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Adam Carolla Show
Dusty Slay Talks New Stand-up Special + Kym Whitley’s Unbelievable Curb Your Enthusiasm Story
02:16:17
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- [00:00]
Adam Carolla
In this episode, very funny comedian. Got another Netflix special. He's back. Always a good conversation. Dusty Slay, Mayhem's Got News, Kim Whitley from Happy Gilmore 2 and many other shows as well. Talk to her. It's all good. Right after this, the road goes on forever and the party never ends. Especially if your name is Adam Carolla and you love Portland, Oregon. Thursday, August 7th, catch the Ace man at Helium Comedy Club in Portland. Then August August 31st at Mom Said yes in Torrance, California. Two shows at 7pm and 9pm and those Torrance shows at Mom Said yes featuring yours truly, Mike Dawson. Then on September 12th and 13th, the ace man heads to El Paso, Texas for four shows at the Comic Strip, Portland, August 7th, Torrance, August 31st and El Paso September 12th and 13th. Get tickets now at AdamCarolla.com from Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedians Dusty Slay and Kim Whitley. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now any room he's in is a ballroom. Adam Carolla, Yeah, get it on. Got to get on a choice man that you get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. Dusty Slay back in studio. Very funny. Stand up special Wet Heat available right now on Netflix. I watched it in its entirety and it's really nice to see the evolution of Dusty Slay. Very funny. Nice job.
- [01:59]
Dusty Slay
Well, thank you. Thanks for having me back. I appreciate it.
- [02:02]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's fun to watch you perform and sort of how your mind works. And I don't even, I guess as a comedian you have kinds of comedy you kind of gravitate to and some of it is secret sauce. Kind of hard to explain why certain people like certain people. Dusty has a and maybe I just vibe with it because it's a kind of a thinking man, blue collar thing, little self deprecating mixed in.
- [02:34]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, you know, I think I had a weird journey with comedy.
- [02:37]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [02:38]
Dusty Slay
I started comedy in Charleston, South Carolina. We had no clubs. We were all doing improv. We were all like little hipster comics. And then I started working the road and that was my first real club experience. And so the hipster stuff wasn't necessarily translating.
- [02:54]
Adam Carolla
Right. Right.
- [02:54]
Dusty Slay
So I'm like, how do I work the road but still keep the creative vibe that I got going.
- [03:00]
Adam Carolla
Right. Because there is a balance between what you want to say, what you sort of should be saying. I mean, it's not unlike life. Many of us several years ago should have said, I don't get what the fuck we're doing with these masks on. We're eating in between bites half the time. Politicians I see yelling at me about masks are wearing it beneath their nose. So what is going on with the mask? But we had to strike that balance between not wanting to get divorced or not wanting to get fired and not wanting to be ostracized or condemned in our society. So as a comedian, you go, these are the jokes I like. These are the ideas that I think are funny, but I know these people don't want this, but if I could figure out a way to make them want it, then it's win, win. But that takes a minute.
- [04:03]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. That's why I like a lot of tags. Right. I feel like you start a joke and you whittle it down and you go, all right, this is the funny structure of the joke, and you get everybody laughing at that. And then you can add your little tags and my little details that I like.
- [04:18]
Kim Whitley
And.
- [04:18]
Dusty Slay
And I feel like that's for a different group of people.
- [04:22]
Adam Carolla
It's slice of life. It's blue collar, but it's a thinking. It's got a little thinking man in it as well. And I think that's ultimately what we're looking for. A little bit of a renaissance man. That kind of blue collar guy can turn a wrench, but also can make you think.
- [04:42]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [04:42]
Adam Carolla
And I think Dusty's really over the target with this stuff. And it's definitely. I don't want to say, oh, it's come a long way since your last. It's not that. It's just become more refined.
- [04:56]
Dusty Slay
Well, I appreciate it. I like this one better. I like it better than working, man. I felt like I really got to. I don't know, I got in there and I got to tell some stories that I wanted to tell.
- [05:07]
Adam Carolla
It's like, it's a little more complex. It's a little more nuanced. There's more ideas. You know, like when you kind of go, yeah, well, yeah. And then think about, that's true. He's tapping into something, and that's really what this is.
- [05:22]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. You know, I got a fun crack joke that I like because it just seems so absurd that I'm like, this is fun. I like this.
- [05:32]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I agree. It's real watchable. I. And it feels good. It's smart. It's got a good vibe. It's a really fun special. And it's not, you know, it's, I don't know, hour and eight minutes or nine minutes or something. Like that. It's a serious.
- [05:50]
Dusty Slay
I get a little long winded. Yeah. I have to tighten it up for the special. I can go a little long on my shows.
- [05:56]
Adam Carolla
Well, it's really good. And I guess you just sort of. I guess you just sort of do what I do. You just sort of go through life and you just sort of look around and you go, why? And how come? And then at some point you go, I should write that down.
- [06:14]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. People go, where do you get your jokes from? I go, I don't know. I'm just paying attention out here.
- [06:19]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [06:19]
Dusty Slay
You know, I'm just walking around, I'm looking at stuff. Everything's funny to me. My mom thinks I make fun of everything. And like. Like, I go home and I'll make fun of the restaurant we're at, and she'll go, I'm sorry, it's not good enough. And I go, no, nowhere is good enough. I'm making fun of everything.
- [06:36]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I agree. I've run into that, where they go, you know, what are you always complaining about? I'm not complaining. I'm observing and I'm tweaking and I'm trying to fix it just a little bit, you know?
- [06:50]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. It's like my complaints are not legitimate. I'm just. Yeah, I'm critiquing. It's fun. I didn't realize I bought the same glasses as you. I'm not trying to just look like you.
- [06:59]
Adam Carolla
I'm wondering what you're trying to pull off. So here's some stuff. I was also watching the Beach Boys documentary, which is interesting. I thought you might have some thoughts about this. When I watch a documentary, I'll find myself Googling stuff like, oh, what happened to that guy? Or where is he? Or is he alive? And that kind of stuff. The Beach Boys doc is what you'd think. It's interesting and all, all that, but there is a part of it that I somehow miss. So, Dennis Wilson. So there was three Wilson brothers. There's Brian Wilson. I'm trying to think, what is the other. There's Brian Wilson. Dennis Wilson, I think. Carl. Yeah, sorry. Carl Wilson. The three Wilson brothers. And then Al Jardine and another cousin and a friend and different guys, but that's what the Beach Boys were. And the three brothers are very different dudes. And the one, the oldest, I think is Brian Wilson. And that's the guy who's a genius.
- [08:19]
Dusty Slay
That's the one we hear about.
- [08:20]
Adam Carolla
That's the one you hear about, Carl Wilson stuff. He wrote all the stuff, did all the stuff. Pioneer innovator, maybe doesn't get his due next to the Beatles and people like that, but he deserves it because his stuff was amazing. But then mental decay, drug use, and didn't get out of bed for three years.
- [08:40]
Dusty Slay
Hanging out with Charles Manson, all that's a recipe for disaster.
- [08:44]
Adam Carolla
Well, the Charles Manson story is the Dennis Wilson. So youngest brother's Dennis. He plays the drums. They're all kind of musical savants and geniuses. Carl Wilson is doing all this singing and playing and stuff, but a little backgroundy. And it's always Brian Wilson, but Brian Wilson and Carl the brother, they weren't Beach Boys. They didn't surf. They didn't. The Beach Boys didn't. Every song was about surfing, but they didn't surf. But Dennis Wilson, the young brother, did and was always in the ocean and was always surfing and was kind of a madman and. And was also physically different. Like very good looking, very striking, very fit, loved the ladies and was always on a surfboard. And he's the guy who picked up the hitchhikers who turned out to be the Manson girls.
- [09:46]
Dusty Slay
Okay?
- [09:47]
Adam Carolla
And. I don't know, tell me how much this would muss with your head, Dusty. You pick up hitchhiking girls. It's California, it's the 60s. Hot, young, barefoot chicks hitchhiking. You're rich. You're in the Beach Boys. You got a big house but no real schedule. You like to party. So you pick up these chicks, right? And you go to them. This guy Dennis had a guru to meditate with and stuff like that, but it's cocaine by night and meditation by day.
- [10:25]
Dusty Slay
You know, like, settle out.
- [10:25]
Adam Carolla
They're trying to even out a little bit, right? So the girls say to him, oh, we got our own guru. And he's like, who's your guru? His name is Charlie Manson, and he writes songs. So he gets together with Dennis, and Dennis is trying to introduce him to record producers and stuff. Now, at some point, you know, Charles Manson is, you know, not a great songwriter. So Dennis is going to try to help Mount set him up with a record producer, but the record producer rejects him. The record producer used to live in the house that Sharon Tate was living in with Roman Polanski and all the other Abigail Folger and all this stuff. Manson is such a nut that. Can you imagine a dusty slay? I got rejected. So you just send over a band of people to stab the executive over at Netflix or Comedy Central.
- [11:26]
Dusty Slay
I can imagine having the thought.
- [11:28]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, we've all had the thought, but I Mean, I couldn't imagine, like, oh, Kathleen Shelley over there at Comedy Central didn't pick up my pilot. All right, let's have her eliminated. Yeah, that was literally. That's how he rolled. Like, that guy who's a record producer was not gonna sign me and he heard my demo tape. He wasn't impressed. So he just sent Tex and the girls over there. Well, just go Stab. Now I don't know what their vetting process is, and I feel like a cell phone would have prevented all of this because Tex would have got to the house and went, what's this producer look like again? He's a middle aged, balding white guy. Okay. Cuz I got a 26 year old blonde pregnant. Well, that's not him.
- [12:17]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, like Texas. Like, we can't go back to the ranch not stabbing somebody.
- [12:23]
Adam Carolla
I get it. But you've come here to essentially assassinate as retribution to a record producer who spurned you. But none of these people are that person, and it's pretty easy to tell. They're all just young kids. So shouldn't the text if he had a cell phone. I'm just saying his name is Text.
- [12:49]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, it could have been. He could have text, could have texted and.
- [12:52]
Adam Carolla
And got right back.
- [12:54]
Dusty Slay
But they were probably on a lot of peyote and like, I don't know. I don't know what that's like, but who know? They walked into the house, it seems like they went wild. I read a lot about it. They went wild in there. They painted in blood on the walls. I mean, they went in in a frenzy.
- [13:09]
Adam Carolla
I always had this bit that never worked and I never even really tried, but I was always trying to picture. It was kind of a Bob Newhart bit where he plays the submarine commander or something. You're playing both ends. I always pictured the conversation between Tex and Charlie that led to the stabbing spree. And Charlie would come in and Tex, how you doing? Give me a minute. I'm still being blown by this underage runaway we just picked up. Yeah, okay. All right, I'm done. Come on in. And then Charlie would come in and go, listen, Tex, I got a plan. And Tex was like, pick up more hot underage runaways and bang them on some free land in a cabin over here while they shoplift for us. No, no, no. This one's different. I don't know. I don't know how it could get much better than this. We're just picking up hot chicks that are from Iowa and Nebraska, and they're all here and they hate Their dads and they're putting out sexually and we're gang banging and they're doing our bidding and we're just laying around at the Spahn Ranch eating free, getting fed grapes. These chicks go out, they shoplift for us and they come back, we fuck em and then they go back out and shoplift more food. No, no, no. We gotta go stab people. Well isn't that gonna bring a lot of heat on us? Like right now we got a pretty good thing going, you know?
- [14:33]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, you gotta think. He's like, ah, Charlie in this music. He's always just thinking this music is gonna do it.
- [14:39]
Adam Carolla
It's stabbing. It's music. What I'm saying is we're just getting blown by hot runaway chicks right now who are stealing food for us. And we're living off the fat of the land. It's the summer love. Come on man. What do we, what do we. Why do we gotta interrupt this with stabbing? I know, we're doing so good.
- [14:58]
Dusty Slay
He's like, I need the music, I need the record deal.
- [15:02]
Adam Carolla
You know what? After you get blown by another runaway, you can pick up the guitar and you can strum away and you have a built in audience right here. It's all runaway.
- [15:10]
Dusty Slay
You already have all the things that the record deal could give you, right?
- [15:14]
Adam Carolla
You got groupies giving you sex free room and board on the Spawn Ranch over here. They're out doing all the heavy lift and stealing all the food, doing all the dumpster diving. We're just hanging out here, man. Cock of the walk. Why? If we start stabbing, the next thing you know there's going to be black and whites rolling up on us. We're going to be on the lam. What is. Can we just put the stabbing off for like a year?
- [15:41]
Dusty Slay
I think you got to blame Tex Texas. Who's to blame? He should have went back and go. He wasn't there.
- [15:47]
Adam Carolla
You're right.
- [15:47]
Dusty Slay
Wasn't there.
- [15:48]
Adam Carolla
Right. And by the way, after that they're like. Then Charlie's like, all right, well let's go to another house in another neighborhood and just kill the LaBianca family. And Tex had to go, well, they're definitely not music producers. They own grocery stores like they own grocery stores, Charlie. Nothing. They can't produce albums. Well, they produce. They have produce, but they don't produce.
- [16:14]
Dusty Slay
He's like, we gotta kill somebody.
- [16:16]
Adam Carolla
And Tex had to go, look, 10 minutes ago I was being blown by a runaway while you were strumming your guitar. And we're living on Spahn Ranch now. We're just randomly going to people's houses and stabbing them. I think we got a pretty good deal going on. Yeah.
- [16:33]
Dusty Slay
He's like, nobody likes your music, but we can handle it when we got all this other stuff going on. Nobody likes it.
- [16:40]
Adam Carolla
Well, listen, everyone here is so fucking high. They don't know the difference between you and Jim Croce. Just fucking start playing. You got a built in audience. You got a chick named Squeaky. I don't even know what her real name is. This is awesome. Where are we going with this? Yeah, I got the beginning part, sure. The guy didn't produce your album. It's time to kill him. I understood that. But when he wasn't home, I mean, that's kind of where it has to end. I can't go to the LaBianca family and just stab people own grocery stores. What are they doing?
- [17:11]
Dusty Slay
Maybe he was just going down the list. He's like, you know, they didn't give me a job before this record label thing.
- [17:16]
Adam Carolla
Oh, the labiancas?
- [17:18]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. He's like, I wanted a job at the grocery store.
- [17:20]
Adam Carolla
I don't even know, like, how did they. I get the part where you go, this guy shunned my music and I've been insulted and now I'm gonna stab him. Where do the grocery store owners across town in Los Feliz, where do they fall into this?
- [17:41]
Dusty Slay
I don't know. I mean, maybe he got kicked out of the. Maybe the girls got caught stealing grapes.
- [17:47]
Adam Carolla
It's a strong possibility, but again, that's a lot of retribution for grapes.
- [17:51]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [17:52]
Adam Carolla
He's like, all right, so let me ask you, emotionally, spiritually, where you at? So Dennis. Dennis Wilson, the good looking, svelte, fun parting beach boy drummer, he introduces Charlie to the guy. Charlie gets, you know, and then next thing you know, he turns on the news and it's like, all these people gored to death with knives because of him. Now, not because of him. He didn't do it. But there's only one reason all those people are dead, and that's because Dennis introduced Charlie to the record producer who should have lived in that house. I don't know. Look, he sold the house like a year earlier, or he was out of town and renting it to them. You can look it up, Andrew.
- [18:44]
Dusty Slay
Like, I'm not co signing for anyone again, right? No longer middlemanning for anybody.
- [18:50]
Adam Carolla
Right? Now, I gotta believe that would weigh on you a little bit. Like, you might tend to do a little more drinking that night than you did the night before, right?
- [19:00]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I mean, I still have social interactions I regret.
- [19:05]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [19:05]
Dusty Slay
No one died.
- [19:07]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [19:07]
Dusty Slay
I just said something weird I wish I didn't say.
- [19:11]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, right, right. I do that too. Like, oh, you think back, I was drunk and I said the fucking stupid thing and I shouldn't have said that stupid thing, you know, and it still bothers you, but almost nobody ever got stabbed. Right?
- [19:21]
Dusty Slay
They might not even remember, much less.
- [19:24]
Adam Carolla
Oh, you remember. They don't.
- [19:25]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. But yeah, you got a whole family killed.
- [19:29]
Adam Carolla
Terry Melcher was the Ceelo Drive guy. And I don't know, like I said, if he sold the house or he did, but anyway, not a lot of great recon work done by Tex and the girls, you know what I mean? Cause you'd have to. The gu was a middle aged balding guy. These were a bunch of 26 year old models. Couldn't have confused it. But all right. He was the son of Doris Day. Wow. Okay. But all right, so now you're Dennis and you're watching the news and you're kind of blaming yourself for this whole thing, these introductions being made. And by the way, it shows the news. Cuz the news is like, well, they met Dennis and then Dennis introduced him to that guy. Everyone's dead.
- [20:16]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. If you invite Dennis over, you go, no friends, don't bring anybody that we don't know. Don't let Dennis introduce you to anybody.
- [20:24]
Adam Carolla
Right, right. So then later on, Dennis dies young, Dennis dies at 39. This is an interesting way to die, but just I know you used to do a little drinking and maybe some drugs back then back in the day. This sounds very. Drinking and drugging. He dies doing shallow like skin diving. I think he took his ex wife's junk and he literally like threw it in the bay.
- [20:57]
Dusty Slay
Okay.
- [20:58]
Adam Carolla
And then threw her out of the house and whatever. And then at some point later when he got drunk, he thought it would be a good idea to go down and get it.
- [21:07]
Dusty Slay
Okay. Yeah.
- [21:09]
Adam Carolla
But he did not come back up was the problem. He got drunk and he had drugs in him and he's like, I'm gonna go get this shit. You know, the earrings and the necklace and the urn and whatever my ex had, I threw it in the water and I'm gonna go get it. And he went to go get it and he didn't get back out.
- [21:26]
Dusty Slay
Do you think he needed money? He was going down to get it or you think he was trying to get her back?
- [21:31]
Adam Carolla
It felt. I don't think he needed the money. I think it was a kind of a Booze related. You know, it basically drunk dialing, but in the ocean.
- [21:41]
Dusty Slay
Right? He's gonna show up at the house with the earrings.
- [21:44]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [21:45]
Dusty Slay
Like I got this back.
- [21:46]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I mean, there's something. Let's see. Rudolph Antebelli owned the house and rented it to Terry Melcher. Okay, so he rented it to the producer. And Candice Bergen. By the way, Candice Bergen was a pretty good girlfriend to have in 1968 and a half. All right, so Edgar Bergen's daughter, which is weird. The ventriloquist. Masa Chips. Here's something you probably didn't know back in the day. Every chip and every fry, they were all cooked in tallow. Not the seed oil junk. Yeah, you've heard about that. Now it's all seed oil and that ain't good for you. So then Sometime in the 90s, big companies swapped that out, the tallow for the cheap, highly processed seed oils. And now seed oils are sneaking into everything. Read the label, everything's got seed oil. 20% of the average American's calories are coming from seed oil. And that's why the folks at Masa, well, they stepped in. They made awesome tortilla chips with zero seed oils. There's no snack that does not. It's not infused with seed oils these days. But Masa. No. The ingredients, organic. Nick's tamalized corn, some sea salt and 100% grass fed beef tallow. And this stuff is so good. I mean, it's weird because usually when you do a healthier version of something, it doesn't taste as good. This tastes even better. I eat them all the time. Real ingredients, real flavor, real satisfaction. Am I right, Dawson? Masa Chips is beloved by thousands of customers and has been endorsed by industry leading health and nutrition experts. Ready to give Masa a try? Go to masachips.com corolla and use code Corolla for 25% off your first order. That's masachips.com Corolla and code Corolla for 25% off YOUR first order. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv Stream now. Pay never. All right, so anyway, the labiancas were just killed randomly so that the fuzz would think there was random killing going on and that it wasn't connected to Manson and his record producer and stuff like that.
- [24:34]
Dusty Slay
It was already pretty random because it wasn't the record producer.
- [24:37]
Adam Carolla
I would say if I was the LaBianca family and I was arguing for my life, I'd go, you wanna talk random? Let's talk Sharon tate over there, 26, pregnant. Abigail Folger, the heiress to the Folger. The other guys, the hair. We're already at random. If you guys are looking to cover random, we're covered, bro.
- [25:00]
Dusty Slay
It sounds like he was trying to really shut the grocery industry down. You're getting the Folgers air, you're getting the La Bianca's. You're really going to.
- [25:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, next we go to the Jif peanut butter estate. Yeah, we're gonna get it all shut down. We'll start a war. We'll start a market war, we'll start a race war. And then an intermarket war.
- [25:22]
Dusty Slay
Get a little farm going out on the ranch.
- [25:24]
Adam Carolla
That's right, we're gonna compete now.
- [25:27]
Dusty Slay
So ventriloquist daughters.
- [25:30]
Adam Carolla
So Dennis dies in the ocean and then they fish his body out of the ocean. But here's the weird part. Since he is the only beach boy that surfed all the time and was constantly in the water, his wish is to be buried at sea. And when I first read it, I was sort of like, all right, cremate him, you throw the ashes. No, no, not cremated. Buried at sea.
- [26:02]
Dusty Slay
Okay.
- [26:03]
Adam Carolla
Which first off, he just tried to bury himself at sea. It didn't work. He was one cinder block away from realizing his dream. Right. So we have a law. There is no, you're not allowed to be buried at sea unless you're in the Coast Guard or like in the Navy or something. Which is another weird law.
- [26:24]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [26:25]
Adam Carolla
But we will make exceptions. I, I and Andrew, you gotta look it up. Because I don't know what's involved with a sea burial. It's not being pushed off the back of a boat. I mean, you gotta, you gotta be weighted down.
- [26:40]
Dusty Slay
So they gotta bring this guy up, they gotta join him to the army, the Navy, and then put him back in the water. You gotta bring him out of the water just to bury him in.
- [26:50]
Adam Carolla
Back in the water. Yeah, he was done. We were done here. But you, you, you pulled him out. But okay, now some reason, his ex wife. No, his wife, who he's estranged from because this guy had a lot of issues with ladies. It was his wife, his estranged wife. That said he's 39. So I don't know how the will works, but they go, these are his wishes. The rest of the Family's like, no, we'd like to put him in an urn or do like a regular burial. And she's like, no, he wanted to be buried at sea. Who knows if he wanted to be buried at sea. That could have just been her. Maybe she was fucking around. Cuz he drowned at sea. But he said, she said, he wants to be buried at sea. And then the government got involved and said, no, we don't do that unless you're Coast Guard and Ronald Reagan President, was he? California governor in 1980. You can look it up. Ronald Reagan said now we can bury him at sea.
- [27:59]
Dusty Slay
Wow.
- [27:59]
Adam Carolla
He like overrode the Coast Guard, which is pretty cool as a politician, you know, like cutting the ribbon in a new parking lot or something is fine, but overriding the coast guard and burying one of the beach boys at sea in his entirety.
- [28:17]
Dusty Slay
And how long did this happen? I mean he had to come up, his body's decomposing. The President had to get involved quick.
- [28:23]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Jerry Brown was the governor, so he must have what was right, Was he the. Must have been the president. First term, 1980. Yeah, right then. Okay, so here are the rules. The water depth must be at least 600ft. Cuz 500 would never do.
- [28:40]
Dusty Slay
No, no.
- [28:44]
Adam Carolla
I'm convinced the 600ft. See I have this theory in life, like it's like when the plumber goes, it's gonna be $1,379. 81. It's like, because if he said 1500, you just go, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, but if they get real specific, you're like, yeah, you thought about this. 600 goes like, okay, they know what they're doing. 500 is like you just pulled it out of your ass. Right.
- [29:08]
Dusty Slay
Six feet on Earth, 600 in the water multiplies by 100.
- [29:13]
Adam Carolla
So it's gotta be, the water's gotta be at least 600 non cremated remains in depth. Requires very certain locations because you don't want the kids to be inner tubing the following day. And hit one of The Beach Boys 600ft down, come loose of his mooring and it's floated up to the top. That could be a little trauma.
- [29:34]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, they're like another Wilson brother looking for treasure.
- [29:38]
Adam Carolla
So then there is. You get slid off the plank. But here's the question. In the coffin you're wearing a three piece suit, Are you wearing board shorts like in the sea burial? Like look, if you're in the marines, you're in the navy, you're wearing your dress blues or whatever. What Are you wearing. If you're. If you're Dennis Wilson, are you in a suit?
- [30:05]
Dusty Slay
I gotta think you're in a Hawaiian shirt. You're Beach Boy.
- [30:09]
Adam Carolla
Oh, Hawaiian shirt. Yeah.
- [30:10]
Dusty Slay
You wanna be buried at sea? Yeah.
- [30:12]
Adam Carolla
Board shorts, Hawaiian shirt, and a Mike Love hat. Mike Love hat that says Beach Boys on.
- [30:17]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [30:17]
Adam Carolla
Now. But then here's the Mike Love. Every hat he wears says Beach Boys on, so. And then they have to prepare the body. Right.
- [30:34]
Dusty Slay
You would think, but, I mean, if he drowned, I feel like it's already prepared.
- [30:39]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but, I mean, it's already been brined. Yeah, but okay, if you're in the Coast Guard and you die, but not at sea, you just die in a whorehouse in Bangkok or something, they bury you at sea. Do they prep you? Like, oh, okay, you get a metal casket that's drilled with holes. So you get a heavy casket. So you get put in a casket, you slide out. The casket goes to Davy Jones locker and it's got holes in it.
- [31:15]
Dusty Slay
Okay.
- [31:15]
Adam Carolla
And eventually you decompose.
- [31:19]
Dusty Slay
Okay. So, I mean. Yeah, maybe that's what they did. I mean, I would think you just, you know, you tie some blocks around him and then let the fish eat them.
- [31:28]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I mean, that's very Mafioso. You know what I mean? That's not official Coast Guard protocol. You know, we need 600ft. We need a casket, a metal casket that's been drilled out.
- [31:41]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. So there are just a lot of metal caskets at the bottom of the ocean.
- [31:46]
Adam Carolla
I would say there is, but once you get past 200ft, it's not a lot of free diving going on, so not a lot of people running into it. But Ballard, who found the Titanic. Wonder if I present him with his next challenge? Find Dennis Wilson's casket.
- [32:07]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah. So was there a video? I mean, I don't know. Maybe there's no video, but is there video of him being rested at sea?
- [32:15]
Adam Carolla
Well, yeah, from outside. They didn't put a GoPro on, if that's what you're asking.
- [32:21]
Dusty Slay
That would be sad that I would watch.
- [32:25]
Adam Carolla
I'd stream the shit out of that, right?
- [32:27]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [32:30]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. So he kept. Not only was he the only beach boy who surfed and spent a lot of time in the ocean, he got buried at sea, which, again, only. Only Ronald Reagan can greenlight that shit.
- [32:47]
Dusty Slay
I mean, that's pretty impressive for the president to get involved on your thing.
- [32:50]
Adam Carolla
I also like that they got that kind of time, you know what I mean? Like, he's there and he's going, all right, hey, Listen, President Reagan, we got something to work on. Well, I was working on getting those hostages free from Iran. Yeah, yeah, let's. Back burner that. That can wait. Those 589 souls can. Hang on for a second. You like the Beach Boys? Yeah, I do. You know their drummer, Dennis? Yeah. He wants to be buried at sea. All right. But this is going to take a lot of paperwork, so let's just get to the hostage negotiation stuff. We can do it next week. Let's really just fast track this Brian Wilson. Sorry. Dennis Wilson, burial at sea business. And everyone seen my metal casket.
- [33:35]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Maybe he was like, well, now that Dennis is gone, we'll have no more of these Manson attacks. So this is worth it. It's worth it to make sure his body's far away.
- [33:46]
Adam Carolla
That's right. And if you either produce coffee or run chains of grocery stores or are starlets married to guys who are. Who shall flee the country soon.
- [33:59]
Dusty Slay
Or renting a house that used to belong to the murderer's enemy.
- [34:03]
Adam Carolla
Right, Right.
- [34:04]
Dusty Slay
Just in the wrong house.
- [34:05]
Adam Carolla
That had to be a rough stretch for Roman Polanski. Like, a rough. Like, rough. Like 31 months. Like, one minute he's in a sports car, he's going to the Playboy Mansion. He's got his hot girlfriend next to him. She's pregnant. The world. Rosemary's Babies just came out in the theater. He's fucking riding the crest of life. Next thing you know, he's fleeing to another country. His girlfriend's been stabbed to death. His unborn child died as well. And he's being brought up on charges. Like. That was a pretty.
- [34:37]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [34:37]
Adam Carolla
You know, you think P. Diddy had a rough couple of years. This is kind of. This is P. Diddy Plus, Right. Like, P. Diddy still in this country. And Cassie hasn't been stabbed to death with his unborn child in her.
- [34:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Yeah. Makes the. Yeah. I mean, that makes the present look a lot less harsh than the old days.
- [34:58]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [34:59]
Dusty Slay
I mean. Yeah.
- [35:00]
Adam Carolla
I mean, if P. Diddy ever starts feeling a little down and a little blue, I would say, let me tell you the story of Roman Polanski.
- [35:10]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And, you know, also a record producer. There was another Wilt. There was another beach boy to introduce him to a guy. He's like. He's been living in the desert for a while.
- [35:22]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [35:22]
Dusty Slay
But he's got a couple of songs. He wants to make the band.
- [35:28]
Adam Carolla
Do you know that Tex sired, I think, four kids from prison?
- [35:35]
Dusty Slay
Wow.
- [35:36]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Because you got to keep that bloodline going.
- [35:38]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [35:38]
Adam Carolla
That's. That's the kind of. No, Tex Ritter.
- [35:42]
Dusty Slay
Who's Tex Ritter? That's an actor, huh?
- [35:44]
Adam Carolla
Tex Ritter is John. Oh, shit. All right, all right. Hold on one second.
- [35:52]
Dusty Slay
Sorry, I didn't mean to bring this.
- [35:53]
Adam Carolla
Tex Watson. Is that one okay? Tex Ritter's a singing actor. Cowboy star. Who's John Ritter's dad?
- [36:01]
Dusty Slay
I did not mean to shame Tex Ritter like that.
- [36:04]
Adam Carolla
Or what about the late, great John Ritter?
- [36:06]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [36:08]
Adam Carolla
Buried at sea.
- [36:09]
Dusty Slay
Wow.
- [36:10]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. People don't know that.
- [36:11]
Dusty Slay
I didn't know that.
- [36:13]
Adam Carolla
Nobody knew that now, but Reagan phoned it in. Yeah.
- [36:16]
Dusty Slay
I mean, the presidents are getting involved. John Ritter was great. Three's company now.
- [36:21]
Adam Carolla
Oh. See, this is what I've seen. If the casket is not used, the body should always be wrapped in a biodegradable shroud and weighted down to. To ensure it sinks.
- [36:37]
Dusty Slay
Yes. That's my method.
- [36:40]
Adam Carolla
My thing. Here'd be my thing. Cause I'm kind of thrifty. I'm not a little bit frugal, but I'm practical. Like, I'm super practical.
- [36:48]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [36:49]
Adam Carolla
And I think you are, too. I've heard your stuff. You think you want to be pragmatic. If I was involved with Dennis Wilson's sea burial, some would go out and go, all right, well, I just spent 700 bucks on a metal casket with holes in it. I would go, well, you know, there's a much cheaper, more efficient way to do this. We can put them in biogradable material and then weight him with, like, a couple of cinder blocks. I mean, so far, what are we into this? 18 bucks now? And by the way, that metal. Cool. That metal caskets make a fucking killer cooler. That's a great cooler. It's got holes in it. The water will drain. We'll put it in the back.
- [37:29]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. As melts, it comes right out. Yeah.
- [37:32]
Adam Carolla
No one enjoyed a cold one more than Dennis. You know what I mean? Like, that'll be our homage every Fourth of July when we hit the casket cooler and grab a cold one. We'll think. Yeah, we'll think of Dennis.
- [37:44]
Dusty Slay
I say, why even have the biodegradable material? Just the blocks and the guy. Just have the guy.
- [37:50]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I don't know.
- [37:51]
Dusty Slay
Dropping. Let the fish eat him on the way down.
- [37:54]
Kim Whitley
Yeah.
- [37:54]
Adam Carolla
I don't know what we need with the banana peels or corn husk or whatever. I don't know why we need to do that. Just weight them down.
- [38:02]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Let it go. Let the animals eat on it. I think it's great. I don't know why we're not Doing that with all bodies. To be honest, I don't even know if we have cemeteries.
- [38:11]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of. We could have a lot more golf courses if we got rid of those pesky cemeteries.
- [38:16]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Put some stone masons out of work.
- [38:19]
Adam Carolla
But yeah, but you know, listen. And people go. Well, people want to go visit with their Nana. Well, how come? How about every time you go to Malibu, you're with Nana? Every time you go to Venice beach, you're with Nana.
- [38:31]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Get more vacations. You go, let's go to the beach, visit Nana.
- [38:35]
Adam Carolla
Visit Nana. Actually, I'll go take a piss in her grave site. Yeah. Cause I got a piss. Right. Yeah, I agree with you. Let's put them all in the ocean. Okay, what do we do? Because in like Portland and Seattle, they're always looking for ways to dispose of people in an economic, environmental way. And they drop them. They're now burying them standing up.
- [38:55]
Dusty Slay
Oh, I didn't know about this.
- [38:57]
Adam Carolla
Oh, they get like an auger bit and a caisson rig and they just drill down 7ft and they just stand you up in there.
- [39:04]
Dusty Slay
Wow.
- [39:04]
Adam Carolla
There's a lot more room.
- [39:05]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [39:06]
Adam Carolla
You know what I mean?
- [39:07]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah.
- [39:08]
Kim Whitley
I don't.
- [39:09]
Dusty Slay
The casket industry is out of control anyway. I don't know why we're doing that. Let's just put body straight in the water or in the ground planet.
- [39:16]
Adam Carolla
I know, I agree with you. You know, Ashes to Ashes and Dusty to Dusty. Yeah, Next special name right there. You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome.
- [39:27]
Dusty Slay
Be my last special. Ashes to Ashes, Dusty to Dusty.
- [39:31]
Adam Carolla
So you put them in the ocean, you feed the ocean.
- [39:37]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [39:37]
Adam Carolla
The body decomposes. Nothing's gonna get you faster than salt water and coralfish and you're just gone. And we saved a ton of money. And there's no formaldehyde or pollutants or any of that going into the ground, getting into the groundwater.
- [39:52]
Dusty Slay
No need for undertakers and creepy cold handed guys at the funeral home.
- [39:58]
Adam Carolla
Right? Yeah, you're right.
- [39:59]
Dusty Slay
And if we do it in the ground, even you could plant trees. And then it could be like a, you know, you could call it the haunted forest.
- [40:06]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
- [40:07]
Dusty Slay
And then it could be a tourist attraction.
- [40:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I like, I say in the ground, standing up. If you're landlocked, you know, where are you from?
- [40:16]
Dusty Slay
I'm from Alabama. And so we got a little coast.
- [40:18]
Adam Carolla
You got a little coast.
- [40:19]
Dusty Slay
But I live in Tennessee now. We're totally landlocked.
- [40:21]
Adam Carolla
All right, so in Tennessee and other landlocked states, you go in the ground. Standing up.
- [40:26]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [40:27]
Adam Carolla
On your feet.
- [40:28]
Dusty Slay
We got a lot of caves in Tennessee. I say you just set people up like a museum. Catacombs, like France, like a wax museum. You just walk through and here's bodies just everywhere.
- [40:39]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You know, you're taking what was a pretty reasonable idea and getting a little macabre. Maybe that's your way, Dusty. But I'm just saying I'm pitching a legitimate solution here. You're turning into not Scary Farm.
- [40:51]
Dusty Slay
Well, this is what I do. You make it simple, and then you start to get wild with it.
- [40:55]
Adam Carolla
The sea burial is good.
- [40:57]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [40:57]
Adam Carolla
I want to know, is there any other famous person that got buried at sea who was not. Not in the Coast Guard or the Navy? Like, was Papa John Phillips from the Mamas and the Papas buried at sea? Is there somebody else or is this pretty much Dennis and that's it?
- [41:21]
Dusty Slay
Maybe all surfers. What about professional surfers? Are they getting sea burials?
- [41:27]
Adam Carolla
Oh, surfers do the thing that they should do. And this is another good argument for the sea burial, because I guarantee they did this at some point. They all paddle out and then they get into a big circle and they do the ashes or they scatter the rosebud leaves. You know, whatever they do the ceremony, it's majestic, you know, so if you were buried at sea, because right now you're at Forest Lawn and they're all paddling out in the bay, that doesn't make sense from a geographical standpoint. You don't want to be in the ocean.
- [42:03]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. What happens to ashes in the water? Does it just go away or is it part of the sea foam?
- [42:09]
Adam Carolla
Well, as somebody who lives in Malibu and has vast experience with ashes, because every single structure in my neighborhood burned to the ground. It just goes out into the ocean. But I'm going to do you. I'll do you one better. Why are we just waiting for these bodies to decompose? Like, why aren't we whacking them up? Bringing up a nice chum slick of remembrance, you know?
- [42:34]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [42:34]
Adam Carolla
Bringing up some world class mako trophy fish. You know what I mean? Like pulling up trophy fish.
- [42:39]
Dusty Slay
Oh, you mean fishing with them?
- [42:41]
Adam Carolla
I mean fishing with them.
- [42:43]
Dusty Slay
That'd be something. I like that. Let's like. Yeah. I mean, why waste all of this good meat? We don't want to eat it. But we could.
- [42:53]
Adam Carolla
We could bring up some world class trophy fish.
- [42:56]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [42:57]
Adam Carolla
Now you got to find that crank anchors bit. I did a crank anchors bit a million years ago where I was calling one of these sea Burial places where they took your ashes and they scattered them. And I was asking if I could rent out the boat and scatter the ashes and stuff, but it was also clear I wanted to fish. And they kept telling me, you're not allowed to fish. And I was like, yeah, no, but. Nah, for sure, but I'll just bring my tackle. They're like, you are not allowed to fish. And the whole bit was I wanted them to commit to letting me fish. Cause the guy was cremated. The guy died, like, fishing a lot. But it also makes sense. That's probably the way the guy would have wanted it, right?
- [43:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. A little finger on the hook. Instead of a worm, you just kind of thread the hook with a little finger.
- [43:57]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I'm not saying cut him up, but I'm saying as long as we've chartered a boat for half a day. We got a half day boat, right?
- [44:06]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [44:07]
Adam Carolla
You should be able to bring my gear.
- [44:08]
Dusty Slay
Right? It's not gonna take all day to dump him.
- [44:11]
Adam Carolla
No, that's 10 minutes.
- [44:13]
Dusty Slay
And what are you gonna do? Yeah. You're already out there.
- [44:15]
Adam Carolla
You've already paid for the vessel.
- [44:17]
Dusty Slay
What harm is it to throw a line out?
- [44:19]
Adam Carolla
He would have wanted it that way. He probably loved fishing.
- [44:24]
Dusty Slay
And why weren't you allowed to fish while you were out there?
- [44:28]
Adam Carolla
There are protocols surrounding death.
- [44:31]
Dusty Slay
Okay.
- [44:34]
Adam Carolla
We live in a weird society, you know, like, we live in a society. I looked it up the other day. We're cockfighting. You know, chicken fighting. Cockfighting's illegal. We.
- [44:48]
Dusty Slay
Which is a shame.
- [44:49]
Adam Carolla
We eat 17,000 chickens a minute. A minute.
- [44:53]
Dusty Slay
Wow.
- [44:54]
Adam Carolla
17,000. But this is. It's illegal to let them fight, but we literally eat like 14 million of them a day.
- [45:03]
Dusty Slay
Wow.
- [45:04]
Adam Carolla
But human fighting is legal, and we.
- [45:08]
Dusty Slay
Can'T eat any of those.
- [45:10]
Adam Carolla
Oh, it's frowned upon. Oh, we got the clip. This is my character trying to convince.
- [45:18]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah.
- [45:19]
Adam Carolla
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- [47:22]
Kim Whitley
This is Judy.
- [47:23]
Adam Carolla
Can I help you, Judy? My name is Burcham. You guys do the low cost sea burials? Yes, we do. All right, My uncle lives in the Portland area and he just passed today and it was his wishes to be scattered out over the bay. But let me ask you this. Once you're on the boat, what do you do?
- [47:44]
Dusty Slay
Basically, you have the boat for an hour. So you can do a service on.
- [47:47]
Adam Carolla
The boat if you want. And what about if you drop the ashes early? You had a little time to kill. Could you do some sport fishing? No. All right, well, I'll tell you what, do you guys. Does this come with a preacher or a priest or anything or.
- [48:03]
Dusty Slay
No, you supply all that and that.
- [48:04]
Adam Carolla
Would be within your 30 guests.
- [48:06]
Dusty Slay
It comes with the skipper and the.
- [48:07]
Adam Carolla
Deck cam and that's it. So that's all right. I'll bring my first mate, Gus, the g frocked Jesuit. He knows all the religions. They'll do that. And we'll just take the boat for an hour and then just do a little sport fishing. Right?
- [48:22]
Dusty Slay
The deckhand and the captain will not allow fishing on an ashes to sea.
- [48:27]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but the spirit of the mariner, I mean, if I grease their palms a little bit. Yeah, understand I'm grieving, don't get me wrong, but I'm just coming all the way out there to Oregon and my wife's in a horrible way and I was supposed to go fishing this weekend anyway. You understand? It's the way I grieve. It's the way I cope with the pain.
- [48:44]
Dusty Slay
Okay, there's still no fishing on an Ashes to Sea.
- [48:48]
Adam Carolla
Even if it's not off a rod, even if it's just a drop line, there's no fishing on an Ashes to Sea. All right, well, listen, I'll tell you what. We'll come down there, I'll bring my rig just to play it safe. Not saying it's going into the water, just gonna bring it along and we'll see how it goes. Okay? You guys sell bait? No. You got weights, you got all the tackle.
- [49:11]
Dusty Slay
They're not gonna rig a pole for you.
- [49:13]
Adam Carolla
How much is the cremation? I don't do cremations. You'll have to talk to the funeral home in Portland. It's gotta be expensive. We can't just slide him off. No. Take a couple of five gallon milk cartons, fill him with water, use some zip ties around his feet and just toss them in. No. Well, who's gonna know?
- [49:31]
Dusty Slay
I will know and the skipper will know. And that's illegal to do off their boat.
- [49:35]
Adam Carolla
Save myself some cremation money and we get to fishing, crack a few beers and enjoy it. That's the way you would have wanted it. Well, you'll have to call us with.
- [49:43]
Dusty Slay
A credit card and stuff when you make up your mind and make a reservation.
- [49:47]
Adam Carolla
All right. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. You've a hell of a way of dealing with the grieving.
- [49:51]
Kim Whitley
Bye.
- [49:52]
Adam Carolla
Bye. How about I dice them up? We got a nice Chum Slick going.
- [49:57]
Dusty Slay
I love her attitude. This lady is like. It's like she's heard this every day.
- [50:02]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. There are ones that would engage and others that just go, no, no.
- [50:10]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I mean, she's no nonsense. Like, she's like, I'm.
- [50:14]
Adam Carolla
She's literally no nonsense. Like that. That should be her nickname. Yeah. Nancy no Nonsense Jackson. Like, she. No one likes no better than her.
- [50:23]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. She's like, you're not gonna do that.
- [50:25]
Adam Carolla
You're not gonna do it. Yeah. I wanna live in a world where I got the boat for an hour. I paid for an hour.
- [50:32]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And let me handle the body however I wanna do it. If I want to burn it. If. If I wanna do that, I'll do that.
- [50:38]
Adam Carolla
If not, I get that part. But why can't I drop a line?
- [50:42]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [50:44]
Adam Carolla
We cremate the guy, we spread the ashes, we say a couple of fucking kind words, and now there's 51 minutes left on this water taxi.
- [50:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [50:55]
Adam Carolla
Tex Watson of the Manson family had four kids during conjugal visits.
- [51:03]
Dusty Slay
Different women. Or was it one woman?
- [51:05]
Adam Carolla
It's a good question. Also, it's gotta be nice for the elderly mother of Sharon Tate. Like you had one daughter, right? Yeah. You got gored by this guy. But don't worry, he has four kids.
- [51:16]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [51:16]
Adam Carolla
Maybe he from before. This is from after he killed your daughter. Yeah.
- [51:20]
Dusty Slay
Maybe if you brutally murder someone, you don't get conjugal visits.
- [51:25]
Adam Carolla
Well, nature or nurture, I don't want that bloodline passed along. You know what I mean? Like, maybe, maybe we're, you know, maybe it's not a great pedigree.
- [51:37]
Dusty Slay
I just don't. Yeah. I mean, and I don't think you should get any reward for brutally murdering people. It's like, yeah, your wife wants to visit you. That's sweet, but you can do it, you know, behind glass.
- [51:49]
Adam Carolla
Well, you brought up Jeffrey Dahmer.
- [51:51]
Dusty Slay
Yes.
- [51:52]
Adam Carolla
In your, in your special, your acclaimed heralded special. Now, what you want, if you come from a family of serial killers, is a good basic last name, like Watson. Because when your last name is Dahmer and I say, my name is Steve Dahmer, then people go like the cannibal serial killer. But if I go, my name is Bob Watson. No one knows. No one's connect. There's too many Watsons.
- [52:23]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. There's other good Watsons. There's a balance.
- [52:28]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. There's a balance of good they've balanced out. There's only one Dahmer and it's a bad Dahmer, you know?
- [52:34]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. The Dahmer line. I guess all the other Dahmers started.
- [52:39]
Adam Carolla
Changing their names, but Thomas Edison's assistant was named Watson.
- [52:43]
Dusty Slay
Yes.
- [52:43]
Adam Carolla
So there you go. You could be related to him.
- [52:47]
Dusty Slay
Like if I killed people, probably the other slaves would go on to change their name.
- [52:54]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [52:54]
Dusty Slay
There's not a lot of sleighs out here.
- [52:56]
Adam Carolla
No.
- [52:57]
Dusty Slay
And if you're known as a murderer and your last name Slay.
- [53:01]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [53:01]
Dusty Slay
You start changing it.
- [53:02]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Maybe just get married real quick.
- [53:04]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [53:05]
Adam Carolla
And drop the maiden.
- [53:06]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And hope for all girls.
- [53:08]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Hitler is probably the top of that. That list.
- [53:14]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. There weren't. It seems like there were no other Hitlers. There were some other Adolfs, I think, but there were no.
- [53:20]
Adam Carolla
One of the greatest Adolf's of all time, Adolf Coors.
- [53:24]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah. The Coors Light.
- [53:25]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah.
- [53:26]
Dusty Slay
The Coors family. Yeah.
- [53:28]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I wonder if you said, like, I'm gonna put you on the spot here. What if I said, look, you have a magic wand and there could never be a man named Adolf ever born. And that would get rid of Adolf Hitler, but it would also Mean, we don't have Kors. You'd have to think about that.
- [53:47]
Dusty Slay
It'd be tough because I. The Coors original, the Banquet beer, I would call it Coors Heavy. Yeah, that was a good beer.
- [53:55]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [53:55]
Dusty Slay
I used to love a Coors Heavy.
- [53:57]
Adam Carolla
Did you ever. I've toured the facility.
- [54:00]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah.
- [54:01]
Adam Carolla
Golden, Colorado.
- [54:02]
Dusty Slay
I met the Coors guy, I think, in. In Vegas one time. I did a country music show, and I think Coors was a sponsor.
- [54:09]
Adam Carolla
It's impressive when you go to a factory or you go to a vineyard, like, where they make wine and they go like. We harvest the grapes by hand and we put them in a basket and then we bring them over here. And it has to be just the right temperature and the right soil and the right off sea air, breeze and everything and all that. And then when it's all done or Jack Daniels, they go. It ferments in a barrel for 10 years, and we have to rotate the barrels because there was a char them and stuff like that. They're oak barrels that we get from France, you know, and they're char. And at some point you go, you're charging $19 for a bottle. You should be like $2,700 for a fucking. A can of Coors should be $3,500.
- [55:00]
Dusty Slay
So much goes into it.
- [55:01]
Adam Carolla
So we get the yeast and then this. The ferment kettles over here, and then we transfer the ones over and then we. That dementia. You got a bottle and ship, and you're charging seven bucks for a six pack. Like, yeah, it should be $1,200.
- [55:19]
Dusty Slay
There's a Johnny Paycheck song called Colorado Kool Aid, and he's really breaking it down and he makes Coors sound so good in that song. And I went to a distillery. I think that's where it is, where you make bourbon. I have not drank in 13 years, but that's the closest I came to wanting to drink. When you smell it in there, y. Ah, it feels good. A lot goes into it, and it should cost more.
- [55:44]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's. It's like everything you buy on Amazon, like, you get piece of outdoor furniture for like $41, and you're like, it should really be more than this. Anyone who complains about being poor, fuck right off. When we were poor, we were poor. Yeah, you didn't have to much.
- [56:03]
Dusty Slay
Now there's so much now you could get anything you want instantly.
- [56:06]
Adam Carolla
And.
- [56:07]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, well, back in the day, it was hard to get things.
- [56:10]
Adam Carolla
I should tell people that you can put The. Sorry. Yeah, texts. All from one woman, by the way. Tex Watson. One woman, four kids. Then they got divorced. I don't. Do you have to get divorced when someone's in prison for life? Or could you just kind of.
- [56:29]
Dusty Slay
Yes. If you want to get remarried, stop showing up like, hey, listen, my ex husband's in prison for brutally stabbing someone.
- [56:36]
Adam Carolla
But yeah, I went. Speaking of, we're on a morose macabre angle here today, but I went to Michael Matson's wake. Now, Michael Matson is the actor. Kill Bill, volume one and two. Donnie Brasco, Reservoir Dogs. Was he Mr. Pink or Mr. Blonde? Tall, good looking. Mr. Blonde. He stole the show. Yeah, I like him.
- [57:06]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [57:06]
Adam Carolla
Oh, the Doors movie, Sin City, Hateful Eight. He was great in Hateful eight two. He was just sitting there in the corner, said he was writing a book. Joe Gage, I think was his name. Species. Free Willy, Thelma and Louise, Wyatt Earp. He was great. He was a great guy, a great actor. Fun guy. And his wake was at the Vista Theater, which is a theater owned by Quentin Tarantino, and it was last week. And I have never been to Michael Matson's house and I've never been out to lunch with him and I've never spoken to him on the phone. He came in here one time. We got to figure out, Dawson, when was Michael Manson in here? I mean, it's been years. It's been years. He came in one time, I think, and he brought his son Christian. And. Yeah, I need. All right, anyway, I sit back. June 2012. June 2012. Jesus Christ. Actually, the end of May. May 31st. Well, that makes it a totally different kettle of fish now. So you're gonna sweat, you're gonna shave two days. No, the show aired on June 1st. Yeah, he is well over 10 years since he was in here, right?
- [58:33]
Dusty Slay
Yes.
- [58:35]
Adam Carolla
Now his. His. His son Christian came with him and he just sat where you're sitting and we had a good time. Like a lot of laughs. And he was doing this Nick Nolte impersonation. It was really fucking funny. And I just thought, oh, that was fun. That was a fun guy. I was a fan of his work and it was years and years and years ago, and I don't think I talked to him since in the studio or outside the studio. And once in a while, periodically, it would pop into my mind. I'd picture him doing his Nick Nolte voice and laughing. And then when I heard he died, I was like, oh, that's sad. That guy was funny. I remember being a Good. Now, assumed he has no memory of talking to me. He was Michael Mattson. I'd seen him on the big screen a bunch of times. And we can hear a second of that. I'm good friends with Nick Nolte, and he usually comes by my house with a great big roll of firecrackers. And I used to get stuff from American Soldier magazine or Soldier of Fortune magazine. They used to ups me fireworks. But, you know, now after 9, 11, I can't get him anymore. So hold on. I want to get into this for a second. Rockets and all kind of good stuff first, though. You can't do them anymore. Do you and Nick Nolte have some sort of gravelly voice off? Jesus Christ, Manson. I brought some firecrackers over here. God damn it, if I want to.
- [60:04]
Dusty Slay
Set them off, whether you like it or not. God damn it.
- [60:06]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You want to eat another cigarette? Come here tomorrow, bro. I need another one. I made a. I made a smoothie out of gravel. Stop smoking, chewing tobacco and gravel. I was actually in Paris one time. All right, so it was funny now.
- [60:23]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, he sounded like. I was, like, picturing Nick Nolte as he was talking the whole time.
- [60:27]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it was funny. And I was always stuck in my head. And I, you know, if you would have said to me, does Michael Matson know who you are? I'd go, I don't know, maybe someone could remind him he did my show. And then he'd go, yeah, something. But lo and behold, I get invited to his wake. And I thought, well, this is queer, because everyone here is Quentin Tarantino and Tim Roth and Sean Penn and guys who worked with him, his sister Virginia Matson, stuff like that. And. But I'm like, why me? I'm a podcaster. He did my show one time, and his son's son Christian was like, he had such a good time with you. And we would always talk about it, and we'd laugh about it, and we would listen. We would re. Listen to it, and we had such a good time with it that I just felt like you're kind of part of this. And I was like, wow, that's so flattering, because I just assume one and done, move on to the next press hit or whatever you're plugging. And it had no thought. And so you don't really know what impact you have on people. You started by telling the story where you felt dumb, but the person forgot about it. But there's another version where you figure, no, that person doesn't know me or doesn't even remember anything as a million years ago. And they do. They talk about you, they relive it. They have a good time.
- [61:56]
Dusty Slay
Well, it's true. It's that old saying, people forget what you say, but they remember how you made them feel. That was a sales thing they used to pitch when I worked at Office Depot. They would love to pitch us that. It's how you make the customer feel.
- [62:09]
Adam Carolla
Well, they evidently had a good feeling about this and they relived it and they laughed about it. And so I went to the wake and I saw the suns and they're like hugging it out, like, thanks you so much. You meant a lot. And I was like, this is insane because I just remember we talked all those years ago and I just remember Nick Nolte, my dad, had a great time and we'd replay it and laugh about it.
- [62:35]
Dusty Slay
Wow.
- [62:36]
Adam Carolla
I know, it's kind of touching. That's wild.
- [62:38]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [62:40]
Adam Carolla
And we just. The other son, they're both tall, good looking guys, they gave me a hug and told me it was important that I be there and stuff like that. I was like, thank you. Now, Christian was one son and then he has two other sons. And I think, I think one took his own life at some point, which I told Andrew to be careful with because I didn't want to mistake him for the other. But we just have three names on here, so I don't know. So thanks. You didn't write. Oh, yes, three living sons and another son that passed. Okay, all right. I thought he had three altogether. So there's Max and there's Calvin as well. And they're all great and they're all there. It was kind of an interesting, eclectic group of Michael Matson people. And the guy's been in the industry for a while and collected some interesting folks. I walked in and Sean Penn was just smoking in front of the. I like a guy who really takes his smoking seriously.
- [63:47]
Dusty Slay
I want that status in life where I could smoke wherever I want. If I just smoke at a funeral or awake, no one cares.
- [63:54]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'm convinced that Dave Chappelle does it. I don't think Dave Chappelle smokes. Yeah, I think he walks out on stage and he lights a cigarette and he dares some management member from the theater to come down and tell him to put the cigarette out because he lights it and he doesn't even smoke it. That would always be the funny thing. Like if you saw those, you know, Johnny Carson from 1972 and they have, you know, Lloyd Johnson, the producer on there he just light a cigarette up and then he's telling stories. He never takes a draw. They never. They can't because they're too busy. They don't need the cigarette.
- [64:38]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [64:38]
Adam Carolla
You know, Sammy Davis Jr. Doesn't need the cigarette. He's talking to Johnny Carson for four minutes and he doesn't. They never take the time to like, draw.
- [64:46]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Like the cigar guys. You see them on stage with cigars and it's like, yeah. How do you. How do you do a show and smoke? It can't be.
- [64:55]
Adam Carolla
I've seen Dave Chappelle. He walks out on stage and he lights a cigarette. Like, first things first. Anyone who's ever smoked knows you can go out, stand by the exit in the parking lot. You can smoke your cigarette and someone can go, five minutes and you can go, yeah, okay. And you put it out and you can walk out on stage.
- [65:10]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [65:10]
Adam Carolla
You don't have to walk out on stage and go, now I'd like a cigarette.
- [65:14]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [65:14]
Adam Carolla
But he walks out and goes, now I'd like a cigarette. Then he lights it. It's kind of a foreplay. Like, you guys can all wait and watch me do this thing that nobody else can do.
- [65:26]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [65:27]
Adam Carolla
Dusty Slay walks out there and lights a cigarette. Oh, guys come rappelling down from the rafters with a fire extinguisher.
- [65:34]
Dusty Slay
They're not allowed back at the top.
- [65:36]
Adam Carolla
That's right. None of that. I'm convinced. Dave Chappelle and Snoop Dogg. Snoop does it with weed. He just goes, you want to come in here into this green room of this late night show and tell me to put out my reefer? Go ahead. And everyone goes, no, Mr. Dog, I guess that's fine.
- [65:56]
Dusty Slay
I always felt like once you start selling out the clubs, you can do whatever you want. But now I sell out clubs and I go, oh, I still don't feel like I can smoke in here.
- [66:05]
Adam Carolla
Certainly not on stage. Right.
- [66:08]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [66:08]
Adam Carolla
Could you imagine what, just walking out in front of a packed club and just lighting up a cigarette.
- [66:15]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And you're right, I couldn't imagine. And also I'm like, I can't do anything with this now. Now I'm smoking because. Yeah. And even nicotine gives you a feel, like a relaxed feeling that I don't want on stage.
- [66:29]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, I agree. But again, it's basically like someone saying, you're hungry, right? Yeah. Good. Hold this burrito. Okay. But don't take a bite out of it. After 20 minutes, wouldn't it be like, well, this is fucking torture. Why don't I put the burrito down? Because you can't eat it on stage.
- [66:48]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah.
- [66:48]
Adam Carolla
You know what I mean?
- [66:49]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I remember there was a Robin Williams special where he had a lot of water bottles on this one table. Like, so many. It's like, well, there's no way you're ever gonna drink all this water.
- [67:00]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [67:00]
Dusty Slay
Why do you have all this water out here?
- [67:02]
Adam Carolla
I think it's a sign. It's the comic version of the guitarist with 11 picks lined up. Like you're going through all 11 of those picks? Like, I don't think so, but it looks cool.
- [67:17]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. You never know.
- [67:19]
Adam Carolla
I'll tell you what is a good move. What is a good move is when you're in a rock band and you light a cigarette and you use the fret. I mean, use the strings as an ashtray. You just hold it there while you're playing. That's a power move right there. That's cool.
- [67:32]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, it's cool. Cause your guitar smuff.
- [67:35]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You're literally smoking a guitar.
- [67:36]
Dusty Slay
Stress relief for the guitar.
- [67:38]
Adam Carolla
Smoking a guitar. It seems intricate and time consuming and kind of more work than hanging it out of your mouth.
- [67:48]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [67:48]
Adam Carolla
Or just saying, look in my rider. Why don't we provide a stool with an ashtray? Is that too excessive for my. We have pyrotechnics. We got women backstage. We got green M and Ms. How about it's just a stool and an ashtray?
- [68:02]
Dusty Slay
Well, that's what's cool about cigarettes. You can't put a vape on the end of a guitar.
- [68:06]
Adam Carolla
It won't stay. Yeah, it's not. It's too flat.
- [68:10]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah. Slips right through.
- [68:12]
Adam Carolla
It's round on the end. Yeah, you're right. You can't put. You can't be playing a bass guitar and slide a vape up to the end.
- [68:20]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And it's electric. The vape may be battery operated. It may conflict with the electrical stuff.
- [68:25]
Adam Carolla
Oh, you're right. It may be like that scene in Spinal Tap where you got a remote amp, you know, and it's interfering with the sound.
- [68:32]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah. You know, that's funny. You say Spinal Tap. I'm doing a. In Milwaukee. I heard that. You've done that. The Pabst Theater.
- [68:40]
Adam Carolla
I did it a week ago.
- [68:41]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I'm doing that soon. And I didn't know. Someone just told me that's where they film Spinal Tap.
- [68:46]
Adam Carolla
The sign is hanging back there.
- [68:49]
Dusty Slay
I've never done it.
- [68:51]
Adam Carolla
You'll love the Pabst.
- [68:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [68:53]
Adam Carolla
Milwaukee's great. The town's great. The Pabst. The theater's great.
- [68:58]
Dusty Slay
I like Milwaukee, but I've never done that theater, and I didn't know about that.
- [69:01]
Adam Carolla
That's August 16th, by the way.
- [69:03]
Dusty Slay
That's awesome. Yeah.
- [69:04]
Adam Carolla
All right, Dusty, you want to hang in for a minute? We'll do some news.
- [69:06]
Dusty Slay
Sure. Yeah.
- [69:07]
Adam Carolla
All right. We'll bring mayhem in. We'll do the news right after this. Home Chef, do you find yourself eating the same thing over and over and over again when you're feeling burnt out and you don't have the time to search for new meals, pick out ingredients, and learn how to cook something new? Well, that's where Home Chef comes in. Home Chef gets it. They're here to make meals easier and healthier, along with tons of variety. Home chef has over 30 options a week and serves a variety of dietary needs. Plus, Home Chef customers save an average of 86 bucks per month on groceries. Yeah, groceries are super expensive. Users of leading meal kits have rated Home Chef number one in quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease. They're the best. They're Home Chef. Right, Dawson? Go to homechef.com Adam. Homes.com. well, some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. And maybe homes.com super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best because they know the neighborhood like the back of their hand. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Either way, it could be any, it could be all the above. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home love. These guys use them all the time. Homes.com we've done your homework.
- [71:18]
Dusty Slay
I checked into this hotel the other day and they gave me a little sheet of paper. It was instructions on how to check out faster. I was like, oh, okay. Well, let me ask you this. What's faster than just leaving? I mean, that's how I've been doing it. I'm gonna be honest with you here. I didn't even realize there was a checkout process. It's not like you see me leave here with all these bags. You get up into that room and I'm not in there. You know, I've checked out.
- [71:50]
Adam Carolla
Dusty Slay is on the Adam Carolla show. Yeah, it's always been a gray area for Me too. Sometimes there's a checkout and sometimes there's just a leave. Oh, key card collection.
- [72:00]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I mean, it's like when I check in, we're agreeing to when I'll be leaving.
- [72:05]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [72:06]
Dusty Slay
There's not a mystery around that.
- [72:07]
Adam Carolla
There's no question mark about you leaving. It's not open ended.
- [72:11]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, they're like, you gonna stick around all week or whatever.
- [72:14]
Adam Carolla
They just wanna high five you on the way out. Check the minibar purchases. Yeah, yeah. It's also. It's weirdly unenforced that. That sort of kitchen kiosky thing that's in the side. It's got a couple of beers in it, a couple of wine coolers and some Cheetos and stuff. And there's times when you grab like a Bud Light and turn around and look and there's nobody there and you're like, well, girl, it's a shotgun. But there's nobody behind the. What do I do with. Ah, fuck it. I just drink it. You know what I mean?
- [72:47]
Dusty Slay
Or you're in. There's people checking in. You're in line. You're like, I'd just like to get this here.
- [72:51]
Adam Carolla
That's right. I'll be done with the beer by the time. Get to the front of the line. All right, what do you got? Mayhem. Oh, man. First up, then, horny cop take her to horny jail. A female cop under investigation for vowing to ticket everyone over her lack of sex. She went TikTok viral and then deleted the post. But I think we got a screenshot of the lady. When did women get so horny? Like, I feel like there was a whole industry built around Spanish fly when I was young because women weren't horny. And so somebody invented something called Spanish fly. It's actually a Bill Cosby bit, which is a little bit interesting. Yeah. But it was supposed to be cockroach legs from Tijuana that made women more. But now every time I turn on the news, there's some school teacher out of Florida banging around with their stuff. You want to know why? What's going on? Symptom of a worldwide phenomenon called TikTok Tarted. They suddenly get all fired up and all their friends are juicing them up. And then all their guy friends, they get attention. It's an attention economy. Maybe also, let's put it to you this way. When I was in high school, what percentage of my female teachers owned a vibrator? I'm gonna go way less than 10%. Well, but they were hand cranked back then.
- [74:19]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [74:20]
Adam Carolla
Made with cat gut. Yeah, yeah. She think? I think. All right, I'm gonna be generous. I can't picture Mrs. Sontag with a rabbit.
- [74:32]
Dusty Slay
You know, I don't want to picture any of my teachers with it.
- [74:35]
Adam Carolla
Even Mrs. Parker. Okay, so Mrs. Harvey. So I'm gonna go way less than 20% had something in the nightstand. I feel like over 80% of female teachers now have something that got on Amazon in the nightstand.
- [74:52]
Dusty Slay
I think so too.
- [74:53]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [74:54]
Dusty Slay
So school is wild nowadays.
- [74:56]
Adam Carolla
Things are different. Things are different. They're younger. I went into my kids school once, a chick was like 26, wearing go go boots, had a piercing in her nostril. You know she's good to go, right?
- [75:07]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [75:09]
Adam Carolla
So this is a new era. Women got a lot of vibrators and a lot of nightstands. And I just think that we just upped the ante. Yeah. It's a new like liberated age. And we've taken them, we made them cops and other sort of masculine testosterone roles and now they're taking charge. So I think it's on.
- [75:28]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. No, she telling this cop telling people that when she's ticketing them. I feel like a couple of guys in somebody's gonna go, well, I'll take care of that for, for you.
- [75:37]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, I think take time. Look, and she wasn't a bad looking officer. I, I asked her for a number, she said 9, 1, 1.
- [75:42]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I mean, well, let's.
- [75:44]
Adam Carolla
She gonna say something. Let's say not. See, this is tick tock tarted right here. It's just simple content because the bar is so low to make a nice video. And that was it. And that goes buck wild viral. And then all your friends are calling you and then start an investigation.
- [76:02]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, didn't get cracked. That's what she's calling it. Yeah, they're calling it. I didn't get.
- [76:06]
Adam Carolla
Didn't get my guts smushed in cracks like you're shucking an oyster.
- [76:13]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah.
- [76:14]
Adam Carolla
Jesus Christ. Can we get any more demeaning than this crack? Like a Shetland pony.
- [76:21]
Dusty Slay
That's what men used to say about women like that. And now it's like the women saying it about themselves. I didn't get cracked last night.
- [76:28]
Adam Carolla
We're handing it back and forth. It's weird when you see like female comedians up there and going, I need some dick and stuff like that. Like, wow, we've turned the corner here, people.
- [76:37]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Just go to the open mic and we can make that happen.
- [76:41]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [76:41]
Dusty Slay
Every guy in there will do it.
- [76:43]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah. At the club, by the way, we don't have to go back to him. Only pepper spray me first.
- [76:48]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah.
- [76:49]
Adam Carolla
All right, so that's good. And also, don't people. Here's an interesting thing. I thought cameras. So I've always said there's a couple things in life. The first guy who invented the toothpaste cap that snaps back on, that you don't have to twist it back on, it just snaps back on. He must have thought to himself, well, that's it. No more toothpaste being left out. With the cap up, drying out, getting all scuba filled. That's that. Oh, I share a sink with my girlfriend. There is that cap is open. My daughter. I mean, not defeated. Not defeated.
- [77:31]
Dusty Slay
A lot of stuff around you can't even dry.
- [77:33]
Adam Carolla
Can't close now. Oh, no, no. You gotta get lacquer thinner out and a wire brush if you want. You gotta get a bottle brush, some blacker denatured alcohol and a rag. Okay, so that person thought, end of this, right? And then another person thought, well, look, when the smoke detector, when the battery gets low, we'll just have a 30 decibel siren go off like every 28 seconds. They'll be replacing these batteries lickety split. Now. You underestimated us. You do not realize what we're capable of. People live for years with that. The caps up, the fucking. The thing. You know, many bags of chips that would have the zipper closed on the top, they're just gaping open and sitting all day, every day, everything with a mayonnaise, with the pop cap lid in the fridge, with the pop up 21 gun salute, straight up. They didn't pop it down. Okay? When somebody says, we're gonna put a camera in this 7 11, we'll put the camera up there. No more robberies. Cause we got it all on film. Oh, no. Robberies went up tenfold after that. And I think when people figure people are like, look, when we have cameras and ring doorbells everywhere, no one's gonna film themselves in uniform, like saying insane things and then put it up on the world wide web. Nobody. But oh no, it's on. I see people filming themselves, like in their airport uniform, talking about wanting to kill certain races and stuff like that. It's like, are you nuts?
- [79:12]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [79:13]
Adam Carolla
How long Southwest gonna employ you?
- [79:14]
Dusty Slay
People film themselves showing how they rip off the government food stamps. And I'm like, well, that you don't give yourself away.
- [79:22]
Adam Carolla
No. Everyone for a while on TikTok again was doing a thing where, hey, I found an ultimate money Hack. You just put a check in and then take out all the money. They just, like, reinvented check fraud.
- [79:33]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah.
- [79:33]
Adam Carolla
They're like, oh, they've discovered it. They said, this is a free money act, and everybody got busted.
- [79:37]
Dusty Slay
You're just giving yourself away.
- [79:39]
Adam Carolla
The one guy out here I can't remember, it was a rapper who wrote a rap song about ripping off Covid money and then he got busted. But here's all I'm saying, people. I would say to my kids, let's not chronicle your crimes.
- [79:56]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah.
- [79:56]
Adam Carolla
Whatever it is you're up to, let's not film it and put it up on the Internet, because it's gonna. It may come back to haunt you.
- [80:03]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [80:04]
Adam Carolla
So if you're a lady police officer, don't film yourself while talking about getting strange dick.
- [80:11]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And no pictures with guns. Right. Because if something happens, they're gonna dig up the picture of you with gun. Even if it's a hunting trip, they're gonna be like, you're definitely gonna be.
- [80:22]
Adam Carolla
On that episode of dateline. I love guns. Here's what I want. Picture you wearing a bow tie, cardigan, and holding a degree and smile.
- [80:31]
Dusty Slay
Exactly.
- [80:31]
Adam Carolla
So in case you ever get brought up on murder charges, it's not you smiling and holding a gun.
- [80:36]
Dusty Slay
Right.
- [80:37]
Adam Carolla
I'm going to glamour shots tomorrow. That's the one they're going with. Rapper who bragged about ripping off Covid unemployment money, was sentenced Fontrell Antonio Baines, also known as nuke bizzle. Nuke bizzle. Let's hear that track right now. Wasn't he one of the Duke brothers? He was one of them Duke boys, Uncle. Nuke bizzle. Rapper from Memphis, Tennessee, was sentenced to 77 months. Dang. That's a stiff spot, by the way. That's got to be weird for nuke bizzle because he probably didn't know a lot of long math. And the judge was like, 77 months, and he's like, well, that's not too bad. What's that? How many weeks is that? That's six years. Oh, shit. Really? In federal prison for exploiting the pandemic unemployment assistance, which he. Look, if you're in California, you can get away with stuff like that for a long time, but not if you write a rap song about it.
- [81:34]
Dusty Slay
Yes.
- [81:35]
Adam Carolla
You know.
- [81:36]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. You don't want to give it away. I don't know why people are giving it away like this.
- [81:40]
Adam Carolla
I concur. All right. You got another story there. I certainly do. Conor McGregor launches a petition to make a presidential ballot in Ireland Yeah, he's taking the matters in his own hand to become a quest for next president. What the problem is for him, despite he got some popularity over there, in order to be considered a candidate, he must have nominations with 20 members of the oriectas, or full county council. Yeah. So what is that? Yeah. So basically he's gonna fight again, right? I mean, allegedly, the impression investigation is.
- [82:13]
Dusty Slay
Still ongoing, maybe fighting some of these councilmen.
- [82:16]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, he seems like he's been doing shadowboxing videos and whatnot, but, you know, let's see what happens next July 4th. I don't. He doesn't have, like, you know, the way the constitution is written there is not the same as ours. He has to get 20 members of this council to post it up or from four counties in the area. So, I mean, in the, you know, Ireland, he has to get them to sign off on his. It's not apples to apples, but. But I recently interviewed Manny Pacquiao, who was trying to be the president of the Philippines and failed. So what I would say to Connor is, if Manny can't pull it off in the Philippines, I don't know if you're gonna pull it off in Ireland, because he's beloved in the Philippines and he doesn't come with a lot of baggage. You know what I mean? The mumblings and grumblings is that in Ireland, he's kind of. They're mad. They're like, what is this guy doing? You know, on the other hand, I love. I love the discipline of an athlete. And that's. That's fine. That's fine with me. Well, that's the thing, is that his discipline has seemed to have waned in this later part of his career. He's out there, you know, allegedly cocaine out and acting a buck wild. We want him to rein it in before he beats the president.
- [83:29]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, that's tough. If you're coked out, that's tough. I don't know that he is. I don't want him coming for me.
- [83:34]
Adam Carolla
I mean, there's finger on the button to the potential. There was that Canadian guy who was pretty beaked up all the time, deemed to do right by Canadians, you know. Are you talking about Rob Ford? Rob Ford? Yeah, Rob Ford.
- [83:49]
Dusty Slay
I thought he was doing crack.
- [83:51]
Adam Carolla
Mayor of Toronto. Yeah.
- [83:53]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [83:53]
Adam Carolla
He's like a crack addict. That looked like Chris Farley. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, you know, I'm not from Toronto, but I've been there. Seem to be pretty orderly.
- [84:04]
Dusty Slay
Toronto's fun. Yeah.
- [84:05]
Adam Carolla
I've been to la. Our Mare's on almost no crack. And it's a shit show. So I don't know, maybe there's something there. I mean, I'm just doing an LA Toronto Math.
- [84:16]
Dusty Slay
Toronto is great. It is really good.
- [84:18]
Adam Carolla
All right, you're making my argument dusty.
- [84:21]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't mind la, but Toronto, it's a very walkable city.
- [84:26]
Adam Carolla
And, well, I mean, look, you got Antonio Villaragosa, no crack. You got Garcetti, no crack. You got Karen Bass, no crack. And you got a rise in homelessness, graffiti and crime and a steep decline. Or you got Toronto. Yes, crack. Very livable, walkable city.
- [84:49]
Dusty Slay
Well, as you've seen on my new special, I'm a big supporter of crack. I've always been.
- [84:53]
Adam Carolla
Oh, listen, I thought that was amazing. I was picturing a conversation with Hunter Biden. Imagine Hunter Biden's home burnt down in Malibu. But imagine if you talk to a few people who hung out with Hunter Biden five years ago, and somewhere in the future his house is going to burn down. He dropped a crack. I'll go crack. No, no. Natural disaster. That's what he's saying. But the futon was the first thing to go up, right? No. What would the odds maker say? This guy's house is going to burn to the ground while he's. He's passed out with a crack pipe on his chest. Right.
- [85:31]
Dusty Slay
You go, oh, yeah.
- [85:32]
Adam Carolla
What kind of odds would you get on wildfire versus crack pipe? He wasn't even probably living in Maryland at the time. Right.
- [85:40]
Dusty Slay
I don't know how to do odds, but I'm voting crackpipe.
- [85:42]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [85:43]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [85:43]
Adam Carolla
Insane under 210. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Do you have a Jim Acosta story? I can't wait, man. Yeah. Cracking forward. Jim Hayden. Oh, Jim Acosta. That's what I got. Yeah. Yeah. Jim Acosta is blasted on social media after interviewing an AI avatar of a parkland shooting victim. It's pretty. Oh, really morose. Yeah. I would like to know what your solution would be for gun violence. Great question. I believe in a mix of stronger gun control laws, mental health support, and community engagement. We need to create safe spaces for conversations and connections, making sure everyone feels seen and heard. It's about building a culture of kindness and understanding. What do you think about that? I think that's a great idea, Joaquin. All right. Building a culture of kindness and understanding while you're fucking getting shot at. They lived him up inside of there, huh?
- [86:36]
Dusty Slay
Jim's struggling to get gas, bro.
- [86:38]
Adam Carolla
He's matrix deep in there. Yeah. Hold On. Is this the real Dusty or it is there?
- [86:46]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, this is the real Dusty.
- [86:49]
Adam Carolla
Let me smell your armpit, bro.
- [86:50]
Dusty Slay
Well, it smells. I have. I am, actually, I do.
- [86:53]
Adam Carolla
What would an AI generated dusty say? Probably make a joke about his armpit smelling that.
- [86:59]
Dusty Slay
Well, that's true. That's. I mean, I think, yeah, AI could nail it soon.
- [87:03]
Adam Carolla
Mayhem. Tug on his beard. Let's see if that's a real beard.
- [87:07]
Dusty Slay
AI's getting good though.
- [87:08]
Adam Carolla
I know.
- [87:09]
Dusty Slay
Maybe Mayhem's not.
- [87:10]
Adam Carolla
Listen, before I die, I'm going to rename myself Max Headroom. Oh, oh. Max Headroom had a real head start. Pardon the pun on this whole thing. Yeah, okay. Well, it's interesting because he's interviewing a guy, but all the guy's doing is spouting out democratic progressive talking points, which is gonna be a thing in both directions. Cuz it's always like, who is programming the AI? Like who's. What side of the aisle is the AI guys doing the program? Because what that was was just a democratic talking point. Now if you talk to someone who programmed it from the right side, they'd be talking about the NRA and arming teachers. By the way, everybody. It's a weird thing people have with arming teachers. I'm not saying show up with a hamper of handguns and dump them in the gym and tell the teachers to come pick them up.
- [88:12]
Dusty Slay
Especially if they're not getting laid, they're not getting cracked.
- [88:15]
Adam Carolla
Well, let me. I'm saying, let's just say you had a teacher, right? Let's say you had a teacher who was in the military or was in law enforcement, and then you put them through a process where they got certified and bonded and everything to handle a handgun. If the shooting started in your kid's school, wouldn't you like to know that their teacher had something in their desk versus hiding under the desk? And it's a simple equation. Here's the equation in every movie where there's a bank being robbed and they yell, get on the ground. Get on the ground. At some point, everyone's on the ground and they're knocking stuff over and pistol whipping people. At some point there'll be a guy in street clothes and he'll pull his thing up and he'll go, I'm under, I'm off duty cop. And then you think to yourself, good, you got a guy with a gun on our side in here. It's basically that feeling you have as an audience where you go, good, we got something now. Then you just yell back at him. FBI undercover. And he doesn't shoot you. Yeah. Twice in the chest. Keanu Reeves. I am an FBI agent. You know, the biggest. You. You may have had some dicky bosses in your. In your day, right?
- [89:32]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah.
- [89:33]
Adam Carolla
You work now. You sold pesticides, right?
- [89:37]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [89:37]
Adam Carolla
You covered Home Depot.
- [89:39]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah.
- [89:39]
Adam Carolla
You had your sheriff situations. You had a lady friend and you would take her out to the bar during the day and have some conventional sex in different places while on the clock.
- [89:53]
Dusty Slay
All this is true.
- [89:54]
Adam Carolla
All of it is true. I remember our interview, and I remember the details. And I would argue you've had some tough bosses. I've had some tough bosses. You know, Mike Stromat was my foreman. He was a tough boss.
- [90:07]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, my boss's name was Stan. I don't want to say his last name.
- [90:10]
Adam Carolla
Art Fuss. Seems kind of a tough guy. You know, these were tough guys, but there's never been a boss as bad as Keanu Reeves. Boss, when he showed up for his first day at the FBI headquarters, that clip of him calling him a Blue Flame Special. And I mean, he literally just met him in the hallway and started yelling at him before they even knew who he was. You know what I mean? I mean, that's a tough boss. Usually you have to at least fuck up. Like Dusty. You have to be caught fucking a co worker while drunk in the back of a Nova, Right?
- [90:45]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Or, you know, at least something close to it. If I'd have got caught doing that, I would have been fired.
- [90:50]
Adam Carolla
But I read it like Heavy Ball. I love that scene because, you know, as with fighters, the young guy. Oh, boy. Get out of here. You ain't even earned the right to spar with him. Right? Yeah, I get you. I like the ball breaking, too. That's John C. McGinley, by the way. He's great. Yeah, he's great. But I mean, I. Keanu gets off to it. That wouldn't fly in today's FBI. You couldn't come in with some young cub rookie who just got relocated from Quantico to LA and start yelling at him immediately.
- [91:24]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, there's an HR in there.
- [91:25]
Adam Carolla
You get written up. You get written up.
- [91:27]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Yeah.
- [91:28]
Adam Carolla
All right. Let's. Let's, let's see. Let's. Let's. Let's talk about John C's about bedside manner here. Special Agent John Utah, day number one in la.
- [91:36]
Dusty Slay
Welcome aboard.
- [91:37]
Adam Carolla
You're going over your personnel record.
- [91:38]
Dusty Slay
Very impressive. Thank you. You may very well have been in.
- [91:40]
Adam Carolla
The top 2% of your class at Quantico, but quite frankly, son out here, you have exactly zero hours of experience in the field. You know nothing. In fact, you know less than nothing. If you even knew that you knew nothing, that'd be something.
- [91:51]
Dusty Slay
But you don't. Yes, sir. You need a solid breakfast, Utah.
- [91:54]
Adam Carolla
Sir.
- [91:54]
Dusty Slay
All the food groups, avoiding caffeine, sugar.
- [91:56]
Adam Carolla
I like to make sure that all my people maintain sound cardiovascular fitness. We don't drink and we sure as hell don't smoke. Sir, I take the skin off chicken. Good man.
- [92:04]
Dusty Slay
This is U.S. bank robbery.
- [92:07]
Adam Carolla
And you are now in the bank robbery capital of the world. 1,322 last year in LA County. Up 26% from the year before. That's correct. And we nailed over 1,000 of them.
- [92:16]
Dusty Slay
Ms. Dear, take a look at that for me.
- [92:19]
Adam Carolla
Thank you.
- [92:19]
Dusty Slay
Do you know how we nail the bad guys, Utah? Do you know how we nail them? By crunching data.
- [92:24]
Adam Carolla
Good luck.
- [92:24]
Dusty Slay
Good crime scene work, good lab work, and most importantly, good data based analysis.
- [92:30]
Adam Carolla
Special Agent Utah, are you receiving my signal? Zero distortion, sir. I love these things. Now you're a real Blue Flame special, aren't you, son? Young, dumb and full of calm. Oh, he's getting written up.
- [92:49]
Dusty Slay
What I don't know is how. How you got yourself assigned out here.
- [92:52]
Adam Carolla
To Los Angeles with us.
- [92:54]
Kim Whitley
I mean, hell, I guess we just.
- [92:56]
Dusty Slay
Must have ourselves an asshole shortage, huh?
- [92:59]
Adam Carolla
Now, in today's world, you'd be sitting in hr, and it's like, I wasn't in that business. I wasn't in that building for 40 seconds before my supervisor said I was dumb, an asshole and filled with semen.
- [93:14]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [93:14]
Adam Carolla
So he needs to be written up, possibly removed from this.
- [93:20]
Dusty Slay
But I never had a boss that was that smart. I don't think. I mean, this guy's so smart, he's got, you know, he's really coming at you with it.
- [93:27]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah. Total masterpiece exposition. That whole program let you know that everybody here is smart and a big swinging dick.
- [93:34]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. My boss would have been dipping, swallowing the spit and he's out of breath and he's, you know.
- [93:41]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And also the guys who don't know enough, they're not articulate. And the guys who aren't articulate use the same swear words. They go, I don't give a fuck. Fuck off. Want to around all jams. They're sticks. They're not good enough to spit it out.
- [94:04]
Dusty Slay
That sounds.
- [94:05]
Adam Carolla
No, no. New Big Al from the junkyard.
- [94:07]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [94:08]
Adam Carolla
Brains are angrier than their mouth can.
- [94:10]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [94:11]
Adam Carolla
Can service. You know what I mean?
- [94:13]
Dusty Slay
Exactly. My boss would do all that. And then in between Go, let's get some lunch.
- [94:18]
Adam Carolla
Swallow some dip.
- [94:20]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah.
- [94:21]
Adam Carolla
They weren't wordsmiths like John C. Yes, you're right. You're right. But you got the message.
- [94:28]
Dusty Slay
Angry message. Yeah.
- [94:30]
Adam Carolla
He dipped and swallowed.
- [94:32]
Dusty Slay
I never saw him spit. I mean, he would dip the whole day. I never saw him.
- [94:37]
Adam Carolla
Any of these guys ever come out of the woodwork and go, you know, hey, man, see, you're playing the Paps Theater, man. That's where Spinal Tap played.
- [94:46]
Dusty Slay
Well, a few guy. I do have some guys that come out, some guys that I liked, you know, from. From the pesticide world. And they'll come and hang. I got one old boss that I did. Like, he'll come. Hey, he was my boss for a year. And me and him would get drunk together.
- [94:59]
Adam Carolla
You guys ever talk shop? Like, hey, if you see roundups got, they've come out with a new Hudson sprayer. Really get into it a little bit.
- [95:07]
Dusty Slay
If I'm in a Lowe's and I see a good display, I'll take a pic and send it to him.
- [95:11]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And nobody can handle a pallet jack like Dusty, right? I mean, if there's, you know, they have those competitions with the heavy equipment operators or the guy like with a long. He's got. This guy's got a long arm. Excavator. Yeah. And the guys, the competition is to put a jacket on a Barbie, like with it that's 20ft away. Like, they do crazy stuff. Maybe there'll be some pallet jack competition.
- [95:40]
Dusty Slay
Pallet jack races, I think we've talked about.
- [95:42]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, celebrity pallet jack races, you'd crush.
- [95:45]
Dusty Slay
See, like, like the boxcar derby things going down on a pal.
- [95:50]
Adam Carolla
We got it. We got it. We start out with pallet jack derby. Okay. Go on to celebrity unicycling, right? Oh, that's great. And then we'll have a fight to end the night. That's. Yeah, yeah. Pay per view early. You guys will get some points. You'll get some points on this. Dude.
- [96:09]
Dusty Slay
If you got a jack a pallet of fertilizer and then weave it through with customers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [96:16]
Adam Carolla
Ankle breaking insurance.
- [96:17]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [96:17]
Adam Carolla
I could do it on a unicycle.
- [96:19]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [96:20]
Adam Carolla
Oh, man. All right, listen, we gotta wrap this up. We need to talk. Get your people on the blower.
- [96:24]
Dusty Slay
Okay.
- [96:25]
Adam Carolla
I'll get my people hooked up with your people.
- [96:27]
Dusty Slay
I like this.
- [96:28]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Mayhem doesn't have people as a person, as one guy, but we'll get his person with our people. Yeah. Well, plural for the singular. My guy is a girl. Too. So, Dusty, always great to see you, my friend.
- [96:42]
Dusty Slay
Thank you.
- [96:42]
Adam Carolla
By the way, really funny standup special. Wet Heat on Netflix and then the Night Shift tour coming to a town near you website. Dusty Slay.com.
- [96:54]
Dusty Slay
That'S right, DustySlay.com and I got a whole new hour that I'm doing on the road, so.
- [96:57]
Adam Carolla
Oh, wow.
- [96:58]
Dusty Slay
So you can watch the special and then come see the show. New hour.
- [97:02]
Adam Carolla
Well, Kim Whitley From Happy Gilmore 2 is coming in here in a minute. Many, many different things as well. We'll talk to her right after this. Morgan and Morgan. All right, let's get real for a minute. Everyone talks about summer being sunshine and backyard barbecues. But you know as well as I do, summer is prime time for accidents. Everybody slipping by the pool. Maybe it got rear ended on their way to the beach. That's why you need to know about Morgan and Morgan. These guys. Well, there's a reason why you see their ads everywhere. You see the billboards everywhere. They're big. They get results. And they have happy clients. And you could be one of them. They brought more than 25 billion. That's right. They brought in more than 25 billion with a baby. For clients like you, I'm talking real stories. One Guy got offered 500 grand for his injury, ended up with 29 million thanks to Morgan and Morgan. That's why they're America's largest injury law firm. Right, Dawson? Hiring the wrong firm can be disastrous. Hiring the right firm could substantially increase your settlement. With Morgan and Morgan. It's easy to get started and their fee is free. Unless they win. Win? Just visit forthepeople.com Adam or dial pound law. Pound 529. That's for the people.com Adam or dial pound law. Pound 529. This is a paid advertisement. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv. Stream now. Pay Never. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Ace. Man, this is rich. One of your fans in the Pacific Northwest. Hey, I hear you're doing a show.
- [99:25]
Dusty Slay
At the Aladdin theater August 8th.
- [99:28]
Adam Carolla
Did you know in Portland in the.
- [99:30]
Dusty Slay
70S it was a triple X movie theater which played Deep Throat non stop.
- [99:37]
Adam Carolla
For over 10 years? Anyway, I'm sure they got the protein.
- [99:42]
Dusty Slay
That cleaned up by now. Anyway, have a great show and get it on.
- [99:46]
Adam Carolla
You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Yeah, two shows at Helium in Portland. By the way, that's the. The new venue. Kim Whitley, happy Gilmore 2 is what? You've seen her everywhere for a million years. But Netflix, Happy Gilmore 2, which is plays Bessie. That what happened. Everyone loves it. Everyone loves you. They love the show. They love Adam Sandler. They used to not like Adam Sandler. Now they love Adam Sandler. What's going on?
- [100:19]
Kim Whitley
That was my favorite part of the show.
- [100:20]
Adam Carolla
Well, the critics used to kind of beat up on him.
- [100:24]
Kim Whitley
Oh, Adam is one of the nicest guys.
- [100:26]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but they don't factor that in.
- [100:28]
Kim Whitley
They don't factor that part in. That's ridiculous.
- [100:30]
Adam Carolla
They don't like movies where you play yourself and your sister and, you know, stuff like that. They make that got into it with him. I know, but now everyone loves him. And you're part of it.
- [100:41]
Kim Whitley
I am part of it. Thank you so much.
- [100:43]
Adam Carolla
How'd you get the role, Adam?
- [100:45]
Kim Whitley
You know, I had auditioned for another role in the Happy Madison Family. I also did a movie called Hubie Halloween with him.
- [100:53]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, that's fun too.
- [100:55]
Kim Whitley
See, Adam likes to reuse people. If he likes you right, he will bring you back. He loves comics. He loves to make sure they have a check. And I auditioned for, I think it was that Missy or Missy, one of his movies, and they loved me. They walked me out to my car. I didn't get the part, but they were like, we're gonna bring you back. So they always call me for something and that's how I got the part. And there were some lines, but Adam was like, eh, Kim, don't worry about the lines. We're just gonna let you go. So always fun.
- [101:25]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I mean, look, when. Here's what I wanna say to everyone. There are people that have a reputation for being nice. And Adam Sandler has a reputation for being nice. And Henry Winkler has a reputation for being nice.
- [101:40]
Kim Whitley
I can't believe you said that. Those are the two people I always say, right.
- [101:44]
Adam Carolla
But it's because they're nice. And then there are people that have a reputation for not being nice. And people go, you know, people like to talk. I go, no, listen, you earn your reputation of not nice. And it's not fair to the actual nice people to just try to lump the un. Nice people in with them.
- [102:03]
Kim Whitley
Absolutely.
- [102:03]
Adam Carolla
We don't think of Ellen as nice. Bill Cosby wasn't thought of as nice. These people weren't thought. Bill Maher's not thought of as nice, and Henry Winkler is thought of as nice. So that's who they are. So live with it. And by the way, if you'd like to be thought of as being nice, then go ahead and be nice.
- [102:25]
Kim Whitley
And be nice consistently.
- [102:27]
Adam Carolla
Yes, do it consistently.
- [102:28]
Kim Whitley
What's yours? What's your reputation?
- [102:31]
Adam Carolla
Uh. Oh, I can tell people don't think of me as nice. No, but I think you're direct.
- [102:37]
Kim Whitley
Cause when I came in here, you were like, let's get it, Kim. You're not gonna do this. You're a coaster man. You made me put my coffee on the coaster. Cause you don't want your table scarred up. I think of you as direct.
- [102:49]
Adam Carolla
Well, I don't. See. I feel like. Okay, you tell me. You tell me.
- [102:53]
Kim Whitley
All right.
- [102:55]
Adam Carolla
My girlfriend will make. She's a good cook, and she will make food, and then she will give it to me, and then she will go, what do you think? Then I will go, it's good. And thank you. But if you do it again, I do a little more garlic next time. Now, you can look at that two ways. You can look at it as, I just made you food, and now you're bitching about it.
- [103:25]
Dusty Slay
It.
- [103:25]
Adam Carolla
Or you can look at it as, he's happy with it and he's going to enjoy it. But if we do it again, it'll be even better with a little more garlic. And that's not an attack. That's just being straight. It's just being direct.
- [103:40]
Kim Whitley
You are direct. It should be the Adam Carolla direct show.
- [103:44]
Adam Carolla
Well, today I gotta go back across town. I gotta do a Hit with Chris Cuomo show, and then I'm coming back to some jazz things back here. And then I'm leaving early to go to Portland and Reno. And then Portland, I got stuff. Like, the next 48 hours is stuff.
- [104:03]
Kim Whitley
So all that money that you're making.
- [104:06]
Adam Carolla
I was moving you along because of my stuffed schedule.
- [104:09]
Kim Whitley
Yeah, that's what you know. I understand. But you're direct. And your girlfriend. You should ask your girlfriend, am I direct? You should say, is that a direct thing, or is it.
- [104:17]
Adam Carolla
You have to communicate. I think you have to go. So, first off, I want people to tell me, it'd be better with a little more garlic. I don't want them to yell it at me. I want them to say, thank you.
- [104:30]
Kim Whitley
And I appreciate it, and I'm your girlfriend. I don't know how you But. Because it's a backhand compliment.
- [104:39]
Adam Carolla
Well, you know what it is? She'll eat it and go. Yeah, probably next time, little more garlic.
- [104:46]
Kim Whitley
Okay, then that's faith.
- [104:47]
Adam Carolla
Which is all we're trying to do is get a better dish going. Now I don't. And by the way, so I grew up playing sports and getting yelled at by guys that I was doing stuff wrong. And I took that as a loving gesture. Like, that's someone who cares about you. They're trying to help you.
- [105:06]
Kim Whitley
Where'd you grow up? Here in Los Angeles.
- [105:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [105:09]
Kim Whitley
And the coaches would yell at you.
- [105:11]
Adam Carolla
They would yell at you.
- [105:12]
Kim Whitley
And that didn't. Yep. And that was a loving.
- [105:15]
Adam Carolla
They didn't look at it as a loving gesture. What it was is, is these guys are volunteering and they're taking time out to work with you on their weekend.
- [105:25]
Kim Whitley
Exactly.
- [105:26]
Adam Carolla
And when he's telling you stuff, he's telling you stuff because he wants you to get better.
- [105:30]
Kim Whitley
Absolutely.
- [105:31]
Adam Carolla
And I think as a comic, you know, people. Sometimes you'll walk off stage and people will go, I got a little punch up. You know, I got a little. Try this instead of that.
- [105:40]
Kim Whitley
Wait, stop, stop. Is it regular people or is it a comic?
- [105:43]
Adam Carolla
No, it's gotta be a comic.
- [105:44]
Kim Whitley
It's gotta be a comic. Is it a comic that just started, or is it a comic that's been in the game for 10 years?
- [105:48]
Adam Carolla
It can't be an open mic comic.
- [105:50]
Kim Whitley
No, cannot be open mic.
- [105:51]
Adam Carolla
10 years.
- [105:51]
Kim Whitley
I'm gonna take the punch up. And I might use it and I might not.
- [105:55]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah. That's my whole thing, is, what do you got? And then they tell you. And I go, all right. Sometimes stuff, I go, that's funny. And then other times, yeah, we need another clove in there. I mean, you started with Red. With Red Fox.
- [106:10]
Kim Whitley
Let's not age me. I didn't start with Red Fox.
- [106:13]
Adam Carolla
We didn't start with the right fox.
- [106:14]
Kim Whitley
He saw me and thought I was a funny girl. I was not a mentor. But you know how you go on the set. And there was a kid, and I had to watch him, my friend. It was Harlem Nights, the movie. And my friend's son played the little kid. And so he couldn't go. He sent me. I was cracking jokes, having fun, because I didn't know how to act on the set. And Red Fox said, come here. He was like, you do stand up. And I said, no, I had been writing down a couple things. And he said, well, get ten minutes together. Ten minutes, and I'll help you out. I didn't do it because I was afraid of cocaine and the rock and roll and all the stuff my mother had told me that happens in Honda.
- [106:51]
Adam Carolla
What city was this in here? I was in la.
- [106:53]
Kim Whitley
Yes. And I had just gotten out of here. My mother was like, redd Fox. Oh, you're gonna be on cocaine and prostitution.
- [106:59]
Adam Carolla
Well, I mean, can't argue with the logic.
- [107:02]
Kim Whitley
I was like, what? So I didn't do it. And he just said, you got something. He said, you're pretty and you're funny. And I'm gonna be honest with you. He said, I'm tired of seeing these ugly bitches be funny. That's what Red Fox said to me. And he said, be funny, Go do stand up. And that helped me. And you're right, it's hard as a woman when you're pretty, good looking. You have to break. You have to break the. A lot of women pay tickets to go see comedy. You have to break the thing of them seeing you. Oh, she thinks she's cute. There is judgment for women. So you understand.
- [107:38]
Adam Carolla
Well, I mean, more so then probably. It's probably a little better now. And also, yeah, we don't. I mean, the thing about guys, I mean, look, everyone should just be judged on whether you're funny or not. That's. And I think we're about there now. I've always say women, their biggest problem is other women. It's not guys, it's other women. Every female comic I know complains about other women. Not real. Not really about the guys, the comics.
- [108:06]
Kim Whitley
And the women in the audience. Because 80% of women buy the tickets for the show.
- [108:10]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, so true.
- [108:11]
Kim Whitley
Yeah. Because they're bringing their man to the show, so they buy the tickets. So you have to break through them and other female comics.
- [108:18]
Adam Carolla
So you didn't do stand up even though Red suggested it back then, right?
- [108:23]
Kim Whitley
No, I did not. I did it the day he died was my first two minutes.
- [108:27]
Adam Carolla
Really?
- [108:27]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [108:28]
Kim Whitley
I felt like I missed. I regretted.
- [108:30]
Adam Carolla
So was that a coincidence or is it just.
- [108:32]
Kim Whitley
No, I actually said, the man that told you to do stand up, who said he was going to help you, you did not, you know, act on it. You must go out and do two minutes right now. And I found a stage and I went up and I just did two minutes and then I started and then I kind of stopped. David Arnold really got me back on the road. I did the Haha Cafe. Me and Buddy created that whole comedy place. It was a Mexican restaurant. It became a club. And then David Arnold, we went out on the road and he said, if I use your celebrity to get me in the club, I Will help you build your set. Because I used to be an improv comic. I never built a set. I'd throw jokes away just doing it. He said, you gotta have a set. It was very difficult because I just was like, I gotta say it again. So therefore, we really went on the road together doing he said, she said. And, you know, David Arnold has passed away. But it was a great, very funny comic. And that's how that went.
- [109:29]
Adam Carolla
Were you lean up on the mic or scoot up on the mic just a little bit. It's a little better if you can.
- [109:35]
Kim Whitley
That's the guy in that booth told you that?
- [109:37]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I don't want to disappoint Dawson.
- [109:40]
Kim Whitley
Dawson. Thanks, guys.
- [109:41]
Adam Carolla
But. So you come out here from where?
- [109:45]
Kim Whitley
Cleveland, Ohio.
- [109:47]
Adam Carolla
At what age?
- [109:48]
Kim Whitley
I probably came out here when I was young, after college. Probably 25. I don't remember. But they'll say 25 to act two. Act. Yep.
- [109:57]
Adam Carolla
But not to do stand up.
- [109:58]
Kim Whitley
No, no, I didn't. I remember Steve Harvey would go to Hilarities in Cleveland, and I was like, hilarities? I'm not going down there. And then there was the improv. But, no, I never went in those clubs.
- [110:12]
Adam Carolla
How did the Curb youb Enthusiasm Carpool Lane episode come about? Auditioned, because that's such a classic.
- [110:20]
Kim Whitley
And it was a classic. And Larry was very upset I didn't get nominated for an Emmy. We were up against Arrested Development. He was like, I can't believe. He was just so angry. And I'll never forget because I didn't realize the role was so iconic because we had so much fun. Larry David is insane. He is exactly who he is, as you know. And I didn't know that. But I'm gonna tell you something that might upset a lot of your viewers and listeners. I didn't know who Larry David was.
- [110:51]
Adam Carolla
That's how I was. I get it.
- [110:53]
Kim Whitley
And Larry was like, what's wrong? I was like, why you keep wearing that Seinfeld jacket? He was like, are you serious? I said, yeah. I said, if it's not on bet, Larry, I don't watch it. Yeah, we had so much fun.
- [111:04]
Adam Carolla
He wasn't big at the Apollo.
- [111:07]
Kim Whitley
I don't think he wasn't big at the Apollo.
- [111:09]
Adam Carolla
I think the sandman would have come for him pretty fast. Yeah, well, it's a cultural thing, you know?
- [111:15]
Kim Whitley
It's a cultural thing. We had a good time. And that's what made. But I have to be honest with you, since I did not put him so high on a pedestal when I went in the Room to audition.
- [111:26]
Adam Carolla
You were intimidated.
- [111:27]
Kim Whitley
I wasn't intimidated.
- [111:28]
Adam Carolla
But since he doesn't really write the scripts out, how much is there? How many pages do you get? Or how do you do the audition if the scene is not scripted?
- [111:39]
Kim Whitley
It was a slip of paper this big.
- [111:41]
Adam Carolla
Just one?
- [111:42]
Kim Whitley
Just one. When you do the audition, it was just a slip of paper. You're in a prostitute. Larry Davis gonna pick you up to put you in the carpool lane. Blah, blah, blah, blah, happens. You're gonna find the tickets in the. You know, in the little glove compartment. And then you're gonna say, shut up and drive the effing car. Now he gives you the beginning, beginning, middle, and end. And in audition, we just went for it. And I have. My neighbor at that time was Dave Koechner. He had been on the show.
- [112:15]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [112:16]
Kim Whitley
Yeah. He told me some things. Katt Williams gave me some prostitute stuff to say. Buddy Lewis, I saw all the comics. I was like, so. And I remember Dave said, put this stuff, he said, in your quiver. I didn't know what that was. He said, so you can just have a bunch of stuff ready of who the character is.
- [112:35]
Adam Carolla
Koechner.
- [112:36]
Kim Whitley
Yep.
- [112:37]
Adam Carolla
He is a good dude.
- [112:38]
Kim Whitley
Good dude. Haven't seen him for a while, but saw his kids grow up.
- [112:42]
Adam Carolla
Sarge is one of them. That's a great name for a kid.
- [112:46]
Kim Whitley
It's a great name.
- [112:47]
Adam Carolla
Sarge. Sarge is a strong.
- [112:49]
Kim Whitley
He got a lot of kids.
- [112:51]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, he's a good. He's a good dude.
- [112:53]
Kim Whitley
You see him, Tell him I said hello.
- [112:55]
Adam Carolla
I will. Oh, I'll put that in my quiver. Yeah, that's a callback. So you do the audition with Larry?
- [113:05]
Kim Whitley
Yes, Larry at that time, I guess my career, you know, you get to go straight to producers.
- [113:09]
Adam Carolla
Right, right.
- [113:10]
Kim Whitley
And Larry's in the room, and Sheryl Hines, a couple other actors, producers, they're all sitting there. And Larry's in a chair. And I walk up to the chair. He's just sitting in the middle room. And I do the scene. And it's so funny. Cause Larry would look at you and say, what? What did you say? He said, okay. He was like, say that again. You know, so we had fun. And then when they call you on set, it's the same thing, but it's, you know, a larger piece of paper. And we all were in one trailer. There's no dressing rooms. I called my agents. I was like, they don't have a dressing room for me. They're like, dave and all the producers. Everybody's gonna be in this one. Trailer, which people don't understand is an advantage. You get to sit there and talk to Larry and all the different people. And a great Super Dave. We just had a good time, and then we saved a man's life with that show.
- [114:08]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Super Dave. I went to his memorial probably. Probably not that long after you guys.
- [114:17]
Kim Whitley
Yeah.
- [114:18]
Adam Carolla
Super Dave Osborne, who's Albert Brooks's brother, whose last name is really Einstein. I don't know if you know all this about those guys.
- [114:30]
Kim Whitley
I remind me of that.
- [114:32]
Adam Carolla
Albert Brooks is named Albert Einstein.
- [114:34]
Kim Whitley
No, I did not know that.
- [114:37]
Adam Carolla
And he has a third brother, and Super Dave is his brother.
- [114:41]
Kim Whitley
Wow. Now, let me tell you about Super Dave. You ready?
- [114:43]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [114:45]
Kim Whitley
This is the first time in my career I was up against a comic. Maybe it was one other time I couldn't hang with Super Dave was so quick and so funny that I would just bust out laughing in the scene. And I. I just didn't have any comebacks. He was boom, boom, boom. I was like, who is this guy? He was fantastic.
- [115:13]
Adam Carolla
He's got a lot of energy. He was funny. He had a joke chambered ready to go.
- [115:20]
Kim Whitley
Yes.
- [115:21]
Adam Carolla
Every 10 seconds, a new one coming down. Yeah. He was a talker and funny, and we were friends with him as well. And I'm trying to think, what year did you shoot that episode? I'm trying to think. When I went to his wake. Oh, God, that'd be like 10 years ago now. But, yeah, that story where he ended up at Dodger Stadium. And let me see how much I get this, right. There was somebody who was actually filmed at Dodger Stadium, not as part of Kirby. Was he just in Dodger Stadium when you were filming at Dodger Stadium, or was he background?
- [115:58]
Kim Whitley
So, no. So we had 400 extras.
- [116:01]
Adam Carolla
400 extras.
- [116:02]
Kim Whitley
Larry told me. So that was on one section and around where we're filming. And then the rest is a real game.
- [116:08]
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Okay. Real game. Right.
- [116:11]
Kim Whitley
So the guy is a real patron.
- [116:13]
Adam Carolla
He's just going to a Dodger game with his daughter, and he was accused of murder.
- [116:17]
Kim Whitley
His girlfriend.
- [116:19]
Adam Carolla
And they said, you murdered your girlfriend? And he said, I was at Dodger Stadium. And that's how he proved it.
- [116:27]
Kim Whitley
No, he actually went to jail. He was in, I don't know, holding a prison. He was gone. The daughter said, I was there. They showed the tickets. But what I just learned recently is that he paid cash for a lot of things. So he had no receipts and no record. And just because the cell phone pinged, there was A ping at a cell phone tower that said he called right before he went. And then witnesses were like, yeah, he killed her. Just so happens that curb your enthusiasm comes on. And I don't know if the attorney says something, because I remember Larry was like, we gotta send all this footage. Something happened. And they. Well, I guess you can see it. And you see the guy walking down the, you know, the steps to go to his seat. And if you watch that documentary about it called the Longest Yard, the PA stopped him and he said, I gotta get down there. My daughter's young, you know, she's down there by himself. And he said, okay, go ahead. Had that PA had not let him go at that time. That had never caught him on film. And that's how he got released and he won a million dollars and blah, blah, blah.
- [117:39]
Adam Carolla
It's called the Longest Yard.
- [117:40]
Kim Whitley
The Longest Yard. It was on Netflix.
- [117:42]
Adam Carolla
Adam Sandler remade that movie and he remade a movie.
- [117:46]
Kim Whitley
Two different things, though.
- [117:48]
Adam Carolla
Wow. Yeah. It's a crazy story.
- [117:51]
Kim Whitley
Crazy.
- [117:52]
Adam Carolla
There he is.
- [117:53]
Kim Whitley
Oh, wow.
- [117:53]
Adam Carolla
He's wearing a Dodger hat. Dodger jersey. And his girlfriend was killed right in that time.
- [118:01]
Kim Whitley
During that time.
- [118:02]
Adam Carolla
Is it kind of weird that you can be in Dodger Stadium with 40,000 other people in modern times and there's no footage of you, like, walking to the hot dog stand or something like.
- [118:13]
Kim Whitley
This Might have been before the big camera situation. Dodger. Maybe they didn't have it.
- [118:19]
Adam Carolla
2003, that is.
- [118:22]
Kim Whitley
Yeah. Six months in jail. He was in jail. It was horrible.
- [118:27]
Adam Carolla
Jesus Christ.
- [118:27]
Kim Whitley
But I met him.
- [118:28]
Adam Carolla
And you did?
- [118:29]
Kim Whitley
Yeah, I met him at Will Smith party for his son at a bowling alley. And he was there.
- [118:35]
Adam Carolla
Why was he there?
- [118:36]
Kim Whitley
You know, I think he just. One of his friends invited him because it was for the kid. And he told me, you know, his name and you know that show, thank youk? It saved my life and. And I won a million dollars, and he didn't give me any of it.
- [118:52]
Adam Carolla
O'Reilly Auto Parts went to O'Reilly Auto Parts today to get something called Water Wetter. What's Water Wetter? Well, I got a race coming up, so I've been prepping the car, and that's why I've been going on O'Reilly. Water wetter is antifreeze. That's for the track. Because you can't spill antifreeze on the track. It's too slippery. But you can do Water Wetter. And anyway, I don't want to bore you. I don't want to get you mired in the details here, but O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts and knowledge you need to maintain and repair your automobile. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly and they know their business. That's why I go there. There. It's not like you get lost in some endless big barn place. They got guys behind the counter and gals behind the counter who know their business. So stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us at O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam this summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv. Stream now. Pay. Never. You know Will Smith.
- [120:33]
Kim Whitley
I do know Will.
- [120:34]
Adam Carolla
I have no read on Will Smith. I have no idea who he is.
- [120:38]
Kim Whitley
I'm gonna tell you. You read.
- [120:40]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. There's a lot of stuff I like about him.
- [120:43]
Kim Whitley
Third nicest person guarantee. I'm telling you.
- [120:46]
Adam Carolla
All right.
- [120:47]
Kim Whitley
Will Smith is hands down. You talk about Henry Winkler, Adam Sandler, Will Smith.
- [120:54]
Adam Carolla
He's not just a DEI hire on this list. We're not just trying to round it out a little bit.
- [121:00]
Kim Whitley
He's a rapper.
- [121:03]
Adam Carolla
Okay? Now, the thing about Will Smith is I can't figure out. He seems to. He seems nice and he seems like a lot of good stuff, but he seems sort of troubled or something or conflicted or something, some inner turmoil or something. Am I right? I've never met him.
- [121:22]
Kim Whitley
I don't think that's what it is. I think the inner whatever happened during the Oscars, that whole thing, because people have beef and whatever was going on between them, I think that's where his inner turmoil. I don't think he had turmoil before that except, you know, you got a girlfriend, you know how strong women are, and we gotta think about it. Money is money, Right? But personal life, I don't care how much money I have, if I have a love of my life and my children and something is affected, affecting me there personally. You don't think about the money. You don't think who you are.
- [121:56]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I get it. By the way, the documentary's called Long Shot.
- [122:01]
Kim Whitley
Wow.
- [122:01]
Adam Carolla
Cause the longest yard, I knew the longest yard had to be. That's a weird name for a doc you know what?
- [122:07]
Kim Whitley
I think I said it in another podcast. The Longest Wait. Yard.
- [122:10]
Adam Carolla
The long shot.
- [122:11]
Kim Whitley
The long shot. Okay.
- [122:13]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [122:13]
Kim Whitley
Goodness. You come on. Adam's show boy. He will correct you. Well, it's a little extra garlic.
- [122:18]
Adam Carolla
It's going right to me. I guess it's such a weird name for a doc since there's two movies called the Longest Show.
- [122:24]
Kim Whitley
Wait, when is your birthday? What sign are you?
- [122:26]
Adam Carolla
I'm a Gemini.
- [122:27]
Kim Whitley
Of course you are. Yes.
- [122:30]
Adam Carolla
Okay, listen, I just tell people that doesn't sound right to me. Like, I was driving here today. I was with my girlfriend, and I said, how long before we get to the studio? And she said, 40 minutes. And I said, that doesn't sound right to me. She was looking at her phone. I wasn't. And then she went, it says 40 minutes. And I said, that doesn't sound right. And then she said, oh, I put in the wrong address. 20 minutes. And I said, that sounds right, right to me. Now, I don't yell at people. They're wrong. I just say, that doesn't sound right.
- [123:06]
Kim Whitley
I like the way you do that, though.
- [123:08]
Adam Carolla
Well, I don't know for certain. There could be a third movie called the Longest Yard. That's a documentary about a Dodger fan who didn't kill his girlfriend. But it seemed like a strange title to give to a doc. You were good. So I just said, that sounds weird.
- [123:23]
Kim Whitley
But why is it even called the Longest Shot? Because it's a long shot for him to get released.
- [123:28]
Adam Carolla
Maybe I think it's called the long shot, but I'm not.
- [123:32]
Kim Whitley
Still strange.
- [123:33]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah. Long shot. It's just called long shot period. Not even the.
- [123:38]
Kim Whitley
And I'm in it. Larry's in it. We all got.
- [123:40]
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
- [123:40]
Kim Whitley
Yeah.
- [123:40]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [123:41]
Kim Whitley
And I like your Jimmy Kimmel comedy club. I played it last January, February, I had a little residency, and I'm going back this year.
- [123:48]
Adam Carolla
Oh, I'm wearing the hat right now.
- [123:49]
Kim Whitley
Jimmy Kimmel.
- [123:50]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Jimmy's a good guy. Did you were there? You're going back?
- [123:54]
Kim Whitley
I'm going back. I went, yeah, I was there January to February and then. And I'm going back this year.
- [123:59]
Adam Carolla
What's a residency mean over there? I mean, I come in and play a couple of shows and weekend and then I leave. But you hang out a little bit.
- [124:07]
Kim Whitley
Oh, you're there for. My residency runs Monday, Tuesday, and it'll go like January 5th to end of February. So you come back every. Just Monday. I mean, I'm Sunday, Monday.
- [124:18]
Adam Carolla
Are you staying in town or. No, you come back to la.
- [124:21]
Kim Whitley
I come back to LA and then I leave on Sunday morning. Fly or I drive up. And it was great. Because what I loved about Jimmy Kimmel's club is that it's tourists. It's constantly people from everywhere, all over the world. And I've never experienced that. So that was fun.
- [124:37]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I agree. I don't know what you think, but there are shows where it is your crowd, and when it's your crowd, it's a lot easier. And then there's shows where there's just a crowd and a crowd is not your crowd. That's just a crowd.
- [124:54]
Kim Whitley
I love that you said that.
- [124:55]
Adam Carolla
A crowd. And you better be able to. To make a crowd laugh, because your crowd, that's pretty easy.
- [125:02]
Kim Whitley
Well, that's what I was worried about, because I thought my crowd would be a bunch of black people. I walked. It was Asian people, white people. And first you're like, this is not my crowd. But what I realized is funny is funny. I do crowd work. I don't know about you. Do you do crowd work or you straight?
- [125:18]
Adam Carolla
Well, see, much like your mentor before he passed, I was with you. Everything was improv. Didn't want to tell the same joke twice. Felt weird about saying the same joke twice. Never liked it, never wanted to do it. Did tons of groundwork. Well, hold on. That doesn't have a happy ending, but it may be a helpful ending.
- [125:41]
Kim Whitley
Okay.
- [125:43]
Adam Carolla
I just said to myself, look, I can do the improv stand on my head. And it's not really much of a challenge, and it's kind of easy. But what is not easy is putting together an hour and 10 minutes of memorized jokes, writing jokes, fixing crafting jokes, and massaging jokes to make them better. And I thought, yes, that's what you should be doing. And then I thought, no, you don't really want to do that because it's harder for you. But you shouldn't be going up there just doing what comes easy. You should go up there and challenge yourself a little bit. And at some point, I said, I'm writing jokes and I'm doing an act, and I'm fixing jokes and I'm repeating jokes, and I'm not doing crowd work. And I do zero crowd work because I committed to doing, to writing and crafting stands. Crowd work I can do in my sleep. And I realized I wasn't getting anything out of it. And I want to put together an act, and I wanted to challenge myself. So I did it. I just went, you're good. It was like Michael Jordan dropping out. Of basketball so he could play baseball. I was like, all right, you can do this sport. It comes easily to you. Now stop and go do something that doesn't come so easily that you have to kind of work on and that you could improve on. I just got a good lesson from you. That could be something.
- [127:14]
Kim Whitley
No, that was a good lesson. You have no idea. You're absolutely right, I will. I'm gonna take your advice because you're right. Crowd work is easy for me if.
- [127:24]
Adam Carolla
You can do it and not everyone can, but if you can, it'll come pretty easily. Yes, but there's not a lot of growth in it. There's just a lot of comes easily. Are you sure it's not a lot of growth once you do 150 shows? It's kind of. You're just doing crowd work. I mean, look, it's really impressive to people who can't do it. But if you can do it, you can do it.
- [127:50]
Kim Whitley
But you're absolutely right to structure, to memorize and to do those jokes. Do you have a opening bit that you do all the time? Like just something I gotta say something to get the crowd. That's why I do the crowd work. Cause I need something to pop and get the crowd's attention.
- [128:06]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'd say start. Start working on a thing that's short and sweet and kind of grabs em and you'll just repeat it and it's a good opening out of the gate bit, you know, and then I don't.
- [128:21]
Kim Whitley
Have to rely on the crowd work.
- [128:23]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you just get a little, you know, thing at the beginning. Short, you know, but solid, easy, universal. Doesn't matter who's in the crowd.
- [128:33]
Kim Whitley
Like my Spanx are twisted it. But. But I know what you're saying. Just something that's universal. Yes, my wig is.
- [128:40]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, I do the Spanx in the wig joke. But if you want to do that, you got to do something else.
- [128:45]
Kim Whitley
You got to do something else.
- [128:46]
Adam Carolla
I do the Spanx and ask any comedian who's. Who's. Ask anyone who's who does the Spanx bit. They'll go, Adam, Carl, the Spanx bit. Who does the whip bit? Adam Caroll. This one. Who does the hair extensions bit.
- [128:58]
Kim Whitley
Adam, Carl, you gotta leave something now.
- [129:00]
Adam Carolla
Come on. No, I've taken it all.
- [129:02]
Kim Whitley
Oh my God.
- [129:03]
Adam Carolla
I do the Will Smith's. My best friend Will Smith.
- [129:06]
Kim Whitley
And you do that one.
- [129:06]
Adam Carolla
I do that. I've never met him, but yeah, I do that. I do that one. I go. First time I met him, I got my Spanx in a bunch because it was Will Smith. Almost blew my wig off.
- [129:16]
Kim Whitley
I gotta come see you. Will you give me a ticket? Do I have to buy a ticket?
- [129:19]
Adam Carolla
That was pretty much the whole act.
- [129:20]
Kim Whitley
I just did it for you. Oh, damn. Damn.
- [129:21]
Adam Carolla
It was all pretty much Will Smith. Spanx wig, some wig, like some extension stuff. Like I said, it's not all wig stuff.
- [129:28]
Kim Whitley
Wait, how long you been with your girlfriend? This is just interesting to me. She loves you or something? Because you're. You're interesting. You're a different kind.
- [129:36]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'm fascinated. This needs more garlic. Yeah. Scintillator. She loves it. Oh, my God.
- [129:45]
Kim Whitley
I mean, because I don't know you will, but I want to know you.
- [129:48]
Adam Carolla
Remember how you barely even knew who Larry David was and then later on you became in awe of him?
- [129:54]
Kim Whitley
Yes, that's true.
- [129:55]
Adam Carolla
I think our relationship's going to follow the same trajectory.
- [129:57]
Kim Whitley
Oh, it's already there.
- [129:58]
Adam Carolla
I walked in there. I didn't even know who Adam Cra was when I left.
- [130:01]
Kim Whitley
When I left, I was in love with him.
- [130:04]
Adam Carolla
Let me tell you what I got. I got Henry Winkler up here. I got a.m. sandler.
- [130:08]
Kim Whitley
Huh.
- [130:09]
Adam Carolla
Then I bumped Will Smith down to fourth place.
- [130:11]
Kim Whitley
I did.
- [130:11]
Adam Carolla
And I put in Adam Corolla.
- [130:13]
Kim Whitley
Boom. You put.
- [130:16]
Adam Carolla
Mount Rushmore.
- [130:17]
Kim Whitley
He's direct, but he's nice.
- [130:19]
Adam Carolla
No. Okay, let me. Let's talk about this. I never consider myself a nice person, but I think you can do better than nice. You can be consistent and you can be accurate and you can be truthful. And I know too many people that are using nice like some sort of spackle that's covering up a lot of other stuff and it's stuff that's not good consistently.
- [130:47]
Kim Whitley
But I don't know about this. I like, as somebody I would date, I like a nice man. Consistent.
- [130:56]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but let me say this about nice, okay? If you are consistent and you're thoughtful, you think about other people, you know, like you're the kind of person, you take your dog for a walk, takes poop, you clean it up. You don't care if someone's watching or not. That's what you do. If I say we're gonna meet at the restaurant at 8pm, I'm there there at 7:59. I'm not there at 8:25. You know what I mean? Okay? If you do all the things in life that are consistent, that are practical, that are thoughtful, you will de facto be nice. You'll be nice by process of elimination. You don't need like, oh, did you get your hair done. Oh, your hair. That's just bullshit. They don't even mean that.
- [131:46]
Kim Whitley
I need your girlfriend's phone number. I gotta talk to her.
- [131:48]
Adam Carolla
They don't need all that.
- [131:49]
Kim Whitley
We need it.
- [131:51]
Adam Carolla
You don't. You don't. By the way, I've been in the car. The second they hang up, they start talking shit.
- [131:57]
Kim Whitley
Yes.
- [131:58]
Adam Carolla
Okay, well, that's what they're doing.
- [131:59]
Kim Whitley
We want it, though. Every now and then, you need to surprise her to take her off her rocker. It's like, you look really nice in that dress. Do you ever say that?
- [132:10]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, but. But that.
- [132:11]
Kim Whitley
But I'm a rip it off of you do you. Can't see you being that guy.
- [132:14]
Adam Carolla
I just say pull it up. But yeah, I don't. No, listen, you say nice things. You're just not false nice.
- [132:24]
Kim Whitley
Okay, that's fair.
- [132:25]
Adam Carolla
You say you look nice in that dress because she spent a long time getting into that dress. That's all. And. Cause it looks nice.
- [132:35]
Kim Whitley
You can't say you took a long time to dress. Oh, that was almost like the garlic line.
- [132:41]
Adam Carolla
Oh, no. Nice.
- [132:43]
Kim Whitley
Every time I eat garlic, I'm gonna think about you. This is crazy. Okay? I know you have 700 things to do. Cause you're so busy.
- [132:50]
Adam Carolla
No, I know, I know, I know. You're the one who has to work.
- [132:52]
Kim Whitley
Hard and listen to me. I am. Oh, I do have something. I'm taking the cup.
- [132:58]
Adam Carolla
Take the cup. And the coaster.
- [132:59]
Kim Whitley
I'm taking the coaster.
- [133:00]
Adam Carolla
Do you understand?
- [133:01]
Kim Whitley
I'm walking out with it.
- [133:02]
Adam Carolla
All right, I'm taking the wig and the hoop earrings. How about that? Oh, God.
- [133:07]
Kim Whitley
I unplugged myself.
- [133:08]
Adam Carolla
Unplug yourself.
- [133:08]
Kim Whitley
You made me laugh. I lost the.
- [133:10]
Adam Carolla
I'm taking the broth, too. Oh, shit. Is that what you're talking about?
- [133:13]
Kim Whitley
Oh, my God, I love him. I unplug my thing. Wait.
- [133:16]
Adam Carolla
Oh, it doesn't matter. We're wrapping up. Kim. Where else other than Happy Gilmore 2 Can we find you? Can we go to a website or dates, Find live dates, that kind of stuff?
- [133:27]
Kim Whitley
All right, so you can go to social media. Across the board is Kym Kim Whitley. W H I T L E Y. And I usually post on my shows. Please go see that. I got, of course, Happy Gilmore 2 on Netflix. And I have another crazy movie. It's called Killing Mary sue on prime, which is very funny dark comedy. And me and Sherri shepherd have a podcast called Two Funny Mamas. And I have another movie that I'm trying to get to the Oscars. WalkInTheLightMovie. Dot com.
- [134:01]
Adam Carolla
So all that and we can all find it at your website. All right. Come in.
- [134:06]
Kim Whitley
I got to get a website.
- [134:07]
Adam Carolla
You got more time?
- [134:08]
Kim Whitley
I'mma need more time. Cuz you're too busy. Call me. Can you just invite me when you ain't doing like, well, you're the one.
- [134:15]
Adam Carolla
With the hard out. I just got a message from your rep that you got to go somewhere.
- [134:19]
Kim Whitley
I'm embarrassed now. The fact it's going to take me 10 minutes to take my bra off and sign it and leave it for you.
- [134:24]
Adam Carolla
I can get off in 10 seconds. You hear this? One hand look.
- [134:27]
Kim Whitley
Sure you can. You'll be like, oh, wait, the metal's. Wait, I don't like that color. You are so anal, Mr. Direct.
- [134:35]
Adam Carolla
All right, I'll be in Portland on Thursday at healing. Go to amcroll.com for all the live shows. Dusty Slay's got a very funny standup, Wet Heat on Netflix. Until next time, it's time for Dusty and Kim and Mayhem. Say it.
- [134:47]
Kim Whitley
I want to say this. I want to take a picture of you.
- [134:49]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [134:49]
Kim Whitley
I want to see where you are. I'm showing up.
- [134:51]
Adam Carolla
Mahala, pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-17442 shows in Portland, Oregon at Helium Comedy Club this Thursday night. Get your tickets right now@adamparolla.com this summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cough, Good Burger and Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now, pay Never. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now, pay never.