The Adam Carolla Show: Jay Paterno + Amy Alkon (Carolla Classics) – August 29, 2025
Episode Overview
This "Carolla Classics" episode features two memorable interviews from 2014: Amy Alkon, the science-based advice columnist, and Jay Paterno, son of legendary Penn State coach Joe Paterno. Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, and Brian "Bald Bryan" Bishop revisit their characteristically candid, comedic banter while delving into topics ranging from quirky personal habits and pop culture, to family relationships and the complexities of public scandal.
The episode is a blend of humor, nostalgia, and insight, offering classic Carolla discussions on everything from air guitar competitions to the realities of law enforcement, the legacy of Joe Paterno, and why Butterfinger bars can be so divisive.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Opening Banter and Classic Carolla Riffs
- Vacation/Jokes About Endorsement Ads: Adam and the crew riff on vacationing, nostalgia, and the quirky realities of podcast promotion.
- Air Guitar & Air Drum Competitions: Discussion about Rush, Van Halen, and the legitimacy of air instrument competitions, with plenty of self-deprecating humor (“I used to do a move when I would do air guitar, which is I would throw a towel in at myself, blot my face with it, and throw it back out. You know, that was my move.” — Adam, 04:33).
- Mascots and Talking Food Commercials: The team debates the creepiness of anthropomorphized foods and cultural differences in advertising (08:58–11:32).
Memorable Quote:
“The idea of eating and then eventually pooping out whatever the lovable character is bothers me.”
— Adam Carolla (08:58)
2. “Just Me or Everyone?” with Allison Rosen
- Talking Food Mascots: Segment opens with listener-submitted quirks and questions about talking food mascots, pet choices, and personal habits.
- Ferret Owners: Adam goes off on why ferret owners are inherently suspicious (“The ferret is the only animal that people buy that actually rides their owner.” — Adam, 18:28; “Ferret guys are always jackoffs, and they should never be trusted.” — Adam, 17:01).
- Q-Tips Use Culture: Comedic complaints about “do not insert in ear” warnings, confessions of Q-tip misuse, and alternative methods for ear cleaning.
- Nostalgia for Commercial Jingles and Marginally Entertaining Childhood Television.
Insightful Exchange:
“It says on the box, don’t put in your ear, but that's the first place it goes. It's the only place it goes.”
— Adam (21:37)“I scoop [earwax with nail clippers].”
— Brian Bishop (23:45)
3. The Quirky Car Theft Story with Amy Alkon (Science-Based Advice Columnist)
- Amy’s Story: Recounts the theft and recovery of her powder-pink Nash Rambler, highlighting police inaction and her DIY detective work.
- Critique of the Police: Adam’s signature rant about law enforcement's priorities and effectiveness (“Just pull them off the extraction of cash detail from the citizens and put them on the protect and serve detail. And then you’ll have enough guys.” — Adam, 41:09).
- Morality and Dumb Criminals: Amy emphasizes that criminals aren’t geniuses (“Criminals are dumb, so it was easy to find them.” — Amy, 46:03).
- Science-based Advice: Amy unpacks how her column uses real psychological studies rather than “just finger-wagging advice.”
- Evolutionary Psychology & Reputation: Interesting discussion about research and the behavioral science underpinning everyday reactions and social cues (like using eye motifs to boost honesty).
Notable Moment:
“The way to not be a victim is to act like you’re not one, to take action, to do something.”
— Amy Alkon (42:59)
4. Jay Paterno Interview — Legacy, Loss, and The Scandal
- Background: Jay calls in to discuss his book, "Paterno Legacy," which aims to tell the full story of his father Joe Paterno’s decades-long career — and the tragic fallout of the Sandusky scandal.
- Clearing the Record: Jay stresses that official investigations exonerated his father of a coverup, yet public opinion remains harsh due to media narrative.
- Media and Scandal-mongering: Adam and Jay agree that public ire often spills onto secondary figures after a scandal's main perpetrator is brought to justice (78:05–79:56).
- Growing Up as “JoePa’s” Son: Jay shares the ups and downs of growing up in the Paterno household: perks (access, recognition) and downsides (shared fatherhood with a football team, lack of privacy).
- Legacy and Memory: The group laments how quickly a half-century of good reputation can be undone by media, even after death.
Memorable Quotes:
“You're not going to fake people out for 61 years at the same place. So obviously, he was the real deal.”
— Jay Paterno (76:38)“Let's not forget there is somebody who either punches women or molests children that we really need to focus our ire on.”
— Adam Carolla (78:05)
5. Classic Callers, Candy Disputes, and Parenting Riffs
- Caller Kim: A lighthearted segment where Kim seeks advice on approaching a workplace crush.
- Candy Bar Preferences: Enjoyable debate about candy bars, from Reese’s to Marathon bars, with colorful nostalgia and commercial analysis.
- Parent-Child Relationships: The hosts and callers discuss the subtleties of childhood resentment, filial bonds, and how women’s and men’s relationships with their parents differ (“I think a slightly higher percentage of females have a beef with their parents than males have with their parents.” — Adam, 127:27).
- Birds & Pooping: Adam muses about the dynamics and science of birds pooping while flying, with Brian confirming: “99.9% of birds that fly can poop and fly at the same time.” (134:43–135:39)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)
- “There’s a bigger chasm each time you play... I still feel like it’s Rush quality though.” — Adam, riffing on air guitar contest (03:44–03:50)
- “You park a pickup truck with a gun rack and a Dukes of Hazzard flag on the hood... I bet your likelihood [of a robbery] goes way down. Unless you neighbors will think you’re a dick.” — Adam, home security theory (53:10)
- “They just wouldn’t do it. What keeps your gardener in line is if he doesn’t show up to mow the lawn for three weeks... But what if you told your gardener, 'You can never be fired'? How fucking bad would everyone’s front yard look in this city, and how fast?” — Adam, on public unions and police (56:21)
- “The ferret is the only animal that people buy that actually rides their owner.” — Adam (18:28)
- “[Joe Paterno] was iconic, but he was iconic because this is how you want your kids to turn out... good, strong moral constitution... most respected Americans.” — Adam, discussing legacy and reputation (86:33)
- “No one else will do it. You’re all fucking cowards. Step up and start calling them pussies. Thank you.” — Adam, on criticizing police departments (44:59)
- “Just pull them off the extraction of cash detail from the citizens and put them on the protect and serve detail. And then you’ll have enough guys.” — Adam, on police priorities (41:09)
Timestamps for Major Segments
- Air Guitar & Mascots: 02:15–11:32
- Just Me or Everyone?: 08:01–27:00
- Amy Alkon Interview: 34:56–55:14
- Jay Paterno Interview: 74:43–85:43
- Candy Bar Debate: 98:07–101:54
- Parent/Child Relationship Discussion: 126:30–133:10
Tone and Style
The episode maintains Adam Carolla’s direct, irreverent, and observational humor throughout, peppered with insightful moments and emotional candor, especially regarding family and scandal. The banter between Adam, Allison, and Bryan balances self-deprecation with pop culture wisdom, offering listeners both entertainment and perspectives on bigger issues.
For Listeners Who Missed It
This episode encapsulates what makes “The Adam Carolla Show” enduring: unfiltered comedy, honest debate, and meaningful reflection on public life and private weirdness. Whether you're nostalgic for 2010s podcasting or just want to hear Carolla’s take on celebrities, scandal, and society with a laugh, this classic curation is both accessible and engaging.
Listen for:
- Hilariously specific cultural riffs (ferrets, Butterfinger bars)
- Sharp critiques of modern law enforcement and public institutions
- Unpacking the Joe Paterno saga with rare personal insight
- Entertaining, off-the-wall exchanges about candy, hygiene, and the quirks of everyday life.