John Mulaney + Rich Eisen (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show — Carolla Classics: John Mulaney + Rich Eisen (December 14, 2025)

Episode Overview

This "Carolla Classics" episode is a curated montage of standout moments from the long-running Adam Carolla Show. Classic segments feature comedian John Mulaney and sports broadcaster Rich Eisen, along with other comedic heavy-hitters including Greg Fitzsimmons, Joe Walsh, and Allison Rosen. The episode delivers Adam's signature mix of sharp, irreverent humor, cultural commentary, nostalgic reflections, and frank discussions, ranging from pop culture and politics to music and parenting.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Mandatory Ebola Quarantine & Political Posturing

(00:55–08:19)

• The panel discusses the controversy over mandatory quarantine for health workers returning from Ebola hot zones, focusing on the case of nurse Kaci Hickox.
• Allison recounts the conditions Hickox endured and the backlash from politicians like Chris Christie.
• Adam skewers politicians for exploiting such topics for votes, satirizing their self-aggrandizing "safety at all costs" rhetoric.

Memorable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (01:50): "No fucking cable. Oh no, I'm sorry, you don't do that to another American."
• Greg Fitzsimmons (05:11): "I'm gonna block a bridge and block an artery. Gotta get out of here."

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2. Ebola Paranoia & Bridal Shop Panic

(05:59–08:08)

• The team riffs on public hysteria after an Ebola-infected nurse visited an Ohio bridal shop, forcing it to close temporarily.
• The segment morphs into absurdity about the cleanliness of wedding gowns and origins of bridal veils as disease protection.

Memorable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (06:23): "Because it looks like a mortuary. It looks like a mortuary."
• Greg Fitzsimmons (07:54): "Save only the brides, and then all the men should be able to have sex with them, really. To make sure that they're as productive as possible."

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3. Adam & Greg on Medical Gowns and Hospital Policies

(08:19–11:40)

• Allison Rosen narrates the indignities of wearing two hospital gowns for surgery. Adam riffs on the illogic of hospital underpants rules.
• Tangents include sitcom pigs (Green Acres' Arnold) and the logistics of surgery attire.

Notable Banter:

• Adam Carolla (10:35): "[Trying to put on hospital pants after surgery] ... both legs through the same hole. You know what I mean? Drooling and flopping about, back, asshole and sack hanging out, door cracked open."

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4. In-Studio with Joe Walsh: Sobriety, Guitar Heroes, and the Eagles

(12:51–36:01)

• Joe Walsh recounts going sober after years of excess and chaos in his rock-star days.
• Adam marvels at Walsh’s storied career in the James Gang and the Eagles, his musical evolution, and personal redemption.
• Walsh details the inner politics, creative tensions, and wild days of the Eagles, underscored by his humility and comedic timing.

Top Quotes:

• Joe Walsh (13:42): "I'm sober. I'm 18 years sober."
• Adam Carolla (18:28): "Infiltrate the Eagles—how did that work?"

Music & Culture:

• Adam praises “Walk Away” and "In the City" as defining Walsh moments.
• Inside tales: How band changes and their desire for more "rock and roll" led Walsh to join the Eagles; band democracy ("democratic dictatorship") and legendary songwriting.

Industry Changes:

• Walsh laments the digital age's impact on music royalties and challenges facing modern musicians.
• Ringo Starr, Jeff Lynne, and David Crosby's role in his later solo work get highlighted.

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5. Celebrity, Digital Age & The Legacy of Rock

(36:07–49:43)

• The group reflects on the transformation of the music business, the decline of physical album sales, and the rise of direct-to-fan models (e.g., Radiohead).
• Key comparison: Jeff Lynne (underrated) vs. Bob Dylan (overrated—recurring Carolla riff).
• Joe Walsh tells tales of touring excess, bass legend John Entwistle ("loudest thing I ever heard"), and partying with Keith Moon.
• Adam lauds the pre-AIDS, mid-cocaine era as a "golden age" for rock debauchery.

Memorable Moments:

• Adam Carolla (30:15): “The best time to be around and especially in a rock band is pre aids, mid Coke."
• Joe Walsh (34:54): "Jeff Lynne... He played everything on the ELO albums."

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6. News Roundtable with Allison Rosen

(36:18–49:53)

• Bizarre news stories: Company accidentally fires its whole staff by email; Helen Keller-branded sunglasses in China.
• Joe Walsh jokes about his "undercover CIA operative" status in the Eagles and his quixotic run for President.
• The Pizza Hut Middle East cheeseburger-crust pizza leads to riffs on global junk food culture, marketing, and terrorism.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (39:45): "This is gonna solve this terrorist problem when we get them as fat as USA, the explosive vest isn't gonna fit anymore."

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7. Joe Walsh on Family, Marriage Changes & Next-Gen Creatives

(59:31–64:44)

• Walsh reflects on his children, including one training as an opera singer and another gigging at the Roxy.
• Discusses the emotional song "Family" from his new solo album, crediting his wife Marjorie for ushering in a happier, more introspective phase of his life.

Heartfelt Moment:

• Joe Walsh (64:29): "Yeah, she's like the part of me that was missing."
• Adam Carolla (64:35): "You know what? That's beautiful. And I'd like to credit Marjorie for my book as well."

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8. Parenting, Nature vs. Nurture, and Family Dynamics

(149:49–184:44)

• Longtime theme: Are parenting and environment truly deterministic, or are people wired from the start?
• Carolla and Greg Fitzsimmons dissect their own childhoods, parental indifference ("lazy guest" story), and the immutable personalities of their kids.
• Hilarious and vulnerable stories about Carolla’s daughter rejecting cuddles because "he makes farties"; discussion of whether parental effort or innate temperament drives outcomes.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (144:10): “She hasn't developed a super ego. She's all in."
• Greg Fitzsimmons (182:59): "If you're bad at math, you're going to be bad at math at 13 and 113. So fuck it."

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9. Classic Callers, Marriage Comedy, and Behind-the-Scenes Jokes

(80:45–84:53; 151:59–162:44)

• Callers pitch soap businesses and ask about marriage dynamics and comedic sign-offs (“zip it cunt”).
• Adam lampoons TV reality show formats (“one drunken super rich guy on Shark Tank”), and guests riff on the absurdities of domestic quirks and the perils of booking uninteresting guests.

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10. John Mulaney on Upbringing, SNL, and Working with Comedy Icons

(74:47–100:26)

• Mulaney shares his path from Georgetown to SNL writer, being raised by two lawyers, and his stand-up origins.
• Talks openly about working alongside comedy legends (Elliott Gould, Martin Short), with stories of awe, humility, and the dual thrill/pressure of creating comedy with "Ferraris."
• Deep dive into the bizarre world of public-access interviewer Skippy Low, which Adam and Mulaney analyze for its inadvertent absurdism.

Notable Quotes:

• John Mulaney (100:11): "Driving a Ferrari with really famous people... any scrape I make, everyone notices."

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11. Referee Scandals and NFL Replay Fiascos (Rich Eisen Segment)

(192:47–207:04)

• Adam brings in Rich Eisen to break down the NFL’s 2012 replacement referee controversy, dissecting the infamous Green Bay/Seattle “Fail Mary” game.
• They query the complexities of replay mechanics, judgment calls, the psychology of “not enough proof” verdicts, and propose tongue-in-cheek fixes ("Bring out the gimp!").

Memorable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (206:44): "I prefer to think of him as the Gimp from Pulp Fiction. Break out the Gimp!"

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Selected Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Adam Carolla on Politicians:
  "Politicians talking about bees and trees. It's no good. They don't get any traction with that." (05:28)

• Joe Walsh on Sobriety:
  "I'm sober. I'm 18 years sober." (13:42)

• Adam Carolla's Music Industry Rant:
  "It was corrupt and the record companies were crooked, but at least they paid you something, right? Now nobody pays you anything." (23:34)

• Joe Walsh on Family:
  "Yeah, she's like the part of me that was missing." (64:29)

• Greg Fitzsimmons on Parenting:
  "If you're bad at math, you're going to be bad at math at 13 and 113. So fuck it. Yeah, get an accountant and then do something where you excel." (182:59)

• Adam Carolla’s Replay Idea:
  "Put your head under the hood, see the replay, make the call. And if somebody said... did they call an interception or a touchdown? I'd say, none of your fucking business. Go put your head under the hood and tell me what you see." (202:24)

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Episode Tone & Style

Consistent with The Adam Carolla Show’s legacy, this episode is energetic, unfiltered, and rapid-fire. Witty, critical, and at times profane, the panelists combine genuine insight with a relentless comedic perspective. The conversation freely leaps from pop culture and sports to relationships and personal anecdotes, blending sharp satire with moments of real sincerity and human connection.

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Ebola Quarantine Debate: 00:55–08:19
• Joe Walsh Interview (Eagles & Music): 12:51–36:01, 36:07–49:43
• Joe Walsh’s Family Reflections: 59:31–64:44
• Parenting & Nature vs. Nurture: 149:49–184:44
• John Mulaney Segment: 74:47–100:26
• NFL Replacement Referee Scandal (Rich Eisen): 192:47–207:04

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Conclusion

This Carolla Classics compilation is a robust sampler of the Adam Carolla Show’s best: a carousel of rapid banter, deeply candid (and edgy) comedy, cultural critique, and classic Americana stories from the fringes of showbiz and suburbia alike. Listeners get an unfiltered window into the minds of stand-up icons, music legends, and the everyday absurdities that keep Carolla and his fans coming back.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Cruel Classics.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast we play the best moments and highlights from all 16.

[Brian Bishop]

Years of the Alan Corolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a companion podcast titled Cruel.

[Brian Bishop]

Classics available exclusively through podcast1dotplus.

[Adam Carolla]

Sign up and get the ad free archives and if you'd like to get the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew.

[Brian Bishop]

Show, or you just want exclusive access.

[Adam Carolla]

To the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamkorolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us.

[Brian Bishop]

Classicsamcorola.Com alright, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Crolla Show 1440.

[Adam Carolla]

Featuring Greg Fitzsimmons, Allison Rosen and Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Bishop from October of 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so there's some debate about whether there should be an involuntary quarantine for people who arrive, for medical workers who arrive back in the States after having been in West Africa helping with Ebola over there. And a woman, Casey Hickok, a nurse who was placed under mandatory quarantine in New Jersey has went, she went on CNN and she was very upset about what she caused the knee jerk reaction by politicians to quarantine someone without better plan in place, without more forethought. It's just preposterous. And she feels like her human rights have been violated. She's tested negative for Ebola two or three times. She has no symptoms, but she was still put immediately in a tent and wasn't allowed to talk to a lawyer, not allowed to have her luggage. She was given paper scrubs to wear. She said she had no shower, no flushable toilet, and the hospital gave her no television or reading material.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, now wait a minute. This is where I step in. No fucking cable. Oh no, I'm sorry, you don't do that to another American.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'll sit around in a paper mache dress and take a shit into a.

[Adam Carolla]

Bucket, but I gotta have some cable.

[Allison Rosen]

The hospital said the patient has computer access, use of her cell phone, reading material, magazines, newspapers as requested, and has received takeout food and drink. And then she said the tent has a window and doctors talk to her in normal clothes from outside the window. So there's no risk of to them talking to me outside the window. It doesn't make any sense that my lawyer wouldn't be able to do the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, she's caught up. Here's the problem first off, people that have been infected have been on flights and no one on the flight got whatever it is. So I don't, I'm not that worried about it. On the other hand, nobody wants to be the one who said, oh, you're cool. Go on the cruise or hit the mall or go to Epcot center and then have a breakout. So that can't happen on anyone's watch. So everyone just has to be basically like a lawyer who works for a network who just goes, no, you can't say that and you can't do that and you can't use that because there is no reward. No one finds the person and goes, who let that person go about their life? They should get an award because that person did not never spread it. But if you do spread it, that person will be fired.

[Allison Rosen]

It's sort of. It's become a conflict between politicians and the medical community and the disease community, because the nation's top infectious disease expert is warning that if you do this, if you do this mandatory 21 day quarantine, which is unnecessary, you're going to discourage volunteers from traveling to the danger zone. But then politicians, especially Chris Christie has been very vocal about this, are like, we can't take any chances. So he gave a news conference Saturday. He said, I'm sorry if in any way she, the nurse was inconvenienced. But inconvenience that could occur from having folks that are symptomatic and ill out amongst the public is a much, much greater concern of mine. I hope she recovers quickly. And then she said she has nothing recover from. She's fine, her temperature is normal, there's nothing wrong with her.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, he's the, he's just the greatest guy to ingest almost no knowledge before making statements. He's famous for that. And it's. Well, the other thing they worry about is that if you make it such a nightmare to come back, people are just gonna lie, oh, I wasn't over there. I didn't help anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and the part I hate is the part of the people that are doing the Lord's work are the ones getting punished with no table stateside or Ebola.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Cruel news.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but look, politicians, this is a perfect, this is a perfect case for politicians, which is, I'm not gonna travel over there and do shit. I'm never gonna have to sit in a fucking tent stateside for three weeks. So I'm gonna make these sweeping proclamations about the safety of Americans being number one. And on my watch, I don't Even if someone has to be inconvenienced by my number one job is the safety of the people, my community. You know. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Votes, Votes. Votes. Hero. Hero. Hero. And then he's gonna go down block a bridge and get some ice cream. Now I've gotta go block a bridge and get some ice cream. I need some soft swirl and I gotta block a bridge. If Ebola doesn't, he should end every news conference with that. I need a soft swirl cone and I gotta block a bridge. Excuse me. And he just gets up and waves.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm gonna block a bridge and block an artery. Gotta get out of here.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Undermines the message a little bit. You should try it.

[Adam Carolla]

Try it.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Give it a shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So this is perfect for politicians because no one's gonna get it. No one really. It's.

[Allison Rosen]

If it wasn't all over the news, we would have no idea any of this is going on. Like it could not affect the majority.

[Adam Carolla]

Of people less statistically. You being killed by bees is much. Is a much greater statistically for your demise from a swarm of bees. I'm sure when this whole thing blows over in this time period, there will be more people killed by bees and falling trees than there will be Ebola. But this is great for politicians, cuz politicians talking about bees and trees. It's no good. They don't get any traction with that. They don't see my camera.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's not trending. I can only make a comment on what's trending.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of the Ebola fear, here's a story that I wanted to get to last week, but I didn't have a chance. But there was an Ohio bridal shop that the nurse, one of the nurses who came down with Ebola had. She was engaged and she visited that bridal shop before coming down with Ebola. And business for that bridal shop completely shut down for a little while because everyone was afraid to go to this bridal shop called Coming Attraction.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it looks like a mortuary. It looks like a mortuary. There's some windows in there, man.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Show off the goods.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? You can come see our dresses and never leave.

[Adam Carolla]

It does look really.

[Allison Rosen]

It does very. I wonder if it was a mortuary before.

[Adam Carolla]

This marriage is gonna last forever. Cause you're never fucking leaving this casket.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Maybe they should combine. The two times are tough. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

One stop shopping. I don't know why. I don't know what a mortuary even looks like. But this bridal shop looks like a mortuary.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it looks sort of like a chapel. Yes, this one does.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So business has dropped off because she's. Because it turns well.

[Allison Rosen]

So they did this whole UV cleansing thing, which the CDC said they didn't need to do, but they wanted to do it for appearances, so that people would feel comfortable coming back in there. Although, again, looking at this photo, no one should be comfortable going in there, to be honest.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're leaving, you're not coming out, you're not coming out. And besides, anyone who knows anything about science knows that chiffon is super fertile soil for disease. Yeah, it's a breeding ground for disease.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Plus, you're wearing a veil. How are you gonna catch anything?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good point, you know, I.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Mean, that's why they actually started the veils, because wedding gowns started during the first plague. And so they said, we gotta save. If we could save anybody, let's save the brides. Because really, they're gonna have the baby. Yeah. I mean, if we're gonna keep humanity going.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Save only the brides, and then all the men should be able to have sex with them, really. To make sure that they're as productive as possible.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's why they don't have a back.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what the veil's for.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. There's no back on those wedding dresses, if you've noticed.

[Adam Carolla]

But ultimately, this is going to be a windfall for this place. Right. Because it gets in the news, people talk about it, people get outraged, and you lost a couple of weeks of work.

[Allison Rosen]

But a bowl of fans. A bowl of fans will be throwing themselves through the doors. Speaking of butless gowns, I completely forgot to mention that when I had my uterus procedure some weeks ago. I don't know if you know about this, Greg, but I know you knew about the one I had a couple of years ago. I had to have some. They thought they were fibroids. Turns out they were polyps. Doctor described it as like scraping mushrooms off the inside of my uterus.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, that wasn't painful. It's the pig that found them. That was the uncomfortable part of the procedure. I think they have dogs that can do it now, too. That's what I'm saying. Not only was it embarrassing, and I call it inappropriate, but obviously painful because.

[Allison Rosen]

They gave me a pill to put in my.

[Adam Carolla]

Arnold, come here, boy.

[Allison Rosen]

They gave me a pill to put up my vagina first to soften my cervix so it would dilate more. But they didn't tell me it's to Fit a pig.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, they always keep the snout on the sort of down low.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What they do is they scare the pig. They stand behind the pig.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

What do they yell?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They yell, if you turn around, you're bacon. So he just goes nostril first in your vagina?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's E.B. and Mr. Ziffle. I don't know. It's a Green acres thing.

[Allison Rosen]

So Wilbur 200.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the only famous pig in a sitcom as far as I know. Was from Green Acres. I think his name was Arnold.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

In a sitcom. You're probably right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, the Dukes of Hazzard may have had something.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Probably was Hogg. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

His name was Arnold.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Wait, wait, there's Honey Boohoo's mom.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry. How dare you?

[Allison Rosen]

So anyway, when they had me put the gown on, I forgot to mention they gave me two gowns, and they said, put one on forward and one on backwards.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know if that was. Is that. You're nodding.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

That's a good way to prevent things from spilling out, because those things always have the opening in front or back.

[Allison Rosen]

So two.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like you're wearing a little bathrobe.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It was smart. I had never seen that before.

[Adam Carolla]

I could just come up with a butt.

[Allison Rosen]

With a non. They could come up with a butt full gown.

[Adam Carolla]

So is it like when you take two ball caps, go forward and backwards, make it do Sherlock Holmes hat.

[Allison Rosen]

It was like that, but with hospital gowns, there's a lot of fabric is what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

I never got that. I got the give me your underpants. When you had to have the. I had to have wrist surgery, you know, and they're like, give us your underpants for wrist surgery. That's what I said. And I said the way they do wrist surgeries, they lay you out on a gurney and they strap you to a sandwich board, and they strap your arm down because they don't want you flailing about in the middle of their surgery. And I was like, my hand could not get further away from my junk. And why do you need my underpants? And they're like, there's elastic in the band. There could be a static electric charge, and your underpants could literally catch on fire. And I just said, where's the box? Because I will sign that box. I will signature. I'll put my initials in the box. If my junk bursts into flames during this procedure, you will not be held liable. Now, look, you know, put a cigarette out on my sack, then we got a problem. But if the electrostatic charge causes my underpants to burst into flames, it will not cost this facility a penny. But where's the option?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You are willing to indemnify them, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Did they cut you? No.

[Adam Carolla]

And then of course it's smash cut to drugged up me with a club on my hand after the surgery in the back room, attempting to get my both legs through the same hole. You know what I mean? Drooling and flopping about, back asshole and sack hanging out, door cracked open. It's like, Cor, I could have kept my underp. All right, this adam crow show, 1440. Coming up next, we have adam k show 808, featuring joe walsh, david wild, allison rosen and brian bishop from april of 2012. Joe Walsh in Studio. That's Funk 50, by the way, which I do believe. Yes. Can be found on the new CD the Analog man, available as we speak. Go get it on Amazon, click through our website and let's keep the love train rolling. Good to see you, David Wilde. Good to see you, Joe Walsh.

[Brian Bishop]

Great to see you and great to be here with one of my rock and roll heroes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was just watching Joe on YouTube just tear it up from his younger days as somebody just twittered me. That's the great thing about the information we're living in, the age we're living in is someone can go, you want to see a 30 year old Joe Walsh up on stage just doing his thing and then someone just pops it right to you and you hit a button. I know you don't go to a library anymore.

[Joe Walsh]

No, there's so much of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Joe Walsh]

I like to like look around and see which one I'm the most smashed on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, I was gonna say you're, you're very lucid now and I don't, I never knew about drugs or sobriety or what have you. But are you, what do you have? And do you, do you talk about it? I mean, are you sober?

[Joe Walsh]

I'm sober. I'm 18 years sober.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. And thank you.

[Joe Walsh]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's amazing. And did you spend a lot of time on stage, not sober? Yeah. What were you on? When you're on stage, what do you have?

[Joe Walsh]

Whatever you have.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the thing about music that always, always made me envious because as a stand up, I don't think I could, you know, I can have a coup Miller Lights and go out there, but if I get good and shit faced, I'm gonna start slurring and the jokes aren't gonna work and I'm gonna lose my shit. And I feel like Jimi Hendrix could as high as he fucking wanted and the shit would be even better.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

For what?

[Joe Walsh]

Although. Although I have seen some Hendrix footage also.

[Adam Carolla]

Where? Not so. Not so much.

[Joe Walsh]

I don't know what tuning he was in right now.

[Adam Carolla]

When did you start? Let's go back with Joe Walsh. Where did it all begin?

[Joe Walsh]

I went to high school in Montclair, New Jersey, outside of New York. And I played clarinet for a while. One of those horrible metal clarinets.

[Adam Carolla]

Just ties a kite. Playing that clarinet in the marching band beaked out of your brain.

[Joe Walsh]

No, no, no. I was only.

[Adam Carolla]

Olivian Shale, 14 years old. Yeah. Not in step with the rest of the band.

[Joe Walsh]

So then I played oboe for a while. That was pretty good. Sure, that was pretty good. I got a lot of attention.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, chicks loving oboe. Yeah, yeah, I like all.

[Joe Walsh]

No, as a matter of fact, I. It occurred to me I'm never going to get any chicks playing oboe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

So I. I decided to play guitar. And I didn't get any chicks doing that either, but I had a lot more fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And first band then. So you get out of high school?

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, I went to college in Kent, Ohio, at Kent State.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Joe Walsh]

And that's when I got into a band. Like, there was about three or four bars downtown that all had bands in them, and I got into one of those bar bands and we played, I don't know, three sets a night, four nights a week. And that's when I put in my 10,000 hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Yeah. As they say.

[Joe Walsh]

Okay, so then that was real good. And eventually, from Kent, Ohio, which was near Akron, I ended up joining a Cleveland band called the James Gang.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So they were there before you got there?

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, the James Gang. Was.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there somebody fronting that band that went on to do something else?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Glenn someone. Right?

[Joe Walsh]

Glenn Schwartz.

[Adam Carolla]

Glenn Schwartz, yeah. You know Glenn, he's a household name. Yeah. My kid's got his poster up their ceiling.

[Joe Walsh]

Well, not the Glenn Schwartz.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Different.

[Adam Carolla]

Glenn Schwartz.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, different one.

[Brian Bishop]

The best Jews hard player in Akron.

[Joe Walsh]

Well, Glenn. Glenn was the hottest guitar player in Cleveland. He was. And he left to go to Los Angeles to make it, and so I had to fill his shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I think, by the way, I think. I think Walk Away is just one of the greatest guitar licks ever. Like, I just. It's so. It's raw, it's a little rough around the edges, but it's just such a great. It's Got a groove to it. It's just. It's just got a great lick. Yeah, just fucking love that lick. Yeah, and I love in the City too, by the way, which I don't know if that's you solo or there's some, some of the James Gang involved with that or not.

[Joe Walsh]

No, that was, that was solo. That was for a movie called the Warriors. Did you ever see the Warriors?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Joe Walsh]

Real good movie. Yeah, it was the soundtrack of that. So it was never really released as a, as a single or anything. But then later we decided to redo it and it became an Eagles song.

[Adam Carolla]

And how, how did you get pulled into the Eagles? How did that work or how did you infiltrate the Eagles?

[Joe Walsh]

Infiltrate? Well, I had this solo career and it was pretty good, right? But I got. There's a lot of non musical stuff that comes along with that, right? Doing the business and hiring and firing and writing and so, I mean, it was okay. I was having a good time, but I kind of figured, well, now I know about that. I kind of like to be in a band again, right? So I was kind of thinking that way. And in the meantime, the Eagles were maybe starting to pay.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you know you can opt out.

[Allison Rosen]

Of winter with VRBO? Save up to $1,500 for booking a month long stay with thousands of sunny homes. Why subject yourself to the cold? Just filter your search by monthly stays and save up to $1,500.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Book now at vrbo.com paint themselves in.

[Joe Walsh]

The corner as a, as a country rock band, right? And they wanted to go in a little bit more of a rock and roll direction. That's what they wanted to do. And their guitar player named Bernie Leddon was a real acoustic guitar, finger picking folk music purist, right? And he didn't want to go more rock and roll, right? So he was unhappy. So right about then we were all living in the same car and we decided that Bernie would step out. And I really thought that the Eagles have great vocals. And I thought if I could play some rock and roll guitar with those vocals, that could be really interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

And if I could say something that Joe wouldn't say when he joined the Eagles, they went from, by Henley's own admission, a band that was, I think, cited for loitering at their own concerts, a charisma deficit to one of the great, like a really great rock band. Because Joe is, in addition to being one of my, I think, one of the greatest guitarists of all time. He's an unstoppable showman. And adding that sort of rock and roll. Balls to the Eagles, really, I think, is what made it work.

[Joe Walsh]

Hotel California came out of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Joe, you seem like you have a sense of humor about yourself, and rock and roll always had sort of a sexuality and an attitude, but never really had a sense of humor. And I think it was always fun that you sort of brought a sense of humor to it, and I don't know where that comes from, but there seems to be a lot of bravado in rock and roll, and you don't seem to bring that to the table, which is sort of refreshing for guys who have a sense of humor.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, well, I. I got to keep it light.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why? Why shouldn't you?

[Joe Walsh]

You got to have fun. If you're not having fun, something's wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so it was fun at the beginning with the Eagles, right? And then eventually got miserable, or how'd that work?

[Joe Walsh]

No, it was fun. It was always fun. We're just for real, dominant kind of alpha guys, right? And we're all four lead singers, right? And we all, like, have our opinions, and sometimes there's some friction.

[Adam Carolla]

Who wrote Witchy Woman?

[Joe Walsh]

Don and Glenn.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I gotta go after those guys. I gotta put a bounty on their head for Witchy Woman. Could you. Could you just be, like, a conscientious objector when it comes to the concerts? And they go like, all right, we're going over the set list, and they're like, all right. Desperado. New kid in town, Witchy Woman. Can you just go, I'm out. I'm not playing Witchy Woman.

[Joe Walsh]

No, I can't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna sit out on Witchy Woman. I'll come back then. Then when we come back for the next song. But I can't do Witchy Woman.

[Joe Walsh]

No, we do that.

[Adam Carolla]

There's kids in the audience.

[Joe Walsh]

We don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you doing Witchy Woman in the set? Coming up, May 2nd, by the way. 2nd and the 4th Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in. What is that? Alpharetta. I don't know how to pronounce that.

[Joe Walsh]

Atlanta.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, that's Atlanta. Sure looks different than Atlanta. But it's in Georgia, that much I can tell you. Oh, when you read it, you're not gonna. You're not gonna laugh, like, hardly.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Alpharetta.

[Adam Carolla]

Alpharetta.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

That's what it says to me.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Alpharetta, Georgia.

[Joe Walsh]

Alpharetta.

[Allison Rosen]

I preferred to think you couldn't read it.

[Adam Carolla]

It would have been awesome if it was Atlanta. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

I was gonna have a hearty laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Because Atlanta. Atlanta just spelled itself phonetically somehow, knowing a lot of stupid people would move to the state at some point or move to the city at some point.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It's like how. Like the. The Great Western Forums in Inglewood, but it's just Los Angeles to everyone else in the world. But, like, we know as Inglewood, Right? Sure, it's an Alpharetta, Georgia, but Atlantic everyone else.

[Adam Carolla]

So where do you. Where do you live, Joe, you.

[Joe Walsh]

I live wherever I wake up.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you gonna wake up tomorrow?

[Joe Walsh]

I don't know. Maybe your house.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. You and Teresa. I like that. I mean, Allison. Now, you screwed me up because she was in last night. Sorry.

[Joe Walsh]

I live up above Beverly Hills, about halfway up to.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet. Are you good? Are you set for life? Do you need to work anymore with all the publishing and royalties and whatnot?

[Joe Walsh]

Well, that all dried up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it did?

[Joe Walsh]

What? Haven't you heard? The digital age ate the record company.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but what about, like, selling stuff for, like, you know, car commercials and movies and things like that? It's good money for.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, there's good money. There's good money. Yeah. I'm okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

You know, I feel sorry for the young musicians now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you were in when it was going good.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, well, it was corrupt and the record companies were crooked, but at least they paid you something, right? Now nobody pays you anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. It's so fucked up. But you can go the Radiohead route now, where you just go out and do your own thing and put it up there and tell the fans to pay what they think it's worth and you make more money.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

[Adam Carolla]

How about you?

[Joe Walsh]

You know, you don't have to do this. You could just race cars.

[Adam Carolla]

I could make a nice living just racing cars. No. That is the most expensive, horrible hobby on the planet. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a question. And the egos with all the alpha, how did you guys make decisions? Did each person get a vote, or was it majority rule or.

[Joe Walsh]

Well, it's Don and Glenn's band, and I joined their band and.

[Allison Rosen]

So you were three fifths a person.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a democratic dictatorship.

[Adam Carolla]

You know how I would argue with those guys? Here's how I would argue with those guys every single time they went, look, I think we should open this way or go this direction. I'd say. All right, so I'm having a disagreement from the two guys who thought it'd be a good idea to write Witchy Woman. Interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam can't really emotionally move past Witchy Woman.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I cannot say anything. Just press play.

[Adam Carolla]

I just pressed play so I'd go, all right. So you two geniuses thought this would be a good idea. In what year. Hi. Were you?

[Brian Bishop]

The good thing, Adam, is you don't ever have to listen to Witchy Woman again. You could listen to Analog man, Joseph. Brand new.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. And I wish that was true. But when we were in Minnesota and we were on the road, I heard five Eagles songs in about a nine hour period with Mike lynch in the hotel, in the elevator, wherever we were. And one of them was Witchy Woman. Someone write a song like, you know, you know, in the City. I like that song. But someone ought to write a song called in the Elevator because it'd be really. It just. It'd be surreal.

[Joe Walsh]

In the elevator.

[Adam Carolla]

I've heard a lot of songs about being in places, but never elevator. And they have elevator music. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Aerosmith is cornering the market on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See if you can make elevator work instead of city. I know there's a couple more syllables.

[Joe Walsh]

What rhymes with elevator?

[Adam Carolla]

David?

[Brian Bishop]

Not enough. Loving an elevator was, I think, pretty much exhausted the. The sexual exciting possibilities.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. There was a song about an elevator. Yeah, that's right.

[Joe Walsh]

I forgot about what about Witchy Elevator.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's a possessed elevator.

[Joe Walsh]

Would that work?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it only goes to the 13th floor when there isn't one. That's right. The. Yes, the Joe.

[Brian Bishop]

You need to understand that, Adam, I know you're a fan from watching him on TV and other things, but in the music he has issues with, beyond Witchy Woman. Bob Dylan. Not much of a fan. I think you like the Beatles, fortunately.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I love the Beatles. Listen, my Bob Dylan beef is not that there's anything wrong with Bob Dylan. It's just I don't particularly like his voice. He doesn't seem like he can play the harmonica. His songs are his. He's a good lyricist. But I think John Hyde is better. And I just like, John Hyde is a better singer, performer, songwriter. And I don't get why we all have to worship at the altar of Bob Dylan. Like, that's my whole thing. Bob Dylan's completely fine. And if everyone wasn't in love with Bob Dylan, I wouldn't have a problem with Bob Dylan. But everyone's like, Bob Dylan is the best. He's the best songwriter, he's the best, whatever. I've never. I've seen him on stage 10 times and he never strikes me as being anywhere in the top 2000, forget about the best. And it's like, if you see Bob Dylan in his prime. I've seen Bob Dylan in his prime. He can't play the fucking harmonica. He can't play the guitar like Joe Walsh over here. And yes, he has cool lyrics, but I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more. It's not that interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

On a positive front, you did. I remember after the Grammys, you said the highlight for you was seeing Joe and Dave Grohl and even Bruce, who you don't love, playing at the end of the Grammys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I thought that was really cool. What was that like for you, Joe?

[Joe Walsh]

Pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, you. Because, I mean, Dave Grohl does rock for a young kid.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, he's great.

[Adam Carolla]

And Bruce, of course, is up there just on the creatine, and you guys are all fucking together just. Just getting it on.

[Brian Bishop]

Joel, can you tell the story of what Dave Grohl told you about Nirvana and James Gang?

[Joe Walsh]

Can I.

[Brian Bishop]

And James Gang? I think you can.

[Joe Walsh]

Can we use profanity?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Please. It's encouraged. Okay.

[Joe Walsh]

Dave Grohl said in Seattle, we all listened to the James Gang, and we thought that was about as cool as you could get. And we all wanted to be like that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's cool.

[Joe Walsh]

And he said, so at best, Nirvana was a shitty James Gang.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Joe Walsh]

And that was a compliment. I'm not sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Because, I mean, they're a trio. You guys were a trio, right? Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, how much sound can we get out of three dudes up on stage? Yeah. How does that feel? Because the Eagles, you're up there with, you know, when you're doing a full concert, you got a bunch of dudes up on stage.

[Joe Walsh]

I don't even know how many.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a bunch of dudes.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it feel more comforting? Does it feel like there's a little net under you? Like you can miss something and you got, you know, you got some chick playing a cello back there somewhere that's gonna cover for you. I mean, when it's three dudes, you can't miss a lot of chords, right? Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

On a good night, there's nothing better than a three piece band because you.

[Adam Carolla]

Can all vibe on each other.

[Joe Walsh]

When it's working, it's great. But on a bad night, there's nothing worse.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And was there anyone you worried about in the Eagles that was gonna go out on stage and be higher than you? No. Okay. So you had the market. I mean, like, you were like, they got to worry about me being high, but I don't have to worry about them being high.

[Joe Walsh]

Well, we all had to worry about each other, you know, I mean, we just had a gentleman's agreement that you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't go there, do your job out on stage, and then after you get off stage, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. What were the wildest times? Like, what were the wildest years? See, to me, I always tell everyone the best time to be around and especially in a rock band is pre aids, mid Coke. Because coke was like, good for you. AIDS didn't exist and you're in a band. Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

And smoking was good for you, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Smoking was good for you. Not only that, it was like if someone was taking a picture of someone and they went, like, where's your cigarette? And they went, I don't smoke. Here, hold this cigarette. We're taking a picture, for Christ's sake. You want to see picture you not smoking? Do we? Yeah. Yeah. So you got a lot of good years in. You got a lot of good pre AIDS, mid Coke years.

[Joe Walsh]

Hotel California was what, 1976?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

In there somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds about right.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah. So 76 into the long run. 76 to 78.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you guys had your own jet. Chicks on the jets playing everywhere, selling out soccer stadiums.

[Joe Walsh]

Soccer stadiums?

[Brian Bishop]

Why not?

[Joe Walsh]

They didn't have soccer back then.

[Adam Carolla]

Good point. But now I got you in Brazil, I got you jetting all over the world. Yeah. That must have been awesome.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, it was pretty fun.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, the Eagles were the biggest band, certainly the biggest band in the United States for a while. I mean, I'm sort of taking out the Beatles and Led Zeppelin. Zeppelin and Beatles were sort of before that. But I mean, like, I'm trying to think. There was a couple of years when the Eagles were the biggest band in the world, right?

[Joe Walsh]

I would think so, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Ungodamn believable. And how did it end with you and the Eagles? What got you out?

[Joe Walsh]

It didn't end.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you didn't at some point? Well, I mean, obviously the Eagles ended at some point, and then hell froze over and they got back.

[Joe Walsh]

You know what? It got going so fast and.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Joe Walsh]

We could belch and make excessive flatulence and the record company didn't care. They just wanted another single. Because if the Eagles put an album out, that was their whole corporate quarter and that's all they cared about. And it got going so fast, and we kept up with it as best we could, but it got bigger Than our wildest imagination, Hotel California. And it was successful beyond our wildest imagination. And we got to where we just had to stop.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you guys. You ever play with Charles Manson?

[Joe Walsh]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Joe Walsh]

Did you?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I feel like everyone has a Charles Manson. If you're the right age, you have a. That guy was playing the guitar at a party at Glenn frey's house in 1960. He hung with the Beach Boys.

[Brian Bishop]

He wanted a more wholesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you hung with the Beach Boys. What about when Henley says, I want to play Dirty Laundry in this set? Do you raise your hand and go, let's just focus on the Eagles? No, no, you got to go along with Dirty Laundry.

[Joe Walsh]

I played the lead on the record. Why wouldn't I want to do it?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

It was just a matter of time.

[Joe Walsh]

Now, if it was a Dylan song.

[Adam Carolla]

Now do you not like Dylan? Because maybe we can hang out. Not a fan. Overrated.

[Joe Walsh]

Overrated. I don't like everything he does.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. Overrated. Bob Dylan is the best. Over overrated. That's all I'm saying. All right. Shall we do some news? David, are we missing anything?

[Brian Bishop]

I want to say, the important thing to me is the. You know, with all this great history. The truth is, Joe has made, and I'm. I think I said this on the liner notes, the best album he's ever made.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what do you know about music?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm only a noted rock critic.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes, that's right. That's right. Yes. David Wilde has come onto this program before and said, this is Joe Walsh's greatest hit, Our greatest creation.

[Allison Rosen]

Did anyone else play on it?

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Who?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who?

[Joe Walsh]

Jeff Lynn and Ringo.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't know those names.

[Brian Bishop]

No. In fact, Joe kicked off the album a month or two ago, did an event at the Troubadour, and you don't usually go to a lot of club dates and see Ringo on drums in a knack T shirt. And Jeff Lynn. I've never seen Jeff Lynn perform, much less in a club. It was the coolest thing gig ever. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he. I mean, elo. Traveling Wilbur, Woolberries or Wilbur's. Is Jeff Lynn underrated? I feel like that guy's really good, and he doesn't. I don't know. People don't know what to make of him. Like, they look at him as more of a producer than a musician or something. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Am I right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, is he not a great player?

[Joe Walsh]

No, he's a fantastic player. As a matter of fact, he played Everything on the ELO albums.

[Adam Carolla]

Does he. Does he not get his due? Because those things are so well produced and people think, oh, this just took. This just magic that takes place in a recording studio or something.

[Joe Walsh]

Well, he'll produce a great album. But whoever's album it is gets all the attention, right? Not the producer. So he's behind the scenes of a lot of stuff. Like Tom Petty.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So is he? Is he. You can hear his sound coming through because it's very melodic and it's very crisp. And you can hear. You can hear it in Petty stuff.

[Joe Walsh]

It's Jeff Lynn, right? You can't.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm saying is. All right, so Jeff Lynn and Bob Dylan, one of them's a little overrated, the other maybe doesn't get his due. Bob Dylan is the best.

[Joe Walsh]

I think that you could say that, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who would you rather produce your next album? Bob Dylan. Jeff Lynn. Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

I'm not even gonna go, okay, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Know what you're saying. Dylan is the best. All right. We'll hear a little something off of Joe's next album, latest album, in a minute or two. Should we play? Should we do a little news and you guys can see.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You like that? The rest of the news with Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Many of us have had the all too common experience of sending an email to the wrong person. Well, financial firm Aviva Investors sent the wrong email to 1300 people. It actually accidentally fired its entire staff.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Form letter style email spelled out the requirements of the employee's confidentiality agreement and included the line, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and wish you all the best for the future. The email was meant for one specific person who was leaving the company, but according to reports, an awkward computer mistake led to the message being sent to everyone in the company. I feel like it was a person who obviously was behind that computer mistake.

[Brian Bishop]

I believe that's how the Eagles broke up. Don Henley accidentally sent an email to.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody to reply all.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, reply all. And fell apart for a few years.

[Allison Rosen]

About a half an hour later, a second email went out apologizing and clarifying. Have you guys ever done this, though? Because I've done that thing where I was talking about someone and then I accidentally, in an email and I sent it to them. It was someone I had a crush on. So it wasn't devastating? Well, for me, it was devastating.

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't like I was talking shit about Bobcat Goethe. Well, we've all had the one where somebody got cc'd on it. That shouldn't have been cc'd on it, which always sucks. And then, as I was saying, a nice little test to see how you're standing with just about anyone. You can do this with Don Henley or Glenn Frey. Next time you see him, you go, man, you've been dialing my phone. You've been, like, butt dialing me all the time. Like, what? Ha. My phone rings twice a day and I just hear you talking. And if the person gets really defensive and goes, hey, man, you know, I kid. I bust everyone's chops. Then you know he's been talking shit about you the whole time. If he goes, oh, what do you know about that? Then he's got no problem with you. See what I'm saying? So when you see Glenn or Don or Bob.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Or Bob.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell Bob, like, Bob, my fucking phone's blowing up. And every time I pick it up, I can just hear you talking to somebody else sometimes about me. And then see if he starts backpedaling, like, oh, yeah, I'm just fucking around. I know what you're talking about. I would never do that. See what I'm saying? I love the James Gang. I'm just fucking around.

[Joe Walsh]

Glenn doesn't have a phone.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't have a phone?

[Joe Walsh]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I think I like him. Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

He doesn't have a cell phone.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you get hold of him?

[Allison Rosen]

Carrier pigeon.

[Joe Walsh]

You call his secretary?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Can't be bothered. I like that.

[Joe Walsh]

He just doesn't like him. I think he has one, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Not giving you the number. We gotta talk.

[Joe Walsh]

No, he wouldn't give me the number.

[Adam Carolla]

It's bullshit, man. All right. Sorry. Go ahead, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam, Other countries are beating us in the ridiculous, shit on or in a pizza category.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

Remember we were talking about how England had the hot dog stuffed crust pizza?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

That's nothing compared to what the Middle east has created, which is a crust of cheeseburgers. And here's a commercial from Pizza Hut. Middle East, Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I have a cheeseburger?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cheeseburger.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Hail Pizza Hut's royal masterpiece, the new crown crust pizza made with perfectly grilled mini cheeseburger gems nestled in golden crown crusts, topped with beef. It's like a parody. And drizzled with Pizza Hut special sauce. The new cheeseburger Crown crust pizza relish. A first of its kind deliciousness. Only at Pizza Hut. Where's this out of?

[Allison Rosen]

Pizza Hut. Middle East.

[Joe Walsh]

Can we watch that again?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Couple things. One is, this is gonna solve this terrorist problem when we get them as fat as US A, the explosive vest isn't gonna fit anymore. Secondly, they're gonna be like, you know what? I'm gonna go blow up those Jews at the. You know, let me just finish watching Family Feud. Give me another stuffed crust pizza and we'll talk about it.

[Allison Rosen]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I mean, as soon as those guys get big and fat, they're not blowing up anything anymore, number one. Number two, it's kind of refreshing to see a commercial, like a big time, you know, big corporate commercial without the one confusing black guy at the table. We should talk about that guy. You know what I mean? Because they have to put the one black guy at the table.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

So refreshing.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't have to put. Well, they don't have words.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't have to put the Chinese guy or the Japanese guy at the table, but you have to have the one black dude at the table that.

[Allison Rosen]

Was not a crayon box.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just a bunch of dudes that all look the same. Where's the fucking diversity police over there?

[Allison Rosen]

Was there even a woman in there?

[Adam Carolla]

You know what?

[Allison Rosen]

We're need to see it a third time.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? Yeah, let's get Al Sharpton to fucking get to the bottom of this. Where is the one distracting black dude?

[Allison Rosen]

There's a woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I have a chance? Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger, sure. Hail Pizza Hut's royal masterpiece. The new crown crust pizza. Wow. With perfectly grilled mini cheeseburger gems nestled.

[Allison Rosen]

Like a cubic mound of lettuce in the middle.

[Adam Carolla]

Beef fresh veggies and drizzle. Bet you wish you could get high again and eat that thing, right?

[Joe Walsh]

You need to adjust the color on the monitor. That looks horrible. Would you eat that?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it'd be like a good. It'd be one of those things. First off, it's a night. It'd be like a funny novelty gift to bring to a party, you know? Like, I know normally I bring my seven layer dip. Now I'm bringing my cheeseburger pizza.

[Allison Rosen]

And you have no idea how far I traveled to bring it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it'd be one of those things that I do with trail mix where I complain, then I announce, this is bullshit, and then eventually I eat it. You know what I mean? There's a lot of food where I just. It sits and I go, this is bullshit. Who brought this? I'm not fucking gonna touch this. Are you fucking. A goat wouldn't eat this. And then smash cut to four hours later, and I'm eating it and talking to somebody. That's That's. That's how I normally work with food. Eventually I'll break down.

[Allison Rosen]

Breaks you down?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Didn't you just come from playing with the Eagles in Abu Dhabi?

[Joe Walsh]

Weren't we doing the news?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, this is the news.

[Allison Rosen]

This is news.

[Adam Carolla]

This is it.

[Brian Bishop]

This is how the news works.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you playing with the Eagles in Abu Dhabi?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Joe Walsh]

Dubai.

[Brian Bishop]

Dubai. Did you order any pizza while you.

[Adam Carolla]

Were there at all?

[Joe Walsh]

No, no, no. Dubai's like Las Vegas without any gambling or alcohol.

[Adam Carolla]

Dubai's gotta be awesome though, because you're getting paid there and you don't have to blow anybody. You just pay. You just play and you leave. You get your paycheck and you split. Like Alison, if you get invited to Dubai, I should go. Bring your kissing potion in your knee pads. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you mean he doesn't have to blow up.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I thought you meant everyone in Dubai gets a free pass and it didn't make sense.

[Adam Carolla]

No. We go to Dubai, we gotta start sucking coc. Joe goes, he plays a couple of riffs, gets his paycheck and flies back out of there.

[Allison Rosen]

Lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good gig.

[Joe Walsh]

It was okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How many songs do you have to do and like that kind of. Was it sort of like what I would call like a corporate gig? Was that like almost like a corporate gig?

[Joe Walsh]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you playing it? Just playing a big.

[Joe Walsh]

It was a concert for the public.

[Adam Carolla]

How many people showed up?

[Joe Walsh]

I don't know. It was outside. Oh, so it was at night, so you couldn't tell? I. I started counting, but I ran out of fingers. Well, I just. You can only see so far.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. A lot of sea of humanity. Yeah. Good times.

[Joe Walsh]

It was good.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, see, I always think you're just playing for like the Sultan of Dubai or the. Whoever. Dubai. Like I always think he's put some sort of, you know, like. Like.

[Allison Rosen]

Like he's 16 year old daughters having a super sweet 2016 thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he just walks in and he's like, this is an exact replica of CBGB's. And then he pulls the fucking curtain. And it's exactly the same, like down to every single dimension. Now put this outfit on from 1973 and play for my daughter. And you go, I don't know, maybe this million dollars will help your guitar pick, Mr. Walsh. Yeah, something like that. That's what I'm picturing. Yeah. I didn't know it was just a regular concert.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, hell, that's boring.

[Joe Walsh]

Weren't we doing the news?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wait a minute. Was that you, Brian? Weren't we doing the news? Oh, yeah. We're gonna get a lot of range out of that. A lot of mileage.

[Allison Rosen]

London Olympics organizers approached the who's manager to ask about having Keith Moon play in the Symphony of Rock, a celebration of British pop culture that will be part of the game's closing ceremony on August 12th. The only problem, Keith Moon has been dead for 34 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

They didn't politely declined, said the band's longtime manager, Bill Kirbish Lee. I emailed back saying Keith now resides in Golder's green crematorium, having lived up to the who's anthemic line. I hope I die before I get.

[Adam Carolla]

The next line was. Someone get John Bonham on the blower. Tell him his. Tell him this is a lucky day.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

All right, people, all is not lost.

[Adam Carolla]

Plan B. Yes.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

B for Bonham.

[Adam Carolla]

Second best drummer in rock and roll. Get Bonzo on the phone. Arguably the first. Yeah. Now, Keith. Now that this late breaking story from 1977. Whenever ever, hang out with Keith Moon or Bonham.

[Joe Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Joe Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Where at?

[Joe Walsh]

Dubai, England.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. And Europe. What are we doing over there? We're all.

[Joe Walsh]

The James Gang opened for the who when they premiered Tommy in Europe. And one of the most terrifying things that ever happened to me was Keith Moon decided he liked me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. Yeah, that's trouble.

[Joe Walsh]

And he decided that we should stay up for the whole tour.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That'd be like if Fletcher from Pennywise decided he wanted to party with you and hang out with you. It's a fucking disaster. So he's nuts, and he can hold more booze or drugs than anyone else. But you try to match him, right? Shot for shot, rail for rail.

[Joe Walsh]

No, I didn't try to match him.

[Adam Carolla]

But the point is, you guys were hanging. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Was he a great guy?

[Joe Walsh]

Oh, yeah, he's a great guy.

[Adam Carolla]

How was Tommy? How was it back then?

[Joe Walsh]

Really good.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it considered groundbreaking, innovative as back then, like when you first saw it, where you're going like, jesus Christ, never seen this before?

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, it was good. It was really good. They performed the whole thing and it was, you know, they had the angle that it was the first rock opera and all of that. And it was good. It was really good because they were all alive, right? You know, and Moon and Entwistle. Amazing, amazing whistle.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that guy's bass playing because he barely moves. It's like, he doesn't. He's like a swimmer who makes no wake. You know, he just. He's so fucking smooth. While everyone else is up there doing the windmill and throwing shit around and knocking stuff over. He was just standing there playing the shit out of that bass. Yeah. Yeah. Miss that guy?

[Joe Walsh]

Loudest thing I ever heard.

[Adam Carolla]

He. The Hard Rock Cafe, right? Hard Rock Hotel. Like about five, six, five, eight years ago now.

[Joe Walsh]

Too bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, cool guy.

[Joe Walsh]

Bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Has Fletcher from Pennywise led you down Temptations trail?

[Adam Carolla]

He tried to take me to Poo Poo City and he's.

[Joe Walsh]

Where's that? In Georgia?

[Adam Carolla]

Where'd you want to know?

[Joe Walsh]

In Georgia?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's in Alpharetta.

[Allison Rosen]

We know it is Atlanta.

[Adam Carolla]

He is 6, 8, 425 pounds and one of the biggest dudes. I mean, listen, he's. He's a fair bit bigger than Penn Jillette. I mean, he's bigger than the average strong side or weak side tackle in the NFL. Like, he is mad meth. And when he. He locked me and Drew in a recording room. And, well, he tried to vomit on Dr. Drew. And. And Drew was punching him in the stomach, which doesn't help when someone's trying to vomit on. You probably wouldn't. And he barricaded us and himself in a studio and they had to call the cops and they wouldn't let us out.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Did he claim to have a grenade or something?

[Adam Carolla]

Said he had a grenade and that we're going to Poo Poo City.

[Joe Walsh]

Whoa.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I guess that's not funny, but it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he started by vomiting into a cup and then sealing it with like, Lucite or something. Like pouring surfboard resin over and like, presenting it as, like, a cup of vomit. Yeah. So they went to the Cheesecake Factory and then ate a bunch of cheesecake. Now that's Fletcher. And let me tell you something about drew. Drew is 6, 1, 6 2, and 200 pounds. Drew is no waif model. And you see, I mean, Drew is a well built, good sized dude. And you see, he looks like Easy Girl. He looks like a fucking Russian gymnast standing next to Fletch. I mean, Fletch is a fucking huge ball of dude. Yeah. So when he barricades the door, he essentially is the door. You can't do anything. And the cops couldn't even do anything. Like, the cops all showed up.

[Allison Rosen]

Was he on drugs or just insane or on insane because of drugs? What was going on?

[Adam Carolla]

I think he was drunk and he's insane anyway, but drunk. And there's really nothing. You can't control him. It'd just be like, if a Brahma bull got drunk, what would you do? Yell at it to calm down. It just starts knocking shit over brew.

[Allison Rosen]

At a trough of coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

So where were we? Keith Moon. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys literally like just. You're. You're in England. It's. What. What year are we talking about here?

[Joe Walsh]

71.

[Adam Carolla]

Tommy. Tommy's a crazy piece of work. What? What? You remember what theater you guys are playing?

[Joe Walsh]

Oh, we played all over.

[Adam Carolla]

Playing all over.

[Joe Walsh]

Played all over.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's just like, we're fucking party. You're my party buddy.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You're.

[Joe Walsh]

You're my new friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. How long did this go on?

[Joe Walsh]

I don't know. About six shows, maybe two weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

How did they receive the James Gang? How was the James Gang received Mary and jolly old England?

[Joe Walsh]

Pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it seems like that music feels very different than the rock opera that's about to come on stage.

[Joe Walsh]

Well, we warmed up the audience and the who at the time was fantastically entertaining and really good.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the who.

[Joe Walsh]

Really high energy. They were great live.

[Adam Carolla]

I argue there's always the Rolling Stones who argument. And I like the who better. And my argument is basically this. Both great bands, both have a ton of great songs, but the Rolling Stones has a handful of really fucking shitty songs that drive me nuts. And the who, I hate when they do Witchy Woman. The who has. Yeah, the who has. Does. Is. Does not. Their. Their reputation is not tarnished with a whole bunch of shitty songs. Everyone kind of went through the disco period and fucked up a little bit, but Mick and the Stones have some really shitty songs that have tarnished a record. At least. At least. Emotional rescue. Thank you. Emotional Rescue. That for me. Just fucking pulling teeth. I'd rather. I'd rather.

[Joe Walsh]

I'd rather listen to Bob Dylan. Is that what you're gonna say?

[Adam Carolla]

I am. I'd rather have him screaming about Maggie's farm for 20 minutes than hear Emotional Rescue. Just fucking hate that song.

[Joe Walsh]

Weren't we doing the news?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Sarah Silverman spoke about her full frontal nude scene at Sunday's Tribeca Film Festival screening of Take this Waltz. In the film, which is a relationship dramedy directed by Sarah Pauley, Silverman and Michelle Williams shower together, but in a non sexual way. Silverman told reporters that Polly wrote the scene because women are naked together all the time. She said, you're in the shower at the Y, or one of you is in the tub and one of you is reading a magazine. You're hanging out and trying on clothes. It's such a common, everyday thing for women. That's never reflected in the movies. There's so much nudity in movies, but it's always sexual. She said this scene is jarring because it's not funny. It's not sad, it's not dramatic. It's just kind of everyday life. And I wanted to ask you women, is this how you are with your gal pals?

[Adam Carolla]

I like the answer for all women.

[Allison Rosen]

For a second, please.

[Adam Carolla]

When me and Fletch were hanging out, showering, before we went to Poo Poo, actually, after we'd gone to Poo Poo.

[Brian Bishop]

City.

[Adam Carolla]

I talked to Sarah Silverman about this, and she got me the little preemptive strike. Like, first off, I don't think I'm gonna watch it. It feels weird to me to see her naked. Yeah. Because I feel like I know her so well and I'm so friendly with her. And I want to say I didn't see it. On the other hand, I don't want to say I didn't support you and your independent movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, here's what I'll do. Compromise. I'll watch it. I'll not beat off to it more than 10 times, let's say. All right, that'll be it. Because I'll see Sarah and I'll see Kevin Nealon. I'll see Jimmy Kimmel, Todd Glass, Jeff Ross, Patton Oswald. Coming up, by the way, next Wednesday, May 2, for Project ALS. And tickets available, you can get [e-mail] she said to me, which is kind of weird. She said, I didn't really groom too much down there, and I didn't really get in the greatest shape. It was kind of a spontaneous thing, and we wanted to seem real. And it was kind of like she was sort of saying, don't expect a Playboy spread.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, don't expect what you normally see of women being nude in the movies, what they're saying, this is just mundane nudity.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Nakedness. Yeah, nakedness.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So evidently, we can look forward to that. And Michelle Williams naked, too.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we can look forward to that as well.

[Allison Rosen]

See, here's the thing. That HBO show Girls. Has anyone here seen that?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I thought it was really good. But in the first episode, there's a lot of just women hanging out naked, like hanging out in the bathroom. And it's not in a sexual way, but I kept expecting it to be sexual. I don't. I don't just lounge around naked with my female friends. Maybe I should.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta Say this. You. You got it. The. The nudity bar has been been upped because back in the day, I'd watch, like, 14 hours of I, Claudius to see some side boob, because what else are you gonna do? You know, we just did not have porno. Now you hear these shows where it's like, I've seen this on Californiacation. Like, they're naked all the time. Or all the. These Showtime shows or HBO shows, and I'm like, I got the Internet. You're gonna have to take more than a boob to win me over. I can't be bought with a boob like I used to be, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I read some survey. This is not in the news. This is just my own anecdote about a news story I encountered which said that the percentage of men under 25 who haven't seen online porn is zero. Really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That's low.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

It's rather low.

[Adam Carolla]

Think a handful of guys from that stuffed crust pizza commercial out of the middle. I feel there's a couple. Those guys.

[Brian Bishop]

That's zero among, like, let's break it down. Is that zero among Mormon men? Like, that's zero.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, that's what I read.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Quakers and Shakers.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. It's Mennonites and Amish.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah. Or maybe it's not everyone on the oatmeal. It's probably not zero, but it's just not a measurable unit.

[Allison Rosen]

But do you know? Yeah. Do you know any guys who haven't looked at online porn?

[Brian Bishop]

Joe, you're an analog man, so you might not be into the online porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe, have you ever seen online porn?

[Joe Walsh]

No, I have not.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. One man of fire.

[Brian Bishop]

Not just taste in character.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The day is young, Joe. That much I will say to you. Yeah. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

A Chinese company is getting some attention online for naming its sunglasses line after Helen Keller. In a commercial for the glasses, a stylish woman steps off a plane and walks past a long line of photographers. They initially ignore her, but when she dons her Helen Kellers, they feverishly begin taking her picture. The line's slogan is, you see the world, the world sees you. Evidently, Keller's story is widely taught in Chinese schools.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Good luck pronouncing that name with a fucking Chinese accent. That's a disaster of a Chinese Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

I wish I thought of that first.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just being realistic. Yeah, there's no way they can pull that off.

[Allison Rosen]

When I was apartment hunting, I was speaking to a potential landlord who was Asian and she was trying to tell me that the apartment I was looking at was L shaped. That was a long conversation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

A spokesman for the company said it's well aware of Keller's blindness, but said it valued the woman's philanthropic spirit, which spread optimism throughout the world.

[Joe Walsh]

Howard Carrer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, thank you. That's my point.

[Allison Rosen]

And we have the commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's see it.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope they somehow get that stuffed crust pizza into this thing.

[Joe Walsh]

I like the soundtrack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

You should get a theme song like this.

[Adam Carolla]

We do. We have the. We have the Muzak version of Taboo, too. Play it in a second.

[Joe Walsh]

And here's Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

I think those would have looked great on Helen Keller.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she did wear shades, right? We love you, Helen. That's my point. That's just a bad name.

[Allison Rosen]

She probably did cause otherwise her. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a song you may want to cover. This is He's Got it all, which is soundtrack to the porn movie Taboo 2. And this is the Muzak version of it.

[Allison Rosen]

You should probably sing along.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine and do it with style. He does it with me. Oh, yes, he does. And those are good lyrics.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, when you sing, there's a certain Dylanish, Dylan esque quality.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there's a great line here. Well, maybe you did. You thought you knew him, but you don't. Come on. I know you don't watch a lot of Internet porn, but even this was back in the day. I mean, like, the Eagles probably had, like, a beta player on the jet, right?

[Joe Walsh]

No, we just had parties after. After the concert.

[Adam Carolla]

Chicks, hot and cold, running broads.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

They made pornos, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Must have been awesome. Who. Who liked the ladies the most out of the band, would you say?

[Joe Walsh]

Probably the road crew.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. Why not? Guys work hard. Yeah, but you call it per.

[Joe Walsh]

They work hard.

[Brian Bishop]

Although there's a phrase from those days with the Eagles, I believe, was it love them and learn because of Learjets. That was a. A well known phrase.

[Adam Carolla]

Like send him, send him back, send.

[Brian Bishop]

The plane, or you or you, or.

[Adam Carolla]

You take off on the plane. But either way, a lot of miles on a Learjet, right?

[Joe Walsh]

I'm just gonna sit here with you looking at me. I'm not really gonna comment.

[Brian Bishop]

Joe is married to the most beautiful woman of all time, so he really should not say anything. And I. I appreciate his question.

[Adam Carolla]

Marjorie Bach, right? Yes, that's Barbara Bach's sister, Marjorie Wallace. Oh, sorry.

[Joe Walsh]

Hi, Marjorie.

[Adam Carolla]

But you know what?

[Joe Walsh]

I'm talking about I love you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, where the hell were we? Give us another story.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have kids?

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

How many?

[Joe Walsh]

Four that I know of.

[Allison Rosen]

Are any of them musicians?

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, two of them.

[Allison Rosen]

Are they in bands or do they perform solo?

[Joe Walsh]

One is training in opera.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wow.

[Joe Walsh]

In New York City. And my daughter Lucy played the Roxy last night.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, cool.

[Joe Walsh]

With her band. She's really good.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you give them notes?

[Joe Walsh]

Notes?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't mean musical notes, but I mean, your daughter rocks. Played the Roxy in the band. You know, is there any part of you that kind of ever wants to go? Listen, if you hit this lick this way or if you approach it that way, or. Here's what I would do. Like, can you do any of that? Do you want to do any of that? Are they receptive to that?

[Joe Walsh]

Oh, I'll offer some advice, maybe, but they're doing fine on their own. They don't need me.

[Adam Carolla]

I know they don't need you, but it would seem like almost like a waste. Like, if their dad was my dad, then fine, don't listen to him. But if it's Joe Walsh, I feel like it's a waste of Walsh.

[Joe Walsh]

Well, Christian, who's my stepson, is. Was born with the incredible tenor opera voice, and he studied languages in school, so he knows German and Italian and all the stuff you need to sing opera.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joe Walsh]

And so there's not. I can't really help him that much.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joe Walsh]

Because he's singing opera classically trained. Yeah. And I don't know a lot about that.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam, can I tell you that one of the songs in the album that I love the most, that actually, again, I'm emotionally unstable, but. But I always tear up when I listen to.

[Adam Carolla]

It.

[Brian Bishop]

Is a song about family, which Joe wrote, which is literally. I think it's one of the most beautiful things he's ever written. It might be worth. I think you'd like it. It's in. Joe can talk about it.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, he'd talk all the way through it.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, He's a sensitive man.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm ready to listen. I have kids. Which cut is it?

[Brian Bishop]

Family?

[Allison Rosen]

Six.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, family.

[Joe Walsh]

You want to hear this?

[Adam Carolla]

I say we should hear it. It's like I can almost hear it now if I close my eyes. Yeah. Analog, man. You can pre order it, by the way. Now available in June.

[Joe Walsh]

What is would like to end up somewhere I have to back Be among.

[Adam Carolla]

Friends I know have my back but now I'm here when I belong I finally found a wife and a home.

[Joe Walsh]

And a family that matter means more.

[Adam Carolla]

To me than anything I could ever believe.

[Joe Walsh]

This is David Crosby and Graham Nash.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Nice. Tell me how blessed can somebody be? Give thanks, break bread, say grace, bow heads for all of this love that surrounds me we laugh, we cry, stand against.

[Joe Walsh]

That's why it's all being part of a family.

[Brian Bishop]

If I can say something about Joe, I met him, like, the first Ringo All Star tour, you know, that's like 20 years ago or something like that. And, you know, Joe was sober around, you know, sometime in there, but the last couple years when he married Marjorie, who's really an amazing woman. I worked with her before, you know, years ago. She's just. I fell in love with her, but she didn't feel the same way. But it's changed Joe because he's a different guy. And this album, I don't know if he'll give her credit. I think she brought out a more personal side in his writing and just made him happier so that he's actually. I think it's writing. It's a writing on this album that's mind blowing because Joe's never really been the most personal writing writer. You've always. Sometimes you mentioned his wit. Sometimes he's hidden a little behind the wit. And this record is really funny in places, but it's really heartfelt and really deep and true. Really. Just incredible.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, she's like the part of me that was missing.

[Adam Carolla]

Marjorie.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, now I'm gonna cry.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? That's beautiful. And I'd like to credit Marjorie for my book as well. As long as giving Marjorie credit.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you have a Marjorie shaped hole in your heart?

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like she was the wind beneath my wings, you know what I mean? That one's for you. Sounds unbelievable. Joe Walsh, everybody. One more, if you have it, news story, and then we'll bring it on home. And by the way, the Eagles in Alpharetta, Georgia.

[Joe Walsh]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Verizon Wireless amphitheater coming up May 2nd and the 4th. Nice. Take a day off in between, right? Yeah, yeah. Back in the day, you'd probably just play right through, Right.

[Joe Walsh]

I don't know what you do in Alpharetta for fun, though, but it is a day off.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Bring the chicks over in the Lear.

[Joe Walsh]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, here's a story with a headline I love. Hollywood publicist who claim to be undercover CIA operative chokes to death on a deli meat sample.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

It's.

[Brian Bishop]

How often have we heard that tale told?

[Adam Carolla]

I know way too Often.

[Allison Rosen]

And yet they continue sampling the meat. Hollywood publicist Michael Sands died after a bizarre accident at a Gelson's in Century City. He was best known as the brains behind Mr. Blackwell's annual worst dress list. And he also claimed to be an undercover CIA operative who may have helped in the capture of Abu Abbas, the terrorist behind the hijacking of the Achille Lauro cruise ship in 1985. He was 66. His son Nick said that he was eating a beef sample. And since he has narrow airways due to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, it got. Got stuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you gotta watch out. And you have to watch out for those toothpicks with the cellophane on them, too.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I do.

[Adam Carolla]

I think fucking people have choked on those things.

[Allison Rosen]

Untold millions.

[Joe Walsh]

Narrow airways can be deadly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Especially with the beef samples. Yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

You know, I was an undercover CIA operative in the Eagles.

[Adam Carolla]

Did not know that.

[Joe Walsh]

A lot of the time, cleverly disguised as a musician.

[Brian Bishop]

Joe also ran for prison.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In 1980. Yeah, it's in the bio.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you win? I can't remember.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

How far did you go with the running for president?

[Joe Walsh]

Well, I campaigned, and I had a platform, and I don't know how far I got.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you get to the Pat Polson level?

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably.

[Joe Walsh]

I mean, I campaigned.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys, go ahead and Google that.

[Joe Walsh]

Every time we played a concert, I would campaign.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you? It says here that you sued a Republican in 2010 for using Walk Away as their campaign song.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who was that?

[Joe Walsh]

Congressman Joe Walsh in Chicago. He used to Walk Away and he changed the words.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah. What'd he do?

[Joe Walsh]

I don't remember, but he changed the words, so that was relevant to his campaign, and you can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me hear a little bit of. A little bit of that. So. So did he. And how'd you find this out? Somebody shot you an email or something?

[Joe Walsh]

Somebody told me. I have friends in Chicago, you know. So, yeah, they told me what he was up to, and lo and behold, he did it.

[Adam Carolla]

He's probably started off with not taking my time.

[Joe Walsh]

Yes. Something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Fixing the school system. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Walsh]

But then he got busted because he hasn't paid any child support.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Joe Walsh]

Ever. And his kids are, like, 40.

[Adam Carolla]

Even though I'm running unop, I still need your vote.

[Joe Walsh]

I started twittering, but I got some, I don't know, replies or, you know, some people gave me a lot of grief about not paying child support.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Joe Walsh]

No. That's the guy In Chicago.

[Adam Carolla]

Different dude. Yeah, yeah, but you'd think the rock and roller would be the guy not paying the child support. You'd think that wouldn't be politician.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Joe just started tweeting at Joe Walsh.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe.

[Brian Bishop]

And since I passed Rick Astley, we're not going to talk.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, congratulations.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm kicking his ass. Headed all the way to Rick Springfield. That's the next goal. Trying to get him at 18,000. But I think by tomorrow we need to get Joe past Rick Astley and exploding into his justified. You know, he should be in the hundred thousand by tomorrow.

[Allison Rosen]

I love that the Ricks are the yardstick now.

[Brian Bishop]

So I'm just going to keep going. Rick Perry after that. Just keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

So, David, you got your sights rates set on Rick Springfield now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. And he's at 18,000.

[Brian Bishop]

He's 18,000. He also owes me a little money, but that's really. Yeah, that's just between Rick and I.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna wipe out the debt when I pass 18,000. No, it's a. It's. He doesn't really. I'm a. I married a Rick Springfield head, so. I know. I love Rick Springfield, but I do want to pass him very badly.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah, no, I understand.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm more concerned with Joe getting the full focus on this album because it deserves it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, passing Rick Astin. Astley. Astley. Once I fucked up once, that's it. I'm fucked up for life. It's the Susan and the Suzanne's. Once you toggle back twice, you're fucked.

[Allison Rosen]

Kurt is one that I have trouble with.

[Adam Carolla]

You're fucked anyway. Well, if we get Joe past Rick, then that'll also help the album sales, is what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

And the album. Yeah. Schroeder should be nervous. You have a month for the album to come up. But I would start pre ordering now. That's what I will do.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, one more. Bring it home, Allison Rosen. That's what I'm. That's what I'm saying to you.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Dip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. You know something? Glenn Frey probably doesn't use Go to my PC.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Oh, it's very unlikely.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Analog man, name of the CD out June 5th, you can pre order on Amazon.com and speaking of pre order, not Taco Bell material. My book coming out on the 12th.

[Brian Bishop]

Which I'm almost finished with.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, look at you, David.

[Brian Bishop]

It caused an argument with My son and I today. That's how good a book it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me, tell me, tell me. We have time for you to speak about my book. What happened?

[Brian Bishop]

There's a section about a friend of Adam's in San Francisco who you tried to help. And he didn't just have that aggressiveness to assert himself and help his career. And my son was in a tennis tournament today and he was up 5, 3 and sort of let it slip away and I projected your friend. The book is so powerful, the sort of message of self empowerment was so powerful that I was a complete prick to my 14 year old son and gave him a hard time about not winning.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, as I told my editor when I started to write this book, if I can get just one dad to be a prick to his teenage son, that I've done my job. Just one rock critic. Just one aging rock critic. One aging rock critic can take it out on his tennis playing son, then I've done my work as an author.

[Joe Walsh]

Do you have a chapter on Bob Dylan.

[Allison Rosen]

In the first book?

[Adam Carolla]

Bob Dylan is the best. There is something in the first book on Bob Dylan. Yeah, in, in 50 years we'll all be chicks. I might pull that out somewhere. I don't know. I think, I think I got that somewhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Joe, here's how perverse it is. He loves Jacob Dylan. I love Jacob Dylan. Bob. He likes Jacob.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I gotta say, Bob Dylan is the New England Patriots for me, which is. There's. They're a great team. I'm just tired of hearing about them, you know what I mean? I feel like I've been beat over the head with Bob Dylan and I want, I'd rather, I want to hear some Graham Parker. That's all I'm saying. I'm saying, let's just say Bob Dylan is twice as good as Graham Parker. Why do I have to hear him a thousand times more? Why not just twice as much? That's all I'm saying. I was sprinkling a little Graham Parker and John Hines every once in a while. And some James Gang. That's all. And Rick Springfield and Springfield, buddy. No, Ashley, No. All right, so that was. All right, so until next time, this Adam Cr For Joe Walsh, David Wild, Allison Rosen and Bald Brian saying mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you just call him a fruit douche?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that's Adam Krila Show 808. Coming up next, we have Adam Krolla Show 1451. John Mulaney, Allison Rosen and Brian Bicker.

[Brian Bishop]

From November of 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

This is where John gives his take on working with Elliot Gould. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Hey, Adam, Question. Do you ever hear from any of these ex girlfriends of yours now that you're a big baller and you own the podcast world?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Doing a great job.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a big fan.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bye.

[Adam Carolla]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Now I never hear from anybody. I think it would come up. Never comes up. Well, my prom date in high school died, so she's sort of.

[Allison Rosen]

There's one you're not gonna hear from.

[Adam Carolla]

She's. She's off the. She's off the list. John Mulaney is in studio. Mulaney is the name of the show. New episodes Sunday, 9:30 on Fox. Good to see you, John.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Good to see you. Thanks for having me, man.

[Adam Carolla]

John is gonna be at the Wilbur Theater in Boston coming up November 20th, and by the way, the 25th, which is no easy task because that's a big, beautiful theater. Funny, though. That's the theater I play when I go to Boston, and everyone else who's been through here in the last week and a half has been playing at the Wilbur Theater in Boston. Yeah. Great venue.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Great venue.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you from the Boston area?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No, my family is. My family's from Marblehead, Swampscott, Lynn and Salem. We grew up in Chicago, though. My mom moved.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a morning team in the Boston metro area. Yeah. Say it like a radio announcer. Let me see if I can hear what those three towns sound like together.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Swampscott, Lynn, Marblehead and Salem.

[Adam Carolla]

Was that it? Yeah. But now you gotta say news and traffic at the top of the hour.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

We cover Swampscott, Lynn, Beverly and Salem, and Marblehead and the outlying area.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, News and traffic, like a bit of five. I might have put you on the spot, man.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I was also. What's the other town? Danvers. That's it. I was trying to incorporate as many as I could.

[Adam Carolla]

And when do you. When do you get in? Do you go to college first? Do you do stand up first or.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I did stand up once before I went to college, but then I was doing sketch comedy, improv, and then started doing stand up again when I was, like, 9, so probably my sophomore year of college.

[Adam Carolla]

And you make it out. What college you go to?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Georgetown in D.C. oh, that sounds like a good one. That was good. It was good if you wanted to be in, like, international relations. If you're doing comedy, it was a waste.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there a plan? Did your dad Have a plan. Did your parents have a plan?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No. There was no. I mean, my parents are both lawyers, so you could always say, I'm thinking of going to law school if you wanted to end the conversation. Because it'd be like, oh, that's. Yeah, okay, that's good. Or I'm thinking of even taking the lsat. Right, right. Because that's a t. That's not even committing to law school. That's committing to maybe taking a standardized test once.

[Adam Carolla]

Boy, I just had a very sad thought. But almost every one of my friends who I grew up with in North Hollywood, nobody took SATs or LSATs or PRE SATs. If they were taking a test, it was for a venereal disease. Like when they said, I'm gonna go in and get tested, it was for something. Something was going up their urethra. That was the only kind of testing that anyone ever. They passed. They sailed through their whole life with only venereal related testing.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And that's untimed, too. That is untimed, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we were talking about this the other day about attorneys, and I kept saying, it's the only job in the world where people test and train and pass bars and do so much and then don't actually make a career out of it. You know?

[Allison Rosen]

Right. You're saying for a lot of people it seems to be a backup.

[Adam Carolla]

Podiatry is not. Does not have that same. That same ratio.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

So, like, you don't happen to have a podiatry degree the way people like, you know, I happen to be a lawyer. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Hey, let me look at business.

[Adam Carolla]

Or I do this, but you step on an acorn. Let me look at that. What? But you're an executive. No, no, no, no.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I have a background in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it doesn't happen. But it, it doesn't happen with pilots. It doesn't happen in anything because you put so much time into doctors training. Yes. You put so much effort and so much education into something. But then I realized lawyers do it to satisfy their dads, oftentimes. Interesting. They want to get their dad, who's a lawyer to sort of pay for school and get off their back. And thus you have this super high percentage of people who get there. And also a lot of. Just get your law degree. You don't have to, you know, there's no podiatrist. Just get your podiatry degree. You don't have to learn to use it.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It's just good to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But really, how frequently does a law degree come in handy? For people who aren't practicing law.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think in this town, all it does is give you the knowledge to go find, like, you better go talk to one of me. If I'd gone a different path.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah, that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? They know enough to go talk to someone they know.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

So would we. We'd know to like, oh, you killed someone. You should talk to a criminal defense attorney.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You should find one of those.

[Adam Carolla]

But I now realize that so many people do it and don't practice it because I think they're just kind of trying to satisfy dad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And medical school is like, when you're done. I have friends in their fellowship still, and they're like 35. Medical school is like 50, not 13, 12 years. Law school's three years. You can do it and be done and still be in your 20s and.

[Adam Carolla]

Go do whatever you want. So how far did you get with that?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

With faking that I wanted to go to law school? I think I said it once. My junior year of college. And then I was. I was an intern at Comedy Central. I was doing a lot of things to hint that I wanted to just work in comedy. So I was living in New York and doing stand up, and I had that talk before I graduated and.

[Adam Carolla]

But you did graduate, which is.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I did. I didn't want to go back. I was living in New York and just doing open mics. I really wanted to keep doing that, and I went back.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd you get the gig riding for snl?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I auditioned for the show. They saw me on, like, Conan on Late Night with Conan.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing stand up?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah, doing stand up in, like, 08. And then I auditioned. They had a big audition with a bunch of us, and they. I went in. I was like, I am. They have enough skinny white guys right now. I'm definitely not gonna get this. So I'll just do stand up and try to make it funny. And, yeah, they said, no, but do you want to be a writer? And I said, yeah. I'd already been writing for a couple of their shows here and there, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you have rejection or were you excited?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No, I was shocked that I got a job out of it. I really thought, like, okay, this will just be a weird story where I got to audition for Saturday Night Live, but there's no way anything's gonna come out of it. I had just done a naca, which is where you book stand up gigs for colleges in the Midwest. I remember looking at, like, my list of NACA dates. I was like, oh, I'm to make $600 this fall. I was so excited. And then I got a call to audition for Saturday Night Live. So it was actually interrupting my plans at that time.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, won an Emmy for outstanding original music and lyrics for the Justin Timberlake Seth Meyers video. All right. Just because everyone's been on hold for a thousand years, we'll blow through a couple calls and then we'll get to news and we'll do all that. Hey, Matt. Caller Matt from Pennsylvania 28.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah, hi, everyone.

[Caller Matt]

Big fan. Thanks for taking my call.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. So I have a small business making.

[Caller Matt]

Handmade soaps, and we've had some success.

[Adam Carolla]

Locally at craft shows, and a few local businesses stock our products, But I'm.

[Caller Matt]

Really looking to kind of step it.

[Adam Carolla]

Up and turn it into a legitimate source of income. What do you think this is, fucking Shark Tank? Fuck do we know about soap? I wash my hands with you. You out.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I'll give you nothing for half the company.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll not sodomize you for 50% of the company offered that. It would be great. Just the one drunken super rich guy who sat in the middle and shouted out insults.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I have a line of beef jerky that I'm looking to expand into the Midwest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let me have a bite of that. Yeah, here you go. Try it. It's delicious. This tastes like bad pussy. This tastes like Marilyn Monroe's pussy four years after she was buried. Get this shit. Matter of fact, I need another fucking hit of Johnnie Walker in order to get this fucking taste out of my mouth. This tastes like zombie cock. Here's your offer. I don't beat the shit out of you on camera. That's it, the alternative. That's as far as I go.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

So no matter what I'm gonna beat.

[Adam Carolla]

Up, I will not put your glasses up your rectum, okay? That is my promise to you. That's as far as I go.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You drive a hard bargain.

[Adam Carolla]

I want 90% of your company and 100% of your wife. Let's send her over and tell her to start sucking while I think on it. It's really good beef jerky. It would be just. I would watch that show. I would watch it anyway. But I still would like one super drunken foul mouth just off kajillionaire in the middle.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I'll give you $100,000 to hunt you like an animal.

[Adam Carolla]

The ultimate prey. Human. You know what kind of jerky I want? Human flesh. I can already taste a dried, salted version of you already. And the guy goes, well, hold on. I want to talk about getting funding for an upstart. 10 seconds. Head starts.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Any other offers I want to talk about.

[Adam Carolla]

Stock offering. And I pumped my shotgun once. I go. It's now seven seconds.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Better start running.

[Adam Carolla]

Start running, bitches. Matt, hold on. Yeah. Yes. Yes. So can I say this? Has anyone handled a bar of just plain white soap, put it in their hands, had it lather up while they were standing in front of a sink with warm water running on their hands, and went, is this all there is? This is it. There's got to be more. There's gotta be more than this. How come it doesn't smell of honeysuckle? How come it doesn't look like it has the measles? Why isn't it.

[Allison Rosen]

I see rose petals inside.

[Adam Carolla]

What's with just soap shaped like a bar of soap? All it does is make suds in my hand and clean them.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Hey, I'm not exfoliating.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why isn't there more to this than that?

[Allison Rosen]

There might be. We should let Matt now at least tell us what's special about his handmade soap.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Matt, go ahead.

[Caller Matt]

That's actually how I settled on soaps.

[Adam Carolla]

It's something that you can get into.

[Caller Matt]

With really low investment. And people love to pick things up that are fragranced or scented and smell them, show their friends. So that's why people naturally come over.

[Adam Carolla]

Mixed with incredible high shipping rates and super low melting temperatures, it seemed like the perfect business to get in. Do you know my ratio of picking up bars of soap in baskets? That's sniffing them once and setting them back down versus purchasing said bar of soap? It's 200 million to zero. I pick it up, I give it one whiff, I set it down, and I walk to the next batch. It's a bushel. I put them in bushels.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wicker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, Matt, basically, I was looking for some insight from you because you've been involved in so many different projects.

[Caller Matt]

How. What would you suggest on really getting.

[Adam Carolla]

Her name out there? And what's the name. What's the name of the soap?

[Caller Matt]

Junebug Soap Company.

[Adam Carolla]

What's it called?

[Caller Matt]

Junebug Soap Company.

[Adam Carolla]

June Bug.

[Caller Matt]

Daughter's nickname.

[Adam Carolla]

And you want to. You want to get the name out there? Well, I think you took a step in the direction by calling into this podcast. And, you know, I don't know. Look, every. Every business is exactly the same. It's started making the soap, started going to the swap meets in the mornings, get up at 5am on Sunday, set up, started selling some stuff. Eventually a local whatever was interested in. Before you know it, a guy from the local Walmart came in and we sent him over. Look, so booze, whatever the fuck we're talking about, just go out there, sell it. Unfortunately, there's a few laws involved with the booze. Hence I've learned with the Mangria. But is there any shortcut for anything other than I make it give out to people? Be better. Yeah. First thing is be better than everyone else. And then secondly, just go do it. Especially soap. All right, but I'm still very. I don't need exotic soap.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You may not be the target demo.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

For his exotic soaps.

[Adam Carolla]

Take that as a compliment, Jesse.

[Caller Matt]

Hey, Ace, man, what's happening?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Nothing much, man. I just want to say, big fan. My wife cries every time during the.

[Caller Matt]

Candle scene of the Hammer. But I was curious what your thoughts were of trying to raise a family.

[Adam Carolla]

In a shitty place. Well, I think people have been successfully doing that for. For long periods of time. Look at the Waynes brothers. I put a poster of the Waynes brothers up in my entry hall and say, do that. And then do that thing where you slap it like you're Notre Dame and you're going out playing like champions. You know, I think there's always examples of people growing up in less than happy neighborhoods having great families. That's called the family. You get a good deadbolt and you all sit down for dinner every night and you impart your wisdom and values on your family.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Are you talking about the place you're calling from, Jesse? Turlock, California.

[Caller Matt]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you guys have actually mentioned it. And I played that for my wife.

[Caller Matt]

When you guys said you're in the road trip to life. You're in Turlock. And we just were like, great.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, use it as incentive. How old are your kids? Three and 19 months. All right, so let's say by the time. Because, you know, you don't remember the first five years of your life. Really. I grew up. I was in a place called C. Kane, Pennsylvania, until I was, I don't know, five or six. But I don't have much of a memory other than violently being raped by a priest over and over again. I don't have much memory of that. It didn't stick with you? It didn't stick with me. The only moment memento I have of that is the prolapsed anus. So I was able to get on with my life. So why don't you make it a goal that by the time the, what, three year old?

[Caller Matt]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Is entering the first grade, you guys would have flipped the house in Turlock and moved to a slightly better neighborhood. That'll give you three years.

[Caller Matt]

Yeah, that job makes it difficult, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I hear what you're saying. Mayor of Turlock. I'm a medevac. But you can fly wherever you want.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Every. Every day. He's a real estate scout for you.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

That's right. Ooh, that place has got a pool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's been a horrible motorcycle accident on the 5. Why are we going this way? I'm just scouting some residential stuff. I want to see what the school system is.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Open house down the way.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Oh, yeah, Medevac. Love that. God, you gotta see people. Everybody you see is seeing your chopper blades in slow motion. I've seen them. I've seen every single movie. It's slow motion and somebody's voice is echoing in their head, begging them to stay with them as they fade in and out of consciousness. That's what I know about the medevac world.

[Caller Matt]

Yeah, unfortunately, it's usually uninsured drunk people yelling get the fuck off me. Or no speaky.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, no speak. By the way, I would have a.

[Allison Rosen]

Turlock's making him mean.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have a bank turn. No belt in policy for those throwing around the attitude, you know what I mean? Doors always open on the Huey. Meaning they bank a little hard to the right. He's not belt in just right. One less mouthy hobo to deal with. Nobody's really going to look into that. Just saying. All right, let's see. We got Mark, we got Sam.

[Caller Matt]

Mark, ace man.

[Adam Carolla]

26, New Jersey. What's up? Just wanted to say real quick, I was able to meet both you and Bob Bryant at book signings here in.

[Caller Matt]

New Jersey, both of which were awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

And thanks again for coming out. Thank you for attending. And Alex, congratulations on probably getting part the of.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you. Not yet, but I'll let everyone know.

[Adam Carolla]

I look forward to hearing about it. My question is for, I guess, Adam and Allison. I always love the news segment because basically that's where I get all my news instead of watching. Wow. Where did the Zip it cunt come from? The sign off.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Is that me? It was.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yeah, we were looking for a sign off and then you said, how about zipit cunt? Telling me to shut up and wrap it up. And then I just used it as a sign off, as if I misunderstood, and then we just stuck with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Seemed like a joke. I mean, seemed like it's better than have a pleasant tomorrow. But I do understand once in a while when we get some, you know, older comedy royalty in here, that you don't want to say zip at kind. I will tell you. I. I will tell you this. You can have. You can use your own discretion. John's not uptight. But if we're sitting. If Carl Reiner is sitting there, or Bob Newhart or someone of that ilk or Jane Goodall's on the phone.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You can replace it with zip it pussy or something like that. Yes. You can come up with a less offensive replacement.

[Allison Rosen]

I usually say substitute a word in there.

[Caller Matt]

You cannot imagine how wrong you are.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Jane Goodall. I don't know what I was saying to her. You were talking about monkeys.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You were asking her about apes. You're like, do apes do this?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you see, you were asking if she was good friends with her mother, she had a good relationship with her mother.

[Allison Rosen]

You assumed she must have had a bad relationship with her mother if she wanted to take off and go to Africa.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And that guy. So I'll play this draw for myself.

[Adam Carolla]

You cannot imagine how wrong you are. Like most people who work with primates, a wild sense of humor. Farcical, some would call it. Yeah. I suggested, you know, she said, when I was 11, I wanted to go to Africa and live with the chimps. And I said, well, maybe you didn't have the greatest relationship with your mother. And she said, you cannot imagine how wrong you are. Oh, also, John Mulaney, we forgot that Elliot Gould is in John's show. And we had a captivating evening with Elliott Gould. Now, how have you found it working with Elliot thus far?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I love working with Elliot.

[Adam Carolla]

And how did the. We have. We found him to be combative, but not in a aggressive or angry way.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

He had a sit in on our show. He said he had a sit in. Like a protest?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. He.

[Allison Rosen]

He was a guest on one of our live shows. And then he began sitting and he was monos. Like aggressively monosyllabic is how I would describe it.

[Adam Carolla]

Always. Always.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Oh, interesting. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But I.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

We're not gonna be an Elliott Gould fan. There was probably nothing combative going on. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa. No, no. First off, there's nothing you can do to me. That's. You know, I don't give a shit what you call me or what you do.

[Joe Walsh]

I don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

And when I'm doing the live show, I tell whoever's doing the live show look, say as little or as much as you like. We'll do the show. If you want to hang back, hang back. If you want to jump in, jump in. It's usually a way of me trying to say to them, don't put the pressure on yourself to come up here and do 90 minutes of standup. Participate by all means, but if you don't have a zinger, then hang back. We'll fill the space. And that's what I tell them. But at a certain point, if they've not been included in the conversation for what feels like 12, 14 minutes, I'll want to turn to them and say, well, now, what about you? How do you experience this? Or, what. What do you know about this topic? And his answers were, no, that. And it made for very bizarre, albeit memorable.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Memorable, but entertaining. Yeah, sure. Elliot's a. I would say a deeply centered person with almost no. Like, yes. No desire to talk about things he doesn't want to talk about, which would be interesting to interview.

[Allison Rosen]

So, yeah, like, he didn't want to talk about the movie he was there to promote.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Cool. I find that really cool. I mean, I'm not saying it was like, it was a chatty interview, but that's pretty cool to just have been in Hollywood so long that, like, you're there to talk about a movie. You have no interest in talking.

[Adam Carolla]

How was he? How is he on set?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Really, really cool. I mean, I've pumped him for a lot of stories about, like, Robert Altman and his, you know, Barbra Streisand. Yeah. And working with, like, Robert Blake, and he just has great stories. I mean, he worked so much and was in so many things that I was a big fan of that I unashamedly will say, will you tell me about, you know, like, Capricorn one? No, but. But he also, like, can be extremely stoic and quiet as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Who gives a shit?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't sense any vitriol.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No, I can't imagine vitriol.

[Adam Carolla]

It was just sort of bizarre. I think I'd file it under weird more than I would file it under.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Angry, but I can absolutely see being like that at an older age. Just like, what? Who gives a shit? You know, Like, I can't imagine wanting to promote anything. Yeah, exactly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But then reminds me, I look forward.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

To the day that I can and not ever throw off a podcast, not ever offend anyone, but also just, you know, publicly not give a shit.

[Allison Rosen]

But then, remember, someone sent Us a link to. Or the actual. He was on a radio show doing a radio interview, and someone, remember the host, asked him about his experience here, and he said, what happened? And what was it he said? I think he said that he didn't like the way the show was going at the beginning. He didn't want to participate.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

So we're negative, and he didn't want to participate. Basically.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, what's the weird. You know, it's a weird. I don't know, John, how you look at it, but I was saying to somebody yesterday, we'll do these crowd. We're doing this crowdfunding thing, raising money for this independent film I shot. And one of the things was, I do stand up in your living room.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you pay us $15,000 that goes toward the movie. And there's a part of me that's like, huh, Okay, I gotta go to the Palisades on a Saturday night with a bunch of people I don't know and awkwardly do stand up in their living room. On the other hand, I think to myself, if I paid someone $15,000 and they sort of sat in the corner with their arms crossed and they kind of had a vibe of don't talk to me. And that kind.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Or openly said, who gives a shit?

[Adam Carolla]

Or openly said, who gives a shit? Once I walk through that door, I am fucking all yours for the next three hours. Because you've made this commitment to me. I've made this commitment to you, and fuck it, I don't wanna leave and have you go, oh, he was an asshole. I wish we hadn't done that. And I understand that part where you don't wanna do it, you don't wanna promote it, you know, whatever. But once you step up on stage and take the microphone out of the stand, it's at that point you must put it all aside for the 87 minutes you shall be on stage and then go back to wherever mode you want to go back to.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I think you have that right. Yeah. I would be the exact same. I would stay longer in the Palisades than my commitment, and I would want everyone to think I was, like, the nicest person.

[Adam Carolla]

And I did. And ultimately, I just spit on the mic. Ultimately, I had a more enjoyable time. By staying longer.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah. By embracing it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting drunker and having a better time with diving into it. I'm gonna fucking say hi to everybody. Yeah. And that's the way we did it. All right. Shall we do a little news?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, we should. But can we ask John Mulaney What? It's like working with Martin Short. He's like my favorite.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Oh, yeah. I was a crazy, crazy fan of his forever. It's nuts. He's like just like lightning fast funny. Like, you know, people achieve a certain status and they're still funny, but like, it's way softer. He is like as funny as anybody. Like the fastest comedy brain ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he? Yeah. I don't feel like I see him out and about like I do with a lot of comedians. Is he a little bit reclusive or what is his temperament? Like, I don't mean reclusive in a negative way. I just mean not into going into premiere out to premieres on Saturday.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Right, right. Like that. No, he has three beautiful children and has friends and cool life and goes between Canada and the United States and. Yeah, I mean, but he loves like show business, which is cool. Which is great for like getting, you know, like just these people. Like, I just want to hear every anecdote that they have. So he's like, great like that. But yeah, I don't think he's out.

[Adam Carolla]

At like making the scene.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah, I don't think he's out at like Kardashians.

[Adam Carolla]

And is it surreal for you that guys comedy idols growing up. I mean, Elliot Gould. There's never been a time when there was an Elliot Gould. Right. You know, and you're.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No, it's like driving a Ferrari with really famous people in it that, you know, like, if any scrape I make, everyone notices.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It's both thrilling and also like, oh, my God, these people have done so much work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You had to be a huge SNL fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And sctv.

[Adam Carolla]

And SCTV fan. And.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And Jiminy Glick was like my favorite. Like, I love, loved Jiminy Gluck, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a brilliant sort of, sort of underrated character. I don't even know what call it underrated, but his character is based. You guys sort of know what it's based on? Actually, no, I don't either. I know it sounds like I had an answer. No, they're.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It's like junket guys.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very. It's very. No, so. Oh, Gary, we're going to have a tough time here. Okay. There was. It was funny because I used to do the Acme Theater over here and we're just talking about Elliott Gould and we did that show over at Amalfi, which is a restaurant of mine, own 10% of next to the Acme Theater. And Mark Sweeney, the guy who owns the restaurant, used to do that character to me before Jiminy Glick, he was a, you know, base, not a basic cable. He was local cable, public access kind of guy. A gray haired guy, he had a black turtleneck. And he would sit and do those interviews and he was very earnest, but he would fuck everything up. Like he would go, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

Was sort of James Lipton, sort of before we knew who James Lipton was. And he'd say, you know, you working with, you know, the late, great John Wayne, that must have been an experience. And the person I never worked with, John Wayne. Oh. And he'd go, he'd roll right into his next question. And we used to make fun of this guy and we loved this guy. And I think. And now you're going to have to ask if that's Martin Short. We're going to figure it out. I will tell Gary, who looks horrified. Here's the thing. He was on some billboards and some bus stops and things like that. Sweeney would know who he is. But we'll never get a hold of Sweeney in time. He always silver gray hair with a black turtleneck, looking deep in thought. And he did the one on one cable access interview. Access cable.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Was it Skip E. Low?

[Adam Carolla]

Skippy Low. Thank you. Thank you.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Did you Skip E, like initial?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We'll throw a picture of him up.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

We'll do an excellence interviewer. Skippy Low.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think he's passed. We'll see if we can come up. We'll see if we can come up with a little Skippy Low first draftkings baby.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Oh, he died just a month ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? All right. September 2014.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

He died at age 85.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I hope he was now. Not this picture. All right, blame Dawson. I need Skippy Low at his Skippy Lowiest.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

At his height, that would have been.

[Adam Carolla]

About 20 years ago with a black turtleneck sweater. But we'll see if we can find some clips or something like that. We'll see what he sounds like.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Whoa.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, do we have a clip of Skippy doing an interview? We'll play a little clip of Skippy Lowe doing an interview.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Looks like Brother Theodore.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they're working on it. All right. Yeah, if you find his billboard ad too. Did he always turtleneck? He was like, very. Tell me more about this. And it was very.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I never ever saw Skip E. Low.

[Adam Carolla]

It was. He was a perfect storm of comedy because, like, he was a caricature that was well past Lipton in his earnestness when he would interview celebrities and he.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Did local tv, but people would do it. Here's funny, you mentioned that. Here's the subhead from his obituary in the Hollywood Reporter. He hosted a low budget public access cable TV show based in LA for decades. And somehow attracted the stars.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, by the way. Even in death, they still must backhand you with the compliments. Now that you're dead, couldn't they just say attracted a list celebrities or something? The way celebrities work, I think, is this. If you get Harrison Ford to come in, then you can go ahead and get Steven Spielberg to come in. Because Harrison Ford came in.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Whoever worked for Skippy would go past guests include Harrison Ford.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if he did it, yeah, right.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Sit down with Skippy.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, if Harrison Ford can waste an hour and 40 minutes of his day talking to an insane person. Then I guess with nobody watching, then I guess I can as well.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No one will tell you not to do a TV show, right? Well, it does have an audience. Cigar.

[Adam Carolla]

And in a world where everyone's asking the tough questions. You know, an hour of sunshine blown up your ass is kind of nice.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Look how dark.

[Adam Carolla]

Look.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Black shirt, black leather chair and black background, floating head.

[Adam Carolla]

It was perfect. Milton Berle. All right, let's see if we can hear a little Skippy with Milton Burrow. And now, here's your man of the half hour, Skippy low.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Milton Burl.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

78 years.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Years in show business.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I have the material to prove it.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I can't believe 78 years.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You are the longest, I'm telling you.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not the longest.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, you aren't. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I started when I was five years old. Right. Others started as psychos. You believe anything, won't you? I know I won't believe anything.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But I do believe that you started with Charlie Chaplin.

[Adam Carolla]

No, before that I was a boy model for ads. And if you do. See, I told you everything. I think you're old enough to remember.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

He's equally curious about the things he's wrong about.

[Adam Carolla]

When they said I was going to be on the program, I said Skippy Low. I thought it was peanut butter. Skippy Low. Cholesterol. I didn't know what it was. Anyway, no, I started as a. Maybe he's lost his fast. Milton has. At this point. He got to it around to different places and I was kind of cute. And they said it's a whole black room with black chairs and silver hair. A picture of the Buster Brown boy with the shoes with their little dog tag.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You're kidding.

[Adam Carolla]

I was five years old.

[Allison Rosen]

Five.

[Adam Carolla]

And I have The PC memorabilia in my home. It's up in the. My archives.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Movies. First film was with Charlie Chaplin.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first picture I made was. I say now, with Chaplin and Marie Dressler. Yeah, I got one. If the audience remembers one of the world's greatest comedians, we all know that one. It was Chaplin's first Fresno long feature picture. He had made two reelers like the Rink and Easy street and all that. But this was called Tilly's Punctured Romance. And I was the kid in the picture with Chaplin. And in the picture, he was so bright. Chaplin.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Chaplin.

[Adam Carolla]

Brilliant. As I look back now, the first 80 I see the film now, he was the old opening of the picture. Awesome to see romance. And Chaplin was walking down as the little tramp with the cane. If you find anything better, we'll listen to it. Oh, my God. Skippy Love this. Fan's priceless, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Amazing, no?

[Adam Carolla]

How his body language. And then you can. Now you. You gotta ask Marty if he's ever seen this guy. And. And if he says no, knee him in the groin and go, why not?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Well, I'm gonna watch so many of these tonight. That's what I was thinking. I was like, I'm gonna go home and watch so many Skippy Lows right now. Oh, my gosh.

[Adam Carolla]

He's unbelievable.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No cards, by the way. Did you see that? Like, didn't even try.

[Adam Carolla]

Fountain of Information. He doesn't need cards. That's a crotch that guys like us use. Fucking awesome. No. All right, if you find any other A lister with Skippy Lowe, I'm going to need to see it, because he never disappoints. Now, this is sort of between the ferns. Or two ferns, but without the ferns, Right? All right, what do we got, Allison?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, all right. Well, did we even do the intro?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No, you interrupted it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's got Tony Curtis. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison. All right, I need just 40 minutes of Tony Curtis, and then we'll get to the next. I went to an acting school down in the neighborhood you just mentioned you did the new school of social research, the Piscata School of Acting, which was on Houston street, right? Not too far from Sandy's Bowery Follies. Is that where you started? I started there as a child. I came here as a child, but I went back. Yeah. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I love New York. I was born and raised in New York.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

But you were born in just Wearing a hat.

[Adam Carolla]

They always say the Bronx. I lived in the Bronx for about six months.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, is that what it was back in Manhattan? Your father was a terrible tailor.

[Adam Carolla]

My father was a tailor from Hungary.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, tell me about the. The settlement. That was a settlement.

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of a theater. You did, didn't, wasn't it? Or, well, there was a Henry street settlement. I did, but that was the. That those. Those adventures were only created by me to give me some other look at life, right? Life was so insular living in New York City. Born and raised there. You can see Hungarian. Pores in his nostrils. Very limited in its scope.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

He's so leaned forward. He's Tony's shot, too.

[Adam Carolla]

I lived in this very charming Hungarian environment, right? And then when I went out in the streets, it was a jungle. New York City was a jungle. So that combination is what shaped me and made me be the person that I am. Yes, but you got into the Navy. You went right to the Navy. How long were you in the Navy? I was in the Navy three years. I went in when I was about 17. Never left Manhattan until that time. Really? Went practically around the world to Tokyo. Saw the signing of the peace treaty, came back to New York City when I went acting school for a year. I used my GI Bill of Rights. Somebody from Universal, a guy named Bob Goldstein, right. Saw a show business golden boy, right? And the next here in California on my 22nd birthday. On your 22nd, Universal signed you up. Signed you up. Seven years. I didn't have to kiss anybody. Kiss anything, go with anybody. I just got in the movies.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But you worked the cat skills.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me about the cat skills.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I want to know about the Stanley Wolf plates.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's what I want to know about that.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I want to know about that.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy's a fucking national treasure. Is he?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

There's a pattern of. He says what he thinks is a fact, then he immediately furrows his brow as if to say, did I get it wrong? And then he waits.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, please ask Marty about this.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yes, I have to know this now?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Now, where the hell were we?

[Allison Rosen]

Andy Dick was arrested for grand theft on Friday night in Hollywood. Police have not revealed details. However. However, last week, a man accused Andy Dick of stealing his thousand dollar necklace. And the man says that Dick rode away on a bike with the jewelry after asking if he could see it. When I hear grand theft, I just assume that that means an automobile. And I'm realizing it doesn't mean that.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S just the size, any kind of. And I'M with you. Any kind of thievery that involves making off on a bicycle, unless that's the bicycle you stole is drug related. There's always something super sad. I don't know why, but when they go, the armed guy came up, shot the couple in the back of the head, and took off on a 10 speed. I actually feel more sorry for the guy on the 10 speed than the couple that was gunned down on their evening walk. There's something weird and there's something insanely desperate about crime with a getaway bicycle guy. He's one of the best bars man.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I need a peg man for this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I need a peg and bars man for this. Yeah, so that is. I'm guessing he's not sober. That's what I'm guessing.

[Allison Rosen]

He doesn't sound that way. I feel I root for Andy Dick, so I feel sad when stuff like this happens.

[Adam Carolla]

He is not only a really sweet, nice guy, but he's also very Jew. He's a very talented guy. 2. He really is a very, very strong performer who, when he's on the top of his game, can compete with anybody, and it totally could work. And it's just sad. And it's also sad that, you know, we're basically watching somebody kill themselves in slow motion and it becomes sort of a joke joke in a sense. And it shouldn't be, because if this was leukemia, we would treat it differently. Instead, this is probably going to kill him faster. Whatever he's doing, whatever he's up to, whatever he's into. And it's just. It's just sad that that guy can't, you know, stay sober. And again, I'm assuming that things that involve necklaces and bicycles when you're in your later 40s, early 50s, usually involve drugs as well.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Though I applaud the can I see that? Move to get the necklace. Yeah, that is savvy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And that's where my see with your eyes, not with your hands comes in.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And the retort when he says, can.

[Adam Carolla]

I have that back?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

He says, have what back?

[Adam Carolla]

I think I've just added another to my list of wanting to know if you're on the have or have not side of life or the good side of the train tracks. Growing up, up junior high, I've said Levi's are tough skins, Schwinn or Huffy bicycles. And now the ratio of you saying, can I see that? Vs see with your eyes, not with your hands, because I spent my entire junior high sitting on a Huffy bicycle wearing tough Skins and saying, oh, you have that miniature football game, that little, you know, video. Can I check that out? Can I see that? Can I see that? Can I see? Can I try? Can I try your moped? Can I see this? Can I see that? And was always on the not so fast hotshot. Yeah, the how many times you say not so fast to somebody versus the times it's said to you? I never said to anybody, not so fast hot chat. Because I didn't have anything tough.

[Allison Rosen]

Skins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Those reinforced knees. Not so fast hot chat. All right. He'll be missed.

[Allison Rosen]

Mountain Dew is experimenting with a Doritos flavored soda. They're experimenting on college campuses and they have dubbed the new flavor doitos. And initially this came out. I think the story first came out on Reddit. So there's this question of is this true? Is it just a rumor? But a spokeswoman for PepsiCo said that it is true. Quote, we opened up the do flavor vault and gave students a chance to try this Doritos inspired flavor as part of a small program.

[Adam Carolla]

Inspired.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

We were inspired to make this.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm stuck on the do flavor vault.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's gonna be cheese, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Cheesy, cheesy soda.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And that's not in a vault. It's out in the world. The Doritos flavor. You don't need to go among your old, you know, microfiche.

[Adam Carolla]

The nectar of the tards, as I call Mountain Dew. And I always say, there needs to be a sterilization agent put into Mountain Dew and Sunny D, which is not a sip of. It's not going to render you sterile. But if you drink more than 4 liters of mountain Dew a month, you cannot get impregnated.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Isn't that already the rumor?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, sterilization.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It's supposed to lower your sperm count, right? Or is that just urban legend?

[Adam Carolla]

I would like you to be unable.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

To both sexes unable to produce sperm.

[Adam Carolla]

And drop an egg at that point if it's over. Look, if you want to have a couple of diet dues a month, that's your business. I'm talking couple of two liter things. We solve a lot of problems in this nation. Number one, and possibly Shaq's pineapple soda as well, which somebody says does exist, by the way. Gary.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It does.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't just make it it up. Either way, this Doritos thing is a super slippery, bright orange slope that we're all tumbling down in slow motion. Wow. Somebody had the dorito flavor for 37 years. And the only flavor Doritos Was on. Was on Doritos. And then at some point, somebody like two years ago said, what if we made a taco shell that had a Dorito flavor to it that's just so.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Crazy it might work.

[Adam Carolla]

And everybody went nuts. And mark my words, there's gonna be Dorito flavored toilet paper that is hitting the shelves in a matter of a year. I mean, it will be. It's a super simple math. Everyone is fat, everyone is stupid, and everyone loves Doritos. What else do you need to know? There's going to be. Look, if this works, and I pray it doesn't, but if this works, there is going to be Dorito coffee, Dorito tea, Dorito tampons, Dorito fucking everything.

[Allison Rosen]

It just seems like a weird flavor to wanna drink in soda form.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree. But think about all the insane things we said a few years ago. Who's gonna pay for TV? TV's free. Who's gonna.

[Joe Walsh]

For water?

[Adam Carolla]

No one's gotta pay $3, $4. Cup of coffee. Cup of coffee's a buck and you get it refilled 29 times. All this shit that we sort of said, who's gonna pay for. Everyone is paying for now. Yep. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, speaking of disgusting flavors and crazy things, or I suppose some people won't find this disgusting, but there's a company up in Seattle that's making bacon flavored condoms. And they even. It looks like a textured. No, actually it's not. It just appears to be textured. It's not actually textured, but it tastes like bacon because they also make bacon lube. And people have to go to AdamCo.com to see this photo because we're looking at the unrolled condom and it looks like a strip of bacon with a reservoir tip.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now it's all fun and games until your cock is attacked by seagulls. Yep. Which could. Hey, true story. Hand of God guy put the condom on. They were staying at a beach cottage.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Leaving the bay doors open because it's a nice little. You like to hear the waves.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Dramatic.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, why rent the cottage and then just, you know, shut the drapes and shut the doors? It was a lot like that scene in 10 when he went to go visit the. Or American jerk. There's a couple of good movies where they went down to the shore to visit the pimps or the whatever. And true story, the guy donned the condom and he had the windows open. And it was a 10th anniversary. Now they were using the condom because she was off the birth control and they'd already recently had twins. And his penis was savagely attacked by group of marauding gulls. Picked apart.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It feels wrong to laugh about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Until there was almost nothing left. And obviously the gull can't discern between the flesh of the penis and the beautiful bacon scented condom that covers it.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

It's quite similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's quite similar.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

He didn't even try to fend them off. He was that amazed and perplexed by it.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it happened so fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Arms out in disbelief.

[Adam Carolla]

What would you do if marauding seagulls were attacking your job?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You go for your phone to take a picture first.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Nobody's going to believe this. Right.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

And in that time, the gulls do their work.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Carry it out to Davy Jones's locker.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they did. They dropped it in Davy Jones locker or on someone's windshield.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

So for those of you renting a beach house, the big idea is about baking condoms.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Think again.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

But, I mean, I understand. Not really, but I get the idea behind flavored lube. But the idea of making your junk look like a piece of bacon, this is some fetish, right? This is for just novelty sacks.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very niche, niche market, which is straight guys who want to suck off other straight guys. It's not going to be a big market. It's going to be for lumberjacks who are exceedingly heterosexual, who are super lonely, who are hungry and drunk and will suck off other straight guys. It's an enticement. It's a bridge. It bridges the gay and straight oral community.

[Allison Rosen]

Where do you bring something to that community?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bacon ridge is what it is. It's a bridge to get husky, heavyset straight dudes to blow other dudes. That's it. It's not enticing women. If you're gay, you're already in. And you're probably not as big a bacon lover as the lumberjack is.

[Allison Rosen]

Chubby girls are always down to fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's about building a bridge. I'm convinced that if they had, oh, I don't know, condoms that were sort of bobbleheads, you know, you had a Peyton Manning on there and you're a huge Denver fan, you know, and it smelled of bacon. There are probably a few straight guys that are three or four beers away from going down on that dude. Or if you hate Peyton Manning and.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You'Re about to have anal sex, right?

[Adam Carolla]

You put it on. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's what I'm saying. It's a bacon bridge to homosexuality. That's clear. That's clear to me. Any more? Skippy Lowe. And by the way, Shaq's got a pineapple flavored punch. That's why we couldn't find it initially. All right, let's do one more. What do we got?

[Allison Rosen]

The new cast of Celebrity Apprentice has been announced. Baseball's Johnny Damon. Geraldo Rivera. Kate Gosselin. Deadliest Catch star Sig Hansen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

Captain Terrell Owens.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah.

[Allison Rosen]

To Keisha Knight. Pulliam.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Was that Rudy from the comedy show?

[Adam Carolla]

That's Rudy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Yeah, that's Rudy. Yeah. Gilbert Gottfried.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

Kevin Jonas. I don't know who's your favorite Jonas brother, but Kevin. Now it's Kevin with a bullet. Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson. Lorenzo Lamin.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Huh.

[Allison Rosen]

Ian Ziering.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Olympic snowboarder Jamie Anderson.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

Vivica A. Fox.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Lisa Gibbons.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a big cast. It's a huge cast. It's not a bad. Not a bad drama.

[Allison Rosen]

Brandy Glanville. Oh, and here's the final one. And former Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kenya Moore.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

A lot of people, that's why they take a few years off. I admire that. They were like, we don't have the names. Take a few years off and let's get together like a dozen people.

[Adam Carolla]

Normally it's 16 people. There's usually seven who. I have no idea who you're talking about. And I've heard of a lot of these people. All right. Should we listen to Skippy Lowe? Talk to Shelley Winters?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yes. I mean, I can't imagine there's anyone better.

[Adam Carolla]

And nominated as best Actress. And I knew his ego was such that he didn't want to. He wanted to direct her himself. Right. I tried to get her to send a wire to George STEPHENS, say, Dear Mr. Stevens, I'd like to have a test with you without my father, Lee Strasberg, or my mother, Paula Strasberg. And she wouldn't do it. She was doing a play on Broadway, way time remembered. And she was involved in her first romance, and she just wouldn't do it. She refused the bird. Yeah. Well, she didn't offer it to her, but Audrey. Audrey Hepburn had supposed to do it, but in those days, they did things like that.

[Allison Rosen]

They offered her husband a film to direct.

[Adam Carolla]

Green Mansion.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A great movie, too. Anthony Perkins.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And she did that instead. And so they had had to look.

[Allison Rosen]

For another Anne Frank.

[Adam Carolla]

And Millie was Wonderful. She was very good, but she didn't really know anything about the background of the people. Shelly, you had a lot to do, though.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You got her on the side. You showed her about King David or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, tell me about that. Well, it. It's sort of strange. The directors. I. I don't know whether I can ever do television because I never can mind my own business. I'm a creative actress. We get it. Unless you find some. Some gold of him screwing up, I will. I'll give you guys a break with Skippy Lowe. But you must. John, you must talk to Short about this and get to it, because I always thought he lifted a lilt page.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah, I should ask him that. Lilt of.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Awesome.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosenz. I picked up Hunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. That was adam k show 1451. Coming up next, we have adam k show 1523. Brad williams, gina grad, and brian bishop.

[Brian Bishop]

For march of 2015.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I had a buddy get busted for that. He had the. The baby seat in the back, but no baby. He used to use that for the HOV lane, and cop pulled him over one day. And of course, my buddy kept a blanket over the baby seat, pulled him over, and the cops like, sir, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn'T wake the baby. I can't take the blanket off.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

There's a carpool lane. He's like, oh, the baby's in the back. Can I see the baby?

[Adam Carolla]

Just give me the ticket.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

What about pregnant women who are very.

[Adam Carolla]

Very pregnant, saying, I'm driving for two. I'll let him do it.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No, because that's too behind the wheel.

[Adam Carolla]

Be the cop. I'll tell you what. What your body should have done.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Okay, sir, I noticed you're driving in a payout community vehicle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I am. If you could keep it down.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Oh, is that.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a child behind you under the blanket?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Suv. I mean, I'm driving suv. UV rays.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

No, I understand.

[Adam Carolla]

I actually do legally have to see the child.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Can you mind just moving the blanket a tiny bit?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd hate to wake little Sicily up, but I guess you gotta do your job. Yeah. I'm bound by you, but she knows me. So if you don't mind, I'll just. Just lift the blanket off, you, take a look through the back window, and then when you're kind of running late, you don't mind.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yeah, I'll take a look.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're doing your job. I Understand? Yeah, yeah. Let me just peel the blanket back just a little bit here. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is there a dingo around here? We were at the Costco in Van Nuys. She was strapped in three ways to fucking Sunday. Oh, my God. Do that Amber thing. Do the Amber thing. Her name is Sicily. Don't worry about the last name. I was. I had pretty bad divorce from a Mexican dude or an Arab dude. Either way, get. Get on the blower. There's no time to waste.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Sir, I. I frankly find your story hard to believe.

[Adam Carolla]

No time to waste. What do they say in your parlance? Stat. Stat. Get that goddamn Amber going.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

I believe that's a medical.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Whatever. Then hurry. I want to see every electronic billboard assignment. Same Sicily, by the way. Not with an S. With a C, you understand? She's about two foot nothing. And she can't survive long in the mouth of that dingo. Or was it the Mexican? Dad.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Sir, I'm going to need you to sign this ticket.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not acknowledging anything that'll speed this process up. Anything that'll get you. Anything that'll get you to the. That squawk bok faster and get that thing up on the mainframe there. Because she is in the mouth of a Mexican. I mean, her dad is from. She may have gone back to Guadalajara on a dingo with a Middle Eastern guy in Sally Fields. Either way, let's get moving. Well, that'll happen right away. I am sorry I'm speaking in this tone, but I am so sure shocked right now to realize that my little daughter Sandy is not under that head blanket.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You said a different name earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Sicily, I believe is her name.

[Adam Carolla]

Sir, I am in shock and I am frankly shocked that you do not realize that this mother. I mean, father, is in shock. Who? I'm a single parent. Do you understand me? Your own gender mixed up. Her mother perished in a horrible van fire in an HOV lane not six months ago. All right, now we can stand here and we can chat.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

You're still wearing the ring.

[Adam Carolla]

About where? Okay, I've. I've. You know what? You grieve the way you want to grieve. I'll grieve the way I want to grieve. Yes, I've remarried. Some said it was a little soon. The point is this. There is nothing that's going to get little sizzling. Yeah, okay. Sicily.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Sicily, Sicily and. Or Sandy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. She's not dingo in the mouth of that Mexican who's hightailing it at the. What did he say? Guadalupe. Guadalajara.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Somewhere in Mexico.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Something is not going to bring her back, but that's talking about it right here, right now. So I suggest you run, don't walk to that squad car yours. And I'm going to grieve the best way I can. Not grieving I'm searching for by hustling to work down this hov line.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Frankly, I can't go on like this any longer. So you may get something in the mail in a few weeks that says.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope it's an edible arrangeable with a great apologies and your name on the top of it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My name will be on the top.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Of it, I tell you that.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your badge number?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Good day. Well done.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they should have done. Thank you. A little Sandy and Guadalupe. All right, that was Adam K Show 1523. Coming up next, we have Adam K.

[Brian Bishop]

Show 334 featuring Greg Fitzsimmons, Teresa Strasser and Brian Bishop from June of 2010.

[Adam Carolla]

Andrew. Hey, Adam. Love the show. Thanks, Andrew. What's going on? Got a quick question for you. So I think it's really interesting when you have the big stars in there because everybody's curious about them and feels like they know them. But it's also interesting when you have some of the not as well known stars because they're generally interesting and funny and maybe trying to make a better impression than a big star. Yeah. Greg Fitzsimmons coming in a minute to prove that point. Right, Right. So I was curious if you get pissed at your booker or you're just generally unhappy when someone who is not a big star and is really not that interesting comes in. A good example would be the director, writer of the instant classic Bird Emick movie, Birdemic. That cat was good because I mean, he, he fits my criteria of a good guess because it was horrible and the movie was horrible and that's what you want. What you don't want is the middle in anything you want really bad or really good. And he was really bad. You know, when it's. It's like a song. You want a song to be so bad that it's actually entertaining versus like. Or you want it to kick ass. You never want to live in the middle. There's. The middle is no fun at all. And birdemic. And the guy, I can't remember the guy who, who did it, but I remember a couple things I explained to him. He was, he was from like Vietnam or something and he was Explaining to me that these birds of prey, these hawks and these vultures, they come down and start attacking citizens in a beach town. And I said, well, I don't think a vulture is a bird of prey. I think it's a scavenger. And he was like, pretty sure it's a bird of prey.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I was like, pretty sure scavenger. Technically, vultures don't take down animals. They just pick at their carcasses. And he said, pretty sure it's a bird of prey. And we looked it up, and it was a scavenger. So I fucked with this whole movie premise.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Wait, is it one of these movies that's so bad that it actually is a cult classic and people go to see it?

[Adam Carolla]

I think this one might be too bad to be a cult classic. But the point is, I think the fact that he's serious about it, it's sort of like the. Was it William Hung?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah. From American Idol?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's James Wynne, I think is his name, or whatever. Whatever it is. But the point is this. When some. When someone is horrible about it but sincere, that that's what you want. So he's a bad example because he was so bad that he was. He was good.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I'm trying to think of someone who was truly uninteresting. And even the guy who wrote a book on where to get sushi. Now, one could argue that that is not a great booking.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

He was a nice man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I just remember there was a great moment when you basically said that his special effects really sucked and did he mean them to be kind of campy and he was totally lost and thought they were like the greatest special effects ever. Well, you know, look, if I'd found out that he'd spent, you know, $10 million on birdemic, I would have beaten him with a folding chair. Of the fact that he spent like $80,000 on it or whatever. Whatever it was as sort of I give the guy a pass.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's put it that way. I don't. Here's what I don't. I don't mind weird guests, and I don't mind even what you would think would be a bad booking. What I mind is lazy guest. Sometimes you get it with hot chicks. Hot chicks don't dance. They just don't burn calories. They just sometimes will just sit there.

[Allison Rosen]

And be like, don't be a 1 upper.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I said before.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

An expert that doesn't have any expertise.

[Adam Carolla]

Who was that?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She was somebody who had a lot of MySpace friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And she wrote some sort of. She was dating advice. She was going to give out dating advice. And, and we were talking to her. This was on the radio show.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

She had the hair with the cheetah pattern or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? She had some crazy hairdo. Yeah. She's just horrible. And I just said like well what's the, what's the number one piece of advice you'd give to some guy who was out dating? And she was like, she was like Christine Dolce? Yeah. And she was like be a 1 upper. And I was like be. You should be a one. You should be be a one up upper. No, don't be a one upper. It's like I said I love when people up and then correct you don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Be a 1 upper.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I said before. Hey cunt, you didn't say that before. You said be a 1 upper. That's why I was asking.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She had a lot of glitter on which is weird first thing in the morning.

[Adam Carolla]

Her brain was the size of a squirrels. And like I love this idea. She's gonna give me tips on dating. So her by the way hot. And I said well yeah, what else?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

What other also be hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Other pearls of wisdom do you have for our single gents that are listed? She's like don't be a 1 upper. And by the way, I don't even.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Know what that means.

[Adam Carolla]

What the does that mean? Like like so don't be one upper to the chick like like other guys. So I go to you like so what do you do?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I'm a school teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm an ambassador to Persia.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I don't like being one up.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, don't be a one upper.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Like I said before but Persia, I don't think that country exists.

[Adam Carolla]

I've seen the movie. What the. That's why so important that it doesn't even exist. Doesn't matter. I'm old school.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

You're an ambassador.

[Adam Carolla]

I am a. I'm a legacy. Now here's the deal. But what are you supposed to do? So go like this. So. So don't be a 1 upper. So I go oh hey, hey. What do you do for a living?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I'm a teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I work at the coin op Laundromat. Putting those mini things of tide into the, into the vending machine. Oh not oh you hot now? Your panties wet? I didn't one up. Ya. I have a shittier job than you.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Wait that. So that's what you're supposed to do?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What the fuck Kind of advice is that don't be a 1 upper to.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Be fair was a good concept that she was too high to understand she.

[Adam Carolla]

Was having a problem. She was promoting like acts or something like the game Killers.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Things not to do when you're a wingman or something. And don't be a 1 upper to.

[Adam Carolla]

Your buddy when he's trying to pick up a chick or something which is kind of interesting or clever, whatever. But she was like don't be a one upper. She couldn't grasp what be a one upper. Yeah. Wait, don't be fair. Yeah. Like she probably went to bed about four that four in the morning probably underneath a couple NBA but like the six man for. For the Sacramento Kings was probably pounding the shit out of her all night. Then she tried to make it up with a couple of. Couple of locale Red Bulls before she came in.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Red Bulls.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you something about the brain. When you have that little cock engine for brain. Like when you have. Here's the thing. When you're Theresa and you have a nice sized brain shoved into your skull or Bull Brian or myself. Pretty good power plant in there. And what we can do is get almost no sleep and punch down a couple cups of coffee and slap a little water on our face and kind of get our shit together for a 10 minute radio interview. But when you have that pop gun for a fucking brain, you can't do it.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

There's no room for error when you're Christina Dolce.

[Adam Carolla]

Too early for her.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

It was way too early. She had on the night before. Oh she was such a possibly meth.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh God.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She was not kind.

[Adam Carolla]

But don't be a one up or no. It's like no not to.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know I felt bad for.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Besides, besides us was the.

[Adam Carolla]

The junior. The junior exec at the ad agency who was like hey, I got this.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Hot chick we can use to endorse our products.

[Adam Carolla]

She's great.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

She wants won all the radio shows.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She'll give out advice.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we are three years later.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Still make fun of her.

[Adam Carolla]

So hot.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah, we're still talking about it. What about Vita Gara?

[Adam Carolla]

She was another brainless. She was on twice. Yeah, she was.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we had to try to figure out how bad she was the first time. Like we had to bring her back just to just. Just to plumb her depths of horribleness.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Still don't know why she's famous, but.

[Adam Carolla]

She was got a fat ass and Mexicans love fat asses. She does have a juicy, juicy ass. Yeah. Hey Mark what's happening, Ace? What's happening, Mark? Juicy asses.

[Joe Walsh]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, quick question for you, man. Yeah. Realizing as a parent, you love both your kids equally, what I want to.

[Caller Matt]

Know is, as of today, which one of the twins.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, my daughter's starting to piss me off. First off, my. My wife has an attractive friend named Jody, and she was over at the house the other day. And somehow when someone's good looking, it makes everything more embarrassing. Yeah, it's true. That's unfortunate. But when people are ugly, you're like, yeah, who cares? They see me vomit on my shelf or do whatever, but when they're hot, it gets a little more embarrassing. Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Dan's single, Jody.

[Adam Carolla]

Jody's good looking, blonde. And she says, sitting there. And I was, you know, I'm trying to teach my. I'm trying to get my kids to cuddle with me, to come, come into bed and cuddle with me. You know, I like to cuddle. And my son, it's really weird because as bitchy as my daughter is, my son is sweet like I was. You know, they both have their separate beds. And a couple nights ago, I went to club, climb in to Natalia's bed, and I said, I'm going to lie down with you, Natalia, and give you a little cuddle before you go to bed. And she said, no, no, get away, get away. She pushes me and she's fucking with me, you know, get away, get away. And I hear this little voice, it's Sonny's voice coming from the other side of the room. He's on his bed and he said, daddy, I'll love you. Shit, you're getting a bicycle and college and motorcycle. Yeah, have fun at Pierce, bitch. So I got out of bed, I went and cuddled with Sonny. And Sonny, Sonny's just a lover and he just thrives on it. He just hugs and he gives you kisses and he tells you how much he loves you. And, you know, he comes in, in the morning on a. On a weekend and climbs into bed with Pops. I give him the spoon, I give him to, you know, lay down and we cuddle and all that kind of stuff. So I said, no, no, I sleep in the nude, so. So I said. So I was, you know, Natalia fucks with me and she knows what she's doing now. She's getting a little rise on me. You know, she's having fun, like four. She's almost four. And she does a lot of like, you know what, Daddy, I don't love you as much as Olga. And all that kind of stuff. And she's, like, fucking around, and by the way, I'm recording all this shit because at some point. At some point, she's gonna be bitching to her friends or therapists, and she's gonna go, you know what? Sonny was always Daddy's favorite. And Daddy always paid more attention to Sonny and Daddy. And chicks do this all the time. Daddy would always come in at night, he'd look at both of us, and then he'd climb into bed with Sonny. Bullshit. I'm recording this so she can hear it. I tried to fucking snuggle you, and you kicked my ass out of your mini bag.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She wanted none of you.

[Adam Carolla]

You wanted none of me. Told me to fuck off off and snuggle with Sonny. Stitched me a bunch of times. So now we're sitting around at the. At the dinner table last night, and we're sitting around with Jody, and I said, kissing Sonny, you know, Natalia does. She pushes away. She's funny. And I said. I said, sonny cuddles with Daddy. He spoons with Daddy. And then. Then Jody said to Natalia, does Daddy. Do you spoon with. Do you cuddle with daddy do, too? And she said, no, no. And. And then Jody said, why not? Why don't you cuddle with Daddy? And she said, because he farts. He makes farties all the time and loud. Lots of parties. And it is true. It's true. But, like, what are you supposed to say, you know? Oh, such a liar that lies, man. Like, you know, kids don't really lie too much. It's obviously, Daddy does make a lot of farties. And every damn night, no trouble outing.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She hasn't developed a super ego. She's all in.

[Adam Carolla]

She's all in.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

So you know for sure she's telling the truth. And now she's announced that you're gaseous in front of your wife's hot friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, lots of farties. Daddy make big farties. Lots of farties.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

It's not even enough that she doesn't want to snuggle you. And she's announced that that's kind of embarrassing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a little embarrassing.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

And she tops it off with the gas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, well, she takes the snuggling. She pushes it back on me. She makes it my fault.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

It's your fault. If you only you wouldn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

She would struggle you. Right?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

But Sunny would still love you even no matter how much you smelled.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So Sunny's. He's a sweet, sweet boy. A puss, but. But a sweet, sweet Boy, isn't that weird?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I mean, they both nature and nurture the same. They came out the same time with the same DNA, and yet they're so different.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she is. One of the traits that I think women learn fairly early on is you want something from me that has some currency. Not so fast. It's in certain cultures and it's in a lot of women, which is, it can be argued it's good and it's bad. Bad. But the point is, is when he finds out I want to do something with him, he wants to please me. But not only that. If it's something that he enjoys and he's down with it. So if I say to Sonny, hey, you know, I want to cuddle and Sonny wants to cuddle, then that's win, win. If I say to Natalia, I want to cuddle, not so fast. Now I want something from her, and she's aware of it. That. And that has its currency. Do you see what I'm saying? There's a lot of human beings that are that way, too, just as adults, where you go, hey, I got an idea. You want to sit by the window? I want to sit by my wife. How about we swap seats? Wait a minute. You want something from me, and even though I want to sit by the window and I don't give a shit, I'm not going to let this opportunity go past because all of a sudden you want something from me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

It's just true. Like, if there's, you know, a chair for sale at a store and nobody wants it, then all of a sudden, somebody wants.

[Adam Carolla]

Has a lot more value. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't be a 1 upper, like I said before.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you have those sales at the department store and you see the women fighting over the last handbag, it's always women. It's never two dudes holding a crescent wrench and arguing over the last one of those. It's a feminine thing. She clearly. She's much more. She's much more intelligent than myself.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Girls mature faster and they hit all the milestones sooner.

[Adam Carolla]

She understands how to manipulate things and people, and she fucking works it. Like, she takes her Winnie the Pooh. She doesn't want to go to bed at night, so she takes her Winnie the Pooh teddy bear and she stashes it downstairs somewhere. And then she gets into bed, and then at a certain point, she's like, I need my Winnie the Pooh. And we're like, where'd you put it? I don't know. And then me and my wife, like, Retards have to go walk around the house looking for the fucking Winnie the Pooh and she's not going to bed until she gets her Winnie the Pooh. She doesn't really need her Winnie the Pooh. She needs to stay up.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She wants to stay up.

[Adam Carolla]

And once she established I'm going to go nuts until I get my Winnie the Pooh, then we all just have to search the house until someone comes up with the now it's on us, by the way.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Once we start looking for the Winnie the Pooh, it's incumbent upon us to find Pooh before she goes to bed.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She's outsmarted you. My 8 month old. He need. He has a lovey right. That he sleeps with. It's like just a little soft little thing. I got three backup lovies.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Smart.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

See you need another poo. You always know where it is, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I should make another poo. But is there and then present it there for that.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Anything she could do to pull ahead of Sunny at some point.

[Adam Carolla]

She's, you know, she's very dynamic. She's, you know, she's a daredevil, she's a lot of fun. He's a puss. All that's good. And she has her moments. But in general she's definitely a manipulator and she definitely fucks with people and he's just one big sack of sugar, that's all. And I really hope she comes around. And seriously, every female, every Corolla female hates her dad. They all hate their dad. My grandmother hated her dad with a passion. My mother would have hated her dad but he was an alcoholic short order cook who walked to San Francisco or something like that. So. Issues. Issues. My, my, my sister hated my dad. Every female Corolla has hated her dad. And I, I don't want to continue that legacy. But it, it's on. Shouldn't have started trouble. No, I can already see her like with. I can already like. I can already hear it. I can already hear the complaints. I can already hear the daddy didn't pay. You know what? He was always paying attention with Sonny. He would come in and laying down in Sunny's bed. He wanted to wrestle with Sonny and he never. Well, you could only be like rejected or pushed away or. When I pick up Natalia, she puts her knees in my chest and tries to push off. Sonny just hugs on. Hugs you like he's on the Demerol. Yeah. Yeah. Much better. Boys are so much better. Thank you. I know. Speaking of boys. Boys. Greg Fitzsimmons Greg Fitzsimmons here, everybody. Should we bring him in?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

He's. I think he's one of my favorites. One of my favorites ever.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Fitzsimmons, too. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is this the good luck?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

That's it.

[Joe Walsh]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like on Apollo, you rub the wood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So good to see you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

Great to see you, buddy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for coming in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Almost got an upskirt shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian coming in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I'm Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by the way, Greg's going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco 16th through the 19th of June. And Dr. Grins. Holy shit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. You know, you dream. You dream, sure.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

One day he could be a doc. Not just Mr. Grins, he's a doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Dr. Grins, everybody.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He put Mr. Grins out of business a long time ago.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

As a Ph.D. or an actual doctor of grinning.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you. I'd like to think that if you can put grins on people's faces, you're the doctor. Yeah, that's what he does consistently. It's Grand Rapids Mission.

[Adam Carolla]

Not since Patch Adams have we seen a doctor spread that kind of.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that was during the Holocaust, so I gotta think he was about.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

No, that was a different.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a Jerry Lewis movie that never got. Really.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wait, no, Patch. Oh, Patch Adams was just a kid's doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there was a. There was a Holocaust clown, which is like a Jerry Lewis movie.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Jacob the Liar. Oh, yeah, the Liar.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Patton Oswald does readings from it.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I've heard that there are underground readings of.

[Adam Carolla]

Of this film. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was the other Robin Williams film. But I still. There is a Jerry Lewis film where he played like some sort of happy, go lucky Nazi prison guard or something.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Got made, evidently.

[Adam Carolla]

Got made and buried or something.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yes, I heard that this exists.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is it true that the Jews run Hollywood?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I can't get a sidekick job for Craig Kilborn. I'm not running anything.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I push you hard on. Can I say this?

[Allison Rosen]

You did.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, are you kidding me? I called up my friends running it. Mike Dugan. I called him up and I said, you got. You got two options on this gig. You. And I listed one other woman's name. I'm not gonna say who it is because I don't want you to feel like I don't believe in you 100%. But this other woman had worked with him on the man show on the Daily show, so I had to mention her name as well.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, can I say this? I think the Jews are running Hollywood.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You do? It took you that long?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I think there's something, there's. I've had some experiences over the last couple of pilot seasons and my partner is a very fair haired guy, Kevin Hench, red haired guy from Massachusetts, who's a state school guy. There is a little club. Part of it is Jewish. The other part of it is sort of Ivy League, sort of Harvard, Yale and all that kind of stuff. And they sort of stick together. And there is an element and I think we all suffer from it, which is if you're going to hire a writer and the one guy is Jewish and he's from Harvard and the other guy went to a state school, he went to CSUN and his last name is o'. Malley. There's a part just sort of like choosing a doctor or choosing certain things where you sort of factor in the heritage, so to speak. It's like this. If someone said, hey, you need a bodyguard? I'd go, give me a black guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I just said, and if somebody said, hey man, give me a therapist. I'd say give me a Jew.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And if somebody said give me a mathematics professor, I'd say give me an Asian.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Give me a stand up comedian. What are you asking for?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm asking for a woman who has a syndrome. Rome, like in Facts of Life.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Oh, Jerry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, When Jerry was disabled. There is a little bit of a, it's not an old boys club, but there's a little bit of a slightly Jewish, slightly Ivy league thing going on that I have noticed is a little bit tough to crack. And I'll give you example. I've been trying to get Mike lynch, our own Mike lynch kind of a gig for a little while and, and I've sat around these tables while these so called funniest guys in Hollywood punch up your script. Yeah, lynch is funnier than they are.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I wrote on a show, I wrote on the Wanda Sykes show this past fall and lynch was the writer's assistant on the show. And that dude scored more jokes in the monologue than half the writing staff.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Do you think you should change his name? Like if he had been Mike Lynchstein?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, because I would, I would say this to you. And I brought up du Jews around the business because look, Jews, the Jews run banks, they run the media. And I like that. That's, that's the slander, you know, like that's the worst thing that you can say. And I got to think that your race has really progressed nicely. If you know how many other races would trade out shiftless and lazy or drunken for runs. A Major industry where you need to be educated and intelligent.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

We do win a lot of Nobel prizes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's the worst you can say is that you guys excel in banking. I, I, the most lucrative industry.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

In front of the camera, though, it's not good because I feel like I'm too Jewy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, you don't look Jewish.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, no, don't blame it.

[Adam Carolla]

You look good. You look good, you look good. But in front of the camera, you're right.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah. Because Dharma and Greg, they hire Jenna Elfman to play a Jewish girl. They don't hire an actor.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She was supposed to be Jewish.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, really shocking. What the wow.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Happens a lot.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They put it to us and those old Westerns to play the Indians.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they did.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Now, Greg and I didn't complain, but I, I think what you're saying is you just kind of assume that somebody Jewish is going to be funny because of all of their pain and suffering. Or is it equality we associate with that ethnicity.

[Adam Carolla]

There's certain, I think there's certain jobs that have certain nationalities sort of attached to that. It'd be very easy if you got a chart and it said comedy writer, gardener, dentist, you know, psychiatrist, fireman. Fireman. There'd be, well, affirmative action, fuck that up. But the point is, is you could get a list and most Americans would draw a line from the nationality to the thing. And I'm not saying they would be right, but it would certainly be our perception. And if you're hiring a comedy writer, not a lot of lines going to the Mexican or the Asian and oftentimes the Irishman.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now see, there's where I'll disagree because I think there's two schools of comedy writers in Hollywood. There's the Jewish neurotic school, the guys that created Seinfeld. And you know, the comedy is where it really is about language and irony and all that. And then the Irish school, which I think is more of like the, the Archie Bunkers and Cheers where you've really got sarcasm, ball busting, loyalty, all the things that you think. With Irish, there's been a. But there's been a fair but no fairly disproportionate number of Irish.

[Adam Carolla]

No one draw a line to Vietnamese for showrunner.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, that's massage.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the point.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

There are, you're right. When you think Irish, you also think pain and suffering, thus you think poetry, music and comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, but I still would argue, and again, I've sort of experienced this. There is a little bit of a, you know, I'm not going to call it racism, but there is a little bit of a club. And part of the club, by the way, is an Ivy League sort of thing. And again, you're probably right to assume that the Jew who went to the Ivy League schools little got a little more on the ball than the Irishman who went to see done. But there is a little bit of that. You know what? Let's, let's, let's. Let's play it safe. Let's go with this guy.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

But what about Greg trying to get me a gig?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I try to get you a gig all the time.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Because marriage rap.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He tried Marriage raft. I tried. I. I tried to get you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, who did they go with with the marriage raft?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They went with what's her name? They.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I should say they changed the whole concept because they wanted somebody doing man on the street funny bits to bump in and out. And then they went with just a straight news.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. They got Warner Wolf, I guess, doing the. Or Marv Albert doing the announcements, which works, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

And they just have the attractive chick.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She's just a straight newscaster. So they changed that job.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I think there's too much going on on that set. To me, it's. What's funny is that the stuff that each marriage, we all have, that we. One fight that is safe enough that we go to it. We know that we can push that button and she's gonna get pissed off and I'm gonna make her mad, but it's not gonna throw the marriage off the rails. It's become the safe fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That to me is much more compelling than all these, like, let's go to the statistic girl. And I feel like that just thins it out also.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I did the show, so I can tell you firsthand, they do a lot of, you know, he. She's a coupon clipper and it bugs me. Instead of her pussy smells or something a little more realistic. Listen, if my wife.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, she's. She's cutting coupons, she's probably not douching at them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Unless she. What if there's a one from Massingale? Yeah. I'm just saying, first off, if I saw my wife clipping coupons, I'd fucking fall to my knees and just look up the heavens and start crying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because normally she's giving away money. But the point she don't. My wife doesn't understand like that concept. Like, she does that thing where it's like we have our nanny, Olga, and we pay her full time. I Pay her full time. And then like a Saturday I'll roll around, but I pay her full time. But she shows up, you know, she's there four days a week, but she's kind of on call. And then a Saturday I'll roll around and I'll go, hey, let's go to a movie and go to dinner. And I'll go, well, we don't have a sitter. And I'll go, what's. Get Olga. We'll get Olga. Oh, I don't want to bother her on a set. I know you don't want to bother her. I pay her. Yeah, I, I know to you it feels like we're hassling on her. Like we just banged on the door of some random Guatemalan woman and said, hey, could you look after our kids for about five hours while we go eat? That's not how she gets paid by me. My wife is so nice. She just has that feeling of like, ah, don't hassle the nice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So if you were the couple kids, if you were the subject on marriage, Ref. It would be about exploiting illegal immigration.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And clipping coupons for. For.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

And the smelling thing, I think would be compelling.

[Adam Carolla]

It would be. No, I'm just saying they, they start off with fake arguments, you know what I mean? Like the one I did like, the one guy, the one chick clipped coupons. Like the guy really gave a shit about that. The other one was the guy, the chick was into roller derby and she was staying in shape. And it's Osbourne, he's like, woman, I want you to stay home and cook for me and stuff. And it's just kind of. It was cooked up. And the problem is they do too many laughs with the same thing. Yeah, but really something like, you know, you fucked my best friend and I can't get over it. And now you claim to be friends with him and you invite him over to the house for parties. And then I see you guys getting drunk and smoking a cigarette out on the patio together, and that's bullshit. Like, that would be a much better real problem.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I saw your episode on the show and I like that you, you just summarily dismissed one of the marriages. You didn't offer to solve it. You said they should end it. Which I thought was, wow, I like that take. Yeah, well, I think it's. You got it. Sometimes you gotta. You gotta play.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Well, Jerry Seinfeld hired Greg Fitzsimmons, Irishman to write on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, not to write. I flew out. Then I sat down with. With the two of them Tom and. And Jerry. And Tom and Jerry in Jerry's office, which has a 360 degree view of Manhattan.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And wrote for a day on before it was a show. Just kind of trying to figure out what it was. And boy, like that guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like him a lot. Very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I would also say, I, I would say it's a show where the title and the premise is a little bit better than the show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

People don't seem to be wild about the show. Now maybe it's also the kind of show that if they. It hit its stride and they got the right guests, which they have been getting and all that kind of stuff, it could find its. Its way. But the marriage ref is a great name for show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it also the concept. Concept. And he's good and everything's good. It's like, it's, you know what it's really like? Like, it's like a stew that has a bunch of your favorite ingredients in it and you take a sip and you go, yeah, not as good as I thought it would be.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Do you think it would have been better if they had gone with their original idea and had their female doing man on the street stuff where they.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ask, you know, does your pussy stink?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Right. Or do you cook coupons or whatever and then you get them to say something stupid and then you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think that's, that's good stuff going in that commercial. And then I think you have more of it on the website.

[Adam Carolla]

Website.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A lot of these shows don't take advantage of the website as much as they could because to me, that's a free channel. You know, you shoot the show and you take the outtakes because you know they're shooting it fat. Like they probably went over when you did the show. Right. You lose five, six minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Throw that on the site.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. But I think that I should find out how the ratings work because Donald Trump promised me it was going to be their highest rated show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who's there?

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean there? It was me, Donald Trump and Gloria Esteban. And Donald pulled me aside and gave me. You know, those guys are just wildly confident, super cocky, and they just do that stuff even when you don't give a shit. And they go, adam, this is going to be highest rated marriage right there. You'll see, you'll see, you see. And you just wonder, like, do you just keep talking to you, believe it. Or like, how does it work?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's unbelievable. I mean, people like that. Donald Trump makes my stomach turn. He is so gross. I mean, as a New Yorker, I know what that guy is about. He's just a pushy nudge, self promoting. And behind it all, he doesn't do anything very creative that hasn't been done before. He lost all his money, he got it back again. He marries women that clearly. I mean, it's not like even he's kidding himself about what their agenda.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Well, I had to reevaluate him briefly and I'll tell you why. And you guys disagree?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

That you recommended before. They didn't get Story of my life. His kids, Ivanka and the other one that are on the Celebrity Apprentice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

They come across so well that it makes me think he can't be that bad because he turned out these kids that seem really intelligent and kind of warm.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, that's a good topic for your next podcast that you do with Adam's wife.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

The parent experiment.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It doesn't matter. Does it matter how you parent and who the parent is, or is it in our DNA? Because I'm shocked by the kids I meet who I know whose parents are fucked up. And I know good parents and I know good parents who turn out shitty kids. I don't know if there's as much of a connection as we'd like to think.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, great. I think it's one yet one more category where we as human beings, we're searching for control. It's all we want want is some control. Whether it's a universal remote or Jesus Christ or fate or crystals or psychics. It's like we want control. And this idea of you got to get your kid to listen to Mozart in the womb and drink filtered water, not tap water, and everything is sort of. Or eat organic Cheetos. Don't let them do this. Right? It's all about that. It's all about this control. The reality is every person I know is exactly the same as they were in junior high. And I'm sure they're going to the grave that way. And everyone's just sort of on their own trajectory and they do their own thing and they're sort of meant to do this or not meant to do that. We're not all special. Not everyone's going to achieve their dreams and goals. But really, like, like, I'll give you just a very simple sort of microcosm of what we're talking about that I think is going to illustrate Greg's point very nicely without him talking at all, which is this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

As he puts my.

[Adam Carolla]

His arm around him, as I put my arm around Him.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

It was sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

No, in that next room is the ass of one Donald Mizrahi, AKA the Wees. And also sitting next to him is the professor Sandy Gans, his cousin. And then there's me. We're all car nuts. And I've told the story before, but we go to pebble beach every year and we sit around and we bask in the glory of all these cars. And, and a few years back we're out to dinner and we're having a conversation about tire size. Like you know, 225, 1560 series versus a 235, 55 series, 50 times a retarded tire conversation. And I said it's interesting that we're all nuts about cars here. And Donnie said well of course I'm nuts about cars. My dad's a transmission mechanic. I grew up around cars. I grew up around his shop. That's all we did. He brought home a new car every week. And I said all right. And I said but Sandy, why are you nuts about cars? Because Sandy's dad was like a butcher. And he said well you know, my dad was a butcher but he, you know, he liked cars a little bit. And I was like well my dad's full blown poster. Never even my dad doesn't. My dad would rather ride a horse if he had a choice. He doesn't like cars. He never liked cars, never owned a tool. So I said so here are the three of us all sitting here. One guy comes from, from the parent of a, is a mechanic, the other one's a butcher, the other one's a substitute school teacher. You have a range here of loves cars as a parent, sort of mid range to. I don't give a flying fuck about cars. Like if I. My dad comes over to my house and says what's new? And I said I bought a new Ferrari and it's sitting in the garage. He'll say that's nice and turn the corner and head down the hall into the den. And by the way, before he leaves, leaves. He doesn't go, let's get a peek at that Ferrari. He just walks out the front door, gets in a shitty lease car and goes back home to Pasadena. So you have the three different levels of enthusiasm, you know, hot, medium and ice cold. Yet we're all equally into cars. How would you explain that? There's no nature or nurture.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You have become the father figure in this trifecta.

[Adam Carolla]

They look, just because I'm paying for.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The motel, they want, you want. You're a they Want to bond with you. And so they. They've come to love cars the way they love.

[Adam Carolla]

No, because they all loved cars separately before we got together.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's what they told you.

[Adam Carolla]

I have pictures of Sandy.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

You know Greg's dad was pretty well known broadcaster.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

He went into the family. You did what your dad did.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But I did not. I never wanted to go into radio until many years after my dad died. I actually was. I got into radio because I was doing stand up. And you do so many morning radio interviews where, you know, you did a show the night before, you hang out, you go to bed at 3am, you wake up at 6 to do seven interviews.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

With all the.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

You're trying to get seats at Dr.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Grins, you're trying to. You're trying to push seats at Dr. Grins. And then all of a sudden Howard brings me on and. And by his good graces, I end up with the show. I never went after it. It's. I kept. Every time I try to get after, they keep dragging me back in.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is interesting that. Even more interesting that you. Even without pursuing it, it still found.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Its way to you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

T bone, do you got some second part of the news, by the way?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

And by the way, my dad was a mechanic for 35 years and I couldn't. I have no interest in cars and I'm happy to drive my Honda for the rest of my life. Like if I had $10 million, I'd be happy to drive my Honda.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

By the way, I'm in the line for a new car. Nothing too fancy, but something a little sport. I gotta. I got a Volkswagen passat right now, V6 electronic. But I want to step it up to something a little bit, a little bit cooler. What do you think about that mj? The. The little Minis, the Coopy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he loves the S version. Love it, love it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Go for it.

[Adam Carolla]

They went from a supercharger to a turbo last year and it's. I don't know, it's 100, I don't know, 78 horsepower. Something's hot. Low car. It's a six cylinder shoulder, not four inline.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

To get all that power with a. With an inline four.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's not a ton of power, but it works well.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

By the way, my dad has one. The tires are a little expensive, but that should be fine for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you're.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

When you're my dad, 255 60s.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is it. Dad, hold on. The tires of that car cheap.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

He said they're more expensive than Other tires maybe he can't get.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, your dad is buying the, the tires that came with the car. And so instead of just buying any 19560 Series 15 that you can find a tire rack or.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So the ones that come with it are a softer, more performance tire.

[Adam Carolla]

Well. Oh, nice. No. What happens in 30 days? People buy, people make this mistake. It's like Dr. Drew when he took his. He took his BMW to the dealership to get car tires. I love white guy problems. And they gouge the out of you if you don't bring your car to the dealership. And, and here's the other thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You do not go to a strip club. You don't go to the VIP room for a hand job. You go to the Thai massage place around the corner for 35 just as good instead of 120 a song.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

This is the type of thing you want to teach your son?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. No, I think it went better. I just go into the bathroom, find the guy selling the lavor and the mints and give him an extra 10 for him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is that what he's there for? I always wondered why he was in the bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

What's he doing in the bathroom when you got a boner?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know what I hate about that guy? It's that I don't want any of his products. But more importantly, I feel sorry for him the whole time I'm in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Staring at boners and sniffing ass for a nine hour shift. You feel sorry for the guy because.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He'S acting cheery about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the part I don't like is when you wash your hands at the sink because it's filled with pussy drippings and stripper glitter and you raise your hands up and he hands you the towel. And when he hands you the towel, when you accept the towel to tacit agreement now, like you must absolutely, you must return. So now you sit there like you don't know what to do. And I have this weird. I don't know, I guess, I don't know. Everyone has it. I'm. I'm cheap, but I spend a lot of money. It's a weird Corolla, Gene. And I will go in there, back in that club and make it rain with balled up 20 twenties. But soon as I get into that bathroom and the guy wants $2 because he gave me a Tic Tac.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In a town like that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What I look like Daddy Warbucks?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And he's not enjoying a shift like that girl who gets to a Van Halen Song, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine standing in a bathroom for a living. To be fair. Yeah. Imagine standing in a bathroom for a living. And they shouldn't employ those guys. I don't know what that is like. Is that classy? It's uncomfortable ball.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's their way of saying, hey, we're a class. It's an Italian guy's version. We're classic guys, like that guy. They like mouthwash, they like cologne, and they like another guy near them when.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

They'Re urinating and handing them a towel.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was Jesus, who was a Roman. He wanted the 12 guys at the dinner. He wanted the washing of the feet, all that.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like the bathroom apostle. But let me say this worst. I, I like it. If there's a large group of guys and I can get lost, that's fine. But what I, I hate it when it's just me and that guy solo and he's just staring at your back while you're taking a piss. And it's all, all, it's all riding on you. You're going to turn around, it's going to look at you, there's going to be a little eye contact. Do you go to the sink? Do you just walk right out? Are you going to see the guy again? What if he hands you something? Yeah, there's nothing in there, by the way. Like, that guy should be selling like a pheromone or something to get you laid. There's nothing in there. The shot of ax is not going to get you laid.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I usually stand outside the bathroom door and I wait until I see him go to take a piss, then I go in.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's what you make.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I take a piss and I get out of there.

[Adam Carolla]

Shoulder roll, cartwheel pick and roll it down on your belly like, like you're crawling under barbed wire.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I figure it's clean in there. No one's dripping on the floor with the guy watching.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Now, Greg, you have a boy and a girl, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Do you find that they're different? I mean, obviously they're different, but do you find that? Do you, did you find that from the minute, like, you know, Adam's got almost four years, four year olds, but instantaneously, the girl, he was more manipulative.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My boy's a girl. My girl's a boy. My girl's a mess. She's total alpha. She's aggressive, she's in trouble. My boy is neat and he's very ordered. He doesn't like chaos. He likes to know the schedule.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Likes to lay out his cars and his little trains, like to put stuff in a line. And then she just comes in and knocks it all done all over. And then he yells to tell ya. I don't know why. Everything that they mispronounce, everything is. Everything is cute and mispronounced. My assistant Jay is J. Joe, the nanny. Olga is Olga.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's the name of the guy who stands in your bathroom?

[Adam Carolla]

That's Lucius.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Evil name. Just so that it excuses whatever you might do in there with him.

[Adam Carolla]

I t bone about some news, baby girl.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

You know how your parents got divorced but then they didn't really.

[Adam Carolla]

They got. My parents are so fucking apathetic and so fucking lazy that they couldn't even get divorced like that would have. Divorce is actually effort put toward a relationship. If you think about it, it's an effort to separate and finalize it. But they're so fucking cheap and so lazy and so absolutely apathetic. Just like not giving me a middle name. They realize getting divorced would be something, and we're about nothing. So let's just leave each other.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's funny. Say that I. They didn't give me a middle name either, and I resented the shit out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Rightfully so.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Why not?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think they just were not. They weren't. I think all three kids were surprises. And I think that there was just not a lot of prep. There was not a lot of proactive. Proactive parenting.

[Adam Carolla]

I had nine months to pull something together. Yeah, but that's all point. You're still at the hospital and the bloom is off the rose.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Haven't even taken you home yet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's not like the Irish go for a stretch with the name. It's always Kevin or Michael.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Kevin or Sean.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Right. It's like, you're not gonna kill you. You could be Liam now.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, I. I told the story before, but I talked to my dad and my mom, and they gave the worst possible answer you could get. Like, oh, watch you. You be me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Ask me why I don't have a middle name.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dad. What the. All my friends have.

[Adam Carolla]

They would never be in the same room together. But we'll start with dad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dad, what is it about you and Mom?

[Adam Carolla]

Don't be aggressive. Just ask about why no middle name. Mom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dad, how come.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hello.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

They're not in the same room.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just dad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dad, how come I don't have a middle name?

[Caller Matt]

That was pop water.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm gonna go ask Mom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, Go ahead.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Mom, how Come. I don't have a middle name.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you ask your dad?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. That's it. That was. You just announced in the world. I'm bored with my kids. Like, I don't give a. Yeah. Now everyone's like, this is little Dylan, Bobby Jacob Michael Thurston, Count Faux Suede iii. Yeah. Oh, shut the up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's no big. There's no baby booties bronzed for me. There's very few children's pictures. It's all. It was just really like. But you know what?

[Allison Rosen]

They were right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because it didn't make a difference. They were right. I'm fucking up my life by spending way too much time trying to be the parent of all time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Gleaning today. That doesn't really matter. What I.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't matter.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think the best. You know what you're doing. That's amazing. And this is what. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell says, the mother determines most of the character strengths for the child. Number one, you have a college education.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is the best thing you could.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Have done for your kid. Number two, you work. And number three, did you breastfeed?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I did.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Find my mom. You're done answering her trivia questions. Paul, Brian. This is my mom. She's a wicked sense of humor.

[Caller Matt]

How should I know?

[Adam Carolla]

This is. This is my mom. We. We did it. We did a thing when we did the radio show. He said, hey, mom, you live in North Hollywood. And Dave Damaschek, the old sports guy, his mom lives in Beaver Falls, Pittsburgh. Or maybe she was in Arizona at the time, but either way, Phoenix. Either Beaver Falls, Phoenix. Either way, you live in a place where you get the radio show, and she lives in a place where they don't have the radio show. Let's figure out who the bigger fan is. So we're going to ask you some trivia questions about the radio show. And we're like, all right, name. Give the name of our black intern. How should I know that was her on the phone? Like, how should I. Well, first off, obviously, we're asking questions that are sort of relevant and pertinent to people who might listen to the radio show.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Any listener would have known. Gerons, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Her thing was, how would I know your intern's name? And I think was she wasn't smart enough to figure out the fact that we would obviously wouldn't ask questions that people who didn't listen wouldn't know the answer of. Like, I wouldn't go, what color my socks this morning had I not talked about it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Was A pool of information. She should have been.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the great news. The great thing is after let's hear mom shoot a few more actions.

[Allison Rosen]

How would I know that after about.

[Adam Carolla]

25 of those, Mo Damek got on the blower and promptly answered every single question.

[Allison Rosen]

And she. How can you possibly expect me to answer that?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Dave's mom answered pretty obscure questions that.

[Adam Carolla]

Even I didn't know every single one of them. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my mom and her wild sense of humor. But what a jovial fun. What a party. Oh, what a party.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Choice between a mother that knew nothing or knew every answer correctly. I'm going with Mom.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

No, nothing. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, but this is no, nothing that's sort of angry about it. If they're angry that you asked her question, how should I know? I got a great conversation with my mom once where it's like. And by the way, the people you don't talk to, they have it. They bring it on themselves. I said to her, I said, what's my stepdad, John? I said, well, let's he make ballpark a year. Oh. She said, brian will tell you. How should I know? I said. I said, but, mom, seriously, just, you know, 50 grand, 80 grand. What?

[Allison Rosen]

How would I know that?

[Adam Carolla]

I said, well, you've been married to him for, you know, 21 years, so just. And he's the only source of income. So, you know, I don't need any money. I'm not borrowing any money. I'm okay. I'm. I make my own money. I'm doing fine. I'm just. Just curious how John's doing over there at lockdown. Keep. No.

[Allison Rosen]

How can you possibly expect me to answer that?

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. No answer.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's not like when you're married that long, that there's a wealth of topics you can discuss together. That for me, in my marriage, that's probably one of the biggest ones is how much did you make at the doctor Grins.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right. Yeah, you'd have something to say.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's your bonus structure? And he's. You sell any CDs? How's the merch?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I mean, we get into all that stuff. How do you not know?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, no, we did.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

He was married to a Jew, I believe.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. Yeah, I got a Jew on.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me get a little contrast with my wife. I told her about 300 times, hey, baby, I'm out of a job. I don't know if you've heard about that. I've been telling her for about two years I'm out of a job. We got to tighten our belts and get our. Together here. And there was this. We'd get in this argument where we had some security at a. At a gig I was playing, you know, and. And we had to pay the security. And I said. And Donnie said, well, we'll pay the guy, Phil, He's Jimmy. Security guy. Said, we'll pay him out of the. The money from the gig, you know, I went to go to do Irvine for five nights, and Phil came out there. It was a couple hundred bucks a night, and we'll pay him out of the kitty that we get for doing the gig.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

And Lynette said, oh, my God, it's exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

She said, no, nah, nah, nah. We'll pay for that. We'll pay for that. And so then I talked to. I didn't know about it. And then I talked to Donnie, and I was like, yeah, Donnie, Lynette's insisting on paying for the security out of you guys instead of out of the, you know, the gig. And I said, why? I don't know. She insists on it. I went home and I said, hey, sweetie, why don't we pay Phil from the money I made from the gig versus Just out of our own pockets, you know, to gross. Yeah, I think you could. You call it an expense.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

That is definitely a corporate expense.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's like. She's like, yeah, I don't know. Like. But Donnie said, why not? You kind of waved him off. Yeah. So I just figured it was your security. Well, I don't. For the game.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know who's dumber here, Donnie or you. Your wife is clearly making alliances that will serve her later on. She's gonna want some information.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's gonna want, you know, if things go rocky in the marriage, evidently. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very nice of you, but let's pay from that. And then I said. I said, listen, I gotta get you a little more focused on the money over here because we don't have any money. And she said, I'm very focused on it. And I said, how much is the mortgage on this house?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean, ballpark. Did she have ballpark?

[Adam Carolla]

Ballpark.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Jeez.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Ballpark.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

But very focus. Laser.

[Joe Walsh]

Laser.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Here's my biggest.

[Adam Carolla]

Laser focus.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Here's my biggest.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's my point. Nicest person on the planet. Not interested. You're not interested. It is hard to get people interested in. They're not interested in. And it's like, not interested. Like, we're just bringing it Full circle. If your kid ain't into math, it move on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. No Sylvan Learning center is ever going to get your kid into math.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And everybody who talks about. But the second stage of learning in life, post school, real life. What the fuck do I do now? Is about what do you do? Well, do that a lot. Don't mow your own lawn, do your own taxes, pay people that do that well and take all the energy that you have and do that one thing and you know you've only got one. And do it a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you're bad at math, you're going to be bad at math at 13 and 113. So fuck it. Yeah, get an accountant and then do something where you excel and get someone else to do your math.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think that a great how to book it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

People need to say it more.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, whether it's going after a lawsuit against a neighbor over something small or, you know, your child, it didn't get the PSAT score that they wanted it. We don't have college money. Fuck it. If my kid's smart, someone will give him a scholarship. Otherwise, what's a college fund? It's a giant bribe to a school to take your mediocre kid because he doesn't belong there.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

It has no meaning.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, I've said it many times. Like Jimmy Kimmel said to me in, like 1994, listen, if you could learn to cut, literally cut with a razor blade and tape and edit this audio tape for the radio station, you would be a much bigger asset around here. In a went it. I'm not gonna do that. And I was right. It was the greatest decision I ever made.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Absolutely.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Well, I had a news story about bigamy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, give me that.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Should I bother with it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, give me a bigamy.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

A man in Wisconsin charged with bigamy told police he planned on divorcing his first wife, but he simply lost track of time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this is my dad.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Much like the curless.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. Eventually they remarried and that's why they had to get divorced.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

This guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's ironic that you talk about a bigamy case in Wisconsin because have you seen the size of those people?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah, each one is two.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It should be a big of them. Clay.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that once you get over, you know, £300, it is bigamy. And then eventually polygamy, when you hit 900 pounds.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Holy ghoney.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

This guy, 37 years old, had lost track of time. Never got around to his official divorce. Divorce three Years later, he was still legally married to one woman when he went to Vegas and married another. He admitted he knew he was still married, but said he had meant to obtain a divorce upon his return from Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think he said the word obtain or upon his second wife. He said, I was fixing one of them. Divorcers. Yeah, Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

I never got around to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

His second wife called, called the police when she found out.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, his second wife, the one he just married in Vegas?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

The second wife called police when she found out that he never followed through with the divorce.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. The first one. Yeah. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now this sounds like your parents. This is. This, this could be laziness. You, you blamed your parents, not divorcing on laziness.

[Adam Carolla]

What about this guy? It was here's, I mean, again, it was probably $65 for the paperwork, which was a king's ransom to the Corollas in the mid late 70s. It involved burning calories and it was something. They always take the side of nothing versus something, the way Corollas went. And why get divorced when you have no assets to divide and you're both just going to go slink off in your own parts of North Hollywood and wait to die? Like why?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, they've got the 65 bucks. If they pay the fee, there's nothing to fight over.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know that my dad had the $65 because he went and lived with my grandparents, which were his in laws at the time. A one bedroom with one bathroom in North Hollywood, you had to walk through the bedroom to get to the bathroom.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

But they did proceed to loathe each.

[Adam Carolla]

Other for many years after many years of uncomfortable loathing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How did they keep the flames alive? And the hatred. Funny that the love can fade, but the hatred isn't that amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have, I, I've said many times, I don't think they hated each other. I think they were humiliated by being with each other. Like, Teresa, you've been with plenty of schlubs in your life. Sexual shlome. And, and women do that all the time. Because I've had it done to me personally, where it's like I run in some old girlfriend and I can see her go, I can't believe I let that pig me. Yeah, like I shut this down. Dick. Oh God. Like women have that sense of shame. Like that. What? Now imagine two people. Like when you're at a party, that sense of shame is more powerful than even hatred. Like when you're at a party and there's Someone across the party, you go, oh, Kurt's here. Hate that guy. Fucking took my starting position and the football team in high school. You know, I'm going to go over there just to. With him, you know, I mean, there actually. Hatred can kind of bring you together. Like Palestine, Palestinians and Jews. Like, you know what? We're not going to leave you alone. We're going to blow up your pizza parlor or we're going to get right in on you.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

It's highly charged.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you're in a party and you look across the way and you're like, oh, I got really drunk and I. That chick, and I think I threw up when I was eating her. And oh, that. And then she sees you and goes, oh, that's a guy barfed at my. Oh, that. And next thing you know, next thing you know, you're that far. Believe me, you two aren't getting near. I mean, you're talking to your friend like, where is she? Where is she? Where is she? She left. She go to the bathroom. We're not going over by the punch bowl until she clears up. That sense of shame keeps you apart. Yeah, and my parents looked at each other and went, God damn, you're so pathetic. I can't believe I ever. You like, yuck. And you remind me of everything that's wrong with me and how I was and how pathetic I was when I.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Was a turbo boost to that whole scenario is that everybody knows you are with this person, so you can't. You can't. Like, your status is diminished by their very presence.

[Adam Carolla]

And normally there's an Alpha in that group where there's the pathetic fat guy that got to bang Teresa Strasser when she was working at Islands. Who doesn't mind standing next door at the party going in, look at this, buddy. Not so bad. I didn't do too bad for myself. But imagine if you both felt that way. That's how my parents felt. So I think they're both wildly humiliated that they're ever with each other. And thus, that's what kept one in the car while the other one, you know, waited for me to come down the porch.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So in this schematic of marriage that you've laid out for us so eloquently today, if you're listening at home, look at your spouse and think, am I repulsed by that person?

[Adam Carolla]

Person.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And if you're not, they are by you.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Well, has to be one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's got to be one. You can't both think you got the better end of the deal.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that would be too perfect. They both thought they got the business end of the stinks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, that's a really bad setup. But I think in most marriages, one person and I. I have to think it's my wife in this case.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Thinks they did better.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes, absolutely. Yeah, for sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My wife did better. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But that's a compliment to you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because you don't want. It's like, it's like, it's like. It's like, here's what you want. Here's what you want in a wife. You want the same thing you want in a hotel room. You don't want any of your buddies walking in your hotel room and going, what the fuck? What are you staying here for? Jesus. I thought you were doing pretty good. Yeah, what you want is them to walk in your hotel room and go, whoa, somebody's doing pretty good for themselves. Now, now there's a sort of a. There's a sort of backhanded compliment is, how did your smelly ass get in this beautiful suite with all the. With all the Carrara marble? But it's still a compliment. That's when you're with a hot chick or with a chick that's better than you. Yeah, that's a sweet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You want your buddies come over. How did you land that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But what if you come into your hotel room and your buddy's in the hotel room?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

That's the thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Fucking every piece of furniture.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't work out that scenario. All I'm saying is, is, is, you know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, you've got a good sound. Cuz guys, I think are more proud.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

There's nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

We.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw Greg's wife and I was like, wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Were you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

And for a second you thought, huh.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. One day, I guess he had his hair.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

She's lovely.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like one of those. I had to do something.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

He must add his hair then. He's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

He's funny.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

He entertains her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Some people think he's funny. Yeah, that's. That's. I was at his hair. Well, was that someone else's hair?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I had hair.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

No, As a woman, I understand Gray Greg's appeal.

[Adam Carolla]

You do? You're losing your hair.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Greg's pretty hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Really.

[Unknown Male Contributor]

Because he's funny and he has kind of like a protective Irish temper thing. And he'll get into a fight over you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Some women would be afraid of that. Think he's gonna punch me in the face, but you understand. No, that's right. Somebody else in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

You would never.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I can see the attraction, but.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think for men, it's more to have sold a piece of to somebody than to own a really good car. So a marriage to somebody who's better than you, for us, is proof that you're a good salesman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because your friends know you're a piece of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you got to marry this woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Fitz, he's a good salesman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, I bought into it when I saw you over at Kimmel's and your lovely wife. By the way, this is a. It's a good note to go out on, by the way, since we're running late. All right, there's Adam K Show 334. Coming up next, we have Adam K Show 921, featuring Harlan Williams, Rich Eisen, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop.

[Brian Bishop]

This one's from September of 2012, and.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S our last clip of the day. Hope you enjoy. And now, replacement referee Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandy, get it on. Good day. Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

I am so upset about this football travesty.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, everyone's going nuts. We got Rich Eisen on the phone, the voice of football. Rich, great to speak to you, brother.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

How are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Adam? Good. Thank you for calling in. We do appreciate it.

[Caller Matt]

Hey, no, thank you for calling into my show. I mean, this is the way we. This is the way we do.

[Adam Carolla]

Free each other, you know? Well, when. When the Patriots lost to the Ravens on the Sunday night game, I found out the next day, I had to call Rich's show because I'm the guy who does nothing but complain about the goal post height. And here we go again. So that'll be my legacy. Now the replacement refs are front and center because of this debacle with Green Bay and Seattle. Rich, can I ask you this? I think there's something that a lot of people don't know about this story, which is the referee that goes under the hood is not a replacement referee. Is that correct?

[Caller Matt]

Well, the ref who goes under the hood on the field is the replacement referee. But the guy who's upstairs at the video official is not a replacement. He is the regular video official, and he has sitting next to him for, during this entire situation, somebody from the league office who helps with the administration of the game as well, who happened to be a guy named Phil Luckett last night, who NFL fans may remember was the lead official on Thanksgiving between The Lions and Steelers years ago, and the coin toss got messed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

[Caller Matt]

That's the guy who's now sort of like the zellig of the world. Administrative errors in officiating, NFL history.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I can tell you right now, if this was South America and this was soccer, he would be killed. Guys on motorcycles, guys on motorcycles would pull up next to him in his Prius and just open up.

[Caller Matt]

Well, so, yes, this is something that on replay, you know, is reviewable. If catch ruled on the field of play outside of the end zone is not reviewable, but in the end zone it is. And to me, I thought I saw undisputable evidence that it was an interception in the end zone. It wasn't a simultaneous catch. But somehow, some ways, you know, when two or three people go in and make a decision that some group think might spit it out in a different direction, and I have no idea how they decided to just keep the play standing is called.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is how somebody decided. This is what happened with Nicole Richie. Somebody decided she was hot a long time ago. And we haven't been able to dispute that call. I have. I've seen the tapes.

[Allison Rosen]

The replacement press.

[Adam Carolla]

So this. This ultimately, even though the refs screwed it up on the field, the replacement refs, this was not a replacement ref that was up in the booth, and this was a guy from the league who made this horrific call. Is that correct?

[Caller Matt]

Well, I guess when you put it all together, that's not the final decision.

[Adam Carolla]

Rest with the.

[Caller Matt]

With the official on the field. And that's the way the competition committee in the NFL wants it, because that's the way the coaches have wanted it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so what's the guy up on the booth, in the booth doing if it's.

[Caller Matt]

It sort of lends him some. Some thoughts and. And. And tells them, this is what I think it's going on. And he's not the ultimate arbiter. He's just a piece of the puzzle that eventually the final decision maker is the ref on the field.

[Adam Carolla]

But ultimately, if you're the ref on the field and. And six weeks ago, you were reffing a girls soccer game, and now you're down on the field.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

These girls are tough.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're down on the field, and the voice has come down from the booth that said that was an interception, that was not a catch. You're not going against that voice, are you?

[Caller Matt]

Well, you don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean.

[Caller Matt]

And that's part of the roll of the dice that has taken place here. I don't know the exact, exact DNA of that decision last night. But all I know is that, you know, I've been advocating for years that there should be certainly when there's just one game going on, the league official, the head league official sitting in the league office in New York City makes these calls. That should be the person that's on the phone to the ref. I mean, in hockey and in baseball, when there are replay reviews, it's the league office that's on the other end of the line. And in the league, there's a video official that's there at the stadium talking to the referee who's the one that goes under the hood. And this is the way coaches have wanted it. The coaches want. Because if you see in college, it's the replay official upstairs who makes the decision. The college refs are just put a headset on and hear from the person upstairs what they should rule on the field. But in the NFL, they wanted the referee to have a say in it because they want to see look in the eye the guy who's made the decision. And the problem is, is the guy who's making the decision right now has no experience in making this decision. And coaches have no, no confidence in them to make the right decision. Why these coaches are on edge and screaming and yelling.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm still, I'm still not past the part where the guy in the booth may have screwed this up as well, because I do feel like if word was handed down from up above this is an interception, then as a ref who did not want to lose his job or face scrutiny, I would just agree with the guy upstairs and say, I'm just doing what he said.

[Caller Matt]

I just can't say with any conclusivity what exactly happened. You would think that the person who has got experience upstairs looking at that sees that the guy Jennings of the Green Bay packers who corralled the ball, put, pushed it, pulled it against his chest, and the referee on the field, the official on the field who signified touchdown, the other guy signified touchback and interception at the same time, and the guy who signified touchdown, if you, if you look at the play again, and this is being showed over and over again on our network, espn, sure, you could see the guy who initially signaled touchdown as there was a pig pile on top of everybody was in the middle to try and break it all up, because I think he realized. I think he just threw his arms up in the air, just.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why.

[Caller Matt]

I don't know what he saw. But yeah, clearly. And then, and then what should have happened is those two guys should have stepped away from the play before signaling anything, conferred with each other, the referee, the official, the guy with a white hatchet to run over. And this would happen if it was the regular officials. They would have had some sort of conference and then made some decision, which is crucial, what the decision is, because replay needs to base basis something off of what's been ruled on the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Rich, also, two things. One is you're doing a wonderful job over there on the NFL Network. I love it. And I love the podcast, the Rich Eisen Podcast. Get on itunes. It's awesome. But two things. One is the problem is they go, okay, this is open for replay. This is open for review. But this other thing isn't open for review. So you see the receiver commit blatant offensive pass interference. Two hands pushed in the back, knock the guy over. I mean, it is a textbook example of offensive pass interference that cannot be reviewed, by the way. To me, anything that can be called and can change the game should be able to be reviewed. And there's certain things they have in play, which is. I'll give you a good example, Rich, but because I like to announce my examples are good before I say them, you know that if a player gets hurt in the middle of the game, there's a referee timeout or whatever player. But in the last two minutes of the game, if a player gets hurt, the other team has to spend a timeout the team who's it. Why? Because you could tell your players, pretend you're hurt so we can get some time to gather and buy a few more seconds. Right. So we have certain rules in the last two minutes of the game that are different than the rest of the game. And I would say something like offensive pass interference, which is not reviewable, is reviewable in the last two minutes of the game.

[Caller Matt]

You're never going to get what is technically a judgment call reviewable.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, except for everything. I mean, not everything, but so many things are judgment calls. And every human being says, says, sees another guy push another guy in the back with both hands. The guy went down on his face.

[Caller Matt]

Yeah, well, you're already seeing. The games are. I think in the first three weeks of the season, the games are something along the lines of like seven minutes longer than usual.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller Matt]

Part of it has to do with, again, these guys who are, as you said, were at the debutante ball at the NAIA a couple of weeks ago and now are administrating this game a speed of which is too fast for them. That's one part of it. The other part of it is that the league this year instituted a rule that all scoring plays last. Two years ago, they institute all scoring plays are reviewable. Now they institute a rule that all turnover, all plays that include a turnover are reviewable because they just want to. Coaches keep saying that so many more and more things are challengeable that they don't have enough challenges in their, you know, in their quiver to actually use during a game. So it's just getting longer and longer. And the league is just. I think they're at their limit on how many things are challengeable to me. I've been advocating that helmet to helmet calls that are called should be reviewable because how many times are you going to see collisions take place? And it's really a shoulder and a chest or a shoulder on shoulder.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Allison's here. That's not a gay thing. Helmet to helmet means something in silver. Like that. It's totally different on the football field.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Not totally different.

[Adam Carolla]

Not totally. One thing I'd like to. Now, I, of course, have been complaining. I've complained about multiple things. Yes, go ahead, Brian. Yes, I've complained about the height of the goal post many, many, many, many, many times. But the other thing I've announced as well, and I've probably done it on your NFL show and your podcast as well, this thing of not enough evidence to overturn the call that was on the field is insane to me. I've said, put your head under the hood, see the replay, make the call. And if somebody said, oh, before I take a look at this replay, what did they call? Did they call an interception or they call a touchdown? I'd say, none of your fucking business. Go put your head under the hood and tell me what you see. I don't want you factoring in the bad call, which is, by the way, it's under review because it's a bad call.

[Allison Rosen]

Like the contestants on Bachelor Pad don't get get to know how everyone else votes. They just go in anonymously.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now you're stepping on Rich's metaphors.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry.

[Caller Matt]

Well, no, bachelor parrot is an applicable metaphor.

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's yours, Rich. That's what I'm saying. You use it all the time. Yeah, I mean.

[Caller Matt]

Anytime I bring up replay to somebody in the league office, their first response is, listen, it's not a catch. All.

[Adam Carolla]

All.

[Caller Matt]

It's not something that is perfect either. It's not a perfect system, but it's better than having nothing But Rich and I agree with you, but. But when there is no evidence that's conclusive because not every time there is. And they. They've got to stick with what's on the field. That's why they use different terminology. There's three different announcements. There's that the play is reversed and there's the plays confirmed. And as the play stands as call, when it's confirmed, that means they've under gone.

[Adam Carolla]

But you hear the guys, you hear the guys in the booth all the time saying, it looks like his foot was out of bounds, but from this angle, it's hard to tell. And there's not enough to turn over the call that was made on the field. And so what I'm asking you, and I was talking to my buddy Kevin Hench about this earlier today, who knows everything about everything because he pointed out the fact that the poor receiver that got, that got the poor DB that got pushed in the back on the offensive interference was also the DB that got called for the mystery pass interference. It was just running down the field.

[Caller Matt]

Yeah, Shield.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Five minutes earlier, the guy's just running down the field and he gets mugged from behind. He's got to feel like he's got to take like a Silkwood shower. Like, he's got to feel like a rape victim. Like, what? First I'm running down the field and I get the flag for pass interference for nothing. And then I actually get interfered with in the. There's zero flag on the course of five minutes, which, by the way, that was the outcome of the game. But I was talking to him and I said, hench, the fact that it was called a touchdown on the field may have influenced what was made. So that's the point is if somebody said, hey, just take a look at this tape. Not 9 out of 10, 99 out of 100 people go, that's an interception. But if you make a declaration on the field of it is a touchdown, then you go into the booth with that knowledge.

[Caller Matt]

It's very rare to have a situation where one official calls one thing and one official calls another thing. And their basic reaction is like, well, you know what? We're going to throw our hands up and let's see what the replay says. There always needs to be a ruling that's on the field before something is defined worthy of a challenge by head coach.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I understand that. And I understand there can be a ruling on the field.

[Caller Matt]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I just don't want the guy who goes under the hood to know it. I don't want him to know it.

[Caller Matt]

So it could be sort of like, you know, a name, Matt Tune, where they're stuck in some hermetic. Whoever is, some hermetically sealed booth with an official sitting in. And it's just like they knock on the glass.

[Adam Carolla]

He's asleep.

[Caller Matt]

They wake him up. Hey, we need you to look at this sight unseen. We're not telling you what the ruling on the field is. You just take a look at it, and you let us know.

[Adam Carolla]

I prefer to think of him as the Gimp from Pulp. Fix. Perfect. Break out the Gimp.

[Caller Matt]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Get him under the hood, the leather hood, and let the Gimp make the call.

[Caller Matt]

I think, Adam, you have come up with another ingenious edition that will go unheeded by the league.

[Adam Carolla]

Go for the Gimp. And then he's just sitting there going, whoa.

[Caller Matt]

The NFL replay Gimp, to me, is a genius idea. It may. It may scare off the family element that the league is trying to attract, but nonetheless, if it does make the replay system better, I say go for it.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you have Ving Rhames come out there, and he's like. He says to the ref, you just lost your Seattle privileges. So when you go, you stay gone. We're a long way from. Okay.

[Caller Matt]

They have no timeouts left. Their challenge privileges have been revoked.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna bring my chain gang in, and we're going medieval on this DB's ass. Yes. I want the Gimp. I want them to be like an abducted CNN camera crew in the Middle East.

[Caller Matt]

So does this make the packers the Zed of this analogy?

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Yes, Peter Green.

[Caller Matt]

Zed's dead.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a motorcycle, baby. It's a chopper. Just like that line. Where did you get the motorcycle? It's not a. It's a chopper.

[Caller Matt]

It's a chopper, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Now get on there.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

He's bleeding from the nose.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Let's get the Gimp out. Put the Gimp under the hood, and let's make it a leather hood. All right. The great Rich Isis. Such a delight. The Rich Eisen podcast. You can get it on iTunes. The website richison.NFL.com just for fun, for everyone who has a shitty job and thinks Rich Eisen has a rabbit's foot up his ass because he gets to talk football for a living and gets.

[Allison Rosen]

Tweeted by Matthew Perry.

[Adam Carolla]

And tweeted by Matthew Perry. What time do you get up on Sunday morning to go into work?

[Caller Matt]

Usually in the 3am hour at some point.

[Adam Carolla]

3Am so about half hour after I go to bed. There you go. You get up to go to work.

[Caller Matt]

Yeah. We may cross paths.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Try to avoid me on your ride in.

[Joe Walsh]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

We may cross paths 18 days a year.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

Sounds like pure hell.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be the guy driving with one eye closed just so I can focus. All right. Rich, always a delight, buddy.

[Caller Matt]

You bet.

[Adam Carolla]

Take care. Good times. What's not to like about Rich Eisen?

[Allison Rosen]

There's nothing not to like.

[Adam Carolla]

He's bald.

[Allison Rosen]

It works for him, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's got it all. No, no, that works for me.

[Unknown Female Contributor]

That's Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good thing. Yeah, you just. Your tone went the wrong direction, but yeah. All right, this is ADAM Cole Show 921. That does it for Ace Cole Classics.

[Brian Bishop]

Make sure to tune next weekend for three.

[Adam Carolla]

All new installments until then. And get it, Sam.