Jason Ellis + Deaf Frat Guy (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode: Jason Ellis + Deaf Frat Guy (Carolla Classics) Release Date: June 6, 2025

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Overview

In this engaging episode of the Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla is joined by guests Jason Ellis and Deaf Frat Guy. The trio delves into a variety of topics, blending humor with candid discussions on personal experiences, pop culture, relationships, and current events. This long-form summary captures the essence of their conversations, highlighting key points, memorable quotes, and insightful exchanges that define the dynamic of the show.

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Key Discussions

1. Personal Anecdotes and Daily Life

Adam kicks off the episode by sharing his experiences over the weekend, reflecting on the rare moments of relaxation with his family amidst his typically busy schedule. He humorously contrasts the chaotic energy of modern youth with his desire for peace and quiet.

Notable Quote:

"What you really want out of life is what you're not doing when you're bored as shit." ([04:00])

2. Piers Morgan’s Departure from CNN

The conversation shifts to media, specifically discussing Piers Morgan’s exit from CNN. Adam and Bald Bryan express their mixed feelings about Morgan’s tenure, critiquing his approach and questioning CNN’s decision to continue his show.

Notable Quote:

"But why do you think people are attracted to people who say 'I'm the best'?" ([18:55])

3. Job Interview Advice (Caller: Wilmer)

Caller Wilmer reaches out seeking advice after a stagnant response from an NBC interview for a snowboarding event coordinator position. Adam offers insights into interpreting interview signals and managing expectations.

Notable Quote:

"If you're interested, keep doing what you do because no one does it like you." ([31:27])

4. Relationship Dynamics: Being Too Open

A caller named Colin from Chicago inquires about the balance between openness and privacy in relationships. The panel discusses the importance of shared values versus personal transparency, emphasizing the need for partners to support and challenge each other constructively.

Notable Quote:

"Just be open, but don't be desperate." ([134:07])

5. Movie Reviews and Pop Culture

The guests review the remake of "RoboCop," comparing it unfavorably to the original. Allison Rosen passionately defends the classic "Groundhog Day," hailing it as one of the few perfect movies that seamlessly blend humor with philosophical depth.

Notable Quote:

"It's one of the few perfect movies out there and it couldn't possibly be better if they remade it." ([60:02])

6. Personal Loss and Tragedy

Dawson shares the heartbreaking story of his friend Billy Burchett’s tragic death, exploring themes of friendship, trust, and the unforeseen dangers that can disrupt lives. The discussion provides a poignant moment amid the otherwise lighthearted banter.

Notable Quote:

"How comes when you're fighting, you're putting your life on the line, and then someone just breaks your girlfriend's face off?" ([177:50])

7. Sports and Competitiveness

The panel critiques the overwhelming focus on college tournaments in sports media, expressing fatigue over continuous, low-stakes games dominating the news cycle. They reminisce about Adam’s brief stint in the Golden Gloves and discuss the intensity and risks of professional fighting.

Notable Quote:

"The more you want it and will it, the more desperate you feel." ([133:35])

8. Humorous Interludes and Banter

Throughout the episode, Adam and his guests engage in playful and humorous exchanges, including absurd scenarios, playful insults, and witty remarks about everyday situations. These moments highlight the show's signature humor and camaraderie.

Notable Quote:

"I'm gonna scream, 'What, What is something's pushing me to make a call.'" ([05:12])

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Memorable Quotes with Timestamps

• Adam Carolla: "You blink and it's gone. Just like your dignity after singing karaoke." ([00:00])
• Bald Bryan: "Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis." ([00:58])
• Adam Carolla: "You could always run." ([02:23])
• Allison Rosen: "I totally agree with you." ([04:21])
• Def Frat Guy: "We just don't like. We can't go out because one person will say they want something else." ([07:26])
• Adam Carolla: "I'm the guy... I'm old man Carolla." ([08:26])
• Jason Ellis: "I'm moving out of Seattle." ([84:33])
• Allison Rosen: "We have to protect our kids from nicotine addiction." ([186:56])

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Conclusion

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show masterfully blends humor with substantive discussions, offering listeners both laughs and thoughtful insights. From personal stories and relationship advice to critiques of media personalities and pop culture, Adam Carolla and his guests provide a multifaceted conversation that resonates with a wide audience. Not only does the episode entertain, but it also encourages reflection on important social issues, making it a standout installment in the Carolla Classics series.

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Note: The summary intentionally omits advertisement segments, intros, and outros to focus solely on the content-driven portions of the episode, ensuring a clear and cohesive narrative for those who haven't listened.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here's the deal. I don't need Glow in the Dark anything. I need peace, quiet, and a place to sit. But apparently the kids want energy shots that light up like a laser show. So here we are. Introducing 5 Hour Energy Glow Motion. Same jolt as your morning coffee, zero sugar. And now a bottle that glows under UV light. It's 2 ounces. That's it. You blink and it's gone. Just like your dignity after singing karaoke. Great for ravers, gamers, marathon runners, or anyone who needs to stay vertical through a PTA meeting. Go to FiveHouseEnergy.com and grab the new Glow Motion flavor. Or wait till it hits Amazon in June. If you're the kind of person who also waits six months to see a movie, your friend's already ruined.

[Bald Bryan]

Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice, and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me@ flavorshookorgankids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Allison Rosen]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics with ad free archives exclusively available through Podcast One Premium. And to find ad free archives for the Adam Caroll show as well as The Adam and Dr. Drew show and exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out. Check out adam cola substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcroll.com now on to the clips coming up. First, we have Adam cooler show up so 1268. This one's just Adam, Allison and Brian from 2014, Adam and the Old gang. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on. Thank you so much for listening over the last five years, y' all. Thanks for supporting. Thanks for telling a friend. Thanks for clicking through Amazon. Thank you for making all of this possible. Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Bald Bryan]

Hello Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Bald Bryan. Two by fours.

[Allison Rosen]

Appropriate actually for today. That was pretty much the last five years, but that was also requested by many people over the weekend at the Toptrop on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you guys once again for making it possible for me not to have to take a radio gig over the last five years. My God, I thank you, too. Thanks, Jack. All right, we'll have some calls. Many thoughts from over the weekend. U.S. hollywood Improv Saturday, March 8 Two live shows. Shows. Also, Redondo Beach Performing Arts center coming up March 27th. I do believe that's the big Legal Defense Fund benefit. Kimmel's going to be there, and Dr. Drew and Kevin and Bean and Marc Maron. Lots of good names. Keep adding on. So come on out and support a good cause. Hollywood Outpost Cahuenga. That is Thursday, February 27th. That's coming up this Thursday, 9pm Going to go there and have a little mangria with you after the show. So say hi. All right. Stuff to talk about, stuff to complain about. Went out. Had a nice relaxing day with the kids and the wife yesterday. Not too many of those weekends. Doing a lot of traveling and whatnot. You know, what you really want out of life is what you're not doing when you're bored as shit, you want to get out and travel and do stuff. And when you never stop doing stuff, all you want to do is just fucking chillax a little bit. I mean, it's that kind of when you're sitting in the sauna, you want to go take a dip in a pool. When you're sitting in the pool, you want to jump back into the sauna. And it's that being able to toggle back and forth part.

[Allison Rosen]

I totally. All I want to do is run a comb through my hair. That's all I want out of this life.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like, is asana bad? No, sauna's great. But if someone puts a chair in front of the door and then does what they would do on every 80s drama I would watch when I was babysitting, which is turn the knob up to the skull and crossbone.

[Allison Rosen]

Again, why is that setting you in there?

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue if you're manufacturing saunas for a living, putting it to the part where you could cook a large turkey in under three hours would be a liability. If someone ever perished and just went to a lawsuit. Like, they'd go, why did it need to get to 322 degrees? The human body can only tolerate up to 118, hence the skull and crossbones.

[Allison Rosen]

That's where you don't want to put it.

[Adam Carolla]

Why make it so it can do that?

[Allison Rosen]

It's a deterrent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but don't make the device go that far.

[Allison Rosen]

How else are they going to know it's a liability?

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you understand? And then you just put the chair. There used to be chairs used for almost everything but sitting. Growing up, like, anytime you wanted to keep someone in a room or out of a room, just slide that chair.

[Bald Bryan]

Right under the knob, which I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Think has ever worked in real life. There's a door right there. If you slid a folding chair up underneath it, I would push on it two times and it would slide off the floor. Would there ever be. I could never get in there. I smell a new bit, especially for the podcast. It's going to translate sonically. It's going to be amazing. All right. I had this yesterday. So wife and the kids and we all went out and we all just took a nice drive and went down to the beach and we trotted about. And at a certain point, we decided it was time to get a little snack. So we sort of went to the Mali markety kind of food courty thing by the. Down in Malibu by the ocean. And first off, Lynette said, what do you want? I said, just a little turkey sub or something like that. She said, all right. She went to go get it. She went to get herself a sub. She went to get Natalia a sub, and she went to get Sonny a sub, too. But as I was looking, I noticed that Sonny was eating a Subway sub and that we were all just eating a sub shop sub, which is better than the Subway sub. And I said, you went to two separate sub shops. And she said, he likes Subway. And I thought, I know, but just get him whatever he wants at the place we're all ordering from. You're gonna go across the street and get him that whatever? I mean, you're talking about brand loyalty at a young age. And she said, he likes it. And I just thought, first off, our parents have ever done a thing where they all trotted into one restaurant and then you went, hey, old man. Across the street, that's where I'm eating. And they just. Your mom just went on a fucking run. Like, she just went to go get you the same food. It's not like, well, we're all eating Greek and then he wants a sub. We're all eating subs. And he wanted another sub that was of lesser quality.

[Bald Bryan]

Because in my family, we can't agree. It was decreed 8 million years ago that we shall never dine together ever.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Bald Bryan]

We just don't like. We can't go out because One person will say they want something else, and then my dad will say, forget it.

[Adam Carolla]

But my thing is, like, quiet, kid, you're gonna get whatever you want. I'm not saying you have to get a horseshit mayonnaise sub. I'm saying whatever you're gonna get over at Subway, you shall get here and you shall like it.

[Allison Rosen]

Plus, I feel like maybe that says more about. From what I know about Sonny, the stories you've told, he's not a finicky eater or finicky anything. Like, his favorite drink is water.

[Adam Carolla]

He. He is finicky when it comes to eating. Oh, really? But it's just finicky in a bizarre way. Like, if you said to him, would you like some tapioca pudding? He'd go, no, I'd rather have a celery stick. Like, he's waif model finicky. So it's weird. No, he's just. He likes that brand. Cause he's seen the commercial with the Olympic athletes eating it or whatever it is.

[Allison Rosen]

He loves Jay Glazer, right?

[Adam Carolla]

He's huge, Jake. I mean, he likes mixed martial arts. He likes Glazer.

[Bald Bryan]

Plus, don't they cut the bread in a pretty innovative way?

[Adam Carolla]

I would call it suggestive. When I'm done with it. Oh, I don't need 6 foot or 6 or 12 inch. I go stepping right down it. Do you have a four and a half? Anyway, hold the mail. So she went and did that. And so I'm the guy. I'm old man Carolla sitting at the table going, where'd you go? Subway. No, no. Yeah. We went to. Well, I'm not eating Subway. Oh, no, you want to. Oh, yeah, he likes that. And I just thought, what the. So, number one, we're creating a monster. But number two, Lynette took the picture that I shall show you, which is barefoot guy in. And we're. Now. Okay, now it's with your dog, and it's barefoot everywhere. But in the restaurant, on the tile floor, like the. Barefoot amongst the food, just walking around. I don't know if you're walking around barefoot and in a world where every closet has somewhere between 4 and 11 pairs of flip flops. When did flip flops become too big a commitment? You know what I mean? Like, flip flops are what you wear at a spa.

[Allison Rosen]

The bare minimum.

[Adam Carolla]

Flip flops are what is issued to you to get from the sauna to the shower and then back to the sauna again or the changing room. This is just flip flops. There's nothing. It's like what you'd wear in a hospital. Look, it's. It's literally what you wear to get from one point of an indoor point to another point on indoor point.

[Bald Bryan]

Some people wear them in the shower.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So now you're going into restaurants barefoot and what's up? And now you know, it's weird.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a beach restaurant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's no guy. It's funny because guys used to have shoes on, but they would be shirtless everywhere. Somebody pointed this out to me earlier in the day. Remember when you drive around and you see dudes driving with their shirts off? Like, hey, it's a hot day. I mean, obviously pre air conditioning or that guy didn't have air. But hey, it's hot. I got my shirt off. I'm driving around my car with my shirt off. Guys used to go shirtless, but they always had shoes. And again, now that there's flip flops, there's zero excuse. I don't know what he does. Does he walk out into the sidewalk after this and then eat? And then what about if he encounters like Dawson Hawk and loogies and cigarette butts? Every once in a while, Dawson takes a loogie and he wraps around a cigarette butt and just flicks it at a guy's open tootsies.

[Bald Bryan]

I found a cigarette butt.

[Dawson]

You want me on that wall?

[Adam Carolla]

I do.

[Bald Bryan]

I found a cigarette butt in the front grill of my car. Dawson.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good luck.

[Dawson]

I don't throw cigarette butts on the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

I know he puts them in car grills.

[Bald Bryan]

He was two feet off the ground. But let's just point out what this guy's wearing because this whole thing is very confusing. He's wearing a long sleeved plaid shirt and then bright red culottes and no shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

And he's got his butt thrust out in a sassy way.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And he's got a nice tattoo. Now guys would go shirtless, but now they're going shoeless. The reason guys aren't going shirtless anymore is because we're fat. Dudes are big now. When you go back and look at pictures of dudes, like in the 70s, everyone was really lanky. Now everyone's. You take. You take basically like your Stone and Confused, Dazed and Confused kind of movie era. That's what guys look like now. Guys are keeping their shirts on.

[Bald Bryan]

You can't even wear the puka shows now because your fat will catch in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The other thing I'm noticing is every single 28 year old dude is rocking a beard because his head is fat. That's the other thing. I'm just staring at dudes wearing beards because they're. When you get the big fat head going, the beard looks pretty good on there. Keeping the shirt on, kicking the shoes off. By the way, the only thing that looks good when you get fat.

[Bald Bryan]

Feet.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Dawson]

A tan.

[Adam Carolla]

No calves. The only thing. The only thing that looks good on your body when you start packing it on is your calves. That's. That's why. Beard, long sleeve shirts, shorts, calf, no shoes. It's the only part that. It's the part that never looks flabby. It never looks like, oh, man, he really let his calves go. What do you do, have a couple of kids. So sad with the stretch marks.

[Def Frat Guy]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you take the biggest, fattest Samoan dude on the planet, but the calves, huge. Rock hard. Okay. So now everyone is barefoot everywhere, even in restaurants. And again, not sure who the joke is on the other customers. The guy's just walking barefoot through the subway.

[Allison Rosen]

He's comfy. He has his feet on some nice cool tile, apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. But if you are him, do you want to be in the place where food is prepared?

[Bald Bryan]

He's sliding on a pickle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And then food is dropped.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the other thing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Also, somebody brought this to my attention, that Piers Morgan has basically come to an end over there at cnn. And I was doing ktla. Sam Rubin, the guy got in a little trouble the other weekend.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Full pot. Samuel L. Jackson.

[Adam Carolla]

Samuel L. Jackson. The guy was all over the news just because he could be. It was just like, nobody thinks he's a racist or anything. It's just everyone is sort of like, oh, man, aren't you glad you're not him? Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It was more embarrassing and faux pas than racist, I was say.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

But entertaining way.

[Adam Carolla]

But in a way of laughing feels pretty good. And being moved and excited and entertained feels pretty good. But nothing feels better than, whew, glad that wasn't me. That's the best feeling you can have as a human being.

[Bald Bryan]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

It's literally just going, wow, that wasn't me. And that's why we all threw Sam out there. But I did the show a few years back. This is about three years ago. And I guess it's right when Piers Morgan was coming on. I wasn't planning on talking about it. I was just coming on, you know, morning thing, talk about the podcast, whatever it is, and they just kind of threw it at me. But Piers evidently is Going he felt like a guy was foisted on us. I didn't know who he was. I didn't have a strong sense of oh, finally we get some Piers Morgan on there. Give that guy a microphone.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, well, he hadn't really been established as a well known interviewer at the time or anything. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean he'd done Celebrity Apprentice.

[Allison Rosen]

Was that the first thing he'd sort of done over here or was he already the talk show guy doing that? That was my first time I remember hearing about him.

[Adam Carolla]

It just seemed like replacing a legend with a guy who's who. You don't know. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Allison Rosen]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 DOL dollars per month.

[Adam Carolla]

Required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail] you know what his voice sounds like but you don't know what his voice is. You don't go, oh, he's super funny or he's super political or he's super anything. It just didn't make sense to me at the time. Yeah, and maybe, maybe time has been on my side on this one, but this is the one that got. God, it got like 360,000 downloads on YouTube. But I was just because I'm screwing around. But I guess a lot of people don't like Piers Morgan. Time now for the reflection in the.

[Dawson]

Mirror edition of the water cooler buzz.

[Adam Carolla]

Piers Morgan had Larry King on last.

[Dawson]

Night and you know, there's a lot of things going on in the world. Larry King has had a very big career.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, instead they spent the entire evening.

[Dawson]

Essentially talking about Piers Morgan.

[Adam Carolla]

November 2011. They did was oversell it. He was going to be dangerous. He was going to be water cooler talk. Wait till you see me. I'm different. He's good. He's not that dangerous. I have spent the last few months.

[Def Frat Guy]

Saying following you is like following Frank Sinatra.

[Allison Rosen]

I couldn't have paid you higher price.

[Def Frat Guy]

You go in my backyard and say I'm an oversold if you read this.

[Adam Carolla]

I said he's fine and I appreciate you. I just think that's eating Disorder time, Right? All right. I saw Adam twitching as if he was about to punch the screen. Are there too many folks like Piers? I'm probably guilty of it, too. Oprah, I think, to be honest, where, yes, you're talking to the person about.

[Dawson]

Them, but it's really just all about you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we've just cut out the middleman. We used to pretend like we weren't all insane narcissists, and now it just came on. Who's Piers Morgan, by the way? And who decided in advance? We're all in love with this limey. He's okay. I mean, Piers. You want to keep going? I'm better in Piers Morgan. You're better in Piers Morgan. Why is this thing like, nobody can do what I do? Shut up. You blow hard. There's so many people that are better than you. Are you nuts? You're okay. You're lucky to have the gig. We should have run you out of here. We really should have. He's not very good. No, I think it's. I agree. But who decided it was like we had Piers Morgan. Hey, we have chubby guy in his 50s from England who we've never heard of Fever. Who cares about this ass? Jesus Christ. This is gonna run in a loop for the next year. You just made this, man. He's an idiot. I mean, he's okay at his job. He does a fair to middling job of interviewing people before the Apprentice had never heard of this ass. What's the big deal? But do you think that there's.

[Dawson]

There is a dilemma where it used.

[Adam Carolla]

To be, you know, Phil Donahue interviewed people about what they were up to. Larry King actually used to do that. You used to have to pretend. I mean, secretly, we're all narcissists. But there was a decorum. If you had a sex video of you and you have a large penis, you did not. Well, you wanted people to see it, but not so much on TV since the Kardashians and puff Daddy and everything else. It's just absolutely game on society. Let it get this way with same thing that happened to our schools. It's. Now we're installing metal detectors, and we're wondering why we don't have more metal detectors. Instead of wondering what the hell is going on at home that we need metal detectors. So we have turned a blind eye to all this crazy narcissism, and we're letting it run wild, and now we're being beaten over the head by it. And so why do you think people.

[Dawson]

Like the Kardashians as an example, have.

[Adam Carolla]

Fans because we're voyeurs and we love. We thrive on other people's narcissism because we all secretly wish we could come out and do that. So we all have a little narcissist gnome hiding inside of us. And I don't want to tell you how mine got in me. That's a whole different story. It's weird. And when we hear other people, when we hear muhammad ali saying I'm the greatest, we go, oh, yes. I don't have the guts to do that. But my gnome is beaming with pride. You think the people on tv, the ones that are the most successful, have the most. Absolutely.

[Jason Ellis]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. You give it off, and people follow it and blindly will follow it. And if pierce says he's the best or muhammad ali says he's the best, Muhammad ali backs it up by doing something. But either way, they say I'm the best. We're attracted, and we go with them.

[Dawson]

Here's a little bit more from piers last night.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I don't know if I complain anymore. I didn't watch the whole thing, but it turned out I was right. And I know we are attracted to people who do that. I'm the best, but I don't think I never got the pierce thing.

[Allison Rosen]

He was foisted.

[Bald Bryan]

I think we played this clip shortly. Or maybe it was when I auditioned. Cause November 2011. Cause I remember it from, like, one of my very, very first shows here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, maybe we did. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And also, what I love about local morning news is how they always act so, like, oh, my God, I can't believe you said that. You're close.

[Allison Rosen]

Are we still in the air? Are we still. Are we still rolling? We're still good. Keep it close.

[Bald Bryan]

From my time in morning news, like, I've just never come across a group of people that are so aggressively middle of the road and easily shocked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Well, I think their whole thing is we are going to make this into a good show by willing it into a good show, by reacting it into a good show. So it's sort of a morning zoo thing where everyone is laughing hysterically, trying to create this thing that's not really actually going on. There you go. Either way, piers will be missed by almost nobody. Again, I don't have a problem with him. I don't hate him personally or anything. I just want to know why we're all supposed to be so whipped up about him when we didn't know who.

[Bald Bryan]

He was in the beginning. I didn't see it. The more he was on, the more I actually personally started to like him. And I thought he was a good interviewer because he didn't let people get away with shit like he would push. I agree, and I liked that about him. But, yeah, I guess rating's really not good.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a couple things from over the weekend. I had. Well, I had a guy. I had a strange thing, which is I was standing around here on Friday and I got a call from one of my old buddies. Well, the thing. A couple of things. Just last week, I believe I was telling you guys that I had a couple. I knew a couple guys in high school that didn't have any money. And they're broken families, and they didn't come from anything, but they studied real hard and they played sports and they filled out all the paperwork. And one went to the Air Force Academy and the other one went to ucla and they got loans and grants and whatever, but they. You know, this whole thing where it's like, well, there's no way out. Yeah, there is. You study real hard, you get your grades good. Hopefully dad wasn't around, but Mama helps you fill out some paperwork and you go to the Air Force Academy. And on Friday last week, I got a call from my buddy Chris. And not my buddy Chris, my old buddy Chris. And he just said, hey, I'm going to Vegas. And I just passed a billboard with your big billboard with your face on it. Which is weird for him because we went to high school together, you know, and he said, what are you doing? I said, we're doing a show Friday night. He said, oh, we're just coming into town, so we're going out to dinner, but maybe we can go to the show. And I said, yeah, go to the show. And he said, I'm with my brother Greg. That's his younger brother Greg. And I said, oh, yeah, bring Greg. Come to the show. August will get you on the list. And blah, blah, blah, backstage, whatever. So Chris came out and always liked Chris. And it was. I forgot about a couple things about the story about him wearing braces for, like, eight years and then getting hit in the mouth with a baseball bat and having to put the braces back on after all those years of wearing the braces on a broken back.

[Allison Rosen]

He had just gotten them off.

[Adam Carolla]

Just gotten them off. Yeah. But what I really forgot about is his brother talking into the larynx thing, which I tried.

[Bald Bryan]

You tried to talk into it?

[Adam Carolla]

It works. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

I was just thinking about that when you said that. Yeah. Because it was not discussed. But I was wondering, how does one get.

[Adam Carolla]

His brother was sick. His brother was. Everyone in his family was sort of athletes and his brother got an illness. I can't remember which one. And it was just. I sort of vaguely remember this because we stayed in touch back and forth after high school. Just here and there. Go out to dinner every couple years or something. And his brother has a trach breathing apparatus. I mean, he breathes through a hole in his neck. And when he speaks, he holds this thing that's size of a miniature flashlight.

[Allison Rosen]

We all met these guys in the green room.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

For the show in Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but. And I don't know how you do it. I suppose he's used to it. But when you're in the car, you got to give a little tune up on younger brother Greg speaking through the flashlight and sounding like a robot. Well, I was gonna say I was trying to think the short. The short circuit. So it kind of caught me off guard. But he did let me try it and it's pretty insane. He said you talk, you mouth things. It's like talk, but don't have anything come out. And then hold this thing.

[Bald Bryan]

Whisper even.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's like, don't whisper though. Like pretend you're talking, but don't push out. And then hold this thing up to your neck. And the buzz, buzz comes out of the thing. But it's pretty intelligible. Like it's off putting at first, but then you have the conversation.

[Allison Rosen]

I can understand them totally. Yeah, for the most part.

[Bald Bryan]

Maybe we should get them from when we're tired.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, it's kind of nice because when someone wants to chime in, you see them going for their next. It's almost like raising your hand. So they came by and very orderly and said hi. And it was nice to see old buddies from high school once again.

[Bald Bryan]

How does he raise his voice though?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good question. I think he goes from AAA to 9 volt, which takes a while when he's arguing with his wife. Let me get my. Oh, where's that battery? Where's that battery drawer?

[Allison Rosen]

It takes a while, but you know he means it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know he means it. Yeah, so that was nice. On the way out, Gary forgot. Or Gary reminded me of this. I forgot. We got on the elevator to head back up to the rooms and a guy got on the elevator with us holding the big, big plate. It was funny because we just had this discussion with the what do you want on your hot dog? And I told everyone, ketchup past the age of nine. Like when you get into double digits. No more ketchup on hot dogs. Onion and relish and sauerkraut and all kinds of stuff. Guy standing next to me, Mike, on the elevator, and we're just looking at him, and he's like, hey, good show. Went to the show tonight. All right. I'm like, all right, what do you got there? Some cheesy fries? And he's like, no, fries. And I'm like, well, what's. What's the yellow stuff? Mustard. I thought, wait a minute. Now I'm vexed because I will not accept ketchup on a hot dog. But I am not very forgiving of fries with mustard. Although I respect it. I respect it. I respect it.

[Allison Rosen]

Mustard's gonna most anything. I mean, anything.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? But just topping mustard and fries feels very weird to me. I'm fine with it because it's a ballsy move.

[Bald Bryan]

But are you having a little bit of a crisis of conscience? Cause you're trying to figure out what logic allows this situation to happen when you're anti. Catch up.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? It's one of those things where I'm like the dad, and I just. At the end, as I'm losing the argument, I said. Because I said so. And that's where I'm going with the mustard.

[Bald Bryan]

The yeah, but still. Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

And the. Yeah, but still.

[Bald Bryan]

Everyone should go to AdamKrolo.com and look at this photo, because Mike August is looking lovingly at the fries as if there was someone, like, holding a baby in the elevator.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's always great. It's always great when he gets hold of the casino bucks. And then also, Mike always eats during the show, but he's always willing to pilfer a few fries after the show as well. All right, let's see. We got some phone calls up there. We'll get to some phone calls. We got some news coming up. Jo Koy, always great. Love me some Jo Koy. And let's just go to top. Talk to Jared. Chicago 22. Jared.

[Wilmer]

Hey, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Wilmer]

Hey. So just graduated college and had a interview the other day at NBC, and I was wondering what advice you'd have. That was two weeks ago, and I haven't heard anything from him. I was wondering what advice you'd have at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, see what CBS and ABC are up to and Fox, cnn, maybe. Can you interview? Well, do you have a British accent?

[Wilmer]

Oh, I do have a. Could do a British accent.

[Adam Carolla]

What were you trying to do over at NBC.

[Wilmer]

So this was for the. It's for a snowboarding. It's the DO tour. It's a snowboarding event. It's kind of their coordinator for the competitions. I work like with the professional athletes. Something I'm really interested in.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. All right, well they're not going to use you because it's been two weeks, right?

[Wilmer]

I don't know. Well, I don't know. They haven't updated any statuses like on their, on their website, on their career website.

[Adam Carolla]

What are the tells when you're really interested in somebody on a job interview? I'll tell you what, I can tell you from doing three sitcoms, basically pilots back to back to back and literally interviewing hundreds of women to play my wife, hundreds of kids to play my son, hundreds of whatever. To play my neighbor, like just in a row, 20 at a time. And then two days later 20 more would file through the place. You instinctively. And so does anyone and everybody in the room. First off, just about everyone in the room or the one person in the room will have the same thought like not gonna. No, not gonna do it. And then overcompensate. If they're thinking about you in a serious way, they will play it a little closer to the vest. Put you in their mind in a small group of people that have kind of made the cut but they don't wanna commit to because there's three of you. But if out of the 80, but if you're one of the 86 people out of the 89 people who ironically is going to be 86, then you get a lot of that's awesome. What you just did was fantastic. We love it. We'll be in touch. There's a natural overcompensation about what you just did. When you know you're not coming back. When you know when you've made the cut to I'm interested in this person. The person is not demonstrative. The person's gears are turning a little. They're starting to think how much can.

[Bald Bryan]

We get you for?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, is this guy good? And what if I did back burner this person for two weeks? Someone's going to snatch him up. This guy's good, you know. Now then they're thinking back on the guy or the. Whoever they interviewed last week. He was pretty good too. I wonder how I got these two guys in the same room. They're playing a little more. It's not even a close event. They're thinking. The other guys aren't thinking. They're doing the Talking to the hobo. Hey, there you go.

[Allison Rosen]

How about that?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. How about that? Hey, good for you. Good for you. You know what? Keep going. You keep on doing. You do what you do and you keep doing it, man. Because no one does it like you. Okay, all right, all right. As their chair starts pushing away from the desk, that's just rolling backwards. So I would say if you get a. If you get too much of a. Well, there you go. There you shall go. If you get any kind of questions, anything like where there's not so much reaction but a, are you in town for the next couple weeks? Anything like that, we have your number on. That's a very good sign. A subdued, like, I need a piece of information now.

[Bald Bryan]

What do you make of. I don't know where Jared interviewed, but oftentimes the person you're interviewing with is an HR person or is not the like. And they're just going to pass along your stuff to someone else. Do they have this. Can you read them or no?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know because I've never had a job. When you work construction, it's always just word of mouth, like, oh, you work with this guy. It's always just, yeah, he's a pretty good carpenter. He's not really much of a framer, but he's a good finish guy. And he's on time. He's pretty sober. He'll be fine. He wants 15 bucks an hour. You'll go, okay, give me that guy. That's all you kind of need. You don't really have to ask him where he went to school or any of that stuff or references, whatever. Just one other Foreman guy says something like, he's pretty good with this, and you're in. And then comedy is just comedy.

[Bald Bryan]

When you were casting the shows that you're talking about, did people meet with a casting director first, put themselves on tape, and then that got to you, and then you chose from that pool they would meet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think they would meet with the casting director and then the casting director would get a large group or a group of them, whittle them down a little bit. And then, by the way, speaking of just fucking idiot executives and how they just fuck up the entire process, it was reminded. Kevin Hench, the guy I write with, reminded me yesterday that when we were shooting our first sitcom, the one where Brian, right. Right before we started shooting, was diagnosed with a tumor.

[Allison Rosen]

CBS pilot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. When we were shooting that pilot, multi camera, I was there. Live audience, the whole thing. When we were shooting that, we hired they could not find my son. And finally they found a guy from like Montreal and he just put his thing on tape. And it wasn't tape, but you whatevered it and sent it over. And everyone looked at it and went, this is the kid. And then Kevin Hansch, being the least experienced but always the smartest guy in the room, raised his hand and said, how do we know that wasn't take 45? Or how do we know that wasn't take 26 cobbled together with take 45? Shouldn't we see this guy in person? And everyone just looked at him and said, look, he can do it on tape, he can do it. Do it in real, do it on stage. And Kevin went, but we're gonna hire this guy sight unseen.

[Allison Rosen]

That's always the way.

[Adam Carolla]

And he went, he's good and we can see it on tape. And the casting director told him, and the producers told him, you know, basic, you know, zip it. And the kid came out and the kid stunk and they put him on the next plane back to Montreal. And first off, they never apologize, they just go, hey, he didn't work out, he's no good. They never go to a hinge. Like, okay, so then later on they hired another kid. And no, then we're in a. Now we're in a pinch because we're like shooting in two days. And we didn't have. Hence, that's when I had to do the run through with the dwarf, the haggard dwarf, very comical. Anyway, we needed a kid and we needed a kid in a hurry. And then we went back to the trailer and we said, oh boy, we've looked at every kid in town and now we're shooting this thing and like two days, and we need a kid today for like the run through. And this kid came in, short brown haired kid, super quick and funny, good chemistry, you know, everything. Had everything going for him. And we all looked at each other and we all went, well, this is our kid, this is our kid. Alrighty, take him to the network. And that's when the genius producer said, no, we need two kids to take to the network. And we said, why? This the kid we want? They said, we need two kids because they need a choice. But they'll take the kid we want, don't you worry. And Kevin Hench chimed in and he piped up and he said, why give him an option? We're shooting in two days. What if they picked the wrong kid? We're jammed. Just give him the kid. We love this kid. And they said, son, shh. I know what I'm doing. So they flew a kid in from Dallas, and he came in sort of sad because he was like a perky blonde. But the other kid was very good. And of course, they picked the kid who we didn't like, the blonde kid. The kid did the sitcom, wasn't any good. As soon as sitcom was over, the same producers who did the, shh, we'll bring him two kids walked over to Hench and went, well, we're gonna lose that kid when we go to series. Without apologizing or any sense of irony or tale between the legs or any of that. Cause that's what you have to be, a producer. You have to be incredible, pompous ass and be able to, like, look guys in the eyes who said that? And do that. And then we never ended up getting picked up. But something I forgot, I never thought about the other kid with the dark hair who I really liked, who we all really liked. What happened to that kid four or five years on Hansch, just because he's got a steel trap for brain, remembers every name and keeps track of things, goes, oh, that's a kid from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. And I'm like, I've seen that with. That kid's great. He's like, oh, yeah, he did movie one, movie two. He's doing our sitcom. And I was like, I watched that with my kids. That kid's awesome. And then I was like, he's great. And I. Oh, fuck. I hate those producers so fucking much now. Yeah, kids great. He's got a movie career now, and it could have been my son, except for now. Now. What do you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Think he regrets that he looks back on that he remembers?

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't give a fuck. I do, because I had to do a sitcom with a kid who wasn't very good as my son, who, you know, again, it's a thing where you don't know whether you miss the target by a mile or by millimeter, but every millimeter counts. And when you have somebody who's not quite in the right role, that doesn't help. All right, let's see. Let's take another call here. Talk to Colin. Pittsburgh. What's going on?

[Wilmer]

Hey, Adam. Hey, Brian. Allison. I got a question. Got a question here. So, like, when looking for someone to be in a serious relationship, how much does, like, a difference in viewpoints matter? Like, you and Lynette differ a lot on a lot of things. Just for instance, like, you know, she wanted to bathe the kids in lotion and you're all against all that kind of stuff. I just wondered what your thoughts were. How. How similar should people be with their views?

[Adam Carolla]

How does that matter? Look, I don't think you guys want to, you know, you don't want Shiite Muslim and a devout Jew, and you guys are going to set the house on fire.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a new rom com.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I would see that.

[Adam Carolla]

Infidels.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, it's a real Dharma and Greg situation.

[Adam Carolla]

But, you know, and it's just stuff where it's like, chicks are gonna do what chicks do, and it's not so much that Sonny, Natalia, get the moisturizer when they come out of the bathtub because it's good for them. I think my wife likes putting it on them, and they like being handled and touched. And it's like, you know, it's one of those pick your battles kinds of things. All guys that I know or most guys that I know are more on the pragmatic side. And getting back to the subway sandwich, I would have went into the Mon Pa sub, explained to Sonny that it's the exact same thing, 25% better than what he's going to get across the street, and I'm not making that trip. So you're going to get what you're going to get.

[Bald Bryan]

What are you talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And he would have gotten what he would have gotten. Now, we're setting a table for a lot of going across the street to get Sonny what he wants. But you both need to agree that you're good people. You know, I mean, it's not really so much what your team is or what your feelings are. In politics, you have to be the big picture. You have to be the good person. Lynette's a great person. You know, it's not. All this stuff is really just being too nice, essentially. Colin.

[Wilmer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

There's also nuts. You know, there's a lot of crazy broads out there. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, no, there are. There's just. You got to deal with that. Or if you don't want to deal with that, stay away from that. You know, it depends what you want. Dr. Drew likes it. No disrespect.

[Allison Rosen]

No, clearly you meant that very earnestly.

[Bald Bryan]

I think similar is good. I think when you're younger, you tell yourself that it's exciting to be with someone who's totally different than you are, but everyone likes that feeling of, you think that. I think that. Oh, my God, we both think that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yay no. Like, Lynette and I have the exact same taste in music. But I always tell her, I know every song you hate. And she goes, how do you know every song I hate? And I go, because they're songs that suck dick, and I hate them, too. And we don't have the same taste. We just have good taste. I can see that look on your face when that song is. There's one thing we agree upon across the board, and it's good music versus shitty music. But look, when it gets to be a big religious thing, that can be an issue. And other than that, it's kind of nice to have the same land on the same page on a lot of stuff. I will say this, though. You don't want. You always need that person in your life who says, what the fuck are you doing in this department? Like, that's a mistake. Like, if your husband says, you know, I know I'm working as a mechanical engineer, and I've been working for this defense contractor for 21 years, but I've got to dance. I've got a dance. It's the only time I feel free, man. I gotta dance.

[Bald Bryan]

Support you in your dreams.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now tell that guy, unless he's a great fucking dancer and has a gig lined up, tell him, no, save it for the weekends. Keep your. There's a lot of. You're right. Fuck that job. Tell your boss to suck his dick. Fuck that. You dance if you want to dance. And it's like, no. Somebody. I've dealt with a lot of guys in a lot of business and show business, where I'm like, why isn't this guy's fucking wife chiming in right about now apologizing for his behavior, sending over a fruit basket and going, I don't know what he's been saying, but sorry.

[Bald Bryan]

Similar is good, but the person that brings out the best version of you is the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You don't need. When you're out of line or you're being a dick or you're going to quit a job that's probably better than you are, you do need that person not being your cheerleader. You want them to be supportive, but they need to be realistic as well.

[Allison Rosen]

They rein you in, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's. Speaking of supportive and realistic, legal zoom. Man, oh, man. You need legal zoom. Yeah, you got a little money, you gotta take care of business. You want to start your own business. It's national start your own business month. I don't know if you guys know about that LegalZoom's ready to help. For over 14 years they've helped over 1 million business owners get started. Start your LLC, incorporate, file your DBA. That's right. This month's special by the way. With your purchase of LegalZoom, they give you three months trial of the all new QuickBooks. New and better way to run your whole business. $119 value yours free.

[Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

Michael 26, Oregon.

[Wilmer]

Adam, how's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Good, man.

[Wilmer]

Right on, man. If I sound winded, it's just because I'm on the treadmill. But I had a question about my girlfriend, actually. So we're going to be here pretty soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say something, man? We're all on a treadmill, dude. You know, just get up in the morning, man. Going to work for the man.

[Bald Bryan]

Just move. You don't get anywhere, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Make the precious money, man, to keep a roof over the head and the lights on for the kids. But what's it all mean, man? I mean, when you're standing back and you're looking at your life, man, Just another lemon going off to work, man.

[Allison Rosen]

You've walked all day. And look at you. You gone nowhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Just punching that clock.

[Wilmer]

I'm in the mirror so I can reflect. I'm in the mirror so I can reflect.

[Adam Carolla]

You can jog it in the mirror. Yeah.

[Wilmer]

Yeah, dude, totally.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, Brian, you got a brain tumor, so you don't know this one, okay? But one of the signs of getting old is when you're chugging on the treadmill, okay? And somebody like, walks into the room and you do the, hey, who's that over there? And then as you crank your head back, you start stumbling.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's one of the signs that I had a brain tumor.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is it?

[Allison Rosen]

Aside. Start stumbling.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's. That's right. You'll get. When you get old, the same thing happens. Like you're chugging. You turn your focus for me and you turn back and you realize you've moved three feet to the right.

[Allison Rosen]

Drifted.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, where the hell is.

[Bald Bryan]

Are you saying Brian's not gonna get old? I'm sorry, I just had to understand the segue.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he can look forward. No, I'm saying we will look forward to joining you in your tumor related dementia.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel better now.

[Adam Carolla]

Michael. Yeah. What's going on?

[Wilmer]

How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Wilmer]

Well, okay, so check this out. I'm moving in with my girlfriend. And so I went on a vacation to California with her in San Jose. And while we were there, I kind of noticed a couple things I'm kind of worried about, and I'm wondering if I can get your take on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

You vacationed in San Jose?

[Wilmer]

Yeah, well, that's where her family's at.

[Adam Carolla]

So I thought I'd meet family.

[Wilmer]

We got to see the sharks.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Yeah.

[Wilmer]

All right, so check this out. Well, like, I had to unpack her bag, and she kept saying, oh, no, you can't fit that jacket in there. I packed it all day. There's no way you can do it. And I was like, I don't know, I think I can. Why don't you just wait and see? And sure enough, I was able to fit it in. And I kind of got to thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

Who knew where this story was headed?

[Wilmer]

No, no, no mentality. And I'm wondering, like, what a lot of people have that they seem to be, like, so quick to say no and they haven't even tried yet. And I'm wondering, like, how do I deal with that? Moving forward, you know, without getting annoyed or frustrated?

[Adam Carolla]

Are you moving forward on a treadmill?

[Wilmer]

Dude, I took a breather. I'm breathing.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's. It's an interesting thing. You can sort of break people of it a little bit. I do know, and I do hate that thing where people are like, you start explaining something, they're like, well, but I. And you go, no, just listen. And they go, no, but I look. And you go, just hear what I'm saying. Because what I'm doing is trying to. Usually trying to help whatever it is you're attempting to do here. But you pushing warding me off is not going to help the process. There's a way I've done it where you start off with, look, I'm saying this because I think it's going to make things easier on you, but next time, or it'll be better for both of us if half of it is just kind of tone. It is a thing. And maybe some of it is sports related or not sports related. And then also it's interesting. Let's try to break this down for a second. Men, we have decided through bad commercials and sitcoms are the ones where, you know, the wife is looking up on the ladder, and she's saying, honey, now, if you're going to clean those gutters out, you better do. And I got it. Don't worry. You know? Well, honey, I wouldn't use an extension ladder. I'd use an. A frame ladder. Doesn't seem very sturdy. Don't worry, sweetie. I know what. Oh, Boom. Into the pile of leaves, right? But actually, I'm wondering if women have more of I Got it than men do. I got it. Not in a big mechanical way, but guys. I have found, at least guys who play sports are, first off, just used to being coached up all the time. You're doing this wrong. You're doing this wrong. Your stance is wrong, your weight's wrong. You're not doing it right. Doing it right. I mean, you play football, you play sports, you play basketball, whatever. The coaches walk you around. So you're not doing it right. Go do it. The turn, turn, turn. It's like, a lot of instruction. And then not so much worried about the feelings. Like, guys are like, hey, numb nuts, you're not doing. Come on, you look like shit. Fix it and hurry. You know?

[Allison Rosen]

I agree with you. I think it's about tone. Because if Christie were to ever say to me, which she rarely really does, oh, here's a better way to do that, I'd be like, oh, sweet, please tell me, because I'm having a horrible time doing this, yet I say to her all the time, oh, here's a better way to do that? And before I get the words, I was like, I know how to do it, or I don't like you telling me what to do. I was like, I'm literally trying to make your life easier. I think it's about time.

[Adam Carolla]

We're looking at Allison now, but I think it's perceived that men have egos and macho and like, hey, I know everything. Don't talk to me. And it's another joke that's perpetuated, like, oh, directions, driving. I know what I'm doing. And the woman's, like, shaking her head. But I found emotionally that it's a lot easier to tell guys, here's what I would do. And they go, oh, all right. Then a woman, I get. I feel more pushback from women.

[Bald Bryan]

It's really interesting to me that Christy very rarely will say to you, here's a better way to do something. And I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess it's not because she doesn't have those thoughts. It's that she does in the same way that she reacts when you say it to her. She won't say it to you because she thinks you'll react.

[Allison Rosen]

That's probably right.

[Bald Bryan]

So. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And I know people usually say things the way they'd want things to be said to them.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm afraid with Daniel, I would be afraid. And the one area where I will say stuff has to do with Oliver, with our puppy, because I feel like, oh, it's more important that Oliver gets the whatever than that, you know, than if I upset Daniel. But, yeah, I'm often afraid that he'll feel like I am correcting him.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? All right, so first, Bo, though, the question is, do who has this gene more, men or women? And I would argue women do over smaller. Nonsense. And maybe men do over bigger. Bigger stuff.

[Bald Bryan]

But do men have trouble hearing it? Hearing a correction, for lack of a better word, or a tip from a woman? That's the question. Because you're saying that they can hear it from guys.

[Allison Rosen]

But I take a tip from anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'll take a tip from anyone. I don't think women.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't like that shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think women offer. I like it on better, though. Some of it is a sociological thing where women don't offer up those kinds of tips because we've been told that.

[Bald Bryan]

It'Ll hurt a guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let the guy drive or whatever it is. But I feel like, again, I'm just getting back to sports. You get indoctrinated in sports. You get used to someone telling you how to do something all the time, and you just go, how do I do it? Okay, fine, I'll listen. I'll listen. And I felt in my life, just in casual relationships, more pushback, but pushback over, like, nonsense. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like it's emotion, what it is. It's an emotional thing for women. You're telling me because you want to have dominion over me or something. Whereas guys probably have less of that on a smaller scale, but more on a bigger scale when it comes to ego and that kind of stuff. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, maybe it has to do with where your ego is invested. Like, for a woman, if this is going to be making a big generalization, but if it's something tiny with, like, something around the house, that might be actually where she's more invested.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Bald Bryan]

Whereas, you know, a guy might be upset if someone corrects him about something. Career based.

[Allison Rosen]

Fucking sexist.

[Bald Bryan]

I know. I can't believe that just came out of my mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

But in general, I think we should all be way more okay with it.

[Allison Rosen]

I agree.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

We used to do a great segment called do yourself a favor, and it was always like, oh, little tips I can use to whatever, improve my life or cut out some time for this or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it doesn't.

[Allison Rosen]

Point is, I ate it up. We took calls, and it was like, yeah, absolutely. Keep them coming.

[Adam Carolla]

I said to Lynette yesterday, you know, she always sets her glasses down, like sunglasses and stuff down lens first, you know, so the lens is just sort of resting on the countertop or whatever it is. And I said. I said yesterday, I said, you know, if you set them down the other way, you won't scratch up the lenses. And she went, okay. And I feel like five years ago, she would have went, that's the way I put them down. So I've coached her up.

[Bald Bryan]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right, let's see. We cool with that? Michael, did we figure that out?

[Wilmer]

Definitely, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. All right, thanks, man. Back on that treadmill, man. Chasing that dream you'll never get to, man. All right, let's take one more phone call, and then we'll start heading towards some news. Frank.

[Wilmer]

Hey, what's up, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, man?

[Wilmer]

Not much. I'm 24. I'm doing comedy in Arizona. I had a question for you. I want to do it. I want to do it as much as I can, but I don't know if I should go to LA or to New York to pursue further.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in la.

[Allison Rosen]

New York, Take all your friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, why not? What's wrong with Arizona? Where are you in Arizona?

[Wilmer]

Sorry, I'm in Mesa, but Scottsdale, Phoenix.

[Adam Carolla]

Area, Pretty much, Mesa is the comedy capital of the world. Picture it's 1991 and you're a grunge band and you're going, I'm moving out of Seattle. Doesn't make any sense at all. You know, look, there's two ways to look at it. One way is I'm in this smallish town, and there's not much in the way of comedy, and I need to go to a big comedy town like New York or Chicago or la, which I don't really consider LA a comedy town. But anyway, I'll go to la. On the other hand, you can get lost. I think your best bet is finding your local club and working out at your local club for a few years and really getting it down. And then you show up in the big city with the bright lights. I think starting in a Smaller place, wherever it is, as long as there's a comedy club that you can get what you really need. It's literally minutes on stage. It's like pilots. How many minutes, how many hours do you have in that pilot seat? It's just about logging that. There's no manual for it. Yeah, you can write, you can carry a notepad, you can rehearse, you can do whatever you want, but it's just literally about logging time on stage. And if you go to LA or New York, you might get pinched for time.

[Allison Rosen]

Plus you go to those bigger cities and you have your thing down, you're not really good, you're gonna wash out pretty quick.

[Adam Carolla]

And also the way a lot of these guys work is they may come take a look at you once and if your shit's not ready, that's what I mean. They just have that bad taste in their mouth. All right, we're gonna take ourselves a very quick break. Baldiwood, RoboCop. Curious about this right after this. All right, we got some news. I got some news for you. My book present me coming out soon. You can pre order it on Amazon if you like. And you know what to do. Adamcroll.com, bookmark it, click through. Keep the pirate ship sailing man. Five years going strong. All thanks to you guys. News second, but first, Paul Bryan, a little hooray for Baldiwood. Hooray for Baldywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for Baldywood.

[Allison Rosen]

Robocop. It's in theaters now.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna put that in the top 10 of movies right underneath Face off where they came up with the title before they came up with the movie premise.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, we got the title. Now what?

[Adam Carolla]

Cops a robot.

[Allison Rosen]

Meeting adjourned.

[Def Frat Guy]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you ever see the first one?

[Adam Carolla]

I did. You know, it's weird, it's 1987. People remember where they were when they were happy. I always remember where I was when I was depressed. And I remember my life was miserable and my girlfriend dumped me and I was going through that 23 year old girlfriend dumped you kind of. Or maybe 21 year old girlfriend dumped you. Whatever. It was blues. And I was just like, I was just devastated. And I remember thinking, I'm gonna go to this movie and be swept away. Like, I'll stop thinking about her. For 90 minutes, you know, And I just sat there miserable the entire time. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So do you remember? Have you seen it since then or is that the only time?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think that's about it.

[Bald Bryan]

You didn't go revisit it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I did not revisit it.

[Allison Rosen]

This is not a movie that gets. You talk about movies that get the run on cable or HBO a lot. It doesn't pop up on TV a whole lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

But this one, this version is directed by Jose Padilla, stars Joel Kinnaman. Gary Oldman's in this, Michael Keaton, Abby Cornish, Jackie Earl Haley, who was Kelly Leek, and the Bad News Bears. And Samuel L. Jackson's in this as well. This is a remake, reboot, I guess I'm not quite. I think series are rebooted, movies are remade, you know, like the one or two. So reboot this. It's been in development since 2005, which is not a great sign. So the original one, Alice, and I assume you have not seen the original RoboCop. It was directed by Paul Verhoeven and it was. A police officer gets nearly killed in the line of duty, really badly. Attempted murder, basically. And they take his nearly lifeless body. They turn him into a robot cop. Half man, half cop. The first one was.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue that almost all cops are half man, half cop, half robot, half cot.

[Allison Rosen]

Ticket riding robot.

[Adam Carolla]

You sure? I need you for me right now. Just go ahead and step out of the vehicle, okay? Right now. Good sir, could you unbuckle your seatbelt for me? Okay. Right now. And slowly open the door. Okay. Right now. License, registration. For me. Okay. Right now. What I need you to do for me, just go ahead and step away from the car, okay? Right now.

[Allison Rosen]

They can't override the programming.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

So one of the main problems with this version, as opposed to the original, obviously there's going to be comparisons. This one's rated PG 13. And I'm sure you remember at least a little bit of the first one is very violent.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, very violent.

[Allison Rosen]

Also smart and funny, but extremely violent. It was kind of satirizing all the violence in 80s movies at the time. There was a scene. I don't know if you remember this scene, but it's a great scene where they have an early model of the RoboCop and it's an actual robot. And they bring him into the boardroom, like, here's our model, and he accidentally shoots up one of the guys in the boardroom. Just a bit like 15 seconds of just Massacring him with machine guns. And after it's done, the guy's sitting there and the CEO looks at the project manager. He goes, dick, I'm very disappointed. It's just a silly desensitization.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember that it was Detroit 2014 or something.

[Allison Rosen]

I think 2005, it might have been somewhere around there.

[Adam Carolla]

We got to figure out when the first Robocop. I mean, it was Detroit 2000 and whatever. But again, it was one of those things where they couldn't quite figure out their cars. There's like a Ford Taurus and put some plywood over the back wheels and paint it silver. As long as you made a weird turbine sound when it took off. It was more about weird sounds. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And then so this one's set in 2028. So we have all this to look forward to in 14 years. You have human brains, but robot bodies. Unfortunately, there's nothing really funny or even as good as that one scene in this one. I don't even think this would be a good date movie for you and Sports Guy Bill Simmons. It's not what it's. I mean, it's a kind of movie, but it's not silly enough. It's not funny enough. It's just very bleh. Well, like, did you ever see Battlefield Earth? It wasn't silly or absurd enough. It was just.

[Adam Carolla]

I just love to see Travolta and dreadlocks.

[Allison Rosen]

That is true.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple things was basically told to us by the schmo's. No guys. That if a movie comes out in this time period, it's being dumped. Especially in action movie. If a movie comes out January, February or February, whatever, it's getting dumped there. When they have a hotel ticket on their hand, they.

[Allison Rosen]

They don't play it so. So early.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They go, oh, we're saving this. A summer blockbuster. You know, the thing's been in development for five years. They can wait another three months.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So when I see us, when I see big time action movie coming out middle of February, I think this probably didn't test. It didn't test very well.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I did think of you though, because there is a Hocus Pocus by Focus does play during a training sequence.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody told me that tweeted me that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, a soul. A. I don't want to talk too much about this movie. It's getting 50% of Rotten Tomatoes. It's not remarkable in any way. Allison's gonna mention in the news that Harold Ramis died today. Great actor and writer and director. I implore anyone who has not seen Groundhog Day to track it down. See it, TiVo it or DVR, get it on Amazon, Netflix, whatever you have to do. It's one of the few perfect movies out there and that. I don't think it'd be improved in any way if they remade it. It couldn't possibly be better. I think it's great. It's funny. It has a message. It's philosophical and stands up.

[Adam Carolla]

So Harold Ramis, Ghostbusters. Harold Ramis.

[Allison Rosen]

He gone to Ghostbusters.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

More about that in Allison's news. But forget about Robocop. Go see Groundhog Day.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Hooray for Bounty Awards. Ah, stamps.com. man. You want to start a company? You want stamps.com on your side? There's a better way. It's called stamps.com. save up to 80% compared to postage meters with the hidden fees and all that kind of long contracts and the hardware and you got to buy. You got a lease. The hardware, no, not with stamps dot com. Mm. Mm. Use your existing address books and send tracking information with one click of the button. So easy. So easy. So easy. @stamps.com. and they got a special offer. You get the digital scale. You plug it in your computer, you weigh your parcel. Exactly what you need comes out of your computer. It's magic. I tell you. They got a hundred and ten dollars bonus offer. It includes digital scale. You get 55 bucks free postage. Only if you enter at them. So why go any other way? There's no other way to do this. It's the future. It's upon us. There's robots.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like RoboCop, but with stamps.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like RoboCop, but with stamps. And this is better. This is better. It's more exciting. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone, top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that is stamps.com. enter Adam. Get this special deal. All right. Now, Allison Rosen in her news.

[Dawson]

The news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay, so first I need to set the record straight about something that no one else cares about. But I feel compelled. Remember how I said there was a guy at Treasure island that I think I made out with many years ago and I was worried we were going to cross paths with him?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I beat off to it. What? Are you telling me something?

[Bald Bryan]

Well, I woke up Sunday morning in Treasure island, and he seemed different. No, I woke up.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Bald Bryan]

I woke up and I was like, wait a minute. I had misremembered his name. So let's say the guy's name was, like, Fred Floop. I thought I made out with a guy named Floop, but I woke up and I'm like, no, wait a minute. His name was Froop.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

So it is possible.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause you heard him from the bathroom going, it's Froop, baby.

[Allison Rosen]

You just got frooped.

[Bald Bryan]

It is again.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

The weird thing, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Watch whatever you like while I'm in my refractory period. I'm gonna shower off.

[Bald Bryan]

The weird thing. They don't look dissimilar, but. So I haven't ruled out entirely the idea that it was that guy. However, I thought that he used to go by his last name in this scenario. Floop. But I remembered in the morning, no, it was Froop. But it would still make sense if he combined his two names. Someone's got to get to the bottom of this. It's not going to be me. I wouldn't even make eye contact with him, even though I don't think. I think that was the wrong guy. Okay. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

So it wasn't him.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm not sure anymore. Someone needs to ask him if he ever went by the name Froop.

[Allison Rosen]

Bottom line, does Adam have to take his jack back?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do I gotta take the jack back because I gotta make a couple of phone calls.

[Bald Bryan]

No, no, no. It's still perfectly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, easy for you to say.

[Bald Bryan]

Under what circumstances would you have to.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, let's just move on. I've invested far too much time in this Froop or Floop already.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay. As Brian mentioned, Harold Ramis did die from Ghostbusters. Writer, actor. He was 69. He'd suffered for several years from an autoimmune disease that caused inflammation and damage to his blood vessels. Dad is home in Chicago.

[Adam Carolla]

He's one of these guys that looked like he was just sort of. He had a young person's demeanor and face and sort of that just. I thought he was great.

[Allison Rosen]

And knocked up as a dad, as Seth Rogen's dad. Yeah, he was great.

[Adam Carolla]

He was just sweet. You could tell he's just one of these guys. I've never met him. He just seemed like a sweet guy.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, he's great in everything.

[Adam Carolla]

It pushed his sweetness kind of pushed through everything he did.

[Bald Bryan]

Dan Aykroyd issued a statement saying he was deeply saddened to hear of the passing of my brilliant, gifted, funny friend, may he now get the answers he was always seeking.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. And by the way, Ackroyd has to throw in one little weird thing at the end of everything. He says.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay, so that struck you as a tiny bit weird as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because Ackroyd has. It's something about the aliens. It's something about the Aztecs and their calendar and the Mayans and whatever's going on. There's something going on. And so everything he says, he can't just say funny and missed. He has to go. Now he's with fill in the blank. Ernie Hudson. Is he still around?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm pretty sure Ernie's still around.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

I could be wrong.

[Bald Bryan]

And also, as we talked about earlier, CNN says Piers Morgan's talk show is ending. He had the show for three. His last air date has not been determined. But before he did this, he had hosted Britain's Got Talent, America's Got Talent, he was a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice, and he hosted BBC's you can't fire me, I'm Famous, which I would like to watch that show.

[Adam Carolla]

I would, too. That's what he said. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

So Morgan told the New York Times that his show lately had, quote, taken a bath in the ratings, but that he and CNN president Jeff Zucker were discussing a new role for him at the channel. Although his future.

[Adam Carolla]

Janitor.

[Bald Bryan]

What'd he say?

[Adam Carolla]

Janitor.

[Bald Bryan]

His future with CNN is undetermined. Morgan also said that CNN's audience has tired of hearing a Brit weigh in on American cultural issues. That's his assessment, Maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he got kind of gun obsessed at the end and it just sort of made it his cause celeb.

[Bald Bryan]

He got very political.

[Adam Carolla]

People just wanted him to interview celebrities. And well, in luck, who knows? CNN's, aren't they taking a pounding?

[Bald Bryan]

I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

And so if the whole station's going down, then you're going to go down, too. I don't either way. Is he going to be replaced? Are they going to get somebody else? Are they just going to scrap the whole thing?

[Bald Bryan]

That hasn't come out yet. I would bet they're going to scrap it, but I don't really know. Now, did you like Larry King?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's funny, Larry King was always easy to make fun of. He's an easy target and he's a little blowhardy and he's a guy who wears suspenders and designer jeans and things like that. But when I went and did Larry King's show that he's still doing on the Internet. I found him to be very engaging and sharp, and he had a good sense of humor, and he's a good interviewer. Like, you went like, oh, this guy's got bones. You know, for the interviewing. Like, you felt like you're being interviewed, so. And he was a nice guy and everything. So I never really had strong opinions one way or the other with him. But I did find him to be enchanting a few months back when I did his show.

[Bald Bryan]

And where are you with Charlie Rose?

[Adam Carolla]

I like, he needs a smaller table. It's like Thanksgiving, and nobody showed up with him. It's just always, like, yelling across this huge round table. Like, I don't know who designed that set. Like, we need a. A table the size of a monster truck tire will put it down, and Charlie Rose will sit on one side and the other guy will sit on the other, and they'll yell across the table at him.

[Bald Bryan]

I feel like Bill Maher has a similar table design.

[Adam Carolla]

He has a mammoth sort of almost boomerang that's been filled in.

[Allison Rosen]

But he has five or six people at that table, though. That makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He has a row of people that's like a bar. He just has he. Charlie Rose. It looks like your grandparents eating alone. It's sad. Where are the kids? Where are the grandkids? There's so much life in this house before. Now you guys are sitting there. I've met him before. Seems like a nice guy. I don't really. It's funny, but the only one on one kind of interviews I usually watch in that kind of Serious format is 60 minutes. I was watching every weekend, whoever pops up. So he was interesting to me for some. I don't know. To me, the interview. You should go to them. Like, I liked it when they go to Johnny Carson's house, and he'd be sitting there in his tennis shorts, or next thing you know, he's playing the drums, you know, and they're just standing there watching him playing. Like, them coming to you and getting all made up and sitting on your set always feels a little stilted. Like, maybe you should just go to them.

[Bald Bryan]

Like cribs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like cribs. I like that. Although things that always drive me nuts about cribs or it's like, I've never heard of this rapper before. How's he have nine Bentleys? And then are people padding their garage because they're shooting cribs and they're trying to piss everyone off.

[Allison Rosen]

They're calling their friends. Like, hey, you have a Rolls, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. Hey, little Bow Wow, could you come by and bring the dune buggy? We can just drop it off.

[Bald Bryan]

Freezers too?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we need a bunch of shit. Yeah, I need a koi pond. Like, you're always like, where? And then they always live in a confusing place, like somewhere just outside Atlanta or North Carolina. Where you're like, I bet that house isn't that much.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

But she's like, jesus Christ on four acres. Where do you get all that acreage? Then you're like, still, I bet you couldn't get a house in Sherman Oaks for that price. And then you're like, you never.

[Bald Bryan]

And then. Do you do the math? Well, you actually have experienced some of this where you're like, now if I had the kind of money where I could get that kind of house in that place, would I get that? Or would I get the smaller one in the other place?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? And then you're like, man, who's. This guy's smart because he's living outside of Atlanta and he has a whole skate park in his backyard. Now, you could live out here, but you wouldn't. You'd have a condominium.

[Bald Bryan]

You couldn't have a pool in the shape of a cowboy boot.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

The background of every shot, there's always employees wandering around like, are they on the payroll?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The biggest cooked part, pardon the pun, of cribs, is the kitchen and the refrigerator. Because when they open that fridge up and you have 19 of those vitamin waters with the label all facing out and the coconut, no way. Everyone's fridge is a fucking mess. Those guys definitely get in there and fluff that fridge. They use a fridge fluffer.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how they say it too. Get in there and fluff that fridge.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

My least favorite part of cribs, though, is the contrived end shot where the person's like, go on, get out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta get out of here. Every once in a blue moon they do the cribs where it's like, this guy is the BMX bike rider who got silver in the X Games two years ago. And he's living in a semi shitty place like outside of Hawaiian Gardens. And it's just a little bit depressing. Like he's got 1700 square feet, but the fascia is a little fucked up on the single story house. And it's like, is this really, like there needs to be a little bit of a crib vetting process?

[Bald Bryan]

Definitely here, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

A scout yeah, you're mentioning Charlie Rose's oversized table reminded me of a scene that you used to see in movies all the time, and I don't think you ever see it anymore, which is the super rich estranged couple sitting on opposite sides of the giant dining table.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. And then there'd be that scene where they dressed for dinner and then that scene where they would say, like, Lloyd, tell Mrs. Carmichael if she would like another helping of peas. Perhaps she should get up before noon. There's a lot of using the help to basically as a carrier pigeon to deliver messages back and forth. There's a lot of 80s. A lot of that 80s stuff was. It's funny because things in the 80s, people who are rich were like very rich, but they were comedy rich. Everyone was named Buffy. Like even the beginning. I don't know why, I'm just flashing onto this, but remember Bachelor Party and like Tom Hanks is pulling up like a school bus and there's always that everything was Arthur, you know, going to meet his father in law. Like rich guys are super rich and they wore like hunting jackets all the time and they're very stuffy. And yeah, they sat and smoked big cigars and big high backed chairs. Like it was very rich. Like Mark Cuban's rich. But it's not that.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a very different kind of rich.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Lifestyle, I should say.

[Adam Carolla]

And everybody was rich and miserable and only liked people that were richer than them and were cruel to everybody else.

[Allison Rosen]

And were either just coming from playing tennis or just about to go out to play tennis.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

Speaking of movies, a woman in South Carolina was jailed for not returning a video that she rented in 2005. It was a VH test. Excuse me, VHS tape of the movie Monster in Law with Jennifer Lopez. She was arrested in Pickens County, South Carolina on a misdemeanor charge of failure to return the video. She was at the county sheriff's office on another matter when an active warrant for her arrest was discovered.

[Adam Carolla]

I could never. My thing was always this. Jane Fonda took a 20 year sabbatical from acting to come back after reading the script for Monster in Law.

[Allison Rosen]

She was so moved.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know what I'm saying? Why does that bring you back?

[Allison Rosen]

And it's like at that point, please just be honest with us and say, oh, there's a big payday involved. They offered me a lot. I suppose I miss the craft of acting.

[Adam Carolla]

So. Right, right. Really right.

[Bald Bryan]

So after renting the movie, she had to move out of state because of her husband's job and she simply forgot about the movie. And that's how all this happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Bald Bryan]

Shouldn't there be a statute? Like at a certain point you just own it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that thing. Every once in a blue moon, way back in the day, somebody would rent Mighty Ducks 2 and lose the tape. And they would tell you that's $111 you owe the Blockbuster. It was an insane, the idea that a VHS tape is basically worthless now, but back then it was some insane amount of money. Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, that's actually making me remember something that I hadn't thought of in forever, which is, I think in college there may have been a couple of books that I ended up like, somehow it ended up being cheaper to just keep them than to pay the fines.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I said, I didn't get my grant, I didn't get my certificate, my diploma, because I did not return my book. Also rewinding, being kind and rewinding is also kind of interesting. I don't know, like to see the batting average on this regular movies versus porn and the batting average on rewinding because you first, at first blush you'd go, oh, the porn guy, he's a deviant. He didn't rewind. He doesn't care about. He's a solo artist. He's a lone wolf McWhack. He flies, flies, flies under the radar and he flies alone. But then you think it's a little bit telling where you leave the porn, you know what I mean? And it's not telling where you leave Mighty Ducks 2. No one gives a shit. Oh, that's a scene where he pulls up in a huge limousine and all the kids are playing out in the pond. That doesn't mean anything unless that's your thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, could mean a lot, but in.

[Adam Carolla]

The porn world it means something. Yeah, I'm just wondering, curious what the batting average would be. I like the video stores that had the battery operated rewinder. Yeah, that was there.

[Allison Rosen]

There was a period where Blockbuster tried to push those on its customers. Like, get a rewinder, saves five years off the life of your vcr. I remember the pitch. I was like, wow, how could that.

[Adam Carolla]

Be, by the way? When I. My, my porn equivalent to, you know, an alcoholic drinking nail polish remover, you know, my bottom out was bottom out. This was called bottom out. I swear to God, one time back when everything was vhs, I pulled out a look going, who do I got in my collection here, what's. And I pulled one out. I was like, hit cleaner. I don't remember seeing this one. That sounds like something I could get behind. I popped it in. It was like, fucking tape's fucked up. Fast forward a little bit here.

[Allison Rosen]

Just the guy who pulled polish remover. Some kind of new vodka. It's pink.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. No, because I took a china pencil at some point, and it wasn't, you know, it didn't say maxell head cleaner. It was. It was like, with all these black tapes. And I was like, I gotta start marking these things with a china pencil so I don't get confused anymore. And I wrote head cleaner. And also, I was writing in some code, too, so it could have been something.

[Bald Bryan]

Side note, how often do people really need to write on china that they have all those pencils devoted just to it?

[Adam Carolla]

China markers are used for everything but writing on china. And duct tape is used for everything but duct work.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. All right. Now a porn question. When you're talking about it, it made me wonder, okay, so you're watching porn, and then you ejaculate. What do you do with the porn? Like, do you slam it off right away? Do you throw your iPad across the room? Are you disgusted with yourself?

[Adam Carolla]

I backhand it and yell, you sicken me.

[Allison Rosen]

Turn it off. In shame. Is really.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You leave this house, never return. Then I run outside. I was only getting. When I'm crying, waiting, the tears back come back. I've had this argument in this discussion with guys before, and it's a real kind of interesting. I think it splits the guys down the middle. All right, now we got to get everybody. All the males and the in betweens that are here today. I want to know. I've talked to guys and went, look, you rent a porn movie. You got to watch that whole movie because you don't know what the hell someone you went to high school with could be in the last 10 minutes of the thing, you know, and who knows? Let me paint you a scenario. You beat off to some, you know, B cup who's a minus, you know, she's a six plus. And then in your refractory period, you're hit by a garbage truck and killed. That's your last jack. And then later on in the movies, a couple chicks you went to high school with. How'd you like to go through eternity?

[Allison Rosen]

That way, it's everyone's greatest fear.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what happened to my grandfather.

[Bald Bryan]

I shudder, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So I've talked to guys, and I went like, you gotta go through the movie, and then you gotta go back and find the good Part and they're like, what? No, you just put it on and like, you know whatever's going on and you know he may pay you forward a little bit. I vet it. Wow.

[Dawson]

I agree with you.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm with you get turned on or is that the point?

[Adam Carolla]

First off, here's how old we are. Me and Dawson in the building have rented a porno movie. But I mean, all right, you buy a porno movie and, or a Blu ray. Do you need Gary to watch what is on that said Blu ray or do you just kind of get to the part you like where you like?

[Bald Bryan]

Okay, Gary, you're looking at a four minute clip.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I've been given Blu rays before. I don't think I've ever actually bought or rented one. But when you, when you're given a.

[Allison Rosen]

Feature length porn, you scan through that bitch on 3 or 4x and look.

[Adam Carolla]

At all of it and then pick where you're gonna go. Thank you. Absolutely correct. Thank you, genius. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm the only one who didn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

So you didn't do it?

[Allison Rosen]

There was a for me part.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I had roommates that didn't do that.

[Allison Rosen]

Part of the allure was the newness of it. There's. You can't ever recapture what if you.

[Adam Carolla]

Hit by the garbage truck.

[Allison Rosen]

You can't ever capture the newness.

[Dawson]

That's the bad end of doing this is once you've scammed through the whole thing and seen what you like and then gone back to that, everything else in there is ruined. You can't use it again.

[Adam Carolla]

So Dawson, you with Brian?

[Dawson]

I'm with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait a minute.

[Dawson]

I'm with you. Except in scanning through the whole movie first. Ruins the whole movie for me. Can't go back.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But by the way, it's a movie where you don't even have the fucking sound up. So how bad could it be ruined and alright, so let me get this straight. You will go watch the whole movie first? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. And then Mike Altier, you. Oh no, I can only watch the part that I'm gonna watch. Yeah. And then like do my thing and.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll watch the whole thing through. But I. Yeah, if I see anything else and then have to go back to it later, it ruins it for me.

[Dawson]

Me standing too close to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Hold on a second.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you don't have to. Do you go through the fucking movie first or not? Do you go through the movie first or do you go or not? Oh no, no, no. So Wait a second. Now we got goes through. Goes through. Goes through. Doesn't. Doesn't. I mean, out of five people, here comes the tiebreaker. Kalin never actually watched a porno movie. Right. Understood.

[Bald Bryan]

What about Chris?

[Adam Carolla]

But if you did. Go through it. Go through it.

[Allison Rosen]

Go through it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we're four to two now in the sane department.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm somehow insane for liking the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson. At least Dawson admits it ruins it for him.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I can't go back. I've seen it already.

[Adam Carolla]

Surprised. Max Pata, Fast forward. Hey, buddy, you watch the whole thing or what do you do?

[Allison Rosen]

I used to watch the whole thing, but then I kind of figured out the formula of what parts are where. And then you kind of already know, like, oh, the first third.

[Adam Carolla]

That's probably like blowjob smart.

[Bald Bryan]

And then.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, so you can predict. But when you've come to my knowledge and skill and experience.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're saying I've had this happen before where? I'll give you an example. Like when you go to Home Depot and you got to pick out a bunch of one by six redwood dog eared fencing. I buy a bunch of fencing, you need like 100 sticks of it. You know, sexy talk. We have wood and at a certain point you start picking through a pile that you realize, oh, this has been picked through before. And then you start thinking, oh, I'll go behind it. And then you realize, no, no, no, whatever's behind it is worse than that's been gone through too. Like two by fours. They're not saving the nines and tens for minute 51 of the movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, are these movies front loaded?

[Adam Carolla]

They're front lo. Yeah, no, it's a front load.

[Allison Rosen]

Great series, by the way. Front loading. It's the best part is usually, I think I want to say the second scene and then the second best is probably the last scene. The first is mediocre and then the rest is filler.

[Bald Bryan]

I would love to see if this applies to all porn in skate videos.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they do. I know that dude. You beat off the skate videos. Well, there is a. There is a thing. I mean, it's sort of. It's not the same, but it's like when you're gay, when you're comedian and you're trying to kind of figure out your act, you're like, let's get out of the gate strong. Then we can have some filler in the middle. But it's something should be good somewhere in the middle. And then we can have more filler. And then get out with something strong, like the end. Like there's an order laying out an.

[Bald Bryan]

Album structure of porn.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. All right. Let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Bald Bryan]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Dawson]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, again. Fifth. Fifth. Well, five years. Our fifth year. Where's the time gone? Thank you so much for supporting the show and all that we do. Because you make it possible. It is so nice to move onward and upward, but only because of you and only because you share with friends. So thank you so much. And until next time, it's Adam Kroll for Allison Rosen and Paul Brian saying mahalo because I said so.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, this is Adam Kroll Show 1268. Coming up next, we have Adam Carlisle Show 1283. Jason Ellis, def Rat Guy. Allison Rosen. Brian Bishop, also 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's here. We're going to be in San Francisco in May doing a podcast. That'll be the usual crew, plus whatever scintillating personality Mike August digs up over there in the Golden City. Good to see Allison Rosen. Bubbles. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Hey, Larry's Larry. Bubbles Brown brought his A game. Hello. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes, he did. And the bald one. Bald Brian. I'm trying. Get it together.

[Dawson]

Boy, there's so many smart guys.

[Allison Rosen]

That was Rob McCallum, 99, who wanted that on Twitter at the hashtag top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Dfg. Def Rat guys in the studio. Hey, there's a food. Yeah, boy. Yeah, we're gonna do some JV or all balls with the Def Rat guy.

[Jason Ellis]

Moose is in San Francisco.

[Adam Carolla]

Moose is out there just hanging out.

[Jason Ellis]

Well, he has a job now. We got moved to corporate at the San Francisco Jackson.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's he at again?

[Jason Ellis]

In the corporate? He's not working the door anymore, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he said corporate now.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

San Francisco Jacks.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, I mean, somewhere they have to handle their travel. Like when they fly to Australia to take on the Melbourne wankers.

[Adam Carolla]

The Jack. I don't know what the Jack. I'm sorry? Jacks.

[Jason Ellis]

The San Francisco Jacks. It's a group of guys who get together and they like to beat off together.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. But I don't get the competition part.

[Jason Ellis]

Well, it's just like a meat. There's no judging.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Jason Ellis]

I guess who's having a better time or who Nutty first or whatever, right? Yeah, but, you know, it's like somebody had to get them plane tickets to Australia or to any other jacked affiliate throughout the country.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And These are just fellows who just enjoy masturbating with each other and would rather have some company. Like, I don't like going to movies alone.

[Jason Ellis]

No, no, dude. I personally wouldn't do it, but I felt better. Moose is like that. It says right on the door. No butt play.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. Yeah. It's not. Yeah. Moose not gay.

[Jason Ellis]

Hell no.

[Adam Carolla]

He did get wood though. I remember when the Rolling Stones were doing the halftime show at the super bowl and he nodded all. I can't remember the story, but he got some wood.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, but he was a sophomore, Mark.

[Adam Carolla]

I was a sophomore. Okay.

[Jason Ellis]

He was a. No, no, he was a sophomore.

[Adam Carolla]

A sophomore at the time. Oh, okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Raging testosterone.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Jason Ellis]

He just taught. Mick thought that we did the lip.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, did the lip thing.

[Jason Ellis]

And you know, he like, he's like, sorry bro, you gave me wood.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Jason Ellis]

Guilty and child.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? No, he's up front. Understood. So we got some JV Earl balls coming up. We had a little earthquake out here very early in the morning. I had this strange, you know your little pre dream, which is your little thoughts before you go to bed where you just kind of run things, but they're not linear and as concrete as other thoughts that you may be having when you're awake and completely lucid. But it's not the bizarre fantasy.

[Bald Bryan]

Like you're not really seeing stuff yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you're just kind of. I had a. I was starting to fall asleep last night and I was picturing fault lines. I was just picturing where the fault lines are and how the fault lines are laid out and like how the San Andreas fault lays out. And then I was sort of got into that. Geez, I wonder if there's a fault. I was picturing a fault line going down my street and it was just fault lines. I don't know why I don't think about it that much. I have no fear of earthquakes. And I was just thinking about fault lines and then I went to bed and then about 6:30 in the morning, everything started shaking and Lynette said, we're having an earthquake. And I said, yep. And then I just popped. I didn't never stood up. I just leaned up and looked around and went, eh. And I went back to bed and I don't think about it at all. I used to do earthquake rehab work and I always tell people, I guess like people who work with sharks who don't really have a fear of sharks, or people who watch Jaws and then they don't want to go in the.

[Allison Rosen]

Ocean, they respect Them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I have a thing where it's like I just realized statistically what the chances of you getting bitten by a shark and how most of them are docile and even the so called man eaters aren't really man eaters and blah blah, blah. I used to tear apart buildings and do earthquake rehab. And anybody who lives in a single family dwelling that's framed of wood and has stucco on the outside of it not going anywhere at any time, no matter how big the earthquake is, I.

[Bald Bryan]

Think that people who grew up out here with earthquake earthquakes just aren't that afraid of them. Like, I've only met one person who was terrified by earthquakes and it's someone who moved out here from Boston.

[Adam Carolla]

And we should not judge what goes on in, you know, Central America as any indicator whatsoever is what would go on here. If you see Central America and what goes on in Guatemala when there's an earthquake, there is, it's all unreinforced masonry and all those places. If you ever travel, you ever go to tj, defrac? I go Tijuana.

[Jason Ellis]

Hell yeah, we have a chapter there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you have a chapter in tj?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So when you go, if you ever drive from Tijuana to like Rosarita beach or into Ensenada or any of that.

[Jason Ellis]

Stuff, if you're in the mood for seafood, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Oh, great. Rosarito, great. Yeah. Fish tacos and lobster tacos and all that kind of stuff and cheap beer and everything.

[Jason Ellis]

Tacos, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

I hear you, I hear you.

[Jason Ellis]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is this. You will see nothing but half complete. It's insane, but a bunch of cinder block buildings that don't even have roofs on them because they don't have two by six to put up for joists. But they have the four walls and then like no roof. And some of them are half built, some are abandoned, whatever. Everything is concrete, cement, unreinforced blocks, blah, blah, blah. And when there's an earthquake, it all comes down here. Everything is two by fours with shear wall plywood put on the outside of it. And if anyone has ever attempted to rip a piece of plywood off of a two by four wall that's already been nailed off, it's nearly impossible. It is gum in the pubes impossible. Am I right? Dfg?

[Jason Ellis]

I was just thinking, bro. You were thinking about far land. It's weird because last night I was, I'm like, God damn it, I should crack that dirty pack open. Just, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right, right.

[Jason Ellis]

Dude, it's not gonna kill you. I know the dirty pack was for today, right? But I'm thinking. And dude, let me tell you. And then I went to bed, right? It was not a linear thought. It's like, crack that dirty pack. It's like, no bro, you've had enough today.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jason Ellis]

Then it's like, grab that beer out of the dirty pack.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jason Ellis]

You need that natty ice or you will not sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Bryan]

So did you get it?

[Jason Ellis]

No. But sure enough, at 6:30 in the morning, I cracked that brew. And let me tell you, that shit, that natty ice, 6:30. That thing went down faster than immolation.

[Adam Carolla]

777 jet's too soon. You know what's so funny? I just did. I was doing Chelsea Handler's show and my handler Melissa from the Spike Channel, she shows up at all these. She's the publicist. And it's the greatest gig in the world because you don't really have to do anything but you just show up and make sure I don't forget my bathrobe when I'm leaving. And she's a super sweet, nice lady and we just sit there and talk, you know, and she. I'm always surprised to see her because I'm always like, what are you doing here? Oh, that's my job. You know, it's like, but what? You know, I show up, they put makeup on you, then they push you out there and then you go do your thing. But they're always there and that's just their job. And she's fine and they're running it on the news. And she looked at me and she went. And I must admit this is. There's a little ethnic stereotyping going on here because she's Asian. And whenever I see Asian, I always just think super competent, super smart. It's just me. And plus, she's earned it, you know, she's got a good gig. Educated, arguably.

[Bald Bryan]

That's why there are so many Asian news anchors.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Bald Bryan]

I've heard that as a theory that you trust it when you get the news from.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point. Yeah. They go, they're not bullshit artists.

[Bald Bryan]

You know, like you trust information about dancing from someone who's British.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Jason Ellis]

Rob Fukujima on the news here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Sports. Right?

[Jason Ellis]

Sports.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I. She looked at me and she goes, yeah, I got a. I got theories. What happened to that 777 and I went, oh, well, this is going to be good. Because she's Asian, you know what I mean? She's something solid. Right? She Goes, oh, he landed that plane. He's keeping them all hostage. And I was like, I gave the what? And then she gave the what's the matter with me look, like, what you don't like?

[Bald Bryan]

It's so obvious. Just tied it all together.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm like, hold on, who's he? The pilot Landed a full size jet somewhere and just filed over 238 people off the plane and just kind of.

[Bald Bryan]

Keeping it hush hush, no ransom, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Anything, no contact, but nobody. You can't land that plane on a fucking soccer field. You'd need 2,000ft easily.

[Jason Ellis]

He would let them out, but not until they kill that keg.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, that's right. So my point is this. I did the what the fuck kinda idea is this? I've never heard this one. And then she gave me the look like, what the fuck? What else would it be? And I'm like, what else would it be? Every.

[Bald Bryan]

All the other options. All the other options.

[Adam Carolla]

She said to the guy in the room, like, what else is there? And I'm like, everything. This one's not even. Forget about on the table. It's not in the dining room.

[Allison Rosen]

So she wasn't accounting for other possibilities.

[Adam Carolla]

This was her theory, and it is a theory. I said to her, I must write that down, and I must discuss that on my podcast, because this is. I think. And she goes, all right, she did this one, but if I'm right, you're getting an email. And I said, first off, me and the families are praying for that email.

[Allison Rosen]

I hope you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Where could they. It's 2014. They possibly land that jet somewhere and then file everyone off the plane and put them in some bunker, something. What's the plane doing?

[Bald Bryan]

It's in Area 51.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right.

[Jason Ellis]

It's an Amelia Earnhardt situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Earnhardt was the NASCAR guy?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. Amelia Earnhardt.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Earnhardt.

[Bald Bryan]

Hear the difference?

[Adam Carolla]

Earnhardt. You're thinking of Dale Earnhardt.

[Jason Ellis]

No. Amelia.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Amelia Earnhardt Jr. No. Oh, no, now you're getting confused.

[Jason Ellis]

Amelia Earnhardt Jr. No, hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Amelia Earhart was. She was a pilot. Yeah. And then there's Dale Earnhardt. He's the intimidator or the enforcer, whatever. He died. And then there's the son, Junior. He's also into nascar.

[Jason Ellis]

In the Bermuda Triangle?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it's like Talladega and places, you know, Bristol, Places like that.

[Jason Ellis]

Plane racing?

[Adam Carolla]

No, not plane racing. He does car racing.

[Jason Ellis]

Oh, hell yeah. Though his grandmother was Amelia Earnhardt Jr. Yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, she wasn't a junior, she's Earhart. Who? Okay, we'll talk this one out there.

[Jason Ellis]

I don't know where you're getting your facts, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

It is weird that her name was Earhart, right?

[Allison Rosen]

That was her name. I was worried about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, because, well, it's got heart and air. I mean, like, if you're making a movie about a courageous flyer and someone said, I'm gonna name her Earhart, I'd be like, little on the nose. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that thing where the cop is named Stonebreaker or something. It's kind of a little bit like a comical character. Yeah. Reel it in just a little bit. Right.

[Bald Bryan]

Like an art teacher named Mrs. Painter or a dentist, Dr. Smiley. I had a very bizarre experience last night. My little dog's penis got stuck outside of its little penis sheath. I had to coax it back in.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Bald Bryan]

It was. And upsetting at the same time for all parties involved.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. How'd you coax it back in ky?

[Bald Bryan]

And a Q tip.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And Daniel's like, no, you have to get it more. Because I was just like, lightly dab dabbing.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, she did a bad striptease.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. I mean, I jacked him off and.

[Jason Ellis]

Jack off a dog.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no Q tip in ky. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And there was some blood though, too, which was sad. He's been vigorously humping his bed sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I just. Just picture Ann Coulter. Pow. Right back, right back. Car goes right back in the garage.

[Bald Bryan]

I wish he had done that. You just had visions of his own bed.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to get the Q tip and the Vaseline or the Kyle.

[Bald Bryan]

So, yeah, I was trying to just put on top, but then Daniel was saying, no, you got to get it like under the sheath. He didn't see. He didn't seem to mind. He possibly enjoyed it. Anyway, everything's okay today, but it was upsetting.

[Adam Carolla]

You should always, when you tell this story, by the way, like when you're talking to your friends that don't judge and parents and stuff like that. Say doggy Ky, because if you just go ky, that means we had to.

[Bald Bryan]

Go all the way to the store. And I didn't even know where to.

[Adam Carolla]

Find it to get the doggy ky. Y. It wasn't like we grabbed the 55 gallon drum of it that we keep. Well, we can't, obviously it's too heavy to put up in a cupboard, but we keep it in a barrel by the bedroom.

[Bald Bryan]

We have a tap for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jason Ellis]

But dude, this is why you have to stay in noodle and circumcise your pet. If the dog was uncircumcised, we would not be.

[Adam Carolla]

We would not be talking about this right now. That's right. All right, so, Defrec Guy, you've got the JV or All balls.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, I try to tailor it to. As if what we were saying already.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Well, that's good. Well, let me give a little love to one of our sponsors, by the way, just in the doggy penis department. All right. Dfg.

[Jason Ellis]

Okay. All.

[Adam Carolla]

All.

[Jason Ellis]

It boils.

[Allison Rosen]

No, bro. Gotta hear your intro. Well, we gotta hear.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're gonna hear your intro. We'll tell you when it's done.

[Dawson]

And now, Mangria presents the deaf frat guy and JV for all balls.

[Adam Carolla]

He calls from the frat house onto the show. The deaf rap guy hearing in Pedro. He's hammered all day long with Poochie, Moose and Micah. They chug some fruit ch. You potato guns and then play Loki cookies. If something's pushing, he'll make the call. So now it's time for tv. Or balls.

[Jason Ellis]

Is it time?

[Adam Carolla]

It's time.

[Jason Ellis]

It's time. Oh, okay. Those oversized ghetto truck nuts on the bumper.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the truck nuts hanging on either the bumper or the differential I've seen, too.

[Jason Ellis]

Either one. They're big.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Big truck nuts. JV are all balls.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say, on the Ford F250 with the body lift kit and the suspension lift in it and the gun rack, it's borderline retarded. But if somebody would put that on a Prius or Smart Car, it'd be very ironic and funny. I'd love to see it on a Smart Car. Of course, it would definitely affect your mileage, just things dragging behind it. But on the truck with, you know, that thing on. Ooh, there's one on a Prius. You just found a picture.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If I sell that on a Smart Car with, like, a chip driving it, that'd be ironic and funny. But on a truck, jv.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, by the strictest definition of the word, it's all balls. That's all balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a good point. It is all balls. It's nothing but balls. Allison.

[Bald Bryan]

I feel like it's jv.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Ellis]

It is jv. Ace would write air on a Prius, all balls. But the truck should speak for itself.

[Adam Carolla]

The truck speaks for itself.

[Jason Ellis]

For himself.

[Adam Carolla]

For himself. Yeah. Truck's a dude. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

What about Words with Friends?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how that works.

[Jason Ellis]

I don't Feel like I. I don't know what the fuck it is.

[Adam Carolla]

How's it work? Does Alec Baldwin know how it works? Was that his thing?

[Jason Ellis]

You play with your friends and you make words, but how he wanted to.

[Bald Bryan]

Play it on an airplane.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but what's the.

[Allison Rosen]

It's Scrabble.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Scrabble.

[Allison Rosen]

Scrabble.

[Adam Carolla]

I stay away from anything that could be even remotely close to a learning experience. Mm.

[Jason Ellis]

Jv.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Jv. Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

What about chicken fried steak?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

That'S pretty goddamn good.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good. I never fucking squeezed a trigger on it, though, on the menu. I feel like if I went to somebody's house and they were cooking out or they were doing something, I'd be on it. But I don't believe at a restaurant unless it was one of those super highfalutin restaurants that did the fancy, did the. Yeah, it did the comfort food at 30 bucks a plate. You know that's bullshit. Well, we went to one with Phil Rosenthal, remember?

[Allison Rosen]

That's exactly Fried chicken knife.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Where you had like, $30 fried chicken in Beverly Hills, which is really good, but I still. It's a Denny's item that I never have the balls to squeeze the trigger on.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Blind taste test between Roscoe's chicken and Waffles and. And bouchon. It'd be hard to tell the difference.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

They're both delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

But now we're talking about chicken fried steak.

[Allison Rosen]

That or meatloaf. What is enjoyable get ordered less.

[Adam Carolla]

I think for me personally, meatloaf is ordered five to one over the chicken fried steak. I never ordered the chicken fried steak. It scares me. What scares me is white Gravy, which is my gay porn name. But it's just. Nothing good could come from white gravy. I've just. I don't have.

[Bald Bryan]

I feel like it doesn't stay in gravy form. Doesn't it just turn into a shell?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's congeal. It congeals almost immediately. I like gravy. I don't like white gravy.

[Allison Rosen]

Chicken fire steak for me is all balls, though.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna. I mean, it's all balls, but not in a way. I still haven't ordered it in 10 years.

[Allison Rosen]

It's mostly balls.

[Bald Bryan]

I gotta go, JV, because why do you have to do that to a steak if it's all balls? Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You're saying. Allison's saying the steak should stand on.

[Jason Ellis]

Its own, but it's not chicken fried. It confused me at first.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jason Ellis]

Because. Why don't you say Fried steak.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason Ellis]

But then I had it and I ate it and ate it and ate it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. A lot of passionate today. It's good, huh?

[Jason Ellis]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you use the white gravy for the biscuit? The biscuit?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. You dunk the biscuit up. But it's something that maybe you would have on St. Patrick's Day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Jason Ellis]

JV or all balls.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, what is that?

[Adam Carolla]

St. Patrick's Day?

[Bald Bryan]

All balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I go all balls.

[Allison Rosen]

Is there anything JV about it?

[Adam Carolla]

It's all balls. No, it's all balls.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, everyone in the streets, that's pretty annoying, but it's still all balls.

[Adam Carolla]

All balls.

[Jason Ellis]

I like to drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Jason Ellis]

I don't like snakes. I don't like snake. St. Patrick drove all the snake from Ireland.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason Ellis]

But this is amateur hour.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Oh, you mean everyone out? The guys who aren't real drinkers.

[Jason Ellis]

Put my green leprechaun hat on and get weighty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't like these guys.

[Jason Ellis]

Hello. We have come to my world.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah. You don't like those guys, Right?

[Jason Ellis]

Every dude, you know, like, it's like, oh, here's the one night. It's just one of those holidays. Average joe, 30 pack, to look like.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's joe six pack, joe.

[Jason Ellis]

18 pack, natty ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason Ellis]

But it's like these holidays where you have to, you know, like, you. Everybody get wasted, even if you do not want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason Ellis]

New Year's Eve.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

Cinco de Mayo, Easter.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. What?

[Jason Ellis]

The holidays where they make, you know, it's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think people. I don't think everyone gets wasted on Easter. That's more religious with the eggs.

[Jason Ellis]

Knowledge.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's for the kids, I think.

[Jason Ellis]

No, you find the egg and it has a shot in it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, the kids look for the egg, I think.

[Jason Ellis]

No, no, you take the egg and it had the Goldschlanger in it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you just do that at the frat house. Yeah, they do. That's not done. Like, at the churches. Not that weed they need. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm just saying it's different. All right. You got one more for us?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. Dude, this is. What do you think about when you see something in nature that is so beautiful it makes you cry?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you mean like deer fucking, like.

[Jason Ellis]

The double rainbow guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, double rainbow. Oh, right, right. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Being overwhelmed by the majesty of nature.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Majestic.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see. Yeah. I was watching 60 Minutes on Sunday night, and they were doing these drones and they had Cameras in the drones. I had someone just fly directly over the top of waterfall and it was absolutely Niagara Falls. But it was absolutely amazing. Just hovering, seeing it all just go straight down, you know. It's very touching. I didn't cry, but it was pretty powerful. Yeah. What'd you see? Did you see something?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah, I thought a seagull and then this big fucking hawk come out and take it down. It just was feathered everywhere. And the hawk, like sitting there eating it and like looking at me and I'm like, hell yeah, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, that was nature.

[Jason Ellis]

And then I. I don't know, it was at the beat, right? And I had maybe some sunscreen in my eye.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you think it was sunscreen or you think maybe just the majesty of that act, you know, just that. Just the strength and the power of that hawk maybe just made you well up.

[Jason Ellis]

It was the hawk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And maybe you're still thinking about Mike F. Oh, shit. Who died last week?

[Bald Bryan]

Suds. Sudsy.

[Jason Ellis]

Suggsy.

[Adam Carolla]

Suggsy, Suggsy. That's right. You thought it was Mike F. That's right.

[Jason Ellis]

I thought it was Mike T. Oh, sorry, Mike T. But all these people now saying, like, they bring. All these people died of AEA that I didn't even know about auto.

[Adam Carolla]

Ironic asphyxiation.

[Jason Ellis]

The guy who invented the light bulb or Thomas Edison.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

No, he was one.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he died.

[Jason Ellis]

He was like the Elephant Man.

[Adam Carolla]

No, hold on.

[Allison Rosen]

John Merrick.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a second though. Hold on a second. Edison was like 91 when he died.

[Jason Ellis]

Yet doing what he loved.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, he was old. How old was Edison? Edison was an old guy.

[Allison Rosen]

He did not of advanced age.

[Adam Carolla]

He did not die. And by the way, he was old, you know, sort of back then. And you made it, you know, you saw 84.

[Jason Ellis]

He had all his life to come up with his greatest invention, how to. Not the best way.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, he didn't invent that.

[Jason Ellis]

I mean, the worst way.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he didn't. He was 84. He didn't die doing that. Yeah, it's, you know.

[Jason Ellis]

Mozart.

[Adam Carolla]

Mozart. How do you even know.

[Jason Ellis]

A lot of pro wrestlers?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, yeah, that. I. That maybe I could see that.

[Allison Rosen]

Turnbuckle accidents.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Jason Ellis]

George Harrington from the Beatle.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. I think he had lung cancer, pancreatic cancer. He had a cancer. Yeah, no, that.

[Jason Ellis]

No, with people, maybe they adjust their things to have a more glorious.

[Adam Carolla]

That. Yeah, like.

[Jason Ellis]

Like cancer. Not sexy.

[Adam Carolla]

Aea. Wow.

[Jason Ellis]

That dude lived on the edge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

Understood, passionate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

But anyway. Yes, I Am a little bummed out about it, but. Yeah, you know, you do what you do, but I don't know about being the public face of the anti AEA movement. I'm not ready. It's too soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's too soon. All right, well, tell us when you're ready and we'll just put a placeholder in there for you.

[Jason Ellis]

I don't even know if it's oddballs of jv.

[Adam Carolla]

Are we talking about auto erotic or are we still talking about the hawk now?

[Allison Rosen]

The majesty of nature.

[Jason Ellis]

No, the auto erotic face.

[Adam Carolla]

What if a hawk attacked you when you're beating off?

[Jason Ellis]

I gotta go all balls on that.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be stick. Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

You're probably not pretty hard, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I feel like if a hawk came at me while I was mastering, I don't know how hard I would not.

[Jason Ellis]

But if you kept your wood after you had been attacked by the hawk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

And just shook it off and be like, all right, get back in the game, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

Because you are outside anyway, in a park or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Obviously, if you're an apartment and that were attacked by a hawk. Yeah, park, yeah. I'm saying if you're indoors, it'd be wildly confusing.

[Jason Ellis]

You know, it could fly in the window.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. But still be certain. Amount of confusion in that act, I feel. All right.

[Jason Ellis]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You ready to bring it home?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. I just wanted to say one more thing. No, you can do the news or whatever, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, well, we've got jv.

[Dawson]

These are all balls with the deaf frat guy.

[Jason Ellis]

There's a beverage tasting.

[Adam Carolla]

Mangria. Oh, there is?

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. This week at Total Beverage in Westminster, Colorado is hosting a Mangria tasting event this Friday and Saturday.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good.

[Jason Ellis]

Total Beverage in Westminster, Colorado. The eighth man will not be at the event.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm going to be heading toward Laguna Seca, I think. But you guys should come on out and taste some of the Mangria.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. Come down to 9359 Sheridan Boulevard, Westminster, Colorado.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Jason Ellis]

80031.

[Adam Carolla]

What time is that at?

[Jason Ellis]

You know, I don't know, maybe like on Friday from 4 to 7 and on Saturday from 1 to 6 or some shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Sounds like he does know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's take a phone call. Hey, Wilmer. Oh, Wilmer, get it on. Didn't we already talk to you, I.

[Wilmer]

Think Yesterday on the Dr. Drew show or last week or something?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah.

[Wilmer]

Well, I got a question of me and Rosie Jr. We've been together for three years. Really open as far as the stuff we talk about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm gonna bring it up to my friends.

[Wilmer]

Like, just anything we talk about, they always say, oh, you're so open with her.

[Def Frat Guy]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

We were talking about. We're talking about the Rosie Perez, wasn't it, on this show? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

That's why he's calling her Rosie Jr.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, I recall.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah. So Rosie Earnhardt Jr. Is what? Rosie. Yeah, Rosie. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. What's your question, Wilmer?

[Wilmer]

Well, I wanted to know if you guys think there's a such thing as being, like, too open about things to.

[Adam Carolla]

Talk about with your significant other. Absolutely. Abso fucking lutely.

[Bald Bryan]

Next caller.

[Adam Carolla]

More mystery and less history, as I used to say when I did Loveline back in the day. Now that kind of stuff's fine, but just like, you just have to kind of. I don't know if it's. Look, there's two kinds of. There's a micro and a macro. There's a stuff I don't really care to know about from the past, and then there's stuff I don't really want to talk about in the present.

[Bald Bryan]

What qualifies as stuff that shouldn't be talked about in the present?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for me, it's like I open my refrigerator and I pull out a 7 up, a can of 7 up that somebody took an eyedropper and took one squeeze out of, and then put it on my son's tongue and then put it in the fridge. And then it sits there. And then it sits there for four days. And then eventually I dump it out. And then I say, the next day, I see a mini Martinelli's bottle, a glass bottle with about an inch at the bottom of it, and it's open and it's just sitting in the fridge. And then the next day, I see a light beer with just inch and an inch and a quarter at the bottom, but it's open and it's sitting there. And I want to just get a. I just want to scream as loud as I can, like, what, What. What is the fantasy? It just never either shoot it down or throw it away or put a cap in it, but it's never.

[Bald Bryan]

It's gonna be consumed later, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It's never like, ever. It's never ever. Like, why? I just. I just want to just. I just want to go. That's all I want to do. And I'll have the discussion with the Martinelli's two days earlier, where I'll go, like, what are we doing here? And you'll go, yeah, and I'll go. They make caps for these things. You can purchase those or not. You can drink the whole thing or dump it. But this part where just. We do this extra step where half time it gets knocked over in there and it doesn't have a cap on it and everything's all sticky. But there's one scenario that is off the table and has never happened. It never gets consumed. And I don't mean one out of a thousand. I mean never. The seven up is it'll sit there for four days and then it gets dumped. So I can't figure it out. And all I want to do is just like, scream, why? Like, what are we doing? How many of these conversations do you want to have? Like, who's putting this back? It's not even Lynette half the time. Sometimes it's Olga, sometimes it's the kids. I feel like I can coach up the kids. But what? Why? And then why am I insane for never wanting to see this ever again? And everyone just goes like, well, what's the big deal? And I'm like, it's not. It's just. It's never going to happen. It's never happened. Why do we do it? Why do we think something is going to happen? And it's like, well, I don't want to dump out the cola. It was all, you know, Sonny just had a hit. And it's like, then pour it into something with a lid and turn it and seal it off and then put it in there.

[Bald Bryan]

So which part is being too open in a relationship?

[Jason Ellis]

Oh, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

What you should do is quietly just walk over to the sink, dump it down, and just chalk it up to, she's the world's greatest mom, and this is what happens. But the part that I can't get over is I think I'm gonna just coach everyone up, and then we'll just move on.

[Bald Bryan]

See? And I now into my first week of being married, so I don't know anything yet. I am more of the mind that you should be open about. Like, don't be open about everyone from your past that's just gonna drive someone insane. But you should be open about things you're feeling in the present, because if you bottle that up, you're just gonna grow resentful.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish it was bottled. Somebody fucking bottled it up. It's open. That's. Oh, I see. I've said it's a metaphor.

[Jason Ellis]

You don't want to have your girlfriend say that she has given more Hummers than Putin has to the Ukrainian border right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Like that. Right.

[Bald Bryan]

You wouldn't want to say that.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of Hummers. A lot of Hummers out there. Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

It's about the past and, you know.

[Bald Bryan]

You wouldn't want him to say he's bumped more uglies than a blind guy at a Weight Watchers meeting.

[Jason Ellis]

Yeah. Or he's tapped more ass than the world's most inquisitive midget. Like that.

[Adam Carolla]

I like.

[Jason Ellis]

The people want that.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, we're looking for a face of Mangria. I think the world's most inquisitive midget would really catch on.

[Jason Ellis]

It's like the world's most interesting man.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, but we have. He'd be. He'd be a midget. Oh, I don't know what. I'm sitting there. Sorry. All right. Wilmer. I'm tired of Wilmer. Let's talk to who screens these calls. Let's talk to. What was that from?

[Allison Rosen]

That is from an old, like, first or second season Simpsons episode. And that is. That is Krusty's dad, played by Jackie Gleason. Or. No, that's Jackie Mason.

[Adam Carolla]

Jackie Mason.

[Bald Bryan]

I thought it was Larry Miller.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it sounds. It sounds like. Who screens these calls? Sounds like Jackie Mason.

[Allison Rosen]

Jackie Mason. He's Krusty's dad, the rabbi who screens these calls.

[Adam Carolla]

Jackie Mason did not disappoint in the Jewish department when he showed up to Loveline at, you know, 10 o' clock at night in Culver City and was like, what? No bagels. And we're like, no, no bagels. What? No spread here? And we're like, yeah, just. It's a late night radio show. What do we. What? Nothing. No cream cheese, no bagels. And it was like, no, no cream cheese. No, no bagels, Jackie. And he was like. It wasn't put off. He was confused. Who screens these calls? You remember him? Were you there before your time? All right, let's see. Let's talk to Jeremiah. Jeremiah.

[Wilmer]

Hey.

[Adam Carolla]

30, North Carolina. What's going on? Northern California. Oh, I screwed up. Screwed up. That I could see why.

[Allison Rosen]

Screws up a lot of the same letters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a lot of the same letters. What's going on with the March Madness.

[Wilmer]

Basketball tournament coming up?

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if you had any thoughts.

[Wilmer]

And then maybe a team you like so that all your listeners can know who to bet against.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I must say, this was not really a part of my childhood. And I don't like the fact that it dominates SportsCenter because the tournament now. Yes, because now when I watch SportsCenter I want to see who won in the MMA fights on Saturday night. And I'm looking for a little NFL news. And it's just non stop colleges I've never heard of, playing another college I've never heard of and people rushing the floor.

[Allison Rosen]

You're not down for Creighton at Wichita State?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know Creighton the name of the team and I'm not sure. Wichita State's Cowboy. No, dude.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, deaf ruckey. I like this one. The Shockers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the Shockers. That's right, that's right.

[Jason Ellis]

That's all bald.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's all bald. No, I'm not. But it's an hour scroll of college teams with less people at their college that were in my high school playing each other to see who's going to be the 16th seed. And it doesn't. I'm not down.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm with you up until the tournament. Those few weeks, which one and done are really exciting. It's my favorite sporting event that goes on for more than one day.

[Adam Carolla]

I was fucking pissed because in my bathroom and I just had the AM radio on and they did. And they did one of these things where they did like. And in preseason baseball, the Dodgers over the Mets in Florida five to three. And it's like pre exhibition baseball. I mean, by the way, this is tied. This is, this is news. This is fucking news. Like baseball. The fucking 28 games that take place before the 162 games I don't give a fuck about. And I got to hear about the tie that took place in Vero Beach. Could anyone give a fuck less about the like, is there anyone who sits around and go, hey, The Dodgers are 5 and 8 during the preseason, you know, exhibition ball, so we better start looking for some pitching.

[Allison Rosen]

How about this for a question? Is there a sporting event you would care less about the outcome versus how much you enjoy attending? Spring training has got to be number one. It's a lot of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy and I went to Vero beach and went out and tried out with the Dodgers and went and hung out with Tommy Lasorda & Co. And you know, ate barbecue and it's like, oh yeah, I mean just going out there and shagging balls while Tommy's got the fungo bat out and all that kind of shit. Yeah, that's, that's a gas. Hearing about the, the preseason or the exhibition games, a fucking disaster. I don't even know why would you.

[Jason Ellis]

Even report that it's a 24 hour news cycle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I gotcha. I'm just angry.

[Jason Ellis]

That's why they're making such a big story about this Malaysia 777 that went down.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's a big story.

[Jason Ellis]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Dodgers tying the Cubs in exhibition baseball. Who gives a fuck? Jim, can I ask you this? How you know everything? Bald Brian? How Drop how many Preseason exhibition. I don't even know what to call it.

[Allison Rosen]

Spring training games.

[Adam Carolla]

How many spring training games do they play?

[Allison Rosen]

They play. They essentially play a month's worth. The entire. Hold on, I really do have to record that. Drop, there may be. They basically play a month's worth of games through all of March. But some team, most every team plays split squad games, which means on a Friday they'll sell half their team to Peoria and half their team to Scottsdale. And does anyone give a F? So, I don't know, they play games.

[Adam Carolla]

They literally put those games on the fucking radio. They put those fucking games on the radio. Oh, there's me and Jimmy trying out for. For the Dodgers back in the day.

[Allison Rosen]

My God, I saw him this weekend. He has lost so much weight. Yeah, he's like tiny dude.

[Jason Ellis]

Back in the day, you guys were getting more landing strip than Chuck Yeager.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, all right, we can play it. Why not? Let's see if that's meeting Tommy Lasorda. Doing a lot of acting. But hey, let me tell you something. You're gonna put the uniform on. Put it on with a lot of pride and dignity. Don't do anything to embarrass this uniform. We're so Florida. You walk out on that field, you give it a hundred percent. With everything we were talking. Yeah, we're gonna give it 110%. There's no more than 100. You couldn't look gayer. What side of the field does this guy want us on?

[Def Frat Guy]

I gotta take a crap.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it bother you that Jimmy's sweat smells like beer and cheap hooker perfume?

[Def Frat Guy]

What do you think of this?

[Adam Carolla]

Lasorda.

[Def Frat Guy]

Tommy Lasorda.

[Allison Rosen]

You're talking to a Japanese Korean pitcher.

[Adam Carolla]

What part of Mexico are you from?

[Def Frat Guy]

Where's that? Near Puerto Vallarta.

[Adam Carolla]

They threw the ball at Jimmy.

[Def Frat Guy]

Keep going, you fat bastard.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Manny Moda may have been there at the time. Oh, it is really nice.

[Def Frat Guy]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on now, Corolla. Come on now. That's in the dirt.

[Def Frat Guy]

Run this one out.

[Allison Rosen]

Look at that stroke.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that. I hit a dinger. Good cut. Yeah. A little physical comedy.

[Def Frat Guy]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

110.

[Def Frat Guy]

I was worth two cups.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we see me hit a home run. That's good enough. Yeah, I can't remember who all. Terry Mulholland. God, all these crazy things.

[Allison Rosen]

Spring training, it was like the squad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was fun. I remember, unfortunately, I had to do Loveline, and since we're in Florida, I had to do it from 1:00am oh, you did it live from Florida, 1:00am to 3:00am and because we're in Florida, we were shooting a swamp boat thing. And the swamp boat thing was an hour and a half away from the hotel. So it was one of those. As I found my way back from whatever radio station I was at, I was walking through the lobby about 3:30 in the morning. And it was one of those, everyone's going to meet in the lobby at 6. There is nothing more soul crushing and debilitating than doing the walk through the lobby and going, what was it? Oh, it's 3:37. And then everyone back. Everyone will be back here ready to go for the hour and a half, drive for the. Well, we're gonna get on the fanboat, go hang out with the swamp guy for nine hours. We'll be doing that, but you'll be back here. That fucking thing where you just. Now you go to your room and you're like, go to bed. But you're like, I just did the radio show and I'm not going to bed, but I need to go to bed. And then you go, what if I went to bed now? What? Two hours? What the fuck's the difference between an hour and 31 minutes and 2?

[Bald Bryan]

And you don't really get tired till like 5 minutes before you need to be up.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Oh, sorry. Dfg.

[Jason Ellis]

It's like. It's not real tires like natty ice tired.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, let's see. One more question and then we'll get our shit together. Yeah, Jim, dc, what's going on?

[Wilmer]

Hey, Adam, how's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Wilmer]

Great. Long time listener, first time caller, come see you every time you're in the D.C. area.

[Adam Carolla]

Love that about you.

[Wilmer]

Yeah, I got a question, kind of a relationship question for you. So my ex and I sort of, you know, everything was going good for like three months and she kind of dumped me, but kind of more. We just had a fight where she initiated. I haven't talked to her in a month, but we've been like texting each other and everything. And we sort of agreed to meet up later this week and I really want to get back together with her. I don't know what her agenda in terms of wanting to meet up with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Her agenda is sussing out your agenda and doing the opposite. So if you show up with your hat in your hand going, I really want to get back together, she'll be like, ah, I got to call an audible. Yeah, I don't know how much of that. How much of his agenda? How old is she?

[Wilmer]

So we're both 28.

[Adam Carolla]

How much, Alison, does her. His agenda weigh in on her agenda? Because I feel like my desperate agenda has affected others agendas quickly.

[Bald Bryan]

See, I think when a girl begs to get the relationship back, that never works. But when a guy does that, does sometimes work. I think it depends on why they broke up.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, well, to be fair, a guy, when he dumps a girl, he's pretty much done with the girl. When the girl dumps a guy, she's done with his behavior, right? So all the guy has to do is promise to stop that behavior, and that's it.

[Bald Bryan]

So that's the question. If she broke it off because she just wasn't pleased with the way he was treating her, then they could get back together. Let's find out. Jim, why did she break up with you?

[Wilmer]

It's kind of complicated, but basically, like, everything was going good. Her roommate kind of got into her head about how, you know, you date all these guys that you just, like, really like to hang out with, and then all of a sudden you're in relationships with them. But when I date guys, it's a magical, mystical feeling, and I can't wait to be around them, and I melt around them, and she's like, well, I've never felt that way with any guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Cunt needs to be put in a wood chipper. Fucking hate that. These are the ones that get the huge engagement rings and then show them off, too, like, oh, geez, that's seven carrots.

[Jason Ellis]

I know these. I know these chicks, bro. One minute is like, the first week, dude, you are getting more head than Jeffrey Dahmer's freezer. And the next week, you're down to, like, what happened with that suck job, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. No, you should be a counselor.

[Jason Ellis]

Hell, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Ellis]

It was a camp counselor.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I mean, like, for couples. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Well, Jim, unfortunately, it's weird, but, like, the more you want it and will it. I feel, like the more kind of desperate you feel. And, you know, if there was not something that precipitated this and. Yeah, there wasn't.

[Wilmer]

I'm just. No, I mean, it was. It very much felt kind of out of nowhere because there was no. Like, we got along perfectly until.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so are you. Are you. Are you madly in love?

[Wilmer]

This is probably the first girl I felt this strongly for a very, very long time.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, if something's meant to work, I feel like it's gonna work regardless. Do you agree with that, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

I do, though. I always hate when people give that advice. But I do agree. Look, here's the thing.

[Bald Bryan]

Just be open, but don't be desperate.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's what'll happen. It's either gonna happen or it's not gonna happen. And either way, you're not gonna know it. Ten years from now, you'll either be with her or you'll be with someone else. You know, people get way. It's a kind of a narcissistic thing. You know, first you start doing this thing where you go, soulmate. Mr. Right. And all that kind of stuff, and you put way too much into it. It's just. I don't know, it's like, think about a job that you once had, but you don't have it anymore. What is it? What do you want to do? Do you want to mourn it? What would have been? What could have been? What if. What I actually did. Chelsea Handler show. As I said, Chelsea lately, tonight.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, we get it. You did the show.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know me, when I do a show, I never heard the end of it. I ran into my buddy Marmelstein, who he worked on my late night show, which I forgot about. And then he walked up to me and he goes, geez, can you believe it's been nine years since we did that show? And I said I had to think for a minute. And then I thought, oh, you're on that show. And then I thought that'd be rude. So I just went, yeah, yeah, nine years. And then he went, that's a good show, man. Head of its time. Head of time. He said that show would work today. Today it would work, Ned. Ten years ago now, but today I think it would work. And I was like, I've never even thought about it. I've never given it a second thought. It just was. And if you get into that mindset of I could have been the next Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart or Jimmy Kimmel or whatever, it first off does you no good. Secondly, you could keep distilling that down to being stillborn or being born to trumps or being Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. Or whatever. I think they call him the third or something. The Point is, Trey, you're fucking. Yeah, Trey. Your head would explode. It's just. You have relationships. You have all kinds of relationships, then you don't have them, then you have jobs, then you don't have them, and at some point, you have a pulse, and then you don't.

[Jason Ellis]

You do not want to miss out on. You don't want to be the guy in the rearview mirror looking back and going, if I hadn't been with this smoothie bitch, I would have gotten more head than a guillotine basket during the French Revolution.

[Adam Carolla]

It's true. He's right. There's wisdom in this, man. It's great wisdom.

[Allison Rosen]

It's running through there like a chocolate ribbon through ice cream.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what it is. You dig a little.

[Allison Rosen]

It's right there.

[Adam Carolla]

And there it is. Yeah. And then it goes away for a little bit, and then you go. But you dig down a little more, and then there's that ribbon in there again.

[Jason Ellis]

Oh, that's nasty. What are you talking about, bro? No, we're talking about rim job now.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. Ribbon.

[Jason Ellis]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Go to meeting, man. Build a strong relationship with your ribbon team. That's right. Mm. You want to get everyone together. You can't. It's impossible. That's why we use GoToMeeting with H E faces, brought to you by Citrix. It's a simple, easy way to meet online, anywhere, anytime. With GoToMeeting, you can share the screen. We do it all the time. Whenever we get a client here, they want to show us what their business is, they want to show us their screen. We get on, we all hop on, pull up the screen. There it is. Documents in real time. Webcams. Turn them on each other, see them face to face, and you can try it for free. 30 days free. That's right. Visit GoToMeeting.com today. Click on the try it free button. Use the promo code Adam. That's GoToMeeting. Promo code Adam. Go to meeting.com. promo code Adam. Meeting is believing. All right, let's take a quick break. Our guest is. Oh, he's here. Is that on there? I missed that. All right, DFG website, deffratguy.com. you can Twitter him. Efratguy. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Thank you so much. Always a great appearance. Always happy to have you.

[Jason Ellis]

Thanks, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll take a quick break. Jason Ellis next. Well, he's back with Jason Ellis. Jason's got a book, the awesome guide to life. Get fit, get laid, get your Shit together. I love that title. Available on Amazon. You know what to do. Click through AdamCarroll.com, show a little love. Good to see you again, Jason.

[Def Frat Guy]

It's good to see you, mate. You don't believe me, do you? No, I don't. Like many people on the radio, I wouldn't even start off with this bullshit that I'm about to spill on about. But I don't like only like, hey, like Howard, because that was the only person I heard. And then after, when I became a person that wanted to be successful in radio, then I listened to other people and as far as I could tell, everybody sucked. You were good, I was okay with you. I'd actually. It would be okay with admitting defeat at one point to Adam Caroller.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Def Frat Guy]

Like Howard Stern. But there was no one else that I have heard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

Now I'm sure there's political guys that I have no chance against, because I don't care and I'm not listening. I don't know what my opinion is. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But what?

[Def Frat Guy]

You're the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God love you. And by the way, now you're getting a plug. Jason ellis show, weekdays 3 to 7 Eastern on Sirius XM, channel 41 and also siriusxm.com channel. I know what you're saying. Not about me, but when I would listen to people and I would go, oh, that guy's good. And then the thing about radio is you listen, and 85% of the people you listen to, you go, oh, fuck, I could do that. And you were a professional skateboarder. I would never watch a professional skateboarder and go, fuck, I could do that. I would never feel that way. When I see a surfer, skateboarder, powerlifter, mma, I would never feel that way. But radio was the one thing where I was like, jesus Christ, if this nimrod could do this, then I could do this. But here's the question. Do you feel like the guys that are shitty at their job are more inspirational? Because we always talk about the greats, but to me, me watching Dennis Miller do stand up and sit up there and spit out like a thesaurus for an hour long set where he doesn't miss a syllable. When I was young, I would look at that and go, I could fucking never ever do that. But then I turn on the radio and I'd go, oh, shit, I could do what that nimrod's doing. So were you inspired by Howard Stern or did you think I couldn't do that?

[Def Frat Guy]

I thought maybe when I retired from life I would do talking for a living, but I never thought I'd be good at radio until I did the Tony Hawk show. And then I started talking alongside Tony and I was like, man, I'm way better than you at this. But I kind of expected that because he's really good at skateboarding, right? And then maybe a week or so of doing it, I just, I just, I'd never done anything and been that naturally good at it. Skateboarding took me way longer to figure out. So I thought immediately I was like, man, this comes so easy to me. I've never done anything where it came natural. It's always been a struggle. I'm like, imagine if I practiced at this. And as soon as I. That's when I decided to listen to other people and take it as a competitive thing. And then that's when I discovered that I was actually really good. And that's when I found those people. How the fuck does this guy have a job? What do you mean? He's the most famous person in. Blah, blah, blah. And then I thought, if he could do it, I could do it. And so on and so forth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they. There's a lot of like, this guy dominates in Cleveland and has been on top for 15 years. And, and you hear about the guy for a million years and then you do his show or he comes on your live show or he comes on your live show or any combination thereof and you go, what? How's this work?

[Def Frat Guy]

I thought it was a butt licking thing or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Radio is first off a lot about repetition, which is weird because you could take somebody, I don't know what other forms of art work this way, but you could take someone who is very naturally gifted, very funny, very quick witted and very sharp and agile mentally, and who has never spoken in this sort of arena before. And then take some guy with a much lower IQ that was not half as funny, but had 10 years experience. And you would like the guy with the experience a lot more than you like the super funny, super agile, super fast witted guy who just didn't have.

[Bald Bryan]

The rest and polish that we like or we're more comfortable hearing in the beginning.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like watching a good movie. If you ever see a rough cut of a movie with no soundtrack and it hasn't been sweetened and it hasn't had the foley added in. Watch a fight scene. If you watched a rough cut of Rocky where they did the whole fight scene, but they didn't have any of the thuds or grunts or punches landing you'd go, this is lame. This is the worst choreographed fight scene I've ever seen. Like, you can't get to the finished product.

[Bald Bryan]

Even when you're just watching a movie and you see someone walking down a hallway and you hear their footsteps. That's added, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, everything. And you watch a movie in a rough cut, it seems so dry. And you don't hear the music soaring when the guy's winning or doing whatever, and it feels flat and shitty. And you can take super funny people that just have no reps and they just can't do it. And what radio does is it draws from its own pool. It wants guys with reps. It doesn't want that break in, period.

[Def Frat Guy]

I was in a movie where somebody overdubbed my voice because I didn't come back and do it. And it was a guy who was American who was pretending to be Australian. And I've lost a lot of my accent. But if you're American who does my accent and goes, no way, or something, then it's very easy for me to know. And it's Paul Blart, Mall Cop. At the very end, I see some thing that's about to explode and I go, I think it's, oh, no. Or so I know. I didn't say that. I've never said it. It's the Crocodile Hunter exaggerate. Oh, no, mate. But I remember thinking, I never said that. What? What is somebody else put it in there for me?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm now gonna say maybe the Australian accent is the most comically exaggerated accent.

[Def Frat Guy]

Girls like it. I mean, not all girls.

[Adam Carolla]

I just mean when people are. When people are doing accents.

[Allison Rosen]

What about, like, French, though?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

French. Sound good at rapping and singing as well. I don't know what they're saying, but for some reason, it fits. Okay. It's a. You can be English, a little bit mainly American. Australian rap, you cannot do it. The accent makes you sound stupid. But French people, it's. It flows. I have no idea what they're saying, so it could suck.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you tell me about setting the drop in. Biggest drop record at 70ft on a ramp, skateboarding.

[Def Frat Guy]

Obviously, it's not really that glamorous. There was a guy that's Danny Way. He's arguably the greatest that ever lived, and he jumped out of a helicopter into a ramp. So they called him and said, will you do this stunt for our show? It's just a TV show. And he said, sure, I want this much money. And they said, we don't have that much money. We have this much money. He's like, I got a guy that'll give it a go, right? So he called me and said, hey, man, will you break my world record for ten grand? And at the time, even now, I'm like, that's an amazing amount of money. Yeah. So if I went to some warehouse, I told him what quarter pipe to build. I really didn't even think that they were gonna do it almost. They said, what do you want? I'm like, I don't know, 20ft. A 20 foot high ramp would send some scaffolding. And then they built me a quarter pipe and they had a guy there with a pencil tapping it to see if it had any strings on it and stuff. It was the most.

[Adam Carolla]

And what. How long was the actual free fall?

[Def Frat Guy]

It was. Well, it's 14 foot from the top of the ramp. But what I. Because I just built a ramp that had a lot of vertical on it and you don't land on that. You have to land in the pocket of the bottom. So I probably dropped like, I don't know, 16ft. But they counted it from the ground because they're TV people. So I. It was like 42ft or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you make. Did we ever. Do you have to make it? I mean, do you have to skate it out, so to speak?

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah. Yeah. It's not like freestyle motocross. Sometimes people can land stuff and then fall off. In skateboarding, you have to keep going all the way.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to keep going like all the way. Now the guy to me in my heart who has the record is the guy who did the, you know, big, big air and whose shoe popped off when Jake Brown.

[Def Frat Guy]

I was the first person there.

[Adam Carolla]

You were the first person to run, like, run up to.

[Def Frat Guy]

I thought about running out there and letting him land on me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how he was in the air.

[Def Frat Guy]

Like when he. First of all, because if you, if you don't stand solid when you hit the quarter pipe, jumping over the gap is not that big of a deal. When you hit the quarter pipe, because you're doing about 60 mile an hour. So when you hit the. The curve, you get G forces. And if you don't stand strong, if you collapse it yo yos you and it shoes, it shoots you out to the flat. So he dropped at least 45ft to the ground. So when he took off, he was 20ft above a 30 foot ramp. So we. He was up forever. I was. I'm like, I don't even. He's gonna die. Can't Somebody do something. It was.

[Adam Carolla]

That must have been just slow motion hell for you, because. So what you're saying is normally the guys, they can go straight up, but as they land, they sort of slide out of it. You knew that he pushed out, right? He got pushed out to the flat. There was no transition for him.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah. So he just. He just basically fell around 45ft to his back.

[Adam Carolla]

Shouldn't they have just one empty refrigerator box that you could just slide, throw out a toaster under him?

[Def Frat Guy]

The chances of that working out would be so painful because I guarantee you the mat gets shift shoved out like six inches away from the dude who explodes and dies next to a big piece of padding.

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like that's part of the game. I know it's part of game just for the future. Just one refrigerator box that somebody could just slide out there just to give it a shot.

[Def Frat Guy]

When he hit the ground, he was on his face and his eyes were open and he wasn't breathing.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Def Frat Guy]

His nose was squashed on the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

And you ran out there.

[Def Frat Guy]

I was standing right next to his face and he wasn't breathing. And then eyes open, not moving, and I'm like, that's my dead friend. And then also out doing the knock the wind out of him thing. And then maybe a minute or so later, then he woke up and said, what happened? Did I win? How many rides left do I have? And I'm like, you're done for the day, dude. You are done.

[Adam Carolla]

And what were his injuries ultimately?

[Def Frat Guy]

Lacerated lung and kidney because we made the joke that they were probably already lacerated because he smoked cigarettes and drinks all day.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Def Frat Guy]

This is a crazy guy.

[Adam Carolla]

But is he skating now? Is he okay now? Yeah, just when you. Whatever happens, if your shoes pop off, that's a bad, bad sign.

[Def Frat Guy]

It did change it for everybody, though. That was a. That was the biggest one in the history of mega ramp. And everybody who was a. That was the last year I can. I competed.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it was a kind of a wake up call because that was.

[Def Frat Guy]

We all knew he's a really little nuggety kind of guy. We all knew that there's. He should have died. He should be dead.

[Adam Carolla]

He should have. So.

[Def Frat Guy]

But instead he didn't die. He didn't get that hurt. And I'm claiming it's because he's like almost any walk. He's kind of a midget, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Gary, do you looking for this? We're looking. We're finding Danny's. We're not finding Jason's No.

[Def Frat Guy]

Jake Brown. Jake brown. X Games 13, if you want to see that.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably the most famous X Games wipeout. I think probably it's the most.

[Def Frat Guy]

It's the craziest action sports crash that anyone's ever done. It looked like a dirt bike kind of incident gone wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

So that. And this is the. When he landed, he should have stepped off, but instead, because he was. He wanted it, see, he stayed on and it shot him out. Yeah, he's done. Bam.

[Adam Carolla]

The fact that his shoe popped off just seemed.

[Def Frat Guy]

Everything came off.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything. Everything came off. And so you're saying when he. When he.

[Def Frat Guy]

I was off to the side there.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like.

[Def Frat Guy]

Because we knew. We knew as soon as he took off from the coping, he actually missed the coping. He shot backwards that far, right. So as soon as he took off, I was like, no one's ever done this before.

[Adam Carolla]

This.

[Def Frat Guy]

This is the worst one you can do.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're saying he should have stepped off like he should have before he.

[Def Frat Guy]

Got to the quarter pipe. If you step off when you're at the quarter pipe, that'll shit. Whip you into another decade. You'll be out for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So what it is, is you do the big, big air and you clear.

[Def Frat Guy]

It five feet, then you land, and then you've got about half a second to decide.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you're out of shape, step off.

[Def Frat Guy]

It's not worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not worth it because if you hit the ramp out of shape, you're gonna land on the flat bar.

[Def Frat Guy]

I don't think anyone had ever hit it that out of shape that fast before. And that was. That was when we were all like, oh, if it's ever that out of shape, just get off. No matter how much money, no matter what. And no one's. Thank God, ever done that.

[Adam Carolla]

I came up with an invention.

[Bald Bryan]

Sorry, out of shape. Meaning.

[Adam Carolla]

Meaning if you. If you are hitting. I don't know how to skateboard, but I do know this part of it. If you are gonna hit that big vertical ramp and you're not set up like you want to be, you know, your feet under your balance, right. You're not where you want to be, then all you're gonna do is get shot in outer space, and you're not gonna be able to land because you're hitting it in that bad a shape. And so what we're talking about is just pull off. I mean, drop it needs.

[Bald Bryan]

So at that platform before the second ramp is when he should have stepped off.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah, right. When you land, you have A the landing area over the first gap. You have a second there where you could jump off and it's actually like a slide. You just sort of go wee down the quarter pipe. You've done it long enough. That's how it works out. But if you. If you stay on it till you get to the bottom, right when it starts to flatten out again, that's when all that weight of how fast you're going gets on top of your body. And if, and if you hit the ground, then. Then all of a sudden it's like everything just pops out and breaks and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Def Frat Guy]

That's why I'm on the radio.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's still one of my favorite events though, that big air ramp. And it was one of those things that just, I don't know, didn't exist. Several years ago.

[Def Frat Guy]

I was the second person to go off it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Does it freak you out?

[Def Frat Guy]

Fuck. It scared the shit out of me.

[Adam Carolla]

I could imagine just for me, just going down the thing, setting up into it. Scary part.

[Def Frat Guy]

The biggest head fuck was the first because the one they. It was. It's. It was out in the middle of the desert. And there's just the roller coaster rolling. So you don't. And if you don't go fast enough, you won't make it over the gap. So no matter what, you got to get over. You don't have to bring your board, but you got to get over to the other side. Because I think if you fall in the hole, you. I think you die because you just go through the framing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, it's, it's. It's bad. So it's like you got to drop down. You gotta step off a cliff basically on your skateboard.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah. So you just scream. I screamed fuck murder. And all that kind of stuff. At the top of the rolling with the only guy that had done it going.

[Adam Carolla]

You got it, man.

[Def Frat Guy]

You got him like fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck, pussy, pussy.

[Def Frat Guy]

And then finally off I go.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's fun. And so. And you say, yeah, you don't need to make it to the other side with your skateboard. You just need to make it to the other side. Meaning you can always slide if you have to. I mean, it's not going to be great, but it's going to be better than not making it.

[Def Frat Guy]

You cannot fall in the gap. That's not an option. And you can't overshoot the entire thing either. That's almost been.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll land on the flat.

[Def Frat Guy]

You would drop 150ft to the ground. You would have Been, I don't know, 60ft in the air. I don't think humans can.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is.

[Def Frat Guy]

Through that bounce.

[Adam Carolla]

It is so amazing to me that the. Just sort of, I don't know, the math of the whole thing, which is you can fly as high as you want and as long as you want. As long as you land on something that's sort of gradual, you'll be fine. If you land on the flat, you just. You feel, you know, hundreds of wild on you. Yeah, there's some. There's some. There's something that's so insane that it's not about how high and how much distance and how whatever. To me, the craziest stunt was the New Year's Eve stunt where the guy was jumping the snowmobile and he was jumping the snowmobile. I don't know, 300ft or whatever it was over Long beach or whatever that was. I just keep thinking snowmobile, man. No, that seems insane. Right?

[Def Frat Guy]

I feel like half of the guys that do the snowmobile thing are dirt bike guys who get extra money for doing it on a snowmobile.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

It's not. It's like, I'll do it on this as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think they're like porn stars who'll do some gay porn, but it's really. They're just. They're not gay. They're in it for the cash.

[Def Frat Guy]

I like your angle. I got a lot of friends out there that are really butt hurt by that, but I'm back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Do you think when you're watching gay porn, you're assessing what they're in it for?

[Def Frat Guy]

Depending. I think it's the same with girls and guys. If your heart's not into it, I wonder why you're there.

[Bald Bryan]

Like, where's the passion?

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah. I mean, that's the only reason you'd be in porn, I always thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Gary? I don't know. I don't know if it's Long beach or Port of Whatever, but you'll find it.

[Allison Rosen]

New Year's Eve thing where he jumps onto a barge.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, you're talking about the thing with the snowmobile. I don't. I'm not going to mistake the bodge.

[Def Frat Guy]

Oh, you said Long Beach Harbor.

[Adam Carolla]

What is he jumping on? Well, I don't know. It's Travis. It's not Travis Pastrana. It's not a wrx. It's not a Subaru. It's a guy on a guy on a snowmobile and he's riding. Yeah, it's tandem. He's riding next to a Guy on a motorcycle. And it's New Year's Eve. So if you do New Year's Eve and you go snowmobile jump, that should. Should come up.

[Def Frat Guy]

Robbie Madison and some toboggan guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Crazy. All right. Hey, should we do a little news, Jason? Hang out crack wise and all that kind of stuff?

[Def Frat Guy]

I like to learn stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dawson]

The news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison.

[Bald Bryan]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it.

[Allison Rosen]

Up, she'll sign it off with zip.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Allison.

[Bald Bryan]

Allison. I'm having crazy allergies, so please excuse how sniffly I sound. As we mentioned earlier, 4.4 magnitude earthquake at 6.25am last night. It was centered 2 miles from Encino and 15 miles west northwest of the downtown civic center. I heard it was Westwood was the epicenter. I don't know if that's where that puts it.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, here's the most amusing part nationally is that it sort of. It was at. This is very local, but it was at 405 and the. And Mulholland. So basically the valley, Sherman Oakshish and Sino ish area. And all the reports are like five miles north of Westwood. And I'm like, poor valley people. Like, people up there, like, they don't get the dignity of. It was in the valley. It's a five mile.

[Def Frat Guy]

My girlfriend woke me up so that I could live through it. Super exciting, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If a girder's gonna land on me, let it land on me in my sleep, and I'll die doing what I love, which is sleeping, essentially.

[Bald Bryan]

Did you guys have the experience that I had of it, which was. And because I was in another earthquake where the epicenter was really close, and when the epicenter is that close, it's not rolling. It's like an explosion. It's like a jolt. Like we. We thought something crashed into the house or something.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, Christina lived pretty much in Westwood. It was very strong. It was very strong right there.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there's the guy jumping the snowmobile over the harbor. I don't know what harbor's in then.

[Def Frat Guy]

It's not even at the same time. Oh, one of my friends is really good at freestyle moto. And then he did the same trick on a snowmobile, and he'd been using it for two days. I mean, didn't make it. And he broke his leg. But so what? Same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty insane. 300ft.

[Def Frat Guy]

It's flying.

[Adam Carolla]

Flying on a fucking snowmobile.

[Def Frat Guy]

The world's shittiest space shuttle.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if anyone that. I wonder if. If someone could like reanimate Evel Knievel and go. Evil. Your longest jump on a motorcycle is 128ft. Yeah, some asshole with a GED did twice that plus another hundred feet on a snowmobile. He'd just swing at you with a Jack Daniels bottle, right?

[Def Frat Guy]

Rightfully so. Because the guy that did 300ft had somebody added up for him. And that. That doesn't count. When you eye it up. When you eye it out and you go, yeah, I reckon, right? That's about this. With about this much throttle. That's. That's my jump. That's. That's man shit, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And Evil was wearing dress shoes and.

[Def Frat Guy]

He had no suspension, no travel.

[Adam Carolla]

Harley Davidson. No travel on that Harley whatsoever.

[Def Frat Guy]

And he. I think he sat down when he landed and took off. Which is actually physically impossible to do, but somehow he did that.

[Adam Carolla]

And Evil would always seem surprised and caught off guard when his head. Harley Davidson with a steel tank and no suspension travel whatsoever got out of shape on the landing. Like, he'd be like, what the fuck? And it'd be like, what did you think was gonna happen, Evil? You're jumping a street bike over a bunch of double decker buses and you're wearing, you know, basically, you're dressed like Jim Morrison.

[Def Frat Guy]

He's got a. He's got a cape and he's.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got a cape.

[Def Frat Guy]

The sitting down thing is the. To be that calm, that fast and launch off that much of a ridiculous jump, right? And not. You don't want to. You don't want to just look up at it a little bit to observe and be balanced. No, he just sits down and goes, yeah, yeah, He's. He's a legend.

[Adam Carolla]

So earthquakes, I like earthquakes. Do you guys, Like, I've been out here for every. Every one that they've had since 72.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm pretty amused by them. But I always think maybe I should get under a doorway or maybe I should do nothing. I certainly never climb under a table. Like all the. Did you have earthquake drills in school? I mean, we had them all the time and it was always, get under your desk.

[Def Frat Guy]

Something would come out of the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

In a movie, shit comes out of the ground.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, a hell mouth has to open up.

[Adam Carolla]

And then also I always think like, when you're climbing under whatever you're. What is. Who did this roofing work at this place? Like, why is everything going to come down on us. What's going on?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, where's it coming from? Yeah, but is a doorway really so safe? It's just easy.

[Adam Carolla]

I will tell you people this. A doorway has a header over it. If it's framed in a house and it's just wood framing. And so thus you must head out that opening to pick up the load, as they say. Because normally your studs are 16 inches on center. And if you're going to frame out a door opening, maybe it's 32 inches or 36 inches. So they put a beam, a header over the top of it. So theoretically it's like standing inside of the wall and there's a little more strength. In a commercial building, it doesn't make a difference because this is all just metal frame and everything is just poured above you. So in a metal. In a commercial building, there is no header where the door is and it's no nevermind. Yes.

[Def Frat Guy]

What about if the ship falls off the wall and you're under the door and something like falls at you through the door, like some of the roof that you caved in? Well, I don't reckon it's that safe. If it's that much of. If it's that much damage, shouldn't you just get out?

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody has ever been saved by standing in a doorway.

[Def Frat Guy]

Okay, good. And I'm not doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain what 9, 10 of all emergency preparation is. Let's give these people something to do before they die. Because otherwise it's gonna be an airplane filled with screaming people.

[Def Frat Guy]

See, I want to drink.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to drink too. Instead, it's like I'm gonna assume some sort of position and then the thing becomes a ball of flames. And so good, because you had your seat upright, your head between your legs tucked between something. It's now, you know what I'm saying? I'm chilling.

[Def Frat Guy]

I want to do really bad things if I'm gonna die. What I wanna do, I wanna do some really bad shit. Whatever I have around me that's really bad. That's the one I'm most interested in.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm.

[Def Frat Guy]

Unless the kids are there. Then it's like, oh shit, let's just all die.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like sort of macabre and disrespectful to say, but I'll bet you both planes that hit those towers, somebody was getting those seats back up and tray tables back up and telling themselves and put their head down. And it's like at that point. Yeah, I mean, who's been saved by that? And who's been saved by going under a desk. I think that's, I never even thought about that. But somebody told somebody to put their tray table up before the thing hit the first tower. Right.

[Bald Bryan]

I think that's why people who survive these things have ptsd, because you live your whole life thinking you can somehow keep yourself safe. And then when something horrible happens, you feel betrayed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's stop, drop and roll. They tell you don't run outside because they say power line is gonn know come get you. Either way. I sort of like the earthquake. I'm like a kid who thinks all My first thought is always, I wonder if this is going to get me out of doing something today. Like, it started shaking and I was like, if this shakes enough, I might not have to do whatever I was supposed to do today.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, unfortunately, or fortunately, there was no damage from this one. There was an aftershock. That was a 2.7 magnitude aftershock. I didn't feel that well, I think there were actually a few aftershocks. I didn't feel any of them. Brian?

[Allison Rosen]

No, Gary, I just sent you an image. Put it on the screen real quick. I, I We're very prepared for an earthquake. We have the earthquake preparedness kit, we have the water, we have everything. But we have this mirror over our bed.

[Adam Carolla]

Over your bed?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You'll see that it's comic.

[Def Frat Guy]

Oh, on the roof.

[Allison Rosen]

It's comically absurd. It's that, wow.

[Def Frat Guy]

Wait, so you just see little dots of your ass cheeks pumping or something?

[Bald Bryan]

Why do you have Liberace's mirror?

[Allison Rosen]

It's not exactly like that, but it's pretty much like that. It's a death trap.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like, it's a large round. Well, how round is spiky?

[Allison Rosen]

It's a sunburst mirror.

[Adam Carolla]

How large is the main body of it there?

[Allison Rosen]

The size of a human torso, waist to head.

[Adam Carolla]

Human torso. It's an interesting thing you'd use for scale.

[Bald Bryan]

I guess the little satellite ones are like disembodied heads, the ones in his freezer.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it a manhole cover size like the main one?

[Allison Rosen]

If you wanted the mirror, the whole thing is about a manhole cover size. But if you wanted to design a mirror to kill someone in an earthquake, that's pretty much why.

[Adam Carolla]

Over the.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know. Christy loves it and I have gone on with it, just not gonna kill anybody. But then this morning it happened and I woke up first. I was, Ah, fuck. The mirror dove on top of Christy.

[Def Frat Guy]

Nice.

[Allison Rosen]

That was my first thought But I was like, oh, shit, we gotta do something about this.

[Bald Bryan]

That is nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I pulled Lynette and my dog on top of me. Kind of feel like Lynette could cover me sufficiently. Molly could do, like, from the knees down. Lynette, do knee up on me.

[Def Frat Guy]

Hey, do you still boss?

[Adam Carolla]

Little bit. Little bit.

[Def Frat Guy]

You used to train people, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I used to do. Yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

Like pad work.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I did, yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

Before you were a carpenter?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was a carpenter for. It's funny, because the last real earthquake we had was 94. And that's when my life sort of came apart. And it was sort of the worst and the best time. That's when I met Jimmy or shortly thereafter. But I used to work at a place called Bodies in Motion in Pasadena. I was a carpenter, and I built the gym. And then later on, I worked there holding the focus pads. But in the 94 quake, I had my girlfriend staying with me. Her car broke down. Her mom was coming in from Minnesota. She had to stay with us. Her apartment was condemned in Sherman Oaks. And it was the worst the of fucking day week, two weeks of my life. But then just a few months later, I met Jimmy, and it all turned around. It went, really from the worst and lowest point to the best.

[Bald Bryan]

This is gonna be a bizarre question, but why is that story of yours making my brain think herpes? Okay, what was it?

[Adam Carolla]

I got herpes.

[Bald Bryan]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why. Okay, you'd be thinking herpes.

[Bald Bryan]

It would be weird if that weren't the case and that somehow I had associated that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I didn't. You know, the jury's still out. The herpetic jury.

[Bald Bryan]

Dr. Drew, I would want to stay away from.

[Def Frat Guy]

He says, you have it, doesn't he? Oh, he thinks everybody has everything.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, he does.

[Adam Carolla]

You show him a bunion, he goes, herpes. Who you been foot fucking?

[Def Frat Guy]

He's not right all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he says, herpes, everything. And I explained to him. Now, to be fair, what happened was there was also a mysterious thing going around where people were getting a disease. People are getting this weird earthquake illness, lung thing, like the earth, it moved so much that it released all of this stuff, and people breathed it in. I didn't know what it was. I didn't have a doctor. I didn't have insurance. I didn't know anything. All I know is the inside of my mouth was filled with lesions, and my tongue was all swollen, and I was getting night sweats and everything. And Drew's like, oh, that's Herpes. And I had this horrible fever where I would sweat through my sheets every single night. But I had a girlfriend and she never had anything. And I wasn't with anyone else. She wasn't with anyone else. She never had anything. Well, when it comes on. When you get. According to Dr. Drew, and he was pretty right on about this, when you first contract comes on like a fever, and then you get all your night sweats, you get this horrible fever and all this kind of stuff, and then it goes away. And then for the rest of your life, you have herpes. Great. But then I never got herpes after that.

[Bald Bryan]

Wouldn't that mean it wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he'll do the. It's dormant or he's not right all.

[Def Frat Guy]

The time in the face and a hematoma in my head. And there was like a lump that started getting bigger. And he touched it and said there was just some. What'd he say? Said something. Didn't have to worry about. It wasn't cancer because I thought maybe it was having brain cancer or something. And then the guy cut it out and it was a blood clot. He was wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it happens, See, it's wrong about hematomas in the brain.

[Def Frat Guy]

No, because he could be wrong. Once again, he could have been.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Well, it's been a while. Yeah, it's been. It's been a while. But he did dump acetic acid on it and hit it with a woods light because he swore that I had warts. That was another one of his things he was wrong about. He said everyone has warts, which makes me think he had warts. You know what I mean? See?

[Def Frat Guy]

Tries to say everybody has warts.

[Bald Bryan]

He's looking at the world through wart glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

Glasses, yeah. So I was working at Bodies in Motion as a boxing trainer. Jabba.

[Def Frat Guy]

Fi.

[Adam Carolla]

Just Golden Gloves.

[Def Frat Guy]

Well, you fought in the Golden Gloves?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

How many fights is that about?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for me.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or if you keep winning.

[Def Frat Guy]

For you.

[Adam Carolla]

For me, it's three. If you keep winning, you can keep going.

[Def Frat Guy]

You got through three?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

And that's it. The only time you ever tried?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Officially. Yeah. I would spar all the time because that. That was where I kind of lived.

[Def Frat Guy]

How old were you when you were going to fight in the Golden Gloves?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, my problem with the Golden Gloves is I did it when I was about 18 or 19. I did it in 1984 at the Olympic Gardens. Or not Olympic Garden, that's a strip joint. Sorry. The Olympic Auditorium.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's two places I spent a lot of time. Split myself. Hey, everybody. He's Italian Tornado. Sorry, fellas. Miltucket Jade Stage 4, Olympic Gardens. And then the Olympic Auditorium is where I would split my time. In my youth, there was a gym that was called the Montoya Gym or the Hope Street Gym, or the Olympic Gym had three names, and it was behind the Olympic Auditorium in, like, east la. There was no places to box, like, back, way back in the day. The boxing places now, and MMA places everywhere. Everything was a karate dojo and there was no. You'd have to go the horrible neighborhoods to go to the boxing places, but that's where I boxed. But I started. I did the Golden Gloves just like six months after I started, which probably too soon. And then later on, I got better, and I probably should have went back and did it when I got better, but then it was like, a little smarter, too. I got a little smarter. And then I was getting into comedy and I had a sort of profession and stuff. I was doing carpentry and stuff. At that point, I was just like, what are you gonna do? Like, but you're not gonna be professional boxer. Like, you're not going for the Olympics or anything.

[Def Frat Guy]

You gotta taste.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a taste. Yeah. I thought maybe if I did get herpes, I got it from getting punched. You think about a guy, he's more glamorous that way. For sure. Yeah. They get. They get. They put their gloves on their face. They're rubbing against their face.

[Def Frat Guy]

Give it to each other all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then they got herpes on their head.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah. I've seen a guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Def Frat Guy]

On his head.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, think about it. Then you take this sweaty, leathery thing and you shove it in the other guy's face, in his mouth.

[Def Frat Guy]

They're filthy. They have the most diseases ever. When I am, when I train MMA a lot, I would get staff all the time because they're gross. Brazilians are all hairy and gross, and they don't share and shit. So that their hairy arms and legs get more traction so that they can suffocate you and give you like Mercer at the same time. They're evil. Really box at them.

[Adam Carolla]

The ou box.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I should. If you got your gloves.

[Def Frat Guy]

I'm undefeated.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll bring. How many fights you had?

[Def Frat Guy]

One. I'm undefeated in MMA and boxing.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you had an MMA fight? And was it like a sanctioned thing?

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And a professional boxing match?

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're. What weight do you fight at?

[Def Frat Guy]

What did I fight at? Was I 195 cruiserweight? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But not in MMA.

[Def Frat Guy]

And then MMA, I was 185, which was middleweight harder than fighting.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting to 185, I don't understand how.

[Def Frat Guy]

Any of those people do that at all. It's the worst part of I don't want to fight. I like fighting, but I don't want to lose 35 pounds or 40 pounds. It's ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

How much you weigh now? What, do you walk around?

[Def Frat Guy]

Not 210, but 210 now because I got a book out and I don't go to the gym and I eat people with my kids, so I'm probably ten pounds over what I should be.

[Adam Carolla]

I should ask you about the book.

[Def Frat Guy]

I don't care about it. It's doing real good.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right, well, then I'm going to talk about stamps.com. baby, I do care about stamps.com. you want to use stamps.com youm can buy and print official US postage. You can use your computer and your printer. It's like having a post office right in without all the attitude and the wanted posters. Right in your own office, right at your own desk. You save up to 80% compared to postage meters. You don't need those things anymore. You don't need the trips to the post office. You got stamps.com. i got a special offer. Enter the promo code Adam. No risk trial. $110 bonus. Offer includes a digital scale. 55 bucks free postage. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. She's allergic to savings.

[Bald Bryan]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

And type in [e-mail] promo code Adam. All right, let's do one more story. What do we got?

[Bald Bryan]

Well, here's a sad story which touches us personally. So a man was found in Colorado, murdered, and his house was burned down. Initially, they didn't. They were treating it as a crime scene. Excuse me. They didn't know if he was killed in the fire or what happened. Turned out to be one of Dawson's really good friends. Now more has come out. The victim's name was Billy Burchett. He was 54. He was discovered by firefighters lying face down near his bed. He'd been stabbed multiple times in the face and neck. His body had severe burns. They found the guy, though. Yeah, they found the guy. Thomas Kevin Laperch, who's 22. He faces arson and murder charges. Investigators say he had moved into Billy Burchett's home after answering the victim's ad for a roommate on Craigslist. Since then, the two Argued about the rent and Burchett was planning to ask Laperch to leave. And so then I think it's a little unclear, you know, exactly what happened, but police found Burchett's home ransacked and an empty kerosene bottle lying on the floor. So Dawson, what more do you know?

[Dawson]

Well, I know that my friend Billy was one of the greatest guys in the world. A really, really nice guy who had always kind of bring in strays, you know, people that he would like to help out. And I think that this kid was one of them. And yeah, apparently there was a fight on Saturday night and then the guy killed Billy and tried to burn his body and cover the evidence.

[Adam Carolla]

Was the guy just obviously he was mentally ill this guy brought in. Right? I mean he was a 22 year.

[Dawson]

Old kid with dreadlocks and looks fucking dirty. I. Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what's so weird? I feel like, and maybe it's just we didn't have a 24, 7 news cycle or something, but I just feel like I fucking hate everyone under 30 now. Number one, that goes for you, Max Pata. And number two, I just, I just feel like people do what they want to do and then think about it later. Like, I know there was always murder, I know there was always death. I just feel like in the past it used to be over something or over a little more or at least you'd have to sold someone's honor or something. Now it's just like, you're in my grill, I'm gonna kill you. And then later on I'll see if I can sort this out. So how'd you know this guy Dawson?

[Dawson]

I've known him since I was in Santa Barbara. He was a bass player in my first band and kind of like a big brother to me, a champion. This one time we were playing a gig in Santa Barbara. This is the kind of nice guy that this dude was. We were playing a gig in Santa Barbara and Billy had become friends with Ron Blair, who was the original bass player of the Heartbreakers, replaced by Howie Epstein. And then when Howie Epstein died, Ron Blair rejoined the Heartbreakers. Anyway, we were going to play a gig and Billy was my bass player. And he said, said to me 10 minutes before the gig, he said, I'm not going to be able to play.

[Adam Carolla]

Bass for you today.

[Dawson]

And I'm like, I'm in gig mode. My immediate reaction was, dude, you dick, we have a show in 10 minutes. And he says, Ron Blair is here. And I just talked to him and he's in your band for the day. Yeah. Anyway, he was a great guy, big heart.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, obviously you're upset about it, as anyone would be. And it's just such a bizarre, weird. And it's always just like. I'm sure the guy who does it doesn't want to do it either. Like, what do you want to do, you know? Be in prison for the rest of your fucking life? Like, over what? I hope the guy's mentally ill. I mean, I'm assuming he's mentally ill. And everyone goes, well, you gotta be that way. Definition, this is. We're just talking about boxing and Max Kellerman, who you know is a great boxing analyst, I'm sure you've seen him on espn and he does all the fights and all that kind of stuff.

[Def Frat Guy]

And okay, you get a mustache, right?

[Adam Carolla]

He always has a perpetual beard and mustache, but not a real. He won't commit to a full beard and mustache. Yeah, he pauses a lot. Max Kellerman, his brother brought in a guy called the Harlem Hammer. We got to find this story. I've talked about it before. The guy was a boxer and he got thrown in prison for punching a guy after a fight that he fought. When he got his gloves off, this guy, I don't know why this doesn't happen more in boxing, but I think it was for a 911 benefit fight. He. He got his gloves cut off him and they went to the corner. It was a hard fought fight. It was, I don't know, eight or ten rounds, pretty even fight. And when they walked to the center of the ring, you know, to get the decision from the judge, and the one guy was, you know, holding his hand out, like to shake his hand, he coldcocked the guy, just punched him with the fist in the face and he went to jail. Which is like one of these things was like, good. But on the other hand, it's kind of ironic because you guys were just putting on a thing where you're trying to kill each other in a sanctioned way.

[Def Frat Guy]

There's supposed to be honor in it. You know that, right? That's like the craziest move ever. For a guy to actually agree to box somebody all those rounds and then cheap shot him.

[Adam Carolla]

And the ref yelling at the guy when he was down with a broken jaw, yelling, I told you, protect yourself at all times, was a little out of line. But anyway, he lost the decision. He punched the guy in the face and he went to Rikers. And then when he got out, he was a pretty decent fighter. And I think Max Kellerman's brother was like trying to do him a solid. Like he was trying to help him out. He needed a place to stay. Maybe he was looking to get another fight going. He had another fight. I think he lost one. But I think Kellerman's brother, who was around fighters and in that game and blah, blah, blah, said, you can stay with me. And the guy killed him with a hammer. And his name was the Harlem Hammer. Fucking insane. It's bizarre right now. I gotta get the whole. I mean, why basically the whole story, right?

[Bald Bryan]

So it was just totally senseless that he killed him.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like. Yeah, he just. He just. I mean, also, you know, guys that have suffered a lot of head trauma and probably dropped out of the ninth grade are a little more.

[Def Frat Guy]

I cry every time I had a sheriff. I got knocked out a couple times in one year. I didn't understand why.

[Adam Carolla]

Why you got knocked down?

[Def Frat Guy]

No, I knew why I got knocked down.

[Bald Bryan]

Why you cry?

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah. Well, every time I would have a shower would make me cry.

[Adam Carolla]

Every time you had a share shower. Oh, shower. Sorry. I see a little accent poking through.

[Def Frat Guy]

It happens from time to time. It's okay.

[Bald Bryan]

And you think it was just from.

[Def Frat Guy]

From brain down, I think it was just smashing my face on the ground a lot. There's a couple of moto ones where I was asleep for a long time. And then the. I woke up in those stands and then when I went back to the hotel and had a shower, I cried. And I remember telling my ex wife at the time, I'm like, I'm not sad, but I'm crying right now.

[Bald Bryan]

It was like a weird physical response.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah. And then it happened. Not every time I had a shower, but it happened a lot. For weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like for a tough guy, that is the place. That's the place to cry. We have the cheap shot that's on here.

[Def Frat Guy]

He ain't happy. That guy's not happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Butler just ran across the Richard Grant in the mild upset. A unanimous decision.

[Allison Rosen]

Victory.

[Def Frat Guy]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

But set.

[Def Frat Guy]

Oh, my. Oh, the guy ruined him.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, oh.

[Def Frat Guy]

Blood is pissing out of his face. You gotta be joking me. They should go to jail.

[Adam Carolla]

The. Yeah, well, now you can't do that. No, you are literally.

[Def Frat Guy]

I know people think it's crazy to be fought to be a fighter, but to do that, you are. You're now a psychopath before and he was one.

[Adam Carolla]

I still. I'm still don't understand why it doesn't happen every fifth fight.

[Bald Bryan]

Because I don't either.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you get Concussed to some degree. When you fight and you're a little out of it for days, oftentimes you can cussed and all you know is the guy who you've gone 10 rounds with and who's hit you in the head 126 times is now walking across the ring at you again, like, wouldn't. Almost reflexively. I'm not defending him, but don't you think this would happen every seventh fight.

[Allison Rosen]

On top of that? A lot of boxers aren't turning down biomechanical engineering careers to.

[Def Frat Guy]

It is your job too, though. He lose it if you do that? I knocked out some MMA guy in a boxing fight, and he thought he was gonna win to the point where he was sort of calling me out. And when I. When I knocked him out after it, I remember his corner weren't. I was kind of intimidated by him. There was a lot of famous MMA guys in their corner, and when I knocked him out, I went to the corner, and the one of the guys is like a crazy black belt. He reached out, put his hand out, and I remember thinking, is he gonna grab my hand and punch me in the face?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Def Frat Guy]

Because it would still. It was still very fresh to me, knocking out somebody. And then afterwards we all talk about it because he was out, right then everyone's like, hey, congratulations. I'm like, oh, my. And the guy that I knocked out said, thank you. And he was cool with me for a day, and then he didn't like me the next day. He saved it for that. For the next day on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, the. By the way, you can't talk shit about someone and then they knock you out and you talk more shit about them.

[Def Frat Guy]

It happens.

[Adam Carolla]

It happens. Anyway, Dawson, sorry. Sorry for your loss.

[Def Frat Guy]

Sorry for your loss.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever. Whatever time you need off to attend the funeral or wake or what have you. You.

[Dawson]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead and take that time.

[Def Frat Guy]

You got to make the most of your life, though, Dawson. People die, you know, I got tons of people I know that died, and I was either. I can just sit around and be pissy about it for the rest of my life. This might be too soon for you, but you get up and you move on for him.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Dawson]

I know some of your friends who are alive and still seem dead.

[Def Frat Guy]

Some of my friends. I have no friends, so that's impossible.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, you want friends? Lifelock, baby, my friend. Trying to make a smooth transition here. Identity thieves. Yeah, they'll. You'll be alive, but they'll steal your soul, man. Steal your identity. All righty. Fund anything. You guys have been so generous in this fight. The patent troll, the campaign wages on, the war wages on. These are patent trolls trying to shut down podcasting. Jason Ellis. Not a fan of these people. You can go to fundanything.com if you'd like to help us. The awesome guide to life. Get fit, get laid, get your shit together. Available on Amazon. Also, radio show, the Jason Ellis show. And I'll tell you what, what you do, you can go to the website. Ellis mate. Ellis mate.

[Def Frat Guy]

No, that's Ellis mania dot com.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah, they up. They should be fired.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, they shall be. Ellis mania.com. ellis mania.com. and you can find out where Jason is.

[Def Frat Guy]

It costs money to go on there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Def Frat Guy]

I'm super special. Yeah, I wouldn't go there.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, don't go there. Weekdays three. You can go to Sirius XM, channel 41.

[Def Frat Guy]

That's not free either.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but still, you got to pay a little something if you want.

[Def Frat Guy]

If you want something good. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

If you want the third best, this is top.

[Def Frat Guy]

That's right, third best. Wait, where'd you just put me?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they got. They got Tower, then there's me, and then there's you.

[Def Frat Guy]

Wait, you're on series.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, second best.

[Def Frat Guy]

Yeah, sorry. Fuck out of there, please. I just finally got second, and now you're gonna fucking move in and take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm stay the away.

[Def Frat Guy]

You've got this great thing over here. You run your own world. No one to any a. You don't have to answer to anybody you need. You stay there. Please leave me alone, all right?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm staying here. Chasing Alice Death. Frack guy. Allison Rosen Ball Brian saying mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that was 1283 with Jason Ellison, Def Rackeye in studio until tomorrow and get it on.

[Def Frat Guy]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with.

[Adam Carolla]

Thousands of free movies.

[Def Frat Guy]

Summer of cinema is here.

[Adam Carolla]

Feel the explosive action all summer long.

[Def Frat Guy]

With movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly.

[Adam Carolla]

Hills Cop, Good Burger, and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV stream now pay. Never.

[Bald Bryan]

Nearly 90% of kids who vape say.

[Adam Carolla]

Flavors are why they do it.

[Bald Bryan]

A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, if I try this once, it.

[Allison Rosen]

Won'T be that much of a problem.

[Bald Bryan]

But then eventually it becomes a.

[Allison Rosen]

A problem.

[Adam Carolla]

It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products.

[Bald Bryan]

In Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.