Gavin Newsom spends funds on statue + Comedian Kellen Erskine

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode Summary: Gavin Newsom’s Statue and Comedian Kellen Erskine

Release Date: March 13, 2025

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla engages in a lively and unfiltered conversation with comedian Kellen Erskine. The duo delves into a variety of topics, ranging from the absurdities of venue naming conventions to the contentious issues surrounding homelessness and political figures like California Governor Gavin Newsom. Additionally, the show touches on societal behaviors related to pet ownership in public spaces and critiques modern financial advice aimed at low-income individuals.

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1. The Absurdity of Venue Naming

Discussion Highlights: Adam and Kellen kick off their conversation by lamenting the often ironic and convoluted names of comedy clubs and theaters. They express frustration with establishments that choose overly simplistic or misleading names, making it difficult for comedians to navigate bookings and for audiences to take the venues seriously.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [03:05]: "I don't like it when a comedy club doesn't try and be funny."
• Kellen Erskine [05:14]: "It's the only reason I want to graduate to theaters is so I can just play something."

Key Points:

• The challenge comedians face when venues have non-descriptive names.
• The overcompensation seen in upscale venues versus the lack of creativity in less prestigious ones.
• The inefficiency and confusion caused by poorly named establishments.

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2. Dogs in Public Spaces: A Frustration

Discussion Highlights: The conversation shifts to the frustrations of encountering aggressive dogs in public places like restaurants and airports. Adam passionately argues against bringing dogs to such venues unless they are legitimate service animals, criticizing the societal norms that overly prioritize pet companionship over public comfort and safety.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [15:57]: "Leave your fucking dogs at home. Just leave them at home."
• Kellen Erskine [18:40]: "That's what a dog restaurant would be, just smaller dogs."

Key Points:

• The prevalence of dogs in inappropriate settings leading to conflicts and discomfort.
• The distinction between service animals and pets, and the misuse of comfort animal classifications.
• The societal expectation to tolerate pets in public spaces, often at the expense of others' experiences.

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3. The Lottery and Financial Advice Critique

Discussion Highlights: Adam and Kellen critique the California Lottery's impact on low-income communities, highlighting how it preys on individuals who can least afford it. They also discuss a Chase Bank tweet advising customers to save money by cutting unnecessary expenses, which received backlash from politicians like Katie Porter for being condescending.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [42:04]: "I do not fucking believe you. And I say the same thing about the women's groups..."
• Kellen Erskine [50:35]: "If she really was an advocate of the poor, she would be saying, that's probably a good idea."

Key Points:

• The Lottery as a regressive revenue system targeting the economically disadvantaged.
• The ineffectiveness and patronizing nature of financial advice aimed at poor individuals.
• Political backlash against corporate messages that fail to address systemic issues.

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4. Homelessness and Governor Gavin Newsom’s Policies

Discussion Highlights: A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to critiquing Governor Gavin Newsom's handling of homelessness in California. Adam expresses skepticism about Newsom's initiatives, accusing him of misrepresenting the causes of homelessness and failing to implement effective solutions. Additionally, Adam takes aim at Newsom's self-aggrandizing efforts, such as funding his own monument.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [98:28]: "I know, there’s homeless stuff with me, I mean, how could you possibly deal with somebody like Gavin Newsom..."
• Gavin Newsom [105:18]: "But what about the picture of real homelessness, which is a poor mom with two kids..."

Key Points:

• The perceived disconnect between Newsom’s policies and the reality of homelessness.
• Criticism of Newsom's personal branding efforts, including the funding of his own statue.
• The debate over the true causes of homelessness, with Adam attributing it to drug addiction and mental health issues rather than economic factors.

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5. Incident in the House Subcommittee Meeting

Discussion Highlights: The show recounts a contentious moment from a House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee meeting involving Representative Sarah McBride, the first transgender congresswoman. Adam critiques the decorum displayed during the meeting, highlighting the misgendering and ensuing confrontation.

Notable Quotes:

• Unknown Speaker [82:35]: "I now recognize the representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride."
• Adam Carolla [84:07]: "Here we go now. Let's do this."

Key Points:

• The lack of proper recognition and respect for transgender individuals in political settings.
• The tension arising from intentional or unintentional misgendering of Sarah McBride.
• Adam’s disdain for the lack of professionalism and empathy in political discourse.

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6. Critique of Children’s Literature

Discussion Highlights: Adam and Kellen briefly discuss the problematic nature of certain children’s books, such as "Where the Wild Things Are" and "Goodnight Moon." They argue that these books send confusing and unsettling messages to children, contrasting the intended innocence with deeper, darker undertones.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [76:40]: "What message? What message is this?"
• Kellen Erskine [77:43]: "It's the creepiest. Good night, son."

Key Points:

• The discrepancy between the perceived educational value of children’s literature and the unsettling themes they sometimes present.
• The psychological impact of ambiguous or dark narratives on young audiences.
• The broader implication of societal messaging through media consumed by children.

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7. Gavin Newsom’s Self-Funded Monument and Podcast

Discussion Highlights: Towards the end of the episode, Adam delves deeper into Governor Newsom’s recent endeavors, including the construction of a self-funded monument and the launch of his podcast aimed at image rehabilitation. Adam mocks these efforts, suggesting they are superficial attempts to mask deeper policy failures.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [93:19]: "Have you seen his new podcast Pretending to Be Normal with Gavin Newsom?"
• Adam Carolla [95:14]: "I'm gonna say $41,000."

Key Points:

• Scrutiny of Newsom’s resources and motivations behind funding his own monument.
• The ineffectiveness of Newsom’s podcast in addressing and rectifying public perception.
• The ongoing debate about the authenticity and accountability of political figures in managing public issues.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Adam Carolla and Kellen Erskine offer a raw and unfiltered examination of various societal and political issues. From the trivial frustrations of poorly named venues to the profound challenges of homelessness and political integrity, the conversation underscores Carolla’s signature blend of humor, criticism, and candidness. Listeners are left with a clear perspective on the hosts' viewpoints, supported by sharp commentary and memorable quotes.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Adam Carolla [03:05]: "I don't like it when a comedy club doesn't try and be funny."
• Kellen Erskine [05:14]: "It's the only reason I want to graduate to theaters is so I can just play something."
• Adam Carolla [15:57]: "Leave your fucking dogs at home. Just leave them at home."
• Kellen Erskine [18:40]: "That's what a dog restaurant would be, just smaller dogs."
• Adam Carolla [42:04]: "I do not fucking believe you. And I say the same thing about the women's groups..."
• Kellen Erskine [50:35]: "If she really was an advocate of the poor, she would be saying, that's probably a good idea."
• Adam Carolla [98:28]: "I know, there’s homeless stuff with me, I mean, how could you possibly deal with somebody like Gavin Newsom..."
• Gavin Newsom [105:18]: "But what about the picture of real homelessness, which is a poor mom with two kids..."
• Adam Carolla [84:07]: "Here we go now. Let's do this."

This structured summary encapsulates the key discussions and insights from the episode, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened while maintaining the essence and tone of the original conversation.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Dawson]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Kellen Erkskine. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now his mom wasn't a trad wife. She was more of a tarred wife. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the church of Government and get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling us forever. Love that about you. Good to see you, Kellen. Thanks for coming by.

[Kellen Erskine]

Good to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

The podcast called the Book Pile Podcast and Kellen's on tour as well, doing shows all over this man's state and country all through March, all through April. So you can go to Kellen and then I will spell the last name just so. Just so you got it. E R S k I n e.com for all the live shows.

[Kellen Erskine]

That's it. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How's it going? How are. How's the. You're playing a place in Pittsburgh called the Sunken Bus.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good name.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's a great name. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what it means.

[Kellen Erskine]

I don't either. But I like it when a comedy club doesn't try and be funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you. I'm with you. That's why my favorite rapper's name, Common, he's not, you know, like, Cedric the Entertainer is a little lofty, you know, and then there's all like, we the best, and he the best and everything. And then there's Common.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, I let my work speak for me, but, you know, common sense.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That was the reason even that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, if I name myself Horse Sense, we will go. But what I'm saying is, yeah, I don't like it. I don't like the black names. Or it means Queen of Nubia. You know what I mean? And she's working at McDonald's. Like, it's just straight name, straight name. And then we'll let your performance do.

[Kellen Erskine]

The talk, and we know what the venue is. Yeah. I love it when you can tell. People had, like, I have an idea for a comedy. People have never worked in it before, and they're like, we'll call it the Whoopee Cushion Banana Bone.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Also, they don't.

[Kellen Erskine]

As if anyone has made a decision to go to a location because the name was so hilarious. Like, I was on the fence about.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It, but Chuckle Hut sounds awesome to me.

[Adam Carolla]

But they don't realize how difficult it is for the comedian, because then the comedian has to answer. Like, someone will go, you want to come by this weekend? They go, no, I'm going to be out of town. And then you go, where are you going to be? And you go, magoobies joke.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's the only reason I want to graduate to theaters is so I can just play something.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm at the Belmont, you know, they just give it a name. They just. They just give it a name for sure.

[Kellen Erskine]

The Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. Like, the manager in charge is never, like, I think we need to rebrand it to something more slapstick. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It. You. You get. It's. It's almost like it's the Golden Gaffe. The clubs are trying to shame you into theaters. It's why I don't want junior college called community college. There's no shame in it. It sounds noble. I'm trying to shame you into a four year university by calling it junior college.

[Kellen Erskine]

The worst apartment complexes have the right idea when it comes to marketing. I worked, I installed basically water softeners for 15 years. And it was always places in the worst parts of town. Complex two stories, no balconies, but the fake facades of the guardrails out front and people's barbecues, you know, on the grass. And it would be called like Cedar Heights.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. No, no. Okay, I got thoughts. I got thoughts. Yes. First things first. Somebody decided in 1961 that you had to christen apartment buildings like there were boats. I don't know why. You don't have to name your house. You don't name your house. Dawson. What's your house's name? No name. Get on it, bro. Cause how do I know where I'm going? You know what I mean? Like you don't now, once in a while.

[Dawson]

Actually, my house does have a name.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew you'd say that, Dawson. Everyone knows you're just disagreeing with me. Your house doesn't have a name.

[Dawson]

No, it does. It's called the no Hoasus.

[Adam Carolla]

No Ho.

[Dawson]

Yeah, ask any of my friends. And it's in the territory of Dos Angeles, California. That was an expert point shooting right there, by the way. Go on.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, that's near Dudzeldorf.

[Dawson]

Yeah, right around the corner.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, where was your two places? Dudseldorf and.

[Dawson]

Lederhosen was.

[Adam Carolla]

Lederhosen was. What you'd wear was.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right, let's. Let's get back. Does this sound okay? My mic sound all right?

[Dawson]

When you're closer to it, it does, but yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, don't put it on me. Don't put it on me.

[Dawson]

Well, it sounds awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm on it right now.

[Dawson]

I know. Here's the thing. That room sometimes is boomy and I have to adjust other people's microphones if they're catching you. That's what.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right. It's a little different.

[Dawson]

We'll get there.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I'm saying. Yes. The apartment buildings in the San Fernando Valley, the shittiest part of the San Fernando Valley, have a name like Polynesian paradise up front. But out front, just a bunch of Mexicans walking in a circle looking for a place to die and shit. If there is a balcony, shit on the balcony. Boy. You can tell a lot about what's going on inside the unit by what's on the balcony? The saddest tableau is the kids toys stuffed out on the balcony. Just shit. The towel. Beach towel hanging over the top. When you see a ton of shit on that balcony, that's a bad sign. But yes, we christened these apartments. And by the way, the really nice ones have names that are not nearly as grand as the shitty ones. Because they're overcompensated.

[Kellen Erskine]

No, they're like, coy about it. Yeah, it'll just be like the Orange Street.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they'll name it after you. Want to play the Will Turn Theater. I played the Will Turn Theater. Know where it got the name? It's on the corner of Wilshire and Western Wiltern. Easy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not trying. They just want. What should we name the theater? Well, about the Comedy Palace. How about we just. The street there, just go after that with a Wilter.

[Kellen Erskine]

And so comedy clubs need to get on board with it and maybe a place. Yeah, like, you know, you said the Chuckle Hut could rebrand to something like Madison Square Garden, but there's like a silent E at the end of Garden.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or just like a round garden or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I just moved out of a chirping fire alarm Garden.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's so you could be. So if someone said, well, I live in an apartment out in la. Well, it's in Hawaiian Gardens and it's the Grand Polynesian. Like, you go, wow, did Elvis film movies there. And then you'd show up and it'd be a shitbox. So you're right. We need good names or no names. I don't feel like you need to name your apartment. You have an address.

[Kellen Erskine]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

You look for the address. Like you tell the guy who's dropping off the grubhub guy. You don't tell him the name of the place. You give him the address. Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's overcompensation.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So they're gonna be at the Sunken Bus then?

[Kellen Erskine]

Sunken Bus, Yeah. There we go. They're already playing at miles.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanna know what the Sunken Bus looks like. Because what they're doing is they're giving it. Better not be at a strip mall, because I'm picturing something interesting.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah, I don't know either. It looks on the outside like an old warehouse. I think it's run by comics, but I think it's comedy and marketing is so important. Have you heard of the don't tell shows?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think I've done one.

[Kellen Erskine]

They're great shows and they're Only there, but they play sometimes in places that would seem like a subpar venue, like the backyard of a hostel. I played one time in central Louisiana, but the crowds that come out are so energized because the way it's marketed, it makes it feel like you're all in on this secret. No one else knows about the show except the 7,000 people on the email list.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But this looks like a Mormon church to me.

[Kellen Erskine]

Oh, yeah. Oh, is this the sunken bus?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm hoping it is. I played the Don't Ask, don't tell for a bunch of gay marines in the 90s.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a different gig. Yes. Looks got a vaulted ceiling.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Looks like a nice room. Still don't know where it got the name.

[Kellen Erskine]

I like that it's not themed to the name. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me ask you guys a question. Somebody tweeted me a video of dogs fighting yesterday, and I just, like, retweeted it and it got a lot of traction and a lot of people were weighing in with lots of opinions. We as a culture have tons of opinions on dogs, which is a weird thing. Our opinions on dogs should be limited, but we have doggy daycare and sweater. I would say many folks who live in Los Angeles have spent much more on their dog's wardrobe than my parents spent on their children's wardrobe. From zero to the time we left after high school. I would say it's a safe bet.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dogs fucking hate clothes.

[Adam Carolla]

I know personally, I spent more on two of my dogs than with the vet bills. One would just eat a brick of fudge in the middle of the night and go into a seizure and stuff. Like, I spent way more on my dog than my parents spent on me or my sister. And if you go, oh, get the fuck out. No, no, it's easy. No braces, no college fun, no car, no transportation, no prom bids, no letterman jacket. I mean, you're really just talking about top ramen at this point and tough skins. Like, I spent way more on my dog easily.

[Kellen Erskine]

Oh, yeah. I mean, there's a whole the aisle of food at Target. Have you ever been tricked where you look into. Because they have now, like, refrigerated doors and you look in and you get tricked by some ice cream that looks good and then you've seen the fine print pieces of it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's dog treats in the next room that I almost helped myself to yesterday because I just picked up the package and started was starting to reach in. Think it was, you know, trail mix or something.

[Kellen Erskine]

I don't know why they make it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Look trail mix was for dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Shit. Yeah. When trail mix tastes like giblets, that's your jerky.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was delightful.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this is a restaurant, and it looks to be out on the patio. The patio looks enclosed or something. But they're out on the patio, and a melee breaks out with dogs. And I think a pit bull takes a lap dog. Here it is. I do like women who just scream and sort of exacerbate this. Oh, my God. It's a. It's a pit bull that's got a little pup or lap dog, and it's jowls and it's coming down, and everyone's just kicking the pit bull and everyone's screaming. And then there's always dumb chicks making stupid comments. What's going on? Why is he. What's with the happen with the dog?

[Kellen Erskine]

Why isn't he more polite?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh. Oh. I like. I love the. The visceral, emotional commoners of life. You just go, oh, what is happening?

[Kellen Erskine]

All right, well, I hate that we've bred dogs for, you know, 20,000 years to be things that they're not supposed to be, and then we're surprised when they're not friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, okay. Right. So people are, like, commenting, you know, like, what is that pit bull doing? Or the person with that pit bull should have had a muzzle. And I was like. Or people stop bringing their fucking dogs to restaurants. Is that an option? Is there an option? How is it that I sailed through my entire life nary a dog in a restaurant or an airplane or an airport or anywhere? Anywhere. There was no dogs. There was, like, one guy with a seeing eye dog. And listen, my thing with the seeing eye. Look, if your dog doesn't have a handle on it, then it's out if it's got 12 foot a leash. That's not a. That's not your service dog. Can't be 14ft in front of you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You just gotta be on a handle. The blind guys had a big handle on the dog, and they walked right next to the dog because the dog did something.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's enough.

[Kellen Erskine]

You shouldn't have to guess what service the animal provides.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And you're on your third mimosa and the dog's licking its balls over by my table. I'm guessing it's not performing a big service in your life at this point.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, who else is gonna eat all the little dogs?

[Adam Carolla]

Leave your fucking dogs at home. Just leave them the fuck at home. I Get it? You like your dog. I like my dog. Everyone likes their dog. I love my dog.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dog is a home.

[Adam Carolla]

I do not bring my dog on flights. Sure I don't, because I don't really need it. And there's other people on the plane, and that's the whole thing. You don't need your dog when you're eating. Look, we have dogs that come into work here on occasion, and that's fine. People enjoy them and people have reasons why sometimes they can't. Whoever's out and they got to walk their dog or whatever, it's fine. Bring your dog. That's fine. But also a couple things. There needs to be an agreement, like, I'm bringing my dog to work. And then the boss goes, yeah, fine, bring your dog. And then who cares? Do not bring your fucking dog to the restaurant. Just don't do it. And by the way, people are talking about the pit bull.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, bitch, don't bring your lap dog and it won't get eaten by pit bull. Guess who else is trying to eat here? Human beings.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Pit bulls and human beings are trying to eat under the same room. Just leave your fucking dog at home. Narcissist assholes. And by the way, can we start judging and. Or enforcing. Yeah, the people who run the restaurant. Just go. Get the fuck out of here with their dog. Or I'll tell you what, Sit in the parking lot with your dog. We'll bring you the food.

[Kellen Erskine]

Sure, have that. And that's. That's what bothers me about comfort animals. Is there maybe 8% of everyone who uses it actually needs it. And the rest of them.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's zero percent. It's zero. You don't need a comfort. Look, if you can't fly without your dog, then you have a serious mental condition and you. It needs to be looked at by professionals. Your dog is not gonna. Whatever it is there. Really? We invented comfort dog. It doesn't exist. Really. It's not a category that it doesn't exist. It's like chronic fatigue syndrome. That's just for depressed people. You're fucking depressed. That's why it's called depression. That's why you're fatigued chronically. If you fucking won the lottery, you wouldn't be too fatigued to celebrate.

[Kellen Erskine]

I love it too, when people. People have like two or three comfort animals, and it's like, how many do. So each of them only provides 30. Comfort. It really is. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you met my comfort menagerie? I have a Noah's ark of Comfort. I'm backing it up to the restaurant. Keep your fucking dogs at home, everyone. Narcissists, keep them at home. I've been saying this for a thousand years. And everyone's like, oh, leave alone. You know, whatever. Keep your fucking dogs at home. Do not bring them to the airport and certainly don't bring them to the restaurant. And whoever got your fucking dog eaten by a pit bull, well, shit happens. Bitch, leave the fucking dog at home. Next time. I have no sympathy for you.

[Kellen Erskine]

That's what a dog restaurant would be, is just smaller dogs. Yes, that's what they would be serving.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we call it cocktail weenies or something. We give it a good name. Cocktails McGoobies, Joe Weenie. All right, so we can all agree that while we're angry at the pit bull, the pit bull's just doing what pit bulls do, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you bring them into some weird environment and you tell them to mind their p's and q's while you watch us eat and drink for an hour and a half. That's a tall order for a pit bull. You know what I mean? Pit bulls are pit bulls.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's like, yeah, well, yeah. And their smell, their sense of smell is 9,000 times out of a human. So to bring in a place where you're blowing food in their face and you're like, be quiet. It's like when. It's like when a bachelorette party shows up at a come, like, maybe you just shouldn't even be here.

[Adam Carolla]

Why are you here? Yeah, you're 23, you're drunk, you're unfunny, and you're super talkative and loud. And yeah, you take a pit bull and you just waft in quesadilla smell into its nose for half hour and the fucking thing starts freaking out a little bit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Chihuahua. Make direct eye contact with them.

[Adam Carolla]

Sitting there smelling a quesadilla with steak in it and it's looking at a schnauzer. You know, it's going, where's that? What's going on around here?

[Kellen Erskine]

It's going to just into that rotisserie chicken.

[Adam Carolla]

Why am I.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That little guy's eating all the food.

[Adam Carolla]

I need to eat him.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the owner's fault. It's a owner's fault. Stop bringing your dogs places, everyone. And you really don't need your dog to eat. You need your dog to hunt. That's it. It's only hunting dogs.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And to protect you from wild animals.

[Adam Carolla]

Only want hunting dogs and seeing eyed Dogs with handles. That's it. No more. Your fucking dogs weak brains. Keep them at home. And I get it, by the way. Everyone knows what they're doing. They just want their dog with them. They're not providing a service. The service is, I want my dog with me. Which is cool. Like, I want my dog with me, too, sure. But I'm not an insane narcissist.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's a disservice animal to everyone else.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. It's a service to you and a disservice to everyone else. I was at. I don't know, Dawson. You never see. Remember those pictures I took at LAX where a dog squirted diarrhea for about 30ft? Right? It just squirted diarrhea for 30ft. The bitch with the dog. The bitch with the dog is just walking ahead and the dog's laying down an oil slick like James Bond. You know what I mean? Like in his DB5, you know, there's Goldfingers behind him. He pushes the trigger, you know? And I'm standing, I'm walking behind. I'm turning the corner, things going around the corner. I'm going, what the fuck is going. I'm seeing stewardess with the wheelie. Luggage go right through the fucking shit stream. Nobody. Everyone's on their phone and walking real fast. And I'm looking at all. You know, I have hyper vigilance. So I'm looking at all the shit on the ground going, what the fuck? And everyone's just plowing. Everyone's just trucking, right? Stepping in it. And the floor shines. It's like. It's. And then some poor, fat Mexican lady who works at the airport has to come in behind the rich, white, entitled chick and clean up her fucking dog shit.

[Kellen Erskine]

Scoop up all the comfort. Diarrhea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, zoom in a little here. I got multiple pictures here. This is right in the middle lax, right in the middle of a busy terminal. And this guy fired shit. 4 foot long as shit. And look ahead. If you look ahead 10ft, there's more shit on the ground. They just spread shit right all over the walkway. And people just. They rolled their luggage right on through. It's gotta be weird when they get to the hotel. Who farted? Honey, did you fart? No. Well, I smell shit. It's coming from your Samsonite. Yeah, he.

[Kellen Erskine]

But we're not allowed to bring a bottle of water through security.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's more than 3.5 fluid ounces.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a guy tell me he had cologne the cologne said like 5 ounces on it. And the guy was like 3.5. And he's like, what's half empty? And the guy's like, TSA guy's like, just go stand by the trash can and do it. Do like 10, by the way. Put on this dunce cap while you're doing it. Could you do that? Could you do that for me? And then before you come back, just gonna need you to do the hokey pokey real quick. Just turn yourself around. All right. Then go on through. I mean, because that's what it is now. Just guy standing by, trash can, right?

[Kellen Erskine]

The only time I get confrontational with people in public is with the tsa. And I had one guy behind me, just another passenger, say, just leave them alone. They're doing their job. It's not their fault. And I was like, it's a hundred percent their fault. These people chose a job that knew it would allow them to go through other people's stuff and touch you. Like, like, hard to root for that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree with people. Go all the time. Look, look. Why are you hassling the meter maid? Why are you hassling the meter maid? They chose this job.

[Kellen Erskine]

They tried hard to get this job.

[Adam Carolla]

They stood in line.

[Kellen Erskine]

They filled out an application competition with 20 other people.

[Adam Carolla]

They were drug tested. They were tested and see if they could drive a left hand drive. Cushman, this is more shit from the same airport. Do you see the owner anywhere cleaning it up or that bitch gone? And if you look ahead, even another 12ft ahead, they spread this shit out over three or four gates. And it just sat there. And I just. By the way, I don't know what's wrong with most human beings. Everyone was just on their phone plowing through the shit. I was like, what is going on?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I mean, you assume that you're walking through the airport, it's gonna be duty free.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. Yeah, I. I get it. I get that people don't expect to step in dog at lax, but. But you still got to have your fucking head on a swivel.

[Kellen Erskine]

But then this guy is now getting on a plane like something with a stomach this volatile. Well, not only is the owner, like, he's probably done.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's good now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he shit his brains out in the airport. He's good for the next six hours. No. Yes. Yep. You have a. You have a dog that got hold of a bad gains burger the night before and is now on the flight farting and shitting in coach. But also, you have all the people that stepped in the shit and rolled their wheelie bag through the shit getting on flights as well.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sure started a global pandemic like the end of 12 Monkeys.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, this is the majesty of Terrazzo for flooring, ladies and gentlemen. This is why I want Terrazzo. You do this on carpet, you gotta fucking roll it up and throw it away. You do this on vinyl. Any. Anything but Terrazzo. Terrazzo, you just get in there with a squeegee and a hose like a monkey cage and just spray that whole thing down. Terrazzo's bulletproof, all right? He calls some dolphin a whole. A guy throws elbows into orbital sockets, all of a sudden got a conscience about his sensibilities, have been offended by the fecal matter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm just trying to stay on YouTube.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, all right, all right. Anyway, so dogs, okay? No more dogs. No fucking more. And listen, everybody. Sorry that we have to do this. Like, we've now come to us. We live in a society where. I had a lengthy conversation with an employee a day ago about his father in law taking his daughter. His daughter is this person's fiance, wife, girlfriend, significant other. Taking her Prius in to get a cage welded around the catalytic converter. Catalytic converter, so it couldn't be stolen. So thanks, dad, but okay. But that's where we're living. We've just signed off on a world. Not a world where we try to stop people from stealing catalytic converters. A world where we need to put a shark cage around our catalytic converters. And some world where there's gonna be shit in airports and dog fights at restaurants, but not a world where we tell you, you can't do that. We need to get back to that world, everybody, I'm telling you right now. Leaving people alone. And the natural state. I had a hippie mom, and she was into the leave it alone, the natural state. And we had a front yard, my house that we flopped in, which was my grandma's house. And she was like, just leave that front yard alone. Let nature take over. She was like an Indian. Well, two months later, it was fucking weeds up to here and shit everywhere. And it looked like shit. We should have been sued by the neighbors. Look, just stepping back and leaving alone. You don't get a golf course putting green out of that. You get fucking weeds and raccoons and dirt and shit. You get shit, right? But there's this thing of, like, we'll just step back and just let the people kind of do what they do now.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's the easier Route and a lot. A front lawn doesn't exist in nature. It's insane.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Kellen Erskine]

La, it's a desert. That's what should be here, right? Just leave it alone.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's a metaphor for like how these idiots govern. Like don't take these guys and put them here and just step back a little. Let them find their own space, you know? Okay, that shit in the airport. And you're missing your catalytic converter. The guard. There's a catalytic converter guard again. When we started running commercials for the medication that relieved constipation caused by the pain pills, we should have stopped and said, hold on, where are we heading here? Because we have another medication for the other medication the guy's hooked on because he's backed up because he's taken too many Vicodin and now we have another medication. We should stop for a second. Really check ourselves here. When we started making a cage for your catalytic converter, we should have stopped as a society and started to take a look in the mirror. Where are we at as a society? The cage was 150 bucks and the install was 80 bucks. But let me tell you what I know about criminals and cartels. This will soon be defeated as well. Or they'll just pull it off and sell the cage to somebody. But we're looking at a picture of it now. Now is it screwed in and how do they fasten it? Because they have those fasteners. You ever see you're going to the bathroom and see those screws where you can only tighten them but if you loosen them it doesn't work? Yeah, you see that? Look, you need a special drive like they'll do a lot of. You need a key. A special drive and a key or something. Yeah, I think these very resilient gang bangers are going to figure out a way to get under there with a, a 1210 millimeter socket on an impact gun and they'll figure the key out. Okay, so they do. They do. What they do is the Allen wrench with the little nipple in the center of it and you need a key. But these people in a 10 millimeter bolt, they will soon get these keys and they will just put the keys on a cordless impact gun and they'll zip, zip, zip, that'll fall away and they'll go right to it. But maybe it's enough to stymie them. On the other hand, if they're carrying guns and shooting people who walk out, then they have all the time in the world. If you think about it. Like if you think, well, I'm on the clock. Yeah, you're on the clock until the guy, until the father of two walks out. But if you just kill him, then you can go about your business. Right?

[Kellen Erskine]

You know what seems easier than making that is moving.

[Adam Carolla]

It does. Like, maybe you should charge up the Prius. The range on a prius is about 500 miles. That'll easily get you to Nevada. Easily.

[Dawson]

Don't miss Adam Carolla live this weekend at the Desert Ridge Improv in Phoenix, Arizona. Five shows, two on Friday night, two on Saturday night and one on Sunday. Next month, Adam hits San Diego at American Comedy Club on April 11th and 12th. Get tickets for this and all of Adam Corolla shows at Adam Corolla. Don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for betting on all the madness. Whether you're a seasoned fan or a first time better, betonline is your ultimate game day companion. With the largest selection of odds on everything from College Basketball to $200,000 bracket contest, BetOnline continues to be your number one sports betting source. From every Cinderella story to every hat trick, betonline has you covered with odds, stats and more for every game, every play and every win. And Remember, if the NBA, NHL, UFC or golf is your thing, BetOnline has them all. BetOnline is your number one sports betting source. Bet online. The game starts here. Ah, let me tell you about Chime. Well, small steps lead to big changes, especially in your financial future. So when you open up a Chime checking account, you're one step closer to a better financial future. With no maintenance fees, fee, free overdraft up to 200 bucks or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, making progress has never been easier. Listen, I remember I used to struggle saving my nickels and dimes. I wish there was a Chime back then. All I had was an ATM and I forgot my PIN number. Get spotted on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals as well. No monthly fees or maintenance fees. To date, Chime has spotted members over 30 billion with a B. 30 billion and you could be one of them. It's chime, right Dawson?

[Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in depth, I'm talking about deep. That's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. homes.com. We've done your homework. Yeah, I get the idea. They see the thing and they move on. Here's what's going to happen. They will be initially defeated by seeing it. Initially, they will see this cover and be defeated by it. That's the first wave of gang bangers. But the next generation of criminals will show up armed to defeat it. That's how life works. You know what I mean? Like, the first group of drug runners in their swift boats was getting busted, but the second group built submarines. Right? They always. They always figure that out. That's how criminals work. They're adaptive.

[Kellen Erskine]

My grandfather played football with a leather strap on his head, and they were tackling each other a little differently than they do now. That's crazy about the more safety things we put in place, the more they're just weaponized.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. People argue that it was a much safer game when people were worried.

[Kellen Erskine]

That makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This is why I want airbags taken out of vehicles. It'll stop the texting immediately. All right, let's see. Got other things to complain about. Let's see. There's a couple things I'm interested in.

[Kellen Erskine]

Can I get your opinion on something?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[Kellen Erskine]

We live in Valencia now, but I used to live a couple blocks from here, just on the other side of Ikea. And when we moved, moved down here from the Bay Area, I drove this you know, Penske moving truck, which, by the way, is crazy to me that, like, to work for a moving company, you have to get a different, you know, driver's license. You have to train for it. But if you just want to rent a 30 foot vehicle you've never driven in your life, they're like, well, have it back by Thursday. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

It is an interesting world where when I rode a motorcycle in this city, I got busted and the motorcycle got towed because I didn't have a license for the motorcycle, even though I rode the motorcycle and I own the motorcycle. So I fucking know. It's like, do I need to pull a permit to use my toothbrush? Like, I think I got this, you know, if I don't got it, I'll know it real fast, you know. So, yes, it's a two wheeled little vehicle and I need a special license for it. But if you want to jump into the 30 footer with grandma's attic hanging over the top and mirrors you're not used to, you can just take that and plow right down the highway.

[Kellen Erskine]

I was terrified the entire time. And now.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you can fill it with fertilizer and go down the federal building. But. Sorry, too dark. Go ahead.

[Kellen Erskine]

So I make the trip down here, just white knuckling it the entire time. And I have to have it back by like 5pm or it's an extra 80 bucks or whatever it was. And so I'm searching around downtown Burbank for a gas station that has diesel. I didn't realize at the time not every place has diesel. I finally find one off of Glen Oaks. I was like, pull into it. I. I snap a water main and then a water main. I see in the passenger mirror just this dirty, muddy geyser. 35ft.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You clipped like almost a fire hydrant.

[Kellen Erskine]

It was. It was like an upside down U and it was just pure copper, which, you know, isn't gonna hold, but no cage. No cage or anything like that.

[Adam Carolla]

No cage, no copper cage. Just sweated copper.

[Kellen Erskine]

I didn't even feel it. Yeah, I just pulled in and. Yeah. And I was mad at Penske, like, well, yeah, this was gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kellen Erskine]

You think I've ever practiced with orange cones? I rented this yesterday so I could put my entire life in it.

[Adam Carolla]

I do like the people that sue people. But basically the thesis is, you should have known I was retarded before you sold me this crossbow. Like, you know what I mean? I'm suing the shot. I love the thesis of you should have known I was completely inept in a fuck up. And I like to day drink before you sold me this. Fill in the blank or let me do this. But you know, you brought me to a thought. It's an interesting thought. You guys tell me if you sign off on this thought. I've had a lot of different cars over the years and I never can really figure out what side the gas cap is on. And no matter how many times I fill up, I still have to check.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The smallest arrow ever created.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

The smallest arrow ever, ever man has ever. You know, sometimes you see people like, do, oh, we're gonna do the Magna Carta on a grain of rice. That's the guy they use to put the arrow where you're going, what side? There's the gas pump thing on the dash. Where. Where is the. It's this. It's not even a full arrow. They won't even commit to an arrow. They just go, head. No shaft. No shaft, just head. Even.

[Kellen Erskine]

Then it's not even that intuitive because. Yeah, it's just a triangle. And you're like, is that. What side? Is that even?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, isosceles. We could go any direction with that. They'll tell you about the octagon.

[Kellen Erskine]

They have the gas tank openings on both sides. How much more would that cost?

[Adam Carolla]

They did, they had some of that, some of that in the 60s, like 70s, you know, the high end, they do both sides. They do the cool one that was in. Right in the back. So you're always. It's like being bisexual. You're always getting light. You're always getting light because it's in the middle. You know what I mean? You can't. There's no wrong direction. Can I tell you the embarrassment, the heartache of pulling in and then going, fuck, it's on. And then having it. You gotta do the math. Wait a minute. I'll be facing the other direction. So it's still gonna be on the wrong. No, I got. And people are honking and trying to get in. And you're doing. I'm sorry, I gotta come around. Okay, how about this? I got a thought. I get burned if I don't check. I never guess right. There's no coin toss for me. I lose every time. Don't you think that's the essence of whether a person is lucky or not? Like we should take every 18 year old and just put them in 10 different cars and go. Just go over there and fill up. Go to that mobile and they Go what side? You're not gonna know what side the cast's on. I want you to just feel it. Just feel it. Let's see where you're at now. I'd probably go, like, one for nine, you know what I mean? But I found a kid that went 9 and 1 or 10, and, oh, like, we're going to Vegas.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah. Because you got it.

[Adam Carolla]

You got something going on. Like, this is just a natural thing. And we put a little piece of tape on the dash. Nobody knows what side anything. I just said, just drive in and get gas. How about that? Just do it.

[Kellen Erskine]

To me, it's the same principle of, like, this is why I think the lottery is insane, why it's bonkers that anyone would ever buy a lottery ticket. The odds to the mega millions is 1 in 300 million. That is unbelievable. It's incomprehensibly. It's essentially zero. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's there.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's like guessing. If someone said, like, pay me $5, I'll give you a billion. It's hidden in any address in the entire United States of America. All you have to do is guess it. People will be like, that's crazy. Those odds are 1 in 300 million. When I walk out of my hotel room. I've been doing comedy for 20 years. Every time I walk out, I can't remember which way the elevator is.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kellen Erskine]

Those odds are one in two.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Kellen Erskine]

But one in 300, like, if you look at your weather app and it says, like, there's a 10% chance of rain. You're not gonna cancel a wedding because you're like, well, that'll never happen. That's 1 in 10 that we know that will never happen. But for some reason, it hits 1 in 300 million, and everyone's like, well, you never know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you go. It's funny when you go to white people places, you don't get behind people that are buying these things. Like when you. If you live. You know, when I used to live in Malibu, you never pull into the liquor store or the supermarket and go, fucking yutz is buying lottery tickets. When you get behind someone who's buying lottery tickets and you're not so rich, white people don't engage in this because they know the fucking odds. And as they would say, it's folly.

[Kellen Erskine]

Well, if you live in Bella, you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Kind of already won the lottery.

[Adam Carolla]

You won the lottery, but it's the poor brown people that are doing it in la, you know? And the thing is, you go in a liquor store and you Pull up behind one of these guys. You're like, okay, this is good, because this guy's just buying cigarettes or something, and the guy's got going. Give me two of the jackpot. Yeah. No, not with the cherries. Not with the. Yeah, no, those are cherry tomatoes. I'm talking about. I'm talking about bing cherries. Yeah. And you're like, get your stupid tickets and lose and go home already. And then they're working a strategy out. They're gonna give me two California scratchers, and then let's see how many grandkids I have. 36 grandkids. So give me 36. The Los Angeles. The one with the Dodger hat on it. Yeah. And you're like, okay, there is no strategy, you fucking idiot. And by the way, I'm looking at you, if you were lucky, I think we would have known it by now. Your truck has three different color fenders on it. You have fucking stucco on your head. You're a mess.

[Kellen Erskine]

This is the guy who pulled into that gas station and corrected himself three times where the gas tank open, okay?

[Adam Carolla]

You're not lucky. And you certainly don't have the money for this. This is. You're throwing the money away. We pray on stupid, poor people with the lottery. But I've never heard a fucking politician say word. Now. Oh, God, I found out. I'm gonna ask you to do something, Dawson. Remember that commercial? Or there was a. There's a commercial I was complaining a lot about, and for some reason, that cow politician, Katie Porter, who's running for governor, she's gonna be.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That cow, the one who moved to.

[Dawson]

California 12 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She drove her fucking minivan over here.

[Dawson]

Yeah, she's not. She's not a cow, okay?

[Adam Carolla]

She. All right. I. Listen, with all due respect, she's a retarded cow. Yes, with all due. And I mean. And I like her, and I'm saying she's a retarded cow out of respect. I found out yesterday she's running for governor. So we are fucked in California if she wins. But Kamala wins, Katie Porter wins. I don't know. Whatever it is, we're fucked. But, okay, she had a whole thing. Remember I told you Washington Mutual or B of A or whatever. Like four or five years ago, they ran this campaign to us and where they were like, hey, it was your bank account, your savings account talking to you. And it was basically just going. You would go, how come I don't have more money in my savings account? And then your savings account would say, well, Maybe you should make your own coffee instead of buying expensive Starbucks. And then you'd go, you. How come there's not more money? And your bank account would say, well, you should walk instead of Ubering and get some exercise. And you should cook meals at home instead of going out. It was basically your account telling you to do sensible shit for people who didn't have a lot of money. Like, you don't have a lot of money. Make your meals at home. You don't have a lot of money. Make your coffee at home. Don't pay eight bucks for a coffee. For some reason, this angered Liz Warren, because Katy Perry dykes out. I should say Katy Porter. Oh, man, that'd be a coin toss. What if I said that you gonna spin that wheel? The Katy Perry Katy Porter. Oh, now we got a new Avril Lavigne Admiral Avril. Yeah. So I had a game that I used to like to play here, which is Avril Lavigne, hot Canadian popster versus Admiral Levine. He, she crazy, man. Woman working for the Biden administration as health and human. Whatever. Who was that cow up there going, dirk Block History Month. And then you're like, ugh. But Avril Lavigne, hot, sure. So do you spin that wheel at 50? 50 going into the. You're going into the bedroom. 50. 50.

[Kellen Erskine]

Based on your gas tank luck, maybe not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying. If I saw a kid who went 9 and 1, I'd go, you fucking spin that wheel. Cause Avril Lavigne's gon be sucking your dick. I wouldn't spin it in there. You spin it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Porky Porter. If I needed to. Porky Porter.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you'll do the Katie Porter, Katy perry wheel spin 100%.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, write that down, Dust. And we're going to. This is going to be a thing for us now because we. Admiral Levine is gone now. Poor Admiral Levine is gone now spin that wheel.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Dawson]

Never mind.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's funny. I like when guys start negotiating. Like, I'll do a 54, 35, 45 split on it, but I'm not going 50. 50. Yeah. All right, so Katie Porter, who's gonna run for governor, was doing this whole thing about your checking account. I don't know. She was yelling at Washington Mutual or BFA for telling people what to do. I don't know why I would call that sound advice, but okay. Why doesn't she blast the California Lottery? Why don't any of these politicians Attack the lottery. It preys on poor people. It preys on uned. Okay, who's Katie Porter and Gavin Newsom and all? Mayor Bash, who is their favorite person? Poor Mexicans. They love poor Mexicans. That's their whole world. The raison debt is poor Mexicans. It ain't rich, whitey. It's poor Mexican. This shit preys on poor Mexicans. How come I don't hear fucking word.

[Kellen Erskine]

Out of your mouth 100%? Well, yeah. And the States makes so much money from the law.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't care about money. You're not Elon Musk. Elon Musk sits on his bed made of money and laughs and protects himself with sacks of money. But that's Elon Musk. You guys don't care about money. You love poor Mexicans.

[Kellen Erskine]

And they say, like, 40% of it goes to schools. And it's like, well, how good are those schools if they're not teaching kids, they shouldn't buy lottery tickets. They leave that out.

[Adam Carolla]

Class that money should fund is why not to buy a lottery ticket? Taught by Professor Carolla, followed by, you can't bring your dog to fucking airport. Followed by, you can't bring your dog to a gaucho grill. All right, so that clip is somewhere, Dawson. It's like five years old.

[Dawson]

I'm looking for Katie Porter right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Sorry. Yes. Yeah, so where. Why aren't they stepping out? Why aren't they protecting the poor people? It really is horrible for poor people, and that does not affect rich people.

[Kellen Erskine]

Oh, yeah, it's insane. I mean, if you want to make a good business, make your product addictive. And that's what the lottery is. That's what gambling is. But I also understand, like, I never gambled in my life. I did one time in Atlanta City.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. Every time you get behind the wheel of a truck, bro, you're rolling the dice. Yeah, that's a gamble. Not only for you, but we're all living in your casino now, because we could all be.

[Kellen Erskine]

So I go to this casino in Atlantic City just because I was with another comic who was, like, a gambling addict. And he was like, if you've never been to a casino before, they give you a free voucher if you join. And I was like, sure, fine. We'll do it. There's, you know, nothing else to do this afternoon. So I get the voucher for, like, 20 bucks. I put it in the machine. And of course, they're all rigged to do this to, like, start that dopamine cycle that ruins your entire Life. Because the. The first. The first time, I don't even know what it's called when you do the slot machine. The first time I pull the lever, I win $90 off of this 20. And immediately I understood. I understood the two paths that lay before me. Because on the one hand, I was like, I knew 100% they do this on purpose to keep you here so you can lose the rest throughout the day. But the other part of me was like, I mean, but I may never have to work ever again. That's why people buy lottery tickets.

[Adam Carolla]

The government is complicit, the politicians are complicit, and the fucking news outlets are complicit. Like the California liners top $22 billion. So go out there and we're sent a camera crew out to a liquor store to see poor Mexicans stand in line like, hi, Bert, here I am. We got dumb Mexicans standing in line. They don't have money. Sir, how much do you owe in back, child support? Much, much, much of dollars, my friend. All right, how much you gonna spend on. Well, I'm gonna spend the money that I'm supposed to give to child support and orthodontia toward a child of mine. Anyway, here we go, back to you in the studio.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah. The real news should be. Can you believe people are still doing this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Kellen Erskine]

Like the odds.

[Adam Carolla]

So my whole thing with all these fucking people is until you stand up against your own lottery, I do not fucking believe you. And I say the same thing about the women's groups that are worried about the way Trump is treating until you go brawl and fine women are getting fucking acid thrown in their face for reading. Then I'm not listening to you because I think your moral compass is broken. Or I don't believe you on whatever else you're talking about. Did you find it? Yeah. So there's the ad, and then we have Katie's tweets, which, by the way, I don't.

[Dawson]

This is a news story from USA Today. I believe it's a video.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I just think it's great that a lady with down syndrome's running for office.

[Adam Carolla]

Me, too. It's nice. JP Morgan Chase's attempt to spread some Monday motivation on Twitter completely backfired. The bank had sent a Tweet to its 400,000 people. All right, pause it there. So the bank says, you. Why? Oh, sorry about the pausit. Pause, but pause it while I'm trying to read it. The bank says, why is my balance so low? The bank account. Make coffee at home. Bank account Eat the food that's already in the fridge. Bank account. You don't need a cab. It's only three blocks away. Okay. These are all things I would consider when I was poor, which everybody who's low on cab. Now, first off, rich people should think this way, too. They just don't have to. But this is a noble way to think. Okay, well, that's what Chase Banks sent out. Seems pretty innocuous, except for to retarded cows. They get angry. And Liz Warren gets angry, too. Somebody must have sent her smoke signals to the reservation. She was able to read the smoke signals. Or she put her ear down to the train tracks and didn't like the way Chase was talking. Do they have the Internet on the reservation? I don't know. Okay. Anyway, so then they respond so you can keep it going. So this is just a story, but it's aimed at customers with low balances, but was supposed to include tips on how to save money. It was received. It received backlash. All right, hold on. Pause. Dawson, you're going to have to keep your finger by the pause button is what I'm saying during these events. Or somebody.

[Dawson]

I'm controlling audio.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, whoever. Who's the pause person? Byron. Byron. Byron. I think for the. Maybe this will be the 37th time we've discussed this, but you gotta keep your finger next to the button. So when I said pause, and you would pause it. Yes, sir. How many times in your mind has that come up? Have I said that? I mean, my finger's on the button, but then, like, it disappears because the video plays without me doing any input. And then spacebar. Also, I'm trying to keep it clean for the viewers at home so that when it's in the picture, in picture, it doesn't look so. Okay, all right, you're multitasking, but keep the finger on the pause button. That's what I'm saying. All right, so now I gotta go back because Liz Warren got involved and she doesn't like this. I don't know why. Critics like presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren. So this is older. Had something to say about it. And at some point, Katie Kao Porter got involved. Oh, there she is. Katie Porter. They both fired back several responses denouncing the back Banks tweet. Okay, now let's see what Kate. Can anyone read that? I can't read it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It says, hey, Chase, try paying your workers more. Families aren't spending frivolously. They're trying to pay rent. That's what Katie Porter says.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, listen, retarded Cow. If you're trying to pay rent, then don't pay $8 for a coffee at Starbucks and eat at home. And don't pay Uber $14 for a place you could walk to in 10 minutes. Is that. Why doesn't the retarded cow understand that concept? By the way, Chase probably could pay their employees more, but this tweet is not meant for their employees. It's meant for humanity. It's meant for the tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands of people. This is not an. An internal memo, retarded cow. This is for the people to save money. But by the way, are these, like, gotchas or zingers from the retarded cow? How about paying your people more? Okay, we could do that. And poor people could not pay $11 for coffee. Can we do them both? Okay, try paying workers more.

[Kellen Erskine]

If she really was an advocate of the poor, she would be saying, that's probably a good idea.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yes. Don't do things you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

If she actually gave a fuck about poor people. Yes. And by the way, families aren't spending frivolously. They're trying to pay rent. Well, how the fuck do you know? What. First off, how many poor people you seen with expensive rims on their piece of shit cars? I would go ahead and call that frivolous. Would you not? Yeah, yeah, I'd say that'd be frivolous. Poor people are perfectly capable. Buying a lottery ticket is frivolous spending, which is done exclusively by poor people. Retarded cow, Porter. So that's. Yes, that is frivolous. That's the ultimate in frivolous. At least when you buy rims for your Denali, and the rims are worth more than the fucking car is. At least you. At least you're on something. This is you buying rims, and the rims never show up. You just go in and pay for the rims, and then you go home. And when you never. And then you say to your wife, like, where. She goes, where are the rims? You go, yeah, it didn't work out. I didn't win the Rams. Okay.

[Kellen Erskine]

I also. So I get both. I mean, both sides of this is insane to me because, like, Chase bank giving out financial advice when the government also bailed them out for $3 billion.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not a lover of big corporations. What I don't like is retarded cows trying to make hay when. If you did care about your poor constituency, you would work hard to eliminate the lottery.

[Kellen Erskine]

Sure. You just add on, vote for me. At the end of every sentence. And you see the perverse incentive. That's the only reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's the bigger issue for your poor folks? Is it Chase bank or is it the lottery? Okay, sorry. You can keep it going, Dawson. So, Katie Porter, want to call out Jamie Dimon of JP Morgan. All right. Retarded cow. All right, so anyway, here's the point. We're fucked. We either get the retarded cow or we get Kamala. I don't know. Who else. Who else? Dr. Drew. Ah, that'd be awesome.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That would be sick. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'd be in his ear every day. Listen, these red turn arrows.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I hope I get a cabinet position.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, that's right. I'll put you in a cabinet. All right. Lock it. All right, so I do not. I don't know anything about Katie Porter other than she decided to burn calories attacking an institution that told poor people to save their money, and for that, she's become a retarded cow. But the wheel, once again. Now, first off, I love Avril Lavigne. I like that wheel better. Yeah, yeah, But Admiral Levine, that's a lot of downside because that's cock and balls there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Push him out the way and get to work.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, we didn't spend as much time in prison as you did. We have different sensibilities about these things. But, Katie, I mean, fuck it up. Gamblers, what do you do?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm a gambling man, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me add it, Kellen. What do you do? First off, which wheel do you want to be on? You want the Avril Lavigne Admiral Levine, or you want the Katy Porter or the Katy Perry wheel?

[Kellen Erskine]

Oh, I don't know if I'm going to play this. I should have kept my wedding ring.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, but you have to play the game. So which wheel we spinning?

[Kellen Erskine]

I like this one.

[Dawson]

You will?

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah. I don't mind someone in uniform.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but the uniform's gonna hit the floor pretty quick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Quickly. And. Are you a skater boy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Listen, as much as I hate Katie Porter, I think I gotta stick with the Katie Porter one. Because at least, you know, mathematically things will work out. Even if it's a bad math. All right, you got some news? Ready to go over there? I do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got some news.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we're gonna hang it out and we're going to do a little news. Right, Kellen?

[Kellen Erskine]

Sounds good.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll do that right after this, Morgan. And Morgan. Well, there's a reason why my opinions hit like a heavyweight punch. No fluff no fill just the truth. And that's why there's Morgan and Morgan. America's largest injury law firm. For over 35 years, Morgan and Morgan has been fighting for the people, just like you and I. They have over 100 offices with more than 1000 lawyers nationwide. If you're injured by the negligence of another, you deserve to be paid. That's where Morgan and Morgan comes in. When you hire the wrong law firm, well, you may be beat before you even start the fight. All law firms are not the same. And that's why I love Morgan and Morgan. Am I right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to for the people.com Adam or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's f o r the people.com Adam or pound law pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Dawson]

Now is the time to join the naked wines community. Head to nakedwines.com Adam Click Enter Voucher and enter code Adam for both the code and the password for six bottles of wine for just 39.99 with shipping included that off your first six [e-mail] Adam and use the code Adam and password Adam for six bottles of wine for $39.99.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Kellen Erskine]

Will only use human cashiers because he says that robots are taking jobs away from people. If you really felt that way, you'd throw your phone in the toilet. Right. Because that thing has taken jobs away from travel agents, fitness instructors, photographers, manufacturers of CDs, paper maps, pedometers, phone booths, Rolodexes, stopwatches, calculators, alarm clocks. So maybe stop pretending you have rage against the machine and just admit you can't figure out figure out how to price bananas.

[Dawson]

Kellen Erskine is on the Adam Carolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny cuz it's true. All right, what do you got there? Mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right. In the news today, Rosie O'Donnell has been sparring with President Trump since 2006. And now the frequent Trump critic has confirmed she's fled the country after she came to the Oval Office.

[Adam Carolla]

I respect her because she left everyone else the chair and all the Bruce Springsteen and all, all the fucking pencil dicks always talk about it. And then they never go anywhere. And then no one ever asks them what the fuck happened. And then they have the balls to load up and do it again the next election season. You know, like anyone believes them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She went, she left. She went, she went to Ireland. She's in the process of applying for Irish citizenship.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. First off, is she just good for money for her whole, like, syndicated TV is big bucks.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The place you get paid the most is like daytime Judge Judy shit, you know, daytime TV shit. So she's set for life. Like, what's her, what's her deal? She ever, does she need to work? And then certainly they can, they can get like a reality show out of this. Right?

[Kellen Erskine]

Well, I was going to say, yeah, I think if you leave the country, then you also have to sever ties with whatever American companies are still paying you. Right? Because that's still sort of holding on to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kellen Erskine]

America.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Kellen Erskine]

My opinion on this has changed a little bit. You remember when Bill Clinton was running for office and some people are like, but he. He dodged the draft. But now, I don't know, after, like, having kids, how do you feel about the draft? Like, I think if one of my kids was especially. I mean, he dodged Vietnam. I just can't imagine at that time. I think I would have headed for Winnipeg the moment I got that letter in the mail from my son.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's. It's kind of weird when they try to slap some morality thing around, something we all probably would have done. You know what I mean? Like, they did. They'll do it. They did it with, like, Kavanaugh. Like, he'd go to parties and they'd get drunk and they'd go up to the bedroom and try to get the girls drunk. Like, yeah. All right. There you go. Right, right. Keep going. Like, I mean, you're outraged. 17 drinking beers, you know, it's like, yeah, yeah, Right? Yeah. Okay. Even once in a while. Once a while, you'll talk to a chick and she'll go, I pull up to a stoplight, I look over, the guy's masturbating in his karma. Okay, right. Then what? He's masturbating in the car? Yeah. Oh, right. Outrageous. He probably pees in the sink when he gets home. Well, how tall? Policy. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. So, yes, I would attempt to dodge the draft.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure.

[Kellen Erskine]

In all respect, and I love my country and everything, but, like, if LBJ is going to throw half a million guys over there at a war that we knew we were losing anyway, like, yeah, it's. It's. If you. If you're deciding for your child, between that and Vancouver, how do you even. Why is that a. Not a noble decision? You know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the thing. I will weigh out the legitimacy of the war, and then I'll decide whether I send my kid to death. If it's Nazis or German, you know, they're invading Poland and France. Go die. Go die. But if Korea's getting a little out of hand. Let's sit this one out. I'll decide.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's up to the parent.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Rosie O'Donnell says she thinks about the US every day and, quote, I am hoping that we can turn things around. I'm counting on you, all of you, to do what's right. And I think deep down inside, we all Know what that is? I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

What, suicide bomber or what are we talking about pirating?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was wondering.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's only got one term, so voting's out. So then what's the right thing? Inject him with poison or something? Rosie said she was gonna return when it's safe. Here's what I don't get with all the these narcissistic ass wipes. How did you survive the first Trump term? Like, you're Rosie. All you did was sit around and film yourself complaining for those four years. How did that work? Were you running serpentine to the mailbox and it was a guy the butterfly net chasing around from the doj, or did you just fucking sit at home and eat? Like, what is so different? And then this one will be the same. Wait, it's a weird thing, that target. Yeah. So she said she's gonna come back when it's safe, but if it's like.

[Kellen Erskine]

A different Republican who gets elected, does she just move back a little closer?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she goes into Europe. Yeah. She goes through the tunnel.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. If she's afraid of getting disappeared or what. But yeah, she's out there.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? Here's my attitude as America. When she goes like, all right, it's safe, I'm coming back. I'd be like, we're good, good. You know what? These months and years since you've been gone have been some of the best. I would call this the salad days of this country. It's like the Roaring Twenties. It started the day you left. So I don't know, it's connected to you, Rosie, but I don't want to jinx it.

[Kellen Erskine]

Do you think when she moved to Ireland, she's like, finally, I can take these casings off my catalytic converters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm going to take the shark gauge off my catal. I know she drove that there proudly. Proudly flew or took a boat. All right, so Rosie's gone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, Rosie's gone. Look, I hope we have some video of this.

[Adam Carolla]

A fight erupts, by the way, let me say this. Nobody ever does this, but she goes, it's the safest place for me and my 12 year old. Like, okay, you're fucking your kid up. You're fucking your kid up. Crazy mom. Like when Alyssa Milano would do that bullshit a few years ago, she'd go, I would go into my daughter's room at night, lay in her bed and weep openly. I'm like, okay, you're fucking your kid up, you crazy, narcissistic. This witch you're fucking your kid. Don't lie in bed with your 9 year old and openly weep. You're fucking your kid. You're scrambling, Rosie, you're scrambling. Your 12 year old's 12 of them. Is probably hell of a soccer player, you know what I mean? It got pulled right out of league. Probably leading the league in goals on Long Island. And you just fucking pulled her out and moved into the Blarney Stone. Yeah, that's not fun for a kid.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Learn how to play field hockey.

[Adam Carolla]

Kid got no friends. All the friends are gone. Was going. Looking forward to going into the seventh grade, but not anymore.

[Kellen Erskine]

Did you ever read or have the children's book I'll Love youe Forever? Do you remember that book? It was a story.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I hate all children's books. But go ahead.

[Kellen Erskine]

Every page you turn, the child gets incrementally older. And the mom is rocking the child and says the same thing. I love you forever. The da da da da. It's this whole rhyme and it gets to the point. This is what it reminded me. It gets to the point where he's a grown man living in his own house. This is a children's book. It's meant to be cute. And it's, you know, put your kid to sleep. She brings a ladder that reaches to the second story window, climbs up it and is holding her adult son. Same thing. I'll love you forever. And you're supposed to say good night like, I'll always be with you to your kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's creepy.

[Kellen Erskine]

What a crazy message, right? Yeah. I would have sent him off to Vietnam at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Even I got both careers. Yeah. Okay, couple things. Children's books with a shit message drive me nuts. It drives me nuts as a parent. You start sitting around like Dawson, you can look it up. We're going in the Wayback Machine today. But wow. Wow. Wubs talking about being the coolest with the Golden Rule. Like there's times I used to sit in front of my TV set with my twins when they were like 5 and they'd be watching a cartoon and I'd be yelling, no, no, don't fucking listen to Dora the Explorer. That fucking bitch. She shouldn't even be in this country. And it's like the worst. You want to know what the worst one is? The most celebrated. One of the most celebrated children's books I remember from my childhood. Everyone loved it. It was so big. They made it to a fucking feature. Where the Wild Things Are. I was just gonna say, where the Wild Things Are. It's huge. And every hippie fucking mom loves it. They all love it. Where the wild things are is a kid is out of control and he. He's running with a fucking fork, chasing the dog and the cat. He's gonna stab the cat with a fork. So the kid's a total fucking violent felon.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Delinquent pajamas.

[Adam Carolla]

So he gets sent up to his room to kind of gets a timeout. And then during his time out, he fucking downs some mushrooms, ends up on some island, and he ends up on an island where even though all the beasts have, like 1300 pounds on him, he becomes the king of all the beasts for, I don't know. He just shows up in his PJs and they go, now you're the king. They don't really explain how that worked. He doesn't, like, fight the alpha beast and beat him or anything. He just shows up and they make him the king.

[Kellen Erskine]

They're like, we respect what you did to that cat.

[Adam Carolla]

We hate cats, too. And then at some point, he misses his family or something, and he sails away. And then they stand on the shore and they yell, come back. Come back or we'll eat you. Which is a weird way to try to tempt someone to turn their sailboat around. Cause so that part doesn't make any sense. And then he comes back to his room and there's chocolate cake and milk waiting for him. The end. What message? What message is this?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't understand.

[Adam Carolla]

What are we sending? Okay, if you try to kill your cat with a fork, do not fear. You'll go to an island. Well, you'll be declared the king of the monsters. And then at some point, you'll return to your room and there'll be some German chocolate cake and milk waiting for you. The. This is a message.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

What was that douche that wrote this fucking movie snack, right? This guy was. I don't know, we hailed him. We were so fucking dumb in the 60s and the 70s. Like, this guy's a genius. Like, this guy's retarded. It doesn't mean anything.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My childhood, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Maurice. Yeah. Where the Wild Things Are.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah, we did. I have a book podcast, the book pile. And we. We did spend a whole episode just talking about Goodnight Moon, which is another one.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Another one.

[Kellen Erskine]

I was thinking creepy. The. It gets darker and darker throughout. It. There's that. It's like, good night, brush. Good night, mush. There's one part where you turn a page and there's. It's blank and it just says, good Night. Nothing. And it is the creepiest. Good night, son.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Can we just understand that people create for children because they cannot create for adults? That's right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

In the children's book, the Author's Last. I'm reading this author's last interview before he died of a stroke in May, which could have been May 20 years ago. But Senec said he thought about trying to assassinate former President George W. Bush and former Vice President Dick Cheney. First off, I knew this guy was a fucking lib. I knew it. I knew it. Because this is a retarded lib message.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Bush was president I thought would be brave. Tie a bomb to your shirt and insist on going into the White House. Well, I haven't checked security protocol at the White House recently, but I think if you tie a bomb to your shirt, no matter how hard you insist, this letter is very important to get to the President. They'll probably detain you or maybe be shot by sniper, hopefully before you get to the checkpoint. I want to have a. He wants to go put a bomb on a shirt. Have a big hug with vice president and the president and his wife. And the president and his wife and anyone else that can fit into a love hug. I told you this guy's a fucking crackpot. I knew it. I knew who this guy was.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's crazy. So liberal. Cause half the book is about colonialism.

[Adam Carolla]

It really is. White kid shows up, takes over the indigenous people's lives. Okay, I'm glad this guy's gone. But this book, it's the worst. Oh, but wow. Wow. Wowsy's the worst. Wow, wow, wow. This is the message that's been inculcated into every five year old in America by this. You don't have to do a fancy dance. You don't have to wear the fancy pants. You only have to give yourself a chance and you'll see.

[Dawson]

You are the coolest.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to talk a certain way. There's nothing special that you have to say.

[Dawson]

Just be yourself every day and everyone will know.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone is going to know. Being cool is easy.

[Dawson]

This is how kids get beat up.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. You'll be number one, right? Okay. The golden rule is don't bring your dog to the restaurant because other people there don't want your dog at the restaurant. That's the. That's the golden rule.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I thought that was a travertine rule.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You being the terrazzo. You being different. That's all right. They make Kyle out of travertine. You're all right. But this. Terrazzo, I get it. This message is the golden rule is not this. This gets people to bring their fucking dog because it's you. And everyone in the restaurant, everyone in the airport's going to know you're the coolest because you do what you want. You do what you want. That's the golden rule. Rule. This is the opposite of golden rule.

[Kellen Erskine]

Every. All the visuals in there, I can't imagine a kid coming home from school being like, I got bullied again. Because all I do is read and do my homework. And then this cartoon is like, don't worry. All you have to do is read and do your homework.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kellen Erskine]

And then you'll be.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone will know you're the coolest. Everyone. Now, I'm trying to work the math out. They should just replace everybody.

[Dawson]

Yeah, they replace the lyrics. You'll be the coolest with.

[Adam Carolla]

With.

[Dawson]

You'll get your ass kicked. Everything would make perfect sense.

[Adam Carolla]

But what I'm trying to explain. What I've been trying to explain to everyone for a long time, it's just one person wins the fucking lottery. 2 billion people buy a ticket. One person wins. If everyone's a winner, then all everyone gets is their dollar back. There is no winner.

[Kellen Erskine]

And the song is, you're the richest.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Everyone will know. So if everyone's the coolest, then nobody's the coolest. You understand? Your message is not for one person. They're not going, hey, Brett, we wrote a song for you. They're writing it for everyone. So where's the audience? You know what I mean? They're over there being the coolest. Who's cheering you on? They're the coolest.

[Kellen Erskine]

This goes back from the tweet from earlier, which is this message of, don't worry, you don't have to do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right? Yeah. How dare somebody tell you to study or to work hard or to fucking excel? All right, anyway, sorry. What do we got? What's the next one?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A fight broke out during a House subcommittee meeting when he self deliberately misgendered. Delaware represent Sarah McBride, the first transgender congresswoman.

[Adam Carolla]

Sara McBride.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's a name.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't even pick up on it. She launched. She had her paper in front of her. And I've done these kind of things where, like, you got five minutes, and you got your paper in front of you. And if they go, we now like to call attention. Adam douchebag, you have five minutes. I'd go, oh, thank you. And I just start reading. She didn't hear it. Like, Listen to her. Now, the thing that's comical about this is the old guy who doesn't give a fuck about the trans community. Or unless he never did, because he's never brought it up. Cause he's 70 years old and he never heard about it until he was 61. This guy seems overly concerned. Sarah McBride. Or he, she, whatever the fuck is just moving ahead with this one.

[Unknown Speaker]

I now recognize the representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride.

[Kellen Erskine]

Thank you, Madam Chair. Ranking Member Keating. Also wonderful.

[Unknown Speaker]

Mr. Chairman, could you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She hit him back.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what that was?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She hit him back with? Thank you, Madam Chair.

[Adam Carolla]

Chair.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Since he misgendered her, she came back and missed it. I think it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Turnabout is fair play.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, see, I was confused because there was a woman. Was there a woman there somewhere?

[Dawson]

No, that guy. And then. Then the other guy addresses him as Mr. Chairman. What you did is unacceptable.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, play it out. Yeah.

[Dawson]

She said, thank you, madam.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought the person on the right had long hair or something. And she was addressing her back.

[Unknown Speaker]

I now recognize there is a chick.

[Adam Carolla]

On the right, though, right? I know everyone yelled, no, but there's a chick on the right.

[Dawson]

No, no, that's not the chairperson.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it, but just go along with me not being insane. I thought that the person on the right could be the chairperson and the other person just called them to whatever. That's why it was feasible in my mind. But go ahead, play it out.

[Unknown Speaker]

I now recognize the representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride.

[Kellen Erskine]

Thank you, madam Chair. Ranking Member Keating. Also wonderful.

[Unknown Speaker]

Could you repeat your introduction again, please? Yes, it's a. It's a. We have set the standard on the floor of the House. And I'm simply. What is that standard, Mr. Chairman, I love this person. Would you repeat what you just said?

[Adam Carolla]

I love. Rights. Indignation.

[Unknown Speaker]

A duly elected representative from the United States of America, please. I will. The representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride. Mr. Chairman, you are out of order.

[Adam Carolla]

Calling a dude?

[Unknown Speaker]

Have you no decency? I mean, I've come to know you a little bit, but this is not decent.

[Adam Carolla]

You call it dude.

[Dawson]

A dude.

[Unknown Speaker]

You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way. This hearing is adjourned.

[Adam Carolla]

They ended it. Douche. Oh, God. And by the way, you know what I like about these guys? They made it to the age of 70 without ever uttering a word about this subject. So are they that passionate about it, really?

[Dawson]

Here's something else that's interesting is McBride took her time, whatever, and said, okay, I'm gonna Call you Matt at him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dawson]

And it was over. He's not. He's not screaming. Yeah, Stones. We're all good. Moving on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was bad.

[Dawson]

It went both ways.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Let it go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dawson]

Call it both ways.

[Adam Carolla]

Just traded jabs now. And we're moving on.

[Dawson]

We're moving on. Go.

[Kellen Erskine]

I can't take anyone seriously in a room that had a painting of an old man with his poodle. Did you see that? That's. That's what I was looking at the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I saw that dude at the Delta Terminal LAX last time I was traveling. I know that dude. Same dog slipped in that dog shit.

[Kellen Erskine]

What is happening?

[Adam Carolla]

What is going on?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is that Sir Anthony Hopkins.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an old guy. A painting of an old guy with a poodle on his lap and a map of North America behind him.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A barola in the background.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna go with Kennedy on the wall, but thank you for the comparison. That does.

[Kellen Erskine]

Definitely wasn't, like, the artist's plan. That seems like that guy was like, hold on. I have a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, when it comes to. That's a painting, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When it comes to paintings, if you're painting someone in their office and there's a painting behind them, are you compelled to paint the painting? I would say more wallboard. Who's gonna get suspicious? You know what I mean? Like, if everyone come upon a painting and go, you know, this is suspicious here. Why no picture behind the painting? Why there's no painting of a painting. And now you're painting a painting or you're painting a picture, but it seems like extra work and it draws focus because now I'm trying to figure out who that guy. That's Kennedy, Right? All right. So, yes, it cannot be taken seriously. But the person to. Everyone's point is, the guy is grandstanding because. Because if she. He doesn't care, then why do you care more than he. She. Unless you're grandstanding.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A trans lady's pretty tough. Like, if you are determined to wear a dress and be a woman, then she's gonna stand up to this kind of thing, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So we're now living a society with a bunch of non gay or non trans or non black or non Hispanic or non whatever, people taking greater offense to things than the actual people who they've decided were slut. Which means they're grandstanding because the protocol is like, hey, man, he just called you dude. Yeah, I know. I gotta get on with this. Oh, okay. Moving on. If that. The person's If. Where's the victim? If the victim isn't a victim?

[Kellen Erskine]

It's so performative too. It's almost like he was anticipating, like. Like he'd been rehearsing this bathroom. Yeah, you're out of order. It sounds like he's like. Like a bad.

[Adam Carolla]

One more time. Because I.

[Kellen Erskine]

It is performative to the other guy because he's so. None of them are used to conflict because he says, meaning adjourned.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. I would be the worst politicians ever, because I just sit. I got this thing, I don't know, I sit next to people, like on the phone too long or talking in a way that's too much like, you know. You know how women do this thing where they'll, like, they'll call and they'll go, what time you open to? Oh, 5:00. Oh, it's 5:30 now. And you go, okay, let's go find the next place. I go, because I figured you guys would be open longer because I just do this and go, here we go, here we go, here we go. Like, okay, they're close. We're moving. Here we go. I would be. That's all I'd be doing is if you're like, sure, you can't. You call? You missed you. Okay, here we go, here we go. I'd just be saying, okay, here we go. What the fuck are we here for? What are we doing? None of us are getting younger. We're arguing over this chick with a dick. Let's just go, here we go, here we go.

[Kellen Erskine]

Now, I ordered a hamburger at In N Out one time, and I said, just no onions. And she goes, it doesn't come with onions. And I was like, well, then you didn't have to say anything, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah. Not even knowing that. Yeah, yeah, you were good. Yeah, there's a lot of extra. But here's what I'm saying. Here's how you know, these people don't do anything. Because real people who have real jobs, who have real meetings have to go. Look, we're all just gonna sit down here and we're gonna figure out this wiring harness because the sub. The electricians are coming in tomorrow and we need to figure out this wiring harness. And then you go, I don't like what you called me. And everyone just gets up and leaves. Like you'd go, hello, the electricians are gonna be here at 7am tomorrow. Now, if we don't fucking figure this out right now, we're gonna be fucked. That's for people who do shit. For people who don't do any shit. They go, what'd you make fun of? You didn't say. You didn't. You didn't say I had a cocking balls. I'm out. Meeting adjourned. Adjourned? What meeting?

[Kellen Erskine]

Can you imagine the President coming into the House of Representatives on a Monday like so? Did you pass that bill? And one of the Congress was like, well, not really speaking right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, it's probably some guy being held hostage in Gaza. They're gonna talk about getting out. But it's like, well, fuck that. We're leaving. Okay, so what meeting? What meeting? Well, I wanna know, Dawson, do we know what this meeting was about? Because there wasn't a sense of urgency.

[Dawson]

Yeah, no, hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's hear. I wanna hear it one more time anyway, just. Cause it's funny.

[Unknown Speaker]

I now recognize the representative from Delaware, Mr. McBurn. Right.

[Kellen Erskine]

Thank you, Madam Chair. Ranking Member Keating, also. Wonderful.

[Unknown Speaker]

Could you repeat your introduction again, please? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we go. Here we go.

[Unknown Speaker]

We have set the standard on the floor of the House.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, here we go, people. Here we go.

[Unknown Speaker]

What is that standard, Mr. Chairman?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, here we go.

[Unknown Speaker]

Would you repeat what you just said? You introduced a duly elected representative from the United States of America.

[Adam Carolla]

Please go. Let's go. Okay.

[Unknown Speaker]

The representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride. Mr. Chairman, you are out of order.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we go now.

[Unknown Speaker]

Mr. Chairman, have you no decency?

[Adam Carolla]

Come on.

[Unknown Speaker]

I mean, I've come to know you a little bit, but this is not decent. We will continue this. You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here we go now. Let's do this.

[Unknown Speaker]

This hearing is adjourned.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He slams his trap.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice. It's nice when you don't have anything to really do except for pretend to work. That you can just do this, stop working. You can't do it in real jobs where shit needs to be figured out, though. Yeah.

[Dawson]

That was a House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee meeting.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? Important or not. Okay, let's do a fucking zoom call next time with you. All right. Sorry. What do we got?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

One more news story here. Gavin Newsom has been blasted for secretly paying for his own monument at San Francisco City hall to commemorate his time as mayor. Yeah. The California governor is considered a contender to run for President 2028 after his time as a surrogate for Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, despite his liberal Golden State record. Newsom has even attempted to reach out to conservatives by launching a podcast. He's interviewed Charlie Kirk and Michael Savage new book, however, threatens to undo Newsom's image rehabilitation.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you seen his new.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's paid to honor himself at San Francisco City Hall.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you seen the new podcast Pretending to Be Normal with Gavin Newsom?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's awesome. I just love. I love the premise, which is, hey, Democrats, we have to pretend to be sane so that people will vote for us, and then we can go back to whatever the fuck we were doing that ruined California and San Francisco. But for now. Now, just for a minute. What it is, is you're a pathological serial killer, but you're gonna come up in front of the parolee board. So put on a cardigan and talk nice. Don't worry. Once we get on the street, we'll start stabbing people again. We just gotta get through the parole board thing here. So we have to pretend to be sane for this period of time. You know what's weird about Gavin News? He. He wants to bring people on and, like, debate them. If you live in California, if you spent time in la, if you spent time in San Francisco, you can debate till you're blue in the face. The place is a piece of shit. There's homeless people everywhere. There's garbage everywhere. He has these nuanced arguments, like, yes, California is the highest tax, but we don't tax the most. It's like, okay, fair argument, Gavin. These other folks rape dry. You use lube when you rape. Okay, that's a feather in your cap, Gavin.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Here's a look at the bust. How much would you say that that would be worth to you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. Is it bronze?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I think it's bronze. So take that into consideration. How much would this cost?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I know a lot about smelting bronze, all right? And I come from a long line of sculptors. You can tell by my vocabulary, it's true. So I'm gonna say $41,000.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm sorry. It's $97,000.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad could have done this bus for under 50. No problemo. No problemo.

[Kellen Erskine]

I think this pose, I think it's between bites at a restaurant during COVID restrictions. Yeah, I think it's wild that this even exists already. Like, how many? Aren't most sculptures, like, supposed to be, like, posthumous? Like, how was Lincoln like? I got some ideas for.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's looking at. You look at more as, like, NFL hall of Fame bust. You know what I mean? Like, art Shell was still alive, you know, when he went in to Canton. You know, that's. I think it's that vibe like, he's gonna have his son hand him the gold jacket, you know, and do his acceptance speech. Yeah, he's a. He has a sociopathic narcissistic disorder that people don't understand. But they were weird in that you meet a lot of people and they're like, oh, yeah, I love DJ Khaled. And. And you're like, wow, you love DJ Khaled? I love that guy. You're like, you don't see the narcissistic sociopath that I see. And they go, nah, I like that guy. And I go, oh, it's interesting, because your skin should crawl when you think about Gavin Newsom. But yet everyone in California just votes for him, which is a. But it must be them just voting the. I don't know. I've never heard anyone defend him or Karen Bass or anybody. They just go, I have a dick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Would you go on his podcast to argue with them?

[Adam Carolla]

I would, I would. And he's come a long way since my podcast, and he's been. He's working his tricks. The number one thing you'll see him do is. And all politicians do this. When the person brings something up and they just talk over them the entire time, that's an admission of guilt. So if somebody said, so if you're doing a podcast and you cheated on your wife and somebody brought it up, you'd start going, oh, yeah, okay, all right, all right, okay, all right, all right, okay. I don't know about that. What about you? What about you? Okay. If you never cheated on your wife and never came close to cheating on your wife and somebody brought it up, you go, all right, really? Tell me. Tell me about it. Tell me where it was. Tell me who it was with. Tell me all about it, because I want to hear. I want to hear this. And then you would just lean back. But when you start going back, okay, all right, all right, okay, all right, all right, okay. And it's like, oh, you fucking did it. Yeah, you can see them do it all the time. So when he knows he's fucked, and he's always fucked because he's run California into the ground, he'll just start talking over the person. So I wouldn't let him do that. And also, you have to talk about what you're talking about. Like, you have to explain to him, you can talk over me, and then I'll wait, and then you'll let me state this. And then when he tries to change the subject or do whatever it is, you got to keep. You got to be relentless.

[Kellen Erskine]

You know, it's funny by, I grew up, my parents would listen to like Sean Hannity and he had the other, this specific move where I don't have an opinion either way, but I thought it was so funny. I, I like the show. Hannity and Combs, you remember, they would debate back and forth and you get both of the issues. Like so it wasn't just like attacking a guest. It was like fairly balanced between the two of them. But Hannity would, sometimes he would end his, his segments because he knew a commercial break was coming up. He would say his side of things and then just go check and boom, it was a commercial. You don't get to say checkmate yourself like in post.

[Adam Carolla]

Halfway into the.

[Kellen Erskine]

And I win. Now go to the, the commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm going to do. Calls me back. I don't think he's going to, I.

[Kellen Erskine]

Don'T know, he looks like the villain from a campaign.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would love to see it, you know, I mean, it would be very interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

I like to see it as well.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, he's such a fucking idiot. There's some. Well, look, it's not fair. There's something wrong with him. That's all I'm saying. He doesn't understand what he's doing. But what he doesn't understand is he's damaging a lot of people under some guise of. What these people don't understand is they're like, what's wrong with defunding the police? It's like you're fucking getting people killed. That's what's wrong with defunding the police. You're hurting people. And I don't think they really get that part. But I mean, Dawson, that's all we're doing, is the Wayback Machine. But his homeless thing with me, I mean, how could you possibly deal with somebody like Gavin Newsom who was in here 10, 12 years ago? But he told me that the homeless. He told me two things. He told me his number one, his number one problem and subject, like what he was here to do is to fix the homeless problem. He told me that's his number one.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thing 12 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Number one, homeless. That's his subject. He told me and then went on to explain that it was about mothers of two who had full time jobs, who were divorced, who were getting minimum wage with their full time job as the problem. And then I explained to him that it was drug addicts and mental patients. And he said that's not the real picture now either. He's severely retarded or he's a sociopath or he's something. But he's not the guy. You want to fix the homeless problem? Because it'd be like if I was a structural. I said, look, I'm a structural engineer. I'm gonna show up and look at your bridge. You got a trestle bridge and it's sagging. It looked like it might come down. And I go, because it's haunted. And you go, no, no. We need to build some moments and get some steel in here and some I beams. Now I'm going with haunted. Okay, fine. But I'm not the guy to fix the bridge. How could I fix the bridge? I misidentified the problem with the bridge. Right. So how could you fix homeless? If you think it's mothers who are working full time who are divorced and not drug addicts, how could you fix this?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He likes to serve for the small things.

[Adam Carolla]

So then, yeah, his thing is. Well, then we'll get Taco Bell to give everyone 50 bucks an hour. Okay, but that's not who's homeless. That mother who got divorced is sleeping on her sister's sofa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Kellen Erskine]

Newsom just needs to understand that if he would just be himself, we would know he's the coolest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Kellen Erskine]

Then I'll vote for it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, if we have that clip, we'll play it. If not, you can put it on the screen if you have it. Whoever's in charge of the screen. But if you don't, then we'll move it along. Got it?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dawson]

Byron said it's on the screen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, not my screen. Not the little screen.

[Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I just put the prompter on it. Okay, here we go. Oh, there it is. All right, here we go. This notion of, like, the guy's a hard working, God fearing family member who lost his job and now had to take to the streets is total nutter.

[Gavin Newsom]

But what about the picture of real homelessness, which is the real.

[Adam Carolla]

The real. The picture of real homelessness? So he's gonna coach me up. I told him the hard working guy lost his job is sleeping on the street is bullshit. That's not a real thing. That's what they sell you. The factory closed down. Who you fucking John Cougar Mellon camp here? The fucking mill closed down. Now you sleep. Nobody sleeps on the sidewalk unless you're a junkie. Everyone has had jobs. Jobs end. And then you figure it out. You get another job. You have a resume. Or God forbid, you just fucking sleep in someone's spare bedroom or something on A futon for a few months. So you get your shit together. It happens all the time. I just got my house burnt down. I just left. I went somewhere and slept somewhere. I didn't sleep on the floor, on the ground under a freeway overpass. But Newsom knows. He knows. So let's hear what he has to say. This notion of, like, the guy's a hard working, God fearing family member who lost his job and now had to take to the streets is total nutter.

[Gavin Newsom]

But what about the picture of real homelessness, which is a poor mom with two kids with a husband who took off and left her, who's sitting there struggling on that minimum wage job and all of a sudden now is out in the streets and sidewalks desperately trying to find some help, get a life back. Can't get those kids into childhood.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's what happened to Fordham. That's a tough thing. Yeah, that's tough.

[Gavin Newsom]

And that's a picture of family homelessness in this country.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's. That's a postage stamp. No, the real picture is bigger than the AIDS quilt, and those are crazy junkies.

[Gavin Newsom]

Yeah, but no. So what?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but no. I mean, just. He's gonna challenge me. He's gonna challenge me, everybody. He's gonna challenge me. He. I said the real picture, that's a postage stamp. The real picture's bigger than they. Yeah. No. No. No to what? No to what, you insane sociopath? No to what? This is his number one issue, everybody. Moms with jobs.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Whose husband left, by the way, we're in California. Your fucking husband left. You're going to fucking own the house. You guys believe. Believe you fucking me. Yeah, just one more time. Listen to him yelling no into the mic. This notion of like, the guy's a hard working, God fearing family member who lost his job and now had to take to the streets is total and utter bullshit.

[Gavin Newsom]

But what about the picture of real homelessness, which is a poor mom with two kids with a husband who took off and left her, who's sitting there struggling on that minimum wage job and all of a sudden now is out in the streets and sidewalks desperately trying to find some help, get her life back, can't get those kids into childhood.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's what happened to Joel. That's the tough thing. Yeah, that's tough.

[Gavin Newsom]

And that's a picture of family homelessness.

[Adam Carolla]

That. No, that's a postage stamp. No, the real picture is bigger than the age quilt. And those are crazy junkies.

[Gavin Newsom]

Yeah, but no, I will challenge you on this. What you're talking about is chronic homeless, which is the picture we have of homeless.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know, but see, I mean, he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Challenging me, challenge me on what?

[Kellen Erskine]

He has no stats to back it up. And I just know that if I take my family to maybe a city or part of town to go to a restaurant or anything, I don't have my kids huddle around me. I never say, careful, there's a lot, lot of moms out here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. With full time. Many of them are at their full time jobs right now. But the moms and the kids gotta watch out. You gotta watch out for the moms. Something's wrong with the person. Something's wrong with Gavin Newsom. I don't know how else to describe it. By the way. If he has me on his podcast, I'm showing up with this tape and we're gonna go over a lot of this stuff. So, Gavin, I know you're fucking world class pussy, but if you. If you want the fight that everyone wants, that's me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, it's true.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what the people want. I'm the people's champion. You're the people's retard. If I show up, I'm bringing this tape and we're gonna break it down and you can talk all the fuck you want, but we're gonna listen to your brain as it pertains to homelessness, as it pertains to the black and Hispanic. We're gonna break down the game film now. He doesn't want to do that. How is he gonna defend this? This. It's all junkies.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, the mom who's out of work, I don't care about her. She's somewhere, she's not slamming drugs and chasing people around the machete down a Venice Beach. She's somewhere working.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

God, he's such a fucking idiot. Ooh, we have the promo Gavin Newsom podcast.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, sick.

[Adam Carolla]

Give it a pro. Give it a shot.

[Gavin Newsom]

We need to change the conversation. And that's why I'm launching a new podcast. And this is going to be anything but the ordinary politician podcast. I'm going to be talking to people directly that I disagree with as well as people I look up to. But more important than anything else, I'll be talking directly with you, the listener. Real conversations. What's going on with the cost of eggs? What are the impacts, real impacts to you around terror? What power does an executive order really.

[Adam Carolla]

Have and what's really going on? All right, Talking about sexy subjects. What's going on with eggs, bro? I don't know. Are they $8? Are they $4? I don't fucking know.

[Kellen Erskine]

He's a guy who wouldn't, by the way, eggs.

[Adam Carolla]

If eggs were $22 a carton, they would still be worth it. Like, it's the healthiest thing. You can eat two of them. That's breakfast and lunch. I mean, you're good, you know, it's like a perfect food. If somebody said, look, there's a dozen eggs, right? Yeah. We're used to paying 26 cents an egg. Okay, now we're paying 39 cents an egg. I wouldn't. I'm not outraged. I'm still. I still think it's pretty good. That's pretty good for an egg. All right, so under your math, that's 40 cents an egg. I have two eggs. That's 80 cents. I think that's. I'm okay with that. I think I could cover hun. Can we cover 80 cents for Brett? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think we got it. We don't have to go into our savings.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's so condescending at elitist, too, for him to build up that whole teaser of his podcast to be like, weird this.

[Adam Carolla]

What about eggs? How about cabbage? What about a head of cabbage?

[Kellen Erskine]

The real issues brunch is getting pricey. Am I right?

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I'm not gonna go over easy on any of these subjects. I'll scramble your brain, bro. What are eggs? All I hear is eggs are. Eggs are seven dollars or nine.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Five.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I. Okay, five. Okay. You bought a carton eggs?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, it's $5. Five dollars is 40 cents an egg or 41 and a half cents an egg or something. Right? That's five. 41 and a half. Four times 12. 48. Oh, sorry, that's 48. No, it's under four. 48 and then it's two. There's a penny. Hold on. 48. Oh, 20. Yeah, it's 41.3 cents an egg, is it not? What is it? Someone's gonna have to get their phone out.

[Kellen Erskine]

But it's all just a distraction.

[Adam Carolla]

$5 into 12. 5 into 12. Sorry. Or 12 into 5. Or whatever. Whatever it is, it's 41.3 cents or something. I don't know. Someone will do it.

[Kellen Erskine]

Yes, well, it's just a distraction because if you wanted to talk about real issues, he could talk about how a small business, when they want to stop, start a C corp. You have to pay $800 a year in California, but in Utah, it's 65.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Kellen Erskine]

Could we talk about that? That seems like a multiplier worth talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

What about the eggs? All right, so it's 40 cents an egg or what is it?

[Dawson]

Sorry, 41.6.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I was way off my 41.3. But anyway, D minus student. Anyway, the point is this. It's under 42 cents an egg. I don't call that outrageous. For what has been described to me by some nutritionist as the perfect food egg. They said that's if you just. It has it all.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's what's right there.

[Adam Carolla]

And you just do two of those. And now you're up to a grand total of 83 and a half cents. But we're still under a dollar, people. In a world where a pack of cigarettes is like $14 and a gallon of gas is 5.50, I think we do the egg for 40 cents. I don't know. It's not weighing. I'm rich, so maybe I'm out of it, but it's not weighing heavily on my mind.

[Kellen Erskine]

If you look at somebody like the average family's monthly grocery budget, it means now instead of $770, it's 783.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's insane.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. All right, Kel, let's give you a plug. You got dates all over the place. Playing the aforementioned sunken bus. Yeah, but dates. And you go to the website, right?

[Kellen Erskine]

Yeah. Kellenurskin.com find out. We're all going to be in Ohio and Bakersfield coming up. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All the garden spots of the world. Ohio, Bakersfield. If there's an azure sea and a beautiful woman, Helen's going to be.

[Kellen Erskine]

It's an agricultural tour. And then my podcast, the book pile.

[Adam Carolla]

I will be doing Stand up in Phoenix tomorrow. And then Saturday and Sunday, early shows sold out. But late shows got some tickets left, so you can check that out. I think Sunday's not sold out yet. Just go tomcroll.com for all the live shows. Until next time, stand Up Kroll for Kell Nerskine and Mayhem Saiyan Mahala.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You.

[Dawson]

Can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744. Go ahead and do that now. Thank you. And then get tickets to see the Ace man this weekend, Desert Ridge Improv. I'll be on some of Those [e-mail].

[Adam Carolla]

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