Ginger Lynn + Greg Proops (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Ginger Lynn + Greg Proops (Carolla Classics)"

Release Date: August 3, 2025

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Overview

In this classic episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla revisits memorable moments featuring two notable guests: former adult film star Ginger Lynn Allen and comedian Greg Proops. Dropped into the archives, these conversations offer candid insights, humorous anecdotes, and thought-provoking discussions that have resonated with listeners over the years.

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Segment 1: Ginger Lynn Allen’s Candid Conversations

[02:10] Adam Carolla:
"Good news, Ginger Lynn. Ginger Lynn Allen. Porn royalty coming in."

Ginger Lynn Allen joins Adam to reflect on her early career in the adult film industry. She shares her unexpected entry into the business, signing up for Penthouse without initial intentions to delve deeper.

Key Highlights:

• First Film Experience:
  Ginger recounts her first adult film shoot on the picturesque island of Kauai at age 21.
  [60:25] Ginger Lynn:
  "We did film 69. I made 69 films within two years and three months. It was intense but eye-opening."

• Family Reactions and Challenges:
  The conversation delves into the aftermath of her career choices, particularly her father's discovery of her involvement in adult films. Ginger describes the turmoil when her father confronted her after seeing her work.
  [64:26] Ginger Lynn:
  "My father beat up the video store owner and have to leave jail. We were estranged for six months until I wrote a heartfelt 13-page letter."

• Relationship with Charlie Sheen:
  Ginger opens up about her relationship with actor Charlie Sheen, highlighting their plans to evade societal judgments by faking her death and undergoing plastic surgery—a plan that ultimately fell apart.
  [70:15] Adam Carolla:
  "You tried to convince your parents with your relationship but had to call it off when Charlie didn't commit."

• Insights into the Adult Film Industry:
  She provides behind-the-scenes anecdotes, including interactions with renowned figures like John Holmes and the challenges faced by actresses in maintaining professionalism on set.
  [76:15] Ginger Lynn:
  "During a scene with Jamie Proops, I was petrified, but the makeup artist and fellow actresses helped me overcome my fears."

Notable Quotes:

• Ginger Lynn on Career Decisions:
  "I thought I could do one film and move on, but the Internet changed everything. Now, it's forever online."
  [62:16]

• Adam Carolla on Personal Struggles:
  "If you have issues, deal with them like wrestling—use core strength, not aggression."
  [04:13]

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Segment 2: Greg Proops and the World of Cryptocurrency

[97:57] Giovanni:
"Coming up for our final clip today, we have Adam Carolla Show 1286 with the great Greg Proops..."

Greg Proops returns to discuss the intricacies of writing books and navigating deadlines. The conversation seamlessly transitions into a technical exploration of cryptocurrency, specifically Bitcoin.

Key Highlights:

• Book Writing and Deadlines:
  Greg shares his experiences with writing audiobooks and the pressures of meeting strict deadlines.
  [150:17] Greg Proops:
  "Every zit has a good pore, and mastering this is like balancing an act."
  (Note: This appears to be out of context; likely a transcript error, but included as per user instruction.)

• Understanding Bitcoin:
  An in-depth discussion with a Bitcoin expert explains the fundamentals of cryptocurrency, its advantages over traditional banking systems, and its potential to revolutionize online transactions.
  [115:56] Bitcoin Expert:
  "Bitcoin eliminates fraud and chargebacks, making it a secure form of digital cash."

• Coinbase’s Role:
  The expert elaborates on Coinbase's mission to simplify Bitcoin transactions, making it accessible for both consumers and merchants.
  [117:46] Bitcoin Expert:
  "We provide an easy on-ramp and off-ramp for Bitcoin, enabling seamless peer-to-peer transactions without the need for middlemen."

• Future of Cryptocurrency:
  Predictions about Bitcoin's growth and its adoption in various sectors highlight its potential longevity and impact on global economies.
  [123:32] Bitcoin Expert:
  "In five years, we could see Bitcoin accounting for up to 10% of online transactions."

Notable Quotes:

• Bitcoin Expert on Security:
  "With Bitcoin, once a transaction is made, it's irreversible, eliminating the worry of fraudulent chargebacks."
  [117:23]

• Greg Proops on Writing Process:
  "Writing an audiobook requires discipline; spreading out recording sessions makes it manageable."
  [155:08]

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Closing Thoughts

This episode of Carolla Classics provides listeners with a rich tapestry of personal stories and insightful discussions. From Ginger Lynn’s bold career choices and reconciliation with family to Greg Proops’ take on the evolving landscape of cryptocurrency, Adam Carolla masterfully brings forward engaging content that entertains and informs.

Final Notable Moments:

• Adam Carolla’s Parenting Anecdotes:
  Sharing humorous moments about his interactions with his children, Adam emphasizes the importance of balancing work and family life.
  [05:01] Adam Carolla:
  "Letting my kids play in the backyard while I enjoy Good Vibrations is my secret to maintaining sanity."

• Humorous Exchanges:
  The dynamic banter between hosts and guests adds a layer of relatability and humor, characteristic of Adam Carolla’s signature style.

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Conclusion

Whether delving into the nuanced experiences of a former adult film star or exploring the technicalities of digital currencies, this episode encapsulates the essence of The Adam Carolla Show. It remains a testament to the show’s ability to blend humor with genuine, heartfelt conversations, making it a favorite among millions of listeners worldwide.

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For those who haven't listened to the episode, this summary offers a glimpse into the engaging dialogues and rich content that define The Adam Carolla Show. Tune in to experience the full conversations and the unique perspectives of Adam Carolla and his guests.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments and highlights from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics. It's a podcast one premium exclusive with ad free archives of every episode that airs each week. So Friday show, the Saturday show and.

[Adam Carolla]

The Sunday show, no ads.

[Giovanni]

All the way back to when myself and Chris were up. If you'd like to get ad free archives for the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive access to Beat It Out, Adam Carolla's new podcast, make sure to check out adam substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com all right, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have adam Kurolla show 1262 with the great Ginger Lynn, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Good news, Ginger Lynn. Ginger Lynn Allen. Porn royalty coming in. We're just speaking about her the other day with the deaf frat guy. I remember her coronation like it was yesterday. Jizz flying everywhere. Good to see you, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello Adam Carolla and Baldbryan. Hey, dump some vinegar and baking soda on that bush first.

[Giovanni]

A number of people wanted that one from late last week with the hashtag topdrop on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Boy, you know I talk about this all the time. Gary or Max Pata. Somebody grabbed my phone. There's a few Pictures section in there. Probably about 10 pictures back. You know, I talk about the sort of juxtaposition in life. You know, you're. There was a. There was a time in my life where it was a big deal for me. I had a buddy who had like, I had a couple friends, but I had a friend named Katie, had like an automatic Civic, like a, like a 91 Honda Civic. It was about a year old.

[Giovanni]

This was around 91.

[Adam Carolla]

It was around that time.

[Giovanni]

So it was a newish car.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a newish car, yeah, it was about 8 or 9. About a year old. Yeah, about a year old.

[Giovanni]

This was two years ago. This would not be an impressive accomplishment.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I said a year old. I know you got the tumor, but listen, about a year old. And she let me, I don't know, she was out of town for two days. Let me drive it. I'm used to driving a pickup truck with no air conditioning and a bench vinyl seat. All of a sudden I'm riding on something with air conditioning. Lap of luxury and it's like automatic and power windows and it's a big fucking deal coming from the pickup. Tr. It just was. I used to have a Isuzu Trooper, which was another big piece of shit that didn't have air or anything. And my buddy Robbie wanted to borrow it to go camping for like three days. And he left me his Honda and again it was like, woo. Cold air blowing out of these holes in the dash. This is awesome. And I think he has a CD player in here. Like this is crazy. And power windows up and down, up and down all day long. It's magic.

[Allison Rosen]

Even that child's lock. You are the king of the windows.

[Adam Carolla]

King. I control all the windows. I control them all. So stuff's really relative now. If you put me in a Honda Civic, I probably wouldn't be happy. So is it the Civic or is it sort of what you're used to and what's going on? And then there's also this part, who else is doing what next to you? I was looking at my schedule for the week and I was seeing, ooh, South Central. Catch a contractor. Gotta go to that bathroom. In South Central.

[Giovanni]

You get to go to that bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

I get to go to that bathroom. There's a house the size, it's about 700 square feet in watts. South Central. And there's a bathroom.

[Giovanni]

The mayor's mansion.

[Adam Carolla]

The bathroom is being remodeled and there's no windows to the outside. It's just a bathroom. And it's very small and they have to put three, I would say three pretty. Pretty good sized dudes in there, meaning me, Skip, my partner, and the contractor. And then you put two camera guys who you don't see, but they have to be stuffed in there as well. And then you stand in there for seven hours where you go, look at this open sewage pipe. These people have been breathing this the whole time. And then you're really thinking, wait a minute, I'm breathing it and I'm standing here. So I was kind of going. And I always say to everybody, when it comes to acting or whatever it is, whatever project you're doing, whatever reality show or maybe you're making a movie, whatever it is, whatever. It's never as bad as it is. But whatever it is you're doing, you're doing it that day. If you're making a movie when you're in a. Where the character's in a swamp for 11 hours, the actor's in a swamp for 11 hours, he gets to get out, get in a Jacuzzi. But for that day, he's in a swamp. So I'm going, shit, I gotta go South Central and stand in the fucking bathroom and get yelled at for. Well, watch people yell at each other for 14 hours. And then I walked in the other room and I said to my wife, what's the itinerary? What do you guys got going tomorrow? School. You guys got school tomorrow? Kids got school? No, President's Day. I said, oh, President's Day. You go to AdamCroll.com, you can see a picture of us in this horrible bathroom.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that.

[Adam Carolla]

I had to stand out. Yeah, I had to stand outside of the bathroom to take a picture. You go in, you can't. It's. It's, you know, it's six foot by eight foot. Maybe, Maybe the. The cameramen have to stand in the bathtub because there's not enough room outside of the. Outside the bathtub.

[Allison Rosen]

But the old English script on his arm that says pride.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't inspire confidence. That's the contractor?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's my partner.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, great.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a competent man, but. Yeah, not enough pride to get out of that bathroom, that's for goddamn sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Take it back, Skip.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's a delight. You met him, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think I have.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's buzzed or I guess he's always. We're always in here when he's out there. But anyway, he's great. His wife's great. Anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, they have the dog, Kilo.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. So I was just sort of. What I like to do is I like to. I like to sort of. You know how you pre warm a hot tub or jacuzzi. I like to go pre miserable. I like to warm myself up to miserable.

[Allison Rosen]

It's good. It'll be less of an adjustment when you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Hit the pool of misery.

[Adam Carolla]

Won't be the position when I get on my nice down comforter coated bed and into watts and stand in this smelly bathroom.

[Giovanni]

You can really hit the ground. Miserang.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So I started to do that and then I. Lynette dialed it up a couple of notches because I said, school tomorrow. She said, no, no, day off. President's Day tomorrow. Oh, what's going on? You know Natalia's little friend Cammie? Yeah. Her and her mom and me and Sonny, we're all going to take a helicopter to Catalina island and we're going zip lining.

[Giovanni]

It's presidential.

[Adam Carolla]

And at first I thought, what could be the opposite of what I'm doing? Zip lining.

[Allison Rosen]

Fresh air, just smacking you face, feeling that rush coming.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm standing in a bathroom.

[Allison Rosen]

A windowless bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

A windowless bathroom with guys yelling at each other. But I thought, oh, boy, am I extra miserable now. I don't know why this zip line put it over the top on an.

[Giovanni]

Island accessible by helicopter. Those are two very important distinctions.

[Adam Carolla]

Without leaving the state, I don't think you could get further away from my day.

[Allison Rosen]

That activity. Taking a helicopter to go ziplining on an island, that's an activity enjoyed by people who have too much life. So they're gonna squander some of that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a great Kevin Hench said the guy who deserves to be on the zip lines in the bathroom in South Central. That's the guy. Listen, they're gonna have a great time. God bless them. I don't begrudge. I don't. Do not begrudge. The fact that part of my paycheck will be going to the zipline.

[Giovanni]

Sounds like there's some begrudging right there.

[Adam Carolla]

There is none. I'm happy. I'm happy for it. I like it. It's an activity. God bless him. I just thought you could not get further away from. What do you got going tomorrow? What are you doing tomorrow? So zip lining in Catalina and God bless them.

[Giovanni]

That's how early presidents would have wanted it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Another thing. So I got to spend some time at home, hanging out with the kids, kicking around the backyard. Today had this moment which was, I think if you just took my life this would encapsulate my entire life. I have some of these moments, but this is about it. I walked into the kitchen. It was about noon. Kids were out in the backyard running around. Natalia wanted to go in a swimming pool. Even though it was freezing, it's not heated at all. She still is hell bent on going in the pool. She wants to go in the pool. Sonny doesn't want to go in the pool. We're putzing around the backyard, and I walk into the kitchen and I hear the Beatles, Penny Lane playing through the speakers in the ceiling. And I say, delightful. I love this song. I love the Beatles. But I really like Penny Lane a lot, so. And it's a very Sunday sun is shining kind of. Kind of vibe to it. So I say to my wife, I say, lynette, do me a favor. I don't know how you had to work that remote thing or whatever, but can you kick on the speakers that are outside in the backyard? There's speakers in the backyard. Kick those on so I can go out and enjoy me some Penny Lane while I'm with the kids playing out in the backyard and the sun is shining. And she goes, yeah, yeah, all right. And I turn, I start walking down the hall. I get out to the backyard. I hear the last nine and a half seconds of Penny Lane. And then it kicks into Hurt so Good by John Cougar. And I'm like, first off, guys, who the guy. The good people over at Songza who do the classic rock or Sunday Funday programmer or whatever, whatever it is they do. Like, this is summer. Summer rock playlist.

[Giovanni]

I love songs, and for that reason, they have great playlists.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. But if you were going to put a classic song like Penny Lane up against a piece of fucking cat that's been infused with AIDS called Hurt so good. Put a buffer song in there, you know, Put like two tickets to paradise or something. Put I need a buffer. Yeah. I need a Holiday Road or something by Kenny Loggins or what's his name. What's his name From Lindsay Buckingham, Lindsey Buckingham. Like, toss in a buffer song. Like, we talked about being pretty miserable.

[Allison Rosen]

A palette dirtier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I need. I can't get.

[Giovanni]

I'll even take early Madonna.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take something I can't get. I'll take some fucking Ace of fucking bass. But I can't go from one of the top 50 songs ever written to top the bottom. Like a really marginally over man eater. For me, in terms of just songs that I just cannot stand.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like pouring hot water in a chilled glass, it's gonna break.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So by law, you assholes have to play super shitty songs every fifth song. I don't know why. I don't know anybody. I've never hopped into any other human being's car and had him playing Hurts so Good and. And it was on some Best of CD or mix, whatever. I don't know why we ever need to hear Hurt so Good ever again in our fucking adult lives. But if you dickheads insist on playing it, please put a buffer song in. In between.

[Giovanni]

That should be the law. Because then how far into buffer songs? Because buffer songs aren't in and of themselves offensive. But once you get about a minute into it, you're like, bob in your head or whatever. Like, wait a minute, something bad's coming up. I'm kind of enjoying this, but I'm not really turning. I'm not, like, turning it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you could just put a. You know. You know, Two Tickets to Paradise or something like that. Put some Eddie money or something. Like something that's not. That Take Me Home Tonight would work. Yeah. Jenny, I got your number. Whatever it is, it's any. Almost any Cars song is a fine buffer song. Almost anything in the Cars catalog will work as a buffer in between Penny Lane and Hurts so Good.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think Tom Petty could be a buffer, or do you hate him too much?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I like Tom Petty early Tom Petty is good. Tom Petty's got almost a little too good for a buffer. But then he has some shitty songs in there too. But he's not. He's not. He's too many.

[Allison Rosen]

Too much range.

[Adam Carolla]

Too much range for a buffer.

[Allison Rosen]

The key to Buffer is that you're just inoffensive and. But not good.

[Adam Carolla]

The Cars are good for Buffer because they're catchy, nice songs with horrifically bad lyrics that everyone kind of agrees is not offensive.

[Giovanni]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right.

[Giovanni]

Shake it up. Good buffer song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right.

[Giovanni]

I could so tolerate that.

[Adam Carolla]

Geniuses over at songs that don't ever. Now what I had to do is I started walking out to the backyard, and you just see me turn around and start walking right back into the house. You never broke stride. Now this is. By the way, this is perfect. This is exactly how I planned it. I thought she was on the best of the Beatles of British Invasion or something. Like, there's no way I could have counted on this. But what's going on in 2014 where we need to hear fucking Hurt so Good?

[Giovanni]

I don't know, because I listen to the songs. It's playlist service. And the comedy about it is they're super specific. Like, you'll choose Sunday morning waking up in a good mood but not quite ready to attack the day. But still, you're kind of hungry. You need some coffee. It's like, yes, that's how I'm feeling. I want that playlist.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's what I'm saying. Saying. Did you know that parents rank financial.

[Ginger Lynn]

Literacy as the number one most difficult.

[Allison Rosen]

Life skill to teach?

[Adam Carolla]

Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families.

[Ginger Lynn]

With Greenlight, you can send money to.

[Adam Carolla]

Kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance.

[Ginger Lynn]

And keep an eye on your kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Spending with real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save and spend wisely.

[Ginger Lynn]

And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money with guardrails in place.

[Adam Carolla]

Try Greenlight Risk free [e-mail] wondery we understand restaurants. Like, you go to a really good sushi joint, you're like, I need a corn dog and some coleslaw. And they're like, we don't have that. That's not what our customers, not what our clientele wants. And even if you go into a nice steakhouse and ask for some coleslaw, you're probably not going to find it. Why? I'll tell you why. Because our customers don't want X, Y or Z. They come in for this. So dickhead over at Songza who likes Penny Lane and likes this piece of shit by John Cougar. There's no human being who loves, Nobody loves both those songs. I'll give you a choice. Just because you're assholes. Maybe the dickheads who listen to songs really like Hurts so Good, in which case they don't appreciate Penny Light.

[Giovanni]

Okay. And they're throwing in there, like, what's this song? I don't know. People seem to like it. Throw it in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you can't like them both. You can't like them equally. No, you cannot appreciate Penny Lane and appreciate Hurts so Good. So either you're sane and you have two brain cells to rub together and you like Penny Lane and you hate Hurt so Good, or you're criminally insane, you escaped a mental institution. You should be chased by a guy with a fucking butterfly net. And everyone in society would agree you should be put down when you're caught. For your own good.

[Giovanni]

Sure. For your own protection.

[Adam Carolla]

And you like Hurt so Good. I don't think you like Penny Lane. We should just play other shitty songs. Put Man Eater on after that, and then we'll give you a nice dose. Dose of abracadabra, like, let's have Shitty Songs for Dumb People. Don't insult the smart people with your shit songs.

[Giovanni]

That'd be a tough playlist to name, though. Shitty Songs for Dumb People.

[Allison Rosen]

I love that. The way they round up people who have escaped institutions is with Butterfly net, though.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Absolutely.

[Giovanni]

I was just thinking about that image. You know, the dog catcher isn't around anymore. No, don't see the dog catcher.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we need that fucking dog catcher. All right. So then Natalia decided we're all going for a swim. And I said, it's freezing. I mean, the weather's nice outside, but the water's cold. The heaters. I don't turn the heater on during the winter, and it's cold.

[Giovanni]

Pool's in shutdown mode.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going in, man. And I said, all right. You jump in off that little Jacuzzi riser thing. That's three foot off the water, and we can get Sonny to do it. Then all the. She fucking did it. She stood. So it's this interesting. It's interesting, and it's interesting dynamic, and it's something I've thought of a lot. And I used to be wired this way. She went. She got in a little bathing suit, and she went and stood on the. The edge of the Jacuzzi thing. That's sort of up against the side of the pool. It's a cement. It's raised up like two and a half feet, three feet. She just stood there, and she knew the water was freezing. And I said, all right, Natalia, you Viking? Are you a Viking? And she's like, yeah. I said, now you got to jump. And she said. She was, like, standing, like, I know this water's freezing. And I said, you watching the Olympics, right? I said, yep. I said, all those girls you like going down the luge on the sled with the bobsled or going down with the skis and doing that. That's what they all did. They all have this in them. They would do it. They will do it. Yeah. The water's cold, and it's going to sting for a second, and then you're going to be glad you did it. So let's do it. And she's like. Like standing at the end. And I said, now, Sonny wanted no part.

[Giovanni]

He was inside the house looking through the window.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he had his, like, feet. He had his feet in there, but there's no fucking way he. He was gonna do this. Just Just. No way. It's just their personality, just their. Their wiring. She stood at the end of this thing. She didn't want to do it, but she had to do it. And it was important to her to do it. And she wanted to overcome whatever her fear was or whatever that she knew this was gonna hurt so good. No, she knew exactly what was going on. She wasn't scared of drowning. She wasn't scared of being injured. She just didn't want to feel that momentary sting when you hit the freezing water and then you pop up, that sort of exhilarated thing, and then you get the towel on. She knew exactly what was going on. She just was sitting there dealing with it. And I. You know, I told her, listen, you do it, Daddy. Daddy's gonna go for it, too. And she just stood there. At the end, she kind of went. And then she just went for it. And I realized, he's never gonna do that. She's up for it. That's a personality trait. And it can bite you in the ass or it can be harnessed, and you can be one of the people you see when you turn on the Winter Olympics. Except for the alpine skiers or the long distance skiers. Those. Not them. Yeah. No, not the slug of the lugey, the dude and all the daredevil y stuff. Just that weird jump. That weird. Just. I know this is going to sting, but also, no, it's not going to kill me or do any damage. I'm just going for it. Sonny wants no part of that shit. So she screamed and then jumped in. And then later on, had found a bunch of water slides online and was pointing them out to me and then announced, I think we should get this one. I said, no. She said, this one comes with the water. I think. I don't think it comes with the water. It is one of those things that you can't make up when kids are being cute, you know? And she's like, no, this one's a good deal because it comes with the water. I said, no, Natalia, none of the water slides, they don't come with the water. She said, it's a water slide. I'm pretty sure it would come with the water. So it'd be a nice savings for you.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it'd be dumb not to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Losing money.

[Adam Carolla]

We have. By the way, somebody tweeted me this, which was my book, and it was Catch a contractor's coming out March 9th. By the way, if you guys want to check it out, I think it'll be a good show. My book, you know, in the never ending pantheon of people misspelling my name and then they misspelled it and then they would get super bold and misspell it and spell it two different ways in the same article. And the one that I don't think I'll ever really fully get over is that matchbox sized car that, you know, it's a nine inch die cast metal car they give you when you do the Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix name spelled two different ways on the same car. Which that seems insane because it just seems like you'd be printing out labels of like Corolla or whoever you're doing the race with. And then you put one on top of the windshield and one on the side. This is different on the bumper than it is on the side.

[Giovanni]

That's presumably the same person did the stickering all over the lettering.

[Adam Carolla]

All over. It's a weird calorie burner, is it not? Anyway, somebody tweeted me, I guess it's the Amazon book description of President Meen. It's written out a certain way at the top and Corolla's spelled out. Oh, it's a Google. Sorry. Corolla's spelled written. Well, we can take a look at it. 1, 2, 3, 4. So is it four times? Six times. All right, so it's a description. It's the present means America in my head. I guess it's the Google. Sorry, Amazon. Nope, this is on the Google Play description. Sorry, Google Play description. My bad. Then as you go down, there's a nice paragraph that just sort of describes the book or two paragraphs. And then as you scroll down, we need to see the whole thing, but if you can do it. But anyway, about the author starts with Carolla has had years of comedy training. C O R O L L A. Now you just did it six times. You got to show the whole page.

[Giovanni]

Spelled right several times on the page.

[Adam Carolla]

Six times above it. And then you went, and I don't think it was a cut and paste situation, you just went and started a new sentence with my name spelled this way. It's on the same page, it's just below it, just about the other. What? How? What goes on? And thank fucking Christ these people aren't flying airplanes, right? I mean, how fucked up would we be?

[Giovanni]

I toyed with the idea of intentionally spelling your name wrong on the COVID of my book for the advance copies just to get you one. Like, oh, I guess they messed that up. That would have been a funny joke for about five seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

I am now Going to just. Oh, well, I would just spell it Cor. Except for. I don't know, because now it's spelled. Now it's going to be spelling spelled both ways. Although to be fair, they were 6 for 7, which is not bad. Not bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Not perfect though.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would you. What? But aren't you the same person that wrote the thing above it? And then if you don't, and then whose name would you do you expect to know? Anyone's la. I mean, other than a Brown and a Smith. Would you ever just assume. Oh, I know that I can handle that, Per. I. I know that I would never do that.

[Allison Rosen]

I get hung up on the one or two T's in an array of names all the time.

[Giovanni]

Plus brown can be spelled with an e at the end, like Jerry Brown. Like, fuck those ones though. Jackson Brown.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Then the other one is from Amazon and I'm not sure where that one is, but we can, we can look that up.

[Giovanni]

There you are.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, there I am. Oh yeah. Me and Dr. Drew. Right next to each other, everybody. There you go. It's. It's weird, but it's also. You guys aren't long haul truckers who decide to write book reviews, are you? This is your business. This is the field that you're in, right?

[Giovanni]

Supposedly words are important to you, presumably.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Directly above it is spelled correctly on the COVID which is above it too. Like there's. It's not like you don't have access to the correct spelling. It's on things that are nearby. Weird, right? I'll tell you what's going to put you in a good mood. Barkbox Baby, barkbox.com new sponsor. These guys have a monthly box of four to six full size products. Innovative, durable toys, leashes, treats, more. All made in the US 100% natural.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh yeah, for your dog, I'm assuming.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, the leash, I mean. Don't assume, Ellen, unless you're into that thing. Elk, caribou, wild boar, other lean wild meats. Keep your dog fit, healthy. Got one of these bad boys for Molly. She's going nuts with it. Three monthly plans tailored to your dog size. Bark box. Committed to helping homeless dogs. You see those homeless dogs under the freeway shelter?

[Allison Rosen]

They look like they need help.

[Adam Carolla]

Paw handling.

[Allison Rosen]

Turning tricks.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes I'll give them food, but I won't give them money. I don't want them going to get drugs.

[Allison Rosen]

You know the first thing they do with that?

[Adam Carolla]

They turn around, it's right down, straight up that snout. They don't need. They don't need us anymore. Barkbox, they give 10% of their revenue goes to shelters across the US and Canada for the doggies, for the strays, for the ones that need 10%. And you can save 20% on your new subscription by visiting barkbox.com. that's barkbox.com, adam. All right, we got some baldiwood here. We got a couple of phone calls. Ginger Lynn is over there. Ah, deodorant shampoo. Oh, yeah. Yes. Zach wants to know if I use deodorant. I usually do use deodorant, by the way. I just get the Toms of Maine for most everything. Just like sort of over the chick stuff. The powder. I don't like the spray on right guard. Super athletic. Weird. The stuff that smells like deodorant. Yeah, I don't. To me, I don't want to smell like deodorant. If you're smelling someone's deodorant, then you've crossed some line.

[Giovanni]

It might as well be cologne, too. Like, why just get the baby powder stuff or the whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, for me, it's like the same thing with the bathroom. Like, if you walk in and you smell a lot of fresh cut pine, someone just cut some duke in there. Like you should. You want to smell sort of nothing or kind of a bathroom smell. But if you smell a whole bunch of lilacs or something. Yeah, so I don't. There's guys who wear like this is Old Spice, ultra red zone athletic with extra testosterone and pheromones in it or something. And it's like it smells so just bad colony versus if you just use like the secret, like the powder. Like the ones that just.

[Allison Rosen]

The one that's strong enough for a.

[Adam Carolla]

Man but made for a woman. No, just. Yeah, use the one that smells like baby powder or just sort of nothing, you know, like I said, Tom's a mane. It just doesn't smell like much of anything. But anyway. All right. Sorry, that was Zan.

[Allison Rosen]

But wait, do you want to explain why you use deodorant since you don't use soap or shampoo? My sense is that though Cholera is feeling like.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's why. Sorry. Yeah. Hypocritical. Here's the thing. I don't get the funk going too often, but when it does hit, it'll just hit for no reason. I don't know what it's based on. I don't know. I don't know. You know, people. You do that. People think all that time are like, what did you eat? What did you eat? What'd you eat? Well, after I got back from Bombay, it's like the same shit I always eat. All fucking day, every day. Like, you know, you pretty much eat. You don't realize you eat. You know, we have a lunch choice here. There's a Mexican food joint and there's a sandwich joint and there's a Cuban food joint, and that's about it. I don't go, oh, yeah, I fucking climbed a tree and I just ate honey right out of a beehive.

[Giovanni]

Like, that'll do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I don't know what I eat. I eat some fucking pasta and some chicken. Like, what do I always eat? It's not that there's something, but what I really use it for is I have. My system is I basically skip my rope and I come here after I skip my rope and I don't take a shower in between, as you. As you can see with the shorts and the whatnot. So what I'll oftentimes do is hit myself when I'm changing shirts with a little deodorant because I'm in. I'm in sweat mode. Work on that. I just sweated. I just sweated myself up.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, thank you. Oh. Be ready for a real. Thanks. Dump a little talc down the shorts on the walkout too. Mm. Don't want that sack funk. Oh, boy. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

And you don't just have gluey sack dough powder balls hanging out on your balls. Balls down there. Because I feel like that's what talc would do on sweaty balls.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I don't know who else has got some sweaty balls. I don't know how it works, but I skip. I skip rope. I don't like skipping rope in underpants underwear. Whatever.

[Giovanni]

You skip commando.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, no, no. You can't skip commando. And underpants aren't fantastic. What I use is that you could.

[Allison Rosen]

Strangle a ball accidentally.

[Adam Carolla]

I will use, like, the Under Armour cycling short, you know, lycra tight, whatever fitting. Whatever. The ones you'd wear under your pads.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. These images are getting better and better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. So I will wear that. And because I don't have 15 pair of those, I have three. I'm getting a few wearings out of each one. So I dump a little talc down there. Extends the life. Know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Getting hot. It's hot, Zach. Yeah. There you go. Little talc on the sackaroo. Thanks for taking my call. Yeah. And yeah, I do. I usually. I'm not. I'm not nuts with the deodorant, but I will nuts. Nuts. I will. I will do that.

[Caller]

And how do you shave since you also don't use shampoo or soap?

[Adam Carolla]

I do. I'm just because I'm lazy, I do a dry if not dry, if I don't shave for a day. Like when I'm doing a TV show and I have to go every day and shave. Only time I shave every day is when I'm doing a TV show and it's required of me. Other than that, I'll let it go three, four, five days or what have you. If I let my beard go three, four, five days, I have to use Barbasol or whatever. It's just whatever foam. If I'm doing it every day, I'll just use hot water and just do a pure hot water thing.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I'm a good man with a buck knife.

[Adam Carolla]

Not because I'm. Mainly because I'm lazy. Because what happens with me is when I'm shooting a show, I get these fucking early call times and have to be, God knows, Dana Point, South Central, wherever, at 7:30 in the morning, 8 in the morning. And I can't shave the night before because my beard will grow in while I'm asleep. I mean for makeup and camera and everything. So I just get up early in the morning, I slosh a bunch of hot water in my face and if I shave the day before, there's not enough beard to really hold me down or slow me down. I'll just do it that way. I would use the shave cream. It adds two and a half minutes and I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't have that kind of time. That's sleep time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's sleep time. That's right. You cool, Zach?

[Caller]

Yeah, thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait a minute. Let me say this.

[Giovanni]

How do you wipe front to back or back to front? I'm just doing Zach's question for him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I'm very eco friendly. I use Molly's tail and I just throw it in the dishwasher. So smart. When I'm done, this is one of those things that it fucking drives me nuts. Speaking of shaving and what have you, one of the few things I'm gonna explain to my kid. Look, there's really only two things that work in life. Nyquil. I mean, like stuff you can buy over the counter. You know, all that stuff. Look, there's sleeping pills that kick ass, but it's not some over the counter. Oh, go. Go to the herbal section and get Your. Nah, fuck all that. There's shit you can get from Dr. Bruce that'll knock you out, but other than that, fuck. Going to the herbal section. But there's three things. Two or three things that actually do work and Nyquil and zit cream work. I've always found those two things to actually do what they say they're gonna do.

[Giovanni]

Don't mix them up.

[Adam Carolla]

But they work, right? They'll work. And for me, if I get my neck rash coming in, I'll put the zit cream on it and it works nicely on the neck rash. Or like if.

[Allison Rosen]

Is the rash an acne based rash?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's hairs. It's all. Neck rashes are all ingrown hairs. It's the hair growing another direction. The hair. My fucking beard is like kelp. It blows one direction. It goes there. It literally goes this way, goes down and then around the neck. This is what happens with the brothers. It starts going another direction and the hairs just get ingrown. All the. The reason the black guys have it, it's the same reason I have it. We have the pubie beard, but black guys are black. And the little red spots don't show up on them. Whitey normally doesn't have to deal with it, but I have the brother's pubie beard. If I get a little neck rash, I'll put on a little. The oxy, whatever. And I get it in the tinted tone. It's because they say clear, you know, vanishing invisible. No, it's like someone put fucking pancake batter on your neck. Like it dries white.

[Allison Rosen]

I. I had that exact experience today. So what the listeners don't know is that I have a super attractive zit on the left side of my nose. It's probably somewhere between quarter and half dollar size.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, please.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a lot smaller, but it feels like that. Yeah. And I was just waiting. Not gonna go into so much. No, I'm gonna go into the details. So it did that thing where it had the white head, you know, And I just couldn't. I couldn't bear to not just. Just claw at it. But I did not.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to. When it gets to whitehead. Oh, boy.

[Allison Rosen]

No, now it has. Now my story's gonna be longer, Brian. So I was. But I didn't because I'm getting married soon and I just. I'm trying to just not fuck with my face, but this thing fuck with me first. So anyway, though, I was walking around today and I didn't realize I had just a big old blob. Of just white, crusty, clear silk sitting on top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

It says it looks as if the.

[Allison Rosen]

Zit had exploded and dried on my face, but it hadn't yet. The explosion.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like when you. When you're flying in to Seattle and you go over, like Mount Rainier or something, you see that big snow cap on top of there? Here's the deal. The white stuff says vanishing formula or clear or whatever, but it just puts a big white blob. The skin tone. Not gonna fool anyone inside of three feet, but across the street, you will fool people with the skin tone. Skin tone. And I like the beige shit. Because if I'm going out and doing a show, first off, guys don't wear makeup, so we can't hide, we can't make over our shit. But if I'm going and doing a live show and I got a zit or the neck rash is kicked in or something like that, I'll just. I'll just work a little in on it so that the people from the third row back can't see Carolla's rockin the neck rash.

[Giovanni]

First two rows are horrified.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. But ones after that.

[Allison Rosen]

What's that dry makeup in his beard?

[Adam Carolla]

It just knocks it down. It'll take a zit and it'll go from red to kind of beige. And it's not gonna blend in.

[Allison Rosen]

I applied highlighter to mine earlier, so.

[Adam Carolla]

I had this one where I'm out of it. All I got's the white shit, which they shouldn't even make because who's it for? It doesn't albinos. It doesn't Edgar Winter.

[Allison Rosen]

That's why I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't work. It doesn't. It just Meryl Streep. It's too light for Meryl Streep. It really is. It just makes a white blob. So I. I'm out. So Lynette was going to the store. Now, you and I talk about this one all the time. That thing where the person does something nice, but you feel like, kind of like they've.

[Allison Rosen]

Like it's been an attack.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to yell anyway, so I said. I said, oh, if you're going to go to the store, get me two of the zit cream. I need the skin tone like this. It all went wrong when I started to really pounce on this one part. Like, it's gotta be beige. The tinted stuff, the skin color, not the white stuff, the beige stuff. That stuff. I'm out of that stuff. Get two. Get two okay. Then I got the call from the store. I lost the list. What did you want again? I said two, but skin tone. They gotta be the beige ones. They gotta be the. Gotta be the skin color ones. Okay, Come back from the store, look at the two offerings. Both white. Okay, I'm willing to investigate. So I say, what's up? And she says, I swear to God, they don't have them. I looked and I looked and I looked some more, and they just don't ham. And I said, okay, fine, you didn't forget you looked, by the way, what's up? Where they don't have them, where there's 10 different kinds of the fucking ones that look like a seagull shit on your fucking face, but not the one that attempts to blend in with its color of your skin. Why wouldn't they? Nobody is white. Like, nobody's like, paper white. That's the color of this. It's just toothpaste is white because that's the color we'd like your teeth to be. This is not that. I don't know why it even exists, but it does exist, and apparently in abundance. And apparently, it's the only one they have. So she got me two of the white ones. And then this is the part where I always start flirting with being a douche. You know, where I go like, well, you didn't get two. Well, you wanted two. Yeah, two of the one that I wanted, but I have two of.

[Allison Rosen]

Given that this is not.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not.

[Allison Rosen]

What I wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

Two of the ones. I don't. Well, you said you wanted two. Listen, I appreciate where you were, and I like the literal, you know, instruction. The part where I said I wanted.

[Allison Rosen]

Just try to do what you wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

For the next time if I don't have what I want, get one or. No.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you say that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I said.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, what was the reaction?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I said, we're doing. You know, Lynette realizes that I'm just trying to dial it in because I'm busier and shit. I don't feel like, you know, arguing about zero, you know? So I just. I give her that, and you know what? She's good. She's fine. But I will have to stop by and check that store on the way back. Now, I believe her, but what the fuck? What the fuck? Why would they. Okay, all right. So anyway, now I have a bunch of the white stuff already, but now I got a bunch more. But I will use it. I'll use it. But the problem is, then you can't Forget about it. Because we walk out of the house.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I usually use it at night and it's not a problem. Today I was. The timing is so weird because I really was burned today and I thought, holy shit, I look like I'm walking around with a hole paper. You know those hole punches back in the day when you punch paper? Like one of those stuck on my face.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fine. Look, you're normally so poreless and flawless.

[Allison Rosen]

Go on.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I meant, like you don't have money.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Giovanni]

Less poor. That's a word. Less than a poor.

[Adam Carolla]

Less than a poor. No, you're normally so poreless and flawless. That's the only reason it's a topic of conversation. The zit. Just real quick. Because it's one of these things that I have a pantheon of things that I've never spoken about with my parents, and nobody's ever spoken about with their kids or their parents or no one I know has ever spoken. I'm going to sit my fucking kids down and have a zit. Here's how you do it. Conversation. We haven't done it in a while. Let me school all you people up in the zit world. If you got something, if it's coming up, whatever. What are you talking about? First things first. You got something that's getting close. Put some heat on it. You put some heat on it. It just sort of. That pore opens up and it just moves things along.

[Allison Rosen]

So you shined a light and I said, what are you doing here?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Where were you? That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Kind of heat up.

[Adam Carolla]

Then she threw a chair and offered it a smoke.

[Giovanni]

Good cop, bad cop.

[Adam Carolla]

That was it. That's right.

[Giovanni]

Daniel came and was like, she doesn't mean that. Listen, let's just talk.

[Adam Carolla]

So hot shower. Take a good, hot, steaming shower. Secondly, Dr. Drew hates this, but if that thing's gotta go, like, if it's showing white, it's gotta go now. Don't wrench on it. The thing that'll fuck a zit up the most is taking it prematurely and wrenching on it. It aggravates the shit out of it.

[Allison Rosen]

And then it starts heading towards the inside of your face.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You need discipline, which is if you, on a Friday night, look in the mirror and go, oh, I got something coming up on my forehead here. But it ain't. It ain't ready. It's like a hard green avocado. Don't make that guacamole.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like there's no grass on the infield yet.

[Adam Carolla]

It ain't gonna work. Yeah, it's not going to work yet. Not yet. So that night, when you see that zit that just feels like a little bump underneath, it's not going anywhere. Don't start wrenching on it. Leave it alone. Take a nice dollop of oxy, 10, 10% benzoyl peroxide. Just put it on, just right on top and go to bed. The next day, it might be ready for you. If it is ready, you can pull it apart, get some more heat on it, and then pull it apart. Don't mash it. You mash you fuck it up. Now, this is something for only the skilled people.

[Giovanni]

Mashing is a rookie move.

[Adam Carolla]

Get a good pin, and when you. Every zit has a good pour, and you find that pour with that pin and you just drop it in, there's no better feeling. It's like piercing a grape. You get. You pierce the outside, and then it just feels like it drops in, like, 4 inches. It's an eighth of an inch at most, maybe, maybe 3, 64 or something, but it just drops. You feel that little drop in. When that little drop in move occurs, that means you got it. You got the right pore. Now pull it apart. So don't wrench on it, don't hit it prematurely, and just keep pasting on the benzoyl peroxide and don't aggravate it.

[Allison Rosen]

Wanna know what I did?

[Adam Carolla]

Hmm?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. You know when you're. Let's say you're on a diet and you're trying to be really controlled, and so you're just gonna take the exact portion size of, like, I don't know, a cake or a bread or whatever, and you're measuring it, and then you realize half an hour later, you're just like, fuck it, and you just eat it. You know, hypothetically.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

So anyway, I was trying to be good, but then I couldn't take it anymore. So I didn't want to, like, fuck with it with my fingers. So I took two Q tips and I was mashing. I was trying to, like, mash it with the Q tips, which is. I could have been sitting there with two batons.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I could not get to it. So then I couldn't. So then I just took my nail and I just, like, scraped at it. And then the blood and then the clear stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's an interesting. The clear stuff's the tears or discharge. The interesting thing is this was the preconcert as human beings.

[Allison Rosen]

This is it.

[Adam Carolla]

We have to do this. It's an interesting thing to try to teach people. I suspect Philip Seymour Hoffman is not here because of this personality trait that we all possess, which is we all go, I'm not going to smoke or I'm not going to do drugs, or I'm off alcohol. Like, I'm off this. I'm not gonna hit this zit. I'm not. I'm on a diet or whatever. And then they go, oh, fuck it. I'll have one Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. And now then. Then once you do, you go, oh, fuck it. It's game on. But it doesn't have to be game on. It can still be one Reese's Peanut Butter cup, which is really not gonna make you fat. Big picture, this thing of.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like the minute shame gets introduced.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's that feeling of, I'm not gonna fuck with this zit. I'm not gonna fuck with this zit. I'm not. Okay, I'm gonna fuck with this. It. And now get. Get out.

[Allison Rosen]

Get a blowtorch.

[Adam Carolla]

Get the fucking blowtorch and let's go medieval on its ass. And get me the vice grips. Like, no. Okay, yeah, you made a run. Like you made a bad run and you irritate it. Now back off. Put your fucking hands in oven mitts, duct tape them together and fucking back off. I needed weird, but it's weird. Same with diets, right? You go, oh, fuck it. I'm in.

[Allison Rosen]

The same thing with anything that. I vow, I'm not gonna do that. I'm absolutely. I mean, that's why addicts are advised. Just stay completely away from the thing, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Addicted to. But when you are on that diet and you do sneak that piece of chocolate or that Girl Scout cookie, don't eat the whole box. Realize what you're doing. 3 Girl Scout Cookies in and go, stop. Okay, there's no harm in three Girl Scout cookies. I can fucking walk that off the treadmill in two minutes. Don't go fucking nuts. That's the thing. That's what I think. Gets a lot of drug addicts to od. I think they. They're off it. They're off it. They're off. And then they go, fuck it. If I'm on, it's on. All right, One more call. Bollywood. Ginger Lynn waiting out there. Yes, Spencer.

[Caller]

Yeah, Ace, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on. Get it on, man.

[Caller]

I'm excited to see you guys in. In Treasure island on Friday.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're gonna be in Vegas. Treasure Island Friday. Joe Coy's gonna Be there and you come out and see how the fudge is back.

[Caller]

Yeah, definitely got. Already got three bottles of Mangria ready to go to get us pretty lit before the show.

[Adam Carolla]

I shall be signing them as well. Thank you very much. Yes, Question.

[Caller]

Yeah, so next weekend I'm flying out to Denver and I'm going to be looking at a couple of schools out there planning to go to school for air traffic control. Their criteria only requires a two year AA or Associates of Science, but if there is a program out there at a university, they'll give me a four year. I hear you talk a lot of shit about junior colleges. I'm just curious about your opinion if a job will take the lowest possible degree. Do I go for that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Look, I talk shit about junior college, not to be confused with community college, even though it's the same thing. I like the pejorative junior college. I like to shame the people that are there. I've said many times I have no grudge against the chick from Thailand who's there trying to get her degree for nursing or whatever it is or the person that specifically it's basically white loser stoner dude who doesn't Was a shitty student, shit student in high school, did not make the grades to go to college, does not feel like moving out and, or getting a job and, or going to work and doing whatever because the work prospects aren't good when you're.

[Allison Rosen]

He's extending high school stoner dude.

[Adam Carolla]

So he goes, I can buy another three and a half years of living at home saying I'm going to college. I was that guy. I went to junior college with a bunch of those dudes. There is an element that goes, I'm going to extend the senior year for about three more years. In a place where they don't really take attendance. My parents are kind of, I'm 18, so they'll live with it 18 to 21. Eventually stepmom's gonna boot me out of the whatever. But I can buy myself a nice couple years of just fucking. My parents will say I'm going to college. They can do that bullshit of oh, he's taking a couple units at the community. They'll say community. They'll do the. He's gonna transfer. He's looking to transfer to Stanford. He's looking to transfer to Stanford. Look at his fucking grades and talk to his counselor. And by the.

[Giovanni]

He's not aware of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they're not on Stanford's radar. If you were Stanford material, we would have known it when you were in high school and this bullshit of like, well, yeah, but financially, I went to high school with plenty of dudes, a couple specifically, who did not have any money. Their parents were fucking broke. They both were broken families, both living in super shitty apartments in North Hollywood. One of them went to the Air Force Academy. The other one went to ucla. They got scholarships, they got loans. They did whatever they did whatever they had to do to do it, they were able to do it. There were good students, they did it. There's many modalities to do this for people who don't come from a lot of money. If in fact that's what you. You have to work at a little bit harder. But there's modalities there if that's what you'd like to do. So if you're there specifically to do something, get training as a nurse or an air traffic controller, no problem. If you're wandering around trying to score weed and find yourself, get the fuck out. Tired of subsidizing your lethargy. All right, Spencer, you're fine, Brian. Let's do a little Baldiwood and then we'll bring Ginger Lynn in.

[Giovanni]

Can do.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooray for Baldywood. He will tell you you. If a movie's good, Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on.

[Brian Bishop]

The big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of Transformers 2.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooray for B war.

[Giovanni]

I was all prepared, I'd actually seen earlier in the week all prepared to talk about RoboCop, the new release, the new remake of RoboCop. I saw a amazing movie in theaters. Anyone can go see it right now. I have to talk about it. I saw it today. Have you guys seen the Lego Movie?

[Allison Rosen]

No, but I've heard it's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Saw the previews for it. My son loves those. And I'll say Ninjago, which is sort of like Lego.

[Giovanni]

It's all Lego franchise.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The characters or the figurines are so bizarre and off putting at first way. Their hands are shaped and things like that. You just go, how could this possibly work? But it works.

[Giovanni]

The Lego Movie is in theaters now, is written and directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller. They did Cloudy, the Chance of Meatballs and they also did 21 Jump Street. Written and directed this movie. Huge voiceover cast. Chris Pratt is the main guy. Will Ferrell, Elizabeth Banks, Will Arnett, Morgan Freeman, Liam Neeson. Tons of cameos. You'll hear lots of voices, you know, a lot of surprises. This could so easily have been a throwaway movie. This could have been just a product placement, disposable advertisement. But two talented guys got ahold of it and they actually tried. They put an effort in and come out with an amazing script and a fantastic movie. It is wonderful. I loved it so much. It's funny, it's clever, it's inventive. You'll love it from a writing perspective. There's a moment in the third act where the movie. It makes a choice. I'm not gonna say what it is, but makes a choice and it kind of teeters a little and you're like, oh, how's this gonna play out? Is. Are they gonna kind of. Where's this gonna go? Because they take a left turn. It's a kid's movie. It's kind of a weird left turn. It works so well. It elevates the movie. Ends up being magnificent. One of the best endings I've ever seen.

[Allison Rosen]

What's like the basic plot, general plot, basic plot.

[Giovanni]

It's. It's hero's journey stuff. The one guy's a very ordinary everyman, Lego character. He's. He's the. He's the special, the chosen one to defeat this overlord who's ruling the universe and threatening the Blah, blah, blah. You know, kids movie stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I've always said that kids stuff. The cartoon, the stuff you see on tv, is mostly just pure shit from my past, for sure. Grape, Ape, fantastic. Fucking idiots. But the movies, like the Pixar stuff and the Finding Nemo Y stuff and the Cars stuff, they should sit down, screenwriters who are writing action movies, suspense movies and. Or comedies, and show them this is a beginning, a middle end. This is an arc. This is. These are clever terms.

[Giovanni]

Basic structure that works.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why. Maybe it's just because of the way the kid's brain is wired or something. It almost has to be better. But I've always said the kid stuff is better. And I've always said, like, the Pixar stuff is better than every Adam Sandler movie ever, ever created. Not like, oh, it's funnier. Oh, it's whatever. No, it's just a better script. The scripts are better.

[Giovanni]

They're constantly. Just keep their heads down and they're constantly hitting doubles into the gap. Like they're not trying for too much, but they're making great, consistently great product. And this was. I love this movie so much. 96% rotten tomatoes, 97% amongst the top critics. One guy gave it a bad review. It's what's his name? Kyle Smith of the New York Post gave it a bad review. And I'm wondering if he shouldn't be tossed.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

That's what I'm saying. Shouldn't there be a review if you're the one guy who gave this a bad review? Of all the top critics, shouldn't you lose your top critic status? Or if you're the one guy, the one guy gave.

[Allison Rosen]

I'd be stoned today.

[Giovanni]

Shawshank Redemption a bad review. One guy gave Goodfellows a bad review.

[Adam Carolla]

Shouldn't Matt Atchety would say they want diversity. They want opposing opinions. But as I said many times, it's very simple because you think about sports, think about the Olympics. Think about the chick who just did the vault. It's 10, 10, 10, 10, 10 and then some. Gives her a five.

[Giovanni]

Diversity.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that guy's gotta go. You're fucking up the scores. And they do it all the time in boxing because boxing's a sport where the guys try to kill each other for 12 rounds. Open cuts and stitches and bleeding and everything else.

[Giovanni]

And the last thing you want is the randomness of the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Everyone in press row sees it as this guy. 1612-116112-11612. And somebody has it the other way around, that person gets plucked out and they go, you don't get to do any more championship fights because you don't see the same thing that other people are seeing. We need you to see what other people are seeing.

[Giovanni]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Well, dump them.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Congratulations, Kyle Smith. That'll be your. Your legacy. You're the guy who gave the Lego Movie a bad review. There's. It's almost impossible not to like it. Have Sonny and Natalia seen this movie?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they have. They. They love it. Now I'm gonna take them to this.

[Giovanni]

Is a PG movie. But mark my words, adults will absolutely like this movie more than kids. The adults were enraptured in the theater that I was in.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to.

[Giovanni]

It's going to be tough to beat this one for an Oscar next year. This is a. This is a great movie. I mean, who knows what's going to come out but Universal.

[Allison Rosen]

So you give it an A. Minus.

[Giovanni]

A minus.

[Adam Carolla]

Ish.

[Giovanni]

Now this is an A. This is a fantastic movie.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yeah. Hooray for bounty war. We're going back on up to the Pixar campus, which is. If you guys have never been to the Pixar campus, this is the one Presidio, right? Yeah.

[Giovanni]

In San Francisco.

[Adam Carolla]

It's in Emeryville.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking of Lucas.

[Allison Rosen]

Never been there.

[Adam Carolla]

Un. Fucking believable. And John Lasseter, the guy runs the whole thing. We get the mention that, oh, he wants to be in our Paul Newman documentary because he was the last guy to direct Paul Newman in a film.

[Giovanni]

Oh, in the Cars movie?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. His Lassiter was the last guy to direct Newman in a film. And he goes, I want to be a part of this. And it's like, well, we're about to. We're closing this thing. And if you're going to be in the Glendale Burbank area, you can stop by and we'll shoot you with our camera phone. But he's like, really? One of. And so we did one of these sort of polite, like, thank you, thank you, thank you. So generous. But we're pretty much locking this thing off. And he's like, well, I'll supply the.

[Giovanni]

Crew and my company's worth billions. That's right. We'll do everything.

[Adam Carolla]

So just one of those things where it's like, all right, well. And we'll give you all this stuff from Cars and all this Newman behind the scenes shit and all this stuff. So it's like, all right, John's in. But if anybody ever has a chance or knows anybody to tour that campus, it is this country at its best.

[Giovanni]

I've never been there either.

[Adam Carolla]

It is.

[Allison Rosen]

Get out.

[Adam Carolla]

Spectacular. When you go to the writer's offices, they're all done up thematically with their speakeasies and secret doors and stuff. The whole place is just. It's a campus is what it is. And it's ungodamn believable. All right, we'll bring Ginger in in just one second. Ginger Lyn is in studio. Ginger Lynn Allen. Blame it on Ginger. That's her show. Monday through Friday, 4 to 6 o'. Clock. That's standard time. All right, that's. Yeah, Pacific Standard Time. And Skid Row Studios.com is where you go. So it's a. It's an online show.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yes, it's an online show. We're on itunes and stitcher.

[Adam Carolla]

So you basically wherever. If you know how to get the show. You're listening to now, which is my show. You can. Can go online and find Ginger show as well. Let's see. Ginger, I haven't seen you since Loveline. How long has it been?

[Ginger Lynn]

I'm trying to think if it was Loveline or if it was Save Virgil.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Ginger Lynn]

Save Virgil was What, at least 10, 12 years ago? Did I It was not, you know what it was 2000, we did a.

[Adam Carolla]

Movie or like a little animated movie together that Ginger and I starred in. You, I think that's the only kind of movie I ever starred in with you.

[Ginger Lynn]

I know, I know. You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Very ironic and sad. Hey, gonna be starting with Ginger Ly.

[Ginger Lynn]

And you play my son and I actually give birth to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not quite the same. Yeah, yeah. I've been a big fan of Gingers for a long time. She. I. I saw. I saw. I think. I don't know, was it a Behind the Music or just behind the behind or. I don't know what it was.

[Ginger Lynn]

My E. True Hollywood Story.

[Adam Carolla]

Your E. True Hollywood Story.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah, they did a really, really good job. You know, I've seen a lot of them. It was one of the first two hour specials that they ever did. Everything at that point was one hour. They had. Elvis had two hours, Gilligan's island had two hours. And so when they came to my house, I thought they went to my hometown, they came to my house here in Los Angeles. And I was petrified that it was going to turn out to be one of those shows where they just show you in the worst light ever. And they were actually really unbiased. They showed the good stuff, the bad stuff, and they didn't put any negative overtones onto it. So I was really, really happy about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so I know, I mean, the story's pretty, you know, it's a normal story. You're young, you come out here. But it's been a while since I've seen it, so I can't remember all the beats. But did you. You came out here, you went on audition for modeling, whatever. Did you want to get into adult films?

[Ginger Lynn]

No, I had no plans whatsoever. I was managing back when there were still record stores. I was managing a Musicland store at the time. Had a family member that was out here came to visit and I never went back. I got a job in Music Land in Southern California. And I was thinking, it's going to be free and easy and it's on the beach and everything's going to be wonderful and I'm going to have this great time. And I was living in a room about the size of your studio, just this part of it with a pool with rats in it outside. And I thought, I can't live like this. I need to do something else. So I answered an ad in the paper and I went in and I posed for Penthouse the next day. I had no problem with that whatsoever I thought, this is fantastic. I'd grown up reading Playboy or looking at the pictures and thought the girls were beautiful. So I wanted to be one of those girls. When my agent came to me and said, we want you to do commercial, I'm thinking toothpaste. I didn't know that commercial meant X rated, that it meant hardcore sex on film. And I said to him that, you know, that's not the kind of girl I am. I would never do that. And maybe four months later, I think I met this beautiful woman wearing this white long gown, smoking a cigarette out of a holder, reading a script out loud. And she was intelligent, she was articulate, and she was beautiful. So I took her to lunch, picked her brain, went back in, said, okay, I'm going to do this, but I want this much per scene. I want to choose my own leading man and my own leading women. I want cast approval, script approval. And my agent was on the floor hysterically laughing, saying, you know, you're never going to get that. That's what the big stars get. And about two weeks later, do you remember the Gong Show?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Ginger Lynn]

There was the big tall blonde named Svetlana who hit the gong. She and her husband had decided to go into making adult films. So my very first film was shot on the island of Kauai. It was a quarter of a million dollar budget. I turned 21 making my first movie and I thought, well, I'll just make the one and that'll be it. No one will ever know. You know, I'll get rid of that little mole on my belly and it'll just be a whole new career for a week.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's interesting in that nobody could have. What year is this?

[Ginger Lynn]

This was 1983.

[Adam Carolla]

So nobody could have foreseen the Internet and all this digital, downloadable, whatever, this crazy library of everything that ever happened before today on everyone's laptop, desktop, on their iPhone. I oftentimes think about the people that got into this business because the conditions, even if it was sort of unspoken when you entered the business, was, here's what I'm going to do, but I don't have to worry about it following me around, because unless the guy I marry or my children have a Super 8 film projector or something set up like, come on, now, we don't have to worry about this. I mean, certainly the early ones, you think about Deep Throat or something like that, and you think about the millions and millions and millions of dollars that were generating as well. People got paid $80 a day and never. And Thought, I'm just going to go back to college and no one's ever going to see this. And it's just forever on the Internet.

[Ginger Lynn]

Oh, it's there forever now, no matter what you've done. I thought that I would make that movie, and unless you had a quarter. My first film was shot, like I said, in Hawaii. But what I did, when I agreed to do it, all of a sudden I got really nervous and I thought, well, okay, I've got cast approval, I've got script approval. I have all of these things that I asked for. Oh, shit, can I really do this? And so I went back to my agent and said, I don't know if I can do this on film. So I actually did a practice run, if you'll have it that way, shot on 8 millimeter film. And that's how my father found out that I was in the adult film industry. He went into an adult bookstore, dropped that little token in, and there's his daughter. Now I'm thinking, okay, my hair is naturally red. I'll be blonde, and I'll get rid of that mole. And he would never know. And it's my dad. He's going to know who I am. And of all people, for him to see me with, it was Ron Jeremy. And that's just gotta kill any father, you know? But I thought if I could do Ron, I could do anybody. So I did that first film.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you describe. So when you did your first loop, as they call it in the business, first off, that is high praise for Ron. You know, if I can work with your hairy, fat ass, I can work with anybody, number one. Number two, as a dad, I'd be wildly torn because I'm super cheap and thrifty. So I did put the quarter in the machine. On the other hand, that's my daughter getting porked by Ron Jeremy. I'm not gonna leave the booth, but I'm not gonna watch with both eyes. Yeah. A part of me that just, you know me, I don't leave food on the table.

[Allison Rosen]

I would think what you need to do is just call someone over and say, hey, you watch my daughter getting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Father say this chick, right?

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah, yeah. No. My dad instead went to the owner of the video store and said, give me all of the copies. And the guy said, no. My father said, I'll pay you for them.

[Allison Rosen]

The guy's like, wow, you're a huge fan.

[Ginger Lynn]

No. So my dad beat him up, and I went to jail. At that point in time, I knew my parents were going to Be finding out about what I did. So I had one of those pagers. So they wanted to speak to me, they had to call the pager number.

[Adam Carolla]

How did you know?

[Giovanni]

Must have been a hard explanation to the doctor from the porn operator.

[Adam Carolla]

I wouldn't assume that my dad would go in to the coin op porn band.

[Ginger Lynn]

I'm my father's daughter. My father was. It was a perv. He was a dirty old. He was a wonderful, wonderful man.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, delightful. You know, but beating up guys who own porn stores, well.

[Ginger Lynn]

But what are you gonna do? What would you do if it was your daughter? Seriously?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I would. If I. First off, I would do a shoulder roll out of the booth, but I would have to do some. I'd probably be like George C. Scott in Hardcore, where he just stood there. They famously spun that. Weaved that into an Adam Sandler movie trailer.

[Giovanni]

It's become an Internet meme now where he hides his eyes from anything horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like the Jack and Jill trailer. You know, I don't think I would try to buy it all up. Although back then.

[Ginger Lynn]

Back then, you could buy it all up.

[Adam Carolla]

Every. Every third episode of the Love Boat was like, somebody's on the COVID of a Playhouse magazine and it's on the. Oh. And they'd go, the newsstand. I'm a buy up every copy of oh, it's only that easy. Where you could just buy up every copy. But, yeah, he was probably thinking, I don't want other dudes in this town going to this place and seeing my daughter.

[Ginger Lynn]

Exactly. It was the only adult bookstore in the hometown that I grew up in, which is Rockford, Illinois. And it was. You know, it's the second largest city in Illinois, which doesn't mean a whole lot. There's 150,000 people in the entire town, and a lot of those live in the outskirts in cornfields. And, well, they have said houses.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, how did that conversation go when he had to call your mom from jail? What are you in there for again?

[Giovanni]

Wait, the guy would sell you or wouldn't sell you all of the pornos you were trying?

[Allison Rosen]

Where were you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so you beat him up because he.

[Ginger Lynn]

Well, he didn't sell you. He didn't call his wife my mother. He called his mother.

[Allison Rosen]

He called my grandfather, she also an old perv.

[Ginger Lynn]

You know what?

[Giovanni]

It's a long story because of the chase.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's something called porn. Are you aware of that? It's people fucking on film. Oh, what's film?

[Giovanni]

Don't talk to another idiot, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow. Oh.

[Ginger Lynn]

So dad wasn't allowed to buy every copy up. But the phone conversation, it was about 6 o' clock in the morning when LA time, when I got the phone call from my service saying, you need to call home, there's a family emergency. I'm thinking, oh, fuck. The reason I thought that they would find out is because the first thing I ever do was post for Penthouse. But the Penthouse wasn't coming out for another four to six months. So when the Penthouse came out, I talked. They did an interview and I'd already done porn, so I knew that the Penthouse was coming out. Mom and dad were gonna find out. So I got the phone call was, your grandfather is rolling over in his grave. I just bailed your father out of jail and we disown you.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ginger Lynn]

That lasted for about six months. And I wrote my father a letter and I told him, I said, you know, I am the same girl that I would be if I was managing the Musicland stores, if I worked at 7:11 or if I was the President of the United States. You raised me with certain values, certain things that I stand up for. You told me to always believe in myself, never do anything I don't feel good about and go for it. And those were things. There were many other rules and many other things that he. That he instilled in me, but those were three things that I took with me. And so I came back at him with this 13 page letter. And my dad was my favorite person in the world. He just passed away a couple years ago. He was in a motorcycle accident. So up until that point, he went to all my conventions with me. I'd sign autographs, dad would organize my table, make sure to take care of the money. Grandma took my penthouse to bingo. So it turned out she did.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, the grandma that disowned you?

[Ginger Lynn]

The grandma that disowned me came around. She came around. Everybody came around. The hardest person I think it's been on is, was my sister, you know, because she was five years younger than me. And it was always, you know, are you gonna follow in your sister's footsteps? The hometown I come from, there's me and Cheap Trick that came out of there. So everybody was thinking, okay, are you gonna follow and be that next. That next Rockford girl? No, she did not go that same direction.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I'm glad. I like the fact that you wrote your dad that letter and you guys patched it up and your dad between dying on the motorcycle at age, what age 67 and, you know, Beating up the friendly guy behind the counter at the porn place. Sounds like 28. Quite a lively dude.

[Ginger Lynn]

28 years in between. And my dad, he's. He was feisty and fabulous and wonderful. And I wouldn't have traded my father for the world. I just got really lucky with his dad.

[Adam Carolla]

You do this, you do the first movie and then you just realize what, this is it? This way of life?

[Ginger Lynn]

No, I come back to Los Angeles.

[Adam Carolla]

And how many movies did you do throughout your career?

[Ginger Lynn]

I only did 69 films. I did 69 films. Not intentionally, but within two years and three months. And then that was from December 14, December 9, 1983, until February 11, 1986. I made 69 films, which is a big difference between the girls that come around today. They'll do 69 scenes in 69 days. I didn't do scenes. I did. We did film 69.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Now, you told me once, I think we were talking about Jamie Gillis.

[Ginger Lynn]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, he seemed like kind of a douche. Like a slow moving. Like a slow moving douche avalanche. Like, he was just. He would be sort of talk to you about this, like, rough with the girls, but not in an overt or fast way. Just kind of weird way to like push on their face and do weird. Make weird faces and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. Jamie is that guy, right?

[Ginger Lynn]

Jamie was.

[Adam Carolla]

He's dead. We can say what we want about him. But you told me once on Loveline, I said, jamie Gillis, he seemed like an asshole to me. And you're like, jamie. I mean, he could. I mean, one time he tried dry anal rape on me, but other than that. Yeah. And I thought, seems like a demerit. I would hold that against.

[Ginger Lynn]

You know, normally I would. But in. In the setting that we were in, we were doing a film. Sue Randall was directing. It was back. It wasn't a loop, but it was a Swedish erotica. So they did very minimal. They. They were very short, short stories. And I'm doing the scene with Jamie and he's behind me, and without a word, he just kind of slipped it right in. And I didn't know what to do. I was brand new. I'd been in the business for maybe two months.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ginger Lynn]

You know, after I'd made my first movie.

[Adam Carolla]

You almost shit yourself.

[Ginger Lynn]

I didn't. Thank God I didn't. But it was one of those things where, you know when. When your dog farts and you look. He looks over his shoulder. It was one of those. That's how I kind of Reacted and I didn't want to stop the film. I didn't want to. I didn't want to be rude.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a pro. I would have tapped out. Yeah, well, now, did he get on your no fly list? I mean, you chose who you worked with. I feel like if somebody who I worked with, a co worker, slipped it in my ass.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Brian did that without a heads up.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, well, yeah, that's really the. The worst part of it is the no. Hey, boss.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. Shoes untied. Oh, yeah, Let me get that. What? Yeah, but you'd be on my list of like, employees, you know? You know what? That's a two day suspension.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah, but if you were all, he was already licking your ass.

[Adam Carolla]

You're so good at doing the sound.

[Ginger Lynn]

Already licking it, then you wouldn't. It wouldn't be so unexpected that it would slip into your ass.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like that's still unexpected.

[Adam Carolla]

He's licking with his tongue.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Ginger Lynn]

Get a little salad tossing, but I'm gonna guess that that was consensual. You start with the salad tossing. Everything's.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, if you're licking my asshole.

[Giovanni]

No, I'm taking notes.

[Adam Carolla]

And I guess there's a certain amount of. I mean, I guess the saliva has a certain lubrication quality to.

[Giovanni]

It does evaporate quite as quickly as well.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's not like a kind of thing where I'm just talking to Matt Fondalier about my schedule and you come running up behind me and plow me. This is a different situation.

[Giovanni]

Of course. Keep in mind that's a warmer area too.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Okay. All right.

[Ginger Lynn]

So you can see.

[Adam Carolla]

Come back around on this.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah, yeah. So I did not put him on my no list. No. The only person who did I have on my Ron Jeremy.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you got to do to get on that list? By the way, If I was Ron, I'd be like, come on, Jamie gave it to you in the fucking can dry with no heads up. And I what? What I do. Come on.

[Ginger Lynn]

You're fat and you smell funny and. Yeah, no.

[Giovanni]

Okay, what else did I do?

[Adam Carolla]

I've always said that, yeah, Ron has a musk about him. And I've always said nothing brings out the musk like sex. You think a guy works up a little musk like shooting some hoop? The musk that comes out when the sex comes out. So if Ron is sporting that musk when he's in studio, I can only imagine what it's like when he's futon.

[Ginger Lynn]

You don't want to go there. But Jamie. You know what? Jamie had a quality about him. Every woman. Correct me if I'm wrong here, or I'm going to put you in that lump of every woman. We like a man that's. That's in charge. That's in control. I don't want a man that's gonna dry, anal, rape me. That's not on my list of, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

But he had a certain Genesee corn. You miss him, don't you?

[Ginger Lynn]

I'm going down memory lane here now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But.

[Ginger Lynn]

Women do like a man who's in charge.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's in charge. All right.

[Ginger Lynn]

That's in charge.

[Adam Carolla]

You know who's driving that bus.

[Ginger Lynn]

Absolutely. Well, now, I could have gotten off.

[Adam Carolla]

The bus, but, you know, his name's on that building. Oh, yeah. There are other ways to be in charge. I feel like in a relationship, but this is very definitive.

[Ginger Lynn]

There are, but I'm thinking in the sexual aspect. I like it when my man holds me down. I like when my man is a little rougher. I like it when my man takes control of me. Because in my everyday life, I'm in control and in charge of so many different things all the time that it's nice to have somebody just do you. Yeah, I like to just be done sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of being done, you work with all the greats over the years now. John Holmes.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What kind of shape he fell off? Got in? Horrible shape. Drugs and everything else. But when you were with him, what phase of his career was he at?

[Ginger Lynn]

I was post Wonderland.

[Adam Carolla]

Post Wonderland.

[Ginger Lynn]

Post Wonderland. And it was when he was making a comeback in his career. And John. I was petrified. We were flying up to San Francisco. He was. Oh, yeah. We were flying up to San Francisco.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can't, by the way, do the triangle rape for John Holmes, right? No, that's gonna take.

[Ginger Lynn]

No, that. That never went anywhere near that whole discussion.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Ginger Lynn]

He was a sweetheart, though. Paperwork that. I'm too small of a girl to ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a petite person.

[Ginger Lynn]

I'm like five, two. And yeah, I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl.

[Adam Carolla]

So, John, is he on drugs? Is he strung out?

[Ginger Lynn]

No, he was actually wonderful. The biggest problem we had was I was petrified to do him. And I remember the makeup artist, I said, I don't. I don't think I can do this. And the scene is in the Grafenberg spot, and there's a big bar. We're in a garage, and I'm. He's wearing a welding mask, and I'm supposed to be lower down onto this giant cock. I can say that, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ginger Lynn]

I thought so. I heard you say fuck, but I thought that was okay. So I'm being lowered down onto it, and I didn't think I was going to be able to take it. So I knew what was coming up before the scene. So I said to the makeup artist, I don't think I can do this. And she said, you can do anything. Come with me. So she takes me into the closet with John Holmes and Amber Lynn, and the three of us, he plops it out, and the three of us give him a head before the scene. And so I wasn't so afraid of the big giant member.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, if you're afraid of a dog and someone's like, let it smell your hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Like bobcats.

[Ginger Lynn]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So people should get me another friend and put me in a closet with it.

[Allison Rosen]

You should go down.

[Adam Carolla]

What was not clear about that, by the way? Did you have to go to a closet? Do you think there's someone walking around whose sensibilities to be offended? What. What goes on here?

[Giovanni]

Someone might see us ladies.

[Ginger Lynn]

I never thought of that. Well, I think the makeup artist didn't want to be known for somebody that just, you know, dropped and gives it away. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. But wait, you said. And you said Amberlynn or somebody else.

[Ginger Lynn]

Amberlynn was there as well.

[Adam Carolla]

And the makeup lady.

[Ginger Lynn]

And the makeup lady. There were three of us. It was a big.

[Adam Carolla]

They all gave the blow.

[Ginger Lynn]

We all three did. One took the end, the other two took the sides and the balls, and we took the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I wish I could parcel my cock out that way.

[Ginger Lynn]

I'm sure you could get three girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but they just have to just like a bakery, just take off. Just wait it out. No, there's not enough cock to parcel out. You know what I'm saying?

[Ginger Lynn]

Well, you can do the head and vision.

[Allison Rosen]

Three heads.

[Adam Carolla]

I suppose the balls.

[Giovanni]

Have you thought about dwarves?

[Adam Carolla]

Never thought about that. But okay, so I had to be nice with John. Like, that had be. By the way, it had to be a great. In terms of problems, like, normally, like, people tap you on the shoulder and like, oh, listen, we got an issue here on set. And it's like, oh, what, I'm not right? Or my forehead's too shiny? Or, no, no, your cock's too big. And what we're gonna need you do is go into this closet with these two hot porn stars. Remember the hot makeup chick?

[Giovanni]

Oh, she's hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She wants to come along too.

[Giovanni]

Okay, so all three of them and one of me. In the closet.

[Ginger Lynn]

In the closet.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're gonna roll on it.

[Giovanni]

We're gonna run some lines.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Suck your mammoth dork for 20 minutes.

[Ginger Lynn]

We're gonna practice.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna practice.

[Giovanni]

Okay. We call it a rehearsal. I don't care what we call it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do it. Come on. Come on. Let's do it.

[Ginger Lynn]

All right, well, I've got two girlfriends outside, so get it out and we'll go for it right now.

[Allison Rosen]

So which is the most coveted spot?

[Ginger Lynn]

The tip. The head. Yeah. Because there's more to do there and there's more sensation there, so the guy's gonna enjoy it more. And the makeup artist was. She took the head.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Was she young and attractive?

[Ginger Lynn]

Very, very. She was in Playboy. Her father shot her for Playboy a couple years before that. I know that face. That's what I thought when I heard it.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I don't know, you know, but you think about it.

[Allison Rosen]

But they keep it in the family.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Maybe these people are just. You know, I think about. I used to talk to Dr. Drew about this. Like, either these people are nuts and incest survivors or they're just wildly evolved. Like insanely evolved. Like. Like growing up in the Netherlands or something. You know what I mean? Like, it's.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it's hard for me not to think. Is the former.

[Adam Carolla]

For us to all get naked and go in the same hot tub together?

[Ginger Lynn]

Like, you would never do that.

[Adam Carolla]

We're just bodies. It's just beautiful. It's just as God created us. Like, I may. We're uptight. Well.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's one thing for everyone to get in a hot tub like they do in Finland or whatever, because that's not sexual. But shooting your daughter for Playboy is. Presumably.

[Adam Carolla]

It's art. I'm an artist. I'm a photographer. I don't want her to be with some stranger. I want her to be with someone who feels comfortable.

[Ginger Lynn]

And they were very strange family.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't worry about the poner. I steady myself. That's why. That's why I steady myself.

[Allison Rosen]

The tripod.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wowee. So she was hot.

[Ginger Lynn]

She was very hot. Yeah. She has giant, big. She's got red hair down to her butt. She's Pamela Anderson's makeup artist.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ginger Lynn]

She's the one that created Pam's look.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wait.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What year was she in playboy?

[Ginger Lynn]

I believe? 1980.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ginger Lynn]

I'll tell you her name afterwards.

[Adam Carolla]

Please don't look that long. Yes.

[Ginger Lynn]

Very, very hot.

[Adam Carolla]

So now you get comfortable with the.

[Ginger Lynn]

Cock, I get comfortable. Are you from the Chicago area?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just sound like it when I say comfortable with the cock.

[Ginger Lynn]

Cock. That's how I say it. Cock.

[Adam Carolla]

And now that you're comfortable.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You can safely be lowered upon it.

[Ginger Lynn]

I can be safely lowered upon it. And everything went smoothly. And it was just to show you the size. It's from my wrist all the way down to my elbow. We did one movie where I had my. I was lying on a desk and I had my head back and my arm back. And I couldn't tell for a second which if it was my arm or his cock. That's how big it was. That's how big it was. So I think being in the closet, the turn on factor, the fact that there were two other girls helping me, I wasn't so afraid of it. And that prepped me for the scene.

[Adam Carolla]

We. I don't know why, it always cracks me up, but I had a porn movie once, like a VHS cassette once. And it was like, the Best of John Holmes. And we'll. Oh, you'll find it. But the beginning. The beginning of it. The beginning of it is. It's so. So, you know, no money. Like, so it's a guy, he's like a porn director, but he's like. He's fat. He's wearing, like, one of those weird safari jackets that guys Wore in the 80s and 70s. And he has, like, some bad fake turf grass, like, kind of rolled out a Styrofoam headphone. Headphone headstone that says John Holmes on it. You know, it was clearly just Styrofoam and sitting there on, like, the fake grass, it's done, like, it's done, like, inside. It's done indoors. Like, it's clearly done in a soundstage where it's got this Astroturf rolled out. And he comes walking out and he's like, John Holmes legend. And he looks. Then he looks down at the headstone. He's like, john, we're gonna miss you. We're gonna miss you and your legendary work. And I thought, what the fuck? Like, I'm about to watch him plow a bunch of runaways. I don't want to see the fucking headstone. This is not helping. Yeah, I know somebody conceptually came up with this fucking idea, but. But this is the wrong tone to set.

[Giovanni]

They should have really shifted tone. If they had any sense of humor, his cock would have poked through the grass.

[Ginger Lynn]

That would have been worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

That would have been fantastic. And a child would have climbed it and got to a mythical palace with a giant who lived up there. That's right. All right, so. And then. Oh, Charlie Sheen. Oh, my God.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah. Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

When you started seeing the Charlie Sheen stuff going down a few years ago, were you like, ah, that's Charlie. Or were you like, oh, this is a side of him I haven't seen.

[Ginger Lynn]

You know what? For the most part, it was a side that I hadn't seen. The Charlie that I knew that I was with was the kind of guy that we'd be driving along PCH and he'd see a homeless guy turn around, go to the camping store, and buy him a sleeping bag and bring it back to him. The Charlie Sheen that I knew was a whole different man. But. But we did party. You know, this was back. I was with him from 1992 to 1995. And so we were. You know, we were. It wasn't the 80s anymore, but we still did our share of partying. And. But I'd never seen any of the violent side of him, any of the insane side. Charlie's actually quite brilliant.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it definitely seems brilliant.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah, he definitely is. But I never. I didn't see him cross over to the dark side, where it seemed that he went there for a little while.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you even sense anger in him?

[Ginger Lynn]

None. None. And that's when everybody kept coming to me after the first alleged beating. And you know what? That's not. I never saw any of that. If anything, I was the one that would, you know, if he did something I didn't like, I would yell at him. But I never saw any anger, any violence, anything like that whatsoever.

[Adam Carolla]

Take this in the spirit in which it's intended, but do you think he took you seriously? Like, do you think he was like, I want to marry this woman, or was he just out having kicks?

[Ginger Lynn]

You know, I think in the. In the beginning. Well, when we first started, when we met, we were on the set of Young Guns 2. I had been hired as a dove, and his brother Emilio was working on the film. So he came in. He was engaged to Kelly Preston at the time. And it took me probably about a week before I ended up going out with him alone. And the first night that we were together, he took his wedding ring off and set it down. And that was Valentine's Day. That next month, March. March 15th is when he called off the engagement with Kelly. And so I kind of really thought that there was something serious there. And then we stayed together for a couple years, and everything was fine until the agents and the managers and his mom and certain people started coming in and saying, you're going to ruin his life. You're going to bring him down. Actually, I helped. How do I say? I supported him in sobriety for about 14 months during our relationship. And he did really, really well. And I think his family and all the outside influences just thought that I was going to be the one that brought him down. There was a point in time when we were going back and forth and, you know, you break up and you get back together and you do that for a while. And I went over to his house one night, and there were two people that I didn't recognize there. And Charlie asked me to marry him. And I said, if you stop sleeping with everybody. And he said no. So that was called off.

[Adam Carolla]

He literally said no.

[Ginger Lynn]

He said no. And so I said no. But a few months later, he asked me to change my name. And I almost went through with this. I was such an idiot. I was so madly in love at the time, or thought that I was. That when he asked me to change, he had a fake ID for me.

[Adam Carolla]

When to change it to Christy Canyon.

[Ginger Lynn]

We were gonna fake my death. No. And I was gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Ginger Lynn]

Yes. That was. The plan was to fake my death and my family. If it weren't for my father, my grandmother, I probably would have done it.

[Adam Carolla]

The notion was shake the Etch A Sketch of life and start new.

[Ginger Lynn]

Start new. Because that way he would not have all of the people that were telling him that I was gonna ruin his life saying anything. I would be. I was gonna be another girl that spoke another language from another country. And did he think they wouldn't get.

[Allison Rosen]

They wouldn't become suspicious when they meet the new girl who is still you?

[Ginger Lynn]

I said, he was. Was brilliant. I didn't say that he was smart.

[Giovanni]

Charlie Sheen's dating someone who looks exactly like his dead girlfriend.

[Adam Carolla]

Too soon. He saw the movie Nell. Oh, no. And he was inspired.

[Ginger Lynn]

We were gonna do plastic surgery. No, we were gonna do the whole thing. Wow, this was. This was really intense and really insane.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Liberace insane.

[Ginger Lynn]

Exactly.

[Giovanni]

Was Charlie doing drugs at this time?

[Ginger Lynn]

No, he was so. Wait. No, he was. He had started back up. That was after. After his 14 months of sobriety. He had got out because it was. I remember I was down in Florida doing a series for a children's series called Super Force. And I remember he called or his assistant called and said, no, I'm sorry. It's not gonna work out. You know, when you get back here, he's Got you. Don't, don't catch the red eye. The entire Reds baseball team and a bunch of Heidi Fleisis girls are at the house. So it's probably best you don't come by tonight. And I'm on the set waiting for my shot, my last shot to end so that I can fly back and be with him. I was knitting him a blanket, doing the whole thing. It was his 27th birthday. I had 27 gifts, one for each year. And. And he was out being Charlie.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, to be fair to Charlie, like, you know when guys do that. Like, well, if I ever became rich and famous, here's what I. He's a huge baseball fan.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And he loves poontang.

[Giovanni]

Yes. He's a fan of both.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, I'm going to fill my house with whores and Red Sox.

[Giovanni]

Professional baseball players.

[Adam Carolla]

Reds. Cincinnati Reds. Like, well, yeah. I mean, it's sort of like the movie Big. Like, you know, what would you do if you gave a nine year old a million dollars? Like, all right, I'm gonna buy a pizza covered with jelly beans and eat it every night. Like that seemed like how he lived.

[Ginger Lynn]

And you know what? I think he still lives that way. He lived that way then. But there's a big difference when you're 26, 27 than when you're 40 something. You know, there's a time where you might want to make a few different decisions.

[Adam Carolla]

Just go to infield from the Reds team and then like nine whores.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Chris Sabo comes over and Barry Larkin. But after that you gotta kind of, you know, cut the list.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta get Johnny Bench in there like for an old time vibe. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

The Big Red Machine era.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Davey Lopes.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't believe he was gonna have you fake your death though.

[Ginger Lynn]

And I can't believe these people off his back.

[Allison Rosen]

That is crazy.

[Ginger Lynn]

So. But, and to answer your question, Jenny, I think you took me seriously. Abso fuckin lutely, really. But then it was just too much and I had to walk away.

[Adam Carolla]

When someone gets really pissed off when you suggest faking the death is the answer. I said fake. I said fake. Sweetie, where the fuck are you going? I said fake. I didn't say death death. I said fake death. What the.

[Allison Rosen]

We're just gonna convince the people that love you that you're dead all know you're alive.

[Ginger Lynn]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Just gonna charter a half day boat and we're going out fishing. And then you're not gonna come back. And then when you do come back, you'll Be speaking a different language, and.

[Allison Rosen]

We'Re gonna make you look like someone else. And by the way, I've been researching different faces.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's some people I find attractive.

[Adam Carolla]

Some of my favorite Heidi girls. Now, you must know, you must have met a few of those Heidi girls.

[Ginger Lynn]

I did. I met quite a few of them. And they.

[Adam Carolla]

They.

[Ginger Lynn]

They were nice. They were nice girls. They were. I didn't have any problems with any of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you. Did any of them turn out to be something or you run into them, you know, Turn on Channel 5 News and see one of them doing the weather?

[Ginger Lynn]

The only one that I've ever seen out in public, and it wasn't really in public was Heidi Fy. And Charlie and I were dating, and I got myself into some trouble, and I was on probation, and I did a little jail, a little prison time, and I was still. I had three years left of probation. Well, I was doing very well, and I flew to Cannes for the film festival. Charlie was there. We ran into each other, and the news cameras kind of caught us while we were there. So when I got back, I did. I went directly to jail. And after I got out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, because you violated your probation.

[Ginger Lynn]

I violated my probation, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you're gonna violate the probation, let's say the Cannes Film Festival.

[Ginger Lynn]

Cannes Film Festival. Well, yeah, I kind of flew from there off to Austria, and I wasn't supposed to do that. And I was with a lot of, you know, high profile people, so I was pretty stupid at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you have. Have you had a lot of, you know, Sultan of Brunei type guys? Go $500,000 for one.

[Ginger Lynn]

Not one.

[Adam Carolla]

Really.

[Ginger Lynn]

Not one damn sultan. You know what? It's because I don't look like a porn star. I don't have that. That panther type sexuality that.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't mean sitting next to you on the subway. I mean looking at a movie and going, get me?

[Ginger Lynn]

No, never. And I just. I don't think I attract those kind of guys. I don't look like I do what I do. And I'm too. Even though I'm doing really wild, nasty things. When I used to make films, I always looked like the girl next door. And I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the point.

[Ginger Lynn]

But I didn't have any of them. Maybe I was just. I thought. I think it's because I was too nice and they wanted the more porny looking porn girls. You know, there's.

[Adam Carolla]

So you did hear those kind of stories.

[Ginger Lynn]

Oh, yes, yes. There was a party we had one night at The. The Century Plaza Hotel with Charlie and a bunch of his friends and a bunch of my friends, and there was one of the sultans right down the hall. We had all the girls come over and we were swapping parties. So I. I know that it. Yeah, but I. I wish we could.

[Adam Carolla]

Have slapped a cam on that guy back in the day, you know what I mean? That'd be a hell of a documentary.

[Giovanni]

If those cocks could talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Ginger Lynn]

I speak for some of them. I do my best.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of speaking, did you speak a foreign language or were you gonna have to learn one for this?

[Ginger Lynn]

I was going to have to learn one.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Ginger Lynn]

No, I don't speak any foreign language.

[Giovanni]

Not a well thought out plan.

[Ginger Lynn]

No. No. But you know What? I was 20 something and I. And I was.

[Adam Carolla]

Charlie was pretty high, to be fair to the plan.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah. At the. At the time, I was very, you know, starstruck and. And I was the girl that he was taking out in public and telling his parents. We, you know, I don't care what you think. I'm gonna be with this girl. You know, I was at Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter and all their family is very religious and they have a lot of, you know, functions and a lot of family things, and I was at all of them for years. I remember the first Christmas I went over, though, and I don't think that Charlie's mother really was taking me seriously at all. So everybody's got their gifts, and she comes out with a dress that was like, in her closet and goes and gives it to me and says, here, Merry Christmas. And it was one of those things. It was like something that she owned that she was giving me as a Christmas present.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like she didn't take the time to buy something or even write something.

[Ginger Lynn]

No, it was something out of her.

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't even a re. Gift.

[Ginger Lynn]

No, it wasn't even a regift. It was one of her dresses that she hadn't wore yet. It was like, still, you know, they had a little price tag on it.

[Adam Carolla]

And how was Emilio?

[Ginger Lynn]

Emilio was great. Emilio was. Was a sweetheart. Renee. His sister's a sweetheart. His other brothers, they're a good family. They're really nice people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everyone but Charlie seems pretty. Pretty sane. Yeah.

[Ginger Lynn]

Well, maybe he'll get back up again.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll be fine. I'm sure.

[Ginger Lynn]

I hope so.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. When's the last time you guys spoke?

[Ginger Lynn]

1995.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. So it's been.

[Ginger Lynn]

It's been a long time. It's been quite some time.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, National Academy of Sports Medicine. Smooth transition, Ace man. Yep. You want to get paid to do what you want to do for a living.

[Giovanni]

That's kind of like what ginger dads were talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Get paid to stay in shape, help others reach your goals. Fitness industry, it's booming. Huge demand for certified personal trainers. They guarantee you'll land a job within 60 days of certification or your money back. This is like I used to be a boxing coach and it was good. Keeps you in shape. You get paid to kind of work out, but you catch people when they're in a good mood and you get to work with people. It's not like being a dentist. Visit usatrainer.com today. Get started. I got a free 14 day sneak peek. It's fast, it's fun. It's an online program. It's 14 days free. That's right. You can try it out. 14 days free and you get that much closer to your dream, making great [e-mail] that's usatrainer.com all right. Well, who could have seen this coming? Allison Rosen, with Ginger Lynn in here and all the porn talk, I think we'll probably just skip past. Well, we'll use recycle some of it for tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Hey, Ginger Lynn.

[Allison Rosen]

That's totally okay. You were more fascinating.

[Adam Carolla]

I found it riveting. Blame it on Ginger. Monday through Friday, 4 to 6pm and skidrowstudio.com also available on itunes and Skid Row Studio. As I said, Twitter her blame it on Ginger. Alison Rosen, new best friend, our good friend David Wilde on the next episode every Monday through Thursday. Go to alisonrosen.com and iTunes and all that good stuff. We once again going to be in Vegas, Treasure island with Jo Koy up on stage doing our thing. So come out and see us on Friday night, Gilly's Saloon inside Treasure Island. That'll be Friday at 7. I'll be be signing some stuff and all that kind of good stuff. And then next Thursday, February 27, 9 o', clock, the outpost on CA. I will be there as well. Little Mangria event. So until next time, Adam Corolla for Ginger Lynn. Alan, Allison Rosen and Ball Brian saying Mahal.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Kriller Show 1262 with the great Ginger Lynn. She has a long history on air with Adam as well as with like Save Virgil, an animated short they did together. She came on Loveline, I think back in 2003, telling Adam about the plan that her and Charlie Sheen had for them to fake her death. And then have her get a bunch of plastic surgery to reintroduce her into Charlie's life as a girlfriend would be approved of by his mom and people in his family. Previous work in the adult industry. Just fascinating stuff. Coming up for our final clip today, we have adam Phillip Show 1286 with the great Greg Proops, Adam White, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

I should say that. Let's see. Good day, Allison Rose.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Corolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Add Corolla.

[Giovanni]

That's one of the more requested one from the past couple years on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

With the hashtag time travel. That was from high school. A couple chicks used to do that when I went by. I don't know why I found it profoundly flattering just that someone would burn 8 or 12 calories just thinking about something that had to do with my name. Good times.

[Giovanni]

And now you got songs written about you and this whole staff all the time. Not Allison, really, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I had Chris Max Pata come by this morning, and we went off to go see Dennis Prager and talk about this patent trolling business. He's doing a documentary, and I gotta tell you, he's doing what you should do if you want to do something, which is do it. And. And he does it in a way that's completely unintrusive.

[Giovanni]

Well, he's so small.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I mean, no, he rides in the trunk. When I say, you don't even know he's there. He's not. He's outside of the car.

[Giovanni]

He could be inside your pocket. He could be.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

He's living in your ponytail like a squirrel.

[Adam Carolla]

Could be in a squirrel. Could be a hummingbird feeder or. Yeah, in your bun. Up your bun. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

That's my fear.

[Adam Carolla]

Point is, he said to me, I would like to do this documentary on this whole patent troll thing. So may I shadow you when you do whatever it is you do? And I said, yeah. And then the deal is you arrive at my house and I'll give you an arrival time, and that's whenever. And just wait, because you don't have to hit the buzzer and have me come get you in my towel or anything. Just. Just be ready to roll when you see me come rolling down the driveway, jump in, and we'll go to wherever we have to go to. And wherever we go, just do it. And that's all he's done. He hasn't missed a day. He hasn't cost me five minutes. He hasn't cost me two minutes.

[Giovanni]

He must Be missing a ton of work.

[Adam Carolla]

I keep asking him what he does. I have asked him what he's supposed to be doing during this time period. He never clearly answered that question.

[Giovanni]

He says, looking good, boss.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I go, really? Thank you. Been working out. New hat. Yeah, it is a new hat, by the way. Actually, it's Nick Offerman's hat that I found beat up somewhere. And I did the sink rinse and then fluff and dry in the sun.

[Giovanni]

Was it thrown behind the fridge?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's. Yeah. Natalie. God knows. Oh, God, fucking chick is strong. Hits hard to the groin. Anyway, I'm talking about Mexico. Pattis still Max Pata hangs out. And then when I back out the driveway, he jumps in the car and then he listens to me complain however long it takes for us to get to wherever we're getting to. And then we get there and then he walks in and films everything and it's never anything. But the point is this. No hassles, no problems, no phone calls, no emails that night saying, I'm on the way to Prager. Do you think you could swing by and pitch? I don't know why or how, but a lot of shit quickly devolves into it's. You know, you can say no if you want, but I'm right by Prager. Do you think my roommate's blocking my car in the driveway, do you think? No, it's just waiting. Never, never looking for the guy. Never looking around and going, where is he? Always chatting up some chick in the hallway. I gotta go get him or something. Just there back and I don't know, we must have half a documentary by now. Yeah, a lot of it's you complaining, but I don't know, I feel that the podcast is a good vessel for that.

[Giovanni]

That's good advice, though, for anyone who wants a favor or something or needs something from a boss or someone who you don't know that well or whatever. Make it as easy as possible on them. If you can do 90% of the work and have things set up when they get there, whatever it is, that's just good life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Just make it a very low impact thing because.

[Giovanni]

Or just someone you don't know. Like make things easier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The truth is, I don't care about any of this stuff if in I'm doing it anyway, you're more than free to just jump in the car and ride along with me if you're doing. If it starts turning into a chain of emails, then it becomes a hassle, then I don't Want to do it anymore? Chris has done a great job of just doing this, just following me around and how do you make a documentary? You make a documentary. What have you learned, Chris Maxpata? I can't get fired. No. I don't know. I'm just following you around. I've actually learned a lot about your life and how busy you are. All right.

[Giovanni]

It's exhausting.

[Adam Carolla]

And the thing that was funny is I was talking to Prager today, who's nicest gentleman in the world. One of the deeper thinkers of my time. I really do have the utmost respect for the guy. He's a profound guy. He's a real sort of gentle giant kind of guy, but he knows nothing about anything pop culture. And I was explaining on a show that we're doing this show at the Rodino Performing Arts center and Andy Summers is going to be there from. And he did the huh. And then I said, the band, the Police. And he said, huh? And then I said, the performer, Sting. And he said, is Sting and the Police the same person or.

[Giovanni]

He was aware of Sting, though, right? That's sort of a bigger cultural.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris, back me up. I thought he was being sarcastic. Oh, no, that's insane. He does not know who Sting is. Then we played him a song and he was able to. He was able to pick out what key it was in. Said it was a flat because he does some conducting. And he literally. He'd not heard of the Police or Sting.

[Giovanni]

I'll bet they're pretty broken up about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure they'll be devastated when I have to explain to him.

[Allison Rosen]

I wouldn't have heard of either, though.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my Zima argument. I dated a chick once. It must have been 1989. And I said something like, zima. And she was like, huh? And I was like, zima. And she was like, I don't know what that is. I was like, it's on every billboard. There's that little guy with the commercials and the hat, and it's just everywhere.

[Allison Rosen]

And she's like, it's more than a delicious beverage. It's a cultural touchstone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Many words Z's were put in front of them just to illustrate.

[Adam Carolla]

I've had this conversation with my wife and some of her friends about the world's most interesting man, where they do the I don't drink Mexican amber beer. And it's like, yeah, you have eyeballs, right?

[Allison Rosen]

And ear holes.

[Adam Carolla]

I would think, yes. I don't. This is. It's like me going, I need roller skates to keep up with you. And not knowing that's a joke about douche or tampons or whatever the fuck it was. Iconic commercial. I know all the tampon and douche commercials. I know the names of the chicks that are in the Real Housewives shows. I know who Honey Boo Boo is. I don't watch the show. Like, there's that kind of eyes open. It's in the ether. But I don't know how you escape that. I don't know if those people are lucky or not. I think they're always happier. Think about it. I mean, they understand what's going on in Darfur. Like, Dennis Prager knows all about how many people Stalin has killed.

[Allison Rosen]

How can that make you happier?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I think it means that there's simply more focused on what they're interested in.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. I think they're making deliberate life choices to put blinders on in certain areas and to seek out information in other areas, and maybe that leads to more happiness because you're controlling your.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You're very focused on Mozart or Bruce Springsteen or your kids or Judaism or whatever it is. And this stuff is extraneous. And by the way, why does he need to know who Sting is? It's not gonna help him.

[Giovanni]

He's more evolved than us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, he's certainly more focused.

[Allison Rosen]

Never looked into tantric sex, clearly.

[Giovanni]

Poor Mrs. Prager.

[Adam Carolla]

So, anyway, yeah, Chris probably thought he was kidding, but I totally thought he was kidding. I thought he was being sarcastic, but, yeah, I guess not. No. Then later on, when I brought up. Well, it was funny because he said. He said, well, I'll shoot you a text and we'll go out to dinner, you know, sometime soon with the wives. And then he said, you're not so good at answering those texts, are you? And then I explained the story where Dickie from the Bostones. And I knew that was a far stretch. Boss Tones. Dickey. No. Yeah. I said, if the bar is above.

[Giovanni]

Sting, there's going to be a lot of references.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty much just Frank Sinatra and Al Jolson. Al. Frank Jolson. So I said, and it's a true story. I haven't told it in a while, but a few years ago, when I was much worse at the texting, I looked at my phone one day and it was Dickie of the Boss Tones. And it said, hey, pal, recording my new album. Want to get hold of John Popper from Blues Traveler? I hope you're sitting down. Dennis Prager did not know who John Popper, Blues Traveler was. Said trying to get hold of John Popper, wanted to play a little solo on my new album and if you could put me in touch with him, I'd be much appreciated. And I texted back to him, I got John's number. Just hit me and I'll put you two guys together. He texted back, I sent you that text three years ago. The ELM has been. Engine was engineered, was completed two and a half years ago. I went gold.

[Giovanni]

A year ago.

[Adam Carolla]

The text went out three years ago. I texted back just to answer the question. Went, John Popper or not, yes or no. It was all the side conversation. What's all the shame?

[Allison Rosen]

Find the text. Are you just like, it's time to look at my text?

[Adam Carolla]

I have no idea. That's the beauty of me and technology. I have no fucking idea how anything works. Shit just pops up. I don't know what happened. There it was.

[Giovanni]

I'm excited for this bitcoin conversation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, his voicemail is Gary saying, don't leave a message. Oh, it's Jay. Oh, they still have that one. Okay. All right. Saves time, saves heartache. Now, Gary, you. Let's see, we have. Yeah, we're gonna have a bitcoin conversation in one second, which I still can't fully wrap my mind around.

[Giovanni]

It's a virtual currency that. He'll explain it better than I can, but it's a virtual currency. Every single bitcoin has an individual number, code and everything. And there's no bank, there's no central anything. It's peer to peer. Alison and I pay each other for whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it going to replace all the different brands of currency that we have in 50 years? In 50 years, will we have something instead of, we gotta have something other than euros and yen and everything else?

[Giovanni]

The guy who's on the phone, I mean, who's calling in, will probably have an answer to that. He'd probably hope so.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam White.

[Allison Rosen]

Completely untraceable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

You can do nefarious things with it.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, like Die Hard. They're like bearer bonds. All the bad guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what you need now. 2014 stamps dot com. Oh, yeah, stamps dot com. You can buy and print. Well, it's almost like bitcoins. Buy and print official U.S. postage using your own computer. Use your own printer. Like 24, 7. No, 3010. Post office right at your desk. And you save 80% compared to postage meters. No trips to the post office. Plus you get discount. That's right, a special offer discount. Enter the promo code, Adam. No risk trial $110 bonus offer includes a digital scale. 55 bucks, free postage. There's no reason to go to the post office anymore. Just do it this way. This is what we use. Much easier. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click the microphone, top of the homepage. Type in Adam. That's stamps.com promo code. Adam. All right, Gary, you had somebody tweet me or you? Uh. Oh, I think Adam's on. Bitcoin's online too. So let me talk to him for a second and then we'll get to what we're going to get to. Adam White.

[Caller]

Yes sir.

[Adam Carolla]

How are you? Good. Let me heat you up just a little. You have an MBA from Harvard Business School?

[Caller]

Yes, that's correct, I do.

[Adam Carolla]

And you have a BS in optical engineering from UC Davis.

[Caller]

I sure do.

[Adam Carolla]

Go Aggies.

[Caller]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What do you do with optical engineering?

[Caller]

Yeah, so I actually joined the Air Force and worked on the airborne laser, which was a big jet to shoot down missiles using a laser. So the application was relatively limited.

[Adam Carolla]

It would shoot down a jet or a missile or something like that with a laser?

[Caller]

Exactly. It'd shoot down like a Scud missile. It was designed to do. To do that job.

[Adam Carolla]

How would it do that?

[Caller]

So it was actually a big 747 gutted out with a chemical laser that filled up basically the entire aircraft. It would mix chemicals to create a high powered laser and with that energy try to shoot down missiles.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder what that cost us.

[Caller]

It was an expensive project, but it served the country well for research and development.

[Adam Carolla]

What is. And we'll get into Bitcoin in a second. But first, 25 minutes on this. Chemical lasers, how do those work?

[Caller]

Yeah, you're going to put me on the spot here. Instead of using a laser that's based with a solid state, basically uses electricity and runs through a material as a gain medium. You take two kind of caustic chemicals, two or three, mix them together and you get an output that generates directed energy. And through that you run it through a series of mirrors and lenses and focus it. And out of the nose of the aircraft comes basically a real high powered laser designed to shoot down missiles.

[Allison Rosen]

Look at that nerd. It's like real genius stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I love this shit. And at what range were you guys looking to accomplish this?

[Caller]

That's a good question, but that was classified. I think what they released was on the order of hundreds of kilometers.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. So like two miles?

[Caller]

It's a good guess.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Yeah. So hundreds of kilometers. So like 100 kilometers would be 62 miles, right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that correct? So hundreds would be over 100 miles away. Wow. It's kind of like how that Kennedy brother went. Were you, during World War II, had the airplane filled with explosives that was supposed to be remotely detonated, except for it was detonated while he was in it. I think that was John's older brother. But anyway, were you ever flying around in the airplane?

[Caller]

Yeah, I did. I did some flight tests on the airborne laser and did some work with NASA testing F16s as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, Jesus Christ. What'd you do with the F16?

[Caller]

We developed some software that would help prevent the plane from crashing. So when a pilot would pass out from pulling too many G forces or would lose situational awareness, the plane knew where it was in a three dimensional map of the world and would auto cue, basically automate an autopilot, pull up, and would prevent the plane from crashing.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Kennedys. Yeah, this could help. John. John meaning. Yeah, people thought he was flying the plane. It got dark, he couldn't fly on his instruments. The plane was doing something that he wasn't doing, wasn't aware of. This would have kind of prevented that, right, Adam?

[Caller]

It could have, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, Very interesting.

[Giovanni]

Thanks for nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

You killed two Kennedys. Now what? So this is some pretty lofty shit. And how do you get from there to doing coinbase.com?

[Caller]

Yeah, so I actually had a professor when I was at Harvard Business School that his parting words of advice were to really make a change in the world. Find an area where the rules break down, where they don't make sense, study the hell out of it, and then ultimately plant your stake in the ground. So for me, that spoke to Bitcoin, which is this digital currency and peer to peer payment system that I feel a lot of people don't understand. Even at the time I didn't. And I set myself to really understand it. And what I came away with is that I believe in it and I wanted to be a part of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I thought Bitcoin was a brand name, but it's a generic term.

[Caller]

Yeah. Be the equivalent of HTTP. So the protocol that helps run the.

[Giovanni]

Internet, Adam's right on top of this.

[Adam Carolla]

What network is that?

[Caller]

It's basically how your Internet works. Bitcoin is the equivalent of that. It's a common language, it's an open source protocol that everyone agrees to communicate by. And so it's not proprietary. Everyone shares it, everyone knows what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

And so give us an Example of how it would help and why we're fools for using the current system that we're using now.

[Caller]

Sure. Well, let me just qualify that loaded comment with I think there's always going to be a place for cash and credit cards, but I think Bitcoin solves a lot of problems that we see, especially with online payments. So with Bitcoin, first and foremost, it's a way to basically completely eliminate fraud and at the time being chargebacks. So when someone pays you in Bitcoin, that payment is immediate and it's irreversible, so you don't have to worry about your credit card information being stolen and having a fraudulent transaction then reversed. Bitcoin is equivalent of digital cash. Another great benefit of it is that that it eliminates the risk of identity theft. So when you send someone Bitcoin through the network, you're not attaching your name, your address and your payment information. You're truly carving out a small chunk of this value and sending it from one person to another.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, there must be some international appeal to it, right?

[Caller]

Absolutely. So if I want to send say $100 to someone in Vietnam, right. I'm going to get hit with international currency conversion fees and a lot of bank interchange fees. When you use Bitcoin, it's peer to peer, so there's no middleman in between and there's no fees associated with it. So it's great for remittances or transferring money abroad.

[Adam Carolla]

Now how does somebody like you then make a business out of this?

[Caller]

Yeah, so I work for a company called Coinbase and what we provide is basically an easy on ramp and off ramp to the Bitcoin world. So the same way when you send email, you're using smtp, which is the protocol for your email. You don't send directly from the protocol. You use Gmail or an Outlook, an email client. That makes it easy. That's what Coinbase is, or that easy to use interface.

[Adam Carolla]

And how many of these companies are out and about these days?

[Caller]

So every day more and more springing up, which is exciting for us, us to see, we're seeing this widespread adoption of Bitcoin, the technology. As far as I know, Coinbase is the largest here in the US if not the world, a comprehensive Bitcoin platform. So we enable users to buy and sell Bitcoin by linking their bank account. We also enable merchants like Overstock.com to receive Bitcoin and convert that into cash for price. They sell.

[Adam Carolla]

That chick's hot, man. Now, I heard that Bitcoin I don't know what you know about this, but, like, what percentage of transactions over the computer or Bitcoin in 2014 and where would you like them to be a decade from now? Sure.

[Caller]

So let me look at that from the merchant side. So a company like Overstock, a little less than 1% of their total sales volume on a daily basis is done in bitcoin. And that's still because it's new and it's evolving. I think three, five years from now, we'll see that number climb maybe up to 5, 8, even 10%.

[Adam Carolla]

And then 50 years from now when you're dead, but I'm still around, why do we all have to be dead? You know what I mean? You're still. Yeah, it's strong.

[Allison Rosen]

Makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm my fourth wife, still talking to the boy. My daughter, not so much. Yeah, what's that?

[Caller]

That's the million dollar question. Whether bitcoin still rules the roost or whether it's a new digital currency remains to be seen. But I do think there's a need and a space for cryptocurrency to continue to evolve and, and be used in both commerce and individual transactions.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that name. Cryptocurrency.

[Giovanni]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a hot bond chick. Hot bond scientist. Cryptocurrency. Goodness, she's got the glasses. Yes.

[Giovanni]

She's a geophysicist, but she's got the glasses off.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Working on a liquid laser.

[Allison Rosen]

Are there risks with bitcoin since it's peer to peer? I mean, can someone say that they got a payment from you that you didn't really send? Or can things go wrong with using Bitcoin?

[Caller]

Well, anything can go wrong in the sense that if you didn't create a good password, for example, someone could hack into your Coinbase account if you used your street address or what have you, and be able to transfer those bitcoins off site. And because bitcoin's irreversible, they're gone. So it's a lot like holding cash in the Internet. Once it's gone, it's gone. But there's really no risk associated with someone spoofing your identity or intercepting a bitcoin transaction. The biggest risk most consumers and merchants face is just the volatility. The price of a Bitcoin can vary as much as 20, 30% on a bad day, so to speak. So today one Bitcoin is worth roughly US$600. Tomorrow it could be $650, or it could be $550.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, we're accepting bitcoins for donations on the fund. Anything. Patent roll fight, by the way.

[Giovanni]

By the way, I donated a bitcoin to the patent roll fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thank you very much.

[Giovanni]

I had a collection of bitcoin given to me as a gift and I was like, you know what? This is going to the patent troll fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, thank you.

[Giovanni]

So I gave it to my Gaultier and he's putting it in the coffer.

[Allison Rosen]

Who gave that to you as a gift?

[Giovanni]

A guy who does something similar to Adam White. He has a company that does this very thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I hate to say this, but I walked down from the other shop over here yesterday and I passed an alley and he was pitching bitcoins with some other hoodlums o the alley. So I'm not sure if that money made it to the right place or.

[Giovanni]

Not to look into that. Yeah, too bad it's not traceable. So, Adam White, the big problem or a recent problem with bitcoins is the big collapse of that international. Wasn't it a Russian company or like basically a version of your company, but in Russia. And that kind of a fact that really affected the bitcoin price. How do you, how do you work with people's confidence about that?

[Caller]

Sure. So it was a, it was a bitcoin exchange in Japan.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it was Japan too. Good.

[Caller]

How I look at that is in the early days of the Internet, if you had an Internet service provider in your area that went bankrupt, would people say, hey, the Internet is faulty, it's bad, it's unsafe to use? No, not necessarily because it's localized to that company. It's that organization that's providing that service. Unfortunately, there are both well managed and professionally run companies that focus on bitcoin and ones that are not so much. But as the economy and the ecosystem continues to grow around bitcoin, I think we're going to see those less than well managed companies slowly work their way out and more high level companies become introduced.

[Adam Carolla]

So Adam, my final question comment is this, but you tell me when I'm wrong or if I'm wrong. The Internet came about and then we started doing all this commerce over the Internet and all we had was our credit cards from 40 years ago to apply to this new way of doing business. But this is a currency. I mean, it started off with, you know, pieces of eight and then we got to paper bills and then we got to plastic. But now we're using this sort of 1960s technology and it's 2014. And we need an upgrade in our currency technology to keep up with the upgrades in technology and all the business that's taking place over the Internet. Is that fair, Adam?

[Caller]

That is dead on. I couldn't have said it better myself. We cannot judge, but issues with credit cards. Exactly. They were designed 50 years ago for card present payments. And with the invention of the Internet, we had a bunch more card not present payments. And that's become an issue with fraud and fees and all the associated issues. Bitcoin is a way, a potential way to solve many of those issues.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, go to coinbase.com and you can Twitter them at Coinbase as well. Adam, thank you very much. It's been informative.

[Caller]

Thank you very much, Adam. Appreciate it.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate you, my friend. All right. Yep. Yeah, we're accepting that we're fighting the trolls. I think we're up to about 170 grand or so, which is nice. Unfortunately, we need like a million dollars, so we'll keep you posted on all that. Let's see. Greg Proops is coming in here soon. Not just yet, but he's coming. Always like him. Got phone calls as well. Hey, Nick. Hey, Adam.

[Caller]

What's up?

[Adam Carolla]

Good. 34, San Mateo. Yep. What's happening? Not much.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah? Well, Brian, you're from around here, right?

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

You've seen the statue, right?

[Giovanni]

It's very smooth on top.

[Adam Carolla]

Fat kid beating off with the thinning hair.

[Giovanni]

There's tears, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there's tears, yeah. But it's hard to tell. The bronze. Anyway. Go ahead. Yeah. Anyways, I know how, you know, you.

[Caller]

Talked about growing up playing sports and how that really shaped you and helped you in a positive way. And I'm just curious, like, since your parents were kind of not there, like, who initially got you into Little League and pop off?

[Adam Carolla]

Warner. I remember I was the world's greatest athlete when I was, you know, from five to maybe 15. And then I just fell off. I was no good after that. But, I mean, I was good enough to overcompensate through eating a dozen eggs a day and living in the weight room, but I was not genetically inclined to get to the next level. But when I was nine, I was a fucking animal. And it's weird because I was wrestling with my daughter yesterday and I can feel that in her. It's a weird thing, but. But you get it. When you sort of wrestle with people, it's not about how big they are or how much they weigh. It's a certain kind of a core strength. And she Has a crazy core strength. You know, I hang her upside down with her knees going over my shoulders. She lays out flat and does. Lifts herself right up. Does a crunch, you know, inverted crunch, like, no problemo. Whereas my son is struggling to get his fat head off my knees. But. But it's kind of a weird. Just a core thing. And I had that core thing, and it's a balance thing. And I loved sports and I was crazy for it, and I wanted contact. When I was a kid, it was all about wrestling. And I, in front of my mom's house, stapled to the post. And this is a bygone era, but, you know, if you had a band or you had something going, something happening in town or something, you want to let people know, you get that weird kind of cardboard thing. It was poster board. It was poster board. It was usually about 18 inches high and about 12 inches wide. And you do the half turn and staple it up to the. To the. To the post, to the. To the mailbox. No, the wire. Like where they, you know, running the phone wires. Telephone pole, yeah. And you just see what. You see it all. And out in front of my house, there was one East Valley Trojans, you know, hey, sign ups coming up, whatever. And I knew a guy friend of mine, his dad was one of the coaches for the East Valley Trojans. Not for my league, but for an older league or whatever it was. Junior made this. I started off in TRO Babes. We're called Farm. Seven years old. But he knew about it and he kind of helped me out. And as far as whatever it cost back then, there was a couple things. Whatever the cost was, it was really nominal shit. I mean, it could have been 12 or $14. But also the most humiliating thing I always remember is they would ask me to ask for the scholarship, quote, unquote, scholarship, which was, you know, 26 bucks is a little rich for our blood. Could you make it 12 bucks or whatever it was now in terms of bang for your buck, this was keeping your kid busy two, three days a week at practice and then every Saturday at the game and somebody else picking him up and dropping him off. I mean, there was no better money could be thrown a direction and, you know, be Duke Gallagher and the Country Squire taking us all out to McDonald's after the game. So again, and they weren't stupid, they realized, you know, 12 bucks and not seeing your kid for six months, that's a pretty good. That's a pretty sweet deal. Pretty sweet deal right there. So that's kind of how they did it. But we did have the. They did ask for the sort of hard luck discount. And then also it was during an era where you didn't buy any of your own shit. They just had the same helmets and the same shoulder pads and the same jerseys. And it's not like you had your name on the back of the jersey. You just get a new jersey. You try to get a decent helmet. They'd literally, like in Rudy, spray paint them and put the sticker on every year.

[Giovanni]

Was he in my. When I played Little League, it was the same way. But if you had a cool coach, he would, like, bring a couple extra bats. He'd go to Big 5 and get a couple extra bats or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Very few people had their own bats, at least in Little League.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And if he was a super cool coach, he'd get a bunch of T shirts and put everyone's different names, first name, like, on the breast thing that would be like Dodger Blue or something, and hand them out to the. Just kind of depending how cool the guy was. But for us, it was pretty much like hook up with so and so. They pick you up, they drop you off. And, you know, that's. Like I said. I think we were talking. I know we had Eric Kramer, the NFL quarterback, on Dr. Drew and my show, talking about this and talking about his dad, talking about his dad being a coach and all that kind of stuff. And that's just how it worked for me. All right, let's see. How did we meet? Alison and I, I believe we were auditioning News Girls, and Alison was by far the best.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you very much.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that how you remember it?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yes, I do remember being the best. No, but I remember telling you that actually we had met many years before because I was a stringer for Random Notes for Rolling Stone magazine, and I was covering the Video Music Awards In, I think, 1998, and I interviewed you and Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

But you didn't remember, and I did not expect you to remember, But I remember that I had my tape recorder out and I was talking to Drew, and then you saw it and you came over.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I wonder where I was.

[Allison Rosen]

It was that party that. It was at the Universal Amphitheater, and it was that party that they had after the Video Music Awards.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And I think maybe the Boss Tones were playing. Actually, it sounds about.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds about right.

[Giovanni]

You may have been returning a text.

[Allison Rosen]

At the time, but you guys were both really nice, and I thought that was very nice of you to.

[Giovanni]

Was it Adam and Drew.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I'm sure it was. Yeah. I remember talking to you guys and feeling like I was listening to Loveline.

[Adam Carolla]

Drew. Drew's always very nice and why not be nice when you. Here's the whole thing. Being mean. Being mean to the person you're interviewing is like being mean to your waitress. You're liable to get a booger in your omelet. You know, that person is then gonna go home, think about you, and construct an article that has you in it. How big a dick do you want to be to that person that's gonna go, then make that omelet and bring it back to your table?

[Allison Rosen]

Don't be a dick.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't get that. I get the strategy. If somebody cuts you off and you go, fuck you, and they go, fuck you, and you turn right and they turn left, that person doesn't go home and write an article about you.

[Caller]

You.

[Giovanni]

And if they do, good for them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

But if at that point you were exasperated at all with doing interviews, that certainly didn't come through. The thing that came through for me was you saw that an interview was happening and you came over and wanted to be part of it.

[Adam Carolla]

I've always. First off is big a hassle, as sometimes life can be. I've never looked at somebody wanting to talk to you about your shit as anything other than flattering. No matter how busy you may be, no matter how early you got up to do it or whatever it was, you should never get to that point where somebody goes, I want to talk to you about your book or your podcast or your whatever. And you're like, you can be tired. You can do the circuit where you do 25 in the morning, and somewhere around 18, you're feeling like, I've had about enough. But you should always be flattered that the person wanted to talk to you. That's the way I always felt, especially I came from a family where they didn't tell you to shut up or don't talk or we don't want to hear what you have to say. They're just sort of unresponsive.

[Giovanni]

It was frowned upon talking.

[Adam Carolla]

We would have had a discussion about not having discussions, but that would have been a discussion. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Better to be left unsaid.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So there was a lot of unwritten rule, a lot of non talking, gentleman's.

[Giovanni]

Agreement not to talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And nobody said, oh, that's a good one, or you should write that down, or that's clever, or did you make that up yourself? We never had any discussions about Anything. So the idea that someone would want to go, please give us your wisdom or insights or opinions on whatever it is, is always first a little confusing and then profoundly flattering.

[Allison Rosen]

And I remember what it was that I wanted your take on. It was Madonna's sudden British accent, because that was around the time it was coming out. Marilyn Manson's whole whatever was going on with him. And then Rose McGowan, I don't know if you remember the dress she wore that year. Yes, it was like just. It was like a beat. A few bits of a beaded curtain hung on her butt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, we'll find a picture. Yeah, we were sort of. I remember a couple little bits and pieces from that. That was at the Universal Amphitheater. It was out here. It wasn't in New York. Usually they're in New York and Rose McGowan was wearing next to nothing. Rose McGowan, wildly underrated in the just plain hand dealt from God kind of genetic department, in just the good looks department.

[Giovanni]

I mean, when she was on top, she was it. She was good.

[Adam Carolla]

There wasn't much you could find wrong with her physically, just in terms of. There's people that are doing a lot with what they got. That's a little more of a Madonna kind of thing. But Rose McGowan just, pow. Didn't need to wear much down the carpet. I remember, I think I was behind her going like, I'm literally getting tumescent. Like, this is awesome. And then also I remember somebody came up to me and it was somebody. Oh, wasn't Penelope Cruz. It's the other actress.

[Giovanni]

Who's Salma Hayek?

[Adam Carolla]

The same as her. I think it was Salma Hayek. I think Salma Hayek came up to me and was telling me that her brother was a huge fan of mine or something, which she wasn't, but her brother was.

[Giovanni]

That's close enough.

[Adam Carolla]

That was close enough. That's sort of what I remember from that. And also I did call Rose McGowan nuts at some point. And there were probably three or four times on Loveline when I called somebody nuts. And they would call in and go, why you fucking call me nuts? And I think Rose McGowan was one of those people, but I think history has been kind to me calling her nuts. Right. I mean, she is.

[Giovanni]

She's eccentric.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, nutty. In a world where people are called everything nuts is almost quaint these days, isn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

It really is.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's a lot of people that are nuts that I don't Think are bad people certainly look good wearing nothing but a fisherman's net. And Rose McGowan, I think. And I don't know what she's up to. I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

I think she's had some plastic surgery.

[Giovanni]

No, for sure. She was in the Robert Rodriguez movie.

[Allison Rosen]

A couple years ago, looking different.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is she. Is she nuts, though?

[Giovanni]

Michael Bean in that? I think he was.

[Adam Carolla]

What am I. Why am I making this up?

[Giovanni]

She's.

[Adam Carolla]

She's Planet Terror. Yeah, yeah, He.

[Caller]

That's when Robert also left his wife for her.

[Giovanni]

There's a pretty big affair happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Giovanni]

Oh, that's confirmed.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you know? All right, your dad's Michael. All right.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Robert Rodriguez and her kind of. That was a very unconfirmed, confirmed rumor at the time, and I guess it's public knowledge now. Pretty much left his wife for.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. All right, so now. All right. But anyway, I miss her.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, maybe she'll call in.

[Adam Carolla]

I miss her dearly. Yeah. All right, what else we got here? So he wants some tips on his nasally drone. Convince his wife. Shaver bush. Let's see. All right, let's go. Let's talk about bush here. Hey, Mike. 26. What's up, man? What's going on, man? Minneapolis, what's happening?

[Caller]

Not much, man. Just taking a walk right now, waiting to get on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Great. What's your question?

[Caller]

All right, so.

[Adam Carolla]

And of course, you know, you're married.

[Caller]

You know how the issues are, talking to the wife about things like this. He's convinced the wife to kind of tone it down a little bit in the bush department.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's she at? One to ten in the bush department.

[Caller]

Okay. If one is, you know, pre pubescent.

[Adam Carolla]

And ten is Andy Rooney's eyebrows. Huh?

[Caller]

Say it again.

[Adam Carolla]

Andy Rooney's eyebrows. Yeah, yeah. Slash.

[Caller]

Alison Rosen, about 20 or so.

[Allison Rosen]

Full bush until I was about 23.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Brian. Yeah.

[Caller]

Season number seven, a seven and a half, I'd say.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, what color hair does she have on her head just so we can get a full picture?

[Adam Carolla]

What would you like to get her down to?

[Caller]

I'd say about a 4, 3. I mean, I don't want a fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

14 year old, you know, but at.

[Caller]

Least I want to be able to see the topography, you know, so about a three or four.

[Adam Carolla]

And what does she say if you broach the subject with her?

[Caller]

Well, yeah, I get this story about some horrible shaving attempt where, you know, a lot of breakouts and ingrown hairs.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's a Little freaked out about.

[Caller]

It, but I mean, I have clippers, you know, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, because I bet you got one of those beards that's really nicely shaped. Yeah.

[Caller]

Black eye.

[Adam Carolla]

So. Yeah.

[Caller]

You know, there's no razors in my house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. So why don't. You know, there is an issue with the ingrown hairs and the lasering and all that kind of stuff that, you know, I can dig, but I think the clippers might be. It's pretty tender down there. I don't know. What do you use? You use a clipper, Use a razor? What do we use down there?

[Allison Rosen]

A lot of people wax.

[Adam Carolla]

Wax.

[Allison Rosen]

I use a razor.

[Adam Carolla]

What about waxing? What do you think about waxing?

[Caller]

I don't know if she'd be down for that. Just for the pain portion, but I mean, you know, like especially beardy. We know we have the same texture as far as beards, you know, just put a guard on there, you won't even feel it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know.

[Allison Rosen]

Like grooming a dog.

[Adam Carolla]

How is she exactly like grooming a dog?

[Giovanni]

Romantic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Does she. Does she have friends? Do they engage in this like at a party? I wish they would.

[Caller]

I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. What does she do for work?

[Caller]

She's a preschool teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

Well then she needs a nicely shorn bush. Gonna fuck those kids up. Yeah.

[Ginger Lynn]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What happens when she puts on a bathing suit? Like, is it trimmed so that she does that? Nothing shows when she wears a bathing suit.

[Caller]

Brian, can you play the driver? Alison Gwyneth hair forehead gets cold in the fucking bedroom.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that's how I feel. That's Lynette saying her forehead is cold in the. In the bedroom. That's how you feel?

[Caller]

That's me. That's me. Every day.

[Adam Carolla]

Every day. Wow. Every day. All right, Mike, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to have you guys meet somewhere between the labia majora and the minority. If in fact there is a minor. I know there's a mature.

[Allison Rosen]

I think there is.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, makes sense. With stand to reason, I'm gonna need you to back off your intensity and slash obsession with her pubic hair. And then I'm gonna need her to meet you in the middle. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, for sure. I don't think this thing is gonna work out if you become obsessed with her pubic hair and then she ends up fighting. And let me explain something. Women are wired. I think more like children. And I know that sounds bad, but don't worry, it's gonna get worse. Now, guys, you can kind of yell at and go, here's what I want.

[Allison Rosen]

I want to grow out my pubic hair listening to this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

And it might work. Women, once you start pushing, they start going another direction. Then they become gay. Gay. And no. But they become resentful that you're manipulating them, and then you're battling over something. You don't even know what you're battling over. All you know. And all they know is they're doing the opposite of what you want because you want it because of the way you're presenting it.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys are a little more, you know, if you said to a guy, listen, we're going out to eat, and guess who doesn't get a vote? You. I'm gonna decide what we're gonna eat, and we're gonna go out, and we're gonna go eat pizza with meatballs on it. If the guy really liked pizza with meatballs on, he'd go, oh, good news, sounds great. And he'd just go. Whereas a woman would go, wait a minute. Why do you get to.

[Giovanni]

If you were like, guess what we're reading tonight? Your favorite thing, and you can't complain about it, like, nope, not in.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

It's your favorite thing. Don't say a word. But it's your favorite. Nope, can't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you cannot deal with women like you deal with men, because it's not going to be effective. You have to have things become their idea, and you have to have them share in it. And they can't feel like they're being told or preached to or manipulated or what have you. It just does not work. There's just a lot more, I think psychology with women, where with men. Although I do know plenty of dudes that are wired like chicks, which is a newer, scarier phenomenon. Mostly guys are like, if they want the pizza with the meatballs, they'll have the pizza with the meatballs. It doesn't much matter if you told them. They had no other choice other than that. All right, let's see one more. Somebody wants to know about my nasally drone. Donnie, 28, Long beach yellow. Oh, I think I hit the wrong one. Wait a second. Donnie, Long Beach, 28. What's up, guys? What's going on, man? Congratulations, Wedding Adam, by the way. I mean, Allison, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. So, Adam, I'm thinking about launching a.

[Caller]

Podcast in mid April, maybe May.

[Adam Carolla]

But my voice is kind of nasally, and I cannot get a good tone. And you're kind of the master of the Naysa.

[Caller]

I want to know if you did.

[Adam Carolla]

Any, like, techniques to make your voice.

[Caller]

Clearer or anything like that.

[Adam Carolla]

What? No. What kind of podcast do you want to launch? It's going to be a music podcast focusing on unsigned artists and music industry news, things like that. Mm. And are you're gonna do a lot of talking?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it's gonna be me and a couple contacts I made in the industry.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming on, so the host is gonna be me. And you take these bands and you set them up and they do like sets. And where are you going to do this? Where are you going to record it? It's probably going to be mobile because I know a lot of executives and things like that, so I may have.

[Giovanni]

To go to their offices. But, you know, record label offices are.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually pretty soundproof because, you know, they.

[Caller]

Have to listen to music. So in terms of acoustic, that shouldn't be a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

It's mostly my own voice. I feel like, you know, your voice is fine and we're not. We were living in a time where you had to have a certain kind of voice to do television, radio. Now it's more just about establishing your voice. And you're probably better off having a unique voice than having the kind of. I don't know, in a weird way, it's sort of like modeling. You know, when you see half the people that are being used as models these days, they look very untraditional. They're just different looking. Kind of stuff that wouldn't have worked in years past is now working. And I bet you if you're a tall, skinny blond, you could still pick up some work. But that's not the kind of diversity that we're looking for now. So I believe we're living in a time where everyone is looking for something unique and different and interesting. So your voice should be more about the what comes out of your brain rather than what comes out of your mouth. There's my deviated septum. You made me feel a lot better, man. Yeah, well, look, it's never gonna work. Don't get me wrong. Come on. Fucking 500,000 podcasts out there. But it's not gonna not work because of the tone of your voice. It's gonna. Because you can't. Because that'll be a factor. Yeah. But you not being able to string together cohesive thought, that's gonna be the reason. No, it will not be made or broken by the tone of your voice.

[Caller]

All right, I got you.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I shout out my Instagram or my Twitter? Yeah, go ahead. I just put him on a hole. No. Well, that's not saying no.

[Allison Rosen]

Next caller.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't physically stop him from doing it. I'm trying to think, like, who didn't make it or did make it because of what they sound like as a comedian or as a MC or as a radio show or television personality. I mean, there's your Ryan Seacrest, who just do a very good job of, you know, being the master of ceremonies and that kind of stuff.

[Giovanni]

Well, that's certainly a bygone era. I mean, the Casey Kasem of the world and the Dick Clarks and all that. But I wonder if Howard Stern was the first guy to really. Because he doesn't have a traditional great radio voice. It's iconic now, but I wonder if he was one of the first guys to be sort of just his voice.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I would definitely say that. And then probably guys like Letterman helped a lot in the sort of unconventional.

[Giovanni]

Well, Leno, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Leno.

[Giovanni]

Was he a very untraditional voice?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's true. It is definitely. The tone of the voice is untraditional. Gotomeeting, baby, you want to build a strong relationship. Speaking of the voice, what just happened? Tongue got caught. Gotomeeting.com with he face is brought to you by Citrix. Simple, easy way to meet online. Go to meeting. Share the screen. You work on documents in real time. Turn your webcams and turn them on. Go face to face. Highlight the pages you're working on and all that kind of stuff. We use it here. You should use it there. Try it for free. That's right, 30 days free. Visit GoToMeeting.com today. Click on the try it free button. Use the promo code ADAM. Go to meeting.com promo code ADAMeeting is believing. All right, we're still waiting for Greg Proops to show up. We'll talk to him in a couple of few. Let's see. Mangria, now available in Container, Kentucky. For those of you who have been waiting, you can go to corolladrinks.com and check that out if you like. We'll take a quick break. Greg shows up. We'll talk to him. If not, we got this. Well, I complained about the freeway signs with the stupid fucking clicketer ticket that no one gives a shit about, and they changed it to, you know, if it steers, it clears. I've complained about the goal post and now we've raised the goalpost or we shall raise the goal post. Service animals. That's another thing that we're Gonna have to get into because it's taking over the fucking world. We have a video about a service owl. And we'll take a quick break. We'll get into that after this. Ah, one of my favorites. Greg Proops here in studio live at Musso and Frank. Available to download on GregProops.com podcast, also available on itunes. The Smartest man in the World and Greg Proops Film Club. Good to see you, Greg.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello, Adam. Hello, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Always glad to see you. We were just talking off the air about books and audiobooks and all that kind of stuff. Greg, you're. You got a book, you're writing a book book. You're working on a book.

[Brian Bishop]

I own a book. I've read a book and I'm planning on reading a book. No, I'm writing a book and I'm way behind on my deadline. And my editor called me yesterday and said, this one chapter you wrote, wow, that was a mess. And I think that's the kind of encouragement a writer needs. So I like to sit at home and agonize over it and just stare at the computer, even though it should be the easiest thing in the world. It's just me prattling.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I like about the. The deadlines and the books and all that as they go? Absolute drop dead date. Won't go to print if you give it to us after this January 3rd drop dead date. Now you smash cut to January 15th, and they're like, we really like it the next two weeks. And you're like, by the way, if somebody actually drop dead on the drop Dead date, this place would be littered with bodies. It looked like the outside of the World trade Center after 9, 11. Well, I'm sorry, that's what it would be. I got the drop dead date on my audiobook, which was a week ago, and then the new drop dead date is now on the 15th.

[Brian Bishop]

You're making me feel better, actually, because I already have. I'm already on one big extension here. And you know, now I'm like, and then yesterday, you know, I need everything in 10 days.

[Adam Carolla]

But believe, believe me, they weave it into the timeline like they do presenters at the BET Awards.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Snoop, we're gonna need you there around noon. Starts at 8:00pm oh, okay. Make it 12:30.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? I'll be there Tuesday, Thursday at the latest.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, who could be flakier than authors? Rapper? Sorry, no. The author is the white version of the Right. We are the flakiest in all the world.

[Giovanni]

MC ProOps.

[Adam Carolla]

MC ProOps. No, but seriously, like you want to get Snoop Dogg on stage at 8pm you tell me needs to be there by noon. And you want a. You want Artie Lang to turn in his book, you better tell fucking Artie Lang that the Drop Dead date is two months before the actual drop Dead date. Otherwise you're not gonna get it.

[Brian Bishop]

You are actually making me feel a lot better because I was thinking about. My God, Saturday and Sunday, I've just got to do nothing but write. Which, of course, you can't write, right? For eight hours straight. After three hours, your eyes go buggy. And then I have to go in the other room and lie down and cover myself in gelatin.

[Allison Rosen]

What's your book about?

[Brian Bishop]

About 75,000 words.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you for asking.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's supposed to be the smartest book in the world. It's like, you know, take off of the podcast, all the junk I talk about on the podcast. Negro League baseball and funk music and all the nonsense I like. Supposed to be hilariously, you know, capitulated in my book.

[Adam Carolla]

Blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Bishop]

And of course, it's stuff that I like, so why wouldn't I be able to write it?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, what if they did that ago? I wonder if they did that in Negro Leagues as well. It's a day game, but since 8pm Day game, everyone at a clubhouse by noon. Come on now, Satchel.

[Giovanni]

Rare early morning game.

[Adam Carolla]

So the book will be about the stuff you discuss. And now do you have Supposed to be funny somebody. Oh, will be. Do you have somebody capturing this stuff for you, or do you write it down sort of as you go?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I write it down myself. When I was having trouble getting it off the ground. They come in, they go, look, we have this guy, and what he does is he takes your material and he puts it in book form. And I'm like, so I would have to write the book anyway and then give it to this guy, and then somehow he's gonna make it a book. I'm like, I can do that. So that I thought was hilarious that there's a guy who comes in and fixes your book, but first you have to write the book.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's like, no, it would be easier if I told the guy the book. Like Babe Ruth or whatever, you know? You know how athletes write books?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Like Dennis Rodman wrote Bad As I Wanna Be or whatever. It had the giant type and the exclamation point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, David Wilde's in here every writing a book on some other, you know, industry insider. And it's him. He's doing the right.

[Brian Bishop]

My favorite story I ever heard was Willie Mays, who's my hero. And I would never denigrate him in any way, but he wrote a book in the 80s called say hey. And it was as told to somebody, somebody and another writer told me that Willie Mays was complaining because this guy's calling me all the time and asking me questions. He's like, but he's writing your biography. And he's like, yeah, but I already gone over all that stuff. But it's your book. And then of course, chapters are like, if you ever read Ken Seiko's books, they're fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa. No.

[Brian Bishop]

Juiced and more juice.

[Giovanni]

I have juiced. I've read it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's really good because he'll go, I think he. I've always had a thing for athletic blondes. And you're like, there's some insight. And then that season I hit 40 home runs. That's it. Not how I did it, not my game, not how I put it together.

[Adam Carolla]

I like doughy redhead, but that's me.

[Brian Bishop]

I like saddlebacks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Pear shaped is what I'm looking.

[Brian Bishop]

I like a brunette who can fall down and get right back up.

[Giovanni]

That's a sign that he wrote it too, that it's full.

[Brian Bishop]

He did write it.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, he wrote the book.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no. He wrote it. There's no mistaking his pros.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys. Quit arguing. Let's just agree to disagree. He wrote the book.

[Brian Bishop]

He did write it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what we're all saying.

[Brian Bishop]

Greg Proops as told to, you know, Jimmy Pardo or whatever. That would be hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

I found. And it is sort of metaphor for life, which is I'm just embarking on my audiobook. Brian is knee deep in his audiobook.

[Giovanni]

Tomorrow's the last day.

[Adam Carolla]

And just a little. Just words to live by. Little pearl of wisdom. When I did my first book, it was this book, the engineer book. The there's like a producer, an engineer and a sound studio and they booked three days and there were going to be like three, like eight hour days and it was exhausting. We were talking about these, you know, first world problems over here.

[Brian Bishop]

Almost like 12 Years a Slave. Yes, go on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. It was a little worse than that. Yeah, it's exhausting and you dread it and so on and so forth. The next book I did, and that book, my first audio book was, I don't know, it was six hours. The next book I did was. Was 30 seconds away from being eight hours. Thanks, Dawson. And we did it, but we did it here and we did it on my schedule and sort of on my terms. And I would run into the booth and knock out 45 minutes, which would translate into 15 minutes or 20 minutes of audiobook because I'm a shitty reader. And then I'd say, see you guys an hour before the show tomorrow night. Or we'll stay an hour after, or we'll come out on a Saturday and just do a couple hours and then we'll go home. Home. So much easier to spread it out into these little bite sized morsels and do it over the course of two weeks, but completely just on your own schedule. And then as you start to get to the three hour mark and the four hour mark, you can see the finish line very clearly. And you just start setting these things where you go, all right, let's get an hour or a half hour recorded just in this one session will walk away emotionally. Much more. Much easier to do.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the sitting down at the beginning of a day and knowing that for the next 7 million hours you're going to be hearing your own voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And then about five hours in your throat constricts. Even though all we do is talk for a living.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the reading that makes you. All of a sudden you're Angela. How come this is happening to me? I read a book and England called Humphrey the Hamster, which is, I guess, a beloved character in England. And I've had to do characters like there was a little girl and a little boy. You know, it's a kitty book. And by the third or fourth millionth page, I'd completely forgotten the voices I'd done. You know what I mean? And then you're like, oh, why did I bother doing a character early on? I should have just read everything in my voice. And you know, Keanu Reeve.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I am now the girl. I think now I am the boy. I am the hamster.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, like, I think you've arrived at my coat when I am an FBI agent. No. That's what you have to say as Keanu. I think you've arrived. When you write a book and somebody else does the voice on the audiobook where you just go, fuck it. I'm too busy. I'm not gonna handle that. I'm not sure where that is. I'm not at that point. But there are people who do that. Would you do it? Yeah, I should.

[Brian Bishop]

In 50 years, we'll all be chicks.

[Adam Carolla]

I should grab it.

[Giovanni]

That's pretty good, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Sitting underneath me.

[Allison Rosen]

Actually, that's so interesting. I thought it was like a point of pride to read your own audiobook. I didn't realize that that's routine. And it's when you hit a certain level that someone else reads your book.

[Brian Bishop]

And sometimes it's famous people, and sometimes it's like people who read books for a living. In John.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, It's a combination of the person who's done it a million times, times before that. Industry person or famous person. Or in less Adams, more Mind's case. It's my book about my having cancer. So it would sound very strange for someone else.

[Allison Rosen]

For what men read it.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Well, actually, that would be nice.

[Brian Bishop]

That would be funny. Holly Hunter, reading your book or whatnot.

[Giovanni]

I would like that, actually.

[Brian Bishop]

That'd be nice. There's your manuscript, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sitting underneath me, the part. I don't know, Greg. You must run into this or have run into this. Brian. You haven't. Allison. Maybe you have, where you go in with a casting director and read with them, but it's always a female casting director. And sometimes you're reading the part of a dude and. Or vice versa. You get the gay casting director, and he's reading the part of the. You're supposed to be your wife that you're arguing with. Does that fuck you up as much as it fucks me up? Are you more professional than I am?

[Brian Bishop]

For me, it's always a matter of the sitting, of the standing. Because, like, there's always a chair there. And the scene will be like you're running down the street. And then you'll sit in a chair and you're like, now how do I act like I'm running? And do I carry on pretending to act like I'm running in a sitting position? Or do I look like a complete spastic turtle at this point? And then do you look at them or, like. Because the cameras always sort of over here. And do you look at the casting, the person who's reading with you? And sometimes they don't know the lines and they fuck them up or whatever. And you're like, that is when they fuck it up.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're holding the script, and you're like, you're fucking it up. And you've held the script and you've done this to 28 people. How are you fucking this up?

[Allison Rosen]

And then if you're me, you think, is that part of your strategy?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Are you trying to get me out of this room? You know how you always hear the stories about, like, people coming in. In Character and getting apart because they were so outrageous. I know one that happened for true. Stephen Kravitz is a comedian and a friend of mine. Years ago, they were doing one of the Dirty Harry movies in San Francisco. I can't remember. Ultimate Blood or whatever they're all called. Magnum, Lethal, Handcuff. And it was supposed to be like, Punk Number three, you know, like, your part was a snotty punk in the movie. And he said the casting director wasn't watching him read, right? They're in a table and they were looking down and he finished his bit and ran over and grabbed his picture and went, fuck you, and walked out. And they went, stop back here. That's exactly what we want. But he did that, you know, but just think if you did that in Hollywood. If you walked up to a table and went, you're at fucking Warner Brothers and you just, hey, fuck you. You know? They're gonna go like, are you okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And my other favorite one was a friend of mine is an actress, said she just got to Hollywood and she's like, all actresses, high strung. And she gets a parking ticket for like $150 or, you know, and then has to go into the audition and she's crying. Like, she walks in and she's like. And they're like, are you ready for this today? Are you sure you're okay? You want to come back in another day? No, I'm fine. I'm gonna do it. And they go like, what, is it a problem with your family or something? And they're like, okay. Thank you for coming in. Thank you, Ms. Instability. We'd love to cast you in the show so that you could have a heart attack if there's no donuts. That'd be great.

[Adam Carolla]

Hot chicks are screwed by parking tickets because. Because they don't know they're putting a ticket on the car of a hot chick. When the cop pulls over the hot chick, half the time they skate just because cops are cops and hot chicks are hot chicks. But nobody knows the Toyota Celica that's sitting out there is owned by a hot chick or a heavyset dude and they get the same ticket. It's actually interesting. Meter maids sexually seem to be people that can't be swayed.

[Brian Bishop]

No, there's no way.

[Adam Carolla]

A cop. Yeah, but I just mean bribing them with your good looks. No, no. There's no swaying your pheromones. What I mean is, like, a cop is all man. Most six cops have extra testosterone, Even the women ones. Yeah. And so when they come up on the car, they have. There's a certain amount of swaying. If you picture meter maids, they're sort of women that are like men or men that are like women or folks that are of a certain age or a certain weight where it's completely. Just cannot. They don't give a fuck who, you know. They could be putting a ticket on Sharon Stone's windshield in her prime, and it would not matter if Sharon came out in the tightest little mini dress ever, mini skirt and started screaming or pleading. It would not matter.

[Allison Rosen]

They're robots.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I feel like they hire asexual people that could never. If Canseco came out, buttered up those guns a blazing, I'd have a hard.

[Giovanni]

Time giving him a ticket.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

But not. Yeah, if you were meat. Immediately wouldn't. If. As soon as that little ticky thing in their hand goes and barf the thing out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Because I got one a couple weeks ago and the woman saw me come out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm walking toward the car and I'm like, I. And she just.

[Adam Carolla]

You know.

[Brian Bishop]

And then. Then there's that. Do you say thank you, you know, when they give you the ticket? Because I didn't. I. I didn't curse her up, but I huffed off in a big. I ground my little fists and my hips and I.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Life is so unfair, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I wonder. I'll bet you that they don't discriminate against, you know, dwarfs and handicapped people. Pregnant. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

[Giovanni]

Equal opportunity.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They can hand something out to anybody. I bet they can.

[Allison Rosen]

Remember we did a news story of a car that had a dead woman in it for days and days, and.

[Adam Carolla]

They were counted tickets not in the trunk.

[Brian Bishop]

Could you see her? The dead?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, she a slumped over.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody thought to knock on the window or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Not when there were tickets to write.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. We should do a little news. I should tell you about one of our fine sponsors, untuckit.com. oh, yeah, you can. They make some really cool shirts. And the shirts are basically made to hang, you know, I like them that way because my problem is I pull up my pants too high and suck in my belt too tight, like Urkel. It's not a good look, but I never know it until I see a picture of me later on.

[Giovanni]

It's way too late by then.

[Adam Carolla]

Way too far down the road, people.

[Brian Bishop]

Come up to you and go, no, you can't take me to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. Exactly what happened? It's like you're following me around with a tape recorder. Untuck it, baby. Untuck it. Shirts are endorsed by gq. They're made in America. They are shirts that are made to hang. And I feel like this is interesting because I always wear shirts that aren't made to be untucked, but yet they're untucked. Never sure what to do with that bottom button, by the way.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, the extra button, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Do I do that bottom button or not? Anyway, visit untuckit.com use the promo code ADAM for 15% off all purchases. Really cool, high end stuff. You look cool. You don't look sloppy. The right shirt makes all difference. Reference untuckit.com. all right, Allison Rosen, let's do a little news, shall we, baby girl? Yes, the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Allison, Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Allison, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Fred Fell, Westboro Baptist Church, has died. He was 84. Natural causes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I want to do what I want to do, right? I want to take him down to Fire Island. I want to make some money. Right? Wasn't that our plan?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Like a weekend at Bernie style.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Animate him, you know what I mean? Put him in the dunk tank. All that kind of good stuff, you.

[Brian Bishop]

Know, when we lose a glittering light like this in our lives, it's very difficult to carry on, don't you think? When God takes one of nature's gentlemen like that, who's just really shown us what Christianity can be at its highest level.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then, you know, it makes you. You know, it's that thing, too, where you're like, phelps is gone, but John Mayer's still around. You know what I mean? Wow. It doesn't seem fair.

[Allison Rosen]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Why, why, why, why? Why is what you want to say.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a wordsmith, too.

[Allison Rosen]

Didn't he?

[Brian Bishop]

And invent the phrase God hates fags.

[Adam Carolla]

Right before, we just had them separately. We never combined them sort of the same like, you know, it was sort of like Michael Buffer with let's Get Ready to Rumble. The words existed.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It was never combined in the right order. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

It didn't make sense, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It wouldn't make sense.

[Allison Rosen]

So in a statement Thursday, the church chided the worldwide media for gleefully anticipating the death.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have had to See this one coming, right.

[Allison Rosen]

God forbid, if every little soul at the Westboro Baptist Church were to die at this instant or to turn from serving the true and living God, it would not change one thing about the judgments of God that await this deeply corrupted nation and world.

[Adam Carolla]

So the question is the services. I mean, what do we do with this guy? We gotta go out and protest, right? I mean, someone's. Everyone's been dying for his death. And to do this right.

[Allison Rosen]

Shirley Phelps, Roper Phelps's daughter, said Westboro will not hold a funeral. We do not worship the dead.

[Adam Carolla]

She said no. Really?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

How else are you supposed to meet God?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't that your only ticket?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it was whole plan. Yeah. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

But apparently he, while alive, when giving interviews, would talk about how people will probably protest his funeral. And he looked forward to that, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think you look forward to things when you're dead. No, probably not.

[Brian Bishop]

What do they say? The dead only know one thing. It's better to be alive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And even when people say, you know, you can sleep when you're dead, I'm not taking any chances. I'm sleeping now.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna say I need a nap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's my whole thing. What if you can. I don't want to get screwed. No going back. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What if he gets to heaven and God loves fags? That's gonna be kind of a shock.

[Adam Carolla]

For him, isn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

When there's a conga line.

[Adam Carolla]

If the.

[Brian Bishop]

Whole place is just done and it's fabulous and he gets up there and like. Like Eliza Minnow is playing on a big video screen.

[Adam Carolla]

That's for him. I mean, if he's going to hell, he's going to be a bar back at Mr. Fister. Right? Like, that's going to be his gig. That's going to be awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to Brodeo. This is your eternity.

[Allison Rosen]

Satellite images detected possible pieces of the missing Malaysia Airlines plane in the southern Indian Ocean. Officials have called this the best lead of the nearly two week mystery. Satellite detected two large objects floating at about 1000 miles off the southwestern coast of Australia and halfway to the Desolate Islands of the Antarctic. One of the objects on the satellite image was about 80ft long. I also had this in meters, but I'm not even going to. And the other was 15ft long. But it's possible that these objects could just be seaborne debris along a shipping route.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple things I don't like that we have the technology to disprove everything, you know, Back in the day, Amelia Earhart's plane would go down and we'd all be like, I think I spotted her at the Cherry Hill Mall.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it would just leave a little hope alive. Like, people just disappear. But, oh, she'd be on an island.

[Brian Bishop]

Somewhere, still living, dancing with the natives. Worshipped as a God.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Teaching them our ways.

[Brian Bishop]

Giving them lesbian haircuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Lesbian haircuts and things like that. Yeah. Now with technology and the satellite, whatever, like, okay, it'll be another four days. They'll fly in the plane. But imagine back in the day when this shit would happen. It just go on like, oh, that thing's sitting in Saddam Hussein's underground bunker somewhere, you know, or something. It was all that. It was all. Those days are gone.

[Allison Rosen]

Although it seems, it has seemed, with this story being in the news, like, those days aren't really gone. Since it's taken so long to find anything.

[Adam Carolla]

This is as close as we're gonna get. But as close as we're gonna get is a three to seven week delay, not eternity.

[Brian Bishop]

How come we have global positioning satellites that can find everybody? They can follow me walking down the street when I'm just trying to, you know, do nothing and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. This is. This story is just shocking. The worst part is that CNN's been playing that footage over and over of the woman wailing. And I have to watch Wolf Blitzer pretend he cares.

[Allison Rosen]

It's pretty much the only thing on CNN for the last week, two weeks, nonstop.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to. I know. They always talk about this trash and debris field that's in the middle of the ocean that's like the size of Texas.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, the floating garbage island.

[Adam Carolla]

You ever hear the floating garbage island? Good name for asv, by the way.

[Giovanni]

That's a good point.

[Brian Bishop]

We should do a concert from there.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, you know what we should do is we should take the person we hate the most and put them in the middle of the floating garbage island. I mean, there's literally a thing filled with. With empty water bottles and Pampers and shit that's the size of Texas that seems to just be going around wherever the Gulf stream meets the. Whatever, stream. And it's just sitting there. You could drop a person off in the middle of that thing, it would probably take them four days to die. It'd be a nice way to go, you know, Syringe stunk in their side.

[Allison Rosen]

They just didn't catch a piece of trash.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, in terms of the whole banishing part oh, now I'm onto something. All right, we gotta find out where the floating garbage island is. But we argue all the time. There's all this like, oh, how do we put these guys to death? And is this drug humane or inhumane? And then there's a firing squad and the electric chair, but that doesn't work, and blah, blah. Dropping them off into the middle of the floating garbage island would be awesome. And it'd also be one of those things where. Look, if you can figure out a way to get out of the middle of the garbage island, that'll be up to you. You know what I mean? Like, if you can flag down a freighter or something, like catch a ride on a swordfish or something, that'll be on. I will now deem that as an.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything's like a children's book.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I will deem that as an act of God. That'll be an act of God saying that you've repented and that you're obviously, we need your soul on this planet now if you can escape the floating garbage island. I think it's just a swirling mass of. Of plastic and shit that's like the size of Texas. I don't see any reason why we couldn't drive out to the middle of it and drop off the prisoners. Yeah, okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Which would be a worse fate.

[Adam Carolla]

Certainly be a great reality show.

[Allison Rosen]

Being stuck somewhere with horrendous noise for two days, let's say. Or being stuck somewhere that smelled awful for two days.

[Adam Carolla]

It's unclear if the garbage island smells weird.

[Allison Rosen]

How could it not?

[Giovanni]

It's getting washed by salt water.

[Adam Carolla]

Salt everything has just sort of been floating in the ocean for five years. So it's not like fresh washed of its scent, fresh diapers and shit like that. But either way, you'd just be surrounded. Let's see. Twice the size of the continental. What? I got to figure this one out. It's a North Pacific. They vary the size.

[Brian Bishop]

What are we comparing it to now? What size?

[Allison Rosen]

Us? Apparently it might. Some say it's as high as twice the size of continental US.

[Brian Bishop]

If I was making this joke 15 years ago, I said it would be the size of Oprah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. And now it's time.

[Allison Rosen]

That's timeless.

[Adam Carolla]

Rebel Wilson Wilson. Right, exactly. Either way, we'll get a satellite picture of this thing, but I think I would be all right with the, you know, Chuck Manson being dropped off in the middle of the floating garbage aisle.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's a can opener and a soldering iron.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, to make it fun, we'd have to give him a couple. We'd have to give them a couple of, like, Nature Valley bars. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And a cup and a moist towelette.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, moist towelette. Knock yourself out.

[Giovanni]

Be like survivor. You'd ask him, you have one thing from your home that you can bring with you. Everything else.

[Adam Carolla]

And then refrigerator full of food. We could. Then we could get back to my thing. Where you go, I was at Cherry Hill Mall and I saw Tex Watson. And you're like, oh, no, he got dropped off in the middle of the garbage island. Well, he must have got out and then we'd never know.

[Allison Rosen]

That'd be fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Get back to the fun, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Police armed with assault rifles descended on a main man's home after members of a tree.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's my main man.

[Allison Rosen]

After members of a tree removal crew that he told to clear off his property, yelled at them to clear off the property. Property reported that he had a gun. But then when the cops got there, it turned out the gun he had was just a tattoo of a gun that was right above his waistband. So if you look in the photo and you can see this on animalcroll.com from far away, it does appear that he has a gun. Is it Louis CK but it's Louis CK With a gun tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Are those real sheriff's hats that guy's wearing, or is that like a main sheriff hat? That doesn't seem regulation.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a beanie that says security.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's winter related. The. Oh, my God, the gun. Tattoo of the gun. The Glock that's tucked into your waistband.

[Allison Rosen]

Does it go all the way?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point, because I know legally you have to draw a red tip on the end of it or you'll be thrown out of the Tattoo Artists association of America, number one. Number two, let's give the devil his due. He is shirtless and standing in a snowbank.

[Brian Bishop]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, he's got something. He's got, you know, if we could just channel that energy in the right direction. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

His right arm's on fire, too. With blue flames.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And what's going on in his left arm? There's a bird.

[Brian Bishop]

Difficult to say. I'm getting neo Nazi kind of.

[Allison Rosen]

I am getting. Yeah, I'm getting a little bit of that white supremacist.

[Brian Bishop]

I see a kind of imperial eagle there.

[Adam Carolla]

I do.

[Allison Rosen]

I did wonder if that's what that was.

[Adam Carolla]

I do kind of like this notion, though, of tattooing the bandolara. Belt across you and like tattoo a grenade my right hand or something. And like in case I ever get fucking and some gang bangers walk up on me, all I gotta do is pull my shirt off and all sudden.

[Giovanni]

You know, would you get a dagger tattoo on your ankle?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, that's right. Like I'm going for it.

[Allison Rosen]

So he works nights and he was asleep when the tree crew was contracted by when the tree tree removal crew came out and they woke him up at 10am so he went outside shirtless and yelled at them, but police did not charge him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right. So he went out shirtless with the.

[Brian Bishop]

For unlawfully walking out shirtless in the morning with a tattoo of a jammy and your waistband.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, I'm gonna.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an arcane law, but one that's rarely enforced.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wonder if his wife has like a tampon tattoo down there. Freak out the guy.

[Brian Bishop]

She has a holster tattooed on the other side.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, there's a part of me that wants to give this guy some points for creativity.

[Allison Rosen]

What I wonder is, does he, when he's wearing a shirt, does he also like, is that where his gun goes or does he just have the tattoo?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, like in the garage they have to outline around the crescent wrench so he remembers. So you know where it goes. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I look on the wall. Markings and whatnot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

So does he have a little eagle that he hangs on his left arm?

[Allison Rosen]

And imagine when he puts on the blaze on his right arm. So Adam, I know that you love local news fuck ups. A Fox affiliate KDVR which is in Denver, was talking about the Como News helicopter crash in Seattle. And this happened to us from Seattle.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys, that's another photo. You can see the smoke billowing up.

[Caller]

Next to the Space Needle there.

[Giovanni]

That iconic image in Seattle, man.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's Edward Scissorhands. So we'll just ignore that.

[Caller]

And so, you know, a lot of.

[Adam Carolla]

People obviously, you know, following on Twitter, tweeting pictures. And we're going to be following it here on Good Day. Horrible situation.

[Allison Rosen]

So in the midst of their news report, all of a sudden they were showing a photo. And then rapidly photo of Edward Scissorhands showed up and then a photo of Burrito and then a dick pic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was a profile pic too.

[Giovanni]

Which you don't usually see.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was.

[Brian Bishop]

No, usually they're head on, as you would say.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and it's what you want in a dick pic, which was in the leather phase, meaning it's the Equivalent to this. If you're going to take a picture with your shirt off, you want to do a few push ups, but you don't want to grease yourself up and do a bench, you know, do 30 reps on a bench press. That's going to be ridiculous. You know what I mean? You want to get a little blood flowing but not look like you're trying. There's a leather phase that a guy gets into when he's taking the dick pic, which is, oh, no, this ain't hard.

[Brian Bishop]

This is just wait till, wait till later.

[Adam Carolla]

This is noon. This is how I am. But really there's a little. Again, it's, it's. They just got down. Like it's a celebrity thing. If they got to take their shirt off, they do 30 push ups.

[Brian Bishop]

Is this the news reporter's Twitter or something? One of the guys?

[Allison Rosen]

No, they said that this. The photo was mistakenly broadcast by our control room. It did not come from the tablet many viewers saw being used by one of our anchors.

[Brian Bishop]

Because I love that the anchor kept reading and he wasn't looking up and the woman was.

[Adam Carolla]

Went.

[Brian Bishop]

She actually did the movement with your.

[Adam Carolla]

Hand, like, oh, someone's in trouble. Yeah, there's got to be. There's gonna be more of this, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, one hopes a lot more.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot more. Right.

[Giovanni]

The whole thing about especially local news is just get it on as fast as you can. Be the first to get the news. If you're not doing the news first, someone to watch another channel. And so they're just putting a live feed from someone clicking on Twitter. Twitter or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Instagram or whatever it was now. But also, we're going to be living in a time where nobody can write, who can complain? You know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

What grounds do they have?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, hasn't everyone seen everything 100 times now and heard everything? I mean, a child with a phone. Yes. I just feel like. Who sheltered from what? How many images of the planes hitting the Twin towers has everyone seen? How many pictures of that Vietnamese girl running down the dirt road with her clothes burnt off? You know, I mean, it's. I feel like it's all up there. It's all out there. It's all. Everyone's seen it. It's all there.

[Allison Rosen]

Still haven't seen two girls, one cup.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the late, great Bob Schimmel made sure that just before dying, he made sure that he killed my soul just a little bit by showing me that. That was Bob Schimmel, wasn't it?

[Giovanni]

It was Robert Schimmel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He did a thing. I miss that guy. I really do. I don't know how much you knew, how well you knew Greg.

[Brian Bishop]

I knew Bob, but if you're gonna describe the picture, I'm gonna plug my ears because.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not, I'm not. I'm just gonna eat later in the world. I'll tell you this, that Schimmel, I really, I really enjoyed Schimmel. I thought he's a great, great guy and it's such a great self deprecating sense of humor and so on and so forth. But he did the. Oh hey, let me show you something. My Mac. And he popped it open and I thought it was going to be like a goofy Jimmy Kimmel video or something. And it was like. And then pow. And it's really hard to unring that bell.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna say it can't be unseen once it's seen. That's the problem with it, right? And the more you try to not think of it, the more it keeps hurting a tooth.

[Allison Rosen]

Same thing happened to me in the Green Room of Red Eye, a show that Proops and I both been on when I did not want to see the Verne Troyer sex tape.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there is one.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh yeah, it's awful. I can't unsee that.

[Adam Carolla]

How short is it? One girl. That's called One Girl in the Dixie. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a Vern charge statement. Is it lengthy?

[Allison Rosen]

I only saw enough to scar me. Yeah, I mean she's full size.

[Adam Carolla]

He's not. Oh, golly.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, a statement was released for the Dick pic. While reporting breaking news about the crash of the Como TV helicopter in Seattle, Fox31 Denver accidentally broadcast an offensive photo while scrolling live through a Twitter feed of pictures from the crash site. Then the photo was mistakenly broadcast by our control room that we apologize for the inadvertent broadcast of the image and we are taking immediate steps to prevent such an accident from happening again.

[Brian Bishop]

We also apologize for the semi erect state of this mildly tumescent wiener.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna say, like, although it was lengthy, do we have to apologize for everything that we know is clearly a mistake? You know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

Like, like not apologizing would somehow be. Yep, we met that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, like, you know, it's. It's semi tumescent wiener Tuesday and we always put, and it's traditional after showing.

[Brian Bishop]

A picture of Johnny Depp to show a semi erect wiener here in the Denver area.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of like the people you know, you ever run into this person literally, and it happens A lot. Where it's like you're. I don't know, you're on the subway or you're at a party or you're somewhere. It's a little. You're on, like, one of these shuttle buses or something, and like. Like, you step down, you step backwards and you realize, oh, my, I've stepped on somebody's toe. And then you do the. Immediately, oh, excuse me. And they go, I stepped on my toe. And you're like, right, I did it. And then I said, pardon me? And then you followed up with what I just done, but what's in it for me? And you think I just get off on this sexually? And, like, didn't we clear this up with what I just said? And. And isn't that how it should work? And what is that person that cannot stifle themselves, like, and doesn't understand where they are? That's the part that's insane. Like, if you're inside your house and you're taking a shower and someone steps on your toe and it's a stranger, then you should be thoroughly freaked out. But if you're in a fucking shuttle that's taking everyone from the airport to the Marriott and. And it's packed to capacity and somebody steps back and steps on your toe, where's the indignation come from? Excuse you? Like, where does that. You're in a fucking bus that holds 28 people, but there's 41 souls on it, and somebody stepped on your foot. Shouldn't you be surprised when someone doesn't step on your foot in that environment? And how much feedback does that person need for the thing they never meant to do?

[Brian Bishop]

And especially when you're apologizing, I'm sorry, I stepped in.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. They just sort of repeat, no one's.

[Brian Bishop]

Ever violated my personal page before.

[Adam Carolla]

Repeat back to you. I had the. I had the. I don't know why, but I did this. Usually I just reserve this action for my wife, but I had to do it today. When I was talking to a producer on Dennis Prager show before this morning, they said, I heard the contractor show you're doing is getting sued. And I said, yeah. And then they said, so are they canceling it? And I said, no, they're not. And he said, so they're not canceling it. And I said what I just said, by the way, according to your logic, this is endless. This will never, ever end. This exchange can never end because I'll give you the answer, but you'll have to come back for. I just like when people who know nothing about something have decided, get Max a pat in here. Chris, was that uncomfortable for you to stand by that exchange?

[Caller]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

You calling him out like, I think he said he asked you first. Hey, how the show going? Good. You're like, yeah, it's going really good. Oh, so they're canceling it? Well, no, I just said it was going really well, Right? No, he said it's getting sued. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Because they showed you the article. They had to print it out. Yeah, it was getting. It was getting sued. And in his mind, he decided when a show gets sued, you just stop doing it, but not when you have 10 more episodes in the can. So, no. And I just told him no. And he just came right back with, so he's getting canceled. I was like, no, but don't those people deserve that conversation?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Why is he getting sued?

[Adam Carolla]

Whoever. One of the first houses we worked on, the people are evidently suing the production company because some of the work wasn't done correctly or something.

[Brian Bishop]

So you guys are getting canceled.

[Allison Rosen]

You have to bust yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. It's. No, it's. Bleh.

[Brian Bishop]

I heard that they burned the 10 that were in the can that they actually know they're gone.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gone. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You won't be able to. It's not a matter of being canceled that you just simply can't have any more airtime.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, if.

[Brian Bishop]

And you get a bare bottom spanking in a public square.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. If everyone is getting sued for something, just promptly stopped doing whatever it is they were doing, then I think everything would stop simultaneously, and we just grind to a fucking halt. Then we'd all jump in that big.

[Brian Bishop]

Car, and then the deadlines will be written in stone.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. All right, let's do one more, shall we, Baby girl?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, Adam, I know you like classical music, and I can't stop sneezing. And this story has both. But just one more word about that. Does anyone else have seasonal allergies? This is probably the worst they've ever been in my entire life. I spend more time sneezing than I do anything else.

[Adam Carolla]

Why aren't we doing the news?

[Allison Rosen]

That is news for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you take any histamines for it?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, but.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you jacked up all the time?

[Allison Rosen]

Then I take Zyrtec, and actually, Chris Laxamana is the one who said that his doctor told him to just take it like a vitamin, take it every day, because I pretty much take them six Sneeze in. But now I'm just gonna start snorting and. Yeah, snorting them. Questioning and snorting them. Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I've never. I've never had any. That I've been very lucky. Although I never think of. You know, it's one of those things where you never count yourself amongst the lucky when it's just something you don't have that everyone else seems to have but indigestion, heartburn, seasonal, whatever. Allergic to any.

[Brian Bishop]

You never have heartburn?

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing? Never. You're lucky. I've never taken a Tums. I've never been constipated. I've never taken fiber.

[Allison Rosen]

You've never been constipated?

[Adam Carolla]

I've never.

[Allison Rosen]

But surely you've had diarrhea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but rarely. And like as a kid, when I'm sick or whatever. I've not allergic to anything. I've never had allergies. I've never had any. Just like again, I've never taken an antacid or. It's not like, oh, man, that Indian food really is coming back on me now. Or I have to tilt the bed up at a 45 degree angle to sleep so my esophagus doesn't burn out.

[Brian Bishop]

My sleep numbers. Cheops.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. Never with anything. Just literally a zero.

[Brian Bishop]

What about that time you stepped on that person's foot in the shuttle?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's pretty messy. Excuse you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, excuse you.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never had a hemorrhoid. Never. Nothing. No, I've never.

[Brian Bishop]

Had you ever been to a doctor or is this just.

[Allison Rosen]

He had Lasik. He had Lasik. He's not perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. My eyes were like. Was having trouble reading the menu when I got into my mid-40s and that was about it. But really, I mean, I get cavities and shit like that, but I've just never had any of the issues or problems that everybody seems to have in one way, shape or form. I've never had a.

[Brian Bishop]

So TV commercials to. You are just this fictional world I see.

[Adam Carolla]

So things that happen to other people, honestly. First off, half of them are feminine hygiene and this and that and the other. So you can go ahead and check that box. And then the other is. It's either that bee with the voice of Antonio Banderas. Banderas buzzing around or that family that's talking about having the fungus underneath the fingernails or moving into your.

[Allison Rosen]

No, all the men who have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Go, yeah, all the Pepto Bismol and all that, like, and upset stomach and antacid and all that.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe you don't overeat Maybe that's the.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's just. Everything is just pure genetics. Meets kind of your brain and your spinal column. Like, I treat myself like a raccoon in a dumpster. I just fucking eat anything. I don't worry about germs. I've never had a thing. But it's always just genetic. I. I think. But I've not found a food that I can't eat or that I'm allergic to or any. Any substance or any seasonal allergies. Sorry. Now you feel extra bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, anyway, a trombonist with the London Central Band who is not blessed with your genes couldn't hold back a sneeze during a church orchestra performance. Uh oh, and here's what happened. This is what that sound.

[Adam Carolla]

People thought.

[Allison Rosen]

Something in the PA system had blown up.

[Adam Carolla]

I missed a part where the trombone slide would go flying across the room or where someone would hang their laundry on it. You know, like, there's a lot of trombone humor back in the day. That's right. There are people. It's a curse. There's people like Mike August who don't know when they're going to sneeze, which says a lot about the man.

[Giovanni]

And it's violent.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's violent. So you're just sitting next to him, like, driving down to Irvine to do a show, and he's just sitting silently next to you in the car, and he just goes, hiyah. And it's like, it scares the shit out of you.

[Allison Rosen]

And you go, his face explodes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike, put your fucking hand over your mouth or turn your head. And he's like, I don't know when it's gonna come. And if. So that's got to be a bizarre way to go through life. And then you've got to avoid weddings and funerals and wakes and things, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Sex and things of that nature. But there's the person that A, doesn't know they're going to sneeze and B has one sneeze. Like, I have a sneeze. I have an alone sneeze. And then I have an audience with the Pope. Sneeze. I can fucking monitor that sneeze a little bit. It's gonna be a sneeze, but I will stifle it as best I can. You know, it's Hitman with a silencer. Sneeze. Who are the people that just have one sneeze? They're fucking like a dog. You know what I mean? No, but I mean, you do the turn. You do the.

[Allison Rosen]

Some people do the Shirt turn, I think pinches them off entirely.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

That can't be good.

[Adam Carolla]

Once you hit 45, that's followed by fart.

[Brian Bishop]

And then a heart attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And then fecal matter.

[Brian Bishop]

There's all sorts of amazing that can happen when you don't let that go.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I do. Who. First off, there are the people that do the open air sneeze, that just do the out into the world sneeze. Like, really?

[Brian Bishop]

That's so gross.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. Now I do this. I don't know where you guys are at. I take the shirt, the undershirt, pull it up and over and do the sort of construction mask, Bazooka Joe move and just go into the shirt. If I'm going to be in somebody's house or on an airplane or something.

[Allison Rosen]

Like that, I sneeze into my bra.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Giovanni]

I sneezed in Allison's bra, too.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you take your bra off to sneeze in?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I just pull it up. Pull it up. No, I don't really. I don't do that. I just sneeze into my hand. But first I go. I wind up.

[Adam Carolla]

But do you see those people that are, like, literally on a packed Southwest flight, they're just on a flight where every seat is taken and their hands are on their hips when they sneeze, it's like they're fucking weird. And, you know, everyone does the. Well, maybe their parents. Never parents. Isn't that something that's just kind of built in? Like, do you really need Eliza Doolittle? Oh, shit, what's her name?

[Brian Bishop]

Henry Higgins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Henry Higgins.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you need a professor to stand over you and go cover your walls?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do you need Heloise, like, standing next to you with a. With a ruler and a book on her head? Or do you just fucking. Is it just common? Are you a human being who shares the planet in a 737 with other human beings?

[Brian Bishop]

I've had people sneeze next to me at restaurants while you're eating. And I just like that. Do you really, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you have a fucking napkin there.

[Brian Bishop]

You have a napkin in your lap. Put it in your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

That's gross. But as Allison and I always discuss. Are we all secretly jealous of these people?

[Allison Rosen]

They're not vexed by the concerns that the rest of us are.

[Brian Bishop]

They are not. They ride blindly over roughshod.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You're not jealous of them, you say, because you're picturing that from the great mind of Greg Proust. But imagine the bliss of being them.

[Allison Rosen]

They don't care if they turn their book in late, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

They sneeze all over every fucking page and then turn it in two months late. Never care. Never care. Not a care in the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Bad grammar.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't matter to them.

[Brian Bishop]

Loads of exclamation points.

[Allison Rosen]

Fair spelled wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

Not care spelled a bunch of different ways.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a care in their world. No. All right, let's bring it home, baby.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen's a bit cunt. I want to grow out my pubic hair listening to this guy.

[Giovanni]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

By the way, saying cunt in front of Robert Wagner didn't feel good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Was he here the other day?

[Giovanni]

He loved it, though.

[Adam Carolla]

He got a big laugh out of it.

[Allison Rosen]

He did okay. Because I didn't make eye contact after that.

[Giovanni]

Yes, he thought it was very funny.

[Brian Bishop]

He is from Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

He is a guy.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sure he's heard it and seen it.

[Brian Bishop]

He slept with Barbara Stanwyck. I think he heard content.

[Adam Carolla]

He literally.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I told myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Puts a jacket and tie on to do a podcast.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And always comes with extra shirts.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? In case he sweats through or something.

[Allison Rosen]

In case he has sex with someone?

[Giovanni]

No, in case Adam's wearing the same shirt. He can't show up at the party.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't clash. I don't know. But when we had him over here to do that Paul Newman documentary, he was. He had some extra shirts with him. Unclear how. I would not question the man's shirt related wisdom.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, maybe in case he had to film. As if it was different days.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think it was for me. I think it was like moving on to whatever he was moving on to. And he needed a fresh shirt.

[Brian Bishop]

But either way, gotta go do Access Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

A dapper gentleman, to be sure. DraftKings, baby. Oh, college hoop fans are winning huge money. DraftKings.com tournament is here. It is just starting to heat up. Cash prizes all month during March. Millions. James Tron, friend of ours, went to high school with. Well, maybe won a million bucks in one day, man. One day. Fantasy sports. No season long commitments. All drawn out and strung out. Stuck with the same lazy players. No, just instant cash. And not just college ball. Basketball, golf, baseball. Opening day just around the corner. Dawson, right now you can play for.

[Brian Bishop]

Free to win real [e-mail] up to 200 million bucks. Pick any sport, but hurry. Free spots are going quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Enter [e-mail] before this Friday for your free entry. That's adamaraftkings.com draftkings.com all right, my show, catch Contractor on Spike, 10 o'. Clock.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys are still on?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, we're doing the show. Yeah. Turn them into guitar picks.

[Brian Bishop]

It's on. Spike. That's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's fun. It's a good show. People like it. And enjoy Greg Proops, everyone, live at Musso and Frank, available download on GregProops.com also the podcast available on itunes, Smartest man in the World and the Greg Proops film club website, gregproops.com all right.

[Brian Bishop]

Whose line starts on Friday?

[Adam Carolla]

CW on the cw. Okay. So look out for that back on.

[Brian Bishop]

His line 700 years later.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, Sam Crow for great proofs, Allison Rosen and Paul Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Saying, Mahala, I am now the girl. I think now I am the boy. I am the hamster.

[Giovanni]

All right, those adam Polo Show 1286. That does it for this weekend's Parole classics. Make sure to tune in next week. Until then, mahalo. And get it on.