Graham Parker + Wyclef Jean (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show: “Graham Parker + Wyclef Jean (Carolla Classics)”

PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
Release Date: March 27, 2026
(Classic highlights originally recorded in 2012)

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Overview

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show is a curated selection of highlights from the show's extensive archive, featuring memorable interviews with Wyclef Jean (Fugees), Graham Parker (legendary British singer-songwriter), as well as classic banter with co-hosts Alison Rosen and Bald Brian. Introduced by Penn Jillette and superfan Giovanni, the show is quintessential Carolla: unfiltered, deeply personal, filled with irreverent humor, and touching on music, pop culture, family dynamics, and candid life stories. The episode offers a rich tapestry of moments—ranging from Wyclef’s immigrant journey and musical success, Graham Parker’s tales from the British music scene, to Adam’s signature rants about modern society and hilarious family anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Adam’s Family, Upbringing, and Social Commentary

• Dependency & Welfare Culture ([00:56-04:29])
  • Adam recounts his mother’s lifelong financial dependency, blending humor with observations about waiting on external factors rather than taking initiative.
  • Quote (Adam, 03:29): “You get into a mode... You’re out of ‘I gotta fix my own shit’ mode. Do you know what I’m saying?”
• Craigslist Bargains and Used Goods ([06:18-13:38])
  • Adam humorously tells tales of family buying/selling on Craigslist—including his stepdad meeting in parking lots to buy used phones.
  • Pokes fun at not wanting to hear sellers’ personal stories.
  • Quote (Adam, 11:16): “One of the things I enjoy about buying things and paying retail at a store is the guy who works at Sears doesn’t explain to me why they have to sell this stack washer and dryer…”
• Book Sales and Family Support ([13:34-19:34])
  • Adam vents about his family never buying his books, pointing to a disconnect between people who’ve never worked in the private sector versus those who have.
  • Discusses long-tail sales success of his books thanks to fans.
  • Notable moment: comparison of book sales to Bubba Booey and Portia de Rossi at [19:00]

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2. Celebrity Encounters, Pop Culture, and Social Critique

• Penn Jillette Interview – On Professional Respect ([32:35-38:02])
  • Penn explains the foundation of his three-decade partnership with Teller: respect above love.
  • Quote (Penn, 34:57): “The major thing is that there’s an absence of love. It’s all just respect. We’ve never really had a friendship-type relationship... I think respect is a much stronger emotion than affection.”
• Celebrity Apprentice Dissection ([41:28-44:41])
  • Adam and Penn share behind-the-scenes stories and bafflement over reality show outcomes, particularly Donald Trump’s whims.
• Social Hypocrisy & Lack of Honor in Modern America ([91:07-99:47])
  • Adam laments the decline of trust and honor, illustrated via an exasperating attempt to buy a trailer in Georgia—blocked by restrictive, ‘cover-your-ass’ business procedures.
  • Uses Japanese culture as a counterexample where honor still acts as currency.

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3. Wyclef Jean Interview – From Dirt Poor to Superstardom

• Immigrant Journey from Haiti ([107:49-116:21])
  • Wyclef details his early life: born in a hut in Haiti, traveling to school by donkey, and at times so poor he ate red dirt.
  • Culture shock on arriving in the US at age 9—no electricity, never seen white people, associate Americans with humanitarian food drops.
  • Quote (Wyclef, 116:05): “You feel so hungry, you literally would take the dirt from the floor and eat it just to feel something in your stomach.”
• The American Dream Reframed ([119:14-122:20])
  • Discussion about the contrast between "poor" in Haiti vs. the US, the importance of perspective, and the illusion that the US is unwinnable for immigrants.
• Fugees Origins, Success, and Breakup ([122:43-157:54])
  • Early music influences: split between Christian music (from preacher father) and a natural pull toward hip-hop.
  • Self-produced Fugees album ‘The Score’ topped charts unexpectedly.
  • Love triangle with Lauryn Hill, his marriage, and the eventual Fugees breakup—handled with forthright honesty.
  • Quote (Wyclef, 150:27): “The law of karma, right? You just think, man, I’m going to do stuff and ain’t nothing going to happen to me…”
  • Discusses the impact of personal life on creative partnerships and why a Fugees reunion, despite big money offers, hasn’t worked out.
• Musical Legacy Beyond the Fugees ([157:18-158:58])
  • Writing hits for major artists: Destiny’s Child’s “No, No, No”, Santana’s “Maria Maria”, Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie”.
  • Wyclef frames the Fugees’ end as the starting point for his wider creative impact.

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4. Graham Parker Interview – 70s/80s British Rock Reflections

• Music, Film, and the Culture of the Time ([204:57-218:09])
  • Appearing in Judd Apatow’s film "This Is 40" after a chance meeting (and a Sammy Davis impersonation).
  • Parker’s evolution: from horn-laden soul influences on ‘Heat Treatment’ (1976) to the stripped-back, punk-influenced ‘Squeezing Out Sparks’ (1979).
  • Quote (Graham, 210:38): “You don’t want to be in danger of being thought of as some kind of good time bar band... So I think Squeezing Out Sparks, I wanted to clear that deck and come up with something, you know, very different.”
• Artistry, Anger, and Longevity ([211:56-218:02])
  • Parker discusses how intensity and a return to the energy of soul and early rock & roll drove him away from the bloated prog rock scene.
  • The breakup and eventual reunion with his band, The Rumour—returning with the album "Three Chords Good".
  • His preference for the American audience over British music press, and reflections on persistent labels as “angry”.
  • Quote (Graham, 215:11): “My career was in steps… It was an explosion of press interest but the public didn’t really follow. But it got steadily bigger and bigger.”
• Life Reflections and Family ([254:12-255:44])
  • Strong imagery of his father’s hard, working-class life as a coal stoker, contrasting the “swanning about” of a musician’s job.

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5. Iconic Comedic Moments & Banter

• Adam on Pet Ownership ([176:59-182:15])
  • Hilarious riff on getting a new puppy versus a rescue, and the escalating hassle factor.
  • Memorable line (Adam, 180:38): “Having one German Shepherd puppy was a much bigger hassle than having twins.”
• Kids, Parenting, & Family Humor ([172:01-175:20])
  • Story about his son’s “bullying” at school—first described as “fingers in ears,” escalating to a direct hit “in the penis” in classic Carolla fashion.
• Music Fandom and Regrets ([164:36-194:55])
  • Adam’s personal fan journey: meeting John Hiatt, idolizing Graham Parker, frustration at unrecognized musical genius, and shunning “Maneater” radio repetition.

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6. Notable Quotes & Standout Exchanges

• On Modern Society:
  • “We’ve decided to create this society where everybody’s a five, a litigious five year old criminal. That’s how we’ve built our society.” — Adam, [99:47]
• On Band Partnerships:
  • “It’s all just respect. I think respect is a much stronger emotion than affection.” — Penn Jillette, [34:57]
• On the American Dream (Wyclef’s father):
  • “When white people, black people, yellow people, green people, they come to see you and they don’t see the color, they see the man, then you know, you’ve made it in America.” — Wyclef Jean (quoting his father), [130:05]
• On Press & Charity Events (Graham Parker):
  • “John Lennon said, in the music business, you get benefited to death.” — Graham Parker, [231:15]
• On Musical Covers (Rod Stewart):
  • “Every time you like one of Rod’s songs, it’s someone else’s song that you like.” — Adam, [252:38]

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Timestamps: Important Segments

| Segment Description | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------|-------------------| | Adam’s family dependency / welfare rant | 00:56–04:29 | | Craigslist stories, buying used goods | 06:18–13:38 | | Book sales & family dynamic | 13:34–19:34 | | Penn Jillette interview: respect vs affection | 32:35–38:02 | | Social trust/honor rant (trailer incident) | 91:07–99:47 | | Wyclef Jean: Haiti & immigrant story | 107:49–116:21 | | Fugees origin, success, and breakup | 122:43–157:54 | | Graham Parker: Judd Apatow & reunion | 204:57–218:09 | | Parker on music, life, family | 254:12–255:44 | | Adam’s parenting/puppy stories | 172:01–182:15 |

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Tone, Style, and Standout Moments

• Adam’s signature blend of gruff affection, biting sarcasm, and personal honesty shines throughout—whether describing his family’s quirks, venting about society, or geeking out over musical heroes.
• Wyclef’s segments become a moving story of resilience and opportunity in America.
• Graham Parker, with his dry British wit, offers a nuanced take on the ups and downs of a music career, and a rare look at the humility behind decades of music.
• Banter with co-hosts Alison Rosen & Bald Brian roots the show in a warm, irreverent camaraderie.

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Conclusion

This “Carolla Classics” episode is a rewarding listen for both new and longtime fans. It brings together stories of grit, satire, and humility—from Adam’s ranting and family comedy, to Wyclef’s immigrant triumph, to Graham Parker’s rock & roll odyssey. The episode is laced with memorable lines, a smattering of music history, pop culture asides, and an honest look at life’s oddities. For anyone seeking the heart, humor, and hard truths of The Adam Carolla Show, this episode delivers.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Penn Jillette]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans selected clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to hear any of these full episodes commercial free, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's substack. There you can find the full archives

[Adam Carolla]

of the Ad Free Adam Carolla Show. The Ad Free Archives is the Adam and Dr. Drew show as well as

[Penn Jillette]

the podcast Beat it out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to

[Penn Jillette]

request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com now on to the clips. Coming up first today we have Adam Carolla Show 884 featuring Penn Jillette, Dr. Bruce, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2012. Penn's podcast Penn Sunday School started on Ace Broadcasting, Corolla Digital back in the early days when they were first expanding with additional shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope you guys enjoy. Good day. Allison Rosen hello Adam Carolla Good day. Ball old Brian Rose Veritrol get it on baby got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate get it on. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for telling a friend. A lot of people have been checking out the Dr. Drew bonus episode and digging that we put those on just for you. All right, so we'll get to the show. Penn Jillette's calling in. Dr. Spaz is coming on. Much to complain about where to begin. My mom and my stepdad came over today, hung out for a little bit, had an uplifting conversation. Conversation went a little something like this. My mom's been living in her mom's extra piece of shit with the one bathroom and the no central air and no central heat in it for her entire life in the Valley. And she's always wanted to get out of that, but she can't because she's dependent on that.

[Bald Brian]

But it is now her house.

[Adam Carolla]

She now owns it, yes, but now she's getting old and it's why I sort of complain about the welfare state, because I see how crippling it is. My mom spent her whole life waiting for her mom to die so that she could move to Santa Barbara. You shouldn't be waiting on somebody else to die or something else to happen.

[Allison Rosen]

Why did she do it while her mom was alive?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she was living in this house that she didn't own, but she wasn't having to pay rent per se. She was getting the stipend from the government. She was dependent she couldn't just get up and leave. It was like being a, you know, 65 year old college student with a stepdad who's paying for your room and board or something.

[Allison Rosen]

She couldn't give up the killer lifestyle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yes. You end up resenting the person. That inflatable couch, the person that's keeping you afloat. Yeah. A lot of that were Marlboro miles. So she's no slouch.

[Allison Rosen]

She needed the giant duffel bag, she

[Adam Carolla]

needed the kayak and that. So you become sort of dependent on somebody. Once you become dependent on that somebody, it's hard to really get off that teat. It just becomes who you are. Your self esteem sort of gets down to a point where work and all that kind of stuff is not really an option. So you're sort of waiting for whoever's taking care of you to either die or get drunk and cut you a check or do something or elect somebody to do something. You don't. You get into a mode and this is what I don't like. You get in a mode of what are you gonna do for me? Mode or when are you gonna do something for me? Mode. You're out of I gotta fix my own shit mode. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's.

[Allison Rosen]

If there's something that's upsetting you, then it's the fault of the person you become dependent on, not your own.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're not even in. You are just a styrofoam cup in that giant sea. That field of trash. That field of trash that's the size of Texas in the middle of the Pacific or the Atlantic or whatever it is, you're just in that vortex. You're just floating around, couple oily feathers stuck to you. Yeah. Waiting for maybe a wind or a seagull to pluck you up. But you can't really do anything. You're just. Your plans don't involve yourself, which is a weird way to go through life. My mom's plans didn't involve her. It involved somebody dying, selling something they used to own, getting some money and moving somewhere else.

[Bald Brian]

How much of this nature versus nurture do you think? Because when I was first diagnosed and Christy and I were both out of work and she was taking care of me, we were on unemployment for whatever the cycle is, three months or something. And it became sort of after three months, it was like, oh, it was really nice getting a check for however many hundred bucks every couple weeks.

[Penn Jillette]

But.

[Bald Brian]

But I was like, we gotta put a stop to this. Because it's killing our ambition. We sort of realize right away, like this money, while nice, it's too comfortable, it puts us in too relaxed of a state.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think you could ever do it to Mark Cuban. You know what I mean? I don't think you could turn Mark Cuban into my mom. On the other hand, I'm not great reality sounds like reality show, dude. It's fun, though. On the other hand, I don't know what would get my mom out of it. But the good news is we all fall somewhere in between my mom and Mark Cuban. That's what I'm talking about. So you could go either way. We all have it in us and we don't have it in us all at the same time, depending on what coaches we get or don't get. So she has this life where now she's waiting and now mama's kicked off, and now she's going to move into mama's house. But that house isn't done. And that there's still. I think they added a bathroom to that house. But I had this conversation where they're like, we got a really sweet deal on a refrigerator. My stepdad was telling me, and I said, really? And he said, oh, yeah, Craigslist. And I said, oh, yeah? How's that work? Well, you know, $200. The guy was right here in Van Nuys. And they said, you know, nice couple. She was going to Chicago, he was going to Milwaukee. They were breaking up. They had other stuff for sale too. I'm like, you went into their apartment? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I don't know why I had to know. Was there food in the fridge? Like when you open it up?

[Bald Brian]

Please tell me. He did the thing the old people do where he's like, craigslist. You heard of Craigslist?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he didn't. He was probably thinking it and yeah. So, you know, I didn't have to drive too much further in Van Nuys. I went in these guys apartments. They had other stuff for sale too. They seemed like a nice couple. And I just thought that, all right, it's a good deal. It's still weird going into somebody's apartment who's getting divorced, you know, and they have to tell you their story, you

[Allison Rosen]

know, like cold, bad vibes in that refrigerator.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's just he was a chronic masturbator and there's just nothing we could do about. So we went our separate ways. So they have this, this thing and then at some point he lets this part slip out. He said, yeah, you know, you don't always want to go to the person's house, you know, like the guy I got my phone from. Now I'm all ears. The guy you got your phone from? Yeah, I met him at the 7:11. I mean, not in the 7:11. We met in the parking lot. You know, we're not animals. We met in the parking lot. So you met the guy who you bought your cell phone from in the parking lot of the 7 11? Yeah. Yeah. That's $10. That's a nice phone. He didn't know all you had to do was remove the chip and he had a new chip and so how'd that work? Well, you know the thing, it was funny, I forgot to ask the guy what kind of car he drove. So I was just standing out there in a 711 parking lot as everyone would come in.

[Bald Brian]

That is funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's good stuff. Gotta take a fucking shower with the world's biggest loofah. And it's like, yes, I was just standing out in that parking lot at 7:11 asking everybody if they're here to buy a cell phone. I was like, okay, that's $80 for me right there. Like you've just tacked on $100 to this experience. Let's keep going. The parking safe place. By the way, there's a good chance parking lot, the 711 would get robbed during the time you were there. Just the fact that it's a 711 in Southern California. Yeah. Every 14 or 15 minutes it gets robbed. So, you know, if you're going to be there for 20 minutes, statistically you're at a disadvantage. My stepdad got his cell phone from a dude on Craigslist Eddie met in the parking lot. To me. 711 parking lot. There are certain. We've talked about this before. I bought a used pickup truck. I feel fine about that. I wouldn't buy a used bar of soap, you know, used toothbrush. Toothbrush, that kind of stuff. A cell phone does fall a little bit into that intimate item thing. It's been pressed up against your flesh just a little bit too long.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a lot of your spittle that's been caught somewhere on it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not worried about the coot, but believe you me, no matter how much you wipe that thing down five years from now, if we needed to lift a little DNA off that bad boy, we could get yours. If there was some crime, some guy, you know, they found, started finding hookers in the 711 up around Sherman Way there, we could get some DNA off that bad boy.

[Allison Rosen]

What kind of. Is it? A new phone, even?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not the last iPhone, but it's not the. It's not the one that's not out yet. But, no, fuck. It's probably get smart shoe phone or something. I don't know what it is. I didn't want to ask. You know, I was like, you met a guy in a parking lot to buy a cell phone.

[Bald Brian]

If there was a conversational ejector button,

[Adam Carolla]

you would have been pressing it. Yes, I would have. I would have. Yes. I would have been hitting it over and over again. So that was a fun and lively discussion. And then I said. I said, you know, but sometimes you see those people that are selling stuff on Craigslist, you know, they're selling a DVD or something for like 99 cents. And my mom jumped in and said, yeah, sometimes you get lucky. And I said, no, no, I mean, all right, I can see we'll just agree to disagree here. So got the cell phone for. I said, john, did you offer. Did he want 15? You know, did you work your way down? Did you finish him off by the dumpster and get 5 off that bad boy? No, it was 10. 10 is what it was. Yeah. Going into. Look, I understand. Money's money. You want to save a few bucks. But going into someone's apartment, hearing the details about the relationship and why. I don't. This part. Here's my feeling. One of the things I enjoy about buying things and paying retail at a store, the guy who works at the Sears doesn't explain to me why they have to sell this stack, washer and dryer. See, when you buy something used and you go, you're selling this fridge. It's fucking Kenmore. It's only like 2 years old. I wish I could keep it. Yeah. Why is it going so cheap?

[Bald Brian]

Believe me, I wish. It fits there so nicely. And it's less than two years old. Beautiful, hardly used. I don't even like to feed.

[Adam Carolla]

It's retail for like 1100 bucks.

[Bald Brian]

I don't even like to feed people.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I think. Like, I see people selling cars all the time where they're like divorce forces. Okay, I didn't mean to get involved in your fucking personal life. I'm not gonna. I won't judge. I understand cars. Is everyone sitting down? On occasion. Are sold in a used form? Yeah. I don't sit around and go, what? Why? What's up? Haunted? Is it haunted?

[Allison Rosen]

Does it only turn left?

[Adam Carolla]

What happened that this car's not Good enough for your ass anymore? What'd you do? What's going on? No, I gotta hear details about your messy personal life and why. It's a lot of. Wife wants this divorce. Causes that I always love.

[Bald Brian]

That one just grew apart.

[Adam Carolla]

No, look, the car's fucking used and it's for sale. I'll ask questions like, how many miles does it have on it? Or is this the fifth owner or whatever it is, but I don't need to know all the particulars of the relationship.

[Bald Brian]

Is there a chance you guys can reconcile? You have a couple of kids after all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Jesus. When I was looking at that space heater and was your youngest Timmy, I was looking in his room at that space heater you got for sale. I looked up, I saw that Little League picture of him and I thought, he can't be happy about this development at all, can he? Yeah. Also, yeah. When you open it and you see a bunch of yogurt in the fridge and it's like, no problem with the bowels, huh? Yeah, I understand.

[Bald Brian]

Probiotic.

[Allison Rosen]

Then you have to say, but will you throw in the yogurt?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, stepdad bought his cell phone from a guy he met on Craigslist for $10 at a 7 11.

[Allison Rosen]

So much interaction with other humans involved in that story, it would make me

[Adam Carolla]

not want to do that at all. I want you to know who raised me. That's all I want you to know. Also, speaking of, it was a nice visit. My mom came by. We sat around by the pool and dressed, drank some coffee and talked about buying shit cheap on the Internet. And then also she wants. Now you see, she still wants my book. She's got to wait for that shit to come out on Craigslist. Listen, if anyone puts my fucking book on Craigslist, I'll kill you.

[Allison Rosen]

You'd be that woman who keeps calling in with books, who the F buys this at.

[Adam Carolla]

She wants my book. And I tell her, I don't have my book. I don't have it at my house. Which is true. I don't have a copy at my house. I have several copies here that I sign and put them in the store. I think there's 100 that I signed and that Ray signed his chapter signed as well, that we'll put up for sale. And there's some that we just give out and all that kind of stuff. But I don't have my book at my house. And that way I don't have to lie to my mom. But we're going on two months and my mom's like, I'd like to read that book. I always think to myself, there are. First, it's not Nazi Germany, and good luck. You're not hiding up in some attic somewhere. You get a used one on Amazon. Used. That's your favorite thing, right? On Amazon. And then I started thinking about. It's kind of. The point is, I think, partly mostly cheap. And then the other part is, hey, my son writes a book, he should give me a book. I shouldn't have to pay for the book. But then I always think about, I think everyone else's family just buy 10 books because they know it's part of the disconnect of not ever being involved with a private sector or working or anything. Like, don't you know Corollas that If you buy 10 books, I get. It helps me and it helps whatever the rank, even if it's a nickel a book, but it's the rankings and helps the deal toward the next book. They have to know.

[Bald Brian]

They have to understand it on somebody.

[Allison Rosen]

Sort of like asking to be on the guest list when the tickets are really cheap. I think they don't realize that it helps you if they pay for tickets.

[Adam Carolla]

No one in my family has the book or has purchased a book. And I don't think, yes, if you sat them down and poked them, they would do that math. But instinctively they're not doing it. I mean, and sort of conveniently, they don't want it. My mom doesn't want to pay for 10 copies of the book. That's the thing. But, yeah, you could explain that to them. But you could also explain. Yeah, you could explain anything to somebody and get them to understand it. The question is, do they sort of instinctually, inherently understand it? Answer, no, evidently. So now I'm in this weird place where I have to keep pretending like I can't get my own book. And then she's in this great place where she's never going to read the book unless I give her the book, but I'm never going to give her the book. So we got ourselves. We got a Mexican standoff here. Like, I don't know. I don't know how it works.

[Allison Rosen]

One of these days, Lynette's gonna walk in carrying the book, and it's gonna be slow motion. You're gonna be like, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, no. She's been briefed. She's been briefed. But one of her friends, maybe when the thing goes to paperback now, a week after it goes to paperback, when there's some used ones In a paperback form. One of her friends might buy one. But then why would you buy a book for the mom of the author? You see, I'm saying you would assume they had one. I have to figure this one out. It's a very interesting dynamic.

[Allison Rosen]

Would she actually read it, though, if she had it, or would she just say she's gonna read it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, she would read it.

[Bald Brian]

She read the chapters that are about you growing up, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, she would. My mom likes to read.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a reader and says she likes comedy and would read the book. My dad is a reader, but not a fan. So unclear, like, I don't know. And my sister, I never get a read on her, pardon the pun. I don't know if she's read it or has it or. It would never come up if she did. So my sister, family members, I don't know. I don't really know if my dad did. I've never had a discussion with him about it. Last book or this book. My mom did read the last book, so got that to look forward to. Thank you guys, by the way, because you're welcome.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, no problem.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing that's nice about the book thing is as we talk about. Book's one of those things where it either has legs or it doesn't. And when you come out with Marcia Brady's book, talking about her years of using cocaine on the set of the Brady Bunch and that kind of stuff, or Shannon Doherty's book, that stuff makes it to the airport bookstore, the Hudson book stand, it lasts two weeks, week and a half, and then it's gone. And then once it's gone, it's just gone. The nice thing about my books thus far, because of you guys, the thing that's been really nice is you guys have kept them going. You've never really shut the spigot off on it. And that's all just word of mouth. And that's evidenced by the fact that my book came out the same time that Baba Bowie's book came out and Unbearable Lightness came out, which is Portia de Rossi's book. I just told Mike to look this up. So we all came out. New York Times bestseller list, same time.

[Bald Brian]

It was your first book?

[Adam Carolla]

First book, sorry. In 50 years. Wallaby Chicks and Bubba Bowie was number six and Portia de Rossi was number three and I was number eight. So I was behind both of them a year and a half ago when our books all came out. And now if you look on Amazon and you look at the ranking on Amazon. You will find. You're moving now, Mike. Okay, I don't know what the rankings are.

[Allison Rosen]

Yours is now 8410.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, am I not seeing that?

[Allison Rosen]

It's very small. And it's under.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

Fooey's is number 2,070 6503.

[Adam Carolla]

So let me digest this for a second. Number 182. I'm at 8,000, which doesn't sound spectacular. But Bubba Bowie, who was ahead of me and came out the same week, is at 276,000. So that's quite a difference from a percentage standpoint. And Portia de Rossi's is 75.

[Allison Rosen]

75,000. 75,237.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll round up. So you see, and it goes on and on. There's these books again. They fall off a cliff. And you from being 20th to 21st to 250 something thousandth a year and a half on you guys, I'll look infrequently, it'll be 3,000, 4,000. Never really gets out of 10,000. Which, again, doesn't sound like you're taking the world by storm. But you can see where these books go after they come out. And it's you guys who sort of. It's only the tell a friend. It's not like my publisher's got some sort of campaign that's ongoing or the Bubba Booies got anything that's ongoing, or anyone has it, they just come out. And then either a friend tells a friend or a son buys it for his dad, or vice versa, or they just completely fall off a cliff. So thank you very much for that, and I think the new book will continue to do the exact same way. All right. Somebody was tweeting me as I was talking about Red dawn, the movie, and lamenting the fact that that didn't come out last week. Somebody said it is coming out. Somebody gave me one of those.

[Bald Brian]

The reboot you're talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, somebody gave me the story that made sense, which is whatever company was bought by Chinese company and they had to make the Chinese villains turn into North Korean villains. See, whenever there's one of those. What the fuck does that involve?

[Allison Rosen]

Recasting.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Plot adr.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, it's pretty. Makes sense, right? You go like, this is a $60 million movie. They did it three years ago. How come it's never come out? Well, somebody got bought by Chinese company, and they didn't want the Chinese being the ones who invaded. Makes sense. So they they swapped them out. Doesn't matter to me. I'm gonna be there, baby. That's right. Come hell and high water. See, it's not a or. It's not an or situation for me. Yeah, yeah. And by. By the way, if you spell or like an or, then high water is not such a big deal.

[Bald Brian]

Be boiling water. For sure. It was hell water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's hell and high water. I will be. I'll be watching me some of that.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a lot of dedication.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I have a little something called priorities. Oh, God damn. You guys would have. You would have loved this Larry David esque moment for me. So I've said it once, I'll say it again. It's all out of a movie. I can't write fast enough. And by the way, I'm not good enough comedically to come up with this kind of content. My maid's breast augmentation was botched.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. It's one of those California things. I've always lamented the fact you guys know how I'm wired, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Penn Jillette]

Yes. I mean.

[Bald Brian]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm honestly. Okay, here's what I'm saying. I have many, many expensive cars, and I don't own any convertibles. The only convertible I own is a race car. And the only time I we. When I'm wearing a full helmet and you have that wiener car, I got the wiener car. Hmm.

[Allison Rosen]

The hot dog car.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the hot dog car. Yeah, it's a convertible. I only crash that thing once a year. So I don't like convertibles because I feel weird driving around convertibles. Feel like people are looking at me and that kind of stuff. And I'm also one of those dudes that. I just hate strangers in my house. Like, if the gas man is doing the whatever down in the kitchen, I'll be upstairs. Tell me when he leaves. I don't. I don't have. It's not a phobia. I don't feel like going in and having that. We have to have a little exchange in the kitchen. If I just wait up for 15 minutes, he'll leave and we'll never have to have that forced exchange. Except for when you have kids and you have a house that's bigger than 2,000 square feet. Then you have a wife that delegates this stuff. You see, I thought it was going to be the kind of thing where I just got married and then I just went out and made a bunch of money. And then it was like I grew up watching Bewitched. That's what I thought it was going to be like. I didn't know. I thought it was just gonna be Dr. Bombay and Endora and all that. I didn't know there'd just be a team of Latin women running through my house all day long. And I've been on the road and working just about every weekend for the last three or four weeks. And Friday came around and I thought I got almost nothing to do today. I'm fucking happy about this. There's nothing I like more than putzing around in my bathrobe and sitting on ebay and looking at car parts and just doing whatever the fuck I want. I've earned it. I've been on the road working every weekend and I'm arranging meetings off Craigslist. That's right. Meeting guys and 711 parking lots, trying to get cell phones off them. So course the maid shows up and with the botched boob job and then she brings her, her muscle because of her physical situation, she now needs to bring another human being to help her do her job. And this other human being looks like Jack Black and Nacho Libre but with a little like not quite as good shape. And she male or female? Female.

[Bald Brian]

Female, question mark.

[Adam Carolla]

And then she brings her bucket headed 7 year old who's running all over the house and is upset tearing Sonny's Legos apart and all that kind of shit. And no matter what they're told or how many times they're told, they start in the kitchen, taking the kitchen apart. So when I come down into the kitchen, they're arguing in Spanish and I'm literally bumping into people. Like I'm doing the. Could you move? I got to get to the microwave. That you're blocked. You're standing in front of the coffee pot. You know, they're undoing the dishwasher sort of in front of the coffee pot. And it was like there's a living room and a hall and the hall that goes down there and a bathroom at the end of it and a fucking den at the very end. Could you go fucking hit that shit and leave the kitchen alone? Like can never get worked out. But you just have to smash cut to about 4 in the afternoon, me sitting in my office on my computer answering some tweets and, and this kid who I affectionately know is little Ricky, who's got one of those just big old bucket Mexican heads. And he's just sitting there on the chair right next to me just playing Sonny's video games. He's a sweet kid. It's not his fault. I don't want to, like, I can't tell him, hey, where's your mom? Like, get the fuck out of here.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I think by addressing his large bucket head, we realize the affection you have for him.

[Adam Carolla]

I just want to sit my fucking office. Can I sit my fucking office? What is this? You got to bring your fucking kids? And by the, as my buddy Kevin Hinch told me when I was complaining over dinner with him last night, it's like, look, I'm cutting you a check, baby, all right? And then what's daycare cost? Because this fucking kid's running all over my house all fucking day. So I'm just go ahead and deduct that from the fucking mix.

[Bald Brian]

I know the answer is I don't know, but is she charging you more for the second person?

[Adam Carolla]

This is a very good question. This is a very good question. This is a question that Kevin Hench asked me last night over dinner. And I said, you know what, Kevin? Even I don't want to know that. Even I, I who get involved with everything, I don't even want to know that. All I want is a little fucking peace and quiet. And so there's this thing. It's sad, but it's true. Back in the day, if the husband worked, then the wife did the whatever at the house and thus you didn't have the pack of marauding strangers in your house constantly. But now the husband works, the wife does not do that. I understand. That's where we're at. That's where we're at as a society. We've not fixed it. We've not closed the gap. No one's gonna say a fucking word. Everyone's completely pussy whipped. You'd be insane if I, if I said to a group, hey, I'm working all day, my wife should be cleaning and taking care. I'd be like, oh, you're fucking monster. I'd be a fucking burned at the stake like a fucking heretic. I really would. So we now have this thing. Well, because Kevin was explaining to me that his dog walker was an ex con and a maniac. And I'm like, that's nice. You have a dog walker, right? Sure, of course you have a dog walker. That's, that's what you do. You go out and then you get the dog walker and you get the nanny and you get the maids and then you get whatever their kids are. And by the way, you don't realize how deep these guys roll because then when so and so's sister's in from Guatemala. She's coming by and she's bringing mama. And it's, you know, before you know it, you're just surrounded by fucking people.

[Allison Rosen]

That really entertaining.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a great conversation. He's telling me about his dog walker. Awesome. The point is, is I'm not. Back in the day you didn't need a dog walker unless you had a wife. If you were both attorneys, then you had a fucking dog walker. Now yes, I'm not there yet.

[Bald Brian]

But cannot more than. Can one person not do more than one of these jobs, the dog walking and then a little dusting?

[Allison Rosen]

Hell no, Brian, come on now that's silly. Unions wouldn't allow it.

[Adam Carolla]

What ends up happening is the wives become traffic cops because they become like plant for plant managers because there's so many, there's so much fucking.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm going to wear a.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming through the house.

[Bald Brian]

She does this clipboard. Consuelo, you're on you for a 10 minute break. Take your mandatory 10 minute right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Uniform, then punch in. Don't punch in on your way in, get in your uniform. Then you punch in.

[Allison Rosen]

Hair net. Hair net. Hair net.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's true, it becomes a job. You have the gardener to deal with, you have this person to deal with. You have that to deal with. And look, honestly, you got you. I don't have a dog walker. But the point is you never thought you'd be dealing with all these people. And you don't realize these guys aren't the best and the brightest society has to offer. There's 43 year old dudes that are working as dog walker. So when you then have a conversation with said 43 year old dog walker, how do you think that's gonna go? First I got my MBA from Harvard and then it was. Well actually I'm not counting Peace Corps. I did a lot of work with those. I dug wells in Ethiopia and then I started my own, my own Internet company. Huge. And I sold that off. And then I.

[Allison Rosen]

When did the love of animals crop up?

[Adam Carolla]

Somewhere between prison and the methadone clinic. That's when I fell in love with walking dogs. So you get a lot of folks who you don't really want to talk to. And good news is you can't really talk to some of them because there's a language barrier. But you can actually communicate with their kids a little more and they're just fucking running around your house. And they'll be there for 11 hours. Now you can clear out, but I'm home for the first time in months. And I don't want to fucking clear out of my house. But, yeah, you should all get to that point.

[Allison Rosen]

How do your maid's boobs look?

[Bald Brian]

Boob?

[Allison Rosen]

Is that what happened? Is it a uniboob?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I had this moment where I was prepping a race car and I had. One of the guys has helped me work on the race car, and we're walking down some stairs looking through a piece of glass. And I have this moment twice a week now, looking through a piece of glass that has a big tint on it, so you can't see in, but we could see out very clearly. And as we were walking down these stairs, going to go work on my car, I saw buckethead holding, trying to twisting my doorknob from my back door. Obviously it'd been locked. It was dead bolted. Twisting it and banging his shoulder into it. Like, twisting it and banging his shoulder and twisting it and sort of banging his, like, fighting with it. Like. Like he was, like, trying to pull the knob off it and banging his bucket head against it. And I just said, rob, don't ever get too successful because you can look forward to this. This is what you can look forward to. A life filled with this. And he said, well, I want to make money. And I said, yeah, yeah, just not too much because this, this will be your life. This will be your life. Bunch of fucking strange people running around your house, all. God arguing in Spanish. It's awesome. All right, where the fuck were we, huh? Pencilett on the fucking phone yet? Oh, Pen's online one. Oh, were you telling me that. No, he just picked up. I mean, like, literally, as I said it, he did it. Oh, Penn. Oh, Pen, Good. Good to speak to you. Penn. Penn Sunday School.

[Penn Jillette]

Yes, I am here to receive the Worst Father in the World award.

[Adam Carolla]

Please tell us.

[Penn Jillette]

I was watching the wizard of Oz with my children in our little home theater, and just as the flying monkeys came and my children became clutching at me, I said, hey, guys, I gotta leave to call Adam Carolla, but I'll be right back.

[Adam Carolla]

They're traumatized, I'm sure. By the way, Penn Sunday School is on our network. New episodes every Sunday. You can find it and subscribe to it on itunes. I recommend it highly. I was just talking to someone about you the other day, Penn. They were saying about all. They're talking about cool things to do in Vegas. And they said, oh, have you been to Penn Jillette's house? And I said, I did. When he was building it or he was adding an addition onto it, but not since it's been finished. So you do owe me a tour. Next time I'm out that way.

[Penn Jillette]

I sure do. You gotta, you gotta. You gotta come by. You do shows here now and again. One of the children that were over for kind of a play date, their mom was telling me how much she loved Adam. Carolla. And she saw you last time you were here, where were you? At the House of Hard Rock or House of Blues?

[Adam Carolla]

House of Blues, yeah.

[Penn Jillette]

She was saying how great you were. She just loved every second of you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. I love that there's fans out there, by the way. The show is at the Rio Casino in Vegas, and that is Saturdays through Wednesdays. Tickets, penandteller.com Penn, how long have you and Teller been together? You must be going on 25, 30 years almost.

[Penn Jillette]

I believe it's 38.

[Adam Carolla]

Holy shit.

[Penn Jillette]

It's all I've ever done in my life. I went from getting out of high school. Notice I don't say graduated, getting out of high school. Right. To working with Taylor.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing that amazes me about you two, most teams when they've been together, even when you're talking about marriages, business partners, especially partners who perform on stage together, when you ask them 10 years on and especially 30 years in, what do you think of your partner, you get a. The person usually looks around a little bit and then says, you profess your love for Teller all the time and say he's a genius and say he's the greatest. And that's very rare, is it not?

[Penn Jillette]

Well, the major thing is that there's an absence of love. It's all just respect. We've never really had a friendship type relationship. It's always been respect. And I think respect is a much stronger emotion than affection. I think that Lennon and McCartney fell in love with each other, and when they started to not get along, it was heartbreaking. But Teller and I was much more like an Internet relationship where you talk about ideas. So, you know, even when we don't get along, we still feel like we do better shows together. I mean, he's never late for anything. And this is a rare thing to say. So many people say this kind of stuff, but this is actually true. In our case, I put my life in his hands every night. I mean, we do the Bullet catch, which killed 13 people. And it's completely safe the way we do it, but only if we both do everything right, and he does things perfectly. So if you have someone that for 38 years never screws up is always on time. If you don't get along with them for a second, it's pretty hard to get too upset.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, this is an interesting point that in our society, and I don't know how you're wired. You tell me. I'll tell you how I'm wired. People do a lot of like, do you like this person? Do you love that person? You got to love your work. You have to love your co workers. You have to love going in every day, or you have to love this guy, love that guy. And it's like, I always feel like, no, you don't. You have to not be made miserable by these people. You have to respect them and you have to sort of respect your work, and then you can go do something. I agree with you that once you start loving, like the day I fall in love with Mike lynch is the day I'm gonna be disappointed by something he did or take something personally that he did when I shouldn't be taking it personally.

[Penn Jillette]

You know, it's only been the past hundred years that love has ever been considered something besides just goofy, you know, not something to base your life around. Always something. One of the great things about the movie Psycho by Hitchcock is that everything bad in it happens because of love. The villain in Psycho is love. And I think it's a very, very dangerous emotion. I think respect and interest and all those things are much, much more, much more powerful and less mysterious. Now, I'm not saying that love isn't. Isn't wonderful, but for a business relationship, you're going to work at a 711 with a guy, which is essentially the relationship I have with Teller. You know, it's best to just have a guy that you're okay seeing, but you're not dying to see the next day. And hanging on every word. You know, that way when things aren't going perfectly, it's just kind of a shrug. And there also, no, there are no huge threats. You don't have anybody that will tell a story about Penn and Teller backstage splitting up or screaming at each other. The worst you'll ever get from us is a little bit of pouting.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. And you know, people, I think, just to put a finer point on it, with love, I think I always feel like people hide behind it a lot. You know, there's the dad who hasn't been in the kid's life since the kid was three and he moved to Florida and he started a new family, and child support payments dried up years ago, and so did the Christmas cards. But at some point when they're reunited, when the kid's 19, the dad gets to say, you know, I always loved you. I never stopped loving you. And somehow that's supposed to make the last 16 years of neglect and abuse just go up in a puff of love smoke? Who gives a shit if you loved him over the last 16 years? How about a fucking card? How about payment toward college? How about something. It doesn't mean yes.

[Penn Jillette]

I had a really good friend. I love this story. A really good friend who was. He rode with a motorcycle gang called the Huns.

[Adam Carolla]

You love this story or you respect the story?

[Penn Jillette]

Certainly respect the story. And he, you know, for those of you who don't know, the Huns were the ones that stole a million dollars in arms from the Black Panthers in 1968 and then sold them back to them. Bad motorcycle guy, right? And he was in prison and in the hospital for 15 years. And he had a daughter that he saw the day she was born and did not see her again until she was 19.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Penn Jillette]

And she came out to visit him, and he was doing that. You know, I never stopped loving you, even though I didn't really remember your name.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, sure.

[Penn Jillette]

And she brought her boyfriend with her from Florida to where he was in California. And she made a mistake that no woman makes more than once. And no man makes more than once. And that is the mistake of leaving your date alone with your parents, leaving your boyfriend alone with your parents. We've all had one girlfriend do that to us when we were 17. They were in the room. She left the room. We were there alone. From then on, if we were ever around parents with a girlfriend, we held onto them. We would not let go of them. But she makes this mistake and says to my biker, evil friend, you know, he says to her, well, why don't I take Bob and we'll go to the 711 and get some chips? And she says, okay. So now this guy, whose girlfriend has not seen her father for 19 years, but now he has to prove his love, jumps in the car. They're in the car together, and my friend turns to him and says, listen, I love my daughter. I love my daughter. Let me tell you something. I know guys fuck around, and I know relationships fall apart. And I know that you'll probably break up with her or she'll break up with you, and I don't give a fuck. But I want to tell you one thing. Thing. You're always straight with her. You don't do shit behind her back. You don't around on her. You tell her the truth. Because if you don't, I love her. And if you don't, I quit my job. My job becomes hunting you. I've always thought that was the greatest lie I've ever heard anywhere. I quit my job. My job becomes.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of jobs, I forgot about the whole Celebrity Apprentice. And you were, I think, the first person picked on Team Aiken, and I was the first person picked on Team Arsenio. Your team raised about twice as much as our team raised, and then you guys put on a hell of a show, and we put on a comedy show. Maybe it's an apples and oranges comparison, but your show seemed like it had a couple more layers to it than ours, considering. Arsenio just kept saying to me, just do stand up for four minutes and get off the stage. You know? And I called him literally in his room that night, and I said, like, what if we did a roast or something? Like, you know, something with a theme to it. And he said, adam, relax. Just do stand up. We'll all just do stand up, and that'll be that. And so you guys did a show that seemed dimensional and layered and entertaining, and then all the murals and the whole. The whole nine yards. So I found that you guys doubled our fundraising efforts. I found that your show, even if it was apples and oranges, at least a tie, and I would give the nod to you guys. And then I found the setting for your last night to be very. To Trump, ours, pardon the pun, but with the entertainment and the theme and all that. So I was happy that Arsenio picked me first and was sort of rooting for him, but was completely prepared to accept the defeat. And then Trump called his name and said that he won. I was shocked. Were you as shocked as I. As I was?

[Penn Jillette]

I was. I must say that, yes. I loved your four minutes of standup and everything else I have to say to someone who runs the ACE Network, which my show is on. All that having been said in all proper respect to a good friend of mine, Adam Carolla, we were wicked better than you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I mean, we didn't even rehearse. We just did. I just went home and wrote my act, and everyone just went home and did their act. I wrote a couple jokes for Paulie Sr. But that was about it, you guys.

[Penn Jillette]

Which he didn't do right.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys were better. So why didn't you win and how surprised were you out on that stage for the finale? I feel like everybody involved was surprised.

[Penn Jillette]

I was completely gobsmacked and then I looked over at the people who know more about reality shows than I do, which is like everybody. And they said, oh, no, no, of

[Adam Carolla]

course he was gonna win.

[Penn Jillette]

Oh, of course. We knew that for weeks. I went, what?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Penn Jillette]

You know, I had no idea. There's, there's. There's a whole kind of culture and way this thing builds that I have no idea what really makes it tick. But others were not surprised. But I was a bit surprised. And, you know, the fact is that we're trying to thrust rules upon a game which the only rules of this game is Donald Trump does whatever he wants. And if Donald Trump does whatever he wants is the rules, you can't be surprised by anything.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I still was. And the ladies. But it's true, I shouldn't be. But the ladies were convinced that the fix was it.

[Penn Jillette]

Yeah, they were. And I think I'm not that cynical. You know, I'm not a cynical guy at all. And I don't think there's any reason to have a fix in. I mean, if you're talking about an election, if you're talking about the super bowl, there's a reason to have a fix in.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Penn Jillette]

You're Talking about a TV show that's doing, you know, 10 million a week on a good week and is a two hour show. They're filling up the time and it's all going well. There's no reason to assume conspiracy. I mean, it's not a Watergate situation. So I still have to say that I believe that Donald Trump thought about it and maybe, you know, Donald Trump wanted to be the kind of guy who picked Arsenio as opposed to the kind of guy who picked Clay or maybe he did something. But I really believe that the producers are completely honest, and I believe that Donald Trump does make the decision and just pulls it out of his ass. And that's what makes the show interesting. They will tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't think. And you can corroborate this story that when Patriots owner Robert Kraft was going to come into the room backstage and we were all standing there in the bullpen, I think it was me and it was you and it was George and it was D. And I can't remember if there was another person who knew nothing about sports in that group. When Trump poked his head in and said, I got a treat for you people. I'm gonna bring my buddy Bob Kraft in here. Let me go get him. And then he left. I looked at everyone's face. You have no idea who Bob Kraft is. Well, you don't know who Robert Kraft is, much less Bob Kraft. Right. You didn't know. George did not know. Then there was D. D did not know. And there may have even been a fourth person. Paul Senior did not know Paul Senior. It was a perfect. It was like you found somebody. There are guys out there that don't follow sports, but you had the representative from each different group of guys that don't follow sports. Like, you had the magic nerd. You had the gay guy. You had even. Maybe even Lou didn't know it. I don't know yet. You have the rock and roll guy, and then you had the biker guys. When the biker guys aren't into gearheads, aren't into sports either. You had all four of these guys, like, from all different walks of life and all they did all different colors, everything. Not a one of them. And they're all super intelligent guys. All of them. All of them knew something about everything. When he said, I'll be back with Bob Kraft, everyone looked at each other. And I realized I'm the only human being in this room who knows what he's talking about. Yes. That is the great Robert Kraft.

[Penn Jillette]

And I also love. I love that your way of telling us who he was was to simply go from nickname to real name. He means Robert Kraft.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Penn Jillette]

Thank you, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Penn Jillette]

Well, he could have done that work on our own.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. But I was. I was momentarily confused, too, with the Bob. And then so I. I internalized it. I was like, if I was confused by Bob Kraft, then you guys are confused by Bob Kraft. But I didn't realize that George does not follow the NFL as closely as I'd like him to.

[Penn Jillette]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Penn Jillette, the show, of course, Penn's Sunday School. New episodes every Sunday. Subscribe on itunes. You go to our website, you can check it out that way. Tickets, by the way, for Penn and Teller can just be found at penn and teller teller.com Rio in Vegas. Great to see you, or great to speak to you, Penn. And hopefully I'll be in Vegas and I'll come say hi to you soon.

[Penn Jillette]

Please do. Always a pleasure, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. The great Penn Jillette, everybody. All right, I forgot. It made me laugh because I was trying to think of the fourth. Yeah, Pauly. I mean, Robert Kraft is one of the most, I'd say, probably in the owner department, second to Jerry Jones was a billionaire. Well, he's a billionaire, so people kind of know billionaires, number one. Number two, he's been in six of the last, like, eight Super Bowls. So it's been Super Bowls watched by 200 million people around the world.

[Bald Brian]

And there's pizza commercials of people holding up the trophy. Half the time, it's Robert Kraft.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And during the course of the super bowl that gets 57 million Americans watching, they cut to him up in the luxury box 25 times, and they go, that's owner Robert Kraft. So the idea that I was in a group, I was in New York, you know, it wasn't like, we're in Tanzania or something, and these were all males and none of them. But it was perfect because nobody cares about sports less than Penn. Except for maybe George, except for maybe Polly, except for maybe Dee. That was it.

[Allison Rosen]

If only I had been there to represent the women who don't watch sports then.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, sadly, if there was a woman in there, we would have given her. All right, you don't want to, but these are, like, three and a half straight dudes. All right, write that down. New sitcom idea coming to abc. All right, let's give a little love to one of our sponsors. Go to my PC. Oh, man. You don't want to be stuck in that office all summer long.

[Allison Rosen]

It's hot. Smells.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, humanity. You can hit the road, baby. Go to the beach. How about you hit the beach and you pop out your iPad, your iPhone, and you get right onto that computer? Right at work in that dank office. That's right. Go to my PC, brought to you by Citrix. You can do it. Bring your laptop, wherever, whenever. Doesn't matter. Mac or PC, it'll work on both of them. It'll work on multiple computers. If you have a Mac at home and a PC at work, you could do both of them. Ooh, I love that. Go to my PC, brought to you by Citrix. You can try it out for 45 days. That's right, 45 days free. Try it out. Use the promo code Adam. Visit. Go to my PC. You could get to your computer right now. Oh, the airport, baby. Wherever you are, go to my PC.com, click on the Try it free button. And remember, use the promo code adam. All right, Dr. Spaz is out there. He's got his pile of papers. I'm sure.

[Allison Rosen]

The other day I said, when we were backstage at Irvine, I dropped some papers and I said, I'm turning into Dr. Spaz.

[Adam Carolla]

Big pile that comes in the nut newspapers. It's so nutty.

[Bald Brian]

Professional.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll be at the John Lovitz Theater. Will be coming up this Saturday, August 11th. That's right, it's this Saturday already.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

God damn. Christ. Also, I'll be doing some stand up comedy at the Sunset Center. And Carmel gonna be doing the car race during the day and then out doing the comedy at night. So you check that out. Check out both of them. Tampa, Orlando, that is August 25th and August 26th with Dennis Prager. You can go to. Go to our website and check it out if you want to see any of that. Allison Rosen is your new best friend. Available now on our app and itunes. Guest for today's episode, Greg Probst. Everybody loves some Greg Probst. And live show this Thursday at Nerd Melt. Pete Holmes. Everyone loves Pete Holmes.

[Allison Rosen]

They love him.

[Adam Carolla]

And Michael, is it Rosas?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, Michael Rosas, musician. And we actually have a little bit of one of his songs.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we'll play it. Can I talk while he does that?

[Penn Jillette]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I'm smitten.

[Allison Rosen]

Just wait. You'll be more smitten. And then it'll be stuck in your head and then you'll hate this.

[Adam Carolla]

An evening with me, by the way. And Dennis Prager. Available. Available now through our store in itunes. Duet he doesn't have to do. He's just solo with this, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he is in a band as well, but he's. When he does my show, he just plays solo.

[Adam Carolla]

Currently number one on the spoken word, by the way, and number five on the billboard comedy chart. So five on Heat Seekers. No one can tell me what that is, but it sounds cool. It's hot. Yeah, it's hot. All right. So all that to look forward to. Tickets and [e-mail] and we'll take a quick break. Back Dr. Spaz. Now let's check Adam's voicemail.

[Graham Parker]

Hey, Adam, Rick here.

[Penn Jillette]

Working over here at your favorite airport, McCarran Airfield.

[Adam Carolla]

I was just wondering, does Natalia, your daughter, you've told you said she's kind of a showboater.

[Penn Jillette]

Does she get upset or is she

[Adam Carolla]

aware of Sunny's ringtone? Yeah, it's just a waste of my time.

[Penn Jillette]

Is she aware that he's got that? And does she want her own ringtone or her own little catchphrase?

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, listen, enjoy the show.

[Penn Jillette]

Big fan. Take care. Hope to see you in Vegas soon. Bye.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's not a fan of him getting all this ink. You know the name Sonny. Carolla gets ink, but she's so caught up in her own shit.

[Dr. Bruce]

She gets so much attention.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she can't let him go 10 seconds without her jumping in the Middle of anything. It's just a waste of my time.

[Graham Parker]

She's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, And I'm pissed at him because he's got this basketball league he plays in on Saturday. And the younger you are, the earlier you start. So he's the youngest one. So they start at 8, 8:15, 8:30. And later on, you see, I don't know. Should be the other way around. Because the kids. The younger your kids are, the more you're up, like in the middle of the night with them. They have bad dreams and shit like that. They get sick and whatever. I hate this now. I'm not a morning person. I never was. But, I mean, your first day of vacation, basically, and you got to go down and watch a kid not scoring in baskets. Yeah, but that's. That's.

[Dr. Bruce]

And who is it that's up at night with your kids? Is it you or me?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's you.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I have a piece of rebar

[Dr. Bruce]

with your name on. I'm gonna stick up here. I give advice, you know, coveted medical advice that I give to the Corolla family. And then I hear in the background, ah, just start it tomorrow. Start the medicine tomorrow when it's going well.

[Adam Carolla]

Dr.

[Dr. Bruce]

Brew said, Listen, they're looking a lot better. This is no problem. We're not going to go out tonight and get. It makes me feel just really like a valued health professional.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, because it's like. It's one of these. It's one of these things. The thing that makes me Mom's, you know, good. The reason Lynette's a good mom is Lynette's a literalist. If the doctor says, no eating after midnight because you have to go in for the procedure tomorrow morning, and she sees one of the kids or me or Molly or whoever, whatever, taking a swig of tap water, 12:05, she'll slap the glass out of your hand. And I just go, listen, sweetie, you don't understand. First off, they only say that so you don't piss yourself. They don't give a fuck. And secondly, believe me, I've taken a peek behind the curtain. I realized that everybody's an idiot and everyone's horrible at their job.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm talking about you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Even physicians. And I get a lot of, like. I get a lot of like. My therapist says that you're not. And I'm like, that's. That's okay. All right? But I'm smarter than your therapist, and she's just fucking. Well, she's the genius. Because she's hammering my check Telling you what an asshole I am. But I understand the ultimate. The ultimate business. But I mean, you realize unless you fly a. No, an F4 off a carrier deck. I know you're an idiot. That's number one. It took me a while to figure out that no one knows what the fuck they're doing. But now I figured out that. I used to just think cab drivers didn't know what the fuck they're doing. Turns out everyone doesn't know what the fuck they're doing. And then I realized they just make a lot of rules. Like no liquids past midnight. As I said, when I got my hernia surgery, it was. It was at five in the afternoon. And I got the no liquids past midnight thing. Well, listen, Copernicus, do you have to fucking. Well, this seriously. Eight surgery at 8:00am versus surgery at 5:00pm no, same midnight cutoff time. What the fuck are you talking about?

[Allison Rosen]

Not only that, if you have to have emergency surgery, are they gonna be like, wait, have you had a sandwich? Okay, we're gonna let you die?

[Dr. Bruce]

Hey, whose side are you on?

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway?

[Allison Rosen]

I go.

[Adam Carolla]

But so what happens is Bruce gets on the other line. He says to my wife, oh, no, no, no, no. Natalia's got the pink eye and you got to get the medication tonight. And then lynette goes, It's 12, you know. No, it's 10:15. And I gotta call the all night whatever down in Burbank and whatever. And I just go tomorrow morning, call then tonight and then tomorrow. Just tell Olga to go get it on her way up and she'll start the treatment tomorrow morning. She's. But Bruce told me to go out and she's getting all revved up and all fired up, and she's gonna go do it.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah. And I'm on the phone at 10:30 at night in the ER, yelling in the hallway on my cell phone, the guy that can't speak English. And next day, didn't get the prescription. Right. Or didn't get it at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's right.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's how I found out. I wouldn't have found out, but I had to call it in again. Yeah. And I was upset.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Olga showed up the next morning. She didn't have it. Cause it wasn't ready. I don't know if you got that part either. It wasn't.

[Dr. Bruce]

No, they didn't get the prescription. Which I had witnesses. They're all laughing at me.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you doing? What do I say? Anyway, everyone's a fuck up. No. Right. So just sleep it off. Everyone Just sleep it off.

[Dr. Bruce]

You've gotten more aggressive and assertive in your medical. Your false bravado, like you'd be a surgeon if you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like I used to tell. I still doctor Drew all the time. Look, I get an ingrown hair or zit or something, I'll just lance it, you know? And he'll go, what?

[Graham Parker]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

And I'll go, yeah, fucking lancet. And I don't even sterilize the needle. I just have a needle in my drawer. If I got ingrown hair or something, I'll just pick it out. Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

We tried to restrain you from lancing your daughter's sty.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like. I was close.

[Dr. Bruce]

It was close.

[Adam Carolla]

I was close. I'm handy. The point is this. Until I get gangrene, then I'm gonna continue doing it because I've been doing this my whole life. I don't get food poisoning. I eat shit off the floor all the time. I lance my own stuff. Nothing ever happens. That's why you lump on your ass, though.

[Dr. Bruce]

I was thinking I. I was going to just be very, very. This is my. This is my success.

[Adam Carolla]

Lump on my ass.

[Allison Rosen]

He was going to plant a flag in the lump on your ass, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

That's no lump. That's called your scrotum, okay? No, you mean when I tore. When I tore my hip muscle or whatever it was. Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, I was hanging black crepe in my mind thinking this was the end.

[Adam Carolla]

This was when I held an MRI or whatever.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, we got an mri.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, guess what. Guess who won the Toyota Grand Prix three days later.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's called anecdotal.

[Adam Carolla]

It's called anecdotal means you're intestinal fortitude.

[Dr. Bruce]

Anecdotal and narcissist means you think you're a great healer, a great surgeon.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just know everything is. Here's all I know.

[Allison Rosen]

So much love in this room.

[Adam Carolla]

We've created a society where everything's a 10 and there's no more twos or threes anymore. So there's a lot of. Like, I get it at home all the time. Like, I gotta go out and get a can of dog food for Molly. Why? Because Molly has to eat a can and a half of dog food before she gets her insulin shot. And I go, what do we got? Well, we just have one can. Just let her eat the one can then. And give her, you know. Give her a couple ccs less than you. No, she's supposed to get a can and a half and Then I give her the insulin and I'm like, you're go out in the middle of the night and find a fucking can of dog food for Molly. Just let her eat the one can and then just lower the dosage a little bit. It's not fucking science. And it is, but it's not. I know what it is. I know she can eat the one can. And instead of giving her 15cc's or whatever, we'll give her 13cc's or 12 and that'll be that, and she'll be fine. Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

Okay, just.

[Adam Carolla]

Am I right or am I right?

[Graham Parker]

You are.

[Adam Carolla]

You are. But no, I understand what mothers. Mothers are wired this way because that's how they're supposed to be wired. They're not supposed to look at their kids and go, eh, I can wait until Monday. You know, in reference to your book,

[Dr. Bruce]

I found it interesting. It's a study on recurring shoulder instability injuries in athletes. Thinking about your shoulder dislocation and looking at recommendations for the best treatment, and I just thought of your family and your milieu at the time this occurred. As with all return to competition decisions, a team approach that includes the athlete, his or her parents and family, athletic training staff, team positions, coaching staff.

[Allison Rosen]

I felt like we were missing something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, me too bad he's got good lenses, but real bad frames. Some call him Bruce, but there's another name. We call him Doctor. We call him Dr. F. He'll put a finger up your ass. No, it's. Bruce is referring to my shoulder being out of socket for four days.

[Dr. Bruce]

Did you catch that, though? That the team of care, caring people in this.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's how my rehab went. I'm playing Pop Warner football this year. No, you're not. Fuck you. You don't have a son. All right, go ahead and play. That's how it went.

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, it was well described in the book. I enjoy that section. Okay, and just to get down to some serious.

[Adam Carolla]

You said there's an abortion at your work today.

[Dr. Bruce]

No, a miscarriage.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, miscarriage.

[Dr. Bruce]

And the pain, just going from the pain of telling a couple that's nature's abortion.

[Adam Carolla]

How does that work? How does that work, the miscarriage? Well, you know, in nature, a third

[Dr. Bruce]

of implanted, you know, the fertilized egg doesn't work. So in the old days, people would have. People would have period and not know

[Adam Carolla]

that this was actually the ethnicities I'm thinking up later. Go ahead.

[Dr. Bruce]

And so the way it works, somebody comes in, they know they're pregnant. They're very sensitive tests. People Know they're pregnant four or five weeks and they start having some bleeding and you start.

[Adam Carolla]

But this isn't what's coming out. Six weeks.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, it's coming out. I mean, you're talking about, you know, sometimes size of it, but it's still very traumatic, so. And this is also traumatic. There's a case, I don't know if Allison, you picked this up in the News of a. A dog left in a car out in the.

[Allison Rosen]

I did not.

[Dr. Bruce]

In Coachella Valley. But it was a veterinarian that left the dog in the car in the heat.

[Penn Jillette]

Really?

[Dr. Bruce]

Police were called. Broke the window, took.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sweet irony. Can I say this about these firemen and or cops, they fucking love pulling that chainsaw out and pulling the ax out. Busting through shit all the time. Like I said, one of my buddies, Tom, when his warehouse caught on fire. When I used to do work out in Chatsworth, his warehouse didn't catch on fire. His neighbor's warehouse caught on fire because his neighbor got in a blowout, the old lady, and fell asleep in the camper that he kept in his wood shop. And then he was smoking and drinking. And when I showed up, I said, tom, why is your door sawed open and your roof sawed open? He's like, fireman thought it was his. They tore open the other guy's shop, but they also tore open like you have a license to bash things open and knock stuff down and stuff. And every tow truck driver has a Slim Jim. And I'm not talking about the delectable snack that's made of cow intestine. I'm talking about just a fucking slim. You slide it down between the door and the window, you poke around a little and you pop the door open. You don't have to go bashing windows in. I think they like it and I think it's the punitive part of you either starting a fire or locking something in your car. Well, I know this is one of your pet peeves. I thought it would be great to

[Dr. Bruce]

have a sticker to put on your classic cars that says something about, in case of life threatening accident, please do not damage my car. Yeah, let me die.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted to have those stickers in my window for the porn when I was, you know, living alone. Yeah, you know, let the firemen know. There's a pretty sizable collection here and start with that.

[Dr. Bruce]

So this guy was arrested.

[Bald Brian]

What would you use for adhesive?

[Dr. Bruce]

Arrested, thrown in jail. There's a $500 fine and, or a six month jail penalty for this.

[Adam Carolla]

But in this country. No other country gets blocked. But truly, Maxwell would be a hero. Truly hailed as a hero.

[Allison Rosen]

Didn't he lose his veterinarian license or something?

[Adam Carolla]

They'd give him the keys to the city if they had keys. I'm sure he got drunk and lost their keys. This is like 29, you know that happened in Tijuana. True story.

[Dr. Bruce]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

The mayor got drunk and lost the keys of the city and they were all locked out. That's true.

[Bald Brian]

They had signs up on telephone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're all looking for the keys.

[Bald Brian]

Didn't have telephone.

[Adam Carolla]

Eventually stepdad bought them off a dude in a 711 market.

[Allison Rosen]

If only they had a gigantic dish to put them in.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was tough because their local soccer team had won. The guy kicked the winning goal, was going to get the key to the city. But they now they'd lost the keys to the city. What happens when you go out and you get drunk? Tijuana. Where were we?

[Dr. Bruce]

Leaving children in cars. Still something that happens all too frequently. People think, I'll just be in for a minute. But the temperature in the car, 150, 160 degrees, very quick. So please send people, please.

[Adam Carolla]

I have said this a fucking million times and it drives me nuts. And all the technology, as I was saying on stage the other night, I was driving the new Audi on the way out to Irvine and it actually applied the brake for me. I mean, that's technology. Not only are there anti lock brakes, but there's a sensor that decides I'm coming up on slowed traffic too quickly and literally applies to brake for me. Okay, can we figure out a fucking technology that keeps that car under 119 degrees inside the car when it's out in the Burbank Costco parking lot for four hours when I'm in there buying shit? Do you know what I'm saying?

[Dr. Bruce]

You can buy that technology.

[Adam Carolla]

We can. Yes, we can. And yes, it's not that hard to do. Your car has an air conditioning system. Now, look, there's a pump that needs to be run, there's an auxiliary battery that need to be hooked up and pumps are run off the crank and it takes a little bit to run the pump and all kinds of stuff. And I understand there's some logistics here, but if you have yourself an $80,000 car, or even better yet, $175,000 car, wouldn't that be the best extra two grand you've ever spent that you would get in your car after spend fucking park? And by the way, how many lives, how many lives would we save each year? Because there's always a certain amount of kids that perish this way and also a certain amount of pets that perish this way. And it would take a little while because these cars would have to become used and bought by the drunkards who leave their fucking kids in the car. They're not going out and buying loaded Audis as soon as they come off the ship. I understand that, but really, the notion of even if you own a $200 Bentley, you climb inside that with the black leather interior, the black on black parked out front of the Burbank Costco in July, and you're gonna be sweating your rich white ass off all the way the fuck home, and you're gonna burn. You have to put a fucking towel down. So you're really. We can't figure this out. We can't. And again, all the things where it's like these wipers turn on automatically. I don't need that. I can fucking handle turning the wipers on when it's raining.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what doesn't work? That big flappy foil thing that you put in the dash to prevent the sun from coming in.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the thing. Every. You have a black metal box oftentimes. And black dash and black interior. You should not get a black interior and a black car. But everyone loves a black car. And Matt the porcelain Punisher, finally, he's got a black on black on out there. And even if. And it's metal so you can fry an egg on the roof or the hood, even if the ambient temperature in the middle of Burbank in August at the Costco, on the blacktop at noon, if the ambient temperature is 98 degrees, the coolest your car could be is 107 on the inside. I mean, that's the coolest. I mean, even if you put up all the shades and crack the window and all that kind of shit, it's still going over. The sheet metal box is still going to be hotter than whatever. And considering you could still burn your hand on the hood when you get home to your house, there's a lot of heat that's retained in the metal. So instead of just a ventilation system or shade system or something like that, we need air conditioning that fucking comes on and it needs to be run off a battery and it needs a separate motor and it needs a thermostat hooked up to it. It's. It's a little bit of something something, but so is applying a brake when I don't apply it.

[Dr. Bruce]

So the fireman comes the car, is

[Adam Carolla]

complaining about this for fucking years.

[Dr. Bruce]

Air conditioning's on, kids locked in the car. Are the firemen gonna break out the windows?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's playing video games and he's enjoying himself.

[Dr. Bruce]

I say this, they'll break the windows.

[Adam Carolla]

Put his hoodie on.

[Dr. Bruce]

All right, and this is for you, Adam. We're gonna save you some kidney stones iced tea. A big culprit in. I know your love of iced tea,

[Adam Carolla]

you rhubarb pie lemming apologists out there. This fucking, as I've said, this, this, this goddamn passion fruit iced tea. This is your crystal knock. This is your wake up fucking call. And you guys all turn the blind eye, all ya. Even, even some fucking Benedict Arnold Palmers who say they prefer it. You people. By the way, first off, why don't you just announce your retard when you tell me you prefer this iced tea, this potpourri flavored shit, to regular iced tea. You're just a fucking idiot. You're just an idiot. All right, so number one, this is what's happening. And now again, it spilled into my pasta, my chicken parmesan on the airplane. We're totally fucked. We've outsmarted ourselves and it's going everywhere, it's bleeding everywhere. In England. Somebody tweeted me from England that they have the passion fruit iced tea in fucking England where they invented the shit.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's inexcusable. But this is sort of my attempt at a backdoor entry into the drink more water camp. I've sort of been. I've sort of been absorbed into that camp. Drinking insufficient amount of food is the most common cause of kidney stones. And in this country, tremendous amount of iced tea consumption in the summer months.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

Which has.

[Adam Carolla]

Not anymore. I mean not with the fucking passion fruit, but in the south where they

[Dr. Bruce]

still get regular one restaurant, restaurant especially, that's got that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, all of them in Southern California, all of them have the fucking passion fruit. And you don't get a choice. You just get passion fruit.

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, interestingly enough, real lemonade with more citrates in it decreases your chances of getting kidney stones. So vary what you drink. Chocolate is an offender. Spinach, rhubarb. Watch your rhubarb pie, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Dr. Bruce]

And less salt and meat. I see a lot of kidney stones in all, all months of the year. But most people, when you talk to them, quite a few of them will

[Adam Carolla]

describe salt meat, especially in this climate.

[Allison Rosen]

Spinach.

[Dr. Bruce]

Spinach.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so, but anyway, look, it's

[Dr. Bruce]

very painful, kidney stones. You know, you get one of those things in your ureter and you're begging for the morphine.

[Adam Carolla]

The problem with the thing is, when you're drinking iced tea, you think you're hydrating all, but you're not, right?

[Dr. Bruce]

You're not only not hydrating, you get the oxalates which cause the crystallization and you get a diuretic, so you get

[Adam Carolla]

a little more dehydrated. Well, my soda water consumption has gone up tenfold because none of these motherfucking restaurants have iced tea anymore.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dr. Bruce]

Lots of other good stuff. Sexual orientation studies and studies that are being done looking at pupil dilation. I am so disgusted by sexual orientation stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

I think he's still talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

I am disgusted at what we've become. I'm just fucking appalled. I'm so. It's like part of me is sad and the other part is appalled and the other part's just fucking disgusted and the other part wants to go on a killing rampage.

[Allison Rosen]

What are we talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

I see.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The fact that the passion fruit iced tea is not an option. It's the only thing there is. So fucking weird. I'd like to find that motherfucker and kill him. Typhoid Mary. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

The patient zero of passion fruit.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't. Okay. You gotta eat. You live in Redlands, right? Yes. All right, well, then that's like, I don't know, parts of Mexico mixed with Kentucky or something. It's not really Yucaipa. Come out to Los Angeles, you'll not find iced tea does not exist. I mean, you can get it at a Denny's. I think anything above a Denny's, that's. It's over. Okay. It's over.

[Dr. Bruce]

All right. So new studies looking at arousal states. As you know, there have been studies done with child molesters.

[Adam Carolla]

Are.

[Allison Rosen]

They say arousal again?

[Adam Carolla]

Arousal. Okay. Do you like a tart candy that turns into a shitty chewing gum at the end? Yes, thank you. I'll have a Razzle.

[Dr. Bruce]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So basically, by the way, Razzles. Who you kidding with the gum part? You know what I mean? I think gum. Do you think if I could just say a list of words, maybe you could sell them colored, cut, Sell them on Razzles. Let Wrigley's handle the fucking gum you guys try to turn into a gum. That's bullshit. It's always kind of confused where you should swallow that. Razzle. Razzle sort of turns into a gum, but stick to what you know.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then it's a gum. I don't Think so? First it's a candy, then it's a gum. No, first it's a candy, then it's something that's not.

[Allison Rosen]

You just can't swallow.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not sure where to spit it out or swallow it. I don't call it gum.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm going with the Dr. Google and unwise practice.

[Adam Carolla]

Try blowing a bubble with a razzle. All right, where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

Dr. Bruce was talking about a razzle.

[Adam Carolla]

You talking about razzles? What about Smarties?

[Dr. Bruce]

Smarties? How about resveratrol?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what are you talking about? Well, that was an article that I just don't.

[Dr. Bruce]

I have to use that word again. And now I'm just like, you know, resveratrol.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I do a read here or you feel like you're coasting to a stop? Well, no, he's running out of track. No, I got great stuff here.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm really concerned about patients coming in. They're diagnosing themselves with Google, arguing about

[Adam Carolla]

what they have and study.

[Dr. Bruce]

This is a study, Dr. Gould and the practice of Self diagnosis. And what they found is that the purse that if you're closer to an individual, if it's a family member, it's bad. If it's yourself and you're looking at Google symptoms, it's the worst. You tend to focus on your symptoms in an inappropriate light.

[Adam Carolla]

Drew would never work on his own kids. He would tell me you'd work on your kids, right?

[Dr. Bruce]

Absolutely. I'd use Super Glue instead of medical tissue adhesive. On my kids?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, why not?

[Allison Rosen]

Would you operate on your kids?

[Dr. Bruce]

No, I don't operate on anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Super Glue was invented to be medical tissue adhesive. Right. That's how. I mean, it's why it was invented. That's why it works so pretty good. Yeah. That's why it works better on your fingers than it works on model figurines.

[Graham Parker]

Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

If it's something more than a simple injury, Drew's absolutely right. You cannot be objective. And the whole bombardment of information with the Internet, people do. I've had people argue with me about, well, you're not considering this diagnosis because I looked it up on Google, and they'll show me their phone while I'm there and saying, look at this.

[Adam Carolla]

This, this. This is what I'll tell you what you can't argue with. Legal zoom. Legal zoom. It's National Make a Will Month. Kids should do that. So what happens? Something happens to you? Do I get the money you owe me for the laser? How does that work? National Make a will month. Legalzoom.com I want to give you a special discount. I wish. Over 2 million Americans have used Legal Zoom for their last wills and living trust. They've saved hundreds, even thousands, versus a traditional lawyer. So you can get the individualized services tailored to the laws of your state. How about that with Legal Zoom? They'll help you, baby. LegalZoom.com Visit LegalZoom.com today and enter Adam in the referral box at checkout for special savings. LegalZoom is not a law firm, and self help services are at your specific direction. Individualized advice is provided through a legal plan available in most states. All right, Dr. Spaz. Put a fork in it there, baby. We got news to do. You can hang out. Just don't talk. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it cut. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a shooting at a Sikh temple in Wisconsin today, and seven are dead, including the gunman. It's been considered domestic terrorism. And all at this point that has come out about the shooter is that he's white, in his early 30s. And initially, like with the Colorado shooting, they thought perhaps there were more than one people shooting. There was, you know, multiple gunmen, but there's just one.

[Adam Carolla]

They always think that they did that with the North Hollywood bank robbers.

[Allison Rosen]

I wonder why that is. I guess it's sort of hard to tell if you're involved where the bullets are coming from.

[Adam Carolla]

I think first off, like, back in the day, guys would wear women's pantyhose on their head and stuff like that. Now everyone just wears cargo shorts and hoodies, you know, so it's like everyone looks. There's no.

[Allison Rosen]

Can't tell the guys there's no psycho uniform anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

It used to be a psycho uniform, number one. Number two, they're playing it safe because there's always, like, what you don't want to do is just assume there's two guys and there's four guys and two of them are running around.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And since they got the one guy, they don't want to act like they're out of the woods, essentially.

[Adam Carolla]

So this guy was out doing domestic terrorism.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, that's what they're calling it, domestic terrorism. And the FBI is taking over.

[Bald Brian]

What is that?

[Allison Rosen]

What is domestic terrorism?

[Adam Carolla]

That's like Tim McVeigh stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

It's something where the act is meant to Prompt a change in law. Or it could be a hate crime. It hasn't come out. Why they. Exactly why they are calling it domestic terrorism. But what has come out is that the FBI will be taking over. And in this town, the FBI has the resources to handle this more than their local police department.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you shoot up a movie theater, that's terrorism and it's domestic. But I don't know that they call it domestic terrorism. That's a rampage. But if you shoot up a mosque, my hunch is that it's.

[Allison Rosen]

Because it might. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Then you get that.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, can I.

[Adam Carolla]

Worked into it.

[Bald Brian]

Can I ask a potentially stupid question? What is a Sikh temple? I don't know what that is.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Sikh is the fifth largest religion in the world. No, I think it's a beautiful question. I think you're stupid, but it's a beautiful question. They wear turbans, and so a lot of people mistake Sikhs for Muslims.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know what they're up to. I have to find out what the tenets of their religion is.

[Allison Rosen]

There was a Sikh guy talking on the radio earlier, and he was saying that they respect women. And, like, everything that you imagine, a Muslim thinks they're kind of the opposite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

And that they wear the turbans because. Or the head coverings because they don't cut their hair, but that they are in favor of the liberation of women.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you something that a lot of religions have in common. The Orthodox Jews got this one, too. The Hasidic Jews and stuff. Like, listen, I'm growing my. They're all sort of like, I don't shave. Like, when you get into the serious, like, Orthodox Jews, they're like, I don't shave. I don't work. I eat, I don't work weekends. I'm not. Don't do a ton of washing my balls. I do a lot of hanging out with other dudes who don't like shaving and don't like working, and it's awesome. They're like, hey, I wonder who came up with that one. A bunch of ladies. Bunch of gals got into a fucking sewing room several thousand years ago and went, hey, I got a religion. How about one where the dudes never shave, they don't have to cut their hair, they never work weekends, get to

[Allison Rosen]

have sex whenever they want.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They get to fuck whatever they want.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, and when we have our periods, we'll go somewhere else.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, what about the balls?

[Adam Carolla]

No washing of the balls.

[Bald Brian]

What's the catch?

[Adam Carolla]

I'M saying, you see these religions, I like where they're clearly.

[Allison Rosen]

Does Prager wash his balls?

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely not. And I'll tell you this. It'd just be like if you got a whole bunch of fucking Pats together to make rules, new rules for the NFL, like Pats fans. And they went, everybody's got to kick off at the beginning. You flip a coin. And then if you don't kick off, then to start the second half, then you could receive or you could kick off, but you can't. You can't receive. Except for the Pats. The Pats receive at the beginning, and then after the halftime, they receive the ball again.

[Bald Brian]

It's a bylaw.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bylaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have something called takeies or mulligans when it comes to field goals further than 35 yards out. Only in the second half they'll get to try it again. Actually, I get to try it until they make it again. Just the Pats again. Just the Pats. Like when you hear about these other religions or any religion and you hear how it goes, you know what the women need to do versus what the dudes need to do. And I like the ones where the dudes can't shave. I like those ones. Clearly, there were some dudes sitting around a long time ago going, who hates shaving? Well, it's a pain in the ass. And by the way, you know, we have disposable triple edge glide with a slice of aloe in it. Now, this is back when you had to fucking find a piece of bronze and sharpen it on a rock, you know, so someone went, well, I don't like shaving. All right, all right, all right. Here's the uniform. Full beards, number one. And I don't like the whole pants and things with the buttons and the zippers. All right, we'll wear a bathrobe around. No shaving. You know, there's essentially like homeless, like Howard Hughes if he was just out of work.

[Allison Rosen]

You're gonna make a religion of sweatpants and no bras.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? That's what it would be if. And then guys would only be allowed to speak if they. And then you'd be able to have sex with who you wanted to. But if I was caught looking at another guy, there could be. You could kill me, but.

[Allison Rosen]

And I could have a ton of puppies, but I wouldn't really have to take care of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but you couldn't get convict me if you killed me. It's all. This is a great And I always hear it. I go, I wonder who came up with these. It's right up there with the hirsute men.

[Allison Rosen]

Came up with them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's all right up there with the. Oh, the gift certificate. Yeah. We don't honor those past the expiration date and then we don't give change on those. Oh, I wonder who came up with all these incredibly convenient codes and rules involved in their direction.

[Allison Rosen]

I need to correct something I said earlier when I said that what you think of Muslims, Sikhs are the opposite. I do not mean to generalize about what all Muslims think or anything. I'm talking about the.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so Jeffrey Ross performed at the Roast of Roseanne Barr over the weekend and he showed up dressed as Joe Paterno with two men who are just wearing towels.

[Adam Carolla]

I was wondering what the hell he was gonna dress like.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because he always wears something weird and they wanted me to do it, but I was like, first off, fuck Comedy Central. And then secondly, I'm tired.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that what you told them?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just told them I'm tired.

[Bald Brian]

Not in that order.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. I think Jeff may have crossed the line here. Do we think that if he dressed

[Allison Rosen]

Paterno, he said the P on the jacket he was wearing stood for people who can't take. Who can take a joke. Sorry. And then he said if they're offended by what they see, they can do what Joe Paterno did. Look the other way.

[Adam Carolla]

Just making a statement. Look, I love Jeff Ross. I got no beef with Jeff Ross. I. And I have this thing where I don't think anyone should get in trouble for anything. They say you should have to do something and all that. You want to know, like, what's this and what's that? But you should be able to make jokes about the massacre and the movie theater and Aurora. But I personally, when there's people that are dead and when there are people in their teens and twenties, that are dead, I always feel like, well, that's probably not a good. He did also make those jokes and. Oh, okay. And when I see, you know, when you think about 7 year old kids being sexually violated, to me, there's never any, you know, I'm not getting sanctimonious or high minded or anything. It's just personally, if there's a victim and they're alive, it's just a waste of my time. Feels weird.

[Allison Rosen]

So you think in a number of

[Adam Carolla]

years, though, it's that, you know, first off, who the fuck knows what the hell went on on the Titanic, you know what I mean? But as long as. As long as everyone would have been dead by now. It's a kind of a. You know, you can make Hitler jokes and World War II jokes and Titanic jokes and Hindenburg jokes and. And what. Whatever. Whatever jokes. There is that time. There's that time thing, but this one feels weird.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, it was Sandusky, but the ly. Paternity.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the thing, is that Gary and I were talking about this. We're like, are we sure that it's Paterno, not Sandusky? He was dressed as. But all the articles are saying he was dressed as Paterno.

[Adam Carolla]

But the deal is this. You want to get people talking, you want to make some news, you want to stir some things up. You want to start a conversation.

[Allison Rosen]

You want to be offensive at the roast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you want to be offensive. And, you know, maybe comedians, maybe we're the new Mapplethorpes or something. You know what I mean? I mean, piss Christ. Piss Christ. You piss in a cup, you put Christ in there. I don't think he thinks it's beautiful or artistic. He just wants to piss off his stepdad. You know what I'm saying? And this is now our new thing. Let's see if we can stir it up a little bit. So anyway, like on the back of your book.

[Dr. Bruce]

Like on the back of your book, that quote.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's not how.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't get me started. No one got that. Anyway, please.

[Allison Rosen]

So Roseanne was asked, you know, do you think that he crossed the line, especially with making some jokes about Colorado? And the jokes about Colorado were kind of ill received. And she said that crossed what? I know she said that crossed the line, but comedy is about moving the line. And where. Where is the line in a country that has freedom of speech? Maybe there isn't one. Strong words.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, you know, again, you say whatever you want, and then everyone can decide whether it's funny or not. I have this thing. Here's what I'm saying. All right? Here's what I mean. If you have something that you think is really funny, you wish you could say it, but you can't say it. But it's really funny. See, it's a different way to approach a joke, which is. Here's what I'm saying. Occasionally we all have thoughts, and sometimes over beers with other friends, you say something and it's fucking funny. But you realize I can't really say that and sometimes it's about ethnicity and a race or whatever. Sometimes it's about a wife or husband or loved one, a mom, whatever. It is fucking funny, but you just can't say it. You know, oftentimes that happens. Oftentimes, but you can't say it. But the genesis was, here's something funny, but if I said it in front of my mom, she'd fucking get pissed off. Our feelings would get hurt or whatever it is right now. That's the way comedy works. And what you try to do as a comedian is once in a while you think of something that's really funny and then you realize, oh boy, I wonder how my wife's going to like this. And then you think, well, maybe there's a way I can tweak it a little bit and work it away and change the language in such a way. There's even a version of doing it so I can say it on late night TV instead of, you know, I can't say beat off, but maybe I could say pleasure myself or something like that. There's ways to tweak it. The thing that I don't like about this kind of humor, I feel like they took the subject first and then tried to find a joke around it, which is the backwards way of doing comedy. And it's sort of the way of saying, I want the notoriety from this. Now let's come up with a joke that pertains to this versus something you may have said or something you may have thought that just so happened to be really funny.

[Bald Brian]

Organically.

[Adam Carolla]

Organically, yes. I feel like somebody says, let's see if we can stir things up. Let's, you know, let's get a picture of my six year old sucking my tit and we'll put it on the COVID of Time and then that'll get some. But it's.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. It's motivated by something very cynical.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's kind of like I want people to see me. It's not. Not that you care as much about the topic as you care about yourself.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of, there's this guy that made, I think, Batman related movie or something on YouTube. It's a director, I believe he's local and he is saying that he believes that the Colorado shooter called him a few times.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And was asking these questions, like asking what kind of guns that the guy in the movie had. And are you sure that's enough guns? And he has no proof that Holmes had called him, but he's like pretty sure it's him. And he could Tell the guy was lonely and that's what he's been saying. And every time I hear this story, there's something in me that. That thinks, is there any way that he is just trying to sort of exploit this situation? I don't know what makes me think that, but some kind of bullshit detector is going off.

[Adam Carolla]

I've heard this story, too. I didn't know then.

[Allison Rosen]

I think maybe I'm an awful person for thinking that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you are, but you could still be right. Number one, thank you. Number two, I don't know. See, I realize it's that same sort of the Kim Kardashian conundrum. Kardashian conundrum.

[Allison Rosen]

See, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't start with a K. If

[Allison Rosen]

they had a daughter named Conundrum, it

[Adam Carolla]

would start with a K. That's right. You think and you pass everything through your filter like, oh, my God, no. If there was videotape of me having sex with my old boyfriend on vacation and put it out on the Internet, like, no way. No way. Well, that's you. You're saying you're modest and that's the way you approach life. Who the fuck knows what these insane people with their personality disorders are thinking? And so these things that make no sense at all to you, like, oh, please, I would never do that. And used to be that used to be society, like, we used to have a society that had a kind of a golden rule thing and kind of a, hey, if you don't want it to happen to you or you wouldn't feel good, how would you like it if somebody. And fill in the blank? And when I say fill in the blank, I'm talking about Ray J filling in your blank.

[Allison Rosen]

I would be okay with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would too.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So then we sort of knew. Now who knows what's on and what's off as a society? And it's really fucked up. By the way, I will tell you quickly. My buddy Les, who hopped in my big dually Ford truck and is driving to New York to grab a car for me, is also stopping in Georgia to pick up a car trailer to trail said car back from New York. And I get the call on, I don't know, Friday. And it's like, how's it going? Well, I've been here at the trailer dealership over here for about five hours and what's up? And, well, they got your checks, but they only take cashier's checks and they're not taking your checks. And then I get with my people and I get on the phone. And they get on the phone and they tell them to call the bank and talk to the people, but they don't do that. They only accept. But they have my credit card number. But they don't take credit cards, but they just use it for a deposit. And now Les is going to go down to the. He's going to go down to the Kmart or the Walmart, and they have like a wire transfer, but they only can do it $999 at a time. And the trailer's like $14,000 or something. So you have to do like 15 of these things. And then that doesn't. Anyway, the point is, I call them the next day and I'm like, so where are you? You got this thing. He's like, I'm still in Georgia. I had to spend the night. And I thought they wouldn't take the check is basically what it was. And I understand they have a policy. They don't take checks. They take cashier's checks, but not check checks, and they don't take credit cards. But you have a dude who's, you know, less looks, pardon the pun, less like a criminal than anyone you've ever encountered. He drove a $45,000 truck out from California. He's been there for seven hours trying to get this thing sorted out. You've been on the phone with. With my folks at the investment, whatever, the money guys. At what point do you realize he's not trying to write you a bad chance?

[Allison Rosen]

What kind of con is this?

[Adam Carolla]

This is horrible. The worst con on the planet. First off, why drive 2,000 miles to fucking pull this con off? And by the way, when the first con goes bad, like, you're not accepting the checks, you don't move on to plan B in your con. You go, oh, let me go out to my truck and grab a Sucrettes. And then you fucking haul ass, right? You don't go, so let's go down to the Walmart and get the money order. And then you talk to the person. So I just realized. And he did this thing that they always do, which is, look, this is the policy. They've been burned before. So now he's spending the night in Georgia, and he didn't get out of there until like five the next day. I mean, he literally, like lost a day on these fucking trips because they had checks, but they wouldn't accept it. It's not really anyone's fault. It's society's fault. We fucked up so royally as a society that They've been burned. And they don't care if they recognize the name on the check. And they don't care if Les looks like a nice guy and they don't care if he's driving an expensive car and they don't care if they have his, my, my credit card. They've been fucked enough by the society that we've created that has fucked enough people so that there are no exceptions. And Les, you're gonna miss a day. Go to fucking Red Roof Inn and I'll see you in the morning. And you can go try to get 26 wire transfers over eventually had to, to Western Union, but they only go up to like $5,000 to do two of them. And it's just fucking my money. Guys had to work on Saturday trying to get this thing sorted out. They had the checks in their hands and the checks would have been good and if they weren't, I would have made them good. And I get the feeling like if we're in Japan, you leave because you have a check. And not only do you leave something called a check behind, you leave something called your shame, your dignity and your reputation. And that's more important than any check.

[Allison Rosen]

You mean like, you mean you get offended that they won't take your check,

[Adam Carolla]

so you leave no honor. You leave your honor and your check behind. And if you bounce that check or you fuck them with that check, they have your honor.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, right. Wow, that's powerful.

[Adam Carolla]

Powerful and as clear as I can fucking make it. But the point is this, and that means something. There's a currency to that in that society. You're not an honorable person or you're a person that lies or your person that steals from other people. That's a big fucking issue. We've turned it into the fucking Thunderdome here where it's just winner take all, every asshole for themselves. And thus we've had to put a whole shitload of whole shitload of fail safe devices in place, which is you got a 50 something year old dude who's standing in front of a 40 something thousand dollars for dually who drove in from LA. You have the credit card on file, he has the checks and you're saying no, can't trust you, do not trust you. I don't trust you. I'd like to trust you, but been burned. And this is our policy. And we've taken away the decision making process from the human being. Because the human being, if we would let people fucking profile, they'd look at less and they'd go, oh, this guy's no con artist. He didn't fucking drive out here to steal this trailer. They'd know who it was. Your instincts, your gut. Something we used to have, we used to rely on it. You'd go, I'll take this guy's check. If this guy was sweating profusely. He kept going out to the car and coming back rubbing his nose and his eyes were watering and wore big rings, huge rings, and was looking over his shoulder all the time when he was talking. I don't trust this guy. But this guy who ordered the trailerfield. Yeah, this guy who ordered the trailer a month ago and has driven in. You've been talking to him and you have his credit card. I'll take his fucking check and let him be on his way. And also, I'm a human being. I would feel horrible to be in this person's position to have to spend the night in a small town in Georgia just so the following morning they could get the Western Union fucking shit cleaned out. So you don't realize how much we pay by this whole lack of honor and this lack of dignity and this lack of everything and this litigious winner take all sort of bullshit society we're living in where we don't judge anymore and we don't. There's just. There's no more. There's no more. There's no punitive part of our society. I mean, you can get busted by the law, but you can't get busted by society anymore. You know, everyone. Young girls look up to Kim Kardashian.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like, get away with whatever you can.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. So fucking sad. And we're all paying the price. We. All of us. All of us. And every day, every time you try to do a thing where you're like, I just gotta go to the car and put your drink down. You can't carry it out thing. And you go, can't I just fucking walk out with my fucking drink? Pour it into a foam cup, all that bullshit. The thing where you're treated like a. You're treated like a criminal, because that's how Les is being treated. He's like a criminal or a five year old. Either way, we've decided to create this society where everybody's a five, a litigious five year old criminal. That's how we've built our society. Fine. Everyone enjoying it? And where are we heading, dicks? Goddamn. Gotta move to Japan. I don't think that shit happens in Japan. I really don't. I just think they fucking code and honor. And they would never do that. The guy I always say all the time, the guy who totaled my car and then proceeded not to pay me back and then proceeded to try to not pay me back and proceeded to try to get it. The value of the car down. I kept saying in Japan, this guy be at my fucking house every weekend vacuuming and then sucking my dick, just trying to fucking make it right. Just trying to get square on my hand.

[Allison Rosen]

So we're gonna have to start doing this show from a different warehouse. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosenzip it cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Audible audible.com want to thank them for supporting the show they have over this. Got to be a typo. 100,000 books to choose from. Nobody's written that many books. Even Steve Allen did.

[Bald Brian]

Stupid lynch getting happy with the zeros.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Wait. Got a message. Those are different books, different authors. Interesting. I'm gonna circle that like Brian Gumbel does. Makes you think I'm doing something.

[Bald Brian]

Glasses on the Tiffany nose.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I'm gonna circle that. 100,000. That's right. Including not Taco Bell material. My new book, Audible is offering a free audiobook, so you can try them out. Let's try mine. It's not quite eight hours. Seven hours, 59 minutes and 31 seconds. No, if you pause it in the middle, though. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Make it last eight hours.

[Adam Carolla]

You can try a free audiobook of your [e-mail] Ace I love me these audiobooks. I swear to God, you're walking around walking a dog or just walking through a city or whatever going on. Especially going like a bus or tram or anything to do with an airport. Audio books. And now everyone's got a phone. No excuses, man. I got my phone out hanging. Has 10 books in there and it probably hold 1,000.

[Allison Rosen]

Put an end to boring tram rides.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. Audible.comace Try your audiobook out for free. Alrighty. I want to thank Penn Jillette for coming in here. Penn Jillettes. Or I should say Penn. Sunday School. It is. New episodes every Sunday. Subscribe on itunes. You go to AdamCroll.com you can go to PenandTeller.com you can go to. You have a Twitter. Dr. Bruce H. Dr. Bruce H. Every arousal. Yeah, some arousals. And Allison Rosett and Bald Brian. This is Adam Carolla saying mahalo. By the way, that's no lump. That's called your scrot. O'reilly Auto Parts. Yeah. They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. And if you can't figure it out, they can't figure it out. Well, they will help you find someone who can figure it out. It's always my first call, by the way, O'Reilly, if I can't figure something out. Ahead to O'Reilly, they have thousands of parts in stock and they can test your battery for free. Need wipers, brake lights, quick fix, engine light on. They're gonna help you out. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and they're friendly. Like they held the door for me last time I was there and they didn't know who I was. They just said, here comes a customer. Professional parts people at O'Reilly, well, they're a one stop shop DIY stuff. You do it yourself. And you can check them out online or you can go down there in person. Either way, they're the best. They're O'Reilly, right? Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Wyclef Jean]

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mindset free. This is the mindset free. This is with movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator. Why are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah. Pluto TV stream now pay never. All right, it's Adam Carlos Show 884.

[Penn Jillette]

Coming up next, we have Adam Carlos Show 920 featuring the legendary Wyclef Jean. Also from 2012, Adam and Wycliffe, one on one. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for coming in, Wyclef.

[Wyclef Jean]

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

I know you love cars. I love cars. We can talk about that. A couple of few. It reminded me I was with KROC the radio station for many years. I remember, I think around 96 when the Fugees were playing the weenie roast, that big deal over at Irvine Meadows. And I remember there was a situation and tell me if I'm screwing this up and, or if you remember this, but what they do is they put on like 18 acts over the course of an entire day and everyone just gets stoned and drunk and sunburnt and at the end Kiss plays or something like that. And, and the thing is, is because if they go past midnight, they get fined like $5,000 a second or something. Like that they have a turning revolving stage. And while one band is on front doing a 20 minute set or a 25 minute set, the other band is setting up and the second they're done with it, literally just turns and the other band is playing. And they turn that stage every 20 minutes. Whether you're on it or not, or whether you're one so. Or you're at the end, they turn it. Because at 4 in the afternoon, if they get back 20 minutes, they're back 20 minutes, the entire show, and they don't give a shit what's going on. And the Fugees were late or something, and the Fugees went out and started playing a song. And about halfway through the song, they just started turning the thing around.

[Wyclef Jean]

I do remember that now.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Were you pissed? Was there was this situation.

[Wyclef Jean]

We didn't have a Green Day moment where it was like, I'm breaking guitars, but definitely piss. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course, I was at the same concert a year later, maybe that year, and Green Day was out there. And it was one of the guys from Third Eye Blind ran out on stage and pretended to hug the bass player like he was a fan. He was like, oh, he got up on stage, but he was just goofing around because, you know, the bands hang around and watch the other bands from the side of the stage. Well, their huge Samoan bodyguard didn't know who the dude was. And he started beating the shit out of him. And then later on, while he was beating the shit out of him, the bass player turned around from Green Day looked at him and I thought he was going to tell his bodyguard back off and he just kicked him.

[Dr. Bruce]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And then the dude just waited out by the trailers in the back with a bottle. And when the Green Day guy walked off stage, he whacked him in the head with the bottle and sent him to the hospital. Like 18 stitches. Wow. Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

So the good old days.

[Adam Carolla]

The good old days. So how did it. How did all get started for you? And by the way, the book is called Purpose and it's an immigrant Story. And you came here from Haiti one when, at age nine?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, I came from Haiti when I was nine years old. Grew up in the projects of Brooklyn. First, my dad was a Christian minister, like, of Protestant faith. And you had a lot of missionaries at the time that came around in the church. So his whole thing was church music, so Christian rock. So at the time I was growing up with like bands like Petra, Striper, Striper and different bands like that. And. And on the Other side. I just wanted to be a rapper. So whatever. He. He. He said that rap music was devil music. Drug dealer music.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't they know that would make. You can't tell a kid that's devil music. Did he not see Footloose? Don't you know how the story ends? If you say anything is the work of the devil, the kid's gonna be twice as into it. Right, Exactly.

[Wyclef Jean]

So I definitely got into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, man.

[Adam Carolla]

They should have said, like, if you don't want your young kid to do something, you go, oh, that's the music of the golfer. A lot of white dudes I know who golf. Dig that music, man. And then you'd go, fuck that shit. I'm singing about the Lord.

[Wyclef Jean]

I would have did something else.

[Adam Carolla]

So your dad, you grow up. What's going on in Haiti? I don't know anything about Haiti other than it's poor. Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

I mean, the thing about Haiti is that the poor part of Haiti is when you see Haiti, all you see is Port au Prince. But the actual country itself, it's like going to Jamaica. But the only part I would say Haiti's worst enemy is the PR that it has. But it has beautiful white beaches or. Or it's similar. I don't know if you've been to the doctor. The Dominican Republic.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I've been to Jamaica, though.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. But you. You know about the Dominican Republic. So Dominican Republic and Haiti is the same island.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

The only thing that separates it is a guard.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yes. No, I didn't even know that.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, man. So the same beaches. You got on one side, you have on the other side. After the earthquake, though, we have a new president in place, and his whole thing is just getting rid of the tents right now. And this is something that he's been working on and putting the kids back to school.

[Adam Carolla]

And I mean, there's. There's. I don't know. Like I said, I know you have tourism, or you could have tourism. Yeah, you had a lot more tourism.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, you had a lot of tourism in the country. A lot of tourism back in the days.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Wyclef Jean]

But what happens is you just said, like you said, you said you don't know a lot about that country. Bill Clinton is in Haiti, like, every couple of months he's down there, and I would say. So in America, there's something. When you want to travel, there's a travel guy, and there's these things that pop up. Hey, you going here, you're going on your own risk. You're going here, you're going. So whenever Haiti pops up, it's always, you know, the mandate that pops up is, look, man, you're going on your own wrist. I think one of the things that can help is to raise that mandate because the place is getting better.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And so what you do. I mean, because I don't know how Haiti is fixed for natural resources and exporting tea, or I don't know what their big crop is, or I don't know what they're sitting on a bunch of oil or anything. But I do know people would go down there and lay around on the beach and spend a bunch of money at restaurants if they felt like it was safe to do so.

[Wyclef Jean]

Definitely, 100%. Back in the days when Haiti was at its prime, it was called the Pearl of the Caribbean, and it was known for exporting coffee and sugar to a great portion of the world. But to your point, right now we have some of the finest beaches. But until that mandate get raised and people feel like it's safe, like, anywhere, like, there's a lot of people that's like, I ain't going to Mexico no more. You know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

Because of what's going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what's what. And who is in charge of that? Like, parole hearing? I mean, you have to go. Look, we've had under X amount of murders and under X amount of purse snatches and under X amount of car stolen. Like, how. Who decides at a certain point to lift that ban? That's not a ban, but, I mean, lift that warning, which freaks out a lot of people who are traveling.

[Wyclef Jean]

I mean, that warning would have to do with the US it would have to do with the team lobbying to Washington to showing exactly where the country's at. Remember, at one time, Jamaica was at its worst, you know, and then they started throwing the commercials, Go back to Jamaica. And started showing the beaches. But a lot of that lobbying has to do with going to Washington, because a lot of tourists that do travel are Americans. Americans, like, going all over the place. So they. They would like to know they're going to a safe place.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I saw. Did you see that Bob Marley documentary?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yes, I did. I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man, that was awesome.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. Loved it. I learned a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

I did, too.

[Wyclef Jean]

And I love mar. I'm a Marley freak.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know his. I didn't know his dad was a white dude. I didn't even know that much about the guy. I didn't know anything about. I didn't know anything about him. But it seemed those days, Jamaica seemed a Little turbulent?

[Wyclef Jean]

Oh, yeah, big time. Very, very turbulent. But turned around, though.

[Adam Carolla]

It turned itself around well, again, you get the tourism going, people start making money, they stop stealing, and everything mellows out. But your journey, back to your journey. So you leave with your dad and your mom and your whole family, I'm guessing.

[Wyclef Jean]

No, my father left me in Haiti. I was born in a hut. Like straight up in a hut. Used to take a donkey to school.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. Water takes three miles. If you ever see the setting of the story, Slumdog Millionaire, the beginning of that movie, that's sort of like how the hut looked.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have kids?

[Wyclef Jean]

I have one daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

Great.

[Wyclef Jean]

And every time I tell her, I

[Adam Carolla]

took a donkey to school, she says,

[Wyclef Jean]

no, daddy, you didn't take no donkey to school.

[Adam Carolla]

I took a donkey to school. You know what you end up getting? I'm gonna get. You know what? You're gonna. She's gonna hold it against you because she's gonna go donkey. That's cool, man. Cause I saw. I saw that Shrek movie. That sounds fucking awesome, dad. You know, my problem is I used to work construction. I had to eat off a lunch truck my whole life. And I used to. I was planning on saving that story for my kids, you know, I had to eat off a lunch rug. But now they have. Now my kids are going to be like, oh, the Kobe beef lunch truck. Or the Mr. Sprinkle Soft Swirl. Like, no lunch trucks. Real shitty lunch trucks. Like back in the day lunch trucks. Not cool lunch trucks that you're used to now. Wow. Rode a donkey to school, man.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, it was. Went from the donkey. My dad left me when I was 1 years old. And he came to America because the Church of the Nazarene gave him a visa. So he comes to America and he gets a six month visa. And after the visa expires, he basically goes underground. At that time, the immigration laws were quite different. You know, if you had a kid within the United States, automatically the child became a US citizen. So he had two kids here in the States, then came back to Haiti and got us.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he still married to your mom?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, he bought my mama over.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how'd your mom feel about him having the two kids?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, with my mom.

[Adam Carolla]

He bought my mom. Good. Okay. I just want to make sure everything was cool. Yo, so listen, I saw that Bob Marley documentary. You know, he did a little of that.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But he's still a legend.

[Wyclef Jean]

It was with my mom.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay, good. So then you come over on a donkey or you take a Boat?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, no, no. We came over. You know what's crazy is when you're saying the donkey beyond the donkey. In the book, I talk about the fact that me and my brother ate red dirt from the floor. And my brother is a lawyer today in California.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Wyclef Jean]

And I tell people, like, when you say dirt pour, the idea of picking dirt from the floor and eating dirt.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, really, what is red dirt? Is it dirt with blood in it? What is it?

[Wyclef Jean]

Man, it's like this. You know, in the book we call it like a mineral dirt, but it's literally like sometime as a kid in the village, you know, you feel like you don't got nothing to eat.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

And you're so hungry, you literally would take the dirt from the floor and eat it.

[Adam Carolla]

Just to feel something in your belly,

[Wyclef Jean]

just to feel something in your stomach. I mean, that was extreme. So when my dad came to get us, was bringing us to America, keep in mind, I ain't seen no electricity before. Not I didn't even have a clue what lights were besides the sun.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Wyclef Jean]

You feel me?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's crazy. So, I mean, it's like, it really. From 0 to 9 years of age, you could have been born in any time period in the world. Like, you could have been born in 1000 B.C. it would not matter. Same life. Dirt on the floor, donkey chauffeured, donkey eating dirt. No sun, no. No electricity.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. And then you look at the sky, you could see east, west, depending on where the sun is pending.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

You would know where to go. So. So that was the extreme right of 1 to 9. My grandfather was a voodoo priest in Haiti.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, so makes sense. One out of every two grandfathers is over there, right? Your grandfather's a Buddha. Oh, my grand. Who's. Wait, whose grandfather is not a voodoo priest? Nobody. Wow.

[Wyclef Jean]

Okay, so one out of every two? No, but, man, I just remember, man.

[Adam Carolla]

So your dad sends for you, you go over there.

[Wyclef Jean]

But the taking that airplane. Like, can you imagine going from that hut? And then when I'm getting on an airplane, I'm thinking it's a ufo. It looks like a giant bird at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Yeah. I mean, freaky. Yeah. You go from zero technology to modern.

[Wyclef Jean]

I've never seen white people before.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, we'll freak you out.

[Wyclef Jean]

Listen, so the only time I've seen. And we call them Le Bluff. So it was like living in the time of the Indians, you know what I'm saying? The white man is coming now, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

They would always come to the Village bring the rice.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

So once in a while, you get the rice. So when we get on the plane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

It looks like we're on a ufo, and I can't speak English right. So everything sounds like alien language to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Hello.

[Wyclef Jean]

Are you doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We are here to bring you something whiter than us. It's called rice. Enjoy.

[Wyclef Jean]

And you're looking like, you know. So that was the extreme of landing in the United States.

[Adam Carolla]

So now, what was your impression of people from the United States? Because at the beginning, you only knew them as. Or white people. You knew them as the people that brought the rice.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, because keep in mind, what I'm doing is I'm taking you into the mind of a Haitian in the village. And when we say white people, it's the same as Indian people at the time. So I'm taking you to primitive time. Like, if we was talking in the village as. I take you back, because, you know, my family has white and black people. So I want to explain. When I say so, we call them le blunt. So when. When. When we came.

[Adam Carolla]

Like blanco, like white.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. So when we came to the United States, the idea of coming to the States was you was coming to the city of diamonds. And anything that you wanted to be and accomplish, if you got to this place, you can accomplish it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Wyclef Jean]

That was the idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, how did you feel then? I mean, because it's an interesting. It's interesting because, you know, I watched the prime, or not the primaries, but the DNC and the RNC and all that kind of stuff. We do a lot of, let's face it, the game is rigged and it's stacked against you, and you can't make it. I think that's a bad message to send to people. I feel like. Your brother's an attorney, right?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a DeLorean. You came here with nothing but red dirt in your pockets and a donkey, and you're doing good. Now, the thing is, you. Because I always say, like, well, we could be better. No doubt about it. But I think where you're from, you really can't make it. I mean, that's hard. That's a much taller order for someone like your brother, let's say, who's a successful attorney, this is a good place for him to make it. It's not a perfect place, and it's still got its problems, but it's better than most places. Hence your brother, the attorney, right?

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, yeah. The place where I'm from, 80% of the population is living on less than $2 a day. The majority of the population is not employed. And then that brother, though, the one that's a lawyer, he was in Haiti with me. So the idea, though, is when we came to America, coming from where we came from, everything looked like we landed in the projects and we felt like we was richer.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the notion of a toilet and running water and a light bulb and an oven to somebody from a civilization that could have, like I said, been a thousand years old, that's a big deal. I mean, we have a kind of a poor in this country, which is you only have two TV sets, or you and your wife have to share a car. But we don't have a real poor. We don't have the kind of poor that you knew growing up. We have a kind of a poor, which is, you know, our poor is not that poor. I mean, I know there's plenty of poor people in this country, and I used to be poor, too, so I understand, you know, welfare and food stamps and all that shit, but still, there was a TV set, you know, it was black and white and it was 13 inches, but. But we had a TV set, you know, and we had running water, and our bathroom was inside, not outside. And we don't understand the kind of poverty that some of these other nations have and what poor is over there. I mean, our poor here would be middle class and then some in Haiti, right?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. I mean, if you took certain, you took. You hit it on the dot when you said, like, you know, you have toilet, you have running water, you have electricity. That alone changes the idea of being in a hut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. So you come over here at 9 and all, by the way, chronicled in the book called Purpose, an immigrant Story. And your dad's preaching, and you're living in the projects. And when do you have your first taste of success?

[Wyclef Jean]

First taste of success, of course, you know, for us, there's a lot of stories about. We always start off in the church. You know, I would say being in the projects. I got introduced. My brother once bought a cd. It was the police Synchronicity.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't yell too loud about the police and the projects. People are spoiled.

[Wyclef Jean]

Hank Floyd. Ooh. So we was like the weird kids in the projects.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, your accent must have freaked everyone out because you didn't look any different.

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, your accent and you're listening to Bob Dylan, so the two just didn't get along at the time. Right. But we loved rock and we loved hip hop. First taste of success came with my group, the Fugees?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Wyclef Jean]

The CD was done in my uncle's basement. I did the whole CD in my basement because my dad had kicked me out the church. And the CD was called the Score.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad kicked you out of the church because you're playing the devil's music?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, I was playing the devil's music, according to him at the time. So basically, I went to my uncle's house. That was in the hood, too. Now this is. Now it's the next chapter of my life. Right, right. So you have. We're in the hood. We got the pit bulls in the back. Sure. We got the garage. Behind the garage is the crack house. We're in East Orange, New Jersey, now, and. And we in this basement and just started recording the score. And I would say after we did the score, we went to Europe. And when we was in Europe, we got the call from Sony Music, and it was like, yo, y', all, like numbers. Something on the charts, you know? And it didn't hit us because we was touring.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Wyclef Jean]

And an idea of a CD that was produced in my uncle's basement to have sold over 20 million.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

Copies. It didn't hit us because while the success was moving, we was constantly moving. Right. The first time it hit me was when I got to the Grammys.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And that would have been in 92.

[Wyclef Jean]

No. Performed at the Grammys. 96.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, 96. So. So you guys formed. Had been around. Been playing around and. Oh, yeah, that's right. Because that was a big year. That was a Roberta Flack song, that. Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, we had Killers.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's a weird song to cover.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, it's. It was weird when for us, coming from hip hop. Right. Right now, Lauren being, of course, an R and B connoisseur and loving R and B loving Roberta Flack in a sense of like a hip hop group about to cover Killing Me Softly. That just don't mix with the two, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it sounds like the kind of thing you could do if you wanted to, but it doesn't sound like the kind of thing that's gonna sell any tickets or get any spins on radio. It's just. It's a great song. It's from the 70s. It's very slow and it's a little depressing. And It's a weird 70s song. That's a good song, but no one would ever think, let's remake that song. It's a crazy song to remake.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. Now, as a producer, I'm a big fan of Quincy Jones, so I hear Music a little differently in my head. So what I did was I said, we're gonna dumb it down, just rock drums. And Lauren's vocals is just incredible against it. And I said, we're going to put a baseline to your point. We didn't take that song that seriously. That's why when the song starts off, I'm like, yo, this is why I clap. You know, I got my boy and.

[Adam Carolla]

And you didn't think that was going to be a hit?

[Wyclef Jean]

No. The song that you don't take seriously usually is the one that ends up blowing up.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I tell my kids all the time. Listen, be glad I'm not paying attention to you. You're going to blow up, man. If I had. If I had hopes and dreams for you, you probably work in a 7 11. So how do you meet Lauryn Hill?

[Wyclef Jean]

Met her through high school. At my last year of high school, going into Prize, which is the other member of the group, gives me a call and says, you know, I have a group with two girls. And of course, I'm young at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Wyclef Jean]

And I'm like, how do girls look? And I basically went to the studio and the producer at the time in the studio was a gentleman by the name Khalees Bayan. He's Cool's brother. So he's the one that did Junk Jungle Boogie. Celebrate Good Times, Joanna. All those hits.

[Adam Carolla]

Cool and the Gang.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. So I went in there and. And I just laid my part and he was like, man, there's a mystery and a magic going on with you guys. And that was my first time meeting Lauren and Marcy. There was two other. There was two girls from the Fujis. One ended up leaving.

[Adam Carolla]

Lauryn Hill, by the way, just stunning looking. I mean, that chick just got bones. Like, she's just a good looking person. At least what I've seen of her. Where the Fugees get their name?

[Wyclef Jean]

The Fugees is short for Refugees. So we wanted to go with refugees. But there was a rock band at the time, I think on Sony called Refugees. And we couldn't use Refugees.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I like? I don't know why, but I love the fact that Better Than Ezra is called Better Than Ezra because there's a band called Ezra. And so somebody said, you can't use Ezra because, like, they sued them or something. Let's change our names to Better Than Ezra. Which is funny. I don't know, it always cracks me.

[Wyclef Jean]

So there was like, refugees we can't use.

[Adam Carolla]

It was okay, so you went With Fugees. And so you got Lauryn Hill, and she's got an amazing voice and she's very easy on the eyes, so that doesn't hurt. And you guys take this Roberta Flack song from like 1973 or something, and I don't know what year that song's from, but like early mid or early 70s. And. And that thing just blows up. I mean, other songs as well, but that song becomes a crazy hit and it's played all over the place. It didn't seem to have. I mean, it's not played on classic rock stations, but it seemed to jump from genre to genre in terms of radio stations. It seemed to get just tons and tons of airplay. So now the Fugees are blowing up. Is it freaking you out at all? Is your dad kissing your ass now?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, not at all. He's just straight up, still a minister, asking me when I'm going to come back to church. My father never came to a Fuji concert.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? I mean, is there a part of you that goes, okay? He's a very devout man and I respect that. On the other hand, I'm his son and he should come out and support me.

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, I mean, of course, I thought that every day. So the only concert he actually showed up, I tricked him. I told him it was a gospel concert, was when I performed at Carnegie Hall.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

You know, I made that call. I had everybody come out that night. Eric Clapton, Stevie Wonder. And I was just gun ho to see my father on the balcony. And the fact that he showed up

[Adam Carolla]

and what did he say about it,

[Wyclef Jean]

you know, after the show? You know, you're waiting for him to say, you know, I bought you from Haiti. You did good in America. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

But he said to me, he said. He said, do you know when you make it? And I'm like, no, I'm waiting for him to say. He said, when white people, black people, yellow people, green people, they come to see you and they don't see the color, they see the man, then you know, you've made it in America.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that must have been. Felt pretty damn good from Pops. He didn't give it up that easily, right?

[Wyclef Jean]

He didn't give it up that easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, interesting. There's a couple things. One is, yeah, the whole. We're talking about the Bob Marley documentary. You know, he wanted more black faces in his audience. It was pretty much a bunch of white people come out and see him play. And he wanted more folks who were from where he was from or looked like him to get out in the audience and he had to open. Did he open for cool Commodores or something like that? It was a crazy story. But in terms of dads giving it up, see, you know, I'm from here and our dads, especially now, everyone's just pussy whipped. Everyone's, oh, my son, he's my brother, he's my light of my life. He's the greatest. You're supposed to be best friends with your son. You know, you're supposed to call him buddy, you know, not son, not his name, but champ, buddy, you know, he's my buddy and hugs and kisses. And I am that way. I have six year old twins. But in other countries, in other nations, I feel like the dad is a little more of a dad. Like A, you're a little bit scared of your dad and B, he don't do a lot of hugging and kissing on you because that's mama's job. Like his job is to be that voice of authority, the one you respect. And maybe the guy calling you champ and hugging you and kissing you isn't what you need. And I don't know, like, do you think if you had me as your dad and I was just going, oh man, I love your new song, give me a kiss, give me a hug. This is awesome. Do whatever you want. Do you think maybe you wouldn't have had the fire in your belly? Do you think you needed that disciplinary.

[Wyclef Jean]

If I had you as my dad, I probably would have been a good race car driver.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's a good segue to talk about cars for a second. I gotta give a little love to one of our fine, fine sponsors. Go to my PC, everybody. Oh, man, Wycliffe, you travel a lot, right? You bring your computer with you and that's why you need go to my PC brought to you by Citrix. You can connect and you can use your laptop, you can use your iPad, you can use your iPhone, you can go right to your office, Mac or PC. And what it is is, you know that thing where you're on the road and you want to show someone a picture or something and you go, damn, it's in my home computer. I don't have those pictures. For me, it's cars. Occasionally my kids, if they're leaning against one of my cars, you know, I take a picture of them, but I go, damn, I got all that stuff with go to my PC, you can get to your home computer. You can literally use your iPhone or your iPad or whatever. Your out on the road, touring the country Touring the world. Go to my PC. You can access, you can edit, you can work on your home computer, work on documents. You can. Oh, you need this special 45 day free trial. Only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit GoToMyPC.com, click on the Tried free button. And remember, use the promo code Adam. Alright, so let's jump ahead and talk card for seconds. Because you grew up with a donkey and not a car, you probably from zero to nine in Haiti probably didn't see a ton of cars. Right. I mean the white guy carrying the rice maybe had a Range Rover.

[Wyclef Jean]

I didn't see no cars. Land Rover, but no cars in the air. At times we saw airplanes, but they were so high we thought that they were giant birds and try to hit them down with slingshot.

[Adam Carolla]

So at a certain point you start making some money. Yeah. And you want some cars because you like cars. Well, there's nothing to like about cars.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. The thing about the cars was my father worked for Don Warnock and.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute, who's Don Warnock?

[Wyclef Jean]

It was a car company back in the days.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean like a dealership?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, dealership.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Don Warnock Ford.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yes. And remember they had the Taurus, all kind of cars. My father was part of fixing the cars, the mechanics on the cars. And also he would be the guy that would drive the cars to different locations. And once in a while, Fridays he would pick me up from school as he's going to the next location and we would play that's my car.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretend that's your car.

[Wyclef Jean]

Pretend that's my car.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

That's really where it really got started for me. And in the sense of I went to, to London when I was a Fuji and the first thing I did, I said, take me to the McLaren store.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

And. But keep in mind, I'm in London. This is 94. I don't have no money.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now McLaren. McLaren makes a lot of F1 engines. And then they made a car and they made a supercar and they, I think 93 or 94. And it's crazy, it's mid engine, you literally sit in the middle of it. It's incredibly exotic. And they've recently now made another version of the new MC12 or whatever it is, McLaren, which is actually sort of reasonable. It's like, I don't know, $245,000 or something. It's got all carbon fiber, monochromatic cocktail and stuff like that. The first one of the early 90s was, it was an, it was a fighter jet it was the most advanced street going car on the planet for its time.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's probably stickered for like 750 grand or something back in the, you know, 93, 94 something. I don't know.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, yep. And then to Your point, the 95 edition was the last street legal version of that car. Like it was just too much, you know, it was like basically an airplane on wheels.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a 200 mile an hour car back when, you know, there weren't too many 200 mile an hour cars, I don't think on the street. On the street.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, it was going for one point. 1.1.

[Adam Carolla]

Dealer markup.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, dealer markup, pounds. And you know, and I worked in a dealership too, just so you know, dealer markup. And, and I asked him, he said one point. When I said man, he said, he said chop, that's you know, 1.1. And I said, okay. I said, I'll be back for it in three years. He looked at me like I was crazy. And in three years I came back and that was like my first car.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I gotta say, those cars, I don't know if you still have it or not. You do? Yeah. Good, because those things have gone up in value quite a bit over the last few years. And you can't say that about a lot of cars. I mean modern day cars, you know, if you bought a Ferrari in 1994, it would not be worth four times or five times as much as it's worth today if you bought a Marinella 550 or I'm trying to think of what they had in 94, 95. But let's just say you bought a 550 Ferrari in 1995. That Ferrari would have cost you $155,000, $160,000 and it'd be worth 75 to 100k today. So that's a little drop. This car, you know, million bucks, probably worth three, three and a half today. I don't know, I got to get Jay on the line and figure it out.

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, the car is incredible because it's sort of like the way somebody loves Basquiat, the painter, Michelangelo. You know, at times, you know, they feel like we're, we're overboarding and ODing. But for me, just the, the architect of someone that think that far. You know, sometimes I have a 19, 1932 Zephyr and at times I'm looking at this car and I'm like, who created this thing? What did the person have in their mind?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing I love about it is it wasn't. I mean, it was one guy, but 200 guys worked on it. And I love the fact. The form and the function part. I love the fact that there's a bunch of engineers and artists, you know, working together. I love the fact that there's some woman, old Italian woman, who's been working on the same sewing machine, stitching the hides together. You know, I love it. Like, I've gone to the Aston Martin factory in Gaydon outside. Outside of London, you know, and, you know, they're saying to you when they're explaining to you, well, we use all our hides, all our cow hides. We contract with a special farmer, you know, cattle rancher. And this guy's in the Netherlands, and they don't use barbed wire because it nicks up the skin, you know, so this guy. So all our hides have no scuffs or nicks or scars on them. And the. And they're all sewed by these two women, and they don't mix and match. If one woman sews one car, she does the entire car because her sewing machine may be a little bit different than the other one's sewing machine. And they don't want the pattern to be any different. I love that. And I'll tell you, when you walk through one of those factories, like Ferrari Aston Martin, something like that, you look around and you just go, well, this is what human beings can do when they're motivated and when they're not fighting and trying to kill each other, this is what they can do. And you turn on the news and you see the latest terrorist attack or whatever's going on, wherever it's going on, ethnic cleansing, whatever's going on, and you go, what the fuck is wrong with us? And then you go to the factory of Aston Martin and you go, wow, we're pretty good. So it's one of these things where if you ever get depressed, go hop on a plane and go take a tour of the Aston Martin. Because when you see the craftsmanship, when you see. And there's a million different guys and they all have their one department.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And one guy's just doing the bodywork, and he's old school.

[Wyclef Jean]

No, that's incredible. I'd say, for me, my greatest highest was probably going to Abu Dhabi in the Ferrari city.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

Like, that was pretty insane. Like, every Ferrari possible. And the. You know, it's like going into Disneyland of Ferraris.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

And. But the fact that people love it so much that they would actually build an entire city Never even knew there

[Adam Carolla]

was a Ferrari city in Abu Dhabi in insane, man. Wow. And. And what do they have? They have everything new and old.

[Wyclef Jean]

Everything Ferrari, everything new and old from race on down. And then they even have rides. So they tie it with. With the themes where you can get on amusement, you know, it's like an amusement park with all Ferraris.

[Adam Carolla]

Christ. I was. Well, speaking of cars, as long as we're talking about cars, I was at Bruce Meyer's place. You guys can find a picture of Bruce Meyer. Bruce Meyer's cars. This dude has. I was there today. Little storefront right in the middle of Beverly Hills. Wouldn't even know it. Just a door. Just a door in the middle of everything, right in the middle of Beverly Hills and, you know, just the most crowded part of Beverly Hills. And there's just a door that's his home garage. I think we need to find a picture of his work garage because there's more. And you open the door and you go up some stairs and you go to the back. And it was an old. It was the first parking structure that was built in Beverly Hills in 1929. And now it's filled with Ferraris and gull wing Mercedes and motorcycles and just everything under the sun. And by the way, you know, as a car collector, you know, he's pointing at the Cobra and you're going, wow, that's a nice. That's a nice Cobra. And he goes, yeah, this is the first. First one ever built. And your brain's just going, what's this? 4 million 5, 3 million, 3, 5, 3, 7, 3, 5. Would he take four? Like crazy. Crazy what this guy has. So you have. You got the Zephyr, right? You got the McLaren? Yeah, you're gonna get the new McLaren.

[Wyclef Jean]

I looked into the new McLaren, but, you know, it's no need for that.

[Adam Carolla]

You can get it when you need to. I gotta tell you. I'll tell you what pisses me off. You tell me how you feel about this. I hate it when chicks. And I'm not talking about Danica Patrick, I'm talking about Paris Hilton. When I see pictures of her leaning against her Lexus lfa, I get angry because it's like, she doesn't drive. She don't know how to drive that car. What's she got there?

[Penn Jillette]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

There she is in her Lexus lfa. And I was driving down the street the other day, and I saw. I was driving down Sunset, and I pulled up on a new McLaren. And this was a few months ago, so I hadn't seen too many on the street yet. And I was like, ooh, what is that? McLaren? And then I pulled up and there were like two 23 year old chicks driving it. And I thought, what the hell? And then at the next stoplight I was looking in on, and one pulls up some Taco Bell and she's just eating Taco Bell in her new McLaren. And I'm like, I'm thinking, what the fuck is going on? Some, some guy busted his ass to make a car that would turn the Nurburgring two seconds faster than anything ever.

[Wyclef Jean]

Blasphemy, man.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it is.

[Wyclef Jean]

That's blasphemy, period. Yeah, in the car world, that's blasphemy, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Could you imagine somebody eating Taco bell in your McLaren?

[Wyclef Jean]

Ain't gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Not gonna happen. Right? So now what else do you have?

[Wyclef Jean]

I have like, I. I like 58 pink Cadillacs, you know, I like the tail, you know, I think that's really cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you, do you do events? Do you go around? Do you, do you go to some of the shows?

[Wyclef Jean]

When I was like, younger, I had. Had more time, you know. Now it's not that much time, you know. My favorite thing to do when I have little time is get one of, like inside of one of my old vintage and just go through Times Square, like just very, very slow, like 11:30 at night when the sun is coming down and just, you know, just cruise. That's like my future favorite thing to do.

[Adam Carolla]

You're on the. Based on the East Coast?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yes, yes. I'm originally based in the east coast and stuff. And I love bikes too, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Motorcycles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do too. So a lot of bikes on motorcycle. And it's tough when you're in New York.

[Wyclef Jean]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

A, you got the weather, B, you gotta pay if you want to park your cars in the city. I mean, it's tough. It's a. It's tough for dudes who like cars.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, no, a lot of, of my stuff now is in Miami, you know, like, you can't, you're not gonna leave a lot of it. You know, Miami is easy. My mother's in Miami. So the only bad part is I feel I just don't get enough time with the cars, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

So now what? We'll step back for a second now. So the fugees are blowing up and everything's going great, and then what happens? Is it because, I don't know if you guys broke up because you got into an argument or you just Broke up because it was time to do something.

[Wyclef Jean]

El. Well, in the book I talk about it. I talk about the heated affair, the love triangle at the time that I was having with Lauren at the time of the group. And I talked about the fact that I was married at the time and then being married and then I have Lauren and I'm in the middle.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got a. Being married and going out on the road with the 22 year old. Lauryn Hill's gotta be a little rough. I mean, in the temptation department, right?

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, it's like you read these stories about. Because before me there was Marvin Gaye, Tammy Terrell. You look and you're like, no, it's not gonna be me. No, it's not gonna be me. I think in any situation, if you're spending a lot of time with the person.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in hotel rooms.

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, not just in hotel rooms. Cause you're in the studio. So if we're in the studio, we're recording, we're there. If we're on stage, we're performing, we're there, we're at the hotel, we all watching a movie, we're there.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

So eventually that led into a deep passion, which, which later, you know, like I say in my book, that's really what led to. To the breakup, I would say of

[Adam Carolla]

the group, you know, because. Well, hold on a second. I wonder if I should tease this. Hey, ask Dawson, ask Mike if he wants to take a quick break or just want to. No, no reason. All right. Okay. So you have this incredible love affair with Lauryn Hill, who's in the group with you. And it's a double edged sword because on one hand you see him all the time and on the other hand you see them all the time and you can't get away from them. And if things don't go well, it's really hard to be on stage. I'm guessing travel and work with this. I mean, every band, not every band, but bands do it sometimes with love affairs and then sometimes they just become the Eagles and everyone hates each other's guts. You know what I mean? Like something happens. There's a relationship of sorts. So you guys have this relationship. Do you divorce your wife? Do you break up with your wife?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, I don't. I definitely don't divorce my wife. I stayed with her and I stayed with Lauren at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

And your wife, how's your wife with this? Oh, not happy.

[Wyclef Jean]

Of course not happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, stupid question.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, insanely not happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

And. But in the book, you know, you're writing a memoir, so you gotta go back there and just say it raw the way it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So your wife knows what's going on?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, she didn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she didn't know?

[Wyclef Jean]

Nah, she didn't know. You know, one time she was like, gets me in a car. Was like, you know, we got to put an end to this. Her and Lauren get in the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Wyclef Jean]

And. And I talk about in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it the McLaren?

[Wyclef Jean]

I'm sweating my balls. No, this is way before that.

[Adam Carolla]

Cuz that's got the center seat with the two seats on each side of it. So they could have done that?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, no, it wasn't nothing like that.

[Adam Carolla]

You could have sat in the middle. All right, so they get, oh, so it's you, your wife and Lauryn Hill in the car. Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

And I have to make a decision. You feel me? Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

And is your wife saying it's me or her or Lauren saying it's, it's, you know, make a decision.

[Wyclef Jean]

That's how it went down.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. So what'd you say?

[Wyclef Jean]

You know, I ended up. I have a song in the, my album the Carnival. When I talk about this very chapter and I say I'm in love with two women, who is it going to be? No, now, you know, I knew that I love my wife because of the simplicity, love being at home. And she was a go getter too. She was modeling at the time. And then at the time, I love being in the studio with Lauren and I love the music we was making. You know, I eventually ended up finishing the Fuji stuff and then, you know, I was married more to my wife.

[Adam Carolla]

So you picked your wife over Lauren Hill?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, eventually.

[Adam Carolla]

And so Lauren didn't get over that.

[Wyclef Jean]

No. But now keep. Now, now this is where the story gets deep. So the law of karma, right? You know, you just think, man, I'm going to do stuff and ain't nothing going to happen to me. You feel me?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

And the part of the book that, the gossip part that they pull out, because there's eight chapters in the book and you went through all the chapters so we could talk about this was the, the, the part when her first kid was going to be born, you know, Lawrence.

[Adam Carolla]

Lawrence, first child.

[Wyclef Jean]

And for a while I thought that that was my child.

[Adam Carolla]

Because she told you that?

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, a combination of her telling me that and also a combination of why wouldn't it be, you know, know, at the time. And I think that part of it, you know, when there's a kid involved, I Don't get into the depth, the deepness of that. But inside of the memoir, it was important to. For a Fujifan. What. What is the missing piece? Because you just don't get it. You're like, what happened, Clef? Did this group break up? You know, and you just asked it. You was like, what? Because it was here, and then it disappeared.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Wyclef Jean]

And that sort of, like, was the component. So once that happened, I talk about the fact that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me. Let me just make sure we're all clear here for a second. Lauryn Hill gets pregnant or is pregnant, but this is after. Now you've made your decision to stay with your wife, but you're assuming that that child is your child.

[Wyclef Jean]

Even though I'm staying with my wife, I'm still little back and forth, rotating. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So then your dad would not approve of this, I don't think. Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

Of course not.

[Adam Carolla]

No. See what the devil music makes you do? He may have had a point. All right, just stay in the church. But now you're doing a little rotation, and you're assuming that's your kid, because if that's not your kid, then Lauryn Hill's cheating on you. In a sense, yes.

[Wyclef Jean]

At the time and at the year. In the early 20s, of course. Just the adolescent years. You know, you're a rock star. You think everything belongs to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? No, it's great being a dude because while you're cheating on your wife, you could be yelling at the woman you're cheating with, you slut. I can't believe you're sleeping with somebody else. Which is exactly what you're doing, essentially,

[Wyclef Jean]

of course, at the time, definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

So it ends up not being your child. How do you find that out?

[Wyclef Jean]

I find that out basically by being in the hospital, you know, not during a delivery or anything. You know, just showing up, sitting down, you know, waiting patiently. You feel me? And of course, when the child is born, I'm clear that that's not. That's not my child. And not riding donkey.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, I mean, like, white dude.

[Wyclef Jean]

Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was like, different color, different. Just like.

[Wyclef Jean]

I just know that you just know. I just knew, you know, and I left.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a second. Hold on. Sorry. I don't know. Like, my kids, when I saw them, I really wouldn't know. They're twins. Like, I wouldn't go, that's my boy and that's my girl. Like, I couldn't tell. But if the kid. Now, the kid was a couple of shades off of me. I might tell something. Is that what we're talking about, or.

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, I just knew, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

You just knew? Really?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's a Haitian thing, because I'm from North Hollywood. We don't just know anything.

[Wyclef Jean]

That's definitely a Haitian kid. I look and say, no, no, no,

[Adam Carolla]

no, no, no, no, not your blood.

[Wyclef Jean]

I just know, you know, and. And I left, you know, and it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that it? I mean, is there any Fugee reconciliation? Any Fuji reunion tour? Is it? And I know there's that thing where it's like, listen, I want the best for Lauren, and maybe she says the same thing about you, but realistically, could you guys be in the same room? Could you make music? Could you go out on stage together?

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, Dave Chappelle came and got the Fugees all back together, and we did the Dave Chappelle Block Party. Then we all went in the studio and attempted to try some form of reunion album. Yeah, the vibes just, you know, like, you could just. It was just not it, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Wyclef Jean]

At the time, just. We ain't feel it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, women, they have pretty good memories. Yes, they do. I. I found my experience with women is they don't have fantastic memories when it comes to dates. Like, you know, when certain battles took place in World War II and stuff like that. But if you fuck them over, they do remember that stuff pretty well.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, they remember the time, the date, the whole.

[Adam Carolla]

They remember shitty things you said when you were drunk. Even when they were drunk. Oh, yeah, they remember all that shit really good. Remembering where their keys and cell phone. Not as important as remembering super shitty things that you may have done or said. And that stuff is always brand new. It's like they keep it in Tupperware and it's fresh. Dudes, I do find, move on. I mean, guys who they were fighting with, they can be friends with a year down the road. Women, not so much. They hang on. So that's probably that. But you tried it. The vibe wasn't there. And you're doing your own thing.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, I mean, you know, there's a phrase that say, never say never. Right. So the possibility of the future. I've seen all kind of rock bands get back together. People was like, man, they will not get back together. You know, it's impossible.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there. I mean, they're. Yeah. I mean, it's a legendary guys throw, having fist fights and stuff like that. And then 10 years later. Well, sometimes money helps.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah. But I would say in. In the case of the Fugees, Like I told you, they was throwing all kind of money. And if the Fugees right now say they want to do a tour, they're gonna throw all kind of money, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Wyclef Jean]

You know, like. Like I tell you, like in Bono's. Bono from U2, one of my favorite bands, you know, Know, like, Bono one time was talking to me. He's like, man, what's going on? You know, y' all like the black Beatles of hip hop, right? When I first heard y', all, y' all had the band, y' all was playing guitar, y' all was singing, you know, and he's like, for the core of the music, y' all can. Y' all can't stop doing that, you know? Right. So there's a lot of people that would want to see that. You know what I mean? I. I just don't see it, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it's. It's one of these things that sad, because it's like. I don't know, it's like when a painter kills themselves in their 20s or something. Like, how much more work could have come out of that dude? You know what I mean?

[Wyclef Jean]

Well, I mean, you know, that's one way to look at it. Another way I looked at it is if the Fugees was going, then I probably would have never wrote the first song for Destiny Child, which became no, no, no, which was a hit. I probably wouldn't have wrote Maria, Maria for Carlos Santana, which became a hit. I probably wouldn't have wrote Shakira Hips Don't Lie, which became a hit. I probably wouldn't have ran for president of my country. So there's. There's two sides to it. I just know when you're in a band and it's more than one person, your whole focus and energy is how do you make that band better?

[Adam Carolla]

You wouldn't have written a book Purpose, by the way. And I know it because I lost a radio gig, and when I lost a radio gig, I wrote a book. And I don't want. I wouldn't have written a book if I was working every single day and getting up at five in the morning and doing it. I just would have said, I'm too busy or I can't do it. I don't know what the time is. So, I mean, yeah, one door closes and another one opens, and people don't seem to realize. If you're good, one door closes and another one opens, and if you're not good, the door closes. It gets welded shut and you never get back in the house. But, Wycliffe, you're obviously talented. So when you leave the band, you take your talent with you, and you just start applying it in different directions, and you'll always have that. That doesn't get left behind with the Fuji. And so for you, you have this luxury of talent and that. Not everyone has that luxury. Do you know what I mean?

[Wyclef Jean]

I love talent, and I love finding talent, and I love discovering people, you know? But my range, really. You know, I remember when I was doing my video for Gone to November, for example, and I asked Bob Dylan to come down to the video shoot, you know, and even the director thought I had an imaginary friend. I was like, yeah, yeah, Bob Dylan coming, whatever. Bob Dylan ain't even show up for Jacob Dylan. What the hell make you think he's gonna show up for you, man? And Bob shows up at the video shoot. And when Bob Dylan is like, man, you know, you remind me of an old chap that used to play bass with me, you know, like when he says that to me, that just stays inside of my brain, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, the good thing about you, Wycliffe, is you're cool. So people want to be associated with you. You know what I mean? And I don't know how you get cool. You have to earn it. But some of it's just a little je ne sais quoi, you know?

[Wyclef Jean]

It's just there, Je ne sais quoi.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. That's how you say it. Yeah. Yeah. So no one wants to disappoint Wycliffe, and everyone wants to go. Yeah, that guy's cool. You know, that guy invited me down. And again, I don't know how you get it. Some of it is earned, and some of it is just it. But you got it, baby. Hold on. Let me give a little love to one of our sponsors, Encore Insurance. That's right. Encore Insurance, llc. You need some life insurance. You want a free quote? 866-347-5748. Or you can visit them [e-mail]. listen, man, you don't know. One minute you're in the Fugees, next minute, you're on. You're on your own life. Life's not predictable. And by the way, the road is not all paved with McLaren's. Sometimes there's little setbacks. You got to take care of your family. What if something happens? What if you wrap that McLaren around an oak tree? You got to take care of that family. Give them a call. 866-34757. 4, 8. We have one of our sales guys here, Kit. He's 36, non smoker, 20 year, $500,000 policy for less than 30 bucks a month. Month Encore licensing and disclaimer information can be [e-mail] that is smartterm.com. wycliffe, you got to meet with Sean Penn about the Haitian National Choir. That's what I'm told.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm told. You have to. I'm getting a message saying, oh, man, what a life you have. What a goddamn life. The name of the book, book Purpose. It is an immigrant's story. Who do you hope reads this book? Well, not who do you hope, but what do you hope people get from this book?

[Wyclef Jean]

I hope they get triumph. No matter what you think you're going through, somebody is going through something worse. Like when you was comparing it from, you know, what is the hut compared to how we living here? And sometimes we hear and we complaining about we need more work or we don't have something to eat, eat today. You know, just always know that it's alright for us here because somebody else got it worse, you know, could be

[Adam Carolla]

eating dirt and riding a donkey. Mm. Book, by the way, available on Amazon. And one of the things that's nice. Speaking of, one door shuts, another opens. I would have never started this and had this studio if I didn't lose my radio job. And now it's coming on four years, never looked back. And when people support this show, they go. When they go to buy your book off Amazon, they go to my website and they click on the Amazon banner. Pow.

[Wyclef Jean]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

We get to wet our beaks as well. So you can help Wyclef. You can get his book, you can get some knowledge, and you can give us a little love as well. The ebook has five songs and videos, by the way, so you want to check out the ebook version of Purpose as well. Wycliffe, this is. It's been. Been fun, man.

[Wyclef Jean]

It's been really cool. You're a cool dude, man. Your collection is rad, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Oh. I gotta admit that my whole.

[Wyclef Jean]

This is the best interview because this the coolest interview. When I show up, first thing I do, go to the garage and see the cars.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a genius. Everybody, we're playing Indio Performance Performing Arts center coming up this Thursday, October 25th with Graham Parker, one of my favorites. And that's exciting. Cobbs Comedy Club coming up, San Francisco, four shows, November 17th through the 18th. And all that good stuff, Redondo Beach Performing Arts center, next Saturday, October 27th, with Dennis Prager, Wycliffe Jean. Dennis Prager. Same dude? Yeah. All right, so. So until next time, this is Adam Crolla for Wyclef Jean saying, mahalo. Pluto tv has thousands of free movies and tv shows.

[Wyclef Jean]

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

[Adam Carolla]

With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator. Are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now pay never. That was Adam Kohler show 920 with Adam Wycliffe. Coming up for our final clip today

[Penn Jillette]

was Adam Cole Show 943 featuring legendary Graham Parker, along with Alison Rose and Brian Bishop from 2012 and a very excited Adam. Hope you guys enjoyed this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam. Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

And good day, bald Brian the fan.

[Bald Brian]

Little hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a little hot, but not with that fan on. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Graham Parker coming in. And it just. For me, there's a couple reasons, or there are, I guess, what you call perks. Perks for being in this business. And it's getting to meet people whose work you really enjoy. And I met a few of my idols over the years, but I've never met Graham Parker. I met John Hyatt many years ago, and I got him just booked onto Loveline at some point. And then I went and saw him do a show, and it was the greatest moment of my life. Because.

[Bald Brian]

Was it Loveline? Because he was on the radio show for sure, the morning show. Was it both.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a Loveline first, and he was doing a song called Slow Turning, and he might have it somewhere. One of his few hits. Although, see, to me, I know 150 Graham Parker songs and 150 John Hyde songs, and I love them all, but they've never. No human being has ever heard them. And it always drives. It's what I do at night. This is Slow Turning. I get a little buzzed. And then I force Lynette to listen to Graham Parker songs. And then she always makes the mistake of saying. She makes the mistake of saying, wow, that's a really good song. How come I've never heard this song? And I go, because you have to fucking hear Maneater. Because you have to hear maneater for the 26,000th time. That's why you can't hear this song. No human ears should hear this song because you have to hear fucking Maneater or Witchy Woman again. But I get. You can leave it on. I get Hyde in, and I'm kissing his ass and just tell him, you know, I was in high school and I was a huge John Hyatt fan, and no one knew who John Hyatt was. And I saw Graham Parker and John Hyatt together at the Greek and in probably 1981 or something like that. So Hyatt's got a good sense of humor, and he's written a lot of songs for Bonnie Raitt and a lot of soundtracks and done all right for himself in Nashville and really good in concert. And I go. He invites me to the concert that night. So I go out to the concert that night, and we're standing at the El Rey Theater over there on Wilshire Boulevard, right by the old Keep It Going. And he's up on stage and he's singing this song, and I'm just in the audience, just jumping up and down with my beer buzz, like, enjoying myself. And on Lynette's shoulders, on Lynette's shoulders, I got my top pulled over my head. And he comes. He comes into this part right here. Because I got the radio down. And then he goes, and where's Drew? Where's Adam? On the radio. Like, it's like Charlotte was streaming. He's like. And I'm listening to Adam Pearl on the radio. And I'm like. Because I was fucking cleaning carpets and listening to this in my Walkman, you know? And he's up there screaming my name when he's got the radio on in his car. And, you know, for him, he has a sense of humor, and he just did Loveline the night before. So he goes into, like, a little riff where he's like, adam, where are you? Adam? Drew, where are you? I need some help, you know? And I'm like. But I'm going insane because I'm here, John. I'm here, buddy. Crying so you can pot it down. Not too much. So here I am. And, you know, for me, it's not just that I was fans of these guys, but I was. You can bring down a little more, Brian, if you like. I was living in a garage and cleaning carpets and had a fucking shitty life and a shitty job and a shitty everything. And, you know, when you're depressed and you're poor and everything looks like just 10 miles of hell out in front of you. And not only did the immediate future look pretty. Pretty grim and bleak for me, the luck, you know, the horizon looked pretty fucking horrible, too, because I was like, people, we don't talk about it. That much. But worst economy as bad as it is now and actually worse. It was 1982. 83. No jobs to be found. Parents lackluster meets. Doesn't give a shit meets. We have no money meets. I don't know anyone who has a union job and can get you into doing construction. Fashions are terrible meets bad fashion meets a bunch of friends who have the same parents as I do with no money. And all of us just sort of sitting around. And I would just meets. No girlfriend meets. It's hotter than shit and I have no air conditioning. And I would just sit around and listen to Graham Parker and John Hyde. It would make me feel better sometimes, depending on what the song was. It'd make me feel great or bad or whatever. But all those things that songs bring out. And for me to be in a position later on in life, much like when probably the same feeling the first time that Jimmy felt the first time he went fly fishing with Huey Lewis.

[Bald Brian]

And a little bit less the second time and a little bit less the third time. And yes, by the ninth or tenth

[Allison Rosen]

time, what does he have a standing fly fishing date with Huey Lewis?

[Adam Carolla]

They do a lot of fly fishing. And then it's funny, if you pan over just 20ft to the right, you see the news. You like Huey Lewis in the news, still wearing the suits, heads bowed, standing in the water. Huey forbids them for participating, but he

[Bald Brian]

still wants them there in unison.

[Adam Carolla]

No, just sitting. Just sitting, heads down.

[Bald Brian]

Not a lot of fish.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not allowed to fish. More fish for Huey and Jimmy.

[Bald Brian]

He's the alpha male.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Jimmy tweeted me a picture or tweeted me. He sent me a, you know, instant message text, a picture up on the raised rail that I talked about in New York. That was so cool. I was talking about this on the show.

[Allison Rosen]

The High Line.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the High Line. I never come up with the right name. Me and Phil Rosenthal told you walked up on it and walked all around. So you're halfway through the city with it. And everyone. I talked. It was one of those things where I got back to LA and I was saying to everybody, hey, you gotta check out this high line. And they're like, huh? And they're all from there. And they're like, what?

[Allison Rosen]

It snuck up on everyone. Cause I used to live there. And I wasn't even aware that it had opened until we went back.

[Adam Carolla]

So he text dyed me a nice picture of him and Molly up on the highway line, which I thought was sweet. All right, so

[Allison Rosen]

do you have a Recording of him talking about you. Because if not, you should put it out there via this podcast in case anyone happens to have a bootleg or anything, because that'd be so cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Of who? What?

[Allison Rosen]

Of John Hyatt singing your name.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. It would have been. This would have been like 98 or something. It was probably pre. Everyone had a phone and a whatever. But, yeah, if somebody has it. But that was.

[Bald Brian]

That was prime time for, like, Dave Matthews Band and those types of bands whose fans were. You know, the. The recording off the soundboard thing was very popular.

[Adam Carolla]

I will. I will be more. Okay, listen, I bullshitted you. He never did it. I didn't go to the show. He held out, man. Cow. God damn it. You painted me into a corner. What was I supposed to say?

[Allison Rosen]

Damn it? I did not say.

[Adam Carolla]

So uncomfortable.

[Bald Brian]

He changed the layers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yelled out, grease, man. With the grease, man. So. All right, Couple nice moves. Was able to take my kids out for a nice walk. Of course, my daughter announced she had to take a pee as soon as we got to the top of the hill. And I said, fool me once, shame on me. No, you. And I said, listen. She said, daddy, help me. And I said, I'm not. I got to figure this. I got to figure the angle out this time because I can't have any more pissing into the. Into the boots, you know?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you gotta fold her up and hold her like a machine gun.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I thought about that, but I was trying to, uh.

[Wyclef Jean]

Oh,

[Adam Carolla]

I was trying to get her. I need to be a little heated up here. Yeah, I need. I need to get her away from me. But I figured out she did the whiz thing. That was a good thing. Then we got this whole system worked out. We're about 11:30, 12:00 clock at night, 12:30, I come up there, wake her up, up, pick her up, put her on the pot, get her all cleaned out, squeeze her, wring her out over the pot, then put her back on the bed. Not been. Not been wetting herself last night, 11:30, went up to pick her up, found a nice, big warm patch of water right where she was.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's not water.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was, but now it's not. And I did the right thing. Called the water, said, take care of this. She took care of it. And I don't know what the system is anymore, because I don't know. It was an hour earlier than I went the night before, and she'd whizzed all over herself.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of whiz, she's getting Ready for the time change.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, is that coming? Always catch me by surprise. Either I don't care or I'm really stupid, or a combination of both, which is volatile, you know what I mean? I think it is. I think it is. My son was explaining that he was bullied at school. And I said, well, what do you mean, bullied at school? First off, I know there's no bullying, no real bullying that goes on. And he's like, yeah, I was bullied. And I said, well, now what happened? And he said, well, I was telling a story, and Buddy Hinton, or whatever the bully's name was.

[Allison Rosen]

Very 40s name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think that was the bully's name. The bully's name from the Brady Bunch, I think was Buddy Hinton. But anyway, it's back when, you know, they take husky white guys. Put a butch haircut on him and his friend Lampwick. Yes, Buddy Hinton was. He said he was Brady Bunch. He was. So I said, well, Sonny, what happened? What kind of bullying? I don't see any marks on you. What happened with the bullying? And he said, I'll tell you what happened. I was telling him a story, and he put both his fingers in his ears. This now kind. By the way, your dad gets tuned out. You have no idea the kind of bowling that takes place on a regular basis with me. I mean, no fingers in the ears, but the emotional fingers in the ears, it's just the insane tuning out. I mean, come on. I'm aware of what's going on, but putting fingers in the ears is now. That constitutes bullying. And then he paused and he went, well, he also hit me in the penis. And I went, now we got something. Then I thought, this kid, I think

[Allison Rosen]

he followed with that.

[Adam Carolla]

He followed with that. He was setting the table. You know what I mean? He was setting the table with that. And then he just. But the one he. One that went off the wall in the power alley, that was the punch and the junk.

[Bald Brian]

He's gonna be a good negotiator someday.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but listen, you don't start off with your best joke. You know, you set the table and then you come.

[Allison Rosen]

He should take the temperature, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So I was rope a doped.

[Allison Rosen]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

He punched you in the penis? Well, he hit me. I don't know. My son's got. He claimed I hit him in the ding a ling when I was teaching him how to box the other day, and he's taught him how to box. I got him in on the heavy bag. I got him in his stance. I May have brushed it. I got him in on the stance. I got him throwing the punches and doing the whole nine yards. But I said, well, I'm just gonna have to make you a little better boxer in Casey. And he's like, I can't punch him. I was like, well, if he picks on you. No, no, then I'll get into trouble. They have this stuff so carved into these kids minds by the first grade. Like, there is no more that, you know, I mean, every third sitcom and After School Special and everything was about. I mean, it's the Karate Kid story. It's. He's getting picked on, so he learns how to. You know, it's the Atlas thing in the back of the Spider man comic book. Like, he gets sand kicked on him by the. But then he starts working out. Now he's kicking the. There's no more. Now he's working out. There's just. He's going to the principal. It'd be super boring for the comic books, wouldn't it be? And at the end of Karate Kid, by the way, two minutes into act one, he ratted out the Cobra Kai gym to one of the principals and they all got busted.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Instead of sweep the leg, it's like, fill out a form.

[Adam Carolla]

Fill out a form, Donny. Right. And that'd be the end. I had a problem with that. That'd be the end of the whole thing. All right, so fingers in the ears, which I liked was bowling. But the flick of the Bic, evidently not a good thing. Something I was thinking about, our dog's getting a little bit old. And, you know, we've been kind of talking about that maybe we'll get a little puppy dog in here and get Molly. And then I realized, you know, you have to sell it to Molly as, hey, we got you a playmate. You know what I mean? But then I just want to say this to all the dogs that are listening. When you're having difficulty getting up on the bed and you're 11 and a half, so you're 88 years old or whatever you are, and you got a little hip dysplasia and you can't see out of one eye, and somebody shows up and goes, we got you a playmate. That means you're dying.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, and by the way, for the dog, it's gotta be, you got me a playmate. Now I can't move. What happened to something I could fuck five years ago? Now you got me playmate. This is bullshit. I'm being replaced. That's what's going, this is fresh blood.

[Allison Rosen]

What would the puppy's name be?

[Adam Carolla]

I would not get a puppy I had a conversation with. Well, first off, every time I talk to Mike August, I hear this dog, like, bellowing in the back.

[Allison Rosen]

And Mike August has a dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike August has a dog. Well, he got married, so he's got to get the dog. She gets married, she gets a dog. And then like a lot of like, hey, don't chew the curtain, you know? And like, I've had that thing with the puppy where they go, everyone's got this thing where you put them in the crate. Now get something and have these things that make sense. You know where they go. Get something that reminds them of you. Something with your smell on it, like a slipper. Something. Something they've already chewed on, but it's got your scent on it.

[Allison Rosen]

Get a T shirt and put it in your hamper, Rub it all over your body and then put it in the crate.

[Adam Carolla]

And then. And that'll calm them because they're like. And then you. And then what you do is you have to turn a radio on in the room, like a little talk radio. And then smash cut to you in bed rolling over, and you're like, I want to fucking backhand that bitch who told me this advice. You should just do that with everyone who gives you advice about dogs. Like where they go. If you want them to stop peeing where they're peeing. Put a little. Put a little white vinegar on that spot and then take a piece of thing and then put it. You should just backhand them and see a of lot. It's never going to work because you go home bursting with confidence and enthusiasm. Okay, I just got to get a T shirt, put it in the crate, and I'll put a little AM radio. No, no. That night, still crying, still pawing. And I've done that thing where it's like you put them in the crate, you lay in bed and you go, okay, it's been 20 minutes. They're going to fall asleep. Like, they cannot keep this up the entire. Oh, yes, they can. Oh, yes, they fucking can.

[Allison Rosen]

They have crazy puppy energy. You know who else's puppy I think is a terror is Dr. Drew's dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Because I follow his wife on Instagram.

[Adam Carolla]

They chew everything.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's the deal. It's not quite as cool. Get the one year old.

[Allison Rosen]

See, just today I was looking at Pet Finder. I thought, I'm gonna kill five hours. So I was looking at Pet Finder

[Adam Carolla]

and I turned into seven, but go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I was thinking there's so many adult or one year old they call one year old baby, which I don't think so. That's a seven year old in dog years. But there's so many of those dogs and there's just not that many true puppies. And I was thinking I should really just. If I'm gonna get a dog, I should really get an older one. But God, I want the puppy.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but you want the puppy because it's so cute. I must tell you this. I had the puppy. I had the German shepherd puppy. She yelped, she chewed, she chewed and she yelped. She knocked over the barrier thing, she jumped over the barrier thing, she pissed and shit everywhere and then she died. Chewed and then she died.

[Penn Jillette]

You shot her?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So then Molly girl came into my life like one year old, knew her name, pissed and shit outside, gave her the. Didn't. Literally. You could leave if you had slippers that were made of jerky. I do, and I don't know why because you'd probably be attacked by coyotes when he got the newspaper. But if you had jerky based slippers you could. And a hat that was made of giblets and leave them. Sounds like a Jewish curse. You should wear a hat made of giblets and run through a cave filled with crows.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, your ears should be replaced with chicken livers.

[Adam Carolla]

So the. You allergic to Jewisms?

[Bald Brian]

I must be.

[Adam Carolla]

So my dog Molly, if you left slippers that were made of Slim Jims out would sniff it and never chew it. Like literally. And if you're sitting at the table and you gave her a scrap, she'd like take it very gently in her gum and make sure like gentle. Didn't piss inside, didn't shit inside. Would have those days when it's like, oh, she got locked in for 14 hours and no one was here and I thought you were coming home. No, I was going straight to work and just sat there having to piss but never doing it.

[Allison Rosen]

Possibly she used the toilet.

[Adam Carolla]

Possibly. Possibly. Yeah. I swear that seat was up when I left. Either way, when you experience that versus the crate, the crying and the chewing, you will almost immediately be over the novelty of the cuteness. Of the cuteness.

[Allison Rosen]

How long does the it's awful but cute phase last when there are puppets?

[Adam Carolla]

When somewhere around night two, when you want to either put them into a. A water balloon launcher and just fire them into the nearest yard or against the closest brick wall, or when you just want to take a nine Iron and put them out in the backyard and just try to launch them into the alley. The cuteness when the sleep. Sleep deprivation trumps all cuteness.

[Allison Rosen]

Does this call for humans too? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You could have the fucking. I could be dating a drunken Scarlet Johansson who just wanted to fuck and talk. My girth would be annoying. Did you know something? I don't know? I just made that up. Okay. I would get at night number two, I'd be annoyed she's been tweeting about it. Okay? That's what I said. I'd just be like, sweetie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about my girth anymore. I'm fucking exhausted. Get your tits out of my face. I want to go to bed. Let's face it, sleep just takes the fucking top pyramid block. And it only takes three nights of no sleep before you start looking at that dog as a little pain in the ass little devil dog hound from hell. That's right. I watched a lot of TV specials in the 80s and late 70s.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you ever have a pound puppy? The stuffed animal.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Remember those?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Short lived, like giant beanie babies.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I had friends who had those.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, sure, sure. Friends.

[Bald Brian]

Close friends.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a friend who had Digger the dog. That's as close as I. As I got Digger the dog Digger. He goes with you when you explore. That's short. Like Leon Redbone would sing the song

[Allison Rosen]

he sang the Mr. Belvedere theme song, I believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Holy shit. We'll find the Digger the dog. Digger the dog Digger. He goes with you when you explore.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

His legs leash and go for a dog. I'd love I had that. But with have it. We'll have it in a second. But I. I swear to God, if I try to give. All right, let's see if we can dig the dog, Digger, he goes with

[Graham Parker]

you when you explore.

[Penn Jillette]

Let's pull his leash.

[Adam Carolla]

Go for a walk. He's your dog for sure. What's your dog's name? Digga Digga the dog.

[Allison Rosen]

What did I say?

[Adam Carolla]

Why you white male man. Go for a walk, he's your dog for sure. Figure the dog, when you pull his string, he walks five feet from Romper Room.

[Allison Rosen]

Cold, hard, molded plastic. Very unsatisfying. If what you want is an actual

[Adam Carolla]

dog, a whole 60 inches worth of movement on his own. We gotta get that to Kimmel for unnecessary censorship. Yeah. Drop a little BLEEP in there. Yeah, walk out. If I gave my kids that for a toy, they'd be like, fuck off, old man. I'll choke you out with his leash.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not even a remote control.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing here. Where's it plug in? Where's it charged? Where's the batteries? Where's the solar panels?

[Allison Rosen]

Why is it wearing a hat?

[Adam Carolla]

Blows ass. Yeah, it's a weird dog. It was like a sort of detective dog, except for I don't know what you were doing exactly.

[Bald Brian]

He was a bloodhound.

[Adam Carolla]

Digger the dog Digger, he go. And that's also so. Yeah, that's what kids from the 70s really respond to 20s crooner music. Anyway, that was hot. I didn't have one, of course, because I had a fundamental problem with toys, which is my mom would buy nothing that was new. It all had to be weird shit that smelled funny and had other people's funk on it from the Salvation army or whatever it is. So, like, Digger the dog would have been cool when I was six, but we didn't buy new shit, so we'd have to. We'd see Digger the dog in the thrift store. But I was 12, no longer in my Digger the dog phase.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. You outgrown it.

[Adam Carolla]

But now I wanted a go kart, but there were no new go karts. We had to wait. So it was a weird math thing. It was always too far. By the time it made it to the thrift store, I was too old for it.

[Allison Rosen]

I suspect if you ever got a toy that it was based, it was lead paint based.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. They made sure my mom had always asked that. All right, so again, you want a dog that is a teenager or, you know, one years old, something like that. Don't the crate dog get Digger love Digger. But don't get into that. Don't get into the crating and the biting and the. And you don't. See, here's the thing. I shit you not. I will shit you not as. As a single dude.

[Bald Brian]

Don't shit us.

[Adam Carolla]

I will not not. This is not shit. This is shit. Not as a single dude who was living alone in the hills of Hollywood and his freshly minted house from 1923, where I redid the floors and I've got all new carpet and all that kind of shit. Having one German shepherd puppy was a much bigger hassle than having twins.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Much bigger hassle than having twins. Now I've thrown money at the problem. I have, you know, nannies and wives and things like that. So it's, you know, I got it worked out. But just living alone with the fucking dog in the crate, much bigger Pain in the ass than the twins. I mean, you know what I mean? It's a labor of love. Where was I? Alright, let's hear. So I should tell you before Graham Parker comes in here that. So here it was 1979, 1980. I'm going to North Hollywood High and there's a radio station called KROC that I would one day end up on, which is that much more bizarre. And while everyone else is around the country listening to like REO Speedwagon and Styx, Mr. Roboto and like a lot of 38 special and you know, bands like that, I'm listening to like the Talking Heads and the Blondie and Graham Parker and Elvis Costello and stuff. So there's just one station that's playing these songs. And I hear this Graham Parker song called Play either one you want but the first one. And it doesn't sound like the songs I'm used to hearing because it's like Van Halen and stuff is what I'm used to hearing. And I'm like, what is this song? It's a happy song. And I was in a good mood then because I was in high school, playing football and doing stuff. Love. When the piano comes in in my

[Graham Parker]

ear they're still talking But I don't

[Adam Carolla]

hear or don't defend when my heart starts to attack we can fix the danger, baby no holding back so pot it down a little. So I'm like, wow, who is this dude? I've never heard this dude before. And then I find out it's Graham Parker. And then I find out my friend Alex has a grand Parker record. And it's like. Was a big deal because that was like it. At my house, a record was considered a durable good. That was a big ticket item. I did that for you. What library did that come from? Would be the more important question. My dad would get records from the library. Library. How uncommitted to supporting your artists must you be? And how little is your time worth were you. And these things look like the sands of the Sahara. Like just the dunes. They were just sweat. They look. They look like. They look like abalone shells. Like, you know, huge clam shells, you know, just that big wave in them. Yeah, they get left out in the sun and they just go like. It was like a fucking. The perfect storm when that. When that goddamn needle would go on there. And my dad. And so I saved up my money.

[Bald Brian]

Did you ever have an embarrassing reveal where you're like, this album's cool. Let me know when you return this to the library I'm gonna get next.

[Adam Carolla]

I just remember the super pathetic. Like the picture on all the record covers that my dad would get from the. From that library wouldn't be Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass or whatever. It'd just be the standard one, which was a record. And it was looking up at the sun and it had like a frowny face, you know, and it's like, jesus Christ, old man, you're 43.

[Allison Rosen]

The sticker cousin of Be kind. Rewind right?

[Adam Carolla]

When you fucking break down and buy yourself a record. I like when people do this. What if I don't like it? Well, look, you know you like the artist, right? Yeah. And you know, you like the one song you heard on the radio. It's 6.99. How badly could you get burned if you didn't like. Although, let's say you just like one other song in those days.

[Allison Rosen]

Money.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. So I'm like, oh, man. So I save up and I get me a Graham Parker record and it's called the Up Escalator. Graham is here and I'm excited. E Voice. I'm so excited. I gotta tell you about E Voice. Free, by the way, I got a toll free number. Answers and routes calls to your home, office, or cell. Awesome. For the business person on the go, put a little.

[Bald Brian]

Dude, you can pick your hold music.

[Adam Carolla]

Free voice.

[Bald Brian]

This is a business for smart people.

[Adam Carolla]

Voicemails transcribed into easy to read emails, text messages. Yeah, someone's just talking about this. The other. You can bring your cell phone in here, you get a voicemail message and you can just look at it. You don't have to have it go off all the time.

[Bald Brian]

Happens all the time. I get voicemails and read them and decide to reply later.

[Adam Carolla]

Calls screened automatically. You can answer the urgent calls now. Let the less important ones go. I do it the other way around, but that's just me. Service you can count on 2510. It says 24 7, but I like to round up live customer support. Click on the [e-mail] or you can go to www.evoice for six months free. Six months free. All right, so I go to my buddy Alex's house and he's got another Graham Parker record that I didn't even know about. That's right. This one's called Squeezing Out Sparks. Very critically acclaimed. And it's got a little rock and roll song called Saturday Night is Dead. And I was like, let me hear this now. This is from 1990, 1979. And it's so like British and European and un. North Hollywood and exotic. Yeah. Doesn't sound like Molly Hatchet. All right, pot it down just a little bit. So I'm like, man, I love this Graham Parker cat. And we went and saw him at the Greek, like I said, with John Hyde opening for him. Saw him do an acoustic show. Did you know about John Hyatt at

[Bald Brian]

that point, or is this just, like a pleasant surprise?

[Adam Carolla]

I did know about John Hyatt. I didn't know the breadth and width of John Hight because John Height was kind of just getting started. And he didn't have all his albums. He had a couple albums. Graham Parker was probably about five albums into. Into his career. John was probably two or three into his career. But I knew I liked them both. And it was a perfect marriage. And it was really. It was really the Reese's peanut butter cup of concerts for me, because it was like, you're taking the two guys that dig and you're putting them together at the same time. All right, let's listen a little guitar turn up. All right, we should. Why don't you give me a little. Pot it down a little. A little bit under. Go to my PC and then we'll go get Graham Parker. Yeah, a little more. I need a little more.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you ever play in a band, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

You never played an instrument or anything?

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Bald Brian]

You and Jimmy were in corn.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, me and Jimmy were in corn for a while. I forgot about that. You probably go to YouTube and see me and Jimmy and the band Korn.

[Bald Brian]

The man show bit.

[Allison Rosen]

I remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

A little behind the. Little behind the music. No, I loved music. I just. I never had the discipline to ever learn an instrument. And I can't sing. Other than that. I'm your man. There's. Yeah, there's me and Jimmy when we're in corn. Yeah, yeah, I would have. Love, love, love to be in a band. Hey, you know what? Let me give a little love.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm surprised you never picked up, like, tried to play the guitar, bass or.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have any discipline triangle. I have a ton of discipline, but I don't have, like, sit around discipline. I have punch a heavy bag discipline, drums. Oh, that's what I should do. But you also understand that would have required, like, a kit and a place and there was apartments and just go to my PC. That's right. Business people. You're using your tablets, right? We've decided. People keep retweeting me this, that the tablet simultaneously, the newest and Oldest thing on the planet. Cannot find anything older and newer than the tablet. Smartphones, huh? Well, those are new. You want to get some business done? I would suggest go to my PC, use the app brought to you by Citrix. You can put it on your iPad, your iPhone, your Android, Kindle Fire, whatever you like, and it goes right to your computer. Access any program and you can edit and save and do whatever you want. Go to my PC free. Try it for free. 45 days free. That's right. Free trial only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit GoToMyPC.com, click on the try it free button and remember to use the promo code Adam. All right. Do we have me and Korn, by the way? I could play a little bit behind the music of. I think it'll work without the visuals, but it might, might, might play a little when we're in korn. I was friends with those korn. Their legion of fans know them as hard edged rock music visionaries. But what they don't know is this seemingly invincible band was nearly torn apart by the two members who helped bring them together. Tonight, korn, the story beneath the music. Our story begins with Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel, two wide eyed, idealistic sophomores from Bakersfield High. Believe it or not, when we were in high school, we didn't get a lot of girls. It's true. I can't explain it, but we didn't. No. And. And there were these guys in school and they had a band and, you know, we figured if we got in the band, it'd be good for the chicks, you know, they'd flock to us like. Like mice on tuna on tuna. Yeah. The guys in the band, they were

[Wyclef Jean]

huge fans of our music.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess they knew we had something special to contribute. Adam's dad had a van and we had a lot of equipment to carry. And Jimmy, well, Jim, me,

[Wyclef Jean]

we were pretty high.

[Adam Carolla]

But the combination of the band's talent and Adam's dad letting them use his van worked. They started small high school dances, pep rallies, bar mitzvahs, and eventually grew to concert halls, arenas and bar mitzvahs. Together, they took the music industry by storm. Rock radio caught on and soon sold out. Concerts turned into massive hit singles, millions of albums and thousands of adoring fans. But Adam, and especially Jimmy, did not handle success well. He wrote the song Freak on a Leash one night after Jimmy, well, let's just say pretty hard. Either he was on drugs or monkey spoil baloney or something, I'm not sure, but he was out of it. He thought he was a dog. He was running around the dressing room, biting people, humping legs. I mean, all kinds of crazy shit. It was just too much. And then he started peeing. Not just in his pants, everywhere. The dressing room and that, that was the end of it. That was like, closed the coffin. So the band tried to keep their problems private, but somehow the news leaked. I. I called this press conference tonight to announce that Jimmy peed all over the rest of the band. Any questions? The media had a field Day. On October 22, 1995, Korn decided to part ways with Carolla and Kimmel forever. Adam's dad sold van. And I think we knew it was time to end it. It's Jonathan. We left them. We had a lot of new ideas, and quite frankly, those guys were holding us back. While KORN went on to become one of the world's most popular bands, Adam and Jimmy quickly sank into cable television obscurity. I don't know whatever happened to those guys. Last I heard, they were doing some show about farting. Corolla and kimmel corns for garbage. Gotten foot soldiers. Faded from the public's memory, but a part of rock and roll history forever. The rented banjo I just shot. They're doing a show about farting. I think that's kind of. I think most people I know would have summed up the man show that way too.

[Bald Brian]

A great show about farting.

[Adam Carolla]

A great show about farting. But that's why whenever you get all these reviews or whatever, they go, you know, the Neanderthal doing the show about the beer chugging. Like, I just tell, most bits were this. There weren't nothing to do with chicks or beer. It was mainly. Mainly all the bits were these kind

[Allison Rosen]

of bits and poking fun at yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we were always the butt of the joke. And then it was something to do other than it was me going out and trying out for the Raiders and getting my ass kicked. But it was never me making the team. It was never. I tried to tell someone the other day. You were there. Ball. Brian, I don't like to talk about myself on this program.

[Bald Brian]

Do it just once, please, for the listener, for Graham.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? Because we're gonna go get Graham Parker in a second. We tried out for the Dodgers and it was non stop Tommy Lassorta cussing at us going, you make me sick. You're disgracing the uniform. Take that uniform off. You guys are pathetic. I've never seen so many pathetic. Never seen two more.

[Bald Brian]

Spring training.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, spring training. We're trying out in Vero beach and you're pathetic and you stink. And that's the way we had it. And it was fine. He did my radio show five years later, and he said, you know what, Adam? If I got hold of you at 18, you could have made it. You could have made it. I would have thrown you 100 curve balls a day and you would have made it. And I was like, God, Tommy, come on. Seriously? He's like, absolutely, you could have made it. Meaning? Meaning he thought we were pretty good, but we only filmed him telling us how much we sucked. Because it's not funny for Tommy Lesour to go, eh, you're pretty good. It's much funnier for him to go, you suck. You've disgraced the Dodge organization. Take those uniforms off. You don't deserve to wear them. And that's where the joke was, and we always knew it. But I don't know why the show got spun into us making fun of women constantly. It was us making fun of ourselves.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like people who don't watch it, well, they don't understand the nuances of humor either. So to them, they don't see what's in the quotes, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And they don't understand that making the team or having Tom Lasorda say we're great or having they just think of

[Allison Rosen]

jokes about baseball, they're not going to get it right.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't realize that us going to wrestling camp means we have to get our ass kicked and we have to get embarrassed. That's what's funny. Being good wrestlers. Not funny.

[Bald Brian]

Also, the promos, at least for the first year, were exclusively, you know, girls, chicks on trampoline.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I think people judge, you know, Comedy Central. All right. The Great Graham Parker. 30, 32 years in the making. I've been wanting to meet Graham Parker for 32 years. And we'll bring him in.

[Graham Parker]

I thought I was a cold, cool man. As a writer, you have to be. Got to observe everything from a distance, recorded by posterity. But lately I've been feeling things that

[Adam Carolla]

I never felt before.

[Graham Parker]

Maybe I'm just getting old or something, but something broke down my resistance and opened it all

[Adam Carolla]

down. Emotional ride. Graham Parker in In Studio Records. Good. Name of the new album available November 19th. Pre order, by the way. Do it through Amazon, go through our website, click on the banner, and pow. Show us a little love. Graham, so nice of you to come in.

[Graham Parker]

Well, thank you for having me. Appreciate it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm looking at something here that it just struck Me, I'm going to interview Judd Apatow next week. And Judd said, go see my movie first. And tomorrow I'm going to go down to Universal and see a pre screening of his movie, which is called this is 40. And now I'm looking down here, and here's Graham Parker in the Judd Apatow film this is 40. So this is what you call serendipity for me. How'd you get involved with that?

[Graham Parker]

Well, Judd, one of, I think Jonathan Karp, who's a music music super supervisor, works for Judd a lot, got hold of my publishing company, administrate my catalog and said, judd would like to talk to Graham. So I said, give him the email address. Judd got hold of me, I said, give me a time and place, I will be there. And I met up with him and, you know, he sort of outlined this, this movie that was, that he was, you know, in the works. He was writing it. Sort of a follow up of Knoxville up, but it involves Pete and Debbie, Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

Not the Seth Rogen thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Leslie Mann is his wife in real life.

[Graham Parker]

Yes, yes, yes. So, and, and, and Paul Rudd, his character is. Pete is starting an indie label and he wants to sign what he would call real music. Because in, in Knocked up, he was working for like a major label. He didn't seem very happy with it. So 70s and 80s music, and I might be one of those kind of acts that he would sign to his indie label, you. And so Judd's talking with me and, you know, I said, well, guess what? I've just reformed the Rumor. And we, we're going to do an album in about a month and a half's time. And I said, you should get the Rumor in there as well. So then I broke into a really bad Sammy Davis impersonation. And because he asked me, can you shot of it?

[Adam Carolla]

Can you do a little of it?

[Graham Parker]

Have I played this room before? Because you cats are cool and I mean that. So Judd said, you're hired, you know. Well, actually, he looked at me like I was insane.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he was probably a fan of yours, right?

[Graham Parker]

He was a fan. He used one of my songs in the last episode of Undeclared. And that's how I got hip to that show and Freaks and Geeks, you know, and he's a fan of many, many artists and different types of music. And so, you know, he sort of thought maybe I could fit in with this and, and, and be an actor acting as myself. And Joey got back to me a week later and said, okay, I want you in the movie acting as yourself. And I want the two day shoot with the rumor. And also I just saw you on the Craig kilborn show on YouTube with this with a guy playing upright bass. Can we get him and do a duo thing? So I've got two musical performances with the rumor. We did a two day shoot in the Belasco Theater downtown la. I'm acting in it, quote unquote. And a duo performance and songs.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you seen it?

[Graham Parker]

I've seen a screening.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they didn't cut you out?

[Graham Parker]

I'm astonished.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean I usually cut you out.

[Graham Parker]

I know I've been on tenter hooks the whole time thinking Universal would come up to JAD and say, you know, this, this Brian Parker, right? He's nobody know he's not good.

[Adam Carolla]

And the rounders need to go to.

[Graham Parker]

Nobody's heard of him. You know, bring somebody in that people have heard of. But Judd floats his own. But man, you know, I mean, what I love about. That's exactly. I told him today because I was on a panel with him for Billboard, you know, I think it's admirable that it's. It's not just about trendy new acts or superstars. It's about what he liked. You know, Loudon Wainwright's music was right, you know, all over knocked up. And it's. So he has convictions and the courage to back them up and nobody's messing with him, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's. I'll talk to Judd in a couple days and tell. Tell him he said he did a fair to Midland job directing him.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah, I would.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But I want to talk about you. I don't want to put any words in your mouth, but I always felt like 79 and 80 was some of the most exciting time for music, at least for me. Because I think about Joe Jackson's first two albums, Look Sharp and I'm the man and you with the up escalator and squeezing out sparks and stuff like that. And it seemed like in the Pretenders and all these bands doing just some great, great stuff. And then Somehow around the mid-80s, the synthesizer started to kick in and it took. A synsonic drum started kicking in and it took a step, you know, and I guess in any art, fashion, music, anything, architecture, there's some good years and then there's some years you look back on and go. But growing up in England and being on the scene in the mid-70s, going into the late 70s and early 80s, it must have been a really exciting Time.

[Graham Parker]

Well, a lot of people kind of always say, oh, you came along at the same time as etc. Etc. Fill in the names, you know. And I. I actually sort of got broke into the music business in 1975 when I met a guy who loved my work and became my manager. And I had a demo, played on a. On a radio show, obscure London radio show show, and instantly got a record deal from nowhere. I didn't have all this background of playing and gigs and all this. That wasn't really me. And so my first album came out in 76, howling wind, right. And then Heat Treatment the same year. And I own them both. You own them both. You see that that year was kind of. It was a no man's land. It was still prog rock rule. There wasn't this punk and new wave. But it exploded, you know, 77. With a sex piss, of course, in England. And the Ramones were around in 76. And television, but they hadn't impinged on the consciousness of the public.

[Adam Carolla]

But your stuff changed. Like, sorry, I gotta geek out a little bit here.

[Graham Parker]

Geek out.

[Adam Carolla]

But, like, Heat Treatment had a lot of horns in it. It was very soulful and it sounded like it was like tip. Tip of the cap to the 60s or something. And then two years later, you're doing something called New Wave, which I like. I like more even for some unknown reason. I don't know why I love horns and stuff, but, I mean, you're doing a totally different sound two and a half years later.

[Graham Parker]

Well, yes, Squeezing out Sparks, I'd done three albums. Third one was Stick To Me. And there were horns on all of those records, those first three. And it's enough already, you know, it's time to do something different. I just wrote a bunch of. A bunch of songs as I've always been doing. Not really thinking much about it, but I think I was kicked into. To making some kind of change in what I was doing because of all those other new artists that were appearing. And, you know, you don't want to be in danger of being thought of as some kind of good time bar band, which is what people kind of talk. They mentioned me in those terms and I'm like, they're missing the songs, they're hearing the horns, they're missing the song. So I think Squeezing Out Sparks, I wanted to clear that deck and come up with something, you know, very different.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you. I. I was always. I'm just living in North Hollywood at this point in a garage, and I'm just reading the Album, like when you just read the album, you know, and like. But it was described, you always sort of described as angry, like edgy angry, you know, writing lyrics that'll take your heart by the lapels and shake it senselessly and things like that. At least that's what's said on the back of one of the records.

[Graham Parker]

That sounds right.

[Adam Carolla]

But were you angry?

[Graham Parker]

Well, I.

[Adam Carolla]

What were you angry about?

[Graham Parker]

You know, two. Two years before I got my first record deal. I was a hippie like everyone else, or not like everyone else, but I was traveling around to go, going to Morocco and doing all that stuff, you know. But I came out the end of that and started to feel a lot of something was, you know, sort of pinging away in my head about the music I used to like when I was 15 and 16 and we're talking soul music, basically American soul music and Jamaican scar was a kind of underground scene in England. And also, you know, something that the, you know, the intensity of the Stones and the Beatles, this was coming back to me instead of the more. More flowing psychedelic prog rock thing, which I thought was already dead. It was flatulence and, you know, self congratulatory by 1973, 74. So I got this intensity that came into me. I don't know why. I'd had a pretty decent life, but, you know, the. The anger came and.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did you grow up?

[Graham Parker]

I, like, I. I grew up. I was born in London and When I was 4, my parents moved to a village called Deep Cut. That's one word in Surrey. And so I would get out of my house, walk about 30 seconds and be in the woods. Gone, vanished. That was the life I had. And surrounding Deep Cut were provincial towns like Woking and Aldershot. The home of the British army and Guildford. Very middle class, stockbroker belt.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's Chichester? In the Chichester.

[Graham Parker]

I aunties in Chichester. I spent many Christmases there. I had relatives in Chichester in Sussex. So I'm not far away from there, you know, it was a short drive. It seemed like a long, long drive in those days. But sure, the cars were, you know, it's sort of ancient, but. So that was my upbringing, which is pretty, pretty darn nice. But I was a tyke. We were all like monsters, the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

What did your parents do?

[Graham Parker]

My dad, after the war, he. He was a wood machinist and that kind of died in London, you know, that. That work kind of died away. I guess they were getting more mechanized and so we, they moved to Deep Cuts, this village. And he Got a job stoking the boilers of a hospital. So he'd be doing night shifts with these row of boilers. It was really gothic. And hauling the coal in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh God.

[Graham Parker]

Unbelievable. And Mary Poppins. Yeah, it really was. Yeah. And you know, I'd sit with him sometimes and you know, with his pint mug of tea and his, his roll ups that looked like Peter tossed joints, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

And as I like to say, he died at the age of 89 of a bizarre cigarette smoking accident and coal dust as well, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. He made it to 89.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah, he did.

[Adam Carolla]

And so for you, I was just watching you and the rumor from 1980 playing, I don't know, Blaupunk Fest in Germany.

[Graham Parker]

Yes, the whatever, the Rock Palace.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to see a little of that if you can do it. But that is, I don't know, 5,000 seats, 8,000 seats. I don't know. It's a big venue. So all of a sudden you're traveling around, you're gypsy and you're coming out with some albums and all stuff. And then all of a sudden you're on the radio and you're playing these massive venues and you're traveling all over the place. Were you ready for it? You're still young at this point. You're 29, 30, something like that. Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

To be honest, my career was in steps, you know, it wasn't. It was an explosion of press interest but the public didn't really follow. So it just. But it got, it's steadily bigger and bigger and I must admit the Rock palace gig, a little band called the Police were actually on as well, so. Oh, I'm sorry about that. That's why it was a 10,000 seater. Jack Bruce was on as well on that bill. I got to sing spoonful with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Graham Parker]

Pretty awesome. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you guys are opening but you're doing an hour and a half sing set?

[Wyclef Jean]

Oh yeah.

[Graham Parker]

No, we were all treated equally. In fact, I think we were on after the Police. Even though they were the biggest selling band at the time and you know, we'd built up a pretty strong reputation and you know, so we, we did well as a live act and my record sold a little bit more every time. So it was, it was a kind of slow, healthy thing. It wasn't bad at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Now do. Is it weird to watch watch you from 30, by the way, I gotta, I gotta tell you, David Wilde gave me this DVD and I drank some red wine and I just sunk into my sofa and I think I watched it two Times in a row. And I just thought I was backing. It was a little of that but I watched mainly during the refractory period and this was. It was like I was back in high school again. And it was. It was just. It was just. God love that David Wild. Cuz I. I didn't have this disc but I just thought how tight the band was and how great you were in brimsley shorts playing the lead guitar. How good that guy was. Like he just played every song exactly how I heard it on the album.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah, we were pretty close to the album arrangements. Just twice as fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

Cuz we. You know, I was getting angrier every day for some reason. So what amazes me me about this is that two of those guitars there I. I still own the one I'm playing and the one Brinsley is playing.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The.

[Graham Parker]

The Gibson Flying V. I bought that from him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you brought it from.

[Graham Parker]

And both of them are used on my latest album.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is by the way three chords Good is the name of the latest. And it's first time the rumor the band is back together.

[Graham Parker]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what. What got you guys apart?

[Graham Parker]

Well, you know, four years is a very long time when you're young and you know having this sort of success in the music business. It's a really, really long time. If you look at. There's a website that has a gig list on you know, touring in 1979.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

We start at Belfast in January and end at Wellington, New Zealand near Christmas with not much off in between. And. And you know, it always as there's the driving force of artistry where you want to hear your music in a different light.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

You know, I thought the rumor we. We'd covered a lot of ground.

[Adam Carolla]

So it wasn't. It wasn't a bunch of ill will. It was just time to shift gears and move on.

[Graham Parker]

For me it was. I was driven to try something else. I wanted to sound slicker and softer and I made Another great area was the first post Rumor album with Jack Douglas who done Double Fantasy. A very slick, smooth sounding album. I just wanted to see what it. What it was like.

[Adam Carolla]

Curiosity have that album as well. I know you need to be sitting down when you hear that is. So did you move to the Bay Area at some point or where are you living now?

[Graham Parker]

No, I'm based in upstate New York for the most part. In the. In the. In the wilds there in the mountains now.

[Adam Carolla]

Why, why. Why not in.

[Graham Parker]

Well no yet England's there and I think let's See, I'm ready to retire by a pond in England in about a week's time.

[Adam Carolla]

So you'll be. You'll, you'll, you'll be back. I mean, you'll, you'll, you'll be buried next.

[Graham Parker]

America has been incredibly good to me. The fans, you know, in England, of course, the, the press, the media in general, love to build you up a bit and then say, oh, we knew he was no good anyway after a few years. America isn't like that. America is much more generous, much more willing to actually listen and give you the time of day. And I can play, you know, 12 gigs solo in New Jersey and do pretty well.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw you in 1988. 89. Live alone in America tour. Your acoustic tour.

[Graham Parker]

Did you really?

[Adam Carolla]

At the palace, which is now something else. But it was. It was where I went to. It was the after party for Molly Ringwald's Pretty in Pink. And also the club from the movie. Oh, hell, can't think of it with grandma up there playing. All right, Graham, hang in with us. I think we're gonna do some news. Allison Rosen, you got some news?

[Allison Rosen]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll give a little love to one of our fine sponsors. First, Vista Print business owners. Graham, you need cards. We can put a little guitar or something on there so people know you rock. Thousands of designs. And by the way, you can do your own artwork if you like. 250 top quality cards, Graham. 250 business cards. What would you think something like that would set a fella back?

[Graham Parker]

Well, I would think that would set you back an awful lot of money.

[Adam Carolla]

Am I wrong? Yeah. Yeah. Of a lot. Lot of quid.

[Graham Parker]

A lot of quids, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

By the way.

[Adam Carolla]

What? You brought something.

[Graham Parker]

Bam.

[Adam Carolla]

You brought things.

[Graham Parker]

And there's three of them. And there's three of you here.

[Allison Rosen]

Perfect. Thank you.

[Graham Parker]

Yes. I paid for them myself. There wasn't even a promotional thing from the record company.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you very much.

[Allison Rosen]

Known of vistaprint at the time.

[Graham Parker]

I know that could have been a lot cheaper. I'm broke after that.

[Adam Carolla]

They would have done. They can do postcards, signs, brochures, T shirts, invitations, buttons. With Graham Parker. I guess you can put other people on them.

[Allison Rosen]

Why would you want.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all they offer, just Graham Parker buttons. 250 top quality business cards. $10, Graham.

[Graham Parker]

Oh, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

$10. $10 plus no free shipping. That's right. I'm changing the game. Go to vistaprint.com, type in actually screwing it up. Yeah, go to vistaprint.comline in Ace in the upper right hand hand corner. And get 250 premium business cards for just $10 and up. Shipping, shipping. Free. Free. Included. Included. All right. Free shipping. 10 bucks. All right, let's do a little. Let's do a little news, shall we? The news with Allison Rosen. She read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison Alison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

So yesterday we talked about Donald Trump's big game changing announcement that was going to change the election, which is that he would give $5 million to a charity of Obama's choosing if Obama would reveal his college transcripts.

[Adam Carolla]

Even he. You know what, though? I knew it was going to be a bunch of nothing because even, even he didn't really commit to it. Like, he was like, I got a big announcement and like, how big? Medium big. And they're like, it's going to change the election quite possibly. Like, but he normally goes P.T. barnum on everything.

[Allison Rosen]

He's like, he said to Fox News, you're going to want to cover this in a big way.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, but he's like, is this going to change the game? And he was like, put. You could be like, he didn't. Once I saw that, I was like,

[Bald Brian]

this has the potential to possibly affect everything.

[Adam Carolla]

He usually does the. This is the biggest 1 million percent plus 10%. You know, this is. And when even he was, he was like, he wanted coverage, I could tell he didn't seem like he was in love with his own thing. But anyway, that's when I braced myself to be disappointed.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Stephen Colbert, with whom you share an agent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

James Baby Doll Dixon had something to say. I'm gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary's gonna have to do something.

[Allison Rosen]

Can you back to 258?

[Adam Carolla]

Can I tell you this?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, you can.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you do in this case? I got a friend. I mean, I got a guy I know who works in radio, right. And he does sales, you know, and he's been going round and round with dicks and trying to get me to do a deal. You know, it's basically, you know, here's some money, come out to the auto show, do this, do that, do the other other. And the guy's like a friend. His wife Angie was my old producer and she's a dear friend. And I know the guy and I'm not best buddies with him, but I know Graham. You may have had this happen in Your career. So my agent, James Baby Doll Dixon, gives the. Listen, I took that whole thing with the fiat and I squashed it. Screw those guys. They wanted way too much. They bullshitted. I didn't want anything. The money was there, but they wanted way too much. And then they wanted to do the thing and run it on the Internet. And that's a commercial. And that's. They didn't want to pay for that. So I told them. So today I talked to him and I said, well, I talked to Chad. Yes, he called you. Well, yeah, but we're friends. He called you. I said, well, yeah, but we might talk. He called to talk about what? I said, well, we talked about the deal, baby dog. Yeah. He was like, fucking guy called you. He called you at home. He called you at home. Balls on that guy. And then he's like, I'm calling him right now. I'm gonna submit, motherfucker. I'm settling his ass.

[Allison Rosen]

Is this your friend's husband?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I'm like, no, don't call him. He called you at home. He called you at home. After I told him the deal was off. So then he went around me and he called you at home. I said, well, we're not best friends, but we do know each other. But what'd you talk about? I. Well, we did kind of talk about some of the parts of the deal. All right, I'm hanging up the phone, I'm calling that motherfucker. Oh, oh, we're gonna give it to him good. And I was like, don't. You shouldn't give it to. Fucking Don't. First off, I know what I'm doing. Secondly, he should not have called it. Well, it wasn't a big. No, it was not okay. It is not okay. I'm calling him right now. Fucking son of a bitch. I'm tear him a new one. And I was like, well, don't be too. Don't tear him too big a new one.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a medium sized one.

[Adam Carolla]

Then I started to go back, like, maybe he didn't call. Maybe it's another guy named Chad who just wanted to talk about a fiat deal. I don't know. And he's like, fuck that. I'm calling him. I'm getting off the phone right now. This is bullshit.

[Allison Rosen]

So did he call the motherfucker?

[Adam Carolla]

He fucking did. Yes, he did. I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I was like, I'm trying to tell him we talk sometimes.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, here's a question. Is there a code of Conduct that agents are privy to that the rest of us aren't?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, hell, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but. I mean. I mean, but is it a real one?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. But if the agent said, no deal, you don't call Graham Parker up and go, listen, I talked to your agent. He doesn't want you to play Perkins palace, but I think we could make this work. That agent finds out about that, he is pissed.

[Bald Brian]

You know how doctors say. You know when a surgeon says, we gotta have surgery? And they're like, surgeons just want to cut. You know what I mean? Agents want an agent.

[Adam Carolla]

They want an agent. And I like the guy, and I love his wife and everything, and I'm screaming at, don't call back and yell at him. And he was explaining, you don't understand how this stuff works. And at a certain point, I just give him the, you know, then I want to go, don't tell him I told you. But that just seems like you're Madman calling him for no reason.

[Graham Parker]

So your agents. Agents. Mr. Colbert as well.

[Adam Carolla]

He has. He does Jimmy Kimmel.

[Graham Parker]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think how he explains it. I think he'd say, I do Jon Stewart.

[Bald Brian]

Do you know what a podcast is?

[Adam Carolla]

I do Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, and Carola. Who was that last guy?

[Allison Rosen]

He'd probably say Bill Simmons, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry, Bill Simmons.

[Graham Parker]

Oh, well, tell him to put a good word in for me. I want Colbert.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you want?

[Graham Parker]

I want. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to do on the show. I can't get on the fucking show.

[Graham Parker]

I bet you it's not. It's like, really?

[Adam Carolla]

I should call Stephen directly? Go around?

[Graham Parker]

Maybe not.

[Adam Carolla]

I should. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God.

[Graham Parker]

Well, then he'll prevent you.

[Allison Rosen]

Then you'll be the motherfucker.

[Penn Jillette]

Who.

[Bald Brian]

That motherfucker.

[Allison Rosen]

What does he do when. When it's like, motherfucker versus Motherfucker?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I'm gonna book myself on Kimmel and find out. Well, he doesn't book. He doesn't book anything.

[Graham Parker]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the. He doesn't book the show. All right, let's. Colbert.

[Allison Rosen]

So Colbert has a counter offer for Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh. Oh, good. I am so moved by this generous

[Dr. Bruce]

offer that I have an offer of

[Adam Carolla]

my own right over here, Mr. Trump. I will write you a check for $1 million from Colbert Super PAC. You know, I've got it to the charity of your choice. Anything. Save the children, feed the children, put the children on Child Apprentice, whatever. One million actual dollars if you will. Let me me dip my balls in your mouth. Wow. One million. What they let you say on Comedy Central these days, that's a good deal.

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of outside of Colbert's character, too.

[Adam Carolla]

But. But this dipping, and I hope you're listening very carefully, Mr. Trump, this dipping has to be to my. And more importantly, my ball sat satisfaction. I think he stepped outside his character. One caveat. One caveat. My balls must be in your mouth no later than 5pm Oct. 31.

[Allison Rosen]

That was the deadline that he gave. That Trump gave Obama.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, we could stop it.

[Adam Carolla]

Broke down the fourth wall.

[Allison Rosen]

You can stop it here. He went on to say that he thinks the American public will appreciate something going in Trump's mouth instead of what's coming out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Trump, it was funny because Brian has his. He's the honorary chairman. Coming up with the BrianBishop.com. by the way, you can donate redshirt for the team Bald Brian for the LA brain tumor walk, which is coming up Sunday. Sunday. I made a donation yesterday. My pleasure. Brian called to thank me. It was nice of him.

[Bald Brian]

You did a baby ultimate. I got my caucus. And they're lying.

[Adam Carolla]

I did. I was just kidding. I wanted to get off the phone, God damn it. But no, he called and I said, thanks. I was on the airline. I said, no problem. He called your house straightened out.

[Bald Brian]

That motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

So the thing that was funny is I got the call from Penn Jillette today because he's right in the middle of the All Stars doing the Apprentice. All Stars wants me to donate to whatever. I don't donate to that much stuff. But this would be two times now in nine hours. I have a rich tradition of not donating shit. And it's weird. It's like I think I opened some sort of donation window by giving. I'm need that money back. What I'm saying to you. And when they ask you to donate on the air, they're on the air. I mean, you're calling.

[Allison Rosen]

You should be warned first.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. They just go, who's gonna. Who's your friends? And now there's one thing to donate anonymously. There's nothing to donate. When they're saying you need to donate, you need to do it on the air. And then they'll tell you how much was donated.

[Allison Rosen]

So you had to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I just found out today, like this afternoon. So I was like, all right, let me get some of that money back from Brian and then we'll see. We can do.

[Allison Rosen]

Graham, what would you do?

[Graham Parker]

Donating? Donate. I don't know. That's. I don't. I can't afford to donate to anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

You're good, right? You've got a catalog.

[Graham Parker]

I've done it. I've done a few things. I've done gigs where I've given all the money to Habitat for. Not Habitat for Humanity. That's a store, isn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

They build houses.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Graham Parker]

For the. The big tsunami thing, I did a gig and. But I don't like to do it as an announcing thing. When I give something, I like to do the gig and say to the audience, by the way, what you just paid for, that's going towards tsunami release and it'll build an eight room building in, you know, Sri Lanka. But. And I did one for Hurricane Mitch. I gave. So I do a few things like that. But, you know, I think John Lennon said, in the music business, you get benefited to death, you know?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

So you have to be very careful with all that kind of thing as you are trying to.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically, we found out very famously in comedy, you do comedy. Comedy, you get benefited to death too, because you. You don't have any equipment. So it's a lot of, like, just stop by and say hi for 25 minutes and there's a lot of that. And how can you say no? You don't have a semi truck. You're not on the road. You just. You come by. Hold it. You have to be a huge douche not to go somewhere and drink a free Heineken and tell a couple jokes.

[Graham Parker]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

But there was a big deal where somebody claimed they had like cancer or whatever and then they were just taking

[Allison Rosen]

the money right then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was a big deal. Yeah. No, do you remember that story? There was a big deal in our town. It was like everyone played this woman's benefit. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

She was not famous though, right? She was just.

[Adam Carolla]

No, she wasn't.

[Allison Rosen]

She just faked her own cancer stuff

[Adam Carolla]

and she faked her own shit and took all the money and everyone was pissed off.

[Graham Parker]

That's a good ruse, isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's nice. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But more importantly, there was a hurricane named Mitch.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

Yes. South America. This is going back a little bit. 90s, was it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Unhurricany name.

[Adam Carolla]

It was.

[Graham Parker]

I know it was. Sounds like a nice guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

Kevin. You know, so, yeah, it was pretty bad at the time, but it was a long way away. I don't know why I got moved by it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

You know, it's unlike me to be

[Adam Carolla]

moved by Hurricane Mitch. I know you're Angry, Really?

[Graham Parker]

I am. Exactly. It's like, fuck that. Come on, blow it all up.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

Boxing trainer Emmanuel Stewart died. He was 68 at this point. The cause of death has not been revealed. He had. Did he found Cronk, Jim?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I think so. In Philadelphia. I think if he didn't find it or found it, he was there toward the beginning and he trained Hearns and all those great Philadelphia.

[Allison Rosen]

Leonard Lennox Lewis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And most important, the one who's going to miss Klitschko, Vladimir Klitschko, is going to miss him the most. Literally. Could not save Wladimir, called him Vladimir. That's his legacy in my mind. And I'm glad to say that Vladimir was on the show, especially that he did not say Vladimir. He said Vladimir.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't realize that was the guy that we were talking about. When we talked about the guy who's

[Adam Carolla]

Vladimir, we were talking about the guy that was his trainer. Oh, he did all the boxing. He was a real soft spoken guy and he did all the commentary for HBO and all that kind of stuff. And he's one of those guys. Graham, you're in this group as well. I don't need you every day, but if you're gone, I'd miss you. You know what I mean?

[Graham Parker]

Like, I feel like, okay, that's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's not there. Like, I don't wake up every morning, go, where's Graham Parker? Who's making my omelet?

[Bald Brian]

It's the Phil Hartman category.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the Phil Hartman. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like, I feel a little sad and I didn't really know who he was until a little while ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Phil Hartman?

[Allison Rosen]

No, no. Emanuel Stewart. He worked his way into my heart very fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet guy. Did a lot for boxing and like I said, called Vladimir Klitschko Latimer. That's all I know.

[Allison Rosen]

What happens when your beloved trainer dies? Sort of like, I always wonder what's gonna happen if a therapist I've had dies.

[Bald Brian]

Ask Mike Tyson.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Ask Rocky in Rocky 3. Yeah. Rocky III.

[Bald Brian]

Clubber lined on him.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

But really, it must be incredible. Morning.

[Adam Carolla]

You do need to win, I think, you know, in his memory. I think, anyway, he'll be missed.

[Allison Rosen]

So the third presidential debate was the least viewed overall.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's how we are.

[Allison Rosen]

But for Fox News, it was their most highly viewed telecast ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't that surprising?

[Adam Carolla]

Sort of, I guess. I mean, what. How many, how many viewers did they get? Do you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, they got 11.5 million people watched the third one. 11.1 million people watched the second. But then overall, 59.2 million people watched the third debate, 67.2 million watched the first.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of nice because I don't. I feel like those are big time, you know, those are. That's mash's last episode kind of numbers. We're ugly Americans, you know what I mean? Since when do we give a shit?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Only 10.7 million. Watch the football game.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. All right, now you're making me depressed because we got to get our. Together. Graham, into American football at all. Are you still in the soccer.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah, I'm afraid I'm into football.

[Adam Carolla]

Meaning. Oh, sorry. Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

No, I, I, you know, I like

[Adam Carolla]

the super bowl business.

[Graham Parker]

I get into a bit of baseball. If it's a subway series, you need another subway series, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

The drama. It's like an opera or something, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

I don't really understand the rules or, you know what. And basketball, you know, all these other. Why do they keep stopping? They look plenty fit to me. Everybody keeps stopping and they have a timeout.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They all look. Soccer. They never stop.

[Graham Parker]

They don't stop moving. Well, they did. Some of them sneak around a bit and pretend to be doing something right, you know. And I was playing competitive soccer until about two years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

I got into it when I was 45, after a gap of however many years. I think I. I lost interest when I was 13 because the Beatles and the Stones came along.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Graham Parker]

So it was like the way they get chicks is to grow your hair and smoke cigarettes and.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

It's better than being on a muddy, filthy field. It was disgusting, really. And I got back into kicking a ball around around 45, and it was like, oh, great, the ball is lighter. You don't wear those big hob nail boots with laces that were 40 foot long that you had to wrap around your knees.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

Everything was lighter and sweeter. You kick the ball and it swerved, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like Beckham.

[Graham Parker]

It's. It's not that hard. And so I got into it playing, playing with teams and indoors and, you know. But, you know, I. The phone stopped ringing when I hit 60. The team didn't call me anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do they have. They must have soccer leagues that are 40. I mean, like in basketball they have like, height leagues, like under six foot, over six foot.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah. No, they have over. It's generally open, you know, any ages. And then there's the over 30. Now if you're like 58.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Graham Parker]

Over 3030 tends not to mean that much. If you find yourself playing against a bunch of very good Mexican or Ecuadorian guys who are very kind of low center of gravity and are really good, you know, it doesn't matter that, you know, they're all 32.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's a lot of guys playing professional soccer that are 32.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Center of gravity is a really nice way to say short. Right.

[Graham Parker]

Well, I. That's what I have as well alone. But some of these guys I played against from the South America, they have a lowest. Yeah, they're shorter than.

[Bald Brian]

Do the South American guys have a different style of playing than the European guys?

[Graham Parker]

They're. They're fast and, you know, a lot of speedy footwork. You know, I never had the speedy footwork, quite honestly. And English teams are still trying to get that kind of liquidity about the game. A lot of English players, they don't really have it. It's a good old fashioned game. English play. You run down the wing, you cross the ball, the tallest guy tries to head it in, right? That's basic English football. And that's my kind of style. Run down the wing, cross it, and drop it.

[Adam Carolla]

White guy. That's all white guys.

[Graham Parker]

It's white guy stuff. Yes, it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Listening to Graham discuss it, does that make you change your opinion of soccer? Adam?

[Graham Parker]

He hates it. Yo, stop it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Graham Parker]

You and Keith Overman hate it, man. I know, I know. You guys, I follow you always compared to over.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, do you have. Do you have anything about Axel and J. Jimmy from the other night? I'm talking to you, sweet.

[Graham Parker]

Me?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, I don't. Oh, you don't? Oh, okay. I thought it was mixed in. I was talking to Mike about it, but I thought somehow it got mixed in with the news or something like that.

[Allison Rosen]

But I know that Axl was on.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yes. That's what I'm talking about. So Axl Rose did his first interview in like 20 years.

[Bald Brian]

I was gonna say it doesn't pop up on a lot of talk shows.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, he'll sit in on TMZ every once in a while, maybe twice a week, but he was on. Sorry for the confusion. I was telling Mike to pull the clips and I thought he was going to throw them into your. In your news somewhere, but he didn't. So what do we got? Do we got something on that? All right, anyway. I was one of the biggest bands

[Graham Parker]

in rock and roll history.

[Adam Carolla]

Guns N roses begins at 12:12. Date residency at the joint at the Hard life in Vegas starting October 31st. Please say hello to Axel Rose. Let's see how sane he seems. Anybody smoking or. No, not fat. He's not smoking so far. Same

[Allison Rosen]

shocker. Had a funny headline.

[Adam Carolla]

How was that? Come on. This is what happened. That's funny. All right. That's all right. Is there anything good in there? Are we good? Everyone's excited. I'm excited. The reason I'm bringing it up is because you can stop it. Mike's got a look on his face. Is there anything good in there or is it. I had a chance to watch it.

[Wyclef Jean]

I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know we were going to be jumping to this show.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, here's the headline from Gawker. Talking hat appears on Jimmy Kimmel Live wearing Axl Rose.

[Adam Carolla]

That's funny. Jimmy sent me a instant message text. I sent him one that said, oh, you know, cool seeing you up on the high wire there, whatever the hell that thing's called in New York. And oh, wait till you see how fast I type when I drive. So. And listen, you don't text and drive, but if you type as slowly as I type, it's perfectly safe. Perfectly safe. Alright. So he. I just said, I'll be checking out Axl Rose tonight because I TiVo'd it and I went to bed too early last night, but I'll be checking out Axl Rose tonight. And he wrote back, Axel was a big man. A big man. Was a big man. Show fan. I told him he should do your podcast. So we'll see if we can't get Axel in there. There may be a new rock and roller in my life, Graham Parker.

[Bald Brian]

I'd have nothing left to accomplish my life being in the same room as Axl Rose.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you be nervous if Axl Rose,

[Bald Brian]

huge Drezna Roses fan from back in

[Adam Carolla]

the day, you'd be freaked out.

[Bald Brian]

It'd be the most starstruck probably ever been amongst this show. And I've not been too starstruck since Larry Miller first came in.

[Adam Carolla]

Really. So as soon as. By the way, when.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it was Michael Biehn, Duff McKagan, probably when he came in. I mean, this is a very small handful of interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

So, you know, this conversation is gonna go. You. You be me and I'll be Mike August, our booker.

[Bald Brian]

So, August, how's that Axl Rose booking coming along?

[Adam Carolla]

Alex Hose. I think I can find him. No, no, no. I'll call you back.

[Bald Brian]

Guns N Roses.

[Adam Carolla]

Axel. Axel from Guns N Roses, Right? Tons of Roses.

[Bald Brian]

Are you even listening to me?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, I'm gonna write this down.

[Bald Brian]

Do you have another phone?

[Adam Carolla]

Up to your other house. Tons of roses. We'll get them in on Wednesday. We'll do a phoner. Thank you. Yeah, he's the guy. What was his band? Pronunciations. Mike, you can help me out with this. Dokin Dawkin was dokin.

[Bald Brian]

D.L. hughley was D.L.

[Adam Carolla]

hughley. Yeah. I think he. I think he had. I believe that maybe Ronnie James Dio was dial or something like that. It was fun to listen to him mispronounce.

[Graham Parker]

Probably call me Brian. Porker and the. The rumour.

[Adam Carolla]

The rumour.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

But he made up for it with confidence. Supreme confidence.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. He's great. I swear. That's. How do you. All right, should we do. Let me give a little love to Legal Zoom. Graham. You got life insurance?

[Graham Parker]

No, I don't expect to have too much left of it, actually. So it's not. We're really worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't worry about it. You don't need it. You just need legalzoom.com will powers of attorney, living trusts and more. Starting a business. Think about branching out on your own, Graham.

[Graham Parker]

Branching out? Yeah, it's sort of treeing. Twigging out.

[Adam Carolla]

Twigging out on your own.

[Graham Parker]

Yes, I may do.

[Adam Carolla]

You can form an llc, you can incorporate, you can register trademarks, patents and more all at legalzoom. Legalzoom.com baby patents.

[Graham Parker]

That's good. I'm always inventing things in my head.

[Adam Carolla]

Protect your family and business [e-mail] LegalZoom is not a law firm, but you can use it to find an attorney and to get self help services at your specific direction. For more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout legalzoom.com all right, should we do a little more news?

[Allison Rosen]

So a fan tweeted us this or alerted us to the fact that Rod Stewart was interviewed on Nightline. Is it Nightline or Frontline? Is there a show Nightline and Frontline? It's Nightline.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Frontline is just gets rid of fleas and ticks, right?

[Bald Brian]

I think there's both. Frontline might not be around.

[Allison Rosen]

How'd the news show do that?

[Graham Parker]

Pbs. Frontline.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Frontline might not be around anymore. There was for sure a show called Frontline.

[Allison Rosen]

And I think there is something that helps exterminate your house called Frontline.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, there's something you put on your dogs the place like one place on your dog that your dog can't get a paw or a tongue on, which is that Weird little mark in the back of your neck.

[Graham Parker]

Oh, the nape, the nape.

[Adam Carolla]

I did a power move today. I got a haircut because I knew you were coming in, Graham, and I wanted to look tidy.

[Graham Parker]

You look sweet. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're wearing a ha. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna take it off now. But, you know, I wanted to look good around the edges there, you know? And the lady gave me a haircut and she gave me that. She gave me the mirror and she started to spin the chair around, and I said, we're good. And she said, you want to see what the back of your head looks like? And I said, no. And she said, how do you know I did a good job? I said, I trust you. And by the way, no one's ever made fun of the back of my head, like, as far as I know, number one. Number two, what if she fucked it up? What am I going to do? You know what I mean? Like, replace that hair or you'll get no tip. Like, there's really nothing to fix. I think they want to show off a little bit, but I'm like, we don't spin it around.

[Graham Parker]

They're proud of the nape work, those guys.

[Adam Carolla]

The nape work?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now that stuff that fleas, you put it right on the nape there, like right on the back there, and they can't get to it and gets rid of them fleas and ticks, they can't

[Allison Rosen]

get a paw there, but they can get a tongue in their own butthole.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure.

[Allison Rosen]

You've noticed that before, Graham.

[Wyclef Jean]

Of course.

[Graham Parker]

Haven't we all?

[Allison Rosen]

So, speaking of things that I'll then feel like I shouldn't have talked about, Rod Stewart finally addressed the urban legend. But I'm not even gonna say what it is because you have to hear how the newscaster describes it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Legend about getting his stomach pumped after

[Allison Rosen]

supposedly ingesting bodily fluids.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a very mean spirited press man. He was so upset at being fired, he decided to start this ridiculous rumor. An absolute lie. Yeah, kids had to live with this for a while, you know, it's. It's hard, you know, it's wicked, wicked thing.

[Allison Rosen]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, he cannot be punished enough for the song Passion and or Hot Legs and many of the other horrible songs he's punished me with over the years. I feel like he's taken a considerable piece of my life away with some of his horrific, horrific songs. I mean, he is so horrible as an artist that this little rumor, Graham Parker and the rumor getting back together by the way new album, three chords. Good. This little white colored semen lies is nothing. This is nothing. It's like you're talking about the Holocaust and I'm saying, yeah, you know, one time Hitler backed over some of my shrub and I'm like, no, he killed 6 million Jews. I know, I know. But I had just planted these shrubs. This is nothing. Whatever pain your family was caused by this rumor, whatever caused whatever. Whatever hardship it caused you or whatever pain it caused your heart, I don't give a shit. You've punished my ears with your horrific brand of music for so many years that this is a pittance.

[Graham Parker]

It's. It sounds funny to me that the kids would roar with laughter, wouldn't they?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's funny. I feel it's manipulative that he would bring up his kids to make.

[Graham Parker]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Feel bad.

[Graham Parker]

They were chuckling away.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

They thought it was great. By the way, Rod has covered one of my songs, Hotel Chamber.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a genius.

[Graham Parker]

It's a genius, isn't he? You've changed your opinion and just snap like that, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Hotel Chamber made now would have been off Howling wind. No, he treat a minute. He treatment.

[Graham Parker]

Close enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Close enough.

[Graham Parker]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

He.

[Graham Parker]

He covered it on his probably least selling album of all time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

Of the COVID versions of people like Oasis and Myself and Nicolo, even. And I think it was his least selling. They, they. People want the hot legs, don't they? Let's be honest. Holy smoke. That sounds remarkably like it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I can sing this song.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a Graham Parker.

[Graham Parker]

Thank you, Rod. Thank you, Rod. He's ripping off something else at the Stones. He's ripping the Stones off and injecting it into my song.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yours is so much better.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah. Thank you, Rod.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right. Outside my window Gonna get there, gonna get low Gonna shut the bell boy out tonight See, I know the song. This one's from 1976.

[Graham Parker]

You know your stuff, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I know my grandpa. But now I'm sickened that Rod Stewart has desecrated the Graham Parker song.

[Allison Rosen]

But do we believe that a publicist started that urban legend? Like, I feel like urban legends are bigger than. I mean, I guess that must be that. One person starts it, but it feels like it's somehow bigger than that.

[Bald Brian]

He should not have offered any explanation. I don't know that game. I heard that, too. Who knows?

[Adam Carolla]

I like the part where whoever was interviewing him had to go, that's a lie. Right? Like that was made up. No. I ingested 10 liters of male semen. And then had to have my stomach pumped. First off, something about stomach pumping caught America and possibly the UK. It just captured our imaginations somewhere around the mid-70s because there was a lot of. Like, if a kid wasn't home, wasn't like, missed a day of school, like, where's Darrell? Had to have a stomach pumped. He ate an Etch A Sketch and had to pump his stomach. It was like a lot of pumping of stomachs. Eating some bad bologna and pumped his stomach. Pumping his stomach. How come nobody. Everyone just shits everything out now. Nobody pumps anything anymore or you eat a charcoal tablet or something. But this pumping of the stomach and

[Allison Rosen]

what is it even? They stick a tube down your nose. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think there's puppies.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyone around here, have this done.

[Graham Parker]

I think down your throat. You might sort of do something with

[Adam Carolla]

some bellows like that your dad would have done.

[Allison Rosen]

They just sit on your stomach and.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah, that was the old school way of doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think everything that was in, you either you yacked it up or came out of your ass or if you ate some poison, they gave you some charcoal.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. And we actually. My mom used to have this whole chart on the inside of the cupboard which had all, like, all the antidotes or what you're supposed to do if you eat plants or if you eat this or do this or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

No one ever went for those.

[Allison Rosen]

Because I know that if there's certain things, if you eat them, you're not supposed to induce vomiting. Like things that'll rip your insides out,

[Adam Carolla]

9 volt batteries and stuff like that.

[Allison Rosen]

For some things, you're supposed to drink a mixture of detergent because it'll neutralize it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Like very diluted.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

Sounds bad, doesn't it? Maybe the blood transfusion thing was big for a while after Keith Richards, you know, said he went to Switzerland to have his.

[Adam Carolla]

Got some new blood.

[Graham Parker]

Somebody said that that was kind of a. Yeah. Fashionable stomach pump. He didn't actually. Yeah, he didn't actually do that. He said that was just something he said to.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Graham Parker]

I've written his book. I read that. But I think a lot of people thought that's a great idea to go and have a blood transfer. He changed the entire blood system. So get rid of, you know, stop smoking or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Rod's whole thing was this was a publicist that screwed him over by making this up. And then. What's Richard Gere's story? Same angry publicist on a roll.

[Allison Rosen]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to meet that man.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But anyway, like I said, with all the fucking passions and the hot legs and all that Rod deserves all the punishment that can be meted out with his horrible, horrible.

[Allison Rosen]

So we don't like hot legs. I personally can't stand ZZ Top's legs. So are there any good Luck legs songs?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. The Legs pantyhose commercial where they talk about who wears short shorts. That's better than ZZ Topps. ZZ Top, for a good band has some bad songs.

[Allison Rosen]

That Sleeping Bag song, but it was

[Adam Carolla]

a lot of 80s stuff, and they're like, one day I'll make you a list of good bands with shitty songs. Rod's not on that list. And like I said, every time you like one of Rod's songs, it's someone else's song that you like. First cut is the deepest. Hotel chambermaid, downtown train, things like that. You go, oh, that's. Oh, that's how, you know, you go, what am I doing? Enjoying Rod Stewart. And then you go, oh, that's. That's what. Yeah, that's a Graham Parker song. And then you go, oh, isn't it

[Allison Rosen]

funny how when you enjoy a song and then you find out that it's by someone that you thought you didn't like, it causes an identity crisis? It should just make you go, oh, I'm enjoying a song. But instead it's like, what? I like collective soul.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. I do have that feeling.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't creep up on me too often. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zibbet cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Alison Rosen. I gotta go to my son's Tiger Scout meeting today because we're gonna carve pumpkins.

[Wyclef Jean]

That's the waste of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, this is a waste of everyone's time, but I like to just put a long. You know, I'm gonna tell them about your dad stoking the fires.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Smoking the hand rolled cigarettes and throwing the coal and the burners.

[Graham Parker]

That's the way to live.

[Adam Carolla]

Just sitting there on a bench.

[Graham Parker]

That's real, real, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, just a pine bench. Just sitting there, sucking up some tea, drinking, smoking a cigarette. Big pint pint. Just keeping those boilers going so the people in the hospital could stay warm.

[Graham Parker]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Man coming out with all that coal dust all over his face, looking like he put in a hard day. And I realize I've said this many times, your mom was probably sympathetic and probably had dinner waiting for him as well, because when he came home from work. He looked like he was at work.

[Graham Parker]

He looked like he'd done a real job.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Whereas you go off somewhere, write a couple songs, and come home, your wife's not like, I need to feed you. I go make some fart jokes on a podcast. My wife's not. She doesn't feel sorry for me.

[Penn Jillette]

I know.

[Graham Parker]

I'm basically swanning around the place.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I do.

[Graham Parker]

Yeah, you're just flouncing.

[Adam Carolla]

You're just indulging yourself. You're not actually working.

[Graham Parker]

It's not work. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm telling you, there's a drop off between what is considered work. You can tell people all day long, I worked all day. But air conditioning, checking your team's fantasy scores on your. Your computer, talking on your cell phone, it doesn't feel like work. And when you come home, I mean, I'll tell you, I'll give you an example. Like the Latin guys I work with, like the guys who roof and the guys who do work for a living, like, they work. They come home, there's food waiting for them when they come home because they worked all day. I went and fucked around all day.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, what do we have to do to our appearances to make it look like we worked? What can you do at a studio?

[Adam Carolla]

You got to get a brick hat. Briquette. You gotta rub a charcoal briquette on your face.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to get this salty sweat stain under your underarm where it dries out. And you have to ingest semen and have your stomach pump.

[Allison Rosen]

Looks like one of us is gonna have an easier time. Well, not the stomach pump.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Wait a minute. All right. The great, great Graham Parker in studio. Three chords. Good. The name of the latest sound, and it is Graham Parker and the Rumor Reunited for the first time in 31 years. Available November 19th. You can pre order it on Amazon, make me happy and pre order it on Amazon, as I will do. And you can click through our website, hit the Amazon banner. Show us a little love. This is 40 name of the movie he's in with Judd Apatow. I'm gonna see that tomorrow. So I'll get back to all you on that and then we'll get Jud on the show as well. And that'll be in theaters December 21st. Graham Parker.net is where you go and you can tweet him at. Its Graham Parker, a delight. Graham Parker, my pleasure.

[Graham Parker]

Fabulous. Thank you for your time. I mean, I. I don't actually tweet back because I have a Phone. This is my phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. 1989.

[Graham Parker]

It's, it's analog. Nokia phone. So my, my, my record company, Primary Wave, do a tweet for me. So if it's something that's logical, sensible that you get back for the tweet that I, you know, that, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't ask. Gonna play your goddamn charity though.

[Graham Parker]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

You people. Right off.

[Graham Parker]

I'm angry. I'm very angry.

[Adam Carolla]

He's angry. That's what you need to know.

[Graham Parker]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

At all. As you know, Town Hall, New York City. I'll be doing stand ups Saturday, November 10, so let's not miss that. Redondo beach this Saturday, Performing Arts center with Dennis Prager. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Graham Parker, Allison Rosen and Bob Brian saying mahalo. No, I ingested 10 liters of male semen and then had to have my stomach pumped.

[Penn Jillette]

One of Adam's musical heroes, Graham Parker in studio.

[Adam Carolla]

Very cool episode.

[Penn Jillette]

Hope you guys enjoyed that. That does it for today's cool classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for

[Adam Carolla]

an all new installment. Until then, and get it on. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Wyclef Jean]

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mindset free.

[Graham Parker]

This is the mantra free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the. With movies like Interstellar Dream Girls and Gladiator, why you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah. Pluto TV stream now pay never. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Wyclef Jean]

I swear, if I'm lying, I'm dying.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mindset free.

[Graham Parker]

This is the mantra free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the. With movies like Interstellar Dream Girl and Gladiator, why are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Allison Rosen]

At Vrbo, we understand that even the best of plans sometimes need a little support. So we plan for the plot twists.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

and after your trip.

[Adam Carolla]

Because a great trip starts with peace

[Allison Rosen]

of mind and maybe a good playlist.

[Wyclef Jean]

But we've got the peace of mind part covered.