Jason Mayhem Miller
John Cryer said, I don't want to sit in that chair. Give me an.
Adam Carolla
John's like, I need another chair. Yeah, he's got a much better publicist than I do. All right, let's hear, let's hear what his.
Bill Maher
They also did a great piece some years ago about a woman in London who was in the Muslim neighborhoods. And you know, they're screaming at her because she's wearing a skirt and stuff like that. And you know, the point of it was, you know, there are places in Western civilizations that are like run not by Western standards. And that doesn't mean they're just different.
Adam Carolla
Well, yeah, but I mean there are, there are cultural enclaves everywhere, you know.
Bill Maher
Right, but we, we should agree that women should be able to wear what they want.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Bill Maher
If you don't agree with that, then you're not a liberal to begin with. Well, call me a crazy liberal, but I think women should have freedom.
Adam Carolla
I agree as well. Okay. I agree as well.
Bill Maher
But they don't in these neighborhoods. It was the 60 Minutes piece that they did.
Adam Carolla
One could argue that, that women don't have the freedom to dress where they are in dress how they want to dress in many places. They used to get cat called all the time. They used to, you know, there was.
Bill Maher
Used to.
Adam Carolla
Well, they.
Bill Maher
We're talking about now.
Adam Carolla
Well, yeah, used to.
Bill Maher
A lot of used to happen. But what's going on now in the world? Would you really want to have your wife live in Gaza or any place, I mean, war torn strip, even before.
Adam Carolla
Even before the war, where she would.
Bill Maher
Have to cover up.
Adam Carolla
Well, Again, that's not. That's not. I. I don't live there. I'm not. It's not my culture, you know? But. Yeah.
Bill Maher
And you won't judge it?
Adam Carolla
I'm not going to judge it, no. But again, this is crazy.
Bill Maher
Woke, to me, that's where. That's where it all went off the rails when you. When we became so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance. I mean, you would never allow something like that to happen in this country. If they proposed a law tomorrow at the LA City council, women have to cover their face when they go out. I assume you'd be against that.
Adam Carolla
Well, yes, I would.
Producer/Host
He was over his head right there.
Dove Davidoff
It's.
Adam Carolla
They. They have a math problem. That's the problem with the woke people. They have a math problem, which is.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Can I ask a question about it? Because I really.
Adam Carolla
Let me just finish one quick thought. When Fauci gets hauled in front of Congress and they go, you don't like groups. You don't want sporting events, you don't want barbs, you don't want churches. No. How about Black Lives Matter marches? And he goes, I don't know. And he goes, what about Black Lives Matter? That's a big group. And he goes, I don't have any thoughts about that. I was like, okay, you're having a math problem here. Done saying, we couldn't go to a ball game because there are too many people. Then you're asked, and you couldn't answer the fucking question that are breaking store windows.
Dove Davidoff
Should we do that? N. Don't arrest anybody.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Let me ask this question as. As an admitted idiot, not smart man. Right? So when you're looking at another, it's very easy to say to our culture like, we're looking at our culture.
Adam Carolla
That's why your dad wrote you figured something out.
Dove Davidoff
I wouldn't have given you a necklace.
Adam Carolla
Communist. I want.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I want a genuine opinion. Yeah, okay, so got it. You're looking at a different culture and assessing our values on a different culture that's not here. Okay, so if they. If they may not believe in some things that we don't believe in. I can assess values in our culture that I was raised in. It's weird to assess.
Dove Davidoff
He's not saying, go there and enforce it. He's saying, yeah, we shouldn't allow that, right?
Jason Mayhem Miller
No, no, he was saying that you should be against them doing it there. I. I'm.
Dove Davidoff
No, no, he was saying in Western cities, in. In a Muslim neighborhood in London, people.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Is that what they're talking about? Then I'm wrong.
Dove Davidoff
But he's not saying they don't have a right to operate.
Adam Carolla
I will, I will address this by making maybe an argument the other side makes, which is, well, how are we going to run a society without religion? And you go, well, murder's wrong. And they go, who says murder's wrong if there's no religion? And I just go, because it's wrong.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yeah, but it used again, not to go backwards, but there were times where people would kill each other's tribes. You go find other tribes.
Adam Carolla
Right, but what I'm still doing. But the whole problem with the left is, you know, a short 122 years ago, a black man couldn't be married.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Short, short 120 times by this. I misunderstood it. I thought he was talking about.
Adam Carolla
I'm just saying.
Dove Davidoff
He's also saying you can judge it there as well.
Adam Carolla
Here's what I'm saying. If you have to go back in time, you're losing the argument. Agreed with that. Whatever the argument is is even if it's just you and your woman, you.
Dove Davidoff
Know, you go, old ancient history, Ralph they call them.
Adam Carolla
Right. That's what dip back in time and then try to.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That's why do's mother was able to move on so circularly in the past.
Dove Davidoff
Ancient history.
Adam Carolla
I'm saying I'm an atheist who has some universal rights and wrongs. And if you want to beat a woman for reading, that's a wrong. Regardless of the culture.
Dove Davidoff
You can't remove all judgment just because they live in a different country than their own culture. They don't want to hit women in the head if they're wearing a dress.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
What if I don't like the dress?
Dove Davidoff
Well, that's a different story.
Adam Carolla
You know, there's a great clip. The great clip is Ben Affleck flipping out on Bill.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I've seen that one. Yeah, that's.
Adam Carolla
You've seen that one. You guys all seen that one?
Dove Davidoff
I haven't seen it.
Adam Carolla
It's Ben on Bill's show getting all, I mean, you kind of realize why him and JLo probably didn't work out also because, you know, she was with her personal trainer at 5:30 every morning and he was smoking on a balcony like trying hide from the paparazzi.
Dove Davidoff
I can only imagine.
Adam Carolla
But could you imagine being married to that dove?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Did a show with, with J. I.
Dove Davidoff
Did a show with for two years. I, I, I don't know. I don't know her that well.
Adam Carolla
But what show?
Dove Davidoff
Oh, I was Internal Affairs.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Yeah. How was she.
Dove Davidoff
She was cool to work with, but I didn't get into, you know, real conversations with her. I mean, every now and then.
Adam Carolla
No, I just mean she was the kind of person that's doing Pilates every day.
Jason Mayhem Miller
There's a guy with a ponytail running.
Adam Carolla
In front of her, right? And he's. He's a guy who wants a cigarette and a cup of coffee, Dunkin Donut, you know, And. And she's looking at him going, you smell like cigarettes again. He's like that guy, the Uber guy was smoking. You know, Smell it on your breath. You know, this is. I have that. Him spazzing.
Producer/Host
The meme of him slamming the door on her, it tells me everything.
Adam Carolla
Now, specifically telling you that I disagree with what you think.
Bill Maher
And we're obviously not convinced.
Dove Davidoff
You don't understand.
Adam Carolla
My argument is, you know, black people, you know, they show.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That is not my argument.
Adam Carolla
No, it's not.
Bill Maher
It's based on facts. I can show you a Pew poll of Egyptians. They are not outliers in the Muslim world that say, like, 90% of them believe death is the appropriate response to leaving the religion. If 90% of Brazilians thought that death was the appropriate response to leaving Catholicism, you would think it was a bigger deal.
Adam Carolla
I would think it's a big deal no matter what. Okay, but that's what you're doing. But what I wouldn't do is say, it's all Brazilians. Or I wouldn't say, well, Ted Biden did isis. God damn these gays. They're all trying to eat each other, you know? Okay, let me just give you what you want. There are hundreds of millions of Muslims who are nominal Muslims who don't take the faith seriously. Sam Harris. Kill apostates who are horrified by isis. And we need to defend these people, prop them up and let them replace ISIS couldn't fill a double. A ballpark in Charleston, West Virginia, and you're making a career out of someone. Isis, it's all jihadist.
Dove Davidoff
It's a phenomenon of global jihadism.
Bill Maher
I think that's the opposite of it.
Adam Carolla
There is those things. There's isis, there's global jihadists. The question is the degree to which you're willing to say. Because I've witnessed this behavior, which we all object to on the part of these people, I'm willing to flatly condemn those of you I don't know and have never met.
Dove Davidoff
No, this is not condemning people.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's ideas.
Bill Maher
And people who believe in those ideas based on reality. Ben, we're not making it.
Adam Carolla
You should make A movie called Good Point Hunting where he goes out hunting for a good point and can't find one.
Dove Davidoff
How do you like them apples?
Adam Carolla
I can't find my point.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I think both sides.
Dove Davidoff
Nice.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Do a great job at triggering the other side.
Adam Carolla
That's what they're trying to argue is better than guys from the Boston area. They're like the number one arguers. There's something, there's some alchemy, something's in the water. Just the right amount of educated without being too educated. Where you get up in your own head.
Dove Davidoff
You'll get a ballpark reference in there.
Adam Carolla
Every time you got a baseball reference, ballpark, you got some. You got a little anger, you got a little edge. There's a little street meets college, but not too much college meets with maybe a soft palate is shaped different than folks from Arkansas. How do you like them apples?
Jason Mayhem Miller
That I don't understand at all because again, I'm really stupid. But this country, they figured out a way to basically split us 50, 50, like it's. It's a while that it's not 60, 40, 70.
Adam Carolla
I say it all the time. It's statistically insane.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's insane. And that, that's the part that I really would love to understand how they figured out a way to cleave us.
Adam Carolla
That is right down center. I know Sam a million times.
Dove Davidoff
Sam Harrison, Billmar lifelong fire brand Democrats, they called the left aggressively anti common sense. That was the way they described that far left thinking. And these guys have been firebrands. They both hate Trump.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I think far left and far right are insane. And I think that in the middle there's 80% agreeance on most things.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but I think.
Dove Davidoff
Yeah, yeah, but there's too much allowance for many things New York should be. You have a right to fucking defend yourself.
Adam Carolla
I think the problem is people go, the far right is this way and the far left is this way. But the far left is much more mid amongst Democrats. Correct. It's not. The far right is, you know, sort of Ted Nugent, you know, which isn't really the norm.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Although I would say this. I've had Ted Nugent on the sdi.
Adam Carolla
I like Ted Nugent.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He makes a lot of sense.
Adam Carolla
He makes a lot of sense. He makes a lot of sense certain things.
Jason Mayhem Miller
He's very clear that.
Dove Davidoff
But he's making a demographic percentage point.
Adam Carolla
What I'm saying is, is far left policies are just California policies. Like they're in the mainstream.
Dove Davidoff
We don't not have many far right.
Adam Carolla
Well, so what they Know is they go, oh, these guys are flat earthers. Or they don't. They think Kennedy killed himself or something like that.
Dove Davidoff
But.
Adam Carolla
But that doesn't represent.
Dove Davidoff
There's no state that represents that.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, we were. There's more mainstream. That's why the election was lost, by the way. And that's why. Correct. The left needs to tack toward the right or the middle.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Right. I think we all, like. I do think that we should move towards ranked candidate elections because that would bring unification to your message as opposed to polarizing it.
Adam Carolla
I agree.
Dove Davidoff
The fact that diplomat Ralph assassinate 50.5.
Adam Carolla
Versus 49.5 is statistically.
Jason Mayhem Miller
It's insane.
Adam Carolla
It's also. You know what's insane, too, is that what's on the menu is so drastically different from one side to the next.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But that's why candidate voting would make sense, because everyone's message would start going to the center as opposed to trying to just get your extreme vote in.
Adam Carolla
And once you set it, as I said, look, one, I got a pizza. I'm gonna do two pizzas. One pizza has wheels of sausage on it as a topping, and the other has these cork coasters. And then I said, push it out to the people and tell me what they got. And guy came back with a clipboard and went, split 100% down the middle. 50, 50. 100% coasters. 50% coaster, 50% side sausage. I'd go, that seems insane that we split it right. I don't know what. That wouldn't work with peanut M M's. First if you said peanut MMs. Plain MMS. Go get it. And it just came back. Statistically, it's a dead heat. Turkey jerky versus beef jerky. Go. It's a dead heat. Lucky Charms versus fruitless. It's a dead. I'd go, this is insane. It can't be a dead. It can't be.
Jason Mayhem Miller
But it just shows you that the message, somebody wild.
Adam Carolla
Somebody's cooking something.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Something wild going on.
Adam Carolla
All right, I'll give you guys a plug. The SDR show on Gas Digital with Ralph and Dove.
Jason Mayhem Miller
By the way, your producer, E.P. byron came from Gas Digital. You remember that?
Adam Carolla
I know. Yeah. Byron.
Dove Davidoff
Shout Out SDR was one of my favorite shows to watch.
Adam Carolla
Thank you very much.
Jason Mayhem Miller
And you did the show?
Adam Carolla
Yeah. We call that cherry picking, but we just got the pit. Yeah, we're resting the cherry. Son of a. Jerry just showed up.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I did the show for 10 years with big J and Jay left back in July. Dove came in in September, and it's been a pretty wild ride.
Dove Davidoff
We're up and running, baby.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Good luck filling that oversized chair.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Big J, get that chair from Bill Maher.
Adam Carolla
You'll be Mars chair. All right. And I'm gonna be in Vegas on Thursday doing standup over at Kimmel's club. Two shows over there. And then solo, Solana beach doing stand up there. I think Jay Moore is going to be with me. Medium Jay Moore is going to be with me over there. That'll be January 19th, two shows. Covina doing a live podcast there. Paul Rodriguez is going to come out for that one, too. January 22nd. Skydivecrow.com For All Live shows. Until next time, Zion for Dove and Ralph and Mayhem. Say it. Mahalo.
Ralph Sutton
You can leave us a voicemail mail. The number is 888-634-1744. And you can get tickets to see Adam Corolla. Get him@adamcola.com.
Summary of The Adam Carolla Show Episode: "Dov Davidoff & Ralph Sutton Have Daddy Issues"
Release Date: January 8, 2025
In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes back comedian Dove Davidoff alongside Ralph Sutton, host of the SDR show. The trio delves into a variety of topics, blending sharp social commentary with personal anecdotes and humor. Central to their discussion is the contentious high-speed rail project in California, interwoven with stories about family dynamics and societal observations.
Adam Carolla initiates the conversation by expressing frustration over California's high-speed rail project, labeling it an "80 billion boondoggle" that has failed to deliver tangible results since its inception in 2008.
Cost and Delays:
Comparisons to Other Countries:
Regulatory Hurdles:
Economic Implications:
Transitioning from infrastructure woes, the conversation becomes deeply personal as Adam and Dove share stories about their familial relationships, highlighting themes of neglect, dysfunction, and the lasting impact on their lives.
Adam’s Family Struggles:
Dove’s Experiences:
Mutual Understanding:
The discussion shifts to broader societal issues, particularly the polarization between "safe spaces" and "octagons," a metaphorical representation of areas requiring defense against aggression.
Conceptual Framework:
Impact of Regulation and Culture:
Economic and Social Consequences:
Throughout the episode, Adam and his guests intersperse humor to underscore their points, often using exaggerated scenarios and playful banter.
Gym Anecdotes:
Mock Judicial Scenes:
Television Tropes:
As the episode wraps up, Adam Carolla provides updates on upcoming live shows while reinforcing the central themes discussed. The combination of insightful commentary on California’s infrastructure challenges, personal stories of familial struggle, and sharp societal critiques, all seasoned with humor, makes this episode a compelling listen for those seeking both laughs and thoughtful analysis.
This episode skillfully navigates through complex issues with a blend of humor and critical analysis, offering listeners a nuanced perspective on both personal and societal challenges.