Jeff Dunham: Owning the Batmobile & Adam’s Call with Jerry Seinfeld

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Jeff Dunham: Owning the Batmobile & Adam’s Call with Jerry Seinfeld"

Date: March 12, 2026
Guests: Comedian Jeff Dunham
Hosted by: Adam Carolla

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Episode Overview

In this lively, freewheeling episode, Adam Carolla welcomes comedian and ventriloquist Jeff Dunham for a candid conversation about career evolutions, epic car collections, celebrity encounters, comedy’s changing landscape, and the ups and downs of chasing big dreams. From trading stories about regrets and car auctions to dissecting the weird codes of masculinity and culture grifts, Carolla and Dunham riff with characteristic wit and sincerity, weaving in sharp commentary on celebrity attitudes, personal growth, and the state of comedy today.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Evolution, Regrets, and Wisdom in Comedy Careers

• Career Growth: Dunham observes that Adam seems to have "snapped" recently, bringing more edge to his comedy. Adam explains it's not a personality shift so much as better content capture and social media presence.
  • Jeff (02:24): “You've always been kind of on fire, but in the last few months you've gotten really on fire. What happened?”
  • Adam (02:44): “I always yelled about tons of stuff... now we have a team that actually captures the stuff and pushes it out there.”
• Aging and Wisdom: Both agree their best years are now, having accumulated wisdom and thick skin.
  • Jeff (05:39): “I love where I am right now, in my early 60s, because I can look back and I feel like there's a pile of wisdom there.”

2. Regrets, What-Ifs, and the “Sliding Doors” of Showbiz

• Missed Opportunities in Life and Career: Adam jokes about how easily he would have settled for a blue-collar job at a solid wage, never imagining his eventual success.
  • Adam (08:22): "If you had presented me with a contract from the Devil when I was 25 ... I would have ripped that contract out of the devil's hands ..."
• Dunham’s Surprises: Performing in arenas, international touring, and buying a tour bus were never on his radar when he started.
  • Jeff (11:21): "...to go. All I wanted to do was come here and be able to do what Jerry Seinfeld was doing ... That would be the epitome of all."
• Car Regrets: Adam laments selling his Lamborghini Miura before the collector market spiked.
  • Adam (13:46): “I bought one for $2 million, and I sold it for, like, 2.2 ... One sold last weekend for $6.6 million.”

3. Cars, Status, and Comedic Pecking Orders

• Seinfeld Story: Adam recalls inviting Jerry Seinfeld to see his rare Porsche 935 at a car event—Jerry declined, sparking a running joke about comedic egos and rare car snobbery.
  • Adam (19:01): "I said, do you want to check out the 935? ... He said, nah, I'm good."
  • Seinfeld (21:42; via Spike’s show): "He kept pushing me...I go, why? Will it be me going, wow, cool car? And then what? Then nothing."
  • Adam (22:46): “There’s zero comedians who own a 935, except for me and Jerry Seinfeld.”
• Dunham’s “Porsche Problem”: Jeff recounts being snubbed by Seinfeld for owning a Nissan, not a Porsche, at the Comedy & Magic Club in the early ‘90s, which soured him on Porsche fandom for years.
  • Jeff (27:10): “He looked at me like I was an idiot ... such a snooty conversation and such dismissal.”

[Timestamps for Car Stories: 13:09, 19:01, 22:46, 24:05, 25:05, 27:10]

• Collector’s Philosophy: Both discuss how car collections mirror personal psychology; it’s not about value, but stories and conversation starters.
  • Jeff (42:12): “The Keaton Batmobile...that would be the one that I would keep...I put a lot into it...So that’s just an awesome [car].”
  • Adam (45:22): “Leno’s criteria for his collection is everything has to have a story.”

4. Comedy, Resilience, and The Tonight Show Gauntlet

• Persistence Pays: Dunham narrates the ordeal of getting on The Tonight Show—being rejected eight times, finally succeeding just before his self-imposed 10-year deadline.
  • Jeff (52:00): "I gave myself 10 years to get on the Tonight show with Carson...Jim McCauley turned me down eight times..."
  • Jeff (55:51): “It’s better to be five years late than one day early. There’s so much wisdom in that.”
• Showbiz Bumps and Surreal Premieres: Adam and Jeff trade stories of being bumped from Letterman, weird celebrity lineups, and the electric nerves of “standing at the curtain” for network TV.
  • Adam (59:16): “He gets bumped...he did the whole tattoo business...that’s just the way they do it.”
  • Jeff (62:38): “Standing at that curtain, hearing Doc Severinsen play...that moment is just like...It’s a life changer.”
• The On-Stage Rush: Dunham admits he still feels a jolt of terror before every show:
  • Jeff (63:23): “Every night right before I walk on stage, there's that little bit, tiny bit of terror...like when you're at the very top of that roller coaster ... here we go.”

5. Craftsmanship: Building Dummies and the Science of Laughter

• Personal Touch: Dunham still sculpts and engineers all his dummies, blending old-school tech with modern 3D printing.
  • Jeff (63:54): "Yeah, I build all the dummies...I still do it the old school way, sculpt it out of clay. But now I 3D scan it and then print the head..."
• Mathematics of Comedy: He shares his system of engineering laughs into every 6–10 seconds of a set—a discipline trained by doing late night TV.
  • Jeff (65:17): “I started building all my sets so I would get a laugh every six to 10 seconds...That formula...is a real key to making people want to come back.”

6. Changing Perceptions: Prop Comedy’s Place in the World

• Evolving Respect: Adam points out how “prop” or “gimmick” acts—like Carrot Top—become reappraised over time.
  • Adam (66:03): “Carrot Top was like sort of a punchline...Now, he's kind of an...elder statesman.”
• Feeling Like an Outsider: Dunham recalls being sneered at for using dummies—paralleling Carolla’s own run-ins with the comedy “elite.”
  • Jeff (67:10): “I had to fight that battle, though. I was always…not a real comedian.”
• Radio Press Stories: Jeff describes the awkwardness of having to perform with dummies for radio promotion—preferring real conversation, as with Adam.
  • Jeff (68:45): "And what's worse than having to do that? Than having to walk into a studio carrying a dummy? On radio."

7. Adam’s Signature Rants: Culture, Grifts, Masculinity, and Bureaucracy

• On Grift and Invisible Problems: Adam rips into political and media “projects” that fundraise around issues that cannot be measured or solved, contrasting this with concrete fixes (“the transmission” or “the bridge”).
  • Adam (81:31): “Most of the grift is invisible bullshit ... Like, well, he's on the spectrum of autism or whatever this stuff is.”
• On Masculinity Documentaries: Adam eviscerates dumb pop-psych cliches and outsider commentary about what it means to “be a man,” mocking buzzwords and “Harvard guys talking about masculinity.”
  • Adam (103:06): “I fucking love it when dumb shits talk about masculinity ... You never played any football. You never rode a motorcycle. You've never fucking done anything. So shut the fuck up.”
• On Government Waste/Cynicism: Adam rails against wasteful government spending and bureaucratic hypocrisy, exposing the difference in scrutiny between taxpayer money and personal expenses.
  • Adam (94:00): “Your best expenditure on money is your money on you ... The worst you can do is not your money, not your TV set. That's what the government is ... That's why there's so much waste.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On regret and missed chances:
  • Adam (13:44): “I bought one [Lamborghini Miura] for $2 million, and I sold it for 2... one sold last weekend for $6.6 million. Regrets? Yeah, I have a few.”
• On the comedy grind:
  • Jeff (52:00): “Gave myself 10 years to get on the Tonight Show ... Jim McCauley turned me down eight times ... I finally got on... two months before my ten year goal.”
• On craftsmanship:
  • Jeff (63:54): "Yeah, I build all the dummies. ... I still do it the old school way, sculpt it out of clay. But now I 3D scan it and then print the head, the shell. But then you got to install all the mechanics..."
• On the “invisible grift”:
  • Adam (83:33): "Most of the grift is invisible bullshit ... It’s all fucking invisible. So we can just keep funneling money toward you. ...You make documentaries about bullshit that doesn't change anything."
• On masculine codes (documentary rant):
  • Adam (104:15): “You don’t know anything. You get paid to make documentaries about bullshit. That doesn’t change anything. Go fucking build something or do something, would you, please?”

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Highlighted Timestamps

• (02:24) – Jeff on Adam’s “snapped” energy.
• (08:22) – Adam on career what-ifs and the "devil’s contract."
• (13:14–15:20) – Adam's car regrets, the Miura story.
• (21:42–22:46) – The Porsche 935, Jerry Seinfeld snub, and comedy egos.
• (27:10) – Jeff’s “Porsche problem” from the Comedy & Magic Club days.
• (42:12–43:44) – Dunham’s favorite cars: Batmobiles, GTs, and showstoppers.
• (52:00–55:51) – Dunham’s relentless quest for The Tonight Show debut.
• (63:23–63:42) – The rollercoaster of pre-show nerves, even now.
• (65:17) – The calculated science of laughs-per-minute.
• (81:31, 83:33, 94:00, 104:15) – Adam’s major rants on invisible grift, masculinity, and government waste.

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Final Thoughts & Tone

This episode mixes the charm of “old guy wisdom” with hilarious, self-aware showbiz stories and the unique lens of car fanaticism. Adam and Jeff’s chemistry is strong: sarcastic, self-deprecating, but grounded, swapping shop talk (real and metaphorical) about both comedy and craftsmanship. The result is both funny and insightful, touching on universal themes—regret, improvement, the desire to leave a mark, and the struggle to stay real in a world of grift and bureaucratic nonsense. Listeners get signature Carolla “rants,” honest confessions, and plenty of sharp banter—a treat for comedy, car, and culture fans alike.

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Jeff Dunham’s Tour Info

• Tour: "Artificial Intelligence"
• New TV series: "The Cars That Drove Us" premieres March 31st on Discovery

Adam Carolla’s Show Plugs

• Tour/ticket info at adamcarolla.com

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Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, very funny. Comedian Jeff Dunham is in Rudy's got the news. And we'll do all that right after this. Thanks for tuning into the Adam Carolla show. You can watch the full show on YouTube just search Adam Carolla show and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also get the podcast wherever you like to listen. And for extra content, ad free episodes and more, you can head over to our substack and sign up. Today. Fast growing trees. Did you know Fast growing trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery. They have thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers. I know, I'm one of them. They have all the plants your yard needs, grown with care and guaranteed to arrive happy, healthy. I moved around a lot and fast Growing Trees helps me make my dream yard every single time. All you have to do is just click, order and grow. They take care of them, they grow them right. They ship them to you and you put them in the ground and you enjoy. No wait, no hassle. It's Fast Growing trees, right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Jeff Dunham]

you start making a McDonald's burger and never stop.

[Adam Carolla]

The Big Arch, the most McDonald's McDonald's burger yet for a limited time.

[Dawson]

From Corolla one studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla show. Adam's guest today, comedian Jeff Dunham. Plus the news with Rudy Pavage. And now, Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the train. Choice but to get it on mandate. Get it on. Jeff Dunham back in the studio. Good to see you, my friend.

[Jeff Dunham]

Thanks for having me back. You know, you know what's crazy, Adam, is I don't. You've always been kind of on fire, but in the last few months you've gotten really on fire. What happened? I mean, like nuts. I mean, the clips come over my, you know, feed like way more now than they were a While ago.

[Adam Carolla]

What.

[Jeff Dunham]

What happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay, I always yelled about tons of stuff all the time, but we didn't really capture it and push it out there. We just sort of talked about it for a long time, and now we have a team that actually captures the stuff and pushes it out there. So the thing I think, and maybe I'm incorrect, but people have a perception like, oh, now you're really talking. It's like I always was talking. It's just getting captured, put with a thumbnail on it and shoved out in a way that we never did it before.

[Jeff Dunham]

Okay, I will take that and believe a percentage of it, but I think something in you snapped.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, snapped in a good way.

[Jeff Dunham]

In a good way.

[Adam Carolla]

Snapped is what happens to postal workers before they go on killing sprees. It's not when comedians have insights.

[Jeff Dunham]

I just. I don't know. I think you've gotten more fed up with stuff and got more of an edge. And so you can give your team the credit, but I think you're not giving yourself enough credit.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I thank you and yeah, I do. I mean, when people go, oh, you get older or you've changed. You know what I mean? It is. You've. Change is a weird put down because if you go to Amazon, there's 10,000 books on how to change. And then somebody insults you by going, you've changed. It's like, yeah, maybe I read a book and change. You know what I mean? It's sort of like when people used to insult you back in the 200 years ago. They go, I said, good day. It's like, all right, I'll have a good day.

[Jeff Dunham]

What age do you look back on and go, never again? And I can't believe that, like, who was I?

[Adam Carolla]

Or would I look that way?

[Jeff Dunham]

I'm going somewhere with this. But what age do you go, okay, yeah, I don't ever want to be that person again.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's try to. I mean, let's try to figure this out in terms of. Look back on. First thing you have to study is hairstyle. That's the number one thing you need to look at.

[Jeff Dunham]

That's not what I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an aesthetic, but it'll get to the truth. We can get to the truth. No, what I'm saying is your change, like, what you're trying. I never had a look and I never had an attitude, and I never had a thing. I had periods of my life where I didn't know things.

[Jeff Dunham]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But I never had a. Oh, my God, you joined that cult you know, in 82 or look at you with the hair and the stonewashed denims. I never had any of that. I was always me. I just sort of became more of me as the years wore on there.

[Jeff Dunham]

That's what I think it is. And you know, when you hear. When I was younger and I heard older guys get older and they'd say, oh, these are the best years of my life, I'm like, you're just making an excuse and trying to make yourself feel better because you're an old fart now and you don't feel good and you hurt and you're saying, these are the best years of my life. I think when you get to. Okay, you know, you say a comedian really doesn't reach his stride, hasn't lived long enough until X amount of age, and then he can have be interesting enough for the audience and have enough material. Well, I think you get to a certain point in your life, and I love where I am right now, in my early 60s, because I can look back and I feel like there's a pile of wisdom there. And you know those Star Trek episodes where the guys would always try, you know, throughout history, the stories of guys trying to live forever. And I don't want to give up all this wisdom and stuff they've accumulated all these years. That's what I feel like right now. Because if somebody said, if you could push a button and go back right now in your life, would you and do it over? I'd go, no, no. This has been great. Because every mistake along the way has built character. Every stupid experience has built more character. Every success has been a pat on the back, but it didn't propel you forward. And so I look at what you're doing right now and it's just like, I feel like you're in your perfect stride right now because you've had so much behind you that has built you the way you are. And the wisdom of years of saying the right things and sometimes the wrong thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay, a couple things. I had a conversation with someone this morning where the person said, I hope this works out, because if it doesn't, it's just been a waste of time. And I said, nothing's a waste of time. You learn stuff. You know what I mean? The good and the bad. I think we categorize. I didn't get the job or I didn't get the gal or I didn't get the whatever and waste of time, you know, and it's like, it's really nothing's A waste of time if you're learning something, even if it's uncomfortable or there's money expenditure that you never got back or whatever. But there's. We can make some lemonade out of these lemons. So really, nothing's a waste of time. If you really look at it like, if you want to be philosophical and

[Jeff Dunham]

do you have things in your life that you really wanted, really wanted to accomplish or really wanted to do and it never happened, and you look back and go, thank God. The tried example is the woman. Not that. Not like, oh, my God, I wanted to marry her. And thank God that didn't happen. Just career stuff where you go, if it had really gone the direction that I wanted to do, I wouldn't be where I am today.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like I am always playing with house money, career wise. Well, I had so many regular jobs for so long doing work that was not boring. People tell jobs where they worked as a temp at an office and it was boring as hell. Or they worked as a bartender or something, they hated it. Or so waiters, they hate it. But I had jobs where I crawled underneath people's houses with a flashlight in my mouth for so long that talking for a living and sharing ideas for a living or making a documentary or writing a book or something, the idea that I can even in a bizarre way, that I could make a living while sitting down is absolutely foreign to how I grew up. It was always on your feet. How much stuff can you move in an hour? It was literally getting paid to move that from there or put that up there or put that drywall up or move the plywood up to the roof. You know, so sitting and talking and getting to talk to people like you, other comedians, actors and things of that nature, way ahead of any. You know, my dreams were of an hourly rate, right? Like, could I get to $28 an hour? You know what I mean? If I could get to $30 an hour, that'd be the great. Now, there is one thing when you talk about regrets, and thank God I didn't. I think about this quite often. If you had presented me with a contract from the Devil when I was 25 and it said, sign here. You're going to work in this warehouse for your entire life, but you will make $30 an hour and you'll get three days off for Christmas and medical and dental, I would have went, I would have ripped that contract out of the devil's hands, grabbed it and laughed and signed it and threw it right back at him and said, today's good. I'm on easy street. So I do think about what I would have done back in the day to do this. I would have signed anything and done anything for 25 bucks an hour.

[Jeff Dunham]

Here's my version of that. It's slightly different. So when I moved to LA in 88, I had $4,000 to my name and a Nissan Pathfinder and a bunch of dummies in the back. An 87 Pathfinder. I drove here from Texas in 88 and there have been four surprises along the way and that I never ever, ever dreamed this would happen. And one now I gotta remember what they all are. One was arenas.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[Jeff Dunham]

Because you know, I wanted to come here and I wanted to do well in stand up comedy. And I'd done a handful of comedy clubs. I'd come out to LA just a couple of times, done the comedy Magic club, you know, Clay Lacey, sorry, Mike Lacey, little different there. Clay and Mike Lacey had said, keep on coming out and we'll put you up and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. So that, and to go. All I wanted to do was come here and be able to do what Jerry Seinfeld was doing. And that's 2,000 seat arenas or a thousand seat. I mean a theater to a thousand or two thousand seat theater. I thought that would be the epitome of all. So that. So that was one of my one surprise. The next surprise was doing an international. Oh no, sorry. Doing arenas. And then they said a tour bus. And I'm like, a bus? I'm on airplanes, why do I have to get on a bus? I didn't know what a tour bus was. So that was another one. And then another one was international shows doing shows outside the country. Who wants to do that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I gotta write this down. Rich man, poor man, traveling by a bus. Cause you're either greyhounding it to Kansas City for 40 bucks or you're on

[Jeff Dunham]

tour on a tour bus. Right. That's what I thought Greyhound was when they said you're gonna get on a bus. Now I'm like, why would I get on a plane? Why would I get on a frickin bus? I'd never seen a tour bus. And I think a lot of people out there don't understand that a tour bus is a good thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, well, all you need to know is the most successful acts do a tour bus. So it would have to be a good thing.

[Jeff Dunham]

Right. And I don't know if this is good or bad, but Lewis Black leased a tour bus for a long time. And that ended up being the one that I bought.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jeff Dunham]

And one of the drawers still smells like Lewis Black in the bathroom. It's like his aftershave, and it won't go away. Every time I open that drawer, I go, oh, my God. Lewis Black is on my bus.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there is. There is regret. I had regret this last weekend.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In a weird way. And I'll steer it back to you. Pardon the pun. Cause I know you love cars, and I know we're also got a car show coming up. The cars that drove us. And that's gonna be a discovery. March 31st. Thank you. I was watching the auctions last weekend at Amelia island in Florida, and a Lamborghini Miura SV sold for $6.6 million.

[Jeff Dunham]

I know where you're going with it.

[Adam Carolla]

I bought one for $2 million, and I sold it for, like, 2. 2. To buy a house or something. Something else. I had another. Another Lamborghini Miura S. Wait, hold on.

[Jeff Dunham]

Is the audience changing the channel right now? Because you just. Who says, you know, I could have made 6 million. I paid $2 million.

[Adam Carolla]

I always looked at SVS, and I'm like, those cars are undervalued. They're the first supercar. They're the most beautiful car ever made. And literally sold mine when I had to buy a house and get a 935 Porsche. But it was at the bottom of the market, pretty much another Miura 69S. Orange. Same one as I had. If anyone wants to see what a 69 Miura S looks like, the car that I put inside of my house was an orange 69S. Bought that car on a Saturday, went out to buy a blender, came home with a Lamborghini Mira s. Like, literally drove past, you know, Vicente's Auto, you know, Italian autos and Van Nuys. Poked my head in, saw this orange mirror. Guy said it was for sale. I was like, I gotta get a blender, but I'll be back. I didn't have the money. Figured out a way to get it anyway. It was 330 grand, and one sold last weekend for two. Five, so. Regrets? Yeah, I have a few because I had three Miuras, and I don't have any of them anymore.

[Jeff Dunham]

Once again, that's not what I'm talking about. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I know people think about, you know, disciplining their son with a belt or something, but I think in terms of murals when I think in terms of regrets. But I do love the idea that we are in a business where you can actually be better in your 60s than you were in your 40s or even 30s, which sounds weird. And it's obviously the opposite of sports. And it's funny that you grow up dreaming of playing sports, but it's over at 33.

[Jeff Dunham]

Isn't that crazy? There's guys that I look back at college, I went to Baylor and guys that were like up and coming, these huge football players and their careers were done when I was barely reaching any kind of stride. And it's been kind of satisfying.

[Adam Carolla]

It is, it's nice. And oh, and you brought up Seinfeld, which is funny because Seinfeld and I had this. Oh, and the porsche and the 935 and whatever. Well, do you love stories of myth and legend? Good. Listen up. Before Camelot and the Crown, the Pendragon cycle Rise of the Merlin tells the origin story. Watch a legend that shaped Britain in a seven episode cinematic epic. This isn't a retelling of the King Arthur story. This is the rise of the world that made Arthur possible. The Pendragon cycle Rise of the Merlin. Streaming now on Daily Wire. Plus shot across multiple international locations and years in the making, this brings myth to life. It has amazing production value, full scale battles and a sweeping original orchestral score. At its core, this is a return to classic epic storytelling. A story where faith, prophecy and sacrifice truly matter. Stream the Pendragon cycle Rise of the Merlin now only on Daily Wire.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Jeff Dunham]

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[Adam Carolla]

So I was on an episode of they Might be Drunk which is Sam Moralen, Mark Norman's show, very funny standups. And I was in New York and I taped it several weeks ago. I didn't know when it was gonna air but they pre tape them and it evidently came out last week. And my episode, which again is a month old, so something I was really thinking about and in it we were recounting, making fun, the time Seinfeld and I went to. I was at Rennsport, the biggest Porsche gathering ever at Laguna Seca. And Seinfeld had his cars there and I had my 935 Porsche there and my 935 was like 200ft from where me and Seinfeld were hanging out, looking at his cars. And I said, do you want to check out the 935? It's right over here. And he said, nah, I'm good.

[Jeff Dunham]

That's not nice.

[Adam Carolla]

It became a running joke, but I talked about it on we might be drunk, and they both know Seinfeld. And so we had a kind of a fun, you know, spirited conversation about it. But it was like 15 minutes long, right? And in the back of my mind, you know, some comedians are really. Roll with it, guys. And some are a little prickly and weirdly prickly, like thinner skin than the average guy works at a gas station. Which is kind of weird because you want to go, you're a comedian. Come on, get over it. You know, like, this is what we do. We bust balls, you know?

[Jeff Dunham]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't know Seinfeld. So I was kind of talking shit for, like, 15 minutes, and then as I left, I kind of walked out going, I wonder if he's gonna. I wonder what his take on that's gonna be, right? So I was driving into here a couple of days ago, and I'm just sitting in my car, and the phone rings, and it just says New York, right? And there's no name. And I don't know how you are with answering the phone when there's no name attached to it.

[Jeff Dunham]

I do not.

[Adam Carolla]

I normally do not. But if I see New York, I'm sort of intrigued, right? And I'm like, new York? Yeah. There's not a lot of.

[Jeff Dunham]

There's not a lot of scam calling from New York, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm writing an article. Someone's writing an article on me in some newspaper. Anyway, long story, but guy may have been in New York. I'm supposed to talk to him, right? And I don't have his thing logged, right? So I go, new York. And I start wrestling with myself, like, is this somebody I owe money to? Is this going to be a scam? It's going to be the Prince. A Persian needs some money.

[Jeff Dunham]

You know, you got five rings to

[Adam Carolla]

figure it out, right? I'm like on the third ring, and I'm like, oh, you know what? Live a little. And I just hit it, right? You know, And I go, hello. And the voice goes, Adam. I go, yeah, Jerry Seinfeld. I go, oh, hey, how are you feeling? And he goes, oh, man. I was listening to the pod. So funny. So funny. That was great.

[Jeff Dunham]

That was it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I go, oh, you thought it was funny? He Goes, oh, yeah, I loved it. I loved it.

[Jeff Dunham]

Well, it's because it was you, though.

[Adam Carolla]

He goes, I gotta come out and do something with that car. This will be funny. You know, whatever. We'll do something else. I'll come on the show. And I was like, I'll play the clip. Now. Was this. This is him with Spike, Right? Right. On Spike's show. Sorry. Yeah. I talked with Adam Carolla.

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who wanted me to see his Paul Newman 935. But it was so many people around, and there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was kind of difficult for me to maneuver. And he kept pushing me. You've got to see my 9:35. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind that will be so great? Will it be me going, wow, cool car. And then what? Then nothing. The big winter boot came down.

[Jeff Dunham]

So you said, I'll just say it now.

[Adam Carolla]

The winter boot of reality.

[Jeff Dunham]

You'll say, I'll say it now. Nice car. It's a nice car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Great. You're great. But it is weird.

[Jeff Dunham]

Isn't it kind of cool to meet another guy with a 935?

[Adam Carolla]

Look, right over there, there's a 935. I don't own that car anymore. You don't? No. That car has been sold. Sold.

[Jeff Dunham]

That was the one out at Gooding, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Jeff Dunham]

Well, we're going to get into.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so that'd be like, okay, first off, there's like. Okay, there's like, 25, 935 on the planet.

[Jeff Dunham]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's zero comedians who own a 935, except for me and Jerry Seinfeld.

[Jeff Dunham]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But it'd be like, you've got Batmobiles. And it'd be like if you said, adam, come check out my Batmobile. And I was like, yeah, I'm good, Jeff. And you're like, just walk across this path and look at my Batmobile. And then I go, yeah, we're fine. And then someone goes, adam, don't you have a Batmobile? And I go, I sold it. My excuse is I sold it last week, so I can't look at your Batmobile.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah. Because he regrets it.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, so Seinfeld, that's a mirror. But, yeah, Seinfeld thought it was funny. Well, funny. You bring that up, he'll come on and we'll talk about it.

[Jeff Dunham]

Seriously. It's like somebody had a microphone in my car talking to my manager today on my way over here, and I Said, I wonder if I should talk about this. So, Adam, I'm trying to get rid of hate in my life, and the hate in my life is for Porsche, and it's Jerry Seinfeld's fault.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa.

[Jeff Dunham]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

This is all coming together.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, it is. So this goes back to the Comedy and Magic Club in. Oh, boy. It could have been 89, 90 somewhere in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me preface this quickly by explaining to the laypeople there are car collectors, but it doesn't mean we all collect the same cars.

[Jeff Dunham]

That's correct.

[Adam Carolla]

He collects Porsches, many race cars. You do George Barra stuff? Batmobile stuff. Like, crazy stuff. I have old race cars, Newman race cars.

[Jeff Dunham]

That's what they. But I have some really nice. Did you see what I drove today? The Blackwing Le Monster. Yeah, it's the LA Monster, but it's the Blackwing Le Monster. There was only 101 of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Supercharged.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so it's like Cadillac's got some kick ass product.

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, they got some great stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not. But everybody has their own collections, their own stuff. They have proclivities. It's kind of like sex with people.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yes. And I will not put a guy down for whatever if he has something I don't like. I go, okay, that is fantastic. In your world, that is great. It's not something I would get fluffy for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Fluffy Does VW buses.

[Jeff Dunham]

Absolutely. It's great. And it's like probably the greatest collection in the world of VW buses. And you scratch your head and you go, that's what he's into. He loves it. He's passionate about it. Fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So you and Porsche.

[Jeff Dunham]

So this was when I was barely out of college. I was not a car guy. I loved cars. I grew up loving Hot Wheels. That was about it. But I had been doing car commercials in Texas before I moved. And it was a Nissan, Pontiac and Datsun dealership. Pontiac and Datsun.

[Adam Carolla]

You're doing voiceover? Doing acting.

[Jeff Dunham]

No, doing live. Doing the regional commercials. Courtesy Pontiac and Dotson, Tyler, Texas. And it would be. It would be one of those what's his name and his dog Spot. Cal Worthington. Ralph Williams was another guy in Dallas. It was Carl Westcott. All the same school kind of guy. Hey, how are y' all doing on this fine Thursday night? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they made it. Sometimes they were live, sometimes they. They made it look live. In the later years, they made it look live. So Thursday night. Hope you're enjoying the movie. Here's what we got. On the lot tonight. And they walked down the line and they got the numbers on the windshields, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

So that's what I did in Texas for two dealerships with the dummy. Oh, with the dummy, with the dummy, yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotta have a hook.

[Jeff Dunham]

But it was a Pontiac and Datsun dealership. And, you know, Datsun turned into Nissan in the. What was it, early 80s. And so I always got to drive these cars as demos for free. So I put 6,000 miles on a 78, 79 Trans Am. Great. It had been choked out that they were still fun. And I also got to drive Nissans. And so I eventually got a really good price on the Turbo second generation 300 ZX, which came out in, what, 1990, I think. V6, when they redid it. And even to this day, arguably. That's a nice vehicle.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a cool piece. It's a V6, it's a Turbo. Probably a twin turbo, I guess.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, it's twin turbo, yeah, three liter. So that's what I had. And I thought it was a great car.

[Adam Carolla]

It is, but not compared to Seinfeld.

[Jeff Dunham]

But I mean, but it was the lack of respect and the dismissal because we were sitting in the green room of the comedy magic club talking about yours.

[Adam Carolla]

This.

[Jeff Dunham]

It's gotta be 80. No, no, it's gotta be 90. Cause I just got here, right? Yeah, you gotta do it late 89. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Brand new Turbo 300 ZX. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that, by the way, a ton of car for a young man. A point of pride. Yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I'd earned it all from doing puppet shows, for God's sake. Right? So. And I was. I thought it was great. I thought it was a great car. Performance numbers were pretty good. It got respect in the reviews. I thought it was a great car. And he's talking about Porsches. I knew nothing about Porsches. I knew nothing about the rest of the world. And I go, oh, yeah, my 300JX. And he looked at me like I was an idiot. And compared to what he had, I probably was. But it was such a snooty conversation and such dismissal. And here I was, a guy doing a puppet show as the middle act of the comedy wrath.

[Adam Carolla]

Seinfeld. The same one I felt, except for I was even 10 times worse because I had a Porsche 935.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah. So ever since then, it's kind of like Leno's story about Ferrari. You know that one? Right. Well, Leno was up and coming and doing great in the world in Hollywood, and he went in the Ferrari deer dealership. And I think he'd even guest hosted a couple of times for Carson. And he says, I might not be doing this story justice, but he walks in in his typical jeans and denim shirt. Denim shirt walks in and the guy basically said, there's nothing here you can afford. And so I don't think he owns a Ferrari to this day. So it was like, it was such. And ever since.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very good point. Jay Leno owns one of everything. He doesn't have a ton of Italian cars, but he does have three Lamborghinis, two Miuras by the way, which he got for free. He got one of them for free from Dean Martin's kid. Wow. Imagine you have a car for free, you got it for free. And then you just check the Amelia island auction and the exact same car went for 2.5 four days ago. Okay, that's gotta feel good. He has a Lamborghini Espada. It's like the four seater. He does no Ferraris. He has every. It's conspicuously absent. When you go to Jay's and you look at everything under the sun, Mercedes and everything, there is no Ferrari. Right.

[Jeff Dunham]

And that's the story.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jeff Dunham]

And so ever since then I have despised Porsches and I'm trying to, to get past this because everybody else can't be wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I look at it like, you know, people are to go to line and people are racing, you know, teslas against the ZR1, the ZR1X. Right. And it's like the Teslas are winning and not the, not the 1X but the ZR1s and you know, the Corvette.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, okay.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah. And so, and it's like. And I saw somebody say this is like comparing a Casio watch to a Rolex. You got the Casio whatever, Pro Trek whatever watch. And it does everything. It's satellite controlled. It never loses a quarter of a second. It's a fantastic watch, but it's a frickin disposable digital watch, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

Whereas the Rolex. And so that's. And so this is what finally got into my head. What a fine piece of engineering and machinery and decades and decades of research and development. It's artwork in the automobile world. So I'm trying. I have a 914 and I like it because it's a Volkswagen because that was such an interesting marrying of, of the businesses there. So I'm trying to find, I need your opinion. If somebody like me was going to find a Decent Porsche and not go cuckoo crazy. What? And I've had opinions from other guys. What would you get if you were going to add one?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, first things first.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I'm gonna tell you what my buddies said and see what you say.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me. Well, don't tell me first. I'll tell you first. All right, first, let me. Yes. And your Nissan woes with Seinfeld. When you came out here and thought you're on top of the world, I too had that situation. Not with Seinfeld, but I drove trucks my whole life. Mini pickup trucks, Mazdas, Datsuns, Nissan. Later on, actually my 84 pickup truck was a Nissan, so they must have switched over to Nissan probably in 82 or 83 somewhere. So anyway, I drove trucks and Isuzu Trooper, a four banger barricade over the pass, whatever. At some point I got into show business for like 10 minutes. And I thought to myself, I want a nice car, right? No more trucks and I want air conditioning. I never had air conditioning anything. And I went to like the Nissan dealer in like Glendale and saw a cherry like two year old Nissan Maxima with leather interior, six, you know, six cylinder, automatic, in air, right?

[Jeff Dunham]

What year was it that.

[Adam Carolla]

That Nissan Maxima must have been 95 or something. It was a couple years old and it was a fine car, but it was a Nissan, you know. But for me, I got in that car, I put the air on, I put the stereo on cd, CD player, electric seats, leather, you know what I mean? Automatic.

[Jeff Dunham]

And did it talk to you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I was top of the world. I was top of the world. And we did an event for Loveline or whatever. It was on mtv and it was at the Playboy Mansion, right? And I came pulling up in my Nissan Maxima and I like got out of the car and one of the producers like rushed over to me and goes, what are you doing driving a Nissan Maxima? I go, what do you mean it's the nicest. It's the nicest car I've ever had. And he's like, oh, come on, man, you gotta get a BMW or something. You can't be pulling up at a Nissan. And I'm like, what do you mean that's the nicest car? It's only two years old, it's got six cylinders, it's got air conditioning. It's like, yeah, man, you're the star of a TV show. I was like, he Seinfelded me, right? In the Playboy Mansion. He gave me some Nissan. Shame. Like, you got Nissan, right? All Right. I'm gonna say for you. Wait, what does that mean? It means you gave a thing where it's like you didn't want to spend a million dollars on a Porsche.

[Jeff Dunham]

What can you get for 202 and a quarter million?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, there's some like first early gen turbos that are in that realm, although they're going up kind of fast. Like 76, 77, 78. You know, you can get like a 73s probably for that or E or T maybe. I think the sweet spot for Porsche, before they got a little big and water cooled and computerized and stuff. The sweet spot is like 70 to 73. Like those were driver's cars, carbureted, air cooled. Like you can hear them. They made the Porsche sound. They looked just like a Porsche, but they were kind of lean and mean and I don't know, you can look it up, look it up. What would like a 73 911s be? Even SCs are kind of nice looking cars. I'm staying away from the 928s and the 944s and the 968s. I'm staying with the 911 architecture, but I'm gonna go 72, 73. The 73 911s and I'm not sure what they're trading for now, but we can figure it out.

[Jeff Dunham]

All right, 73 911s. I'm going to write that down as Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look at it. 73 generally. 73 Porsche 911s, generally between 150 and 220. So you told me that was right in your wheelhouse. You'll never go wrong. It'll only go up in value. It's not going to be an rs, but it's a nice driver's car.

[Jeff Dunham]

So somebody like you would walk in, somebody would walk you in and go. Somebody like you would walk in and look at my stuff and go, oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Oh, yeah, the 73 911s, that's the car to get.

[Jeff Dunham]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your buddy say?

[Jeff Dunham]

Well, we were talking a little more contemporary, I guess, and he said, any of the Caymans, like a 23, 718 Cayman, the GT4?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, that's a. That's different animal we're getting from the Casio to the Rolex again, sort of in there, like you can't work on it yourself. And I know you got a shop and I know you like to gap some plugs every once in a while.

[Jeff Dunham]

Sure. So that's completely different. Ballparks, I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But also, you have an eye toward investment. And if you'd spend 175k on a car, you'd like it to be worth 250 in 10 years or whatever, that car will go up.

[Jeff Dunham]

Or in five years, if I break even, I'm happy.

[Adam Carolla]

That car will go up and you'll be fine. O'Reilly Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. If you can't figure out why your car's having an issue, and sometimes I can't figure it out, well, then my first call is always to O'Reilly. They have thousands of parts in stock and can test your battery for free. Need wiper blades. They'll help you out. Brake lights, quick fix. They'll get you the right part. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly Auto, well, they're your one stop shop for DIY auto stuff. You, you can do it in store, you can do it online. Either way, you always go with O'Reilly. Am I right? Dawson?

[Dawson]

Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

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[Adam Carolla]

I swear, if I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mindset.

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This is the mantra. Free.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Jeff Dunham]

Huzzah.

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[Jeff Dunham]

Then I will seriously consider those. And look at that. That's great. Thank you for the advice. And again, I'm just trying to lose the hate in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny. We'd rather have a hate Seinfeld story. And by the way, you, I mean, I had a Maxima. You had a twin turbo Z car.

[Jeff Dunham]

But you know what? The very first car I ever bought that the dummies paid for was a, was a Nissan Maxima.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh yeah. And it was the very first year of the Maxima, which I don't remember what that was. Would that have been early 80s? 82?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was going to say like 82. Yeah. Like early. Yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I. Oh, I know when it was.

[Adam Carolla]

81.

[Jeff Dunham]

81. Yeah. Cuz I had a girlfriend that I was engaged to in college. That's a big mistake to do that, by the way. Boys and girls don't do that that early. And I bought it because I'd been driving Z's 280 ZXs doing those commercials. And I bought the Maxima because it was practical in a family car.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a boy. Everything's just coming full circle. But I had a funny conversation with somebody who was interviewing me a couple days back, which is. And you'll get it. I'm kind of curious with people's recollections of things, you know what I mean? Very fascinated, as in the past. Kind of makes you wonder what was true from 500 years ago or even 50 years ago. Like people and their recollections. But a guy was interviewing me about my Paul Newman collection of cars. And he said. I said, well, most of them are Nissans. He said, oh, my biggest regret is in high school I could have got this Nissan, but I couldn't quite afford it and never did get it. I said, well, which one was it? And he said, it was the 210 with the T tops. Gold. I said, 210? Yeah. He goes, I'll never forget that car. I go, Nissan210 is a little shit box. And they never made a T top.

[Jeff Dunham]

But it was a Datsun 210.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, Datsun 210. I go, no, it was a 280 ZX with T tops and that's the car you wanted. He goes, I'm pretty sure it's a 210, but I'll never forget that car. I go, 210 is a little shit box that didn't come in gold. And there was never T tops. For it to be like saying T tops on a minivan or something like, no, no, it was. You're picturing a 280zx gold. Probably a 10th year anniversary edition, right?

[Jeff Dunham]

Black and gold.

[Adam Carolla]

Black and gold with T tops. And he's like, yeah, I'll never forget that car. And I go, you did forget that car. You say. You keep saying 210. 210 was a honeybee or whatever.

[Jeff Dunham]

Like a honeybee.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like a little miniature little shit box, right? And he goes by this would make me an asshole. He goes, at some point, he goes, you may be right. I go, I'm not maybe. And I don't say, I may be right. I'm 100% right. It was not a Datsun 210 with T tops. It was your dream car. It was a Z car that you couldn't. But you Know, misremembered it, by the way.

[Jeff Dunham]

I have that car. You have the Black and gold 280? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The 10th anniversary tops.

[Jeff Dunham]

Absolutely. Absolutely. It's all leather interior, and. Yeah, it's. It's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you. We're old.

[Jeff Dunham]

It's not great because it's not great. Porsche great. It's what. Okay, I've said this to you before. I love. Here's my collection. I love cars that start conversations where you walk in and somebody goes, oh, my gosh, I could. I could. With my collection, I could be the star of most car shows. Not because it's a great car, because it's a conversation starter.

[Adam Carolla]

Give us your top five in your collection that you cherish the most.

[Jeff Dunham]

That I cherish the most or the ones that I think people just stop and stare.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop and stare.

[Jeff Dunham]

Okay. The craziest one, I don't know if you guys can look it up or not, but it's called the. I just got this one a few months ago. But, you know, I used to take in the. The Keaton Batmobile. If I had to get rid of every other car, the Keaton Batmobile will be the one that I would keep because we put a lot into it, and it's just. That's. To me, that's just an awesome. Because these guys designed this thing in such a short time. So many. Oh, by the way, on my television show that's coming out March 31st on Discovery, that's one of the episodes is the Keaton Batmobile. And just the development. That thing, it's just such a beautiful. And, you know, all sculpted. There was no computers involved. It was all hand sculpted. Yeah, it's all clay, and it's. And it's so. It's asymmetrical. When you look at it, it's like nothing's even Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jeff Dunham]

It's so great. All molds and fiberglass. Fantastic. So that's one of them. That would be the. That would be the one that people gathered around. That one in the 66 Batmobile. Those two, arguably, you know, great. But the one that we just had, the 66.

[Adam Carolla]

A replica.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, it's a replica, but it's a really good replica. There are some that you go, that's not the. But this one is actually from the molds of the original Futura.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so it's got George Barris.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yep, Yep, Exactly. But this one, and I had to talk Leno into this on doing the episode. It's a Humvee that these guys took and Rat Rodded it out. And I'm not a rat rod guy, but they rat roded it out and slammed it. And this thing is the craziest, biggest attention getter you've ever had.

[Adam Carolla]

What year Humvee was it?

[Jeff Dunham]

It was a Humvee, not a Hummer. So it was a military. It was an 87.

[Adam Carolla]

So it was an actual one.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, an actual military one that they. They rat rotted out. And it's. If you look it up, just go, jeff Dunham and Jay Leno, Hummer, Humvee. And it'll show up. And so, but, but again, back to the conversations you can take, or the, you know, the Ford GT. What is it, 19? Where you had to beg and plead and please, can you please take my money? And here's my videotape and here's my

[Adam Carolla]

social media footprint for the 2016 one. Or 17.

[Jeff Dunham]

Was 17, whatever it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's been. It's all a blur now, but yes. The second gen or the third gen. Amazing car.

[Jeff Dunham]

Unbelievably great car. So that's the Hum Beast right there. That's me driving with Leno.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, it's nuts. And everything is custom done on that thing and it draws a crowd no matter what. No matter what race or gender or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, you guys were out filming at Burbank with that. Yeah, I think I've seen that.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah. Because it's not street legal.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Why would it be?

[Jeff Dunham]

And this is what Leonardo said. I thought it wasn't street legal. Mainly because of the width. And he goes, no, you're not going to get pulled over for the width. You're going to get pulled over for no fenders.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right, yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

Again, back to the conversations. So there's a really good. I have a really great Pacer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I'm telling you, you take that to a car show and it lights up people's faces and everybody has a conversation that they grew up with somebody that had one down the street or they had one. It was the family car. And it's just kind of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree. I think, you know, when you talk about Leno, Leno's criteria for his collection is everything has to have a story. You know, he just loves the story. You know, the thing that's great about Leno is when you go into his garage, you'll walk right past the McLaren F1, the 93 or 94. That's worth 25 million bucks.

[Jeff Dunham]

Right. It's a center seat and then passengers on either side of the driver. Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know, he paid 800 grand for it or whatever. It's 25 million.

[Jeff Dunham]

And they told him it was crazy at the time that he did.

[Adam Carolla]

You walk right past all of that stuff to this weird little three wheel, four had a little like moped motor in it and it was probably two stroke. And he tells the story about the guy in the Midwest who, him and his dad built this thing out of junked parts so he could drive it across the country. And. And he loves that story. He loves. And it's the least valuable thing in his shop, but it's the most valuable to him because of the story behind it.

[Jeff Dunham]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, and just, I don't know, maybe just after World War II and this guy and his dad go to a junkyard and they start Frankensteining stuff together. And the next thing you know, the guy, it's like a little postal cart or whatever and he drives across the country. The son does when he's like 18. I mean, it's just. By the way, it also speaks of America where you could do stuff like that. Back then we lived in a simpler time. And also when a dad would let his son even attempt anything, you know what I mean? Now it's like, all right, son, no phone, no way. Send me a postcard when you get to Oregon.

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, I know. I have twin boys that are 10 years old and even raising them right now, compared to my daughters who are now grown women, it is a different, terrifying time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it bothers me that everyone is so safety oriented. I don't think it's a step toward the light. Like, I don't think it's a plus. I don't like it when people start saying, like, have a safe day. Have a safe. You know, like it sounds so weird. Like I kind of get back in the day when you're on the phone with someone and you're like going to the airport and you go, I gotta jump off. Cause I'm going through security. And they go, okay, have a safe flight. Like, oh, okay, fine. But when you're at Starbucks and they hand you a bagel and they go, have a safe day. Like, what do you think? I'm gonna choke on this bagel. Let's stop talking about safety so much. It prevents people from doing a lot of important things.

[Jeff Dunham]

I got a quick story for you. Yes. So one of my sons is just from the age 7, begging for the VR headset. Right? Begging for it. Begging for it. No, there's not enough research. It's dangerous for kids minds and for their Brains. We don't know about development. They haven't been long enough. No, no, no, no, no. Well, what age? Well, I've looked it up. Probably not till 14. No, dad, it's 10. It's not 10. It is 10. And of course he looks it up and he finds the survey or the, you know, the research that says 10 year olds are fine if they do it short time. So his 10th birthday, he gets the VR headset, and we limit it to 20 minutes a day, right? So that's it. So he has me in his game. He wants me to play this game with him. So I got a VR headset too. It's called Ugg. And Ugg is basically, you're in dinosaur times and it's like spongebob's world, that kind of animation, and you're walking around cracking eggs and doing all this. He goes, let me show you how to do everything. So he and one of his friends gets on. It's me, and we're in this virtual world and I'm just kind of walking around. And you have to give a code to the other guy to get in a private, private server. So there's no other kids with you. And it's all little kids playing this game, right? So. And I've told them over and over again, do not give out personal information. They know, do not tell what school you go to. Do not give out your real names. Don't tell anybody anything. And they know this. So I'm playing this game with them, I'm not saying anything. And we're walking around, and all of a sudden we hear this kid go, can I play with you? And I'm like, oh, who's this? And again, I haven't said anything. And so my son and the other friend, they just keep playing. And a few minutes later, we hear the voice again, can I play with you guys? I'm like, what is this? And the other friend, my son's friend goes, what's your name? And the kid goes, bob. Like, and again, I'm staying completely quiet. And the other friend goes, yeah, you can play with this. I'm like, all right, just gonna let him play with this. So I'm here, so this is interesting. So my son and the other kid and the other kid are playing around, and then my son says to me, he calls me by my name. He calls me, not my real name, the fake name, Clive is the video game. He goes, clive, do you understand everything so far? And I went, yeah, I pretty much got it. And it was dead silence. And finally Bob goes, why is that kid's voice so low?

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Jesus.

[Jeff Dunham]

And then suddenly Bob was gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I don't know what it was, but it was creepy.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you. I was thinking about this. Your act is so much energy and like comedians kind of, you know, sometimes if you're doing two shows a night and I guess you're doing a lot of big arenas and stuff like that, so you don't really get the two show thing going.

[Jeff Dunham]

No, we do. And my shows are two, two and a half hours long.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a lot like sometimes I'll go, eh, for the second show I'm just gonna mix it up and do some different stuff or whatever, just so I don't get bored or whatever. But you doing both voices, two and a half hours physical, like on your feet, it just, it seems like a lot. If you ever get up that morning and just go, I'm not really feeling it.

[Jeff Dunham]

Well, of course. And when you've flown across the country and it's like gotten no sleep and all that, it's just, I've just done it for so long and you know, I try and keep the shows at two hours because once you go over two hours it starts to be too long.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jeff Dunham]

But I also, I've done that math and I think I've told you this before. You know, coming up in the comedy club world, it was always the number one deal back in the 80s and 90s was to get on the Tonight show with Johnny Carson. That was it. Once you get on the Tonight show and you've done well as a stand up, your career is off and running. Right, Right. So that was my goal when I moved out here in 88. What was my goal when I graduated from college in 1980? I gave myself 10 years to get on the Tonight show with Carson.

[Adam Carolla]

And so you really set rules and goals.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, that was it. And I didn't have any backup plan. I didn't have another job. That was it. That's all I've ever done. Started with book reports and then cub scout banquets and shows at church and Kiwanis clubs. So I started doing corporate stuff long before I got into the comedy clubs. So yeah, when I graduated from high school, 10 years. And long story short, it was a long 10 years because Jim McCauley turned me down eight times. You're not ready. You're not. Why am I not ready? From the, the guy who booked the Tonight Show. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Would they go out and see you?

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, you come out and see me at all the clubs. And the worst one was I moved out here in 88, in summer of 88. Macaulay had already turned me down three times before that. But I moved out here and In December of 88, he came and saw me at the Comedy Magic Club. And he said, you're great, you're ready, Fantastic, great, let me book you. I was in the TV guide. I bought the $2,000 suit, told the whole family ready to go. He said, let me come see you the night before your tape and make sure if there's any little details that we want to change, we're just going to make sure we get it right for Johnny. Great. So he came to the Comedy Magic Club. Roseanne Barr was in there getting ready for her next set for the Tonight Show. For the Tonight Show, Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's like, is that your 300zx

[Jeff Dunham]

you can't be on? So he comes in and a little bit ways through my set, it's not going as well as it did before, but I'm doing my material and I walked off stage and Roseanne was backstage. I goes, where's Jim? She goes, oh, he left. I'm like, he left. She goes, oh, don't worry. He loved it. Everything will be fine. Roseanne was as nice to me as she could have been anybody. She was just a sweetheart. So I don't know who that other person is.

[Adam Carolla]

So you figured, well, he saw your act and he didn't hang around to talk to you afterward.

[Jeff Dunham]

I didn't have a good spidey sense about this. I'm like, why would he leave and not give me any notes? So I call him the next morning and again, I was supposed to be on that night. It was December of 88. And he gets on the phone and he goes, jeff, I'm just, I'm really sorry, I made a mistake. You're not ready.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Jeff Dunham]

I said, really? And he goes, let me tell you one thing about being on the Tonight show with Johnny Carson. It's better to be five years late than one day early. Let's get this right. And I said, so I still have a shot. He goes, of course you still have a shot. Just work on it. And so I worked on it for the next couple years and then finally In April of 1990, two months before my ten year goal, I finally got on. It was a Friday night. Bob Hope, B.B. king, me, Johnny Carson. And it was. That was one of those nights. B.B.

[Adam Carolla]

king, Bob Hope and me. That's so on a Friday night, it's also see a Lot of stuff in life is sort of luck of the draw because you can be on with whoever's the hot starlet from 90210 and it's fine. But when you're telling your kids 30 years from now, they don't really care who that person is or know who that person is, you know? Yeah, the first time I did Letterman, James Brown, that's great. Which is fine because like, I think the second time I did Letterman, it was like Daphne Zuniga or something was the lead guest or something. Which isn't great because if I say to my kid, hey, guess what? You know, Daphne? Like, they don't know, they don't care. But at the time, they're just booking whoever's hot, you know? But so.

[Jeff Dunham]

Well, let me tell you this one.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's right under the 10 year mark, which I had to. Not with that, but with show business. And how was it?

[Jeff Dunham]

I look back at the tape now and I kind of cringe.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Jeff Dunham]

But in that moment in time, it was great.

[Adam Carolla]

It was great.

[Jeff Dunham]

Couldn't have gone any better. Yeah. For that bit that I was.

[Adam Carolla]

And are you great you waited? Are you glad you waited?

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, it was the per. I use that, that, that saying for everything now. It's better to be five years late than one day early.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jeff Dunham]

There's so much wisdom in that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I agree.

[Jeff Dunham]

And so, yeah, it could not have gone any better. And I, you know, again. But. And I ended up being on five times and it was, it was, it was great. But one of the times. So do you remember when Carson's son died? He was a photographer and he accidentally drove off a cliff and died.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember that story.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah. So Carson's son died and they canceled two weeks of shows. So he was off the cliff.

[Adam Carolla]

What year was that?

[Jeff Dunham]

That would have been, I'm guessing 91.

[Adam Carolla]

Look that up. I'm curious.

[Jeff Dunham]

So Jim McCauley at Two Weeks Booker. Yeah, the booker. He calls me, says, I need you to do Johnny a favor. I'm like, what's that? He goes, he's gonna do a photographic tribute to his son of some of the pictures that he's taken. But if Johnny doesn't feel it and bails on doing that, I need you to be stand up that night. I'm like, two weeks of Johnny off the air. This is the first night he's back. So McCauley's asking me to come in and do my set, but after his son has died. Carson's son has died for that Audience after Carson's come out and done, basically, a soliloquy to his son. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

June 91.

[Jeff Dunham]

There you go. So I'm in the makeup chair, praying to the Almighty, dear God, that Carson doesn't bail on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

On that slideshow.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it.

[Jeff Dunham]

And Macaulay comes in. I'm halfway through makeup, and he goes, I got some good news. I go, what? He goes, carson's gonna do this. You don't have to. You don't have to do your set. I'm like, oh, thank you. And I ripped off that bib and was out of there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I remember probably, maybe it was doing Letterman, but they used to bump people all the time.

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy got bumped the first. I swear, this is a memory. I gotta check with Jimmy. But Jimmy, the first time he did Letterman, he had this whole bit where he had a Letterman. Jimmy was a huge Letterman fan growing up and literally had, like, a vanity plate on his Isuzu Trooper that said, like, Late show on it or something. He had, like, a Letterman cake for his 16th birthday. Had the bomber jacket and everything, the Letterman jacket. And the first time he was supposed to do Letterman, he was, you know, thrilled, nervous was crazy. And he had a bit where he got a giant Letterman tattoo, like, on his back. And I think the bit was like, he was gonna go out there and he was gonna go, you know, Dave, you know, I'm such a fan. So far back and all that kind of stuff, and you don't even know any of us. Gonna take his shirt off and go. I had a. And I think he'd had a professional artist, like, henna tattoo or something. A giant letterman on either his chest or his back. And they did it. Two hours worth of that, and then sitting in the dressing room and last second gets bumped, and now he just flies out to New York. It's the culmination of all his dreams come true. He's going to be on his Idols TV show. He did the whole tattoo business sitting there in that dressing room.

[Jeff Dunham]

We're sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

And he gets bumped. And that's just the way they do it. They'd fly out first class, and they would bump you. I remember, I think the first time I did Letterman, I have a bad attitude about certain things. No, I have a F student kind of mentality about stuff. And it's like, I was just sitting in the dressing room and I was like. I wouldn't say I was a bundle of nerves, but I watched Letterman. It was surreal that I would go on and sit next To David Letterman. It's surreal. And I was just sitting. It was before Jimmy did it. So it was like, crazy. I was like, you're the first person anyone knows has done Letterman. And I was sitting in the green room or my dressing room, and the manager or something opened the door and he just went like, adam, I got some news. And I was like, oh, yes, I've been bumped. At that point, I was like a prize fighter. And I just wanted to hear the other guy roll this ankle, climbing into the ring or something. I wanted to do it. I wanted to kick ass. I felt I could win the fight.

[Jeff Dunham]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

But all I wanted to hear at that point is, that guy hurt himself. We can't fight Scassel. I was like, please. And he was like, whatever it was, it wasn't any of that. It was like, come on. And then the thing. That's crazy. Oh, you have a picture of Jimmy with David Letterman's face on his belly.

[Jeff Dunham]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That's horrible.

[Jeff Dunham]

That's horrible. For so many reasons.

[Adam Carolla]

That's horrible. All right. Wow. Now I gotta check with Jimmy. Cause this is probably when he went back. I think he did it again. Cause I think he got bumped the first.

[Jeff Dunham]

This was November 1999.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta send Jimmy a text.

[Jeff Dunham]

That's terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

It's terrible. But the thing that was always funny, and I always thought they shouldn't do it. Clock, please, Andrew. The thing I always thought was weird is Biff Henderson was the stage manager, right? And he was on camera all the time. He was like a big part of the show, but he was also the stage manager. And so the first time I did Letterman, I was just standing backstage. Wait, you know, they do that. We'll pull the curtain, you come out, go to Dave's. Right? Step over the thing. Watch your foot. You know, watch a step. Watch your riser. Go and say hi to Dave, then sit down. But it's Biff Henderson standing there. And he's like, I'm looking at him, he's looking at me. He's like, you gotta go. I'm going, you're Biff Henderson. Yeah, but you gotta go out on stage. And I'm like, well, can I get an autograph? Wildly distracting because he was a star who was pulling the curtain for me. But I don't know what it was like. All it did was completely suck me out of this moment. I was just looking at Biff the whole time.

[Jeff Dunham]

So those moments that you cannot relive, cannot explain to people. But I remember to this day, standing at that curtain Hearing Doc Severinsson play the band and hearing Johnny Carson introduce me muffled because I'm behind the curtain, that moment is just like. It's a life changer.

[Adam Carolla]

I will say this to two people. You should try to collect as many of those moments as you can. And they're not always the Tonight Show. There's always different versions of that, but there is a version of pulling that curtain where you're just standing there for that. For that moment in time, and you're just like. You know, when I did Dancing with the Stars, they're like now dancing the Roomba, Adam Carolla. It's like. It's that one moment where you're just sitting there and you're just like, holy. Right? Like, those weird moments, it's a kind of a green flag drops moment. Like, the race starts.

[Jeff Dunham]

I still, every night. Still, every night right before I walk on stage, there's that little bit, tiny bit of terror. I'm so used to it. I've done it so many times, but it's just. It's not terror. It's like when you're at the very top of that roller coaster and, you know there is nothing you can do to get off or stop this thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jeff Dunham]

You know, it's like when I hear my name being introduced by myself, you know, one of the characters is introducing me on tape. It's just that rollercoaster moment of, holy shit, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

You build all the puppets?

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, I build all the dummies. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Witches are the dummies. Sorry. I don't care where they go, but you cast them. I mean, there's a lot there. Yeah, yeah.

[Jeff Dunham]

There's not many guys that do this for a living that also do that. You have to have somebody else to do that. Because it's engineering. There's the artwork, there's the technical aspect of it. And so, yeah, you got to sculpt it. And I still do it the old school way, sculpt it out of clay. But now I 3D scan it and then print the head, the shell. But then you got to install all the mechanics. And I'm pretty proud of myself. Those things have lasted for decades.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No shade for Carrot Top, but he makes his own props. But taking a Barbie and stapling it to a 2x4 and going, Baby on

[Dawson]

board,

[Adam Carolla]

not that difficult to do.

[Jeff Dunham]

It still gets a laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

It gets a laugh, but he can do it. Anyone can do that. You got eyeballs moving. You got so much fun.

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, I forgot my whole point of what I was talking about building the set, doing the Tonight Shows. So my whole career was built on trying to build that five minute set, right? You know what I mean? And I put a stopwatch to it that when a stand up was on a late night show, if he was getting a laugh every 15 seconds, he was dying. Really, you had to get a laugh every six to 10 seconds or you died.

[Adam Carolla]

So you broke it down sort of mechanically, mathematically.

[Jeff Dunham]

And so I started building all my sets so I would get a laugh every six to 10 seconds. And so that's how my act is now. I do it the same way. It's the old school way of set up punch, set up punch, setup punch. But at least I have two guys on stage that can do that easily. And so I think that's why my 15 minutes has lasted so many decades, is because it's two guys on stage and there's drama and there's tension and there's action and reaction. And so I think it makes it interesting for the audience. And then I can change up characters and go, you don't like that? Well, then how about this? And it's a whole different conversation and a whole different point of view. But I think that formula of making that audience dead tired from laughing for two hours is a real key to making people want to come back again.

[Adam Carolla]

How is, you know, comedy has its ebbs and its flows. It's kind of like music, you know, there's glam rock and then that kind of gives way to grunge, right? So it's like right at the later 80s with the guys with the Aquanet and the eyeliner. And then all of a sudden, here comes Nirvana. The opposite of that, you know, and there's ebbs and there's flows and I've said, like with carrot tops, Weirdly, Carrot Top was like sort of a punchline for comedians in that he wasn't a true comedian, he was a prop comedian. And now, welcome to my world, he's hung around long enough to come around and now he's kind of an. I don't want to say an elder statesman, but like, people are revered. It's the same thing I would say about Ringo Starr. Everyone's like, Ringo Starr, you know, if you're the worst guy on the basketball team, you're the Ringo of the basketball team. And now everyone's like, he's a really good drummer, you know, And I'm like, what happened to making fun of Ringo Starr?

[Jeff Dunham]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But you're not Carrot Top. But you're also not Seinfeld.

[Jeff Dunham]

Well, but I had to fight that battle, though. I was always a prop. Oh, of course. It was like I wasn't a real comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I get it. I get. Comedians are total snobs and they're looking for any excuse to say, that guy's not really one of us.

[Jeff Dunham]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, so. And anytime you walk out on stage with anything other than a glass of water, you're not one of us, I guess is what I'm saying. But have you felt it morph or change over the years?

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah, that changed. And by the way, Carrot Top is in Vegas. And I'm sorry, the show is hilarious. It is laugh out loud funny. And the timing of everything is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

And ring us a great drum.

[Jeff Dunham]

Absolutely. And it's a great interview too, which is really nice.

[Adam Carolla]

So,

[Jeff Dunham]

yeah, what's really. And I was gonna say this to you earlier. So when I used to come in here, I used to bring a dummy. Oh, yeah. And every. Every. And it was those 18, 20 years of doing comedy clubs, you know, and people don't know this, but when you were booked in a comedy club for five or six nights, you. And you were a headliner, you had to go do press. And that was radio. The radio press. So you'd get there on a.

[Adam Carolla]

On a.

[Jeff Dunham]

On a get up on a Thursday morning, and flying to the east coast was a bear and get up and literally 6, 7, at least 4, 5, 6 radio shows on the morning radio

[Adam Carolla]

shows, club owner pick you up in the world.

[Jeff Dunham]

And what do you. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And what's worse than having to do that? Than having to walk into a studio carrying a dummy?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right.

[Jeff Dunham]

On radio.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I learned when I did that. And it would not work with you because you were one of those guys who would rather just carry on a conversation. And you don't want to have to play, oh, my gosh, I got to sit here and talk to a dummy and pretend I'm entertained. Right. And so. And I always preferred that. That I could just carry on a conversation and not have to do my act. But what I used to do for those radio shows that dreaded me was I would just walk in. I go, they go, what do you want us to set a. Set you up somehow? Everybody wants to ask you. I'm like, no, just say hi. And then I would just take it from there. And then Walter would just do a rant. Walter, my character, the old guy, would just do a rant on whatever was going on in the world that day. All current topic Stuff and then make fun of those guys. And eventually I developed many great relationships around the country from doing it that way. But, man, was that a pain in the neck.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fun. Interesting. I've done that. Of course. It's funny. You know what you should do? I'm just gonna put this out to everybody. Whenever you pick up someone in your car, especially if it's early in the morning, you need to d you yourself from that car. Like, I shouldn't climb into that car and know everything about, like, what brand you smoke, you know, what you like. Country, like modern country, you know, there's so much going on in that car. When they pick you up at 6am, I like just a. I want, I want to. I don't want to know what your proclivities are. I don't want to know what your personal habits are. To me, it's like, I want you to drive that car off the showroom lot. Like when those club owners pick you up at 6am and you climb in a car, you're like, I know everything. By the way, can you first inhale? And I know everything about you.

[Jeff Dunham]

Can you name everything in your car that you drove here today?

[Adam Carolla]

Everything that's floating around in the car,

[Jeff Dunham]

everything that did not come with the car, I mean, is your. Cause. Here's my deal. And I've taught my kids this that I would use in college. I would judge a girl by the trunk of her car in her back seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, gotta have a tight ass.

[Jeff Dunham]

Well, that's not what I meant. I gotcha. But if it was a filthy mess, I knew that girl. And if it was her closet. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Your car is basically your room on wheels, and your room on wheels. And your room is essentially your mind. So the people who would not feel comfortable, like most people, if you went, I'm just gonna go to your house, I'm gonna go up to your bedroom. They go, no, no, no, no, no. You gotta give me a minute. I gotta straighten up a few things like that. There's people who treat their cars like it is their bedroom and they're just driving around and you go, this is embarrassing. I can see you're chaotic. I can see you don't have your shit together. There's fast food wrappers on the dash. Or conversely, there's every dot, every I is dotted, every T is crossed person. But you can learn a lot.

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, yeah. When I park a car in the driveway and walk in for the night, there's nothing in that car. I could sell that car Right then and there. And nobody would find anything in that car that had to do with me except the registration. That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you're meticulous, and I think that's part of the mechanical part of your world. And I think it's a good thing. I think, A, that keeps you sane. Going down to the shop and molding stuff and problem solving. It keeps you sane. And then, B, I think it makes you more connected to the prop or to the dummy, essentially, like you built it. Who knows this? You know, it's like playing a baseball game every once in a while where you gotta borrow someone else's mitt. You're like, I don't know.

[Jeff Dunham]

That doesn't work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, it'll work, but it's not gonna work. Like you broke it in with your own mink oil.

[Jeff Dunham]

I have that problem thinking that I can't remember Anamorpha, whatever it's called, where you think that things are alive, that they have feelings.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Jeff Dunham]

And I think it's because I actually talk to those things and they talk back to me. But, yeah, I do have.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a primoris size, I think.

[Jeff Dunham]

Is that it?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah. But here's an example. When I get a pound of coffee beans, I will not let one coffee bean go to waste.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah?

[Jeff Dunham]

Why? Because that coffee bean has been on a journey.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Listen, let me tell you something here, Jeff. I am 100% with you, and I'm wildly insulted when people go, Adam's so cheap if the bean falls on the ground. No.

[Jeff Dunham]

Oh, really?

[Rudy Pavage]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Not cheap. Not cheap. Right? Not cheap. I just. I agree. That thing started being picked by Juan Valdez in the hills of Columbia, made its way down to the port of call, got on a ship, sailed across the ocean, went through the Panama Canal, ended up at a Trader Joe's, and is now on your kitchen island. And that bean, if that bean could talk, what a story it would tell. And I'm with you. I can't just chuck it. I feel the same way about anything that used to be alive. People eat, like, half a steak, and they're like, I'm done with the steak. They start throwing it away. I'm like, no, no. That's Something gave its life for that. And the journey of that is right up there with the bean.

[Jeff Dunham]

Can I tell you another one? Sometimes I love antiques. We have a grandfather clock that was built in 1743, so it's older than our country, and I have to wind it once a week, and it Fascinates me to think that there has been another guy or another woman or men and women throughout the decades and centuries that have had to wind that clock just like me once a week.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's complaining. And by the way, while they're whining it, they're going, kids these days, it's 1811. And they said your son was going to wind this, but he didn't do it. He's got his leather VR goggles on.

[Jeff Dunham]

But to think about that, that clock, when it was finished, was loaded on a cart and taken to the first owner by a horse.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Crazy. Yeah, I agree. But I do think, I think in a world where everything is fast and it's all free and it's all brought to your door and everything's digital, these are little sanity games that you must play with yourself. Just little ways to keep you sane, keep you occupied. Go down to the shop, go do it yourself. Go wash your own car, go wind your own clock. Think about others who came before you and sort of get some perspective.

[Jeff Dunham]

Conversely, you take these people that are so entitled, you go, how did you get to that point that you don't think you have to wipe your own ass? You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Jeff Dunham]

Those are the folks that drive me absolutely nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Jeff's. Well, there's dates all over the place. Artificial intelligence, that's the tour date. A tour name a website. Jeffdunham.com is where you go. And then the cars that drove us, that'll premiere March, March 31st on Discovery. Take a quick break. Rudy's doing the news right after this. Ethos. When you bring a child into the world, your perspective changes overnight. I carry a lot of responsibility in my household, so if there's something were to happen to me, well, there are going to be real consequences. And that's why I'm glad I found out about Ethos. Ethos makes getting life insurance fast and easy, 100% online. You can get a quote in seconds, apply in minutes and get same day coverage. You can get up to 3 million in coverage. Some policies are as low as 30 bucks a month. Look, you're an adult now. You have a family. It's time to be responsible. It's time to get Ethos. Go online and see what you can get done today with Ethos. Right, Dawson.

[Dawson]

Protect your family with life insurance through Ethos. Get your free quote in [e-mail] Adam that's E-T-H O S.com Adamethos.com Adam application times and rates May vary hymns.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it sucks when your hair starts to thin and I've watched a lot of dudes go through it. Himss makes it really simple to feel like yourself again. I just signed up for these guys because I notice a little thin and up top. I'm getting old. Yeah. They got a range of prescription meds including chews, oral medication, serums and sprays. Dr. Trusted ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. It's super convenient with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. Their website is the digital front door that gets you back to your old self. It's hims. Right, Dawson.

[Dawson]

For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss and more, visit hims.com Adam that's hims.com for your free online visit hims.com Adam Featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Yo, Corolla, P.J.

[Dawson]

up in Sacramento, you keep talking about

[Adam Carolla]

your hyper vigilance, but then I'm watching

[Dawson]

you on YouTube and the two screens

[Adam Carolla]

behind you I believe are about an inch and a quarter off from height. Grab Dawson. Throw a level on. That is the angle. Maybe I'm wrong. If I'm not, send me some tickets or something. Thanks. Get it on.

[Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

He said inch and a half off in height.

[Rudy Pavage]

Height.

[Adam Carolla]

Then he talked about it being plumb and level.

[Rudy Pavage]

Yeah, so? So I brought this up to Chuck. The one that is directly behind you, it looks like it's a little tilted. It looks like it's a little off. But the reason why it looks a little off, we figured this out is because the shadow that it casts underneath the television makes it look a little off. So we've had conversations about this. I think what he meant is the height of these two right here. Maybe one's just a little bit higher than the other. But just eyeballing it, it looks pretty even. I mean, maybe the center one's a little higher.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'd go get a tape and throw it on there. Rudy knows when things aren't plum. I framed a picture he gave me and it Was a little off filter. He pointed it out. Rightfully so. I deserved it.

[Rudy Pavage]

Little hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what do we got out there in the news?

[Rudy Pavage]

All right, well, I'm sure you got some opinions about this. Governor Gavin Newsom has helped to funnel more than $4.4 million in donations from organizations and powerful figures to a political nonprofit created by his spouse, Jennifer Siebel Newsom. An analysis by the Post found. Turns out that the California Partners Project, a nonprofit launched by siebel newsom in 2020 to promote gender equality, has raked in a significant amount of cash from donors at the request of her hubby, thanks to a murky loophole.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Murky loopholes. The worst porn name ever. Oh, yeah. Gross. Okay, look. Here's what we're dealing with, everyone. You make up a problem, like gender dysphoria, gender confusion, you know, whatever. And then you give yourself a euphemistic title like Hope Street Unlimited or something. Then you go about to fix the problem, except for the problem doesn't exist and the problem's invisible, so it can never be fixed, but you can't chart whether it was fixed or not. When your transmission is bad, it either gets fixed or doesn't get fixed, but you know it. When it's just this sort of murky world of kids and sexuality and gender and confusion and positivity, who the fuck knows when the transmission ever gets fixed? Mechanical stuff. Everyone. You notice how all shouldn't say all. Most of the grift is invisible bullshit. Like, well, he's on the spectrum of autism or whatever this stuff is. It's not. Not so much building a bridge. The thing about a project, like, hey, I'm a corrupt politician, you're a corrupt contractor, and we need to build a mile on the 405, okay, what's the cost? What's the overrun? What's the subcontractors? But at some point, we can track something back to something and go, look, we put in a billion dollars. There's nothing. I don't see anything. You know, like, you. You can't do that when you're talking about remodeling someone's house. You can't just go, keep giving me money. It's an ongoing problem. You're not an expert. I'm an expert. I'm gonna get other experts. I'm gonna talk to them. It's like the fucking house is either getting remodeled or it's not being remodeled, but the invisible shit about getting to kids young and giving them a head start and teaching about their gender dysphoria. It's all fucking invisible. So we can just keep funneling money toward you. You can keep making retarded documentaries that, by the way, would have no value on the open market unless some of your crony friends forced them into the classroom and then became part of the curriculum. And then the school teachers unions get bigger and everyone gets more bureaucracy, more powerful, more whatever. More people getting paid and it's all. I'll tell you the part that pisses me off about it the most. At least the guy who's building the bridge or putting the second story on the 405 freeway is not, not celebrated at women's lunches and shit like that. They have to give her the fucking hero awards and the woman of the whatever and the fucking ladies who lunch and the Hollywood bullshit elite have to come out and celebrate these people for what? Poisoning your kid's brain, Scrambling their fucking head? She makes documentaries, she's a director, writer, producer. Sexualizing how media sexualizing and limited portrayals of women contribute to their underrepresentation. Meanwhile being hot blonde and sucking off Weinstein to get ahead. You know what I mean? Like you. You of all people is gonna be the order and narrate the this thing. You who is dying your hair, getting Botox and working with the physical trainers to remain slim, you're going to then talk to the roly poly Latina chick and explain to her that she shouldn't be judged on her appearance. Jesus Christ.

[Rudy Pavage]

Yeah, for the longest time it was always, you can never get ahead in this society. And it's like you're being told that by people who have gotten ahead in this society, they're the ones, they got up the ladder. How the hell they do it? Why are you telling me that? I can't. And also a lot of this shit is meant to be confusing because for the longest time, bipoc. That word, bipoc. I thought they recreated Tupac.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought that was a Korean band. I don't know what the fuck any of this stuff is. And that's what they do, they make up words. They make up invisible problems. And then you have to pay them to solve an invisible problem that never gets fixed because it's invisible and never was a problem versus the transmission or the bridge or the roof that leaks, which people start complaining. Yeah, you know, like anyone who's ever had a problem with their car will go, jesus Christ, take it to the dealer. Four fucking times I spent four grand on this shit. It's been back and forth to the dealer and I still, you know, they're like. Like it's all nuts and bolts. Or you can just give out $10 billion to the leaning center and fuck it, no one even knows what's going on. Autism, whatever. On the spectrum, bullshit.

[Rudy Pavage]

Hang a television a quarter of an inch off, some guy's gotta give you

[Adam Carolla]

shit, Everyone turns into fucking Bob Vila. That's right. Yeah. So she, by the way, just so people need to know who she is, she's also the first partner. She's not the first lady of the first governor or whatever. She's the first fucking partner. By the deep leg crosser and wild pussy Gavin Newsom. She meets Harvey Weinstein in the Toronto International Film Festival in 05 and then accused him of raping her that year when they met at the Beverly Hotel. Beverly Hills Hotel. What is she doing? Why does she need to do all this stuff? What about the children? What about the children? Bitch? What are you doing in Toronto? Hanging around with Weinstein and then heading over to the Beverly Hills Hotel to hang out with Weinstein. What about the children who are confused about their sexuality? Who's gonna straighten them out? Someone who's fucking Weinstein is gonna tell them how to straighten out their gender

[Rudy Pavage]

confusion, put a tape on them, straighten them out.

[Adam Carolla]

So then later on, she reaches out to Weinstein after he raped her and is seeking career advice and asking how to handle bad press. So she's quite the role model. I'd like her to be the nanny of my children so she could explain their sexuality. I don't know. I'd like some of her sexuality explained to me. So this fucking and this grotesque ape rapes you in Beverly Hills, and then a year later you're sending him an email asking for advice like he's your publicist. That seems sexually a little confused to me.

[Jeff Dunham]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavage]

You know how many times around this building I've had my thigh rubbed by guys that are behind the scenes? And then I ask them, how do I write this joke? You know, how many times?

[Adam Carolla]

Many.

[Rudy Pavage]

So many.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so anyway, she's. But here's the point. Point. It's all just grift. It's all bullshit. It's everything. Okay, let me explain something. Donald Trump, people like and people hate. But I'll tell you one thing. Donald Trump doesn't pretend to be poor, and he doesn't pretend not to make deals, and he doesn't pretend his name is on the building and it's 30 foot tall. And you can like it or you can hate it, but he doesn't Pretend Gavin Newsom does this. Aw, shucks. Grew up eating Mac and cheese on the wrong side of the tracks. Nothing special. I'm for the little man. I'm for the brown man. I'm for the black man. I'm here to a crusader for injustice. Meanwhile, you married a fucking Barbie doll, she's sucking off wine stains, and you're going to the fucking French Laundry. That's hypocritical.

[Rudy Pavage]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Now listen, I'm rich. I like going out to expensive restaurants and racing cars and doing all the shit rich guys do. But I don't pretend like I don't. That's the difference. That's what fucking drives me. This is the Michael Moore syndrome. He has to dress like an out of work lesbian trucker because he has $50 million in the bank. He's worth $50 million. And he has to fucking dress like an out of work lesbian trucker because he's gonna lecture you on giving something back to the poor people when he has way more money than anyone he's talking to. Which is an insane thing. It's, you know, the. Obama's lecturing everybody, you know, sometimes enough's enough. You gotta ask yourself when you have enough. I don't know, are you going on your eighth house or your fifth house? I can't remember.

[Rudy Pavage]

Well, third, but to be fair, the first two were gifted to me by my rich parents.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys hang out in the fucking Hamptons and have a chef, or you had a chef until he went wakeboarding. But the point is, is don't fucking lecture us on what it's like to be poor, you fucking hypocrites. Yeah, I'd much rather just be fucking Trump or Elon Musk. Fucking own it. Yes, I'm fucking rich. I work harder than you.

[Jeff Dunham]

Fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Where were we?

[Rudy Pavage]

It's true. Yeah, I did read a little bit of her. They were talking about how one of her organizations, the Girls Club Entertainment, State business license has been suspended or flagged for delinquent delinquency multiple times for basic compliant failures, mostly since 2020. So over the last five years, she's allowed to get away with this shit. And yet they still. Nobody ever, like, comes to. Nobody ever comes to the table and goes, hey, why isn't anybody doing anything about this? And it seems like even when they do, they still get away with it. Like, this is just gonna be a slap on the wrong wrist. And Newsom's still going to stand next to an empty train and be like, look at all the shit we're Getting done here with this bullet train all the way out to Sacramento or wherever the hell it's going.

[Adam Carolla]

An empty train. He stands next to storage lockers, like literally truck storage containers because there is no train. He's like, I need something metal and long. I'm going to stand next to it. Pretend. Make a choo. Burt, can you do a choo choo sound? Yes. Do we have any vid of her videos? Like any graphics or videos of her kids stuff? And by the way, we don't need to have kindergarteners learning where their private parts are with Mr. Gingerbread Man. We'll fucking figure it out. I don't know what this. There's something the left has which is like, you've gotta expose kids to music when they're young. I fucking like music just fine. I didn't go to the opera. It's fine. You don't have to. And then there. So it's like, wait, the fucking grift with the. Oh no, you need pre. Pre K. There's now gonna be something called pre cum. Where before the actual. Before the guy buses nut. And you can be creative. There's gonna be some sort of institute there. Zygote or Amberyo is gonna have to go to. Like. And I remember when I was a dad a like, the kids are three. Where are we taking them? They got to get an early start in order to socialize. I'm like, they don't. You'll figure it out. You'll figure everything out. It'll all be figured out. They don't need to learn to socialize. Let me say this. I don't need to attend the graduation of somebody who doesn't know they're graduating. Whether it's dementia.

[Rudy Pavage]

Oh sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Or it's a three and a half year old. They have a fucking graduation party for this kids. They don't know where they're at. Yeah, they're like. They're walking in a circle. The guy's pants are down, the kid himself. They don't know they're graduating. It's like throwing a surprise party for a two year old. Like, they don't know. Yeah, they don't know it.

[Rudy Pavage]

It's for the person throwing it, not the person receiving it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Except for you got to pay.

[Rudy Pavage]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right, here you go.

[Rudy Pavage]

Next one. You wanna move on?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Rudy Pavage]

Okay. Well, speaking of California, since we're already talking about it, hundreds of LA hospices have multiple indicators of fraud. Three years ago, CA state auditor sounded the alarm that Los Angeles county has seen a 1500% increase in hospice companies since 2010. Some of these red flags that have been coming out like low patient counts, high rates of terminally ill patients later discharged alive. Excessive billing and staff shared across multiple companies.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a vid on this. I liked Andrew. That's somewhere out there. I think a guy from the Times did it. But also, When it's not your money, you just don't police it like you should. All of this is human nature shit. So it's like somebody. I think it's Thomas Sowell who said it and we can find his quote, but I think I'll paraphrase. Or was it David Soule from Starsky and Hutch?

[Rudy Pavage]

David for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't give up on us, baby. That's him. We can still come.

[Rudy Pavage]

We can still pre cum.

[Adam Carolla]

Thomas Sowell basically goes the bad. Your best expenditure on money is your money on you. That's when you check reviews and make sure you're getting the best deals. So the best you're gonna do with money is you on you. I'm buying myself a TV set. I want the best TV set at the best price. Okay? The second best money you can do is I'm spending my money. I'm buying a gift for you. But I still don't wanna pay twice as much for a TV set as I need to. I wanna get you a good TV set. But it's my money. The worst you can do is not your money, not your TV set. That's what the government is. And so you go, why all the waste? Not their money, not their TV set. They don't give a fuck. That's why there's so much waste. And the crazy thing is you have Ro Khanna and Bernie Sanders out on the road going, if only the rich would give 5% of their wealth, wealth we could afford. It's like, are you fucking guys nuts? All you do is waste money. Why would more money. That's just more waste. Yeah, I don't. This thing of like, we could build this or lift out of poverty. I don't know. Have you. We're 50% out here in California. You lifting people out of poverty, there's no amount of money that can fix this.

[Rudy Pavage]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, his thing of like, like this billionaires tax, we could give everybody a check for 3,000. Yeah. So they could fucking drink malt liquor in the fucking park all day. You're not helping them, you idiot. This whole notion of like, I'll just give them some money, that every piece of Shit. Celebrity and their fucking junky son that overdosed. They just got free money. Yeah, that's why they're dead.

[Rudy Pavage]

They've tried it. You don't think that that was part of the equation? They didn't try that. At some point, wasn't there like that old saying of if you took all the money in the world and distributed it evenly amongst everybody on the plan planet, it would all end up exactly where it is right now? That's very true.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's. Let's play this piece. CBS News, Sorry. The government thinks this woman is dying in hospice. A woman playing pickleball. But she just humiliated me, schooled me

[Dawson]

on the pickleball court.

[Adam Carolla]

She's definitely not dying. She is a victim, though, of hospice fraud. So hospice fraud costs taxpayers repairs hundreds of millions of dollars every year. And California is ground zero. So basically, people steal Medicare numbers, they enroll them in hospices, and then bill for tens, sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars. A lot of these companies are just fronts. So over 700 of the roughly 1800 hospices in LA county trigger multiple red flags for possible fraud. So we went door to door, and what we. What we found was empty office spaces, piled up mail, and not a single healthcare worker, by the way. Pause it for a second. This has happened to me, and I would challenge anyone to do this in Los Angeles county, start a project. Like at my other warehouse, I was building that second floor sort of mezzanine thing. I just started building it. It three days into it, some inspector just came walking in off the street, hey, what's going on here? I'm like, building storage up. Yeah, no, you're not.

[Jeff Dunham]

Jeez.

[Rudy Pavage]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. People have no fucking idea what the government will do when they want money. They're very visual watchdogs when it's their money. First house ever built. Remodel up in Hollywood, up under the Hollywood sign on Beechwood Canyon. I went right into that. Just start demoing the place and whatever. About a month in, inspector, he walked in. They just come walking in and they just come. They just come in, you know, noon on a Tuesday, they just come in and they go, who owns this house? And a bunch of Mexicans on ladders. And by the way, they go, get off the ladder. Put the tool down.

[Rudy Pavage]

Crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

In your living room. In your fucking living room. And then you come around and you go, huh? You own this house? Own this house. Everyone stops. Everyone stop working. You over there with the drill stop. Okay, good. Everyone go home. You can go get a plan, engineering permit. You can Come down and apply for a permit. And if anyone comes back here between that permit it and now, you're going to get fucked up.

[Rudy Pavage]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

So everyone stop. Everyone go home. I've had that happen two times. Wow. And it'll never. If you just want to build your house in the Palisades, you just start building your house. You won't make it two days. Yeah, somebody's coming. Someone's going to roll up on you. They'll flash their fucking badge and you'll be shut down. And they will your up until you comply with that them. Because that's money they want from you. This hospice bullshit. That's your money that they're just throwing into a fucking ceiling fan. And they don't give a fuck about that. So they got nothing but rules. If you would like to do your own building projects, but zero enforcement. If you just want to open up a hospice care place in a strip mall.

[Rudy Pavage]

Yeah, see, I know that my state of Minnesota, everything in the 694-494 loop is kind of a shit show at the moment, but everything outside of it is still very normal. Like if. If you want to build something on your land up in northern Minnesota, you build it. The guys show up and they go, you got a permit? You go, I don't know, can I get one now? They go, yeah, fine. Just don't do it again. And then they walk away and they just take their money and they don't make it. Tear it down and rebuild it and start from scratch. They're pretty pragmatic in that sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll. I'll cut to the chase. He went to a bunch of places. None of them are businesses. It's the same shit they were doing here. Here we do the hospice grift there you do the learning center. I think we also do the down syndrome spectrum shit. You have a trailer for Jennifer, the first partner. Sorry that we're gonna watch the masky living. First off, I love making first off. Okay, it's all. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. It's all kids, right? It's all kids. It's all kids. All you have to do with dumb chick chick. Show them a kid looking sad and they go, oh. And then you say whatever you want over that.

[Rudy Pavage]

That's so funny you say it this last season of Stranger Things. I know you're not a fan, but they had to reintroduce a whole new group of kids for the last season for people to give a shit, right? Because nobody. The first three seasons, they were small children and we cared. And then they got older and they went, we don't care anymore. So the last season, they literally brought in, like, a whole classroom, 15 little kids for us to go, we gotta save them kids.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll. I'll play the trailer now, sir. Stop crying. Stop with the tears. Don't cry. Pick yourself up. Stop with the emotions.

[Rudy Pavage]

Don't be a pussy. Don't let nobody disrespect you.

[Adam Carolla]

Be cool and be kind of a dick.

[Jeff Dunham]

Always keep your mind. Nobody likes a tattletale. Bros come before hoes.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't let your woman run your life.

[Jeff Dunham]

You a bit. What a fag.

[Adam Carolla]

Get laid. Do something.

[Rudy Pavage]

Did my stepdad voice this

[Adam Carolla]

from the team behind misrepresentation? Excuse me? The three most destructive words that every man receives when he's a boy is when he's told to be a man. We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity. So we make them go prove it all the time within their peer group culture. Pause it for a second. I fucking love it when dumb shits talk about masculinity. They do this thing where they go, he's so insecure about his own masculinity, he's forced to lash out because of his insecurities. You don't know anything. You don't fucking know anything. You've never had a dick or balls. You never got into a fucking fight. You never played any football. You never rode a motorcycle. You've never fucking done anything. So shut the fuck up. Harvard guy about to be a man. And then they'd start explaining about it, and it's always really weird. They'll always go, those Trump Maga guys with the beard and the ram pickup trucks and the big muscles, they're so insecure about. No, no. They're fucking kicking ass and having fun. Yeah, I've hung out with those guys. Yeah, they like fucking going to the fucking desert and shooting. They like riding dirt bikes, they like fucking drinking beer. They like watching mma. And they're fucking having a good time. And you guys are miserable. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Played against or played based on how the other boys are posturing. And what they end up missing is

[Jeff Dunham]

what they each really want, which is just that closeness.

[Adam Carolla]

In good times, guys are, like, really close to each other, but when things get a little bit worse, you're on your own.

[Jeff Dunham]

From middle school, I had four really close friends. Once. I kind of went into high school. I struggle finding people I can talk to because I feel like I'm not supposed to get help.

[Adam Carolla]

Our kids get up every morning. They have to prepare their mask for how they're gonna walk. Don't know how to take the mask off. What is it you don't let people see? Anger.

[Rudy Pavage]

Almost 90% of you have pain in my heart.

[Adam Carolla]

Anger on the back of that paper.

[Jeff Dunham]

If you never cry, then you have all these feelings stuffed up inside of

[Adam Carolla]

you, and then you can't get them out. They really buy into a culture that doesn't value doctor psychologists. If we're in a culture that doesn't value caring, doesn't value relationships, doesn't value empathy, you are going to have boys

[Jeff Dunham]

and girls, men and women go crazy. I had anger issues.

[Adam Carolla]

Shut the fuck up, you idiots. You don't know anything. You're wrong about everything. You're as wrong about this shit as you were about fucking Covid and the food pyramid. So shut the fuck up. You don't know anything. You get paid to make documentaries about bullshit. That doesn't change anything. Go fucking build something or do something, would you, please?

[Rudy Pavage]

I love the dudes that are like, the first thing about being a man is you need to be able to console your children. I was like, how about change a light socket? That's a pretty good one. Like, be able to do some shit around the house.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. You're so much saner, and it's so much more satisfying and gratifying when you can physically pick up a tool and solve a problem like I did with your bad wheelie luggage this morning. All right, let's see, Rudy. Yeah, Dates, man.

[Rudy Pavage]

Dates. Yeah. So coming up, let's see, Friday and Saturday of next week, the 20th and 21st, I'll be in Oakdale, Minnesota, and then Monroe, Wisconsin, on the 27th, downtown St. Paul in Lowertown at Gambit Brewing.

[Adam Carolla]

Uhhuh. Also, I'm laughing. I gave a whole speech to. All right, it's funny. I gave a whole speech to August. I go, well, we're going to put that other show on sale in Nebraska. You got to tell it to those guys that can put it up on the upper. The screen.

[Rudy Pavage]

It's in Lincoln. I was talking to the promoter today because he's a good friend of mine. But Those Norfolk dates, March 27th, 28th, one of the best venues you will do in the Midwest.

[Adam Carolla]

You're going to love it. But the Lincoln shows on. On Monday, I. I drove in and I was like, on the phone with Mike. I was like, mike, you. He goes we put the Lincoln date on. I go, you put the Lincoln date on then right now. Go get them that information so they can put it up on the screen. And that's all I said on the way in. All right, just go to ampgrollo.com for that. Jeff Dunham. Great cars that drove us. The cars that drove us. And until next time for dunham and Rudy, this is am saying mahalo.

[Dawson]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 8 at 863-41744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla and AdamCola.com.

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I swear, if I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mindset free this is the mantra free.

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If I'm lying, I'm dying.

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