Dr. Drew + Teresa and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

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Adam Carolla Show – "Dr. Drew + Teresa and Bryan" (Carolla Classics)

Original Date: January 17, 2026 (Clips from 2009)
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Dr. Drew Pinsky, Teresa Strasser, Bald Bryan (Brian Bishop)

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Episode Overview

This “Carolla Classics” episode revisits standout moments from the Adam Carolla Show’s 2009 archives, focusing on two episodes:

• ACS #187: Featuring Adam, Teresa Strasser, and Bald Bryan, centered on personal updates (notably Teresa’s recent C-section and new motherhood), reflections on the state of live comedy and benefits, and trademark comedic riffs on culture and nostalgia.
• ACS #200: A reunion with Dr. Drew covers a sweep of topics: the golden (and not-so-golden) age of kids’ cartoons, road rage, touring war stories, and a harrowing account of Dr. Drew saving a life.

Adam’s signature blend of caustic honesty, observational humor, and candid storytelling runs throughout, with the co-hosts bringing their own wit and vulnerability to the discussion.

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Key Discussion Points & Timestamps

1. The "Laughs for Bald Bryan" Benefit and Ticket Sales

[02:56–08:19]

• Adam, Teresa, and Bryan discuss the overwhelming audience support for the Laughs for Bald Bryan benefit show, initially selling out the floor and beginning to open balcony/loge seats.
• Adam battles industry pessimism, citing agents' doubts about selling 1,250 tickets at $100 during a tough economic climate.
  • “We're few but we're proud. We have a very dedicated audience.” — Adam Carolla [04:51]
• Bryan announces ticket giveaway winners and VIP opportunities.

2. Teresa’s C-Section and Reflections on Motherhood

[08:19–30:31]

• Teresa provides a comedic yet honest breakdown of her C-section, recovery, and anxieties about not bonding instantly with her son.
• Adam riffs on outdated parenting, the vanishing "short leg kid" in schools, and the disappearance of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from lunchrooms.
  • “There's a Dumpster parked in front of your vagina right now.” — Adam [29:43]
• The shift from nursery care to “rooming in,” the surreal discomforts of post-op paralysis, and the mental challenge of being suddenly responsible for a newborn.
  • “You are the nursery. That's what's weird.” — Teresa [21:05]
• Both Adam and Teresa discuss growing pains, lack of instructions, and the emotional overwhelm of those first weeks at home.

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Notable Real Talk About New Parenthood

• Teresa admits her initial terror and sense of incompetence.
  • “I felt better knowing that I’m supposed to feel frazzled and confused as opposed to this should be 100% blissful.” — Teresa [29:46]
• Adam likens the early weeks to ugly, necessary stages of a home remodel: “This is the part where you’re pulling permits and just demoing out stucco with a hammer.” [28:36]

3. Parody, Satire, and Parenting Blogs

[30:31–35:33]

• Adam satirizes the trend of late-blooming "mom bloggers" treating motherhood like a new invention.
• Teresa confesses her own anxieties being sucked into the online “cult” of perfect motherhood, and how her blog exploitingmybaby.com aims to show the rough as well as the beautiful sides.
• Adam proposes the “Jack Blog” — the self-important, TMI blog equivalent for men discovering masturbation at 40.

4. Modern Neuroses and Parenting Overkill

[34:33–35:33]

• The hosts poke fun at modern parenting—the dietary obsessions, sleep-scheduling consultants, and the perils of hiring a “co-sleeper.”
• Adam’s gold standard for child-rearing: don't be an alcoholic, pick a stable partner, and try not to beat your kids or have blowout fights in front of them.

5. Morton's, Doggy Bags, and Pat Smear

[39:17–53:03]

• Adam tells a story about a dinner at Morton’s, his philosophy on leftovers (“Just dump it all!”), and running into Pat Smear, the guitarist famous for playing with Nirvana and Foo Fighters.
• This segues into a riff on flamboyant musicians, wedding rings, and perceptions of sexuality (see below).

6. Ambiguity in 'Rock Star' Masculinity & Wedding Rings

[43:22–53:03]

• Adam debates why musicians like Paul Shaffer and Pat Smear lean into androgyny on stage and whether they court ambiguity.
  • “If you’re not gay, why would you want people to think you’re gay?” — Adam [44:58]
• Discusses the oddity of men (Shaffer included) who only remove wedding rings "when they travel."
  • “When I reach a comfortable cruising altitude, I’m less married.” — Bald Bryan, mocking this [50:42]
• Teresa posits some men simply embrace their less-butchness rather than hiding it, regardless of orientation.

7. Publicists & Interview 'No Go' Zones

[51:21–56:40]

• Adam derides publicists who bar all mention of “scandal” topics (e.g., Letterman's affairs) rather than coaching talent on how to gracefully shut down the question.
  • “A fucking day laborer could do that.” — Adam [55:05]
  • Solution: acknowledge the subject, give the standard “no comment for legal reasons,” and move on.

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8. Cartoons, Nostalgia, and the Downfall of 1970s Pop Culture

With Dr. Drew | [58:21–66:45]

• Adam and Drew launch into a tirade against mediocre cartoons of the ‘60s and ‘70s (Grape Ape, Flintstones, Hong Kong Phooey), contrasting with the creativity of Pixar and select modern shows.
• Bryan: “The ‘70s almost killed America.” [63:39]
• Drew: “We were adolescent then. We were living through that suckedness.” [65:45]
• The trio decry the laziness in children’s content and the nostalgia that wrongly elevates mediocrity.

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9. Road Rage and “Road Rape” in LA

[67:44–79:44]

• Adam’s classic rant about LA drivers, the tyranny of misplaced stop signs, and drivers overly neurotic about the “letter of the law.”
  • “If you are listening to this podcast, please just throw down the MP3 player and kill yourself right now.” — Adam [73:14]
• Extended riffing on drive-thru etiquette, “windows of opportunity,” and the dumbfounding inertia of other drivers that leads to Adam’s coined term: “road rape.”
• Drew tries to unpack the psyche of timid, indecisive drivers.
• The hosts discuss ticketing priorities and revenue-raising in LA, concluding that what city governments care about is not what they say, but what they enforce.

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10. Dr. Drew’s On-Field CPR Save

[84:28–91:34]

• Drew recounts rushing to save a high-school football player suffering a traumatic brain bleed, mere days after losing his own father to the same condition.
• The precise, somber account covers symptoms, Drew's emotional state, and the difference fast medical intervention made.
  • “I started breathing for this kid… you just start breathing for him.” — Dr. Drew [87:37]
• Adam turns gallows-humor, asking about responsibility if the child grows up to do wrong.
• The conversation veers into whether doctors can "look the other way" when faced with evil patients (satirically referencing mercy and medical ethics).

11. Quick-Hit Topics and Call-Ins

• “Why don’t we execute clear-cut terrorists immediately?” Adam argues for swift justice over endless legal wrangling.
• The difference between “acts of terrorism” and “disturbed individuals”, with Adam lambasting leftist squeamishness about using the “terrorist” label.
  • “Not being accurate and not telling the truth always causes more problems.” — Adam [103:03]

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12. Touring Horror Stories

[112:14–143:28]

• Adam and Drew share a succession of behind-the-scenes nightmares from their college speaking days: unreliable rides, road unworthy cars, no coffee, clueless student handlers, and late arrivals.
• The men recall a harrowing flight on a malfunctioning, overweight turboprop during a thunderstorm.
• Adam’s superstitions—inspired by seeing a Roberto Clemente (who died in a plane crash) newspaper ad in front of him—heighten his travel anxiety.
  • “I didn’t know adults were going to be so stupid.” — Adam [117:43]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Audience Loyalty:

  • “We’re few but we’re proud. We have a very dedicated audience. And I think they're going to step up and come through for us.”
    — Adam Carolla [04:51]

• New Mom Life:

  • “They give you a spinal… I just found it really terribly disturbing, like, just so weird to not know… where are my legs?”
    — Teresa Strasser [18:19]

• Honesty About Overwhelm:

  • “I felt better knowing that I'm supposed to feel frazzled and confused as opposed to this should be 100% blissful.”
    — Teresa Strasser [29:46]

• Parenting Today vs. the Past:

  • “There's a Dumpster parked in front of your vagina right now.”
    — Adam [29:43]

• On Blog Narcissism:

  • “It’s as if I discovered beating off at age 40 and had to tell all my friends.”
    — Adam [32:21]

• On Dad Qualities:

  • “Find a guy who’s not an alcoholic… try not to have huge blowouts in front of the kid, you know, and that’s about it.”
    — Adam [35:09]

• Riffs on Musicians’ Public Personas:

  • “If you're not gay, why would you want people to think you're gay?”
    — Adam [44:58]

• On Publicists:

  • “A fucking day laborer could do that.”
    — Adam [55:05]

• Cartoon Critique:

  • “The 70s almost killed America. 70s was the worst period Of American history…”
    — Brian Bishop [63:39]

• Road Rage and Modern LA:

  • “Not being accurate and not telling the truth always causes more problems. Not seeing reality on reality’s terms always causes more problems.”
    — Adam [103:03]

• Touring Failures:

  • “I had no idea as an adult how disappointing it was going to be to run into so many adults that were fucking horrible at their jobs, didn’t give a shit, didn’t know any better…”
    — Adam [117:43]

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Flow & Tone

• Language & Attitude: Irreverent, unfiltered, conversational, and deeply personal—Adam and crew blend caustic rants, self-deprecating humor, and honest introspection.
• Structure: Loosely sequential, meandering with digressions but always returning to personal experiences or social commentary.

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Segment Highlights

| Time | Topic | |----------------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 02:56–08:19 | Benefit ticket sales & audience loyalty | | 08:19–30:31 | Teresa’s C-section & early motherhood | | 30:31–35:33 | Parenting blogs & modern mom culture | | 39:17–53:03 | Morton's story, Pat Smear, and musician personas | | 58:21–66:45 | Cartoons & pop culture nostalgia | | 67:44–79:44 | Road rage/"road rape" and urban driving | | 84:28–91:34 | Dr. Drew's life-saving CPR story | | 112:14–143:28 | Touring horror stories & flight superstitions |

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Useful For…

• Fans of Adam Carolla’s Comedy—Quintessential examples of his blunt observations, rants, and unscripted exchanges.
• Anyone Navigating New Parenthood—Honest reflections and comedic catharsis on C-sections, overwhelm, and identity upheaval.
• Pop Culture Nostalgia Critique—Savage takes on the over-romanticized past alongside reality checks for the present.
• Anyone Who Ever Traveled for Work—War stories that befit the “comedy of errors” genre, with lessons in humility and exasperation.

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Summary prepared for listeners new and returning, skipping ads and filler. For full content, consult the original episode.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of Angie. One thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. And for decades, Angie's helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter.

[Adam Carolla]

Get all your jobs done [e-mail].

[Podcast Narrator]

Welcome to Cruella Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruella Classics. You can find the ad free archives exclusively available through podcast1dotplus and if you'd like to get access to the ad free archives of the Adam Corolla show and the Adam and Dr. Drew show as well as access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcorello all right.

[Brian Bishop]

Let'S get to the clips.

[Podcast Narrator]

Come up first. We have Adam Carolla Show 187. This one's from 2009 featuring Teresa Strasser and Brian Bishop. It might be the only episode of Theresa and Brian that's never been played in classics if it hasn't already been played. We're running out of Theresa and Brian stuff. We played so much over the years and so many different clips from it. Such a short time in the podcast run. This is when they were coming on doing weekly episodes. After the death of the morning show format, Adam would still have Theresa and Brad once a week or twice a week, news stories, sometimes sound effects. Once they actually got a board installed for Brian and once his treatments allowed it. Hope you guys enjoy this episode.

[Adam Carolla]

We're doing one of our day and date shows. It's Wednesday the 28th and who's in studio? Well, Teresa Strasser and bald Bryan. Lots of news and for both of them personally. And then we'll do a little bit of news outside of their own personal news. First, let's talk about the benefit. Thank you all who have purchased your tickets. We have sold out essentially the floor of the Wilshire Bell Theatre. We've sold about 650 tickets already. They said we couldn't do it, but you guys have stepped up in a huge way. Now we're opening up the rest of the theater, the balcony, the loge, and maybe even the lobbying parts of the roof.

[Bald Bryan]

The early estimates are far less than Sol already. So we're way ahead of our projections.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's what I want to say to everyone. And I actually got into it with my agent because my agent basically said, look, he represents Jon Stewart and he represents Stephen Colbert and he represents a lot of guys who go out and do a lot of live shows. And he said, the industry is really bad right now. The business is really bad. Even guys like Jon Stewart are having trouble selling tickets. I don't know, Leno had to cancel a show or had to cancel his love ride this year and so on and so forth. So not only are ticket sales and, you know, comedy ticket sales sort of in the toilet, but the benefit stuff goes to when the economy goes bad. Let's face it, people don't have 100 bucks to see Dana Gould. That's. That's the bottom line. So he basically said, you guys are going to try to do a 1250 seat venue at 100 bucks a ticket and it ain't going to work. You're going to embarrass yourself, you're going to embarrass the talent. You better think this over. And I said, but in a much more insulting way.

[Bald Bryan]

That's the nice version.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, we're few, but we're proud. We have a very dedicated audience. And I think they're going to step up and come through for us. And he said, I don't think they're going to do it. And as a matter of fact, he's the one who suggested we lock off the loge and lock off the balcony until the bottom section got sold out. Just so it could have put. Hear that we had an audience when you were up on stage.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. This is very heartwarming. You know, some of the planning was going down at my place and. And Christy, Brian's wife, was saying, what, what, what. What baby doll doesn't get is how dedicated your listeners are. They're not. I mean, they really have stepped up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so you could have 4 or 5 million people watching Leno, but a very small portion of them might go out and see the show, which is we have a much smaller group with a much larger percent and just showing the love of Bald Bryant. So the message I want to send to everyone is thank you. The ones who bought the tickets, the ones that haven't, we've sold quite a few tickets in less than a week, so. Or about a week's time. And this thing is another three weeks away. So if you're thinking about sitting on your wallets or your checkbooks and waiting till the end, which is what I would do.

[Teresa Strasser]

I was going to say, even I haven't bought my ticket, though I fully plan to buy one. I just haven't actually done it yet. So go to laughs for Bald Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Correct.

[Bald Bryan]

As long as we're doing benefit talk right now, the winner from last week, they donated 20 bucks online and won two free tickets is Steven Lutz of Portland, Oregon. L, U T Z. And if you go online this week to lastforboldbrian.com if you donate $50, you win two. Chance to win two VIP tickets, value $600.

[Adam Carolla]

Hang out backstage with Jimmy and Dana Gould and Greg Fitzsimmons and Joel McHale and many other names and Open Bar. Open Bar.

[Brian Bishop]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And the Dan Band. And if those of you, the Dan Band is one of these bands that you have to see in person. It. It's just one of those. I. I don't know quite how to explain the Dan Band. Other than you go to that concert, you're not disappointed. So they'll be playing and we have a couple of more surprise. And I don't mean surprise like normally when shows go surprise guests, we mean surprise, you're disappointed. Not that kind of disappointment. Not that kind of surprise. There's a band or two that we're working on and a guest or two that we're working on that is really going to blow you away. Headliners, people who could fill that theater and then some themselves. So you have all that to look forward to. But again, these tickets ain't lasting. So we've opened up the loge, we've opened up the balcony, and I suggest you open up your heart and your wallet and buy a ticket.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

On that point, take advantage of this time, because when and if we announce this headliner, quote, unquote, tickets will go fast. So take advantage of the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, you know, and I will say this. If you like any of the people on the bill already or any of the bands on the bill already, you will love this headliner that we should announce momentarily. We'll keep you posted.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. And by the way, I feel a little like the NPR pledge drive. But just to reiterate, if you donate $50. Laughsforballedbrian.com you are entered into a drawing to win two VIP.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So, Teresa.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You shit out a kid? Yeah. What's up?

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know if it was removed.

[Adam Carolla]

It was removed.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, it was removed.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at it as an eight pound tumor.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah, something like that. Very, very benign. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And how do you feel? How did it feel? I know you were in the hospital longer than you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, I had a C section because the baby was breech. And that was just. That was gnarly. I did not expect that. The way people talk about it, I thought it was just gonna be getting a tooth out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, they numb you, they cut you. What happened? Breached breech means the baby was. He's supposed to be head down, but he was head up. So I guess when that happens, they. There are a few doctors, real old school doctors, who will still let you do a vaginal delivery.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, they've done a. They did a study that I thought was interesting.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is the breech. The breech children. Babies tend to like that seat on Southwest Airlines that faces the wrong way. Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Several million dollars was dumped into that study.

[Teresa Strasser]

So breech babies are more likely to.

[Adam Carolla]

More likely to fly the southwest seat that faces the wrong direction.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was facing the wrong direction, so he had to be removed. And yeah, it was. The recovery was. Was tough. I mean, the recovery was way harder than I thought it would be.

[Bald Bryan]

Paul, Hunty, Adam, you think in the, in the Southwest airplane, the guys that take those seasons early give each other a nod, a knowing nod.

[Adam Carolla]

Preach, preach. Or they sit upside down on sofas. Like Robin Williams would do when he was playing Mork for Mork.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that was funny, right? Because you and Orc, they do that.

[Adam Carolla]

They have sofas, but they sit upsides down. Let me ask this about the breach thing. First off. Like, I don't know if you've, like. Okay, let me explain how butt plugs work.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Or how. Let's just put it this way, how a axe head works the thin. It starts thin and it works to wide.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I feel like the head leaving the vaginal canal first is really like you eating a. You essentially eating the steak and then the salad showing up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't really make sense. It should. It should be, you know, it should be sort of wet. You know, the feet would be a nice.

[Teresa Strasser]

You want it to be like an upside down pyramid or. No, like a pyramid coming down. Out. So the smallest point would come out. But it's gotta be the biggest part.

[Adam Carolla]

Starting with the head really feels like a tall order, you know? You know what I mean? Like from a nature standpoint. Plus, as far as the doctor goes, nothing. No handles other than the ears, really. I mean, kind of hard to get a. Grab a foot. I feel like if a foot came out, I'd just rip that kid out like he was drowning in a kiddie pool, you know? I mean, just.

[Teresa Strasser]

They can't take him out feet first. They can't get him. They gotta be head first to me.

[Bald Bryan]

The foot next to the rip cord.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, no, I guess, like, the baby's shoulder can get stuck. And like I said, there's a couple real old guys. One of them's, like, out in the Valley. One of them's here in Glendale, who will deliver vaginal. Deliver a breech baby. But they have you in the operating room in case it goes awry, so they can cut the baby out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

So they're, like, ready for disaster. But in the old days, they would use forceps. In fact, I have a little scar on my eyebrow because I was a forcep baby, where they had to, like, yank me out a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

They would essentially use tongs.

[Teresa Strasser]

They used tongs, yeah. So some doctors still do that. But I guess because of liability and stuff, obviously people are very cesarean happy. And you can schedule it. I mean, instead of a doctor having to be by your side for two days and not knowing when or it being the middle of the night, they can just say, show up at 10:30, we'll cut the baby out. Mine took nine minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

It does. I'll Tell you all that stuff that we remember from our childhood. Like, you know, your parents always had that one friend that was born in a cab, right? Yeah, my mom was actually born in a cab up on blocks in the driveway of the house. But technically in a cab. Yeah. We're too cheap to go to the or, but, yeah, it will. The whole scheduled C section is gonna. There's a few things we definitely. Our kids are gonna miss. We're gonna miss the stories of the. The births and the cabs.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're gonna miss that kid with the one short leg with the extra. Add a leaf onto a sole of his Nike. That kid ain't around anymore either. I think they fix him now.

[Teresa Strasser]

They fix him.

[Adam Carolla]

They fix his. There's, there's. All right, there's a bunch of stuff that our kids are gonna really. They're really gonna get the shiv. Here, here's, here's how they're getting at school. Let me tell you. First off, no peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I mean, the staple of a young diet. It's the only sandwich that tastes better after it steeps in the sun for six hours. Somehow the jelly and the peanut butter infuse and then the oil from the peanut butter starts seeping into the bread. It's the only one that gets better.

[Bald Bryan]

You get one, you're like, that better not be fresh.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you better let it like a fine wine. You get a decanter and you let it sit for a while. I take a bite and spit it into a spittoon and roll it around. Then I take a palate cleanser of like an animal cracker. Yes, it is. Because if you think about it, like, egg salad starts to go south. You know, bologna, all this stuff with the Miracle Whip and the mayonnaise and the tuna, it all just gets hot and the bread gets yucky and it starts to go south. Because a sandwich is made at 6:30 or 7 in the morning, but it's consumed at noon or 12:30 or 1 o', clock, right? So it's got to travel. And it's not like you have a refrigerator or anything in your homeroom. The thing just sits out, gets hot, sits in the sun in the locker, what have you. So the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the only sandwich that gets better with time, but yet children are denied. Oh, by the way, so wait, I.

[Teresa Strasser]

Got veering dangerously far away from my baby.

[Adam Carolla]

I have to say this. We'll get right. I'm giving back to your womb.

[Teresa Strasser]

True child lives and my boobs are Keeping alive.

[Bald Bryan]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

I am. I am talking about this child's future. No, no, no, no. Short leg kid.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. Peanut butter and jelly.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And no polio. No polio. Oh, well, that's a plus. I'm looking for the downsides. The one. Also, there would also be the one fat kid you could make fun of. Now there's nine fat kids who'll kick your ass.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah. You know, fat kids have taken over.

[Adam Carolla]

Taken over the asylum. Yeah. I will be. I'm proud to say my kids pre K. Pre. Pre. Whatever it is. School. That. That school, by the way, has a no nuts policy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, not only just no peanuts, but no cashews and no almonds. And they wanted me to do their charity whatever thing on Saturday where I sell pies. And I told my beautiful wife, Lynette, deliver this message verbatim to them. I also have a no nuts policy. I don't do work for people that are fucking nuts. So I'll be staying home while you are with the nuts celebrating your no nuts policy, please.

[Teresa Strasser]

I just keep thinking about that country singer who did Celebrity Apprentice, and his cause was. Yeah, thank you. And his cause was food allergies. And then they showed all this B roll of his little girl and him talking about the worry of having a child who at any moment could have anaphylactic shock. So you feel for that one kid?

[Adam Carolla]

I do. But why?

[Teresa Strasser]

He's turned everyone into nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

But no PB and J. Unreal. Unreal. What a life. All right, so let's get back to. What's his nose?

[Teresa Strasser]

Little. What's his nose?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So now how long in the hospital?

[Teresa Strasser]

I was there for four days, and Buster is one month old. Peanut butter now. Peanut butter. Yeah. So I was there for a month. And can I say, as far as the C section goes, it was. I was. All I cared about was the baby being healthy. That's all I cared about. I wasn't scared about going under the knife or any of that. I just was terrified that even though everyone was telling me the baby was fine, and they hook a little heart monitor up and you can see. And the doctors were saying, this baby's got a beautiful heart rate. Everything's fine. There'd never been any sign of trouble, but I was still convinced. Like, what if everyone was conspiring to not tell me that something was wrong with this baby or they had all missed it. So when the baby came out, I was like. I had the oxygen mask, my husband was there, and they have the sheet up so you don't see what's going on, that your intestines are out, you're cut open and everything. I was sobbing because I was so relieved. Daddy was born and he was fine. But the weird. The weirdest sensation is having your legs frozen because they give you. They give you a spinal. So they have you, like, lean over the table like a cat, right? They hunch you over, and then they put a needle into your spine and freeze. Freeze you out. And it was. I mean, it's nothing. It's not a big deal.

[Adam Carolla]

They freeze you because they don't want you flailing.

[Teresa Strasser]

They don't want you feeling. Because they got to cut you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I can. I. I know that. I know that. The. The. But you can numb someone without sort of freezing someone, you know, paralyzing them. That's why I'm asking about the paralyzing part, because I do know. There's certain operations where I had a hand operation. They literally strap you down to a sandwich board because they don't want you moving in the middle of their shit. Yeah. Yeah. That probably part of it might not even voluntarily, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

You might just have a reflex. So they freeze you, you know, kind of.

[Brian Bishop]

It got.

[Teresa Strasser]

It felt like it was in a little bit into my lungs because I had some trouble breathing. But they freeze the bottom half of your body. And it. For some reason, I just. I just found it really terribly disturbed. Like, just so weird to not know. And I kept asking, like, where are my legs? What position are they in? Like, I would feel better if I could envision my legs and I could know where they were. That, to me, was the worst part. Like a shot. The shot in my spine didn't hurt. And, you know, I wasn't really scared. I was only scared. I was only really, really worried about the baby. But that feeling that I didn't know where my legs were was weird.

[Adam Carolla]

The part where, you know, you hear about, I don't know, Ricky Lake or whoever talking about having the kids in the tub with the candle lit and the drama and all that. Yeah, it's all making sense. But yet you wouldn't want to do it that way right now.

[Teresa Strasser]

I would if I had no idea. This C section just felt so unnatural and so fucked up. And the recovery is so fucked up. Like, you have a tiny baby. You have a newborn. You have to take care of it. You have to feed it, take care of it. You're its mother, but you can't move. Like, I was. I had a catheter. I couldn't get out of bed for 24 hours. I was on narcotics. I, for the first time, really got why people are for natural childbirth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but until something goes wrong, then.

[Teresa Strasser]

You want a doctor, a scalpel, you want your legs numb, you got some.

[Adam Carolla]

Fat dyke who smells like patchouli look going, I don't know what the fuck? I went to junior college.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right, Right. You're in the fucking bathtub.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not getting any cell reception in your tub, by the way. So I don't know what we're gonna do.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. No, that's true. I mean, I think I was a little part of me when they told me I was gonna have to have a C section because it was breech, I was kind of like, oh, good. Because the vaginal delivery seems so scary and unpredictable. And I'm sure parts of that are highly, highly unpleasant. But, but, but, but. I mean, I still. A month later, like, rolling over is hard. You know, they cut. They cut your abs right in half.

[Adam Carolla]

So you were in the hospital for how many days?

[Teresa Strasser]

Four.

[Adam Carolla]

Four days.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, but I will say so they cut him out. That took nine minutes from the first cut to removing him. And then they, you know, they show them to you for a second, but they still have to stitch you, and that takes about a half an hour. So my husband went with the baby, and they wash him, they check him out and stuff, and then they stitch me and they wheel me into recovery. So now I've been out of recovery for 30 seconds. I've just had a baby removed. And they bring you the baby to feed him right away.

[Adam Carolla]

What color was the beanie on the baby?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, no beanie.

[Adam Carolla]

No beanie. No beanie.

[Bald Bryan]

They have no beauty horses.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, we're really cutting back. Yeah, no beanie on the baby.

[Teresa Strasser]

No beanie.

[Adam Carolla]

What about when the beanie was in the nursery or the infirmary?

[Teresa Strasser]

No nursery now. You are the nursery. That's what's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

But. But for the first, I don't know what, it was, five hours or something, where they're stitching you up and wheeling you over and getting you into your room and stuff like that. Isn't the baby in the. In the clear tub with the other babies?

[Teresa Strasser]

Some hospitals have that, but now the new trend is called rooming in. So there is no nursery. The baby is with you every second. You are in charge of the baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Bald Bryan]

How hospital is this?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, by the way, how are you supposed to announce that your baby is so much better looking than all the other babies if they're not in amongst the other babies.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, because you just. You walk around the ward and then you can silently judge other people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's fun seeing an ugly baby. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

But for me, it was just fun seeing other women that were also like, barely walking and hunched over.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. No, no. No nursery for even a few hours.

[Teresa Strasser]

Not at the hospital I went to in Glendale. They give you, like, literally, they stitch me up, they wheel me out, and within five minutes, I was nursing the baby. And I was, as you guys all well know, I was terrified that I would not love the baby right away, that I wouldn't attach to it because I'm not a baby person. I never really got babies. I never thought they were cute.

[Brian Bishop]

Cute.

[Teresa Strasser]

I love animals. But like, the first second I had him, they do, like, they call it skin to skin. So they. He doesn't. He's not wearing anything in your, you know, you're naked, obviously, because you're gonna breastfeed and you put him on your chest and like, he knew how to nurse right away, you know, And I nursed him and I immediately, like, got it. Like, I love this thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you're like me. You're a people person, not a person person. You like groups, not individuals. To me, you know, three is my, my. You know, I need at least three or four people in the group. And I don't like one on one.

[Teresa Strasser]

One on one could be terrifying. And if it's going well, I want to end the interaction before.

[Adam Carolla]

Before you say something stupid.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes. Like, let me quit while I'm ahead, while this other person still seems to like me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Feel that way about phone calls.

[Bald Bryan]

You want a hard out in life?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So, yeah, you're. You're. You're like the baseball player who triples first time up and then wants to. Wants to pull a hammy. And so you don't. Because you feel like you're going to end up going one for four.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you get another few practices.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think about that every time I watch sports. Like, I see a guy, you know, strike out the best hitter and I think, don't you wish you could get pulled from the game right now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's an interesting way. It's a weird sort of pessimistic, cut your losses kind of gun on top. Yeah. Although that's not the way it feels. It's. Go out now before you fuck somebody or before somebody. Somebody realizes you're fraud as a parent or a comedian, whatever it is.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. I feel like less of me is more so.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. Did Everyone bring you food. And were you annoyed by the amount of people that came to visit you? Because that's what I found. I was annoyed almost immediately by a lot of the well wishers who wouldn't leave.

[Teresa Strasser]

They visited you in the hospital or at home?

[Adam Carolla]

In the hospital.

[Teresa Strasser]

I didn't have.

[Adam Carolla]

The home was quite a homecoming because Ozzie was there. No, Ozzy wasn't there. But what happened at home was I had been waiting for this day where we had children for quite some time because I had been up until this point doing a lot of the pot watering and a lot of the cooking and a lot of the cleaning and a lot of what I would call the bullshit work of the house, as well as building the house and making all the money to pay for the house. And it always pissed me off. I couldn't stand wearing the apron and wearing the pinstripes at the same time. Oh, I like that one. So I was always. I was. I was just resentful that I would have to go fucking water the pots when I got home after doing waking up at 5 and doing the radio thing.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's gonna have to be.

[Adam Carolla]

So once you had the kids. Once we had the kids, I would just say, like, you know, she'd be like, you know, sonny needs his diaper change. I'd be like, go to it. And everyone thought I was a dick, but I was like, it's payback time now. I've been fucking doing everything for the last five years. Now go change a diaper. I'm not doing it.

[Teresa Strasser]

And in your case, two sets of diapers.

[Adam Carolla]

Two sets of diapers, two sets of mouths to feed. What ended up happening with us is we got home, you know, again, they don't send you with a lot of instructions or anything. You just sort of go home with your kids.

[Teresa Strasser]

Terrifying the. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And we had two of them, and we put them both in their sort of bassinets, and they were sort of sitting in the den and we looked into, like, Natalia's bassinet and there was a huge spider in it. Just a massive spider. And not one of the thin spiders, but a thick, hairy spider.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's your pinstripey job to get right the bassinet.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't know, we took him out. I captured the spider or something. Lynette had a sort of a minor meltdown. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm overwhelmed. And me, because I'm the world's just worst person, I just said, hey, get it together. Because all those Fucking times you hassled me about the pots or about the cooking or about the nothing in the fridge or about whatever. And I just begged you to learn how to sew, and you wouldn't listen. And you're off seeing Bruce Springsteen. Tough shit. Get it together. Be a mom. And she, like. She had a. Like, it was interrupted by Jimmy and Sarah Silverman coming over for surprise visit, so.

[Teresa Strasser]

And you have to pretend you're not having.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynette was a heap of tears. I was yelling. The kids were, like, screaming, and I was just doing the tough shit. The. It's now, now. Time to pay the fiddler.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Get your shit together and take care of these kids, Mom. And. And also, by the way, when people get hysterical, I don't think they want another person being hysterical. They would like a hug. That would. That is true.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's gonna be okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, tough shit. Take care of your kids.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sometimes that's effective.

[Adam Carolla]

Payback's a bitch.

[Teresa Strasser]

But this is one reason why I love. One of the many reasons I love Lynette is that she was honest. That. That first month is hard. It's very. You're so. I mean, when we were driving home from the hospital, we have this tiny, tiny creature, and we're in charge of it, and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I've never had a child before, and at that time, I can. You know, she had a. Your wife had a C section, too, so you're still kind of recovering, and it's terrifying because the stakes are so high.

[Bald Bryan]

And a few days ago, it was in you.

[Teresa Strasser]

It was in you, and it was out of you.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Teresa Strasser]

And. And you're. You're. You're madly in love with this creature, which makes it terrifying that you would screw up.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah, I. It is. And. And it. It. It only gets better, and then. And then I'm sure it gets worse at some point.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. But I will say again, because I love your wife. And by the way, follow her on Twitter at Lynette C. Tweets. Oh, yeah. A lot of people say to you, you know, just appreciate this time. Just really, because it's gonna fly by and just, you know, you'll never be able to go back and just love this time. Are you fucking crazy? Like, having a. Like, I'm not gonna want to go back to when the child was one month old and has to be fed every two hours.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing there. There's nothing there at this point.

[Teresa Strasser]

I mean, I love him, and I Would throw myself in front of a car for him.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, it's. It's sort of like a remod on a house, which is. It's really fun when it starts to take shape and you guys are picking out flooring and, you know, in wall units and going out looking at appliances and stuff like that. This is the part where you're pulling permits and just demoing out stucco with a hammer. It's like. There's nothing fun about it. It's dirty. There's nothing to look at. It's just. There's nothing. This part of the process is not a fun part of the process.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, you have to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to do it to get to the next part. At a certain point, when your daughter comes in and she's picked flowers for you and says, I love you, Daddy, and stuff like that, and then you ask her, what does she want? Then she says she wants a door of the Explorer lunch pail. And then you say, I knew it. Those are the parts that you cherish. But at this point, again, back the remod metaphor. You're just sitting down at the city, talking to some asshole bureaucrat and pulling permits and demo. There's a Dumpster parked in front of your vagina right now.

[Teresa Strasser]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I felt better when I sort of figured out, no, a lot of moms are really overwhelmed and tired and frustrated, and they don't. You don't know how to put your baby to sleep yet. You don't really know. You just don't know what you're doing. And I felt better knowing that I'm supposed to feel frazzled and confused as opposed to. This should be 100% blissful. It has its moments. Like, I was sitting the baby on my lap, listening to, you know, making him a little iTunes playlist and listening to. What's that Frankie Valli song? Can't Take My Eyes off of youf. So I'm balancing the baby, and I'm listening to the song, and I'm just crying on the baby because I'm. I'm so sure, content, you know, and happy. Then an hour later, I could be crying on the baby because I can't put him to sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

And tears of joy and the tears of pain. But let me just say this. I was talking to somebody about this Kevin Hench, a guy I do a lot of writing with. I was talking to him about. Well, what happened was we went to Blog World and went and showed up in Vegas, and there's all the. The mommies now you're taking a different angle on mom blogging. Mom blogging. But all these mommies that decide to get together and talk about, you know, the do's and don'ts of, you know, packed lunch, friend or foe, or the flu shot, when to know and all this kind of bullshit. And it's always, it's all the Same chicks, it's 40 year old white chicks and they act like the first people on the planet to ever give birth. Like they're like, it's so narcissistic when they do that. Oh, here's what you should do. Meanwhile, the chick that's taking care of their kids from Guatemala already has four kids in high school. Or three of them. Actually three dropped out. But the point is. Yeah, but she crapped out a bunch of kids when she was 19, 20, 21 and 22, raised them. They're fine. All of a sudden the whole world, the planet obviously has crapped out kids before you. You got crapped out or you wouldn't be here. Yet somehow you're 41, you have a kid, you have to write a children's book about it. You have to do a blog, you have to explain to other mommies how to be a mommy.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I thought, and you have to judge people who don't breastfeed or who do.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, it's the ultimate narcissism because as if you're the only person when in fact you were late to the game, you were 20 years behind the curve. And I, what I was laughing with Kevin Hench about was, is it's as if I discovered beating off at age 40 and had to tell all my friends, like, oh, you grab your cock and you just pull it and it feels so good. Brian, are you listening?

[Bald Bryan]

You just pull it once.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you keep pulling it. Meanwhile, it's something you all mastered by the ninth grade. I'm telling you like it's the first time you've ever heard it. When I'm 40.

[Teresa Strasser]

And then you start your blog.

[Adam Carolla]

I start my blog.

[Teresa Strasser]

Jack blog.

[Adam Carolla]

Jack.com.

[Bald Bryan]

You'Re not gonna believe this.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not gonna believe. Fellas. Attention fellas. There's a way to have an orgasm without hiring a prostitute.

[Bald Bryan]

Good thing you already had a computer.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, there's gotta be a lot of lists. Like top 10 reasons to use Jergens.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Do's and don'ts. Jergens. A plus. Prowl with a big, big ax. You know, shampoo with a big X across it. Yeah. Things I've learned. Themes to Masturbate to. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I'm 40. Everyone's been doing this since 14 believes a mile.

[Bald Bryan]

The Internet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Now on your jack blog, you also have to post inappropriate photos that are only interesting to you as though they're interesting to other people.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's a picture of me and my penis. This is where it's flaccid. Here's where it's tumescent.

[Teresa Strasser]

Here's the sock that the results are in.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. The hamper in the background is. Yeah, Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Take video.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes, yes. We know. We all got a head start on you on this and you're just telling us a bunch of shit we already know or learned or don't care about. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes. On the other hand, to defend exploitingmybaby.com.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. That's different. Well, you're funny. These people aren't funny. They're. They're preachy.

[Bald Bryan]

You have wit.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, I try to be honest about the things that are difficult as well as the things that are amazing. But when I first got pregnant, I read some of these and I was terrified because it makes you feel like your mind is going to be wearing mom jeans. They. There's little. Like, I had to figure out their code. When they talk about their babies, they call them lo little one. And when they talk about their husband, they call him DH Darling husband. And I was disgusted. Like, this can't be. Like, do I have to be like this if I want to be a mom? Or can I still be.

[Bald Bryan]

I still want to buy your moment for.

[Teresa Strasser]

Thank you.

[Bald Bryan]

That's good stuff.

[Teresa Strasser]

It sucked in.

[Brian Bishop]

It's good, though.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good. Here's the thing about. And then it's all this dietary what to feed the kid and all the paranoia and it's all the. The problems that the rich whitey has. Meanwhile, people have been doing how to.

[Teresa Strasser]

Hire a sleep scheduler.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Right, right. Feng shui ing the kids nursery.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. You've got to get the right co sleeper.

[Adam Carolla]

The bottom line is this. Don't be an alcoholic.

[Teresa Strasser]

Done.

[Bald Bryan]

Try.

[Adam Carolla]

Try not to be an alcoholic. And don't beat the shit out of your kids and see if you can find a guy who'll hang out through high school.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I mean, it's less traumatic when you guys bust it off once. Once the kid's in high school and that. That's about it. That's the end of the game. You know, Find a. See if you can marry a guy who's not an alcoholic as well. Right. Doesn't have a gambling problem and will be a halfway decent provider and then try not to beat the kid and try not to have huge blowouts in front of the kid, you know, and that's about it.

[Bald Bryan]

But if you have to have addiction, gambling, not a bad one.

[Teresa Strasser]

Gambling.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, in terms of the hierarchy of addictions.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Drugs, alcohol.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Because see, here's. Here's the thing. Gambling seems more benign, but in a way more destructive. I think there's a lot of people that are alcoholics, that are functional alcoholics where they do that thing where they. The guy was able to work and blah, blah, blah. It takes its toll. But there's a sort of functional alcoholic gambling. You can fuck up a family in a matter. Alcoholism takes 10 years to fuck up a family. Gambling can do it in one football season. Like you can really fuck things up. Gambling. Also, the gambling thing doesn't usually exist in a bubble. There's usually alcoholic and gambler Annie like the ladies and some sex addiction.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all. It's all chronicled in the song Papa Was a Rolling Stone.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, don't listen.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're right, because with alcoholism, daddy could have been hiding the vodka in the toilet tank for years and no one really knew he was drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now I gotta move my vodka. Thanks a lot.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sorry. Is that where you keep it?

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, I got a better idea. Let's just actually fill the toilet tank with vodka.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, wait a second.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll just put a crazy straw on the end.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh. You know what was weird about flushing again? Speaking of mood altering substances, after I had the C section, they give you narcotics because, you know, you've been cut open and stuff. And I actually. This was so weird. I actually opted to go off the narcotics.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

I spent my whole life trying to get to narcotics, which I use in a very responsible way. As you know, I have a little tiny, tiny half a Vicodin once every couple weeks with a glass of wine. And I enjoy it, sure. But I was. I could feel that. First of all, when you're in pain, the narcotic doesn't make you high. It just treats the pain. What the point. What's the point of that? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How about disappointment?

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't. Pain isn't that bad. But not feeling high is bad? No, but I could feel I was out of it. And I was trying to take care of the baby, so I asked him to take me off. That was unlike me, but take. Take me off that purpose at.

[Adam Carolla]

But get a doggy vicodin bag. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know how difficult that conversation is when you're like, okay, I don't want the pills now because they're just treating actual pain, but can I take them home for later when I just.

[Bald Bryan]

Sure. We'll have lots of pain.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, for when the baby's crying.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, because I couldn't. First off, I couldn't. I just couldn't stand them tossing or holding back or getting rid of something that I may have paid for, but especially. But also something I might enjoy on a Friday.

[Teresa Strasser]

Put them in a junkie bag. A doggy bag.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of the doggy bag, I know this topic has come up before, but speaking of the doggy bag, I went out to Morton's, one of my favorite steakhouses on Friday night. Couple things did not finish. But I can't stand throwing away chow. I just can't stand it. And I always say with the doggy bag thing, everything on the plate. Like, they do that thing where they go, sir, would you like me to take the rest of that steak? And I'll go, no, just everything on the plate. I don't want to seem weird and desperate, but I always want everything. Because, like, for instance, you'll do the half potato and you'll scoop out a lot of the white part. But I love the little burnt skin part that still has some of the potato and some of the butter in it for the. Like to throw it in the microwave or whatever. And I'll always give the. And there'll be three asparagi left in the thing or whatever it is. And they always. They'll focus. They'll work on the top shelf like, you want the steak? And then they'll start breaking it down. It's a weird shame thing, you know, they go, well, how about the asparagus? And you go, just dump it all. You're trying to avoid as much pain as possible. Do you want the. And then they'll ask something stupid like, oh, you want the salad fork, the butter baguettes? So you just do the. Just dump. Just dump it.

[Brian Bishop]

Just.

[Adam Carolla]

Just dump it all.

[Teresa Strasser]

How about the heel of bread that's left?

[Adam Carolla]

Would you like that that's on the neighboring table? How about that? How about some of the tap water? Yeah, just dump it all.

[Teresa Strasser]

How about the seeds from the bird feeders?

[Adam Carolla]

Just dump it all in the same fucking thing. And sure enough, no matter what happens, whenever you get home, you'll do the where's the rest of my potato? And then they'll go, I guess they tossed it. Why? But why? What's the scrutineering. What is the vetting fucking process of just dump it all, Just dump it all. And as I've said, would there ever be a scenario where you said, just dump it all and then the following day you were going to make yourself warm over some dinner and you were like, honey, I'm leaving the house in my sweatpants with no shirt and I mpo because part of my potato was put in with my steak. This is an outlet. I know I said just dump it all, but I got some choice words for those guys over at Morton's. Just dump it all does not mean yes, take it. Take a letter. Just dump it all does not mean part of the potato. I'm going back to this part of the. Like, what could you possibly. What, Give me the downside other than what is worse to have you just throw away the piece of the potato?

[Teresa Strasser]

Worst thing that's going to happen is somebody's going to have a piece of.

[Adam Carolla]

Potato they don't want and just dump it all. What part of that could you possibly hold against that?

[Bald Bryan]

You're a server. How many times were you burned with the potatoes, putting it in?

[Brian Bishop]

Never.

[Teresa Strasser]

Of all the times I put people's leftovers together for them to take home. I never rob. I put everything in there. You want everything. You're getting the three french fries that are half dipped in ketchup and soggy. You're getting everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially when it's made clear because there's always the negotiation that goes on at the table. Like where you go, we're just gonna take the rest. Just wrap up the rest. Okay, do you want the asparagus, by the way? Do we really have to go over every fucking item on the table? How about you just wrap it all up? And I always give them this one too. Just throw it all in one thing. I don't need to leave with 15. Yeah, you don't have to take. Just dump it all in one thing. But nope, there's always something missing. Why is that? Why not just fucking do it?

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know, but I think these are new times. I think it maybe used to be embarrassing or uncool to want to get your money's worth, but now, because the recession, I think you can get away with saying, even if you're rich and people recognize you, I think you can still.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think the doggy bag is hurting our cause because my dog can't eat asparagus or potato.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, right, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we need something else than a doggy Bag does Morton to the bag.

[Bald Bryan]

Or the Styrofoam or the foil.

[Adam Carolla]

They do a plastic. They do a plastic carton.

[Bald Bryan]

High end.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's classy. But again, I want my piece of potato that got all the juice in it and the butter. Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I think you can, with pride, you can point out to your server, look, rap, I want everything on here. I'm gonna want all this because it's so delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Does not matter how fine a point you put on everything, there will always be a scrap of something that is missing.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, with whom were you dining at Morton's? What's going on with you?

[Adam Carolla]

I was with my wife. But we. Date night. But we ran into. This brings us into topic number two, Pat Smear.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, from Nirvana.

[Teresa Strasser]

Pap smear.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, he toured Nirvana.

[Adam Carolla]

He toured with Nirvana. He's. I don't know, Foo Fighters. Foo Fighters. Maybe a little Jane's Addiction or something. He's a great guitar player. And he's the guy who would play on like, I don't know, like if you saw Nirvana Unplugged, I guess he'd be the weird guy who's like, wasn't in Nirvana, off to the side playing the acoustic guitar. Like he's. He's.

[Bald Bryan]

He's a touring member.

[Teresa Strasser]

They pick up an extra guitar player. He's the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

He's the guy. Great guy. Fan of the show and so on and so forth. But. But you guys, riddle me this, okay? Paul Schaefer was in here last week.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I heard it was great.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's great guy. And I didn't. I broached this with him, but I didn't really dig in with him, which is. He said, I've been married for 19 years. I said, I notice you're not wearing a wedding ring. He said, well, I don't travel with it. He said, my wife trusts me. I said, my wife trusts me too, but if I took my wedding ring off before I went to the airport, she wouldn't trust me. But I don't wear wedding ring. I said, paul, you know, pardon me, but you wear the crazy outfits you've been known to wear. It sort of be flamboyant. You wrote It's Raining Men. You co wrote It's Raining Men. He has one song to his credit. It's Raining Men. You do musical theater. You dress in blouses. You wear crazy frames. You're not wearing a wedding ring. People are gonna, I thought you were gay. Is that okay with you? Well, people are gonna think what they think. Well, I know. It's not a crime to be gay. On the other hand, if you're not gay, why would you want people to think you're gay? And you write, it's raining men, you take your wedding ring off, and you wear Elton John's outfit every night on Letterman. People are going to do the math. So why would you want that? So hat Smear would wear dress up on stage.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. He was flamboyant.

[Adam Carolla]

He wore a woman's dress. And the thing that was funny about it is not like a negligee, but one that Aunt Bea would wear from, you know, Opie. Andy Griffith. Andy Griffith, yeah. Like a weird dress. Like a weird dress.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like a frumpy dress. Not a drag queen dress, but something frumpy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just weird. He'd wear a dress. He'd dye his hair, like, platinum blonde. His name was Pat Smear, but I didn't know if that was his real name or fake name or whatever, and I just assumed he was. Oh, and he's very effeminate. He's very sweet. He's lispy. He's very like, oh, thank you. I'm such a fan. And he's got a little Paul Schaeffer in him. And so. But here we are, we're talking to Pat, and he's there dining with his wife.

[Bald Bryan]

Nice picture. Sally Manley.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm saying, that's as manly as Pat ever gets wearing a black shirt. So I'm leaving. We're leaving the restaurant. I'm saying to my wife, I thought he was gay. And she's saying, I thought he was gay, too. And then I realized, no, I guess he's not gay. Sitting with his wife. And then it makes you wonder.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm so happy he ran into you.

[Adam Carolla]

Whether it's Paul Schaefer or whether it's Pat Smear, do they want you to.

[Teresa Strasser]

Think they're gay or just not care if you do?

[Adam Carolla]

This goes beyond not caring, because Ryan Seacrest, I believe not now, but about three or four years ago, Ryan Seacrest used to get a little mileage of people sort of talking, is he?

[Brian Bishop]

Is he?

[Adam Carolla]

I believe he liked it. And he would never, like, look, if somebody said to me when I was single, are you gay? I'd be. I wouldn't be like, well, I don't talk about my sexuality. That's for you to decide. Or wouldn't you? I'd be like, no, I don't suck cock. I'd tell you if I did. Right. But I don't. So any different than if they asked me if I was Jewish or I was in Al Qaeda.

[Teresa Strasser]

Not that those are similar.

[Adam Carolla]

If you ask. Violations are all the same. If you asked me whether I had my pilot's license, I wouldn't go check with the faa. I'd just go, no. Or I'd go, yes. So why the fuck do you do that? And if. And by the way, that's such a bullshit thing to do as a guy or a girl, because obviously you're just trying to drum up some bullshit intrigue or something.

[Teresa Strasser]

Unless you are gay and you just don't feel like coming out right then, like Adam Lambert during American Idol.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're gay and you have something to hide and you think that your career may be damaged or you may get beaten up or something like that, fine.

[Teresa Strasser]

You have to be quiet.

[Adam Carolla]

By all means, do not bring it up. Skirt the subject. Don't wear a skirt, but skirt the subject. But if you're gonna sort of advertise in a weird way that you might be gay and then people bring it up and you do the Welch. Whatever you think, why are you doing? Why are you fucking with us?

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know this guy, he wears a dress and he wrote YMCA or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Teresa Strasser]

Paul Schaefer wrote Training Men.

[Adam Carolla]

Training Men.

[Teresa Strasser]

I knew it was a gay anthem.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Now here's what I want to say. Pat is a great guy and a great musician and a really nice guy, and Paul Schaefer is a great guy and a great musician and a really nice guy. And I really like them both. I'm just asking the phenom of sort of pretending or at least not making it clear. And both these guys in an era just not so long ago, 10 years ago, where you could get beat up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Especially Paul at Paul's age.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And especially in the, you know, the 80s or whatever before that even.

[Bald Bryan]

Paul Schaefer was the band leader for snl. And they would dress like nurses.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Bryan]

The all Nurse band.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And would go out and do music with. I. I mean, he would. He would go out and do, like, musical. A God spell. I think it's like his first. Whatever. It's just all roads lead to Paul Schaeffer's ass. I'm just saying, wouldn't you butch it up a little bit? That's all. So what is it, T? I feel like you got your finger on the pulse of the gays, but these guys aren't gay.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. That's why.

[Adam Carolla]

But then maybe then you start thinking maybe they were gay. Like maybe they had a brush with anus. I mean, gayness, and. And now have decided to settle down and have kids or get married or what is. And then if you were gay, why would you try to. Don't you hide it?

[Bald Bryan]

And what's in it for going the other way?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

What's in it for you?

[Teresa Strasser]

What. What. Is it possible that, say, there's the Kinsey scale or whatever, and somebody like Paul Schaefer, you know, is somewhat less butch than, say, you, and instead of trying to hide it or change it or adjust it, he's just completely embracing it. This is the kind of music I like. These are the kind of clothes I like. I also like to have sex with women, and I want to have a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is the wedding ring coming off?

[Teresa Strasser]

That one's weird. I don't know, but there are a lot of guys who don't wear their rings, but I've never heard of one that just takes it off on the.

[Adam Carolla]

I do envy. I mean, I have spoken to those guys who can get away with not wearing a ring somehow. Maybe if I developed an allergy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah. Is it too late to intimacy? I think you already have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Ow.

[Teresa Strasser]

Ow. That was uncalled. Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

But. But, yeah, the guys there are the guys who don't have to wear. But Paul said he takes his off to travel.

[Bald Bryan]

That's a good policy. Hold this.

[Teresa Strasser]

When I reach a comfortable cruising altitude, I'm less married.

[Bald Bryan]

My hands, my fingers swollen. A plane.

[Adam Carolla]

I really. Ooh. I really. I really don't know. But all I'm saying is the dress up on stage mixed with the. I take my wedding ring off when I travel, that's a little more than saying, hey, man, this is who I am. And I like those frames.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right? Eddie Izzard. That guy wears a dress and he's straight. Right?

[Bald Bryan]

The British, supposedly.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he. I. Was he there? I didn't.

[Teresa Strasser]

Let me ask you about Paul Schaeffer because I assume that you interviewed him after the Letterman fiasco broke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I did.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did you broach the subject?

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Teresa Strasser]

And was he.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I did what you sort of have to do, which. And by the way, this is why publicists are retarded. Publicists will tell you they're really. They're so fucking arrogant and stupid. They're just. Actually, his was nice, except for the part where her phone went off two times while she was sitting right there in that leather chair. First rang, she ran out of the room. Oh, sorry. Ran outside, like, had her conversation. Came back in and sat down 14 minutes later, went off again. Didn't put it on vibrate at that point after it came down. Yeah. Anyway, publicists have a sense of entitlement when they really don't do anything. But anyway, but here's why. Publicists are also sort of narcissistic and stupid. They will say all the time, you can't talk about this now. That's not doing your job. Saying to somebody who's interviewing Paul Schaeffer, no, talking about the Letterman thing is not a way, is not an effective way of doing your job. Because they must know that the people that are interviewing the bandleader and his right hand man for, you know, 25 years, they must know that if you don't bring it up, it's palpable. If it doesn't come up, it's more distracting than if it's touched on.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. It'll be completely confusing to your audience if you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, why didn't this person bring it up? Why not now? What publicists should do, which they don't do because they're arrogant and stupid most of the time, is they should say, we really can't talk about this. Paul really can't talk about this. But I understand that you can't just do an hour interview and pretend like it didn't exist. What you can do, and what we should do is you can bring it up, you can say, paul, what about all this Letterman business going on? And then Paul can say, I really can't discuss that because of legal and because cbs and because also, you know, Dave has asked me not to. Whatever, fine. Now I've done my job. You have your answer. The audience isn't bumped, nothing was given away, and you've moved along. And you can move along with everyone satisfied, essentially. And you can move on with the interview, by the way, as a fucking publicist. That should be part of your job, a strategy, not just a no policy. You can't talk to Monica Lewinsky about blowjobs or whatever, she wants to talk about handbags, you should discuss it. So of course, the publicist never does that. The publicist goes, you buy it. And they tell you 15 times, you can't talk about this. You can't talk about this. Which makes you a fucking idiot, because of course it needs to come up. Otherwise everyone's gonna know, when was this pre taped? Before the whole thing. So I just brought it up and I said, you know, I know your publicist said not to talk about it, but I have to bring it up, otherwise I wouldn't be doing my Job. And he was perfectly cool about it. He said, you know what? There's a legal, ongoing legal thing going on. I was told by my legal team or by CBS's legal team that I couldn't talk about it. Not that it wouldn't just be polite not to talk about it, but that I was actually said, legally it cannot be discussed. And I said, I understand. It's an ongoing legal thing. Fine, check that box. Move on.

[Teresa Strasser]

Why did you talk about his book?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, why? Fucking publicist. What is it, T. Why Wouldn't, wouldn't. As a publicist, wouldn't that be part of your job to kind of.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Instead of just saying you can't talk about this to figure it out.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now the timing's kind of fucked up because Paul Shaffer, I assume, happens to be promoting his book, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

So he's on a media tour. And now it happens that this Letterman story breaks. Everybody, every journalist is going to have to address it in some way. So her job should be to come up with a strategy wherein you, you bring it up, you quickly dismiss it, and then onto his book.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because the part where they go, you can't bring this up, a fucking day laborer could do that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, we don't need a fucking publicist to say, you can't talk about strategy. Your job is to come up with, yes, something that works, something that serves both masters and satisfies both parties, doesn't fuck over Letterman, doesn't fuck up your client, and you get to get right to the book. As a matter of fact, if I was a publicist, I would tell. And by the way, I'd kill myself before I became publicist. So it would be mathematically impossible to become a publicist. But I would say to Paul Schaeffer, look, everyone, every. They're all going to bring this up immediately. So the first thing out of your mouth should be diffuse it. As a matter of fact, when you sit down, go, I know you want to talk Letterman.

[Teresa Strasser]

I would too.

[Adam Carolla]

I would too, but I can't because the suits and the attorneys told me I couldn't. Anyway, here's the name of my book. And by the way, I'm not gay.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, did you. I'm not gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Pasmir maybe gay. And is his name Pat Smear? Pat Smear, yeah. And can we not find a picture of Pat Smear in a dress? Because I feel like he was wearing a dress when I saw him Friday night.

[Bald Bryan]

Rolls wasn't lucid picture.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was wearing a dress when you saw him out at Morton's.

[Adam Carolla]

So far, the only pictures we can find of him, he's smoking, wearing a black shirt, beating up a gay guy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Except for that one where he was in chaps riding a horse.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we will. I feel like he did the whole unplug series in a dress or he did half his concert, half his stage time was in a dress.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm going back and looking.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, anyway, boy, where's the time gone? T?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't you give a plug out.

[Teresa Strasser]

For your website, explodingmybaby.com Very funny.

[Adam Carolla]

And you people, as we started the show again, this isn't so much hype. We have sold well over 600 tickets in under a week. Heck, it's time to get on this. These tickets aren't going to make it to the 20th. We will sell this show out. We will add guests that are bigger and even better than the ones we had.

[Bald Bryan]

Hopefully, big announcements coming soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what's that?

[Bald Bryan]

Hopefully big announcements coming soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Big announcement coming soon. And I will see you there on the 20th. So do not wait. Worthy cause. Go to AdamCarolla.com just hit ball Bryan's link off of that. It'll pop up. My big greenhead the venue and you buy yourself a ticket. We'll see you on the 20th. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Teresa Strasser and bald Brian saying mahalo.

[Podcast Narrator]

All right, this is Adam Kolla Show 187. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla show episode 200 featuring Dr. Drew. This one's also from 2009. Adam celebrating the big 200th episode recording as on his old partner. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Doctor Drew in the hissy. In the hissy. Great to see you, my brother.

[Teresa Strasser]

Dude.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a new addition to this room that caught my eye immediately. Up in that right hand corner, a animated dynasty. An animated classic is represented up there in the corner.

[Adam Carolla]

Some fan, grape fan sent me a grape ape.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. Yeah, that's. First of all, where the hell did they get that?

[Adam Carolla]

Hell 2.

[Brian Bishop]

How did they know what you're even talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

Unfunny cartoon hell.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

As I've said, I know you guys are tired of me harping about whether it's the Wiggles. Like I was watching the band the Wiggles, you know, on whatever, yacht tunes or whatever. And I said to my wife, I said, how many of these 40 year old guys thought they're gonna be the next fucking Pearl Jam when they were 19? Here's my deal with all you people that cop out and do things for kids. If you were in college and said, how about we start a band for kids. I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine. But I know that's not what you said. You said, we are going to be the next Foo Fighters, and you sucked. Yeah, you couldn't do it, so you took the fucking shit wrote. And by the way, every person's written. Written a kid's book, done a kid's cartoon. Tell me there's not a bunch of scripts of the. You know, you thought you're going to write the next Godfather, Goodfellas, it didn't work out, so now you're doing Dora the Explorer and you suck. Just admit I don't want you compensated for the. That you create.

[Brian Bishop]

Clear. Not all kids. Cart, you're not. You're not representing all kids. Cartoon. Some kids cartoons are funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That's. That's where the. That's where the, the anger turns to seething anger, which is you watch something by Pixar, you watch Toy Story, you watch the Little Mermaid or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

But even there's good stuff on. Even on Comedy, Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network, there's some good cartoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Let me ask you something. Oh, no. Here comes the defender of the tards. Yeah. Donnie Mizrahi, leader, the tip of the tarred spears, come to defend his bread. I'm talking 1950, 1960s, early 70s. What were good cartoons?

[Brian Bishop]

Nothing. That's the point.

[Adam Carolla]

No, wait.

[Brian Bishop]

Bugs Bunny was a good cartoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, it's evolution of cartoons. That's not evolution. Because they had the Bugs Bunny.

[Brian Bishop]

Bugs Bunny. And even, even the Tex Avery was, was kind of funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes, this stuff is horrible. It is bankrupt. Johnny Quest sucks. The Flintstones suck.

[Brian Bishop]

Flintstones.

[Adam Carolla]

But, but listen, using your logic like you. You'd be cool with Hitler and genocide, because who was really rounding up Jews back then? Why do you even have to take it to that level? No, it has nothing to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

He had no. No other role models to explain to him that building ovens to throw Jews in wasn't a good thing. Now we know it's different. We've evolved. You have no standard to hold.

[Brian Bishop]

Watch the Flintstones. Not high. Sometimes. Yeah, stop smoking pot for five minutes and watch the Flintstones. Then you come back and tell me it's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Hong Kong Phooey's horrible. Hanna Barbera's horrible. I'm not saying they were horrible. Great, but no, they all. Most of them suck. The lion's share of them sucked. There was no competition. The people are high and lazy.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the same thing applies to sitcoms in the 70s, too.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, just fuck it.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, just think.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish.

[Brian Bishop]

I wish Adam and I could have been in the room when the pitches came in for some of the things in that. I mean, you know, hey, who would have been the executives and Fred Silverman. Fred, I got a great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Great.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'll tell you what.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Sherwood Schwartz.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I'm sure. I'm sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're sure?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sure. Yeah, go ahead. Come on. I got this great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

First, let's do our secret Jew handshake that. That really commemorates us running the business. So we go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

I just got this. I'm not sure if this is Sherwood Schwartz.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me kindle my Sabbath candle.

[Brian Bishop]

I got a great idea. Yeah, you know, I know. I know our people have issues with this, but we got to put a little levity to it. We got to get past it. So let's say we make a comedy about a concentration camp. Nothing funny. A group of wacky soldiers from all over the world, and a crazy commandant. It'll be insane. It'll be hysterical.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds awesome. How's that. How's that one that you're working on about the. The model and the professor and the skipper and the. And the rich guy gets stranded on infinity?

[Brian Bishop]

Possibility for comedy. Let's put them on an island so nothing else can intrude.

[Adam Carolla]

Two words. That may be one word. Globetrotters. That's all I'm saying. I want them playing some robots.

[Brian Bishop]

They'll play.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll play basketball games, some robots. That's all I want. Okay, we're done. We're done. How many episodes? We're going to pick it up.

[Brian Bishop]

Episodes.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even see the pilot. I don't even see the pilot.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, pilot. What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Of course. You go back. You go back and you watch the Brady Bunch, and you go, this is horrible. Yeah, and it's horrible. I know. It's a kitschy piece of Americana that represents your childhood. Yeah, but so does asbestos. Really, if you think about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, so does all the shingled crap that still sits in Los Angeles.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all just crappy architecture. Yes, yes. The Brady Bunch.

[Brian Bishop]

I have one word to summarize it all. Gremlin.

[Adam Carolla]

The car, the Gremlin.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all, you know. Pacer.

[Adam Carolla]

Piece of. Piece of American. Yeah, just like Grape Ape. Just like Hong Kong food.

[Brian Bishop]

No, the 70s almost killed America. 70s was the worst period Of American.

[Adam Carolla]

History and the people.

[Brian Bishop]

The people started getting high.

[Adam Carolla]

Be punished. They should be punished, not turn into deities.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God, he's coming out. Watch out.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's pray to these assholes. I don't think we could have done any better. And once we got. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on a second. I don't think we could have done any better until we get to the computer, like, TV completely changes. TV shows, reality shows, cartoons, it all suddenly takes this evolutionary jump.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what we could have.

[Adam Carolla]

Done to make any cartoons or TV shows better at that point. We didn't know any better.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait a minute. There's. There's a show on. I watch two shows on tv. Or three. I watch Community. Because our buddy. Our buddy. And by the way, I watched it last night. It was very, very funny. It was a debate thing. It was hysterical. But I. I am obsessed with Mad Men.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Computer did not give us Mad Men. That's just brilliant writing and great casting and great acting. Same thing. Modern Family. Funniest goddamn thing I've ever seen myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, of course.

[Brian Bishop]

And that's nothing to do with computer.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, what, what. What's the difference between all in the Family, which still holds up today, and the Brady Bunch? They were the same era. Part of the problem was society standards that we could never do a madman. We could never air that on tv. Donnie, just shut up. Because there are cartoons that were much funnier before Grape Ape. So I don't know what your argument is. We had a nuclear winter and everything was swept clean from civilization. We had to start fresh again. Like what the Romans did with the recipe for cement. Is that what your argument is? Because there's better. In the 50s, the 40s and the 30s, 60s, or 70s, with that contract, there were better cartoons than Great Bait before. Great.

[Brian Bishop]

But wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you going to make that argument? There wasn't.

[Brian Bishop]

You make an interesting point, though.

[Adam Carolla]

So then be quiet. Your point is null and void.

[Brian Bishop]

The 60s were kind of like that, created sort of that. Like that nuclear winter in the 70s. I might. In my eye, I look at history. The 70s were a sort of an aftermath of the 60s, and we were just decimated by that decade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And we did have kind of a cultural nuclear winter in response to it. I think that, that that analogy holds.

[Adam Carolla]

Art sucked. Design sucked.

[Brian Bishop]

Architecture, everything sucked. We were adolescent then. We were living through that suckedness.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Absorbing it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Living through it. Bathing in it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And that's why we react to it so vicious, so vividly. So viscerally.

[Adam Carolla]

All I'm saying is the.

[Brian Bishop]

See, Donnie had a good sense to start getting high then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why he missed all that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

He didn't have to deal with the.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to deal with the pain. We were open wounds where he had just crawled inside of a bong and taken shelter.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I'm jealous.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm jealous. Once in a while a grape ape would leak through the carb, but still never enough to penetrate that thick skull. Point is, Hanna Barbera did a little bit of good work and mostly shit work. And they should not be that. Should be held up as heroes or icons, when in fact they're hacks. And there's a new generation of hacks. And those are the ones that are. Those are the ones that are doing Dora the Explorer and Caillou and all the other pieces of shit. That great television set.

[Brian Bishop]

However, when my kids. Your kids are getting to just about to be an age right now. By the way, we had Tony Hawk on last night. I love Line. And producer Anne's kids showed up. No, they're pre adolescent. They're big kids now with their skateboards from the twins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They go insane. Yeah. Yeah. Dora the Explorer. What a. What a creative fountain that show is. They have a monkey who's her sidekick again. Bankrupt and fucked out creatively. And then a fox is doing all the stealing. No swiping swiper like. It's just. It's just insultingly bad. I don't want to poison my kids with that shit.

[Brian Bishop]

But I do remember though, when my kids were like your kids age a little bit older, being grateful for any G programming, whatever it was, just keep them kind of into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I'm going to say. And by the way, at Jimmy Kimmel's last weekend, Backyardigans was oversold to me by a few frustrated dads in the group. They promised me that my salvation would come in the form of the Backyardigans. That turns out not as good as we thought. All right, let me tell you a little something, Drew, because you're doing the sex rehab show.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

VH1, 10 o', clock, Sunday nights. Compelling television. Insane.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it gets really intense next few weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

The I, you know, you've heard and I'd like you to help with this problem. What's happened to me? A lot of people are the victims of and experience road rage.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

On the way to doing Kevin and Bean this morning, I experienced road rape. Oh, I feel like I'm being raped on the road.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, let me. Let me Let me. I'm going to channel you right now. Let me guess. You were in the fast lane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And there was somebody in a late model Japanese car not going fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the first bad sign is when you can't see their head over the headrest. I want to see some heads over that. It's ironic because all the top 10 Formula 1 drivers are 5, 8, and under, but no one under 5, 8 can drive once they hit the streets. What the fuck is that? It's like saying tall guys are good, but once they get to the NBA they're no good anymore. They can't play basketball. Like, no, they're good. They're good on the schoolyard and they're good in the NBA. Like why is it, why is it short people are great F1 drivers. All these guys are like Jackie Stewart. They're actually. There's no big gangly F1 driver. There's no. A guy over £150. You can't do it. It's too much of a weight disadvantage at that level. But these guys are great, great once they hit the road. So here, you want to. Here's the definition of road rape.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And let me. I'll digress and tell you one that you're going to agree with and then another one. But what happened this morning, first off, what happened two days ago was you can go off a Mulholland drive out here, you can go down Outpost and sort of go back way. And here's the whole thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Unless there's a cop sitting there, if.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't come here. Drew's gotten a couple tickets there. There's the Hollywood bowl and there's Highland and Hollywood and Highland. And it's just a total cluster buck all the way up Highland. So you take a back road and you go down. Now I was going to Kimmel's last Sunday and I was going down Outpost. So it's a fairly steep street and it's go. You go down it. And of course, I'm sure it didn't start this way, but now we've evolved. There's a stop sign every single intersection. It's not really intersections, they're just three way stop signs.

[Brian Bishop]

I've seen it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's your road and then there's the road. That's a cul de sac where there's more house. It's a glorified driveway. It's a driveway with like. It's one of those driveways with four mailboxes.

[Brian Bishop]

And people guarantee you letter writers live there.

[Adam Carolla]

Letter writers, right. So they, so they, they. There's, there's a sign there and it's a three way stop sign. But now on a Sunday morning when there's zero traffic raped on the street before and nobody. No, no, this is not raped by Johnny Law.

[Brian Bishop]

This is raped by whatever you were, the maniac. Out of control, driving down the street. Out of control.

[Adam Carolla]

This is being raped by the victim of Johnny Law that is scared shitless to drive sensibly because he. Because here we enforce the letter of the law, not the spirit of the law. And so everyone is shell shocked. Yes. Everyone in Los Angeles drives scared shitless.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, this is why nobody turns right on reds when it's clear and legal to turn right. We're scared of cops in this town and we stopped driving. And by the way, we're scared to honk at that guy as well for turning. So here's the person I'm very interested in climbing inside this person's psyche. And this is the, this is the light dusting of rape I received on a Sunday. And then I got the full blown dry prison rape on the way to Kevin and Bean today. I'm behind this asshole who's doing that thing where now I will look for the fuzz and coast through every one of those stop signs because I can't stand scrubbing inertia off for no fucking reason. You know, we never stop talking about, oh, fuel and our air in Southern California. And the brake pads that we're going through and the brake dust.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That we're creating that the guy with the leaf blower is putting into the air. Which is perfectly legal. Yes, all that. But what we never really talk about is, you know, if we didn't really follow the letter of the law, but more the spirit of the law, this town would move a lot faster and save millions of gallons, millions of gallons of gas.

[Brian Bishop]

Millions.

[Adam Carolla]

Millions.

[Brian Bishop]

So because by the way, the letter of the law in Los Angeles is no rolling stops.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I've been getting ticketed for a rolling.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone, everyone has, right? So it's a three way stop sign. You're going down the street, there's a, essentially a driveway coming your way. No other form of traffic coming from any direction. It can't be done. And as you're approaching the intersection, your head looks to the right, you see nobody.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not a maniac, you're not trying to hurt anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, is even if someone was coming, they would have to stop at their stop sign. It's a fucking three way stop sign. But of course I'm behind the guy who's gonna stop and not only. See, now I'm trying to do that thing where I'm trying not to stop twice, once behind him, and then roll up and stop again and whatever, but here's the asshole I'm behind and I don't understand this guy. And if you are listening to this podcast, please just throw down the MP3 player and kill yourself right now. Not only does this guy come to the full stop, but there's the weird two Mississippi. You know, like, I've come to the full stop. One Mississippi. There's nobody. There's nobody coming toward you. There's nobody to the right. There's no possible way anybody you're going to get rear ended is really the.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, that's the guy that when you don't stop and roll through because you'll put the brakes on the middle intersection.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like, what are you doing?

[Brian Bishop]

You're out of control.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I know. Like, what is that? All right, you've come to a complete stop because you're pee whipped by the lapd. Oh, p. But what's the part where you then hold it for a five count after that on a Sunday morning when there's nothing going on?

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, by now I know exactly what's happened to you. You're now following this guy three inches behind his bumper down the hill. So he knows you're in a hurry. He knows you're trying to get through. There's no doubt what's going on.

[Adam Carolla]

I did not have my child in the car. I would have passed on the left, as I'm apt routinely do. Yes. So I don't know what's up with that pussy, but that was just a light dusting of rape. As I said before, today's this morning's real, real rape. More of a fisting actually came on the way to Kevin and Bean. So I left early because I didn't know what kind of traffic we were going to experience. And again, that's how LA is.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, there's no traffic this morning.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no traffic this morning. And lots of traffic normally and usually caused by people who can't drive. We always talk about congestion and cars on the road and widths of freeways. We need to add another lane. We don't need to add shit. Except for the ability to drive and for Johnny Law to fucking back off a little. Let people drive. But again, it's never discussed. Never discussed. Click it. Or ticket. That's discussed. The turn Right on a red. Never been brought up by Villa Retardo. That says to me, not interested. By the way, I know what the city's interested in and what they're not interested in by how they act. Not what they say, not what they have, not when they hold a press conference, not when they talk about moving things down. But it's how they act. They're interested in revenue from parking tickets, by how many meter maids are out on the road and how fast and efficient. These guys. They're not interested in your shit at the Department of Building Safety by how they act.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Takes a month to get a permit, takes a second to get a parking ticket. Right. That's how you know where people are at. I don't give a fuck. It's like somebody's telling you they're in love with you, but they never call you back. Forget about what they're saying, look at what they're doing. That's how you know where their interests lie. Yes. So I'm driving Kevin Bean, and now I find myself early, which I never. It's a position. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm gonna get to Kevin and Bean 13 minutes early, and I'm listening to Dr. Drew on Kevin and Bean, ironically. And I didn't even know you're gonna be on. I knew you're gonna be on this show, but I know you're gonna be on.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know you were gonna be on that show when you were scheduled to be with me here on this show. So it worked out just nice.

[Adam Carolla]

So I am listening to Dr. Drew and I see a McDonald's, and I say, you know what? I. I don't like anything on the menu over there, but I love coffee. Me, the Egg McMuffin and the coffee.

[Brian Bishop]

I know the coffee. Nurturing that coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that goddamn egg McMuffin. And I say, you know what I'm gonna get?

[Brian Bishop]

Although, by the way, just a little quick aside, it's become hard to order an egg McMuffin. Yeah, it's like sausage McFabilities.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I get confused. You say Ed McMuffin. They go, well, would you want sausage.

[Adam Carolla]

Or bacon or the guy to beat off on it? Yeah, like, huh?

[Brian Bishop]

I want the one I ordered. 1965. The same one.

[Adam Carolla]

The one I know. So I. And by the way, they're like three bucks now. But anyway, it's the only thing on the menu. It's gone up. I think, like, they had a big meeting at, like, in the corp. Corporate, and you get A bagel. Which one does Corolla like? And they're like, he likes the eggman mother. We'll raise the price of that 300%. Everything else will be locked off. 1969 price still get a cheeseburger for 39 cents. My fucking egg McMuffin is like $3.50 now. But anyway, so I'm going to go through the drive through on my way to Kevin and B. I see the arches. I'm driving down Olympic. I'm heading west toward Fox, toward the ocean. And I'm going to cross over Fairfax where I'm going to make a left. But now I'm going to cross over Fairfax and I'm going to go to the arch and I'll make a left in across the Olympic into the drive thru of McDonald's. And right as I'm starting to slide over, some bitch in like a Pontiac Sunfire or Sunbird or Sun Chase if it's made by Pontiac, has the word sun in it. It's a pile of shit. Slides in front of me. Can't see her head over the headrest, assuming it's a woman, and slides in front and then does a sort of tentative. I'm going to turn left on this side street right before McDonald's. To which my reaction is relief. Like, okay, she's. I'm not gonna. I won't have to get. There's nothing worse than pulling into a drive thru or a car wash and having a car slide in right in front of you just to queue up in front of you. Yeah. So I was like, oh, please don't go through the drive through. And then I was like, oh, good, you're turning left into the side street. And then she went, no, I'm not. I'm gonna go straight. And now I'm gonna turn left into the drive through at McDonald's. So I'm like behind her and I'm like, all right, I got to do live radio in 13 minutes, but either way you go ahead of me. But she wouldn't turn left. She. There was no traffic coming the other way, but it was open. But she wasn't going anywhere. I'll tell you what she did and you tell me if you've experienced this. Was that in town. It is this phenomenon. Is this phenomenon which I've experienced many times driving in this town. You've done Jimmy Kimmel show many times.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When you leave Jimmy Kimmel's show on Hollywood and Highland, you pull out a little side street that runs along Hollywood High School, Holloway back Onto like Hollywood, back onto Highland.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's no signal there.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And once in a while you'll pull up and it'll be open and you'll be like, hallelujah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The, the oceans have parted for Moses and I'm. You just hang your left. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Otherwise I go right.

[Adam Carolla]

But there are a lot of, of people think about this. You've been behind these people a lot. You've driven with a lot of them. A lot of people will pull up to a gap, an opening or something and go, oh, now I'm going to wait for the next. Like, this isn't my opening. I didn't create this opening.

[Brian Bishop]

I've never seen that.

[Adam Carolla]

No. What I'm not talking about can't see a car in either direction for miles, Judge. But you and I know that certain intersections, if you pull up and there's.

[Brian Bishop]

An opening, there's a possibility you got.

[Adam Carolla]

To jump on it because it ain't coming.

[Brian Bishop]

Olympic is one of those streets.

[Adam Carolla]

True.

[Brian Bishop]

You got to go cycles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You got to go 45 in the morning when there's daylight, you turn. So they pull up. But it's almost as if they have to emotionally prepare for what they have to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. There's a warm up to the speed.

[Adam Carolla]

And you go, you're going, turn, turn, turn, turn. Okay. The signal change. Here comes the next, here comes the next onslaught of cars.

[Brian Bishop]

Definitely been.

[Adam Carolla]

So everybody does it. They're horrible drivers. They have to get to where they're going to turn or go or whatever. Stop process, prepare and then emotionally prepare. And by then the truck, the traffic has started again and the windows now close.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Somehow that I think whatever's coming down the road behind the space even has to be taken in or something. It's some sort of weird.

[Adam Carolla]

They're simpletons. They're very simple thinkers and they, they, they're. And they're sort of emotionally retarded and they can't. Like I said, I almost believe it has to be their opening.

[Brian Bishop]

They can't react. They just react.

[Adam Carolla]

But when you pull up to the opening and it's just open, it's like, oh, this isn't mine. I'm going to wait one cycle till my opening comes and we can do it on my terms when I feel safe. They were secure. You know what it is to do this?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. They're out looking, they're prepared.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So I'm like, turn, turn, turn.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So now I'm like, okay, now here comes a long cavalcade of Cars down. Olympics. And I'm thinking, okay, if one of you turns into this, makes a right now and goes into the drive through in front of us now, Now I got 11 minutes until I have to be. I'm gonna be pissed.

[Brian Bishop]

How many cars?

[Adam Carolla]

Three cars. I'm just watching the stick. Here comes Alexis. And it's so funny. I'm such a nut job. I'm like, Alexis, 4:30. Nah, he doesn't eat fast food. He doesn't eat fast. Oh, what single song he's gonna diverse. Kid. Kid. He's gotta pick his kid up. Private school. Skin's in the back, probably can't see his head. Vegan. That's vegan. This woman, she'll get her. She doesn't dye her hair. She's under the mother. She's not gonna win. Oh, she's turning in. What's she doing? Maybe she asked for directions. It's so fucking weird and emotional. And I've decided I'm totally fucked up because this person slid in front of me. Should have never been in front of me. And now I'm watching.

[Brian Bishop]

And you're making story for each driver he cars.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and I'm getting angry. Hey, fat ass. You don't think you've eaten enough? Jesus Christ, look at you. You're toting around extra 30 pounds. How about you just go to work? There'll be a Danish waiting for you. God damn, no. Oh, and by the way, this guy's. No, he's not flying solo. He's on a run for the office. I know. He's fucking ordered for the entire fucking crew. Good. Rather some kind of foreman on a big job. Oh, he's fucking ordering for the whole crew. And I've worked up these elaborate scenarios.

[Brian Bishop]

And you're adding the timing in your head.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be on during the Tammy Heidi in the afternoon. So I'm just sitting there and. And I'm like. So the person in front of me, I'm like, oh, you wretched, you. You caused. You brought all this anguish upon me. This is worse than being T boned by drunk driver. You slid in front of me, Then you did a fake turn on the side street, then you goofed on, Then you didn't turn when it was open. And now we're having everyone come. Every third person that's traveling down Olympic is now turning into this fucking McDonald's then. And here's where the. Here's where the pull out part comes. And the fisting comes in. Yeah, and the fist comes in. Finally the heavens have Fucking parted. And this person deems it safe to turn left. I don't know, maybe they probably put some cones up down Olympic or something and stop traffic. And this fucking person finally deems it safe to turn left. So we turn left. And I'm like, not only have to be behind your fucking ass, but the three people you let in in the interim. The person goes up the driveway, starts driving straight down, sort of through the parking lot. Then the drive through, you need to sort of veer left on just driving through. If you go straight, you just hit an alley. Go straight. Straight into the alley and turns right and drives away.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't even go through the drive through. Oh, my God. Oh, the humanity.

[Brian Bishop]

You. You. I'm surprised you didn't get out of line, just chase that person right there.

[Adam Carolla]

I now realize the person wanted to turn left on the side street, got confused, decided to turn in and then drive through to the alley by. They should have spiked strips up on those. They should be no outlet for people that are tempting. By the way, here's the intersection on the television, by the way, where I was turning left. So that was my road rape. So I'm gonna need some therapy. I think we have a caller. By the way, somebody has a question for Dr. Drew Caller whose name I don't know, but because his name's not on the screen.

[Brian Bishop]

There we are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

What's going on, buddy?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. Hey. Hey, guys. Hey, Adam. Andrew. I wanted to call in and ask Drew, you had a CPR rescue recently, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this Brianne? It's Brian. You wanted to know before what I was named after. My mom named me after Brock Jones of the Rolling Stones. Who? Of the Rolling Stones.

[Caller/Guest]

British pronunciation of Brian as Brian or something like that.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so Brian's mom was a groupie.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably got nailed by. Probably started with the roadies and worked our way up to the band members at a certain point. Awesome. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, so I could have just named you sue, made you tough, but Drew, did you save a life?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I've been trying to sort of not talk much about this because it was such a serious thing. And I don't want at any point, anyone to think that I'm somehow using this experience for anything, because it was awful. And it was a few days after my own father had passed away of a bleed in his head, which is exactly what this kid suffered on the football field. And to make a long story short, I saw commotion on the sideline. I saw it just broke into a spring.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that an aneurysm. If it takes place in your head.

[Brian Bishop]

It can be an aneurysm. That's another way to get it. Blunt trauma is the other way. And this is obviously blunt trauma, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad wasn't playing lacrosse.

[Brian Bishop]

He was on blood thinners. And it's what's called an intracranial bleed. It's little tiny vessels in the brain.

[Adam Carolla]

Because the blood gets thin and can pass through.

[Brian Bishop]

And you get atherosclerosis. And things that might have been a little bleed become massive bleeds when you. And so I saw a commotion. I saw several kids panicking. And I thought, I've never seen that before. And I could see somebody laying down. So I just broke into a you're.

[Adam Carolla]

At your kids game.

[Brian Bishop]

At my son's football game. And it was, you know, we were going to have a nice day out, trying to, you know, deal with grandpa's passing. And then this. I'm running across the field full sprint, thinking, oh, my God, not a bleed. Come on. It'd be a neck, something, anything. Just concussion. And get over there and find one of their friends. My son standing. My son gives me the you here. Like, get over here right now. And he was on crutches. He was already out of the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Which dug us out of every game on crutches. We were, like, grateful every time. Yeah, he's a maniac on the field, but he was out. Actually, I'd been on the sidelines tending to him, and he has a groin injury. And I was like, good, he's out of the game. Fantastic. So I wasn't worried about him, but he was like, hey, get over here. And found his buddy. Open eyes, disconjugate gaze, fixed pupils, not breathing.

[Adam Carolla]

Disagate is going each direction in several directions. Posturing like that bitch in front of me pulling into McDonald's today.

[Brian Bishop]

Posturing meaning that part of the. Your body kind of goes like this when there's a brain injury that's massive.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. People went, did you see the guy in the. The Cal team that hit his head after that? Crazy. And he did this afterwards. Did you notice that?

[Adam Carolla]

I have seen boxers get knocked out and have their both hands kind of come up like the mummy. Right, Right. Sort of like a Thriller video or something. But from their back. Yeah. Obviously it's not. They don't know what they're doing.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. The brain has various ways of signaling that it's not working in the periphery of the body. And this was a sign that something horrible is going on the right side of his head. And so I.

[Adam Carolla]

The other signal is not turning. When you have a wide open Olympic Boulevard, that's another signal that the brain sends that it's not functioning.

[Brian Bishop]

And so I just was. I started breathing for this kid because he had a pulse, but he was really not breathing properly at all. So I'm breathing for him.

[Adam Carolla]

So how do you breathe for him?

[Brian Bishop]

Mouth to mouth? Mouth to mouth for a while and can't wait to. When he wakes up, I tell him how we made out for about 20 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Pinch the nose, do the timing and everything.

[Brian Bishop]

I did have to do timing because he had a pulse and was there by myself for quite a while, you know, asking for. I was asking for a helicopter. This kind of pissed me off. You know, we were way up on a hillside football field, and I knew it would take forever. The paramedics to get there. I'm like, it's like a car accident, you know, get a helicopter. Get a helicopter. Because minutes really count with this kind of thing. And plus, I didn't know he could have. The bleed could have kept going, and he could have died right there in front of me, and nothing I could have done about it. About 10 minutes in an emergency room, Dr. From Harbor General came up and it was extremely helpful and sort of.

[Adam Carolla]

Where'd they get him from?

[Brian Bishop]

He just was one of the parents in the stands and came running over.

[Adam Carolla]

What took him 10 minutes to get there.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, nobody really realized what was going on. And I couldn't take my attention off the kid. And people were kind of running around like crazy, Obviously not notifying the right people or doing the right stuff and got him. And he and I together worked on him. He was very, very helpful, and he was. Was able to arrange a neurosurgeon at the Harbor General to be waiting for this kid when we got him over there. And this guy, Dr. Lewis, really deserves the kudos for this experience. I mean, the reason this kid got rapid care at the harbor, they were going to take him to a different hospital. It would have been horrible had he not been there.

[Adam Carolla]

So he took a bad hit to the head or just dangerous.

[Brian Bishop]

The wrong hit.

[Adam Carolla]

The wrong hit.

[Brian Bishop]

Interestingly, you know, I always tell my kids, you know, I don't want them getting a head injury. So I'm always at them, you know, use your shoulder, keep your head out, because keep your head up. And I do a lot of that with them. And Douglas, my. One of my sons, had actually taken this kid aside a couple of times and said, you know, you shouldn't Use your head like this. My dad always talks to me about getting head injuries and you're going to get hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Thanks for the curse, Pinsky. Nice job. Well, look, you know, the problem in football sort of fundamentally is you. You go, listen, don't lead with your head. You know, square up and don't use your head. And then you have what basically Earl Campbell did to Isaiah Thomas or Thompson or whatever his name is on the Isaiah Robinson linebacker, the Rams, there's some pretty famous footage of Earl Campbell. You watch that old footage. Earl Campbell guys would square up on him. He put the crown of his head right into his chest, right into the sternum. Bam. They'd fall over and he'd just go to the side and keep going. So there's this thing. Yes. Isaiah Robinson from the Rams tried to like, square up on Earl Campbell. And you'll just see him just boom, boom, boom, keep going. So it's fine in theory to say don't lead with your head, but if you got a fullback coming at you and he's leading with his head, if you don't lead with your head, he's kind of running over.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right. It's my thing to my kids in that it's like, stay low, get lower. Just get lower than that guy. I don't care where you go. I don't care if you're lying on the ground, just get lower than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Problem is tough to get lower than Earl Campbell.

[Brian Bishop]

I get you. And, and by the way, we're playing prep league football. You're going to go to. You know what I mean? We're not going to professional football players here. Let's, let's, let's leave the heads out.

[Adam Carolla]

Earl, Earl, put one of those 34 inch thighs into you if you got.

[Brian Bishop]

Rich is the other thing you got to watch. Yeah, those knees and thighs.

[Adam Carolla]

Thigh coming up, your head.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember those.

[Adam Carolla]

Not great either.

[Brian Bishop]

So anyway, so this kid, he's doing much, much better. He survived this, thank God. And he's a great kid. Everyone loves this guy. And we're just. I personally, because of just dealing with my dad's stuff just days before and then this. I really like looking up at the sky.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, really?

[Brian Bishop]

What? Really put me through this twice in five days. Oh, my God. Anyway, he's waking up now. And I personally will not feel right until this kid's up and around and going back to school stuff. Then this will be solved for me. This will feel better.

[Adam Carolla]

What if later on he rapes his girlfriend and kills her and Throws her in a dumpster. How are you going to feel then?

[Brian Bishop]

You got some weird people working for you. They're laughing their ass off in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Other room with the question. Chops her toes and fingers off, takes her teeth out like that guy did from Canada so she can't be identified. They find her in a dumpster.

[Brian Bishop]

I have mixed feelings.

[Adam Carolla]

Mixed feelings. I'm just saying, you better hope this kid, you know, stays on the straight and narrow.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a pretty good kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Gets drunk, cleans out a minivan.

[Brian Bishop]

I really want security to leave me out of here. I don't want to be around these guys the next year. They're laughing their ass off, saying, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, ethically, you know, what do you think? And speaking of that. Speaking of that, as a doctor, I know. I know you can do no harm. But, you know, like when the guy. When the Guy shoots up Fort Hood is bleeding out after he'd shot up 66 people, couldn't we just let that guy bleed out?

[Brian Bishop]

You know?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have to fucking dive on that corpse and bring him back to life? I had that experience.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you remember. You may remember this. In the early late 80s, there was an Asian gang that shot up a bunch of police, DEA officers in San Marino. Do you remember this?

[Adam Carolla]

Right outside of Pasadena. Yeah, I do.

[Brian Bishop]

Those guys all ended up in my ER when I was a resident. And I was down there when that all came through. And I. And I wasn't asked to see any of those guys, but I had tried. Kept thinking, I don't know what I'm gonna do if I'm asked to see this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Angel of Death.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't want to see these guys. I just, you know, because they'd really killed some. A bunch of just straight up guys doing their job. And they were animals when you see who these guys really are. Yeah, animals when they.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. That's why they never die. Yeah, right. Shoots a fucking guy four times, he doesn't even die. And now we're. And, and by the way, a couple things. First off, can we just kill this guy? Can we just, you know, give him, like, swift justice kind of thing?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I know you love the Timothy McVeigh School of Justice. That went far for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me say couple things. A, he was in Texas, so they got it right over there. They kill you pretty quick over there, number one. Number two, he was in the military, and they answered to their own justice over there. I mean, they can hang you for doing just about. No, not fucking up. Peeling a potato so let's just let the military court decide. And once we decide the guy's guilty and he gets the death penalty by lethal injection, let's do it that afternoon. Do we really need the fucking seven to nine years for him to pen a couple of books and then give up his religion and become a born again Christian and sire a couple of kids, be on Geraldo via satellite, you know what I'm saying? And then have a bunch of wackos turn him into a martyr and start following him outside of prison, and he can sit there all day and have gay love, do a little coke with the prison guards and field marriage requests. Or can we just fucking kill the guy? We just kill the guy. I mean, once he's guilty, it's like everything else. Like, okay, here's what we're going to do. We'll take a little bit of time determining what we should do with you. And then once we've decided, we'll do it the next morning. I don't understand what the 10 years in between after we've decided the time we do it, take the time deliberating, you know what I mean? Have somebody have some neurosurgeon come in and say the guy had an aneurysm and he had a brain tumor and that's what put pressure on his frontal lobe and caused him to do this, do all that. But once we find the guy guilty, it's like, what if you go to court, we find you not guilty? Do we wait seven years and then let you out? Or do you get let out that you get let out that day? Right? So using your logic, once we find you guilty, whatever punishment needs to be meted out, we do it that afternoon. I agree. And especially. And listen all you slippery slope suckers out there, don't give me that. Well, next thing you know, some poor black guy from Detroit is gonna get rounded up and they're gonna throw him in a prison line and a guy with blue eyes is gonna point at him, and the next thing you know, he's gonna be hanging from the gallows. No, no, no, no. We understand what went on here. He killed 13 people and wounded 50 others.

[Brian Bishop]

Cold blood.

[Adam Carolla]

We know what's going on. We can safely kill this guy just like. Like we did McVeigh, without any slippery slope repercussions. Where, oh, the guy stole a bag of Doritos, but it was his third strike and he didn't have representation. And now he's in the electric chair, too, like. No, we understand that. We're smart Enough for that we can discern, can we not? Let's do it that way. Get ready. Yeah, get ready. The top five terrorists at Gitmo are being brought to New York to be trying civil quarantine. No, no.

[Brian Bishop]

In a federal court. Yeah, federal.

[Adam Carolla]

Federal.

[Brian Bishop]

Civil court.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So now all the. The waterboarding, all the information we got from them is now thrown out. Yeah. Some tricky lawyer that's going to get these guys off. I. Listen, I just. It's just funny to me when the left can't call this guy a terrorist. It was an unfortunate incident. He should be punished. Was he a terrorist? This was. This was an act. There were people terrorized. But no, because you have an Allah Akbar and he's firing into everyone with blue eyes and he's, you know, they have emails or him emailing, like Yemen, trying to talk to his buddies and stuff. What the fuck, by the way, does it need to be more than one guy to be an act of terrorism?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, by the way, I would think if I were a Muslim, I'd want this guy to be called a terrorist because they're Muslim terrorists. That's not me. Muslim.

[Adam Carolla]

Run of the mill.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I mean, in a way, it helps the Muslim community. It seemed to me calling this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Is the left so fucking protective over that word and the people in the religion. The guy was a devout Muslim. He fucking opened up trying to kill as many Americans as he possibly could. And it was an act of terror. It was an act of terrorism. He's a terrorist. And they do that.

[Brian Bishop]

Timothy McVeigh is a terrorist.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. This is the act of a very disturbed individual. Well, what do you think terrorists are? Super healthy family men, of course. Oh. So the guy walks in a fucking Subway sandwich shop in Israel with the fucking explosive vest on filled with rusty nails. He's totally sane.

[Brian Bishop]

He was.

[Adam Carolla]

This was a disturbed individual. He was a terrorist. I'm not. It was insane. It was insane. Like, I've watched these guys. Arguments. Just say he's a terror. He was disturbed. It was unfortunate. What the fuck more do we need? And why can't we start hanging labels on people? And by the way, what do you think you're gonna fucking call the guy? The disturbed Muslim who shot up 66 people and was yelling Praise Allah as he was doing it. You fucking.

[Brian Bishop]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

You give that guy the mantle of terrorists and what an angry mob is going to show up at your house the next day of concerned Americans.

[Brian Bishop]

But I would think it would help the Muslim community to spirit out terrorism from their faith, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not.

[Brian Bishop]

And their community.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the part that gets really scary and condescending. This probably isn't even coming from the Muslim community. This is coming from the super leftist journalists. Journalists who are scared to offend the Muslim community. I, by the way, was talking to my writer buddy. Listen, let me explain the reality of how this works. Nobody wants to defend the Muslim community. The reality is they don't want to be shot like some sort of cartoonist from Denmark. You know what I mean? I mean that you don't. It's a weird. It's a weird piece of sociology. But the guy who literally punches you in the face when you give him bad news, you kind of stop giving that guy bad news. Even when you said, oh, no, he's not going to be treated any differently than anyone else as a society. We don't want it. We basically deal with them like Scientologists, like, don't say anything bad about them. I don't want. I don't want the hassle. Yeah. Like, I don't want to deal with that. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

And all our culture, maybe the corporatization that is really done. Maybe the corporate structure, like, we don't want any bad press on the corporate side. And it's only three corporations running all the news. So it might be that, you know, it might not be the journalists, it might be the businessmen.

[Adam Carolla]

It's everybody. No, who the fuck wants to have somebody waiting for them when they come home at night after work because they told the truth about a religious group and nobody wants to deal with it? So it's this. It's a tacit agreement that we've all just silently signed on for as a world, we're not going to hassle these people or call them anything because we don't want them to fucking come after us because a lot of them are nuts and they're jihadists. So, fine, so we don't do it. And it's like in the movie that's coming out, or has just come out, 2012, with John Cusack and his hair. And they. I think Bruckheimer did it. And they said, every major religious symbol and representative, everything has been destroyed because you didn't do anything to Islam. Why not?

[Brian Bishop]

He was explicit. He doesn't want the hassle.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't want the hassle.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. He said, yeah, he's been.

[Adam Carolla]

We've all been m. Whipped. And so my buddy Kevin was saying, you know, we ought to do. We ought to. We ought to have a worldwide day where we all make fun of the faith. But like, we plan it like a book drop. Like, everybody does their joke and even like in the cartoons, Marmaduke is taking a piss on the Koran. You know, it's like everything, everything, nationwide and worldwide in one day, just because they won't be able to get to everyone. The problem is, is some cartoonist writes something in the Denmark. In a Denmark newspaper or something, and he does it alone. And then he gets. Turns into Salman Rushdie. He gets stalked and killed or whatever, however they do it. But if we all did it just worldwide just did it at the same time. And one day they'd never be able to. Their heads would be spinning around so fast that fucking turbine would fly off. They'd never be able to get. They'd never be able to get to anybody. Yes. So that's my plan. I'll keep you guys posted on when our big book drop is going to be.

[Brian Bishop]

It's hard for atheists like yourself to get your head around what makes people behave like this with all this.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course, he was a disturbed individual. Like the 19 guys that were in the planes flying into the towers weren't. Weren't disturbed individuals. This is the act of one disturbed. Right. That was the act of 19 disturbed individuals. Where's your cutoff for when we call it terror, you fucking hypocrite pussies who, by the way, you just. You're A, looking to get reelected and B, looking to pussyfoot around what is becoming a problem. And by the way, what's becoming more of a problem because we're not addressing it for what it is.

[Brian Bishop]

I think. I think, you know, the idea is, of course, you don't want to create another victim, which is, you know, regular Muslim citizens who are practicing their faith and have good community. And I think you protect it with the truth.

[Adam Carolla]

Call the guy terrorist.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you distinguish between right now, he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Just one of you guys now, by the way, according to your retarded lefty logic, then this could happen. I work with a Muslim guy. When's he going to snap?

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Yeah, I think it creates more problems than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Not being accurate and not telling the truth always causes more problems. Not seeing reality on reality's terms always causes more problems. Thank you, DJ from Kansas City. Dj? Yeah. What's happening?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, Adam, we know that you're legendary.

[Adam Carolla]

For your ability to receive oral.

[Caller/Guest]

And I'm wondering if there's such thing.

[Adam Carolla]

As being bad at receiving oral. I guess you could beat the girl about the head and shoulders or something. The mean Faux pause or is it a matter of the giver is just no good. Well, I can, I can tell you, you know, as I've said, no one receives oral like me. I don't, I'm not, you know, I don't give it, but I receive better than anyone on the planet. Anyone wants to, you know, challenge me on that step outside.

[Brian Bishop]

But you don't want to actually. Anybody just. You have to have the selection of your choice to be given. Any guy can't take you on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I say if he wants to challenge me in the receiving only department, yeah, I'll take him on. I'll take on all comers.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you want him to be the one to challenge you? He'll, he'll do it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, he has to receive. It's who can receive the best.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you going to be the.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not who gives it.

[Brian Bishop]

I know what I'm saying. You better select that part.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not going to be receiving the.

[Brian Bishop]

Way you have a receive. Right. All.

[Adam Carolla]

Why we receive off.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all. Somebody was saying I love it right now. They were talking about how in porns these days, it was Lance Kroll.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like when the guys talk too much or the.

[Brian Bishop]

He was talking about that everybody. Isn't that bad receiving.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, no, that's bad giving.

[Brian Bishop]

But isn't he the one forcing that?

[Adam Carolla]

It depends. Sometimes the chicks bring that on themselves. It depends how much skull palming is going on. But here's the whole thing. I don't, you know, as long as we're talking about the porn, back off with the spitting and the gagging. I don't need the spitting and the gagging. And by the way, you want to talk about, you want to talk about basically insult to injury. If dad ever comes across that porn. Like, not only is my daughter doing porn, but she's bad at blowing guys. Like that's a double edged, you know what I mean? That's, that's insult to injury there. She's gagged. Come on. How many times I worked on her gag reflex all through, all through grade school and that's just really disappointing. But anyway, the guy's barely hung. Come on. This is sad. I don't like all spitting. I don't like the gagging, but I don't need the guy talking. I don't need that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And by the way, I like when the guy's, you know, look, I like when they go, yeah, you love it, don't you like tolerate It's a push. You're essentially exerting 300 pounds of pressure on the back of my skull trying to push penis through the back of my neck. Yeah, you love it. Oh, you love it. Come on. You know you love it. It's horrible. It is so. It is so horrible. So anyway, you know, I, I. You know, this is like the X Prize, huh? The X Prize was somebody put up, you know, 10 million bucks, and they said, can you get us to orbit the Earth's atmosphere and come back down safely and whatever. And it got done in eight months. Now, ironically, the guy who claimed the $10 million check spent $20 million building the thing. I mean, come on. But this is how you get problems solved. You don't just wait around for the government to do crap. You have some entrepreneur go, 10 million bucks for the first guy who makes a car that goes, you know, gets more than 100 miles an hour. Miles per gallon. And does over 100 miles an hour. And it gets done.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I say that for receiving oral. Anybody who thinks they can do it better than me. 10 million bucks. Step up. Step up. I don't think anyone can do it. I get to judge. Oh, yeah, of course. Of course. All right, so Dr. Drew is sitting in with us. That was DJ or I should call him BJ.

[Brian Bishop]

No, DJ. Well, BJ. He did prompt the BJ conversation.

[Adam Carolla]

Jay from Kansas City. Dr. Drew and I were in Kansas City once. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there's another call.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember that?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, VIP tickets for the brawl, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll talk about being in Kansas City in a second, Joel. Hey, what's happening, Joel? Not much.

[Caller/Guest]

How are you, Adam and Dr. Drew?

[Adam Carolla]

Doing well.

[Caller/Guest]

So I'm calling up from up here in Seattle, and, yes, we're literally underwater, Pierre, as you pointed out in the movie the Hammer, which is a great movie, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, it does not rain that much in Seattle. Every time I'm up there, it's blustery and beautiful. And, people, I think you make a lot of the rain up there. So us from Southern California will stay out of there and stop moving up there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

You know, you're right about that. And I like the weather up here. It's not bad, but we literally get shit on by salmon up here instead of birds.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Flying salmon. Hey, can I ask you this, Joel? Sure. Do you.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they allow leaf blowers there?

[Brian Bishop]

It's too wet.

[Adam Carolla]

It's too wet for leaf blowers. I don't feel like I hear it's.

[Brian Bishop]

They'Re only in Southern California. It's only Southern California. Everyone else uses a rake or they just leave leaves where they fall and leave them as a mulch for the soil.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Joel, you know when they allow.

[Caller/Guest]

Leaf blowers, they allow them outside your window while you're trying to get on a date with.

[Brian Bishop]

Talk about get things done.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that your name? What's your name?

[Adam Carolla]

Joel.

[Brian Bishop]

Joel. Joel, yeah. You're from Southern California?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Oh, me, he.

[Brian Bishop]

Joel's from Southern California.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he is, are you? So he's from.

[Brian Bishop]

He's in Seattle now, but he's lived in Southern California.

[Caller/Guest]

No, I'm from Seattle.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. I'm kind of, you know, I was.

[Caller/Guest]

Born up here and raised up here.

[Adam Carolla]

You scare me. As a Dr. Joel, your question is you want to know about the VIP tickets for Ball Bryan's event.

[Caller/Guest]

Being up here in Seattle, I've kind of passed off the idea of going to this last Bryan benefit, but I've actually kind of found a way that I can probably get down to LA on that Friday. So now I'm thinking about it might be a little too late, because I think the vip and if I'm going to come all the way down there, you know, I want to go big. So I'm afraid from what I found on the website this morning, is that the VIP might all be sold out.

[Adam Carolla]

VIP has been sold out for a number of weeks. Really sold out quickly. $300 a ticket. Talk about people's generousity and how good my podcast listeners are. I'm telling you, my agent said you'll never sell this thing out. Too big a venue. You're charging too much for tickets. 100 bucks for general admission, 300 bucks. He said you should be charging like 25 bucks and 40 bucks for VIP.

[Brian Bishop]

Has he apologized?

[Adam Carolla]

Not a fan, evidently. Now no one everin this town. No one ever apologized for being wrong. They're wrong all the fucking time. And yes, if you guys had it your way, Bald Bryan would have. Well, he'd be short. He'd be light $100,000 in his pocket. If we listened to you experts, a lot of experts in this town that are wrong a lot. And never, ever, ever take fucking credit for being wrong. They take credit for being right.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't lose their job.

[Adam Carolla]

They never lose a job and they never fucking apologize. I mean, listen. And you know what? But to be fair, my agent bought 10 tickets.

[Brian Bishop]

That's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And as far as I know, he gave me three pair to give away. Really? And that's all I got. They're not VIPs. I don't think they're VIPs. And I can work something out with you, though. Where?

[Teresa Strasser]

Where?

[Adam Carolla]

If you're gonna come down.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you want? You want two tickets?

[Caller/Guest]

Two tickets would be great. I was planning so far just to come down by myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Hey, but listen, I don't know if I want some weirdo from Seattle coming down, you know, lone wolf with a deal. A deal for you, the deal for me. Yeah. Here's the deal. Puts a shank in my ribs, in the alley, and then rapes me. That's the deal.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

I can't promise I'm not a weirdo, but, yeah, two tickets. If that seems less weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want you and your ventriloquist dummy coming either. Have you met Sean? He's a huge fan.

[Caller/Guest]

Here's what I was wondering. So is it because of the seat availability that VIP sold out, or. The VIP room access is actually too small for one extra guy?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, let him come by the podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you kidding? No, no, I'd rather do it a crowd. Listen, he'll. He'll, like, shoot Joel McHale, and you. And I'll. I'll be under a table.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll bring him in the VIP room.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Joel, listen, we'll put you on hold, we'll get you out there, and I'll figure out a way to get you into the vip. Hey, what if I bought three tickets.

[Caller/Guest]

And just presented three tickets, sat up in the notes, blades, and then just got to hang out with you guys in vip?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll figure it out. I'll work it out. We'll put you on hold, give someone your.

[Brian Bishop]

Kansas City. Kansas City. You and I took a nice tour of Kansas City.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. Drew and I would do college tours, and we did a lot of dates, and there was never, in my estimation, an issue with the actual venue or date itself in terms of the room, the mics, and the people that were there. Sometimes we could never get a pot of coffee. That was. That was the only. We had one thing on our rider that basically said, have a pot of coffee waiting for us when we show up at the event because we'll be tired. And that was a coin toss, maybe a little less than 50%, but Kansas City, I remember very specifically because, as you know, I only remember the good things. I don't remember any compliments or any happy moments or anything. I remember the bad things. Yes. I should say only. Only the miserable days. And Casey was great for us because we got picked up at the airport by a chick and her friend in.

[Brian Bishop]

In somebody else's car.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone else's Pathfinder? Yes. Maybe a boyfriend. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And boyfriend's Pathfinder.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what beat up Pathfinder.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And took us on the freeway. Not roadworthy freeway from the airport to. To Kansas City on the Missouri side or on the Kansas side. And we got lost.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we got into her car.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, this is. This is our management's fault. As much as you probably like to argue with me. Really, I'll say what I will about my agent. He would have demanded a town car and a professional driver, which we should have demanded from the word go because we would have kids come and pick us up. And these were a couple of ditzy bras. Her and her friend. I think her friend just wanted to meet Adam and Dr. Drew from Loveline. And then there was her. And she was driving a car that she borrowed that was. When I say not roadworthy. I mean, when we got up to 60, would start shimmying and drifting out of the lane.

[Brian Bishop]

That is no hyperbole. The front end was jumping bolt tires, needle line. But he leaned over to me as we were going from the airport to downtown and said, road worthy car, circa 50 miles an hour. And I thought, yeah, barely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, drop shots. Hotel.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Picked us back up in that car again.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Leaned back to us and said, you guys, do you all know where the hotel is? Asked us where the hotel was. Asked us. Well, you know, both born and bred in K.C. now there's the Hyatt downtown, and then there's the Hyatt Missouri. And then there's Airport Hyatt. And I believe we're at the Hyatt downtown, which is on the corner Crescent and Fifth Avenue. Bob, I'll be the valet if I. If my memory serves. But pull around back because there's a little entrance. We'll go in through the kitchen and we'll go right up there. What the fuck? I don't know where the fucking hotel is. You crazy bitch. We don't even know. I know where the fucking hotel is. I don't know the name of the hotel. Do you guys know where the hotel is? Yeah, remember that one? So she's like, I'll call my boyfriend or something. So she called her boyfriend, and again, it wasn't her car. And then I was like, wow, this car is scary. And then we went to the hotel. I Don't know, took a shower and she picked us up like two hours, same car. A little bit late.

[Brian Bishop]

Late.

[Adam Carolla]

Went out to eat.

[Brian Bishop]

She went shopping.

[Adam Carolla]

Shopping, that was a good one. The good one too is we were like, she said like, I'll see you in the lobby. I said, we're like, what time's the gig? Eight o'. Clock. Okay, so what time should we get there? 7:30.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it was a good hour drive before. We're going.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, yeah. No, I'm saying. So how far away is it? Well, it's an hour. It's an hour. All right, well pick us up in the lobby at 6:30, whatever. I mean it was a good hour out of town from where we were. And we said, we'll see you in the lobby at 6:30. And somewhere around 6:45 she wasn't there yet. And then when she did show up, she said, oh, sorry, I'd been shopping. People don't even know how to fucking make excuses. And by the way, ladies, that's why you get paid less. Because a guy would have said, oh first. You know what a guy would have done? He would have ran in a circle until he broke a sweat and then jumped in and went like, oh geez, I got, I just had to change the spare, man. I had to change the tire. Flat tire, sorry, minutes late. We'll make it up on the way. But no guy, no guy you know would have went, hey, I was shopping and by the way, when the guy showed up 20 minutes late and didn't say a word and I said, hey buddy, why were you late? He wouldn't have gone shopping. He would have got himself. I was attacked.

[Brian Bishop]

They're wearing masks now we're behind. She has to speed in the road. Unsafe car. Yes, it was a most un.

[Adam Carolla]

We're doing 85 and the thing is like shimmy swimming, jumping up and down and she's lost once again. Cannot, cannot find. Cannot. It's all right.

[Brian Bishop]

We had about 3, 500 people in a big stadium waiting for us. It's all right, no big deal. We were half hour late when we got there.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn't, couldn't find the venue. Didn't know. And by the way, I blame, I would like to blame her, but it's sort of like blaming the dog when he bites the mailman. Blame the owner, I don't know who. The idiots who dispatched the world's dumbest chick who has no form of transportation to pick us up from the airport, who doesn't know where the hotel is. Although did Find out it was by an outlet mall at some point, and then doesn't know how to get from the hotel to the guy who's her fucking boss.

[Brian Bishop]

But, you know, even now, I do those college gigs and I specify every molecule of what has to happen, because I know. I've been through this so many times, it still doesn't happen. It's still crazy how much they'll never. Yeah, it's never right. And I'm so clear, so specific with every little thing, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna write a book, Drew. Tell me what you think. I'm gonna write a book, and I'm gonna call it. I had no idea adults were gonna be so stupid. Like, when I was a kid and I just thought adults were smart, I saw all adults. Like, I thought my dad's friends. Like they were. Well, they were at least like adults. They get dressed, put a tire on, they could start the car to work. You know, they. They do business things. They draft up papers and sign things. Like, it was very, like, this guy, every guy in the world's Larry Tate from Bewitch. You know, they're all like, cable. I had no idea, as an adult how disappointing it was going to be to run into so many adults that were fucking horrible at their jobs, didn't give a shit, didn't know any better. And I'll take it to a next level out here in Hollywood. Super high paid, super well compensated, been in. Been doing this for 30 years. Fucking stupid adults. Yeah, man, this town is littered with guys wearing really nice sport coats who've been doing shit for 30 years, who have a long fucking pedigree, who are semi retarded at what they do, who are horrible at what they do.

[Brian Bishop]

This college thing, I was won a couple weeks ago, and there was things not as I'd specified. I mean, I went over it with them before I went up there, and I went. I went.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you.

[Brian Bishop]

Didn't you read the. Didn't you read the requirements? Yeah, read them. Well, yeah, the part about the coffee and the. You didn't read that? Oh, yeah, I read it.

[Adam Carolla]

Read it. This didn't do it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an fu.

[Adam Carolla]

Same thing. No, listen. Yeah, I want to know your version of when Adam was supposed to be driven to the airport and you guys missed your plane. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, Adam's version. No, no, that's. That's the.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell your version of it. By the way, put a cap on this one. We were late to the gig in Kansas. In Kansas. And let's not forget coming Back from the gig ribs. We got lost again.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. We asked take us to a rib place. Remember that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And they took us to like a. They took us to a. We went, hey, it's a Kansas City.

[Adam Carolla]

Show us some ribs.

[Brian Bishop]

Want to see what some ribs are like?

[Adam Carolla]

We went to their equivalent of a Popeyes or kfc.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like.

[Brian Bishop]

We did.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, we went to their chain. But we did get lost, and we got 45 minutes.

[Brian Bishop]

We thought they were taking us to somewhere special. They were taking us to Waffle House.

[Adam Carolla]

They took us to the equivalent of an ihop.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're like, we want to. We want some of your savory Kansas City ribs that we've been hearing about our whole time. We went some barbecue and they took us to, like a drive through. It's a horrible, horrible barbecue.

[Brian Bishop]

Pictures with the money. With the dollar amount by the picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Bitch got lost again on the way back.

[Brian Bishop]

But there's, There's a. We got to talk for a couple more minutes. We're going to go beyond the usual. I hope we can. But there was a thing we had in northern Iowa, which, by the way, I was just at a school right next to Northern Iowa. I guess it was some Illinois school. I don't know where I was. And they were talking. We were talking about that experience where the guy had to. Again, we were in the back of a hatchback where people thought we were doing, like a joke of something being filmed for a punked episode. The guy took us after the event to take us to dinner and he had to change from his. He was in jeans. He had to change into something worthy of dinner. He turned from his green jeans to his black jeans while we sat in the freezing cold in a hatchback filled with laundry while some sorority kids come up to us and goes, hey, it's Adam and Drew. What are you guys doing here? What's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

That. I, no, no, no. I don't think that was northern Iowa or Iowa. That was positive that. What is a school that's in Memphis or in Tennessee? Did we go to school in Memphis or Tennessee? Where's Dartmouth?

[Brian Bishop]

Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Vanderbilt.

[Brian Bishop]

This is not Vanderbilt. No, no, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I, I, I, I remember. I remember we did one school and then that Indian chick drove us. Oh, yeah, that was to the next jet.

[Brian Bishop]

That was Vanderbilt.

[Adam Carolla]

Vanderbilt. She, by the way. She, by the way, picked us up and was driving us to our next gig, but had to swing by her work.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, that was Drake.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Drake.

[Brian Bishop]

Drake, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She said, I gotta stop by my work. She literally, we're like on the highway. It was if she picked us up.

[Brian Bishop]

At, Was it Drake? That's what the track meets.

[Adam Carolla]

We ended up at Drake.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we started Drake and then we were going to somewhere else.

[Adam Carolla]

Vanderbilt or wherever she was. She picked us up. And while we're going down the freeway.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotta, gotta pull into Des Moines.

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta, gotta go into Des Moines. Two hour drive. And it was if she was just driving through downtown on the 10 and then started to get off the freeway and you're like, where, where are we going? I gotta swing by a commercial building, like a 30 story building, federal building. We're like, wait in the street.

[Brian Bishop]

And you had to pee.

[Adam Carolla]

I had to piss, but I couldn't get into the building. She's like, dirty situation. So we sat in the car. Well, she went up to like pick up some shit from work, came back down. By the way, she went shopping too and was like, she went shopping that morning, right?

[Brian Bishop]

We were waiting for the hotel forever.

[Adam Carolla]

It was late. Swing by her place. Drew. Didn't Adam give her a hey, we got to get going. I, I, I didn't know where. We never knew where we were going.

[Brian Bishop]

We were so checked out, we didn't really understand what we were. That was like the fourth college we'd ever done.

[Adam Carolla]

The other question is, you know, Adam puts his demands like, hey, you know, we need some coffee in here. We need a security guard. Like, how did you let this keep.

[Brian Bishop]

Repeating it didn't he got it, got to the point where he would go, all right, if I get there and there's no coffee, I'm getting on the plane, going back and that's it. And it came close a couple times too.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember Jenny Craig?

[Brian Bishop]

Jenny Craig, Jenny Craig.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I mean, Jenny Jones. Or think about.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that's this tie into the plane that didn't show.

[Adam Carolla]

Wasn't that the same Jenny Jones? They promised us both a first class ticket, right? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

We're so we're standing there, he's late a little bit, but waiting to get a little bit because I remember I was supposed to go on and no first class seat. And then goes, awesome, going home.

[Adam Carolla]

And I, I just turned around lax. I started walking for the door. Should have stayed there, should have kept walking.

[Brian Bishop]

But now there was the time when you got some girl from Loveline to pick you up at the bottom of the stairs. Is this the story you're talking about? Oh, no, he tells the story as it happened. That's how it happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, no, I just like your. I'd like to.

[Brian Bishop]

My version. Is that.

[Adam Carolla]

Because Drew must have been nervous, like, oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

What the. Adam, come on. Oh, I was on the plane. I was on the plane, and I left my coat on the plane or something, didn't I? Is that the day I left the.

[Adam Carolla]

Your wife had gotten some gift. Camel hair, like, duster, like, I still wear that coat. The most expensive coat you can buy.

[Brian Bishop]

Left it on the plane, got off to find out where the hell I am.

[Adam Carolla]

You better tell before you better go back.

[Brian Bishop]

This is my version of what. What happened to. To me on that day, though. I got off the plane because it's like, hey, we're closing the doors. I'm like, well, you can't. I got to get my partner. I get off the plane, they do close the doors. Adam shows up seconds later. And we sat there in the window looking at the captain for 30 minutes, going. Arguing with the girl at the gate, like, look, come on. Door shut. With a policy.

[Adam Carolla]

Door shut.

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, it wasn't even departure time yet. It was just policy. 10 minutes before or 20 minutes before or something, they shut the door.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever it was. It was one of these situations where we were heading to Florida.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

We're doing the University of Florida Gators. I think we did the gators. There were 8,000 people.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It was the biggest. It was by far the biggest event we'd ever done. We didn't know it. We didn't. We never knew. We never knew if we're going to show up and they're going to be 500 people in someone's living room, although it was always usually 3,000 people. But we never knew if it's going to be 3,000 people. Or in this case, it was a basketball arena, and there was 8,500 people in there. So it would have been funnier if we missed that. But they did the thing where it was a 705 flight or whatever out of LAX, and they would not let me on the plane.

[Brian Bishop]

It was one of the. You know, Adam. So we're talking. It was kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

I killed myself getting that.

[Brian Bishop]

He runs up the plane, sitting at a cave. We're waiting at the cabin. He's waving back at us and the chicks there. And she goes, well, policy. Adam's like, it's my policy that I go on the plane. That's my policy. So here's the policy. I get on that plane. That's the policy. To the point where the woman. This went on for a good 10 minutes. I could see the women, like, calling security over and stuff after a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the plane was never leaving. What? The part that freaks Adam out is like, yeah, Adam is pure logic. The plane's still there.

[Brian Bishop]

We can talk to the captain through the mirror. You through the window.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not gonna let me on. The plane's right here.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And then it goes to policy, you know, but the policy is, no, you don't get on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam goes, well, okay, well, the policy needs to change. Here's my policy. I get on the plane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I told her I want to talk to the guy from the commercial. That's right. Remember that? She was confused.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I was in a fugue state. And I was saying, because I'd been. I literally been running for the last hour and a half, like, was this.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the girl that left you at the stairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. This is that day. I chugged down the stairs. I chugged up the stairs. The stairs are novelty stairs. Until, like, you at the radio station, you asked somebody what.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a long story.

[Adam Carolla]

Drew wouldn't pick me up at home unless I went home with him or went to his. His house. He had to make the rounds. Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

I do the hospital at morning.

[Adam Carolla]

Five in the morning at the hospital. So I announced that I would. I was not driving myself to LAX and leaving my car and, like, long term storage over there.

[Brian Bishop]

I want this girl, too. She's got to be here in Los Angeles.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope she died of ovarian cancer. I really do.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

So I hope that she doesn't respond to this because she's in the ground. But some. I said, look, here's the deal. I want to check because, you know, first off, when you're. When. When you're recognized around the world as being the number one receiver of oral sex, you don't want to be seen with a dude, not riding the air in an suv, going to the airport, you know, But I didn't want some weirdo dude, and I want a chick, and I want to have a fairly newish car that I knew wasn't going to break down. Learn my lesson from doing these college gigs. And then as I started to think about it, and here's where the real mistake came. I didn't feel like giving this sycophant my home address.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And. But envy, to be fair, your home was up the hill, and you were going to meet her at a landmark, which was like the gates to Hollywood land or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Living over there. So I. But. But to get to the airport before 7am we had to leave at 5:30 in the morning. Like, it was dark outside and it was drizzling. Hence you were wearing the big overcoat and it was the winter. And these stairs were like the kind of stairs that the guys who are personal trainers take their. Take their victims to, you know, run these stairs and drink some water. People panting at the top. Like, that's steep and wet, by the way. And long and long and dark. And I'm wearing, you know, a leather coat with a sweater under it. And I've got, you know, we're going out for a week. Like, I got. I got weeks worth of shit and two bags. Chug down the stairs. She never shows up. Start going around the corner. But, like, I'm dragging so much luggage that I saw, I'm having this weird sort of argument with myself, which is I should leave my bags by the stairs and then sprint, like, up to the market around the corner because it was late waiting stop sign or departure parking lot, and she got confused. Or then turn the corner, go the other way and sprint up to the next stop sign to see if I can. But should I leave my luggage on the corner? Like, not on the corner, just on the sidewalk, in the service. What if someone drives by and thinks there's a bomb in it or something? Something like that. So I literally just leave my luggage and start chugging. I'm now doing that thing, what you do when you sweat under your sweater and your jacket. I'm in my own filth now. And by the way, it like 6:08 she ain't coming, right? And coming up now pack up my luggage. And I start chugging up those stairs. And it's just like adrenaline that's taking me. It's like raining outside. I'm going. The stairs are dark and they're. They're novelty steep. And I'm just chugging up to them. I get to the top, throw the junk in the back of my car. Just. Just haul ass. Haul ass for the airport. So when I got to the airport, I literally dropped my car off at the Wally park and just. I'm literally chugging, just chugging with my bag. So when I got to the counter, I was like, oh. My first thought was, there's Dr. Drew standing by the counter. And there's the airplane. Ah, thank Christ. I've made it. Good. Here's my ticket. We're getting onto the plane. Drew, wait till you hear this story.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's literally what you did then. Then she's like, you're not getting on this plane.

[Brian Bishop]

Not this plane, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I was like, what? It's, it's still here. But I was expecting to look up and see it start being pulled out of. Of the slip. And now it's there. And somewhere as we were arguing and somewhere around minute eight of the argument, I would look to my left and see the plane is still parked there. Not.

[Brian Bishop]

She closed that whole ticket booth down and we still stood there and looked at the plane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember we were standing like, what the.

[Adam Carolla]

F. Now at a certain point, I don't know if you remember this part, but you started yelling at me. At a certain point you got your, your hostility had been turned toward me. Oh yeah. And I was. Because your jacket was now locked on.

[Brian Bishop]

The plane and where the f were you?

[Adam Carolla]

Got you a two thousand dollar jacket, it was locked on the plane and they got where was I and why was I here? And you had to get off the plane. And, and this is all pre 911 by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, long before, five years before.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a good four or five years before 9 11.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they kept it the other end. I did get it. That, that, that's exactly, that's like us standing by the plane looking at a.

[Adam Carolla]

Picture of us just staring at a huge.

[Brian Bishop]

Precisely the jumbo check. I swear to God, that's exactly what we were standing in front of for 20 minutes after we finished arguing with this lady about us being allowed on the plane again.

[Adam Carolla]

And this just speaks to attorneys and watchdog groups and things like that. They shut the door. If they reopen the door, it'll screw up their on time. Whatever. Once the door is shut, even if you sit on the tarmac for two hours, it's still on time. They left on time. And by the way, it should be when you pull out, not when you shut the door. When you take off or when you take off is when it should be. There was another one where we were on airplane, remember when the hatch was open, another technicality when the hatch wouldn't stay shut on the overhead storage thing and I said, get the duct tape. That was another one of those technicalities. Again, you can thank all the lawyers.

[Brian Bishop]

On the other hand, we stopped on. We stepped onto a turbo prop with fire coming out of its engine. Wouldn't start up. They're like, we'll get it going. Some guy got up on the plane and banged on the engine and it started up like, all right, ready to go. Now remember that? Oh, you're, you're in Cincinnati.

[Adam Carolla]

You're forgetting, you're forgetting three major components to that story. Three.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember one, it was. The next, it was that same flight later.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. With.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they can say the same flight.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, same flight.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember that part vividly.

[Adam Carolla]

You're. We were leaving Cincinnati and going to Alabama or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Going south. We're going south.

[Adam Carolla]

Alabama. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

On a turboprop seat, seating 20.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's always that. It's always that sort of thing. We all experience it at the airport where, like, you see the 777 in the distance, you're like, oh, please let that be. And then you see the little minnow over to the side. You're like, oh, no, not the thing with the props on it. This was, it was a 30 seat, 20, 25 seat turbo prop plane. Now, couple elements here. We were running late. They were running late. The flight was running late, and there was a storm moving.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember the store.

[Adam Carolla]

So the whole thing was, the first thing was we got to get going because there was this thunderstorm moving in over Alabama. You could see it coming in. But they also said at the other end, there was something at the other end. There's a storm forming, an electrical storm. And we got what, maybe we can fly around it, but we got to leave now, now. So the problem was, is when we started to leave now. Well, the problem was, is there was smoke coming out of one of the engines, literally on the ground.

[Brian Bishop]

And the engine was going, big plumes of smoke.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was like, okay, we're getting off. Well, we're getting off this plane. But they're like, no, no, we're going to fix it. But we gotta hurry because the storm is brewing. The storm's coming in and you can see it coming in. And so the guy comes out and he literally starts banging on the engine. I mean, he doesn't pull out any tools or anything. And then here's another thing you're forgetting. They pipe up with this one. We're overweight. Oh, yeah, somebody's gonna have to. Somebody's gonna have to volunteer. No, no, they said, we'll pull some luggage off, we'll send. We're a couple hundred pounds overweight for takeoff and landing, whatever, so we need to pull baggage out of this fucking plane. And I remember very clearly because they said, look, either somebody's gonna have to volunteer and say, remove my bags and we'll give you a voucher for random cocktail, or we're just gonna open the hatch and pull out. And it's funny, we had a lot of gamblers because everyone was like, let it ride. There's 25 people on this plane, and I got a 1 in 25 chance it ain't gonna be me. I'll take the odds. So they just randomly. Yeah, but they announced, we're overweight. Then there was smoke billowing out of the engine. The left side engine.

[Brian Bishop]

They banged it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, actually, there wasn't a side. It was all the left side. And. And they're banging on it. And they fired up again. It's just big. A plume of smoke came out. Second time.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam goes. I don't know of any mechanical interventions that include just banging on an engine that it's satisfactorily changed.

[Adam Carolla]

Like an AMCO commercial with the monkey in the back. Yeah. So that was it. And at a certain point, I'm not a pilot, but it seemed to me like they just went like it. We're going.

[Brian Bishop]

We're doing this.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going. Because the storm is brewing.

[Brian Bishop]

Things kind of spinning now. The propellers go.

[Adam Carolla]

Seem to be working. It blew out a little carbon. You guys couldn't get off. Or was it policy? Or you didn't want to get off?

[Brian Bishop]

You're sort of stunned. You know, you're sort of. First off.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, there is a weird mob mentality, and not in a good way, but I just mean you want to get a bunch of people, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Runs off the plane.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Let me out of here. Yeah, you. Don't be the weirdo. Also, also, you're. You're recognizable people. There's Drew. Hey, there's the guys from mtv. Also, we're going to a gig.

[Brian Bishop]

We gotta get there.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, we gotta get to the gig. I mean, this is. It's Buddy Holly time here. He's leaving a gig. But either way, we got something to go to. And there is that sort of practical side. Like, hey, we're not gonna get paid. We're gonna have an auditorium full of disappointed kids. Blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Bishop]

And so here's the censure, though. This is when it really the clincher. What comes next. So we're flying. We make it, and we're flying through a store.

[Adam Carolla]

We're not flying when the guy has the paper open. No, no, no. We're still. We're. We're starting to take off.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm. I'm sitting there. I've told the story before, though. I'll try not to drag it out any longer. But I'm sitting there in the plane, and I'm a nervous flyer. I was back then because I I went 0 to 30 without ever being on an airplane. There is a part of flying that's just. I've been through it and done that. If you want. You know, if you were normal and you had relatives on the east coast and as a kid, you went back and forth a few times. You just get. You get indoctrinated into it when you're 30. I was like a superstitious native on the plane. Like, I couldn't figure out how to.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, mostly it was like an alcoholic on the plane.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I turned into an alcoholic. Yeah. Sue American Airlines for being a gateway stepping stone to my alcoholism. But I just numb myself with booze. But there was no fucking booze on this flight because there's no place used to push a cart. There was no anything. So I was sitting there and I was like, look, we're overweight. We know there's a storm coming in.

[Brian Bishop]

The engine's not working.

[Adam Carolla]

I know there's smoke coming from the left side engine. I. I don't know how God works, but God doesn't pluck you up by the scruff of the neck like a cat carrying its cub. God gives you clues and signals, and at that point, it's either your job to pick up on it, or you're going down at a fiery ball with the rest of the people that weren't smart enough to pick up on this thing. And I just sat there thinking, I really want to get off this flight. Like, I just want to get off of it. I don't feel good about it. And the person in front of me opened a newspaper.

[Brian Bishop]

Spread it out, like, wide open.

[Adam Carolla]

Spread it out.

[Brian Bishop]

And Adam starts just hammering me in the ribs. He, like, literally. Donnie, he's literally, like, taking his elbow, going. I'm like, what the hell? What the hell? He's like, like, pointing at the paper, and then he goes, roberto Clemente was Roberto Clementi.

[Adam Carolla]

Full page ad. I swear to God, it was an expose.

[Brian Bishop]

A giant.

[Adam Carolla]

It was an ad. No, no, it was an ad. There was.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought it was.

[Adam Carolla]

If you guys. If you look on a computer, this was probably, what, 98, 99.

[Brian Bishop]

98.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably 98. I guarantee you that the Roberto Clemente story came out on, like, HBO or Showtime or one of those things in, like, 1998, eight and a half or something like that. Yeah, it was a, like, miniseries or one of those, like, out of hbo. Just like, yeah, here we go. It's the story of the guy who died in airplane crash.

[Brian Bishop]

Cut down in his prime.

[Adam Carolla]

Cut down in his prime because he's flying back to Cuba or something to drop on a Turbo, probably same plane. And he died in a plane crash. So when I saw the person in front of me who had no idea what was going on, it was, of course, because that's going to be one of my chapters. And why adults? I didn't know adults were going to be so stupid. But just open the pic. Just open it up. There's a full page ad of the. I saw that. And I thought to myself, look, this is as much as God ever gives you in the message department. It's time to get off of this plane.

[Brian Bishop]

He's right about that.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm just like. It would have been like a scene from a movie because I took the Roberto Clemente thing. I'm not a. I'm not a superstitious person. I'm not a real spiritual person or religious person. I took the Roberto Clemente thing to mean get out.

[Brian Bishop]

We would talk about nothing else for an hour.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a crazy thing.

[Brian Bishop]

For an hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Roberto Clemente.

[Brian Bishop]

Roberto Clemente. Italian is Roberto Clementi, for God's sake.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I waited. I think I waited until we landed. Before I got. That was probably in the car because I was scared to speak his name. But I swear to God. I swear to God. Fine, Donnie. Find the goddamn special. I don't know. Donnie, by the way, has never heard of Roberto Clemente, so he's educating himself on the pirate. Great. Find the HBO or Showtime 98 special. I gotta figure out what year that came for, came. That came down the pike. Because I. That it must have come out. It must have been coming out that weekend on whatever network it was coming out on. But the point is, is like a comedy. If you would have panned across all the passengers, like done that thing where you put the camera in the front, just pan. You would have seen people reading, people talking. There would have been me, you know, Nails dug into the upholstery on that flight. And by the way, the whole flight, of course, we were delayed an hour because the engine. Of course, the storm did.

[Brian Bishop]

It was a horrible flight.

[Adam Carolla]

Bumpy and lightning strikes. Staring at Roberto Clemente's face the entire time. All right, Donnie, find that baby. It's gonna drive me insane.

[Brian Bishop]

Good times, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Drew.

[Brian Bishop]

Times.

[Adam Carolla]

You shared. Oh, boy. Oh, goodness. Drew, everyone. Sex rehab VH1 yeah, but let me just give it a quick plug.

[Brian Bishop]

Most powerful thing I've ever done on television. Very courageous people. Let you in to see what sex addiction is really all about. It's deep, embedded in their trauma. So you're gonna hear a lot of heavy stuff and some really crazy shit goes down in this program. Some really crazy stuff. Also I will say we did Celebrity Rehab 3 and Sober House 2 already also. Nearly took a few. Took a few good years off my life. Very also intense. Tom Sizemore, Heidi Fleiss, Dennis Rodman. It was very intense. Very intense. But nothing. Even though as I was going through that, I kept thinking to myself, yeah, that sex rehab show was still the most intense thing I've done.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to give a quick shout out to our intern Jeremy and his bride to be, Bri.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I am pronouncing that correctly. Why not Bria? I think it's just Brie for some reason.

[Brian Bishop]

Congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it Bria or Brie? It's Brie. It's like the cheese. Go fanatics. Next time with you, jackass.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, Adam's enough trouble.

[Adam Carolla]

Two more. I was getting married this weekend. Like we give a.

[Brian Bishop]

So we'll be together at the Ball Bryant event.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to find the Roberto Clemente story. Would someone smart get on a computer?

[Brian Bishop]

Remember it as just. Your memory is usually clearer than my particular. Such a vivid experience for you. Because I was sort of blowing it off a little bit because I didn't want to think the things you were thinking. But I remember as sort of an editorial to describe like a newspaper article describing what was in the story kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Full page.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember being full page. I remember the huge headline because I remember you poking me and me seeing it like beacon over the top of the seat. You know, you could just see the Roberto Clemente story. Man struck down in his pride.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it was an ad for. For one out for the two hour series or miniseries, whatever it is.

[Brian Bishop]

What's the date on that? You ever see a date on it?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll have to walk up to the 1993. It says now there was another. There's another story.

[Brian Bishop]

Just look.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a.

[Brian Bishop]

It might.

[Adam Carolla]

97. 97.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect. That's perfect. Must have been late December. All right. Well, there you go. Yeah, and it was definitely winter time. There's a storm roll there it was whatever. Getting into it. Yeah. All right. 97. So at least we know when we were heading off to Memphis or wherever. We're heading off to the college.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for my good friend and ex partner, Dr. Drew. And let's not forget Jeremy and Bree saying mahalo.

[Podcast Narrator]

All right? Those Adam carollo show episode 200. Hope you enjoyed those clips. That does it for Ace Pro Classics until tomorrow and get it on.