French Cocaine, Malibu Lots for Sale, Amazon Poop & Being a Jehovah’s Witness with Comedian Dustin Ybarra

Summary

Summary of "French Cocaine, Malibu Lots for Sale, Amazon Poop & Being a Jehovah’s Witness with Comedian Dustin Ybarra"

Release Date: May 13, 2025
Guest: Comedian Dustin Ybarra

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes comedian Dustin Ybarra back to the studio. Together, they delve into a variety of humorous and thought-provoking topics, ranging from the nuances of stand-up comedy to societal issues in Los Angeles. Their candid banter, laced with unfiltered humor, offers listeners an engaging front-row seat to their dynamic interaction.

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Stand-Up Comedy and the Evolution of Jokes

Crafting Tailored Material
Dustin Ybarra shares his experiences performing at a high-profile Kennedy Jr. benefit event. Initially preparing jokes specifically for the occasion, he recounts the moment he realized his crafted material wasn't resonating with the audience.

Dustin Ybarra [02:14]: "And when you do those events, you kind of go like, well, I want to go after that guy. Do I want to go after that guy? But if this guy goes up there and he crushes it, then I'm gonna have to go up right after that guy."

Switching to Reliable Humor
Faced with a lukewarm reception, Dustin opts for his tried-and-true “dick jokes” to salvage his set, highlighting the balance comedians often strike between innovative and universally funny material.

Adam Carolla [04:48]: "That's the old reliable."
Dustin Ybarra [04:56]: "This dick joke took place 32 years ago. Like, this is not only a dick joke. It happened in 1991."

---

Challenges of Clean Comedy

Navigating Clean Sets
The conversation shifts to the complexities of writing and performing clean comedy. Both Adam and Dustin discuss the constraints and creative strategies involved when tailoring humor for different audiences and platforms, such as late-night TV versus dry bar specials.

Dustin Ybarra [11:22]: "Writing clean is harder. It's like saying it's harder to play football on a football field than on an open field where you could just keep running."

Balancing Edginess and Appropriateness
They explore the fine line comedians walk to maintain their signature edgy humor while adhering to event-specific guidelines, emphasizing the continual mental adjustment required during performances.

Adam Carolla [12:54]: "I have an edgy. I have a clean joke too. That's like a dick joke. It's just right there where it's enough subtlety that I can, like, get away with it."

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ABBA, Tax Rates, and the Future of Live Music

ABBA’s International Success and Sweden’s Tax Policies
Dustin delves into the historical success of ABBA outside the United States, attributing their ability to tour extensively to Sweden's then-85% tax rates, which incentivized artists to stay and perform within the country.

Dustin Ybarra [22:52]: "Now the difference between Sweden and Stockholm and like LA is at least you get something for your 85%. Like, shit was clean, orderly."

The Concept of Avatar Bands
The duo discusses the futuristic idea of avatarized bands, comparing it to innovations seen with groups like Kiss, and speculates on the potential for perpetuating legacy acts through technology.

Dustin Ybarra [25:02]: "They're now doing like an avatar ABBA and you can stay home in Stockholm and hammer checks because they're just clearing all the music and doing all the production."

---

Adam Carolla’s Metal Detecting Adventures

Finding Treasures and Trash
Adam shares his passion for metal detecting along the beaches of Los Angeles, recounting his finds ranging from valuable jewelry to everyday trash. He highlights the dual nature of metal detecting—discovering both treasures and remnants of everyday life.

Adam Carolla [71:31]: "The most valuable thing? A few weeks ago, I found a Tiffany's necklace. It was silver and it's, like, worth a couple of grand."

Community Engagement and Lost Items
He emphasizes his ethical approach to finding items, occasionally sharing finds with the community to help reunite lost possessions with their rightful owners.

Adam Carolla [72:03]: "If it's, like, super expensive, I'll put something on, like, Facebook neighborhood. Let me know what it looks like."

---

Societal Challenges in Los Angeles: Public Urination and Homelessness

The Pissing Problem
Dustin and Adam humorously yet critically examine the pervasive issue of public urination in Los Angeles, attributing it to a combination of strict rules against using public restrooms and the city’s homelessness crisis.

Dustin Ybarra [105:03]: "But everywhere's into Sodom and Gomorrah. We're all fucking animals now."

Creative (and Absurd) Solutions
They brainstorm exaggerated, comedic solutions to the public urination problem, such as specialized "dookie wagons" or enhanced delivery truck designs to accommodate basic needs.

Adam Carolla [107:22]: "You could tighten your foot on this."
Dustin Ybarra [108:06]: "It's the animal. This is the animal."

---

Conspiracy Theories and AI in Legal Proceedings

Macron’s Alleged Cocaine Conspiracy
The conversation veers into a discussion about a conspiracy theory involving French President Emmanuel Macron allegedly being caught with cocaine, fueled by media speculation and public distrust.

Unnamed Caller [96:20]: "A lot is shaky. European leaders traveling for Ukraine talks as a frustrated Macron speaks out, calls it fake news."

AI-Generated Forgiveness in Court
Dustin introduces a fictional scenario where an AI-crafted video allows a victim to forgive his killer in court, raising questions about the authenticity and ethical implications of AI in legal contexts.

Unnamed Caller [118:21]: "The state asked for nine and a half years."
Dustin Ybarra [118:28]: "In another life, we probably could have been friends. I believe in forgiveness and in God who forgives."

---

Conclusion and Upcoming Shows

As the episode wraps up, Dustin promotes his upcoming live shows in Bellflower, California, Tacoma, and Spokane, Oregon. The hosts briefly touch upon future content and encourage listeners to tune in for more engaging conversations and comedy.

Dustin Ybarra [122:25]: "I'm gonna be doing stand up in Bellflower. That's May 24th. And then Tacoma, Washington."

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Notable Quotes

• Dustin Ybarra [02:14]: "And when you do those events, you kind of go like, well, I want to go after that guy... I'm gonna have to go up right after that guy."
• Adam Carolla [04:48]: "That's the old reliable."
• Dustin Ybarra [11:22]: "Writing clean is harder. It's like saying it's harder to play football on a football field..."
• Adam Carolla [71:31]: "A Tiffany's necklace... worth a couple of grand."
• Dustin Ybarra [105:03]: "We're all fucking animals now."
• Unnamed Caller [96:20]: "European leaders... Macron speaks out, calls it fake news."
• Dustin Ybarra [118:28]: "I believe in forgiveness and in God who forgives."

---

This episode masterfully blends humor with insightful commentary on contemporary issues, showcasing the chemistry between Adam Carolla and Dustin Ybarra. Their ability to transition seamlessly between light-hearted jokes and serious discussions keeps the audience both entertained and engaged.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

The new McCrispy strip is here.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Dip approved by Ketchup, Tangy barbecue, Honey mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, double dipped in buffalo and ranch, more ranch and creamy chili. McCrispy strip dip now at McDonald's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Most people would rather remove a nest of irate hornets than search for auto and home insurance. That's why the zebra searches for you. Comparing over 100 insurance companies to find savings no one else can Compare. [e-mail] I think I'll wait inside.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, this episode, very funny. Comedian Dustin Ibarra comes back in and brings the comedy. Mayhem's doing the news, I'm doing the commentary. And we'll do all that right after this.

[Dawson]

Even more live shows with Adam Carolla at the end of this month in Bellflower, California. Two shows at the Stand Up Comedy Club on May 24th. Then on May 30th, he travels up to Washington for four shows at the Tacoma Comedy Club in Tacoma May 30th and 31st. Then off to Spokane, Oregon, Washington at the Spokane Comedy Club on June 1st. Tickets for these and [e-mail].

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right, this show brought to you in part by Simply Safe. If you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again. Just go to simplisafe.com Adam get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well to set it up. Custom system is going to show up post haste. [e-mail] Adam.

[Dawson]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Dustin Ibarra. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now he doesn't care about the executive order on drug prices because he never gets sick. Adam Corolla.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the church. Dustin Ibarras back in studio.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, buddy.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Always good to see Dustin. I discovered him when we were doing stand up for Kennedy Jr. Yeah, he.

[Adam Carolla]

Went on new big things, huh?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Kennedy kid.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, he was doing great. He is doing great. I love that guy. And we're all part of his benefit. And I didn't know Dustin, but the buzz backstage, gotta look out for this guy. You he's going. And when you do those events, you kind of go like, well, I want to go after that guy. Do I want to go after that guy? But if this guy goes up there and he crushes it, then I'm gonna have to go up right after that guy. So everyone stood in The Wings. I watch young Dustin. Very funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I love how you said discovered too. That makes me picture you with a cigar.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, who is this kid? Welcome to Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta get him on the show.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Who is he? He was sitting at the counter at the Brown Derby. You see Schwab's. I think he was drinking a knee high. I came in, I said, hey, kid, you got it. And I know it. I've been in this business for 41 years, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember that show too, is like, I didn't even know like what it was supposed to be, like, where it was at or anything. So I show up and I thought, oh, this would be like at a comedy club, you know? And then there's like a thousand plus people there, man, in this giant theater. And I was like, oh, I should take this very seriously.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now, those shows, whenever you get, whenever you book one of those shows, your mind is always the same. Like the mind of the comedian. You go, what is this for? It's a Comedy benefit for Junior. For Robert Kennedy Jr. And you go, okay. And there's gonna be a lot of luminaries there and everything. And you go, okay, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'm gonna work on some jokes, some vaccine jokes. I wanna work on some Kennedy jokes or something. That's like six weeks out. @ some point you're just driving to the venue going, I'm just gonna do my shit, right? I'm not doing any fucking anything. You get further away, you are. That's how specific you get. You go, I'm gonna do about 20 minutes of fresh stuff on vaccines and Kennedys and all that. Maybe I got a Chappaquiddick joke I could work in somewhere. And at some point you make. You're on the way in and you go, are people swearing? And then they go, yeah, people are swearing. And are they just doing their stuff? I got a thing on McDonald's, but it's not really to do with him. And they're like, yeah, everyone's just doing their. And then you go, oh, fuck it. And it all goes out the window. All the ambition of all the new crafted jokes, tailor made for him and this crowd, all gone.

[Adam Carolla]

You ever do a joke and then it's like a newer one and it tanks? And then immediately you're like, oh, fuck that new shit. And then you go back into the old, like, immediately. Like back into the McDonald's.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, I got a John Wayne Bobbitt got his dick cut off, Ron. That. I'll go right into the second. They don't want to Hear any esoteric?

[Adam Carolla]

That's the old reliable. Yeah, old reliable Bill Hicks said that Never go astray. Too far from D. Joke Island.

[Dustin Ibarra]

This dick joke took place 32 years ago. Like, this is not only a dick joke. It happened in 1991. It's that old.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how powerful of a dick that guy. We're still talking about it. It's been years.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, I don't know where you. I don't know where you come down on it, but my thing is, like, I'm up front. I go, look, this story's 35 years old. I get it doesn't feel like fresh material, but I have an angle. I got a new fresh angle on it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's different.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's different.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Isn't that weird? No one else has gotten their dick chopped off since.

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, no, they have.

[Adam Carolla]

They have.

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, yeah. I'm up on all the dick news.

[Adam Carolla]

On the citizen app. Someone got their dick chopped off.

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, yeah. It's happening. One lady got creative and put it in the garbage disposal.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Breaking news.

[Unnamed Caller]

So many of.

[Adam Carolla]

Sucks.

[Unnamed Caller]

Terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

He got his dick attached. I'm attached.

[Unnamed Caller]

Another guy in Orange county also cut off a man's dick and tortured him in desert for a million. Dol exist.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gonna rot in prison. Goodbye.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, there's dick. Although I don't think you'd want that guy for a cellmate. Like, what happened?

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, yeah, he was my cellmate.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Cut a guy's dick off. Yeah.

[Unnamed Caller]

So that's the part that I left out. What, you cut his dick off for my cellmate?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, he was snoring. Whoa. I don't. I didn't need my CPAP machine, bro. I couldn't get it in here.

[Unnamed Caller]

A lot of sleepless nights.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you do get your dick chopped off, do you just transition into being a woman? Because at that point, you're halfway there, and it's kind of hip right now. Yeah, I think.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I think there's a certain freedom to having your dick cut off because you could.

[Adam Carolla]

Because at that point, you're like, all right, whatever. Sex change. How much does sex change cost? Like, probably like 10,000 bucks or something, right?

[Dustin Ibarra]

I got receipts in my glove box. I don't know offhand, but I can run after my car. No, no. Jay Moore. You know, Jay's a sponsor. Jay's a good dude. Jay said to me earlier, when I saw him earlier when we were doing Beat it out, he goes. I was thinking, oh, last time I saw Jay, Jay's Married to Jeannie Buss. She owns the Lakers, Part owner of the Lakers. Last time I talked to Jay, he said, lakers in five. Okay. Yeah, said Lakers in five. And then when I saw him at the game, that's the game the lakers won by 20 points. So he's feeling. Last time I saw him at the Lakers game, he's feeling pretty good about himself. They just won by 20 points. Lakers in five. Then I thought to myself, ooh, I'm going to see Jay. And I haven't seen Jay since the Lakers lost, you know, and have been eliminated from the playoffs. And Jay comes bouncing in, and I go, well, Jay seems like you're doing pretty good. And he goes, listen, Lakers lost. I don't have to think about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's behind me. I don't have to fucking sit and chew my nails and stare at the TV and have butterflies in my stomach and scream at the refs. It's done. It's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel that way.

[Dustin Ibarra]

If they. If you took my. You're like, where's this going? I'm going, it's a Lakers. They're out. You're out. You've been eliminated.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't. There's no.

[Dustin Ibarra]

There's a friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

There's a freedom to it. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

God. All the freedom, man. No more. You know that. That thing, the top of the toilet, the lid there.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes your dick touches it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have to deal with that anymore. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Done.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Exclusively in the shower now.

[Unnamed Caller]

What about your pee hole where you can just piss right into your face?

[Dustin Ibarra]

No, I think you go.

[Unnamed Caller]

It goes out.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Straight out.

[Adam Carolla]

Spread it like that.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Sorry.

[Unnamed Caller]

I was thinking logistically, but there were like.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Jay, look, you want the Lakers to go all the way. Yeah. But the sense of relief in Jay's face. I realize that losing sometimes is winning. He can. He can now enjoy the playoffs. He couldn't enjoy the playoffs more. He can now enjoy the playoffs. And I feel the same way if you took my dick without the dick. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And we're gonna join the rest of.

[Adam Carolla]

My life, no dicks. Let's go to CVS minute clinic after this. You can get that taken care of.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Dr. Drew probably knows somebody. Yeah. So anyway, I had a whole. A whole run. But it's so funny. You realize you're losing the crowd. Your shit's a little esoteric. They're not picking up what you're putting down, and you go, right for the cock.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, fuck, yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Go right to the dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Always works. Always works.

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost like if you open with that too, it's a little too much. You gotta save that for the. For whenever you feel it. Like, okay, they're kind of going down.

[Unnamed Caller]

Quick, big joke in your back pocket.

[Adam Carolla]

There it is.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Boom. Yeah, it's kind of our sort of white guy version, straight white guy version of ladies going, are we dating? Who's dating out there? Like, it's. You can always go to it. It's easy. It'll work. It'll get a laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Do you have a dick run?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I got a bro. I got so many dick jokes, it's insane.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'll try to. I'll have shows where I have to be clean. I go up at Comedy Magic Club a lot and sometimes I'll be like, oh, this is charity. You got to be clean. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. And then. But still in my brain while I'm on stage and something goes south, I'll go to the dick joke and then I'll be like, oh, that's gone. So then I gotta find another joke. And I have an edgy. I have a clean joke too. That's like a dick joke. It's just right there where it's enough subtlety that I can, like, get a.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Get.

[Adam Carolla]

Get away with it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You could do it on late night tv.

[Adam Carolla]

I can, yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. The late night tv, too, is, like, pretty wild. Cause you gotta be completely, like, squeaky clean. And you can't even say any. Like, I remember I had a McDonald's joke where you can't say McDonald's, so you gotta say nuggets or like. Yeah, I was at this fast food place the other day. I heard there was this one comic who dropped an F bomb on the Tonight show and they aired it, but they bleeped it. But, you know, he never got brought.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Back, so they don't. Well, I did two dry bar specials.

[Adam Carolla]

You were squeaky clean though, right?

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's. I would put the word squeak in front of clean for that late night. At least you can talk about making love to your lady or something like that. Having a few beers or like some version of a joke that has to be toned down or modified. But thematically you could do it, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

But dry bar, you have to. You can't even talk about, like, the.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Whole John Wayne Bobbitt run that's gonna happen. Gone.

[Adam Carolla]

That's 20 minutes off the set.

[Dustin Ibarra]

My whole cock sniffing dog theory is how they fell, Doc. That's out the fucking window. It's all gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do you find it harder to write clean?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, yeah, Writing clean is. Is harder. It's. It's like saying it's harder to. To play football on a football field than it would be just an open field where you could just keep running. You know what I mean? Like, there's boundaries, there's rules. You know, like, you're contained. You know what I mean? You would never be on fifth down or anything. It's like stand up is like a football field with no sidelines and fifth down. Whatever. Whatever you can get away with.

[Unnamed Caller]

Boxing with just a jab.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Boxing with.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, every now and then they're like, oh, you know what? Here's some rules for this. This game.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Like, yeah, yeah, it's. It's. It's more. It's. It. Ha. So I would. Here's what I. Here's what I would say about it. I would say that there is a discipline to it. But, like, within the discipline is freedom. It evokes the freedom. It's like when guys, you know, former, you know, Navy Seals, talk about getting up at 6 in the morning, going into the freezing ocean stuff, you go, that sounds horrible, man. And they go, but that's where freedom is, bro. That's the freedom. You fucking ripping bongloads and eating jack in the box. That's not freedom. You think it's freedom? That's the opposite. Like, going deep. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you can do anything now. I can go, yeah, I got.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, you get the freedom is the discipline. Like, if you can really discipline yourself to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

My mind always goes to the dick joke, though, man. I know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Cause it's there and it's so easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that'd be a perfect innuendo.

[Unnamed Caller]

Undisciplined dick jokes. It's epidemic.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Here's a concept that would get me to a dick joke. Like, if I was trying this out on.

[Unnamed Caller]

All right, all right, we're listening.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I hate the fact that. That all keys work halfway.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's a. That goes right into it, slide right in.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And like, I was here. I got locked out the other day. The door. Fuck. I went out the door, shut the door latched. I was like. I got this mysterious key bundle in the console. My car, and I wouldn't get it had like 11 keys on it. It's like one of them's the key to this. And the first one I put in just slid right in. Just popped. And I was like, oh, God, I got the key. Turn It. Nothing. Nothing. I'm like, fuck. Get the next key. Drops right in. I'm like, okay, here we go. Peter. Nothing. And I'm like, I was disappointed times 11. And I was like, it just shouldn't. I don't want the hope. I don't want it to drop in at all. I wanted to try to get in and go, nah, not next game.

[Unnamed Caller]

You want a different shape, everyone. A different metal shape. Like the Legend of Zelda something.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It just. It drops in so effortlessly that I'm like, oh, here we go. And it just clunk it. They shouldn't work at all. It's. What I'm saying is, is it either drops in and works or it doesn't drop in at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't give me the hope, but yeah. Where are you heading with that? Well.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Where I'm hoping is, you know, John Wayne Bob. It dropped, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's like you break off a key in the rock and it is.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's sort of like when they do the special thing and the chick goes to you like, oh, well, we have a grouper and it's flown in every. And they do a lemon caper butter sauce. And you go, oh, it's on the special. I didn't see it on the menu, but that sounds awesome. I'll try that. And then she leaves and she comes back five minutes later and go, we're out of the group. And you're like, oh, I was there. I was. You got. You brought me there. Then you said no at the end. And why do you even give me hope? Yeah, feel. I feel the key dropping in is like the chick at dinner going, you're gonna get the best job you ever had in your life. At Best blow job you've ever had. And at some point, cut to you holding her hair while she's throwing up into the toilet in the hotel room. It's not. It's so much promise, so much potential. Not there, but right back to the dicks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because now I'm picturing the balls. They're like that part over here that just stops it from going in.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No, what I'm saying is, for me, the key shouldn't fit premise. I'd go, I'm gonna try this up on stage. And then I would get about three minutes in and just be looking at everyone's face going, what's he mean? And then I'd go, how about John Wayne Bobbitt? And then I'd go right to the dick jokes. This would be like an esoteric thought that I Put a key thought, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, because it does happen. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I sat there times. Well, by the time I got to the sixth key, I was dubious. But every fucking time, it just dropped right in. I was like, this is it. Here we go. Yeah. And it just bonk.

[Unnamed Caller]

I'd like to see the back to back to back tight shot of that of your face slowly becoming angrier and angrier and then resigning yourself to the victimhood of not having the key and just keep going about your day with the flashlight.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Can't throw away the keys either. I got a whole key ring of keys I don't even know. Nobody throws away keys. But I don't know what to do with. They don't fit anything. They just sit.

[Adam Carolla]

Put them under your pillow at night.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Hanging on it. You hang on to hope.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Maybe one day I'll find out what.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It'S like if your kid gets abducted and you never hear back. You know, like a year later, they still may be living in the wilderness.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't touch their room. You don't. Don't take down the posters. They'll be back.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yes. Leave the Elmo bedspread alone. I made him younger. I made him young. You had him in their teens.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, the key, though. Because you don't want to.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Hey.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you know that, like, you'll be. At one point in your life, you'll be running from someone with a ax, and then you'll come to a lock, and you're like, oh. And then that's the key. That was the key that you threw away.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now, in my world, the key drops right in and I go, yeah. And then I turn around you, and.

[Unnamed Caller]

Next thing you know, Jack Nicholson gets through the door.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now, here's another subject. I'm a very bad speller, and there's a lot of shame attached to my bad spelling. Yeah, I have shame. And my spelling is so bad that when I type in stuff, when I try to tweet stuff, sometimes it doesn't give me a suggestion.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's that bad. It's just like it doesn't even know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You know what I mean? Like, we got nothing. You're so dumb. We can't even know where you're trying to go.

[Adam Carolla]

We're a computer and we do not.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But then there are other ones that are not fair. Like, Twitter is really weird and unfair. So somebody in the shaming spelling department, some. Somebody tweeted, best name for a band. And I had to reply the Swinging Medallions, which is a 60s band. Double Shot of my baby's love. I always love the name for a band, the Swinging Medallions.

[Unnamed Caller]

All right?

[Dustin Ibarra]

And I wrote back, swinging Medallions. And then it was like, medallion, question mark. You know what I mean? It was like red underline, like misspelled medallion. So I was like, medallion, Medallion, Medallion. Medallion. M A D. Oh, M A D. Now, like, now I don't say meda. I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

Medallion.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Medallion, Medela. That's ma, Right? That's our favorite bit. So I'm sitting there fucking 20 minutes into trying to do medallion. You know, at a certain point, I figure out the med part. So I'm like, m, E D A medallion. L, I, O, N. Medallion. And it's like, nope. And I'm like, but no suggestions. There's no. Like, did you want to use. Did you mean this? I'm like, no, you're so fucking far off. There's no suggestion. And I'm like, after my 18th attempt, I'm like, run at medallion. I was like, how far off can I be from medallion? It's M E D A L, I, O N medallion. And then at some point, I have to do that. All right, Now I gotta go to Google and I gotta Google in.

[Adam Carolla]

You just changed the tweet. Rush.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Red Hot Chili. Oh, no. I probably couldn't pull that off.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a tough one.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So I go back and I go like, six, each pan, swinging medallion. And it's like, medallion. And I'm like, oh, I was one L off. Like, come on. Yeah, give me fucking medallion. I was one L off of medallion. It's not like I fucked screwed the pooch. That I did. M E, D, a L, I, O, n. Medallion. That's how I would say medallion. But either way, all right, I'm short and L. You can't spot me an L. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You didn't know where I was going with medallion. Like you. They just go. Now we got. We have. We're out of suggestions. One letter, by the way. One letter. And it was the same letter. It's one short.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be trying to teach you, you know, like a discipline.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's like my stepdad.

[Adam Carolla]

It to him.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Let him spend the night in prison. He'll learn. You stay in that drunk tank, he'll learn not to drive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was just tough love. Yeah.

[Unnamed Caller]

Shameful silence. Yeah. Just ashamed of you with the red line.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The other thing I was thinking about is I was watching on I love a doc and I love a doc on a band. Someone should do the Swinging Medallions. But the band was abba. And I just love all the trials and the tribulations of all bands all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are great.

[Dustin Ibarra]

They're always great. And ABBA lived in Sweden and ABBA starts selling out stadiums in Australia and all over the world and everything. They don't pop. They don't really hit in the United States. ABBA's weird in that ABBA in real time never really landed in the United States. Later on, Dancing Queen and all the movies and all the song that's now part of the soundtrack of your Life, but that's 30 years on.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Didn't have.

[Adam Carolla]

They were already a big deal over there.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, they only were around from like 74 to like 81 or something like that.

[Unnamed Caller]

Did they learn they win the European Song Contest?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, they won. They won the Euro song competition, which was a big deal.

[Adam Carolla]

They love that with water.

[Unnamed Caller]

Every country I've been to over there has, like, they stop things for this one show.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, they love it. Yeah. Wow. So they. They won. And then they, you know, the culture didn't appreciate. You know, we looked at them as bubblegum music when we were doing, you know, real music or punk music or whatever. Look themselves. But anyway, the thing that was crazy about it is they never left Sweden, but they were making money hand over fist selling all these stadiums and stuff. And for the upper tier of taxpayers in Sweden at the time, 85% tax rate. Oh, wow, could you imagine that 85% tax rate for the fucking workers. I mean, the people that were crushing it.

[Adam Carolla]

85 at what?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Somebody. You don't stop at 70%, you just blow right on through to 85.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm trying to, like, you.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Keep 15% in the government.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now the difference between. I realized as they were going through Stockholm and everything, B roll. The difference at least between Sweden and Stockholm and like LA is at least you get something for your 85%. Like, shit was clean, orderly. And look, the trains were running like it wasn't homeless guys fuck shitting in the street ever. Like, at least Stockholm and Sweden was like, all right, we're taking all your money, but you'll get a good dentist for free here. We'll take all your money. You get jacked, right? But at least they got some. But I was thinking like 85% now they're lower. Now they came to their senses. But what I'm saying is that's a big fucking ask.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's like, what's the point?

[Dustin Ibarra]

And also, it's like you have the greatest accountant in the world. He's got you down to 79.

[Adam Carolla]

We pulled the line, we wrote off.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Everything, we made the Volvo company car and we got you at 79%. So let's celebrate. Yeah, 85. That's why all the bands, you know, Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin, shit, they all left England and stuff. Like all the. When they got. The tax rate just went. People just left. They're going like, we're not going to fucking give you three quarters of our money. We're leaving.

[Adam Carolla]

We're like their Texas, you know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Abba once rejected a 1 billion offer to reunite, turning down British American consortiums bid to come back. Oh wow. They all, they were married, they loved each other and then they hated each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at them.

[Unnamed Caller]

They're all married together like a quintuplet.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, they're originally from Salt Lake City.

[Adam Carolla]

That looks like very like Manson Family type of shit right there.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, the guys wrote the music and the guys played the instruments and the women sung. They were great.

[Adam Carolla]

They definitely swapped spouses. You can tell.

[Unnamed Caller]

I mean it was the 70s.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, yeah. They're now doing like an avatar Abba.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the new Abba.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, that's the new world order.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean? Avatar ABBA went through it with Kiss.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I think I talked to Gene Simmons about this. Now here's the new world. Here's where we're living. We're living in a world where people want to see ABBA in concert for perpetuity, but the real ABBA is in their 70s and they don't want to fucking tour anymore. So we'll do an Avatar ABBA and you can stay home in Stockholm and hammer checks because they're just clearing all the music and doing all the production and it's now not even you anymore, you know, and then it kind of.

[Unnamed Caller]

Well, you're going to hate my new idea about the animatronic Adam Carolla. I mean, we're going to put him in the hall of Presidents.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We don't need me anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just roll them out on stand up shows at John Bobbitt.

[Dustin Ibarra]

What's up with the keys? Nothing. All right, let me shift to John Wayne Bobbitt.

[Adam Carolla]

Even the robots robot not planning out.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The robot needs punch up first key round. Oh, so they have the avatar. They're doing it already.

[Adam Carolla]

So those are the robots right there.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, it kind of. All right, so now it kind of begs the question of okay, you've seen abba, but you didn't really see abba, but you saw a Flawless abba.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But then it's kind of like. Well, there's certain. You know, there's celebrities I'd like to see a bootleg porn of, but it's not really them, but we can do one. And to me, I'm like, eh, but that's. That's not the same as the real Jennifer Aniston. You know what I mean?

[Unnamed Caller]

I want today's Britney Spears dance around in my kitchen. Oh, yeah, she does all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

It's possible.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Yeah. So they're holograms, I guess.

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, okay.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Holograms. Holograms.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I'm going to see. Well, I went and saw Grateful Dead a few weeks ago at the Sphere. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

How was that?

[Adam Carolla]

That was awesome.

[Dustin Ibarra]

How high were. Oh, no, you're sober.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I was sober.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

It was pretty wild.

[Unnamed Caller]

Everybody wigging out.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone was on acid and, like, and just tripping balls. And I got to that point where I was kind of like. I tried to act fucked up so I could, like, fit in.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

My mind, I was like, I'm gonna get something.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Were the visuals insane?

[Adam Carolla]

The visuals were amazing.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

They were awesome. Yeah, it was like being. They went like. It was a lot of DMT type of stuff and hallucinogenic.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Really? So they know their audience.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they definitely do. Older people. Yeah, people that are older people. And John Mayer was the frontman, you know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, right.

[Adam Carolla]

So it wasn't like. It wasn't like the original Grateful Dead, but it was like. I think there was a few members, a couple of dudes, but then John Mayer was singing everything.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So. But it wasn't like, you know, it wasn't like a hologram.

[Dustin Ibarra]

There are no more rules.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. I saw the Eagles there. I didn't want to because I hate the Eagles, but I saw the Eagles there. But I realized that is the least visual band in the world in terms of, like, you go see the Grateful Dead or Fish or whatever. Everyone's tripping. Eagles is like, like, yeah, they got the same place, but they're just showing, like, a wagon wheel and a sunset. I'm like, we don't need the Eagles. So I. I can picture what the desert looks like. You know what I mean? It was like, they didn't turn. The Eagles are the straightest band. I don't mean they didn't do drugs, but their music, like, got a peaceful, you know, singing about the desert and sunsets and wagon wheels and, like, Arizona. Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have liked to see the Eagles, actually. I liked a lot of the Eagles. I would have maybe rather seen the Eagles than the Grateful Dead, but I know that it wouldn't have been like, you know, people aren't tripping balls at a concert.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Did you, I guess everyone. When you were a kid, did you fuck around with lyrics making them blue and dirty and stuff?

[Adam Carolla]

Dude. Yeah, I still do that.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So, like, I don't know every song you bring up from the 70s. I got some weird thing that pops in my head. Standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona. Got such a fine Such a fine sight to see It's a girl, my Lord and I'm getting hoard I would sing when I was fucking nine. It was like, that's all I had.

[Adam Carolla]

I had one for Tom Petty. Free falling. Cause I'm blue. Blue balling. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's all I can do.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like as a kid, you're always, like, looking at different ways to change this to make it dirty.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jerky boys and stuff.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, it was the predecessor to the dick jokes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Like, it was a young dick joke. Mine. Working, working.

[Adam Carolla]

Back then, you lay a blueprint first.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the song was that.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, like the. I was just singing Billy Joel, and they're like, oh, she's always a woman to me. Oh, she shaves hair off herself. That's all.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a maniac, maniac.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All we had was up lyrics and turning them, though.

[Adam Carolla]

That's fun, man. Some people make fun of that in comedy, but I'm like, yeah, that makes me laugh, dude.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, we're all like little. Little weird owls. All right. Other things to think about.

[Adam Carolla]

See.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, speaking of music, you guys don't understand this, but I cannot escape this. I cannot escape the song Maneater. I hate Maneater. Always hated Maneater. I can't believe it's following me to the grave. But I never stop. It gets pumped. It always pops up somewhere. And I'm like, I want to avoid Maneater, but I cannot avoid Maneater. It just shows up somewhere, wherever I.

[Adam Carolla]

Am in your life. Like, it's just.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'll turn on the Sirius XM and put the 80s station on as a boom mid man eater. It's just. Man, it's the worst song ever. It won't go away. Fucking sucks, and it can't. I'm sitting here and I'm doing. I'm here over the weekend. I'm organizing back there, doing my chores. And I look at my phone. I'm looking at music on my phone. I don't know how to work my phone, but I hit the Music button. And it's like. Like different stations. And at some point it goes Steely Dan station. Then I go, well, I love Steely Dan. And I probably would vibe with whoever they pumped into the. You may know where this is going, but whoever. If it's goodbye Steely Dan, it's good by me. And I hit it and, you know, I hear a Steely Dan song, and then, you know, maybe I hear a John Hyatt song or a Grant Parker song or, like, somebody I like song. And then three songs in. Fucking Man Eater pops up. And I was like, like, okay. I never knew Donald Fagan and the folks from Steely Dan. They would never stop throwing up if they fucking found out that that was going on. That basically. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you do the same thing with that? Like, she's an ass eater.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That woman is wild. Yeah. I'm trying to think if I've ever. I've always. She only comes out at night. Yeah. Oh, okay. I'll try to think of my. I'll try to. Oh, oh, oh, okay. Okay. I remember on the job site, Rebel Yell, I turned it into the Homo Squeal. It's the homo Squeal. He wants more, more, more. He's got ass appeal. He wants more, more, more. I. I just converted every song into something gay. Rebel Yell was the Homer Squeal. Yeah.

[Unnamed Caller]

We got a record.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We didn't have stuff, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't have video games or goggles or any flat screens or anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Putting bad words in regular songs.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yes. So the question is, is, should you see the hologram of whomever? I mean, look, Kisses. Kiss is done touring or they got one more song, they got one more venue or whatever. Kiss is done. My kids never saw Kiss. Should they be able to see Kiss? And are they gonna even care?

[Adam Carolla]

Kiss is easy, though, too, because you could just get guys to dress up as them, you know?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, but it's not them.

[Dawson]

Think about the who. The who is on basically the 40th anniversary of their first farewell tour. They're doing their last farewell tour now.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Right.

[Dawson]

Would you pay to go see the who as holograms?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I would rather. I would rather see a cover band than a holograms. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I like cover band. I'm. I'm cool with a good cover band. Like, there's a lot of people, like, any, like, sound garden, you know, Chris Cornell's dead stone table pilot, Scott Weiland. I would rather see a cover band of. Of those dudes with Someone that sounds like them than I would or like someone fan. Like what Grateful Dead is doing by getting John Mayer like a legitimate person in there. I would rather see that than see like a Scott Weiland hologram, you know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I feel the same way with you. I'm with you on the COVID band. Cause I feel the same about like fat hookers. Like better blowjob.

[Adam Carolla]

Better blowjob, dude, you can hang out with a galitzer afterwards.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You want to be with the hot skinny chick. Bad blowjob. You know what I mean? The bands get tired. The actual bands get tired of their own hits and so they start going doing a reggae version of them. You know, you go see Sting and you hear a reggae version of Roxanne and it's just the whole song, like a reggae song and it's like, oh, he's bored. But the COVID band to the te. Oh, play note for note. So if you want to hear the hit, you like, you have a better chance of hearing it from the COVID band. Cuz they got to go cruise ships and they don't around.

[Adam Carolla]

They'Re like up. Like if a Pearl Jam cover band. That dude is Eddie Vedder. Like he's like climbing, right?

[Dustin Ibarra]

And Eddie Vedder, real Eddie Vedder's bored and fucking around with his own song that you don't appreciate because you want to hear even float like record album version of it, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So you're right with the COVID band.

[Adam Carolla]

Is the way that I would go.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right, I'm going to keep going here.

[Unnamed Caller]

His dick is made of concrete.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Do you guys feel I've been seeing. I don't know if it's just me and my Twitter feed, but. But it's nothing but women fighting. It's. It's all women, mostly black, but. But women just throwing down high school fights too. A lot of high school fights. But. But women, women fighting is up 271% from where it was 10 years ago. Like, it's all women. Just great for the sport. Great for the sport. But they are fighting non stop. And then I'm starting to realize they see young men would roughhouse. All mammals roughhouse. Young bucks and young cubs and young bears and young everything animals males roughhouse because you roughhouse because you sort of test limits. And also you have stop. You know, we wrestled and you go, I'm serious. You know, you're holding the kid in the headlock or like I'm hurt or whatever it is.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd stop. He's like, okay, I can take it that far.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We didn't really have a Geneva convention. Like, I remember when we were running around the Mulholland club at night when we were in high school and we were all naked and it was a night we broke in and my friend Tom at some point tried to put his foot, like on a lounge chair and it went through the spaghetti lounge and it hit the ground and he rolled his ankle and he fell on the ground. And we were chasing him. You know, we're trying to piss on him. And we stopped and Tom was writhing on the ground like, I broke my ankle. Like, I broke my ankle. And we all kind of like looked at each other and went. And he was like, seriously, Seriously, I broke my ankle. Seriously fucked up. And we were like, we gotta pee on you anyway. Rules are rules. We don't want word getting out. Other people are gonna think they can fake an injury. We just pissed on him anyway. But most people would stop because, like, it's a serious. Now it's turned serious. Women never learn the boundaries. They just fucking. And so now they're 35 and they're in the airport. They're just swinging like wildly on chicks. Like, guys have a sense if you do martial arts and shit like that, sports, like, you learn what you can do, where the boundaries are, where the limits are. You do a lot of rolling, a lot of sparring, a lot.

[Unnamed Caller]

Last summer I taught like a group of Armenian girls, about 12, 13, to be jujitsu machines in summertime. They just had a summer vacation to learn. I just took them through. They went from gangly, whacking all around. It was a great commitment by me as a coach to like focus them in. And by the end, they all could snap somebody down, spin around their back and choke them out with a rear naked choke.

[Adam Carolla]

God, that's crazy, man.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah. So it can be learned and you.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Think about it, but it's not taught to women traditionally. I realize they do. They just get. Someone says their out a dipping sauce for your nuggets. They just start charging forward like throwing haymakers, which I would never do, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

And also I think, is this like the first generation kind of where it's like this time in history, did women fight before this?

[Dustin Ibarra]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever in human history.

[Unnamed Caller]

Different society.

[Adam Carolla]

Women fight.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Like in the 50s they didn't fight. They weren't fighting in the 1800s or anything.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In the medieval times, no fighting.

[Unnamed Caller]

Definitely more aggressive culture nowadays.

[Adam Carolla]

Women fighting now.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, I'm trying to another joke which will get me to the dick jokes in a second. It's another Concept, which is women. I think we always knew women were fucking nuts because we did a lot of like, that's not very ladylike. You gotta act like a little lady. That's not very ladylike. Like, we're constantly saying this bitch is nuts. And if we leave them alone, they'll fucking start beating on each other. So we actually invented something called the corset. Like when you put around. You can't fight in a corset because you can't get a. You can't get a breath of air. Like you're out of breath just walking.

[Adam Carolla]

To the front door.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We took whale bone. Like, mammy sits that up.

[Adam Carolla]

Contain them.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We put them in outfits that are. You cannot fight in, like these high heel boots laced all the way up in a corset. There's no fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Put them in biscuit cans.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Right now they're all in sweatpants and flip flops and they're just throwing down.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I don't. You love a women fight whenever. So. Because women always get naked during the fight.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Somehow it happens. A titty pops out.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's like, oh, okay. This fight just got. There's always some dude trying to break them up.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But he's not really trying. Come on, Everybody's got it.

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, I've been a bouncer before, but.

[Adam Carolla]

You let him go.

[Unnamed Caller]

You let him work it out. Let him work it out in the bushes. You don't want to get scratched. Until they wear themselves out and then yank them apart.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of women. I'm convinced that the hair extensions for the black chicks is just a breakaway tail like a lizard. That's how they get away. It's a strategy more than it is a look. It's more strategy than look.

[Adam Carolla]

That's evolution right there. Wow. Boom. Like the iguana. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Break away.

[Adam Carolla]

Smart man.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's a good way to escape. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Where the hell. So women are fighting. Women are fighting and they don't have boundaries. And we're going fucking nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They'll take it to the extreme.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's crazy. And there's something about the airport that's bringing it out on them. I don't know. But every.

[Adam Carolla]

The airport and running out of things.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Running out of food.

[Adam Carolla]

Sauce. Yeah, yeah. Things like that. Condiments, you know, I don't.

[Dustin Ibarra]

First things first. The person behind the counter, wherever you may be, whatever the fast food is, you don't need to bring any more pain to their life. Do you know what I mean? They're getting minimum wage. They're working the overnight at the Arby's. Like, they do you need to bring more pain or heartache to the mother three over here who's just fucking. Just grizzled and doing her best.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

They're trying to get by. They don't own the fucking restaurant like you want. There's some white dude who owns 26 Arby's. Your beef is with him, pardon the pun. It's not the mother behind the counter. The poor put upon lady now getting minimum wage. You know, like.

[Adam Carolla]

But I also love when the fast food employee fights back.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Me too.

[Unnamed Caller]

I love a big black girl who just puts her chin up and there's one, two white.

[Adam Carolla]

Boom. Because you don't. You feel like there's this, like, thing. Like, it's almost like they like, oh, no, they're police. Like, they can't.

[Unnamed Caller]

Do you root for the home team because you know that they're not in their uniform throwing punches unless something really went wrong. They didn't jump over the counter at them.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Jumping over the counter is such a weird thing, man. Because I used to work fast food. That never happened to me. If someone jumped over the counter, dude, I wouldn't know what to do, man.

[Unnamed Caller]

Cages in front of you.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Work your work.

[Adam Carolla]

I worked at Dairy Queen. Oh, wow.

[Unnamed Caller]

Well, nobody's bad at Dairy Queen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Dairy Queen's a happy place. No one's ever.

[Unnamed Caller]

That fits how you got into stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Dairy Queen.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I worked there for, like, three days. I got fired.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I was. I was in high school. I didn't know what I was doing.

[Dustin Ibarra]

What was the beef with you at Dirt?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, my thing was, what was the rap here was what it was, was I. Okay, so I'm from Texas, and everyone who worked at the Dairy Queen, like, in the back, was Mexican. And like I said before, I'm like half Mexican, but they were, like, super Mexican. So they just. They did circles around me. The work department, there's no competing, dude. They were kicking ass. And the owner could see and he's like, this isn't gonna work out, man.

[Unnamed Caller]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

He just saw my last name was like, okay, I'm in Mexican. Let's get him. Then he's like, I don't know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, yeah. Mexicans can work.

[Adam Carolla]

Mexicans can work, dude.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Especially sort of thankless, repetitive, meaningless jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking amazing, man. Yeah. They're hardcore workers. So whenever you take one of those dudes and put them with a dude like me.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, oh, bro, this, you know, keep it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, I mean, that's why they kick ass at all the cinder block work. Because like when you drive along the freeway and you see an endless row of 12 foot high cinder block, they're all 9 inches by 14 inches, all placed by hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So basically there's a dude's job. It's like, well, you start on the 101 freeway in Calabasas and you just fucking stack these blocks until we get to LA. And every day you move 17ft further. And those fucking guys can just sit there and do that.

[Adam Carolla]

God, imagine their core strength, white people.

[Dustin Ibarra]

White people are like, I'll say to any white woman I've ever been with, I'll go, like, maybe we should go out and get some Chinese food tonight. And they go, well, I had Chinese three days ago. Okay, wow. No tolerance for any kind of disruption or anything. Like, all right, you ain't fucking Chinese. Mexican. They'll eat beans, tortilla rice, beef, every meal for the rest of their life. They don't. It's the same mindset that says, I can't. I'm not going for Thai food because I went to Thai food two days ago. That same brain that needs the food, you sit there, it would be torture for you just to stack that block.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Over and over, never ending. As far the earth starts curving, you're still stacking blocks, right? All Mexican.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Because white dudes start going out of their fucking mind.

[Adam Carolla]

Three generations just. Yeah, my grandpa, he started back there. And now we're here to the 405, right?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, that's right. My grandfather died at the 10145 exchange.

[Unnamed Caller]

A lot of my uncles would be very angry at you for saying that because I got masonry in my family and they just stack bricks all day.

[Adam Carolla]

Masonry.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, yeah, I know they do.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's donkey work. It's pointless, mindless for the kids. That's why they're home of the donkey. That's where they come from. The butt on. Yeah. So when you take that mind, you take that mind and you go, you're just gonna stand behind this grill or this hot griddle like I did at McDonald's. You're just gonna endlessly stack burgers and hit the thing and sear the burger and then pull the burger. It's like endless. Endless. Just the same thing. Now I'm going out of my mind, right? Because I'm a comedic genius, but I don't know, it shouldn't be doing this. And I'm looking around, going why isn't everyone miserable? And they're like, we're working. No, you're not. You're just doing. I sat in a ditch with these guys and dug ditches for nine hours a day. And I was like, why aren't you going out of your mind? You're sitting. Just sitting there for nine hours digging a ditch. It's not like they had earbuds or anything. No, there's no YouTube. There's no nothing. We didn't have a fucking radio.

[Unnamed Caller]

No radio with no radio.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, every once in a while there'd be a radio, but it was never my radio. Whoever's radio it is is in charge of the station.

[Adam Carolla]

Spanish music.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, I know, I know. It's all fucking accordion. It is that. Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know when one song ends and the other starts. It's just all the same song we.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Used to do on loveline. Me and Dr. Drew was. Would I. We'd play a game called Ranchero Accordion Countdown.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And I'd go, just pick a random Ranchero song and let's see how fast an accordion kicks in. And he'd be like, 2.2 seconds. And I'd be like, I'm going. I'm going below. I'm going. It kicks in at like 1 7. Like, just rando Ranchero, the fucking accordion. Just right in, right in at the top. And the guys can't fucking sing. And. Yeah, I used to, except I was never my radio, so I had to listen.

[Adam Carolla]

You had to? Yeah. You can't go change the station.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No, it's not your radio. You hope to get the white dudes. If you get the white dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, then you get some, like, class.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, you get classic rock, classic.

[Adam Carolla]

When I was a locksmith, classic rock was always the thing.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It was always. Because I would want to listen to some alt rock or something like, get the out of here, kid. Leonard Skynyrd. That's why I still love all those bands from just my locksmith days. Oh, really, Kansas? Yeah, dude.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was working with, like, this Vietnam vet and, like, just like, these older dudes. So I just.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I learned a lot about, like, in the locksmithing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, classic rock was just always playing, man. Classic rock is very, like, talk that.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Guy and see if they can invent a lock where the key didn't slide all the way effortlessly but then not work.

[Adam Carolla]

I wasn't a good talk to him about that.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, well. Well, I gotta tell you, religious rock and Christian rock or Christian music and religious Music has come a long way. It has. It was forced on me. I found myself not knowing. I was listening to a Christian station the other day, going, that sounds pretty good. That's come a long way. It used to. You were penalized. Like, you knew you were listening to some religious band. And I, when I worked doing closet installations with all the Mexican born again guys, we had to listen to Christian. Listen to Christian rock.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? If you had to, you're on a desert island. Christian rock or Spanish music?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, the Spanish music, it's so grating that you can't think. Like, I know. That's why that country has no air force. Like, you can't calculate. Like, if somebody said you, what's a 37 with that music playing? Yeah, I'm like, 3 times 7 of 29. I can't think. No, because I'm telling you, Germany is home of classical music. Thus you get Porsche and Audi and BMW. You see what I'm saying? There ain't none of that. Mexico. No one can think. You put the classical music on now. I'm gonna. I'm gonna design the Wankel engine.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or whatever, you know, Einstein, listen to Tahano equals MC Square Selena in the back up.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's so fucking annoying. I. You can't do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a tough kind of music.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All you can do is and drink. Yeah. That's all you can do to that music. That's the problem. That's. Someone's got to pump some classical in there, man. Get that. Get. Get that nation back on its feet. Yeah, I was. I've told this story before, but it's been a minute. I. When I was working with the Born Agains, I was getting so burnt out on the Christian rock, you know? But it was always their radio, and it's all you have. Like, I worked with a painter once. His name was Andy, and he was a Jehovah's Witness. And that's all we could do, is listen to fucking Christian rock.

[Adam Carolla]

I was raised Jehovah's Witnesses were with.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Andy, and it was just me and him in an office painting all fucking day, listening to stupid Christian rock. So like, I said to the guys, can we have a break here with the Christian rock? And they're like, well, we gotta listen to it. We can't listen to your music like the devil.

[Adam Carolla]

Antichrist, Devil cult.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I said, it's not all. Some of it's just songs, nice songs, you know, why don't we just put it on the classic rock station for a minute and just see if we can enjoy ourselves. And there they had a little. They convened, you know, I don't know, we gotta help. We just let him try 97 1. So they're like, all right, try it out. So it was a perfect song. It was Bob Seeger's Main street, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Came right on. I was like, it was dry bar clean. I was like, down on me. I didn't know they were coached up at church. Right. So I go, what's wrong with this? See, there's nothing wrong with this. Where there's little Bob Seegers talking about going down the main street until you.

[Unnamed Caller]

Sung the dick lyrics.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And she's like, they're like, song's about a guy picking up a prostitute. And I was like, no, it's just he's going down to Main street, enjoy himself. I was like, unlike all the others. She was so young and sweet. And I was like, oh, he's out whoring. He's out whoring on Main Street. And then I was like, that was the end of the classic rock for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Have to come up.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And how did they know the subtext of every lyric in that song? Because they studied it in their church.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, they probably played it backwards and everything. They know what, it went right back.

[Dustin Ibarra]

To the Christian rock station. I never said another word. I. I was defeated by Main Street. I was out of bullets. And no more arguments for those guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember I had a Metallica CD one time and my grandma threw it away. My mom, my grandma. Cuz it was like it had a serpent, a snake on it, but it was like, that's a serpent.

[Unnamed Caller]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know who else is a serpent? Satan. The devil. That's right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But there's also a serpent going up the cane in front of every medical building.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true too.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So you should have hit back with that.

[Adam Carolla]

I was a kid, I was like, you didn't know the cane topic?

[Dustin Ibarra]

You were a Jehovah's Witness?

[Adam Carolla]

I was. I was. Really? Jehovah's Witness for how long? Probably like, I started doing comedy. I kind of stopped going to church, bro.

[Unnamed Caller]

Did you get excommunicated?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I didn't.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I would have thought you'd be a better employee. As a Jehovah's Witness.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. No, I was. I don't know. I didn't. Jehovah's Witnesses are great employees, but I really was. Wasn't. Yeah, but I would knock on doors and stuff a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I would knock on doors.

[Unnamed Caller]

You Did a door knocking. We would want to talk to you about Jehovah's wedding.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't look like this back then.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Did you have the Watchtower? What do you.

[Adam Carolla]

I did, yeah. You know, you knock on the door, hey, want to talk about God and stuff.

[Unnamed Caller]

Wait, what was your script? Do you remember?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't even remember. It was a lot like, whatever's coming. Like, oh, hey, I notice this Easter is coming up. You know, it's a beautiful day. You know, Easter actually comes from pagan holiday, you know, you wouldn't start out with that. I'm trying to think of, like, what my pitch was, because I would always go out with someone else, and I was a little kid when I did this.

[Dustin Ibarra]

What was the batting average?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I was bad. I was bad.

[Unnamed Caller]

Slammed in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah, a few people. Yes. A lot of slam doors. A lot of like. I think that. I think it actually made me kind of resilient, you know, because you get rejected so many times, and then you come to Hollywood and you get rejected more, and it's like, okay, well, use every now and then. You get one, you know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Right. Yeah, no, it's good. I. Door to door. Weird, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was door, too. Anything is. Solar panels is like, oh, the other day someone knocked on my door and was like, hey, who's your. Who's your wireless service? And I'm like, whoa, dude, we still do this. Like, this is 2020.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I like the picture. They go, we're in the neighborhood.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, we're just in the neighborhood.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I wonder if it worked that way for the, like, fucking your girlfriend, you know, or just knock on door, like, the house is over. Banging my guma. Anyway, the lady of the house here.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think about solar energy?

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'm here anyway. Yeah, yeah, they're always. Now they're just there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're just there. And the dude told me, he was like, oh, I'll come. I'm like, yeah, I'm kind of. I'm busy, you know, I don't. And he's like, well, I'll come back later. And now I'm like, oh, fuck, now I got to tell him that I don't want it. So I'm like, you know what, man? I'm happy with my service. He's like. He's like, well, I can just come back anyway. And I'm like, but why? Like, there's no reason to now.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I think the last time I got scammed was when the black kid came over and was selling me subscriptions. To a magazine for his youth football league, you know, and I bought like three subscriptions and then fucking never met. He had no intention of fulfilling that commitment to this donkey. I couldn't tell the young black guys pee wee football.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't tell them no, dude. Yeah, that'll happen. Like kids will come up outside the mall and like, hey, this is to send our basketball team to the finals. I'm like, well, yeah, I'm not gonna look like an. Yeah, but I know the money's.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And by the way, you guys been deprived of basketball, I think you do just fine. Have you seen the playoffs? You represented just fine. There's two guys from Croatia. Other than that, it's pretty much you.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's crazy. I was in Vegas a few weeks ago and these little like it was like 2 in the morning and like an 11 and a 12 year old come on. And they try to sell me like Kit Kat bars.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, what's not to Vegas, bro?

[Adam Carolla]

There's no parents in sight either. And like me and the other people are looking at each other like, this is, this is weird, right? These kids are just out here selling like candy. Like it's sad.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The sad. So when I was young, I used to go to Tijuana.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Cause Tijuana was like that island that Pinocchio went to where he could have fun as a youth.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? The amazing soundtrack.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Tijuana was you wanna go to a strip bar, you know, but you're only 16. You wanna drink. But you're only 16. You wanna smoke a cigar and drink at a strip bar. Like you do whatever you want and we go there to do whatever we wanted. And the thing that was weird that you would notice is little kids selling Chiclets up and down the street, just selling candy. Everyone was on foot, was all kids. I mean, you'd see a five year old little girl, just Chiclet, Chicklet, just walking up and down and you went like. Like everyone's out on the street selling everything. And you're like, well this is up. You know, it's third world nation over there now. LA is just that. Oh bro, LA is just. Everyone's just hit the street and they're just selling flowers, ghetto dogs, Ducati, you know, whatever it was tequila shots, like whatever you need, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

The fruit guys always gets me. Yeah, was the dude like chopping up the fruit on the corner? It's like, man, I'm not gonna buy fruit from this. Like we that because you don't know. It's like, there's no, like. Like, food inspector. Yeah, there's no food inspectors come by and you're seeing them pop them out of the cooler and.

[Unnamed Caller]

Gotta trust his grimy hands, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Although sometimes when I was back in the locksmith days, there was a lady who would come by in the morning with breakfast tacos and tamales, and we bought him out of her trunk. And it was the best.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, yeah, there's been.

[Adam Carolla]

There was best.

[Unnamed Caller]

Trunk food is awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Trunk food.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Trunk tamales. Yeah. Don't get the ambrosia SAP salad. Yeah, but try the tamales. Tamales. A weird one, because there's certain food, like, we've signed off on. Like, if someone was selling shrimp cocktail from their trunk, you'd be like, get the out of here. But somehow that can sit in her apartment in Resita and just make tamale after tamale and just come out. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Trust her. For some reason, I said, no food inspection. No sticker on the.

[Unnamed Caller]

But it's in the husk.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And she got it on a. I think about that.

[Adam Carolla]

The husk.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I told Mike August once. Mike. I got an epic battle with Mike August. Flour tortilla versus corn tortilla. And I told him corn tortilla was much better than flour tortilla. You got to eat the corn tier. It's more authentic and whatever. And then he goes, I don't do corn. I don't like corn. Then I go, how about a tamale? Fuck it. Everyone loves a tamale. There's nothing better than tamales. He goes, I don't do tamales. Too much work grabbing a husk and lifting it and having everything fall onto your plate. That's too big a calorie burn.

[Adam Carolla]

Tamales are the easiest.

[Dustin Ibarra]

He tried to do this 20 minute speech on how much work it was to eat. I go, listen, I've eaten a thousand tamales. You grab the pointy end, you lift it up, and it fucking falls on the plate.

[Adam Carolla]

It's done.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I don't got that kind of time. You got time to eat a tamale. That's not your argument.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's a shit argument.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a shit argument. I brought tamales from El Paso one time. I was like, I'm gonna bring these because it's from this good place. I'm gonna take these in my freezer, freeze them, and I finished them, like on the plane. There was no plate, no utensils. Just straight up ate them out of the husk, man.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, yeah. Mainline and tamales on a southwest flight.

[Adam Carolla]

Spirit, bro. Spirit Come on, man.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Come to think of it, I don't really think there's anything better than a tamale. Like, you can go lateral, but I don't know, you're gonna do better.

[Adam Carolla]

I love tamale. Did you know there' people out there who've never had a tamale?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Mike August has never.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's a lot of work. It's a lot of work.

[Dustin Ibarra]

His. Pardon the pun. His plate is too full. Yeah. To ever eat a tamale. It's too busy. Too busy. By the way, I always want to say, Mike, who the are you talking to? You're talking to me like, you know I'm gonna destroy this point in 20 seconds. Right. Too much trouble to eat a to.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, sometimes it's hot. You can burn.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I don't trust people. Never eat a tamale.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's a lot out there. I talked to him. Northeast people. My fiance never had a tamale. I'm like, whoa, whoa. The wedding is off.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Who's gonna make tamales at Christmas time? Who's gonna sell tamales when you get canceled?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Dropping in, bombs up on stage. Someone's filming you, and now it's time to slide into tamale making mode.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, yep. Yeah. Tamales are a lot to make too. You gotta have a whole family. It can't just be one. You gotta have an entire.

[Dustin Ibarra]

If I made tamales, like, I do think about this sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you couldn't do it, Adam.

[Unnamed Caller]

If I take all week, If I.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Did make tamales, they'd be like. And someone's like, how much is a tamale? I'd be like, $1300. I had to go to the store. Then you get tamale malt corn mulch. Then I had to let it sit like it was a whole thing. I had to go online to figure out how to wrap the husk. Like, I wouldn't literally. Least all right, eleven hundred dollars a tamale, like, because I'm gonna break even. I'm a busy man. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I've made them one time, and I was like, God, I remember one time I was.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You made tamales, bro?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, because I thought it was a simple thing. And I just, like, I was really stoned. I smoked a blunt, and I'm like, man, I'm hungry. And I, like, saw a tamale on tv, and I was like, I want to make tamales. And it's a bro. It's like making tamales, like, an all day, like, six, seven hour thing. Thing. And I was just.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Were they beef or. They were Pork.

[Adam Carolla]

They were poor tamales. I made them and I, I like, you gotta steam them. And I steamed them and they came out like all soggy and but I had already invested like $50 and like all this time. So I just ate my little tamale mush. It was, oh, right.

[Dustin Ibarra]

At some point.

[Adam Carolla]

Making tamales. That's some, that's. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The sad part of making anything was at a certain point when you give up on the shape, you're like it's a bowl of tamales. You get a spoon out. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You start pushing it up.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

When you give up on the shape, whether it's pizza or tamales, you've lost, you've lost soup. But at a certain point, you come to you, you make the realization that all the. It's in the wrong shape. It's all in the same place.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So it's the same. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's gonna hit my liver the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Dustin Ibarra]

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[Adam Carolla]

It was weird. It was just like this. Just mushy. Just bowl of just tamale gruel. Yeah. I didn't want to throw it away, so I'm like, all right.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I like that you were inspired.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, dude, I was really high.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Like, I'm going to do everything. It's really like making your own dish when you make that move. I've done that with a big thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's first off, it'd be like you going, I'm gonna save money and build my own car. I don't think you're gonna save money. Yes, I am. I'm gonna cut out the middleman. I'm gonna cut out GM.

[Unnamed Caller]

I'm gonna build my own car.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's like, okay, $182 worth of tamale. You could have gone to the corner for $8 and got three.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, definitely. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Kukara a tamale. But you had to do it yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Car comes out, I'm still gonna drive it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

17 hours later and $186 worth of tamale ingredients, you've lost.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never attempted it again. I've never. That was a one and done situation. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Your lesson learned though, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Definite lesson learned. Just order some, cuz. Yeah. You're not gonna save money. Just go to the tamale lady. They're like $2.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, we got metal detector video.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. That's my new passion, man.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Is it Your new passion.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. I've been doing it every. Oh, when you were telling me about those houses.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Alone on the beach.

[Adam Carolla]

Alone on the beach.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, let me ask you a hypothetical. Yeah, bigger loser. Alone guy. Like a lone guy. Alone guy you don't want to sit next to on a cross country flight and coach.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Metal detector guy. Alone on the beach or in the yard, you know, the sand at the park or whatever that. Alone guy or recumbent bike? Alone guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Guy rides the bike where he's sitting down. Oh, guys are always alone. The poo is alone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

What Alone guy is a bigger loser.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The guy on the bike. Well, yeah, the guy that. Well, I'm going to say this because I. Metal detect.

[Unnamed Caller]

Well, I have a recumbent bike.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, metal detector guy, though, also picks up trash. You know, he's a service to.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You could tighten your foot on this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, bro. I pick up nails all the time. Really Rusty. Oh, bro, these beaches out here, dude, especially like Venice, man, I'll find, like hypodermic needles.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, dude.

[Unnamed Caller]

But I've met recumbent, my guy at Starbucks, and he is pedaling for a cause.

[Dustin Ibarra]

How about recumbent training? Serious.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, the guy that I met was training for some kind of cancer pedal, so you can't be mad at him.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Recumbent bike guy, metal detector guy, or tries to make his own tamale guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's the worst God I like. I'd like to see all three in an Avengers type of thing.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Man, eat a tamale on your. All right, let's. Let's see what beach you at.

[Adam Carolla]

This is. I was at Hermosa beach right here.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right. In the sand.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there any way that I could borrow you, pay you to. It's my granddad's World War II dog tag. Are you serious? It fell off the chain on a vibe. I feel like I'm on equestrian right now in a video game. Us trying to dig through the same shit's 82 years old. So hopefully on this chain.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Hold on. Pause for a second. I don't know gay slang, but what's going on here?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I'm about to go suck his dick.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Lifeguard tower number five.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so this is. I. I live stream my metal detecting on TikTok. I go out there every day. And this day, this dude just came up to me was like, hey, I lost my Grandpa's World War II dog tag. Can you help find it? And I'm like, okay, yeah, this is pretty fun. I got excited about it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

He's playing volleyball.

[Adam Carolla]

He's playing volleyball. Bunch of volleyballers out there in Hermosa.

[Unnamed Caller]

Guys in the Air Force, huh? Nothing.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

So hopefully on this chain. Okay, we're playing volleyball. It fell off. Pressure is on.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, they know that's me hat.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Diggy Smalls. My metal detector.

[Dustin Ibarra]

How deep does it go?

[Adam Carolla]

It goes pretty deep, bro.

[Dustin Ibarra]

What could you get? Could you get a nail that was a foot deep?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You found it.

[Adam Carolla]

I found it. Dude. You hear those cheers?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, that.

[Adam Carolla]

That hero applause.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, you're hugging it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Grandpa came back stateside, turned out to be a serial pedophile, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't know the rest of the story or. He was on. He was a World War II vet, but on the other side.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, he was fighting for the Nazis.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a swastika here, man?

[Dustin Ibarra]

He was part of the Hitler elite. Security.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

How much is that metal detector?

[Adam Carolla]

That one's like 650.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I put some money in. I've got, like, three right now.

[Dustin Ibarra]

They're paying for themselves, though. Finding other people's shit, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty much. I find a bunch of rings. And rings are good right now, too, because everyone in LA is on Ozempic, so they fucking slip off their fingers. So, jewelry.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So what's the most valuable thing?

[Adam Carolla]

The most valuable thing? A few weeks ago, I found a Tiffany's necklace. It was silver and it's, like, worth it. Look, I googled it. It's worth a couple of grand.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But you can find, like, crazier stuff, too.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Is there some sort of ethical duty if you find a keepsake or something to, like, put a sign or to put it out there?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I'm not gonna put a sign. But here's what. Here's what I'll do. If it's, like, super expensive, I'll put. I'll put something on, like, Facebook neighborhood.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You will?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just being like, hey, I found some jewelry. Let me know what it looks like. But then also the other day, I found a pand bracelet, and it was. It had the initials engraved on it. So I was like, I put that video up, and I'm like, hey, help me find this person. And they never came through. But I did my part, you know, And I'm not going.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You can do.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not, like, going to a pawn shop or anything.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, just collecting these. Yeah. Keep everything. Yeah. In case, you know, hits the fan. If metal goes up, wheels come off the wagon. Exactly.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Girlfriend doesn't know to make A tamale. And you bot him out, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so I'll go out there. I'll go out there like every day. Every day, Every day. And different beaches have different things too.

[Dustin Ibarra]

For how. Oh, what, what do you got?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, if you go to the. Okay, so Hermosa Beach, Manhattan beach, very conservative areas, rich sea areas you find really good. But then you go to, like, Venice Beach.

[Dustin Ibarra]

A lot of rings.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of rings. Yeah. Like, I recognize this. Lot of butt plugs. Insane amount of butt plugs. You know, like I said, I found the heroin, needles and stuff.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is pretty wild.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd be surprised how many are out there. People, like, on the beach, like in there, like, just barefoot. I'm always like, oh, that's kind of crazy.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's just the needles. You'll find like a ton of nails and staples and like. Yeah, just really sharp shit there. But the liberal beaches are cool because if you don't find anything, the government will send you some. Something that's for you, Adam.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I like it. Anyway, back to the John Wayne, Bob.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. So anyway, the dick falls off.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, that's in. You know, I was walking through the hills of Malibu yesterday, and as an ex construction guy, I stop and pick up nails and drywall screws in the street all the time and I chuck them. And whoever I'm walking with inevitably goes, what are you doing? It's disgusting. I go, I ran over so many of these fucking things. I got so many flat tires back in the day that I'm not going to leave this, like in the middle, middle of the road, you know. So I just chuck them, like into the weeds. But I get the. There's a part, like a fiduciary duty part. Like a nail.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You can't walk away from it. It has no value to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes I'll be like walking and I'll have. I'll find like a big ass piece of trash and I have to pick up it up just because, like, I'm also live streaming so people see it. Look like a good person. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.

[Unnamed Caller]

What's the biggest item that you found on this adventure?

[Adam Carolla]

Biggest, like metal item? Yeah, yeah. Probably like a boat hitch. Yeah. No, the biggest one, you know, on a jackhammer. That. That piece. The spike. Yeah, I found one of those.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I dug so deep.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

At first I was like, ah, it's a Viking sword. But then I was like, I don't think.

[Unnamed Caller]

Is that the golden. Like some kind of artifact?

[Adam Carolla]

The goal is just like well, first off, you're getting some steps. You're outside, you know, convening with nature.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

You look at.

[Unnamed Caller]

Better shape. I wouldn't have thought it from.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got a tan going. Yeah, very. You know, it helps social media because I'm doing the whole, like, tick tock thing.

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, great.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like a fun thing to do, you know, because whenever you find some cool shit, it's always like, oh, this is awesome.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You scoop it because most of the time it's trash or something.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But then when you find a ring, it's like, oh, this is really cool.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Do you have, like a civvy scooper thing? Like, what? Asians get deep fried shrimp out.

[Adam Carolla]

In the beginning, I didn't have a professional one, so I just was. I had a spaghetti calling, dude. And I would just be out there in the beach, just sifting. But now I got. I got all the good stuff now, you know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I got this metal detecting. People found me on, like, find these people that make scoops. CKG Scoops. And they sent me a free scoop, and I was like, nice guy.

[Unnamed Caller]

What does it say about me that I got.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Sorry. Imagine how disappointed it was. I'll tell you, I'm picturing them at CJ Scoops. Go. Yeah. We got a Hollywood celebrity. Who's it? Ben Affleck, you think? A little Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt? Is it Brad Pitt?

[Unnamed Caller]

It's Dustin Ybara.

[Adam Carolla]

You ever seen See the movie Hop Russell Brand? No, it's just take it down.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's right. Just manage expectations just a little bit. I didn't say big. I just said Hollywood celebrity.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I want to. I want. You live in Malibu, right?

[Dustin Ibarra]

I used to.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We're gonna need you out there, though, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm wondering because when we were talking earlier, you're talking about the houses and they're finding ashes and stuff. I wonder if they need, like a metal detector dude out there.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

To find their valuables and stuff.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, we'll talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Mayhem wanted to get something in. I was cutting him off, so go ahead. All right. I want to say a couple things.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'm doing a vlog where I go down there and talk to the people and blah, blah, blah. And I think I mentioned when we were with Jay Morse that there's a guy who. Going to get a cadaver dog and find. Find his grandpa's ashes amongst the ashes with a cadaver dog, which is kind of nuts. Think about that dog. But I was down there yesterday and I. They got these. The whole thing I was freaked out about is they. They've cleared everything. No, everything in front of me they cleared on the coastline, on the water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But I like half these houses are hanging off the side of a hill. How are they going to clean a side of a hill? And it's a side of a hill like you can't even walk down. You couldn't traverse it without a rope and a harness. And going down the side of this thing. I was there yesterday. I think I got some tape of it. I took a little tape it. They got long arm excavators right up to the edge of the road that go all the way down this, all the way down the property. 30ft down and pull the shit off and. But they have these things and you can see it in the tape.

[Unnamed Caller]

Wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

They have these things right up to the edge of the hill. And these things weigh tons and they vibrate a lot and shit. And I'd be scared that the thing was going to roll down the hill. Like the cement is compromised because it was on fire. And like you'd die if you just rolled in this big caterpillar excavator down the side, down the side of the hill. They pull up right up to the edge and some guy sits in that thing and cleans the side of this hill. But I was looking. I was driving down PCH and the first beachfront waterside lot came up for sale. I'd never seen a for sale sign on a lot. And this is a 6,000 square foot lot. Now the lot is 6,000 square feet, meaning 6,000 square foot is a small lot because there's many homes that are big. Many. I lived in a house that was 7,300 square feet, meaning my last house I lived in wouldn't have fit on this lot would have been bigger than the lot 63. I'll put it. It's sort of like everything's like 30, 30ft wide. It's nothing. These are miniature lots. This warehouse is 5,000 square feet. This is 6,300 square foot. They went. And it's just dirt. There's nothing there. They cleaned the fire off. They went. Six million bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit. So are you saying you want to go in on it with me and, like open a tamale factory?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Up enough ingots and enough cougarons and enough to blooms. We're gonna be in good shape.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. We're gonna be.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We're gonna be. We're gonna pay someone to make us tamales. How about that?

[Adam Carolla]

That would be amazing.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We'll have a dedicated tamale.

[Adam Carolla]

I love. Is that like how Snoop Dogg has the blood roller?

[Dustin Ibarra]

We'll travel with our tamale baker.

[Adam Carolla]

This is old Mexican lady.

[Dustin Ibarra]

She'll get stopped at every airport because there's a 22 pound sack of cornmeal. And they'll be like, what is this? Leave her alone. 3.5 ounces. That's the match.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I like that. And she's, like, super ugly, but we still make her wear lingerie while she makes it. Yeah, I like it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, we'll like.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We'll be like, marisol. That's her name. Marisol, you gotta check the cornmeal. How many times?

[Adam Carolla]

She's like, adios, meal.

[Dustin Ibarra]

How many times do I have to tell you? Check the cornmeal. It's over £50. You're not going to get you clear until you learn to check the corn meal, Marisol. I haven't. Yeah. And then at some point, I go, who's got the husk? That's my catchphrase, but I'm actually asking, who's got. You got the husk, Marisol. Marisol, it's right here. Oh, you got the husk. I got it. Okay. You don't need to check the husk. Keep that on you.

[Adam Carolla]

Turn that down, Marisol, please.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I can't concentrate here. You guys have no rocket. You have no space program because of this. I'm sorry, mister. Your name is Marisol. She's a dedicated tamale maker.

[Adam Carolla]

Definitely.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We put it in the rider.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You know, like, backstage at all the theaters we play and stuff. We need.

[Adam Carolla]

We need tamale.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We need, like, a hot plane.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We need measuring cups.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of masa. A lot of masa. Yeah, but the masa is just in a pile. It looks like a huge pile of coke, but no, that's masa. My friends come over, try to do bombs. Hey, come on. That's my masa, man.

[Unnamed Caller]

No green chilies.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Six million bucks for a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

That's pretty crazy.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's the size of a small lot. Smaller than the house you grew up in.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's, like, residential. Like, they got gonna. They can't put up a business there. Is it like. No.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No business? No. Here's how. So if people go and you can find it, I think Andrew, I can't remember the realtor, but it was like, if you Google in PCH, you know, lot for sale, and it's 6 million bucks. So people go, let me tell you two poppers, how Rich people get rich.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let me know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Not, you know, not rolling with Armo 13 year olds, not finding homos or dad's dog tags. That's not how you get rich. You understand?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Okay. I made 73 cents the other day.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Let me tell you how you get rich.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Dustin Ibarra]

You go, I'm gonna buy this lot. You know, they're asking 6 million billion. I'm getting it for 5 5, right? I'm going to get it for 5, 5. I'm gonna build a 2000 square foot custom home on this lot. The 2000 square foot home is gonna cost me maybe 1500 bucks a square foot. All in. It's gonna be 3 million bucks to build the home. I'm in 55 on the thing. I'm at 8 5. I'm listing it for 12. That's how rich people make money, okay? And at some point they'll get 11,5 for it and they'll pocket 3 million bucks. And that's how rich guys roll. Now, we don't do that because we don't know a human being who can put a down payment on a six million dollar loss and then get a loan, a construction loan. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I borrow $6 million? And then. Yeah, then I could just say set up what you just said.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Caller]

And then can I borrow 3 million from you? Because I'll build the house on the property and we'll sell it to you for 12 million.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's what the people, that's how they get rich.

[Adam Carolla]

That makes sense. Yeah. People would always tell me that you got to buy real estate. Yeah, hang on, I'll get to it a bit.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It takes them, you know, two years to do it or whatever. But they, they got 4 million bucks at the end of two years and then they do six of these at once, you know? Know. All right. Is that on, Did I make that up on Zillow or on whatever Red? Yeah, it's, it's PCH LOT for sale. Six million bucks. It's. It takes a second, but you'll see the lot. Like there's nothing. It's just sand. Yeah, like it's.

[Adam Carolla]

So do you ever see those like, lots that are in Malibu? Not Malibu. What's north of Malibu, like Topanga Canyon that are for sale in so stuff. But. And they're kind of cheap. But I don't know why they're so cheap. Like, I don't know if they can't have utilities there or something or it's just in like a shitty area. But I've Always looked at them and like, why aren't people buying these? Well, they're all in the woods and everything.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, well, the thing about. Are they on a hillside?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably because that's because it cost.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Cost a lot to do the. The hillside. All right, now find the one that's $6 million if you knock the price down. Well, you know this isn't the lot because this one's too 2.9. So that's our indicator that looks that it would not be this, but it's down for this because I, I looked, I looked at this one too. This one's in a less desirable part. But the, the answer will always be in the description part. The six that'll do that look like.

[Adam Carolla]

A great metal detecting beach.

[Unnamed Caller]

I know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh man, did you get a boner when you saw that?

[Adam Carolla]

It's so hard right now.

[Dustin Ibarra]

There's gonna be so much in the sand in front of those burnt out houses.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, are you allowed to go to the beach there?

[Dustin Ibarra]

I saw some people kind of walking around on the far end where it wasn't burnt out. So maybe be worth it. Maybe there's something there.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, check it out. Look at this beauty.

[Unnamed Caller]

Five.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Five.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right, now my one cost $6 million. So that's the one. You'll see. But it's just this. Another one. The one's five. Five. Now where is this one? One. It's a miniature little lot. I mean, you couldn't, you can't put a swimming pool there. You couldn't have a basketball hoop or anything like you could barely. There's barely enough room for anything. Where is this? Go to the top again. Let me just see where it's sitting. But you'll know it's the one I want because it'll be $6 million. This is one. It's a 7,400 square footer that's on PCH as well. But I don't know, I don't know where this one is exactly. But anyway, the point is these lots are going to start popping up for sale. For sale. But it's going to be a miniature little lot. And I mean, a power move, they wouldn't let you do it, but a power move would go Mel Gibson and just park a big trailer right on it. Oh yeah, buy it for 6 million bucks. Park your Windstream or Goldstream or Airstream.

[Adam Carolla]

Why wouldn't they let you do that?

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's the one that costs $6 million.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, look at that.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Wow. It's just a square that costs $6 million.

[Unnamed Caller]

Pretty majestic square though.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's next to the ocean, but it's just a small square for 6 million bucks. All right, we got news.

[Unnamed Caller]

We do.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We do. We'll take a break. We'll come back to the news right after this. Simply Safe. Well, you want to feel safe when you're at home. Times are tough out there. Traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in. And it could be too late by then. So Simplisafe is setting the new standard in home security. SimpliSafe two eyes in there. Simplisafe's active guard outdoor protection can help prevent break ins before they happen with AI powered cameras backed by live professional monitoring agents who monitor your property and detect suspicious activity. So they do it before they break in. Monitoring plans start affordably at around a buck a day. Just a buck a day. For peace of mind, we all use Simply Safe Safe. They've been sponsors for a million years and this stuff is modular. You can add on to it. You can pick it up and move. It's not all hardwired. It is simply safe. Am I right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

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[Dustin Ibarra]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Stream all the movies and shows you love for free on Pluto tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Say what now? Showtime?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That means drop drama is free. With heart wrenching stories from love and basketball power and greenleaf in this family we live by the spirit and laughter is free with gut busting comedies like Key and Peele, the neighborhood Everybody hates Chris and Boomerang Watch all the hits all for free from all your favorite devices.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, I love it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Some people won't go to In N Out Burger. Dude, that's crazy, man. Because they put a Bible verse on the bottom of their cup, Dude, I love in and out, though. They could put R. Kelly lyrics, I'd be like, hey, it's a good burger, man. They're like, you shouldn't eat there. The owner voted for Trump. I'm like, he could have voted for Hitler. Have you tried the animal fries?

[Dawson]

Dustin Ibarra is on the Adam Corolla show.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I do love it. I love when those people try. I love when they try to get a boycott against a Chick Fil A and do it. They can't. They can't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

And like, just any restaurant, like, I don't know where this food came. Like, like, you'll be going to some place. It's like, well, you know, the owner, he actually hates gay marriage. I don't care, dude. Right now. Yeah, well, look, it makes better food.

[Dustin Ibarra]

If you want to. If you want to. Yeah, it does. It makes better everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

If you want to, like, you know, distill everything down about what Volkswagen did during World War II or Krupp's Coffee makers. They made the ovens to put the Jews in. Like, all right, everyone's got a little history, you know. All right, what do you got?

[Unnamed Caller]

All right, we got some news. Donald Trump was gifted a $400 million jet from the Qatar royal family and now faces some backlash.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Here's the thing about.

[Adam Carolla]

Thing, man.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Here's the thing. The thing about luxury travel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You cannot. You can't say no to it. You can't like the flying. Like, remember, they're getting all up in AOC and Bernie Sanders, like, you guys are out there. Preach this. And you're flying private. Because nobody ever says no to private. Like, once. Once. There's something. The siren song of the private flight and the private plane is that you'll never say. That's why. No judgment. Anyone who flew on Epstein's plane, I'm like, fuck that.

[Unnamed Caller]

I'd be right.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'd still be in that plane.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'd be eating in that plane right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Southwest to Epstein Island.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I listen. I have hitched so many. So many miles on so many private jets. It's the Greatest, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I was one. I rode in one the first time two weeks ago.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was out to Vegas. Short flight, but it was really cool. Went to see the Grateful Dead. That was kind of the main reason I went was because they were like, hey, we have an extra seat on this private plane. Do you want to go? And I'm like, I've been in one. I want to.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The private plane owner is the same thing with the guy who owns in and out. Like, I'm sure he's a bad dude, but that's fucking verbal. I'm doing this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's the best, bro. You don't even have to go through security. You drive up to the plane and you get in, and I tried to act like it wasn't my first time. I was, like, asking for permission. Do you need me to put my seatbelt on?

[Unnamed Caller]

You squirted before you even got on board.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, dude. On the way there.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, normally the lithium batteries on the metal detector won't go through security, so Dustin as fuck, but this time, right on.

[Adam Carolla]

It is pretty cool, though, watching a metal detective detector go through another metal detect.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's like a Russian dog detector. Mind blowing. This is wild detecting. Who, bro? Oh, the greatest. I was playing Atlantic City a million years ago, and the greatest phone call I ever got was from Jay Leno. And he goes, yeah, I'm in Atlantic City, too. And I go, oh, where are you, Borana? I'm at the border. Want to catch a ride on the way home with me? I was like, what?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, oh, yes.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'm flying home that night. I'm like, flying home that night after the show from Atlantic Cities. Yeah, Catch a ride.

[Unnamed Caller]

I was like, oh, nice.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The greatest.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The Catch a Ride fly. No judgment. You can't turn your back on a plane.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not a free one.

[Unnamed Caller]

Well, Donald Trump isn't, I guess, $400 million Boeing 747 8, aka the world's biggest plane, could be Trump's new Air Force One for the rest of his term.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The Royal Family, like, the money comes from somewhere. You know, like, as a subject of the Royal Family, them handing out airplanes, wouldn't you kind of go, like, wait a minute.

[Unnamed Caller]

The big story here is that accepting foreign gifts like that is legally questionable. And, you know, people are firing at them for that. Also, Eric Trump recently completed a golf club deal in the country worth 5.5 billion. So that's where all the hub is going on. They're like, little taste. Wet your beak there, pal.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And we're sitting here making tamales.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Jesus Christ.

[Adam Carolla]

God. Imagine Mexico donated that plane. I don't think he would have accepted it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, they donated or as they call it, the iron bird. But yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Instead of like the oxygen masked pinatas falls out.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I did fly Aero Mexico to like Mexico once and I, and I, well, as we were taking off, you know, we do the steep climb up the unreinforced cockpit door, just swung open, started banging against the fucking shelf. And I was just watching this thing like a screen door and a tornado just banging.

[Unnamed Caller]

And I'm like, they have dice and rosaries.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And I was like, with it. I was like, we're taking off from lax. And they're like, yeah, but they're. That plane is a piece of Mexico, you know, it's a sovereign nation. And I'm like, oh, that's why the door went flying open.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's funny. And the white guys are the lights. They just have Virgin Mary candles.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's right. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I learned. All right, what else we got?

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, we also got wild. Cocaine conspiracy surrounds. European leaders traveling for Ukraine talks as a frustrated Macron speaks out, calls it fake news.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, really? Yeah, Fun one here.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right, so it's a crazy thing. Macron sits down.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, look at this, look at this. So a little bit of a swipe where he just low key grabbed this little baggie off the. Yeah. And Alex Jones kind of has stoked this conspiracy.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now, Dustin, is that called a bindle to you people?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, it's a little baggie. Probably paid like 80 bucks for it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And the other guy gets the coke spoon, right?

[Unnamed Caller]

Exactly, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's a coke spoon.

[Unnamed Caller]

That's what they're saying.

[Dustin Ibarra]

See, it looks like a little coke spoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we not. He could have been eating a tiny bowl of soup, you know, we don't know it's true.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But why cover. If you're eating a small bowl of soup, why would you hide the spoon? You know, when somebody showed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now look, here's the time we're living in now, right? If you were engaged and madly in love and you're about to get married, and then all of a sudden you saw some bootleg porn of your girlfriend on the Internet. We're now at the phase where she could claim that was AI. Yeah, right. So we've come into plausible deniability thing where you can blame AI right? Now there's. You gotta have. Now there's like they tried to do the Deep fake thing with Biden, but it didn't really work because we're just watching a footage of him bumbling and stumbling around. But also, if this is AI, Is it too subtle? Like, would it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's the. If it were AI, I think it's perfect because it is subtle. It's not like he went like, whoa, whoa.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So what is the this. I mean, is it coke? Is it speed? Is it heroin?

[Adam Carolla]

The way he moves, it does look like it's something nefarious, you know? And his face. Afterwards. Look at his face.

[Unnamed Caller]

Embarrass. His coke. Boogers were on that napkin right there, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

One time I was walking, I dropped some. I dropped some cocaine in public. I just scooped it back. Yeah, it's vitamin B12.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Did people see you drop cocaine?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Probably. I don't care.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Do you have a cocaine detector? You can find cocaine? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I would make so much more money.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No. Hey, my grandfather's a World War II vet, and he lost his cocaine. He had a vial of cocaine I used to wear around my neck. Can you buy it for me, bro?

[Adam Carolla]

Just pop up in the sand with Whitestone. I got it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So it's looking to me like they hide a spoon and a bale coke. Okay.

[Unnamed Caller]

It definitely looks like that. They say that that was a coffee stir. I'm sorry to rain on everyone's parade.

[Adam Carolla]

And that was creamer.

[Unnamed Caller]

That was just like a paper towel that they cooked up as a conspiracy. That. That was a bag of coke.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you like that if your leaders were. If you knew they could blow?

[Unnamed Caller]

If you're at war, I need you at function at high speed all the time. Like, really accurate. But I don't need you getting, like, too talky, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. The enemy can hear, like, dude, I've been working on the screenplay, man. Like, shut the fuck up.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I got a concept for reality show, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

He's right there.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, look, they would give. I think. I mean, first off, they would give, like, YouTube pilots that had to fly for 21 hours or something in spy planes. You'd give them speed, you know, that's like. That's fine. That's part. You got to do that medicinal speed. Yeah, there's an element of that. Yeah, he just looked like.

[Unnamed Caller]

It looks nefarious.

[Dustin Ibarra]

He looks guilty by hiding it.

[Adam Carolla]

He does look guilty.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's basically. It's like if your girl walks in the room and you take your phone and you shut it down real fast and shove it in your pocket, then she's gonna what are you doing with your phone? And you go, nothing. Well, it doesn't. I don't know that you're doing anything with your phone, but I walked in and saw you freak out with your.

[Adam Carolla]

Phone, so that's my favorite thing to do.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Why is that? Nothing. You do it every time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I'll be looking at nothing either, but I just want her to freak out.

[Unnamed Caller]

Well, I hope your marriage goes well.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. Yeah. That's why I didn't know. So they made the spy plane guys do speed?

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, yeah. I mean, the war. War is about, like. War is kind of drugs.

[Adam Carolla]

Having a good time with your buddies.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Breaking some rules, kind of of like F1 and that. They're trying to shave tents, you know, they're just looking for a little advantage, you know, in all different realms, you know, so. So if they can keep their guys up a little longer or focus a little more, you know, whatever that thing is, you know, so they'll not get a venereal disease, you know, like, stuff like that, it all.

[Adam Carolla]

It all makes sense.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Stealing the enemy's catalytic converter. That's right. That will help.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I mean, it's like, you know, the Vietnamese, you know that they went and beat us with punji sticks dipped in dew and stuff so people get infected and stuff like that. It's weird. Just little stuff, you know, old school, low tech, gorilla tech. It'll work. Yeah. The kamikaze pilots were given methamphetamine. Oh, yeah. I don't think that would help. I don't know what would help. But I'll tell you what wouldn't do it for me, the kamikaze pilots, it's like we're basically going to die. I mean, there wouldn't be. The success part is if they died on the deck of an aircraft carrier going 400 miles an hour. But they weren't coming back. You know what I mean? And they would always give them a little shot of ceremonial sake wine, you know, before they got in the plane. Like, I'd be like, give me the fucking bottle. I'm not doing an ounce of sake.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. I don't want to sober up.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I got a shot. Arizona warm white wine. I need the fucking bottle if you want me to do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, bust out the bag too, guys.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, get the bag and the bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

Call a guy. We're going on a kamikaze mission.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's right.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

They just do it. Do their sake shot.

[Adam Carolla]

I see that. Yeah. It is very, like, honorable they're honorable people.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. All right, what else we got?

[Unnamed Caller]

Next up, we got a Amazon driver scene pooping and peeing at a Los Angeles home at two different Los Angeles homes.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it a woman, too? Yeah, women are fighting. They're in public more. Yeah, it's a different time.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Decorum is gone. If they used a corset, they wouldn't be able to shit.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Busted.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right, let's. But let's. Let's see if we can break down the game film.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I like this.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I've been thinking about this as, you know. So I started. Now, she taking a dump or is she taking a piss?

[Unnamed Caller]

I believe this is a piss.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope that was a piss.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right. Okay. Piss is. That's fair. Piss is fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do we have to blur it? Come on. Yeah, we're all adults here.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Caller]

YouTube algorithm will kick us off.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Okay.

[Unnamed Caller]

Be a whole new different fetish.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Couple things when you. Oh, there's another footage of her.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, look, she had a bad day earlier that day. You know, she just didn't have time. Amazon's pushing her a little too hard. Duty there. Yeah. At the bottom of this rich guy's.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's got to be funny.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a duty.

[Unnamed Caller]

That's a dump, bro.

[Dustin Ibarra]

At some point, okay, the part of life I like is the realization part. Like, she's not. She doesn't know what's going on or that the Internet has caught up to her. And then at some point, her husband has to let go when she comes in and goes, you're all over the Internet. And then she goes, is it for the 5K breast cancer charity walk we did last weekend? No, this is different. This is you pissing and shitting everywhere. First off, people who have nice homes in Los Angeles have fucking cameras at every corner. There's nothing that can go on that's not going to be filmed. So, number one, get used to the concept of a ring doorbell and security camera everywhere. Number one one, this is on Amazon. And I will tell you why. I started walking around finding piss bottles everywhere. And I was like, what is going on with the piss bottle? Because a homeless guy just pisses in the Ivy. What's he got the piss bottle for? And then everyone is in these trucks all day, pulling 12 hour shifts, drinking a Big Gulp, driving all around everyone's neighborhood. And in Los Angeles, no gas station will let you use their bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

They won't.

[Dustin Ibarra]

They use there.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But it's. I gotta pee. And they're like, no, no, you cannot.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody gas no.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Just not. It's not for you. No, just. No, just pump, pump seven lamb.

[Adam Carolla]

He's gonna shit here.

[Dustin Ibarra]

What they this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

What this? No, you want. You want mar. Like they're steely scary foreign guys who fucking hate you.

[Adam Carolla]

They say it's out of order, you.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Know, and by the way, we're such animals that people, last guy went in there, just fucking trashed a place. There's nothing they don't give a fuck about you and your ass. You're not using the bathroom. That's la.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So there is signs everywhere that says, you know, bathroom for customers only. That's at the Starbucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Starbucks.

[Dustin Ibarra]

There is no bathrooms in LA because we've turned LA into fucking Sodom and Gomorrah. We're all fucking animals now. And there's so many homeless junkies wandering around everywhere that if I owned a business I'd be like, no using the bathroom because we have too many fucking homeless guys in there shooting up or whatever trash in the place. Like, I'm not, We're not doing. There is no bathroom. So you're driving a fucking van around the Big Gulp between your leg legs for a 12 hour shift. Where are you pissing? Well, you're pissing in the, the iced tea bottle that you put a Snapple bottle that you bought. Now you're driving around with a Snapple bottle of piss rolling around your cap.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not pour it out though, you know what I'm saying?

[Dustin Ibarra]

This is the animal. This is the animal.

[Adam Carolla]

Like why just like throw the piss bottles?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Because everyone's an animal. It's every man for themselves. Themselves. It's a trickle down, broken window approach to life, which is if I can't use the bathroom at the fucking gas station I just filled up in, then fuck y' all. You know, you piss in the Snapple bottle, you throw the Snapple bottle or.

[Adam Carolla]

Shit on the person.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Here's the new world order.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Trucks. We're gonna have to enact something. They got rules. They got nothing but rules. Every truck that has more than like 7,200 cubic feet of capacity or whatever driest neighborhood is gonna have to have a little electricity. Like a weird little camping bathroom.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yep.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You're gonna have to build it into the truck.

[Adam Carolla]

Now that would be interesting.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Because these people, everybody is ordering something from Amazon. These trucks are all over. They're hitting the streets 24 7. These guys are driving around. Ask me where the Amazon hub is. I don't know. I don't know. It's in Reseda. This guy's in. This guy's in Beverly Hills. He's not going back. Back to the pub. He can't use the corner gas station or the Starbucks. Where are we going? We're pissing in a tea bottle and.

[Unnamed Caller]

Chucking it in the ivy and we got a bottleneck.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't in a bottle, though. That's hard.

[Unnamed Caller]

I mean, you could try.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Women can't use the bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they have you. I've seen some videos online. Pull that one up. We watch.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Were you watching one when your girlfriend walked in? Where's my metal detector? I was just leaving.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, this is you. It's AI. I swear.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So, look, those big cube trucks are going to need some little camping version of a latrine.

[Adam Carolla]

We talked about this Home Depot bucket with a bag in it. A Home Depot bucket with an industrial, you know, not the regular trash bag that you put in your kitchen.

[Unnamed Caller]

Double thick.

[Adam Carolla]

The construction work.

[Unnamed Caller]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'm just saying, Amazon, this is on you. Because these delivery vans, there's no place in Los Angeles to use. Look, that's a chick. She would have preferred to walk into the corner store and go, may I use your bathroom? And they go, it's right there. And make a right. She would have loved to do that, but she can't because the homeless prom has banned everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So she's pissing on the pack patio. The difference between her and I is I would have pissed on the patio and then I would have found a hose and like, tried to hose it off or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have pissed away from houses, you know, that's what I would have tried to do.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But she needed to go down an alley or something.

[Unnamed Caller]

Was awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

I pissed. That's what I love about New York because you piss everywhere, you know, especially you're partying when you first get there. I was like 21. It's like up late. No one. Nothing's open. Everyone pissed is. The place smells like piss. But you know that you had something to do with it, too.

[Unnamed Caller]

You know, it wasn't rains in New York. In Hollywood, everyone pisses and it just.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now look, we're gonna need to sort of deal with reality on reality's terms, which is you got a homeless problem. Storekeepers are locking up their bathroom. You can't use them. We got tons of people walking around. We got van drivers, delivery drivers. We're gonna have to work out a system that addresses this.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, what about, like an ice cream truck, but of shitting. It's a truck that goes to the neighborhoods and it's just toilets inside.

[Dustin Ibarra]

The dookie wagon.

[Adam Carolla]

The dookie wagon.

[Unnamed Caller]

Chocolate truck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah. What can brown do for you? It's like a UPS thing, but then it plays, like, music and everyone knows, like, oh, I gotta take a shit. Do I hear that? Yeah, I think. I think that's the dookie wagon coming. So then you go to the dookie wagon, you do your thing, and then bam. Solve. No, in the streets instead. The dookie wagon comes by and everyone hops on. Well, it's like the soul.

[Unnamed Caller]

Does everybody pedal it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a great idea. Your is converted into energy that powers the $21 gigawatts.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Anything but this. Because it's just going to be more of this.

[Adam Carolla]

It is going to be a lot of.

[Dustin Ibarra]

There's going to be. No one gets to use the bathroom anymore because we essentially. We turned into such savages that we've eliminated the dignity of life. Like, you can't. I love a beer in a bottle. I love a cold bottle of beer, but I can get. But if you go to the Dodger game, it's in a Styrofoam cup.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Because we cannot trust the populace with a glass item that they could throw onto the field. So we did that to us. Like, we. We're such fucking animals that we can't use the bathroom and we can't have a beer in a bottle. We just. We can't. We're such. We're like. It's like LA is just turned into like a sanitarium where, like, take away the shoelaces. No metal fish forks. You know, someone's gonna make a shank out of it and stab somebody. Like, we have to have these rules. Like, it's a sanitarium and we're all gone insane. But that's who we are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And that goes back to the beginning of the show. They're gonna take away our dicks soon because we don't know what we've done with them. We're not responsible. They will take our dicks. Just like the toilets and just like the glass bottles.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You ever have more piss than a Snapple bottle can hold?

[Adam Carolla]

All the time. All the time, bro.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's a good.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I. The other day, I was pissing at a Big Gulp cup, man. Really? And I remember just thinking, like, why didn't I get the. Why did I spend the extra 25 cents to get the extra double Big Gulp? Because it is. It's not a bottle. That's a cup. So now it's like swinging and you're like, oh, my God, what do I do? And, yeah, a little gets on your hand.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Where were you that necessitated this?

[Adam Carolla]

I was at the beach. I was going to say, yeah, metal detecting, bruh.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, yeah, you're out in the sand anywhere near a toilet, bro?

[Adam Carolla]

The other day. Day I had to piss so bad, bro, and there was nothing around, and I had to go, like, so bad. So I started like. I look around and there are people there, but I'm like, I'm gonna piss myself. So I started digging a hole, you know? And I'm like, I bet you if I just lay down flat on my stomach and just lay there, I could piss in the hole, right? So I'm getting ready to, like, piss in the hole, and then this family shows up and I'm like, jesus, I can't piss in front of this family. So I just end up. I go back to my car and I find a fucking coffee.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So you dug a hole.

[Adam Carolla]

I dug a hole.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And you're just gonna go belly down?

[Adam Carolla]

That was my plan. If you picture. So picture someone on the beach right now laying flat on your belly. You don't know his dick is out that he's pissing, right?

[Dustin Ibarra]

We don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Now picture the other side. He's on his back.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Well, we know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's a fountain, but could he. Could you take a. In the hole without anyone knowing, Put.

[Unnamed Caller]

A towel around your shoulders.

[Adam Carolla]

Not squatting, Laying down flat.

[Dustin Ibarra]

No, I don't think I could do it laying down flat.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, I didn't either, bud.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't think so?

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, yeah, you need a little squat motion, you know, to get things going.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, man. If you could just. Just spread your legs like that and your legs.

[Unnamed Caller]

I've trained myself like Cirque du Soleil.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But the piss hole's good.

[Adam Carolla]

The pistol is pretty good.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Except for this. Find out was all over grandpa's dog tags. You know, the guy confronting him, what happened? Whoa. The desecration of his memory. He died in Normandy and this is the way you treat him?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so sorry. I had to piss so bad, dude.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Could you found another spot?

[Adam Carolla]

No, there was no dookie wagon around.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We're gonna have to address this like some politicians gonna have to go, there's piss bottles everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's gonna have. A famous politician is going to have to step in or shit their pants publicly. And then they're gonna be like, now we have a problem.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Now we have. Yeah, now someone's gonna make a move.

[Unnamed Caller]

Neighborhood chip wagon.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I'm Telling you, coming full circle. Private to Europe.

[Adam Carolla]

You flew private to Europe?

[Dustin Ibarra]

To Europe.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Mike August was on that plane. Bathroom in the front, bathroom in the back. When we got to Europe and we're cleaning our junk out, I found a bottle. No, I found a bottle in the armrest in the holder on a $50 million plant. So big, it had a front bathroom and a rear bathroom and a full bed in the back.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And I looked at it, and I was like, did Mike leave his Gatorade or something in there? And I sniffed.

[Unnamed Caller]

Smelled like Qatari Prince.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, my God. He pissed in a bottle on a private jet and then left at the Armor.

[Adam Carolla]

I asked him, why would you open?

[Dustin Ibarra]

Because I knew it.

[Adam Carolla]

Could I.

[Dustin Ibarra]

My spidey sense was tingling, you know? I was like, I don't remember Gatorade being served on this.

[Adam Carolla]

So dirty, so dark.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And I was like, oh, my God, it's piss. On a private jet with two first class, two bathrooms front and back. And I was like, I couldn't. I said, mike, what the. What are you doing? You're living a bottle of piss in here. He's like, well, the guy got us to fly was asleep in the back, and the stewardess, who was hot, was asleep in the front in front of the door. I want to wake her up. And it just shows. If she was a fat chick, he would have woke her up. But she was hot, you know, I didn't want to fucking wake her up.

[Unnamed Caller]

Pissed off.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to take a shit, lady.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then further in the back of the plane, we found a Home Depot bucket.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's right. With a bag in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Caller]

Goldstring shit wagon.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Private charter to Europe is 20-40k per hour per flight.

[Adam Carolla]

Hour. Wow.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We flew for, like, 10 hours.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's crazy, man. I know.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Mike. Piss in a bottle. And all the history. History of private flight. I don't think anyone's ever pissed in.

[Adam Carolla]

A bottle that feels like it could be a prison. I could see Trump on the new. He doesn't want to get up from the.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Remember in Crocodile Dundee when he checked into the Ritz Carlton in Manhattan and they walked in, he was sleeping on the floor. It's like, yeah, that's who that guy is. Keeping it real, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

As the president, man.

[Dustin Ibarra]

That's Mike August pissing in a bottle. That's my boy from Louisiana. He's keeping it real, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Are we out of stories?

[Unnamed Caller]

I mean, we have one more interesting tidbit that's a victim in A road rage shooting talks to his killer in court via AI.

[Adam Carolla]

This is wild. I saw this.

[Unnamed Caller]

I didn't see this. Yeah. Here's the AI version.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Forgiving the shooter, scripted by Stacy.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a shame we encountered each other that day.

[Dustin Ibarra]

In those circumstances, in another life, we probably could have been friends. I believe in forgiveness and in God who forgives. I always have and I still do.

[Unnamed Caller]

I love that AI. Thank you for that. The state asked for nine and a half years.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Wait a second.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be so pissed if that happened to me.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Wait, hold on. Stacy shot.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that was his. Okay, so someone shot him. That was his sister wrote the script, I think. Right.

[Unnamed Caller]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Oh, Stacy was the. Yeah, the AI programmer. Well, that's what the screen says.

[Adam Carolla]

That dude didn't say that. Basically, like, that was AI and someone wrote the script for him. I think it was a member of the family. And then they played it in court, so.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But how's that?

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be fucking weird.

[Unnamed Caller]

It'd be pretty weird. Well, here's the thing, is that's to the killer. So that guy has to go through his life sentence thinking about the guy forgiving him. It's very strange. From heaven, it looked like.

[Adam Carolla]

But how they should have made it from heaven.

[Dustin Ibarra]

They should have made a background.

[Adam Carolla]

Angels in the background.

[Dustin Ibarra]

But how does the family know he would have forgiven? I don't know.

[Unnamed Caller]

I know. That's the big question.

[Dustin Ibarra]

So they're just screwing around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah. Well, now we're getting back to the bindle of cocaine. Like, is that even there?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, man. So this I would have to.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Somebody shot him in a road rage situation. Yeah, and we did a lot of. We did road rage and road rage, like, we love alliteration.

[Adam Carolla]

Rage is clear.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's got to start with an R. Right? So he got shot in a road rage situation. He apologized, but AI was fed that information. Stacy was the AI program that rendered the video.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Unnamed Caller]

Would you rather have him berate the guy for all eternity on a loop?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that could work too. Hey, fuck face.

[Unnamed Caller]

Remember every day, stare him in the mirror. Yeah. Remember, you killed me.

[Adam Carolla]

You could have a little hologram, like with the ABBA technology.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Stop.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, cryogenically frozen. Just looking at holograms all day.

[Dustin Ibarra]

You're probably wondering why I'm dressed like Gene Simmons.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a mix.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, there's a little glitch completely. But anyway, I forgive you.

[Unnamed Caller]

Anyway, here's Dancing Queen.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Yeah, I don't know. Now I want to see it again because that that was. That was interesting. The judge liked it? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Loved it.

[Unnamed Caller]

I want to see the guy's face. You know what I mean? That did this road rage.

[Dustin Ibarra]

All right. It is a shame we encountered each other that day. In those circumstances, in another life, we probably could have been friends. I believe in forgiveness and in God who forgives. I always have, and I still do.

[Unnamed Caller]

All right.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Wow.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

God, that is weird. So I guess no one has to really die anymore. Or are we even alive?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's crazy. When you kick the bucket, are you gonna leave a little AI Message for us all?

[Dustin Ibarra]

I feel like there's gonna be ample footage of me talking.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be great.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And people are gonna know exactly what he thinks, and. And there's not gonna be any fooling the public with me. Like, Adam has reconsidered his whole thought about left turn arrows, like, oh, it's not the Adam I know.

[Adam Carolla]

People is so gonna use your AI.

[Unnamed Caller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

It's gonna be. It's gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna play that clip in the future, and people are in the streets. Yeah.

[Dustin Ibarra]

I mean, we're at the point where I don't think you ever have to go away if there's enough footage of you between AI and footage, a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a lot of footage.

[Dustin Ibarra]

We're done. All right, let's bring it home. Did we bring it home?

[Unnamed Caller]

Bring it home.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Bring it home. I'm gonna be doing stand up in Bellflower. That's May 24th. And then Tacoma, Washington. Tacoma Comedy Club. That'll be 30th through the the 31st or in 30th and the 31st. Dustin has shows you can go to. Should we go to weenytips.com?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we need tips.com.

[Dustin Ibarra]

And where can we see you with your metal detector?

[Adam Carolla]

On my tick tock. Just Dustin Ybarra. Yeah, or Ibarra. Get all Marisol about it.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Marisol. Oh, man. I'm Jones. I am Jones.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll bring you. Bring you some tamale soup next time.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Mike August is a real riddle. Yeah, tamales. Too much work for him. But pissing into a sprite bottle at 40,000ft not work according to Mike, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Another day.

[Dustin Ibarra]

Till next time. Zen for Dustin and Mayhem saying Mahal.

[Dawson]

Pick up a phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Corolla. You can get them [e-mail].

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Stream all the movies and shows you love for free on Pluto tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Say what now? Showtime.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That means drama is free. With heart wrenching stories from love and basketball power. And Greenleaf, in this family, we live by the spirit and laughter is free. With gut busting comedies like Pee and Peele, the Neighborhood, Everybody Hates Chris and Boomerang. Watch all the hits all for free from all your favorite devices.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, I love it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream now pay never.