French Stewart + David Alan Grier (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: French Stewart + David Alan Grier (Carolla Classics) Release Date: January 4, 2025

Hosted by Adam Carolla, this episode of "Carolla Classics" features a lively mix of humor, sharp commentary, and candid conversations with guests French Stewart and David Alan Grier. The episode delves into a variety of topics, blending personal anecdotes with societal critiques, all delivered with Adam's signature wit.

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1. Controversial Commentary on Charles Manson and Global Warming

[02:43 - 04:58]

Allison Rosen and Josh Garner kick off a heated discussion centered around Charles Manson's unexpected remarks on global warming. The conversation quickly escalates into a vehement denunciation of Manson, intertwining his historical infamy with current environmental issues.

• Josh Garner: "Global warming. ... everyone's God. And if we don't wake up to that, there's going to be no weather because our polar caps are melting..."

• Allison Rosen: "I want a bullet put in the fucking guy's head... I'm an animal. I love the fact that I'm not evolved because I want this fucking guy dead."

The segment intensifies as participants express their disdain, intertwining personal pain and anger with broader environmental concerns.

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2. Critique of Tyler Perry and Racial Stereotypes in Media

[06:38 - 10:02]

The conversation shifts to a scathing critique of Tyler Perry, with Allison Rosen accusing him of perpetuating harmful Black stereotypes through his writing and storytelling.

• Allison Rosen: "He is a bad writer... It's the ultimate form of racism, which is Oprah going, hey, everybody, we have this horrible writer who's essentially a hack and perpetuating horrible black stereotypes..."

• French Stewart: "Adam had to drop out of the film ball at the last minute, so we were forced to devote the entire episode to Tyler Perry's Madea."

The discussion highlights frustrations with the lack of quality and depth in certain media portrayals, questioning the impact of Perry's work on societal perceptions.

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3. Personal Anecdotes: Prom Tragedies and Family Dynamics

[10:02 - 19:14]

Allison Rosen shares poignant and dark personal stories about losing prom dates and the indifferent nature of her family, adding a deeply personal layer to the episode.

• Allison Rosen: "She was, like, pretty smart, the whole world, family together, everything. And she was, like, in aerobics class or something. Got a little lightheaded and, like, fainted. And a week later, just died..."

• Allison Rosen: "That's how my family is. And I said to my goddamn mom... You need four comp tickets for tonight's show."

These narratives blend humor with tragedy, painting a vivid picture of Allison's life experiences and familial relationships.

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4. Satirical News Segments and Comedic Skits

[20:22 - 33:24]

The episode incorporates satirical takes on current events and everyday nuisances, using Allison Rosen, Josh Garner, and French Stewart to deliver comedic relief.

• Postal Worker Incident:

  Josh Garner: "The postal worker then pulled down his pants... Don Derfler started snapping pictures."

  Allison Rosen: "This is Truman Capote with, like, just a dusting of Asperger's syndrome or something."

• McDonald's Delivery Expansion:

  Brian Bishop: "McDonald's has more than doubled the number of its US locations that offer delivery..."

  Allison Rosen: "I argue that the people that wait for it to show up at your house, you don't enjoy it as much as when you leave your house..."

These segments showcase the trio's ability to blend observational humor with exaggerated narratives, making light of mundane and bizarre situations alike.

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5. Interactive Banter and Audience Engagement

[33:24 - 42:19]

Interspersed with the main discussions are moments of playful banter and interactions with guests, enhancing the dynamic and engaging atmosphere of the show.

• French Stewart and Allison Rosen engage in humorous exchanges about music preferences and personal anecdotes, adding spontaneity and laughter to the episode.

• Advertising Breaks:

  Allison Rosen: "Get this, Adam. Get this, Brian..." segueing into promotional bits in a humorous context.

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6. Closing Remarks and Future Segments Tease

[77:29 - 79:07]

As the episode wraps up, the hosts promote upcoming shows and events, maintaining the show's energetic and community-focused vibe.

• Allison Rosen: "I'm going to be doing a little comedy in Philadelphia at the Keswick Theater. Coming up on December 1st..."

• Adam Carolla: "So until next time, we're gonna take some questions. Save some babies for Paul Bryan and Shia LaBeouf."

The closing segments reinforce the show's commitment to comedy, audience interaction, and future content, leaving listeners anticipating the next episode.

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Notable Quotes:

• Allison Rosen on Charles Manson:

  "[03:10] ... I'm a more evolved because I want evil punished."

• French Stewart on Tyler Perry:

  "[07:17] Adam had to drop out of the film ball at the last minute..."

• Allison Rosen on Family Dynamics:

  "[16:43] ... you have your own problems. Like, my job sucks. My life sucks. I have no money."

• Josh Garner on McDonald's Delivery:

  "[33:58] ... McDonald's has expanded its third-party delivery to more than a thousand chains nationwide."

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Conclusion:

This episode of "Carolla Classics" masterfully blends humor with sharp societal critiques and personal storytelling. From controversial takes on infamous figures like Charles Manson to heartfelt anecdotes about family and personal loss, Adam Carolla and his guests create a multifaceted and engaging listening experience. The satirical news segments and interactive banter further enhance the show's dynamic, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.

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Note: This summary aims to encapsulate the primary discussions and highlights of the episode, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't tuned in.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever had to put your.

[Brian Bishop]

Plans on hold due to symptoms of generalized myasthenia gravis or gmg, like taking that weekend trip, talking with friends, or enjoying a meal? Learn about a treatment option that may help.

[Allison Rosen]

Visit treatgmg.com to learn more. That's treatgmg.com.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics. The AD free archives are exclusively available through Adam Kurolla's substack. All right, let's get to the clips coming up. First, we have Adam Carolla Show552 featuring Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2011. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Allison Rosen]

We can make it work, we can make it happen Every man, woman and child throughout the land Gotta do our part Gotta love our brother man.

[Adam Carolla]

We.

[Allison Rosen]

All got together lend the health at hand Blacks are good at sports, choosing, making money and Greek folks used to be good at a lot of things Used to be good, used to be good Sweetest chicks, ah, French folks are saucy and Porter Riggins book into that crazy beat. Albanians love sheep, Hispanics love relaxing and Irish people value good times over family. All right, you get it. Josh Garner, Mr. Stinkfinger. I like that. The great used to be good at a lot of stuff.

[Josh Garner]

Reading them their do.

[Allison Rosen]

What's going on, baby? Got some news?

[Josh Garner]

I sure do.

[Allison Rosen]

Live from the International News center, next.

[Gina Grad]

To Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Allison Rosen.

[Josh Garner]

Get this, Adam. Get this, Brian. Get this. Listeners and viewers, Charles Manson has broken his 20 year silence and is speaking out about global warming in a recent interview.

[Allison Rosen]

This is why we have to kill these fox. 20 year silence. He went killed. He got convicted, went 20 years, talked for 20 years and stopped talking for 20 years.

[Josh Garner]

And now he's all talking about global warming. Fire.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's hear it.

[Josh Garner]

Global warming.

[Allison Rosen]

He's got a track on Mr. Stinkfinger, by the way. Bonus track. Go ahead.

[Josh Garner]

In Spain's Vanity Fair, he said, everyone's God. And if we don't wake up to that, there's going to be no weather because our polar caps are melting, because we're doing bad things to the atmosphere. I mean, I. I've been saying that for years.

[Allison Rosen]

You know that Sharon Tate's mother has to, like, make the pilgrimage in from Tyler, Texas every like, seven years and sit in front of this fucking animal during the parole. Yeah, imagine that. I mean, imagine your Young, beautiful daughter slain many, many years ago, early 70s. And every fucking five, six years, you gotta head in and go sit there and stare at this fucking animal. Really?

[Josh Garner]

And now if you're in Spain and you pick up Vanity Fair, you read an article where he's talking about the.

[Allison Rosen]

Environment, and I want. I want a bullet put in the fucking guy's head. In. I'm an animal. I love the fact that I'm not evolved because I want this fucking guy dead. I argue I'm more evolved because I want evil punished.

[French Stewart]

Given his celebrity and his racism, I'm surprised he wasn't killed in jail.

[Allison Rosen]

It would have been nice, right?

[Josh Garner]

Yeah. I feel like the other inmates have really let us down.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Josh Garner]

But can I just share a few more of his. His. His wise gems? The automobiles and fossil fuels are destroying the atmosphere. And we won't have air to breathe if we don't change that as rapidly as I'm speaking to you now. If we don't put the green back on the planet and put the trees back that we've butchered, if we don't go to war against the problem, then he tr off.

[Allison Rosen]

By the way, he's picturing a 72 Pontiac Bonneville. Like, he's not picturing a Honda Civic. He doesn't. He's back in 1971, huh? Yeah. He doesn't.

[Josh Garner]

Rip Van Winkle.

[Allison Rosen]

You get behind one of those old cars, like a parking structure, and the guy gives a little gas. You're completely gassed out. New cars. You ever do a thing? Now you realize, like, someone fires up their Honda and it's, like, in their garage, and you're standing in the garage next to the tailpipe, nothing seems to be coming out.

[Josh Garner]

I drove an electric Mini at an auto show a couple years ago, and the thing doesn't even. It doesn't even sound like a car. It just sounds like.

[Allison Rosen]

I drove a leaf about 12 hours ago indoors, in New York at the auto show. The Nissan Leaf.

[Josh Garner]

I drove a twig for saying that I drove a twig here.

[Allison Rosen]

I drove a piece of bark powered by good vibes.

[Josh Garner]

I hitched a ride on a dragonfly.

[Allison Rosen]

I rode upon a unicorn.

[Josh Garner]

I sat on a firefly and I was careful not to get burned. Here's the story. Don't be a 1 upper. Like I said before.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, like I said before. Ah, Want to strangle that bitch.

[Josh Garner]

I mean, I actually said before, I actually agree, you know, with. With Manson about how we. We do need to be careful about global warming and the environment and stuff, but I don't want him to be caring. I don't want. I don't want to be aligned with him.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[French Stewart]

Hey, Allison, can you go right into the mic and just say, I agree with Charles Manson real clearly?

[Josh Garner]

Oh, that's a good idea. Okay. Yeah. Wait. Tell me what you wanted me to say again. Say again. I.

[French Stewart]

You agree with.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you stepped right on it.

[Josh Garner]

I agree with Charles Manson.

[Allison Rosen]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Josh Garner]

You guys aren't gonna do anything bad with that, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It's just gonna put it in a spank bank, that's all.

[Josh Garner]

Okay. Tyler Perry had some choice words for Spike Lee. He said, I am so sick of hearing about damn Spike Lee. He said this during the press conference for Madea's Big Happy Family. Have you guys already bought tickets?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, man. He's so versatile, that Tyler Perry. I mean, one movie, he's got a big black chick who's swinging her purse around and swinging a gun around and threatening people. And then the next movie, you got a big black chick swinging a gun around. But then just when you think you know him, he unleashes a big black chick who's swinging a gun around. Awesome.

[French Stewart]

Adam had to drop out of the film ball at the last minute, so we were forced to devote the entire episode to Tyler Perry's Madea.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he is. I've said it once. I'll say it again. He is a bad writer.

[Josh Garner]

You said it more than once.

[Allison Rosen]

I will say 10 minutes, 10,000 times. Please watch Diary of a Mad Black Woman or whatever his first one was, and then tell me if you can figure out what the fuck it is. It's a horrible message, and it's the ultimate form of racism, which is Oprah going, hey, everybody, we have this horrible writer who's essentially a hack and perpetuating horrible black stereotypes, which is, I put my foot up your ass. I put a cap in your ass. But. But he's successful, so let's put him on our show and pump him up even more. Even though his art sucks and his message is horrific, You're a regular Spike Lee.

[Josh Garner]

That's pretty much Spike Lee's point.

[Allison Rosen]

It's fucking a hack. His writing is bad. It's not one of these things where it's like, well, you gotta be black and you don't understand, and it's a cultural. No, I just fucking watched it. I just watch it. I watch it.

[Josh Garner]

I listen to the words through your white man's eyes.

[Allison Rosen]

Once in a while, the hood obscures the thing, but I will lift it up to eat popcorn. It's horrible writing. Fucking writing is bad.

[Josh Garner]

So do you find that you are normally on the same page as Spike?

[Allison Rosen]

No, but Spike at least can write.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I think Spike is probably racist, but at least he can. He can write.

[Josh Garner]

He had to alienate both of them, probably.

[Allison Rosen]

So basically, yes, he's racist, but he can write.

[Josh Garner]

In 2009, Spike Lee said this. And this is what Perry was. Was talking about. This is Spike Lee. Each artist should be allowed to pursue their artistic endeavors. But I still think there is a lot of stuff out today that is coonery and buffoonery. I know it's making a lot of money and breaking records, but we can do better. I'm a huge basketball fan, and when I watch the games on tnt, I see these two ads for these two shows talking about Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns and House of Pain, and I am scratching my head. We got a president and we going back to Manton Moreland and sleep and eat.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And the big ad for Madea's next one is like, hallelujah or whatever. And it doesn't make. I'm not sure. Maybe it's a white guy thing.

[French Stewart]

It's funny the way she talks. Hallelujah.

[Allison Rosen]

The thing is this.

[Josh Garner]

That is funny.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I don't know what Spike is saying. You know, all the shit we made fun of from back in the day.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Like step and fetch it and even the sort of black exploitation stuff and all that stuff. And we all see that, and it's 20 years past or 50 years past, and we sort of shake our head like, oh, man, what were we thinking?

[Josh Garner]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And now we think we've moved past all that. No, we have not. In generations. We'll go back and look at this Tyler Perry shit and shake their head and go, what were we thinking? And the real question is, what is Oprah thinking? She shouldn't be. Have this guy on the show and, you know, turn him into the second coming.

[Josh Garner]

In college, I took a class called Representations of African Americans in American Cultural Discourse.

[Allison Rosen]

Awesome.

[Josh Garner]

I did not really understand any part of it, but I did write a paper about Tutti.

[Allison Rosen]

You should get together with my mom and her Chicano Studies degree. I feel like you two whities could really get it on.

[Josh Garner]

I agree with Charles Manson.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wow. Let's just stay on the subject, please.

[Josh Garner]

No, I think that we should talk about prom. I want you guys to go with me.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Josh Garner]

I want to find there's a show story. Oh, here we are.

[Allison Rosen]

My prom date. Died? Yeah.

[Josh Garner]

What happened?

[Allison Rosen]

Wouldn't put out. What are you gonna do? No. Sweet, beautiful, good grades. I, I the fuck. I don't know the full story. She. She. I went to the prom with her. She went off to UCSB, and I think she graduated. And she's probably, like, 21 or 22 or something like that. She was, like, pretty smart, the whole world, family together, everything. And she was, like, in aerobics class or something. Got a little lightheaded and, like, fainted. And the doctor, like, told her, like, hey, take it easy, and went out and took another class. A week later, just died. I mean, that's how I heard it in 1985 or whenever it was reported back to me. Just sweet, pretty, nice girl. Nice family. Yeah.

[Josh Garner]

Were you shaken up?

[Allison Rosen]

You know, it's so. It's so weird when you're so bad, but when you come from my family and you live where I live, and you grew up how I grew up, and we had guys dying, you know, in their early 20s. Like, hey, you ever happened to Chris? What happened? Died last weekend on a motorcycle and be like, oh, man, that's a bummer. What do you guys want to do for. For dinner? Like, it was like, something weird. I mean, I guess almost like being in the army, just as a matter of fact. Guys falling around. Yeah. Like, you're just 23 and you're stupid and you don't care and you don't know and you don't value your own life that much. Like, we're all riding motorcycles with no helmets in the rain and stuff like that.

[Josh Garner]

Driving around naked.

[Allison Rosen]

Driving around naked and was just like, wow, man, that's sad. And that's like, what? But, but we had. It's like, I don't. You just have your own problems. Like, my job sucks. My life sucks. I have no money.

[Josh Garner]

I can't afford anything. Charles Manson.

[Allison Rosen]

You're agreeing with Charles Manson? Yeah. So it's, like, almost not old enough to, to take it in, you know?

[Josh Garner]

Yeah. Like, you're. Yeah. Like, the shock stage sort of lasted till now.

[Allison Rosen]

It almost never kicks in because you're, like, more. We're more animal than human. It's weird. All right, next.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah, it's weird. I have. There's a lot of deaths around me that I've mourned, but there's. My dad's best friend died right as I was graduating from college. And, like, I just was too busy that for it to ever really catch up with me. I mean, I'm sad, but it, like, for some reason, like just time wise it didn't work out for me to.

[Allison Rosen]

Learn one of your dad's friends, even though it's a family.

[Josh Garner]

Well, he was like a family friend. I mean someone that I normally would.

[Allison Rosen]

Have mourned that when I was young. I mean know when you're young and someone who's 43 dies, like. Well, he lived a rich, rich old age. You know, he lived a ripe old age of 43. Like it seems like an old. I had. My friend's dad died right when we graduated high school. And I remember thinking, sad, but he was an older dude. But the reality is he's younger than we. Meaning me and my buddy Alex, whose dad died are now. Which is sad to think.

[Josh Garner]

Right, right. But it's not cut with that tragedy of like a. A kid whose life was put out.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Had a few of those.

[Josh Garner]

So anyway, though Wisconsinite Karen Frey made her daughter.

[Allison Rosen]

Manson will outlive us all. Do not worry.

[Josh Garner]

I agree with Charles Manson. Instant regret. A prom dress from thousands of Starburst candy wrappers.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I love this Dolly Parton song.

[Josh Garner]

Each one carefully folded eight times, increased with a tweezer.

[Allison Rosen]

This is the mama.

[Josh Garner]

The mama made this. The mother made the dress. Oh, and shoes and a clutch and a vest for the daughter's boyfriend Zane, who we have a sound bite from and he's so unhappy about this. And the project took six years.

[Allison Rosen]

My mom and this woman would have nothing to talk about. Nothing.

[Josh Garner]

I feel like this is not woman of the. I mean mother of the year.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it is, it is just you wait.

[Josh Garner]

Okay, let's hear it. This is my boyfriend Zane and this is his.

[Allison Rosen]

We literally. It's all right.

[Josh Garner]

Had no choice.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't really have a choice. Listen, that's a sweet looking dress. It's a sweet looking broad. And that kid is lucky. And I don't give a shit. I love that. I love effort. And she looks good in it too. Now that's hot. And that took. Look, it's six years calorie burning. It's ever. I swear to God. A year ago I fucking called my mom. I was out doing. Starting to gather some pictures together for the live show and I wanted some old pictures of like me or the house or whatever. And keep in mind my mom lives in about 900 square foot worth of house. And I said I never asked my mom for anything ever. I just. What, what my parents do is they render themselves just sort of incapable and then everyone leaves him alone. Sort of like announcing the world, you have a bad back. And then no one ever asked you to move. You just walk around with a bad back your whole life and everyone will leave you alone. And basically my family's. Their MO is to be wildly ineffective. And then no one will ever bug you for anything. It's sort of like.

[Josh Garner]

It's kind of smart.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, no, it's like my poor assistant Jay is wildly effective, super hard working and drives a pickup truck. Thus he gets bugged every weekend to help someone move or to help them out or blah blah, blah, because they know he's a sucker and they'll know he'll do it. You drive a sedan and always be reaching for your back and everyone is. Life will leave you alone and announce you have no money. No one ever asked to borrow anything there, help or anything. But that's how my family is. And I said to my goddamn mom, I said, hey, mom, you got any old pictures? Because I'm trying to get this show together for tonight and I'm running around town taking pictures of my old work and old apartment, all that kind of stuff. You got anything?

[Josh Garner]

And she says, I agree with Charles Manson.

[Allison Rosen]

She said, I'd rather got a shoebox in a closet. Meanwhile, house is 900 square feet. I said, hey, do you think I could come over there and grab that and grab a couple of those pictures Saturday afternoon about 11 in the morning? She said, me and your stepfather are making health drinks right now. I said, all right, well, could I come over and just. Well, I don't really have the time to look at. Could you come by in a few hours, like maybe 2:00? I said, well, Mom, I gotta go to North Hollywood and take a bunch of pictures. And then I gotta go up to La Crescenta to the old house and take a bunch of pictures and it's raining outside and we're doing a show tonight. And she said, so I'm really kind of up against it and I'm really swamped and I'm really, I'm stressed out. So if you could just pull the box down from the closet, it's a shoebox. And I could just.

[Josh Garner]

While she's making help.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I said I could come there in like the next half hour. I'll just, you know, go through them and get the pictures. And she was like, yeah, right in the middle of making these things. And then I said, is she braiding the alfalfa? Then I said. And then I gave the sarcastic, you know what? Just forget it, forget it. I'm too busy. I got too much going on. I gotta Take all these pictures and then we're doing a show tonight at the El Portal. I'm up against it. I'm stressed out. So you know what? Enjoy your health drink and just forget it. And she was like, okay. Oh, by the way, we need four comp tickets for tonight's show.

[Josh Garner]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that. That's girl. And by the way, that's, that's, that's standard operating procedure.

[Josh Garner]

Did you give them the tickets?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. What are you gonna do? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's a 900 square foot house. It's got one closet in it. There's a shoebox in it. As 11 o'clock, she's making health drinks and couldn't come by in the next half hour. Couldn't literally get the shoebox out. You want to talk about just fucking paralyzed, Wildly fucking ineffective. And I'm not doing shit for you. That's the family.

[Josh Garner]

If I had known that making health drinks could get you out of things, I would be making a lot of health drinks.

[Allison Rosen]

It's awesome because it wasn't breakfast and it wasn't lunch. It was the health drink in between. But think about the symbolism of it. I gotta take care of me, right?

[Josh Garner]

It's me time. I'm taking me personal day.

[Allison Rosen]

Me personal day. Yeah. Mm. All right, so fuck em.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah. Well, this mom with the starburst wrapper. But see, she probably for six years, couldn't go to parent student day, couldn't do this, couldn't do that, because she was folding her wrappers.

[Allison Rosen]

Everything and then some. And I know her daughter has an eating disorder. And if. I know if I sat next to her on a plane, she would fill my head with all sorts of horrible things her mom did, which would be the opposite of stuff my mom did because it would have been stuff, you know, I mean, she would have been. Oh, my mom was always all over me and she would embarrass me because she would go to my volleyball games. She'd go to my volleyball games. She would stand up and cheer real loud and it'd be so embarrassing. And it's like she went to a volleyball game. Yeah, really. See, that's how everything works with me. I don't care. You kids that are embarrassed by your parents that burn calories on you. Cry me a fucking river, ass wipes.

[Josh Garner]

And apparently Karen contacted the Candy Wrigleys who makes the labels and asked if she could just get these starburst wrappers, but they said no. So she had to Buy all the candy. They can't do that.

[Allison Rosen]

That strategy works out fine until it makes the news, and then you have to report that they said no. All right, one more story. Take it on home.

[Josh Garner]

Okay. Okay. Did you hear about the postal worker in Portland who defecated on someone's lawn?

[Allison Rosen]

Mmm. Intrigued.

[Josh Garner]

Don Derfler was waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at a neighbor's house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants. That's when Derfler started snapping pictures.

[Allison Rosen]

What can brown do for you?

[Josh Garner]

The pictures show the postal worker squatting near some bushes and pulling his pants. Pants up. Now, when I first read this, I was like, I. I wasn't sure that he had actually defecated, but that's since been confirmed. Yeah. Derfler even photographed what was left behind. And we have a little. We have Der Fler explaining this.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature to come on our property and to defecate. Hold on. Is this Truman Capote? Who is this?

[French Stewart]

A murderer.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a murderer. That's fucking. That is Truman Capote with, like, just a dusting of Asperger's syndrome or something. If you took Truman Capote and you made him 31 and you put bad frames on him and he gave him just a dusting of down syndrome look.

[Josh Garner]

In his mouth, too.

[French Stewart]

If Truman Capote was a huge brewers fan.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Run that back. Let's hear. Let's see. Go ahead. Right on. It's just wrong.

[Josh Garner]

I like when people like the inverse of Don Draper.

[Allison Rosen]

I like when people take a, you know, basic black and white sort of act, you know what I mean? And then just announce at the end that it's wrong. Like, you break into somebody's car and steal their stereo. That's just wrong. Like, all right, hold on. Let me take my notes. Let me take my notes. And I do, like when they do that thing, like, if they find out that you know somebody, whether it's the carpet cleaning guy or the meter reader, like, we trust these people to come into our homes. And yeah, we get it. We get the guy shit in the dog run. We understand. I understand. You know, I understand. And then I like when they take it. Like, when I signed up to receive mail, I did not sign up to receive fecal matter. And my dog. I like when they do they lay that one out too. Like, no shit. This ain't.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

This. Whoo. What a hard hitting interview this is.

[Josh Garner]

We get it complicated news story with many gray areas, a lot of nuances. I feel like the mailman deserves equal time.

[Allison Rosen]

All the things layered like a croissant. Yes. I want to hear his side of the story. Let's get his anus on the floor. I just like. And I like the part where like you don't you expect these people to deliver your mail but not to defecate. Yeah, okay, hold on, slow down. What part you expect them to deliver? Defecation.

[Josh Garner]

Every day, rain or shine.

[French Stewart]

I'm making a list of things to expect him to do and don't expect him to do. Now I got the mail under the expect column.

[Josh Garner]

Mail.

[Allison Rosen]

Run this packages. Run this guy again. And everyone just think Truman Capote and let's see if it doesn't freak freak us out. And this is your worst nightmare by the way. We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature to come on our property and to depecate coming on his properties next. Right away. Yeah, it's wrong. Is he saying it's.

[Josh Garner]

Wait, he looks like he's living through it.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't hear the end of the. What did he say it was? It was right on or did he say wrong?

[Josh Garner]

He said it.

[Allison Rosen]

He's on. It's just wrong. By the way, it's got to be rough going through your life as der Fuhrer. That's essentially which his name is.

[French Stewart]

His pregnant paws. Like he was searching for if it was right or wrong. It's just wrong.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe in his mind he flipped a coin. It's tails wrong. Yeah. See here's the problem. The problem with our society is there's way too many unpleasant unemployable people now. Which means you can't get away with shit literally anymore. There was a time where you could just kind of do your dirty work somewhere around the middle of the day in the middle of the week and there wouldn't be some ass wipe who was home collecting disability who had a camera in his phone taking a picture of you. You know what I mean?

[Josh Garner]

I feel like that guy deserves disability collecting it.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe you're right. But everyone is home during the fucking day now. Like no one just gets it. Used to be like everyone just left for work at 8:30 in the morning and came home at 6:30 at night. Now everyone's fucking, you know, Mrs. Kravitz just buzzing around world.

[Josh Garner]

Is this where you can't take a shit on God?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't want to live in it, but I mean. Yeah.

[Josh Garner]

Have you ever taken a Crap. Just on a lawn.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that guy was. It wasn't really on the lawn. He was kind of in the shrub.

[Josh Garner]

It wasn't in a toilet. You're right. I'm sorry. It was not on the lawn. It was hidden.

[French Stewart]

But still a couple of close calls where it was almost.

[Allison Rosen]

But let's, let's look, let me play ass advocate here for a second. Let's just say, you know, when it happens to the best of us, you know, maybe 8 off the truck that morning or something, I mean, there is that moment where it's like, holy shit. Pardon the pun. Something's gonna happen. Now. If I find a toilet, that's good. But if I don't, it's still gonna happen. There's two kinds of shits. There's I'll wait till I get home or wait till the plane lands or wait till the intermission of the theater or whatever it is. And then there's something is going to happen in the next two to eight minutes and there's not a goddamn thing anyone can do about it. You do have that, you know, once a year, there's usually that something is going to happen.

[Josh Garner]

Oh, the annual.

[Allison Rosen]

And if you're in a place where you're nowhere near your home and nowhere near a liquor store and a convenience store or gas station and you're on foot, sort of, then what? At that point, you know what I mean? It looked to me like he tried to stash himself and push himself off the side. Now here's the real question, and here's where I would be if this guy said, did he try to, you know, scrape a few leaves on it, take care of it? If a guy said to me, hey, man, I ate fucking Thai food last night. And I don't know what happened, but I started making my pointed rounds and I heard a grumble and I was going to explode all over my khaki shorts. And I got a long day of walking ahead of me. And so I went off to the dog run, I went off to the side, I did my business, wiped myself with a Penny Saver and I tried to ball it up and sort of shove it into the corner, whatever. I would not hold it against that guy. I don't think he was sending a message. I think he had to take a shit.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah. But within two blocks, there was a public park with porta potties and a store with a public bathroom. It does not know why he didn't go there. You know what, though? If I see a porta Potty, I think I Do not want to have to go in there.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the same as shitting outdoors. Number one. Or worse.

[Josh Garner]

It's sitting on someone's shit, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It's shit on shit crime. It's. It's black on black crime. And the. The other part is, if he had known, you know, I don't know. I mean, he works the beat, you know, maybe he did, but who the hell knows if he knows. They're two blocks from here. You can hit a porta potty. All right, let's bring it home.

[Josh Garner]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, kumquat. I agree with Charles Manson.

[Gina Grad]

That was the news with Alison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, we cool? All right, I'll keep you guys posted on the audiobook. Fucking tired of just arguing with everybody about everything. And then again, I know I'm a dick and everyone does the. Come on, man, what's with the attitude? It's like. But you're right, it wouldn't. There wouldn't be an attitude. The attitude is I'm gonna live till 80 if I'm lucky. And three quarters of that is going to be spent having the same argument with stupid people. You're fucking wasting my life. Knock it off. Thank you. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla. Words to live by for Paul Bryan and Allison Rosen. And we'll see you tonight at the John Lovitz Theater, doing our thing live. So until next time, Adam, Carlos, and mahalo.

[Josh Garner]

I agree with Charles Manson.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Carolla Show 552. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla Show 2088, featuring French Stewart Dog, the Bounty Hunter, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2017.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, it's Adam Croll from the Adam Crolla show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting, BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline, the game starts here.

[Gina Grad]

You know what's funny is like. Like the. Like I used to gas her to sleep with 70s hits, you find yourself, like, singing, like, fooled around and fell in love. And you're like, oh, it's working, but.

[French Stewart]

It sticks with it.

[Gina Grad]

At what price should I bring? Yeah, at what price do I bring Elvin Bishop right into, like, the baby scenario? Like, I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he. That's another one of the songs where he announced that all he did was love women, orgasm, and lead.

[French Stewart]

The first line is that must have.

[Allison Rosen]

Been through about a million girls. I love them. Leave them alone. Oh, actually, I take prescription meds out of the medicine counter, then I leave.

[Gina Grad]

It's a lot of sex for a dude with a straw hat. It's delightful, though. I love you guys. We should, like. Like, we should get together again, like, in a year. Hang out, write another book.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, right.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I got a crap out of professional book.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Long intro.

[Allison Rosen]

Look at that. Oh, no, you got a woman talked it up. I must have been through about a million girls. I love them. I leave them alone.

[French Stewart]

This is the guy from Starship.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Singing. It sounds like it, but.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that's Mickey Thomas, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But this sounds very.

[French Stewart]

No, this is not.

[Gina Grad]

It's very Jefferson.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it isn't.

[French Stewart]

But it's not.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, but it feels like it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, then.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, stepped in.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it is the. It is the Starship guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Mickey.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

He.

[Gina Grad]

He'd do, like, miracles. Like.

[French Stewart]

Yeah, that's a great song. It's not even a tool. Oh, song's great.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[French Stewart]

Well, windows might go up.

[Gina Grad]

It's solid. Like it.

[French Stewart]

But French. If you're listening to this song in traffic and you pull up to a red light, windows go up.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't want other people to know you're enjoying this song.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, well, here's something about me. I don't apologize for it. Yeah, I've got, like, I've got fucking Toto. I've got all sorts of bullshit.

[Adam Carolla]

He's tool, tune, immune.

[Gina Grad]

And, like, I'll play it at a party and I'll be all like, yeah, yeah, I just. I just played some Taylor Swift for you drunk fat bastards, and I don't give a about it. Like, I'm. I. I'm unapologetic.

[Allison Rosen]

And they're like, next time let's wake over at Linda's house. Yeah, well, she's being wildly inappropriate.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, well, enjoy.

[Allison Rosen]

Perhaps this is our problem for holding the wake at French or something. We thank you for volunteering French, but the next time someone dies, we're just going over to Linda's house.

[Gina Grad]

I like all the Bee Gees.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sorry Linda did not like Taylor Swift.

[Gina Grad]

You knew that Linda will take what she fucking gets because that's what happened with Linda's life. Look, Linda fucked everybody over and now she gets what she gets at her fucking way. I love when.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's do one more story over here.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, let's do another one.

[Brian Bishop]

In less than a month, McDonald's has more than doubled the number of its US locations that offer delivery. According to the CFO, delivery is now available at more than 2,000 locations. And he expects the partnership with Uber Eats to expand that to more than 35 locations by the end of this month. Previously, McDonald's had expanded its third party delivery to more than a thousand chains nationwide. McDonald's already has well established delivery service in Asia and the Middle east, where for some restaurant delivery is 40% of sales. Last year, McDonald's garnered nearly a billion dollars in delivery sales globally.

[Allison Rosen]

I argue that the people that when you wait for it to show up at your house, you don't enjoy it as much as when you leave your house and you do that moment where you walk in and you get a little whiff of the fries and the meat and then there's that little sort of. It's the foreplay period. Like, well, there's a few people in front of me in line. I'm gonna look up at the board here. Nothing better than reading the board up there, see what we got. Thinking about some super sizing going on. Then this power move where you dispatch your mate. Hey, hold down that table. What do you want? You want big and fries? Okay, I got to get the table. Go sit there. Someone's gonna sit there. Yeah, they go sit and they lock down the table.

[Gina Grad]

Damn straight.

[French Stewart]

I like that they've got the one they want.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the foreplay.

[Gina Grad]

It's a foreplay.

[French Stewart]

It's the whole experience.

[Gina Grad]

It's like the McRib is back.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's a McRib tracker.

[Gina Grad]

Are we gonna have like a Shamrock Shake? I'll pull into that. Let me tell you something. I'm gonna be honest with you. I will eat any shit out of McDonald's and love it. And everybody can like take their gluten free bullshit and walk it across the street because I'm gonna eat that filet of fish. It's not fish. I understand that, but like, I let my mind think that it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, McDonald's has worked out diabolically a whole bunch of stuff. It's the Twinkie or It's the Jack in the Box Taco.

[Gina Grad]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

You can all close your eyes and taste a Jack in the Box Taco which does not resemble the taste of a taco. No.

[French Stewart]

You're okay with it.

[Allison Rosen]

Some part of your brain likes it more in a weird way. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Can I tell you a terrible thing?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Like, I was going through pilot season a couple of years ago and I was driving. Like, I had to be like, I do an audition. I'm a businessman, and then I'm a principal. I'm like, something, but I'm going to all these things. And so I'm going over to Fox and there's that Del Taco. And I go, all right, I'm gonna eat that. And so I ate it. And then on my way back, I was like, oh, I don't feel like. Great. And then I was like, I should go home. And then I was like, no, I should pull over. And then I pulled over into the flats of Brentwood and I crawled into the back seat of my Cadillac and I shat in a Del Taco bag.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, it's a guy from Third Rock shitting in a Delta bag.

[Gina Grad]

Third Rock shitting in a Del Taco bag. So you're probably wondering, like, why are you telling me this?

[Allison Rosen]

No. Well, now you only have 12 secrets, right?

[Gina Grad]

Like, just stay humble, right?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I like it. Keeping it real. I like that.

[Gina Grad]

Like, it is what it is. It's like you do that and then you're like, oh, this suit actually cost $2000. Like, but like, here I am. And like, this happened and.

[Allison Rosen]

But I like, it's starting to make sense.

[French Stewart]

My French doesn't get embarrassed about the music he listens to.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the least of his worries in the car.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, no. Twitter after Twitter. I just like, you have enough, like, 13 year old kids, like, tell you that you're garbage. That, like, at a certain point you're just like, all right, well, I'm garbage. Lean into it, lean into it. Like, I'm cool. Like, it's fine. I'm like, I get it. I'm Inspector Gadget 2. I'm like, Home Alone 4. It's all fine. I know my sweet spot. Go nuts. It's fine.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, hold that thought. I'll tell you about stamps. Dot com. We use it here. Buy and print official US postage for any letter, any package, any class of mail. Do it right with your own computer, right off your own printer. They'll even send you a digital scale to automatically calculate the exact Postage. And right now you can enjoy stamps.com with a special four week trial plus postage and the digital scale without long term commitments. Super easy. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone, top of the homepage, type in Adam. Get your scale, get your postage, get it all. Never go to the post office again. Let's not wait in line. Let's not go to that weird depressing place our grandparents used to go to. Go to stamps.com, click the microphone, top of the homepage, type in my name, Adam, that is stamps.com. enter code adamstamps.com. never ever go to the post office again. Yes, Gina.

[Brian Bishop]

Greg, can I tell you really fast? I thought of an indicator the other day and I wanted to run it by you. When it comes to car commercials and that whole thing, have you noticed in the last year or so in the car commercial they use the seat warmer to put their fast food on so it's warm when they get it home.

[Allison Rosen]

Ooh, I don't remember what car I saw that.

[Brian Bishop]

I was like, oh my God, that's in a car commercial.

[French Stewart]

I don't mind that.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't mind it either. It's a bit of an indicator, right?

[Brian Bishop]

It's a life hack.

[Gina Grad]

There's a game that I play with my wife where like it's August or September in LA and it's hot and I put on the seat warmer and give her a hot ass. She didn't know it's coming. Suddenly she's like, I'm sweating. What's like? Like, hey, did you give me a hot ass? Yeah, I gave you a hot ass. Mind your business.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, and knock it off for the back seats, French, because that bag of is boiling over. Give me a hot nostril here, man.

[Gina Grad]

My bung hole. It's my bone.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, let's bring it home. Gina Grad.

[Brian Bishop]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad. And that's the news.

[Gina Grad]

I got a damaged butthole.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina.

[Allison Rosen]

Gina.

[Gina Grad]

Son of a goddamn. Was the bitch with Gina Grad ad?

[Giovanni]

All right, this French Stewart back in episode 28 8. Have a look at in and out again. Coming for our final clip today we have Adam K Show 683 featuring David Allen Greer, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This one's from October of 2011. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Allison Rosen]

And now, Alcoa present. Definitely not a Jew on the Adam Carolla Show. Dateline d'Iberville, Mississippi. A 35 year old man was arrested at a Winn Dixie grocery store after being caught stuffing food into his cargo Shorts. The stolen items were two bags of shrimp, two live lobsters and a pork loin. Definitely not a Jew. Yeah, I miss those. Nice job, Dawson and Lynch. I love the music and I always love the insane Alcoa presents.

[French Stewart]

Yeah, the best one ever. And Lynn can probably. Or Dawson can tell us which one it was. It was. They were like Dateline, whatever town. It was something Mississippi. And then it ended.

[Allison Rosen]

That was.

[French Stewart]

It implied there were no Jews in that town.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably. Probably. Good bet.

[Josh Garner]

Now if you were stuffing these things in your cargo shorts, would you use the pockets? Take it down the front?

[Allison Rosen]

I think you steal like the Indians would use the buffalo.

[Josh Garner]

Every part of the shorts.

[Allison Rosen]

Every part of the shorts. The not a Jew that Brian's talking about was Dateline Salt Lake City. Oh, okay. All right. Well, Dag is not in the building. Oh, now he is.

[Josh Garner]

Oh, now he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, Adam. Jesus Christ. He is here. Dagaroni just pulled up, everybody. The great Dagaroni. Well, pull up and have a seat, Dagaroni. I'll tell you guys. Dagaroni. Good to see you, my brother.

[Adam Carolla]

What's up, Adam Crackaholy.

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone loves Dag. Well, not everyone, I gotta say. Well, no, not everyone, but. But family aside, everyone loves Dag. When Dag comes on this show, the message board lights up, I get the tweets. Everyone loves the best guest ever. Everyone, everyone says. And so I said, you know what? Let's get Dag back in here, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you for inviting me back. And how are you, woman who is not Teresa?

[Josh Garner]

Thank you. Earlier, Adam referred to my vagina as Teasby and I said, excuse me, I'm a.

[Allison Rosen]

Two times.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know you that well, but I hope that it is a more handsome vagina than that one.

[Josh Garner]

I don't know how you judge it, but I believe it might be from afar.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you said that. Wigs confident. You said, I believe it might be.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a little. There's this bit that Dag used to do that used to drive me nuts. I mean, in the comedy department. Well, when it. When Theresa would read the news, Dag would fall asleep in the middle of it.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Theresa. It wasn't a bit.

[Giovanni]

It wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it was. I actually could not. I mean, she would read. There's something about her. You're a different person. You're a different woman. So, you know, it's not. Can be manufactured. But when she would read the news, it just knocked me out like a drug, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Propofol.

[Adam Carolla]

Propofol. Wait we gotta take a sidebar. The defense is saying that Michael Jackson swallowed propofol and thus sedated himself.

[Allison Rosen]

It is the best part about the trial, which is 300 pound brothers who used to play in arena league ball who are up there mispronouncing every fucking third were.

[Adam Carolla]

What did the defendant ask you again for? Profile from Semlunk. From Semlunk.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's also funny when guys, and I hope you take this in spirit, witch intended, but it's always funny. It's always funny when black people do it. I don't think whitey tries.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys, welcome to the Klan rally. This year we brought back a Klan favorite. Adam Krilolo, take us home for our clan Christmas meeting.

[Allison Rosen]

It's always funny when the 300 pound sweaty guy have to shave. And it looks like Suge Knight is in I'm in courtroom mode. And he.

[Adam Carolla]

Could you repeat a blessing, please? Well, speaking of like bodyguard security, have you ever thought that through, big guy? 350, he's good stationary, right? But what if you give chase? He's got a snatch and grab or block. He's really not going.

[Allison Rosen]

He's literally like traveling with a shield. Like a shield that eats hot wings. You know, you're basically saying that bullet, you couldn't shoot Michael Jackson if you're four feet away from him. There's nothing there.

[Adam Carolla]

And it behooves you, the client to get behind him.

[Allison Rosen]

He's not Michael Jackson behind a dude who played tackle for Wyoming, you know, nose guard. What year? I'd say, let's say mid-90s now, put on £100 since his playing days. That bull is going to find some part of him before it finds Michael Jackson. Almost impossible to shoot Michael Jackson. You might hit like an epaulette or something that was hanging.

[Josh Garner]

You might graze. A nose bandage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Like you might hit some of his hair or like a sunglasses.

[Adam Carolla]

When you say his, you mean his as in he bought it, thus he owns it, it is his.

[Allison Rosen]

Or I'm saying you would shoot at him and you would knock like part of a sergeant Pepper's uniform off. But I don't think you would actually hit any flesh or bone. You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

What's the military, the correct military term of the thing on the shoulder that has the tassels that go.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's an epaulette.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like that. It's sexy.

[Allison Rosen]

It's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I kiss your epilaps?

[Josh Garner]

I can't feel it, but okay. Now see, in the same way that A vacuum cleaner often comes with a little dust buster attachment. A giant bodyguard should come with the tiny version that can change chase.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Would like jump out of his ass and throw him. Pursuit.

[Josh Garner]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it have to be the ass? Yeah, I guess you're gonna want to run, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's the thing, you know, you got to think. You go, you go and sort of Kevin Costner, Whitney Houston kind of bodyguard.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I've never seen a bodyguard to look like Kevin Costner. Never.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the 180 pound guy. But that's the guy who can dive in front of the bullet.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Josh Garner]

You know, full service bodyguard.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I. I have very famous, famous friend. You know, we're at a club, supposed to, you know, meet him and his crew there. So I get there, I see one of the bodyguards. He's there, and the dude must have been 30ft away. I was like, hey, man, hey, look here. Hey, tell brother it's me, man. He's like, you guys, wait till he turn around. Try and get his attention, man. I can't, I can't. Can't go that far. He literally. Yeah, he could not go 30ft. He was sweating. He was like, wait till he turned the water drink and then wave at him.

[Allison Rosen]

Now who's going to tell us who you're saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Why not a public forum? Brother's very famous.

[Allison Rosen]

Very famous.

[Adam Carolla]

Very famous. Vernon Casey. You know Vernon Casey?

[Allison Rosen]

I was going to say Al Roker, but Al Roer. Well, he black and he's famous.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but do the club music again. Hey, Al. Al stand. Stands with two hot white women. Al Roa. It's me. Say he got his shirt on. He got his shirt off. He's getting. Oh, he's getting wild now. W. No, I wasn't out walking, man.

[Allison Rosen]

He wasn't out walking. Ah, you drinking coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a little late to be drinking coffee anyway. What's going on, Dag?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wait a minute. So.

[Josh Garner]

Well, it's early for to be drinking coffee, cuz usually I drink it during the show at night.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know Dag was. I didn't know I said Dag. I could give you a plug, brother.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, baby. A.C. tom. Saturday, rather. Atlantic City. That's how folks say Atlantic. Say act. Actlantic.

[Allison Rosen]

Atlantic City.

[Adam Carolla]

City.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how the brothers say.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't say brothers. I said some people. But, you know, Atlantic City.

[Allison Rosen]

Atlantic City. Yeah. Dag's also going to be playing. Oh, yeah, we may miss Atlantic City.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, no, no, no. October 22nd? No, because this is a.

[Allison Rosen]

This is before that. But it's air. This airs on Monday. Yeah, that's okay. That's all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we probably missed that.

[Josh Garner]

But it went so well.

[Allison Rosen]

27Th through the 30th at the Irvine Improv, November 3rd through the 6th at Cobbs in San Francisco. Cobbs is great.

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't it great?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I had a crazy broad last time I was out of Cobbs. Did you have a crazy broad?

[Adam Carolla]

I did one time. I was. This is about. Had to be about four years ago, five years ago. Is the best audience, you know, sold out. And I don't want to toot my own horn, but on this particular night, doing rather well, killing it, you know, get to the height of my thing, and I'm about to go into my closing bit, and from the corner of my eye, I see this chick with her hair just kind of cocked to the side, but that look like this is going down.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, right, right. Do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at me, look at me. And so she's taking her top off and staggering on stage.

[Allison Rosen]

Cops.

[Adam Carolla]

Cops. Right at Cobbs. And at the time, there's kind of like a hippie guy who, you know, ran it. And he was like. I was like, dude, where's security?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm like. And have you ever thought people are yelling and it would go something like. And she's like, puts one foot on the stage. I said, stop, stop, stop, stop. You cannot do this. You just ruined my whole bit. And so the audience is laughing, and I think they thought it was for real. And she's like. And I was like, please take her away. Away. Take her away. And I didn't. I felt bad. I didn't tell them to, like, kill her, but I was like, she should be severely reprimanded. The weird thing was that was like on like a Thursday or Friday night, Sunday night, I swear to you, the chick was there, but she came back. You know how people come back with their sober self, right? Adam, do you remember me? I took a dump in the corner of your house in your party. Two days.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I stepped in and I was barefoot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I just wanted to let you know I'm cool now and I'm going to sit here. I'm not going to do anything.

[Allison Rosen]

I know, but I don't understand why you defecate inside of my house.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, I don't really remember, but I was told that was.

[Allison Rosen]

But that's my kids toy box.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but we're doing some DNA testing and we're going to be able to determine.

[Allison Rosen]

A lot of people took pictures here with their phones in my kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it wasn't just me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but wait, wait.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to make the pause longer. It wasn't just me, right?

[Allison Rosen]

No, you. Yes, it was.

[Adam Carolla]

It was just me.

[Allison Rosen]

It was just you. And you were asked not to do it again. And you screamed at the person and actually started. You reached around the back. Your underpants and.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do we.

[Josh Garner]

When you say kids, they're man panties.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

You can.

[Adam Carolla]

You never, like, been this, hey, girl, I'mma tear that ass up. Let me get my underpants off. Would you suck on my penis? Thank you. Can I tell you when these sexy underpants.

[Allison Rosen]

When I was at cobs and got the crazy chick who eventually got arrested.

[Adam Carolla]

What did she do?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, she did that thing where. Oh, that's a picture of her. Yeah, her and her boyfriend. I know she was. See the sleeve tattoo, though? She sent me the sober note the next day too. Like that, hey, man, this chick had.

[Adam Carolla]

A boyfriend too, man.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he was sitting there like, go, babe. Yeah, go ahead, do it. Show one of those nips.

[Allison Rosen]

This one was out in the sidewalk being tackled by police and bouncers and everything. She started with that thing where it's like. Like minute 20 of the show where it's like you're talking and for a little like kind of in the middle of your thing, but it's not really.

[Adam Carolla]

So give me some of your stuff. And I.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't seem like, oh, man. La. Right. Okay, sweet. Thanks a lot. Yeah. Anyway, we. They claimed. Ever. You guys seen the LA river? They called a river.

[Adam Carolla]

Get your hands off.

[Allison Rosen]

It starts off sort of normal, like a little, you know. And then by an hour and a half, when it's time to wrap it up, it's a little nutty, and then it's out. And then it's. I'm blocking. Then it's come running up to the dressing room and blah, blah, blah. And at a certain point, the. It was funny because Cobbs is San Francisco. So the security guards, like, I had a dude at another show at Cobbs, like, just like up on his feet, like back and forth and yelling. And eventually he had to be removed. But the security guards come in and talk to him for 20 minutes, which is even more in San Francisco. So there's like a guy coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

And going, tell them how they get there. So you're on a stage, right? Usually the security guard will come up, crossing slowly in front of you.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? Right.

[Adam Carolla]

To get to that person. They won't get off the stage. They will lean their fat ass over the stage. Hey, bro, can I give you two minutes? Can I see your eyes, please? Can I see? Maybe you want to get some herbal tea.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Josh Garner]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Eat some chocolate.

[Allison Rosen]

That'll be right. So instead of like if that, that was in Houston, the guy being a headlock and they'd be pepper spraying him and dragging him out of the thing and knocking shit over. But in San Francisco, there's a long conversation that the bouncer has with the guys drunk and on his feet and which is now fucking up your show more than the guy who was just drunk and on his feet. Because now there's a conversation going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I got in a fight. There was not me. I didn't get in a fight, but it was a brawl and it was at a club. Where was that club? It wasn't an Irvine.

[Allison Rosen]

This chick got arrested, by the way. I mean, a cop showed up tackled onto the sidewalk.

[Adam Carolla]

Really.

[Allison Rosen]

And then the boyfriend, after the chick got hauled off to the drunk tank, wanted me to sign something for her, her bail.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now, it was her dirty tampon, wasn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

Spent, we call it really, really boring.

[Adam Carolla]

I got an offer and brought Bro, bro, you change, man.

[French Stewart]

That's the admiration.

[Adam Carolla]

I tried to turn to it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh yeah. I, I, I can't figure out where the boyfriends are in this equation. At some point, she's being held down on a sidewalk by the bouncers and she's trying to bite him in the cat. And she's cute and the boyfriend's just sort of standing there and the guy's yelling at her, you know, you keep this shit up, we're calling the cops. And that, that is then met with another bite to the calf of the bouncer. And it's like the boyfriend's standing there holding her purse. I just feel like as a boyfriend you'd be like, are you fucking nuts, bitch? Are you kidding me?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold my purse, follow you. I'm gonna bite this fucking calf, right, baby.

[Allison Rosen]

Why isn't a boy you go girl? And then.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah, why isn't he either making it worse or better?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the thing is like either the boyfriend the boyfriend's job, see the be on top of the bouncer trying to choke him out or screaming at her if those cops show up. And I have to follow the cop car to the jail to then get you out instead of, you know, what about this one?

[Adam Carolla]

This is the coward's way. But it says he did come back.

[Allison Rosen]

In one More shot of Jaeger.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm out. You're on your own tonight because I'm not going to do this. This.

[Allison Rosen]

I thought he was. Well, the funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is your face, like all creased up? Like, the thing.

[Josh Garner]

That's not, man, that's just my face.

[Allison Rosen]

The thing that was funny about it is he came up to me then after she got carted off in the. With the cop car, and he came up to me and he's like, hey, man, my girlfriend just got dragged out of here for no reason at all. I mean, they just literally just jumped on her. And I was like, dude, you're talking to the guy who was up on stage while she was standing up screaming at me for 20 minutes. So you've picked the one. Like when you get home and someone says, where's Sheila? Then you can give them the story. I'm always surprised when people miss Murphy.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's Sheila's one of her flip flops and her purse.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You tell Ryan called?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Josh Garner]

I wonder if he thinks you didn't notice.

[Allison Rosen]

I never noticed.

[Josh Garner]

Like, I wonder if the boyfriend thinks that Adam wouldn't have noticed because he was doing his show.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he drunk too?

[Allison Rosen]

He was not nearly what she was. And he was holding their purse and sort of wanted to get shit signed and gave me the. She just got. And by the way, I do like that story. Like, she's just sitting there minding her own business. One of the 400 people in the tenants, some guy walked above her, pointed his finger down at her head, and next thing you know, the San Francisco PD got her in headlock.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, I gotta go. Adam, there's another hot chick I don't like. Tab, your girlfriend with really hot rack. Get her out of here.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. What? Yeah. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, wow. Wow. Well, that's crazy, man. I have been out.

[Allison Rosen]

I want to hear about the fight, though. I'm sorry. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So. So. So I think it was. I don't want to misstate this. It was either in Ontario or one of those. One of those improv start off and immediately it is a brawl. They're like three guys on this side, four guys on this side. It's like. And they just got bigger and bigger. And I was like, you know, yeah, I've been married and I just started calling the fight, right? Like there's a punch there. Okay, this side's down.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

He's coming at him, the guy in the yellow coat. So it went on and on. The bouncers, the bouncers got involved. Finally Got. They got settled down. It turns out it was a group of ex cops. Not a lot of punches were thrown, but like a traditional fight that we know of. A lot of shoving. A lot of. You stay the fuck away from my friend, man. Right? You spilled my beer. You know that kind of stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Guys get really pissed and the adrenaline hits them.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And their vocabulary gets limited about three words. Jake.

[Adam Carolla]

What is my action when I go? I will.

[Allison Rosen]

I will the out of your. You understand that right now.

[Adam Carolla]

You come.

[Allison Rosen]

Up in here and I'll the out of your. Yeah, you're the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Point. There's another guy going. Come calm down. Dude. Dude. Hey, man. Hey.

[Allison Rosen]

Bring that over there. And I'll the out of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's your nose ring?

[Allison Rosen]

It always gets a little erotic too.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll you the ass and make you like it.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll lick the back of your balls. I'll lick my wet my index finger, Rub it on my own aerial. You bring that up in here. Bring that up in your house. Hard. You better be hard. Yak that off, man. I put that chiz in a Dixie cup. Bring that up here, man. I tear that ass up, man. Dry all the way, man. No l. You understand. I'm prolaps that haters with that. I'm uncut. You ain't going to be uncut. When I'm done with your ass. I'll pound on that ass like it's a cuddle. I drive a load of smaller that back. We'll be sp it. All right. I'll that smoothing up. Got a cuddle. Watch a romcom tonight. You. You bring that up here. Hold your hand. Oh, yeah. And then we're going to take a shower together. I'll wash those balls off. Yeah, I'll loo for those balls up good. Oh, I got some action. All of her body wash. I. I jack that shaft up.

[Adam Carolla]

I lost my contact in there. Oh, boy. Oh, that was that.

[Allison Rosen]

I am so sorry. It does take a turn for the homoerotic.

[Adam Carolla]

It does. Did you see the footage of Shia LaBeouf? Is that a name?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm making my like a lot. I'm making my wife. What happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Fat guy. I don't know what happened in the bar, but comes out white guy, big huge guy. Pulls a shirt off. Rips his shirt off because, you know, it's a street fight. You got to do.

[Allison Rosen]

I like that guy. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he just had him down. The guys punching turns out guys that.

[Allison Rosen]

Look good with their shirt off are the guys who rip their shirt off faster. Than he didn't look good with the shirt off.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, he still ripped his shirt off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, anyway, he had him over, just full fledged, you know, polar bear looking. Dude just punched him like 800 times.

[Allison Rosen]

Were they going outside? Two, five?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I don't know. I just saw this little, you know, bit of footage. Shia was on the ground. The guy's punching him repeatedly. And then, of course, his friend comes up. And the best part of the video.

[Allison Rosen]

Is, bro, bro, bro, dude, dude, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta let it go.

[Allison Rosen]

See?

[Adam Carolla]

Like he punches him out.

[Josh Garner]

Watch, there's a crunch.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, there he goes. Dude, bro, bro, dude, maintain.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, Is that Shia LaBeouf? Yeah, yeah, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I always filming something these days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, but wait, there's a long footage.

[Allison Rosen]

Was there.

[Adam Carolla]

He's almost kissing him.

[Allison Rosen]

Did it take. Oh, oh, the nose too much for you?

[Adam Carolla]

I've got too much respect for you, bro.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah, the guy. Dude, bro thing. Yeah, the nose, dude, dude, maintain. You're better than that, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

You're on a mountain, man. That dude's in a valley, bro.

[Allison Rosen]

Think about Transformers 5, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me what you're gonna do.

[Allison Rosen]

Come on, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Work it out.

[Allison Rosen]

Dude, bro, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

What did we talk about in pilates today?

[Allison Rosen]

Guy, dude, bro. Listen, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. There's two of them.

[Allison Rosen]

We can't hear it, but the over under on the dudes is 126 a.

[Adam Carolla]

Lot now he has them like class.

[Allison Rosen]

Over the ears list. Dude, dude, you're up. Dude, listen, dude. That guy's nothing, dude. No, he's my agent. And there's a certain point. There's this one too. Dude, if we didn't do this Jaeger Bond, you'd be kicking the out of him right now. There's no doubt. You. You kill. You kill that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought he was going the route. I will not. I will kick your ass before I let you kick his ass.

[Josh Garner]

The guy who was talking him down, his name is Shay.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry. Can I give you a hug, dude, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Give him a hug.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that guy was not involved at all.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Sh. Give you a hug, man. Now who was?

[Allison Rosen]

The guy was. What the hell happened?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. They got, you know, something inside.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't take much if you're in a bar. See, he's punching.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the guy beat him up. Was drunk too, because he.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't beat him. He did punch him. But if you noticed, Adam, he does a punch and then a back punch. Slap.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And then he stumbled out of the frame. All right. Wow. You don't want to.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't want to go out like that.

[Josh Garner]

So the man who tried to calm down Shia LaBeouf, moments after the beatdown in Vancouver last week.

[Allison Rosen]

I was in Vancouver.

[Josh Garner]

Tells TMZ the actor threatened to pull a knife on him in the wake of the fight, but he never actually flashed a blade. TMZ spoke with Shay Carter, the man who restrained Shia after the fight. No. Who tells us he noticed the actor single.

[French Stewart]

Maybe it's the news itself. Maybe it's information.

[Allison Rosen]

Just keep going, Al.

[Josh Garner]

Sorry. Don't tell.

[Allison Rosen]

Be a professional. You know what I'm saying?

[Josh Garner]

He noticed the actor inside the cinema Public house before the melee. Carter says the book had been drunkenly swaying into several patrons, including one man who calmly warned Shia. Hey, man, watch out.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, Watch out for what? What did he do? He was just drunk.

[Josh Garner]

He was drunkenly swaying into patrons.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, swaying into people.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah. Carter says Shay. Shia replied. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Or what? They're right. Shara. She said Shara, though. You guys heard her, right?

[Allison Rosen]

She liked him better when he was asleep. Just continue.

[Josh Garner]

Carter says Shia replied, no, he said it was Shara.

[Allison Rosen]

Go back to sleep, dad. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you spell Shara? C H E R A share.

[Allison Rosen]

Ah, you're gonna learn to hate Dag too. He has issues with ladies.

[Josh Garner]

Shia replied, oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's shy because it was share a minute ago. Maybe. Hey, maybe.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, Azza. Maybe you want to share the rest of the story.

[French Stewart]

That was pretty funny.

[Allison Rosen]

That was pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Really, dude? Come on.

[Josh Garner]

Now I feel all Shia.

[Adam Carolla]

That was.

[Josh Garner]

Oh, yeah. Or what? I went there.

[Adam Carolla]

Snap.

[Josh Garner]

Oh, yeah. Or what? What are you going to do about it? That's when the two decided to take things outside, and the guy beat Shia down to the ground. Yes, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Shia LaBeouf is a very big star. He should not be drinking alone. I mean, he's worth millions of dollars, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, last time I saw Shia LaBeouf, I was at the good neighbor restaurant in North Hollywood, Studio City. It's a place that is. It's a greasy spoon. I mean, it's a good greasy spoon, but, I mean, it's, you know, 3.99 eggs, and he was just walking in there. So he is. He's not hanging out at the Viper Room all the time, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but still, he should have just a couple of guys.

[Allison Rosen]

He needs a big black.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not big black.

[Allison Rosen]

Guys.

[Josh Garner]

Friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but. But.

[Allison Rosen]

But that whole situation the sh. Sh. Knight's cousin would have handled that whole. The guy should have never come up on him and got near him.

[Adam Carolla]

A funny man, half dressed. Half dressed hair, white man. Can talk for me, please?

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Can I talk?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's right. You don't want to roll with that posse, but you have to. You're Shia LaBeouf.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think, though? I mean, somebody to protect him and, you know, get him out there and say, hey, man, let's not do this.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll tell you the other problem. There's a couple problems. One is a lot of these actors, they get with, you know, this syndrome day.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Allison Rosen]

They. They do an action movie or two where they have to get with a personal trainer and they have to get into shape and all that kind of stuff. The next thing you know, the guy's doing some kind of cardio boxing. And the trainer, who's getting paid by the studio a couple hundred bucks an hour, is always feeding him shit. Like, hey, man, you could know shit. You could have been a professional fighter. You know what I mean? You got the fucking tools.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, my first trainer was better.

[Allison Rosen]

You got tools? I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

You stop for a sec? Can you stop for a second? Do what you just did right there. And could you punch again? Stop right there. You could be a professional boxer, man. Can I. Hold on. I'm not going to charge you for this because I got to say this, and this is real. Can you guys hold off minute? You could be a professional boxer, right?

[Allison Rosen]

That's what they do.

[Adam Carolla]

No, do you want to do this? I need to know. Do you want to do this or do you just want to train like the rest of these actors? Because what I just saw there. What I just saw there. What I just saw there is real, okay? This is real shit. I'm talking. I need to. Yeah, right, right. I want to do it.

[Allison Rosen]

So they get it. They get a little of that going and they. They. You know, they get a little fancy in the gym. The guy feeds him full of whatever. The next thing you know, the. They start buying their own shit. Then they're at a bar, a few drinks. But it's funny, I just got back from Vancouver and announced that people were the nicest people in the world, but evidently he ran into. So he goes out in the street with the dude, and before, you know, he's on his back just getting the ground and pound.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not. That's not. Yeah, that's another thing, man. That's another Reason why? First of all, there's several reasons. I'm just too old. You should never, at any point in your life, Bro, bro, step outside, okay? No, no, never. Don't do that. That's. That's wrong. Number one. Number two, there are. It's. It's beyond boxing there. You can't tell by looking at a dude what he's capable of now. You can't. I mean, anybody can know anything, right? And all that MMA shit.

[Allison Rosen]

No, right? And besides, you can get whacked once. Hit your head on a meter, parking meter or something. I mean, there's. There's way too many fucking sharp objects out there.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy, there's 23 year old basketball player, black basketball player, in, I don't know, Albania or something. No, but he was. The story is he was kidding around, you know, they'd won this game, European basketball. He puts his hat on this girl. The guy, Albanian or Croatian dude gets pissed, punches him, knocks the dude down. Six, five, six, whatever, Hits his head, he's dead, right? Swelling, three heart attacks. Boom. Dead.

[Allison Rosen]

How so?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you don't want it. It's not like the movies, brother. There's no joke. There's no joke.

[Allison Rosen]

Not out on the streets.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you tell that to that drunk lady that was, you know, hooping and hollering, trying to bite the guy's neck. Honey, you could bang a titty and swell and die.

[Allison Rosen]

First thing she did was almost get hit by bus, like staggering out in the street. You know how cobs is right on the street there and it's kind of on a busy street and she and her boyfriend was right there, did the. Get away from me and she starts pushing out in the street and I was clipped by a buzz.

[Adam Carolla]

She's cool, bro. Can you sign my wrist?

[Allison Rosen]

But she later on sent a picture and I forget.

[Adam Carolla]

She sent a picture of her what, vomiting.

[Allison Rosen]

She sent it. She heard us talking about it the next time and she was like, I got drunk, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

But you said it was written in her own excrement, which is not cool.

[Allison Rosen]

It was. Sorry fucker on a minute she had.

[Josh Garner]

Here's what I want to know. You know drunk people who, when they are people who when they get drunk all of a sudden have new personalities, such as they' angry or they're really crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Shia becomes Sherry.

[Josh Garner]

Yes. Can you tell when are there tells that that's the kind of drunk they're gonna be?

[Allison Rosen]

I told you. And it may be in my book. I can't remember if it's in my book or not. I think it is Mike Lynch. You can tell me. I'm pretty sure I've said it before. When my kid, you know, I got twins. When on their 16th birthday. I'm taking them to the park and I'm bringing a 12 pack of Mickey's Big Mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

You're just gonna do a check, check.

[Allison Rosen]

And we're gonna get drunk. And if my son, you know, after six pack goes, man, I really want to go to Tommy's to get a chili burger, but I'm too fucked up to drive. Here's the keys. Can you drive? I'm gonna go, he's fine. Like that's a, that's a good drunk. But if he rips his fucking shirt off and goes, come on, old man, you want breakfast?

[Adam Carolla]

What if your daughter doesn't do that? She's just in the corner going, I'm moving to Paris. I'm moving to Paris, daddy, I'm moving to Paris. You know, cuz that's another thing where.

[Allison Rosen]

The worst is, worst is someone's been working out. Your daughter does that. I put her in a cage in a basement.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, I, I, actually there was a girl I dated for a bit. Let me just tell you this, this is what happened the first time, okay? So go out, you know, we, we, we had a couple drinks, you know, went back to my place, you know, had a few drinks. Boom, boom, Everything went down. She wake up, wakes up the next morning, what happened? I'm like, you're crazy. You're so funny. Here's your clothes, let's hang out again. And then she goes, seriously, what happened? I'm like, okay, you were on top of my table in the living room and you took your clothes off. Then we made it to the shit went down. She had no memory, really. Okay. So I thought she was bullshitting.

[Allison Rosen]

So she doesn't even remember being raped?

[Adam Carolla]

She didn't know. I thought she was supposed to, but what I'm saying is there was no sign. It was like, I go, you know, after the third time we went out, this happened. I'm like, okay, tell me your last memory. Oh, we're at this, you know, we were at the, you know, we're at this place, we were having a couple drinks and I was like, hey, why don't we go to your place for a drink? I'm like, okay, that was 10pm him, right? She did not slur her voice. She did not exhibit.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you don't know.

[Josh Garner]

Any signs of being a pathological liar or blackout.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, there and then Dag pulled his Black out. No, it was not like that. Cuz what I did black out comes my black. And it goes, hey, sorry, can you hear me? Hey.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, it's going.

[Allison Rosen]

No like that.

[Adam Carolla]

But no, but I mean it was like wow. But I, I bring it up because it wasn't me. This wasn't me. This wasn't me. No, something's in front of mine. I bring it up because in that instance when there is no really no sign you're talking to somebody, you have.

[Allison Rosen]

A couple drinks, I wonder, bam. I wonder with women. I mean, this could be blacking out. It probably is. But on the other hand, some of it is convenient because I think there's a lot of chicks who love like to like to sleep with you but don't want to be the chick that sleeps with you on the first date.

[Adam Carolla]

First date, right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

So it was more than that too. It was wild. Got really crazy.

[Josh Garner]

It was more than just sleeping with you on the first date.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but she was, she was, it was wild. Again, when a woman's unconscious, you can do almost anything you want with her. So the point is, you better fucking do this.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, all right, hold on, I'll go to. I'm going to the garage. I'll be right back.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, okay, I got it. I gotta find it though. I gotta find it. Give me a break. I don't have batteries. But hold up, hold up. I'm going to Home Depot.

[Allison Rosen]

Get over there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she was telling me, I was like, okay, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

She went like a tulip bulb up her ass.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't tell you exactly, but it was, she was very involved. She was like, let's get this party started. I'm like, okay.

[Josh Garner]

And you had to go to Home Depot.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm exaggerating cuz I'm a comic, dang.

[Allison Rosen]

But deals with what you call damage goods.

[Adam Carolla]

That was before. That was before.

[Allison Rosen]

Before what?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I have my darling daughter and I don't, you know, I, I.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you still attracted to the, the nutty damage France?

[Adam Carolla]

I am, but I don't act on it. I don't, I don't. I can act on it if I'm out of town or something, but I can't like have them hanging around. You know what I mean? I can't. I act on it a little bit, but a little bit. What? I'm human?

[Allison Rosen]

Come on, damn it.

[Josh Garner]

Can you be attracted to non damage?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably not. I don't think so. Yeah, maybe. I think I do, but then it's like, and then my second stepdad killed my mom's best friend.

[Josh Garner]

And that turns you on?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it just. That's like. It always happens. Like we're already hitting it. I'm like, what, again? Yeah, it just comes up. Did I tell you this? Or they go, I didn't tell you this? No, you didn't tell me this. What.

[Allison Rosen]

But what do you think the. What's the common denominator in this scenario?

[Adam Carolla]

Broken TV talk.

[Allison Rosen]

You spoke to a therapist of this? Eventually, one's gotta find a mirror.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, of course. Of course. But he was like, go. The best guy said, look, I'm gonna give it to you straight. You're getting older. Now. You can keep dating these nutty broads, but you're gonna go in a room, you gotta pick a boy. It's gonna feel terrible. You're gonna be bored, and it's gonna feel uncomfortable. But that's a person. That's healthy for you.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Or you can keep dating these nutjobs. But I'll be seeing you again.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah. So that's what it is.

[Allison Rosen]

So be seeing you again.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I've tried. I mean, I've tried. I've tried to, you know, do the right thing. And you have to go against.

[Josh Garner]

Yeah, it's really hard, right? It's hard to make your. If there's a certain type of person you always like, and that always ends poorly, and then you decide, okay, so I'm gonna do the complete opposite thing. That is a hard, uncomfortable thing. Especially when dating. It should feel instinctual.

[Adam Carolla]

You're in a crowded room. Room. You're in a bar at a performance. You meet someone. Oh, I'm attracted to her. Let's go out for drinks. Give me your number. And it all there. It's all there. I mean, at this point, I'm kind of bored with that whole thing. I don't have time like I used to. But. Yeah, it's just the way it is, man. I mean, I'm like, oh, I found a goal. Tell me about your family. Well. And it just all unfolds, and I'm.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, fuck, yeah, again.

[Josh Garner]

So for you, it's like, if you are attracted to that person, you should not go out.

[Adam Carolla]

Nine times out of 10, it's gonna be like the same shit, you know, damaged goods, like, fucked up, you know, crazy family and all that kind of shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's a lot of. What's your dad do? I never knew my dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Is he alive? I hope not.

[Adam Carolla]

You Know, well, if he is, if I see him, I'm gonna stab him.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. At some point, Florida gets woven in. Well, that's where he lived.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do you want to stab him again? Because the first time, I didn't kill him. All right? But I'm cool now. If I don't. I don't even need my meds. You know why? Cuz now I have you. That's the scariest. Have you ever heard of that? I'm just going to stop my meds. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Or there's one chick who want what the loins want, Dag.

[Adam Carolla]

They do. But the one chick was crazy. Then she went on meds, and I was like, can we just stop the meds for, like, six weeks?

[Allison Rosen]

We're slowing things up a little in the bedroom. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Leaving the death row. Can I prolapse your anus?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm going to be doing a little comedy in Philadelphia at the Keswick Theater. Coming up on December 1st in Detroit, the Royal Royal Oak Theater.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's actually Royal Oak, but I know that theater well.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, nice. Chicago Park West. Been there a couple times. Denver, Paramount Theater coming up, all early December. Dag's going to be doing his thing at Irvine. Allison. Don't do much. Yeah. Thank you. October 27th through the 30th and November 3rd through the 6th at Cobbs. The aforementioned Cobbs. You want to drive out from LA and support Dag at Cobbs, you take the all new Nissan versus sedan.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, that is a beautiful segue.

[Allison Rosen]

Get there in a tank of gas and plenty of time. Plenty of gas left to follow Dag back to his hotel. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

With the kids.

[Allison Rosen]

Go Alex Trebek on his ass, starting under $11,000. Unbelievable innovation for all. That's the Nissan new Nissan Versa sedan. Love that thing. Drove it around here for a week or so. Great car. Most legroom, most headroom, trunk space, technology per dollar of any car in America. Find out more about Mi Versa Road Trip, and the all new Nissan Versa Sedan. I think you get a chance, by the way. And you go to myvsaroadtrip.com I think you're gonna get a chance to win one of these bad boys. That's right, you can win one. And that means for free and yours to keep. Myvrsaroadtrip.com you could. I was gonna say walk away with one of these babies, but why would you walk when you can drive? That's good stuff, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Call yourself shy if it's shared.

[Allison Rosen]

And you can email us Questions@questions AdamCorola.com Questions Adam, Carolla.com we need your questions. So until next time, we're gonna take some questions. Save some babies for Paul Bryan and Shia Lablaque. Allison Rosen saying mahalo.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you suck on my penis? Thank you.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Kroll show 683. That does it for today's Crawl classics. Until next time, Mahal and get it on.