Jasmine Crocket & Newsom’s Performative Confidence + Comedian Monique Marvez

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Jasmine Crockett & Newsom’s Performative Confidence + Comedian Monique Marvez"

Release Date: May 19, 2025

---

1. Introduction and Initial Banter (00:00 – 03:56)

The episode kicks off with Adam Carolla engaging in his trademark humor, discussing the latest McDonald's offerings before moving on to promotional segments. Jason Mayhem Miller announces upcoming live shows, highlighting Adam's extensive touring schedule across California and Washington.

2. Personal Reflections and Appreciation (03:56 – 06:03)

Adam shares a heartfelt story about meeting a woman who lost her husband to a bee sting—a rare and immediate tragedy. He emphasizes the impact of his podcast on listeners, expressing gratitude for their support:

"The best part of my job is when people go, you got me through this period. It was a tough period, but I've listened to you every day."
(05:29)

3. Critique of Action Movie Realism (06:03 – 18:05)

A significant portion of the episode delves into Adam's critique of the unrealistic portrayal of action stars, particularly focusing on Tom Cruise's "Mission Impossible" franchise. Adam dissects the overemphasis on characters' grip strength, arguing that it's the most unrealistic and often overlooked aspect of action sequences:

"The number one quality the one you can't replicate because, you know, oh, this guy kicks ass... There's thousands of guys on the planet now who can throw elbows and knees..."
(06:03 – 07:18)

Adam highlights various absurd scenarios in action films, such as gripping onto airplanes or performing miraculous feats that defy real-world physics and human capability. His discussion is punctuated by humorous exchanges with Jason Mayhem Miller, who adds anecdotes about his own experiences and generalizing misconceptions about action heroes.

4. Monique Marvez: Life as a Female Comedian (37:19 – 44:06)

Comedian Monique Marvez joins the conversation, sharing her journey in comedy. She reflects on the challenges faced by female comedians, emphasizing the importance of maintaining professionalism and setting personal boundaries:

"I was so focused on work that when anything kind of popped into my view, like somebody hitting on me or doing something stupid, I feel like I was a little bit like Wonder Woman. Like, get out of my way."
(38:01)

Monique discusses her disciplined lifestyle, abstaining from alcohol, smoking, and drugs, which she credits for protecting her from various pitfalls in the entertainment industry. She also delves into her personal relationships, highlighting her experiences with multiple marriages and the lessons learned from each:

"I quietly went back on the pill and said, let me focus on the marriage."
(77:17)

5. Critique of Gavin Newsom's Speech and Performative Confidence (24:25 – 33:00)

The episode shifts focus to politics, where Adam critiques California Governor Gavin Newsom’s speech on homelessness. He accuses Newsom of performative confidence, arguing that his rhetoric is detached from the actual causes of homelessness and fails to take responsibility:

"He is the cause of the homeless problem really essentially. But here he is the other day, now there's a problem."
(25:29)

Adam and Dawson analyze Newsom's statements, pointing out contradictions and expressing skepticism about the governor’s effectiveness in addressing the crisis:

"I could have helped him."
(29:08)

Adam further disparages Newsom’s approach, suggesting that his actions do not align with his words and criticizing his leadership:

"He's a fucking failure. He's horrible."
(31:13)

6. Monique Marvez on Personal Growth and Relationships (44:06 – 86:50)

Monique continues to share her insights on personal development, relationships, and the dynamics of dealing with difficult individuals. She speaks about accepting people as whole packages, balancing positive attributes with flaws:

"People are a package, you know, and the package, they come as a package."
(47:00)

Monique recounts her experiences with failed marriages, attributing them to personal growth and shifting priorities. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and setting boundaries to foster healthier relationships:

"I married him because I wanted a child. I did very well on his watch. And I had to pay almost a quarter million dollars to be rid of him..."
(75:42)

Her candid storytelling provides listeners with a glimpse into the complexities of maintaining personal integrity while navigating the entertainment industry's demands.

7. Addressing Societal Issues: Graffiti and Homelessness (85:10 – 108:20)

Adam and Monique tackle societal issues such as graffiti and homelessness, discussing their impact on community aesthetics and individual mental health. Adam shares a personal story about confronting a neighbor who defaced his property:

"I woke up one day... somebody had tagged the entire alley... 'Egbert' all over."
(102:26)

The narrative details how Adam and his friends took matters into their own hands, resulting in "frontier justice" that compelled the offender to rectify the situation. Monique echoes the sentiment, advocating for personal responsibility and community upkeep:

"There's nowhere like living in a neighborhood where everyone keeps it clean."
(99:36)

8. News Segment: Public Protests and Social Movements (89:54 – 115:38)

The podcast transitions into a news segment covering recent events, including Ben and Jerry's co-founder being arrested during a protest and Bruce Springsteen's criticism of the Trump administration. Adam provides his take on the effectiveness of modern protests, questioning their impact and authenticity:

"We're in a weird place in our society where everyone is pushing their opinion out 24/7 about everything all the time."
(93:09)

He criticizes the performative nature of political activism, suggesting that genuine change requires more than just vocal opposition.

9. Closing Remarks and Promotions (115:38 – End)

As the episode nears its end, Monique Marvez plugs her upcoming shows, including performances at Jimmy Kimmel's club and the Houston Improv, encouraging listeners to attend. Adam wraps up with final promotional segments for various sponsors, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and advertising.

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Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla:
  "The number one quality... is grip. Grip is the number one fake action star quality."
  (07:18)

• Monique Marvez:
  "There's no free lunch. If somebody's offering you something, there's a pretty good chance there's a price."
  (39:25)

• Adam Carolla on Relationships:
  "And then you have to accept people as sort of packages."
  (47:53)

• Adam Carolla on Gavin Newsom:
  "He is a fucking failure. He's horrible."
  (31:13)

• Monique Marvez on Personal Growth:
  "I wish I had a me when I was a you."
  (55:32)

---

Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of sharp social critique, personal storytelling, and comedic insights. Adam Carolla and Monique Marvez engage in candid discussions about the entertainment industry's unrealistic portrayals, personal relationships, societal responsibilities, and political rhetoric. With their unfiltered humor and candid takes, they provide listeners with both laughter and thoughtful commentary on contemporary issues.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Monique Marvez]

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[Adam Carolla]

Stop.

[Monique Marvez]

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[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, comedian Monique Marvez comes in for some very interesting conversation. Also, Mayhem's got some news and we'll do all that right after this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Even More Live Shows with Adam Carolla at the end of this month in Bellflower, California. Two shows at the Stand Up Comedy Club on May 24th. Then on May 30th he travels up to Washington for four shows at the Tacoma Comedy Club in Tacoma May 30th and 31st. Then off to Spokane, Washington at the Spokane Comedy Club on June 1st. Tickets for these and [e-mail].

[Adam Carolla]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Monique Marvez. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now wishing a happy 5:15 to all the who fans out there, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the chest. We get ready on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks to friend we love about you. Well, Monique Marvez is a very funny, outspoken, bawdy stand up comedian and we'll talk to her coming up soon. She's always got a lot of good stuff to say. I got thoughts about things, something that just popped in my head. I've been meaning to thank a person or two, but one in particular when I was in Florida after the show, did a meet and greet and a nice woman came up, said that she'd lost her husband five and a half years ago to a bee sting, which is I evidently had allergic reaction and just perfect health get a bee sting die. So it doesn't happen much quicker than that in terms of losing a spouse. And she said, you got me through these five and a half years. I laughed again and blah, blah, blah. And I do get that a lot. And I'm always a little dismissive of it. I'm always like, yeah, all right, all right, let's take the picture. But it's important. And the best part of my job is when people go, you got me through this period. It was a tough period, but I've listened to you every day. When I go on a hike, put me in a better mood. And if that's all there is, then my work is done.

[Dawson]

You gotta accept that love, dude. Accept that love. I help people get people through. You need to.

[Adam Carolla]

I know my promise. I'm always going, yeah, okay, okay, all right, all right. But it feels good. I think about it from time to time. And then it also makes me realize when I talk to people all the time, they go, oh, when I go walk my dog in the morning, I listen. Or when I commute into work, I listen. Or when I'm coming home or at work or whatever it is. So hi to all you people because it's kind of interesting that you're somewhere right now on some trail.

[Dawson]

Thanks for listening.

[Adam Carolla]

And some other part of this country. Cuz I'm always out. You know, Florida doesn't get much further away from Burbank than Florida. But there you are, you got your earbuds, you're hiking. Thank you, is what I wanted to say. All right. Now, I've said this for a long time, and people, I think they first kind of go, what? But then they go, that's 100% right. I'm watching the trailer for Tom Cruise and Mission Impossible. They show the old stuff. They show the new stuff. It's a montage of him falling off of buildings and swinging from a rope and hanging. He's always on the side of an airplane hanging onto something. And here's what I wanna say. The number one quality of an action superstar in a movie. The number one quality, the one you can't replicate because, you know, oh, this guy kicks ass. You know, Jason Statham, throwing punches, throwing kicks, throwing elbows. Like, okay, but that's what you do all day. And, you know, there's literally thousands of guys on the planet now who can throw elbows and knees and, you know, do all the stuff they do in their fight choreography.

[Dawson]

Definitely trying to increase that percentage with my coaching.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. And then the other. Then they show Tom Cruise running all the time. He's running, but there's thousands of guys who can run faster than Tom Cruise.

[Dawson]

Millions, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

He runs hard for some reason. It's a big deal to see him run. And I don't know why, but it's just. He runs.

[Dawson]

It's a meme. We've all gotten used to it.

[Adam Carolla]

He likes to run.

[Dawson]

He had good form in his early days.

[Adam Carolla]

He pumps his arms, he runs arms. Yeah, yeah. Okay, now, here's the number one thing they never talk about. And it affects all action superstars. And it's the most unrealistic thing he does. It's not driving. It's not firing a gun. It's not kicking ass. It's not running, it's not jumping. It's none of the stuff they show. It's the grip. The grip. This guy just hangs off the side of an airplane. I saw those Afghanistan guys trying to get on that C130. None of them are here in the States. None of them made it past 700ft. Not this guy. He hangs on to everything all the time. He hangs off the side of the building. He hangs off the side of multiple airplanes. There'll be a scene. If they did a scene in real life, if they said to Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham and all those guys, could you simulate a fight right now? They'd go, yeah. Could you run right now? Yeah. What if I took a rope and just chucked it off the top of this 28 story building? You think you could dive out and grab it and swing back up? No, not in a million years. The craziest thing he has is grip. Grip. And all action stars have grip. And they also have some sort of superhuman grip. Yes, because the fight is the fight. But there are a lot of guys you can fight. The running is the running. Every kid can run. They're driving the car. I can drive a car like that, but I can't slide off the side of a blimp. When I'm on the top of the blimp, slide down the side and grab a light marker with one hand and pull myself back up. That I cannot do. Nobody can do it. It's all grip. And they always talk about, oh, come on, this guy kicked the ass of this karate master. He beat up five guys at once. Okay? It's still under the realm of believable, the grip. And if you removed. If you just said with Tom Cruise, look, we got to delete all the grip based scenes in Mission Impossible. Every movie would be 14 minutes long and there'd be no franchise. Every movie, he could be on the side of an airplane or it could be sliding out of a train car. Oh, crap. Grab never misses, by the way. He never misses. I don't even know why the people around him are ever concerned. Because it's like, oh, look at him. Never misses the grip.

[Dawson]

There's a handhold.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always a grip. It's grip. All the other stuff you can do, not the grip.

[Dawson]

An overhand on the wing of a biplane.

[Adam Carolla]

He's constantly gripping things and I don't know where he gets that kung fu grip, but that and, and they do it with other stars too. Also, there's a weird, you know the thing about guys who fall off the side of cliffs or side of buildings or something, then they grip them or they climb back up the rope at some point when they're like 80 stories up, they get their head up to the floor and they go, thanks, bro. My, my feeling, I still, I'm still out of the building. Like, I'm not, I'm not doing a victory dance till you fucking pull me until we get the lobby of this building.

[Dawson]

I love celebration.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They get like. Even the women go, thanks, Bobby. It's like you're still outside the building, bitch. And you're just hanging on. If you took any woman I know and said, look, we're just Going to blow out the window on the 80th store. I'm just going to hang you out the side. No ropes, no harness. And you just put your elbows up on the tile. I don't think she'd be relaxed.

[Dawson]

No. All right. Planking.

[Adam Carolla]

Grip is the number one fake action star quality. And you can't make a movie without grip. There is no action movie that doesn't involve grip. At some point, the girlfriend falls out of the car and you grab him. You know, the fireman hold. At some point, you're sliding off the top of the plane or the building or something. It's all grip. They never talk about grip. They never go, oh, well, who had a better grip, Schwarzenegger or Stallone? It's always grip.

[Dawson]

But Stallone.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's the. Yes. And it's the phoniest thing ever. And all Tom Cruise does is grab shit.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He's spent more time outside of airplanes than inside of airplanes. In this franchise, Third Class, if you tallied all the time spent on the airplane versus all the time spent outside of the airplane, there would be more outside the airplane.

[Dawson]

My dad actually got drugged by C130. The story's pretty quick where he just got on a static line.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Dropped.

[Dawson]

Got banged up again. My dad cracks up harder than anybody at that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, was he trying to jump out of a C186 airborne?

[Dawson]

Somebody stopped the line of guys who jump out the back with a static line. He shoved the guy and his static line caught his arm. He got hung up on the plane, banged a couple times, and then.

[Adam Carolla]

So he dragged behind the plane.

[Dawson]

He did.

[Adam Carolla]

At altitude.

[Dawson]

At altitude and walked it off.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a dude. That is a dude.

[Dawson]

Love you, dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Static line. It's not. There's no free fall in the static line.

[Producer]

No, no.

[Dawson]

You come out, they pour you out of the back of a C130. It was a giant cargo plane. Everybody jumps out. They're attached to all their equipment, flies down below them, and they open the chute and, you know, you gotta get down to the ground as soon as possible. So if the enemy's firing at you, it just. You don't have time.

[Adam Carolla]

You know why I could never work on any action movie?

[Dawson]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Because, like in fast and furious five or six or whatever it was, they got the C130. They all got their super buggies lined up, and then they all were going to fly over the target, the mountain target, and they're going to parachute out the back of the C130 and down and then release the. The parachute and then take off. Which is all fine action sequence. But here's why I couldn't work on any of these. They pulled all the cars into the C130 forward. And then at some point, when it got to 28,000ft, the gate opened and they all backed out. And I would argue that you should back into the C130 like Dr. Drew backs into the spot in my parking lot. Every time he backs in, he backs in because he likes to shave a couple of tens. He's always in a hurry. He gets in his car, he leaves, and he wants to shave 14 seconds off. Right? Right. But if you were gonna be. Let's just ask everyone, you know, if somebody said you're gonna have to put your car in a C130, and then when we get up to 20,000ft, you're gonna drive out of the back of the C130, wouldn't you load it facing the back of the C130? There's no weight distribution problem. But you think you'd like to drive out of the back of the seat, not be looking over your shoulder. You're adjusting the mirror. Some guy banged your mirror. You go into the side. You hit the side of the C130 because you're not going straight scrape.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're already driving a car out of an airplane.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to do it in reverse. Right. Like, that's more difficult. A little extra difficulty level to this endeavor. Why would you not load those? And by the way, you got all the time in the world to load up the C130 that you do that the night before. It was like, we're in a hurry. I would argue everything you put in a C130 is probably. Probably back it in because you have guys on the ground. You're sitting. Well, first off, you're on the ground. Right? You're on. Why is everyone backing out of this C130 optics?

[Dawson]

Well, I guess, you know, you want to be in your seat looking up at those.

[Adam Carolla]

I would also argue you guys are driving highly modified vehicles that do not have all the mirrors and all the sensors and all the stuff. You got a 72 challenger with a Hemi in it. You can't see what's behind you. Every single car. See, this is why I couldn't work. I couldn't work because I'd go, why?

[Producer]

They.

[Adam Carolla]

They'd be backed in, right? Yeah. No, I'd go, no, of course. Who. You have 11 cars all backing out of a C130. And by the way, they're side to side. They could hit each other. Okay? And wouldn't you want to be oriented forward when you want out of the C130? Like, would you like to have your back to the ground? Would you like to be looking out the front windshield as you went into the wild blue yonder? You know what I'm saying? Wouldn't you want to be there? Is it insane?

[Dawson]

Everybody's dropped like a stone. I feel like this is the best documentary ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's a great doc. It's great. Now, the whole reason. The whole reason they did this is because Tyrese had to try at the end to not get pulled out because they knew he was gonna chicken out. And they fired. They had to fire it out from the back of the car. They could have done it from the front, but it's better from the back. And so that's why they had to do it. That's why they had to do it. But I would argue there is no world. Let's just say this. If the Navy seals were pulling some kind of deep covert ops, trying to get Bin Laden's cousin or something, and they loaded up those cool quad buggies into a C130 and they were gonna parachute out over Afghanistan, would they ever not back them in? Would they back out of a C130 blindly, blindly, just sail out of the back of a C130? All right, so that's fake. But grip. Grip is still the fakest.

[Dawson]

I figured if you had that kind of grip, you'd have a forearm like a ham hock.

[Adam Carolla]

I. You know, grip is.

[Dawson]

I think all day with those 70 squeezy spring things. You know what I mean? Or you'd be constantly with the extra hard stress ball all day under your desk while you're doing spy stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I think. I think grip is hereditary, kinda. I think it's kind of like male pattern baldness and stuff like that. I knew dudes who had crazy grip. I never did. Now, I was sort of strong in other ways, but I never had grip. I had friends that had grip, and then I had a friend who had, like, crazy, nutty, intense grip.

[Dawson]

And then there's, like, grip natural and trained together.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dawson]

Like the guy who could take a nut off of a, you know, a lug nut off of a car with his bare hands just because he's been, you know, wrenching so long.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I haven't met that guy, but I get what you're saying.

[Dawson]

I have.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody takes a lug nut off a.

[Dawson]

I've seen him do my own eyes, but please, I'm Death grip.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but it's a death grip for like 200 foot pounds of torque. But. All right, but look, they're guys that have. My friend Chris used to put his hand on top of my skull. And he just starts squeezing my skull to a point where it felt like his fingers were gonna pop through my skull.

[Dawson]

Let me tell you, coach, you go to Jiu Jitsu for about six months, and, man, it turns into. You turn into a different animal. My grip turns into steel.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dawson]

Yeah. If I have a jacket and we're.

[Adam Carolla]

Fighting with the jacket because you hold.

[Dawson]

Onto this, it makes your hands so damn strong.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. Meaty fingers with a jacket's the jacket of the gi. Sorry.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I'm saying like a cool guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I get it. All right, so look out for Tom Cruise and grip. Cause that's gonna be the entire movie. Now, he must have a harness when he hangs off the side of the biplane. And then they must cut it out. But that's really him hanging off.

[Dawson]

Hell, yeah. He's still doing that stuff. That's wild.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, there's a commercial that I keep seeing. And commercials confuse me and anger me when they're.

[Dawson]

As they often do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They don't track right once in a while. So there's this one for Asper Cream I keep seeing. I don't like commercials. Okay? I don't like commercials. I don't like the mixed couple with the gay adoption commercials. And I don't like the commercials with cool dad who's still in the garage band, but he's 50. But this Asper Cream commercial has cool dad. Although I will say this commercial, in the world of generic music, rock guitar licks is okay. Like somebody came up with a decent little mini jam. Cause you can't, you know, can't clear Nirvana. They can't be a garage band that is playing a Nirvana song because they won't clear it. So they had to just make a sort of generic rock.

[Dawson]

Someone who does that, that's their whole existence making up jingles. But go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

You'Ll know it because you'll see it when they show those, like TMZ documentaries or something. You'll hear the same one laid over a bunch of different stuff. And occasionally in porn. All right, so this is an Asper Cream commercial with a cool dad who's in the garage. Most people would rather remove a nest of irate hornets than search for auto and home insurance. That's why the Zebra searches for you. Comparing over 100 insurance companies to find savings no one else can compare. Today@the zebra.com. i think I'll wait inside. Adults these days. Don't feel your age, act your age, as per Cream. Better than any Motley Crue song number one. But okay, don't feel your age, act your age. All right, but this guy's 57. His kids haven't eaten yet. He's supposed to be in the house doing fucking homework with these people or working on some business. And he's out in the garage with his flunky friends waking up everyone in the neighborhood. What does. I know it sounds good. Don't feel your age. Okay, I'm 60. Don't feel 60. Okay, I'm with you. Act 60. Oh, well, that would mean wearing pants and stop cussing into a microphone and stuff like that. Like it wouldn't be. He's already acting like a young asshole. He's in a garage. He's a 56 year old guy who's in a garage van in his house. That. That's acting 17. But they want asthma. Cream wants you to act your age. But 56 year old guys don't hang out in the garage and play. Let me quick survey. Dawson, when your dad was 56, dude, was he out in the garage all night just pounding those skins while you're inside looking for dinner?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

With his full band. Full band every night.

[Adam Carolla]

Every night. Mayhem. Same with you.

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Andrew. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's dad, Jim. Carolla. Just out in that garage just at some point around midnight, you know, on a weeknight, my stepmom Lynn would come out and say, look, Jim, man, we gotta turn that amp down, man. You're going all night, man. So it's one of those things. It's. Somebody went. Somebody pitched it. They said, I got it. Like they were just sitting in Madison Avenue. And they went, asper Cream, don't feel your age, act your age or act the way you feel. Wait, now I gotta see it again because I screwed it up. But it sounded good. Let's watch it. Not a bad tune. Adults these days.

[Producer]

Don't feel your age, act your age.

[Adam Carolla]

Asper Cream. Yeah, all right. It sounded good when they pitched it.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Like, hey, Herb, suburban home.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't feel your age, act your age. And everyone went, yeah, Brilliant. Brilliant. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Except for it doesn't mean anything. This guy's not acting his age.

[Dawson]

Another highball.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think they did that. Definitely did that on purpose. They're trying to say that 60 year old guys can't act like this.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the problem. We got way too much of this shit going on. We need adults to get back to being adults. That's the problem with our society is adults threw the towel in on being adults. That's all we stopped. You gotta be an adult. Stop trying to be your kid. That's where the problem.

[Dawson]

I'm doing my best over here, Ace, please.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Another thing that's going on. I was watching a clip of Jasmine Crockett today and then I realized there's this new kind of thing. It's like a performative confidence and black women do it the best. Gay liberal guys do it real well too. Where they just start shouting some stuff out. You'll know they're lying when they go. Right, okay, right. Like when Joe Biden would say no lie, man. Seriously man. That was always. He was lying when he said that. But listen to Jasmine Crockett say nothing on Colbert's show but watch the performance of it. There we go. Sorry.

[Monique Marvez]

Doge is nothing but a cover up. Like it's a scam kind of like for.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the COVID up for?

[Monique Marvez]

For oh, Elon Musk.

[Producer]

I mean like what do you cover.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the COVID up for?

[Monique Marvez]

Well, because like they made it seem like they were here to do good. But this was really just a matter of a bad guy coming in and saying, hey, I want this contract, this contract, that contract. And yes, I have a conflict of interest, but no worries. And while I'm at it, let me fire this person who has this many investigations that they're looking into for Tesla. This person who has this many investigations that they're looking into for SpaceX. Let me save myself some money while also enriching myself at the same time. It was a complete sham. This was never about government efficiency. Because if it was, we would have started with Defense, where now he wants to take the budget up to a whopping $1 trillion and they have not been able to pass an audit in the last seven audits.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so it's interesting cuz they selling it now. Like if you listen to the. It's interesting. So the people that are loaded with actual information and facts don't really sell it. You know, like Jordan Peterson doesn't really sell it, he just says it, you know. And there are other guys, I don't know, sort of a Ben Shapiro or guy. The guys that actually have the information don't sell it. They say it and then the people that don't have the information sell it cuz they don't have the information. But it's interesting, it's effective and I think it's part of the new world order. I think it's part like where you go, wow, that person really is animated by their beliefs and believes what they're saying and then you kind of go along with it. And I don't want to live in that world. I was watching Newsom and Newsom was giving a speech on the homeless. He's disgusted by the way. By this situation. He is absolutely appalled. But this is more performative confidence he's doing. But Newsom is. He is diabolical cuz he's been ruining. He's the cause of the homeless problem really essentially. But here he is the other day, now there's a problem.

[Gavin Newsom]

And I am just on behalf of the taxpayers of the state, in the spirit of Ashley's question. I'm not interested. I'm just not as a taxpayer, not just governor. I'm not interested in funding failure anymore. I'm not. I won't. Time to do your job. People are dying on their watch. Dying on their watch. How do people get reelected? Look at these encampments. They're a disgrace. They've been there years and years and years and years. I've heard that same rhetoric for years. People are dying.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, put it for a second. He keeps talking about people dying. I thought it was a mother of two who had a full time job and just got divorced. She's. She's ODing. He told me it was a mother of two that was on the street that was a real face of homelessness. So I don't know who these people are dying, but. All right, keep playing it.

[Gavin Newsom]

Look at these encampments. They're a disgrace. They've been there years and years and years and years. I've heard that same rhetoric for years.

[Dawson]

People are dying.

[Gavin Newsom]

Kids are being born, overdoses. What I met a young man, literally was out there doing Project Homeless Connect, reaching out near the 405 freeway. I found out the next day he was dead.

[Adam Carolla]

I backed over him in this name.

[Gavin Newsom]

Of compassion because we had a notice.

[Adam Carolla]

I could have helped him. Hold on a second. What happened to mother too? I thought the mom worked full time and then. And then had two kids and then got divorced. What's with the fentanyl kid?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you hear him say people are dying, kids are being born?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did he say that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's a circle of life, man. That's A great replacement theory.

[Producer]

Whoa.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. People are dying. Kids are being born. But there's a bright side. Kids are being born. A new generation of junkies. Yeah. He talked to a kid. It breaks his heart. Cuz that kid died the next day. Cuz he's a junkie and he lives on the streets. And he took fentanyl, but. All right, let's hear what he has to say.

[Gavin Newsom]

Near the 405 Freeway. I found out the next day he was dead. In this name of compassion.

[Adam Carolla]

He's disgusting.

[Gavin Newsom]

Because we had a notice. I could have helped him that night. I felt like a fraud. I felt like I let him down. We got to be more aggressive. I saw a young child, a young kid in San Diego who was with the mayor of San Diego right before his state of the state. This poor kid was addicted to meth. He was a wonderful kid, a delight. And he said, I'm really glad you came. He goes, I'm struggling. And there in the tent with his wife was a newborn baby. He said, thank you for coming. There's no compassion in denying what the hell's going on in the streets in San Juan.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, denying?

[Gavin Newsom]

You need to step up.

[Adam Carolla]

Pause it. Denying. He sat in here and denied what was going on on the streets. Ten years ago when I told him what was going on on the streets, why not change the heart? He's trying to run as a human being.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He said, how did these people get reelected?

[Adam Carolla]

I love that line too.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God, the ir.

[Adam Carolla]

I love. I love that. Yeah, he's trying to pretend like he's normal and also not responsible for all the stuff he's responsible for. Because when he was in here, I don't know, 12 years ago, I told him, fix this problem. It's a big problem. It's insane. People and junkies. And then he told me it was moms, by the way, I don't know. The newborn in the tent and a little baby Jesus with the wise junkies around him. We offer you heroin, speedballs and Myrr. I don't know. I probably don't believe him because I've just. I've never seen a newborn on the. I see fucked up dudes all over the place and fucked up chicks all over the place, but I don't see a lot of toddlers. But okay, it exists, I'm sure. Anyway, it's your state, bro. Let's clean her up now. So he's. He's wanting to make a move now. All right, we got a few seconds left. We'll play it newborn Baby newborn.

[Gavin Newsom]

He said thank you for coming. There's no compassion in denying what the hell's going on in the streets and sidewalks. They need to step up. Enough of the rhetoric. I'm serious. Enough of the rhetoric. People are dying in this state. It is a disgrace. It is one of the principal reasons people are so angry. They don't trust politicians. What, they don't like what they see?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Gavin Newsom]

I'm sorry to get so intense about it. It's a moral issue. They need to do their job.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gavin Newsom]

And if they can't do it, let me know. Just say we give up and then we'll intervene. We'll come up with different strategies. All the barriers and all the bs.

[Adam Carolla]

He's tired, everybody.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I like what he's saying, but, you know, it's hard to believe.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope he's staring into a mirror. That's all I got to say. Look, he's a fucking failure. He's horrible. But the whole you gotta think about this. Why in the last 10 minutes that Gavin Newsom become a normal person. Cuz he just saw what happened to Kamala, his buddy from San Francisco. She got destroyed because nobody wants to woke bullshit anymore. So he stopped dispensing woke bullshit and started selling another form of bullshit that people find more digestible. And that's what we're seeing now as he gets ready to run for president. Then once he becomes president, he can revert back to the woke bullshit and then ruin the whole country versus just the state of California. That's the big plan. All right. Monique Marvez, very funny. Standup is out there. We'll talk to her right after this. Homes.com well, you know, I love me homes.com because I like to look at places on the Internet and Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. And it may be because of homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. Homes.com homes.com We've done your homework. O'Reilly Auto Parts man. They're in the business of keeping you on the road and that's what O'Reilly does. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts and knowledge you need to maintain and repair your vehicle. Always been an O'Reilly guy. I mean, they were around long before I started talking about them on the podcast. And go in there, get my parts, still do. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful and best of all, friendly. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us at O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

[Producer]

I'm not judging anybody, but I am a little old school. I understand that sexuality is on a continuum, you know, and we're lucky. The most vast majority of us know well and we're on like you're gay or you're straight. You know, I don't believe anybody's 50, 50 right down the middle. I don't, I really don't. When people say I'm bi, I'm like, you're just greedy and lazy. Pick a team and play hard.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Monique Barvez is on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Monique, when were you in here last?

[Producer]

Monique, it's been a minute, but I love it every time.

[Adam Carolla]

I only say that because I always enjoy when I look down in my bio and it says last appearance February 2025, I just thought there's so why, why, why all the typos?

[Producer]

Vince we discussed Vince Champ, the serial rapist. And a listener messaged me and said, that needs to be a documentary.

[Adam Carolla]

Vince Champ was the standup comedian. Worked the Comedy Match Club and worked out in la.

[Producer]

Yeah. Toured the country extension.

[Adam Carolla]

Toured the country and turned out to be a serial rapist. But never raped you?

[Producer]

No, no. I was only mildly harassed throughout my career. I never had a real like, me too. I'm afraid for my well being moment as a stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, let's talk about being a female comedian because I do hear women go, you know what it's like being a female comedian out on the road?

[Producer]

How would you?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't care. But I, I, I'm, I'm like, you know, here's how I am. Like when I see the film of P. Diddy hitting Cassie, I'm like, oh, that's called Tuesday. For me, growing up like that was just a basic mayhem.

[Dawson]

That's just standard operating.

[Adam Carolla]

That's before noon on a weekday. Right?

[Producer]

Baseline.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, I don't like the intent of it, but in terms of the physical damage, I go, all right, Dragged on a hook. My friends have done that to me 2,000 times. You know, but for you, I wouldn't know. But what's it like out there as a woman, as an attractive woman doing standup? Thank you.

[Producer]

Well, I mean, look at my current age and my current state, I would consider myself attractive, but when I was 30, I was delicious. I mean, you would want to spread me on crispy bread. And I didn't know it. That's the part I say it now. In hindsight, I really didn't know it then. I was so focused on working and writing and being funny and getting to the gig. And it was back when we had to. And you may remember this, we had to, like, send a tape in a padded envelope. There was no video press kits. There was, you know, so I was so focused on work that when anything kind of popped into my view, like somebody hitting on me or doing something stupid, I feel like I was a little bit like Wonder Woman. Like, get out of my way. I got a mission. And I think you put out the vibe that you're not on a mission. And here's the other thing. And people are going to really hate this, Adam. I'm prepared. My dad taught me when I was a little girl, there's no free lunch. If somebody's offering you something, there's a pretty good chance there's a price. Make sure you can live with the price. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do drugs. And I think that protected me from 90% of the nonsense, because I'm not accepting a drink. I'm not going back to the condo to smoke a bowl with the headliner. Like, I. You know, there was nothing they could offer me that would put me in a bad position.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, and you've always been that way.

[Producer]

Yeah. I mean, I'm going to be candid. I like wiener and malted milk balls a lot, but I'm not selective about the malted milk balls. I'll eat Whoppers out of a carton, but I'm a little more selective about the other.

[Adam Carolla]

The wiener.

[Producer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No cocktail weanings for you. Yeah.

[Dawson]

I was going to say you prefer Whoppers and both, right?

[Producer]

No, absolutely not.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're not a kielbasa gal.

[Producer]

No, quite the opposite. I have a whole bit in my act where I talk about how women never brag about their nethers. I'm very proud of Snap the Wonder Clam. I've taken incredible care of her. I get a lot of compliments And I can tell they're sincere. People are not gonna lie in that moment. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Stretch out sweater?

[Producer]

No, not at all. I mean, people are. People like Marvel. And I'm like, well, I've never dated a dangerous minority and I don't have any children. And I'm being funny, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

This is right out of the dry bar special, everybody.

[Producer]

I'm sorry, is this supposed to be a cleanest show?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Producer]

Because I know sometimes, I mean, I can go that route, but I'm just saying I've kind of. And I say that, you know, obviously you want it to be funny. You want to say salacious things. I've taken care of myself in general. Just my whole body. That's just a piece of my body.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but are we. I feel like it's been scientifically disproven that a woman could be yoked out by a large dong.

[Producer]

They say that, but I don't believe them. I don't believe. Look, they say a lot of things scientifically. You discuss it all the time on this show. That people lie.

[Dawson]

In my research, it's not true.

[Producer]

Yeah. I think some people are whistling like a Coke bottle down there. And not even because they did anything wrong. They had a big headed child or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I'll talk to Dr. Drew next time.

[Producer]

Yeah. They always say it's elastic. It goes back the way it was. I'm not. I think that's just propaganda to keep people having big headed children.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Big snatch is out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer]

Well, I'm glad. Yeah. Now I know the language. We're not worried today. But seriously, I think in general, I've taken what I deem to be good care of the whole thing. And that's a part of the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole thing is you. And then the part of the thing is the.

[Producer]

Yeah. Snap.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Okay. Trying to think of all kind of how well I've taken care of my nutsack over the years. I'll give it a C minus. I don't feel like I've taken any particular care.

[Producer]

It's different. It's different. Yeah. Because that's just gonna go with gravity. That's not. There's not an exercise for it. It's not like you can do kettle squats and. Yeah. You don't have the ability. When the skin goes. You're just swinging like a Doberman pincher.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. I've never really. I don't know, I'm trying to think. Has there ever been a guy who put lotion on his Nuts.

[Producer]

I'm sure there has been.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's, that's fall off from the lotion on the hog. But I'm saying that's just gravity, baby. But I'm saying literally lotioned, you're nuts. Guys will do their elbows, their knees, and their face and stuff. A lot of guys are down with the lotion. I'm not down with the lotion. But has any guy ever lotioned up the nut sack? And what good would it do?

[Producer]

You know, like, you mean like maintenance care? Like Nivea?

[Adam Carolla]

I just. Yeah, yeah. Just went like, you know what? I'm gonna pamper my nutsack.

[Producer]

Put a little Nivea on the nards. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing that's funny about the nutsack.

[Producer]

Everything, everything's funny. It's a very funny body part.

[Adam Carolla]

The actual testicles are wildly sensitive, but the skin around it you could put a cigarette out on and not feel it. Yeah. Like the skin itself is earlobe esque in terms of its sensitivity, but once you get on the other side of skin, you get to the nut sac. That's. You get to the actual testes. That's where the pain kicks in.

[Producer]

I do an extensive bit again because I'm ahead of the curb always. That it's that a nice bunny rub really is about the support and getting through the lobe and getting into the sensitive part. That there's a particular science and style to. I mean, a bad ball handle will end the game, but a good one, a good one really contributes.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's part of the process for you, is to give a little attention to the nutsack.

[Producer]

Yeah, I think it's a very underrated erotic zone.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Producer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See, I'm not too particular. I feel like, leave them out. I'll treat the nutsack like the kids. Put them out of the bedroom. Lock the door.

[Producer]

Okay, fair enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get to business.

[Producer]

That's okay. Good to know.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, just FYI, Just putting it out there. Just putting it out there.

[Dawson]

You never know who's listening for an ad read. Mayhem Medicated Nut Rub.

[Adam Carolla]

So. All right, so you cleaned it up a ton for your dry bar special.

[Producer]

I mean, I did a corporate thing last night. I can work Disney clean.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good.

[Producer]

I just go bananas in clubs when it's appropriate. I read my audience.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I listen. The problem is a lot of people can go one way, but they can't go back the other way into the clean direction, you know, so being able to get that dry bar clean for you, which I know has Paid great dividends. Unbelievable.

[Producer]

It's changed my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Changed your life financially or what?

[Producer]

Not so much financially yet. And when I say yet, I have a lot of inquiries because, you know, the booking world, people book six, eight, ten months out, but when they see something getting hundreds, literally hundreds of millions of views, you know, because the shares tick up and tick up. I've had people send me screenshots where their civilian friends, comedians say, my friend didn't even know I knew you. They reposted you. Somebody reposted with 10,000 InstaFollowers, reposted a video with the banner protect this woman at all costs. And it got 2.2 million views on his page. It's been incredible. People are like, she needs a TED Talk. She's a prophet. You know, it's been, it's been unbelievable for my self confidence because I've been preaching, when I say preaching, I've been saying the same thing in a hundred different ways for 15 years, which is, don't pretend that people are gonna act different because you want it to be so, so strongly. These are facts. You're gonna hit a wall. It's not gonna go well, let it be. And now people are like, she. Somebody posted on X Monique cracked the code in three minutes and became legend. Like, I'm not even kidding. And all I've said is leave a man alone. You know, like, just let him be. This is the way he is. He's not gonna, he's not gonna nivea his nards, you know, he's gonna be the way he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, it's an age old thing, women trying to get guys to be a certain way. The reality is people fake being a different way at the beginning and then they go back to what they were, but they're not really going back to it. That's who they are.

[Producer]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you have to. My friend, the great Dennis Prager just says people are a package, you know, and the package, they come as a package. And then you kind of go, look, there's a bunch of stuff I like about that person. And then there's a couple of things where they fall short.

[Producer]

And that's your opinion and your judgment. Even to say that they fall short. It's like. It's a characteristic you don't like.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I will say it's not all subjective or objective or subjective. It's all one of those two things. It's not all subjective. It's like, look, you can have an employee and he can consistently show up late and that's not your opinion. That's just your life partner.

[Producer]

But with a life partner.

[Adam Carolla]

But the guy does a hell of a job once he gets here.

[Producer]

Amen.

[Adam Carolla]

And then so you go, I don't like this guy. Cause he's always showing up late. But then you go, yeah, but he kicks ass when he gets here. And that's just kind of part of the package. Now. I want to. I'd like to live in a world where that guy kicked ass when he got here. And then also could be coached up not to be late.

[Producer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But you do have to accept people as sort of packages.

[Producer]

But the coached up. I mean, you put it in a man. Coached up is what a man says. What a lady says is, you know, p. Whipped or, you know, retrained or, you know, encouraged. Encouraged.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. Listen, I think it's fine. I've had many a woman say, oh, could you not bring your shoes into the bedroom? You know, kick them off when you walk in the front door.

[Producer]

That's not a big thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a big thing. But it's something to do.

[Producer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That I don't want to do.

[Producer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't normally do, or I wouldn't do if I was alone. And I try to keep it in my mind to kick the shoes off when I come in the front door.

[Producer]

Yeah. Shoes off, toilet seat down. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

There's like. There's stuff. It's not the end of the world.

[Producer]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I think a little. You're not gonna change who the person's essence is.

[Producer]

Not even close.

[Adam Carolla]

But I think we can. There's room around the edges for little things that you may want them to do. Little tweaks, you know, things that involve parking cars and things like that. You know what I mean? I got you leaving keys in certain places so you can move the car. You know, it's just easy. Well, easy for you. But a lot of people have a lot of difficulty with it. And I'll tell you a thing. I think I grew up getting yelled at by coaches to do it different than how I was doing it.

[Producer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And so for me, when somebody goes, here's what to do, I don't really push back, and I don't really take it as an offense. I actually take it as they're taking the time to tell me how to do stuff. But when I deal with people never played sports or never had that, they start pushing back. They get argumentative, and they get insecure about it.

[Producer]

Can I break that down for you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Producer]

Two main Things you've said. And when I'm on this show, you teach me, Adam, which is why I come back. I really like you. It's not about how many people listen. That's wonderful. But you talked last time I was here about taking a job, and they offered you a better job for more pay, but the guy was your friend, and he ended up being a dick. And he rode you. And you knew that you were gonna get a job. You were talking about ability and how you've never doubted your ability.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Jan Zetterberg, my foreman, when I was doing earthquake rehab work.

[Producer]

And I remembered that story because I think one of the reasons we get on. I've never doubted my intelligence or my ability. If I want to master something, I will. If I want to be good at something, I will. So if somebody's trying to help me, as you say, I don't become oppositional because I'm already secure. Yes, in my ability. I think that a lot of insecure people, maybe they haven't mastered a sport. Maybe nobody's coached them at any time in their lives. I think some people are opposite. It's an actual medical term. Oppositional.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they have oppositional defiance disorder.

[Producer]

It's a thing.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing better than a tip, you know? I had a nanny for 18 years, raised my kids, and one day I used to like to get cream, and I got it in a glass jar, and you'd have to rinse it out at some point, like return it or something. And I was putting the end of the cream, you know, in my coffee cup. And Olga said, hey, dump in the hot coffee from the pot, into the container and shake it up. Get all that cream that's built up at the top, on the lid and at the bottom. Get it all out of there and then dump that in. And I was like, yeah, use all the cream.

[Dawson]

Good, good.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. That's. Now I'm going.

[Producer]

It's a hack.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't go, this how I do it, bitch. I just went, good. That's good. And then she told me once she made a bunch of food and had everything sitting in Tupperware and left it out on the counter and then left. And I was like, that's not like her. Why'd she leave all the food out? And then she left, you know? Well, it turned out it was hot, and she didn't want to go in.

[Producer]

The fridge and sweat condensation.

[Adam Carolla]

So then when I started making food, she was like, yeah, don't put it away when it's still hot. Leave it out, let it cool down, and then put it away. I was like, thank you. Thank you. Fine with it.

[Dawson]

See, but you were okay with constructive criticism.

[Producer]

A lot of times it wasn't even criticism. She was giving him a hack.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what people. Yeah, I. It's interesting because I don't. I wish we could remove criticism from constructive criticism. It's really. It's a tip. It's a shortcut.

[Producer]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's a way to get there faster.

[Producer]

I agreed it. Go ahead. May have.

[Dawson]

In the fight world, like, you know, dude, I have to Rango Panthers, and I have to tell a dude who could sock me up and beat me up.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Dawson]

This is how you punch. This is how you choke the guy. This is, you know, And I have to update his software in a delicate way so that it gets through to him and he doesn't rebel against it. It's a whole mental game to be able to tell somebody that they're doing.

[Producer]

It wrong or there's a better way to do it.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Yeah. The first step is recognizing that you're dropping your hand before you throw the right hand, you know?

[Producer]

Got it.

[Dawson]

I have to stick you in a mirror. No, you need to be able to update your software on your own.

[Producer]

My dad coached me, as you say, from the time I was a child. He said, monique, defer to the bigger brain. He said, 90% of the time, you're going to be the smartest person in the room. You're very bright. That being said, when you sense that somebody knows more than you, shut up. Defer to the bigger brain. Learn. Take the opportunity. You already know what you know. Find out what other people know.

[Dawson]

You're everybody's teacher and everybody's student.

[Producer]

Agreed?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's a weird thing that's going on, which is not, you know, it's not just sort of. It's not just local. It's sort of global. Like, you hear all these dumbass politicians that go on, they go, what's Elon Musk? No, Nothing. He's an idiot. He doesn't know anything. It's like, maybe he knows something. Maybe he knows something. Some stuff you can say I disagree with him. Here's an angle I'd like to take, but just yelling. He's an idiot. He knows nothing. I don't know. How many cars or rockets or roads. How many mountains have you bored through, bitch? It's like, what is this new world order? I have it a lot. I'll have people stand in my Warehouse. Go. You don't even know what you're doing. I'll go. Well, we're in my warehouse, are we not? You have an apartment, right? Yes. Okay. We're not in your apartment. We're in my warehouse. So maybe I know something. Like enough to get a warehouse. Let's say I'm impressed. More than one warehouse. Something. I'm not saying I know everything. I'm saying maybe there's some things I know, and I could probably impart some of those things to you if you would like to hear them. But most. The mentorship thing is kind of dying on the vine. It's an old. It's something that used to exist, and we decided the kids knew it all, and somehow old people didn't know anything or were bad or whatever.

[Producer]

Old dogs. You can learn from your Frenchie. It's interesting you should say that in the verbiage that you're using, because what I find is that the kids. And part of my massive success in sharing is people under 30 and predominantly young women under 25.

[Adam Carolla]

In comedy or in general?

[Producer]

In general. Because, I mean, I am a comedian, but I've done radio, television, you know, such as yourself, many things. And people are finding old videos or old podcasts or old KFI shows and listening. Because once they find me, then they dig. They go into the archives, and I find that what the young people. And I. And I feel foolish even saying young people, Gen Z, X, whatever letter we're on. Young people. It's a matter of. It's. It's a sniff test. They've had so much thrown at them their entire lives on social media. That and Tinder, They. They sniff you. If you smell right, if you smell honest, if you smell authentic, if your brand is genuine, then they're in and they're on and they're. And they trust you. And once you have their trust, then they ask. They don't ask. Hey, can you mentor me? I've got a whole thing I'm starting up that I'm literally calling cosmic hacks. And one of my big callbacks in my standup is, I wish I had a me when I was a you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Producer]

And I address young women directly and I say, go live your life. I say, you want. You want to get a man? And they look at me. Yeah, you really, really want to get a man? Yeah. Don't get a life. Make yourself interesting to a man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. No, agreed. Make yourself a more attractive target.

[Producer]

Absolutely. Don't. This whole. There's a sort of. I'm not blaming the Kardashians, but they've certainly promulgated it. There's this whole materialistic, transactional, you know, sort of mindset towards relationships that has nothing to do with, hey, you know what? You're a smart guy, I'm a smart girl, we get along, we love each other. Let's build something together. Let's. Let me support you and your endeavors and you support me in my endeavors. And sometimes I'm going to be doing better than you. It's not like, hey, I'm doling out blowies for a Chanel bag. Anybody buying? You know what I mean? Like, I feel very weirded out when I talk to people about their value structure, and it seems so far afield.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of kfi.

[Producer]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Controversial subject. I was driving around with Mike August once and we were listening to you on KFI and he said, I think I hooked up with her once.

[Producer]

He did. At the Montreal Comedy Festival.

[Adam Carolla]

The Montreal Comedy Festival. Can you walk us through that?

[Dawson]

Mike August, my main character over here.

[Producer]

Since that time.

[Adam Carolla]

We're driving back from a gig.

[Producer]

I'm honored.

[Adam Carolla]

And we were listening to KFI and you came on and you said your name, and Mike was just sitting there and he goes, monique Marvin. I think I hooked up with her once.

[Producer]

He did. It wasn't the full two point takedown. I was raised a Catholic girl, so it takes a long time for the two point takedown. But I'm an amazing heavy petter. Take you to the edge, roll around, you're gonna lose your mind over me situation.

[Dawson]

I thought you're gonna tell us the poop hole loophole.

[Producer]

No. No.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, I heard Mike has a pretty big hawk. Oh, my God. That was the. That was always the word on the street.

[Producer]

I'm. I'm. I neither defy, you know, deny nor confirm.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. But there was a hookup with Mike.

[Producer]

Yeah. And it was. And it was. And there was some other prominent individual who. Because I was in a suite at the Four Seasons. What year was this in 1992.

[Adam Carolla]

You're about to tell us you're in the Four Season. Montreal.

[Producer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

For the comedy festival.

[Producer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike was out there representing, starting out.

[Producer]

Yeah. He's a young guy. Very young, very cute, delightful.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He looked like Fred Ward.

[Producer]

He was really.

[Adam Carolla]

People know the actor Fred Ward.

[Producer]

Yeah. I like his vibe. He had a great vibe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer]

So I'm a vibe person.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys are out there making the scene, eating dinner, having, you know, everyone's young and single.

[Producer]

Yeah. And I'm in A foreign land. I was cute. Cute, Cute.

[Adam Carolla]

You're both cute. You're both young. You're both giving each other off American soil.

[Producer]

Giving the eye.

[Adam Carolla]

Giving the eye.

[Producer]

At dinner, I was pretty sure he didn't have a lady in his life. I did not have a man.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it a dinner, like a William Morris thing or comedy festival thing?

[Producer]

I think it was. It was definitely a professional thing because I didn't pick up a check the whole time I was in Montreal. You know, I mean, it just. I got lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

Drinks are flowing.

[Producer]

Yeah. And I might have at that time. I remember I'm not a drinker, but I would have, like a Kier Royale with the gang. That was my drink of choice in the 90s.

[Adam Carolla]

And then at some point, it's back up to the suite.

[Producer]

Yeah. And I had a girlfriend traveling with me acting as my de facto assistant. Just because a woman alone, I just wanted to have, you know, a winged person. So I took a friend of mine's daughter who was much younger than me and very cute, and. And she hooked up with somebody else.

[Adam Carolla]

You probably know, who was traveling with Mike.

[Producer]

Friends with Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

Friends with Mike.

[Producer]

And. And I was a. I. I thought that they were just doing the. The heavy pet, whatever. Mike and I did our, you know, had a great time. And he left. And then I went to sleep. And because it was a big suite, it was nice. I still had a date, a high paying day job. So I went. I went full. I went full monty. I didn't stay at the Delta where they would have put me up. I stayed at a suite at the Four Seasons.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, you had a high paying day job at the time?

[Producer]

I still had a high paying day job. In Miami.

[Adam Carolla]

In Miami, yeah. Wait, what was your day job?

[Producer]

I sold medical malpractice insurance to doctors.

[Adam Carolla]

Something medical, but I couldn't figure out.

[Producer]

I sold professional liability to doctors.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you had a good daytime job. You're. You're moonlighting in comedy at that point.

[Producer]

Right. But working hard, working hard, doing a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

And that other person was John Cena Stewart.

[Producer]

I'm not gonna say I met John that year. He was lovely. We hung out. But yeah, no, I'm not gonna. But yeah, I heard some slappy sounds, and when I woke up, this other person that was part of, like all of us hanging out and the girl that I brought with me, who at the time was quite young, Lewis Black. I'm not saying. I'll tell you off air and you'll laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Producer]

But, you know, we've never Discussed it. The other person has never said, oh, yeah, I'm sorry I hooked up with your super young semi assistant, but I'm sorry, did I? No, you've seen him after that many times. He's in the industry. You know him well, I'm sure.

[Dawson]

Jerry Seinfeld.

[Producer]

Nope. But. But yeah, Mike is correct. And his name's.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy a talent or a manager?

[Producer]

Manager.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Dawson]

Narrowed it down there.

[Adam Carolla]

Narrowed it down.

[Producer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Producer]

And. And it's. And I know that my friend Jimmy Steele, that was back in the day, was a big program director, also mentioned Mike because Mike was working. He was a program director of power and at hot, like big, you know, Ms. Communications. And Jimmy was like, yeah, you should talk about a podcast. This was a long time ago when podcasting, he's like, you'd be great on a podcast. You should talk to my friend Mike August. And I told Jimmy Steele, I said, I hooked up with him once in Montreal. That might be awkward.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the story, you know, did he remember?

[Producer]

Did he speak fondly of me?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. He started to recline the seat I was driving, you know, I said, mike, we're almost at my house. So he pulled it back together. But yeah, I remember that. I didn't know whether to say anything or not, but I feel it was organic. We're talking about guys and hooking up and that's the old days and all that stuff.

[Producer]

It was authentic. See, that's the thing about when I say I. I've never been transactional. My father told me when I was a very young woman, he said, monique, I can forgive you being a happy go lucky slut, but I will never forgive you being a. And I knew the difference and I knew what he meant.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad imparted a lot of wisdom, man.

[Producer]

I have a. I have a line in my one woman show where I said, my dad left me nothing except everything I am.

[Dawson]

Oh, that's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's nice.

[Producer]

True fact.

[Adam Carolla]

So he ended up dying sort of poor and had some affairs.

[Producer]

And my father was a womanizer.

[Adam Carolla]

A womanizer.

[Producer]

A womanizer. He did. Towards the end of his life, he did a little bit better. He, you know, he got a little smarter as he got older and he died of a congestive heart failure, which is completely avoidable. But my dad used to always say, when he was a young man, he would say, I'm going to live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse. And I would say, number one, don't keep saying that you're going to speak it into being. And number two, I don't know how you can do that because you're not good looking now. And that was like our running joke for most of his life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Corpses traditionally don't get better looking.

[Producer]

No. And he considered himself. Now that I love Mad Men. And I think it's because I think my dad considered himself sort of the Hispanic Don Draper. He was an architect. He wore suits. He was, you know, he had a lot going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Did your dad. Is your mom around?

[Producer]

She is.

[Adam Carolla]

When your dad died, I'm trying to figure out who got less. When your dad died, did he leave you anything?

[Producer]

No, I actually paid for things towards the end of his life. Cause I was doing morning radio in San Diego and making a lot of money when radio still paid.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't have like a old Chevelle in the garage or a player piano.

[Producer]

No, but you would have loved football machines, something. Oh, Don Dre for.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but listen, you don't. No, it's unnecessary to put up pictures of a guy we know.

[Producer]

But here's what. Here's what my dad did, which was phenomenal. This is what he left me with, like six weeks before he died. He knew he was dying. He went and leased a brand new Cadillac, like.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Producer]

You know, and we ate at this place, Pasta in Miami that was run, owned by the mob. They only took cash. And we watched World Cup. And he ate, you know, seafood pasta full of, you know, everything that was killing him and drank a Negroni and. And I mean, he really did do it his way. Towards the end. He got mad. He didn't want it. The last two weeks, he was pissed he was dying. I think he thought at some point he was Carlos E. Marvez. He'd pull out of the nosedive. But up until a few weeks before he died, my dad lived exactly the way he wanted to live.

[Adam Carolla]

And he didn't collect butterflies or books or tools. Nothing. He had no worldly possessions.

[Producer]

Well, I mean, I had a younger stepmother. Oh. She just got everything. Oh, but there was really nothing. She got a mortgage and some amazing watercolors. He was a great painter.

[Adam Carolla]

A great painter.

[Producer]

Great painter.

[Adam Carolla]

So she has it all, but not much.

[Producer]

Not much. Not much at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she pass?

[Producer]

No, she was much younger. She remarried and lives in Atlanta.

[Adam Carolla]

Would anyone get a house?

[Producer]

She had. Yes, they had a house, but had a mortgage. Yeah, but big mortgage. Yeah, but I think she sold for profit.

[Adam Carolla]

500 grand worth of equity.

[Producer]

Absolutely. I'm sure she. I'm sure she walked with some money, but you Know what, Adam? She took amazing care of my dad the last two years of his life. When his heart was failing, when he had a hard time walking.

[Adam Carolla]

So you got on with her.

[Producer]

I loved her. And my brothers were not keen on the plan that she would end up with everything. And I'm like, do you know what? Round the clock home health care for a heart patient. And she loves him. She's not just bathing, she loves him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I didn't get anything from my parents, but they married, remarried younger, and I'm like, do you know what? First off, it's a full time job taking care of my parents even when their health is perfect. They're so fucking lazy and useless that literally you had to take care of them when they were fine. You know what I'm saying?

[Producer]

I had to take no care of my father. My stepmother did everything. That's priceless.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? And it's not about being aged and pushed around a wheelchair. I'm talking about when my dad was in his 40s. He needed somebody to do whatever the stuff of life was, you know? And so same with my mom. That's why they couldn't stay married. Because there's like two people staring at each other going, take the trash out. You take the trash. I'm not taking it. I'm not doing anything. And so those. It's weird. It's like moody people can't be. They can't have two moody people.

[Producer]

Suns and moons.

[Adam Carolla]

You have one moody person and one normal person, Carlos. They fucking hate each other almost immediately. And you can't have two lazy people together. That's zero. One person needs to be an effective person and the other person can lounge around on the sofa all day. So both my stepparents took care of my biological parents for the last 40 years of their life because they never were effective.

[Producer]

Are they both gone?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but the stepparents remain. But they got whatever there was. But that's fine with me because they earned whatever they put their time in.

[Producer]

My dad again would say, monique, there's. He didn't say there's two kinds of people. Like everybody. He said, monique, there's suns and moons. Suns reflect their. I mean, it's a sun. Think of the sun. It's energy, it's. He said, you can have two sons together and they actually do amazing things. But that's a power couple. Two sons. He said, but you can't have two moons.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? The problem with the two moons theory is one of the moons thinks the other one's a moon and doesn't think they're a moon always. That's always the problem.

[Producer]

Always.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said this, I've had it happen a million times. There's people who are difficult people. I won't call them assholes, I'll just say they're difficult. And then there's a lot of people that are just kind of difficult. And when somebody comes into the orbit and that person's difficult, the other difficult person's like, I can't stand that bitch anymore. And it's like, right, because you're difficult.

[Producer]

Yeah, yeah, you get to be the one.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a pain in the ass. Right, You're a pain in the ass. You're not flexible and you can't deal with the other pain in the ass. I've seen it. I've worked with difficult people, had difficult people come in and work with us and all the difficult people can't stand that person. I'm fine with them, cuz I'm like, look, I get it, they're pain in the ass, but let's just go do it. I mean, there's a way to deal with the pain in the ass people, but I always got off along fine with them. And the difficult person never knows they're difficult and they always think it's the other person and they don't realize that we got two moons in the same solar system and that's why it's not working.

[Producer]

Exactly, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

But they'll never work it out. They'll never really realize that because it's.

[Producer]

They've got to own it. You've got to own it. You've got to step out of delusion. And in fact, I have a dear friend, we're starting a podcast called Friends with Privileges because he's a PhD psychologist. I think of you because I feel, I want to say it's an homage in some ways to love lines. But that being said, great show. I asked Dr. Greg all the time, we're dear friends. I said, my biggest fear is that I'm delusional or that I think I'm easygoing or low maintenance or kind and I'm not as those things as I think. And he goes, no, Monique, you are. I would tell you in a heartbeat because you've asked and you care and you want to know because again with the coaching up, like I would want to know if something I say doesn't reflect those values.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, one must consider, as I do oftentimes, like there's people in your life you parted ways with, they have a problem with you, there's a situation, there's an issue, and then you have to go, well, it's happened more than once to me, so what is my role in this interaction? Might I be the moon? Let's try to figure this out. And you think about people like you brought up loveline. I've known Dr. Drew for 30 years. I never have an issue with Dr. Drew. But Dr. Drew is easy. He's very far from a difficult person. So there'll never be any problems with Dr. Drew for a million years. And he doesn't really. We never have issues. I talk to him almost every day.

[Producer]

I love that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I like him.

[Producer]

He's your friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he's smart. He has interesting thoughts. But then there's people I don't think I'm ever gonna talk to ever again. But then you have to kind of go, well, how much of that is.

[Producer]

You know what I was just gonna ask, and the parting of the ways with these people. Do you think, and I'm going to ask you a legit question, you just outgrew them? Do you think sometimes people would rather quit than be fired? That when you're leveling up, when you're changing your life, when you've decided, hey, you know what, that behavior doesn't serve me. I'm leveling up. They don't think they're going to go on the journey with you, so they start picking fights.

[Adam Carolla]

I do, I have a, you know, a saying which is, whatever happens to you, you'll do it to yourself. Everyone's always constantly sort of sabotaging their own way. And all the people that I've had fallings out with, it's been their sort of way, their decision. I asked myself, I asked this hypothetical question with all who this has happened with, and they can ask it and you can ask it, and it's a two way street. But almost every person I don't talk to anymore, the question is, is if I were never born, what would your life be like? And the answer would be different because of what I contributed or brought them or financially, whatever.

[Producer]

You're me and boy, if you were.

[Adam Carolla]

Never born, my life would be exactly the fucking same. Would not be any different at all if you were never born. Everything would be exactly the same for me. If I was ever born, your life would be very different. So think about that.

[Dawson]

You're running around wonderful, lifing everybody.

[Producer]

No, I'm an to tell you what. What? From my perspective, what you just said, which is the key to my three failed marriages And I repeat, it's because I'm Hispanic and Catholic and I couldn't just shack up and bang people. It just wasn't part of my inculcation. That has changed dramatically, by the way. But that being said, I, I. This is going to be so harsh. I met people and on the surface, like you say, the package was shiny and bright and it looked like it had really possibility.

[Adam Carolla]

Young Mike August. A young Mike August.

[Producer]

There was possibility. And I went with the possibility and not of the reality of what was the remainder of what was in the box. And, you know, I. My first husband, I was a child. I was high school sweethearts. And he became a CPA on my watch. I went to junior college. I worked for Lancome Cosmetics, and I paid, and he became a CPA during the course of our marriage, my second husband became a pilot. I put him through flight school.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Producer]

And, yeah. And you know, and my third husband, I basically married him because I wanted a child. I did very well on his watch. And I had to pay almost a quarter million dollars to be rid of him, even though we weren't even married four years and I had no children.

[Adam Carolla]

So you marry in California?

[Producer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how they roll.

[Producer]

Yeah. And I didn't have a prenup. So the upshot is, you know, I always want to do better, be better, learn more.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he take that money?

[Producer]

Oh, my goodness, yes. I had to send him a check for $3,500 a month for two years, aside from the initial settlement. And then this was before ACA and he had a pre existing condition, so I had to pay $700 a month insurance.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, what's ACA?

[Producer]

Affordable Care Act.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Producer]

So I had to pay his. I had to pay him out.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he ever have any thoughts about being an able bodied male and accepting money from you?

[Producer]

No, no. He wanted more. And in fact, now that my videos have gone viral, he called my money manager.

[Adam Carolla]

I love these guys. Who are these people? Dignity.

[Producer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, Character. Yeah.

[Producer]

And I wish him. Is he no harm?

[Adam Carolla]

Could he be gainfully employed?

[Producer]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Does he need your money? I mean, if he applied himself.

[Producer]

No, no, he didn't need it. And I'm going to tell you a story that I've never publicly told, but I want people to hear. A decision made in fear is a bad decision. And I'm responsible for myself. And I married him, Adam, because I wanted a child. I was not in love. I rushed it. I did a bad, stupid thing as a woman. No, I don't. When I met him. I was 40 and the clock was ticking and I went through the whole vetting, dating. Let's do this real fast.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you know you weren't in love with him?

[Producer]

I know what. I've been in love. I know what it feels like. I did love him and I did like him. And if he was 7% nicer, we might still be together, you know, truly. But I made a bad decision and I realized it. And having had a challenging childhood because of my parents divorces, within months of marrying him, not only did I stop giving myself shots in the leg, I went. I quietly went back on the pill.

[Adam Carolla]

Shots in the leg to get pregnant, Correct.

[Producer]

Yeah, that I. That I quietly went back on the pill and said, let me focus on the marriage.

[Adam Carolla]

You quietly went back on the pill?

[Producer]

Yeah. And then. And I said. And I wasn't even going to jettison him, even though I'd made a decision based on having a child. I said, look, I'm married. He's a decent, loving human being.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he have a profession?

[Producer]

Not a good one, but he had a well paying job. But as soon as I started making. I mean I.

[Adam Carolla]

Something in construction.

[Dawson]

Yeah, you wanted a baby with the Jiffy Lube guy.

[Producer]

No, no, he was, he was in law enforcement.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Producer]

He was in law enforcement. So it wasn't high paying and it was respectable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure.

[Producer]

So, you know, but the upshot is I said, let me work on the marriage and maybe I'll just be married and not have a child. And he has a child from a previous relationship and his daughter loved me. So it's like, let me focus on mining the good. But when that was not possible, I sat him down and I said, look, I'm not mad at you. You've done nothing wrong. But I'm not happy. This isn't working. And I made him an offer. I wrote out on a napkin like, you can have this and this and this and I'll pay you this. And I think this is fair and righteous.

[Adam Carolla]

You were doing comedy. Was doing pretty good by then.

[Producer]

Well, I was making $500,000 a year. I was doing Morning Drive in San Diego. I'd won a contest called the Million Dollar Morning Show Contest. I won a contest and replaced Jeff and Jer when they left kfmb.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You won that?

[Producer]

I did win that contest.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was on the air on KPLN at the time. They were running that Million Dollar.

[Producer]

I won it and they did pay me a million dollars. And it was me and Greg Sims and the show who's now on K Earth, who I adore. And the show was called Monique and the Man.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God, that's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

I was driving, listening to Jeff and Jer and Mike August was like, I think I hooked up with Jer.

[Producer]

That could be. He always seemed very sensitive.

[Adam Carolla]

Every someone came on the radio.

[Producer]

Yeah. It's like, yeah, I won that contest. I was like, I'd only had one other job in radio and I won that contest. The show was called Monique and the Man. It was fabulous. I. I did very well. I took the station from 13 to 1 and 4 books. Radio people know that's like, unheard of.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Producer]

And had all kinds of endorsements. And then I got a development deal with Dick Wolf at NBC Universal to kind of do my own sitcom and. And made it all the way to the end. I was beat by 30 rock. So I. There's no shame in that. So I was. And I had a book deal with Louise Hay to write sort of a Comedian's Guide to a Funny. Like, I was minting money. But I was working 17 to 20 hours. I'm not even kidding. I barely slept. I was getting up at 3:40, taking intermittent naps, going to bed at 11 and this. And he quit his job. And he said, if I'm not available to you when you have a few minutes free, we'll never see each other. And he proceeded to become like a La Jolla house husband and do almost next to nothing. And I. And I'm going to tell you the breaking point because it's important. And I don't. You know, I'm a private person in some ways, but I think people need to hear these things. I was working on my script. I've got a headset on because it's back in the day, you know, before we had your sitcom script. Yeah. So I'm working on script.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer]

And I'm. And I'm thinking about the radio show the next day, and I've got some hard deadlines and, you know, I'm kind of piecing together because things would just go in buckets, like sitcom bucket, book bucket, radio show bucket. And I'm working and I said, I'm really hungry. Could you make me something to eat? Like some vegetables or something? And this is the guy that's not working allegedly to take care of me and be supportive. And he put a towel down and put a pot of burnt green beans next to me. And I just started to cry because I'm like, I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I'm making money hand over fist and, you know, giving money to your daughter and et cetera, et cetera. And you put down a pot of burnt green beans. And Adam, I questioned myself. I said, what doubt what. What damage is in your head that you've put yourself in a position that you think this, that you deserve this, that this is in your movie? Yeah, well, I love the Matrix. I was like, how is this in your movie that you're supporting? You become an ATM to everyone you love, and you are being given burnt green beans. Like, get out of that prison, girl.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm glad you left.

[Producer]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing about people and what they don't do, you try to contrast it to what you do for them. There is no amount. I mean, you're talking about 500k a year. You could be talking about 5 million a year. It doesn't move their needle. They are who they are. It's almost like a pet. Your pet doesn't know if you're royalty or you're homeless. When you come, you know, when you walk through the door, they're happy to see you or they're not, but it just is like this notion you start thinking about. You go, I'm on the road every weekend. I'm busting my butt. I'm killing myself. And I come home and there's nothing in the fridge, you know, and you go, and you don't even have a job. You can't try to ever put it on a scale. It'll never scale out. It'll never work. There many, many, many more people who have husbands or wives who make way less, who do way more. And it's not about stacking up what you do versus what they do, because that math will never work.

[Producer]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

That's one of those people. And those people have no. You think they have some. You see it through your prism. Your prism is if this guy was getting up at four in the morning and going in and then coming home and doing this and giving my daughter money and I quit my job and blah, blah, blah, you'd see it through. Your prism would be like, oh, man, I better have dinner on the table. When this person. I'm gonna give them a back rub while they eat. That's your prison. Correct. That is not their prison. No, it is at fucking all. And they have a way of twisting, distorting, and dementing things. And it's insane. Like. And I don't know, I found with guys, there's a syndrome where their mom took too good a care of them and when their mommy put them on a pedestal, that creates that. I've had them for roommates. I've had them for partners. I've tried to do business with these guys. When you got a mama that loves you a little too much, then everyone is supposed to be running around doing. You basically lift your legs as the vacuum cleaner of life comes under your feet and somebody hands you another cold one. That's what they look.

[Dawson]

The prince syndrome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. They're the worst roommates you'll ever find.

[Producer]

They're not great husbands.

[Adam Carolla]

Myself, they're bad husbands. They're bad business partners. They're just bad. And they see things through some sort of twisted lens that always favors themselves sense of entitlement. And it's a weird to you. It's mind numbing. Like you cannot. Like I talk. This warehouse had one of these guys, my friend, and this is my warehouse. And I bought this warehouse. And I pay the mortgage, I pay the electric bill, I pay everything on it. He moved in with like 5 of his junker cars and his cousin's junker cars and all the parts on it. They literally took up my entire warehouse.

[Producer]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And I had one of my cars parked there and he had his car back there on the hoist. Told the story. Before I bought a hoist, 10 minutes after I bought it, he put his car on it, took it apart.

[Producer]

Took the hoist apart or took the car?

[Adam Carolla]

Car. Oh, car would fall if he took the hoist apart.

[Producer]

Yeah. But you never know.

[Adam Carolla]

You never know with these people. So there his car sat on the hoist and had been now a few years. And at some point I said to him, you think you can get your car off of my hoist so I could use my hoist that I bought, I've never used, and have a little respect. And he goes, you got your car back there? Yeah, I have my car in my warehouse in amongst you and all your cousins stuff that you're keeping here for free. But I pay for the warehouse. I own the warehouse.

[Dawson]

You said it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I did.

[Dawson]

Okay, good.

[Adam Carolla]

But the point is, how bent is your prism?

[Producer]

That that's your response?

[Adam Carolla]

They go through life thinking that way. And if you marry that, God help you. There's not enough. There's not enough goodwill and all your, here's what I do, here's what I pay for. Here's when I, you know, I get up at 4 in the morning, you sleep till noon. It doesn't matter.

[Producer]

No, you are correct.

[Adam Carolla]

It does not matter.

[Producer]

You have burnt green beans. Because people always Burn beans. What was the tipping point? And it was the burnt green beans on a towel.

[Adam Carolla]

It reminds me of that time I'm driving along with Mike August and Paul Harvey comes on the radio and Mike goes, oh, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, Paul Harvey. He's like, yep, I got them all.

[Producer]

I, I, one of these days I think that you should have me back and not tell Mike August I'm here.

[Dawson]

And that's the rest of the story.

[Adam Carolla]

And now you know the rest of the story. Now he obviously had an encounter with Paul Harvey. That was back in the day. He said Paul was in his 60s. You know, he was not as old as he was.

[Producer]

And I bet he would, Paul would confirm the hog. Oh yeah, because he always, he always.

[Adam Carolla]

Told you the whole story and now you know. Yeah, yeah, he'll be missed. All right. I was in Cleveland doing shows. Paul Harvey was like from Cleveland or some Cincinnati. I did a show somewhere and there's like a Paul Harvey, you know, plaque or something. And I just have some vague recollection. But anyway, all right, take a break, come back, do some news. Let's do it right after this. Homes.com oh man, you got to check out homes.com. you want to know what's going on with homes, your neighborhood, or outside of your neighborhood? You got to go with homes.com. and some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. And it may be because of homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site. That's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. Homes.com homes.com We've done your homework. Shopify. Well, you're starting a business. It can be intimidating. Lots to think about in this modern world. Finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything can be such a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand style. You'll be able to get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling. And best yet, Shopify Is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify, right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

Shows you love for free on Pluto tv. Say Wetna Showtime. That means drama is free with heart wrenching stories from love and basketball power and Greenleaf. In this family we live by the spirit and laughter is free with gut busting comedies like Pee and Peele, the neighborhood Everybody hates Chris and Boomerang. Watch all the hits all for free from all your favorite devices.

[Producer]

Oh my God, I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream. Now pay never.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Adam, it's Lori from Folk Raton where you were this winter. I saw your show at the box. Good stuff. Anyway, the other day I was in a very big argument over someone just not performing up to snuff. And they said, I'm doing my best. And I said to them, don't do your best, do my best. And I thought of you. And then I realized, hmm, you know, maybe that was inappropriate to say to my 84 year old mother. Thoughts?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, nice button on that story. All right, Monique, where should people go? I know you got dates coming up all over the place.

[Producer]

I do. I'm very excited about doing Jimmy Kimmel's place. I've never done it before.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be June 13 and 14 in Las Vegas. Yep. Good club.

[Producer]

And June 16, right after that, I'm in the Houston Improv doing a charity event that benefits. It's a scholarship. It's a very nice event. So Houston on Monday after father's day. And then I have a couple of other things I'll check in on my website. So just go to moniquemarvez.com, but Kimmel's is the one I'm super stoked about, so please come see me there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, good club. All right, what do you got?

[Dawson]

All right, first up, Ben and Jerry's co founder arrested protesting senate hearing. He says RFK kills people with hate.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't, I don't get all the pushback with rfk, but all right, we'll listen.

[Producer]

Reminded disruptions will not be permitted.

[Adam Carolla]

While the committee conducts its business, Capitol Police are asked to remove the individuals from the hearing room. We're in a weird place in our society where everyone is pushing their opinion out 247 about everything all the time. It doesn't really move the needle. I know. That's the Ben and Jerry guy. It's also weird how late in life people are hanging on to stuff. Like when you see those protests, like, I don't know, a couple months ago, they'd be out front of the Tesla dealership. I'm seeing women in their mid-70s just, like, screaming into the camera lens. And I'm like, you, grandma. Like, at some point. I don't know.

[Producer]

I have a strong opinion about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Let's hear it.

[Producer]

Well, because I don't eat meat. I'm not like a. I'm a pescatarian, whatever. But I feel like the pita fish. Is that fish? Yeah, I feel like, wait, where's cheese?

[Adam Carolla]

And all dairy falls under there.

[Producer]

That's fine. Vegetarians eat.

[Adam Carolla]

So just red meat, right?

[Producer]

Yeah. I don't eat chicken. I don't eat pork. I don't eat cows. Right, whatever. But I feel that sometimes the PETA people do more harm. Like when I. When they are doing their thing, it's like, you know what now? Like, you've triggered like, I want to eat a hamburger just because you're such a jerk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Producer]

And I get what they do, but I have a theory, Adam, that things are never about the thing. It's about eight things below that. It's always a subtext. And I think that we have a lot of people that are the generation older than us that have a lot of regrets about the way they live their lives or when they stayed quiet when they should have spoken. I mean, it's like a Harry Chapin song. You know what I mean? Like, there's. There's regret and sorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Producer]

I love Chapin. And I feel like there's that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, Cat's in the cradle. And was. But he wasn't the one who was.

[Producer]

The fallen DJ of Wold. I mean, he was fantastic. Chapin sang so many songs about regret. You know, there's no tick tock on that ticking clock, and still your life goes by, you know? But he had a lot of his songs were sort of nostalgic remorse and regret. Beautiful songs. And I say that because there was a generation that, you know, just went along, stayed quiet, keep your head down, get a job, go to the you know, get a job with Benny's, be a postman and the outliers, people like you and I, the entrepreneurs or the artists or the performers or the people that took a gamble on themselves. If I died tomorrow, I'd be fine. And I have nobody. I don't. I don't feel the need to push my opinion or what I want in life on anyone because I'm just autonomous and I live my own life. But I think that all of this, a lot of this protesting on both sides has more to do with the individual than the actual event or what they think is.

[Adam Carolla]

Most of them don't even, you know, they're queers for Palestine or something. They don't even know what's going on or where Palestine is if you ask.

[Producer]

Them questions on either side.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I get it, I get it. All right, what else?

[Dawson]

All right. More than a thousand Starbucks baristas go on strike to protest a new dress code. Yeah, more than thousand.

[Producer]

Okay, there's a dress code.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what the dress code is.

[Dawson]

Well, previous code, braces wear a broad range, like different colored shirts and pattern shirts, but now it's only a black shirt and khaki, black, blue and denim trousers.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but here's what happens. Something they trust people to just have a little quiet dignity and wear things that are appropriate to work. And then some guy shows up with a T shirt, with a fist on, says the man. And then someone goes, look, okay, now we have to institute some sort of dress code. You didn't need nobody back in the day, no airline had to enforce a dress code because nobody wore fucking pajama bottoms and a sports bra and slippers onto an airplane. They would never do it. Why do you need this law? Do you know what I mean? Why would anyone need. Why would we need to. Why would we need to instate this? We don't need to, because no one would ever do this. But then people started doing it, and it's like. It's like we had to put barbed wire around the freeway signs in LA. If you drove through LA in the 50s and went, why? Why was there barbed wire there? People go, I don't know. I don't get it. Well, you have to now because we have animals painting and tagging them. So I'm sure that Starbucks probably does not want to have to institute a policy says too many assholes showed up with too many inappropriate shirts and whatever.

[Producer]

Agreed.

[Adam Carolla]

And so somebody just went, fuck it. We're gonna have to make a rule.

[Producer]

Can I tell you Graffiti anger. I don't know why graffiti angers me. Like, few things make me as mad as I am with you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you.

[Producer]

It just. I get hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Producer]

When I see something beautiful. Like, very few things upset me.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Producer]

As much as graffiti.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. Because it's a sort of low grade pain that you inflict on all of society.

[Producer]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you want to go home and kick your dog, that's between you and your dog. I don't appreciate it, but that is between you and your dog. I don't have to be exposed to this all the time everywhere. And it just. And it also creates a kind of a, you know, a sort of mid, low grade depression.

[Producer]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, like a seasonal disorder. Like, well, it's always gray outside and the sun's never shining. It's like, this is garbage. Graffiti, garbage graffiti. Homeless, homeless, garbage graffiti. And you just drive around slowly getting bummed out in your car versus, you know, people say all the time, well, how do you know? Or what's the difference? Or whatever. I go, okay, look, if you open your window in the morning and you're staring at a vista of the Pacific Ocean, that's gonna feel good.

[Producer]

Amen.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you open the curtains in the morning, you're staring at stucco of the apartment building that's four feet in front of you, you'll go, that's not. And then someone would go, well, you gotta pay extra if you want that. Okay, we've established there's a good part. The good part is you open the window and you're staring at a beautiful vista of the ocean. Okay, well, if there's a good part, then there's a bad part. And the bad part, and the opposite of the ocean would be homelessness, graffiti and garbage. That's the part that would make you less happy. If the ocean makes you more happy, then homelessness and garbage make you less happy. So now you've created a city where people drive around and get less happy.

[Producer]

Well, I'm going to take it a step further. There is a such notion as, you know, noble poverty. That doesn't really fly in our society anymore. But back in the day, you watch the Waltons, you know, not everybody has a ton of money.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Producer]

But there were neighborhoods where it was understood, we are working together, we're neighbors, we're trying to create something. We're, you know, clean up after your dog. I lived in Koreatown in the early 2000s. I had, I was not doing, I was broke comic, you know, But I had a. I lived in a lovely little building, and we all kept it clean. And like you say, I had stucco across the alley, four feet away, but it was white and it was clean, and the people painted it all the time. There was no graffiti. And, you know, even living in that neighborhood, I was very happy. Yes, it was clean and it was neighborly.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I'm with you 1000% the minute.

[Producer]

That neighborhood vibe, when graffiti to me is basically a middle finger to everyone around you of, like, my pain and my damage and my horror is worse than yours, and I'm gonna inflict it on you. They gotta be damaged people.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm gonna tell you an inspiring story. And also, you're right. And listen, and I wanna say this to all the bleeding hearts on the left. Just because you're poor doesn't mean you need to engage in crime or desecrate things or destroy things or not pick up your garbage or any of that. I was poor my whole life. I didn't engage in crime. You know, they do these things. These people are. They don't have money, so they steal some bread. No. They're stealing handbags and they've broken into a store on the promenade in Santa Monica. They're not stealing bread. Fucking kids. And look, I was poor. I never graffitied. I didn't get paid to graffiti. I was poor. You have to go out and buy a can of spray paint for nine bucks and then waste it on the side of something. You don't have to be a slob. You can mow your lawn. You can paint the fascia on your house. You don't have to live in filth. You can do that and be bored.

[Producer]

That's what lifts you out of poverty, is that mindset.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you an inspired story of graffiti and what one man did to clean up this town.

[Producer]

All right?

[Adam Carolla]

I woke up one day many years ago when I was living in an apartment in North Hollywood with my two or three roommates in my one bedroom. I was in early 20s. And I walked out to the alley where my garage was at, a garage in the alley off of Laurel Canyon. And somebody had tagged the entire alley, including my garage door. And what they'd written on it was Egbert. And they wrote Egbert on the side of the. Down the alley, on the fence and on the garage. The wooden garage doors. And they spray painted Egbert.

[Dawson]

Just one big word.

[Adam Carolla]

Egbert.

[Dawson]

Egbert.

[Adam Carolla]

Egbert.

[Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And they'd done it, obviously, in the wee hours of the night before because it was like a weekend, and there was nothing there that day. And we came home at night, and when we woke up, it was there.

[Dawson]

Are we talking a stylish sort of, like, graffiti style or just a tag?

[Adam Carolla]

Just a big, ugly tag that says Egbert everywhere in the alley. Right.

[Producer]

I hate this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

So me and my friends. My friends were like, proactive dudes, you know? And they went. We all looked at it. Egbert. Who's Egbert? We knew the dudes in the neighborhood, you know, like, who's Egbert? And my friend Snake, he said, sick.

[Dawson]

Sick. Tad.

[Producer]

Yeah, Snake, he said, I never hooked up with him. If he says that he did.

[Adam Carolla]

We were driving. I was driving. Mike, he begs to dimmer. So Snake, he goes, you know, I know a dude who runs around with these young guys, like a little bit of a gang. His name is Toad. And Toad would know who Egbert was. And I bet if we found Toad, we could shake him down and figure out who Egbert was.

[Dawson]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. So, like, out of a movie, we get into Snake's car and we start driving to, like, wherever we thought Toad may be hanging out or something. This on a Sunday.

[Producer]

I love this.

[Adam Carolla]

And we go driving, and literally, as we turn the corner, a car passes us by, and somebody yells, toad's driving that car. And we turn around, and we start following him in the car. And this guy Toad realizes that there's four dudes in a car that are now following him for quite a distance, making every turn he's making and everything like that. And he turns up onto Ventura Boulevard, and we're behind him. And at some point, there's a cop car that's just riding next to us, and we can't do anything. It's like a cop car. And Toad and us, we're all just going down Ventura Boulevard. We're starting to get into, like, Encino at this point. And Snake does a good move. He goes, toad scared shitless. And he's not getting out. He's not pulling over. So Snake says, pull up next to him. Roll the window down. He did something I thought was pretty psychologically advanced. He yelled at Toad. He goes, look, if you pull over right now, we're not gonna hurt you. But if you just keep driving, we'll run into you somewhere, some party at some point. And when we do, then we will hurt you. So you can just take it right now, or you can look over your shoulder. And he. It worked. He was like, all right, I'll Pull over. He pulled over. And we said, egbert, who's this dude? Egbert?

[Dawson]

You shook him down like the Hardy Boys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who's Egbert? We're going to kick your ass, you don't tell us Egbert this. And he goes, it's Greg Besner. And I go, greg Besner. I know his older brother, Stuart Besner. He goes, oh, I know where that dude lives. Jump back in the car, go right over to Stuart's house. Greg Egbert's house.

[Producer]

I love this story.

[Dawson]

Criminal known as Egbert.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like. It's like now it's like 11 in the morning. He did his tagging at, like, 2 in the morning, but it's 11 the next morning. Well, we bang on the door. Parents answer the door, hey, is Greg here? Is Greg Egg? Is Greg. Yeah, right. And Besner's. Okay, got it. So that's how we got Egbert. So he goes, greg, here. He goes. The mom's like, I think he just got up. He's in the shower or something, and he goes, oh, well, can we talk to him?

[Producer]

Pain on his fingers.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's like, well, yeah, when he comes out of the shower and the poor guy, like, comes walking into the living room from the shower tagged the night before, the street dude sitting in his living room with his parents, and he just. He just walks in with a towel over his head. Yeah. Like, literally, like, walks in, like, what's. What's going on? Were you tagging last night? And he's like, yeah, yeah. He just folds in front of everybody. I said, you know, it says egg Burt all over the. And his dad tries to squeeze one, and he goes, egg Bert. More like egghead. Now get the hell out there and fix that garage. And then the dad starts going, I bought some spray paint. It's all gone now. And they start putting it together. They order him that day to go repaint the alley and my garage door and everything else. And by the. He sprays painting on a Sunday night at 2 in the morning. Or. Sorry. Well, Sunday morning. But Saturday night at 2 in the morning. By the following Sunday, he's repainted the whole alley. And that's called frontier justice, bro.

[Producer]

I love that. That's, like, one of the best stories I've heard in so long. But you know what I love about it? I'm gonna tell you what I love about. Probably would not happen the same today.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Producer]

Because the parents, the cops would see you following and wonder what was going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Little angel could never do anything. Yeah.

[Producer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Both parents were like, is that true? You out tagging? Ah, okay. Son, you're gonna paint that whole alley. Start now.

[Producer]

See, if people did that, if people were accountable, if people threw their own kids under the bus and said, you know what? My kid's a little asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer]

You are correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotta be coached up.

[Dawson]

You know, they did it. And I've heard the rest of the story. He actually started bare pain.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

So.

[Producer]

I'm gonna tell you. When I was a little girl, I mouthed off to a neighbor, Mrs. Jenkins, and she. She walked me home, like, twisted the fat part in the back of my arm and walked me home and told my parents I was kind of the ringleader. And there was this one kid we didn't like because he was just a pain. So we would. We would exclude him, like, no dodgeball, because he would go for your face, you know, he was just a really. Not a good kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer]

And I remember Mrs. Jenkins was like, you're the ringleader, and blah, blah, blah. And I'll never forget it. I don't know why she'd say this to a fourth grader, but she said, I should give you a piece of my mind. And I said, you can't spare it, lady. And she walked me home and told my mom. My dad was hysterical laughing. But my mom, she right away was like, you're grounded. I was in my room for a week. No Barbies. She stood up with Mrs. Jenkins and said, you don't talk that way to another adult. What? Are you kidding? As hysterical as it is. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer]

I was in big trouble for, you know, back in the sassing, they would. You can't sass back.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Producer]

I sassed Mrs. Jenkins, and it cost me a week in my room.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And we need that. And you don't. It's like, kids need it. It's important.

[Producer]

It's good for them.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good for them.

[Producer]

And I got news for you. It's good for adults, too.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, one more.

[Dawson]

In other news, Bruce Springsteen slams a corrupt, incompetent, and treasonous Trump administration. Yeah. On the last leg of his Land of Hope and Dreams tour. The rock icon didn't hold back.

[Adam Carolla]

The Mighty E Street Band is here tonight to call upon the righteous power of art, of music, of rock and roll in dangerous times. And not my home. The America I love, the America I've written about, that has been a beacon of hope and Liberty for 250 years, is currently in the hands of a corrupt, incompetent, and Choosing. So now we ask all who believe in democracy and the best of our ramp can experience to rise with us. Raise your voices against authoritarianism and let freedom reign. This is living. Tr sad that he turned into a dullard blowhard, but he's the same as Robert De Niro. I've told you guys this many times. Robert De Niro and Bruce Springsteen never spoke. They didn't get interviewed, they didn't do anything. And they just quietly went about their business and you just assumed they were a genius. Geniuses. Cuz they were so good at what they did. And then they started bloviating and you're like, oh, that guy's a fucking dope. Springsteen is just playing to a stupid crowd. But here's a question, okay. We are living. We have a tyrannical dictator for a president and he's oppressive and we're going to gulags. Okay, you tell me the batting average. There was a whole group. They're the same people. The same people that told us you don't have to put pictures up of things we know. There's a whole group and it's the same group. The same group who told you four or five years ago that Covid was a killer. How many of them are dead versus the same group who told you that Trump is a tyrannical dictator and gonna put us into gulags? How many of them will end up in gulags? And the answer is the same number. Fucking zero. Both. Zero. Zero. Covid. Everyone who was on CNN who told you Covid was gonna kill you, just fucking fine. And everyone who said if this guy gets elected I'll be running for my life and probably have to move to Canada are just hammering checks right now. So shut the fuck up. If he was this that you claim he is, you'd be the first fucker who'd be in the gulag, Bruce. But you're never gonna go, so just shut up, you narcissistic fucking prick. There's nothing worse than homespun stupid and he's homespun dumb, okay? I grew up next to the railroad tracks.

[Dawson]

1, 2, 3.

[Adam Carolla]

No, sorry, no. 2. 3. He doesn't have one. He did one.

[Dawson]

He did one.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened to the usually starts at the 2? Either way, he's a fucking idiot. But anyway. All right, here's what has to happen in order for me to believe you. One of you's got to die of COVID or one of you got to go into gulag. Then I will believe you. Other than that, you're just posturing. All right, Monique, Marvin, let me give you a plug over here.

[Producer]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

She's gonna be at Jimmy Kimmel's club. And that'll be June two. No, three, four. June 13th and 14th.

[Producer]

Thank you. And Houston Improv on the 16th. I'm doing a big charity event. Please, please join us, Houston. It's important.

[Adam Carolla]

And watch her very funny dry bar special.

[Producer]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Ones on YouTube and angel.com, right?

[Producer]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mine's out there as well. One's on YouTube, one's on DryBar bars. While I'm Belflow doing stand up at the stand up comedy club. That'll be this Saturday. Two shows over there. Tacoma, Washington. Doing a couple shows over there. Tacoma Comedy club. That'll be May 30th and 31st. And then Spokane doing stand up over there at the Spokane Comedy club. That'll be June 1st. Go to mkroll.com for all the live shows. Until next time, Adam Crow for Monique Marvez and mayhem. Sam Mala.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744. Get tickets to see Adam Carolla at AdamCorola.com.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Producer]

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[Adam Carolla]

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