Jim Norton + Frank Stallone (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show (Carolla Classics)

Guests: Jim Norton, Frank Stallone
Airdate: January 23, 2026 (Clips from 2013 episodes)
Host: Adam Carolla, with Brian Bishop and Allison Rosen

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Overview

This Carolla Classics episode replays some of the best moments from earlier Adam Carolla Show episodes, focusing on two standout interviews from 2013: the first, an in-depth, candid one-on-one between Adam and comedian Jim Norton (ep. 1142), and the second, a lively, story-packed studio visit with musician/actor Frank Stallone (ep. 1159), joined by news co-host Allison Rosen and soundman Brian Bishop.

The episode is a classic example of Adam’s free-flowing, unscripted interviews, with trademark banter about comedy, show business, personal quirks, and the changing tides of culture—all delivered in Carolla's candid, irreverent, and often self-deprecating style.

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Part 1: Adam Carolla & Jim Norton (00:56–39:10)

Theme & Purpose

Adam and Jim enjoy a loose, honest conversation about the realities of working in radio and comedy, personal neuroses, relationships, sexual fetishes, and societal hypocrisy—mixing humor with raw confessions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reality of Hosting Live Radio (00:56–08:19)

• Radio Pressure: Adam and Jim discuss the unique pressure of live radio, compared to other jobs.
  • Adam: "When you're hosting a radio show ... if you're not there, it starts anyway." (04:20)
  • Jim: "There's not a big grace period of just sitting there looking at the fucking mic like, you know, you got to say something." (04:44)
• The Guest Role: Jim notes the difference between being a guest (where you can pick your moments and only chime in if you have something funny to say) and being the host (who must keep the show moving).
  • Jim: "There's no called strikes. I can take as many pitches as I want until I see the one I want to swing." (07:22)

2. Nature vs. Nurture & Personality Change (08:25–12:58)

• Discussing how much childhood, parents, and early experiences shape who we become.
  • Adam: "Once you are who you are, there has to be something traumatic to make you change it."
  • Jim: "I am the same blinky, compulsive masturbator I was in 1985... I'm the same fucking guy."

3. Comics’ Extended Adolescence (13:35–16:29)

• Adam: Ponders why so many comedians have few, or late, children and relationships, seeing it as an “extended adolescence.”
  • "This is Lord of the Flies... an extended adolescence.” (14:10)
• The discussion includes notable late fathers in comedy (Letterman, Seinfeld) and why comedians, especially men, seem drawn to lives free of “adult” obligation.

4. Sexual Taboo, Prostitution, and Honesty (16:41–39:10)

• Jim is frank (and funny) about being recognized by prostitutes and his comfort with his public “status.”
  • Jim: "I've had girls who have jerked me off go, like, yeah, I really enjoy you ... which is always nice." (25:40)
  • Adam riffs on the idea of the “Celebrity Tipper” vs being known for other things (like getting hand jobs).
• The conversation gets explicit—sex work, sexual preferences, taboo topics (e.g., incest rumors, Michael Jackson, the “cuckold” genre in porn). Both host and guest reveal personal quirks and joke about sexual shame.
  • Jim: "There’s something humiliating [in cuckold porn]... that I love." (31:13)
  • Adam: "If you want your son to get laid, teach that motherfucker how to dance.” (19:05)
• Jim’s honesty about not knowing where his own boundaries, orientations, or preferences will end up—emphasizing self-awareness in his addictive behaviors.
  • Jim: “If I knew [if I was bisexual], I would just say it... I don't actually know what the answer to that question is.” (35:22)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Adam: “Hosting the show is like being at your own party—you're too busy to actually mingle.” (07:22)
• Jim: “I like the mystery. I like not knowing [if a massage will turn sexual] because it feels like a real interaction that way.” (25:29)
• Jim: “Sometimes a girl with a dick, sometimes a blonde. You say it’s just one of many subcategories of acting out.” (28:52)

Timestamps for Memorable Segments:

• Pressure of live radio: 04:20–05:38
• Nature v nurture, personality fixed: 09:33–10:16
• Comics’ extended adolescence: 14:10–15:41
• Sex work recognition + sexual honesty: 25:40–29:33
• Fetishes, self-analysis, and unclear boundaries: 35:22–37:48

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Part 2: Adam Carolla, Frank Stallone & The Gang (starting at 61:22)

Theme & Purpose

A vivid, unfiltered studio hang with Frank Stallone, mixing hilarious Hollywood tales, candid rants about society and personal health, family, the insanity of the entertainment industry, and generational shifts in behavior.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Frank Reynolds-style Showbiz Banter (113:20–120:22)

• Frank recounts old Hollywood, from the start of the San Gennaro Italian Festival with Jimmy Kimmel (115:12) to experiences with his brother Sylvester Stallone’s career.
  • Frank: “Sly... if the director starts showing signs of ineptness, he takes over.”
  • Frank: “My brother has started three franchises now... Most people obviously don't do one.” (124:13)

2. Old Hollywood Talk & Stereotypes (135:06–137:47)

• Spot-on impressions and observations about the acting styles of old Hollywood (rapid-fire “movie talk”), plus candid, sometimes off-color asides about sexuality, stereotypes, and the era’s unique quirks.

3. Obesity, Hydration, and Cultural Shifts (138:20–153:15)

• Discussion shifts to “fat letters” (school letters sent to parents whose children are overweight), and how drastically behaviors and expectations around food, health, and activity have changed.
  • Adam: "We all ate the shitty fish sticks and the coffee cakes... Now kids are fatter, but the food's better. So it's probably not the food." (140:01)
  • Frank: "I had to make weight when I was fighting. No water... The gyms were 90 degrees."
  • Riffing on modern hydration obsession ("my kids need water every 12 minutes"), and the oral fixation with snacking, water, and chapstick (142:10–143:26).
• Rants about the societal coddling of kids and hesitance to point out real health risks.
  • Adam: “If you're fat, you should get a note and the parents should know.” (150:33)
  • Frank: “You can't put on 40 pounds unless you eat. It's impossible.”

4. Lottery Talk & The American Message (159:54–163:54)

• Critique of the lottery as a cultural message:
  • Adam: “The lottery is the exact opposite of this country. The message is: you don't have a shot, so buy this ticket.”
  • “If this was anything else where the government wasn't wetting their beak, this would immediately be illegal because you’re lying to the people, the citizens taking advantage, and you’re taking advantage.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Adam: “Hosting live radio... It's a light switch, it's not a dimmer.” (05:09)
• Jim: “I’m too far gone for that [traditional sex].”
• Frank Stallone: “They either die or they leave me at the fucking building. It's one or the other.” (145:24)
• Frank (on old Hollywood): “No, but it was really like Pat o' Brien... No one talked faster than Pat o' Brien.”
• Frank (on body image): “If you end up fat, you're not going to get any girls. You'll end up having lunch with hundred-year-olds like I do.” (147:36)
• Adam: “We need to give our fucks to better recipients of fucks.” (152:26)

Timestamps for Important Segments:

• Frank Stallone enters, classic tales: 113:20–120:22
• Health, food, “fat letter” controversy: 138:20–147:36
• Lottery, “American message”: 159:54–163:54

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Conclusion

This episode is a showcase of unfiltered, hilarious, and sometimes jaw-droppingly honest dialogue that draws out the true personalities of Adam and his guests. Both Norton and Stallone embody the show’s willingness to traverse the taboo—from sexual fetishes to social critique to Hollywood mythmaking—with a sly wit and zero pretense. The famed “Carolla rants” about parenting, government, and the lottery are here in full force, along with sharp exchanges about cultural decline, generational differences, and the insanity lurking beneath show business and polite society.

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To Listen For:

1. The “batting average” metaphor for recurring on radio as a guest (07:22, 39:28)
2. Jim Norton’s hyper-honesty about his impaired boundaries and sex life (25:29–37:48)
3. Frank Stallone’s tour through the old- and new-school insanity of Hollywood, plus a bonus vintage movie-actor impression session
4. Adam’s cultural rants on family, education, obesity, and why the lottery epitomizes America’s decline (55:18–57:58, 159:54–163:56)

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Recommended For

• Fans of unfiltered, explicit comedy
• Listeners who appreciate candid behind-the-scenes takes on show business and culture
• Anyone interested in stand-up, talk radio, or 70s/80s Hollywood nostalgia

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(For full guest details and future episodes, visit: AdamCarolla.com)

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla show, soon to be 17. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics for which you can find the ad free archives exclusively available through podcast1dotplus. If you'd like to get the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as.

[Brian Bishop]

Well as exclusive access to the brand.

[Adam Carolla]

New podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcorla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcrolo.com now on to the clips. Coming up first, today we're going way back to 2013 for a great one on one between Adam and Jim norton for episode 1142.

[Brian Bishop]

Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

And thank you so much for joining us on the show. Jim Norton's our guest. Good to see you, Jim. Jim. I didn't hear Jim very well. Is he potted up there? All right, I'll keep talking. You guys will fix. Jim, the reason we're here and the reason we're doing these kind of intimate shows, as I told you before, is this is the end of the. That sounds like something. Say something.

[Jim Norton]

Jim, how's. Oh, yeah, much better.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I would hate people to be robbed of the gifts I brought, the verbal gifts.

[Adam Carolla]

His tongue is a beautiful quill and your brain is his canvas. We are just wrapping up our [e-mail] and we were doing independent film and we've reached our goal, but we'd love to keep going because every extra dollar means an extra millisecond of quality on screen. So I decided to come in here during our dark week and just do some one on one.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, cool.

[Adam Carolla]

More intimate shows with talents like Jim Norton. Jim, by the way, American Degenerate. It's an hour long special premiering next Friday, August 23rd on epics. And Jim, also on Opie and Anthony's radio show. Every morning I asked Jim off the air. I said every morning. And yeah, I used to do that too. And for comedians, comedy, comedy's a. You keep serial killers hours like it is the hours where serial killers go out trolling.

[Jim Norton]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And then morning radio is like GM factory hours and they're different hours. And I've always said doing comedy like in the morning is weird because I love, you know, I love scotch and brisket, but not at 5:45 in the morning. Unless of course, I've been up. Yeah, all night. So doing the road and doing comedy and doing those clubs and everything and doing stuff into the, you know, you get back to your hotel room, you're still sweaty, you're beaked up a little. You go to bed at 2am and the next thing you know you're doing the morning show. But you said you wake up at 5:35.

[Jim Norton]

5:35. Well, when I'm on, when I'm on the. You know, like if I'm home in New York, I'll do a set at the Comedy Cell. It'll be done. Usually I'm done by nine so I can go to bed at a decent hour. I'm an insomniac. I don't sleep for shit anyway, so it doesn't matter. And I'm up at 5:35. Kenny calls me. It' first thing I hear is his voice.

[Adam Carolla]

It's time to wake up.

[Jim Norton]

And then I'm in a cab by 5:55. And I walk in usually as the opening music is playing and those guys are already there, right? So, you know, I just kind of sit down and they start talking and I just kind of pipe in on whatever it is I do. Zero show prep.

[Adam Carolla]

There is, I'll tell you, there's something you should be happy about, which is the difference between people don't. I try to explain this with people in their job in radio and you're having your cake and eating it too, which is, I would say to people, you don't realize. What time do you have to be at work? They say nine. I say, but you can show up at 9:03 and no one says anything. Or 9:07 or 9 and 28 seconds and no one says anything. But when you host a radio show and the show starts at 10am or 9am or. Or 10pm when I used to do Loveline and it's in 150 markets. If you're not there, it starts anyway, it just begins. And there's a weird pressure that you never really think about of showing up, whether it's to the airport, to a friend's barbecue or to work 9:03 not they're gonna lock the door the second it turns 9:00pm or 9:00am you know what I'm saying?

[Jim Norton]

You have to be there and you have to perform. You have to have something to say. It doesn't necessarily have to be funny. It can be compelling, it can be the news, but it has to be something. There's not A big grace period of just sitting there looking at the fucking mic like, you know, you got to say something. Whereas if you just get to a regular job, you can kind of, you know, fuck off. You get your coffee, you start at 9:20, but with radio, you have to immediately begin talking. And it's live, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an interesting point because other jobs, you can sort of sidle up to your desk, turn on your computer, check your rotisserie league. In your case, you porn, but that is your roto league, but sort of warm into it, get a cup of coffee, get up, decide you have to take a piss. Yeah. Little small talk with someone else by the vending machine, and at some point you'll start thinking about work. Yeah, this is a light switch. It's not a dimmer. It's just go.

[Jim Norton]

You go from, I'm in the elevator and I'm fucking. Can't believe I got another an hour of sleep last night. To immediately, I have to talk, which is why I like the gig I have, because the pressure is really on those guys. I can kind of fire in shit when I want to, but if open, I want to talk for a few minutes, and if I don't have anything to add to it, like, I can just hang back and look at the paper or collect my. Like, I get to do that. I do have my. To get to eat my cake, for lack of a better word, because they have to do that shit. And I can kind of hang out and jump in when I want to, which is less pressure for me.

[Adam Carolla]

And I always tell people it's hard to sort of wear both hats. Like, people go. People would always say to me, oh, you're so funny on Stern. And I'd go, yeah, that's because I would only talk when I had something funny to say. And, you know, as opposed to hosting the show, because when you're hosting the show, you have to host the show. And when you're hosting a show, it's hard to stand next to the conversation with reload jokes and fire off joke salvos. You're in the show, you're essentially working. You're running in place, you're setting the.

[Jim Norton]

Table, you're preparing everything. You're structuring. Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bitch to. Then you don't realize when you do someone else's show, whether it's Stern or Ona or whatever show you're doing, if you get to just hang back and pick your moments, you can have a crazy batting average. And I always tell people all People go off of his batting average. If you hang back and don't say a fucking word for a good five minutes, no one gives a shit. And then zinger. And then go hang back again. And everyone goes, you're so funny on that show. And you're like, that's. Cause I'm just hanging around waiting for an opening.

[Jim Norton]

Because I literally can. There's no called strikes. I can take as many pitches as I want until I see the one I want to swing. That's exactly what it is. And, you know, I try not to. Like, I like to just jump in when I want to. I never feel compelled. Like, oh, my God, you haven't talked in a while. Like, if there's a guest in. Like, I never try to dominate the guests. Like, I like just hanging back and firing in shit when I want to, man. Because again, when you're. When you're doing it yourself, you're hosting your own party, it's hard to mingle when you gotta make sure everybody's got a drink in their hand and everybody's got this and you're setting the table and doing. There's a lot to do when you're hosting this show. It's a fucking nightmare. I do it for one hour a week on my advice show.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Jim Norton]

And it's just me talking to people. And that's easy because there's no guest. But when there's a guest, like, or when I did host a show on the comedy channel where I'd interview comedians I fucking like. If there was a dead moment, I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, ha, ha ha. Right?

[Jim Norton]

Like, I feel compelled to talk. But, like, when I'm just hanging out, I don't feel that at all. I don't give a fuck if there's a dead moment because it's not on my back.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's why I always say I love being guests on other people's shows so much more than hosting.

[Jim Norton]

So great.

[Adam Carolla]

My own shit. So, Jim, as I mentioned last time. Bradley. We met. We hung out over here. I met your parents in Atlantic City. Yes. Such a normal couple hanging out in Leno's. Jay Jenno turned him into a super couple. Jay Leno's dressing room in Atlantic City. Your parents had always. It's so bizarre because they seem so normal to me. And yet you're such a degenerate. And I don't know how that happened. And maybe it doesn't. I mean, what I'm saying is not that you're not a degenerate. What I'm Saying is, my kids are insanely different and they're twins. Maybe one's just one and the other's the other. Maybe it really doesn't. You know, I have this talk with my wife all the time where she goes, how are we going to get them to do. And I go, I don't know. Who do you know who's different than they were in high school? Like, fundamentally, I was just yelling at my friend Mike August about my buddy Ray. And I go, jesus christ. The guy's 50 and he's still acting like a moron. Like, I think he's taking this shit to the grave.

[Jim Norton]

Once you are who you are, there has to be something traumatic to make you change it. Because if you don't actively say, I have to change this, you'll be the same person for the rest of your life. That is the way it is. People the same as they were 20 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Who do you know, really? I mean, I know people that got a little better. I mean, there's always the. Got off the elephant tranquilizer.

[Jim Norton]

Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And that kind of thing. So she stopped cutting on herself or something like that. I mean, there's the cutout stuff, but once you cut out of the bad marriage and the bad elephant tranquilizer, everyone just seems, at their core, to be about the same person. They can be better versions and worse versions. But a version.

[Jim Norton]

I am the same blinky, compulsive masturbator I was in 1985. There's a lot of things, like you said, you cut out this, you cut out that. But I'm the same fucking guy, the same childish guy, the same easily wounded fucking baby. Like, the same shit that I was back then, I am now.

[Adam Carolla]

What. What will wound you the most easily?

[Jim Norton]

I mean, it's. You know, I don't like criticism any more than anybody else does. Like, I can logically justify it. I hate being rejected as much. I take it very personally. Like, if women don't like me, because it basically is just confirming what I already know. Like, if I like a girl and she doesn't like me, I immediately think, see, you are worthless. And that's just a confirmation, that's all, you know? So that. That's probably the worst one for me. Like, it is for every man, really.

[Adam Carolla]

And what is your status now? Are you single?

[Jim Norton]

I'm single now for two years. It's funny. My ex is, like, one of my best friends. I don't know, we may date again, who knows? But she's still. She's been Pretty irreplaceable as far as, you know, finding a woman who I know is going to be perverted and brilliantly funny and, you know, she has everything I want in a person. We just fought too much.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, who are you not going to fight with?

[Jim Norton]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, look, at a certain point, really the only chance for a lot of women with a lot of guys and certain guys, you know, I just don't feel like you could catch Sean Penn when he's 26 and have 20 years of nice smooth sailing. It's not gonna fucking happen. Now at a certain point when the testosterone starts curtailing a little bit and the estrogen levels rise a little and it's a kind of a. It's not that you don't want to fight, but you lose a little, that will too. It's that same thing in the street where the guy bumps your shoulder and he walking by you and goes, watch it, Dick. That same part of you that when you're in your 20s would have fucking followed him around the corner now kind of goes, you know, like we go fu. You just sort of keep walking. Yeah. That same element gets brought into the bedroom and to the house, you know, in terms of arguing and I still got the energy, but there's no way that anyone was going to ever be with a 25 year old Adam Carolla that, I mean, for extended period of time. That's why it's insane when people have five kids when they're 24. Like I couldn't. Could you imagine?

[Jim Norton]

I can't imagine one at 45.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. But at a certain point, do you feel like you will slow down enough to be in a relationship?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. I mean, you know, again what happens is with the fighting is you begin to like, you know, the reason you don't follow the guy around the corner is because, you know, it's a reality. You can lose your teeth and that's the way it is with the fighting and stuff. I have so many consequen that I've suffered, that I've learned from some of them. But to me it feels like if I settle down in a relationship or if I have a kid, then I've reached the end. Like I convince myself that I'm younger than I am, but once I'm in that structure, I'm afraid that now the end has started. This is adulthood and you are now moving towards inevitably getting old, which of course I'm moving towards anyway. It's just self delusion.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if comedians, I don't wonder. I think I know disproportionately. I mean, you know, you hang around with Doug Benson and Sarah Silverman, and you're like, where did all these people in their 40s have no kids, no relationship or maybe a relationship, you know, like, hey, what are we going to do tonight? We're going to go get high, and then we're going to go down to the cemetery and watch Charlotte's Web on the big. The big inflatable screen. And then tomorrow we're all gonna go meet for breakfast at noon at Cantors. Like, this is what you would do. This is Lord of the Flies. I mean, meaning this is an extended adolescence. It's like what you dreamt about in high school. Like, you go, I could have a car, have money, screw strangers, eat fucking waffles at noon, get high, not have anything to do, not listen to anybody, not listen to anyone, have my own place. Like, this crazy extended adolescence. It's something that seems to be more connected to comedians. And part of it is. Part of it is. I think it's not quite a grandiosity, but it is a kind of, I don't want to take care of anyone but me. Right? And something. There's some comedy gene that's also connected to that.

[Jim Norton]

Plus, you're hanging out with fun people. Like, you know, my. The funniest friends in the country. Like, you know, like, I would sit there and talking to Colin Quinn every night and Patrice and Nick DePaulo and Geraldo. It's like, what am I gonna do in my life where I'm hanging out with funnier, more perceptive, brutal guys than Nick? You're not gonna find. And that's with any group of comedians. Like, I'm with people who I respect and who make me laugh. And, you know, if I want to go out and get blown or I want to go out and get a whore, I can do that and I can tell them, and they don't give a shit.

[Frank Stallone]

Right.

[Jim Norton]

It really is a childish. You're right. Adolescence. That's exactly what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think if you took. It was funny. I was just thinking about, you know, it's like Letterman had his first kid when he was 56. I don't know.

[Jim Norton]

Seinfeld was older, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Leno has no kids. He's 62 or whatever he is. You know, I mean, if you took all the comedians and let's get the black ones out of the loop for a second.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, they really do throw the curve.

[Adam Carolla]

They're fucking up My story. No, but if you took all the comedians and you just went, how many kids between, you know, average age 42 and 7 months, and how many kids between the top 30. Whatever, guy. I'm just thinking of the people I know off the top. My head is like five kids out of 50 people, and they're all knocking on the, you know, 45, 50 years old. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And if they have. They have them later. Like Letterman had his in his 50s, or, you know, you get like, Woody Allen. Did he have. I guess he had a couple of kids or they just adopted.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he had. He adopted them. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

He didn't even have kids. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you can't have sex with your own kid. I mean, you can.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Technically. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Mackenzie Phillips.

[Adam Carolla]

That moment. That moment where she was, like, sitting with Oprah, and Oprah's like, why now? And she's like, the reason I. I came out now is for all you out there who have had adult consensual sexual relations with your parents. And the on inch was like, yeah. Yeah. I don't. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Probably should have said both.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know. No, not here. There's the ones that were molested at age four and a half, but not the adult consensual.

[Jim Norton]

I don't get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Part.

[Jim Norton]

Just don't get how you can look at one of your parents and want to fuck them, and you're not supposed to want to. I mean, that's. That's one thing I'm really healthy with. I don't want to fuck a parent or a sibling.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, listen, I got the. I gotta wake the kids up. I have twins. They're seven. I have to wake them up before I go to bed and take them into the potty. And I get the thing from the wife. Make sure you wipe Natalia. And I'm like. I give her the toilet paper and tell her, that's not my bag. I didn't want anything to do with that, but really, it was insane. But about three weeks later, I was with my kids at California Adventure in Disneyland, and we're just sitting in the California side of the park, and California Dreaming by the Mamas and the Papas comes on. And I thought, you know, my daughter's on my lap, and I'm like, you may want to pull this one out of the rotation. I don't know. By the way, what's it gonna take if not this? How do you get. You have to get on a fucking bell tower somewhere and take out 15 coeds. Like, how do you get pulled out of that fucking rotation? How many. How many siblings you have to fuck before they pull you out of the happiest place on earth? And who's in charge of the set list?

[Jim Norton]

Do they still play Gary Glitter there? I imagine he got pulled. And that's a big one. That's a big, big song to pull. Gary Glitter is what you gotta do. You gotta molest kids a lot before they yank you. Like, even Roman Polanski. And there's no music, but he fucked a girl. And, yeah, it was one, so we'll still show his movies. You know, you really gotta molest a lot of kids, and you have to go somewhere to molest kids, and then they pull your shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I find if we like your art, that supersedes everything. And as I've always said, if you can dance, all is forgiven. Yeah, like, when people do that, they'll do a thing. They'll do it with Chris Brown. They do it with Michael Jackson. I swear to God, there's a part of us that I think is almost CRO Magnum. Like, we're like Michael Jackson with all those kids in his bed and the fucking Jesus juice and everything. Oh, my God. And someone will go, have you ever seen that guy move? That guy can move. And then everyone goes, yeah, he can move. And we're all kind of past it. Same with Chris Brown, you know, he beat the shit out of Randy. Yeah, but he can move. It's so weird how we're wired, but when we see somebody. If you want to, like, if you have a son and you want that son to get laid, teach that motherfucker how to dance, forget about, oh, you got to get a Porsche. Oh, you got to be an attorney. Oh, you got to dress to the night. No, no, just fucking be able to move, like. And by the way, you don't need a whole routine. You need. Literally, the moonwalk was four seconds. You need one move, just. And then kind of pretend like you're tired of showing off, you know, I mean, just a quick pop stop, turn around with a little moon at the end, and then just go off and sit at the bar and wait to get your dick sucked.

[Jim Norton]

It's primal. It is primal. It's like, you know, like when you look at tribes, like, you know, African tribes or wherever they are in the world, they're doing all these primal fuck dances. Like, that's a very prime. That's a very, you know, fucking primate thing that we all do. And, like, you know, we're in an advanced civilization, but when you See somebody moving, it just fucking gets your groin going. You're like, that's. They want. They want to fuck. She's moving her ass because she wants to fuck. It just hits that nerve.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And guys, we're not hardwired as much as women are in this department, this department, you can be fat, bald, have a fucking huge schnoz on you. And you get out on that dance floor and you pull off two good moves and you fucking go sit by the bar, wait for the retry, you see enough for the Jumbotron. As long as at the baseball game.

[Jim Norton]

While the Jumbotron's on you for the four seconds, if you can cover that, then you're good.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's really. It's not a, you know, Dancing with The Stars esque 90 second routine. It's literally 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, out. I'm just gonna fucking teach my son to do that or I'm gonna have to get him a ferret. Those are two ways. But that guy's creepy. Who? The ferret guy? The guy down on Venice beach with a ferret on his shoulder. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

There's always some creep walking around with wildlife on him just to get people to talk to him. It's really is. I think that most of those people are fucking. They've Asperger's or they're slightly sociopathic and they don't know how to communicate so they carry some fucking alive thing on them. So people walk up and oh, look at the thing. And then they have a human interaction.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Fucking creepy.

[Jim Norton]

Like the guy with the big snake walks around looking for attention.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

What are you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

And every once in a while he doubles down with the rollerblades. So now he's got the rollerblades and the snake because that's what you need is a fucking anaconda coming at you at 40 miles an hour.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Some asshole dolphin shorts.

[Jim Norton]

And it's like, I don't know, you could touch it. You could touch it. You know, he's comforting you and he's guiding. It's just creepy. In the Village, there's always those guys and I have zero interest in them. I refuse to talk to them.

[Adam Carolla]

And at some point he works in the word sensual. That's how you know he's a world class douche. I've never used the word sensual and not been making fun of somebody.

[Jim Norton]

I have in massage situation.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, really?

[Jim Norton]

Sensual. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we know it was a sensual or a little sensual because that's the code word for jerk.

[Adam Carolla]

Me Off.

[Jim Norton]

It's a nice way of saying that.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I know some. A fella or two that when they travel, enjoy a nice massage. And for me, it's a weird. It doesn't make sense to me. Like, the whole jerking off, someone else jerking me off part. I just feel like after 10 seconds, 10 seconds of them fumbling around, my hand would go, just get gekka. Get out of here. Let a pro take over. Like, it'd be as a carpenter. It'd be like watching my wife trying to hang a door. And eventually I'd just be standing with my arms folding, and eventually I'd go, all right, get out of there. Come on. Let me take over. I'll show you. I'll show you what I'm doing. But you enjoy it, right?

[Jim Norton]

Oh, my. It's when you're getting a massage and you don't know if she's gonna do it. And then you feel those fingers go up your leg and they just hit the balls or when you feel them brush your ass crack. It's fucking. It's like, oh, I feel like, you know, when Michael saw Apollonia and the fucking Godfather, like, that's how it feels. It's that fucking. That thunderstruck it's gonna happen. And it's this slow tease, like she's playing with your asshole a little bit. It's magic, man.

[Adam Carolla]

But don't you know in advance?

[Jim Norton]

No, sometimes you don't if you go into just a jerk joint, you know? But there are times where a regular masseuse will do it. It's rare. But when they do do it, it's fucking great. And you don't have to worry about knocking them up, you know, it's just, you know, it's a fun little game you play with yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I feel like half Those, let's say 30% of the chicks, and I don't know what percentage of the dudes would do it if they thought there was a nice tip in it for them. Because they're not uptight. They're putting oil on naked bodies all day, every day. So that's. That. That's number one. But they don't know whether you know and you don't know whether they know. And there should be one of those, like, medic alert bracelets or something. Like, if you're diabetic and you just wear that bracelet in case you get in a moped accident, you should just. I get jacked off. And they. They can ignore it if they. If not. But at least you let them know when you're laying there with your face through the donut and your hand dangling down. They're just sitting there in the fucking. You know, it's got, you know, it's got some sort of sign language thing for hand job, you know, just on. On there. Well, you're in then. Then they know, like, you just sort of. You don't have to have a discussion. That's who you are. If they don't participate in that, then they can just move on. It's like if someone is diabetic and they pass you at the Costco, you don't have to give them an insulin shot, right? You just see that they're diabetic and walk past them.

[Jim Norton]

But I like the mystery.

[Adam Carolla]

You like the mystery?

[Jim Norton]

I like the mystery. I like not knowing because it feels like a real interaction that way.

[Adam Carolla]

How much of it is and do you know and have you ever got on? That's Jim Norton.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. I've gotten that quite a few times. I've gotten. I've had girls who have jerked me off go, like, yeah, I really enjoy you, like, afterwards, which is always life, you know. Nice compliment. Yeah, I've gotten. Plenty of people recognize me. Plenty of whores in my life have recognized me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Not all of them. I'd say in the last 10 years, maybe 50%, 40%, maybe a little higher in the last few years, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's good, right?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, it depends.

[Adam Carolla]

Or does it take away from the experience?

[Jim Norton]

Depends on what you're doing. If you're doing something really dirty, you don't want the person recognizing you because then you want to have. They want to have a real conversation with you. Like, hey, I really enjoy your act. But if it's somebody you like, like, if it's somebody like, hey, I'd love to see her again, then you're different and you're interesting to them and they want to know about you. And then it comes to an advantage. You're not just some trick. You're a guy. Like, hey, I'd love to go see this guy perform. Depends on how you feel about the girl who's over there or the transsexual or whatever it is.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Oh, we'll get in that in a second. I've always said, you know, there's certain things that you like being known for and not being known for, what have you. And they're cool. Like, Snoop Dogg is just known for smoking pot, right? Like, if he's not smoking pot, you want to know why he's not smoking Pot. Like if he's literally could be going through airport security and if he didn't have weed, someone have to give him weed, because that's Snoop Dogg. That's who he is. And who he is. And Frank Sinatra was like, known for tipping. And I had a friend of mine once say, hey, buddy, you want to be cheap? Do you? And I said, I don't know, I'll tip. You know, I tip 20, 25% or whatever it is. Yeah, but buddy, you're a celebrity. You don't want word to get out that you're bad tipper. And I said, yeah, I do. As I do. And he said, why do you want that? And I said, well, do I want word to get out that I'm a great tipper? And then when I pull into New York and the guy grabs my bag from the back of the town car and brings it and I give him five bucks, he's fucking devastated. Because if Frank Sinatra gave you five bucks, you'd be pissed off. Right? Because he's Frank Sinatra. I don't want that status. So I like your jack off status. I like the notion of you can be known for a lot of things, but you're known for when you go somewhere, oh, it's Jim Norton. I guess I better jack him.

[Jim Norton]

We know why he's here. We know why he's here. Yeah, I do like that. I do like that. I mean that. In that case, I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

But this is an AIDS hospice. Do you think that's appropriate? And listen, he needs to be jacked off.

[Jim Norton]

But it can hurt you too, because somebody who might do it with someone they didn't know will be afraid that I'm gonna go out and talk about them. Oh, they're afraid you're gonna expose them or tweet about them or blog about, you know, so there's some of them that were, I think, more cautious with me than they had to be, or like, I would never blow up somebody's personal business, no matter how mad I was at them. I just wouldn't do it. It's a karma thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Transsexual you mentioned earlier.

[Jim Norton]

Yes, I think everyone should mention them.

[Adam Carolla]

How does that work for you?

[Jim Norton]

Same as any. Any other person, I'm sure. You know, you just. You get blown, you enjoy yourself. They're lovely people.

[Adam Carolla]

It does not add or subtract.

[Jim Norton]

Is it.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it factor in at all?

[Jim Norton]

It's hard to say, man. It's. I guess it can at times. And at other times you're like, no, that's not what I want, you know? Yeah. I mean, you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Jim Norton]

I've never actually logically put it through a thought process like that. It's like anything else. Sometimes you want to grow with big tits, sometimes you want to grow with small tits. Sometimes a girl with a dick, sometimes a blonde. You say it's just one of many subcategories of acting out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's interesting because I do feel that the guys that want to feel the sting of the whip on the back of their sack don't the next day want to be the person cracking the whip. They're constantly the person that's either feeling the whip or swinging the whip. But to have the kind of range where you go, ah, I'll take the cat o' nine tails on Monday and then on Tuesday I'll give it to you.

[Jim Norton]

Sure. They're called switches. Very common.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that you?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. I mean, a switch is like somebody who can be dominant or submissive. And there's a lot of people like that. I get bored very fast, so, you know, it's like I have to always have something that feels like I'm doing something, you know, that's a part of the high. I have to feel like. I've been very much into cuckold porn for the last year or two, which is where guys film, like not necessarily black guys, but usually fucking their wives.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jim Norton]

And if I think it's a big porn production, I don't enjoy it if I think they're all actors. But when I see, like you always know by the music, like, if I hear like fucking Britney Spears in the background, like no porn company could license that. So this is just somebody at home.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a cuckold towel.

[Jim Norton]

Yep. It's a fucking. If you hear popular music in the back or a TV show, if you're a Bob Costas in the background, you know, this is an amateur production because they didn't get fucking released as a permission.

[Adam Carolla]

But if he's in the room, it's probably professional.

[Jim Norton]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

He's actually calling it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Bob is actually cupping the fucking bulls balls. I like to watch the husband filming it because to me there's something so dirty about that and inappropriate about the wife doing this and humiliating her husband like that. Like the depth of this woman being dirty.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, it's basically, it's the. I think cuckold is like a Yiddish or Jewish thing, but I'm not. The term comes from. We can look into the origin of it. It's, you know, your wife is getting it. The Guy's filming it or husband is either filming her in the room. Right. Or usually in the room being filmed himself by a third guy or fourth guy or whatever it is. And then having sex with the most taboo guy you can find, which is sort of Mandingo warrior, Right?

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Or any stranger, any guy with a bigger dick than the husband. And I think that with black guys there are women that like that or just you're taught like, oh, you shouldn't do that. So I think for them that's a taboo. But any guy they're fucking who has a bigger dick than their husband, it's hot to me that the guy would film this and allow what should be such a painful experience and an agonizing jealousy experience to turn him on. There's something fucking so dirty about that that I love. And I don't know if I could actually go through with it hardcore like that with someone I was in love with to watch her get fucking. But I can certainly jerk off to it like an animal a lot. And I do. And I like when girls talk about it. I like when girls talk about how their ex boyfriend friends had a bigger dick than me or I want to hear that they were a better fuck. There's just something humiliating about it. In the realm of fantasy.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, it first appears in English literature in 1250. Wow. It's derived from the cuckoo bird alluding to the habit of female birds changing their mates often. Oh, wow.

[Frank Stallone]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure all the gents and gals involved know the origins.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, I'm sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. But let me ask you this and maybe you can answer it. Maybe you can't answer it. Is there part of you that wants that kind of humiliation? You know, my ex boyfriend had a huge cock and he was so much better and bad to just remove you from intimacy.

[Jim Norton]

Part of it, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe to go, well, I could never marry somebody who talked about her old boyfriend having a paint can between his legs. And this isn't a real. Like we're having a non real. This is a non loving, intimate thing. She's telling me something that's hurtful and humiliating. Yeah, I just came. But a way to keep her intimately at arm's distance.

[Jim Norton]

Sometimes it makes me feel closer to the person that we're sharing in such a deviant experience or exchange like that. We understand each other so well.

[Adam Carolla]

But does it get them off the list of I could marry this person, raise a family?

[Jim Norton]

Not at all. No. I'll tell you why. Like there's times where I feel Very loving towards, like a prostitute or. And it's just this weird, you know, inappropriate thing. But no, Any woman that just wants traditional, sexual. I admire them because they can do that. But for me, I'm too far gone for that. So I like a woman that can play in that. In that thing with me, but still be loyal or still be upfront with each other. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want a woman cheating on me. I don't want to go out and fucking somebody and then lying to me about it or even telling me about it. I like it when we're in it together and talking about it together and she's getting off humiliating me, just like. But I also like the idea of doing it to her. I like the idea of a girl who likes to be spanked or who likes to be, you know, someone wanted to be spit on. Like, I can play that role too, which I like a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

So I do kind of feel like Bob Costas here, actually. So the being with the transsexual versus transgender, I think that might be the same thing. Well, let's say pre op.

[Jim Norton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Who wants the post op? What are you gonna do with that?

[Adam Carolla]

That's just another chick to you?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. It doesn't even feel right. I fucked a girl who I think was a post op transsexual, but I didn't know. I went to a hooker in New York years ago and we're fucking and she was hot, but you could tell she had, like, fake tits. But I just had a really weird instinct that this felt foreign and wrong. Like it was the way the vagina didn't self lubricate. It just felt bizarre. And I'm like, I bet you that this is a post op transsexual. It just felt weird to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I play Pop Warner football with this dude?

[Jim Norton]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that was your instinct. But now if the guy has a penis. Oh, no, wait a minute. Well, the gal has a penis girl. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I wouldn't want a guy with a penis girl with a penis.

[Adam Carolla]

Girl with a penis, of course. And you get a blowjob from that girl. Yeah, that's fine.

[Jim Norton]

Why wouldn't it be inexpensive? 300 bucks?

[Adam Carolla]

Normally, I don't know, because I feel like. Well, I do. But you don't look at yourself as bisexual, do you? Or do you?

[Jim Norton]

You know, I don't know what to classify. I wonder that too. Like, if I was. If I knew, I would. I would just say it. But I honestly don't know what to classify because there's so of what I've done that has been addictive behavior. Like, how much of that do I want to do when I'm not acting out sexually? Not much. Like, it's really weird, like, when I'm drinking, when I'm drugging. When I was very young, anything I took because I, you know, I drank vodka, I drank Everclear. I drank anything. And I'm like, how much of this porn I watch or these things I've done is me acting out addictively? And how much is it? Because, hey, that's who you are, and that's what you like. And either answer is okay, but I don't actually know what the answer to that question is. I don't know, because I've done enough things where I'm like, well, maybe you are, maybe you're not. You know, I don't know. I wish I had. I'll probably know the answer to that when I stop acting out long enough to fucking come back to earth and go, well, this is what you like, and this is who you are. Like, I might not even like kinky sex. I might not want to ever be pissed on again. If I. If I. Because I normally don't crave the piss, which, it would be a loss, but there was one girl who I would hook up with, and we only fooled. Fooled around a few times. And it's years ago. And while we were fooling around, she wouldn't even ask. She would just fucking climb up and straddle my mouth and piss in my mouth, and then I swallowed it. And then she would just climb back down and, like, the fact that she didn't ask was what turned me on.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, let me have a hit off my Arnold Palmer.

[Jim Norton]

The fact she didn't ask.

[Adam Carolla]

The fact that she didn't ask, it.

[Jim Norton]

Was that she knew my mouth was a toilet for her. Like, it was the knowledge of that and the fact that she would do it and she would slap my face.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me use your own words in a different tone with the next guy she had sex with. The fact that she didn't ask. She fucking just pissed in my fucking mouth. And the fact that she didn't even fucking ask. I was fucking yawning. It wasn't because I was bored, but I was trying to get more oxygen in my shit. And the fact that she didn't. Fucking cunt. Didn't even fucking ask. She pissed in my mouth. See, I'm just putting a little twist on it.

[Jim Norton]

That is hilarious. Brilliant. That's a brilliant way to look at it. And you're right. That's. It really is in the eye of whoever's laying there with their mouth open.

[Adam Carolla]

In the mouth and eye and the.

[Jim Norton]

Mouth and fucking throat. Of the beholder.

[Adam Carolla]

Detached retina of the beholder. All right. I love the clarity and the honesty of Jim Norton, everybody.

[Jim Norton]

Thank you. I wish I had more clarity to your question.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, listen, all you can do. And I like when people go, I don't know, like, this is how I feel, or this is where I am now, or I can't. I can just tell you as much as I know about me at this point. Right. And that's a perfectly legitimate answer for me, by the way. You can tweet jimnorton. And like I said, the special coming on epics, August 23rd. One hour special. When you shoot a special like that, do you shoot two in a row and whack it together or how do you do it?

[Jim Norton]

Two shows. Yeah, we did an early show and a late show. I was very happy with how this one came out. I normally despise something when I shoot it. And we shot two, splice them together. And my, you know, the people I worked with are fucking great. My. The editor and the director. So it came out great. I mean, I'm really, really happy with it. And, you know, you always have to say that to promote your shit. And I always hate saying that to promote my shit. But this is the one thing I've shot that I'm happiest with in the moment of doing it. So I hope people like it. I watched it again recently and I was like. Because they wanted to have a premiere for it, Epics wanted to do a premiere. And I'm so filled with shame that I can't be around people watching me. I'm like, I just can't do it. I get humiliated. But I watched it. I'm like, fuck, man, you should have done a premiere with this. Because it actually was something I'm proud of. And I like how it came out.

[Adam Carolla]

And I Talked about again, 23 August on epics. We have some phone calls up there. Someone's got a. Oh, I forgot.

[Jim Norton]

People listen to us live. I thought this wasn't up for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we toss it up.

[Jim Norton]

Great.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Scott. 18, Bakersfield.

[Jim Norton]

Hey, Scott.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Ace, man, what's going on? Say hi to Jim Norton. Hey, Jim Norton.

[Jim Norton]

Hi, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

So first off, before my question on the whole batting average thing, I just have so many, and, you know, I'm going to toot my own horn Here. But I have so many friends who think that I'm just like one of the smartest dudes because I won't say anything until it's like that pristine moment and it's something like of value.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, it's good timing.

[Adam Carolla]

Be like Ryan Gosling in a movie. Just sit there looking super smart and then say one thing and then move your toothpick to the other side of your mouth. Everyone want to suck your dick. Yeah. All right, good Scott. But yeah, so I've heard you say before that you will kind of lean onto your brakes at the last possible second. Coming up to red light to, you know, conserve on the energy that went into making the breaks and, you know, preserving them. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm an efficiency weirdo. I literally find myself urinating at urinals wishing there was a water wheel in there so I could turn something with my urine so that I could power a 10 watt bulb for 15 seconds. Like, I hate, I hate scrubbing off energy, right? Like, I just, I just hate the idea of. I used fuel. I got this 4,000 pound hunk of steel moving down the road. Now I'm going to use more brake pad and more vulcanized rubber. Plying this brake, I just, it's not for money. It's not. Has nothing to do with, with finance.

[Jim Norton]

Is that a weird hoarding thing? Is that a weird really light hoarding thing? Like, my road manager, like never uses the horn. Like never. And like somebody will be cutting in and he won't, he'll just move out of the. I'm like, fucking. What do you think? You only. There's only a certain amount of beeps in there and you're saving them. You fuck beep. There's a weird, almost an OCD or a hoarding mentality to that.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a thing where I look at everything as a sort of unit of energy. You know, when someone's throwing out food, I just picture the sun, the farmer, the fertilizer, the truck driving it in the processing plant, getting shipped to the restaurant, the guys getting paid to put it. You know, the heat, the cooking, the BTUs, the energy that the waitress took, and then it's just goes in the garbage. And then when it goes to the garbage, it has to be processed again. I just look at it as just waste of energy. Like this units of energy, and I can't stand that. And to me, I just love the idea of. I think it's a weird thing, but I'm really attracted to race cars. And the reason I love race cars, and now that I'm sort of breaking it down, is when you look at a race car and you take off the bodywork and stuff, there's nothing there that doesn't need to be there. There's nothing there. Oh, it's just for show. Or there's nothing there because it looks cool. Every single thing on that car is only there to either make it go faster or cool something so it can run longer and run faster. Or if there's a fin on the outside, it's great downforce. Or to move air into the brake ducts to cool the ducts. I love the notion that everything could be. And then when I drive the cars, it's the constant. You're not trying to shave two seconds off. The course is two and a half miles around. You're not trying to shave two seconds, you're trying to shave three tenths of a second. How can I get a couple tenths off this weird sort of, how can we be better? How can we be faster? How can it be. We be smoother? How can we be more efficient? There's this thing I have, like, when I walk around my house, if I'm walking from my bedroom to just downstairs, I'll always grab something that needs to go downstairs. It doesn't matter. It's like, I'm going downstairs, I want something in my hand.

[Jim Norton]

Do you think that. Is that. Is that a form of ocd, do you think? I think it sounds slightly compulsive. I don't totally unrelate to it either. Believe me, I understand it, but it sounds a bit compulsive.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a little bit compulsive, but I don't need to do it. I just. It bothers me when you know somebody. It's not just me. Like when someone goes, hey, I'll just come by the shop and I'll pick up the wrench and then I'll go back to my shop and then I will come back again on Thursday. I'll go, no, no, no, just don't come out. Just come out on Thursday and I'll give you the wrench on Thursday. Don't come. Don't make two trips. I don't want to make you two trips. And people should be like, well, who gives a shit? He wants to make two trips, let him make two trips. I'm like, no, I won't have it. Yeah, it bothers me.

[Jim Norton]

Try not doing it. If you want to see how compulsive it is, give yourself a few Times where you think about doing it and don't and see how long it eats at you and see if there's a few of those that build up where you don't do it. You walk downstairs without bringing anything, and then you let him make two trips and try that for a couple days and see how it builds up. And it might build up into this fucking tremendous itch that has to be scratched. Maybe it is a little bit of.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll ignore my impulses and see if I kill my family. All right, Jim Norton. Good plan, Steve. Hello, 35, South Carolina. Hey, how you doing? Good. What's going on? Hey, I just want to say I'm a huge fan and I'm looking forward to a road car movie. Thank you. I appreciate it. And it's going to be my next movie, Jim. And we're doing a crowdfunding, and I'm happy to say that my listeners are. Got us over a million bucks.

[Jim Norton]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Just a few more days to go. I'll be real happy if we get to 1.2, because like I said, it'll all go into the movie or up my nose, but either way it's going to a good place. So thanks, Steve. What's your question? Well, I'm just going to say that I listen to your show every day and you're always talking about how your, you know, your parents kind of never got off the couch or did a whole heck of a lot with you. Right. But then you mentioned, like, you know, going whale watching, I guess, a couple weeks back. And then the other day you were talking about walking along the beach and finding that six pack a Coke. Yeah. It just seemed like maybe there's. I don't know, I didn't do a whole lot with my parents, so I just wonder if you did more with them than maybe you thought you did. I'll answer that question. I went whale watching with my school, so when I was in, like, the fifth grade, so that's the parent thing. And my dad had one friend, pretty much, and one friend only was his cousin Vince. And Vince Bruno lived in a small apartment in Santa Monica. And so, you know, once, and we had no air conditioning and lived in the Valley. And it was fucking brutal. So, you know, during the summer months, three times a year, four times a year, we would take the vw, the VW Bug that my dad owned up and over the 405, get Vince and my cousin Greg, and we would go to the Santa Monica beach. So it wasn't like he Chained me to a radiator and put cigarettes out on me. This is. My dad wasn't into anything, and he wasn't into spending money, and he wasn't, you know, but he wasn't a reclusive weirdo. He was this guy who would like to spend the day sitting back and reading a book and playing his flugelhorn and wasn't really, you know, and wasting no energy. And wasting no energy. And my mom was pretty clinically depressed, kind of wouldn't leave the house, welfare and all that food stamps and all that shit. My mom was overweight, depressed, you know, let herself go to the point where she didn't want to be seen, you know, out in public. And so she was much more stay at home. But I've gone out to. I would periodically go out to dinner with my mom and go to the beach with my dad. I even went to the track with my dad. But that was all sort of somebody. Like, I went to one Rams preseason game with my dad because somebody gave him tickets at work and went to a Rams preseason game. I went to the track because Vince Bruno used to like to play the ponies and convinced him, you know, it was like, yeah, but he wasn't a weirdo. Like, fuck that. I have a policy about never doing anything. It was just not much lethargy.

[Jim Norton]

Maybe he had a bit of lethargy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. But. But again, I wasn't there. There met many people that had it worse than me coming up. Never going to deny that, Steve. Okay. Yeah, good answer. Sounds fun. Hey, and one other thing. You. Your guest mentioned having, like, a 40% recognition rate from prostitutes. Maybe you didn't ask if, like, it was 4 out of 10 or, like, 800 out of 20,000.

[Jim Norton]

I think Adam knows which fucking side of the scale that leans on. It's not eight out of ten. Four out of ten.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. By the way. Yeah. 800 out of 20,000 is not. Not 40%. No. Is it not 2,000, maybe? Yeah. No, it's like eight. It's like 8,000 out of 20,000. Okay. You know what I mean? Or 7,500 or something like that. We'll work it out. All right, bud? All right. Thank you. Thank you so much. Love you. Yes. Jim Norton. I should give a little love to one of our fine sponsors. DraftKings, baby. Ah, fantasy football right around the corner. DraftKings. Got you covered. DraftKings.com you can celebrate with millions in cash prizes one day. Fantasy sports. It means you never get locked into the season, so you don't get a guy, he tears an ACL in your seasons. All right, now, next day, turn the page, baby. Like the great Bob Seeger would say, turn the page. Brand new season. Pick your team in minutes. Play for your share of the million bucks they'll be awarding during kickoff week. Anyone can enter for just a couple bucks and win cash prizes. Dawson, play for free. Yes. [e-mail] Enter Adam with your first pay game and get free entry into the million dollar kickoff bash. Seriously, free entry that could win you thousands just playing fantasy football. Use [e-mail] that's draftkings.com all right, Chris, line one, Napa, California. How's it going? Hey, Chris. Me and Dr. Drew are coming out to Carmel Sunset Theater to do a show Friday night, August 16th. You gonna come say hi? I am trying to do it. I missed your last show in Napa because I had flown out to Austin for MotoGP, but I'm really going to try to get there. Oh, MotoGP hot rod. It's motorcycles. Are you coming out to the track then you're coming out to Laguna Seca during the week? I'm going to try. I'm trying to. Hold on. The fuck is up with this guy in the trying? Look, Oprah Winfrey tries to come by your barbecue. You know what I mean? Like, that's her answer. You're 38, Chris from Napa.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Just fucking do it for once. That's a no.

[Jim Norton]

But he's just giving you no's. But he doesn't know how to say no.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, do you not know how to say no, Chris? Adam, I know how to say no. I will be there. There. That's what I wanted to hear. Now come by the pit and say say hi. Take a picture and all that shit, too.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going to do that before I.

[Adam Carolla]

Get to my question, to just agree.

[Brian Bishop]

With you for a second about the racing.

[Adam Carolla]

I raced motorcycles as a hobby and that's the thing I love about them, that they are purpose built. I have my street bikes, I have old vintage motorcycles. But I love my track bike because.

[Brian Bishop]

It is built for one reason and one reason only. To be as light as it possibly.

[Adam Carolla]

Can be and to go around that track as fast as it possibly can. Yeah, it's basically this. There's something that's cool about a Leatherman or a Swiss army knife, but there's nothing that's better than just a fucking sword. You know what I mean? It doesn't open cans, it doesn't have A Phillips head screwdriver just fucking kills people. Yeah, I love, you know, I love, that's what I love about a fighter aircraft. I love an F16. It's, it has one purpose and one purpose. Not like, well, it also carries letters. No, it just fucking kills people.

[Jim Norton]

Do you play chess?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how to play.

[Jim Norton]

I'm surprised you don't because you probably like it because, you know, the efficiency of moves and the lack of waste. Every move has a purpose towards what you're trying to do. I'm surprised you don't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you like languages, instruments, chess, like checkers was a little difficult for me. Like any learning, anything that smart people would do was off of my to do list. Go ahead, Chris. Sorry. Okay, get to my question just so I won't take up too much time.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm a black male, grew up in the south, born on the east coast.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree with everything you've said to date about the disintegration of the black families. My question for you, as the divorce rates go up across the board, from a racial standpoint, could you foresee any.

[Brian Bishop]

Other races getting to the similar point.

[Adam Carolla]

That the black families find themselves in and the Hispanic families find themselves in? I think any culture, whatever your color is or wherever you're from, you just look at family and education and there's no problems when you erode those two, whether it's an entire nation or. And by the way, if you can have one out of those two things, you're probably going to be okay. You may be poor but proud, but you'll be okay. But if you start eroding those two things, no matter what nation or what color you are, what language you speak, you're gonna be a few generations from fucking hitting the gutter. And I've always just said, I don't know if people argue with me, I've just said, look, two way. Culture, education and family is basically what. But diet and exercise is your waistline. Like, how can you argue with me? Like, people go, yeah, but what about metabolism that factors in, it does diet and exercise. And they go, yeah, but what about this fast food nation that's out therethere's a fast food drive through joint every 15ft and these energy drinks are chock full of corn syrup. And I go, understood, exercise and diet. And they go, yeah, but a lot of kids don't have access to Bali's or 24 Hour Fitness, all right? Then they got to run around the block, diet and exercise, play sports. That's All I'm saying, I mean, you can keep going, we can go round and round and round with this. But I will tell you, if you're fat, diet and exercise. If you're poor and you're not doing well, intact families focus on education. This whole notion of. Yeah, but what about some people? They're born broad at the shoulder, narrow at the hip, okay? So they don't have to exercise as much. What do you want me to tell you? Some people are fucking dumpy. They just have to exercise more. Some people are smart, some people are dumb, some people are born rich, some people are born poor. What do you want me to tell you? You want to get out of diet and exercise, education and family, that'll cure it. And people don't like the answer to.

[Jim Norton]

Education and family because a lot of times it doesn't seem like there's anybody to blame. Like the people like to have a quick person or quick entity they can blame for whatever is happening wherever it is. Diet and exercise means there's work required and family and education means that there's a certain amount of work required.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's two things. First off, it's your job. It's not anyone else died in. It's. It's an interesting metaphor for the family and the education. Because if you go to Amazon, five of the top 20 books always be diet books, and you'll be like, really? We all haven't figured out the part where you fucking put down the Creamsicle and do a couple push ups. Like, I mean, we all, I don't care who you are at this day, this is not cigarettes in the 50s or hi, I'm Joe DiMaggio for Chesterfield. You know, like, no, my seven year old understands that you eat a bunch of shit, you get fat, you exercise, it's important, you eat your vegetables. Like, we all understand this truth, but.

[Jim Norton]

They don't like that truth.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't like that truth. So what we do is we get a book and that book is going to work around that truth. Oh, you eat all the pork chops you want. You start off by eating bacon in the morning and pork chops and then you can have soft swirl bacon flavored yogurt at night and you go, oh, that truth sounds a fuck of a lot better to me. And when someone says, hey, focus on the family, focus on the education. It's like that kind of feels like doing push ups. I think the government should get involved and they should do some push ups. And it's like, it's pretty good. But when you get a whole group of people together don't feel like doing any push ups, if I'm the one who's leading the charge, then someone's got to get in here and start doing some push ups. Well, here's my point. The government really doesn't do anything that well. And they're not going to do anything for you that well. I would like to just sit back and let them get involved and do a great job with me and my family. I don't think it would work that well.

[Jim Norton]

They couldn't run OTB in New York. They took it over. They fucking lost on horse racing. It closed. When the government took it over, it closed.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So what I'm saying, even though people call me misogynist, homophobic, racist, whatever it is, I'm just like a dietician saying, look, I've seen your cholesterol level and you got on the scale and I don't care what color you are, you need to start eating more vegetables and doing more running and then you'll be heart healthy.

[Jim Norton]

People want to have a bullshit filled, polite answer to questions. And if you don't give an answer that alleviates whatever the person asking the question wants you to alleviate, they accuse you of something. Like if you say, well, you have to do this and you put the responsibility on them, well, then you're this. If you give them an answer which empowers them and makes somebody else the culprit, then they're happy with your answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I should say thanks to Chris. Chris. Yes, sir. Yeah. You come out, I'll recognize you immediately as the one black guy at the Carmel Sunset Theater. Now you're going to be asked where your seat is a lot by a lot of white people that are coming in. They're going to want to know where their seat is.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll be the big black guy with the $40,000 motorcycle.

[Adam Carolla]

How about that? How about that? And then come by the track and find me. I got a really cool car, I'm running and come say hi. Done and done. All right, Chris, thank you. Thank you. New personal best. I spoke to a black guy without saying man.

[Jim Norton]

Very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

For three and a half minutes. Difficult as you're working like 2.9, man. Thanks, man.

[Frank Stallone]

Appreciate it, man.

[Jim Norton]

Be good, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, man. Yeah, I realize if you talk to a black guy, you put man you will use. I don't use man at all.

[Jim Norton]

No, I call people brother, though. I try not to do it black guys because it sounds like you're just trying to assimilate and sound black. But I call white guys brother. Whatever. I never have to call people.

[Adam Carolla]

Dr. Drew said, when you use something pejorative, how do you make it. How do you make it nice? Colored. You can't say colored. I said, if you put fella at the back of it, you can do whatever you want. A colored fella seemed like a nice guy. It just makes you feel old. Makes people think you're old. But if you put fella behind anything you say, you can say Oriental. Oriental fella was a hell of a guy, don't you think? Everyone will leave you alone. They'll be ready to pounce on oriental. If you put fella in there, they'll just back right off.

[Jim Norton]

It's a really. It's a. It's a lovely word and it's endearing. And it just says that you have no malice towards the person you're talking about. No one hate. No one ever says that, you know, that fella's a cocksucker. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point. And a good note to go out on Carmel Sunset. You guys know all that. Me and Dr. Drew coming to Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom, August 23rd, 24th, and 25th at this Boston Wilbur Theater. That's a great theater. I played that last year, so. And I sold it out. So if I don't sell it out this time, I'm gonna fucking blame Drew. It's gonna be awesome. Awesome. That's the 24th and the 25th will be in Newport, Rhode Island. And again, just a few more days left. Thank you so much. And if you're going to Amazon, you know what to do. Adamcorolo.com Click through the banner. So till next time, it's Adam Carolla for Jim Norton. Remember, next Friday, August 23rd on epics saying, oh, forgot Allison Rosen. Our own Allison Rosen is your new best friend. This week's guest, Pam Adlon. Love me some Pami Adlon. She's the only one who know who wears stripper wedgie flip flops. She has, like, flip flops that make her nine inches taller. New episodes every Monday and Thursday. AlisonRosen.com is ready to go. So until next time, Adam Carolla for Jim Norton, Chris Maxapata and Gary Haftard saying mahalo.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that was Adam and Jim.

[Adam Carolla]

Norton one on one back in 2013. Coming up next, we have Frank Stallone, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop. This is adam Kroll show 1159. Also from 2013. Frank's a legendary guest on the podcast dating back all the way to the first year. He always has crazy stories and interesting tidbits about himself as well as his brother. Hope you guys enjoy. And good day. Allison Rose. Hello, Adam Corolla and bald Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

John Boyer wanted that on Twitter, hashtag top drop. I realized as it came in I wasn't playing any applause. The 360 machine, the machine I use for the drops, is busted. None of the buttons are working. We're kind of fried out here. So I was thinking, well, I can get by with what I have here. I have the news intro. I have some random stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

I already missed the drops, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

But then I realized, oh, the applause. That's. Look, it's gonna feel kind of naked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Especially when Frank Stallone comes in here first. A sad correction. We were talking about our old schoolmate Dane Boisen, who had an affliction, congenital heart problem or something back in the day. And Ray was assigned to protect him. He has passed away. I spoke too soon because I spoke to a family member of his or something when we spoke about him some years ago, and he said, oh, no, Dane's still around, which was surprising to me. But Dane had passed about a year and a half ago, and actually, I think it was 2011 or 12. But anyway, was his passing related to his condition? Yeah, he was. I believe that he had rejected a donor. You know, parts, lungs, you know, organs. He'd rejected that the body hadn't. Yeah. So. But the fact that, you know, I told Ray and we're both sort of sad about it, but I said, well, you know, if you knew what kind of shape he was at age 7, and then would have been able to make a deal with either the devil or maybe an angel that he'd make it to 47. I believe his parents at the time would have taken that deal, and so would his doctors. So, you know, as I said to my wife when she lost her friend who was 34 years of age, I said, it's not like we all don't die. We sort of pretend like this doesn't happen. It happens to everyone, good and bad, young and hopefully old. But everyone dies. The question is, is it stillborn? Is it bike tricycle accident at 3? Is it thrown off your pony at age 7? Is it 47 when you reject a new set of organs? Or is it 87, hopefully thrown off.

[Brian Bishop]

The pony at 87 or thrown off.

[Adam Carolla]

The pony at 87? We all hope to be thrown off the pony at 87, but eventually everyone's getting thrown off the pony.

[Brian Bishop]

See, right there. I would have played the more, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, it's really hurting me. That's right. So we're all getting thrown off the pony. And if you sort of look at it, it's what. What did you do in those 47 years or 34 years or whatever? I would argue a lot of folks haven't done a lot of living and make it to a ripe old age. And a lot of people squeeze a lot out of a little. So, Dane, he will be missed.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you regret. Did you personally call him Boysenberry?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it was one of those things that immediately came. Well, first off, if your last name was Boysen, you would be called Barry anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. No matter what.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The fact that he was. Fingertips and nose and earlobes were purple then exacerbated the whole boys. And this is.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know what. I don't know what the appropriate emotion to have is. So I just. Look, I'm trying to hold in a fart right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Trying not to laugh. It looks like someone else's fart, too. Looks like a fart transplant. You rejected that.

[Jim Norton]

Your body's rejecting it.

[Adam Carolla]

In happier news, I told my maid to knock it off. When I. I was. On Friday, I did the Tonight show, and I was having a stressful sort of day of it not. There's something that's stressful about the Tonight show just because. It's just that it's the Tonight show, you know, it's something we all kind of grew up watching and it was all part of our life. And it's iconic. It's iconic. And so when you do the Tonight show, it's always. And for me, it's always, you know, sit down and do nine or ten minutes and dance. I always feel like I have to dance. You know, look, if you're a good looking chick from Glee, you can sit there and tell a boring story. And no one said, no one really cares one way or the other. You know, for guys like me, I am one and, you know, who knows where the show's gonna go, if the show's gonna go somewhere. But I always feel like I'm at one shitty appearance away from never being asked back. I get asked back based on the strength of my appearances. Not, oh, Adam's got a book coming out or Adam's on a hot show or he's got a bunch of stuff going on. I don't have anything.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. It's that they know you're a dependable, great guest.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So I have the sort of, let's not disappoint them mode. And then I found out Simon Cowell was going to be there, and I just felt like he'd just be sitting there in a tight T shirt, just taking it all in. So I was sort of going over some of the stuff I was going to get into and looking for my suit kind of thing. And I walked into my bed bathroom off of my bedroom, and my maid was in there, of course, with her back turned to me. And I was sort of in a hurry to grab like a stick of deodorant or something before I got dressed. And she gave me the hey. Which, by the way, people being scared scares you more than they're scared. Ironically, it's that way in the foul world as well. Like when you come upon a pigeon or something and the pigeon gets scared and flies away, you're actually the victim, not. Not the pigeon, not the. Whatever you walk into, whether it be the rat in the room or whatever, cockroach, whatever you think you've startled, they end up doing a much better and more effective job of startling your asshe did the. Lynette got a big laugh out of it because she did the like, hi. And I went, huh? And then I went, hey, stop it. You're in my house. It's fucking two in the afternoon and the sun is overhead. Do not be shocked when you're in your bathroom and you see big hairy guy in a rush come around the corner. Feel free to be startled.

[Brian Bishop]

That would be shocking.

[Adam Carolla]

Do not be startled. When you're in my bathroom, in my bedroom, and I am in my home. I don't make the proclamation, I'm going to Bavaria. I'll see you in a few years. It's me. It's different, you know, stages of me walking in the bathrobe, me coming past her doing the can I go into the bedroom? Me going, I gotta brush my teeth. And then give me 10 minutes. You know, there's a lot of that choreography. It's a lot of me walking around the house. There's no reason to be fucking scared. So I just yelled at her, like, knock it off.

[Allison Rosen]

Did she take it in?

[Adam Carolla]

I have no idea. I was walking out of the room, pissed off, just going, I just stop being fucking surprised. It's one of those things that's hard to yell at somebody, but I feel like she could. She doesn't have to be that shocked when she's in my bathroom and I walk in. I didn't shoulder roll into the bathroom. I walked into the bathroom and she did that.

[Jim Norton]

Hey, but you're so right.

[Allison Rosen]

Why is it alarming to come upon someone who's alarmed by you? Like, is it like innately we know that when people are scared, that's when they do something erratic and that's why we're scared. Or is it just a contagious kind of thing?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't mean from my end.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Cause you're totally right. If someone goes, then it freaks you out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because I'm walking up on somebody who's in a position of. She's at mid task of something that I find to be that my brain makes sense, can make sense to. Like, here's this woman. I pay her, she comes to my house, she cleans my bathroom. And so she's midstream cleaning the bathroom, and then I walk in. Which in my mind is not. Is not cause. Does not, should not cause anything. So I just walk in. So there's nothing going on, but she's doing the job. I pay her due. And then in the middle of it, she goes, hey. And. Which makes me wonder what happened. Feel like, yes, she got her genitalia caught in the mechanism of the sliding drawer on the countertop or something like that. Yeah. So anyway, I just told her to knock it off. And for some reason that Lynette spends most of her time telling me, hey, don't talk to that person that way or stop doing this or leave this person alone or blah blah, blah. She actually got a nice big fat laugh out of it. Then it was off to the Tonight Show. I always love this, but this is how the business is. I was supposed to be there at 2:30. I don't really do any prep. They put a mic on you and you stand around in your dressing room. Jay always comes in and hangs out and we're talking about racing and cars and blah, blah, blah. We always do. But they do the call where they go, can you be there 2:15 instead of 2:30? Which to me just means they want to make sure I'm there by 2:30 because they know 2:30 might mean 245 to me. So I end up just showing up around 2:30 anyway. But there's nothing. Simon Cowell's not there. He's not there. He's the first guest and he's not there till after three. He just shows up in a like, Bentley stretch limo with like. You can always tell the heavy hitters because their makeup, Their makeup person is there before, you know. For me, it's the Tonight show makeup person. For the band members, it's the Tonight. They have their makeup, their little entourage.

[Brian Bishop]

BYO Makeup person set up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Nice guy. Loves the cars. Claims he's going to come by. I got his number. Come by and check it out. Maybe we'll see if we can get him on the pod at some point, but had fun with him. Fun time, good show, all that. I didn't make the connection between my daughter being the One Direction fanatic and he, Simon Cowell, being, I guess, in the One Direction movie, quite a bit, which makes sense. And my daughter. Again, this stuff rears its head very early when it comes to the ladies. My son and my daughter. My daughter, you got to earn it with her. It's very conditional. My son, I'm Daddy. That's it. He loves me. Her. It'll vary from day to day. It'll depend on how many strangers at the Lowe's come up and say hi to me. That'll dictate how nice she's going to be to me walking to the car. Lowe's. If a bunch of folks at the Lowe's at Burbank come up and want to say hi and take a picture, then it's a nice ask. I buy myself a nice two hours of goodwill on the way. But if not, she's in kiss the scalp mode. She doesn't give me the lips.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, if she witnesses you getting rejected for a credit card at the Lowes, then it's no good. Like, yeah, you're my dad, but what have you done for me lately?

[Adam Carolla]

55K? Come on. So you up to tenfold? I wonder how often that happens. So I said, the Lowe's story, for those who didn't listen. Last week, I was trying to get a Lowe's credit card, and they asked me how much I made, and I just said, $55,000. And then they called Bangladesh and the chick told me I was rejected, and she was speaking in code, but I sort of was trying to figure this out. I said, well, what would get me unrejected? And she'd be like, I can't tell you over the phone, but maybe if you made a little more money, that would help. And I was like, all right, I make $500,000 a year. And she's like, okay, you're in.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe if you got a raise in the next four to five seconds.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I wonder which one she thinks is the lie.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm hoping that she was looking at something that would substantiate something more than just Mr. Tate coming up to me and going, you got a huge Raise in the middle of this conversation. So Natalia, who's, like I said, always waffling somewhere between you embarrass me, I don't know you. And hey, good enough for the guy at Lowe's, good enough for me in terms of taking a picture. She found out that I was chilling with the dude who invented One Direction, the guy behind One Direction, and then showed her daddy on Leno's sofa screwing around with that guy. And I was right back in.

[Allison Rosen]

For how long, do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Top the leaderboard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The bloom was off the rose this morning, but as of yesterday was big. It was a big to do. So. Always good to get a little traction. It's weird. I wish. I picture your parents trying to earn it with you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I just feel like my mom was one big long. Hey, Ma, can I get a ride to Van Nuys? Sure. I couldn't get a ride. Oh, Jesus.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

No, just.

[Frank Stallone]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

You know what. Ah, it's like two miles away. Yeah, but it's two miles there and then two miles back, so that's like 80 miles.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think it's quite that much. I'm pretty sure it's way, way less.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, but it costs money every time you start the car.

[Brian Bishop]

Statistically insignificant.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, every. No, it's oil, it's gas, it's wear and tear. Although I don't feel like we need the word tear. Like, we don't need meet and greet. We can just put meet or. And. Or greet or wear and. Or tear. We don't need both. But yeah, my mom obviously wasn't interested in putting on a happy. She was one big. You want what? No, that's so much. No, that costs. No, that's expensive. No, like, it was all this. Now all the parents are like, well, don't disappoint. Make them. I want them to be. My parents had zero interest in them. Forget about being my hero, being even human beings. Like, they just didn't have. I don't feel like they burnt a fucking calorie with my opinion of them. Yeah, like. Like, oh, my kid's not gonna think I'm a rock star or superstar or hero or the hardest working dad out there about it. Little to. No. I think that may be one they may take with them to the grave. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

But how much does it affect your mood? How Natalia treats you that day or regards you? Because that's something I worry about when I think about becoming a parent. I feel like I would take too.

[Adam Carolla]

Many Things, personally, I don't, because of where I come from and how I was raised. I have a thing where it's like, you know, she'll do the thing where it's like, but I want to go swimming now. And I'll go, like, you can jump into your huge swimming pool in 20 minutes. I'm not. I don't, you know, this notion of what she has, what kind of mom she has, what kind of structure she has, what kind of environment she's in, and it's a lot of cry me a river. Like, it's so fucking far ahead of everyone else. So much more than whatever we had, but certainly leaps and bounds ahead of what anyone else has on this planet, save Simon Cowell's unborn child, that it's like, I don't care, you know, Like, I mean, she'll do the thing where she'll, you know, I don't know, we'll get froyo and she'll get the wrong topping, will get put on, and it'll be a disaster. But I'm not buying into this, you know, this is not a problem. You do not have a problem. You live in a big house with people that love you and take care of you, and you have a big swimming pool and you're fine. I'm not buying into this. So on the other hand, when my son comes up to me and shows me his iPad that has a Skylanders kids toy thing, I don't know anything about some action figure, video game thing or something. What are you talking about? And he's on the voice of one of the guys, Anchorhead or something in Skylander. And he's explaining that that's his favorite character. Yeah, it makes you go, yeah, that feels good. It would feel cool. It'd be. You could imagine seeing a cartoon or video or something. And your dad was the voice of one of the cool whatevers on that. Yeah, that's a cool, you know, happy, happy perk. So anyway, I just warned her that I got Mr. Cowell's phone number and she better start kissing ass if she wants some of those One Direction tickets.

[Brian Bishop]

Total footnote. Thinking of kids and their parents and celebrities and the star football season today. I imagine this is a non sequitur a little bit, but it's along the same lines. I imagine a lot of little kids of linemen or non skill position players, kickers holders, their favorite player is somebody else. And that must be a little uncomfortable for the player whose kid it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they definitely have Kaepernick's. Jersey over whoever the long snapper is on.

[Brian Bishop]

Joe Staley's kid loves Colin Kaepernick.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a tackle. Yeah, right, that right. He thought that was interesting. Tackle on offensive tackle. Right. I do believe. Speaking of that, I got something to get into. I was watching the Green Bay game and the Niners game earlier in the day and I had a little thought on that real quick. First, Carbonite. The other thing I was doing today was talking to Mike lynch over there and wherever the fuck he went. To Loserville.

[Allison Rosen]

Loserville, Mass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

He's an upper Loserville.

[Adam Carolla]

Upper Loserville.

[Brian Bishop]

Nicer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's on the right side of the loser tracks. We had a nice long conversation about the new book and all the stuff that's gonna be in it and all the chapters and all the outlines and. Oh boy. And it's all backed up by Carbonite because, well, as Paul Bryan knows, you could imagine writing 100,000 words and then having them all go away.

[Brian Bishop]

I could imagine that and it would be devastating, like crestfallen. I wouldn't be able to go on.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't even know how you put a number amount to that. It's a year's worth of work. The point is, and it's thoughts that.

[Brian Bishop]

Come to you and you're inspired and.

[Adam Carolla]

That may never come back to you. And the worst is you will. You'll think they won't come back to you. Even if they did, you won't recognize them.

[Brian Bishop]

You'll always be like, oh, that thought that I had, what was that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so you back up your files and it does it automatically and it does it continuously. And let's face it, it's one of those things. I don't know, you have car insurance or some people buy Apple Phone and they have Apple Care, whatever it is. This. This is something you need in this day and age. You need the picture, pictures, the documents, whatever you're working on. You don't have to be an author. Carbonite Unlimited backup for your PC or Mac. And it's just 59 bucks a year. And it's just one of those. We're living in an age where this is part of doing business. In our age. It's one of those things like, I don't know, a cell phone or DVR something. You just have it now. It's Carbonite, it's backup. And by the way, you can get a free [e-mail] use the offer code ACE to get two free bonus months. And I don't know if we make up new months. And if we do, I want them named after me.

[Brian Bishop]

Super secret bonus months.

[Adam Carolla]

Or we just go into the next year anyway. It's impossible to say two free bonus months, but you got to go to carbonite.com and use the offer code ace. All righty. You guys give me your favorite tweets. I don't know if Brian's capable of playing that. You tweet him crap about passion fruit iced tea, viragosa and pizza with goat cheese. The stupid signs on Los Angeles streets. These are a few of his favorited tweets. The quick thing I was gonna tell you, which I love about sports most of the time, is the meritocracy of it. That's why I think, and I've always said this, that people are secretly drawn to sports. They're now. I don't mean secretly, but magically attracted.

[Brian Bishop]

Instinctively.

[Adam Carolla]

Instinctively. It's a very deep level. We love sports, and because when we turn on the television or we go to the ballpark or whatever it is, because everybody on that field is the best. And it doesn't matter if they're all one color or another color or we mix up the colors. It doesn't matter where they're from. They're never from a good place. Occasionally they are, but it's like nothing but the best on that field. And as I always say, never the owner's son, where he's playing quarterback, and you're on, oh, come on, Daddy's money. No, it's just all of the best. And I think we're all just as human beings attracted to that. Like, there's something incredibly pure about what we're seeing out on that. On that field. And you see, you'll see, like, the whole. The entire Ravens defense is black, okay? And 14% of the population is black, but the entire Ravens defense is black. And we all just look at it and go, those are the best 11 guys on the defensive side of the ball. There's no complaints. There's no. Like, I want to shove one white guy in the middle there named Saragusa.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to. There must be a quota of. You know, there's got to be one of something represented. No, we just go, those are the best. I guess if there's a 12th guy who's white and one of the bros. Go. Goes down, he'll be in next man up. Or if they draft somebody who. You know, who's. I'm trying to think of the linebackers from usc.

[Brian Bishop]

Was that like Clay Matthews?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they get Clay Matthews Traded, then he'll. He'll be the white dude in there. But.

[Brian Bishop]

Or even better to your earlier point, someone from the practice squads just bust their ass and all of a sudden, hey, he is one of the best. 11 guys. We got to get him on the field.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just the best. And I was watching the game and they said the kicker for the packers really struggled last year, and he was the least effective kicker in the league. I don't know, 63% or something like that. So they just went in and renegotiated. They said, look, you know, for 2.5 million bucks, we don't need you as a kicker on his team. And he said, I'll take 800 grand. Keep me and let me prove to you throughout the course of the season with incentives that I can. I do belong in this league and I do belong in this team. And that's like, there you go. Perfect. Who has a beef with this? Don't we all like this? Here's, here's a lower amount, but. But here's some incentives for you to stay after practice and kick your way back to $2.5 million.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think they debated it? Cuz they're allowing someone that they, if I understand correctly, I don't know that I have these deep levels.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they feel like he's good, he had a bad season, but. And I'm sure they had a conversation with him where he seemed wildly motivated about kicking his way back into the top 10 instead of the bottom 10.

[Brian Bishop]

And as a fan, I love the incentive, you know, laden contracts, because then, you know, the guy's really going for it. The guy with the big, long guaranteed money. That's the guy you got to worry about.

[Allison Rosen]

The tenured player.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the guy who has a, you know, five year contract with half the money guaranteed because in the NFL you can be cut and basically lose most of your salary, which is why it's so competitive. But then you will get those players who get guaranteed money, and for the most part, they're the best players. But sometimes that doesn't work out for you, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And yes, tenured is the name we. You can't be fired. And then you look at it and you spread it out in terms of a society, and then eventually you just have communism. It's like, why should I go in and open the store, sit home and get drunk and get the same pay? And then you get a very bad field goal average and percentage. Okay, sorry, favorite tweets. The first you guys are taking tweets of feats. And you're sending me all of the fucking bear tootsies. And again, are we living in the Purell time? Because I felt like I spent the last five years yelling at everyone for doing these super crazy hand sanitizing all the time. Which by the way, one of my early predictions with that stuff is it will come back to bite everybody. We will be less healthy and less able to fend off diseases because of all this weird hand sanitizer that we're not supposed to be using. So I never used that shit, but everyone else jumped on it, went berserk five years ago with it. But are we living in that era or are we living in the barefoot all over the place era? And now we're living simultaneously in the super germaphobic Howie Mandel fist bump. And this picture which somebody sent me.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's a joke. No, that's real.

[Adam Carolla]

This is. And I can figure out we can give some love to these guys. This is on a commercial flight. It's great because you can just. Everyone has a camera and a phone and phone camera and everybody can take a picture. And if you're a seat or two behind the person, this is somebody. And it said, this is from Barrett, Barrett Etheridge. He said the guy just kept flicking the light, the overhead light on and off with his foot.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a picture of the seats in front of him and all you see is a foot sticking up. Literally hitting the on off button for the light. It's comical. Looks like photoshopped.

[Allison Rosen]

Now what position is he in that he could do this?

[Adam Carolla]

He's in down douche. So he said the dude behind us on the plane just casually turning the lights on and off with his bare feet.

[Brian Bishop]

That's true sociopathic behavior. That's I'm gonna get this light dirty and who cares about everyone else who comes after me?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, theoretically, now I don't care because I'm the guy who.

[Allison Rosen]

You said pigeon's nut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that sounded wildly erotic. But no, I'm the guy who finishes a show, stands outside, goes to the lobby of the theater, takes pictures and shakes hands with 350 people sometimes and shakes the sweaty hands of everyone and then walks backstage and reaches that hand in and grabs some chocolate covered almonds and pops it in his mouth. And I do it intentionally and that's why I never get sick. So I don't give a shit. But he doesn't know that that's how I am. And the next person who sits in that seat is not going to be Me and somebody's going to have to take their bare finger and push it up there. And then reach and eat some more of their Fiesta mix and their little pouch. I want a society where this guy gets fucking caned. I want him to be caned. I don't want a polite excuse, you, sir. I want a fucking caning on the flight or after. I'll take on flight caning. International waters.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? To me, once you're above 30,000ft above terra firma, like when you're above the earth, the topsoil. 30,000ft. That's fucking international water. You should be whatever you want you.

[Allison Rosen]

To gamble and cane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Or gamble on Canaan.

[Adam Carolla]

Great morning. Great morning to you. Hey, everybody. 27 after the hour. That's 33 away from the top of the hour. News, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, weather news coming up. All coming up. Gamble and Kane coming at you in the morning. Again, it's 27 after the hour. It's 33 away from the top of the hour. And news traffic. And do we do the news to half and on the 20 and on the tens and on the fives and on the 2 1/2 and on the 1.25s and. Well, actually, we just missed one. Actually, now I owe 30.

[Brian Bishop]

Too much filling.

[Adam Carolla]

Too much filling. Hawaiian gardens checking in. 72. Redland, 72 degrees. It's cane and Gambler in the morning. Yeah. Gamblin, Kane in the morning. Duarte, 72. Commerce. 72. Irvine, 72. Santa Rosa, 72. Thousand Oaks and 100 Oaks all checking in. 72 degrees. Canogue Park, 72, Diamond Bar, 72. Flint Ridge. 72, Diamond Bar and Flint Ridge all checking in for combined 144. But if you break it apart. 72 degrees. Compton, 72 degrees. That's Gamblin and Tootsies in the morning. Canaan. Gamblin in the morning coming at you. News, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic. Weather news. Top there, look out of four or five. Mattress in the lane. Sloan, go look out for brake lights.

[Brian Bishop]

In the real world. Their program director is thrilled by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he reflects. We're hitting the target.

[Brian Bishop]

Peeps Just couldn't be happier.

[Adam Carolla]

The timeout. Yeah. So here's the guy. You can go to AdamKroll.com and you can look at this. This is a barefoot. Now, the guy's obviously bored. I'm assuming on the flight and he's laying down in his seat and he's kicked his shoes off. People, I've said it before, but that people. This is the TSA's fault. Because somebody did the math. They went, if I can take my shoes off at the airport and walk through the filthiest corridor. Worst batch of carpet ever, by the way, where tons of other people have walked around barefoot before and after me, why can't I kick my shoes off on an airplane? And now they're fucking off at the airplane. They're off at the Starbucks. Another guy sent me a picture. He had the something at a Starbucks or bar or something had his shoes on the table, but his feet weren't in them.

[Brian Bishop]

Shoes on the table, empty shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And also for you folks out there, is there. I would ask this. I would ask the same thing I would say to my grandmother when she wanted me to go. When she wanted me to go to the nudist camp. I don't find trunks confining. You know what I mean? I don't feel like I couldn't play. I don't think my beach volleyball game would go up significantly if me and my partner would were new. Do you.

[Brian Bishop]

Good game, Adam. Tough loss. Yeah, we would have had him if I just had these damn trunks.

[Adam Carolla]

I just had my fucking balls swinging around. And while my partner was digging it out, he'd get nice some back sack on his head. Like, I don't feel shoes are confining. I don't. I've never had a problem going. Man, if only. You know, I don't think I could sit through this whole movie wearing these Teds, you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

I'd like to point out that I don't think that's a Starbucks because there's a tablecloth that's an actual restaurant and he has a tennis shoe sitting on the table, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's worse.

[Adam Carolla]

Business end down. And again, I used to work construction. You'd put your boots on in the morning and these were like boots. And then you just go the fuck to work. And then you took them off 11 hours later when you got done crawling around and climbing on roofs and stuff. What's up? And then what's with.

[Allison Rosen]

Think about horses. They wear them for years.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And the blatant display of this. And then also, the dude we're looking at is 60. Maybe he's 55. I'll bet you he made it through 0 to 45 or 50 without kicking his fucking shoes off at the restaurant. This stuff was not acceptable five years ago. Why? Why now? You know what I mean? Like why? What with the foot pain all of.

[Allison Rosen]

A sudden, when, like, there have been times, if you guys ever had this experience where you're walking around and maybe you haven't actually might be a long hair thing where you feel like there's a hair in your sock and it's.

[Brian Bishop]

Not for a long time.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably not. But anyway, if I ever have that and I'm even a tiny bit in public and I have to take my shoe off and I want to take my sock off, like, I feel really. I feel totally self conscious, even adjusting that even if I'm just standing in the open, Yes, I would want to go into a private place to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

When I go through the airport and I have to take my shoes off for the time that my shoes are off, I feel sort of weird and vulnerable. I want my shoes back. And I rarely go, you know, I rarely tie my laces together and throw them over my shoulder like a Continental soldier and say, well, I'll just put these on when we get to o'. Hare. Like, I go, shoes on right now. I don't go. I'm just gonna cruise through the airport with my shoes off. And then maybe later on, if we're eating, I'll put them on or something. They go right on as fast as I can get them on. I even attempt to do them while I'm walking, which is a weird kind of move. So what is it? And then what's going on? And then how do we enforce this shit? And are we just gonna have to start making these weird policies?

[Allison Rosen]

I would potentially like to hear from these barefoot animals. What is it about being barefoot in places where you shouldn't be that is so appealing?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it is a deeper psychological issue, which is the following. It is narcissism, which is, we've gone nuts. As I said, I blame the politicians and I blame Madison Avenue. I blame the Nike campaign that said, it's your world. And I blame the Pepsi commercial I saw today that said, live for now. Which means, hey, if you're gonna live for now, then you take your fucking shoes off at the restaurant. Like, that's all. By the way, living for now is not what you want people to do. You want them to save for later. You want them to get educated. You want them to do really. You would like your citizens and the tards that drink the Pepsi to do the opposite of living for now. Living for now means, what the fuck do you need car insurance for? And why floss? Living for now. Fuck now would be my message, yes, focus on later. But I think it's twofold. It's a seeing other animals do it and just going, well, good enough for that douchebag. Good enough for this douchebag. So. So the more it begats itself, the more other people do it, the more you become okay, the more it's sort of what happened with chicks getting tattoos. You know, it was socially unacceptable. Then somebody got one, then someone else got one, now some. Now Pam Anderson has one, and now you need one. So it's that kind of. So it's a social sort of. Other people are doing it. Bigger picture is a sort of, I exist, you don't exist, and this is my world, and this is my area, and I'm either gonna take my shirt off and do the down dog pose at LAX or I'll put my shoe on top of the table. I am claiming this in the name of Spain, and I'm Spain. Thank you. And I'm letting you know. See, it used to be that we would. We had a. We had a policy where you would go, I want to blend in. I don't want to get, you know, the nail, the paint gets the hammer. You know, I want to be. I want to be. I don't want this. I want. I want to be part of the. I don't want anyone tapping me on the shoulder and saying, sir, you can't get into this restaurant without a jacket and tie. I don't want to be that person. Now it's. I shall be that. I'm gonna show you that I'm going to be that person. Here. I will take my shoe. It's not comfortable. It's potentially dangerous, I guess, walking around outdoors or in public or at a restaurant barefoot. There could be broken glass or sharp things on the. On the bottom of the table or whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

It is tetanus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I don't think any sane thinking person. There's certainly no discomfort level in a world where you can wear Crocs wherever you want. There's not a comfort where there's a million different sandals that are ergonomically, whatever this is. You proclaiming this and letting people around, you know, that's the reason the shoe goes on the table.

[Brian Bishop]

The shoe on the table, in case is. Don't sit too close. Don't sit anywhere near me.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually, let me show you all how comfortable I am and how I am the sort of special person in this pride here of restaurant goers. And, you know, we're now back to the sort of animal kingdom of. When I walk Molly, she has to take a piss so she lets a little squirt go here. Then we walk up the hill another hundred yards and she lets a squirt go there. And she lets 15 squirts go along the way. Now, she doesn't know she's a dumb fucking dog and I'm dragging around on a fucking chain, so who gives a shit? Her instinct is, let it be known throughout the neighborhood that I am the alpha bitch here. And I'm going to let my piss. I'm going to spread my piss out all over the place. I'm probably more comfortable now. When Molly takes a piss in the backyard, Molly goes to one spot, evacuates bladder, and then comes back into the house. But when I take her for a walk, it's piss, piss, piss, pissed all over the place. Which is probably uncomfortable for her, but she's sending a message to all the other woodland creatures.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what I've been wondering lately? When you walk your dog, what does the dog think you're doing there? Because I'm sure they don't realize that the purpose of the walk is for them. They must think that you also want to go out.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's us thinking like a dog. I don't think they think anything other than Here we go. But yeah, I do think that now, like the dog, we are sending these messages, like these T shirts that say I'm number one and fuck, fuck off or whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

Fuck humble.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck humble and all that kind of stuff. This is a bunch of stupid, but it's all symbolic. You want to stand out from the pack. Hoist the Stanley cup above your head and earn it. Or win Academy Award or get a Pulitzer or whatever. Whatever. You're all three. They really stand up. That's a very busy weekend. Or maybe just go buy a car that other folks might not be able to afford and drive that around. If you're looking to do something, work hard, earn something, get a degree you can hang on your wall in your office. And then people will see it and have a respect. Like when somebody says it's Dr. So and so, we all automatically. We don't go, oh, that person's better than me. But we have an automatic little respect shift. You know, Dr. So and so has a reservation at the restaurant. Whatever it is, that's how you do it. You don't put your fucking shoe on the table. Fucking prick. Hulu, baby, hulu plus. Oh, man, I love me some hulu plus. Remember the old hulu? Well, now we got hulu plus. All the shows, the SNL's, but there's.

[Brian Bishop]

Nothing wrong with the old Hulu.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

In fact, it was quite good.

[Adam Carolla]

This is better. This is the Hulu. Ooh. Plus Hulu plus Community and Modern Family and South Park Family Guy. They got thousands more just there. Only $7.99 a month. You can catch up on your current shows. You can binge out on your old favorites. You can watch a movie, or you can watch original shows like the Awesomes and Quick Draw. It's all out there. Try it. Try it for a couple of weeks for free. That's right. Go to AdamCroll.com, click on the Hulu+ banner or go to HuluPlus.com Adam. Be sure to use the HuluPlus.com, by the way, HuluPlus.com Adam. You get the extended free trial. Such a deal. Alrighty then. Anything else? Saw John Hyatt on Friday. Took Lynette love the shit out of that guy. God, is he good. There's nothing fucking better than quality. And it's like Lynette doesn't know a lot of John Hyatt songs, but John Hyatt is so fucking good. And he's such a great songwriter and he's such a great performer that she's just like, I love this guy. It's like there's. There's, you know, whether it's a musician or a sub shop, it's just good is good. And you don't have to have an advanced palette to appreciate it. It's just. Just loved every second of it. And then she refers to him as.

[Allison Rosen]

You're Bruce.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Better songwriter than Bruce, which she doesn't like, but come on. I'm dating this chick and Daddy. Daddy doesn't like it. Daddy's not a fan of me. Ooh, that's virgin soil, Bruce. No one's ever gone there before.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he's only done it once in one of the songs.

[Adam Carolla]

I like Bruce, but. But him and Bob Dylan, still a little overrated in the songwriting department. But the good news about Hyde is he didn't, you know, at a certain point she said, what about. Is he playing the songs you want to hear? And I said, I don't think he's played one of my top 10 John Hyde songs, but he has a handful of hits, but they're not. Never were really hits. So if you go to a John Hyatt concert, he has 250 songs. You're not going to hear your songs because there's no Rosalita for him. He'll play a Couple of songs that you know. And then after that, it's complete grab bag. But it's also good that it's academic. All right, Baldiwood. And a really sweet guy went. Went onto his tour bus and said hi to him afterward and just had a great time. Yes, we got some Baldiwood. We have. We got Frank Stallone out there. I'll tell you what, let's do some Bollywood and then we'll bring Frank in. Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue before you spend bucks, Remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit. Transform us to Hooray for Baldy War.

[Brian Bishop]

A listener named Ellie tweeted at me. She's like, hey, I don't get the movies that much as I'd like to. How about adding a must see movie on Netflix or one that we can rent, you know, when it'll be On Demand or the video store or something. I was like, great idea, Ellie. Because of the summer, obviously, big movies come out. We got to talk about those. But big movies are winding down. So here's a really good movie that came out in the summer. It's new on DVD or video a couple weeks ago. It's called mud with Matthew McConaughey. Did you see this or hear about this one? I don't know if you caught it.

[Adam Carolla]

I did. I didn't see it, but I heard about it.

[Brian Bishop]

It is written, directed by Jeff Nichols, who did Take Shelter. I don't know if you guys saw or know about that one with Michael Shannon. Very small movie, came out a couple years ago, but really, really good. This one called Mud also stars Reese Witherspoon and some newcomers, Ty Sheridan and Jacob Laughlin. Yeah, super high in Rotten Tomatoes. We're looking at it right now. 97%. This is a huge hit amongst the critics. They loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

The audience liked it a lot, but they didn't love it as much as the critics loved it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it may be a little slower than most people would like. Maybe a little longer than most people.

[Adam Carolla]

Audiences would like, but 97% on the top critics is pretty insane.

[Brian Bishop]

Nothing to sniff at. This is about two kids. It's a coming of age story about two kids live in the South. They're kind of poor, and they come across a boat that is up in a tree. Like a boat that's recently been up in a tree from a storm. And it turns out it's actually been inhabited by and owned by this drifter named Mud, Matthew Conway's character. And he may have got mixed up in some stuff that, you know, some illegal stuff. He's wanted by the cops, and these kids are kind of enabling him. They're kind of bringing him supplies and bringing him food and stuff, and they kind of get mixed up on what he gets mixed up. And it's a cool story. It's more about the kids than it is about him. Even though he's the main character and he's the title character and all that, it's more about the kids. I would not be surprised if it was up for Best Supporting actor for Matthew McConaughey. He's really, really good. In fact, maybe the best I've ever seen him. I don't know what Your favorite Matthew McConaughey movie or performances I. He said and miss, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I really enjoyed.

[Allison Rosen]

Days and Days.

[Adam Carolla]

And I loved his character in Days. And he was very amazing because he was perfect. He was that guy.

[Brian Bishop]

This is sort of like if that guy grew up and lived in the woods.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm starting to think that he's a little bit of a savant and he's just sort of who he is. I'm putting this theory together with actors that I've expressed before by sort of.

[Allison Rosen]

Does Owen Wilson go in that category?

[Adam Carolla]

No, not for me, but I'm putting together a list and. And it's mostly comedic actors don't fall into this category. But I have this sort of. It's my Robert De Niro, Brad Pitt theory, And it's with McConaughey as well. And I've interviewed McConaughey. He's a little bit of a dullard. Like, I mean, in a way, it's like sports. It's like they're really good at something, but they're not great. They're not great intellects. And that's why I think they're sheltered to some degree. Like, you don't see Brad Pitt pop up on the late night shows that often because he would crush the illusion that we have a Brad Pitt quote, unquote.

[Brian Bishop]

Brad Pitt, Captain America.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All we do is see him from the Chanel commercials and go, man, that dude is so cool. But if that guy started talking and wanted to give you his thoughts on Syria, you'd probably go, oh, this guy's kind of an idiot.

[Allison Rosen]

This is upsetting. Have you interviewed him before?

[Adam Carolla]

I've never spoken to Brad Pitt. McConaughey's kind of that way I can tell you how you can tell.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I think you're totally right.

[Adam Carolla]

When my movie came out, the Hammer, a movie called Surfer dude came out. And that's what happens when McConaughey goes, hey, I'm gonna do the writing, or I'm gonna do the directing, or I'm going to. Then you get. Now you get the actual omelet that's made from what's in his brain. This is good casting, good directing. I mean, I made a fucking movie with a guy who didn't speak English, who's Nicaraguan, who's never acted a day in his life, and everyone liked him in the movie more than me. I was literally feeding him the lines. It's not you. Can you. I mean, in the Hammer, everyone loved Ozzy. I had Pete Berg say to me after a screen, who is that guy? He's amazing. I'm like, he's doing stucco at my house right now.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how amazing he is.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but you can take somebody and you can coach them, you can direct them, you can put them. And I feel like McConaughey when he is. That is great. When you give McConaughey a steno pad and a pencil and you go, hey, what's your idea? And I'd like to see what Brad Pitt. I'd like to see with De Niro. I'd like to see those guys write a screenplay. They've done hundreds of films. Write a screenplay, direct it, act it, and then we'll see what it is. I don't imagine it would be disappointing. And I think if you find surfer dude on Rotten Tomatoes, it is. It's a zero.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it is surfer comma dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. And it's top critics, zero. And I guess all critics, probably. I'm guessing a zero. By the way, getting a zero is as difficult as getting 100% on rotten tomatoes. It's just. It's hard to do. There's always one idiot.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a good point. I'll bet there's more 100% movies than there are 0%. Like a big releases, I'm sure there's straight to video, you know, schlocky. But of ones that come out in.

[Adam Carolla]

Theaters, there's more 100% than there are some of the worst movies you've ever seen in your life. But two out of the 55 people. Just like the fucking Sandler movie where he played him and his obnoxious Brooklyn sister. Like, I don't know why those people aren't stripped of their ranks.

[Brian Bishop]

There's critics that are on the take, and they're just, you know, in the pockets of the students. They only exist to give out, you know, review quotes for posters.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now, I don't know if he directed or he wrote or he produced or I know he, like, starred in, and this was his movie he wanted to do. This was his thing about Surfer. Yes. And that's what you get when he does his thing. So it turns out he's a very good actor who might be not. Not the greatest intellect, I think, of him.

[Brian Bishop]

Not personally, but his career maybe is a little like Mark Wahlberg is. Like. Mark Wahlberg's been in some great movies. Boogie Nights, the Fighter, the Departed. He's been in some very, very good movies. He's also been very bad in some very bad movies. And it's just all about the material for guys like him and McConaughey, if they're good in good movies, then it's gonna be a good performance.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, they look right, and that's number one. And then number two. Although to give Wahlberg a little more love on something like the Fighter, I think he got that story, found that story and nurtured that story and produced and made it. I don't know that he co wrote it, but I do know that he found that material and sort of made it into his vehicle. So I'll put him a notch above. But Mud.

[Brian Bishop]

Mud, very good. 97% amongst the top critics. I don't know if I liked it quite that much, but solid movie, available for rent. Might be up for an Oscar or two, so check it out. Now give it a B. I liked it very much.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll tell you what else I like. I'm gonna go out with Bollywood. Hooray for Bollywood. Stamps dot com. No matter where you run that business, baby, whether it's your home or traditional office, you need your stamps dot com. This is what we use over here, people. Okay, people, I want you to give yourselves a hand, people. Why do I hate the guy who wants everyone to give themselves a hand?

[Allison Rosen]

Because all you did was fill out a form.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually he doesn't care, right?

[Frank Stallone]

Mm. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

He's too lazy to give you a hand. He wants you to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

And my thing is, okay, people, I want you to give the person to your right a hand so it's not like you're clapping for yourself, but you still get clapped for, because then the person who's directly next to you will be clapping for you.

[Allison Rosen]

Ingenuity. It's a clapping Pyramid scheme ingenuity involves and necessitates stamps.com?

[Adam Carolla]

That'S right. Thank you for steering me back. All right, one of my favorite guys, Frank Stallone, he's out there. He's gonna be in here next. And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show. Dateline, Cincinnati, Ohio. A 23 year old man was arrested for breaking and entering and vandalism for breaking windows and spraying fire extinguishers at a high school. When he was arrested, he was wearing.

[Frank Stallone]

Only Spider man underwear.

[Jim Norton]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

The great Frank Stallone in Studio. Wonderful, wonderful singer. And will be performing at Vitello's in Studio City. Vitello's is known for two things.

[Frank Stallone]

Robert Blake shootings and good food.

[Adam Carolla]

One other thing, when I was asked to leave the Groundlings, I started across the street at the Two Road theater from Vitello's. And me and the guy, the director of the show used to stand in front of Vitello's and hand out flyers to try to get people to come across the street to see our crappy improv show. And no one ever did.

[Frank Stallone]

You could have been a witness shooting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I know. Yeah, good. Yeah, good old school Italian food.

[Frank Stallone]

Then we're playing at your good friend Jimmy Kimmel's San Gennaro feast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this must be mine too.

[Frank Stallone]

You know, you gotta ask yourself now, I've done his feast like five times and now it's the 30th anniversary of staying alive. You should get him. I should go on the show and sing. What do you think of that?

[Brian Bishop]

Talk to Jimmy, the guy who does the feast.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, yeah, that was me.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Jimmy does all the work, but I have to go to the. I have to do the fucking auction on the Prima Nota. I know, yeah, that was the. It's so. It's such a good example, by the way, of just like being nothing and being something. Like, Jimmy and I went to New York. Whenever we go to New York, we go to Little Italy, of course, because LA has little Ethiopia.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. Little Vietnam, Little Saigon.

[Adam Carolla]

But no Little Italy, which is not a good sign.

[Frank Stallone]

And little Persia.

[Adam Carolla]

Now as little everywhere. Well, it's called Glendale. But the point is we don't have. So we always go to Little Italy. And he would go, we need a Little Italy. And then he said, we should have a feast of San Gennaro. And this is 11 years ago. And he just went, went, let's start a feast of San Gennaro. I was like, how do you Start the feast.

[Frank Stallone]

I did the second one when it was Capitol Records.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was in the parking lot over there.

[Frank Stallone]

No, he's done a great job, and it's really great.

[Adam Carolla]

Me and him. You and me and him.

[Frank Stallone]

And so I'm gonna have to put the heat on now. Say, listen, Jimmy, you gotta put me on the show. I'm like a veteran of this. I was there when there was like four people. Yeah, four Italians in la.

[Adam Carolla]

It was Tommy lashorda and just Frank and Tony Danza. Tony Danza. And me and Jimmy. In the first one, she's eating a meatball sub.

[Brian Bishop]

LA sorta counts for two and a half years.

[Frank Stallone]

Two and a half. Hey, I gotta ask you something. I was looking at your new book out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Frank Stallone]

Now you and I have the same hair. We got this. We got wire hair, fox terrier hair. And the funny thing is, but my hair was just like yours. When I was that age, I had, like, kind of straight hair. And I was into Elvis. I said, this is gonna be good. My hair. And all of a sudden, at one age, it turned into like.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, it turned into pubes on your head. Yeah. You turned into Marty Allen.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. When you were 13, it was really Art Garfunkel. I mean, it was really weird because, you know, I came up during the Beatles, so straight hair and silky hair was cool. And all of a sudden, one night, I turned into Larry. Fine.

[Adam Carolla]

For those who want to. For those who want to know, all you have to do is watch the progression of the Brady Bunch kids.

[Frank Stallone]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Season one, they all had straight hair. Season two, they had straight hair. Then it started to get kinky. But they didn't know what to do.

[Frank Stallone]

With it because finger waves.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They formerly had straight hair. So they comb it down the same.

[Frank Stallone]

Way when it comes out.

[Adam Carolla]

I got my perm by some hero whose name I don't know, who worked at a Super Cuts in North Hollywood. I had straight hair my whole life. And then all of a sudden, my hair started going wiry and weird, but I didn't know it. So I would go to the barber and I'd go cut the curls off and get it to sit down. That's sitting down flat. So they're showing a picture of the new Brady Bunch boy. Come on, Gary.

[Frank Stallone]

No one knew the father was. I mean, God, can you imagine having five kids around him? He was a flamer. I mean, this guy was a notorious. And they put him in a family show with like.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Frank Stallone]

You mean.

[Adam Carolla]

You think he was gonna molest the kids.

[Frank Stallone]

Could have had.

[Allison Rosen]

He was gay, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but listen, I'm straight. That doesn't mean.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, not you. No, no, no. You're talking about the hair.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not. The hair. No. I'm saying, just because you're gay doesn't mean you're going after nine year olds.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, well, it's true. Maybe. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

You better take that back.

[Frank Stallone]

I will. I do, too.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna get into trouble. All right, so back to hair. Yes, the hair. I went to the Supercuts. She gave me a haircut, and then she sprayed it with a spray bottle, and she did that thing where she went. She mussed my hair up, and then she said, don't touch it and walk home. And I walked home. And when I got home, I had a Jufro. And all of a sudden, a Jufro. Now, this is the Middle Brady's, but we haven't got to the Jew fro. We haven't got to the Jew fro Brady. So I did Jufro. And then I show up to school next day, and everyone went, oh, you got a permit? And I went, no, were.

[Allison Rosen]

They handed you a yamaka?

[Adam Carolla]

Anything was better than what I had. Yeah. So I got a perm, but it was just God's perm. And I didn't know.

[Frank Stallone]

I know, but look at you.

[Adam Carolla]

How old are you?

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, God, older than dirt.

[Adam Carolla]

You got all your fucking hair. I mean, it's the jeans.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, well, everyone. I mean, that's why I have to make money, because I have a really. Everyone's old. Everyone's like 90s in my face, family. So I wasn't prepared for that. I would have saved my money more.

[Adam Carolla]

When I was younger, Frank was telling us off the air that he, you know, we're talking about guys who wrote and direct and all that kind of stuff. His brother wrote and direct, directed, and all the stuff that he wrote and directed and starred in was box office gold. And what are we talking about now? I mean, obviously, McCann McConaughey. Yeah, we got the Rockies, we got the Cliffhangers, which I don't know. He didn't direct it. He really. He wrote it.

[Frank Stallone]

His story. He really did. Let me tell you something with him. When he goes on set, if the director starts showing signs of ineptness, he takes over. He doesn't get the credit, but he just goes, okay, you moved your camera over here. Like with Menachem Golan when they did, you know, the arm wrestling movie over the top. There's a scene right at the top of a building at night in Vegas. And it's a million dollar scene with the lights. Menockham shooting it like on a burlap wallpaper. Sly goes, menachem, you know, you could turn the camera around. Fucking million dollar shot. That's why you don't direct.

[Adam Carolla]

I like when he says, menachem Menockham. Do you feel. I never really thought about this, but your brother has written and directed a lot of movies, and I don't feel like he gets credit as a writer and. Or director.

[Frank Stallone]

He does it because the writers union, in other words, he. He basically rewrites everything. I mean, I don't care if he wrote the script, he rewrites it by longhand. But because of, you know, of the unions and stuff that you have to, you know, you can't get the credit. And so I think he's at the point now, you know, we all get to that point. You know, we're getting up there where it's like, let someone else do all the work. Why be first guy on the set and last guy to leave? You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

What's he got coming up?

[Frank Stallone]

Does he have Expendables?

[Adam Carolla]

Three Expendable stories, The next one.

[Frank Stallone]

He's working on it now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that. Is there somebody in that that's gonna surprise us? You know, like, they'll do a little stunt casting, you know, like Godfrey.

[Frank Stallone]

No, I think they probably haven't cast it yet. No, it's halfway through.

[Brian Bishop]

No shit. Well, they cranked him out pretty quick.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, no, it cranks him up pretty good. I call him, I said, listen, put me in the scene. I want to do one of those great, like, remember, it's a mad, mad, mad World, like, cameo shot. Like, all of a sudden he's pinned down by a bunch of Russians. And all of a sudden, and the guy's ready to shoot him, all of a sudden he falls over. I just come around the corner, I go, hey. From the country of brotherly love. And I thought it would have been funny. He didn't think it was funny, but I thought it was funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Mad, Mad, Mad World. Great movie. And it was. It's one of those, maybe one of the first movies that just said, we're gonna put everybody, every famous human being on the planet, old or young, will be every comedian, every absolute Spencer Tracy.

[Frank Stallone]

Like, everybody, William Demaris, Uncle Charlie, everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Every human being who's famous.

[Frank Stallone]

Ernie Kovacs, Milton. Jonathan Winters, Ethel Merman. Ethel Merman.

[Adam Carolla]

It just kept going. And going.

[Frank Stallone]

One of the great movies.

[Allison Rosen]

Wasn't there a long debate with you and August and Fondelier about how many Mads are in that title?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't figure out if there's three or four.

[Frank Stallone]

No, no, it's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Four?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's four. Okay. It's pretty good and pretty funny.

[Frank Stallone]

It's unbelievable. I'm gonna kick the bucket. Yeah, just like, went off, but. Do you like the doll I gave you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, sorry. I got an action figure. I got a. I got a Stallone action figure. It's a Frank Stallone.

[Frank Stallone]

No, what the action is. I was standing on the corner singing in Rocky. That's what.

[Brian Bishop]

Around the burning.

[Frank Stallone]

And they forgot to put genitalia on the. It's just like the Oscar. Yeah. Take you back. I mean, that's my take you back thing there.

[Adam Carolla]

When did this come out?

[Frank Stallone]

These dolls?

[Adam Carolla]

Action figures?

[Frank Stallone]

Well, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't call them dolls. Call them action figures. Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

By the time I think Rocky Balboa came out, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. The last. The last.

[Frank Stallone]

The last one. Hey, you know, I was looking. I saw you at a Rotten Tomatoes award, which is nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I did. I got Certified Fresh. They give you an award?

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, I have also a raspberry award. The Golden Raspberry.

[Adam Carolla]

This shouldn't be lumped in or confused.

[Frank Stallone]

No, it shouldn't be confused. And I got it actually, for.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd you get the raspberry?

[Frank Stallone]

Well, I wrote the theme to or the Razzie Rambo First Blood Part Two. I think it's one of the best songs I wrote. And for some reason, maybe they had a wild hair up their ass in those days, but they gave me. And I haven't accepted it yet. But, you know, I came up with an idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Remember? What movie did we dissect of my brothers last time? What was it Tango and Cash? Or.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, what did we. Was it Tang? I think Tango. I. I think we did a. This is the basic. We did. We did the special.

[Frank Stallone]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

We got to do another one.

[Adam Carolla]

Far from over. By the Way is on my greatest jump roping.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, this is the one that won the Razzie.

[Frank Stallone]

This has got the Razzie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Truth Race by his blinding wrapped around our.

[Jim Norton]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

Peace in My Life. Remember the call. This is by the Way starts and finishes the set at vitellos. Coming up September 21st with Peace in Our Life. Ah, they're shittier songs in this.

[Frank Stallone]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

How about. I know it just seems like I'm Blowing a lot of hot air up your ass, but I've heard shittier.

[Frank Stallone]

Come on. Tender Mercies. What's the song in that? The Omen. Yeah, you know, I mean, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, this is for. Your brother has started three franchises now.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's crazy, right?

[Frank Stallone]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. And I don't even know where that. Well, most people obviously don't do one.

[Brian Bishop]

But he's gonna be the answer to a very interesting trivia question. I was just having this conversation with Fondelier, which is there's been a few actors, handful actors who have played the same role in franchises three or four movies twice. You know, Harrison Ford, Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Right. Now, I think only Hugo Weaving has been in the same franchise three times, and that's the same character.

[Frank Stallone]

Who's Hugo Weaving?

[Brian Bishop]

He was Agent Smith in the Matrix. He was the elf guy in Lord of the Rings. He was the voice of Megatron and Transformers. But soon, there it Is Alone is.

[Frank Stallone]

Gonna be another one I never saw. Well, I was trying to franchise. I had a radio show on Playboy, Radio called the Frank Effect. And Jesus Christ. And it was. I was really up for it because I'm, you know, I'm Italian, like to talk, and I had all these great guests coming on. And then all of a sudden, they started censoring me. But before, on Playboy, on Playboy, Sensory man, me. So they censored my whole monologue for.

[Allison Rosen]

No reason about Brady Bunch casting.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, but wait a second. I said, this is Playboy. I said, you wanted the Frank effect. You know, blah, blah, blah, blah. We want you to be you, babe. And I mean that. You know what I mean? You got a lot to talk about. You have a lot of history. We want you to be fucking you.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, okay.

[Frank Stallone]

So I was being me, had great monologues. All of a sudden, you know, things were not going like I hoped we could have used a little more advertising and stuff. And we were being like, you know, hey, you can't mention girls and stuff. I go, excuse me, me, It's Playboy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, okay.

[Frank Stallone]

Anyway, so we found that they censored me. And so my manager goes back, she goes, frank, they took your whole monologue. It was like one of the best shows. It was. I think it was Gary U.S. bonds or someone like that. And they censored the whole show.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, they cut out parts.

[Frank Stallone]

They cut out the whole monologue.

[Adam Carolla]

I am.

[Frank Stallone]

And I went like this. And they said. And I said, well, hey, love you, babe. I'm done, babe. Because I really like doing radio. I think it's really fun. And I've always loved radio, and I was really having a good time with it. And I'm starting to build up a following. I had a Chicago hitman on. Really? I'd pop people. I had Gary US Bonds on. I was gonna have Shirley Jones on. That's kind of weird. What a dichotomy. A hitman to Shirley Jones. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. Gary U.S. bonds. Wait, did he sing Palisades Park? Who sing Palisades Park?

[Frank Stallone]

You're thinking of Freddy Boom Boom Cannon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. Gary U.S. bonds.

[Frank Stallone]

No, Gary U.S. bonds. So I went like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, what was his hit Hits?

[Frank Stallone]

I said, hey, yeah, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Something in New Orleans. I dance to the code of the three.

[Frank Stallone]

He was a cool guy, man. We talked about a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

How old is Gary US box? 90.

[Frank Stallone]

No, he's about 73. So let me ask you.

[Adam Carolla]

Older than the guy? 74. Older than the guys you were eating lunch with when they showed up to meet Seth MacFarlane for lunch. And they were sitting there with.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, they've all passed away since.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's how old.

[Frank Stallone]

They were actually passing away as I was having lunch. So I started with four, I left with one.

[Adam Carolla]

This is how old the group that he runs with is. I met Seth MacFarlane for lunch just to have lunch. And I sat at this place and I saw I was sitting next to Frank Stallone, and I said, hey, Frank. And he's sitting there with three guys that were so old that all three guys at the table are dead now. And that was only a year and a half ago.

[Frank Stallone]

No, they were dead at the table, like Weekend at Bernie's. They were like kind of stuffed puppeteers.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I would have taken their minestrone if I knew.

[Frank Stallone]

I know you should have, but what do you think of censorship? What do you think? How would you like it if you were starting a show and I was three months into it? I was really pouring a lot into it, putting a lot of time into it. And then all of a sudden you're being censored by Playboy.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I understand. And I've always said this about ratings. I've always said the thing I loved about or always wanted. The only reason I ever wanted to get good ratings is so people would shut the fuck up and leave me alone, right? And there's a part. I did Loveline for 10 years, and I never knew what the ratings were because they were always great and everyone always left me alone. And then I got into morning radio and There's a ratings discussion every 15 minutes. Well, yes, because you're taking suggestions from dumb people. And unfortunately, you have to listen because you are the guy with the low ratings. And when you're the guy at the low ratings, the guy who's fucking watering the potted plants in the lobby of the place has an opinion. And you have to listen. That's the problem. So I always just wanted high ratings so people leave me the fuck alone. What I figured out with everything is you have to shut up. You have to take it, and you have to. Whatever bad ideas, censorship, whatever it is. And then at a certain point, you weather that storm, you get the ratings, you get the following, you get the community. And then you tell that person, shut the fuck up. And that person, by the way, leaves you alone because you become that. And you get that. You should. And people. People should know, by the way, Frank's own, not only at Vitello's, but also again on the 28th. Is that. Is that going to be the priminote? Are you singing at the San Gennaro? No, it's Saturday.

[Frank Stallone]

This is Saturday, but it's the prime. It's the big spot. Last time we did the last time.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's nice about the San Gennaro feast?

[Frank Stallone]

It's actually nice. The stage is really well managed. The sound is great. They got a really tough crew there. Big difference.

[Allison Rosen]

Jimmy does a great job with it.

[Frank Stallone]

Me and Jimmy.

[Adam Carolla]

Me and Jimmy. You and Jimmy. But I will tell you this. There's two things I've noticed, and I've noticed this. Well, Speaking of Seth MacFarlane, when I used to do the Family Guy, I do the voice of Death, said this many times. He used to sit in the booth and we'd have to wait for him.

[Frank Stallone]

Wait for who?

[Adam Carolla]

Seth. Wait for Seth. He's got to be in the engineering booth. And I'd say, oh, come on, it's a pickup line. I'll give you five versions of me going, who cares? And no, no, no, wait for Seth. Wait for Seth. Wait for Seth. That's all it was. And I keep going. I gotta get going. It's late. I used to work across the street, and we always had to wait for Seth. Now when you go the Family Guy and do a voice, no Seth. And the reason there's no Seth is because he's working on Ted 2, a thousand other things. And he's figured out, I can't be here. I'm farm this shit out. When Jimmy and I used to do the Prima note, we'd do an auction. And the auction would be 135 gifts. It would be a guitar signed by everyone who was ever in REO Speedwagon. It'd be Shaq's shoe. It'd be a thousand vacation trips that were supposed to be worth 18 grand that were really worth $400. And we'd get a pile and Jimmy would be standing there and be going. Be prepared to be swept away as you feel the trade winds blowing through your hair as you relax and the sun splashed beaches of Cancun, Mexico. Yes. You and a friend. And we be on stage for two and a half hours. Well, that was Jimmy 10 years ago. Now, new Jimmy, number one Jimmy.

[Frank Stallone]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Not standing on stage for two and.

[Frank Stallone]

A half hours, reading like two and a half minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Literally. Now we go up there and we do the thing. And Jimmy goes, all right, give me the five. Pare it down to this. Let's knock this shit off. Off. And we're on stage for 20 minutes. But it used to be a two hour. I used to know because I used to do morning radio. And we do the auction and it start at nine at night. And I'd be like, I gotta fucking get up at 4:45. And it would be like hour 35 minutes into.

[Frank Stallone]

You think you guys have created a monster now.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy created a monster and that he's gotta be, you know, he's gotta be. We gotta be up on stage doing the thing. But he, as all successful people do, figure out a way at a certain point, I don't have two hours to dedicate to auctioning off Shaq shoe. Just like Seth MacFarlane doesn't have to come in to hear Adam Carolla pick up a stupid line. He'll farm that out and figure it out.

[Frank Stallone]

It's like John Houston directed my brother in Victory. He was so old.

[Adam Carolla]

He was soccer movie.

[Frank Stallone]

He was sitting in a car. Like the soccer field was there. He was sitting in a car.

[Adam Carolla]

A damn good shot.

[Frank Stallone]

Slide.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn, damn good. Two honks means that's a take. One honk means, let's get a second take.

[Frank Stallone]

And he had like. He had like a poor guy had emphysema. He had those air hoses up his nose.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

And I went to see the Ollie Holmes fight with him. So I was sitting next to him and I'm gonna go, wow, this is John Houston, one of the great directors all.

[Adam Carolla]

He's damn good. And Sylvester did a damn good job. And he was just a wonderful man.

[Frank Stallone]

And that's what they. They enter if you see Let There Be Blood or whatever it was called. Was it. Oh, he was imitating his voice. He's doing John Houston. Remember, like in chinatown.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, Mr. Gitts.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, well, name is Giddies.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like. Okay, Mr. Giddy. Just.

[Frank Stallone]

Just bring me the girl, okay? Okay, Mrs. Molrane.

[Adam Carolla]

E voice, baby. Hey, hey. E voice. You need E voice?

[Frank Stallone]

Well, you know what I hear. You know, I have a huge boxing collection, one of the biggest in the world. And I heard from the grapevine that HBO is doing a documentary, I think it's Ken Burns or something, on Jack Johnson, which I know, I know a lot about.

[Adam Carolla]

Jackson, first great African American heavyweight champion. Yeah, I don't know what that has to do with E voice, but hold. Cool your jets for a second there, Frank.

[Frank Stallone]

I don't know if I can imitate him.

[Adam Carolla]

I never heard his voice.

[Frank Stallone]

It was 1910.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure it's going to be insulting.

[Brian Bishop]

What if you got a voice message?

[Adam Carolla]

Message. Forward business calls to your home, your mobile device, or any number you don't have time to take. The call can be routed to voicemail, and then you can just read it later in the form of a convenient text. That's right. The great Jack Johnson would have had Evoice. If they had had this technology in the day. You can create the effect of having an entire department and office building just be flying solo. Free. 30 days. Try it for 30 days. Free. Go to evoice.com, enter the promo code Adam or click on the evoice [e-mail] yeah, Jack Johnson's one of these guys. He was just bigger than everybody. The rounds would be, you know, be 125 rounds. But he was the first guy who liked the white chicken, and he liked to transport them from state to state and all the other crazy things.

[Frank Stallone]

He raced cars. I have a film of him racing Barney Oldfield. No, I'm. Seriously. In 1910, he was into racing cars, banging white chicks and having a gold grill. But, you know, I thought they always. When I used to read the things on him, they always had him talking like Foghorn Leghorn. Well, I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Dad, you know who they are.

[Frank Stallone]

But he didn't. I have a film of him talking. He sounded like James Earl Jones.

[Adam Carolla]

I think James Earl Jones played him.

[Frank Stallone]

He did.

[Adam Carolla]

In A Great White Hope.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, he did.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, was it the great One?

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, it was the Great White Hope.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Frank Stallone]

Jane Alexander. But they always had him. You know, in those days, they'd have black people talking like, well, isn't there, boss? I was like Amos and Andy. But he didn't talk like that. Oh, he talked like.

[Adam Carolla]

Ladies and gentlemen, I think back in the day, not only was there a black person way of talking, that was in movies, there was just a movie version of. Of people talking. There's no way. Back in the 30s and 40s, everyone went, yeah. See, here's the deal. Okay, you fellas, now listen to me and you listen good. You understand? There was a movie version of acting, which is. It was called acting. Like, you would act. You were supposed to be. You weren't supposed to be doing the long drawn.

[Frank Stallone]

And everything ended with Organic Joe's. No cream puff, see?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Frank Stallone]

I'm packing heat, baby. I'm on the lamb. How about this one? Why are you a little cheap? Clip, coin clip, Joint canary. All right, Joe, I'm on the lamb. I'm packing heat. Right, so take it on the arches, toots. Yeah, that's how. But no one. But it was really like Pat o'.

[Adam Carolla]

Brien.

[Frank Stallone]

No one talked faster than Pat o'. Brien. If you look at the front page.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, whoa. Who that? Not that Pat o'. Brien.

[Frank Stallone]

No, no, he's sober now. Now I'm talking about the real Pat o' Brien that played the priest.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I was loaded out of my mind. You should talk to Pat o'. Brien. I was say, the real Pat o'. Brien.

[Frank Stallone]

I was with him last night at a.

[Allison Rosen]

Which one?

[Adam Carolla]

The real Pat o' Brien or the not real one?

[Frank Stallone]

Well, the real Pat o' Brien's dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Just answer the question.

[Frank Stallone]

No, Pat o', Brien, the one that's sober now. He was doing a thing on stage and just saying that he has found religion and he's been sober for five years and stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Say we don't respect him. But you didn't say. You didn't call. You didn't refer to the other Pat o' Brien as the real Pat o'.

[Frank Stallone]

Brien.

[Adam Carolla]

In front of Pat o', Brien, I.

[Frank Stallone]

Said, listen, Pat, you're looking pretty jake. See? Sure, Joe's no heel. Yeah, find me a brass rail any day. It's like Clark Gable used to talk like that. Yeah, you've been taking for a buggy ride with all the trimmings. Sure, I'm nuts, but don't hold that against me.

[Adam Carolla]

I think if I ever built the time machine and, like, went back to the 40s, I'd be super disappointed by the way the cadence that people spoke at.

[Brian Bishop]

Come on, talk like.

[Adam Carolla]

Talk like you talk what are you.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking about, Mr. Carrell? Talk like you talk.

[Frank Stallone]

Say a lot of. Yeah, see, But Italians talk like this, yo. Huh? You talking to me? Excuse me.

[Adam Carolla]

You talking to me? Just your brother.

[Frank Stallone]

No, no, De Niro. Got you talking to me. Excuse me, My excuse, my French. My moping is hole like this. But guys didn't talk like that then. They all were kind of coming from the theater, you know, they talk like George.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a movie version.

[Frank Stallone]

A movie version of Damon Runyev.

[Adam Carolla]

Of almost everything. All right, Allison, you got some new. You got some news? See?

[Frank Stallone]

Give it to me straight. See?

[Adam Carolla]

Give us a scoop, all right?

[Frank Stallone]

If I punch you in the slats.

[Allison Rosen]

I just have one slot. Maybe I misunderstand. So schools in San Fernando Valley area are sending letters to parents which are being referred to casually as fat letters. That is not actually the technical name of them.

[Adam Carolla]

The San Fernando Valley is where I grew up.

[Frank Stallone]

Did you really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

So registered dietitians are weighing the kids, and then if they are, you know, if they're overweight or obese, they're sending letters to the parents. And some parents, not a huge amount, but it sounds like what the quote says is a small amount of parents are calling in and they are upset about this. But then other districts in Southern California, like in Riverside county, what they're doing is instead of sending a letter saying your kid is at risk for being obese later on, they're just sending the results of the test. The schools claim that this is to empower and educate parents.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me say a couple of things. What percentage of these people you think are getting a free lunch? Lunch and a free breakfast? I'll bet you at least half the fat kids that are getting a letter are also getting the freebie meals, as I've always said. Which the fuck is it?

[Frank Stallone]

Number one. I had lousy food growing up in school, and everyone was skinny. There was, like, four fat guys in high school, and they were called, guess what, Allison. Fatso.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, Addison. Tubby.

[Frank Stallone]

Get on it. See, but the thing is, now you can't find a thin person. And the food is supposed to be, like, better. Everything is like, this food was terrible. It was like shepherd's pie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I try to explain. I try to explain to everyone all the time. Food at schools always sucked. It always did. You can. It helps with the caloric count and all that stuff. But if you're studying something and you're looking for a variable. We ate the shitty fish sticks and the coffee cakes and all the chicken pot pie, square pizza filled with grease and just nothing but empty calories and carbs.

[Frank Stallone]

Chocolate milk.

[Adam Carolla]

Chocolate milk. And the vegetables were always just canned beans from the Korean War conflict era that just sat soggy vegetables.

[Frank Stallone]

They were K rations from World War II.

[Adam Carolla]

If you want to focus on the. If you're doing this from a scientific standpoint, you go, well, the food sucks now. It's better now. Kids are fatter now. So it's, it's probably not the food. I would say it's the activity level and the fact that there's an oral fixation and hydration, which is. I noticed it in my own life. I was with my kids and my wife a couple days ago. It was hot, they were like playing around. And then it was time to pack it up and get in the car. And they did the. We need water. And I was like, you just drink a bottle of water, like 20 minutes. Yeah, well, we need more. And I said, you're sitting in an air conditioned car, we'll be home in 12 minutes. No. And then my wife said, pull into the gas station. And I was like, you remember drinking.

[Frank Stallone]

Water as a kid out of a.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking warm hose once a month. And I remember thinking, all right, all right. I just learned from therapy. Like, let's not pick your battles. Like, so we had to pull into a gas.

[Brian Bishop]

That was lesson one.

[Frank Stallone]

Now it's bottled water.

[Adam Carolla]

Saying, it's like, we're in a well, we're in an air conditioned car, will be home in 11 minutes. But it's just, the kids are like, I need to hide. I think I'm hydrated. And I said, we had a station.

[Frank Stallone]

Wagon with no air conditioning, driving down the seashore with no water. There was no water. The water came out of a sink.

[Adam Carolla]

You would go to the fucking beach all fucking day, no water. We would do is we would take the bus and go to the beach. We'd leave our house, take the bus, no bottle, anything. We'd go to the beach. I didn't have any money with me. We'd go lay out on the sand and then we'd go out in the ocean. We'd just swim around, body surf, boogie, board wherever for like seven hours. And then we'd come back out of the water and we'd lay back down in the sun again on the sand.

[Frank Stallone]

There wasn't no water, nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you ever have the miserable experience of finding a small fish in your bathing suit?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

It actually happened to my sister.

[Frank Stallone]

Not being fucking cartoon seashell, massive, very small.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an oral thing that's going on and the oral thing that's going on. And I've noticed it with me and with my family as well. So you'd go the whole day without so much as putting something in your mouth. Now it's always chewing gum, reaching for water, people having meetings. You want water? Does everyone need water? Like, you're walking to an air conditioner building on the 33rd floor. You're gonna sit on a leather sofa. You don't need a water for that. But it's like chapsticks. Like, the more you use it, the more you need it. And there's a billion products now that all go in your grill. So you find yourself climbing in your car and reaching for something, sitting down at home, reaching for it and going, I find myself. I used to just go six hours at a time without so much, putting anything in my mouth. Now it's like, oh, I need to hit off my coffee. Where's my mug? Where's my travel thing? Where's my. My squeeze?

[Frank Stallone]

Where's my trail mix?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? My kids, before they leave the house, it's like, where is your boda bag filled with your filtered whatever, Campbellback pack? And it's like, you're. You're seven, you're fine. You can go all day.

[Frank Stallone]

How about going for a date? And you're waiting for your date. She shows up, like, with her water. I say, you kidding me? Seriously, are you a deal breaker? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like you want to suck off the hose.

[Frank Stallone]

What was this, fucking Woodstock? All of a sudden, you come in with, like, arrowhead water to a restaurant.

[Adam Carolla]

That is weird.

[Frank Stallone]

But water at a restaurant?

[Adam Carolla]

You're dating 23 year olds, Frank. And that's kind of the problem. It's a different generation.

[Frank Stallone]

And this is what happens age appropriate.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't get that.

[Frank Stallone]

The water and the cell phone on the table, right? And I just felt like, do you remember, like a raging bull, when Joey Pesci told his kids, you put your hands on that plate, I'm gonna stab you with this fork? Yeah. I feel like saying that if you touch the cell phone, we'll stab you with the fork right through your fucking head again.

[Adam Carolla]

Another reason not to be blown.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, it's true. But the thing is, I mean, don't you find that really a little disingenuous? Someone invited me to a club and I went there and I swear to. And listen, I've been a rock musician my whole life. So music, drugs, nothing bothers me, fazes me. I'VE seen it all. And I walked in this place and all it was the noise, the decibels. I hate DJs. I don't like this shit. And all it is is girls sitting there texting. But they're texting to their girlfriend right here, right? So the guy walks up, he goes, do you know you walk the dance? You know? And they're like. And they're texting.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, what the fuck is wrong?

[Frank Stallone]

So I told the guy, I walked out. I said. I said, dude, I am. I don't like getting old, but I'm happy. I'm older. Where I could experience having a bottle of dollar Boone's Farm and lifting up a peasant dress and having a great evening.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, even if you were wearing it.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, even if I was wearing it. That even made it a better evening. I mean that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but girls, it was a cheap date.

[Frank Stallone]

It was a joint. A bottle of Strawberry Hill fucking Boone's Farm. And like, a joint, like, hey, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at the stars popping in a van. It's all in the van.

[Frank Stallone]

No bras, no nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The. See, Frank either goes out to eat with super old people or super young chicks.

[Frank Stallone]

That's right. They either die or they leave me at the fucking building. It's one of the other things, the girl.

[Adam Carolla]

So this thing where, again, ironically, these are all the kids who you assholes accuse me of hating when I say, let mama make them breakfast. So they're fat, but they can't afford breakfast or lunch. And then whenever the state slops you, by the way, whether you're in school or in prison or whatever, they're not going to do a fine job because it's hard to cook for 5,000 people. It's not going to be the highest quality. You should do it yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

The irony is that the cheapest food is sometimes the worst. In your McDonald's, obviously.

[Frank Stallone]

But you cannot get fat unless you eat. It is impossible. People go, where are all my metabolism? You can't put on 40 fucking pounds. It's impossible. You cannot if you don't eat. Look at Andersonville. Did you ever see any fat people?

[Adam Carolla]

Where's Anderson?

[Frank Stallone]

Andersonville was the place like the concentration camp in Civil war.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Did you see people, like, in Auschwitz? I didn't like beer belly. I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say no. Hypothetically.

[Frank Stallone]

No. I'd say in Auschwitz, you can see a guy walking around with a gut.

[Adam Carolla]

It's true.

[Frank Stallone]

They were all very svelte.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

So I'm just saying. So when you see like Civil War photos of Anderson.

[Allison Rosen]

But I mean those stripes are flattering the stripe.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, the stripes made you look heavier. Yes, but, but the thing is, and so when people go like that and what happens, you are punished. Now if you take care of yourself, to go, oh, he's so vain, he's so, oh, you're so like.

[Adam Carolla]

Well hold on, here's what I want to say. The deal is this, should you be able to point this out? Of course you should be able to point it out. It's a major health issue, total health. And as I said, if it had anything to do with cigarettes or second or third hand smoke, it would be pointed out if you are obese or close to it at a very young.

[Allison Rosen]

Age, maybe it's a two to five.

[Adam Carolla]

Year old, you are going to have a very difficult life and you're going to have an unhealthy life, but emotionally you're going to have a fucking horrible life. And yes, somebody should intervene life like any condition, any medical condition and go, here's the consequences of this. If you continue with this, if you simply did the math, as I always say for smoking that you do with everything else, then there'd be no reason why you wouldn't give these people these warnings and so on and so forth.

[Frank Stallone]

If you end up fat, you're not going to get any girls. You'll end up having lunch with hundred year olds like I do. Yes, those are the only people that'll talk to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Not to mention we always talk about the part like, well you don't want to shame the kid. Believe me. The, the ultimate shaming comes later with the no prom date and the ostracized and made fun of. And also statistically not as gainfully employed many things.

[Frank Stallone]

The thing I hate more is in these shows like when people go, well.

[Adam Carolla]

I tried to lose the weight, I.

[Frank Stallone]

Could do it and they start fucking crying. No one likes to see a fat.

[Adam Carolla]

Person cry, but technically you could lose weight doing that.

[Frank Stallone]

But it's like a Disney thing, like a hippopotamus with the big eyelashes that cries. That's what they remind me of, of a Disney character. Like a fucking pelican with his mouth filled with water going, crying. No one has sympathy. A hot looking chick crying, fucking on man. Handsome guy like Clark Gable, Rhett Butler crying good. A guy that looks like Jabba the fucking Hut crying, you ate the fucking food. I didn't make you weigh 500 fucking pounds. You're like a walking stretch mark now.

[Adam Carolla]

This is why you were censored over. Yeah, that's actually the program during.

[Allison Rosen]

You say this before, after you tell them on the day that you're going to stab them with a fork if.

[Frank Stallone]

They look at their phone. Well, I said if you're fat and you have your cell phone, you're getting a double whammy on that one. Then you get. Then I bring in the hitman I had on my radio show and he corks you gold.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second there, Frank. You're getting better with age. Go to meeting, baby. You got to get the team together. But you can't. They're all over hydrating themselves somewhere. It's just somewhere hydrated too far away.

[Brian Bishop]

From a water source.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, right, right. Go to meeting. With HD faces, it can get everyone together. Share the same screen. Put, put, put your documents on there. Do it in real time. Use the webcam. See everyone in hd. You can launch or join a meeting from any computer or your phone, your tablet, you can use. Use your iPad and you can try it for free. 30 days. Free. Free. Don't wait 30 days free. Go to meeting.com. click on the try it free button. Use the promo code Adam. Let's go to meeting. Promo code Adam. Meeting is believing. Yeah, here's all I'm saying. As a parent, I know about everything, that we've just not physically changed that much in the last 30 years or 15 years. As a species, it takes millions of years to change. So when I go, how is it we spent our entire youth in that San Fernando Valley at football practice where they thought water was bad for you, running laps in the hot sun and all that kind of stuff and everyone was fine. How do we get from there, 7 year olds needing to tote their own water source when they're getting an air conditioned Audi? I don't.

[Frank Stallone]

Adam. I had to make weight when I was fighting no water. I'm dying. It's like the gyms in Those days were 90 degrees. They would sweat and you'd sweat. You'd go, can I have some water? No, no, you got to spit it out. So why even put it in my mouth?

[Adam Carolla]

You'll cramp up.

[Frank Stallone]

You'll cramp up. How about dying of dehydration? That's another question.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so if you're fat, you should get a note and the parents should know. And the parents are probably fat too. And it is. And I'll go ahead and turn it on. All the folks who are up there who want to do the whole smoking thing and everything else, they do the thing all the time where, well, if you smoke, you know you're being unhealthy, but you're being unhealthy to the people around you and blah, blah, blah. Well, if you. If you're fat, you are taking society and we are footing the bill for your lack of discipline, meaning, especially under whatever care is enacted, Meaning these fat kids are gonna grow up to have diabetes and lots of other things that are gonna put them in the hospital. We used to do it with smokers all the time.

[Allison Rosen]

Aren't more in favor of a fat tax on junk food?

[Frank Stallone]

Or how about getting on an airplane and a guy £400 sitting next to you?

[Adam Carolla]

I want that guy to pay more because I'm subsidizing his fat ass and.

[Frank Stallone]

Suff at the same time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I'm substitating. I think as Americans, we don't like the idea of the government going, here's what you can do and here's what you can't do. Even though that's all they do. But we hate the idea of it. And we do understand it with booze and cigarettes and sort of sin tax stuff. But the stuff. Stuff that has to do with, like, what we put in our mouth, we get really weird about that. Like, if you think about something like what Kevorkian was doing, you know, the assisted suicide stuff, who gives a shit? Does it make a difference to any of us?

[Frank Stallone]

They wanted to die.

[Adam Carolla]

They wanted to die. He helped them. They had advanced Lou Gehrig's disease. A guy was 72 with Lou Gehrig's. Him and his family wanted to gather around and say goodbye to grandpa and let him die. That's what we really give a fuck about. This, but yet we give a huge fuck about it.

[Frank Stallone]

They put them in prison and we.

[Adam Carolla]

Should all not give a fuck about it. Yes, of course not.

[Allison Rosen]

There's just other fucks we should be giving.

[Adam Carolla]

We need to give our fucks to better recipients of fucks. Yes.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so, but we. When it comes to certain topics, like, you know, the 16 ounce drink or whatever it is, we get all weird. Like we. We get like. We start getting into the Constitution and the founding fathers and the slippery slopes, and we get weird about it. So I think the food thing especially. But there's also the element of. As I've said, listen, my sister died.

[Frank Stallone]

Last year of lung cancer at 51. Four packs of cigarettes a day.

[Adam Carolla]

Four.

[Frank Stallone]

Yes. And my. And I told her every day, I tell my mother, I said, you know what? She's been smoking since she's 13, non stop smoking. 10 cans of coca Cola a day. And she used to be beautiful. And I said, I'm telling you, the day she gets sick, it's over. So my mother calls and of course it's my fault.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is it your fault?

[Frank Stallone]

Because I'm, you know, I guess you're happy now. I said, I'm not happy. I told you for 20 years, you know, put her somewhere where she could, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

How old's your mom?

[Frank Stallone]

My mom would be 92.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Frank Stallone]

So that's pretty tough. And my nephew died a month apart from my sister. And he was 36, sage. And he also smoked four packs of cigarettes a day. Even more.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, how do you do that? How do you smoke four packs a day?

[Frank Stallone]

I don't know, 80 cigarettes a day.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like you literally have to use one to light the next one. What was Sage's, what, whatever happened, Died.

[Frank Stallone]

Of a heart attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Just heart attack.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, he also, you know, he, he, he, God rest his soul, he's a sweet kid, but he got heavy. He smoked a lot, didn't go outside, would eat pizzas. And he was like a film nerd. He started Grindhouse films. He started Grindhouse. He really did. And so that's what he was into. And I think the thing was, you know, I think it's tough, you know, look, I know it's like being the brother of someone that's famous, but being the son and maybe you just don't have the same physical attributes of your father. You know, he did, he did it, he was anti. He didn't work out, he didn't do this, he didn't play sports. All the stuff that my brother did. And I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, do you think he was sort of rejecting that because your brother?

[Frank Stallone]

I think so. I think so. I think a lot of kids do. I mean, you get like, you know, a lot of kids, their parents are great athletes, you know, I mean, you know, you get these parents that are really good looking. Their kids look like trolls. So what happens? Yeah, no, you get like the greatest.

[Adam Carolla]

Looking parents going, what the fuck happened? Yeah, well, it's weird because.

[Frank Stallone]

And it was so tragic. I mean, it was the worst day of my life. I mean, the sense was, you know, because all of a sudden everything starts going, shoulda, coulda, would have, maybe I could. But you never think a 36 year old guy's gonna just drop dead of a heart attack. But as I go back in life, remember when I was a little kid, they say you know what? Maury had a heart attack. He was a young man. He was 40. But people do. Like you were saying, people that have high cholesterol diets and stuff like that. How about Jim Fix wrote the book on running, Drop dead Jogging.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Yul Gibbons used to eat trees and shit. What happened? Fucking heart attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Many, many parts of the pine cone were edible.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, I think he. I think he was trying to get.

[Adam Carolla]

That was for Grape Nuts cereal, by the way. He's like, hi, I'm Yul Gibbons. Like, first off, old guy gnawing on a pine cone does not say, come and get it to me. Like, you know what? I could go for some cereal about it.

[Frank Stallone]

A guy sticking a hibiscus plant up his ass is not, like, really good for health.

[Adam Carolla]

It is true, though, that Grape Nuts was a lateral move to a pine cone. Like in the flavor of the pine. Pine cone.

[Frank Stallone]

That was the only thing we had in those days that would make you go to the bathroom was Grape Nuts. And my father goes, is that what it's for? Yeah, I'd say, my dad. I said, dad, can I have the Grape Nuts? He goes, nah, you don't eat them yet. You're too young.

[Adam Carolla]

The problem with Grape Nuts is the window to eat Grape Nuts was you couldn't do it immediately. Cause it was like eating gravel. But if you waited too long, it just turned to one pile of cold mush.

[Frank Stallone]

It was grout.

[Adam Carolla]

And you had to jump on it, like, immediately.

[Frank Stallone]

It was like, actually grout. You could actually do like a tile your kitchen with Grape Nuts. And we had stuff like maple. Really bad stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Find me Yul Givenson is. That was during. That was sort of the Billy. That was the Billy Jack era, where it was like, you know, a lot of living off the land and a lot of Native Americans. It was never a better time to be Indian. Cher had her Half Breed songs in full effect.

[Frank Stallone]

And then they had the fake, you know, Chief Ironized Cody. You remember him, like, with.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you had. You had. You had Marlon Brando.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, who. She wasn't. She was Italian. The princess that came on that took the award and Ironized Cody. I found out. I got to know him.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy from the commercial.

[Frank Stallone]

He's Sicilian.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy Italian. I gotta say, I've been burned by the American Indians way too many times in terms of. Of. And there's a lot of. It's a weird thing because first off, the people that are like, I'm 1 34th Ericoi. Like, does that mean anything? And what does it mean, and then what do you. What are we? And isn't everyone like 130 something?

[Frank Stallone]

They get money from the casino. I've seen girls like this. And they go like this. And they go, yes, I'm Irish and German, a quarter Cherokee. I say, how the fuck do you know you're a quarter Cherokee? You have blue eyes, right? You look like a fucking. You're from, like, Newfoundland.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what gives her her tenacity.

[Frank Stallone]

There is Yule Gibbons.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's. Yeah, here's him. For Grape Nuts, I'm Yule Gibbons. I'm gathering part of my breakfast. These are high bush cranberries. Delicious with Grape Nuts. As an author of five books on natural foods, I can recommend post Grape Nuts White Toast. This crunchy cereal is made from natural ingredients, wholesome wheat and barley, and it's fortified with vitamins. Its naturally sweet taste reminds me of wild hickory nuts. I call Grape Nuts my back to nature cereal.

[Frank Stallone]

I think Ronald Scarf. Do you see how thick his hair was? Yeah. God, do you look. God almighty, you look like Ronald Reagan.

[Adam Carolla]

There's another one where he talked about many parts of the pine cone were edible. And first off, let's really examine many. First off, any. I could eat this microphone. Everything is technically edible. It's just it wouldn't go down that fast, that's all.

[Allison Rosen]

Or come out that well.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Especially well, if I left the cord on, maybe that helped. DraftKings, baby. Oh, man. DraftKings. We're mopping up over here. DraftKings. Fantasy football millionaires. That's what they're gonna make you draft kings. They got a grand finale coming up and you can get one million bucks. The winner is going to get one. One million simoleons. Yeah, see?

[Frank Stallone]

Give me a saw, buck.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. One million saw. Oh, is that 20 bucks? I got to do the math. Anyway, somebody is going to get one million bucks. New fun way to play fantasy football one day. Fantasy sports and you don't have to draw out the whole big long season. Maybe your guy got injured, you move on. You move on to your next battle, Right? Ball.

[Brian Bishop]

Bryan, I'm in two contests on DraftKings right now, and I kind of of prefer it to those like traditional fantasy. It's a lot of fun. You're following up for one week. If it's no. If you're no good, draft the new team next week and you're back in the money.

[Frank Stallone]

How much can you win?

[Brian Bishop]

Anywhere between like ten and a million bucks.

[Frank Stallone]

Let me ask you this. I want to ask something quick. I want to give a take. Now that guy that worked, that lived in New York, that's made $140 million on the lottery, but he was an illegal alien. Do you think he should have still gotten the money? He's here illegal. He got 140 million. You think it should have gone to someone that pays his fucking taxes? I don't think he should.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're loading the question. But hold on a second. Dawson's got to do a quick little DraftKings spiel and then I will give you my answer, okay? Right now, Adam Carolla show listeners get free entry into the Millionaire Grand Finale.

[Jim Norton]

Enter adamaraftkings.com for your free shot to be crowned a fantasy football millionaire.

[Adam Carolla]

But you gotta enter adam [e-mail] for details and your free entry, visit DraftKings.com that's DraftKings.com I don't like the lottery. I hate the lottery. I hate the message that the lottery sends to its citizens of this country. The lottery is the exact opposite of this country. What this country said and says to the world is, come here, get to work, roll up your sleeves. It doesn't matter where you're from, and it doesn't matter what your name is or what you look like. Show up, roll up your sleeves. Everyone comes here penniless. Pay your tax, they bust your ass. You get educated, you work, and you become successful here. Unlike wherever you're from, where no matter how hard you work, that may not have been possible here. Doesn't matter what you are. You can be a doctor, you can be an attorney. You can do whatever you want. That's what we do here. The lottery is, nothing's ever going to work out. You don't have a fucking shot. So go buy this ticket from the. This fucking guy at a liquor store. And by the way, I don't know. Money goes to the schools. Except for the schools have never been worse. I don't get that connection. Seems like the schools were doing better. At least the test scores were better.

[Frank Stallone]

Where does the money go? Where does the money go?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, it's the government at its worst, because basically they say to us, hey, gambling on professional football or gambling on ponies or whatever it is, dogs depending on where you are, whatever, that's wrong, it's illegal, it's immoral. You can't do it. But this form of gambling that we profit from that involves nothing but dumb luck and by the way, is geared toward people who socioeconomically should not be Gambling at all. I mean, this and does not involve any strategy or any math skills or anything else. But as long as dumb poor people want to do some engage in this form of gambling that we profit from, that's cool. We're gonna show commercials all day long of like ping pong balls raining from the sky. Everyone's dreams coming true. And it's like what they're saying is your dream is this. Here's your dream come true. You in this country, you're either born in this country or you got to this country dream. First part of dream good. Second part of dream, get the fuck to work. And then you can realize, then you can have the car, then you can have those things that you get. The lottery, It's a horrible, horrible, demoralizing message to send to people. It should be legal, should be outlawed. Schools have not gotten better. The government hypocrite pussies, they hide behind the schools. Oh, but do you see the money? Oh, yeah, I'm looking around at the schools. They're fucking awesome.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, they're doing great.

[Adam Carolla]

They're fucking great.

[Frank Stallone]

12Th graders have 6th grade reading comp, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So how much do you think?

[Frank Stallone]

How much do you think? How much money do you think people spend on the idea of winning the lottery? Billions.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say that the average person that plays the lottery makes less than $24,000 a year. Like, is hovering around what we would consider the poverty line in terms of income. And they're using a substantial part of that for them to chase this fantasy that's never gonna come true. And the commercials just perpetuate it. And if this was anything else where the government wasn't wetting their beak, this would immediately be illegal because you'd go, look, you are lying to the people, the citizens taking advantage, and you're taking advantage. And again, as I've always said, if any guidance counselor in any high school said to a student, you know, when he went, like, well, what do you think? College? Or should I go to training? And he said, play the lottery. That guy would be fired. Of course, that would be the worst piece of advice. You'd go, you can't send that message to a student. That's the worst message you can send. This is the worst message that a government can send to its people. And yet they never stop because they get money.

[Frank Stallone]

You know what's really funny?

[Adam Carolla]

When they're fucking hypocrites.

[Frank Stallone]

My father came over from Italy with nothing. Couldn't speak.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're Italian.

[Frank Stallone]

Yes, I've been known to be. Okay, it's not the Italian scallions. Italian Stallion. Anyway, so, anyway, my father came over, couldn't speak English, went to what they called the American school. School. Because unlike today, if you didn't speak English, you couldn't get a job here, Right? They didn't pander, okay? And he said. I said. He said, franica. So I had learned English. Five years later, he's fighting in World War II, okay? And he was the type of guy that just worked hard, did pretty well for himself. But every day till they died, I never saw him take a day off work. I never saw him sick at the salon, at the hair salon. I mean, he should have been sick with all that fucking Aquanet and permanent stuff blowing around. Yeah. Blown around. And they all smoked. They're sitting there with an Aquanet can, which is flammable, with a cigarette hanging out in the mouth, like spraying some woman. It's a blowtorch. It's like an acetylene torch. But, Adam, I gotta say something. How can you never tweet? Do you. You never tweet back?

[Adam Carolla]

I tweet. I tweet people.

[Frank Stallone]

You don't tweet me.

[Allison Rosen]

Quote something funny he said and said.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I retweet. I retweet stuff people send me.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, you know where I'm at.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't spell.

[Frank Stallone]

You get my tweets at Stallone.

[Adam Carolla]

I always just figure your person, like, puts. Puts me on their whatever.

[Frank Stallone]

Okay? You think I'm. But I'm verified, so I'm a real guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? I'm a tweet.

[Frank Stallone]

Are you verified? Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how that works. Yeah, I don't. I'm old school. All right, all right. Where were we? Ah, yes, the show. Bring it. Bring it around, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it.

[Adam Carolla]

Of kind. That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, Dennis Prager, great thinker. Dennis Prager coming up, Lou Diamond Phillips coming up, Jay Moore coming up. And, ooh, Dallas Page coming up as well. Us at Amalfi and M15 concert bar and Grill coming up in Corona. We're out there. Fun show. Six, eight months ago. I can't remember. That'll be next Sunday, September 15th. And mean. Dennis Prager, San Bernardino Theater for The Performing Arts, September 21. Good guy, lots of.

[Frank Stallone]

How do you get along with him?

[Adam Carolla]

It's the nicest. He's. He's the warmest, most genuine. He's great guy on the planet and just. Just packed full of wisdom, but. But happy and just like. Like the craziest. Oh, I'll tell the story. It just. He's just one of those guys. It just has its spirit to him. Like, he's just warm and he likes to laugh and he's just. It's just like he's like that uncle that's always in a good mood. Except for this guy speaks 10 languages, has traveled every continent, and is absolutely brilliant. Frank Stallone, September 21st. Tello's in studio City. Oh, the wrong button. And yes, sorry. September 28th at the San Gennaro Italian Festival in Hollywood.

[Allison Rosen]

But also, there's my show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm getting to that.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you do it.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Well, Alison Rosen is your new best friend. New episodes available now on itunes and our app. This week's guest is Kelly Carlin. That is George Carlin's daughter, and she talked a lot about her experience growing up with him, all sorts of stuff. New episodes every Monday and Thursday. And Paul Brian was on our Thursday episode. For more Info, go to AllisonRosen.com all.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, so until next time, this is Sam Kroll from Frank Stallone, Allison Rosen, and Ball Bryan saying mahalo. Let it be known throughout the neighborhood that I am the alpha bitch here. And I'm going to let my piss. I'm going to spread my piss out all over the place.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that's adam Kroll show 1159.

[Adam Carolla]

That does it for Ace Coral Classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for.

[Frank Stallone]

An all new installment.

[Adam Carolla]

Until then, I'll then get it off.

[Frank Stallone]

Ra.