Jay Duplass + Larry Miller (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show - Episode: Jay Duplass + Larry Miller (Carolla Classics) Release Date: August 8, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, hosted by Adam Carolla, listeners are treated to a blend of humor, fictional news segments, and an insightful interview with filmmaker Jay Duplass, accompanied by comedian Larry Miller. Entitled "Carolla Classics," the episode showcases Adam's signature unfiltered humor and candid discussions on pop culture, interspersed with entertaining and exaggerated fictional scenarios.

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Fictional News Segment

Teresa Strasser introduces a series of spoof news stories, blending real-world issues with Adam's comedic twist. One notable segment involves a fabricated scandal surrounding Mel Gibson, where Teresa presents an exaggerated audio clip purportedly involving Gibson's controversial remarks.

• Notable Quote:
  Bald Brian: "He is now officially insane."
  (Timestamp: 16:13)

The segment continues with a mock report of a tragic incident in Albuquerque, where a fictional employee commits a mass shooting, leading to darkly humorous reflections on the nature of domestic disputes and societal responses to such events.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam Carolla: "If you're going to turn the gun on yourself, do it in advance. It's the same result, except people can actually mourn at your funeral."
  (Timestamp: 11:15)

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Mel Gibson Rant Parody

A standout moment features a dramatized and humorous portrayal of Mel Gibson experiencing an emotional meltdown. Larry Miller takes on the role, delivering an over-the-top rant filled with absurd threats and incoherent grievances, highlighting Adam's ability to satirize celebrity controversies.

• Notable Quote:
  Larry Miller as Gibson: "You need medication. It's all I'll accept."
  (Timestamp: 18:47)
  Adam Carolla: "He's going to have to start over and take a good look at himself."
  (Timestamp: 16:11)

This parody underscores the show's knack for blending current events with comedic elements, offering listeners a humorous take on serious topics.

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Interview with Jay Duplass and Larry Miller

Towards the end of the episode, Jay Duplass, an acclaimed director known for his work on indie films like The Puffy Chair and Baghead, joins Adam Carolla for an in-depth conversation. Joined by Larry Miller, the discussion delves into the filmmaking process, collaboration with family members, and the challenges of independent cinema.

• Notable Quote:
  Jay Duplass: "Making a good movie feels like an impossible thing to do. Having a sibling to lead the charge makes it all easier."
  (Timestamp: 51:28)

Adam explores how Jay and his brother navigate the complexities of writing and directing together, emphasizing the importance of trust and mutual support in creative endeavors.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam Carolla: "If John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill say we'll be in a movie, the chance that movie will get made and probably even get distribution is pretty good."
  (Timestamp: 53:18)

Jay shares insights on their improvisational filmmaking style, capturing authentic and spontaneous performances that resonate with audiences.

• Notable Quote:
  Jay Duplass: "We encourage our actors to jump off a cliff and be free in the moment, letting anything happen naturally."
  (Timestamp: 56:54)

The interview highlights the duo's dedication to documentary realism and the organic development of their films, providing aspiring filmmakers with valuable lessons on maintaining authenticity and flexibility during production.

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Conclusion

The episode masterfully intertwines Adam Carolla's comedic flair with thoughtful discussions on filmmaking, all while maintaining an entertaining and engaging narrative. Through fictional news stories and a substantive interview, listeners gain both laughs and meaningful insights, exemplifying why The Adam Carolla Show remains a top destination for daily comedy and candid conversations.

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Notable Quotes Summary

• Bald Brian:
  "He is now officially insane." (16:13)
  (Commenting on the fictional Mel Gibson rant)

• Adam Carolla:
  "If you're going to turn the gun on yourself, do it in advance. It's the same result, except people can actually mourn at your funeral." (11:15)
  (Reflecting on the fictional mass shooting scenario)

• Jay Duplass:
  "Making a good movie feels like an impossible thing to do. Having a sibling to lead the charge makes it all easier." (51:28)
  (Discussing the challenges of filmmaking with a brother)

• Adam Carolla:
  "If John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill say we'll be in a movie, the chance that movie will get made and probably even get distribution is pretty good." (53:18)
  (Talking about the influence of acclaimed actors in indie films)

• Jay Duplass:
  "We encourage our actors to jump off a cliff and be free in the moment, letting anything happen naturally." (56:54)
  (Explaining their improvisational approach to directing)

---

This episode encapsulates the essence of The Adam Carolla Show by balancing humor with insightful dialogue, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Core Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovann. This is the podcast we put the best moments, highlights and fans selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics. It's a premium only exclusive feed through Podcast one. Check out Podcast one Premium like ad free archives to Corolla Classics dating all the way back to when Chris and I hosted the show. And if you'd like to find ad free archives for the Adam Carolla show or the Adam and Dr. Drew show or exclusive access to Adam's brand new podcast beat it out, check out Adam Carolla's substack adamcorl.substack.com if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarollo.com Please note we cannot play anything from the Adam Carollo radio show from 2006 to 2009, the show that immediately preceded the podcast formation, all 715 episodes. I do have access to those official files and I am remastering them. They just cannot be aired here. Also, Loveline requests none of that can be aired here. Unless it was something that was discussed on the Adam Corolla show, they played it and then they did commentary over transforming that into other work. If you have a clip that you want to that no problem. If you just want old Loveline again cannot be played on this show. Check out patreon.com Giovanni if you have more questions about those shows. Now let's get to the clips coming first we have Adam Carollishow361. This is after they changed formats from the initial one on one format of the podcast with a weekly recap show. It was kind of like the new segment. And Brian sound effects. It was like radio show light they would do every Tuesday. This is when they switched over full on every evening they recorded and they were trying to emulate the radio show with 90 minutes to two hours. This episode features JB Plass, Larry Miller, Teresa Strasser, Brian Bishop. It's from 2010. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, the director of Cyrus J. Duplass and Larry Miller with a round of the hypothetical road trip game. All that plus Teresa Strasser and Bald Brian. And now Mr. Microphone, Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on, man. Date. Get it on. A lot of show planned for you today. Bald Bryan is back from his tour of his USO tour. Hanging out with the troops in Iraq and Iran.

[Teresa Strasser]

And now stop speaking in Afghanistan.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you there, Bald Brian. Great to see see you. Theresa Strasser.

[Bald Brian]

Good to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

We got ourselves a new sponsor. I just spoke to these guys today. Go to my PC dot com. How does this work? You can access your computer, your work computer, no matter where you are. And by the way, it doesn't matter if it's a PC or a Mac, you can access it.

[Bald Brian]

Really? So if I'm on a trip and I need to check in with my work email.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You can get it. And not only that, anything that's on that computer you can get at any time. Mean, just dig this. You're on a trip, you need something from your work computer. Yeah, you have to do the trip math. You're in Paris, there's a 12 hour difference.

[Bald Brian]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

What day is it over there? Could be Sunday, could be 3am Right.

[Bald Brian]

I've forgotten an important file.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to do any of that. Could you go. Someone go in the building. Go to my. By the way, see the screensaver of the kitten saying hang in there. That's hanging off the branch. It's very embarrassing. They hooked us up, Citrix hooked us up with this. And me and Donnie tried it today. It's unbelievable. When we go on the road, half the time we go on the road. We just got back from San Jose. There's a lot of what do we have this bit? Do we have that script? Do we have that footage? And Donnie says it's on the computer back at the warehouse. Well, no more with GoToMyPC.com. it's really cool. Another thing too is, I was thinking about it, just hypothetically, we have all these new inventions to make our lives easier. It's going to make our lives more efficient. It's going to be faster. We're going to spend more time at home, more time with our families. But really think about it. It's just created more work. I mean, we've become more efficient, but we're still chained to our desk and chained to our computer with this. Go to my PC dot com. You just go hang around your pool, open your laptop, work from your home computer. You're officially freed up.

[Bald Brian]

That's nice because, like, when I was working on my book, I spent a lot of time putting certain drafts on those little keychain memory chips.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

You know, just scared I was gonna lose it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

Flash drive. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

No. You know, it's funny. The guy who invented this, we're just talking to him on the phone, and he said he made a deal with his wife where they went on a vacation to Paris. She wanted to stay like two weeks. He wanted to stay one week. He couldn't be away from the office that long. He said, we'll stay two weeks if I can just rent a room. You know, we can. We can rent an apartment, and I can get a little work done during the day. She said, no problem. So essentially, just did the work he needed to do while staring at the Eiffel Tower. Anyway, great deal for everyone. I don't even know if this is a deal. It's free.

[Bald Brian]

Wait a second. I get free remote secure access.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. 45 days of free. That's right, A free trial offer. But you got to drop my name. So you go to my PC.com, use the promo code, Adam. And again, we have the greatest, most dedicated listeners on the planet, so try it out for free. If you don't like it, move on. If you do. Well, they're a sponsor promo code, Adam. 45 days. Normally, they'll let you try it for, you know, 10 seconds.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

45 day free trial. Go to the promo code and just go to mypc.com, punch in, Adam, and there you go.

[Bald Brian]

And again, if you have a Mac, that's fine, too. It's just called go to my PC.

[Adam Carolla]

That's exactly right. Also, our good friends over at Mangrate, let's make it a Mangrate summer. These guys are doing business around the block, thanks to you and Our very dedicated listeners of this program. And again, we're not going to ask you for too much. Just when we bring up a good sponsor like go to my PC or Mangrate or whatever, check them out. And by the way, it's Win Win. Because they're both making great stuff. Eight pounds of solid American iron and nothing makes a steak taste better. So again, they're sponsors. Let's be good to them. Go to AdamCarolla.com and order. Your man. Great today. All right. Now, where are we? T Bone, you got the news?

[Bald Brian]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Ball. Brian, you're fixed with the sound effects? Yeah. Larry Mailer's gonna come in here. We'll do a little hypothetical question. Let's start with the news, T Bone. Sure. See what I catch you off guard. From the International News center, next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Teresa Strasser.

[Bald Brian]

Well, there's some new Mel Gibson audio. Yeah, it is spectacular. Have you heard any of it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I haven't heard the new stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Well, let me just give you just a moment. Just a teaser. We will play along.

[Adam Carolla]

Sugar teats. I wasn't done.

[Bald Brian]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Larry Miller]

You choose who the is. We agreed. Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Larry Miller]

You agreed. You just expect. Go into the goddamn Jacuzzi yourself. God.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, it gets better. All right. But I'm gonna have to come back.

[Tony O'Neill]

You'll find out.

[Bald Brian]

You'll find out.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Bald Brian]

And then there's.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope it's not what Ray did in the Jacuzzi.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, no. And then we have a lethal weapon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's a.

[Bald Brian]

This is bizarre. It's a phone call, but there's some panting that you will not believe. Do we have the panting? Just panting.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he is a smoker.

[Bald Brian]

He goes. Just trying to catch his breath.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, by the way, during this audio, he does. Among the other things that he blames on his lady friend is that you make me smoke.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. It's her fault. A lot of things are her fault.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's true. Wow.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I'm gonna get to that.

[Adam Carolla]

Passionate man of the Christ.

[Bald Brian]

He is. Oh, my God. He's very spiritual. And he discusses that with her, too, which we'll get to. I also have some of her music. Yes. But first, this is a big breaking story out of New Mexico. New Mexico authorities said a former employee shot and killed five people at a business Monday in Albuquerque before turning the gun on himself. Police said officers responded to a 911 call at 9:26am that multiple shots had been Fired when officers entered. They found A total of 10 people shot, four dead, including a man believed to be the shooter.

[Adam Carolla]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Bald Brian]

Two have since died as a result of gunshot wounds, two in stable condition, two others receiving emergency medical attention as of right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Bald Brian]

One of the victims. According to the Albuquerque police chief, a current employee at MCOR Corp is believed to be the wife or girlfriend of the shooter. So it's a domestic situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I'm all for the domestic whatever, but it's called domestic. It has domicile, you know, just sort of right in the title. It's not a workastic. It's a domestic.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Leave the shit at. Can you believe. I mean, first off, you're probably miserable that you're at work in Albuquerque already. Secondly, you probably got nothing to do with this chick and this dude and you're just going to get off too. There's always, by the way, that one person who's just a UPS guy who was running a little bit late and just happened to be the wrong place, the wrong time. Look, and if again, how many times do I have to say, if you're going to turn the gun on yourself, do it in advance. Just turn it. It's the same result, except for people can actually mourn at your funeral. You know what I mean? Like now we're in a awkward situation as a society, but especially his friends and loved ones. What's your funeral gonna be like? You know what I mean? He was a mostly decent man who sometimes did the right things and kind of loved his wife when he wasn't shooting her in the face.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know who I prefer to eulogize me, Dag or Brad Garrett. I think either way, it'd be very touching.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine what her pussy smells like now and then.

[Bald Brian]

Some snoring.

[Adam Carolla]

She's been dead for three. Three weeks.

[Bald Brian]

Maybe they could team up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that'd be awesome.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, so this. You're right. I mean, you think of the other co workers. It's 9:26am they're probably just sitting at their desk with their coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And then because you know, somebody wasn't getting along with their girlfriend or wife.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do they have to shoot other people at work? I know. There's always the one guy you think your wife is banging around with.

[Bald Brian]

Is that it?

[Adam Carolla]

Usually, usually when they take it to work, it oftentimes means there's that dude who she was fucking at work. Or at least, you know, that's she's.

[Bald Brian]

Mentioning him too much even.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but still. Then wait till those guys, you know, go out for lunch at the Arby's and hit them on the way. That fucking work, walk into work and shoot people up thing. And again, just shoot yourself at home, please.

[Bald Brian]

Right. If you're gonna eventually shoot yourself, and they often do, just start there. Because you're right. If he just shot himself, people would say, wow, he really took that breakup hard. He was an emotional guy. He was vulnerable, and he just couldn't sustain life without her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the eulogy would be much better. And if you really want to play a head trip on the ex instead of a hole in the head, let her live with that guilt. You know what I mean?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God. If you really want to screw somebody over, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Just kill yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, have Mel Gibson write a sweet note to her. Have him craft something lyrical. No, don't do that thing where you call her up and go, listen. You kind of hope you drown in a Jacuzzi and then hang up and then kill yourself. Do a thing where you go, my love for you was too strong, blah, blah, blah. Because she'll be wracked with guilt her entire life.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, now onto Mel Gibson. Now, yesterday, we were talking about Oksana and whether or not she was indeed an internationally acclaimed musical star. And it turns out she is a legitimate musician. Both her parents were professors of music back in Russia. She spent some time in London, which accounts for the accent. She taught music. And she actually got some acclaim for writing a song that ended up on one of Josh Groban's albums. And she released one of her own, beautiful Heartache. Do you want to hear some of her?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, let's hear it.

[Bald Brian]

Take a listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Fast forward. The part where she gets gang raped by the pack anywhere.

[Bald Brian]

They don't put that in the video.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they cut that out?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it's under produced, actually. I think Mel Gibson directed this video.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a mysterious lover in the shadows. It's a theme you've never seen before.

[Tony O'Neill]

Josh Grove. It sounds funny.

[Bald Brian]

By the way, she was married to another celebrity, and they have a boy, Timothy Dalton, who you may know from License to Kill.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she's married to Tim Dalton. Yeah, I call him Jim. Jim Dal. He's married to Timmy D. Yeah. Wow.

[Bald Brian]

They had a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. All right.

[Bald Brian]

Okay. Well, now let's listen to the latest audio that Radar Online is sharing with the world. And by the way, I'm starting two minutes in because it's very long, so you just let me know when you get bored. But I thought this was really?

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Bald Brian]

The pr. The. The sweet spot, if you will.

[Larry Miller]

I was just waiting to dream. You have no fucking soul. You can't give a fuck. I left my wife because we had no spiritual common ground. You and I have none. Zero. You won't even fuck. You don't care. You don't care.

[Bald Brian]

You just enjoy insulting me. That's all you.

[Larry Miller]

I so do. Because you hurt me so bad.

[Bald Brian]

I didn't do anything. I did not do anything. And I apologize for nothing. I did not do anything and apologized for nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. Can you pause that for a second? I. I would dust off a well placed Mel. Oh. Ow. You know what I mean? Just to kind of break the tension, especially with the huffing and the puffing. I think this is good for Mel.

[Bald Brian]

You do?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

He's going to have to start over and take a good look at himself.

[Adam Carolla]

He is now officially insane.

[Tony O'Neill]

License to do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

And all the things he said before are now seen through the prism of a madman.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know what I mean? Like, before you. Ten minutes ago, he was a racist and he was, you know, sexist and he was xenophobic and blah, blah, blah. And now he's just a ranting. Now he's nuts. Now he should be chased by a guy with a white coat and a butterfly net. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is kind of good in that it's like. It's like as if your client. There's no doubt that the murder weapon was found with his prints on it and we have a corpse. And now we want to send him to the chair and. And we just found out. We just found some tape that says he's not stable. He can't. He's not fit to go to trial.

[Bald Brian]

Complete insanity.

[Adam Carolla]

He's insanity.

[Bald Brian]

It would be hard not to believe that he's nuts after hearing this.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, you know, not that I'm a Jew or a chick or black. Christ.

[Bald Brian]

Or Latin. Or gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Latin or gay. Although, you know, the day is young with the gay and Latin part. Now all of a sudden I go from I'm super offended at this guy to, oh, this guy's a fucking nut job. Like, it's like that sort of thing where, you know, when there's the homeless guy and he's on the corner and he's. One minute he's yelling about the blacks and then he's yelling about the Jews or something. And then a certain point you go, oh, he's nuts.

[Bald Brian]

He's just nuts. Yeah, he's hearing voices.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

It's nothing personal.

[Adam Carolla]

It really. I mean, once you. Once somebody's nuts, you know, all sudden, they get a whole. They get a much wider birth, sort of like, oh, he's fucking nuts.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, if you have a neurological disorder like Tourette's and you start yelling out the N word, I don't really hold it against you.

[Adam Carolla]

Like your sister Theresa.

[Bald Brian]

She never shuts up. The twitching.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm saying I think this is good for Mel. I think he's now just a fucking madman.

[Bald Brian]

Or is he just really incredibly angry at women? Let's take a. Let's. Let's hear a little bit more, because it does get a little violent. And by the way, good for Mel. I'm going to tell you what happened between Oksana and her dentist in a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh.

[Larry Miller]

You apologize for nothing. When you're a dishonest cunt, you need to apologize for a reason.

[Bald Brian]

I wanted to. Peace. I wanted to have peace because.

[Larry Miller]

Keep peace. Because you're unbalanced for me, and instinctively I feel that. And I will be patronized by you and your dishonesty and apologize.

[Bald Brian]

You need medication.

[Larry Miller]

Apologize because you know you're wrong.

[Bald Brian]

You need medication.

[Larry Miller]

It's all I'll accept. And if you will not admit that, get the out, and I will make your goddamn life miserable. All right.

[Bald Brian]

You need medication.

[Larry Miller]

What?

[Bald Brian]

Okay, wait. Now, can you pause us for a second? Is there anything more maddening then when you're losing your shit and the person is completely, like, calm and refuses to engage in any way it.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it.

[Bald Brian]

You need medication.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's. It's horrible. I'm usually the person who does that to the other person, but three times people have used my own mouth against me. My own jiu jitsu way. It's fucking brutal.

[Bald Brian]

It's brutal.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially when it's a chick and you really know she just doesn't really care. Like all your. All your. You should just go put your fucking head and hamper and yodel into it. They don't care. They're done. You're not getting fucked anymore. They're taking some of your money. It's over. Like, there's really nothing you can do.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. The total equanimity coming your way is just proof of how little he or she actually cares.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Brian]

How would I know that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Right. In stark contrast to your heavy breathing.

[Adam Carolla]

And raging, she already probably has moved on to, like, Roger Moore. Oh. By now. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Wow. Is he still around?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Daniel Craig.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or Daniel Craig. All Right, Pierce Brosnan.

[Bald Brian]

Let's hear a little bit more. Need medication.

[Larry Miller]

I need a woman. Not a little girl with a dysfunctional cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Dysfunctional?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, she had a baby.

[Larry Miller]

I don't need medication. You need a fucking bat in the side of the head.

[Bald Brian]

That's a threat.

[Larry Miller]

You need a fucking doctor. You need a fucking brain transplant. You need a fucking. You need a fucking soul. I need medication. I need someone who fucking treats me like a man, like a human being with kindness, who understands what gratitude is because I fucking bend over backwards with my balls of the knot to do it all for her. And she gives me like a sour look or says, I'm mean the.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what that's about.

[Bald Brian]

Wait, hold on. He bends over with his balls in a knot for her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't think I've ever loved someone that much. Really. I gotta be honest with you.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, that's usually the kind of love reserved for people between 15 and 23.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's weird. Let me float something and you guys tell me what you think about this. Some of these celeb dudes, especially sort of macho guys, I think they're on the hgh. I think they're on the human growth.

[Bald Brian]

So they can look young.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sylvester Stallone is, you know, 64 years old. He looks like a 33 year old when he takes his shirt off.

[Bald Brian]

Sure. They say Madonnas on that. That's just a rumor.

[Tony O'Neill]

The next big scandal in Hollywood is all these actors are on. On the roids.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this isn't.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it's human growth hormone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's not whatever form of. Whatever you want to call it. It's. It's not, you know, that's the whole thing. Whatever it is, they're enhanced. And, and it's essentially like this. Somewhere around 35 or something, your body just starts dying. Essentially. You lose muscle mass, you lose bone mass, you lose your hair, your skin doesn't. Not as elastic as it was. 35, 29. The point is this. You start coming undone and this basically replaces that. So whatever it is that human growth that you were making when you were 19, that you stopped making. Well, we'll reintroduce it into your system. Now, I wonder. We talk about, you know. Well, what about the physical repercussions, you know?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, the whole. No free lunch in nature.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And see what you look like with your shirt off, or what's it do to your liver, blah, blah, blah. But how about your brain? I mean, think about the cycle that your body is supposed to be going through this maturing, this mellowing. I mean, obviously you become less aggressive because someone's going to snap you like fucking kindling. You get in a fight with a 19 year old and you're 50 years old. Right. It does mellow you out. You wonder if the Mel Gibson's of the world, since the rest of every Hollywood leading man is on this shit. You wonder if he's on this shit. And it's not exactly roid rage, but you have the passion, you hit it on the head. Teresa, when you said, you know, 15 to 23, he sounds like you sounded like when you were madly in love and you had the hormones raging and you couldn't control your thoughts and you're obsessive and your mind was racing and you're beating off 15 times a day. God damn, Stephanie. Damn you. Huh? The point is, maybe whatever these guys are, I mean, this is not, you know, Mel Gibson is what, 53? Yeah, 56.

[Bald Brian]

Maybe in his later 50s.

[Adam Carolla]

Super rich guy in his mid-50s should have a. You know what? I'm gonna go out in the yacht and fuck a couple 23 year olds and get you out of my system. Not Listen to me. You know what I mean? I mean, this guy sounds like when the fucking undertaker's talking after WWE match with.

[Bald Brian]

It's. It's that dramatic.

[Adam Carolla]

What's his sidekick name?

[Tony O'Neill]

Paul Bear.

[Adam Carolla]

Paul Bear.

[Tony O'Neill]

I mean, I have no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I wonder if this is enhanced. I mean, I mean, I know he's nutty and I know he's probably sitting imbalance. I know he's a very deeply religious man, but I just wonder if some of this is coming from some of this juice.

[Tony O'Neill]

It'd be nice if it worked in every once in a while. Listen here, mean Gene.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Maybe there's a confluence of factors. One of them being that somehow his body is in some kind of adolescence because of the hgh.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

So he's extra loony.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You come out to the Detroit Civic auditorium on the 19th and you find out when he does that cunt in a jacuzzi.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, broken cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, no, dysfunctional.

[Adam Carolla]

Broken, dysfunctional. One of the worst Travolta movies I've ever seen. I know.

[Bald Brian]

Worse than perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Should we hear a little bit more?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, why not? Jesus. Everybody get it.

[Larry Miller]

You get it now. What mean is get it. You fucking don't care about me. I'm having a hard time and you fucking yank the rut. You bitch. You fucking selfless bitch. Don't you hang up on me, by.

[Bald Brian]

The way, quick pause. Notice how few words you hear from her. He's just going, this is eight minutes where she essentially says six words. Yeah, and she's not hanging up on him because she knows she's recording him.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Larry Miller]

You hang up. I'm coming over there.

[Bald Brian]

I'll call the police.

[Larry Miller]

What?

[Bald Brian]

I'll call the police, you cunt.

[Larry Miller]

I'm coming to my house. You're in my house, honey.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, but you, honey, don't call.

[Larry Miller]

You're in my house. So I'll call the police and tell them there's someone in my house. How about that?

[Bald Brian]

You can do that, that's fine.

[Larry Miller]

I don't involve the police in anything because I stand up for myself. You, you weak cunt. You call the cops, then I will.

[Bald Brian]

Go to Alessia's right now.

[Larry Miller]

Why don't you off to that cunt bitch, Alicia? She was fucking making eyes at me. She'd have sucked me in five seconds. Seconds. Take that one up with her. Yeah, I'm trying to spare your goddamn feelings. Oh, me in five seconds. She's not your friend. You don't have any fucking friends except me. And you treat me like. So that's why you're so angry. Because I don't have any friends and I try and make one for you and you treat me like. And you use me. The career is over. And boy, when I said that, you lit out of here faster than I've ever seen. Seen you before. And now you'll be at Elise's place. You just showed me what you are. Absolutely, unequivocally.

[Bald Brian]

I don't care if you don't spend another thing. Listen to me, listen to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. First off, wow. Secondly, the fact that he's on a payphone at a crowded Denny's shows just how absolutely insane that he is with all those people looking at him. Especially. Especially knowing that he's a big stock.

[Tony O'Neill]

He'S got a lot of dimes.

[Adam Carolla]

If I was recording somebody, and I knew I was recording it, and I knew this would be played all over the place with me on it, I would have to weave in a couple. I have to get off the phone because I have to work with special need dolphins right now.

[Rich Banks]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd have to work some of that.

[Bald Brian]

The food drive is starting and I have to go.

[Tony O'Neill]

Mel. You know my album drops in two days.

[Bald Brian]

That's right, my album. Beautiful Heartache.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Tony O'Neill]

How about this for a comeback plan for Mel? He gets on the. He's clearly sick. So he gets on the meds, trade himself out, gets back to, you know, leading a man's status, acting a list star and all that Braveheart and all that stuff. Goes off the meds for a role. Like, you know how some actors get fat for a role? You know, Daenery won Oscar because they got fat and they went through all this physical trauma. He goes off the meds for a role, just for the role. It gets back on it and they give him the Oscar.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah, I like that.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, now, later on in this recording, she actually does something smart from a legal standpoint, which is she mentions to him, you knocked my teeth out. And he doesn't say, what are you talking about? Or, no, I didn't. Doesn't deny it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's hold that for a second. Let's bring Larry Miller in for a moment because I'm curious what Larry has to say about Mel. For all I know, Larry's done a few movies with Mel Gibson.

[Bald Brian]

Odds are he's met Mel. But.

[Teresa Strasser]

Hi, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Larry. Good to see you, Larry. I would put your headphones on, Larry.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, thanks. I would.

[Adam Carolla]

Hang on.

[Teresa Strasser]

I would just like to jump in by saying. And I can say this to you as friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

I can say this to everyone listening. I can say this to my friends who are listening. And I think the best place to start is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hang on.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is just to let everyone know. And even if my wife is listening right now, just to say I can either bend over backwards or I can put my balls in a knot, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I cannot do both. Yes.

[Bald Brian]

I cannot do both.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I would like to just put that out there. I think in a way, you kind of nailed something on this. Of saying, you know what? Never mind who it is. You're 53, you're 55, you're a zillionaire. You're a gigantic star. You've won everything in the world. You can do anything you want in your work. How hard can it be? Get a big boat, have someone drive it out to the international limits. Say, find someone who can say, you know what? I'd like eight girls, and then maybe I'll have one. Rock stars do it all the time, right? But this guy. Plus, frankly, I'm sorry, it's a little funny to say, it's like, never mind taping it. It's like she has, you know, the guys from a CIA movie in the short sleeve, white shirts and the thin black ties and the reel to reel Wallensack. It's like she's reading questions. They give Them. They pass with things. Just saying, I'm not apologizing for anything, and I admit nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

And there's motion to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep him going. Keep him going.

[Bald Brian]

She doesn't really have to. She doesn't have to really elicit much because he's just going. He doesn't need any interaction.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, it's just funny to think that. I know she doesn't say much, but it's funny to think that at a couple of points, even when he might say. Anyway, that's it. Look, I'm just going to.

[Bald Brian]

What does Dr. Drew say when he's trying to wrap up a call?

[Adam Carolla]

Will do. Will do, Will do.

[Bald Brian]

Got it. Gotcha.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what every conversation with his wife sounds like. Will do. Okay, will do.

[Tony O'Neill]

I'll knock out your teeth.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, I've got a dysfunctional.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll knock out your teeth. Let me say this about Mel, though. As an actor. You know, you see a lot of these guys and they get interviewed after they do their action flick, and they're like, you know, it was really tough because. Because the monster was CGI and added in. In post. So I didn't really have anything to react to. I feel like Mel could do a great job of acting with a mouse that was never there.

[Bald Brian]

He doesn't need anything.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't need anything. He could do it in a vacuum.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, so far she said six words.

[Adam Carolla]

He could dance with that mouse in a sailor outfit all day long. That's why.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's when the horror movies get really bad, when, you know, they're just saying, okay, now Godzilla is on the left and he's leaning down, and they have. And even. Even good actors you'd otherwise like, you want to say, come on, Mel.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like Mel would be up to that challenge.

[Bald Brian]

No. You know, Larry knows sometimes when you're doing a scene, even if the other actor is off, you need them to be standing there so you have eye contact.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody ain't even just reading with you. All right, should we hear just the last few salvos of oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, there's a lot more.

[Teresa Strasser]

Was this a big finish?

[Bald Brian]

Well, listen, I don't. Listen to me, Mel. I don't give a damn if you don't spend another penny on me. I don't care. I am just. I am just fearing for the life of my daughter. Listen to me. Listen to me.

[Adam Carolla]

He should write greeting cards.

[Bald Brian]

Because I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

Saving my life and.

[Bald Brian]

And I'm saving daughter's life. That's what I'm doing. I Don't give a damn about my music. And I don't give a damn about you spending another penny. I'm saving her life.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, well, you're awful angry for that.

[Bald Brian]

You almost killed us. Did you forget.

[Adam Carolla]

You were hitting a.

[Bald Brian]

Woman with a child in her hands? You. What kind of men is that? Hitting a woman when she's holding a child in her hand, breaking her teeth twice in the face? What kind of man is that?

[Larry Miller]

Oh, you're all angry now.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna get to.

[Bald Brian]

You know what you're gonna answer one day, boy. You gonna answer, huh? Bear.

[Larry Miller]

What? What? What are you threatening?

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. Nothing.

[Bald Brian]

I'm not the one to threaten.

[Larry Miller]

I'm threatening. I'll put you in a fucking rose garden, you cunt. You understand that? Because I'm capable of it.

[Giovanni]

You understand that, Frailty?

[Larry Miller]

Get a fucking restraining order. For what? What are you gonna get a restraining order for? For me being drunk and disorderly? For hitting you? From what?

[Bald Brian]

Well, if you're keeping score at home, there was an earlier threat. I'll hit you with the bat in the head, then I'll put you in the rose garden. Then she mentioned you knocked my teeth out while I was holding your child. Mm, apparently. And you didn't hear him deny it?

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe.

[Teresa Strasser]

First of all, he meant I never promised you a rose.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I beg your pardon? I never promised you a rose garden.

[Bald Brian]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Bald Brian]

You know, it. So she claims she told her dentist that Mel Gibson knocked her teeth out the day after the alleged incident.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's a Cash song. And it was like Johnny Cash's daughter. Phil sung that song. I don't think about that one. All right. Sorry.

[Bald Brian]

It's a good song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Sorry I never promised to kill you and bury you in the rose garden.

[Teresa Strasser]

That was the working table.

[Bald Brian]

And then it was too long. It didn't quite flow. So TMZ broke the story that Oksana claimed Mel knocked one tooth out and chipped another during an explosive argument. Now, Mel, of course, denies doing it. The tape that Oksana recorded that you just heard catches Mel saying, you fucking deserved it. Now, here's what's interesting about the dentist. The dentist has never reported the incident to police. Now, under California law, a health practitioner must report to police when the professional reasonably suspects assaultive or abusive conduct against a spouse or cohabitant. And they were indeed cohabitants at that time, the dentist could end up being a critical witness. If Gibson is prosecuted for domestic violence, violence that failure to report could become a big issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh, huh. So if somebody's got a black eye, no different than a black eye, or you bring a child to the emergency room and there's, you know, finger marks on their upper arm or whatever, you have to report that the same way with a dentist. Right?

[Bald Brian]

100%. And you would err on the side of caution even if you suspected it. Now she's saying she told the dentist, my boyfriend and father of my child knocked my teeth out. That you're repairing. But the dentist allegedly did not report the incident. Who knows if that's because it was Mel Gibson and he didn't want to be involved or perhaps he didn't understand the law. I'm not sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, wait, hold on. I just realized maybe there it is.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, who is it?

[Adam Carolla]

Who?

[Tony O'Neill]

Lynn Anderson.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynn Anderson. Hey.

[Teresa Strasser]

Maybe because it was the dentist, she had so many hoses in her mouth, he just couldn't hear her clearly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

It's always hard when you want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Say with that sucker thing going all the time. Yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And he just nodded and said, I know what you mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Now, this is actually serious stuff. The sheriff's department is investigating Gibson for three alleged crimes. You got domestic violence, you got assault with a deadly weapon, and you got child endangerment.

[Adam Carolla]

I think this is one of those. He has to just go, you know, full low hand on this, which is like, I'm just. I'm nuts. I'm drug addled. I'm out of control. This is. It's. I think it's actually better in a weird. Like, if I was a publicist. Hear me out. If I was a publicist, I'd rather my guy just go whole hog. And it's sort of almost like it's easier to rebuild the house if we just completely demolish it than work with a lot of wood that has termites and dry rot like before with just the. Just all the racial stuff. That was like a house that was half a tear down, but this is a complete reconstruction. He does a thing where he goes to Betty Ford for six months. He comes out, he apologizes to everyone. He's holding a Bible. He's gotten. He's re. In touch with his. Got in touch with his faith one more time. He finally kicked the booze that was all about the booze and the medication and the pills and the mixing and blah, blah, blah. That's what you heard.

[Bald Brian]

He's got to blame it on. On the booze and the pills and the lack of medication. I mean, he. If this is true, he knocked out those. This woman's teeth who was holding his baby. It's pretty tough to bounce back.

[Adam Carolla]

Which means it wasn't with an uppercut, because it definitely had to be a hook or straight. Right. Because you go uppercut with an infant kid, pop right in the air. Yeah. All right, well, they're happy. Listen, the other thing I love about this.

[Bald Brian]

They're happy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm.

[Bald Brian]

They couldn't be happier. Happy family, a couple of things.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just glad that everyone's miserable. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I just want to play this for my wife and go, really? See, we don't have problems. I dust out the C word, what, once every six, eight weeks. Come on.

[Tony O'Neill]

Yeah, the cunt count was very high.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Tally through the roof. If they had one of those totes for cunt like they have at the Shabbat fundraiser once a year, could you imagine what that would be like? Oh, the rabbis would be going insane. Insane.

[Bald Brian]

There was quite a few. Quite a few.

[Adam Carolla]

And now Paul Reis is going to do five minutes. Enough with the C already.

[Teresa Strasser]

How does anybody, by the way, talk, say these things? Or I guess he's. Maybe it's drunk or the pills or something, but how does anyone speak on a phone in 2010?

[Adam Carolla]

That's. That think.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the whole thing, you know, this.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is just between you and me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. Everything I do now is underwater. With one of those dry erase boards. I get my wife in the pool we support, and I get one of those. It's a squeak, squeak, squeak, you cunt. I'm gonna bury. And then I hold it. Hold it down. There's just. No, it's impossible. There's nothing you can say or do anymore that's not gonna end up on the Internet.

[Teresa Strasser]

This was going out live in employee lunchrooms.

[Bald Brian]

Now, we kind of glossed over the beginning of this where he told her that she had no soul. And he explained the reason he'd left his wife was because spiritually, they just weren't connecting.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

I'm. I'm interested in getting a lesson on soulfulness from Mel Gibson.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, Chicken Soup for the racist regular James Brown. Yeah, I don't know how the. It works. He's obviously. I mean, he's an Australian who's medicated or high on booze or something. Or something's going on here, but either way.

[Teresa Strasser]

All right, well, this is one of the things that eharmony cannot call a win, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, they definitely don't want it getting out that these two met via their.

[Bald Brian]

And yet there are women right now who would still gladly date Mel Gibson.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, there are women, as we all know, who call the guys in prison, who go to prisons as soon as they become serial killers. They get like 10 proposals a day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what's weird about the proposals in prison with like the menendei boys and stuff like that. All guys. Brian, admit this, please. Hilary, I know you're with me. We have a over under on whether we're upset that they got the marriage proposal from this one or not. Meaning when the fat chick comes in with the bad dye job and the peroxide hair and the one bad tooth that's facing Mecca and she doesn't know how to apply her lipstick and she goes in and marries the dude who's in prison, we give a what's he, you know, what's he gonna do? What's she gonna do? But when you see a hot chick and every once in a while there's a Deborah Lefebvre type who pops in and is marrying one of the Menendez brothers or something, and you're like, what the fuck? All of a sudden we've come very upset, not over the idea of being married in prison, but the idea of a chick that we probably couldn't land outside of the prison walls marrying a guy who's inside. That's right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, by the way, the variation of that is, as I think I've mentioned before, when I see Jorgen Vendor Sloot or like a guy in one of those MSNBC prison shows where the guy's in for life and if he has a full head of hair. I keep thinking, but you have a.

[Adam Carolla]

Full head of hair. Why did you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Why did you do any of this.

[Bald Brian]

Stuff when you're doing life, life without hair, no parole.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My whole take on the by the way, the hot teachers having sex with the 14 year olds is if you beat off to it, it's not a crime. And I know every single time they sleep with one of those hot blondes from Sarasota sleeps with one of their ninth grade students, I know that guy is rubbed off at least 20 to that experience. And I would argue any crime, even if it's just armed robbery, if the guy behind the counter beats off to it later that night, no victim. As an attorney, that would have been my entire argument. I just get that kid on the stand and go, you're a victim. Interesting. Victims don't normally masturbate to things that when people are raped in parks or when they're pistol whipped or when Mel Gibson throws them in a rose garden. They don't normally masturbate to that. But you.

[Tony O'Neill]

Yeah, somehow a Tom Cruise movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn right I did. All right, should we do a little hypothetical with Larry Miller?

[Teresa Strasser]

I have one quick news item I brought that just happened. And this is for real. As all the things you, you report on are. This is absolutely for real. And I just want to toss it in quickly because this just happened a couple of days ago that Friday of last week. Iran, as we all know, has been getting a lot of bad publicity last few years. A lot of the thing, a lot of the killing, a lot of the threats to kill, a lot of bad pr. But every so often everyone hits on something really good. And they just passed. And this is absolutely true. Last week on a federal level, it was one of their top crimes. Now it is illegal for men to have ponytails. And I think that's a good start.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think that's a very solid move and I think we all owe them a debt to show us the way on this one. Now there's a distinct, I would make a distinction. There's the bald man ponytail where they just grab it in the back there because that's a capital crime to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's right up there with the guy pulls it through the back of the ball cap.

[Bald Brian]

That's special circumstances.

[Adam Carolla]

You could get death on that cop killer.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, that's true. And I thought I would throw that out there because I think once again it's something we all roughly agree on.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I do feel like maybe some of our first sort of common ground with the Iranian government.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's a step and it's a way to fight, find a Future together.

[Tony O'Neill]

Larry's 100% right, by the way. This actually happened. The Ministry of whatever it was, Tastefulness or something came outlawed like they established every year what hairstyles are allowed for men and specifically outlaw. There were extreme western hairstyles like mullets and ponytails.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dr. Drew]

For men.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because also it's a hairy area. It's a hairy.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

And by the way, I would like to just, this is my vote goes for next time we capture like a big terrorist or something, let the guy put a shirt on first.

[Larry Miller]

First.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my feeling.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't care if it's 4 in the morning. I don't want to see that picture for the next 14 years with the, the little shirt that comes off in the hairy thing. I, I don't want to See, do.

[Adam Carolla]

You think there's like a Khalid Sheikh Ray Cyrus over there who's devastated at this news and now is gonna have to pull up stakes and move to Turkey?

[Bald Brian]

Cutting off the ponytail while looking in the mirror and crying because that's his whole identity.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Do we have a intro, by the way? It's the hypothetical road trip game. The game where there are no wrong answers. And again, no wrong answers.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm glad, frankly, the theme underlines that, because, as you know, it's upsetting, frankly, because I say whatever's in my head, whatever's in my heart, and then if I'm wrong, if somebody say, oh, that's. That's wrong, then I feel bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I. So it'll all be right. We're at a soft swirl ice cream place, all right. And I'm behind the counter asking what you'd like, chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?

[Teresa Strasser]

So it's all good.

[Adam Carolla]

You say strawberry. I'm not gonna scream at you and throw one of those sampler spoons.

[Teresa Strasser]

I like strawberries.

[Adam Carolla]

Then strawberry you shall have.

[Teresa Strasser]

Fair enough.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. 40 year old chick who's into pirates. Or a. The guy who drives the hearse. You know, the guy just thinks it's cool. He's a little bit morbid. It's an old Caddy. It's black.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is an easy one because I have to go with the woman in the Pirates, no matter how eccentric that is. I don't want to spend time. I know when 1. When a guy gets the hearse and he says it's kind of cool. I don't ever want to be in that car. I don't want to be with that guy because it's. It's like just buying the house after people have sliced each other's heads off or they all commit suicide wearing purple sneakers or something. I don't want to be in that kind of vibe. So I would always, always drive cross country with the 40 year old woman who's into pirates.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. What?

[Larry Miller]

What?

[Teresa Strasser]

You said no.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. No, because she's. She's heavyset. She dresses like Sam Kinison.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, well, still.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she doesn't like the same music. She calls you Me Hardy. All the time. And yeah, you know, you don't know.

[Teresa Strasser]

But maybe, just maybe. No, she has a way to get someone her.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, you don't. You don't want to be with them. All right, let's. Let's go back to an oldie but a goodie. Blow hard, sober motivational speaker or professional dog walker.

[Teresa Strasser]

I would always choose the professional dog walker for a long trip because with the blow hard, the. The guy who makes good psych speeches to employees and everything, within a few minutes, I might actually kill him, and then I'd be in prison.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're going with.

[Teresa Strasser]

I have to go with the dog walker.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. She smells of dog. She has a lot of fur on. She wears, like, a juicy crushed velvet sweatpants. Has a lot of fur on it. She brings the fur into the car. She's the motivational guy. At least. First off, he's not getting into your beer, right? You know, when he's driving, you know, he'll. He can always. He's a. He's a perpetual designated driver. Never have to worry about that. She may. The dog walker may have a flask. Maybe drinking eczema. Out of control.

[Teresa Strasser]

If she smells like dog, though, remember, if I go to prison for killing the motivational speaker, I will be smelling like dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, that's a good point. Are you ready? Try one more. Still wrong? No. All right. The millionaire matchmaker chick.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, Patty Sanger.

[Tony O'Neill]

Patty Sanger.

[Adam Carolla]

Patty Sanger. Or one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Not New York, not Manhattan. The New Jersey one.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's very tough, but still very clear. I don't want someone. I don't want to chat with someone who sets people up on dates and has made a zillion dollars at it.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I would still, I feel, have a chance with a housewife from New Jersey to say, move. You could move.

[Adam Carolla]

You move out of Jersey. All right, so you're picking.

[Teresa Strasser]

I would always pick the long drive with the housewife from New Jersey.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, Patty Sanger is Jewish. I know you're Jewish as well, Larry. I think you have your faith in common. That could be things you could discuss. Could you believe the payoffs on Rabbi Newberry or something like that? Do you know what I'm saying?

[Teresa Strasser]

We could discuss our faith.

[Adam Carolla]

You could discuss your faith together.

[Bald Brian]

What often happens, it usually comes, Larry, how much you hate to pay us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How much you hate Mel Gibson.

[Teresa Strasser]

Every time I see Theresa, I don't say, so where are you going for circus this year?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. We rarely discuss the lulav and the etrog.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to discuss the circus. I just want to say this. The housewife circus. Okay? However you pronounce it, zikis, the housewife from New Jersey is probably an anti Semite or worse. Worse yet, she's gonna be one of these goyim that has all the questions about Jews.

[Bald Brian]

So do you guys eat ham?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Did you guys, like. Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

She's gonna say the Jew a million times and not know it's offensive. And she's gonna go, I once knew the Jew. And. Okay, and it's gonna be really fun.

[Bald Brian]

Do you guys have heaven and hell?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Or just hell.

[Rich Banks]

And then what's.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you don't have hell, what's to stop you from making? I guess nothing. But, I mean, you know how you.

[Bald Brian]

People are, like, breastfeed your kids till they're five. Cause I heard that, right? Like, did you ladies do that?

[Adam Carolla]

You can get a lot of that. A lot of that.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know what? I didn't think it was possible, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I feel wrong. Yeah, you're wrong. 0 for 3.

[Bald Brian]

Patty's a nice lady.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a nice, nice Jewish. You have your faith in common. All right. Sorry, Larry. Better luck next time. Sorry. Hypothetical road trip game. But we recorded that in advance. How do we know the outro, for God's sake?

[Bald Brian]

What I love, though, is that you don't hesitate. No, you know, you instantly know.

[Adam Carolla]

You think he would by now. Larrymillerhumor.com Right. Is where we go to listen to Larry, find out the dates and all that stuff.

[Teresa Strasser]

The 22nd to the 25th, they asked me to say I'm going to be the Improv in Irvine.

[Adam Carolla]

We go down there.

[Teresa Strasser]

So I know. So at any rate, it's just good to see you and see you next week.

[Bald Brian]

You should see Larry Miller at the Improv in Irvine. If you have not, you should do so.

[Adam Carolla]

And we are now commanding you to do that. All right. Thank you very much, Larry Miller, for stopping by. We're bringing in our guest, who is a director. He's done a movie called Cyrus, which is getting quite the rave reviews, by the way. Teresa's seen it. I have not. Gonna try not to screw up. His name, Jay Duplass, Is that correct?

[Dr. Drew]

That is correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Have a seat, Jay.

[Dr. Drew]

Hi, you guys.

[Bald Brian]

Hi, Jay.

[Dr. Drew]

Thanks for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thanks for coming in.

[Bald Brian]

I enjoyed your movie.

[Dr. Drew]

You did?

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you, Larry.

[Dr. Drew]

It's rare that people see the movie.

[Bald Brian]

Interview Mercer was excellent as always.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw John C. Reilly at the Tonight show actually last Wednesday. I guess you did a Wednesday, right?

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You must have watched.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You must have watched that. Nice guy. He's all right. He's all right. Yeah. You and your brother wrote the screenplay for the film, right? Yes. How do you. How do you go about that? I mean, first off, with your brother. Is it. Is it Easier or more difficult?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, for us in general, making a good movie feels like an impossible thing to do. And so to have somebody that you know really well who might not be grumpy on a day that you're grumpy, kind of like leading the charge, helping you out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Drew]

It's just all easier. But, you know, not a lot of people get along with their siblings, I realize.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'd start yelling at mine like Mel Ipson after just a matter of moments, I'm sure. And then how do you get, like. I mean, how do you get a script like this to actors like Jonah Hill and John C. Reilly and Marisa Tomei and Katherine Keener, for that matter? I mean, not so much how do you get it? But I guess what I'm asking is there's a lot of people that write a lot of good scripts, and is it one of those things where this could be made without them, or do you need names attached to something like this to get it made?

[Dr. Drew]

We had made lots of little movies for, like, literally 10 and $15,000. We were kind of developing a way to make, you know, feature films really cheaply with our friends. And, you know, they. The last. I guess, like, the first feature film films that we made called the Puffy Chair and Baghead actually went to Sundance. And so people started to know about these movies. And we actually. We had gotten a hint from a friend that John and his wife had gotten a copy of one of our films, and they were watching it, and he was, like, semi obsessed with, like, how small and weird and funny and real it was. So we kind of, like, were tapped in, and we were actually. I mean, even unbeknownst to us, when we were writing the script, like, there's no. There's no coincidence why the lead character's name is John. Like, we kept imagining him in it, and we got really obsessive about it, and, like, everything that was happening in the script, every time we imagined John, it got, like, funnier and weirder and also emotionally more interesting because, you know, he's hilarious, but he's also just straight up a great actor, so.

[Adam Carolla]

And then once John comes on board, it's easier to get Jonah, Catherine, people like that, definitely.

[Dr. Drew]

And. And, I mean, I don't know. My brother and I have always worked with, like, available materials. I mean, you know, you have to when you make a movie for $10,000. But Jonah, like, three years back, had said that the Puffy Chair, our first feature, was one of his, you know, favorite movies of all time. And that like quadrupled, like our DVD sales. I mean, he, he's basically our unofficial agent manager by talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

So he does an interview, he mentions it, and it's sort of like Halle Berry going on Oprah and talking about some skin cream she uses. Exactly.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Or Oprah talking about a book she read. And then it's Eat Pray Love.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, seriously. And then it's a mega industry and now it's a feature film with Julia Roberts.

[Adam Carolla]

So. Did you and your brother write that one too?

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, we did.

[Adam Carolla]

See, that's why I'm a good interviewer.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. You followed that follow up question.

[Dr. Drew]

We did. That was a good tie in.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, it's interesting because Brian and I a few years ago went and saw the Foot Fist way.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Because Will Ferrell discovered Danny. Danny, right. Yeah, yeah. McBride, sort of. Because he had that, I guess, at Sundance. And it just, it took one guy in a position of power naming, namely Will Ferrell, to, To embrace this guy, anoint him and bring him out here, and the next thing you know, he has quite a career going for himself. Yeah. You know, in a way, John C. With Jonah Hill. Kind of.

[Dr. Drew]

John C. And Jonah definitely did that for us. I mean, we, we were already kind of talking to studios about what films we might do, but there's a lot of like junior high type dating with a lot of heavy petting, but there's not a lot of sex going on when you first get to Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. A lot of blue balls beating off in the car.

[Bald Brian]

But then you're anointed by a couple of mavens whose taste people really trust.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, if John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill say we'll be in a movie and the budget is, you know, excessive.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then there's pretty good chance that movie will get made and probably even get distribution. Although if a movie sucks, I. You guys would be surprised how many movies that have people you've heard of it heard of in it that never got distribution just because I guess they blew that.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. When you see a movie with like five major stars and you've never heard of it or seen an image from it, I think you know what the result of that movie is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's kind of like the one that doesn't get reviewed or who they don't let get reviewed. It's the, it's the, it's when the guy refuses to take the lie detector test, is accused of killing his wife, there's a good idea who did it.

[Bald Brian]

Screen at the night before it opens.

[Tony O'Neill]

Call a tell.

[Adam Carolla]

It's what you call a tell.

[Bald Brian]

The scenes have the feeling of being improvised a lot of the time. And I don't know how much you let your actors improvise.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, I mean, we improvise every scene in our movie. I mean, we're kind of obsessed with documentary realism. I mean, I think we're huge fans of movies. But one of the things that we don't see a lot is, like, you know, you're watching something and you genuinely feel that it is real or that it looks real. And so we just encourage our actors to just come off of the script and to just have a moment in a room with each other. And, you know, they're really smart. They know what the scene's about. They know what their goals are and what they. They're trying to do.

[Adam Carolla]

So does the in. Because I heard John C. Reilly interviewed on, like, KCRW or some station like that. He was explaining that there was a lot of improvisation in the film. But then it's a script nine pages long, or it's a script filled with the words that you would like them to say, but sort of paraphrase that.

[Dr. Drew]

The script is just a normal, regular script that's 100 pages. And, you know, we sort of talk to them like these are suggestions of what these characters would say. And, you know. But the thing is, I think it's more about the way that we shoot. We don't really do setups where, like, people walk up to a mark, they turn to the right, they say, hello, you cut it, and then people chunk it together. We actually light the whole room, and then they actually do a whole scene the whole way through every time they do it. And then we film it. I actually still shoot and film it like a document crew, basically, and just try and encourage them to just, you know, jump off a cliff and basically be free in the moment and let anything happen.

[Adam Carolla]

I have always found is whenever I try to perform, especially when the writer, the director gets too up in your head about the actual dialogue because it always fucks you up. And it's a horrible way to direct a film or to really try to get anything good out of anyone, performance wise, there's certain people just have certain ways that they say things. And certain people will go, I'm leaving now. And other people will go, now, I'm leaving. And that's just the way they say it. And it'll be in the script, I'm leaving now. And the person will go, now I'm leaving. And you'll hear, cut. Let's get one where you say, I'm leaving now. And the person will get up in their head about it, and then you'll hear them go, go, you know why? You know what? And then there'll be a weird pause where you can tell they're thinking about it. Now I'm. Oh, no, I fucked up. And then somebody else. No, that was the right way that time. And it's just a horrible way to do it. And I've had it a million times where people go, say, I'm leaving now instead of now I'm leaving. And it's like, what the fuck is the difference? And why are you up in my head and you're not getting anything good out of this? And by the way, it's only that way because some asshole wrote it that way in his apartment six months ago. It's not like it's better.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, it's not better. I mean, that's. We don't even direct the first take. Honestly. Like, we have the opposite problem with our actors, where they're like, you're giving us too much control over what we're doing. Because a lot of times, you know, swimming in a sea of infinite possibility can be stressful, you know, but in general, if they're willing, we don't even direct them on the first take because we find that probably a third of what's in the movie is a first take. It's that, like, lightning strikes, you actually capture it, a real thing actually happened. And, you know, I think that audiences can tell on some level that this wasn't planned. You know, I think there's, like. There's a palpable sense of anything can happen in this moment. That's why people watch America's Funniest Home Videos. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, I mean, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

It's the essence of comedy. It is. Stop me if you've heard this one before, and if you've heard it before, it's no good. And it's like when you watch those. You know, when you watch those viral videos on, you know, funny or Die or whatever, if you think the guy set up the rake, set up the camera, and then stepped on it so it hit him in the face, it's immediately ruined.

[Dr. Drew]

You'll be so turned off in a half a second. But, you know, and you know, when it's real, when a guy in a mustache is climbing a ladder to clean off snow off of his roof, you just get. You're just so excited about when and how and what might happen.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so weird that even, like, if you watch a movie, like, where somebody's supposed to get hit in the head with a handball, like John Candy and the Mermaid Fish, or whatever the mermaid movie was, swim or flash or whatever it was you watch, it's. It's hysterical, but you'll see John Candy lean into it or sort of lower his head into it or whatever. Just that little move of. If you were watching this, you'd say it was cooked. When it looks cooked. And also, wow. See, now you got me going on your movie. But it's interesting because I've always said your first take is probably your purest. I've always told everyone, look, if you want to pick out a wallpaper, don't take the swatches. Hang them up in the entry hall and stare at them for six months. You'll start swimming, have your friend hang them up. You turn your back, turn around and make a decision right now. I want the third one. You'll never be more pure than that moment. Your mind will never be freer. So somewhere around the 18th take, your head is just swimming, and then you're not even acting anymore. You're just trying to spit the words out so you can go home.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, we've actually gotten this new technique that we used to do that when we had when we're doing independent films. We'd, like, have a location for a day, and you have it for a day. So we'd just kill people. You know, we just stay there until we got what we thought was right. And now what we do is if we don't get it in, like, two or three hours, we just skip it, move on to something else, and then come back to it later. Because we're of that same philosophy where it's like, if it's not really happening naturally, you're gonna bake it. And, I mean, our movies in particular, live and die on whether these moments feel real because the plot is very. It's a very simplistic plot. You know, it's just the way that it's handled and.

[Bald Brian]

And the reality, something that made it feel especially real to me. This might seem odd, but the art direction, like Marisa Tomei's apartment, just looked like where that woman would live. And everything she wore was so specific to her.

[Dr. Drew]

Thank you. Well, yeah, I mean, we definitely, like. We had this idea that, like, you know, this is a woman who got pregnant in 1989, did not want to be with the dude, and Just decided I'm gonna move out to Highland Park, Louisiana. I'm gonna buy a Craftsman house for $60,000, and we're gonna live out this weird artistic lifestyle together.

[Bald Brian]

Right. We're gonna take pictures every morning.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. And we're gonna compose, make weird music and, you know, act like the rest of the world doesn't matter.

[Adam Carolla]

What did you shoot it on?

[Dr. Drew]

We shot it on the red camera, which is a new high end digital sort of. You know, we've always shot digital before and it allows us to run really long takes. And I mean, before it was just a matter of cost. But I think recently we've come to realize that, like, there's sort of an immediacy with digital where film is beautiful and I think most films should be shot on film, but it definitely puts things off into a dreamy sort of, you know, distant land. Whereas, like our movies again, live and die on you feeling like you're in the room with these people, experiencing these uncomfortable relationship moments, you know, as they're really happening. And digital does that, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

And so I imagine now with these success of Cyrus. John C. Reilly told me while he was getting makeup applied in his dressing room, by the way, that's how, you know, you've applied, you've arrived. Because if you're a C lister, like the ace man, here you go, sit down in the chair.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I've noticed when I was in there, jeez. Tim Allen, Chauncey Riley, who the hell else? Oh. Oh, wow. Sandra Bullock. Right before that whole thing blew up, they're all sitting in their dressing room with their makeup.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They bring their own team in there. But when I was talking, going to.

[Tony O'Neill]

A golf course and using their clubs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. When I was asked him about the movie, he said that the on screen or per screen average was. Was really high and that I think they were third nationally. This is a week and a half ago or so. And that. Or maybe, maybe not. No, just a week ago. And then looking to expand, open up into more cities, more screens.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, I mean, that's like the goal. I mean, you know, it's a tiny movie, you know, released by Fox Searchlight, and they normally do, you know, two or 400 screens. But if people love the movie and the, the word of mouth is traveling, it's just whether or not it gets out fast enough for us to like.

[Adam Carolla]

Stay on the screen, stay and then.

[Dr. Drew]

Open, you know, in a bunch of theaters.

[Adam Carolla]

Either way, for you, you have crossed the bridge from beating off in the car. Yes. And the blue balls with all the glad handing and all the bullshit meetings and all this. Sounds awesome, right?

[Dr. Drew]

Because now I have studio execs that will beat me off at the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Who will maybe even drop a digit on you.

[Bald Brian]

Wow. More than just a free water.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, it's possible.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not just because I've been bouncing around the city long enough too. Their intentions aren't cruel. They would like to make a movie too. It's just the idea is, so would everyone else and it just rarely happens. It's not that someone is saying, well, come on into my office so I can waste an hour of your life. They have a plan. It's just they're not going to see it through. Yeah. And then you're not going to get to see your playing through either. But now when something like this gets under your belt, it just. This is what you need. Just a little juice, a little heat, Just something somebody recognizes, like. Oh, I know that one. Sure. That's you.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, I think that's. It's huge for us. I mean, you know, one of the things that we've been trying to get momentum with and that has been good and now I think is only going to be better is just actors in general. That's been our, like you started out with, our source of power has been that even, even, you know, really big actors have seen our tiny little movies and they're like, oh, I want to do that. I don't know what it is exactly that you're doing, but I can tell that it's not the way that we normally work and.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Drew]

That, I mean, you know, we've been fighting through this for so long. It's like at this point it's, it's not about the money at all or anything. It's just about like surviving and then continuing to keep doing what we like to do.

[Adam Carolla]

And as far as what you like to do, the writing, the directing, is there one you like more than another? And if somebody said and this could very well happen, then where somebody has a script and says, we want you to direct it. Now Iron Man 3, it's more about.

[Dr. Drew]

It's probably just writing and directing. It's doing our own stuff. And I think the reason why we're probably gonna stick to our own stuff is because we destroy the scripts along the way. We improv a lot. And you know, although the structure stays the same, I mean, we really will do anything to get a real and inspired moment in that moment. And you know, when you have people like John and Jonah And Marissa and Kathryn Keener on set. I mean, I think our job is. What you said is, like, just to, like, create an environment where they can be the best. Best that they are. They're already goddamn great at what they do. Just don't fucking get in the way of what they're great at.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like that. Although I'm sure you guys would be completely different in three years, screaming at everyone you work with.

[Bald Brian]

I'm leaving now. And that's what you'll say.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This isn't Old English. You.

[Dr. Drew]

I look forward to those days. Can't wait to.

[Bald Brian]

Now. Do you guys know the Coen brothers, another famous directing brother?

[Dr. Drew]

No. We tried to be them in the early 90s, and we failed miserably because we realized they're the Coen brothers, and they're really fucking good at being the Coen brothers. Yeah, Nobody's gonna touch that shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, what do you like as far as some of your favorite films? Coen Brothers, Eagles, man.

[Dr. Drew]

We're huge fans of the Coen brothers, actually, specifically. Even though they. They're kind of the opposite of what we do. They have, you know, by the time they storyboard their movie, I think they're already 90% done in terms of the control that they are able to manifest. But you know, that. And just honestly, like, America's Funniest Home Videos and documentaries, anything that's real. I mean, you know, my wife hates me and so on me for, like, watching that crap, but, like, it just makes me laugh constantly. And anything, honestly, where I feel like I don't know what's gonna happen the first five minutes that I sit down to watch it now.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you seen Overnight, the documentary about.

[Dr. Drew]

The guy I saw Overnight several years ago?

[Adam Carolla]

I love that.

[Dr. Drew]

Incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. I love all. All documentaries and Coen. Yeah. Fargo is great. And they did Raising Arizona, right?

[Dr. Drew]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You know what? I like that people don't talk about. I'm gonna forget the name with Billy Bob Thornton, and it was Scarlett Johansson's first big role. It's kind of black and white. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Dr. Drew]

Oh, I know which one you're talking about. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

The man who Knew Too Much.

[Dr. Drew]

The man who Knew Too Much.

[Bald Brian]

That was a really good movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. That was a really interesting movie.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're like.

[Dr. Drew]

And Richard Jenkins is in that, too.

[Bald Brian]

He's great.

[Dr. Drew]

He's freaking amazing about.

[Adam Carolla]

The Coen brothers is at their worst. They're interesting. Oh, absolutely. Worst you can say about him. Is that was an interesting film.

[Dr. Drew]

And you'll be thinking about that next month.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

Right. Like Blood simple wasn't my favorite, but it's not like it doesn't haunt you.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey T. You got the rest of the news? I do, Jay, you're. You hang out with us.

[Dr. Drew]

Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

And comment on the news. The rest of the news with Teresa Strauss. Help. My movie. I gotta get you my movie so I can get into one of your movies. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Have you enjoyed the Hammer yet?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he has not.

[Dr. Drew]

Not enjoyed the Hammer yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's seen it, but he just hasn't enjoyed it yet. Maybe the second joy.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, well, since you're here, maybe you'll have an opinion on another famous director, Rowan Polanski. He is no longer under house arrest. The Swiss government yesterday rejected the United States attempts attempt to extradite him back to America in connection with his 1977 arrest for having sex with a 13 year old girl.

[Adam Carolla]

The Swiss government.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. Polanski was declared a free man. Allowing the Oscar winning director to return to his native France as well as any other country that does not have an extradition treaty with the U.S. the ruling was considered a surprise, especially since Switzerland handles about 200 extradition requests a year and about 5% are rejected.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a celebrity thing, right? It is.

[Bald Brian]

Well, the Swiss government is saying that they asked for documents in connection with the case and that the United States would not release these documents. They're also saying he was a friend to Switzerland, he'd spent a lot of time there, he gave not a lot.

[Tony O'Neill]

Of documents With Benjamin's on the co. Yeah, I'm sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Please tell me if this sounds out of line in any way, shape or form. I'm gonna try not to sound like an ugly American. Here. We have laws and then he's living in our country, right. And then he rapes somebody essentially and breaks our laws. And then we are going to prosecute him for raping this 14 year old, I think 13. 13 year old girl because we have laws here. And he finds out that he's got a hanging judge and he says I'm going to France and I'm going to escape your. Your rules, your laws. How about the part where we just take a couple of guys with windbreakers and their cuffs on the belt and crew cuts and put them on a Pan Am flight and say, excuse me, we're going to France and we're gonna go collect their fugitive and we're gonna bring them back and we're gonna prosecute them. According to our laws in France, if you have an issue with that, first off, we'll fucking bomb a hole in you so fucking big you'll never be able to get out of it. But secondly, fuck off and then fuck off again. Are you fucking nuts? Let's just go get him and bring him back.

[Tony O'Neill]

He's directing movies. You know where he's gonna be for two months at a time.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? But why was this done in 1976?

[Bald Brian]

Here's what happened. He pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse. At the time claimed he feared that another judge might put him in jail for 50 years in violation of a plea bargain. Initially, the justice authorities had apparently agreed to drop other charges, including rape and sodomy, in Exchange for a 90 day psychiatric evaluation from which Polanski was released early. So on the eve of his sentencing, he went to Europe. Now he's a French and Polish citizen. I think. I think he's a duel. Or I guess I'd be three.

[Adam Carolla]

How about we just. I mean, listen, everyone who calls this country a bully can blow me. Because if we were really a bully, and especially what we did for France in World War II. And by the way, this is not so long after World War II. I mean, you know, it's 25 years after World War II. Tell me about that, Grandpa Carolla. Maybe a little more, but not so much. Everyone whose ass we saved in World War II is still fucking alive. And I'll bet you half those ass wipes are in positions of power by 1974 or whenever the fuck this takes place. How about we just fucking go over there and get him, and if they have a beef with it, we'll destroy them. I don't think they have a beef with it. They have a long track record of not having a beef with aggressive actions. How about we just go get him? Does that make us bad? He's a fucking rapist.

[Bald Brian]

What's confusing is what. What kind of confidential documents we wouldn't give the Swiss to extradite him? I mean, what could we possibly be hiding?

[Adam Carolla]

But as far as the Swiss go or any of those ass wipes go, like, hey, we're coming to get our fugitive and we will bring him back safely and try him fairly well.

[Bald Brian]

Let's take a look at the Swiss. What? 500 years of peace and prosperity and the best thing they've given the world is a chocolate and good clocks. Yeah, they had all those numbered bank accounts where the Nazis were able to hide all their.

[Dr. Drew]

When you're happy, you don't get anything Done when you're happy is you're just dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

You're just happy. Eat cheese, have sex and you know they contribute nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Julia Roberts movie, eat cheese, have sex, Oprah loves it. Yeah, yeah, I just, I just. Whether it's the guy who kills the federal agent, then flee, flees to Mexico and they won't give it back because we have a death penalty, or whether it's the director that hits the 13 year old in the back door of Jack's mansion. Either way, should we just go over there and get him and go, hey, fuck off.

[Dr. Drew]

Did you guys see the Polanski doc? There's a doc that came out. I don't know if this affected you guys the way I did, where the doc is primarily about this case. But then, you know, two thirds through the doc they start talking about what we all know is that his wife was murdered with his baby inside of her by the Manson family.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Drew]

And at that point in time I literally lost all focus on the, on the case and the trial at hand. I was like, this guy's wife and kid got murdered by Manson personally.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, you do you shift your.

[Bald Brian]

Allegiance because you start to think, well, not only was this guy coming from war torn Europe. Yeah, yeah, right. But then his wife and child were brutally murdered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And he was obviously off.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. The scale of this guy's life is a little different from mine. Whereas like if they don't have like my, my Jolly Ranchers At 7:11, I come home.

[Bald Brian]

Right. You have to get some sour apple and not cherry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

It's just not.

[Adam Carolla]

She definitely paid his debt to society.

[Dr. Drew]

She definitely paid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And now listen, cosmically I'm square with him, but I'm just saying I don't think that that's an interesting question.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, are we. Because raping a 13 year old is pretty grizzly.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, doesn't she want this to be over? Doesn't she want to call it?

[Bald Brian]

Well, did you remember the interview with her and her mom from that documentary?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Very strange because the mother dropped her off.

[Adam Carolla]

I just remember the interstitials with Tom Berger on. That's all I remember. Always livening things up.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, absolutely made it.

[Adam Carolla]

Some of that was canned laughter, by the way, when he started. Definitely sweet and imposed. Either way, I just don't understand why bother being the most powerful nation on the planet if you're not allowed to go get your fugitives and bring them back to your powerful nation and then prosecute them. I understand why he was able to do that in the first place. And who knew it was that easy?

[Bald Brian]

I know. I thought they just took your passport, but I guess if you're a French and a Polish citizen, they don't have the right.

[Adam Carolla]

Once again proving, by the way, that the world hates us. And once again proving that even when you help people out, they hate you even more. France has had a fucking France. France hated us. Their hatred for us was at about three and a half before we bailed their fucking ass out of being. Their culture being completely usurped by Nazis and destroyed. But when we did bail them out, then we shamed them. Now they really hate us, and that's why they claim to love Jerry Lewis. Oh, think about this. I don't think the Germans like Hasselhoff and I don't think France likes Jerry Lewis. I think they sit around and think what would piss us off the most.

[Dr. Drew]

Trying to champion the most embarrassing elements of our society.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Raise them up to the world. What would With Uncle Sam the most. And this would be it. Oh, no. We love Hasselhoff's music. He is an awesome recording artist. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Well, Rowan Polanski.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Hasselhoff. I don't know if you're familiar with this word. Rowan Polanski is free, but Lindsay Lohan will apparently be going to jail. And she's very scared. Not because of the other inmates, but because she can't stand being alone. And she thinks she jail will push her over the edge. Sources close to Lindsay tell tmz Lindsay is climbing the walls because of the prospect of jail. She can't be confined to small spaces. She can't be alone. It's so bad that when Lindsay flew back from France in May, she asked a friend to fly from LA to Paris just so she would have someone to fly home with her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, someone's gotta mule those drugs.

[Bald Brian]

There's that.

[Adam Carolla]

I think she doesn't want to be. Well, the good thing is you can go nuts in jail and nothing really happens, you know, I mean, it's a good place to go nuts as opposed to behind the wheel of a Winnebago.

[Bald Brian]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Going over like, you know, a suspension bridge. But she probably is one of these people that needs a lot of substances in her and not being able to have those substances is kind of freaky.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I know. She's allowed by the court to take a certain amount of medication that she's been prescribed. Prescribed. So I don't know if she continues to get that. And then I started thinking, well, she probably gets psychiatrist Visits while she's in there for medical reasons. And I don't want my tax dollars treating Lindsay Lohan's addiction. Yeah, I really don't let her pay for that. You know what I mean? Why is that our problem? I'm sorry you got in trouble with 5o.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Bald Brian]

You don't know how to hire a driver that you can afford instead of driving drunk. Why is that my problem?

[Adam Carolla]

But then she'll probably then get some community service and she'll be doing some PSAs or picking up trash. Like, what will she be doing?

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. What job does she get?

[Bald Brian]

I don't think it'll playing Linda Lovelace in the biopic, for one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's washing cop cars, there's picking up garbage, and then there's the PSA one.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Dr. Drew]

She's definitely getting the cop cars. No doubt about it.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, well, she'll probably be kept away from Gen Pop and have her own cell. She's afraid she'll be lonely. I think she's gonna end up at Linwood where Paris Hilton went Jen Pop.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like it.

[Tony O'Neill]

Two great porn stars.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Category on itunes too.

[Bald Brian]

Glad is not happy with the View.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Bald Brian]

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance.

[Adam Carolla]

Sherri Shepherd.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Said something.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What a shocker.

[Bald Brian]

She did.

[Adam Carolla]

The gay rights normally so hysterical.

[Bald Brian]

She's. They're upset over the show's June 22 episode in which host Sherri shepherd and guest host D.L. hughley. I don't know how to say his name. Hughley.

[Adam Carolla]

Hughley.

[Bald Brian]

But it's Hugh Grant. Yeah. August did that.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike August, who books the show, swore it used to be like. Hugely. And then it went to Hughley and. And then Hughley. But D.L. hughley.

[Bald Brian]

D.L. hughley was discussing increasing HIV rates amongst straight African American women with Sherri Shepherd. He blamed.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. That sounds hysterical.

[Bald Brian]

Keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good stuff.

[Bald Brian]

He blamed the increase on black men who are secretly gay. Variety. There was an ad in Variety taken out by glaad, and the ad comes down on the show for perpetuating what the Centers for Disease Control has publicly disproven as a myth. That's a quote from the ad. The ad says that despite several requests to have the View provide the correct information to viewers, nothing has been done. GLAAD is demanding an on air apology.

[Adam Carolla]

They're very angry group for a group whose acronym is Glad, you know. You think it'd be a jovial bunch with that. That name, but not so much. So DL is saying that a lot of the brothers are sort of quietly stepping out Which I have heard on the DL, which I have heard quite a bit culturally. Not great for them. And also sort of a career buster, too. And it just. You do wonder about, like. Like you take like Eddie Murphy. Like, I don't like white people. What the hell's he doing? What was. What's that about? You know, we. How does that work? You know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna pick up a trip transvestite at 4am But I'm straight.

[Bald Brian]

I've always been straight.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's always been a little Magic Johnson where the hell. Exactly grabbed those aids. Was he. Was he banging away with James Worthy in the straight suite or was he somewhere else? I'm always a little curious about how that works. I know it's a sort of death sentence in that community to be gay.

[Bald Brian]

Well, double if you're an athlete, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, not an athlete. Yeah, whatever color you are. But especially, especially an athlete. But how. What do you think of that? Do you think that's totally false? I mean, I know Glad or Happy or Whoopee has their own. Their own statistics, but you can kind of cook those up anyway. You want to cook those.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I guess the question is, why are more straight black women getting hiv? You know, and Whoopi has all the answers, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

She does. Yeah. And so where's that coming from?

[Bald Brian]

I have no idea. Perhaps it's drug use. I mean, there's any number of things. But GLAAD is saying that according to the cdc, it has nothing to do with this black men being secretly gay thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it wouldn't help if black guys were stepping out.

[Dr. Drew]

Is it because they're upset that black men are. That they claim that black men are secretly gay or that. That black men who are gay are spreading aids, hiv?

[Adam Carolla]

GLAAD has an agenda which is AIDS is an equal opportunity killer. So there's not all roads lead to the guy's asshole. You could get it anywhere. And they've been spreading their own propaganda about, oh, you can get AIDS anywhere and you can get aids. Any heterosexual couple get it. And it's like, while technically true, everyone just close your eyes and picture all the straight couples and all the straight people you've known who have gotten AIDS versus gay. And it doesn't take a fucking clinical scientist to figure out that more gay people than straight people get it. But they are constantly doing battle against that and probably wasting everyone's time. Thanks.

[Bald Brian]

You're welcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Bald Brian]

A high school teacher in England has gotten in some trouble. Benedict Garrett is a sex education Teacher. He was outed as a porn star after a student found a website promoting his services. Garrett, who goes by the porn name Johnny Anglaise Moonlights, is both a stripper and a porn star, appearing in films such as European Honeys 4.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, his first name is Benedict. Yeah, Benedict needed to get a porn name.

[Bald Brian]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

All you gotta do is take your name and just hyphenate it like.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Well instead he's Johnny Anglais. Maybe he didn't want people to know his name, but they found him anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Bald Brian]

Now speaking of safe sex, as a sex ed teacher, obviously he promotes safe sex, but in his work he does not always use protection when performing for the camera. He's now been suspended by school chiefs, but he's not apologizing for his actions, saying, I'm not ashamed of what I've done. And there are many more immoral ways to earn money than romping in front of the camera.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's he romping with or on? Do they say?

[Dr. Drew]

What's his genre?

[Adam Carolla]

Sherry shepherd wants to know if he's.

[Bald Brian]

On the down low. Yeah, it's unclear, but I, I, we could look up European honeys with a Z4 and see what sort of honey porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

I want to know about what's going on with the non use of condoms in porn. Like do people not, are they, what's, what's the situation? It's really interesting community there.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what's, how do they do it? I think it's the DNA AIDS testing. The immediate DNA AIDS testing or whatever they're doing now, which is when AIDS came out. Then they didn't use condoms and then everyone freaked out and then they started using condoms. I'm such a pig that I didn't like the condoms in porn. Like I'm really bad.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, I don't like them either. I mean I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

But just, you know, how spoiled do you have to be where it's like, ah, this is really ruining watching strangers fuck. I'll beat off, but it'll be, I'll not be a good begrudging. It'll be begrudging beat off, by the way.

[Dr. Drew]

It won't feel as good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like playing a game under protest. Let it be known I'll come to.

[Tony O'Neill]

Even more than usual.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I will not be happy about this.

[Bald Brian]

I would like to register my disapproval.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Before I start this jack session.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So then they started wearing condoms and for some reason the condoms now the condoms wouldn't go on until the intercourse happened.

[Bald Brian]

I've never seen a condom porn they'd get.

[Adam Carolla]

You should pray you and your child never have to endure this anguish. They'd get the blow job, and then the condom would be donned at some point. And the guys that were really good could sort of whip the thing off. Sort of. Was it Jim Abbott, who was the guy? Who was the pitcher only on one arm, Jim Abbott. They'd handle the condom like he would handle his mitt. He'd keep it on his stub. He'd throw his pitch immediately go on to his other hand like you wouldn't even know it. There's been a couple of baseball players that didn't have, like, there was an outfielder, like, from the 60s or something. Did not have an arm. Use of an arm. And the same way they could make that quick, quick, pop, pop, pop. That's the way these guys will do it. I've seen a guy even use his foot once. Just pow, heel, pow, right? There's probably a condom wrangler just out of frame as it grabs it. Got it, boss.

[Dr. Drew]

He's got, like, a catcher's mitt back there, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And so then they pop the condom off. Now, I don't exactly know. I'm no doctor, but again, getting the blow job with the condom off, then putting the condom on and screwing and then popping it off and dropping the load in her face. Seems to me like, again, I'm not a doctor, but it still seems like there's a way that the disease could be transmitted.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, sure, there's the oral. There could be a sore in your mouth that is. Yeah, I don't. I think if you asked Benedict Garrett in his sex ed class if those were safe practices, you would have to tell you no.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got to be bad times for the chick who's like, oh, thank God this guy's wearing a condom. Ten seconds later, my eye. Oh, God damn it. What the fuck? You're wearing a condom. Where is it?

[Tony O'Neill]

I was wearing a condom.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't shoot it across the room like a gym sock and then drop a load. My cornea. What the fuck? You're wearing a condom. All I was told is that you would be wearing a condom. I know. The part where you threw it off right at the part where I want you to keep it on, by the way, and then put jizz up my nose. This is horrible.

[Tony O'Neill]

You don't remember years ago on Loveline when you came up with the condom loader? Oh, yeah, they give the over the crotch automatic condom loader.

[Dr. Drew]

That's really.

[Tony O'Neill]

What's that have been used for? This have been used for.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the guys. A lot of guys didn't want to use the condom because of the interruption.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Momentum.

[Bald Brian]

You got to keep it near the nightstand and.

[Adam Carolla]

And you don't want her to sober up.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Roofies wearing off, duct tape coming loose.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

It's like you're a thief. It's like this clandestine activity you're doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Over here in the corner. Yeah. Theresa, I don't know if you notice, but when we try to fuck you, we act like you don't know we're fucking you. So, like you're fucking like, I gotta fucking. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

In this 12 seconds that I reach for the condom, she's gonna realize what's happening and change her mind.

[Rich Banks]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

It is true that if there's like, this interruption in the action, you're scared the skipper's gonna come running out from the bullpen with the windbreaker and just go, sorry, you're gonna. Coming. You're coming back to the dugout, you know, bringing Charlie Sheen. Right. So he's going for Sheen.

[Tony O'Neill]

Bringing the lefty.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah. As a closer.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, there's a. Yeah. Well, anyway, so, yeah, the condoms. But now I think they have this sort of immediate DNA test. So it used to be they take, like, a blood sample, and it took two weeks or month to find out whether you had aids. Now they can find out almost immediately if you have aids. That and the big mound of coke everyone's doing seems to have made it okay.

[Bald Brian]

I think there's a flaw. From what I understand, there's voluntary or the industry has created this voluntary mandated testing, but it's not from the government. It's from the industry. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like I've seen a documentary where there's one clinic that they all go to for their monthly test. The problem is, I think even with that immediate DNA swap, I think there might be a period of time where even if you've been infected somehow, the virus doesn't show up in your blood.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, that's what I was always told. That's what they always tell you to scare the crap out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't.

[Dr. Drew]

This could show up 10 years later.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw that.

[Dr. Drew]

Have a good day.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw that doc, too, and I.

[Bald Brian]

Don'T know, they all go to that same.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if Bergeron was just reading cue cards or speaking from the heart when he said that. This was pretty much foolproof and that it was safe.

[Bald Brian]

And yet occasionally one guy gets. One porn star gets it, and then a few others are infected. Has happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Porn stars getting AIDS is sort of like when somebody's killing street walkers. We're, we're. We're not happy about it, but we're not as upset as when the blonde head kid from Florida gets it from the transfusion of blood. You know what I mean?

[Bald Brian]

Two words. Assumed risk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Thank you. Yeah, it's the guy buying it on the motorcycle. Like, it's sort of like, well, I guess you shouldn't have been on that bike. Like it's sort of. I don't have a motorcycle, so I'm cool with it.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I'll leave you with this. Another story from the world of film. Comic writer Harvey Picar, whose life was portrayed on the big screen by Paul Giamatti in the film American Splendor, died in his home early Monday. He was 70 years old. According to Cleveland police, officers were called to Picar's home by his wife at about 1am his body was found between a bed and a dresser. Cause of death, not known, but he had been suffering from prostate cancer, asthma, high blood pressure and depression.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I don't. Did you see the movie?

[Dr. Drew]

I love that film.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, hilarious movie. Amazing guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Was that the one that was sort of half animated?

[Dr. Drew]

Yes, that was the film. Half animated and half real life. And they used PR in the film itself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Boy. Found between a dresser and.

[Bald Brian]

And a bed.

[Adam Carolla]

And a bed, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Cause of death not yet known, but I guess he was not well. And Paul Giamatti was great playing because he. The actual. Some of the real characters were also in the movie. Like the nerd guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Who's maybe another artist.

[Adam Carolla]

I consider myself a nerd.

[Bald Brian]

That guy was almost exactly like the guy he was playing.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Well said.

[Bald Brian]

Well, may rest in peace. I'm Teresa Strasser, and that is the news.

[Adam Carolla]

The news with Teresa Strasser. Eat a dick. Msnbc. And Jay, maybe Paul will be one of the interesting, talented actors lining up to do your next project.

[Dr. Drew]

I'm obsessed with him. So, yeah, he knows it.

[Adam Carolla]

He's really. He's really good. And again, you know, I made my movie telling everyone I'm only making this so I can make the next one. Although I never got a chance to make that next movie. But, Cyrus, while it's going to be a hit on its own, I think it's going to serve as a nice launching pad for you and your brother Mark. Continue to go onward and upward. And no more walks out to the Chevette with the blue balls anymore. Jay Duplass, our guest name of the movie, Cyrus. In theaters, or if not in a theater by you, soon coming to a theater near you, God willing, also. Yeah, you can pot that up. Want to thank our friends over at man grate. That's right, 100% American made. Cast iron. Same great iron used in a engine block of a car, by the way. Just toss it on your grill, throw your meat on that, it'll taste like it came from a steakhouse, even if you get it right from a horse. That's right. Each man, great, super solid, weighs at least eight pounds. And you go to AdamCo.com and they're sponsors. So again, let's focus on our sponsors. They're good people. They're good guys. And you're an American man. Great. And by the way, we're gonna be at the Roosevelt Hotel doing a little nighttime party. We'll do the show live. You guys come out Saturday, July 31st. More details, just go to AdamCarolla.com it says free ice cream here, by the way, but that sounds.

[Tony O'Neill]

Is that for us, too?

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds a little. We stayed at a motel when I was young where the sign said free jelly beans on it. And even as a seven year old, I knew that meant it was a shit motel. Jesus Christ. Free jelly beans up on the fucking marquee. All right, where was I? If Earth, Wind and Fire had been up there, that'd been another thing. But fucking free jelly beans. Anyway, so until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Bald Brian, our new best friend, Jay and Teresa Strasser saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Carollish Show 361. Coming up next, we have Adam Kishow 372, Tony O', Neal, Teresa Strasser, Brian Bishop, also from 2010. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Bald Brian. It's good, yeah. Good day, Teresa Strasser.

[Bald Brian]

Good day, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Lots to do today. Excited to bring back Nerd Walking from Comic Con. First, a tip of the cap to some of the folks that make this show possible. Number one stitcher.

[Bald Brian]

Dramatic.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Isaac, I thought, why do these reads cold? You know what I mean? Why not have Isaac jump in on some of these, you know what I mean?

[Bald Brian]

What's he doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know. I feel like.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, Isaac, you know what? My grandma just died. I was just at the funeral and I wonder if you've met her.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you haven't.

[Bald Brian]

Met Esther.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Esther's in hell.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my gosh. You think so?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

She did burn a lot of dinners, I'll tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he could get Stitcher up there in heaven. You can hear exclusive content, by the way. Yeah, I do a little thing after the show. I do. Exclusive content will not be heard on this show, nor will it be heard anywhere else, except for on Stitcher. So it's a little extra content. It's available, by the way, for all the major apps you can put it on. Well, it is a major app, but you can put on your iPhone, your BlackBerry, Android, and Palm. And you just go to stitcher.com and. And Isaac, it's free.

[Larry Miller]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's absolutely free.

[Larry Miller]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I guess you heard me the first time.

[Bald Brian]

Isaac's pretty excited about it. It's free.

[Larry Miller]

It's a good thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't have to download, you don't have to sync up or anything. It's just waiting for you, fresh on your device.

[Bald Brian]

Isaac wakes up on his puffy cloud in heaven, and then what does he do? He gets the Adam Carolla podcast sometimes.

[Larry Miller]

What?

[Bald Brian]

Wait, Every day?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay.

[Bald Brian]

And extra content.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's good times. The other thing, Isaac, you'd probably like is go to my PC. I feel like you're away from the office for a while. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

A real long time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you're up there on Cloud nine, and you want to access your home computer or your work computer. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you do? You go to my. Go to my PC dot com.

[Larry Miller]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good. And I know. I know you're Mac man, right, Isaac? Yeah, I see.

[Bald Brian]

Well, he can still use Go to my PC.

[Adam Carolla]

Still use Go to my PC, so. Yeah, it's true. Even so, even if you're away from your desk for eternity, you can use it. And speaking of long periods of time, my listeners get to try it out for free. That's right. Free. Free. 45 days of free [e-mail].

[Larry Miller]

That'S good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. You got to use the promo, Adam. Go to my PC.com, use the promo, Adam, and give it a try. It'll hook it up to two computers and again, work from work from the heavens.

[Bald Brian]

This is really nice to know that you could actually be in the great beyond and still able to access your PC or Mac.

[Larry Miller]

A good thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Also, thank God, speaking of the heavens, for these guys, man. Great. And thank you guys for making this such a rousing success. The guys are over the moon about the success our listeners have given their company. It's a big old block of iron. It goes right on your grill. It does wonders for chops and burgers and chicken. Even confused throw stuff on there frozen. It's that good. The guy who runs it is absolutely a grilling fanatic. And it's 100% American made. Believe me, Everything you own was made in China by a nine year old. This is made in American. Made in America, I should say by 9 year old Chinese people. But still here in America, here in the US of A, 100% American made cast iron. Each man grate weighs eight pounds like a cinder block. You get two of them and you go to AdamCarolla.com and you order yourself up some www.adamcarollashow.com right, Isaac?

[Bald Brian]

Well, now let's not end on a non committal tone. I mean, it's the man grill.

[Adam Carolla]

You can grill in heaven, can't you? Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. All right, T Bone, we got so much to get to today. And I usually just do so much yammering about my kids and my dog. Why don't we get to some of that news of yours?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah, let's.

[Adam Carolla]

From the International news Center next to Donny's minibikes, this is the news with Theresa Strasser.

[Bald Brian]

Although there's still no official word about Chelsea Clinton's wedding this weekend, alleged details are straight starting to emerge. The most recent regarding what the bride will be wearing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know what I got her?

[Bald Brian]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

She registered over at Tiffany's, but I didn't get her. I didn't do that crap. I got her a hot comb.

[Bald Brian]

You mean to flat iron her hair?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Do you think that might be mildly insulting?

[Adam Carolla]

She's got that frizzy hair.

[Bald Brian]

She's toned down the frizz.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you know, the thing about the hot comb is you don't want to just have one because then what happens when. All right, let me paint you this scenario, T. Because your hair will go frizzy, right?

[Bald Brian]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's say she's on her honeymoon.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And she goes to Tahiti or Bermuda and some sort of tropical paradise. But then all of a sudden a tropical storm blows in. There's a lot of humidity in the air and a lot of electricity in the air and pow, frizz. She looks like Earth. A kitt.

[Bald Brian]

I think on the one hand that would be very thoughtful.

[Adam Carolla]

I bet she wishes she had my hot comb. You know what I mean? Hers is still stateside Look, I've got.

[Bald Brian]

The Brazilian straightening so they chemically straighten your hair so I don't have to hot comb it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, guess who's not getting a hot comb for their birthday this year then.

[Bald Brian]

Actually, I still have to.

[Adam Carolla]

You just talk yourself out of a hot comb to that.

[Bald Brian]

Sometimes I still have to touch it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Forget it. Wait a minute. I was going to say.

[Tony O'Neill]

What's it?

[Rich Banks]

Comb.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I think she'll look beautiful. Straight hair or curly hair?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

She's been seen in a Vera Wang dress.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a law that you have to wear. Is there a law that if you make more or your parents make more than 500k a year or you've been on television more than once or in People magazine more than once that you have to wear a Vera Wang dress?

[Bald Brian]

Well, you have one other option, which is Monique Lulier.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's sort of the new Vera Wang.

[Bald Brian]

But it's one of those two. Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Why is it I. I know, I know I should shut up. But what's the big fucking deal?

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. I don't get the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you think that someone could get a bridal gown catalog from the 40s and the 50s and find a dress that you would love just as much as the Vera Wang dress?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I mean, the one trend in wedding dresses is they've gotten a lot more risque. They show a lot more skin than they used to. Right now it's like for some reason, every bride. I feel like there's a corset y thing and her boobs are way out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And that's the thinnest she'll ever be on that day.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

Looks extra thin and booby and almost always the arms are uncovered. I don't think it used to be like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'll tell you. To me, you know, it's the one time, you know, it's not a girl's night out in Vegas. Your dad's there, grandpa's there, your in laws are there. A couple guys used to date her there. You know what I mean? I don't know. I feel like reel it in a little. What do you want? What do you mean? Beat off when you're walking down the aisle?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, what do you want? Everyone there like, hey, Nana. Hey, papa boy. Man, that's a hot piece of ass you got there. Like, I don't know. Do you really have to sex it up all the. Like, is it important for everyone in the band to want to fuck you? Like, at that one moment, there's, like, a rabbi and a priest, and you have some. You have that thing where it's like your dad was claimed by cancer, but your stepdad raised you like he was your own, and he's gonna raise you. Does he have to have a boner? Well, he's like, wow, I should have fucked her when she was still living under our roof.

[Bald Brian]

That's the thing he'd say if the. When the priest asked, does anyone have anything else they'd like to say?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You know the shit. Maybe this is just the Zinfandel talking, but I should have fucked her when she was living at the house. She was really eight feet a hallway away from, really, paradise.

[Bald Brian]

It's a really odd trend, and I think brides are made to feel that this is their day and they must look as beautiful as possible. And thus they have to dye it down and wear a corset and shove their boobs out.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it.

[Bald Brian]

Why do I sound so conservative? I know I did. Maybe because I have no boobs.

[Adam Carolla]

We're not hanging around a Vegas swimming pool.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Bald Brian]

Like, it's a family affair.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a fucking family affair. Reel it in.

[Bald Brian]

And also, I know you don't believe in God, but you could be watching. I took it pretty seriously. Like, this is no backsies. And, you know, what is the.

[Adam Carolla]

What is that? Vegas Sunday party. The hangover party or whatever? It's called sweaty ball soup Rehab because.

[Bald Brian]

It'S in that pool. That's what I think of it as.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweaty ball soup. It's turned into rehab.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, that's it. Your wedding should not be.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, look, you want to look. Well, first off, you'd like to look wholesome. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to sound like old man Corolla here, but, you know.

[Bald Brian]

I know we sound so old, but I really.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, you want to look. Here's what you want to look. You want to look attractive, right? You want to look beautiful. You want a little bit of fetching, and you want a little bit of wholesome. But what you don't want is just like, you know, you don't want the fucking rabbi sporting wood. Right?

[Bald Brian]

The cleavage has gotten out of hand, and now a lot of them are backless. There's less. There's just less and less dress.

[Tony O'Neill]

Adam, think back to my wedding ceremony when you were there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. Listen, ass wife. I fucking flew out to Napa to go to that Shit.

[Bald Brian]

And yet still missed it. And yet still missed it put on it. But yes, it does seem de rigueur to wear the bear one, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Beth, when I was at Howard Stern's wedding, was wearing this sort of cross, you know, kind of the.

[Bald Brian]

Bandage looking top thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Her dress looked like the one. Oh, shit, what is that? What was the Bruce Willis movie with Nia Vandross? Nah, I'm not thinking of her fucking name. Mila. Mila Zovich. Mila Miller.

[Tony O'Neill]

Yes. The fifth Element.

[Adam Carolla]

The what?

[Tony O'Neill]

Fifth Element.

[Adam Carolla]

The fifth element, yeah. What's her name? Milla Jovovich. Milla Jovovich. Yeah. Can you picture that?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, we'll pick up, we'll pull up.

[Adam Carolla]

A picture, but yeah, kind of gauze thing. I mean, look, she's six foot, she's blonde, she's skinny, she's hot. So she wants everyone to know she's 6 foot and she's blonde, she's skinny and she's hot.

[Tony O'Neill]

I think this trend started with the celebrities who knew they were going to be photographed. Paparazzi in magazines and then trickled down from the Usman weeklies of the world to the average consumer, probably.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think it's also. Yeah, that, that's part of it. The other part is, you know, brides used to be a little heavier and a little frumpier and a little. And now it's just like, hey man, if you got it, it's sort of like, you know, the guy who has a really great build whose shirt's coming off at the ball game as soon as the thermometer hits 60 degrees, you know what I mean? It's just like, hey man, I got six pack abs. I'm the situation. My shirt's coming off. I don't give a fuck. I'm at a funeral, my shirt's coming off. And you know, you look hot. Here's what happened. We started taking way too many pictures. And hot chicks went, as long as there can be. All these flashbulbs are popping, right? My nipple's going to be a popping.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, well, I worry now.

[Adam Carolla]

Find a picture of the fifth element and see what Beth looked like. Let's see what. I got drunk at Stern's wedding so I could exactly remember.

[Bald Brian]

I'd like to see a picture. I remember seeing photos and she looked beautiful, but I can't quite conjure the dress. Yeah, I wore a Vera Wang, but it was a hand me down. It had been worn previously and it had sleeves, like kind of mesh sleeves. And it had a High neck. It was. I felt covered up. It was nice. Me and my dad walked me down the aisle again. I don't want to, you know, be wearing one of my, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, by the way, I wouldn't know because the bass player from Winger was talking my fucking ear off the entire time.

[Bald Brian]

I know. Let me say this, as I'm saying this, I've just come from a funeral in a mini.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you.

[Larry Miller]

Meetings for 30 days.

[Bald Brian]

I didn't have that many black. It's black. I didn't have that many black dresses that fit. So the Clinton's wedding, according to insiders, could cost over $3 million.

[Adam Carolla]

Seems. And I know I'm. There's Mila, by the way.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Yeah. Let me say this. I'm split. Like, my feeling is on one hand, it's kind of like that Al Gore thing. Like, oh, you know, oh, he's telling you about your carbon footprint. He lives in a 12 bedroom mansion and he's burning up more fossil fuel than five regular sized houses. And I'm sort of split. Like, I'm like, so what? Doesn't mean you shouldn't shut your lights off. Like, all right, Al Gore's not exactly practicing what he's preaching. But on the other hand, it still doesn't mean I shouldn't shut my lights off or not drive a Humvee. You know, fine, let's not throw the baby out in the bathwater here. And as far as the Clintons, like, times are real bad economically. And I, I just feel they stand for and stood for the sort of working man and the everyman and. You know what I mean, this is one of those. I expect a little more out of the Bush family. I just feel like it should be reeled in a little bit.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Just because he is who he is.

[Bald Brian]

I agree. And speaking of Bush, if you'll recall, the Bush daughters wedding seemed pretty low key. It didn't seem that extravagant.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously there's didn't hear that much about it or as much about it.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I remember seeing the photos and it looked like a nice wedding, you know, like, like Bald Bryant's something nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't remember that one.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I'll describe it to you later. But you know, nice but not extravagant. And I think you're right. It's a little maybe possibly tone deaf to the times. They're renting porta Potties for the occasion at a cost of 15, 18 grand per.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a Wang. You were at a Vera Wang that had sleeves and the neck.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it had like mesh sleeves, white sleeves, and a high neck. But it was a hand me down.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like an uncut wang.

[Bald Brian]

It wasn't an uncircumcised wang.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like a European porn version of a wang.

[Bald Brian]

Or Canadian Wang.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like Canadian.

[Bald Brian]

Either way. Or hit. Or a hippie wing.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, nowadays, they don't get them, so. Yeah, Porta Potties, right?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. So it's gonna be.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what are you gonna do? I don't know.

[Bald Brian]

The rich, that's another thing. If you have the money, you can spend it on whatever you want. But part of me still gets disgusted that the wedding industry has sort of taken over the ritual of marriage. So that now it's really about your $10,000 cake and your $20,000 photographer, as opposed to the promise that you're making.

[Adam Carolla]

You're keeping up with the wangs as is.

[Bald Brian]

You're always keeping up with the wangzes and the luliers and you gotta buy your big, fat blood diamonds.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Moving on to other news in Montana.

[Adam Carolla]

Who is she marrying?

[Bald Brian]

A dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She is.

[Bald Brian]

A guy she met in school.

[Tony O'Neill]

I would've lost that bet.

[Adam Carolla]

I think she fixed. She fixed her hair, right? She don't have crazy hair anymore.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, she fixed her hair.

[Adam Carolla]

How old he choose the guy with the crazy hair. Does anyone like that crazy hair? And then how come no one ever gets ahold of them and goes, hey, nobody likes your crazy hair. I want to have this discussion with Diane Cannon.

[Bald Brian]

I agree wholeheartedly.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh. Oh, yeah, that was Tracy Metro. She had the crazy hair.

[Bald Brian]

She did have the crazy ringlet hair.

[Adam Carolla]

What's up with that? Hey, dudes, we don't like it on your ass. Hey, brothers, there's a reason why the Jheri curl is gone. And white ladies, we don't like it on your ass either.

[Bald Brian]

Sometimes your genetics deal you a pair of threes. And that's what my hair got every.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she just snort? Every chick I know has the hair that will. She can't just get out of the shower and go to work. The hair will freak out on their ass. They gotta straighten it out or flatten it out or whatever. Out. So my hot comb present came that you shat upon earlier. I'm just saying her Chelsea, I don't know, somewhere around circa 1994 or something, or 92, had just got the wild, crazy mop. And it wasn't like I was hanging around looking at 92 going, oh, man, do I got a boner. I was like, wow, this hair looks like shit. Now. What are you doing? How come there's. How come someone doesn't like. I mean, it's like finding the guys who have the, you know, buzz cut on the side and the ponytail or whatever the fuck horrible look you're rocking. How come someone doesn't not tap on your shoulder and go, what the fuck? I mean, we all need. My buddy Ray. I bought a fucking pair of cowboy boots. One time. I worked with a guy named Kelly. He had black cowboy boots, and they had nothing on them. They weren't eel skin or they weren't alligator. They were nothing. They were just black, plain cowboy boots. And they looked good on him. And I said, where'd you get them? And he told me, like, 79 bucks. I bought a pair. I. Ray wouldn't even let me leave the house with cowboy boots on. Can you imagine if I had ringlets on my head?

[Bald Brian]

See, what I think happened is that that kind of curl, that was an insurmountable hair issue until the Rachel from friends and hairdressers figured out that if you applied a lot of heat and you pulled really hard, a hot comb, you could straighten it. And that was a revolution. So I don't think. And she knew how to straighten it. I remember the first time somebody blew my hair straight, and I literally felt like I was reborn. Like, this is the first day of the rest of my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Ironically, she blew that gay guy straight just for a gift.

[Bald Brian]

I'm not kidding you. I did send him a thank you note. Like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he gay?

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You could have blown him straight.

[Bald Brian]

Richard. Richard Rubia, Great hairdresser.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I had a weird experience, which is you had a moment. You had freaked out hair. Your whole freaky hair, your whole life. And this. This gay. This. This. This gay hero. He blew you straight?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Angel. I had a straight woman blow me frizzy. And changed my life. Really. Our heads went totally different direction.

[Bald Brian]

Two heads diverged in the wood.

[Adam Carolla]

I had. This is amazing. I had straight hair when I was a kid. Kid. You did. When I was very little. And. And. And then it's. And. And for a while, my head. If you want to know what happened to my head, all you have to do is watch the Brady Bunch. You see the season one and season two of the Brady Bunch, and they all. All the boys had, like, straightish, normalish hair, right? Then you watch, like, season three and season four, and you're saying, like, what happened? Their hair looks weird now. It looks like a helmet.

[Larry Miller]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was their formerly Straight hair that they were trying to mash down and straighten out. And then by season five and six, they all just had froze. Yeah, that's where their hair was going. They didn't know it. So I had the straight hair when I was a kid. And then all through junior high, when it was trying to get crazy, I would go to the barber and be like, it's getting all puffy and curly. Like, you need to cut the curls off. And I was, like, trying to mat it down and press it down. I look like a idiot. And a certain point, I went to the super cuts in North Hollywood. The chick gave me a haircut. Then she, like, wet it and shagged it up with her hands. And then when I walked home and I got home, I looked like. I looked like Peter Brady. And then everyone was like, what? What'd you do? Did you get a perm? And I was like, no, this is the way my hair always was.

[Bald Brian]

I stopped fighting the texture.

[Adam Carolla]

I stopped fighting my hair.

[Bald Brian]

You embraced it.

[Adam Carolla]

You started fighting your hair and your life changed.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, well, I think Chelsea Clinton also had to fight her hair, right? I think she. Some women try to go with it, like, and their ringlets are better, you know, Some women do look nice with curly hair. Julia Roberts, for example, is pulling it off.

[Adam Carolla]

She. She could do it. Nicole Kidman, you know, that's about it. I'd let her blow me, you know, the ringlets out of the way.

[Bald Brian]

Right. Because receiving is something that you've always been good at doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody's better. Nobody's better at receiving oral than I am. And by the way, if you think you are, bring it.

[Bald Brian]

Now. How does that compensate?

[Adam Carolla]

Just bring it. Tired of the talk.

[Tony O'Neill]

We'll have a receive off right here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Would you like to participate too? Seem enthusiastic?

[Tony O'Neill]

Wouldn't be opposed.

[Bald Brian]

Now this story out of Montana Bear attack. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Leaves one bear attack.

[Bald Brian]

Bear.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

A bear attack leaves one dead, two injured. A bear attacked three people at a Montana campground near Yellowstone national park, killing one, injuring two others. An unidentified male was found dead in his tent after the attack was reported at around 4am A female victim suffered severe bites on her arms and another male was bitten on his calf and taken to a hospital in Wyoming. Wildlife officials cleared the campsite and have begun an investigation.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta keep that pepper spray going. That's what they say. But on the other hand, if you're hiking, you need that big thing of pepper spray. But what the fuck are you gonna do when you're in your tent, you're sleeping in your Mummy bag. You're sitting there with your pepper spray. First off, I know I'd fucking roll over on it, beating off and end up pepper spraying my own self in my mummy bag. So that big number one. But I don't know what you're supposed to do with the pepper spray when you're in. You know, you can't put your tent in a tree, and then you can't really handle the pepper spray. The bear just attacks the fucking tent. Although I did just hear a guy talk about this. Here's what you're supposed to do. They always do that. You can't outrun a bear. You cannot outrun a bear. Evidently, the bear can cover 100 yards in six seconds, which is literally twice as fast as a guy who's moving pretty good. So you ain't gonna outrun him. And you're not supposed to fight him. You can kind of piss him off. You're supposed to do something that's wildly unsatisfying, which is. No. Once they really get on you, it's just basically, cover your face. Face. When I hear that, I always hear and balls. But I just hear they say face.

[Bald Brian]

What they mean?

[Adam Carolla]

They mean whenever someone says, cover your face, they should always go, and balls. But they say, cover your face. Do the face. Do the ball math. Do the sack math on that. You just cover your face, let them beat the shit out of you, and hopefully they just sort of go away.

[Bald Brian]

Right. Now, should the expression cover your ass be cover your balls, Just recover your balls. That's what you hear.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I hear. Right.

[Tony O'Neill]

I would have taken sack math in high school if I had the option.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sack math. Yeah. You know, eye contact, no sudden movements. Whatever you do, it's no good.

[Bald Brian]

I was taught that you're supposed to make a lot of loud noises and wave your arms.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And which I have come in contact with a bear.

[Adam Carolla]

You have?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I was working in Yosemite.

[Adam Carolla]

Fat gay guy in Frisco.

[Bald Brian]

An actual bear.

[Adam Carolla]

A real bear?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Not at Daddy's bar over in Castro. Yeah. And I did that. I waved my arms and everything. But he was the kind of bears that live around campgrounds in Yosemite. They don't really just want what's in the trash can.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sort of coyote bears.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. He was not that interested in them.

[Adam Carolla]

Pepper spray is pretty fucking solid, though, if you think about it. Because, you know, gun's no good. You don't want to be walking around with a gun. That pepper spray, that thing shoots a stream like 25, 30ft. And if you're a bear and you just get hit in the face with that shit, you don't know what the hell you're attacking. You just think you're attacking some sea snake or something that's just firing some weird piss in your eye or something. Like, whatever it is good enough for the bear, right? Like, the bear doesn't get the pepper spray and go, now I'm really gonna fuck up this dude. The bear's just like, fuck this.

[Bald Brian]

Now, bears notwithstanding, do you see yourself going camping ever again in your life?

[Adam Carolla]

I. Now that I have kids and I need a good place to molecule. I mean, I. For them to experience the out nature in its fullest nature in its falls. Yeah. Now that I have kids, I could see myself going camping.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Making some s'.

[Adam Carolla]

Mores. But I could see this in a little. Now I'm thinking a little more escape to Witch Mountain, kind of, you know, get the Winnebago.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Not. Not the tent.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the tent.

[Bald Brian]

And the sleeping bag and the elements.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't mind all that shit. I used to. Me and Donnie used to go camping all the time. I didn't even have a fucking tent. I didn't have a sleeping bag.

[Bald Brian]

Where'd you guys go?

[Adam Carolla]

We'd go up to the top here, like Mount Pinos or something like that. Donnie would come pick me up one time. I wish I knew how to quit you. One. Yeah, one time. I mean, I've had some of the most miserable experiences of my life camping with Donnie. Go get Donnie, because Donnie, couple. Couple things.

[Tony O'Neill]

You went fishing, but there's no fish.

[Adam Carolla]

One time.

[Bald Brian]

Nothing in the tackle box but weed.

[Adam Carolla]

One time. Oh, my God. Donnie and I, first off, we went camping. I'll tell you the worst idea you could ever. I had a flu, a bad flu, like, kicking in like it was just at the beginning of what would be a horrible flu. Right?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And Donnie just came and picked me up in his Ford Bronco. And I mean old school Bronco, like, you know, no doors, kind of. I still got that. Old school. No shit. And we went like off. Off roading. When you're really sick. I mean, that nauseated. Running a fever. All you want to do is lie down. Donnie. Like hitting the whoop de doos and climbing the hills and everything. Bouncing around and we used to go. We used to go camping all the time. One time we went camping. Now, Donnie, you just. Because Donnie cannot lie or even exaggerate for entertainment purposes. Did I own a sleeping bag? No, you did not. Did I own a tent. No, you did not. I was the only guy I knew who would go willingly go camping, and not in the summer months with a blanket. And the blanket was the blanket from my bed. But he did have this safari vest that had synthetic fake fur that he would wear and a leather vest. The kind of thing cousin Balky would wear back to his home country. And it was like fake jeans that the poor kids would wear. Yeah, Shiny jeans. Too small. The vest was too small and had weird synthetic fur in it. It just was kind of a gag.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I would wear the vest and a long sleeve shirt. And I had an orange, like rayon blanket and a pillow. And one. At some point on one of our camping trips, I woke up at, you know, 2:00am and I was fucking cold. Like, I was hurting badly. I was. I wore every stitch of clothing I brought, you know, doubled up on the socks, put socks on my hands. I just had this blanket and I was in pain. And I woke up and I was like, hey, man, Donnie, you gotta let me into that mummy bag with you. And Donnie's like, no way. This beauty of dudes. And then I woke up my buddy Carl. I was like, carl, I need into that bag. I'm fucking. I'm gonna die out here. And he's like, no way, dude. And then I went back to the fireplace of his fire pit and I pulled out the hot rocks. I was told if you made a bed of hot rocks and then put your blanket on top of the bed of hot. None of that shit ever worked, by the way. We woke up in the morning and he was like hugging one gigantic big bowl. He was like spooning it. I don't know. But my family was so fucking cheap. I didn't own a sleeping bag now.

[Bald Brian]

How old are you during these trips?

[Adam Carolla]

21, 19, 20, 21, 22. When we used to live in the apartment, we'd go. We'd go hike just to get away from it all. Yep. Well, there was so much chaos with the parties. Adam would. Adam would always say, let's just get the hell out of here. What are do we gonna miss? Yeah, we went to. There was a big party at my friend, um, Gad Abu Zam Zam's house. And we knew everyone was going to be there and we knew all the guys that were going to be there. And me and I said to Donnie, donnie, we got to get out of town. Like, what locals would do when Comic Con came into town or Mardi Gras or something. Like, they want to deal with all the vomit and the beads and the tits and stuff, they're like this. We're getting out of town.

[Bald Brian]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So I ate more Woodstock. So I said, donnie, let's go to the top of Mount Pino, see if we can avoid all this shit. And then we went up there and by then we had it down. Donnie would bring his generator, bring a TV set, bunch of Lucky Lager, beer. And you know the funny part, Theresa? We would go home. Adam, this blanket was. He's not joking. This was his regular blanket. He'd bring it home, but it was filled with like sticks and like the foxtails and stuff. He wouldn't wash it, he'd just bring it home, throw it right back on his. It smelled like a piece of hickory bacon because it had been smoked, literally smoked by our campfire. And then I'm just throwing on my bed. And that was. I only had one blanket. We didn't have. We weren't rich. I don't know if you guys knew this or not, but one time we went to. We went up to the top of Mount Pinos and when we got back, we avoided this party that Ray and Snake and all our other jack off buddies were at. And I said, what happened when he got back? Well, Ray and Snake got into a fight. Ray dislocated Snake's shoulder. Snake bit Ray in the Achilles or in the calf if he didn't need stitches. He should have at least had a tetanus shot. And then the whole house was basically. That was also the party where Todd felt forced Ray's girlfriend to make out with him. Or he would tell Chris that Ray was making out with Chris's girlfriend. It was the hottest thing ever. I mean, it was literally, this was it. And as sort of. You have to admire the genius of it. Our buddy Chris had a long term girlfriend and those two were hot and heavy for a number of years. And Ray started seeing her behind Chris's back. Now she was two timing Chris with Ray. And Ray and Chris are both behemoths who would get drunk and had no regard for their body. Ray got. Ray went to a liquor store once and got hit with a baseball bat by the guy behind the counter. You know, there's a little language barrier or something, but he hit Ray with a baseball bat. And Ray walked outside the liquor store and he punched out the plate glass window. And I mean half inch thick tempered glass, like big liquor store storefront glass. These guys would fucking break down doors and punch out windows. They would always hurt themselves, but they didn't give a fuck. Donny has a chunk of the glass, by the way. Yeah, this is a piece of. I don't know where. God bless Donnie. This is a piece of the tinted quarter inch thick tempered window that Ray punched out in front of a liquor store.

[Tony O'Neill]

Something you would see on like a bank teller window.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, it seems, seems proof looking, seems almost bulletproof. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

So these two, now these two are maniacs. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And if these two found out, drunk at the same party, that one of them was fucking around, they're both fucking around with the same chick, there would have been a party in the house, would have come down.

[Bald Brian]

Right. This is why you were at Mount Pinos.

[Adam Carolla]

This. Why was it Mount Penos? Our buddy Snake walked in on Ray making out with Chris's girl. And he. This guy's a genius. This guy's Snake. He was drunk too. He walked in while they were making out and he was like, oh, my God, you're making out with Chris girl. And Ray was like, don't tell. You can't tell Chris because Chris will fucking tear this place apart. And I'll tell you how scary Chris is. Ray was scared of Chris. A 20 year old Ray was scared of Chris. That's how scary Chris is. So it's like you cannot, you can't say anything. You can't say anything. And Snake, who, by the way, one of our only Jewish friends, said, all right, I need some tongue action from you, Kerry.

[Bald Brian]

Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's like, I need to make out with you then. And Ray was like, do it.

[Bald Brian]

And she went along with this.

[Adam Carolla]

What was she gonna do? She didn't have to make out with Snake.

[Bald Brian]

He was jewing her down his throat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. He, he's a smart guy.

[Bald Brian]

Couldn't he have chewed her up to a blowjob or. That would have been too much, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't. He was shooting at the moon at that point. He just wanted to make out. He wasn't a bad guy, he just wanted his pound of flesh. Like, why should I sit on top of this and not get any tongue action?

[Bald Brian]

Now where is this gal now?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I don't know. But she was, you know, rich and pretty and, you know, she was, she would know, floozy or anything, you know, she. Did she end up clearly?

[Bald Brian]

Did she end it clearly? Did she end up back with Chris?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not clearly. I mean, like, what would you do? Like, what are you supposed to do? She had to make out.

[Bald Brian]

You're with one guy and then you're cheating on him. With his really good friend and then you have to make out with a third guy. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you had to make out. You had to make out with the third guy. Right.

[Tony O'Neill]

But no fluidity. Classy girl.

[Bald Brian]

Classy.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, listen, T, I don't know when you moved out of that class house of your.

[Bald Brian]

Well, you know who else out the window else is avoiding parties is Rachel Yucatel. Tiger Woods. Mistress. Radar online reports that filming on Celebrity Rehab 4 got so intense earlier this week that Rachel bolted the Pasadena Recovery Center PRC and checked into the ritzy l' Hermitage hotel in Beverly Hills.

[Adam Carolla]

What? A couple things and whatever. Yeah, Drew was telling me this has been going on for a while. Not. We just found out that she got on the show, I don't know, last week or something. But this has been going on for a while. I guess they kept it rather secret.

[Bald Brian]

And then there was the report that she said no until they had a one on one sit down. And he convinced her to do the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Either way, where do these. I don't know. Where's everyone get their money?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, that's a good question. In her case, I think she came from money. I think her grandfather was a club owner. And then she was engaged to a guy who died in the 911 attacks. Yeah, Tiger paid her off and then Tiger paid her off and she made.

[Adam Carolla]

Out my buddy Snake. Keep quiet, hush tongue.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I guess they were digging too deep in treatment and she flew fled. The topics that came up were around self esteem and self worth.

[Adam Carolla]

Why are you a whore? Why can't you stop being a whore? When are you going to begin to entertain the notion of not being a whore anymore? Why don't you go back to your home on island?

[Bald Brian]

So she went. She went to hotel in Beverly Hills and checked herself in. According to a source, Rachel. Rachel simply needed some time away from the intense pressure and scrutiny she was dealing with. Producers made her realize that if she continues to run away from her issues, she will never be able to live a healthy life.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, these people just want to go through life sort of. They're Tinkerbell and the guys are Peter Pan and they just want to fuck and have fun and put on spray on tan and get drunk and go clubbing and do whatever. They don't really like it when people scratch their lotto tickets, you know, and start asking questions about their past and what turned them into who they are today.

[Bald Brian]

My favorite thing in Dr. Drew's treatment of whoers, I mean that is when he makes them take their makeup off.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he does.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, he did that. They weren't. Who are. They were very. They were nice girls.

[Tony O'Neill]

The porn star?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, the porn star. And I think the other gal. Who? I don't know yet. I don't know what Kendra does.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Bald Brian]

Except she's married to the guy from who won Rockstar.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always weird too. And the chick's crying and she's talking about being sexually abused. And you're like, man, I am this close to not beating off to one of your movies tonight. But not this close.

[Bald Brian]

But not close enough.

[Adam Carolla]

This close.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. He made them take off their makeup and they were really angry. And then they made the female therapist take off her makeup before they would do it.

[Adam Carolla]

How about Drew? He's wearing makeup.

[Bald Brian]

Does he wear a little pancake?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a TV show. You got to put some makeup on.

[Bald Brian]

He's so handsome. Doesn't need any dreamy silver fox. Remember we talked about the woman with gigantism?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

6 foot 11, 372 pounds.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Her name is Tanya Angus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And she was just a regular girl in her early 20s when all of a sudden she was 5 8. And all of a sudden she just started growing and growing. By 22, she had grown 3 inches from 5 8. And at this point, she is having a lot of health problems. And we spoke about her earlier and now she's been offered some help. Nevada paramedics who were touched by her story say that they can transport Tanya Angus to life saving surgery here in California next month.

[Adam Carolla]

So she's got to get from Nevada to LA.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, to the St. John's Health center at John Wayne Cancer Institute in Santa Monica. So they're going to get her here. She's the only known documented case in the world in which surgery and medications just cannot control her growth. She has a tumor on her pituitary gland.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. Are they going to do it horse trailer and then flag her?

[Bald Brian]

I don't think that's the plan. They have a special vehicle with room to make the ride comfortable. It's a specialty care transport vehicle. So it's just like a giant ambulance.

[Adam Carolla]

Your mileage may vary though, I gotta tell you. Either way, we're stopping at the Mad Greek or the Great Greek or whatever it is.

[Bald Brian]

He's mad Greek.

[Tony O'Neill]

He's gonna be mad.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, he's gonna be mad.

[Adam Carolla]

What is how much giant woman, she eat many falafel? No, just one side of hummus. What? She is 500 pound? Yes. Must order falafel. You know what? We're just Gonna take some of the. That pickled radish there. And is the. Is Peter bred free have giant woman. And you did not order hummus plate. What is.

[Bald Brian]

Now, was that how the guy sounded when he attacked Ray with the baseball bat at the liquor store? Was that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

You out of my establishment, you German ogre. I hit you with Louisville slugger. Yeah, he hit right the bat. I think one of our other friends was arguing with the guy behind the counter something. And the guy pulled out a baseball bat and he hit Ray with it. And then Ray punched out his window and broke his hand. And then I think the guy wanted to sue Ray. And then Ray went to sue the guy for hitting him with a baseball bat. And I hope you're sitting down. No one ever got any money.

[Tony O'Neill]

What compelled Donnie to keep the shard of glass?

[Adam Carolla]

Donnie was always running around like a little catfish, picking up shit that, you know, everyone would scavenger, scavenge shit. Yeah, he stole this. My. I had an eight ball stick shift knob that was on my old truck. He took that. You know, he just grabbed little mementos and shit.

[Bald Brian]

Hoarder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Let me leave you with this news about Dancing with the Stars. You know, there's a big reunion.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Bald Brian]

Have you been invited? It's in a few weeks and, well, you know, it's been a few seasons since you were on.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Bald Brian]

So it wouldn't be a big deal if you were.

[Adam Carolla]

Not when I do this show, I always do something on the show every season.

[Bald Brian]

I think they should invite you.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Bald Brian]

If you do get an invite, you will not see Kate Gosselin.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, poppyater says she is not invited to the big reunion. And according to their source, we all became close during and after the show. Except Kate, who hasn't returned anyone's calls or emails.

[Adam Carolla]

She just seems like a colossal bitch, doesn't she? She seems bitchy.

[Bald Brian]

It's a really. It's strange between her and John.

[Adam Carolla]

John Gosling, he seems. He seemed. He just seems dumb.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I was.

[Adam Carolla]

He seems really dumb. He seems thick kind of dumb. And then she seems really cunty.

[Bald Brian]

She does seem cunty. The way I look at her is we had under moms, and she is an over mom. Like, I'm gonna cut all. I mean, you will each have a tablespoon full of organic hummus that I made with three slices of apple, and I will plan out every single thing that happens.

[Adam Carolla]

What is no fittest hummus. No. What this giant woman should be ordering platter. What is she? Variety platter.

[Bald Brian]

She was an over mom. And it looked like she even mommed the Jon Goslin. So you almost pictured him in one of those little matching outfits with a diaper.

[Adam Carolla]

I just heard her interviewed on one of those shows and they said, like, what's next for Kate Gosling? And she's like, I can't tell, but I have a lot of. Oh, shut up, you talentless bitch. There's a lot on my plate. Don't give shit. You shit out kids and get made over. The fuck do you bring to the table, you bitch? What are we doing with all these people? Rachel, Yucatel and this until they fucking invent something or do something. Please, can't we just get them to shut the fuck up?

[Bald Brian]

Well, we're fascinated by her because she has multiples.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not, I'm not. I'm done with her. She just seems like an angry bitch who should go away. Multiples. Um, like to give her multiple fractions.

[Bald Brian]

I think most Americans would agree with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Sick Mel Gibson on her ass. Ooh, knock those veneers right off her.

[Bald Brian]

You think you take her to the.

[Adam Carolla]

Rose garden, Take her to the Jacuzzi and then the rose go.

[Bald Brian]

At what point does she blow him? That's important.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, after he burns her house down.

[Bald Brian]

Now would she make him start smoking again?

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, after he's blown.

[Bald Brian]

I was downtown and I noticed a store. And it was one. It was. It was in a state where I couldn't tell if it was opening or closing because it was empty. But there was still some signage. It was an Ed Hardy store. And I suddenly had to know, is this store closing up shop because no one's shopping there, or is it opening because this is gonna tell me everything I need to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Once Bonaduce left town, I think they boarded up. They boarded up all the.

[Bald Brian]

Don't you feel like everything you need to know about the direction our culture is headed is within that one question.

[Adam Carolla]

50 year old fuckwad, stop wearing that Ed Hardy shit. Yeah, we'll be going. That'll be a great sign for the economy.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Like, are you shutting down or is this a brand new flagship?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. In a way, it's like when an economist studies the European stock market or whatever they use as indicators. This is a douchebag indicator.

[Bald Brian]

Douche index.

[Adam Carolla]

When the guys. Right. When the Von Dutch store boards up, when Ed Hardy. But the guy stopped working out and do sales. So when they start going down. Yeah, I feel like sales. It's like John Lennon should have written a song about this. You know, imagine a world with no Ed Hardy and no Mountain Dew.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. With no wwe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It'd be awesome.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hardy douchebag. Guys.

[Bald Brian]

Anyway, I don't want to keep us from nerd walking.

[Adam Carolla]

More of Teresa's news coming up. If you don't listen, you're an anti Semite. I know. I drive down La Bre. I see the Ed Hardy billboard. That's like, isn't every douchebag wearing an Ed Hardy shirt and Ed Hardy billboard? Like, you really guys gotta pay for signage. It's written 250 times on Bonaduce shirt. I know who you are.

[Bald Brian]

I feel like at this point even Bonaduce wouldn't wear Ed Hardy. But maybe I'm wrong.

[Tony O'Neill]

Aren't you thankful for Ed Hardy, though? Because they've tricked douchebags into self identifying. Oh, you know what I mean? Like, they happily wave the douchebag flag.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like. It's like that dye that goes to the tumor. Yes. They inject you with that radioactive dye and it goes right to the tumor. That's what like, Ed Hardy is for. Douchebags.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. It's a douche sniffing dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Because it used to be douchebags would just be amongst us and you couldn't.

[Bald Brian]

Tell who they were.

[Tony O'Neill]

No, but they've tricked douchebags into paying for the privilege of advertising themselves as a douchebag. Like, here I am and I'm wearing my Ed Hardy.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. We got to keep this Ed Hardy going so we know the douchebags are.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, John Mayer wouldn't wear Ed Hardy.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Bald Brian]

Because he's too smart to announce himself.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a crafty douchebag.

[Bald Brian]

We are. We aren't even sure if he, in fact is one. And we'll never know.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't know. First question we're going to ask God. All right, let's put a pin in the first part of the news and then move ahead with a little something called nerd walking. Nerd walking. Nerds. We're asking nerds if they know what guys who walk dorks should know. They are all virgins. It's time for nerd walking. Cause you are nerds. You guys could do a lot worse than Spandau Ballets Gold, I'll tell you that. A lot. A lot worse.

[Bald Brian]

As interpreted by Rich Banks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. And also, we still gotta do, I guess, Shatner's version of Taxi. Which T were you here for that?

[Tony O'Neill]

No, she has no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you miss something big on this show? All right, so when we get up on the Ultranet. We'll figure that out. But. All right, let's see. So what happened? Who went walking around Comic Con?

[Bald Brian]

Logan.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Logan did. All right.

[Tony O'Neill]

Our own.

[Rich Banks]

Yes.

[Tony O'Neill]

Intern. Logan went with you to Comic Con, I believe, and walked around and talked to nerds.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know he was doing the nerd walking, but good thinking.

[Bald Brian]

You know, it's confusing because he's actually very attractive and I wasn't awesome.

[Larry Miller]

He's.

[Bald Brian]

He's a nerd in hiding. But the other.

[Tony O'Neill]

Oh, not hiding.

[Bald Brian]

Well, here's the thing. The other day, I was putting together the news, and I needed to know how important that to story was, so I just said, hey, you're a dude. Is this to thing big? And he just looked at me like, I. I don't. I don't follow sports.

[Tony O'Neill]

Logan's a super nerd. He's cool. He's a cool nerd.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. That's the thing. He's almost like a Silver Lakey cool nerd, so that's why he's in hiding.

[Tony O'Neill]

But he hates hipsters, so I like him.

[Adam Carolla]

So he got the little DAT recorder, walked around and. I guess we'll gamble on the questions. Should we start? If you're watching a sporting event at the Brickyard, what are you watching?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, hell no.

[Adam Carolla]

You say hell, no. Yeah, these are nerds that, you know. You gotta think about this, though. They're on top of their. You know, they have TVs and cable and satellite and computer. Computers and, you know, they're, you know, David Letterman. Like, okay, these nerds. David. David Letterman's into indie. He sponsors a team and all that kind of stuff with Rahal.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Javier hall and all that kind of stuff nerds do. Like Letterman. No. You're going. No, Brian.

[Tony O'Neill]

I think he's gonna think it's a nickname for, like, Fenway park or something.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you say no. T. No.

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go no as well. If you're watching a sporting event at the Brickyard, what are you watching?

[Dr. Drew]

Football.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good. Indy 500. Also, I think there's. Technically, there could be a couple other races that you could name as well, because I think they do more than the Indy. They do some NASCAR stuff there. But anyway, beside the point. We're all one for one. Let's keep moving. Who are you dressed up as? Nightwing.

[Bald Brian]

Who?

[Adam Carolla]

Nightwing, a character from dc. All right, what is the term southpaw refer to?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, he's got southpaw. Southpaw. He's got. He's Gotta know.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always fun when people aren't really that into your outfit or your theme or whatever. They go, hey, what are you dressed up as? Nightwing. All right. Okay. All right. There you go.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, good for you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, the term southpaw. Now this is a.

[Tony O'Neill]

Is this a picture of the guy?

[Adam Carolla]

I hope so, because if so, there's.

[Tony O'Neill]

No way he knows that.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't know southpaw. No way. Well, let me hear it again because I don't think Logan did a great job of pronouncing southpaw. Let me hear. What does the term southpaw refer to? He did a little par in there, T. What do you think?

[Bald Brian]

He knows.

[Adam Carolla]

Knows, Brian.

[Tony O'Neill]

I say no, no, he does not know.

[Adam Carolla]

I say doesn't know. What is the term southpaw refer to in a box?

[Rich Banks]

It's a boxing situation where you have.

[Bald Brian]

A left handed stomach. If you were watching a sport, come on, that counts. That was an excellent description.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Tony O'Neill]

Damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we're 1 and 1, T. 2 and O. Here we go. What kind of products does Makita make? New nerd. Same nerd. You gotta know. Same guy.

[Rich Banks]

Same guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say yes, he knows. Oh. What kind of products? Tools, drills, anything like that, we'll accept.

[Bald Brian]

Anything along those lines.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll say yes.

[Tony O'Neill]

That's common knowledge, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so yes, I'm gonna say no.

[Bald Brian]

Woo.

[Adam Carolla]

Could be a commanding lead here. Here we go. What kind of products does Makita make? Bananas. Oh, you ask him. It's not Chi. Cheetah.

[Bald Brian]

Chiquita.

[Adam Carolla]

Chiquita. Cheetah. Chiquita. Jesus. All right, Commanding Lee. What did you. What are you, four, three, zero? Four zero, three, three, three, zero. We're one and all right. T wins this one. It's all over. Here we go. Which instrument did Tommy Lee play in Motley Crue. All right, we're seeing pictures of the nerds. I say he knows. Looks like a hipster nerd.

[Tony O'Neill]

I'm trying to figure it out. He's got a beard. I'll say he knows. He's into rock music.

[Bald Brian]

Go ahead, T. Well, my first instinct was that he was gonna say guitar, but I think most people, I. I think he knows. I say yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Which instrument did Tommy Lee play in Motley Crue? Drums. Yeah. All right, T. You just want 4, 0. I don't know how many we have left, by the way. We have three left. So I guess we could get back into this. All right.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, we got.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Brian, what are we, two and two.

[Tony O'Neill]

I have two.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And who are you dressed up as today?

[Giovanni]

Bender from the show Futurama.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know who Irvin Johnson is?

[Bald Brian]

What did he say?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know who Irvin Johnson is? I see T. H.

[Bald Brian]

That's the guy who's dressed up as Bender.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. It's hard to read his facial expressions because he's wearing it. He's wearing a Quaker Oats box with tinfoil on his head.

[Bald Brian]

What do you guys think?

[Tony O'Neill]

You have to go first.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta go first.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, I gotta go back. Oh, right. Okay. I'd say so. He. The phrasing was confusing. Do you know who Irvin Johnson is? So we expect him to say he's Magic Johnson or he's a basketball player.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll accept either one of those.

[Bald Brian]

Um, sure. He'll know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I'm gonna say doesn't know to try to get back in the game.

[Tony O'Neill]

I don't think most high schoolers know.

[Adam Carolla]

But this guy could be in his 60s. We don't know. That's the thing we can't see covered with foil. Do you know who Irvin Johnson is? Yeah, he's Magic. All right, T. T just went. We went two and three. She's five zero now. And with two questions left. I think we're mathematically out of it at this. At this point. Yeah, I think we just lost a T. Thank you.

[Bald Brian]

Nerds.

[Adam Carolla]

Rotten hell, you know you're nerds.

[Bald Brian]

How was Comic Con?

[Adam Carolla]

Just like this. Should we bring our guest novelist Tony o' Neill in?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah. Very enthusiastic to meet him. Have you read?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm going to their books.

[Bald Brian]

He's been compared to Bukowski and Burrows.

[Adam Carolla]

Some of the greatest folks ever lace up the skates.

[Bald Brian]

Tony, they do sound, like, hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you. Yeah, good to see you.

[Bald Brian]

Hi, Teresa. Nice to meet you. Have a seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Have a seat. Good to see you. Wow, you're young. I didn't know you were that young.

[Bald Brian]

30, right?

[Adam Carolla]

32.

[Bald Brian]

32. And yet the man's already written, what, seven books?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Lived seven lives. The new book is called Sick City, by the way, it's available on Amazon and bookstores everywhere. Doing a live reading slash signing and drinking. I like this part. Oh, yeah. That is Friday. Best part coming up Friday, July 30th at Powell's Bookstore in Portland. How's the drinking work into the reading and the signing part?

[Rich Banks]

Well, that's the fuel.

[Adam Carolla]

That.

[Rich Banks]

That. That's the oil that greases the wheels.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Bald Brian]

And you don't just drink anything. It's some kind of liquid crack wine.

[Rich Banks]

Oh, well, this was funny, actually. Yeah, this was at Cisco. Have you ever heard of Cisco? It's this kind of like bum wine. It's like the wine that bums drink. Yeah. Like Thunderbird. And it's this very sweet. It comes in. One of the flavors is red. It's just red. They don't even pretend it's based on anything natural. And then we tried to get the tour sponsored by Cisco, you know, because, I mean, the first time I ever drank Cisco, I remember. I don't even remember getting home. You know, this stuff is wild. It goes down easy, but it sort of sneaks up on you.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, sure.

[Rich Banks]

But we tried to get it sponsored by and we thought we had it sponsored by Cisco at one point. And then one of the higher ups found out about it and threw a shit fit. And they were like, we can't possibly.

[Adam Carolla]

Be involved with this Cisco made by some, you know, Anheuser Busch or some parent company that we've heard of where they try to kind of keep it on the down low.

[Rich Banks]

There's some weird little company in upstate New York and they produce Cisco and they also do another. Another bum wine called My Wild Irish Rose.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they call it bum wine or are they. I call it bum wine.

[Rich Banks]

You know, it's the drink of choice.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're right. I think your mic just.

[Bald Brian]

That was one of my favorite things you said, Adam. I was describing. We were describing the area where Brian's wedding was in. In Napa. And then my dad lives two hours north. And you said in fortified wine country.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, nice.

[Bald Brian]

Nice. Meth labs. You should write this shit down. Mike lynch probably has it somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike, write that down.

[Rich Banks]

I'm gonna steal this for the next.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. So, yeah, you know, it's funny. I found what. What is a sort of a new bum wine. I found a spent bottle of it in front of my house the other day, which was rum, but it's the coconut flavored rum in the white plastic bottle. And there's something about drinking hard liquor out of plastic. You know what I mean? Like whether it's that pop off vodka, like when you're squeezing it like a ketchup container, something. It's that Malibu Rum. And you just think, I don't know why, but there's something wildly sad about it. But they always have this crazy tropical theme. Like it's sort of like it's sort of like a clown at a funeral. Like it feels like, what are you doing here? So it's Hypothetical. Yeah. It's like I'm seeing a picture of an island and palm trees and stuff. Except for the guys who drink this live under freeway overpasses in their own urine in refrigerator boxes.

[Bald Brian]

Now, what kind of buzz would I get from Cisco?

[Rich Banks]

Probably you might have sex with somebody you wouldn't normally have sex with, maybe get into a fist fight and wake up in a pool of your own urine.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, this sounds delicious.

[Rich Banks]

But, yeah, so we tried to get a sponsor, but they're apparently trying to promote responsible drinking, which is quite enough.

[Bald Brian]

Amongst bumps.

[Rich Banks]

Amongst bumps. They didn't want to be associated with a book, you know, So I was like, well, I'm just gonna have to buy some Cisco. But it's actually proved quite hard. I was down Hollywood Boulevard just now trying to buy some Cisco to bring to a reading I'm doing in LA tonight.

[Bald Brian]

So what does this run you?

[Rich Banks]

$2 a bacon?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and plus, they go down to Hollywood and try to buy some Cisco. And you think they're talking about the Thong Song, right, or something?

[Rich Banks]

Well, no, the guy was like, oh, we don't. I don't. I don't carry that anymore. I used to get too many bums in here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

It's almost like you take the Ed Hardy out of your clothing store to keep the douchebags out.

[Rich Banks]

Oh, yeah. I'm glad I didn't wear Ed Hardy today. I don't own any Ed Hardy.

[Tony O'Neill]

When you Google Cisco, by the way, first thing that comes up, bumwine.com. cisco.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, wait. It comes in purple, blue, orange.

[Rich Banks]

The big wine, it actually has a warning label. It says, this is not a wine cooler. I think their slogan used to be, it sneaks up on you, Cisco.

[Bald Brian]

But they're promoting responsible drinking.

[Rich Banks]

Well, yeah, because I think actually in la they did an ordinance where they couldn't sell it around Pico and Union because the bums were getting crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

The I. I had when I used to do earthquake rehab down in downtown la, there was a lot of Night Train bottles that were laying around. And what's the other one? Thunderbird. Thunderbird, Night Train were like. But see those things? I think Thunderbird and the Night Train were made by, like, you know, big, big manufacturers who make.

[Rich Banks]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Who make, like Amsterdam.

[Bald Brian]

And they're trying to separate their brand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they don't want to be associated with their own shit. But anyway, let's focus on Tony for a second. Tony, where are you from?

[Rich Banks]

I'm from England originally. I was born in a small town close to Manchester called Blackburn which really isn't known for anything, except the Beatles mentioned it in one of their song lyrics, you know. But that song, Day in the life together. 10,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Rich Banks]

But there's nothing much to really speak of there. The football team that never wins. A lot of rain and rampant races. And that's about all we're really well known for.

[Adam Carolla]

And then when did you move out here to the States?

[Rich Banks]

You know, I was in a band. I mean, I was playing with a band and I came out to LA and wound up at some party in la and this was the first time I ever did crystal meth. We have speed in England, you know, we call it speed and it's like, it's not that strong. I did crystal meth for the first time and three days later I was in Vegas and they'd married this chick I met at the party. So I ended up staying.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah.

[Rich Banks]

Didn't work out, funnily enough. You know how that goes.

[Bald Brian]

But you were just visiting.

[Rich Banks]

I was on tour, yeah. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And then the meth and then the marriage and here you were.

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So then I ended up staying, staying out in LA for a while and getting into all kinds of trouble, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

And when did the author part kick in?

[Rich Banks]

When I cleaned up. I stayed out in LA for a while. Couple of bad marriages, long bout with heroin addiction and stuff like that, you know, homelessness, all that kind of stuff. And I moved out to London because I heard they had free methadone in London, so that seemed like a good reason to go back. So I went back and got in the methadone program. It was kind of like bouncing around and always had this idea that I wanted to write but could never focus on it. And I met my wife, who would be the girl who had become my wife, Vanessa, and decided to give cleaning up a try. And while I was detoxing, I started writing about my LA years and that became my first book, Dig in the Vein.

[Adam Carolla]

How was the methadone? Because My old partner, Dr. Drew, doesn't like that stuff. He says it's just a substitute.

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, well, that's kind of a bullshit argument, because the thing is, a lot of people aren't ready to get clean. And if you're not ready, there's no point going to rehab because it ain't gonna stick. You know, I mean, me and doc, me and Dr. Drew, actually, I disagree with him on a large number of.

[Adam Carolla]

His takes on addiction, you know, name some of them.

[Rich Banks]

Well, you know, this whole once an Addict, Always an addict. It's a, you know, incurable condition. You're powerless. I mean, I believe that you can. You can become like, say, a heroin addict and you can find your own way back to responsible drug use or responsible alcohol use without.

[Bald Brian]

So you think a guy who's been a hardcore junkie can have a Cisco now and again and it wouldn't leave.

[Rich Banks]

I was just having a beer out there. I haven't touched heroin in almost eight years, you know, But I still drink.

[Adam Carolla]

So I would. I would argue with Drew about that. The same topic all the time, which is why, A, why do you give yourself that label? And then B, why not? Why can't you have a glass of wine? Wine. Or it becomes a self discount process. Some of your clown bum friends.

[Rich Banks]

Well, that's the thing. If you, if you buy into that, though. If you're like, that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Then you have the drink and then you start to slide.

[Rich Banks]

Then you're like, fuck it, I'm gonna shoot heroin. I've already relapsed. This whole concept. See, to a junkie, a beer isn't a relapse, right? And when I would go into rehab, what would always send me straight out of rehab was not them saying, you can't do heroin anymore. It was like, you can't have a beer, you can't smoke a joint. And I'm like, really? But I was never an alcohol. Oh, but you are an alcoholic because you're. So you have this blanket condition, which is nonsense to me.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I think the problem with Drew and many other doctors is they do a thing in a perfect world sort of scenario, which is if everyone who left their rehab facility never had another drink, never smoked another joint, never popped another pill, never did anything ever again. Well, then that would be a perfect scenario.

[Rich Banks]

It sounds like a life sentence to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, to be 80, but God damn, it's bullshit. But what it is is they don't. You know, Let me explain what doctors do. If you smoke, like, doctors will say, smoking cigarettes is bad for you. Don't smoke, you quit smoking. If you smoke, you stop smoking. And if you said to the doctor, I smoke one cigarette a week, you go, you, you're a smoker, then you gotta quit smoking.

[Bald Brian]

If it's only one, then just quit that one.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know, it's killing you. Logically, you know, that one cigarette doesn't make a difference. And I don't know if he doesn't believe you, I think he doesn't believe you. I think he thinks you smoke two packs a week and you're just saying I smoke one cigarette a week. I think part of it is they don't believe you. On the other hand, they're just like school teachers who just go knock off that one cigarette because in their mind you, well, how could it hurt if he didn't smoke that one cigarette? Yeah, they don't use deductive reasoning and whatever part of their mind and go, all right, the guy wants to smoke or have himself a little Cisco, he's doing a book signing, so be it. So I, I don't know, like I could hold down Dr. Drew, ply him with some Cisco purple, because that's his brand.

[Rich Banks]

I hate to see that.

[Adam Carolla]

And, and get him to admit, admit that for some addicts who are, for instance, did heroin, right. It's okay to have a glass of wine.

[Bald Brian]

Frisco isn't going to trigger some kind of heroin, Ben.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but as a blanket statement, just like what percentage of people passing through the metal detector at the airport are terrorists?

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Almost none. But the point is, is we need a blanket statement that just says we're gonna have security and everyone must pass through this detector. That's kind of how doctors work.

[Rich Banks]

Well, yeah. And also, I mean, the thing is, if you set the bar that high, what also they're setting up is they're setting up a kind of revolving door thing which keeps them in business, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, because rehab is a big business, nefarious. I like that.

[Rich Banks]

I remember my rehab, when I went to a rehab out in Pasadena and it was on this like two lane highway with nothing around it. The only thing next to the rehab was a liquor store, right. And you'd have like money in your commissary and they'd give it to you, you in a check. And the only place you could cash the check was the liquor store. So the first thing everybody, when they left rehab was they'd have to go to the liquor store to cash the check. And I remember thinking, God, that must be hard for the drinkers. You know, it was like, you know, it was like I have to go to cash my check in a crack house or something. It would have been a bit of a tip, right?

[Bald Brian]

This is so interesting because I've never heard anybody take that point of view. Almost everyone in recovery is made to believe that, well, first you start bending the rules a little bit, and there's no softer, gentler way. You have have to cut out everything.

[Rich Banks]

Well, the thing is, as many people get clean without any treatment as get clean with treatment, actually, the success rate of going into rehab is about the same as people who. You don't really hear their story. They just come to a. They quit themselves.

[Bald Brian]

Like James Fry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like James Frye.

[Rich Banks]

I guess that's just right. Yeah, he did that, didn't he?

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell you that. Yes, there is. I agree with Tony in the sense that. That when the bar is set too high, you go, fuck it. Like when someone goes, you'll never smoke another joint. You'll never have another Miller Lite. You'll never have another quart of Cisco orange. You'll never do it ever again. Then you go, fuck it. And then it's off completely. It's sort of like diets. It's like when somebody says, look, man, it's just going to be stream water and jicama from this day forth. You go, fuck it. Give me a chili burger. But if they said you can have a couple chili fries every once in a while, just don't go bananas. Then all of a sudden you feel like relaxing. You go, all right, they're not taking that away from me.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Rich Banks]

Well, that's one of the big themes in the book 680. I got this character called Dr. Mike, who's a kind of. He's got a TV show called detoxing America where he gets a bunch of celebrities he's on and he detoxes him on reality TV.

[Bald Brian]

So he's Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Dr. Drew in the Hisy.

[Rich Banks]

My hyper perennials lawyers would like me to point out that he is.

[Bald Brian]

He is absolutely not based on Dr. Drew, but he is a television doctor.

[Rich Banks]

Especially the part where he's romantically involved with a crackhead. Transverse diet.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't be a player hater. Well, that does sound like a true.

[Rich Banks]

Well, you know him better than me, man. I'll take your word for that.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, I. I should point out that Tony o' Neill here is the. He has won. He's named the it Writer of the decade by. I should say it Writer of the decade by Esquire magazine. You know who else shares that honor? Theresa Strasser, Jack Kerouac, Brad Easton Ellis.

[Bald Brian]

Heard of those guys?

[Adam Carolla]

Hunter S. Thompson, Dr. Drew in the hisy. And some guy named Irvine Welsh. Although, I don't know. The hell.

[Tony O'Neill]

Train spotting.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Rich Banks]

He's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

What.

[Bald Brian]

How come they. They have to be former drug abusers to really make it?

[Rich Banks]

It was, you know, it was. It was weird. Yeah. But, you know, I wish. I wish I had those guys. Bank balances.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. I said it, but it was a capital I and a T. And I don't know if it was.

[Rich Banks]

They wanted. They wanted you to say like he's the.

[Adam Carolla]

It.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Writer. Underline it of the decade.

[Rich Banks]

It Writer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, IT Rider of the decade.

[Bald Brian]

Well, you're lumped in with some good company there.

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, that's nice. I'd like to go on a night out with all those guys. That would be interesting.

[Bald Brian]

Cup of some, Cisco?

[Rich Banks]

Oh, yeah. We could. We could go crazy.

[Bald Brian]

I feel like Hunter S. Thompson goes purple.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

That's his flavor. Yeah.

[Rich Banks]

He probably snorts it.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. Or injects it.

[Adam Carolla]

Now was Hunter S. And you have to. You know, I'll ask you this, Tony, but I don't know. Hunter S. Thompson seemed weird, but then at a certain point it seemed like he knew people knew he was weird.

[Rich Banks]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

And then it almost became a self fulfilling prophecy and he became a little bit of a caricature.

[Rich Banks]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he sort of. He, I don't know, at a certain point realized if he just showed up in a pair of dockers in a sweatshirt that no one, like he had to do something weird all the time. Otherwise he would lose his status as being just erratic and irreverent and all these things.

[Rich Banks]

It's very easy to get sucked into that, you know, people expect. Expect you to perform, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Do you ever feel that way?

[Rich Banks]

You know? You know, not really. I mean, I guess. Well, I guess I'm not as. I'm not as well known as Hunter. So I guess there's not like a vast wart of the population that would expect me to stagger into my readings draw. But you know, if I do do that, it's because I want to do it, not because I'm projecting it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, how does the. I have a book coming out in November. Teresa has a book coming out as well. I don't know much about that world and how does it work? I imagine at the beginning it's a ton of word of mouth. Right. Because you write your first book, you don't get multi million dollar advances with big billboard campaigns you don't show up on. I got nothing.

[Rich Banks]

I got my first book. Book deal. I came to the States and they had this manuscript I couldn't get. I couldn't get. I couldn't get it pissed on by any. But nobody wanted to touch me.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have pissed on it.

[Rich Banks]

Oh, that was.

[Bald Brian]

Well, thank you, Cisco.

[Adam Carolla]

Pissed.

[Rich Banks]

But you know, I said, yeah. Me and my wife, you know, we just had our daughter and we moved out to New York and I interned with like an independent publishing. They were so independent they didn't have an office or office. They used to meet once a week in a bar in the Lower east side. And that was the, that was their office, that was their weekly meeting. So I was interning for them and I just stuck my manuscript in their pile and pretended I didn't know anything about it. And that's kind of how I got published. But they printed up maybe 500 copies. I got lucky in that maybe 300 of the people who bought a copy then wrote about it. And a lot of people started talking about it. But yeah, it's all word of mouth. The publishing world is very weird. It's a very uptight. It's surprisingly uptight still. You know, it's like, you know, when I got into writing I imagined it'd be like a bunch of nutcases like Hunter Thompson and Burrow staggering around shooting apples off each other's head and snorting old PM off of hookers asses. And it wasn't like that at all. I was surprised.

[Adam Carolla]

And what, how well did your best selling book sell to date?

[Rich Banks]

Well, I had a New York Times book bestseller with a book I co wrote with a football player called Jason.

[Adam Carolla]

Peter who was then you say football but not American football, NFL.

[Bald Brian]

I had a Jason Peter drug problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, I always play Jason Peter.

[Rich Banks]

He played the Carolina Panthers but he was more well known for being a college star in Nebraska. And he was kind of injured in his first season, got hooked on painkillers because of the all the operations and then just became a huge crack in heroin addict. And actually he was someone similar to me in that he never really responded to the whole 12 step AA, you know, the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he on real sports or one of those shows?

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, he has a talk show. Yeah, like a sports show? Yeah, he was on a real sports.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw him featured I think at one point. But anyway that. That was your first.

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, that was the first one with the major he'd read. He read Dig in the Vein. He told me it was like the first, first like of those kind of novels he ever could be bothered finishing from start to finish. And he was like, you know, he'd had sports writers who were gonna do this with him and his take was well look, I can teach you about sports. I couldn't really teach those guys about what it was like to be a junkie. I feel like you got that so and so he did. He had to. He had to. I'd Never seen a game of American football before I started writing this book and I had to, you know, I had to like, have a crash course in this, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

How many copies did that sense?

[Rich Banks]

Oh, I don't know. I never find these things out. I don't really know. I know I did well, though. And you know, it came out in hardback and then went to paperback and there was talk of somebody doing a movie of it, but it never quite happened. And then I just did. I co wrote Cherie Curry of the Runaways memoir Neon Angel.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Banks]

That was. I did that one. You know, I think if it has a bigger name attached to it, that tends to happen. Right now I seem to be. So far I've been one of those writers that critics really liked. But, you know, hopefully with this one, that'll change. You know, this. This one seems to be picking up quite a head of steam, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

And we're talking about Sick City, by the way. Yeah, T Bone.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How about for change, we finish off the news, we never get to that. Tony o', Neill, you can hang out.

[Rich Banks]

Sounds good.

[Adam Carolla]

And tell us where you got your dialect from. As I. It sounds like I could hear some of the English. I can hear some New Yorker.

[Rich Banks]

It's a bastard mix. Yeah. I mean, I live in New York now. I was actually. Both my parents are Irish, so I never had a fully English accent. It was always a mixed up accent to begin with. So, yeah, it's all. And the thing is, I actually didn't realize I'd picked up a bit of an American accent till I came back and I went back to my hometown and they were like, why are you fucking talking like an American? What's wrong with you? And yeah, so, yeah, I know it's not affected. It's not that like Madonna thing where like I want to sound transatlantic or anything. It just. I don't know how it happened.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's good. It's.

[Rich Banks]

I woke up one day and someone stole my accent.

[Adam Carolla]

It keeps people off balance because I really couldn't tell exactly where you're from.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, yeah, There's a Colin Farrell thing kind of going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's also. Now that you're safely married, we can talk about your sexuality. But there's a little. Not sure. You know, it's got a little.

[Bald Brian]

Maybe with enough Cisco, I've killed menstruation.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it's a little. Not. Not sure. That's all. That's all.

[Bald Brian]

Can I ask before we get to this? So before you returned to London, thinking That the methadone would be a good idea. When you were bottoming out here in la, what did that look like at the very low bottom?

[Rich Banks]

Oh, I mean, you know, I was, like, sleeping in cars. I was, you know, shoplifting to fund the habit. I was probably. I was injecting, you know, cocaine and heroin probably up to 25, 30 times times a day. I mean, like, all my veins are collapsed, my teeth are falling out. I got, you know, I was. I was really into it. I actually got. I mean, I don't know if you guys know the Brian Jonestown Massacre. This band is quite a band. West coast band is quite well known for their rampant drug use. And I got kicked out of the Brian Jonestown Massacre for being too fucked up, which was.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, that took some doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was like. Be like being kicked out of the Klan for hating Jews a little too much.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, that guy just really.

[Rich Banks]

Anton actually, like, we're not fond of.

[Adam Carolla]

The Jews, but we don't. We don't. We're not quite as strong as Flammas over there. He's taking it too. He's giving us a bad name. Wow. Yeah, there is a. I'm trying to think. There is a. There is. I hate to laugh about it, but we had a conversation with a guy from Toto, and he was on this show. Remember the band Toto?

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he was telling the story. I was laughing, not outwardly, but to myself, because I was thinking of Dr. Drew, aforementioned Dr. Drew, the whole time. I don't know if you guys t. If you kind of caught this. And he kind of. They kind of formed a super band with yes and Yoso. Yoso. And I was asking him, I said, now, the drummer from Toto, I think was Jeff Picaro or one of those guys. There's two brothers, can't remember. I said, didn't one of them just mysteriously just die out in the garden one day? And he said, yeah, it was like 39. And he was just out in the garden out here in the Valley, and he was spraying on some of that Ortho weed killer. And I guess a wind blew and the wind blew and he. Guess he inhaled it or he absorbed it through his skin. He just had a cardiac arrest. He just died right there in his yard, a young man. And I was like, wow, man, that's freaky. And then I thought, that seems like the kind of product you'd have to pull off the shelf. And then he was like, yeah, well, yeah, no, they didn't pull the Ortho weed killing product off there. And then they did not topsy on the guy. And then they, you know, they found out that weed killer killed him. All right? And then he went ahead and he sued Ortho for, you know, manufacturing the stuff. So then they did a second autopsy, and I found a little bit of coke in his veins. But it was mainly the weed be gone. And I was like, I can just picture Dr. Drew doing that. He just did a little itty bit of coke before he went out of the garden. And I'm sure as soon as this.

[Rich Banks]

Garden on coke, I don't know why.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy would garden on coke either. And also, coke is in and out of your really fast. It's not like weed. It doesn't get stored in your fat cells like it's in and out of you today. So it was funny how he just blew past the a little bit of coke and his little bit of coke.

[Rich Banks]

Smoking a little bit of crack before.

[Adam Carolla]

He mostly weed killer. And you could just see all the attorneys for ortho going like, oh, all.

[Bald Brian]

Right, not this again.

[Adam Carolla]

Going, all right, now we're cool. Yeah. You remember this though, right, Tony?

[Rich Banks]

This is gonna be playing at my funeral.

[Bald Brian]

Just be careful with that. Ortho weed killer.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have. This song is actually good. I was listening to it the other day.

[Tony O'Neill]

Toto's underrated band.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, Good band.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, there they do one of your faves, Africa. Thank you.

[Rich Banks]

You know, that song Africa was so wrong in so many levels, but it's awesome.

[Tony O'Neill]

Listen to the lyrics.

[Rich Banks]

What he's actually saying.

[Tony O'Neill]

Of course it's horribly inaccurate, but it's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we have. Yeah, you can tell that the band is. Has. Is classically trained. And they have like a jazz background because they're crisp, you know, they're like.

[Bald Brian]

They're tight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everything's really tight.

[Bald Brian]

Are you right? You were a musician?

[Rich Banks]

I was a musician, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rich Banks]

I don't do it. I don't do it professionally anymore. You know, I had the most. I joined a band at 18, and we had a lot of success in England when we called Kaniki. Never heard of us out here, but we had like a couple of top 20 hits. And we did TV. And I thought, this is fantastic. You know, this is how it's gonna be. And it was just downhill to the point where it was like, I was like 25 and we were playing to three people and I was drinking methadone on stage and I was. I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, this is Horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's. It's gotta suck taking that step backwards.

[Rich Banks]

Ask Donnie Bonaduce.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, do you have.

[Rich Banks]

I bet you listen to this when you're doing tons of calls.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have Shatner doing the doing? Cassie, by the way. Now, Teresa, you weren't here on Monday when I dug out. This is this classic Shatner.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, I like his work. Good songwriter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Wait, I know that song, but I don't know Shatner's version.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's one. It's a long sort of blowhardy song and Shatner shockingly picked it up and did a version of it that I. I've never heard.

[Rich Banks]

There's no song that Shatner can't improve.

[Adam Carolla]

No, true.

[Bald Brian]

It makes everything better.

[Rich Banks]

Like Vanilla blue scene. The sky with diamonds.

[Adam Carolla]

It's live from where?

[Tony O'Neill]

Dinosaur show.

[Adam Carolla]

Dinah Shore. Probably circa like 879.

[Tony O'Neill]

I've never played this before.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see if it works. See if it works. Wow. I've got something inside me to drive a princess blind There's a wild man wizard he's hiding in me Illuminating my.

[Larry Miller]

Mind I've got got something inside me not what my life's about Cuz I've.

[Adam Carolla]

Been letting my outside tide me over till my time's run up this is right, right, right. Yeah.

[Rich Banks]

I like how he interprets those lyrics.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like experience. Beautiful babies so high. She's so skying. Yeah. Wow. Flying.

[Tony O'Neill]

It's freezing.

[Adam Carolla]

Really afraid to fall. Wow.

[Rich Banks]

Imagine catching this on tv. Like I'm actually going out by mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, at noon, you know, I mean, dinosaurs on during the day, you just think you're high. Aren't we all?

[Dr. Drew]

I've been entranced with music for.

[Adam Carolla]

For the longest. Wow. Now, do you know what song that is?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but that version is almost unrecognizable as the Harry Chapman.

[Adam Carolla]

Tony, do you know what song that is? No.

[Rich Banks]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, see if you can find some of the. The original Harry Chapin one. He's. He's driving a cab. He's driving a cab.

[Bald Brian]

Doesn't he pick up an ex?

[Adam Carolla]

Picks up his ex.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's doing a little bit better. Yeah, she's rich.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, she's rich. But her dreams never came true.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's this great line where she was gonna be an actress and he was gonna learn to fly.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's at home in her house acting happy. That's their whole. This whole thing now. And it's a weird freaky it was raining hard in Frisco. How does it work if you're Shatner? Like, if you're like it was raining hard in Frisco.

[Bald Brian]

It does seem sort of random which syllables you choose to stress.

[Rich Banks]

I think they missed an opportunity to Ryan Frisco with Cisco.

[Adam Carolla]

They put that Amber Blowhard 70s song.

[Bald Brian]

I think that's the fresh atmosphere. You do?

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, it's got that little something.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait to the end of the song when he starts screaming about being high, driving his cabinet time. Listen, the arrangements here. Tony, there's a six and a half.

[Tony O'Neill]

Minute song we had.

[Adam Carolla]

Skip ahead, skip to the part. Skip to the part where he's high at the end. Now you got to skip another minute and a half.

[Bald Brian]

Now I only know this song cuz it was on a mixtape given to me by a guy I almost married in Vegas. After a few.

[Adam Carolla]

And I thought, all right, here's the part where she sings about Harry. Keep the change.

[Bald Brian]

Because she's rich. And she's rubbing it in because he's a hat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but she ain't happy.

[Larry Miller]

No.

[Rich Banks]

I love that people name. That's really cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Human League did that once.

[Bald Brian]

Did they?

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, he said this is Phil talking. And then he gave the kids some advice. What song was that? This is fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Now here's Ray. Such a long, long time ago. You guys should have covered this. When you're in a punk fan.

[Bald Brian]

Can you imagine?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, here's where he tells the story.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Was going to learn to fly. She took off to find the foot lights. I took off for the sky.

[Bald Brian]

He lays it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now she's acting. She's acting.

[Bald Brian]

That's all the acting she's doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Inside her handsome home. And me, I'm flying in my taxi. My favorite part, your tips and getting stone. There's a music they're pumping into rehab. When Drew does a show when I'm stoned. All right, so he's getting stoned. He's driving his taxi. That's a positive message for the kids.

[Rich Banks]

I've heard you actually drive better. You drive more carefully than if you drunk. Drunk drivers are more dangerous. Stone drivers, they just drive really slow.

[Adam Carolla]

Slow.

[Bald Brian]

Did that dude write Cats in the Cradle?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes, that's him.

[Bald Brian]

Now how come no one covered that in the punk rock style?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's a great song.

[Bald Brian]

Who?

[Tony O'Neill]

Ugly Kid Joe had a hit with Cats.

[Bald Brian]

Really?

[Rich Banks]

I forgot they even existed. That was their only. Wasn't that their only hit in England? It was a hit.

[Tony O'Neill]

I hate everything about you.

[Rich Banks]

Oh, that was.

[Bald Brian]

God, what did he do? Oh, that's the Song.

[Rich Banks]

Yeah, he was just saying that. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yes, The. The Remains of the news. And now the Rest of the News with Teresa Strasser.

[Bald Brian]

Have you guys heard of a Z. Donk?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's when you're going at a chick from behind and you put your finger in your own ass and you draw a swastika on her small of her back and shit. Or is that one other one?

[Rich Banks]

No, I tend to call that a.

[Adam Carolla]

Says a Dirty Chapin. It's a Hairy Chapin.

[Bald Brian]

It's a Shatner.

[Adam Carolla]

What is that one? That's a Shatner. That's a Harry Shatner.

[Bald Brian]

I feel like getting a Harry Chapin would be so demoralizing. I don't ever want to fall prey.

[Adam Carolla]

To a Hairy Chapman of Money's worth. That Harry Chapin.

[Bald Brian]

The Dirty Chapin.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened to her? We stopped dating. She had a Harry Chapin. I didn't want to say anything.

[Bald Brian]

No, a Z. Donk. What's a Z Donk is a hybrid between a zebra and a donkey.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that one. Oh, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Five days ago, a Z. Donk was.

[Adam Carolla]

Born in Georgia, proving a donkey will anything.

[Rich Banks]

Well, who fucked who?

[Adam Carolla]

Did the zebra fuck? The monkey or the. Let's see, how does that happen? Mules don't.

[Rich Banks]

Do they have donkeys?

[Adam Carolla]

Mules are all the same, right? Mules are a horse and a donkey. Jesus Christ. Where's a Mexican when you need one? Someone's got to explain this to us.

[Bald Brian]

Well, according to C.W. wathan, in all his years at the Chesatee Wildlife Preserve, he's never seen this happen. He's never seen a Z Donk born. He says the animals have been running together for more than 40 years, but this is the first time that this has happened here.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Bald Brian]

We never suspected that they mated, so it was quite a surprise when the Zee Donk was born. The animal is a mix between a zebra and a donkey. Black stripes prominently displayed on her legs and face. Her zebra heritage is readily apparent, but her slender face and spindly legs are more donkey like.

[Adam Carolla]

It looks like she's wearing leggings from the 80s.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, yeah, like a flash dance seat on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rich Banks]

Somebody better call Maury.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah. Kind of cute. Morris, gonna run a little saliva test and see who the real dad is.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I don't know if you guys are aware of this, but the end of the world as written in the Bible, will come next year if you believe Mari Exley of Colorado Springs.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I just love it because I love it when all the retards go up on the hill with the bag of Doritos and the folding chairs. And they're like, well, sell the car, sell the house. Tell the boss to off raptors coming in 12 hours, 41 minutes, 28 seconds. And at some point, see, they'll always go interview them up on the hill. That's not the interview I want. I want them slinking back to their hijab on Monday, begging their boss for their gig back. That's the interview I want to see. I want to see the part where they come back to the house, that they put the for sale sign on. That's what I want.

[Bald Brian]

Save the date return of Christ May 21, 2011 this has been written on an ad which was purchased for $1200 by Marie Exley, who was unemployed, but she still felt like.

[Adam Carolla]

And you wouldn't need to save your money if you're going in less than a year.

[Bald Brian]

I don't need this money because it's the end of days. So I'm gonna put this ad on a bench and let everyone know that the end is nigh. She just wants to get the message out. She's 31 years old. She got the idea for the ads from listening to Family Radio, a Christian broadcast heard on 55 stations in the U.S. right? Hosted by some guy named Harold Camping. He predicts Christ will return.

[Adam Carolla]

Pulled that out on a bitch once.

[Bald Brian]

You did the Harold Camping?

[Adam Carolla]

Pulled the Harold Camping after too much Cisco.

[Bald Brian]

Now, wait a second. If you did the Harold Camping, I can only assume you did the Harry Chapin.

[Adam Carolla]

I did the Harry Chapin. I followed up with the Harold Camping. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

What about Shatner?

[Adam Carolla]

Pulled the Shatner as well.

[Bald Brian]

I can't believe she survived all of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tony O'Neill]

You pulled the champion capon Shatner trifecta.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tony O'Neill]

That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Good night.

[Bald Brian]

Harold Camping predicts Christ will return on the date In Exley's advertisement that is May 21st. Listeners in other states have also purchased outdoor ad space to proclaim the date. The ads are written and designed by the creators of WeCannKnow.com, an Ohio based website devoted to reminding people of crowd Christ's return.

[Adam Carolla]

The Herald Camping is where you take a spent maxi pad and you fire it out of a water balloon launcher at her anus.

[Bald Brian]

I always wondered what it was. I knew it had something to do with the maxi pad, but I didn't really want to know. Yeah, I still don't know what the.

[Adam Carolla]

Dirty Sanchez Google Image it. It's hot. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Now, if the. If the end of the world was coming. It's May 21st, and. And this woman's right. Do you have, like one last fling with the heroine or do you just tip back a Cisco, or do you just go peacefully?

[Rich Banks]

I'd probably settle down and read a copy of Sick City. It's a fine book. I would actually advise any Christians listening to run out and buy the book now and try and get it read before Jesus comes back.

[Bald Brian]

Christians.

[Rich Banks]

And actually, when Jesus comes back, he should get a copy too, because he'd probably really enjoy it.

[Bald Brian]

Jesus probably would love it. The wine and the. Okay, Christians, you heard it here first.

[Adam Carolla]

Turned the water into Cisco.

[Bald Brian]

And by the way, you could drink Cisco amongst some of your friends if you go to see Tony reading.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Live signing and drinking. Friday, July 30, at Powell's Bookstore in Portland. And by the way, Saturday, the following day at the Booksmith in San Francisco.

[Rich Banks]

The last time I was in San Francisco, I ended up in the closet of a guy who gave me a meth head, who gave me a tattoo of a bullseye between my shoulder. I don't really know why this happened, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah, but.

[Rich Banks]

So this is the first time I've been back to San Francisco since that incident. So I'm hoping for an even more memorable occasion.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's a problem, because when you're in San Francisco and you're in a closet, you can't tell people, I came out of the closet when I was living in System Frisco because, you know, again, they'll misinterpret it the wrong way. So Rapture's coming when? 21st of May.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, the rapture's coming May 21st.

[Adam Carolla]

We bump it. My birthday's May 27th, and I feel like I'd be like, ah, come on, less than a week. Come on, Jesus, let's see if we.

[Bald Brian]

Can bump it till the 28th.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why are you shitting on my big day?

[Bald Brian]

Listen, Christians, move it a few days and see if you can accommodate the ace man.

[Adam Carolla]

He has a birthday.

[Bald Brian]

Coming up is the news.

[Adam Carolla]

The News with Teresa Strasser. Eat a dick, msnbc. Well, I want to give a little shout out to our brothers over at Mangrate before we call it a night. Mangrate again. The steakhouse grilling at home. 100% American cast iron. Same great use of engine block. And it's good stuff. I've been all over, over the country talking to people that bought these things. Everyone's satisfied. Www.adamcorollashow.com Order yours today, Tony thank you. I'd give you another plug, but we just did Sick City, name of the book and you can find it anywhere. Bookstores, everywhere, Amazon, all that good stuff. Great to meet you. Yeah, good to meet you. Come back anytime you like. Also, you should check out itunes for our new ringtones. We have those going on. And I want to thank rich [e-mail] for nerd walking song. Rich does all our music. My book still in the top 10 of Amazon and hasn't even come out yet. Thanks to all you guys. Was informed by our gay publicist that we're at about 2,000 of the book plates sold. So if you want your free autograph book plate, you better get on it because we're only doing 2500 and thank you, thank you, thank you. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Bald Brine. Tony and Teresa Strauss are saying mahalo. And now your Adam Carolla extra. What the hell happened to dogs? Everyone remember. Remember when they were scrappy? Remember junkyard dogs? Remember the dog, like when you were a kid and you'd watch like the fox and the hound and the hound slept outside in a tire and it just chased raccoons around and went and got ducks, jumped out of the blind and went into the mire and got the duck and brought it back. My dog is a world class pussy now and a money pit. Dogs have just turned into money pits. My dog had to go to the vet today to get a lump on top of her head. Biopsied. She had a cancer scare six months ago. She got bit by a rattlesnake. I shit you not. I have spent three times as much on my dog Molly in the last six years as my parents spent on both of their children from 0 to 18. Easily, quite easily. The food they eat has to be special. Lamb and rice. By the way, do you think dogs like rice or lamb for that matter? Like, well, that's what they would eat in the wild. Sheep and rice. I'm just saying, Mike, your dog has like cataracts and a bowel obstruction and epilepsy and scurvy and parvo and what the fuck ever happened? Hey, it's a dog. You feed it, it shits and in about nine years it dies. When did they all. Is it the inbreeding? Like, when did they turn to the fucking royal family from the, you know, 1400s? It's so sad. I know it's a scam. I know it's all part of the same thing. Where my son needed a corrective helmet and he has peanut allergies, and he. He's glutose and lactose intolerant and all that bullshit. And now it's spreading to the fucking dogs. The vet business. That's it. I'm going to open my own vet business. It's the greatest gig ever. Imagine 20 years ago, you were doing nothing. You're only taking care of dogs that got backed over by drunken owners. Now you have dogs coming in and they have to get their chakras realigned and their aura's fucked up, and they have a bronchial condition and they're allergic to synthetic fibers, and they just. Just back up the Brinks truck. So scared. It's so scary. Yeah, they have a Prozac now for a canine depression. What? Mike, what are the two things your dog has? Just yell it at me. She has epilepsy and she has recurring eye infections. Right. My dog has the eye thing going, too. And look, you know, I'm not making a ton of money now, so I'm just going to hire a drifter to kill my dog. Otherwise, we're going to have to mortgage the house.

[Dr. Drew]

We can have our dogs fight.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Let Darwin take out the garbage. He can settle this. Let the stronger animal. You know what I wonder. You know what? Here's a theory. All the spade and neutering, once they were spayed and neutered, they just went, well, fuck it. If I'm not going to pass my jeans on anymore, then what do I need good jeans for? Open the door and let the cancer in. Maybe there's a part of you that needs to fuck and move your seed ahead. And maybe when you remove that essentially at birth, I mean, when dogs are old enough to become sexually mature, they basically pull them out of the game. And. And once you're pulled out of the game, you just become like a native on Bikini Island. You guys can Google it. But we wanted to test our nuclear bombs on an island. So they're a bunch of natives on Bikini Island. And we were like, hey, man, we're going to take you off your island and we're going to blow it up. But don't worry, we'll give you a pool table and some booze and a stipend and a new island, and they all just sit around getting drunk, shooting pool all day. I think that's what happened to our dogs. Once they realized they couldn't fuck, or at least they could fuck, but it'd be a throw pillow, then they just went, you know what? Fuck it. Disease all started creeping in. They lost their will to live. They started getting all these cancerous growths. When you were growing up, did you know anyone whose dog had cancer? No. They got backed over like, it would be like, what happened to your dog? It got attacked by a crowd, but it never fucking had a cancerous growth. I think they need to fuck. And I mean imagine us, imagine if they just cut your balls off when you were 13 and just went fuck it. Like, wouldn't you just. You'd be riddled with cancer now and about to die or at least have one foot in the grave as well. Maybe that's it. Maybe. We will find through long term studies that when you remove and for an animal, by the way, you. Your fundamental right to fuck, when that is taken off of the bargaining table, you lose your will to live. And then the cancer just comes rushing in. And they always do that thing where they go, you have to have a positive mental attitude. Well, not being able to fuck, I don't know if Patch Adams could overcome that. That was your Adam Carolla extreme.

[Giovanni]

All right, that is it for these Corolla classics. Until tomorrow, mahalo and get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Summer of Cinema. Stream your favorite blockbuster films like Gladiator. I will have my vineyards. Good burger. This is what I do fast. Beverly Hills Cop, the Girl with a Dragon Tattoo and Julian Julia.

[Larry Miller]

Bon appetit.

[Adam Carolla]

All for free on your favorite devices Pluto TV Stream now pay never.