Iliza Shlesinger + Gina and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode: Iliza Shlesinger + Gina and Bryan (Carolla Classics) Release Date: July 18, 2025

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1. Introduction to Carolla Classics [01:32]

Giovanni introduces "Cruel Classics," a segment of Carolla Classics where highlights and memorable moments from the Adam Carolla Show’s 16-year history are replayed. He mentions the availability of a premium podcast feed offering ad-free episodes and exclusive content.

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2. Live Show Highlights: Dinner at the Strip Club [02:02]

During a live show at the Hollywood Improv featuring Eliza Shlesinger, Gina Grant, and Brian Bald, Adam Carolla recounts an evening spent dining with James "Baby Doll" Dixon and other celebrities. The group attempts to run up the bill at a strip club by ordering expensive champagne and dishes, leading to humorous interactions about celebrity recognition and outrageous spending.

Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla [04:23]: "There's nothing to lose except your high blood pressure numbers."

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3. Parenting and Pet Care Discussions [05:03 – 12:22]

The conversation shifts to pet care, focusing on Brian’s dog, Blanche, who has missing teeth and legs. They humorously debate the merits and drawbacks of pet insurance, sharing anecdotes about expensive veterinary bills and the challenges of managing pets with special needs.

Notable Quotes:

• Brian Bald [12:02]: "Is that next for my dog? Because I feel like I've already spent 50 grand on that dog."
• Adam Carolla [12:14]: "Do you have any shirtless pictures of Nate? Just to get a better idea."

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4. "What Can Adam Complain About" Segment [26:43 – 35:57]

In this recurring segment, the hosts brainstorm items Adam might find fault with, leading to a humorous critique of electric toothbrushes. They joke about the noise levels, maintenance hassles, and absurd scenarios involving toothbrushes acting as potential hazards.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [27:35]: "It smells like a rag that was left in a garage and musty."
• Gina Grad [29:17]: "Have you changed the heads? You have to."

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5. Hobo Power Segment: Managing Stinky Garments [98:08 – 157:43]

Hobo Power is a humorous segment where listeners share stories about dealing with unpleasant odors and dirty clothes. In this episode, Brian presents a garment soaked with sweat from racing, leading to a comical interaction where Gina and Giovanni react to the intense smell descriptions.

Notable Quotes:

• Gina Grad [130:38]: "It smells like really old, musty dirt."
• Adam Carolla [157:43]: "This could go on for a while, Pat. I'm gonna give."

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6. Movie Reviews: Pixar’s "Inside Out" and "Wall E" [171:00 – 195:27]

The hosts delve into discussions about Pixar movies, particularly praising "Inside Out" for its imaginative storytelling and emotional depth. They compare it to earlier Pixar works like "Wall E," highlighting the evolution of animation and narrative complexity.

Notable Quotes:

• Giovanni [174:15]: "It’s a really, really, really good movie. I think everyone can enjoy it."
• Adam Carolla [175:53]: "We all listen to this. They steer us towards being nicer, having good schools, family."

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7. Political Discussion: Racism and Media Influence [71:10 – 197:30]

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing race relations in the United States. Adam and the co-hosts analyze the impact of having a Black president on societal perceptions of racism. They critique media narratives, arguing that constant emphasis on racism serves both progressive goals and media profitability.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [182:02]: "Racism, we are not cured of, clearly. And it's not just a matter of it not being polite to say 'nigger' in public."
• Giovanni [186:50]: "Another thing, in America we have to make sure kids are debating with what they want to eat. Which is absent the ideology. Which is just kindness and generosity."

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8. Book Promotion and Personal Stories [82:05 – 152:10]

Adam promotes his book, "Daddy, Stop Talking," sharing heartfelt listener stories, including one from his mother who found the audiobook perfect for her cruise. Gina adds that her mother also enjoyed the book, highlighting its emotional resonance.

Notable Quotes:

• Gina Grad [140:16]: "So I get sent to the prison's shower room and I have to explain."
• Adam Carolla [198:38]: "If you took us all back to our childhoods... how is it going?"

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9. News Segments with Gina Grad [99:56 – 179:01]

Gina Grad delivers news updates, including:

• The sale of Frank Sinatra’s address book at auction for around $8,000, containing personal contacts of celebrities like John Wayne, Elvis Presley, and Ronald Reagan.
• Taylor Swift’s confrontation with Apple Music over artist royalties during the free trial period, leading Apple to adjust its policy to compensate artists even during trials.

Notable Quotes:

• Gina Grad [167:21]: "You find out what your credit score is... it's the most important number in your life."
• Adam Carolla [125:59]: "It's super simple. It's super simple."

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10. Final Advertisements and Announcements [152:10 – 209:17]

The episode concludes with various advertisements and promotions:

• LegalZoom: Promoting legal services for business needs.
• Credit Karma: Encouraging listeners to check their credit scores.
• Squatty Potty: Advertising ergonomic toilet accessories.
• ScoreBig: Offering ticket savings for events.

Upcoming Live Shows:

• Adam Carolla announces live shows in Irvine at the Improv on July 2nd, Sacramento at Cache Creek, and Santa Monica on June 30th.
• Book Promotion: Continues promoting "Daddy, Stop Talking."

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [195:25]: "He doesn’t deserve it. Michael Anthony is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met."
• Gina Grad [164:36]: "And then they get mumpsed by the fellow who came to get his own asses kicked."

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Conclusion

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show, part of the Carolla Classics series, intertwines humorous anecdotes, personal stories, and critical discussions on societal issues like racism and media influence. Through segments like "What Can Adam Complain About" and "Hobo Power," along with in-depth movie reviews and heartfelt listener stories, the show offers a blend of comedy, introspection, and social commentary. The episode also features promotions for Adam's book and upcoming live events, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and engagement.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on the provided transcript and aims to capture the essence and key elements of the episode. For the full experience, listening to the original podcast is recommended.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host. I'm superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast where we play.

[Giovanni]

The best moments, highlights and fans like.

[Adam Carolla]

To clip small 16 years of the Adam Caroll show.

[Giovanni]

We have a separate premium podcast feed through podcast one where you contain all.

[Adam Carolla]

Three episodes ad free of Corolle Classics each weekend.

[Giovanni]

Check out podcast one premium for that.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd like ad free access to.

[Giovanni]

The Adam Krola show, the Adam Dr. Drew show as well as exclusive access.

[Adam Carolla]

To the brand new podcast Beat it Out.

[Giovanni]

Make sure to check out adam Krola's substack adamkurla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsdamcorl.com now onto the clips.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming up, first day we have adam Karla show 1598.

[Giovanni]

It's a live show from the Hollywood Improv featuring Eliza Schlesinger, Gina Grant and Brian Bishop from 2015.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out. Yeah. Get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate get it on. Thank you so much for coming out. Melrose Improv. Eliza Schlesinger is with us and she's walking onto the stage right now with her dog. You know, I have feelings about that. That's all right. That's exactly where you want the dogs. In very close proximity to the nachos. But our dog is so goddamn cute. I'm going to look the other way. It is toothless. It is. Yeah. There it is. All right, so, Eliza, you can pick up the mic. Can I tell you this? Oh, Gina grad right here, by the way. Good day. Bald Brian over here. I didn't know. But we brought the bell, so we'll do a little. What can Adam complain about tonight? Liza, you tell me if you would be semi insulted by this. I went out to dinner last night with James Baby Doll Dixon, who's.

[Giovanni]

And his credit card.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Jon Stewart's agent. Jimmy's agent. So I went out with cousin Sal. Jimmy's cousin Sal. I went out with Jimmy. I went out with James Babydell Dixon. And I went out with Bill Simmons. And then there was Daniel from the Man Show. And he said. Daniel said, geez, I heard about this cool new strip club in New York.

[Giovanni]

He was doing a monologue for tonight's show. Hey, you guys hear about that coolness you're climbing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then he said. Then he went, yeah, I heard it was really cool. And then he looked at Jimmy and he said, you probably couldn't go. And he said, you couldn't go because he's Jimmy. He's gonna get recognized. People are gonna take pictures of him. He's gonna be up on the Internet, blah, blah, blah. Then he looked at Bill Simmons and he said, you probably couldn't go either. And then he looked at me and he went, you probably could go, what the fuck?

[Gina Grad]

That's fucked up.

[Bald Brian]

Studio 54. Like, you stand outside. I think all clubs should be that way. You pick and choose versus just letting all the animals.

[Adam Carolla]

So we'll have Daniel pick and shoes to see who can go into the strip club.

[Bald Brian]

So I think, well, if it's a strip club, well, that's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

The problem with, you know, some celebrity is you can't go. Everyone's taking a picture with everybody now. There's nothing you can do anymore.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, there's no photos in the champagne room, though. That's. That shouldn't be a problem.

[Bald Brian]

Pictures in a strip club anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're not supposed to film you fucking your girlfriend from high school either. But tell that to the hole in the hamper.

[Bald Brian]

The hamper.

[Adam Carolla]

The Hamper Hole. The Hamper Hole Strip club. The Hamper Hole.

[Giovanni]

That's the strip club right there.

[Bald Brian]

It's in the Midwest.

[Adam Carolla]

So we went out last night and the idea was to run up the tab that. The idea is for cousin Sal to run up the tab on Baby Doll's credit card. Who is paying for the experience?

[Giovanni]

It's an unwritten rule, like don't bunt to break up a no hitter. This is an unwritten gentleman's rule.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So first thing we try to do is try to order short ribs for the entire restaurant. That was number one. Wow.

[Giovanni]

Out of the gates.

[Adam Carolla]

It was explained to us that they were out of short ribs and that we've gotten the last bit. Then he ordered champagne for every table around us. And let me just make this champagne observation. If champagne is pink, it's either super cheap or super expensive.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no in between. Pink champagne.

[Bald Brian]

Sofia Coppola.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. This was, this was $223 a bottle. Mike August. Am I making this up to 222?

[Bald Brian]

Like, if it's going to be that tacky, it either has to be expensive.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? It was 222A bottle. These, these women at the table around us and tables around us that were ordering these $222 champagne for must have been wildly confused when at the end of the night, we all just got up and left and didn't attempt to fuck one of them.

[Bald Brian]

Well, if it's. It's pink champagne and all, dude. She's like, oh, I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know. Like, I. How would you feel if you're sitting at a table? Like a table sends you over a 200 plus.

[Bald Brian]

You were at Baby Dolls.

[Adam Carolla]

We were at strip club. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Bald Brian]

I missed that part.

[Adam Carolla]

Baby Doll Dixon is James Dixon's nickname. I don't know. Where were we? Mike Otis. Otis and Penelope on La Brea. Yes. Yes. And the idea was to see how much we could. We could get the bill too. Champagne for tables all around us. We just kept ordering whatever. Whatever we were ordering. By the way, when you're with somebody and you're intentionally trying to run up the bill, you get shit faced almost immediately because it's really difficult to ordering bottles of wine.

[Giovanni]

You want to do your part and be a team player. You want to drink as much as you can.

[Bald Brian]

I think you also, like, probably messed with the egos of any of the single women sitting around because free alcohol comes to your table and then the guys are like, peace. And you're like, oh, you didn't want to.

[Adam Carolla]

No one even turned around.

[Bald Brian]

Don't Even look, they're just getting champagne they don't even want.

[Adam Carolla]

I, at some point, got up and went to one of the tables and said, I want some, because, wow, the rare take back. Well, it was like I needed some vig. I literally was sitting in the bucke. It came in its own bucket, you know, And I just went back and took a hit off it. It was two German women who were sitting behind us, but nobody. I don't know, Gina, how you would feel if a group of men sent over a bottle of champagne and you're like, okay, here. Here we go.

[Gina Grad]

I feel like I'd be putting out in about an hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. I mean, at least ask, right?

[Gina Grad]

45 minutes. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Eliza, you feel like the guy should at least. What's the dog's name, by the way?

[Bald Brian]

It's Blanche. I feel like the German women, probably, we're just like, oh, this is how. This is how they do it here. This is a good time. And now they're going to be epically disappointed. Every other restaurant when they're not sent over buckets of pink champagne.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're like, fresh in from the Deutschland, and they're going to be in an Arby's tomorrow going, what the fuck? They have diet soda on.

[Bald Brian]

It's all like this in my fatherland.

[Adam Carolla]

Send it over.

[Giovanni]

Fast forward to a month from now. Back in Germany, Americans have this weird custom. The guys buy champagne.

[Bald Brian]

They're having American parties where they only serve pink champagne, and then no one.

[Giovanni]

Talks to each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Then we all had to guess as to what the price of the bill was going to be at the end of the night.

[Giovanni]

Five figures, right?

[Adam Carolla]

We all had to.

[Giovanni]

Five bottles of champagne or short ribs for everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

Plus a tip. It's automatic tip for a party overseas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So we decided we all had to write a number on a 20 and then put the 20 in the middle of the table.

[Giovanni]

And 10,500.

[Gina Grad]

Wait, let's do a whip around, because I have a guess.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, you got to keep in mind there's only six people at this table.

[Giovanni]

Five people in the restaurant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, we tried. You tried. You may be a little. Maybe a little high on this one.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But on Eliza, what do you think?

[Bald Brian]

Six people at the table. Six people times how many bottles of.

[Adam Carolla]

Champagne I think we bought. Mike, what did we buy? 3 for? 3 for neighboring tables.

[Bald Brian]

Wait, how much? How many tables?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Three bottles of champagne for total? Yeah. We didn't drink any of the champagne. We were buying champagne at every Table. You said I send short ribs to every table. The champagne. We just.

[Bald Brian]

I think we were all in the impression you sent bottles of champagne to every table.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry. Yes. Short ribs. We tried the bottles. Listen, first off, I was drunk and my back to the restaurant. All right? I'm just asking. First off, you're not going to win anything.

[Giovanni]

Let's not get crazy.

[Bald Brian]

I just. I just wanted to be. I just want to make an accurate guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I think it was three bottles went out to neighborhood.

[Giovanni]

I'm reducing mine by half. Three bottles, 525.

[Bald Brian]

No short ribs.

[Adam Carolla]

We ate the short ribs. We ate long and medium ribs as well, but we couldn't stop the whole. Not to the whole restaurant.

[Bald Brian]

$2,500.

[Gina Grad]

I'm going 39.

[Bald Brian]

$39,000. 39.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. $39,000.

[Giovanni]

5,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Bill Simmons won. Bill Simmons came within $4. What was it? Four, right?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Bill, Bill. No, no, no. But you can't have the facts when everyone's just ordering cocktail after cocktail after cocktail and appetizer and shit. That was just showing up and going, what's that?

[Bald Brian]

Their facts are on the bill.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Bill Simmons doesn't get to look who's on first. All right. Sorry. By the way, he says he's. Whenever his contract is up with espn, he's gonna come on this show and talk a bunch of shit. So I think September, we can look forward. We can look forward to that. The number was 2,000 and, like, $83 or something like that. He came back. That's pretty good. I. Nobody had facts.

[Bald Brian]

I have. I. I came very.

[Adam Carolla]

You have just as many facts as we had, which is. And I was impaired by alcohol. Now, what's doggy's name? Sorry. Wait a minute. Yeah. And this is all it for missing the front teeth.

[Bald Brian]

She got no front teeth.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened?

[Bald Brian]

She. She was. Her boyfriend hit her? No, she. She's an old dog. She had to get him removed. She used to be a dog prostitute, so this makes her job a little easier. She just. Sometimes old dogs that are small have missed, like, get their teeth pulled, by the way. They're bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that next for my dog? Because I feel like I've already spent 50 grand on that dog.

[Bald Brian]

Now she's got staples in her leg like this. It's like Franken Dog. Like, it's just she. They're in there right now.

[Adam Carolla]

How much have you spent on this little over here.

[Bald Brian]

No, we don't have the facts. I don't know. There's no way to guess. But I'll come within 500. I've spent probably just a ton of because I don't have pet insurance. I think it's a scam.

[Adam Carolla]

What is? All right, I want to know about how pet insurance is.

[Bald Brian]

It probably is a good idea. You pay. It's like insurance for your pet. That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah. It's got all the words right in there. I was about to explain it to Freezing Hot. By the way, is Eliza Schlesinger's Stand Up Special available on Netflix as we speak.

[Bald Brian]

I came on your show to promote it so shortly after as well. So thank you for having me back.

[Adam Carolla]

It was our pleasure. Oh, someone's phone's blowing up up there. Capital City Comedy Club in Austin. Coming up June 25th through the 27th. Brea Improv.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Come make that drive.

[Adam Carolla]

Majestic brea.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

California July 16th when I just driving back and forth. July's the best month to be in Brea.

[Giovanni]

High season.

[Bald Brian]

Trapped in a vehicle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

On the 5 or whatever godforsaken FL freeway you take to get.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I love Raya.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, so tell me, tell me, tell me. I, I had this idea yesterday. I was watching a high speed car chase sure as covered on Fox television. I think it was yesterday. It was about 6:30 as you guys. I don't know if you guys saw gang but possible gang member. By the way everybody driving a car in Los Angeles is a possible gang member first off. So very true. No great wisdom passed forth from the folks at the, the studio. The Fox counter there. Possible game. Right. We, we, we know it's not a Jehovah's Witness. We know it's not a, a pregnant mother of three.

[Bald Brian]

It's possible giant chicken. Yeah. Except everything's possible. Possible alien.

[Adam Carolla]

Theoretically. We could, we could put Fatty Arbuckle's ghost in that car as a possibility. As a possibility. But the gang banger, it's in deep San Fernando Valley. Possible gang banger. Okay, fine. I'm with you. Then at a certain point it gets covered on the news long enough so that when they head down the side street in the shitty neighborhood, the guys come running out to give the high five or the Shaka bra. They're like just, they just kind of jump. You'll see guys from the helicopter POV running out in the street and doing the OJ low speed wave and all that. What do you think of this idea?

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I say just like I had this plan to round up deadbeat dads by saying free cock fight for Raiders fans only. And then we Would just arrest everyone who showed up to the Coliseum. Will you tell me if I got the word out? Free cockfight for Raiders fans only. And we arrested everybody who showed up to the Coliseum. How many folks would we have to let out with an apology later that day?

[Bald Brian]

Who's your Chris Hansen? Like, who's your guy that steps out? It's like, I see that you're here. I see you're wearing your Raiders gear.

[Gina Grad]

I think he's right here.

[Bald Brian]

You brought money. I see you brought a lot of ones. Like, who's the guy that does that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it could be me, because evidently I'm not that recognizable. Yeah, yeah. So definitely not Jimmy Kimmel. He couldn't get away with that, as we've learned. But my new plan, well, it's a supplementary plan. I want to enact this plan as well. And then the other one is, when I'm in charge, we stage fake high speed pursuits. We get a professional stunt driver, maybe my buddy Tanner Faust from the X Games. He drives a real car. We put a bandana on him or something, you know, possible gang banger, and put him in the car.

[Giovanni]

I passed. He's just a pirate.

[Adam Carolla]

We have the cops. Yes, we have the cops following him. We make sure it's all over the tv. And then every asshole who decides to run out to the street to try to high five him, we arrest that dickhead.

[Gina Grad]

You just slap a cuff on him as he has his right, and you.

[Adam Carolla]

Just go all the way. We just serpentine all the way through the San Fernando Valley and all the way through the city. Everywhere we go. And every ass wife that stops and gets out and goes straight, we just arrest him. We know that person needs to be removed from their kids. Right?

[Giovanni]

This is some Giuliani esque, revolutionary stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Talking about like McCarthy is kind of witch hunt, kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, not a wit. No. McCarthy was different than this.

[Bald Brian]

You could have stayed because you're luring people out.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not luring anybody out. There's a high speed pursuit going on.

[Bald Brian]

A fake one that you're paying for. With our tax dollars.

[Adam Carolla]

We are using personally confiscated drug lords cars.

[Bald Brian]

Alleged. Possible drug lords.

[Adam Carolla]

Possible drug lords cars.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like to say what you're suggesting is like leaving bait cars where they just do it in Houston where they just leave. I'm not suggesting that they leave cars out and then people go, hey, Chris.

[Bald Brian]

Hansen, that was a really car.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they get into the car and then they steal the car. But no one's forcing them to steal the Car.

[Bald Brian]

You're doing what cops do with prostitutes?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

You're baiting them.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, actually, I talked to the guy from Freakonomics today. King Freedom and Stephen.

[Giovanni]

You talk to Dubner?

[Adam Carolla]

Stephen Dubner, yeah. He told me. Turns out more cops have sex with prostitutes than arrest prostitutes. Like, statistically, but not on sense. Yeah, I. I think on the job.

[Bald Brian]

Like, while they're deep undercover, like I got. I gotta you to make this realistic.

[Gina Grad]

It doesn't care they're prostitutes.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, well, because it's still possible. Possible prostitute.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue if you're a cop, you're always on the job. Because if you're a cop, they do tell you you have to carry your piece.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're on. When you're.

[Bald Brian]

I don't think it's as much as you get to.

[Adam Carolla]

And you get to. Yes. Yeah. But they tell you. I think they want you to do that. All right, so if you're fucking prostitutes on Sundays, you're technically on the job if you got your piece on you.

[Bald Brian]

To clean up our areas. Clean up our areas. To clean up our neighborhood. We should do a bait. We should just put out a giant bear trap for any sort of criminal that we want to deal with that week.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm saying how much better would.

[Bald Brian]

Society be if we set a giant.

[Adam Carolla]

Trap only for assholes, abandon their families and run out to the street and do something that's illegal and unsafe.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, but wait, can I just paint this picture?

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, so you go out to dinner.

[Adam Carolla]

Eventually turns into Jews. We're going after the.

[Bald Brian]

That's what I'm saying. As a Jew. This is why I'm. I'm fighting this.

[Giovanni]

I'm like.

[Bald Brian]

But wait.

[Gina Grad]

But it would take a good long while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Will there be patches we have to wear to show that we're assholes first?

[Giovanni]

They came for the Raiders fans.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. We take a huge piece of gefilte fish, we put it on the back of a steak bed truck.

[Bald Brian]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to get it, Drive it down Fairfax Boulevard. You understand me with the word just blinking? We have a modified van that shoots nickels out of the exhaust pipe. Every one of these Hebrews that comes out on the street with sh. Scoop them up.

[Bald Brian]

What if you come? What if you become a faultless cog in the system? And here's how you got your. Your trap wagon, right? And you're driving around and you're trying to get assholes to come out and wave to the camera so you can.

[Adam Carolla]

Get them right I'm simply having a high speed pursuit. Whether they come out or not is their business.

[Bald Brian]

Right, but you want people to come out because you're saying, those are the assholes. That's the film.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like to. I would like to live in a world where nobody came out. Mrs. Schlesinger, someday you will. Let's say that I'm trying to provide that for children and your dog's children.

[Bald Brian]

She can't have children. She can't have children. But. But this is. But I'm just saying, because I watched all 13 hours of Orange is the New Black in 48 hours. So this is.

[Adam Carolla]

On, my God. That's what's going on.

[Giovanni]

Really.

[Bald Brian]

Don't do that. It's really bad for you. Let's say you stumble out of, I don't know, a dinner with your friends and you're high on, I don't know, pink champagne, and a car goes by and you're like, watch this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And then all of a sudden you're in the trap because you are not the asshole. But that day you made that choice, and then you become a casualty of your own system. It's so poetic.

[Adam Carolla]

So I will take the chance that I do not stagger out of my house drunk and approach a speeding car to try to give it a high five on the windshield. We say, I will take that. And if I do and I am arrested, I will take my medicine. And.

[Giovanni]

Is everyone in prison not someone who made a bad choice?

[Bald Brian]

You asked that like such a Jew. Is everyone in prison like, we're at the bar mitzvah, we're gathered here. Is everyone in prison not someone who.

[Gina Grad]

Made a bad choice?

[Adam Carolla]

Such a choice, Irving, you made such a choice. You made.

[Gina Grad]

Study your decisions.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I also think. Here's what I think to make Eliza.

[Adam Carolla]

You'Re saying fair to the law here, basically, is what I'm saying. No, what? Yeah. Well. What? Yeah. What's going on? You've been watching too many prison shows.

[Bald Brian]

No, no, I think just oranges and black. I think our whole system, our whole society should be based on Yelp reviews. Okay, but wait, here's the thing. Okay? So I pay my taxes and I've never been arrested. And I'm a really good person, and I go to get in line somewhere and some fucking idiot is standing there taking forever and they see suck, and they don't do a good job at their life. I have five stars and they have like half a star. I should get to cut in front of them. Like, my life should be easier at an airport, in line at the bank. I should get privileges because I've done things. Well, not so much because. Thank you. Not for socioeconomic reasons. Like you can be poor and have 5 stars. Has nothing to do with that or your color or anything. Just how good of a person are you? And how much easier are you making on other people in general? Are you a burden on society? You have to. You have to move to Barstow. All right, so we'll have these chambers that have gas.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I hear you. Automatic.

[Bald Brian]

They already said yes. They're already on board.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you on this. Automatic. Good reviews for white people. All right, can you.

[Giovanni]

Can you.

[Adam Carolla]

Moving on.

[Giovanni]

Can you pay?

[Adam Carolla]

I hear you, missy. I feel you. And I'm white too, so I appreciate it.

[Giovanni]

Can you pay to have the one star reviews removed?

[Bald Brian]

No, you can't. You have to just. And also, I think it also should work for dating. I think even if someone's hot, they should have that star that lets you know if they're a garbage person or not. That way you don't have to go on any dates you can just get to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, listen, I think we can. We can, we can. We can. I think I can get a little my chocolate and your peanut butter here by saying running out and interrupting high speed pursuits. That's a negative Yelp review right there.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you get a point of a star deducted and maybe it resets every five years. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. So what's going on with sex?

[Giovanni]

Well, hold on a second. Hey, Eliza. Hey, Eliza. The only problem, you know. You know who else gave people stars? Hitler, Nazis.

[Gina Grad]

Yellow stars.

[Adam Carolla]

These are. These are five points going to go.

[Bald Brian]

No, you took it full. You're absolutely right. So it'll be something else. It'll be. It'll be swasti stars. It has to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Or whatever that's off. Top of my head.

[Giovanni]

Striped pajamas.

[Bald Brian]

It's a peaceful symbol in jainism. No, it should be, I don't know, maybe hash marks. Yeah, hashtags. Hashtags. We love hashtags. All right, Little heart.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on sexually with you?

[Bald Brian]

Why are we asking me that?

[Adam Carolla]

You brought it up.

[Bald Brian]

No, I said it to be funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm gonna continue letting you be funny.

[Bald Brian]

That's it. It ended there. You could be more specific.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh. Do you have a boyfriend? Are you dating?

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What's happening? You want to get married? Kids? Is the dog satiating the kids? What's going on?

[Bald Brian]

Have I just, like, lost it And I just started crying. I don't know. I think it's. I think I'm really enjoying just dating and not having a. Be responsible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everybody would enjoy that. No, I mean, we have a planet and we have to. Have to reproduce.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know.

[Bald Brian]

I think it's. I'm 32, and at some point about. About two years ago, I got really tired of the idea that, like, I have to be obsessed with having a baby and having a wedding. And I was like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I decided to have.

[Adam Carolla]

If you hit 40 and you don't have a kid, I'll give you one of mine.

[Bald Brian]

Well, you. What? One of yours that you already have are like, like weird sperm.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Bald Brian]

But after a certain age, it's gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

Be like my sperm would show up at the Coliseum for the raider sting. It would. One of my sperm ran out and tried to high five this guy off of San Fernando Boulevard last night.

[Giovanni]

They're like tiny grapes with rat tails. Of course. They're fucking weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're weird. Yeah. And they go serpentine too. They're not straight liners, you know, they don't live their life a quarter mile at a time like Vin Diesel. They're all over. Yeah, they're all over the road. They're like drunk drivers. So you got a boyfriend that's good.

[Bald Brian]

I don't. I did not say that.

[Adam Carolla]

Dating, dating, dating.

[Bald Brian]

And this is blank dating.

[Adam Carolla]

You got someone, you date, it's whatever.

[Bald Brian]

But also like, I'm just super busy. It's super hard to have a boyfriend when you're out of town all the time. So.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I like it easier.

[Bald Brian]

It's hard to.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, I think my marriage. I think my marriage.

[Bald Brian]

That's true. That's different.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I think, I think my marriage works better because I'm never home.

[Giovanni]

Lynette would agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there is a, you know, there's a 31% chance we may be arguing if I am at home. There's a zero percent when I'm away. So if you just do some basic.

[Bald Brian]

Math, I find, and I don't know if any other girls. I find if you can get like four or five really good chat threads going that takes you through a weekend, really like at like 4am when you're shit faced. If you could just find like one person, have like a sexual conversation with. Don't mess it up with like the other ones. Which is hilarious, right? Then it kind of sustains you and you wake up, you're like, I didn't make any mistakes. And I got to. I got to send a picture.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so sex talk, good.

[Gina Grad]

But have you ever sent the wrong response to the wrong person?

[Bald Brian]

That's why you only. You only text with guys that you want to be intimate with. That way, if you accidentally send a.

[Gina Grad]

Picture, don't let your dad sneak in there by chance.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but I wouldn't be texting my dad. It says dad sell. And I wouldn't be texting him late unless it'd just be like, just k, JK Happy Father's Day. But you always do with guys that you are physically attracted. That way, if you accidentally send one, they can be like, oh, that's hot. You're like, yeah, I totally want you out of nowhere. And like, what do they care? It's a boob. No one's going to fight it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I'm just going to be like, what is this? Gross. Send me the smaller one next time.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, should we do a little what can Adam complain about stuff? The world is full of it, and one man can complain about it. All this is what can't Adam complain about. You guys jump in if. If you. If you see fit.

[Giovanni]

Let's see. Let's see a show of hands. Be orderly. You give Adam something he can't complain about. He's a master complainer. What can you challenge him with not possibly complain about? That's why I said hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh? Electric toothbrush.

[Gina Grad]

Those are fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Electric toothbrush. A great invention. They haven't come a long way in 44 years. You know, I remember not. You know, that was a little rich for the Corolla's blood a little back then. But I remember I had some friends that had one, like, you know, back in the 70s and stuff. It was a stick that had a rechargeable battery in it, and the end just kind of went. And that's about what we got today, as best I can tell. Also, they're loud. They're louder than. I mean, you put it in your mouth.

[Bald Brian]

In your mouth. It's loud in my head.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Bald Brian]

Like, so autistic saying that you start.

[Adam Carolla]

Brushing your teeth and a.

[Bald Brian]

A.

[Adam Carolla]

A crazed Khan could break into the house and slaughter the entire family. And I just be doing that move. Or like, And.

[Bald Brian]

And the heads are expensive again. They're like $35, and they. They lock them up.

[Adam Carolla]

You change the heads.

[Bald Brian]

You have to.

[Adam Carolla]

You do.

[Bald Brian]

Is this like a gross joke? You have to change the head on your. Eerie. On your sonic hair. Also, it gets. When you change it out, there's goop in there and it's gross.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

And it just shows you how dirty you are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then every once in a while someone tells you you should be brushing your tongue and it freaks you out because you haven't done it in 14 years. Sarah Silverman told me, oh, you gotta brush your tongue. And I'm like, what? And then you start wondering what's going on in my tongue? And then you're like, what's my tongue smell like? I should get a parrot that smells tongues and really just figure out what's going on with the tongue.

[Bald Brian]

Blanche will smell your tongue.

[Adam Carolla]

Blanche will smell my tongue? Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, like you don't do it with your dog. Yeah, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. A lot of people. A lot of people are listening.

[Bald Brian]

Open your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Open your mouth. It's like you. Yeah, like you don't 69 with your dog. Come on. Yeah, come on.

[Giovanni]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot more people listening than they are watching anyway. They're louder than shit. I like the ones where they go. Dentists recommend, of course. They recommend a toothbrushing machine you shove in your mouth every day for 10 minutes. Of course. What dentist would turn his thumb down and. No, no, I like using shards of bamboo and just a little sea salt. Of course. It's a machine for scrubbing your teeth.

[Bald Brian]

Of course, dentists, I would never recommend brushing teeth. I'd be like, don't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, more work for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Sadistic fox.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Like, come on back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

A capitalist way to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like, if I owned automotive body shop, I'd be there. Like, what, you don't drive drunk? Really? So I guess you're just part of the uncool crew, huh?

[Giovanni]

You park your car with your eyes open.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Seriously, it's five o' clock somewhere. I got a mini fridge with a cold one in there.

[Bald Brian]

Your car goes fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead and take that. Here's one for the road, bro. Yeah, you're right. Everyone, they should be drumming up business.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they always. And they give you toothbrushes and they give you floss and they. When you leave, I'd be like, here's a chunk of honey and a bunch of taffy. Come back like in a day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Here's. Here's an Abba Zabba bar and some fudge. Go to town, enjoy that Charleston Chew. Best way to eat fudge is to fall asleep before you finish.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That'S what I. First thing they teach in dental school.

[Giovanni]

You wake up with fudgy Goodness.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You fall asleep, sleep before you're done chewing the fudge. That is the best thing you can do for gum maintenance. Yeah, yeah, that's a good, that's a good point. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm with you. Instead, they give you all the tools to keep you out of the chair.

[Bald Brian]

Because they know you have to come back because you can't clean professionally. So you're going to come back one way or another once every six months. But why not give it an investment? That way when you come back, there's more surprises for them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, no, I know.

[Bald Brian]

Surprises.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's funny because you. They. Well, a couple things. First off, I'm wildly insulted by the postcard that gets sent to the house every six months. It's time for cleanings. So says Mr. Toothbrush, who's chasing Ms. Decay, who's in the shape of a molar. Like, is everything geared for six year old? And by the way, guess who doesn't read these fucking cards that come in the mail and cannot drive themselves to the dentist? The person the card is made for. But wait, how much is a fucking reminder says time to clean your teeth?

[Bald Brian]

I think, I think we all revert to like some sort of infantile state when we go because we're scared. No one enjoys going. And so they're just trying to make it more calm. Like this will be fun. There's going to. Would you like it if it was just like a pull down picture of like a periodontal disease and there's just gums and, and syphilis and they're just like, get in here, asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I don't want it to look like a cigarette pack, but how about just a simply worded note? Yeah, because you, much like you would get. Well, I don't like the shit I get from the IRS either. But it doesn't have a picture of like the Monopoly guy running with a sack of money, Mr. Money Bags, an old time jail paddy wagon driving behind it or something with me in it holding the bars. Like just says, you owe us some money.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you want it to just be straightforward. I don't like when they say stuff on your birthday. Like I have my dentist. I had a dentist that would be like just saying happy birthday from whatever dental and you're like, you don't really.

[Adam Carolla]

Care my birth, my. About my birthday. My dentist isn't trying to me. So I don't.

[Bald Brian]

It's a small, small Asian woman. Small Asian woman.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a lesbian dentist. Really? Yes. Small Asian woman.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, she gets all up in my mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of. I want to talk about another hole for a second. We do go with the different.

[Giovanni]

There's only so many the different.

[Adam Carolla]

And strange nationality for the gynecologist. Right? Is everybody down? You don't want some guy who looks like Conan o' Brien walking in. All right, let's look at your pussy.

[Bald Brian]

I think it's a case by case basis.

[Adam Carolla]

Some women don't mind. But don't you think, like, when you're. When you're at the teaching hospital in your, like, med school and you get the crazy national relatable to anyone or the. Don't you steer them toward the gynecological wing a little bit?

[Gina Grad]

I think the most trustworthy one you're gonna find is the female Indian doctor. Yeah, she's usually amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, what I'm saying is this.

[Bald Brian]

Any Indian have to have a medical degree. Any Indian touch my brain with their bare hands, and I would trust them. The Chinese as well?

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Bald Brian]

Not. The Japanese.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm making my own goddamn point here.

[Bald Brian]

I saw what happened in World War II.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to say this. All the chicks who do all the crazy vag waxing are all some nationality that we're never going to run into at the Whole Foods. Right.

[Bald Brian]

I feel like they're the most Russian. I feel like they're all like some sort of Slovakian or, like, Eastern Bloc.

[Adam Carolla]

Something that you can't identify with. And then it makes this intimate thing less.

[Bald Brian]

It's always a culture that has, like, a really high pain tolerance.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You go under, like, pain is beauty.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

And. And do you know. Do you know what they do to soothe the pain after they rip this hot wax off of you?

[Giovanni]

Cunningus.

[Adam Carolla]

They slap your the shit out of it.

[Giovanni]

I. I saw.

[Gina Grad]

You never understand.

[Bald Brian]

Every guy is turning to their date right now. Is that true?

[Adam Carolla]

It's okay.

[Bald Brian]

Is that true? And do you like it?

[Giovanni]

I. I'm. I'm so naive. I thought Gina was like, they hit your arm. Why would they.

[Gina Grad]

No, they look for a vein to shoot you up.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, hold on. Goddamn toothbrushes.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, toothbrushes.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, wait a second. All right, so we can agree that there's a funky nationality working on your vagine because you don't sweat it as much if the big blonde guy, if Jim Gaffigan comes in and says, I want to work on your pussy, it's weird, right?

[Giovanni]

That'd be really weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now listen.

[Bald Brian]

If any doctor came in and said, I want to work on your Pussy. Not doing that.

[Giovanni]

Jim Palkin comes in and yells, hot Pockets.

[Bald Brian]

Even if they were Indian. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, what percentage of women in this room have a gynecologist? That's something other than a white man. Male. Yeah. All right. See everybody? All right, all right, all right. And. And. And. And the guys, I think their husbands and boyfriends like it that way. I think we like either the female gynecologist or the Indian dude whose name we can't pronounce at all, who poses zero threat to us, and even though there is no threat that actually exists.

[Giovanni]

Threats.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you have your choice.

[Bald Brian]

You're so Italian.

[Adam Carolla]

You have your choice.

[Bald Brian]

It's a threat.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, a minute ago you were defending these gang bangers to take to the streets.

[Bald Brian]

I have no allegiance. I have no allegiance. I have no homeland. I'm just saying.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, Dr. Drew, okay, as the gynecologist, a guy who just looks like Dr. Drew, what I do now is the gyno, you know, versus, you know, the guy in the lifeboat with the tiger.

[Giovanni]

Damn. Pie. Pie.

[Adam Carolla]

As a dude, you get to make a choice. Do you just flip a coin and leave the room, or do you make a choice?

[Bald Brian]

Wait, pie at the beginning when he was scared shitless, or pie when he, like, got his together and knew how to fish and, like, train the tiger?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, interesting. Yeah. I don't want.

[Bald Brian]

Super two different pies. Two different pieces of pie.

[Gina Grad]

I do. That's an interesting question about Dr. Drew. I wonder if he's ever looked at someone's file before. He opened the door, and it's like, hang mail. And he walks in and they're naked. Just waiting for Dr. Drew, I bet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's a bit of all right. So, Brian, with all your judgment laced verbiage for moments ago in the abstract.

[Giovanni]

I was ready to disagree with you, but you put Drew up there, and it's like, no, thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, thank you, Drew. All right, let's.

[Giovanni]

Hey, I got. I got an idea. We actually have a listener question that might be a good. What can I have complained about today? Mike G. From Buffalo. Where are you? Raise your hand. Where's Mike G?

[Adam Carolla]

Mike G. Hey. What happened? They threw you out of Buffalo for being too skinny? You're like, listen, listen, straw. Wait. Get the fuck out of here. Throwing the curve off for the rest of us. We're trying to enjoy some wings here. Women are big in Buffalo. Yeah, that's why they got you out of there. So how long you been out of Buffalo? Mm. All right. I knew One guy from Buffalo I worked with doing earthquake rehab work, and his name was Big Mike. I just put big. It's, it's, it's, it's. When a guy is Big and his name is Mike, you just put in Big in front of his name. It's not a great. That's no skeeter or any, any kind of. That's not a good, you know, that's not a good nickname. But anyway, so what's your question? Oh, wait, Brian knows it.

[Giovanni]

He wrote down what I think Mike has a tattoo of you. Is this correct?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

Okay. Complain about you as a tattoo, first of all, but then talk to Mike and see what the fuck's going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, at first glance, it's gonna look like Dr. Martin Luther King, but if you squint, it would be nice. Hold on a second.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The universal tattoo. They say we're all gonna kind of look the same in 2050.

[Bald Brian]

We're all gonna like Terrence Howard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we're all gonna look like Terrence Howard.

[Giovanni]

Rick Fox.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. We're all gonna look like that. I would suggest that my kids get the universal tattoo when they're older so that they can say to their boss, their boyfriend, their girlfriend, or whoever, like, hey, I got a tattoo of you. And they can do it to 25 people a day.

[Gina Grad]

Eric Benet, get the tattoo of the tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. We're all gonna look like Eric Bennet. Thank you. From your mouth to God's ears. All right, what do we have over here? We have a tattoo. Oh, it's a hand.

[Bald Brian]

That was so weird looking for two seconds when you pulled out another hand.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like a prosthetic.

[Gina Grad]

It's a magic trick.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a magic prosthetic hand with.

[Bald Brian]

It's actually weirder that you have it on a fake hand versus your own hand.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a real tattoo on a fake hand. Uh huh. That you use to jack off. I'm just finishing your thought, that's all.

[Giovanni]

Is this a complain about this, Carolla? Is what that would sound like if someone did that?

[Bald Brian]

Is it like a Daniel, let's find.

[Adam Carolla]

Out if that cervix is floating or what's going on.

[Bald Brian]

Is it hanging in a tattoo shop? Or you could get like number two.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where did you get this? How did you get it? Do you do tattoos? It's really, it's nicely done. Take my hand. It's nicely done. But you tell me where and how and when.

[Bald Brian]

I have a why.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll go. We'll Start with why.

[Bald Brian]

Just why?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I couldn't find anybody to actually get a tattoo of you. You couldn't find? Oh, you couldn't. No one was. Salada. Huh.

[Bald Brian]

Nice people.

[Adam Carolla]

You do tattoos though, and that's your work? Oh, as a tattoo artist you have to practice, right? Isn't that just what like homeless corpses are for? Or do you. But do you guys work on, like, EMTs? Work on those dummies, like doing the mouth to mouth and all that kind of stuff? That's equivalent. So you're a tattoo guy and you did that for me? Wait, am I allowed to have that?

[Gina Grad]

You want it?

[Bald Brian]

You definitely want it.

[Giovanni]

I like it if you want it.

[Gina Grad]

You want it. That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll put it next to Ron Jeremy's cock in my secret closet. I'll put it around. No, I'm gonna use it to throw at my kids because later, like when we're all in therapy and they're complaining, I'll be like, hey, listen, Ms. Therapist, I never technically laid a hand. No, you're good. Sorry. Technically I did. Did I ever lay up? Was the hand attached to me?

[Giovanni]

Was it my hand?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now who's crazy? Now who's talking crazy? He threw his hand at me. Down the hall, please. You can see. This is insane.

[Gina Grad]

But it brings up a question I'm curious about. Does anybody have their face tattooed on somebody else? Raise your hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, mm.

[Gina Grad]

Just me.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Bald Brian]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

What do you got?

[Gina Grad]

My dear friend Randy Wang, who? We used to do a podcast together. Sure. Thousandth podcast. He got our faces tattooed on his arm. And that was. He regrets it.

[Bald Brian]

Not on my arm.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be quite a super horny dude.

[Bald Brian]

Every day show anything.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta be quite a.

[Bald Brian]

It's on his arm.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta be quite a conversation. I'd like to see it too. Where? Oh, his arm. Sorry.

[Bald Brian]

They won't know what you're laughing at on the recording.

[Adam Carolla]

I. It's gotta be quite a conversation starter at a party for Randy. Who's that? And what's the pop card again?

[Bald Brian]

I would be so annoyed if I met a guy that I liked and he had another girl tattoo.

[Gina Grad]

Well, that's what I said. He has a girlfriend now. She's not pleased and I don't blame her.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, she's like, you're telling me you guys didn't fuck.

[Giovanni]

There it is.

[Bald Brian]

Are you Asian in this picture? This looks like a Chinese communist, like, propaganda poster. But, like, that's what they think Americans look like for the guy Fucking Chinese women.

[Gina Grad]

Like, to be fair, that's exactly what he looks like.

[Bald Brian]

Round eye. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Victory is imminent.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Brian, I'm not wrong.

[Giovanni]

That's him.

[Adam Carolla]

That's him.

[Bald Brian]

I can volunteer this. I dated someone once and in my defense, he had like a bunch of tattoos and so it's like, all right. And that's not my thing. So I'm like, all right, well, I like you. He had a tattoo I'm gonna show you on this from here to here of his mother, who is neither deceased nor is he Latin.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, not Latin.

[Giovanni]

I'm confused.

[Bald Brian]

Full Jewish. If anything.

[Gina Grad]

Full on whole tattoo.

[Bald Brian]

You're having sex, you're just covering it. You're like, oh my God. For real.

[Gina Grad]

But I think that's the only tattoo you can get as a Jew and still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

[Bald Brian]

That's why you gotta be of your mother.

[Adam Carolla]

I. My makeup lady from. I'm not going to call them artists. Fuck that. Let's just call them makeup ladies or dudes just smearing flesh colored shit on someone's flesh colored face. How much art is there in that? But anyway, like, you're covering up my neck rash. That's. You're a real, real artist. Anyway, she had the full. She. I hope you're sitting down. She was of Hispanic descent and did have the full blown, like up full upper arm that bled into the shoulder that went past the elbow of grandma. But you know grandma when she was hot, you know, at age 20, 26 back in the old country or whatever. And she said, it's my grandma. And like everyone else was like, oh, that's awesome. And I'm like, I don't think it's awesome. And they're like, why? And I'm like, what if we're ever hanging around and my grandma pops in and she's like, where the fuck is my tattoo? Skinny arms, you know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

Showing you up?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, showing up everybody. And she can't go around anyone's grandma. They got no fucking. This a life size full head tattoo of grandma on there. And by the way, all you people, I'll take it, I'll take it a step further, you asshole. With your kids. Kids names and shit. How about me? I got nothing.

[Bald Brian]

I got. There's a. You know those shows, those reality shows like tattoo cover ups like these like on deep cable where it's like people come in with a fucked up tattoo and they've got to cover it up or something. Or you just. It's just a challenge for the artist to Do a tattoo. So once in a while, if you catch one of these shows, it's always awkward when it's like a sad story. Like they produce it. Well, like maybe they. The guy's kid died or something horrible with a kid. And he gets the kid as like an angel or something. And then it's. Sometimes I've seen it where like, the kid comes out weird looking in the tattoo. Like his head's like a little smush.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And it's like daddy's little angel, but he's got like a up face. And you're just like, what do you. Hey, how do you. What do you say is the tattoo artist? And then what do you say is like the grieving parent? Like. Yep, that's what it looked like. Like, it's just. Now it's a dead weird version of your kid reminding you that it's dead.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not.

[Bald Brian]

I know it's because I said dead get dead kids. But yeah, I do the tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Under my regime, that guy will not be arrested, but he will certainly be monitored and watched closely. A close cousin of the guy runs out for a high five on the high speed pursuit.

[Bald Brian]

I think most people should be in prison. I am with you on this. I'll be your counselor.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So how is the Orange is the New Black? Are you watching that show? It's good. What are we. What are we getting out of that? Is it. Is it. Is it sexual? What's going on?

[Bald Brian]

Me to reveal what happens in Orange City Black? It's just great. It's a great storyline. And I don't know, there's not a lot of girls here, but there's a. It's a lot of roles for women of many colors. You don't see that a lot. And it's pretty fun. You see, if you're gross. You want to see a bunch of girls go down on each other? That happens, too. You can watch it with your girlfriend. It's a great show. It's great writing, great storylines unparalleled by anything else on television.

[Adam Carolla]

And a lot of going down.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. That's what you got from it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Bald Brian]

A lot of kissing. And it's. Everybody just so good.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Bald Brian]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Rose. She's hot, right?

[Bald Brian]

Super hot. She looks like. I'm sure she hates being told this, but it also is great. Angelina Jolie. And like, I'm looking. I'm like, I. You cannot make yourself a lesbian. But I would now you.

[Adam Carolla]

But to women, you have a lot more latitude sexually. Flex, flexible. You're more Physically and sexually flexible. Right?

[Bald Brian]

There's more to us. There's more things you can change. If a guy's ugly, he's ugly. Unless, like, he makes some money. And with a girl, like, if you're ugly, there are, I mean, you, it's society, not me. And if you're a girl, like, there are things you can do. Like when I had hair extensions, exponentially hotter. No makeup, just guys like, oh, my.

[Adam Carolla]

God, is that hair?

[Bald Brian]

Like, they just. There's just things we can do.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are the extensions now?

[Bald Brian]

Back with the Indian woman I stole them from. No, they're just. They're not. They're in the garbage somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I wish kept them, put them to good use.

[Bald Brian]

Glue them.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, well, no, what I'm saying is, is like, you know, Rob Lowe's a good looking dude, but I'm like, I think I would blow him. You know, like, you think, come on, make out with him and just kind of see where it went. Like, I don't know any guys that are that way unless they're gay. But women, I think with, you know, Angelina Jolie or whatever, authentic.

[Bald Brian]

Actually making out with a girl at this age, I feel like it was a lie. Like in college, you know, you just want to. I get it. You kiss a girl at like, even in your 20s. Like, I'm drunk. This is fun. But like, at 32, like, this realized as like a human and like, I'm a stand up comedian. If I did that, it would be like, what, now you're gay? Like, there is no. Like, I was just having fun. It's like, nope, you're gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Brian]

At this point, I've committed too much the other way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. There are beautiful women. I have no desire to touch a vagina. I think they're so gross.

[Adam Carolla]

I get you.

[Bald Brian]

Mine's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that slapping move that Gina does with the vagina, though. That's my. That would be my pain. Well, you know, I, I did say no. And then, then the whole Caitlyn Jenner thing came about and I realized, you know, if he could make the move at, I don't know, 66. Who knows what's in all of our futures? We don't know.

[Giovanni]

Never say never.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't know. All right, let's do one more. Let's see, what do I got? Can I really keep this hand?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the fingers are big to small. Oh, okay. I like that. The two in the middle. I like that. I like that. Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

I have One if nobody else does. Anybody?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

The Big Brothers, Big Sisters organization.

[Adam Carolla]

Big Brothers, Big Sisters organization, Noble Organization. I was a Catholic, Big Brother. I'm not a Catholic. I was just sort of. They don't have an atheist Big Brother. If they did, they don't advertise. They're not even agnostic, Big Brother. There's just the Catholic. I think they might have a Jewish Big Brother thing going on. Although there's not a whole lot of young neglected Jewish boys out there. You may have to drive a while.

[Giovanni]

The supply far aways the demand for that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I was a Catholic, Big Brother. I have many complaints about the process. One is the interview process, which is they ask. A nice woman, asks you alone in a room, how many times a day do you think about sex? Wow.

[Bald Brian]

Is it a Catholic organization?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know anything about it other than. Other than they asked me how many times a day I thought about sex.

[Bald Brian]

But you're a guy. It's 24 hours a day. Like, there's no.

[Gina Grad]

Are you. That's a lie detector test.

[Bald Brian]

If you say she's. If you say less, she's gonna know that you're a total perv because you're like two.

[Adam Carolla]

But you understand if I say all day, every day, weekends, holidays, including now, I don't get a young boy to take home and fucking. But no, I mean, no, you didn't say. I'm sorry. Throw Frisbee, too.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, she didn't say sex with a dude. She said sex in general. There's no. Just because you think about sex doesn't mean it's. It's pedophilia and doesn't mean that it's gay sex. So she has to say, how many times a day do you think about sex with a dude? And then you'd be like. Like twice. And then it's fine.

[Giovanni]

Don't. Don't say what she said in the interview.

[Adam Carolla]

She. She just said, how many times a day do you think about sex?

[Gina Grad]

What did you say?

[Bald Brian]

Loaded question. Next.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, speaking of loads.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You could use that paperweight, but I got some that keep those babies in place today.

[Giovanni]

55 times.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Giovanni]

56. 57.

[Adam Carolla]

I said three times. I said three.

[Bald Brian]

What's the answer? There's no way there's. But there. She must have an answer.

[Adam Carolla]

No. What? What?

[Bald Brian]

She's like, wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

No, her aunt. Her wrong answers is profound. Sweating is insane. Sweating with a stuttering answer that says why? Who wants to know why? You look over your shoulder.

[Bald Brian]

You're only. You're Pretty much guaranteed by that logic to hire crazy people because they're going to try to give an answer that seems normal. The real answer is often and you can't quantify it. And you don't fucking know. You weirdo. Get a real job. Don't be a volunteer.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to fuck a kid today. I'm not here to insult counselors.

[Bald Brian]

What do I have to do to get you inside a kid today?

[Adam Carolla]

What do I got to do to put you and a nine year old today? All right, so. No, but I want to. I don't. I. She wants me to panic or see. I think the. Because she started off with, you know. You know, what's your name? How long you been in town? What made you. What part of this.

[Bald Brian]

How long you been in town like you're a drifter?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, man, how long you been in town?

[Bald Brian]

Like, I live here.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, listen, man, there's a whole Bob Seger song about being on the road and whatnot. No, I had guys. I had guys in my seminar that were from like St. Louis that showed up. I don't know what the. They're called a group of pet dudes that wanna. No, there were guys like, I'm from. I'm from St. Louis and I. My. I. My company shipped me out here and I've been here for like four or five days.

[Bald Brian]

When you're growing up here, this, like recently.

[Adam Carolla]

This like in the mid-90s.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, so you weren't. Okay, I. I was thinking you were like a teenager. Okay, so you were like an adult.

[Adam Carolla]

I was doing the. I was on top.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you were on the fan show.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I mean, no, you misunderstand.

[Gina Grad]

Not that he was a top.

[Bald Brian]

No, I was on top of these kids.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying I wrote. I was an adult.

[Bald Brian]

Great. I got it. All right, so she asked you.

[Adam Carolla]

I was pre man show. But. But post. Post adult.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. Yeah. So how many times a day do you think about sex? And you said three times.

[Bald Brian]

And she said it's.

[Adam Carolla]

No, she wasn't.

[Bald Brian]

She was a brand new Casio keyboard.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not looking for a number. They're looking for a reaction.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, no, they should be looking for a color. That should be the answer. You're like blue. And she's like, that's how I feel too. I don't know. Because that's such. That's such a ridiculous question with.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, there's.

[Adam Carolla]

Why. It's the best question ever. You're getting caught up in the answer. It's not the Answer. It's what the person looks like giving.

[Giovanni]

Me how you answer.

[Bald Brian]

So if somebody comes in and they're touching themselves and they're super gross and they've got sores and how long do you think about sex? Oh, a couple times a day versus you come in and you're like three. Like, those are both. Those are equal answers. So you're saying it's all about the way you look, and even though that person could be a billionaire who only loves kids and gives them money.

[Adam Carolla]

How many years did you go to the Groundlings?

[Bald Brian]

Yes, and thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

They want a reaction. I don't know what they're looking for, but somebody told them, ask this question and see what the answer is. By the way, I think they probably have to ask it because if they give you a kid, you end up prolapsing his anus. Someone's got to. Well, hold on. Not in a bad way.

[Giovanni]

No, I'm saying you're going to Google that.

[Adam Carolla]

You're going to get into trouble. Somebody's going to go, did you ask how many times they had sex? I didn't think that's that.

[Bald Brian]

Then you're reaction based. Are they all reaction based? That's the only one of all of them. That's reaction.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know that.

[Bald Brian]

What do you want for lunch?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't know that. That one. I don't even know that. I'm assuming that that's why they did it.

[Bald Brian]

So you're saying I'm wrong to be caught up in the answer, but maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

I am saying I think they wanted to see what your face looked like.

[Bald Brian]

You just immediately started jerking off. Like they just wanted to see the reaction.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I would. I'd hope that the body language would be more subtle than that. That's what I think, but I don't know.

[Gina Grad]

I hate to skip too far ahead, but did you get a kid?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, at this rate, people have died by natural causes by the time Eliza hook up with him.

[Bald Brian]

What was the next question.

[Adam Carolla]

Asked if I did drugs.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right.

[Bald Brian]

Duh.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that makes sense.

[Bald Brian]

I'm not a loser. Of course I did drugs. I have friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now, what's the proper answer?

[Bald Brian]

That my answer? Always.

[Adam Carolla]

Always.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're trying to walk with a young child though, right?

[Bald Brian]

I did drugs and it was a mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you're a liar.

[Bald Brian]

The chances are these kids have probably been exposed to drugs, so it's better that I've done them. And I can tell you after you do mdma, you're gonna experience depression for two to four days after.

[Adam Carolla]

Aha. You'd be like a mentor.

[Giovanni]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Talk about. Yeah, like, be careful. Some of that street horse it stepped on with baby lads in it. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Or do you just give this doc. I did it a couple times in.

[Bald Brian]

High school because everyone's done. It's. Everyone's on drugs for the most part, except for, like, weird punk rock people who, like, take too much pride in being, like, Straight edge.

[Gina Grad]

Straight edge.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is 1994. Not every. Not it wasn't quite as prevalent as it is now. Yeah. All right. Yeah. So do drugs. How long you been here? Why do you want to be a Catholic, big brother? How would you answer that one?

[Bald Brian]

I wouldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

No answer.

[Bald Brian]

I feel as a Jew, there's nothing more important to me than Catholicism. And as a woman, there's nothing more important to me than being a big brother. So I think I went in the wrong door. Is this cvs?

[Gina Grad]

Is this the Chabad house?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the building does not have a back door. I can tell you that right now. I can tell you that. Just symbolically a prolapse back door. I got a kid named Nate stayed with me for four or five years.

[Bald Brian]

He stayed in your house?

[Adam Carolla]

He slept over quite a few times. I have no idea.

[Bald Brian]

Ever since Nate stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever since I. He disowned me when I got famous.

[Bald Brian]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

He disowned you?

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty. Yeah, I really. He got. Well, no, when you get to a certain age, you get from, like 13 to, you know, 19 or whatever it is. That's. That's me and Nate, my Catholic little brother.

[Bald Brian]

That's a good looking kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Nate's not too shabby either, is he?

[Bald Brian]

You're good looking. You're a good looking kid, too. That is so sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, it's really. Oh, I got a name tag. Yeah, it says Adam on there. Is Nate worth the picnic or the whatever.

[Gina Grad]

Newspaper salesman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's wearing a. No, I think he's wearing a baseball hat.

[Bald Brian]

You had to wear that. Now, if you had to wear that tape, that tag now, would you just write? Come on. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on.

[Bald Brian]

You really don't. He's just gone. He's just back in the system.

[Adam Carolla]

I. No, no, he's not in the system. He's like. She's like 29.

[Bald Brian]

System one's in the system.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't get out. Stuck in that school to prison. Pipeline at 31.

[Bald Brian]

If orange is a new black has taught us nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's Probably. I mean, Jesus Christ, I think about it, what's his last name? If I don't. You know, they told us we're not allowed to say, and I can't remember.

[Bald Brian]

But if you're not in the system, it's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. I really swear to God, I can't remember his last name.

[Bald Brian]

Nathan Fillion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I was trying to think of another Nate.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I was probably only like 15. Probably only like 15. 16 years older than he was. So he's got to be like 34, 35 or something.

[Gina Grad]

Now, did it take you a while to get through to him? Was there kind of a hard exterior or did you get along right away?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he wanted to get the fuck out of the apartment and would go anywhere and hated it. When I dropped him off at the. At the end of the day and, geez, I haven't even seen those pictures in a million years. And we go to. We go to Taco Bell because it was almost free and I didn't make any money, so I had to pay for all the meals, you know, so it was like I was flat broke.

[Bald Brian]

And where did you drop him off? Like at his house or like at like a living.

[Adam Carolla]

Living Just a rest stop at another house.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. I don't know if it's like, you live at home or like, is he like an orphan?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I don't know. He's his. He had like two sisters and a younger.

[Bald Brian]

He works at Office Max.

[Adam Carolla]

Younger brother and a single mom, and she just signed him up because he needed some. Like. His dad actually lived in South Africa, as I recall. His dad lived in Kenya, which was crazy, but white as a ghost. And then I picked him up and then he had the one friend. You guys know Tim the Russian rapper? Yeah, one. He had one team. He had one fat friend from Russia. And this kid was like. Had a lazy eye. My guy, he had no friends, but he had one friend, Tim, the Russian rapper, who. My thing is, like, look, if he can come to the beach with us, because now you have somebody to run around the beach with, and I'll just flop out here and look at a magazine or something. So I throw team in there with me. But Tim, the first interaction I had with Tim was, what's your name? And his reply was, team, team. And then I said, team. And he said, no, no, not team, team. And then I said team, like, like a basketball team. No, team. And I, we went back and forth like, the Lakers are a team, right? No, no, no, no, no. Not team team. And we did that for a while. And I finally. Nate told me his name was Tim. And even though he couldn't pronounce it. And then later on, he started bringing mix cassettes with Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg and all that kind of stuff. And I will. I'll regale you with a little team. The Russian rapper. So we. I drove a Zuzu Trooper.

[Gina Grad]

Hot.

[Adam Carolla]

It has to be one of the slowest. Not automobiles, just something with wheels. I include shopping carts and refrigerator dollies, rickshaws, lawnmowers, zero to 60. It was a huge brick of an SUV with a like 1.6 liter, four banger. There's just screaming for mercy that's under that hood. Like, it couldn't go anywhere. And when I put Tim's fat ass in it, it really couldn't go anywhere. And we'd be like leaning forward, trying to get up over the 405, you know, to go to the beach or whatever it is. And he put the. His mix cassette in and then he'd be in the back just. Just busting the rhymes along. Is that what the kids call along with that? And his was. I had. He had two beaches. Ain't shit but hoes and tricks. Suck on these balls and leak on this dick. I as an American felt. Did you get that drop down pretty good?

[Giovanni]

That's pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Very proud that I'd indoctrinated. Been a small part of bringing him into this culture. Yeah, he had. I didn't. I had a nice. Nice heart to heart with him. Once when we were driving to. We're going to Magic Mountain, it was like big brother day at Magic Mountain.

[Bald Brian]

So there's people spying on you all day.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. And they decide who gets to thrown out of the house at the end of the day. And it was big brother. Thank you. Took these guys a little while over there to get your joke. This dead over here trickled over there. Yeah, we. I remember clearly. We bought. They bought big gulps at 7:11. And Tim promptly dumped his all over the back seat. You don't know what like 68 ounces of Dr. Pepper really does to the cloth interior of a car, but it is a lot of fucking soda.

[Gina Grad]

Lot of fire ants in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Lot of like, you know, the part where you're opening the door and trying to scoop it out. Like, you know, it's a lot. It's a lot. He just got done doing that. We're driving to Magic Mountain. They're both entering, like their Junior year of high school and no ladies whatsoever. What? So like, nothing. Not even a. Not not.

[Gina Grad]

That's a good looking kid. Yeah, Nate was a cutie. Yeah, Nate's hot, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you guys, you guys, don't us.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

He needs you. Would have gotten near his dick in high school. Don't. Brian, are you. Are. I look at this as attack this revisionist history where like, chicks are like, I'm totally into the funny guys and the cute little guy.

[Giovanni]

Well, what I will say is that n. Nate is a good looking kid and he may look good in pictures, but he probably had that energy, the low confidence, you know what I mean? All that stuff that girls are hotter.

[Adam Carolla]

I pray Nate is not listening. Nate was not a good looking kid. He looks cute like a kid. No, he. Look, he had a rock stars.

[Giovanni]

You're the only one here who's met him. We're just looking at two pictures.

[Bald Brian]

Two really hot pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

He's three foot shorter than I am. He's 14. Look, six foot two.

[Gina Grad]

We gotta see that picture again.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. It's a long night. Here we go. Show. Show the picture.

[Bald Brian]

So hot.

[Giovanni]

All right, what's wrong with Nate?

[Adam Carolla]

I get it.

[Gina Grad]

He kind of has a gelfling thing going on.

[Giovanni]

I would. Nate. Fine, I'll say it. I'll say it.

[Adam Carolla]

Show the picture, Gary. Where he's two feet shorter than me. Please. Number one, he had a lazy eye. He had a lazy eye. Well, it always helps to illustrate my point when you don't show the. Right.

[Bald Brian]

Wait, can I just say, what's worse is if he's listening and you say show the other picture and all of a sudden everyone just starts laughing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Then he's gonna hear that he was a cute kid. Kind of like your dog is cute, but when you're in the 11th grade of high school, you don't have to dodge a lot of pussy with that look.

[Bald Brian]

That's an 11th planner.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he would become one shortly after this.

[Bald Brian]

He's not as hot as we thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, moving on.

[Bald Brian]

He's not as hot as we thought.

[Giovanni]

You browbeat us into agreeing with you.

[Adam Carolla]

It helps in the relaying of the story.

[Bald Brian]

Do you have any shirtless pictures of Nate? Just to get a better idea, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Have them in my memory trunk at home. And when I say memory trunk, it's not exactly shaped like a trunk.

[Bald Brian]

It's a nightstand.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, should we. Let's do some news. Should we do some news? Yes. Oh, hold on. First off, Dollar Shave club. You guys using Dollar Shave Club? Yes. I never stop using these guys. Dollar Shave Club. It's it. That's it for razors. It all you. They give you the handle, by the way. It's not like you ever lose the handle because you never shave anywhere except for the same place in your house every day.

[Giovanni]

And they have three different kinds of razors. You ever switch back and forth? New handle every time. So you'll never run out of handle, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Get the cartridges. You never go to the store ever again. It makes a great Father's Day gift. Well, you can go to the store for other things, but not. I will grant you that. Maybe a quart of milk. Oh, write that shit down. $Milk Club. Gotta get that domain name. Sure. There's something weird on there. Makes a great father's Day gift. DollarShaveClub.com Adam these guys are good. Michael Dubin's a smart mother effort. DollarShaveClub.com all right, let's do some news, shall we? Give the news with crack. News with Gina Grad. Show bids, Congress, technique, sources. Well, give me news with Gina Grad. We're shit out of Florida Sex surveys. Obama need. News with Gina. Gina the news with Gina Grad.

[Gina Grad]

So you're familiar with Frank Sinatra, are you not? You're a fan.

[Adam Carolla]

I know the name.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, well, his address book from the 1970s through the 1990s went up for auction and was sold for quite a price tag. The book included the personal information of everyone from John Wayne to Elvis Preston Presley to Ronald Reagan.

[Giovanni]

That's pretty cool.

[Gina Grad]

It really is. And it said on the front of his book, it had a little fortune cookie message that said, beware of friends who are false and deceitful.

[Bald Brian]

Jesus.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, a little dark.

[Bald Brian]

So hardcore for an address book. Yeah, but I'll put him in anyway.

[Gina Grad]

How much do you think the book sold for?

[Bald Brian]

$2,500. That's my number for the show.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Good. Well, how can we tell without looking at the receipt? I have to see the proof of purchase and then I can wait. So it's a. It's a book from the day. It has all.

[Gina Grad]

All his handwritten Sinatra, but it's also.

[Adam Carolla]

Could we call it a little black book, as they used to say.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly.

[Bald Brian]

I think it's dorky that Frank Sinatra kept his own address book. Like he's even assistant and like. That's weird. That's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He would have Kim. Six.

[Giovanni]

Six figures at least.

[Bald Brian]

Just saying.

[Gina Grad]

You go six.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did it sell? Where? Wait, sold on, like, online auction. You know, Christie's figures.

[Bald Brian]

Counting to the right of the decimal as well.

[Giovanni]

Six. Six dollar figures.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. Spit out anywhere. I'm going to say $86,000.

[Bald Brian]

Wait, can I change my answer?

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

86,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa.

[Bald Brian]

Two and two.

[Adam Carolla]

No, wait.

[Gina Grad]

You got to be right. Without going over.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Gina Grad]

You have to cut. Be close without going over. No, it's 8,900.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I said. $8,600. That's what?

[Giovanni]

That's it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Schwangle on record saying it's odd because.

[Giovanni]

It'S kind of a thing where he wrote in it. Possibly also all the time.

[Bald Brian]

Everyone that's in it is dead. So you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you just bummed out the guy who bought it. Because, like, I'm gonna. Gina Lowell abridging up.

[Giovanni]

I was gonna show up at Evergreen.

[Adam Carolla]

Boar's house, tear the page out. You see him driving down the street. They're going out the window. I feel like that's a pretty decent score.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Nine grand.

[Giovanni]

That's underpriced.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Are you looking for a job? Well, there is a day of the week that you should apply more than any other. That will increase your chances of getting it. According to the new data from smart recruiters, Tuesday is the most popular day for companies to post new job listings. And people who apply for a job when it posts have a much greater chance of getting it. So if you.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's when they drop. That's when everything drops. Right.

[Bald Brian]

I think I have some insight to this logic. Especially living in Los Angeles, you feel this more than ever. Anyone here that works in entertainment knows if you try to get an answer for anything on a Monday, it's, well, everyone's just getting back to the office. And then if you try to get an answer on a Friday, it's. Everyone's leaving for the weekend. So really, our work week is Tuesday through Thursday. And, like, even Wednesday, it's like the core of it. Even Tuesday, it's like, well, you know, things are leaving early, but Tuesday.

[Giovanni]

Monday was crazy.

[Bald Brian]

So Monday was crazy. They're out of town for this week. Everyone died. And so there's always something you got. Tuesday through Thursday is what Monday should be. So people hit the ground running on a Tuesday. Thursday night, they start getting drunk for Friday.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I think people are doing that with drinking on Thursdays.

[Giovanni]

It's Thursday, everybody.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, Thursday.

[Adam Carolla]

They've decided Friday's a bridge too far. Let's get drunk on Thursday. All right.

[Gina Grad]

Well, billionaire Richard Branson recently made a splash in the corporate World by offering all of his male employees at Virgin Management, the investment and brand licensing arm of his Virgin group.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you feel like Elon Musk, like, went up to Branson like, two and a half years ago and went, listen, old fella, you're out. I mean, is the kind of new cool guy, like, people will be coming to me for answers. We used to look to you for this kind of for cool shit.

[Giovanni]

I think Branson still got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but he ain't around. Like, he not. He's not. Like, he's not.

[Giovanni]

We're still.

[Bald Brian]

Richard Branson looks like Charlie Simon if she had a sex change. Yes, you get weird because she was in the hospital, but I'm right.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like Rich used to pop up all the time on stuff. And it's been like, a good couple of years since I've seen him, like, doing his press thing or launching something.

[Gina Grad]

So does that mean galactic out, hyperloop in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm just saying, like, I feel like his. His. His thunder was stolen by Elon a little bit. Like, we're all. It's all kind of Tesla and Hyperloop and Space X and all. That guy was Richard Branson ten years ago, was all discussion about going to space. He was. He was going up in his dirigibles. He was going to. Going up in his balloons, trying to set records. And there's a lot of. He was, oh, I'm here on my island talking with a lot of women that I'm not fucking, according to my wife. You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like Elon stole some of his thunder.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Richard's about to ingratiate himself right back to his employees because he's offering men a full year off paid for paternity leave. This is the same company that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Reportedly gives unlimited vacation home.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking telling their boyfriend, don't pull out, man.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but the horrible part is that if you're like, what if your wife doesn't have maternity leave? So you're just chilling and she's at work somewhere. Right. I guess the baby.

[Gina Grad]

They both. They both get it. But it's unheard of that a dude would get a year off to bond with that little.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't want to throw any pebbles in Branson sandal over here, but last night. Check. Staying home and raising a child is the hardest job anybody can farm out to a Guatemalan nanny. So is it really a vacation when, in fact it's the hardest job?

[Giovanni]

He's betting they're gonna be Dying to get back to work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I would argue if you're caught up on almost every TV series you're into, it is not the hardest job. My wife's still trying to get me to watch the Sopranos and I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm pissy. I've got too much shit going on for the. Whatever.

[Gina Grad]

So do you think this is a good thing or you're.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I, I, you know. First off, you don't need that first year with your kid. That first. No, they don't know shit. They don't know who you are. God's honest, if you walked into a room and it was just me. When my twins were, you know, four and a half months old, it was just me and Charles Manson. They'd start grabbing first beard and, like, petting it. But wait, you know what I mean? They prefer him over me.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

The kid may not need it, but what if the dad needs it? Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And then you're forced to do a bunch of. That has to do with poo.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

A very poo centric gig.

[Gina Grad]

That was never your thing though, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, my.

[Bald Brian]

Whose thing is it? I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

I got it. There's like three German guys who are into it enough for the rest of us.

[Gina Grad]

Not everybody wants a Danny Thomas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sorry, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Are you aware of what that is?

[Adam Carolla]

The Danny Thomas?

[Giovanni]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Are you aware. Am I aware of what it is? I was, I was standing in the most uncomfortable Danny Thomas related story on the planet.

[Giovanni]

This is a great story.

[Adam Carolla]

Do tell. I shot a pilot.

[Giovanni]

Well, do people know the Danny Thomas thing?

[Gina Grad]

Let Adam say it. If you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't make me say is it's an urban legend that he liked to defecate on top of glass coffee tables while folks, maybe ladies underneath the glass coffee table would look. Oh, no, the other way around. Sorry. The ladies would defecate. And he'd do it. Yeah. He'd do it that way. Right. I do the same thing, but with bamboo coffee tables. I have low self esteem.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't see shit.

[Giovanni]

Of course he was underneath. Show the man some goddamn respect.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right.

[Giovanni]

It was a hot take.

[Adam Carolla]

What else goes on in this room, by the way, other than what we're doing right now? I feel like they'd have it dialed in a little better than this. Okay, so the story, it's sort of, I don't know, like one day when I'm telling my kids. No, no, no. First there's Danny Thomas, then Richard Gere. No, first there's Danny Thomas, then Rod Stewart was having stomach pump for the semen. And then Richard Gere. Right. And then your dad with the. Or it'll be funny. All right. Anyway, I don't know what the future holds. I told you.

[Giovanni]

You're playing the odds.

[Adam Carolla]

We're playing the odds. So we do know, then, the story. I then was doing a TV show at cbs. A pilot. I was shooting a pilot at CBS that I would have starred in. Brian had just come down with a nasty case of the brain tumors.

[Giovanni]

Drew. And I couldn't shake it.

[Adam Carolla]

I told him, hydrate, you gotta hydrate. And then come in on Monday, drink plenty of fluids. Like that.

[Giovanni]

Drink plenty of fluids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So we had.

[Bald Brian]

That's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

What was our. What was our sweetheart's name?

[Giovanni]

Dionne Kirchner.

[Adam Carolla]

Dionne Kirschner. Yeah. Dionne Kirchner was the sweetest, sweetest, sweetest angel of a. Of a. You know, she. She was. I'll just call her the sort of showrunner. That's not the title she had, but, I mean, she. She ran the show at the production. She ran the production, took care of.

[Giovanni]

All the paperwork and all. Everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever. All the paper. What? I literally. What? I had to tell her, Brian is dying. He can't come in. She was like, all right, well, I won't do his paperwork. And then, I mean, she. No, I mean, she's the one you dealt with for parking spots, laminates, jobs, the stage, everything. Everything.

[Gina Grad]

Operations.

[Adam Carolla]

Operations. And she was the nicest, sweetest woman in the world. And when she found out Brian had inoperable brain tumor, it was as if it was a family member of hers. That's how sweet she was.

[Giovanni]

I never met this woman in the flesh. I only talked to her over email. She said, very, very sweet person.

[Adam Carolla]

Diminutive. And. Gary, show the picture. No, she was a shorter one. She was a small, cute, little waifish. Beautiful, little, sweet soul. And we were sitting there after the table read with her and Jimmy Kimmel and the whole thing. And as it turns out, I think her grandfather's Danny Thomas. Danny Thomas. And she never stopped talking about the great work he did with St. Jude's St. Jude's and the cancer research and how maybe Brian could benefit from this true story.

[Giovanni]

St. Jude is the patron saint of hopeless causes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that is true.

[Giovanni]

That is 100% true.

[Adam Carolla]

So we're all standing there after doing a big table read in front of many people and executives, and it's Jimmy and Daniel, the Guy from earlier. And we're all. And Dion. We're all standing around just having a talk about her grandfather. And then her mom or her. I don't know, her aunt Marlo Thomas, who did free to be you and me and blah, blah, blah.

[Gina Grad]

Is she that girl?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I screw screwed up. It's different. Different, but a legacy of service.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, sure, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I can't remember all that. And then all of a sudden, Pam Hadlon walks in, and she's like a little firecracker, a little spark plug. And she. She goes. She's standing between. It's in the middle of this sort of Danny Thomas love fest with St. Jude and all this great stuff, and she just walks up and goes, your grandfather's Danny Thomas. And everyone's standing there, goes, yeah, her grandfather's Danny Thomas. She goes, what's up? At the coffee tables? And everyone is just standing there like, oh. And then to sort of make things worse, Pam Adlon just does one of those things that you see in sitcom. She goes, oh, my God. What did I say? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Sorry. And then poor Dion had to go, no, no, it's okay. We've all heard the rumors. I heard these stories before. I was just standing the whole time going, I would like to crawl up my own and just disappear. Ping. Like a snake. Like, what do you do? You can't do a shoulder roll out of that conversation. You certainly can't jump in like, well, let's explore that, you know? Or you can't say something like, well, I have a glass coffee table, so.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of which.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of which, there's nothing you do but stand there and crazed horror while this goes on.

[Bald Brian]

Coffee does. Makes you. I gotta go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It was as uncomfortable a moment as I think I've ever had. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

How did we get here?

[Giovanni]

Danny Thomas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, got it. Yeah. All right. Sorry. Danny Thomas sold his address book for $8,000.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened? What's the name now? What store were we on?

[Gina Grad]

I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, does anyone know how we got there?

[Bald Brian]

I don't work here.

[Adam Carolla]

Frank Sinatra. Still Richard Branson.

[Giovanni]

I'm missing a link.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, you guys.

[Giovanni]

No one's paying attention.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right, let's do another.

[Gina Grad]

All right, you got it. Well, a Toronto Sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Are we done with Branson? Oh, yeah. It's giving everyone a. Oh, shitting poo. Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

Your thing is not poo. Yeah. Your thing is never thank you.

[Gina Grad]

The fraternity leave for the dads and the shitting.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the problem with that conversation.

[Bald Brian]

Took a natural progression.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I was working a lot when I had my twins and thus I threw money at the problem.

[Giovanni]

Right, the problem being your twins.

[Adam Carolla]

Being my twins. Yes. And the poo. That, that they were.

[Gina Grad]

That they were baiting, spelling.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's right. Right. So I did not get involved with the Pooh. If I was to take a year off and stay home, I would have to get involved very much in the Pooh.

[Gina Grad]

And have you ever changed a diaper on adults?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

I was gonna say as part of.

[Adam Carolla]

A role playing fantasy. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And yes. I did change Jim Norton's diaper once when we'd had too much absence. Other than that, that's fair. I. I probably done my kids once or twice if my wife is like out of town or something like that.

[Gina Grad]

But other than that, you prefer not to?

[Adam Carolla]

I prefer not to. And one of the little luxuries I grant myself for my 200 hour work weeks is not doing the one thing I really don't want to fucking do when I get home.

[Gina Grad]

Fair enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Fair enough. Yes. And for all of those of you who think that makes me an asshole, suck it. Thank you. I make no apologies. You think you're too. Yeah, go work fucking 200 hours every week and pay for everything. And then you tell me what you want to do. Asshole. Go ahead.

[Gina Grad]

Well, this will dovetail nicely. A Toronto sex party is being called the first accessible orgy for people with disabilities. But one of the organizers took to Facebook to explain that Deliciously Disabled. That's the name of the event, is more than just sex. Deliciously Disabled is a masquerade ball that will include a sex toy workshop. The venue holds about 125 people. It's open to anyone of consenting age. The entry fee is only 20 bucks and hydraulic lifts are supplied.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you can. Or you can take the ramp to your tramp.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. First off, I feel like if I snuck in there and stole all the wheelchairs, the orgy would never end.

[Bald Brian]

Is it only for disabled people?

[Gina Grad]

No, you can go if you're able bodied as well.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

Oh, fetishes.

[Bald Brian]

Where is it again?

[Gina Grad]

Toronto.

[Bald Brian]

What day?

[Gina Grad]

Soon.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Anybody?

[Bald Brian]

I just think, I think what you're going to get is a lot of abled people who aren't disabled with a lot of fetishes showing up versus disabled people who just want to like, have like regular sex.

[Gina Grad]

Regular having regular Sex. You're not.

[Bald Brian]

I don't care if I said regular sex. He just said he wouldn't change a diaper. You can't jump on me for saying regular sex. I'm just saying normal. You're going to get. They're. I feel like they're going to be preyed upon in a weird way.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like. I feel my. Like I've never been in an orgy, but I feel like if I was in an orgy, it would just be a countdown before I felt a in my ear. You know what I mean? I'd be happily balls deep and stuff someone else's wife, and maybe I'd feel a digit around the backside.

[Bald Brian]

You wouldn't even know if they're disabled. They're laying down. Yeah, I don't think. I don't. It's probably gonna be dark, dim.

[Giovanni]

A lot of cowgirl. A lot of cowgirl.

[Gina Grad]

All right, let's play this game one more time. Raise your hand if you've been in an orgy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? You've been in an orgy?

[Gina Grad]

I'm the only one.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Have you been in orgy? Yes.

[Bald Brian]

How many makes an orgy? What number?

[Giovanni]

That's my question.

[Adam Carolla]

Eliza, hold on. I have many, many, many questions for you. First, Nest Cam. And by the way, if you are going to have an orgy, it should be documented in perpetuity with that Nest Cam. Yep. See, you're home right now. You could pick up your phone right now, just get the app and see what the hell. There could be an orgy going on in my house right now, and I wouldn't know it. I got the Nest Cam. You get the nest cam. Takes 60 seconds to set up. You just plug it in, you download the Nest app. This is new. It's the new. I have the Nest thermostat. You guys use the Nest thermostat? Yes. Head nodding is awesome for podcasts, by the way.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, I have a Nest.

[Adam Carolla]

You do?

[Bald Brian]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Bald Brian]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome. I use it. I have three of them in my house, and now I have the Nest Cam. You just plug it in. You just mount it. Right. I think it's battery operated. You don't have to plug it in. And anyway, it's brand new. When you subscribe to the Nest Cam, you will continuously record up to 30 days. When was that orgy?

[Gina Grad]

About 30 days ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. I have to do a lot of rewinding. Get free shipping when you buy Nest cam from Nest Cam.com. sorry, Nest.com Nest Nest.com. all right. Orgy.

[Gina Grad]

All right, so this was probably two years ago, and I'll. I'll. It'll make sense when I tell you that I didn't really participate because I didn't realize it was in the Inland Empire.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but now orgy. Hold on a second.

[Bald Brian]

Orgy is like a disabled orgy.

[Adam Carolla]

Is orgy five, five plus?

[Gina Grad]

No. Yeah, I mean, this was. This was like an airplane hangar.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Number three on an orgy?

[Giovanni]

What numbers?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, we're very numbers focused.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, this was probably 200 people.

[Bald Brian]

200 people equal number. Men and women. It was just you and 199 guys.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

And a lot of ice packs.

[Bald Brian]

Were you paid for this?

[Gina Grad]

No, I went with. I had a couple friends from Playboy and they said, hey, you want to see something?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, they sound like good people. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. So we went down there and it was rough. A lot of mustachioed men in button down shirts, socks and nothing else. Just no pants, just walking around.

[Bald Brian]

Why bother?

[Gina Grad]

The buffet and shit. There's a buffet?

[Bald Brian]

It was a buffet of like assholes or like, was it just food? Was it real?

[Adam Carolla]

Some balls in there?

[Gina Grad]

Who's eating, like, you know, the sterno pans and shit? And if. I kind of also felt like I was at a really tacky bar mitzvah party because there was like a hose trying to get everyone pumped up and like girls dancing, like with a dick pump, basically. But it was interesting because there were all these side rooms and you weren't allowed to go by yourself if you were a guy. But girls could go anywhere they wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Hold on. When I go to orgies, I identify as a female. So me and my cock and balls get to roam wherever we like. Judgment free. Just the way you hippies wanted it. Now how you like me, bitches?

[Giovanni]

Genius.

[Gina Grad]

Thank God this is two years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

There was none of that Michigan way back in 2013.

[Bald Brian]

Were they themed rooms or. They're just rooms.

[Gina Grad]

They were themed. And I kept checking in every once in a while because I really wanted to see someone use the swing. And I don't think anyone could figure it out. Yeah, so I went up to the very top floor. It was like a low ceiling and all mattresses. And you had to kind of crawl around and like sit down and there's just piles of people just writhing on top of each other. And I mean. I mean, mustachioed. I mean, this was Riverside.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. What are you. What are you. What are you in at this point?

[Bald Brian]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you wearing?

[Gina Grad]

I'm Wearing a strapless sundress.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Gina Grad]

And this was about. About £20 ago.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And are they. Are they trying to get you involved?

[Gina Grad]

Well, I didn't know that.

[Adam Carolla]

So apparently one would have to expect.

[Gina Grad]

It's not that simple.

[Adam Carolla]

I certainly would, you know, be lobbying quite hard.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and there was a body paint.

[Bald Brian]

I feel like it's like a horror movie. Like hands are just reaching out and grabbing you, trying to drag you to hell.

[Gina Grad]

And there was a body painter. So I let him. I let him paint like my chest. And then I reached out to shake his hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Five gallon bucket of Benjamin Moore. Okay. Somebody had to say so.

[Giovanni]

The party was five days.

[Gina Grad]

You did it, Earl.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking shy five gallons of elastomeric from Home Depot. All right. Sorry. No, Andy. Sorry. I showed up in the second pocket. First goes that covering. You need to use enough primer. Sorry.

[Giovanni]

No, it's the Bear Two in one. It's the Bear two in one.

[Adam Carolla]

You need a big nap roller. Use like a half inch nap on that. Come on. Sorry. You put the screen in the bucket. Use extension. That's how you do it. You don't use the fucking pan on these things.

[Giovanni]

Keep going, Gina.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. It's the paint. All right. Sorry. I'm not.

[Gina Grad]

So I get.

[Giovanni]

I apologize for Adam.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you. I appreciate it. I get painted and I reach out to shake his hand and he puts his erect penis in my hand and he says that he.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, there's Bill Clinton. Who is this? I tuned out.

[Gina Grad]

Well, he said that he's a tour guide at Orgies for Vanillas. Because apparently if you've never been to an orgy, you're a vanilla. So he kind of took me around again in a T shirt. Rockabilly, pompadour, no pants.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, wait a minute. Sorry.

[Bald Brian]

What rockabilly.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you wearing at this point?

[Gina Grad]

I'm wearing a strapless sundress. I'm not taking my clothes off in front of these dudes from Riverheart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's easy enough. If somebody drugs you and then takes you to an orgy and you wake up there. But if you drive to the Inland.

[Giovanni]

Empire, you're there for a reason.

[Adam Carolla]

For 90 minutes on the five. Are you went and then you walk in. You can't be indignant when people ask you to participate. My word.

[Gina Grad]

I wasn't. I wasn't indignant. I was confused. So I'm sitting on a mattress.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, good day, heaven.

[Gina Grad]

I'm sitting on one of the mattresses in the attic just watching the show and there's all these couples sitting.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, wait. I want to know about the titty paint. What? What?

[Giovanni]

It's a station. There were kids getting.

[Adam Carolla]

I probably have a picture.

[Giovanni]

Iron Man.

[Gina Grad]

Damn it. I wish Gary had a picture.

[Adam Carolla]

You had. You had your t. Chest pain. Yes, but under. Above the sundress, I'd say to here, maybe. Okay.

[Gina Grad]

Right above the aerial.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, above the aerial. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

So. So I'm sitting on a mattress and I'm just kind of watching everybody and all. I look around and a couple goes and waves at me. I go, hi. And then I look another one.

[Bald Brian]

They're like.

[Gina Grad]

I'm like, oh, hi. I didn't know the wave was the beckon. I just thought they were waving at me. So I'm still sitting there and I'm just sitting there waving at people while they fucking wait for me to get up. And I'm just staring at them. They're staring at me. They wave, I wave back.

[Adam Carolla]

And like when you pull up at a four way stop sign and the guy just kind of waves his hand at you, do you just think he's saying hi or would he like some action to occur after that?

[Gina Grad]

I throw it in the park.

[Adam Carolla]

How you doing? I'm just fucking a stranger over here. Titty paint. How you doing over there?

[Gina Grad]

Yes, I would have been. If somebody had struck my fancy, I would.

[Adam Carolla]

You would have.

[Gina Grad]

But there it was, just not that crowd. Yeah, it wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You left your fancy at home.

[Bald Brian]

You let the waxing lady strike your fancy. Wait for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Who do you expect to meet at these events? I don't know.

[Gina Grad]

I thought there might be some young, good looking couples. Let me put it this way. There was a professional couple that went with us that professionally, like, gets the. The party started and they wouldn't fuck anybody. So I kind of took my cue from them and I said, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And they were hot elitists. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it was. It was like a David lynch movie.

[Adam Carolla]

So you want with a buffet? You want with a couple?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, that's so gross.

[Adam Carolla]

You.

[Bald Brian]

What was on the buffet? I have to know what was on the buffet. Was it like chili?

[Gina Grad]

No, like popcorn chicken.

[Bald Brian]

And like, like improv food.

[Gina Grad]

Like finger foods.

[Adam Carolla]

Orgy food, you know?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, finger food.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Bald Brian]

Chicken fingers. Bangers and mash.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, exactly. It was weird. It was weird. I stayed for about three hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I want to.

[Gina Grad]

I was so indignant, I left right after three hours.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know about this couple dropping their fiduciary orgy duty of not getting this Thing started by thinking their shit doesn't stop stink, that they're too good for the. The endless Empire. Whatever the hell this this took, this took place. Because if you're a professional orgy starter, that's your gig, man.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't go, well, I don't like this drop cloth, I'm out of here. You know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

Or it gets around that community too. You don't want your reputation to get.

[Bald Brian]

And beside, you want a bad MySpace review.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Were they paid to be there? I don't.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know. I don't. I don't know if they were paid to be there or not. And they were very nice and they sat there and they talked to people, but they were not basically like what.

[Adam Carolla]

They do is back to the buffet. But it's the equivalent to like if you ever show up at a wedding or somewhere that's nice a food or whatever, and they'll have the fucking shrimp thing and it's all laid out and the sauce is in the middle, but all the shrimp is just evenly spaced all around it. And you don't want to be the first asshole to pull the spoke out of the shrimp wheel and make it look like shit, you know, so you're like, you're just standing like, hoping one fat guy comes in and grabs like nine shrimp and then it's on like frenzy. Because now all this whole. This thing that's as pleasing to the palate as it is to the eye is all fucked up now. And now you can come in and desecrate it a little more. That's what they do with fucking, to desecrate it. I want to talk to these assholes.

[Gina Grad]

I will get them on the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm fucking it up with everyone else who doesn't want to get out on the fuck floor.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They'Re the first couple on the floor.

[Gina Grad]

But I think, I mean, there were many couples on the floor, so it already. The party was already started.

[Adam Carolla]

Schiz are like, everyone has one else think. And there's a broken off in them at these parties. Now where was I? So you, you, you were in an orgy, but you weren't really in an orgy.

[Gina Grad]

I didn't, I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You were there. He didn't dive in. No, nothing. Nothing at all. Hand job in the parking lot? Nothing. The dude, I mean, you did grab the guy's.

[Gina Grad]

Technically, yeah, I did do. I gave it.

[Adam Carolla]

You shook his.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I gave a very genteel, very polite hand job.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh? Huh.

[Gina Grad]

A quick couple of up and downs.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. This guy was.

[Gina Grad]

I thought it was his hand for like four seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy was.

[Bald Brian]

Looked like at the disabled orgy you wouldn't know the difference.

[Gina Grad]

Right, True.

[Adam Carolla]

So you. It's true. You grab that, by the way. What happened? There's something there.

[Gina Grad]

No, you could probably bring the hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Oh, I bring the hand to the orgy. All right. Let's do one more first. Casserole, baby. You guys have motor vehicles. What do you drive? What are you driving? Eliza?

[Bald Brian]

I have a Honda Civic hybrid.

[Adam Carolla]

Honda Civic.

[Bald Brian]

Yep. Hybrid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. But it has an internal combustion motor in it.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That's why you need. Castrol has intelligent molecules, everyone. Up to 75% engine occur where occurs when Brian.

[Giovanni]

And startup. Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And warm up start up to 20 minutes.

[Giovanni]

Let me finish.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Sorry.

[Giovanni]

Once in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Castrol TTX with magnetek. It clings to all the important little bits and pieces so the engine don't wear out fast. Available at Walmart, AutoZone and Quick Lube centers. All right. One more. Half a story. We got a quickie.

[Gina Grad]

Yep. So Japanese hotels are launching something called Crying Rooms.

[Bald Brian]

What's wrong with these people?

[Gina Grad]

Kleenex, eye masks, makeup remover and a selection of tear jerking films. The Crying Room aim to have women combat stress. They're about 80 bucks a pop. They're on special until August 21st. And along with the Crying Rooms, Japan also offers love hotels and cuddle cafes.

[Bald Brian]

And they have cafes where kittens are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah. Oh, really?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Anything. I don't know if it's forward thinking or like off the brink or like off the fucking edge. But like anything weird, you can imagine it in like a trippy mushroom dream. They're like, we got that. Our kids go.

[Gina Grad]

And they also have places. I saw a special on this where you can relieve stress by taking a bunch of dishes and just throwing them on the wall.

[Bald Brian]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome. Can I say this to my Japanese brothers? You guys. You honor the elderly. If your kid gets a B minus in trig, you kill yourself. But you also have vending machines that dispense used panties. Which is it?

[Giovanni]

It's a complicated.

[Adam Carolla]

Which the fuck is it? Which is it? Culture.

[Gina Grad]

And don't get started on hentai.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go go down the math road. And I'll go down the panty road. But I'm not going down both.

[Bald Brian]

It's that their culture is a culture cornucopia of emotional triggers. Like if. Because they. Because as society they're so buttoned up. They need to pay to get turned on. Pit with. Some people do that. Pay to cry, pay to feel something, pay to have contact. Like, there's all this. It's a weird currency base.

[Gina Grad]

There's a lot of oppression. So, yeah, sexual suppression.

[Bald Brian]

So they can only. They can only express themselves in these, like, bizarre versus, like, right.

[Adam Carolla]

They have to eat.

[Bald Brian]

We cry freely here. I cried on the way here. It's fine. Gives a. I don't feel I've dishonored my elders or ancestors by crying in public and sniffing panties. Like, big fucking deal. They make it a big deal. They make it very personal. And they.

[Adam Carolla]

Then you pay for it. No, I'm thinking about relocating now.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, I've had a hankering for whale for a long time now. I mean, I like a hankerings off shark.

[Giovanni]

I know a place.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, The Crystal Cove.

[Adam Carolla]

So they have. They have crying rooms.

[Gina Grad]

They have crying rooms. 80 bucks a pop.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home, baby.

[Bald Brian]

In America, every room can be a crying room.

[Gina Grad]

I'm just saying I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina.

[Bald Brian]

Gina.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Gina Grad. My crying room is a little something called the bathroom. That's where I get my work done. And I use a little something called squatty potty. Who's using that? Bad boy. Yeah. I don't know if you guys have studied the data, but turns out 42 million Americans have a little trouble. Something called elimination. Not anymore. Now we got the squatty potty. You guys got this thing. I got this thing. You sit on the toilet. And by the way, if your kids are screaming outside the bathroom, you just pinch your knees together and cover your ears.

[Giovanni]

That's how your knees are that high up.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm that tall. Yeah, me and Howard Stern do that. We talked about that a couple of times. With the squatty potty, I'll pinch my legs shut and block out the world. Squatty Potty, available at Bed Bath and Beyond, at Target. And do it now. Limited time, by the way. Text the word squatty to 511-511, you get the exclusive coupon, you save 20% off your entire order. That's text squatty to 511. 511. Squatty ponny. Father's Day gift man. Gift. That's going to keep giving. I'll tell you one thing.

[Giovanni]

God willing.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, you get him a nice turtleneck sweater. That's fine.

[Giovanni]

Been there, done that.

[Bald Brian]

Hey, dad, you time in here. Dad. I know you like.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why. Oh, listen, I'm pragmatic. I said we're atheists. Eliza Schlesinger, everybody. Stand Up Special. Freezing Hot. Available now on Netflix. Standup dates. I feel like if people go to Eliza.com they can find out where you're going to be, where you're going to be. Is that a good. Is that a good plan?

[Bald Brian]

I feel that way, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Eliza.com with an I. All right. My book, Daddy, Stop talking. Available as we speak. The movies Road Hard and Paul Newman winning the Racing Life. Paul Newman out everywhere. Enjoy that. Lots of live shows coming up. Until next time, Adam Carolla for Eliza Celester, Gina Grad, and bald Ryan saying mahalo. Thanks for making this happen. Thanks for making this a job for all of us. Thanks for creating jobs for all of us. We have a bunch of employees here. Disgruntled, yes, but technically too numerous, possibly. Yeah. So thank you, and thanks for the support and thanks for coming out. We'll be in Irvine at the Improv Thursday, July 2nd. Adam Goldberg, who I'm very interested in getting up on stage with Vegas. We got a bunch of shows coming up July 10th through the 11th, and Dana Gould's coming, and I think a bunch of other cool names are coming as well. Anyway, lots of live events coming, and you can go to AdamCorl.com and. Ooh. Good day, Gina Grant.

[Gina Grad]

Good day to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Handball. Brian, don't crash. Hold it back.

[Giovanni]

Saw Inside out today. Then I followed that up with Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. So.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God.

[Giovanni]

Couple of dusty theaters here in la. I gotta take care of those.

[Adam Carolla]

Let it turn.

[Giovanni]

Allergies are acted up.

[Adam Carolla]

So we'll get a review of that.

[Giovanni]

Inside Out. Yeah, I want to talk about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I was through a Pixar movie that said 91 million with the kids over at Phil Rosenthal's place.

[Giovanni]

Oh, Jurassic World.

[Gina Grad]

Did Natalia make it through?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Natalia was.

[Giovanni]

She wasn't the one in question.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Sonny was the one in question.

[Gina Grad]

She was. She said she was scared, so I wasn't sure if she was gonna be able to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

She's weird little girl. And it does. It does. It sort of begs this question. Aha. Nature and nurture and all that good stuff. Okay. We were at the track on Sunday, and Sonny. Sonny went to the bathroom alone on Saturday. And.

[Giovanni]

Cps. Yeah, listen up.

[Adam Carolla]

And I got the stink guy from Lynette, who sort of. She looks at me. It's sort of irresponsible parenting in her mind toward me, but he's in One piece she can sort of forget. First off, Max Apata the track. Some of the nicest, just hardest working fucking salt of the earth dudes on the planet, number one. Am I right? Yeah, I mean just. It's true.

[Giovanni]

The molester portion of the vintage racing crowd has got to be less than a 15.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, less than, less than 15%.

[Gina Grad]

They're way up in the nosebleeds. They're not in the pit.

[Adam Carolla]

The people who are down on the track, like, I just, I mean this, and I'm not, I'm not not being facetious, I'm not making a joke here, but the guys who like work on their 1965 GT350 Mustang like all year or all month or all whatever, pull the engine, prep the brakes, like rotate the tire and then pack up their little trailers with their extra tires and their jack stands and all the shit where they have to get tire temp, they have to get the temperature of the tires and log them. And they're like walking back and forth, one guy coming to my pit going, I'm run £14 in the front and 16s in the rear during the day. But when it heats up, you may want to let a little out of the whatever. They're like the most focused together dudes in the world.

[Giovanni]

They're dialed in.

[Adam Carolla]

We're the only ones who aren't dialed in.

[Giovanni]

They're then to diddling their cars on kids.

[Gina Grad]

They have no time for pedophiles.

[Adam Carolla]

They're just, they're cool. They're the kind of guys you'd love to have a beer with, but they're also the kind of guys you'd want to be with if shit broke down or you were lost up on top of Mount Penos or something.

[Giovanni]

When we went to go watch your one of your practice races at the grandstands, Sunny wanted to walk back like, oh, I forgot to put my iPad away.

[Adam Carolla]

It's still on the camera chair.

[Giovanni]

And I just stopped him. I said, sonny, you leave that there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Not, not here. It's literally, it is trailers and trucks and cars filled with backpacks, laptops, wallets, shit. People have their laptops everywhere. I mean, dialing in shit on their car. There's thousands of dollars worth of equipment and tools and airless this and that. And it lays around everywhere and everyone just goes and eats lunch and comes back. Nobody, nobody rips anything off. It's a fucking, It's a rich on rich, white on white crime.

[Giovanni]

It's the high limit lounge in Vegas. You can leave that There, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, this is Fontana and it's dusty and it's hot, but still good folks. So in this particular case, I say, fine. You. You may go to the bathroom on your own, which is 75 yards away from where we're sitting. And by the way, if you're not back in four hours, I'll blow a call in your mom. We'll see if we can get something going.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and he's already an old salt at cruising around hotel lobbies, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that was strike one. So what I'm explaining now you have everybody. Listen to me. Everybody, here's the deal. For every move you make, there's a sort of unintended consequence. No matter how good, no matter how good you think that move is equal and opposite reaction. Well, we're learning, Purell. Maybe not so good. Because you think, okay, we're gonna have this thing and we're gonna kill all these nasty germs and we'll rub our hands in it, and we'll do it on the way in and house and the way out of the house, and we empty the garbage after we're done eating, before we're eating. Before we shake hands. After we shake hands, before we take a shit. After we take a shit. But now data starts rolling in. Oh, maybe not now. The intention is great. Put the Purell on, save the kid, kill the germs. But down the road, maybe not. Maybe the rewards aren't so great for that. And what I'm saying is this, my son, I try to treat him like, you know, like a responsible little boy who's capable and autonomous and with nice supervision. But yes, you may go to the bathroom alone at high noon at this track, and then turn around and come back. I will be sitting here under the shade waiting for you by the car. And that's what he does. And that's when he comes back. And every time he does it, he gets a little less Purell, but he gets a little stronger immune system. And I realize my daughter, who's perfectly fine with zip lines and even watching T. Rexes bite the heads off of park officials, when I told her yesterday at the track, she said, I want to go to the bathroom. I said, you can go to the bathroom, walk with Sonny. You guys can go together and you can go to the bathroom. No, I want to go. I want you walk me over there. I said, you don't need me to walk you over there. You can go walk. Sonny will go with you. Wait, whatever. And she's like, no. So what happened? What happened to little evel Knievel? What's going on with her? Well, not scared of T. Rex, not scared of the zip lines. I mean, statistically, at that track, higher probability that a T. Rex would get you than you would be abducted in position in the place we were at.

[Giovanni]

Do you have, you have a theory? Can I float a guess?

[Adam Carolla]

If that's not code for fart?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I think that all those things that she's not afraid of.

[Adam Carolla]

Funny. Can I float again?

[Giovanni]

I have a guess. Am I right? Let me try again. That was very low breath. My guess is that all those things that she's daredevil about, the zip lining, the jumping off the bed, you, daddy back up the pool, all that stuff, Daddy's there agree. And daddy's. Daddy's a safety net. Daddy's there to make sure that it's gonna go okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But also, what are we doing? Well, I walk into the bedroom at 10 o' clock at night and there's Nancy Grace going, they killed the father as they were entering the home, Rounded up the children, put them into a bedroom and set it ablaze. And I see my wife just sitting on that bed going, God damn it. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. And you're sitting there. If this could happen in this rural community, then it could happen anywhere.

[Giovanni]

It's probably happening right now in your home.

[Adam Carolla]

You probably can't hear my voice right now because you are on fire over the screams. Over the screams and smell of seared flesh of your twins, brother and sister now. So you end up watching that shit and you go, fucking, hey, we got serious situation here. And then after that, it's a Special hour of 48 hours. Abducted just 10ft away from her own driveway, Walking unattended home from the soft swirl shop. Abducted and what now, see, I don't see shit. I'm gone. And when I do come home, it's battlebots or, you know, catch a contract or my car auction. How much is my car worth at auction? And I just watch these shows where it's like, we got a 69, boss. 3, 4, 4, 28 big block. Keith, that's about 105,000. You're way off, way off, way off on that. I'd say the hammer drops at 1075. Then they argue and then they come back and get some weird satisfaction out of it. Those are the shows I watch.

[Gina Grad]

You know, the statistic is that women watch those shows far more than men do. The date line, the 48 hours, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

And here's the other problem with statistically statistically, women don't know statistics. So they watch that shit and go, I don't know, 50. 50 chance. Yeah, maybe it's 30% chance.

[Giovanni]

There's a whole hour about it probably happening right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Nancy Grace and Keith, whatever said it could happen anywhere. We live somewhere. That's anywhere. Maybe their math is too good.

[Giovanni]

Irrefutable logic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So then becomes the steady diet of luck. You don't go anywhere. You hold your brother's hand, by the way, to me, that just means the pedophile goes, oh, I get twins to fuck. At least now I got one to keep.

[Gina Grad]

It's a twofer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

They rarely come in pairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. So get a twin pack, two for Tuesday.

[Giovanni]

That's right. So Bogo, you get statistically bugger one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, how dare you use my angels. So statistically, you get this thing where I think. And who wouldn't? I mean, look, they say it with everything. If you sat around, if you're from a foreign country and you turn on the evening news and they're carting some black boy off to jail for shooting his stepfather, whatever it is, how long before you stop picking up black folk in your cab? You saw too much in the news, you know what I mean? Like, you're swayed. You're just swayed. That's the way it goes. So I think the mamas get swayed by the way, these shows are super effective. What they're supposed to do is have you sit there and be scared that this could happen to you. That's why they say this could happen anywhere. This was a normal couple, just on a normal average. Notice how they like to wide it, take it statistically and blow it wide open. Just a quiet summer day. Not any different than any other summer day.

[Giovanni]

72 degrees, it was average day.

[Gina Grad]

And then there has to be a loneliness swing at the swing set at the playground. Kid's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The young boy was abducted and dismembered, was named Kyle. But it could have been. Insert your child's name here.

[Giovanni]

Could just as easily have been your child's name.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll give you a moment to say it out loud.

[Giovanni]

You're a sort of blondie. Dark riddle red.

[Adam Carolla]

It could have been Hispanic, black, Asian, or whatever your child is, male or female, insert it here. Right, so then that's the whole. Because every single thing, every angle they work is fear. Fear. Wow. This could have been. This could have been. Anyway, and honestly, when you see the story and you hear, you know, oh, the. The ferry and Kuala lumpur overturned and 500 people were killed. You're just kind of like, that ain't me. Yeah, I didn't get, you know, the guy got decapitated because he's riding on top of the train. You're like, well, when's the last time I did that?

[Giovanni]

I didn't choose the beach over Kuala Lumpur on a coin toss for a vacation this year.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So not a lot of fear with that, but lots of fear with this. Cuz they keep reiterating, anywhere, any place, anytime, usa.

[Gina Grad]

So is Natalia watching this with Lynette?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Gina Grad]

Because we haven't totally gotten to your theory.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think the theory is the trickle down non economics of it again. Which is like, mamas sit home, mamas watch this stuff. Mamas have all kinds of feelings that don't have to do with crunching numbers. They have to do with being mamas. I mean, that's why. Yeah, that's. That's why mamas are better at being mamas. I mean, that's. That's them. That stuff starts bubbling up in them and they see the child that looks like their own or that could have been a friend of or whatever it is. And then the next thing you know, they start downloading to the child, look, here's what you gotta do, and here's what not to do, which is fine. But there's a negative side effect to that, which is a kid walking around being worried about being abducted. I would argue, since it's never going to happen, is a sort of negative offshoot to the concern. Mom is doing it out of love. But what daddy is trying to explain is, since statistically they're not gonna be abducted, let them walk to the bathroom alone and build up a little muscle. So the thing that's funny when we're now watching it was an interesting thing. So we go to Phil Rosenthal's place, and Norman Mailer's there. Oh, sorry, yeah. What'd I say his name was?

[Giovanni]

Sue Mailer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, there's both. Yeah. Oh, there is. That's right. Yeah. Norman Lear's there, and he's the one in the middle who looks only slightly older than me, although he's 93, looks spry and great guy. Just moving around, man. I mean, just one of those guys. It's like, hey, I'm gonna go see Jurassic Park. And he was around when the dinosaurs actually roamed the earth. So he's like, hey, that's. I know him.

[Giovanni]

Remarkable likeness.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck that one. He's just one of these guys like, I'm going to Phil Rosendal's house. I'm having pizza and I'm having a few cocktails. I'm gonna go watch a movie for a 14 year old. Like that's how you stay spry. 93 years of age.

[Gina Grad]

Was he allowed to go to the bathroom by himself?

[Adam Carolla]

Picture he would have. He was at the track. Oh, right at the. We'll put the picture [e-mail] and Phil was great, gracious and wonderful. And by the way, when, tell me when this happened, the competition. Because this, not this did fucking not exist when I was a kid. The competition to see which adult was going to be nicer to which friend's kids.

[Giovanni]

Oh, I've not, obviously not experienced that with no kids myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it starts with, oh, Jimmy sent them 100 single dollar bills in a binder, you know, wrapped with a hundred dollar thing and a hand made card and all that kind of stuff. Like my dad, my friend David Vendig, his dad, Mr. Vendig, first off, Mr. Vendig, I have no idea what his first name was. Would scare the shit out of me. Walk past me, grunt, tell me, I better hope I didn't open his fucking fridge and then light a cigar and blow it in my face and walk into the other room pissed off.

[Giovanni]

There are a handful of my friends, dads who are cantankerous people. Didn't want to cross them.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, literally.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, when he, when he came pulling up the driveway, he's like, oh shit, Mr. Fendik's home. Like, wrap it up, put the slot cars away, let's get the fuck out of here. We're like gypsies, like packing it up and getting the fuck. It was like a Cher song. We're into that wagon and off down to sell another bottle of Dr. Good.

[Giovanni]

Timely reference. You didn't have to explain it.

[Adam Carolla]

Point is this. When did it happen? I mean, not only are the gifts come rolling in on the birthday, but it's like we come walking in and it's like me, Sunny, Natalia, there's Phil Rosenthal. Oh, hi. Oh, Norman Lear.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, how are.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, look at that. Phil's like drop everything pizzas. And they got 15 different kinds of pizzas and half of them have, you know. Well, it's fantastic. But he knows that they want the cheese or the pepperoni and this stuff's some highfalutin shit, you know, probably want the gorgonzola or whatever, the whatever, mushroom, whatever. So he's like grabbing for the cheese and grabbing and I'm like, relax, they're Fine. They've had a good enough day. They'll find their way to the. No, no, no. Here we go. Here we go. You know, telling the pizza guy, look, the next one is like, nicest guy in the world. But when did this thing. And why can't I just be reborn? Because there was no competition. First off, children were not our future. Silver jumpsuits were our future. When I was a kid and talking into a watch where you could see the person or talking into a phone where you could see the person who ironically, was just looking at you, looking at them looking at you.

[Giovanni]

That's here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

The silver jumpsuits were still waiting on. But the phone and the wrist and all that stuff, that's here.

[Adam Carolla]

The biggest thing of the future was we're gonna look at you when the. Guess who's on the phone. Here's the guy. Overrated. We all have it. Nobody wants it unless someone's rubbing their dick against it. Nobody has the least bit interested. And no one ever raised their hand at the time that went like, look, my grandma in Philadelphia. How badly do I need to see the 72 year old with the hairnet on? Like, I'm listening to her. We're having a conversation.

[Giovanni]

I can do other things this way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So anyway, they love the shit out of these kids. Everyone loves the shit out of them. And I take it as a sign of respect, don't get me wrong. But it turned into a competition to see, like, who could be nicer to whose kids. When I was a kid, like I said, most of my friends dads were dicks.

[Giovanni]

Agreed.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was scared of them. And they liked it that way. Yes.

[Giovanni]

You didn't want to cross them. And they knew that you knew you didn't want to cross.

[Adam Carolla]

They sure as fuck didn't want me coming over and raiding the refrigerator, going into the garage, like borrowing tools and shit like that. If they would have opened the garage while I was going through their tools or something, I would have just floored it and pinned me to the back of the garage.

[Giovanni]

And then once you reach drinking age, like in high school, then there's a reason to be suspicious of you. Then it's 10 times worse.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that you reach drinking age in high school.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. At 16.

[Giovanni]

Realistically, when we all start drinking a lot, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And then whatever. If the kid's smoking pot, it gets blamed on the friend for somehow massaging the throat and pumping the lungs in and out. But either way. Jesus goddamn Christ. So the movie. The movie. Enjoyed it. You know, it was exactly as presented. There is a couple of problems I have when I watch these kind of movies. Spoiler alert. But the guy from the military has some ideas of what he can use the animals for.

[Giovanni]

Ben d' Onofrio is very aggressive about putting his ideas into motion.

[Gina Grad]

Vincent d', Onofrio, that's a kind of a wasted role.

[Giovanni]

No, he's fine. But it's kind of a whatever role.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, is when you're sitting around and you're sitting there and like the heavy, the bad guy, the sort of antagonist is going, you know, we train these velociraptors, right? And Instead of putting 3,000 men on the ground, we put eight of these babies. And by the way, yeah, drones are good, but you can't go through tunnels with drones. I'm actually the guy sitting there going, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. And then you see the. Look, these are animals, not your. Not your soldier. Fighting soldiers or whatever. And you're supposed to get all sanctimonious and agree with Chris Pratt's guy. But I'm like, yeah, velociraptor on the ground versus fuck up a lot of people, my nephew.

[Gina Grad]

Let me bend your ear for a second about my security crow idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I actually sit and watch these things, and half the time when they're explaining what the bad guy's plan is, I'm kind of going, makes sense. Well, we don't like isis, right? All right.

[Giovanni]

We're all on board with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Are all on board with that. We're all on board with too many 19 year olds coming home in pine boxes. Right? Right. The velociraptors we can make in the lab. And they're super fashion fast and vicious and they'll take coaching.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, nothing but teeth and crazy clause.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, all right, good. I'm with you this, but by the way, humanitarian of the year. I love your idea. We can save lots of young boys and not lots of young girls from dying out in the battlefield.

[Giovanni]

Right, Gary? Did I miss this or. I thought the idea was that they were too hard to control as well.

[Adam Carolla]

There's always the. There's always the. There's always. Every movie has the you're playing guy.

[Giovanni]

You're unleashing a force you can't control.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's gonna happen, Just like when they make the fighting robots or whatever it is, the humanoid whatever. Yes, yes, yes, yes. We always know that. But couple things. One, you've already cloned them from something that was in a mosquito shit. That's number one. We're already playing God because they're here. Chris is training them. So we already know we're past the God part now. We're already. We're at the part where we have people who are beheading camera crews and journalists and throwing ass in the face of girls that are reading and stoning people to death.

[Giovanni]

That was a weird subplot in Jurassic World, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we do. We do have drones that fire missiles into these things and sometimes hit churches and schools and shit in hospitals and shit. So I would say we're pretty far along.

[Giovanni]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. Yeah. I can invent a grenade and somebody could go, oh, yeah? Well, what if the grenade's on your belt and you're walking and it gets hooked on a tree branch and pulls the pin and blows you up and it's like. Right? And then there's also the chance I can pull it out, pull the pin and throw it at the bad guys.

[Giovanni]

That'll probably happen a few more times than the other tree branch scenario.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm with you. That the gun in the hands of the cop, probably good thing. Hands of the criminal, bad thing. You know what I mean? You kind of make this argument for automobiles. Everything. And velociraptors do, which is. Yeah, I think you train them up right, and you let them know who the enemy is. And. Well, cops have K9 units, right? These are prehistoric. Whatever. Or almost. These are very old wolves.

[Giovanni]

Oh, the German Shepherds or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually they started off as wolves or something, and then they got bred into German Shepherds and domesticated. Yeah, they ride in the back of cop cars, and when the guy opens the door and yells, go get him, Rex. Do any of us go, what if he turns on the officer?

[Giovanni]

I think I'm hearing a sequel here.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, Rex. I'm just saying, like, I always sit in the theater kind of agreeing with the guys playing the heavy, even though, you know he's the bad guy because. Something to do with war.

[Giovanni]

But that's a sign of a good movie. Sometimes when the bad guy makes a good point, he's like, it's not completely. He's not evil. He's just maybe misguided or a little too aggressive or.

[Adam Carolla]

I greedy agree with you, and I love a movie that sheds a little gray. But in this particular case, and I like the movie. Fun. Had fun with the kids. That's not what they were doing.

[Giovanni]

You're right. He was. He was supposed to be an antagonist. You know, it's a good Example of me like that thought of as a silly movie, but the villain is 100% sympathetic. And you can identify with them. Is the Rock with Ed Harris and the Rock where he's trying to get vengeance for his fallen. Blah, blah. He wasn't really planning on killing. It's like, okay, that makes sense. I totally identify with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Very good job of spilled the same blood in the same mud. That's right.

[Giovanni]

Michael Biehn.

[Gina Grad]

So both the kids stayed in their seats the entire time and watched it through slits in their fingers.

[Adam Carolla]

Sonny watched it through slits in his fingers. Natalia and a pillow. Natalia plugged her ears.

[Giovanni]

Ah, the sound design is pretty intense.

[Adam Carolla]

And I thought to myself, I find with my hypervigilance disorder, I find myself plugging my ears oftentimes and oftentimes being agitated by sounds.

[Giovanni]

You curse this poor child.

[Adam Carolla]

She may have the hypervigilance. She notices everything. You know, Sonny's fine. Just plops down. Literally sat down in a garage. I mean we had a qualifying race at 9 4. We had a practice race at 9:40 in the morning on Saturday and the qualifying race was 2:30 in the afternoon. He fucking sat on the floor and just looked at his laptop or whatever his Game Boy or whatever the fuck he's got for five hours. I mean he moved around a little. We got something to eat. But I mean he's just. He's there, he's good. It's not. He never asked when we were going home and it was a long hot afternoon. So. Yes. She plugged her ears and he covered his eyes. They both enjoyed it and good. Enjoyable, you know, nice movie. Just kind of what you. Everything you'd expect.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Worth your 12 bucks with something.

[Adam Carolla]

I must say that I like movies like that can have an ending that won't end. A fight sequence that doesn't end. It gets drawn out. Just when you think the thing's down, it pops up and you see its eye open again. They're walking back to the jeep and it's back on again. And then it's. At a certain point sometimes you go, oh, right. You know, like we get it. That fight ending. Fight scene was just enough.

[Giovanni]

There was a nice period at the end of that sentence.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

The way it ended.

[Adam Carolla]

The way it ended. But the fact that it just didn't keep going. Like I've seen things just keep going and going like we need a huge crescendo. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Did it have an obvious setup for the next one? Because there's gonna be another one. They made too much money.

[Adam Carolla]

I Would say not an obvious setup.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, not obvious.

[Gina Grad]

Not like the eye opening, like.

[Giovanni]

No, no, no. None of that. There's an obvious. An obvious, natural setup.

[Adam Carolla]

There is a door wide open.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. There is no cliffhanger.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's not like she's pregnant. It's a girl.

[Giovanni]

All right, if Natalia's bothered by irritating sounds, maybe that explains her catchphrase.

[Bald Brian]

Daddy, stop talking.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna play a little hobo power in a second. Arctic ease. First, there's something that don't stink. Arctic E's Runners, lifters, weekend warriors, injuries, fact of life, don't let it slow you down. Get the ice therapy, ice compression, the cold compression therapy, Arctic ease, instant cold rafts, cold therapy. Use it while you're active. Running, biking, lifting, whatever it is, Joints, muscles, all feels good. No freezer needed. I should have wrapped my whole body in this stuff the other day. Instant, long lasting cold compression therapy. Even while you're training, it stays in place. I don't know how it works. And you can reuse it and reuse it and reuse it. Just get it and just have it. How about that? And then when you need it, it'll be there.

[Gina Grad]

This might be a real game changer for you when you're in that car with the 18 layers on.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm getting. I'm gonna get a cool suit. I'm getting one of those vacuum pumps. The cold. Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

It's time.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the only one. I'm old and it's hot. Don't put your training on ice. It's reusable. It's Arctic e's Cold Wraps. Cvs. Visit arctic ease.com you know. Visit arctic ease.com all right, now challenge unfortunately, before we play hobo power.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I brought the very garment I was sweating through.

[Giovanni]

The answer is no.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

The answer is no for me.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Come on, buddy. Now listen to me. Now listen. Where's Max Apata? Get him on the mic. He's coming.

[Gina Grad]

I have PTSD already.

[Giovanni]

You have pre tsd?

[Adam Carolla]

Pre tsd.

[Giovanni]

Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I'm still patting myself on the back.

[Adam Carolla]

I will. That's nice. All right, I will tell you the journey first off, just so you can feel sorry for me. Just feel. You can. You can hold it in your hand and feel it.

[Gina Grad]

It's thick.

[Adam Carolla]

It's thick. This is the top of the long johns.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And a parka. The fire suit is thick and heavy and layered. I just threw up in my mouth. All right. This was not cleaned Since I wore it last in Laguna Seca. To the best of my knowledge, this was put on on Saturday about 9am and when I climbed out of the car about 10:15, 10:30, something, it was completely and utterly sopped, sopping wet, soaked through, no part dry. Wasn't a thing where, well, you could see. It wouldn't be a thing where you could see stains underneath my pits. The who would be one color which would be dark because, like, you just got out of the washer or something. Yes, completely wet. And I then took it, put on a hanger and I dried it and then I put it on again. At what time? Two. And I took it off about 2:30. Now, this time it was completely and utterly wet and may have had parts of my organs in it because the inside the cars it was Max pata. Hey, we better change the subject. Inside the car. 118 or 122.

[Giovanni]

122.

[Adam Carolla]

When you touch the metal stick shift knob. When I got out of the car, you couldn't.

[Gina Grad]

White hot.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I could barely hold his iPhone.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, when I picked it up, the phone itself was too hot. All right. That's how much sweating went on. Then it hung. Who else has got some storage? Then it hung overnight. On Saturday night, it stayed at the track and it hung and it dried. And then I got into the car at about 1:30 on Sunday and I once again drove in 100 plus degree and completely sweat. It was completely wet. And then I hung it out and I don't know if it dried or not, but it got packed up into the back into the duffel bag on Sunday night and driven back here to Los Angeles. And then an hour ago, I went to the other shop as it was being unpacked on the floor and picked it up and said, well, I guess we gotta wash this thing. All right. Hobo power.

[Gina Grad]

I will throw up. I ate baked Cheetos.

[Bald Brian]

I will throw up.

[Adam Carolla]

Hobo power. Now, listen, no pits, no ball sacks.

[Giovanni]

Well, those are bottoms.

[Adam Carolla]

These are the top. This is the top.

[Giovanni]

Oh, that's a jacket. Okay.

[Gina Grad]

This is like a mock turtleneck with a mock turtleneck.

[Adam Carolla]

I will let you smell where I sweat the most.

[Gina Grad]

Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the chest. My chest is sweaty right now. You can see the shirt I was doing. Catch a contractor, Gina.

[Giovanni]

Go for the sleeve because that would be where the sleep.

[Gina Grad]

No, he's not giving me an option.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the middle of the chest. Middle of the chest. Here we go.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, no, you gotta. No, I did it. I did it. I Did it.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd it smell like?

[Gina Grad]

It's. It smells like really old, musty dirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Did it smell bad?

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, all right, Brian, she preached on your point. Smell it again. You have an ounce. Smell it again. Smell it again. Is there any bo.

[Gina Grad]

No, it's not a bo smell. It's like a strong, pungent, sour dirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Pungent?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. You smell it. You tell me if you smell pungent.

[Giovanni]

It is as Gina described, but minus about 80%. There's a slight whiff of like.

[Adam Carolla]

Why has she described -80%?

[Giovanni]

No, sorry. The scent she described, not the strength of it. It is a light, almost rusty.

[Gina Grad]

Like a slight sneak out with it then. Brian. It's terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

This is pungent.

[Giovanni]

I don't find it terrible.

[Gina Grad]

It's like a really. It's like a really.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. You better watch out. Brian's sort of agreeing with me.

[Gina Grad]

Fine. Great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I'm much more towards your side. Yeah, I'm not a sensitive, obviously.

[Gina Grad]

Ever since my deviated septum surgery, I have a much stronger sense of smell.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew she was a Jew.

[Giovanni]

This is what did it. This is what sold it.

[Adam Carolla]

Both of them.

[Giovanni]

You know what? I think you're right.

[Gina Grad]

No, I don't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're not supposed to like it. There's no way you can like this. It's been in a duffel bag for a year and then sweated through three times.

[Gina Grad]

But doesn't it smell like sour dirt?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it smells. It smells like a rag that was left in a garage and musty. But it doesn't smell pungent.

[Giovanni]

A little more salty to me, a little more sweat, but I already know twice. Is it not enough that I'm agreeing with you?

[Adam Carolla]

Are you agreeing?

[Giovanni]

I'm. What I'm saying is if you're trying to make the case that you smell.

[Adam Carolla]

Like an old sweater sweat, it smells like.

[Giovanni]

If you're trying to make the case, you produce no scent. I'm not on board. I'm saying that's remarkable. That was sweated through twice and.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it was sweated through three times.

[Giovanni]

Okay? That's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Even more remarkable. And sweated through three times before.

[Gina Grad]

It does not smell like body odor, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, no, look, what my. My point, okay. What I'm saying is, is if this was a rag, if this was a garment.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If this was a garment, like a sweater that was just left in a duffel bag and pulled back and forth in a trailer and brought to a track and back and forth and stuff, it Would have the same sort of left out smell. There's no. There's no BO If I agree with.

[Giovanni]

You, can this be over? You bet.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to take one more step. Oh, fuck. Is there any BO in there?

[Giovanni]

No. No. No BO at all.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Gina Grad]

Boy, we all agree it's no BO.

[Adam Carolla]

You said pungent.

[Gina Grad]

It's like a pungent sour dirt. Please don't put that in my face again.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, please, you're no, you're hypochondriac. You need to smell it again. I'm trying to help you like I'm gonna help Natalia.

[Gina Grad]

Don't you remember? I threw up last time.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not. You know. No, you know you did. Gina.

[Giovanni]

Gina, you can write off your counseling sessions now. Your therapist.

[Adam Carolla]

You set yourself up emotionally. You were too close.

[Gina Grad]

Do you have any coffee beans to.

[Giovanni]

Cleanse your stupid radio instincts?

[Adam Carolla]

Close your preconceived notions, open your mind and tell me if there's any pungency in there. I'll give you a little dank.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, can we settle on dank?

[Adam Carolla]

But no, there's no BO.

[Gina Grad]

Correct. You know what? It's like.

[Adam Carolla]

There's not any human being in here.

[Bald Brian]

You're right.

[Gina Grad]

You're right. It's like if it was left up in an old attic that sometimes gets reined in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that. No human. There's no trace of the human element in it.

[Giovanni]

No. No BO at all. Like I said, more of a. For me. Kind of a. Rusty kind of.

[Gina Grad]

Does it have like a. Is it one of those micro. Microbial silver infused thread? Because I know that's a thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Here.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, rub it all over yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I made Max sniff it before we got.

[Giovanni]

I know. Twitter knows too.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, shall we do a little. You know what? Hold on. First off, very quickly, Simply Safe Smart home security. No aggressive sales guys, no hardwired systems, no long term lock in contracts. Easy. Dawson's got it. Dawson's smart because. Love it. 20 minutes to set up, a little more time to take down. Well, you're moving, but I'm moving. Yeah, yeah, set it up. Take it down. I love that idea. You take it with you. Round the clock protection. Just 15 bucks. No long term contracts and you get the same protection as our own. Dawson over here. Simply safe Adam.com. simpliSafe Adam, you get 10% off@simplisafe Adam.com. go online, set up your system, figure out what you need, and then it'll show up at your door a few days later and you Stick the whole thing up yourself. You don't need any weird tech dude running around. All right. Do we have. Oh, opening. Yeah, sorry. It's time for hobo power. Adam's unit of stink measurement. You give us your stink story and we'll rank the funk. All right. Some guy works in a prison and a psychiatric unit.

[Giovanni]

So far, so good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. I'm going to start with that one. Now remember, 100 is theoretical.

[Giovanni]

Theoretical.

[Gina Grad]

Never been smelled.

[Adam Carolla]

It may have been, but the person didn't live to tell the tale. So we don't know. 50 is a cat that was fed nothing but blue cheese for two weeks, defecating on a white hot hibachi in the plume that would come off of that.

[Giovanni]

And vomiting must be induced.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

In order to reach 50.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Bob.

[Caller (Bob)]

Adam, how are you?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? From Massachusetts. What's happening?

[Caller (Bob)]

Well, just hanging out, enjoying the day. I do have a good story for you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Caller (Bob)]

Working. You know, we. We have a little psychiatric unit in the prison. Little. But you know, the regular prison doors, cells. And this inmate, you could observe him so, you know, through a window, and he was standing buck naked and shit into his hand and proceeded to rub it all over himself. He was saving it up in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Sink, so just completely saving the sink.

[Giovanni]

Maybe it was hot.

[Caller (Bob)]

Yeah. So, you know, that combined with the urine smell Amongst the other 30 inmates in there and whatever they were doing, I mean, the smell never go quite dissipates, but this just added to the.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I need your home number for the next time Lynette catches me pissing in the sink and is disgusted. I'll explain to her that there are such things as the. They're the criminally insane. Sweetheart, you could easily be married to one who not only defecate in the sink, but collect said defecation. Sure. In the sink.

[Caller (Bob)]

Collected it. Covered himself from head to toe. And there's an observation window that you can look through. You know, bulletproof type.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Caller (Bob)]

This guy proceeded to take this turn and he said it to draw on the glass for our benefit. If you remember Bob Ross, the painter.

[Adam Carolla]

Happy clouds. Yeah.

[Caller (Bob)]

Just like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just like Bob Ross.

[Caller (Bob)]

Buffy clouds. I mean, just covering the whole glass and, you know, basically the. The door is got to be 3 inches thick. Steel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

There are rain clouds.

[Caller (Bob)]

No, no bars.

[Adam Carolla]

Brown. Yeah. Black. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Dark.

[Caller (Bob)]

Stuck to the. Stuck to my clothes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. Hold on a second, Bob. Couple things. Remember when being crazy meant he thinks he's Napoleon? Yeah.

[Giovanni]

The butterfly Net and all the wonderful. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Crazy was so much simpler back in the day.

[Giovanni]

Having a lot of cats.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But there was like a. Oh boy, he's only. He's talking to himself.

[Gina Grad]

He's going to the booby patch, he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Got an imaginary friend rabbit that falls. Yeah. Now it's all fecal matter and shooting up churches and schools, you know what I mean? Like crazy used to be almost quaint. Now here's the other thing too. When you leave a guy in solitary, I know you don't want him to kill themselves, but by the way, worse things could happen than one more guy off the fucking payroll inside the joint, you know?

[Giovanni]

Number one, you look at them as on the payroll.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you get to that point, it's costing 50, 60 grand a year. Get them off, number one. Number two, I feel like if you leave somebody alone in a room that's locked up with 3 foot thick walls and you leave them oil paints, they shall paint with oil. And if you leave them water paints, they shall paint with water and acrylics. And if you give them a piece of chalk, they shall start drawing things with chalk. But if you want to remove everything, eventually quill up the ass. I would start eventually, at some point making shit portraits after being locked al this room.

[Giovanni]

Express yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

I do, yeah. I am an artist. So I'm saying this is like. I bet you if you gave him a couple of sharpies, the fecal expression would go down like 41%. I'm not saying it would get rid of it.

[Giovanni]

Get the freaking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Am I the first guy to think of this?

[Caller (Bob)]

No, honestly, I think they'd probably either jam it up there up their ass or they'd eat it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's why you put it on a string. Okay.

[Gina Grad]

That non toxic stuff you give the.

[Adam Carolla]

Kids, did you have to go in there and clean it up then?

[Caller (Bob)]

No, no, no, no, no. They actually, believe it or not, they have inmates that do it.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Caller (Bob)]

They get paid a dollar an hour and they come down with a special cart and clean it all up.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? If I ran a prison and now if I was the architect of a prison and we had the hole for the criminally insane, that thing would be self flushing. It would have a big drain in the middle like a monkey cage. It does, yes. The floor would be sloped and raked towards said drainage. And the ceiling would have a bunch of basically fire sprinklers. And it's like all I gotta do is fuckin pull the lever and boom.

[Giovanni]

Like a Self cleaning oven right now.

[Caller (Bob)]

Great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Well look, you're a couple of pieces of sweated copper or some ABS or let's make it PVC ABS for drainage and a few sprinkler heads away from accomplishing this goal.

[Gina Grad]

Can I ask Bob?

[Caller (Bob)]

A lot of times they, a lot of times they'll pull them off the ceiling, they'll find a way. It's not quite high enough so that they can't get at it, but they're very resourceful.

[Adam Carolla]

You go with a 10 foot ceiling and I know a lot of the folks you lock up have a pretty good vertical leap.

[Caller (Bob)]

Good. Yes they do.

[Adam Carolla]

Asians and Jews, you can lower the ceiling a little bit, but I'd put a nice high ceiling. I know you don't have that chance right now, but I'd put a nice 1112 foot ceiling on there and just put high pressure and just go, look, you can shit yourself all you want. We're just pulling the lever and you're just gonna get wet. That's how it's gonna go.

[Caller (Bob)]

What a great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks Rob.

[Caller (Bob)]

Of course would be, that would be some form of abuse that would be.

[Giovanni]

Considered like waterboarding, like forcing someone to smell your sweat soaked racing beer, long johns.

[Gina Grad]

Bob, can I ask you something?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Gina Grad]

Two quick questions. First of all, how long have you. How long has this been your job?

[Caller (Bob)]

14 years.

[Gina Grad]

And do you remember your first day and were you terrified? Because I assume you're used to it by now.

[Caller (Bob)]

Probably a little, a little bit. But before that I worked in a psychiatric hospital that was just as, you know, you're fine. Except they could all run around and you couldn't lock them up first day. I guess it was a little tough.

[Adam Carolla]

What percentage?

[Caller (Bob)]

Used to it?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What percentage of the inmates? If you are warden Bob or governor Bob or Merlin Bob. And you could just point your finger at that guy and go, he's out, he's out. He doesn't need to be here. That guy got caught with a sack pillowcase of weed. He's not doing anything. What percentage, maybe not ones you personally like, but just who don't really need to be there are currently in your prison because we hear this all. Hey man, all these. We're sort of led to believe that all the prisoners filled with a bunch of people and I don't like people who aren't dangerous. Being incarcerated are not a danger to me. But what percentage would that be off the top of your head?

[Caller (Bob)]

20%.

[Gina Grad]

20%, that's a decent number.

[Caller (Bob)]

A lot of nonsense and weed Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I get you. I mean, I'm on both sides of this issue. Like 20%. Good. That still means 80% it's not. Hey, none of these guys belong here.

[Gina Grad]

Open the gates.

[Adam Carolla]

80% of them.

[Giovanni]

The vast majority do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yes, the majority of them do, but about 20% don't.

[Caller (Bob)]

Ample supply of pedophiles.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Gina Grad]

Chomos?

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Now gotta parole these guys. Laguna Seca's coming up. And let Sonny go to the bathroom.

[Giovanni]

Don't do that. Okay, so what number are given by.

[Caller (Bob)]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Bob, this is one that's very.

[Giovanni]

Visual, but enclosed space.

[Gina Grad]

If he could smell it through three inches of steel. That's something. That's something.

[Adam Carolla]

How long did he save up in the sink, you reckon?

[Caller (Bob)]

A couple days. And of course, it's prison food. It's really not that good.

[Giovanni]

Even a couple hours?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I just mean how many movements?

[Caller (Bob)]

I always compare his artwork to Bob Ross.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice fluffy cloud. You remember old Bob Ross?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, he'll be missed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller (Bob)]

Brutal.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna give it a. I'm gonna. I would only give it like a 21, mainly, but considering the super depressing conditions you're in, you know, if this happened in a bouncy castle or a Chuck E. Cheese, I'd deduct a few.

[Giovanni]

I was predicting about 25.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right.

[Caller (Bob)]

I had to go home and strip down out of my uniform, stand in my underwear in the winter, and walk in my house.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Caller (Bob)]

I couldn't come in there with a toilet. And, you know, at the time, the kids were younger, and the first thing they want to do is come greet you at the door and say, hello, hey. Throw their arms around you and no, don't touch me.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, speaking of pedophiles, that'd be a good story. Now he's in the hole. Yeah.

[Caller (Bob)]

Oh, bummer.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Bob. Thank you. 25. Nothing wrong with 25. He was saying something. Bob, you okay? You good?

[Caller (Bob)]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you there? All right.

[Caller (Bob)]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

How you doing? God's work, man.

[Caller (Bob)]

Thanks, buddy. Appreciate it. Love the podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Love you.

[Giovanni]

Fix all those people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Please fix everybody. All right, let's see.

[Giovanni]

Line five is bizarre. And I think I might get you into vomit.

[Adam Carolla]

Vet. Stuck a needle. Okay. All right. We used to play this at, like, 6:15 in the morning.

[Giovanni]

Jack Silver, not a huge fan of the bet.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Blake.

[Caller (Blake)]

Hey, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

34, Wisconsin. What's going on?

[Caller (Blake)]

Yeah, hey, real quick, as far as your kid with the pedophiles at the racetrack, do you race? As any formula V drivers because. Because you got to watch those guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Formula V, Formula Atlantic, Formula Ford. You got to watch those guys.

[Caller (Blake)]

It's the V guys. They haven't changed their pants since the 70s.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the open wheel guys.

[Gina Grad]

Are they a surly lot?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller (Blake)]

I'm juggling with the raccoon. I ran over with my race trailer and dry heaved on all the way back. But I really think the cat is where it's at. And a pet cat, he got out. He was out for about a week and he came back and he was limping a little bit. And he limped for like two or three days. And finally we sucked it up and took him to the vet. And she looked at him and went, I think he's got cancer. Let's cut his arm off. And I was like, well, he was out in the wild and I told you that. And then he came back and he was limping. So I think it's broken. So she x rayed it and it wasn't broken. She's like, yeah, I think we have to amputate his leg. I think he's got cancer. And I kind of poked at him and he had this like bubble in his chest. And I said, what do you think this is? And she's like, well, I don't know. I said, I think he got bit. I think something outside bit him and I think he's got pus in there. And she goes, well, I got a big needle in the other room. We could poke it.

[Gina Grad]

Is she a real veterinarian? So far.

[Giovanni]

I would go to somewhere else, check this out.

[Caller (Blake)]

I shouldn't really say this. Her last name is Menace. Dr. Menace decided to put. Go get a needle and poke my cat. She's really a wonderful vet.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, at least she made it. I swear to God. The percentage of young girls who between the age of 4 and 11 announce they shall work with animals and they shall fix animals, and they shall be an animal doctor, and they'll be a veterinarian as soon as they learn that word. As the word of the doctor for animals in the high 90s.

[Giovanni]

Higher percentage. Those girls are boys who think they're gonna be an athlete.

[Gina Grad]

Same. Oh, where's Travis?

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, this is tough. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think. Here's what I think. And maybe I'm being unfair to the girls. I fantasized about playing professional football, but I didn't think I was gonna play it. I sort of fantasized about it. Like, Sonny loves bas. It loves. It loves Basketball, basketball, basketball. But Even at age 9, he realizes he is not nearly the best guy on the court and not even in the top 50% and says to me things like, well, I would love to play basketball, but if that doesn't work out, he'll inherit a podcast, gay porn bottom. You know, things like that. No, but I mean, he kind of. He's looking at LeBron James and then looking at his skinny ass and kind of going, he's probably better. Well, what I'm saying is, is he's watching LeBron James back guys in and just fucking throw shoulder into their sternum and then dunk on him. Like, he doesn't go, I'm going to take on LeBron. Like, he kind of gets it right. I. And as a young boy, I had that thing that I wanted to play football, but it's like I kind of got that I may not be a big dude or whatever. Whatever it is. So you're right. It's. It's probably the same percentage of men that fantasize about it. But I'm talking about. Make the proclamation right. This is what I will be doing versus actual doing it.

[Giovanni]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. So at least you found a lesbian. I mean, a gal who. Oh, no, no.

[Caller (Blake)]

She owns her own business, she's married. Her husband races, airplanes. She's very successful. Yeah, very interesting. Yeah, not bad on the eyes either.

[Giovanni]

Okay, Gary, can you call Dr. Mendes from Wisconsin?

[Gina Grad]

You know what though? Can I just say her name?

[Caller (Blake)]

She's a nice lady.

[Gina Grad]

Blake, Can I just say what it sounds like? Just from the very limited information you gave us, it sounds like that episode of 30 Rock where really, really good looking people live in the bubble and someone told her, yeah, you can be a vet, let's just amputate it. I don't know. I got a needle. Like, nobody told her that might not be a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

So where's the hobo power come in?

[Caller (Blake)]

All right, so she called her assistant and who's a burly young lady, and the two of us held down a nine pound cat while she poked and extracted a thick, viscous green and brown fluid. And once she got a good hole started, we sort of squeezed it like you would with a zit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's.

[Caller (Blake)]

The basket in his chest was about half the size of a softball. We got probably a pint or two of fluid.

[Giovanni]

A pint.

[Caller (Blake)]

It was so much fluid, green and yellow.

[Adam Carolla]

What it smell like?

[Caller (Blake)]

Like death. Like being around a deer being gutted. It's. It smelled like any and then so we Brought him home to heal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Caller (Blake)]

He lived in the basement for like a week. And the basement still smells his cats. That was five years ago. And the basement still has a smell.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, like, this is. This is good stuff. But the cat only weighs nine or ten pounds.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. The cat has less than two pints of blood in its entire body.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So, you know, and I get it. That weird funky stuff that comes out. I get it, it's bad.

[Gina Grad]

But when something's infected, that can go south real quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody yacked and it didn't squirt on anybody or anything like that.

[Giovanni]

You're in the vet's office.

[Gina Grad]

He dry heaved in the room, for whatever that's worth to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Dry heaved dry heaven. He hadn't even. I'll give him 17 and a half.

[Giovanni]

That's a generous score.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in a good mood now. You're benevolent. You know why I'm in a good mood? By the way, winning the racing Life of Paul Newman opened in Toronto.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah, the one. The screening.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And they're holding it over.

[Bald Brian]

Sweet.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Which more shows just added. I don't know where that is exactly.

[Giovanni]

Cineplex.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Cineplex in Toronto. Which is nice. Yeah. Well, it is definitely one of those. The United States is a theater going crowd like no other. And for movies like this documentary, better abroad. But God bless you Canucks, you guys are geniuses. You know, I was planning on a sort of one and done thing where it was like, all right, we'll play it there for a week and then it'll go away. Because a week will be enough for the people who want to see it, to see it. But all these things are very based on. And it's. It's why I love this part of life. It's, as I've always say, it's my second date theory. You can, you know, a movie will start off in three and it'll expand to 3,000 if it's going well. If the per screen average is up and climbing and getting better, and the second the weeks start dropping off, well, then the screens will start reeling it in. And it's pure business. There's no charity, there's no government supplements. There's nothing. It's just, hey, if we're a Canadian movie theater and we kept this movie in it for a week and we made some money, then we'll keep it for another week. It's not anything where like, well, I'm a big Adam Carolla fan and nobody showed up the last four days or I Personally, like the movie, you could hate the movie. You could hate me. You could hate everyone who came in and bought a ticket. But as long as people came in and bought tickets and popcorn, you will keep it on for another week.

[Giovanni]

Nice. If it's making your theater money versus if it's costing your theater money.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's the ultimate. See, to me, the weird parts is personally, I don't need a card from the theater owner. I don't need a thank you or floral arrangement. I don't need anything other than Mike August cold and said, oh, the theater in Toronto, they're keeping, they're gonna do another week. That's, that's the greatest. I don't even need a thank you or a nice job or I don't need all that stuff. Superfluous. That's, that's. I don't need any of that stuff. I just need the information. That's the second date. She's going on a second date. It's not she thinks you're cute or she thinks you're nice or she had a great sense of humor or like, I don't need any of it. Second date or not second date, second date. That's it. That's that way with every part of life. So thank you guys and there it is for you, my Canadian friends.

[Giovanni]

Toronto live show coming up maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that would be fun. All right, let's see. We got one more call to get to. We'll get to the news. I will tell you guys about someone who is passionate. Mazda is passionate. I am about making these movies, man. They love driving over there. And in a world with cars that park themselves and drive themselves and smart cars and all that crap. Mazda ain't down with that. They are passionate. They got Skyactiv technology. Lightweight yet stronger body, more efficient transmissions, cutting edge engine design. First auto manufacturer to use the ultra high tensile strength steel to produce a vehicle better miles per gallon because it's lighter, more responsive because it's stiffer, stronger, more agile, better performance. These guys are like all driving. I mean, everyone else seems to be about luxury and about, I don't know, they're talking about safety, luxury, fuel economy, whatever it is. That's what everyone's talking about. Mazda does all that, but then they talk about driving.

[Gina Grad]

Can I tell you, I have a Mazda. I've had a Mazda for five years and it is the greatest car I've ever owned. It's actually the first car I've ever purchased. And I was so relieved that I chose this car because it has been phenomenal. It handles great, it's comfortable, it feels high tech. And I've had it since the end of 2010. I love that car.

[Adam Carolla]

I am trying to get them to let me drive around the new Miata because nobody makes a stick anymore. Car's just phased out the stick shift. And I realize I'm not used to driving a stick when I get in these race cars after sometimes after a year, I'm not push the clutch in and I'm gonna try to go and practice a little that heel toe. Anyway, Mazda, man, because driving matters. All right, let's do one more and then we'll get some news. Gina Grand.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit. Bollywood. Yeah. Remind me. Pat45, Oregon Adam, what's going on, man?

[Caller (Pat)]

Love you.

[Adam Carolla]

Love you, man. Thanks for listening, Gina.

[Caller (Pat)]

Thank you for being there.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, thank you.

[Caller (Pat)]

Bob Ryan. You like roller coasters, motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Caller (Pat)]

That's not the one I wanted to hear, but that's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Why.

[Caller (Pat)]

Never. First off, Bob's a giant pussy. You know what you want to smell? Concentrated pee going to any truck stop. 90% of them just pull in there just to step out of their truck, pee, and then leave. And they never clean the parking lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they just piss in the parking.

[Caller (Pat)]

Lot pretty much like just right outside of their truck. Literally. You can pull in any truck stop and you'll see two guys that are just standing on the side.

[Adam Carolla]

Sonny, get in the car. Go on. To see how the other half lives. Father Sunday, boy trucker. Let me tell you something. Trucker went from just truck driver. Just went from job. Like when you'd watch a movie from the 50s or the 60s or even like a Twilight Zone or something, and a guy was a trucker and he pulled off the road, hey, he's a truck driver. He's just a guy and he drives a truck. Sometimes he wears a hat. It's a little bit different. It's always dude drives a truck. Then it turned into like folk hero, you know, a bunch of guys. Jan Michael Vincent and White Line Fever. A bunch of convoy movies.

[Giovanni]

The romantic notion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everyone look like Kris Kristofferson. There's songs about CBs and truck driving and there's open road and rambling. And then it turned into like fat whore, fucking shitty eating pedophile piece of shit. Like, what? What job has had this kind of range? Like there was a good stretch where.

[Giovanni]

Truck driver was the villain in the movie. Like, there was no hero truck driver. It was 10 or 12 years where it was bad guy.

[Adam Carolla]

We've been all over the fucking road. Pardon the pun, but I mean, it's not like podiatrist has had this kind of arc, you know what I mean? Like, it's just podiat. Podiatrist. Architect, Architect. You know, evil architect, Good architect, just architect. Just job. You know what I mean? Even like, you know, fireman's pretty much flatlined for, you know, the last 50 years in terms of Hollywood. Truck driver is just gone to fucking everywhere and everything in between. All right? And then you get the chicks going and you got a whole new strap, you know. Yeah, sorry, go ahead. Sorry, Pat, but go ahead.

[Caller (Pat)]

Where were I? Sorry. Anyway, so I just wanted to point out that Bob was a giant pussy too, because. Well, you know, so they didn't want to get the high pressure showers in prisons. I mean, you know, they have self cleaning loos in Europe, so why not just combine that? Instead of taking the prisoners out of their cells, why not just throw the soap underneath the door and just turn the water on? Those guys have to take no end.

[Adam Carolla]

To the information that you have. Listen, you're. You're acting like, like the guy who had fecal matter all over his face. Like Al Jolson woke up and went, oh my God, there's fecal matter on my face. He applied it himself like Noxzema. You understand?

[Caller (Pat)]

Okay, you got two minutes. Okay, we're gonna clean your cell. You got two minutes of shower. Then we don't have to take you out anyway.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of, you got two minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, Pat, you are in grave danger. And all of you who wanna hop from topic to topic, getting me launched on a tangent, which return. So you do it at your own peril.

[Caller (Pat)]

All right, all right, here we go. So I used to fish Alaska when I was like 18, 19 years old. I did a long line in for cod on boats. It's 180 foot boat. We, we dock in the Ballard Locks up in Seattle. We'd steam out of there in September to go up to Alaska. We'd spend about seven months up there. We'd come back in March.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Caller (Pat)]

So we're steaming back down in about February. One of the guys we. Long line for cod. Cod averages anywhere from 10 to 50 pounds. One of the guys coming back down.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I was gonna say quiet. Seven months in Alaska fishing. So you probably, probably saw a lot of good men beat off.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Caller (Pat)]

Well, you, you only have a bunk that's about 8ft long and 3ft wide. You didn't see it because you know the ocean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, so somebody took one of those. How many pound cods? And did what with it?

[Caller (Pat)]

Somebody took about two 20 pound cods. And they thought it'd be funny when we were steaming back down to throw them into one of the guys sock drawers.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Caller (Pat)]

Most of the time they call them home packages because you're going home, Right. And you know, it'd be funny that your sock would smell really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Caller (Pat)]

Well, the guy never got his socks right. So we went ahead and docked in Ballard. We go back up there around February or March to get the boat ready again. 180 foot boat. We stand about 40ft in the water, about 60ft above the water. Our bunks are about 20ft above the water. Four months of two 20 pound cods sitting in a drawer in 80 to 85 degree heat, just decaying.

[Adam Carolla]

How far gone? Well, you could smell it when you got on the boat, right?

[Caller (Pat)]

Oh, literally when we went up the. We went up Jacob's ladder, we got on. You go in through the galley, and from the galley you had to go down another ladder to get down into where the bunks were. And before you even got to the ladder to go up into the bunks, it was like, what's that smell?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Any gals on the ship? Because that could be an uncomfortable exchange.

[Caller (Pat)]

Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, the ship was swimming with pussy.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, we need to talk.

[Caller (Pat)]

The only pussy you had on the ship was your hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Understood?

[Caller (Pat)]

No chick's stupid enough to get on that boat. Are you kidding me?

[Bald Brian]

You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this. Everyone's naming their dick. You should name your hand. Yeah, I mean, really think about it. Why do you need to name your dick?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why Personify that name your jackhand.

[Giovanni]

I start a relationship with that.

[Gina Grad]

All right, quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Tina.

[Gina Grad]

Without thinking, huh?

[Giovanni]

Gina.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, God damn it.

[Giovanni]

All right, She's a mouthy. Never mind, never mind, never mind.

[Adam Carolla]

This could go on for a while, Pat. I'm gonna give. All right, I gotta get back to.

[Caller (Pat)]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, listen. Did you open the drawer yourself?

[Caller (Pat)]

Actually, yes, I did, because nobody else wanted to go down.

[Adam Carolla]

What did you see when you opened the drawer?

[Caller (Pat)]

What did I see?

[Adam Carolla]

Did you see anything?

[Caller (Pat)]

I saw bones and liquid.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Caller (Pat)]

I literally like the eyes, you know, like a cod. But no, the only the ice and the. The head and then the rest of it was kind of dripping down the back of the door.

[Giovanni]

I. Soup.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you throw up? Twice. Twice. All right, if he threw up twice, I'm gonna give him a 26 and call him the winner.

[Giovanni]

Give him two more points that monocle laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

I will. Any guy that's been on a. Been out, shipped out. Yeah, they're just steamed out. Steamed out for seven months. That is a certain breed of cat. All right, let's bring it home. Hobo power. Smell you later. All right. Oh, yeah. Baldiwood. Yeah, man. So you saw the new Pixar film?

[Giovanni]

I did Inside Out.

[Adam Carolla]

It's getting great marks on at least rotten tomatoes.

[Gina Grad]

98, I think.

[Giovanni]

98. Last I checked.

[Adam Carolla]

Pixar's always, to me, the most consistent, I think. I wasn't a big fan of Cars 2 or something like that, but other than that. I mean, you want to talk about someone who's cranking out production that is solid as Sears. That is Pixar. Yeah, let's. Let's do it.

[Giovanni]

Okay, let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooray for Baldiwood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix Q. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of Transformers to hooray for Bounty War. First Pixar movie to not open at number one, by the way. So I heard. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Although I think it broke a box office record for original movie opening or non sequel or something along those lines. It did really well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know. Yeah. Pretty good run. Not number two once out of all the movies.

[Giovanni]

I think they'll take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Okay. Inside out is directed by Pete Docter. He did Up. He did Monsters Inc. He also wrote the stories for Wall E and Toy Story. So a Pixar guy, you know, he's in the family, he's in a lot of these movies. Last we talked, you had not seen Wall E. Have you seen Wall E since?

[Adam Carolla]

I went through a stretch where these movies would be on constant loop in my kid's room and I would come in and sit down sort of with the nanny and it was my whole cockroach story. Wally had a cucaracha.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, yeah. The joke is, is I find said to my Spanish speaking nanny that song La Cucaracha, because she was teaching my kids cockroach cucaracha. I said, yeah. I said that song was played on every job site and every lunch truck and roach coach, pardon the pun, back in the day when a lunch truck was a lunch truck.

[Giovanni]

That's why they call them roach coaches, right? Because la cucaracha, I assume.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't.

[Giovanni]

I always assume. That's why they called them roach coaches.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you may be right. Yeah. I never even thought about that. I just thought, first off, construction guys aren't that clever. Number two, when they pick.

[Giovanni]

There was a young Adam Carollo somewhere who made the joke. They realized he was too clever, and they kicked off.

[Adam Carolla]

They didn't have a lot of young Will Rogers on the job site. Just most budding racists, you know, and Mexicans themselves. And the point is, is that's the song they play. And so I finally said to Olga, this is, you know, when the kids are two and a half. I said, the song. Da da da da da da da Been growing up with that song heard on every job site. That means it's lunchtime. What does that song mean? What is the song? And she's like, like, see, I'm gonna, like, do the math, back it out with the math, reverse engineer it in Spanish. So. Song. It's a cockroach and he had his leg removed. And he was buried on a hill with a mouse and a buzzard. And I was like, oh, great, now I'm starving. I'm starving. I am fucking starving now. And I thought, the fuck is you playing a fucking song about the buzzer and the mouse and the cockroach with the leg torn off? They're buried on a hill. And she's like, yeah. And I said, why? And she's like. And this could be the problem with a lot of Latin countries. I don't know.

[Giovanni]

Not words of examination, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And then I thought, maybe it's one of those things like Smuckers, you know, the name this bad. You gotta be good.

[Giovanni]

Like the song about cockroaches, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

You know. You know how secure you have to be as a place that serves food to have your theme song to be cockroach based. Theme song.

[Gina Grad]

Dead cockroach based.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So I kept seeing bits and pieces of Wall E, but I never saw it, like, stem to stern.

[Giovanni]

You. You love good movies and you love Pixar on top. Have you seen Wall E?

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Giovanni]

Oh, you guys.

[Gina Grad]

About a robot with a cockroach of show tunes.

[Adam Carolla]

It is true.

[Giovanni]

The first half will restore your faith in movie making. It is no words, no dialogue. It's just Wall E alone on a junk planet.

[Gina Grad]

Is it very. It sounds very sad.

[Giovanni]

It's not sad, actually. That's. It's a very.

[Adam Carolla]

We just rewatched Cars the other day because the kids hadn't seen it. Paul Newman, Doc Hudson in the Newman Doc and all that kind of stuff. And just. It's all great, but I'll watch welly.

[Giovanni]

Please get put on your list. Inside out is starring voices Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith from the Office, Bill Hader, Mindy Kaling, Lewis Black. They are sort of anthropomorphized versions of a little girl's emotions. They are joy, sadness, fear, disgust and anger. So the emotions that live inside her head, they're little characters, the characters in the movie. And it's about 11 year old Riley. She's living an idyllic childhood in Minnesota. She plays hockey, she loves her family. Then her first childhood trauma. The family picks up and moves to San Francisco. And she's a fish out of water. You know, she grew up in the frozen north playing hockey with all of her friends. And here she is having to. There's a lot of jokes that I appreciated as one who grew up in the Bay Area, but anyone from that area will like, you know, they move from a big house to a little tiny, you know, house. San Francisco. Yeah, exactly. And there's these. Oh, this is supposed to be big. And there's a lot of jokes at San Francisco's expense. Here's one that made me think of it earlier. You talked about pizza. Here's one where Joy, the main character, that's Amy Poehler, she represents all the happiness and all the hopefulness. Here she is suggesting a happy activity to cheer everybody up.

[Gina Grad]

You know what I realized? Riley hasn't had lunch.

[Giovanni]

Remember, I see a pizza place. They passed earlier.

[Bald Brian]

Hey, I saw a pizza place down.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe we could try that.

[Gina Grad]

Pizza sounds delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Pizza. Pizza. Yes, pizza.

[Giovanni]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

What the heck is that?

[Gina Grad]

Broccoli on pizza.

[Bald Brian]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm done. Congratulations, San Francisco, you've ruined pizza. First the Hawaiians and now you.

[Giovanni]

So they have a lot of fun with the San Francisco tropes and the cliches. And it is pretty funny. Similarities to. Remember the show Herman's Head?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, everyone's talking about that. I can't stop thinking about that.

[Giovanni]

Everyone's talking about just like Herman's head.

[Adam Carolla]

Dr. Spaz. As kids like broccoli on pizza.

[Giovanni]

Of course, they probably like that scene. Remember Herman Ted?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the show where they didn't watch a lot of it. But I do know show. Yes.

[Giovanni]

It kind of goes. This whole idea goes back to all the way to the angel and the devil.

[Gina Grad]

Animal House was the first one to use that.

[Giovanni]

The Greek chorus, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Or not even the. Yeah, I mean they've been used since time Immortal.

[Giovanni]

So the idea is very. It's There what they do with this, you got to see a quick glimpse of it. When she. She literally pulled the character we just watched. Pulls a memory. It's a little cue or a little sphere. She pulls it off the rack and like puts it up there for the girl to remember. It's. I don't want to ruin any of the surprises, but there is so much inventiveness and it's wildly imaginative and so inventive. I was like a little kid again being taken away of all these like, oh, and they did like long term memory has sort of a fun explanation and deja vu and things along those lines. 189 positive reviews, 4 negative reviews. Reviews. Now my question is, I'm starting to think that people who give the negative reviews to movies like this, they're doing it to get attention. They're doing it so people notice because you can click on, you know, show me the rotten reviews and they'll show you the four people. And it's like they know what they're doing, right? Like they. You can't. This movie is unassailable. It is beautiful. It's a wonderful movie.

[Gina Grad]

Let me ask you about the actual animation itself because I heard a scathing review yesterday on the radio. And one thing. Yes, yes. He was the dissenting voice. He said everyone loves it. Everybody, you know, everybody's wrong. And he said one thing he hated about it was the actual animation itself. Felt like you were looking at it through a candy coated stomach. And he hated the animation.

[Giovanni]

Adam, does that make any sense to you?

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds poetic, but I don't know what it means since no one has ever viewed anything for the candy coated coat.

[Giovanni]

He could have wrote better on his laptop than it did coming out of his mouth.

[Gina Grad]

So. So you like the animation.

[Giovanni]

You were here nor there. That's a shit. It's an. Does Snow White look like. Like cutting edge animation? Absolutely not.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no. I mean, I'm taking it 40s. Well, no, I'll take it a step further. You got south park, you got the Simpsons. You know what I mean? It's good nor bad. It's like the more that's the stuff coming out of their mouth usually. Look, I agree. Some stuff. You see Fantasia in 1941 or whenever the fuck it came out and you go, holy shit. Like, I mean there's stuff that'll blow you away visually, but. But normally it's not to distract from the story and the plot and the dialogue.

[Giovanni]

That's a bizarre criticism.

[Gina Grad]

That's why I couldn't get it out of my head. That's why I remembered it.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of story. Go ahead. I'm your Mustang.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was gonna say, in my utopia, we take those four people and we just go, look, you got what you want.

[Giovanni]

You're decertified.

[Adam Carolla]

You wanted some attention, we're gonna give you some attention. Negative attention. You're out because you cannot be trusted. The radar's off, something's bent, something's broken. Look, I'm giving you two choices. You either legitimately thought this was a bad film, and I haven't even seen it, but I understand when Pixar does it right, they hit it out of the ballpark. You. And by the way, to get a negative review, you gotta, like, go under 60%. It's like, all right, so I didn't think it was 100%. No, not 100%. You didn't give it 12. I mean, these again, the Mason Dixon and the rotten tomato meter is about 60%. I think one of these four rotten reviews is a C review. They're counting that as rotten. Well, every once in a while stuff falls through the. Like, you go, they'll go, I like this film. It didn't quite end the way I want it to. And you're going, well, that's not negative. But anyway, one could probably argue for that and get it overturned. But if you said this thing was under 60% and we think this is.

[Giovanni]

A below average movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, it's. It's super simple. It's super simple. In. Boxing is subjective. It really. There's you, baseball. It's how many times did the ball go over the fence and the guy cross home plate? And they won. The Mets won 9 to 4. Fine. Boxing, you have to have people that are supposed to be experts at the. At the sport they're watching and sit there and award points, award points. And just with. I don't. You know, I'll give two extra points to a Mexican guy and take one away from a black guy, whatever it is. We get judges and they go. They just sit there and objectively view. And at the end, they give them a score. And they're usually in the same universe. But if they saw. If somebody saw that fight completely differently than everyone else at home and the people that were ringside and the other two judges, if one of those persons scored is diametrically opposed to the other two people, they get pulled out, right? They could. They say, no, no, you can't do championship fights anymore. You can go down to Reno and do like mud wrestling or something. But we can't afford to have you in our championship fight. You're fucking things up.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're either either the mob paid you or incompetent or you're incompetent. But either way. Yeah. Either you're doing this to get attention or you're just legitimately incompetent. Either way you have to be pulled out of the middle.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

There's so much inventive stuff in this movie. I mentioned the long term memories. There's a train of thought they take. There's a part where we actually get a glimpse into the parents minds and see how it works differently in the kids. And it's also a really poignant, sweet movie. Like I think it's a cliche, but I think it's really true in this case. I think adults will like this better than the kids. Because what no 7 year old is gonna look at understand the poignancy of when they're inside the little girl's mind and invent or imagination town is getting bulldozed for preschool town. That's like a poignant moment that like means, that means something to adults. And kids are gonna be like oh, look at the pretty colors or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody writes movies should watch Pixar movies and study the. Study the story.

[Gina Grad]

There's real poignancy and that question because it's about an 11 year old girl and this is arguably a much more complex movie than they're used to doing. Do you think kids younger than 11 will understand it?

[Giovanni]

I think so because there's enough fun, fun stuff going on. But I think the jokes are in there for the adults. Not. Not too proud to admit it was a very dusty theater today.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

I was at one point, thank God, the only solo guy in the theater full of adults and their kids. Here I am wiping tears away from my cheeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus. So what do we get?

[Giovanni]

This is an A. This is a really, really, really good movie. I think everyone can enjoy it. I would recommend you see it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooray for bounty war. All right, get ready for some news. First. LegalZoom. Smart business people trust LegalZoom. Whether you need a contract reviewed, want to incorporate LLC non profit file a patent trademark. Start with LegalZoom. LegalZoom. Not a law firm. So what do they do? Well, they built a network of independent attorneys in most states they provide legal advice and and other useful services. They help you run your business without spending a lot of do re me man. Complete transparency, upfront pricing, customer reviews and 100% satisfaction guaranteed. It's legal. Zoom. Legal Zoom Dawson. Make the smart choice for your [e-mail] today. And don't forget to enter Adam at checkout to save even more. Again, that's Adam at checkout for more savings. LegalZoom. Legal help is here. All right, so as we said, live shows everywhere. Going back to Sacramento to Cache Creek. That's where they stole my backpack from the airport.

[Giovanni]

Your makeup gig.

[Adam Carolla]

It's going to be awesome. I will relish that day. That's Saturday, July 25th. So anyone bought tickets? It was sold out. I think a couple of shows. Re up. I'll see you there. And evening with me in Santa Monica. That's book related. That's Tuesday, June 30th. Oh, that's coming up.

[Gina Grad]

Can I say something about the book? So my mom just got back from a cruise, Caribbean cruise. And unbeknownst to me, she took the audiobook of Daddy Stop Talking. And that was her cruise entertainment. And she, you know, woman in her mid-60s from the Midwest, Jewish, whatever the demographic, was crying, she was laughing so hard. Really loved it. She said it was the perfect thing to take on her cruise.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah. Well, thank you very much. And that mirrors exactly the experiences of my mother, minus the cruise and the part where she listened. My fucking book. But other than those two small elements, other than the going on a cruise and absorbing any of her son's art. Yes. Well, thank her. It's really sweet. Yeah. And you guys write me nice tweets and say nice things and hear little stories like that, and it makes up for the huge, gaping hole my family left. Stop talking. All right. It's weird. I've managed to attract a lot of people in my life. That mirror, you know, they say, like, oh, that's your dad. That's your mom. That's your mom, that's your dad. I have that in my own life. So I don't have. I don't. My own. I'm talking about my wife and kids and stuff like that. You know, my. My wife's like, you know, she likes me. Okay. Watches, catch a contractor with the kids. But, like, when I tell her, Sunday, I'm going racing, I'm racing Paul Newman's car at the track. All right. You gonna take the kids? Yeah. All right. Have fun out there. Like, don't get the. I need to see you doing that. And I don't. The good news is, is I don't need to be seen doing it. I'm fine with just the kids. But, yeah, she probably figured out not to read the books so. But nice to hear.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, she loved it. And I think she, at first she bought it because she wanted to see an insight into what, you know, who I work with every day and what I'm doing. And she was crying. She was laughing so hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Love her baby. Thank you very much. And let's do a little news with her daughter. Give you the news with grad. News with Gino Grad show Big's come Congress Tech news. Sports news, world news. Give me news with Gina grad. Weird shit out of Florida sex surveys. Obama need News with Gina. Gina the news with Gina grad.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Barack Obama has joined the ranks of guests who have appeared on the podcast what the Fuck with Marc Maron. The president's people reached out to Marin a while back and they recorded the show this past weekend. Marin said he found Obama disarming and thought the two of them had formed a nice emotional connection. And here a clip. Now, this is the clip that everybody's playing, but it's a clip about talking about race relations, especially on the heels of what happened in South Carolina.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, we're looking at something. I think we got some CNN thing.

[Gina Grad]

This is it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this is it. Sorry.

[Gina Grad]

Listen to this. Oh, this is right after there.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Giovanni]

I'm dying to know if they. Well, now I want to see what happens if they bleep it out or not.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

It's worth it.

[Giovanni]

I listen to this whole thing minus the last. I'm still in the last seven minutes.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, really?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Why didn't you just listen?

[Giovanni]

I pulled up to work. No, I'm like, enough of this delete.

[Gina Grad]

N word to do so. So listen to this.

[Adam Carolla]

Racism. Racism, we are not cured of, clearly. And, and, and it's not just a matter of it not being polite to say nigger in public. That's not the measure of whether racism still exists or not. It's not just a matter of overt discrimination. We have. Societies don't overnight completely erase everything that happened two to 300 years prior.

[Gina Grad]

So it was obviously a very honest conversation, which I thought was pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

To give a tiny bit of context, right before this, he said, you'd be insane not to think that people today have it better than they do in the black men in the 50s and 60s and 70s. It's much, much better today. He said that right before this.

[Adam Carolla]

I only, like I said, sort of study things from arm's length, psychological whatever. And I. And some of the, you know, it's all anecdotal. I don't have any charts. But since we elected a black President, to me, 222% more race discussion.

[Giovanni]

That's your approximate value?

[Adam Carolla]

That's approximate, yeah. It's a doubling down and it's gonna continue, I think, in a feminine way. If Hillary Clinton gets in there and makes sense, it makes sense. The part of it that I don't like, I like the progressive part of it. It. I feel that the powers who make a business out of this realize they're losing their cash cow and that there must be. We must ratchet it up. Just because we have a black president doesn't mean we're not racist, is there? How business.

[Giovanni]

Is racism existing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Well, everybody's, Every news outlet is racist. I mean, you can take a crouton and make it into a fucking basket woven of bread if you can take a case and really fucking go with it. And I believe that's what's going on. That's me. I don't think you would think that we're more racist in 2015 than we were in 1999, would you? Not if you turn on the TV set.

[Giovanni]

Well, just for. Yeah, not from my own observations, but yeah, but being what's reported and being thrown at us, I would agree with that.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't, I don't. I remember 1999 or 1998 or 95 or 2000, like sort of thinking, well, this is kind of turn the page. This is a page in history. We've moved on. We have a, you know, I don't know, we have a black police chief or something, the mayor of whatever city's governor, whatever, which wasn't a, wasn't a daily dialogue. Do you know what I'm saying? It has turned into something that needs to be discussed on a daily. Now I'm sure that whatever was going on in 2000 is going on today, statistically, probably and maybe in Greater numbers in 2000 in terms of hate crimes against whomever, but especially in this case, black. I just don't believe it turned into the. I don't believe there was a necessity to. I don't believe there's an agenda with it. I believe that Every. That in 2000 and there's a thriving industry. I mean, some of it's, you know, Jesse Jackson and then some of it, some of it's Al Sharpton. Some of it's just the news. There's just too much, too much news. I think in 2000, if somebody burnt down an all black church and put a burning cross in front of it, it's definitely making the news as a hate crime, a race crime and whatever it is. I believe now we can convert almost any altercation between white and black or anything in black into some race based something where it didn't used to be infused. If two guys got in a fight by the side of the road and one of them was black and the other was white, in 1999 it was reported as a scuffle on the side of the road or road rage or something, but it wasn't. We didn't work in. Weren't massaging the race part of it.

[Gina Grad]

But do you think that has something to do with Obama?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

So basically whoever's in the spotlight like that is a lightning rod for that cause for that, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that subconsciously the folks that realize at some point, I think what happened is to be simple about it. If you took us all back to our childhoods, whenever that was, and you said we have a two term black president in the United States, what is the race? What is the relationship with white and black and the race relations, how is it going?

[Giovanni]

Total irony.

[Adam Carolla]

Futuristic, Whatever you'd say. Look, I don't know if it's 2030 or 2050 or whatever it is, but I imagine utopia. Utopia, right, right. We had black president. Yeah. You'd have to ask a few questions. Now wait, what's the majority Vice president? No. What is the makeup of society? Have the brothers taken over? Oh no, no. It's predominantly white or Hispanic or non black.

[Giovanni]

Well, Charles Manson. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Black. Yeah. Black represents 12 and a half percent or whatever it is of the populace. Right. Okay. And then we elected a black president. Yes. And then to a second term. Yes. Okay, well then that's going to be a much better place than we're at today. From a racial standpoint, we must have.

[Giovanni]

Achieved total racial harmony.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, the people who make their living with the news cycle and the Al Sharpton's of the world realize while we're not at the utopia, it will be perceived as, hey, we've come a long way and their job is not to let us get a long way away from that. And that's why it's been a tripling down of efforts and the news cycle as well to remind us constantly that we're all still racist. So this thing of, well okay, you guys may have elected a black president, but not so fast, you're all still racist. As a matter of fact, the message is a, you're racist and you don't even know it. It's been the message because there's not enough activity to sustain the finger pointing and the allegations of racism. There's the stuff we blow up and run with, but I'm saying it's more profitable relatively. Yes. And so there's people tuning in. A lot of the message is, look, you're racist. You don't know it. And the last six and a half years has been, you don't realize, look, we think we're not racist. Whoa, believe me, we're a lot more racist than you guys are thinking. There you go. Now continue your discussion or let's get on to the weather. That's what I'm saying.

[Gina Grad]

And you're talking about in general, all of us, not the police, which lately has just been a rampant craziness of shootings and just horror.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a couple things. Things move in this sort of cyclical nature. So if there is going to be in the city of Detroit, if there's going to be 128 police related homicides on African Americans, it's not going to be once one every day, every third day. So it spreads out exactly over the. It'll be eight in one weekend and then we'll take two weeks off. You know, it's my kind of flip a coin a hundred times. It'll be heads and tails 50% of the time, but there's going to be runs both directions in the other, so. And then also there's so much news that it sort of begats itself. Like I remember way back there was, for instance, something like pit bull attacks. There was a time 20 years ago, it's like, oh, it's a pit bull. And then every news would start with another pit bull attack. And then they'd go, this one was a labradoodle, but it could have easily been a pit bull. And yes, the mailman is fine. And it was like, well, you're in.

[Gina Grad]

A town just like yours, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And now we're walking away going, was that enough? Attack by. But no, we're on a roll. Don't you get it?

[Bald Brian]

We're on a roll.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a story. There was like random like guy on a freeway overpass just shooting people with a gun at some point. And then at some point it happened. Except for it was a kid with a BB gun but still got counted as like, hey, we got a story here.

[Gina Grad]

Epidemic.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's keep it going. It's an epidemic. Yeah, I think, I didn't, I don't think cops, you know, four and a half months ago went, hey, hey, listen, we gotta start Killing black folk. Let's go. We're losing our touch here. We're getting off our game. I think cops have been beating the shit out of the people they've been protecting or paid to protect for a long time. And I've complained about it for a long time and now it's pick it up and run. Look, there's been plenty of cases of white guy gets pulled off a horse and gets the shit kicked out of him. Pregnant woman gets the shit kicked out of her white chick in some parking lot in like Newport beach or something. Plenty of that. It's just they see that come across the blotter. I mean, I mean, you got helicopter footage of a guy riding a horse, he gets pulled off the horse, or he jumps off the horse, whatever. Cops are coming from different counties to kick him in the nuts. Like literally. Hey, I'm off today. Well, saddle up, put your pants on. We need to come running in here four days later and kick the guy in the groin. Okay? What news cycle does that make people look at it and go, it'll get a little play out here locally. But it's not fitting the narrative. We. Well, if the narrative is cops beating people, perfect guy on a horse trying to surrender, 20 cops kicking the shit out of them. If the narrative is cops beating the shit out of black people, it's not gonna work with our narrative. So obviously there's a narrative because otherwise this shit would get as much play as everything else gets. We've gone nuts with it. And I don't like it because I think that racism is horrible. And I think a country calling themselves something horrible over and over again is not good. And I don't like my kids growing up in this sort of atmosphere where it just sort of permeates. Like, you know, we're raised, you know, oh, you're nine, you don't think you're racist? Oh, you are.

[Giovanni]

It also might be kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, like the more you tell yourself or yourselves or people.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point.

[Giovanni]

Your racist. Like maybe we are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right.

[Giovanni]

Anyway, you know, you would like though. Sorry, one last thing. He did actually at one point pretty much say the key. He used a lot of code, but he was basically talking about poor black people. Family and education, he said, he said a loving family and you know, good schools and all that stuff and study and all that.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Yeah, well said family.

[Gina Grad]

You guys should partner up. Next round.

[Adam Carolla]

It's hard to.

[Giovanni]

It was refreshing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It's up there. It's right Next to weight loss, diet and exercise society, staying out of prison, staying off of drugs, getting a good job, getting educated, family and education like, I just don't know how it can be marginalized.

[Giovanni]

The president's on board with your platform, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good, good. Good for Marc Maron and good for podcasting. All right, what else we got?

[Gina Grad]

Well, in the new issue of Billboard, Eddie Van Halen insults former Van Halen bass player Michael Anthony, saying he had to show him how to play all the bass bass parts on Van Halen songs. And while Anthony declines to participate in what's now being called a never ending mudslinging, Sammy Hagar has come to his defense. Hagar posted a video to his Facebook page over the weekend defending Michael Anthony's bass playing and calling out Eddie Van Halen for not being quite the musician he claims to be. Here's a clip.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't piss off the red rocker. 100% dedicated. Never did anything to hurt those guys. And they try to hurt him again and again and again and again. For Eddie to say he had to show him what to play and had to teach him all those songs, that is the biggest line of I've ever heard in my life. I was in that band for 11 years. There was never a video camera involved of Eddie showing him what to play. Eddie would tell him what to play once in a while and say, no, Mike don't play that many notes. Just stay on one note. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. So that I can up and. And nobody will know it. You know, it was that kind of. And I'm telling you straight up, especially on the 04 reunion tour, if Mike would have played any more than one note, it would have been showing that Eddie wasn't playing the right chords again and again and again. I couldn't sing to him. You couldn't play bass to him. So that is a lot of bullshit. And I, I don't know why they go after him like that. He doesn't here's deserve it. Here's all I know. Michael Anthony is one of the nicest guys at I've ever met. I've had him in here on Carcast a few times. He's a big car guy. He's come around here a few times. Fucking flip flops, laid back and friendly as. Sammy Hagar is one of the nicest guys I've met in rock and roll too. They're both two of the nicest. Just fucking chillax. Salt of the earth.

[Giovanni]

Eddie Van Halen has the same rip.

[Adam Carolla]

Eddie Van Halen Alex. And I really don't know much about Alex, but I've heard horrific stories about Eddie Van Halen and also a legendary drunk.

[Giovanni]

At one point his life, he may have mistaken some of the facts.

[Adam Carolla]

And David Lee Roth is pretty, pretty nuts as far as Diamond Dave as well. So all I know is that one guy is really, really, really nice, and then Hagar is really, really, really, really nice. And Eddie Van Halen has a reputation as being a fucking dick. So I'm basing whatever information I hear on those pieces of knowledge that I know, and you guys should go ahead and do that as well. And the reason you should do that. Why work so hard to be a nice guy if you can't fucking pull out that card every once in a while?

[Gina Grad]

Trust me, I vouch for this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like, I know it's he said, she said, but I've spent most of the time on this planet being courteous to other people and complimentary. Could I please get a little. Get my fucking subsandwich card stamp punch.

[Giovanni]

Just fucking once when I'm the. He said in that situation, I've earned.

[Gina Grad]

A free take my word for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Or something, or are we all just fucking back to zero?

[Gina Grad]

Well, the very fact that Michael Anthony refuses to comment, and Sammy Hagar also says he's the nicest person. He's the champion. He was always the first one to rehearsal, last one to leave, and top five bass guitarists on the planet, I'm willing to hear them out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, I'll tell you what you should hear out. Credit karma, baby. Ah. Most important number you're going to get in your life, it's not your iq, it's your credit score. Huge impact on your finances. Brian, were we talking about this refinancing? Is that us, you and me? Well, we're talking about.

[Giovanni]

I refi a few.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said to everybody, there's no good credit. There's just bad credit. Speaking of this, like, you should get good credit. And I know everyone thinks, oh, you have good credit. It's good. Look, when I went to buy my house a few years ago, and they were like 30% down, and I'm like, geez, that's a lot of money. And like 30% down. And I'm like, I've bought 10 properties. I've never been late a second on a payment. Yeah, 30% down. That's the standard now. Because after the housing bubble and everything like that. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I can't trust anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm like, yeah, you can't Trust anyone. Except for me, because I'm the guy who has warehouses, rental houses, beach houses. I've done it all. And it's 20 years of not a second late on one mortgage payment or defaulting or anything of any kind. Right? 30%. And then they get this one all the time. That drives me nuts. Where they go, look, they give you 20%, they'll have to do it for everyone. No, you don't. Just.

[Giovanni]

People make exceptions. That's what those are called, exceptions.

[Adam Carolla]

Do it for everyone who's owned a ton of property and never been a second late. How about that? How about that? No, there is bad credit. I swear to God, there's no good credit. Credit Karma. You can see your credit score. See it right now. Do it absolutely free. Just text Adam to 89800 to download and get your free Credit Karma app. That's Adam to 89800 and check it out. Plus free tips how to manage your credit, free monitoring. I want to know who. I want to know my credit score is.

[Giovanni]

I was just about to say Gary. Sponsored segment idea. Get Credit Karma to run all of our credit scores.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, no.

[Giovanni]

And then reveal. Do it.

[Adam Carolla]

God, I hate the bank. Anyway, you go to. So again, it's all free. Find out what your credit score is again. If I could wish one thing for my kid, it would know. Know your credit score and don't have bad credit because that will ruin you. Unless you're just going full mountain man. Unless you're going to tunnel out of a prison. Sonny, you listen to me again. Text to Adam89, download the free app and check the most important number of your life. All right, let's do one more, shall we?

[Gina Grad]

All right. Well, less than a day after Taylor Swift took to Tumblr to complain about the lack of artist royalties during the three month free trial period.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that gay website where you hook up with dudes?

[Gina Grad]

That's Grindr, yeah. The new trial period of Apple Music, the company's content czar, announced. Announced they are changing their policy. Taylor had threatened to keep her latest album, 1989, off of the service, writing on Tumblr, quote, I find it to be shocking, disappointing, and completely unlike this historically progressive and generous company. So they tweeted her and said Apple will always make sure their artists are paid. Apple Music will pay artists for streaming even during the customer's free trial period. We hear you, Taylor Swift and indie artists love Apple.

[Adam Carolla]

So.

[Gina Grad]

So this basically wasn't going to affect Taylor Swift. She has plenty of money, but she put her name out there because all the indie artists that were gonna get screwed because no artists, no writers, no producers get paid during that three month trial period, but they do now.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. Well, it makes sense.

[Gina Grad]

Kind of a folk hero. Well, you know, folk music hero.

[Adam Carolla]

We're living in a time where we have to invent policies and then sometimes laws and all kinds of stuff. We have this technology train that is going down the track and it's going faster than we can throw track down in front of it. Like it literally. We don't know. I mean, we talk about these futuristic movies and stuff, but who would have known all of this stuff and who could have possibly prepared for it? And sorry, you can't go to the Constitution and look up things on online SaaSopa. Yeah, I mean, we're living in a wonderful age where you can be sued from a tech company that owns a patent that they didn't even invent, that they just bought, that's out of Lubbock, Texas and you've never heard of them, and they've never heard of you and they're taking it to court in Texas even though you don't have a business in Texas. Who would have ever known we'd build this utopia where a president of the United States would go on a podcast or be up another podcast, could get sued by some entity they never heard of from some patent that they've never heard of. That doesn't make any sense. So we're all over the place and we're having to sort of figure it out as we go along because we. There's no precedent.

[Gina Grad]

Right. And somebody has to get screwed in order for them to throw a red flag up and say, okay, no more.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And so initially, whether it's Apple or patent trolls or whoever it is, they're gonna look around and go, there's nothing illegal about this. Just like there was nothing, I don't know, illegal about cocaine or having a slave or I don't know, marrying a 14 year old or whatever it was. All the good old days, the salad days, we call it pr. Yeah. Where they look around and go, who wants to do some coke and fuck a 14 year old? I do a lot of drop. All right, let's do that. Speaking of when we're done, let's get that black dude to clean up our mess. How much free? This is awesome.

[Giovanni]

We'd be dumb not to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

We'd be dumb not to do it. Right, okay. And then eventually somebody like steps in and goes, you know, this is wrong. And then somebody Goes. Well, look, all right, Honest Abe. Well, yeah, look, we can all agree we want young punda. Now, let's say, let's call it 18, 16 in Hawaii, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know, somebody like kind of goes, all right, we all, we don't want the old pussy. We all agree on that.

[Giovanni]

But here, I'm from proletariat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure, of course. Hold on. Jerry, what do you got over there? 11. Really? You're gonna throw out 11?

[Giovanni]

It's a brazen move.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Oh, I see. We'll work our way to 13. Smart like that. First progressive. Yeah. Jerry, I can't say that I'm gonna back you 100% when you shout that out, but I do like where you're heading with this. I probably won't pipe up till we get to the early teens, but either way, we shall now call it about 18, you know what I mean? And all right, young guys, you still want, you know, 52 year old producers, they're still young pussy for you. But we can. But we strike a balance.

[Giovanni]

There were people on the, on the, the side of younger in the, in the debate on age of consent. There were certainly people lobbying for younger.

[Gina Grad]

Don't you think they settled on 18?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. I'm saying 18 was a compromise. Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

I said there had to be the guy who was like nine just to figure. Yeah, just, just like any good barter, you know, you throw it out there. What is that, an F150? What is it? 003? Couldn't pay a penny more than $3,500 for that.

[Giovanni]

And I'm uncomfortable even saying that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's a lot of money. Yeah. A lot of guys will do that knowing they're gonna get to five grand. Let's not start at 48. Nine. We'll get the five too fast and.

[Giovanni]

Pass 100 miles on that thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. That nine year old got on her. That's a lot. She's what now? She'd be 2006. Oh, my God.

[Giovanni]

An 06.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So we haven't invented things yet. Right? Or we've invented things, but no way to police those things.

[Gina Grad]

Actually, can I tell you one more story as an addendum to that? The FCC fined AT&T $100 million for misleading its customers about the unlimited mobile data plans. This is another one. Because they severely slowed down the data speeds for customers with unlimited plans when they get to their maximum bit rate. And they of course, didn't tell any customers.

[Giovanni]

Unlimited doesn't mean unlimited, even a little bit.

[Gina Grad]

So they've been doing this since 2011. They capped the maximum data speeds for unlimited customers after they used a set amount of data within a billing cycle. They didn't tell anybody. Now they have to pay $100 million because finally they said, technically, I guess you can do that. But that's completely misleading the customer, and that's completely unethical.

[Giovanni]

I'm actually one of the people if you. I'm looking for my slice of that hundred mil.

[Gina Grad]

I'm wondering who gets it.

[Giovanni]

There's not a lot of people left.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't sell unlimited data plans anymore.

[Giovanni]

But I had mine forever.

[Adam Carolla]

And a few days after this happened.

[Giovanni]

They actually sent me a text message.

[Adam Carolla]

Announcing they were throttling my data.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, after this came out.

[Gina Grad]

Now they did their part, and that's why I switched out of AT&T because it was so damn slow.

[Adam Carolla]

He was thinking of moving up into the five series, the three Series. Beamer was. He was outgrowing. And it wouldn't hold his golf club. Yeah, fine for the par three pitch and putt, but not the full. No, not forgot 18, not the full set. And now, now devastated by this struggle.

[Giovanni]

Is real man.

[Adam Carolla]

Orange county problems, baby. Ocp. You're down with ocp.

[Giovanni]

I'm down with ocp.

[Adam Carolla]

You know me. All right, Jinx. You both owe me a Coke. Let's bring it home.

[Gina Grad]

I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll give you a little dank. Gina. Gina. That was the news with Gina Grad. Score big, baby. Score big dot com. First place to go. Save money on tickets. Every ticket, every time. Even events you think are sold out, they're not. Score Big comes in there, works directly with the teams, concert promoters, venues. Get the unsold tickets. Pass the savings on you. Average customer. Savings, 40%. That's a lot. Even if it went up to 120%. But it doesn't. It stops at 100. I learned that the other day. So 40 is pretty damn good. No last minute ticket site. It's days, weeks, months in advance, whatever you want. We figured out motorsports. I got Indy 500, NASCAR, all that kind of stuff. Broadway shows, concerts, sporting events, whatever. They got all the tickets. Click the red microphone, top right hand corner. Enter Adam. Get 20 bucks off your first purchase. So you get the 40% off box office and then you get 20 bucks off more first purchase. Score big scorebig.com. use it. Save some money now. All right then. Lord of the jungle. Amazon buying something on Amazon, click through our link, bookmark us and tweet us a picture the receipt with the hashtag lotj and every week we will honor the Lord of the Jungle participant. Send some swag your way. We're doing some hats and some stuff like that. We'll send some swag your way. Daddy. Stop talking out as we speak. Thanks to Gina's mom. Rode hard out on itunes and winning out on itunes and Amazon. All that kind of smart. Pull them and look. Worked a couple years on these projects. Give it 3.99 in 90 minutes. Yep, not too shabby, Dawson. It's also playing Friday night in Carpenteria at the Plaza Playhouse Theater. Winning the Raising Life of Paul Newman 7:00pm Go out Sam Corolla.com Smoke a bowl with Dawson until next time, Sam Corolla for Gina Grant and Bald Brian saying mahalo. Who wants to do some Coke and a 14 year old.

[Giovanni]

All right, that is it for today's Polo Classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, follow and get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

RA.