
Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons returns and they open by talking about the accident that took out his brand-new Mustang, the irony of the NFL using their “End Racism” end zones during a game in Germany, how Greg settled a...
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Adam Carolla
Well, in this episode, Greg Fitzsimmons Fitz dog in studio, always bringing the funny. We'll have mayhem doing some news. Hicks and Gracie of the Gracie Jiu Jitsu family weighs in. He's got a book, gonna talk philosophy. Very interesting conversation. We'll do all that right after this.
Greg Fitzsimmons
I love reality TV on Pluto tv.
Adam Carolla
Same.
Greg Fitzsimmons
And I love that it's free. It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls. I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day. Survivor. I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv. Pluto TV stream now. Hey, never.
Adam Carolla
Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Corl and Dr. Drew show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, beat it out where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be J. Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring you. Subscribe now@adamcarolla.com substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack. All right, this show brought to you in part by SimpliSafe. If you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again. Just go to simplisafe.com Adam get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well to set it up. Custom system is going to show up post haste@simplisafe.com Adam.
Jason Mayhem Miller
From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, Greg Fitzsimmons and mixed martial arts legend Hickson Gracie. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now on the bright side, even if he could have voted, it wouldn't have mattered in California. Adam Carolla.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. There's Joyce. We're gonna manage to get it on. Fitz Dogg in studio where he belongs. He's Got dates coming up. Also, very funny standup special. You know me, I watched it in its entirety. It's on YouTube as we speak. It's free. It's 46 minutes or 41. Oh, 51. Damn. Not a full hour. It goes by fast and it's very good. Also, live dates coming up in Tacoma, Washington. That'll be November 14th through the 16th at the Tacoma Comedy Club, Tempe. I should say Tempe, Arizona. Improv coming up November 22nd through 24th. And Punchline San Fran coming up December 5th through 7th. Good. See you, Fitzdog.
Hickson Gracie
Adam, I come to you. Well, first of all, I'm a little excited. My agent is supposed to come in today. He's Lebanese. I paged him about an hour ago, but I haven't heard anything. And so I'm just hoping.
Adam Carolla
I'm hoping he makes it in with the page.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, maybe his page is blowing up.
Adam Carolla
I don't know.
Hickson Gracie
But.
Adam Carolla
What a time we're living in.
Hickson Gracie
Can you imagine in the history. You gotta go back to the Trojan horse, to a better scheme in the military. And I'm not taking sides. Look, I don't really. I got no skin in that game over there.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Hickson Gracie
Who's who. My hate doesn't really reach that far. I don't hate any. I got enough hate for people here. I hate hate local. That's my thing.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Support local hate.
Hickson Gracie
Support local hate.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah. Organically, locally sourced hate. Yeah, I know. I got the 405. I go from here to Malibu every day. I got enough hate.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, right.
Adam Carolla
I don't need to drive to Lebanon.
Hickson Gracie
No, no. They can hate themselves and, you know, so. But really, when you think about it, like the planning, if you had written that into a script.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
The studio would have been like, nah, even Jason Bourne, this wouldn't happen.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I mean. And it's interesting that it is, I think, a kind of a fantasy slash slight obsession of all young boys. Because it started with James Bond.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
He had a car and he pushed a button and an oil slick came out. And then the ejector seat, which I would use twice a week.
Hickson Gracie
No, easily, easily. Also ski poles that were rifles.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Hickson Gracie
Like all the condoms filled with poison.
Adam Carolla
A Lotus that. Huh. Who's that? Drake? No, I kind of. No, he had a Lotus that turned into a submarine.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
It's also a kind of a thing where you have to really realize, like, if they said, hey, Fitz dog, we've outfitted your car so that you can drive off the pier, you'd Go, thanks, but I don't think there's a high likelihood of me driving off of the pier. And they go, well, you never know. And then at some point in the middle of act two, you go, oh, I'm so glad this car has torpedoes and a periscope, because I am being chased off a pier at this point. It maybe became one of those self fulfilling prophecies.
Hickson Gracie
Well, there's an old adage started in playwriting which is if you put a gun under the couch, somebody's gotta shoot the gun.
Adam Carolla
Right? Right. So it would be a ballsy move to do 20 minutes on outfitting a car to be a submarine and just have him driving through Arizona the entire movie and never coming close to a body of water.
Hickson Gracie
Well, it's pretty similar to people driving Humvees in Los Angeles when they Never go over 32 miles an hour and they never leave asphalt.
Adam Carolla
I know, I see Humvees and the Cybertruck everywhere. But in traffic on the 101 as we creep along at nine miles an hour and you've got £10,000 worth of fully electric Humvee and it's just creeping along. And it's also kind of funny when you see like a fully loaded Porsche turbo, you know, stickers 285 on it and then there's a Lamborghini Aventador sticker 445 on it, and then there's a busted up Toyota Camry with a couple of Mexicans in it and the windows down because there's no air. And it's moving. They're moving at the exact same time.
Hickson Gracie
No one's winning that race.
Adam Carolla
When the guy bought the Aventador Lambo, it was explained to him that at a top speed of 212 miles an hour and zero to 60 and 2.7 seconds, but there they are with the sun faded Camry all just creeping to the same coffin.
Hickson Gracie
And that Lambo, not a comfortable ride if you're just sitting in traffic and you're changing gears every 14 seconds. Well, you just creep right out of first gear into second and then you gotta come back.
Adam Carolla
Maybe, maybe it's, it's intended. You only buy that car to be seen in that car. Not to drive the Hummer and go off roading and not to take the Lambo down to the track. You only drive it to be seen. And I guess the argument is, is you shall be seen going nine miles an hour for the next 14 off ramps. Like everyone's going to get a look at you. You're not moving Right.
Hickson Gracie
And then they get dark tinted windows in their Ferrari and you go like, you literally are driving this to be seen. And now I can't see you.
Adam Carolla
Yes. Now your Mustang.
Hickson Gracie
Oh, Jesus. Why did you have to bring it up?
Adam Carolla
Well, because you were walking on sunshine last time I saw you because you'd finally squeezed the trigger on an American muscle car after driving a Prius for 13 years. Right. And in general, just a fun car, you said. You know what? You basically did the same thing I did with the $10,000 Japanese sex robot. You know what? I work so hard, all I do is take care of people around me. And now it's time for me to reward myself.
Hickson Gracie
Did you get the robot?
Adam Carolla
I'm designing it. You put your own features. There's accents and dialects.
Hickson Gracie
It's just weird that all the features are Asian. Ironically made in Korea.
Adam Carolla
And no, my joke that I occasionally do is I would buy the robot because they're now six foot and blonde and they work. You know what I mean? But when we were growing up, you could stash porn in the woods. Between the mattress and the box ring, you could stash porn. Where are you going to stash a six foot robot?
Hickson Gracie
Right.
Adam Carolla
That's. You have. So my angle was the robot would have to perform other functions so you had plausible deniability.
Hickson Gracie
And also you. It's a cross dressing sex doll so that when it's doing the errands, it's your manservant.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Hickson Gracie
It's got a tuxedo on, a mustache. And then at night.
Adam Carolla
Or mowing the lawn, maybe the flannels and the jeans. And then at night.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, that's my guy. That's just my guy.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's my guy.
Hickson Gracie
He's got a secret. You don't need to know what it is.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And that's not semen on his forehead.
Hickson Gracie
No, no, no. That's shaving cream.
Adam Carolla
Well, robots sweat. They don't sweat like we sweat. Didn't you see Alien? All right, so the Mustang.
Hickson Gracie
All right, so I get the Mustang. I've got it for a month and a half. I'm taking it. I'm literally the guy that takes a car for a drive. You know, like in the 1950s, dad would take you out for a drive.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Now that you've rewarded yourself with the.
Hickson Gracie
Mustang, I'm going up into Mulholland Drive and I'm screaming through the hills. And I'm just. Even my wife runs out of butter. I'll go. I'll go to the store.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
So I'm Driving down to Orange County. I had a gig on a Thursday night in Orange county. And I'm driving down Lincoln Boulevard, which is three lanes in either direction, and it's Marina Del Rey, so it is packed. It's before you get on the 90 and going down the right lane, and I guess the left lane and center lane had stopped and created a gap. And a guy from the other direction made a left and cut in front of them and then came right into the right lane without looking and slammed into my car. Crushed my whole car. So it doesn't drive. I barely get it off the side of the road. He pulls over and I get out of the car. And it was decades of me feeling like I didn't deserve it. That's why I didn't get the car. Adam. I'm ashamed to say I thought, like, I don't deserve good things mentality.
Adam Carolla
Yes, yes.
Hickson Gracie
And so he hit me. And I got out and I started screaming f. My voice was sore for a week. Fuck. Fuck. I go, I never thought I deserved a good car. I said I was driving a Prius. And I finally did it. And then I go, I'm sorry.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
And the guy couldn't have been cooler. He was like, dude, my fault 100%. And everything's been cool with the insurance.
Adam Carolla
But is the car totaled?
Hickson Gracie
Not totaled, but it's going to take about five weeks to fix.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You do wonder sometimes. I will tell a story I have told before, but it has been years since I've told this story. But I'm curious what your take is on this story, because that feeling of, you're not supposed to have this, you know, this is for others, you know, I'm a Fitzsimmons. We don't do this, you know, or whatever. I had the very same story, but with automobile air conditioning. I grew up in the San Fernando Valley. I grew up with parents and grandparents that never owned an automobile with air conditioning. So everyone. No one bought a new car. And if they ever did. My dad bought a new Volkswagen Rabbit once, but stripped down, you know, like vinyl. Everything in a four speed and no air, you know. And so I never had a car with air in my family. And we were in. We had a bad situation in that we never had a carport or a garage. It was just parked out in the driveway all the time, just baking. And I was always sensitive. I got real hot. I was like a head sweater, you know, I was just uncomfortable with heat. And then I moved out and the first vehicle I bought was A Mazda pickup truck, like a 79. Long bed crew cab, regular cab, nowhere, nowhere. And I drove trucks because I work construction and I never bought a new truck because I couldn't afford a new truck and I didn't have credit or anything. So I bought used Japanese, old Japanese Dots and trucks and stuff. And none of them had air. And then at some point I graduated to an Isuzu Trooper.
Hickson Gracie
Oh, there you go.
Adam Carolla
But it didn't have air in it. Well, because it was like an 82, you know, whatever. And then at some point as I started to like get halfway into show business now, not show business, but like no longer swinging a hammer for a living, doing like radio bits for 50 bucks a bit and syndicated stuff, you know, whatever, 75 bucks here, whatever. But I actually making a living in a field that didn't involve me packing my tools in and stuff. I bought a super old beat to shit Toyota Supra and the air didn't work. And I was like. It was like in Gone with the win at the end where I was like, I need air. Like, I will. I must experience driving. Now I'm at this point 30, maybe 30 and a half, 31.
Hickson Gracie
And I you doing radio full time at this point.
Adam Carolla
I'm doing Kevin and Bean contributing to Jimmy and Kevin and bean and kroq and I'm getting like 50 bucks a bit. But then I'm also taking my bits to the syndicated radio place where you would record them and they would distribute them to other morning shows which they did a lot of which you didn't know. It's their little secret, you know. So they'd come on and they'd, you know, they'd be in Muncie, Indiana, going, hey, Mr. Burcham's on again because it's Tuesday. How you doing, Mr. Burcham? Thanks for having me. And they thought it was a contained.
Hickson Gracie
Bit where you weren't going back and forth recorded bit. They pretended like you were there.
Adam Carolla
They would do it like, you know when Byron Allen does one of those interviews with Tom Cruise.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, so I heard you have a. I heard that. I heard cactuses are in bloom right.
Adam Carolla
Now and they show a tie to him. And then back they. There's a way. No, they didn't do it in a way where they pretended to interact with me. They just pretended like I was exclusive to their morning show. And they'd go, Mr. Bertram's back. It's Tuesday. What do you have to say, Mr. Bertram? And then I'd do the bit prerecorded. And then they'd go, another good one, Mr. Bersham. All right, we'll see you next Tuesday. And then they'd hang up, you know, or whatever. I don't know how they did it because I wasn't there. But every once in a while, I would run into somebody, and everyone did it. I think Jimmy did the sports guy. It was a way. So. Because once a while I'd run into somebody and they'd go, oh, yeah. I used to listen to the Bertram thing. And I'd. And I'd be like, where? Oh, I grew up in Idaho, you know. And I'd go, I didn't do them. And I. Oh, our morning show had Mr. Burcham. We used to do Dingo Boys, which is a thing that me and Jimmy produce this thing called Dingo Boy. I think they did Bircham. They did maybe Jimmy the sports guy. And you'd go in. He'd laid out like three, five of them or something. But you got 75 bucks a bit.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And it only took you an hour and residual.
Hickson Gracie
So they can be sending to 100 places and you're not getting any more money.
Adam Carolla
For a guy who's making 15 bucks an hour swinging a hammer, that was some good cash. So I announced I was going to have air conditioning. Like, I was not going to be denied. And I would, like, be the first Corolla with air conditioning. And again, I'm working in the San Fernando Valley. I'm living in north highway, and I'm living in La Crescenda. I mean, it is hot dog days or whatever, and I'm sweating it out in this car. And so because I'm still have a poor person mentality, I go, I'm going to fix this air myself.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
But the air conditioning is the most complicated thing on the car because it has a whole closed system. So I find a place in Van Nuys. I sell a receiver dryer. The other one sells a pump, an air conditioner pump. I buy everything, Spend entire, like, white trash weekend in the driveway, you know, underneath the thing. Put the whole thing together, go up the hill, pay someone 40 bucks to charge it with Freon. Because you have to charge it. Charge it with Freon. Get in the car, push that blue button with the icicles on it. And, like, trying to do. I think it's heating. I think it's cooling. Nothing. Nothing. Go back, take the thing apart. Turns out the receiver dryer they sold me was malfunctioning. Get a new one, exchange it, go back, spend another Saturday, do The thing. Go back up the hill and chart. Every time you open the system, you have to recharge it for 40 bucks with Freon. Recharge it again with Freon. Go back up. Nothing. Cannot get the fucking thing working. I'm going nuts. And I realize, I go, look, fuck it, you're making money now. You want air conditioning, you need air conditioning. I'm going to go to the place that just does air conditioning repair in automobiles, and I'm going to take it there and I'm going to drop it off and I'm going to say, I'm not picking this car up until there's cold air blowing through that. And that's all you guys do. And the guy goes, yeah, we'll. We'll take care of it. And I remember Jimmy dropped me off, like, after Kevin and Bean followed me. Yeah, and, and like, and like. And I dropped. Dropped the car off and then picked me up, you know. Remember you used to follow people around, like before Uber, And I would always get. I'd always get pissed off because whoever I told to follow me KN never really followed me. And then the light would go red and then I'd have to pull over and then people would honk and I'd be like, what part of follow me don't we really. He drops me off, Jimmy and I go out to lunch. I go back to my apartment. They're like, pick it up at 5 o'clock, it'll be ready to go. Get a ride back at 5 o'clock. I come walking in, I go, air conditioning in the Supra. And they go, oh, yeah, we've been trying to call you. Never good. You know, back before the cell phone.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
When you dropped it off, you took the keys. So we haven't touched it?
Hickson Gracie
No.
Adam Carolla
And when it was in our parking lot, somebody hit it, which was like. I was like, you have got to be kidding me. Like, no. And I'm like, well, can I just leave it here and work? No, we can't leave it here overnight. Like, yeah, take it, but bring it back the next day. Bring it back. I think Jimmy drove me again. Brings it back. My dad actually takes me back that night to pick it up. And I walk in and I go, is it working now? And the guy goes, yep, mortgage, you know, get in the car, turn the air on. And I. And I turn the air on and I'm riding all the way home with the air blowing, but I'm having an eerie harbinger feeling, like, this isn't this Wasn't supposed to be. I literally burned a thousand man hours and $1,000 and I forced air into this car. It was rejecting it. It was like a liver that the body was rejecting the whole time. And I forced it and forced it. And I said to my dad, who's a little bit cosmic, I mean, not, you know, hurdy gurdy man. But I just went, I'm not into the great magnet. But this was not. This is not going to work. It's just not going to. Like, it just wasn't meant to be. I don't know what's going to happen, but it's not going to be good. And like three days later, I parked the car in front of my apartment. And to look like I had the screen door shut, I had the door open, getting some air, and I was looking at. It was on the phone with Jimmy. It was in Newark. And drunk driver and a full size Ford pickup hit it so hard that the pickup turned right, hopped the curb, and the guy was facing me at the balcony in the Ford. He went right. Instead of careening off in the street, he hit the thing so hard that my car popped off the curb and dragged out to the middle of the street, just caramed off and he popped and was facing me. And I was like on the phone with Jimmy. And Jimmy goes, what was that? Like there's glass shattering.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
In metal crunch. I go, that was my car being destroyed. And he goes, seriously, what was that? I go, that was my car being destroyed. And he goes. I go, like, I'll call you back or something. I hung up. The guy pulled this truck out and took off with two flat front tires. Where? Car was totaled.
Hickson Gracie
Wait, did you get his insurance or. He fled. He fled on two flat tires?
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Like sparks coming out, like just down. He was loaded.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And abandoned his truck two blocks away and took it on foot. And then eventually they tracked him down.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And he didn't have insurance or anything. Oh, no. And I was like, I knew this car was going to be. I've never had a car destroyed or total. I've never been in an accident, but I knew this car was going to. This car was sitting there and completely totaled.
Hickson Gracie
Wow.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
Damn.
Adam Carolla
Damn.
Hickson Gracie
That's amazing.
Adam Carolla
Maybe the Mustang wasn't meant to be. I don't know. You gotta think about it cosmically.
Hickson Gracie
Well, I think I have to realign. The worst thing is you buy a Mustang and you did this to me. I don't know if you remember this, but I said, I finally got the Mustang and you went, did you get the V8? And I just. I just crumbled. I was just like. But I got the Mustang. And I didn't feel like I deserved the V8.
Adam Carolla
I didn't.
Hickson Gracie
And it wasn't a 2025. It was 2023.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you got the V6 Ecotech or whatever it is with the twin turbos on it. It is. It makes good power. Yeah, no judgment there. 305 or something cubic inches. Yeah, I don't think the. I do not think the V6 is a 305 cubic inches. It's probably a three liter.
Hickson Gracie
No, I think it's a 305.
Adam Carolla
Well, 305 would be a V8.
Hickson Gracie
Guys. Can you check on that?
Adam Carolla
If 305 is the cubic inch, it'd be a small block V8.
Hickson Gracie
Okay.
Adam Carolla
But it would nonetheless be a V8.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
But be all that as it may, the car's getting fixed.
Hickson Gracie
Car's getting fixed. Guy took full responsibility. They rented me a big AMC truck, which. I gotta tell you something. I've never driven a big SUV before. It's fucking nice.
Adam Carolla
I know.
Hickson Gracie
You sit up so high. I never feel like there's a blind side. I see everything and it floats. And the braking. There's no grabbing with the braking. Cause it's so heavy that it just naturally slows down when you hit the brake.
Adam Carolla
I agree. I got used to driving SUV as well. All right, we'll see if we can find the 305 Mustang engine option. Which. I'm not a Mustang expert, but that feels like a V8.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
To me. Now I feel there's a V8 and then there's a V6. But the V6 is going to be maybe a 3.5 liter or 3 liter or something like that. But there's a difference between liters and cubic inches. The 19 oh. The 192023 Ford Mustang does have a 305V engine. So it is the V6 and a 305, which is a big V6. Yeah, that is big because there's 60 cubic inches per liter. So that is a big ass V6. You're right. And I owe you an apology.
Hickson Gracie
Well, listen, I don't know a lot about cars, but that one stuck in my head like, Jesus Christ, that's big. And when you get on the highway, you really don't notice that you're going 100 miles an hour.
Adam Carolla
Oh, wait a minute.
Hickson Gracie
Hold on.
Adam Carolla
Sorry. The 23 Ford Mustang does not have a 305 V6.
Hickson Gracie
What is it? That 2024 does.
Adam Carolla
Well, there is. You say EcoBoost V8. That sounds confusing to me, too. I thought it was a V8 or an EcoBoost 6. Yeah, that's what I think. We're scrubbing the Internet.
Hickson Gracie
But it does guzzle gas, though. Jesus.
Adam Carolla
Turbo. Listen, you can get 1,000 horsepower out of a 2 liter, which is 120 cubic inches. 120 cubic inches, 2 liter. You can get 1,000 horsepower out of it if you turbocharge it and wind it up.
Hickson Gracie
Fuel injected, everything.
Adam Carolla
I mean. I mean, you won't be able to drive it on the street. But what I'm saying is I have a Porsche race car that's got a 3.2 liter V, flat 6, small, twin turbo. They get 750 horsepower out of it that's turned way, way up. All right, so now the EcoBoost is. The EcoBoost is the direct injected Turbo 4i4. So that's a straightforward. Right, but that's the EcoBoost, not that.
Hickson Gracie
Okay.
Adam Carolla
Okay. Anyway, it's gone. It's coming back. Let's not live in the past. Let me ask you this.
Hickson Gracie
Anything.
Adam Carolla
I was watching the NFL yesterday. They're playing games internationally now.
Hickson Gracie
The Giants played over in London.
Adam Carolla
They played in London. They had a game in Germany last on Sunday. The NFL has their end zone sayings, and their end zone sayings are better together stuff. Nonsensical, who knows? Names of books that you'll never read. But one of them is end racism, which I always argue with, because first off, the only people that ever see that are black people. There's not a lot of, you know, maybe, Kelsey, there are not a lot of white dudes in the end zone over there. But it also makes you think, like, there's probably a big issue. Like, if I came to this country and I turned on the NFL game and it said, end racism in the end zone, I'd go, well, evidently there's a pretty big problem. Yeah, but now we're international, so now we're in Germany. So now Germany has to write end racism in their end zone. And they have a history.
Hickson Gracie
Germany does.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
And all I'm saying is, do they get a vote? Like, I know it's the NFL. It's their thing, but now you're in our country, you see, do they get to go, how about just better together in each one?
Hickson Gracie
Right.
Adam Carolla
You know what I mean?
Hickson Gracie
Right, right.
Adam Carolla
There's a lot of, you know, a lot of people in the stands have folks that fled to Brazil in their family you know what I'm saying? I don't know. Do you want to drum this up?
Hickson Gracie
Well, maybe you pick specific things each country. Like if you're in Germany, you know, hey guys, slow it down in October.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
You know, something that can. Maybe there's an issue in October in Germany they need to deal with a little bit.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I agree. Like custom make them right to the country. But because we're exporting football. But now we're also exporting our sayings, our messages.
Hickson Gracie
Yes.
Adam Carolla
You know, and they do the German flag and the American flag. Like they do all that stuff.
Hickson Gracie
Like in Canada. I don't know that there's racism because there aren't really races.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Hickson Gracie
Well, you need an ism to have an es.
Adam Carolla
They get a little picky over French, I think. And oh, the Quebec thing. Yeah, they get a little persnickety about that.
Hickson Gracie
I think they went to. I think they did more, more damage to the indigenous population than America even did. Yeah, they keep apologizing for that.
Adam Carolla
The other sign I saw, I think.
Hickson Gracie
Their end zone just says oops.
Adam Carolla
Oops. The other thing I saw that I thought was funny and it was insane, which is I was at an event on Saturday and I'm obsessed with the freeway signs because I look at as tremendous waste of time and money. Because the electronic freeway signs could say use your signal but they also don't. It wouldn't have to pertain to something with your car. It could say stop blaming your parents or you know, floss or something. It could say anything that would be helpful to the billions of people. But just as clicking or ticket. Yeah. Are slow for the cone zone which I'm like, everyone's got their seatbelt on or doesn't. It's a waste. It's a waste. The new one they have on the 405. You're going to see it when you go home today. Is feeling tired. Pull over and nap. Now it goes like statewide but I'm seeing this in bumper to bumper Traffic on the 405 going through Westwood at 3pm Is there going to be any pulling over and nap. What percentage at 2:45 in the afternoon on a Thursday of people stuck in traffic on this stretch of the 405 who are traveling between, you know, you're right parallel with UCLA and the Veterans Administration.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Basically coming up on Wilshire, how many folks are going to heed this warning to pull over and then where would one pull over? Because I feel like you'll get arrested or rolled or shot.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, I think It's Italians. They, you know, they eat pasta at lunch and then they're driving back to their job.
Adam Carolla
Carb loads.
Hickson Gracie
Yes, they carb load. And now they're driving back to the double wide that they run their construction company out of in Van Nuys.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
And they get a little groggy.
Adam Carolla
They should pull over.
Hickson Gracie
Yes.
Adam Carolla
Maybe it should say, paisan, pull over. I'm just saying, like, what information?
Hickson Gracie
Well, let me tell you, I'm on.
Adam Carolla
The 4 or 5 with millions of people and millions of eyeballs crawling with nothing to do but look up and read this sign.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
There could be something. Get a Prostate. Men over 50.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Prostate exam today.
Hickson Gracie
I work with a guy, Pat House, who opens for me on the road sometimes. Very funny comic from Philly. And one of his jokes is he saw one of those signs and it said reduce childhood abuse.
Adam Carolla
Right. Not eliminated.
Hickson Gracie
Not eliminated.
Adam Carolla
Don't shoot for the stars. I mean, just bring it down.
Hickson Gracie
There's some shitty kids out there.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah. People that need to learn valuable lessons. Reduce, reduce. I am in love with that. I'm in love. I used to do a bit on end senior abuse. As if you being behind a municipal truck would somehow discourage you from doing this.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And I would argue first off, if that's your thing, beating up the elderly.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I just don't feel like the bumper sticker, you know, it's like rapists, knock it off. I just don't feel like there's enough there.
Hickson Gracie
Maybe end elderly abuse should be T shirts and you give them to people in old folks homes.
Adam Carolla
Yes. So I can see my victim.
Hickson Gracie
Right. Because some of these Jamaican women, they get a little ride for 15 bedpans an hour.
Adam Carolla
I agree. And not only that, but I argue that the end senior abuse license, you know, bumper sticker reminds more people to beat the elderly. Don't you think? It certainly is not going to discourage anybody from doing it.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. You say, I haven't seen grandpa in a while and you swing by and u turn, he doesn't remember you.
Adam Carolla
Pow.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
To the moon.
Hickson Gracie
To the moon, Grandpa.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. So I don't think any of these things have. But end racism doesn't end. It's impossible and inconceivable that this could have any effect on any of us ever. All of better together. Well, there's just sort of nebulous stuff like we're better together. Like with who? Like us. Like who us? Like my family or us in Hamas? Or like who's, who's this team you're talking about?
Hickson Gracie
Maybe they should put up that thing with the. The. Is it coexist? That's made up of all the different. I'm telling you, man, whoever came up with that, that was pretty fucking clever. You may think it's like, you know, hippie dippy or whatever, but they kind of nailed it.
Adam Carolla
No, I. That and the person that came up the concept for chips Hot California Highway Patrol. You know the beginning when they shoved the eye in there. Chips. Chips.
Hickson Gracie
Oh yeah, yeah, that's good.
Adam Carolla
So I don't think any of this does anything. I don't think anybody passing by the sign pulls over and gets arrest. I don't think anyone slows down or ends the senior abuse. I don't think anybody stops the child abuse or at least reins it in a little bit. I realize we're bombarded by messages, but we ignore almost all of them. And then people go, well, what's wrong with that? You're just being told not to abuse your child or not to be racist or something. And I would argue two things. One, it makes it seem like that's our culture. But then two, I think there's a crazy tune out factor where people don't hear anything anymore. And that stuff they need to hear.
Hickson Gracie
Well, like the super vague you remember after 9, 11, if you see something, say something. It's more like, hey, if you notice any brown people acting suspiciously, call the police.
Adam Carolla
Also, yes, the neighborhood. I'm in Malibu. They'll walk up the hill in the back of Malibu. They have neighborhood alert things like if you see a suspicious person, well, that would be a black person in Malibu. If you saw a black dude in a hoodie like walking around someone's driveway kind of peeking around. That's what we're talking about. We're not talking about Alan Hamill and Suzanne Summers. We're not talking about them.
Hickson Gracie
Or watch out for a drunken Caitlyn Jenner.
Adam Carolla
Oh, that pch. That should have been on that fucking sign. Yeah. Oh, the best. I was just talking about this the other day. The Malibu lifeguard stations have a Keep Malibu hate free. So there's hate evidently running wild. I'm just saying. Here's my thing. When you have nothing, put a picture of a missing kid. The freeway sign that has nothing could have a picture of a missing kid. Nobody's pulling over for a nap in Westwood at 3:00. But maybe someone knows little Laura, right?
Dawson
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
Keep our beaches hate free. It makes you feel like what just happened.
Adam Carolla
There must have been an incident involving a lynching or those Jewish civil rights Kids that they never found their car. They were going to Nobu. And that's the last anyone saw him. Was leaving Nobu. They found the car on PCH across from Duke's.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. With the Land Rover with the coexist bumper sticker.
Adam Carolla
That's right. But the last time they were spotted was leaving Nobu with Kanye and they haven't been seen since. So I don't know if they're buried somewhere in this vast sand, but let's stop the hate, people. Can we? Already? Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
Wow.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
Geez. Especially on beaches, you know, that's the most peaceful place. Like, I don't think I've ever seen hate on a beach before.
Adam Carolla
No, the closest traffic is where you see it. The closest incident I ever had to a hate crime on the beach is when I was like 8. I was humiliated. I was like 8.
Hickson Gracie
Did a bully kick sand in your.
Adam Carolla
Face and then you lifted weights? No, I was walking down the beach where the. Right where the tide just over the rolled in and came up. It's just enough to get your feet wet kind of place. And I look down and there was a six pack of Coke in bottles sort of half buried in the sand. And I was like. And we were so fucking poor and hungry all the time. We never had anything, you know, drink from the hose. And I was like, oh my God, a six pack of Coke is washed up upon the beach. And I'm. And I like went around. I was like, oh my God, this is gonna. It was so weird and rare to just have a Coke when I was nine, you know, And I bent over to start pulling it out of the sand. And I hear, excuse you. And I'm like, what is this? And I look and it's some bitch like standing there going, we put it in the sand to keep it cold. Get away from it. And I was like, that's my entire life you've just kept. You summarized. Thank you for my entire life.
Hickson Gracie
You don't deserve the cup.
Adam Carolla
You're not getting it. You don't deserve it. There'll be no air conditioning for you. And you thought one minute ago you were lucky and now you're being embarrassed in front of a group of people. You should hang your head and keep walking. Oh, that's brutal.
Hickson Gracie
And it was cold. It was in the sand.
Adam Carolla
And I was doing a nine year old's math. Like this washed up plus half the stuff I saw when I was a kid involved castaways and stuff washing up on shores and Swiss Family Robinson and all that kind of Stuff was all themed about the beach and stuff, washing up.
Hickson Gracie
So I thought some dude finding a kilo of coke in Miami.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, that came a little later. But there was a board game called Castaway. I swear to God, you could find a commercial for that. I think it was called Castaway. It was like a 70s board game, and it was like stupid kids on the beach, like one of those commercials from your past, but not one you ever think of or pull up. But anyway, that's my life. Drink from the house.
Hickson Gracie
I almost got in a fight yesterday. Very close to a fight. I got on. I was in Philly, flying home, and I walked down the aisle and I got the window seat, and there's a guy in the middle seat. And so I say, excuse me, I'm over there. But then I sat down and I put.
Adam Carolla
He's in the middle.
Hickson Gracie
He's in the middle.
Adam Carolla
You gotta get past him.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
So he gets up and I sit down, and then I put my bag in the middle, thinking he was on the aisle. For some reason, I just forgot. And so he just stands there. He doesn't say anything. And he just fucking eyeballs me, just stares me down. And I go, what's the problem? And he just looked at my bag and he goes, that's my seat. And I go, well, why didn't you just say that? I go, why are you fucking eyeballing me right now? And he's got a thick, ugly Philly accent. And so he goes. So he sits down and he says something else to me. We go back and forth.
Adam Carolla
But this is a six hour flight, right? It's a six hour flight. That's a lot of time.
Hickson Gracie
I'm a coach, Adam.
Adam Carolla
I'm saying it's a lot of time to be literally rubbing elbows with the guy you got some beef with before you get off the ground.
Hickson Gracie
So I sit down and he's sitting next to me, and we don't say anything. And I don't have a big hang up about it. I spoke my piece. I would have had an issue if I hadn't said something back to him about it. So then we're sitting there and he's got an attitude. He keeps looking at me. And then about an hour into the flight, I say, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. And I think you know why. I think you know my history.
Adam Carolla
Mm. Oh, yeah. Oh, you got masturbate.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. So I said, excuse me, can I get up? And he goes. He goes. He goes, no, he's got his. He's Got a computer. He goes, he goes, no, I'm working.
Adam Carolla
Really? Yeah. See, just bukkake them.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, that'll get a guy to move. Amazing. And I go, I go, no, I'm serious. I need you to get up. And he goes, I'm not getting up. Yeah. So we went back and forth.
Adam Carolla
Oh, my God.
Hickson Gracie
And then I was like. And the weird thing is I understand why there's fights on planes. If he and I had had a conflict off a plane, there would have been three, four, five feet between us.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Hickson Gracie
But when there's an inch between you and another human and you have even a small disagreement, it gets very big very fast.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Hickson Gracie
And so I did the smart thing. I hit the flight attendant button. Flight attendant, come over. Excuse me, can you ask this gentleman to move so I can go to the restroom? And then the guy stares at me, and I stare right back. And he kind of leans in and I lean in.
Adam Carolla
Is there another guy on the aisle?
Hickson Gracie
Yes.
Adam Carolla
Does he have to experience this?
Hickson Gracie
He's got on headphones and he's doing his own thing.
Adam Carolla
Good for him.
Hickson Gracie
And so he stands up and I go to the bathroom. I take care of what I need to take care of.
Adam Carolla
Sure.
Hickson Gracie
And I come back and in the bathroom I had to fart.
Adam Carolla
Let me write this down.
Hickson Gracie
I clipped it. I sucked it in. Didn't let it out. And then I walked back to the seat. And he got up. And as I got in, I ripped it. I ripped it on C. E. And I just let it waft and I just sat down. Wow. Put on my headphones and I went to sleep. And I slept for the rest of the flight.
Adam Carolla
Now the ejaculation fart. I feel like sometimes that can be hard to hold back, you know?
Hickson Gracie
Oh. Cause your whole nether regions are releasing. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Everything's kind of running. And it's a Chinese fire drill going on down there, you know. But you kept the fart chambered.
Hickson Gracie
Kept it chambered. And I had. Had a cheese platter. Because American airlines, the only snack they offer you cross country is a cheese box. You want to create more gas in the cabin of the plane. Offer cheese box.
Adam Carolla
Maybe they're trying to bind you up so you don't drop the deuce.
Hickson Gracie
That's true.
Adam Carolla
In there.
Hickson Gracie
Maybe they're less your lactose intolerant.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Well, then, you know, I think you stay away from it.
Hickson Gracie
I am lactose intolerant, but I was so fucking hungry, I got the cheese box anyway.
Adam Carolla
And then you crop dusted the guy.
Hickson Gracie
When you came back yeah, with a cheese fart. It was very eggy, had a hint of sulfur.
Adam Carolla
What do you think this guy's age and profession was? And he lived in Philly, Right. Was going to LA to do something. What? Any guess? And he was working. He has computer open spreadsheet on it.
Hickson Gracie
Didn't notice, but my computer was open. And the second half of the flight I had my screen up and I was working on. Since my hour. I've got a new hour special.
Adam Carolla
You're working on jokes and I'm working on my jokes.
Hickson Gracie
I got a spreadsheet out, I'm moving jokes around. And I actually talk about this in my special, that this truly, this is the second time this happened. And he was looking at my screen and I typed stop looking at my screen.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
These are all things I could never do. I just don't have the intestinal fortitude to do any of the things you just discussed. I would just sort of eat shit and sit there and.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, but you're in first class. You don't deal with these kinds of people.
Adam Carolla
Some of the time I am, but oftentimes I'm not.
Hickson Gracie
I mean, let's profile a human being that ends up in a middle seat on a cross country flight. This is not a human who has their shit together.
Adam Carolla
That's a good point.
Hickson Gracie
This is not somebody who resources themself or is organized or balanced in any way. This is a last minute, kind of distracted by his anger, resentful about his station in life. That's the E seat. I'm in the F seat.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. It says a life not well led, maybe a little out of control. Right. I think you're right.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All right. That game I'm making up Castaway as I'm making that up board game.
Hickson Gracie
We have found a board game. The castaways from 1977 that might be. We have not found a commercial. We have found a Bermuda Triangle board game commercial where there's some lost islandy stuff happening.
Adam Carolla
I think it's called Castaways and maybe there is commercial somewhere. All right. Another thing to bring up to you, Fitz dog.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Unless there's something you got you want to get into.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. There's a couple things I wanted to talk about.
Adam Carolla
All right. Blame on me.
Hickson Gracie
Well, we got, I want to talk about. Can we talk about religion a little bit?
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
I was in Philly and I've got. Some of my new jokes are about religion and I got, I got, I got two walkouts, two different Shows I had a couple, couple people walk out, which I take as a point of pride. I love, I love a walkout. I love, I love the stick around. There's always the chick who's the comes alone. Yeah, they call her a chuckle fucker.
Adam Carolla
Oh, they do?
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, I love a chuckle fucker. Not that I'm gonna have sex with her, but it's not thought.
Adam Carolla
That's the thing with. I want a gay guy to hit on me once every 10 years. For the love of Christ. I'll say no and we'll both feel good about ourselves.
Hickson Gracie
Will you blush?
Adam Carolla
I'll do that thing where I pull my fan out and I go fresh and I smack him with the fan.
Hickson Gracie
So I'm doing this joke about the Virgin Mary and how she kind of had an angle. Like when it comes to Mary's, she was on brand, she was Virgin Mary. And everybody knows who she is, but the Bible never talks about after she had Jesus. Did she get to fuck after that? Like I would hope for Joseph's sake, you know, he's the biggest cuck in Bethlehem. You hope he gets some of that Mary pussy.
Adam Carolla
Right, right, right. That's good.
Hickson Gracie
And imagine how beautiful the Virgin Mary's vagina. I mean, it's just. It would be like a half a peach with just a razor cut down the middle with a rainbow streaming out of it. You know, you pull the panties down and harps are playing.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I was thinking the other day, harps used to always meant you were going into a dream.
Hickson Gracie
Oh, right.
Adam Carolla
You'd hear the harp and then kyos eyes and then the fantasy would begin or the dream. It was always in the sit. It was always harp. Harp music meant you were drifting away. So a person, two people got up and walked out.
Hickson Gracie
Yes.
Adam Carolla
And I agree with you. There's a thing of like certain things that sound bad, like, but are really feathers in your cap. Like I'd like to be removed from a casino for counting cards and winning a little too much.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, that's good.
Adam Carolla
Kill a man with my hands. Or like have a girlfriend commit suicide after I dumped her. You know, like things that sound bad but you see, like it might if.
Hickson Gracie
You had a girlfriend that fucking dark.
Adam Carolla
But if you had that, you would weave it into every third conversation. Like if I. I did have a girlfriend who killed herself because I broke up with her, that dude in the middle seat would know about it at some point during that flight. That's all I'm saying. I bring it up a lot.
Hickson Gracie
Or as people go, like, hey, we're going to Disneyland tomorrow. You want to join? You're, like, not allowed bard, Right? You don't explain why.
Adam Carolla
Right, yeah, Bard hands registered as weapons, stuff like that. So guys getting up and leaving. I, you know, I've experienced that you're.
Hickson Gracie
Not doing your job if nobody's ever doing your job. Yeah, that's. You need to find the line and step a little bit over it.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But it is weird now. That person enjoyed your set up until that they.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Dawson
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hickson Gracie
No, the set, the new set's going good and I, you know, and I'm coming out, I'm doing jokes that people don't agree with. And then I get DMs from people that say, you know, drop the religious stuff like Giusette. Otherwise. And I just write back, not really taking input. I go, feel free to not come back to the show. But I don't take notes on what I'm gonna talk about.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I've definitely.
Hickson Gracie
I mean, what is that with the Internet, what people tell you they're so entitled.
Adam Carolla
I am very. As previously stated, just the conversation you had with the guy in the middle seat was a bridge too far for me. Much less coming up to a comedian and explaining what they should do or shouldn't do as far as their act goes, especially as a civilian. I would not do it as a comedian. But if I was an audience member, especially when I was younger, I did not believe it was your idea. It wasn't your in your purview to talk to any adult or any profession. I wouldn't say anything to a cop. I wouldn't say anything to a comedian. I wouldn't say anything to anyone who was doing a job that I was either benefiting from or experiencing or in the audience of. I mean, the only time I went to a strip club when I was there was, I think maybe it was the Body Shop or something on Studio. Not on Studio City, on Sunset. And there was an actual stripper show that we wanted to go see. And it was like you could get in at 18 and a half and order soda, you know, but you couldn't buy a beer, you know, so me and my friends went down there and it was like Kitten Atividad from the Russ Myers films was up there doing her champagne dance, you know, totally different time. Big champagne thing, rub a dub dub or whatever. And the. I was so fucking desperate for work and so out of it that when the dj, the strip club dj, made some sort of joke about, well, we're going to need A new janitor around here after Kitten made that mess of the stage when the show was over, like, I walked up to him, I was like, Excuse me, Mr. DJ Person. I would be happy to fill that job as a janitor here. I would. I would work real hard. I'd be like. He was like, get the fuck outta here, kid. I was like, I thought you need. You requested a job for a janitor. I could be that janitor. And she's like, we don't need a janitor. Get the fuck outta here.
Hickson Gracie
And I was like, wait, is it that you wanted a job that bad or that you would do anything to work in a strip club?
Adam Carolla
It was like 1982 and a half. There were no jobs. The economy was fucking wrecked. Wrecked. And I was poor. And I was living in my dad's garage with no air conditioning and a. I needed any job. I was applying at liquor stores and supermarkets and walking onto construction sites, like, with the shovel. Like, where do I go? Like, I. So I was looking for a job, but would have Doug being the janitor at the strip club, because that'd be cool. I get to see all be leaning against my mop in the back of the room while all the acts would come in and do their dance.
Hickson Gracie
You know what? You're mopping up in the VIP room.
Adam Carolla
I wouldn't have cared. I would have done it with my mustache. If that guy would have went. If that DJ would have went, okay, son, but here's the provision. We're out of mops, and I need you to grow a full mustache and get all the jizz up with your mustache. I'd be like, okay, what time Monday? What time should it be here? I would. I would have. I wouldn't done the bathroom floor. I would have done a Jizz Zamboni.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
With my mustache. At that particular time.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Now probably not then for sure.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Jizz Zamboni.
Hickson Gracie
Jizz amboni. And you could smell it out. That's the thing, is what? Because it's dark.
Adam Carolla
I'm like a truffle pig. Yeah, you better hope I don't need to use the head on the American flight. After you, Fitz dog. I'll go in there, I'll sound the alarm. I may pull that rope for the break up top.
Hickson Gracie
I told you, the key to the cleanup in there is you layer the bowl with toilet paper. Because it's not water cleared, it's air that sucks it out. And your protein adheres itself to the base, so you need to layer it with toilet paper. I've said this a million times, but I feel like maybe one of those highway signs should.
Adam Carolla
That should be up on the highway.
Hickson Gracie
Sign line your airplane toilet with.
Adam Carolla
Now, do you go for the air Jack every time? Yeah, every time?
Hickson Gracie
Well, yeah.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Well, I guess because you only fly once every seven weeks or something.
Hickson Gracie
No, I fly every other weekend.
Adam Carolla
Oh, you're going out that much?
Hickson Gracie
Oh, yeah.
Adam Carolla
Well, you took the summer off, right?
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, I usually don't work in the summers very much.
Adam Carolla
And so where do you beat off? Do you mock up an airplane bathroom at your house?
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. Yes.
Adam Carolla
Or can you just do it in a regular.
Hickson Gracie
I have a closet that I put a little sink in.
Adam Carolla
Little stainless sink.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. And it's got a blower.
Adam Carolla
Slope the ceiling.
Hickson Gracie
Slope the ceiling. Put the forehead against the ceiling. That's what I do. It's my move. Get about a 45 degree angle going. And then maybe I go overhand. I go overhand. That keeps it low and in control. You can really aim it.
Adam Carolla
And what if right in the middle of the sesh, the seat belt placard starts going off? Or the chime, are they pulling focus?
Hickson Gracie
It's like fucking during an earthquake. Turbo.
Adam Carolla
That's like someone dropped a digit on you. Yeah. Okay. I feel you kidding me.
Hickson Gracie
That's where I head to the bath when I hear they announce there's going to be turbulence coming, heading south.
Adam Carolla
Any thoughts about who's heading into the bathroom next? For instance, if it's a woman. If it's a man, disabled. You know what I mean? Is there any thoughts about what would be next?
Hickson Gracie
Let's just say people really think I'm a gentleman back there because I let anybody who's waiting go ahead of me. I'm the headliner.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
I close the show.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You need an opener. Feature middles.
Hickson Gracie
Like, you hope that the feature is a hottie with some perfume that leaves a little perfume in there for you.
Adam Carolla
And then. Oh, yeah, like just a. I was here.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Just a dusting of them.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And you don't want a line forming. Right. That's too much.
Hickson Gracie
No. And I don't. And one doesn't form. I've got it down, I've got my thoughts. It's like a quarterback taking a snap. First snap of the game, you've got your options laid out.
Adam Carolla
First five plays are laid out.
Hickson Gracie
Yes.
Adam Carolla
And you know, if you go at the 55 minute mark, nobody else has gotten up at that point.
Hickson Gracie
55 minutes.
Adam Carolla
No, I don't mean in the bathroom. I mean, you Got up an hour into the flight, which is. Most people make it three hours into the flight.
Hickson Gracie
It's like getting in there before the seventh inning stretch, right around sixth inning. You know, people are waiting for the seventh inning stretch.
Adam Carolla
Now, would bringing a laptop computer into the bathroom be what we'd call a tell?
Hickson Gracie
It's a tell and it's a cheat. I like to, you know, I like to bare back it. I like to think that at 58, I can still freestyle.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
Unassisted.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. No. Wonderful.
Hickson Gracie
When's the last time you went unassisted?
Adam Carolla
I have so much in the spank bank, as they say now, that it's really unnecessary to go for visual assistance.
Hickson Gracie
Get out of here.
Adam Carolla
Well, I'm saying unnecessary.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Doesn't mean I don't go for the visual, but it's unnecessary. I'm saying at this. At this point, because you need it for the bathroom. There's going to be events. You're flying. The flight's over an hour and 20 minutes. You have to beat off. So what are you going to do?
Hickson Gracie
And you go back. That's the thing I realize is I go back to some old memories. But then I think to myself, sometimes some of my most intense, productive images are girls in high school wearing my, you know, that I went to high school with, wearing like a cheerleader uniform. And then I think, wait a minute, I'm 58, she's 17, she's underage. But then I think, no, I'm grandfathered in because I was 17 when she was 17.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I feel the same way about the vintage porn stars who are no longer with us. I feel like. Like I'm grandfathered in because I used to smack it to him back in the day. And not only that, kind of the ultimate tip of the cap, you know, in terms of legacy.
Hickson Gracie
Sure.
Adam Carolla
I mean, that is the ultimate legacy. I mean, yeah, you could name a library after your grandpa or something. That's fine. But masturbating to a person's imagery from, like, 1987.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, that's.
Adam Carolla
That is a fitting tribute.
Hickson Gracie
Can you imagine how she would feel, you know, being on her deathbed and you walking down the hallway of the hospital and you glance in and you just see something in her eyes, and you're like, Holly Golightly. And you walk in. That's not a porn name, but, like, say, an old.
Adam Carolla
There's one named Holly Body.
Hickson Gracie
Oh, maybe that. So you see Holly Body. You can tell from her eyes it's her. And you walk in and she's. She's holding on to her grandson's hand. She's got a teddy bear clutched against her chest and he's going down the other side. And you whisper in her ear, I just whacked it to you about three hours ago. And see the real smile pop up.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
Not the I'm gonna miss you, grandma. You meant everything to me.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Hickson Gracie
But the young, virile guy who had a choice, right? Unlimited porn. And he went vintage.
Dawson
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Is that Holly Body?
Hickson Gracie
Wow.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, she was.
Hickson Gracie
She's like a Valerie Bertinelli type.
Adam Carolla
She dated one of the guys. I think she dated one of the guys from the Crystal Method. Remember that band? That's a poor name too. The Crystal Method band out of Vegas. Nice guys used to interview them for some reason. I think one of them dated Holly Body, which was her. Which was her name. Now, I don't know. She's probably still with us, but if she isn't, you know, a one gun salute tonight would be fitted dating.
Hickson Gracie
Let's all do it.
Adam Carolla
Let's all do it. Let's commit to that. Did she date one of the guys from the Vegas based Crystal Method? Ban. Who I used to interview on Loveline way back then and has probably been on this program before.
Hickson Gracie
I met a guy once.
Adam Carolla
And what about the guys who date porn stars?
Hickson Gracie
What about him?
Adam Carolla
I don't trust him.
Hickson Gracie
No.
Adam Carolla
And I don't think I could be one of them. And I don't like their motivation and it never really works out because they weren't there like at the beginning. They're like, ah, I don't mind. I don't know. But at some point, something, right?
Hickson Gracie
Yeah. Like I remember. Well, I think maybe the exception was Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson. Like they actually seem to have like a very working relationship for a long time. They got married.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But it didn't end up good.
Hickson Gracie
Well, who does?
Adam Carolla
It's a good point. But this ended up very bad, I think with Gemma. Yes.
Hickson Gracie
Oh, I didn't know that.
Dawson
Yes.
Adam Carolla
A lot of custody and drugs and intervention and stuff.
Hickson Gracie
Okay. All right. So there was my one good example. But I, you know, I used to interview a lot of porn stars. You know, who I loved was Belladonna was just the best, coolest chick of all time. And she was, you know, she did some crazy shit. She did a lot of pregnancy porn, like third term pregnancy porn. A lot of foot fetish.
Adam Carolla
Third term.
Hickson Gracie
Third term.
Adam Carolla
Ken Jordan from the Crystal Method dated Holly Body. So that's what I know. But ask me, my son's middle name hold on, give me a minute. Give me a minute. I gotta talk to his mother.
Hickson Gracie
Anyway, so, anyway, so she would come into the show and she had a boyfriend slash manager. All the porn stars boyfriends were slash managers. There was a lot of that. And that never worked out.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that, that can never work out.
Hickson Gracie
There was another one. I hosted the porn awards one year.
Adam Carolla
Oh, that's right, you're an avn.
Hickson Gracie
I'm an AVN er. And I hosted it with. I won't say her name, but she's one of the biggest porn stars out there, Tara Patrick. And so she had a boyfriend who had been. And actually, I don't know if it's. I hosted it twice, once with. No, it was somebody else. And there was an after party in her hotel suite. And so I went there and you know, I'm sober and they're all getting shit faced and there's an Altoid tin filled with ecstasy. And so her boyfriend had played basketball for like USC or UCLA. He was like 6 foot 5, built, and he was her boyfriend slash manager. And he's like, you want to drink? I was like, no, that's all right, I don't drink. He goes, well, it takes some ecstasy. And I was like, I was like, I don't really do that. And he goes, come on, man, do it. It was really weird. I was like in eighth grade and I was like, no, I really don't want to. And he took one out and he pinned me on the ground and he pried my mouth open and he stopped, sucked the ecstasy in my mouth.
Adam Carolla
Really?
Hickson Gracie
And as I'm laying there, I'm looking at this big dude and I'm looking at all these porn stars, like splayed out, you know, with the ecstasy eyes and their tits are hanging out. And I'm thinking, this would be a lot of guys fantasy right now. Yeah, you know it would. To have ecstasy forced in their mouth. And then. So then I spit it out and then I get out of there.
Adam Carolla
I would have spit it out, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't have wanted to waste the ecstasy. I probably would have went and washed it off in the sink and then patted it dry on my T shirt and then set it back in there. Because I'm so against waste. But I'm with you.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Wow. And that was the first AVN or the second avn?
Hickson Gracie
That was the first, because I remember the first one. My wife was not there and there was a lot of running around. There was. All my friends came out, all my Agents came out.
Adam Carolla
Really?
Hickson Gracie
I ended up renting a house because I had, like, 17 people that were. Meanwhile, I do a gig at the Hollywood Improv and I invite everybody. Nobody shows up. And Now I got 17 people. They all come out. I rent a house and they come and the. You know, you go to a wedding and, like, the centerpiece is flowers. And at the end of the night, somebody gets to take home the flowers.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Hickson Gracie
The centerpieces at the AVNs were dildos and Fleshlights. And so all my friends are there, and everybody grabs a Fleshlight. And then we take a limo out and we're going to strip clubs, and we've all got the Fleshlight. And we're, you know, showing the strippers, and we're pretending it's a puppet and playing games and it's all fun.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
And then we all go back to our hotel. I go to the after party. I don't take the. The Altoids. I go to my room. And then the next day, we're all meeting in the lobby to head home, and there's a bunch of us, and I go, did you fuck it? And everybody's like, yeah, I fucked it. Did you fuck it?
Adam Carolla
Everyone tried the Fleshlight.
Hickson Gracie
Well, it's like the gun under the couch in drama. If you give a man the Fleshlight, he's gotta fuck the Fleshlight.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I feel that way about Police with Tasers. You know what I mean? You gave me. When I was at the man show, Cousin Sal brought a taser in. By the end, by lunch, everyone in that building been Tased. That's just how it works. You couldn't keep it on your hip without brandishing it, right? You keep the Fleshlight. Shall be filled.
Hickson Gracie
It was filled.
Adam Carolla
Did you try the Fleshlight?
Hickson Gracie
I tried the Fleshlight. I enjoyed it. It was a little. It felt corporate. It felt a little bit like. I don't know if I like this future that were obviously headed towards. And then the worst part was then I'm like, all right, now what do I do? It's dirty. I'm not putting it in my luggage and getting, like, you know, flagged at the.
Adam Carolla
At the tsa.
Hickson Gracie
Tsa. And I don't want to throw it in the trash. Cause that's kind of weird for the maid to have to find a flashlight.
Adam Carolla
I agree.
Hickson Gracie
So what I did was I slipped it into the pocket of the bathrobe in the closet.
Adam Carolla
That is much better.
Hickson Gracie
There's a time bomb prank on some guy. Because any guy that puts on the bathroom in a hotel Room is kind of a douche. He's kind of pretentious.
Adam Carolla
I was wearing one 24 hours ago.
Hickson Gracie
No, you weren't.
Adam Carolla
I was. I like a bathrobe. I. You know, I'm not gonna defend myself. I'm gonna say that I stayed at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. I was doing a corporate gig there. They gave me a room for a night. I do love doing anything at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel because I used to clean the carpets of the Grand Trinon, which was the main ballroom there. And I've done charity events and gigs and stuff in the ballroom.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And all I do, they go, adam, Carolla, everybody. And I just stand at the end of the stage, I just stare at the carpet. And I'm back in 1984 and Art Fuss is yelling, time to lean, time to clean. You know, And I'm just pushing chairs around and mopping. You had to work from 10 till 4 in the morning because you couldn't do it during working hours. So I always. I love the MacArthur returning to the Philippines pilgrimage back to the Grand Trinon at the Beverly Hills Hotel. But I must say, I will, in my defense, not go looking for the robe. But in this particular case, they were hanging, like, off the shower just there. And I stepped out of the shower, I was like, I'm putting this robe on and I put it on. I reach into the pocket, and there was a fucking Fleshlight in there. So I'm not saying it was yours, but you started a movement.
Hickson Gracie
I did.
Adam Carolla
And.
Hickson Gracie
And of course, if you find a flashlight, you're gonna select the Fleshlight.
Adam Carolla
You gotta use it.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've been closer than I thought.
Adam Carolla
Are they C cell rechargeable? AA crank, Solar powered? Non. What powers them?
Hickson Gracie
I wanna see if I can get one that's powered by the blower of an airplane bathroom.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, yeah. That would be awesome.
Hickson Gracie
That would be a true blowjob.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Hickson Gracie
No, this thing was loaded and ready to go. I didn't check on the mechanics of it. I just.
Adam Carolla
Must be Emmy. And a Fleshlight must be a couple of double A's, right?
Hickson Gracie
Double A's.
Adam Carolla
Well, not what you're looking for in a porn star, but it can't be decel. Like, that's. That's a baton.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
That's way too much weight at the end. If your hand slipped, it'll pull your cock off.
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
I wonder if there's Flesh Light related injuries coming into the emergency room. Oh, there's gotta be, right?
Hickson Gracie
Yeah, yeah, there's Gotta be. I mean, I know that I got my mom a foot massager for Christmas and it clamped down on her foot.
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
Hickson Gracie
So I can imagine with the fleshlight.
Adam Carolla
Now they plug in.
Hickson Gracie
Really?
Adam Carolla
So you gotta get an extension cord if you want to use it in the bathroom or your next commercial flight. Fitz dog rolling out on this big orange cord. Excuse me. Excuse me. Is your phone fully charged, son? Yeah. Okay, I need that Jack. Speaking of Jack. Long story. All right, let me give Fitzdog his plugs here. The standup special. Very funny. You know me. Available on YouTube. Worth your while. I watch it in its entirety. Shows coming up, Tacoma Tempe at the punchline in San Francisco. Greg Fitzsimmons.com is where you go. Right. And we have live dates there.
Hickson Gracie
Yep.
Adam Carolla
We'll bid adieu to Fitz dog and do the news right after this. Hey, I'm Adam Kroll. That's Brad Williams and Jay Leno. Hey, everybody over there. We're doing our third annual comedy fantasy camp. That's gonna be January 23rd through the 26th, right? In Hollywood, California. Where else would it be? These guys are gonna be there. Remember, two out of every three comics make it big or one and a half. Do I get paid for this? Please tell me. Get paid for this. Go to comedyfantasycamp.com and get in on. Well, it's the best time of the year to get some home security going. And that's where Simplisafe comes in. They're giving my listeners early access to the Black Friday sale. That's right. You get in early. Ground floor. Simplisafe's new active guard outdoor protection changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. Right. You don't want to get a busted window, someone in the house, then you find out. Now, this nips it in the bud if someone's lurking around and acting suspicious. Agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off a spotlight, even call the police. No long term contracts. And by the way, I think they use AI to recognize the friendly neighbor or the person that's walking their dog. No long term lock in contracts, cancellation fees. It's around a buck a day. That's not much to spend for security this week. Well, you can take 60% off any new system with the select professional monitoring plan. It's their best offer of the year. And it's all for you. It's Simplisafe. Right?
Jason Mayhem Miller
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Adam Carolla
Sometimes I struggle to stay focused. Feel like my mood may be down a little bit, but not anymore. Feel free. Classic tonic. This stuff is great. I was walking through the offices here about three hours ago and I just walked into an office and I saw a box of it and I took it and I tried some. Feel free. Take about half a bottle, shake it up real good and you'll feel the focus, you'll feel the energy boost. So if you're tired, you run down or you're just feeling like you could use a little pep in your step. Feel free. And I don't, I don't take as much caffeine anymore. I usually will have a cup of coffee before the show just to get a little, you know, get my eyes opened a little bit. But now I use this product. You can take it two or three times a week when you know you need some energy or feeling a little bit down really helps. And like I said, I don't know what else to tell you, but I took the product home, used it, ran out of it and just went and got my next box of it and taken that home. So it is feel free. Classic, right, Dawson?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Make the switch to all natural energy and get an extra little mood lift with this plant based tonic. Go to botanictonics.com and use the. Go to Adam and check out for $40 off a 12 pack case. Again, that's botanictonics.com code Adam.
Dawson
Right now, the American Red Cross is helping and supporting people across the Southeast. Living with the heartbreaking destruction from hurricanes Milton and Helene. And with their partners, American Red Cross will be helping for weeks and months to come. Families affected by hurricanes Milton and Helene need your support. Your donation can help the Red Cross provide meals, shelter and hope to people when they need it most. Please donate today. Go to redcross.org or call 1-800-red-cross to donate. Every dollar you can spare helps more than you can imagine. Your support is critical. We cannot do it without you. Donate today@redcross.org.
Hickson Gracie
They will tell you all kinds of stuff they're going to tell you. You got to cut down. You must cut down your debt. Why? This is America. We never pay that shit off. Why pay it down if you're not paying it off? That hurts. Debt is just a number that comes on a piece of paper once a month. And you go look at that, honey, that number is different than it was last month. Let's go out to eat. It doesn't matter. It's just a number. It's not like if it gets down to zero. If you pay it down to zero, it's not like clowns drop from the sky and suck your dick. It's just a number goes up, it goes down. Doesn't matter. Debt means that you had more fun than you were supposed to.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Greg Fitzsimmons is on the Adam Carolla Show.
Adam Carolla
He was. And now we got mayhem. And some news.
Dawson
Got some news. First up, FEMA official who allegedly told workers to avoid Florida homes with Trump signs fired. Here's the lady right here.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Let me say I heard this story. Right now, the plan was not to help out the people with the Trump signs in front of their house after the hurricane blew through. This is in Florida, I think, right now. Look, everyone thinks I'm a douche, and everyone thinks I'm wrong. And everyone thinks I'm talking out my ass. I am not. I heard this story. Now, when I hear fema, and I don't know if she was like a regional director or whatever, she didn't run fema, but she was in charge of something at fema. When I first heard this story, I thought, oh, this is a woman. Now, you don't think FEMA and woman. But you do think, don't help people. I can't stand. That's a female trait. Women got a lot of trouble keeping their emotions out of this shit. You know what I'm saying? Guys, guys. You spend your whole life, whether you're a referee or you're calling balls and strikes or an umpire or whatever your job is, an attorney who has to defend some guy who's probably murdered his wife. But you gotta put all those feelings aside and you gotta do your job. Chicks have trouble putting their feelings aside for stuff. I'm telling you. I've got yelled at at tsa, going through there by a million chicks. I wasn't even doing anything. They were just having shitty day. And I reminded them of their stepdad who they didn't like. Now, the first thing I said is, this is a chick. I just heard the story. You guys can do all the revisionist history you want. I just heard the story and went, this is a woman who. Normally, you don't think of it in a position of. It's like if you said airplane pilot, you wouldn't think it's a woman. But if I heard her do something that acted like a woman, I would think that Pilot was a woman. So I said, said woman. And then I paused and I said black woman. And the reason I said that is because I've been yelling at everyone for the last decade or more. If you take people and you convince them that this guy is Hitler, he's racist, he wants to put you back in chains, he wants to put you back on the plantation, and he doesn't like you or even tolerate you.
Dawson
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
If you convinced people that, then you took those people and you put them in some position of power, then why wouldn't this be the most likely outcome? What would you do? And by the way, it's almost kind of incumbent upon you.
Dawson
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
If you were.
Dawson
They'd be a bad person if they didn't react that way.
Adam Carolla
Well, we all know the, you know, kill Hitler as a youth sort of scenario. Yeah, yeah.
Dawson
Abort him if you could.
Adam Carolla
Abort Hitler if you could. And then anyone who was trying. There were a couple of assassination attempts on Hitler. We were rooting for the people who were planting the bomb in Valkyrie underneath the table. So, yeah, it makes sense. So you take a black woman, you convince her that this guy named Trump hates her and doesn't want her here. And this is before the election, and the people that are voting for him live in these houses. Well, then why wouldn't you do this? And how's this not gonna happen? And now we're living in it. So good fucking luck, everybody.
Dawson
Supervisor. Supervisor.
Adam Carolla
Okay. This thing is like, we need more women in positions. No, we do not. We absolutely don't. I live in.
Dawson
That's something I don't understand about America. That we don't, you know, we don't have the. You try to make everyone, men and women, the same, so then, you know, you're discounting the fact that we're very different.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dawson
That is a good thing.
Adam Carolla
It is, yes.
Dawson
That way you divide it up so that the dudes do dude things, and that's not a bad thing. And chicks do chick things, and that's not. And you raise them up for being good at doing certain things.
Adam Carolla
Well, it's weird because it's like we. You understand? Like every one of those heist movies, they go, this guy's a great wheel man, and this guy's a knife thrower, and this guy's a demolition guy, and then this guy's a computer whiz. Together, that's how we're breaking into Fort Knox. Okay, you understand the benefit, but you don't have four guys who throw knives. That's what we're trying to do with men and women, just turn them all into one fucking thing with a vag and a penis and one giant fleshlight, and here we are. No, it's good that you can protect. You know, you're bigger, you're stronger. There's trouble you can protect. I can fix things. It's nice. They're better at other things. It's a good thing.
Dawson
You know what it is, though? We don't define what women are good. There's no stereotypical, oh, women are better at this.
Adam Carolla
Well, we don't allow because if we.
Dawson
Say, oh, they're better at cooking, better at taking care of the kids, now we're sexy.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dawson
Even saying something good.
Adam Carolla
I know. Can't say a black guy is a big dick. Otherwise you're sexist. No, I mean, you're racist. But what I'm saying is we're different. There is a difference. It's in all of nature and it's a good thing. But if you're gonna take women and then you're gonna take women of color and you're gonna put them in positions where they get to make decisions and you're gonna try to convince them that they're in a society that doesn't want them here and would like them removed, you're not going to always get a good outcome.
Dawson
Very vindictive.
Adam Carolla
So this is what we got. Next up on the news that I knew it in advance.
Dawson
Next up on the news is Mattel mistakenly prints a porn site in Wicked doll boxes. This is unacceptable, says Mattel. Yeah. The toy company behind Barbie and Hot Wheels is facing backlash for accidentally listing URL of a porn website in the packaging of its Wicked doll boxes.
Adam Carolla
Is this movie gonna be good? Does anyone know? I think I've seen the play. I saw the play.
Dawson
Never got a chance. I don't know.
Adam Carolla
You MMA guys didn't flock to the theater to see the musical. I did Spider Man.
Dawson
Turn off the Dark.
Adam Carolla
Well, that makes Broadway. That's the one where everyone was getting hurt.
Dawson
Yeah. I was rooting for someone to break severely injured and I could see why. It was a top quality production.
Adam Carolla
A lot of cables and people flying around.
Dawson
Yep. Spinning, like right over your head.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. So Wicked, the musical was kind of fun. I like musicals. I've seen quite a few. I'm not they. The movie doesn't always turn out that well. They made the wizard of Oz and then they made the all black version of that called the Wiz, which I saw in the theater with my grandfather.
Dawson
Michael Jackson in it.
Adam Carolla
It had Nipsey Russell and Michael Jackson, Diana Ross and I don't know who Rerun. I don't know who else, but. But I don't know if this is gonna. Once it coming out, is it gonna be good?
Dawson
I don't know. I'm not sure. I just know that they put the porn site on there. And I'll be honest, I researched for sign and went to the website. Ah, pretty tame.
Adam Carolla
Pretty, pretty tame.
Dawson
Yeah, yeah. Pretty G rated. You gotta click through and put your email to get anything really.
Adam Carolla
So no harm, but you know, I.
Dawson
Guess Stormy Daniels is signed to this company. So Wicked. You can see some presidential pun.
Adam Carolla
Wicked's out of. I mean, everything's in the San Fernando Valley.
Dawson
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
The era Wicked. I used to know somebody who worked, I think her name, this is her real name. She wasn't a porn star, but she was like an executive for Wicked. Her name was Joy King.
Dawson
All right. I thought that is a great, great porn name.
Adam Carolla
Porn name, but it's also a great executive name for a porn place. Yeah, it's coming out 22 November is when it's going to be released.
Dawson
So they said, I mean, are you in the conspiracy camp or this is just some way to drum up attention? Because that sounds a little too good that somebody forgot to put wicked movie.com instead of wicked.
Adam Carolla
I don't know why everything isn't dry run. Like, like before I would write, like if I was writing a guy's name as Brian Johnson, I wouldn't, I would check to see if he did it with a Y or an I before I sent it. Just because I don't know, you know, so I don't know why they don't do a dry run. Where are you at with this Tyson fight?
Dawson
Who we. I mean, look, I'm with the majority of Americans that want to see Mike Tyson knock the English stuffing off this guy. Right?
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dawson
You know, you want to see that kind of. But my fighter sensibility lets me know that age is undefeated.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dawson
You know, and as tough as Tyson looks hitting the pads, if you remember, Tyson did punch a guy on an airplane a while back and a guy looked about 150 pounds and he did not knock him out.
Adam Carolla
He also had his Roy Jones thing. Right, Exactly.
Dawson
Which.
Adam Carolla
Hard to tell with that of how much cooking. Yeah, it's hard to tell. I'm gonna. It's free on Netflix, right?
Dawson
Yes, yes. Well, I mean, you gotta pay your Netflix subscription, but yeah, it's coming up.
Adam Carolla
It's like this Friday, I'm going to Jimmy's house for his birthday and he said he's having it on, so it'll be good, I guess. I mean, I look forward to it.
Dawson
But I think the fans win in a way because, look, Mike Tyson is that threatening. Like, man, he is still Mike Tyson. And he showed us on social media. He's still got that bump in him. Yeah, I mean, he's got, he's on the right medications and the right. He's like, he's Mike Tyson still. But age, you know, if, if Jake Paul gets sloppy and reaches out too much. Because Jake Paul is not that fast. He's a powerful athlete, but he's not very fast. Like, he punches pretty hard, but they're not one of those, like, snappy like young Tyson was. And Mike Tyson still has a few Rochambeaus. So let's see what happens in that first couple rounds because who the hell knows after that?
Adam Carolla
I agree. It's so funny. I saw Tyson. I think I interviewed Tyson when he had a doc. Tyson, the doc came out. I mean, I'm going to say it was 12 years ago, maybe, maybe more. 13. What year? I mean, did the Tyson document come out? It won some awards and stuff. It was like, well received. He was doing his one man show and everything.
Dawson
Oh, that one.
Adam Carolla
I believe it was 2013. 2013 sounds about right. I went and saw it and then. And then I interviewed him afterward and he wasn't moving good. Like, he looked, he seemed old now. He was depressed and I think he was smoking a lot of weed or doing God knows what, but he was not. Like, I was like, oh, this is a shell of this guy. Now that was, that was 12 years ago. Now he's adjusted his medication or got back on the training horse. Like, whatever he did, he came out of that well.
Dawson
I just know as an athlete, you know, I coach kids every morning and I, I know the ebb and flow of myself as an athlete that there are times where I feel old. Like I'm like, oh, my God. And I'll go through a little era of like moving kind of janky, and I'll come up out of it. I'll get to training real good, lose some, shed some extra weight and just be on time, like take the right supplements. And then I'm just on fire for a good stretch. And then again, it doesn't last like it did when I was a kid where I'm just nonstop, you know, like that.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Dawson
But. And I hit and I fall off the cliff a Little bit and get injured and have even. Tyson said it in an interview recently where he said that, you know, he was having a podcast interview with the guy and the guy said, oh, you hit the pads, you looked awesome. And he's like, huh, man, I was in a bed for two weeks. And then after that. And the guy was laughing. What are you laughing at? He was dead serious. And I get that. I get that because I can still sometimes train like Young Mayhem, but then I have to pay like old Mayhem.
Adam Carolla
Where is the fight?
Dawson
It's in Dallas, Texas, I think at the old, the Cowboy Stadium.
Adam Carolla
Oh, Texas Stadium, the new one. Arlington.
Dawson
Right, yeah.
Adam Carolla
Are they, you know, it's going to be a ticketed event. It's going to be an undercard. I'm going to fight Bonaduce on the undercard.
Dawson
Hell, yeah.
Adam Carolla
I was supposed to.
Dawson
I was waiting for that one, man.
Adam Carolla
I mean, they're going to, they're going to put 60,000 people in that, in.
Dawson
That place, you know, it's possible. Look, you know, I gotta give my hats off to Paul. He's like really take thought he's taken off with the promotion. Like he's really figured out a way to monetize his fame in a strange way by fighting older fighters and bringing them himself along as a boxer. It's really interesting.
Adam Carolla
I'll be at Kimmel's watching with everybody. All right, what else?
Dawson
Next up in the news, journalist Martha Stewart said was dead now, thank goodness, hits back, I'm alive. Yeah, Martha Stewart, which I watched the documentary at your behest and yeah, it gave me a whole new perspective on Martha Stewart. I totally get it. But this journalist thought she was dead and she said she's very much alive.
Adam Carolla
All right, many thoughts. One is like, people go into prison for shit I would definitely do. Is always insane to me. Do you know a person who if they got a call now, they didn't blow a call in, they got a call and somebody just said, hey, you know that company you got 45 grand invested in? I just found out that the FDA is not going to okay their product, their weight loss product. And it's going to happen next week. Week. Who amongst us would not go, oh, well, thank you, let's sell that stock? Who do you know who wouldn't do that? I feel that's all Congress does is that that's all Nancy Pelosi does.
Dawson
Am I wrong or am I right that Congress is allowed to inside trade or to me, it's a weird thing where you can't trade on inside knowledge.
Unknown Speaker
But.
Dawson
But what the hell? Then what do you trade on?
Unknown Speaker
I don't get it.
Adam Carolla
Well, here's what I'm gonna say. What they try to do is Congress is aware of this stuff in advance. So really what it should be is you can't be involved with the stock market. But the thing is, you can be involved with the stock market, you just can't use this information. But who amongst us would not use this information? I would also look at it like I'm not exactly hurting anybody. I got this info, so I would sell it.
Dawson
It's because you benefit more than the average citizen.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Whatever it is. It's also, it's a sense of propriety. What they do is they take down high profile people like this so they can say, you see, the system works. And by the way, do not worry about what Congress is doing when they're doing the same thing Martha Stewart is doing. But the notion that we had to get her off the street street is insane. But also the fact that she explained that she was glad this bitch was dead, which I'm totally for. Tom Shales wrote the worst review of me as not only an artist, but as a human being. I mean, Tom Shales, he wrote a review about me. He was a syndicated, very well known, award winning scrutineer of people's work. And when he died, you know, I thought to myself, okay, well there you go.
Dawson
A movie critic. Or I don't get it.
Adam Carolla
He was a culture. Tom Shales was an award winning movie, TV and whatever critic who reviewed the man show and, and didn't like it. And then somewhere in the middle of the man show review veered off into an Adam Carolla review where he started also hating on Loveline and then kept going to the point where I was too ugly to be on TV and a piece of junk. And so he started reviewing the man show, left Jimmy and the man show behind, moved on to Love Lies, then moved on to just me personally and just kept going, obsessed. I was amused by it.
Dawson
Yeah, I take that as a compliment.
Adam Carolla
But as anybody who's been on the wrong end of a vitriolic review, when the person meets their demise, there's a little party that goes all right, well, there you go. Dance miniature the little ray gun mano and a ray gun maneuver.
Dawson
Yeah, yeah, well, she's alive. So, you know, we.
Adam Carolla
Right. He said she was dead and she was glad, which made me like her. Yeah, I mean, Martha.
Dawson
Yeah, yeah, no Martha, you know, I like her and respect her. Like the thing that you always talk about how if someone's openly an asshole is great, you know, there's no love lost there.
Adam Carolla
She owns it. Mm.
Dawson
Next up, New York City's ending the voucher program that allowed migrant families to buy their own food. Food, yes, NYC ending a debit card program for migrants. Yeah, it's. It's over. They're no longer issue the vouchers for migrants to pay for food. And a controversial program that had repeatedly come under attack by conservatives and others. The thing about this was that a lot of the city funded hotels, they would give them food boxes that they wouldn't eat. So it was a very wasteful thing. And somehow this car thing saved the city money because instead of just giving them junk that they won't eat, they would pay for their own beans and rice.
Adam Carolla
You know, nothing works and nothing free works, and it always turns to shit. And I think we're just learning that now there's just nothing you can hand people that ever really works. It works some of the time, for a period of time. But, I mean, I talk to people that are homeless. They get their EBT card, then they take the card and they sell it to the gangs, and then the gangs use it to buy Jack in the Box. It's like there's always a grift.
Dawson
Yeah, humans do that.
Adam Carolla
They grift, like, almost immediately now. Now they grift at the high end, the Martha Stewart end. They grift at the homeless end. They grift at the migrant encampment end. Like all human beings do is take advantage of systems and loopholes. That's all they do. And that's why it never works. It's good in theory. It just never really. You can't apply it.
Dawson
It shouldn't be. Like, factor that into anything that we do is like, ah, yeah, somebody's probably gonna grip this.
Adam Carolla
What we do is we have an endless cycle of what are we gonna do? Well, the prisons have too many black men in it. And we go, all right, well, stop arresting black men. I go, all right, let's get a D.A. he'll do that. Okay, Gascon, get in here and do that. And then he does it. And then it's a shit show. And then a few years goes by, and then we go, I think we should get back to arresting black women. And then we get back to it and we try something. It doesn't work. It's like, that's all. It's an endless cycle of shit that doesn't work. We just had a thing in Los Angeles and in California. It was a newsome thing. All right, we are saying to productions, hey, stop fleeing and going to New Mexico, Prague, Canada, Atlanta. Stop leaving. We are no longer wanting to gouge you. We are going to give you incentives to stay here and do your production. So what happens is, is we go, what if we tax the shit out of this production company so we'll get more money? And they go, all right, that's a good idea. But then the production company goes, fuck that, we're going to New Mexico. Or they don't do that to us. And then they do it. And then we have to reverse what we did. We do it with crime, we do with the voucher stuff. We'll do it with tax and production. We'll do everything.
Dawson
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All right. A legend. Hicks and Gracie of the Gracie family, you know.
Dawson
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
You're a fan.
Dawson
I am.
Adam Carolla
We'll take a quick break. He's got a book, he's zooming in. And we'll do that right after this. Chime. We all have that moment when we. Well, the idea hits us. We need to get our finances in order. I think about that a lot and I'm personally working on it myself. Take control of your finances with a Chime checking account. No maintenance fees, fee. Free overdraft up to 200 bucks. Get paid up to 2 days early with direct deposit. Learn more at chime.com Adam Chime has spotted members. 30 billion plus friends can give friends a boost that way.
Unknown Speaker
Mm.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
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Jason Mayhem Miller
It's time to check Adam's voicemail.
Hickson Gracie
Ace man Eddie from California. Now that we won't have to listen to a word salad inauguration speech by Kamala, I'm just wondering, are you questioning your atheism just a little bit today? Just a little.
Adam Carolla
Get it on.
Jason Mayhem Miller
You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.
Adam Carolla
Yes, I'm now agnostic. Hickson Gracie of the Gracie fighting legends is joining us. The book Comfort and Darkness, the invisible power of Jiu Jitsu. So many bites. 9th degree black belt. So I'm reading here. Good to see you, Hickson.
Unknown Speaker
Great to see you, Adam.
Adam Carolla
I'm looking down and seeing here that you had 465 fights and were undefeated. Is that a correct? Is that a typo or is that correct?
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, that's correct. That's mixing all my events, including mixed martial arts, jiu jitsu, sambo, some freestyle wrestling in Brazil, and also some jiu jitsu competitions.
Adam Carolla
400 and 465 and 0. Kind of a. I mean, it. Eclipse it. But you think of guys like Benny the Jet or Kites. Yeah, yeah, Guys like that who had these, like, crazy, crazy records. I mean, kickboxing, different, different sport, but some used in mixed martial arts as well. How did the whole Gracie thing begin?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, our family was introduced to Jiu Jitsu by a fellow coming from Japan. He's a champion in Jiu jitsu coming from Japan to Brazil to be the management for the immigration process. His name is Kondikomaeda Coma, and he become friends of my grandfather. And then he invite my grandfather's sons to enjoy the class. So that's where the family get introduced to Jiu Jitsu. And since then, we just following passion, following love about the Jiu jitsu art, and we all follow up the tradition.
Adam Carolla
Is there pressure? Is there, like, one Gracie who just wants to write poetry and doesn't want to do it? And could he pull? I mean, were you like, is it in your blood or is it like a thing like your dad? You're a Gracie, you're doing this, son.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah. When we born a Gracie, we get the kimono before the diapers, right? So. And we grow in an environment where people say, oh, you're gonna be a champion like your dad? Oh, you fight it. So you become accustomed to use the gi, to spar, to confront, to play. And of course, some are more capable than others. So the ones who are having more More potential on the mat. They are kind of more pushing to competition. The other ones are more mellow or not as coordinated. They not feel like frustrated, but they not just on top of the food, on top of the chain, you know, so they are a little put aside. But the ones who has the potential to become fighters, we are treated like champions from very early age and. And take care of our needs in terms of psychological needs, emotional, physical. So we're trying to be champions in a very early age.
Adam Carolla
I could remember seeing the very early iterations of UFC before they had rules or even knew what to do back then with the weight class. They didn't have weight classes at the beginning, did they?
Dawson
They.
Adam Carolla
And. And guys fighting in geese. Gracie's fighting in geese. And it was. I saw a guy grab a guy, a guy at a ponytail. The guy just grabbed on it like a handle, just never let go, which I love because I hate a guy with a ponytail. And he kept, like, mashing his knee into the guy's forehead. Just. He wouldn't let go of the guy's head. It was like, it's a handle.
Dawson
Yes.
Adam Carolla
It's so crazy. I mean, it's crazy to do it now, but it had to be real Wild west best back in the day.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah. The time I went, when I start thinking, planning to represent the family, I was visualizing the fight without no rules, no weight division, no time limits, can be on the mat, can be on the asphalt, on the concrete. So was very wild at the time. The possibilities are kind of endless. So the preparation for something like that has to be more than just physical or technical. Technical has also to be emotional, spiritual, to make you complete, ready for the task.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Who do you. Mayhem Miller's here, by the way. He's a huge fan, obviously. MMA fighter and influence, like, I think. I don't know every guitar player would be influenced by Jimi Hendrix.
Unknown Speaker
Yes, sir.
Adam Carolla
Every jiu jitsu.
Dawson
Well, there's, like, a huge moment for me because I'm here with, like, my legendary broadcaster. Like, I always looked up to you on the radio the whole time. Yeah. And then Hicks and Gracie right across from me, where I'm just. My mind is blown right now, and I'm over here bubbling. So excuse me for fanboying out a little bit with you guys, but I wanted to ask in those early, early days, because I always say my era, you know, I watched you growing up, and, like, you know, kind of learned from you and this breath control. And I remember the movie Choke. It came out. It was very instrumental. For us martial artists in America. But how about, you know, those early days where the styles weren't very mixed. And I know there was a big competition between the lucha livre, I guess, or luta livre in the Gracie family in Brazil, where, you guys, they were more strikers and you were more grapplers. Can you tell us about that era?
Unknown Speaker
Yes, was a very. Because Brazilians are very much hot blood. And even though we get the information, the traditional martial arts information ends up by we trying everything we get on the beach or any kind of arguments on the street. So I think you better. So let's prove. Let's go down. So the idea of fighting is very common in Brazil. And then the jiu jitsu start to represent art. And for us to get the trust of others and ourselves to believe in what we do, we have an open challenge for anyone anytime, try to come and challenge us to represent jiu jitsu. So it was an open challenge 2407. And that's kind of pretty much give us, like, the sense where the preparation for something like that cannot be only physical or technical, has to be emotional and spiritual. That's why in my early age, I started creating a huge interest then about breathing, about meditation, about self control, about visualization strategy. I believe those tools can help also, not only the warrior, but can also very much help the spiritual warrior. So I start to creating elements to enhance my possibilities against such unpredictable opponents and tough guys. So has to be a complete learning process.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I used to teach boxing, and I used to notice that guys who are in phenomenal shape would be immediately winded when they sparred for a couple of minutes. Guys that did triathletes and stuff, because they were expending so much energy in their head and so much. I mean, the adrenaline dumped was amazing. And it was guys in phenomenal, phenomenal athletes versus some of these guys. Like, you see a guy like James Toney fight. The guy's 50 pounds overweight. He's standing there, but he's barely moving because in his mind, this isn't a big deal. Efficiency, efficiency. And so I used to tell everyone, I would tell my students, I'd go, look, pretend you fell off the back of a cruise ship. You gotta make it to the shore. The shore is eight miles away. You start going nuts, you just drowned immediately. The only way to do this is to breathe and get even and get calm. Otherwise, you're drowned. If you flail, that's you drowning, you know, smooth and efficient now. But it's one thing to tell Somebody that. And it's another thing have them execute it, which is much harder when they get into the ring.
Unknown Speaker
Ring definitely. I feel like learning how to breathe is already a huge advantage. But learning how to breathe and to favor your activity is even better. You see tennis players today, they breathe.
Adam Carolla
A.
Unknown Speaker
Because they find the perfect rhythm. So even though you can be in a top shape, if you don't have the rhythm of the fight, don't have the rhythm of the tennis, you're not gonna breathe harmonious with the motion and that will make you disconnect with the recovery and you feel like exhausted in no time. So learning how to breathe is important. Learning how to breathe and educate yourself to move with the motions you are required for. Because I'm very efficient in my breathing with my diaphragm. But my surf breathing is different than my fighting breathing is different than my recovery breathing is different than my relaxed breathing to sleep. So I have different ways to help myself to achieve what I want through breathing. And some people, they have a top shape but they don't know how to breathe well according with the task. So they pass hard times sometimes.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I guess that's kind of Wim Hof's thing. I don't know if you studied him, but the guy does the polar plunges. Oh yeah, he does all I have.
Unknown Speaker
I have like you mentioned the documentary Choke being a cold showers and the rivers on the in Japan on the snow was part of my practice to educate my emotional to feel calm under pressure.
Adam Carolla
That's interesting. Yeah. The cold, I've been doing it for a while. It's mostly for your head. Everyone talks about joints and inflammation and everything else. It's all for your head. It's all for the head. That's the part.
Unknown Speaker
And something very interesting about that is when you plunge yourself in the cold with the head out, you feel discomfortable, but you feel like it's a possible discomfort comfortable. Try to do with a snorkel and dive yourself and start to breathe under the water.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker
And then you feel your brain burns and that's where you need to feel like the be calm and breathing, a relaxed breathing to bring yourself under control. And soon you get the calmness under that situation. It's time to leave. Because if you stay too long you can may die.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, hypothermia. I tell you the weird thing about being in the cold is your body is working so hard to find heat somewhere to manufacture some heat that you'll feel if you lift your arm, you got a little warm thunder and you lift just your arm up. You'll feel, oh, the cold. Or you take your knee that was bent and open your leg. You'll feel it under your knee like your body is trying to find any warmth it can create anywhere. And it actually gets more painful if you just sat there holding your shoulders in and your knees bent and then you open yourself up. It's a next level of pain.
Unknown Speaker
Yes.
Dawson
So what, what is this new book about? Is there some, I don't know, new chapter you're unfolding here with the Gracie legacy here?
Unknown Speaker
No, the book is. The first book was my biography with my life story and things happened with me. And the second book is how to handle discomfortables in life. Like for now in 2021, I've been diagnosed with Parkinson's and for me, quit is not an option. For me, just obey what the doctor said. For me also is not an option. He gave me medicine, he told me to do exercise and wait. And I seeking for different opinions, different doctors, different healers. And I changed my life completely from A to Z. From the fasting to not eating meat, red meat, stop completely drinking beer or alcohol, start eating, taking a lot of supplements, some mushrooms from somewhere and some other healing process. So I've been taking advantage of every element I can do to get my best. Because in my mind, my intention is to beat Parkinson, not to be defeated by it. Quid is not an option. So for me it's just another opponent where I have to use the invisible tools of the spiritual warrior. I have to have hope, I have to have visualization, I have to have strategy, I have to have faith, I have to have acceptance. So this book shows how you can sometimes fight for win, or maybe sometimes win without a fight, because it's a matter of options, it's a matter of choices, it's a matter of purpose. And then in the second book, I show more how I think to handle my personal situations, my problems, and how to feel happy and grateful and thankful and with much more things to be thankful about it then complain. So the second book is Aspiring book for people who may have any kind of emotional, physical or any traumatic problem.
Adam Carolla
You brought up at the beginning. The avoidance of pain or discomfort that I've been thinking about a lot, which I feel is a real problem in our society. You know, everyone ordering grubhub and not making their own food or not washing their own car, just not doing the things we used to do, all in the name of avoiding something they didn't want to do. And I haven't really zeroed in on it. But I keep going back to this. You gotta invite some pain and some adversity and some challenge. You gotta install it in your life. Life, it doesn't exist. There's air conditioning everywhere. There's hot water coming out of every pipe. There's food everywhere. You're going to have to start finding discomfort. Much like we don't walk to the river three miles every day. So someone invented a treadmill to simulate that. But we need some adversity people and stop avoiding everything. And I find myself telling that to people all the time. And they go, what's wrong with the little luxury? And I go, you should do it yourself. You should go do this yourself. And they go, get someone else to do it. Call GrubHub and TaskRabbit and let the guy come and do it. It's a problem and I don't like it. And I feel like the people that I know who are successful invite a little that adversity into their own life. Like the cold plunge, it's not there for your joints, it's there for your brain.
Unknown Speaker
Yes, I 100% agree with you. And I think because people take for granted the life itself. And I feel the humanity being dehumanized by technology, by Internet, by. By robotics, makes too easy for the human being to live virtually and not be leaving the now. I feel like when I practice jiu jitsu, if I have anything in my mind, which is not exactly the moves I plan to do and what the guy wants to do with me, my counters, if I live that kind of moment, I will be defeated. I will make mistakes. So keep me on the now is very important. But also what is very important because people become dehumanized is just the feeling of shaking the hands. Some people, they lost the ability to shake their hands, to look in the eye, to talk with a girl, to make a buy or sale in person. So they lose the ability to connect. And I feel like that's a devastating sense. Think because keep you out of your. The ability to be alive and sensitive. You start to less using less your senses, you know, and for you, in order for you to capitalize on that and grow, you have to go back to your interior. You have to start to feel how you feel mentally, spiritually and physically. Breathing make you connect. Because the lung has the capacity to connect with your brain and your heart. And your brain and your heart are the only organs in your body who can give and receive information. So with that connection, if you get stressed by Email immediately. If you get a relaxed breathing protocol, you're going to feel shocked by the email this happened and you start to breathe. You able to control your emotions, your lungs, your heart rate. You still have the problem, but the problem doesn't affect you. If you don't know how to clean your system, you can stay, stick with the problem during the night, the next day, wake up emotionally disturbed. So stress, disappointments, frustration, anxiety, all those can be completely fixed by the breathing protocols.
Adam Carolla
What do you think about all these weight loss drugs now, Manjaro and Ozempic and all that? I worry about the residual effects, not the side effects of the drug, the mental side effects of taking a shot. Instead of diet, exercise, you know, work, what you guys would have to do to cut weight and just the discipline that's involved with every day trying to shed pounds and not put on weight. I worry about the emotional, mental part of all these drugs, not the physical part.
Unknown Speaker
I agree, I agree. When you try to add some kind of protocol, which is unnatural, you either become dependent or you become like unsatisfied because this is not going to do for you. I recommend for anyone in any age, any time, start thinking about the purpose in life. Because when you decide to have a purpose, when you decide to go in a road for any reason, you start to become more capable to use discipline, to use strategy, to use commitment, to use willpower, to use courage in order to support your endeavor. But if you don't have purpose, you basically, okay, I need to lost weight. But your purpose is not in there. It's just like something for you to look good. And they stuck around. So that's that way you become like part of a movement, which you notice fully integrated with, fully connected. So it's just an idea which becomes shallow. So more you desire to have something more, you have to inflict this in your core, Making a purpose and then putting discipline, putting all the elements you need to achieve that. In a way, you feel proud about it. So leave the superficial things and go in the deep stuff in your mind, in your brain, in your capacity to make changes and you will.
Adam Carolla
Well, I think now we have to make a concerted effort to fight for this stuff, which is in the past. It was just, just life. You had to get up, you had movement, you had exercise, you had tasks. These things were baked in and built into everyday life. You sweated because you had to go build things and make things or hunt. Depends how far back you went. But everybody had stuff to do all day, every day. Otherwise you would starve and you wouldn't exist or the winter would come in and you wouldn't have an enough meat salted away all the metaphors. But I'm saying you had to do it. Now there's Ozempic and you can sit home and still get paid. You don't have to go into work. I mean, during COVID the government will cut you a check not to work. And so we have. It's all out there. It's all bad and it's all tempting. You know, fast food is open 247 now. You know, when I grew up, everything was closed on Sunday. You couldn't eat fast food on a Sunday because the place was. Everything was closed. It's now 24 7. You got porn on your phone, you got Jack in the box open till 4 in the morning. You got free money from the government. It's all there. And if you get too fat, you can get your Ozempic shot. Now we're going to have to create the grass. You're gonna have to impose this on yourself. You're gonna have to find it and you're gonna have to live in it because it is all there for the taking. And every bad impulse you have as a human being, you can now indulge and you'll do it judgment free. No, we live in a society doesn't really judge anymore.
Dawson
Well, successful guys like Adam Carolla or like a Hicks and Gracie, legendary people go beyond that and force themselves to suffer.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'm not as. I don't, I don't have the discipline Hickson has. But what I'm saying is I washed my car this weekend in my driveway because I think you're supposed to do those kinds of things. It wasn't to save $26. It was to wash my car as an activity.
Dawson
Yeah, well, Hickson, you know there's been a huge influx of new Jiu Jitsu students in large part thanks to you and your family. What is your strategy or some advice you could give to the white belts, the blue belts out there who are just starting their Jiu Jitsu journey. Like what? What would you tell those beginners?
Unknown Speaker
What I say is what I believe. Jiu Jitsu been growing a lot like you said, and I agree with that. But the sportive side of Jiu Jitsu has been growing much more than the self defense aspect of. And the sports side of Jiu Jitsu make you tough, make you a good athlete, but doesn't give you the martial arts understanding. For you to add to your life self defense differently Coming with situations, it's not coming from another fighter, coming from an aggressor himself, defense the aggressor, or he's coming to stab you to club, to use the club against you, try to throw you a chair, maybe two opponents trying to beat you. So it's unpredictable situations. We start creating some kind of take the stage because you start to see somebody with a knife in front of you. Of course you don't want to get stabbed, you don't want to get in a situation like that. But if you practice against somebody with a knife, you start to creating some kind of anticipation, some kind of malice, some kind of strategy, which gonna really become more comfortable in real life situations than you just passing a guard of somebody in a tournament with rules, with judges. So my advice for the people who start to understand Jiu jitsu and start to get involved with the sport is to for them to get the maximum of it, try to learn also self defense moves. Because that will create a situation which can be related to the street. And that's take the relation to life. Because when you start to understand jujitsu conceptually, for example, timing. Timing can be the concept appreciative to deflect a punch from a punch. But timing is also the timing you have to talk with your wife about something important or talk with your boss about getting salary. So timing to get an airplane, timing to talk with somebody about some subject. So timing is a metaphor for life. You can apply timing in many ways. Connection. Connection is the same thing you can connect to through somebody. You can connect to keep your base, but also you can connect to shake hands and feel, I don't like this guy. His energy is not good. I feel like bad energy. Or you get into a place and say, wow, this place is dark. I just see bad people, bad energy. So the connection becomes a metaphor for life. When you start to understand connection as concept, you either connect with somebody or do you keep the distance. But all this comes in the martial arts way, not exactly in a sportive way. So Jiu Jitsu is much bigger than the sport aspect of it.
Adam Carolla
Well, that was a unexpected, powerful, yet pragmatic answer and a good note to go out on the book Comfort and the Invisible Power of Jiu Jitsu. It's available as we speak on all finer bookstores. Should I give your website out? I will do that. It is R I C K S O N Gracie G R a c I e.com for anything related to hickory. Thanks for joining us.
Unknown Speaker
Thank you, Adam. I appreciate my brother.
Dawson
God Bless.
Unknown Speaker
Hope to see you on the Met someday.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dawson
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Thank you, sir.
Dawson
I'll be on my back for everything you've done for our sport, man. Thank you very much.
Unknown Speaker
My pleasure, my brother. God bless. Take care.
Adam Carolla
Thanks. All right, Fitzsimmons, you can check out his special, you know me on YouTube. Very funny. Manuka, honey. Had some the other day. Put it in some cottage. Felt good about myself. Until next time, Sam, for Hickson and Greg and Mayhem saying Mahala, you can.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and you can always get tickets to see.
Adam Carolla
Adam corolla@adam carola.com.
Greg Fitzsimmons
Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's free. I love free and I love Jersey Shore. For me, it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on. Criminal minds Solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love, love to watch Pluto tv Makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV stream now pay never. I love reality TV on Pluto tv.
Hickson Gracie
Same.
Greg Fitzsimmons
And I love that it's free. It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club. I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day. Survivor. I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows. You are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv. Pluto TV stream now pay never.
Adam Carolla Show Episode Summary
Episode: Greg “FitzDog” Fitzsimmons Returns + MMA Legend Rickson Gracie
Release Date: November 12, 2024
In this engaging episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes comedian Greg “FitzDog” Fitzsimmons and mixed martial arts legend Rickson Gracie to the studio. The trio dives into a variety of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and societal observations to the profound impact of Jiu Jitsu on personal development.
The conversation kicks off with a humorous exchange about reality TV and the freedom of streaming platforms like Pluto TV. However, it quickly shifts to personal stories about cars and mishaps on the road.
Car Woes and Emotional Turmoil: Hickson Gracie shares a harrowing experience of his brand-new Mustang being involved in a severe accident. He recounts, “[03:27] ’And the guy couldn’t have been cooler. He was like, dude, my fault 100%. Everything’s been cool with the insurance.’” This incident not only left his car damaged but also triggered deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, reflecting on how personal achievements often come with their own set of emotional challenges.
Adam’s Car Struggles: Adam relates his struggles with installing air conditioning in his Mazda Supra, highlighting the frustrations of DIY projects. He humorously notes, “[17:37] ’I announced I was going to have air conditioning. I would have the first Corolla with air conditioning.’” This leads to a relatable discussion about the complexities of vehicle maintenance and the emotional ties we have with our cars.
Adam and Hickson delve into the effectiveness of public messages displayed in public spaces, particularly focusing on the NFL's “End Racism” signage.
Critique of Generic Messaging: Adam expresses skepticism about the impact of such slogans, questioning their relevance and effectiveness across different cultures. “[28:06] ’The NFL has their end zone sayings, and one of them is end racism, which I always argue with… And they have a history.’” Hickson adds a sarcastic twist, suggesting localized messages would be more appropriate, such as “[29:32] ’Maybe you pick specific things each country… something that can… get a vote.’”
Freeway Signage Woes: The duo humorously criticizes the generically vague freeway signs, proposing absurd alternatives like promoting prostate exams or addressing real issues like missing children. Hickson quips, “[33:04] ’Maybe end elderly abuse should be T-shirts and you give them to people in old folks homes.’”
The episode takes a somber turn as Hickson opens up about personal challenges, including being diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. He discusses his proactive approach to managing the condition through lifestyle changes and mental resilience.
Rickson’s Journey with Parkinson's: Hickson shares his transformative journey, stating, “[107:26] ’I changed my life completely from A to Z. From the fasting to not eating meat, stop completely drinking beer or alcohol…’” He emphasizes the importance of purpose and discipline in overcoming adversity, offering hope and strategies for listeners facing their own struggles.
Breathing Techniques and Mental Fortitude: Both Adam and Hickson explore the significance of breathing and mindfulness in maintaining mental and emotional stability. Hickson explains, “[124:08] ’Learning how to breathe is important. Learning how to breathe and educate yourself to move with the motions you are required for…’” Adam relates this to personal anecdotes about staying focused and handling stress.
A highlight of the episode is the in-depth discussion about Jiu Jitsu and its broader implications beyond the sport itself.
Origins and Family Tradition: Rickson Gracie delves into the history of Jiu Jitsu within the Gracie family, explaining how the martial art became a cornerstone of their legacy. “[106:00] ’Our family was introduced to Jiu Jitsu by a fellow coming from Japan… And since then, we just follow the tradition.’”
Self-Defense vs. Sportive Jiu Jitsu: Rickson emphasizes the importance of self-defense aspects of Jiu Jitsu over its competitive side. “[107:26] ’The sportive side of Jiu Jitsu has been growing much more than the self-defense aspect…but Jiu Jitsu is much bigger than the sport.’” He encourages practitioners to integrate self-defense techniques to better prepare for real-life confrontations.
Mental and Spiritual Preparation: Highlighting the mental discipline required in Jiu Jitsu, Rickson states, “[114:24] ’Learning how to breathe and to favor your activity is even better… I have different ways to help myself achieve what I want through breathing.’” This ties back to the earlier conversation on mental resilience and purpose.
As the episode winds down, Rickson Gracie promotes his new book, Comfort and Darkness: The Invisible Power of Jiu Jitsu, which delves into his personal experiences and the emotional and spiritual dimensions of martial arts.
Book Insights: Rickson shares insights from his book, focusing on overcoming personal adversity and the holistic benefits of Jiu Jitsu. “[117:37] ’The second book is about how to handle uncomfortable situations in life…’”
Final Thoughts: Adam wraps up the conversation by acknowledging the profound wisdom Rickson brings, stating, “[132:15] ’That was a unexpected, powerful, yet pragmatic answer and a good note to go out on the book…’”
Hickson Gracie on Self-Worth:
“[03:42] Hickson Gracie: 'I thought like, I don't deserve good things.'”
Adam Carolla on Public Messaging:
“[28:06] Adam Carolla: 'Do they get a vote? How about just better together in each one?'”
Rickson Gracie on Purpose and Discipline:
“[107:26] Rickson Gracie: 'My intention is to beat Parkinson, not to be defeated by it.'”
Hickson Gracie on Jiu Jitsu’s Deeper Meaning:
“[114:24] Hickson Gracie: 'Timing is a metaphor for life. Connection is a metaphor for life.'”
This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and insightful discussions on resilience, martial arts, and societal norms. With Greg Fitzsimmons’ comedic flair and Rickson Gracie’s profound wisdom, listeners are treated to an enriching conversation that underscores the importance of purpose, discipline, and emotional intelligence in navigating life’s challenges.
For more insights from Rickson Gracie and to explore his book, visit ricksongracie.com.
Note: All timestamps are approximate based on the provided transcript.