Jerry O'Connell + Bobcat Goldthwait (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Jerry O'Connell + Bobcat Goldthwait (Carolla Classics) - January 24, 2025

Welcome to a special edition of Carolla Classics on the Adam Carolla Show, featuring renowned guests Jerry O'Connell and Bobcat Goldthwait. This episode blends nostalgic highlights from past shows with engaging conversations between Adam and his guests, delivering a blend of humor, insightful anecdotes, and candid discussions.

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1. Coral Classics Segment

[00:15] - Introduction to Coral Classics Gina Grad welcomes listeners to Carolla Classics, a companion podcast that curates the best moments from the 15-year run of the Adam Carolla Show. Bobcat Goldthwait, in character as Giovanni, emphasizes the availability of ad-free archives through Adam Carolla's Substack.

Notable Quote:

Bobcat Goldthwait: "You’ll also get access to a bunch of other ad-free shows including the brand new podcast Beat it Out, currently featuring Jay Moore."
[00:32]

[01:29] - Highlighting "Letters from a Nut" The segment spotlights the play Letters from a Nut, premiering at the Geffen Playhouse. Bobcat narrates the origin story of the letters, recounting how he began writing humorous correspondence to various companies, inadvertently sparking the creation of the play.

Notable Quote:

Ralphie May: "So, you do the thing where you're walking through your house and you'll look to the right and you'll go, huh, what's that magazine doing there?"
[01:29]

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2. In-Depth Discussion: "Letters from a Nut" Play

[05:00] - Development of the Play Ralphie May details how Jerry Seinfeld's interest in the letters led to their publication. Initially mistaken as Jerry's own writings, the letters gained popularity, resulting in multiple books and eventually inspiring the stage play.

Notable Quote:

Ralphie May: "Barry's a very funny guest... Jerry... I got to take these to my agent."
[04:41]

[06:37] - Reading a Letter Excerpt Ralphie shares an amusing exchange between Ted Almancy and the Elephant Safari Park Lodge, highlighting the absurdity of Ted's fictional booking requests involving leaf blowers and elephants.

Notable Quote:

Ted Almancy: "Dear Bally Elephant Safari Park Lodge, I am interested in a room for four nights... I will teach a leaf blowing class in the room."
[06:37]

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3. Conversation with Jerry O'Connell and Bobcat Goldthwait

After the Coral Classics segment, the show transitions to a live conversation with Jerry O'Connell and Bobcat Goldthwait, delving into personal experiences, parenting, career challenges, and humorous anecdotes.

[17:50] - Dealing with Parenthood Jerry and Bob discuss the challenges of parenting twins, sharing heartfelt and humorous moments about their children and the impact on their personal lives.

Notable Quote:

Jerry O'Connell: "There's nothing better than holding your kids and realizing how much they've grown."
[17:50]

[25:04] - Personal Diets and Habits The guests humorously explore their eating habits, diets, and the societal pressures surrounding food consumption, reflecting on how these habits shape their lives.

Notable Quote:

Gina Grad: "There's some people that are big eaters, they just like eating. And then I had a couple of friends that didn't like eating. It's just one of those dudes."
[25:04]

[43:24] - Skincare and Personal Grooming The conversation shifts to skincare routines, with Jerry critiquing conventional beauty standards and advocating for natural approaches to skin health.

Notable Quote:

Gina Grad: "I do have a face that has never been scrubbed, so tell me if you could tell the difference after 10 years of doing it."
[43:24]

[66:02] - Navigating the Entertainment Industry Bobcat shares insights into the volatility of the entertainment industry, emphasizing the importance of financial prudence and adaptability in the face of career uncertainties.

Notable Quote:

Bobcat Goldthwait: "You just gotta relax. It's a tough business, and if you can't handle it, then you shouldn't be in the business."
[66:02]

[100:57] - Controversial Topics and Humor The guests tackle sensitive subjects like reproductive health and societal norms, using humor to navigate complex emotions and experiences.

Notable Quote:

Gina Grad: "How come I can go to Trader Joe's and I can get a six pack of Grolsch for like $5.99, but if I go over to the Ralphs or The Lucky's, it's $8.99."
[100:57]

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4. Stand-Up Stories and Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, both Jerry and Bobcat share stand-up routines and personal stories, blending humor with relatable life experiences.

[145:00] - Fart Humor and Embarrassing Moments Gina narrates a humorous incident involving farting into a coffee can, highlighting the awkwardness and laughter that follows such personal mishaps.

Notable Quote:

Gina Grad: "I was like, 'I'm gonna pick this up. Cause I'm the same way... How do these two find themselves?'"
[145:00]

[151:38] - Online Porn and Modern Challenges The discussion turns to the impact of online pornography on relationships, with both guests offering candid and humorous perspectives on navigating modern temptations.

Notable Quote:

Adam Carolla: "If you can open for Nirvana and Michael Bolton, there's no asking act. There's no musical act that doesn't land somewhere."
[151:38]

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5. Final Thoughts and Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Adam summarizes the key takeaways from the conversations, emphasizing the blend of humor and heartfelt dialogue that defines the Adam Carolla Show.

[177:00] - Wrapping Up with Ralphie May Gina Grad introduces Ralphie May, promoting his stand-up special and encouraging listeners to engage with his work, highlighting the supportive community fostered by the show.

Notable Quote:

Gina Grad: "Ralphiemay.com – all right, let's do a little Nick News, shall we?"
[177:30]

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Conclusion

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show seamlessly integrates classic moments with fresh, insightful conversations featuring Jerry O'Connell and Bobcat Goldthwait. Listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions, all hallmarked by Adam Carolla's signature wit and unfiltered humor.

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Note: Time stamps correspond to segments within the provided transcript and are approximations for reference.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Gina Grad]

Welcome to Coral Classics.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I'm your superfan Giovanni.

[Gina Grad]

This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

The ad free archives are exclusively available through Adam Corolla's substack.

[Gina Grad]

Check out adamcarolla.substack.com.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You'Ll also get access to a bunch of other ad free shows including the.

[Gina Grad]

Brand new podcast Beat it Out, currently featuring Jay Moore. Now on the clips. Coming up, first day we have Adam Carolla Show 2087.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

This one's from 2017. This one's featuring Barry Marder and Beth.

[Gina Grad]

Kennedy along with Gina Grad and Brian Bishop. Some letters from a nut.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

This also happened on the episode with Patrick Warburton.

[Gina Grad]

Barry's a very funny guest.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Hope you guys enjoyed.

[Gina Grad]

Barry Marder is here. Beth Kennedy is here as well. Letters from a Nut is the name of the play. It starts Wednesday, June 28th. That will be opening nights at the Geffen Playhouse. And it's at the. Is it the Audrey Skirball Kennis Theater, is that correct?

[Ralphie May]

That is correct.

[Gina Grad]

And I'll give you website, by the way. You can get tickets at the website. Just go to geffenplayhouse.org I'll tell you a little more about that and us. But first, welcome. And so talk about the orig of the letters and how these, how it came about.

[Ralphie May]

You want me to explain how?

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Ralphie May]

These were all. Well, in 1994, I was sitting there with my lady friend Phyllis Murphy and just mindlessly, it was like 4 o'clock in the morning, she was watching TV on one chair and I was sitting there mindlessly eating a bag of Fritos. And you know how you read on the side of the bags and things that said, you know, you got any problems, you want to have any questions, you know, why don't you write Fritos? And I thought, well, who would write Fritos?

[Gina Grad]

I think that every single time I see one of those things where they go, tweet us and it's like, you're the gas company. Shoot us a tweet about what?

[Ralphie May]

Your pamphlets. What would you say to the gas company?

[Gina Grad]

They do it with movies and stuff. And I'm like, why would I tweet Guardians of the Galaxy? I'll just go watch it or something.

[Ralphie May]

This was in 1994. And you know, and I thought so I was, she was, she wasn't listening to me. She was kind of watching television. And I was thinking you know, what would I say to Fritos? Would I describe what the product really is? And, like, I was a moron and go, well, everything was crunchy and they were curled, and they got orange on me and stuff like that. And, you know, so I thought, okay. So then the next day, I thought I was at the 99 cent store, and I was looking at some Bon Ami.

[Gina Grad]

How Bonami. The powder.

[Ralphie May]

You remember Bon Ami?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It's funny. You gotta be old, because when I told. I told my assistant, go get some. Pick up some cleanser. And he went, what do we cleanse? What? And I said, cleanser. And he said, to cleanse what? Cleanser. He said, to cleanse what? What are we cleansing? I said, there is a product called cleanser. Oh, I did not know that. Okay.

[Ralphie May]

So I looked at the Bon Ami, and on the side of the Bon Ami, the guy had his stamp on there, and it said, you got any questions, got any problems? Right to Bon Ami. And he had stamped it. It was smudgy. It was like Gordon Bruchar IV or Gordon Bruman iii. So started writing to Bon Ami and asking them what was going on with this guy's name. Are you the Gordon Brewherd iv? And he wrote me back. He actually wrote me back. And, you know, he was excited. I mean, who's writing a starch company in Kansas City? And we got into a whole weird world of him writing back. And, you know, he was reaching out, he was crying out. I think he was, you know, I mean, he was the fourth of these Gordon Brewhart people.

[Gina Grad]

He was a lifeline.

[Ralphie May]

And, you know. Yeah, I was like a life coach to this man.

[Gina Grad]

So then Seinfeld went over to your house, and he found all the letters, and he said you needed to publish them.

[Ralphie May]

Well, I had been working for Jerry since. I've known Jerry for ages, but I had been writing the standup on Seinfeld with him right in 90, I think, was like 90 or 89 when the show first started. We were into the fourth episode, and I was reading him these things, you know, on. He was on the phone, he would call me and he would. I would say to him, hey, I just got a letter from the Prince of Wales, Prince Philip. So I had told him that I enjoyed his salad recipe that I had read in one of these British. He didn't even have a recipe. But he wrote me back and he said, well, the Prince thanks you very much. He's very. You know, because what does this guy have to do? He's just showing up places. And he really has nothing to do. He's. Someone's writing him now, right? Not about the queen. It's not about any. It's about, hey, hey, someone's talking to me, right? So I was reading them a thing, and then, you know, Jerry, they were shooting the Seinfeld show at Radford, which was on Laurel, and I was living not too far from there, and he would come over. He liked to watch that Jerry Lewis telethon right at the end where Jerry gets maudlin and collapses. Yeah, that's. That was his favorite part of the Teleton. He was rushing like a madman to get over there. So he came over, and I had about 12 of these letters on the coffee table, and he was picking them up, and he was laughing, and he said, I got to take these to my agent. And, you know, so he took them to his agent. And I said, hey, agent. You know, I hadn't heard the word agent in show business in seven years at this point, you know?

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Ralphie May]

And that's what started it off right there.

[Gina Grad]

And then Letters from a Nut was published in the first book. 97.

[Ralphie May]

97 was the first book. And he went on, I think, at that time, Jay Leno and Larry King, and he promoted the book, and it was just kind of birthed, naturally, people thought, because he, you know, he wrote the introduction to the book, which was explaining how everything happened. So people kind of thought it was Jerry Seinfeld that was the true author of these things. And this went on for 12, 15 years, many books. And it became, you know, some kind of a weird thing that they were convinced it was him.

[Gina Grad]

So. Beth Kennedy? Yes. Sorry for ignoring you. I was trying to set the table.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, Clappers.

[Gina Grad]

You're in the play as well. Now, will you be playing sort of the person that receives Barry's information or calls or letters or what have you?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm Prince Philip. I'm the Bone Ami guy. I'm Frito's customer service. Whoever Barry wrote to you. And there were like, nine books or something, so he's compiled it into about 32 or so letters.

[Gina Grad]

So I get to do about 32 different characters. You. Oh, my God. And did you guys bring in a letter or an example?

[Ralphie May]

Yes, we did.

[Gina Grad]

From the book and the play? We did.

[Ralphie May]

Did you want to get to that, or do you want to blow the whole interview out in 10 minutes?

[Gina Grad]

I thought it'd be sort of fun to hear one.

[Ralphie May]

You want to hear one now?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Ralphie May]

We will read you one.

[Gina Grad]

You can set it up tell us whatever we need to know about it.

[Ralphie May]

So anyway we've got thousands of these things so I mean it consumed me, it became a sickness. I'm on fluvazoid I think for this but this one was from an email exchange and in the emails, the letters back then were hard letters so they would write one or two letters but in the emails they go on and on because it's much easier to do this. So I wrote to the Bally Elephant Safari Park Lodge which is in Indonesia and this is a pretty good example. Dear Bali Elephant Safari Park Lodge, hello, I am interested in a room for four nights. Your finest suite. You are recommended in the leaf community. I will teach a leaf blowing class in the room. There will be 14 leaf blowing men's in my room with full leaf machines that includes enhanced neighbor noise machines. I am their instructor and will teach them how to blow leaves around. There is noise but if someone calls from the front desk we can hear the phone. His Otto still at the front desk. He wore sandals and had a bad nail. I look forward to a relaxing stay. Do you have leaf bag vending machines? Respectfully, Ted Almancy Dear Ted, thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

For your email and your interest to stay at our lodge.

[Gina Grad]

Allow me to inform you that most people coming and stay at our accommodation is looking for privacy.

[Brian Bishop]

Therefore we could not guarantee you to use in any practice of leaf blower at our property. We may provide you a place which.

[Gina Grad]

Is far from the property for your.

[Brian Bishop]

Purpose, but again it will depends on the size of your machine. I would really suggest you to stay and relax at the Elephant Saf Park Lodge which most people do in their purpose. I hope you will understand that some.

[Gina Grad]

Condition cannot be applied at our property. Regards our fiend.

[Ralphie May]

Dear Bally Elephant Safari Park Lodge, thank you for getting back to me in such a professional and prompt manner. I noted it on a banner and put it up in our meeting room. Professional professionalism in emails is extremely important these days with the lack of civility and the LOLs and smiley face symbols. Your email showed a true sophistication not seen since the 1930s. It has been noted and shown to our leaf master. Now down to our booking, we will have 14 leaf men and myself and our leaf leader. Should that be five rooms and three to a room? Or would you suggest eight rooms or 12 and a half rooms? You have elephant taxis, Elephant chauffeur service from my room. What about tuna sandwiches? Our last day of leaf blowing lessons will include a parade with our leaf marching band. This is a full parade of all 14 leaf blowers going at full speed with all machines blowing at once noise up to 16. Is that a problem to your other guests? We also have a drummer and a cymbal dasher. Do you have seltzer? I like a nice spritz in my face at night to relax. I always enjoy it. What is next? I would like to give you a credit card and confirm this booking. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Dear Nancy, we are working for you now.

[Gina Grad]

Soon answer.

[Brian Bishop]

Arafine.

[Ralphie May]

Hello, Kang Chock Elephant place. I am interested in having our leaf blower wedding at your hotel. August 10th through the 20th. This is a full wedding party of 36 leaf blowers and their brides. We would like all the leaf blowers each on one elephant blowing leaves as they ride on the elephant. That's 36 elephants. Who can I speak to regarding the wedding elephant leaf blowing package? I understand you also have elephant yoga. How do I bend an elephant? Thank you.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Dear Nancy, we so sorry sir.

[Gina Grad]

Cock Chung safari is the place to do elephant tracking. Sir, we not hotel or cannot take elephant out of safari. We have only 8 elephant. So I think not enough for you.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Need sorry for any inconvenience.

[Gina Grad]

Kind to our gods. Tinny.

[Ralphie May]

Hello, Kok Chang elephant place. How delightful to receive your email. Now let us figure out everything. Here's my idea. You have eight elephants, we have 36 leaf blowers. What about four leaf blowers on each elephant blowing leaves? That is 32 leaf blowers which leave four left. So we put one more leaf blower on four elephants. No rooms. We put tents up like a leaf blower camp with porta potties for the 19 days we are there. Bad smell. Febreze all fixed. We really want the wedding there. How much we can pay? Thank you for your courteous reply. Teddle Nancy, keep going. Yes, Dear Nancy, we'll go for hours.

[Gina Grad]

How long does it go? It's funny as shit.

[Ralphie May]

We're almost done.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

Dear Nancy, sorry for late reply. I talking with the manager and I have an opinion about your wedding. It is the event that good idea.

[Brian Bishop]

We need to go along.

[Gina Grad]

But we have only eight elephant, seven female and one baby elephant. So one reason they make us cannot join because our elephant cannot take to outside. We got a travel register only elephant trekking at the jungle can't take to another place. Do you need to come to do elephant ride at the safari? But even thought our elephant still not enough for your bridesmaid. And one more reason. Only two person can sit on one elephant. Because elephant can get away. Not over 180kg.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Normally have many wedding couple come to.

[Gina Grad]

Do elephant trekking and come to have a wedding picture with elephant. We charge more a little bit from normal price because wedding picture a difficult for control elephant more normal elephant trekking. So money we need but we must to get many possibility check. We sorry that we can't do elephant can't go outside. Kind regards.

[Ralphie May]

Danny, I need your page six. She has two page sixes. Oh, almost done.

[Gina Grad]

Write a letter to yourself.

[Ralphie May]

Want to hear more? We got 15 pages. No. Yeah, we're just one more. Hello, Kang Choc elephant rides. So nice to hear from you. Re your email of June 17th. It was clear, concise and easy to understand. What about this? You have eight elephants, we have 36 leaf blowers and the bride equals 37. Can you put some of your peoples in elephant costumes too? Who will know? And then our peoples can ride on top as long as we get everybody on top of something. This is an important third marriage. Respectfully, Ted, on the no further reply. And that was it.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I love it.

[Ralphie May]

So they go on.

[Gina Grad]

It is. It's. Well, you know, it's interesting because I used to do a show called Crank Yankers for me and Jimmy did for Comedy Central. And we found that if you called a deli in New York, you got almost no traction because everyone was in a crazy rush. Move, move. Yeah, no time for your nonsense. But if you called Barrow, Alaska, whoever picked up the phone, you talked for 40 minutes, right? Kevin Nealon called Alaska because he had compass buddies and he was looking for his furthest northern compass buddy. I don't know what you're talking about. And he told this guy I'd be calling back every day at like noon to check in with his compass body. And the guy's like, I'll be here. Like, I. You gotta find it, Gary. I don't know why it always struck me it wasn't the funniest. It was like the most telling sincere. The people that are at home at noon in Alaska got nothing but time and actually is enjoying having a conversation with Kevin Nealon about being his compass buddy. It's insane how these people engage and keep going, right?

[Ralphie May]

They will keep going. They're bored. They have nothing to do. Nobody's. It's like they're not expecting somebody to write a crank letter or a crank phone call. They're just trying to get a booking.

[Gina Grad]

Who was do you consider your biggest get? Did you get Al Gore to write?

[Ralphie May]

We did get Al Gore. Oh, he did when he was the vice president.

[Gina Grad]

Throw his Name out.

[Ralphie May]

We got Al Gore.

[Gina Grad]

I had no idea.

[Ralphie May]

We got him early on. And he wrote back. I think I told him he looked like Sylvester Stallone. This was. Who, by the way, is so pumped up and veiny, his face looks like MapQuest now. It's just too many veins on there.

[Gina Grad]

It's true. And he wrote back.

[Ralphie May]

He did write back. We've gotten a lot of dignitaries, you know, from the presidents of Greenland and Iceland and Czech Republic. Czech Republic. Vaclav Havelo, who was the president. We wanted him to be the. He's the president of the Czech. Of Czechoslovakia. Wanted him to run our vacuum cleaning.

[Gina Grad]

Club in Thousand Oaks.

[Ralphie May]

In Thousand Oaks. And we actually got to be the treasurer. The treasurer. And they write back that we actually got a letter. We have. We have.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, he wasn't.

[Ralphie May]

We are swamped here with Czechoslovakian matters.

[Gina Grad]

But considering it, this is. Oh, Gary found Neyland calling his buddy in Alaska. Good afternoon. Pull tab. Hey, there.

[Ralphie May]

Is this barrow, Alaska?

[Gina Grad]

No, this is native. It is a barrow pull tab. Oh, it's right up there, though. That is awesome. I'm calling from the lower 48, and my name's Ken, and this is very exciting. How's it going up there?

[Brian Bishop]

We're fine up here.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that's great. Hey, I want to ask you something. You know, this is very exciting for me because this will complete my compass buddy list. I don't know what you're talking about. There it is. I have a Compass Society of America, and all I need is just for you to say yes. You'll be my compass buddy from the north, and then my circle is completed. What is your name? Okay, Alice. Well, I'm gonna. I'm gonna have you for my north compass buddy then. And. And are you heading. Are you facing north now, or is it south? We're at top of the world Bear. Alaska. Oh, that is so exciting. That is so exciting. Okay, well, since you're gonna be my compass buddy, maybe you could just repeat after me the compass buddy pledge. Okay. You ready? It's very short. North, south, east, west. North, south, east. Right. I will always pledge to do my best. I will always pledge to do my best. South, east, west, north, south, east, west. I will always pledge to journey forth. I will always pledge the journey fourth. All right, great. I forgot that's where you got that drop. I forgot that was a compass. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Ralphie May]

People love this stuff. They love it.

[Gina Grad]

It's insane. And, yeah, you would never think that these People would communicate a write back or read back. Pledges, reback, pledges.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

All right, that was Adam Carlos Show 2087 from 2017.

[Gina Grad]

Then we're gonna flash all the way back to 2011 for Adam Carollishow 513 featuring the great Jerry O'Connell. Jerry has one appearance on Loveline from 2003 promoting Kangaroo Jack. He guested on the KLSX Morning show in 2007 alongside Adam Kroll and Danny Bob. And they returned to the Adam Cole morning show in 2008. Hope you guys enjoy this interview. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Gina Grad]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Gina Grad]

Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump, Run for it. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay. Never. Good to see you, Jerry O'Connell.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Get it on, Ace.

[Gina Grad]

Man, I'm excited. Get it on. I gotta say a couple things. I forgot. I forgot you had twins.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yes. Like you.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. How do you deal with the twins?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You know what? There's a light at the end of the tunnel. They're now over two. They've entered school, so that's a few hours of freedom. When we dropped them off at school, my wife was crying. She was so sad. She was like, oh, God, this is so sad. I was crying because I was so effing happy.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And I gotta say, man, we. We read your book over the holidays. We bought it hardcover, my friend.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Actually, not hardcover. Kindle, I should say. But I started reading your book, and, man, when I walked into my daughter's school, there was a huge sign saying, this is a peanut free zone.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And Adam, I laughed so hard and my wife laughed too, because I started reading your book. We're on holiday. The kids are at home.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

The grandparents are watching them. We're done with them. We've got a week of freedom. I started reading your book and I was laughing out loud and. And Rebecca said, you have, like, let me in. So I basically. There should have been a mic there. I could have done your audiobook. I could have done.

[Gina Grad]

It would have been nice. Yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

But we were laughing so hard that polish. I have to plug your book for a second. In 50 years, we'll all be chicks. It's Coming out on paperback soon.

[Gina Grad]

Sure it is. Yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

That whole Polish rant that you go on. I just want to let everyone know there's a rant that Adam goes on where he refers to all Latins in Los Angeles as Polish people.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And it is maybe one of the funniest. I could not stop laughing.

[Gina Grad]

Really?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It was really, really funny. Another reason why I think about you. In 50 years, we will all be chicks. I tried those commuter cups. Going to work, get up in the morning, throw the coffee in the commuter cup.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I was always losing my commuter cups. Leaving them at work, leaving. It's just you can't keep up with them. And they cost like, $15 at Starbucks.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

So I was finished buying them. So I put my coffee in a mug, which is a little precarious because it's over your leg and you're going over bumpy roads and blah, blah. And Lord knows there's a lot of potholes in Los Angeles right now.

[Gina Grad]

Sure. Potholes and a holes.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

So. So at the end. So at the end of the night, I drive home, I get to my driveway, and I can't tell you I would start to get a collection of coffee mugs in the passenger seat.

[Gina Grad]

And they find each other, which is the weirdest thing. Like, you go. Like, you go, listen, I swear to God, you could go, all right, I'm gonna take this coffee mug. Cause I'm the same way. I'll tell you a couple things. Thank you. Thank you, Chair. O'Connell, you reminded me of a few things. I come from a family that is really cheap and really downtrodden. And it's like, if you brought a cup outside, if you had a beer or Kool Aid or whatever, in a glass cup, they'd be like, pour it into a paper cup. Or if you can't pour it into a paper cup, pour it into a baseball mitt or cup. Your hands. Like, you can't go outside with a glass. And I'd always be like, first off, you can get six of these for a dollar at ikea. Secondly, I don't go outside and turn into Dick Van Dyke. I'll still hold the cup. Thirdly, we're standing on a slab, bitch. If I drop it indoors, there's terracotta tile under me. If I drop it, it's going to break, so what's the big deal? And I like the way beer tastes in a glass. And I like coffee out of a mug. Not a Styrofoam. You know, injected, molded, whatever. So I do the same thing. Where I go out of the house with the mug, and I'm like, look, it's a coffee mug. It's 99 cents at IKEA. There's a 90 chance it's gonna make it back to the cupboard. But if it doesn't, it doesn't.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Most of them are actually free coffee cups. Now, get them. Especially if you do shows like this. I'm sure I'll have Adam Carolla cupboard.

[Gina Grad]

Especially when you're the world's number one dad.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah, I think I have a man show cup as well.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you get free cups, but one thing you get in this town, you get tote bags, mugs, and bathrobes, right? And so I bring the cup out and I do the thing and I drink my coffee. And inevitably, one ends up rolling around where your feet go on the passenger side of the car. And then at some point, because I'm too lazy, I bring out the next mug. That one doesn't get bused back into the house. And then I think, you know, with this mug, I'm gonna wrap it in bubble tape. I'm gonna wrap duct tape around it. I'm gonna put it in the trunk, and I'm gonna bury it under the space saver spare. And then at some point, I'll turn a corner an hour later, and I'll hear clank. And I'll look down and there will be the two mugs, like trying to fuck on the floor of the passenger seat. And I just think, how do these two find themselves? And then you do that move where you reach over and you grab the one mug and you go. I'm put. You stay up here on the seat, and then you take the other mug and you go. You go down there. And then five minutes later, you turn another clank. It's like, why should everything roll? If you think about it, you know, I mean, beer bottles, coffee mugs, shouldn't they all sort of. Shouldn't you be able to take five coffee mugs, put them an inch apart from each other on a seat, and not have them make contact?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Well, they're all round, maybe curved. Round things feel easy to the hand, I guess. I'm not a designer, I guess Dutch, but I have a feeling that. But maybe, you know, round things feel. Feel good to the table.

[Gina Grad]

You're right. Square coffee mug.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I come home every night, I look at that mug of my passenger seat, and I go, adam would like me to pick that up. And it's funny because it's actually about. It's about how to live Your life. That. That chapter, it's about taking responsibility and everything. And.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, what. What Jerry is referring to is.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Is a chapter in your book. Yes, later in the book.

[Gina Grad]

A battle I used to do with myself. Really, when you're. When you're sort of a loser, you have to beat it out of yourself. You know, there's sort of. There's two ways you can. I don't like, you know, winner, loser. But just for the sake of argument, we'll just say winner and loser. There's two ways you can be a winner. You can just be born that way, like some of the people we know, Charlie Sheen, or you can beat the crap out of yourself to become that way. And if it doesn't come naturally, and it didn't to the Corollas, I would start beating the crap out of myself. It's a weird little exercise, which is if you see it and you notice it, then do something about it. Like, you just do that thing where you're walking through your house and you'll look to the right and you'll go, huh, what's that magazine doing there? And then you'll think, I don't know whose magazine that is. And then you'll think to yourself, it's some kind of weird real estate magazine that looks like it came in the mail. I don't think anyone bought it and brought it into the house. It's just kind of junk mail, but it kind of looks like something. And then you look at it a little more, and then you keep walking. And then at some point a day later, you look at it again and you go, I wonder who's that anyway? And you just. And somewhere around the eighth time you look at it and do nothing, you're a loser. And the deal is, second you stop. The second you notice it, the rule is, all right, I need to do something, and it's either going in the garbage, it's going in the rack. I'm going to ask my wife. Whatever it is, something's going to be done. I'm not going to keep walking past the same shitty real estate magazine wondering where it's going or what. What should become of it, right?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I have a similar issue with that. I have an outdoor light bulb in my house that I have not replaced in months, but I pass it.

[Gina Grad]

You'll stare at it times a day, right? But you won't notice it four days in a row. And then you do notice it, and you stare at it, and then you think, I got to do something about it. And then another Month goes by.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Right, right.

[Gina Grad]

Well, how did you. For instance, you were a big kid growing up. You shed all those pounds.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

That must have been some discipline involved. I mean, there must have been some form of you not passing a light bulb.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You know, it wasn't really discipline so much as. You know, it's funny, there was. There was one moment that I knew I was a fat kid. I was a. I was an overweight child. I went to the Gap with my mother. I was buying jeans. School was starting, and my mother did that highly annoying thing where you're like. I think I was 12, and I was. You know, we picked out a stack of jeans and I was told to go try them on. And my mother did that annoying thing where there were older teenagers shopping at the Gap without their parents. But I was there with my parents, so that was. That was embarrassing.

[Gina Grad]

Is this in New York already?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

This is in New York. This is in Chelsea, New York, in Manhattan, at the Gap, on Sixth Avenue and Greenwich street, right around there.

[Gina Grad]

Know it?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Well, I think it's a. I think.

[Gina Grad]

It'S a Gap, one of the best husky sections. Well, in the Village, by the way. Go ahead.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

So I was trying the jeans on, and my mother would stand in the changing room where all the female teenagers were changing with each other and giggling. And I was imagining they were jerking each other off or something. Or something. Something sexual going on. And I was here with my mom. And my mother would stand outside and go, jerry, how do they look? Come out. I want to see Jerry.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And so I'd be like, shut up, Mom. They fit fine. So I came out and I'm 12, and I had on a pair of 36 28s.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And they didn't fit me. And I came out and my mother said, oh, my. Like, these don't fit you, right. They were too tight. And so we had to go up to the salesman who worked at the Gap, who was probably. I mean, he seemed like an adult at the time, but looking back, he was probably only a year older than me.

[Gina Grad]

It's funny. Yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And he said he was like, 38. 38, 23828s. We don't carry 3828s. You have to go to a different store. No one carries 38 28s. And it was really embarrassing.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Because Louis De Palma is like. The Louis De Palma is. Is. By the way, the Louis De Palma would be a good drink. I don't know what would be in it, but it'd be I'd like to order a Louis De Palma rolls.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It rolls off better than an Arnold Palmer.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

By the way, I want to make that team a nade. That Arnold Palmer thing. I stutter a little bit when I say it. Arnold Palmer. Try and say Arnold Palmer.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Give me a team and aid man.

[Gina Grad]

When it's too wide. Yeah, when that number. When that first number. Because we all. Yeah. The good number you want is a nice 32. 36. But then at a certain point you get the 36. 36. And at a certain point, the number that first number, when it gets too much higher than the second. Like what jeans do you wear now In a Levi?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

34.

[Gina Grad]

34, yeah. Perfectly healthy.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It's great.

[Gina Grad]

So that's when you knew.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You know, it's not so much that I remember going home and my mother, who was always trying diets and eating grapefruit and like, you know, just eating baked potatoes at night. She was always struggling, she was always dieting. This is the 80s, you know, she bought a book called Fit for Life. And she said, I'm gonna read this and you and I going on this diet. But in all honesty, you want to know really what I cut out after reading this book is soda. That was it.

[Gina Grad]

It's funny, a lot of people I talk to bald Brian in the next room. It's the same thing.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

There's a book on the screen.

[Gina Grad]

You guys are crazy. You talk to these people. Very 80s you talk to. And what I didn't know is a lot of people drink seven, eight, nine cokes a day, man.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I would go through, I would buy the 3 liter. Remember, for a limited time, there was a 3 liter bottle there, that's practically.

[Gina Grad]

A sparklets bottle of Coke. And the thing is, you go, hey, I'm not. This is not a meal. I'm not having a piece of pie or cake or ribs. It's just a drink. But you're drinking your way fat. So you just cut out the soda.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You know, I cut out the soda and I mean, this is even funnier. And. And my mother would work out at a exercise place in the neighborhood and she got a guy, she said, I think she went up to him and said, listen, I have a fat son. You have to go talk to him. And he got me, I'm 12 at this time. He said, you know, he was a guy, I think he was an aerobics instructor. He gave me a. A notebook and he was like, here's his notebook. Everything you eat for the next week, right? Write it down. Everything. I want everything. Even if you drink a sip of orange juice, I want you to write that.

[Gina Grad]

Well, for the Cheetos you can just do the thumbprint. Roll them in the orange. Do it. Okay, right, gotcha.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I smell Twix on this page. But so I wrote it out all week long and you know, I was, you know, I just didn't have good eating habits, you know, and should have ended it.

[Gina Grad]

Just he was gonna read it and.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Then he read it to me aloud the next week.

[Gina Grad]

You should have ended Friday with a huge black cock. Just, just to have him going down the road, you know what I mean? Wherewithal then M&M's lasagna.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You know, I grew up in a city and I know you grew up out here and you played football at a very young age. And I think you can sort of house anything you want to. And because you're playing so much football at a young age, you know, it's sort of. You're required to gain weight. I mean, when you were playing Pop Warner, what is it not expected of you to put the LB's on?

[Gina Grad]

Well, it was a weird, it was a weird thing. I had my own weird little diet episode myself. Because in Pop Warner football it goes by weight divisions. It's not really your age, it's your size. They try to keep everyone about the same size.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Kind of like boxing, probably for, you know, legal.

[Gina Grad]

It's a good safety, good idea to keep the 180 pound kids away from 110 pound kids. There's always a couple runs on the team, but so there's this weird thing where you start and farm they call it. Then you go to Gremlins, then you go to Mighty Mice, you go to peewees and midgets and Bantams. I played seven years. At one point I was sort of a big kid. And at some point you play two years in the same division. Don't ask me why, but this is how it works. And I wasn't going to make weight. And you weigh in before every game. In Pop Warner football they play the game on Saturday. You get in a long line. The scale basically just says 135 or whatever the max is for your weight division. And you go step up on that scale. And if it goes the wrong direction, you got to pull your jersey inside out and go sit on the sideline. You don't get to play that day. So I actually was, was dieting the one year, even though I wasn't fat, I was just bigger than the other Kids and I wouldn't have made the weight, but I ended up breaking my shoulder. So it was academic that year anyway. So it was this weird year where I started off dieting, ended up breaking and dislocating my shoulder, playing football in the first preseason game, and then just end up sitting out the rest of the season.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Well, I'll tell you who always freaked me out and talking about like high school and college level sports were wrestlers. Man, they were crazy. They were weight obsessed. Like, crazy.

[Gina Grad]

It can't be a thing to shed that kind of weight, especially in the kind of time that they do it. But either way, it is this weird. It's a weird juxtaposition. And I don't know if you experience this, but I experience it. And it's. It's a weird way to go through life. And I don't know which is worse or better, which is I grew up constantly hungry. Like, I don't think people fully grasp what I'm talking about. And it's interesting because people have different sort of appetites. There's just some people that are big eaters, they just like eating. They're big eaters. And then I had a couple of friends that didn't like eating. My buddy Donnie, AKA the wheeze, running around in the warehouse back there. From the time I knew him at about 16 or 17 to about age 30, he literally didn't like to eat. Like it was kind of an annoyance for him. It's just one of those dudes. Like once in a while you run into a dude that doesn't like pussy and he doesn't like ribs, although the weeds are like the pussy. But you know what I'm saying, Like, he wouldn't finish his food. He didn't really like. It was sort of like, you know, the people, I don't trust them, I don't like them. I don't know how it works, but it's like they're just one out of every 20 people you meet. Just like, eh, not that into it. I was into it and I loved it. And my mom didn't cook. She was wildly depressed. My dad is super lazy and everyone was super poor. And I played tons of football and we didn't have Nintendo. I literally just ran in a circle in the San Fernando Valley all day. Like, we would play games called Ditch, where you'd go to the middle of the schoolyard and someone yell, ray, you're it. Ditch. And everyone just start running. And you just be running, like literally on foot for five hours, you know, And Then you'd come home and there'd be nothing to eat. So I got this relationship with food where I would just devour food. If you saw, if I went to your house and like I opened your fridge and there was some lasagna or something in there, be like, holy shit, come on, let's get the lasagna. Or if I open especially, I'd go to kids houses and I'd open their pantry and it'd be like, there's space stick bars and Oreos. Double stuff. Donnie's house, Donnie had Twinkies. Oh no. Ding Dongs in a, like the hockey puck looking one.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah, sure.

[Gina Grad]

In a dispenser. Like you literally pull one out and the next one would slide into its slot. It was like a banana clip on an AK47. Like pop boom, pop boom. And I'd be like, donnie, Donnie, Donnie. Like, do you know what's in your pantry? And you'd be like, yeah, so what? Come on, let's go outside, smoke a bongload. And I'd be like, what? No. And so I got this crazy like, where is it? And I was this locomotive that was always just going to 80 miles an hour so you could shovel as much furniture, coal, gasoline, kerosene, it didn't matter what you threw in me, it would all immediately get burnt off. Because we had one tv, it was black and white, I couldn't read and I was great at sports. So my whole life was just, I was just wrestling. Like if the TV would be on, I'd have my friend a headlock. We'd be rolling around on the floor. So all of a sudden I went from like, holy shit, there's food, to now I'm a middle aged adult and I have plenty of money. And all the fans of this show come by and they bring pie. Hey, Adam, we got pie. If you open the fridge, there's five pies in there. And so the other day, so first off, Donnie's wife Kathy shows up with a specialty pie that somebody gave her that she got that was like on Monday. Then the next day, somebody else shows up for our 500 show, three pies. Sandy's wife Kelly brings three pies. And then the day after that, a stranger with pies this way come. I thought it turned into a little soliloquy there, but a guy shows up at the door, like, I just looked you up online and I'm not a weirdo. I just want to take a picture. And I brought you some pies. So next thing you know, I Have five pies sitting around. Now there's a nine year old inside of me that's like, get the pies, get the pies and get, get a, get a gardening, get an instrument that you'd use in a garden and the pie, a jug of milk and go hide by the dumpster and polish it all off. And then the other side of me is like, you're, you're, you're, you're in a middle aged adult dude who's got a fridge full of food. You gotta, you gotta knock it off. So my parents sort of created this weird monster. And it's also as a society, it's, it's weird because other countries pretty much just live to eat. You know, they just like, hey man, I'm gonna carry this water on my head in this gourd for 20 miles just to have something to drink. I'm gonna make a little rice or whatever. We got the hometown buffet. And so for 9.99 and minimum wage is now 9.99, you can eat as much as your heart's content. Although your heart's not gonna be content, it's gonna explode. So now we're in charge of monitoring ourselves and it's this weird position to put ourselves in charge of our own weird food prison, you know, especially if you grew up with some issues surrounding food or more importantly, surrounding free things. Like I'm flying first class tomorrow and I'm going to Florida and they're gonna bring me as many drinks and as much food as I want. And it's like first class, first class. You got to get it, you got to get it, you got to get it. And it's the thing like, and I don't know what the balance is. And you tell me what you're going to do with your twins because you and Rebecca, you have money and, and on one hand, my parents created a little monster, whereas Donnie is not that way. Donnie's like, yeah, I don't need it. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It's really funny with my kids and eating habits. My wife is very healthy. And when I say very healthy, we'll only shop at whole paycheck. That's what I call Whole Foods. I know, it's insane. It is crazy expensive. It's crazy. I prefer the Trader Joe's. It's just a little more cost effective.

[Gina Grad]

I get that argument. My wife, all the time, I'm like, the fucking Whole Foods. This little mini rack of lamb or whatever you got, it's like 37.5, 9. Like, you see something you can fit into one hand, it's like tons. It's like, go to. Go to Trader Joe's and see, they always do that. They don't have the. And then they fill some weird item. They don't sell dreidels there. And you're like, just get that. Go there.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

First of all, I want to say I am a huge advocate of Trader Joe's. When my wife and I got married, our wedding planner, who was great. I really liked working with her. It was a lot of fun. We got an estimate from a liquor distributor for the booze because I did not want to have a cash bar at my wedding. That was my one goal in life. We. I was. I was given an estimate and I said, this is outrageous. We could open a nightclub for this money. And. And the wedding planner said, you know, well, this is the estimate, and that's about it. And I went, you know what? I'm gonna go to Trader Joe's and I'm gonna buy everything on this list, and I'm gonna come back here. And I stocked up my. I was driving an SRT8 at the time. Opened up the back, went to Trader Joe's, bought it all. It was like, I mean, I'm not kidding you. I maybe spent under $300 for all the booze at my wedding. And I mean, all the booze. We're still trying to get through some of the two buck. Now, mind you, my wife was very upset that we had two buck chuck on our table.

[Gina Grad]

Don't mind. I can help you get through some of that chocolate.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Those who don't know. Is it $1.99? Bottle of wine at Trader Joe's you can buy anywhere. Charles Shaw. I believe it's right, but we still have cases of it. And, well, maybe that's because no one would drink it at my wedding, but that's how I roll.

[Gina Grad]

So I'm the same. I'm the same way. Look, my feeling is if the stuff at the Whole Foods is dramatically better, then so be it. But if it's the same shit, if not worse, then just go to the goddamn Trader Joe's.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I actually have a theory. Whole Foods employees are, like, really cool. A lot of them have dreads. A lot of them are able to dress in their own clothes. And at Trader Joe's, they have to wear those Hawaiian shirts. So I think that maybe freaks people out a little bit, and they think that they're going to a supermarket where people have to wear uniforms right by the Way. I don't know if you ever recall, but at Trader Joe's, used to be able to. If your. If your receipt ended on 00, you got a chance to throw a beanbag through. Through the mouth of a tiki thing. And you would get some sort of.

[Gina Grad]

Really?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Never. Never had that.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I don't think they allow that anymore because someone is suing over being hit by an errant.

[Gina Grad]

Sure, of course, of course.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

But I want to say my wife.

[Gina Grad]

But it's like a Jimmy Buffett concert going to Trader Joe's for those of you who'd never joke at him.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You got it.

[Gina Grad]

And it's good. It's like, you can't believe the beer's this cheap. You can't believe the produce is this cheap. You can't believe the vodka is this cheap. And every time I say to someone, wait, I don't get it. How come I can go to Trader Joe's and I can get a six pack of Grolsh for, like, 5.99, but if I go over to the Ralphs or The Lucky's, it's 8.99.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Well, and Ralph's is not that bad. There are other ones that are way up there. Gelson's is like.

[Gina Grad]

And then I go. I go, how is that? And then someone always goes, volume, man. And I go, but wait a minute. Gelson's is twice as big as Trader Joe's. And then they go, oh, well, then I don't know. I do appreciate the guy who attempts to offer an answer, who does not know the answer, and then gives up on it almost immediately.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I actually have a little trick. So my wife is very healthy and holistic with the kids. We actually have a Smart and Final out where we live. And that actually, in terms of pricing, puts Trader Joe's to shame. I mean, this is like, if you want to get some deals, Smart and Final is. Is your spot. I have burlap, Whole Foods, recyclable perfect bags, shopping bags, because you're not supposed to ask for plastic. And what I do is I go to Smart and Final and I buy produce, and then I put it in the burlap bags, and I walk in the house, and my wife goes, oh, you went to Whole Foods? Oh, you're always so cheap. I'm so glad. And I'm like, oh, I just. I'm thinking about the health of our kids.

[Gina Grad]

I really think with women. And I know this. I know. I know it from my. I know it from my shampoo experiments. They know. They work A certain way. Like I say to my wife all the time, why do you gotta use the. I've seen John STOSSEL do the 2020 reports that John Stossel's my boy. Yeah, he's my boy too. And it's like the $2.99 Suave Shampoo's exactly the same as the 1199 Pantene. And she'll just go, it works better on my hair. I know it. And like, it doesn't. It doesn't. They'll go, I know it.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Chapter in Adam's book, you should only wash your hair once a week.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you what. The aforementioned wheeze back there who's all of 46 years of age and has got a healthy, healthy head of hair. He has a brother who's younger than he is who shampoos like twice a day, bald.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

And Donnie, who's older than he is and from the same loins, big old coif of hair up there. And Donnie says this to me, and this is his. Donnie has one joke a year, and he used this one up about three years ago. Donnie said, do you ever see any bald bums? And I said, no. They all have the huge, crazy Nick Nolte mugshot hair. You're right. And he said, yeah, there you go. Do you think those guys are shampooing and conditioning every day?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And I go, you're gonna have the fucking prel lobby knocking on your door in about a minute, and it's going to be ugly.

[Gina Grad]

I got to say this, though. I had this. Here's what I had happened. I had a. As I'd expressed on the. On the show, I had an emotional moment on Sunday. On Saturday night, I took a steam bath at my house. I came out. Yeah, I came out. I'll tell you what's nice. You take a steam bath, go ahead and bring in your little MP3I whatever. And put your earbuds in and listen to your favorite music while you're steaming away. Very relaxing. I came out and my two twins were sitting on top of my bed, propped up, watching the tv. I sort of walked in behind them from the shadows, so the TV was illuminating them. And as I came in, the Kenny Rogers song, you decorate, My life came on and I started sobbing like I was having this emotional cathartic moment, staring at my kids. And my wife said, you know what? You're a great dad. I'm giving you a facial. And she got out her little. She said, lie down. Lie down on the Bed. First time she's ever done this. I'm gonna get the buffer thing out.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Is she studying to be a esthetician?

[Gina Grad]

No, no, no. She just said she's got this little buffer thing. And she said, I'm gonna give this with the, you know, crushed up skin.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Looks great by the way.

[Gina Grad]

Amazing.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It's glowing.

[Gina Grad]

And I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. And then she was buffing away on me and doing her thing and she said, no tears. She said, she said, you have really nice skin. And I said, thank you. And she said, you never do anything. My wife has a counter filled with soaps and creams and ointments and remedies and whatever. I don't use soap. I literally don't use soap. I don't use shampoo, I don't do anything. And she's like, your skin's. I said, that's cause A, I don't use all that shit. B, it's all bullshit. C, it's a 200 billion dollar year industry that's being all just promoted at you chicks. All this oil of Olay and all this shit.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And see, listen, no, Oil of Olay is like. You have no idea how expensive this shit gets. Oil of Olay, half an hour is like nothing. That is nothing. You can buy that at a cvs, a Rite Aid, right Now you go to a department store and you go to a cosmetics section and you. I went with my wife once and my wife was like, I need to get some moisturizer. We were in a department store and I said, oh, okay. So we went down to the cosmetics section, they brought out two. And when I say vials, I mean like minuscule.

[Gina Grad]

A quarter ounce.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I don't even. I'm not Charlie Sheen, you know.

[Gina Grad]

I sure you don't know the metric system.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I can't give you grams, right? I can't say I'm gonna bang a seven gram rock right now and know what I'm talking about. But a little teeny weeny teeny vial, something out of like a sci fi movie where it's like the antidote is in this and then someone has to carry it across the world. And I said, I got this thinking, I'm gonna get off. I'm gonna say I went shopping with my wife and buy it and throw my credit card down and look like a big man. It was hundreds of dollars.

[Gina Grad]

It's insane. Hundreds.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And when I say hundreds, I mean high hundreds of dollars.

[Gina Grad]

It is insane. And, and here's what I know. And I'm not a chemist, and I'm not in the clergy. And I do know this. I do know nature wouldn't fuck with all of its creatures before oil of Olay came out. Meaning. I'll tell you the thing about nature. It's like our bodies, they pretty much work. Food goes in the mouth, Duke comes out the ass, whiz comes out the urethra. We're pretty good. When we get a cut, it scabs over. You know, there's. There's things that we do that our body knows what it's doing. And it. It did not. It was not designed to put a bunch of cream, rinse and conditioners and pab A cream and all sorts of moisturizing. You don't need to moisturize your face. Your body's figured that one out.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Jojoba.

[Gina Grad]

And I. Here's what I would love. I. I swear to you, I. I swear I. I was just thinking about this today. First off, most of it's just genetic. Secondly, you've, I'm guessing, never used moisturizer in your life. And your face looks better than most women I know who use a ton of.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

When I was a teenager, I had zits. I had a zit problem.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, but the point is, is you're not on anything. My face, I've never used soap on. As a matter of fact, when I do a show and they put makeup on me, I normally just wear it off. Like, I don't even. And when I go in the shower, I rinse off for like. For like 80 seconds and ran my hand through my. But I know you're. I just know in my heart of hearts that nature's not a bitch and she's not fucking with us, and you're not meant to shampoo every day, and you're not meant to scrub everything off and then reapply whatever. You're just. You're sort of meant to be left alone. And you show me a face that has never. Get Donnie in here. Let me show you how beautiful that bitch is. The point is, is I would love to show a bunch of people, women, a woman that did nothing but moisturize and scrub and clean and exfoliate and one that just left her shit alone. And you tell me if you could tell the difference after 10 years of doing it. Donnie's gonna come in here. Donnie's got a full goddamn head of hair and a shiny mug. Where is he? Is he in here? Is he probably eating pie around the corner?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Oh, he says he's Applying his moisturizer.

[Gina Grad]

He's putting his face on. That's what my grandma used to say.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

He's got a blackhead remover.

[Gina Grad]

How long does this take, by the way? Is he sitting there?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Here he comes. Look at him.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, there he is.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Look at that complexion.

[Gina Grad]

Look at him. Beautiful complexion.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Oh, my God.

[Gina Grad]

Not a pore. Not a pore. Full head of hair. I was just talking to Jerry about all this bullshit with the creams and the conditioners and the face creams and the exfoliating and look at you. Look at your hair. Look at your. 46 years old. You got a full head of hair. You have no pores. You have no don. Do you use soap? Do you wash your face down with soap every night? No. Is there. Is there a bunch of products sitting all over your countertop? Yeah, there is, but it's all my wife's. Right. Right. I dump some talcum powder on my balls and then I leave the house. That's it. There's no, like, scraping, rubbing, anything. I shampoo maybe once every two weeks, right? I'll wash my face maybe every other day. Three days, four days. I've never even used soap on my face. Like, it's. You don't. You don't need it. You're there. I think your body's supposed to have a little grease. As long as it's not offensive. That's the whole thing. Like, you're supposed to have a little. It's a natural barrier of protection. Yeah. Whatever comes out of your pores is coming out of your pores for a reason. You're not supposed to strip it away. It's sort of there. What does Jerry use? What do you do? Nothing.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I use tiger blood, man. Fucking tiger blood right on my face.

[Gina Grad]

Bet you NAB like an F18, baby. All right, show him that head of hair one more time.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It looks good. It really does. No, Donnie really does look like a teenager. Like, he could. Like I would card him.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Adam and myself discovered this decades ago. Adam probably discovered it by accident because he was poor. I discovered it because I was stoner and lazy. Yeah. But one bottle of shampoo will last me seven years, and that's just to wash my balls off. I'll tell you, brother, bald. Bald and hair falling out at, like, 28.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Hey, let me get back for a second about my wife being, like, the healthy eater. So a lot of stuff.

[Gina Grad]

Well, wait a second. Wait a second. Jerry, we need to take a quick break.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Oh, yes, quick break, because I want to joke about gluten and we're not allowed to have gluten in our house. But I don't know what it is.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know what it is either. You know what it. You know what it might be? It might be like, what. What balsam is to shampoo and what nougat is to candy bars. Gluten is to food. Like everyone knows what it is but doesn't know what it looks like. All right, quick break. Back with Jerry O'Connell in one.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

We screwed.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Nick, we can't let this woman down after all she's been through.

[Gina Grad]

Tell me about it. I had them leave off the dressing.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

We could have found you some dressing.

[Gina Grad]

Nick, I'm upset, okay? I like to eat when I'm upset. Now I gotta eat this. This bunny food, this low cholesterol crap, and it makes me more upset.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Oh, Zoe, why. Why is there shrimp on this pizza?

[Gina Grad]

Who put shrimp on pizza? Hey, the shrimp's only on my side.

[Adam Carolla]

And B, shrimp on pizza's yummy.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah, but it could have seeped onto mine. I'm allergic to shrimp. Haven't you learned anything from this case?

[Gina Grad]

Jerry O'Connell on the Adam Carolla show, the Defenders. Friday nights, 8:00, CBS. Jerry O'Connell is here. We promised to talk about gluten. And I agree. The bad shit on a pizza, Seafood on a pizza. One on a date, chick ordered clams.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Clams on a pizza?

[Gina Grad]

Not smoked or anything like that. Just clams on a pizza. Bad call. No, don't defend her, Jerry.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

No, I gotta tell you, I like a lot of stuff on my pizza. I think it's interesting and fun, and I'm a big pizza fan. And the more the merrier. I mean, I've had pineapple on pizza, ham on pizza, didn't mind it.

[Gina Grad]

I like the Hawaiian style pizza. I know it's blasphemy. If Jimmy Kimmel heard me talking this way. It had my head. I know. It's like, give me a glass of two Buck Chuck and a Hawaiian pizza, I'm happy. It's good. It's good. So be it. I like it. It tastes good. So shoot me. But now let's talk about gluten. And your beautiful wife not allowed to.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Bring gluten in the house. But I got to tell you, man, it's. This is.

[Gina Grad]

How do you know what's on or in gluten?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I don't even know what it is, man. I just.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know what it is either.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I have to tell you. I think it's wheat.

[Gina Grad]

It's wheat. Is someone allergic now?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I thought wheat was good for you. I mean, remember the whole wheat bread phrase? I mean, I'm sure you went through that in the 70s, like wheat bread was probably all you could eat.

[Gina Grad]

First off, it's this thing where. Here's the thing. So bad. Now, when I was a kid, water wasn't good for you. Like when you're working out and stuff, don't drink water, you'll cramp up. You know, doing wind sprints in the San Fernando Valley. 103 degrees. No, no, no water. Just a rinse. You know, cramp.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Water is. Yeah, tough habit to break.

[Gina Grad]

Then at a certain point five years ago, it's like you're not drinking enough water. You gotta drink eight tumblers of water every single day. If you carry a bottle around, weight and water. Now studies come out. Turns out people that drink water no healthier than the people that don't drink water. I mean, in place of high C or Mountain Dew, I'm sure it's good, but you don't need 90, 90 ounces of water every day. So it's like they can never figure it out. Used to be potatoes were good for you. Now, oh, that starch is going to kill you. Then it was all protein. Now you have to have a balance. The reality with diet is move around a little bit. I mean, here's the best diet. Don't be depressed, move around a little bit. Don't put so much emphasis on anything. If you have a piece of pie, you have a piece of pie. You don't have eight pieces of pie. You just have a piece of pie and you move around a little bit. And if you have ribs, you have ribs. You don't have nine ribs. You have three or four ribs and you have little smaller portions and you mix it in with a little exercise and you're good. And by the way, what are you doing? You doing a Schwarzenegger buddy film where the shirt's coming off? Well, you might actually be doing that, but I'm not. I just gotta lift my kids without my balls shooting out the bottom of my underpants and that's about it. But the gluten free now, Rebecca, is she allergic to it?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

No, very healthy. Comes from Northern California. Very healthy, right? But that said, the second I get my kids in the car, I go straight to McDonald's. I go right there. It's just. It's so easy, Adam.

[Gina Grad]

It's cheap, it's there.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

They love it, they love it, they eat it. Another thing with little Kids, I have two year olds. You can never get them to eat. They just like. If you put like a broiled chicken breast with steamed broccoli in front of them, they're never going to touch it.

[Gina Grad]

I know.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You're never gonna touch it.

[Gina Grad]

My wife had this moment where she came home the other day and she announced triumphantly, my daughter Natalia, she ate sushi. She loves sushi. And I'm like, oh, great. Get her hooked on the $80 fucking pop. Stuff gets. Great, Great.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

That's awesome. Whenever my wife is like, what, do you want sushi? Or do you wanna maybe just get a burger? I'm always like, burger, burger, burger. I was kind of feeling like sushi and I was like, nah, baby, I want a burger. And all I'm thinking is, I'm saving $100 right now.

[Gina Grad]

I know. And Rebecca, she's. What's she working on now?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Nothing much, man. You know, with those two little girls, she's really. Listen, last time I came here, I don't know if you remember, but I brought my kids, you know?

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And I want to apologize for that. I do. That was a little. That was a little crazy of me, but my wife was working full time and I was. We have a real thing in our house where somebody's not. Somebody's got to be at home with the kids.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And I brought them here and I. Looking back and after reading your book and getting to know you a little more through reading, in 50 years, we'll all be chicks. I want to apologize for that. That was. That was uncalled for.

[Gina Grad]

It was fine.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

But I also want to say, Adam, like the word podcast, that was close to two years ago. I haven't been on the show in.

[Gina Grad]

Has it been that long?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It's coming up on about a year and a half.

[Gina Grad]

Well, your kids were just a few months old. Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

The word podcast is. Has completely. The definition of it is completely changed in just a year and a half.

[Gina Grad]

It's weird how it didn't exist a few years ago.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Not only did didn't exist, but listen, you came from terrestrial radio and went to a podcast and it had a connotation of a downgrade. But I gotta say, I listened to your podcast religiously and. And it's a whole new world out there. I'm a big serious listener and I used to listen to that. I'd say when you came on, I'd say I'd listen. You were the only podcast I listened to. That and BBC News, I like their BBC News podcast. Just interesting. To hear what their news take is. But, man, since just in a year and a half, Your show is great. There's a couple other amazing podcasts out there, and I really. I pretty much split my time between. Between that other radio show, the other radio that I used to get, and podcasts in general.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I mean, obviously, everything is about getting what you want, when you want it, from the people you want to get it from.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You know how you want it. The fact that you're able to pick out guests. I mean, right.

[Gina Grad]

And you're no longer about buying a record and finding the good song.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You're on my BlackBerry torch, man. There's a photo of you on my BlackBerry torch. I can listen to you anytime I want to on my BlackBerry torch.

[Gina Grad]

Well, let me ask you, Jerry, because it's getting embarrassing for me. You're a celebrity. You're married to a celebrity. But you also realize in this town, there's just no guarantees. I mean, you can go from, hey, you're on a hit show, to, hey, you're not on a hit show, to. I mean, for instance, my two neighbors when I lived up Beechwood Canyon were Patrick Dempsey and Jon Cryer. And this is a lot of years ago, and at the time, a lot of years ago, 1998, 1997, 98, 99, I lived, literally, it was one of these things where I lived further up and higher up on the hill than they did. I sort of looked down on their house.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

You had the high ground.

[Gina Grad]

I had the high ground. I had the advantage to turn the hat on backwards, like Marky Mark. And I was like, I felt bad for Patrick Dempsey. He lived in a sort of small rented house in, like, the back of another house. And he had his Rhodesian Ridgeback back there, and he's kind of living alone. And I was like, hey, man, I watched his movies when I was younger, and now he's living in this crappy house back here, you know, going out on auditions, and John Cryer wasn't. Ducky Boy wasn't doing much better. And then all of a sudden. And by the way, I had three TV shows. Now all of a sudden, Patrick Dempsey has, you know, he's Patrick Dempsey. And then Jon Cryer's Two and a Half Men. And then I don't have any TV shows. And now Jon Cryer's out of a gig because Charlie went nuts. I'm sure he'll land on his feet, but it's just crazy moment. It's just crazy business where one moment I'm sitting, I'M feeling sorry for Patrick Dempsey. The next minute, he's Dr. McDreamy and he's making rom coms all over the place. It's like, what the fuck happened? I blink my eyes. And same with Jon Cryer. He did a sitcom that came on Loveline. It failed the next year. It's like, oh, well, boy, I feel bad for this guy. And then, boom, he's Two and a Half Men. So how do you approach it? I know you approach it by eating burgers and going to Smart and Final with your Whole Foods bag, which I'm sure they love. But you and your wife basically in the same business. And in a weird way, as talented as you are, you're at the mercy of the business to some degree. It's just, hey, we're looking for a guy who's older guys, younger guys, taller guys, whatever. That's. That's it. And how do you approach it? I mean, what do you go, okay, look, you know, we got to save all our money. Or do you go, hey, man, we're talented and we got each other and you're talented, and hell, if wheels come off the wagon, we'll write a book.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

First of all, a. I'm a saver. I. I save my money. And, you know, listen, I've been in a lot of shows that have not gone, you know, only been on for half a season. Man, I was in one TV show that lasted, I think, four episodes on the air. That was it. Gone.

[Gina Grad]

People don't realize that that is more the norm than it is the exception.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Oh, totally.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I mean, that said, it's a tough. It's a tough business, and that's it. I mean, if you can't handle it, then you shouldn't be in the business.

[Gina Grad]

But do you think about, like, Rebecca is a beauty, but part of her deal, part of being a model and an actress as well. But part of it is a look and an age. It's something you'll grow out of. You're a handsome man, too, but it's the kind of thing that you're not going to be going after the same roles at 55 or 60 that you were going after now. And is. Do you think about it? Is there. Is there a conscious decision? Is there, you know, are you trying to get your law degree on weekends? You know?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Well, I, you know, I did go to law school.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, there you go.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And I went. I went a couple years ago. I swear to you, I had a year off. I consciously took a year off of work. Believe it. Or not. I was just about to enter here in LA at Southwestern Law, where the old Pollux Wilshire building is on Wilshire. And that was more just knowing I was going to take a year off and I just had to do something where I was with adults and just not watching Yo Gabba Gabba every night.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Talking a baby talk all the time.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

But, you know, it's funny, you know, I was in Stand By Me.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

With the. About the four boys.

[Gina Grad]

Sure, right. Yeah. I'm trying to think of the four. You had the. Corey in there.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Corey Feldman, Wil Wheaton, sadly, River Phoenix, who has passed. Sure, sure. And myself.

[Gina Grad]

Just saw it on cable a couple.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Nights back and it's a great movie.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Kiefer Sutherland.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Kiefer Sutherland.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And there we go. That's me.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Wearing a pair of 38. 29.

[Adam Carolla]

28.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

But it's funny, you know, So, I.

[Gina Grad]

Mean, you get out of the gate with your first movie, I'm guessing. Yeah, of course. And it's a wild success. I mean. I mean, that movie was universally loved.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And everyone's like, oh, love that movie. And so there you go. You get out of the gate. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like, do you have the conversation with Rebecca? Do you think about it? Is it. Is it?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Listen, you just gotta. You just gotta relax. It's just whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. You know, I. I have a college degree. I could go do something else if I had to first.

[Gina Grad]

I'm not $41,000 a year.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Well, listen, I mean, I don't really owe the bank that much. I.

[Gina Grad]

So your thing is sort of.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I only spend what I.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

What I know I can spend. I really do. Let me tell you that way. A lot of, you know, I get. I get offers from things that are. I don't think I should do. You know, I don't want to say in particular what they are because when you see me in them, I'm going to be embarrassed coming back here.

[Gina Grad]

But. Right. But listen, Burt Reynolds wouldn't be Mako Auto Body Paint commercials if he didn't have a couple of bad divorces and get in trouble with the irs. I mean, you can always tell when these guys get in a little trouble with the IRS or have a couple of bad divorces because all of a sudden they're in these horrible movies and they're doing commercials that they don't want to do, and they're kind of. It forces your hand.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah. And I'm not In that position, I just, look, I mean, Adam, you had a pilot that did not go last year. I listened very carefully. You ranted about it quite often on the show. I'm good friends with your producer, Dan Kaplow.

[Gina Grad]

Sure, Dan. Good guy.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Very good guy. So I talked to him often. We had a failed television show on ABC two years prior.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it happens.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Listen, if you can't fucking take it like, you shouldn't be in this business.

[Gina Grad]

No, you know, it's weird.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

It's tough. That initial sting is, it's because you take it personally. I am being, I am not being picked up. I am being canceled. They are canceling on me. But I mean, it's just, it's how it goes, man. And you just gotta relax at some point.

[Gina Grad]

And Rebecca where, like I know, she, she's being a mom at this point.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

She's being a mom. If something good comes in, we're just, listen, I'm, I'm a very cheap man. Also, I don't spend extravagantly, as you saw from my car outside.

[Gina Grad]

Two Buck Chuck @ the wedding.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Right, Chuck at the wedding.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

I, I, I really, I'm.

[Gina Grad]

Couldn't step up to some fetzer.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

There it is.

[Gina Grad]

Which I enjoy. But again, I would probably, you know, put some sort of decorative napkin around it or something.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

That's really funny. I, I, I'm anticipating I will never work again.

[Gina Grad]

And that's how you go through life.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Sort of come to terms with that. I mean, I know I've been taking yoga lately, so maybe that's the yoga talking. But I, what are you gonna do? Like, are you gonna, like, are you gonna complain about these things and worry.

[Gina Grad]

About them and beat your head over them? Or I, no, you can't. I mean, look, you, you basically, you get philosophical, you realize that you're in a business. I tell people all the time I still do more shit for free than shit I get paid for. If you counted all the meetings, all the, hey, you gotta go down to Comedy Central 9:00 in the morning on, on Friday and pitch some guy who doesn't even deserve to be in the same room with you, your idea, while he sits there with his arms fold and turns it down. And then you can drive across town. It's not like you get reimbursed for gas, you know, I mean, there's still more stuff I do for free than stuff I actually get paid for. If you really just sort of broke it down, trip for trip and audition, whatever, that's part of the game, like that, that's just part of the deal. And a, we could all be roofing, so we're all lucky. I mean, there's this thing where you have to be philosophical, which is, I don't come from any money, so I'm gonna have to work, given that standing on a stage and telling jokes or doing a podcast or doing an animated show for Fox or whatever it is is a hell of a lot better than roofing. And so I'm philosophical about it. And also, I essentially ended up in this weird position where I had to treat my sense of humor like some sort of commodity or t bill that I had to cash in. A year or so ago, I had to go out on the road and do comedy, something I've never done before in my life, stand up comedy. I had to do what I had to do what a porn star does whose work dried up on the porn set and had to go start going to clubs and swinging around on a pole for $20 tips. And it turned out to be a life sort of changing experience. And I appreciate it. But it was this weird thing where for the first time, I had to sort of cash in my sense of humor. Like, someone would say to me all the time, why aren't you doing standup? And I'd go, I don't want to do stand up. I got 10 TV shows and 10 radio shows. I don't feel like. But for the first time, someone said, why don't you do stand up? And I went, I guess I should, and stand up. I did, and it worked out fine. But it was this weird thing. I felt like I was always sitting on this thing that I wasn't going to use. I was like, break glass in case of emergency. And behind it was my sense of humor. And it said, stand up on it. And I never wanted to use it. And now it's like, all right, you got to do what you got to do.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Well, listen, it's also exciting, too, because you're doing something that you're not familiar with. I mean, basically, what's the last really exciting, the truly exciting experience you've had in your life? Maybe taking the training wheels off of a bicycle and riding it without training wheels for the first time.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, no, I.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yes, I have said learning to snowboard and doing that, like, without falling on your face 15 times in a row, I've said this. Here you are doing something new. It's fun for you. It's going to help you exponentially in your career and your podcast. And you got to do it. You Got to hit the road.

[Gina Grad]

Well, here's my philosophy for everyone, which is when you become an adult, like as a kid, you. Only as a kid, people say, here's your classes. You can take math, you get to take English. You can take history and social studies and psychology and PE and ceramics, and you go, hey, man, I'm no good at PE and they go, tough shit. And you go, I am good at math, but you can't take five math classes just because you're good at math. You got to take English and history. And you go, I'm no good at English and history. And so. And says says, well, that's the point. Go get good at it. And then what happens is you become an adult. And once you become adult, you go, I'm no good at history, or I'm no good at math, or I'm not. And guess who's never taken another math class for as long as I live? This dude right here. So, by the way, I will cut out all the shit I'm no good at, and I will only do the shit I'm good at. And I'll never be embarrassed, and I'll always flourish, because I'll be a carpenter that's always working with wood, or I'll be an actor who's always on stage. And you don't have a counselor, a parent, or a school teacher going, fuck that you're doing. You're throwing a softball today. I don't care if you're shitty at it. And as an adult, you sort of have to be your own maniacal school counselor every once in a while, and you got to say to yourself, you know what? I'm no good at that. And then some part of your brain should go, maybe that's why I should do it. Go shove yourself out there in a situation that's outside your comfort zone and do it. That's a inspirational note, kids, and it's a good one to go out on. Jerry, Sorry I was a couple of minutes late. Can you believe your time? The hour just blew by, baby. Love it. We got to get a play date going because I got the twins. You got the twins?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah, man. And anytime, please, I. I reach out to you. You sent me a very short email. I realize you're a very busy man.

[Gina Grad]

Very short email means I. That was me replying, though. That's how you know. Because I'm. I'm a bad speller.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

But the defenders get on that because that email stuff is definitely here to stay. Texting, too.

[Gina Grad]

The jury's still out the defenders. Friday nights, 8pm on CBS. No, seriously, play date. And when I see play date, I'll get my Guatemala nanny to look after all our kids. We'll get 20 drunk and I'll ogle your wife. It's gonna be awesome. All right, that's Adam Croll Show 513.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll Show 519 with the great Bobcat Goldthwait.

[Gina Grad]

Or for old Loveline fans, Bob Scratch Goldfarm. Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game, live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Bet online. The game starts here. I'm in pain right now because I. I do something called the Survivor dance at the beginning of the show. Survivor, you know, where they go, oh, and here's how, you know, I'm. I'm getting old. I used to be able to just make it all the way through, you know, the very first episode, because that's the longest one because there's. There you go. There's 150 contestants. And now I have to kind of sit it out and wait until they get down to the final four and then I can do my dance. But I was sitting in my bedroom about an hour ago. My wife had it on TiVo and she said, come on, monkey, do it, do it. And the kids were there and they said, come on, daddy, monkey, do it. You know, and the Survivor song came on and I did. I did this move, you know, I did my, you know, certain point. My kids were going, come on, daddy. My wife's like, come on, let's do it. And this will work perfectly, this monitor, because my kids got this goddamn fortress castle, you know, princess caribou, whatever. And it's just made of reinforced. What that. And I'm barefoot. Just the little toe. Just a little toe. What the do we even need that little toe for? All the feeling is just the little toe catches the very corner of the top of the castle and Just mashes daddy's little toe back into his little foot. It was one of those we've all had this moment. Moment. Do I take my sock off and assess the carnage or let it be red? Yeah, there's. There's going to be. There's going to be grave psychological consequences to peeling back the sock at this, as a matter of fact.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

The toes may just spill out. Maybe the socks the only thing holding the foot together at this point. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm. I'm gonna walk it off before I assess the day damage. And then did the very sheepish sock peel and found a big red toe where my little toe used to be. But, yeah, I blame my wife. I talk more about it, but there's a lawsuit against Mark Burnett, and my wife and my kids should get Richard Hatch in there. Hatch. Anyone who's ever blown into a conch shell, like, all of them. Everyone. Anyone who's been to Hawaii. You're all, all. You're all on the list. All right, we're going to do a little bit of news, I think, and we'll show you how that works, which is really me sitting here and complaining and. Oh, me going, that reminds me of something to complain about. And then we'll bring Bobcat out and we'll get into that, and we'll. We'll finish up tonight with what can Adam complain about Live? You guys think. Think of ways to stump me. All right, Allison. What do you got, baby girl? Oh, we got an intro. International national news center next to Donnie's mini bikes.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the news with Allison Rosen.

[Brian Bishop]

First, a quick programming announcement. Tomorrow we have the Sledgehammer studio hijack. And the show will be free on ustream starting at 7:30. The Dan band is performing.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. You guys ever seen the Dan band perform? Yeah. No. No. All right. All right. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. They sing chick songs in a very masculine way. I like that word hijack because it's got the word high and jack in it. You know, two very strong words. Alone. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

But in together.

[Gina Grad]

They're together. Man. It's like a Reese's peanut butter cup.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Chocolate, fine. Peanut butter, good. But together. High. Are you high? Yes, I'm high. Okay. That's good. Jack. Yeah. Thinking about jacking off, but high and jack. What Old man Winter say. Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to come up with another term for being high and masturbating in an airport. Patrick Warburton will be performing.

[Gina Grad]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

On the show. Performing. Probably like that.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Place ukulele.

[Brian Bishop]

And if you would like to see this tomorrow, just go to Ustream tv. Acebroadcasting.

[Gina Grad]

Look at you with your little iPad.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, it's great until it doesn't work and then we're all fucked, right? But that's not the case right now. So Charlie Sheen fired from Two and a Half Men. People are, you know, speculating about who might be his replacement, if he's going to have a replacement. And it turns out that Sheen likes the sound of the rumors that CBS is reaching out to Rob Lowe.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, really? Well, yeah, you always want someone better looking than you to play your part. Like, if they're reaching out to Clint Howard, you're pissed off. They should do that just to send him over the edge.

[Brian Bishop]

That's like when someone tells me I was in their dream, I'm like, oh, what was I wearing? How'd my hair look? Or if they see, they tell me they see someone who they. They thought was me for a second, I'm like, what? She looked like?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you know. No, yeah, they should be. They should with Charlie and just go, well, so far we're looking at Clint Howard and Buddy Epson's court. Those are the two. Those are two players, the main players right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Neither of them are winning.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

So anyway, he called into K Earth 101 and said about Low. He's a buddy of mine. He's a beautiful man, a brilliant actor, and I hope he does it and kicks its ass because I still get. Get paid. Because, you know, he's insisting on receiving payment for the rest of the season. Uh huh. He also mused about how a replacement might work and wondered how the show would introduce the new actor. I don't even know if they would call the character Charlie anymore. How does the show transition? He asked Dan Patrick.

[Gina Grad]

I can tell you firsthand, whenever you have to come in and replace a comedy icon, it works out perfectly every time. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

And now the iPad is. Donny. This is why I need actual paper.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's your fault for using it for something other than porn. I mean, honestly, the thing was originally designed for porn. You're really stretching its boundaries now.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, it's good that I know this story. It's in my head. I don't need it right here. Michael Salahi, the. The White House party crasher, remember her?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah, yeah, the crazy blonde chick. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, she was booted from celebrity rehab because it turns out that she doesn't have an addiction.

[Gina Grad]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that was my reaction.

[Gina Grad]

She crashed Dr. Drew's Pasadena bungalow.

[Brian Bishop]

She got the boot.

[Gina Grad]

But why don't you get no play, player? Wow. Yeah, she got booted. But he's had had people on there that were, like, addicted to peanut M and M's and addicted to love. She had.

[Brian Bishop]

Rachel Yucatelle. Yeah, she had.

[Gina Grad]

She was addicted to Mystic Tan. What was she addicted to? Blowing golfers. She.

[Brian Bishop]

What was. She was addicted to love.

[Gina Grad]

I, I. That's the point.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? And lip gloss.

[Gina Grad]

All right, all right. Yeah. So she got. So they actually said, you've got to be addicted to something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they said that the show was. This is unreal.

[Gina Grad]

I feel like. I feel like I could pick up an addiction if somebody said, like, hey, man, you got to leave the club unless you're addicted to something. Like, the next 10 minutes, I'd like, all right, well, what do you got? And what. Give me some of that Captain Morgan's or whatever's behind the bar. I think I could hop onto something pretty fast.

[Brian Bishop]

Here was their statement. The treatment program that Celebrity Rehab documents is intended for individuals with substance abuse and addiction issues. Producers were advised that Michaela Salahi met the criteria to be treated in this setting. However, professional assessments found that she did not meet such criteria. How could she be too sane for Celebrity Rehab?

[Gina Grad]

It's a very good question. I got to go to CNN tomorrow to do some sort of, like, welcome Dr. Drew Montage or something, because evidently this ass wife has his 11th show. Now. How many shows shows does Dr. Drew have? He's doing an another show. This is just a news show. Rehab. He's got the post rehab and the pre rehab. He's got, of course, Loveline. Yeah. See, this is a guy, no matter what he says, he does not want to hang with his wife. You show me a guy with 26 jobs, I'll show you a guy I can't stand his old lady.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. He went on his second honeymoon and came down with swine flu.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Or so he says.

[Gina Grad]

Right. You know how many jobs Tom Brady has? One takes three months out of the year, and then he's back on Giselle.

[Brian Bishop]

And you don't have any.

[Gina Grad]

I don't have any. So I really love to. Wait a minute. Poked a hole in my own theory.

[Brian Bishop]

So thanks.

[Gina Grad]

This is.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the best ever. Thanks to a German company, you can now purchase authentication. Cow farts in a can. Your prayers have been answered.

[Gina Grad]

Finally. Finally. I like the twist. Top bottle myself, but all right.

[Brian Bishop]

The cans cost five pounds a pop. If you're in England and can be ordered from the website Stalldift.de clients are mainly country people who have moved to the city and want to be reminded of home. One advertisement boasts simply put your nose to the tin and peel back back the lid for the authentic smell of the country. And the company's also planning other smells such as horse straw, pigs and manure. But they think cows will be their big sales maker.

[Gina Grad]

This is oh good spin off for a show. Brown Acres. Thank you. This reminds me, the greatest can ass story of all time. Many of you have heard it before, but tough shit.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Are there a lot of contenders? Canned ass story of all time.

[Gina Grad]

It's definitely top 25 for best coffee can ass story involving a late night show host. I was at my house some years back when I was a bachelor and just living up under the Hollywood sign just over there about three miles. And I had a little poker night with the fellas and had all the guys had Kevin and Bean. Well, not Bean. Bean doesn't leave the house. He just sniffs his cow's ass. He does have cows. But Kevin of Kevin and Bean was there. Jimmy was there. A couple other guys were there. We're playing poker. And then when everyone else Left at like 1am like an old gay couple, Jimmy and I were left behind cleaning up my house. And Jimmy's like busting dishes. And I was standing at the sink and then I moved over and went in and got some ashtrays and whatever. And Jimmy was at the sink. And I saw Jimmy at the sink and it was in the corner, his back was to me. And I had a big fart coming on. And Jimmy loves fart humor. He, he adores fart jokes. And I had one of those cylinders from Trader Joe's, the kind of, the whole, whole beans in them. And it had about four beans rattling around at the bottom of it. And I popped the cap off and I planted it on my ass and I actually twisted it and got an airlock on it. Like, it actually locked on like going, you know. And I did it.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Your ass is threaded.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I knew it was.

[Gina Grad]

I'm asking the question the audience. Yes, yes. And. And I just locked it on to my ass and I just did a. Filled it with my ass. Filled, filled. Popped the cap on as fast as I could. And then I said to Jimmy, jimmy, want to smell some fresh roasted Sumatra bean? And let me tell you something. Here's the thing. When you get, when you get people to try to smell things, they're, they're tentative. They're normally like, you know, if I said, hey, man, smell this bottle. You kind of go, waft it. Yeah, right, right. But coffee cans. People bury their face in coffee cans. You will. You will do it like it's your last breath. You'll do that. There you go. I mean, you'll actually can see a ring on a guy's forehead and under his chin, you know, just like. And he just did. I go, jimmy's a whole bean. I rattled it around. It's got the picture of, like a rainforest on it, Big toucan, you know, and he popped a lid and Jimmy shoved his face into the can. He did the. And then he just. And he did. And this the best part. You know, they talk about, you know, you know, giving birth and having children or winning the super bowl or getting married or any of that stuff. It all pales in comparison to that part where the person's brain has to catch up to what just happened. You know what I mean? Hold his head back. Gave a look like, like, like that thing, like where you think you're taking a swig of orange juice, but it's milk or something, and your brain cannot catch up to what happened. Your nose. He pulled his head back and he made this face like. And then he realized very quickly, I, thankfully, was stoned. And this. Yeah, Hi, Jack. This made being stoned so much better. Like, being, being stoned is good on its own, but farting into a coffee can and getting Jimmy Kimmel to literally inhale the coffee can when you're stoned took the stone thing. Thank you. I know. It was like Masterpiece Theater. And then Alistair Cook walked into the kitchen and he started to narrate. Then Jimmy and I held hands and we bowed together and there's applause and flowers hit the, Hit the kitchen. But that I, I, I never laughed so hard. My goddamn life is truly the greatest moment of my life.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you ever quite.

[Gina Grad]

Since the coffee can. I'm scared to, like.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you afraid that, that the pressure from farting into the can. Well, it'll go back into you. Like what I'm thinking like a Reese.

[Gina Grad]

Witherspoon movie where she falls in love with a guy and then he dies, and then she's scared to love again.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you been scarred by can farts?

[Gina Grad]

No. No. I'm just. It could never be that good. You know what I, I mean, it could never be. It'll, It'll. The next. You'll never know.

[Brian Bishop]

You'll never.

[Gina Grad]

I know. I'm telling you, Mark Ruffalo, next time I fart into a coffee can and somebody smells it, it will not be as good as this. And I want this memory I just threw up in my mouth. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And you guys know what I mean, right? Yeah, absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

Explored that, like, trapping farts and objects thing, which I feel like I've been missing out. How long fart lasts than it can?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, how long? Well, ask the guy who's selling the cow farts. I mean, out of Germany. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Or we should ask Mr. Owl. Yeah. I mean, I'll tell you where.

[Brian Bishop]

You like Jimmy. Jimmy.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, once you snap, let's put it this way, you do the ass lock thing, fill it up, snap the lid on and go smell that. It's about a 3 Mississippi before it gets into his lungs. And that I can tell you, at least for that length of time. I could not tell you, if I came back 10 minutes later, what it would smell like. I don't want to chance it. You could lose the fart. You know what I mean? Right. You could be bitten by your own snake. You could fart into a coffee can, put a lid on it, do an experiment, come back a half hour later, smell it. And smell nothing. And then what? And then what? And then what? Just air.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

Okay. All right. So now you understand how ridiculous that statement was. Jesus Christ. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, then, a Romanian housewife who's now 25 is believed to be the world's youngest grandmother.

[Gina Grad]

I got a story about her. We were playing cards.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

She's 25.

[Gina Grad]

She's a grandmother.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she's the world's youngest grandmother. Rifka Stanescu was. Yeah, she was just 12 years old.

[Gina Grad]

We got to go out of the country to find a white chick. Sad, right? So sad.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of country stories tonight.

[Gina Grad]

She's Romanian, huh? Yes, 25. So let's do the math.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, no.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, you got the math?

[Brian Bishop]

I have the math.

[Gina Grad]

All right, let's hear it.

[Brian Bishop]

She was just 12 when she had her first child.

[Gina Grad]

Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. Cannot judge.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's where the plot thickens. Despite her protests. So despite Rivka's protests, Maria married at age 10 and gave birth to her now 2 year old son a year later. So Rivka herself married. Oh, wait, no. She was 11 when she married her husband, who was 13. Sorry. Her daughter.

[Gina Grad]

Which is it? Right. Eventually she's going to be younger than her great granddaughter.

[Brian Bishop]

And then they can hang out.

[Gina Grad]

Just Brenda Buttons.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

So, thank you. Took a second to Sink in.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm still thinking about farts. Still, she. So she who herself had her daughter at such a young age and got married at so young, did not want her daughter to follow the same path.

[Gina Grad]

It never happened. Happens this way, right? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But I am happy to be a grandmother, but wished more for Maria. She is quoted as saying.

[Gina Grad]

So she got pregnant at 12, is what, 11 or 12 as well?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she was 11.

[Gina Grad]

You know, you're setting the bar low when you're like, could you at least wait till 14, sweetie? At least the ripe old age of 14. You know, you'll be out of the, the eighth grade by then. You kind of have your head straight. You, you know, a couple, couple short years before you get your learner's permit, you know, I'll get you a donkey for your sweet 16. You know, you'll be off on your own. You have a little independence.

[Brian Bishop]

That's like the golden years.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

16.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know.

[Gina Grad]

And you know who's the dude? Some hot 13 year old Justin Bieber.

[Brian Bishop]

He was a. He's a jeweler and he's 13. But see, he's not even there.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, he's not.

[Brian Bishop]

He hit the road.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, she's too old for him. So. So wait a minute. The one chicks, the grandma, the thing underneath it is. Wait a minute.

[Brian Bishop]

That. I think that's her other kid.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, okay. It's very confusing picture.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Either way, I'm sure they're a delight and they'll land on their feet. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So you know, Julianne Moore is set to play Sarah Palin.

[Gina Grad]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

In an HBO films adaptation of the 2008 election tell all book Game Change, written by Mark Halperin and John Heileman.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And she's the first member of the cast, which will also feature people playing Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and John McCain.

[Gina Grad]

Hmm. I'm trying to think who's gonna play McCain? Well, Barack, you can get. What's the name from SNL play that?

[Brian Bishop]

Fred Armisen.

[Gina Grad]

Fred. Yeah. And then I don't know. Well, McCain. Just any old. Right. Like any old super white guy with a comb over Mickey Rooney. Yeah. I was thinking, speaking of, speaking of Mickey Rooney, and I was, I did Bill Simmons's podcast today and we're laughing about Nick Cage's hair. And then we started thinking about everyone else's crazy hair. Maybe just got the guys got the mullet or the uncle that's got the crazy mohawk. And I thought there should be something called a hairvention, which is sort of like the Charlie Sheen Drug intervention, but just a hairvention. You know, whether it's the chick who still got the crazy teased out 80s hair or the guy again with the bad comb over. Just, we all know the person that's got the, the bad hair. And you know, it's like your friends, your loved ones, couple co workers, you know what I mean? They call you in, they say, yeah, you know, come on down. We're going to, we're going to, we're going to play. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's just, there's Vidal Sassoon or somebody waiting at that point. But, but a hairvention. And they would. Thank you for it. They would struggle at first, but after they were darted in the setting went into their blood, they would wake up happy.

[Brian Bishop]

I put them under to do the intervention.

[Gina Grad]

I was, I had a hairvention.

[Brian Bishop]

You did?

[Gina Grad]

I had, I had a hairvention at the super cuts. Me too. In North Hollywood. Yeah. And he's 12. I had, I had a woman change my hair.

[Brian Bishop]

What was it like when you went in?

[Gina Grad]

Here's what happened. Okay. You have to find some pictures of the Brady Kids hits because this is the path, the arc that my hair traveled. I had straight hair as a young lad. I did, I had a little. If you see pictures of me when I was little, I had straight hair. And I was cute, too, back then, too. Something happened. I think the Clinton Howard thing sort of happened along the way. But I had, I had straight hair. And then just like the Brady boys did, season one of the Brady Bunch, remember then season two, that started to get a little bushy. And then season three. All right, it start now, there was a bad season before the fro where they just started like mashing it down because they didn't know they had curly hair. They thought they had straight hair that was getting away from them. So I spent from about the fifth grade, maybe to the tenth grade mashing my hair. I look like Darth Vader's helmet. Like just crazy bad mashed Jew fro hair. You see, they had straight. And they started. If you, if you, if you look at Greg Brady's hair, his was straight at the beginning and then started and then it went nuts. But he had some bad hair seasons in there. Point is, is I went down to the super cuts in North Hollywood and I said what I said every time, just cut the curls off and mash it down. It's all out of control. It was like I didn't know what to do with it. And anyway, she cut it Short. She got it wet and she did. She went like with it and then said, don't touch it and walk home. By the way, the place of goddamn place was on. On like Oxnard in Laurel Canyon between Burbank and Laurel and Ox. I walked all the way there from a place on Laurel Canyon. Anyway, by the time I got home, I had Greg Brady in the last season of the Brady Bunch. There it was. And then everyone said, hey, you got a permanent. And I said, no, it was always this way. I just didn't know it. And that was my hairvention. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. You too can have one. All right. Should we. You want to do one more and we'll bring Bobcat out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. A new study conducted by researchers at University of Arizona found that 887 shopping cart. Of the 87 shopping cart handles examined, 72% had markers for fecal matter.

[Gina Grad]

What percent? 72% seems low. It must have been going to like the Gelsons or the whole food.

[Brian Bishop]

Whoever was crapping on the shopping cart missed a few.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And that, that is actually more than you'd find in the public restrooms. So essentially what they're saying is the shopping carts have more germs than a public restroom.

[Gina Grad]

All right, I'm going to go into song now for a second. Now I'm standing up because I'm pissed off. I've said this a million times, Brian, please fucking back me up. All you ass wiped. Opening the door with your foot. Use your fucking elbow to think doing this shit like you're some kind of surgeon general to get out of the men's room. The fucking all. All this stuff. Meanwhile, there's everywhere. It's all over your keyboard. It's everywhere. Guys taking a. I like, like this one. I like when the ass gasket is gone. And so they do a little decoupage. You know, they take 2, 000 little pieces of toilet paper and they put it all around it like they're building a pinata from scratch. And then they do that thing. They're flushing with their foot. They're opening the door with their foot. They're open the door with their ass. They're not touching anything. How many fucking times I got to tell you? There's shit everywhere. There's all over this mics, all over my hands, all over the beer bottle. When you eat anything, when you eat a potato, where do you think that shit came from? Came from the ground. And some diseased, undocumented Guatemalan guy picked it up and he Threw it in the back of a UP truck. And then it traveled on the open highway from. From the valleys, deep, deep, deep valley into some guy. And there's a bunch of guys with GEDs took them and picked themselves and scratched them and all this. And you shove all this in your mouth. I. It's like I say, like they do. What the. You take the ketchup packet, you shove it in your mouth, you put it all over the box, you dip your fries. But then when you go to the bathroom, oh, look out, I gotta get a paper towel and open the door with the bathroom. You're delusional. Everybody. There's everywhere. If it was gonna kill you, it would have killed you already. And by the way, expose yourself to it. It makes you stronger. Thank you. We're killing ourselves with this Purell bullshit. It drives me insane. Other than that, I have no thoughts on this story.

[Brian Bishop]

The awareness of germs that you have brought to me, which I had never thought about before, is that when someone blows out the candles on a birthday cake.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. Yes. I, I'm. I. I did the bit on Letterman 10 years ago, but I thought. And it may have. May have been in the hammer too, but I'm going to repeat myself again.

[Brian Bishop]

It's in your book too.

[Gina Grad]

It's in the book too. Thank you. I also was thinking about it moments earlier, but. Thank you. The novelty candles, the ones that blow out and then they reignite and then everyone, some. Some guy, some J jokester put the knob mucus. And then other people join in, help. And then there's like nine little kids with tuberculosis and you're laughing. I like the guy who did. It's laughing. Give me a little. Give me another piece of mucus cake. I'll have another piece of mucus cake. Here's my point. If that was lasagna. If that was a pan of lasagna and there were nine little four year olds gang raping it with their fucking mucus, would you have a piece of lasagna or would you head to the Olive Garden somehow? Cake. I was just saying this earlier today. What they need to do is have Purell make frosting. It's just. It's really texture. It's not really about taste. Anyway, they could make pure. Al could make a frost frosting that tasted good enough for four year olds. That's all I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

And yet. Brilliant.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, thank you. You've convinced me, Alison. I was gonna crap my hands this. So I'm guessing people scratch their ass and then grab the the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I get.

[Gina Grad]

Or.

[Brian Bishop]

Or they somehow, you know.

[Gina Grad]

Well, they're not defecating.

[Brian Bishop]

No. But they could transfer it to their face if they switch. Scratch their face or, you know, everyone is like now coughing into the crook of their arm.

[Gina Grad]

Huh? Yeah. How do you get the fecal matter on to the shopping cart? Is that just hobos taking it out first for a spin or is that you and me?

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's us. That's what I'm saying. Somehow you have it all over your hand.

[Gina Grad]

You scratch your ass.

[Brian Bishop]

It.

[Gina Grad]

There's, there's everywhere. There's, there's. There's. There's multiple levels of the ass scratch. There's this sort of light cheek kind of one. And then there's digging for gold, you know, just crazy. I don't care who's watching.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the location of the itch, really.

[Gina Grad]

Right, right, right. Well, anyway, the point is, is there's. There's fecal matter everywhere. And I say less, but less in.

[Brian Bishop]

Public restrooms than on shop.

[Gina Grad]

Shopping cart. Right. So that's why I do my shopping in public restrooms. Okay. Because I'm smart and crazy like a fox. And I say because there's fecal matter everywhere, instead of running from it, embrace it like I do. Hug it out with the fecal matter. Make it your friend. It builds you up. It's the germ equivalent of a push up. It hurts, but it makes you stronger.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right. I actually do the decoupage on the toilet seat sometimes.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But then the thing is, you can't move too quickly or else you'll create a breeze that'll then blow.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Like when you plop down. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I don't like the fact that the magic eye that's in those toilets have eliminated the courtesy flush that you ever do. This one where you're waving the arm. Come on. Come on. I don't want to get these other truckers at the stop pissed off. I've done some. Having a breakfast burrito this morning. I'm doing some serious damage in here.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's not even the courtesy flush. It's that as soon as you sit down, it flushes. So you get like a shower, and then when you want to flush, it doesn't flush. So then you have to hang out and. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Try to walk in front of you. Yeah. This. This thing you're doing in front of everything. Yeah, I agree. All right, so there's fecal matter on shot. But here's the thing. Whenever they look for anything, they find something. Like if somebody. If somebody says, hey, we're gonna go see what's on the average keyboard or the average payphone or the average shopping cart, they never come back with nothing. Boss, we got nothing. It's always something. It's always horrific. And then they put it in the news, and then we're all supposed to be freaked out by it. And this to me means. Well, now we're gonna have to push along our shopping carts with our foot or do the weird sleeve thing. Or do all that and make it that much worse. No. Embrace the fecal, everyone. The rim of that glass, man. Covered in fecal matter. You know what? Have another drink. Ain't gonna kill you. It'll make you stronger. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

It didn't say what markets though. Right here in the United States. Huh?

[Brian Bishop]

University of Arizona did the study. So some kind of up Arizona market.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, well, you either go there and you get fecal matter or you get shot. That's the deal about Arizona. So not shopping in Arizona anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

I have to say, lately, Arizona is like neck and neck with Florida for up stories.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it really. It. It attracts a certain breed. Gun toting, fecal wielding breed. A cat. A cowboy. Yeah, reach. I keep a little dookie in my boot in case a. In case someone accuses me of cheating at a card game. All right, should we bring out. You good. We got the outro.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah, we were number one in Arizona.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, really? Coincidence. Yeah, probably. Probably not. All right. You good?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Who the are you?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, there's more news with every Allison Rosen coming up. All right. Put my old man reading glasses on to bring out one of my dear, dear, dear friends. Bobcat Gold. Wait, everybody. Great to see you, Bob.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's great to be here. I. I didn't know that was my introduction, but you know how the feal matter gets in the grocery cart handles from people farting in the coffee cans.

[Gina Grad]

What? Damn it. I knew there was. Bob tied it all together crapping in that coffee can.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the crowd is really weird looking at me like. You know what? You don't look the same either. Let's just. You know what? You were talking about the hair, right? I. I actually brought. Now I'm bald. I don't think I'm faking out people wearing a hat, right? I'm not Brett Michaels. I'll just wear a brand new Anna. These fours will never catch on. Yeah, but do you have. There's a. I brought my license and what I Learned the other day.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that they won't ask a man to take a. To pay off at the like.

[Gina Grad]

Wow. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That's really my license.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't that nice?

[Gina Grad]

Wow. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like a metallic toupee. It cost 14. They could tell that something was weird. So the guy goes, hey, take off your glasses. So I took him off and that's why I'm kind of laughing. But this all started with my daughter because my daughter went in there and waited 40 minutes and with like a. She had her face all twisted like a stroke face.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, kept it twisted. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

For 40 minutes. And the guy goes, smile. She goes, I am smiling.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So her license is pretty cool.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Because you can't. If you're going to go with the stroke face, you need to do it when you walk through the door.

[Adam Carolla]

Her commitment was that.

[Gina Grad]

And then if she gets pulled over, she's got to do start or she's just trying to get into a club. She's got to do the stroke well.

[Adam Carolla]

But also if she gets pulled over, she can get off. You know, Man. You know, just.

[Gina Grad]

What.

[Adam Carolla]

How fast was I going? You know? And right. Right slide.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't usually do the mentally challenged humor. I didn't think. I don't. I'm not one of those guys that, you know, I don't think the mentally challenged need to be taken down a couple notches. I have said they're getting all lofty those.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. They think their poo doesn't stink like coffee. I, I have said this many times that. And I won't work for me and it won't work for Bob. But it will work for many of you who are just out there getting jobs, filling out applications, going on interview interviews. First thing you do during the interview process is they go like, you know, what are your priorities? You go, my son Matt, he's my hero. He's. He's kind of reel it in a little bit. Sorry. It's just he's so brave. He's so brave. He's so much. He's so much stronger than I am. And you establish this mythical sort of non mind somewhere between 7 and 11 year old Matt and, and, and no one's ever gonna go, I want to see a doctor's report or what, is he full tarred? Is he half tarred? Like what's going on with this kid? We talking about down syndrome? Like, what's going on? You just do that. He's throwing a few words like hero and he's brave and you do that thing where it's like he. You know, he needs to. He needs. He's homeschooled. He's not unable to love a few of those. And then the world's your oyster because anytime you need a day off, like your team's playing the dog Dodgers or something, you just knock on the door and like. Bob, can I have a second with you? Matt's having a pretty bad day. Oh, no, no. Yeah, for sure, for sure. No, just don't. No, it's gonna be. What'd he do, crap himself? Tell us. What do you mean? I want to talk to Matt.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I tell. I'll try to make this quick.

[Gina Grad]

Take all the time you like. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And it sounds kind of hacky to be a comedian and talk about air travel, but I truly was on a flight going to New York where the engine blew up.

[Gina Grad]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

This is a true story. So, yeah. And the engine's like. And then the whole plane starts vibrating. Clearly I'm not the black guy from Police Academy, right? That's not the noise. It was like, thank you. I don't know. I haven't seen the rest of his act. All right? And. And then there was a rooster on the way, and Alons. Sprinkler, whatever. So the engine blows up. This is a true story. Engine blows up. And I go, like, well, before I freak out, because the whole point just starts shooting straight towards the earth and it's vibrating. And. And I go see what the flight attendants are doing. Like, if they're freaking out, then I'll freak out, right? So I look over, and the flight attendants are looking out the window. They turn around, crying.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

When did this happen?

[Adam Carolla]

This was last year.

[Gina Grad]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And crying flight attendants. Oh, by the way, you know, they always go, we're here for your safety.

[Gina Grad]

Fuck that.

[Adam Carolla]

These are checked out. They're like. They're holding each other's hands, going, always thought you were professional, Karen.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

And so the plane's creaming towards the earth. I know this is a bit. But it's a true story. The plane's cream towards the earth, and the pilot comes down, he goes, hello, ladies and gentlemen. He's all. Cause your pilot. There's no reason to be alarmed, right? We're going to land in Cleveland in three minutes. Now the voice is a reason to be alarmed. Like, I would have been less freaked out if that pilot got out and was like, holy. Did you guys feel that?

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

I go, yeah, geez. You know, we're on the same page. But he's like, no reason to be alive.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, if he was like, you know what?

[Gina Grad]

Keep your trays where they are.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't matter.

[Gina Grad]

Smoke.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead and smoke. Kiss a stranger. Rub one out in your seat, because I'm gonna try some shit I learned in pilot school. And like, I don't know. By the way, that is the voice of death. Like, if you were walking down the street and like, we came out of here tonight and a guy jumps out of nowhere and goes, I'm going to kill you. He's really not going to kill you. That's some dumb drunk jock that wants his buddies to pull him off you.

[Gina Grad]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Kill you. Calm down, Todd. He is not worth it. But if you walked out of here tonight and a guy came up behind you, went, I'm going to kill you. That going to kill you. Right? Yeah, I crap myself right there.

[Gina Grad]

No, I. I know enough to know not to be soothed by the voice face of the guy. Because when they pulled the black box with the flight deck recorder in it from the bottom of the Atlantic two years after the plane went in, some of the last conversations the guy was having was. Would be like, Cincinnati. We got both engines out now, so we're preparing for. And then. Then it goes. I mean, he's seeing the Atlantic Ocean coming at him at 500 miles an hour, and he's just going full flaps down. We're going to try to do a water.

[Adam Carolla]

They have a filter on that just changes.

[Gina Grad]

And we're just. Cincinnati. We're kind of going on. Yeah. Here you. You be the guy screaming. I'll be. I'll be with it. We're experiencing a little turbulence right now. We got winds coming out of the southwest about 8 knots. We have a fire. We have ailerons at 4 degrees. We've lost power in the number 3, 4, and 5, 6 and 7 engine. We're gonna attempt a water landing right now. We'll go ahead and put the reverse thrusters on. So, yeah, maybe there is a cop filter. Yeah. So.

[Adam Carolla]

But the thing is also, too, by.

[Gina Grad]

The way, wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're about to die. Yeah, that is the. You're gonna.

[Gina Grad]

Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't go, I'm really about to kill you. He was like, hey, can I get you another drink?

[Gina Grad]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Does this rag smell funny to you? Thanks for bringing it back, officer.

[Gina Grad]

I don't think. I think he used the coffee can, by the way, but go ahead. Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

So. So here's the part of the story where I'm going to lose some of the audience, but I. And I'm not. This is, this is not a story. This is a true story. The other people on the flight was the United States. United States Special Olympics Team. Now relax. I can't make it the cast of Loss, so you're more comfortable. It was 45 men and women in red, white, and blue running suits with medals. So if it wasn't the Special Olympics team, it was a really big hip hop group with down syndrome. So the plane's creating toys the earth. And the pilot goes, hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot. There's no reason to be alarmed. When we land in Cleveland, the Runway will be covered entirely foam. And at the very end of the Runway will be a fire truck. And this is 100% true story. I sat there and I thought, oh, this is the. I'm, this is the end of my life. I'm dying, right? And then swear to whatever I, I, I. Clear as a belly. I hear one guy in the back of the plane go, fire truck.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Made it all worthwhile.

[Adam Carolla]

Clear as a bell. And I'm by myself. Fire truck. I'm like, yeah, fire truck. He was excited. There was going to be a fire truck if we live.

[Gina Grad]

And foam, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and foam.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. I mean, there's nothing better let you slip Special Olympia than foam and a fire truck.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I know some people work with mentally challenged people, and I know some people have them in their family, but if you don't think they say or do anything funny, you're denying that they're human beings. That was the funniest thing I've ever heard another human being say.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, I, I'm the guy who wants to combine the Special Olympics with the X Games. I don't see why these guys can't go on that big vert ramp or any of that. You know what I mean? Just duct tape them to the skateboard and, you know, kick in the ass and, you know, to see what kind of air they can. All right, all right, all right.

[Adam Carolla]

I totally really.

[Gina Grad]

You'd watch, you would watch a spe. The Special X Olympics game.

[Adam Carolla]

I was once pitching something at some tv and I could tell that they weren't gonna buy any of my ideas. In the middle of it, I just pitched chimp rape.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They go, do you have any reality shows? I go, okay, so it's a chimp, and you put menstrual fluid on the guy's butt. But here's the thing. They don't know they're Being taped, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it is. I do recommend. I mean, whether it's a job interview or you're pitching a TV show, or you're just on a bad day, if it's not going to go well and there's not going to be a second one and they're not going to pick, you might as well just have a good time in the middle of it.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to go for the Hail Mary pass, right?

[Gina Grad]

I'm just saying, like, as far as your memories go, you know, you always have those memories where you go, oh, thank God I met this person, or, thank God I did this, or thank God I studied hard and got that degree. But I have many more, thank Gods I told that guy to off than I have any good memories.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Yeah, I have a lot of that. Like when I'm like, in the right perfect storm. Like once I was doing a show and Michael Bolton was the headliner, and I was on the same bell, and I'm thinking, well, I'm never gonna have access to Michael Bolton again, right? So, like, he's out there singing, like, pretend this is Michael Bolton. This mic stand let pretend it's up some black song. And I just walked out behind Michael Bolton while you're singing. I just grabbed him. I started dry humping him. I started. I grabbed.

[Gina Grad]

Grabbed his ass.

[Adam Carolla]

And so they tackled me and dragged me off.

[Gina Grad]

Wow, you opened for Nirvana and Michael Bolton.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Surprising.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, seriously, Michael Bolton.

[Adam Carolla]

Who else has done more heroin?

[Gina Grad]

Who else has that kind of range on my resume? Well, listen, here's the deal. If you can open for Nirvana, right, And you can open for Michael Bolton, there's no asking act. It's not like three doors down is gonna go, sorry, I don't think you can open for us. Because you all fall somewhere between Michael Bolton and Nirvana, right? There's no musical act that doesn't land somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Yo Gabba Gabba would be hard.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that's true. But other than yo. Yeah, I don't think there's a band that you couldn't open.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah, well, yeah, I got. When I was open for Nirvana, I actually got hit with a teenager once. Like, really? Yeah, they successfully threw a kid out of the pit. And all of a sudden my knees buckle and I look into this. This kid running off stage like a crab.

[Gina Grad]

How much time? Well, first off, when you're opening for Nirvana, I could imagine there was a lot of times when people said, you know, Bob, you're planning on doing 20 minutes, but Kurt's not here, so will.

[Adam Carolla]

You go Long will you go?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Like, did you. Just, like, 2 hours and 45 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

It actually, like, often it would be like the road manager would say, hey, would you go get Kurt? And I would knock on the door and say, hey, man, we're gonna do it. And I would hold his wallet, which was weird.

[Gina Grad]

You hold his wallet? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I would go out and do the show.

[Gina Grad]

But how much time would you. Normally, it would depend.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, if the crowd hated me, I wouldn't do that much time. Well, that's not true. Like, sometimes I'd bait them because now, you know, I know nothing about sports. So we pull into Chicago when Michael Jordan retired from basketball for the first time. And we don't know what's going on, because everywhere we go, there's these big signs. We still love you, Michael. And all this stuff. So I'm out there in front of, like, 5,000 Nirvana fans in Chicago, and I go, hey, I feel bad for Michael Jordan, but for $40 million a year, I'd shoot my own dad in the fucking head.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And there was a noise. It wasn't even a boo. It was just. Yeah, it was, fuck you, kill him.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, the pit stopped moving. And the only person laughing was Kurt. Actually, like, I walked by him and he's like, I can't believe you said that.

[Gina Grad]

It's funny. As a comedian, your impulse of, hey, it'd be funny to make fun of this sacred thing on the sacred barrel ground with.

[Adam Carolla]

With. With Michael Jordan. But it's always like, the problem I have in the middle of a show is I'm usually thinking about the story later, like, it'll be a funnier story.

[Gina Grad]

Sure, yeah. And now then. How many Nirvana sets did you watch? Or at a certain point, you just go, fuck it. I'm going backstage. Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I watched all of them because I could tell that was, like, something special, you know? I mean, I was like, really? I was really into it. I met Kurt before they broke. He interviewed me in a college radio station in Ann Arbor.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Because he was a fan of mine, which was really strange. It's like people finding out that, like. Like, that Jimi Hendrix really liked Buddy Hackett. You go, what?

[Gina Grad]

Right, right. But, I mean. No, I mean, but so he.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so he wanted to meet me and interviewed me at this college radio station. And then. And then we kept in touch a little bit. But then I opened up for a Cheap Trick and he said, well, I wish he would open up for us.

[Gina Grad]

So, wow. And. And how did you. How does that work? Do you just go out on tour with them?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, I was on tour. I was on the bus for all that time and stuff. It was pretty. It was great, you know, it was. The shows were pretty amazing too, and.

[Gina Grad]

And I thought it was funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, one time, yeah, one time, the night before the very last American show, they had smashed up everything on stage and a fire broke out and the whole PA is going. And these kids are going insane and they're not leaving the theater. And the promoter goes, hey, go out there and tell the kids the show is over. It's just like all the lights are on and it's like, oh, it's awesome, awesome. It's just this whole. All this carnage and. And I go out and I go, stick around. We're gonna be back in 45 minutes for the second show. This picture you have here. I actually wore the in utero wings when I repelled. And nude from the roof of the Oakland Coliseum on New Year's.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And I had those wings on.

[Gina Grad]

Wow. Should have worn those for your driver's license.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what I found out? If you're nude at midnight, you don't get a kiss.

[Gina Grad]

Like. Like what?

[Adam Carolla]

It was like a circle of people going, ooh, nude guy walk coming through.

[Gina Grad]

It's weird because right when I met Kimmel and right when I started, when I phoned up krock now, he must have died in April or May or May or June or some. Somewhere in there of like 94, right? Must. What was it May? Was it May? 94? Because the thing that. The thing that's crazy about the whole. The whole thing was. Is Jimmy. Jimmy's boxing match. When I met Jimmy Kimmel up the street at K Rock and I was going to work as a boxing trainer to train him, I remember I kept calling in to try to get in to the morning show. And the big deal was Kurt Cobain had just died. And so the, you know, the phones lines were flooded and they're playing all Nirvana songs and no one want to talk about anything but that. So for me, it's this weird, In a. In a weird way was. We see February to. Oh, he died. April. Yeah, April. Yeah, April 5th. Yeah. God. 27. 27 years of age. But I was just trying to get hold of everyone. So it's a weird thing. It's almost like I felt like I was born when he died in a weird way, because, I mean, your job is career, anything. I just been. I'd flatline for 29 years. 11 and 11 months. And then all of a sudden I met Jimmy and everything just sort of went through the roof. But it was weird that it was right at that, right at that time that he'd passed away and. Jesus. So.

[Brian Bishop]

Damn spirit jumped into you like that. Like that guy and Jim Morrison, that old Indian guy.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It's like somebody fart into a coffee can, but their spirit went into it and I just inhaled it.

[Brian Bishop]

Spelled gas. Kurt Cobain climbed in.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Grunge. All of me.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Yeah, that's what, that's what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

I, you know, you were talking about the celebrity rehab. I don't necessarily, you know, I don't know. I think Kurt had a lot of other problems and, you know, I, you know, Drew's a sweet guy.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, talk shit about him. Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I'll talk shit. Those people aren't act addicts. Do you know what I mean?

[Gina Grad]

Not, not, not in the way Kurt was, no, but I mean, they're not.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Verne Troyer is not an alcoholic. You know, he's short. That's his problem.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Verne Troyer doesn't need a 12 step program. He needs knees.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know what I mean?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, by the way, two thimbles of Cutty Shark a week and you're toasted. You know, when you're Fern Troy or something.

[Adam Carolla]

If I'm China and I, you know, if I'm a woman and I wake up one day and I have a clip the size of a thumb, right. I'm going to, you know, I'd be shooting dope that night, you know.

[Gina Grad]

Clitoral. Clitoral. Mia. I think it's called the worst superhero name ever, but I think, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

And also I like the, the, the, the Rehab with chicks and bikinis.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Yeah, I like that one too.

[Adam Carolla]

Be working on our 13th step today. That's banging bodies.

[Gina Grad]

I, I, I think every, every, every one of these rally shows is really pretty much just distilled down to, you're smoking over there, I'm smoking over here. You're getting on my last nerve. I'm getting in your grill. We yell at each other for a while. It almost comes to blows, but it never does.

[Brian Bishop]

And then someone has a seizure.

[Gina Grad]

And then someone has a seizure. And then we sit around at home and try to figure out whose fault it was. Like, like Bob's being a dick because he should have put away his paper plate. There's no way Adam should have. No, Adam's being a dick for. But it's really just watching people argue and almost Fight. That's essentially what it's all come down to.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? But also there's like. You sit there and invest, and I'm not above it, by the way. You invest an hour of your time watching someone that if you saw out in public, you would chill. You know what I mean? You go, oh, right.

[Gina Grad]

She's.

[Adam Carolla]

Christ, is that Paulie Shore? I gotta dodge out of here.

[Gina Grad]

Right? Shoulder roll. He's out here. Hey, Polly, what's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, no, it's gonna be a beef. What happens is, is my wife watches the marathon of the house where the Real Housewives tries to suck me in. I go, I'm not going to waste my life with this. I sit down on the corner of the bed, I start watching. I'm like that Camille Grammer walks around like she's the Queen of Sheba. And then you could do a time lapse thing of me getting further onto the bed and then me clutching the pillow and then me crying and hit tissues and then me yelling at the tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Must have been a real cunt.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, she must have been a hellacious.

[Adam Carolla]

Far later, we're still using that a.

[Gina Grad]

Thousand years on like we're still going to be using. Raising you is the benchmark of cunt. You know why?

[Brian Bishop]

Because she wasn't just a. She was royal.

[Gina Grad]

Well, this is my thing, Bob. I wanted to, you know, I wanted to change the kids pool game Marco Polo to Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Just because I feel like they. They don't know this guy opened the spice trade. Who the knows about Marco Polo? Yeah, I'd say it's time for Marco. Yeah, I mean, that's a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good idea.

[Gina Grad]

It'd be nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Knows that Eli Whitney invented interchangeable parts or the cotton gin.

[Gina Grad]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a game, right.

[Gina Grad]

If.

[Adam Carolla]

If dodgeball was named Eli Whitney.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, they know. They know about it. All right. Should we take a look at a couple of the man show bits you directed?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Gina Grad]

I got a list here, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Take a look, see what. Hey, while you're looking at. Can I plug. I'm taking a Showtime special at the Alex Theater in Glendale next on March 15th. If you want to come out, go to the website, say you heard it from a comedian, and then you'll get really good seats.

[Gina Grad]

If not Tuesday, March 15, 8pm and again at the Alex Theater.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't been on the road in a long time, but it's great because I get out in front of a live audience and there's a connection that I Make I ran out of money.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the alimony tour. So if you want to watch an 80s comedian tell some really funny Ronald Reagan jokes and you know, I open up with the Furby material.

[Gina Grad]

Pow. It is funny. I always laugh about this. Where they go, what made you decide to do Dancing with the Stars? Or what made you decide to write a book? Or why did you decide to get back in the stand up? And you go, I wanted money. Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like I never went to my dad.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, dad, what does.

[Adam Carolla]

What made you decide to weld that angle iron?

[Gina Grad]

Right, right. You need.

[Adam Carolla]

I needed a creative challenge and catholic and we crapped out five kids.

[Gina Grad]

So Bob, by the way, directed. Maybe I'll let people chime in here. Oh, you did. What would Adam do? I forgot about that one. That was, that was the ran out of toilet paper one. There's a funny story behind this. That one. There's I Dream a genie parody. We got sock puppet porn. Porkies2001. Oh, you did pure retro rock and rock.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I don't think I did.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I think I added that one.

[Adam Carolla]

That was one of the ones you shined.

[Gina Grad]

Let's do. What would Adam do? We'll start with that because it's a quickie and it had a, an alternate ending that Jimmy Kimmel was actually so offended by. He, he said we couldn't air it on Comedy Central. Should we take a look at that? This is. We would be on a sound stage in Hollywood at the Hollywood center studios. And this was a little series of sort of what would Adam do? Sort of like what would Jesus do? Or PSAs. Do we have that queued up? Let's take a look. The man show presents. What would Adam do? You're visiting your mother in law. She's out of toilet paper. Do you A, use your favorite magazine or B, use your sock? What would Adam do? That's what I would do. The poor cat. Yeah. It'd always be funny when we'd have to tell people whether it was like some 65 year old woman I was going to try to or some kid we're gonna with. It was always like we need your cat to do a funny comedy bit. But we never quite gotten to the details of what we.

[Adam Carolla]

That you're gonna be. Yeah. Wiping your.

[Gina Grad]

Bob would be directing. Grab. Grab the cat again. Adam, this time don't do it like you've seen a cat. Do it like you have an idea and you're reaching for something. You've solved the problem. You're a Problem solver. Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a problem solver on the set.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, the cat started fighting me as I was bringing it back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that cat wasn't very happy. Look at that cat.

[Gina Grad]

Now. We had a. We had a funny. We had a funny alternate ending as well, that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we shot one where you couldn't. You had like a piece of porn that was from your own private collection.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. I had like a jugs magazine and then I pulled a Bible out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And then I stood there and stared at each one and then I just shook my head and started tearing a page out of the Bible and. Yeah, we thought it was funny. Me and Bob thought it was funny. Jimmy was like, that's blasphemous. Like, Jimmy, like, Jesus, don't let the.

[Adam Carolla]

Atheists shoot anything together again.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta separate the atheists.

[Gina Grad]

Gotta get the atheists apart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. But I remember also, like, when we would send off bits for Comedy Central to get their notes, we would, you know, you put like four or five bits on a reel. So I intentionally put that as the first bit on the reel. And they didn't give us one note for anything else.

[Gina Grad]

Right. Like, what you, what you do is if you throw something out there, like, like, if you do, like I want to pitch a bit called Horny Nuns, then you'd do a. You'd say, but you know they're going to get pissed off. You'd pitch a bit before that call, Kill all Mexicans. And then they'd go, oh, no, no, no, no. They'd be so busy telling you you can't do the bit that you never wanted to do was just a red herring. It was a lost leaf leader. You toss it out there and then you would get to do the bit you did want to do.

[Adam Carolla]

But, but those ideas you used as the bait and switch are the ones I make movies out of now.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, those are the themes.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, a romantic comedy with a little bestiality.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, sure, why not?

[Adam Carolla]

Bob, everybody loves Robin Williams. How about, he's in a movie where there's auto erotic asphyxiation.

[Gina Grad]

Bob makes a very dark but yet palatable movies. And Bob has become quite a great director, by the way, I must say, because I see, I see all of his movies and they're really just well crafted, skillful, like. I mean, it's really just, it's, it's just, it's just amazing to see what you do and to see. The thing about Bob is you know Bob from. Or you think you know Bob from the police. Academy and all the characters and all the stuff. And then you see the movie. Brian, you're gonna chime in here for. I was gonna say, before the show, backstage, I asked Bob, hey, what's your next movie about?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And for the next 10 minutes, he proceeded to describe some of the most.

[Gina Grad]

Horrific, horrifying things ever and ended it with. And it's called God Bless America.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's a movie where there's a guy, like a middle aged guy, and he's at home and he's watching a show that's kind of like my super sweet 16, you know?

[Gina Grad]

Sure, yeah. MTV.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. With that there's always a horrible kid who gets everything she wants.

[Gina Grad]

She gets a Bentley and then she's pissed off because it's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the wrong color Bentley.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. This is anthracite and I wanted charcoal. I'm pissed now. Daddy, You've ruined my 16th birthday.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted an Escalade.

[Gina Grad]

You ruined everything. You're so stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's sitting home watching a show like that, and he drives 400 miles and kills that girl. And then, spoiler alert. And then her friend, not her friend, a classmate's going, did you kill Chloe? And he doesn't say anything. And she goes, awesome. So then they get in the stolen Camaro and drive around and kill people. We're hoping for Christmas.

[Gina Grad]

Sure, yeah, you gotta get that in the mall. Now, the budget, I mean, people give Bob good money to make these movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, well, you know what's funny is, you know, Darko Pictures is who finances my movie. And one of the producing partners is this guy. He's a very sweet guy. His name's Ted Ham and his family was Ham's beard.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

So when I went in with a new script, I go, hey, man, look, there's no pressure.

[Gina Grad]

By the way, darker, that's Tyler Perry's company. People don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Tattoo here.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I got no pressure to make the.

[Gina Grad]

Movie, but Hams, the beer refreshing hams, the beer refreshing hams. It used to be everything used to be to an Indian's Tom. Tom. It didn't matter. It's like if it was Douche Mare, dude, everything from the 50s, I don't care cigarettes douche. It didn't matter. Wait, don't you have another crazy tattoo somewhere on your body?

[Adam Carolla]

I have a lot of tattoos.

[Gina Grad]

But didn't you get a novelty one?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, well, that one's hard to show. It's. Robin Williams is my friend and he got a Chinese symbol. This is really hard to Show. And so I kind of teased him a little too hard.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

They got like a Chinese symbol for laughter. So then no one in the audience is going to see. So I got a Chinese symbol. I was like, hey, there you go.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's a Chinese, It's a symbol. It's like the one that would be in a, in a drum kit. It's a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, symbol.

[Gina Grad]

I right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hat with a super racist Fu Manchu and.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, that's his tramp stamp.

[Gina Grad]

It's a Chinese symbol. Wow. Yeah. Finally something to aim for.

[Adam Carolla]

I got. My whole body's just covered with. It's like, it's becoming like a NASCAR burn suit, you know, Ham's beer, your company name logo. I still have plenty of room for Fox Searchlight right. Somewhere on my body. If they're listening.

[Gina Grad]

Well, should we see another direction directed bit from now? You like I Dream a Genie? I like that one.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that because of the style.

[Gina Grad]

I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I wasn't familiar that I used so much wide angle comedy lens there. I might put that last one on my reel.

[Gina Grad]

It's I Dream a Genie parody. And I ran into the chick who played Genie in this at a, I think a stand up show in Irvine about. About six months ago. And her husband was with her. And it's this weird thing. She was like naked and on top of me. And it's a weird thing when the husband's like, yeah, she was naked on top of you. And you're like, yeah, she was. Yeah, she's hot. And it's a weird. I understand that it's nice to be with a chick that turns heads, but it's weird when she would. Last time I saw her, she was dry humping me and the husband's pushing her out in front of me. But this is a little I Dream of Genie parody directed by the great Buck Bobcat Goldthwait. Jeannie, I'm home. Oh, master, you look exhausted. Yeah, he never wanted any pussy.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think, master? You can have anything in the world, you name it.

[Gina Grad]

I would love it if I could get an extension on that Sputnik Report from Dr. Bellows. Your wish is my command, master. Genie, I'm home. Thanks for the extension. You are a lifesaver. Could you do me one more favor? Oh, yes, master.

[Adam Carolla]

I want you to feel really good.

[Gina Grad]

I can make you so happy. What would you like? Wow, I am so hot. Hot. Yeah, yeah. Could you run down to the store and grab me a cherry slushie?

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Here you are, master.

[Gina Grad]

Just as you request it. Wow. 44 ounces. Will that be all?

[Adam Carolla]

Are you absolutely positive there's nothing else you would like?

[Gina Grad]

Well, there is one thing. Well, remember how this is going to end? I'm going to put the ass back against for that. That's Bobcat. What happened to Genie? Yeah, Financial Crowd would turn on a dime when I did a. I did. We did some parody once.

[Adam Carolla]

Say Sundance director, ladies and gentlemen.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. There he goes. A guy farted. We got a theme going here. The guy farted Genie out.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy really burned his ass. Like this thing really burnt his ass. When we shot that, I felt really bad. But he was a professional. He stayed in character.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. It's great to be surrounded. And for me, one minute he burn.

[Adam Carolla]

His ass because we just like, we're really. You're pretty ghetto on the man show. We just stuck a thing in his ass and lit it. It's not like we had pyrotechnics.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. No fire marshal there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And one minute I had the hot chick on my leg. The next thing you know, I had the strapping Puerto Rican guy in my lap. We did a bit called Boys Gone Wild. And it was like those boys, you know, and it was like. It was like the whole spring break thing, but it was all dudes. And then, and then, and then the, the bonus compilation disc. It was like a parody of a late night show. Was nut sacks exposed, old man nutsacks. Like guys on benches, like serious. And I thought it was going to be hysterical except for the audience. Just immediately, as soon as we showed him, dudes just. Just turned on us. All right, I like, I like the Porky's one because. Because it involves stretching a penis around a cactus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And there's one shot here that's a little creepy. Let's take a look at it.

[Gina Grad]

And Bob, you're in this one too, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I played Hobo number two.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Bob put himself in. He casts himself. And our Porky's parody, I think it is more like Stallone and Staying Alive at the very beginning when he's just going. Yeah. When Travolta walks by. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or John Waters and Hairspray.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. More. All right, so here's.

[Adam Carolla]

Should I just put a slip on?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When I say like that. I love musicals.

[Gina Grad]

Here's a. Here's another Bobcat Goldthwaite directed man show bit. All right, I'll give you something to play with.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Jimmy, what are you doing?

[Gina Grad]

Uhoh. Wait. Study this scene forever. Hold still, man. She's coming for it. She's Drooling. Oh, I'm pulling the PE Is and I just love to have fun. Hey, hold still, man. She's going for it. Here she comes. That's Art. The. By the way, she's got it. She's got it. I've got you now, Jimmy Kibble. This was a tough one to get by Debbie Liebling, the 51 year old Jewish broad who ran Comedy Central at the time. Well, Debbie's not a real cock. Now here's where Bob's. Yeah, that's where Bob's expertise really comes into play.

[Adam Carolla]

That's creepy.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, real. That's Katie, Jimmy's daughter. That's Bob, right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at me acting like.

[Gina Grad]

You got to cut the line, Jimmy. What? It's the only way. It's not the only way to help is wrong with you. It's one of the ways penis always retracts. You okay, buddy? You all right, buddy?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's go.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Great Bobcat. Well, those were some heady days, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are very heavy days. And. And Shecky the props guy was like Q from James Bond. And I go, I go, can I see the penises you made? He said, well, this. This penis is 300 foot long. This one is made of entirely Silly Putty. If you.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. God, I can't believe that. I can't believe that's what we did for a living. We just show up every day into that place.

[Adam Carolla]

As absurd as showing clips on podcasts.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe worse.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I can already read the angry posts. Yeah, those jackasses are showing clips.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, you have to watch the stream. All right, should we do a little. What can Adam complain about you guys? And, Bob, feel free to. Feel free to jump in. You're a skilled comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but it's a little bit like jumping in with. When. When Clapton's laying down a riff.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, well, but you could do that if you walked a half a block that way. All right, what can Adam complain about? You toss out the topic. I will. Do we have something about. We have. We have an intro stuff. Wow. The world is full of it. And one man can complain about it all. Oh, I forgot this. This is what can't Adam complain about? All right. Sorry about that, sweetie. Petey, you toss it out, I'll complain. Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa. She died the same weekend. Is that Princess Diana? Got no ink, everybody. Everyone made a big deal. Oh, it's such a tragedy that this chick that goes off and just fucks guys with tons of money and once in a while takes a photo Op. You know, standing next to a landmine, she gets all the fucking press. Meanwhile, this poor woman spends her life trying to help out lepers. And by the way, the best thing you could do for a lepers. Put a bullet in their head, right? I mean, you know, to help them out. Here's the cyanide pill.

[Adam Carolla]

Or a cool towel.

[Gina Grad]

Or a very cool, cool towel. Yeah. Also, you know, the thing about Mother Teresa? She's a saint, but she was homely. And if she was hot, then she would really be a saint. Like, if. If someone who looked like Giselle Bunch and decided to dedicate her life to helping out the world's needy and poor, then it's a big deal. But if you're kind of ugly, then it ain't no big whoop because you really got nothing to look forward to. Anyway. All I'm saying is, is she was okay. She had the she. Here's what she does. She. She spends a lifetime devoted to God and lepers, and then God smites her by killing her on the same day that she runs into a freeway pylon with one of her many boy toys. So sad. So sad.

[Brian Bishop]

And is it me, or does she look like E.T. in that picture?

[Gina Grad]

She got a little E.T. again. I'll tell you, she was. She was easy on the lepers, but tough on the eyes. Yeah, it was right on her. Right on her business card.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a piece of ass.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Ten fingers, right?

[Gina Grad]

Wow. Miss. Miss has all her digits is here. Look out. Boy, I'm gonna put on my good nose for her. All right. Do we have lepers anymore? Oh, we got them. All right, let's go check them out. Maybe Bob can get on a flight with some of them. So we have some. Some more material.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have more material.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Toss out another topic. Online porn. All right, I. I'm gonna tell you a very sad but true story about the online porn. First off, the online porn viewing is limited by only. Only really when the wife returns from home or when I'm out on the road, my imagination, like, there's no end to the online porn. You know what? Here's the thing. Porn. If you think about it, back in the day, they did not have the online porn. You would go to a porno shop. I'm gonna have an interesting conversation. My son, one day you would feed quarters. Bob, you've done this, right?

[Adam Carolla]

When I was your age.

[Gina Grad]

Well, son, when I was.

[Adam Carolla]

We had to walk through the snow, right? When I was a kid, we used to find porn at the dump? Yeah, we would hang out at the dump.

[Gina Grad]

Like, hey, a seagull didn't really get to this one. Too bad. I guess I could beat off to.

[Adam Carolla]

It, bend to a dump because they are seagulls. At the dump.

[Gina Grad]

I would just lay on my back and wait for clouds to take the shape of a boob. Like that's all, that's all we had.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to have to jerk off to my own elbow.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. I was like, wow, look at that. You're looking supple. Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I was your age.

[Gina Grad]

No. So we didn't have porn. So if you wanted to see pornography, you'd have to go into one of these places in North Hollywood and you'd feed quarters into this booth and you'd watch a porn movie. And the thing is, is some scientist figured it out. He figured out that this thing would stop running 10 seconds before you busted a nut. It was which case you'd have to get your pants back up and feed more change. And I think was an endless cycle.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a guy just watching.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. But there was. I'm just going up. Oh, oh, he's got sweat on his brow. Stop it. Pull the plug. The point is, is now there's no limit to the pornography. And you thus then don't know when to stop because there's always a new page, a new browser, a new booby to look at. It's fairly endless. But. But I will tell you a very sad and pathetic story that I hope to not to have to share on stage. I am now forced to use these old man reading glasses. As a matter of fact. Yes, yes. Thank you. Hold the mic for me. Hold the mic. This is what happened. I was, I was in San Jose. The road is a very lonely place as you'll attest by.

[Adam Carolla]

But you know, she's my lady and I. I've seen a million faces and I rocked them all.

[Gina Grad]

I. I was sitting in my hotel room, it was about two in the afternoon. The first show was eight o'clock that night. I had nothing but time on my hands. I fired up my iPad that I told my wife I needed to catch up on emailing while I was on the road, got myself onto some new porn, started looking at it, then did this move and then a certain point with a boner. Had to walk into the next room and get the old man reading glasses out. I will tell you, there was no, no sadder realization that when I pants around the ankles would look did this while I'm standing in the bathroom. I looked up and saw me in the mirror, gray pube bifocals, holding this magical tablet of porn. Like I would have loved have been in high school and just seeing myself like, what? What is this magical tablet filled with porn? What are you doing with glasses on? Aren't you supposed to be balls deep in a vagina at this point? I, I never dreamed in a million years I'd be 46 and feeding myself.

[Adam Carolla]

My nuts are gray. You never think your nuts are gonna drop, by the way. Never mind. So you know what ruins a fisting porn?

[Gina Grad]

What? Yeah, why do you tell you what.

[Adam Carolla]

Ruins a fisting porn? The Lance Armstrong Live Strong.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that'll take me right.

[Adam Carolla]

Out of the game.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I can see that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm thinking about a guy with nut cancer, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing. When that thing comes back with a piece of corn on it, that, that'll ruin a. I'm just doing extension of his joke, that's all.

[Adam Carolla]

That's brilliant. Gross.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You've ruined my fisting bit.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, by the way, forget the rest of your suggestions. I'm tired of these with their Livestrong rubber bands around their wrists. Any of those out here tonight, we get it. You don't like cancer, right? Like, we're all big fans of cancer. Come on. I got one of those big foam fingers that says cancer on it going. You got that thing? All right. You're so much better than we are.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell. You and I are not going to.

[Gina Grad]

Get along, my friend.

[Adam Carolla]

I love camp.

[Gina Grad]

My friend Alex calls me every year and he does that Lance Armstrong ride where they go from San Francisco to LA and they do that thing and then I have to sponsor him. But again, he gets to take three weeks off of work, ride with a whole bunch of buddies on a mountain bike Tuesday. Basically do what I would love to do if I was. I wasn't spending all my money sponsoring him to go on these rides. They're like catered, they're getting massages, they have someone riding ahead and setting up tents. I'm just saying I want to go on a goddamn AIDS ride. Somebody fire up the moped. And also, forget about this. It used to be a full blown, hey, we're riding from the Santa Monica pier down to Fisherman's Wharf in, in San Francisco for AIDS. Then it turned into do, we're doing a 10K run. Then it turned into a 10K walk run. Then it turned, turned to a 10K bike walk run. Then it turned into a 5K bike ride. Walk, push. I'M gonna be. I'm gonna be riding my ski doo or whatever the hell. The hell I'm on there. What the.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's also always like, you're doing it for a cause, and the people that suffer from this thing could never do any of the things you're doing. You're.

[Gina Grad]

You're rubbing it. You're rubbing in their face. You're rubbing it in their face. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Hey, cancer guy, do you think you could ride a mountain bike to San.

[Brian Bishop]

Francisco, do it for me?

[Gina Grad]

I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Lance Armstrong doesn't even wear the bracelet anymore.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, he really doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was at a show, and this woman was hitting on me. I know. I know I'm not a piece of ass, but she was saying. Saying. She goes, this is true. My wife was there when this happened. She goes, this woman goes, I have cancer. I go, oh, so you can't go, hey, I don't have time.

[Gina Grad]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

She goes, I have cancer. I go, oh. And she goes, I heard your brother died. Do you want me to say hi to him? Wow. I go, lady, you're not going. When my brother went, yeah, yeah, he's.

[Gina Grad]

Going to hell, at least. Purgatory. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Poor Narn or something people believe in.

[Gina Grad]

Right? Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

So. But she was really trying to get play with the cancer. I have to say this. She did look pretty hot. She was really thin.

[Gina Grad]

I get the. Such poor taste. I really miss poor taste. I miss the fisting side of Bobcat.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, to go back to fisting, the Livestrong bracelet is like a ring for your fist.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah. That shows what Lance had in mind when he was talking. Talking to the design team at Nike. I want to see more of a ring for your fist.

[Adam Carolla]

Something that cuts off the circulation.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I get that with the just back from Iraq. In which case you can't say, buzz off, Marine. I gotta go back to my dressing room and get loaded. Maybe a groupie. You gotta go. But, you know, you get the. Just back. I'm gonna just start saying that to everybody. I'm just back for my ride.

[Adam Carolla]

I really had a woman say to me, a drunk young girl, and she goes, she was flirting. And she's like, if you came home with me right now, I'd you all night. Well, that's not flirting, actually. That is a Hail Mary pass. But, like, I'm going, geez, what's the subtext? What is she trying to say here? No. So I was supposed to, like, my reaction Was supposed to be like, oh, yeah, you know, but I'm 48. She's like, I'll you all night. I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm thinking that sounds horrible. You're just going to me all night.

[Gina Grad]

Jesus, I'll get my iPad and my reading glasses and I'll my got a lot further.

[Adam Carolla]

She was like, I'll you once and then spoon all night. I be like, well, you know. Or I'll you once spoon and then make you a low sodium breakfast. That might actually test the bounds of my matrimony.

[Gina Grad]

We're going to, but Matlock's coming on soon, so. All right, one more, one more thing. What? Swingers. Swingers. The breakfast place. Swingers. The movie swingers. The, the couples. Oh, we got it. We got a swinging couple over there. I, I, I mean, I like the notion of swingers, but the execution of it isn't great. It seems good. As depicted in the aforementioned porn films. Swinging sounds awesome. By the way, I could not someone else's wife while that someone else was in the room because I'd constantly, every time he went to, like, scratch his head, I'd be like, huh. You know, like. And he'd be like, I'm gonna go into the next room and grab a beer. All right, don't grab a fireplace poker. And, and then what are you supposed to do? Like, compliment him? Like, man, your wife's is so tight. This is, it's really awesome. I mean, Shirley, you really are lucky, lucky, lucky up weird guy. And, and then, then it's a weird thing. And then there's like, there's, I don't know what the dick thing is. Like, I, I don't know if we're both supposed to get blown. And then he gets, he gets to my wife, right? And then there's some rules that get laid down. Like, isn't there some swingers rules? Like, hey, man, no eating. Come on, now that's crossing a line. Like, I, that's too intimate. You can fuck her from behind, drop the Lance Armstrong bracelet on her, but no eating pussy.

[Adam Carolla]

This thing's all right. No kissing.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know. I really, I really don't know how it works. And I suspect it's, it's one of those things that's better. Seems, seems it's better on paper, butcher paper, actually, than it is in real life. And then it's going to, you're going to have an argument. You're going to have an argument about when you're done swinging, right? Because me and my Fucking wife have arguments that go like, wow, that's how you put my kid in the car? That seems weird. You put him head first. Why would you put him bottom first? I don't understand, but I. I'm starting trouble. I'm just saying, what the fuck? You put the kid in head first, he could whack his head on the dome line. If we could argue about nothing for an hour, we could certainly have an argument about one of my buddies fucking her while I was drinking a beer in the room that I feel like it would just lead to an argument. No good could come from. From swinging. And then I don't know what the finish policy is with swinging. Do you wear a condom? Do you agree in advance where the semen's going to land? Turn off the ceiling fan. You couldn't do the facial with the guy standing right there, can you? There's a Jewish word for it. What do they call a. Cuckolding? Yes. Have you heard of the cuckold thing?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

That's not quite swinging. It's. It's. It's a super low self esteem version of swinging, but yeah. Anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I'm thinking of your term for this. Friendly fire.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, the friendly fire. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is when you get hit with your friend's jizz.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that's. That's a bad time. Yeah. And again, the urethra is not. I'd rather be fragged by a incinerary round than hit by. Hit by someone else's chest. And by the way, if you want to know what else they found on that shopping cart handle. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. I feel like. Get an extra dollop of sour cream on those nachos, everyone. That'd be a good one. Good way to go out. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

That was adam Krill show 519 with the great Bobcat.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

He dates all the way back to.

[Gina Grad]

The man show and Loveline. He was appearing on Loveliness before the man show even existed.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

He directed a bunch of it.

[Gina Grad]

He directed a bunch of Kimmel.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

A lot of people don't know about.

[Gina Grad]

Adam's connection to Bobcat and how familiar he is with him. That was him appearing on the show back in 2011. Coming up next, we have Adam Curl Show 1539. This episode featured the late, great Ralphie May, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Here's a fun little clip.

[Gina Grad]

Hope you guys enjoy. I have to explain life to my wife. Wife a lot because my wife is very, you know, the doctor said, and I'm always like, Those, they don't know what the they're talking about. No, I say it. Look, this, it's the same story. First off, people that don't give a about you will just tell you whatever's easiest for them and then go away. They don't give a. You know anyone who gets surgery, they go, no liquids, no solids, no juices, no water. Nothing after midnight night. Right. That's for an 8:00am surgery or 5:00pm surgery. Well, what the is it? Yeah, what is it? It's a hundred percent further away the 5 o'clock one. They don't give a. But my wife will be like it's 12:03 and slap the fucking juice box out of my hand. You know, I'll go, those assholes don't give a. I could drink it on the way in. And by the way, if this was true, if this was really important, if this could kill me, I would have to stay overnight at the hospital. Yes. And they would monitor me if it was shit. Same with the phone on the airplane. It really was going to bring the plane down. You couldn't bring it on because Alec Baldwin could be fucking around in first class with his BlackBerry if the fucking plane was going to come down. Right. I just love the revelation you drink out of a juice box. Really? I, I top it off, it looks innocent enough. So here's my point. The rule is you got 20 minutes with the, with the juice. Yeah. You got 20 minutes. If you, you live 23 minutes away from the place, you have to do it on site.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

I know that 20 minutes means two days, maybe an hour. I got tube socks from high school. Still walking around on their own. Fine. Starting their own families and small businesses thriving. I know I can take this 45 minutes from my house to the place. And it's not like we're gonna have. What? Hell, one of the kids has three arms and a, and a. One of those orange pylon cones where his head should be. I know it, but my wife doesn't. And the lady said 20 minutes. So I got to go to the place and beat off at the place. Luckily, I'm a jacking ninja who's beat off in like so many different places over the, you know, over the years that it's like, it's not. I, you know, I does it weirdest place. Well, I. In terms of challenging. Yeah. I don't like to talk about myself. Come on, just this one. Do it this once. I was, I was doing a job. I was building a house in Malibu. Yeah. Off of Rambler, Pacifica Road, which is one of those ones they just closed off a PCH and they just went. After about 10 years the city just goes, oh fuck it. It's been closed so long we never have to open it again. But I was building a house off of Rambla Pacifica. I had to get there. Off of Mulholland. Where Mulholland gets really squirrely at the top. Along, along there was driving my 84 Nissan 5 speed pickup truck that might have been 46. No, no, no, wait a minute. We started it said must have been 6, 40 something in the morning. Squeeze the off on a bench seat driving a stick on Mulholland. Take that. Nice. That's right. Nice. You're a hero. Can I tell you how disturbed that hitchhiker I picked up was? Can I tell you the look on his face? But impressed. But impressed. Yes. Y. When he said Malibu or bust, I was not kidding. Yeah, well, that was. That was one of those. My girlfriend just dumped me. I knew it was going to be a long time before I got back to the solitude of my apartment and I was just in no mood and I had to focus on building the railing. Oak railing on a staircase, on a house that completely burned to the ground when the fire swept. That's where the fire swept through a few years later.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it safe to build a house.

[Gina Grad]

In your refractory period? You're never better. Really? All ears. I could cut a diamond. Normally, you know, you're distracted, you're tumescent, you're all over the road. Pardon the pun, but you're never, never more. You're never in a better place than that refractory period. Yeah. Wow. About that, huh, Ralphie? Weirdest place. Probably on i10 going to El Paso. Wow, Fort Stockton. Yeah. You women are disgusted when you find out how guys really aren't you? Yeah, for me it was just a long drive, you know. Let's knock this out automatic though, right? Okay. I got 20 minutes till van horn and I'm gonna drop this load and go sleep in an Indian place like curry in the morning. Yeah. So lonely. The road's lonely. I'm surprised no one's written a song, you know, like Willie Nelson. Like Jack it off on the road again, you know, like some. I think it's something truckers could really identify. Identify with. You know, they're always talking about getting home to you. How about jacking off in the parking lot over at the diesel place, you know what I'm saying? A universal theme that everyone can identify with. Well, let's put it this way. Those big rigs that have the sleeper bunk in the back of them. Oh, I jacked off one of those. Yeah, you did. I did. All right, well, there you go, Raymond. Even a fucking trucker and you jacked off and what? My uncle was a trucker, a long haul trucker.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

And I went on a run with.

[Gina Grad]

Him when I was 13. 13 years old. Come on. What am I going to do? Just leave it in the back? Yeah. You jerked off next to your uncle in a truck. He's driving.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, he was driving.

[Gina Grad]

I had the. I had the curtains drawn. Oh, excuse me. Do you see what piece of guys are.

[Adam Carolla]

I forgot about that till this moment.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you, Adam girl. Quite well. Welcome, Brian. All right, should we do a little news with Gina Grad? How about we do that? Let me, let me give a plug to Ralphie May. Got a stand up special, unruly. He's got issues available right now on Netflix. Netflix, sorry. And the. Well, it's weird when there's. There's more than one out of. And also the podcast Perfect 10 pod. Live dates coming up. A lot of live dates. I'll tell you what you should do. You should just go to RalphieMay.com RalphieMay.com and find out when he's coming to your town or coming on the way to your town. But either way, he's coming, I'll tell you that. Ralphiemay.com all right, let's do a little nick news, shall we? Gina Grad News with Gina Grad. Show biz Congress, Tech news, sports news, world news.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Give me News with Gina Grad with.

[Gina Grad]

Shit out of Florida Sex Surveys. Obama Meet News with Gina. Gina the News with Gina Grad. Well, I don't know if you guys heard about this. A shocking California ballot proposal that calls.

[Adam Carolla]

For gays and lesbians to be quite.

[Gina Grad]

Quote, put to death by bullets to the head is triggered a widespread backlash. For the author, Orange county Lawyer Matthew Gregory McLaughlin. The sodomite suppression act, as it's called, reads like this. The people of California wisely command in the fear of God that any person who willingly touches another person of the same gender for purposes of sexual gratification can be put to death by bullets.

[Adam Carolla]

To the head or any convenient method.

[Gina Grad]

Method.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a well written law.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it really is. I'm sure Jerry Brown will get behind this one if I. That's Jerry Brown. I know. This guy's just crazy and looking for some ink, right? Absolutely. Okay. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, but.

[Gina Grad]

But it Got farther than I think people expected. So now everybody's talking about it. Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

There's a loophole there that he's allowed to make this proposal. Now, what are the chances he's gay? Because 100, 110. Here's 100%. 10%. Loves cock. Straight guys, so much cock. Because here, every straight guy, if you're straight, he loves cock. Oh. Oh, it's all over. Ralphie.

[Adam Carolla]

Straight Ralph is visualizing how much he loves cock.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, right. Loves cock. Brian, here's how you should be wired. If you're just a straight guy, you come up, you explain to me you're gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, got some news for you.

[Gina Grad]

I am gay. Good. More for me. Oh, by the way, you probably recommend a decent place to eat, right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

You guys seem to know where to eat, right? I thought you were gonna have a different reaction, to be honest. All right, so more for me. In a good restaurant recommend, I get. I can get tapas somewhere around here. Yeah, okay. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

There we go. Win, win. That's how it goes. Win, win. And a finely. A finely manicured lawn. Yeah, I went past your place a couple of times. I thought some Asians were living there, but this explains it. Out of Corolla on tolerance. Is there a gay guy in the fucking world that has, like, an old sofa or an El Camino up on blocks? No. On his fucking dirt lawn going, I know it's been in primer for a few years, but I'm looking to get it into the shop and get a coat of candy apple on there. No fucking way. This guy said the greatest lawns. If you flew a satellite over Boys Town, in any town I could find, I could. I could tell you where it stops. Right? Where the gay stops and the straight begins. It's a fucking line of green manicured lawns. A big pack patch of blue in the middle of the whole thing. And they don't stand for graffiti. No, no, they don't. They don't. They're. They. They. First off, I don't know if everything's just covered with a film of, like, Astro Glide or something, but I don't think. I don't think graffiti even takes in Boys Town. I think it just peels right off the slides right off. Gang rangers just went. And every time we try to do our. It just rolls right off the cinder block. They got some kind of weird lube on there or something. It doesn't. Don't even try anymore. All right, sorry. Where were we? Well, this Guy's got to be gay, right? Oh, 100%. Like I. I'm sure Fred Phelps was raging homosexual. Right? And I mean that in the best possible way.

[Adam Carolla]

If you need an excuse to watch porn, here it is.

[Gina Grad]

A study out of the University of California claims that men who watch a lot of porn have better sex lives.

[Adam Carolla]

Than those who don't.

[Gina Grad]

Meanwhile, scientists said they could find no hint that men whose computers were littered with adult content suffered from erectile dysfunction. I was telling you guys I went to a porn site and, you know, now everyone's trying to, you know, they're trying to get business, you know, without a doubt. And the thing. Big banner popped up. Tired of beating off, and I was like, hell, no. Yeah, right. 50 years in the 50 years, still going. Going strong. Hadn't quite reached there.

[Brian Bishop]

You.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, call me about a week after I die. Let's see if we can get. See, maybe. Maybe that I'm still. No guarantees. No guarantees, but, yeah. No, clearly not tired of it. I'm looking at porn on the computer right now, but. All right. Yeah. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So they're basically saying that women who.

[Gina Grad]

Bitch that their men watch too much porn have no reason to because it keeps them hot for their lady more. Or at least hot more. I think it's just a sort of, you know, gears turning kind of blood flowing kind of, you know, you're alive kind of. I mean, the game. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

I don't want everyone to completely turn against me, but nobody thinks that that's cheating. The. The poll.

[Adam Carolla]

Get the fuck out of here.

[Gina Grad]

No, look, all I'm saying is I know people who would be not too pleased if they caught their boyfriend jerking off. Let me say this. Let me say this. First off, look at it as the guy on the NFL sideline who's riding the stationary bike. You know what I mean? I'm just. I'm staying loose, coach. I. I could get in that game. I'm staying loose. Do you go criticize that guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Not at all.

[Gina Grad]

He's working. Keep a little. Trying to get a little lather going because you're one injury away for getting one injury away from getting out on that field. Awesome. Guy's got to do is tear his ball sack and he's in, man. Or. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, we don't criticize that guy. Now, here's the thing. I think. I think. But you tell me. It depends what kind of porn the guy's looking at at. Right. For instance, I'm Just, you know, apropos of nothing but your guys out there, you know, if he's staring at the big jug porn, we got a match, right? I mean, what I'm saying is wa. Is that better? I think, I think that's better in her case. That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, It's a good thing.

[Gina Grad]

That's a good thing. You know what I mean? When he's staring at the Vietnamese, he. You know what I mean? Now we got a situation. Now we got a problem. Well, you know what I'm talking about, right? You're making a lot of sense. He's basically saying like, like if, if you're married. Look, you know, if Your wife is 46 years old and she catches you looking at MILF porn, you're essentially simulating her. Yeah. If you're looking at the, you know, 18, but you wouldn't know it kind of thing, then we got chasm between her pussy and your cock. It's a cock chasm. It's a cock conundrum.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it is.

[Gina Grad]

It's a conundrum. Conundrum. All right. Anyway. You know what I'm saying, Ralphie? Totally do. Totally do. I think that you watch the porn. Like for me, we had a Chinese nanny and so I couldn't watch any Asian porn for a whole year. Year. Well, I didn't want to get creeped out. You know, you beat off and then you got to beat off again 20 minutes later. That's the problem with that. Hear, hear that. Asian porn. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you. No, that's beneath me. Sorry. Go ahead. Speaking of beneath. Really? On top. On top. Okay. Throwing the D. So you had, you had the. You had. I this. I. I have a Guatemalan nanny, so, you know. There isn't Guatemalan porn. No 50 year old Guatemalan porn. No Hobbit porn. Yeah. Mexican hobbits. Yeah. So. So you have a, your, your, your nanny is what then? She's Chinese. She's Chinese. So you had to stay away from that department in the park. Without a doubt. Had to. Because I could never have my wife look at my iPad and go, what the. The right Asian porn, you everything up. Right. Right. You know, it's international incident there. Right. But it's just like, you know, a cute little brunette. Yeah, no problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Gina Grad]

Do you guys ever have the brush with porn? Like, see, I don't know how to work the computer that well. You know what I'm saying? Right? What? I know. I hope you're sitting down. Not one of these techies and Every once in a while, I. So thus, I don't cover my tracks very well at all. And at one time I had some, like, French photographer guy who was doing a whole, like, spread on my house and my family and everything. And I had my laptop that, you know, last time I used it was on the road kind of thing, and it hadn't been used used at home and blah, blah, blah. And the French guy was like, oh, yeah, I shot. I shot over at George Clooney's house. And I'm like, oh, that sounds interesting. Yeah, let me show you. Let me show you. And he grabs the computer and he opens it up, and now he's. He's telling everyone, gather around, gather around. You know, and he's like hitting the search thing and the Google and. Yeah. And I'm like. I'm thinking, should I just fucking spill my drink on it? Or should I just, like, rip it out of his hand, hands and throw it into the swimming pool and go like. Ah. Like, he's getting everyone gathering around the thing and he's just hitting random buttons on it. I'm like, something's gonna auto fill eventually. Like, you have no move. Like, you can't go, that's not my computer. You can't protest too much. You can't rip it out of his hands. You just stand and just pray you bangus uranus19 doesn't just pop up. Yeah. How'd it go? Well, that. That. Well, that one went pretty good. But there was another episode where me, my wife and my assistant were looking for something on the much bigger screen and just boom. Just pow. Just. Just, you know, went down and hit the weird thing on the bot. You know, once in a. I don't know what. You know, I'm not. You don't know how to delete cookies. I am completely lost. I'm not. You know nothing about computers, do you? I'm not Tim Jobs. I'm sorry. No, you're not. I'm not. Clearly not a computer guy. All right? I don't know anything about the Microsoft and the things and whatnot. All I know is sometimes there's at the bottom, and if you click one of them, they'll be titty, taking up the entire screen. And I don't know how it got there or how to get rid of it, but it's. It's happened before. Shouldn't your computer be kind of your space, though? That should be respected, right? Yeah. It's your domain. Yeah. That's why there's a password on. Oh, yeah. I would. I would forget my. My pass word almost. Almost immediately. Yeah. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Lynette, what's my password? What for?

[Gina Grad]

Nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I made that call to my assistant. Now I got the kids going on it, looking for, you know, Katy Perry on there and songs. You're looking for Katie Pearson, too? Yes. All right. Sorry. Where were we? All right. Those Adam Cool Show 15:39. We have done a best of Cruella classics compilation over alcohol we could probably do again. Put some more clips in. There's probably some stuff we haven't used. Until next time.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Molo and get it on. Pluto TV is the place for movie.

[Gina Grad]

Fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Bobcat Goldthwait]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Gina Grad]

Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.