John Popper + Matt Walsh (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show: John Popper + Matt Walsh (Carolla Classics)

Release Date: February 1, 2026
Podcast Network: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
Guests: Matt Walsh, John Popper, Steve Hofstadter
Regulars: Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, Brian "Bald Bryan" Bishop

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Episode Overview

This episode of Carolla Classics brings together some of the best segments from earlier Adam Carolla Show episodes, with a focus on unfiltered humor, pop culture rants, and lively guest appearances. The featured highlights include comedic insights from Veep star and Upright Citizens Brigade founding member Matt Walsh, an interview with Blues Traveler frontman John Popper, and a discussion with comedian Steve Hofstadter. Regular co-hosts Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop provide their own signature banter, and the classic Carolla “crew drama” is never far from the surface.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. On Making and Bridging Movies – The “Six Months Later” Cop-Out

[03:22]–[06:25]

• Adam shares the frustrations of filmmaking, particularly when movies skip time with a “six months later” title card to cover for missing story elements:

  “The movie version of duct tape … It should’ve just kind of flowed … if it’s one of those ‘20 years later’ Adam Sandler type bullshit things—yeah—but usually it's, ‘We couldn’t figure out how to finesse this. So we'll jump ahead six months and have a wedding scene.’” (Adam, [05:30])

• Discussion on how movies either earn their time-jumps or use them as shortcuts, referencing Chef and Clear History.

2. Behind-the-Scenes: Editors, Trust, and Hollywood Douchebaggery

[06:25]–[11:26]

• Adam talks about pickup shoots for his film Road Hard, and raves about finding an editor who “just wants to edit,” unusual in Hollywood where most want to direct.

  “I know you’re good at it… And he said, ‘Yeah.’ And I said, ‘But you want to direct one day?’ ‘Nope. I like editing.’ Now I love this guy.” (Adam, [09:14])

• Both Adam and the editor bond over mutual disdain for Telepictures:

  “How is it that every human being that has any contact with Telepictures … has decided they're the biggest fucking jack-off douchebag asshole weirdos in the world?” (Adam, [11:05])

3. Movie Ratings Rant: Historical Smoking and Modern Hypocrisy

[14:35]–[21:58]

• Adam and the crew riff on Monuments Men’s unusual PG-13 rating for “war violence and historical smoking,” and mock Hollywood’s obsession with anti-smoking warnings.

  “A 12-year-old can watch as much fisting-based porn as they want, but God forbid they see ‘historical smoking’ ... What are we even doing?” (Adam, [17:31])

• Adam extends the bit to the broader cultural phenomenon:

  “We take stands against things that nobody could defend, essentially. It’s the bumper sticker that says ‘end war.’" (Adam, [20:28])

4. School-to-Prison Pipeline and Social Problems

[23:59]–[33:18]

• Discussion around discipline and demographics in schools, with data showing higher suspension rates for black students.

• The group criticizes “safe,” noncommittal responses from institutional leaders:

  “He doesn’t want to go home and read a whole bunch of shitty tweets. So he just says something that means nothing.” (Adam, [32:36])

• Adam points out data correlating single-parent households with suspension rates:

  “Shockingly, the exact order as single-parent households … as who’s getting suspended most in schools.” (Adam, [25:19])

5. Caller Segment: Friendship and Outgrowing People

[34:30]–[40:32]

• Callers share life dilemmas: one about a declining friendship due to weed-induced stagnation; another about the “$75,000 happiness” income study.

  “At a certain point in my life, I started hanging around with successful people … you want to be a part of that.” (Adam, [37:07]) “The sting of not having enough is much greater than the pleasure of extra … Once you’re above a certain point, you don’t really feel it.” (Adam, [43:51])

6. Beer-Gate and Crew Drama

[122:17]–[144:06]

• Adam jokingly investigates who from the crew stole and returned beer, leading to an extended, playful analysis.

  “To the best of my knowledge, there is only one gentleman, and I use that term loosely, who brought the beer back, and that individual was Mike Altier.” (Adam, [140:14])

• Playful group teasing on loyalty, gratitude, and fear of the boss.

7. Interview Highlights: Matt Walsh & John Popper

Matt Walsh on Filming Into the Storm and Working with Julia Louis-Dreyfus

[48:28]–[56:43]

• Matt discusses shooting stunts, the difference between horror-comedies and straight horror, and plays along with Adam’s improv bit about having “cool” friends at his house.

  “I like a good comedy horror, like American Werewolf or Shaun of the Dead … If there’s comedy in it, I’ll watch it.” (Matt Walsh, [50:34])

• Praises Julia Louis-Dreyfus:

  “She likes the detail. She’s very pro about the joke and she really … works hard at it. She’s really good.” (Matt, [53:31])

John Popper on Touring and Collaborating

[126:07]–[135:23]

• John promotes the Under the Sun tour with Blues Traveler, Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray, and Uncle Kracker. They discuss aging, band dynamics, and recording collaborative tracks with various other bands:

  “When you work with people that are different, they show you cool stuff about you you didn't know.” (John Popper, [133:24])

8. Hollywood, Careers, and “Peak” Actor Performances

[88:12]–[99:12]

• Extended riffing on which movies represent actors at their most “themselves” (e.g., Pacino's “Scent of a Woman,” Swayze’s “Road House,” Nicholson’s “The Shining”).

9. Comic Industry & Stand-Up: Steve Hofstadter Interview

[154:19]–[166:00]

• Steve discusses his TV clip show Laughs, the difficulties of launching stand-up on television, and the pitfalls of “notes” from non-comics.

  “The best thing about it is … we’re only showing a minute and a half, and there are plenty who have a killer 90 seconds. Good luck getting to two.” (Steve, [155:45])

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• [05:30] Adam Carolla:
  “When it comes at the end of the movie … we couldn’t figure out how to finesse this or bridge this. So we're just gonna ... jump ahead six months. We'll have a wedding scene.”

• [09:14] Adam Carolla describing his editor:
  “You’re an editor, and that’s what you want to continue doing? ‘Absolutely.’ And I was like, now I love this guy.”

• [17:31] Adam Carolla on movie ratings:
  “A 12-year-old couldn’t handle ‘historical smoking’, but a 12-year-old can watch as much film fisting-based porn as they’d like on the Internet by age nine.”

• [20:28] Adam Carolla on cultural wars:
  “We take stands against things nobody could defend, essentially … it’s the bumper sticker that says ‘end war’. Who’s gonna have a serious beef with that?”

• [32:36] Adam Carolla on bureaucracy and cowardly leadership:
  “He doesn’t want to go home and read a whole bunch of shitty tweets. So he just says something that means nothing, and that's going to not solve the problem.”

• [43:51] Adam Carolla on money and happiness:
  “The sting of not having enough is much greater than the pleasure of extra. ... Once you make over a certain amount, you don’t feel it … but you do feel it when you’re well under.”

• [140:14] Adam Carolla’s verdict on Beer-Gate:
  “To the best of my knowledge, there is only one gentleman, and I use that term loosely, who brought the beer back, and that individual was Mike Altier.”

• [53:31] Matt Walsh on Julia Louis-Dreyfus:
  “She likes the detail. She’s very pro about the joke and she really … works hard at it. She’s really good.”

• [155:45] Steve Hofstadter (on his TV show):
  “There are plenty who have a killer 90 seconds. Good luck getting to two.”

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 03:22–06:25 | Filmmaking and “six months later” cop-out | | 06:25–11:26 | Editors, Hollywood, and Telepictures | | 14:35–21:58 | Movie ratings, “historical smoking”, hypocrisy | | 23:59–33:18 | School-to-prison pipeline, racial data | | 34:30–40:32 | Caller: Friendship and outgrowing friends | | 43:51 | The $75,000 income happiness study | | 122:17–144:06 | Beer-Gate: Staff drama, loyalty, “noted” | | 48:28–56:43 | Matt Walsh interview: stunts, Veep, improv bit | | 126:07–135:23 | John Popper interview: Tour stories, collaboration | | 88:12–99:12 | Actor “peak” roles riff | | 154:19–166:00 | Steve Hofstadter interview: Stand-up/TV industry |

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Additional Highlights

• Recurring banter about Guardians of the Galaxy’s surprise success, voice acting, and James Gunn’s career.
• Extended improvisational riffing, especially with Matt Walsh (“What if Billy Connolly and Questlove just left my house?”).
• Thoughtful discussion about the challenges of launching careers in entertainment, stand-up “clip culture,” and the importance of honesty about ability and preparation.
• Classic Carolla rants on Hollywood bureaucracy, the legal system, and modern cowardice in cultural debates.
• Embarrassing but light-hearted “behind-the-scenes” crew shenanigans, e.g., the “beer heist.”

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Overall Tone

The episode captures Adam Carolla’s signature style: a blend of wit, brash opinions, comedic group riffing, and a refusal to sugarcoat even Hollywood experiences. Regulars Allison Rosen and Bald Bryan provide chemistry and counterpoints, while guests smoothly fit into the sharp, irreverent conversational style. The tone is informal, fast-paced, sometimes self-mocking, and always feels like dropping in on highly opinionated friends with showbiz stories to spare.

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For New Listeners

This episode is very representative of The Adam Carolla Show’s core strengths:

• Unfiltered insights on entertainment, culture, and human behavior
• Playful/dark crew drama as a comedic device
• Frequent digressions that turn into memorable, thematic discussions
• Quick pivots between the ridiculous and the profound

Whether you’re a long-time fan or new to Carolla’s world, this highlight reel delivers behind-the-scenes looks, social commentary, and plenty of laughs.

Transcript

[Allison Rosen]

Foreign.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and.

[Adam Carolla]

Fans like the clips from all 16.

[Brian Bishop]

Years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corel Classics. You can find the ad free archives.

[Adam Carolla]

Exclusively available through podcast Podcast one dot plus. Check it out and sign up. And if you'd like to obtain the.

[Brian Bishop]

Ad free archives, the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

The Adam and Dr. Drew show and get exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to.

[Brian Bishop]

Check out Adam Corolla substack adamcorla.substack.com if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcorl.com all right, let's get.

[Adam Carolla]

The clips coming up.

[Brian Bishop]

First we have Adam Carl Show 1367.

[Adam Carolla]

Founding member of the Upright Citizens Brigade, Matt Walsh, along with Allison Rose and Brian Bishop.

[Brian Bishop]

This one's from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolla handballed Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, sh.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree wholeheartedly.

[Brian Bishop]

Clint Mickle wanted that with the hashtag top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt Walsh, a guy we liked very much. Very funny man. Been in all the good. Geez. I'm trying to think he was in the first hangover.

[Brian Bishop]

I would lead with the doctor in.

[Adam Carolla]

The first hangover, trying to think if he was in the second or third.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think he was.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the way to do it then, right?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I had the good fortune of playing his love interest in a voiceover thing which has not come out, and I don't know if it'll ever come out, but it was pretty exciting for me anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you have me super scintillated and excited. Tell us more.

[Allison Rosen]

Tell a story.

[Brian Bishop]

Humble brag.

[Adam Carolla]

When is. What is it?

[Allison Rosen]

It was a pilot. It was an animated pilot series.

[Adam Carolla]

What was it for?

[Allison Rosen]

For. I mean, it was. It's an animated web series.

[Adam Carolla]

A web series. I forgot there's. You don't have to have. It doesn't have to be for anything anymore. It could just be because it's for NBC, abc.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. It's looking for what it's for. I am not 100% sure that it's web series as opposed to being an actual animated series. I think that the creator, you know, would like to have it be wherever.

[Adam Carolla]

It can be sold. So we will. We will find out whether it's.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, God willing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. People don't realize how the batting average. I don't know. You know, people think I don't want to work for free and Then you work for free. Then everyone tells you, oh, you got to work for free at the beginning. And then once you get established and you don't have to work for free anymore, you still have to work for free. I don't know what percentage of shit I. I do doesn't work out, but it's over half. There's a lot of no guarantees, a lot of working for free and a lot of on spec. Speaking of that, I just came from the edit bay and we're getting the Road Hard a movie. Just getting close, getting closer. But had this nice conversation with the editor, which was wildly refreshing. I had to shoot pickups. Pickups. Sometimes they're exterior shots, sometimes you piece the whole thing together and you go, there's one thing that's missing. It's that bridge from that piece connecting.

[Brian Bishop]

One piece of information to another.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's sort of like. It's really like when you're done assembling a movie after the first go round, because you shoot it in 19 days, you know, you assemble it and it's literally like 1 through 25, but it goes 22, 24, 25, and you're like, fuck, we don't have 23. And that's it. And it's that one little bridge piece that you don't have. And sometimes you know what it is and other times you don't know what it is. In this case, I figured it out. I lived with it for a while. I had that thing that drives me nuts in everyone else's movie, and I had it in my movie where I didn't. I just said three months later as a sort of holding spot. But it bothers me. It bothers me in movies when they do these six months later.

[Brian Bishop]

Why is that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, because you take a movie like Chef and I enjoyed it, but they did that thing where it's a two hour movie and then in the last four minutes they go six months later and they're at the wedding and everyone's back together and everything's sort of fixed up. And it's like it's a kind of movie version of duct tape. It's like that's not a real. A real fix is sort of. I mean, unless it's part of the story.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, if it's a part of the story where it's like 10 years later and you see the guy's growing a long beard or something like that. But usually six months later means we didn't do a good enough job writing it to connect these dots. It should have just kind of flowed.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? Like probably when the creator of the movie was telling another person about it at the very beginning, he wasn't like. And then at the very end it'll say six months later. And they'll show this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you don't really go sit down and write scripts and go six months later. Now, like I said, there's such a thing as 20 years later. If you're shooting a scene where Dane Cook is 8 and gets a hex put on him by an evil temptress and then later on he can have sex with women and then every woman he has sex with then goes on to get married in their next relationship. It's something realistic like that oddly specific example.

[Brian Bishop]

But I know what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

That's off the top of my head. I don't. I haven't seen a Dane Cook a winner. I've not seen any Dane Cook movies. But I'm saying if it's one of those 20 years later, those Adam Sandler type bullshit things where something happens when he's nine, that's something. But when it kind of comes at the end of the movie, it's usually like, we couldn't figure out how to finesse this or bridge this. And we're just gonna. We'll jump ahead six months. We'll have a wedding scene.

[Allison Rosen]

Perfect.

[Brian Bishop]

That's so funny you mentioned that. I saw a movie today that had three years later at the end, basically with five minutes, 10 minutes left in the movie and. And the character had grown a long beard. Really? Just like you said. I'd just seen that two hours ago.

[Adam Carolla]

The hell was it?

[Brian Bishop]

It's the new Larry David movie, clear history. It's on HBO right now. Oh, and that happens at the end three years later. It's got a long beard.

[Adam Carolla]

So sometimes they mean it and sometimes they don't. But it's usually, at least for me, in this particular case, it was a cop out. It was like I didn't have a bridge connecting scene to get us from here to here. And I need to get from here.

[Allison Rosen]

To here now because I've read the script and was in it. I'm trying to figure out what was the bridge that you needed, but you probably can't say without revealing. So I'll just ask you off mic.

[Adam Carolla]

I needed to get from. I won't give too much away, but just the decision I made at the end, I needed to pay that off. And I came up with the idea. I said, okay, now, now I know what I'm going To do. And part of the pickup, as part of the pickup days, you have to shoot some exteriors and some establishing stuff and all that. So I said to our, I said to our editor, who I trust, God, it's nice to trust people. It's a business where there's so many fucking idiots and so many jack off producers and so many people are like blowhards and you go, oh fuck. And they go, I think. And you go, oh shit. And you start tuning out the second they start talking. But this guy, I trust his instincts and nobody's closer to the movie than the editor. He's living with it all the time. And this kid, I Say kid, he's 36, has good instincts. And so I said to him, and I've been in this business for 20 years, I've never heard this answer. I said to him, look, we're going to be doing pickups, we're doing some reshoots. David Alan Grier's coming in here. We, we're doing it in the warehouse. We're setting it up with the green screen and the curtain and all that kind of stuff. We're doing it tonight. Dag's got to go play Brea, God bless him, and then he's going to come back tonight. We're shooting it at night anyway, so we need it for the lighting. But if you want to come, you know, check it out. You're the editor, you'll be the one. I wouldn't mind your eyes on it because you know what you want for this to bridge this scene.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, Dag's playing Brea tonight then going to do the scenes. When's he going to learn his lines to study the script.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's comical because he didn't know any of his lines before, but no lines, just a scene with him in it and no lines. So I said to our editor, I'm assuming, you know, like everyone else in this town and especially someone who's working as an editor, you want to get in directing, writing, you have some ideas. So you may want to come around tonight and you know, see how the fudge is packed. And he said, nope. I said, well, you're a good editor, so you want to, you have some ideas for a short. Everyone wants to get into directing, producing. I like editing, he said. I said, you do. I know you're good at it. And he said, yeah. And I said, but you're interested in film and so you're going to want to direct one day or something.

[Allison Rosen]

No one ever does what they want to Be doing.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I don't want to be talking about what he wants to do right now.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't want to be here either.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I. Mentally, I'm somewhere else.

[Adam Carolla]

People listening, they're tuned out. Let's pack it in. So I said, you don't. You live. You came to Hollywood to be an editor, and you're an editor, and that's what you want to continue doing. And he said, absolutely. And I was like, now I love this guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And good editor's kind of like a director anyway, you know, you kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Dictate the pace of the film. And only the director's there, of course, but good editor.

[Adam Carolla]

And they have so much more control than they're ever sort of given credit for. And then our love affair got even deeper when we were looking at some exteriors of building shots that we got. And I said, I don't know if that would be Howie Mandel's office. I don't know if. How he'd be in a high rise. I don't know. And then I went, no, no, wait a minute. Telepictures was in a high rise. And I went there. So I guess, yeah, I guess Howie's. If telepictures could be. And they're the biggest syndicator ever. I said, if telepictures could be in a high rise, and I guess Howie's studio. Well, not studio, but Howie's offices could be in a high rise. And then I paused and I said, what do you think of telepictures? And he went, I fucking hate him. And I went, I fucking hate him, too. And he went, yeah, I did a gig for them, one of my earlier gigs for them doing editing promos. And they're fucking horrible. And I said, yes, they're horrible. And then I thought, how is it that every human being that has any contact with telepictures, from the editors to the talent, goes, these guys are fucking horrible douchebags Just across the board. I had a meeting with them, walk to the parking lot with my agent, and he looked at me and he said, that was weird, wasn't it? And I said, yeah, what's wrong with them? It's weird that everyone has saying, what's wrong with you? Yes, emotionally, what is wrong with you? Every human being in this business that I've encountered that has had any contact with telepictures or any people at telepictures has decided that the biggest fucking jack off douchebag asshole weirdos in the world.

[Allison Rosen]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's unilateral. How do you do that? And then how do you become so big when.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's what I'm wondering.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your reputation.

[Allison Rosen]

And it's not like the reputation is. But they pay really well.

[Adam Carolla]

Nope. It's everyone who's worked for them hates them. Everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a good one to calibrate your radar, though. Like, you meet somebody, you're not sure what their judgment's like. Hey, what do you think of telepictures? His answer? We'll calibrate the radar for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Well, now, as if I wasn't in love with him enough for just wanting to edit now, we both had a long talk about what colossal douchebags telepictures were. All right, a few things. Something Brian you'll enjoy. I was talking about it with Bruce. Bruce. Dr. Drew. He'll play a drop irregular troll.

[Brian Bishop]

I like the Bruce on drops better.

[Adam Carolla]

He's awesome. They're playing. I was doing a little favorite tweet. Should we do. Let me give a little love to Lifelock, and then we'll do a little favorite tweets. Because you guys tweet me a lot of stuff, and I appreciate it, and I try to get back with a lot of you. Some of you. I don't. But I try to read as many of your tweets as possible, and a lot of stuff is stuff that is good content for the show. So I appreciate that. Life. Say it again. Heroin. The Murasol Lifelock Ultimate. I got it. You should get it. It's identity theft. It's big. It's everywhere. Alison.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes? Listen to this. The Colorado Springs Police. The Colorado Springs police. Excuse me. Arrested a man on suspicion of stealing the financial information of a woman that he met on a dating website. It's like your dating nightmare. Police said he was invited to the woman's home where he allegedly broke or allegedly stole her bank account and personal information. And the police department believes multiple women may have been victimized by the man and had their identity stolen. So if you dated anyone in the Colorado Springs, beware.

[Adam Carolla]

And I have. Sooner or later, by the way, they're coming after you. They'll get your computer, they'll get your website, they'll hack into your crap, they'll get your numbers, they'll get your passwords in your life. And by the way, when you get screwed. This is what I've learned from living in this society. It takes a long time to unscrew you. You may technically, on paper, unscrew yourself. But that trail of being screwed will follow you around for God damn fore. Yes, the symbolic cost LifeLock Ultimate. You need it. You need it today, Dawson. You don't need to change your life. You just need to help protect yourself with LifeLock Ultimate. Visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock ultimate membership. That's promo code [e-mail] to get our special 10% discount. Network does not cover all transactions. All right, do we have some favorite tweets? You tweet him crap about passion fruit iced tea via Gosa and pizza with goat cheese. The stupid signs on Los Angeles streets. These are a few of his favorited tweets. First, Monuments Men.

[Brian Bishop]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it flopped pretty. Yeah, pretty badly. Chock a block filled with superstars, award season and everything.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, it came out, you know, late in the year. They're hoping for good things.

[Adam Carolla]

And I love myself. Really? Did it come out late in the year? I thought it just came out like four, four months ago or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. I feel like, you know what? Maybe I feel like it was supposed to and then maybe they pushed it. But maybe that's a sign of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Never. Never a good sign. And this thing was just a list. Heaven. And I love World War II movies and it did not do well. Came out in February 2014. All right, here's.

[Brian Bishop]

You saw it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, what I'm going to show you is what someone tweeted me, which is now don't show it yet. And I'll tell you this, it's interesting to me. It's like I made the Hammer. The Hammer was a nice romantic comedy and it got an R rating. And you can't just give something an R rating. You have to say an R rating, 4. And then you have to describe why. In the case of the Hammer, it was violence, except for it was amateur boxing. So it was just Olympic style boxing. Headgear, mouthpiece, 16 ounce gloves or 14 ounce gloves. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Still menstruate so violent with their fists.

[Adam Carolla]

But there are no warnings when they show it in the Olympics on ABC on Saturday. Noon. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Far more scary too. Just apples. Apples.

[Adam Carolla]

The notion that you've come up with, I mean, you have to justify your R rating. So you have to say something. You can't just go bl. So you have to go violence. But there's no violence in a box. I mean, any episode of Gunsmoke has more violence in it. That would air in syndication and perpetuity in the middle of the day, all day on a network. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, if it was a football game, would they have to say that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, they don't do it. No, they gave it an R because there were two F bombs and they needed us to cut back to one. And it's like fuck you. Pardon the pun. And it was in context of the movie and it was just, you know, it was the guy punch yelling motherfucker at me. And you know, it's so funny, people don't even really remember it because they didn't really stand out that much and they gave it a bogus R rating and now they have to justify it.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a black guy saying it too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So it's a cultural thing. So this is Monuments Men and this is their PG13. And if you want to be welcome to the New World Order. Brian, Allison, would you like to look at the PG13 for some images of.

[Brian Bishop]

War, violence and historical smoking? That's the PG13 rating.

[Adam Carolla]

Historical smoking?

[Brian Bishop]

Historical smoking. I guess so.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Really? That's helping you? Like it could have been PG, but they had people smoking Chesterfields in World War II.

[Brian Bishop]

That's oddly specific.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird that our society, a 12 year.

[Allison Rosen]

Old couldn't handle it.

[Adam Carolla]

But what a 12 year old can do is watch as much film fisting based porn as they would like on the Internet by the time they're nine. Right. Like we're going into two separate. We're going into this weird puritanical, kind of back to the pilgrim days thing with certain things and then the rest is turn on the news and there's missiles being lobbed over into Tel Aviv and bodies being dismembered and the most bizarre porn in the world all over the place. And primetime special is gonna be the, you know, the rock and roll lingerie Victoria's Secret party where chicks, tits are everywhere and ass everywhere. Like we're tits and ass and then we're not and then we're what are we? Plus where are we going?

[Allison Rosen]

Totally hypocritical. And the thing that gets. That's so weird to me is just the conflation and this is kinda what you're saying of all these things. Like sex and violence are totally different. And in this example, war, violence and smoking are totally different. Are they just trying to appeal to like, I don't know what your particular thing that you don't want your kid to see is, but we got you covered.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they're trying to say there's smoking going on, but we have to have them smoking like we'd have to have Winston Churchill holding a cigar.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't want him. And we wish we could not. You know, we wish we could build a time machine and get the cigar out of Winston Churchill's hand, but we can't. So he's gonna smoke. So please accept our apologies in adv. I just feel like people smoked when they're on the beach getting shot at by the Nazis.

[Brian Bishop]

And other PG13 movies are stretching it in such. Like, just think about, I don't know if Godzilla, Superman, the Avengers, they destroyed cities.

[Adam Carolla]

Millions of people died in the bridge they went.

[Brian Bishop]

They. Millions of people died in those movies. PG 13. I wonder if they get into specifics like, oh, there are millions. There are literally millions of deaths.

[Adam Carolla]

Historical smoking is now again. Does anyone give a shit? Does anyone think this is helping? Or is it now? By the way, do you see this and make render decision with your children? Well, if it was smoking smoking, modern day smoking or futuristic smoking, then no can do. But historical smoking, that's a better kind of smoking.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's weird. Is that like excusing, like it's historically relevant? Like these, these soldiers obviously smoked. It's history. All I know, why are they called historical smoking? What is that?

[Adam Carolla]

All I know is, is at some point this town went out of its mind with cigarettes. And we just decided that the biggest, like if you were an alien and you landed in this town in this time and somebody, you know, you had a day to walk around and then go back up to your planet, you go, what is the biggest problem that currently faces humanity on planet Earth? They go smoking, smoking more smoking, secondhand smoking and third hand smoke. It's just smoking.

[Brian Bishop]

Billboard's everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are the only problems. You know why? Because almost every other problem has some unwanted baggage attached to it. And if you think about it, we're becoming insane cowards. We take stands against things that nobody could defend, essentially. You know what I mean? It's the bumper sticker that says end war. Who's gonna have a serious beef with that? And you take what's going on in the Middle east right now. If you wanna start chiming in about the Middle east and Israel and Gaza Strip and land and settlements and walls and stuff, you're gonna have to get into something you're gonna have to defend.

[Allison Rosen]

It's really polarizing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who the hell wants to make a statement that's gonna piss off half the country or even 20% of the country? Who's gonna wanna make any statement that's Gonna upset any group or any person on this side of the aisle or that side of the aisle, or the other side of the aisle. The Whole Foods in Santa Monica. Why not? Why not just declare smoking as bad and thus we'll take all our energy and just pour it into this and no one will ever fucking tap us on the shoulder and say, you're wrong or I disagree or. Or you've lost a friend because of your stance on non smoking and all that. But it's a cowardly way to approach life. I can tell you.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a really safe thing to decide to get behind.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And I would. I always argue that there's only so many hours in the day and in your life. And if you are attempting to do a campaign, then there are many more worthy campaigns than this. Especially since everyone is caught up on the smoking is bad for you part. It's been a nonstop bell. They've been ringing for 25 years. Stop it and start focusing on other problems that we may not be aware of that may be fixable.

[Allison Rosen]

I saw a light up freeway sign the other day that I thought would anger you. I did not take a picture or anything. I'm just going to tell you about it. It said that whatever department police is recruiting, recruiting. And then it had a phone number. And I was thinking, how do they expect. No, no, I go to different therapists now. How do they expect you to jot this down?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know. And the part where they say, you know, texting and driving, dialing and driving, distracted driving is just as dangerous.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, this is a giant text.

[Adam Carolla]

How about I'm looking up over the horizon and reading something that has nothing to do with the brake lights of the cars in front of five feet above them. I've seen those, Bill. I've seen the light up billboards that say watch the road. Well, it's impossible to do both at the same time.

[Allison Rosen]

Some people do read faster.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

How dare you, Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Another. And it's true, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

It's hard for him to get his finger out of the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Have to drag it along the windshield. The inside strikes that super scrapey smeary sound. Yeah. All right, so there's Monuments Men, another favorite tweet. And I'm going to. This is the Huffington Post. I think it was a CNN thing, but there's a school to prison pipeline. I guess you guys are aware of this.

[Brian Bishop]

I've heard about this.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a preschool to prison pipeline.

[Brian Bishop]

Holy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not sure if you're aware about this. Now here's the problem, here's how it works as far as out of school suspensions go. 20% African American, 9% Hispanic, 6% white, and are you sitting down 3% Asian.

[Brian Bishop]

These are of the little kids are.

[Adam Carolla]

The population of schools for all grades. But the story was the preschool to prison pipeline. Now, all right, so there's the breakdown, all right, Disproportionate African American. I always want to point out people when they talk about white privilege, we're always getting our ass kicked by the Asians. We're never at the top of the leaderboard. We're just in the top three.

[Brian Bishop]

We're looking up just like the rest.

[Adam Carolla]

Of you, we're looking up some Asian coups, believe you me. All right, now, what I always say, and this isn't the only answer, but it's the answer that it's going to take care of 80% of the problem. Can you guys guess what the order of single parent households are by race? Single parent households, probably meaning no dad around and no dad around for discipline, which is a very important thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know, but I'm ready to be shocked.

[Adam Carolla]

You're ready to be shocked? 55% black, 31% Hispanic, 21% white and 13% Asian. Shockingly, the exact order numerically, at least from the top to the bottom, as who's getting suspended the most in schools. So you try to say, well, now what can we do about this problem? How can we affect this? This is F up young black kids. They're getting suspended early and often and it's sending them down a road that some of them don't get back from. And we would like to see what we can do to repair that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, Brian, is the argument that a disproportionate number of one race, whatever it is, or more of certain races are being picked on, like what is the argument?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we have the superintendent of the second largest school board in Los Angeles, which is Los Angeles, I should say, and he's going to explain why this phenomenon happens. Do you have that, Gary? Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Clip right here. All right. This is not him. Turn it up a little.

[Matt Walsh]

For far too many children in communities.

[Brian Bishop]

The school to prison pipeline is real.

[Adam Carolla]

And the fact that it starts as young as four again simply isn't good enough. In Los Angeles, America's second largest school district, here's the answer. Superintendent John Dacey finds the trend disturbing. Why are these numbers playing out this way, ma'?

[Allison Rosen]

Am?

[Brian Bishop]

I think they're the same biases that are in society.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't think this.

[Brian Bishop]

I think this is a reflection of.

[Adam Carolla]

The growth we have yet to do.

[Brian Bishop]

In this country around these issues. That didn't make any sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course it did. Well, no, no, but he's not going to weigh in on the problem.

[Brian Bishop]

The growth we have to make around these issues.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a reflection of our society. Meaning society is racist. The LA Unified School District is just staying in step with our racist society.

[Brian Bishop]

That poor bastard, he never thought he'd be on camera. He's like, just please get out of my office.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you guys understand what I'm looking up school to prison pipeline? Like, I'm trying to understand what exactly it is. It's kids. My understanding from what I'm reading now is it's kids being funneled out of the school system and into the criminal justice system.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on is this. Kids who are getting disciplined early and often are like being sent home. They're getting kind of pulled out of class and they're essentially being running afoul.

[Brian Bishop]

Of the law early in life.

[Adam Carolla]

They're running afoul of the system early, not the law school. Sorry, yes. It's just people couldn't see that on the podcast.

[Brian Bishop]

Principal or a teacher, whatever authority.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's like this, it's like saying, look, there's a bunch of rules. School's a bunch of rules. And certain groups are getting into trouble at a higher rate than other groups. And then those groups are being disciplined. And when those groups get disciplined, they get sort of marginalized, sent home, pushed out, and then they sort of just get indoctrinated into the system. Meaning, well, the Asian kid is in class and the black kid's at home, and then the black kid doesn't come back from home and now he's at home and now he's not graduating and the next thing you know, he's in a gang.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, like if you get expelled from school, then what's going to happen is you're going to end up on the streets and then in trouble with the law.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So the question to a 25 year.

[Brian Bishop]

Old is what suspension is to a 5 year old.

[Adam Carolla]

The question is then why is it that the. And I'll leave whitey out of the mix. Why are black students being expelled or suspended at a much higher rate than Asian students? According to John Deis or the superintendent of the second biggest school board in the country, that's because society's racist.

[Brian Bishop]

Although it's not a great argument explanation.

[Allison Rosen]

They're Also talking about cops, specifically in schools. And I'm wondering if anyone's going to make the argument that cops are in poor schools more than they are in wealthy schools.

[Adam Carolla]

It's definitely a negative cycle and it definitely happens. But I'm saying the folks who we pay a lot of money to be in charge of the kids who are supposed to rectify this problem, we would like to honestly address the problem so that we could then fix the problem so then more young black kids did not end up shot dead or in prisons. I would like to interrupt that school to prison pipeline. Unfortunately, the only way to really interrupt it is to have guys like John Deus or whatever his name is, to not be cowards and actually talk about many of the hard truths that are involved with rectifying this problem, which you just got from him on cnn. We'll hear one more time and we'll see if we can decipher what the problem. How do we fix this? So he was posed a problem, by the way, this guy. This is not us going to a lumber mill in Oregon and talking to some bearded guy who's drinking a Schlitz. These are guys who are supposed to study things and then solve problems. It's academia. That's who this guy is. All right, Gary, let's see if we can find this guy again. Here's the problem. In Los Angeles, America's second largest school district, Superintendent John Dacey, finds the trend disturbing. Why are these numbers playing out this way, ma'?

[Allison Rosen]

Am?

[Brian Bishop]

I think they're the same biases that are in society.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't think this.

[Brian Bishop]

I think this is a reflection of the growth we have yet to do.

[Adam Carolla]

In this country around these issues.

[Brian Bishop]

Sage, he's verbally treading water, praying she'll leave.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So all the teachers that he hires who may be, by the way, at this point, L.A. unified may be half Hispanic or half black or half whatever. It's not like a whole bunch of just Klansmen goose stepping around the place. But they are just racist, and that's why they're doing it. And by the way, if that in fact is true, then you gotta start firing people or straighten this out, number one. Number two, there's no impactful measure to apply to this problem. Then all we have to do is straighten out Society in 2014 with a black president.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Kind of passing the buck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not us. It's just society's racist and our teachers are a reflection of the racist society that we've formed. Anyway, next topic.

[Allison Rosen]

Historical smoking Right.

[Adam Carolla]

We all had a meeting that said. We said, okay, black folks, you guys are gonna get suspended. Asians, don't worry about it. You act out as much as you like, you get a free pass, and that's just the way it's gonna go down. I think we're hitting a home run this. So then I say the same thing I would say to Gavin Newsom. Problem will be solved. When? Then there's. Can I mark something on the calendar? What. What exactly are we gonna do to solve this problem if this guy is the guy who's in charge of solving the problem?

[Brian Bishop]

It's disheartening, isn't it? Like, this is the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. They're all. That's all.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not surprising. It's just.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the point. He doesn't want to go home and read a whole bunch of shitty tweets. So he just says something that means nothing, and that's gonna not solve the problem. But also, he doesn't have to go home and read a bunch of shitty tweets. That's. That's. That's the number one job of everyone. When you get a microphone put in your face. And by the way, that's some hard hitting reporting. This guy's in charge of the LA Unified School District, huh? We'll go to him and get some answers. What's his answers? All right. Are you done? Person of color, please leave my office. I want to go back to playing Angry Birds, please.

[Brian Bishop]

That's really what it sounded like.

[Adam Carolla]

And did he help one young black child?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think so, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Just as long as he didn't help anybody, everything's good.

[Allison Rosen]

But he also didn't help a young Asian child.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Equal opportunity.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. Oh, Matt Walsh is here. And so our stamps dot com. Oh, man, I love getting stuff done quick. Your mailing, your shipping, you can do it all without leaving your desk. At stamps.com you can buy and print official US postage with your own computer. Then just hand it off to the mailman, turn your PC or Mac into your post office, and it never closes, baby. You're always open for business. Special offer. Enter the promo code. Adam. They got a no risk trial offer. $110 bonus. Offer includes a digital scale and 55 bucks free postage. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone, top of the home page. Type in Adam, get the scale, get the 55 bucks free postage, stamps.com. enter Adam. All right. Matt Walsh. Is here. Quick couple questions and then we'll bring Matt in. Nick, 23, San Diego.

[John Popper]

Hey there.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Nick. What's going on?

[John Popper]

Not much. How you guys doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Good. What's happening?

[John Popper]

So I've had this friend, probably been friends since like seventh grade and you know, he started smoking weed probably around then and he's been smoking like habitually ever since. And it's really slowly started to, you know, tip his life like on the downhill and basically he's starting to drag everyone down with him and you know, he's getting really depressed and you know, at this point I don't really want to be dragged down with him.

[Adam Carolla]

But he's.

[John Popper]

I've been friends with him for so.

[Adam Carolla]

Long, it's kind of hard. You got to get him on the booze. Yeah. I don't know that there's. I don't want to speak for all the guys, but for me as a 23 year old dude. And I'm guessing he's about your age. 23, Nick.

[John Popper]

Oh, yeah, he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's a tough time to be a dude. It's hard.

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me about it, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

It just is. Women, I feel, usually can. Well, they're usually. It's a good time for a woman, aesthetically, I feel, because I feel like high school is awkward for women because they haven't figured out what to do with their hair and their makeup and their whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

At some point you get a little long in the tooth and the guy. Phone stops ringing. But 23 is a nice. Figured out my hair, figured out my eyeliner and I got it together.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you have more time to do your hair when you're 23. It's very hard to straighten with high school hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And guys at 23 are just fucking lost. Like we got no game, we got nothing going on. We've not established ourselves in our career, whether if you went to college, you're a year out of college, you're working some mailroom somewhere driving a piece of shit. I mean, just take cars, for example. My entire like young dating life, I never cared what car a woman drove. It just didn't make a. It wasn't a big deal. Hey, if she was in a convertible Rabbit, that was kind of cool. But she was a piece of shit. Honda. It didn't make a difference. I drove around a Japanese quintessential cool 80s car. Yes. Convertible Rabbit cab. I drove a piece of shit pickup truck. A piece of shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Nissan pickup truck.

[Brian Bishop]

My first girlfriend had a cab. One of the retractable roof and had a pickup truck. You're describing my horrible twenties with the.

[Adam Carolla]

Cranks busted off and you have to use the vice grips to roll the windows up and down. And I know it hur like a lot. Like I'd come pulling up in the pickup truck. The chicks are like, oh boy. And if they came pulling up, you mean oh boy in or on, whatever. It wouldn't hurt my the standing with me. So it's Easy to be 23 as a dude and depressed. The weed's probably not helping and let's hope he comes out of it. But Nick, you don't have to be there to prop him up if he's fucking bringing you down. I just want to say this. At a certain point in my life, I started, and I've given you guys this speech before. Hanging around with successful people, and not only people that were successful, but people that were on their way to be successful. Just people that had a motor. I mean, you take a look at everyone out here, right? They're all losers. Fine. But you take a guy like Chris Max Apata, that kid's going somewhere, he's got a motor, he's doing something. Home to eat, his mom's house in Arleta, to mince around in her nursing outfit in front of a full length mirror. The point is he's going somewhere and put his finger in his dimpled cheek and go, who me? That's what he's doing. But the point is he's doing it. He's doing it early and often and you want to be a part of that.

[Brian Bishop]

He knows what he wants to do.

[Adam Carolla]

No, find the people. Look, I found Jimmy Kimmel. He wasn't really doing anything and I certainly wasn't doing anything. But we both sort of went. Now here's two guys that are trying to do something. Let's. Let's hook up and join forces.

[Brian Bishop]

That's interesting. Double edged sword, I think between when you were in your 20s and nowadays, people like, like Nick, who are in their 20s, like before you had to work your way up in almost any industry you were in. And now because of apps and dot coms and hot entertainment and everything, I think there's. It's quicker to not make it, but to get a foothold and establish yourself. And if you have that one friend who's kind of making it like, you know, hang out with them and get some of that energy going.

[Adam Carolla]

I concur. All right. John 32, Westlake Village. John, what's going on?

[John Popper]

Ace man?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Man.

[Allison Rosen]

Dude.

[John Popper]

Fucking living the dream, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Network semi woody, dude. Nice. Dude.

[Allison Rosen]

What's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Okay.

[John Popper]

No, just fucking. Dude, this study made me think about you. You know these stupid fucking studies, you know that they do a study where they have this specific dollar amount, you know, someone makes a year and you know, after which no more money has any measurable effect on them. So you know, they basically, this study says that the magic income is $75,000 a year. So if you make $1 over $75,000.

[Adam Carolla]

A year, you're not any more happy.

[John Popper]

Now, I have no fucking idea where they come up with this stuff, but I just want to get your take on this magical money plateau of 75 grand a year.

[Allison Rosen]

So cynical.

[Adam Carolla]

The exciting part of life is the montage part of life where you're coming onto something that they would have and going back to those 80s movies, but like your montage scene in your life where things are happening and you're meeting people and it's like you're on the way up. At a certain point you try to maintain what you have. That's right, someone's wearing a funky hat.

[Brian Bishop]

You'Re trying on clothes and someone's saying, you know, shaking their head no. Right, Trying a different outfit and their thumbs up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Now you're jet skiing, right?

[Adam Carolla]

At a certain point you come out in one outfit, you feel pretty good about yourself. And then like the frumpy old stuck up broad comes into the store wearing the same outfit and you go, oh, you shake your head back in, deflated. Gotta head back in. Yeah. And at some point you're fixing someplace up and you're painting and you're dragging the paintbrush along the wall. No one paints this way, by the way, where you drag it across the wall into the middle of the doorway and the person, yes, the person turns their head into the door to tell you the sandwiches are here and you go right across your face, right across them. Are you having a spasm? Like, why would you be painting across the door in horizontal strips? Yes, but the montage part of life is, you know, back to Jimmy Kimmel. I met Jimmy and it was like, oh, I got an idea and I got an idea. And Duke Burcham, this guy heard about BURCHAM and oh, Dr. Drew and a love line. And it was like, oh, ha ha. And then it becomes a certain point where you sort of start thinking about maintaining things and, you know, hanging on to what you have. Maintaining what you have. I would agree. Money is something that you need to function. So if you make under a certain amount of it, that's like saying, wow, there may be a sniff coming here.

[Brian Bishop]

Pre sniff.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll pre sniff. You need 40 ounces of water a day. If you make. Let's just say that's what your body needs. 40 ounces of water. If you're not getting 40 ounces of water, if you're just making, so to speak, under 40 ounces of water, 12 ounces of water, 7 ounces or 22, that's not happy. That's not a happy life. You need this much water, you need 40 ounces. So when you're well beneath it, it's a tough life. You need it. You need money like you need water. It's just life. You need to buy the things. Forget about extravagant things, just the things.

[Allison Rosen]

Survival stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Survival stuff. Food and shelter and insurance. And you need dental work. You know, who's going to pay for that? You need prescription for your glasses or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Chemotherapy.

[Adam Carolla]

Chemotherapy, yes, yes. All the ups and extras. Just swizzle sticks of life.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So 40 ounces is what you need. If you're making under, it's uncomfortable because this is what your body needs. You go too far over, you may drown.

[Brian Bishop]

From the inside.

[Allison Rosen]

I felt so uncomfortable until you sniffed. It was weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now it made it okay. Now once you're making much more than you sort of need, you don't really feel it. You do feel it when you're well under, you're fucking thirsty of cottonmouth all the time. Like you just need this amount. So 75k. They may have decided that's what you need. Not to survive, but to go out and see a movie when you want to see a movie and go out and have sushi. If you feel like sushi on a Wednesday night, you're gonna go out and have sushi on a Wednesday night. That's where the 75k is.

[Allison Rosen]

I would wonder what city that is, though, because doesn't that seem a little low to you guys?

[Adam Carolla]

It's low if you're living in Seattle. If you're living in Oklahom. Maybe it's a little high, but I guess it's the medium. But what I'm saying is it really stings when you're, like I said, parking ticket devastating when it is a day's pay. But once you make over a certain amount, you don't feel it. It's like you really feel the sting, but you don't feel the pleasure. Oh, it's nice to travel. It's nice to do nice things, it's nice to indulge, but it just becomes your life. You don't feel it like you feel the sting of not being able to make ends meet. All right, one more quickie and then we'll get on with Matt Walsh. Ray 52, Glendale Ace, how's it going, man? What's going on, man? Oh, man. I got my house and I tore.

[John Popper]

Up my wall to wall carpet and I got some hardwood floor. Looks pretty good, but there's some spots that are.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not doing that now.

[Adam Carolla]

It happened. It happened to us before, earlier today. Let me look around. It did this. Remember that, Gary? All right. It's got a hardwood floor and it's fucked up. It's got a bunch of pet spots on it. Don't worry about him. I am telling you right now, I paint many a hardwood floor and they come out great. I believe. Brian. Allison, you've probably seen my painted floors. I painted my kitchen floor. Every house I've been in. I painted the long hallway floor into the hallway, down into the den of the old house where you'd walk that green hallway there.

[Brian Bishop]

Stupid question. Do you paint it a wood color or do you just paint it like a paint color?

[Adam Carolla]

Green. In that case, here's what I had. I had a long wooden hardwood floor. It had tons of pet stains on it. And the pet stains, especially on 80 year old wood, hard to get out. I went into the bathroom and it had this cool art deco green. One of my favorite colors is that deco 20s green. It's got a little jadey, kind of turquoisey in it, but it's more green. And I took that color and I matched it up and I painted the hull that color. And then I put this eggplant color sort of a border all the way around it. And then I took a neutral color, like a sort of, I don't know, burnt umber or something, and I had a pinstriper. Otherwise it was too sharp between the outer, the border and the base. And I just painted it that color and then I put the clear over it and eventually you could see the wood grain coming through and the little imperfections and things like that, but it still looked really cool. And you paint a hardwood floor just like you can paint any wood and then you go over it with clear just like you'd go over a stained wood floor. And it's just as durable and it looks cool and you never have to worry about sanding all those horrible stains that you'll never get out.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, I'm gonna paint my carpet.

[Adam Carolla]

Paint your carpet. Question, doing a montage.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you do like a little spot first to make sure you liked the color or did you just. Because I could. The kind of thing I would do is I would be like, I would see it in the can and I'd be like, that's going to look great on my floors. And then I would do it and then I would realize, oh, I don't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

I trust myself completely with that stuff. I looked at the bathroom floor, I said, I like that color. I brought a little sample in. I got the paint mixed up, I got it that color. And I said, that's it. I'm going for it. And speaking of going for it, Satisfaction, USA Network this Thursday, by the way, summer's most provocative, sexy new drama, Satisfaction. I just went, watched like the extendo trailer for this thing. Really interesting looking show. This couple seem to be doing pretty well for themselves and they make some pretty shocking choices in their marriage. Really. Again, like, it was. Last thing I saw was a Brady Bunch last night. So it was quite a bit. It was a talent show at school. Sam the butcher went. USA Network, Satisfaction, really, really interesting new program called Satisfaction, and it's an original series, premieres this Thursday, 10 o', clock, 9 Central, only on USA Network. All right, Matt Walsh is out there. Take a quick break. We'll bring Matt in next. Matt Walsh in studio. Veep is probably where you know most recently from.

[Matt Walsh]

Lots of thank you for the applause.

[Adam Carolla]

Lots of nominations for Veep Movie. By the way, into the storm is August 8th. Where do we find into the Storm, by the way, on August 8th?

[Matt Walsh]

At your local movie theaters across America.

[Adam Carolla]

Wide release, maybe even Europe.

[Matt Walsh]

I don't know how they're doing it, but I know North America. You'll find it.

[Adam Carolla]

And Matt plays a storm chaser. Who else in the film?

[Matt Walsh]

Sarah, Wayne, Callie's. If you watch the Walking Dead.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I'm the only person.

[Matt Walsh]

I don't watch it either. Richard Armitage, who was King of the Dwarves and the first two hobbits that were just made.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, now we're a huge prosthetic. Now we're talking.

[Matt Walsh]

And then a bunch of young kids who have like 2 million Twitter followers from Nickelodeon. Nathan Kress, nice kid. Max Deakin, Jeremy Sumpter, who played Peter Pan in one of those movies.

[Adam Carolla]

My feeling with the undead is, you know, we're all undead. My dad's undead. He's pretty boring. You know what I mean? Like things like, hey, these are the undead who walk amongst Us. You're right.

[Allison Rosen]

Technically, we are all undead. Although some of us seem dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Every douchebag who cuts you off in traffic is amongst the undead who drive amongst us.

[Matt Walsh]

So you don't need to. You don't need that for entertainment. You get enough of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Not.

[Adam Carolla]

Not into the zombies and the werewolves and the vampires and. I'm not interested in the. Oh, no. The new sexy. Not, you know, the sexy dragons. Yeah, right.

[Matt Walsh]

True Bloods is a sexy show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

That's got werewolves and vampires or just.

[Allison Rosen]

And fairies.

[Matt Walsh]

I don't watch all of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, right.

[Allison Rosen]

But there are any fairies or F A E R Y s fairies. They're F A E R Y s.

[Adam Carolla]

Ride boats that you can put your car on.

[Matt Walsh]

No, that's a F. How do you spell that one?

[Brian Bishop]

FA different kind of fairy, dude.

[Matt Walsh]

Different kind of fairy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, gotcha. But what's this kind of fairy?

[Allison Rosen]

It's just the. It's the super fantasy spelling of fairy.

[Brian Bishop]

They can see the other dimensions with their wings and like if you go.

[Allison Rosen]

To Ren faire, the regular.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Regular size and it smurfs.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt. So what do you earn? You're not into any of the nonsense then?

[Matt Walsh]

I like a good comedy horror like your American Werewolf or Shaun of the Dead. Yeah, if there's comedy in it, I'll watch it. But I don't get into the. Oh, I liked. What was it, 24 hours or 28 days?

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, 28 days.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

Thinking of Kiefer Sarlon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

Yes, I like 28 days. That was good.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you see Cabin in the Woods?

[Matt Walsh]

I did not.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a funny horror movie. It's very good.

[Matt Walsh]

I need to.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I want to see Cabin in the Woods.

[Brian Bishop]

It's great. I loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a list of movies I can never remember because they never show up on cable. And Cabin in the woods is one of them.

[Brian Bishop]

Smart movie, funny movie.

[Matt Walsh]

I've heard that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

It uses a lot of genres. They kind of dip into a few.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a full on horror movie at some parts and that's a complete, you know, comedy. Other parts, very Richard Jenkins. And it's really funny.

[Matt Walsh]

I love Richard Jenkins.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we need the in the woods part? Could they just call it the Cabin?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they're making fun of the horror movies in a lot of ways. So the Cabin in the woods is sort of a tongue in cheek kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so we should see that. We should all say into the Storm, which again hits theaters on August 8th. Anything hairy during the filming? Because they have to throw Some stuff around.

[Matt Walsh]

Like the craziest thing, like stunt wise, I got to do is they have to replicate I drive this tank, the storm chaser tank that has these pylons that go out and supposedly drill into the ground. But it was a Dodge standard chassis, some heavy set pickup truck. And then they hung all this heavy plated armor on it, so it was really heavy. And then for this one scene, I'm blocking. I'm trying to save people and I'm blocking like a sewer grate because it's become a wind tunnel. So I'm blocking it to save people. And they hitch the back of it to a crane. And I'm in this thing and it's a metal box. There's jagged edges inside it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Matt Walsh]

And they're hoisting the back and swinging the back wheels off the ground like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Matt Walsh]

And I have to unhitch from the front seat, climb in the back and get in the turret and then re hitch. And that was very frightening because I banged my head on some jagged metal and it wasn't prepped. And that was the only bad news.

[Adam Carolla]

They're going to. And they'll use a computer and they'll get the crane out of the picture.

[Matt Walsh]

They'll get the picture and they'll paint in a storm that's lifting me. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

But that was about the hairiest stunt I had to. And a lot of going out into a field like a bunch of migrant workers and then just rain towers just getting about 30 people wet.

[Adam Carolla]

On Veep, Julie Louis Dreyfus. She's good. And she.

[Matt Walsh]

She is good.

[Adam Carolla]

She was just watching her and she is good. No, but, you know, I don't. Enough said. Yeah. I don't think I knew how good she was 10 years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

The show, particularly Veep, allows everyone to have their moment. There's. Everyone's good on that show.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. She's exceptionally good on the show, Veep. But she's always been good.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I just don't. I don't think I appreciated her. Maybe because she was cute or something.

[Allison Rosen]

She's very specific with what she wants as well. Right. Because I was reading an article with the. There was some. Some joke that she was gonna have you do live and it had. Involving a sandwich. And she was very specific about what kind of sandwich.

[Matt Walsh]

Peanut butter and jelly and white bread. Yeah, she's very. She likes the detail. She's very pro about the joke and she really. She works hard at it. She's really good. Yeah, she's really good.

[Adam Carolla]

And you I'm sorry, we're talking. We were talking about Groundlings, or were we talking about Second City when we spoke last? And you're coming up.

[Matt Walsh]

I did Second City for a year. I toured. I never did Groundlings. And I did a place called Improv Olympic in the annoyance. I came out of Chicago. I came out of Chicago.

[Adam Carolla]

Was Improv Olympics in LA first and then Chicago.

[Matt Walsh]

No, Chicago.

[Adam Carolla]

Start in Chicago. Came to la, Start in Chicago. Came out of LA because they had it out. I mean, I remember from back in the day out here at least got in the 80s. Yeah, they were out here, probably.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Off of Cahuenga or off of. What is that one? Right. Right around. There's an old theater on, like, Hollywood Boulevard. And right before you got to Hollywood on. I think it was not Cahuenga, not Vine, but not vine, you know, where it splits off and goes sort of not in front of the Hollywood bowl, but. Yeah, International show. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck is there anymore. But anyway. Was it Ivar? Oh, there it was. Yeah. I went there. I remember going there and performing because I was like, our troupe was going to take on their troupe.

[Matt Walsh]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

It was a gayer version of the Sharks and the jets, if you could imagine. Gayer, gayer.

[Matt Walsh]

And what was the format? Were you just doing improv or what?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember, but I remember. Yeah, it was just. It was just improv, but. But the Olympic or Olympians or the. They were short won, and I went to go play for the opposing team, essentially, and then we won. But I couldn't celebrate our victory too much because it was really a long ride home with the losers on my team.

[Allison Rosen]

I wanted them to gift you, though. I wonder how that was. Determined.

[Matt Walsh]

Do you think they gave away the weakest player? Be honest.

[Adam Carolla]

No. The only thing I was good at was that that was my only strength. That and softball at the time were the only.

[Matt Walsh]

So it's also valuable to a comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Theater when you're playing softball, when you do improv comedy, you do play a fair bit of softball.

[Matt Walsh]

That's important.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

I saw a game in Chicago where a guy got kicked in the face on the ground during a theater league softball game.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

I mean, like, this is not.

[Adam Carolla]

It got violent.

[Matt Walsh]

It got violent, yeah. And I was on the team where the guy did it. I'm like, this is. No, this doesn't matter that much.

[Brian Bishop]

And Jeremy Pippett's never been the same.

[Adam Carolla]

So. Matt, into the storm. Veep. Anything else coming up that you'd like, to plug. I don't know. It's just interesting to talk about.

[Matt Walsh]

I did a movie in Spain. I was in the Canary Islands. You know where those are?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, never been there, but I.

[Matt Walsh]

Didn'T know where they are. They're like 30 miles west of Africa, so they're pretty far south of Spain. And it's. It's kind of like Oahu. It's loaded with tourist resorts and things like that. And that was kind of interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

What was the movie?

[Matt Walsh]

It's called Wild Oats. It's like a older person's comedy. But I got to hang out with, like, Billy Connolly, you know, that sure had him on.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but head of the class.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah. He's a funny dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Has he done anything since head of the class?

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah, he's really stand up and he's, like, veered in England.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's one of those guys. He's. Well, we were sort of talking about the list of guys you'd like to say were the handful of guys you'd like to be leaving your house as someone you were trying to impress was coming over. Yeah. And he would. He would be Questlove with Billy Connolly would be the two guys I'd like to just to be leaving. But not talking about anything we discussed inside the house.

[Matt Walsh]

Just extras.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically, it's just walking. And if you're walking by, like, I just say, Matt. Yeah. Come by the house around noon, and I just. We sit by the window and I cue them and I go be super casual and just, you know, if you want to say hi to Matt, like, say hi to Matt, but don't go like, this is a very special trip we made. Adams House. No extra talk. No baskets that filled with fruit. Like, just. It's. It's a Saturday. It's every Saturday. Separate cars. You know what I mean?

[Matt Walsh]

I like that. I think I'd go like the head of the International Monetary Fund. Like, I'd get that.

[Adam Carolla]

But not recognizable.

[Matt Walsh]

But not recognizable.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd have to be celebrity. He has to be wearing his outfit.

[Matt Walsh]

How about, like, Warren Buffett, the guy who's like that billionaire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I still think they might go, who's that old man?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it depends what crowd you're trying to impress.

[Adam Carolla]

It's true.

[Brian Bishop]

You also don't have to be like, oh, that was like. If someone's like, oh, dude, that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

But if Questlove and Billy were leaving my house and then you showed up, I'd be impressed. Then I'd do it like, here. We'll do A little improv.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You. I'm in the craft and you ask. No, you come in the house.

[Matt Walsh]

We're already in the house.

[Adam Carolla]

I just let you in? Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

What the fuck, dude?

[Adam Carolla]

Huh?

[Matt Walsh]

Was that Questlove and Billy Connolly?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

What were they doing here? How do you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Do you want some cheese or something? No.

[Matt Walsh]

How do you know them? What's happening?

[Adam Carolla]

Are you Quest?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

Bill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They were just over. Do you want some cheese or something?

[Matt Walsh]

Billy Connolly doesn't even live out here.

[Adam Carolla]

What does he do? Have you ever. Have you had the Fresca that's bottled with real sugar, like cane sugar.

[Matt Walsh]

In all the years I've known you, you've never told me that you hang out with Quest Levin.

[Adam Carolla]

Billy Connolly Quest? He's been to Party. Been at him.

[Matt Walsh]

I've never met him in all the things I've been around.

[Adam Carolla]

You never? I didn't. No, they just. I didn't know they were coming by, but I told them they had to clear out because you're coming out. Coming over.

[Matt Walsh]

I wish you didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I didn't know you knew. Knew those guys. I know you.

[Matt Walsh]

I don't really know them, but I.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's why I told them to clear out. I didn't know.

[Matt Walsh]

That's fucking amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I invited you over, Matt, so we could have some Fresca, string cheese and. Anyway, Quest and Bill, they swung by, and I didn't want to be rude to him, but I was like. I didn't want to be rude to you either.

[Matt Walsh]

So I. I feel like I can't deliver anything interesting after you just hung out with those two people.

[Adam Carolla]

You're fine. What about that movie you did with the typhoon or something?

[Matt Walsh]

The tornado movie. That's not interesting. Well, that's not interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

I started to tell Quest about it. No.

[Matt Walsh]

Like Billy Connelly used to open for Elton John. I would love to interview him. Like, that guy's interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Elton's here. What? Yeah, I just. I told him to clear out. No, no, no.

[Matt Walsh]

He's here now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I told him to go in the pool room. Please.

[Matt Walsh]

Please.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's just back there in the pool room. I got a guitar back there. He just fiddles around. But I. This is our time, Matt. No, no, no. We.

[Matt Walsh]

Can. We see each other? Plenty. Let's go meet Elton.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Matt Walsh]

For me? I won't bug him for a photo. I just want to talk to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Reggie.

[Matt Walsh]

Reggie? His real name?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, we're friends.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Did you get your fresco or not?

[Matt Walsh]

I don't know if I can't even eat or drink. I just want to meet that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I want to meet him. Reggie's playing the guitar.

[Matt Walsh]

Let's go.

[Adam Carolla]

You sure? Because this is kind of our time. No. Okay.

[Matt Walsh]

Let's go meet Elton John.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Matt Walsh]

Sir Elton John.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta keep a Casio back there just for him to kind of fuck around. He's just noodling on the Casio.

[Matt Walsh]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Matt Walsh]

That's amazing to have that guy play that in your house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, watch.

[Matt Walsh]

Sounds good.

[Adam Carolla]

Watch. Watch your step. That's Maya Angelou's corpse. She's just. You know who did it? I'm saying. No, she's. She was an older woman, but she's.

[Matt Walsh]

Been that a while. I'm surprised they haven't buried her.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's kind of like the Stanley Cup. Those are. Those who are close. Get a little time with her. You know what I mean? And this was my time. But I don't want to talk about her. Because we're here for you.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah, I guess I'll have a Fresca.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Have that Fresca. And Steve, thank you.

[Matt Walsh]

Oh, my God. Applause again. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I think the thing about Quest Law.

[Allison Rosen]

You just came up with that off the top of your head.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Matt Walsh]

I sense sarcasm in that observation. I sense sarcasm.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the key to Quest and Billy Connolly leaving your house is be very nonchalant about it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Matt Walsh]

I love that move.

[Adam Carolla]

And try to make it more about you. You know, that's my unrelenting. That's right. All right. Shall we do some news? Allison Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it. Cut. It's Allison. Allison. Now, wait a minute. You didn't move on the Canary Islands with Questlove. We never got to the bottom.

[Matt Walsh]

Billy Connolly.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And that will do.

[John Popper]

We.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's weird, but I have to ask what the plan is for every movie now because they're not all just coming out. Some of them are going here.

[Matt Walsh]

I think the Weinstein's are going to distribute it. So you'll probably see it on a flight in an international flight soon. Would be my guest.

[Adam Carolla]

And when will that. When you think?

[Matt Walsh]

I guess next year.

[Adam Carolla]

Next year?

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah. They're still filming the Rest of it in New Orleans.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, shall we do it, Allison?

[Allison Rosen]

Mm. So Anthony Kumia did his first TV appearance since being fired. He was on Red Eye. It was really good segment. I would advise people to, if you want to hear him speaking about it. And all the. The hosts of the show, really, they. They weren't asking him softball questions. Like, at one point he said it wasn't racist. And Andy Levy's like, how can you say that wasn't racist? So perhaps we'll mediaite has it has the clip. Perhaps we'll link to it through AdamCroll.com.

[Adam Carolla]

But anyway, we can agree that Gutfeld, Greg Gutfeld, the nicest of the right wing guys out there.

[Allison Rosen]

I really like him.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have anything against right wing guys, but I just mean I do sometimes. A lot of them can be douchey, but he's got a great sense of humor.

[Allison Rosen]

The thing about.

[Adam Carolla]

Sticks with him.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. The thing about. One of the things I love about Greg is that he will always go for the joke before he'll go for the political point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And I enjoy that in a person like him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. So Kumia said, and the show's fun. Yes. He was asked if he would, if he were offered his job back in exchange for apologizing, would he do that? And he said, I will never apologize for this. I didn't do anything wrong. I go off on tears like this. I curse. I say horrific things about people who piss me off, and that's exactly what I did. Why am I going to apologize and say, I am different or I changed? I haven't. It would be a phony, bogus apology if it happened again, I would do the same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I bet he'd hesitate for just a moment and then perhaps do the same thing. Would there be a little moment where his wife or somebody tapped him on.

[Allison Rosen]

The shoulder and went, well, it's funny. Someone asked him to relax if the message of his tweets was that he was sick of his job.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there are, you know, certain things you do in life to sort of of get off the treadmill, I do believe. Whether you know it or not, I have seen instances where people just sort of went, I went out. And here's how I. Here's a way to get cop suicide by cop. Yeah, yeah, that's the ultimate. Or having a paper route out here and being Asian women, there's another way you can get cops to try to kill you. But either way, though, I appreciate the guy's fortitude because I think we Just need more of that. I can't stand. How many fake apologies have you heard in the last 10 years? Like in the last decade?

[Brian Bishop]

From you or from everyone?

[Adam Carolla]

From me and everyone.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Never ends.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry if I had to hear all this fake apology.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, thanks for apologizing. I appreciate that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Is there anything less satisfying than the thing that the publicist prepared and then reads? And it sounds so stiff, and it never, as an ounce of humanity, and.

[Matt Walsh]

It never turns into a real conversation about what's happening, Right? Like, it never goes deeper into a real conversation. Everybody just goes into public relations mode, backs away and tries to save face.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It's weird. It's something that it's basically. It's like many years ago, Dr. Drew brought his two sons over to my shop, over to my house, but over to my wood shop, and they had these little pine box derby racer things that they needed. They come in a pine. Just a blank, square piece of pine, and you draw a shape on it, and it's a Cub Scout thing, you know, and you put weights on it and it goes down the track and they give ribbons and stuff like that. And I got the band saw out and cut them into shape, and then I got, I don't know, belt sander, oscillating spindle sander or drum sander or circular sander or a random orbital sander or vibrating sander, one of the many sanders out. What kind of sander, type of sander? From my sander wall.

[Matt Walsh]

What grade of paper, what grade of sandpaper did you get to?

[Allison Rosen]

Good question.

[Adam Carolla]

Started with 60, worked my way up to 220.

[Matt Walsh]

Cool.

[Adam Carolla]

So I then that's what Matt would have done. When I was done, I handed back to him. And they're walking down the driveway, and I was walking them out to their car, and they're probably about nine years old, and they're twins and actually triplets, but the two boys. And Dr. Drew said, now thank Mr. Carolla for what he did. And they went. We thanked him inside the shop and he said, well, thank him. And they said, well, we said thanks already from inside the shop. And he said, well, I'm telling you to thank him again and thank him now. And I said, drew, you yelling at them to thank me is taking a little something away from the sincerity of the moment. When they do, eventually, when you're beating the shit out of them with a fucking belt and they're thanking me and screaming for mercy, it's going to take Something out of it for me, emotionally. So a thanks or an apology. When the publicist whips it up and then reads it and it's under threat of CBS Radio firing you or whatever, Viacom letting you go or whatever it is, maybe not such a great apology. So I'm glad we don't have to hear one of those.

[Allison Rosen]

Why do we do this charade of the phony apology? Like, why do we then act like it's okay? Like we believe it? Because we don't. And why does the person. I mean, they do it because they have to. But what is that stupid dance we're doing?

[Adam Carolla]

We want everything to go away as quickly as possible. And the quickest way to get things to go away is just issue this and then. And keep your fingers crossed that Baldwin calls someone a fag and we can move on really quickly. So, news cycle. Hold on. Alec. What was that?

[John Popper]

Quiet.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. What's Alec Baldwin? If you. You issue an apology, pray someone else fucks up real quick and you're done.

[Matt Walsh]

I also think sometimes it's to appease interest groups. I can't think of a perfect example. But if you say something in the parents group, if you did something on your sitcom or one of your stars did something on a sitcom that was.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, like, Sarah Silverman and Guy Aoki.

[Matt Walsh]

Tell me that one.

[Allison Rosen]

I forget the exact joke, but she pissed off an Asian rights group.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Matt Walsh]

Did she apologize?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think she. I don't know if she did or not.

[Adam Carolla]

Into this asshole, too.

[Allison Rosen]

Her joke wasn't racist. It was making fun of racists. And he said, no, it was racist. I think she was. I think she. I honestly don't know if she apologized or not. If it. If she did, I suspect it was like, I'm sorry if this offended you. However, that's not how I meant it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Guy Oke's designated himself the spokesperson for all Asian cultures, which is great because I believe he's Japanese and they don't have a great history with, like, the Chinese and some other Asian cultures. But either way, he is the spokesperson for all all. I think he's kind of out of business because people finally decide to tell that fucking idiot to fuck off. But I've had to deal with that prick myself, and it's just fucking insane. And it's getting worse. And I'm glad Anthony just said, fuck it, no apologies.

[Allison Rosen]

He also said, by the way, when.

[Adam Carolla]

Did we start demanding apologies for people who do comedy for a living? It's really weird. Like, I feel like we're so far ahead of this. I mean we could all. You see those Johnny Carson roast things. And here comes Sammy Davis Jr. And Dean Martin and there's Don Rickles and you know he's gonna make a horrible joke about Sammy Davis Jr. And why is everyone apologizing now? I mean comedians, politicians, fine, yes to that point.

[Allison Rosen]

But this wasn't part of a comedy routine.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, that's true.

[Allison Rosen]

He went on a jag, an angry jag.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm on the Sarah Silverman part.

[Matt Walsh]

But it's corporate too. Think comedy is corporate. There's businesses behind.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, absolutely. Comedians.

[Matt Walsh]

And so they manage, they try to manage the problem. Say if you want more money from us, you're going to do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically corporations are sort of water that is just going down a street up in the Hollywood Hills and it just sort of goes in the least resistance. So if it hits a twig it'll go left, if it hits a little gully it'll go right. And the easiest thing for corporations are. What did you say? Something stupid.

[Brian Bishop]

Stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

Now apologize and let's get going cuz we gotta get on with things. Yes, and we have stockholders.

[Allison Rosen]

So he says his use of animals, savages, those people, that kind of language was, did not mean all black people, just the violent ones. And that it was a misconception. Although perhaps. But he didn't use, he didn't make that clear at all.

[Adam Carolla]

He wasn't talking about that Urkel kid or nor Webster. Nor Webster. He said, and here's interesting, I'm not buying it.

[Allison Rosen]

He said to fire me for something on social media is kind of hypocritical. I think there wasn't even any outrage. No one approached Sirius XM and said, oh my God, you've got to fire him. It was such a knee jerk reaction in this day and age. And he goes on to say that he spoke this way, which by all accounts he did on air for 10 years and there was never a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

I have not heard the show because I don't have the Sirius and the xm and I wasn't. He was playing in the New York area before that. So I don't have any way to verify that, but I believe him. And I have run into some of the same stuff, which is the shit I get accused of saying now is shit I used to say on Loveline in 1997. So it's weird because people point at me and they go, you've changed. I go, listen to the old Loveline. It's the same shitty Poisonous, vitriolic, racist stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

It doesn't change.

[Adam Carolla]

That's just one bit. Yeah. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

Tracy Morgan is suing Walmart. The complaint was filed Thursday, U.S. district Court in New Jersey. The complaint states the defendant's negligence was a substantial contributing factor in causing plaintiffs injuries. And there's four injured parties. Named in the complaint is. It's Tracy Morgan, comedian Artie Fuqua, Morgan's personal assistant, Jeffrey Malea. And the fourth plaintiff in the lawsuit is Malaya's wife Krista, who's suing for loss of consortium.

[Matt Walsh]

Can you put her hands on sex?

[Allison Rosen]

Loss of sex?

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

That's my understanding of it, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I didn't know about that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you don't hear about it that.

[Adam Carolla]

Often, but then you have to hire a detective to follow around, because once she gets nailed again, you gotta go. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

I think only, I think, specifically nailed by that dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Matt Walsh]

And you'd have to establish a previous sexual history. That was healthy.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Matt Walsh]

There's a loss. Maybe they weren't making a lot of love before that accident.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, the language. I'm gonna have to look up, loss of consortium. The language describes it as, like, spousal benefits, but I think that's coded language for my understanding is it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but that was a breadwinner, right? All right, let's see. I can read it out there.

[Allison Rosen]

Loss of consortium is a term used in the law of torts that refers to the deprivation of the benefits of a family relationship due to injuries caused by a tort feasor. Oh. Loss of consortium arising from personal injuries was recognized under the English common law. Well, good thing this is being tried here.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's saying that clears it up. It's. It's sort of saying it's not.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not loss of income, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the income. It's. I have no more father for my children. I have no lover. I have no companion. I mean, it's just sort of all encompassing. Dad is gone.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hard to put a price on dad being gone.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what it sounds like.

[Adam Carolla]

Not my dad. We were happy. But most dads being gone.

[Matt Walsh]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. That's what it sounds like. Although it has been explained to me as loss of sex. Okay. Oh, right. As an example, in suits brought under Washington state's wrongful death statute, loss of consortium is an element of damages. While some jurisdictions only recognize spousal consortium parentheses usually considered as sex, others recognize parental consortium parentheses, love and affection as well, allowing children to recover for the death or disability of a parent and Vice versa. So in this case it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynette would be. The court would give her a choice. $4 or can of Dinty Moore stew. What's it going to be, sweetie? You've maxed out.

[Brian Bishop]

That's before she has to pay the lawyers.

[Allison Rosen]

So Walmart in a statement said they had already said this. We are deeply sorry that one of our trucks was involved. As we've said, we are cooperating fully in the ongoing investigation. We know it will take some time to resolve all of the remaining issues as a result of the accident. But we're committed to doing the right thing for all involved.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I didn't be one. I didn't want to be one of these dicks that was talking about money until we knew he was going to be okay. But if you're going to get hit by a trucker, have him be driving a Walmart truck and have him be up for 24 hours and then there's going to be a long paper trail where he, they should have checked in and pulled him off the road and he'd been driving for 12 hours. He went through this way station and he called his boss and told him he wanted to make it back by blah blah, blah blah blah. And I mean you got a dead guy and you got another guy who makes X amount of million dollars a year who could claim that he may not ever be able to do what he did before. I mean we're talking about, you've got.

[Allison Rosen]

Apparently a fantastic lover.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're talking about $50 million here. We're not talking about $8 million.

[Allison Rosen]

I would think even more than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just millions and millions and millions of dollars. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Because my understanding is Walmart is very anti union and also they push their drivers. So I, I think they will probably settle because they don't want people to be looking into what's going like how much because, because this guy on his own I'm sure didn't decide I'm gonna stay up 24 hours to get these whatevers across the whatever like I'm sure.

[Adam Carolla]

That was man, you know, gotta get, get this Coors to Texarkana.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

These Christmas lights, it's probably all Christmas lights getting ready for, for December.

[Allison Rosen]

We're late already.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm assuming that it. Look, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. What, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is Walmart, big name almost died. Yeah, that's it. There's huge payday. It really doesn't matter what he was doing or what he was carrying or who told him to do what, when the price just going to keep going up. But the base is already 25 million bucks and it's just going to keep going.

[Brian Bishop]

You think at some point he'll have some fun with this? Like he'll come out for a roast in a Walmart T shirt or something. He'll probably.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, look, I think he'll probably do what Richard Pryor did with catching setting himself on fire.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, Adam, I know that you're pretty anti lawsuit in general. If this kind of thing happened to you, would you bring a suit?

[Adam Carolla]

I want everybody. Here's what. But I guess I'm looking for out of life. Well, first off, this is maimed negligence. I mean, this is problems. I don't know all the ins and outs of the whole thing. I don't like the idea that every time something bad happens to someone, somebody sues somebody. Here's what I'm against. What I'm against is this. If you slip on your driveway and fracture your pelvis, you don't sue anybody. All you got is a poor Mexican gardener who hosed down the driveway and you can't get shit out of him. But if you sued inside of Saks Fifth Avenue, then you would sue for millions of dollars because now you did the exact same thing. But you're an expensive place. So this notion of like if. If Dawson hits you from the rear and it fucks your neck up, or if Richard Branson hits you from the rear, I want it to be the same price. I just want it to be how fucked up your neck is. Now, in this case, he's really fucked up. And if he was out here in Los Angeles and he was hit by an uninsured driver, like most of them are in Los Angeles, sadly, he'd get basically nothing and be really fucked up. And I wouldn't like that. I'm just saying I don't want every lawsuit to be based on, well, how much does a celebrity make? Who fucked up? Yeah, I just want it to be based in general on how badly you are fucked up or what you deserve. In this case, it's a lot. And this is win win because he was really fucked up. And he was hit by a company that makes a shitload of money. So this will be one of those. He'll make a shitload of money. He deserves a shitload of money, and it'll be that. All right, it's found. It's found its bounds. I don't like frivolous lawsuits and I don't like the ones that are just sort of. You got a shitload of money. Just give it to me. I don't like it when people go, well, you know, Billy Connolly can afford to pay this amount. He's not gonna miss it. And it's like, don't base it on what the other person squirreled away. Base it on the merits of the case. That's all I'm saying. And the other one, too, that always drives me nuts, is, nobody feels sorry for. I can tell you, as a partial celebrity, the answer for any time lawsuits or anything ever comes up is always, nobody feels sorry for you, Adam. It's like, what's that have to do with the law feeling sorry for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Bearing on the case?

[Adam Carolla]

It shouldn't, but it does.

[Matt Walsh]

We can't sell you in court, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's what they're saying. Sell you in court. Because no one can't sell you in court. No one feels sorry for you.

[Matt Walsh]

Someone, sir, doing the Dodgers, too. The. The guy who got beat up and.

[Allison Rosen]

His brain damaged now. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Got 15, 16 million bucks.

[Matt Walsh]

I.

[Brian Bishop]

And I.

[Matt Walsh]

It's terrible.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not.

[Matt Walsh]

But I sort of felt bad for the Dodgers.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we know you're a fan of brain trauma. No, I'm not. This is thinly failed, Matt.

[Matt Walsh]

Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I know a little bit.

[Matt Walsh]

Well, that's, like.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my whole point. If that.

[Matt Walsh]

Because they can't have security in the parking lot after every game.

[Adam Carolla]

If that happened, they weren't truly negligent, were they? No. And it, by the way, asshole from.

[Matt Walsh]

LA beat up a guy. Like, we can't watch every citizen at a ball game.

[Adam Carolla]

If that was at an alley, Brian Stowe would have gotten nothing, and he should get something.

[Matt Walsh]

But I think they're asking for a ton.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, this is one of those. Look, you're the dodgers. You're worth $2 billion. 15 million. Come on, you can afford that. Nobody feels sorry for you. Right.

[Matt Walsh]

And public relations will turn the town against you.

[Brian Bishop]

You.

[Matt Walsh]

If you fight us.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just a. You know, it's always. Look, they could have done more. They could. Everyone could have done more in just about every. Is there ever an instance where you couldn't have done more? You know, they could have had more security. They could have had more lighting. They could have this.

[Matt Walsh]

Stop serving beer at the second inning as opposed to the seventh inning.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Just.

[Adam Carolla]

They could have done something. They're the Dodgers, they're rich, and this guy was in a coma for six months, so pay something. Yeah, that's that's where we're at. And I think we've kind of. That's kind of how divorce works, isn't it? You just go, this guy's got a lot of money. Give her the money, you know?

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else we got?

[Allison Rosen]

Did you see the photo of Steven Spielberg from the set of Jurassic park where he's sitting in front of him.

[Matt Walsh]

In front of a dinosaur? I saw that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. It went viral with people freaking out, thinking that this is the shot of him and his, like, big game kill. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So here, like, Pam Anderson freaked out.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, on Facebook, all sorts of Facebook comments from people who. Okay, so he's a disgusting, inhumane prick. I'd love to see these hunters be stopped. I think zoos are the best way to keep these innocent animals safe. Assholes like this piece of shit are going into these beautiful animals home and killing them. It's no different than someone coming into your home and murdering you. That's what's so selfish about people that hunt. They're uneducated in their way of thinking as well. These animals are overpopulating and are just going to die anyway. Human beings are overpopulating. And guess what? If we were to kill an innocent human being and use that as an excuse, we'd be in prison. I think it's time to say the same thing about animal rights. Steven Spielberg, I'm disappointed in you. I'm not watching any of your movies again. Animal Killer.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know what the horn.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah, the triceratops.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what the horn of the triceratops will fetch? And the Japanese black market?

[Brian Bishop]

It's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a big horn and it's called Try. So there's.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't fool yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Four of them. No, three of them. Right. So you can sell that shit. I mean, a rhino's got like one horn. Elephant's got two tusks. But the ivory from the triceratops, he.

[Matt Walsh]

Might have had a legal license, too. Like, they might limit. They might issue, like. Well, they over.

[Adam Carolla]

They overpopulate. Have you ever seen emaciated one walking down the sidewalk? It's sad. I live in the Hollywood Hills, so I see him every once in a while.

[Matt Walsh]

It's really sad coming over Laurel Canyon. Always like, triceratops crossing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow. And by the way, he's not holding a gun. And it's. He's Jewish and he's Steven Spielberg. He doesn't hunt. Like, you know what they're. You know what they're on. Remember when Donald Trump's like Don Jr. S kids went out like three years ago and they shot fucking whale or something and they were leaning against it or whatever. There was something with Donald.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it was a lion, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was. No, it was like an elephant, a rhino or an elephant or something. I don't think it was a lion. I don't know why I think you're allowed to shoot lions on the game preserve. Whatever. They went out and did their sort of legal fish in a barrel sort of out on safari. He shoot a water bison or something like that. Just shot a water buffalo. Okay. By the way, I'm sure half the people who are complaining put their hamburger down to write this. To complaint about this. But anyway, the majestic water buffalo and everyone went nuts on that. And they're treating that like this.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of funny though, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It is funny. I mean, it's a very realistic looking triceratops, I suppose. Okay. Are we now looking at a photo of the Trump boys and an alligator and elk.

[Brian Bishop]

Caribou.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's an impala. Impala or gazelle? Yeah, impala.

[Matt Walsh]

I'm gonna say Thompson's gazelle.

[Adam Carolla]

How come it's not called. How come there's no car called a gazelle?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know, but I'm gonna go with the impala.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going impala too. And then we're gonna find out that.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm a good connotation because I still remember mine.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. And I'll bet maybe an impala and a gazelle are the same thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Might be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Then we're all going to be disappointed. Barkbox baby. Ah, love these guys. Molly girl loves herself some Barkbox. Still going strong. Molly still having a good old time.

[Brian Bishop]

Unbelievable. I mean, great.

[Adam Carolla]

Sleeping on my feet, wagging her tail in the morning. You know the move I like to do with my dog is in the morning, she just stands in the kitchen. She's like, that's the weird sort of whole body wag. And then I do the high step kind of. And then she gets a little more and I do. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Some kind of mating dance you have with your dog?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. Yeah, that's all in the coffee. All natural single ingredient treats and [e-mail]. adam, you love your little pup? Well, you get her the bark box, I get him the bark box. They got toys. I got grooming products. Source from American vendors. Every item, high quality, safe. And they test on their own pups. They love their own pups and they give them the stuff too. BarkBox donated 150k to shelters, animal welfare organizations. In 2014. They're going for $1 million. 10% of all the proceeds go to help out the needy pups. Sign up. Visit barkbox.com. ask him. Yeah, so he's doing Jurassic park four or five. I love Jurassic Park. Holds up the first one.

[Brian Bishop]

Still a great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I use this as an example all the time. And it's fine. Like, you know, I don't mind movies being wildly outlandish and inconceivable. You just go ahead and connect the dots for me. What happens? Well, there's these mosquitoes, and they suck the blood off these old reptiles, these dinosaurs. And then they got swallowed up in this little amber stuff and they got kind of locked in Tupperware time. And now we took them out and we extracted the DNA and we built it. And it's all very sort of plausible. Like, you just go, why not? And again, Jim Carrey's son made a wish that he could never lie again on his third birthday party. And I go, that's bullshit. I wished many things. It never came true. But just because there's lightning in the sky and we're pissing into the same pond and it hits the pond, does that mean we switch personalities?

[Brian Bishop]

That's a true story. Dude.

[Adam Carolla]

That is not good science. This is just a scientific explanation of what happened, and then the rest is movie making.

[Matt Walsh]

I like the Planet of the Apes for that reason. The last two, they're tremendous. I love.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian was not a fan of the last one.

[Matt Walsh]

Did you see the second one you didn't like was.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God, I loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a snob.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm a snob.

[Matt Walsh]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

It was just felt like it was much ado about nothing. It was a boring movie until the last third. And it was. I didn't. I just don't see what people see in it. What do you. What do you like about it? What is your.

[Matt Walsh]

I think I'm probably like a Trekkie for that series. I'm. I'm gonna see every one they make.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you like the original? Like the early on?

[Matt Walsh]

No, I like the new reboot more than the oldies. The Heston one. I like the Heston one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, Heston. The Heston's ones are great because it's just Heston in a loincloth the whole time. But, Gary, you got to find the scene where. It's going to be tough.

[Allison Rosen]

The Internet's down right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the Internet's down. It's a scene in the first one. Right after they land, and they're like, walking, and Chuck's doing the math, and he's like, we're 2 million years in the future. And they're going, wow, sure hope we find some water and shelter. And he's like, everything you've ever known, ever loved and ever seen has turned to dust. It's like, thanks, Julie.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks for letting me down easy from.

[Adam Carolla]

The fucking love boat. I'll see you on the lido deck. Prick. Like, hey, I'm depressed enough about us fucking crashing our spaceship into the pond over there. Could you back off on the super negative talk for just a couple seconds till we find some shade? We don't even know if we can drink any water or find any food. And he's laughing, and I think Chuck's. It's weird if you watch the first one because there's a lot of weird kind of biblical connotations and things in it and references and just. There's more there than just, hey, this dude's gonna battle with some apes. There's like a lot of weird Bible stuff in there. And God and man playing God and, you know, it was during that time in the 70s where like, oh, what are we doing with our future? By the year 2000, man and chimp will have turned into one, you know, and blah, blah, blah. But it's pretty late 60s, early 70s out. And Chuck is like, in full chuck. Full chuck. Yeah, yeah, full chuck. Full ground round. He is in full chuck Effect.

[Matt Walsh]

Decimal level 10 does not get any.

[Adam Carolla]

Chuck hestany er than that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

No, he's dialed in.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like Brian. No assignment. Okay for ye.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's hear it.

[Adam Carolla]

You find the celebrity, okay? And then you find the movie where they'll never be more them than them. Like Swayze and Swayze and Rodney Nick Cages.

[Matt Walsh]

You got to get the Nikagist one. Probably the Tom Cruisiest has got to be. There's got to be a monologue.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Swayzeaniest the Clooney. Yeah, Swayze. And Roadhouse was as Swayze as swayze. You know, 500 years from now, when we think of when our great great grandchildren are fantasizing about Patrick Swayze, that will be Swayze at his zenith of Swayziness.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah, Kirk Douglas probably had a Kirk Douglas moment.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'll think about this. I'll bring some options in for Baldiwood.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think Jon Cryer and Pretty in Pink was that crier?

[Adam Carolla]

Ducky was his crierest duck he ever got. Now we can see the audio. Shit. He's walking with his guys. He shouldn't be in his loincloth yet, Gary. He'll be in a space outfit. By the way, back then was always just silver leather. It was this leather spray painted silver. That was all. That was all. They didn't have big collars in space. You know, back in space outfits. But he's walking with his guy. By the way, the black guy looks like the black GI Joe. Like, he, like, remember GI Joe had the one black friend.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not quite that old, Adam, but I'll go with it and say, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

GI Joe had a black friend.

[Allison Rosen]

You didn't have a black transformer.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a good point. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jazz.

[Brian Bishop]

He was the black transformer.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a Denali with rims. Any legal tint, by the way, kept getting pulled over. All right, let's do one more.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so there's a Chinese and Thailand. China and Thailand based sex toy company that has come out with a vibrator with a GoPro camera installed at the tip.

[Matt Walsh]

Oh, my goodness.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm. And. And there was a little commercial for it, and it just showed the woman holding it, but it's like a super close up of her fingers. So I'm guessing it would be a pretty clinical image that you would end up getting with this. So I don't know who's super into that.

[Adam Carolla]

To me, it's about the.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm save money on pap smears.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's the ride and not the destination. So maybe you want to see the part before it gets too far up in there.

[Matt Walsh]

My first worry was the camera end was the pointy end. I got scared. But that's the cable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Also known as a leash in this case.

[Matt Walsh]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And there needs to be a light source too, because otherwise you're not gonna see anything once you shoot it down your throat up in there. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You backlight. Yeah. I don't. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And who's this for?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

This is one of those. Just because this is why the terrorists hate us.

[Brian Bishop]

The victor is getting the woman to agree to do it. Right. Not what you see, but it's essentially.

[Matt Walsh]

What the plumber can give you when he checks your pipes. I mean, it's not gonna be. It's gonna be clinical. Yeah, it's gonna be like a shadowy sorta.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they put a.

[Brian Bishop]

Roots growing in.

[Adam Carolla]

They put a. Yeah.

[Matt Walsh]

There's your blockage right here. Zoom in on that.

[Brian Bishop]

Flush that out.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a clay vagina, not one of the newer PVC ones.

[Matt Walsh]

This is where your Lower intestines galvanized. They shouldn't have done that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Down there.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Real there wants to knock 10 grand off of coos. He said we could fix it for five. Yeah, they dropped the cameras down the chimney to see if the flu's all cracked and all that kind of stuff. And then they do it up there. Toilet. I haven't told this story in a million years but Bob the plumber. When I was a million years ago, I put an addition on my grandparents house. I put a kitchen on their house. I was like 23, 22. So my first job when I was a carpenter out of just working for other guys, I took a year off.

[Matt Walsh]

You were the foreman?

[Adam Carolla]

I was the foreman and the laborer was just me and grandma and grandpa. I took one year. I put a kitchen on their house, just the slab, everything just whole cloth. And it was a pretty comical year of me arguing with my grandma and watching like watching like the Price is Right and eating off a TV tray like for lunch with my grandpa and stuff like that. It was just a weird. They lived up the street in North Hollywood. I lived down in an apartment. I got 10 bucks an hour. I probably worked 26 hours a week or something. It was just enough to get by on. And at a certain point I had to tie in the sink to the main drain, the main old clay pipe that went out to the sewer and we had to find it. And it was like in the lawn in the back and I digging around and we located it and I dug it out and it was about six feet down and Bob the plumber was going to come in and the way you do it is you remove a portion of the clay pipe, let's say 14 inches of it and you put a Y in it. It's essentially. Well, we need to feed another drain line into this bigger drain line.

[Brian Bishop]

Splitter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like a splitter. Like a splitter. So we'll, we're going to pull out a section, we'll replace it with this new section and off of that section will come another section that we can tie into from the sink. The new sink, dishwasher, whatever he got down in there. And it's you know, 75 year old house and it's got the old clay pipe and he's in there and he's trying to use a saw, like a hand saw. He's trying to cut out a section of it but it's sort of crumbling as he's going. It's not like PVC or something where he can just take A hacksaw and go at it. So he's cutting it and he's kind of taking it apart. He's got it done in such a way where he's got kind of the top part off and it created a trough. And there's a lot of debris in the trough, pieces of broken up clay and stuff. Well, he's down in this hole. And the hole was only big enough. Only dug out as much dirt as it needed to expose the pipe. Then you'd kind of climb down there clumsily and go at it. I just forgot he was down there. At a certain point, you may know where this is heading. And finished lunch with Grandpa and just went and took a shit. And I just heard him screaming and jump out of the hole because his shit literally just floated, you know, you think this shit floats down like it's Six Flags over St. Louis and you're with the Banana Splits or something.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not a log ride.

[Adam Carolla]

It ain't. It ain't steep. No. Here's the deal. If there's too much pitch, it is a log ride. But. But if there's too much pitch on the sewer pipe, the water will just drain through it. You want the water kind of. You want it. Pirates of the Caribbean before you get to the. You know that.

[Matt Walsh]

Why. Why don't you want that momentum in the sewer pipe? Don't you want to pull the.

[Adam Carolla]

Because the water will sort of outrun the shit. Oh, God. You want the shit sort of floating down this.

[Matt Walsh]

That's how it'll move it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how it'll move it. If you do it steep, the water just goes. And the shit just kind of sticks and rolls.

[Allison Rosen]

Got it?

[Adam Carolla]

You want it? Yeah. I mean, they say shit rolls downhill, but not really. It needs. There's a code. And the code is it'll drop an inch for every six feet it travels or something. It's not like a big. It's counterintuitive. It's not a big steep. And by the way, it'd be down to 200ft by the time it hit the street. If you think about it, your toilet's 100ft back in the back of the house. It gets to the street, it's six, seven feet in the ground. It can't drop that much. It's a slight drop. So the shit was just slowly moving down the lazy Flume and came to rest in front of Bob onto the gravel that he'd created with the clay pipe. Later on, my grandmother fell into the hole because it was the middle of the lawn. That I remember those. Only two things.

[Brian Bishop]

Classic hijinks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good stuff. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosenz at Congress.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. All right, Gary, have we found anything? No, we're still looking. I'm trying to download the full movie, so maybe tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Just. You want to think about. Let's pick an actor and figure out when he was at his.

[Brian Bishop]

Why don't I come in with, like, a handful of actors and we'll sort of figure out their. Like, you know, for Pacino, I think a Scent of a Woman. That's the one that sort of, you know, began bellowing and that's sort of the one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When he became Pacino. Yeah. And Godfather is just an actor.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. For Julia Roberts, it was Pretty Woman, probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe Jack Nicholson, the Shining, Mad Matt fundamentally nominated that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Here's Johnny. Yeah. It's one of the ones when the.

[Brian Bishop]

Not always an iconic movie, though. Jack Nicholson was very Jack Nicholson. Like the Witches of Eastwick.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the tells are if hacky comedians when they do their impersonation of this guy. Which movie is it from? Sentiment is the one they choose.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's a tough one. Where was Keanu the most? Keanu. Was it Point Break? Was it Speed? Was it the Matrix?

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say, Point Break, when Swayze went out into the ocean and he went, bias Candidos, my friend. Like, that was.

[Allison Rosen]

But all comedians do. I know kung fu.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's. Isn't that from the Matrix?

[Brian Bishop]

That's Matrix.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't sleep on speed.

[Adam Carolla]

I am a U.S. federal. I'm an FBI. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That was Point Break. Point Break might be the most Keanu.

[Adam Carolla]

It is for me. Deer Hunter, baby. Everyone loves Deer Hunter 2014. Big guns, over 100 different species of animals. You got the Trump brothers out there shooting everything. And your mission, you got a mission. You got wild animals attacking you, bullets flying everywhere. It's addictive. And you can get free on the App Store and Google Play. Millions are playing Deer Hunter 2014. Why not join them? And why not try it out, man, and try it for free, even if you ain't a big game hunter. It's a blast. It's fun. It's available on the App Store and Google Play. Deer Hunter 2014, available on the App Store and Google Play. All right, my book president, me. I've just been signing a bunch of jackets back there, so you can send them in and I will sign them. If you want Taco Bell material, I got 3,000 of those books sitting right behind me. And we'll get you one of those as well. You can go to AdamCarolla.com Allison Rosen, your new best friend, everybody. New episodes available on itunes and every Monday and Thursday. And AllisonRosen.com Courtney Robertson is skinny dipping.

[Allison Rosen]

Model from the Bachelor and an author.

[Matt Walsh]

Good cat.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Matt Walsh, the Storm. Into the Storm. Into the Storm. Please.

[Matt Walsh]

Adam, it's not the Storm.

[Adam Carolla]

Into the storm in theaters August 8th. Veep. Of course, going into it's got greenlit for season four, by the way, HBO. So look for that as well. And until next time, Adam Carolla from Matt Walsh, Allison Rosen, Ball Bryan saying Mahala. All right. Are you done? Person of color, please leave my office.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that's Adam Carollo Show 1367. Coming up next, we have Adam Carollo Show 1388. Comedian Steve Hofstadter, John Popper, Allison Rosen and Brian bishop up from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out. Good day. Allison, Rosa, hello, Adam Carolla and Ball Bryan.

[Allison Rosen]

I haven't even reached the level where I can be a full blown cunt yet.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone calling themselves Jules Dash wanted that with the swear top drop. A lot of Jules Dashes out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Came out of the bay. Came out of the edit bay just long enough to pull down the scarf and go ahead and tweet that one out.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't believe I'm on the radar of one Jules Dash.

[Brian Bishop]

He or she is a fan of the show, apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. That's right. It loves the format.

[Matt Walsh]

It does.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. U.S. san Diego, American comedy Company that is coming up this Wednesday. That is August 6th. Two shows, 7 and 9:30. So come say hi. And then me actually doing a little Mangria signing in San Diego as well. Bridges Bar and Grill, that'll be same day, not a coincidence. August 6th, that'll be at 5pm so see me and the stone pelican there and say hi and drink a little mangria and then we'll do a couple shows that night. Also Treasure island coming up on August 29th. So come say hi. Always a good time. All right. So I should address this latest situation with the patent trolls and us and the case and personal audio went and did a press release and they talked about. I'm not sure what they were talking about, but I heard things. I heard things.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what they were. I heard things.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me give you guys a little quick coach up on how all this stuff works. How this stuff works is I say, I am suing you, bald Brian. And you say, what for? And I say, it does not matter.

[Brian Bishop]

But I feel like I have the right to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Then I say, you know what? Just give me several hundred thousand dollars and we'll get on with our lives.

[Brian Bishop]

It's got to be extortion.

[Adam Carolla]

No? Well, it's just our legal system. And I know full well that I'm going to bleed you dry with expert witnesses and testimonials and so on and so forth. And so now guess what I got. I got a meter running on your ass. And that meter is running, and it's running big time. So how long do you want to stretch this out? And if you'd like us to go away, we can go away now. Now, the problem with what we're doing and how we're doing it is we have an audience, a dedicated audience, a podcast community that's all gathered in and said, well, let's just split the bill 10,000 ways. And instead of saying, one guy, namely me, can spend $650,000. And by the way, that's before you get to court. One person can spend 650. We'll just whack it up 10,000 ways, and everyone can just put in $22 or whatever, however it works out. But it's a nice math. Now, as the guy who's wielding the stick, my stick turns into a fucking number two pencil. Because I can't beat you with it anymore because you've taken this huge leverage that I have on you, meaning you want to keep cutting your attorney's checks and spread it out over your entire audience, and, you know, Nerdist, Marc Maron, whoever, just spread it out. So now, I mean, don't get me.

[Brian Bishop]

Wrong, the number two pencil would hurt a lot and be annoying, but it doesn't wield.

[Adam Carolla]

Just take an eye out.

[Brian Bishop]

It doesn't wield the same power that the first stick does.

[Adam Carolla]

You look, if you sue somebody and that person says, I have a rich, eccentric uncle who hatesyou know, who hates you, and he has billions of dollars in terminal cancer, you better have a really good case, because there ain't gonna be no settling up. And we're not settling up. We never were gonna settle up. The deal was they're gonna drop the case or we're gonna go to court and we're gonna win. But either way, they came out with a press release saying, hey, we want to walk away from the case, but Adam won't let us. And so fans stop Giving money to a bogus lawsuit that has no merit that we brought on Adam Carolla. Please stop giving him money. Stop bookmarking Amazon and clicking through. Stop it, fans. He doesn't need it anymore. We tried to walk away. Well, the thing that's a little counterintuitive about that is if one wants to drop a case, one can drop a case. They didn't ask us when they sued us. They didn't ask my permission. You don't need my permission. Boy, what a utopia would be. Or how low self esteem would I have to have. Either way, you don't have to ask one's permission to sue somebody. And you do not have to ask their permission to drop a case.

[Brian Bishop]

Stop suing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, if Personal Audio would like to drop the case, Personal Audio can do that and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. It. I think you can understand, since the case is still ongoing, the notion that we've tried to drop the case, but Adam Carolla won't let us.

[Brian Bishop]

Just.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a sort of two and two doesn't equal four kind of math.

[Brian Bishop]

It would be brilliant if it wasn't so dumb.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So the question is not, or the statement is not, we can't drop the case. Yes, you can drop the case. What they like is, is you guys stop raising money so that we can bleed Adam dry so we wield a bigger stick. So what we're doing is working. That's what I'm saying. And unfortunately, MA and pop businesses around the country don't have this. They don't have this audience, they don't have this network that we have. We have built an audience, we've built a network, we have a community. And it's working quite nicely, so I ask you to keep it up. But as far as the, you know, allegations that the case was being dropped. But I won't let it be dropped. Personal Audio, or as I like to call you, nothing personal, go ahead and drop the case. See what. See what happens. You want to walk away, walk away. We're not compromising. Our deal is there are no compromises. It either gets dropped or we stay on it.

[Allison Rosen]

Are they offering like a half ass dropping or something?

[Adam Carolla]

It's drop with a lot of rules attached.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll see you again later.

[Allison Rosen]

Drop with, we'll come back.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll see you soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a lot. I cannot get into those details, but there's a lot of we'll see you down the road.

[Brian Bishop]

Jack, save that seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Or not. But either way, our feeling is It's a bogus lawsuit. If you'd like to drop it, you may drop it.

[Matt Walsh]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd like to drop it with a lot of conditions and terms attached to it. No, we're not going to do that. We haven't come this far to accept those terms.

[Brian Bishop]

You know how they say the cliche in football is one team, one team wanted to play. You could tell what team wanted to play. Another quarter, you know, being like one team was clearly being beaten and one team was clearly doing very well.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's obvious when one person would like to walk away and one person wouldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And does this have to do with the pencil?

[Brian Bishop]

This is exactly the pencil.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And thanks to you guys and thanks for going to animcroll.com and clicking the banner and doing it to all the people you work with and so on and so forth, we have taken this and spread it out over thousands and thousands of people and now we can keep the fight. Now, for those of you who want to know, what are you doing with all the extra cash? Oh, no, there is no extra cash. It is down. We are down. I am down six figures down. There is no extra at this point. There is no extra. If there is, it'll go to the EFF or the March of Dimes or the brain tumor walk coming up. Whatever it'll go to, it will not go into my pocket. Right. And for those of you, it'll go.

[Brian Bishop]

In your pocket till it gets to that place. Eventually you got to get. You can't just throw it.

[Adam Carolla]

Those of you who want to know, and eventually, I will provide everything for everyone. But, Brian, you've known me for a long time. Yes, I'm the guy who came on the Loveline, brought my Social Security statement in and read all the numbers, inspiring off it. Thank you. Have you ever known me to fudge numbers? In terms of dollar amounts raised, given out, what it cost, what it didn't cost. Everyone knows me to be disingenuous in that department.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyone who's read Shrinkage, my book, knows that. I mentioned in there that one of your best traits as a broadcaster in a person, but as a broadcaster especially, is you're almost steadfastly unwilling to exaggerate, like to sort of make, you know, to make your point a little better, like you are beholden to the facts.

[Allison Rosen]

Had to mention your book to bring that up.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess I could have gotten away without it kinda. Point is, yes, the facts are always the facts.

[Adam Carolla]

If I was in the black, 100 grand, I would tell you. And if I was in the red over that, I would tell you. And that's what I'm telling you. And at some point, obviously, the only thing we have is this bond between the listeners and us. And when that gets broken, the pirate ship sinks. So believe me, everything will be completely transparent when this thing is done. But you will be shocked and appalled at just how much this thing is. And by the way, as I've said many times, it's not personal audio we have to do battle with. It's really the government that we're doing battle with. The personal audios of the world will always be there as long as there is an environment where they can run unchecked, where they can flourish. I mean, that is, again, personal audio or big oil, big pharma, or the movie industry. If they can save a few bucks by going to Louisiana, they're just gonna go to Louisiana. Don't blame Paramount or Warner Brothers or whoever's getting on a plane and going to Louisiana. Whatever the loophole is, fix the loophole.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not a system that allows things like this to happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're never gonna be able to tell people, hey, just do the right thing. Like, hey, look, you live in California. That's the state you're in. This is the state you're set up in. Blah, blah, blah. Sure, you pay an extra 15% in taxes where. But you do your production out of here. Don't go to Canada.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't blame the ant for crawling up your butt.

[Adam Carolla]

Blame yourself for wearing the wrong underwear and not wiping. That's. That's the point. The newest development is that we ask for a stay in the trial while the patent is being reviewed by the court, meaning the eff got a thing that said, look, I don't even know if this patent is valid or not. And they said. And the court said, okay, we'll review it. Give us a year to review it. And I don't know how many months, Gary, we have left on that. They have until April 2015 to give us an answer. All right, so we have about 10 or nine months or whatever. So there's a number of months left on that. So of course, we say to the court, hey, man, this thing that we're arguing over may not even exist in 10 months or eight months or whatever it is. This may not be valid. So we're gonna go to trial and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and a bunch of man hours and everything, and then it's gonna be ruled invalid. But we've already spent $1.5 million in trial. So can we just stay this off until the court rules on whether this thing's valid or not? No.

[Allison Rosen]

Why? That makes no. I mean it's not like courts like to get to stuff that they ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Why should they give a shit about us or anybody else, number one. Number two, they want the business.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, those court fees and stuff, right? They stand to make money off it.

[Adam Carolla]

Fees, there's hotels.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, of course they have the trickle down local business and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of business. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's their cash crop.

[Adam Carolla]

Why should they look out for small business? Why would they do what made sense? Why would they care about saving a citizen hundreds of thousands of dollars?

[Allison Rosen]

So crooked seeming.

[Adam Carolla]

Why?

[Brian Bishop]

It's a hell of a story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's awesome. But the great story is we are winning and it's because they did not count on you. People who are listening right now, that's what they didn't count on. So thank you. And speaking of ball, Bryan's book. Audible.com leading provider premium digital spoken audio information entertainment on the Internet. I'm listening to Shrinkage by bald Brian Bishop, if you want to know. Purchase individual books for real savings. You can sign up for the Audible listener program which gives you book credits every month for low price. Over 150,000 titles. Everybody. I mean that's everything. Kids, young adult, whatever it is. You get a free audiobook and a 30 day trial today by signing up at Dibba Da Dup. AudiblePodcast.com ACE so www.AudiblePodcast.com ACE and you can try it out for free. Nice 30 day trial. All right, that's exciting. We have a. John Popper is going to be calling in very soon. Talked to him. I spoke to him off the air very recently, so I'm excited to talk to him on the air. We had our little situation where the beer was pilfered.

[Brian Bishop]

Dark day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it was my crystal knock and well, you know us atheists, you know, we don't have a lot to celebrate, but that was my Kristalnock. All the. All celebrating. Celebrating is not. It's a day of observance. That's right. I don't have a lot to observe as an atheist, but that will be.

[Allison Rosen]

Does Kristallnacht sound beautiful? Like there should be dances done to it?

[Adam Carolla]

It does.

[Brian Bishop]

I think that was one of the original entries for Sounds Better than it is. I think that was what Theresa's first entry back when we were like things that sound better than they are. Kristen Lock Sounds delightful.

[Adam Carolla]

So I had a huge pile of beer, and can I just say this? I had this argument with my wife a time or two, but she said to me. She said to me once, you scare me. And I said, no, I don't. And she said, oh, yes, you do. And I said, no, I do not scare you. And she said, yes, you do. I said, I wish I scared you. I wish there was just some element of fear when I say, for the 152nd time, can we water the pods outside? Can we please just do it? Just please. I'm gonna kill myself. Please. But someone who's actually fearful at certain plants. Yeah. I can show you some scared stepsons running around there with shaky hands. Yes. Yes. No. Fear gets things done. So every time Dr. Drew comes in here and he goes, those guys are all scared of you. They're all scared, all scared of you. That's. He loves. He loves to beat that drum. Oh, Chris Maxapata. Gary. Those guys are all. They're scared. Look at them, shaking in their boots. Scared to death of you. I go, no, they're not. And he goes, yeah. And I go, are you guys scared of me? And they go, he wouldn't tell you they were too scared to tell you how scared they are. Forget about scared. I look at actions when you're scared. I'll put it to you this way. You wouldn't do this to Letterman, would you?

[Allison Rosen]

Take his beer, you mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Fly to New York and go to.

[Adam Carolla]

His office, Whatever the equivalent of David Letterman would be. No, you would not do that. That would be a very bad day for you. And everyone would be scared shitless. Scared to death to fucking. Fucking do anything. And again, I don't know if the man drinks beer. I just mean something got dropped off in his name and you're just gonna take it home. No, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

You wouldn't take Craig Ferguson's haggis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

For example.

[Adam Carolla]

Although Craig Ferguson's probably a nice guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta pick someone. Go, Kilborn.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Craig Kilborn's basketball shoes.

[Allison Rosen]

I was just gonna say basketball.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. The point is, is when you're scared, you're scared. When you're not, you sneak out of here with a case of beer up your ass.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, they didn't even have the dignity to show you the respect of putting it in their ass.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

They just walked it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Brazenly carried it.

[Adam Carolla]

So we will.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

So please bring that up to Dr. Drew when he does the. How Scared everyone is. Of me.

[Allison Rosen]

Me.

[Adam Carolla]

But then I went home and thought about it. I thought, all right, we got into this on the air. Who's bringing some of it back? Who's bringing it back?

[Allison Rosen]

I assumed a lot of it would have come back by now.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what a scared person would have done.

[Brian Bishop]

Could take bets. I think that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson, don't. Please. Whatever point you're going to shit on, hold off. Just hold off. Don't shout out anyone's name or don't do anything yet. Not yet. Because I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want anyone's name or I don't want any information on this. If you'd like to take bets.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Chris got into it right away, so I think it's gonna be hard for him to bring beer back.

[Adam Carolla]

Max Pata.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

So he did, like, 18 cans to his head that night.

[Brian Bishop]

I think he probably got into it.

[Adam Carolla]

That night, so we can't. Unless he's going down to the brewery, then.

[Brian Bishop]

Gary.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm writing down my answers.

[Brian Bishop]

Gary and Kaylin living together, I mean, that's like. That's like peer pressure on each other to bring it back. Like they're accountable. It's like when you have a buddy you work out with.

[Steve Hofstadter]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, gets you to the gym one more.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll spot you while you get drunk.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So they probably brought some back.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Other than that, I have no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a Dick bank song.

[Brian Bishop]

We do.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we should hear it. We should all just, you know, just give it a little soul search. Now, Dawson, if you have something to say, that's not going to soil this at all, because I'm trying to get a fresh read on. I'll let you get to your point first. Go ahead. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

The thing that's throwing this off for me, this is just. It's as if Mike lynch has his hand in this game, even though he doesn't, is that if everyone brought back beer, we wouldn't be talking about it right now. Or if the people that you thought would bring it back. I don't know how to factor that in.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the question then is bagged. Who brought it back? How many? Did any. How much? Some percentage word problem, I think I'm. Did the whole case come back or was there a sixer offered in the collection basket?

[Brian Bishop]

Did Vondeleur get beer out of the building?

[Adam Carolla]

Out of the Building.

[Brian Bishop]

Did he take beer home like everyone else?

[Allison Rosen]

Did you not hear the beer inquisition.

[Brian Bishop]

For some reason, when he was the first one, Adam asked. I thought there was some still here. That was. I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

He was keeping it in his closet so that it was staying the right temperature for Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's hear Dick Banks, and then we'll. And then we'll have some answers. Getting Rick roll.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the song.

[Adam Carolla]

Good crew was delivered to the show. It's Adam's favorite ipa. The Ace man likes to get his day buzz on. It's perfect for a Saturday. But fondalist Tommy was craving some yummy. His willpower too weak to ignore the whole crew. They jumped in like gang raping aluminum. Took that deer mountain down to the floor in that fruit together with Gary. Half died in that fruit ran most of the crew. They got their attitude and the lesson they learned. Don't ever mess with the Ace man's boobs.

[Brian Bishop]

Inspired MFer.

[Adam Carolla]

MFer. So I got home that night, I sort of quietly wondered to myself, which I rarely do, the quiet part. Yeah, I said, I wonder if anyone's coming back with any beer. I mean, you guys were there, so you can. I didn't command or ask that anyone bring any beer back, but the right.

[Allison Rosen]

Thing to do would have been to.

[Adam Carolla]

Bring the beer back, I think. So now Maxapata is going offering to pay when.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, when you're out to dinner, you make the.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you reach for the wall. Max Apata is going to claim that he sent a text to the guys over at Archer and they went and sent. Brought over a couple cases. So that's got to be. That's got to be worth something. But we're looking at a picture. You can see it amcurl.com look at.

[Allison Rosen]

The pain on your face.

[Adam Carolla]

So they set some. They sent some new stuff over, which is great. But now I'll let you guys guess. Now, first you have to get the culprits. You got Gary, you got Dawson, and you got. Now, to be fair, Jeff Fox claims to be beer positive.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. So it's justified in his mind what he did. Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He claims to be HIV positive. That's what he calls it. It seems macabre and bizarre.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna say. I don't know why you go there.

[Adam Carolla]

And somewhat confusing, but that's on dates.

[Allison Rosen]

It's confusing for him, probably. I feel like you should change up the language.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Raleigh should check that. But that's what he says. And he has brought in enough of his own shit. Where? I recognize being beer positive with Jeff Fox.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a slippery slope.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so now we have Gary, we have Jeff, we have Chris, we have Dawson, we have Matt, Mike Kaelin, Mike Altier.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no way that beer came back.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no way. So now where we. Where are we at?

[Allison Rosen]

I think Gary and Matt brought beer back.

[Adam Carolla]

How much.

[Allison Rosen]

Now? Gary took three cases. Four.

[Adam Carolla]

He took a case.

[Brian Bishop]

A case is 24.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I think he brought half of that back.

[Adam Carolla]

So he brought 12 pack back?

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm gonna guess.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what about the others?

[Brian Bishop]

I think Gary and Kaelin brought it back. That's my guess.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the only one Matt Fondelier doesn't. I mean, sweet as sugar, that guy. I gotta see him. You know I'm gonna see him the next morning.

[Brian Bishop]

That is true.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn it.

[Allison Rosen]

How many did Matt take?

[Adam Carolla]

I think he took a case. It'll just be me and Matt alone in the back of this warehouse for hours on end.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not uncomfortable at all.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that makes me think now he didn't take it. I mean, he didn't bring it back.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't think he brought it back.

[Allison Rosen]

I would have thought he would have, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you didn't before, so so far we just have Gary and Taylor. What about Max of pass?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I think you hit it right away.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so that's squirrelish when it comes to food. Get it in. I got you two cases.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah? Yeah. You sent a text out. Awesome. All right, now. Now I think Dawson only had a 12 pack. Yeah, and I only drank one sixer. And it doesn't fucking matter now, but we don't get much FaceTime. But I was gonna tell you I could do Got a six pack. And I happily bring it back, but who the fuck cares now? Well, don't pout. We're trying to get to the bottom of it. I'm not pouting. It just seems like now I'm saying it because you said something. Well, it does, right? Yeah. All right, I'll drink it. Thanks. All right. Why am I supposed to feel Now I feel bad. Worse for that.

[Brian Bishop]

Good job, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the guy who's not drunk. You should feel sorry for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Not yet.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, John Popper's on the phone.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe he has a thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you guys have any thoughts? I'm going to.

[Brian Bishop]

I made my prediction. I want you guys right back.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. John.

[John Popper]

Hey, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, John.

[John Popper]

Yeah, I'm the guy that had a really great thought last night that, you know, I gotta fly early in the morning, so I've got some friends I gotta see in Clearwater. I'll just stay up all night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Popper]

And now here I am at 6 o' clock at night and you know I'm gonna be really pithy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, John, I want you.

[John Popper]

I'm so sharp right now, I feel like I used tissue.

[Adam Carolla]

I want you to know I play your live version of look around to My Kids that Dawson recorded outdoors in Malibu a year ago. All the. In the car on a loop. And we never stop. And I never stopped enjoying it.

[John Popper]

Thank you so much. And you know what's funny is that Chan got those chords backwards on those verse things on that one. It's a very special version.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Chan, the guitar player, who does not normally play that song. You guys just kind of worked it out on the fly and he played it backwards. And I don't know, Dawson, if you find that and if you listen to the end of the song, it's how I know John Popper's a nice guy. And I'll tell you why. Do you know when you're doing something and someone is doing something wrong and you're on stage, it drives you nuts, like in Dog years. Meaning? Like if you're on stage and your guitar tech, like if he tuned the guitar and then you said to the guitar tech is a guitar tune. And he said, it is absolutely tuned, and then you're playing it and it's not tuned, that 3 1/2 minutes feels like 10 hours. All you can think of is, I want to kill that person.

[Brian Bishop]

Or your glass of Mangria has been empty for 30, 45 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

But, John, you must have gone through this a million times where you said, here's what I want. And then you go out on stage and it's not. And that's all you can think about.

[John Popper]

That's not how you know I'm a nice guy. That's how you know I'm in public.

[Adam Carolla]

No, when it was over. Do you have the last 20 seconds of it? Listen how John says to Chan, you had it backwards. You're gonna have to look around. Thank you. Your head was backwards. She said it in the friendliest. Like, I gotta tell you, it's backwards. But most people be fucking pissed. Like, Frank Sinatra would have busted a bottle Cutty Sark over Chan's head. And he said you had to it backwards. Like he said it in a way that was comical.

[Allison Rosen]

Now what Conversation screwed it all up?

[John Popper]

We're Gonna do it again. Sit there. Listen, everybody. Starting over.

[Adam Carolla]

So by the way, now, I sent. I spoke to John a couple nights ago off the air and I said I want to use one of his songs for my movie. And I sent you over a file, but I'm not sure if you've had a chance to look at it or not.

[John Popper]

No, I've been moving still.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're still moving. Well, when you can, you will, and then you'll see. By the way, he told me he was going to be at the Greek, the Greek Theater out here in LA on August 12th. Sugar Ray, Uncle Cracker, Smash Mouth. I don't remember. I'm trying to remember the Uncle Cracker guys, I can tell you, the Sugar Ray guys and the Smash Mouth guys are the nicest guys on the fucking planet. How is Uncle Cracker? Uh oh, John. Mm mm. Think we lost him. Uh oh, says Uncle Cracker.

[John Popper]

Are you there?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, can you hear me? Something happened. Yeah, there you are.

[John Popper]

I was on a landline to keep from this happening and it fell off the table.

[Adam Carolla]

Smash Mouth. Super nice guys. Sugar Ray. Super nice guys.

[John Popper]

Oh, Uncle Crackers are really nice guys too. I gotta tell you, this has been the funnest tour all of the band we were talking about today. We haven't really found anybody who's an a hole in the entire show.

[Adam Carolla]

That is nice. It is nice when dudes mellow too. Like, dudes mellow. Women get crazier, but as time wears on. But guys mellow out. Like they just get fat and bald and they go, oh, fuck it. There was a time when we would be fighting and drunk and we just.

[John Popper]

Have a ball in between Orbus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So how does it go, by the way? I mean, I'm. I'm assuming Blues Travelers, sort of, because.

[John Popper]

They'Ve had their fun when they're younger. And then some guys bloom with age. Yeah, I'm sort of in that category.

[Adam Carolla]

Does Staying Up All Night does Blues Traveler. Do you guys headline, for lack of a better term?

[John Popper]

Oh, we take turns.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[John Popper]

You know, sometimes Smash Mouth does sometimes. And sometimes we do.

[Adam Carolla]

That's very interesting. And do you want to headline or is it sort of a burden? Almost.

[John Popper]

The dream spot is the spot right before the end. Because then nobody's leaving, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Popper]

Nobody's going to look for their car. If there's like one more band, you're like, well, let's check out the last band at least.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I gotta tell you, in terms of demoralizing, we used to play the Dodger celebrity softball game. And they used to schedule it for before the game. So it'd be a one o' clock start of the game. So the game would start at 11:30 in the morning or something. And you'd see people filing in. By the time you got to the seventh or eighth inning, the stadium was starting to fill up. The last year I did it, they did it after the game. So you get to watch 40,000 people file out as you're starting your game out on the Dodger Stadium. It's counterintuitive. It's a weird thing. Like they were starting everyone. Yes, we're all filing out. There'll be. There'll be 1100 of us left after the 39,000 file out of here.

[John Popper]

Sometimes when they have the Post show, like, we've done some gigs where, like, you're playing after the show and then you just see how, like, they really came to see the team play.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Popper]

See the stadium get a little lighter.

[Adam Carolla]

So you guys are out and like I said, Greek Theater, which is just a great venue out here in Southern California.

[John Popper]

Yeah, every band on this tour can really play. But, you know, the exciting thing that's happening to us is going to be this fall we start to release this album where we went out with 15 different bands and we would go find these people. It was like big game hunting. You'd fly to where they are, you'd write a song with them, you'd record it, and then you'd move them on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Popper]

And I mean, 303 Thompson Square, dirty Heads. I think we got Jewel on one Secondhand Serenade. We got Hanson for a tune.

[Adam Carolla]

We love Hanson over here. They're on that compilation album that Dawson made for me.

[John Popper]

It's just so many weird bands that aren't like us. And when you write with them, all these bands are like, you know what's cool about you guys? And we don't know what's cool about us. And so when you're working with people that are different, they show you cool stuff about you you didn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I love about John Popper and Blues Traveler. So just into the craft. And I must say, the one time I went to Red Rock or Red Rocks, I just went during the day and just to check it out. Just sort of on the way home from the Coors Factory and I was thinking about Blues Traveler playing Red Rocks and I just thought, wow, wow, what an event. I mean, what is that your favorite venue?

[John Popper]

Yeah, I think we've done 21 of those in a Row.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah, wow. It's such an unbelievable setting. Ever been there?

[Brian Bishop]

I have not.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison, you been there?

[Allison Rosen]

I have. A long, long time ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Who'd you see?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I just went there with my brother because he lived around there.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. I had my pilgrimage ruined by people who are exercising. They were running up the stairs.

[John Popper]

Yeah, running up the stairs. You always want to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a nice buzz going from the Coors factory. And there's nothing worse than your daytime buzz. Your Mel being harshed by people just running.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like there should be someone running in a circle and a slash through it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. There shouldn't be fucking everywhere. There's one thing worse.

[John Popper]

I remember years ago, somebody was eating ass and he tried to climb out on the red rocks and they never did identify because you land on his head.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[John Popper]

Don't eat acid if you're on the red rocks.

[Adam Carolla]

I know it sounds cliche, like Grandpa used to say. All right, so it is coming up under the sun is the concert. It's at the Greek. And it is out here in Los Angeles. Obviously, that is August 12th. I'm going to try and do my best to be there, John, because I love everyone on the venue. And I shall say hi to you in person on August 12th. Smash mouth and Sugar Ray and Uncle Cracker also, as well, the website bluestraveler.com. all right, John, thanks so much, buddy.

[John Popper]

Thanks, you guys. Thanks for having me. I love you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Love you. I called him a few nights ago and I just said, I want to use one of your songs for my movie. And he said, yeah, whatever you want. Anything for you. I just fucking love guys like John Popper.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you mention that Dickie was trying to get a hold of him, too?

[Adam Carolla]

Three years ago? I forgot.

[Brian Bishop]

The time is here.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, do we have. All right, let me give a little love to one of our sponsors. And then you guys write down the names of all the people who walked with the beer. And then I think we can.

[Allison Rosen]

You mean the people who brought it back.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. Write down the names. All the people who walked with the beer. And then you can figure out. I can tell you it was a case for everyone but Dawson Kalin and Jeff Fox, I believe.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Chris only took three six packs. He's a saint.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a lot of strength.

[Adam Carolla]

Just trying to make it accurate. Boss is just because these little arms couldn't carry anymore. I think he had a Danish in the extra spot. He had some of my food in his pocket. Taking up a room Extra spot in the case. All right. Ah, Reverie bed. Oh, let me tell you, man, last night I had a great time. Wife was out hanging with Nils Lofgren. I was. Swear to God, everyone's happy. I know. I was in bed. I was in my Reverie bed and I was with my kids and we were raising it up and tilting it into like full hospital mode and putting it the vibrator thing going on it just laughing and screwing around and just having the time of our lives. They got the patent and DreamCell technology. You customize your bed. It's a micro targeted system. It is unbelievable. Ionica said you can finally be that winner who's up while the wife's laying down sleeping happy in the commercial. 888-888-5990. That's 888-88855 or you can visit them online. SleepLikeAdam.com try it for 101 nights. No risk trial. If you don't love it, I'll give it back for full refund. But every day you will use this. It will change your life. And the only thing I can say is if you don't get with the Reverie bed every day that goes by without you, the joke is on you. You're letting it slip by. Hop on it. You'll never go back. All right, what do you guys got?

[Allison Rosen]

Matt is the real question mark for me because I would have guessed that he brought it back, but based on your. The way you were talking about it, I think that he didn't. I think Gary brought back three six packs.

[Brian Bishop]

I had the same thing because I.

[Allison Rosen]

Think that he might have already started one of the six packs and then I could. Or maybe he brought back an incomplete six pack, but I think he brought back at least three. I don't think Chris brought any back. We know Dawson didn't bring any back. I think Kalin brought maybe brought back one six pack. Jeff. I don't think brought back any, although. But I, I'm very uncertain because h.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd be positive, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but I feel like he would if you asked him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, absolutely. I think everyone would have done that.

[Brian Bishop]

I have Gary and Kalin bringing back the majority of their beer. I don't know what that means, but let's just say 18, let's say three six packs each.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, no, but Kalin only only had, I think two six packs.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he only had 12 cans, four.

[Adam Carolla]

Roommates, only had a case and a half to get by on, and it was a Two day week. Oh, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe they have no beer share relationship.

[Brian Bishop]

Although they kept six beers between because again, they live together. That's a bit of peer pressure on each other. And I didn't think Chris would bring back any, but I'll just say six because I got to spread it around.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we got all the names.

[Brian Bishop]

Chris brings back a six pack.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone you didn't mention brought back nothing. That's what I'm saying. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

LTR is the only one we didn't mention. Yeah, zero for everyone else. Was he here for the. For that?

[Adam Carolla]

He was here for that.

[Allison Rosen]

For the tirade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, that's why he's on the. Everyone on the list is on the list.

[Allison Rosen]

How much did Altier take again?

[Adam Carolla]

Otherwise it'd be wildly unfair to make Altier if he was homesick or something. Yeah, you have to have. The list has to only be comprised of people who took beer away and thus they are capable of bringing it back.

[Brian Bishop]

Dr. Bruce bought back no beer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So he's in the doghouse.

[Allison Rosen]

I still don't think I'll tear Brittany back.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd love to try this beer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

So I hear.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. To the best of my knowledge, there is only one gentleman, and I use that term loosely. There's only one individual who brought the beer back, and that individual was Mike Altier. What?

[Allison Rosen]

I feel so bad I misjudged him.

[Adam Carolla]

Could you guys be wrong?

[Brian Bishop]

No. I dismissed him out of hand.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm steeping in my own wrong juices.

[Adam Carolla]

He brought home. He brought back. I believe he brought back the entire case.

[Brian Bishop]

What a guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow. Heroiny Glick. And I said to him, I said to him that now, Matt, anybody can correct me if I need to be corrected. This is to the best of my knowledge. And I said to him, well, Mike, as I'm fond of saying, noted. And the noted is a two way street. Because when you take the beer. Noted. And when you bring it back noted.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's like a military school. There's demerits and credits.

[Adam Carolla]

I just note everything is noted. For me, there's good noted. There's bad noted. And it's noted.

[Allison Rosen]

But now Brian and I are unnoted. Where does that stand versus a note?

[Adam Carolla]

And you're with Dr. Bruce. This is a battle. No, what I mean is you're Switzerland here. You're taking this one. You're taking this war off. All right, so I then I think gave him two six packs back and just took the two I wanted out of the out of what he brought. So he ended up getting his 12 pack and noted. Now, is this the behavior of people that are frightened? That's a. I forgot.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how this.

[Brian Bishop]

I do think about that. I forgot about that, too.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe they're so frightened that they're petrified into inaction after the action of taking the beer.

[Adam Carolla]

Liquid courage. Yeah, I don't care. I just thought it was. I just thought when I got home, I thought, I wonder who's bringing it back. And then I thought, I wonder how this will shake out. Interesting that you guys were as far off as we could get.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, now, if you had been guessing ahead of time, who would have brought it back? Who did you have your bets on?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, because they thought about it the night before.

[Adam Carolla]

I did not do any specific beer attached to any face. I just went.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, dear Jesus, if you have a heart, please make beer show up.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you know, actually, I didn't think about it at all. And then at some point later that night, I thought, oh, I wonder if anyone's returning beer after the big deal we made out of it. And then I thought, I don't think they're returning beer. And then I thought, I think they should return beer. Not that I need the beer more. That is the gesture. And then, by the way, I would probably tell them to take it and keep it. But then I thought, but I didn't break it down into who would do what. I wouldn't have Altier at the top of my list.

[Brian Bishop]

No one does.

[Adam Carolla]

But he's been around, I think, for enough fireside speeches that gone on in the back by the sofa there. My noted speeches that evidently he noted him all right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I think the reason he was low on my list is because I don't remember seeing his face when he wasn't here. So I didn't judge how much he was.

[Brian Bishop]

It's always the quiet ones.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, should we do a little now? By the way, the good news is, with Mike Altier doing what he did, nobody gets any demerit points. He just gets. He just gets a star on the side of his helmet.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, he gets the buckeye. He gets the tomahawk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

College ball, Florida State.

[Adam Carolla]

Otherwise, it would have been demerits and then some. But now, the way it worked out.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm staring into the faces of guys who just heard great news.

[Adam Carolla]

No, these guys know I don't really give a shit. But it was a nice move on Altier's part.

[Allison Rosen]

Mike Altier, sleep with Two eyes open.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do a little Baldiwood. Should we? Shan't we? Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit. Transformers to hooray for bounty war.

[Brian Bishop]

Guardians of the Galaxy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Directed by our own James Gunn. I say our own because he's been a guest couple times.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Real sweet guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Very sweet guy.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'd not co written as well.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, correct. I don't think I had seen any of his films before this. I'm not a horror movie guy. So Slither didn't really. It wasn't my wheelhouse and I just don't like horror movies and. But it's like, you know, it's like the thing where you don't ask the critics review movies you know, he doesn't like. It's like I would never.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Do a Baldiwood on horror movies because I just don't like them. So. James Gunn. This is the first movie that I've seen Guardians of the Galaxy starring Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel voiceover. Bradley Cooper, voiceover. We'll get to that in a second. Michael Rooker, Jimon Honsoo, whatever. John C. Reilly, Glenn Close, and Benicio Del Toro is in this. So the story is basically sort of. You guys seen the trailers, the commercials and everything. A group of sort of intergalactic misfits have to find this magical orb that is a tremendous amount of power and someone's chasing after it and they got to get to it first. They're an unlikely band of heroes. And 92% of rotten tomatoes people are really responding to this. I loved it. This is a great movie. If I can describe it in one word, fun. This is a really fun movie. And the tone is perfect. James Gunn nailed this movie.

[Adam Carolla]

My God. As I last I said to him, probably off the air. I said, well, or on the air. I came. I hope it's not too successful. We'll Never see again. 100 million or $94 million weekend at the box office. Destroyed every. Every record from August. I mean. And he said, because he's a good guy. He said, no, you guys were with me from the early years, the lean years.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but he can write his ticket now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, co written and directed and breaks every box office record for an August opening. And this thing, I mean, it's at $100 million today, internationally. I mean, look out world.

[Brian Bishop]

You see, usually these big action movies, they drop off like 50% or more in their second week just because people have seen it and they kind of dismissed it. This is a movie that's gonna have legs. This is gonna earn a shitload of money. It's only gonna drop off on the box office. 40%, 30 something percent. The word of mouth is gonna be tremendous. When I was in the theater, so I liked it a lot. As you can tell, Christie loved it. We went to see it together. And this is not her kind of movie. She's not a superhero, comic book movie kind of person. She loved it. She was laughing out loud, the whole audience, raucous laughter. This is a legitimate comedy. Like, right. Usually these movies try to have some funny moments and then they try to have some awesome moments and they just kind of, they end up in between and it doesn't quite work. This movie is a legitimate, you know, superhero, sci fi, all that stuff. Funny movie, really funny, laugh out loud comedy. Maybe the funnier, funniest movie I've seen this summer. Come to think, I didn't think about till just now, but really funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, James Gunn and I used to bond over cute animal pics. What if he's too busy to do that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they gotta be raccoons. Now. The thing, it's a sad state of affairs comedically when like the funniest movie of the year is like Pulp Fiction because it literally had the most out loud laughs in it. Even though all the comedies didn't garner as many laughs there are, I feel like that happens. Like, I feel like I've probably laughed out loud at Goodfellas more than I've laughed in most comedies. And when Pesci's telling him to get his shine box and Spider and everything and the whole nine yards, like this is like, not that, but it's that and that it's not a comedy. And yet there's tons of laughs.

[Brian Bishop]

And legitimately, you'll be laughing legitimately. And who would have guessed that Chris Pratt would end up starring in the two most fun movies of the summer? The Lego Movie.

[Adam Carolla]

The Lego Movie in this one. And then what about Vin Diesel?

[Brian Bishop]

VO That's a funny thing because Vin Diesel, he has a kick ass agent because he literally says three words, the same three words throughout the whole film. That's kind of a running joke, but could have gotten anybody to play that part. Vin Diesel is neither here nor there. However, Bradley Cooper as the voiceover of the soul Rock Rocket, the Raccoon is tremendous. I never. I kept listening, is that Bradley Cooper? I'm not hearing Bradley Cooper. He literally did a voiceover performance. A lot of the times, these voiceovers, if you're playing, I don't know, a cop donut or something, you're just kind of doing your own voice, for example. But he was like, he did a performance. He nailed it and actually did a voice performance. I didn't know. I couldn't tell it was him. I knew from the credits, but I couldn't tell it was him.

[Allison Rosen]

Him.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair to me, I didn't.

[Allison Rosen]

Have a taxi cab and Wizards of Waver the place. And I was blown away when I saw the credits because I believed it was a cab.

[Adam Carolla]

I went and drove around with a New York cab driver for four weeks before I got into that, by the.

[Allison Rosen]

Way, I could hear it.

[Adam Carolla]

I watched that episode yesterday with my daughter, who's not a fan, but said to me, you know, you're the voice of a cab in the wizard of Waverly Place. And I was like, yeah, I do remember doing something for that at some point, like about eight years ago. And she's like, did you work with Selena Gomez? And I was like, no. The cab and her did not share scenes. I was not underneath the seat of the cab. But I've never seen it. And it's one of those things where it sounds corny, but as the parent, you know, my kids, they don't listen to podcasts, they don't read any books, they don't see me doing any stand up. They don't. They don't. They don't really know what I do other than mule money back to really maintain their lifestyle. I'm just a mule who brings in juice boxes and pool toys. But every once in a blue moon, they get to see something and go, hey, hey. And it's so funny that being the voice of the cab and the wizard of Waverly Place is a much bigger deal than being on the New York Times bestseller list to my daughter at this particular time. At some point, hopefully, she won't be.

[Brian Bishop]

The tide may turn someday.

[Adam Carolla]

May. So Bradley Cooper was a real voiceover performance.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, a lot of times, just the voice. He was another character who I could not tell it was him until, you know, I was like, that's Bradley Cooper, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Was he putting on a voice?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, no, he was doing like a full on, you know, sort of very Bronx ish New York accent. He's a, you know, streetwise raccoon or whatever. Nailed it. Anyway, there's a great movie. I loved it.

[John Popper]

It.

[Brian Bishop]

And the best compliment I can give it is, I can't wait to see it again. This is an A. I loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, LifeLock Ultimate Plus. That's right. You didn't think it could get better than Lifelock Ultimate? Well, now it did, because there's a plus attached to it. Nobody can stop identity thieves. They're moving all the time. They're experts. They're coverts. They work in the shadows, man. Allison, what do you got?

[Allison Rosen]

It's just crazy, the scope of this. Like one third of New York residents were data breach victims in 2013. So secure data of 7.3 million out of roughly 20 million New Yorkers was breached in 2013, breaching also the record for the highest number of information attacks per year in the state. Private and public institutions in New York were hit by an unprecedented 900 data breaches exposing personal financial information last year costing 1.37 billion with an M. With a B. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this just like it sounds. There used to be crime and the crime's not around anymore. Like, everyone would get their car stereo stolen. I'd see people with their windows busted. I'd see people had signs on their car like, stereo already stolen. Thank you very much.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't waste your time.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't waste your time. I'd see people walking through the mall holding their car stereo that they pulled out and then they left at the Cheesecake Factory and it got stolen.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, detachable faces. I forgot about those.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the whole unit. There's the whole unit pulled out and then there's a detachable face. By the way, can I say this? If you're going to put a stereo, an all push button stereo in a limousine and you're going to put it up top and it's dark, don't put the detachable face one there. Because when Ace man's got a buzz going and he's trying to turn off the electronic music and he's pushing every button he can and there's no volume knob and he hits one button and the thing flies out and lands in his daiquiri, that's not what we want in a detachable face. Avoid that. Avoid that. So the point is, there was crime that's not really around anymore. When's the last time you or anyone you know got their car stereo stolen? Ah, but have criminals gone away? No, they moved on to other things. They adapted and they got technology, lifelock, Ultimate. Ultimate. Plus. That's what you need because they're coming after you, man. Protects your identity. And we use it here, you use it there. That's it. Don't say I didn't warn you. LifeLock Ultimate Plus Dawson visit LifeLog.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership. That's promo code Adam LifeLock.com to get our special 10 discount. LifeLock.com network does not cover all transactions. Righty. That's Steve Hofstadter is here. Comedian is in the movie also. He's the guy doing the new TV show that you've seen many commercials for. I think it's a stand up show. We'll talk to him about that right after this. Laughs is the name of the show. New episodes available on Saturday nights most times midnight on Fox. And Steve Hofstadters are here as well. Steve did the movie, won the competitions, been on the show before. And so nice to look up and see you on all these spots.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Well, thank you. And Allison, Allison's in one of the promos.

[Adam Carolla]

I am the viral. I didn't. Well, wait, I didn't see the promo. I didn't see Allison on the promo. I only saw the one where you asked the executive, can I have the permission to do a show? And he said for no money. And he said fine. And it was funny. That's the only one I've seen so far.

[Steve Hofstadter]

They're rolling them out one at a time, but Alison will be in one of them.

[Adam Carolla]

So how's the format work?

[Steve Hofstadter]

So it's a stand up clip show because people have no attention span now, right. So it's, you know, the longest clip you'll ever see on the show is probably a minute and a half. And so we call it a highlight reel. It's basically the best of stand up sets. And we'll show like Vines and Reddit and tweets from comedians as well. But the basic idea is to try to break comics that haven't been on TV yet. There are also some old favorites, but you know, a lot of it's new people.

[Adam Carolla]

It's absolutely amazing that, like when I did this movie, we got a bunch of comedians to get up there and do bits and you're like looking at these guys you never heard of before and laughing, going. The one guy, I can't remember his name, but he was doing the 12 Years a Slave bit and he said, it sounds horrible, but to the people that were slaves for 60 years, they got to be going, what the fuck? You got off easy. Yeah, it's like an afternoon.

[Steve Hofstadter]

It's amazing to see.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're laughing your ass off at this kid who's 25 doing this bit. And you're like, oh, yeah, that's great stuff. And then you think, oh, no, this is going on all over the place. All we gotta do is capture it. Show it on Fox on Saturday night.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Well, the. The best thing about it is that since we're only showing a minute and a half, there are plenty of comics who have, like a minute and a half of gold, and then good luck doing two.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Steve Hofstadter]

So we'll be able to capture that and just show the best parts of their stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's smart, because there's a million guys who have a killer minute and a half, and then there's 10 guys who have a killer 90 minutes. But we don't need the 90 minutes. We'll just take the minute and a half.

[Steve Hofstadter]

There's also. There's no. No one's living in a house together. There's no contest moment. No one's arguing about who ate whose peanut butter.

[Adam Carolla]

Stand up show. Steve, you're diabolical because Byron Allen, who's getting the band back together for Comics Unleashed.

[Allison Rosen]

Is he really?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, they're airing new episodes.

[Adam Carolla]

They used to contact me all the time and go, hey, wanna do Comics Unleashed? And I'd go, I don't. I don't have any. I'm not a comedian. Like, I don't have an act. And they'd go, ah, we'll just come down, hang out. And then I'd come out and I'd watch the comedians do their act. Like, he'd say, hey, dat win. Or is it dat fan? Why not both? Linebacker fan.

[Brian Bishop]

The Cowboys. Huge.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, but he's got a great win. Dat fan.

[Brian Bishop]

He has a tight 10. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What's it going on? What's going. What's it like growing up in a big family? You know? And then he do his.

[Brian Bishop]

His bit and tell me about Jerry Jones.

[Adam Carolla]

I would end up doing. I would glom onto everyone's bit and finish their bit for them, but I didn't have a bit for myself. But.

[Allison Rosen]

And you're probably funnier, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Most time, yes. And I would also always leave. I know it's a super douchey thing to think, but I would, like, leave and I'd go, I was funnier than that dude. And I was doing his bit. And I don't even know what his.

[Allison Rosen]

Bit was, but there's something about. And I don't know if you guys. Shiva's Opinion. But there's something about that particular setting of people sitting around as if they're having a conversation but then doing their bit that it never came off that funny. That's why I think you're naturally funny. And just being off the cuff, that would work a lot better.

[Adam Carolla]

It did because it was more organic. And yeah, it is weird to sit around and it's like a prepared statement and you're Al Qaeda and I'll hold the camera. Like it's a little forced and it's weird. But Byron Allen figured out pretty early, what the fuck am I busting my hump writing jokes for? I'll just get new comedians for free to gather around. They'll get their exposure and they'll just do their bits and I'll just sit in between them. Just sort of traffic copying it.

[Steve Hofstadter]

I still got to do five minutes an episode. Like I do bits in between everybody, right? So I got to do intro stuff. And a lot of what I do is ad lib though, because it's exactly what you were saying. Like I've done radio before where the intro, they'll say like, hey, do you want to set it? You want me to set you up for anything? And I'll be like, well, yeah, you know, I was just touring in Wyoming and it was kind of funny. Ask me about traveling on the road and they'll be like, so I hear you were touring in Wyoming. I'm like, who did you hear that from? Like, why would you set up that specifically in artificial. And I try to just be like, why don't you just talk to me like a human being and maybe I'll say something funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, the problem is the batting average on Come on out and say whatever you want isn't always great. So we, I mean, it's sort of. Comedians suffer from the same. It's the same thing of why you don't get to actually hold an actual beer bottle in a stadium. Too many people have chucked them out on the field, too many umpires have gotten concuss, and now we're all drinking out of plastic bottles and styrofoam cups. Too many comedians have done the don't worry about the prep. I don't need the pre interview. I like to just wing it. Shot of Stoli helps loosen me up. And then gone up there and done nothing for the producers of the world. Not to overproduce everyone.

[Steve Hofstadter]

But then it hurts those of us that do ad lib because like, and I've seen it happen. Like I was I'd stop by an open mic where this guy was up there and he wrote. He had written no jokes whatsoever. And he's just going up there being like, so, oh, this thing happened. And what the. And he got to absolutely nowhere with the punchline. And then he just goes, man, this crowd sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's good. Yeah, that's the way to win him over.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, exactly. It's like the Louis CK Line. Like, no, you suck the. You know, the crowd's fine around you. Like, you suck around the crowd, right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, there's a thing that I think a lot of people have in life, and I don't think it's an interesting. It's interesting if you break it down sort of culturally. I don't feel like Jews suffer from this, but Gentiles. Gentiles and a lot of other Jews and Asians do not suffer from this. But there's a lot of cultures that sort of think I include myself in that group. Group. Like, I was going to get up on stage, I was going to grab that mic, and something was going to happen. But when nothing happens, you think to yourself, of course nothing's happening. I didn't have anything planned. Like, the sort of. What I'm saying is we laughed about going out on auditions and not reading any of the material beforehand. And then at some point, you don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Want to seem like you want it.

[Adam Carolla]

Too bad at some point or are.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Good at it at some point.

[Adam Carolla]

You're standing up in front of a group of people who are judging you, and you're looking down at a page of words you've never really looked at before, and you're fumbling through them and you're like, what did I think was gonna happen? Obviously, I did not commit this to memory. Now I'm sucking. Reading this in front of everyone for the first time. Why did I think it would go? I went to high school with a bunch of guys that were like, that test is gonna come around Monday and I'm gonna be ready to go. And it's like, no, you're not. You didn't do any preparation. Why would you excel at this? Why would you do this?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Well, you need the casting director. You need to just be like, well, this is the first time I've looked at it, so how good was it for that? Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I should qualify it.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying there's a lot of comedians who I think are funny guys, so called funny guys. They feel like they're gonna get up, they're gonna grab the mic and something magical's gonna happen.

[Allison Rosen]

It doesn't happen because really good comedians are able to make their material seem so off the cuff that people buy into that, not realizing how many times they perform that probably, yeah, it's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's like when magicians are seamless, we don't all sit home going, well, fuck, I could do that. But when comedians are seamless, you go, the guy's just up there having a conversation. People are laughing.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Seinfeld said it really well, that comedian's the only job where there's no title increase from, like, the first day you're a comedian. And then 60 years in, you're still just. There's no executive comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Steve Hofstadter]

There's no, like president comedian. Like, it's just. You just say the same thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Should be the title. Your next album.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, comedian. You just have little buttoned up and everything.

[Adam Carolla]

So the show again Saturday nights, but syndicated, so check your times.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, and it also re airs Sundays on my net, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there you go.

[Allison Rosen]

So how does it work for comedians who want to be on?

[Steve Hofstadter]

They just have to be nice to me, pretty much kiss my ass a little bit. No, it's. You can actually submit a filmed clip already, if you have one, because there are so many comedians and so many clubs that are filming great content every day. So you can go, it's laughstvshow.com and you could actually just submit your clip. And if we really like it, we usually air one or two of those an episode. So even people that we have no idea who they are, if it's just a really good clip, put it on. There's no barrier of entry. There's no, like, executive who has to be like, well, I don't know, I haven't heard of this guy. So clearly he's terrible. Like, you don't have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the worst man. You hear about these stories of the guys. Even Mike August does this. But, you know, for Jimmy's show sometimes. But the guys who are trying to get on the Tonight show and they go do a set at the improv and then they come back and do another set and then there's a note session and then a year later, there's another set and then there's another note session. And the note session, it's sort of the note session with comedians is a diminishing return. Explain the thing in the note session. Well, it's like, look, we liked your bit. We like the beginning bit, but we didn't like the middle bit. But the end bit was A little blue. So, yeah, if we could clean it up. The booker's giving the booker. Yeah, but I won't go. But you're close. You're getting close. You're getting close. And then you go back and you watch a person six months later. And now they got further away because they took all your notes and tried to sort of inorganically shove them into their bit, you know, and then they have the next bit. Now the person is freaked out because they're really close before. And then they tell them you think you're taking a step backwards, but it's sort of like. It's like a blowjob. Just get a blowjob, sweetie. Just be enthusiastic. If you want to dazzle me with a Mentos, that's fine, but I'm not going to be coaching you up every second. You know what I mean? I'm not going to keep telling you how to get better at the blow job. I just want you to kind of do it with your own enthusiasm. Make it your blowjob. Make it your own own. Your blowjob.

[Allison Rosen]

So one day you can do a blowjob on Letterman or just say, like, or two.

[Adam Carolla]

Why keep coaching? Like, at a certain point, either the person's gonna give a blowjob or they can't give a blowjob. But let's not keep. Keep coaching.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Well, the worst part of it, and, you know, I'm happy to be because I'm executive producing it, too, and I'm a comic, and so I'm able to have the comic's eye of what will work and what won't. The worst part is having someone who's never done stand up before come up to you and be like, you know, this joke you have that's been working perfectly for the last two years.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Well, here's my input on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Steve Hofstadter]

I have no experience.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Steve Hofstadter]

I have no way of knowing if this is going to work. But you're going to have to do this if you want to be on my TV show.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, here's my input. It based loosely on the fact that I'm forced to give input. Yeah.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Here's my justification of my job.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing wrong with it, but look, if you saw Guardians of the Universe or Galaxy, that one was good, too. Yeah. That'll be the sequel. If they were. If at the end you were forced to sit down with James Gunn and give him notes, you'd have to say something. You would have a bunch of notes. I don't know if it'd make it better or worse, but you just would have notes.

[Steve Hofstadter]

I think the raccoon should have had a more of a Jewish Brooklyn accent.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. A little more nebbish. A little more self conscious.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Much more likable.

[Allison Rosen]

A common interview question in magazines, at least. I don't know if every field has this, but one of the first questions I was always asked on an interviewing for magazine jobs is, what would you change? And I'd have to come up with something. And then it fills the editor in chief's head with things that they should change when really there's nothing that needs to be changed.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just.

[Allison Rosen]

They're just gauging.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what I'm going through my movie and listening to score. Now, there's certain stuff. It's needle drop. And certain stuff is stuff that they own. Songs they own and some of the stuff. Songs you've heard of. And then there's score. We're putting score in here. They sit and compose and it's kind of. It's really an interesting skill. They watch the scene and they play the keyboards and what have you. But you watch a bunch of these scenes and they go, here's the score. Here's what they score. Now, what would you like? What would you like? And I kind of look at it. Most of the time I just go, it looks good. Like it seems. Looks like a movie. It seems like the guy knew what he was doing. And they're like, yeah, but what are your notes? We got to give them feedback on their score. It's a little slow, a little morose. You want to speed it up a little. Does it not feel like it goes with the visual? Blah, blah, blah. And I looked at seven scenes that were scored, and on four of them I just. I don't have notes well, because I don't feel like I need to give notes.

[Steve Hofstadter]

If you knew how to score it, you would have scored it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I also know what I like and know what I don't like. And this seems good.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I could give you notes, but it would just be for the sake of giving you notes. And then you would give me something that may or may not be as good as this. I remember once the lesson I learned pretty clearly, slightly off topic, but pretty much in the same park. Just that we're over at the softball field and not playing soccer or handball. But we had a director at the man show once who was good, but he wasn't great, like a field director. And I like this guy But Daniel, who is one of our executive producers or one of our three guys, he kept saying, I think we could do better. I think we could do better. And I kept saying, yeah, we could probably do better, but better guys are usually employed, number one, so they're hard to find. And number two, we got a good seven in the hand versus the nine and a half in the bush that we may not ever find. And he kept saying, I think we could do better. Don't you want to do better? And I said, yeah, I always want to do better. But let's be prudent here. I'm out doing all. I direct these bits anyway, when we go out and do them. This guy, ironically did Daniel's favorite bit of the previous year was a weird compliment where he went, well, that was all you. And I was like, well, thank you very much. But anyway, I said, we got Pete now is his name, and I don't know that we're going to do better. And he said, we can do better. And we spent the entire year trying to do better and never doing better.

[Allison Rosen]

Did Pete know this?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Does he now?

[Adam Carolla]

He does now. Trying to interview people, trying to see people saying, oh, that guy didn't work out. Well, let's bring on the next one. And we just spent a whole year and a bunch of calories trying to do better, and we really never did. So sometimes there's just different, but it's just for the sake of being different. And sometimes you have to just sort of step back and go, look, look, that's not the way I would tell the joke. But it's not my joke. It's their joke. That's them. Let me do it their way.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Like when you were younger, would you stay in a relationship with that same thought process?

[Adam Carolla]

I was fucking Pete. Yeah, if that's what you're asking.

[Steve Hofstadter]

That is exactly what I'm asking.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember the whole blowjob thing? Yeah, that was Pete I was talking about. Yeah.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Pete didn't worship. That's why he kept his job.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not saying, hey, everyone in life, compromise. I'm just saying you're not an expert at sometimes in directing or scoring a movie, you know what you like, you know what you don't like. But don't feel like you have to weigh in all the time. Like when you. Now you get. You get makeup put on you, right. So you don't look clear, right?

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you'll sit down and the makeup artist will always go, make me look like a black guy. It's great. The Makeup artist always goes, what do you want? What do you like? What do you like? What do you want? And I just got go just whatever you do, you're the makeup expert. I don't know anything about makeup. Just do what you do and I'll assume you know a hell of a lot more about makeup than I know.

[Steve Hofstadter]

The greatest phone call I have gotten in my life thus far was the president of Fox Television called me like as we're, you know, in production and he said, we hired you to do the show that you want to do, so don't make a safe show. Do that show and we'll see how it goes.

[Adam Carolla]

And where has he been my whole life?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, I'm canceling me in three weeks. But for now, for now, it's going great.

[Adam Carolla]

Should we do a little news? Some of your news? Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, let's, let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it up with zip it can't. Italian.

[Allison Rosen]

A magnitude 6.3 earthquake struck southwestern China on Sunday, killing at least 367 people and leaving 1,881 injured in a remote area of the Yunnan province. And it caused thousands of buildings, including a school, to collapse. And this region is struck frequently by earthquakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Seem I'm looking at a lot of unreinforced masonry that have fallen over. I feel like if you're gonna get struck a lot, you gotta step it up a little with some rebar and a couple of building codes. There is a way, because I used to do this work for a living. There's a way to do building where 6.3 is nothing and then there's a way to do it where it's devastating. Out here in California, 6.3, no big deal, because it's a lot. Plywood and wood and straps and two by fours and bolting down to the foundation and reinforced masonry, meaning there's rebar running through said masonry versus. Ooh, I just thought of it. I always tell people, look, take a piece of matzah. Allison, do you have any on you?

[Allison Rosen]

Steve?

[Adam Carolla]

Steve, do you have matzah with you or is it in the car?

[Steve Hofstadter]

It's in the car, unfortunately.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I have a couple matzah balls in my bra.

[Adam Carolla]

None on you?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, picture.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Have it for the meeting later.

[Adam Carolla]

Picture. Pizza, matzah, like a house, you know, four Walls and a roof. It's just made of matzah. And now imagine just how brittle is.

[Steve Hofstadter]

That cream cheese on it?

[Adam Carolla]

That would be. Smear shmear how brittle that would be. Now imagine. Brian, do you have any Red Vines?

[Brian Bishop]

I can get some food at his people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get some Red Vines.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks for not saying Twizzlers.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine if you took the red vines and you put them between the two pieces of matzah and then the matzo would still break, but it wouldn't snap. It wouldn't be catastrophic. It would crack, but it wouldn't come undone because the red vines are hanging.

[Allison Rosen]

Onto the red vine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The red vine would flex inside of it and keep it from sliding off and hitting the soup bowl.

[Steve Hofstadter]

But have you ever. Have you ever tried to break a piece of matzah?

[Adam Carolla]

The other direction, the direction it didn't want to go? Yeah.

[Steve Hofstadter]

There is a. I don't think you can do it.

[Adam Carolla]

There is. There's a direction to Mazda. I mean Mazda.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Mazda's also. Mazda's also break in the middle tires.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually.

[Allison Rosen]

There's Jewish north.

[Adam Carolla]

There is.

[Steve Hofstadter]

There's a. I know that got a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Try to turn it. Try to turn it 90 degrees. Try to break it. It'll just be a big mess. That's what happened in China during this earthquake.

[Adam Carolla]

Full circle.

[Matt Walsh]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So reinforced is what you need in masonry. Unreinforced is bad times. But what we do is we do a bunch of two by fours and then we put a piece of plywood on the outside of it and then we nail the shit out of the plywood. And you could imagine trying to tear a half inch piece of plywood off of a bunch of two by fours where they nailed the shit out of it. And then we put a bunch of straps on everything and it doesn't go anywhere.

[Steve Hofstadter]

How remote of an area is it that a thousand buildings were destroyed?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like China has a billion people living in the remotest part of wherever it is.

[Steve Hofstadter]

So remote to them is like Philadelphia, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I don't need the province part anymore. I'll do the math on that. China. I feel like everything is a whatever province.

[Allison Rosen]

Same with Canada.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't need that either.

[Allison Rosen]

You're not done with your provinces? Question. Daniel has a thing about bricks. Like any house made of bricks. He's like. He would steer clear of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And my hunch is always no. I think that's probably a brick facade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. There's no houses out. Well, how many houses out here must be made of bricks. Not very many.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the old apartment buildings I used to do the rehab, the earthquake rehab on, were brick through and through all the way up to the like, fifth story. So I would ask what year it's from. If it's from the 60s, it's a facade. If it's from the 20s or the 30s. 30s, that's brick through and through. And that's what comes down. And that's why when we have earthquakes out here, the chimney busts off and slides down the roof. When I back in the big one in 72, the chimney busted off of our old house, and it just slid right off the house into the neighbor's yard. And by the way, I never thought about it, but that was the last chimney we ever had. Like, why ever fix the chimney? Whenever a piece of plywood got put up there and like some tar got painted on there. Yeah, we never. The fireplace never got used again because the chimney fell. What are you gonna do, right? Fix something.

[Steve Hofstadter]

You would know this. My house is a highway house, where I guess it's with the name because they moved it from another location. And so there's part of it that's just like on like a sledge with no foundation. Is that terrifying during an earthquake?

[Adam Carolla]

No. There's a raised foundation and then there's a slab on grade, as they call it.

[Steve Hofstadter]

And that's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the slab is just poured onto the ground and there should be Rebar in that 4 inch slab that you have. And then there should be a footing that goes around that so it doesn't sort of slide around on top of it.

[Steve Hofstadter]

But my garage is made of matzah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, listen, you juice, you roll.

[Allison Rosen]

Brian and his wife sleep under a mirror that looks sort of like something from Game of Thrones.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, looks great.

[Brian Bishop]

But very dangerous.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah. Earthquake glass. Above you, we have a sunglasses.

[Brian Bishop]

Not just the glass scary enough. It's one of those, like, metal ones.

[Allison Rosen]

It's got spikes.

[Brian Bishop]

It looks like a sunburst, you know, got the spikes coming out of it.

[Steve Hofstadter]

On the ceiling?

[Brian Bishop]

No, on the, on the, on the wall above our head.

[Steve Hofstadter]

She said underneath.

[Brian Bishop]

I just assumed. Well, if there was to be a major earthquake, that would probably come off the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but when there was an earthquake.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember, my first instinct was I dove over like a hero.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, you don't remember that?

[Brian Bishop]

I talked about that like, like six months ago, there's earthquake and the middle of the night and dove over like a hero.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, yeah, you just roll over.

[Steve Hofstadter]

I mean, it would just pierce him.

[Allison Rosen]

And go Straight into her.

[Brian Bishop]

Run me through.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Now she's got you attached to her with a slab of mirror similar to that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, anyway, earthquake, China, reinforced concrete. Next time. It helps.

[Allison Rosen]

So aforementioned Guardians of the Galaxy by our friend. Hopefully still our friend. Now, James Gunn, as Brian mentioned, or as Adam mentioned, took in 94 million US in Canadian ticket sales this weekend, setting a record for film opening in August.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's Canadian as well.

[Allison Rosen]

And they count dollars differently.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like a North American thing over there. Yeah, let's try and get on the.

[Brian Bishop]

Phone now that he's famous.

[Adam Carolla]

Good friend.

[John Popper]

Try your call again later.

[Allison Rosen]

He faved a tweet about having been on my show that someone else tweeted. So he's still in our periphery. That much I did. I said to Daniel, I'm like, he could be the next Steven Spielberg.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he definitely is going to be in demand when you do that kind of. That kind of business.

[Brian Bishop]

Business meets quality. I mean, he did both. It's a good movie and it made a shitload of money.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. And wrote it and directed it as well. So there you go.

[Steve Hofstadter]

If his next one doesn't, how do you think this one's big enough that it'll completely outweigh?

[Allison Rosen]

His next one will be this next one. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to start the universe. Assume it'll be. Yeah, it'll be. Right. I'm assuming it'll be this next one, but who knows what he's got in the pipeline. It takes a while. I don't know. We should talk to M. Night about this and see how long.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like the afterglow of your first success burns bright and long.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I feel like people coast on, like, you know, how much success do.

[Steve Hofstadter]

You have to have before you can coast?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's a couple of. Couple things to factor in, like Kevin Smith, Jay and Silent Bob. The thing was, he made the whole thing on his credit Card. It cost $18,000. Sorry, clerks. It made 18,000. It cost $18,000. Like, it was a pretty incredible achievement. But I don't feel like, for me personally, not been a lot of films after that, that I've been a huge fan of the quality.

[Brian Bishop]

Clerks was, for my money. I love Clerks.

[Adam Carolla]

Highlight of his career, but got a lot of mileage out of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, Clint Eastwood is still making movies. And when was his last good one?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I feel like Clint Eastwood. Eastwood makes a good one, makes a bad one, makes a good one, makes a bad one, which you can definitely do. I mean, I think people like Clint Eastwood movies in general. He wouldn't jump to the top of my list if I was looking for examples.

[Brian Bishop]

Johnny Depp made a lot of bad movies since the pirates movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's weird when you're, I guess, on the talent end and not on the whatever end, but there's. There's a thing of if you made a good movie, you get to coast to a stop. You don't hit a brick wall, per se, in this business. Also, the movies that you think of were probably flops. Like some of those Adam Sandler movies end up making $100 million. By the time the dust settles on the European and the Asian markets and all that stuff, they end up making $150 million. And we look at it as, oh, boy, he's lost the Midas touch. No, they still end up. They still earn out, as they say, but I'd say get like three before you really come to a halt.

[Steve Hofstadter]

I'm just trying to figure out the trajectory of how quickly I'll go down if this show doesn't work.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you don't get any. Yeah, you're done.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, that'll be fantastic. I look forward to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

No, Adam says it like, you're already done.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Steve Hofstadter]

You haven't even seen an episode yet.

[Adam Carolla]

TV shows don't work that way.

[Allison Rosen]

How does it work with tv?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's just, what have you done for me? Like, I mean, they. First off, when I was doing a pilot with NBC, I think, like I said, Matthew Broderick. They've been trying for 10 years to get him to do a sitcom. Well, wouldn't you want Matthew Broderick to do a sitcom? And it's like, he did one, I did one, and neither one of them got on the air. But I was like, well, what happened with the Broderick sitcom? You guys been working 10 years to get that guy to finally do a sitcom. Like, yeah, we passed on it. They just. That is. What have you done for me lately? I mean, it's. It's tv. I'm trying to think. TV is sort of head coach. Like, if you don't put together some winning seasons, you're going pretty fucking fast. Yeah, you don't get to hang out, especially with a franchise like the 49ers, for instance. You. You take Singletary, right? You get to spend a whole lot of time with that franchise, no matter how legendary you are. That's. That's the whole thing. I mean, Mike Singletary was beloved. Like, he was all the linebackers. Linebacker. Mr. Intensity. And a player coach and all that kind of stuff. I don't know how many seasons he got us two seasons.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it was three or four. But I know what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think he got to four and he wouldn't. He was going 500. He wasn't, you know, wasn't having two and 14 seasons. But you don't get to hang out that long in TV if you're not.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it because the immediacy of it, like a film, takes so long that you have that cushion where people don't. Don't see what the result of all that work is?

[Steve Hofstadter]

You have a year and a half.

[Matt Walsh]

Before.

[Allison Rosen]

Proof is in the pudding.

[Adam Carolla]

You just, you just think about he was interim one year head coach, two years, so he got two and a half in or whatever, whatever it was. But everyone loved the guy. He wore a life size cross around his neck. Like he literally wore. It was a fire hazard. He couldn't travel, he couldn't take airplanes.

[Steve Hofstadter]

The player didn't do well. He would just crucify him.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally crucify him, stake him. But TV is much more immediate. Yeah, it's probably because of that. And also with, you know, you can't even think of all the people you can't think of from TV who used to be stars on TV because they just go. And then Honey Boo Boo just rolls around the corner and boom. It's like just the next. It's like, next up, a lot of.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Them came to the premiere party.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. All right. Ah, stamps dot com. Now, these guys are perennial all stars. They're not going anywhere. They're stamps.com quick, convenient, easy. Stamps.com makes shipping your parcels a breeze. You got a small business. Stamps.com you can buy and print official US postage with your own computer. Then hand it right off to the mailman or drop it in the mailbox and there you go. You get the digital scale, plug it into your computer. It's a $110 bonus offer. You get the digital scale, you plug it into your computer, weigh your parcel out, print it out, out of your own printer and 55 bucks free postage, baby. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click the microphone, top of the homepage, type in Adam, that is stamps.com. enter the promo code Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so Tara Reid came in here recently. Perfectly lovely. Came in here to talk about Sharknado 2. I felt like she was being open with us, but turns out she was hiding something. She has a New fragrance, Shark by Tara. She didn't even tell us. Didn't have the decency to tell us about it. In case you're wondering what it smells.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it's quote, dorsal fin plankton.

[Allison Rosen]

Constant movement. It's a light and refreshing perfume, perfect for day to day wear. It also incorporates a plethora of lavender colored flowers, which is Tara's favorite color. Another thing she didn't tell us, making them a true fit for Shark by Tara. That's according to her website. And it you can get yourself some of this. Starting price at $24.95.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was going to pick up some, but a Japanese vessel harpooned it. Took it all. Took it all right off the shelf.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Does it have a hint of blood smell as well?

[Allison Rosen]

I hope.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like sharks are one of those animals that we do a lot of bragging on. But we do fear them a lot. Like we do that thing all the time. No one ever. Like, everyone goes, sharks can smell one drop of water in a 10 billion gallon tank.

[Brian Bishop]

A drop of blood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, one drop of blood. Sorry. No one ever questions it. Like everyone says. Yeah, they got good noses. Oh, yeah, they sure can. And that shark always swimming forward thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that not true either?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not sure how much of that is true. I don't know. I feel like I've gone to the aquarium.

[Allison Rosen]

Gary's nodding. Do you have shark?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Isn't it Shark Week right now?

[Adam Carolla]

Seen the nursey she sharks like sleeping on the bottom. Feel like we could figure that one out. I like it. And then I think people just use it and they adopt it. They go, like me. I'm like a shark, always moving. You throw a tampon, a spent tampon, into. Into Shamu's tank and I will lower myself in blindfold and tell you what side of the tank it's on.

[Steve Hofstadter]

That's the worst superpower I've ever. Yeah, terrible. X Men. Being able to find a tampon at any distance.

[Adam Carolla]

Any distance.

[Steve Hofstadter]

How do you defeat Magneto with that?

[Allison Rosen]

Mm, they say. Another thing they say is that we are so afraid of sharks, but really, sharks should be afraid of us because we harm sharks a lot more than.

[Adam Carolla]

They hurt us, Right? But when they say we, they mean somebody. Not us. We. You know, I'm tired of the we. I'm tired of getting lumped in with these. We humans never do anything. Yeah, I'm tired with the we. We humans. Fuck humans. They're horrible. I'm gonna be lumped in with them.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not a fair Fight either. I mean, sharks are doing damage with just what God gave them. And we have harpoons and ships and tracking devices and so on.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, thank God they don't have opposable.

[Brian Bishop]

Fair fight.

[Allison Rosen]

They fucking fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Whose fault is that?

[Steve Hofstadter]

It's the shark's fault they didn't get their shit together.

[Adam Carolla]

They lack the ability to stop suddenly or swim backwards. Okay, so that explains all the guys they eat outside of Santa Cruz on longboards because they get. They go down deep and they breach. You know, they come up from the bottom and they get a head of steam, but they must. A lot of them must want to stop in the last minute, but go. We have the inability. We don't have the ability to stop.

[Allison Rosen]

Shark horn.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they just come up and they knock the guy out, and then they take the bite and they never like what they taste. And then they spit you out.

[Brian Bishop]

Exploratory bites.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, we've all done that in college.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like I could talk to the shark and go, look, if you'd like to talk about what I taste like, let's not actually sever a lot of veins and muscle and stuff to get to that, I can tell you. Speaking of that, the exploratory thing, just sort of apropos of nothing, but you want to talk about flexible sexually and the difference between men and women.

[Brian Bishop]

Where's sharks going?

[Adam Carolla]

I fucked a shark.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a sea turtle. No, what I'm saying is I tuned in to, like. Actually a nice thing to do with a lot of TV shows is don't watch the whole thing. Just watch the last two and a half minutes and see if we can figure out what the fuck happened. It's more challenging that way. I saw the last two minutes of catfish, speaking of aquatic creatures, and it was a chick who'd been pretending to be a dude the whole time having this relationship, and it always turns out, you know, they're the wrong sex.

[Steve Hofstadter]

In other words, it wasn't the other way around.

[Adam Carolla]

It was. No, this was the chick pretending to.

[Allison Rosen]

Be a dude to ensnare a chick.

[Adam Carolla]

A chick. Okay.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Usually it'd be the other way around.

[Adam Carolla]

And they. Well, they. It happens.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you calling me a liar? No, this is a chick.

[Steve Hofstadter]

I know better than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretending to be a dude. And at the. At the end, and they do that thing where they check back with them, you know, and they're like, well, now, Jesse obviously said she was a he, and so that's a deal breaker. And the chick, they're Checking in with who was lit up the whole time. I mean, who got catfished or whatever went. Well, we're, you know, we're talking.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

We're friendly. I mean, we're friendly. And Nev was like, the guy who hosted it was like, like. But are you talking? Well, we flirt. We flirt a little bit. And she's like, you're flirting.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then we're going to get together and romantically. And she's like, yeah. Who knows?

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like Nev was being catfished.

[Adam Carolla]

I just thought, like, how flexible. And by the way, I'm jealous of you, don't get me wrong. But I wish I had that kind of. Of universal adapter crescent wrench of a. Where I could just one size fits all. Like, I think I'm talking to a hot chick the whole time. It turns out to be a heavyset dude. And I'm like, compliments a compliment.

[Allison Rosen]

Still the same person.

[Adam Carolla]

Still same person.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you always say? Yes and yes. And that's the ultimate improv.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not saying I'm gay, but yes, we're going to get together and we've been flirting a little bit over the phone.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Personality that they have to have to overcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Are you an incredibly flexible person?

[Brian Bishop]

More evolved.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I always wonder about, like, I just read this story. I wish I could remember the details, but about it was a man, but formerly had been a woman. Like crossed over sex change and met someone after the change. And they were married. And, like, did that, you know, how did that person feel about it when they found out?

[Adam Carolla]

I like the ones who change in the marriage.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And then keep stay the course.

[Brian Bishop]

Does the marriage stay together?

[Allison Rosen]

Sometimes it does.

[Steve Hofstadter]

There are marriages that break up over someone not doing dishes. Meanwhile, yeah, you can gender reassignment and it's fine.

[Allison Rosen]

I remember in college there was this longtime lesbian couple, and one of them wanted to become a man. And it was causing her girlfriend quite a bit of grief because she did. She wasn't straight and she wondered if that would make her straight and she didn't know how to deal with it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a pickle.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or not. Either way.

[Allison Rosen]

I just.

[Adam Carolla]

I long for that kind of sexual flexibility.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Did we start this story with a Chinese earthquake or is that a different one?

[Allison Rosen]

No, we started it with Tara Reid's.

[Adam Carolla]

She has an essence.

[Steve Hofstadter]

This is all about Tara Reid.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, Tara's gonna sex change.

[Allison Rosen]

But if you guys were gonna be attracted to men, what kind of men would you be attracted to?

[Adam Carolla]

It's so easy.

[Brian Bishop]

I Never thought about it before, but.

[Allison Rosen]

See, I think I'd be attracted to an androgynous woman.

[Adam Carolla]

You see, that's the thing. What we do is we just go the opposite. It's unfair because no one ever says John Belushi. Because he has a great sense of humor. No, he has a hairy ass. Here's the way we think of it. Well, no, what I'm saying is, like, you go, okay, you're not gay. You're not gay, you're not gay. But, but, but if you had to be with a dude, what dude would you be with? And you sort of go, I'd be with the chickiest dude.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's like, I'm choosing the duteous chick.

[Adam Carolla]

So we want a wavy, Asian, prepubescent boy, and that's as close to a chick. But that's not really answering the question. That's unfair. That's. That's you finding a sort of facsimile of a. Of a female with a penis and trying not to. Maybe, maybe. Maybe it won't be. There's not as big a chasm.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, you're so straight, you'd sleep with Justin Bieber.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. And so what I'm saying is you should really answer the question, which is you are officially gay. Now. Who are you attracted to? And don't pick a dude that looks like a chick.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Well, I'd have sex with Justin Bieber just for the ratings. I feel like that would help my show a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously, in the conversation would probably be one of these things where you just go, like, you tell me I just fucked a dude, and then I'll be one of your buddies from high school. And then later on you tell me it's beaver. All right.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah. I have this confession to make. I'll just come out.

[Adam Carolla]

I had sex with a guy. What the fuck?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, we were just hanging out, one thing led to another, and you just fucked it.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, I did.

[Brian Bishop]

I did.

[Steve Hofstadter]

It was. I was just hanging out with Justin at this party.

[Adam Carolla]

Who.

[Steve Hofstadter]

And this guy Justin, he's a singer. I don't know if you know him. Timberlake. No, no, no. He's way less talented. He's like. He's. I think he's Canadian.

[Adam Carolla]

Justin Bieber?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah. Yeah, that was a Bieber. That was the guy you fucked?

[Adam Carolla]

Justin Bieber? Yeah, I did.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Well, he kind of fucked me.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's it like?

[Steve Hofstadter]

He's more of a.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he tight?

[Steve Hofstadter]

I guess so. I don't really have anything to compare it to.

[Adam Carolla]

Could he fuck me? Awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Steve Hofstadter]

We're together now.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Is Selena Gomez around? Does she talk about the Wizards of Waverly Place in the taxi cab episode? She. Actually.

[Steve Hofstadter]

That's her favorite episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you hear that he got fucked by Justin Bieber?

[Brian Bishop]

Initially, I was resistant, but that's pretty fucking awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Steve Hofstadter]

It's so.

[Brian Bishop]

It's.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, I guess. I guess I did enjoy it, it turns out.

[Adam Carolla]

So you'd like Joe Montana. Fuck you. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I was thinking Carson Palmer, but yeah. Okay, Joe Montana's a little old. Not into silver foxes, but you can go for a car. Carson Palmer. Matt Leiner, if he's busy.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't think the answer can be the chickiest Dude. You gotta find a dude. You gotta go full man.

[Brian Bishop]

Could we all agree on Gosling? We'd all just go for Gosling, right? Men and women.

[Adam Carolla]

If we were gay. I'm gonna go with Dwayne Johnson.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a man.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a man.

[Brian Bishop]

Oiled up.

[Matt Walsh]

Oiled up.

[Brian Bishop]

Arm butter.

[Steve Hofstadter]

But does that include him fucking you, too?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All the bucks.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, he's committing.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah. Well, if you're gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going whole hog.

[Allison Rosen]

And he's never gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

He won't go back. I also feel like it'd be another one of those conversations. You're fucking dudes now. Well, one dude.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. One very famous large man.

[Steve Hofstadter]

Yeah, I can smell what he's cooking.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be, like. Great. That'd be the weirdest conversation. Cause there'd be a lot of Dwayne Johnson discussion in between. I didn't know you're gay, but tell me more.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're gay now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, with Dwayne.

[Brian Bishop]

Dwayne the Rock. Dwayne the Rock Johnson is the man you're gay with.

[Adam Carolla]

See? Fast and furious.

[Brian Bishop]

I did. Hey, how long was that Runway supposed to be? That thing was, like, forever.

[Adam Carolla]

They're driving up on the road. Yeah, we talked about that while I was.

[Brian Bishop]

You're gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but while I was blowing him, he was telling me about the Runway scene.

[Brian Bishop]

How long was that run?

[Adam Carolla]

The blowjob?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. The Runway in the past. Inferior is number six.

[Adam Carolla]

Because the blowjob didn't go on that long.

[Brian Bishop]

You blew him or he blew you?

[Adam Carolla]

I. Well, first off, how's he gonna talk about the Runway scene while he's blowing me?

[Brian Bishop]

The Runway scene. Tell me again.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously, if my cock's in your mouth, what's that Runway scene? Descriptive.

[Brian Bishop]

Mouth is fucking gross.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm blowing him.

[Brian Bishop]

Dude, somehow that's grosser.

[Adam Carolla]

He's telling me about the Runway scene.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, what'd he say?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, he smelled of paba.

[Brian Bishop]

That makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

And coconut oil.

[Brian Bishop]

He was a real oiled up in that movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, obviously. As Dwayne said. Or D Rod, as I call his cock.

[Brian Bishop]

Strange name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He just said, look, do you have.

[Brian Bishop]

A nickname for his cock?

[Adam Carolla]

Drod. Yeah. Anyway, the point is, international terrorists stealing nuclear tip warheads and driving around cars that are wedging. You're worried about the fucking extent?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Runway scene.

[Brian Bishop]

It's called suspension of disbelief, man. Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what he said.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right before he came. Yeah. That's fucking gross. Fucking rocks. You're kidding me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. That's a good point. Versatile international movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you seen Hercules?

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Right, I saw Hercules.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's what I'm saying. He's shaving. Oh, it's gross up top. Oh, I mean down below. Both. Listen, I got to go visit D Rod.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, tell him it's a.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. That's how it would work out of.

[Brian Bishop]

Conflicting thoughts on the issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosenz. A bit cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, Evoice, man. Take all your business calls and make them make it look like you're a professional. Evoice. Better way to connect with your clients, your small business. Don't let them know how small you are. Get a number from Evoice. Your own toll free number. Professional greeting. Dial by name directory and more. Transform any phone in your business phone. It doesn't matter. Wherever you are, the customer calls will get sent to you. Home office bar does not matter. Under 13 bucks. But right now, for a limited time, you can try it for 60 days. That's right. Try free. Free for two months. Months. Let's not put this off. Go to evoice.com, set up your 60 day free trial. That's evoice.com promo code. Ace for 60 days. Two months free. All right. Ah, told you about Amazon. How about Allison Rose and everyone? Is that Matt Brauner?

[Allison Rosen]

Bronger.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it was written out phonetically and I fucked it it up. Wasn't that Braun? It had to be Bronner at some point, right?

[Allison Rosen]

See, I thought it was Matt Brauner, but he said it's Bronger. That's what. That's how he pronounces it also.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we should talk to Kenneth Branga and get to the bottom of this. Thing only.

[Brian Bishop]

Only one man can come out.

[Allison Rosen]

It actually did. He's the guest on my show this week. It did come up, although clearly I didn't get to the bottom of it enough.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like somebody at Ellis island mispronounced his name and and then he just stuck with it. But that aur. No, maybe. Is that an au.

[Allison Rosen]

It's B R A U N G.

[Adam Carolla]

E R. I thought I was. I can't see. It's too far away from me. Anyway, Allison Rosen, new best friend, everybody. Allisonrosen.com or iTunes. Monday and Thursday, of course, the brain tumor walk. LA Brain Tumor, that is Sunday, August 24, at the LA Coliseum. Bolt Bryan will be there, that's for sure. And you can go to brianbishop.com for more information. And Steve Hofstadter. Steve laughs. That is syndicated Saturday nights Sunday again. Where do we find it?

[Steve Hofstadter]

Sunday on Mynet, but you can just go to YouTube.com laugh laughstvshow and see full episodes there.

[Adam Carolla]

If you don't get it on Fox. So until next time, this Adam for Steve and Alison Bald. Say it, Mahala.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't blame the ant for crawling up your butt.

[Adam Carolla]

Blame yourself for wearing the wrong underwear and not wiping.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, the sound cruel show 1388. That is this weekend's cruel classics. Make sure to tune in next weekend for three all new installments until then.

[Adam Carolla]

And get it on.