Joel McHale + Tom Kenny (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show — Carolla Classics: Joel McHale + Tom Kenny (July 18, 2026)

Overview

This “Carolla Classics” special revisits some of the most memorable Adam Carolla Show moments from the early 2010s, featuring comedian Joel McHale and voice acting legend Tom Kenny (SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Show). Adam, Allison Rosen, and Brian "Bald Brian" Bishop serve up their trademark blend of irreverent humor, pop culture riffs, and personal anecdote-driven conversation. Running threads include LA weather rants, darkly comic family mishaps, observations on fame and show business, and a cavalcade of rapid-fire riffs on everything from peanut butter to voiceover acting.

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Key Segments, Discussion Points, and Highlights

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1. LA Weather, Valley Heat & Life in SoCal

[01:54 – 04:12]

• Adam and Brian riff on the geographical absurdities of Los Angeles weather, especially the inferno-like temperature swings between the coast and the San Fernando Valley.
  • [02:20] Adam: “It has to be the only place in the world that, literally 11 miles as the seagull flies, it jumps 44 degrees in that fucking span.”
• Adam waxes about his New England upbringing, his aversion to wearing shorts after Labor Day, and the sweaty consequences of that tradition when transplanted to California.
  • [03:50] Adam: “After Labor Day, I can't wear shorts… So I just sweat like a— It's gonna be hot for seven or eight more [weeks]…”

Memorable Quote

• Adam: “The valley… we're kind of on the rim. …On the rim of the toilet, that is the valley.”

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2. Family Mishaps & Weird Parenting Stories

[05:45 – 09:52]

• Brian tells an epic tale about finding a Ziploc bag of his son’s urine in his wife’s Audi after a family trip—an incident that segues into an exchange of increasingly wild and grotesque parental war stories.
  • Brian: “I got a call from my Guatemalan nanny, Olga, …'There's a Ziploc bag filled with Sonny's piss in the Audi.'”
• Adam shares a horrifying but hilarious story of his three-year-old daughter suffering severe constipation, necessitating emergency bathroom maneuvers at a café.
  • Adam: “Either a rock-hard baseball …drops onto the floor, or my daughter has invented a new way to make avocados.” [09:03]
  • Leads into a “Suzy Q of shit” landed outside a restaurant bathroom as strangers pass by.

Notable Moment

• [12:11] Adam: “The last thing I saw as I left was somebody putting down a sign that said piso mojado. Piso mojado, indeed.”

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3. Pets, Death, and Dark Comedy

[34:04 – 50:00]

• Adam and Brian discuss the emotional realities and practical logistics of euthanizing family pets, sharing stories with characteristic unfiltered candor.
  • Adam: “Now you can have them come in, and they do it there…this is a terrible area for comedy.” [34:33]
• The process: home euthanasia, breaking the news to kids, post-mortem handling … and the cost of a vet sending a beloved dog off.
  • Brian: “When the bank sends me a letter saying I’m late on a mortgage payment, it doesn’t show a picture of my house pouting…” [36:48]
  • Adam: “My motivation to pay now, right, is what? What happens if I don’t? Do you resuscitate her?” [47:05]

Memorable Quote

• Adam: “I have no belief at all in people heaven. I have every belief in dog heaven. …There’s no cat heaven. There’s only cat hell.” [50:01]

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4. Pop Culture, Reality, and Lying in Modern America

[75:23 – 85:09], [80:03]

• Tom Kenny joins for a segment about voice acting, auctioning for charity, and Tim Burton’s directorial quirks.
  • Tom Kenny: “Tim Burton directed me via Skype… just a disembodied head on a screen…” [63:50]
• Extended riffs on the increasing prevalence of narcissism, denial, and lying in everyday life and media, despite the evidence all around us.
  • Brian: “In a weird way with all this, it’s like we are disputing calls, and we have the game film from 30 different angles in high def, and we’re still disputing the calls. …We’re doubling down on our lying.” [80:02]

Notable Quote

• Tom Kenny: “Colorblindness is no laughing matter. That’s a real condition.” [83:56]

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5. Joel McHale: Chevy Chase, Hollywood, and Riffing on Construction Codes

[99:35 – 113:46]

• Brian and Joel reminisce about Joel’s regular guesting in the Adam Carolla radio days, riffing on the industry’s gatekeepers and the ascent of comedians like Louis C.K., Zach Galifianakis, and Daniel Tosh.
  • Joel: “Jack Silver didn’t want Galifianakis in the studio … whatever happened to those three guys?”
• Heavy discussion on LA home construction codes—overengineering, earthquake paranoia, and “nailing schedules.”
  • Adam: “My house was built in 1929 … And you know where it is today, right? The fucking where it was put by all the dead people with no hold downs and no rebar and no bunkers and no straps and no nothing.” [108:45]
• Joel’s “No Pool” saga: the bureaucratic nightmare of trying to build a pool in LA’s hills.

Memorable Rant

• Adam: “Did [my 1929 house] sprout legs and run to Montana every time there was an earthquake … It sat there with no straps, no plywood, no nailing schedule, … nothing. Wow.” [109:24]

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6. Surfing, Sharks, and SoCal Subcultures

[134:42 – 147:01]

• Conversation about surfers’ fanaticism, shark attacks, and the culture of territorial locals.
  • Brian (parodying post-attack surfer interviews): “Who do you blame?” — “The shark. I want him killed.”
  • Joel: “I would like to see that movie—baboons on surfboards. …I’ve seen it. It’s called The Accused.” [145:29]
• The group dissects the dominance of bikes and bikes as class signifiers (busboys vs. tech bros), plus LA Jeep/surfboard/mountain bike status.

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7. Suing Over Bad Smells & Frivolous Lawsuits

[147:10 – 155:51]

• Story of a New York library patron sued for $5.5M after being asked to leave for smelling bad leads to classic Carolla group mockery of lawsuit culture in America.
  • Joel: “With these frivolous lawsuits … small chance you’ll be shot. That’s how it should be.”
• Discussion veers into infamous wrongful death claims (North Hollywood bank robbery), entitlement, and the American obsession with litigation over logic.

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8. Miscellaneous Classic Banter & Showbiz Bits

• Tom Kenny on voicework for Frankenweenie, coaching child actors, the weirdness of industry charity gigs, and life advice for young performers.
• Jokes about peanut butter (animals agree on it), school lunch health food, and homemade fig newtons.
• More stray topics: car auctions, the Soup and Community, Joel’s “pool rant,” comedic laments for the “forgotten woman” plus size shops, and the hierarchy of pet cremation.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “After Labor Day, I can't wear shorts … I just sweat like a—” — Adam Carolla [03:50]
• “My daughter's gonna live. … And people are walking into the restaurant seeing a guy standing over a small Chinese woman…” — Adam [11:47]
• “There’s no cat heaven. There’s only cat hell.” — Adam [50:01]
• “You can lead a horse to water, but don’t beat them.” — Tom Kenny [72:49]
• “I can't. My email’s in New York.” — Chevy Chase via Joel McHale story [158:50]
• “Would you ride the Zipper again after you were impaled on it? No, I'm not surfing again.” — Brian as “shark attack survivor” [136:57]
• “Frivolous lawsuits… five of those a year, they should be put before a firing squad.” — Joel McHale [149:23]
• “If that was a baboon paddling out on that board … a group of male baboons on other boards would jump on top of her…” — Joel McHale [145:12]

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Overall Tone and Style

• True to Adam Carolla’s signature, the tone is sharp, brash, self-deprecating, and unflinching—ping-ponging between gallows humor and playfully hostile riffing.
• Guests like Tom Kenny and Joel McHale keep up gamely with the host’s rapid-fire, hyper-literate asides and improvisational bits.
• Nostalgia for earlier, “freer” podcast and radio days pervades; with biting, smart commentary on cultural trends, hypocrisy, and the absurdities of bureaucracy and media.
• Fans of “car talk,” dark family stories, and offbeat showbiz tales will find copious highlights.

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For First-Time Listeners: Why This Episode Works

You’ll get the Adam Carolla Show at its best: fearlessly funny riffs; showbiz war stories; tangents that somehow tie weather, peanut butter, death, and LA culture together; and guests who are as fast on their feet as the host. The Tom Kenny and Joel McHale episodes—brought back here as Carolla Classics—are prime examples of Carolla’s uniquely compelling, anarchic, and cathartic brand of podcast conversation.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Best thing that's ever happened to you financially.

[Brian Bishop]

Go easy. Sold my car on Carvana. Amazing offer, really.

[Adam Carolla]

I hit 200 on the scratcher.

[Tom Kenny]

Did the scratcher come to your house

[Brian Bishop]

and hand you a check?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on Carvana.com once.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, that's fair.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like the lottery, except you always win.

[Joel McHale]

Not like the lottery at all, actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly. Inexplicably good offers worth bragging about. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly. Check engine ABS or maintenance light on. Take the guesswork out of your warning lights with O'Reilly Variscan. The service is free and provides a report with solutions verified by ASE Certified Master Technicians. And if you need help, we could recommend a shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts.

[Podcast Host]

Welcome to Cult Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clip clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to access the complete archive of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the newer podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamco.substack.com Sign up, subscribe and listen ad free. And if you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsdamkarolla.com alright, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carolla Show 905 featuring Dana Gould, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2012.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm Adam Carolla, that's Allison Rosen over there, Ontario bald Brian on sound effects. And of course the great Dan Gould, everybody. Well, it's hot, it's hotter than and I'm bothered by it. And I am one of these guys that wakes up whole hopeful every morning that this horrible cycle of heat has been broken. And I do the same thing. I turn on the radio and they give out the temperatures and I have a policy I would like them to enact because they fuck with me every morning, which is they go, oh, now it's time to take a look at the weather in the beaches. Low 70s. And I always say, oh wow, there you go. Civic center in the 80s 90s in LA Valley. 117 in the Valley where Adam works. And I went from like oh, we're start off in the beach, I'm picking out cardigans. Yeah and then. But I work in fucking Glendale, California, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Looking out the window and leaves are bursting into flames.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Before they hit the ground. And it's like. I don't know how it has to be the only place in the world where in. You know, it's literally 11 miles as the seagull flies. Yes. Or possibly pelican, where it jumps 44 degrees in that fucking span.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the valley where you and I both. Well, I'm. I'm in. Well, now we're kind of on the rim.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're on the valley.

[Adam Carolla]

We're seated.

[Allison Rosen]

But you're rimming the valley on the

[Adam Carolla]

rim of the toilet. That is the valley. It's a turducken. It's made to keep and generate heat night.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

People go there just. Just. Just to bake their turkeys around Thanksgiving. Just literally putting them on the roof of their car and waiting in Resita.

[Adam Carolla]

And I have a weird thing, I think, being from New England after Labor Day, I can't wear shorts.

[Brian Bishop]

Uhhuh. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So, like, it's. It. It's. Labor Day is over. I'm putting on jeans.

[Allison Rosen]

What happens in New England if you wear shorts after.

[Adam Carolla]

After Labor Day, it's cold enough that you just put on long pants. And I just sweat like a. It's like. Well, it's gonna be hot for seven or eight more.

[Brian Bishop]

You get cold fag. And then a bunch of white guys beat the.

[Adam Carolla]

Out of you.

[Brian Bishop]

A bunch of extras from a Marvel. Yeah, that's movie. Just jump on. You beat the fuck out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You get a warming, throttling.

[Giovanni]

I.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of warm, I had this nice little gift left behind for me. Well, two things. First off, this combination of heat and insects drives me nuts because somehow it's weird, because when heat and insects. Insects, yeah. Yes, yes. Not in heat. Insects. Yeah, you're right. That. That's a good thing.

[Allison Rosen]

It's just a waste of my time.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I'm gonna get. I'm gonna tell you what that boy did to me. I'm gonna tell you what he did today. But first. All right. I'll tell you what my son did to me. My. My wife and my kids went to Chicago for the weekend because it's rumored that Bruce Springsteen may make a solid BM somewhere in Illinois. And they're going to see two concerts over there. And they all left. That means I get to drive my wife's cool Audi for the week while she's gone, which is cool. So I commandeered her car. The nanny drove them to the airport and then dropped the car back off at my house. And then I jumped in the car and took off and found in the passenger door a Ziploc bag filled with urine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. I had those.

[Brian Bishop]

A little Forget me. Not that my son evidently left behind when they hit some traffic on the way to lax. I don't mind the part where he took the piss in the Ziploc. I mind the part where they stashed it somewhere in the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it also means that somewhere in the car is a sandwich without a home.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a. There's a loose pimento sandwich rolling around the trunk, a Ziploc of urine, and God knows there's probably space saver in the trunk as well.

[Adam Carolla]

If. If you have three minutes, I've got.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd love to hear a nice.

[Guest/Caller]

I'll talk.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, please.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll top that straight.

[Brian Bishop]

Please be a 2 upper. No, a 1 upper. Literally in this case, we had to

[Adam Carolla]

take the kids back to school and so they have to go to the. Get a checkup to make sure that everything is, you know, they can't just walk in and be around kids.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like the thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You never know what kid it is. Actually a monster. My 3 year old, I have a 10, 8 and 3. And my 3 year old, this is just the other day, they feel like, feel this in her abdomen. And my wife is in New York, so I'm alone with the kids and it's like, oh, oh. And then. And I go, well, we have been traveling. She might not have gone to the bathroom. And the doctor. Yeah, but that's usually on the other side. And then they do that thing that just puts you at ease. Maybe we should just take an X ray of it right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you're sent to another place.

[Brian Bishop]

Now if she was Mexican, that means she was pregnant.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry, that's offensive. Could be pregnant. Could be pregnant. She's not.

[Adam Carolla]

She's Chinese. She's smuggling industrial.

[Brian Bishop]

She's bringing Beanie Babies here.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a pair of Adidas. So we go. And, And I go like. Well, she's, you know, she doesn't. I can't remember when she went to. I hadn't thought about it. I don't keep that track.

[Joel McHale]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't start the day with the temperature in the shit report.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

She gets a, an X ray at this other place and then we. And then it'll be, well, I'LL let you know by the end of the day.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Four of the longest hours of your life where you're just sitting there with your phone. What could it be? How many kinds of cancer could it be?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And we're at the California Chicken Cafe in Encino, which is a lovely establishment, despite the story. I'm going to. Don't let this affect your going there, Okay?

[Brian Bishop]

I shan't.

[Adam Carolla]

We're eating and my 3 year old goes, daddy poo poo. So I. And then I immediately go to pick her up. You know, you do this. Just scoop them under the butt, right? Tuck them in.

[Brian Bishop]

Turtle head. Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

But sea turtle head.

[Brian Bishop]

Sea turtle.

[Adam Carolla]

Sea turtle head. You know, like when you're in the ocean, you just go, I saw it, I saw it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, sea turtle, right? Big turtle, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I get her into the bathroom, I just take down her, and either a rock hard baseball of right. Drops onto the floor, or my daughter has invented a new way to make avocados.

[Brian Bishop]

And no better than the guacamole, if you think about it.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is how you know, which is it. You. You go to pick it up and there's no give to it, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a solid grip, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. If you had a pitching wedge, you'd never have to touch it. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes, like with a dog, like, it's the gentility.

[Brian Bishop]

Just, just right.

[Adam Carolla]

Trying to use its pressure against itself, much like building a suspension bridge. Take care of that. Go back eating with my other kids and I don't feel the lump anymore. So now I'm. Oh, great. This is awesome, right? I'm out of the woods, right? Poo poo. Oh, okay. And now no underwear because.

[Joel McHale]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

She sharted.

[Giovanni]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So I would say that I threw it away, but I wrapped it in paper towels and put it.

[Brian Bishop]

Really gonna use it.

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Joel McHale]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I did.

[Brian Bishop]

See, that's me.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I love to have a lot of poop around me on my person. So I go, men's room locked, right? Ladies room locked. Okay. Thinking quickly because shit is falling out of my daughter.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

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[Adam Carolla]

We go out back and I hold her over the trash can.

[Tom Kenny]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

As people are coming in.

[Brian Bishop]

How. How happy are you about this nacho decision up front here? This is in any way affected that decision.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

At all. You're not nearly feeling as good about it as you were 20 minutes ago.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is really a new version of the get the ball in the nose of the guy trying to get. But she needs it on. She needs to push off.

[Brian Bishop]

So I set her down in the dumpster.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just set it down on the ground. On the ground right outside the door as people are leaving. And have you ever heard the term a Suzie Q of shit, but just like a bear claw and, like, thunked on the ground, right?

[Advertisement Voice]

Boom.

[Adam Carolla]

And as people are walking out, I'm going, yes, because this is. My daughter's gonna live.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And people are walking into the restaurant, seeing a guy standing over a small Chinese woman who's a boot, and I'm going, yes. And long story short, the day ended with her also pissing on the floor of the restaurant.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, you might want to take her back. Turned on right now. The last thing I saw as I left was somebody putting down a sign that said piso mojado. Piso mojado, indeed.

[Brian Bishop]

So it should be. It should be noted that Dana, because he's such a good soul, has adopted three girls. Right. From China.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And in each. Each time you make the pilgrimage over there, Right? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And unlike the great comedian Woody Allen, I've fucked none of them

[Allison Rosen]

yet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. The day is young, my friend.

[Giovanni]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

That was just one of life's little choices that I made.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you can't judge that much I've learned.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's like, according to him, it's like growing your own tomatoes.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Yeah. You can make your own salsa if you need to.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Your business. I. So I got the. I got the bag of whiz from my son. I did the thing where I called him in Chicago after they'd landed.

[Adam Carolla]

How old a boy is he now?

[Brian Bishop]

He's 26, but he's severely retarded.

[Adam Carolla]

As opposed to daintily retarded.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Dusting of retardism as opposed to just

[Adam Carolla]

a kiss of retard.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Like powdered sugar on A cannoli. I. Smattering. Yeah. I got him on the phone. I said, sonny, thanks for the gift you left behind in the car. And he was like, I piss in a bag. That was no gift. Like, they don't know irony.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't know comedy. That was not a gift. And it was. It was. It's a great conversation because the way I found it is I. I got a call from my Guatemalan nanny, Olga, who was telling me in broken English, there's a Ziploc bag filled with Sonny's piss in the Audi. But very hard to decipher between my cell phone connection and her.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a hard one. That's a hard one.

[Brian Bishop]

She's like the ship lock gyplock. I'm like, what?

[Guest/Caller]

Jiplock.

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, how. Look, let me just say something to anyone who speaks English, who's a.

[Adam Carolla]

And I have to say howdy. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, don't. You don't have to get that specific. Sunny took a piss in a bag. It's in the car. I'm not going to say, what kind of bag is this?

[Allison Rosen]

Right? A sandwich bag.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank God. It was one of those full top seal. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

How's this Baggy closed. Like, I. I'll do that. She couldn't say Ziploc baggy, so I kept having. And it was just like, something's wrong. But you never know if something's wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, or. Or not so wrong. But. So back to the heat and. And the insects, which I. I never really thought about this, but in the heat, everything wilts. Like, my dog just does that thing where she goes, that's it. I'll be no good to anybody. Or call. Call me when it gets under 80 degrees outside, and I'll see if I can wag my tail or something. And she does the thing where she's like a divining rod for cool places. You know what I mean? Like. Like if you're. If you're. If you're. Like, if you're stuck out in the desert somewhere or you're out in Africa and you. And you're parched and you're looking for water, you should find a monkey and give it some salt and. And then follow it.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Because it will lead you to the water. You probably burn more calories capturing a monkey and feeding it salt. But if you do, that monkey will lead you to the water. And if you would like to find the coolest place in my house, you just go find my dog. And what Molly does is she lays down in front of the air conditioning vent on the tile floor in the upstairs bathroom and she absorbs every ounce of cool air and then farts out hot air. She's a heat exchange.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a tree.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like the opposite of a car radiator. Instead of taking in warm water, cooling it and putting it back, she takes in cool air and farts out hot air. And that's why it's blistering. But everything melts. Cats, dogs, people, everyone just sort of when it gets hot, just starts slowing down and melting and it's like insects get supercharged, they get weird and I don't know why.

[Allison Rosen]

That is weed that grows more in that environment.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So when you open the front door and the porch lights on, all the moths and insects, Daddy long legs and the crane flies and everything are all going insane. And the spiders like don't know what to do with themselves. And I had my worst, my. My worst dream, my realization or scenario came true the other night. Which is spider on the ceiling directly above the bed. Never where my feet are, always where my head is. Always smack dab in the middle of the fucking bed. Always just hanging out directly over the bed. I did the thing where. What's that? They're eight legged perverts just fucking hanging out, hoping, hoping daddy breaks off a piece of pussy so they can watch shoot that web out of a different orifice for a change. I do that move at night or I get the tissue paper and I, you know, I've had a couple of glasses of red wine and I'm balancing myself up on the tempur pedic and I make the move and I miss and I see the thing fall.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh no.

[Brian Bishop]

And it lands on the pillow and starts the scurry move. And then it's like pillow off and sheet flying around. And by the way, whenever wives please do not add to this by waking up and going with that super shitty voice. What are you doing? Because I know what's in your head. Your head is. I've just come up to the bed and started running around on it while you're asleep and then throwing pillows in different directions for no apparent reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't tell them. Don't tell them that the truth.

[Brian Bishop]

I couldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, like I'm listening.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right. So you know, and the thing is just scurried around and now it's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gone.

[Brian Bishop]

And that is the worst. That's a bad one that could ever happen.

[Allison Rosen]

No, because now it's on to you.

[Brian Bishop]

It's on to me.

[Allison Rosen]

And it's in your house.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like we. I. I'd established a little trust with it before, but now it knows I'm the enemy. And then about two minutes later, I see what could be the same spider on the wall next to the bed, right? So I get the tissue in. This one I put out of its misery. But I can't tell if these two were the same or just close cousins.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta tag them.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what to do. And maybe I've just killed its best friend and now it's coming out for revenge.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's like man on fire.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that's right, that Denzel Washington.

[Adam Carolla]

Natch.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Either way, coming after me. So that is.

[Adam Carolla]

Has there ever been another movie about a guy getting pissed because his friend was killed?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Never. Never in the annals of movie making history. So I don't know why insects go wacky when the heat goes up. And I wish they just joined Molly and just fucking find a cool place and chill out. But evidently they picked the hottest place in the house, which is directly above my bed on the ceiling.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Brian Bishop]

They invert themselves and they just hang out there.

[Allison Rosen]

See what? I never know how to do this kind of insect math because when I see one there, I think either I move fast and get it or I move really slow and sneak up on it.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

But if you don't make the right choice, you're going to miss out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And I'm done, by the way, doing the thing where I get them into the cup and then slip the envelope and then throw them outside because all they do is get pregnant and come back in.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes I have a little reading light that is like fluorescent. Like a mini fluorescent reading light. And sometimes I'll have.

[Allison Rosen]

We get it. You're smart.

[Brian Bishop]

We get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I usually sit at night and I'll read porn right like, if you want to find out where the cool spot in your house is, you follow Molly. If you want to find out where the porn is in your town, follow the comedian that's in town during the day, right? No. So sometimes the house will be open without the doors open, the windows open and stuff. And then at night, you close up the house.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And all the lights go out except for one small fluorescent light Right. In the bedroom. And basically every bug in the house just starts to pelt my face right as I'm trying to read.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like just being. And. And insects that you've never. That I've never even seen before.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Yeah, we had. My. My wife had a salamander. Yeah. A salamander trapped under the mop the other day. And she was holding it down and

[Guest/Caller]

you have a mop.

[Brian Bishop]

She has a mop. Oh, she calls it the stick with the sponge on the end of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

But she calls, you know, she calls the stove the magical thing that shoots flames. So she doesn't know. And sewing machine she hasn't heard of yet. But I told her that's right in the title. You know what I mean? Like toast.

[Adam Carolla]

The stove is just a fartless dog. It makes heat, but doesn't far.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. I. I was. Yeah. So I captured a. A salamander. And how big was it?

[Giovanni]

It was.

[Brian Bishop]

It was, you know, about three inches long. And I can't figure out, like, I don't want anything alive in my house. And I include my twins. I mean, I'm not. I'm consistent.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's true. He has giant traps for them.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I've. I found. I also. Jeez. I probably shouldn't say anything, but my.

[Adam Carolla]

I killed a hooker. I panicked.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it by glue trap?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, listen, I thought the tip was included. She gave me a hard time. I was on the road.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I'd seen Breaking Bad. I was in that kind of food.

[Brian Bishop]

My. My Guatemalan nanny did the We've got visitors. The weird, super cryptic we've got visitor things.

[Allison Rosen]

That means someone has their period. Or mice.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Or a mouse has its period. The worst.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're Arnold Schwarzenegger's nanny, that's code for check yourself for crabs, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. We've got visitors. She found some mouse droppings in the. Like in the. In the cabinet underneath this cooktop with tiny mouse avocados.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Little mouse avocados in there. And put the trap. And put the peanut butter. And that's another thing I've spoken About before. Here's the thing. It's an interesting. It's an interesting thing. Every creature on the planet will eat peanut butter. It's ironic that we've outlawed it from our schools.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

But we've outlawed the one substance that every. If you're a carnivore, if you're an herbivore, if you're omnivore, if you're human, if you're. If you're a. If you're reptilian, if you're an insect, if you're rodentia. And it does not matter. We all have agreed on peanut butter, right? There's.

[Tom Kenny]

There.

[Brian Bishop]

There's certain. You know, it's. It's like my dog will not eat zucchini. She likes. She likes meat. But then there are animals that eat. Eat leaves that aren't going to eat zebra. But we've all agreed on peanut butter. I. I would love to find the one animal that does not eat peanut butter. You find me that animal, I'll give you $100 right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Excluding hyperallergic people.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. And yes, that's what. That's what we have. But she put the peanut butter on

[Adam Carolla]

down just a sidebar and. Peanut butter. Yes. I've never slept with a virgin.

[Brian Bishop]

Me neither.

[Adam Carolla]

But I love to pop the seal on a new jif.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah?

[Allison Rosen]

What do you pop it with?

[Adam Carolla]

That must be what. It's.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, It's. Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that your instrument of choice for popping it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I just.

[Allison Rosen]

The other jab.

[Brian Bishop]

I like the extra. Here you go, kids.

[Guest/Caller]

It's almost the same thing. It's almost exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I imagine.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I like the extra H. So

[Adam Carolla]

speaking of peanut butter down mice.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of young chicks, I was driving in here tonight and I saw the Forever 21 store, which I've seen a million times, and I've never really thought about it. But if I were forever 21. If I was just 21, forever, do you know how drunk I would be? I would never stop vomiting. Eventually, my liver would just explode and I would die. I was drunk at least nine months out of my 21. That. That one year, every mall should have

[Adam Carolla]

two stores for the two types of women we now make forever 21 and forever 210.

[Tom Kenny]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Because there seems to be nothing in between anymore.

[Giovanni]

My.

[Brian Bishop]

My favorite place for the heavyset chick. I don't mind. Elaine Bryant. That's fine. Evidently, she. I'd like to see her square off with Jenny Craig one day. Like, all right. Hey, I'll steamroll your ass. You're killing my business, cunt. You know what I mean? Think about it. You're taking buyer, taking money out of my huge fat ass wallet that I keep my oversized dungarees. There was a place in Beverly Hills across from the William Morris Agency back in the day called the Forgotten Woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought, wow, that is the saddest name for a fat chick store.

[Adam Carolla]

And you would think, you would think it would be a dildo store.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it should be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just dildo and dildos and Haagen Dazs.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

These are a few of my favorite things.

[Brian Bishop]

I, I always. And, and I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Dildozin, ice dream and ass beads on strings. These are a few of my favorite things. When it gets late, when the light's off, when my boss is out of

[Brian Bishop]

town, I don't know how he's.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm singing a song about a lonely woman who's chronically masturbating.

[Brian Bishop]

I, I. And, and, you know, we have the, the, the, the male stores are like, big and tall. They're not fat and tall. And we have Portly, which is a great name that's sort of gone the way the dodo. But I think the women don't have a nice euphemism for fat. I do not believe I was remembering that.

[Allison Rosen]

I used to hear big boned.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But it's like, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you look at Marilyn Monroe at her peak, like, by today's standards, right? She was a cow by today's FW standards.

[Brian Bishop]

No. When Christina Aguilera gets within 20 pounds of where Marilyn Monroe was when she was the Kennedy family, people start writing ugly tweets about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's just like percentage above birth weight, Right. People get judgmental, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

I think the euphemism euphemism now is

[Brian Bishop]

plus size, plus size, plus size. I wanted, you know, my dream is to just open a big and tall store for men called Big Sir. And there's a huge sequoia tree, big fiberglass sequoia tree on the roof that lets everyone know that's a bar at

[Adam Carolla]

Santa Monica and Doheny, unfortunately. And the name is, the name has gone now. What happened with it now? Do you, do you have the mice? Is there, is your house now Mouse Hunt? Is it like the Nathan Lane film Mouse Hunt? It is soon to be the Broadway musical Mouse Hunt.

[Brian Bishop]

I, I am now scared to do that thing where I go into the kitchen and turn the light on because I'm scared something will scamper. I It was a hole leading from the underside of the house. I had filled it with expanding foam. So my first thought was, wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Regrettably, cheese flavored.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, that's the problem.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's no wonder they're out of business. They should have never. They should.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought guerre was the name of the company.

[Brian Bishop]

Cheese Whiz and Hilty should have never formed a company. Dumb old you. Builders will. Will know what I'm talking about. But the. The problem with Rodentia evidently is I built the cabinet. I built the exhaust fan and drilled the hole and did the whole thing that went into the bottom of the house. So I started thinking, wait a minute. I wouldn't have done this and left enough room for vermin to get up in here. And I didn't. I put the expanding foam in there. But the problem with the vermin is they're constantly sharpening their teeth and. And so they can just eat through anything and expanding foam. They laugh at expanding foam. They're like, are you fucking kidding me? I make short work of chicken wire. You're handing me this.

[Adam Carolla]

This is blocking us with a cloud.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a fucking croissant, you douchebag. I warm up with this shit where I work up to sheet metal. This is nothing. It's like avocado.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I chew. I chew through particle board and CDX plywood. This is fucking nothing. I'm insulted by this. So it evidently chewed its way through my expanding foam and made its way into this place. By the way, here's how much cooking my wife does. This has probably gone on for years. She'd never opened the cupboard down there. It contains pots and pans and things like that.

[Guest/Caller]

Yes, Brad, what would freak you out more? Opening, turning on the light, seeing something scamper across or turning on the light

[Allison Rosen]

and discovering I'm finding Lynette cooking.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow.

[Guest/Caller]

What would freak you out more?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Lynette was cooking. I'd have to go into the basement and look for the pod. You know,

[Allison Rosen]

find the real.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, that. That would be. I would know. Either I'd either go look for the pod or I knew that I had some sort of terminal cancer. Like that would be one or the other. Either way, it'd be a scary moment for me. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to live in Laurel Canyon with a bunch of people in a house, and the house came with a cat. Like there was a cat there, just

[Brian Bishop]

kind of all right.

[Adam Carolla]

And it wasn't even. It was an odd looking at, like a bad eye. I had a We call it booch. Cuz it had a boochy eye like a milky eye. Didn't really meow. It just had like.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It might have a goblin.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But one night, cat like this cat like me, apparently. I'm coming home one night and I'm gonna come home from the show and I'm gonna get on the bed, I got a T shirt, a couple things on the bed, and I decided I'll just move my T shirt. Which is amazing that I did.

[Advertisement Voice]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Because normally just get on the bed and the T shirt moves.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the T shirt moves.

[Adam Carolla]

So I go, okay. And like I, it's like in a car accident, you don't freak out at the moment, you freak out later.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

The cat has left me something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm thinking maybe a mole.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Or a newt.

[Advertisement Voice]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I throw a towel over the T shirt for double protection. So I can't feel the actual physicality of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Take it downstairs out front.

[Guest/Caller]

Rat.

[Tom Kenny]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you then did you move right

[Adam Carolla]

away not sleep that night?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

At all?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. I, I, I don't, I know. There's that thing on the bed, by

[Adam Carolla]

the way, gotten bitten by a rat.

[Allison Rosen]

And we're supposed to thank cats for being so great.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean? I want to say this about cats, which is it? Because though I thought the whole thing was you were lazy and aloof.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Why are you bringing your trophies in for me to praise? Because they're all.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a food offering. I honestly think it's, I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

But when do they give a about you? That's my whole thing about cats, like everyone says. Well, the whole thing about cats is they don't give a fuck about you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. Which I say you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah,

[Adam Carolla]

but, but we, it's, it's constantly ascribing human, human affectation and human personality traits to your animals.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is exemplified by this story as the. We have. We have four dogs. And now regrettably.

[Brian Bishop]

What part of China you get them from?

[Adam Carolla]

We got those from up north.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

The supermarket.

[Adam Carolla]

We have. For now. We have, we have. Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Liberated.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're km.

[Tom Kenny]

Old times.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

No, and now we have three dogs. One of our dogs, one of our faithful, Molly. Molly is 15, I think now, really. And just living to looks younger every day.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Just to scare us. But we had a big dog who went to dog heaven quite recently.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not, not a good day. And so they come to your house now to like, you can have them come in and they do it there.

[Podcast Host]

You don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they put your dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Down. Yeah. This is a terrible Irish.

[Giovanni]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

They euthanize your.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a terrible area for comedy.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's just to the backyard. You hear the single pump from the shop.

[Adam Carolla]

They come in very quietly dragging a sledgehammer.

[Brian Bishop]

It's gonna be fun.

[Allison Rosen]

They put down two pillows so they won't feel the body. Two towels.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the last dog that I had to bring to the, that I brought to the place and I.

[Brian Bishop]

They come to your house and put your dog down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

What do they call this service? What do they call this service?

[Adam Carolla]

I will, I'll give her a free plug. It's a serenity veterinary care in la. And they're. They're wonderful.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. And was. So they come to your home.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Everyone's crying.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

This is their job every day, right. Coming to people's homes. Everyone's crying.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you what, Dana, though, I, I, I, I gotta, I got a way for you to make lemonade out of this experience.

[Adam Carolla]

When the most succulent meatballs.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Done.

[Brian Bishop]

When you're, when your daughters are there asking, what is going on? What's the dog's name?

[Tom Kenny]

Is it.

[Adam Carolla]

It was Bella.

[Brian Bishop]

It was Bella. Well, you go. Well, Bella didn't clean up her room, so, yeah, this is what happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Bella kept wanting me to read to her after she'd already been read to.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. We put Bella to bed and then she kept getting out of bed and interrupting daddy's session.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, this is what happened.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, honey. I just thought that over the years, Bella lost a little juz.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. So this is how it goes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we were told. You know, it's a horrible. Well, the last time our other years ago, when one of our other dogs died, I went to the place with.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I ask this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, you know when you have a dentist, every six months you get that postcard with Mrs. Toothbrush chasing Mr. Tooth, you know, because we're all retarded for your old sort of comes in like have a stack for the learning disabled children and then have one for the adults who go there.

[Giovanni]

They just go.

[Adam Carolla]

And just as a sidebar. Are you really going to tell me how to floss again?

[Tom Kenny]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we stop this, please?

[Brian Bishop]

By the way?

[Joel McHale]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

You have to do it in a mirror that's shaped like a Tooth.

[Brian Bishop]

And here's the deal. When the bank sends me a letter saying that I'm late on a mortgage payment, it doesn't show picture of my house pouting. It just, it just says, you're late. I, I, I, I'm an adult. I can you say it's time to get my teeth cleaned. I'll come in. I don't have to have the upset tooth.

[Adam Carolla]

Your house getting pimped out by a banker dressed in a purple suit.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So how do these people advertise? And do you get something like every six months? Like, how's Bella doing? Not well.

[Adam Carolla]

How's she doing?

[Brian Bishop]

Not well.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't help noticing she's walking.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll do a free evaluation if you like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, she was. Bella. Last summer, Bella had brain surgery. She had a tumor removed. And then so, and then we basically had her. She lived her whole life. The last year, we had to buy back from the Grim Reaper.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

How, how much do you think that cost you? Because you have the cash register.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Thing there. Because I've had the same thing with my dog, which is, it's All I hear is my wife says, all right. We got the lab results in for, from, for Molly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This all I hear, by the way, she has cancer in her ear. It's against all here. They, they think they can save part of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good.

[Brian Bishop]

No guarantees. It's going to be a pretty. Well, the veterinarian called it an involved surgery, and it can't be done on, on premises. And there's going to be a lot of medication afterward. It's like.

[Guest/Caller]

That's all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly. Now I know why your mortgage was late.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, it was, it was, it was astounding. But I, it was my dog and I, I had her for 14 years.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, and so it came to that. So, so they, the, the, the, you know, and I, they'll, we've been dealing with her.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that a. Oh, wait, you have a picture of Bella.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Bella after her surgery.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

She will know it grew back. And she looked.

[Brian Bishop]

Their hair grew back.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That was like. She looks like Frankenstein and the Wolfman. That's what I love about that book, friend. I can't look at her.

[Advertisement Voice]

I'll cry.

[Brian Bishop]

So every, so they came to put the dog down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So we, they call and they come in and our dog walker, who's wonderful, said, when this happens, when she's gone, you have to bring out the other dogs because we have three smaller dogs and let them See what has happened and. And everybody's a wreck.

[Allison Rosen]

You had a dog wake.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what we were hoping. That's what we were hoping on. So it's just me and my wife. We. The kids went upstairs for the. For the. It's a two shot.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I explain something, though? The dog walker is not an expert on dogs. The dog walker's an expert on hating their stepdad, dropping out of a JC and being strung out on methadone. They're not expert. There's some jobs where you're not good at anything, you're bad at everything else, and thus you become a dog walker. But you're never really. No one leaves high school going, I shall walk dogs.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. I want to walk six dogs on leashes, and then I want two to run alongside even though they're not on leashes.

[Brian Bishop]

And as I've learned from every rom com, the only place to walk a dog is Manhattan, because you'll be dragged into a super good looking bachelor.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not. A lot of them start the conversation. You're probably wondering why I left aerospace.

[Giovanni]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Allison Rosen]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

So we send the kids out.

[Brian Bishop]

The dog walker said to have the other three dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then we. And then so the kids come down and it's. It's. It's horrifying. And, you know, one time I was handing over another dog, an earlier former dog, to the person at the animal after care facility, and I didn't start crying until.

[Allison Rosen]

ASPCA is flagging you right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know it's where you go. And I had to. And I didn't start crying until I gave him away. And then the woman goes, sir, it's all right. This happens every day.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do you work here? What is wrong with you?

[Adam Carolla]

What did you tell your guidance counselor? I really like sad people, but I want to be around a lot of dead animals. Well, you got your wish. Congratulations, Dr. Frankenstein. So we bring out the other animals and we literally think they're gonna come out like Disney ish. They're gonna sit with their heads bowed.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Bluebirds are gonna fly in and lay flowers down. No, they just walk in like. Somebody laughs. Oh, is there a sock around here? What's going on? Hey, let me step over the dead dog. Oh, you didn't. Yeah, and the dead dog didn't need all this because I made her a big steak, you know, like.

[Giovanni]

Oh, you did?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I gave her. I made her a big steak. And. And the other dog's like, who had steak?

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I smell steak.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And then.

[Adam Carolla]

And then our Molly went upstairs to our bedroom and took a big piss on her pillow.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like she was upset.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like. No, it's like mine now, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, blamed it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like a canine. Whatever happened to Baby Jane at my

[Brian Bishop]

house, if I wasn't dead.

[Adam Carolla]

But you are, Bella.

[Brian Bishop]

You are now. Now, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm very interested in the service.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, because. But here's the crutch. Just so. Because today I get the call and they leave. Then they go. They. We took them. Took her out and put her in the car.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they. All right, so once they come in and administer. Yeah, this. They use a giant pillow or tree.

[Adam Carolla]

Shots. Two shots. Two shots. You've never done this.

[Brian Bishop]

I had to put my cat down once and I. Again, I was.

[Advertisement Voice]

I was.

[Brian Bishop]

I was a heap. I was. I was a heap. I've always thought it'd be funny. I don't know why. I always wanted to do a hidden camera bit where. That moment, you know, where they go. My cat's name was Kitty, and they did that thing where they go, you're gonna have a few moments alone in the room with the cat, and then we'll come in and, you know, take care of things. And you do that. Well, then as soon as the door closes, that's when you turn into a heap. I've always wanted just to hang out at the vet and walk into the room. Hi, I didn't know your dog, but I am a dog lover. I'm a fan. And if I could just cry with you. Yeah, it'd be great. We just sort of hook arms here. And. What's the dog's name?

[Adam Carolla]

Bella.

[Brian Bishop]

Bella. I love Bella. She looks sweet. I didn't know her, but she's a sweet, sweet girl.

[Tom Kenny]

Just.

[Brian Bishop]

And then shed a few tears and just stand there with you making the whole thing wildly uncomfortable. But, yes, I broke down when. When my. When my cat Kitty died. I never had dogs growing up because my parents are too fucking cheap and selfish, but I did. Here's how you know, you should just fucking call to life. I wanted a dog my entire life.

[Adam Carolla]

If. If somebody could get my phone in there, I can email you a good picture of her. Now, I feel, because the only photo you saw of it was so ghastly.

[Brian Bishop]

I. I wanted a dog my entire life. And my parents, like I said, too cheap and too selfish to ever get a dog, because why would you feed something and clean it up? Just.

[Allison Rosen]

They didn't even want two kids.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they barely wanted. Yeah, it's the same.

[Adam Carolla]

You just described babies they didn't want.

[Brian Bishop]

My sister, forget about a dog. So at some point when I was like 33 and I was living alone and I was living in a nice house in Hollywood, I was making money and I was doing the man show and I like, it just struck me, I was like, wait a minute, you live in a house, you have a fence, you make money. You've always wanted that little German shepherd puppy. Go get it. Don't let your parents. Weird kind of fog hang over your entire life. You want a puppy? Get a puppy. I got a German shepherd puppy. It, I got about four or five months, I trained it and it died at seven months. And oh, oh, and I named it after my beloved dead grandfather, Lotsy. And it died. It never saw its. Never saw its eight month birthday. So that, that's, that's what happened with me and my dog. So that dog just died, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

I killed him with a fireplace poker. It wouldn't shut up.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I was tragic.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta sleep. I'm gonna do comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

My father shot my dog when I was nine.

[Giovanni]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was a. He was a bird dog. He was a hunting dog. And the story is, we know he

[Brian Bishop]

didn't just like a lot of. And you were making. You euphemistically called him a bird dog. We understand where Sandy hunted. You don't have to do that with dogs. You have to deal with like co workers.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy, yeah, he was a real bird dog and apparently got into a fight with a badger or something and got really fucked up and my dad just shot it. But since then, it's one of those things like, you know, when I'm nine, you don't even. And you know, it was when my brother came home and my mother told him what had happened and my mother said that he was inconsolable until I came home when he ran to tell me dad shot Snoopy.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Just like the Super Joy and me

[Adam Carolla]

crying, but as we go.

[Brian Bishop]

How much do they charge, by the way? The.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the funny story that just happened today because this, this is a recent story.

[Brian Bishop]

The Grim Bowser. How much they leave.

[Adam Carolla]

They leave and they say, you know, well, we'll talk. And then they call back, stay with the, with the. You know, it's like, here's how much it is. And I thought, well, and what? There she is.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there, there's a good bit. That's. That's Bella in her prime. That's the way she would have wanted to be. Be remembered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That's dignified.

[Adam Carolla]

That's her actually thinking. If you're wondering what she's thinking. I'm going to build schools and hospitals.

[Brian Bishop]

She's going through an Oprah phase.

[Adam Carolla]

She was the guy. She was. She was the. She was the best. She was the greatest. And. But the doctor calls and she's like, well, it's X amount of money. And I'm like. And my motivation to pay now, right, is what?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What happens if I don't? Do you resuscitate her?

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I can reanimate rotted for a

[Adam Carolla]

couple of days, so she's like a zombie. Scoop raise.

[Brian Bishop]

Real me. Well. Well, what? And couple hundred. A couple hundred bucks. And then. And then what do you do with the remains of it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they're not remains.

[Brian Bishop]

Viking funeral in the pool.

[Adam Carolla]

You get the. Well, you get them this. I found out the last time when I. When I went to the place of the other dog was, where would you like the Croines?

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Craisins.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. They take. Do they take the dog, then they take the dog.

[Adam Carolla]

You. I. I took the dog out and. And then actually tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

So they literally. It's the one time when someone says, we need a doggy bag where they actually. They actually mean it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't do it up like a swan or anything, do they? Like at a nice place.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's hoping. And then you get. You get the. You get the stuff. You get a little container.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they give you. They give you.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not really. Are you cynical? Are you like, this is probably Bella plus Fido plus coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't afford that. I can't afford that thought.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't afford that thought. And then you. We bury it up in.

[Brian Bishop]

So they take. They take it with them.

[Adam Carolla]

And our. And our.

[Brian Bishop]

Our.

[Adam Carolla]

Our husky was Mr. Dana. Where. Where you put Bella and I go, well, we're gonna bury her up in the yard with Petey. Our other. You're not having a house. No, I don't want my dead dog in the house.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't want the urn.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, people have their grandfather and an urn on the man piece. I don'. Whatever happens to you. I don't believe in funeral. In. In. I don't believe in not getting cremated. There's really no. Like, that is just the height of like, save me as much as you can.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You might need me after.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to be Pumped full of formaldehyde. I want my nicest suit on. Don't skimp on the base. I want to look good.

[Guest/Caller]

Makeup.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like you're gonna fool anybody.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no such thing as. No one has ever said that corpse is too tan. So let's go heavy. Those. Those words have never been uttered. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ, this is getting sad.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm so sad.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so sad. I can bank back to my daughter taking a hard dump.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like we should do a little.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll leave on the. I'll leave on a joke.

[Allison Rosen]

Joke.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Okay, here's the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm very at peace because I know you saw she's an angel. That Bella is in dog heaven. I have no belief at all in people heaven. I have every belief in dog heaven.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you have to for the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no cat heaven. No, no, there's no cat heaven. There's only cat hell.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. And they're all there. No one escapes it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's called dog heaven.

[Brian Bishop]

Also, you think about. We're talking about this the other day. Hell. At least when you watch these movies and they, you know, depict hell, they have to have things like the hounds of Hell, you know, I mean, so there has to be a cerebral cerebrus. Yeah, that's a couple of rottweilers that took a wrong turn along the way and did a little too much beating off or in the Lord's name in vain or something.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What does a dog do to go to hell?

[Brian Bishop]

Covet this neighbor's oxen a little too much and. And try to fuck it once like never again. But the point is, is if you're in hell, this is what we're talking about on stage a few months back when we were saying, like, whenever the guys that are, you know, the Shiite Muslims are Talking about the 72 virgins up there, what did they do to get up there and be fucked by a guy who looks like Ron Jeremy with a bad accent for the rest of eternity?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, hey, I saved. I saved myself for this.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm a 13 year old who bought it in a moped accident to Crete and I gotta get by terrorists for the rest of my life? What the kind of deal is this?

[Adam Carolla]

Also, if the whole premise of being a martyr is to go to heaven and 72 virgins.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Sign me up.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? 911 is proof that men will do anything for post.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, that's like. That's a martyr. Is this also just About Pussy martyr is you go to an endless mall with your wife that has no food court, and all you do is fucking follow her around while she's there.

[Adam Carolla]

A wonderful practical joke where they get up there and God goes, now you are probably wondering why they're still virgins. Bring them out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And they're mess. That's right. Or maybe it's one of those.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just Rosie o' Donnell and Joy Behar.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe it's one of those scams, like, every. Every once in a while, like when they call deadbeat dads and they go, hey, you got free Raiders tickets? And they go, oh, great, where do I collect now? Come on down to the sheriff's station. You get your free. Free Raiders tickets.

[Joel McHale]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, maybe it's one of the scams. I never thought about it.

[Joel McHale]

How does.

[Allison Rosen]

How does the 72 thing work, though? Like, do you have literally an eternity to wend your way through the 72? And I don't mean to call it.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody wants sloppy seventy thirds, right?

[Allison Rosen]

How many could you really get through before you get tired of it?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, a couple of things. First off, I think the 72 is one of those things. It's like when the plumber comes to. To your house, snakes the drain out, but he's only been there, like, 25 minutes, and then he hits you with a bill that's $263.41. If he just said, Give me $300, you'd go, you. You dropped out of high school and you were here for 20 minutes. But if he says 271, 42, you go, oh, he must be something he did with parts and labor. Like, it put some writing. So if somebody said, ah, you get 100 virgins. Come on, don't with that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it is.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the 72. Ooh, 72.

[Adam Carolla]

The specificity of it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

You've never slept with a virgin?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I've never slept with a virgin.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't know from experience, but knowing the process, knowing what happens, I assume it's just 72 nights of ow,

[Brian Bishop]

ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to have to tell my parents I was riding a horse.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of that.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta get out of here. Yeah, my brother's downstairs.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of that. And.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Brian Bishop]

And then once you nail one. No. Are you my boyfriend now?

[Adam Carolla]

72 girls. Are you my boyfriend now?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you start talking about you just

[Adam Carolla]

blew up a Humvee. Now you're my boyfriend now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. She's talking about the Sadie Hawkins dance.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I love you. Oh, Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

I just.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen.

[Adam Carolla]

I blew up a Homie base. I just want to. A lot of Virginia. Now you're my boyfriend now?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. She's never even heard. She doesn't know who Steely Dan is. You're like, huh? We have nothing to talk about.

[Allison Rosen]

72. Needy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, the.

[Brian Bishop]

The TV show.

[Adam Carolla]

Batman before the movies.

[Brian Bishop]

I know it was a TV show.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Christ. The Batmobile was totally perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

God, what did you do to me? Punch the bottom of my stomach with a bag of nails.

[Brian Bishop]

I hate you. Don't leave.

[Adam Carolla]

I love you.

[Allison Rosen]

My parents want to meet you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's all Muhammad Attai hears every day. Oh, I'm in so much pain because of you. I love you.

[Brian Bishop]

She's writing in her hello Kitty diary. It's. Yeah, it's rather clingy. It's a disaster.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I get a bad tooth. I'm just telling you.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. The good news is you're. You're reunited with Bella. She's up there licking your balls while you're the virgin.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry. All right, let's do some news, shall we? Do some news.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you see the teeth on that dog?

[Brian Bishop]

Wouldn't let her near my O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, man. O'Reilly. Love these guys. Gonna get into it with O'Reilly because I got a car race coming up in about six or seven weeks since time for prep. You want to keep your car on the road, you do it with O'Reilly. There's not many issues I can't figure out, but if I can't, I always go to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online, so you never worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right? Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today, or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

[Giovanni]

Hello and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer Long Catch. Anchorman. The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Brian Bishop]

Fantastic.

[Giovanni]

The Matrix Trilogy.

[Joel McHale]

Welcome to the real world, Mean girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Shut up.

[Giovanni]

Titanic.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm the king of the world.

[Giovanni]

And so much more. For Showtime's press, nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[Adam Carolla]

That is so effective on Pluto TV stream.

[Giovanni]

Now pay. Never.

[Podcast Host]

All right, that was Dana Ghoul live on stage with the gang. Come up next, we have Adam car show up. So 9:30. Featuring legendary Tom Kenny, SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Show. Really talented dude. Along with Dave Damoshek, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2012.

[Brian Bishop]

Back with dear, dear, dear friend, Tom Kenny. Good to see you, Tom.

[Tom Kenny]

Hey, good to see you, brother.

[Brian Bishop]

Tom and I ran into each other in a little VO session just a couple of weeks ago with a good friend, Bobcat Goldthwaite.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes.

[Tom Kenny]

We were pimping some video game that had collectible figures attached to it.

[Brian Bishop]

I have. You know, I don't ask a lot of questions, and I don't sweat a lot of details. I just sort of show up.

[Tom Kenny]

Preach. I am the whore of Babylon myself.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. My high school nickname, by the way. Now, the name of Babylon.

[Tom Kenny]

You went to Babylon High.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of school, Tom and I did a. And you must get this a lot. You get roped into these, like, charity things. You talk for a living. Come on.

[Tom Kenny]

Yes. And for me, and I'm not intimidating like you. Like, people are probably a little scared of you. With me, it's like, hey, Mr. Nice Guy. Tom never says no to anything, so you wind up, like, overextended and pissed off all the time, but you can't show it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that's me. Oh, you. And I see, for me, wasn't even my kids. It was my sister's kids.

[Guest/Caller]

Oh, right.

[Brian Bishop]

So I'm at someone else's school doing this shit, getting tickets. It's always a raffle. It's always a fundraiser. And first off, a couple things. So it's, you know, five years ago, and Tom and I are at some lily white school in the hills of Malibu and, like, a circular driveway and a principal that comes out and high fives. Everyone gets out of their Range Rover. And we're standing there on stage going, look, we need money. And I'm like, I'm literally set. At some point, some of these people only have two or three laptop computers. And. No, you kept talking about, these kids are at risk. They're at risk. You get used to that risk. Well, what they're doing, what they should knock off, is behind us, is a slideshow going on of these Kids riding horses, rappelling and punt, pass and kick competitions, you know, designing software, you know, in stop motion, green screen things. Behind them filming Nike commercials. And I'm like, okay, stop showing the lily white kids out riding the Arabian horses because I'm asking for money. I want to see a black face and a little inner city and a latch and a key. If I'm asking for fucking money.

[Joel McHale]

We're at Richie Rich High.

[Tom Kenny]

We need your help.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Tom Kenny]

That was hilarious. And Spade bailed, of course.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you leading up to that? Yeah, I'm leading up to the point where they go. Because he was there too. It's David Spade, it's Tom Kenny, it's Adam Carolly. You guys are all gonna get up there and you're gonna raffle off some stuff and it's gonna be really fun. And the first thing they do is they give you 122 things to raffle off. And a lot of it is just like Mrs. Martin's class built this decoupage owl and you're like, jesus Christ. We'll start at what, a kick in my groin?

[Adam Carolla]

What are we gonna start?

[Tom Kenny]

A basket of handmade soaps?

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right. That's what sand soaps. So Spade. Spade goes up on stage with us, lasts about two items and then just bug. It all just leaves. Yeah, that was like, you know, there

[Tom Kenny]

was like a cutout in the wall shaped like him.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, he just like. He just blew. I've never seen a guy with. I mean, he. It's weird because there's that feeling of once you commit to it and you're up on stage and you're holding a microphone and you're auctioning shit off, you're just. You may be miserable, but you're just there.

[Tom Kenny]

That's a blue collar mentality.

[Guest/Caller]

Right?

[Tom Kenny]

And not everybody has that.

[Brian Bishop]

Spade was like, I thought I'd be fucking a sixth grader by now. And that clearly isn't happening, at least

[Allison Rosen]

not from this stage.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm getting out of here.

[Tom Kenny]

And you mercilessly hammered him from stage

[Brian Bishop]

the whole rest of the night, where he did like seven minutes and then went, ah, it. See you losers later. And he left. And he was just like, this isn't

[Joel McHale]

going to get any better.

[Allison Rosen]

Figure out what had happened. I mean, did he. He, I imagine announced that he was leaving?

[Brian Bishop]

No, he didn't announce it. He just let his feet do the talk.

[Tom Kenny]

He just kind of like, just kind of, kind of snuck off like dirt.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

Thank you.

[Tom Kenny]

That's known as the kegel. Right? The Kegel and Barbera sound effects land.

[Brian Bishop]

He took off.

[Tom Kenny]

Yeah. Not the thing that pregnant women do.

[Brian Bishop]

And he left Tom and I up there to mop up for the next 2 hours and 45 minutes.

[Tom Kenny]

I was there. You were there because of your sister.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Tom Kenny]

In, you know, in, you know, fairness. I was not there because she hornswoggled me. I was there because Wendy Malik, who has the same agent as me, hornswoggled me. So we were hornswoggled from different points of the compass.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But either way, you didn't have any skin in the game and neither did I.

[Giovanni]

Right?

[Joel McHale]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

And everyone was blond haired, rich, blue eyed. And like I said, the computer lab only had a second story and they needed a third story on the computer lab.

[Tom Kenny]

Like, it was like the Wagner Unified School District.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Tom Kenny]

It was unreal.

[Brian Bishop]

Showing people in just riding uniforms. And it's a weird thing because you're trying to show this collage of these kids out doing, you know, here's how wonderful a star.

[Tom Kenny]

This is what your money is going to. This, this and this.

[Brian Bishop]

They need job, purse, right? Yeah, yeah, somebody. Right? That's what it.

[Guest/Caller]

That's what it was.

[Tom Kenny]

Only have one horse.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Tom Kenny]

You just kept hammering them the entire evening as being, like, entitled little.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, fuck, what the hell are we supposed to do? I mean. And also, again, I remember it as

[Tom Kenny]

being pretty fun, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you?

[Tom Kenny]

Do you remember it as being miserable every time? I remember leaving there going, ah, that was pretty fun. Sometimes that stuff blows. And this was actually. I got some laughs out of it and something to lay into Spade for. For like the whole rest of every time I see him for the next 25 years.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, dude, remember that time we just took off on the.

[Tom Kenny]

Adam and I were left holding the bag while we raised money for the children.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Well, it was tough because it was like, deep in the hills of Topanga Malibu. So for me, everything's about proximity. And it was a haul. And it was also like a Friday night. So it was like the haul on the Friday night was that weekend is kind of. Kind of shot. And again, you know, no skin in the game. I mean, I have my nephews who went there, but everybody was doing exceedingly well because you didn't even know the school existed. It seemed like a summer camp, you know, that is sort of nestled up in the Malibu hills.

[Tom Kenny]

My mom was out visiting me and she came with me to that. So she was just glad that there was, like a buffet that she could go through twice, you know, she was just thrilled.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was a Pretty good chow. So Tom, by the way, Frankenweenie, you guys know the movie? It's out as we speak. Tim Burton directs it. How is taking direction from Tim Burton and how much of the voice actors does he do? How involved is he on that?

[Tom Kenny]

You know, really involved. And at the risk of sounding boring, I wish I had better dirt on him. He was fantastic. Like, I can actually say I've never been treated better on any production. You know, they were, they were fantastic. So, you know, he was in London, so I was directed via Skype. You know, he was kind of this disembodied head on a screen. And so it was kind of like weird in it in a very Tim Burtonish way. And, you know, after a few sessions, I realized why I was there. Really, like, you know, it's like, you know, because I was basically kind of additional voices. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Tom Kenny]

You know, you know townsperson number 57.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, the windmill's on fire.

[Tom Kenny]

Great, right, Tom?

[Joel McHale]

That's great.

[Tom Kenny]

And I realized that the reason I was there was that one of, one of the actors, Atticus Schaefer, who I believe is on the middle, he's like one of the kids on the show. The middle he plays shows good.

[Brian Bishop]

It is, it is good.

[Tom Kenny]

He plays a character called Edgar in the movie and he's like a, like almost like a, you know, like a Peter Laurie esque character. And Tim Burton kept saying, you know, Atticus, can you do, you know, just more Peter Lorre, more of a Peter

[Brian Bishop]

Lord in the accent.

[Tom Kenny]

And Atticus is going, I'm 14, you

[Brian Bishop]

know, I don't know who Peter Laurie is.

[Tom Kenny]

So then you go, tom, just read the line as Peter Lorre would do it. And then Atticus, you just do it a few times after. Tom. As Peter Lorre would do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Tom, do that entire exchange now. And all the voices, which of course I'm happy to do, please. So, you know, because, no, I'm saying to you now, Tom Kinney, do all the. We're in the real world now. You just, you just expressed.

[Tom Kenny]

Yeah, just, you know, you know, I know your secret, Victor. I know why you're doing it. I. I know why. You know what? I think I know.

[Brian Bishop]

And they go, okay, now, Peter Laurie, Tim Burton. That was Chuck Lorre. That was Chuck Lorre. Chuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Back in two and two. That's Chuck Woolery. Oh, sorry, Chuck Lorry's Two and a Half Men, isn't it? Oh, fuck, I can't.

[Tom Kenny]

Come on, man. I just turned 52, so I feel You're. I can't pull up the references like I used to.

[Brian Bishop]

And I also. It's not, it's not, it's not only hurt you, not only brain going, but it's. There's too much shit out there like there used to be, right? Hey, that guy's driving a Ford Mustang and this guy's got a Chevy Impala. And now there's the Mazda RX3, not to be confused with the RX8, not to be confused with the Mercedes E35. And it's like, you think about, like I'm a car guy and I used to knew, I used to know every car. Now it's like, is the Lexus, is, is that the fucking mid sized one or is that the car company?

[Tom Kenny]

There wasn't as much.

[Brian Bishop]

There's like every car company has 15 cars and they're all either the ex, the is the RS, the RY, the RX 350, 400, whatever, and it's your fucking head starts swimming.

[Tom Kenny]

Well, my kid turns 15 tomorrow, my older kid. And you know, watching him, I was remembering with great, you know, nostalgia that time in your life where you don't have any responsibilities except not totally flunking out in school and just obsessing about the shit that you're obsessive about. The bands that you're into, the girl that you're into, the, you know, whatever comic book or TV series or sports team or whatever that you're into.

[Allison Rosen]

And the irony is that at that age though, everything feels more life and death than it does when you get older.

[Tom Kenny]

And it kind of is, you know, because I remember that too. And ironically, you know, Bobcat and I have talked about this. Like all that stuff that you were obsessive about at that age is the only fucking reason that him and I make a working wage in the real world doing anything. You know, like the reason that we're not living in a cardboard box under a bridge is this stuff that you obsessed about when you were 14, 15, 16, 17 years old. You know, stand up, Mel Blanc, the Cramps, the Ramones, whatever, whatever it is, it all goes into the hopper. And that's the stuff that enables you to make a living as a alleged grownup.

[Brian Bishop]

So Peter Laurie, Tim Burton, and Atticus, whatever his last name is, what did that exchange sound like?

[Guest/Caller]

There we go.

[Brian Bishop]

I want Tim saying, do the Peter and then explaining

[Tom Kenny]

Tim is very soft spoken, you know, and you know, I felt you.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm all ears.

[Tom Kenny]

I felt uniquely qualified to speak to him, having been declared dead on Twitter. Like, just like, you know, a couple of days before I was doing these sessions. So, you know, he tries to look like he's dead and I actually have died.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm all ears.

[Guest/Caller]

You know what I don't hear, I

[Tom Kenny]

don't remember the sessions.

[Guest/Caller]

I don't hear Tim Burton.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, I'm not gonna check it against the transcripts. I want to hear some Tim Burton. Going into Peter Lorre.

[Tom Kenny]

There really isn't any Tim Burton there. He's just very, very, very quiet. Tom, could you do a little more Peter Laurie?

[Allison Rosen]

Ish.

[Brian Bishop]

That's it, that's it. All right, now I'm a little Peter Lori and some Tom.

[Tom Kenny]

You are putting me through my paces.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's, you know, you got to dance.

[Tom Kenny]

I might do the seventh shittiest Peter Lorre that you have ever heard in your life, but I sound more like Peter lorre than the 14 year old kid does.

[Advertisement Voice]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

So, you know, so you ended up coaching.

[Tom Kenny]

Well, you wind up, you know, and they were very grateful for that because I guess, you know, a lot of, a lot of name actors will go, what? No, I got another thing. I got something else. How much I have no life or family.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like it's God, you know, it's like athletics. You have to have the God given talent and then you have to work on it and you've done both. When it comes to voice, I think

[Tom Kenny]

God looked down at me and said, hey, this guy's gonna do a passable but no better Peter Lorre.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And that's what I said. Brushed by God. Not touched. Yeah, not touched. Just sort of walked past, you're in line at the ATM and he backed into you and it was a weird moment. Sorry, sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

Rear ended by God. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. So. But can you coach up somebody to do a voice? Like, can you get somebody to do a spongebob who can't do a spongebob? And have you ever tried to coach

[Tom Kenny]

a. I think this is a new reality show that you can pitch under

[Joel McHale]

the Corolla Productions band, you know, Will

[Tom Kenny]

you be the next cartoon star?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Tom Kenny]

We're starting out with 14 contestants.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I guess you can.

[Tom Kenny]

Cause it's, it's like stand up or anything. It's not rocket science. Right. And you know, I always said, you know, with stand up, which I haven't done since the early 90s, but all you need is 15, 20 good minutes and you can be in clubs and emcee in and doing stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Tom Kenny]

For people.

[Allison Rosen]

So.

[Tom Kenny]

And most people have a good. 10, 15 minutes in their life if you talk to them and interview them and go, hey, did anything funny ever happen to you? What's the shittiest job you ever had?

[Joel McHale]

Right.

[Tom Kenny]

So, you know, I guess to some degree people are coachable, right? Because it's not that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but can you coach a voice out of somebody? Is what I'm asking.

[Tom Kenny]

You mean a voice that's not theirs?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Because I mean, I don't mean there's

[Tom Kenny]

celebrity voiceover where it's gonna, you know, you're Brad Pitt and your, your job is to sound as much like Brad Pitt.

[Brian Bishop]

Hanging around with the gays in Hollywood too long. When I'm talking about a voice, I mean a voice, not an inner voice.

[Tom Kenny]

Yeah, you know, I think you probably can. I mean, people are always asking me,

[Brian Bishop]

hey, you know, dude, you get Peter Lorre's voice out of Atticus? I think I did.

[Tom Kenny]

I think, I think his performance is really good. And a lot of it is just being physical and just, you know, he's. He's a very good actor. Anyway, as you fans of the Middle

[Brian Bishop]

would know, it is, like I said, it's a quietly. One of the best comedies on tv. Kind of sneaks up on you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great.

[Brian Bishop]

Doesn't push that hard. Yeah, but it's a funny, funny show.

[Guest/Caller]

Real.

[Tom Kenny]

And it feels like. It feels like a lot of stuff that, that I grew up with and attitudes.

[Brian Bishop]

It feels like executives aren't involved.

[Joel McHale]

What's it about?

[Brian Bishop]

It's not about anything, really.

[Tom Kenny]

It's about mediocrity. It's about like being a really mediocre family, which is what we all.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just a sitcom, but it feels like a whole bunch of folks aren't involved, giving notes. You know what it feels like to me, it feels like the kind of show that once in a while a show slides by the radar of the network. And it's mostly like you're the coach and this guy is a walk on. And it's like. Or a super low draft pick and you don't really expect anything out of it. And you're doing someone a favor and it's kind of this will be one and done. So just leave him alone and let, Let them do what they want.

[Tom Kenny]

Let him have his moment.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And they went and did their thing and it's a good show, but it's not the one that has everyone's fingerprints on it because those shows always turn to shit.

[Tom Kenny]

Exactly. Too many cooks. Too many.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just quietly a good show. And it's starting, I think, to find an audience just because it's a good show.

[Tom Kenny]

Franken Mooney, struggling for the metaphor. Too many cooks, not enough Indians.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right.

[Tom Kenny]

Am I right?

[Brian Bishop]

You can lead the horse to water,

[Tom Kenny]

but don't beat them.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, by the way, get ready with the news. Allison Rose and it's a spongebob Christmas. A little stop motion animation.

[Tom Kenny]

Yeah, stop motion. Built around, if I may say, built around the song don't be a Jerk, It's Christmas that I think the earliest performance of was on this very podcast.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Tom Kenny]

Somebody from Nickelodeon saw us perform that on your podcast. A song called don't be a Jerk, It's Christmas that I wrote with Andy Paley. And they said, hey, let's. That might be fodder for a holiday special. So, you know, thank you again.

[Brian Bishop]

It's funny because when you say fodder, it's like a guy from Boston is calling a guy or you're still on fodder.

[Guest/Caller]

Yeah.

[Tom Kenny]

Hello, fodder.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm supremely flattered. It airs December on Nickelodeon. All right, let me give a little love to one of our sponsors, Evoice on the go. You queue up the news and we'll get the this party started. They got a toll free number. Answers and routes calls to your home, your office, or your cell. Well, if you're incarcerated. Cell phone.

[Tom Kenny]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

I knew it. Awesome. For the business person on the go. And we've all decided that's me. So if I just go in a very tight circle, I'm dizzy and I fall down, but I'm right back up again. And I dodged myself up. I pull myself up by my own jock straps. I wear two.

[Guest/Caller]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought I was gonna say boots.

[Guest/Caller]

One forward, one backwards, or one on top of each other.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what? I've said too much.

[Tom Kenny]

One for each of his penises.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Voicemails transcribed into easy to read emails or text message. I call screened automatically and service you can count on 24 live customer support. Or as we like to call it here, 2510. That's right, throw it on the go. Round it up. 24. 7 live customer support. Want to check it out? Click on the banner on AdamCroll.com and go to www.evoice.com Adam six months free www.evoice.com Adam Six month trial for free. All right, Allison Rosen, let's do some news, baby girl. The news with Allison Rosen. News from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Jerry Sandusky has been sentenced to 30 to 60 years in jail. He still maintains his innocence.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Says his wife has been his only sexual partner. And that was after marriage.

[Brian Bishop]

I hon, your cock smells like 11 year old boy again. That's nothing. That's just list on you keep moving, it was a dream. I like the guys who are confused. I like the guys that are like, I don't know what's going on. I've never touched anybody. And it's like, why am I being railroaded this way? There's part of your. There's that part you know. Cause we all know, you know, rich 67 year old white males are the guys who get fucking rail in positions of power. The guys who always get railroaded.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Tom Kenny]

Always get picked on.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I think what he's saying is once people realize that maybe Penn State would be implicated, then they got all these ideas and now they're coming after me because they want money. That's the implication.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's this thing. There's that part of you that always goes, man, I wonder if. And then you go, no, impossible. It could never work. If you're an adult male that is not attracted to young boys, you want nothing to do with them in any physical way when whatsoever. There'd never be a situation where it's, oh, we're just telling each other down, no big deal, you know, showering.

[Tom Kenny]

Come on into the bunk with me, Timmy.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Tom Kenny]

There's no hanky panky, just manly, doesn't exist. Companionship.

[Brian Bishop]

And I always love this one too. Like where their attorneys do the thing where it's like, hey, if this can happen to Jerry Sandusky, it can happen to anyone. Slippery slow key. Yeah, only if you shower with a baker's dozen of kids without pubes and then actually physically fondle them and have other people see you down there.

[Allison Rosen]

Also the argument, if it was true, what everyone is alleging, then how could he have possibly had time to do all the other stuff he did?

[Brian Bishop]

There's always times he would have booked up his whole schedule.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like jello. There's always such yellow. There's always time for.

[Guest/Caller]

Hey, Jerry, you break down the game film yet?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I was feeling up flat tire.

[Guest/Caller]

Really? It sounded like you were just confessing a heinous crime.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I wasn't. Look, some guys can't. There's other. I'm not one of these guys who doesn't look at game film because I'm feeling up an 11 year old in the shower.

[Guest/Caller]

Okay, that's a quite a leap from what I was asking. Just want to know the Ohio State

[Brian Bishop]

game film yet not one of these guys. It just rolls into the locker room after showering down with a Super hot nubile 12 year old and lathering each other up. That's not why I didn't get a chance to study this game film.

[Guest/Caller]

Okay, That's a bizarre non sequitur. I just want to know if you have the. You get back to me when you're done doing whatever it is you're doing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Let me tell you what this game's about. This game's about X's and oh no pubes.

[Tom Kenny]

Those guys are able to compartmentalize their brain, right? Like probably like in an OJ way. Like part of his brain says, you know those 12 kids are lying. They all got together, got their stories straight.

[Allison Rosen]

There's part of his small brain, thinks he's innocent.

[Tom Kenny]

Lizard brain.

[Brian Bishop]

I am now. I now understand as an adult that on a micro and macro level, I feel like there's whole countries that there's entire nations that believe there were no Jews in either one of those towers and stuff like that. I mean, obviously they're fucking idiots. But there are entire nations that do this. There are relationships that go this way. I've had people look me in the eye and tell me things that were completely wrong and I.

[Tom Kenny]

And they believed it when they were telling it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's funny. Nobody's a liar, but everyone's allowed to lie. So that's like you're the same as a liar. Like everyone's like, I don't lie. And then they go ahead and explain what happened and it's exactly wrong and it always benefits them. And I'm not sure what to call these people anymore, but it's super fucking annoying. Dr. Drew used to call it reality on reality's terms. And people don't subscribe to that anymore. And I feel like we used to ask them and sort of force them to do that. And now there's a lot of politicians who get hit square between the eyes with a question and their answer to that question is, well, let me ask you a question. And it's like, nobody answers anything.

[Tom Kenny]

I'm a liar. What about my opponent?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. It's weird because in a nation of more information, I mean, it used to be you'd have to go down to the library. You'd have to look something up. Now we have the Internet, and there's no more lying. There's no more hiding. Everything is taped. Everything is caught on a phone or film or tape recorded or a camera that's hidden at the ATM or hidden at the.

[Tom Kenny]

We live on camera.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything is out there. In a weird way with all this, it's like we are disputing calls, and we have the game film from 30 different angles in high def, and we're still disputing the calls. And I feel like we're doubling down on our lying and our. That's untrue or I wasn't there. I now know what you're talking about. So it's like, as the technology gets more powerful and the evidence gets more irrefutable, you just can't. It's on film. You can't say anything. We're doing more denying. So it's weird. As technology pulls hard to the left, we're pulling hard to the right. And also, everyone's such a narcissistic asshole now that people just go, like, I thought I. You know, I say to people all the time, look, you got to pay this. I thought I did pay them. It's like, you did. And then they're writing a check as they're saying it. And then I'm going, well, if you thought you paid them, why your. Why is your checkbook out? And they're going, you calling me a liar? And you're like, no, I don't know who's lying. You. Why are you. If you thought you did, why aren't you doing it?

[Guest/Caller]

I love that.

[Tom Kenny]

In the light of all this irrefutable evidence about, you know, whatever. Whatever the case is, people go, you know what? We'll just have to agree to disagree.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, right. Right. It's. Now, this is not opinion.

[Allison Rosen]

There's facts here.

[Brian Bishop]

We're now at the point. Yeah, it's two people.

[Tom Kenny]

Agree to disagree.

[Brian Bishop]

It's two people in an elevator. One guy says, oh, man, you farted. And he goes, you farted. And now it's fucking Mexican standoff. Like, listen, I know you farted because I smell it and didn't come out of my ass. No, I did not. I may have. I'll have to check. I don't think so. On the way in.

[Tom Kenny]

On the way in, on the way

[Brian Bishop]

up in the elevator, in my studio.

[Tom Kenny]

In your studio elevator. How many stories is this place? 150.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the best story of all. Yeah. So I think With. And it's interesting. I think the more information that's coming in, the more we're stepping back. It used to be like a man's word is his bond. And like he didn't need a recording or a digital playback of anything. This is what he said. Yes. I remember saying that you to so on and so forth. Now it's all just about check the email, check the facts, check the data, check the whatever. And we're doing more lying.

[Allison Rosen]

So it's like, are there more liars or more sociopaths?

[Brian Bishop]

It's sociopaths. Everyone decided, look, it's every man for themselves, every woman for themselves. We say what we want, we protect ourselves, it doesn't matter. Nobody does laps with people on things.

[Tom Kenny]

But is that just the tweet blog culture where everybody's just like incredibly self absorbed and everything that everyone does, every second of everyone's life is worthy of being chronicled like he's the Dalai Lama or something instead of just some schlub.

[Brian Bishop]

There's definitely a leader of a Banana Republic kind of thing where it's just like they just go out and golf and every hole's a two and they set a course record every time. Everyone sort of has that thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yeah, there's that salesmanship ethic.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like just dignity and you know, just the fact that. And I don't know what the statistics were, but remember when there used to be notes on windshields of cars, like I was backing out and I bumped your car. And now it's like, hey, he's got insurance. And if he doesn't have insurance, then fuck him. He's too stupid to know what's right. You know, it's like a lot of that now.

[Tom Kenny]

Believe me, it all works out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right. He'll take care of it.

[Tom Kenny]

He'll take care of it.

[Allison Rosen]

By the way, for the victim, I

[Brian Bishop]

got barged into a couple of months

[Tom Kenny]

ago and the guy didn't leave a note. So this is just karma.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, just a, just, just a puddle. It is.

[Joel McHale]

Sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

See, I can't then not taking. I just got that reality, in reality's terms is something like for me, if I'm wearing a red shirt and someone walked by and we're like, oh, nice blue shirt. That just. That would drive me like, that would short circuit my brain.

[Tom Kenny]

Just colorblindness is no laughing matter. Listen, that's a real condition.

[Allison Rosen]

That's not the best example, but I will sit there and wonder, did they know that they were lying? Do they see it differently? Do I see it wrong. Like I will go insane over something like that.

[Tom Kenny]

But, you know, it's not you.

[Brian Bishop]

But you're a sane person. What's going on is a prolonged adolescence. It's something that kids do. Kids are, you know, look, we're cleaning out my son's backpack the other day and found two $20 bills. And he just looked me straight in the eye and he said I was keeping him safe for you. And I know he's full of shit. And, you know, I backhanded him. And he held his head that direction, which meant he knows he'd done wrong. But when they hold their head that direction, it means they've done wrong. I've seen enough movies. But he said, now that's a six year old trying to come up with a quick excuse. And it works fine. Now I feel like there's 46 year olds giving that excuse and they have a serious face. And you go, if it works, why change it? And when you go, hey, don't fucking bullshit. And they go, you calling me a liar? And it's like, you may not be a liar, but what comes out of your mouth are lies. So it's like you're calling me a murderer. Well, yeah. You stab people. No, I'm no murderer. I know, but we have a body cam.

[Allison Rosen]

But don't make it about you. That's a narcissistic way to spin it around.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you're calling me, right?

[Allison Rosen]

So here's a story that a million and one not even lying people have tweeted me today. It's out of Florida. Everyone wanted to be a Germany or Florida, but it's too Floridian. A man died after entering a contest at a pet store to eat as many insects as possible. And the guy who. Or the person who won would win a python. So he won. He was shoveling them into his mouth. Crickets, worms, roaches, what have you.

[Tom Kenny]

And then like bugs, mostly.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Insects, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Like just.

[Adam Carolla]

Just.

[Allison Rosen]

Just really putting them down. Drinking water made him go down easier. And then he collapsed shortly afterwards and then died.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, the results of the autopsy will come out in a couple weeks. They don't know how he died. The insects were raised domestically to be fed to snakes and whatnot.

[Tom Kenny]

Farm raised.

[Brian Bishop]

Free range crickets. Free range crickets?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they're organic and everything, so they should have been safe. Some people evidently are allergic to insects, certain insects. So it could be that, you know, I guess sometimes these insects can have like a bacterial infection, but they're. By the way, it takes.

[Brian Bishop]

He was eating shit that the prized

[Tom Kenny]

python would turn down.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah, no thanks. Not for me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, but they're saying I might

[Tom Kenny]

get sick and die.

[Allison Rosen]

The weird thing is that no one else who ate the bugs. Cause like 30 people took part in this fun night. Those other people are fine. So I'm wondering, no one else is saying this though, but I'm wondering, could he have maybe taken a bunch of drugs in addition to eating a bunch of insects?

[Brian Bishop]

And you're saying he was juicing?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just wondering maybe.

[Tom Kenny]

Or do you think one of his opponents who did a really shitty Peter Lorre was maybe like going, you know, a little bit of arsenic on the bug that he's about to eat?

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe yours was an $850 python.

[Tom Kenny]

That old Tim Burton for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, couple things. You know my idea, when I'm in charge, I do the stings where I do the free Raiders tickets to any of the Raiders fans who show up at the Coliseum between noon and five. And then I rest all the deadbeat dads with the tattoos on their fucking heads because look, everyone, there might be one innocent Raiders fan, but let's face it, as soon as we do just the quick fucking scan, there's something. These guys are, you know, some of these guys, half these guys gonna be wearing fucking ankle bracelets. And it's.

[Guest/Caller]

It's sad when a dolphin gets caught in a tuna net, but come on, we gotta have our tuna.

[Brian Bishop]

We gotta have tuna. And I do the same thing. I do a white trash version of this. This is more of a Mexican trash version, but I do a white trash version which is, you know, free py to guys who can eat the most crickets and whoever showed up and arrest them. Yeah, you somewhere, you have a. You have a fucking 14 year old daughter. I want to talk to her. She's doing. She's living. Where?

[Guest/Caller]

Can't you hear Dawson just saying it was. The prize was a python.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Guest/Caller]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Brian Bishop]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Tom Kenny]

Well, you know, it might be. You know, some people see that as a career opportunity.

[Brian Bishop]

My ship has come in. Oh, yeah. I could sell that python for up to $25.

[Allison Rosen]

He was going to sell it.

[Advertisement Voice]

He was.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. See, you're exactly right. Alice Cooper Jr. A friend of his or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I. People own snakes or any kind of reptiles are always people you'd rather hang out with. The reptile they have.

[Tom Kenny]

Most people that then have that exotic pet and then they walk around the neighborhood with it. Hi, I'm an urban attention seeker.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they're trying to get laid. They go down the forward wall.

[Tom Kenny]

I have a parrot on my shoulder.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Worse than that ferret guy. Yeah, ferret guy's the worst guy. Hey, ladies. No, no, no, not a chipmunk.

[Tom Kenny]

What?

[Guest/Caller]

You see, it's technically illegal.

[Brian Bishop]

Something else that's small, cute and hairy. That's also in my dolphin shorts. Right now. I'd like to meet you.

[Tom Kenny]

Also illegal in California.

[Brian Bishop]

So I'm a badass. Yeah, that's right. Scary and. But it's kind of one of those things where, you know, eventually we're all gonna die and at least this guy's gonna have a good story, you know what I mean? Because, like, heart disease, you know, whatever we're going to end up going by, it's not going to be nearly as good as choking on, you know, crickets or tanks.

[Tom Kenny]

That's going to be a good memorial service.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. He died telling me he would have wanted it this way, man. Yeah, he would have wanted this way because he had a sense of humor

[Adam Carolla]

and he was up for anything, man.

[Brian Bishop]

He was good to fucking go. I'll say this, too. When the file photo picture. When you're not wearing a shirt in your file photo that says a little something about the life you've led, like, where people cannot produce a picture of you with your shirt on. Like, there's no. You go to a family member and go, we need a picture of Steve. And they're like, we only have stuff with him in underpants.

[Joel McHale]

I've never seen him in a shirt.

[Brian Bishop]

This is him and his. I've known him 40 years. Never wear a shirt. This is him and his uncle's wedding. This is him at the funeral of his Aunt Connie, still shirtless. Here's him in his bar mitzvah, shirtless. Like, can't find a picture of him with a shirt on. Speaking of Sheikh Mohammed. Yeah, there he is.

[Tom Kenny]

Always that one photo.

[Allison Rosen]

The pet store people said they were sad they didn't get to spend more time with them. He seemed like the life of the party.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

He also loves that two different color eye thing happening there.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know if it's just the photo, but. Yeah.

[Tom Kenny]

You think he's got that happening?

[Allison Rosen]

I think he might.

[Tom Kenny]

If I was the coroner, happy due to roach intake.

[Brian Bishop]

If I'm the coroner, I'm having a little fun. Like, I'm getting the assistant. The new. The new kid in there. Yeah, let's go ahead. And I don't know why. No, I don't. It doesn't say how he died, I don't know. I mean, it wasn't a motorcycle accident. Looks pretty good. Maybe it's heart failure. Go ahead and cut into him. Let's, let's get the contents of his stomach out here. Let's see what he had for dinner.

[Guest/Caller]

You want to go straight for the

[Brian Bishop]

stomach, see if he had Mexican or Thai food? Just go ahead and check that out for me. I'll be in the next room and just hear him go, oh my God, oh my God.

[Tom Kenny]

On an all New Quincy's practical jokes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, get Sam in here, check it out. I would not have a conversation with the junior guy who I had, you know, kind of do the grunt work, you know, you get him opened up, get the ribs splitter, get up, get the spreader in there, get all stuff and then I'll come in and mop up and do the smart stuff. But you just go ahead and he'd be like, he'd be putting the mask on and be like, masks are for pussies. Come on, get in there. He's fine. Could have had a brain hemorrhage or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out.

[Brian Bishop]

But there's a lot of parts of

[Tom Kenny]

the world where that would be the average evening meal, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Absolutely. No, come on.

[Joel McHale]

No.

[Tom Kenny]

Maybe roaches and such are considered a

[Brian Bishop]

delicacy in handfuls, not big handfuls. So it's not like Cheetos.

[Tom Kenny]

It's not like insectoid Cheetos once you pop.

[Allison Rosen]

But in one of the articles there was someone who was saying that Cajun spice roaches feel that contests like this and Fear Factor and the shows that make insect eating an extreme thing are disrespectful to their culture. Because you know, we're saying, look how gross this is, but this is a delicacy. It'd be like if, you know, like we eat oysters on the half shell or something, which maybe someone else is disgusting, right?

[Tom Kenny]

Except for the brown avocado is disgusting.

[Brian Bishop]

All those cultures unfortunately have either some like ethnic cleansing going on or raw sewage running through the streets or they have like sexual tourism or something. Something like. So they always have the bigger fish to fry. Then let's not worry about the crickets and focus more on the 11 year old girls that are being sold on corners. So go ahead and do that and then we'll focus on your culture. Cause it's never a culture that you give a shit about. It's never a real culture. I mean, let's face it, you guys go when you stop shitting outdoors, then come in and we'll talk about your insult of your cricket devouring problems here over here in the States. I'll get Joe Rogan on the blower when you guys get some plumbing. How about that?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Tip it, cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought I'd be fucking a sixth grader by now. That was the news without Rosen.

[Tom Kenny]

Graham Parker thing was reminding me that Goldblade and I stole.

[Brian Bishop]

You're talking into the microphone.

[Tom Kenny]

Yeah. Am I?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Go ahead. Are we on Graham Parker? Yeah.

[Tom Kenny]

Okay. Sorry, I thought I was done.

[Brian Bishop]

Am I done now?

[Tom Kenny]

Can I really talk about interesting shit now that we don't have people? No. Goldthwaite and I from the Tower Records in Syracuse, New York, our hometown, stole the giant painting of Graham Parker.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Tom Kenny]

Of the. Of the.

[Brian Bishop]

You're my hero. Yeah, I love Graham Parker.

[Tom Kenny]

Me too. It was the squeezing out sparks coming

[Brian Bishop]

out of the head. Do you remember Tower Records places? Yeah. And they would do paintings of the people. We would get in the Oldsmobile, put the high test in there and head on out. Tower Records.

[Tom Kenny]

Well, to this day, you know, when I see somebody who's had too much plastic surgery, I go, wow, that person looks like a Tower Records painting of themselves.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Tom Kenny]

You know, nobody understands the reference.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Graham Parker is a guy.

[Tom Kenny]

Always loved Brinsley Schwartz, baby.

[Brian Bishop]

Playing the lead guitar for the Rumor. My God, Tom, so great. We gotta have this conversation off the air.

[Tom Kenny]

Yeah, I know. I tried.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'll do this one too. That I always do. It's a blowhard moon. You have amazing taste in music, Tom. I did not know that.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Will I try?

[Brian Bishop]

I know what I like.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if what I like is good.

[Brian Bishop]

I know what I like and I

[Tom Kenny]

always liked incredibly cool stuff before anyone else does.

[Guest/Caller]

He sounds like a humble Tom Lyca.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Oh, imagination cannot be stretched that far. Indio, California, by the way. Indio Performing Arts Center Thursday, October 25th with Graham Parker. I've been waiting 35 years to meet. Make it 33 years to meet Graham Parker. And I will be nervous. We're doing a live podcast. You're not going to meet him. We're doing a poisoning. Oh, great song. He has one more song left on Mercury. The label Mercury, and he's pissed off at them and they hold him to his contracts. He writes a song called Mercury Poisoning. That's a fucking rebel. Also, Mangria out as we speak. We're shipping and I'm taking a couple bottles home. I got my maid, not my Maid. I have my wife strung out on Mangria. I have my nanny strung out on Mangria. And my nanny's daughter has been bitten. You must be sorry. The Mangria butt.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not your guests?

[Brian Bishop]

That's a good point. Yeah. We should give time.

[Tom Kenny]

This would have been a much more entertaining interview if I had been effed up on Mangria.

[Brian Bishop]

David Alan Greer was pretty lit up.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he was.

[Tom Kenny]

Man.

[Joel McHale]

Greer.

[Brian Bishop]

Man. Greer was lit up pretty good. Oh, shit. I'll play the whole thing. Killing the whole thing just because it's funny. Play the whole thing.

[Allison Rosen]

This is what he sounds like having sex.

[Brian Bishop]

He's having sex.

[Tom Kenny]

Found my new ringtone.

[Guest/Caller]

That's the more tender version, but yes.

[Tom Kenny]

Really? Is that the PG version? Don't look at me. I love. I think don't look at me. And the fart.

[Joel McHale]

The sex.

[Tom Kenny]

The fart during sex is the best.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know if that's a fart. PG interpretation. PC. All right, Tom, Kenny, everyone. Frankenweenie. Oh, We speak Frankenweenie, baby. And SpongeBob. It's a SpongeBob Christmas out. Yeah, give us a little SpongeBob.

[Tom Kenny]

I don't know. Sometime November.

[Adam Carolla]

Who knows?

[Brian Bishop]

December on Nickelodeon, everybody.

[Tom Kenny]

November. November.

[Brian Bishop]

I said November. It says December.

[Tom Kenny]

Okay, well, the album comes out on iTunes on November 6th.

[Brian Bishop]

Aha.

[Tom Kenny]

Pimpy pimpy.

[Brian Bishop]

And of course, Mangria shipping as we speak. So you can just go to my website and check it out. Until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Tom Kinney, Allison Rosen, Bo Brian, Dave Dhamishek saying, mahalo, hun. Your cock smells like 11 year old boy again.

[Podcast Host]

All right, that's I'm Crow Show. 9:30. Tom Kenny in studio. Tom actually also appeared back in Loveline. He had two appearances towards the end of Adam's run with some really interesting conversations about animation and voice replacements and all kinds of topics. He even came on the podcast early in year one and he performed live in the studio with a band. Coming up next, we have Adam Krillo show 941 featuring Joel McHale, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2012.

[Giovanni]

Hello and welcome to Plutofo. If you knew the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch. Anchorman. The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Brian Bishop]

Fantastic.

[Giovanni]

The Matrix Trilogy.

[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to the Real World.

[Giovanni]

Mean Girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Shut up.

[Giovanni]

Titanic.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm the King of the World.

[Giovanni]

And so much more. For Showtime's press, Nothing. They're free 24, 7.

[Adam Carolla]

That is so fast.

[Giovanni]

On Pluto TV stream. Now pay never.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's check Adam's voicemail. Brought to you by eVoice.

[Joel McHale]

Adam. Hey, listen, man, if you were single

[Brian Bishop]

and stuff, it's cool, but you're making

[Joel McHale]

me nervous with all this racing. You got them kids, man.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta be careful. Too many shitty drivers out there. I know, I know.

[Guest/Caller]

You got.

[Joel McHale]

You guys will all know what you're doing, but you're making me nervous with this racing.

[Brian Bishop]

I want you to slow down on that.

[Joel McHale]

We need you, man.

[Tom Kenny]

All right, I'll click the evoice banner

[Brian Bishop]

on AdamCarola.com or go to www.evoice.com Adam to get an exclusive 6 month free trial offer. Evoice, your mobile phone at work. Thanks for the jinx douche.

[Joel McHale]

Who is that?

[Brian Bishop]

He's a concerned citizen who's worried about all my raisins.

[Joel McHale]

You sure he wasn't like a reoccurring character from the Sopranos?

[Brian Bishop]

The Wire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

Adam. Yeah, listen.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you and this raisins. You know, you got kids, you got

[Joel McHale]

little ones now, I think you're doing, but you got to get out that thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, bad news. I just got another Paul Newman car and this one's fast, so look out, turnkey.

[Joel McHale]

So I'm not over until you own every single Palm Newman car.

[Brian Bishop]

It is not. I was bothered talking about a weirdo. All right. Joel McHale in studio. Yeah, I saw Tower Heist last night. It was just on cable.

[Joel McHale]

Oh, yeah, you watched the whole thing?

[Brian Bishop]

Nope. I watched 10 seconds and Alan Alda walked into his penthouse and he pointed at a Ferrari 250Lusso and he said, that is a 63 Ferrari 250Lusso. It was the one Steve McQueen owned and raced, which is like. It's a street car. He never raced it. It's not a race car. And then he said, I bought it 10 years ago for a million dollars. And I thought to myself, Steve McQueen's 250 Lusso sold four years ago for $2.7 million at an auction. And it was a burgundy color, not red.

[Allison Rosen]

I was shocked by that as well.

[Joel McHale]

So now did you stand up and point and scream this or just in your brain?

[Brian Bishop]

I threw my glass of Mangria at the screen and screamed up to the heavens, Joel.

[Joel McHale]

That's what stopped you at the movie? Like, I do not believe this happened.

[Brian Bishop]

I do. I'm.

[Joel McHale]

Now, this is totally implausible.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, considering.

[Advertisement Voice]

Just go.

[Brian Bishop]

I swear to God, just fucking go online now. Everyone's pissed at me, but Seriously, his.

[Joel McHale]

No one doesn't believe it.

[Brian Bishop]

His 250Lusso sold for five years ago. It sold for $2.7 million. So just ridiculous. All right, but don't say 10 years ago for $1 million, idiot. And don't say you could sell for 10 times the amount today or you wouldn't. Let's just go online and fucking. You already got to the point where you had Steve McQueen's Lusso Ferrari. Just go ahead and put the right date under it.

[Joel McHale]

And another thing.

[Brian Bishop]

And another thing. This soup, by the way, Wednesdays, 10 o' clock on E. Joel McHale, season four, by the way of a great, great show, Community. Love me some Community.

[Joel McHale]

When is that on? What's the air date for that, bud?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's been delayed. It's been delayed. Yeah, but it's a great show.

[Joel McHale]

I'll let you know if I get texts that day.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a great show. How's Chevy doing?

[Joel McHale]

Oh, he's great. I'm sure you read a lot of good things about him.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Joel McHale]

It's not. It's great.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you want to say Chevy's Chevy?

[Joel McHale]

Thank you, Bill Simmons. You know, it's just Chevy being Chevy.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just Chevy being Chevy.

[Joel McHale]

Well, I think what happens is that we run out of things to talk about on talk shows, and this is a perfect thing to kind of always talk about.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a little nutty, right?

[Joel McHale]

Well, in what sense? That when he walks in, he wants to kick my ass all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joel McHale]

I talked about that on. I do talk about on talk shows, but yes, there's always going to be good stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw you on Letterman talking about that. Actually, I was on the road watching.

[Joel McHale]

I didn't even talk about the part where he, where Chevy swings at me.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Joel McHale]

Well, he does it. You know, he, he, he hasn't done it lately, but he. For at least the first couple years, it was always like, come on, boy, come on. Then he put his fists up and then he would say, like, hit me. This is different than when I separated his shoulder on the.

[Brian Bishop]

I heard that on Letterman, too. That's right.

[Joel McHale]

But this one is different in that when he would come at me with the, with the, with the fists, he would, like, give me little slaps and I'm like. He's like, come on, fight me. I'm like, we shouldn't do this.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Joel McHale]

And then I was like, we. We have a work day of work. I'm wearing makeup.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Joel McHale]

And then I pull a little move on him, which I Won't. I'll just show you. I won't do it to you. But where you take. If you want to get someone off, you take their wrist and you go like that.

[Brian Bishop]

You just push it down.

[Joel McHale]

You push these two nerve ends together. And then you could, you could drop a rhino with that. And then he gets on the ground,

[Tom Kenny]

he's like, you always do your move.

[Joel McHale]

Why don't you fight like a man? I'm like, well, I technically won.

[Brian Bishop]

So do you think he has some of that thing where like alpha male, you know, he was the lead silverback gorilla and now you come in and you're young and you're good looking and you're stronger than he is so he has to try to assert himself or do whatever. Steve McQueen 63 Ferrari sold in the 07 for $2.3 million.

[Joel McHale]

Ridiculous.

[Brian Bishop]

Monterey.

[Joel McHale]

Speaking of.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I can sleep tonight.

[Joel McHale]

And performers that race cars. James Brolin is going to be on Community this year playing my character's father. And we talked about racing because I don't know if you know this.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

For a while he was a big time racer as well.

[Brian Bishop]

Absolutely.

[Joel McHale]

And he was saying how because when he had little kid that similar to that voicemail. But he kept winning races and so they kept kind of bumping him up to the next level of racing to the point where he was scared but doing well. And he's like, I gotta stop this now. All I'm doing is racing.

[Brian Bishop]

His son Josh does and did a little bit of racing. And he's a pilot himself. Brolin. And he's married to Babs. Right.

[Joel McHale]

He's the perfect. You should see his hair. It's unbelievable. It's glorious.

[Allison Rosen]

Thick or shiny or both.

[Joel McHale]

It's beautiful in silver.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a beautiful man.

[Joel McHale]

Yes. If you look at pictures of him, you can look it up there. Guys in the booth between him and Christian Bale when they were the same age next to each other, they look almost identical.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Also one of the first dudes to really rock a beard and make it work.

[Joel McHale]

But he was the one guy in the 70s that said maybe him and Kris Kristofferson.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Other guys had the Dan Haggerty sort of novelty. Whatever. He actually looked better with the beard. Congratulations on Ted. By the way.

[Joel McHale]

Look up, type in James Brolin and slash Christian Bale and you'll see that is amazing.

[Brian Bishop]

Also by the way, the website is joelmichaleonline.com that's kind of not doing great.

[Joel McHale]

All right. Twitter handed it into yes. Tweet me at Joel McHaletham.

[Brian Bishop]

At JoelMichale. I was thinking about Joel. I was thinking about the fact that he doesn't have a swimming pool. I always laugh about that.

[Joel McHale]

Bitch.

[Guest/Caller]

And it's only been four and a half years.

[Joel McHale]

Mike said, wait, we got a blow up kiddie pool.

[Brian Bishop]

You can have one of those.

[Joel McHale]

Wow, look at that. Isn't that amazing?

[Brian Bishop]

Brolin and Bale, pretty amazing. That is insane. It's weird.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ. I never would have thought that because I thought. I would have thought that he was a little fuller in the face. Brolin was, but boy, do they look alike.

[Guest/Caller]

Christian Bale looks like just when James Brolin went on that trip to England and when he was 35.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait a minute. All right. I don't even know what you're talking about.

[Joel McHale]

I don't either.

[Guest/Caller]

It's English. It's 35.

[Brian Bishop]

35 years old by his father. All right, come on, just do the sound effects, would you?

[Joel McHale]

That was good.

[Brian Bishop]

The soup with Joel McHale. We were laughing. Joel, I don't know if I was laughing about this with you, but Brian brought it up, which was back in the day when Joel, back in the day, used to come in and do the bring in clips from the Soup. That is the greatest story I have ever heard. I saw Joel and I said, this guy's talented. I want him in on this show every single Friday.

[Joel McHale]

And Jack Silver said, I don't think so.

[Brian Bishop]

A little less of the McHale. Yeah. Once a month. Why every week? What's his whole thing?

[Adam Carolla]

Can we go to the Playboy Mansion now?

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So he wanted Joel McHale once a month. But we were laughing about. You brought up the three guys that he really didn't want in the studio very often. Those three names, by the way, bring yourself back to 2007, 2008, you know, in your mind when Steve McQueen's Luca was sold, that's how we mark the time.

[Joel McHale]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And the three guys in 2007, 2008, Jack Silver didn't really want in the studio and sort of labeled as comedy death. At least one of them were not

[Guest/Caller]

a fan of McHale, not a fan of Galifianak, Juan Galifianakis out of the studio. I believe Daniel Tosh was the third guy.

[Brian Bishop]

No, Louis ck.

[Guest/Caller]

That was it.

[Joel McHale]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And whatever happened to those three guys?

[Joel McHale]

Keep Danny Bonaduce.

[Brian Bishop]

Keep the douche, man.

[Joel McHale]

Keep the douche in there. No. You guys really helped put the Soup on the map.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we were.

[Joel McHale]

It was. It was a really great free plug that Yee was Thrilled about. They were like, you don't have to pay anything. I'm like, no.

[Brian Bishop]

And they're like, all right, just go and listen. You brought. It was symbiotic. You brought. You brought the clips in. You worked across the street. It was awesome. And now look at you. Yes. A international superstar.

[Joel McHale]

International. I'm huge.

[Brian Bishop]

I love hearing all the great stories about Joe McHale selling out theaters and all that stuff. It's exciting. And I have actually, I always think about your pool. And for some, Mike said, oh, I have your rant from the radio.

[Joel McHale]

It's my. One of my favorite rants of all time. I still play it back to people.

[Giovanni]

I do.

[Brian Bishop]

I haven't heard it in years.

[Joel McHale]

I would love to hear.

[Brian Bishop]

I think we limited December 12, 2008, but we got it down probably a minute and a half, two minutes.

[Joel McHale]

No, I like the whole thing.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to do any building in this goddamn city, especially if it's up in the hills, you must either build the Hoover Dam or Hitler's bunker. Why? Because we're an earthquake country. Because it's dangerous and we hide behind safety. We hide behind the veil of safety. Hey, just playing it safe. Hey, better safe than sorry. Hey, we're in earthquake country. My house was built in 1929. It has no reinforced concrete, no plywood because plywood wasn't invented. No simpson straps, no HDs, no hold downs, no all thread, no J bolts, no nothing. Nothing, nothing. They had some poor Irish guy, poor foundation, and they set a house on it. That was it. There was no straps and no Teco clips and no 835s and no continuous shear wall, and no moments and no nothing. No nailing schedule, no inspector, no nothing. Now. Now, that house was built in nineteen goddamn twenty nine. And you know where it is today, right? The f. Where it was put by all the dead people with no hold downs and no rebar and no bunkers and no straps and no nothing. Why, it's in earthquake country. It's in earthquake now. What do you think the house did, you retards? Did it sprout legs and run to Montana every time there was an earthquake and then hustle back and land on its foundation?

[Giovanni]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

It sat there with no straps, no plywood, no nailing schedule, no hold downs, no all thread, no piers, no pylons, no grade beams, no retaining walls, nothing. Wow. I didn't know how much I knew about construction until I got on a roll.

[Joel McHale]

No nailing schedule.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, to be all right, to be fair, A35s are Tico clips. So I was sort of redundant when I was like, no A35s and no Tico. I could see Allison rolling her eyes like a 35s.

[Allison Rosen]

I was trying to hold my tongue, but it was really bothering me.

[Brian Bishop]

And HDs are hold down. So I did kind of double down on my hd. Now all thread is literally a steel pipe that is threaded. Everything is threaded. It's just called all thread. And moments. I realized I threw in moments in there. You guys know what a moment is?

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like we're having one.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to now look up architectural. A moment in architectural terms is like. Let's say you said you were doing a remod of your house and you said, I want a huge window. I want all glass in the front of the house. Well, it would have no sheer strength. It would rack. It would be no good. They'd say, no, your window has to be smaller because you need panels for sheer panel strength. But if you made a moment, it would be like a big square that was welded off so you had a big frame that would not rack or turn. Those are called moments. And nailing schedule on shear walls, just where you put the nails, like I said.

[Joel McHale]

So you can be flagged for not making the number of. I mean, not just the number of nails, but how you place your nails.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure. Because you have shear wall. And then the shear wall needs to be nailed off. And so you need a nailing schedule. Six on the seams and 12 in the field. Four. And the inspector will come by and if he doesn't see the nailing schedule the way it should be.

[Joel McHale]

Has there ever been a nail in the hills, which is Hollywood Hills, everyone, where it's all built on. Is it bedrock? Pretty much. And has there ever been a house that just slid down the hill or shook. Just shook apart during an earthquake?

[Brian Bishop]

Pretty much does. One's on stilts every once in a while.

[Joel McHale]

But they're on stilts.

[Brian Bishop]

But they're on stilts. Yes. They're not on the hill. They're hanging on the hill.

[Joel McHale]

So somehow at one point they were like, it's fine for you to use stilts.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Joel McHale]

But God forbid, if you have a. You can't. This window has to be this size because an obese person has to get out during a fire.

[Brian Bishop]

Everybody, look. My first house up in the hills had about 86 stairs. That got you from the Brian. You ever go by there? Go by the West Shire house. It's like. It was like your house now. No, the West Shire house. The first house, I never saw it. It was like literally 80 something stairs from the street. I saw pictures to get up to the top. And when I was doing some work, I know the codes. So the inspector was like, you got to make this bathroom door 32 inches instead of 30. And I said 32 inches because I didn't have room for it. And it was 30 inches the whole time the house was built. And they said it needs to be 32 by code. And I said, I know what the code is. The code is for wheelchair access because 32 inches is the minimum you need to get a wheelchair to. But between the street where the guy in the wheelchair and the special van would pull up, there's 86 stairs between. So nobody in a wheelchair is possibly getting up to this bathroom.

[Joel McHale]

Are you saying they can't do something?

[Brian Bishop]

I am saying they cannot do something. Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

So what was his response to that?

[Brian Bishop]

I actually beat the guy down eventually and he left me alone. Or I just fucking bootlegged.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah. They probably didn't know what to do when they were dealing with you.

[Brian Bishop]

But Joel wanted.

[Joel McHale]

I wanted a pool.

[Brian Bishop]

There's the stairs. Not to my house, but it's the same kind of stairs.

[Allison Rosen]

How much does it suck if you had something carry heavy to carry from your car to the house?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if you look at those stairs drunk. Oh, well, then you have sort of weird strength and you don't remember.

[Joel McHale]

It just depends on the time you're. What part of the drunk.

[Brian Bishop]

That's true. That's true. Well, this was my famous. When I told Dr. Drew I was having a listener pick me up and take me to the airport. These were the stairs I went down at five in the morning, waited in in the rain when the listener never showed up. But yeah, bad times. So, Joel, no pool.

[Joel McHale]

No pool.

[Brian Bishop]

Way too much.

[Joel McHale]

So what we have decided to do is. Well, we built a fireplace, which is much more fun for the kids.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure. Yeah. Especially during the summer months. Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

It's very. It's exciting.

[Guest/Caller]

Don't splash your brother.

[Joel McHale]

No. We would have had to build a retaining as we already. I mean, a retaining wall like 60ft high. It would have been crazy.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Joel McHale]

It would have been a horrible. It would just. We would look like we were going to be next to an office building or the back end of it or parking garage. So.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joel McHale]

I have a lot of problems.

[Brian Bishop]

So you got.

[Joel McHale]

The only real alternative is to buy another house.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So. By the way, so can I have your house?

[Joel McHale]

Your house is awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

You're looking at a picture of what would be a moment?

[Joel McHale]

Oh, thank God.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Joel McHale]

You're really well illustrated. That's probably in your house, isn't it? That's your moment.

[Brian Bishop]

It looks like I was having a moment there. Yes.

[Joel McHale]

Wasn't your house owned by Upton Sinclair?

[Allison Rosen]

Who was it?

[Guest/Caller]

Wasn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Joel McHale]

Wasn't it owned by a famous person?

[Brian Bishop]

No, it was owned by a guy named Hans Konraed. Oh, yeah.

[Joel McHale]

Wasn't he a Bond villain?

[Brian Bishop]

He just did a whole bunch of voices and was a weirdo. Dr. Drew knows who he is. All right, so where the hell were we? No swimming pool. And the point is, is now city of Los Angeles, you get zero and the contractors get zero and the pool guy gets zero and the pool supply guy gets zero and everyone get zero because you just went, fuck it.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah, I went nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my point.

[Joel McHale]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Little microcosm of what's going on.

[Joel McHale]

Because when you get people to survey your property, they overcompensate because they're liable.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joel McHale]

Just like we were talking about with child safety seats, where now you have to be 65 or £75. £70 before you can't. You don't have. You can't. You have to stop using the seat.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Joel McHale]

That's. That's how heavy you have to be.

[Brian Bishop]

We.

[Joel McHale]

We are getting to a crap that's like, old. That's like little ladies.

[Brian Bishop]

We're in a land now where everyone just gets to be a hero because they go, I'm for safety. Is that a problem? Are you against safety? You're for reckless abandon. I'm for safety. I'm for schoolteachers getting paid a zillion dollars a year and having a pension that lasts the rest of your life. I also want firemen to get paid a zillion dollars a year and have a pension that lasts because these are heroes. I also want a child seat. Even if your kid is Fred Gwynn size, I want him in a fire seat. Why? Because I'm playing it safe. Click it or tick it. Slow it down. 55 saves lives and everyone's a fucking hero. But my thing is, who's paying for this? Who is paying for your retaining wall that you don't need, that cost $150,000? Or better yet, who's moving out of state because they don't want to pay for it?

[Joel McHale]

Yeah, we live in all that you just said. And yet motorcycles are allowed to drive in between traffic here.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Joel McHale]

Which is so crazy. I know, and I see, I have numerous times almost where you're like, I'm just gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh?

[Joel McHale]

And then like your whole life will flash, right? Because if you touch, you're. You're liable, obviously.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

But if you knock one over, it's like your life's forget. Everything you own is gone.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to know the greatest douche move is I, because of my hyper vigilance, spot these guys coming and I give them a little birth.

[Joel McHale]

You know, I do too. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And my friend and you know Kevin Hench, who I wrote the Hammer with, he did a move once where he's going down the 405, he looks in his rear view and he sees one of these guys coming. So he starts to swing out a little to give him a room. His buddy was riding a motorcycle. Two guys were on a motorcycle and they split Kevin's car. So one goes to the left and one goes to the right. Well, he's looking out his rear view and he sees a guy coming on the right and he gives a little move. The dude on the left gives him the Whoa, what the fuck? And it's like we were pulling a move on you and you ruined it. Listen, douche, you gotta stay with your buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

They're like chihuahuas that bark at large dogs.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that is, that is true.

[Joel McHale]

Yes. But if you touch the Chihuahua, then you're liable for anything that happens.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

But hopefully the Chihuahua dies. That's all I'm saying.

[Joel McHale]

It's very nerve wracking because in any other state. Is there another state where you can do it? The only other place I've ever seen it is Italy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

That's the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. I used to ride a motorcycle. And the splitting, the traffic thing, at first you go, this seems hairy. And then 10 minutes later you're like, oh my God, it's intoxicating. Like I am flying past people.

[Joel McHale]

It is like you're saving a lot of time.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like going to Disneyland. Yes, but it's like going to Disneyland, going to the line for the Matterhorn and just permanent fast track jogging past everybody and going right to the first one.

[Joel McHale]

You should do that. Just dress in all leathers, just like you would if you were riding, except

[Brian Bishop]

for you could get smashed by 5,000 pound thing that falls from the sky.

[Tom Kenny]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

More brazen are the bicyclists that do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Had these assholes taken up the whole lane on the way to work the other night. The we own the road. We have just as much right to the right. Tell that to the bumper douche. Tell that to the engine that's right. That's rolling up to your legs. Fucking crushed spine.

[Joel McHale]

Have you ever get the move where I have had it, where I've been at a stoplight and the biker comes up, realizes they don't have as much room, they have to slow down. And then they grab your car.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Joel McHale]

And they kind of push themselves along.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Like. Like it's hot lava. They can't put their feet down or something happening.

[Joel McHale]

Right. And then they.

[Brian Bishop]

Then they zip away by. You know, I just thought about this. Remember we were talking the other day on the air, I said no more greater chasm in technology between tablets and tablets. Like there's the stone tablet that Moses brought down. Very antiquated technology. And then there's the tablet that Mac makes. You know what I mean? The Apple, whatever. You got that tablet. You got that tablet. People on bicycles are at the top of the food chain and the bottom of the food chain. Like there's the busboy, Mexican riding home at night, bicycle like three DUIs, doesn't have a car, license suspended. And you see that guy riding the

[Allison Rosen]

bike around his bicycle, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Banana seat bicycle. Guy cannot afford a car. And then there's the specialized, $10,000. It's the combination road bike, mountain bike. And the guy has a Ferrari in the garage. He just chooses to ride this because he's better than all of us. What do we got coming up, by the way, with you. Joel McHale. You must be. Must have movies coming up.

[Joel McHale]

Well, the TED DVD is coming.

[Brian Bishop]

God.

[Joel McHale]

And then. Well, then they're gonna announce a community air date, hopefully soon. And last night was Sons of Anarchy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Guest starring in Sons of Anarchy. And also gotta be doing a Ted part 2.

[Joel McHale]

My character died of Lou Gehrig's disease, so.

[Giovanni]

He did.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

That's treatable.

[Brian Bishop]

He didn't in the cut I saw.

[Allison Rosen]

Died.

[Joel McHale]

Well, no, it's later as there as he's wrapping it up that, you know, as he's doing all the voiceovers. So what happened to the characters? He says that, but it's Seth MacFarlane, so he could, I think, possibly bring me back.

[Guest/Caller]

Your character was slimy. So it could have faked his own death.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw the.

[Joel McHale]

And now Seth is hosting the freaking Oscars. Oh, my gosh.

[Brian Bishop]

It's terrific. I know, I know.

[Guest/Caller]

TED prequel.

[Joel McHale]

He did great on snl. I think that was part the.

[Guest/Caller]

Of.

[Joel McHale]

Of like their.

[Brian Bishop]

He's one of these guys where he's good at everything. He's good at voices. He's good at writing. He's good at singing. He's good at big band stuff. He's good at composing. And then he can also just stand up and deliver a monologue, which is, like, unfair because normally it's one or the other, maybe two if you're lucky. But this guy's like Alec Baldwin with Frank Sinatra's voice. Yeah. It's just not fucking good.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah. It's crazy. He's one of those people that just kind of was touched by God and just went, ding. You can. You can have it all.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Unbelievable. All right, should we do a little News? And Joel McHale can hang out and crack wise. This is Allison Rosen.

[Joel McHale]

This is like, going back in time. How did you find Allison? Adam,

[Brian Bishop]

I like talking over your introduction.

[Allison Rosen]

All my news was from years ago, too.

[Joel McHale]

Would be great.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Exhaustive search.

[Joel McHale]

The what?

[Brian Bishop]

Exhaustive search.

[Joel McHale]

Oh, really? All right.

[Allison Rosen]

But I just sparkled.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Tom Kenny]

That's great.

[Brian Bishop]

She rose to the top.

[Joel McHale]

It's not a really interesting story, but,

[Brian Bishop]

like, cream, you know, where did you meet?

[Allison Rosen]

This is a really short version. The long version is like this, but just with more words.

[Tom Kenny]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

Primal scream therapy.

[Joel McHale]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

That's where my stepdad and my mom met.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

Ray found out.

[Joel McHale]

Sad Ray. Is he still as physically strong as. As he always has been?

[Brian Bishop]

I think he. I think he shouldn't try to find out, because he. We were taught, you know, Ray has a very. A very volatile combination. Being physically strong and having nothing to lose. Like, so sue me. I live in an apartment. Like, good luck. I mean, he literally. Well, I'll tell you, I was just laughing about this with cousin Sal the other day. There is that guy who was the quadriplegic amputee, you know, quad amputee wrestler who was this big news story about five years ago, and he was on Jimmy's show and made the mistake of saying to Ray when he was being pushed off stage in his wheelchair, one of his, like, wranglers said, like, there's not a man alive that can take this guy's two stumps that he has for arms. Now he's got leverage because his arms aren't 8ft long. There's stumps, like, at the elbow. There's nobody alive who can hold those two stumps together.

[Joel McHale]

Oops.

[Brian Bishop]

Oops. Ray said, I'll give it a shot.

[Joel McHale]

And, like, not on the air or just was.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no. That's the beauty of it. Off the air, in his street clothes, not drunk. Next, you know, I turn the corner, there's a guy by the Way Ray is literally wrestling with a guy in a wheelchair on top of a guy in a wheelchair. There was Kyle Maynard on top of a guy in a wheelchair holding his stumps as hard as he can while the guy is crunching and coming back.

[Joel McHale]

Who won? Did he do it? He must.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone lost and it was like Ray was 45 and on top of a severely disabled guy with a can do attitude.

[Joel McHale]

I feel like Ray should have been an MMA fighter.

[Brian Bishop]

He really.

[Joel McHale]

He would have been, he would have been world famous.

[Brian Bishop]

He was doing it for free his whole life. I think he'd get paid.

[Joel McHale]

That's just a mistake.

[Brian Bishop]

The idea that this guy's in a wheelchair while Ray's on top of him trying to hold his stumps apart or together. I can't remember what the challenge was. To be fair, he probably makes this proclamation in front of adults all the time without too many guys challenging him. He just didn't know that Ray was prepared to mount him on his wheelchair and take him up on this challenge.

[Allison Rosen]

Does Ray have bad judgment or no judgment?

[Brian Bishop]

No judgment. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, Donald Trump has been saying for days that he has big news that will alter the course of the election. And he finally revealed that today. And we have a clip.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's hear it.

[Joel McHale]

You can cut out this dead air. No, it's fine.

[Guest/Caller]

Or don't.

[Joel McHale]

We don't need sound for that either.

[Allison Rosen]

Or I could just tell you what he said.

[Joel McHale]

Oh, why, that would. That would save time and that would

[Brian Bishop]

have a deal for the president. A deal that I don't believe he can reject.

[Giovanni]

Refused.

[Brian Bishop]

And I hope he doesn't. If Barack Obama opens up and gives his college records and applications, and if he gives his passport applications and records, I will give to a charity of his choice, Inner City children in Chicago, American Cancer Society, a AIDS research, anything. He wants a check immediately for $5 million.

[Allison Rosen]

I like that he lists what a charity of his choice means. It was vague for me.

[Joel McHale]

Well, I'm so confused. How does that change the election?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it doesn't, but he wants to see the college transcripts because he wants to see what Obama listed as his birthplace.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, is that what he's doing?

[Allison Rosen]

Evidently. It's a real aha moment.

[Brian Bishop]

Why, here's a couple.

[Joel McHale]

This is the moment.

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't this insane?

[Brian Bishop]

Couple things. Trump made a mistake cuz he said a charity of his choice, he really should have just picked out one and just picked out the, you know, whatever research fund or whatever it was and said that's the charity because then that Charity would be like, come on, dude. Seriously, dude. Like, like pressure. Now, your charity, you don't think it's going to you.

[Joel McHale]

I think that's more.

[Brian Bishop]

I would have picked that one.

[Joel McHale]

Another mistake is that he said this will change the course of the election.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, he's. Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

Well, it's not really anything I have. It's a demand I have. So once you provide these things, the election.

[Brian Bishop]

So how does it work in terms of. I see. Cause I can't. I've always said this. Like, we have 911 calls, and 911 calls are just. They get played on the news, and you just get Demi Moore's assistant going like, she's foaming at the mouth. I think she took something. And then it just gets played on the news and you're like, well, that seems kind of intrusive. And then you have these things, like you have records, like court records that get unsealed and open and divorce. You know, if you're a celebrity and you get divorced, it's like, well, Harvey Levin gets those. So how does it. What is the difference between college and divorce? Or 911 calls? Like, why do we have weird distinctions on some things? Like, I'd rather. I don't know. See, I'd prefer everything not be opened. But what stuff does get open? And how does it get open? And how do I steal your porn movie with you and your wife and throw it up on the Internet and not.

[Joel McHale]

You don't have to steal it. You just buy it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I can get on website.

[Guest/Caller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I gotta go to joelmichael.com it's 5.99. Oh, okay.

[Joel McHale]

But what I. Here's my theory is that. But no one cares about that. No one cares about his college transcripts.

[Brian Bishop]

But how come we can't have that

[Allison Rosen]

stuff came up when it's like, Romney won't show his tax returns. Well, Obama won't show his college transcripts.

[Brian Bishop]

But how come they can't just get them?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I don't know the actual legal answer, but the other things you're talking about, there's some. They're like court documents. Yeah. Or public records or things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, but.

[Allison Rosen]

Whereas this is a private. For some reason, school records, and the same with medical records are private.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, but you're. Again, you're. I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

But when it's in the court.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I understand. Like you calling 911 is not. Is not private. And you having a whatever with your ex wife is in the courts and not. But it Seems I could make an argument for why I feel it's much more intimate to have this divorce and all the. Whatever airing of the dirty laundry that comes with that divorce in the. In the court rather than whatever I did when I was 19 in college when there were people around. I mean, there's somebody who knows this information anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

From your pottery class. Adam majored in pottery. Did you know that?

[Brian Bishop]

High school, ceramics.

[Allison Rosen]

Excuse me.

[Joel McHale]

It was weird how he declared a major in high school.

[Allison Rosen]

I thought so, too.

[Brian Bishop]

I will. Well, I knew I wasn't going to college, so I thought, let's get a major in. I've always wanted to declare a major. And they did.

[Joel McHale]

You should have your diploma displayed here, like a doctor would.

[Brian Bishop]

Can't somebody. By the way, there's my actual GPA. 1.75. Wow.

[Joel McHale]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that 570 days missed?

[Brian Bishop]

No, that is. I was 497 out of a class of 570.

[Guest/Caller]

That's his rank.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my rank. And trust me when I tell you that out of that 570, you can lop off 50 who never showed up.

[Joel McHale]

Where did you get enough grades to get the 1.7?

[Brian Bishop]

Also, you can back out, as I've said many times. Six A's. I played football every fall and every spring, I played baseball. And they just gave you an a. So that's six semesters of A's. If you took six A's out of that, 175 was your high school three years? Yeah, it was three years. Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

Would you go to class?

[Guest/Caller]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

I tried.

[Guest/Caller]

You had to play football.

[Brian Bishop]

I tried and I even applied. I wasn't one of those guys where they went like, if only he applied himself. I always wanted to be that guy.

[Tom Kenny]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

Actually, the guy I really wanted to be is this stuff is too easy for him. So he's bored. No, it was too confusing for me.

[Allison Rosen]

Does that really exist? The bad student who's bored?

[Brian Bishop]

I would love to be that guy, but no.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, most bad students are bored.

[Guest/Caller]

They told my brother.

[Allison Rosen]

That's about it, really.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

He was really good at school.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really? Yeah, but he was bored. But he was too smart. I was too dumb. I was such a shitty student.

[Joel McHale]

Well, not to toot your horn, but I will. No that. This is where. This is where public. Well, this is a perfect example of where public education didn't work, because clearly you are smart. Very smart. And if they were, just be like, he's really smart. We should try to get him to do these things that he probably would be interested in it. Seemed like that would be. I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Would have been nice because clearly in

[Joel McHale]

high school you probably were pretty close to being able to take apart a car and put it back together.

[Brian Bishop]

I assume I got more crafty as the years wore on because I had to, because that was my job and I didn't have a bunch of tools and stuff.

[Joel McHale]

Were you popular in high school?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I was like captain of the football team and class clown and a bunch of shit like that. I just went. I couldn't do school, I couldn't study, I couldn't do the grades. I couldn't spell. Did your mom care?

[Joel McHale]

No, she didn't care about that. But if you had. If you were to have regular peanut butter, she would have flipped out, right? Isn't that crazy?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Instead of unsalted, whole pressed. Yeah.

[Tom Kenny]

Raw.

[Brian Bishop]

Raw. There's nothing.

[Joel McHale]

But she'd be like, if you. You bastard.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't realize what roasting and salt does for peanuts.

[Joel McHale]

There's a reason why it caught on.

[Brian Bishop]

Peanut butter tastes like somebody chewed up garbanzo beans and spit it into your mouth. When it's not salted and it's not roasted right. And not only that, the unsalte, the raw stuff, it doesn't spread, it rolls. So as you do it on the 14 grain bread, it just rolls. It's like cat shit going through kitty litter. It actually rolls. And then I'd have to hold it down like Silly Putty. Like you're like mat it down with both hands to push it onto the bread. Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

That's where human beings do not want this.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Joel McHale]

This is why it will not be.

[Allison Rosen]

If you spit it into a baby bird's mouth, the bird would spit it back, I think.

[Brian Bishop]

And also look, if you said to an 11 year old Adam Carolla, would you like to eat this one substance that tastes like radiator repair putty or this one that has a picture of Peter Pan on it and spreads magically? But if you eat this one, you're gonna die four years earlier, I'd be like, oh, done and done. Give me the Peter Pan.

[Joel McHale]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Like I'm gonna die a happy man.

[Guest/Caller]

You're looking like a bonus. I get to eat it and I

[Brian Bishop]

get to die for years earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Joel McHale]

Did you go nuts after when you got out of. When you had your own place? You just like, I'm gonna eat Captain Crunch for a year.

[Brian Bishop]

I went nuts. I went nuts when I would go and babysit. Cause once I got left alone in somebody's pantry when they were out for the evening. I literally would open up cans of pie filling and dump them into a bowl and then dump, like, Toll House morsels and mini marshmallows on there and, like, Schmucker's jelly and, like, make it in some weird high compote. I actually told you I roasted marshmallows. Ray and I roasted marshmallows at my neighbor's house, and while one was on fire, he stuck it to the side of my face.

[Joel McHale]

Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

I had a friend who made homemade Fig Newtons with his. His friend's straightening iron. It ruined her straightening iron.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, it's like, he's in prison.

[Joel McHale]

Yes. And how many kids get together like, guys, Fig Newton time.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man, you wonder who's. I brought the figs, by the way. We had. That was one of the things. There was, like, the health food version of all the good stuff, like, Fig Newtons. They had the whole grain Fig Newton, which is, like, the whole part about the Fig Newton that was good. Was that white shortening on the.

[Joel McHale]

But who. What Kids get together like, hey, should we go get someone to get us beer?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no.

[Joel McHale]

Whole wheat Fig Newton. Fig Newtons.

[Allison Rosen]

I brought the wheat drinks.

[Joel McHale]

I also have a food dryer. You guys want to dry some peaches and some apricots?

[Allison Rosen]

So, a surfer was killed yesterday by a shark in Surf beach in Lompoc. Is it Lompoc or Lompoc?

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's Lompoc.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, Lompoc.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there we go.

[Allison Rosen]

Vandenberg Air Force Base. They don't know what kind of shark it was. They suspect a great white, but they're not sure. He was pronounced dead when the paramedics got there.

[Joel McHale]

Wait, so he was not. He was just floating, or would he have friends on shore?

[Allison Rosen]

He had a friend who dragged him onto shore, but then he was. It was too late. And here's the thing, though.

[Brian Bishop]

He was performing, like, cpr. I heard when the paramedics showed up.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but this is the second shark attack or second death from shark attack in Santa Barbara in two years. But evidently, shark attack deaths are not really that common. There's like 100 or less a year, most in the water.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a couple things. One is, I don't want to hear the guy who survives the shark attack. They always don't blame the shark. They say there's two proclamations. One, not the shark's fault. Two is, yes, I will be surfing again. I would like. Joel, you can interview me as the guy who was attacked. Viciously by the great white shark and survived. And I'll tell you how I would work it. So, Brad,

[Joel McHale]

you lost most of your leg.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And a lot of blood.

[Joel McHale]

And it's amazing that you survived the shark attack.

[Brian Bishop]

So you know who I blame?

[Joel McHale]

Who do you blame?

[Brian Bishop]

The shark. I want him killed. I want him hunted down and killed.

[Joel McHale]

The shark was just being a shark.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not gonna rest until I have one of his teeth around my neck and a choker like Jeff Probst. Kill that shark, don't you? And by the way, if you have to kill 10 other sharks that you think may be that shark in the process of getting to that shark, okay, so be it.

[Joel McHale]

Look, I don't know how we're gonna find your specific shark.

[Brian Bishop]

I need to find a Japanese guy. I feel like they know how to kill sharks.

[Joel McHale]

Okay, well.

[Brian Bishop]

And I don't want it to be. I don't want to be with a dart or tranquilizer either. I want to be the Rusty Machete. I'm pissed at that shark.

[Joel McHale]

Got one more question.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah?

[Joel McHale]

Yeah. Will you surf again?

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck no. Are you nuts? If you were fucking dismantled by shark, would you go surfing again?

[Joel McHale]

I guess you make a pretty good point.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What if. Forget about surfing, wiseacre. What if you went to the carnival and you went on that ride the Zipper.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And your little cart came off and you went sailing and you've gotten paled on something extremely sharp and almost died. And then I fucking asked you if you'd ride the Zipper again. How fucking mad would you be?

[Joel McHale]

I get what you're saying.

[Brian Bishop]

Look, are you riding the Zipper again?

[Joel McHale]

This is not a story of this story.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, then I'm not surfing again, okay? As a matter of fact, I don't even like being this close to the beach.

[Joel McHale]

Okay, look, this is local news and I am just trying to interview you and now you're screaming at me?

[Tom Kenny]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It should be called amateur hour. I want the shark dead. I want the shark's parents dead. I want the shark's kids dead. And no, I'm never going surfing again. I'm not even. You know what? I'm not even gonna channel surf. How about that?

[Tom Kenny]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. I have the use of only one leg and I watch 20 hours of TV. And I will not even channel surf. That's how against surfing I am.

[Joel McHale]

You will schedule all your viewing just to avoid the word surf.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. I will not eat surf and turf when I go to a restaurant. I will order a Lobster and a steak separately.

[Joel McHale]

And then if they try to go. Oh, if they go surf and turf, you'll be like, I'll stab them in

[Brian Bishop]

the neck with a fork.

[Joel McHale]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Any other questions?

[Joel McHale]

No, I'm pretty good.

[Brian Bishop]

Should get back to your little weather.

[Joel McHale]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

You're accuweather. And by the way, just because you put in front of it. No, it is not.

[Joel McHale]

It's very.

[Brian Bishop]

Until you put ACU in front of it doesn't mean shit to me.

[Joel McHale]

If you want to know how cold it is in Big Bear right now compared to the beaches you need Accuweather.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, I was told, according to your AccuWeather, that it would be a warm day the day I was attacked by that shark. So I decided to head out.

[Joel McHale]

You're blaming me and you know what?

[Brian Bishop]

You think it was cold. No, I was attacked because of you and your in Accuweather now. Damn you and damn the station you're on. And by the way, you're never making out of this market.

[Joel McHale]

I never.

[Brian Bishop]

You're never making it out of this market. You can have your teeth whitened as

[Joel McHale]

long as you market in the world.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know if you heard of

[Joel McHale]

a guy named Dallas Rains. Yeah, he doesn't need to go anywhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, he's beautiful suits. The only market you're gonna make it into is buy some tortillas and get out of my face. Everyone knows you're gay.

[Joel McHale]

I wish you had been beheaded by that shark.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone knows you're gay.

[Joel McHale]

I wish the shark had bitten your head.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone. No, it's okay. He would have bite you because he didn't wear. Choked on your hair. Would be like did an enormous cat swimming. Let's talk about the mouth. Look at those plugs.

[Adam Carolla]

Please.

[Brian Bishop]

You'll never leave this market. Never.

[Joel McHale]

Why don't you.

[Brian Bishop]

This has been you wax your eyebrow. Everyone knows you're co anchor. Everyone knows you're your co anchor.

[Joel McHale]

He's a beautiful man. Shut up.

[Brian Bishop]

This is about the most interesting reenactment I have ever been a part of in my life.

[Joel McHale]

We can edit this. Is he still around?

[Guest/Caller]

Hughes?

[Brian Bishop]

I think so.

[Joel McHale]

Remember how we started out as a news segment? Go ahead. We have another reenactment.

[Brian Bishop]

Why aren't we doing the news?

[Allison Rosen]

He died doing what he loved.

[Brian Bishop]

Surfing. Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

What's next?

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Yeah. So there's great. It's a great white. Or maybe it's a tiger shark or it's weird. The great thing about surfers is they're wildly dumb. And for the most part and nothing stops them from their appointed rounds.

[Allison Rosen]

Leap out. Okay. We were talking recently about the cruel joke of being human. Which is that you have to wake up every morning and you never really want to wake up.

[Brian Bishop]

Surfers early.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Early or ever.

[Joel McHale]

Whoa.

[Allison Rosen]

Surfers leap out of bed to go chase a swell.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah. I got a friend that lives in Pasadena. He will get up at three in the morning and be back. He'll be at his job at 6am after driving all the way to the beach and all the way coming back and be like I surfed for 25 minutes.

[Guest/Caller]

It was great.

[Brian Bishop]

The thing about surfing, and I've said this many times, you don't want your kid getting into surfing because it becomes a drug and a way of life. Like if you think about junkies, junkies are fairly lazy people who will get up early for some smack. You know what I mean? Like they need a hit. And surfers, some of the biggest stoner burnout late, you know, could never make it to their first or second period in high school because they were constantly stuck stoned and spicolid out and everything. We'll get up at 5am and go chase a swell anywhere. Cause that supersedes the alarm clock like that. But it's a drug. It's that powerful. Even if a shark attack happens, it's not gonna keep you out of the water because you need. It's like saying to a junkie, aren't you worried about getting hepatitis from that needle? It's like, no, I'm a junkie.

[Joel McHale]

You'll be fine.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Joel McHale]

What I don't like when I hear. Because I have a friend who search all the time and his name's Dean. He's a very. He's a think good for him. He's a. He was this terrific wrestler all through college and was great. But he goes to these beaches where the locals are pissed that you would. How dare you enter their beach that they apparently own.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joel McHale]

And then he gets challenged to fight.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Surfers are oddly aggressive. They're either Super Zen millionaire 50 year old dudes who sold their.com company and now are just chasing the swell or they're weirdo extra guys from Point Break, the Chili Peppers who want to go fight by the showers.

[Joel McHale]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

There's not the in between surfer guy. There's weird aggressive, scary surfer guy. And they all look good with their shirts off. So there's no, you know that it's always bad when the guy's shirt is pre off.

[Guest/Caller]

Those guys were played by the Red Hot Chili Peppers in Point Break.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's like, Mad Dog and yeah, there was Anthony Kiedis.

[Joel McHale]

Do you think Brian just ejaculated because he got to put in a movie reference to something?

[Guest/Caller]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

So he's mad. They used to have a thing when I was a kid. It'd be like, they would call it Vals Go home. Like your valley.

[Joel McHale]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

A Val, like your buddy in Pasadena. He's like a valley dude, and he's in there getting in on their swells. By the way, I love the idea that you can lay claim to the fucking ocean. Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

Fucking ocean that has been there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I understand.

[Joel McHale]

Familiar.

[Brian Bishop]

I understand. Like, if you own some land and there's a fishing pond on it, and that's your place, and that's where you get the trout. And then I come in there and sit next to you and crack a beer, you can go, hey, this is my fishing hole. This is my spot. We're talking about an ocean covers 70% of the planet. I don't think you can lay claim to this part of an ocean. Are you paying extra taxes?

[Joel McHale]

What's going on? Yes. If you were to bring up that argument to a surfer that was mad at you for surfing and his, he would be, well, very confused.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, also, it's hard when you're being choked out by a leash to articulate yourself as clearly as I just did.

[Allison Rosen]

This is explored in one of my favorite movies. Brian, get ready to come back to the beach.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, back to the beach with Frankie and Annette.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Guest/Caller]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they don't talked about, you know, territory and the beach.

[Joel McHale]

Brian has never seen that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, so what?

[Guest/Caller]

It's a movie Ejaculated.

[Brian Bishop]

The greatest, shortest arguments in the world is when two guys get on the same wave. Hey, dude, I'll fight. And then they both go into the water. Yeah, It's a great short argument. Also, watching guys try to fight in water is like watching drunk guys duke it out in Jell O. It's just weird slow motion, kind of

[Allison Rosen]

sloshing around, snow, synchronized swimming. Now, what do you make of women who surf? Because they're always kind of masculine.

[Brian Bishop]

They always look good shape. I'll tell you why they always look good. They always look good. Because they have the greatest legs and ass in the world. Because they're in that sort of half like that Kegel position all the time. They're the Kegel positions. And they'll wear like. It's great. The sexy look is the wetsuit, like, spring suit top with the bikini Bottom. I don't know why, but the half a bikini somehow better than whole bikini. Yeah. Like, when they're wearing the shirt and the bikini bottom, it's all sudden. It's like you're seeing them in their underpants. Whereas before, you're just seeing them in a bathing suit and then crush Kate Bosworth. Oh, Then they're always in that. They're in that. They're in that position where they're presenting themselves to you like their ass is sticking out. You know, if they were, they'd be raped.

[Joel McHale]

If they were what?

[Brian Bishop]

Baboons. They'd definitely be raped. Rape. There's no doubt.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It's just science.

[Joel McHale]

That was such an interesting way to go where you're like, if that was a baboon paddling out on that board, a group of male baboons on other boards would jump on top of her and.

[Brian Bishop]

Absolutely.

[Joel McHale]

You know what? I would like to see that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

I've seen it.

[Joel McHale]

It's called the Accused.

[Brian Bishop]

Surf's up. That's right. Pull a pinball machine out there with a pontoon ride.

[Allison Rosen]

Which would you sooner raise, a woman in half a wetsuit and a bikini or a baboon in half a wetsuit and a bikini?

[Brian Bishop]

Any port in a storm, any port in a swell.

[Joel McHale]

What country?

[Brian Bishop]

When they wear their bathing suit bottoms and then do that sort of wide stance, half squat move on there. It's exciting.

[Guest/Caller]

It's good.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's good. It's good. And also, look, let's face it, it eliminates a lot of people you don't want to see in your bathing suit. It's not. It's never like, oh, look at that morbidly obese Puerto Rican chick on her surfboard again. You don't really get that.

[Joel McHale]

But I'd see that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

I would watch that one as well.

[Allison Rosen]

Be a wide board.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't get the wide board. You just get the long.

[Joel McHale]

Did you ever surf, Adam?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I never. But see, surfing would have meant it was all the things we couldn't do because you would have a. You had to own a surfboard, which would have been $150, and that was out of the question.

[Joel McHale]

You'd have to drive.

[Brian Bishop]

Then you'd have to transport the surfboard, which you couldn't do on a bus, really, so he couldn't do.

[Joel McHale]

Great surfers feel about themselves when they've got their Jeep with the board sticking.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they love it. They love it. You add a couple of huskies or malamute to the back of that Jeep and just or and then some of those mountain bike racks. There's, like, Yakima racks up top. I like the guy who has the pickup truck but still has the mountain bike on the rack. Like, dude, this is why you own a pickup truck, right? Just throw your fucking bike in the back of the pickup truck. You need it up on full display.

[Joel McHale]

He'd be like, you never know. You never know if the haul and bike at the same time.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? All right, we good?

[Joel McHale]

What's next?

[Brian Bishop]

What's next?

[Allison Rosen]

All right. There's a man who is suing the New York public library for $5.5 million because a manager there kicked him out once because he smelled. The manager requested that he leave, and he says that he was humiliated. He had been a loyal library patron for 20 years, and he's come back a number of times, and there's never been a problem.

[Joel McHale]

He was like, I'm so loyal, I will not shower. Just to save time to get there.

[Allison Rosen]

Wipe off the book rescue.

[Brian Bishop]

And asked him to leave because he smelled.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, in a twist, he says, no, it was the branch manager who was giving off an odor. But he, the patron, never objected because he understands that such a challenge to his senses are just a fact of life in the city.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, hold on. When you have to toss somebody out of your workplace because of the fun funk, how spirited is that rock, paper, scissor game you guys have in the break room? Like, listen, there's fucking three of us, and one of us is going out there and telling old man stinky funk to get his ass out of here. And now let's go.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but it'd be, like, quiet.

[Joel McHale]

I do like. His argument is like, I didn't smell.

[Brian Bishop]

You smelled. Oh, see?

[Joel McHale]

Tables are terrible.

[Allison Rosen]

And he says the only time he's a guy who doesn't smell, the only time he ever had an odor was when he was doing long distance running. Well, first off, $5.5 million.

[Joel McHale]

So he didn't have an odor when he was long distance running?

[Allison Rosen]

No, that's the only time he's ever had an odor. But in general, he does not smell. That's what he says.

[Brian Bishop]

Couple things. First off, all libraries smell. They smell like libraries, which is a combination of, like, mildew, old, and antiquation. Like stuff we don't really need with a little mahogany tossed in. So when you open a new library, before you actually open it to the public, does someone have to come in and make it smell a little weird? Does it have to earn it? You know, there's a company called Beard Library Smell Incorporated.

[Joel McHale]

And they are busy.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to come in and, like, spray everything down. Because if I walked into a library and it didn't smell like anything, I'd be like, what's going on?

[Joel McHale]

This isn't a lie.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a trick.

[Allison Rosen]

You have to douse the microfiche, right?

[Brian Bishop]

You have to hit everything. Miss this.

[Joel McHale]

I feel like, yeah, I feel like if with these frivolous lawsuits, because they're gonna. This takes up time, and the guy might win, he might get a settlement. But I feel like five of those a year, they should put them all new. And five of those a year, they should be put before a firing squad. Just be like, oh, you can make this frivolous lawsuit. You may get something. But you. There's a small chance you'll be shot.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the way I've always wanted it to go. For the North Hollywood bank robber. The bank robber, their mom, who is this sea hag who ran a house in Pasadena where she was, like, hammering old people's Social Security checks, sued the city of Los Angeles for a wrongful death of her son, who sprayed 1300 rounds into the community. And then the cops basically let him bleed out. And she sued the city of Los Angeles. And I always wanted her brought down to the Staples center and have the mayor come out and just go, here's a. With a big foam check. And then just put a gun right under her fucking throat and just blow her head off and went. Anyone have any questions?

[Joel McHale]

She won. She.

[Brian Bishop]

She. They was thrown out. I. I don't. I don't know if it's thrown out or settled. We've been around this a million times. Because her son was left to die by the lapd. They did leave the guy to bleed

[Joel McHale]

out, but wouldn't the argument. Couldn't the argument be made that. Well, they didn't really have an opportunity to tend to him while they were looking for other shooters.

[Brian Bishop]

The problem was, is they said they thought there was a third guy who may be around, so they had to cordon off the area, right? And they wouldn't let the ambulance in. The problem is they had a bunch of helicopter pictures of the cops basically sitting around over the guy's corpse, like, leaning on the hood of the car, smoking. Like, not really, like, head on a swivel or anything like that. They're basically doing what you would do if a guy who'd just been shooting at you for the last hour and a half was lying and bleeding out. You wouldn't be like, we gotta get this Guy put back together, you'd be like, you. Yes. Bleed out. And that's what they did.

[Joel McHale]

No. I don't know. This is weird, but my. So remember that shooting? It was like a year ago, or not even a year ago, on vine and Sunset, right near the KL wine merchants, which now I'm sure would love to sponsor your show, but we knew. So. And they. And he killed that. That record executive who was just driving down the street.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Brian Bishop]

They never. Was it a guy on a bicycle or something and she was just walking down? No, there was the publicist, and now I'm thinking of another shooting. Yes, sorry, go ahead.

[Joel McHale]

Executive in a Mercedes who he just shot through his window. But. So the cops shot and killed him. And the people we knew that saw it all happen from the office building said he was clearly dead from what you could see from his. The gunshot wounds, like, to his head. But they still cuffed the body.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Joel McHale]

They cuffed him?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, morbid and weird. By the way, the case. And I don't know how many umlauts you got to put over a vow before you become a name that cannot be pronounced. Wow.

[Joel McHale]

I think that's like.

[Brian Bishop]

It was a deadlocked jury.

[Joel McHale]

An Egyptian God was suing.

[Brian Bishop]

It ended in a mistrial with the jury deadlocked, and the suit was later dropped. They agreed to dismiss the action with a waiver of malicious prosecution.

[Joel McHale]

I would love to see.

[Brian Bishop]

What is a waiver?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Guest/Caller]

Case.

[Joel McHale]

I would love to see.

[Brian Bishop]

The point is. Yeah, go ahead.

[Guest/Caller]

No, the.

[Joel McHale]

The arguments like, this poor. This thing happened to my son.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, he was a victim, an innocent victim. No, it's one of. It's. Here's. Here's how all these arguments work, and it drives me nuts. They go, listen. The attorney just goes, look, it does not matter what he did before he was shot and bleeding on the ground. You're not the judge, you're not the jury, and you're not the executioner. You're sworn to do a job, and this is the job you're supposed to do. And this was dereliction of duty you did not do. Your job is not to punish him or your job is not to judge him. Your job is to do your job, and you did not do it. And they go, yes, but he fired 1300 rounds at us, neither here nor there.

[Adam Carolla]

This is.

[Brian Bishop]

We're. We're going to just lop off that part of the story. We'll take it from the part where he was bleeding out in front of your bumper of Your Crown Vic. And now what did you do? And then they have to sit there and admit that they smoked cigarettes and let him bleed out, in which case you have a situation. Now, the notion that the mother of this fucking animal, the mother of this fucking piece of shit decided this must be brought to court. I want people to know my name and I want what my son's good name restored. That is just a little glimpse into the insane entitlement that we have in this country and just how fucked up we are. This woman, a, if she was Japanese, would have killed herself and it would have been awesome because of the shame she brought her son, brought to the family. So it would have been nice if she just killed herself, which is the dignified thing to do. But baby, her fucking posture from this point on should have been who? I don't know that guy.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, I know we both have crazy last names with 15 umlauts over the age, but that is a different master Musha Maskamak. That is not me. And I don't know who he is. So let's never speak of this again.

[Allison Rosen]

Matarasi Reanu is a common name.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, very common.

[Allison Rosen]

Smith.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's like half the people in show business.

[Joel McHale]

Well, she was ripping off old people, so she was ripping off old people.

[Brian Bishop]

My guess is she had a boarding house where evidently she was hammering some Social Security checks.

[Guest/Caller]

Malicious prosecution is basically frivolous lawsuit. Like, you're found to have abused the system, brought a lawsuit that does not have merit, that but gone beyond filing the lawsuit like you now you're taking it too far. So she got hers, basically.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we got ours. And that. That thing probably cost us 2 million bucks. Put a trial on. And let's not also forget that these guys got pulled over in Eagle Rock or Glendale. And in their car they found a police scanner, body armor, banana clips, AK47s.

[Joel McHale]

This is after they robbed a bank before.

[Brian Bishop]

Smoke grenades, ski masks and everything else. And they locked them up for two months and then returned most of shit to them.

[Allison Rosen]

Not the hair. Banana clip.

[Joel McHale]

Your kid?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, different one. And that's the chip clip. But yes. And they said, and I love this argument. They go, well, look, we didn't catch them robbing a bank. We just caught them with a police scanner, grenades, body armor, and a bunch of maps and shit like that, but we didn't catch them robbing a bank. And everyone goes, okay, My argument to those ass wipes is how come if I have more than 2 ounces of weed, I have intent to distribute? You didn't catch me distributing. Maybe I just like a lot of weed around my house. So why is it with weed it's intent to distribute with any drugs over a certain amount. Oh, you're a dealer, but you didn't catch me dealing. But you can have. You can have AK47s and police scanners. But you didn't rob the bank.

[Joel McHale]

Maybe they're going hunting. Maybe. When I go out hunting for deer, I usually throw a few smoke grenades

[Brian Bishop]

and use a scanner and body armor and police scanners. Yes.

[Guest/Caller]

Joel McHale played the branch manager of a bank that was being robbed in Spider Man 2.

[Joel McHale]

There you go, number four. Wow. How you have such incredible stamina and recovery time, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to know? It's incredible.

[Joel McHale]

Thank you for that. That really was.

[Brian Bishop]

Go to my PC. Go to my PC. They got themselves an app. Joel, you travel around a lot? Yes.

[Joel McHale]

Not as much as I was because for a while I was on tour, like you and my wife was like between community and the soup and leaving on weekends and, you know, you have a family here.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right.

[Joel McHale]

I'll do it when. When I'm not doing community, but.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Joel McHale]

And as it is, I can't go the way I was going.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but still, there's times that you're not at home and you probably wish you could get to your computer.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, sweet nipples. Go to my PC.

[Joel McHale]

I didn't realize I was part of your ad. I thought you are changing. You're part of everything. No, I don't. Don't go there.

[Brian Bishop]

Go to my PC.

[Joel McHale]

Do not go there.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's not there.

[Joel McHale]

I don't travel as much, so I am not going.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not going where?

[Joel McHale]

To my sweet whatever it is, my PC?

[Brian Bishop]

No. You go online and you sign up and then you can get your home computer. How many times you been on the set?

[Joel McHale]

Let me get this straight.

[Brian Bishop]

You're on the set. I'm on the community.

[Joel McHale]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

You and Chevy are sharing a tab with the two straws in the one can, right? Yeah. He says I gotta see some pictures of your kids. Right. I fucking love those kids. I want to know what's going on in your world. I want to see the new fireplace.

[Joel McHale]

No problem. Here's my phone.

[Brian Bishop]

And you go, oh, no, no, no.

[Joel McHale]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

You only have these pictures on your home computer.

[Joel McHale]

Why would I just keep them on my phone?

[Allison Rosen]

Because you're dumb.

[Brian Bishop]

Because you're not smart. That's why you're drinking from the same thing.

[Joel McHale]

So my PC is for dumb people.

[Brian Bishop]

It does seem like, you're.

[Joel McHale]

That's basically what you're saying.

[Brian Bishop]

It seems like you're dumb. Like, when someone. Like if you're going crazy, like when someone goes, you've been drinking from the same can as Chevy. Again, use your brain, Mikhail. Focus.

[Joel McHale]

All right, so here's the thing that showing a tab did say when we first met, when they were. They said, like, all right, we'll email you your call time. And Chevy literally goes, I can't. My email's in New York.

[Brian Bishop]

His email's in New York.

[Allison Rosen]

Can we get him in here to do this?

[Brian Bishop]

Direct quote.

[Joel McHale]

My email is in New York.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, now let's. What do you have? Do you have an iPad?

[Joel McHale]

I have. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Android?

[Joel McHale]

Nope.

[Brian Bishop]

Kindle Fire?

[Joel McHale]

Nope.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Go to my PC. It's an app. It'll work on any of those things.

[Joel McHale]

Why not just use.

[Brian Bishop]

You get to your home computer from work or your work computer from home.

[Joel McHale]

Why don't you just use the cloud?

[Brian Bishop]

Huh?

[Joel McHale]

The cloud? You know, everyone's got a cloud. Well, the Microsoft cloud and the Apple has one where you can't predict the weather. The entire thing lives in, basically, in.

[Brian Bishop]

This is better than the cloud. McLeod's that dude from high school who would always fart up the bus.

[Joel McHale]

McLeod.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the clown. Where was I? You want to try this for free, Joel McHale?

[Joel McHale]

No, I don't need it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

Stop talking.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, here's how. All you got to do is go to my PC and you can try it for free. So stop bothering me already.

[Joel McHale]

Push photos.

[Allison Rosen]

At least try it. It's free.

[Brian Bishop]

It's 45 days.

[Joel McHale]

Look, there's all sorts of stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

You use the.

[Joel McHale]

No wonder they're giving it away. 45 days of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there's that confident. 45 days free. Use the promo code, Adam. Visit.

[Joel McHale]

Go to my PC if I don't have a PC.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you can do it on your Mac.

[Joel McHale]

Well, then why would they have the word PC in their title?

[Brian Bishop]

They just call it that, but they mean PC or Mac. So you got a Mac, you got a PC?

[Joel McHale]

Is it my PC or Mac or.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Go to Abacus. Go to my Abacus. Click on the Try it Free button. Remember, use the promo code, Adam. Get on it, Joel.

[Joel McHale]

Hey, you know what I'd love is when they fold, I'd love to buy some of their office furniture.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they ain't folding, baby. They're getting bigger by the.

[Joel McHale]

I know. This will all be edited out.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it will not.

[Joel McHale]

We do not want to offend my PC. And let me just say this. I tried it for 45 days.

[Allison Rosen]

We don't. But we want to edit less.

[Joel McHale]

And it was. I'm lying.

[Brian Bishop]

Joel McHale, everybody. Wednesdays, 10 o'.

[Joel McHale]

Clock.

[Brian Bishop]

E. That's the soup. Community, season four, NBC. Been delayed. The premiere date unknown.

[Joel McHale]

Probably. Hopefully January. I don't know. That's my guess.

[Brian Bishop]

An excellent show. Do not go to his website. That's in New York. You can't get to that. Can't get.

[Joel McHale]

I need to update that thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Twitter him, though. You can tweet him at Joel McHale. Very easy.

[Joel McHale]

You need to come on the Soup soon.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd love to come on the Soup.

[Joel McHale]

All right, it's a date.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll do it. I tried. Remember that one time and that guy wouldn't let me in the building?

[Joel McHale]

Oh, my gosh. That really did happen. We're like, Adam's right. And he's just like, nah, Like, I'm not gonna.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, can you call upstairs and tell him I'm here? And he's like, no. I was like, well, how do they know I'm here? I don't know. And I'm like, well, you need to call up to the Soup and tell them I'm here. And he's like, I don't know what the number is. And I'm like, first off, do you think this is part of an elaborate ruse where I just stand in front of you and demand that you call the supe and then let me on? And then I said, well, I'll just be sitting here then. And he was like, okay. I was like, all right. And then I just sat there for like half an hour, and a producer never came down. And then I said, why don't you just call the sup number? And then whoever picks up the phone, you can ask for the segment producer. He's like, I can't do that. I don't know who. Who do I ask for? And I said, just whoever picks up the phone. I don't have a name. I don't know. And then at a certain point, I said, okay, I'm going to leave now, and I will not be on the suit tonight. And when a producer comes down here at some point looking for me, you can tell them that I sat here and that I'm now leaving. And he went, okay. And I turned around and left.

[Joel McHale]

I was so furious.

[Brian Bishop]

That was awesome.

[Joel McHale]

He. That is. I screamed. I was so mad.

[Brian Bishop]

He seemed like the guy kind of guy. You wouldn't want to mess with if he told you. If he. If he was surfing. Yeah, you would definitely.

[Joel McHale]

But my guess is, judging from most security guards, they're not necessarily in shape.

[Brian Bishop]

They're not beach people. Joel McHale, everyone tweet him.

[Joel McHale]

So sorry about that.

[Brian Bishop]

Joel McHale. That doesn't matter.

[Joel McHale]

We're gonna just totally do it to you next time. How come you didn't go, hey, why don't you just type in your computer? Adam Carolla, Just for fun, free time.

[Brian Bishop]

I like to just let people attempt to do their job, and if they don't, I'll just leave. Like, I've done red carpets, where they go, you're doing the red carpet. And then I get to the back of the red carpet, and the security guy's like, you can't come through this way. And I go, well, I was told to come through. Then they go, no, you can't. And I always go, okay. And then I just. I'll go home, and then I'll just tell whoever. Well, security guard said no, and then I'll see what happened. But you shouldn't have to. Like, like, people should do their jobs without you dropping your name or threatening to fire them.

[Giovanni]

They should just.

[Brian Bishop]

Just do their jobs because it's their job.

[Joel McHale]

All right, Anyway, I agree. 100. I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, Joe.

[Joel McHale]

They fired the entire security force.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll do the soup as soon as we can. So until next time, Sam Crawler. Oh, Jesus Christ. Where are we? You're everywhere, man. Oh, boy. Yeah. All right. Oh, Brian's brain tumor. Walk, everyone.

[Guest/Caller]

It's Sunday.

[Brian Bishop]

That is Sunday. That is this Sunday, October 28th at the LA Coliseum. And you can go to Brian with a Y, Bishop.com.

[Joel McHale]

and if you want to just make him drop to his knees, go. I wonder what post apocalyptic movie was shot in this Coliseum.

[Guest/Caller]

Oh, no.

[Brian Bishop]

I have to say, Escape from LA

[Joel McHale]

just falls down.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice, huh? All right, Graham Parker on tomorrow. Very excited. Graham Parker's project here tomorrow. So until next time, this is. Oh, Town Hall Hall, New York City, coming up on Saturday, November 10th.

[Joel McHale]

And the Warner Theater in D.C. theater, November 8th. You know, Comedy Cubs Comedy Club in San Francisco. Four shows.

[Brian Bishop]

You're talking about. Why don't. Oh, yeah, I wouldn't do.

[Podcast Host]

Boring.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Oh, sorry. Until next time. D. Carroll for Joel McHale, Al and Bald Brian saying mahalo.

[Podcast Host]

All right, it was Adam Car Show 941 with Joel McHale from 2012. That does it for today's Crow Classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment until then, mahalo and get it on.

[Giovanni]

Foreign. Hello and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman the Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Brian Bishop]

Fantastic.

[Giovanni]

The Matrix Trilogy.

[Joel McHale]

Welcome to the Real world Mean Girls.

[Brian Bishop]

Start up Tight. I'm the King of the World.

[Giovanni]

And so much more. For Showtimes press nothing. They're free 24.

[Adam Carolla]

7 that is so fast.

[Giovanni]

On Pluto TV. Stream now pay Never.

[Brian Bishop]

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[Giovanni]

If you knew the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman the Legend of Ron Burgundy Fantastic. The Matrix Trilogy welcome to the Real world, Mean Girls. Shut up Titanic.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm the Key In a World.

[Giovanni]

And so much more. For Showtime's press nothing. They're free 24.

[Adam Carolla]

7 that is so effective on Pluto TV.

[Giovanni]

Stream now pay Never.