Hanson + Bryan Cranston (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Hanson + Bryan Cranston (Carolla Classics) – Episode Summary

Release Date: March 2, 2025

The episode "Hanson + Bryan Cranston (Carolla Classics)" from The Adam Carolla Show delves into a blend of nostalgic highlights, engaging interviews, and Adam’s signature comedic commentary. Featuring discussions with the band Hanson and acclaimed actor Bryan Cranston, the episode navigates through personal anecdotes, pop culture critiques, and insightful conversations about the entertainment industry.

---

1. Introduction and Podcast Promotions

[00:00 – 01:23]
Adam Carolla opens the episode as "Giovanni," introducing Carolla Classics, a companion podcast featuring ad-free archival content from sixteen years of The Adam Carolla Show. Bryan Cranston joins in to promote additional platforms and encourages listeners to request their favorite clips.

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: "This is a podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show."
[00:00]

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2. Midterm Elections and Political Satire

[03:35 – 08:42]
The conversation shifts to political commentary, focusing on Christine O'Donnell's surprising victory in Delaware backed by the Tea Party and supported by Sarah Palin. Adam humorously critiques the Tea Party's leadership, musing, "the Tea Party guys sort of spearheaded by Dick Armey and could have easily been called an army of dicks."
[04:28]

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3. Sexuality and Religious Views

[08:42 – 12:08]
Teresa Stroster and Adam engage in a comedic yet critical discussion about masturbation from a religious standpoint. Teresa presents a traditional viewpoint condemning the act, while Adam rebuffs with humor, stating, "the best way for me not to walk around with lust in my heart is to squeeze one out before I leave the house."
[10:35]

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4. Sports Reporter Inez Sands and Appearance Critiques

[12:08 – 22:58]
The focus moves to Inez Sands, a sports reporter for the Mexican TV network Azteca, who faces verbal harassment from male athletes. Adam and Teresa critique the sexualization of female reporters, with Adam likening Sands to an "honorary Kardashian" and humorously addressing her fashion choices that provoke unwanted attention.
[16:22]

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: "She's like an honorary Kardashian."
[22:58]

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5. Hanson’s Career and Music Industry Insights

[22:58 – 57:56]
Hanson discusses their musical journey from Oklahoma to international fame, emphasizing their dedication to authentic artistry and fan connections. They recount challenges in getting signed during the grunge era, their breakthrough with the hit song "MMMBop," and collaborations with Motown legends. Bryan Cranston highlights their work ethic, stating, "Make records you're super proud of and also really sort of own everything."
[31:35]

Notable Quote:
Jordan Rubin (Hanson): "Make records you're super proud of and also really sort of own everything."
[31:35]

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6. Book Publishing and Advertising

[57:56 – 84:09]
The band members share insights into their book projects and upcoming tours, promoting their latest album "Shout It Out." They discuss the evolving music industry and the importance of maintaining creative control. Additionally, promotions for Pinnacle College's video game sound design and recording engineering programs are interwoven into the conversation.
[53:28]

Notable Quote:
Jordan Rubin: "We've spent the last 10 years really doing just... Making records you're super proud of and also really sort of own everything."
[57:56]

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7. Acting and Career Success with Bryan Cranston

[84:09 – 251:33]
In an extensive segment, Bryan Cranston reflects on his illustrious acting career, particularly his role as Walter White in Breaking Bad. The discussion touches upon the serendipitous nature of career breakthroughs, the significance of authenticity in acting, and the pressures of fame. Cranston shares anecdotes about auditioning, working with Vince Gilligan, and handling on-set challenges without compromising his integrity.

Notable Quotes:
Adam Carolla: "You can't make good improv because you can't trust yourself not to make the same joke twice."
[187:54]

Dr. Bruce Cranston: "Once you get lucky enough to get in this position, you really shouldn't do anything where the script is not good, because it will... It won't make you look good."
[195:55]

Adam Carolla: "But when you're in the middle of it, you just don't know, which is weird because if you're playing in a jazz quartet and you're in the middle of it, you know what's going on."
[208:00]

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8. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

[251:33 – End]
The episode concludes with Adam expressing admiration for Bryan Cranston's talent and work ethic. They touch upon the balance between personal life and public persona, the impact of social media, and the nuances of maintaining authenticity amidst fame. Adam humorously critiques the entertainment industry's dynamics, advocating for genuine and quality-driven content.

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: "How much of that has affected your rhyming? I couldn't hurt it. But is there..."
[212:15]

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Overall Highlights:

• Authenticity in Art: Both Hanson and Bryan Cranston emphasize the importance of staying true to one's artistic vision and maintaining creative control despite industry pressures.

• Navigating Fame: Cranston discusses the challenges of coping with fame, setting boundaries, and the importance of genuine interactions over superficial acknowledgments.

• Humorous Social Commentary: Adam and guests provide sharp, unfiltered humor on topics ranging from political satire to the sexualization of women in media, blending comedy with insightful observations.

• Industry Insights: The conversations offer behind-the-scenes perspectives on the music and acting industries, highlighting the significance of perseverance, networking, and seizing fortunate moments.

This episode serves as a rich tapestry of humor, personal stories, and industry wisdom, making it a must-listen for fans seeking both entertainment and enlightenment.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign. Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is a podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics, but the ad free archives exclusively.

[Bryan Cranston]

Available through Adam Corolla [e-mail]. you can also find the ad free.

[Adam Carolla]

Archives from the Adam Carolla Show Adam.

[Bryan Cranston]

And Dr. Drew show, which has been recently relaunched.

[Adam Carolla]

Make sure to check that out and.

[Bryan Cranston]

Adam's brand new podcast, Beat it out, currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com now on to the clips coming up. First, we have Adam Carolla Show 407 featuring Hanson, Teresa Stroster, and Brian Bishop from 2010 Ball. Brian, you feeling good? I just. Just finished my last of my marathon sessions of book on cassette, as I like to call it, Much to the chagrin of the engineer and my producer. Essentially read about half my book and riffed about the other half of it. Half of it, I have no fucking idea. I was miserable. I said, you know what I felt like? Felt like Danny DeVito practicing his pole vault thing for six hours at a time.

[Allison Rosen]

Just reading aloud. Not your thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Just not never. Just the idea of sitting there in a booth and just reading aloud while two people who could read judged. Oof. Yeah. I wish the two people on the other side of the glass were like Mississippi blues men, Dexter Manley and Stevie Wonder. Yeah, I'm sure Wonder reads better than I do, but Dexter Manley would be a good guy to have on the other side of that booth instead of a smart guy. All right. But anyway, it should all come out fine and you can get that. I don't know where the hell you.

[Allison Rosen]

It's probably going to come out the day your book officially comes out, which is October something.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm always torn between doing a great job and getting the fuck out of.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's gonna be the name of my next book. Yeah, yeah. Life doing a great job or getting.

[Allison Rosen]

The fuck out of there and just.

[Adam Carolla]

Say versus getting the fuck out of that. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And you could have like, you know, two boxing gloves or something, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's always one against the other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. In life, it's like the beginning of Rocky when two gloves. Yeah. Explode. Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm picturing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that was four, right? Three or four?

[Bryan Cranston]

I think it was three through six. Yeah, it was definitely four.

[Allison Rosen]

I do love books on tape almost more than anything, especially read by the author.

[Adam Carolla]

They're now audio. They're now audio books.

[Allison Rosen]

They're not on tape. But like I've listened to Krakauer's books rather than read them. I love the way he reads them. He did Into Thin Air and Into the Wild and the Pat Tillman book.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, for me there's. Well, you can tell when I'm reading versus when I'm riffing because you can hear my finger dragging along the page.

[Allison Rosen]

Now you riff meaning like these are extras. Like almost like authors commentary.

[Bryan Cranston]

Here's what I meant.

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I meant. Here's what Mike lynch put down.

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost like. It's almost like you get to some part and you know, it's whatever parking enforcement or some shit I've been bitching about for a hundred years. And instead of just reading two pages verbatim, I just kind of look at it and go, oh, this is that one. And then I just do it. And then we just kind of. You just kind of get through it.

[Allison Rosen]

So the super fans, I think will buy the print version and the audiobook.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be nice. Otherwise you'll lose your title of superfan. All right, Tree, you got some news ready to rock. From the International News center next to Donny's mini bikes, this is the news with Theresa Strasser.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I won't bore you with too many results from the midterm elections, but Christine O'Donnell is the tea Party backed candidate out of Delaware with a surprise victory. Sarah Palin loves her. Sent out a robocall, she got the Republican nomination. Unclear how she'll do in the generals, but now she's a big, big media darling. This morning she went on gma.

[Adam Carolla]

I was thinking, I can't be the first person to make this joke, but the Tea Party guys sort of spearheaded by Dick Armey and could have easily been called an army of dicks.

[Allison Rosen]

Huh? There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Al Franken must have come up with.

[Allison Rosen]

Some Airbnb or somebody, right?

[Adam Carolla]

How about leaving the jokes to Adam?

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, this is. I don't know if you've seen her, but sometimes Sarah Palin herself would have a little bit of difficulty in interviews. And I'm not so sure that this was, you know, necessarily Christine O'Donnell's. Not this, not this one, but a little earlier or earlier. Oh, we can go to this one first. Okay. In this clip, first they, they play George Stephanopoulos plays Karl Rove, who you may know from The Republican Party. Karl Rove hates one of his own, which is to say he's got all these horrible things to say about O'Donnell. He accuses her of not paying her. There's a lot of stuff in the air about her that she didn't pay back her college loans, that she's lied about a lot of things that she sued a conservative think tank for which he used to work.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, you said George Stephanopoulos plays Carl, plays it on his show.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, she could respond.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought you meant like in the role of a lifetime.

[Allison Rosen]

Uncle George Stephanopoulos is we got the wrong clip up. So I'm going to make it work. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

She. Yes, I like to thank my prosthetic supervisor.

[Allison Rosen]

So what you're going to hear is.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll shoot everyone with a shotgun who doesn't clap. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Now what you're going to hear now is the. She's just heard Karl Rove and she's gonna comment on. But I. What I want you to listen for is, you know how we have a couple of magical in our canon?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, sure.

[Allison Rosen]

We've got Conaway, we've got Whoopi Goldberg. Now, I'm not saying she's in a class with them, but I am saying she's sober. So I think when you factor that in, it's pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, all right. Should we listen?

[Allison Rosen]

Take a listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you answer those questions?

[Allison Rosen]

You know what? Yeah, Everything's good, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was a good. That was good.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, now here she is.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? Can I say this because I've just been interviewed by. I got interviewed by a bunch of sports talk radio stations, right?

[Allison Rosen]

About Reggie Bush.

[Adam Carolla]

Just fucking Mike Augustus.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, the hot Mexican Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Mike August will just have me do any fucking interview I have to. If they're. If you're in Portland and I'm coming to Portland and you have a ham radio, August will have me come by your house, you know, 10 minutes before the fucking show or get up at 6am to do it. Always under the heading of it couldn't hurt. Yeah, couldn't hurt you. I'm the one who's fucking sleep deprived and have to do a 90 minute show tonight.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But you talking to these sports guys. And sports guys have a version of that, which is, first off, they get to say. They get to stall by saying their name. Hey, Adam, John here, let me ask you this question. And then they ask the question, right? And they preface everything with I want.

[Allison Rosen]

To ask you a question.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian here, let me ask you this question.

[Bryan Cranston]

And I want you to be real honest with me on this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask you this question. Let me ask. That's their equivalent of people don't realize there are a whole bunch of little phrases like I'm glad you asked me that. And here's how I would answer that question. Which is all the equivalent to. But it's all what we do. We've replaced it with. We've replaced with I'm glad you asked me that question.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Or let me ask you a question. I'm thinking of it as I'm saying I'm going to ask.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Or let me answer that question. I'm thinking of an answer while I'm saying let me answer that or I'm glad you asked me that. But what we don't do is. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a great question. Is one that I think everyone feels good about.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that's Whoopi Goldberg.

[Allison Rosen]

So hers aren't to that level.

[Adam Carolla]

Not at Whoopi level.

[Allison Rosen]

Seeing that she's, you know, a nominee.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Republican nominee in Delaware for Senate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not promising.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not that. It's not the pause. It's the noise. You just don't make the noise. Take a beat.

[Allison Rosen]

Right here she is answering one of George Stephanopoulos questions. We should have another jobs back in Delaware. How we're going to defend the homeland of our security. And got that. She helped to bring it back on track. She's going to defend the homeland of your security. But here's the real problem. You don't understand her background. Okay, I'm not. Let's put politics aside and let's talk about masturbation. Yeah, because it's her enemy.

[Jordan Rubin]

This is a clip.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought you were going to ask me to put masturbation aside and talk politics for a minute.

[Allison Rosen]

No, put politics aside. This is a clip that Rachel Maddow unearthed and a lot of other people from 1996. MTV. This is that same gal.

[Adam Carolla]

MTV.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you say MTV played this as part of one of those, you know, sex in the 90s shows?

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Allison Rosen]

My name is Christine O'Donnell. I am the president and founder of the Salt. The Salt stands for the Savior's alliance.

[Adam Carolla]

For Lifting the Truth.

[Allison Rosen]

We choose sexual purity in our lives. We have God given sexual desires and we need to understand them and preserve them to be used in God's appropriate context. We need to address sexuality with young.

[Adam Carolla]

People and masturbation is part of sexuality. It is important to discuss this from.

[Allison Rosen]

A moral point of view.

[Teresa Strasser]

Masturbation is A selfish act, and it's a lustful one. And we are to walk with pure.

[Adam Carolla]

Hearts, not adulterous, lusting hearts.

[Jordan Rubin]

The Bible is clear in the fact that it says that any sexual act.

[Adam Carolla]

Outside of the realm of marriage is wrong.

[Allison Rosen]

The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so you can't masturbate without lust. The reason that you don't tell them that masturbation is the answer to AIDS and all these other problems that come with sex outside of marriage is because, again, it is not addressing the issue. You're gonna be pleasing each other. And if he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then.

[Adam Carolla]

Why am I in the picture? Good question, Betty. Every damn night. Let me just say this. The best way for me not to walk around with lust in my heart is to squeeze one out before I leave the house. That removes the lust from my heart. Otherwise, you give me a week without squeezing one off. I got a lot of lust in my heart.

[Allison Rosen]

I think her other point was that you need lust in your heart to masturbate, and then you'll be cheating. You'll be committing mental adultery.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I don't need any lust in my heart. I just need a, you know, hotel room and a bottle of Pinot Noir.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't even need. I need very little.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, doesn't take much. As a matter of fact. I can have. I can have rage, anger and angst in my heart. And oftentimes it's better. Really?

[Allison Rosen]

I can have to apathy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I can have emptiness.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't need. I really cannot whine and dag myself.

[Adam Carolla]

My heart and still squish one off. Ashes, Maws. Yeah. Gravel packing peanuts.

[Bryan Cranston]

This song's good for anti masturbation, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

If you got this in your heart, you cannot have lust.

[Adam Carolla]

They should dump this into every prison.

[Allison Rosen]

Suddenly, the prisoners would be raising each other.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember when the same religious nut jobs were pissed off over this song.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Must be nice being just a religious nut job. Used to go around with your cockamamie theories all the time. The Bible says lust and the heart. All right, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't actually really have to read the Bible or the Quran so you can just burn it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me just, like, in terms of, like, torches to carry or, you know. Yeah. Face to mashup. There it goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isaac Hayes and Joan Osborne. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Hansen's nervous. Now they have to chop his.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not gonna beat Isaac Hayes and Joan? No.

[Allison Rosen]

One beats this.

[Adam Carolla]

Osworth.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. I just gotta listen to the rest of the Sunday. I'll wait for Isaac. When he says yeah again I'm gonna die.

[Allison Rosen]

I will wait.

[Adam Carolla]

And all the prophets yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah oh, I can't get enough we have to release it. This got to go up on it.

[Allison Rosen]

Isaac Hayes is keeping.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, why not?

[Teresa Strasser]

I feel like he could contribute to a lot of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. Affirmative. I never noticed there's two. Yeah, me neither.

[Allison Rosen]

I noticed, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we gotta wait. This song's up, right, John? Sometimes. Oh, Jesus. We're still going? All right, I'm gonna start talking, but do not turn this off, because if they do another yassy.

[Allison Rosen]

Ready for that?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, there's a lot of causes that folks try to pick up. Sometimes it's, you know, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, Organ Donators. Raise Awareness or. Let's not have Dogs pick up Neuter. Oh, wait, here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But getting people not to beat off, I feel that's a fucking tough putt. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that is tough. Like I said, we can get people to keep their seatbelts on in the airplane or put their kids in child protective seats or whatever the hell's going on. But not beating off. I feel like that's a real tall order. Start with secondhand smoke and we'll work our way up to not beating off.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I would agree.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta tell you, there was a. There was a year, and there used to be a radio station out here that played all this shit, but somewhere around 94, 95, 96, a couple of Blues Travelers albums, a couple of Sheryl Crow albums, songs like we just heard from Joan Osborne stuff, there's like. There was a good 20 good solid fucking songs just in like this two year piles. This two year little window. And then it was kind of not. Not since so much.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, like 94 was a great year for adult contemporary. You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

There are some good, solid songs out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. It wasn't Beautiful Girls by fucking Sean.

[Allison Rosen]

Keats, by the way. While we're on the subject of masturbation, since Isaac's, you know, up there, does it make you go to hell? I mean, he would know, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes.

[Allison Rosen]

Not definitive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. All right. Keep going, T. Bones.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you've probably heard about Inez Sands. She is the sports reporter for Mexican TV network Azteca. She received an apology from the jets following her complaints about being verbally harassed by players.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shut up.

[Allison Rosen]

And now there's gonna be investigation and sexual sensitivity training is planned.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you see the pic? Well, everyone's seen the picture that she tweeted of herself to show how appropriately dressed she. She really was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

You've seen this. It's from behind.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And I mean it's, it's superb.

[Adam Carolla]

She sounds, look, she stands as if she's presenting, Right? She's actually like in the animal world that is known as presenting. I am sticking my ass out.

[Allison Rosen]

It should be red with feathers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Or baboon ass or something like she's literally presenting. I mean, look, people, we're fucking animals. We really are. We're higher on the food chain. I mean, it's pretty much like you got cockroach over here, dolphins at the top, publicist somewhere, you know, closer to the bottom. But either way we can all just agree there's just sort of. You wouldn't do this like if you just. If this was just the animal kingdom and you're like, well, a beautiful version of the female species sat there and sort of presented herself while a bunch of males fought to see who was going to be the alpha, one of the pride. No one would say anything if one of the alpha males went over and brushed up against it. Right. She got a great ass.

[Allison Rosen]

It really, I mean, it's something else, right, where he don't put on that outfit in the morning thinking, I want to be taken seriously by a bunch of naked guys in a locker room, so I'm gonna wear this.

[Bryan Cranston]

Get that drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And by the way, this isn't the chess club. This is a whole bunch of guys that basically got pushed right through high school, right onto Florida State and never had a grade checked. You know what I mean? I mean, these guys are fucking. These guys are CRO Magnum, all of them.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, sure, they had a choice to act in a more mature and respectful manner. And she also had the choice to not quite wear that because when I heard she was wearing jeans and a shirt, I thought, oh, don't blame her. Then I saw it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and a couple things. These guys are 23 year old millionaires that are just dripping with testosterone. This is not fucking Mike lynch on his lunch break.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry, what's he dripping with? Gina Tay or sometimes some sort of sauce.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the point is this. That's right. Yeah. Hollandaise sauce. The point is these guys are fucking like racehorses. A jus. Yeah, they're, they're, they're Racehorses, they're like beat up. I mean, they're just. They're literally beat up. You've been. I mean, you ever see those fucking circles before the football game? And like, Ray Lewis is in the middle of me, he's like, nobody comes in our house. He starts ripping up grass and throwing shit around. And this guy's are literally. It's. It's like a shark feeding frenzy. And if you go into that, you could get bit and they'll bite their own. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So that is a very testosterone rich, charged up environment. You go in there with your fucking super, super tight pants, and let me say this, you're going on the turf, bitch. Do you need heels? I would argue that putting on five inch heels on soft sod is not a great way to go. Why are you wearing heels, bitch? I'll tell you why. It makes your ass look that much juicier to all the fucking animals that are running around in the field. You know what the fuck you're. Give me that shit. Now here's the deal. You want to go up there and shake your ass, that's fine.

[Allison Rosen]

That's actually a great idea. You get a better interview a lot of times.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why you got the gig.

[Allison Rosen]

Really? You don't think it was her nuanced knowledge of the game?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's like Chris Berman, if Chris Berman had fake tits. Listen, I saw her on those news shows, like the entertainment shows, and on the entertainment show, she was like inappropriately dressed. Like it was weird. Like, you know when they do that thing where they go, look, we know you're a whore, but you were still raped. So when we bring you into court, we have to frump you up a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

So doesn't, you know, of course she's.

[Adam Carolla]

Talking like Mario Lopez wearing a shirt where fake tits are bursting out of it.

[Allison Rosen]

That's her funeral outfit, you know, I mean, relative to the other clothes in her closet.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, so you go there and you present your ass. And again, all right, you're wearing jeans and a T shirt. Why are you wearing heels to go to work? Why are you wearing heels?

[Allison Rosen]

The jeans are not. Not her size. No, she's gorgeous. And she. And I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't got a little bit of a hair lift.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't really.

[Adam Carolla]

But let's just put it this way. If I was with her doggy, I'd focus on the.

[Allison Rosen]

I see.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'd hit her like Sanchez gets under a center, she's beautiful. And I don't, I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't fault her dressing that way, but you can't get upset when people react to it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's. That's the whole thing. You want to dress that way when you go to a club, Fine. You want to dress that way when you go to a football field, there's going to be a couple guys who are going to say something.

[Allison Rosen]

And by the way, it sounded like, yes, they were obnoxious. They shouldn't have acted that way. But I guess she was interviewing a Mexican player because she works for Mexican tv and they were saying, oh, I wish I was Mexican, so she would interview them. It's kind of sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always sweet. Look, you're a pretty girl and you're getting attention and that's why you dress that way. So shut the fuck up. And like I said, what the fuck do you need 5 inch heels for when you're walking around on the ground grass and they're just sinking into the wet sod? No, you do it to make your ass look that much better. You're presenting. Fine. That's why you got the gig. Fine. They're football players. Fine. They love seeing a tight ass. So do I. Just shut up and let's get on with it. And let's not offer apologies. Let's just move forward. See, this is what we need to do. This would be a great time for the members of the jets and the leader and the coach and the owner.

[Allison Rosen]

What's that guy's name from Hard Knocks?

[Bryan Cranston]

Rex Ryan.

[Adam Carolla]

Rex Ryan. To go. You know what? We're not fucking apologizing, cutie. Why don't you put that hot ass on your next flight back to fucking Guadalajara or shut up.

[Allison Rosen]

Instead, we're probably gonna now see her on Dancing with the Stars.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes. You're not welcome on this sideline. Take your cute ass, send us the dumpy guy dressed in the bee outfit. And one more thing. She should be flattered. Her face is a little bit rough. If you ever been around. Been around that side, got a weird. Got that weird thin lip thing going for.

[Allison Rosen]

It's weird that she got the boobs done when she could have so easily, I guess, pumped up the lips, kind.

[Adam Carolla]

Of wondering about that. Wondering if the Latin guys are into that because they're kind of into the hips and boobs. You know, maybe the lips.

[Allison Rosen]

I hadn't even noticed. I feel like a guy because I seriously only could see her so busy.

[Adam Carolla]

Staring at her ass that she couldn't.

[Allison Rosen]

It'S like a heart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. They love that. Especially by the way, the brothers. Come on. You cannot present that in front of the brothers. They go insane. She's. She's like an honorary Kardashian.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, she. I think she. Her ass is a little bit slightly finer than Kim's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, Kim's is just big.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but that was like that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's perfect. Yeah. I'm just saying. Everyone knock it off and get the fuck back to work. And don't show up or show up dressed appropriately. It's the same. Here's the same thing. Here's what it is. Exactly. You can wear super tight jeans and 5 inch heels and a tight form fitting shirt to the football practice. And then when you get a couple of cat calls. Fine. That comes with the cat. That goes along.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Goes with the territory. And you can get a bunch of tattoos and a bunch of piercings and a bunch of shit like that. We're looking at another incredible picture of her ass. You can do all that, but occasionally you're going to have someone stare at you because you have a bar going through your eyebrow and another one going through your nose. Do not be angry when the person stares at you. This is what I don't like. Don't mind that. But when the result comes and you don't like it, shut the fuck up. And I know you wore the tight pants. Of course it's a billboard. You're walking billboard to your beautiful ass. Of course guys stare at your ass. Just like the ass wipe who puts the. Puts the fucking coat hanger through his tongue. Of course we're staring at you, you freak. That's what you wanted. Put on a fucking dress if you don't want us to stare at her ass. And by the way, you want to know a good example of somebody who didn't want us to stare at her ass? Jennifer Love Hewitt. Every picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt has her tits on display in a big old billowy Buddy Holly prom dress hanging right over Peggy Sue's ass. Why? She didn't want us to look at her ass. This one is dying for us to stare at her ass. Thank you. The more you know.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I think I may have the ultimate. Definitely not a Jew. It's been a while since I've seen one.

[Adam Carolla]

This one on the Jet sideline.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that one, yeah. Second to that. There are only a few details to this story, but each one counts when it comes to its excellence as it's definitely not a Jew. South Carolina.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Good woman. And man are in bed. Man gets stabbed with the knife. Why is the knife out? Because the woman's eating pig's feet.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And they were drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

So in the middle of.

[Adam Carolla]

Were the feet still on the pig?

[Allison Rosen]

Just the feet. You know, pig's feet.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, not still attached to the pig?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be exceedingly.

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Just you'd really have to be drunk.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Just the feet.

[Adam Carolla]

And fight you.

[Allison Rosen]

She was him. And there must have been an altercation.

[Adam Carolla]

What's white trash here? Or even black trash here for that matter? Pig's feet or the chicken neck?

[Allison Rosen]

Gosh.

[Adam Carolla]

I think when that one gets really serious.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm taking this really seriously, as if.

[Adam Carolla]

I have the correct answer in my right hand.

[Allison Rosen]

I want to say, because. Can't you buy pig's feet in a jar at the front of the counter? The store?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're pickled.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I'm gonna go with the pig's feet.

[Adam Carolla]

Wider. Trash.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Chicken neck feels just old and Southern. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe you put that in your soup stock.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Same guy could toss it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the same concept of using every part of the animal without wasting it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. That's a white trash move. What about black trash chickens? Chicken neck or pig's feet?

[Allison Rosen]

Just the phrase makes me uncomfortable, so I'm not gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't like black drag?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's white drag.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. I don't know why. It's unequal.

[Adam Carolla]

It's equal. Equal. Isn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

It should be.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see.

[Allison Rosen]

But in my mind.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. People are redneck. Would you eat the redneck?

[Bryan Cranston]

Never heard of chicken neck.

[Adam Carolla]

Never heard of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Old European thing.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah. The pig's feet. I've seen around every once in a while, so I figure those are more social.

[Adam Carolla]

Chicken neck. They'll toss it in there every once in a while if you buy a chicken or something. Never seen it, man. Consider yourself privileged. That's a good sign, by the way, when you don't even know what bad shit is.

[Allison Rosen]

So good. He knows what sushi is.

[Adam Carolla]

Vietnam cleansing.

[Allison Rosen]

Huh.

[Adam Carolla]

I know what, like, pork cleansing is.

[Bryan Cranston]

Armenian genocide. Is that a neighborhood in Glendale?

[Allison Rosen]

I know a girl named Jenna.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Huh.

[Allison Rosen]

Heard of it. Okay, so one Florida story for you since we had a. Definitely not a Jew. Alexander Alcantara of Florida nearly lost his one remaining arm.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa. Alcantara.

[Dawson]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

Ho ho, ho, ho.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a good chance this guy's gonna Jew. He has one arm. And lo and behold, because he's in Florida, he tries to trap an alligator that had been hit in the head with an arrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's like Captain Hook. He got his other arm. Lost my army to a crocodile. Went out with a chicken neck and lost him. And up to my elbow. Yeah, Captain Hook got his foot bit off, man. He got his. He got his hand, but bit off right by the alligator.

[Allison Rosen]

But with his remaining arm, he tried to help this poor alligator and the alligator attacked him and bit him when he called police. Okay, this is a good Samaritan. I mean, you see an alligator in trouble, you've got one arm. Don't you just use your one arm to call 911 or use your two legs to run away? No. He tries to help and what happens? The cops show up and they cite him for possession of an alligator and tell him the animal would have to be euthanized for biting him.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, doesn't that mean you'd have to euthanize every alligator that's ever been born? If it's. You know what I mean? Isn't that what alligators do? You throw them back in the swamp, but you don't blame them for biting. It's like it's not a fucking pet.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that like blaming a New York jet for looking at that lady's ass?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, that's the whole thing. It's like when half the people in your neighborhood own a dog and then one of the dogs bites a baby. Then you have to euthanize the dog because we got a baby biter on our hands. But alligators, you can't keep alligators around your house. They bite everyone. Right? I mean, you don't euthanize the thing for biting the guy. Euthanize him for being out of a swamp.

[Allison Rosen]

This just in. I now know how he lost his other arm. He fell on an electric fence while trying to rescue some baby birds.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you shitting me? Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Poor guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Boy, I do feel like this guy could. Would get laid, though, with that story.

[Allison Rosen]

You think so?

[Adam Carolla]

You know what he probably did?

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably sawed off his own arm and then went to bars and went, hey, you know how I lost this bar? You be the chick I'm trying to pick up. You. Hi, sugar teeth.

[Allison Rosen]

Hi.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hey, you know, I don't know how I lost this arm.

[Allison Rosen]

How?

[Adam Carolla]

Fell on an electric fence. You know what I was trying to do?

[Allison Rosen]

Escape prison.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Rescue some baby birds. How about you start sucking?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See, I know the way ladies work. Baby birds, baby Birds with learning disabilities.

[Allison Rosen]

The chicks had learning disability. They had dyslexia.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Some had autism.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

And you were trying to help them.

[Adam Carolla]

All from third world bird nation.

[Allison Rosen]

Have they lost their mother? They were orphan birds.

[Adam Carolla]

Mother died at birth.

[Bryan Cranston]

They never had a mother.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they don't know what it's like to have a mother. Yeah. You cool, T?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I'm good. That was the news.

[Adam Carolla]

More of Teresa's news coming up. If you don't listen, you're an anti Semite. Let's bring in Isaac, Taylor, and Zach, all known as Hanson. I'll talk about our good friends over at Stitcher. The boys will come in and sit down, get themselves situated, and we'll do a little talk. And by the way, Stitcher Hanson, you guys are cool. You're young, you're hip, you're. Now, you know what? This stitcher.com. it's what you call an app. I don't know if you guys are hip to the app.

[Jordan Rubin]

Apps.

[Adam Carolla]

Apps. Not short for appetizer, just app you put it. Maybe it's application. Put your headphones on, it goes right on your iPhone, your BlackBerry, your Android, and. Or your Palm. No more downloading or syncing or using up all that space and all the trouble. Oh, the drudgery of syncing and downloading. And we'll do a little extra content for you. I think Hanson is going to play a little tune for you that'll be exclusive for our good friends over at stitcher. That's right, stitcher.com. that's stitcher.com. good to see you guys again.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah. Thanks for having us.

[Giovanni]

Thank you very much.

[Jordan Rubin]

Enjoying listening to the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. So what's. What's the schedule like for Hanson these days? How does it work? Like, if you guys. And stop me from putting any words in your mouths.

[Jordan Rubin]

Haven't done it yet. We'll stop you.

[Adam Carolla]

Gone from, like, crazy teen sensation to working touring band. Is that about right?

[Jordan Rubin]

Well, I mean, I think most bands. I mean, it's interesting because even let's say when we first broke, I mean, that nobody can sort of anticipate the kind of. That song. That song was number one in 27 countries. Same time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's one of Adam's favorites. I don't know if you realize that he never shuts up about it.

[Jordan Rubin]

It was blaring in the car when he drove up.

[Adam Carolla]

I do love that song. I just. I love a good, pure pop song. I don't care if my straight. I mean, my buddies make fun of me. You know what I just love?

[Jordan Rubin]

We grew up listening to classic pop music and soul music and rock and roll. That's where we. That's what we always think of is like, okay, does this live up at some level to the kind of stuff?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When you hear Sugar by the Archies or something, you know, you're not changing the world. It's not a Bob Dylan song. It's just. It's just good fun, happy pop.

[Giovanni]

What's funny actually, is that was. That's one of. One of my.

[Adam Carolla]

As a.

[Giovanni]

As a young kid, that particular song is one of my favorite, really. Songs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's nothing and you got me wanting you. And the best part is, did that.

[Jordan Rubin]

Cross over into a little bit gay at that moment?

[Adam Carolla]

Just now? That was gay across over there. A little bit bi. Then it went back together.

[Jordan Rubin]

You were worried about your legs. And then we broke into Sugar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well. And by the way, if you've ever had a crush on a girl or Theresa, a girl, and you've been in love or it's like beginning and you got that song going through your head while you're riding your bicycle when you're 15 or something, it's like nothing, no pain.

[Allison Rosen]

It sounds like how a crush feels.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's just such a pure straight pop song.

[Jordan Rubin]

See, I want to see you do a music video where it's just you in the car, just rocking, just singing.

[Adam Carolla]

By the arching this.

[Jordan Rubin]

But what I was trying to say.

[Adam Carolla]

Either one, you know, was that a.

[Jordan Rubin]

Lot of our, you know, a lot of what we do is really quite the process is the same. I mean, it's like we've lived on tour buses and toured the world and, you know, I mean, we. The. In our second record kind of record company mergers, craziness happened, you know, was not helpful. There were a lot of political things. And then we ended up starting our own record company on our third record.

[Giovanni]

Because the second record ended up ultimately being released by a hip hop label.

[Jordan Rubin]

Which was kind of something about dm, something about Jay Z's record label releasing Hanson Records. It wasn't quite a connection.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

You know, there are many things that you could have. Huge Hansen of being. Hip hop was not necessarily one of those things.

[Jordan Rubin]

But we've spent the last 10 years really doing just. I mean, doing what we feel is what any band should do. Make records you're super proud of and also really sort of own everything, you know, or sort of a cottage.

[Giovanni]

We're controlling.

[Dr. Bruce]

Sure.

[Jordan Rubin]

Whether it's the songs. I mean, writing the Songs controlling the masters are merchandise or website and kind of cultivating a really strong connection with our fans. And so then, you know, it's like anything. Every once in a while you hit sort of cultural. You know, your roller coaster like strikes a chord at the right time.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Jordan Rubin]

A song kind of becomes a little bit more of a hit and then the song gets played on mtv. But in the meantime, you're, you're creating something that is, is this business. It's, it's, it's your ongoing, it's your life, it's your music and, and it's your fan.

[Adam Carolla]

How did it, how did it get started? Where's everyone from?

[Giovanni]

We're all from Oklahoma.

[Jordan Rubin]

Well, the brother thing, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, we got that.

[Giovanni]

Well, technically we didn't mean the womb. We met after the womb.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure, but you were the last one in it, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Hamida. Did people hand you instruments? Was the family musical?

[Giovanni]

Our folks did. Our folks did drama in high school and college. Like our dad is like a CPA that took ballet and stuff like that. Random weird stuff.

[Jordan Rubin]

So it was just a combination. It was, it was very.

[Allison Rosen]

But you know what that made me hear? You probably didn't lose all your money because your dad was a very, very.

[Adam Carolla]

Smart about that and was dancing for his future.

[Jordan Rubin]

He was doing his plies and thinking about dollar signs.

[Giovanni]

Well, we used to joke, our mom actually went to North Texas State as a vocal major and that's actually a really well known music school. And so she's a singer and our dad, we joke, is a frustrated poet. And so somehow or another we ended up being songwriters and singers the way it started.

[Jordan Rubin]

We've told this story many times, but it's essentially we heard, you know, we had it in the jeans. I guess the gene pool was there. But we heard classic rock and roll and there was a compilation of songs from late 50s that we sort of had high exposure to because we spent a year. Our dad at the time worked for an oil contractor that took him to Latin America and we all moved to South America for a year. We basically had this like hyper exposure to this type of music and sort of at that impressionable time in your brain. I was in first grade, I was, you know, six or seven.

[Giovanni]

I was like third grader, I was like nine.

[Jordan Rubin]

He just almost like songwriting began to be in like hammered into our head.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a little bit, a little bit of being out on an island. Meaning, because you hear a lot of artists, they'll go, what happened? Well, I got this afflicted with spina bifida when I was nine. So I had to stay in bed for a whole year. And all I had was this harmonica.

[Jordan Rubin]

You know, Whereas that's what John Popper says. He's, you know, if you have 10 years to sit in your basement and play harmonica.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See, I grew up in North Hollywood. We never moved. So I was like. I wasn't gonna sit around and practice anything because the sun was shining and had all my English speaking friends running around. It was always a basketball game going on or something like that. But you guys felt a little isolated.

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

At that time.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What songs, by the way, were on? The classic 50s, rare.

[Giovanni]

Johnny be Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

Summertime Blues. Rockin Robin.

[Adam Carolla]

Good God. I was gonna say Rockin Robin is a great pop song. Yeah. Well.

[Jordan Rubin]

And Splish Splashes to me when it's still.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The Big Bopper. Yeah. It was on the plane with. Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Bobby Darren.

[Jordan Rubin]

That was Bobby Darren.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Big Bopper was hello, Baby.

[Giovanni]

That was also on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hello, Baby.

[Allison Rosen]

So you're in Latin America with nothing but those songs. Yeah, pretty much from American culture.

[Jordan Rubin]

Again, that was like this strange, like you said. It's one of those things that you could never have said, like, what's gonna happen?

[Giovanni]

It was kind of like spina bifida.

[Allison Rosen]

You incubate.

[Jordan Rubin]

All you could watch was Frasier. You'd end up with a good vocabulary. All there was was reruns. There was Reruns of MacGyver and Miami Vice and like a French show called hello, hello, which is amazing.

[Giovanni]

But actually it's an English show or an English show about a friend, about the French.

[Jordan Rubin]

And then we had that tape. And so we were. I was in first grade, you know, and so we just.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Jordan Rubin]

I remember hearing music and just harmonizing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what else we got? We got Rock and Robin, which is a great pop song, which is. I. You know, if you look at the early Jacksons, I think they sung.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Well, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

They did a great.

[Giovanni]

Well, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this a coaster? No, no, it's. No, it's. It's. The Coasters are Get A Job and Charlie Brown and Poison. Yeah. They're on an early record, sung about calamine lotion.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

Which now, actually that could come back.

[Giovanni]

The state of music industry right now.

[Adam Carolla]

There's always thing that's funny about or sort of sad and weird about, like, the Coasters. If you go to, like, Laughlin, it's like the Coasters appearing on stage tonight. There's like five black guys, average age 24. And you're like, huh?

[Jordan Rubin]

It's like the temptation is the same way. It's like the accent line around the coaster.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Jordan Rubin]

The rest of the coaster is already even broken.

[Allison Rosen]

What if that had happened to Hanson? That was one of you. And then some other part.

[Jordan Rubin]

We want to kind of franchise the brand.

[Giovanni]

We're licensing the brand. We're trying to find a couple of young kids with long hair.

[Jordan Rubin]

It's really a lost start, franchising of band names. I mean, we could be playing in every city in America simultaneously.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, like the Pussycat Dolls.

[Jordan Rubin]

Exactly. But I don't think just playing. Do they play even?

[Adam Carolla]

They just kind of Hanson now. They lip sync and dance, man.

[Jordan Rubin]

Oh, your other Hanson bands to really present Shimmer.

[Allison Rosen]

I think they sing.

[Adam Carolla]

They're supposed to sing, but who cares anymore? I can't even figure out, you know what. There's this weird nationality that didn't exist when I was a kid, which is. We had black, white, Mexican when I was a kid. And then there's Asian. And now there's this in between nationality. And you go, is she Hawaiian? Seems too thin. Like you don't know what the hell's going on. What's with all these chicks? It's like their hair is straight, but their skin is dark, but they're not black. Is that what happened?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, what happened? That's what happened to Nicole Scherzinger.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Is she all right? She's pretty. She's got a great voice.

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone's white there.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Jordan Rubin]

We have 40 different Indian nations. That's kind of a last risk. You know, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

All of the.

[Jordan Rubin]

All the Indian tribes came to Oklahoma.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah, we've got.

[Jordan Rubin]

And then there's a. There's a large Hispanic population. And yeah, thankfully, you know, we don't have. And then there's a lot of reds because we don't have a. And us a border.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you. Did you come. So they come back to Oklahoma and is that when.

[Jordan Rubin]

Well, I mean, this is super, super early. I mean, pretty quickly we. We started harmonizing. Zach was so young. I mean, your brother. So you can sort of. It's different than forming a band in your teens when you're like, I want to be in a rock band. So we just started harmonizing together. And then people would sort of say, wow, that's great. And you'd sing for a couple. You'd sing for the cousins, and then you'd sing.

[Giovanni]

Well, you wind up at grandma's house, and she's real proud, and she's like, oh, boy, Sing a song for my friends.

[Jordan Rubin]

And so you start doing that. And then at some. I mean, still super early, there was an arts festival in Oklahoma, in Tulsa, and they had sort of a community stage where you could go audition to kind of get your slots, right? And we, you know, we went and we did it, and the three of us sang 1950s covers and some songs that we had written. We, you know, had written songs that were sort of. It sounded strangely like 1950s covers. They were songs that were. They were clearly directly influenced by that period.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you remember the names of any of them?

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah, there's. There's a song called Rain, which is Rain Falling down out of my eyes.

[Giovanni]

And I'm wondering why you had to say goodbye Leave me, baby all alone.

[Jordan Rubin]

In my life it's about an octave lower than it was.

[Giovanni]

Well, that was particularly low for that song.

[Jordan Rubin]

And there was a song. There were songs about, you know, our siblings, because we, you know, we have some other siblings and our three oldest of seven kids. And I mean. And, you know, it's just one of those things that once we did a gig, we basically, we got another gig every time we did a gig, right? And then 300 of them later, we did. And so then we, you know, pretty quickly it was like, wow, people like this. And you start to get your chest puffed up because you look at musicians that you admire. And then at some point, I remember thinking, okay, I'm a huge fan of Michael Jackson and the Beach Boys and Elvis and stuff, but we can do this. We're as good. I mean, you don't think you're Elvis or whatever, but you're like, we can do this. So then you start to get real serious about it. And we began making.

[Giovanni]

I remember after we did. We did a show. We did a show, and we got a standing ovation. And I remember immediately after that, looking at our mom as we were driving in the car from the gig, and I said to our mom, mom, we got to make a. We got to make a record.

[Jordan Rubin]

Because at that point, you. We were probably like, 12.

[Allison Rosen]

And how old is Zach at that point? Just a little.

[Jordan Rubin]

Let's just be honest. For the first couple years, Zach was like. Zach was being dragged along. For the first couple years, it was kind of like, if you play this gig, you'll get a new GI Joe. But he could harmonize. That's what's amazing. And it was sort of like just one of those. It's either there or it's not. And then you try and you kind of work on the craft. But we actually made three sort of indie records. Two of which were like fully printed and like artwork that we sold. The others were dubbed before we were actually signed. You know, we played for, we played five years.

[Adam Carolla]

And how did you get discovered and signed?

[Jordan Rubin]

We, at some point along the way, it was about four years into being banned. We met a young attorney who said, I want to be your manager.

[Giovanni]

Buskin on the streets at south by Southwest. South by Southwest.

[Adam Carolla]

So he was just, he was just, he hit, he just got actually Dave.

[Jordan Rubin]

Matthews, one of Dave Matthews attorneys. And originally. And he was there, he was like a young kind of bright eyed guy from Richmond and was basically the only guys that didn't just look at us and be like, you're freaks, you know, what are you doing here?

[Giovanni]

He was like, what are these little kids doing here? Singing harmonies with the little backing things.

[Jordan Rubin]

And so we, you know, we just kind of, you know, in our confident, you know, self confidence, blind self confidence, said, we're Hanson, we're a band. You know, we write some songs, here's some of our records, sang them for him and then he ended up quitting his job and becoming our manager and sort of saying, I'm going to help get you signed. Moved to LA and just went scorched earth like, we're gonna get signed. Everybody turned us down. I mean, over and over and over. This is the grunge era, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S like, oh sure, what year are we talking about?

[Jordan Rubin]

It's like 95, 94, 95, 94, 95. I mean, everybody's like, what the heck? You guys, Jackson 5ish, but your long blonde hair and you're from Oklahoma and you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Giovanni]

And then also at the same time too, we were writing songs and getting friends of ours who were better musicians than we were to make tracks for us to sing the songs live. And then we became a band. And so we would go from singing stuff to backing tape at the beginning of our show playing, you know, as a three piece band and then singing a couple songs to a backing tape because that was the way the song.

[Jordan Rubin]

So the record labels, I mean, all the huge guys that are still big leagues now, you know, we had, we had, you know, mca. We had to sit down with them. You know, lots of big labels all turned us down. And then one A and R guy, this sort of got, you know, was like the third person at Mercury to get it sort of was told by the president of the label at Mercury at the time, look, go see these Kids play and it was this crappy gig that we had in. It was one of those things.

[Adam Carolla]

Chuck E. Cheese.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah, it was Chuck E. Cheese. It could have been that bad.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was more like Zach was in the ball pit with his drum kit.

[Allison Rosen]

They had to bail him out.

[Adam Carolla]

It would have done better than him never left unpacking. Skeeball, dude.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah, exactly. Zach running in with, you know, a pile of tickets from. But it was worse than that because it was more like. It was the Watch Paint Dry show, you know, where everybody there, like if we'd walk out with. If we'd walked out with. With tracks of us playing in Garth Brooks cover, we would have been a huge hit. But we did. Which the, you know, the six year old that went on before us did do terribly and was a huge hit. We ended up being seen by that. This A and R guy came Steve Greenberg, who was continue to have relationship with over years and you know, he saw us playing on the back of this, you know, tractor trailer stage full that stage and you know, ended up getting signed by Mercury and went to make a record the following summer. So.

[Adam Carolla]

And then. And then Hanson Mania hit when after.

[Giovanni]

The next year, next year we made the record in 96 and it released early into 97. And so as that. As that year went on, spring of 97 was when Umbap was really released.

[Jordan Rubin]

The thing that's interesting is I really think that we.

[Giovanni]

The.

[Jordan Rubin]

The sort of blind confidence is a good, you know, phrase for us at the time because we really never got into this to be like successful as kids particularly, you know, we were just.

[Giovanni]

That's before. That's our friends singing at a friend's wedding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

Like, you know, as little kids we didn't get into this thinking like, you know, we're really cute right now. We could really make a buck. You know, we just were so young and we could do it and we were really ambitious and. And so I think really ambitious. That record coming out, it was one of those, you know, it was a timing thing was that hopefully it's about the music, I think. Hopefully art, you know, in time. That's always what it's about is that the songs survive and the music survives. But you know, it was so in contrast to everything else was going on. I think that was part of sort of the, you know, whoa. The snap, you know, that came with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there any one of those be careful what you wish for moments? I mean, you know, while your van was being overturned by Asian teenagers or something.

[Giovanni]

We did have a Few circumstances like that. Actually, you know what was weird though? Yeah. Indonesian in particular. One of the. It's actually funny though because we had an unusual set of circumstances too leading up to that record being released. Because we figured out early on one that the girls reacted. And what we ended up doing was doing elementary, middle and high school performances.

[Jordan Rubin]

Like when we were still doing local gigs, assemblies, A principal was like, you guys should come play our school. We did one. We're like, oh, great, okay, this is good.

[Giovanni]

And it turns out, gig. And it turns out that we get.

[Adam Carolla]

To stand on stage, say don't do.

[Jordan Rubin]

Drugs, buy our cd.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Giovanni]

It was stuff like that. And then all of a sudden, in particular, girls were reacting.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Giovanni]

And so you have the early, you have the early reaction.

[Adam Carolla]

They give you 80% of the auditorium door. It's a 2 milk minimum. They get all the money from the sweet.

[Allison Rosen]

The real money is the juice box.

[Adam Carolla]

The chocolate milk and the juice boxes. So they're happy just to put asses and seats at those auditoriums.

[Allison Rosen]

You guys started out, of course, adorable, but you've all grown into really good looking men.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what happens, you know what normally, you know what normally happens? Normally happens is what happens to Clint Howard. Now listen, you got to find a picture of Clint Howard circa Gentle Ben and then a picture of Clint Howard today. And, and, and by the way, you can do Johnny Whitaker while, while you're at it, circa Family Fair. Okay, this is Clint Howard. This, he was in Gentle Bend. That's Ron Howard's. Ron Howard's younger brother was a toe headed little kid.

[Jordan Rubin]

And adorable.

[Adam Carolla]

He was adorable. Adorable little kid who turned into this monster.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, the guy played Kelly Leak in the Bad News Bears.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but no, he was always an animal. What he was, he was a greasy monster. And Bad News Bears. Look, you're never gonna do better than Clint Howard. And I was funny. I have a. You know Jimmy's cousin Sal, his son looks like Clint Howard. Cirque. But when Clint Howard was 3. And every time I say your son looks like Clint Howard, it's like I'm gonna punch you, dude. I mean, no, like the old Clint Howard like when he was. All right, that's pretty good. But now you gotta find Johnny Whitaker from Family One upper.

[Allison Rosen]

Like I said before, and because we.

[Adam Carolla]

Think of you guys, you guys all turn out handsome.

[Allison Rosen]

Exceedingly handsome. I'm not just regular because our band's.

[Jordan Rubin]

Name is confusingly similar to handsome.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

That you had to. It's so close.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so Close.

[Giovanni]

Because we actually used to get that South American.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here's Johnny Whitaker. All right.

[Jordan Rubin]

Okay, this is. Now it's just starting to be like Roman color.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel really bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Me too.

[Giovanni]

I'm making you feel bad.

[Allison Rosen]

I always think of you as young because that's how we were introduced to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

So it's weird to see with wedding rings and I think some of you have kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's got kids. Oh, my God, are we old?

[Giovanni]

I have one.

[Adam Carolla]

I do.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God, you have one too.

[Adam Carolla]

Congratulations. You know what you need to do? You need to go. Everyone you meet, you go, hi, I'm Zach, the drummer from Hanson and I have kids. Man, are you old.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like you just go, hold. Wait a minute. I was like 30 and living with Ralph and La Crescenta.

[Allison Rosen]

When you were 8, you had a.

[Adam Carolla]

Diaper on while you're playing the drum.

[Allison Rosen]

Kid, you know what I was just thinking? If I didn't have a kid right now, I have a one year old, but if I didn't, I couldn't feel more spinstery than if the young. He's got a two and a half year old and he's the youngest one.

[Jordan Rubin]

I'm everything. Because that's, that's actually about a year.

[Adam Carolla]

And a half old.

[Jordan Rubin]

That was in People magazine a couple last year. I have four kids.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh my gosh, how many do you have?

[Jordan Rubin]

Isn't that crazy?

[Adam Carolla]

I have two.

[Giovanni]

I have two boys, a two year old and a three year old.

[Jordan Rubin]

I just don't think that even from our perspective, I think you have your life, you have your kids, you're either dad. It's almost like a different head, a different. You see yourself in that role, but if you really step back from it and you go, gosh, this is the fact that we all, between us, we have seven kids.

[Allison Rosen]

And everybody's telling us this, but are they musical? Do they harmonize? I know they're little.

[Jordan Rubin]

I mean, there's definitely music. I mean, I know at my house and they. I mean, mine are the oldest. My oldest is almost 8, believe it or not. I mean, and there's definitely music. I mean, I. It's kind of a scary thing of, you know, you don't ever want your kids to go into your profession because you know all the pitfalls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

You know, you're sort of like, if they do, if they become a doctor, you can't feel every, every pain they go through.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

You know, but in a way, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Be a little bit of a tour guide. You be their Sherpa.

[Giovanni]

Oh, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

To navigate this horrible world, but it's a tricky. We welcome.

[Giovanni]

The other joke we've had is, you know what we could do is we could get them. We could train them in stuff like, you know, cello, you know, and like, saxophone, horn, you know, now you got, like.

[Jordan Rubin]

You're playing into everything.

[Allison Rosen]

Musicians cost money, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly.

[Giovanni]

They're indentured servants because kids are slave labor.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Wait a second. Speaking of. Speaking of labor, you guys want to play something? Sure. I got you all set up here.

[Allison Rosen]

I was surprised to hear they have four younger siblings.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, I didn't.

[Giovanni]

We do have four young.

[Jordan Rubin]

It's just shocking. No, we're not Mormons. We're not Catholic either. Our parents just really love each other. Stop right there.

[Dawson]

Right?

[Giovanni]

Yes. That gets really awkward really fast.

[Jordan Rubin]

So, yeah, I guess we'll play that. This has been first single from the new album. And yeah, goes like this. I'll think about something you've been out.

[Adam Carolla]

This been thinking about something I've been thinking about something other than you think I was always beautiful whenever I'm not sticking situate you won't find me crying I do it cuz I've been thinking about something I've been thinking about something I believe something other than you hey, hey.

[Jordan Rubin]

You didn't have to do what.

[Adam Carolla]

You did Think of it ending like this Love I've got in not something.

[Jordan Rubin]

Other than you you know it's sad to say but baby, I will be.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been thinking about something I've been thinking of something other than you say hey, hey I tried too much through the lonely night come on, come yeah, you been out there fooling I'm not thinking about you I've been getting the.

[Jordan Rubin]

Love that moves me you've been getting.

[Adam Carolla]

Around now you've been out there fooling I'm not being about. Am I on? Yeah. Let's get it out there. Shout it out now on Amazon and itunes and retailers everywhere. Hanson. You guys, man, that sounded great. Beautiful. Great harmony, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I love listening to them harmonize. They've been doing it their whole lives.

[Jordan Rubin]

Let's go back to the old school thing like you were talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And your piano playing is phenomenal.

[Jordan Rubin]

Oh, thanks. Yeah, it's easy to distract.

[Giovanni]

Zach's like, what about my drum?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Apple drum box. Unbelievable.

[Jordan Rubin]

He loves. He loves smacking his cajon.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys want to sit back down? We'll do a little news, bring it home, and then for the stitcher X extra, Content. I guess we'll play another handsome.

[Jordan Rubin]

We're at your disposal just for a little bit longer.

[Adam Carolla]

Just a little. Now the rest of the news.

[Allison Rosen]

I know that really.

[Adam Carolla]

Are your other four siblings boys? Girls?

[Giovanni]

There are three girls and another boy.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you ever met the Jonas Brothers?

[Giovanni]

We've actually almost crossed paths.

[Jordan Rubin]

Crossed barely crossed paths. It's kind of an odd thing because they've. They've reached out to us a few different times but there's this. I don't know if they're nervous to meet us because we've never.

[Allison Rosen]

I've never looked up to you.

[Jordan Rubin]

Well it's a weird thing because they've actually reached out to us in several different scenarios and then kind of it's like woo, not happened. And we're like hey, that's great. Let's love to meet you. Why not?

[Adam Carolla]

You know Handsome.

[Bryan Cranston]

Big time to.

[Jordan Rubin]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You big timed them.

[Jordan Rubin]

We didn't do anything. It's just one of those. It's actually several different times.

[Giovanni]

Like Kevin and we met Kevin's wife at the last New York show. The last New York show was like a few months before they got hitched.

[Jordan Rubin]

These treaties, you know. First you send the Secretary of State and the president kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Jordan Rubin]

Anyway, they seem like nice guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm guessing I'm just doing some sort of age math. They were probably in those very formative years digging what you three were doing when those three were getting their shit.

[Jordan Rubin]

Together because they're just. They're not seeing. They were a lot older than we were when they. When they broke.

[Dawson]

Whatever.

[Jordan Rubin]

They're just a few years younger than we are.

[Dawson]

Sort of like.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

I think they're just. What maybe I think is Kevin a couple years younger than you?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like they're.

[Giovanni]

He's like 22, 23 somewhere there.

[Jordan Rubin]

Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the only group that broke younger than you guys was the Zygotes.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah. It's hard to. Michael Jackson actually did because Zach is the youngest Grammy nominated songwriter but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really?

[Jordan Rubin]

Not the youngest Grammy nominated performer.

[Adam Carolla]

Second trimester in the Zygotes. I think. Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Michael Jackson was something like a month or.

[Adam Carolla]

A month. I beat you by a month.

[Jordan Rubin]

But you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

By a month because was it.

[Jordan Rubin]

We're splitting hairs here. But odds are I'll outlive him.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Dark. The dark. It's unexpected.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what did he. Well, what was. I'm trying to think of what he's. He did. I don't know. ABC or. I want you back or something like that.

[Jordan Rubin]

The question.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that was their first single.

[Dawson]

I want you back.

[Adam Carolla]

Love that song. Such a good pop song. Such a good song.

[Jordan Rubin]

But you know, those. Those records are so deceptively complicated. The arrangements are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Really, really great. Those Motown guys I know there was just so layered and was so, so amazing. But. Yeah, but something like I Want yout Back is just. Is just great. ABC is great. And there's. What other one?

[Giovanni]

I think they're in the record books, if I remember correctly. It's something like one of the only.

[Adam Carolla]

Bands the love you say that's a great, great episode. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

You actually.

[Jordan Rubin]

How many more like classic can we break into?

[Adam Carolla]

If you guys could break into Tears of a Clown, that's another great, great.

[Giovanni]

No, I don't know that one. My heart.

[Jordan Rubin]

How does it start?

[Adam Carolla]

I always do, do, do. It's got an oboe and it.

[Jordan Rubin]

See, I always want to.

[Adam Carolla]

And then it's got a great baseline. Oh yeah. Smokey rhymes.

[Jordan Rubin]

See, I always want. Whenever I hear Tears of the Clown.

[Dawson]

Have this weird brain thing where I.

[Jordan Rubin]

Always want to sing.

[Adam Carolla]

Take a good look at my. It's great. Turn it up. Let's hear some smoking. That's a great bass on. Great lyric too. He wrote it, right? Yeah. Leave it on.

[Dawson]

We got to keep showing.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you can hear. But if you listen. You listen to the arrangements. Turn it up. Now you can hear the tries. An oppo back there, right?

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah. Well, that's a lot of orchestral mixing. Stuff going on with the early Beats boys and stuff that.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, no, absolutely. In a lot of ways it's part.

[Jordan Rubin]

Of lost elements in a lot of modern music. Well, and. And that's a lot of Phil Spector's influence records. Like he was a Wallace.

[Adam Carolla]

Sad. Did he ever land on the street?

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah, he had a few skeletons in the closet.

[Dawson]

Literally.

[Adam Carolla]

It's definitely. It's one of the things that the sort of. Between the economy and the synthesizer, we got kind of screwed because it's just never going to be that era again where you just go, look, we need 80 session musicians to come in here. They just won't do it anymore. It's just. It can be done other ways. It's cheaper.

[Jordan Rubin]

It is a strange thing where sort of like the union, the culture of like we're going to get Morpher actually sort of killed the actual musicians culture of just being a cat, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Epic.

[Bryan Cranston]

Part of the song. You guys ever see Standing in the Shadows of Motown, the documentary?

[Jordan Rubin]

Yes. And just because we're in serious old School music talk on this record. One of the great things about this new record was we were able to sort of connect with Motown in a major way. One is we recorded most of the records recorded on what was a Motown console for years, an old neve. But the bass player we brought in at the end was Bob Babbitt, who's one of the only white guys that played in the motel.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he a record?

[Jordan Rubin]

He's a funk brother in that group. Bob is like. I mean, he's James, James. James Jameson and Bob Abbott are the guys. And Bob came in and played about half the record. What an amazing guy. It's so incredible to sit here and talk with him. He talks stories about being in the car with little Stevie Wonder. Stevie jumping up in the driver's seat and driving towards. Straight to the wall until they just about.

[Giovanni]

Just about making everyone crap their pants.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah. And. But he's one of those guys that is like mafiosa combined with a good fella. Combined with Midwestern. Midwestern witness protection program. Yeah. And he's an amazing player and a cool dude.

[Adam Carolla]

The other doc is the Wrecking Crew. Doc, if anyone's ever seen that, which is the guys, I think they work for A and M, but they work for everyone. They're always in the background. So it was all the Rick Charles stuff and Mamas and the Papas and all those hit songs from the days. Like, if you listen to California Dreaming or something, you realize, wait a minute, there were four people in the band and three of them didn't play an instrument. How the hell did they come up with that huge sound? And then you realize, oh, there was a group, and they're called the Wrecking Crew, and they're just a session. Session musicians. They did all those songs. Yeah, every one of them.

[Allison Rosen]

By the way, Motown in the news, because Aretha Franklin's biopic is becoming a movie, and she has Halle Berry in mind to play herself.

[Adam Carolla]

I have Halle Berry in mind to play me. I mean, everyone has Halle Berry in mind.

[Giovanni]

There's only a musician, for God's sake.

[Jordan Rubin]

Probably the only successful musician slash actor out there. Jennifer Hudson is the only person that could.

[Adam Carolla]

Jennifer, you got to pack the back on, baby. I got to do the show.

[Dawson]

Part.

[Giovanni]

She was really slim early on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's a great big fan person.

[Allison Rosen]

She wants Smokey Robinson to be played by Terrence Howard.

[Jordan Rubin]

That makes sense.

[Allison Rosen]

And then she wants her father to be played by Denzel Washington. I'd rather to be played by Blair Underwood.

[Adam Carolla]

Digging deep.

[Jordan Rubin]

Halle Berry plays that. I Am. I don't know. I'm gonna have to do something.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you.

[Giovanni]

I can see facially there are some similarities.

[Adam Carolla]

Not really, no. Here's the deal.

[Jordan Rubin]

Look at Jennifer Hudson.

[Adam Carolla]

Aretha has been big for a while. Because if you take a look at the Blues brothers, which was 30 years ago, and she. 30 years. She was still big gal back, but.

[Jordan Rubin]

She was a medium at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Medium large. Yeah, she was a husky back then.

[Jordan Rubin]

You know, she was big and good. I'm just saying good is a good one.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of. It's kind of weird that she's still around in it. In my own. In my own morbid way.

[Jordan Rubin]

It'S really strange that it's taken this long. Biopic about Zach loves Michael Jackson.

[Adam Carolla]

You wish death. Pun a man a few moments ago. All I'm saying is usually real heavyset women of color don't see 65. You know, I mean, she's. She's been big for a long time.

[Jordan Rubin]

Reminds me, the music video. Our new music video is an ode to the Blues Brothers.

[Allison Rosen]

Where can we see it?

[Jordan Rubin]

I mean, you can see it on. On our website. It's all around the homepage. It's on MySpace. It's on VH. It's on VH1. It's been on VH1.

[Allison Rosen]

We'll talk about the music industry changing. American Idol has partnered with MySpace. They've just started auditioning for the next season.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

You can submit your audition video to MySpace.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this just in. Jack Black slated to play the role of her bosom. Oh, my left bosom. Just the left one. Just the left bosom.

[Allison Rosen]

Who plays the right Bobcat?

[Adam Carolla]

Goldthwaite. Put a little weight back on her. You play the right bosom. That's good casting.

[Allison Rosen]

I think they work well together, though.

[Adam Carolla]

They're in the bra, you never see them.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. But they sort of have to be the same size.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

Thinking about that.

[Adam Carolla]

They need to be able to move together. Who's gonna play her bosom?

[Allison Rosen]

So you say Jack Black.

[Dawson]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Bob Kenno playing Jack Black.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, what if it's more serious? How about Philip Seymour Hoffman as the right bosom?

[Jordan Rubin]

I would go with because he can.

[Giovanni]

Kind of play both.

[Jordan Rubin]

He's really funny. He can probably play both bosom. He can really be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's that good. He's that good. Yeah. He's probably yelling at his agent.

[Jordan Rubin]

Those are two extraordinarily creepy shots of both of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

This is really more of the rapist kind of look going on yeah, it's. Bobcat is actually a lovely man.

[Allison Rosen]

It's interesting. Bobcat.

[Adam Carolla]

Know him well?

[Allison Rosen]

I love. He's directed a couple movies which are dark and brilliant.

[Jordan Rubin]

He is really kind of a surprising guy. I mean, I. We've only met. We met him a couple times.

[Adam Carolla]

Good friend, good guy. Yeah. Love that, Love that. Bobcat. Yeah. We're just putting Bob and Jack. Where arethis? Posed them. I don't think they're. I think Jack would have put on a couple. Get up the nacho libre weight, Jack. See if we can get you in that far off, you know, Jack's yelling at his agent, you know, I only play ass cheeks, Marty.

[Jordan Rubin]

I don't do puzzles.

[Allison Rosen]

If you're a hopeful between 15 and 28, you can submit an audition video 40 seconds in length.

[Giovanni]

40 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

40 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That's all you got?

[Giovanni]

But, you know, all I gotta say is that's.

[Jordan Rubin]

American Idol is not about. Ultimately about talent. It's about the cult of personality.

[Adam Carolla]

But if there was a, you know, if this was 1993.

[Jordan Rubin]

Break it out. Come on, Break it out. I was waiting for you to drop it.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, come on.

[Jordan Rubin]

Living Color.

[Adam Carolla]

Living color. Yeah, but if this was 1993, don't you think a young Hansen could have done 40 seconds worth of rock and Robin?

[Giovanni]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Impress somebody.

[Giovanni]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there you go.

[Allison Rosen]

They would have been on America's Got Talent.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yes, but we never. I mean, they would have been.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's be honest. America doesn't have pubes yet.

[Allison Rosen]

Is this a recovered memorial that's coming? Was there some kind of, like, Dr. Pepper commercial audition?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yes. That's one of the strange things that has gone under the radar for the most part. But we, we want to do a nude Operation Dr. Pepper commercial. Because there's no one on the planet that has a better, like, full circle love of.

[Adam Carolla]

Doctor.

[Jordan Rubin]

Love of Dr. Pepper than everybody drinks it.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. So it should come around.

[Jordan Rubin]

Okay, we're. We're jumping back to Living Color.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

A good song that doesn't get played that much anymore.

[Jordan Rubin]

Great players, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Split through the cracks. The song split through the cracks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that. Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

Basically, Lenny Kravitz, like, took what they were doing and, like, trying to create it. He took. He took that and. And some Jimmy and some Led Zeppelin and then did it.

[Adam Carolla]

And a feather boa. Yeah. I've decided, by the way, you know, like, when I was thinking, why the hell did he remake American Woman? Because that song is horrible. And the. Guess whose Version is a horrible, horrible version of any songs. Like they just keep a go. Well, leave you woman. Bye bye. It's like a nine minute song where at the end, you know, good for me. We get it. You don't like our American. She's having canon. Shut the up. Play that. I'm convinced that Lenny Kravitz picks his songs by how he looks playing them in front of a mirror he doesn't like. He probably tells his agent, I don't, I don't want to hear the song. I want to see what it looks like when I stand in front of a full length mirror and play it.

[Giovanni]

Here's a no. I think he picked it because they said, hey, Lenny, if you cover this song, we'll release it as a single from the Austin Powers movie. I think it was about. I think that's what it was about.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what I hate more.

[Jordan Rubin]

Adam's trying to say something funny. You're trying to see something.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you just crap on Adam's?

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't play guitar.

[Teresa Strasser]

How about leaving the jokes to Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

I just play a tongue in a quick way.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I move on to another story?

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

This is a story about circumcision.

[Jordan Rubin]

Interesting light stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Just something light. Eight days after her son.

[Jordan Rubin]

Man, in here. Just kind of.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry. I know, guys, this is. Well, this is actually becoming a bigger and bigger conversation amongst new parents whether or not to circumcise their sons. I know it's kind of a big decision for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Mine was easy. I didn't want any. I know I've met more than one chick who's weirded out by the foreskin, right? So I said, you know what, he's a Corolla. He's gonna have trouble getting laid as it is. Just when they hear the name, they'll know he's a beat off legacy. And I want this kid to have every chance he can possibly have to get laid.

[Allison Rosen]

So you can expect just because his last name's Carola that he's gonna be able to masturbate as much as you do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I know it's a lot of pressure. It's gonna be tough when the high school girls find out. And all I'm saying is I want this guy to have all the wind at his back that he can possibly have. I don't want him to freak out any chicks with that pre pews. That's all I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, this woman was dead set against her child not being circumcised. She made that very clear. The kid was in the neonatal intensive care unit, eight days old.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and it got done anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. She just wanted to take a shower and change her clothes. When she got back to the hospital, little Mario had been circumcised by mistake. She's now suing the hospital, not for a medical mistake, but for assault and battery on her newborn. She's asking $1 million for the, quote, deformity caused by the circumcision.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm sure the judge who's been cut probably doesn't like the fact that she's calling it a deformity. She's being. Heading to the bathroom.

[Bryan Cranston]

There's only one key question for jury screening.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jordan Rubin]

Would cover things that are actually news like that happens.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure. I mean, there's the point. It's a. It's a perfect crime for her because there's no real victim. I mean, her. Her. Her. Her son will probably be better off for it. And she gets a million bucks because someone's definitely gonna, you know. Exactly. If you slip on a. You know, or spill coffee in your lap at a McDonald's, you can get a million bucks or, you know, they.

[Giovanni]

Have a bumper sticker for that. It's called happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, great. You'd be a good judge.

[Allison Rosen]

The mom.

[Giovanni]

Life of life. Happens. Whatever you want to say.

[Allison Rosen]

The mom is unmarried and Latino. She says she's culturally opposed to circumcision. And the baby's father, who's of Cuban descent, agrees. They are saying from where?

[Adam Carolla]

From jail or Cuba or coffee can. That he's floating home in or. Like what?

[Allison Rosen]

They spoke through an attorney.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

In a prepared release, the hospital said the circumcision was unfortunate. This according to ABC News. And you know, people who are against circumcision, they're called inactivists.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? What?

[Allison Rosen]

That's what they call them instead of activists, because you shouldn't do anything. You should just leave. You should be intact.

[Jordan Rubin]

That's just confusing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, there's a. The biggest drop in circumstances. Circumcision is actually among whites. Statistically, as far as the Latino population, they tend not to circumcise. And that hasn't changed, says Dr. Ari Brown, an Austin, Texas, pediatrician. African Americans are mixed bags.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good gig. What are you, Mexican cock expert? Why? Why? Is there a problem? The Mexican cock. I'll hop on a plane. What do you need to know?

[Giovanni]

Being that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Giovanni]

Can you please drop your pants?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This is my partner. He's a Mexican sack expert. Together we're unstoppable, says the doctor.

[Allison Rosen]

The biggest change is in Caucasians. They do it a bit less now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jordan Rubin]

So they do it less or they're on the.

[Adam Carolla]

So the white population on the decline.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Latins are flatlining and the blacks are flat.

[Allison Rosen]

They said. I don't know what that means, but yeah. So the biggest decline is amongst whitey.

[Adam Carolla]

Does insurance cover that? I mean, I shouldn't say insurance, but what I mean is if you. If you're just. Let's say you have no insurance and you go to the hospital and you go, I'm gonna have my kid. Like, what are you gonna do? I'm throwing my belly on the mercy of the court. And they go, okay, well, we'll deliver your kid. So we deliver your kid. Then you go, oh, now I'd like. It's essentially like you getting a free car wash. And go, now, now I need a wax job. And then going, listen, you're lucky to get the car wash. And it's fine the way it is. Are the circumcisions being handed out and then that would definitely help in to explain the disparity between certain cultures. Obviously poor cultures. If it ain't covered by insurance or you don't have insurance, then is it grottos or not?

[Jordan Rubin]

Are they saying that she wasn't. That she was not paying or that's being assumed by the.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying culturally, you have no money and you go to the county hospital. You go down to county hospital. I will bet you there's some sort of Moyles without Borders.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just gonna say I. I just paid a rabbi 600 bucks, so I don't know. The hospital didn't charge me no tip.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's your kid.

[Allison Rosen]

I did it at all. I did it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they do it at home.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you guys have a stance on it? You have boys?

[Jordan Rubin]

We have boys. I think that's a pretty. Honestly, I'm just gonna not peely catch. We have sort of private penis fans. I don't know. It's something I'd rather not like go into. But I think that there's a lot of debate on it. I think that it should. If somebody. I can imagine how. If somebody did that when you didn't intend it. I can imagine being pretty pretty.

[Giovanni]

I know of a couple.

[Jordan Rubin]

Regardless of whether it's valiant, Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Is very pro circumcision.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, HIV transmission and other STD are medically.

[Jordan Rubin]

Medically, there is no. Their circumcision is cleaner and healthier. The point is, there's a lot of debate.

[Adam Carolla]

It falls under the heading of who cares? And if you want to do it, do it. You know, it's like. It's sort of like pot. The pot debate, the foreskin debate, whatever else. Like, look, that's your into 50, less likely to transmit.

[Jordan Rubin]

I'm gonna not say percentage.

[Giovanni]

That way you don't have to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, smart. All right, T, bring us home with the last story.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, well, the last story from Star magazine. They're once again claiming that Ashton Kutcher has been cheating on his wife, Demi Moore. Earlier this month, Ashton threatened to sue the tabloid over a report that alleged he was seen making out with a girl other than his wife at a Los Angeles restaurant. The latest issue of Starr has an interview with a 21 year old described as a brunette Demi look alike who says she met Ashton at a California bowling alley in July. The woman claims that even though Ashton was there with Demi and some other people, he struck up a conversation with her before he left. He slipped him her phone number and just days later wound up having sex with Ashton on a sofa in the house he shares with Demi. Said the woman, I felt totally comfortable in his arms. It was tender and nice, not some random sex act. Not surprisingly, Kutcher is denying the story. His lawyer talked to another tabloid, US Magazine, and said Star magazine continues to publish lies about Ashton Kutcher and many other celebrities. This is not the first, nor will it be the last time they engage in reckless conduct.

[Adam Carolla]

He punked their marriage.

[Allison Rosen]

You think that's what he did?

[Adam Carolla]

Could have been, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So it's all a joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's weird because his. It's his character. Like, when he does those camera commercials, it's always like, Ashton, single at a cool, swanky Hollywood party. And like, hot chicks, like, ooh, it's Ashton Kutcher. And it's kind of weird. Like, hey, the guy's been married for 10 years. Like, what. Why is. Why is his character James Bond? You know, like, where's his old lady? Like, it's kind of. So he kind of. That's sort of the thing they push out there. Maybe they got a little bit of a deal going on, you know what I'm saying? Now we're seeing a commercial right here. Wow. Love this Internet. But yeah, he's just at every one of these things. He's either at a restaurant or a party and there's a bunch of hot chicks, like, checking him out and he's wandering around and and it's never like there's some 50 year old chick at the bar going, get your ass over here, I'm hitting menopause. I got a hot flash, let's go. Bring around the minivan. No, he's the life of the party. Chicks are checking him out. He's flying solo, right?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, I am.

[Jordan Rubin]

So what does that mean? About what?

[Dawson]

What's, what's the.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, at least this is sort of pushing or they're putting out like tempting fate.

[Dawson]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Demi could have said to him, hey Ashton, you got a ton of dough. I got a ton of dough. I don't like seeing commercials where you run around flirting with 23 year old chick. Especially when I'm 48. Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's, it's cool with her. She's been around, you know, she kind of has that. I think her mom was kind of hippie ish. And she was married to Bruce, Bruce Willis. And they're friends and their kids are friends and Bob, you know, they're friends with Ashton and Uncle Ash and all that. Maybe there is an element of. Listen, you want to hop on a random 21 year old you meet over at the lanes every once in a while, so be it.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the good news for Ashton is that he can take to his Twitter feed and defend himself because as you know, he has what, couple gazillion followers. Are you guys on Twitter?

[Giovanni]

Yes, we are.

[Jordan Rubin]

We are nowhere close to that.

[Allison Rosen]

Not yet, but once this podcast is.

[Adam Carolla]

I went on David Allen Greer's Twitter and he has 8,000 followers and 400 or 4,000 friends. Like literally, he's, he's, he subscribes, he's following 4,000. 4,000. I was like, how many Wayne's brothers can there be? And eight and literally eight years.

[Allison Rosen]

Listen, between Simmons and Damek, that's my whole Twitter feed. That's, I mean, I mean literally.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you look at David Allen Greer here for a second?

[Allison Rosen]

That is bizarre.

[Adam Carolla]

How is he following 4,000 people nobody can follow for. It's like, it's like the old lady that lived in a Twitter shoe. I think he can't take care of all this.

[Giovanni]

Maybe that's kind of one of those. Not totally hip to.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, maybe he just follows everyone.

[Giovanni]

I love, I love him. He's hilarious.

[Allison Rosen]

He is.

[Adam Carolla]

We love him.

[Giovanni]

A real song about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Like to hear Here Goes.

[Jordan Rubin]

Oh, was he really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

Oh, he's great. We have a respectable Twitter following. We have about 40 plus thousand followers.

[Adam Carolla]

But wait, but you're not following 20,000 people.

[Dawson]

Right now we're following like 50.

[Giovanni]

50 or something.

[Jordan Rubin]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That's about the average amount, I'd say. Brian, how many do you follow?

[Dawson]

Much less than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Much less than 4,000. Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Somewhere in the neighborhood doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, T. Should we bring it on home? That was the new the News with Teresa Strasser. Eat a dick, msnbc. All right, Hanson is going to hang out and we'll do a little stitcher extra content. I do believe with them, you guys can play another song. Sure. Absolutely. Awesome. I should also tell you guys that Shout it out is available on Amazon as we speak. Itunes, also music retailer everywhere. And they're going out on tour. They're going on the Shout it Out tour. 2010, September 17th, 18th and 19th. They're going to be in Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco. So working your way down the coast. And you guys can find them@website www.hanson.net Easy. And you can Twitter them at hansonmusic and check out where they're going to be, their new music and their dates and all that stuff. They're good guys. We support them, so you should, too. Also, I should talk about Pinnacle College. That's right. They do video game sound design and recording engineering programs. See, you guys ain't handsome. You probably don't know what you're doing by the age of 6 months. Many of you are young and don't know what you want to do right now. How about instead of putzing around junior college for another five years, you get into something that actually has an end and then a payday in sight. How about you check out our friends over at Pinnacle College? Their graduates have recording engineer programs and they've won Emmys and Grammys and Oscars. And who knows, maybe you can engineer the next Hanson record. Did they say record anymore? Record. We say record.

[Giovanni]

It's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Nine to 12 months is all it takes. Check them out at PinnacleCollege. Edu. That's PinnacleCollege, Eduardo. Or give them a call toll free. 888-590-8824. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Paul, Brian, Isaac, Taylor and Zach, otherwise known as Hansen, of course, Teresa Strasser saying mahalo. And now your Adam Corolla Extra. All right, now for a little stitcher. Extra content as promised with the one and only Hansen. And this is a oldie, but a goodie. A Sam and Dave song called Hold On, I'm Coming.

[Jordan Rubin]

You ever be sad Men on me when times are bad, when the day comes and you're feeling down in a river of trouble.

[Adam Carolla]

You're about to jump. Yeah, hold on, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming. I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming And say, hold on, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming. Reach out, reach out to me for that name, for quick reaction.

[Giovanni]

Don't you ever be tired?

[Adam Carolla]

When a day comes and you're feeling down in a river of trouble? You're about to drown. Yeah, hold on, I'm coming. Oh, no, no. I'm coming. Yeah, coming. That sounded awesome. And by the way, is there a worse name for a band than Sam and Dave? You know what I mean? Like, what should we name ourselves? The Shylights? The Hush Tones? I don't know. Sam. What do you think? Dave. How about Sam and Dave?

[Jordan Rubin]

You know, we don't have much more to say. We didn't branch out very far.

[Adam Carolla]

How long was this argument? How about Dave and Sam? Why has it got to be Sam and Dave? Well, you know, Sam, Dave rolled down and save.

[Jordan Rubin]

That would be a lot more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's where I am talking to Hanson about Sam and Dave.

[Jordan Rubin]

Dam and save would sort of be like political statement here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know.

[Jordan Rubin]

You know, more of a. Exactly. That's true. It'd be more of a. More of a religious group.

[Adam Carolla]

Shout It Out Again is the name of the album. Nice job, you guys. Unbelievable. That was your Adam Carolla extra. All right, that was Hansen in studio with Teresa and Brian from back in 2010. Coming up next, we have Adam Carlos Show 637. Jordan Rubin, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2011. Love it. Check it out, Paul. Brian, you had an announcement.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, an announcement and hopefully a personal favor that I can ask you. But first, we talked about. Allison and I talked about on the Todd Glass show that I hosted. You know, I'm feeling a lot better health wise, doing very well, and life's getting back to normal, you know, for me and Christy. So one of the things that we're finally doing, we are in escrow on a house, and we're about to close escrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Congratulations.

[Bryan Cranston]

Thanks, man. Things are going really well. It's a great house. We love it and we're really excited about it. And I think one of the things I was hoping maybe to ask you if you would do it and maybe one for the show we could videotape it is do like a little inspection, like a little walkthrough. Give him a notepad of things to check off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. No, I will be more than happy to Come in and do that.

[Bryan Cranston]

I'd appreciate that because you always have interesting things. I love the show you did for TLC with the, the home Improvement Show. And you always have interesting things to say about houses.

[Adam Carolla]

I told my wife when I walked, we were walking through the neighborhood a few years ago and I walked into somebody's house and they were stripping the stairs with like a pad sander and they were kicking up a bunch of dust or old paint that had a bunch of lead in it and they had like a two month old kid and stuff. And I said, hey man, don't get this stuff airborne. Use some industrial strength stripper. Use some like Jasko stripper. Paint it on with just a disposable brush. Not that kind. Oh please, we'll get into that in a second and peel it, you know, use a broad knife and whatever. And then I walked out of the house and I said I should charge $2,000 an hour to walk through people's houses and tell them what to do. And she went, you're such a dick.

[Teresa Strasser]

Meanwhile they're like, who is that guy who just walked in here?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, That's. No, no. I find I'm welcome in almost everyone's house. If there's work going on, I will walk right in off the street. I've done it a million times. And just start poking and prodding.

[Bryan Cranston]

Well, before we start making these mistakes, we'd like to have you point out some things.

[Adam Carolla]

Better person other than Ty Pennington perhaps, because that guy is a bonafide builder. Why all the hating than me going through your house? So I'd be more than happy to do that. And speaking of Todd Glass. Todd Glass, who you just mentioned when you were doing the show with him, he was at my house on Friday with Sarah Silverman taking a tour of my house. 4 Just wanted to take a tour of my house. It's odd, it's just, it's odd that you bring up Todd Glass and then you say, could you come over and take a tour of my house? And a guy who's never been to my house before came to my house to take a tour.

[Bryan Cranston]

He looks good.

[Adam Carolla]

He's lost a ton of weight. He looks good. He then got into a, I hope you're sitting down, a Prius. And Sarah Silverman got into the Prius and started it up. I think, yeah, you don't know. You don't know if it's running anymore. Like at least the toaster oven has a red light on it, right? The Prius, nothing. And then proceeded to just back into my car.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, that's awful. And I was like, I was just standing there and I was thinking, sarah, you don't know how to drive your own car. And she said, it's not my car. And I said, whose car is it? He said, it's Todd's car. And Todd's sitting in the passenger seat. And I said, well, why isn't Todd driving? He's like, oh, Todd's a horrible driver. And I thought, you don't wanna know what Todd. But it does.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is gonna sound slightly pejorative or racist or something, but female Jewish comedians, not a lot of them have won the brickyard 500, you know what I mean? Not known for the road racing skills or they're not even oval track folks, hand the keys to your car to Sarah Silverman and say, sweetie, you drive. And evidently she doesn't even know how to drive that car since you drove it in my car. How fucking bad a driver do you have to be? And what goes on with guys these days? Like, I swear to God, I live four miles from the Burbank airport when my wife drives me, drives me to the airport to drop me off to do a gig. I drive and then I get out and we run around the car like a Chinese fire drill. And then I go, I don't even let her drive me. And she's a fine driver. I just can't stand being driven. What is with the dudes?

[Teresa Strasser]

It's like, did Todd hand Sarah his keys and his balls?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he did. Up top. Yeah. What's up with comedian male comedians who do nothing?

[Teresa Strasser]

I wish he had she driven.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. What's up with the male comedians who just go, I do nothing. I do no dude related anything.

[Bryan Cranston]

Number one, it was Todd and Sarah. So chances are probably better than 50.

[Adam Carolla]

50.

[Bryan Cranston]

They were stoned. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say they didn't seem high. But then again, if that is your natural state, then who knows?

[Bryan Cranston]

That's your baseline.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Bryan Cranston]

Number two, how many cars, parked cars have you had backed into or hit? Because I've heard at least two stories.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I don't make contact with others, but others make contact with me. And unfortunately this time, or maybe fortunately, I was just watching it While I.

[Bryan Cranston]

Was smashing you on the phone with Kimmel that one time your car got wrecked.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was completely destroyed. Yeah, that was utterly destroyed. But this was just more of a bump, you know, so it's horrible. Okay, well, it's just funny when the car's parked in front of you, and instead of putting it in drive, you put it in reverse and just bunk. And then I thought, why doesn't she know how to drive her car? And then I thought, no, no, it's. She told me it's his car. He prefers to be driven.

[Teresa Strasser]

How hard is it, though, to drive? I mean, if you don't know how to drive the car, how hard is it to drive the car?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But on the other hand, isn't a Prius just like a golf cart? Like, is that too much car for Todd to drive?

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, either way, I've lost respect for.

[Teresa Strasser]

Everyone in this store.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I will. Except for me in my bumper. I will gladly come to your new home and kick the tires. Also, my book in 50 years wall be Chicks out on paperback. And I mentioned that before. The reason I mention it again is because now I'm getting paid. We're in the black. Finally made money on that damn thing. So if you buy one, I get like a buck 50 a book or something.

[Bryan Cranston]

I hear that's hard to do. Get booked into the black and make money off them.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what the percentage of books. I mean, there's all the ones you've heard of, but it's one of those things. It's sort of like independent films. For every My Big Fat Greek Wedding you've heard of, there's 250,000 films you've never heard of. I would say less than 1 in 10. Just from what I know and just from the people I know. Maybe one in 20. I don't know.

[Bryan Cranston]

Just from anecdotal evidence, people being like, oh, don't write a book for the money. You know what I mean? Like, that's general advice I've got.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I'm in the black, which is flattering. And now I can make. I can make. What I've always wanted to make is that residual check. Always wanted to make one of those. Anyway, it's got a bonus chapter. All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

They say don't write a book for the money. They say don't become a professor for the money. They say don't open a restaurant for the money. What do they say? Do it for the money.

[Adam Carolla]

Suck cock.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I was gonna say prostitution.

[Adam Carolla]

No, literally. My dad and I just spoke.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh. And he was specific that it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Just cock sucking just for the money.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because that I do for the love.

[Adam Carolla]

Of the sport, which, he explained did not make me gay.

[Teresa Strasser]

What does it make you?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, an entrepreneur if it's just for the money, right? Yeah, I know. You do it for the love of the game, though.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, yeah, I have a passion. A passion for it. It's an art to me. And the money, that's just gravy. I would do it even if I didn't get paid. Most of the time I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

And you wanna know what the gravy is?

[Bryan Cranston]

Turkey gravy.

[Adam Carolla]

White turkey gravy. The gravy is gravy. All right, so you do a little news, then we'll bring Dr. Spaz in for a little health beat and all that stuff.

[Teresa Strasser]

I wish it were gravy.

[Adam Carolla]

Live from the International News center, next to Donnie's Mini Bikes, this is the news with Allison Rosen.

[Teresa Strasser]

Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the race for the GOP nomination Sunday, hours after coming in third in the Iowa Ames straw poll. Michele Bachman took first and then Ron Paul. And we have some video of Tim Pawlenty explaining his decision to drop out.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. We needed to get some lift to continue on and to have a pathway forward. That didn't happen. So I'm announcing this morning on your show that I'm going to be ending.

[Gary]

My campaign for president.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm very, very grateful for the people of Iowa, the people of this country who I had a chance to make my case to, and for my supporters and staff and friends who've been so loyal and helpful. I really appreciate all of them. I wish it would have been different, but obviously the pathway forward for me doesn't really exist. And so we're going to end the campaign. What do you think went wrong? You're a popular two term governor from a neighboring state. You had a lot of organization. You had some money at one point. Why couldn't you sell the dog food here? Well, hope it's better than dog food. Thank you, Filet. Why couldn't you sell it? Well, there's a lot of factors that go into a successful campaign. Obviously, we had some success raising money, but we needed to continue that, and Ames was a benchmark for that.

[Jordan Rubin]

And if you didn't do.

[Adam Carolla]

We didn't do well in Ames. We weren't going to have the fuel to keep the car going down the road. But also, there's a lot of other choices in the race. And for me, what I brought forward I thought was a rational.

[Teresa Strasser]

This guy's a snooze fest. No wonder he dropped.

[Adam Carolla]

Why couldn't you get any of your hogs to eat your slop?

[Teresa Strasser]

So they wouldn't call it slop.

[Adam Carolla]

The money. The money. Things bothersome to me that you need.

[Teresa Strasser]

That you have to raise that much to be able to stay in. In the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, because it would seem to weed out more honest people than dishonest people. And then who are you getting the money from? And is that really what it's about, how much money you can raise?

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

And then.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you just spend the second part of every term raising money so you can get elected to a second term? Like, what part bothers me anyway?

[Teresa Strasser]

All right, if you're suggesting that politics is corrupt, then I think you're just too cynical.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know that we need it. I'd like to try four years without a president and see what happened. Ooh, that'd be fine with it.

[Teresa Strasser]

That would be nice.

[Bryan Cranston]

Just plateaued.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You wouldn't know. And, you know, you would rent out the White House for weddings and bar mitzvahs and things like that. You know, prom nights, Things like that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes. Can you imagine the commercial? Okay, so in. It's just a local commercial, but in Brooklyn, there was this commercial that I used to always see where it was this woman with a thick accent talking about, like, the Great hall of Williamsburg, and you can have all your ceremonies there, and I can't do the commercial, but it's fine. Anyway, I wish I can't do Fudgy the Whale, then. No, it will not do it justice. But what I'm saying is the commercials where they would be offering the White House for renting out would be amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just how much money would we save with just. We just take Air Force One and we put it in a hangar for four years. Isn't that several hundred million dollars? Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

There could be more than 100 million. It could be a billion.

[Adam Carolla]

Billion dollars.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. It's a lot of money. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so all we do is mothball Air Force One for four years. There's. There's a billion bucks right there.

[Teresa Strasser]

Let's take that bird out of the sky, then.

[Adam Carolla]

We rent out.

[Teresa Strasser]

We already killed our space program.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and shoot, like, some porn in, like, the Oval Office. Whatever. Whatever. Highest bidder. Let's get our money back. All right. See what happens.

[Teresa Strasser]

Warrant frontman Janie Lane.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope and change, everybody.

[Teresa Strasser]

In a Comfort Inn hotel room in Woodland Hills Thursday night. He was 47. Initial. Initial autopsy results were inconclusive, and toxicology reports are underway. Lane had battled addiction for years. Vodka and prescription pills were found at the death scene. Rich Banks sent Over a tribute.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody, this is. You may wonder why I'm wearing my black Warren shirt tonight. Welcome to Bob's Classy Lady. We got a one time keys at night. Jade, Stage four. Stage four, Jade. Oh, just give me a minute here. Amateur night. It's Monday nights. Come on up, ladies, with your grinning and drop your linen. Hold on, excuse me, Give me a second here. Santana, Stage four. Well, that's. Jade. I'm sorry, I'm just not myself. I'm sorry. Sorry. Here. Santana, Stage three. Just do it, girl. Now put your hands together, show me. Appreciate them. I gotta believe if what's his name, Jenny Lane is here right now, he'd want you all to stand up, make it rain about now. Tell you what, that's the tip of the cap to Janie. Next 20 minutes, half off. All champagne mini bottles only.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's what he wrote up north.

[Adam Carolla]

Such a sweet surprise. And again, our prizes are so cheap here at Bob's Classy Lady. We don't have a champagne room. We have a champagne room. Matter of fact, we've been sued by the region of France. So it's actually sparkling wine room. It's all our lawyers will let us say. All right, everyone light a candle. I stuck it through a paper plate. Here we go.

[Bryan Cranston]

Businessman's line.

[Adam Carolla]

Got a businessman's buffet. Give me a minute.

[Bryan Cranston]

I've been putting that song on my.

[Teresa Strasser]

Ipod for when you're feeling too happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. Nice job, Rich Banks. It's sad. Well, Jesus Christ, when he did that fucking Cherry Pie song, first off, that chick was smoking hot.

[Teresa Strasser]

Bobby Brown. That was her name, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That was her. And now. And by the way, if there was that in 1989, if there was that Bobby Brown and the other Bobby Brown, and it was just on a wheel and it was split right down the middle. And you'd watch that cherry pie video like three times in a row. You just go, fucking spin that wheel.

[Bryan Cranston]

Take my chances.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take my goddamn chances.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's a third Bobby Brown, actually a makeup artist. Bobby Brown.

[Adam Carolla]

Put her on the wheel. Yeah, put him on the wheel.

[Teresa Strasser]

Her.

[Adam Carolla]

Put it on the wheel.

[Teresa Strasser]

Her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, see, he is what, 20 when this thing comes out. I mean, we're talking about like 89 or.

[Teresa Strasser]

I feel like it was even earlier than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Like 87 or something. I mean, he's gotta be 20 something. I mean, early 20s, right? I mean, died at 47. Jesus Christ. He's gotta be like 22, 23 when this thing came out.

[Bryan Cranston]

Is he the Guy that accosted you at the wedding, at Teresa's wedding, or a different guy.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a different warrant guy, who I'm sure is grieving in his own way right now. Either way. All right, I don't want to beat off to a dead guy, so let's move on.

[Teresa Strasser]

Thank you. Because normally you beat off to him in this video. Well, you just don't want to beat off in the presence of a dead guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No one's timing is good enough to just keep it all on Bobby. You know what I'm saying?

[Teresa Strasser]

Plus, they have similar hair, so I have a feeling there's moments where you're like, oh, wait, that was wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he will be missed.

[Teresa Strasser]

I interviewed him, actually. Greg Proops had a game show called Versus, and I interviewed Janie Lane and Grace. Greg Proops on the set of that show.

[Adam Carolla]

Good guy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, he was cool. I just didn't get to know him very well, but it's sad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Classic combo.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Same dude.

[Teresa Strasser]

Proops was the same. Joy Behar married her longtime boyfriend Steve Janowitz in New York Thursday night.

[Adam Carolla]

Comfort in.

[Teresa Strasser]

The two had been together for 29 years. I feel like. Because I generally feel like if people are together for eight or so years or nine, and they haven't gotten married yet, they're not gonna get married. And in fact, if the girl wanted to get married, I would say to her, come on, you guys have been together this long, but 29 years, and now they're getting married?

[Adam Carolla]

That's the. Fuck it. We're gonna be dead in four years marriage.

[Teresa Strasser]

But why is that a popular marriage?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is that up there with the, like, oh, I'm knocked up marriage?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't know. Yeah, it's. It's. It's not a shotgun marriage. It's more of a colostomy bag marriage. But either way, there's that. Fuck it. Where am I going? There's that. I'm not screwing anybody new, and neither are you, Mary.

[Teresa Strasser]

And we haven't been for 26 years.

[Adam Carolla]

And you've done all right on your own basic cable show. You know what I mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

All right. It was a private ceremony. And now. Behar had previously sworn off marriage, even breaking an engagement to Janowitz in 2009. Her marriage comes just two days before CO host Sherri shepherd got hitched in.

[Adam Carolla]

Chicago, literally, to a team. They're pulling her around.

[Teresa Strasser]

A spokesperson for the View.

[Adam Carolla]

She's that big.

[Teresa Strasser]

Rein it in. Get it reigns. Get it bridal. Get it. A spokesperson for The View says Behar will discuss the wedding when the show returns September 6th. I personally can't wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Me neither. Yeah. I cannot wait. This is gonna be great. So Sherry was married, and they both.

[Teresa Strasser]

Have been married before.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I would like to. Sherri Shepherd's a comedian. Does she do stand up? I'd like to squeeze her and see if I could get one drop of funny out of her. Definitely not funny.

[Teresa Strasser]

Would you really literally squeeze her?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to just.

[Teresa Strasser]

And where would you do it?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to put her in one of those Jack O. Lane juicers and just see if I get one drop of funny into my Tumblr.

[Bryan Cranston]

I was gonna say maybe better off, like, goosing her. Giving, like a Pillsbury, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Having her laugh. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Or maybe sticking, like, a maple syrup spigot in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Tapper.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

See if I get a drop of comedy to put on my pancakes. All right. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Five people are dead and 40 more were injured after a stage collapse Saturday night at the Indiana State Fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Definitely not funny. Yeah. What happened?

[Teresa Strasser]

We have a definitely not funny drop, I guess. And this is the first time we're hearing it. I've been on this show for a while. The wind. This was the Indiana State Fair. It happened right before the country band Sugar Lamb was set to perform. The wind. There were high winds, and the wind, like, picked up the stage and lifted it. A reporter in the crowd described it like this. The wind just picked up and the stage just caught, and the roof just caught. And it went up like a sail. And then it crashed forward into the people standing in front. Front. There were people trapped underneath, and everyone was running and screaming.

[Adam Carolla]

Five people dead.

[Teresa Strasser]

Mm. And 40 injured. And it's. There's video of it. I don't know if you want to see it or not. It's pretty grim, but it's.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't need to see it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I got enough to think about. But let me say this. That is one of those act of God kind of things, right? I mean, it's one of those, you know, I don't get too much into that, and I don't believe in God. But if there was one of those. If I was an insurance claim adjuster, I would go ahead and put that under the act of God.

[Bryan Cranston]

But isn't that my first instinct was negligent? Sort of like shoddy? There's gotta be engineering, right? There's gotta be ways to prevent a stage from being caught by wind. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the. Here's the thing. You'd think, here's the thing, it is incredibly powerful. Like, it's such a powerful force, you know, you don't really realize it.

[Bryan Cranston]

What mattress and lanes, dude, what wind is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, the fact that an airplane that weighs hundreds and hundreds of tons, that's carrying M1 Abrams tanks that weigh hundreds of tons, can just lift off the ground are the fact that back in the day before NASCAR put these little aerodynamic flaps on the roof, which is really just funny. It's just a little piano hinge with like a little piece of sheet metal on it. And soon as those cars got backwards, they got launched. And I mean, there's, you know, £3,500 worth of car just right, right into the air, just literally going up. Also, they had that collapse. I don't know if it was Dallas or something a few years ago, the football practice. Football practice.

[Bryan Cranston]

It was Dallas.

[Adam Carolla]

Wind is wildly potent. Like, I mean, I mean, it is an incredible force. And I've been it enough like car races and stuff where people sort of had their little canopies and tents set up and whatever, and a little wind kicks up and I don't care if you got 10 pound sandbags holding the thing down, they just go flying in the air. And so it is a really powerful force. But you never really think about it lifting a stage. You think about it knocking down something that's up, not lifting something that's down. And I'm guessing in the future, just like in F1 racing or NASCAR, whatever it is, just like I said, instead of cars. And I couldn't think of anything more dangerous than being going 185 miles an hour backwards on a NASCAR track and getting thrown into the air 20ft. They figure out ways to interrupt the flow of air. And it's just a little bit of science and power. I mean, they literally took something the size of a record album. I think two of them, but not even that size just put it on the roof. It just sits flat, and when it turns backwards, it lifts up like a flap and the car sits right back down again. It's the weirdest thing ever. It went from 3,500 pounds getting launched in the air to nothing. Just a flap that just sat on the roof. Probably added 50 bucks to the price of every car and no one knew it for years. Show me a picture of that NASCAR flap foil. So the point is, is when we design whether it's NFL, you know, big canopies and FL to practice from or whatever, whatever indoor practice facilities or stages, all that Shit's just gonna have to be done with a CAD design on a computer and all done. Being able to take, you know, gale force wins. And there'll be some little diffuser splitter. Something, something, something. You learn it in the car world where they go minus the front little spoiler, which is like nothing. Little piece of plastic that's three inches, right. It creates X amount of uplift with it on at 150 miles an hour. It creates £3,000 of down pressure. Like immense amounts of pressure one way or the other with just little pieces.

[Teresa Strasser]

Of plastic come from your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that it's all through the. Through the spectrum of cars, but still, you know it.

[Teresa Strasser]

I bet you're handy with a protractor, huh? Yeah, well, yeah. I think these stages need fins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. To me. Yeah. Something anyway. Sad. Show me that fucking nascar. Those are the flaps that go up and again, there's not much to them. And when the car, they don't. I don't think they lift automatically. They just catch air. So they just sit flat when the car's going forward. And then when the car turns backwards, they just flap up and poof. The car sits down immediately. It's a weird thing. And it took somebody 50 years to figure that out. All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Chief Fay gave birth to a baby girl whom she named Penelope Athena. The couple are already parents to a five year old named Alice. Faye said in her memoir, Bossy Pants, she felt guilty raising an only child. She expected it would be the norm in Manhattan. But Alice was the only kid in her craft without siblings.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta tell you this about Tina Fey. A, I'm a fan and B, she's a real deal, you know. You know, I complain a lot about a lot of people and their sort of marginal talent and how much money they're making, all that kind of stuff. Tina Fey, I don't know if you're around. When she did Loveline some years back, you were probably there. You weren't there or you just didn't give a shit.

[Bryan Cranston]

I don't remember. And I'm a fan of her, so I don't think I was there.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it was during your reign. But anyway, sweeter and shit. Nice. Complimentary. Total sweetheart and ball of talent.

[Bryan Cranston]

Did she do the show with another person on the show? Feel like she.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe. I can't. I can't now. I can't remember. But either way, super talented and super funny. God bless her.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, I want to say that we wondered how she got her scar. And I said it was a dog bite. And 8,000 people tweeted me to say, no, it was not a dog bite. A stranger slashed her face when she was a kid playing in the yard. So you can see where I would make that mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. When you were saying dog bite, I was having this feeling like it was something nefarious, that it was weird and scary and dark and everything. But then you said dog bite, and I thought, oh, don't be that guy who goes to the weird, dark place with everything all the time. Like, maybe. Maybe my warped mind just had the weird stranger with the sickle.

[Teresa Strasser]

The grim Reaper had his way with her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. No.

[Adam Carolla]

How much better does sickle become when you put the word pop in front.

[Teresa Strasser]

Of it a million times?

[Adam Carolla]

It is. It is. I don't know anything that gets that much better. You know what I mean? If some guy came at you with a sickle, that'd suck. But he came at you with a Popsicle, that'd be the best day of your life.

[Teresa Strasser]

Came at you with a Popsicle to offer it to you or to, you know, rub it on you. Either way, it'd be better, because if he was, you know, hurting you with Popsicles, you guys better than him.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody tweet me, because I want to figure out what word gets much more benign when you put another word in front of it.

[Bryan Cranston]

Venom and anti. Venom.

[Adam Carolla]

So you have anti.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Then you put venom.

[Bryan Cranston]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And venom. But anti. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

[Bryan Cranston]

It's kind of a cop out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Anti.

[Bryan Cranston]

No, Pop's in a much better option.

[Teresa Strasser]

But she wasn't honest about what happened to her face for a while because she said that it bummed out her parents and she would talk about it. So I'm wondering if she had put out the dog bite story, or it may just be that I was confusing her with someone.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's just dumb. All right, should we take a quick break and bring Dr. Spaz in?

[Teresa Strasser]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Yeah. Oh, boy. I love you guys so much. Thanks for the support. And if you want to keep supporting us, you can keep going to Amazon. We're back up and running with those people, you may have heard. Back to school. Got to get some number two pencils. Maybe number three. Why don't you splurge a little this year?

[Teresa Strasser]

Go nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Treat yourself to number three. Maybe even number four pencil.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, now that's just crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, go sick. You don't go around once. Number three. Number three pencil. And you get on Amazon. Well, go ahead and click through our site. Go click on the Amazon [e-mail] and they'll show us a little love.

[Bryan Cranston]

Stop cheating yourself. Those number twos.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Besides the standardized.

[Adam Carolla]

The negative connotation of the number two pencil. Like that just sounds like. Like how's this pen? That's a number two pen, right? Right. Smells like shit. Number three up some guy's ass. Quick break. Doctor Spaz in with his medical news. Next.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what?

[Teresa Strasser]

You gotta listen to the parent experiment.

[Allison Rosen]

Because we talk about being a mother parent. Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And then we talk about taking care of our shitty ass kids and trying.

[Allison Rosen]

To take them on a goddamn vacation.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and then taking them to camps and their beach.

[Allison Rosen]

I went to feed them every day.

[Adam Carolla]

Play dates.

[Teresa Strasser]

These ass kids and their demands.

[Allison Rosen]

Constantly.

[Adam Carolla]

Every Monday on the parent experiment. Check it. She's my cherry pie Cool drink of water Such a sweet surprise Take so good make a grown man cry Sweet.

[Dawson]

Cherry pie.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a buffet on the bottom of shrimp Bucket on Jesus. Hold on. Give me a second there, Shania Stage. It's Josie. You. Come on, fellas. Put your hands together. Don't forget to tap out. The black guy in the bathroom all day smelling your ass crack every damn night. And again. Let's turn the champagne room into the champagne room. Just this one time. All right.

[Dr. Bruce]

Sorry.

[Gary]

I was touching.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Bruce. What's going on there, baby? Well, where do we have an intro for Bruce? Yeah, let's do it. Ace Broadcasting presents Healthwatch with Dr. Spaz.

[Gary]

It's great to hear that intro makes me feel important. Listen, your wife wanted me to bring a shot of B12 to stick in your ass today. I refused.

[Adam Carolla]

I am dirty.

[Gary]

It's B12. Time with Lynette. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

What's B12?

[Gary]

Vitamin B12 shots are very popular because supposedly they give people energy. And medic. I mean, I've researched it. Medically.

[Adam Carolla]

Gives me energy having people around me not fuck up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, no wonder you're so tired.

[Gary]

Yeah, I've never been in the receiving end of a mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You wanna know how you get energy? Here's the key to energy. Waking up and doing something you want to do for a living.

[Gary]

I should never.

[Adam Carolla]

That's energy.

[Gary]

Yeah, that's true.

[Teresa Strasser]

What if people can't do that? What's another way to get energy?

[Adam Carolla]

Then you got to get a shot in the ass.

[Gary]

There you go.

[Teresa Strasser]

Are you saying you don't think they work?

[Gary]

Well, even more so than placebo. They seem to work. So why. But you can run into problems with it is a water soluble vitamin. But you can get too much of it. So a shot once a month for a while is not going to cause a problem. And if it makes someone feel better. But I don't. I can't say that there's any scientific evidence.

[Adam Carolla]

The best way to. To not get sick is to announce you never get sick.

[Gary]

Or I thought it was the opposite. If you're Jewish and you announce you never get sick, you're going to get sick next day. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Gary]

No.

[Teresa Strasser]

That is how we do it.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The more you know. So Bruce, what's going on here's.

[Gary]

Well, I just got some great stuff here. The size matter. A link has been found between finger and penis size. Now this is a scientific study.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gary]

The way it's done is that you look at the right hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Now it's your right hand even if you're left handed.

[Gary]

This is the way the study was done. And of course I have to tell you how they did this study. It's a ratio between the length of your index finger.

[Adam Carolla]

What part of Japan is this out of? It's always out of Japan because they're obsessed with cocks over there.

[Gary]

This is great. I gotta read you this because it's gonna make you cringe. These were 144 Korean men aged 20 and older. Right?

[Dr. Bruce]

You're close.

[Gary]

I did not talk to them.

[Adam Carolla]

Never out of Africa. Right, but not that. They have a great science department over there. Anyway. Here's this study out of Jamaica. All right. Good one, Bill.

[Gary]

Okay, but listen. Researchers measured the index and ring fingers of each man's right hand and compared the ratio to the length of each man's fully stretched flaccid penis. Parentheses the latter data obtained under anesthesia.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Teresa Strasser]

That seems. Wait a minute.

[Gary]

That's a great study.

[Adam Carolla]

And do you have to be in like the Jim Rose Circus or something to fully.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, it's to stretch out the flaccid member.

[Gary]

Here's it.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a high pain threshold. I'm pretty sure you could hang a 10 pound weight from my flaccid penis without any local anesthetic.

[Gary]

Or a Korean pulling. A Korean doctor pulling.

[Adam Carolla]

You could do a chin up on it before I went for the needle. But I got a little something called grit and adorable cock.

[Teresa Strasser]

Have you ever hung anything from your penis?

[Adam Carolla]

Just ornaments during the holiday season. But I'm festive.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you ever just put some tinsel on it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I hope you Will.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gary]

Here's some math to do when you get home.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it turns out thistle toe for you, bitch. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

The longer I love to trim the dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Gary]

The longer that your ring finger is in relationship to your index finger. So the less the ratio of index over ring finger, the longer your penis.

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, the index is your F finger.

[Gary]

Your second finger, what is that? Second finger? First thumb is first. And then the next one.

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, that's your index. Right.

[Gary]

And then the ring finger, the fourth one. So the longer the ring finger is in comparison to this index finger, the longer your penis is.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, in comparison?

[Gary]

No, it's a ratio. So if this is four inches and this is four.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, shit, man. Well, on my left hand, my index finger is a bit. A bit longer. Yeah.

[Gary]

See this is.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. I've never even looked at this before. On my left hand it's longer. But on my right hand, the one that counts. Yes, it's the fucking same, right?

[Gary]

Oh, that's not good.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the same, right?

[Gary]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

But this one is longer. Yeah.

[Gary]

Well, too bad the study wasn't done with the left hand. Now I'm actually just did it because.

[Adam Carolla]

People are right handed.

[Gary]

Oh, you're left handed.

[Adam Carolla]

I am.

[Gary]

Then it's. You know what, I'll have to make a note of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, check the magazine hand versus the business hand.

[Gary]

We're okay as long as we're not gonna actually now do our own study. I don't want to yanking on anything, but it's interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Korea, huh?

[Gary]

Out of Korea.

[Adam Carolla]

Who could have seen that coming?

[Gary]

They've now on the other hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. What do they mean they actually numb these guys now? These guys were gonna have your.

[Gary]

No, they're gonna have urologic surgery anyway. So it was not a necessary anesthesia.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Oh, okay.

[Gary]

They also looked at.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd that conversation go? Hey, close your cock.

[Gary]

Hey, informed consent.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Duke Dong, as long as your cock's numb, you mind if we, you know, collect a little data?

[Gary]

I don't. No, it wasn't presented that way. I'm sure it was very formal, very objective presentation of it, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, this is.

[Gary]

In other words. Look, people have been comparing foot, shoe size and hand size. This is something where there is. They found a statistically significant correlation between that ratio and penis size.

[Adam Carolla]

So. All right, so I'm still confused. If it's. If it's bigger, then what if the.

[Gary]

Index finger is smaller in relation to the ring finger, the more small it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a minute. It's almost Always bigger, isn't it?

[Gary]

Look, see, here you go. There's.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wait, do you want a lot of difference between your finger.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, your index finger is a lot smaller than your ring finger. That's a good thing. Jesus Christ.

[Gary]

Son of a. I don't think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, wait a minute. I got one that's the same and one where the index finger's bigger.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Gary]

Do you have a two headed penis?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, did God create a set differently? Show me your. Show me your hand again. So your index finger is smaller and mine is bigger.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We look like a couple retarded albino Indians. Hey, live long and prosper there. Yeah. Okay.

[Gary]

Okay, so that's a good study. They also are doing further studies now. All right, here's another study. Women more likely to send sexually explicit text messages than men. And now just think about it. Women are more likely to send to sext than men are.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, they're more verbal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gary]

And eventually they get into sending pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

But yeah, they do like the verbal. Oh, oh. Because they're into fantasy where guys are sort of like, let's do it or let's not do it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sometimes they say that in a text. Let's do it or let's not do it. And then the women want to pin them down. Like. How do you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I've never got like the. I've never gotten into the phone sex stuff.

[Gary]

Well, because you've been desensitized by all your porn viewing, so the phone thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Would not even raise seven hours a day. Is all my porn stuff now you're calling that all my porn stuff when I spend the lion's share of each day. I mean, not if you count sleeping, but if you factor sleeping.

[Gary]

You know the annals of porn better than a rabbinic. Rabbinic, whatever they are, knows the Torah.

[Bryan Cranston]

I know you said good lenses, bad frames. Bruce, has it been brought up what he's wearing on his face?

[Adam Carolla]

He really.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know, Took it to heart.

[Bryan Cranston]

Are you shitting me?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I am.

[Gary]

Are we on TV or what happens?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in an urban dictionary because.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is there a third grade Asian girl who's missing her glasses right now?

[Adam Carolla]

Urban dictionary. Read it, Alison.

[Teresa Strasser]

Good lenses, bad frames. Describing someone who gives a bad first impression but is actually a good person. Someone who doesn't appear to be confident yet is extremely capable at what he. She does. For example, Dr. Bruce is a spaz, but he's one of the best doctors I know. You wouldn't know it by looking at him. Good lenses, bad Frames.

[Adam Carolla]

So where's my name on that?

[Gary]

Yeah, where the. Yeah, Corolla. It's down there somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Scroll down.

[Gary]

Corolla fan too, by Corolla. But here's the thing. I'm working in the er. It's a first impression situation only.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you work with a lot of kids?

[Gary]

No, don't go down that road.

[Adam Carolla]

Who you working with over there?

[Gary]

Who am I?

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of uninsured people.

[Gary]

Well, you know, I'm at a Kaiser facility.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Gary]

Very community oriented. Open arms to all comers and they provide financial advice.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know where it's a worse name. Like, first off, they added the permanente, which seems like the worst. You couldn't think of a worse thing to add to a hospital. Permanent. You know what I mean? Like everyone's. The whole thing about a hospital is. Is if you're in and out in one day, that's okay. If you're there for a month, that's a bad car accident. And if it's permanent, you're dead. You're in a fucking morgue. So adding permanente to hospitals, bad. And then Kaiser's kind of bad too. You picture a guy with a Prussian helmet, like a big mustache with wax in it, looking for Jews, you know?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Kaiser and Permanente are horrible.

[Teresa Strasser]

It should be Kaiser uno minuto and it should not be Kaiser. What should it be? It should be like.

[Adam Carolla]

It should be like conscientious objector.

[Gary]

All right, my next. So what's interesting though is where they got their study subjects. 5,187 adults who visited an infidelity service. I mentioned the name of it, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Are these the guys?

[Gary]

Ashleymadison.com with some 10 million members. 10 million members to that service. An infidelity service.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is the website where if you want to cheat on your spouse, you hit up this website.

[Gary]

It's for married males and females that want to fool around. And so they did this study, believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Me, over two thirds of those. The point is this. If you're Ashley Madison, you can say we have 10 million members and no one can say shit because it's all confidential and all that stuff. Maybe they have two and a half million members. You're allowed to say 10 million. I guess I don't know who checks into this.

[Gary]

The guys that did the study, gentlemen.

[Adam Carolla]

That were at university, but they're not going to divulge any of their members or any of their identifications anyway.

[Gary]

Okay, so here's. There are some very interesting statistics. The Only one I'll mention 83% of females would meet people they encountered online in real life, compared to 67% of males.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's just because guys are lazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. 80 something percent of women would meet.

[Gary]

Actually meet the guys, where 60 something.

[Adam Carolla]

Percent of them, the men would.

[Gary]

So it was, you know, which. You'd think there was more fantasy for the women, but the women were growing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me explain how the male and the female meet. And here's why. There's the percentage problem here. Alison, you be the chick I want to meet, okay? We've never met before. Okay. Oh, man, you sound hot. We got to get together. Maybe we could meet over at the Carrows over there in Woodland Hills. Would that be cool? I mean, what are you doing, like, let's say Friday? Could we just meet there? Like, I'll be the guy wearing the orange vest, sitting in the booth alone. You cool with that?

[Teresa Strasser]

Carrows?

[Adam Carolla]

Are you shy? Oh, forget it. Yeah, I gotta go. I gotta go. Sports Center's not. SportsCenter's not. That was a stupid idea. Sorry, sweetie, I gotta go. That's how it works. Guys are beating all I've been writing you.

[Teresa Strasser]

I changed my schedule so that I can meet at Carrow's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll meet. Forget. I gotta go. I gotta go. Hi. I'm sitting in the booth. That's disparity. That's a. Yeah, I better go. I got kids.

[Teresa Strasser]

Listen, if it's really making that kind of sound, you should talk to Dr. Bruce, because there's more air coming out than one would hope.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a swallower. Well, I swallow air, so. Point is this.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's gotta come out somewhere then.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is this, guys are beating off when they're having these conversations, and as soon as they're done, they go from all talk to.

[Gary]

Yeah, exactly. No action.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gary]

Okay. 2008 Cosmo Girl Survey. 1280 teenagers and young adults. 20% of teenagers, 33% of young adults said they had sent nude or semi nude photographs through the mobile phones.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Gary]

So anyway. But it's problematic because it's, you know, it's not healthy behavior and it. Especially meeting people on the Internet. For teenagers, Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this horrible, high risk. You know, you do that thing where you're like, oh, man, I have a daughter. Oh, boy, there's gonna be pictures of her. She's gonna be sending around her boyfriend and blah, blah, blah. And then I realize the airwaves are gonna be so cluttered with vagine by the time she's in high school. It's not gonna make a difference. You're gonna make fun of if there's not a picture of your snatch floating around the web, I swear to God. I mean, and by the way, between. You know, especially as Kim Kardashian gets her 26th endorsement and gets her $66 million this year, it doesn't make a difference anymore what the fuck you're doing, does it?

[Teresa Strasser]

I can't think of anyone whose career has been damaged by a sex tape except for a politician.

[Adam Carolla]

There used to be other people.

[Teresa Strasser]

It just helps.

[Gary]

Applying to medical school.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, there's Pam Anderson, but she. She's talentless anyway, so she's nowhere now. But we'll never hear from her again because she possesses zero talent.

[Teresa Strasser]

But did it hinder her career?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're right. But it didn't hinder her career. Although she has no career now, but she never will because she only traded on her looks and she has no discernible talent whatsoever. And now that her looks are fading, she's gone.

[Bryan Cranston]

It does seem like in entertainment, not so much politics or whatever, but anyone can come back from anything.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Bryan Cranston]

There's nothing that's career crippling like Elliot Spitzer, for God's sake. Politics. But now he's in entertainment. Came back from the hooker thing. He's hosting a show on CNN or whatever it was.

[Adam Carolla]

They canceled it.

[Bryan Cranston]

Still, he came back to get a show.

[Adam Carolla]

You really got to go, OJ to slow things down and even that. I'm sure if OJ did enough good, you know, war put enough. If he. If he put American flag buttons on his lapels. You know what I mean? If you put the pin on there, start talking about Jesus Christ and he became a born again Christian, 3/4 of the nation would leave the guy alone.

[Bryan Cranston]

I was gonna say, like, killing someone seems to be the one thing you can't come back from. Fucking Don King.

[Teresa Strasser]

But people like dogs more than people. Michael Vick is doing okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris Brown, he stomped a guy to death. It's not like he bent over and punched him. Yeah, yeah.

[Gary]

With the background searches that are now being routinely done for people that are applying for jobs, there's an incredible amount of information that's coming off social websites and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, that's a good thing. It's like, hey, man, it's one of the two. It's one of the two. It's between two chicks for the new receptionist gig. One chick has a hot landing strip, the other fucking shaved clean down there. Either way, we win. Bob, what do you want? Bob, what do you want? The landing strip or the Brazilian or the shave clean and let's get the.

[Bryan Cranston]

Video camera and see what happens.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Or it's like I had a good feeling about that guy when I shook his hand and I noticed the ratio between his ring finger and his forefinger. And then I went online and I saw what he's really dealing with.

[Gary]

You have some important information there to really sort out, guys.

[Teresa Strasser]

Exactly.

[Gary]

Okay, so you want to hear about recreational drugs sold as bath salts.

[Adam Carolla]

This is becoming. What is that one? I can't figure that one out. What is. Are people huffing bath salts? What's going on?

[Gary]

Bath salts.

[Bryan Cranston]

Gayest high ever.

[Gary]

No, it's not. It's actually very similar to methamphetamine, the drug. It's the. Most of them are something called methylenedioxypyrivalerine, which is mdpv. It's very much like methamphetamine. They're sold as Bloom Blue Silk Cloud 9. But you go in and buy these things, people are smoking them and snorting them.

[Adam Carolla]

Mostly.

[Gary]

Mostly snorting.

[Teresa Strasser]

They're not really bath salts.

[Gary]

They're not bath salts.

[Teresa Strasser]

They're called that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Gary]

This is.

[Adam Carolla]

They're called that to get by FDA regulation. Whatever, whatever or.

[Gary]

Exactly. And people are buying them in head shops and tobacco shops.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see.

[Gary]

There's also spice, which is a cannabinoid like substance that people are smoking for a shorter high. And I know people that do. I've run into people that do this, and I've seen some people in the ER that have gotten violent as a result of doing this.

[Adam Carolla]

But listen, people. Are we out of booze? You know what I mean? Listen, old man, I'm just saying you can pour yourself a nice vodka, put on the rock, squeeze a little lemon into it, just call it night.

[Bryan Cranston]

Make some Mangria, for God's sake.

[Adam Carolla]

Love me some Mangria. Right? It's.

[Gary]

It's even worse though, than. I mean, you're not. You really have no clue.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gary]

You don't know. You're usually.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop with your brains. Retards. Thank you. All right, Bruce, bring it home. Last one. What do you got?

[Gary]

Last one. Let me. Do you want to talk about steroid use and police officers?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I know those guys are juicing.

[Gary]

Okay, there. What's happened in New Jersey? They found that in 2010, the year 2010, the state of New Jersey spent 11 point million dollars covering human growth hormone and steroid prescriptions. And that's 200 employees with HGH and 6,000 with steroid prescriptions. And what they're finding, they'd find a doctor that would say, yes, you have a growth hormone deficiency or testosterone. But these are guys in their 20s and 30s who do not have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So the new thing is you find a doctor that says, oh, you have low testosterone, and then they prescribe the testosterone to you. It's sort of like, you know, getting your pot, saying, look, you have hyper vigilance or something, and then they give you some weed and you can get what you want nowadays. Right.

[Gary]

But here's the rub. Somebody that's older, somebody over 40, you can start having some of these things measured. And they've. Now, I just had another study in here which we won't get to where testosterone replacement has been found to be beneficial in terms of general health, let's say in individuals over. Especially over 50.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gary]

Human growth hormone, there's no issue with providing that because you're about 30, 40% of what you were when you were 21 when you're over 50.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gary]

So with proper medical management, those are legitimate things. So it becomes confusing. At what age is this? Okay, but clearly somebody that's 20 years old in the cop getting HGH and testosterone, that's a very high level.

[Adam Carolla]

What about females on human growth hormone? I mean, what. You know what I mean? I'm sure Hollywood is all over this shit. Right, right. And you take someone like Jennifer Aniston, who you know is 42 or whatever, J. Lo, who's 42, and they essentially look like they're in their late 20s. What are they on?

[Teresa Strasser]

Botox.

[Adam Carolla]

Botox. But are they on human growth hormone? I mean, they're physically. Jennifer Aniston physically looks better at 42 than she did at 28. You know what I mean? Like, what's going on?

[Gary]

That's more likely some sort of plastic surgery. I don't know anything about Jennifer Aniston.

[Adam Carolla]

That doesn't do your past. Sure.

[Gary]

Here's the rub. If you're taking hgh when you're 40 or under, you're going to get signs of masculinization or it's going to cause negative.

[Teresa Strasser]

Will you grow a penis if you're a woman?

[Gary]

No, it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it change the size of your index finger, but. So this is for males only.

[Gary]

No, no, no, no, no. I shouldn't have said masculinization with hgh. But you're going to. You're not going to benefit. You're not going to look younger than at 40.

[Adam Carolla]

Two, if you're a. If you're. If you're jlo and you're 40, do you want to start taking something? No. No.

[Gary]

Absolutely not. But that's not.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not? You just said, but as a male, you're making less than half of.

[Gary]

Once you're over 40 and a male mostly over 50, it's reasonable to have.

[Adam Carolla]

But. But not a female.

[Gary]

No, a female. Male or female. But I'm saying 40.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you see why I can't stand this guy?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I felt like we've just done a lap around the heart, or I will get fired. Oh, what am I.

[Bryan Cranston]

And you bring him back every day.

[Dr. Bruce]

And not only that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so, Allison.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What is Bruce saying as a female?

[Teresa Strasser]

I have a very small penis. This is what he's saying.

[Gary]

Male or female, over 50, your levels drop. And you can take HGH. You take it under 40 or when you already have fairly normal levels and you get different effects. You get effects of. You start growing where you shouldn't be growing.

[Teresa Strasser]

I had 40 under my scrotum.

[Adam Carolla]

You said 40 or 50. And then when I said females shouldn't take it, then you'd say yes, and then you'd say something about male. If you're male and you're over 40, male or female, exact same with human growth. Human growth. No different.

[Gary]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Gosh. God damn. All right, Bruce, how do people not Twitter you? I feel like I'd like to like you to lose.

[Gary]

Should I do. I should Twitter back and. No, nobody cares what I'm doing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's enough. All right, let's take a break. Our old friend, one of the original writers from the Man Show, Jordan Rubin, in studio. Next, dear friend Jordan Rubin is here. Stand up, writer. Host the Download Tech web series on Comedy Central. Season two premieres Wednesday, August 24th. Jordan, one of the original man show writers, I say that you were there in season one, were you not?

[Dawson]

I was from the very beginning.

[Adam Carolla]

From the very beginning.

[Dawson]

Actually, you know what? I was the last writer hired. You guys went on a retreat, and I sent a second submission, and that got me hired.

[Adam Carolla]

True story. Jordan. I was thinking about this because I was roller skating with my kids today, and I've been to a couple of your roller skating parties. Like, midnight roller skating parties.

[Dawson]

Nick Swartz and I used to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

And I seem to have a fuzzy memory of my buddy Ray coming up behind somebody and getting them in a bear hug. And that guy, who I now think was Louis ck for some reason, my buddy Ray got got behind like, someone got him, like, in a bear hug. And the guy. The guy was like, dude, who are you? Why are you touching me? And Ray was like, I don't know. And, like, Ray would do that to everyone all the time, except for no one really ever said anything to him. And this particular person did, but. Was that Louis C.K. or. Who was that?

[Dawson]

You know what? I don't specifically remember that, but you just jogged a memory. And I feel like it was either Louis or Galifianakis. It might have been Louis, though. I feel like Louis was a big enough comic to me at the time. And I was like, you don't do that. Of course. Who cares? Like, do to anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

But Ray just came up, like, I think his shirt was off or something. Like, he was getting changed or something. And because it was like a disco boogie party, and people were sweating and he was, like, changing a shirt.

[Bryan Cranston]

That's not the Ray I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And Ray just came up behind him and just got him in a bear hug and, like, picked him up. And Louie was like, who the fuck are you? What are you doing?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And Ray was like, huh? I'm me.

[Dawson]

I'm Ray.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm me. I should be peeing on you right now. I remember. That was Ray's luck. Why you didn't have a question?

[Dawson]

Yeah, I was just gonna say, I remember that high school story where he started throwing his own shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it was his shit.

[Teresa Strasser]

Maybe it might have been someone else's.

[Adam Carolla]

Could have been my buddy Chris's shit.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So anyway, Jordan and I go way back. Jordan. What? Any. Before we get into everything else? Yeah, any man show stories, any memories.

[Dawson]

There's so many, I don't know where to begin. I mean, you could literally throw out a topic, and I would be able to. I mean, I remember when I first came there, I guess Jeff Ross, the comedian, Jeff Ross, the roastmaster general, who's probably been here, was on the show, and I guess Sal, Jimmy's cousin, was giving him a really hard time and torturing him.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he would. Like, Jeff made the mistake of leasing a Porsche boxer convertible, but it was an automatic, and Sal would go out and vandalize it. That kind of stuff. Yes, yes. He was torturing him.

[Dawson]

Yes. And so I remember I was coming out and my introduction. Jeff had warned everybody and said, he goes, sal, you know, I take your shit. But Jordan, when he gets out of here, he's got, like, spiked hair. He's a big dude. He's not gonna take your shit. And of course, I was just, you Know, small little Woody Allen body.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you remember when Matt Silverstein desecrated the bathroom? And then there was a big deal. Yes.

[Dawson]

He said. Yeah, he wrote some racist comment right in the bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a weird thing. Matt Silverstein wrote like, die Jew or something. There's Matt Silverstein. He wrote like, all filthy Jews must die or something like in the bathroom. And then very Jewish. Everyone made a big deal out of it. It was sort of.

[Teresa Strasser]

You write it in Hebrew.

[Adam Carolla]

It was sort of like when Robert Downey. Was that. Who's the talk show host? Was that Robert Downey Jr. Morton Downey. Morton Downey. Remember we went to the bathroom at the airport and drew the swastika on his forehead with a ballpoint pen. He should have been fucking shot. The second they found out that was him lying to his head.

[Bryan Cranston]

But he wrote something backwards on his head.

[Adam Carolla]

It was swastika.

[Bryan Cranston]

Obviously, a written. Some word written in the mirror.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously there is. He said he was jumped by, like, you know, skinheads. But the point is this.

[Teresa Strasser]

Dyslexical skinheads.

[Dawson]

It was a witch hunt, though. I remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Matt wrote like, all filthy Jews must die. And then, you know, the man show is pretty loose around there. Like, I didn't give a shit.

[Dawson]

You know, that was crossing a line for some reason.

[Adam Carolla]

And somehow Daniel decided that that crossed the line. So he's like, we need to find out who wrote this. And they need to be sort of disciplined because you can't just write this. It's the man show, but you still can't just do this. And it turned out Matt Silverstein had written it and. Oh, I think he wrote it about himself, was part of the problem. Like, Matt Silverstein's a filthy Jim and he must die. And that was like, the problem. Yeah. And then no one knew, so Matt couldn't come out and say anything. And they were taking handwriting samples.

[Dawson]

Oh, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And all that. It was like this weird moment. We're on a witch hunt and it was the guy. The guy did it to himself. And once we got a few weeks into the witch hunt, I don't think Matt could say anything. Yeah.

[Dawson]

I don't remember how it was found out. I do remember, now that you mention it, Matt leaving notes on. Was it maybe Daniel's or. So he'd leave notes on. Maybe to mess with Daniel. He would leave notes on random cars saying, sorry, I hit your car. Here's my number.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. And he would leave Daniel's number.

[Dawson]

And they wouldn't even hit it. But of course, people would call and Be like, I did find a scratch actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah. Here's how incredible. Here's how jewy Matt Silverstein was. One time we went to go to do a bit and the way it would work is whoever the rider was for the bit, they just go with you to do the bit. And instead of jumping in the van with the guy, the intern driving it, I said, matt, let's just go in your car. And we got into his like, probably was like a 95 Jeep Cherokee that his in laws had sent out from Florida and said he could, he could have. And I got into the car and when I got into the car, the steering wheel was adjusted up that like in a position sort of like, like a bumper boat. Like it was. It was more horizontal than it was vertical. It was like it was fully up. And I was like. So I immediately like just reached onto the column and pulled the thing in and pulled the wheel back down. And I said, matt, have you been. And he's like, that adjusts. And I said, yes. I said, how long have you been driving this way? It's like a year. I said, you fucking idiot. Someone just moved it all the way up when they like shipped it. And then you never moved. I didn't know it moved. And I was like, wow, that is Matt.

[Dawson]

I also remember a time when I was working out at the time and I had weight gainer shake and Jimmy. So as you know, I'm paranoid anyway. I'm a paranoid guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. On your desk. You had that in my drawer. Yeah. You had that shit that you buy at.

[Dawson]

It's like a thousand calories. Probably the worst thing for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where you put. If you want to put weight on you put that in your shake, add.

[Dawson]

That to milk and it's 2,000 calories. So I would lug this thing home every night. Because in my crazy mind, someone that works there is going to poison it or poison it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you couldn't leave anything around cousins.

[Dawson]

Well, that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Right.

[Dawson]

And so I took it, you know, every night. One night I left it at the office and Jimmy sent an intern out and bought about 10 of those coffee mate. Dumped it out, filled it with coffee mate.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's like the same cow.

[Dawson]

I came in, you know, like 10:00 and just chucked it. Cause I was like, I left this overnight.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you never. Yeah, no.

[Dawson]

So Jimmy later in the day goes, how was your shake today? And I go, oh, I threw it out. Cause I left here. He's like, ah. And he told me, right. But it's situations like that that make people who are, you know, neurotic and crazy go, I'm right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All you need to do is be. No, it's. It's like. It's like. It's like someone who's addicted to gambling hitting a pick six or trifecta or something once every 20 years. Just enough they'll keep losing money, but they've been validated. That one time. Yeah.

[Dawson]

I could tell you stories when I was right. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He put something in your toothpaste.

[Dawson]

I think he put baking soda.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he shoved shaving cream in my tooth. Toothpaste. He shoved it. I mean, he literally fed it into the container. And I brushed my teeth with it going, man, this is up. Toothpaste. So I wasn't like, I don't have any germ. I'm not sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did you also brush with Vagisil or something?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was earlier, but that. I did that volitionally. I mean, I did that when I was 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was my sister.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just insane.

[Adam Carolla]

No trouble in this area. I didn't do it on purpose. But Jimmy was not behind that one.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Dawson]

I remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Although you were. You were there. You must have been there when. When Jimmy pulled off his Dixie Chicks ruse with me and Natalie from the Dixie Chicks. You had to be there for that one.

[Dawson]

I also remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Teresa Strasser]

I wasn't there for that one.

[Dawson]

You weren't there, were you?

[Teresa Strasser]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that story I've told him.

[Dawson]

Okay, well, I remember playing cards at your house once, and in that house that you had, that was on top of Beechwood, but it was still on one floor. I guess we were all playing cards and I guess Jimmy wandered off and all of a sudden he just busted through the window naked and said, look out. He just ran through.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like a hot summer night. It was a hot summer night.

[Dawson]

Dick, like, flabbing.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I'd opened the window because it was like just a hot summer night. And we were all in my den playing cards. And Jimmy gave the. Yeah, I'm gonna go in the kitchen and get some more salsa. And about five minutes later, a naked dude just came diving through the window. It was Jimmy, by the way. It was that night when we were cleaning up like an old gay couple, where I did one of my just greatest moves to Jimmy ever, which is he. Everyone had cleared out. It was like the end of the night. And like the old gay couple, we were left behind to clean up, you know, empty the ashtrays and throw away, you Know, clean out the bowls with the chips in it. And Jimmy was just standing at the sink, you know, washing dishes. And I stood next to him, and I just eyeballed one of those cylinders of whole bean coffee from Trader Joe's. Like, you know when you grind it up fresh. And the cylinder had about four beans left in the bottom of it. And I had. I had gas. And I just pressed this thing up against my ass and I just did a. I just did. I even twisted it a little bit, like I vapor locked it and then just did the. Just filled it up and then popped the cap onto it. And I said, jimmy, you ever smell this Trader Joe's, like, fresh, fresh, whole bean Sumatra. And he was like, nah, man. And you gotta realize when you tell people to smell things, they're sort of tentative about it. Like, if you go. If you say, someone smell my finger, they'd be like, I don't know. And if you say, like, smell this pen, they're kinda. I don't know. But when you do a coffee can and you go, smell this, they will bury their fucking. There's three beans at the bottom. Jimmy, like, literally pressed it against the bridge of his nose and his mouth and gave a big.

[Dawson]

He huffed your fart.

[Adam Carolla]

And then just pulled back and then gave that, like, what the fuck? Kind of coughing. And I was like, yes. Because you can fart, as you know from sharing an office with cousin Sal, you can fart on people as much as you like, but you can't really get them to ingest it this way. I got him to inhale that fart.

[Dawson]

That's a victory.

[Adam Carolla]

Cousin Sal would do a lot of farting. We'd have the def rat guy. We'd have Josh the def rat guy come in as the def rat guy. We'd have Josh do the porn audition.

[Jordan Rubin]

Remember?

[Dawson]

That was one of the funniest things ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

I also remember we would write every year and you know that. And then later on crank anchors, it got to the point where it's like, how many men things can I write? Or how many crank calls can I write? You know? And then Jimmy put out that list, and you guys put out that list. No more pharmacy calls, no more doctor. So it's like we were then limited on top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Dawson]

So I remember at one point during the man showed Sal consciously going, that's it. I don't think. I think Jimmy's so busy, and he started adding things to his packet every day because we'd hand in a writing packet that was exactly One year before.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I wonder if Jimmy necessary.

[Dawson]

And Jimmy would still check or exit.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I've never read any of the packages, so. And what, Jordan? And pardon me for not being French. I've forgotten all about it. But what were your man show. If we were looking at man show bits, what would be your claim to fame? Would you go like. Ah, that was my. That one was mine.

[Dawson]

I think it would be the sperm contest, the two of you, to see who had better. More viable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we went and we went and actually went to a doctor to see a. Who could produce a sample the fastest.

[Dawson]

The fastest. It was a rig.

[Adam Carolla]

I beat Jimmy by about eight seconds. But Jimmy took the time to pull his pants up and get dressed and stuff. So if you sort of do the math where he took the time to pull his pants up and zip his fly his pants on, we actually draw. Complete draw, just photo finish. Sweet.

[Dawson]

But I think you annihilated his sperm count. I'm trying to remember.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a higher sperm count, but I had more active sperm.

[Dawson]

Mm. But you didn't have kids at the time, so I was wondering, like, is he shooting blanks? You had no idea?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Does that. Does that relate to who had perhaps relieved themself earlier that day? Or did you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it didn't matter. Both came from the same time at the same place. And when you have a contest like.

[Dawson]

That, you don't relieve yourself earlier in the day.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the deal was, yeah, you don't run a bunch of sprints before the hundred yard dash. You know what I mean?

[Dawson]

You see a lot of spaghetti and.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's a lot of car bloating. Yeah. And for me, it was a lot of electrolyte stuff. Drinking a lot of Pedialyte, doing things like that.

[Dawson]

There was one point at which I got obsessed with how far guys that shoot further loads in porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dawson]

And I like, seriously read up on it on the Internet.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd you find out?

[Dawson]

Because I think I noticed as you get older, it diminishes the amount and the distance. And so. Well, the things they found out is colloidal silver and possibly vitamin E. Where.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you get the colloidal.

[Dawson]

Colloidal silver at like a health store? It's a natural antibiotic.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do they sell it so that you can shoot your junk?

[Dawson]

No, it doesn't say it. They don't market that way. It's certain people, like, there's that guy, I forget, the porn star that shoots. Really? Peter North.

[Adam Carolla]

That's important. I don't know.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Just saying. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So it might be him.

[Adam Carolla]

He's called the Decker. Yeah. Yeah. Shooting ropes design. Yeah. Wow.

[Dawson]

But I think I started to think that it's a. That it's a water thing. I think, like, the more. If you.

[Adam Carolla]

The more hydrated you are.

[Dawson]

Most people I know are pretty dehydrated. And I think if, like. Because I notice on days, if I'll drink the next day I'll be masturbating more than ever and shooting ropes, as they say. So I think there's more liquid in my body. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

You get more glass. That's me and Peter north, by the way.

[Dawson]

Perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

So you wrote this year on the Oscars, right?

[Dawson]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd you get that gig? How's that work?

[Dawson]

That worked well. I'd had written the MTV Movie Awards for three years, so I was in that. Those kind of circles of award shows. And then.

[Adam Carolla]

How cool is it saying you wrote for the Oscars?

[Dawson]

It was cool. It was very stressful at the time. The job. And how did it. It was the most political job I've ever had.

[Adam Carolla]

How did it first work?

[Dawson]

Like, it first worked. I was doing some stuff with Judd Apatow. We'd done this viral video together that we wrote, and it did really well. And I started doing some stuff with him and loved working with him. And one day I walked into his office to work with him on something, and he turned to me. He's like, how'd you like to write the Oscars? Judd said that Judd did, and because he. I guess they'd asked him to be involved, but he was extremely busy. You know, two films and Bridesmaids.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dawson]

There's a photo of us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dawson]

And that's at the Producers Guild Awards, actually, Judd hosted.

[Adam Carolla]

So he asked, how'd you like to be involved?

[Dawson]

Yeah. And he said, call. I just emailed this. I'm gonna forward you. So I went over and met with the guys. They obviously were going for a much younger sensibility because it was Franco and Hathaway. So the stuff I was pitching, I really got along with the producers and took it from there. I was basically brought on to write the opening film, which I did. They said, would you mind sticking around for the rest of the show? You know, And I'm never one to sure turn down money.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be the coolest thing ever.

[Dawson]

But it was. It was. I just think the cat. The two of them is a weird combination.

[Adam Carolla]

Franco.

[Dawson]

Franco and Hathaway.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean?

[Dawson]

They come from different schools. Of thought in terms of how to approach everything from daily life to this business. I think she's more. They're both extremely talented. I think she's more. That's when we were shooting the Social Network spoof, I guess. So that's them in the same garb as they're talking to Zuckerberg. I think she's much more, you know, theatrically trained. She's very on top of it. Much more, you know, he's more of an artsy. I don't know the way to describe it, and I don't want to insult either one of them. I'm not being political. I just. I have, like, both of them.

[Adam Carolla]

I just think they weren't Burns and Allen.

[Dawson]

Like, they weren't Kimmel and Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there you go. You didn't feel the chemistry there.

[Dawson]

Yeah, there definitely was like a. It's a gig. Like, I don't. I don't think. Yeah, there was no chemistry. They didn't walk in and definitely not funny.

[Adam Carolla]

They just. You didn't feel like.

[Dawson]

Who was that? Was that Anne Hathaway talking about me?

[Adam Carolla]

You don't feel like they're gonna be. You don't feel like they're gonna be collaborating on other things in the future?

[Dawson]

Right? Well, I think. Here's what I think. He put it really well. I saw him on Letterman like a couple months ago, and Dave was like, you know, there was a lot of speculation that maybe you were stoned at the Oscars. And Franco said, listen, I love Anne Hathaway, but I have to tell you, even the Tasmanian devil would look stoned standing next to her.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? She's that. That energetic.

[Dawson]

She's just very type A and he's very type B, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's sort of theatrical. Like she's used to being on stage on Broadway and playing to the back seat.

[Dawson]

There's nothing to be said for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dawson]

You know, it's something that I don't have as a stand up. I'm very type B, as you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she. Is she. Does she have. And do they have. And maybe there's something. Something to this. But that sort of the chops, you know what I mean? Like comedy chops, like on stage. Comedy chops versus a talented actor. Do you know what I mean? Or even a gifted actor.

[Dawson]

I think. I think it's something that people that are that talented and smart can learn pretty quickly. I've had a lot of people in the past couple months go, like, you don't have actors host the Oscars you know. You know, thinking more in the Billy Crystal tradition and the, you know, Steve Martin, which I, you know, as a comic, of course, I go, it's good to have a lot of stage.

[Adam Carolla]

But there's two kinds of actors. I sort of think, I mean, maybe there's James Franco, but then maybe there's Alec Baldwin.

[Dawson]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Because, like, Baldwin's an actor, but he plays. He has such command of the stage.

[Dawson]

But if you're gonna go into that, then would you say Alec Baldwin could host the Oscars alone without Steve Martin? A very skilled comic who can write for two people. You know, I'm saying, I just.

[Adam Carolla]

From the SNL stuff I've seen on.

[Dawson]

Baldwin, that's acting well, that's comedic. That's like Franco doing Pineapple Express.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say that Baldwin could. Probably would be up to the challenge. But anyway, I thought she was hilarious.

[Dawson]

In Delaware's and she was really good on snl. She's great on snl. They were both good on snl. She was so funny. Snl, she had a bunch of sketches. She was really on top of the writing. She got jokes. She, you know, she's. She's friends with comedians that. And works with a lot of, like, comedy people. She gets it. So does he. It's not like when I was speaking, comedy wasn't like foreign language.

[Adam Carolla]

Were they arguing a lot or were they doing like, I want to do it this way?

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

How come no one's ever asked me to write anything? No one. I've never got a phone call.

[Dawson]

You wrote that animated episode.

[Teresa Strasser]

You mean you haven't been hanging out with that apatow and he hasn't turned to you and said, would you like to write?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't type. It's never happened. Nobody's ever asked me to write a fucking thing.

[Dawson]

I have heard a thing around, like Hollywood back circles where they say you're good on the page and not on the stage. So maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then I'd be good on the.

[Dawson]

I should have said the.

[Adam Carolla]

You should have said it the other way around.

[Dawson]

Yeah, you're good on the stage, not on the page.

[Teresa Strasser]

They also say that you have a lot of active sperm.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they're very active.

[Teresa Strasser]

We're all talking about that.

[Dawson]

Funny active sperm.

[Adam Carolla]

They can be produced in under three minutes.

[Dawson]

If memory serves, there actually was something in the old school man show days where I remember you constantly saying, because Jeff Ross the comedian and me were on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Dawson]

You probably already know what I'm gonna say.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Dawson]

That you. He always used to say that stand ups like Jeff and I were like comedy factories. No, we were comedy warehouses. Sorry. We have a bunch of jokes. We show our wares each night, you know, very limited. Rarely get a new delivery. He said he's a comedy machine. I said, he's just spitting them out.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes me sound like a dick.

[Dawson]

No, but you didn't say.

[Adam Carolla]

I said better to be a factory than a warehouse, which is produce and don't store.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a fucking garden variety dick. But you do need to kind of be both if you want to do stand up. Adam, stop being such an asshole and start listening to people. You need to produce and you need to store.

[Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you get too much into storage, you'll stop production.

[Dawson]

Correct. I think I started out storing a little too much, but eventually I think I got to a point. I think Twitter opened me up. Stand up. What with jokes where it made me write so much more. Because you're getting instant feedback.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And if you repeat yourself, everyone will know it in a second. Versus if you're Zany's one night and Caroline's the next. No one's gonna know.

[Dawson]

Although I have been retweeting my own jokes from not saying retweet, just dropping them in from, like, a year before.

[Teresa Strasser]

I have wanted to do that. How's that going for you?

[Dawson]

I think it's the greatest thing ever. This is why I have so many more followers since the joke was dropped.

[Teresa Strasser]

They deserve to see the genius, Right?

[Dawson]

So there's like, one or two people that go, yeah, there's one or two people that are like, oh, you already did that. And it's like, first of all, I'm doing this. This for free. Second of all, there's so many new followers, and also, people follow so many people, they don't catch every joke. So it's really one or two people who are just stalking.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, it does suck with almost every other profession. I'm always jealous of bands because they have to play their hits. And then comedians, if you play your hits. Like, I heard that one before. All right, Allison, you have some news. And, Jordan, you hang out, and we will attack the news. And now the rest of the news with Allison Rosen.

[Teresa Strasser]

In entertainment news, Mike Myers has signed on for a fourth Austin Powers film. This would be his first trip back to starring in live action movies since 2008's the Love Guru. Which Bond.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I thought he was gonna make a remake for that one.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't think that's off the table, but it's doubtful.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so he's doing another Austin Powers.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, and he's been. Of late, he's been focused on voice work in Shrek.

[Adam Carolla]

Every motherfucking movie out there is a part two or remake or reimagination of or prequel or a game, a board game from the 70s. Like, just fucking officially added ideas. Like, I was just. Whether it's Planet of the Apes or Yogi the Bear, the Smurfs or whatever.

[Bryan Cranston]

If they pull up a list of the top 10 movies in theaters right now, what percentage do you think are either remakes or sequels or prequels or something? I'm guessing four out of ten, at least.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, if you take a look at just the summer movies, they're all something. And even, you know, even if Thor is the first Thor, it's still an idea that's 50 years old.

[Bryan Cranston]

A dad from a book or a comic book or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Unoriginal idea. Unoriginal screenplay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Dawson]

I like that they said, signed on like they had to go find him. Like Rambo. Like, he's like, no, I'm done. Yeah, they, like.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm sure they got him back in.

[Adam Carolla]

The game trying to do it.

[Dawson]

Yeah, but you're the best.

[Teresa Strasser]

Apparently this idea had been floated for a while, and it's only now that he's showing interest. So it is kind of like that, right?

[Bryan Cranston]

We have the list. The top 10.

[Adam Carolla]

It is rise of the Planet of the Apes prequel. Done. The Help, I guess based on a whole.

[Teresa Strasser]

It was a book.

[Adam Carolla]

Final Destination. Well, it has five behind it. So you get that.

[Bryan Cranston]

Smurfs, that's the TV show.

[Adam Carolla]

30 minutes or less based on sort of a true story.

[Bryan Cranston]

We'll give that a pass.

[Dawson]

Cowboys and Aliens, based on Rhinestone Cowboy and alien.

[Adam Carolla]

Captain America, done. Crazy Stupid Love not done. Harry Potter, done.

[Dawson]

And the change up, done 40 different ways.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

So it's two rom coms that are the only ones that aren't exact, you know, replicas.

[Adam Carolla]

And I would argue that Jordan, as Jordan said, the Change up's been done 20 times anyway.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, but six of those top 10 movies are. Are obvious. Either sequels or remakes or adaptations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and it's coming to tv, too. I mean, say, hey, Charlie's Angels is back on tv. Like, we're just officially out of ideas. That's it.

[Teresa Strasser]

And yet they're not bringing back what I want to see. Family Family Ties or that's all from.

[Adam Carolla]

Your mouth to God's ears.

[Teresa Strasser]

God willing. But Walt Disney Studios has shut down production on the Lone Ranger, the big budget film starring Johnny Depp as Tonto and Armie Hammer as the title character.

[Dawson]

That's a Winklevoss, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, that is the Winklevoss's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because it was grossly over budget filmmakers. What?

[Adam Carolla]

He. He was the one that was digitally put in. So that's the bummer part. This Wink, this actor.

[Teresa Strasser]

This one. Yeah, yeah. You can tell because I bet he could tell that.

[Adam Carolla]

That to stupid chicks at a party. Like. Oh, you. You played both parts in the Social Network. No, I was. I was the digital one.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I was. I was all cgi.

[Adam Carolla]

I was the cgi. Yeah. Oh.

[Dawson]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is your brother coming?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So what? Why?

[Teresa Strasser]

It was over budget. Filmmakers were attempting to reduce the $250 million budget, but had yet to reach the 200 million figure Disney wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. Well, there you go. That's what we're talking about. Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Arnold Schwarzenegger's legitimate son Patrick, is the star of a new campaign for Hudson Jeans. Patrick appears shirtless in the advertisement, which showcases his yoga honed physique.

[Dawson]

Now, this isn't the son that he had with the.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, this is the legitimate one.

[Dawson]

I'm kidding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So sad that male models have yoga honed physiques now.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like, he's not purging.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, not having hair on you and not being fat doesn't make you a male model.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, it does.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I'm just looking at a skinny guy with a shirt off that looks like every fucking guy I work construction with. Don't you gotta do a little better than that.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're a regular John Casablancas.

[Dawson]

It's interesting when you look at early photos of Schwarzenegger in Austria, like, before he started juicing and he had pretty much like, you know, he was a. He was bodybuilder, but he wasn't anywhere near Schwarzenegger size.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right, but do you recognize where this billboard is located? It is right above Pico.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, it's above Happy Innings. Right. Which is our sports bar. Mm. Yeah. Good times. I gotta say this. I want to get back to Mike Myers for a second, Okay. I want to find out what's creeping around inside that guy's head. Like, I want to get him and Jim Carrey together one day and just, like, lock ourselves in a room and put a bottle of scotch down on the table and goes, fellas, we're getting to the bottom of this. I want to find out if you guys are geniuses or insane or both or fucking overrated or underrated. Like, I got to figure this out.

[Dawson]

He actually hosted the movie Awards one year. I was on it. And Interesting. Interesting guy. I mean, nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Douchebag. Eccentric.

[Teresa Strasser]

Canadian.

[Dawson]

It's eccentric a little bit, but I think. I think it felt a tad bit contrived. I don't know. I mean, maybe I'm. I mean, sometimes you say things like this, and I feel like there goes the whole amount of work I'm gonna have in the future.

[Adam Carolla]

No one listens to this shit.

[Dawson]

But, like, what I did find out that's very crazy is there's comedy camps, which I didn't know existed, and maybe because I'm naive, but at that level, you know, you've got. Sometimes they integrate, but, you know, you've got your Apatow Camp and you have your. You know, they all try to get. They do get along, but I feel like when push comes to shove.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Dawson]

It's like, no, they're opening this weekend. We're not opening that week, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dawson]

They get very competitive. Because I remember there was an actor that was pulled off. We were doing promos for Hit for Mike Myers year, and there was this guy who I was so excited to meet from Heroes. That guy Massey or that actor, and he was in the new Steve Carell, Agent 99. What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Get Smart.

[Dawson]

Get Smart movie. And because he was doing that and Love Guru was opening, they were like, get him off the set. Well, I'm not saying it was necessarily Mike, but someone made a call, and all of a sudden the guy's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about Mike. It feels like the antithesis of creative to go, I'm gonna do a part four of anything as a comedian. Like, I just think, well, Shrek, I.

[Dawson]

Mean, look at that. How much money?

[Adam Carolla]

A billion dollars to do VO work. Fine. But if you're doing. I just. I don't feel like. I just don't feel like Sacha Baron Cohen would do a whole bunch of Bruno threes, fours and fives.

[Bryan Cranston]

How do you turn that paycheck? You know what I'm saying? If you're Mike Myers and they're like, hey, Austin Powers, 4, man, you created these characters. We want to drop off a boatload of money.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like he's got to have 100 million lying around somewhere. Anyway, he just went through a divorce. Oh, really?

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn. I.

[Bryan Cranston]

His wife was like, his writing partner, too, I think.

[Dawson]

All right, well, you know who I do admire so much is Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant, because they do these series. They do the Office for two seasons, then they did extras and then they just pulled the plug themselves. They're like, nah, we're done. Huge hits. I mean, maybe they have the liberty because the office went to 10 different countries and. But they're doing this new midget series called Life's Too Short with a cast of midgets.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's so.

[Dawson]

And then after two, I'm sure they're gonna pull it again because they just. They get tired. I'm not. That wasn't even.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's. That's what you should be doing. Life. You should be. I mean, creatively. Look, whether you write songs, do comedy, or paint paintings, you shouldn't just be doing the same one.

[Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Or a variation of the same one over and over again. It seems like the opposite of creativity.

[Bryan Cranston]

But anyway, you know, Adam, guys like Mike Myers may work in comedy. I think there's a lot of sadness there.

[Dawson]

Yeah, there's. That's the show with the guy who played Willow.

[Teresa Strasser]

So deep. It is so deep.

[Dawson]

I listen to the new Coldplay album. I listen to a couple songs. I actually, it's like a guilty pleasure, I guess, because it's supposed to be girl music.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe, I don't know, some more gay music. Right?

[Dawson]

Gay music. Okay. I like it. And. But it's really. It's the same song that I feel.

[Jordan Rubin]

Like, dude, are you gay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dawson]

There's an element where it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

But he doesn't have the same.

[Dawson]

Which is smart. I go, that's good.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got plays, big hit, a bunch sparks, Clocks, clocks. He doesn't do clocks. One clocks, two clocks, three clocks, four. Four. I mean, Steve Martin movies kind of feel like Steve Martin movies and Albert Brooks movies feel like Albert Brooks movies. But Albert Brooks isn't doing loss in America too.

[Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's all I'm saying. All right, sorry.

[Dawson]

I wonder what the first sequel was. That's a good trivia question.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Trying to work that out. Go ahead.

[Teresa Strasser]

There should be a remake of all of Me. Remember that movie with Steve Martin?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Lily Tomlin.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that was a hilarious movie. Neo Nazi rock fans in Germany were tricked into accepting T shirts with anti extremist messages that appeared when they washed the shirts. Slogans on the shirts which were handed out to 250 people at the Rock for Germany festival first read hardcore rebels and had a skull and nationalist flags. But when washed, the tagline turned into a message from a group offering to help far right extremists break away from the neo Nazi scene. Quote, if your T shirt can do it. You can do it too. We'll help you get away from right wing extremism. Read the super snappy slogan on the shirt. The shirts were donated anonymously and provided by Exit, a group which helps people disassociate from the far right. And evidently the shirt makers had to experiment to make sure the top layer wouldn't wash off in the rain.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's fucking awesome. Here's my feeling about guys that are into, you know, killing Jews and worshiping Hitler and goose stepping around town. T shirts usually don't get them to turn the corner. I know, it's more bandanas.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, totally.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought I was going to ban this Doc Martens. No, but I'm just saying when you're really good and fucked up, it's sort of like when you see those bumper stickers that say end senior views are the ones that say like coexist. Get, you know, get to know a human trafficking or something. Like if you're really that far into it where you're beating the elderly or trafficking human beings, I don't feel like the bumper sticker, it's gonna slow you down. And all this is gonna do is piss off the Neo Nazis and get them to choke out a few more. They're probably gonna choke out some Jews with those shirts now, right?

[Dawson]

Probably say choke out some Jews again.

[Adam Carolla]

Choke out some Jews.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think that perhaps it's publicity for this group.

[Adam Carolla]

Aha, I see.

[Bryan Cranston]

You know what it's gonna do is it's gonna expose those Neo Nazis that don't wash their shirts. Cause a month down the road, the Neo Nazis who have washed their shirts are still grumbling about it. Here comes the Heinrich.

[Teresa Strasser]

Here comes stinky Goebbels.

[Bryan Cranston]

Yeah, Heinrich is still wearing the T shirts we got at that rock concert.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So what is wrong?

[Bryan Cranston]

You haven't. You haven't opened. It's been a month. Have you worn it more than once?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't perspire.

[Bryan Cranston]

Maybe you should. You really should wash that shirt. No, I mean you really should wash that shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? When I goose step, I barely lift my legs. I just. I don't.

[Bryan Cranston]

Perspective, you know, On a second thought. Don't wash that shirt. Never wash that shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Wow, that's sad that we're doing that at. What year is it? We're trying to talk people out of the whole Nazi thing.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sad that your Nazi who doesn't wash his shirt is Middle Eastern?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

[Dr. Bruce]

This has been a.

[Teresa Strasser]

What year is this? Year? Is that what you asked?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying how long? What are we gonna do with these fucking people? Let's round them up and kill them. Let's kill the neo Nazis. And by the way, how long do you get the Neo in front of you? Because eventually you're gonna be longer. You're gonna be around longer than Nazi Nazis.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're retro Nazi.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like, how long can Nazi reenactors. I mean, how long can, like, Musical Youth or New Edition keep their. Keep the new and the youth on their title? You know what I mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

It's like Tomorrowland at Disneyland yesterday.

[Adam Carolla]

Land Nazi Nazis. I feel like, you know, they had a decent run, you know, mid 30s, mid. Mid later 30s up until, let's just say the end of World War II. 44, 44, 45. You know, they had a good. Good decade run.

[Bryan Cranston]

Good run.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they cooled it down for a while. But I feel like I've been hearing about neo Nazis since high school.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah. It's time for that to go. They're classical Nazis.

[Adam Carolla]

They may have bumped off Nazi Nazis. Yeah, old school throwback.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm sure there's more neo Nazis than Nazi Nazis. Nazi Nazis are old and live in our Argentina.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Dawson]

I remember David Tell doing a joke about having Klan meetings still. He's like, is there any new business with the Klan? Why are they still meeting? We read the minutes from last week's meeting. It's like, we hate everyone. We wear sheets. All right, let's get out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Kill the Jews. What else we got here?

[Bryan Cranston]

Point of order, Adam. We covered that last week. Move ahead of the new business.

[Adam Carolla]

Did we cover the blacks and the Jews last week, or is that Just.

[Bryan Cranston]

Let me check the red, the min. Black.

[Adam Carolla]

Sarah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Jews. Yeah, got em both.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, safety note. We're gonna want to go ahead and tuck those sheets into your socks when we're doing the cross burnings. We've had a lot of problems, guys, going up this year.

[Dawson]

I have to leave early the meeting today.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Where are you going?

[Dawson]

To kill some guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Jews?

[Dawson]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Black guys? No, no, no. Mexicans. All right.

[Dawson]

I haven't been killing people.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, Jesus. Oh, oh, don't forget about the gays. It just seems like setting crosses on fire, wearing bedsheets seems like a bad plan.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you think? They're like. And we're gonna need someone to bring the coffee and the cookies for next meeting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I'm just show of hands for who can help clean up afterwards.

[Adam Carolla]

Ted, two words. Ambrosia salad. Please do not disappoint this year. And then there's probably those arguments because. Because Rob always says he's going to bring the paper plates, and that's, that's always the cop out move while everyone else is making casseroles and bringing chafing dishes.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I'm thinking that we're going to be. Start ordering. We're going to start ordering our sheets from a different company because they're going to give us a better deal.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Bryan Cranston]

Point of clarification. Can we all get together on this? Burning of the crosses and burning of the swastikas because it's supposed to be good or bad? Because it's bad when you burn a swastika on your own lawn, but it's good when you burn a cross on a church's lawn. I'm confused. Can we have a vote on this, please?

[Adam Carolla]

And it is weird because, yeah, the cross is sort of your symbol, but you burn it. But if American. If the American flag is your symbol and you burn that, then that wouldn't be a smart move.

[Teresa Strasser]

But I think that. Isn't that the only way to get rid of a. There's something where you're actually supposed to burn a flag, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If you drop one.

[Teresa Strasser]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah. If you. There's. There's certain flags, you don't burn it. There's flag. Flagging etiquette.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And if it touches the ground or.

[Dawson]

Something, I think with Jews, like, if we drop a Bible, we're was to kiss our hand and touch the Bible.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And if you drop a nickel, y'all, shoulder roll. Go for it. That's a fucking pig pile, everybody. It's like a scrum. Jew scrum. All right. You can't do better.

[Dawson]

Hey, this, this. I will top that. You can't do better.

[Adam Carolla]

Jew scrum.

[Dawson]

I won't top that. But on this. This is just a more. More, you know, type moment with. This just reminded me with white. I was listening to an old show of yours and you were talking about the, the shirts, the white shirts that you wear. And you'll go on a talk show and it'll get all orange.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the makeup, the makeup.

[Dawson]

And you're like, what do these guys do? How do they do Kimmel? Every night they've got. Are they throwing these out? Right. A wardrobe person told me the other day there's something called tacking, which I've never heard about. I don't know if you guys have heard of this, but they sort of dye the shirt so it's a little off white. It's like a gray. And for some reason things don't show up as badly. Ah so and it's come off or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah so meaning there you go. The more you know. So when you're gonna put something on camera they'll tell you don't wear a white shirt because it pops too much.

[Dawson]

That helps.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll take a white shirt. It's kind of interesting. Now you guys are gonna be bored by this but Ferrari, everyone thinks of Ferraris as red Ferraris but their racing color is orange which looks red on tv.

[Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

The red like looks too red on TV but the orange looks like it's red. Yes. So I think it's called scuderia or something like that. But the point is this is a version of that. Get your a white shirt is too much white and it pops too much. So they gray it up. But still doesn't it still you still get that ring around the collar. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's why you gotta rub it with Crisco first.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what it is?

[Dawson]

There was something about it where she said that things stains don't show up. But also makeup and stuff rolls off it maybe changes the texture.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm really getting interested. All right. Speaking of Interesting.01 Media Center. That's right, your Apple specialist. All the latest products from Apple including accessories and peripherals and upgrades. I don't even know what a peripheral is. What is that? Like what's earbuds?

[Bryan Cranston]

Accessory?

[Adam Carolla]

No, an accessory.

[Bryan Cranston]

External hard drives and all sorts.

[Adam Carolla]

USB cords.

[Bryan Cranston]

USB ports and cords.

[Adam Carolla]

And founded by the way by a post production professional. So if you want to make yourself a bio movie, edit, whatever, they'll build you a special computer, TV, radio. They built all our computers for us. Over 15 years experience Apple certified technicians available for computer repair and remote tech support. I like that because again you don't have to press the flash or worse look into anyone's eye. 310-651-8488 or you can check out our good friends at Zero One Media center online. Zero One Mediacenter.com Good guys, been with us all along. One of the first guys to get on board here. 01mediacenter.com all right, Jordan Rubin the download everyone. Comedycentral.com smash the download August 24th coming back, coming back. Demetri Martin will be on it. Andy Dick, Judah Friedlander coming up. Also you can check out his website. Mr. Jordanrubin.com Mr. Spelled just M Dan is it M-R Mr. Jordanrubin.com and you can Twitter him at Jordan Rubin. Jordan, always great to see you.

[Dawson]

Thanks for having me on.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fun. Mazel tov. Until next time. This is Adam Carolla for bald Bryan. Jordan Ruman, Allison Rosen. Rosen saying Mahala, you got to get a shot in the ass. All right, this is Jordan Rubin on the acs. Coming up next, for our final clip today, we have Adam Carillo show. 1636. Adam and Bryan Cranston, one on one, 2015. Check it out. And now Lynch's lame joke just takes time away from Cranston, so I'm skipping it. Adam Corolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get on mandate. Get on. Welcome back to the studio, Brian Cranston.

[Dr. Bruce]

Hey, good to be back, my friend. How are you?

[Adam Carolla]

I have such a great affection for Bryan Cranston. And I, I was, I was thinking Brian's got a Amazon show, Sneaky Pete. By the way, Giovanni Ribisi is the artist in the show. And this is, this is now. Are you producing?

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm producing it. Yeah. This, I co wrote the story, too.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can download the pilot for free today on Amazon. So you go to Amazon Video and you can take a look at the pilot and then we'll go into the series.

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, yeah, I mean, if everybody likes it well enough, which I hope, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Dr. Bruce]

But they have this really unique way of testing their pilots by putting it out to the people who would actually want to watch it or not. And they trust the opinions, which is a really refreshing thing, which is so adverse to what the normal networks do and just kind of keep it insulated. And this is what we like it. This is what we want, or this is what we think people are going to want.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's insane when you see like, you know, the Amazon and Netflix and all the, you know, the Emmy nomination starts coming out And Netflix gets 23 or whatever it is. You know, Radio Shack gets 44 Emmy nominations this year. And it's like your mind is blown. Cause like at first it was HBO and you're kind of going, well, that doesn't sound like NBC, but all right, maybe they're doing some programming over there. All right, hbo and it's like a Showtime and then, okay, Brand New World, TNT or something. And now it's just wide open.

[Dr. Bruce]

Wide open. Everything that we knew about the television business model when we were coming up is completely changed.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, can I liken it to this? And you tell me if you think this an apt analogy. For a million years, there was the big three, it was just, you know, GM and Ford and Chevy and that, that was about it. And they sort of. Honda started poking around with their little, the engine. You know, the tires were the size of shopping cart wheels and they had motorcycle engines in them. And the big three were just laughing. They're like, make a Buick Riviera.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, beat that, beat that.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't need your little fucking four bangers. With your fuel economy. It's 49 cents a gallon. Get the fuck out of here. They were like getting laid in that car and they just laughed and laughed and laughed. And the next thing you know, they sort of looked around and went, everyone's driving a Toyota, everyone's driving a Honda. Wait a minute. They. If fuel prices are through the roof, I sort of feel like that way with the big three networks. It's ironic that there's the big three and the big three automotive and Detroit and the big three networks. But they sort of sat around and went, come on, show Netflix. What are you going to do? Make a movie?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, come on. I mean, I guess you'd have to include Fox. You have to include Fox. So the big four. But it has some parallels to it, doesn't it? And now you're looking at a whole new dynamic. Part of the, the hesitation I had initially and signing on to do Breaking Bad was the fact that it was going to be on American movie classics.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Dr. Bruce]

What, they showed old movies on that channel?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Dr. Bruce]

Would I. Are you sure?

[Adam Carolla]

What, Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

And then I saw the pilot to Mad Men. That was before it had aired.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

I saw the pilot and I thought, oh my God, if this is what they're doing, then they're serious.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and now the great news is just like there used to be a stigma between toggling back and forth from doing features to doing television. Like, you know, hey, Brian, you're a feature guy. You can't be doing, you can't be slumming it on tv. You're going to get cast, typecast, pardon the pun, into just a TV guy. I like the just Wild west of everyone gets to do everything. But the caveat is it's got to perform. You got to bring it. Yeah, you, you have to do a show like Breaking Bad or Mad Men. It's gotta be good. That's, that's, there's one. That's that sort of thing where it's like, I want to say to every 17 year old kid who goes, I can make my own album, I can have my own CDs, I can have my own YouTube channel. I always want to stop them before they leave and go, hold on, not so fast. It's got to be really good.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, that's right. And that's the same thing in the auto business. When. When those cars first came out, they said, okay, well, they're tin cans.

[Adam Carolla]

Let.

[Dr. Bruce]

Let. They'll have that market. We don't want to be in that market anyway. And then they started making better cars. And now you look at Toyota, and you look at, you know, Nissan, and they're. They're really terrific cars.

[Adam Carolla]

They are. And they forced Ford to up their game, which means AMC is going to force ABC to up their game as well.

[Dr. Bruce]

And I think that's what's happening.

[Adam Carolla]

And ultimately, it's the consumer that's gonna win, because there's 30 different makes and models of cars, and they're all great. And now I would grow up and I was watching Dukes of Hazzard followed by Fantasy Island.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, Just tears.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. I would watch Family Affair and be like, is eight too young to kill yourself? I don't feel like there's a lot left to accomplish.

[Dr. Bruce]

Duke's a hazard. All you wanted to see. Let me give me a decent chase and let me see the Daisy Dukes. Let me see maybe a little ass cheek hanging out of the Daisy Dukes.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a little ass cheek.

[Dr. Bruce]

Just a little something.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was thinking about you as.

[Dr. Bruce]

I was thinking about this, when I mentioned ass cheek. Did you.

[Adam Carolla]

That made me think about you.

[Dr. Bruce]

I thought so.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought, I love Krantz. He's such a good guy, such a humble guy, such a guy's guy. And then I thought, I think I'm gonna chalk it up to you having success at a later part of your career. Not too early, not too often. No head case, boy band, child star syndrome. Do you feel like Bryan Cranston's psyche was sort of. The cement was dry on your psyche, and then you became immensely successful and popular.

[Dr. Bruce]

I think that's. I mean, if you could write a story on how you'd like to become successful, that's the. That's the model. There is a saying in China that wishes you early, huge success in your life. And it's meant as a curse because it's meant to say, you cannot handle that.

[Jordan Rubin]

Look at.

[Adam Carolla]

We.

[Dr. Bruce]

We see examples over and over again in. In the, you know, in the sports world or in young rap artists or, you know, singing sensations or whatever. And they don't. They don't have the life experience to realize that, hey, this is a wave Ride the wave for as long as you can, and then it's going to end and be prepared when it's over.

[Adam Carolla]

And so. And also, I was thinking, I don't know, I always, I was watching Godzilla the other night and you know, it's a big monster movie, Gozera. But Cranston was so good in it that that scene where you'd locked your wife out of the vapor lock door and she couldn't come through it, and you're looking at her through the triple thick bulletproof glass was so moving. And I thought, well, if you're a good actor, you can apply it to any genre. I mean, here we are watching. Incredible, incredible moment. An incredible scene in Godzilla, which I like.

[Dr. Bruce]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

But I just thought there was so much humanity just kind of pouring through your face at that moment in that scene. And I thought, is that a skill that is learned or is it something that's honed, that somehow exists, but it needs to be watered and sort of nurtured and fostered?

[Dr. Bruce]

Being authentic and truthful?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the face, the tears, that's the inflection. I mean, you could have gone 13 different. You could have screamed up at the heavens as loud as you possibly could have and sort of done it that way. But what you did in that one moment was just so insanely authentic.

[Dr. Bruce]

I fake authenticity, I know, on a.

[Adam Carolla]

Regular basis, but it's completely believable. There's no reason for you to ever get a ticket again in your life. Every cop should believe that you're pregnant. I think you could say I'm rushing myself to the hospital. Caitlin. Caitlyn Jenner got me pregnant.

[Dr. Bruce]

I need, I'm dropping any moment now. I've already busted my water.

[Adam Carolla]

Just spill your beer out between your legs and go, that's my water. It just broke. Don't. The malt liquor scent. Let's not pay attention to that.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, truth be told, I, I, I did get pulled over in New Mexico a couple times for speeding. And I did take off my sunglasses and my hat and give the officer a direct look to see if there's a chance. And I thought for the first time, this is what it must be to be a good looking woman. To say, okay, here it is. Maybe unbutton a little one. Just a little peek a boo. And I looked at them and I said, I'm sorry, officer. You know, and trying to drop my voice the way Walter White and I got out of both tickets, they went, oh, dude. And it's yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I Tell people, yes, I've said being a hot chick is the ultimate celebrity, number one. And then number two, if somebody says, you know, what's it like having celebrity? I say, you know, it's not like you get a bunch of shit for free. It's like you went to high school with everybody. And if a guy you went to high school with pulled you over, they go, oh, hey, Brian. Hey, man, I need to go. What have you been up to? Well, I'm a cop, you know, you go, what are you up to? And you go, I sell aluminum siding. And go, oh, all right. Well, slow it down, man, and I'll see you at the reunion. He doesn't get out and give you a blow job, and he doesn't put a coat of carnauba wax on your car. But he's like a guy you went to high school with. Or like when you go to a club and there's a guy standing at the door going, nah, slow your roll. And then you go, oh, hey, Brian, granted, yeah, come in. He's not massaging your balls and buying you drinks. It's just he kind of goes, it's like going to high school.

[Dr. Bruce]

You're hanging out with the wrong people because I get my balls massaged.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, you were the class president. The class clown. So, Cranston, I just another, I don't know, semi loaded question here, but is there pressure being a good guy? Because you are a good guy. And three times a year when I email you, you email me back with something nice almost immediately, and you're probably thinking, oh, fuck, the douche with the Jew fro wants something. Why did I ever give him my fucking email address? But you always write something positive or friendly.

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, what's. I don't understand the alternative.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's foreign to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's not foreign to a lot of people, is what I'm saying. Really?

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, I mean, so you write someone. You wrote. If you wrote someone that you knew or someone in show business, and they either don't write you back or they write, what do you want?

[Adam Carolla]

Well. Well, I mean, there's a hierarchy, I think, in this town. There are people who sort of rely on that sort of pecking order of, what am I doing? What are you doing? Where am I at? Where you at? So on and so forth. And it's not that they don't. It's not that they're rude about it, but it's a sort of a quiet understood sort of thing. And you don't possess that you possess a very regular, down earth friendly gene. But I guess what I'm saying is do you ever feel like there's pressure because you're known as such a jovial, easy, friendly guy. And I'm using myself as an example. Stupid. But I just mean when you walk in and people want to say hi, people want to take a picture and people want to compliment you or pat you on the back or whatever it is, and sometimes your personal space gets invaded a little bit or you're out to dinner with your wife and at the third person has come to the table and you're trying to eat.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's funny you mentioned that because that's what I try to do is set up a boundary so that I don't sign anything or take any pictures with someone who approaches me at a table when I'm with family or friends. So I try to set that up and I say it politely and I'd say, hey, you know, if you. Afterward I'll catch you outside, we'll take a picture or something. But. Right. And most people are cool with that and they get it.

[Adam Carolla]

But in your life it's just your wiring is of a good natured, jovial person.

[Dr. Bruce]

Hey, you and I have very similar backgrounds in the sense of where we were raised and the economic status that we didn't have growing up. And you kind of find a way to survive and you had some shit jobs to do when you were coming up and so did I. Really, really hard ass jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian was in the San Fernando Valley and he was deep into the San Fernando Valley like, you know, when Manson was hanging out and it wasn't really developed. And I know because I went out to Chatsworth in the mid or later 80s to go to work in a cabinet shop for a construction firm. And back in the later 80s, mid later 80s, there wasn't much going on. There's a lot of dirt lots out there and porn. Porn and industrial parks and things of that nature. So you grew up in a pretty sparse area, the San Fernando Valley. I remember you telling me about your mom packing up the Cadillac and going over the hill to go to the swap meet and that kind of sell the stuff out on the lawn and that kind of stuff. So you appreciate it.

[Dr. Bruce]

How can you not if you go through that kind of background and. And literally went week to week with a cash business selling wares, selling anything you can at swap meets to try to stave off the wolves at the door and eventually succumbing to it because we got foreclosed on. We got kicked out of our house. Our family split up and it was traumatic. But because of that, you know, you try to find a silver lining out of that. What did I learn from that? And it's, you can't take anything for granted. Nobody owes you thing, and the only thing that you can do is work harder than anybody else.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel, and I've said this, and I feel like it's going away. There used to be this division. Well, he does serious acting and then he does comedy acting. And now I see many examples. You're definitely one of them. Where you go, oh, this guy can do a sitcom and then he can go play Walter White and then he can go do Godzilla and then he can go on stage and be FDR or sorry, Lyndon, Lyndon B. Johnson. And I think, oh, that's right, he's talented. He gets to do what he wants. He's not any of these people. He's just talented and he gets to do what he wants.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm very, very lucky. No, no, no, no. I am. I am extremely lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I will say this. You got good bones.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, that's lucky.

[Dr. Bruce]

I don't mean to say that, to have false modesty and say I'm not talented because I do feel I have very confidence in my talent to perform. But that's not enough. In order to be successful in the arts, you have to be talented, have patience, be persistent, have a good working work ethic. And you have to be lucky. You will not be successful without a healthy dose of luck. If you went back and asked everybody that you interview, where was your breaks, what happened and what were the circumstances? You'll find out. Oh, this guy dropped out and I was standing there and all of a sudden the guy waved me to come in and there it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the way I feel about luck. I'm trying to convince my nine year old twins that they're unlucky. Not only do they have me for a dad, but I don't want them to think they're lucky because I want them to think when it comes down to it, if it's going to be a coin toss, you're going to lose every time. I want you to out hustle, outwork and outsh the next guy's applying for the job.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you will win that job, meaning win by knockout. Don't leave it up to the hometown judges. But obviously everyone has that moment that you're calling luck. But you were prepared for that moment when it Came about, I don't know. Do you have a specific moment that you can look at for you and call it lucky?

[Dr. Bruce]

Several moments.

[Adam Carolla]

What would be your top three?

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, let's say that how I got Breaking Bad, I was. I wrote and directed and raised the money myself, a little movie called Last Chance, little romantic drama. It's really sweet. And we went out to the desert to shoot it. And I was back four days in la and I got this call to do an audition for a kind of a ne'er do well kind of guy on X Files. I had pushed that movie four times and I could have easily have pushed it again and not been available for that audition.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Dr. Bruce]

I was. I got that job. Vince Gilligan was the writer of that episode and he wrote this character that was despicable. He was an asshole and yet there was something sympathetic about him. Ten years later he writes Breaking Bad and he feels that Walter White had to be someone who, despite his actions, you still felt sympathy for. And he couldn't get me out of his mind. And he calls me in and we were supposed to have a 20 minute meeting and we ended up having an hour and a half meeting. And out of that, he says, you're my guy. And he tells AMC and Sony, our studio, yeah, I want Bryan Cranston to do this. And they said, the goofy dad from Malcolm in the Middle? He said, no, no, he's an actor. That's what they do. And he, we should test this. We should bring in. There was. Steve Zahn was mentioned, Matthew Broderick was mentioned. A lot of other people were mentioned to come in to test. And I was going to test. And then another lucky break happened. I get a call from then head of Fox, Peter Liguri, nice guy. And Peter says, well, I want you to do a pilot for Fox. And I read the script. It was a thing called Nurses where I played the head of a nursing head of a hospital and whatever. And I wasn't that interested in it, but it was nice to have the offer. We floated that out there in the circles, in the gossip circles, that I had this offer. So Sony and AMC heard about it and called me and called the agency and said, okay, we're not going to test. If Brian wants the role of Walter White, it's his right.

[Adam Carolla]

Because they didn't want to lose you.

[Dr. Bruce]

So all these kind of things happen that are.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, I mean, but that. I think that's prevalent in almost everyone's life in every career.

[Dr. Bruce]

Those lucky breaks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or just opportunities, moments, things where Things align. I mean, it's kind of hard. We have to sort of stand back because we are sort of wired to kind of go, how come every time the cable guy's supposed to come out between noon and three and I wait for him all day and then he shows, Then I go to the supermarket at 3:15 thinking he's not gonna. Then that asshole shows every time, every time, every time. But no, it's not every time. There are times when he shows up right at noon, but you don't count it. You know, you don't take note of it or make a note of it. And I think in everyone's life and everyone's career, there's a moment where you met someone who did something for you or there was some happenstance or circumstance or something worked out. It happens to be. When it comes to acting, it's on a much grander scale because it's a bigger payday than roofing or running a pool cleaning operation. Or as my carpet cleaning boss, Art Fuss, told me the future was an aquarium cleaning. That's what I needed to get into. I needed to make the big bucks and transition into cleaning aquariums.

[Dr. Bruce]

But you've made a huge mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

I do think that that exists in life. And it's just the stakes are much higher because you end up getting a series and a paycheck and many, many opportunities. But when I think of Bryan Cranston, I just think of. Of a great work ethic, a better person, and an immense talent, but immense talent that has been honed very nicely.

[Dr. Bruce]

Over the years and a guy who's burdened with a huge cock.

[Adam Carolla]

Girth wise, yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

Not length, no.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I wear condoms that have horizontal stripes on them. It makes you look thinner and it makes the sharks think it's a sea snake. And they stay away from, like the.

[Dr. Bruce]

Boner you had in Roadheart.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Oh, God bless. Being a part of that.

[Dr. Bruce]

That movie was really good. Oh, my God. And the, the mark of, of for me. I can appreciate that because I'm a guy and I could relate. My wife loved that movie. Oh, we sat and watched that movie months ago and it was. It was terrific. Really, really terrific. I have one. One problem with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

This idea that you wouldn't bone that hot drunk chair just because you were gonna lose $250.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. With the, with the smoking in my bathroom. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

I just. I don't know. I think, I think that's. I think you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have. I would have Paid the cleaning fee?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, I. I think my character had been so traumatized by the 250 cleaning fee from, like, act one. Yeah, he. He fixated a little too hard on.

[Dr. Bruce]

It, but I would have a little hard on it. Very good. Play it.

[Adam Carolla]

Chick was great, by the way.

[Dr. Bruce]

She was terrific.

[Adam Carolla]

She was a great. She said, by the way, you know, when you write movies and Brian will. I'll be curious. You tell me. But there's always a joke where everyone laughs, where they're not really supposed to laugh or they don't. You never care. They didn't write it that way. And then there's always ones where nobody laughs. And it was supposed. It's supposed to be. I mean, you're supposed to get the laugh, but you never get it. I think at some point she said, who are you, the surgeon Admiral? And it always.

[Dr. Bruce]

I always thought it was funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought that was funny, too. But I don't think anyone ever laughed when they saw it.

[Dr. Bruce]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, thank you, Bryan Cranston now.

[Dr. Bruce]

And being the star of the Submarine show, the sitcom that you.

[Adam Carolla]

Close Quarters.

[Dr. Bruce]

Close Quarters. I still haven't seen a nickel of residual money from that show.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I. Can I tell you how pumped my kids are to be on a fake poster with Bryan Cranston, who was in Poor Brian. All he gets does is get hit up for fucking favors by me. But that's why, by the way, I'm going to tell you guys to watch Sneaky Pete. Sneaky Pete and go to Amazon and you should give it a lovely review. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying. But it'll be good. You can download the pilot for free today on Amazon Video. And now it's not.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's not. It's not Breaking Bad Dark. In fact, it's kind of fun. It is a lot of fun. Actually.

[Adam Carolla]

I kind of have this question for you. How much of your writing has improved by all the great words other people have put in your mouth?

[Dr. Bruce]

The way you put that. It sounds dirty.

[Adam Carolla]

It's girthy. Yeah. Quite a bit, I would imagine. I would imagine that being exposed to oodles of great dialogue.

[Dr. Bruce]

In fact, that's the technical term, oodles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's gonna sound bad again, but reams, Gilligan, just reaming all reams of great, great dog just over again. Just pounding in the back of your throat, pulsating, thrusting word after word after word, gushing with verbiage all over your face.

[Dr. Bruce]

How much of it Until I spew a performance.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. How much of that has affected your rhyming? I couldn't hurt it. But is there. There's two ways you can do it. One is you can kind of like, absorb it and kind of go, I'm better for being exposed to this. There's another part that can go like, oh, I could never rise to this level. How?

[Dr. Bruce]

I don't. I don't look at it like trying to compete with Vince. He's brilliant, and I've never thought that my writing would be in competition with his. I do what I do. However, he raised the bar, my sensibility and my demand on my own work, and therefore the other people that I work with has risen.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, do. Do you. When you're doing. Now, obviously, when you're doing a movie like Argo, it's like, all right, everything's great and everyone is great. But then there are movies where, hey, I needed. It's a nice payday. I'm gonna play part in a movie. Maybe the script isn't spectacular, but I want my stuff to be the way I'd like it to be.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, but no, it doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there any of that?

[Dr. Bruce]

No, the. The thing is, is that once you get. If you get lucky enough to get in this position, you really shouldn't do anything where the script is not good, because it will. It won't make you look good. It's almost like if you. If you're a good tennis player, it doesn't do you any good to play tennis with someone who's terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh, yeah. People looking might go, God, that guy's good and that guy's terrible. Well, what does that do for you?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

It doesn't improve your game. People don't want to watch the tennis match. They want to see something that is compelling. And so if you're surround yourself with people who are terrific, a script that's great and a director that has a clear, interesting vision, it could still fuck up. It could still all go south. It's such a delicate recipe.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's so funny that you said recipe, because I was thinking, as you were describing this, that sense of angst when you're making a movie. I've kind of. I did it with Roadheart and then the Hammer as well, but. And I did this Paul Newman documentary that you don't quite have that sense when you're doing a documentary or that same pressure because you didn't write the script. This is someone else's life. You're just sort of telling it. But, but I always tell people and they go like, you know, how's it going? How's the movie going? Or how's it going? How's it coming together? How's the shooting going? I go, look, it's sort of a stew. And I always say you can take all the best ingredients and all the ingredients you love the most. You just love that veal shank and you love the potatoes and you love the big chunks of carrot. Like you love the little paprika, like you love everything. You put it in the stew and you let it steep and simmer and you put the lid on it and everything. And at a certain point it's time to drop the ladle in and take just a little off the ladle. And even with all your favorite ingredients and all the best, highest quality ingredients, you can just kind of look up and go, it's not bad.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, but it didn't come together.

[Adam Carolla]

Considering everything that's in this pot as all stuff I love the best and chose and so on and so forth. I just took a hit off that ladle and it's like, it's the worst moment in the world where it's like just didn't work.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's true. Well, it's what you were saying earlier about someone, I guess I'll go do this. Well, you have to do it really well or else it doesn't make any. What difference does it make?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

So a lot of people say they're going to go out and make a movie and, and people think that it should be easy and they, and audiences shouldn't know how difficult it is to put together a film. And the, and the frustrations and the artistic disagreements and arguments and you know, failures, quite frankly, that happens the second choices. Someone dropped out at the last minute, you get a replacement. Nobody knows what's going on behind the curtain. And it is like a magic trick. So you shouldn't pull the curtain back and say, this is how tough it was. It either works or it doesn't work. And audiences shouldn't care about the problems that you had putting together a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

But when you're in the middle of it, you just don't know, which is weird because if you're playing in a jazz quartet and you're in the middle of Tangerine and you're jamming away, you know what's going on. And when you're up on stage and there's a microphone in your hand and you're doing some stand up comedy and it's kicking ass. Or you're balls deep in a hot chick. Bring it to the section. You know? You know, in the moment. You know, in the moment when I'm driving one of Paul Newman's race cars and it's going nicely. I'm aware of it right down to the millisecond. But the movie is weird because you're like, well, in nine months, we're gonna get a rough cut.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And we'll get some idea.

[Dr. Bruce]

It is like pregnancy in that sense. Really? You think, well, well, we did everything right. And my wife is eating well and she's not smoking and drinking. And then stopped. All that. Four years.

[Adam Carolla]

Four years later, you're looking at a kid and he's eating a candle and you're going, I guess it just didn't work out that well. All right, let me give a little love because I can keep going with Cranston. I got some of your social media questions here, by the way.

[Dr. Bruce]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

DraftKings. Ah, golf's final major starts next week. @draftkings.com they're giving out 3.3 million bucks. In prizes are crowning this year's fantasy golf millionaire. This is why the terrorists hate us. We have fantasy golf millionaires?

[Dr. Bruce]

That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not even actual golf millionaires.

[Dr. Bruce]

I thought. Are you in the middle of a commercial?

[Adam Carolla]

I am.

[Dr. Bruce]

Okay. I should not interject.

[Adam Carolla]

You can.

[Dr. Bruce]

So what is it?

[Adam Carolla]

DraftKings.

[Dr. Bruce]

DraftKings. Is that legal now again?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

I didn't know that they made that legal again.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not only that. It's mandatory. Must participate.

[Dr. Bruce]

I think it's pretty awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. We're living in a great country. Just pick six golfers, pile up the points, and pick up your cash. And even, by the way, the. The event begins with the tournament, so choose your golfers before the upcoming Thursday's tee off and you'll be in. It is your Last chance. It's DraftKings. DraftKings.com Dawson, hurry to DraftKings.com now and use promo code Adam to play for free for a shot to become a millionaire. Enter adam [e-mail] draftkings.com that's draftkings.com so what's coming up there, Cranny? I know you can't talk about everything, and I know sneaky Pete is the show du jour, but obviously there's some movies come in, some movies in the can, some people you're working with some things going on.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, well, sneaky Pete is a great series. It's a pilot series. It's about a guy who is a con artist who takes on the identity of a cellmate and tries to hide out from the mob that he owns, owes money to. And while he's trying to raise the money to pay the mob back, he takes a job with this new assumed family as a skip tracer, which is a guy who finds people who bailed out. Right. They skipped out on their bail. They're not showing up to court. So the family that he's. Is infiltrated, basically, is. Owns a bail bonds company. And so we call it Sneaky Pete.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're writing, producing, but not in as talent, or are you?

[Dr. Bruce]

I might make an appearance.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what we all. We all thirst for.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's. It's a lot of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

So. And again, easy. You just go to go on Amazon Video and you can download the pilot for free. All right. Some folks from social media have some questions for you. Are you in regular contact with Aaron Paul?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dr. Bruce]

We're buds, so, yeah, absolutely. We're in contact with each other a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

How about a Walter White cameo on Better Call Saul?

[Dr. Bruce]

Possible, Possible, possible.

[Adam Carolla]

Been discussed?

[Dr. Bruce]

It has been discussed. I think there are people who would like to see that. But knowing Vince Gilligan and Peter Gould who run the show, they wouldn't do anything that. That jeopardizes the. The verisimilitude of the show, shall we say?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, so if it's logical in the story sense and character sense that somehow before Walter's final two years of his life, if he runs into Saul at some point or has some other kind of connection, I would do it in a second because I miss those people. And it would be fun to jump back into that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel a sense of gratitude for Vince?

[Dr. Bruce]

Undying gratitude.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, not that you're going to, but you should give him 10% of everything you make from this.

[Dr. Bruce]

Let's not go that far. But I'm saying, yeah, I'll give him a handy. I'll give him a handy. I'll go.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he'd probably prefer the 10% unless he could film the handy and have the handy go viral. It's funny, I was looking at one of these questions here about you and that thing you do and playing Buzz Aldrin and all that stuff, but one of the things I really enjoy, I really enjoyed that movie, number one, that thing you do. I just thought it was fun. It was really fun. Nice movie. And it was exactly what it presented itself as being. And it had a pop song that was actually a good pop song. And when I was watching you in a very small role. Very small, but it was funny because it's sort of more interesting to watch really good actors in really small roles sometimes than just chew up the scenery, because they only have that. It's sort of. It's like one of those celebrity softball games where you only get one trip to the plate. And, you know, anyone's capable of popping out or grounding out or hitting a comebacker to the pitcher and dribbling it back there. I mean, I played a game where Wade Boggs, like, popped out twice. You know what I mean? The guy had a batting crown for five years, you know, in softball, he popped out to the third baseman twice. But the point is this, the little role, when I saw you as Buzz Aldrin in that movie, it's during when they're doing this sort of, I guess, called the sort of Ed Sullivan show type type show.

[Dr. Bruce]

I was actually Gus Grissom.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're Gus Grissom. I'm sorry. Apollo 1, when you said it's like Gina, Lola, Bridget is body or something is out of this world, you did it in a way an astronaut would have done it. Like, you did not nail the joke very well at all. Like, you did a really. So it was fun to watch a really good actor do a really shitty job at landing a joke on a show.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, it was actually tough because your instinct is saying, no, that doesn't sound good. So your instinct is to try to land it. And then I had to just tweak. Was fun to do.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's funny watching a good actor be a bad actor for a few seconds because he's an astronaut attempting to read off cue cards and deliver a joke.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, that's. That's someone who taught me a lot. Tom Hanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Tom Hanks, yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

He taught me a lot. Well, he. He taught me a lot of. About how to behave, how to accept, how to communicate, conduct yourself in public and, you know, before the press and how to be congenial without sacrificing your personal freedoms. He was a. He's a master at it. And. And that's why he has that reputation of being a good guy. He is a good guy. I've known him personally for many years now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I. I've seen him. I would go to the Shakespeare Festival thing that he would do to raise the money every year and get all the folks to come out and go do that and everything. And he's just Such a great sense of humor about himself. He seems like we opened the show by sort of talking about you and talking about your sensibility and having that sense of. I guess I think of what it is, is a comfort in your own skin where you don't feel like you have to dance or you don't have to feel like you have to put up a front or some bravado or now you have to do your. Your impression of a celebrity when he goes out to dinner or whatever. It is you. You. A comfort in your own skin, which I'm. I'm guessing aids in the acting quite a bit because it's not good to get up in your head.

[Dr. Bruce]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're. When you're acting. And it also comes back to being a civilian for so many years, that when it came time to be a celebrity, the civilian part of your brain was dominant. Yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

And I'm still getting used to that because it is an abnormal way of life to have everyone, not everyone, but nearly everyone that sees you in public makes some sort of recognizable move, either verbally or physically, or they want to meet you or talk to you or take a picture. And the thing is, now everyone is a photographer with their iPhone and everyone wants a picture and things like that. And it's going to immediately be around the world. That little picture off the cuff picture that you didn't quite open your eyes to is going to be around the world. So that's.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm starting to smile because I've done it a million times where the drunken chick says, oh, one more, last one, last one, one more, last one. And I always say, that's not the last one for you. Exactly right. Not me. There's other people here that are gonna take more and I don't have to do it like you have to do it. I could only imagine that. But I think. And I think it's fun. And I don't know if you're this way, but. But every once in a while, for fun, if somebody comes up and says, my friend over there is a huge fan, but she's really nervous, or he's really nervous and he doesn't want to say anything, but it would really make his day and blah, blah, blah, I think it's fun to go over that person and hug them. Like just hug them hard, just almost to fuck with them, but just because you can. Just because it's. Why not just. Why not blow that person's mind?

[Dr. Bruce]

I do that a lot just for my own entertainment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

So you'll Be signing some autographs and taking pictures with people. And then one guy will say, can I have a picture? And I'll go, no. And he'll look at me, I'll go, no, I have to draw a line somewhere. No. And then I'll start to walk away or something's like, oh, my God. And then come back.

[Adam Carolla]

And, you know, I must say, my. My Cranston is such a fine actor that my dad isn't what you would call a fan of mine. I'm not, but he's not a fan.

[Dr. Bruce]

He's not a fan of yours?

[Adam Carolla]

Not a fan. I mean, not. He doesn't have anything against me. He's just. He's a quiet man who doesn't exactly know what I do. I do not believe still to this.

[Dr. Bruce]

Day, he's like, so you talk on radio, but it's not radio.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

So what do you do?

[Adam Carolla]

I. He really doesn't know. And he doesn't read the books or see the movies or do any of that, but he's very proud. He's a proud man. And I had him at my house, and I said, you know what I think would get some traction with him, because I think my stepmom was talking about Breaking Bad and how much she loved you. I said, well, you know, I did a video to raise money for Roadheart and Mr. Cranston, I said, I'll show it to you. It was the kind of thing they would never see. And then I said, the problem with doing something like this with Bryan Cranston is he's such a good actor. And it was reminding me, as you were telling that person in Jess, you weren't going to take a picture of them. I was believing you. I thought I just asked to take a picture and you're denying me. And I was crushed. My soul was momentarily crushed, but I said, now, the problem with the video is Cranston is so goddamn good that he gets all the credit for all the jokes. I said, I wrote all the jokes. Those are my jokes. When. When he says podcart, that's my joke. And I said, so going into it, understand stepmom and dad, you're gonna see Cranston be super funny. But understand, those are my jokes.

[Dr. Bruce]

Boy, that's just sad of you, just screaming for attention. Yeah, no wonder he doesn't like you screaming.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, oh, again, look, it's not that he doesn't like me. I think the jury's out is the way he's looking at it. He doesn't want to Commit.

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh, well, I like you.

[Adam Carolla]

I thank you. And I, I, I, I appreciate that appreciation.

[Dr. Bruce]

He brought you something.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he brought me something. Well, can I, can I say this? I'll just finish. They watched it?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad said that was the greatest, funniest thing he'd ever seen me do or involved with. Not that he had much to choose from. He didn't see many episodes of the man show, but he watched it and then he stopped when we were done and he said, did Brian just come up with all that stuff just off the cuff? And I said, first off, I told you four minutes ago. No, but you're, it was so convincing that you actually, that's, that, that was actually the thought. I guess that's, you know, job done as an actor. Now, what did you bring me?

[Dr. Bruce]

I brought, I brought you a bottle of alcohol.

[Adam Carolla]

What? How did you know?

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, here, take a look.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian is handing it to me. Ah, Heisenberg. It is the one who knocks. It's blue ice. It's handcrafted. Oh, it's American vodka. Yes. Oh, that is nice.

[Dr. Bruce]

A little blue tint to it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's sweet.

[Dr. Bruce]

When did Heisenberg Vodka.

[Adam Carolla]

When did this. It's a limited edition. Yeah, I brought some Mangria over to your place. So now turnabout. Turnabout is fair play.

[Dr. Bruce]

I love the Mangria.

[Adam Carolla]

When, when did this come about?

[Dr. Bruce]

This came out earlier this year and it's, it's hard to find now because they're, they're, they're flying off the shelf. So I expect you to just put that up on ebay so you can buy a, you know, a water cooler or something here for the.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Well, I'll drink it first. I'll need you to autograph it, obviously, so I can fetch it so you can sell it. Well, yeah, it's going, it's getting sold. It's just. What's it getting sold for?

[Dr. Bruce]

Need the honesty. That's all I create.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I love it. I love. Had a little vodka last night. So I will, I will def. And it will not be re gifted or sit on a shelf. I will definitely drink it. So where do we find it, by the way? As long as we're talking, I think.

[Dr. Bruce]

You have to go online to find Heisenberg vodka. I don't actually think it's made it to the store. I think you have to order it. I honestly don't know where you find it, but I'm sure there are people who know regular Puff Daddy over here.

[Adam Carolla]

With your pitch session. Blueicevodka.com Blueicevodka.com Is that right? That's where you go. Speaking of online lifelock. Oh, you got to protect your identity. Lifelock ultimate. Look, whether you go online and buy vodka like I do or you're just at the gas station swiping the debit card, the thieves are there. They're skimming. They have the skimming devices. Use the public wi fi that can steal your identity. That's it. You don't want your identity stolen. You do all this business online. Lifelock. It's protection. It's 2015. It's what you need. Protect your Social Security number, bank retirement accounts, credit cards, even home equity. No one can prevent all that should be a new word. No one can prevent all identity theft. Monitor every transaction at every business. But enroll now with lifelong. And in minutes, your protection begins. It's LifeLock. Dawson. Visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership. That's promo code [e-mail] to get a special 10 discount.

[Dr. Bruce]

LifeLock.com it's great how Adam sacrificed his lungs and chain smokes just so he can maintain that gravelly voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just like. It's magical because a lot of people think that's Dawson in another room. They don't see me just slide right into that gravelly announcer voice. Unbelievable.

[Dr. Bruce]

I meant Dawson. What did I say? I said Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's all right. I listen. I went to the Groundlings. I just jumped right in behind you.

[Dr. Bruce]

You did. You didn't deny?

[Adam Carolla]

I did not deny.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And not only that, but I wish someone. That should be your next series. It's called first year at the Groundlings. And they go lights down and. And somebody starts a physical activity, and they grab one knee and they're down, futzing with somebody. And the one guy enters from off stage and he says, how's that fire going? And the other guy goes, fire. I'm changing a flat. And then Cynthia Sagetti yells from the back, stop. Enter again. He's starting a fire.

[Dr. Bruce]

Wow. You did it too. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you go.

[Dr. Bruce]

I went to groundlings. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What was your.

[Dr. Bruce]

Cynthia Segetti.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dr. Bruce]

Was one of my teachers Mindy Sterling.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Dr. Bruce]

Fine actress. She's one of my teachers.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys will know her from Austin Power.

[Dr. Bruce]

Austin Powers. She's the woman in black.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jordan Rubin]

Scott.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She. Cynthia Sageti was such a ball buster. My God. Now, it was one of those things.

[Dr. Bruce]

She was right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she was right. Yeah, she loved me. But that was probably a problem because I was, like, on her radar. And I remember once during a very. You talk about your moments of luck. I'll just tell you about bottoming out. I had a girlfriend. She went to USC or she'd graduated usc. I was driving a pickup truck that I didn't have window cranks on it. Had to use vice grips to open and close the window. So I just kind of kept them in the middle. There's no air conditioning with usc. Had eight ball shift knob on it. It was a Mazda. Long bed had. It was so funny. The guy bought it from. Took out the bench seats and put in dinette seats. And I was sitting in these dinette seats in this piece of shit. I was taking this groundling class. But I didn't know theater. I didn't know they'd yell upstage, backstage, stage right, stage.

[Dr. Bruce]

I didn't know what to do.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know how to act. I couldn't do anything. And my. My girlfriend dumped me, and I had a horrible job. I was, you know, digging ditches for eight bucks an hour. I was. I just bottomed out. And I called my girlfriend, like, during the break on the payphone, you know, on Melrose. And she's just like, look, don't call anymore. It's just not worth it. It's not. The answer is no, it's not happening. Now hang up. And I hung up the phone and I said we were on break. I said to Cynthia Sageti, I said, I can't go back in there. I can't be funny. I can't go on stage. I'm a mess. I have kittens in my stomach. Remember that thing when you're 24 and you're crushed, just crushed, and, yeah, she's sleeping with some other dude. And it's like, oh, the pain and the aches.

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh, just imagine we were just picturing that, right? You just picture that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

God, that. No one knows what it's quite like to be that sort of male who's. And especially you're 20. I don't know, 24. I got a $9 an hour gig. I got three roommates and no insurance. I. I got nothing. I got no game. I have nothing going on. And, you know, once in a while, like, I'll talk to my wife and she'll go, yeah, well, when I was 24, I just. I didn't make it. I go, yeah, but you were hot. Yeah, you had that going for you.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's a trump card.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You can't throw that you could fuck. You think I could fuck producers? No. So I was like. I was. I just bought them out. And I said to Cynthia, I said, listen, listen, when we go back, like, I'm just gonna kind of excuse myself and I'll say I don't feel well or something. And just. If you could just let me slide out of the theater so I could just go weep in my truck, that would be awesome, because I really. I can't even speak now. I can't form a sentence. So we got back to the theater, and we sat there, and it was like, all right, now we're gonna do a herald. And I said, I'm gonna excuse myself. I'm not feeling quite right. Cynthia, I'll see you on Wednesday's class. And she said, well, I don't know if you guys heard, but Mr. Carolla just got dumped by his girlfriend, and he's not feeling particularly funny right now. And, I mean, she just lit me up like a Roman candle and basically said, but his ass will be getting out on stage with all of us while we do our next improvised exercise. And I was like, wow.

[Dr. Bruce]

She connected with a jazz.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Followed up with a straight. Right. Wow. Yeah. So how far through the Groundlings did you go?

[Dr. Bruce]

I went about a year and a half or so.

[Adam Carolla]

So you went.

[Dr. Bruce]

I was starting.

[Adam Carolla]

Beginning. Yeah. Beginning, then intermediate.

[Dr. Bruce]

Intermediate.

[Adam Carolla]

Writer's lab.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah. No, I didn't make it as far as the writers.

[Adam Carolla]

So you made beginning and intermediate.

[Dr. Bruce]

You got a job doing a sitcom, So I. I went and did that instead.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a real job?

[Dr. Bruce]

I got a real job.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing that was always incredible to me is how years later, I went back to host A Night at the Groundlings when it was on tv. And even though I was only asked to bring. To come back because I had a successful TV show, maybe Loveline or the man show or something like that, I still looked at the guys who made it into the Groundlings. Wow, you've arrived. Yeah, I'm taking the bus back to Van Nuys. And I'm like, yeah, but no, no, you don't get it. It was like. It's so weird how it gets it.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's like going back to high school.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. So what. What series did you get at that point?

[Dr. Bruce]

1988 was a series called Raising Miranda for CBS.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds sort of familiar.

[Dr. Bruce]

I played. I. I was. I was doing a. A show in Hollywood, and I just basically mimicked the director of the show, Fax Barr, who actually is a. A friend of mine, and. And a good Writer. And he had a speech pattern that was like this, and his lips were pursed like this. So every time he said something, he would have the syllable s, and it would sound sort of interesting. And so when he was giving notes, I would be just staring at his lips and mimicking his lips. It was the weirdest thing. I wouldn't hear a thing he was saying. And so I had this audition, and I just went in and I looked at the thing, and I just started talking like, this. Is it okay if I get an orange out of your refrigerator? You know, and it just was odd, and it was kind of funny, and you stood out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

Can I sleep in your driveway?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think that's luck, Bryan Cranston. I think that's a choice. Sorry.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's a choice.

[Adam Carolla]

It is.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's a choice.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask you this? So I saw you on, I don't know, TMZ or whatever, doing a whole thing at Comic Con with the kid restaurant. You did the mom and the mic drop. And I laughed my ass off because I just thought that was so Cranston. But you never did answer the question. I think he wanted to know if you had a place you like to go to in Albuquerque.

[Dr. Bruce]

I answered it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, did you see your good actor?

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, here's the thing. This was Zach Levi. You know Zach?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do know Zach Levi.

[Dr. Bruce]

He's a good guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Zach Levi.

[Dr. Bruce]

He's a good guy. And he. He does this for charity, and so he charges, like, 20 bucks a piece. And they pack this place, and there's like, 200 people.

[Adam Carolla]

Nerd.

[Dr. Bruce]

Nerd HQ. You should totally do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I love. I love that dude. I did the celebrity grand Prix or something, Toyota with him. And he. He's a car guy. Just a good dude. Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

So they're asking a lot of questions, and we're there to pimp a show. We have a show coming out in October, an animated show called Super Mansion, which is really funny, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what's coming out on Crackle?

[Dr. Bruce]

Don Crackle. Super Mansion. It's. And I play this guy, Titanium Rex, who is a superhero who is just a little bit past his prime, and he lives in the same house with a bunch of other superheroes who are a little off. They're not. They're not mainstream. They're. They're not as effective as they used to be and that kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've seen it spot for, but I'm trying to think where I saw the spot for it, but I do Know what you're saying.

[Dr. Bruce]

But anyway, Supermansion. So we're down there with Seth Green and those guys from Robot Chicken, right? So we're doing that, and there's a lot of questions about that and some questions about Breaking Bad, but we're trying to keep it on point. And, you know, it's also being simulcast and you're on a panel show, so you want to be somewhat entertained, Entertaining. And.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

And this guy gets up and he was. He was cute. He was. You know, I'm from Albuquerque, and I just kind of. Because I'm from there, I thought maybe I'd like to find out. And I thought, well, okay, he's the only person who would be interested in this answer, right? So whatever my answer is going to be, it's going to be really quick, right? So that we can get back to the thing. So that was the only thing I was thinking of.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then when he kept going Emma's Tavern, no one would really know because you have to be in Albuquerque. And then, by the way, you get to follow up the one that people do but they don't know where they are. They go, is that off Hanes? Yeah. And then you go, no, it's off Central Caddy Corner to. No, there's a coin op. No, the coin ops on Hanes. This is Central. And Haynes. No, there is. No, there's Haynes Road and then there's Haines Avenue. You're thinking of Haynes Road. And then you realize you've embarked in this conversation so deep. And you. There's 300 people in the room all reading the back of their eyelids because they're texting because you went off down this rabbit hole, right?

[Dr. Bruce]

So it's got to be fast. And then he. I don't know. I don't know why I said it. I don't know what came over me. But he said, you know, was there any place you like to visit? Any place that you remember? Because I'm from Albuquerque. He said. And I just said, well, I. I visited your mom from time to time. And he just. The. The crowd went crazy. It was a pop. And he burst out laughing, which is some. Some people told me, some friends said, well, you were getting kind of hit because you said that thing to that kid. And I said, really? He said, yeah, some people thought it was kind of cruel. And I thought, I think it would have been cruel if I use an expletive or something. And I said, you know, and said it cruelly. But anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

But by the way, this is sort of like Muhammad Ali punching you in the arm in the sense that, yeah, it stings a little bit, but you get to say, muhammad Ali punched me in the arm. You know, like, there are certain things in life that have a little sting to them, but they're sort of a badge of honor at a certain point.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, he had a. If the camera stayed on him, they would have seen that he was laughing and then cringing, thinking of Walter White banging his mother. That was just, you know, any, anybody banging your mother is a cringe worthy moment.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I don't know how much social media you do, but, but the folks that have to come out of the woodwork and do the. By the way, you know, I was calling you a douchebag, right? And you go, no, I was not formally aware I was actually enjoying this sandwich. But what? Oh yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh yeah. John from Dayton, Ohio called you.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like, shall I put my sandwich down and address it? And by the way, how important is this to you that John from Dayton, that I be aware that John from Dayton has called me a douchebag?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, you don't mind the ner?

[Adam Carolla]

I will. I would like to not be aware of it. That's what I would like to be.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm not going to tell you about Sally from, you know, Wisconsin. Then she really went off on you.

[Adam Carolla]

Who are these people that feel it's their job to make you aware of every person or every person who has a blog or now since anyone can be a publisher or whatever who decided to call your performance subpar or say.

[Dr. Bruce]

That the piece of shit or whatever theory on this. I think human beings love to give good or bad news. So in other words, if someone really big died and I was the one to tell you, and I see the shock value in it, there's a power to that. And I think people I don't want to see, I would stop short of saying enjoy it. But they feel empowered by having information that is going to affect someone else, good or bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I think it transcends the word enjoy. People who do this, and it drives me nuts. But people will do this thing where they'll go like, hey, listen, when we're done here, we need to talk. And your mind starts racing like, what the fuck did I do? How did I piss them off? Or what do they know? Or they've been going through my phone or whatever it is. And then you talk to them and they're like, I was thinking of going with either vertical blinds or curtains, but I'm not sure what's your opinion. You go, why did you couch it that way? I had kittens in my stomach for the last two hours until we had to talk. And I realized, oh, you know what they're doing? They are taking control of you for this moment. I don't know if this happens to you. It's happened to me. And tell me if this. And I've sort of researched this a little. The guy at the event, usually the business guy, and he's at the event, and you're at the event, and he comes up to you and he goes, hey, I'm a big fan. And you go, good. How you doing? And he goes, you don't remember me, do you?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you go, no. You look familiar. I look familiar? Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I. Yeah, I'm sure I met you, but I just. The name isn't coming. Do you remember my name? Well, I know it's. I mean, I meet a lot of people. So you don't remember my name? And you're like. For that one moment, for that little snapshot in time, big star, the man who carried Argo, Bryan Cranston, the one that won the Best Picture out of all the pictures, Bryan Cranston is on his heels, and that guy's in charge. That guy's in charge of the dialogue, he's in charge of the cadence. He's in charge of you emotionally for this one moment as you. Not Bryan Cranston the celebrity, but Bryan Cranston the human being.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

Scared child from Chatsworth, He's a bit.

[Dr. Bruce]

Of a puppet master at that moment.

[Adam Carolla]

On his heels for a minute, going, oh, fuck. Shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah. And. And then at some point, you come back to your senses and go, look, fuck you. I don't know who you are. I don't give a shit. But for that one moment, you try.

[Dr. Bruce]

To be nice and you try to be real and honest and say, yeah, I kind of recognize it, but. But you don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

But I think it's an emotional. I am in charge, controlling this exchange for this moment. Now, you'll have all the other moments. Yeah, you'll have all the red carpets and the Emmys and the Oscars and all the other shit, but for this one little.

[Dr. Bruce]

I've got this.

[Adam Carolla]

This one moment, I.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know what else? You know what else? I hate when you're on the phone and someone says, okay, I'm going to let you go. It's like, you're going to let me go? Yeah, I'M going to let you go. I'm saying that this phone call is over, and I'm letting you go.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. I have this app that I gotta get going because I got it from sitting next to Dr. Drew too many times, which is his wife is thick as a brick, and when he talks to her, you know that thing where you're sitting next to the person who's clearly trying to get off the phone, but the other person's not having anything to do with it? I always said about the fifth time, the guy says, will do. All right, we'll do. Then about the fifth time you hear will do, the phone. There should be an app where the phone just hangs up. It goes to static and hangs up because I'll hear Drew just going, okay, well, then I'll. That's right. Okay, we're back Monday. Then I'll see you then. Will do. Okay, will do. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that. Will do. All right. Will do. Will do. And then there's. There's a weird reboot. There's a weird reboot. It's funny because you can go like, okay, well, then I'll see you then. All right, we'll do. No, I don't know where Amy's retainer is now. He's been rebooted. Yeah. Oh, shit.

[Dr. Bruce]

I gotta go back to the Wilders again.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been at the. No, I wasn't at the. Well, no, that's the den, not the. Oh, well, there's a difference between the family room and the den. Now he's back in. Then you'll see him slide back into. Okay, then. Well, then we'll. Okay, we'll do that. We'll do. I've literally. I've literally grabbed the phone from him and yelled at one of his patients. I did. It was an old woman, and we were in the back of a Town Car, and he was saying, no, you have to go into the hospital. Then if those are your symptoms, you need to go. Well, no, I wouldn't say it if I didn't. I understand, but I would not tell you. No, no. It is my professional opinion. No, you can't ride it out at home. You have to go in. If you're experiencing these palpitations, you have to. Well, no, it's only in a hospital. Can they. And I was like, 20 minutes, and I fucking grabbed the phone. I just went, go to the hospital. And I threw the phone back it drew. Because I couldn't fucking take it anymore.

[Giovanni]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone is so thick. All right, hold your jets. I'll ask you one more question, and then we'll go look at some cool Newman cars. I'll be fast about it. Yes. Zip recruiter man. Business owners. Ah, summer's a great time to hire competitors. They're all soft. They're all. All drinking them coconut based drinks with the rum. Got a little of the Heisenberg vodka dumped in there. The blue ice. That's right. Look out for the blue ice, man. All right, let's see. One more question for Cranston. I got this from the social media. Gary, you have a question that you like, that you've gathered these questions up. Do you have one that you think the people would like the great Brian Cranston to answer for the people? I. There were a lot on there that are really great, but I guess the one I'll pick is. It's been. It's been a good six or seven years now since you have not been in the running for an Emmy. Of the. Of the candidates that are up for the Emmys, and if you don't know them, I think Adam may have. On the sheet there, do you have a favorite? Is there someone you. You would like to see win or you think is a front runner?

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh, that's all. That's always a tough question, because if you leave someone out or you show favoritism.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I get it. But you can say, you know, hey.

[Dr. Bruce]

I like Jon Hamm's work. I really do. I think he's. He's. He's done a really wonderful, steady job on a very difficult role on a great show for a long time. And if my money was up, if I was. If DraftKings said, We're doing an Emmy thing, can I. Can I bet on that? I would throw my money onto. Onto him.

[Adam Carolla]

I just read a tweet from Trudy from Cherry Hill, New Jersey, calling you a douchebag for not backing Bob Odenkirk.

[Dr. Bruce]

Son of a. Sorry, but really, Bob Odenkirk is my tenant.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Comes fast. Really?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah. I own a place in Albuquerque where I live, and he rents my place. He's doing a fantastic job. Better call saul.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Wait. Who's someone else going? You got one? Can I ask one last one? Yes. I didn't want to. I felt bad putting you on the spot there.

[Dr. Bruce]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

What. Is there an episode that stands out as the most fun to shoot in the Breaking bad series?

[Dr. Bruce]

Most fun to shoot. You know, it's funny you mentioned that, because I hearkened back to this guy when he would do in the Dance.

[Adam Carolla]

Show, Dancing with the Stars.

[Dr. Bruce]

And they say to you, hey, go out and have fun. Have some fun.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to kill everyone.

[Dr. Bruce]

Have some fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Having fun out there. Fun.

[Dr. Bruce]

And you're like, so super focused and you're like, man, I got a job to do right now. And I. This is. I'm out of my element.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, and I get it. I get that. It was fun to hear that. So there's your answer. Fun to shoot would have to be something that was actually, well, favorite or important. Well, see, that's different from fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Gary's an asshole for saying fun because everyone, you know, we gave him.

[Dr. Bruce]

Two shots at a question and he.

[Adam Carolla]

Just to be fair, I was asking somebody else's question. Well, no, what Brian is. I agree. I understand. What Brian is saying is when I did Dancing with the Stars and I was talking to whoever chick, she was a mess. She was a bundle of nerves. And everyone just comes up and goes, have fun out there. And it's like, never anyone shouting at you. Have fun. Never works. It's like it's right up there with Find me attractive. It's like it's literally impossible. It's getting worse. I said, you're not gonna have fun. You're gonna have an experience. Yeah. And that transcends fun because you can go to Knott's Berry Farm and have fun, but you can't have an experience. And you're gonna have a fucking experience.

[Dr. Bruce]

Of joy that you'll never forget. And I'll bet she relaxed somewhat, because once you accept, you go, finally, someone telling me the truth. And it's like, okay, so fun. I'm supposed to have fun. I'm supposed to have fun and I'm nervous. No, let that go and just accept that and embrace the unknown. Whatever this experience is gonna be, I'm gonna be in it and I'm gonna remember this.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you recall as one of your biggest or most powerful experiences as it pertains to Breaking Bad?

[Dr. Bruce]

I think, you know, doing the Fly episode was. Was really interesting because it was like a two character play. And that was. That was fun. I enjoyed the. When we robbed the train of methylamine. That was amazing. Because this train is a train, and once it moves, you can't remove it. You know, it takes an hour and a half to reset the train to do take two. So there was a certain amount of nervous energy, like, okay, everybody really know what you're doing. Double, triple check everything. Because if we don't do this right, we have to wait an hour and a half to try it again. Right. So there was some kind of nervous energy to that. That was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like, no. No takeies, no retakes.

[Dr. Bruce]

No retakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

I drove. I. I crashed the. The Aztec once. That was kind of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's such a beautiful piece, machinery. Boy, that was.

[Dr. Bruce]

Someone just fell asleep when they were designing that. You done with that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

You done with the Pontiac Acid?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's here. It's ready. It's done.

[Adam Carolla]

Take it. I said to somebody the other day that now, when you were the laughingstock, back in the day, if you had a Gremlin or Pacer or something like that, I predict that the Pontiac Aztec is going to be the hipster ironic mobile when my children are in high school. So about eight, ten years from now, it will ironically be the cool hipster car. Yeah, they do. It happens with fashion. Oh, well, it's like now if you're driving around an AMC Pacer, look at that car. Yeah. You're hipley ironic.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Bryan Cranston, the show. It's so funny because I'm even scared to call thick. Thick. It's on Amazon. It's a show.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's a show. It's a pilot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can download the pilot for free.

[Dr. Bruce]

Do it today.

[Adam Carolla]

Do it today. Amazon video. You can shoot Brian a tweet at Brian with a y. Cranston and what else?

[Dr. Bruce]

It's called Sneaky Pete.

[Adam Carolla]

Sneaky Pete is what you want to do. And Cranston may or may not be in there. Why don't you go check out the pilot and tell me and tell him and tell Amazon just how much you enjoy it. Brian, always a GD Pleasure to sit with you.

[Dr. Bruce]

Thanks, bud.

[Adam Carolla]

My friend, I really appreciate you carving out some time for us. And us. I'm doing live shows all over the place. I also Amazon, Lord of the jungle. You got that Road hard. That's available on itunes. Cranston gives it his seal of approval with his wife. He watched it.

[Dr. Bruce]

I give it a big hard on.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Yeah, I should get you the hammer. I don't know if I've ever gotten you that one.

[Dr. Bruce]

I never got the hammer, but I.

[Adam Carolla]

Shall give you the hammer. Go get copy of the hammer for Mr. Cranston. And until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Bryan Cranston saying mahalo. All right, that's Adam Croll Show 1636 with Adam and Brian Cranston.

[Bryan Cranston]

Hope you guys enjoyed that clip.

[Adam Carolla]

Until next weekend, Hollow and get it on.