Gina, Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: "Gina, Alison and Bryan (Corolla Classics)" Summary

Podcast Information:

• Title: Adam Carolla Show
• Host/Author: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
• Episode: Gina, Alison and Bryan (Corolla Classics)
• Release Date: January 18, 2025

Overview: In this special episode of the Adam Carolla Show, titled "Gina, Alison and Bryan (Corolla Classics)," host Adam Carolla revisits some of the most memorable moments from his 15-year-long podcast journey. Hosted by superfan Giovanni, this compilation showcases unfiltered humor, sharp insights, and candid discussions featuring guests like Gina Grad and Brian Bishop. The episode delves into Adam’s personal anecdotes, societal observations, stand-up comedy insights, and includes interactive call-in segments offering advice and commentary on current events.

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1. Adam’s Hawaiian Misadventures and Food Fiasco (00:50 - 11:17)

Trip to Hawaii: Adam Carolla kicks off the episode by sharing his recent trip to Maui, highlighting his dissatisfaction with the food served at a local sandwich shop. He recounts ordering a Reuben sandwich that disastrously missed the mark:

Adam Carolla [00:50]: "Hope you guys enjoy. Good day, Gina, Grad, good day to you. And bald Ryan. You suck."

Reuben Sandwich Debacle: Adam's detailed critique of the "Hawaiian Reuben" becomes a recurring theme, emphasizing the importance of authentic ingredients and preparation:

Adam Carolla [07:25]: "The point is, is Lynette takes a bite of it and, like, just about spits it out. Literally just spits it out."

He humorously suggests that adding "Hawaiian" to any classic dish is a recipe for disaster, leading to universally disliked variations:

Adam Carolla [06:28]: "Hawaiian doesn't really help anything. The word Hawaiian does."

New Year’s Resolutions and Societal Changes: Adam reflects on his family's conversation about New Year’s resolutions, commenting on the generational shift in attitudes towards self-improvement. He critiques the notion that modern society promotes complacency:

Adam Carolla [01:37]: "No resolution means giving it. No thought means strung out on methadone and it's one day at a time or it means I'm so far ahead of the game it's really folly."

Catamaran Experience and Byron Allen Encounter: During his Maui trip, Adam meets Byron Allen, reminiscing about past interactions and their current friendship. The conversation turns to recreational activities like snorkeling and attending a luau, where Adam observes the disconnect between traditional experiences and modern distractions:

Adam Carolla [19:11]: "The kids. One of the coolest images is a lot of the kids, for a long period of time, were just laying face down on this netting, this webbing that goes in between the two main hulls, and they're just laying there just staring at the ocean as it Goes zooming by."

2. Luau Disappointments and Modern Parenting (12:39 - 32:55)

Luau Observations: Adam shares his experience at a luau, criticizing the lack of engagement from children who are preoccupied with their devices rather than participating in traditional festivities:

Adam Carolla [28:24]: "Nothing can be a two way, one way street. There has to be. If it brings you delight to see them really appreciating these events and these."

He humorously contrasts his nostalgia for the Brady Bunch’s portrayal of luau activities with the current reality of disinterested attendees:

Adam Carolla [29:32]: "Like, Lost in Space was a more realistic TV show to me than the Brady Bunch because that I could picture, like, sometime in the future."

Family Navidad and Ranch Visits: The discussion shifts to family traditions, highlighting annual visits to a ranch in Solvang. Adam and his wife Christy reflect on raising their 15-month-old daughter Tessa amidst these familial activities, noting the challenges and joys of parenting:

Adam Carolla [42:21]: "And now, with Tessa as a 15 month old, it's like unlocking a new level of a video game."

3. Stand-Up Comedy Insights and Personal Anecdotes (33:29 - 91:36)

Stand-Up Evolution: Adam and his guests delve into the evolution of stand-up comedy, discussing influential comedians like Lenny Bruce and Mitch Hedberg. They explore the challenges of maintaining originality and the impact of personal experiences on comedic material:

Gina Grad [61:48]: "I did an impression of, like, a beach manatee. And I, like, I started convulsing on the ground, and there's just nothing, like, silence."

Call-In Segment: Relationship Advice: A notable segment features a caller, Trey, seeking advice on navigating a polyamorous relationship where his bisexual girlfriend desires another partner. The discussion highlights the complexities and potential pitfalls of such arrangements:

Trey [67:53]: "I wouldn't be able to interact with that girl at all. It'd just be my girlfriend and watching Good idea or bad idea?"

Adam and his co-hosts humorously dissect the situation, emphasizing the emotional repercussions and advising caution:

Adam Carolla [68:34]: "Have all the fun you want. Experiment all you want, do all you want, but probably don't. Start a family, get her pregnant, have kids."

Bodily Humor and Comedy Styles: The conversation often veers into humorous takes on bodily functions and the appropriateness of such themes in comedy. They reflect on personal experiences with stand-up, the maturation of comedic style, and the appeal of different humor genres:

Adam Carolla [55:06]: "There's a song that was written in the 70s about my asshole and it's melancholy, but I think it's worth a listen."

4. News Commentary: Aaron Hernandez and Legal System (85:00 - 94:22)

Aaron Hernandez’s Legal Troubles: The show addresses the latest developments in Aaron Hernandez’s legal battles, where he faces multiple murder charges. The discussion critiques the legal system’s handling of such cases, questioning the logistics and fairness in prosecuting crimes across different jurisdictions:

Alison Rosen [95:23]: "So former New England Patriot tight end Aaron Hernandez has been charged with two new murders."

Adam mockingly questions the transportation of inmates and the absurdity of the legal proceedings:

Adam Carolla [96:21]: "So they do got that right over there. Yeah, he just found guilty for conspiracy to commit murder. Not committing the murder part because he just kind of sat in his car while the other guy did squeezing of the trigger."

Donald Sterling and Media Apologies: Further news commentary involves Donald Sterling, the disgraced former owner of the LA Clippers, where Adam and the panel discuss his attempts at public apologies and the public’s reception:

Alison Rosen [108:09]: "Have you seen any of the interview that he gave on Anderson Cooper?"

Adam satirizes Sterling’s apologies, blending humor with critical observations on racism and личный accountability:

Adam Carolla [109:54]: "Yeah. He just sounds like he's trying to show everyone he's got dementia by going clinger for mash on everyone's ass."

5. Final Remarks and Advertisements (91:36 - End)

Closing Segments: As the episode wraps up, Adam promotes upcoming events, book signings, and endorses sponsors like NatureBox, emphasizing healthy snacking alternatives. The hosts continue their characteristic banter, blending humor with promotional content seamlessly:

Adam Carolla [85:00]: "Another advertisement for NatureBox. Try Naturebox right now. Get 50% off with promo code Adam."

Interactive and Humorous Sign-Off: The episode concludes with light-hearted interactions among the hosts, reinforcing the show's engaging and irreverent tone:

Adam Carolla [117:15]: "And get it on."

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Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [00:50]: "Hope you guys enjoy. Good day, Gina, Grad, good day to you. And bald Ryan. You suck."
• Adam Carolla [07:25]: "The point is, is Lynette takes a bite of it and, like, just about spits it out."
• Adam Carolla [28:24]: "Nothing can be a two way, one way street."
• Adam Carolla [55:06]: "There's a song that was written in the 70s about my asshole and it's melancholy, but I think it's worth a listen."
• Adam Carolla [96:21]: "So they do got that right over there. Yeah, he just found guilty for conspiracy to commit murder."
• Adam Carolla [109:54]: "He just sounds like he's trying to show everyone he's got dementia by going clinger for mash on everyone's ass."

Conclusion: This "Corolla Classics" episode serves as a nostalgic journey through Adam Carolla's extensive podcast repertoire, blending personal stories, societal critiques, humor, and candid discussions. It offers both long-time listeners and newcomers a comprehensive glimpse into the dynamic and often unfiltered world of the Adam Carolla Show.

Transcript

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast.

[Giovanni]

We play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics for which the ad free archives are exclusively available through Adam Corolla's substack. Make sure to check out adamcarolla.substack.com sign up, get access. You can also get access to Beat it out, the new show currently featuring.

[Gina Grad]

Adam and Jay Moore.

[Giovanni]

Now let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carolla Show 2230 featuring Gina Grad and Brian Bishop. The 2018 State of the Union. Adam's got some beefs with his trip to Hawaii and in particular some food he was served. It's overall a very fun clip that captures the spirit of the show at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope you guys enjoy. Good day, Gina, Graham, good day to you. And bald Ryan. You suck.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

Happy New Year.

[Adam Carolla]

Much to talk about, much travel, many events. Been a long time. We'll get everyone caught up on what went on in their holidays and vacations and events and things like that.

[Giovanni]

Are you still wearing your coconut bra?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I just got back from Maui late last night.

[Brian Bishop]

I certainly hope this wasn't your vacation wear because you're pretty fancy today.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm dressing for success in 2018.

[Giovanni]

Nice.

[Brian Bishop]

I did not get that memo.

[Adam Carolla]

That is my New Year's resolution.

[Giovanni]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

And we'll get more into that after our first break. We'll get into your guys resolutions and new people will call in. And all this I will say in general, little bit of dismay. I was sitting around the table with all the kids and all the parents yesterday in Maui with cousin Sal and Daniel from the man show and their kids, Danny two sheets. Danny two sheets. And sitting around with everybody and the kids at one table. And at some point it was. We were sitting around on New Year's Day and I said, so what's everyone's New Year's resolution? And not only did they not have one, they had given it no thought. No thought. And then better or worse, it's a rich man, poor man thing. No resolution means giving it. No thought means strung out on methadone and it's one day at a time or it means I'm so far ahead of the game it's really folly. And by the way, I live my life this way anyway. I don't have to sit around and make a list of Stuff every day I climb it.

[Brian Bishop]

Ferris, Tony Robbins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That's what I do anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I feel. And it's also, it's kind of interesting. It's sort of like lottery tickets. I think the poorest of the poor buy lottery tickets and then super duper rich guys buy them when they're $2 billion. Just as folly like on a win.

[Giovanni]

Hey, why not?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't, it's not. Doesn't feel like a middle classy kind of thing. So I asked everyone at my table, all the adults, none of them had any. And then I turned to the kids table and none of them had any either. And then I thought to myself, is this going the way the dodo? And is it all part and parcel the new world we're living in where people are like, I'm perfect the way I am?

[Brian Bishop]

Golden rule.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, think about this. Number one is always like lose weight. We used to fat shame. There's no fat shaming anymore. Everyone's beautiful. Everyone's beautiful in their underpants. So why should you lose weight? If you're already beautiful and you're morbidly obese and you're not beautiful, but you're already, you've been told you're beautiful, what's the impetus for the young person to go, I gotta do this right?

[Brian Bishop]

And it might be the same with money too. It's always make more money, have more prosperity. But with now, you know, everyone getting all outraged again about how the haves and the have nots and life is.

[Giovanni]

Just much easier if you have less money. So what's the point of making that change?

[Adam Carolla]

The also, I mean the big one, the big one that's always there is smoking. But smoking's been on the decline so much cigarettes for so long keep going down for so long that people, it's just not. There's not a big enough group of smokers. All right, so we'll get into, we'll get into a little more into detail with that after the, after the break. I had this in no particular order, but I experienced this at the airport on the way out of Maui yesterday, which is, there's like the sandwich shop with the bar and they sell the chips and the waters and stuff. And we were going to eat before, get some snacks. We're flying a coach on Virgin on the way home. And it was fine, but we kind of knew if you want, it was like a six hour flight. If you want to eat now, it's time to eat. I can do a lot of eating on the plane. So my wife Lynette. So she pops into the place and she says, I ordered us a Reuben sandwich. And I had that thought. Which is a thought. I don't know if you guys ever have this thought, which is, I probably shouldn't be eating a Reuben sandwich. But as long as you ordered a Reuben sandwich and I can eat the Reuben sandwich. Right? So she orders the Reuben. Yep. But I ordered us, and I went to go hit the other. Hit the bathroom, and then I came back and the Reuben sandwich had arrived.

[Giovanni]

The only thing that can ruin Reuben sandwich is amazing. The only thing that ruined is the word airport. Airport Reuben.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's a word that'll do more damage to a Reuben than even the word airport, which is Hawaiian Reuben.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they put her on a sweet roll.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they did a lot worse than that.

[Giovanni]

Some sort of pork or Spam. Oh, no, not Spam.

[Brian Bishop]

Musubi.

[Adam Carolla]

Hawaiian doesn't really help anything. The word Hawaiian does. Whatever comes after it. Hawaiian car.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hawaiian college, Even pizza. You put Hawaiian in front of something.

[Brian Bishop]

It'S gonna be screwed up in front of tanning oil.

[Adam Carolla]

Hawaiian gardens. You don't want Hawaiian. Yeah. Hawaiian therapist.

[Giovanni]

Hawaiian facelift.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You just don't want Hawaiian in front of anything.

[Giovanni]

Sounds like Cuban necktie. Like you're getting the Hawaiian facelift.

[Brian Bishop]

Pull your tongue out through your ears.

[Giovanni]

Tell us what you want.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's this. So there's. There's always two parts to these events. There's the part where the Reuben has arrived, and I come back from the bathroom, and it's toasty, and it's golden, and it looks good, and it's not on Hawaiian bread. It's on, like, an egg bread or whatever. You'd make a Reuben rye. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Probably. What you'd make a Reuben with.

[Giovanni]

Quick side note. Do you go straight, like, traditional Reuben? I always go pastrami Reuben. Pastrami.

[Adam Carolla]

Reuben's awesome. And rye's great. I think you can even do it on sourdough.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, totally.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, is Lynette takes a bite of it and, like, just about spits it out. Literally just spits it out.

[Giovanni]

Oh, no point.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I take a bite of it, and it's just. It's weird. It doesn't. It doesn't resemble a Reuben sandwich. That's the problem. It's not a Reuben sandwich. It's not.

[Giovanni]

That's a specific sandwich.

[Adam Carolla]

It has chunks of pork. Not pulled pork, but just chunks. Chunks of pork in there, which is. It's weird. And I Like pork. It's weird. And then instead of sauerkraut, I guess, or cheese or what they would have in a Reuben, they have you both. They have done coleslaw, which is okay. I like coleslaw. I like pork. I like coleslaw. When you bite into the sandwich, as they said in Spinal Tap with the review shit sandwich, it's just horrible. And it's not me. Lynette and I, we, we agree to disagree on almost everything, but what we do agree on is how horrible the sandwich is. And it's not like, well, that's her, that's him. But I bet another group would come in and be delighted with it. Nobody can be happy with this. Nobody can be happy with it.

[Giovanni]

Especially when the thing you ordered is.

[Brian Bishop]

A Reuben sandwich which has like five standard ingredients.

[Giovanni]

They aren't buried.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? So again, do the best Reuben you can do. And we get it. It's not going to be Arts Deli, or whatever your favorite deli is. It's just going to be an airport version of that. But this isn't even that. This is not. Look, you take Hawaiian bread or egg bread or whatever it is, you then put in the pork. You pull out the pastrami or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

You put in already, not a Reuben.

[Adam Carolla]

You take out the cheese once. You take all the different parts. Hey, I got Houdini's one. We replace the tip, the middle and the base. It's Houdini's one. It's like, no, it's not. You replaced everything. You used the wrong bread. You didn't use sauerkraut. You didn't use cheese as a Swiss cheese. You didn't use Swiss cheese. And you didn't use pastrami. You used chunks of pork. So first off, should we have some sanctioning body where you're not allowed to name it something that it isn't?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that's right. There could be funny.

[Brian Bishop]

Makes no sense.

[Adam Carolla]

And who could possibly be happy. Who could possibly be happy with this sandwich? Especially because you named it well.

[Brian Bishop]

And even on the off chance, let's say even on the off chance it tasted good, it's still not what you order. It's still not what you're expecting, right?

[Adam Carolla]

But it never tasted.

[Giovanni]

Did the kids try it? Because I imagine kids would like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynette, like, picked it apart. And then I'm just eating the bread with nothing. And the beauty is, I know, cost me $17. That's the other beautiful part.

[Giovanni]

Just what you want for a six hour flight.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I had to get into this one, which is. I had to go back. Lynette's. Like, they said it was a Reuben sandwich. It was a Reuben sandwich. And then I went and looked. I said. It said Hawaiian Reuben. And that's. That's the point where you stop y. You see Hawaiian and Reuben. And that means something. Something. Under is the super boring. But slow and steady wins the race. Turkey and cheddar.

[Giovanni]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, it's at that point I'm going, Mel.

[Giovanni]

The road.

[Adam Carolla]

That point, you have to cut your losses. Like, you have to go, I don't. I would love a Reuben. I would love a Reuben. Everyone loves a Reuben. But here's the rub.

[Brian Bishop]

That ain't a Ruben.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't get a Ruben. You get a Hawaiian Reuben. Now you at the airport getting a Reuben Reuben. It's not gonna be a great Reuben, but maybe it'll resemble a room. They put the word Hawaiian in front of it. We're screwed. Now you gotta dip down to the cold turkey that you don't want. It's not gonna be a good turkey sandwich, but at least you know what.

[Brian Bishop]

You got goods is advertised.

[Giovanni]

I had the under on the number of times the word Ruben to be said today. And, boy, am I off to a.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad start this year. So that was the Hawaiian Reuben. And I don't know. Like, have they ever got a compliment? Like, I feel like I could line up. I could line up a thousand people to taste this Reuben, and they would all. And by the way, if there ever was a Jew that wrapped their cheek.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, their plump lips around this sandwich, there would be lawsuits. Like, you could get Gargos to represent you if a Jew took a bite of this. Especially with the pork. Sure. All right.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That in 2018. I'd like to. I'd like to work on that one a little. Or I'd like to just say to people, you can't say the name. You call it whatever you want.

[Giovanni]

We need to standardize the nomenclature. You can make whatever you want.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an old woman behind the counter. What's that bitch's name? Sandy. Good. Call it wine. Sandy Sandwich. That'll be it. And then you can explain what it is. And then they cannot order it once you explain what it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Would you like your Reuben? Sandy's Way.

[Giovanni]

We could name it after the chef. Hey, Ruben, get over here.

[Adam Carolla]

On a better front, we were staying at a big resort in Maui. It's all for the kids. Everything's for the kids. All about the kids.

[Brian Bishop]

All Inclusive. You wear the wristband or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's kind of that way. It's not really all inclusive. It's mainly just sign everything to your room and get couch.

[Giovanni]

But where was it?

[Adam Carolla]

Where? In Maui?

[Giovanni]

No, resort.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, grand. Grand.

[Giovanni]

That's got the big, like the rock slide, the water slide for the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all.

[Giovanni]

It's got a huge pool feature, I guess you want to call it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all kids. It's all kids stuff. It's like for the adults, but it's all. All for the kids. And that's. That's fine, except for they don't deserve it, but they serve drinks. But that's what the drinks are for. But a certain point just had this weird moment, this uncomfortable moment. I was standing with Danny, two sheets by the pool, and a guy walked past us, and I didn't really notice him. And then he kind of turned around and I looked up and Danny two sheets was standing behind me. And the guy, a nice looking black man, turned around and said, hey, man. And then I heard Daniel behind me go, hey, man, how you doing? And then I was sort of processing the thing, and then he went, adam. And I went, huh? And he went, byron Allen. What? And I went, what?

[Giovanni]

My old friend.

[Adam Carolla]

My old friend Byron. Yeah. So super nice. Dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you stroll down memory lane about you and Kevin Hart?

[Adam Carolla]

I did. Told him I was annoyed having to watch Kevin Hart not be funny next to me. And then seeing the next commercial for Jumanji after we go to break. So he's like, hey, did you say hi to Howie? And I'm like, who's here? Howie Mandel's here. I'm like, oh, he is? Yeah. So we walk around looking for him. He has like a whole cabana with his wife and kids and grandkids now. That's so cool. I gotta say, I thought. I've always thought Howie was a real nice guy. And he is a really nice guy, but he's beyond nice. But also, he's got two great things. He's a Jew, but he's a Canadian Jew.

[Giovanni]

Ooh, the rare combo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This great. He's got this great. It's like Menchi without the complaint part.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a unicorn.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

Like the flannel yama.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think because I feel like the Canadian Canadians are cooler. They're not. They're not the complainers. Like, there's something about them, that there's a little. They know how to have fun. They're little whatever. And the Jews. Sorry, the Jews are menchie. But then they have the whole complaint side to him too. But he's from Canada, so he's washed that out of his hair. He's washed his hair out of his hair. So he's over there. He's the world's greatest guy. And he's Byron. We find him at the restaurant. I just pull up a chair and we sit down and we sit with his family. We sit around and we're eating and I'm having a beer and blah, blah, blah. And at a certain point he says, hey, I got this catamaran. Oh, leaving out of Walla Lupu or whatever.

[Giovanni]

Solanette's Instagram video. The you guys all laying out there on the catamaran.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a 65 foot catamaran. Big time camera. The kind of stuff you see in movies.

[Giovanni]

Waterworld.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a. Yeah, that was a trimaran or something. It was like a tri hole or something. For some reason, that thing had three somethings. Was the big claim to fame. But yes, that's it. But you've seen these things on every. Every time.

[Giovanni]

The big netting or the big whatever up front.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, every time someone looks like they're having fun, we're looking for pictures from. Hit up. Natalia, would you. I don't know what.

[Giovanni]

Lynette, there's Instagram.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably an Instagram something. All right, either way, hit up. Yeah, bug Natalia. She's probably awake or something and get her. Tell her to send it. We just have some pictures.

[Brian Bishop]

She's probably awake.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, is. Lynette's working on something. I think it's probably ignoring Chris's. Please. But no, no, she. She got back to me. She said she's emailing to Kaylin right.

[Giovanni]

Now, but we still haven't received it yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Oh, yeah, we'll get him. Oh, well, then don't.

[Giovanni]

Gina is too.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. Still waiting.

[Giovanni]

It's 2:20 on a school day. She's probably away.

[Brian Bishop]

Give her a break.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we're. Yeah, we're waiting on the. Yeah, they're coming. That's. That's the thing. All right, so she'll email them to Dylan. So anyway, so he's like, we're going on the boat on Sunday and you gotta drive like 45 minutes and go to the berth and. Oh, actually there is no berth. They pull it right onto the sand. Ooh. And you get on it just because of the way it's designed. And you just walk right onto the boat. They Have a ladder comes down the steps that come down, blah, blah, blah. And next thing you know, you're just out in the open ocean and you're tooling around. You're going to the best snorkeling spot on the island, and it's an hour away, and it's this cove, you know, and everything.

[Giovanni]

A lot of times, the place can't get to by car or any other way because you. You have to sail up to these rocky shores, right?

[Brian Bishop]

What was the weather like, pirate weather.

[Adam Carolla]

Or nice, beautiful, little choppy fun for me. Not for Sonny.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, she's scary.

[Adam Carolla]

But Howie. So Howie's like, you guys want to come? You guys, you know, you and your family want to come on this boat? We got this boat, like, it holds, I don't know, 30 people, 35 people. And I just got my group, and my group's got, you know, his group at nine people or something like that. I'm like, yeah, yeah, that'd be great. And he's like, good. Just give me a headcount, and we'll be happy to do it. And at some point, I had to give him the head count, which was 11, which was everybody but cousin Sal, who. Win, win. Cannot travel. I've seen him throw up into a snorkel. He can't snorkel. He'll throw up into a snorkel.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he will.

[Giovanni]

Maybe he should try to drink.

[Adam Carolla]

You can go to AdamCroll.com and see this picture of Howie Mandela.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, is that your kids with Letterman?

[Adam Carolla]

Howie. Howie's grown a beard. My kids love America's Got Talent, so they're all going berserk with Howie and all the America's Got talents.

[Giovanni]

Finally, a real star.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and it was. There's. I mean, just sailing around that Maui coast, obviously, the best whales and everything like that. Me and Danny, Two Sheets were there doing a little Titanic reenactment. So we're having the time. We're having the time of our lives.

[Giovanni]

The catamaran is awesome because you can lie in that netting or whatever's up there, and, like, as the boat's going along, you feel like. You feel like you're flying a little bit or at least skimming across, you know, like, across the top of the water.

[Adam Carolla]

The kids. One of the coolest images is a lot of the kids, for a long period of time, were just laying face down on this netting, this webbing that goes in between the two main hulls, and they're just laying there just staring at the ocean as it Goes zooming by. And it's so blue and the sun's shining. It's amazing. Everybody to the COVID and anchor at the COVID And then everybody off the boat and into the ocean and swimming around in the COVID You get dolphins.

[Giovanni]

Swimming along with you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we saw whales, but we did not see dolphins. So anyway, Howie, just the menchiest of all mensches. And I just forgot about this part. So, you know, I said to Howie before we left, so I said, I got 11 people. And he said, okay, bring them all down. And I said, that sounds like a lot of people. Like more than you, right? You who chartered the boat, the boats. It's got to be 10 grand if it's a penny. Because it's all the food, all the booze, all the crew. You're out all day. Like, it can't be $1,800. They've never. They spend that in diesel for this one thing. It's gotta be some big chunk. And I'm actually bringing more people than he's. He's bringing weighing down the boat. And now, minus cousin Sal, who throws up into the thing. But also, it was Sunday and it was with the two hour time difference, he had to go find a sports bar at 8am and sit alone at a horrible sports bar off in some Maui like strip mall and just watch TV all day while we all took off just driving the coast is amazing. But when you get on the boat and then you run the coast, absolutely amazing. And the snorkeling was amazing. Everything just the wind blowing like the kids going nuts. The kids just again, just lying on their face on the mesh and just staring at it. It's just the greatest. The greatest. And so Howie, who I was. So. He's the menchiest guy. He really is the friendliest, easiest, nicest, sincerest guy in the world. And I said to him, you snorkel? And he said, yeah. I said, huh? He went like, what's that mean? I said, you don't seem like a snorkeling guy. And he's like, hey, I'm a weirdo with the whole hand bump, the whole fist bump thing, but I'm not a weirdo. I enjoy my life. I like doing stuff, you know, this.

[Brian Bishop]

Is rented, borrowed snorkeling gear.

[Adam Carolla]

It is, huh Again. But let's not forget, remember he had the box full of popcorn and he was offering everybody a hit off it, and everyone was reaching into it. This is one of my many. The part of life I cannot figure out is if you want to Go nuts over secondhand smoke and third hand smoke and outlaw it from smoking on the beach in Santa Monica. I'm with you. But we have to outlaw leaf blowers as well, because those are much worse. But we don't live in that world. We live in the world where the thing that's much less harmful, if harmful at all, if you're on a beach versus the thing that's super harmful in the middle of your neighborhood is completely fine. And it's a weird world. Reaching into things of popcorn and then shoving them into your mouth, physically making content. You can't do it unless you throw each piece in your mouth, but just you shove your hand against your mouth, which is touching against your mouth, and then you reach back into the community bucket and do it again. Way, way more than aggressive. Yeah, like the guys that are. Oh, they're out of seat liners, so I have to fashion one out of 26 pieces of two ply. And I'll just make a little mosaic on here, like whatever's on that toilet seat. Not as bad as what you're doing right now with the eight people that are all sitting around the honky tonk and everyone's reaching into the middle of the table and shoving it against their. Their mouth. But for some reason, we just have decided, no, that's fine. No, this is weird and gross. It's the same with insects. Like the cockroach. Weird and gross. Butterfly. Oh, cool. Beautiful. We just decide. And that's just who we are. So Howie is not all. I mean, he's weird with the fist bump, but he's not weird with the popcorn and other things. So.

[Brian Bishop]

And sticking used pieces of rubber in his head.

[Adam Carolla]

We were. Well, I don't know if he had packed some Purell dip or something or brought his own whatever, but, you know, so he was saying to me, oh, I'm. I like snorkeling, and this is some of the best snorkeling in Hawaii. And I said, okay, so good. And then we were getting ready to get on the boat, and the captain's giving the speech, and we're getting off the boat because we got to the snorkel spot, and the captain's like, here's what, this and that. And then at some point, she looked at Howie and said, you may want to get some mustache butter for that mask. The mask will leak.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, you gotta butter up that mustache. Yeah. There's something I never thought about. We got some wax or some pomade or something. You put on your mustache and it'll seal up that mask. Otherwise it's gonna keep leaking, and it's like, okay. And next thing you know, I'm in the water, and I'm looking around, and there's no Howie. No Howie. No Howie. And then everyone went snorkeling for, like, a good hour. And then got. I was there with Sonny, Natalia, and they're kicking around and having a good time. Lynette was out there and everything. And then we got off the boat, and there was Howie just staying on the boat. I said, howie, I thought you liked snorkeling. What's up with snorkeling? I'm not going for that mustache wax. What?

[Giovanni]

That was the bridge too far.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? Well, but it's part of being crazy, right? That's the inconsistency. Why did you kill the nursing students? I don't get it. You didn't even rob them. Well, I'm crazy. That's what I do. Yeah. Wow. Huh? I gotta get to the bottom of that. I'm trying to think, like, he obviously didn't have any backup beard butter with him. Although I could bring it on. If he gave me a few minutes, the boat would stop rocking so hard, I could probably produce some. But. So, okay, he didn't want to dip.

[Brian Bishop]

His finger into used.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it would have to be. I mean, it's not like, oh, we got a brand new can of beard butter. Can be the beard butter that they use on the ship that you'd have to go into, right? And then you'd have to. You'd have to. You'd have to. Sloth. What was that? What word am I saying? Slather. Slather. Slather. You'd have to slather it all. So you'd have to take two fingers, get into the. What I would presume use wax, and then you'd have to use. And then where other people's fingers had been before years, and you'd have to go upside your mustache with it.

[Brian Bishop]

So, popcorn. No problem. Beard butter problem.

[Giovanni]

But that's the hallmark of an insane person, is no rhyme or reason.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And now no real way to overcome this because he doesn't have his own beard butter with him.

[Giovanni]

My kingdom for the beard butter.

[Adam Carolla]

Although I'm not sure. Maybe you guys can tweet us later. But how, if you got a full mustache, does it really ruin. Is it really come in that fast? I could imagine it not working very well.

[Giovanni]

Dulcie went, oh, yes.

[Gina Grad]

When we were snooping and came in at a very, very slow leak. It gets irritating and annoying, but it.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn'T, it doesn't flood your mask. We won. Could still participate. Yeah, you can. Okay. All right. More to tell you first, I'll tell you about Lifelock man. Doing some post holiday sale shopping from your mobile device. Scammers can steal your credit card info and other data with phony retail apps only download apps from reputable stores and read reviews for complaints about malware. One in four people experience identity theft. If you're only monitoring your credit, your identity can still be stolen in ways you may not detect. Thieves could sell your info on the dark web or get an online payday loan in your name. Let's not let that happen now. We are in 2018, everybody. Let's take care of this. It's Lifelock. You go online, you're going to do so much shopping this year online. A lot of you got like gift certificates and things like that. You're going to go online and hammer some of those Amazon things. Lifelock detects a wide range of identity threats. If you've got a problem, the US based restoration specialists will work to fix it. They're the best. They're lifelocked. Awesome.

[Gina Grad]

No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions that all businesses.

[Adam Carolla]

Lifelock and uncover threats that you might miss. Join now and get 10% off with promo code Adam. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK or go to lifelock.com use promo code Adam.

[Gina Grad]

That's Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

To save 10% now. All right, so that was a ton of fun. There's so much more to report from and I can sprinkle it in throughout the week.

[Giovanni]

Say you're in a luau.

[Adam Carolla]

We're at the luau.

[Giovanni]

You have to do it now.

[Brian Bishop]

New Year's luau.

[Adam Carolla]

The I will.

[Giovanni]

You're mid complaint.

[Adam Carolla]

The one.

[Giovanni]

Well, here's I will say the luau was rife for complaints.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, look, you have to know the thing's just a big fat tourist trap. I mean you have to understand that. But the deal. So they say, well, you really get to enjoy things through the eyes of your kids. Like seeing those kids on the front of that catamaran whizzing through the ocean with the breeze in the face and laying down. Magical. On the other hand, you can be miserable when those little bitches don't appreciate stuff as well.

[Brian Bishop]

They're like hula dancers.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing can be a two way, one way street. There has to be. If it brings you delight to see them really appreciating these events and these.

[Giovanni]

Gifts, then why then Then when you.

[Adam Carolla]

See them open a soda, take one, draw off it, and then, like, dump it down the sink and go, well, then that's going to make you miserable for the same reason. If you couldn't enjoy the high, you couldn't enjoy the low, or you couldn't be miserable over the low.

[Giovanni]

We're giving Gina the hard sell on kids now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm ready to go.

[Adam Carolla]

You go to a luau. And, like, as a kid, all I knew from luau was watching the Brady Bunch. Yep. And it was like, oh, my God.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah. The girls in the skirts, skirts, coconut bra, shaking torches.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, Lost in Space was a more realistic TV show to me than the Brady Bunch because that I could picture, like, sometime in the future. They made spaceships and he made friends with a robot, and there's a pedophile up there with him and everything who's always scared. But Brady Bunch took place in our time with real parents and real kids staying in, like, real hotels, real love and affection and, like, going places and sitting in a luau and all the time. So my whole life, I've always been sort of. And I knew it was a tourist trap and I knew about all this stuff, but who cares? They're doing the show. At some point, I turn around and scan the kids and all the kids. And I think we had four or five kids there. All kids are staring at their devices. There's hot hula chicks up on stage, and they're, like, hitting the drum. You know, they're shaking and shaking and shaking, and they're all just staring down at their devices. And then at some point, they're like, we're bored. And they just get up and leave Mid show. Mid hula show. Mid hula show.

[Giovanni]

For the kids. No, I thought that, like, this was. If anyone.

[Gina Grad]

Enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's for the kids who were born, you know, up until 1975 and then had some sort of major head trauma where they didn't advance past the age of nine. Not these kids. They have a tablet. They're ruined. How are you gonna have these chicks up there and these dudes up there shaking their ass? How's that gonna compare to anything they have on their tablet? They all got up and left, then the wives all got up and left. And then it was just me and Sal and Danny, two sheets. And I'm like, we're not going anywhere.

[Giovanni]

And the kids born in 1975, who hadn't advanced past the of nine.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

The other.

[Brian Bishop]

There was no dad voice. There was no, hey, you're staying and watching this show.

[Giovanni]

And last, like, what do you want from me?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you do that, then they just complain. Then the wise presumably had to take care of the kids. Sure. But they didn't. Obviously they weren't interested in hanging out either. So they took off. Everyone just took off. And ironically, the guys who paid a buck. 17 ahead. Those guys were staying. The three dudes who paid.

[Giovanni]

And it's expensive.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's always nice to see, you know, $1,100 get up and walk out. But I was like, we're not going anywhere.

[Giovanni]

Leave your drink ticket.

[Adam Carolla]

The joke was on them because at the end, fire torch dude came out. That was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, yeah. So they missed fire torch guy.

[Brian Bishop]

How was the food? Because I can imagine it would freak the kids out to see a pig roasted in the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

The pig was. They did parade the pig around a little bit. They did like a victory layup, the pig. But the kids didn't really see it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's for the best.

[Adam Carolla]

The food is fine. You know, it's like banquet. It's just banquet. Yeah, it's. It's tourist trap. You know, food. I tried some poi just to say I did it just liquid nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it like a paste?

[Adam Carolla]

It's pasty, liquidy nothing. Yeah, it's. It's a. It's a zero. And so I'll. I'll keep it at that for Dave because we have Gina, we have bald, and also the state of the union as well. So why don't. Why don't we start with you, Gina? All right, What'd you do?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, for the first time in years, I. I honestly can't remember the last time I did this. I did not go anywhere and I did not do anything. And it was the most restorative, rejuvenating, self reflecting week that I have had in recent memory. I needed the sleep. I needed to just sort of like, be walking on the beach and thinking about a lot of things and thinking about my upcoming year and thinking about my past year and reconnecting with friends and making a lot of phone calls. And it sounded like it was gonna be super depressing and boring. And sometimes it was.

[Giovanni]

But overall, more moments of dark despair.

[Brian Bishop]

Overall, not going right from work to, you know, jumping in the car and going on the road trip or who has the plane tickets, we gotta leave tonight. It was absolutely. What, Necessary. It was what I needed.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, obviously travel can be super intense with kids especially, but Just in general. It's just the whole TSA business. And also then for you, if you. I'm all for the part where you just go. You don't have to go anywhere, but you do have to go to the beach. You have to find a body of water and walk around it.

[Alison Rosen]

Truth.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm lucky to live over there. So every day it was lots of, you know, just taking pictures and walking around and getting some exercise and a lot of thinking. And it just. It was really, really necessary. And I didn't realize I had a doctor's appointment and, you know, working on some stuff. And she's like, so how's the sleep been? How's the short term memory been? I said, great. She goes, oh, you're cured. I was like, of course I'm cured. I don't set my alarm for three in the morning anymore. I don't have a morning show job right now.

[Giovanni]

Interrupting your sleep.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly. Just alarming me out of my circadian rhythm every night. So just having this time to just sort of sleep again and thaw out and feel human again was more necessary than I even realized.

[Adam Carolla]

Side note made at the breakfast table. The girls brought up Spanx. Do they do anything? What do they do?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, they do.

[Adam Carolla]

And then somebody, one of the girls said, they just basically move fat from one place to another place, but they don't really get rid of anything. They just sort of move it. And I said, they work like the undergarment version of a leaf blower. Yeah, they don't actually pick anything up. They just spread it around.

[Brian Bishop]

It just looks better on the side than in the front.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. We'll just put some of your fat ass in the neighbor's pool and then.

[Giovanni]

His driveway put it back in yours.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. So very chill. You got. Let's see, there was a song. You've never been to me.

[Brian Bishop]

You've been to Charlene. Charlotte, I've been to paradise.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, could be a tool tune.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the most tool tune. And she gives a speech in the middle of it. Hey, you with the kids and the husband.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a lie.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a lie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you gotta find that one.

[Brian Bishop]

It's one of my favorite songs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And remember, we just went on vacation. We went to Cozumel in Key west and had a cruise. I just needed to chill out.

[Giovanni]

There is a. I've Never Been to Me by Charlene.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the one. Oh, it's so good. Roll your windows up.

[Adam Carolla]

Windows up. Have we just.

[Giovanni]

Song. Should we cut to the talking Part.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

This is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Turn up. Have we discussed this on Regimented? Like to bring a little that back.

[Giovanni]

It's not all bad.

[Adam Carolla]

From the early 80s.

[Brian Bishop]

Things you never do.

[Adam Carolla]

But I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to.

[Brian Bishop]

Break it down.

[Adam Carolla]

She's talking to her old self. I missed the preacher man and the preacher's daughter. Guys talking about banging the preacher's daughter.

[Brian Bishop]

Son of a preacher man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Brian, you know this one?

[Giovanni]

This man come on the show years ago. That's familiar, but I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

I think there's one more verse and then the speech. Please, lady, she's beseeching don't just walk away.

[Giovanni]

Cause I have this need to tell. Only there's a music video.

[Adam Carolla]

Today.

[Brian Bishop]

I can see so much of me.

[Adam Carolla]

Still living in your eyes Won't you share a part of what we. Oh, you gotta pause it for a second. You know what? I think I just jumped in my mind. You know, there's some guy who. At the time of this tape. At the time they laid this down. 1981. Sure. 80, 79. Figure it out. Max. When they're laying this down, you know, there was a dude who is at the time now when they're laying it down in 1981. He's 53 years old, but he played keyboards with Grand Funk. Vanilla Fudge.

[Giovanni]

He was in the Wrecking Crew.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he played with all the. 76. Was it recorded in 70? Look it up again. Yeah. Record 76 released in 77. Wow. All right. So perfect. Still, 10 decade earlier, the dude was playing in front of. Yeah, just. But he know this guy was playing with. With Motley Hoople and stuff like that. And they're doing the greatest music ever. Now he has to sit in because he needs that gig after the divorce. And he's become a session guy. He's still trying to keep the long hair, but there's a bald spot in the middle of it. And there's always some discussion about 38 special. Let's see. It would be the Outlaws getting back together.

[Giovanni]

Number one hit from Motown Records. So you know that he was part of that.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, they just shifted.

[Giovanni]

Probably was probably part of that great era, you know, 10, 15 years earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

Now he's forced to sit there and just play for this. Who's giving us her recipe for life. All right, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Next verse. A little rating.

[Adam Carolla]

And the Isle of Greeks.

[Giovanni]

I sipped champagne on a. Yeah, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Rhyme in with D.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, me too. All right, strap in.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Here. So you gotta do it.

[Alison Rosen]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people in places that we'd like them to be. But you know what truth is? It's that little baby you're holding. And it's that man you fought with this morning. The same one you're going to make love to tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. That's love. Wow, Gina Grant.

[Brian Bishop]

I love this song.

[Giovanni]

Is this the first song you heard?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, Gina, just don't play it, but find Midnight Train to Georgia. As long as we're talking about. I had some thoughts. So, Gina, you've been to paradise and you just went to you.

[Brian Bishop]

I realized Hermosa B, I hadn't been.

[Adam Carolla]

To Me not been to Redondo? No.

[Brian Bishop]

I've been to Nice. I've been to Greece. Moved like Marlo Montego.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been to Huntington Beach.

[Brian Bishop]

I have not been to Hermosa.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so that's what. Yeah, that's what I did. I like that. I like that.

[Giovanni]

That was great. Am I supposed to top that?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game, live betting, Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games in these events, in these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Bet online. The game starts here. What'd you do?

[Giovanni]

Bullfront. As you know, the kids, at least at a young age, having a little kid is a get out of travel free card. When you get older, you gotta go to Hawaii.

[Brian Bishop]

Like Thanksgiving.

[Giovanni]

Exactly. Well, that was unfortunate. That was sickness. But like, you know, there's no plans for Christmas. Everyone's gotta come to us. If you want to come to Christmas, come to us. So my parents came down and visited a couple days before. We spent Christmas at home. Christmas night we made dinner, invited a couple friends over who were, you know, out of towners, who families from Pittsburgh and New York. They brought their little girls and Christie's family and we had a awesome Christmas night Christmas at home. And then we do what we do every year, her family. I think I've Mentioned this before. Christie's family's been going to this ranch in Solvang, which is in sort of the Santa Barbara area, a little north of Santa Barbara.

[Brian Bishop]

It is a Dutch area.

[Giovanni]

It is very Dutch. And this ranch is actually a working cattle ranch, but it's also a resort. And they've been going there since she was a baby for 38 years. They've been going to this ranch every year. And we went for the 30th year in a row from my 11th year. And it's nice. They very much trade on nostalgia and memory up there because they go up and they see the friends that Christy literally grew up with going to this ranch every year. It was fun. And like you mentioned, seeing everything through the kids eyes, like, this ranch is fun. It's a fun place. It is like an all inclusive kind of thing where like, you know, the food, you just show up, you see, you order drinks, whatever. And that's always been a lot of Fun for the 10 years we've been going, Christy and I, as a married couple, or a couple. But this year with Tessa As a 15 month old, it's like unlocking a new level of a video game. Like seeing her explore all the stuff there is for kids. Like she went to parts of the ranch we didn't know. Like, we always like, huh, whatever. What's over there? Oh, well, let's keep walking to the bar. You know, in years past now it's like, oh, Tessa, let's go follow her. And she waddles off and finds something to play with. Like, oh, what a great area for kids. And it was just so cool to see her, like Christy probably was at her age exploring this, this ranch up in Zava. Very cool.

[Brian Bishop]

She is an actual person now. I mean, from last year's Christmas party, she was one very mobile, a thief with very sticky fingers when it comes to purses.

[Giovanni]

Christy got, Christy got very ill the last day she got. She got a flu. And so I was on baby duty 24 hours, which I'm happy to do because, you know, I love Tessa. I'm happy to help out, but man, it is tiring when you're chasing around a now mobile and now very interested in everything. 15 month old she is. She is excited and excitable.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, enjoy that.

[Giovanni]

It was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Look forward to the luaus that they don't look forward to.

[Giovanni]

I'll tell you, it was crazy driving up through Santa Barbara, through Carpinteria, through that whole area. That's where the fires were. And very recently, I might Add as of like a week ago, they were still burning. To see we're driving along Highway 101, which is the major highway up there. To see both sides of the highway blackened from fires.

[Adam Carolla]

You never see that.

[Giovanni]

You never see that. And to see how close it came to homes. Like, it burnt. There's. So here's the freeway, here's this six lane highway. And then here's a row of palm trees. And then houses, a row of houses. And then the beach. You know what I mean? Like, these are oceanfront houses. The palm trees burned. They're like candlesticks, like burnt out candlesticks. Just charred. Burned. And then the houses just. Firefighters saved all the houses. It was amazing. Amazing job. And you saw signs. Ever homemade signs. Thank you, first responders. Thank you, firefighters. And they did an incredible job from what I can tell, because there were just huge swaths of land burnt, charred to a crisp right off the highway. And then homes. Immaculate, perfect homes that had been saved.

[Adam Carolla]

So it was crazy to see thank you signs. As known by the homeowners, but as known by the firemen. Kindling for next fire. That cardboard's gonna actually spark the next fire.

[Giovanni]

Like the Blues Brothers. Please put your signs down.

[Brian Bishop]

One last thing. I went to a barbecue with some former coworkers over at the Sound, and we had a great time. And every year, good buddy Josh Fleger, who was the assistant PD over at the Sound, makes this New Year's dish, and I had him send me a picture of it because I really, really wanted you to see it. On a day that Vinnie isn't here, his New Year's pot, you can throw the picture up, is chopped up kielbasa. Okay? Chopped up hot dogs, a pork roast. And then you throw that in a pot and cover it with pierogies and mashed potatoes.

[Giovanni]

It's called you go home.

[Brian Bishop]

It literally looks like the visual representation of a heart attack. Jesus. And that's what they do every year on.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I love it.

[Giovanni]

Kind of a redneck gumbo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, gumbos.

[Brian Bishop]

A redneck bug.

[Adam Carolla]

Bug. No, you're right.

[Giovanni]

I'll take that.

[Brian Bishop]

Ladle it.

[Giovanni]

It looks delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

I will let you find the lyrics. Max Pata to Midnight Train to Georgia. And then Brian can sum that up. First, I'll buy you a little time. First I'll tell you about tr. True car, man. True car. There you go. Got some tips you might want to follow in 2018. Did you know if you place that key fob under your chin, you can increase its range? I thought that was weird, but it turns out it's true. Got another tip you might not know. True Car helps you get used cars with a certified dealer network nationwide inventory of nearly 1 million used cars. So you're thinking about getting a new car. New car for you, Used car, new or used. Enjoy real pricing on actual inventory and a similar buying experience. Whether you buy new, whether you buy used, see what others paid you. Find out what the deal is before you buy. You do what our own Chris Max Pata did. You got Truecar. He got himself a spritus. Very low mile, 200 miles on that thing. Enjoy a faster buying experience. Connect with the TrueCar certified dealer man. When you're ready to buy new or used, you always go with TrueCar and enjoy a more confident car buying experience. Some features not available in all states. I was at the hotel, I was laying in bed, and I was thinking about that song, Midnight Train to Georgia. Classic. Enjoy that song a lot and always enjoyed this song. And I was thinking about it, and then I realized she's singing about a loser and she's a bigger loser. She's gonna get married to this unemployable.

[Giovanni]

She's waiting for this guy to come back.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy can't. This guy came out here to make it be a star, but he's going back with his tail between his legs, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Gladys Knight in the Pips.

[Adam Carolla]

What's left of his world. He told everyone to F off, and then he went to LA and they didn't have a lick of success. And now he has to go back to Georgia and drive a truck, right? He's leaving. And the Pips, they don't let him get off easy either. Because she's like. She goes, superstar. And I go, but he didn't get far. Like, they're like, rubbing it in. They're.

[Giovanni]

The Greek car is.

[Brian Bishop]

They're keeping it real.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Not even any extra work.

[Giovanni]

They're on her point.

[Brian Bishop]

Codependency. I'll be with him.

[Adam Carolla]

She's going, what kind of future can this guy have? He's gonna knock her up and then he's gonna split a wild, wild failure.

[Brian Bishop]

Classic codependency.

[Adam Carolla]

He kept dreaming. Listen to the Pips rub it in.

[Brian Bishop]

Someday he'd be the star superstar.

[Adam Carolla]

But it didn't get far. Like, I hope this guy. Who's this song about. That guy's gonna feel horrible. Hey, they wrote a song about you. Oh, that's awesome. No, not good. No. No Success.

[Brian Bishop]

Dreams don't always come true.

[Adam Carolla]

True. Idiot.

[Alison Rosen]

All his hopes.

[Giovanni]

He's an early example of keeping it real.

[Adam Carolla]

He pawned all his hopes, and he also blew a producer. But that was like $80.

[Giovanni]

The extended version.

[Adam Carolla]

Driving a truck Living on a midnight train. So I was thinking about this song. I was thinking about. This guy's a huge loser. Daniel pointed out at breakfast that she's a bigger loser because she's following him back to his life of mediocrity and no success and no money.

[Brian Bishop]

She's broken.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is he so attractive? He sounds like a douchey actor.

[Giovanni]

Guy could have stayed home and burning money those 11 years, right?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we cut to 12.

[Giovanni]

Years from now to telling their kid, like, hey, your dad spent a little time in Hollywood, you know, behind the camera. The Pips pop in, but you didn't get far. All right, follow me around.

[Adam Carolla]

Poor guy. The Pips are falling around everywhere. And it's like, even, so does Kai.

[Giovanni]

Who'S a job interview. Mr. Smith, I see you spent a few years in Hollywood as an actor.

[Adam Carolla]

He wanted to be a superstar, but he didn't get five. But for everything, like, people with you. So I started thinking about it, and I thought, all right, not only is this song about a loser, but the second thing I thought about, I said, I bet the song was written by a white dude. Like, maybe even a Jew. Oh. And then I started thinking, I don't know why, but this is the most soulful song. It's done by a black woman, so I don't know why, but I know this wasn't. It couldn't have been written by Gladys Knight. It has to be some dude. Whoa. White dude. Country dude. Okay, country dude.

[Giovanni]

Do we know what this is, or did you have to look at.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not a name you'd recognize was out here playing like. Came to la, was playing, like, semi pro football with Lee Majors.

[Giovanni]

Autobiographical.

[Adam Carolla]

From the $6 million man.

[Brian Bishop]

He's the loser.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. He called up, like, Lee Majors at home when Lee Majors was married to Farrah Fawcett. And she said she's about ready to get on a midnight flight to Houston.

[Brian Bishop]

Not as sexy.

[Adam Carolla]

He fly to Houston. Thought Midnight Train to Georgia would be a lot better than Midnight Flight to Houston. But he liked the general vibe of the whole thought and then wrote the song sort of about himself coming out here, trying to be a songwriter and what? Switch to Midnight Train to Georgia and blah, blah, blah. So there's your Dane. Music history.

[Brian Bishop]

Love it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. Improv. January 25th, Cobra with Mike August. Nobody missed that. And then Oxnard levity Live on March 5th 15th, a movie. Well, Mike is pushing for Red Dawn. We'll see. We'll put it to a vote. See what you guys want to do. All right, coming next we have Adam.

[Giovanni]

Kollo Show 1256 featuring Nate Jackson, Matt Atchody, Alison Rose and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2014. It's a short, fun clip.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope you enjoy. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Gina Grad]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Adam Carolla]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like.

[Gina Grad]

Higher Learning, whether you're in the mood.

[Adam Carolla]

To solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or tracking or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest.

[Giovanni]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and.

[Adam Carolla]

Shows, all for free.

[Gina Grad]

Pluto TV stream now, pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Jared Ace, man, Connecticut man 27. What's up?

[F]

I have a. I need your opinion. Basically, I think. I think one of the signs of getting older is sit down to go pee, go to the bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just curious what other things you think are signs of getting older. No, that's sitting now only in the sense that you think you're gonna take a shit, but you can't take a shit, but you've already peed. We discussed this on stage, I believe, recently, where you sit down and go, I'm gonna take a shit. And then you go, oh, I guess there's no shit coming. Then you get up and you've peed.

[F]

Yeah, you were trying to get your asshole. You're like, come on, your dick is down, but your bowels wouldn't follow.

[Adam Carolla]

My asshole is a wild stallion yearning to be free on the open prairie bucking. Yeah, a guy wrote a song about it called Wildfire. You can find that. But that was after you tried the Taco Bell.

[Alison Rosen]

Wasn't Ring of Fire also about it?

[Adam Carolla]

That came later. Yeah, that was after the seasoning packet. But there's a song that was written in the 70s about my asshole and it's melancholy, but I think it's worth a listen. And you think he's singing about a horse, but he's really singing about my anus. And if you really just sort of. You can do the math, you know, it's like I said, loosing the sky with diamonds. You know, once you start doing the LSD math, you know, you start doing that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Smoke on the water, you know. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Michael Martin Murphy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we were pretty tight until this song came out.

[Alison Rosen]

And Then did you feel violated by it? Well, put on blast.

[Giovanni]

More piano.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is back when, you know, AM was AM and songs could go longer than three minutes. You know, now everyone's. You know, everything's being produced within an inch of its life.

[Giovanni]

There's on the best of Michael Martin Murphy. Wonder what else is on the Michael.

[Alison Rosen]

Martin Murphy songs about Adam's other body parts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Extended dance version of this. The 12 inch. There's one about my urethra.

[Giovanni]

Quite the lead up on this song.

[Adam Carolla]

Again, you have to picture my anus. It's kind of a big deal. Yeah. From Yellow Mountain. Yellow Mountain. That's. That'd be the right. Obviously. Dark, right?

[Giovanni]

On a pony she named Wildfire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's what the tacos do. Whirlwind.

[Giovanni]

You know, there's a lot of layers to these metaphors.

[Adam Carolla]

I was never in Nebraska. That's just. That's what you call artistic license. But. Yeah. That porcelain cold Nebraska night. Like when you get up and you don't want to turn the light on.

[Alison Rosen]

Feels like you're in Nebraska.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta sit down, you know, you don't want to wake up the old lady.

[Giovanni]

The band is cooking now.

[Adam Carolla]

They say she died one winter. Mm.

[Giovanni]

When they're king.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

And the pony she named Wildfire.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a picture. My anus. Toilet seat comes off. That's beaten off in the shower. Put my anus in here. But you know what I mean. He knew this wouldn't chart. He ran Colin Adam's anus.

[Giovanni]

I wouldn't have thought a song about.

[Adam Carolla]

Your anus would be such an excellent.

[Giovanni]

Example of yacht rock.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's good. It is. It takes it again. It becomes melancholy at a certain point.

[Giovanni]

Gary, put up a picture of this guy's greatest album. He's so white. His facial hair is white. His suit is white. His music is white.

[Adam Carolla]

More jacking off in the shower.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but coming early. It's a roommate who saw me jacking off in the shower. Logistical license. It wasn't. I took a night off. I just. No way. I went six nights in a row.

[Alison Rosen]

He's Wildfire.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we're both gonna go on Wildfire. Yeah. It's really just him. I. I couldn't do that. There's riding Wildfire now. Yeah. Except to replace Adam Zanus. Here it goes.

[Giovanni]

Allison, you should have heard the demo version where we're still out of task.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the working version.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

Busted behind.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't if you saw the guy. You just wouldn't that's why we had to change the name.

[Alison Rosen]

It makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that around his neck? We didn't. A double kerchief.

[Alison Rosen]

Did you have a matching one when you guys were friends?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's. Well, I had one. He had one before both of them. Yeah. That's part of the reason we don't talk anymore. He took your kerchief. Bogarter. The kerchief. I know it's a story as old as the Bible, but he was a kerchief. Bogarter. No way to end a friendship. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it's not something I like to bring up a lot.

[Giovanni]

All right. This is Adam Kollishow, 1256. Coming up for our final clip today we have Adam Carlos Show 1327 featuring Dan St. Germain, Chris Ramperthal. Not this portion. Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Dan St. Germain, good to see you, my friend.

[Gina Grad]

Great to be here. Thanks for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad at the good times as they stand. I'm available June 10th, Amazon. You know what to do. Go ahead and go to amcroll.com and click through so we get a little love as well. Also the podcast My dumb Friends and you can hear that on itunes. New episodes every Tuesday. Dan. Yeah, sorry, where was I? You did a Super bowl commercial with Howard Stern.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Which one were you?

[Gina Grad]

I was the fat guy with the cape. That's basically what I did. And they shot me with really cold water.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think if I it.

[Gina Grad]

Was for America's Got Talent. It was just me dancing to Maroon 5 and then they shot me with water. It was really cold.

[Adam Carolla]

How does one get that gig?

[Gina Grad]

By being the other fat guy who didn't turn it down?

[Giovanni]

By working the hell out of everyone.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it was pretty. It was wearing like a sequin top, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't Dan, by the way, doing a lot of stand up dates around the country, but you can go to dancestgermain. Yeah, some chemist got the.com.net and you can find out where he's going to be performing. In a town near you, where you come from. How did you get started?

[Gina Grad]

I started in New York, grew up in New Jersey and then moved to Westchester when I was in high school and then went out to school in Indiana and came back and started doing standup.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you always know this was going to be for you or was there something you thought you were going to do?

[Gina Grad]

Well, I tried it three times in high school and I was pretty Terrible. So I gave up, and I wanted to do, like, writing stuff. And then I went through, like, a breakup in college, and I started it right after college. Like, right after that. I did, like, a puppet show of the breakup. And then that started transitioning in a. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it. Is it possible to be decent at stand up in high school?

[Gina Grad]

I don't think so. You hear some stories like, Eddie Murphy was good.

[Adam Carolla]

Only black guys can do it. White. White guys have maturation. Yeah, We. We need. We need to ferment.

[Gina Grad]

We've had two. Had it do good for 16 years.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it is.

[Gina Grad]

I think that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Black guys have such an advantage with all the slavery and the two drinking fountains and the German shepherds attacking them.

[Giovanni]

And everything's better than us.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they come out of the womb ready to go, you know, angry. We have, like, well, I got a zit. Let's see. My stepmom's kind of snarky.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa. We went to a water park once, and it was closed. So are you writing this down?

[Alison Rosen]

Bad breakups?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's really nothing going on in white man's world. And then what happens? So Chris Rock can do it at 14 because he's ready to go out of the womb.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, he's ready to go.

[Adam Carolla]

He's seen the pain. Just. It was born into the pain. Whereas whitey, we got to get a few years of shit under our belt, and then we're ready to pop that boil somewhere around 25 for a while.

[Gina Grad]

And then I guess you just. And I think you just get humiliated enough. And then, you know, like, I think. I think that's why people in their 40s are the best at it, because they've been through the most shit.

[Giovanni]

Adam, you got a few more days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. That's right before I turned 50. And I'm no longer good at shit.

[Alison Rosen]

When you were in high school, what was your material?

[Gina Grad]

I remember I got up on stage once, and I didn't think you needed to write anything down, so I just. I remember I did this. I don't even know. I did an impression of, like, a beach manatee. And I, like. I did, like, I started convulsing on the ground, and there's just nothing, like, silence, like, when you're, like, in the middle of this bit, you're trying to commit to it.

[Alison Rosen]

Sounds funny.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, it's funny in retrospect that I thought that that would kill, you know, and then. I don't know. I just Gave up on it. It was really scary. I still don't know why I do it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I would love actually be an interesting little sociological experiment or just be fun. But it'd be fun to force everyone at 15 to do three minutes of standup just to have on tape.

[Giovanni]

Is it written down or not written down.

[Adam Carolla]

No. You had to put it together. You had a week to do it. And then you'd just be up there going, what's up with this cafeteria food? And that would be it. And then you'd be talking about, like, and Mrs. Parker. Such a bitch.

[Giovanni]

A lot of local material, a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Of inside local stuff.

[Gina Grad]

It's really hard, I think, too, because I don't remember even liking stand up from the ages of like, 14 to 18. You know, I remember liking it when I was like, 12 and 13, and then I just stopped liking it.

[Adam Carolla]

Who did you. Who did you watch when you were young?

[Gina Grad]

When I was a kid, you know, like, just comedy in general. Like, Naked Gun was like the first one that I was like, oh, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

The funny thing ever.

[Gina Grad]

And you know, Airplane, that old Zucker Brother type stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And then. And then after that, I got into Steve Martin a little bit. And then I tried to. I pretended to like Lenny Bruce in college, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Gina Grad]

I think every comic does that. You're just like, oh, yeah, yeah, this is the truth. No, in high school, I pretend to like him. And then, like, in college, I started listening.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it must be, oh, sorry, go.

[Gina Grad]

No, no, no, there's nothing else.

[Adam Carolla]

The, the, the. It must be good to be that guy. Like, Lenny Bruce is to comedy what Radiohead is to music. You just go, who you into, who you're influenced. Like, what are you checking out?

[Giovanni]

Lenny Bruce? He's early stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Early. Oh, cool. For sure. Yeah, absolutely. Radiohead Radio Bruce is what I listen to. And it's like all anyone can ever do is nod their head. They can't go, oh, you're such a fucking intellectual lightweight. He sucks.

[Gina Grad]

I like the heroin reading legal documents stage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I like when he just got all the transcripts from his court case and got high. Chase a dragon and read them up on stage. Like, I don't even know how much of Lenny Bruce I know. It's just. And it's like, I don't know, three Radiohead songs, but you just say that in your cover, you're done.

[Gina Grad]

I think that that's like. And then you say, bill Hicks. Oh, Bill Hicks.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll work.

[Gina Grad]

That'll definitely work. And those are the People. I think that's why it's so hard to do political stuff, because, like, there's so many people trying to be Bill Hicks and Lenny Bruce, and it just is. If you can't. If you're a bad comic, you tried to do that stuff. It's so glaring, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the guy I always miss and I will always bring up in this situation is Mitch. Had I laughed every time that I watched that guy do stand up? Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

No, I loved him in high school, too.

[Adam Carolla]

And he just. I don't know why, because it wasn't even necessarily my kind of humor, so to speak.

[Giovanni]

It's accessible. Like, it made sense. You got it right away.

[Alison Rosen]

It's interesting because, Adam, I've heard you say that you prefer, like, George Carlin to something that's silly or that's wordplay. And yet that's what Hedberg was.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, there's this weird thing that I think transcends comedy. It's just everything. There's such a thing as a good version of, like, fast food. Like, there's a good version of food that's not really good food, but there's still a good version of it. There's a good version of bad movies, you know, bad. Just big time Bruckheimer, whatever.

[Giovanni]

It's kind of like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's bad movies. When done correctly, you can jump genres and enjoy a food, a movie or a comic, because they do what they do so well, you know, Mitch Hedberg told jokes, and I'm not a joke. I don't collect jokes. But he did it in such a way that always. It always made me laugh.

[Gina Grad]

That was one of the guys that I. When I started out, I was blatantly ripping off. I think I had, like, glasses and a coat. You know what I mean? Like, my first few open mics, I was like, doing, like, one liners and stuff. Thank God I don't do that anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, we got the news, we got a few phone calls up there. Somebody's got a relationship question. We can all just jump in. Dan as well, Trey, 24.

[F]

Hey, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, Tennessee? What's going on, Trey?

[F]

Me and my girlfriend been together for two years, and she's. Well, she was bi. Kind of still is. And I kind of feel bad because she really likes girls. So we've kind of talked about maybe having a girl come to the bedroom with us. But the thing is, I wouldn't be able to interact with that girl at all. It'd just be my girlfriend and watching Good idea or bad idea?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, I don't know if you need to honor that just you watching thing, because I feel like ask forgiveness, not permission. Yeah. Once the juices got flowing, there'd at least be a couple of attempts.

[Gina Grad]

A little boob gravelies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If anything, your own. And then start and then. And then go for theirs. Now, when you say do nothing, as. I don't know what proper etiquette is for these types of situations. Are you naked?

[F]

Like, I'll be able to interact with my girlfriend. Like, that's the plan we have in our heads. Like, I'd be able to, you know, be with her and she'd be servicing the other girl. I would be able to, like, go to the other girl and, like. Like, fill her up or kiss on her boobs or anything like that.

[Giovanni]

Now, when you say fill her up.

[Alison Rosen]

That'S a lot of jizz control also.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And also so. Well, first off, you know, I don't think there's a lot of downside here for you and your genitalia. Like, I would definitely. I would definitely not go, well, fuck that. You're getting ripped off, dude. I mean, don't go for that. So you get to do whatever you want to your girlfriend, and she gets to do whatever she wants to whatever chick you guys have roofied. Where do you get the third chick? Where are these chicks? And how come they're out there? And who are they?

[F]

I don't know, but she. She gets, like, hit on a lot by a knife.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll come.

[F]

Like, she'll tell me about it. And I kind of feel bad because she does like girls and that. And it was my. She's, like, really jealous. It was my idea to be like, look, I won't touch the girl. You get your girl, I get you with the girl. Which is awesome. And, you know, maybe we can try that down the road. I just wanted to see what you thought about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Trey, here's what I've learned from all my years over at Loveline. Have all the fun you want. Experiment all you want, do all you want, but probably don't. Start a family, get her pregnant, have kids. You know what I'm saying?

[F]

With my current girlfriend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that one.

[F]

That's the one.

[Adam Carolla]

You're getting married to her?

[F]

Yeah, that's the plan. We've pretty much got that lined up.

[Alison Rosen]

All right, then. In that case, can I. Sorry to be a boner killer here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alison Rosen]

Do not do this. This has bad idea written all over it. And here's why. You said that your girlfriend is really jealous. Even though she's laying down the ground rules that you can't touch the other girl. You know that afterwards she's gonna want to know, but were you turned on by the other girl? But were you turned on by her more than me? What do you think of her body and she. Because if you enjoy watching the two of them, that is, I suspect, gonna make her begin to question your fidelity. And it just, to me, does not sound like a good idea.

[Gina Grad]

Only one way to find out, though.

[Adam Carolla]

That was actually my ground rule.

[F]

That was. I said that before she even got to it. I was like, I don't. I'm not interested in any other girls. But it's more of like, I feel bad because she. She hadn't been with. Like, she was mostly with girls. She had a few boyfriends, but she had like six, five or six girlfriends. Like, say something about, oh, that girl looks like this. I got flirted with today. And she was really hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Trey, hold on. Let me ask a question. Do you have kids already?

[F]

No. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[F]

I'm only 24.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's just hold off, is all, is all I'm saying. Because this chick sounds chaotic to me. And Alison is right in what they do, what women will do is create a little trap. You will then stumble into it. Then they will use that sort of emotionally against you and blah, blah, blah. And that's what happens when you're 24. And that's why you're supposed to do this stuff. But don't get pregnant and don't get any kids and don't get married and all that kind of stuff. Also, you're right when it comes to the actual finishing part. No telling, especially if the ceiling fan's on, where that stuff's going to end up. You know what I'm saying, Trey?

[F]

I don't know if we went to the whole where to aim situation yet.

[Adam Carolla]

I would finish in the new chick's hair and then claim that I beat them on a technicality, saying, I said I would not touch you and I did not touch you. This is, you know me going Uri Geller on your ass. This is me using, physically manipulating that spork with my fucking jizz. That's all.

[Gina Grad]

I had the most awkward three way once where me and this girl were seeing each other and we took this one girl home and this girl was, like, doing stuff to the girl I was seeing. And then I tried to go down on her and she, like, turned around and punched me in the face and said, I'm only interested in this girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Gina Grad]

I just walked home.

[Alison Rosen]

Wait, you tried to go. Which one did you try to go down?

[Gina Grad]

Well, I was already hooking up with the one girl, and then the other girl was, like, going down on her so that I. I was like, all right, well, I guess this is where I. Where I go in now, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

And then I did, and it didn't work out at all. She, like, hit me in the face, and it's like, I'm only into her.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

I was like, you're welcome for the drinks. And then I left. Well, Talked like an 80s ski lodge nerd, you know? As soon as that happens, you showed them.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird when people get offended in the middle of their debauchery.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Like, this is where I draw the line. She's wearing, like, a devil mask or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And by the. By the way, it just. It seems to be. That's such poor form punching. People are trying to.

[Gina Grad]

It was like. Yeah, Yeah, I was. It was pretty nice, right? I had good. I had a good one after that. But, like, that one kind of scared me off. But even then, I think, like, threesomes are for. Guys are really, like, when I had the one that was successful, it still wasn't, like, the best sex ever, because you're so. You have. There's so much pressure on yourself.

[Alison Rosen]

How many have you had?

[Gina Grad]

I just. Those two. The one that worked and the one that didn't, you know? And then me and we got a.

[Adam Carolla]

Rubber match coming up, by the way.

[Gina Grad]

Literally, what's a rubber match?

[Adam Carolla]

We got to figure out best out of three. You know what I mean? This is basically, you know, the Clippers beat the Lakers once. The Lakers beat the Clippers once, and we got to see who's gonna win the Subway Series.

[Giovanni]

Fluke.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy.

[Gina Grad]

Well, being this one guy, we're like, he was touching her. Booms. And I was touching her butt. And then, like, we both were like, harry, is this gonna happen now? This is. This can't happen. You know what I mean? And she just went like, yeah, I'm gonna go to bed. You know, Because I'm like, I don't know.

[Alison Rosen]

Wait, so you had a two and a half? And there was a two and a half another guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Because it was like, there's not enough room. She was, like, too small of a girl. Do you know what she was, nine years old? No. But yes. I didn't know, really. That was the only other one. But, you know, now I'm looking for love.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Alison Rosen]

Wait, you think that you.

[Gina Grad]

After a month and a half, you can look at.

[Alison Rosen]

You can look at a girl's hip area and figure out if two can fit?

[Gina Grad]

No, I would be like. It would be like a rotisserie thing, for lack of a better word.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I like my ladies broasted.

[Alison Rosen]

So, like a long torso, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. Like a Tilda Swinton.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

You know, or. Yeah. Or a Laura Dern, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Someone with a long torso.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, listen, first off, God bless you.

[Giovanni]

What is Paltrow?

[Adam Carolla]

Ideally, a lot of guys, if they would have started trying to munch a stranger's box in the middle of a threesome and they got punched in the beard, would just go ahead and say, I'll never get on that pony again. But not you, Dan.

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Giovanni]

Back up on that horse.

[Gina Grad]

No, I'm like the whore. I'm the Rudy of threesomes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Keep going. You're going to stand up. We're gonna give it a slow clap. Everyone joins.

[Gina Grad]

Like I'm carrying the bobsled.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You got back up. I love that about you. All right, let's see. Someone has needs advice. I feel like this is sort of along the same lines. Hey, Michael.

[F]

What's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

Ace, you're calling from Minneapolis?

[F]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Might I suggest you go to Blinds Galore? Blinds Galore? They got a memorial sale. It's coming up. The Memorial Day sale. Everything up to 50% off, everything you need. Free samples, by the way. They'll ship them out so you'll be ready to shop. It starts Thursday, May 22nd. And we use these guys. You guys should use these guys. Especially when it's a kajillion degrees outside like it is now. You take the blinds, you shut them, the room's like 25 degrees cooler because the sun is not. Not only is it not coming in and turning the place into a convection oven, it's not beating the crap out of the upholstery and the carpet and bleaching it out, dog. Nothing worse, by the way. Upholstery and people that get sunblasted. It's a horrible, horrible look. You go to Blinds Galore. They really are blindsglory. They'll take care of everything you need. And you go to blindsglory.com. you make sure you let them know I sent you. That's blindsgalore.com. all right. Hey, I'm going to be in Minneapolis. I got a book signing next week. You want to come by and say hi.

[F]

Yeah. What's the venue?

[Adam Carolla]

Mall of America Rotunda.

[Giovanni]

Look it up.

[F]

About 10 minutes away. I'll definitely be there.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. There better be some guy named Michael who's 23. He's having problems with the ladies. What's your question?

[F]

Oh, no, it's not me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh God.

[F]

This is my best friend from hype. We're both 23. Oh yeah, yeah, it's a friend. No, seriously, we're both 23 and we were pretty social in high school, but once we graduated he kind of fell off into, you know, his own thing and no luck with the ladies. He's still a virgin. Whenever I invite him out to go places with me and my friends, he always finds my cute to not go. So I was wondering basically, how do I deputize my friend and get him laid finally?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like with all the Internet whatever these days, there's just no excuse. But also there's a window for losing one's virginity, which I would probably say is about 15 and a half to 18 and a half. And if you fuck up that window, then it becomes. It's sort of male virginity. And losing it is sort of like women with pregnancy, which is very easy at 25. And then at some point you turn 37 and it goes down quite a bit statistically. And I feel like once you see your 20th birthday and you've not dipped that wicks in a little pussy wax. I use my words to paint pictures.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah, those beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

Then you're in fucking trouble at that point. Now you're up in your head and it's gonna, it's gonna be tough at that, at that point.

[Gina Grad]

End of freshman year in college, I think that's the cutoff.

[Adam Carolla]

That, that's pretty much the cutoff point. So fellas, you need. And by the way, dad, I will hire my son, a whore to come to the home.

[Gina Grad]

I'm available.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you talking about? Punch him in the face if he gets too frisky downstairs, Sonny, I will get him a whore just to get him laid. Because you know, they do that. Here's what they should do. You know, they come up with these fucking stupid studies all the time, are like, hey, it turns out tall good looking guys do better in business. Like, yeah, no shit. Fucking thanks, Geraldo. Let me write this down. You mean the ones that are built like trolls with horrible skin, you know, like. And they do that and it turns out, ladies, you know, the ones that are in the Daisy Dukes and look fantastic, More guys pull over to help them change the flat tire. Like, yeah, no fucking shit. But here's the study that needs to be done. Guys that got laid a lot from, you know, I don't see a lot of guys that got laid for the first time at 27 having a lot of success in business and other things like that. Now there's a weird sweet spot because too much pussy too early and too often can take the wind out of your sails.

[Giovanni]

Tell me about it.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a friend that got laid.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, good friend.

[Adam Carolla]

I have. I had friends who got a ton of pussy and it basically that became their job in high school, which was trafficking pussy. Like, that became a gig for them, and they just sort of dropped out of everything else. Also, you cannot get laid and have your confidence basically shattered. There's a sweet spot of pussy.

[Alison Rosen]

See, I would almost. I would want to put it more in the like 16 and a half to 20 zone. Do you think? I feel like 15 and a half. To me, that's a little young. Like, I feel like starting.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm starting at the bottom and saying that's where you can start. And also there's a variation for men and women. It's a little different. The window slides around.

[Alison Rosen]

I'm talking about guys a little bit. I just think guys that. At 15 and a half are getting laid, to me, that puts them in that category of they're not going to be focusing on other skills stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

It depends how early. Yeah. How often and. And how it works. But yeah, okay, so 16 and then just go freshman in college. But if it hasn't happened, then there's going to be some serious effects.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And you also don't want to be, I think, the guy who's 12 that loses his virginity too. I think that's like, too young.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

I mean, you want to be him.

[Gina Grad]

You want to be him. I think it'd be terrifying if I lost my virginity. 12. I think I would just be like, oh, I got everything pregnant. You know what I mean? Like, everything around me is pregnant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's also weird because you essentially become a man, but you're walking into the eighth grade and somebody's yelling at you and you're holding a peachy folder. So it's like, what are you. You know what I'm saying?

[Giovanni]

You're getting stuffed in a locker.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder. I'm trying to think. But either way I will get, I think my son, you know, a tasteful prostitute. Oh, an escort, Julia Roberts style.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe even Julia Roberts. You Know, because we could be talking about 10 years from now. Who knows what goes on with her career.

[Gina Grad]

Definitely Eric Roberts.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll definitely, definitely get Eric Roberts. Yeah, he. For sure, he would understand, as a guy how important this is to a young lad.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, how old was everyone here when they lost it?

[Adam Carolla]

16. Something.

[Giovanni]

It was my sophomore year of college. I think I was 19.

[Gina Grad]

I was 18.

[Giovanni]

I hear that after. I think Dan's onto something. After your freshman year, or at least that first year after of high school, it becomes a thing. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, no, it hasn't happened yet. It becomes a thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. And now you gotta now become, say, you know, comedy from the 80s, and you have to get laid and hijinks ensue, and that's it.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, boner.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And at some point, you go running out of a whorehouse, and you're holding, like, a lampshade around your cock and you're screaming, and there's a whore.

[Gina Grad]

You could have taken your pants. No, I want to do this this way.

[Adam Carolla]

Mexican guy with the pumping the shotgun, running after you. It's just a thing. It used to happen in every movie where you're running down the dirt road and the guy fires the gun and the mailbox next to you explodes. I don't know. They stopped doing that in movies.

[Giovanni]

I kind of missed that mailbox humor.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of hitting them with baseball bats, running over mail. There's a lot. There's just in general, mailbox related humor. The shotgun. Boom. As you're running for your life and your friends are driving in a car in front of you. Come on, come on, come on. Boom. Another shot, another mailbox goes. Yeah, what happened to that?

[Alison Rosen]

I feel like they don't even have mailboxes that are out on the street anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, when you're chasing the car that you can't catch up to and the guy's yelling, come on. I would argue that you should yell at the driver, slow the fuck down. Instead of yelling at me to run faster in the nude while the mailboxes are blowing up. You know what I'm saying?

[Gina Grad]

Parallel parks as the mailboxes are exploding.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. Let's see. Think about. Let's do. Let's screw the calls. Let's. Let's do a little news, shall we? Allison Rosen. Yes, that's the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it can't it, Allison. Allison. I'm gonna be signing my book, by the way, around the country in Virginia and D.C. and Minneapolis and in Illinois as well. I'm also gonna be doing a show in Virginia coming up May 21st. I'm not sure where, but you go to AdamCarolla.com we're doing a bunch of shows. I'm doing a bunch of book signings and some shows. So if you want to see me coming to a town near you, now would be an opportune time. All right, where were we?

[Alison Rosen]

Wildfires. All sorts of wildfires. I want to hear that reaction again. Wildfires.

[Adam Carolla]

Wildfires.

[Alison Rosen]

All sorts of wildfires are raging in San Diego County. Almost 10,000 acres have burned. Three dozen were burning overnight as of now. Although this could change. I heard eight. I think I might have also heard three.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I suggest. I've done it before, but the fucking acre thing. Can we do football fields? Paints a good picture. You know what I mean? If somebody said there's 100,000 football fields on fire, you go, all right. Because they go, it's a 52,000 acre fire. And it's like, that seems big. Is that bigger or smaller than Mel Gibson's place up in Malibu? Or is it. Or sometimes people do that thing where they go, I own 41 acres outside Ojai. And you go, well, there you go. But you have no fucking idea what he's talking about. Can we play volleyball in your backyard or can't we? Like. I don't know what. I don't know what the fucking acre is. I need. They always. They only give you acres. Miles is not going to work. We football fields. I feel like it's the number one sport. We stare. Yeah, we stare at the. But we stare at that grid all. All. You know, for six months out of the year, let's just make it a football field. We could work that out.

[Alison Rosen]

All right, someone do the acres in the football fields. That's going to be Gary.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Gary, you're going to. You're going to do that. I'm going. Let me. Gary, let me see if I can figure it out. Just for shits and giggles. All right, so it's 50. So let's say 150. And then you guys go about your business, and I'll figure this one out.

[Alison Rosen]

All right, well, here's what I want to say. Shits and giggles don't normally go together.

[Adam Carolla]

You're Right.

[Alison Rosen]

Unless something happens wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Bad place to have your two year old twins birthday party.

[Giovanni]

Whose idea was it?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so let's see. Three times, so 400. Oh, fuck it. This is amazing. I'm just gonna picture my head and guess and say that it would be about 28 acres. No, a lot more. According to What I'm finding, one acre.

[Giovanni]

Equals 75% of a football field.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Oh, maybe it does. Yeah, it's. Oh, 43,000. Yeah, 43,000 square feet. It's. Yeah, we.

[Giovanni]

I think it was 40. I think it's 43,000 square yards.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, 40 an acre is like 43,000 square feet. Feet.

[Giovanni]

Right, that's correct. And then football field is.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see here. All right, well, we'll keep going.

[Giovanni]

4800 square yards. We'll convert that into feet for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just go.

[Giovanni]

Or cubed. No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so that's 129,000.

[Alison Rosen]

Anyway. Gigantic amount.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Alison Rosen]

A lot, a lot, a lot of learning.

[Adam Carolla]

It's exactly three. Sorry.

[Alison Rosen]

Okay. All right, so it's three football fields.

[Adam Carolla]

Three acres in a football field. Right, because you just did one. You said, he said one acre is.

[Alison Rosen]

75% of a football field.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wait, 43,000 square feet in an acre, is that correct? Yes. All Right, how many 30,000 square feet in a football field? No. 300 times 100 yards. That's yards, though.

[Giovanni]

300Ft, which is 100 yards.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. By 100ft, which is the width of a. No, I think it's 150.

[Giovanni]

150.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay, so you're still.

[Giovanni]

But you're still gonna be under what.

[Adam Carolla]

An acre is just slightly. All right.

[Alison Rosen]

They think it's an arsonist.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Think it's an arsonist who's burning down those stadiums?

[Alison Rosen]

Who's doing the math?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

I heard a thing that cracked me up earlier, which was the guy was explaining to the thing about arson is that they get their self esteem from burning fires. How are we gonna deal with that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but these fucking guys should just. They should just be burnt at the stake. Like good news and bad news. You love fire, right? Right. Good. You're gonna be set on fire.

[Alison Rosen]

You could even let him set it or her set it themself.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna die doing what you love doing to other people's shit.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah. And they had someone in custody and they questioned them and they had to let them go. So now I think that they're still investigating who might be doing this. But the thing is, it's so dry out there, it's like tinderbox conditions. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the good news is the football field is right about an acre. Right. All right. So good.

[Alison Rosen]

That is good.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll swap them out with just football fields from this point on and that'll be fun. Fine.

[Giovanni]

My grass is getting crispy because of the heat. Is there anything I can do about that?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to put down a lit cigarette. The fake shit. You know, the fake. The synthetic stuff.

[Giovanni]

Field turf or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Little pellets everywhere. Yeah. Now they have stuff now that you can just roll out and do.

[Giovanni]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Grass. Big pain in the ass. It's not mint. It's. It's not. It's like. Like. It's like a purebred dog that was just never really meant. That got over inbred and not meant to really function anymore. That's kind of.

[Giovanni]

It's like a bulldog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We don't live in a place where we're supposed to have lawns. We've just decided we should have lawns. Really? All we should have is gravel, cactus, dirt, and sofas out in the front, depending on what neighborhood you're in.

[Giovanni]

You hear that, honey?

[Adam Carolla]

And that's about it. But we're forcing the lawns on us and it doesn't. It doesn't really work. And there's nothing that goes on except for it's a place where the dog shits.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, that's. Now that I have a dog, I'm aware that all grass is covered in dog urine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alison Rosen]

All grass. I don't trust any patch of grass anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And then for some reason, when they get sick, they eat it. They're like, hmm, I'd like some of my urine soaked grass to consume because my belly doesn't feel good.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

How fucking dumb are dogs?

[Gina Grad]

Pretty dumb. Pretty great, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty great. But dumb like. Right? Like, oh, my belly hurts. I'm gonna eat some grass with some of my piss on it.

[Gina Grad]

I gotta stop doing that.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe that's just making your belly hurt.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

I never fish out. Use toilet paper from the toilet.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Alison Rosen]

Maybe I should.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Make. Make your belly feel better.

[Gina Grad]

J.D. salager would do. He'd drink pee every day. Right? That was his thing he did. Yeah. I hate to be the guy who knows the drinking pee facts.

[Alison Rosen]

That's the kind of thing I should drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Catcher in the Rye guy.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Drink of when he was really.

[Alison Rosen]

Congrats.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe that was like an urban legend. But when he was like, I saw the documentary.

[Giovanni]

I didn't see that part.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I'd hate to. That be my thing. Oh, yeah. Saint Germain, he's the guy who drinks his urine every day. I don't want to be that guy, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's better than someone else's.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know. It depends on the girl, I guess. What?

[Alison Rosen]

You know that woman Joyce. Who? I want to say Joyce Maynard, but that might not have been her last name. Who wrote she had sort of had an affair with him and wrote about it. I'm wondering. And talked about all the weird things he did. I wonder if that came out in that.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a fighter, a boxer. I think it was Nishida, right? No. Although it could be it was Antonio Barrera or one of those guys. And he was fighting Mayweather. This is only like two years ago. And he drank his own urine. And then he got his ass kicked. So to me, that's the number one argument. Not to one guy. We did an experiment. One guy drank Gatorade, the other guy drank his piss, and the guy drank the Gatorade, won. Yeah. So that to me meant stop drinking piss.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I used to have a bit about that. Like, you can't be like the 5050 fighter and drink your own urine. You've got to be undefeated.

[Adam Carolla]

You really do.

[Gina Grad]

It just doesn't like. It's just stop drinking piss.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm trying to think. Gary, you can find me. I think it was Barrera. We'll figure it out. But he fought Money Mayweather about two years ago, pay per view. It was one of those HBO behind the scenes thing. And he was drinking his own whiz.

[Alison Rosen]

So that's the argument against it. What's the argument for?

[Adam Carolla]

It tastes great. You're trapped on a fucking pallet that's set adrift in the Pacific Ocean and you're not in a shipping lane. That's the argument for drinking your own piss. But when you're just in training camp or in an apartment, I would say no.

[Giovanni]

There's not much of an argument, to be fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, we give yogis way too much credit. First off, people like, hey, man, yogis do it well, first, what do they ever invent? What supermodel are they fucking? You never see.

[Giovanni]

So they're reached. Enlightenment. Big deal.

[Adam Carolla]

They only fly commercial. You never see them with NetJets. And. Well, I'm just saying, why are we looking up to these assholes? They don't seem to. They don't have a lot on their pals.

[Alison Rosen]

No, it's like, I want to know.

[Adam Carolla]

What Mark Cuban drinks.

[Alison Rosen]

It's like shriveled up women from far away that we want to know their beauty secrets.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. I want to know what the Tesla guy. I want to know what. Elon Musk. What is he drinking? I shall drink that. The guys to be quiet. The guys who, you know, they get up at 6am they sit in a lotus position for an hour, and then they don't talk to one another during breakfast, and then it's off. You know, sculpt some bamboo or something and then it's back to meditate again. I don't fucking need to know those guys secrets. They're not doing anything. They're essentially. They're wearing their pajamas almost the whole day. They're wearing. You know, they're not. They're out. They're not winning any wars getting laid.

[Alison Rosen]

All they are is flexible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's all they are, is flexible. I don't need that. It is Juan Manuel Marquez who drank his own urine. I think that's what I've seen, or I've seen birth. Okay. Yeah. Juan Manuel Marquez is the guy who drank his urine and then lost. Then lost. Yeah. And I would have said, you know what, Juan? You're not taking it far enough. You gotta start eating your own shit for the next fight. The promise. You stopped urine.

[Gina Grad]

That's only the figure skating. That's a trier. That's brutal.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else?

[Alison Rosen]

All right. God. Should we talk about Hernandez or Sterling?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Oh, Hernandez.

[Alison Rosen]

Let's talk about Aaron Hernandez. That's breaking today.

[Adam Carolla]

What's he doing?

[Alison Rosen]

So former New England Patriot tight end Aaron Hernandez has been charged with two new murders. A Boston grand jury indicted him with killing Daniel Abreu and Safiro Furtado, who were shot outside a Boston nightclub on July 16, 2012. He already faces murder charges for the death of Odin Lloyd, who was shot on June 17, 2013 near his home. And prosecutors have the murder reportedly have the murder weapon and can sufficiently link it to Hernandez in the death of the two guys. They don't have it for Odin Lloyd for that death, but so now prosecutors have two opportunities to convict him for murder. And this is in addition to the weapons charges he faces and charges for assaulting a fellow inmate. And the crimes happen in two different counties, so prosecutors from each county will determine whether he'll face two separate trials and if so, the timing of those trials. So it's not looking good for him.

[Adam Carolla]

I Don't like this part where we got the guy. This happens all the time, where it's like, well, we got him in Boston, and he murdered this guy in Boston, and now he's in prison in Massachusetts. And then, uh, oh, something else went down in Mississippi four years earlier there. Put him on an airplane, and I'm like, who's fucking paying for this shit? And as long as he's gonna rot in Massachusetts, he can't rot in Mississippi and Massachusetts at the same time, can he? Or when he dies, they can't ship his corpse to Mississippi to rot. Like, well, he's in. He's good. It's good enough for me. Or why can't. Can I ask this? Maybe it's a little naive, but, you know, there's. Hear me out. You know, they have dog groomers, and then they have mobile dog groomers.

[Giovanni]

Mm. The van that pulls up to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Why can't we just go to your prison cell and have the proceedings? You know what I mean? How many fucking. How busy has it gotta be this.

[Alison Rosen]

Naive or is this selfish for when you end up in there?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying I don't want to pay for this guy being transported. I saw Con Air, by the way, like, 28 times. I know there's a lot that can go wrong in the air. A lot. There's a couple things I learned from that movie. A lot can go wrong when it comes to transporting prisoners, number one. And if you're super snarky FBI dickhead and you announce that that Corvette is your baby, and we see a scene of you polishing it with your sleeve before you walk in and yell at John Cusack, that car's gonna be destroyed beyond repair. If you're an evil Dean or any of that, don't fucking say how much you love your car.

[Giovanni]

Underplay that for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone asks me about my cars, I go, that old fucking junker. I wish a fucking grand piano would land on it. I wish. I wish if Kuzak would hook that thing up to a tow line and a C130 would drag it across the desert. I wish.

[Giovanni]

I wish it would fly out of an open plane. I wish.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish. That's right.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, these crimes are in Suffolk county and Bristol county, both in Massachusetts.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, good. You can take the bus.

[Alison Rosen]

But this now suggests a motivation for the killing of Odin Lloyd, which apparently they didn't really have a motivation before. It looks as if possibly Odin Lloyd might have known something about these other murders. So that's why he was killed.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder If Tom Brady visits him and he just, like, walks in and goes, yeah, man. How's it. Oh, and then he checks his watch. He. She's like, oh, fuck, I gotta bang. Gisele Bundchen. I gotta roll.

[Giovanni]

Only been here for 10 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's doing a Victoria's Secret shoot.

[Giovanni]

We were catching up. I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Well, is Gronk.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of catching. I gotta break in a new tight end. Speaking of tight ends, I gotta get balls deep in Giselle anyway. Fun.

[Giovanni]

Tell Gronk I said hi and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you next week, Coach Belichick. I got a bang.

[Giovanni]

Giselle. She gets enough about Giselle.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll start on herself with a vibrator if I don't get there in town.

[Giovanni]

Thanks for the image. I'm going to use that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Have fun. Yeah. Sad. I love when people do this. Like when someone murders someone and they go, he had it all and he threw it away. As opposed to just murdering someone and going, well, what are you going to do?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was making $11 an hour, so I could see why he murdered. He was living a pretty bad apartment, so I understand he's driving a Camry with a cloth interior, so it makes sense that he would take a life. But this guy, he was making good cash. How could people do that? Like, oh, yeah, now. Oh, I see. Makes sense that people that were making under $50,000 a year could murder somebody. Yeah. Do whatever. You're not throwing anything away.

[Alison Rosen]

Right. As if about $20,000 is what stands between all of us and murder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's two versions. There's the he murdered the guy for the $18 that was in his pocket. And there's the victim. My God. So senseless. And then there was. He had a $20 million contract, and he was Pro Bowler and throwing it all away. It just goes to show that murder isn't really one of those things that people sort out. They kind of do it. Thank you.

[Alison Rosen]

Anyway, do you think you know anyone capable of murder? Do you think everyone is capable of it?

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Alison Rosen]

You do.

[Giovanni]

We have a friend who the rest of our friends joke about. If any of our friends is gonna commit a murder, we all agree it'll be this one person.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

He's prone to.

[Alison Rosen]

It's never that one person, though. It's the one that you don't suspect.

[Giovanni]

Well, if that happens, I'll let you know. But we all suspect it'll be the one person.

[Gina Grad]

It's that guy, too.

[Alison Rosen]

What is it about him?

[Giovanni]

He flies off the handle Very easily about little things. I laugh because he hasn't killed anyone yet. That I know of.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

But it might happen. Good guy, though.

[Alison Rosen]

Violent.

[Giovanni]

No.

[Alison Rosen]

Or just has a temper.

[Giovanni]

Yes. Loses it over little things. His name's Catamarola. No, it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I don't know. I'm trying to think of. I'm trying to think of who. I think you'd have to. I think. I mean, you know, you'd have to kill him in your car. I mean, if we're just cold, like, cold blooded kind of thing, like anybody. And I don't think. I don't think I know that person. I'm not sure.

[Alison Rosen]

You never know.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, what happens? They rape your daughter or something and then you kill them, like that kind of stuff?

[Alison Rosen]

Oh, I don't know. I hadn't thought that far. I'm just wondering how hard it is to get someone to do this act that just seems so aberrant.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the scary part is, as long as we're talking about the murder in NFL, I think it was Ray Carou. He was able to get his young pregnant girlfriend murdered just by talking to a guy and going, you know, hey, 2,000 up front, and then another 2,000, you know, after you shoot her. And he was like, which one is she? Well, she's. The Pregnant One is 22. Oh, okay. How are we going to work this out? I'm just going to go down a dirt road, and then I'll stop my car in front of her. And then you get out of your car, and then you. You unload a clip into her pregnant ass, and then that'll be that. Oh, okay. That part is the scariest part of life. The part where you can just find strangers.

[Alison Rosen]

I just want to gauge your interest in murder, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. To me, the Menendez brothers. I don't give a shit about. Their parents obviously did something horrible to them, and then they decided it'd be a good idea to give them the shotgun. This guy, the scarier guy, because he doesn't even have a fucking dog in this fight. He just needs four grand or. Four grand sounds like a lot of money to just off a pregnant chick.

[Gina Grad]

There's no country for old men. Guys, you know, they're around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know what's scarier, him or the Ray Carruth one who's like, well, let's see. I got my pregnant girlfriend. We're gonna go watch a movie, then I'm gonna take her back to my place and have sex with her. And then I'll follow her over to her place and then that's where you jump in and shoot her and my unborn child. Okay. Okay. All righty.

[Alison Rosen]

That, that's the what the most chilling, they can just completely cold blooded, no value for life type shit.

[Adam Carolla]

It really want. It makes you want to pull their parents aside. I just want to do a show maybe hosted by Howie Mandel called Nice Job. We go, okay, here's what your son decided to do. He was five years into the NFL. He had a lucrative contract.

[Alison Rosen]

He had everything going for him.

[Adam Carolla]

He had everything going for him. He probably made the Pro Bowl. He was banging a 22 year old. He did not use protection. She got pregnant and he hired this dude to shoot not only her, but the unborn child. Your son thought this would be a fine idea. And then the whole audience goes, nice job.

[Giovanni]

Is that the catchphrase at once.

[Adam Carolla]

And we give him a chance. You know what I mean? Like, we put them. We put them on like a trapdoor, and underneath it is a bunch of crocodiles that were not fed for a month and infected with the AIDS virus. Yeah, I'm upping the ante pretty bad. And then Howie leans against the big.

[Alison Rosen]

In case they make it out of.

[Giovanni]

There, then they'll have AIDS as they get digested.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, man, I'm on a roll. So if you have better ideas, but instead you just sit and snipe at my ideas, you don't come up with your own idea to make fun of my ideas.

[Alison Rosen]

Hates crocodiles.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, thank you. And Howie just sort of leans against a long lever, the big red ball on it, and we let him talk a little bit, you know, and we're willing to hear what they have to say. You know, when the doctor took him out, he used tongs and his umbilical cord got wrapped around his brain. And that part that's used to make decisions was strangled. You know, didn't get oxygen for the first month or something like that. And then how he'd kind of, kind of take his hand, slide his hand off the lever. You know what I mean? But you'd start going, but then you'd get the guy who's kind of defiant. It was like, hey, man. Yeah, I whooped him and I'd whoop him again and see his hand go back up onto the lever, you know, in the audience, you know. Yeah, I'd watch that show.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it was like Ted Bundy's parents were apparently normal. That's the scary thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And not Ted Bundy. Jeffrey Dahmer. The guy who ate people.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry. I'm so sorry, audience.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't know, like, how does that line of questioning go? Like, when you're talking to Dahmer's dad? So have you ever eaten anybody at all?

[Giovanni]

To best of my recollection, no eating of people.

[Adam Carolla]

Not even smaller parts, like fingers and toes?

[Giovanni]

I'm really racking my brain here, and I'm just gonna say no again.

[Adam Carolla]

So, like, when he was a child, would you ever just, like, let's say, for snack and earlobes.

[Giovanni]

Honey, did we ever give.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you know what? I'm sorry. I'm not interested in what she. I'm asking you.

[Giovanni]

Okay, well, again, I can't recall that at all. I'm gonna say no. I'm stuck with no.

[Adam Carolla]

How about Flintstone chewables? Because those are human beings. Oh, wow.

[Giovanni]

You think that might have been the thing?

[Adam Carolla]

How he grabbed the. Grabbed the lever?

[Alison Rosen]

Nice job.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe he ate too many Flintstone chewables. He was like, hey, fucking Barney. Not bad.

[Giovanni]

He bit the head off him.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Speaking of chewables, nature box, baby. Oh, you want a snack? Let's snack. Smart. Summer's coming. You want to get in good shape. You don't want to eat all that crap that's in the vending machine. Try naturebox.com. i'd like to try them, but every time they drop off a box of their delectable snacks, Max Apata just. He crawls into it. He tunnels into the box. He goes into the box.

[Giovanni]

He's swirling in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he chews. I've seen the back of the box. Completely chewed out by Max Apata. Eats everything in the box and leaves it back in place. You don't even know he's in there.

[Alison Rosen]

So destructive.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. Yeah. Nature box. Oh, barbecue kettle, kernels and everything. Bagel sticks, South Pacific plantain chips. Over 100 more. Zero trans fats, no high fructose corn syrup, and nothing artificial. Plus free shipping in the US So wherever you are, they'll bring it to you. Try Naturebox right now. Get 50% off your first box. Go to naturebox.com Adam, you got to tell them you heard it here, so you get 50% off. These guys are great. The snacks are unbelievable. And they're good for you. So let's stay full. Let's stay strong. Naturebox.com Adam. All right, let's see one more. What do we got?

[Alison Rosen]

All right, well, there's so much Donald Sterling news.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Carruth is getting out in 2018 or so.

[Giovanni]

They really?

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, he's not going to be old because he wasn't old when he went in. I mean, come back.

[Giovanni]

A lot of teams use death in the secondary.

[Adam Carolla]

Fresh legs.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, it's the way our legal system works where it's fucking retarded. It drives me nuts when I'm like, well, he didn't actually squeeze the trigger. Okay, did Hitler corral the Jews himself or was it just kind of his idea? Like, you hired a fucking guy. You stopped your car short, and that guy unloaded a clip into the pregnant gal. That's not enough. Well, he didn't squeeze the trigger, so it can't be like, really?

[Alison Rosen]

That's actually something about Hernandez. In Massachusetts, you don't have to be the one who pulled the trigger to get murder.

[Adam Carolla]

So they do got that right over there. Yeah, he just found guilty for conspiracy to commit murder. Not committing the murder part because he just kind of sat in his car while the other guy did squeezing of the trigger.

[Giovanni]

Wonder what state it was. Because in California, that's obviously Charles Manson got ordering the murders.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he didn't go on any runs himself. He was.

[Gina Grad]

He also killed someone beforehand, right? Like when he was like really younger or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Manson.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

But then factor into his, you know, later.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I don't know if that was.

[Adam Carolla]

This was North Carolina. All right. I guess it's a right to kill people without getting murder state. Where were we, huh?

[Alison Rosen]

Donald Sterling.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Sterling. Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

Have you seen any of the interview that he gave on Anderson Cooper? And then the following night Magic Johnson was interviewed by Anderson Cooper to respond. And meanwhile. And then there's Shelly Sterling being interviewed.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it's so weird. What I was saying is maybe he's doing a thing where he's trying to show everyone he's got dementia by going clinger for mash on everyone's ass. Like being so crazy that you go like Uncle Junior or whatever on the Sopranos, like, hey, man, you can't. You can't charge me of this. I'm nuts.

[Alison Rosen]

I am wondering if. How much he really does have dementia. I mean, he claims that he doesn't. Well, first of all, remember we said that she claims that he knew he was being recorded and that she was his archivist. He said that he doesn't even. Like, what's an archivist? Why would I need that? He had no idea that he was being taped. He had no idea. He doesn't know how she got him to say those things. And at first, I don't know, there's something almost believable about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's 82 and he dyes his hair kooky color, which always means dementia or certainly not of his right mind. Yes. I think it's.

[Alison Rosen]

Is he crazy, though, or crazy like a fox? Well, because he does have a history.

[Adam Carolla]

Of people do this thing where they go, well, the guy then took runaways, murdered them, and had sex with their corpses. And then everyone going, he's pleading insanity, but we're not buying. It's like I buy it through the act. You know what I mean? You could almost say in a way, the act of racism is sort of crazy. Or it means you're not at least right in the fucking brain. Right.

[Alison Rosen]

I guess I'm saying, is he legally insane? I mean, when he claims that she baited him and got him to say these things and that he doesn't remember saying it and that he had no idea, you know, is he lying because he wants us to think that he's this infirm old man, or does he really not remember it?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But can I tell you who the happiest man in America is?

[Alison Rosen]

Who?

[Adam Carolla]

Michael Richards. He's just sitting home, fucking petting his tabby, going, you go, girl. This is awesome. Please talk to Anderson Cooper again. Could you please?

[Gina Grad]

The second happiest is Jesse Jackson. Another apology tour's coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, baby.

[Alison Rosen]

So we have a little clip.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Magic or Sterling?

[Alison Rosen]

Well, we have both. First, it's Sterling because. Because, you know, he started out by saying that he wanted to apologize, and he also explained that he was foolish and he loved her. And now he, you know, he doesn't know if she ever had feelings for him. And maybe he was deluding himself and that he was jealous. He was jealous of her bringing black players because that, you know, she had described them as black, but they were, you know, guys that she wanted to date or he didn't want her to be seen with other guys. It wasn't about them being black. And so. But then. Then things took an even worse turn when he started talking about Magic Johnson. And here he is. He says that Magic Johnson called him and told him to, like, lay low, don't say anything, I'll help you. But then changed his mind. So he's sort of the reason we clipped it this way. There's something that explains why he is kind of angry at Magic Johnson.

[Adam Carolla]

At the beginning, he lulled me into waiting a week. Do you know what I mean? He said, don't do anything. He told you you're saying he told you not to say anything? Yeah. Don't do anything. I know the girl. Don't do anything. I'll. I'll help you. I'm waiting and I'm waiting and I'm waiting. What you're saying is Magic Johnson called you up or you called him up? I don't know his phone number. He called you up when the tape. I don't call anybody. He called you're loyal to you. He. He called you up when the tape came out and he told you not to say anything? Yeah. Why did he say don't say anything? He just said, wait, be patient. I'll help you. We'll work it out. Why do you think he said. I think he wanted me to just do nothing so he could buy the team. He thought maybe the whole thing would be resolved in two weeks. What has he done? Can you tell me? Big Magic Johnson, what has he done? Well, he's a business person. He's got aids. Did he do any business I like? Did he help without my crocodiles with AIDS was a bad idea. But this is a good interview. You're all over the road. Alison. Sex with every girl. This is great. He catches HIV and is that someone we want to catches, respect. And tell our kids about Anderson. You know, it's not like he's one of those homos out getting aids. He got it the right way, but either way, you know what I'm saying?

[Alison Rosen]

Oh, my God. There was this other moment where he says to Anderson, he's like, you know what it is when you like a girl and she doesn't call you back or something like that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my mom. Exactly what you mean, Trudy.

[Alison Rosen]

So that second part where he's talking.

[Gina Grad]

About perfect name for some reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Anderson as the whitest man on the planet. Can I talk shit about the blackest man on the planet for just a minute? Can you agree with me?

[Alison Rosen]

So that part about Magic Johnson, that the sound bite, that part everyone has been playing, but the lead in to it where he explains that he felt, you know, duped by Johnson. That one hasn't gotten as much play. However, Magic Johnson says that. No, he never called him. On the contrary, Sterling called Johnson and wanted Magic Johnson, or I'm gonna call him Magic. Sterling called Magic Johnson and wanted him to sit in on an interview with him. But. So anyway, now we have a clip of Magic Johnson. Okay, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Interview is sad. It really is. I'm gonna pray for this young man. I hope Donald can see the mistake that he has made. And also the people he has hurt along the way. And then what's really sad, you know, it's not about me. This is about the woman you love outing you and taping you and putting your. And putting your conversation out here for everybody to know. That wasn't me. I didn't do that. I don't know this young lady. This is between you to. But then he wants to include me, and I'm not included in this situation. And then he wants to, you know, ask me what I've done, you know, in the minority community that's well documented what I've done. By the way, do you ever think there's a part when they go, I pray for him. I pray for an anvil to fall on his fucking head?

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Alison Rosen]

What's that?

[Giovanni]

I didn't say what I prayed for.

[Adam Carolla]

I did not say what I was praying for. That's right. Yeah. I'll bet you a million dollhouse he does that. I do. I'm putting all that shake on it. Wow. All right, bring it home, baby girl.

[Alison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosenz Bitkund. Sorry to be a boner killer here.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. All right, my book, available on Amazon. Click on through and bookmark it. Brian's book available as well. Click on through and bookmark it. And thank you in advance. Dan St. Germain, bad at the Good Times. It's available on Amazon coming up June 10th. And the podcast My Dumb Friends every Tuesday on itunes. Thanks for supporting US and fund anything.com forward slash patrols. We'll continue the fight. And until next time, this Adam for Dan and Allison. And bald. Say it. Oh, and Chaz. What'd you put up there, Gary? All right, Saying mahalo.

[Gina Grad]

Boner.

[Giovanni]

All right, that is it for today. Scroll Classics, tune tomorrow for the Sunday episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Until then, mahalo.

[Giovanni]

And get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Alison Rosen]

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[Gina Grad]

They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Gina Grad]

Pluto TV stream now.

[Adam Carolla]

Pay never.