Erin Brokovich + Dana Gould (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Episode Title: Erin Brockovich + Dana Gould (Carolla Classics)

Podcast Information:

• Title: Adam Carolla Show
• Host: Adam Carolla
• Description: The Adam Carolla Show is the world's #1 daily downloaded podcast, known for its unfiltered humor, sharp insights, and candid takes on pop culture and everyday life. Featuring in-depth interviews and dynamic banter with a wide range of guests, the show offers engaging conversations and signature rants that keep millions of listeners coming back for more.

Release Date: April 19, 2025

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Summary: Erin Brockovich + Dana Gould (Carolla Classics)

In this special episode of the Adam Carolla Show, part of the "Carolla Classics" series, Adam revisits memorable moments from past episodes while also welcoming the esteemed environmental activist Erin Brockovich and comedian Dana Gould for a compelling discussion.

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1. Carolla Classics Segment [01:41 - 07:01]

The episode begins with a nostalgic clip from "Adam Carolla Show 656" featuring John Doe from the band X, alongside Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop, recorded in 2011. Adam reminisces about his early interactions with John Doe, discussing their mutual appreciation for classic films like Boogie Nights and Road House. The conversation naturally shifts to the band's harmonizing techniques and the personal dynamics that make maintaining a creative partnership both challenging and rewarding.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [02:10]: "I've always loved X. And growing up out here, I wasn't aware that X was..."
• Brian Bishop [03:14]: "They sold out the Greek theater in LA. So that's like 5,000 some fucking people."

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2. Band X and Musical Memories [07:01 - 22:24]

Adam and Brian delve deeper into the history of Band X, sharing anecdotes about touring, performing at iconic venues, and the intricate harmonizing that set their music apart. They reminisce about memorable shows, including one in Hawaii where Xene Zervankva confronted intimidating Samoan security guards—a testament to her fierce personality.

Notable Quotes:

• Brian Bishop [09:17]: "So as soon as someone, just like these guys would bang them back and like, boom."
• Adam Carolla [12:10]: "And when they say Xene, I want you to meet."

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3. Transition to Current Episode's Guests [80:46 - 89:06]

Shifting from classic clips, Adam introduces the episode’s main guests: Erin Brockovich and Dana Gould. Erin, renowned for her environmental activism and bestselling book Hot Water, joins the conversation to discuss her latest initiatives and personal journey.

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4. Erin Brockovich Discusses Her Journey and Book [89:06 - 231:03]

a. Early Life and Career Beginnings [89:06 - 131:03] Erin shares her upbringing in Lawrence, Kansas, overcoming a learning disability, and her path to becoming a prominent environmental activist. She recounts the challenges she faced, including high cancer rates among students at Beverly Hills High, which spurred her into environmental law and advocacy.

Notable Quotes:

• Erin Brockovich [189:07]: "But part of what bothers me about the oil platform is we even have documents that show the fire department..."
• Erin Brockovich [192:18]: "And I was thinking about it on the way over, just going to go."

b. People's Reporting Registry [213:02 - 231:03] Erin introduces her latest project, the "People's Reporting Registry," an interactive map designed to track and analyze environmental pollution and its direct effects on communities across the U.S. She emphasizes the importance of accurate data in identifying disease clusters and holding corporations accountable for environmental negligence.

Notable Quotes:

• Erin Brockovich [206:02]: "I believe every. Everything that makes us who we are today and sustains us as a society and has made Exxon comes from the environment."
• Erin Brockovich [208:31]: "We have 1700 spots right there where people have reported to me excess disease in their community."

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5. Dana Gould's Insights on Common Myths [231:03 - 244:55]

Dana Gould joins Erin and Adam to debunk prevalent myths such as alcohol killing brain cells and the misconception of left-brained versus right-brained personalities. The trio engages in a dynamic discussion, blending humor with factual information to educate listeners on these misconceptions.

Notable Quotes:

• Dana Gould [224:27]: "There's no such thing as left brain people or right brain people. And there's no such thing as specifically that left brain people have a certain personality and right brain people have a different personality."
• Dana Gould [224:45]: "They don't like the gore."

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6. Closing Remarks and Promotions [244:55 - End]

As the episode draws to a close, Adam promotes upcoming events, including Erin Brockovich's book signing and Dana Gould’s performances. He encourages listeners to support their initiatives by visiting their websites and purchasing their works through designated channels.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [245:04]: "So until next time, mahalo. And get it on."

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Conclusion

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show masterfully combines nostalgia with contemporary discussions, offering listeners both cherished memories and fresh insights into pressing environmental issues. Through candid conversations with Erin Brockovich and Dana Gould, the show highlights the importance of environmental advocacy and dispels common myths with humor and factual clarity. Whether you're a long-time fan or a new listener, this episode provides an engaging and informative experience that underscores the show's commitment to thoughtful and entertaining dialogue.

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Note: All time stamps are approximations based on the provided transcript.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

A lot of money.

[Adam Carolla]

Prices and Participation may vary. McDouble meal $6 in some markets for.

[Brian Bishop]

A limited time only.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

And if you need help, we could.

[Brian Bishop]

Recommend a shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today.

[Adam Carolla]

Auto Parts. Welcome to Kroll Classics.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm her superfan, Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast we play the.

[Allison Rosen]

Best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Kroll show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Croll Classics available through Podcast One Premium. You can also find ad free archives.

[Adam Carolla]

For the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show and exclusive access to Adam's brand new podcast, Beat it.

[Allison Rosen]

Out through Adam Corolla substack adamcarolla.substack.com, make.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure to sign up.

[Allison Rosen]

If you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsdamcrolo.com let's get to.

[Adam Carolla]

The clips coming up.

[Allison Rosen]

First we have Adam Carlos Show 656 with John Doe from the band X with Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2011. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. Allison Rosen.

[Dana Gould]

Good day.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm excited to have John Doe on the show. Always have been a fan, Grew up in LA and right back at you. And I was going through your IMDb page today and I knew you did some acting and I knew you were in. Actually I didn't know you were in some of these movies. Boogie Nights. One of my favorite movies of all time. Road House. Oh yeah, my. One of my favorite for very different reasons.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. But one of my favorite Fly under the Radar. No one's aware of it. Didn't know Jim Belushi could act movies is Salvador. I don't know if you guys know that movie Salvador. It's an Oliver Stone movie. It, it's, it's one of the movies where you go, man, that Jim Belushi is good. It's true. You don't know it from the sitcom world, but if you see that movie, it starts James woods and him. What was your role in Salvador?

[Brian Bishop]

It was based on a real character, some guy Surfer dude from up here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you were the surfer dude, right.

[Brian Bishop]

He. He had had pretty much success in, in surfing world and said, you know what, fuck this, I'm gonna get out of here. And he moved down to El Salvador and got married to a Salvadorian woman and started a big restaurant or you know, a medium sized on the beach. And he just, you know, kind of did his own downsized and said, fuck it. So I was kind of the guy that, you know, another one of the guys that. James Wood's character who was also, you know, based on a real guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the whole movie. Mid 80s, 85.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Something like that. Oliver Stone wasn't really totally on the map yet. James Wood, it was actually his first.

[Brian Bishop]

He made one other movie called the Hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the Hand. He made the Hand and then that.

[Brian Bishop]

Was the next one. So he didn't. He was still. I mean that was his first, like big, big, you know, deal. He didn't know whether to shit or go blind on the first day. He was like, holy shit, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll try to help. I'm going to get bust. It's going to bust. Yeah. For those of you who missed, and some of you did, I'm telling you, go check it out. It's a really compelling sort of powerful whatever movie. And James woods has turned into James woods now and Oliver Stone has turned into Oliver Stone. But this is pre before they were them. It's sort of like Don King before he grew his hair out or something. That was the real Don King and this was the real James woods and Oliver Stone when he was evil. Don King in John Doe. And I've always loved X. And growing up out here, I wasn't aware that X. You know, I would tell my friends who were from Boston or something, oh, I'm into X. They'd be like, they didn't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was a. And then X had a few. Definitely had some breakout songs and definitely def. But like I always love Once over Twice. Like I always. That's. That's really by far my favorite X song. And on.

[Brian Bishop]

On my iPad, you've been given the once over twice.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I just, I love, I love the harmony in it. And it's just. It's got a good hook but it's still got sort of a punk edge to it. And it's my favorite too. It's almost like. I know. Is it your favorite?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it's my favorite X song. Poor Girl is my second.

[Adam Carolla]

And yeah, this is you harmonizing with Vaccine, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

The harmonizing was so different and so interesting to me.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I gotta give Vaccine lot of credit for that because she didn't have your sort of traditional harmony kind of worked out. You know, X was her first band, so she just sang what came to her. And, you know, Billy had all this rockabilly shit going on. I was like the traffic director, right. You know, I was like the guy who put the songs together. And, you know, Xene wrote, you know, a good 50, 60% of the lyrics. And I would do editing. She would edit my shit. But the. The harmony stuff is, hey, why don't we just do this? Who gives a shit?

[Adam Carolla]

It's just something I hadn't heard before, that type of harmonizing.

[Brian Bishop]

But, you know, X is still like the same thing. You know, you'll say to somebody else and go, oh, I'm into this band X. And they'll go, who?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is good. Oh, totally.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, just in the work I've done alone, I feel like that's people that come around on X.

[Dana Gould]

True.

[Brian Bishop]

Actually, when you say X there. Oh, you mean the one that Adam Carolla was typing.

[Adam Carolla]

I must say this about Xene Srvanka came on Loveline about 12 years ago, and I couldn't stand her, really. She was in a bad mood or she didn't like me. Is there something I don't understand here? You were married, right? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, everyone has their moods.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she a nice person?

[Brian Bishop]

She's a great person. I wouldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

But you got divorced.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, because it was too. It was too, you know, 24 7. You know, we were in the band, which was Anne married. And some. Some. A lot of times that was great because we both knew what each other was going through.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

But, you know, when you said to.

[Dana Gould]

Her, like, I'm working with this bitch at work. She knew what you meant.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Yeah. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. I don't know how that. I don't know how that could possibly ever work. I mean. And by the way, here's how, you know, I'm a bad husband. Whenever somebody says, oh, I work with. I get to work with my wife, I'm always like, oh, man. Sorry, brother. And they go, no, it's awesome. And I'm like, okay. Because it just seems. You know what it seems like?

[Brian Bishop]

Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

I was going to say it seems like almost every relationship has some sort of number counter ticker on it. Which is to say, like, the way they measure jet engines before it's time to break them down and rebuild them. Is by the hour. And when you fire up that engine, that our thing starts going. And it's like every relationship has, let's just say, 5,000 hours. And if you work together and see each other every day, you will use up those 5,000 hours in four years versus you go to your work on that side of town, I'll go to work on my side of town, and I'll see you on Saturday. You can stretch that over a lifetime.

[Dana Gould]

Right. You can die with some life left in the relationship. You still have to play your cards right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you can will it to your kids. There's still something in the meter. Yeah. But working together, I mean, was that feeling of, like, you almost used up all your time in five years.

[Brian Bishop]

It was similar to that, except that I think it just was, like, constantly being identified. It was more X sane than myself. But constantly being identified with John and Axene, it became one thing, and she just wanted more independence. She wanted a little more, like, individuality. But Axene is one of the smartest people I know, one of the most, like, caring, and she's just. And she'll scare the shit out of people, too, which is wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

She did it to me.

[Brian Bishop]

Back in 1999, there was one time we played in Hawaii, and there were these. It was just this piece of shit club. It was in 85 or 84, something like that. And there was no stage, so they had put white tape on the ground, which is like, there is the border. You may not pass, you shall not pass. And so they had these giant Samoan dudes that were.

[Adam Carolla]

You just say Samoan. Yeah, I know. It's redundant.

[Brian Bishop]

It's redundant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So anyway, so these dudes standing up there in the front. And there's, like, one here, Xene's here, and there's one here and there. And they're, like, twice her size, easily.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe three times.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't want to be married to someone who's bigger than a Samoan.

[Brian Bishop]

So there was 400, 500 people there. And so just by the velocity, inertia, whatever, crouch.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So as soon as someone just, like, these guys would bang them back and like, boom. And so at some point, Exene, like, hits this Simone guy on his shoulder.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the one.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck you.

[Adam Carolla]

Fingers up like this.

[Brian Bishop]

And this Samanga, I was like. She's like this taller. He's this taller.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's the scene I met in 99 on Loveline. Yes. Zesty. Zesty. Well, and those were some crazy Days. Because those shows. I remember going to some punk shows back in the day. Although I never thought of you guys as a punk band. I don't know what you guys thought of yourselves as.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we did. I mean, like, to draw that line, you know, that was before and this is now kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I've seen a few of the. And people doing a lot of, like, stage diving and spitting and the mash. The mosh pit and everyone flying around and elbows flying everywhere. I'm surprised more people didn't get hurt. It was a different time because there were zero lawsuits. And I know people are getting their noses broken left and right. Right. I mean, you can't take guys scowing with their elbows flying around and wearing Doc Martens knocking over people without somebod busting an orbital socket once in a while. Right. Never seemed to be. I mean, when we saw the Plasmatics at Perkins palace, they blew up a Cadillac and glass was flying everywhere. And I had my head on this stage. I was like, we're up front. They blew it up. They blew it up. Never get away with that crash.

[Dana Gould]

So I don't think they frisked you as you went in and took out any possible sharp object.

[Brian Bishop]

No, as a matter of fact, they did at the. The Pomona Valley Auditorium.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And there was one time that they took away a bunch of butane fillers and lighters.

[Dana Gould]

How'd you curl your hair?

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck. I mean, it's like, I don't like you.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there was, I think, 50. Some were taken away from an audience of 1500 or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

What was. As far as X goes. So you guys meet late 70s, early 80s. When does the band first start to form 70?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I got here in 76. I met Xene soon after and. And Billy. Billy Zoom.

[Adam Carolla]

Billy Zoom. And.

[Brian Bishop]

And then DJ joined, like, sort of mid. Late 77. So by 78, we're all, you know, doing our thing.

[Adam Carolla]

And when does the first success start to creep up on Axe?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, maybe like end of 79. So we had a good couple of years to kind of figure out.

[Adam Carolla]

And when is. What was the best year, the biggest year, as far as if you were bragging about the band, which you wouldn't do, but I'm prompting you to do it. I'm forcing you to brag about your own band. Yes, that's right. I'll keep twisting. My dad was a cop. Tell me. Best venue, best year, best show.

[Brian Bishop]

I would say probably 81. 1981, where X was voted the best record Wild Gift was voted the best record by the LA and the New York Times, which is, you know, at the time, we thought, oh, that's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Cool.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you want to do now? And of course, we didn't have, like, a real publicist.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Because you just didn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

So it just kind of went by the wayside. And now I think about it as, like, wait a minute. We were the best record in the two biggest newspapers in the country. And that was while we were still on Slash Records and we sold out the Greek theater in LA. So that's like 5,000 some fucking people.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd probably be the. I was always one of the fucking people. I've never been 5,000, but. Hi. Give me a low. Can you give me an X low?

[Brian Bishop]

An ex low.

[Dana Gould]

Don't say right now.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no, no, no. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody getting in a fight, walking on stage. You and Xene having problems and having to perform together?

[Brian Bishop]

No, you know, that. That's. That's funny because you're talking about the. The life of our relationship getting used up. And. And the. Maybe the romantic part got used up, but the friendship part didn't. And that's. And that was. Was kind of, you know. Sure, it was hard, you know, when we had split in 85. Yeah, 1985.

[Adam Carolla]

To perform.

[Brian Bishop]

It was hard to perform. It was hard to, you know, but we wrote all these songs together still, and it became a little more separate. But we realized that there was. It was our livelihood, for one thing. So that was a great encouragement to stay together, you know.

[Dana Gould]

Was it tough getting into new relationships, but still having the band relationship?

[Brian Bishop]

Probably for the other people.

[Adam Carolla]

Xene, I want you to meet. Why? She's what I do now. We're starting a side project.

[Brian Bishop]

I would say a low.

[Dana Gould]

At least my name starts at the end of the album.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there was some times. There was some times when, like, Billy had left the band that we were playing, you know, smaller places, and it was kind of like, wait a minute, are we a fucking bar band or what? This is not like Dave Alvin. No, I was with Tony Gilkeson, but it was not necessarily his fault. It was just that we weren't being smart about where we played and when and stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

And Alison, you know so much about the band, for what reason? I know you have your own personal X story here.

[Dana Gould]

Yes. So I used to play in a band, and we actually opened for you at Club 369 in Fullerton. I was in the Angoras. I doubt you'd Remember?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, of course I remember.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, you do remember.

[Brian Bishop]

Billy was a big supporter, and then.

[Dana Gould]

Billy produced our album, Right? Yes, and then I do remember that. Good. And then I moved to New York and I interviewed you for Forever Hasn't Happened Yet. That was on the phone, though, and I believe you were. Where did you coach? Soccer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Or ref or something like that. For your daughter.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Yes. That's what I learned from that interview.

[Brian Bishop]

And go.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, my God. That. Okay, that's us playing at a.

[Erin Brockovich]

At.

[Dana Gould]

That's a reunion. Yeah. The. The bass player, Yami got married and wanted us to reform. No, exactly. That's not how we really looked.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have a picture of you at Red Rock that we can.

[Dana Gould]

Well, there's us at Old Ironsides in Sacramento. Remember that place?

[Brian Bishop]

That was such a piece of shit.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It was better than the Press Club, though. The Press Club had no monitors. That had one monitor.

[Dana Gould]

The Press Club, like on K Street or something?

[Brian Bishop]

I can't remember. It was sort of more downtown.

[Dana Gould]

I don't think we play there, but I know about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Shithole.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how do you feel? I'm gonna answer your question before I ask it to you.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, fine.

[Dana Gould]

How do you know your question?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I just told myself.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. Oh, John just sent it over to me. The thing is, when you. Everyone does that. Oh. Don't you want to get back to your roots and play those little smoky clubs and all that kind of stuff? Answer for me. No fucking way. I want a theater. Feels great. And I am walking out and filling the Greek Theater. Had to feel awesome. Oh, yeah. And I don't know, though. Do you want that smoky club or do you want the Greek?

[Brian Bishop]

I still do the smoking club. I don't have a choice.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you had a choice.

[Brian Bishop]

If I had a choice. I think you can get really isolated if you just play the Greek Theater. And I think that's kind of what drives people a little bit insane.

[Adam Carolla]

So. So back and forth would probably be the.

[Brian Bishop]

But I mean. And after a while, you get accustomed to it, and you love both of them because there are some times that are really fucking depressing when you do that. I went to this festival in Denmark. My good buddy Hal Gelb. Hi, Hal Gelb. I don't know if you're listening or not. From Tucson. He's part of the Giant sand. And anyway, he curated this festival in Denmark, and I went all the way there with my gal and worked out these songs with the band that was Hal's band. And I just Seen some. Somebody, some rock band before me the night before and There was probably 600 people in this club. It was just all fucking rocking. And I went there and there was like eight people. Yeah, I just thought, I didn't come all the way to my homeland to be shit on. Thanks very much. And I was.

[Adam Carolla]

It was depressing.

[Brian Bishop]

I was miserable for about four hours. And then I said, did you get paid? Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

But I bet some people felt like, wow, this is the best show ever. Because I know as an audience member, even though, yeah, there's energy in being in a big crowd, but if I could see someone that I really want to see and it's roomy and there's not that many people there, I would feel I would be more excited than if I could barely have a place to stand.

[Brian Bishop]

Just as long as you couldn't, like, ride a motorcycle around the people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No Vespa, but not a full fledged motorcycle. No. But Alison, I've had this situation before with bands I've liked and the part of me is, oh, great. I don't have to wait in line to get a Heineken or to take a piss and I can walk right up to the front of the stage. But then I also have two thoughts. One is, oh, I feel bad. I feel bad for these guys because I know these guys are bad. And then I get angry at the people who aren't there, except for it's hard to yell at those people.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

The only choice of people to yell at are the 14 people that are there. But why are you yelling at them? They're not part of the problem, they're part of the solution. Well, let's talk about acting for a moment, if we could, John. Sure. I really didn't know how deep this ran and how extensive this was and how big a career you've had from an acting standpoint. And then it makes me sort of think, well, what is it? If. And I know you probably like toggling back and forth between music and acting. What's coming up in the acting? Do you love it? Is it?

[Brian Bishop]

I do like it, but I mean, there's a lot of competition. And now I'm not, you know, I'm not 35 anymore. There was a really good space there. I did Roadhouse and Great Balls of Fire and that was, you know, like an 88 or something like that. I haven't done a whole lot.

[Dana Gould]

How did you get into it?

[Brian Bishop]

Originally there was a woman named Maggie Abbott and she had worked with, like, David Essex and David Bowie. She Was English and she worked at this agency and said, you want to do it? Allison Anders, actually, who did Gas, Food, Lodging, she did Grace in My Heart. Great indie. Oh, yeah, Great indie movie director. And Kurt Voss. They did this movie called Border Radio. That was the first thing I did. Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

David Essex, I think, had one of my least favorite songs of all time as a top 10 hit, which was called Rock on or something. Right. Is that him?

[Brian Bishop]

I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

God, is that song blue? Yeah, just tremendous. Hippo ass. You know what song I'm talking about?

[Dana Gould]

I don't think I know this.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll know.

[Dana Gould]

I have a feeling I do.

[Brian Bishop]

That it's a kind of English pseudo rockabilly.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a piece of shit. It's horrible.

[Dana Gould]

I think I'm hearing, or I'm hearing something.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, we gotta give it to the crack staff here because it's not like. All right, now listen. At minute 19, we start into the David Essex conversation. John, you bring it up, then I'll say it. You see that mark?

[Dana Gould]

Perfectly.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't have anything else to say though.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, Dawson, don't hit play immediately. People will know it's cooked. What I'm gonna need you to do is give me about a 20 Mississippi, like you're looking for a rock on, and then slide it in. Listen to this song. First off, it's one of these songs.

[Dana Gould]

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[Brian Bishop]

Adults with financial literacy skills have 82% more wealth than those who don't. From swimming lessons to piano lessons, us parents invest in so many things to enrich our kids lives. But are we investing in their future financial success? With Greenlight, you can teach your kids financial literacy skills like earning, saving and investing. And this investment costs less than that. After school treat, start prioritizing their financial education and future. Today with a risk free trial@greenlight,.com wondery greenlight.com wondery greenlight.coming wondery it falls under.

[Adam Carolla]

The heading of what do we need it for? There's nothing happening. I can't fuck to this. I can't fight to this. I can't do anything to this. Like, oh, wait a minute.

[Brian Bishop]

Was that David Essex in a baseball team? I thought he was English.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also one of these songs that thinks it's cool, but it sucks.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, and it brought on a whole slew of other very spare, sparse, kind of not doing anything songs.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't get the songs. Like, I get, like, you might not like Walking On Sunshine, but at least there's something to do to that song. Like enjoy a promotion or celebrate fucking the cheerleader or even being happy that.

[Dana Gould]

You just quit a job that you hated.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

That's that kind of song.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you trying to say?

[Dana Gould]

Oh, nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, this. There's nothing to do but really contemplate suicide. That's all you can do to this song is really think. Really. Does my family really need me?

[Dana Gould]

You can wait and wonder if it's gonna really kick in and then realize it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like you're.

[Dana Gould]

I'm, like, waiting for.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm also wondering how the business worked where somebody gives us a spin in 1979 and goes, hey, man, I smell a hit. Like, I would get this far into the song and go, we can't play this on the radio. People start driving into each other in their cars. Like, if I heard. Oh, here's where it gets really bad now when he goes, rock on here. Oh. He says, jimmy Dean. Here's where it gets made. Jimmy Dean. Oh, God, I hope David Essex is dead.

[Dana Gould]

Please tell me this is your friend.

[Adam Carolla]

No. He's just done more harm than good, this man. Even if he cured AIDS tomorrow, I'd be like, all right, we're even. If he cured AIDS and testicular cancer.

[Dana Gould]

I'd be like, still not worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

We're about even for Rock on. Because I've had to hurt. I've heard the song 1500 times. Oh, why do you torture yourself so loud?

[Dana Gould]

I know, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Why does he torture himself so?

[Adam Carolla]

I am obsessed with horrible music. And why we have to hear it, because I. I gotta. Here's what I want to say.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, he looks like a young Jay Leno.

[Dana Gould]

Yes. Crossed with Ahmed Zappa.

[Brian Bishop]

He was glam.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for Jay Leno as a big better musician. Number Two, Once Over Twice is a fucking great song. It's all of 2 minutes and 47 seconds.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I've heard it on the radio 12 times in my life.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And if I tune over to my Sirius XM, whatever, and I listen to hits from the 80s.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the 70s once or twice. Probably 79 or 80 or something in there, it'll never ever be played.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

But if I hop on in my car and I tune it into the classic stations, Rock on by David Essex will be played for the 2000th time today around the world. Why is it that America knows that piece of shit of a song and we don't know Once Over Twice? That's the part that drives me insane. And people go, well, look, people are dumb. They like this bet. No, they don't. They don't. They would like Once Over Twice a lot better than they like Rock On. They really would. Oh, my God. I just. There's some picture of David Essex.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my.

[Adam Carolla]

A young Jay Leno.

[Brian Bishop]

And talk about crack staff. Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Are on crack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It's amazing, isn't it? Does that make you angry? Unbelievable about you, because you can't talk about your own shit. But you know what I'm talking about.

[Brian Bishop]

I know exactly what you're talking about. But see, here was the music that was made, and here was the delivery system. And then here are the people that wanted to see it.

[Adam Carolla]

And Rock on was the upside down pyramid. Down hourglass into an hourglass, right?

[Brian Bishop]

So here were all the record companies and the publicists had all the fucking. That was the. That was the shoot it had to go through. And so that's why Rock On. Somebody said, I dig this guy. This guy's gonna. He looks. Look at those blue eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man, look at that. Look at.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at those eyebrows. Who. No, what happened was, is somebody dropped off a pillowcase filled with cocaine.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Every single person who spun records. And then it got spun. It's called payola. I'm convinced it's the only reason we know half of these horrible songs. The payola from the 70s and 80s, they sent over chicks, they sent over coke. The corrupt or horny or out of coke. Program directors and DJs spun this shit. And then once it got seared into our brains, we, in some sort of weird Pavlovian way, decided we liked it because it reminded us of a period of days of yore where we were captains of the football team and got nine boners a day. And now we say we like a piece of shit that we never should have heard in the first place.

[Dana Gould]

It's like the medieval Times of music.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. It should have never existed, Days of yore. Oh, yes. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Or something that should never have existed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Well, I have.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm talking about the restaurant, but go ahead.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, yeah, I am too. I have a question. When you first heard Axine sing, what did you think? Because you were talking about how she was so unconventional.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought it was awesome. And. And she. The first song that she sang was I'm Coming over, and she said, I've got this song. And she just sang it with no music behind it. And I said, oh, that's a. That's a great song. That's. You know, I should do that in my band. He goes, no. She said, no, you won't. I'll do that in your band if you want to do it. But, see, I think that there was. I wish I could remember the band. It was some sort of indie band, and one of their, like, recently, and one of their pitches for this record took a little longer to get warmed up to this record, right? It could have been Wilco or. I don't know. Whatever. Whoever it was. Whoever it was. And they said, you only really get this record after the fifth listen. And I just thought, that's such a crock of shit, because if you listen to anything five times, you're gonna go, oh, yeah, there's that part that I kind of like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, look.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is the. You know, amplifying what you're saying about, you hear. You know, if you get something seared into your fucking brain.

[Dana Gould]

I love my Alarm Clock.

[Adam Carolla]

I felt that way about the. It was. It was like that way with the Pete Ellis Dodge theme, you know, somewhere around the fifth time. Cozy Cow. Go see. Yeah, Anything. It's. That's what jingles do. They're piles of shit that gets sort of forced into your brain. And we then have done that with classic music, and so much of it is so bad and should have never been there in the first place. And so much got pushed aside to make room for that. And that's what drives me utterly insane from.

[Brian Bishop]

From my perspective, I don't care. I'm actually happy that we didn't have just one hit that said, oh, you're the guys that do that one song. You know, I mean, Los Angeles is a little bit.

[Dana Gould]

Have a certain kind of.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, is this Cal Worthington or Pete Ellis Dodge? There it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice headband.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a hot chick from the early 80s.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice headband. The first time I saw guy. Guys wearing those headbands, Recently? You know, like maybe two years ago. I just thought, oh, Christ, please don't bring back that hideous fashion. It goes to show you that nostalgia is all bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I miss a custom. Well, not old X songs, that's what. You know, there's a band, I think, out of LA called lax.

[Brian Bishop]

Lax? No, never heard of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Never heard of that band.

[Brian Bishop]

There was Zolar X. I think there.

[Adam Carolla]

Was a band called lax. I don't know if they're out of la. I just assume they were. Maybe they're out of Louisiana and they're out of. They're called lax. And they sung a Ronald Reagan Ride Them Cowboy song. That was a. You two don't know this one? No. All right, well, now. Now the staff try Lax Ride them.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, my gosh.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, they've already.

[Brian Bishop]

Holy. Oh, cheesy smell. Cheesy. I know this melody. I bet they moved.

[Adam Carolla]

Quirky, right? That's funny. If you know this. It's every diva song that's ever been written.

[Dana Gould]

I remember being a celebration of Reagan. Or ironic.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Cause it's gonna. It's gonna get into it in a second, I think. I hope they really joined that suede their asses.

[F]

Too soon?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Just to stop this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's just LA182 cowboy. Real John Wayne test.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, that's deep.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do I know this song? I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

You're. Because you're smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're an Axe.

[Brian Bishop]

I know some stuff. I don't know this.

[Adam Carolla]

Turn it up, Dawson.

[Brian Bishop]

Too bad about the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

The great thing is, though, the guy who wrote this song is bald now and fat, and he's probably working at a UPS store or something selling boxes.

[Dana Gould]

And every time someone says they're flying.

[Adam Carolla]

Into la, actually he's like, oh, yeah. Oh, he's probably telling no, but people come up to him and go, didn't you do Once Over Twice in the Blue Spark? And he's going, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was me. That was me. Oh, Lord. Oh, I don't know why I know this song. You know why I know this song?

[Dana Gould]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Because I grew up out here. Oh, here's where it gets into it. And I listen to KROC in, you know, 78, 79.

[Dana Gould]

Rodney on the Rock play this.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was probably like Rodney on the Rock playing this. And, you know, 79 or 80, when.

[Brian Bishop]

They go into this is like the gothic monk choir.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

This is where it gets scary.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They put on their black robes and, you know, do some satanic Weird. Huh? Wh O.

[Adam Carolla]

It don't end, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Dana Gould]

Ever.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not gonna feel like it's ever gonna end, but it's a song.

[Brian Bishop]

And the cheesiest of synthesizer sounds.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but when everyone was really coked up, I think it was. I think it was just what the doctor ordered.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the only frequency you could hear at that point.

[Dana Gould]

More the hand claps.

[Adam Carolla]

So the band was called lax, but John Doe from X never heard lax.

[Brian Bishop]

I've learned something new today, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Not too late for that lawsuit.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

They probably made a mint off the Ride of Ronald Reagan song.

[Brian Bishop]

Totally. That was before licensing and commercials and using. That's why they couldn't make I wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

Where they were out. I wonder where they were out of.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know.

[Dana Gould]

Anything to do with la.

[Brian Bishop]

The lv.

[Adam Carolla]

You think Ronnie ever heard this song? No.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Like, him and George Bush didn't even know what barcodes were. How the fuck would he hear this?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Well, it's weird because on one hand, you hear. You know, it's so. It's. We're living in a weird culture. Cause once in a while, you. You hear about these guys, and they've never heard of a Rubik's Cube or something weird. Like, I don't know what that is. And you're like, wait, you're the president? And then on the other hand, and you got Barack Obama talking about Snooki, you know? So it's like, I can't figure out what they know, what they don't know, and they should tell. Like, here's the deal. If you're the president and you just happen to watch whatever, Like, I know he watched sports. Like, there's probably some dudes he's watching who he knows. Like, they're aware of it. If his favorite show is Gossip Girl, like, he's got to say something to those cast and crew. You know what I mean? Is that show still on?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it just came back. He should be courting the Gossip Girl vote hard. That's a whole group of people who will be able to vote at a certain point, John.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. In another eight years, they'll be registered voters. By the way, John is going to be doing some shows. X is going to be doing some shows.

[Brian Bishop]

We are.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Back with X. The Wright Fest east in Philadelphia. That is this Saturday the 24th. Also Sunday the 25th. The Stone Pony in Asbury Park, New Jersey. Of course, we all know that. Irving Plaza in New York. So what's the X agenda? Get together Play some gigs.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, we. Some years we'll play 20 gigs. Some years we'll play 75. This is going to be a bigger year. We already played, like, a West coast run, and we're going to do some Christmas shows, and we're going to South America with Pearl Jam.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Oh, that's gotta be nice.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. I've never been there, but the. The schedule is fairly, fairly light. I'm just hoping that, like, the day is off. Because it's play a day and then have two days off, and then play another day and then a day off.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that with Pearl Jam?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So we're opening for Pearl Jam and I. They sold out this fucking soccer stadium in Sao Paulo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

In a day, you know, it's like 65,000 tickets. And I think the cheapest ticket is, like, 100 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

I hear that.

[Brian Bishop]

So they added a second show.

[Adam Carolla]

I always hear that. And then I have this sneaking suspicion that in a lot of these Central and South American countries that people are already in the soccer stadium. You know, I mean, just kind of hanging around going, something's gonna break out. Whether it's a game or a concert or something. At some point, I'm not leaving.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, what I want to know is, how do they. Who pulls the trigger? Like, okay, we sold out in a day. Let's put on a second day on sale. Like, who pulls that trigger? It's like, if you blow it, if that was all the people that wanted to go. And if you sell, like, half right.

[Dana Gould]

That'S the whole town.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, when you, like, three New Yorks.

[Adam Carolla]

Or something, when you sell out someplace that big, it's all about the speed in which you go clean, as they call it in the business. And if it's, you know, if I mean sell out. Yeah, it means we've gone clean. All the seats are gone. So if the gig is Saturday and you go clean on Monday, then you might add another show. But if you go clean on Thursday or Friday, don't do it. I got burned at the House of Blues in San Diego. But of course, that was Mike August. He was like, hey, it's Comic Con, man. We gotta add a second show. And I'm like, we're barely selling out the first show. And he's like, the place, the House of Blues is right at the mouth where all the kids let out. They have to walk past it to get to their cars. They're just gonna walk in. And then I got there, it was on some side street. Street and dark and had nothing to do with Comic Con. So be careful what they tell you.

[Brian Bishop]

Good old Sandy. So, yeah, so X is just, you know, we just go out and we play shows.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're going to be playing in front of. Well, maybe there's. Maybe it's a sparse crowd of only 50,000 people that show up because maybe 15,000 are filing in.

[Dana Gould]

Try to keep your chin up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. You still need to perform for those 50,000 that are there.

[Dana Gould]

They deserve a show. A real pro does the same show.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. So be professional. It means drinking a cup of coffee just to get the adrenaline going. Okay, so be it. Go out there and then.

[Brian Bishop]

Secondly, so glad that I came here.

[Dana Gould]

Because there are no small shows.

[Brian Bishop]

I would have just.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, you would have mailed it in in front of the 50K. Yeah. You would have looked out into that soccer arena and seen a couple of empty seats and been like, you know, where the.

[Brian Bishop]

Is Ronaldinho? And I'm out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got. I got a long list of names and there's a couple of checks that aren't next to them. So. So Pearl Jam.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Who I'm guessing can go out with anyone they want to go out with and fill soccer stadiums with them or without them, chose X. And then how did that work?

[Brian Bishop]

We played with them in 99 and kind of hit it off. They were, you know, Ed and Stone Gosser and Mike McCready. There they are looking good. Who just celebrated their 20th anniversary. Pearl Jam has been around for 20 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so weird when new bands are old.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And have been together twice as long as the Beatles.

[Brian Bishop]

They're a kick ass rock band.

[Adam Carolla]

They're a great rock band.

[Brian Bishop]

But anyway, so we hit it off and they said, you know, come on down to South America. They have Mud Honey playing with them in Canada right now.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. I just did this. They did a big festival outside of Chicago, East Troy, Wisconsin, called PJ20. And they had a songwriter stage, which I got to play on with a bunch of other great people. Not that I'm. But anyway, some other great people. And then Mud Honey. Queens of the Stone Age, the Strokes and Pearl Jam. A lot of dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Not too many ladies. That's all going to change in Brazil, my friend.

[Brian Bishop]

Especially on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

Brazil, that's all gonna change.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, because it's gonna be hot. There were thong backs to funerals over there. They consider that, you know, modest. Wear the black ones.

[Brian Bishop]

There's A crazy documentary of. That's not very good, but it's. It's all this sort of home footage of the Ramones in South America that's on the documentary channel, which is, you know, like the shitty documentaries that can't get played anywhere else. They have the history of the Biscuit.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know the Biscuit.

[Dana Gould]

That sounds compelling.

[Brian Bishop]

It was so terrible. There was parts of it that were okay. But.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So this. This tour will start when. Thinking about heading out, beginning of.

[Brian Bishop]

Beginning of November, going through Thanksgiving.

[Adam Carolla]

That's just goddamn awesome. And you guys do. What do they go? Hey, man, keep it to 15 songs? Or do they give you sort of a time or anything?

[Brian Bishop]

I imagine it'll be, you know, 45 minutes or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. And then.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is great.

[Adam Carolla]

Crack a beer and watch Pearl Jam.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'm going down there with my sweetheart and it's going to be fun.

[Adam Carolla]

It's going to be really fun. Jesus Christ. That sounds.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's a bunch like Brazil and Argentina and Chile and Peru and Costa Rica and Mexico City.

[Adam Carolla]

And the moral of the story for the kids that are listening is don't be a dick the first time you meet Pearl Jam. You know, when you meet Pearl Jam in 99 and you open for Pearl Jam in 99, be cool. Don't get into Eddie Stache. You know what I mean?

[Dana Gould]

Ed. I think his friends call him Ed.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't get into Ed's stash. Be cool. And then, you know, later on, 12 years later, when they're selling out a soccer stadium, your phone may ring.

[Dana Gould]

Does that mean don't get up in his face or, like, don't dig into his stash of drugs. His mustache.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm talking about drugs.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All of that. I thought maybe.

[Dana Gould]

Right. It could be don't get up in his stash.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's good. No, that's right. That's better than grill.

[Dana Gould]

It could be like, don't get in his tea.

[Erin Brockovich]

If he had a goatee.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, maybe. But see, getting into his stash would just mean, like stealing a bottle of wine. That's it. He doesn't do bottle of red wine.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never spoke to Eddie Vedder. I feel. I feel like I respect him and I'd love to interview him, but I've never had a chance to talk to him.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a. He's really articulate and he's a good guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, does he shun the spotlight a little Bit. Does he just not like to. You know, you don't see him on talk shows and things like that because.

[Brian Bishop]

He doesn't have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, you know what? I'm fine.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, it's like, I don't know. Alec Baldwin doesn't have to host Saturday night for a 23rd time, but I think he likes it.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, he probably. I would say, yeah, he does shun the spotlight because he. It's, you know, it's a little weird and for him and he's, you know, but he does definitely put his money where his mouth is. You know, he had a lot to do with that West Memphis 3 getting released and all that kind of shit. So he's an awesome guy, and I really, you know, have become a friend of his, and he's, you know, apart from being good to us, he's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

How does. My biggest thrill was selling out the Moore Theater, doing a comedy show, and then somebody telling me, oh, that's the Pearl Jam Theater. That's the one where he's hanging off the rafters and balcony and all that stuff. That's the Moore. And I was like, oh, man, that's cool. Even better. And how is. This might be. I don't know exactly how you answer this question, but. But how does X sound now compared to 20 years ago? More seasoned or less youthful or, you know, can you tell audibly a difference?

[Brian Bishop]

You'd have to ask somebody else. You can't, I think.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, you can't. I've seen them. It was a while ago, but still. It was sort of on when it was after the initial.

[Brian Bishop]

Sometimes it's faster now. I think we're. Well, we're not.

[Adam Carolla]

We're not.

[Brian Bishop]

Not as much speed while we're playing, but somehow we actually play faster and we don't get worn out as quickly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I want to talk about drugs. So more seasoned John X. And why he doesn't know the band LAX and where they reside. I gotta figure all that out. Quick spot for our good friends over at. We're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna get your mic fixed up. It's kind of sagging. And then give me a good drug story from back in the day.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, do that next with John Doe, it's time for the Voicemail of the Day, brought to you by eVoice a radically better phone number. Hi, Adam. My son's name is Ace, legally. Bit of a compusault because it wasn't named after you, but it's really Scary. Then he plays popcorn or football. He would rather have a pie over a slice of cake any day of the week. And then today, the ultimate was the dodger dog. He cannot stand Dodger Dog. So looking forward to a life of complaining with my little 10 year old son. Thanks. Have a great day.

[F]

Leave us a message at 888-634-1744 and.

[Adam Carolla]

Click the banner on app adamcorolla.com or.

[F]

Go to evoice.com adam for a free six month trial.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew I should have pulled out Evoice virtual phones that chip off the old block. Doesn't like Dodger dogs, but he loves pie. Evoice, it's a virtual phone number. Answers, routes, phone calls, home office, cell phone. Makes you seem like a big shot, even if you're small potatoes. Never miss a call and maintain that professional image. Here's the part I like. Voicemails transcribed into easy to read emails or better yet, texts. Nice. Call screens automatically and answer urgent ones. Now let the less important one slide over to email Evoice a radically better phone number. Click the [e-mail] or go to evoice.com adam for six months free. 6. I'd take herpes for six months if it was free.

[Dana Gould]

Yes, but I'd pay a couple bucks.

[Brian Bishop]

Then you're rid of it after the six months.

[Adam Carolla]

See, you know, who knows? I don't know, Things change with herpes or with this. Yeah, we don't know which way the herpes wind is blowing. Six months free evoice.com Adam check it out. All right, John. Drugs and drugs never to me. Never. I didn't know if there was or wasn't drugs. Of course, everyone just did drugs back then.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, not everyone, but most. I mean, really, our drug of choice was speed. And you know, methamphetamine. Even better.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the difference?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, like, you know, crystal meth is a little better made, you know, and then there's the real shitty, you know, crank speed. You know, just like when you snort it and go, your whole head would fly off.

[Adam Carolla]

Ryan this down because I got to talk to my kids one day about, you know, not getting the stuff that's been stepped on, right? Getting the better stuff. It's not gonna give you a headache.

[Brian Bishop]

I can't wait. What I did is I would always say to my kids, well, I know somebody, right? I knew somebody who blah, blah, blah. And then finally at about 14, you said, okay, it was me.

[Adam Carolla]

So you guys did. Now that seems like.

[Brian Bishop]

But it Was like sort of speed and beer. It's like the cheap speedball.

[Adam Carolla]

That seems like a destructive drug for a band to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the funny thing was, is that, and I can just speak for myself, I'm not going to incriminate anybody else, sure. But I just was very lucky and had a kind of pullback valve even with that, right. And after up for 24 hours, you know, blah blah, blah, blah, inventing governments and you know, turning into Hitler and stuff like that, then it's like some people think I'm coming down, what do I do? And I would always go, I'm going to fucking sleep. Yeah, I'm gonna go to sleep because I am torn up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Other people are like, I gotta get some more.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I gotta get some more.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta make this into 48 hours.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's like that does separate the recreational folks from the junkies. And that thing where people go, yeah, I stayed up for four days, I've done speed and by the way, you don't get to go to sleep.

[Dana Gould]

Which one did you do?

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever the cheap. I had no idea, I just snorted it. If you would have put laxative out in a line in my old apartment in 85 and said it was coke or speed or whatever, we just do it, you know, it wasn't ask a lot of questions. And so I, you know, you ain't going to bed, you ain't going, not that night, you're not going to bed. But at a certain point you feel like you're a prisoner to what went up your nose because you did a line or you did a few rails at 10 o'clock at night and now it's 5am and you want to go to bed, but you can't go to bed. It's same thing. Ecstasy does that too. And so you're thinking, please wear off so that I can get some sweet relief in the form of sleep. But that's the way I'm wired and John's wired. So then at 6:00 or 6:00am you do finally sleep for a few hours and you're a little bit weird the next day. But that thought of going out and getting more at 7:00am, I know that seems like more the same and more trouble. And by the way, I feel like shit already at 24 hours now.

[Dana Gould]

Don't you? But so you go to sleep for a few hours, don't you wake up hating yourself though? Or do I just have more self loathing regarding all this than you guys?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I would hate you.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, you Have Allison Loathing.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even know who you were. I was like, what the fuck is Allison, right?

[Dana Gould]

Pissed at that bitch?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I was like, all right, well you, you know, you did what you do. Like, it wasn't any big. I didn't judge myself. I didn't really judge other people. But it was like, eh. Parts of that were fun, but mostly it was a little much. And I'll stick to the tequila shots next time where I can just vomit, go to bed at 2am Cocaine was the.

[Brian Bishop]

Was the one where like put away the sharp objects the next day, right? Because somehow the depression, the come down of that was just too harsh. But I would say the most memorable drug moment that I had was doing mda, which is basically ecstasy, but a little stronger. A couple of different kinds of speed that make you hallucinate. And there was a big East LA contingent of the sort of of earlier punk rock era. There was a band called the Brat and the Stains. And they're all from like City Terrace or Lakeview Terrace.

[Adam Carolla]

No, City of Industry.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, City Terrace, I think it is. It's right, you know, near Lincoln and Lincoln Heights and all that sort. Anyway, they would come out to Club 88 on the west side and one of these guys had some mda. And I can remember snorting it and then sitting in the back of this awesome Chevy lowrider and watching the telephone wires go, switching back and forth, thinking, this is fun. Yeah, I'm a bohemian.

[Adam Carolla]

It does. I'm like Jack Kerouac.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh my God, it does.

[Adam Carolla]

I always say that, you know, Drew would always tell me, ah, you don't do anything, you know. And I'd go, no, you should do mushrooms once in your life just to snap you out of it. Because I never have. No, you gotta do it. I'll tell you why.

[Dana Gould]

So I have to go to Joshua Tree as well?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, we'll do it here. I'll just duct tape you to the chair so nothing happens.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, good.

[Brian Bishop]

Be at a place that you're very comfortable. Is. I would recommend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, here then for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't mix and match. Like, what you do is when you're doing mushrooms, make sure everyone around you is on mushrooms. Not one guy on speed because that'll fuck up your mushrooms badly. I was rolling on some mushrooms and my buddy Ray showed up high on coke. And then his girlfriend, higher on coke. And the next thing you know, we're locked in the bathroom and she's having a coke conversation with me. And I'm having A mushroom conversation with her, you know, and she's like, I love Ray. And I know you love Ray, and I know you feel like I'm pulling you two apart, but there's no reason why we can't be friends too. And I know there's this weird vibe that's between, you know, and. But. And I'm like, hey, man, I love you, man. And I love everybody. Ray's banging on the door, like, what's going on in there? And she's like, shut up. I'm talking to him. And what about. What about you now? Shut up. And I know we're both close to Ray, and I know you love me. And he knows you. He knows you love me too. And I love both of you. But when I want to keep you guys, and I'm like, I just want to watch. I want to go stare at the aquarium. I want to get back to the aquarium, nothing works. I mean, it was like. It was me and the wees and a few other people and moments early, just hanging, floating on a mushroom cloud. And then big bam. Bam. Cocaine Thunderclap. Her weird, paranoid bad vibes came in.

[Brian Bishop]

Cocaine Thunderclap. I think that was a band. That was a band that was opening for lax.

[Dana Gould]

I think that's an imitation perfume. If you like, you'll love Cocaine Thunderclap.

[Adam Carolla]

I have to play and I don't know why. Now you got to find the Jags.

[Brian Bishop]

But can I plug my new record?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a new record. It's called Keeper.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, let me see if I got that written down here.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it wasn't on there, but I.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn'T say it again.

[Brian Bishop]

Keeper by John Doe. It's. It was just out like two weeks ago. And it's good. I was on David Letterman and all kinds of shit. Things are going good.

[Adam Carolla]

Would people. Could people.

[Brian Bishop]

They can buy it.

[Adam Carolla]

Can they go to your. And would you prefer they go through your website?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't. There it is. I don't sell stuff on my website because then I would have to fulfill that request.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand.

[Brian Bishop]

So they can go to yeprock. This is the record label. Yep. R O C. Yeprock. And they're great. They're great company. Nick Lowe's on there and Dave Albin and some other young. Yeah, he's got a new record too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he does?

[Brian Bishop]

Like yesterday. What's today? Thursday.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Friday. Today's Friday.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Could be Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

Nick. One of. One of the better pop songs the last 30 years is cruel to Be Kind. Always loved that song. And it's great because it is just a pop song, but it's so well executed.

[Brian Bishop]

Every one of his songs has a little joke and a little bit of like a glint in his eye. And I'm like, I'm gonna grind this a little harder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Stick the knife in and twist it just a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

You ever know the band the Jags?

[Brian Bishop]

Jags? No, Is it Jag Off?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, kind of like that. Now you gotta find the Jags. I got your number written on the back of my hand. And I'll play another, another song from my youth.

[Dana Gould]

And then we should talk about the fact that John Doe has what Would John Doe Do? Which is an advice column.

[Brian Bishop]

Wwjdd.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really?

[Dana Gould]

You guys are both in the advice trade?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How does that work?

[Brian Bishop]

It's just this website called Know the Music Business. It was a guy that worked at yeprock.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Brian Bishop]

He split off and did his own thing and said, you want to. And you know, I don't, I'm not on Facebook, I don't have a Twitter account because I just, I. I don't have time to do it and I don't care. Just basic deal.

[Adam Carolla]

But other than that, you're into it 100%, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Anybody can do whatever the hell they want. You know, I live in Northern California. I don't care, man. Whatever, right.

[Dana Gould]

I like Kerouac.

[Brian Bishop]

There's the Jags. Anyway, so this guy said, so I meet people in bars when I'm playing, you know when I'm going out and they say I'm in a band. And this guy is a bass player. He's an asshole. And I don't know, but he's the one that does all the booking. What should I do? And it's like, well, how much of an asshole is he?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

So people write in and it's a little play on, you know, what would Jesus do? Wwjdd?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like a sort of a mentoring thing for young guys, but mainly people in bands and people in the industry. From a guy who's been there, done that, been around the block, done the wrong drugs, hung out with the wrong people, professionally, emotionally, just.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Been through it all.

[Brian Bishop]

WWE so. And most of them are pretty easy. And some of them are kind of like, I can't believe that you let this guy who just ran the tape machine list himself as producer. And now you can't get your tapes right. Quote tapes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So some of it is almost legal advice.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Which is like, you're such an idiot. You can't Say you're such an idiot. You have to say, oh, that's really rough.

[Dana Gould]

Have you had to become more of an asshole the longer you've been in the industry? Or did you start out like.

[Adam Carolla]

Or less start as an asshole?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[F]

Did you start.

[Adam Carolla]

Assholery or did you move up to this?

[Dana Gould]

I'm not saying you're an asshole. I'm just saying in terms of like.

[Brian Bishop]

Have I had to be tougher?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Yes, you've had to become tougher.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to become a little tougher because. A little more skeptical without being bitter or jaded. That's my thing. But see, I started out as being a pretty reasonable, you know, affable kind of guy. Like, somewhat like I am now and so. But you just. I am who I am, so fuck it if you don't like it, you know?

[Dana Gould]

So you just get an asshole to represent you?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, actually, I try to get someone who's as much like me to represent me. Not a nice guy, but someone who's a little more business heavy.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me if this is Mark Knopfler playing this guitar lick. Just listen to this.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it sounds like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Turn it up.

[Brian Bishop]

It's got the same shitty chorus thing that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, listen to the guitar. That's. Yeah, it's gonna. It'll come in a second and tell me if this is him. This part. What is that instrument when he goes.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a guitar, but it's just. It's processed. Heavily processed guitar.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what it is?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. See, I don't want to get into some Mark Knopfler territory.

[Adam Carolla]

But you don't like.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. Tell me what you don't like about him.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, he's. He's very facile. He can do a lot of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Skilled.

[Brian Bishop]

Skilled. I find most of what he plays pretty trite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. I know people love Mark Knopfler.

[Brian Bishop]

He just is like. I can. I can hear the. Where it's gonna go before, you know, like two choruses before. It's there and it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I've heard it.

[Adam Carolla]

You did?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that one, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's all very scale oriented, and I have no surprises.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you. You're that way.

[Brian Bishop]

But a good looking man.

[Adam Carolla]

You're that way more musically and. Or sonically. And for me, I'm that way sort of lyrically. I don't want to hear another song about a topic that I've heard a song about 200,000 times done before you. Even if you're doing a good job of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It always bothers me. And yet it doesn't seem to bother anyone else. Who else? Who else do you think maybe marginally overrated? Oh, music. Yeah. This could be long.

[Brian Bishop]

Such a vast.

[Adam Carolla]

It's huge.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an ocean. Not Charo. No, Charo is not overrated.

[Adam Carolla]

Played flamenco guitar.

[Brian Bishop]

She's the shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Coochie coochie.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's see. Let's see.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you like me to prime you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I could prime you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. See, because it's like, what are you listening to now? And it's like it immediately all goes out of your head.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I have a list of bands that have sold way. Had way too many hits where those songs were pieces of shit. YouTube, U2. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I think they're pretty overrated.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, listen, listen. Whenever my wife says something about U2, I'm like, let me get. Yes. Baka, baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka I'm the only guy I know. And everyone's like, they're awesome. Like, I'm sure they put on a good show. And Bono's down at the UN right now making some impassioned speech. And they sit around with just dripping and oozing attitude, but sonically. Bucka bucka bucka bucka buga bucka bucka buck I'm so glad I could prime you. This sucks. There's no reason to sit around and listen. There's no re. You don't have to buy a YouTube album. They'll play it on the radio. You can hear it a couple times. Good enough.

[Brian Bishop]

I was pissed off that they tried to take away Joshua Tree from us. Who the fuck are you? Are you coming over here? You're taking Joshua Tree from us? You're gonna be identified with Joshua Tree. Fucking Irish dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Toby Keith should have a song called Blarney Stone. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't go over there and say, oh, I'm Mr. Guinness. What the fuck?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel the same way with Bono. He comes over here and then he gets all preachy with our ass, and it's like, hey, man, go back to your own country and get pre. We don't need that shit. And I always said, like, how about, how would you like it if I sent Bob Seeger over to your country. And he just got all bitchy with you people. Like, what are you people doing about Africa? You'd be like, fuck you, Bob Seeger. Go back to Detroit. Preach your own fucking flock.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, what a genius stroke that was. Las Vegas is tawdry. Yeah, Las Vegas is shallow. Oh, my God, Really?

[Dana Gould]

I never thought of it.

[Adam Carolla]

I always feel that too. When he's singing about, like, Martin Luther King and stuff. It just feels like, what a cool guy. What would somebody sing about that no one could complain about? And I feel, And I've always felt that way about John Cougar Mellencamp with all this little house, little town, little people, working farmers and all that kind of shit. There's. Well, there's like your Phil Collins who's had a million hits and, you know, kind of liked him with Genesis a little bit. But some of that stuff, like, groovy kind of love and stuff like that. I mean, fact that those are good drummer, though, is insane. Well, no, some of these people, you have to. You have to separate their ability to be musicians and things like that from how many hits they've had. Yes. Hall and Oates. Good band who's had a lot of shitty songs and horrible, horrible, horrible man eater and all that kind of stuff. But I'm also. I feel that way about the Eagles. Good band who has a. Had a lot of shitty hits. You like the Eagles?

[Brian Bishop]

I can't stand the Eagles. Oh, the Eagles. The Eagles pretty much ruined music for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at you. You're a genius. John Doe that the Eagles.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know, actually, though, I have to thank the Eagles and I want to go on record thanking the Eagles, because if it wasn't for the Eagles and a bunch of other shitty bands in that time, there would be no punk rock. And so I take my hat off to all that corporate, you know, overindulgence, you know, bullshit that came.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, we're gonna write a song about a witch every. But. No, it's a metaphor. She's a woman.

[Dana Gould]

A male witch or a female witch?

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, let me think. I'm in love with your warlock. I wanna suck your war cock. I mean, yeah, they never. They never sing about that one.

[Brian Bishop]

I think you're onto something. I'm feeling a new bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Why all the witchy devil, Cat's Eyes, Nine Lives, Cajun Queen, New Orleans. How about we sing about the dudes who are in the witchcraft, the warlock. What about some love for the warlock?

[Brian Bishop]

I think that's the Dracula syndrome we're going through now. Maybe they're getting their do with all the true blood.

[Adam Carolla]

And I have. I've often said that the Eagles had some sort of.

[Brian Bishop]

Terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I love. I love a good song. Song where they're warning you about a lady. That's what's great about man eater. Hey, fellas, careful now. She's a man eater. She'll break your heart. She'll come on now. I hope you're sitting down. She'll come on all sweet but you break your heart.

[Erin Brockovich]

I've never met that.

[Adam Carolla]

You couldn't have seen that one coming.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I do have this joke that it's in my book that I was a kid about that I think the Eagles had some sort of meeting in like 80, 84, where they're like, listen, we're doing some pretty good damage with all our piece of songs as a band, but if we break up and spread out, we can create even more dividing Sonic vomit. All right, so you go off and work on Smuggler's Blues, and I'm gonna go do Dirty Laundry over here. It's gonna be awesome. And everyone. What happened. What happened to Joe Walsh? We had to toss him out. He actually wrote some good songs, so we didn't. We didn't need turn.

[Brian Bishop]

He could play.

[Adam Carolla]

And he had a good band. He had a really good band. He was with the James Gang, so he. We couldn't take his anymore. He was one of these guys who like quality songs with cool lyrics. And did you hear that, that Walk Away song? I mean, that's a good song. So anyway, suffice to say, we got rid of him pretty quick. We got to really focus on writing about smugglers and dirty laundry and dad at the Sunset Grill. And we got talk about witchy women. All right, let's focus on the basic people, which.

[Brian Bishop]

Which nobody called the Sunset Grill. I used to go to the Sunset.

[Adam Carolla]

What was that place?

[Brian Bishop]

It was a place that's still next to the Guitar center when the Guitar center wasn't there. And everybody called it Joe's Burgers on Sunset Boulevard, right? And it's, you know, like Sunset and whatever the fuck. Gardner. Where the. Where all the guitar.

[Adam Carolla]

Where the Guitar center was or is.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the Guitar center wasn't there originally, and it was just this little, like, you know, Chuck Berry flipping burgers on an open grill night and day kind of thing. And it was this guy from, I want to say Israel or Germany had a, you know, really thick Yiddish accent, Joe. And he was about 5:2 and about 120 pounds.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he the guy who said that he saw the deadhead sticker on the Cadillac and then said, don't look back. You can never look back. Does that. You think that was his? No.

[Brian Bishop]

But he did chase. See, the thing was, he served burgers, chips, drinks. No fries, no French fries. He wouldn't do it. And I know. And his wife, I can't remember her name. She was like the bigger version of him. They both had the same haircut, like steel, wiry hair. And one time I saw Joe come around from the back of the thing and chase somebody down Sunset Boulevard with a spatula. When they ask for fries, he fucking snapped.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Like.

[Brian Bishop]

Like the 15,000th time someone said, can I have some fries? And he just like, bam.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say he was Israeli because I feel like the Germans and their relationship and love of the potato would have embraced the fry, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's always a little catch as catch can with the burger joints where you go, like, I'll have the burger and the fries. They go, well, we got chips or we got the garlic fries, or we got the, you know, whole cut potato fries or the curly fries. I don't feel like I need that kind of variety. Just fry fries, potato fun times.

[Dana Gould]

When have you ever wanted chips over fries, though?

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Dana Gould]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a cop out.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, wait, but are they in the bag? Oh, good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

You never say that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's never a good thing. You want fries with your burger, you'll. The problem is they know once you're at the burger joint that you have compromised your eating values.

[Brian Bishop]

So you must have.

[Adam Carolla]

You must have eat them anyway.

[Dana Gould]

You're like a week.

[Brian Bishop]

You must have enjoyed seeing. It was like, you see the door there on the left hand side? That was all it was. There was no building. There was no building. It was just like an open grill. It was like something from the 1940s. And the funny thing is that.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me hear some dirty.

[Brian Bishop]

Don Henley was immediately outed because nobody called it the Sunset Grill. Everybody called it Joe's Burgers.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I didn't even know the story. I just know I fucking hate his songs.

[Brian Bishop]

So you must have loved Nose before that too. Anyway, there's not a picture of the. Of the other Sunset girl. But you must have loved Mojo Nixon's song. Then Don Henley must die.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just want him maimed, like with acid or something. But I don't really want him to die. Yeah, I'm gonna suffer for a while, mainly just for this song.

[Dana Gould]

All these Songs make me feel like I should be roller skating off a cliff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, me. To me, it's into a semi truck.

[Dana Gould]

But for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, for me.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

You're on my shoulders.

[Dana Gould]

So you live in Northern California? Where?

[Brian Bishop]

Near San Rafael. It's a little town called Fairfax. My gal and I just moved up there nine months ago. It's just a gorgeous place.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, by the way, Keeper can be found on Amazon.

[Brian Bishop]

Look at that.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you want to show us a little love, you can click through our. Our site, because we got a little deal with Amazon. You click through our site, you support our show, you support John Doe by getting Keeper.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm talking.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's the definition of win, win. Show us a little love. So if you're gonna go to Amazon for Keeper or anything else, click through AdamCroll.com and hit the banner. Now, we're just gonna sit here until they get into that course where they go, kick them when they're up, kick them when they're down. Kick them in the arm, kick them all around. What the is wrong with everyone, John? And who hears this? And goes, I need to hear it a second time.

[Brian Bishop]

They didn't have a choice, Adam. They were like lambs to the slaughter. And you hear.

[Dana Gould]

I don't even know what the song is about other than just kicking.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm just gonna keep going. Steve Miller drives me nuts. I can't stand his Gangster of Love was pretty good. I. I didn't like that song, and I certainly. What's the song I hate the most? Oh, Abracadabra.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you and me both.

[Adam Carolla]

That is. What do you think? The worst five songs you can think of? Five? Just horrific. There's so many.

[Brian Bishop]

There are so many. I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you? Yeah, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

But I would say that you Eagles would definitely have at least two great minds.

[Adam Carolla]

Great minds. I've been telling everyone about the Eagles forever, and they won't listen to me. And I'm telling about you two as well.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so now give me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple of great songs that people know, because when you talk to these guys who are in the industry, they pull out something from Radiohead before they formed officially, and it's on the B side of a wax cylinder that can't be bought, and you're like, I don't know what that song is. I want to. You know what I mean?

[Dana Gould]

It's actually never been recorded. This telling you about.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the guys from Radiohead thought.

[Brian Bishop]

About it, you know, I just. I just heard a joke. How many. How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. How many?

[Brian Bishop]

That's a really obscure number, and I don't think you'd know it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's perfect. I hate that. Because guys in the industry always tell you about bands you've never heard of. Of as their favorite band. They never go, let's Zeppelin, man. They just tell you something. But give us. And they don't have to be massive songs. But, you know, songs I like simple.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I think, you know, happy Birthday by the Beatles is a great fucking song. Or, you know, gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones is a great fucking song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I could go on. You know, there's a Waylon Jennings song that I covered called Stop the world and Let me Off, which is a little more obscure, but it was definitely a hit.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, Stand by your man. It's a great song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

When that. You know, the funny thing is, is it's all like. The verse is kind of meandering around. And then when it goes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You feel like you should be saluting and marching in place.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And also one of the funnier scenes in the Blues Brothers movie when they were singing Stand by your man. Yeah. At the end.

[Brian Bishop]

And also in what was the. Like, Get Shorty or. No, this. Where the rock was the, you know, kind of effeminate singer.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a.

[Brian Bishop]

And he did a video. Stand by your man.

[Adam Carolla]

Or there was a Get Shorty started it. There was a weird little movie.

[Brian Bishop]

What was the one about the music business?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll figure it out in a second. There was this. There's this weird little moment in time, and I actually think it was started by Pulp Fiction where they did this thing where it's like, let's get a whole bunch of super eclectic actors that would never work together, get eight stories going simultaneously and pull guys way out of their element. Like guys who are doing action stuff. You're gonna play a transvestite now and put them all together. And it usually didn't work. Or it never worked as. As good as Pulp Fiction worked. It worked. It'd be somewhere between Pulp Fiction and something that didn't work. But this was one of those. And this was five years old. Be cool.

[Brian Bishop]

There it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was. Be cool. Oh, yeah. Six years old.

[Brian Bishop]

But Dwayne Johnson was. Was that his name?

[Dana Gould]

The rock?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, I think it was.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not woman enough to take my man was the song that he did. Y And John Travolta is going, maybe pick a different song.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not sure that you're Dwayne Johnson. More talented than the people. One of my dreams, by the way, is to have a wrestling name and then an acting name. Like, you know, I'm the rock when I'm doing my sports stuff, but I'm Dwayne Johnson when I'm not that. I thought of another thing I wanted to happen in my life. I want to have some sort of situation where I'm in a, you know, club, a nightclub, a venue or somewhere, or maybe it's even a dedication, you know, cutting the ribbon or some. Something where there's a band, you know, like. And I'm talking about, like a college band with a glockenspiel and whatever, you know, whole brass band. And at some point, something breaks out involving me and the band conductor nervously sees what's happening with me and then looks at the band and does the double time Play that. Boy, they would do that in all the movies. Like something horrible went wrong. I'm getting to a fist fight with somebody and he doesn't. But it's always double time. And it's never. It used to be in every movie.

[Dana Gould]

Right. And it's always the conductor who has to make that call. Yeah. You never knew he had that kind of grit.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're watching. Watching.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what, Adam? I hope that that does happen. And. And, you know, if you live long enough, who knows?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You could be like, you know, Georgie Jessel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Going like, here I am. Remember me, Adam Corolla? I'm cutting the ribbon. And you start, like, keeling over.

[Adam Carolla]

They go, yeah, it could be either you having a stroke. Better. But more likely you get into a fist fight with some dignitary or something. But either way, that band guy who's up on the ladder has to be looking over shoulder what you're doing. See, something has gone horribly awry. And for some reason. Double time. Because it would seem to me that that would send the message of panic to everyone out there. Why not something. Why not slow it down a couple of clicks and play something soothing? Yeah, that's right. Fire up the enemy. Right. But instead it's always double time.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's like. Like, hey, look at over here.

[Adam Carolla]

It's when something goes bad at the circus, that's what happens. Like one of the trapeze guys. Yeah. Or the trapeze breaks and the guy. You know, they do that.

[Dana Gould]

You should be making your speech at a circus. Because that would up the chances that.

[Brian Bishop]

This would happen when you're smiling.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna get to a circus. I'm going to make sure that I'm at almost every circus and every opening of a high rise office building. New sponsor, just in the hopes something goes wrong and I can get the double time. I don't know if I should talk to the guy in advance. Like, look, I'm not planning on a melee, breaking out here, being crushed by an elephant, but you think he knows?

[Brian Bishop]

He'll know. I feel like that's part of being a band leader.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to casually say, what's the.

[Dana Gould]

Protocol if something unexpected breaks out? And see what he says. Yeah, test him, you know, make sure he's one of those guys that will go double time if he has to.

[Adam Carolla]

But what if he says, well, I'm going to run over there and try to sort things out. Out.

[Dana Gould]

Then that's not where you have to.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, well, you could do that, but you could get hit with a flying beer bottle or a punch or an elephant. Nah, I think you're best served standing on this three foot a frame ladder and instructing your band to play double time. By the way, the band always knows the song too. It's not like they launch off in 10 different directions. They know the double. They know the double time, elephant is gored somebody song. Right?

[Dana Gould]

And then there's someone, someone who's playing a brass instrument and like they're nervous.

[Brian Bishop]

It's because they've been in so many bar fights in the saloon.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of bar. All right, John Doe, this has been just a slice of heaven.

[Brian Bishop]

Been pretty fun.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the fact that you don't like U2.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We should start a group called we don't like U2 called, you know, so you realize I'm the only guy on the planet now who knows who LAX is but does not like Utah too.

[Brian Bishop]

That's good.

[Dana Gould]

You hang on to that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

You ever meet someone else, you have them taken out?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah. You're the other guy. Sorry, my friend. Fire up the band double time while I open a can of whoop ass on you. All right, as I said, live shows coming up this Saturday, Ride Fest, East Philly gonna be Sunday, gonna be playing in Asbury park in New Jersey at the Stone Pony and Irving Plaza, New York. Al, one more time.

[Brian Bishop]

Keeper.

[Adam Carolla]

Keeper. And again, you can get on Amazon, click right through our website. Clicking on through Win win. John Doe, this has been an absolute pleasure.

[Brian Bishop]

It is my pleasure.

[Adam Carolla]

Come back anytime you like.

[Brian Bishop]

Beautiful downtown glendalendale.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, this Adam Carolla for John Doe, Anthony, Allison Rose and San Mahalo. That was John Doe from the band.

[Allison Rosen]

X in studio with Adam. Adam, a longtime fan of the band X, with Xene Zervenka, even appearing on.

[Brian Bishop]

Loveline back in the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Last episode. We don't have it.

[Brian Bishop]

Apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

It was chaotic.

[Allison Rosen]

Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll Show 712 featuring Dana Gould, Allison Rosen and Brian bishop, also from 2011.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison, you had a dream about me.

[Dana Gould]

I did. I had a housewarming party and a lot of people came over and as you were leaving, you said, oh, it's a nice place. And I said, oh, do you want the tour? And so then I was giving you the tour. And then it turned into I was house sitting. So I was sort of discovering new things about this place as we were going by. And then there was a koi pond and I accidentally knocked over a cup of feeder goldfish, which is apparently what they ate. And I was concerned that people would know that I had had been monkeying with the koi pond because now there was too much food in there.

[Adam Carolla]

The koi's eat goldfish in my dream.

[Dana Gould]

They do in real life. I don't.

[F]

That's a sex dream.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

It wasn't until then.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Dana Gould]

But I think that came up because remember that whole. Don't be coy, Roy. You were saying you didn't even know there were fish.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Anyway, we were just.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it was like a dream and we were.

[Adam Carolla]

I was thinking about fishing the other day and I can't be the first comedian to come up with this, but the idea that they eat little versions of themselves.

[F]

Yeah. You need to buy. It's like when you buy crickets. You see crickets at the pet food store when you need to buy a pet to feed your pet.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But fish just eat smaller ones of them.

[F]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

They don't even have any tartar sauce.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just like, you see a koi and a koi eats a goldfish, and a goldfish just looks like a small koi. And it'd be like if Dana and I were sitting around going, I could go for a dwarf about now.

[F]

That'd be great. That would be great.

[Adam Carolla]

It would be great.

[F]

It would be good.

[Adam Carolla]

Although these dwarves would be on the run.

[F]

I know. And eventually I have to decide, now, is that a dwarf or. So is that lunch or someone standing 20 yards away? I can't decide.

[Adam Carolla]

And then at some point the worm would turn, would be Shaquille O'neal. What's going on? Hey, man, what's up? And he'd be like, how are you doing? Not so good. I got full blown aids. Full blown.

[F]

Full blown, which is when they say I have aids. How blown is it?

[Adam Carolla]

Full blown aids. Anyway, magic. You may want to munch on bald Brian over there.

[F]

That wouldn't affect magic at all. I'm feeling aids. I'm full blown aids. Tell me something I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good one.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm feeling marbled.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You want to come over here, robust.

[Dana Gould]

Be like, where do I find him? In this 6 foot tall Chinese food container.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. Yeah.

[F]

You have a dream where then you wake up and you're so relieved that it was a dream because it was one of those.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

Oh, my hand is not a roller skate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

Oh, Christ.

[Dana Gould]

I'm not back in school.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I have.

[F]

I have a classic on stage with the Stones. And you're giving a guitar you don't know how to play.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

And then you wake up, you're like, oh, thank God that didn't happen. Thank God I didn't ruin Altamont.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say, I think that had a bad ending anyway.

[F]

Yeah, but it wasn't me.

[Adam Carolla]

Wasn't you that caused the stabbing with the Hell's Angels. The thing is this. I don't know if you guys have this, but I have the dreams that make me happy to be awake. Dreams versus the I didn't just win the super bowl dream. Man. Am I disappointed.

[F]

Same way. The same way. Completely.

[Adam Carolla]

I here's how low my self esteem is. I, in a dream the other day, was not even having sex. I was beating off in a dream.

[F]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That is fucking pathetic.

[Dana Gould]

To who or what, though? In the dream, I was like, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Was in high school or something and there was some chick I had a crush on. But instead of nailing her dream a.

[Dana Gould]

Little bigger, Adam, I went back to.

[Adam Carolla]

My stepmom's house and beat off. That's fucking pathetic.

[F]

That's also the age that we're at. Like when you have kids and you're working all the time, if even awake, I see a hot woman and I will fantasize about jacking off to us.

[Adam Carolla]

So sad. I fantasize about Dana jacking off to a hot chicken.

[Dana Gould]

Sometimes I dream about being asleep.

[F]

Oh, that's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

And then we beat off to. I mean, yeah.

[F]

And just go tiptoe into the bathroom, gently remove the lid to the conditioner and chortle while you shower.

[Adam Carolla]

Dana, by the way, has himself some shows coming up this Wednesday night, December 7, at the Laugh Hole. Are you kidding me?

[F]

It's the hardest gig to plug. It's not the Laugh Hole, Adam. It's the Laugh Hole at Chop Suey.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what?

[F]

In Seattle, Washington.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, let me ask you.

[Dana Gould]

Trying to make it better.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask you this about Seattle. Where is this in Seattle? Because I've got. I got this. The first time I played Seattle. I was told I was playing Seattle, but I was playing Kirkland, Washington, which is something. It's like somebody saying you're playing Hollywood, but you're playing Hawaiian Gardens. It's not the same place. It's 22 miles away. And it's a totally different vibe. I was in a strip mall, and there's nothing. We always talk about this. There's nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

Ease and flannel sounds better than it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Strip mall. I know. It's horrible and it sounds awesome. There's nothing worse than comedy being performed at a place that started off as something else. Like a Pizza Hut.

[F]

Yes. And you go in the back room and you see the. The. You see the history of entertainment fads.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

The disco ball is on top of. The mechanical bull is on top of the microphone stand.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the dance floor that lights the back.

[F]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

There's. There's always a sofa that is way too big in. So that when you open the door, the door smacks the arm of the sofa and it's that weird vinyl bear sign.

[F]

A St. Polly Girl sign or a Budweiser.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

Mirror.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Usually.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That bad Spuds Mackenzie stuff liquor stores throw away.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They get tossed up there.

[F]

Put up there.

[Adam Carolla]

And a weird little room that people confuse for the bathroom. So people poke their head. Hey. Oh, sorry. Hey, Dana Gould. Hey, I'm coming.

[F]

Hey.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, you're gonna do.

[F]

And if it's a comedy club. If it's a comedy club. The worst thing is there will be somewhere in there a drawing of Groucho.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

Who, if they met, they would chase out of their club with a pitchfork.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure. Yes. Young Groucho. They keep flashing the flashlight at it. It's been three minutes. Groucho.

[F]

Erudite.

[Adam Carolla]

Moving on. Yeah. And then there's this thing where if you do order food, they wait till you start heading for stage, and then someone gets on a walkie talkie and goes, gould's heading for stage. Go ahead and bring us club sandwich out now with this. Extra curly fries so that they'll be there 90 minutes later, when you come off stage, everything of wilt, your fried.

[Dana Gould]

Fries, your frizzy fries.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Somehow the club sandwich gets hot, but the fries get cold. I don't know how that works. And everything's a disaster.

[F]

It's. It's repugnant.

[Adam Carolla]

So I did three shows three nights in a row in and Seattle in Kirkland's country strip mall and stayed and like, signed autographs at 2:00am you know, the night after. But I was like, isn't there a comedy club in Seattle? And they're like, not really.

[F]

Not really. That's the amazing thing. And there was a comedy club in Seattle that. I will talk about it now because the guy doesn't know it was. Made me want to leave the business.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[F]

It was literally. The guy had no waits. You go in. This is about five years ago, I guess. You walk into the club and all. They haven't taken down the eight by tens since the last time I was there, which was 1987.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And they're all dissolving in the frames. All the chemicals are breaking down.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

So it looks like a photo of Jerry Seinfeld's soul.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And. And then he didn't have a wait step. He had this. The concept of spending money to make money did not enter into his.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

He didn't have a wait staff. He literally came out and made an announcement. The Show's starting in 10 minutes. If you want to order a drink, now's the time. Then he would run back to the bar so people could come out and order their drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

There was a. And I could go on and on, but I'd have to cut my own throat. There was a step down in the club. Like a step. And the bulbs in the little under step light blew five years ago. So he had a cheaper way of solving that problem. Two mismatched traffic cones.

[Adam Carolla]

A not even from the same mother.

[F]

An orange witch hat cone.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And then a yellow tall, weird looks like Bert from Bert Nurney Cone.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And it was. And literally I remember being on stage going, what the fuck am I doing here?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[F]

What is wrong with me? And then. And then at the end of it, I got paid in cash, which is also completely unheard of nowadays.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it when the.

[F]

But now I'm at the Laugh Hole.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[F]

So step off.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is the laugh?

[F]

Apparently there's a club in Seattle called Chop Suey that is sort of like a rock club. Like King King.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And Laugh Hole is sort of like their version of un Cabaret. It's the alternative night at this venue.

[Adam Carolla]

So you'll be there the 7th of December. You do two shows?

[F]

I think we're just doing one. Me, Frank Coniff from Mystery Science Theater and my friend Kathy Sorbo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

And it's a, it's a nice sizable room.

[Adam Carolla]

Will you headline and do like 45, 50?

[F]

I do an hour. I do a fat hour. Do a fat hour and then the next night. Fasten your funny belt. The next night. Frank Coniff, myself and Trace Billieu from Mystery Science Theater.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[F]

Are doing. We are live riffing. They call it Plan 9 from Outer Space at the Seattle International Film Festival Theater on December 8th.

[Adam Carolla]

I was talking to Mike August about you and he somehow decided you were rich. And he said, oh, that guy's been with The Simpsons for 10 years. That guy's. Oh, he's sitting on a pile of money. He is rich. And I never know whether to believe the people or not. And I, I can't. It's a weird town because I've done shows that were successful and really didn't get paid for them. And then you hear about other people who do shows and got paid a ton for them. So I couldn't figure out whether Dana was rich. I wasn't going to believe Mike August.

[F]

Are you asking me if. I'm asking me if I'm rich?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm asking you, when you do these gigs.

[F]

Yes. Do I make for the longest money?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, not asking that. That. I know the answer.

[F]

I do it for the love of the game.

[Adam Carolla]

The love of the game.

[F]

Love of the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Love of the game.

[F]

Yes. I am not rich. I am married to someone successful.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And, and I am, for those of.

[F]

You who don't know, I'm married to.

[Adam Carolla]

Kurt Gowdy and so you don't need to go to the laugh hole.

[F]

No, I don't. I loved, I loved, I love doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[F]

I, I do it because I love doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Okay. Just like I'm going to love being at the Keswick theater tonight in Philly and the Royal Oak tomorrow night and Friday. And especially Love doing the two show Park West Saturday, December 3rd in Chicago and then the Paramount theater in Denver.

[F]

You have to honor, you have to honor your freak.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, I want to start traveling with people and have them do stuff, you know, like I want to open. I want to do. To open for me, who's not that funny. But yes, you know, can shave off a good 20 minutes.

[F]

That's a good, that's off stage. I'll tell you some lovely stories about people like that.

[Dana Gould]

Really?

[F]

I don't want to name checking anybody. Here's a guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Not funny, right?

[F]

But. Yeah, certainly none of my friends. They're all hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I understand. But not funny. But you're doing it for the love of the game.

[F]

Yes. And to develop material to do another cd. And. And I like.

[Adam Carolla]

You do it because it's what you do.

[F]

That's what I do. It's my. You have to.

[Dana Gould]

He's honoring his freak.

[Adam Carolla]

How.

[F]

Feed your clown.

[Adam Carolla]

How. How are the. How are the kids? At a dream. I punched mine. How. How are the kids? The adopted Chinese girls?

[F]

Oh, they're lovely.

[Adam Carolla]

And how. How old are they now?

[F]

They're. They're 27 and 9 now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, you got. That's right.

[F]

It's like having kids. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And we had. On Halloween, we had. The day before Halloween, we had a big sleepover. They each had. It's funny, we had 12 kids in the house. And my oldest daughter, all of her kids. Friends are all the misfits and weirdos. You know, it's the kid with one eye.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. She collects the broken toys.

[F]

Collects the broken toys. The kids, you know, the future misfit who's writing a play. The kid that loves bullets.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

It's just all the weirdos. And then my middle daughter is just completely. The Heathers. They're upstairs. They're in the room. It's. You can just see the different difference. They're so.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so. It's so weird. I went to Dr. Drew's house a couple days back, and one couple had the Chinese girl who was probably about 6 or 7, but sort of adopted my daughter. And they were playing the piano, and my wife made the proclamation that we need a piano now. Because, by the way, it's going to end up like a treadmill where you just take dirty clothes eventually.

[F]

I have a piano cloth clothes rack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Everything just becomes the world's most expensive clothes rack when you have a big house. But she was. And it's this. It's one of these things where I don't know what to do. Like, I'm not sure. Do you get this where people go, oh, are these your daughters? Like, I was talking to Clay Aiken, he was like, yeah, I'm in town. I got to visit my son. And I was like, you know, but do you. Do you just go, that's nice. Or do you go, what the fuck? You're gay? Or how do you have that conversation?

[F]

We were in that. We're in that culture, so I, I expect anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

But what I, what I get that's weird is I was on a plane, I had my youngest with me and, and the, the lovely flight attendant, really wonderful, nice lady. But so we're talking and she goes, now, do you have any of your own children?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. That's nice. Yeah.

[F]

And you just want to go, you're an idiot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[F]

You know, so you're a sky waitress.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Words matter. Yes. Your own. I like that.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Allison Rosen, by the way, do you have any of your own news, by the way?

[Dana Gould]

I do and I have adopted news.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you have adopted some news. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Dana Gould]

Palace police and riot gear.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a second. I know we got a little used car sponsor thing going on. Used cars dot com.

[Dana Gould]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You're looking for a car, right?

[Dana Gould]

Yes, I am. And I asked people to send me some suggestions to go to usedcars.com, find cars that they thought would be suitable for me and send me suggestions. And I was inundated with suggestions. So thanks to everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

But I have to get a truck from these guys. I'm looking for a truck.

[Dana Gould]

Well, maybe they should send suggestions to you now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm looking for a full size truck, people. Yeah. Used Cars.com. make finding a used car easy, quick and simple. So Allison, I'm sorry, just to cut.

[F]

You off, just to that end, feed right into it. How you can, what they call it, they should call it instead of a used car. Car rescue.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[F]

With my, with my adopted children and our, our rescue dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

And recently rescued guinea pigs.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[F]

We went to the guinea pig rescue.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[F]

If you, you could order, you could open a Cadillac rescue.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Previously owned Cadillac. Please rescue these Cadillacs. It just makes people feel better about themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you the greatest, more prone to buy, greatest moment of my life because I had my 5 year old son with me. I was at the park watching a co ed soccer. Nice. My son innocently. I've told the story on the show before, but I ran into a friend of mine and she had her dog with her. And she announced, as she announced 9,000 times every day, my son said, can I pet, can I pet the dog? And she said, that's right, you can pet her. She's a rescue. And My son, with just the innocence of a five year old, but also just the moral clarity, looked up at her and said, from what? And I realized, yeah, from what, baby?

[F]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

From what a free dog.

[Allison Rosen]

I think you guys could definitely develop this idea for the, the rescue thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Beat it out.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, there's a lot of guys out there with stepside stake bed crew cabs and half cab pickup trucks, small and large V8s. There's a lot of V6s out there. Don't have homes.

[F]

They just parked.

[Adam Carolla]

Just parked, gathering dust, slow panning shots over trucks.

[Dana Gould]

Sure, you could get any zuzu doodle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Like a labradoodle.

[F]

Just like a tow truck dropping a Mini Cooper into a dumpster.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Same same trucks that help build this country. Same trucks that haul your food to the stores, that carry your head. Hey. The same flatbed and stake bed trucks that built this country. Now many don't have homes. Right. Then that bald guy with the sweater comes out.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he says, just for about 18 grand, maybe 22 grand, you can take one of these trucks home.

[F]

And they do. And then they show the happy trucks. But before the commercial goes to keep you on the hook, they go back to the sad trucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Watching the happy trucks.

[F]

These kids are now eating delicious nutrition food and they're educated. But lest you feel good about yourself, you don't have to do anything. We're gonna go back to skeleton boy in the dirty shorts.

[Dana Gould]

When this commercial comes on, I have to change it right away. I just can't take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you're thinking about buying a car, visit usecars.com Adam now usecars.com I'm sorry. So I'm gonna get truck from these guys. But what were you saying?

[Dana Gould]

Well, I was saying yes, I wanted to give a shout out to three people, three special people. Although it was very hard to choose because everyone's sending good suggestions. But Wayne White, Jillian Garcia, and four eel were especially standout. So thank you. You will receive some kind of Adam Carolla swag.

[Adam Carolla]

And what, what did you decide?

[Dana Gould]

I haven't decided yet. But the reason I liked all of their suggestions is because they, I could tell they put effort into it. Like, it was like, you know, you don't want this car because that wouldn't fit your lifestyle. You don't want this, this. And a lot of there was a theme which is, you don't want Adam to make fun of you. And I was like, no, I already embarrassed myself with the fish food. You guys, I do it in my mind, Right. A lot of people recommended a Mini.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the Mini Cooper.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. And it would fit in my garage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's a lot of car. And, you know, it's funny. It's one of those things where, like, Fiat. The Fiat isn't selling that well. And I feel like I want to tell the Fiat. I want to have a conversation with the Fiat people the same way I want to have a discussion with the producers of Land of the Lost from four years ago.

[F]

I know those people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. I want to explain to them and go, yes. You have brand recognition in this country. We recognize it as a piece of shit from our childhood. That's what we recognize. Stalin and Hitler have brand recognition in this country as well. So does Malaria. All familiar names that we want nothing to do with. Thank you. I feel like someone. And you picking JLo, who drives a Maybach and doesn't drive one, is driven in a Mavi. Yes. She drives a car that has curtains and a divider between her and the driver so she can yell at Boy Toy du Jour.

[F]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is my gay porn name.

[F]

Boy Toy du Jour.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Her representing your. It should be Boy Twilight De Joie Boyle De Jo. Her picking JLO to represent your $11,000 car. There couldn't. There could not be a worse choice. It's gonna be worse. Human being on the planet.

[F]

Cargo shorts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Or whatever they are.

[Dana Gould]

Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield from Sweet Valley High. Because they drove a Fiat in the book.

[Adam Carolla]

I was about to say, then I would.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right.

[F]

What about the Volt?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

What's the word on the Chevy Volt?

[Adam Carolla]

Not selling well. But a good car.

[F]

Better than a Prius?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the vault is plug in and it also has. It has internal combustion engine in it as well. But you can go pure plug in Prius. You can't go pure plug in. Although they have a pure. They're coming out with a pure plug in Prius and. But its range is only like 18 miles or something. It's like crazy. On the pure plug in part, everyone and I saw some really cool BMWs, by the way, at the LA Auto Show. Everyone's going to have an electric car. Everyone's gonna have a dedicated plugin. Everyone's gonna have some sort of hybrid thing and it's all gonna be here. We're in this weird thing. As I've been saying for years, it's sort of like where we're at with CGI before cgi. Our parents just enjoyed movies like Bullet just Fucking Got right. Guys who just get into a car, take a shot of Brandy and go fucking apeshit. And if a couple stuntmen died in the process, so be it.

[F]

Al Needham welding a camera rig to the axle.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

Take it over the hill. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's basically like serious. Like how Needham like saying to, you know, listen, we need a hot blonde in this car. Sit on this apple crate, hang on to this rope. I mean, like shit like that. And that's what we got. But it was realistic. Like when you see the movie Pepe on and the guy jumps off the cliff into the, into the ocean. That's a guy jumping off a cliff. It's no, no cgi, okay? Future generations will enjoy a flawless CGI gi. We're kind of caught in between. And it's the same with the plug in and electric car. Back in the day, guys just drove around Hemi Cudas. They got eight miles to the gallon and gas was free. And who gave a right.

[F]

Chevy Wagoneers.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Five years from now, everyone will have an electric car that works perfectly. We're the rescue guinea pigs.

[F]

It's the. We are driving laser discs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. That's what we're driving.

[F]

Technology.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dana Gould]

I'm driving a Beta disc.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of people out there that don't have.

[F]

If anybody lives near a Volvo rescue, I need some for my cherry 1992, 240. I need some cuffs for the door lock. Stems.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[F]

I'm missing one little spat and it's like a front tooth is missing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they pop out.

[F]

Yeah. And you can't find it. And it's like somebody put a knife in my face.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my, my, my mom. Well, my mom and my stepdad who are exquisitely cheap, bought 20 year old Volvos because they claim they're the safest car. And I have to explain to them over and over again that, yes, your Volvo was a top consumer safety pick for 1968 when it came out. But now, but now there's cars with things called airbags in them. So the point is, is Your Volvo that's 26 years old is not as safe as the 50th safest car of today because we have today's technology. So if you're really interested in safety, you'll buy a newer car car. But then what they do is they buy cars that already have 120,000 miles on them and then complain that shit's going wrong. Alternators out. Right. Because it's run off of a catgut belt that was built in the 40s.

[F]

I gotta say one thing. Just. I drive a 240. It's one of my cars. And it is a tank. It is a tank.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes.

[F]

A Volvo driving down through West Hollywood on a rainy morning. And a guy's coming out of. Now here's West Hollywood, Southern California, rainy morning, guys pulling out of a tanning salon.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. In the rain.

[F]

Starting his day.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[F]

And he does that great thing of I'll just pull into your lane and stare at you until you stop.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

So I can make my left turn into the other lane.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

But I can't stop.

[Adam Carolla]

He's driving a tank, and it's.

[F]

It's raining.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And I slam on my. I'm standing on my brakes, and I just sail into him, and I basically break the nose of his car and.

[Adam Carolla]

And knock the mystic tan right off him. And. Yeah.

[F]

And all I had, and my car lost the fender trim. The front fender trim, which I had to delicately place back on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

That's the beauty of it.

[Adam Carolla]

And that little trim piece around the lock button on the driver.

[F]

Yeah, that popped off, too. And that.

[Adam Carolla]

The rose. Rosette.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what it's called? Well, on a. On a doorknob, that collar would be called a rosette.

[F]

It is a rosette.

[Dana Gould]

Like a diamond without it setting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Your door lock.

[F]

It also sounds like something you read in a Penthouse letter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[F]

She finally showed me her rosette, which.

[Dana Gould]

I found out meant she had syphilis. I think that's what it would mean. Rosettes would be late stage syphilis.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, where the hell were we?

[Dana Gould]

Police and riot gear and biohazard suits removed Occupy Wall street activists from their camp at Los Angeles City hall on Wednesday. Arrest nearly 300 people in fencing off the area. This was all over the news last night. 1400 police officers brought in on buses surrounded the Occupy LA camp after midnight and declared protesters congregated on the lawn, sidewalks, and streets around City hall to be an unlawful assembly, ordering them to disperse or face arrest in line with an eviction order from the mayor, your favorite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Mayor Antonio Villar. Villarrigosa or Tony Balar had originally welcomed the protesters, even supplying them with poncho for rainy weather.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair, he was wearing nine ponchos at the time and just pulled one off and gave it to the guy. That's his.

[Dana Gould]

They were breakaway ponchos.

[F]

He's an onion of ponchos.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It's just a Russian doll of ponchos. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

But as city officials complained of crime, sanitation problems and property damage, he decided the group had to go. He initially set an eviction deadline for 12:01am Monday, but city officials held off on enforcing it for 48 hours in the hope protesters would drift away on their own.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's where my Tacros come in. When my Tacros, my attack rows would disperse this crowd. No problema, number one. Number two, evidently, we, like the cockroach who's been poisoned too many times, are building up an immunity to pepper spray. I don't think pepper spray is gonna affect my kids at all. Like, they're my.

[F]

Unfortunately, neither will antibiotics.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Antibiotics, antibiotics, pepper spray. My grandkids will just be standing around while pepper sprays going off around them, going.

[F]

They're both like sweet tarts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Nothing. Nothing will affect them. Yeah. And by. And I can't remember if I mentioned on this show or not, but the air is so thick with patchouli.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That nothing, nothing could really cut through that.

[Dana Gould]

So the mayor has been trumpeting how proud he is of this whole thing quite a bit. He says, I couldn't be prouder of what I believe is maybe the finest moment in the history of the Los Angeles Police Department. Because they're saying it was. It was peaceful and there weren't any injuries. However, there are people coming forward now and saying, no, I did get beat up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who I would like then beat up? Well, it's just a bunch of wimpy hippies. You know what I mean? There's no wimpies. Yes, Wimpies. Yeah. As far as the LAPD goes, there's no brothers in there, so they're not motivated. You know what I mean? They're like, yeah, it's a bunch of white guys. Put the baton down. This is boring. And having to step through shit and clean. Listen, I'm just saying this. I've said it once. Say it again. We live in a community and in a society that's just chalk, filled with laws. Just. You can't park there. You can't do this. You can't bring this in. You can't smoke here.

[Dana Gould]

Can't be your wife with something bigger than your thumb.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You just can't do anything. You can't drive your kid around unless he's strapped in like Buzz Aldrin. It just can't do anything. So why can you just camp out in the street in front of the city hall in perpetuity? I don't understand that. Well, good. But even for a month, I mean, you can't park. I told you I had Dan Dratch his car towed in front of my house because it was parked in front of my house for 72 hours without moving.

[Dana Gould]

And they towed it because protest is protected in this country.

[Adam Carolla]

What? But I don't even know what. Here's the deal. I want to treat it like, you know, they have those dance a thons where they do like the jitterbug.

[F]

They shoot horses, don't they?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And at a certain point, some guy, an hour 23 comes up and taps you on the shoulder and goes, you two are just leaning against each other. There's no jitter bugging going on whatsoever. I want to hear some. We're here, we're queer, get used to it or hell no, we won't go. Like if I don't hear, if two hours goes by and I don't hear.

[F]

Some, some, some slogan, income inequality, I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

Turning a hose on your ass. Because you're done protesting. You're. Now you're just defecating. You're just hanging out shit in a tent.

[F]

Well, that, that is the problem. I'm all for calling attention to, to wealth, to income. And just the Richie Rich over here says that with wealth distribution, income inequality is valid. Point. But then you have a lot of what my French calls protest carnies.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Just hanging around.

[F]

They're just there. That's where the group is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're the sort of the ones. And by the one, the way, the ones that were there for a reason probably left three weeks ago. Now it's just a bunch of guys trying to get laid.

[F]

There's a lot of. I think there's. Unfortunately there's always a large degree of that. What's interesting is in the other side of the coin, when you had the health care protest rallies from the far right, which I went to, I went to a couple of those for real time with Bill Maher. You have. It's a different school, but it's the same thing. It's blue haired protest carnies.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

It's angry right wing reactionaries from Agora who just want to scream and shake their fist and they don't care what. It could be abortion this week, it will be fluoridated water, it will be blimps, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

They. I don't. That's the soul thing. Anybody who has the time to protest, I don't have time for. You can go out that afternoon and burn your bra or your draft Card. But eventually I'd like you to head home and feed your family. And if you don't have a family to take care of or you don't have a home to go to, then you're fucking homeless and I'm turning a hose on you.

[Dana Gould]

You don't even need to have a draft card anymore. You can just pull it up on your phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. And then burn your iPhone.

[Dana Gould]

That's kind of a hypothetical road trip. Would you rather be with a blue haired protest carny or a young, young protest carney?

[Adam Carolla]

The young protest carney smells more because he's got the dreadlocks.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's not into the Axe body spray or the dial soap or anything. So I'd say just for the funk aspect of it, you know, driving a car with the heater.

[Dana Gould]

Right? Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go with the blue hair.

[F]

The blue hair is also. They're waiting for the event, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

You know, is that the rapture?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

No, no. That's when the darker skinned people take over. That's their big fears.

[Adam Carolla]

And also when push, shove, you can take. When literal push comes to shove, you can take the blue hair out. Yeah. Open the car door. Push. Push him out at speed if need be.

[Dana Gould]

Tom, there's a bit which used to.

[Adam Carolla]

Happen in movies all the time. It doesn't happen anymore.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's a guy rolling.

[F]

Yeah. Now they do it when they're just dropping somebody off at the emergency room.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

Shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, what else?

[Dana Gould]

Occupy. Pro Occupy protesters in Montreal all were dismayed to find they had been marked by police with a special ink that is visible only in UV light after being arrested during a raid at Victoria Square Friday. Police said they borrowed the technique from bouncers at clubs and bars, and it is meant to mark protesters who might return to the square. They also do this at Disneyland.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Track hopper.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Caribou. But evident they're mating rituals.

[F]

And they do it at Sherman Oaks Kids Castle. And if your stamp doesn't match your kids, you don't leave with them.

[Adam Carolla]

Really smart. That's the Sherman Oaks Kids Castle?

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that the one that's off Sepulveda?

[F]

No, it's the one up by the airport. It is a great place to spend $400 in 11 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. I'm trying to picture that.

[F]

The Sherman, you go up by. You're up by the fries, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by Burbank. Right.

[F]

You kink a left a right across from the fries.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, that place.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought that place sold electronic Goods.

[F]

Wow, it's like an arcade now. Kids Arcade.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds awesome. Jesus Christ. I know. My son pissed me off because the Fry's is over there by the airport in Burbank. And the UFO fries, it has a big. Yeah, the big fiberglass UFO that's stuffed in the front of it. And a giant. You know, sort of. Them Ants. I think the movie was called Them Giant Ants and all that. And then across the street and down another 200 yards is Jay Leno's garage. And I told my son, hey, let's go to Jay Leno's garage. And he said, let's go look at the giant ant. And I said, you don't get it, kid. Anybody can go in there and look at a giant Styrofoam ant. Only me and a handful of guys from the Stanley Steamer Club are allowed into Jay Leno's spot. And he said, I want to see the ant. And I said, f you. We're going to see Jay Leno's fire truck. And he has big combines and he has sports cars and motorcycles, and he keeps adding wings on. And we're there for like a minute and a half, and he's like, I want to see the ant now. And I just. This close to backhand.

[Dana Gould]

Fast forward to Sunny's podcast. 30 years from now. All I wanted to do was see the ant, but my dad made me go Jay Leno's. I didn't care.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Fries. Oh, dear God.

[Dana Gould]

He's going to be an insect.

[Adam Carolla]

So I should go to that. I should go to the Sherman Oaks Kids Castle, which is right in the middle of Burbank Bank.

[F]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[F]

I think it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know where it is supposed.

[F]

To be called Kids Castle. I'm thinking of Sherman Oaks Castle. You're thinking of Sepulveda. That's a palva.

[Adam Carolla]

You're thinking of the batting cage and the pitch in the Putt Putt Golf, Right?

[F]

And yeah, Kids Castle in Burbank, right? And you go in there with your kids and they stamp you. They put that stamp on your hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

And then it's a great way to get. To keep your kids safe. You don't go, they don't leave unless you're stamped. Stamps match.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. But even you with your Chinese kids in your matches, they got to be looking that. Look down, look up, look down, look up. Be like, hold up there, Chad.

[F]

Nothing works.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you going?

[Dana Gould]

Do they have an array of different stamps or is it a pen?

[F]

It's a number.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they Give you a number, they match you up.

[Dana Gould]

A number. Does that make you uncomfortable?

[F]

That doesn't bother me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he gets the number 57, which is coincidentally the sweet and sour pork as well. It's a racist joke.

[F]

That's what I call them.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I call them. Sweet sour. So, yeah, some people are sweet sour and pork, the three of them.

[Dana Gould]

People are upset that they were marked with this ink because their hands were zip tied behind their back. And then they felt something and they said, what are you doing? They said, oh, we just wrote on your hand. And they showed them the pens but didn't say anything about this UV ink. And they're like, well, what was that? Metal scraping? And then apparently they ink does irritate your hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, give me a break. Everything irritates everyone all the time. Now stop it with the. Come on.

[F]

If it was a tattoo I give them, I go, okay, right. But if.

[Dana Gould]

How do you know it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, it does take four days.

[Dana Gould]

To wash. How do you know?

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dana Gould]

Billy Graham, evangelist. Billy Graham hospitalized.

[Adam Carolla]

He's still alive.

[Dana Gould]

I know, exactly. Well, yes, Right now, apparently, he's supposed.

[F]

To invent something important for humanity that he hasn't yet. Oh, so he just can't die until he comes up with it.

[Dana Gould]

Who told you that?

[F]

It's my theory on people that don't die.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're waiting on something.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

You think maybe it's just too full? Wherever the dead people are, sort of like jail, there's heaven overcrowding.

[F]

Well, that was the tagline for down to the dead. When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.

[Dana Gould]

Well, anyway, he's been admitted to it. First the Taco Crisco, now this. Admitted to a North Carolina hospital for evaluation and training, treatment of possible pneumonia. He's 93. He was hospitalized in May for five days with pneumonia. And there's no release date set yet. But he's looking forward to spending time.

[Adam Carolla]

With his family when Billy Graham gets to heaven. And then he just starts back up with the stumping and the proselytizing and everything. Doesn't someone go, eh, knock it off. Race over, Billy, you won. We don't need to listen unless there's a top shot shelf of heaven. Yeah, because what does he do in heaven? You know, his right. He's had 80 years of telling people how to get to heaven. Now he's in heaven. He does. He just cracked the USA Today sports page and kick back and relax. Or does he get back up on the stump and start talking again.

[F]

Let's assume as rational adults that heaven is as people envision. Disneyland with fog on the ground and everyone. And John Lennon's there, and Abe Lincoln's there, and you talk to him and have a good time.

[Dana Gould]

And people sit on clouds. That's how I see it.

[F]

That God would see Billy Graham die and just play the greatest prank ever of have a part of heaven that looks just like hell.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

And put them in it and leave them there for, like, a day.

[Adam Carolla]

Like the Madonna Inn. Like a one room.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

One room that looks like hell.

[F]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Even the light fixtures look like little flames.

[F]

An abandoned western town that no one's in. And let them wander on it for, like, two days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Just starts to really, really. And then go, oh, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That was awesome.

[Dana Gould]

It's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

And if God really had a sense of humor, he'd. He'd speak to the devil and be like, I need John Belushi just for an afternoon, please. Just. Just. And bring his rig. Like, bring him up here. I just want him to fucking come up here. And John would be hanging around, like, drinking all you and me, Billy. I. I need Janis Joplin and John Belushi. And she'd be drinking a Southern Comfort bottle and be like, hey, Billy. Yeah, we've been waiting for it.

[Allison Rosen]

And he.

[Adam Carolla]

He'd be like, what?

[F]

You know, what? If you'll send me a VW bus and Lee Harvey Oswald for 24 hours, right?

[Adam Carolla]

This is going to be awesome. And I imagine, you know, just like they do with the sort of prisoner exchange stuff that, you know, if you needed, you know, Mother Teresa or something like that to come down and do some motivational speaking or play a joke on some of your guys in hell, then that'd be cool, too. You want to bunk with Hitler or something? Yeah. Yeah, like that.

[F]

The other theory is that there is no heaven or hell.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[F]

And that we all. Wherever we go, we go to the same place, which, if it's true, is filled with furious, pious people.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

That's just Gandhi. This.

[Adam Carolla]

This is. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Hand me a Big Mac.

[F]

I could have eaten snow puffs, which I love. Pink snow puffs.

[Adam Carolla]

Tap so much ass.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I could have got more ass than narrow.

[F]

You realize the avalanche of pussy that was available to me?

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, no, no. And by the way, I was wearing a sheet. I could have got my cock out any minute.

[F]

I was commando my entire life.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. Yeah. Would have been awesome. Sorry. So Billy Graham, when he dies, if he goes to heaven, he says, my work is done or he gets back up on the stump.

[F]

I think he. He's. What can he say? He's with his boss. I think he just does. I think he does like lawn and garden care.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think there's much to say. Nothing to do. Nothing to do.

[F]

Yeah. Nothing to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Chick Fil a has a trademark on the phrase eat more chicken. And now they are suing a Vermont artist who's using the phrase eat more kale on T shirts in a letter. A lawyer for Chick Fil A.

[F]

He doesn't look like he's from Vermont.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the chap I'm looking at.

[F]

The People's Republic of Vermont.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Normally it's a very well built black man with a lot of tattoos on his neck. But this guy's white and looks hippie dippy. Very interesting. So eat more kale.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. In a letter, a lawyer for Chick Fil a says, Beau Mueller Moore. That's this guy we're looking at. And the artist.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

His effort to expand the use of his eat more kale message quote is likely to cause confusion of the public and dilutes the distinctiveness of Chick Fil A's intellectual property and diminishes its value.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain how every single Thanksgiving goes over at Beau's house when he goes and sees his elderly parents and family members. Stewart, pass the mashed. He wants to be called Bo now.

[Dana Gould]

Who's Bo?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Bo, pass the mashed potatoes. Nothing more annoying than an adult who chews. I guarantee he went somewhere in his mid-40s.

[Allison Rosen]

He started grandma calling us through a bow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's confused old people who can't fucking straight get it straight in their head.

[F]

Thanksgiving. You think you take off that goddamn Dark side of the moon T shirt.

[Dana Gould]

And then there's the people who will insist on calling him Stewart. I mean, Bo.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

He also looks like the classic rock. The. The DJ that's the king of the classic rock station, right. That you have to go to and plug your gig do for Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

I gotta tell you about Billy Squire and I. We pedded this town red one night, 1970. I'm gonna tell you something. I'm still living. I'm still living that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Still living that high.

[Adam Carolla]

Although he just calls him Squire.

[F]

Yeah. Me at Squire, I still talk to him. He lives in Oahu now.

[Adam Carolla]

I like when people explain that they still talk to people. You don't give a about.

[F]

I gotta tell you, me and Pat Matheny and Billy Squire and Greg Ken. I Thought. I thought they were gonna sell the country just to get rid of us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Pat Travers came back. I'll tell you, the lights did not go out when Pat came over. So.

[Dana Gould]

Chick Fil A.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. You can't say Eat more and then put something there. Why?

[Dana Gould]

Chick Fil a is very aggressive about trying to protect their intellectual property. Like, there's in this letter that Chick Fil a sent to Bo's attorney. The letter lists 30 examples of attempts by others to co opt the Eat More phrase that were withdrawn after Chick Fil a protest.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like this.

[Dana Gould]

Like, no, I don't either.

[Adam Carolla]

Like it when Michael Buffer copyrights let's Get Ready to Rumble and all that kind of stuff. And it's just. And then you got to pay him.

[F]

And there was a comedian in Boston who tried to establish the fact that Shut up was his catchphrase.

[Adam Carolla]

Eat more kale. It just doesn't feel like there's enough there. Eat more. Right.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Eat More has been put in a sentence before Chick Fil a was ever around, right?

[Dana Gould]

Not if they know about it. Well, see, here's the thing, though. When I first heard about this, I thought, okay, well, perhaps his Eat More Kale logo looks just like the Eat More Chicken Chick Fil a theme. But it doesn't. It's a green circle, and it says Eat More Kale. And it looks handwritten.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Brian, you love Chick Fil A. What's your take?

[Allison Rosen]

I do love Chick Fil A. I gotta say that. I can't. I can't see how they could possibly copyright Eat More anything. It's not even a phrase. It's just.

[Adam Carolla]

Just.

[F]

Yeah, it would be in the vernacular.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? It's. No. Here comes the judge. If that's what you're asking, someone should.

[Dana Gould]

Do, eat more pussy and see what happens. Because they're very, very religious.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, are they?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. So they might not want to get around that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Chick Fil A. What'd they do, get together with the In N Out guys and decide, hey, we gotta make fast food? Like, we're. We're devout, but we like the poison people. People at the same time.

[F]

Well, that's kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we love early onset adolescent diabetes. But we're also, you know, pretty, pretty thick.

[Dana Gould]

But we're not going to apply it on Sunday because there should be a.

[F]

Catchphrase that says, eat more pussy. And then soon there'd be another catchphrase that was just. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so anyway, Chick Fil A.

[Dana Gould]

Speaking of lawsuits, are they out here now?

[Allison Rosen]

Right, they're at a couple locations. They're all over the Inland Empire. But they also have one in. It's at Highland and it's Hollywood by Hollywood Highland. They also have one downtown by usc.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy did one of those power moves once. One of those. Nothing better than a guy who gets money and goes, fuck it, I'm having some fun, cousin. Actually, it was a double power move. Cousin Sal. Jimmy's cousin sal was turning 30. Believe it's for his cousin Sal's birthday, we had the party a At my party house in Sherman Oaks, which was a power move for my. From my standpoint, because I never. I didn't live there.

[F]

Right. It was a party house.

[Adam Carolla]

I was actually pissed off because there was one. I spent the night there once in my life. One time in my life.

[F]

Is it just a permanent Vivid video location?

[Adam Carolla]

I know that living room porn there. We would shoot hoops there and have fun there at a basketball court and all that stuff. I spent the night there one time. I slept on the floor. Floor. And I never thought there were three beds in the house. It is. You know, my buddy Ray and Daniel are on the fucking beds. And I slept on the floor. And I thought, jesus Christ. I slept there one night my entire life, and I was on the fucking hardwood floor. But we had a party there, and Jimmy called in Rowdy Roddy Piper.

[Dana Gould]

Does he still talk to him?

[F]

I still talk to Roddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, he brought in.

[F]

There's an oh now.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's a ski do. He brought in Chick Fil A too. It's a power move when you bring in fast food from another state.

[F]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

At that point, it wasn't in California.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And another. Another point. Rowdy Roddy got somebody in a sleeper hold at Jimmy's house and knocked them out, by the way, while me and John Popper from Blues Traveler stood there and watched Husky J. John. As far as far as I could tell, there's only one. Is there a thin John Popper?

[Dana Gould]

He lost a bunch of weight.

[F]

Thinner.

[Dana Gould]

Thinner.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. The thinner John Popper. This is a very jovial John Popper because he couldn't believe that Rowdy Roddy was actually putting a guy out in a chokehold.

[F]

Rowdy Roddy. They live Piper.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they live Piper.

[F]

When you have. It's tricky when you already have a part of your name in quotation marks to bring in yet another quotation question mark. Rowdy Roddy. They live Piper.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Sort of like a catchphrase baptism.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You could put on a.

[F]

It's a bukkake of catchphrases.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was. It was like the hitman. Tommy Hearns was also called the Motor City Cobra, which, by the way, he could have just been called the Cobra. Yeah, but he added Motor City to Cobra. And then someone added Hitman on top of that. And at a certain point, it gets confusing.

[F]

Yeah, King Kong, kill the Cobra.

[Adam Carolla]

Bundy, we get it. You knock guys out. Cobra worked, Motor City, Cobra worked, and Hitman works. But now it's confusing.

[F]

How weird is that, by the way? Ken Norton and Joe Frazier dropping dead within a week of each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Did. Ken Norton died.

[F]

Norton died, like, three days ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[F]

Spooky.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Ernie Shavers, look out.

[F]

Jerry Cooney, Check your closet.

[Adam Carolla]

They're coming for you. I did not know Ken Norton died.

[F]

God love him.

[Dana Gould]

Maybe I should have included it in my news. Who's Ken Norton?

[Erin Brockovich]

Norton.

[Adam Carolla]

Ken Norton.

[F]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Adam Carolla]

He was everyone's 11. He was a heavyweight that was just built like a brick house. And then his son, well, there he is.

[F]

There he is.

[Adam Carolla]

And his son played linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys in San Francisco 49ers. And it's always one of these things where you saw his son and you saw the big guns and. And the build and everything. And there was always part of me. It was like, oh, please. If you saw my dad playing in the NFL, would be in a confidence. When I see your dad, it's a fucking disappointment. I mean, look at this guy.

[F]

Look at that. Can you get a picture of him and Ali when they were fighting? He was one. Like, it was. They were amazing. Amazing. Just like. It was like if. Watching King Kong versus Godzilla, people.

[Adam Carolla]

He was, by the way, the only guy who ever looked better in boxing trunks than Ken Norton is Mike Weaver. And I used to. I used to live with Mike Weaver. I swear to God. I swear to God. I met Mike. You'll find a picture of Mike Weaver. Heavyweight. Mike Weaver. When I started as a boxing coach, Mike Weaver was working at the same gym I was working at. And I, like, sublet my Santa Monica apartment to him. And Mike Weaver on the right, who looked, by the way, like that when he was 42 and I knew him. I mean, the guy's just a fucking Adonis.

[Allison Rosen]

I miss black eyed chest hair from the 70s, you know, like, beat it up. Like, almost like an old.

[Adam Carolla]

Ouch. Fro. Yeah, fro hair. Fro chest hair. Look at that. I missed a fro chest hair like.

[Dana Gould]

An old stuffed animal.

[F]

It just looks like you're coming in over some grassland.

[Adam Carolla]

Find another picture. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Yes.

[F]

An old sweater that needs to be shaved.

[Dana Gould]

People still have chest hair.

[F]

A fully shaved sweater.

[Dana Gould]

Where did it go?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. It's where the flowers have gone. It's been a long time.

[Dana Gould]

It's hanging out with pubic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. I got chest hair, too, but we're guys who don't care.

[F]

Yeah, right. I have a chest hair and I'm not ashamed to say a full bush.

[Adam Carolla]

New guys. New guys.

[Dana Gould]

Join the club, sister.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I didn't know Ken Norton died.

[F]

You would never know if you went by porn that women had hair on their bodies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

You'd never know.

[Adam Carolla]

And I do go by porn.

[F]

Yeah. That's all I know anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Ken Norton's son, Ken jr. Did not. I don't know.

[F]

How does it make a baby when it's on her face? I don't know, but that's how people have sex.

[Adam Carolla]

He did not get along with his father very well. And Kenny Jr. Did not get along with Kenny Sr. For a while, as far as I can tell.

[Allison Rosen]

Best thing about Ken Norton Jr.

[F]

He doesn't look like he'd be a dick of a dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that. Looks like a delight.

[Dana Gould]

Looks nurturing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. What about Ken Norton Jr.

[Allison Rosen]

He played college football at UCLA.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Went on to coach at USC. Ooh, that's badass right there.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's also black guy, wore cowboy hat. I like that.

[F]

And judging from the corner of the Sports Illustrated part of his training was running bare chested into a cactus.

[Dana Gould]

A black and white cactus.

[Adam Carolla]

Find me a good picture. I have a color picture. Mike Weaver. All right, so the point is, is Ken Norton Jr did not get along well with Ken Norton Sr. You guys can look this up for a while.

[Allison Rosen]

I do believe they were strange.

[Adam Carolla]

They were strange. And if I were Ken Norton Senior, I would simply pay a visit to Ken Norton Jr. Who had a couple of super bowl rings. I think he had one. One or two.

[Allison Rosen]

At least two.

[Adam Carolla]

At least two. One with Dallas and one. All right. Find me one where you can see the guys. All right. I would pay him a visit. One of the Niners, I would pay him a visit. And I go, I know you know you're mad at me. I've been out of your life. We're not talking. You have an axe to grind. I get it. Now do me a favor, roll up your sleeves. All right? Look at your fucking guns. Yeah, okay.

[F]

Who do you think.

[Adam Carolla]

Where the fuck do you think you got those? And I would Say all is forgiven after your 11 all pro years in the NFL and your three Super bowl rings. Yes. Can we be even now? Because. Hold on. Jim Corolla. Come here. Come here. Who's that? Don't worry. Take your shirt. Take shirt off. Okay. You want to see what you could have looked like? All right. You want what? That means pushing a fucking broom instead of pushing whores around a hotel room. You understand? All right, now hug it out. Let's move on with our lives.

[F]

See, with me, it's reversing. You know, I can't enjoy food. You know, I have to go to the gym every goddamn day. Look at your gut. That gut is dying to get out. It's there. It wants out.

[Adam Carolla]

Geez, I did not know that. He must not have been older than 66.

[F]

Well, the wear and tear on those, you know, that's city miles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Those same highway miles. Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

In personal news story 66.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to find out how old he is. And I want to see a picture of Mike Weaver. Looking good. All right, where were we? Sorry.

[Dana Gould]

Well, I was about to say yes. I have to have surgery coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

You do?

[Dana Gould]

For the very first time in my whole life. And do you remember? I know. Just a little nip and tuck. No, I have some ovarian cysts and I have a family history lady problem.

[F]

Gotcha.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. My lady plumbing.

[Adam Carolla]

We're listening.

[Dana Gould]

Family history of ovarian cancer. So they're. They have. They're being all scared about it, and they're making me scared, and I. They put me under General. They will put me under General to do this. And I don't know if you remember on this podcast, I was saying that I'm totally afraid to be put under General, and I don't know why. And I was thinking about it on the way over, just going to go.

[Adam Carolla]

I need some milk to sleep. Mm. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. That didn't work out for well for him, though. Here's my fear.

[Adam Carolla]

Never know it.

[Dana Gould]

And just as I won't know it if I never wake up.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[F]

That's okay.

[Dana Gould]

I know, but it's completely irrational fear. I'm afraid I'm not gonna wake up.

[F]

Let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of dying?

[Dana Gould]

Yes.

[F]

Okay. Were you afraid before you were born?

[Dana Gould]

Yes. No.

[F]

See, this is good.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. Like, this is going.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, because of consciousness. Yeah.

[F]

When you. You will go out and you will wake up and it's literally like no time passed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

I take it everyone in this Room has been under general anesthesia. Most people have.

[Adam Carolla]

Delightful.

[Dana Gould]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The best part of life is when you realize you're coming out of it, but you're the only person who knows it.

[F]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You're under no obligation to move or say anything. You can just lie there.

[F]

Usually it's freezing, so you want to get the fuck up now because it's. It's.

[Dana Gould]

Are you feeling pain at that point?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. It's awesome. It's awesome. And at some point, someone's gonna offer you a juice box and a saltine, and for some reason, you won't be insulted.

[F]

And everybody will ask you if you've peed. Have you peed? Have you peed?

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Ken Norton isn't dead. Well, this podcast does air tomorrow, so who knows?

[F]

I am almost positive he died.

[Adam Carolla]

Dana, you're smart guy and you know a lot about a lot of things that I'm building. I'm building you up. I'm going to direction here, but I feel like heavyweight boxing isn't. Isn't one.

[F]

I know more about it than you think, but find out who else died. Find out what. Ali. What Ali? Historically, before this date, just Goofy Google who died? Ali opponent. Muhammad Ali opponent.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's Fess Parker. He died.

[F]

Somebody died.

[Allison Rosen]

Good wine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Ken Burns died. The Civil War documentarian?

[Adam Carolla]

No, somebody.

[Dana Gould]

Someone named Ken.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Okay. I still want my picture of Mike Weaver. Let's say you got to narrow it down. Just. He will radio people who've died.

[F]

Ken Norton.

[Adam Carolla]

Google people.

[F]

Listen. Listen to me, okay? My hand of God, Okay? Ken Norton will die.

[Adam Carolla]

If you have to take him out.

[Dana Gould]

Would you give him the same inspirational speech about don't be afraid to die, Ken.

[F]

Ken, don't be afraid to die. Unball your fist.

[Adam Carolla]

Ken.

[F]

I'm gonna shave your chest and we're gonna talk about death right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Let me get in front of my cactus. It's cacti. Unball your fist.

[F]

Do not hit me with your ball up fist. Do not strike me with your balled up fist.

[Adam Carolla]

You're so lucky that Thursday's bitch slap day.

[F]

I am pretty sure the world is wrong and I am right. I was at a. I was at a who concert once.

[Adam Carolla]

That's gotta be the name of your next concert.

[F]

I was at a who concert once. Well, there you go. Same thing. Same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, that's wildly racist of you, but.

[Dana Gould]

Makes me feel better. I don't know who that is either.

[F]

He's the famous porn actor. I was at a who concert once. Where Pete Townsend announced that Sid Caesar had died. And he had not.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[F]

To the entire Hollywood Bowl. I just heard that Sid Caesar died. Really terrible. I was like, oh, that's horrible. He'd go home. Nice. Fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, I know you're a huge.

[F]

Just another thing I have in common with Pete Townsend.

[Adam Carolla]

Alice. I know you're a huge Jimmy Out. Jimmy Ellis fan. And that's.

[F]

And a huge Jimmy Alec fan.

[Adam Carolla]

You should know who Ron Lyle is. All right, I need a picture of my copy. Weaver. Jesus. For the love of Christ. Can't find Mike Weaver, huh? Not interested. That's who he looks like.

[F]

So you're going to sit there and tell me with a straight face that Ken Norton will always be alive forever? Is that where.

[Adam Carolla]

So our. That's the argument. We're going to have our kids. Kids. Kids will perish when the world is.

[F]

Run by apes and the sea is dead and our land is a wasteland. Land. Ken Norton will still stride the earth. Fine. No, you're right. You're.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[F]

That's the thing about argument assholes who are. No, no, no, no, no. You're absolutely right all the time about everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[F]

Good one.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. And I also like this.

[F]

I was just trying to say that Bo Duke replaced John Travolta, and. Welcome back, Carter.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[F]

You're right all the time about everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that guy. I also like the guy who makes the argument with you about something that you know is wrong, and then you guys argue passionately for a while, and at a certain point, you come back to him an hour later with some documentation, and you go, remember what you were saying about Stratego? And he goes, oh, will you just let it go already? He knows he's wrong at this point, and he acts like you're obsessed. I. I hate that guy.

[F]

Here's the. This happened at the Simpsons.

[Adam Carolla]

I bet there's a lot of nerd on nerd rage.

[F]

Listen to the nerd on nerd rage on this one. This woman. By the way, if I tell this story, your ovarian cysts might shrivel up and fall out.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, do it.

[F]

From the lack of sexual arousal that will be emanating from your body. Got an argument over in the original 1977 release of Star Wars. Are you ready?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Speak directly at my.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we go.

[F]

That the. Someone argued that in the original 1977 release. When it came up. It came up with episode four, A New Hope, which I knew was not true because I saw it, and this Person freely admitted they didn't see it then because they were too young, but they just knew anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And check.

[F]

Four pepperonis are on the floor. I think your cysts are gone.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. He sealed them. He's healed them with his mind.

[Dana Gould]

I didn't know they were pepperoni.

[F]

I just imagine when they drop out, they look like pepperoni. But yeah, that's the kind of. And that's why being at the Simpsons is. I've said it before and I'll say it again. An avalanche of pussy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes. Because guys who argue over Star wars.

[F]

Did not say episode four of the 1977 relief.

[Dana Gould]

Was there any pussy?

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a picture of Mike Weaver with the shirt off? That's fine. This wildly peculiar. I don't think he's been photographed with the shirt on. That's. That's my point.

[Allison Rosen]

I wish. I wish lynch was here because I'm 90% sure he told a story where Kimmel pulled that same thing on him once. Where he's like, no, there's no way that happened. Whatever it is. No, that's not possible. Or whatever it was. Lynch spent the next hour researching it and, like, found. I think it was like Connect 4 or something. And found the rules online and brought in the box like, Kimmel, look, I have. Right? And Jimmy's response is like, I can't believe you wasted an hour on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was Stratego.

[F]

You know who would know the answer? Ken Norton. And we can ask him right now. He's never going to die.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. No color pictures of Mike Weaver.

[Dana Gould]

Well, now I want to know what was the debate over Stratego?

[Adam Carolla]

What happened?

[F]

Joe Frazier is dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe Frazier's dead? Yes.

[F]

And Ron Lyle is dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Ron Lyle. Lyle has passed away.

[F]

Okay. And Ken Norton has cheated death again.

[Adam Carolla]

It was. It was one of those death and sickle. Norton. Norton. It was one of those first world problem arguments. It was which Stratego pieces were worth what. Oh, yeah, it's the spy worth more than Commander Mustard or the Bomb or.

[F]

You can hear the women.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like a heated battle over what was worth more. And it was one of these things where Mike was explaining something and Jimmy explained that he played a marathon. He had a Marathon Stratego one on one competition with his son. Not that weekend, like literally two days earlier. He played 24 hours straight of Stratego and it was a nerd on Nerd Battle Royale. And Mike was obsessed. And Mike spent the rest of the day researching Stratego pieces and then showed up the next day at the writer's room with a bunch of paper that, you know, basically made and an attorney and a stenographer and Jimmy.

[Dana Gould]

A tape of the day before.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy knew that Mike had won the Stratego battle, but he was going to win the Stratego war by making Mike feel like an asshole for thinking, thinking about Stratego for the last 41 hours.

[F]

Non stop victory indeed. My kids are having an argument once when they were little, like 7 and 5. And they were the rooms across the hall. So it's like a, it's like a 1930s. My own children. My own children and their, and their battles are like a 30s drawing room farce because it's just doors slammed and people running in, out and out of doors. And my one daughter marches out of her room, goes halfway down the hall, stops and turns around and just goes, well, you don't even know the truth about mermaids. Slam.

[Adam Carolla]

One day the world will know you've arrived. All right, let's take a quick break. We'll come back with Dana Gould and we'll mop up with some more news next.

[F]

Doesn't need to look like an aerial photo of Art Garfunkel.

[Adam Carolla]

Dana Gould, everyone talking about pubic hair, ass funny even when he's not trying. Another good name for a Dana Gould Special this Wednesday, December 7th at the Laugh Hole in Seattle. Not because he needs to people, but because he wants to.

[F]

For the love of the game.

[Adam Carolla]

For the love of the game. Also, you can check him out at his website, Dana Gould.com you can Twitter him at Dana J. Gould. We have a little more news because.

[F]

Dana Gould is a douchey realtor in Natick, Massachusetts.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Right. So you gotta go with J. I should tell you as someone who's not douchey and or realtor discount tire in America's tire winter tires, baby, it's upon us. Yeah, man, it's like 71 degrees outside. It's really starting to get frosty.

[Dana Gould]

I built a snowman out of spoons and leaves.

[Adam Carolla]

I did it string out of fecal matter left behind from the Occupy LA people people discount tire and America's Tire winter tires. Well, not here, but everywhere else. Everywhere else within the sound of my voice. It is winter time and you need yourself some winter tires. Not just for the snow. They grip the road better in all season weather conditions. Especially when it's 45 degrees and below back in your native Boston area. I'll bet you it's freezing there and you could use some all weather tires. So let's begin safe drive with confidence all winter long. And I love these guys because they get me my racing slicks. And I gotta tell you, racing tires, they ain't cheap. And you can't use them very much either. Otherwise they get heat cycle and they gotta throw them away. And I always flatten them out because lock up the brakes all the time and it puts these flat spots in them and then they roll along. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just saying I am thankful for Discount Tire, America's Tire. These guys are pros. They do the mounting, they do the balancing. You can go online, it's all there. Good sponsors, good people. You need tires, how about you help out, show a little love to one of our sponsors. Get your winter tires today at Discount in America's Tire. All right, let's mop up, do a little more news. Allison Rosen. The rest of the news with Allison Rosen.

[Dana Gould]

Jesse Eisenberg is suing Lionsgate and Grindstone Entertainment for allegedly turning his less than 5 minute cameo in the film Camp Hell into an above the title star turn. According to the I love this story. According to the complaint, quote, Eisenberg is bringing this lawsuit in order to warn his fans and the public that contrary to the manner in which the defendants are advertising the film, Eisenberg is not the star of and does not appear in a prominent role in Camp Hell. Eisenberg is asking for $3 million in damages, which is more than the budget of the film. Film. According to the lawsuit, Eisenberg performed for one day as a favorite of friends who were producing and directing the low budget film. That was back in 2007 before he had received an Academy Award nomination for the Social network. When the DVD was released on August 9, the COVID allegedly features Eisenberg's name in large letters above the title of the film over a large photo of his face superimposed on an image of cabins in the wood in the woods. The film is about a deadly demonic infestation at a Christian Bible camp. I think I went to that at camp.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

And now he's saying that his right of publicity.

[Adam Carolla]

I read the book, but I've not seen this one yet.

[F]

It's based on the play.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The good news is it doesn't really look that much like him. When you hear his name. Yeah, it looks like him. But if he didn't hear his name, you kind of, if you didn't hear.

[Dana Gould]

Now look at me, you think it would be.

[F]

No, you know who it is if you take out his name.

[Dana Gould]

Andy Samberg.

[F]

No, the non blonde Duke of Hazzard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, he really fixated on. Oh, no, that was, that was. We're talking about the. Yeah.

[F]

Wasn't that a band for non blonde. Dukes of Hazzard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Rick Perry has the Bo Duke haircut.

[Adam Carolla]

The, the. The Dukes, the actual Dukes split at some point. One of the greatest men to ever grace the. The squared circle. One of the greatest heavyweight contenders ever. The Duke brothers at some point point split and their cousins took over.

[F]

Yeah. Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

For them.

[F]

There was a contractual dispute and their lesser paid cousins came in and drove the General Lee for a half a season.

[Dana Gould]

Didn't that happen on the Man Show?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it did happen on the man show and it never works because God forbid anything happens to me. If my cousin Greg, who sells real estate in Simi Valley comes in here, you're gonna have a shitty podcast.

[F]

It's like when they did the new Monkeys. People like the original Monkeys, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I always, always laugh about this because Logan's Run, when they would rerun it on Channel Nine in the late 70s, early 80s, it would always say. We now return to Logan's Run, starring Farrah Fawcett, who's in it for three minutes.

[F]

Three minutes and gets all cut up.

[Adam Carolla]

It's going to be even funnier when my kids can enjoy them going. We now return to the Hammer starring Jane Lynch.

[F]

That's true.

[Dana Gould]

Are they already kind of doing that?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure if the. When Hammer. When the Hammer gets on to Channel nine or. Or Channel five out here and two years from now. Yes, when I've, I'm long. I've long just drifted off into some kind of weird podcast Netherland. Gone the way of Kenny Norton, living eternally. Jane lynch, on her second year of hosting the Oscars. There will be. We now return to the Hammer starring.

[F]

Jane lynch, ironically, the woman who. Who is the female lead in Logan's Run. So, so much sexier than Fairfax.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Jenny Agater, British accent, who's also in American Werewolf in London wearing a hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Tunic the whole time.

[F]

Fully nude Bully in Equus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[F]

So beautiful. Beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. So beautiful. I love it when the nerd boner rears its ugly head.

[F]

God, it's just like an unscrewed chapstick.

[Adam Carolla]

Just.

[F]

Your lips are dry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

There go the sis.

[F]

There's. There's my cd Capless Chapstick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Angry, angry capless chapstick.

[Allison Rosen]

Uncapped.

[Adam Carolla]

Gathering, gathering. Pubes in your pocket and Bits of.

[Dana Gould]

Tobacco, even though you haven't smoked in a really long time.

[F]

Uncapped chapstick.

[Dana Gould]

Hot tunic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

What kind of hot tunic?

[Adam Carolla]

She was wearing. We'll have to get a picture from Logan's Run. But she was wearing.

[Allison Rosen]

We're still working on Mike Weaver.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, we got a good picture of Weaver, but the point is this fashion. I've learned from watching sci fi movies that fashion passions comes full circle. We eventually get back to days of old Rome.

[F]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

In terms of our dress guys, everyone just starts wearing tunics and robes with belts and stuff at all. It doesn't keep going.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Spanx was a phase and it's huge.

[F]

And Logan's Run is also one of this. In. In the 70s, the future was just an orgasm of turtlenecks.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[F]

It was just bukkake of turtlenecks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. A lot of turtlenecks and V neck tunics that went over.

[F]

Yeah. Ballora V neck.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of V necks.

[F]

The major West.

[Adam Carolla]

The apes as well. And I remember seeing Logan's Run in the theater when I was like 11 and it was like, it's the year 2005 and anyone over 32 will be. Will be eliminated. Yes. Remember when I was 11 going, that sounds about right.

[F]

Yeah, they're old.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sounds good enough. They shouldn't be driving. Not hovercrafts. What year was Logan's Run supposed to be?

[F]

I don't. I don't know. I. All I remember just because I. It's so Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, which had a massive turtleneck budget.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

Which had a huge. A groaning turtleneck budget. It starts off with North America, 1991. Gorillas are driving cars.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you that. I recently saw the Battle for the Conquest of.

[F]

But pick one.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was Ken Norton being living or dead.

[F]

That's. Whatever. This is important.

[Adam Carolla]

This is where the planet. The. The time traveling apes came to our. That would be a.

[F]

That would be Escape from the planet 71.

[Adam Carolla]

And I watched it for like 20 minutes and I thought, man, does this suck.

[F]

It's a great. It's an episode of Love American Style.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And. And at a certain point I realized, oh, I know what happened. What happened is somebody said, do you know how much money it costs to take 250 extras and put them in ape prosthetics? How many makeup artists? How many specialized union people?

[Dana Gould]

We have all these turtlenecks.

[Adam Carolla]

God damn. I have a better idea. Why don't we just have three apes in our reality and then we won't sell. Have to pay for all the super expensive prosthesis aesthetics and that.

[F]

But the. Yet the next one, which was Conquest, that took place in 1991, which is basically the movie that came out this summer, was a remake of that movie, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She's hot, by the way. We just saw her cost less than.

[F]

The one with the cost less.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah, because that one was a piece of Escape from the Planet.

[F]

Yeah, it was. That was. I saw. I saw that. That might have been.

[Adam Carolla]

That was like Sal Mineo's last movie.

[F]

It was one of the first movies I ever saw. I saw it at the Menden Drive in, which is still going. Wow, Mr. Popper's penguins there this summer.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they supplementing drive in money by having a flea market on Sunday while the sun is shining?

[F]

I don't. I don't think so. Whoever bought it, now I. Contact me, I'll give you money. They. They expanded it to two screens and it runs like Memorial Day to Labor Day or Memorial Day to, like, October. I was. I'd work there and high school and.

[Dana Gould]

Did you wear roller skates?

[F]

No, I did not. I was. I was not. I was equally uncool, but for a different reason. But no, they do it. They just. They shined it up and it's great. It's so great.

[Adam Carolla]

My biggest thrill as a. As a young youngster growing up here in North Hollywood was driving along the freeways at night and seeing the drive. The drive in theaters and going. What is that? The Longest Yard? What is playing?

[F]

Yeah, what is that? Yeah, it was always that. Or.

[Adam Carolla]

And every once in a while it was a R rated thing and it was like, oh, the deep. Oh, look at Jacqueline Bessette's boob.

[Allison Rosen]

I was just about to say, were there laws against projecting Giant?

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[F]

It was always. Or Le Mons.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Steve McQueen in there or whoever it was. But Bobby Deerfield, Bobby Darefield, I think it wasn't Maybe Al Pacino. Horrible movie. All right. These are all horrible movies that no one should see, but we were forced to see them.

[Dana Gould]

I've never been to a drive in and now I.

[F]

There's a great drive. There's a great drive in that you can go to.

[Dana Gould]

I don't want to go to one anymore.

[F]

Well, now you change the subject and you're missing out. Mission TV Drive in in Montclair, California.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Huh.

[Dana Gould]

And I've even been to Montclair and I missed that.

[F]

Go there and see the Muppets.

[Dana Gould]

I'm. If I live, I'm going to do that. I want to see the Muppets. Congress lifted the ban. I'm being dramatic. I will live. Don't worry about me. Congress lifted the five year ban on funding horse meat in Spain. So now everyone's saying we're soon to be eating horse meat. But that's kind of an exaggeration. So here's the deal with this. In 2006, Slaughter opponents pushed through a measure cutting off funding for horse meat inspections.

[Adam Carolla]

I copy wrote eat more horse meat, by the way. So you guys are thinking about it.

[Dana Gould]

Chick fil A people are going to be all over your ass. Yeah. After other efforts to outright ban horses meat sale failed. So this was the way they did that. They, they made it so that there wouldn't be funding for horse meat inspections. And basically, if this country is going to sell horse meat for human consumption, the USDA needs to inspect it.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's eating these days?

[Dana Gould]

Well, I'm not.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it pets eating horse meat? What? Well, what culture?

[F]

Seniors.

[Adam Carolla]

Seniors in pets Moan mostly.

[Dana Gould]

Apparently it's a delicacy in Europe and Asia. And if. If right now there's no slaughterhouses in the US that prepare that butcher horses for human consumption. But because the ban has been lifted and that kind of got passed through.

[Adam Carolla]

Congress, how no delicacies ever sound good to me. You know, no one ever says Kobe beef barbecued slider. That's considered a delicacy. When I go, really? Because that sounds fucking good to me too. It's got a little crumbled blue cheese on it and a caramelized onion. Like I'd go, well now that sounds good. But everything that sounds good to another.

[F]

Culture, it's a chocolate covered donut with a Reese cup melted on top. And then they freeze that, stick it.

[Dana Gould]

Inside a duckling and plant it in the ground for six years.

[Adam Carolla]

I think other countries fuck with us with their delicacies.

[F]

It's basically the, the shit they find between the toes of a gibbon on small triangles of toast.

[Allison Rosen]

Remember the restaurant?

[Dana Gould]

Eat more gibbon toe jam on toast points. So good, so good.

[Allison Rosen]

Restaurant Santa Monica, they got busted for serving whale meat like not that long ago, like four years ago. Really Serving it like under the radar to like Japanese, like tourists, not tourists, like, like expats. Because it's a delicacy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like.

[F]

And there was a lame code for it, like, I'll have the cheeseburger supreme.

[Allison Rosen]

It was a sushi restaurant so that people to come at the there like new.

[F]

In Boston, if you wanted beer after hours at the Chinese restaurant, you'd have to ask for cold tea.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[F]

And the guy would go, ah, cold tea. Yes, yes, please. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, the fresh whale tank was probably what you call a towel, right? Way too big. It dwarfed the lobster tank.

[Allison Rosen]

What happened to the whale down below?

[Dana Gould]

And then you order it, and they bring it up over in a gigantic bag.

[F]

It's sounding. I'll take that one. That's sounding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't. I don't know.

[Dana Gould]

Apparently, horses.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand the. Like, I'm not eating panda bears and, you know, silverback gorillas and things like that and whales. All right. But horses is there. You see a buffalo, you see a cow, and you see a horse. Really? They're big. Big difference between those bovine creatures. Creatures.

[Dana Gould]

They're a symbol of liberty. And that is why they live their best years with bridles on and saddles.

[F]

And pulling carriages like a succulent eagle.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, they're equine. What the fuck's the difference between a bovine and an equine? Hooves.

[F]

Yeah, but I'm gonna say that with the assurance of Ken Norton's death.

[Allison Rosen]

As far as I know, Ken Norton's in the ground.

[F]

But let's ask Ken Norton. I know he's alive.

[Adam Carolla]

Buffaloes.

[F]

He knows.

[Adam Carolla]

Knows everything. Buffaloes and horses both have the hooves, right?

[F]

No, but they have cloven hooves. They have. They have a split hoof. And a horse does not. A horse has. Just, like, a hockey puck.

[Adam Carolla]

And because it doesn't have a slit in its hoof, we can't eat it.

[F]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just.

[F]

Adam, I'm vamping.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I get it. I get it. All right.

[Dana Gould]

Well, apparently, as recently as the 1940s, they can. Just yesterday.

[F]

Only horses can achieve. Bovines cannot achieve orgasm.

[Adam Carolla]

Uhhuh. Ah, but the equine. And. And are there any equine. Is there any other.

[F]

Horses come like a.

[Adam Carolla]

What are donkeys.

[Dana Gould]

But they fake it, too.

[Adam Carolla]

They do. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, donkeys.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they usually just fake it to get me to stop.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, but you look at it as a favor. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's the tip of the cap.

[F]

They just want to roll over.

[Adam Carolla]

I miss that thing where the mule has its ears going through the cap and it's pulling. Yes. Pulling the sled there. I miss that.

[Dana Gould]

I feel like even if you had a mule these days, you would not know where to get it at. Straw hat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

No one sells that.

[F]

Oh, yeah, you could get it. You could get it in any saddlery.

[Adam Carolla]

Last story.

[Dana Gould]

Well, I just want to add this recently as the 1940s Americans dined on horse meat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm not freaked out by it. Not yet.

[Dana Gould]

Priceline has published what they say are the most affordable days to try travel. So as a service to you people, I'm going to share these with you. December 14th, 15th, 18th, 19th, and 20th.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

That's when the tickets are the cheapest. And then after that are December 21st, 25th, 30th and 31st.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have anywhere to be, but I might just get on a plane, go to Denver, hang out in the airport, have a smoothie, come back again just to say I'm frugal.

[Dana Gould]

Well, well, frugal for the holidays. But it. But in general, everything is more expensive around the holidays. Those are just a little cheaper than the others. But the average airfare for Christmas is currently $451, up 3% from last.

[Adam Carolla]

A whopping 3%.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. So here's my question. Have you ever flown on New Year's Eve? Because there have been so many years where I've thought, ugh, New Year's Eve, I wish I was just flying somewhere. But then I never. Even if I have to travel, I don't actually schedule it for new.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[F]

Remember, people thought if you were in.

[Adam Carolla]

The air when they changed the clock, when it turned 2000 or something, just drop. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

No, that happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I. I don't know how that. I don't know how that worked. I. I got talked into doing a show in Reno or something on New Year's Eve, I think this year. So I. Oh, I think I'll be working.

[F]

I think I flew on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[F]

Christmas Day was.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[F]

It was pretty easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is fun. No, And I never do anything on those days like Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, Christmas. I'm always just where I should be.

[F]

And walking aimlessly around the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[F]

Avoiding. Avoiding eye contact, demanding shirtless pictures of.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike Weaver wearing two different slippers. Because I can't.

[F]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, speaking of the holidays, by the way, pro flowers. Oh, boy. Today only get Santa's workshop mini Christmas Tree for just $19.99. Comes in a free festive tin. What tin isn't festive these days? Free colorful lights, 12 free wooden ornaments put on your desk. Smells nice. It's fragrant. It's alive. You can upgrade to the larger angel and snowflake ornaments with the white lights for just 10 bucks more. Such a deal. Still under 30 bucks. They sell out every. Every year. Every single year they sell out. So let's get going. It expires midnight Monday. Wait a minute. Midnight Monday day? Is it today?

[Dana Gould]

Wednesday.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get on this, people. That's my point. As sure as Ken Norton is going to pass in the next 24 hours.

[F]

I better get some flowers quick.

[Adam Carolla]

This is going to go away. Let's hop on it, Everybody. You call 800 proflowers. 800 proflowers. Mention Ace or go to proflowers.com Click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in ace, everybody.

[F]

You did say decorative tin?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Pro flowers. Kenny Norton. Let's get on it. All right, bring it on home. Play the music.

[Dana Gould]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[F]

That was the news with Alison and Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Dana Gould is going to be at the Laugh Hole in Seattle and.

[F]

Just to shame right in Europe.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to be in a real theater called the Keswick Theater tonight in Philadelphia and then the Royal Oak.

[F]

That's a real theater name.

[Adam Carolla]

Royal Oak park west in Chicago and Denver. Coming up at the Paramount Theater all through this Sunday. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for bald Bryan, Dana Gould. DanaGould.com is where you go. And for Allison Rosen saying mahalo.

[Dana Gould]

Eat more.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's Adam Kurillo show 712. Coming up for our final clip today, we have Adam Kurillo show 723 with Aaron Brockovich, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2011.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out. Good day, Bo. Brian hooked nose Jew. And oh, Allison Rose. I'm sorry. Good to see you, baby girl.

[Dana Gould]

I feel very threatened.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you what will lighten the mood. My damn channel Wayne Days. That's right, my damn channel. Dot com. These guys doing the Lord's work and doing the same thing we've been doing, except for they do the video, we do the audio. Got a great original comedy lineup online. Wayne Days, one of the longest running best comedies on the Internet. David Wayne, still trying to get laid.

[Dana Gould]

I love him.

[Adam Carolla]

He is funny. Going after the hottest chicks in Hollywood. Oh, hi. Jinks ensue. New episodes every Monday starring David Wayne, Ken Marino, Stephen Weber, Lizzy Kaplan. It keeps going. More, more and more celebrities. MyDamnChannel.com these guys are good guys. They're friends. And again, if you like what we do, that is basically the video equivalent to what we do not like the other sites with a barrage of crappy, mediocre videos. This is the best place for original video. That does not suck. My damn channel. That's right. Doesn't mean it's good. It means it does not suck. How is young Adam as a student? He does not suck. These guys happen to be good. Thank you. A lot of outpouring of beautiful emotion that people have been sending me via Twitter over my very sick friend Philip Welford. And somebody actually sent me video or sent me to a site via Twitter of him in 86 sort of doing his actual act. And it's just. First off, it's Howie Mandel bringing him up on stage for some. One of those Super 80s TV shows. But we don't need to run the sound. You can just run it. I think it's about three, four minutes long.

[Allison Rosen]

Howie. The height of his powers, by the way, in 1986.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

And hair. He had hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Big, big hair. No earrings, lots of Howie. I mean, I feel like that was. That was like two and a half Howie's with the big glove purse and everything like that.

[Allison Rosen]

It's concentrated.

[Adam Carolla]

Howie.

[Dana Gould]

Is that a measurement of something?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was bul. Cube Howie. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Howie Extract.

[Dana Gould]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dana Gould]

Just uncut, uncut, unstepped on.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, now we got the Howie with the. Yeah, cut with the baby powder.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all right.

[Dana Gould]

But it gives you diarrhea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not. It's not that. Not big hair. St. Elsewhere. That house. That was St. Elsewhere.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Hill Street Elsewhere. Hill Street Hospital.

[Dana Gould]

Hill Street Hospital versus Kramer Else Elsewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

ER Blues. Hill Hospital. Listen, I was sitting around today doing one of my car casts today, going, it was the Acura nsx, not the Lexus lfa. I have the Lexus lsi. And then I started realizing there are way too many cars and way too. I'm too old. And I'm sitting there trying to go, you know, the new Audi TT is a lot like the old Acura nsx, which shouldn't be confused with the new lfa. And it's like I'm. Now it's all just turning into one big. That's the Hyundai L, the T, F A F U S S U F U F N A. Like I just. I TV shows. There were like four TV shows for us. I grew up. It was just. All we had to do is remember the Munsters in F Troop and Love Boat. That was it. And now it's like you remember them for. Too Close for comfort or barely making a living or that guy from. And it's like, how many shows are there now? How many come and gone?

[Dana Gould]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there ever going to be like, are our kids going to be making fun of Gary Unmarried. They're not going to know what that is.

[Allison Rosen]

They might.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not going to know to make fun of Gary Unmarried.

[Dana Gould]

But, you know, in terms of trying to remember all the different.

[Adam Carolla]

Not St. Elsewhere.

[Dana Gould]

I don't know if it was seen elsewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it was. It was saying elsewhere.

[Allison Rosen]

It was the Doctor show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the doctor show. Temperatures rise. That was a show. All right. Do you have some news? I'm told when Erin Brockovich hits the waiting room, she likes to get things going.

[Dana Gould]

I want to tell you on the. You might have seen this, though I doubt it. On the comments on the Adam Carolla website, there are a ton of really nice comments about Philip and about what you said about him, but it looks like there's some comments from people who know him. And Susan, you saw that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was able to read a few of those. And the thing is, we're watching Philip now from 1986. You can see it on YouTube if you like. And I've seen him do this act a million times. I didn't want to distract us with the sound, but it's incredible because you'll see the guy in about the next 20 seconds juggling flaming torches. And I'll tell you, as a guy who rides a unicycle, we'll put the link [e-mail] People are rollicking, by the way, if you watch him. If you watch this dude as a dude, I can tell you he's a guy who rides a unicycle. Holding still is the hardest thing you'll ever do. Riding the unicycle. No big deal. I can go off of a curb or picnic table on a unicycle. Doing this on a unicycle, which is just treading water. Just a very small stage going back and forth forth. That I cannot do. I can do crazy things on you. I can ride a unicycle and have a guy throw a medicine ball at me as hard as he can. I'll catch it and I'll fire it back. But I can't sit in one space and ride a unicycle.

[Dana Gould]

You're like a shark on a unicycle.

[Adam Carolla]

It's impossible. Yes. It's almost impossible just to stay in one place. I don't know how Philip does that. And he's juggling and going, like, backhand now with lit torches and the whole nine yards.

[Dana Gould]

So what got singed in the learning process?

[Adam Carolla]

Jeez. It had. He told me he was doing a Beni Hana bit once with the Knives and stuff and took like part of his finger off. But, yeah. Brings me right back to 1986 and see my good buddy Philip up there on stage. Yep, that's what was playing in my head.

[Dana Gould]

And I feel like when they were decorating that club, they're like, more squiggles, more 80s. More neon squiggles.

[Adam Carolla]

We. Yeah, we need more 80s. Weird. Georg O'Keefe kind of turquoisey and burnt. Weird powder. We need. We need this to look like a Duran Duran poster. Here. Let's go. Yeah, weird 80s.

[Dana Gould]

We have a yellow triangle just sitting here. Let's put it up.

[Adam Carolla]

But don't put it up straight.

[Dana Gould]

No, off to one side askew.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Anyway. Sad. So advanced dementia and just completely unable to speak or eat or talk or do anything now. But it's so crazy what time does and what time is. And that's why, even though you have to appreciate. I know it's such a familiar refrain, but you really have to understand just how short a period of time you have and how much you need. And I don't mean you need to make something of it. You don't have to invent anything. You don't have to tell everyone, you know, you love them every time day. But just at least appreciate that you're here, your parts work, you can walk and you can speak and you can think, and that is worth something. Kids, let me tell you, I kind.

[Dana Gould]

Of had some the blues today for no good reason. And then I was thinking. And then I had that extra guilt over, like, not only do I really have no good reason, there's so many, well, I really have no good reason to be sad. I should be happy and feel fortunate. Well, I didn't feel that way.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, you can't tell somebody, hey, appreciate what you have because it doesn't matter what you have. And as somebody who's had nothing and now has everything, you don't sit around and think about what you have. And if you did sit around and think what you had, you wouldn't go out and get more. It's a weird thing that whatever propelled you to get what you have now is propelling you to look beyond the horizon at your next victory or whatever it is. So there's a weird balance. How do you tell somebody, sit back, relax and enjoy what you have and get breakfast and go hit it hard next morning?

[Allison Rosen]

It's one of the worst cliches that I encountered, you know, in my situation. I had 1% of what Philip did. But, like, is the thing where the people Say, live every minute like it's your last. Live every day like it's your last. You go crazy if you actually try and live every day like it's your last.

[Dana Gould]

That you certainly wouldn't play drops on a podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Absolutely not.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus, spending the day raping and robbing banks doesn't seem like a fruitful way to go.

[Allison Rosen]

First half the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Is that what you do? I take heroin and eat raping banks, robbing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'd eat a lot of.

[Dana Gould]

Straighten my hair.

[Adam Carolla]

I put, like, a big heaping spoonful of heroin into almost everything I had.

[Dana Gould]

And your sarsaparilla float?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're making. You're making my lips smack together. But let me.

[Allison Rosen]

Let me. Let me finish my point to bring it. And you'll appreciate this.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like when you. You kind of revel or appreciate the fact that you can be annoyed by the little things. You know what I mean? Like, the big things aren't. Don't consume you so much that you're like, I'm glad I can get frustrated at the garage door opener isn't working. Or that the sink's little things. You really appreciate, ironically, being able to get frustrated at little things and not have to worry about big things. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like the fact that I can't stand Nicole Richie.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a big deal when you can't find clean drinking water. Water. Or there's ethnic cleansing in your neighborhood.

[Allison Rosen]

That's absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

Agreed. All right, shall we do a little news with Allison Rosen? With Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad.

[F]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it.

[F]

Up, she'll sign it off with Zip it.

[Brian Bishop]

Cut.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Allison. Alison.

[Dana Gould]

Time has named their person of the year for 2011. It's not Nicole Richie. It is the protester.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Dana Gould]

Shepard Fairey did the artwork for the COVID Mmm.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sounds like he hustles gay guys around. Come on, homos. Over here. Back in the van. Let's go.

[Dana Gould]

He's also the guy who did the Obama Hope we're going back to Pooh Pooh City image.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Oh, he did?

[Dana Gould]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yeah, that's worked out.

[Dana Gould]

So don't you need to freak out over the protester being on the COVID That's what I expected.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't mind the protester for the real causes, but now they got the Occupy guys on there. Look, let's just not confuse the guy that's cramping into the Ziploc down at the park over here in Los Angeles and the guy who's standing in front of the tank in Tiananmen Square. You know, a little different. I'm all for the protesters going on around the world. We need some change that way. Don't get me wrong, it's the domestic.

[Dana Gould]

Protest that you're not into.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, not so much. But also then once there's the regime change in Shitbox du jour. What good name I'm summarized there. Praise me. Then what happens when the new regime gets in? I mean, you never know.

[Dana Gould]

Shit box version 2.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not like a lot of the same folks from the same country with some of the same upbringings, you know? See how that works?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. I just started watching Homeland, so I know exactly what you mean. The National Transportation Safety Board has recommended that cell phone use be banned in vehicles except for emergencies.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw a cop in front of.

[Allison Rosen]

Me on his phone, like up to his ear, the light in front of me just dropping through. Phone in his ear.

[Dana Gould]

Sounds like you're saying he's up to his ear in his phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So they don't want the. Well, here's the.

[Dana Gould]

They don't want anyone on their phones, even hands free. And here is something very interesting. California's hands free cell phone use law went into enforcement July 1, 2008. A few months later, a study found that the data showed no impact on the frequency of crashes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay. People are out of it and distracted. Like Mike August doesn't need a cell phone. He doesn't know what you're talking about when you're standing right next to him. Most people are out of it. I mean, the idea that they're able to operate internal combustion vehicles is one. One of the scariest things there is out there. These are 4,500 pound steel vehicles. And you have ditzy chicks and old people and Mike August and people just driving are completely. Once I teach Norm MacDonald to drive completely and utterly out of it. And if you have, I don't know what it is, but I have my hyper vigilance disorder. So I will stand next to people at parties while their wife yells their name and they ignore it. And I'll say, somebody is calling your name and I can hear the person call your name. Why are you not responding to your own goddamn name? But people are horribly distracted and horribly out of it with the phone or without. You add the phone pretty bad. But we are creating our own world of earbuds and playlists. And this is my cuckoo. Like when you used to drive a car, the wind would be whistling through the windows. You'd have. It'd be hot, you'd have the windows down half the time. You know, there was no air conditioning, there's no climate.

[Dana Gould]

You know, you'd be hanging your head out the window like a dog with your tongue.

[Adam Carolla]

Rolling around. Wagon. Yeah, collecting flies. You get in a car now and you shut the doors, it's like voom. Seal lock. You hear no sounds. The car doesn't make any sounds anymore. The engine sounds, the road, the wheels and all that kind of stuff. You crank up your 18 speaker Bose stereo, you set the climate for 71 degrees, you put the massager on the seat and you're just in your own little weird cocoon. I think there's a lot of that too. I mean, if people drove with the windows down or they could hear things jiggling around like, I mean, my dad driving around his own VW with the wheels shimmying and jiggling and shit hitting you in the face and all the weather inside the car, whatever was outside the car was inside the the car. I think it's just getting the satellite serious set up, getting your own world set up and just cranking up the tunes. It's taking people out of it. Plus the steady diet of narcissistic kibble we're being fed. Narcissibble narcissibal. That's right now the 40 pound deluxe set.

[Dana Gould]

I got the 80 pound bag at Costco.

[Adam Carolla]

You go to Costco? Yeah, but who's gonna help you out to the car with it?

[Allison Rosen]

They don't bag your shit either.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you gotta get out there, rely.

[Dana Gould]

On the kindness of strangers.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, eating the narcissibal that we're all having a steady diet of just gets us further away from others and more into us.

[Dana Gould]

And therefore you agree that we shouldn't be on our cell phones and cars, even hands free or.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, it's like everything. I can drive with a cell phone because I'm a good driver and because I'm not out of it. And because I can multitask other people. People can't do it. And the answer is, well, what kind of society do we want? It's like the plastic beer bottle at the ball game. I love beer. I love beer in a frosty bottle. I would never throw my bottle out onto the field. But there are others who might. And it's a small percentage, but they're out there. So thus I get to drink my beer out of a shitty plastic bottle that doesn't hold the cold and ruins the flavor of the beer and doesn't feel good in your hand because there's the off chance that one asshole may throw that beer bottle out onto the field. So how do we structure our society? Well, obviously, when it comes to something like air travel and there's 250 people on an aircraft, you have to check people's luggage because that's just too high a price to pay. I would argue with the beer bottle guy getting a couple stitches in his head for a bad call at third base every once in a while is a small price to pay for me getting a call. And we can always prosecute the asshole who threw the beer bottle. Not to prosecute everybody. You see, I found the guy who.

[Allison Rosen]

Threw the snowball years ago, Remember a couple, six, seven years ago, there's a guy at like Giant Stadium and they got him on a snowball.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

They got him in video.

[Adam Carolla]

They got the film. So it's basically, thank God. Get this guy for Aaron Brockovich will help us explain this. But get this guy for felony. But instead we're all getting the misdemeanor of drinking out of a shitty plastic bag bottle. I feel about the same with this. I'll let you drive on your cell phone until you do something that's dangerous and then you're getting cited. Could you T bone the school bus that my kids are in? Yes, we gotta take that chance.

[Dana Gould]

I'm sure it's a really important tweet that I had to send right then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's too much traffic, by the way, going on in LA not to be able to talk. Half the business I take care of is sitting in traffic from point A to point B. I get really bored.

[Dana Gould]

If I can't read stuff while, while I'm driving.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it sucks. It's true. And also everything, everything's automatic now and cruise controlling. You don't. You used to have to really kind of drive a car like you, it's like a tractor or something. Like you'd have to drive it now.

[Dana Gould]

And plus, in traffic, the biggest danger that you're risking is that you're gonna roll into the person in front of.

[Adam Carolla]

You and you have 10 airbags.

[Dana Gould]

You need to knock on wood or something.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the big problem?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, you're right. I have a special Christmas edition of Germany or Florida. Or as Dr. Bruce would say, Florida, Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't it fun when fuck ups just never stop fucking up yes. Like they'll just mispronounce every show. If there's a chance to flip flop something, they'll flip flop it. If the chick's name is Suzanne, they'll call her Susan. And if her name is Susan, they'll call her Suzanne. It's just if Dr. Bruce flipped the coin 100 times and bet on it, he'd lose every single time.

[Dana Gould]

I find myself having trouble with Kirsten and Kristen lately.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't like either one of.

[Dana Gould]

Those kinds of kind of age. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I should say. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Right now I'm having a problem with both of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. Which godforsaken land is this fucked up story from? Let's play Germany or Florida?

[Dana Gould]

A man dressed as Santa drugged a 15 year old girl at a Christmas market over the weekend. The latest such attack that is seen.

[Adam Carolla]

What's a Christmas market?

[Dana Gould]

Something that's in, I don't know, one.

[Adam Carolla]

Of these places, they sell Christmas stuff.

[Dana Gould]

And this person has. This is the ninth time he's done this as Santa? Yes, nine times. He approached the girl and her friend from.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that from Bueller. Okay.

[Dana Gould]

He approached the girl and her friend offering both of them what he said was a shot of alcohol in a paper cup. One girl refused, but the other girl drank both of the shots.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my gal.

[Dana Gould]

Was that Kirsten or Kristen? She soon started vomiting and had to be.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Cami.

[Dana Gould]

Or was it. I'm trying to think of a Germanic sounding Kami. She soon started vomiting and had to be taken to the hospital where she underwent a blood test before being released. She had been slipped some kind of date rape drug.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Why don't they just call it rape drug? It's not like you drag their corpse out to a nice dinner. Like you'd prop her up. Hey, it's called surf and turf. Her head hits the table, you're ordering shrimp cocktail. And for the lady, you hold her head up by her hair. She's vomiting on herself. Well, she'll start with a chardonnay. Yeah. Now something assertive without being pushy, but not too dry.

[Allison Rosen]

We have a Viognier. She might.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that a local vineyard?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just.

[Adam Carolla]

I nod her head by her ponytail. There's more foamy vomit down. And sweetie, would you like a shrimp cocktail to start off with? I shake her head the other way. What? A Cobb salad. It's like Weekend at Bernie's. Then she falls back in the booth again. Eventually the steak comes. You can see me eating her steak.

[Allison Rosen]

Was the Madam full tonight?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I would like my steak. I'll have the New York with just. It's rare, but just not too rare. Just a little. Just a little vein of pink in the middle. She'll have it the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. And should we order our souffles now?

[Allison Rosen]

It takes some time.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then let's order those now. I'm going to go with the lemon. She'll go with the chocolate. But we'll have the chocolate to go.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Wrap it up. Hers will be in a bag.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. I guess let's put her steak in a bag, too. Okay. Okay. All right. All right, sweetie. And then after that, after this, we're going dancing. And then I rape her.

[Dana Gould]

Yep. Good thing you got the date rape drug. Not the rape drug.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just cut to the chase and just go with the rape. Rape drug. Or do I have to say rape twice?

[Dana Gould]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dana Gould]

I think to distinguish when you're purchasing it from your local pharmacist.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There'd be a lot of stories of, like. Well, after the dinner, the dessert, the dancing, then we saw some live jazz bands. And at that point, I started to come out of my haze. And he was so tired from dragging me around for nine hours that he couldn't achieve an erection. So I was able to make my escape.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey.

[Allison Rosen]

When they showed me the wrong one. You order the rape drug, they send you the date rape.

[Adam Carolla]

Screws up your whole plans. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you gotta. You make reservations, you gotta get dressed up.

[Allison Rosen]

The turns are a bitch.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Mm. Sorry.

[Dana Gould]

So anyway. Yeah. Did this happen, oh, in Florida or Germany?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. I'll make millions off this rape. Rape drug. I'm gonna say it feels like both, but I'm gonna say Germany. Because of the Christmas shopping. Christmas shopping center or whatever it was.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And she was handed a shot at what doesn't appear to be a bar. So I'm gonna say it was Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's one of those things where in Germany you can give a minor shot as long as it's Jagermeister. But if you're gonna drug it, that's a different story.

[Allison Rosen]

It's medicinal.

[Dana Gould]

Dang, you guys are both right. It was at the Alexander Plots market in Berlin. I should. I shouldn't have given. I shouldn't say Christmas market because that tipped you off that there was something weird and different about this place.

[Adam Carolla]

It made it feel weird and different.

[Dana Gould]

Ferris wheel there.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so that's Germany. This the ninth time he's done this.

[Dana Gould]

I believe she's his ninth Victor victim.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. These guys, they never. They never seem to run out of energy for this.

[Dana Gould]

I know. Once you get that surgery, they don't change it up. They're very OCD about it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, once they get the hankering for the young ladies or the young boys or the young whatever, they pretty much take it. Take it to the grave with them. Yeah. What happened to the chemical castration? Be funny. Like, look, you're getting the castration. Huh? God, no, no, no. It's just the chemical castration. Oh, okay. We dunk your junk in muriatic acid. Ah, yeah. Yeah. Chemical. Oh. Oh, you're confused. You thought it was some drug or something? No, no, it's not a drug therapy. We actually dunk your junk in acid. It's a chemical castration. Yeah, it's stuff found in common pool cleaning. Anyway, where are we?

[Dana Gould]

You doing good? Much less brutal.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Dana Gould]

The U.S. mint is halting production of the $1 coin. Yeah, I don't want to belabor this. I just wanted you to know in case you were thinking of gathering a lot of $1 coins.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it a lot? Is it quarter size?

[Dana Gould]

No, it's. It is. Some of them are.

[Adam Carolla]

It's too close to the quarter.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's what they give you when you get like, the.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Allison Rosen]

The change at the automated paystation paying platform places. Change they give you because they don't spit out dollar bills. Bear the five. You owe two, give you three coins.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean when you go in and dump your change in one of those machines?

[Allison Rosen]

No, when you go to the arc light and you pay for your two dollar thing with a five dollar bill that spit three coins.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. I got you.

[Dana Gould]

I'm pretty much done with coins. Yeah, all coins. I find myself taking them out of my purse.

[Adam Carolla]

I ain't into them either. But then you hit a meter and you're like, where are you? Quarter. I know. I made fun of you.

[Dana Gould]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

I want you back, baby.

[Dana Gould]

I know. I stashed these in a tampon in my car a while ago for an.

[Adam Carolla]

Emergency sex with your sister. The nickel. Your fat sister. The nickel. I didn't mean it, baby. I need you back. Forgive me.

[Dana Gould]

Should have gone for the dime.

[Adam Carolla]

Take me back. I. I know. Because that. The quarter doesn't mean anything anymore. But the $37 chicken ticket does. And the notion of getting that and the only thing this city does well is parking enforcement. That is the. I mean, if there's one thing like, if Somebody. Somebody said, what is the city of Los Angeles in terms of being efficient? Like, what are they really good at? You'd be like, well, let's see. The DWP guy needs a nine hour window to come to your house. The cable guy needs a 13 oh parking enforcement, because you can't park, run in. Like, you. Literally, if there was like a store and they had your package waiting for you and you're on Ventura Boulevard, I would not trust myself to run in, grab the package, prepaid, and run back, back out before that ticket was sitting.

[Dana Gould]

On the fucking car, driving. And then you have to jump out while the car's still moving, shoulder roll and catch him up.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, baby. We got Aaron Brockovich to bring in.

[Dana Gould]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Sip it, cunt.

[F]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you, company Aaron couldn't bring a lawsuit. All right, we'll take ourselves a quick break. Back with Aaron Brockovich. Yeah, back with Aaron Brockovich. Nice to meet you, Aaron.

[Erin Brockovich]

Hey, it's nice to meet you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a fan. Oh, thanks.

[Erin Brockovich]

I'm a fan of yours.

[Adam Carolla]

How. Really? Yeah, let's talk about that for like, 20 minutes and then we'll get into the new book.

[Erin Brockovich]

That works for me.

[Adam Carolla]

I was saying off the air or maybe on the air, can't remember anymore. But the fact that the movie was named after you, it wasn't called Deadly Soil. It was called Aaron Brockovich is cool. Because most of the time when they do those kinds of movies, they give it a name, and then they might give it like the Aaron Brockvich story or something underneath. It was called you. And then Julia Roberts played you, and then she won the Oscar. I mean, could it get any better than that in the movie business?

[Erin Brockovich]

I guess it couldn't get any better in the movie business. But for me, in my real life, it's just been kind of the strangest thing that even continues on 11 years later. Sometimes I don't know how to wrap my mind around it. And how the whole thing started was a fluke.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how did it start?

[Erin Brockovich]

It started with a girlfriend of mine by the name of Pam Demond, who's a chiropractor. And I really had a car wreck like they showed in the film. And Pam would be treating me for ongoing problems and did cranial work. And every time I was laying on her table and getting all relaxed, I'd share stories with her about the biker dude P. Genie collecting dead frogs. The whole. What I didn't know Was she was good friends with a woman who was Michael Schomburg's partner, who was Danny DeVito's partner at Jersey Films. So this woman, Carla, couldn't believe that there was somebody running around in stilettos with a foul mouth collecting toxic waste.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Erin Brockovich]

So she asked to meet me, and I did, and that's how the whole thing started.

[Adam Carolla]

And Carla was also the name of Danny DeVito's wife's name. It. Cheers. So how does it all start for you? Where do you grow up? Where do you go to school? Like, how does it begin? What do you think you're gonna do when you're.

[Erin Brockovich]

Oh, when I was a little girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or a little girl.

[Erin Brockovich]

I was born and raised in Lawrence, Kansas. So I'm from a small town. I'm a kind of, you know, country girl. I grew up with a learning disability. I have dyslexia.

[Adam Carolla]

You do?

[Erin Brockovich]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Did. They were probably not diagnosed.

[Erin Brockovich]

Not diagnosed. And I was always labeled. I was actually voted the girl least likely to succeed in.

[Adam Carolla]

Did they have. That seems unfair.

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, amongst all my friends, we certainly did. But, you know, I was able to laugh it off because they were least likely to do a whole lot of things in my world. But we were a good group of friends.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was voted the girl with the biggest penis, which didn't mean I had a big penis. It just for a girl back in my high school, but. So you had a learning disability, but you didn't really know what it was?

[Erin Brockovich]

No, but, you know, I. I always wanted to do something. I always had high goals for myself, but everyone else told me I couldn't do them. But I had some great parents who just taught me to, you know what? If you just believe in yourself, really, and you don't have to take direction or listen to what other people are telling you they think you are, you can decide for yourself. And that's exactly what I did. That's what got me through.

[Adam Carolla]

And when did you find out you had dyslexia?

[Erin Brockovich]

It wasn't really until later in life, probably maybe the first year in college, second year in college. So for years, they didn't know what it was. It was just some type of learning disability that I was tagged with. And they're always wanting to push me into some type of special area.

[Adam Carolla]

But you went off to college. That's pretty good.

[Erin Brockovich]

I went to college. Yeah. Well, the first year I went to Kansas State, I kind of partied my way out that door. And then I went on to a school in Dallas, Texas, and Got an associates and applied our degree. And then I moved to California and I actually worked at Fluor Engineers and Constructors. And I wanted to become an engineer because my father's an engineer. And it kind of came easy for me. But then I met my husband at the time and I ran off back to Lawrence to do what I thought I should have done and get married and have babies.

[Adam Carolla]

What did he do?

[Erin Brockovich]

He was a painter at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yes.

[Erin Brockovich]

Born and raised in California. His own painting company and he did well. And then I coached.

[Adam Carolla]

He painted houses or commercial buildings or both. But he was a painter. Was that kind of painter.

[Erin Brockovich]

That kind of painter. Had his own painting business.

[Adam Carolla]

First when he said he was a painter, I thought he was an artist. And then you said he made money and then I realized he was painting condos.

[Erin Brockovich]

And we were so young. Anyway, my gosh, I think I had my son Matthew at 22. So I wanted to, you know, that was just my idea of what I thought I was supposed to be doing at kind of had a conflict.

[Adam Carolla]

How. By the way, the book is called Hot Water and it is.

[Erin Brockovich]

That's my middle name.

[Adam Carolla]

Out available on Amazon as we speak. You can also go to Brockovich.com if you want to find out more about Aaron or Aaron Brockvich. 1 if you want to Twitter her. Is this your first novel? Second Is this your second novel? See, the way I do, that first.

[Erin Brockovich]

One was rock bottom.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Erin Brockovich]

Another place I've been.

[Adam Carolla]

It's up there now.

[Erin Brockovich]

There it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so how then do you get back to Los Angeles from Kansas and get started on this life that Julia Roberts chronicled in her Academy Award winning program?

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, my husband at the time in Lawrence, Kansas couldn't. He just had to leave Lawrence. He could not deal with tornadoes and the cold weather.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. You can't paint a tornado.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, he just, he did not like it. So by then we, we had two babies and he got a job as a district manager in restaurant business. That moved us to Reno and we lived in Reno for quite a while and we got divorced and I had friends in Los Angeles and I had my car wreck in Reno and I came to Los Angeles with some friends and that's when I got a surgeon. I had my neck surgery done and believe it or not, having the term attorney that I found here in Los Angeles. And that's how I started working at the law firm.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, we're going to be at the Reno Nugget. Sparks Nuggets Saturday, December 31 yeah, that place is crazy. I like Reno because when you walk into one of those casinos, they're like, hey, listen, sorry, Ms. Crow. I know you're a celebrity and everything, but rules are rules. You're going to need to smoke. I don't smoke. Just. Well, you can hold the cigarette. It's going to be lit. You don't have to. We can't force you to inhale, but you understand if you're not smoking. I love Rena. I love this old, old room, old stage. It kept the elephant back there, and they can see the marks where the elephant was digging at the floorboards and all this kind of stuff. I don't know what's so exciting about the. But I mean, every. Every big name person has rolled through that town back in the day. So you were there back in what day?

[Erin Brockovich]

In the 80s.

[Adam Carolla]

What was Reno like back then?

[Erin Brockovich]

You know what? I don't. I didn't dislike it back then. I don't know that I'm a fan of Reno today, but maybe that's just because I have bad memories of a second husband and everything that happened in Reno. But for me, sorry. And I've got a watery eye here. I love Reno because I love Tahoe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Tahoe's beautiful.

[Erin Brockovich]

So going up and skiing in the winter and in the summer, being at the lake. And that's what I enjoyed most about Reno.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, Tahoe is spectacular. It just is. It's a lot of people. I don't know. I don't know why. It's not on their list of places to hang out, But I went there. I went to Tahoe for my bachelor party.

[Erin Brockovich]

Oh, that was really fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Through Vegas. I'm tired of Vegas.

[Dana Gould]

Going to Tahoe is Cal Neva right there.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Dana Gould]

I just love that there's a town called Cal Neva.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, it's where the casinos are. Right on the border, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, look how.

[Erin Brockovich]

But see, Absolutely beautiful. And, you know, sailing in the summer and jet skiing and hiking and snowing in the winter. For me, that's why I loved Reno.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Erin Brockovich]

You're looking at it.

[Allison Rosen]

Some old bay right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yes, it's beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

Spectacular.

[Erin Brockovich]

So have fun in Reno.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you come. I shall. Now you come out and you work for a law firm. And how does the whole. I don't know.

[Erin Brockovich]

How does it start?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, how does it start?

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, you know, it happened kind of like they show in the film. Ed Masri bro brought a box in. He was actually looking for another secretary. Ed never wanted to hire Me?

[Adam Carolla]

Why not?

[Erin Brockovich]

He used to make jokes all the time about other than being able to sit up by myself, what could I do? Because he was referring to my bust, right? And I'm like, ha, ha. Not very funny. You know what? People can make jokes like that with me. And I really don't ever take it too personal. I mean, you know, he was my attorney. It was a joke, and I took it as a joke. But he really didn't want to hire me because I don't think he really thought I had any skills or anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that him?

[Erin Brockovich]

That's a horrible picture, by the way, of both of us. But where'd you get that? That's embarrassing.

[Dana Gould]

Horrible pictures dot com.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Horrible pictures of gas dot com.

[Erin Brockovich]

Did you hate that? I'm like, really? But yes, that's Edward, and he was a kid. There's me and Ed.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a better picture.

[Erin Brockovich]

There's a better picture of Ed and I, my God, Ed has passed away. I just adored Ed, and he was a great, great, great friend.

[Adam Carolla]

And he takes you in and he.

[Erin Brockovich]

Gives you a job. Gives me a job. And like you saw in the film, they were bringing in a box. He was bringing in a box. He was actually looking for another secretary, but she was at lunch, which is what got us into the whole, you know, maybe I should rethink my wardrobe situation. Because he didn't know why I wasn't at lunch with the other girls, right? And he asked, basically, they didn't show this in the film, but what happened in real life, he asked, is if I knew what I was doing. And I said yes, and I didn't. So I knew how to open a file, a case file for him, but I didn't know really how to go further than that. So I kind of made it my business to start looking in the box to see what was in there and start reading some information. Maybe I could educate myself and do good at my job. And that's what started the whole thing, is because I wanted to do a good job. And I started reading what was in there. And what I was reading didn't make sense.

[Adam Carolla]

And the whole. What was the story of Beverly Hills High? And you make a face because I don't know whatever happened with that, but I remember there was something involving you in Beverly Hills High. And they have basically an oil well. Is it on the property or it's adjacent to it or whatever it is. They have it dressed up with flowers, but it's still an oil well.

[Erin Brockovich]

It's the oil derrick. And underneath is like an onshore oil platform. And Beverly Hills High frustrates me because. Because, see, what you do is you can go in a door and walk downstairs and you're underground, and it's like an oil platform under there. And what they've done from this point is directionally drill through the city in several different locations, and they're bringing crude through here.

[Adam Carolla]

It's right in the middle of Beverly Hills. In Beverly Hills High, there's an oil platform. It's really weird. And no one ever talks about it.

[Dana Gould]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

There are certain areas, areas in the city, like down La Cienega or whatever it is. On the way to the airport, you'll pass by some places, and on the way down the Grapevine, you'll pass by some places where James Dean bid it in his Porsche Speedster 550. But this is weird because it's this flowered smokestack that sits right off the running track at Beverly High, like they're playing football games. And, you know, it's. These are underprivileged, super rich white kids that have to be exposed to these. So what was the story with that in you? Because I just don't know.

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, the reason I get frustrated was there's a lot of kids during a certain time period that we are well aware of, from about 1985, maybe 1988, into around 1998. 99. Over 450 from the school with cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Erin Brockovich]

Yes, really.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Erin Brockovich]

And the law firm.

[Adam Carolla]

And Those kids are 20 years old. They're 22 years old. They're not 80 years old.

[Erin Brockovich]

So we're looking at kids in their 20s with Hodgkin's, non Hodgkin's lymphoma, lung cancer, dying over 450. I still have kids that have graduated from this school into the, like, 2000, 2001 that are coming down with cancer, that are reporting. And, you know, I just think that that's really odd. So I got involved, and of course, we find out about this Derrick. That's basically built on top of the high school, which is part of the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

So is it first that people start seeing all these cancer cases coming out of Beverly Hills High?

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, how Beverly Hills High started for me was a young girl. I was at a book signing in Beverly Hills when I did my first book. Take it from me, life's a struggle, but you can win. And she was towards the end of the line, and I'm. I was thrilled that we had a nice turnout. And when she finally got up to me, she was Kind of shaking. She was a young girl. She's 23 years old. And she started crying. And I said, why are you crying? And she said, I'm just tired. I just finished chemotherapy and I was blown away. Somebody so young with cancer. So she started telling me the story. And what was interesting was she had gone to her oncologist and there was four of her classmates sitting there, and they all had the same cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

And these kids are kids that, you know, their dads didn't work in coal mines, and they went and hung out with them on bring your kid to a coal mine day. Did they do that? Bring your daughter to work day at coal mines?

[Erin Brockovich]

I don't think so. Look into that.

[Adam Carolla]

And, you know, they weren't eating a bunch of, you know, food that had a bunch of lead poisoning and stuff. These are privileged kids that are. Are eating well, balanced, good diets, getting plenty of exercise, and probably have humidifiers in the room and are getting all their shots and everything else. And there's no reason why this group should get cancer?

[Erin Brockovich]

No, there is none. And what happened was, you know, it kind of went sideways in the litigation department. And this oil derrick is a part of the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Who owns that thing?

[Erin Brockovich]

I think. Well, it sits on school property, so.

[Adam Carolla]

They get the money.

[Erin Brockovich]

I believe they do, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. It's a weird.

[Erin Brockovich]

And, you know, part of what bothers me about the oil platform is we even have documents that show the fire department, when we were starting to make complaints about benzene being airborne out here, they went out and started testing. And some of the methane gas readings were so high, they left the derrick because they thought it was going to explode. That in itself bothers me. You have a group of high school kids in an oil platform, not just one, but there's many under there that has methane so high that there could be an explosion. And I find that unexcusable.

[Adam Carolla]

How long has that thing been there? For 40 years or some incredible amount of time. It's been there as long as I can remember.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, it's been there for about that long. I think in the 60s, it started to come up.

[Dana Gould]

Is it used just for people that don't know how oil platforms work?

[Adam Carolla]

And we're looking at a picture of a tower that's probably.

[Erin Brockovich]

It's hard to see because it's all. It's all underneath the ground. And this is just kind of its location where it all comes through. But they actually have directionally drilled through neighborhoods and cities. It's fascinating. We don't.

[Adam Carolla]

They're drilling out underneath Beverly Hills, directionally drilling.

[Erin Brockovich]

That's how they can get to the oil. And we forget. I think Los Angeles is like the third largest oil reserve around. If you go look at old historic pictures of LA from like the 20s, it's nothing but derricks like that as far as your eye can see.

[Adam Carolla]

Even if you see an old movie like gone in 60 seconds or something, you'll see them driving on down Los Angeles or whatever. And you see oil there. Everywhere.

[Erin Brockovich]

Everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Erin Brockovich]

And so this was part of the problem. Another part of the problem is right behind here is Semper Energy. And it is self sustaining energy for all that Century City area. And they used lots of hexavalent chromium and they had a airborne plume in the area as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they pump that stuff out of there? Because I never see a truck or.

[Erin Brockovich]

Anything pulling out of there. They pump it through other locations through there. So when you go under there, there's like these looks like at the bottom of a ship, there's these big wheels that you turn so they can open and close oil and gas as it flows and transfers through.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you the only upside to this tower being so close to campus is when a Japanese kid gets an A minus on his trig final. There's something to jump off of. That's the only upside. This thing. And those two buildings over there, I think. Are the. Are those a Century City?

[Erin Brockovich]

Century City, yeah, those two tall ones. And right in front of it you can see an area where Semper Energy is, which was also part of the problem. And it's.

[Adam Carolla]

So you have all these kids getting cancer in this very short period of time, but you can't pin it to this or why is it frustrating?

[Erin Brockovich]

Because what happened was the attorneys really were arguing what's happening with the oil, Derek, which I believe was a portion of the problem. But there's no records showing any benzene readings. There's no records showing that there's all these problems until we came out there. And then all of a sudden people start coming and talking, testing, and they're finding some problems, but they're not finding benzene that they're saying harm the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

There were high levels of it from 88 to 98 and then they've cleaned it up, but no one took a sample of it when they had the high levels of it.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, no one was testing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird thing because here we are, especially in this day and age with all the peanut allergies and airborne allergies, and everyone's using Pyrella and stuff. You have a full blown oil derrick on the richest, whitest school in the country. And it's totally cool. That's it. I'm sending my kids to Poly High to be stabbed instead. I don't want a slow, agonizing death. They go quick and they go like heroes in the street.

[Erin Brockovich]

You know, we go through this whole legislative process here in California to remove vending machines from schools because Fritos are bad for our kids. But you're gonna convince me having an oil derrick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erin Brockovich]

Sitting on top of a public high school where we've got over 450 kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you, with cancer that that's o like Big Frito or Big Oil or Big Pharma or Frito. Big Doritos.

[Erin Brockovich]

I'd rather eat the Fritos fat cats.

[Adam Carolla]

And the big Doritos.

[Dana Gould]

It'd be big Potato, Big Cheetos, the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

Big Bugles, the worst. Those guys, they got the Congress bought and sold. Yeah. All right. Should we do a little more news? By the way, as I've said, Aaron Brockovich is here. The book hot Water and and it is out as we speak. Available on Amazon. And you can check out Aaron's website, brockovich.com you doing signings or going around or where can we find you? Is there anything coming up and if we go to your website?

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, my website's getting ready to go under major construction. The main thing that we're starting to work on on my website is, you know, I get about 60,000 emails a month and I've been tracking and trending people reporting information to me about contaminated sites, bad pharmaceutical drugs, things that are happening to them. And so I'm now in discussions with Google to create this whole space on my webpage where we have an interactive map and we're going to call it the People's Reporting Registry because isn't it interesting, you know, more often than times things are reported by agencies or someone else, they're never reported directly by the person.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Erin Brockovich]

And what we're going to start doing is tracking people's movement so we can possibly look at the clusters of diseases we're seeing and place them back to a location and possibly make a connection between environmental pollution and some of our disease processes.

[Adam Carolla]

And so that'll be coming in the new year.

[Erin Brockovich]

That'll be coming in the new year. And we'll start posting. You can see up there where my lectures are. You can certainly have a place now to see the book. But it's getting ready to Expand, especially as the Google map expands.

[Adam Carolla]

My lectures take place in my dining room.

[Erin Brockovich]

Oh yeah, there you've got nuts and nanny. This is right now, this is frozen. And this is what we're trying to design with Google and we're in discussions to do. There's 1700 spots right there where people have reported to me excess disease in their community. And I'll give you an example of one place in Middleton, Ohio. They're in and around a steel company and they have become concerned. They're a small community, yet they have now 59 neighbors, 59 of them have come down with glioblastoma cancer in the brain.

[Adam Carolla]

The same cancer, the same cancer.

[Erin Brockovich]

59 of them where I have researched and been told by experts, because I'm not the doctor or expert that you see that glioblastoma in about 1 in 100,000, there's 59. And if we don't start taking a look at what people are reporting. And again, we don't track people's movements or where they've gone or don't necessarily place them back to a place. But, but if this map doesn't tell you anything, it says, look, something's wrong out here. I just don't think 1,700 communities in the US have gone so off the reservation they've got nothing better to do than to report fake illness. I just don't think that's happening.

[Adam Carolla]

It would be interesting using the technology, sort of against technology, because the technology, these companies, I don't mean technology companies, but these companies that were part of the last century that were pulling up the ore and making the steel and sucking the oil out of the ground. Now we got the satellites and the Google Earth and we're starting to see.

[Erin Brockovich]

Kind of what that, what that development has done to the environment. And this begs us to look at what it is. If we don't find a source, we'll never find a solution. And so this is for me, this is the environmental side. I'm also starting to track pharmaceutical products. And again, this is people reporting. And what we're going to do is make this a live map so you can come in and out and actually get right down into the town and the location and people can begin to report information and their dots will come up live. I had a group of girls come to me out of Tennessee and Facebook. Isn't Facebook fascinating? Because it stitched us back together again, these long lost buddies that we didn't know.

[Dana Gould]

Just when we finally got.

[Erin Brockovich]

So what happened was these group of girls Found each other again. There was 30 of them. They all had cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

All of them?

[Erin Brockovich]

All of them. And we traced them back to their high school that was built on a landfill.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Erin Brockovich]

See, and so again, the purpose of that is to make an association or link. Is our environment and the pollution causing some of our disease process.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Erin Brockovich]

And we're never going to know if we don't look at it. But see, I believe every. Everything that makes us who we are today and sustains us as a society and has made Exxon. Exxon is coming from the environment. And we can't just keep taking and taking because eventually it's going to be depleted and these chemicals can cause adverse health effects.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like an Indian with big boobies.

[Erin Brockovich]

Okay, I'll take that as a compliment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, you should.

[Dana Gould]

If someone does get sick, how do they figure out whether it might be an environmental fact factor?

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, sometimes they can talk to their doctor about it. There are certain chemicals. We know. And that's another thing that's fascinating for me that's happening on my website. I'm having more and more doctors. Well, don't you contact me.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me answer for her. Once you get enough people who went to the same shall be. Once you get. Once they figure out they all went to the same high school, then you. Then.

[Erin Brockovich]

Then you can start taking a look at it.

[Dana Gould]

I'm talking about if you're just the solid person though, like, how do you start to.

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, part of what happens, and that's a really good question, is we report if we get cancer. If you got cancer, your doctor knows it, but your doctor reports it. You don't necessarily report it. And what's happening when people are reporting to me is we're asking where they're from. And oftentimes we don't do that. You know, and this is why I think we miss disease clusters. And this is where I think we have a hole in our cancer reporting system. Because you. You may have grown up. You could have grown up in Hinckley, California for all I know, and been exposed to hex Chrome for 20 years, moved to Florida, come down with cancer, and when you report it, it gets reported as a statistic in Florida, but the exposure for you happened in Hinkley. And that's what we believe we're going to be able to start doing on this map is place potentially hundreds of people who are located throughout the US Back to one source.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Erin Brockovich]

Did I lose you?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Erin Brockovich]

Am I boring you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I got you. I'm sorry.

[Erin Brockovich]

You're telling me to shut up?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Erin Brockovich]

I get off on that. But people can report it. This is what we hope this will do is that they can report it to this registry as well, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it's good. I'm just saying. I don't mean to jump the gun, but what I'm saying is you report your thing and then you find out if other people are reporting the same thing in whatever neighborhood you grew up in or whatever high school.

[Erin Brockovich]

And that's what we're finding out we're doing in here. I can go in and trend a town. Middleton, Ohio. Middleton, Ohio, for example. And what the system will do when I query it, it will bring all the inquiries. Because people could write me from Florida and say, I grew up in Middleton, Ohio, but now I can query it and they will all come together. And then that starts to tell me even a bigger picture. And then what I go from there is I'll take a specific disease that they might be replaced reporting, and then it will pull from everything. People reporting from all over the US that may have the same particular disease.

[Adam Carolla]

From the same particular town become big sister.

[Erin Brockovich]

And then we can run, right? Yeah, I like, we can analyze it.

[Adam Carolla]

I love when technology is used not just to, you know, look into your neighbor's backyard, but solve a problem.

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, and that's exactly what I was trying to do here. I was like, how could I possibly take this information and do something, Something responsible with it that could help find a solution?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I gotta do a quick spot for our good friends over at Auto Shepherd. Allison, you cue up the news there and be ready. Auto shepherd, you work on your own car?

[Erin Brockovich]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Erin Brockovich]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You're so hands on.

[Erin Brockovich]

Not on a car that is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I bet Julia Roberts does a little wrenching.

[Erin Brockovich]

Does.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she have to hang out with you to get your. Get your laugh and get your vibe?

[Erin Brockovich]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

What the hell?

[Erin Brockovich]

I always. I. That wasn't my call. Steven Soderbergh said, you know what? There's a mannerism between the two of you that one or the other wouldn't know. He said, but I don't want her to just come along and mimic you. I want her to actually understand you. That's kind of how it rolled.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at her at that push up bra. Autoship.com. that's the place to shop for your auto parts online. Cars, trucks, jeeps, you name it. I don't care what you got. It's got four wheels, they got parts for it, over 200 brands. They got custom parts, they Got high performance parts, industry leaders and customer service. 365 day return policy. Look, you're on the Internet already. You're buying everything else on the Internet. You got a broken down car. Why not get your car parts on the Internet? That's what I do. Why pay retail? That's my question. Why? I ask you. Also free shipping on orders over 50 bucks. You get a starter, you get an alternator, you get a generator. That's a trick question. They don't make those anymore. Yeah, and it sings way a lot. Easy to ship. But you get free shipping on orders over 50 bucks. Even Aaron likes those kind of numbers. Visit autoshepard.com Adam use the promo code Adam. And save 10% on anything on the site. Good friends, good sponsors, good people. Auto Shepherd. All right, Allison, News, baby girl. And now the rest of the news with Allison Rosen.

[Dana Gould]

Michelle Obama now holds part of a world record. The first lady announced that her October bid to break the record for the most people doing jumping jacks in a 24 hour period. Seated, she says that 300,265 people participating. Shattering the old. Participated. Shattering the old record in order to.

[Adam Carolla]

How many? How many did this?

[Dana Gould]

300,265 people.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. How do you document that? You can't get them all out onto the wall.

[Dana Gould]

You can't count it off.

[Adam Carolla]

This is one of those things where they get a bunch of schoolyards to do it.

[Dana Gould]

At the same time, she led about 400 elementary and middle school students from Washington in jumping jacks on the south lawn of the White House. So maybe it only took 400 people.

[Adam Carolla]

That's gonna fix.

[Dana Gould]

But other jumping jack events were held.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll fix the deficit and good.

[Dana Gould]

Here's the thing though. The headline of this story.

[Adam Carolla]

What is going on? Let me say this. Every time I turn on the goddamn tv. It's some athlete, some move initiative. Yeah. Hey, come on, it's some athlete, some NFL guy going one hour a day every day. Come on, kids, let's move. We are now at the point where I have to beg 11 year olds to move. That is so goddamn sad. Because when I was a kid, all I did is run in a circle and drink hose water. That's all I did. Play ditch. And you just run and you just ride your bike. I mean, as soon as the sun came out, now it's like, come on, you kids, you gotta run. I mean, kids are supposed to want to run. You're banging the run. And now the man or the woman is telling them to run. And now they're like, screw you, old lady. I'm playing more video games and eating another Twinkie.

[Allison Rosen]

We gotta bring back Smear the Queer.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody has to bring back Smear the Queer. And that man's gonna be me because that's a calorie burner right there. You're running for your life.

[Dana Gould]

You might find that surprising.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's why you're a heavyset. In junior high, if you played more Smear the Queer, you'd be, well, what does that mean?

[Dana Gould]

How do you smear them?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, in the name Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the way we would, the way we would play it is we'd throw a handball kind of thing against the handball board. And if you miss, handled the ball that dropped or something, then everyone just jumped on you. But it was really everything involved a ball and you getting the shit kicked out of you.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, well, we played dodgeball and then at tennis camp we played butts up. That was short lived because my dad called and complained.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad called? Dropped a dime.

[Dana Gould]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Dana Gould]

Cause I told him you'd have. You'd kids would be like on the other side of the tennis court and they'd bend over with their butts in the air and then you would try to hit them with the balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see.

[Dana Gould]

And it scared the shit out of me because I'm just the kind of person I was. Does that surprise you?

[Adam Carolla]

No. But you're one of these. Let me tell you something.

[Dana Gould]

I ruined the abusive fun all the other kids.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is, is one time I was driving with Dr. Drew and his wife and I never stopped complaining about how slow the drivers are. I can't stand getting drivers because they just crawl something about getting tickets, something about their nationality. I don't know what it is. But driving from the airport to the venue or from the hotel to the venue, it's like you're just on the fucking freeway and cars are just blasting past you on both sides. I mean, Honda CRVs are like nine Mexicans in them, just fucking blowing past you. And you're driving like a couple weeks ago, I'm going from the Denver airport into denver, which like 50 miles. And you know if you're going slow, it's going to take an extra 20 minutes. And you're tired and you want to take a nap, take a shower before. And you're looking at your watch and like, come on, come on. And I'm actually telling the guy, drive. And I had it happen once. And these guys are such slow pieces of Shit, they drive me nuts. It's like someone's torturing me with these motherfuckers. One time I was driving in San Francisco with Dr. Drew and his wife, and the guy was going at a good clip, and Dr. Drew's wife said, hey, slow down. And I said, thanks. You've now ruined it for everybody. This is the reason why the guy drags his ass. Because you told him that you. You telling him to slow down were forever. Now I get the crawl from the airport to the hotel. You dropping the dime on the Butts up with your dad has ruined it for everybody. And your dad got on the blower.

[Dana Gould]

He did. And he said it was dangerous, which it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Of a tennis ball with a tennis racket. A tennis racket?

[Dana Gould]

No, they weren't throwing them. You're using a forehand or backhand.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not trying to wedge the racket in though, right?

[Dana Gould]

No, but it could happen.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm kidding you with the. Oh, butts up. Come on.

[Dana Gould]

Come on.

[Allison Rosen]

Our version of butts up was closer to what you were saying with the tennis ball on the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

You threw it.

[Allison Rosen]

You kept throwing it. People would grab it if you missed it. Instead of getting piled on like in your game, you had to go up there, hands on the wall, and everyone got one shot at your ass.

[Adam Carolla]

But again, burning calories, not unlike prison burning calories.

[Allison Rosen]

A little different.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dana Gould]

Okay. Seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

A fat yes.

[Dana Gould]

Let's say they were somewhere where Butts up was being played and they were scared. What would your reaction be? Suck it up and be theater.

[Adam Carolla]

Where Butts up is being shown.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Where they're putting on a summer stock production of Butts Up.

[Adam Carolla]

More butter flavoring. I like. I have this. My motto is, same one I have with Pop Warner. Football versus soccer, which is a dislocated finger heels in about three weeks. And being a pussy is a lifetime sentence. That's the way I feel.

[Dana Gould]

You would say this.

[Adam Carolla]

I really would. I wouldn't care. I want my kid to be tough. I want to be a stud. I don't care if they get the shit kicked out of him every once in a while. I really don't. It's a little too late, Daddy. Listen. You know what I did with my daughter already?

[Dana Gould]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not proud of this, but. And it's actually bad parenting on my behalf, but, you know, every night I have twin 5 year olds and the girl is, you know, she has no fear. And my son's a puss. Full blown puss. And he won't run and jump, but she'll run and do that, you know, Superman dive at me, you know? And she gets up on that bed, and she's like, move it back. Move it back, old man. And I'm like, I'm back. I'm back far. She'll get to run, and she'll. She'll hop, you know, she'll throw her arms and I'll grab her, you know. And about a year ago, she was like, move it back. And I was like, all right. And then she said, I'm standing, like, eight feet from the picture, Ben. She's like, back it up. And I was like, you're not going to get me from there if I back it up. She's like, back it up. And I was like, all right. And I backed it up. And she got a run right in the carpet. Face plant. And I thought, well, she learned a nice, valuable lesson about this. She doesn't tell me to back out of range anymore. She. Now she keeps me far but in realistic range because she did a face plant. She went and ratted me out with my. My mom. With mom and Olga, my nanny. But the point is, she backed me out of range. I just listened to her faceplant. She's fine, but lesson learned. Calorie burn. Well, thanks, Frank. What's up?

[Dana Gould]

In defense of pussies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Your dad's called.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, He's a doctor, so they had to listen to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen.

[Dana Gould]

Someone could be very bruised or psychologically torn.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm dropping a dick. You don't drop a dime on butts up. Let me tell you something. I went in and did the NFL.

[Dana Gould]

Would you drop a dime on butts up?

[Erin Brockovich]

I don't know. I'm enjoying this conversation. I don't know if I'm going to chime in, though.

[Adam Carolla]

I went on Rich Eisen's podcast on the NFL Network a couple of months ago. I did a long. I did a long snap to him, and. Oh, Jesus, Marshall Falk was holding the ball. Eisen kicked me in the back of the ball sack two times. Times with a. With a football. Two times in a row.

[Dana Gould]

Do you want my dad to call him?

[Adam Carolla]

Two kicks in a row. Did I call my dad? Nope.

[Dana Gould]

I was, like, 8 years old. It's one thing if it's teenagers. I don't know why that's any different.

[Adam Carolla]

Dropped a dime and then your dad got the whole thing shut down.

[Dana Gould]

That's right. They couldn't play butts up anymore. The tennis camp almost went out of business.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. Y And that's why we haven't had a great American player in like the last 20 years. Because butts up and other contributing factors.

[Allison Rosen]

Such as dominated by Thailand.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Where butts up is no problem.

[Dana Gould]

Here are butts up. Here are nine. Actually, I might not do all nine. Here are some stubborn brain myths that won't go away, but that have been debunked.

[Adam Carolla]

For example, arguing with kids to run around. So sad.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, see, I was fine with running around. Not that this is about that. Fine with running around. I wasn't fine with taking a tennis ball to the ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Bring back butts up and smear the queer.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe we should do a psa.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's heal this country. Hey, everybody. I'm successful author, podcaster, stand up cable television and radio star Adam Carolla. I didn't get where I am today by hitting bugles and sitting around. I've got a lot something called grit, and I earned it by playing games called smear the queer and Butza and the occasional teabag haze. Thank you. The more you know. Sorry, go ahead.

[Dana Gould]

My whole worldview has changed.

[Adam Carolla]

Meet me down at Beverly High to do jumping jacks in front of the benzine factory. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

So here's a myth. Left brain people are organized and right brained people are created.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait a minute.

[Dana Gould]

There's not really anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. We can watch. We can watch footage of Rich Eisen kicking me in the back of the scrotum sack. There's one. That's the first time he did, too.

[Dana Gould]

How did it feel?

[Adam Carolla]

He did. You know what? It was a learning experience. And you know what I did? I didn't call my dad. I got right back into position. I picked up the ball. Marshall got down and grabbed the knee. And I got back in the position to snap. Again. Again.

[Dana Gould]

Butts up.

[Adam Carolla]

Rich lined it up and he promptly. Well, you'll see what he did as soon as I line up again. I got back down in position. Rich is a sidewinder. Although he's wearing Bruno Molly, he's not.

[Allison Rosen]

A straight on style.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I got down. Snap. Ooh, nice snap to Marshall. I don't think Marshall was ready for that.

[Dana Gould]

Complimenting your own.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, somebody's gotta compliment me around here. Drilled it back to him. Pow. Put it right there. Put it down.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, he missed.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, he missed me.

[Dana Gould]

That time you remembered it as twice because he hit both balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, he. It must be two out of three. Yeah, because the guy didn't have him miked up or something. All right, here comes the second. Here comes the second kick in the back of the sack. Here we go.

[Dana Gould]

Butts up.

[Adam Carolla]

There's Marshall wearing a sunglasses, glasses, down on one knee. I'm ready to snap it. Drilled it back right in position and right in the ass.

[Dana Gould]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Second time in a row. Did a card.

[Dana Gould]

He nailed your uprights.

[Allison Rosen]

It almost went through that time. It almost bounced off your button and through Marshall.

[Adam Carolla]

Enjoying the shit out of me getting kicked in the ass two times in a row. But what do we do? Like a warrior. I hug it out like a warrior.

[Dana Gould]

Now, did the point of the football hit you? Cause you know it hurts more than a.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see.

[Dana Gould]

Let's take a look.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's take a look. Looking in now at football's hardest rock, especially. That was Green Bay, December.

[Dana Gould]

If you had a lot of people.

[Adam Carolla]

Think that was downtown Culver City.

[Dana Gould]

If you had a tramp stamp, that's where he hit you. Yeah, it was actually right above it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no ass enough. No calls to papa. That's my point.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it was right in the cocc.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's more nerve endings in that.

[Dana Gould]

One place, but I think a tennis ball being hurled at you off a tennis racket, it might even be more painful than a football.

[Adam Carolla]

Butts up tennis balls. You're basically calling, I take a wiffle.

[Dana Gould]

Ball to my ass.

[Adam Carolla]

You're calling the thing they put on walkers and stroke. Canes, weapons.

[Dana Gould]

Sometimes they put them off the ball.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm talking about a football. I'm talking about something to take an eye out.

[Dana Gould]

I'd take a birdie to the butt if we were playing badminton.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what's next? What about the brain?

[Dana Gould]

There's no such thing as left brain people or right brain people. And there's no such thing as specifically that left brain people have a certain personality and right brain people have a different personality. And the reason they thought that is because a long time ago, when people would have damage to a certain side of the brain, then they would lose certain skills. But actually, the hemispheres of the brain are much more interconnected than anyone realizes.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. I had damage to my left cheek hemisphere from Rich.

[Dana Gould]

Did you lose creativity?

[Adam Carolla]

I could not taste cinnamon for the first few weeks. And then it came back. That was.

[Dana Gould]

It was this around the holidays.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the only. Only side effect. That was the only. You know what's nice? I like the hot apple cider where they give you the cinnamon stick to stir it with. You kind of use it as a straw, and you suck on it a little bit and someone dumps some rum in there.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

That's nice.

[Erin Brockovich]

That is nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erin Brockovich]

That time of year.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't sue that guy. Oh, yeah, he's doing good work. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Bloody Mary with the celery snack.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

There should be more food items that.

[Adam Carolla]

You can stir and then eat. Yeah, that's solid.

[Erin Brockovich]

Cinnamon's good for you. They say it, like, regulates your blood sugar all along.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got to get that cinnamon stir thing.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, I agree. They're the bomb.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's that cinnamon come from? Do they roll it up that way? Does it dry up and roll? It must dry up and roll up that. Is there somebody in charge of rolling cinnamon sticks?

[Dana Gould]

Elves.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that a leaf?

[Dana Gould]

That's the province of elves.

[Adam Carolla]

Where does it begin? Is it Thailand or something? It's gotta be some weird place. Far away maybe. Where do we grow it?

[Brian Bishop]

At it.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't get it.

[Erin Brockovich]

Growing it like a cigar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, some old Cuban guy got a cinnamon stick hanging out of his mouth while he rolls yours. It's looking good.

[Dana Gould]

Did you really lose your ability to taste cinnamon?

[Adam Carolla]

Just momentarily?

[Dana Gould]

Because once I had. There's something called pine mouth, which is this weird thing that can happen when you eat pine nuts, where for, like, two weeks, everything tastes weird and soapy. I hand.

[Adam Carolla]

God.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, look it up. It's all over the Internet. Another myth. Your memory is an exact account of what you see and experience. That's not really how memories are filed in your brain. Instead, it's just sort of a short phrase, such as, dinner was disappointing. That's how you'd remember it. You would remember all of this.

[Adam Carolla]

I find that people remember what things felt like rather than. Than what actually happened. If somebody feels ugly or stupid or something, they will say, this person just screamed at me. I was stupid. And it's like they didn't scream at you, and they didn't say you were stupid, but you screamed that at yourself.

[Erin Brockovich]

It's your interpretation, your perception of what someone think.

[Adam Carolla]

They said something like, if you can't work the atm, maybe you could step aside because I'm in a hurry. But they didn't scream. They didn't run up to you and scream at you stupid. That was a version of somebody screaming at you stupid. That did not happen. And that happens with a lot of people.

[Erin Brockovich]

Well, I remember when I was growing up in Kansas, I always thought my house was huge. And then as an adult and I moved away and I had kids and I had my own house. I came back and I'm like, oh, my God, it's So small. I mean, it's not what I remember or thought it was at all.

[Adam Carolla]

With my dad's penis.

[Erin Brockovich]

I haven't gone there to my dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see what you say. Your dad. Right. It seemed bigger than it was. I mean, that it is, you know, now growing up.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah, but so then. I'm just saying your memory sees or perceives it one way, and then in reality, I don't know. Maybe it's different.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm with you. That's why I never really believe people when they tell you that thing where, like, you go. They go. And so I'm ordering a Denver omelette, but I asked if I could have it scrambled, and the waitress starts screaming at me. And it's like, really? She starts screaming at you? She screamed at me, no, we don't make it. Then I'm like, I really don't think she was screaming at you in the middle. And if she was screaming at you, she would probably be removed. Like, she'd be let go as a waitress. Right. She may have said, our chef doesn't blah, blah. Or we have a policy about blah, blah. But I don't think she started screaming at, you know, those people that every time they have to put a couple zeros behind every story, the guy got in my face and just started threatening me. And it's like, really? That guy got in your face and started threatening me?

[Erin Brockovich]

This kind of, like, becomes part of their storytelling. You know, it's that game, that telephone game. It starts with one person trying to get to the other end. It's a completely different story. So that's just part of their. Yeah, they're just sharing a story, but it gets embellished a little.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Erin Brockovich]

Maybe makes it more interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But to me, I just tune out because I'm like.

[Erin Brockovich]

It's kind of boring if you go order an omelette and this waitress tells you. No, I mean, you gotta have something in there to make it a. I.

[Adam Carolla]

Would argue, don't share anything at all.

[Erin Brockovich]

She's screaming at me.

[Adam Carolla]

No, don't tell me nothing. Tell me nothing.

[Dana Gould]

The thing that's weird, though, is when you hear someone telling a story like that and you were actually there for the real version.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

And their version of it is really flattering to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Dana Gould]

That happened to me once. Someone was telling this story about how me. Oh, no, about me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Dana Gould]

But we could make it about you.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Let's hear it. How's it go? And it was a lie, but it was about you.

[Dana Gould]

It Was a lie. Yeah. I went looking at apartments with her and the, the like real estate agent guy was really pressuring her to, she had to sign by a certain date or something. And I said to her, why does it have to be by that date? But by the time the story was retold, it was. And then, and then I was getting pressured and after Allison went up to him and got in his face and to find out why it had to be blah, blah, blah, and like I saved the day, which was not at all what happened. It was really weird.

[Adam Carolla]

But you can't.

[Dana Gould]

It's flattering. Yeah, it's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's why whenever they do those movies, like they'll do those movies and they'll do like Backdraft or Engine, whatever about firemen and they got all these buff good looking guys and like there's that scene where somebody goes, that factory's on fire. That lint factory's on fire. Fire. And, and, and some guy go, looks the other guy's face and goes, there's a feral cat in there. And that's just, that's. And by the way, as long as its heart's beating and my heart's beating, I'm going back in. And then they thank you. And then when they interview firemen, they go, yeah, it's a totally realistic depiction of what it's like. Cuz, yeah, everyone's good looking and a hero. No one's fat, no one's sitting around arguing over what kind of chili they're going to make tonight or going, I'm not going in there. No, they're not. Nobody does it. So of course, when they ask fighter jocks, you know, it's Top Gun. Yes, it is. Yes. You know, everyone looks like Val Kilmer and everyone's good looking and everyone's whatever. So yeah, you get a lot of that in life. And I, you know, when they make a movie about podcasters and the guy's, you know, wearing a tank top and he's ripped and you know, he's taken on all kinds of social issues, I'll be like, yep, that's what, that's me. That's exactly what podcasts, the early podcasters.

[Dana Gould]

Here's a myth that I think will appeal to you. The myth that alcohol kills brain cells. Not true. Oh, to kill brain cells, you'd have to drink yourself into a coma. Really Darn.

[Adam Carolla]

And done.

[Dana Gould]

And considering how much is that a challenge missing? Considering how much some people drink? You would. If you were killing brain cells every time you drank, then you would be suffering all sorts of consequences because you can't just walk around killing brain cells like, pre. Quickly. That there will be an impact.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Dana Gould]

You keep drinking, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Done and done. I had Matt buy me a bottle of wine.

[F]

Yeah.

[Erin Brockovich]

Is that all? Or is it just the.

[Dana Gould]

The kind you'd know?

[Erin Brockovich]

I mean, seem to differentiate wine between, like. I like vodka.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, me too.

[Erin Brockovich]

It's all alcohol.

[Dana Gould]

All alcohol? Yeah.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah. I'm a vodka drinker.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Take that, Dr. Drew.

[Dana Gould]

And the last two.

[F]

I don't want to.

[Dana Gould]

Like, listening to classical music does not turn your baby into a genius. There were some promising preliminary results of these studies, but ultimately, they found that listening to classical music made no difference.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, here's what makes the big difference with all this stuff coming from a household where they're thinking about ways to.

[Dana Gould]

Make you smarter and protecting your butts from tennis balls.

[Adam Carolla]

That. Oh, boy. That makes a difference coming from that family. Like, if I'm sitting around, if Aaron Brockovich and I are married and the day is young, we'd make quite a couple, you and I, sitting around writing books all day.

[Erin Brockovich]

Oh, that'd be great. Drink a wine and vodka.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I make what I call Mangria, where I mix the vodka with the wine.

[Erin Brockovich]

Oh, do you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, pretty good. Pretty good.

[Erin Brockovich]

I saw the wine coming out. I was like, damn, where's the bottle of vodka?

[Adam Carolla]

We'll stir it with a cinnamon stick. That'd be awesome. Yeah. So we're sitting around. If we're sitting around all day writing books and trying to figure out ways to make our children smarter, they will be smarter. Because we're thinking, just the fact that we're burning those kind of calories would put them into, you know, an advanced. Would advance them. That's the part that they never figure out with these things. You know, they go like. Well, it turns out children that play the cello are 22% more likely to excel in school. Yeah. Because they play the cello. Their parents care. They buy them a cello, they drive them. They. You know, there's all. There's so many other circumstances to be factors to be woven into this. That's why it's bullshit on the other side, too, where they do those commercials where they're like, hi, I'm Bono. We've got to save the music. The reason we've got to save the music is because kids that play in the musical band tend to stay in school and get higher test scores. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's many other factors. Playing a fucking oboe doesn't make you smart. Having parents that buy you an oboe and make you study the oboe make you smart. Bono, let's keep. What about shop class? You never hear about that. Fuck. Save the music. Let's bring back Smear the Queer and Woodshot. That's what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

100% of top podcasters play Smear the.

[Adam Carolla]

Queer and play wood shop. That's right. Hi, I'm Bono for Smear the Queer. That's how it goes.

[Dana Gould]

Hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, I'm Bono. I'm the Edge. And I'm. Say your name. Say your name. Larry. And we're. You, too. Larry's got to come up with a cool name.

[Dana Gould]

Do you want to give him one?

[Adam Carolla]

We should give him one.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see.

[Dana Gould]

Who could it be?

[Adam Carolla]

Bono and the Edge.

[Dana Gould]

Should we give him a name that has an article in front of it? Like Ann? You know, we have the.

[Adam Carolla]

The edge.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, we have the edge. So he could be an other guy, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

I think we should maybe give him something like otter so it could spell out boat. You know what I mean? Like. Like, you know, like an acronym or something.

[Dana Gould]

And. Oh, there I. Okay, see, I said Adam, and I.

[Adam Carolla]

Thought, yeah, that's hilarious.

[Dana Gould]

But there is an Adam Clayton.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And there's, well, him. Adam Clayton. Well, you just call him Clay. See? Nothing better than a last name you can shorten. But Mull. No good. And Larry. No good.

[Dana Gould]

Should we hit Larry Miller next?

[Adam Carolla]

Let's work on that. 76. That group formed. That's important to me.

[Dana Gould]

Here's an important news story that we need to talk about now. 10 most popular U.S. christmas trees.

[Adam Carolla]

Hmm. Come on, spruce.

[Dana Gould]

Frasier fir is number one.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, spruce.

[Dana Gould]

Douglas fir, Balsam fir.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, spruce.

[Dana Gould]

Colorado blue spruce.

[Adam Carolla]

Geek.

[Dana Gould]

Is that the spruce you were thinking of?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just thinking of. I'm thinking of a Nevada gray, but keep going.

[Dana Gould]

Scotch pine. White spruce. Is that your spruce?

[Adam Carolla]

That was my gay porn name.

[Dana Gould]

White prefer Virginia pine and eastern red cedar. Now, I don't know what these look like exactly, but I do have strong opinions about. I believe it's the Douglas versus the noble tree. Like some of them.

[Adam Carolla]

One of them's a little sparse.

[Dana Gould]

Yes. And then people will say, oh, but it's the best for hanging ornaments.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yes, you can see them through there.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I don't like that kind of tree.

[Adam Carolla]

I like a full.

[Erin Brockovich]

You like a full tree?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, I like a full, frowy tree. Yeah, I got a big, fat goddamn tree. I'll tell you what. One of the a.

[Dana Gould]

Back to Africa Tree.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the things. Yeah, one of the things you should do to celebrate Christmas is a Fuck that fake tree number one. And I don't want to hear any of your bullshit about how convenient it is. Well, look, then open a can of turkey, you lazy shits. That's my point. It's gonna be easy. Yeah, let's all just go to Gelson's and have them make our Thanksgiving or Christmas meal for us. Or better yet, let's just hit the Denny's.

[Allison Rosen]

Can you give us Junior?

[Adam Carolla]

What's that?

[Allison Rosen]

Can you give.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Larry Mullen. Okay. Hi, I'm Larry Mullen, Jr. Buy a real Christmas tree. And the hassle of Christmas is the foreplay of Christmas. I know what you want to do. You just want to. You gotta warm it up by dragging that thing in. You have to have the argument at the Christmas tree lot with the wife about which one. You gotta. You gotta. You gotta strap it on. You have to have the guy who's a registered sex offender, help you tie it to the roof of the SUV so you can get it home. The guy lives in that weird camper thing in the back doing God knows what.

[Dana Gould]

And when you carry it, you have to get pine needles up your nose.

[Adam Carolla]

Your nose. And you leave a trail of them. And then you sweep them up and the whole thing. And then you have to figure out when you're gonna get rid of it. It's after New Year. Should we wait for the weekend? Then it's uncommon clear. What do you do? Do you saw it in half and throw it in the green dumpster? Or does the city of LA pick those things up? Or you just go drop it off down at the wash? Like, what the hell do you do with this thing? But all part of the foreplay of Christmas. The long, slow, drawn out, oral sex part of Christmas. Wow.

[Dana Gould]

Hear, hear.

[Erin Brockovich]

Have you ever had a pine needle stuck up your nose?

[Dana Gould]

Well, no, but. No, I mean, not. Not like where I couldn't get it back out.

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Dad called the Christmas tree lot. Sued them. Business?

[Dana Gould]

No. But in fourth grade, a kid named Jeffrey got a bean stuck up his nose.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. A little bean from a tree. A tree that dropped little tiny red beans.

[Adam Carolla]

He put one up his nose.

[Dana Gould]

I don't know how it got up his nose, but it was lodged up.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody seemed to have one of those. What'd you have?

[Erin Brockovich]

A pussy willow stuck up my nose.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Erin Brockovich]

Yeah. Because I was running around when you were talking about growing up. I was outside all the time. Dodge ball, tennis balls, up my butt. Everything running by my hand, always, always outside. And I was running and I went to jump off my bike and there was a patch of wool and I tripped and it shot straight at my nose.

[Adam Carolla]

Still there today.

[Erin Brockovich]

Still see the scar. Now the pussy wolves gone with scars there. I've actually had. That's why I asked you, did you really get one stuck up your nose?

[Adam Carolla]

How you ever hear those doctors that are like, yeah, he's got a bullet in his brain stem. We're going. And it's like, wow, how lazy do you have to be as a doctor to go like, yeah, I'm leaving that bullet. Like, half the guys I feel like got shot. The doctor said, we're leaving it in there. And I think no one questions them on it, but maybe they're just really lazy or they don't want. They don't like the gore.

[Dana Gould]

They don't like blood. Yeah, blood makes them queasy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Let's bring it home, baby.

[Dana Gould]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[F]

That was the news with Alex Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Rosen, Hot water, name of the novel. It is out now available on Amazon. Keep the love going for us. You're gonna buy Aaron's book. How about you click through our banner, go to mcroll.com click on Amazon and then you buy Aaron's book. And we. It's beautiful. Aaron gets a little taste, the publisher gets a little taste, and we get an itty bitty taste because you click through our website. Our the Amazon banner. Go ahead and bookmark that the website brockovich.com and you can Twitter her @erin brockovich1. Erin a delight.

[Erin Brockovich]

Hey, it's fun. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Come back anytime you like.

[Erin Brockovich]

I would love to. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, Adam Croller for Bold Bryant, Aaron Brockovich. Now, sir Rosen saying mahalo.

[Dana Gould]

I take a birdie to the butt.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that's Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

Cool show. 723. Aaron has since come back on the podcast again.

[Adam Carolla]

This was her premiere episode.

[Allison Rosen]

That does it for today's cool classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for all new installment.

[Adam Carolla]

Until then, mahalo. And get it on.