The Adam Carolla Show – January 22, 2026

Episode: Greg Fitzsimmons Explains Hollywood Math, Bad Podcasts & Comedy Myths

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode features comedian Greg Fitzsimmons (“Fitzdog”) joining Adam Carolla for a freewheeling discussion about life on the road as a comic, oddballs in the comedy world, “Hollywood math” behind popular podcasts, the changing nature of celebrity media, comedy myths, and generational disconnects. They riff on everything from green room horror stories to OnlyFans visas to celebrity family drama, with characteristic unapologetic humor and insight. Greg and Adam also reflect on nostalgia, authenticity in comedy, and the oddities of American culture, all wrapped in true Carolla Show style with unsparing candor and plenty of outrageous rants.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Comedian’s Life: Touring Tales and Tough Crowds

• Multiple Shows & Stand-Up Conditioning:

  • Greg details the grind of doing several shows in one night—“Three shows on a Saturday! The second was packed, but the first and third could’ve fit in one” (02:49).
  • Reflects on the challenge of regaining energy after “bad” late shows and how adversity on stage sharpens comics: “I was a stronger comic… I had just run with weights on. You need those.” (04:18)

• Dealing with Bad Audiences:

  • Greg recounts a confrontation with spoiled, disruptive young patrons at a club, highlighting the unique skills live comics need to survive:
    “I finally went, ‘Hey, I can’t do this with the comedy black hole in the front row here. What the fuck is up with you people?’” (04:27)
  • Both note that shows with adversity are crucial for a comedian’s growth.

• Comedy Venues’ Hallmarks:

  • Adam distinguishes between “dedicated comedy clubs” and re-purposed general venues: “…buildings where they could have sold flooring last month, but now it’s a comedy club.” (06:10)

2. Nostalgia for Old School Comedy

• The George Burns Parable:

  • Adam shares a long anecdote about discussing George Burns—classic comedian and entertainer—but younger media people and even his own son didn’t know the name.
    • Memorable moment: Discovering a random Colorado club decorated throughout with images of George Burns on the night of what turns out to be Burns’ birthday—a comic cosmic coincidence.
      “We talk about George Burns… then a few hours later, we go in this club and there’s George Burns everywhere. Don’t you think that’s a bizarre coincidence, Mike?” (12:09)

• Showbiz Generational Disconnects:

  • The crew reflects on how cultural touchstones go forgotten with time.
  • Adam: “One of my favorite parts of life is when people don’t know something they should know that’s sort of right in front of their face.” (05:26)

3. Patterns, Literalism, and the Mike August Effect

• Comedy Math Debates:

  • Adam lovingly roasts his producer, Mike August, for lacking pattern recognition but being stubbornly literal.
  • Example: Mike misreading a menu and asking for a “BLT” that wasn’t available, then wondering why it didn’t include ham, turkey, or cheese.
    “Mike took the comedy club sandwich because it had the ingredients—bacon, lettuce, and tomato—and made it a BLT… The waiter made him a BLT and brought it back. Then Mike wants to know where the beef and the ham and the cheese is… He could have simply just given the name of the sandwich.” (27:44)

• Pattern Recognition vs. Literal Thinking:

  • Adam explains:
    “I haven’t touched a menu, but I know there’s no BLT because we’ve been to 2000 clubs and there’s never been a BLT. It’s a pattern thing with me.” (29:08)

4. “Hollywood Math” and the Celebrity Podcast Gold Rush

• Podcast Success Secret—It’s the Rolodex, Stupid:

  • Adam dissects how big money Hollywood podcasts are less about “good radio” or comedy and more about safe, soft interviews and leveraging guest lists.

    “There’s a math that Hollywood… figured out. I have a Rolodex of celebrity friends that’s endless… Get these incredible guests and then you have comfortable conversations with them… But you’re really getting paid from your Rolodex.” (54:27)

  • Greg adds:

    “The business is based on big names now. Movies, TV, podcasts, ads… it’s very safe, very expected. There’s no curveballs, no hard-hitting questions.” (55:41)

  • Adam laments the loss of “tough” or authentic conversations on bigger podcasts and mainstream media:

    “It’s not like Joe Rogan, where you gotta talk to a guy for three hours who claims thermodynamics proves the moon landing is fake…” (54:56)

5. Comedy’s Honest Test & Self-Destruction

• The Brutal Truth of Stand-Up:

  • Greg:

    “The audience doesn’t care about your lead… Even if you’re not making them laugh, they’ll stop coming… It actually is a very honest medium.” (58:32)

  • Adam swipes at the ‘instant karma’ of bombing:

    “You go from best basketball player to ‘this guy sucks’… Anyone can do it. And that’s how we are as an audience.” (59:53)

• Arena Acts & Playing It Safe:

  • Both roast the tendency of big acts or movies to become too safe and milquetoast—“protecting the lead” rather than taking risks:

    “Not wanting to get canceled is a sort of ‘protect the lead’—and the game gets a little boring.” (57:09)

6. American Upbringing, Poverty, and Eating Habits

• Dogs Now Live and Eat Better than Adam’s Childhood:

  “Dogs eat better than I ate as a child… their owners put more money and effort into nutrition and beds than my parents did.” (32:30)

• Gluck Night at Home:

  • Greg’s classic: “Gluck is ground beef in butter on a pan, then placed on a buttered piece of Wonder bread.” (33:43)

• Welfare, Food Deserts, and Self-Reliance Rant:

  • Adam rails against government dependency and the “poverty” argument about food security:

    “It’s not the government’s job… Let the fucking people figure it out… If milk is too exotic and too expensive for you as a family, the kids are going to a fucking home.” (91:07)

7. Culture, Cancelation, and Outrage

• Celebrity Cancel Culture:

  • The idea for a tongue-in-cheek pay-per-view event—“Night of Deplorables”—featuring canceled figures like Bill Cosby and Jared from Subway, with real unscripted questions. (42:41)

• Old School Gay and Fat Jokes:

  • Adam:

    “It was back when if you were gay or black or fat… we could just make derogatory comments loosely based on you being gay, black, or fat.” (49:52)

8. OnlyFans, Visas, and the Fame Economy

• Visas for “Extraordinary Ability” Go to OnlyFans Creators:
  • Increasing numbers of O-1B visas are awarded to adult content creators and online influencers, sparking observation on American values and the changing nature of “talent.” (72:20)
• Comedians, Washed-Up Actors, and Second Acts:
  • Reflections on B-list TV stars moving into porn or stand-up, and why stand-up is sometimes the more “depressing” fallback.

9. Celebrity Family Drama and Wealth

• Brooklyn Beckham & The Family Feud:
  • Adam and Andrew riff on the public spat between Brooklyn Beckham and his famous parents, referencing celebrity inheritance strategies and riffs about “spoiled spice.” (99:18)
  • Adam’s satirical “children of the stars” inheritance plan: “You got to fuck up one of your brothers and sisters… you got a 33% bump in your inheritance.” (102:43)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Comedy Grit

  “I was feeling like I was a stronger comic… I had just run with weights on, and the next gig’s gonna be a piece of cake. And you need those.”
  – Greg Fitzsimmons, 04:18

• On the “Mike August Effect”

  “You took a sandwich, called it something else, and then they accommodated you… but you could just say the name of the sandwich.”
  – Adam Carolla, 27:47

• On Modern Podcast Celebrity Culture

  “It’s really the Rolodex that’s getting $100 million.”
  – Adam Carolla, 54:51

• On Cancel Culture and Safe Artistry

  “Not wanting to get canceled is a sort of protect-the-lead… and the game gets a little boring.”
  – Adam Carolla, 57:09

• On Stand-Up’s Brutal Meritocracy

  “At the end of the day, the audience doesn’t give a shit about your lead… If you’re not making them laugh… they stop coming.”
  – Greg Fitzsimmons, 58:32

• On American Upbringings & Food

  “Dogs eat better than I ate as a child… and they have better beds.”
  – Adam Carolla, 32:30

• On “Food Deserts” & Welfare

  “It’s not a price thing. It isn’t… Let the fucking people figure it out. And the kids are all fucking fat anyway, so whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it wrong.”
  – Adam Carolla, 83:56

Important Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | Speaker(s) | |-------------|-----------------------------------------------|--------------------| | 02:00–04:45 | Life on the road, tough comedy shows | Greg, Adam | | 05:15–13:10 | George Burns generational disconnect, coincidence | Adam, Greg | | 27:44–29:08 | The Mike August "BLT" menu debacle | Adam, Greg | | 54:27–56:00 | "Hollywood math" behind major podcasts | Adam, Greg | | 58:32–60:19 | Comedy honesty—big names still bomb | Greg, Adam | | 72:20–78:13 | OnlyFans visas & washed-up actors in stand-up | Andrew, Adam, Greg | | 99:18–107:00| Brooklyn Beckham family drama & inheritance | Andrew, Adam | | 91:07–93:02 | Adam’s welfare & milk rant | Adam | | 49:52–51:54 | Old school “offensive” comedy: jokes on roasts | Adam, Greg |

Tone and Style

The discussion is frank, irreverent, and peppered with personal anecdotes, observational rants, and comic roasts. Adam and Greg keep the tone conversational and self-aware; they blend humor with moments of real (if sometimes harsh) social commentary. They also illustrate points with vivid stories from their own showbiz and personal experiences, sometimes circling back for running jokes.

Summary

For listeners, this episode delivers a vivid behind-the-curtain look at the trade-offs and myths of comedic success, the oddball ways un-reflective people navigate life, how podcasting’s big bucks are often just about connections, and how both showbiz and American culture keep recycling the same mistakes. It’s also packed with quick-witted tangents—from food middle-class nostalgia to pop star stockpiling—sure to amuse longtime fans and interested newcomers alike.