Adam Carolla Show (Carolla Classics: Greg Fitzsimmons + Rich Eisen)

Date: December 19, 2025
Featured Guests: Greg Fitzsimmons, Rich Eisen, Eric Stonestreet, Mike August
Host and Regulars: Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, “Bald” Bryan Bishop

Main Theme and Episodes Overview

This Carolla Classics episode revisits two fan-favorite shows:

• Adam Carolla Show #1440 (with comedian Greg Fitzsimmons, 2014)
• Adam Carolla Show #1422 (with Rich Eisen, Eric Stonestreet, & Mike August, 2014)

Main Themes:

• Behind-the-scenes stories on showbiz, travel, and food
• Conversation about overprivileged youth and first-class travel
• The struggle against patent trolls threatening podcasts
• Lively sports banter including NFL talk, football culture, athlete scandals
• Regular Carolla rants about modern life annoyances, airplane food, and societal quirks

Episode #1440: Greg Fitzsimmons

1. Opening Banter and Greg Fitzsimmons’ Gigs

• Greg Fitzsimmons plugs upcoming shows (Hollywood & Houston Improv); comedy special on Hulu (01:09)
• Early jokes about team-building events and the power move of booking celebrities for appearances

2. Corporate Gigs, Celebrity “Gettability”, and Value of Money

• Carolla discusses being paid for brief appearances and the “ultimate power move” of just showing up (02:12)
• QUOTE:
  "Everybody's gettable for a price..." — Adam (03:35)
• Jokes about George Clinton, Don Henley; debate the value of high-priced gigs even for wealthy celebs
• Amusing hypothetical: Would you pay a million to attend a party instead of getting a million to skip it?

3. First-Class Flights and Overprivileged Kids (07:41)

• Adam rants about being in a 10-person first-class pod with kids & dogs ("13- and 15-year-olds with their own pods")
• QUOTE:
  "I work my whole life to get to this pod. You're 13 and you're right next to me in your pod. Now it doesn't mean anything anymore." — Adam (08:04)
• Fitzsimmons and Allison Rosen join in with stories and observations about spoiled children and lost perspective

4. In-Flight Food and "First World Problems" (12:41)

• Adam is annoyed by pretentious airplane menu offerings ("Wasabi crusted salmon with sweet papaya pineapple marmalade")
• Long riff about how he always picks "classic cheese lasagna" over “interesting” food; heated, playful back-and-forth with Bald Bryan
• QUOTE:
  "I'm not interested in interesting when it comes to food… I want what it is." — Adam (14:57)
• Sympathetic jokes from Fitzsimmons:
  "Some countries, the Yelp review is: How was your food? I didn't have any." (34:17)

5. Most Famous Japanese Person in America (23:13)

• Adam poses the question: Is Yoko Ono the most famous Japanese (person) in America?
• The team debates alternatives: Ichiro Suzuki, George Takei, Pat Morita, Godzilla
• Producer records man-on-the-street answers… Mostly "Jackie Chan," demonstrating widespread ignorance about Asian celebrities
• QUOTE:
  "Jackie Chan came in second and then Yoko Ono in third... He’s Chinese and she's Japanese, and we don't give a shit." — Adam (28:11)

6. Comedy Time Capsule: Tamayo Atsuki Stand-Up (34:41)

• Rare 80s stand-up from Japanese comic Tamayo Atsuki is played
• Laughter and commentary about 1980s ethnic comedy, Asian stereotypes, and how jokes/acts were “fed” to performers
• Memorable Exchange:

  Fitzsimmons (on Tamayo): “She’s a trailblazer for all those women whose names we can’t think of right now who are less famous than Yoko Ono.” (40:44)

• Audience debates whether stereotypes in comedy age well

7. Classic Carolla Rants: Airplane Annoyances (41:27)

• Incoherent locations for the headphone jack; “Why not paint it red?”
• In-flight announcements much louder than movie audio
• QUOTE:
  "Why do you have to be literally startled? Like, you’re sort of chillaxing… and all of a sudden it’s like... [mimics blaring PA]" — Adam (44:49)

8. Miscellaneous: Halloween, Parents, and Money (73:06)

• Discussion of Halloween celebrations, overpriced kids’ wristbands ("$40 per kid for a Halloween party!")
• Reflection on needing to beg parents for money as kids, contrasting today’s entitlement with past frugality
• Fitzsimmons: “Prom night was the first time that wallet opened up…”

9. The News with Allison Rosen (51:50)

Highlights:

• School shooting in Washington (2014): Shooter background, media misconceptions about “warning signs” (54:11)
• Ebola fears, media panic vs. reality, and politicians’ self-serving responses (62:24)
• More on hospital procedure, silly policies, and first-world complaints ("Give us your underpants for wrist surgery") (69:04)
• Outrageous or “too soon” Halloween costumes, including Greg’s infamous abortion costume (78:33)
• Hangers in domestic life: "There was nothing we couldn't do with a hanger" (79:13)

Episode #1422: Rich Eisen, Eric Stonestreet, Mike August

1. Patent Trolls vs. Podcasting (95:13)

• In-depth, fascinating discussion of Adam Carolla’s legal battle with “Personal Audio”
• Mike August (Carolla’s manager, ex-attorney) details the lawsuit, legal costs, and how crowd-funding and podcaster alliances turned the tide
• QUOTE:
  "We were looking at… If this would have gone the wrong way, we would have had to close this business down because we could not withstand the cost." — Mike August (101:10)
• Explanation of “settlement” vs. “dismissal,” the cost in hundreds of thousands, and the message sent to future patent trolls
• Adam's advice: “Don’t get successful, it’s a pain in the ass.” (109:46)

2. NFL & Sports Talk with Rich Eisen and Eric Stonestreet

• Rich Eisen discusses his new show and the increasing “days per week” of NFL content (120:05)
• Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family), die-hard KC Chiefs fan, calls in:
  • Rants about media “East Coast bias” giving KC no respect for a big win
  • Jokes about Chiefs’ beefy coach Andy Reid and local football injuries (123:19)
  • QUOTE:
    "The coach and the quarterback… mirror the lack of respect that a lot of football fans have for the Chiefs." — Rich Eisen (124:40)

3. NFL History and Football Culture (136:25)

• Why Friday night NFL games will “never” happen (antitrust exemption preserves High School football) (136:52)
• Adam and Rich Eisen riff about football showmanship, Carolla’s successful campaign to raise the goalposts, and the idea of the “replay gimp” (a comedic proposal for a fresh-eyed NFL replay judge) (146:56)
• QUOTE:
  "People thought you were crazy, that you had absolutely no chance of making this happen… And guess what? It happened." — Rich Eisen on Adam Carolla’s goalpost idea (151:36)

4. Locker Room and SNL Parody

• Debate over Jay Pharoah’s SNL impression of Shannon Sharpe; Sharpe took offense, but the gang debates why parody never flatters (168:41)
• QUOTE:
  "No one ever poked fun at them… That’s why when people do, they have this reaction like they’re in high school and they’re like, I’m going to fucking kill that nerd. How dare you. They don’t even realize what they sound like." — Adam (172:51)

5. News Highlights

• Biggest holidays for traffic on Pornhub (President’s Day, MLK, Black Friday, etc.); theorizing why certain days spike or drop (182:08)
• Germany considers decriminalizing consensual sibling incest (“baby steps”), leading to raucous jokes and classic Carolla commentary on politicians and social taboos (174:13)
• Clippers owner Steve Ballmer pushing for Microsoft-only devices in the locker room (178:02)
• More first-world rants about tech, iPhones vs. Android, and Carolla’s need for “grandpa sized” screens

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "[I want] the steak. I want the lasagna. I want what it is. Because I've had too many experiments blow up in my mouth." — Adam (14:57)
• "Jackie Chan came in second and then Yoko Ono in third. Jackie Chan is Chinese and she's Japanese and we don't give a shit." — Adam (28:11)
• "You don't do that to another American — no fucking cable." — Adam on Ebola quarantine tents (60:18)
• "Don’t get successful, it’s a pain in the ass." — Adam (109:46)
• "When you’re pitching jokes, you’re not sucking dick. It’s hard to do them both at the same time." — Adam, mock-arguing about joke writing in relationships (50:05)
• "If you don’t have something racist to say, don’t say it at all." — Adam (188:46)

Timestamps of Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Highlight | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:35 | Celebrity “gettability” and corporate gigs stories | | 08:04 | Adam’s rant about first-class pods & entitled kids | | 12:41 | In-flight food; the “classic lasagna” diatribe | | 23:13 | Famous Japanese people debate and “man-on-the-street” segment | | 34:41 | 1980s Japanese-American stand-up, ethnic comedy review | | 44:49 | Airplane headphone jack & announcement volume frustrations | | 51:50 | The News segment begins (Allison Rosen) | | 95:13 | Mike August on the patent troll battle (intro and details) | | 120:05 | NFL talk & Rich Eisen’s new show | | 123:19 | Eric Stonestreet’s KC Chiefs call | | 146:56 | The “replay gimp” NFL idea and comedic showmanship discussion | | 168:41 | SNL's Shannon Sharpe impression controversy | | 182:08 | News: Pornhub holiday traffic stats | | 174:13 | Germany’s ethics council and incest law debate |

General Tone and Style

• Language & Tone: Unfiltered, comedic, quick-witted; much of the humor is edgy, irreverent, and definitely “uncensored.” Regular off-color jokes, lampooning of stereotypes, and pointed commentary on absurdities of modern life.
• Panel Dynamic: Adam leads with rants and “life logic,” while Fitzsimmons delivers deadpan and quick punchlines. Allison and Bald Bryan contribute questions, counterpoints, and clever rejoinders. Guests like Eisen and Stonestreet join for quick, lively, and often sports-centric phone-ins.
• Memorable Moments:
  • “Most Famous Japanese Person” segment with hilariously ignorant survey answers
  • Tamayo Atsuki’s 1980s stand-up (complete with panel giggles, cringes, and meta-jokes)
  • Mocking airline food with passion, and the “first-class pod” jealousy
  • Patented Carolla frustration with unnecessary complexity (tech, hospital procedures, Halloween party fees)

For Listeners Who Haven't Heard the Episode

This “Carolla Classics” edition is a packed showcase of Adam Carolla’s signature style—riffing on everyday observations, societal pitfalls, and the quirks of fame, all in marathon, banter-filled fashion. Expect unvarnished comedy, running gags on food and travel, deep-cut pop culture and sports insights, and regular table-pounding rants about life’s little annoyances. Whether you’re in it for the laughs, the nostalgia, or the behind-the-scenes podcast drama, this episode delivers vintage Carolla—complete with classic guests and recurring cast.

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