John Salley + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show: John Salley + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Date: January 3, 2026
Host: Adam Carolla (with Alison Rosen, Bryan “Bald Bryan” Bishop, Dr. Drew Pinsky)
Featured Guest: John Salley

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode brings together some of Adam's best moments, with a focus on comedy, pop culture rants, and a visit from NBA star and vegan wine entrepreneur, John Salley. The episode is a mix of sharp-tongued debate, call-ins for classic segments like "Hobo Power," behind-the-scenes tales from Adam’s Loveline days, and candid, often irreverent discussions on everything from journalism and government policy to tattoos, veganism, and race in America.

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Key Discussions and Insights

1. Media Manipulation, Journalism, and Oversimplification

Time: 01:15–08:56

• Adam reflects on a recent interview with HuffPost Live and the modern state of journalism—how quotes and reality are manipulated for clicks.
• Compares the oversimplification in advice (“family and education will fix poverty”) to similar reductionist takes about diet and exercise.
• Pushback against Adam’s stance comes from Alison and Dr. Drew, especially regarding issues like the school-to-prison pipeline.

Notable Quotes:

“Family and education is to your culture what diet and exercise is to your waistline.”
— Adam Carolla (07:42)

“The whole point of this in this day and age is just getting eyeballs. So they’re going to bend the truth as much as possible...”
— Alison Rosen (03:57)

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2. Loveline Callbacks and Relationship Advice

Time: 14:11–18:45

• Adam recounts recent podcast roleplaying with Dr. Drew and Alison, mimicking a call from “Ashley” about non-committal sex in relationships.
• Laments modern dating, lack of commitment, and the “cool girl” phenomenon.
• Alison describes the pitfalls of girls overcompensating to appear laid-back.

Notable Quotes:

(as the aloof boyfriend): “Right now, what I’d like from this relationship—don’t stop sucking…”
— Adam Carolla (15:27)

“Be a disable cunt. I’ll tell you what the really cool girls do. They use stamps.com.”
— Adam Carolla, with classic pivot to sponsor read (19:04)

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3. Listener Calls and Life Advice

Time: 20:09–48:57

• Teenage fan Daniel calls in to ask about Adam and Drew’s live shows. Adam riffs on strained paternal relationships and generational differences in parenting.
• Another caller, Dan, credits the show for winning money via DraftKings and discusses back pain, revealing how Adam “senses” callers’ physical issues.
• Tattooed women and personality: a caller asks if women with many tattoos are “crazy.” Adam and Drew discuss pain-seeking tendencies and trends.

Notable Quotes:

“Some guys can pick the ponies… I can tell which teens just got their braces off.”
— Adam Carolla (26:15)

“Women don’t get better by nails, tattoos, jewelry... But a toned body can be nice.”
— Adam Carolla (33:57)

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4. Pop Culture Debates: Rocky, Sports, and Podcast Banter

Time: 38:04–43:59

• Listeners pose classic “versus” questions (Clubber Lang vs. Ivan Drago).
• Adam criticizes Rocky III’s training logic, breaks down sports scenes, and shares humorous, niche knowledge about head trauma.

Notable Quotes:

“You can’t just decide head trauma doesn’t bother you. You get hit hard, you feel it in your foot like a shock.”
— Adam Carolla (40:47)

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5. John Salley on Veganism, Wine, and Race

Time: 48:57–71:46

• John Salley enters, discusses being an NBA champ with three franchises, his vegan journey, and the challenges of launching “Vegan Vine” wine.
• Detailed explanation of what makes wine vegan and why the “vegan” label matters.
• Lighthearted yet insightful talks on vegan parenting, black community trends in food/beverage, and challenges in beverage distribution.

Notable Quotes:

“I fight with my fork. It’s better than throwing powder and blood on people…”
— John Salley (53:14)

“My body is not a coffin for decaying carcasses... and I’m not gonna have my refrigerator be the morgue.”
— John Salley (74:56)

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6. Cultural Commentary: Paula Deen, Race, and Mob Mentality

Time: 64:28–71:44

• Salley and Adam discuss the overreaction to Paula Deen’s racist comments, and how public condemnation is often more about self-image than social justice.
• Candid observations on how both black and white communities handle public scandals.

Notable Quotes:

“We use these little opportunities to congratulate ourselves by condemning the actions of others in a way that’s probably a little more grandiose than it needs to be. You know, leave Paula Deen alone, OK?”
— Adam Carolla (66:48)

“Paula Deen didn’t offend us. Y’all just didn’t want her to have a job.”
— John Salley (69:23)

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7. Vegan Lifestyle and Parenting

Time: 71:47–84:43

• John Salley describes daily vegan meals, food advocacy, and the family conflicts veganism sparked at home.
• Advice for parents: don’t worry if your 20-something son isn’t obsessed with dating—focus on building himself up and the rest will come.
• Adam’s sharp analogy: investing in yourself is like improving your chances in the dating market.

Notable Quotes:

“If you eat vegetables, you lose weight. I just say, eat more vegetables.”
— John Salley (71:46)

“You just keep on your regimen. Make yourself a more presentable target.”
— Adam Carolla (48:37)

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8. Government Policy Rants: Soda Bans, Parenting, and Responsibility

Time: 77:19–83:19

• New York’s ban on large sugary sodas is struck down, prompting Adam’s rant on personal responsibility vs. government nannying.
• Government’s role in health and why Adam prefers keeping decisions in the hands of parents, not politicians.

Notable Quotes:

“At a certain point, your parents, you have to take responsibility... There's something called a 22-ounce Mountain Dew. You’re not supposed to drink three a day.”
— Adam Carolla (78:11)

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9. Hobo Power: Measuring Stink

Time: 106:07–120:10 and beyond

• Classic Carolla segment; callers share stories of the worst smells they’ve encountered (rotting toes, obese patients, Afghanistan “shit ponds”).
• Adam, Alison, and Dr. Drew assign a “Hobo Power” rating—the Adam Carolla-invented, comedic measure of stink, with 50 points equaling “a cat fed nothing but blue cheese, defecating on a white-hot hibachi.”

Memorable Details:

“I just know he sensed his orthodontic state.”
— Alison Rosen (25:54)

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10. Wrap-up Banter and Further Calls

Various Topics and Time Codes:

• TV pilot rejection (165:05+): Adam lampoons the process of getting a show made, the tiny odds, and the “graveyard” of unaired pilots.
• Race, Russia, Hitler vs. Stalin (136:15): Satirical “who-was-worse” debate with Dennis Prager.
• “Sushi off a naked body,” noncommittal jokes about the oddities of wealth and taste (145:53+).

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Notable Quotes & Moments (By Timestamp)

• Family/Education = Diet/Exercise: "Family and education is to your culture what diet and exercise is to your waistline." – Adam Carolla (07:42)
• On Manipulated Journalism: "The whole point of this in this day and age is just getting eyeballs." – Alison Rosen (03:57)
• Classic boyfriend impression: “Right now, what I’d like from this relationship—don’t stop sucking…” – Adam Carolla (15:27)
• Tattoo Pain and Personality: “There’s an attraction to that pain... you’re going to be dealing with some pretty damaged goods.” – Adam Carolla (36:10)
• Paula Deen and Race: “Paula Deen didn’t offend us. Y’all just didn’t want her to have a job.” – John Salley (69:23)

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Timestamps for Essential Segments

• Carolla on Media and Family/Education Rant: 01:15–12:13
• Loveline Roleplay and Relationship Talk: 14:11–19:04
• Fan Calls (Daniel, Dan, etc.): 20:09–31:16
• Tattoo Conversation: 31:16–36:21
• Rocky/Clubber Lang Debate: 38:04–43:59
• John Salley on Veganism: 48:57–71:46
• Paula Deen/Race and Public Scandal: 64:28–71:44
• Veganism, Food, Family: 71:47–84:43
• Soda Ban and Personal Responsibility: 77:19–83:19
• Hobo Power Stories: 106:07–120:10

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Episode Character & Tone

• Language: Candid, unfiltered, and often crass, matching Adam’s signature style. Jokes freely veer into the blue or controversial.
• Tone: Swinging from biting social critique and mockery to genuine, practical advice, heavy on observational comedy and grounded analogies.
• Atmosphere: Fast-moving banter, packed with comedic non-sequiturs, digressions, and sharp comebacks from co-hosts and guests.

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Takeaways for New Listeners

This “Carolla Classics” two-parter is a slice of Adam’s enduring appeal: irreverent, insightful, sometimes polarizing, but always quick with a joke. Whether debating the politics of soda bans, riffing on “Hobo Power,” or digging into veganism and race with John Salley, this episode is a showcase of his no-holds-barred approach to life, comedy, and conversation. If you enjoy brash, laugh-out-loud banter with a scattering of hard-won wisdom, this is the episode for you.

Transcript

[Allison Rosen]

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[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips.

[Brian Bishop]

From all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics.

[Brian Bishop]

You can find the ad free archives exclusively available through Podcast one.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out and sign up and get access to all the old shows. If you want access to the entire archive ad free of the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show.

[Brian Bishop]

Or you just want exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Make sure to check out Adam Carolla's substack adamcarla.substack.com and if you'd like to.

[Brian Bishop]

Request a clip, please email us.

[Adam Carolla]

Classics alright, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Cruella show 1132 with the great John Salley, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2013. Good day, Allison Rosen, hello, Adam Carolla and bald Brian. That guy sounds hot.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Senor Tsunami wanted that one. Hashtag top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Love me some norm. All right, us at Amalfi tonight with Yakov Smirnoff and may sound sad, but I'm truly excited. Me and Jay Morne, Bill Simmons, the sports guy going to beat the Wiltern coming up on Saturday having some fun and. And we can look forward to that. A couple things to get into. Had a few thoughts. John Salley on the way, your phone call's on the way. Did Huffington Post yesterday, the live streaming interview thing, the live streaming interviewing thing, which was great. And people are kind of like, oh, you dug into them and called them assholes and liars. And my feeling is yeah, what the fuck do I care?

[Allison Rosen]

Well also there's like a million of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So there's not really one then.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And it's a weird life and I'm not in the. Well first off, as I used to say to my old program director when he'd say you're going on the competitions radio show before you're going on Loveline, and I'd go, well, who's the joke On. I'm advertising your station on your competitor's station. So is that a bad thing? Seems like a good thing. I feel like their program director should be pissed at them for having me advertising advertise my show on their station.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They were getting the same speech at the same time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. If I know radio, they're getting the same speech.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You let the computer come on our.

[Adam Carolla]

Station and promote his show simultaneously. So I. Well, first off, I'm promoting my movie and fund anything, and so I have something to promote. And we had a banner day yesterday. I mean, I don't know, we made $70,000 or something in one day, but we had to kind of address the part where I called them assholes for what I would call. It's now a common practice in journalism where somebody says, what do you think? Your father in law? And you go, ho, ho, that old son of a bitch boy. He's a real merry prankster. And then it says, allison Rosen calls father in law.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you know I was part of this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Old son of a bitch. And that's all sex.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a real merry prankster.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we don't. Yeah, I know. We just lopped it off at old son of a bitch with no contact. So there's a little bit of that going on in journalism. It's not exactly lying. It's a version of lying. It's a reality show lying where they go.

[Allison Rosen]

This is what they say. They say the whole point of this in this day and age is just getting eyeballs. So they're going to bend the truth as much as possible to make it the most salacious and exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like on a reality show when the guy sitting at the nice French restaurant is across the table from the woman and he says, will you marry me? And then there's just a shot of her looking like a deer in the headlights for three Mississippi. And then they go to commercial.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

A lot of reaction shots, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And then they come back and they go, watch you, You. You asked me if I'll marry you.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, Adam, will you marry me?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it's like when you come back. So I don't know where you grab that other fucking shot. I think it was just one heroin.

[Allison Rosen]

She's like, there's whole milk in this coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even think it's that. It's like between takes, like, I think it's just a camera on her while she's staring off into nothing. And they just put that shot in there. Now we got a lot of gravitas going into the commercial break. And then we come back and went, oh, yeah, we just fucked with you.

[Allison Rosen]

I've heard actually on reality shows, they'll tell the people the camera didn't work or whatever. Or we have to be here another hour or two to get reactions.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there's a ton of that. It's gotten completely out of hand. And I'll tell you more about that. Cause I'm working on a TV show as well, and boy, have times changed. But so I did this, and it was a nice environment, nice people, nice host, and we had to sort of get this uncomfortableness out of the way before we got on with the interview. Yes.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Forgive me, I know nothing of HuffPost Live. Is it on TV or is it an Internet show?

[Adam Carolla]

It's an Internet show. And that's a sort of daily chatty thing with some news and some science and some stuff, and it's all about. Right. But we got into it, and then we had to sort of get into me and Gavin Newsom and my focus on family and focus on education. And that will fix all the problems in society. But we got into it a little. But you can listen to it. And there's some interesting revelations in here. Doing here to try to. He didn't give you a good answer as to perhaps what he thought, maybe some of the systemic causes. GABIN Newsom, it's zero. It's zero. Leave minority groups in positions where they are more likely to live in poverty and. And be great to advise. No, I gave him the answer, which is family and education. We can all get out of this mess. And he said it was much more complicated than that. But then it is a little more complicated than that, than just saying family and education. Not much. Oh, but come on. I mean, it's a system, right, where if you. It is much harder to get out of a certain income bracket if you're born into it, if you live in a certain neighborhood, that affects the. Right. But that's why you have to focus on family and education. I mean, I'm not Christian or anything. They're not gonna solve everything. It would solve everything. Yeah. Just family and education would've been a problem. First off, what's the big pushback on family and education? I'm not saying Pop Tarts before you go to bed and Santeria during the day. I'm saying family and education. I don't know when that turned into fucking hate speak. It's not a new thing. It's just focus on family, focus on education. You get all the pushback. Yeah, yeah, but that's not the only. Okay, here's what family in education is. It is to a fat person or to any person what diet and exercise is. You can talk about metabolism and everyone has a different metabolism. Well, what about you? Yours is slower, mine's faster, Ray's is fast. So what about metabolism difference? Okay, diet and exercise. But what about the big fast food lobby? What about them? What about them?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And like, okay, the most obvious and.

[Adam Carolla]

Simplest solution is sometimes the one diet and exercise. Well, what do you think about the, you know, Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola? Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Whatever the cause, the solution is going to be the same.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all out there. There's people born into poverty. This whole country is made up of groups of people that were born into poverty. And grandpa worked at a coal mine and he told his son, he you're going to college. I'm going to scrimp and save so that you can go to college so you don't have to work in a coal mine. And that's pretty much where we're at. We could try this as an experiment and see what happened in 10 years. But there's always this pushback. It's like, what? Well, no, let's not oversimplify. Well, first off, what the fuck is wrong with oversimplifying something? Why don't we oversimplify it? Let's make it super simple. People can understand and again, your metabolism and the fast food industry and people who live in bad neighborhoods have more fast food and eat higher caloric and this and that. Understood. And rich people have access to whole foods and smoothies and dietitians and gymnasiums. Understood. But still diet and exercise and we could really focus on this problem. And I'm the same way with whatever your culture is. Whatever the culture is. I didn't grow up in that culture. I grew up studying other cultures that implemented the family and the education.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a really solid point. Tell me this is what you're saying. You're saying, let's stop talking about all the causes, let's stop trying to diagnose all the causes and let's just look at what would make a difference.

[Adam Carolla]

If you have. Yes. If you have a slow metabolism, we can sit and discuss how you process sugar and sucrose and how you break down complex carbohydrates and stuff. Or we could just go, fuck it, you're gonna have to eat some celery and spend extra 20 minutes on the treadmill. Sorry. There are people that have slower metabolism Than you. There are people that have a faster metabolism. There are people who were born into their parents were athletes. Okay, then their metabolism's better. There are people whose parents were CPAs and publicists. They have a slower metabolism. Let's not stop talking about. Well, she'll continue. And she has a pretty interesting, she has some pretty, pretty strong points here. Let's listen to the rest of her points.

[Allison Rosen]

That's failing.

[Adam Carolla]

What about the prison pipeline?

[Allison Rosen]

Things like this?

[Adam Carolla]

The school to prison pipeline, if you focused on education, I think would interrupt the school to prison pipeline. Well, the problem is that schools are pipeline. Unless the schools are maybe not focusing on education so much as they are on stop. And you can rewind it for a second because there's something we missed in there. But first off, are you aware that there's a school to prison pipeline? Because my kids are switching schools and I don't want to get Sonny sucked up into that pipeline.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I've never heard of that. But Alison, you write for HuffPo. Have you ever heard of the school to prison pipeline?

[Allison Rosen]

As I said, there's a million people that are involved in Huffington Post.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Right, but you come across that term in your travel school.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I never have.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you should know that there's a pipeline. This is the first time I heard that there's a school to prison pipeline. By the way, I like the idea. Parts of it are above and then the caribou lean up against it during the winter months.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it like a special feeder school?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to explain to her that education would help this and she's bringing up this pipeline from school to prison. Ironically, I think making my point, which is a good way not to get vacuumed up into that pipeline. It's one of these things that drives me nuts. It's sort of like voter suppression. It's something that's invented and then we all just go along with it. There's a school to prison pipeline. No, there isn't. There's broken families, a non focus on education. Kids in schools that aren't focused, that don't have a chance to get education, who are then getting into gangs, dropping out and going to prison. There's no pipeline. That's a pipeline. It's a cycle. It's a cycle that could be broken with family and with education, especially the school to prison pipeline. But you can go back. I think there's a drugs one in there too that we may have, may have missed out on. Family and education. We can all get out of this mess. And he said it was much more complicated than that. But then that is a little more complicated than that, than just saying family and education. Not much. Oh, but come on. I mean, it's a system, right? Where if you. It is much harder to get out of a certain income bracket if you're born into it, if you live in a certain neighborhood, that affects the. That's why you have to focus on family and education. I mean, I'm not Christian or anything. They're not going to solve everything. It would solve everything. Yeah. Just family and education. What about, you know, the drug war that we have?

[Allison Rosen]

That's failing.

[Adam Carolla]

What about the prison pipeline? Things like this, the school, the prison pipeline. If you focus the drug war. Again, educated people who come from an intact family are less likely to get involved with selling drugs, buying drugs, and dealing drugs. But also, I've not heard a big wicker basket full of answers come from the people that constantly call me racist and talk about my hate speak. They just suggest that I should shut up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's one suggestion they have.

[Adam Carolla]

The one suggestion they have is that I'm a racist and I should shut up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They also say, shut the fuck up.

[Adam Carolla]

What they do not provide is answers. They would really make really bad doctors. I think. Zero answers, just explanations of why things are bad and why I need to shut up. Of course. It's the easiest answer in the world. Again, the family. And exercise is to your culture. What? Diet, education. Oh, sorry. And education is what exercise and diet is to your waistline. It's pretty easy. Again, many other nuances and many other things working and many other things oftentimes working against you, but millions of examples of people just overcoming this with diet and exercise. So let's give it a try and see how it works. That's all. And don't call the doctor a racist. That's right. While you're at it, I made myself a doctor. Speaking of doctor, me and Dr. Drew got together, and Alison was very generous in her praise for the old Loveline episodes. And we had a little fun doing one of our podcasts today. And we do role playing. Except for I do both parts because Dr. Drew really can't handle it. He's the worst improvisational actor you've ever met in your entire life. He's got no play, Playa. No play, player.

[Allison Rosen]

What were you role playing?

[Adam Carolla]

I think poor Ashley called in, and you get a lot of these girls now. She's like, 18, and she's like, well, I work with this guy and we're kind of friends, but we're Having sex, but I kind of want more. But I don't think he wants anymore. But should we still keep having sex? You know, it's this whole thing now where these poor 18 year old girls just have sex. Just get to keep having sex with these guys who are having sex with other people who never really want to commit. And I did a little role playing, which was cracking up the guys in the booth. So I thought you might want to enjoy. I was Ashley's boyfriend from work who wasn't really committing to her. Ashley, yes, 18, San Jose. What's going on, my dear?

[Caller/Guest]

Do you guys think that it's bad.

[Allison Rosen]

For a girl to be having sex with a guy before the relationship is established? I actually know him from my work. We started hanging out more and then we had sex. And then I was like. Well, I asked him like, what do.

[Caller/Guest]

You want from this? Do you want a relationship? And he said that right now he.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn'T want a relationship because we're both like.

[Caller/Guest]

He just got.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone let me down?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Currently, if you ask me. Hold on a second. Right now. Don't stop sucking. Anyway, right now, what I would currently like from this relationship. Go ahead. Yeah, work the balls. Work the balls. Just work the balls. What I would like right now from this relationship. Hold on. Let's see if I can get my beer without moving here. I don't want to interrupt you, but I said it on the edge of the sofa there. I shouldn't put it on the arm. My stepmom would kill me. Right now, what I'm looking for currently, you know, because of school and because it don't stop sucking and, you know, work. I'm career oriented. If you want to drop a digit, that's fine. Easy. Lick it. Thank you. So I'd like to just sort of keep this, you know, casual and friendly, you know, and, you know, the ability to fuck. See other people. Easy with the pinky. Easy. What I'm saying is right now I'm at a point where. Hold on. Shit. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you said use that hoodie over there that's going in the hamper. You can, you know, and I'll just see it work and we'll figure this out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That is who she's dealing with. Thank.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Things are going really well between us right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Ashley.

[Adam Carolla]

Ashley, stop it.

[Brian Bishop]

This is not gonna be a relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not gonna be. I miss Drew doing the.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop it, stop it, stop it. Listen, I have a. I'm sober. I don't. I don't you know, I don't shoot methamphetamine anymore. I have a couple of beers. Stop it. Stop it. Yeah, I love when Drew does that. So Drew's back. Back in a big way. Miss talking to young screwed up people.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Must be refreshing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, very refreshing.

[Allison Rosen]

By the end of the call, did she realize that she needs to not be with this guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Poor girls just. They just want to. They want to be.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They want guys to like him, right?

[Adam Carolla]

They want guys to like him.

[Allison Rosen]

I just know how I feel. I know what he's saying, but I know how I feel when I'm around him. You don't just do that when you don't really like something. I spent years like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's an interesting phenomenon, which is the exception. What's interesting is in the past we had the. I want the boy to like me so. And desire me. And I want to make him happy, but I want him to like me so I will give him sex or oral sex or whatever so he will like me. But then we had to weigh that against sort of societal judgments. You know what I mean? Like, well, I do kind of want him to like me. On the other hand, I don't want to have to face my friends when they call me a slut or my mom's going to be really upset if I come home late, my lipstick's messed up or whatever it is. Now we've kind of gotten rid of the societal judgment part, but we still are left with the I'd like him to like me. Thus, blowjobs aplenty.

[Allison Rosen]

I think there's also. And I don't. Maybe this is not how it is for Ashley, but for some girls, there's this thing of, like, I'm gonna be the really cool girl and I'm gonna. I know that, like, all those other girls that you like are probably all stuck up and demand that you treat her a certain way. So I'm gonna be really cool and really agreeable, and that is a really bad way to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, be a disable cunt. I'll tell you what the really cool girls do. They use stamps.com. thursdays and Sundays, by the way. Meaning true. Stamps.com. yeah. They know how to run a small business. They can do it right from their own home.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Stamps.com youm know, it's not cool wasting money on postage.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All the services of the post office right at your fingertips. You can buy and print official US Postage. Any letter, package or class of mail. See, that's my point. Whatever Class of mail. You started off on hard work, education, diet, treadmill. You'll be right back into that. First class airfare, stamps, dot com. They'll even send you a digital scale. Automatically calculates the exact postage. Special, no risk offer. You get the digital scale, plugs right in. Your computer tells you just what the parcel weighs. Prints out the exact amount you need from your own printer. 55 bucks. Free postage only if you enter. Adam, go to stamps.com. now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. Type in atomthatistamps.com promo code. Adam.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yes, Brian, I imagine it doesn't bother you too much, but does Drew get upset or saddened by the fact that after 20 plus years of doing Loveline or whatever it's been, he still gets the same kinds of calls, you know what I mean, that he got when he started? Like he hasn't broken the cycle of sadness.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I think he feels like a cop or an exterminator or anybody who, you know, you know, the guy picks up garbage in the park, like it's just there. That's my job. It will always be. My job is to go, is to leave the park clean. And then when I come back tomorrow, it'll be covered with shit again. And then I will re begin this process once again, Sisyphean process of pushing.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The rock up the hill.

[Adam Carolla]

We have some phone calls. She's got a 14 year old from New Hampshire.

[Brian Bishop]

Why not?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Daniel.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? 14?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Little. Little young for my demo. How'd you get onto the podcast?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, my dad originally turned me onto it when I was, I think, 13.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I meant who the fuck let you on the show? You're horrible. No, no, I'm kidding. Your dad.

[Caller/Guest]

Yep, my dad. I think he showed me the podcast on my way home from a baseball game I played in.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes me hate my dad even more. And yeah, I met with a dude today, by the way, who said, well, I'm going to be out of town tomorrow. And I said, what are you doing out of town? Oh, my daughter's trying out for the Brown University, by the way, Ivy League school. Trying out for the Brown soccer team. She wanted me there trying out, like, you know, championship game. I could see starting at goal, but trying out wanted me there. Just gonna hop a plane after Brown. And I just looked at him and went, wow, would my dad never? Never. What you try out?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I just realized this should be a question of whether or not you can get into Brown. Where is Brown? Is it in New York? Is it in New Hampshire, Rhode island.

[Adam Carolla]

Or somewhere around there? Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Now I have to look it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I have to look it up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

None of us know where brown is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's not a lot of brown around it, if you know what I mean. Daniel. Yeah, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

What's.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the question?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The trees are lush and green.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Caller/Guest]

My question was, I'm going to your live show in August in New Hampshire, and I was wondering, what, like, what is it gonna be like, what's gonna happen there? And.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. What are you into.

[Caller/Guest]

Comedy?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, forget that.

[Caller/Guest]

Ah, yay.

[Adam Carolla]

I was hoping you're gonna say, like, lingon logs or something. It's gonna be me and Drew doing the show that you probably don't remember, but may have just heard a clip of Providence, Rhode island, by the way. We are going to do some Q and A, tell some stories, take a little walk down memory lane, and then after the show, we will sign things. Drew will take way too much time taking pictures and signing things. I will yell at him because he'll be holding up the line, and we'll have an uncomfortable moment, and at some point, I'll yell at him for splitting the money with him when I'm doing 80% of the heavy lifting, and that'll be the show.

[Caller/Guest]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Sound good, Daniel?

[Allison Rosen]

Yep.

[Caller/Guest]

I wanted to say hi to Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Hi.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi to Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, thanks. And, hey, bring your fake id. I think we'll have some Mangria.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, cool. Cool.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, buddy. Hey, let me ask you this, Daniel. Yep. Your friends now, being 14, that puts you in, what, the ninth grade? Eighth grade.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm going to be a sophomore next year.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Wow. At 14?

[Caller/Guest]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you skip a grade?

[Caller/Guest]

No, I started late, but I like to think I skipped a grade.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I was the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, you were 14.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I didn't get my license till junior.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so you're going into the. Sorry.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He's going into.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's summertime, so he's going into the 10th grade.

[Allison Rosen]

He must have. Do you have a summer birthday?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

September, probably.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. September.

[Adam Carolla]

Going in. So going in. So, shoot. You were 14?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

We're both young for our class, but, yeah. 14 going into 10th. 15 going into junior year.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. All right, Daniel. And what are your friends? Anyone listen to the podcast? You've been turning your friends onto the podcast?

[Caller/Guest]

I've tried, but none of them, like, none of them seem to care. They're all into, like, oh, let's go do something stupid. While I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna listen.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

This is stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Tell them this.

[Caller/Guest]

Something that's not listening to Adam Curl is obviously stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. It is. Isn't or something. Thanks, Daniel. Come up and say hi. And. And I'll sign your retainer.

[Caller/Guest]

Ah, yay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's no way he has a retainer. Does anyone have retainers anymore?

[Allison Rosen]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

You do?

[Allison Rosen]

I really do. I made a reference when you were talking about how dumb girls like purple, and I said, that's how I knew I was dumb. I said, I have purple retainers, and everyone just let that one go. I really have purple retainers because when I got my braces off, that was cool. I don't wear them.

[Adam Carolla]

Daniel. They hang up. No, no, you don't. You don't have a retainer, do you?

[Caller/Guest]

I actually do have a retainer. I just cut my braces off.

[Allison Rosen]

Congratulations. Don't your teeth feel slimy?

[Caller/Guest]

It's not like one of the old braces. It's retainers. It's like the Invisalign retainers.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. How often do I bring up someone in their retainer?

[Allison Rosen]

Very rarely.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Never.

[Adam Carolla]

He has a retainer.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. Did you get a retainer feel from him?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't get any feel. I just blurt things out. And when I blurt things out, oftentimes they have some particles of truth in them, but I'm not sure why.

[Allison Rosen]

I just know he sensed his orthodontic state.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I don't try to figure out guys who work around metal or guys who are wearing retainers. I just say it sort of comes to me, so it must be something on subconscious level speaking to me.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Maybe I don't know where it comes from.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know where I get it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Touch.

[Adam Carolla]

By God, some guys can pick the ponies. Charming, ultrasoft, smooth. I know the teens who had their braces taken off recently, so I've parlayed that into a small fortune.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Speaking of picking ponies, line. Oh, is he still there? Oh, is he gone? The guy from DraftKings? Oh, no, no. Line two. He made a bunch of money on DraftKings. Now I'm dying to know how.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Dan. Hey. Please figure out screen. Thank you, Dan. Yeah, yeah, 25. What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Yep. Hey, I just wanted to let you know that through your podcast, it was turned on to me for DraftKings, through all the ads you do for that, and. And then won a couple hundred bucks recently and wanted to, you know, pay it forward back into the Podcast. I listened to it every day at work, and I was wondering if you were going to add anything to the. To the fund.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Anything.

[Caller/Guest]

Movie, maybe, that I'd be up for going. I'm looking at, like, maybe 100, 150 bucks to donate.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Caller/Guest]

Anything?

[Adam Carolla]

I got a feeling. Hold on. Dan, are you sitting on a hemorrhoid donut? Be honest Again, no.

[Caller/Guest]

But I was recently diagnosed that I have arthritis in my back.

[Adam Carolla]

I felt pain emanating from that area. Lower back.

[Caller/Guest]

Lower back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

I work for the post office.

[Brian Bishop]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Some mornings when you get out of bed, it's stiff.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, there's a lot of stiffness. I was taught to actually roll out of bed.

[Adam Carolla]

You carry a lot of your tension in that part of your body. Are you aware of that?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I just use a massage.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's the kind of thing where you'll take a hot bath and it'll feel pretty soothing, but somehow the next day it's back again. Right, Dan?

[Caller/Guest]

Exactly. I'm not rich enough to actually take a bath. I feel like that's always been a rich person thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Super poor people take baths. It is a rich man, poor man thing. In betweeners, take showers, Dan.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Save those winnings for pain pills.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're gonna need some Vicodin, Dan. You can probably go to fundanything.com ham and find something for 100 bucks.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, I'm looking at it right now, and, I mean, I was just kind of wondering if you were going to add anything else.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. We will add things. We will add things.

[Caller/Guest]

I saw that you were close to the goal. It was over 900,000, so it's got pretty close to there.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep checking, Dan. One of the things that's really cool that we added, which is. I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but the Phil Rosenthal viewing party. Mozza pizza oven. That guy. You guys had the Mozza pizza.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's worth it for the pizza alone.

[Adam Carolla]

The pizza.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's world class pizza.

[Adam Carolla]

It's world class pizza. He has a brick oven in his kitchen, and he has the staff from the restaurant.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's Mario Batali's restaurant. It's no joke. That's not real.

[Adam Carolla]

Just making the pizzas one after the other while the booze is flowing. And then you're sitting around rubbing elbows with luminaries. And then you go into a theater. Theater. And here's what I'll say about Phil Rosenthal. And, you know, we do this thing all the time where it's like, well, this guy's this way or this guy's that way. If you don't call certain guys assholes, then all the nice guys aren't nice guys. Phil Rosenthal, somebody just said, suggested a mutual friend. Why don't you ask Phil if you can have a viewing party at his house? You could sell. That's a high dollar ticket. The Mangria. Red wine, white wine, mozza, pizza. Then into his theater, and it's a big theater, and at his home. And I said, well, that sounds kind of intrusive. You know, just sort of 20 people in his house showing up at his house. And he said, nah, I bet Phil'll do it. He's a nice guy. And I just said, well, Phil, I sent him an email, and I said, absolutely, do not have to agree to this. But somebody put it out there, and I thought it would be a great way to raise money. What do you think? He just wrote back five words that said, yeah, let's do it. That was it. It wasn't how many, it wasn't when, it wasn't how much, it wasn't. Hold on. It wasn't. Let me ask. It wasn't. Slow down. It was just. Ha ha. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's so nice. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

The fucking mensch. What a goddamn mensch. All right, you got a call up there. You like? Anybody see anything else? Let's see.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I've always wondered about line five. I don't think I've heard you talk about that, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Line five. Mike, Iowa, 35.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, how you guys doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, I was just. Nothing. Adam, I was gonna ask you if you've ever dated anybody before you got married or any ladies that had a lot of tattoos. And if so, did you ever find them out to be nuts, think they were crazy?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no. Oh, I think I had a girlfriend who had. That's stupid that I don't know this shit. But I do block out a lot of my past, to be fair to me. I may have had a girlfriend that had, like, a heart on her ankle or something like that. The non tattoo. The non committal tattoo. Just to say I have a tattoo, tattoo, but no one can see the tattoo. It's like having the world's smallest work open sign in front of your coffee shop. I don't get it. Like, why? Size of a postage stamp, and it's up in the corner and where no one can see it, like. But when I was single, it was not all the rage. And back then, if you had a tattoo, you were either a rockabilly chick or a super punk chick or there was something going on. Now you're just kind of a poser going along for the ride. So it probably meant more than it does now. Like, you know, back in the day, if a guy had a tattoo, he was a tough guy, didn't want to mess with that guy. Now everyone's got a tattoo, so no, maybe it's just me. But I just don't think women can be improved by nails, tattoos. There's earrings, lots of jewelry. I have a laundry list of things where women don't get better. Women get better. Their hair can be nice. Makeup, properly applied can be nice. Tan skin can be nice. Toned body can be nice. But the whole tongue piercing or triple ear piercing or cartilage piercing or aggressive piercing or nose stud or anything doesn't make them any better looking. The tongue piercing says, kind of open for business orally, but it doesn't really. It's not an attraction. It's not an aesthetic attraction. Doesn't make it any better to me. I don't know that many guys that are into it, but I guess there's enough out there I don't get it. And then I don't kind of get where it stops either. Like when they start doing the whole sleeved arm thing. And I don't see it paying dividends. And.

[Allison Rosen]

But I wonder if the guys that are attracted to that, it's the same thing as being attracted to the girl with the tongue pierced. Like they, they look like they're going to be crazy in the sack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I would warn the guys out there or the girls out there that the guys that. That does attract probably aren't, you know, it's not their Sir Walter Raleigh. Mike, what's your experience?

[Caller/Guest]

My experience is the last two years or so I have dated, I would say four or five girls that had multiple tattoos, including forearm tattoos that were visible. And all of them had a backstory that was not like the type of.

[Adam Carolla]

People that literally tattooed on their back. Are we talking about a past? No, I mean, once upon a time. It's great when you're in certain positions, you get some reading in the mirror.

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, one girl had a full back tattoo, so I gotta look at that. But anyway, you got her in the.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Mirror and you're like, ah, spoiler alert.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, yeah, usually a lot of look. Okay, here's the thing. When people experienced pain in their life as a child, they want to sort of re. Experience that pain. They may not want it, but they need it. And they get a sort of endorphin rush from it. Now, some people cut on themselves. Tattooing, there's a certain amount of pain involved with it. And I think whereas that pain may be a detraction to a lot of people, it's an attraction to a certain core group of people that want to feel like they're a little bit dead inside. Stepdaddy molested them, what have you. So they want to feel that. And that's where the kind of the addiction comes in. Because I'm wondering if you took the people that have multiple, multiple tattoos and you turned it into a completely painless procedure where you really felt no sensation. It was just you going down to a guy. It was like going to the barber. If they would want it sitting in there. I wonder if they would be as involved in it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's like the guys that go out for the Rangers or the seals, you know, if it wasn't so hard, they wouldn't do it. It's part of the fact that it's so incredibly difficult.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I think, too.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's an attraction on your skin. There's an attraction to that pain for a lot of people. And thus you're going to be dealing with some pretty damaged goods when you're dealing with those people. All right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Christie has two tattoos.

[Allison Rosen]

Does she really?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But she's remarkably normal. They're kind of neither here nor there.

[Allison Rosen]

What are they?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

She has a little Winnie the Pooh tattoo. Very rebellious 16 year old. And she has a little butterfly on her butt. I should be saying that now.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she? Is she. You think she was rebelling?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think she was just rebelling. She had gone to England for some sort of study abroad thing, was coming back and, you know, smoking. I don't know if you're smoking cigarettes. She was, you know, doing whatever kids do. Who, reading? Yeah, exactly. But that's not a very. That's not a super aggressive, you know, on your arm or anything.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And also she's of age where just everyone just had to do it. I mean, I don't know the fuck I'm gonna. I mean, hopefully we'll hit a saturation point where my kids won't want to do it because everyone will have done it. And then. Well, you're looking to zig while everyone else is zagging. You're looking to push against societal norms. And if the norm is everyone has a tattoo, I mean, we will have a president that is fully sleeved at some point. When the Rock is voted In.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I've seen idiocracy. I know how it goes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, it's just gonna happen, right? It's gonna be. First lady's gonna have a barbell going through her tongue. I mean, this is somewhat. This is gonna be sleeved.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Look.

[Allison Rosen]

It's interesting. I know nothing about whether any presidents have had tattoos.

[Adam Carolla]

I bet maybe your Teddy Roosevelt or something had. May have had something of. Or, you know, there's probably. There's probably. That's a good.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Based on the fact that so many were in like skull and bones. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They must have some sort of kind.

[Adam Carolla]

Of secret ones, maybe, you know. Yeah. Interesting. All right, let's see. Decrease libido. Adam, thoughts on who would win between Clubber Lang from Rocky III and Ivan Drago?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, this must be answered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right. Charles 28, Virginia.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. Get it on. How you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on, man. So Clubber Lang in his prime.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And Drago, Ivan Drago.

[Caller/Guest]

Who do you think would win? My friends and I have always argued about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing about, the thing that was incredibly flawed about Rocky 3 and almost all the Rockies, but especially Rocky.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

3, just Rocky 3.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not Rocky 1, per se, but Rocky 3, which is. And all the other ones are just what they are. But Rocky 3, he goes out and he fights Clubber Lang and he gets the shit kicked out of him because he's not fast enough. So he has to train. He's got to be lightning fast. And he gets with Carl Weathers and he runs that super erotic, greased up, slow motion running on the beach and hugging. And Carl Weathers is so much faster than he is at the beginning.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He's beating him running backwards at one point.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone who knows anything about guys in their early 40s and their foot speed knows they only speed up as they get older. That's what I know about foot speed. In another 20 years, I'll be playing cornerback in the NFL. So at a certain point, he speeds up and he catch him. And what club are saying to him is not clever. What Weathers is saying what Carl Weathers. Apollo's saying, man, you're flat footed. Get up on your toes. And he's bouncing around. He's doing those things where he's shaking his black titties. You know, he's just boom, boom, he's up on your toes, up on your toes, up on your toes. You're flat footed, up on your moving, moving, jabbing, interesting. On your toes and move, on your toes and move. You got to be Greased lightning with this guy. You guys can't touch you because you went in traded with the slugfest where the guy's got 30 pounds on you and is 10 years younger. He knocked your block off. This time we're going to teach you how to skip rope. We're going to teach you basically how to fight like a black fighter. Get you up on your toes, move around fine. There's a two hour training montage of him up on his toes, skipping rope, running on the beach, getting all the speed. Then fight night, about 30 seconds into the fight, he gets flat footed and just starts trading with Clubber. Except for this time it's like, come on. And then.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And Clubber keeps hitting him. That's so bad.

[Adam Carolla]

You keep hitting me.

[Allison Rosen]

Keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like, wait a minute.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Stock to the head, it's so bad. Stock to the head, it's so bad, right? Pretty bad.

[Brian Bishop]

He's pinned in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, I don't think he's implementing his plan, getting hit in the head over and over again. Secondly, I will tell this, say this about head trauma. You can't just decide, it doesn't bother you, you get hit.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I've seen Rocky 2, 3 and 4 and 5, 6.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been in the ring, I've been knocked out or knocked around. And you get hit hard in the head. I felt this. You will feel what feels like an electric shock on the ball of your foot. You get hit in the head hard enough, you feel like you stepped on an open wire. Your body has right?

[Allison Rosen]

Cause an electrical impulse.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I literally felt like a shock in my foot. And then your shit starts getting fucked up. You just yelling, come on. It's never part. It's not part of the cure. So he fights a guy who's stronger and younger and thoroughly blacker and thoroughly just dismantled him the fight before. Now he's gonna approach it with a whole new strategy. He's going to be like Sugar Ray Leonard fighting Marvin Hagler. Except for one round in he completely banished that and just decides to let him keep punching him in the face. But this time he's pissed and he wins. Yeah, that didn't make any sense to me as a moviegoer.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

As for Clubber Lange versus Drago. Oh yeah, if you remember, Ivan Drago killed a man in the ring. Apollo Creed, spoiler alert. But he never beat, he never beat Rocky. It was never a rematch thing, it was just the one match. However, that fight was a brutal 15 round fight. And I'm pretty sure Rocky's rematch against Lang went something like four rounds. Like, he beat him pretty quickly. So 15 round one. Epic win versus Drago versus Lawson. He still has to go to the rubber match for Clever Line.

[Adam Carolla]

I will say this. If that fight takes. If that fight takes takes place in the United States and the Godfather of rock and roll is there, Drago wins. That's the real question.

[Caller/Guest]

Charles, what's your thought on that new Rocky movie? They're pitching with Apollo Creed's grandson.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. You haven't heard about it yet?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I couldn't.

[Caller/Guest]

Apparently, Sly is supposed to make a cameo.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not interested.

[Allison Rosen]

I've always thought that was Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't it sound like him, though? Or am I the only one who thinks that?

[Adam Carolla]

Not. Not interested. I don't ask Drew. It's a black man. I wouldn't say it sounds like Carl Weathers, per se, but it does not sound like Dr. Drew. But if you think it's Dr. Drew the first time out, you're gonna think it from that Dave voice.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

All right, well, here's a. Here's a little secret about that drop that I don't think anyone's ever asked me about or even knows. If you listen closely, something had just been bleeped out on the radio show. And when they do that, when they dump something, the tape, the following. Whatever minute takes to ramp back up, the delay gets stretched out a little bit. So you can tell Carl's voice is distorted a tiny bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Not interested in.

[Allison Rosen]

Slower.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what the question was?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't. What was it?

[Adam Carolla]

Would you do Dancing with the Stars?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Not interested.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he's no Geraldo.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take that as a maybe. All right, that being said, I'll go with Drago. I mean, the guy. The guy was unbelievable in his career.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He killed a man in the ring.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And finally, Ray, line four.

[Allison Rosen]

Ray Ryan.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry. Ryan. Yeah. What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest]

Long time listener, first time caller.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, man?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I'm 25 in here in Idaho, and just wanted to get your thoughts on the situation. I'm kind of going through a. Actually over the last couple of years, but noticing I don't really. I'm not really interested in dating women. I've had a few girlfriends on and off, but it's never been, like, interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

And so, you know, I was just wondering if that's like a normal thing in your 20s, if you went through something like that or Is it just, I don't know, you know, kind of what's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

No. You should be horny as shit and trying to hook up every weekend, but maybe you're a little bit depressed and. I don't know, how's your health? Like, how's your weight? You in good shape?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, 2861 took your advice, started exercising every day. Helped with depression, but yeah, I mean, kind of, I feel like I'm less depressed than I was.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. 286.1.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

So John Salley's in the next room. He's 613 and he's 1 8. He's 218. 6 1. Hold on, let me do some quick math here. I'm doing what I used to do.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, you're doing the radio.

[Adam Carolla]

Radio math.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Is the podcast math different than the radio math? Same.

[Adam Carolla]

I use the same format. Same math, same calculation, same laminated thing I keep in my wallet.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's a good thing you still have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Other side's got the tips on it.

[Allison Rosen]

I still have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm old fashioned.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

We should come out with an addition to our Apple podcast math.

[Adam Carolla]

Six plus three is thousand.

[Allison Rosen]

Nine.

[Adam Carolla]

Nine.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's what I was going to say.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's the thing that always confused me. So one plus one is two, right? Right. But one times one is one is one. That's one.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, that is confusing.

[Adam Carolla]

Does feel like a shit. One plus one is two. But then one times two, then that's one, then two, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It's two.

[Adam Carolla]

Two.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Okay, you got to go back to that chart.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. He says 286 1. I have him at 5, 11, 3, 16, 293. That's according to the podcast math. So, Ryan.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I'm no doctor, but I have spoken to Drew about folks that are carrying around extra weight, especially dudes, and they have high circulating amounts of estrogen, which might possibly be a little bit of a cock block. You see what I'm saying? A self imposed cock block, Doctor.

[Allison Rosen]

I would have called it a boner killer.

[Adam Carolla]

That too. So if I were you, and I like the idea that you're exercising and you were depressed, right. You're not depressed or as depressed anymore. I'd say don't question that part of your life that much. I'd say focus on you. Focus on exercise, focus on diet, focus on career, focus on education. And as the pounds shed off and as the degrees pile up, then we'll see where you're at with ladies in six months. To a year.

[Caller/Guest]

Right on, man.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And don't worry about it. You just keep on your regimen. There are times in life when I've known guys and women are especially guilty of this as well, especially when they're young. The opposite sex can be a fantastic distraction. And I've known, I know guys that just their basically job was getting laid. That was their forget about career, forget about education, forget about anything else. I get laid, that's what I do. And it's hard to tell 23 and 24 year old guys that are bringing home new 21 and 22 year old super hot pieces of ass every weekend to knock it off and focus on the books. They don't. But then they blink their eyes and they're 35 and other people have law degrees and all they have is craps.

[Allison Rosen]

And not only that, sorry. I mean, and that's good advice for people who are successful with the opposite sex, but for people who are struggling and who are very focused on that and who are making that a priority, I think, you know, if you focus on getting a job, you will get a job. But if you focus on trying to be into, get into a relationship, that doesn't help you get into a relationship. If you focus on you, that's what.

[Adam Carolla]

Helps you make yourself a more presentable target. All right, great. John Salley in studio. Don't believe me? First player to play on three different championship winning franchises. Got the Pistons, Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers. Now Robert Horry has joined him. But those still the only two dudes.

[Brian Bishop]

Only two guys that are lucky enough to get traded to the right team. That's what it comes out to.

[Adam Carolla]

How tall are you, John?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm seven foot. And I was listening. I'm seven foot, £243.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're obviously amazing shape and vegan. And has a wine, we were just talking out in the hall about it. Has a vegan wine. Says he's been to some of the liquor stores in Detroit and says, put it by the Mangria because the Mangria is flying off the shelves.

[Brian Bishop]

It really is.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know it's unfair.

[Brian Bishop]

It really is unfair. Cause I didn't know you were doing it. I thought I was slipping into the beverage business. And I go, mangria sound like something Adam Carolla says, right? And the guy goes, yeah, that's his. And I get close and I start reading it and he goes, man, this sells off the shelf. And I was like, that's why we can't sell marijuana in Detroit anymore. They're drinking Mangria?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it packs a punch. How do you do a vegan wine? And then is, why isn't all wine vegan?

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I said. And then I got involved. Now what happens is in the finding the making of the wine, they use animal products. They use casein, which is milk. They use icinglass, which is the fish bladder of surgeons. They use egg whites and they throw that on and then that grabs like a magnet, grabs the little particles and then they clear it again. So in the making of wine, they use animal products.

[Allison Rosen]

So they clean your wine with fish bladder.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, they get it up. But this is the crazy thing. In France and in Italy, obviously, where great wine is made, they use benzonite, which is a clay, which we use. And it's a sustainable vineyard. It's up in the northern central coast. It's called Cote Lucence. And I have the label with them, and we make the wine vegan. And it's, you know, boy, this beverage business is great. But I'm out there knocking on doors. I just got Young's, who distributed me in California.

[Adam Carolla]

Young's is a big distributor.

[Brian Bishop]

Big distributor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, see, that's the whole thing. You have to hit the payment like it is boots on the ground. You gotta get what they call pull through. You know what I mean? So, you know, I just got back from Canada last weekend. So the deal.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you selling in Canada now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

See, I gotta. I gotta. I gotta follow you. I just gotta follow you. Because getting outside the country is even a thought process.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything. I mean, if you think doing anything in this country, for instance, like pulling a permit and building on your house is a bitch, or just pulling a permit and just getting a business license or anything in this country is a pain in the ass. Try something to do with booze. Now we got a real situation, and it changes from municipality to municipality. And you gotta go there and, like, show up and talk to the Youngs guy. And then the Youngs guy goes, you gotta care. We'll put it in two of our markets and you gotta come out every single weekend.

[Brian Bishop]

And I do. I drive. I've had more miles on my new car than ever. Going down, back and forth to Orange county one. I like it because I get, you know, like, you get to be on stage. It's the only time I really get to be on stage now is talking to these guys. And then they got 1500 different labels they got to sell. So I got to convince them that this label is worth their time to Go to somebody. Because these sales guys get paid on commission, right? So they're making a lot of money on Mangria. Brother. I'm just telling you. I saw the guy in there. He's in the grocery stores. It was right outside Detroit, too. It's like one of the busiest spots just to sell liquor, really. Whole Foods? Yeah. I went in and I did a place a pouring at Dewines way out in Livonia. I opened up the whole food.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a sister's name, isn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

I wish I had. If I had a sister, it'd be a whole conversation.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, you go down there and they go, great. NBA great John Salley and his sister Livonia are gonna be here at noon. They're gonna be pouring wine. Take pictures next to John Salley's scrotum sack while you hold up the wine.

[Brian Bishop]

But see, the deal is everybody eats flesh. And so when I walk in with a vegan wine, I said, it's just a really good wine, California wine. I just found it in with the V because I'm a vegan. And it's the only label with the word vegan on it. The major word is vegan. So really, it's. I push veganism and everybody that becomes a vegan saves 7,500 land animals. I'm an animal advocate.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So I. That's the way I do. I fight with my fork. And it's better than just going out there and throwing powder and blood on people. That makes no sense.

[Adam Carolla]

But stabbing people. The fork, I would argue, is pretty aggressive too. Anyway, you do it the way you have to do it. I can't judge. I'm enough trouble at the black community. Vegan. It's a beautiful wine. Now, do you. Do you do different?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I have a Cab. Cabernet Sauvignon. We have a red, which is mixed with seven different reds. I have a Cabernet, the big red, and I have a Chardonnay. I had to get chardonnay because, you know, selling in California, 40% wine market.

[Adam Carolla]

And women don't want to stain their teeth.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they don't. I call it white woman's crack. It's really, really good.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Where does one find vegan wine? I'm curious to try it.

[Brian Bishop]

Just now I was talking back and forth to the people at Whole Foods, so pretty soon it'd be nationwide, God willing. But it's at Erewhon here in California. And since you're in California, if you're in California, we can ship directly. You can go to veganvine.com.

[Adam Carolla]

So how many? Just because now I'm in this business. How long you been around?

[Brian Bishop]

How many months?

[Adam Carolla]

How many cases you moving?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm trying to move 20,000 cases.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good. That's a good number.

[Brian Bishop]

We're fitting that. God willing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. But that's good if you can get anywhere near that.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm at 5, 6200 right now. I know that because I get paid per case. So I had to pay attention. And you. I.

[Adam Carolla]

You're in how many cases now?

[Brian Bishop]

6,200.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So I'm thinking if we. When we get this. And then people from Trader Joe's says, well, you're testing in. They know everything about whole food. Well, we'll see how your test in Detroit goes with. With Vegan Vine. And I sold out in Vegan vine in Detroit. So it was funny because black people like sweet wine. All the black people. I was doing wine pouring. Is it sweet?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No, baby, but some Mangria.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why the Mangria is going to go, listen, drop this vegan bullshit. Be the new spokesperson of Mangria.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you get paid? They buy a case and then you get money, or do you get paid when they sell the wine?

[Adam Carolla]

They. Well, we can both probably answer that. You basically front them the stuff and then they have like 45 to 60 to 90 days, like depending on who you're dealing with to pay you. So, you know, they order 100 cases, they'll pay you probably, and hopefully in the next 60 days.

[Brian Bishop]

Hopefully.

[Adam Carolla]

So you have to. You have to. There's carrying costs, as they call it. But I could see you being my new Billy Dee from Mangria, you know, sitting in dash. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Colt 45. I wonder what happened to malt liquor.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Malt, first of all, is Mangria.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Mangria.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say, it is confusing the black community and malt liquor, because there's not. The opposite of sweet is malt liquor. I know it's the shittiest tasting stuff around. And I do understand the brothers going for the sweeter tasting buzz. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Give us diabetes, stop us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everybody wants a buzz, but they want it to sort of go down easy. The malt liquor is just fucking tough. I mean, that ain't never like that.

[Allison Rosen]

My sister drank a 40 and then this is a long. We were all way too young to be drinking. And then somehow there was a soccer game in the street and she kicked me instead of the ball.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what happens. Dr. Drew would say she probably needs to go right into rehab. So the wine's doing pretty well, I'll tell you. 20,000 cases. Nothing to sneeze at. You know when they talk about, I was at a Lakers game, and I was sitting down there at the Lakers club or something, and I was sitting this guy at my table, just putting back a few before the game. He had a huge look, like a Super bowl ring on. And I said, what's the ring for? Because I always think I was curious. Guy probably champ College World Series or something like that. He played third base. And he said, I sell the most Jack Daniels in the world. You get a ring, you get a ring. I said, how much Jack Daniels do they sell every year? Not him personally, but do they go through? He said, 5 million cases.

[Brian Bishop]

5 million cases.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, cases. So go ahead and put 12 to whatever number that is in terms of bottles.

[Brian Bishop]

This is when I knew I wanted to get in this business, literally. Diageo gave Blue Flame, which is Diddy's company, $100 million to advertise and make Chirac, the new taste. They were at 60,000 cases, like you said. I would say a million dollars every 20,000 cases. Diddy's now the number one selling vodka in the world at 2.5 million cases a year, is why he doesn't make records.

[Adam Carolla]

I sat down with those guys in the Diageo house. They have a house in Napa. 10,000 square foot craftsmen filled with booze and super high ceilings. You'd go nuts. You go nuts.

[Allison Rosen]

What's Diageo? For all the people who don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, that was dumb. Diageo's like the biggest. They handle all the brands, they rep all the big stuff. And they did the whole P. Diddy brand thing. And the whole Ciroc thing is vodka that's made from grapes. And it was some French company, and it wasn't doing that well. It's the craziest marriage ever. We have this little sort of boutique vodka out of France made from grapes, not Russian potatoes. It's not doing particularly well. Let's get this black dude who's known for rapping and banging Kim Kardashian to come on in and get behind this thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Jennifer Lopez.

[Adam Carolla]

Jennifer Lopez. And get going. And it was, oh, sorry. Different brother, sorry. And either way. And they were like, what? And last year, they whacked up 86 million bucks. And, yeah, just big time. I think P. Diddy wanted to buy the whole thing. And they went like, no, no, but look forward to a whole bunch of different. More P. Diddy's stuff coming out. And the thing that's cool about that brand is I try to explain to my wife all the time, look, Jack Daniels is gone. Meaning the dude, he's been dead for 120 years. I'll be gone too. But the kids can keep selling the shit. You know, once they clear rehab, they can sell the stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

This is gonna be your legacy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't need me now. The podcast, that's gonna be tough.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. They might come in and make it like Christian.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Either way, we're gonna lose a certain degree of the audience.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

When I leave, some jealous college kid's gonna look at Sonny pulling up on a Ferrari and go, mangria money.

[Adam Carolla]

Mangria money. John also has a show, a podcast, a John Salley show. New episodes available every Wednesday on itunes. Who do you get on this show? Cause I know John's pretty. Pretty connected. Like, it's a lot of good guests.

[Brian Bishop]

People like that, really good people on podcast one, and I have. What is it? I. Phil Jackson. I did a great conversation. I did an evening with Phil Jackson, Conversations with John Salley. I did it at the Alex Theater in Glendale, but then I made it my podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

How is Phil Jackson? I mean, what would surprise. What would surprise us about him? What's going on with him? But what would surprise us about Phil Jackson, if any.

[Brian Bishop]

He doesn't want to coach. He. That surprised me that he straight out said, I do not want to coach anymore because his health. He said, I couldn't sleep when I was coaching. I'd get up at 3 o' clock in the morning. I would feel I made a mistake in the last game. I would hope. Don't want. Like, he would go through all this anxiety that no one. Because he gets out there and he looks so cool and the team wins. And it's like, Phil's the greatest, but they have no idea how he beats his body up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

In his mind, he can like, barely walk too, right. Real problems with his. His hips.

[Adam Carolla]

The travel's gotta be. I mean, when you're coaching, the travel obviously is insane as well. How much. When you're playing, how much conversation takes place on the floor, how much back and forth? A lot.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a lot of conversation. A lot of it is hand signals. If you know your guys, if you're playing bad, you hear negative things. When you're playing good, you hear nothing. You don't hear the crowd. I don't understand when people sit around and go, man, you're the sixth man. No, that's not. When a guy gets in a groove, he gets in a groove. We do appreciate the crowd, though. Let me fix that. The same guys at Boo. Also chair. So I remembered that.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you remember some of the bigger talkers when you play?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Charles Barkley.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Larry Bird.

[Adam Carolla]

It was weird.

[Brian Bishop]

Bird.

[Adam Carolla]

Bird didn't seem like that big a talker.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, he's a whisperer.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a big talker. Oh, he's a whisperer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he's a big whisperer. He whispered something to Dr. J, and Dr. J punched him in his face. I mean, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's really.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Dr. J just went out, punched him in his face. Like, Bird would say all kinds of things. Like, one time he.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd he say to Jay?

[Brian Bishop]

I think, old man, it's my league now. Sit down. Or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

In Dr. J's last. Last week. But that's just. That's just Larry. I remember I was playing him. He said, you guys double teaming me? I said, nah, I got you by myself today. Mouse in the house. Like, Colt, change the play. Oh, really? Like, he was like, if you gonna go one on one, I'm gonna kill you one on one. He would say that you better ask for help because I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you on this call. And it's so funny because he's the blackest white guy you're ever gonna meet. And with that Southern accent. But he was. And then when you get to find out he's one of those guys like Elvis that played with all the black guys. So he, like Chris Mullen, he just got that talk. George Carl said, if you put a white guy with some brothers for 30 days, they come out sounding like brothers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I punch right in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. We're just watching. We're just watching footage of it. No, I know. I used to. Just a long weekend with Henry and James Boyd from my Pop Warner football team. And I was black. I absolutely mean it.

[Allison Rosen]

How long did it last?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thankfully, I was able to shower it off. Second I got almost. Second I got home. I don't mean thankfully, but, you know, but I was black while I was living in their house with their big, you know, that's my mama kind of mama and older brother and all black neighborhood. There's me and Henry Boyd back in 1973 or something like that. And my mom would drop me off in. I think they were in, like, they were in Pacoima. But they were in an all black neighborhood, and they just dropped. Just dropped me off for the whole weekend and just hang around, walk to the park, begin pickup games.

[Brian Bishop]

That's parenting.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what, to be honest, I don't know what year Roots came out, but I think she watched Roots and she was like, you gotta get some fucking culture here. Maybe this is pre. This precursor to Roots. But she's like, my mom doesn't like white people, so she's like, you better hang out with some black people. And she just dropped me off at the boy's house.

[Allison Rosen]

Did they know you were coming?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Adam's here.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I ask you a question since you're white? I want to ask all the white folks.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, for them, it was refreshing to have a white friend who had a shittier house than them. Like, it was very. It was unique, but refreshing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I grew up. My neighborhood changed, so all these guys grew up in my neighborhood. Finally, you see them when they get older. They all live in Long island now, but, you know, just make you. Make you get out of that neighborhood. Okay. Why are white folks so upset with Paula Deen?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, are we upset with Pauline?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, because I don't think any black people own any of those companies she got released from.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Yeah. I think that the deal is, here's what we do. I mean, what white people do. You guys should do this too. Like, if you get a mayor meeting. No, what I'm saying is, like, if your mayor gets caught smoking crack with a hooker, don't go, like, now, we've all made mistakes. You know, just go fuck that guy. You know, we get away from those people. Like, we don't go, listen, Anthony Weiner deserves his time. We're pretty much get away. I'm just saying to brothers, go ahead and get some distance to whoever's fucking up. And Paula Dean, what we do is we don't. There's a new thing now where we don't want to get judged with the person as a little bit of mob mentality, a little bit of just sort of piling on, little pig pile, little. Somebody gets knocked down and everyone just starts kicking them. And so we want to make sure that nobody thinks we're racist so that if we go over the top, it's.

[Allison Rosen]

A game we play called smear the racist.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. If we condemn her, the more so the more I condemn Paula Deen, the less racist you'll think I am. And the more I do it in a public forum, the better I seem. So there's two ways you can kind of make yourself seem like a good person or evolved person or a non racist or bigoted or whatever it is. You can sit around and talk about how much you love other races and what a non bigot you are, but that doesn't work that well. Or you can wait for other people, broadcasters and chefs and folks like that to slip up and then pile on and go, that's disgusting. Nobody should ever. But we did the same thing with kind of like Alec Baldwin and his kid and that kind of stuff too. We just. We take little opportunities.

[Brian Bishop]

Like no one's ever called their kid a name.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Call them the name today. You know, little knucklehead. You know, things like that. We.

[Adam Carolla]

We use these little opportunities to congratulate ourselves by condemning the actions of others in a way that's probably a little more grandiose than it needs to be. You know, leave Paula Deen alone, okay?

[Brian Bishop]

That's all I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she does cook a lot of animal. She makes a lot of flesh.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, a flesh eater.

[Brian Bishop]

I was going on that show and I was supposed to take a couple of her recipes and make them vegan without butter, but with better butter, like Earth Balance and all these different things. And then all those white folks kicked her out of every business they can possibly get her into.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The picture of her on my Instagram literally has more hits than anything else. Black people go, what do you think about her now? I go, like, y' all didn't ever think that white people said that word when they're ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, she said in 1987, I screamed it at the Boyd brothers.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that before or after your conversion to black with them?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was during my conversion of black with them, because this is 19. I don't know how you grew up, but these guys. I'll do the A version, but they all call themselves nigga all the time. That's how they referred to them each other, back and forth every time. And if one of them did a little shake and bake on the other one and left the other one in the dust and scored a touchdown, it was just, nigga, you got left in the dust. And that's how they talked.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how they talked down south to other.

[Adam Carolla]

Back and forth nonstop. And after about three days of that, when I did a little shake and bake, that's what I said. And then they all stopped and looked at me. It was a great moment. I went.

[Brian Bishop]

One of my best friends in college, Scott Pettway, is a white kid. I mean, red hair, freckles. And he was around us for so long just hanging with us. And somebody said something, and he was like, nigga, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

And the room got silent. And then I started laughing. And then everybody else started laughing, and it was like, all right, yeah, at least you said it at the right time, right?

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, this. This literally goes back 30 years, right? And she goes back.

[Brian Bishop]

I had to get on this show to say it. She admitted to saying it in 1987 and was crucified. If we were to go back and find out every word that any white person has ever said that was derogatory or any black person, no one would be in a job. Everybody. They act like this is not the country that started racism. Like, this is not the place it's built upon. They act like we've never heard it. That's what I don't understand. So I want all you white folks to know Paula Deen didn't offend us. Y' all just didn't want her to have a job.

[Adam Carolla]

She didn't offend us either, as much as we reacted. Yeah, we just went over the top. And, like, it's a lot of over the top. A lot of over the top.

[Allison Rosen]

See, that's what I've been thinking. Suddenly concerned about that. What if all this stuff that we've been talking about lately is just white people condemning other white people? And actually, the minorities that we're talking about don't give a fuck.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't, I say. I'm not gonna say. They don't give a fuck if they pay attention once it's brought up. I tell people all the time. I know Reverend Sharpton, and before we talked about what went on in Texas the first time when it was. No one heard about it. No one heard about it for three weeks. They had to find him and beg him to come down and bring some light to it. And I'm not saying it's okay. I'm just saying that black people for years have been going with the flow, seeing how things are, see it, understand, identify who that person, and we keep it moving. Well, I watch right now every time I go to do something funny on my podcast or do something on my Twitter, I gotta think. I gotta think, like, okay, they get mad at comedians for saying funny things. Right now. I'm not getting paid to be a comedian. I gotta watch every single thing. It's not even funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Who's the they that you're talking about here?

[Brian Bishop]

Whoever can take a check out of my pocket is a they.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, that's. That's the whole thing. It's a. It's a sort of form of extortion, which is the company will just cut bait with the person they're dealing with because they don't want to deal with any controversy, anything. They'll just be gone. I mean, that's why I like your part.

[Brian Bishop]

You're funny, and I always tell you that because you literally say what's funny. And you may, I guess, you think about it, it. But you say what's funny and true. A lot of times they get offended by the truth. A lot of people get offended by the truth. I just spoke at ucla, and it was about obesity and childhood obesity, and there was a lot of people in there that had some obesity situations going on. So I had to pick how I talked about it. So I said, not that I want you guys to be skinny. I just want you to be healthy. And that's what it really is. I just want people to be healthy. Be at that point. So I had to pick the words as opposed to, you shouldn't do this. Don't eat this. I just like, man, if, you know, when you eat vegetables, you lose weight. You should eat more vegetables. That's it. That's all I say, the more vegetables you eat, the better. I don't tell them not to eat meat. I just say, eat more vegetables.

[Adam Carolla]

What is your regimen? What do you do for breakfast? I know you rip a bong load, but then when it comes time to.

[Brian Bishop]

Eat, I must wake and bake at Blue Dream. Anybody wants to send some over? Then I have, like, hot ginger tea with coconut oil. I have field roast, which is like a sausage, but it's grain meat. Grits. I make grilled cheese, but I don't use regular cheese. I use veggie cheese, cashew cheese.

[Adam Carolla]

So far, only one of these things was on Mama Boyd's menu in the morning. I'm not gonna say which one, but you may have mentioned one was on Mama Boyd's menu.

[Brian Bishop]

When you look at the food, it looks just like the. It looks like the nasty dead carcass sauce that you eat. But mine is just grain meat.

[Adam Carolla]

What do we do? What do we do for lunch?

[Brian Bishop]

I eat a lot of greens. I drink a lot of alkaline water. Anytime I eat, like, three, four hours. Every three hours. Every four hours. As long as it comes off a plant out of the ground, I'll eat it.

[Adam Carolla]

What's a dinner? And what's, like, what is a Celebration graduation dinner for vegan. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Because what got.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I'm not a massive meat eater, but I'll go out and have a big porterhouse steak if there's a big to do or something like that. What will you do?

[Brian Bishop]

And you'll be really slow for the next three days. I'm like, tonight is my daughter's Tyler's birthday. She's 17. So we're going to Crossroads, which is a vegan restaurant by Tao Rogan on Melrose, and Travis Barker is part owner. So we'll go in there and blink.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Yeah, Blink 182.

[Brian Bishop]

And we'll design. He designs food. It's vegetables in different ways, and it's a really, really cushy, nice place. You got native foods, which is my favorite, which I would call a fast food or a quick. Got that in.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Adam, have you been to a vegan restaurant?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think I have.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There's some great ones here in la.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to go native foods.

[Brian Bishop]

You go to native foods first.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Is it gratitude?

[Brian Bishop]

But that's raw, and that's good, too. It's vegan raw. But, Adam, you want to go and get things like chicken fingers and an Oklahoma bacon burger and all that. But those are the same names and it has the same taste. It's just really.

[Adam Carolla]

Same taste, Same taste.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Remarkably so. The best thing that I get there at these places is like, fake nachos because they put a ton of, like, you know, seasoning on them, and it's a minor, minor texture difference, but it tastes very, very.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna try this out. You give me the names for foods cross country.

[Allison Rosen]

How long have you been vegan?

[Brian Bishop]

Six years today.

[Allison Rosen]

Happy vegan. Veganversary. What do you guys say? Irene. Vegans.

[Brian Bishop]

Happy Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

So on your daughter's 11th birthday, that's when you began.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it was a fight.

[Adam Carolla]

How much weight did you drop?

[Brian Bishop]

I dropped 31 pounds. Yeah, I was too stressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, a large BM for you, medium for large. There's a big fight in the family.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, man. My wife. I'm vegetarian. I'm not giving up birthday cakes, and I'm not giving up. Then I was like, okay, I'm not cooking it, and it can't be in my refrigerator.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she call you a cornball, brother?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Can't be in my refrigerator.

[Brian Bishop]

Can't be in my. I do the cooking in the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't be in the fridge.

[Brian Bishop]

I want it in the fridge. I don't want any debt. Like I tell people my body is not a coffin for decaying carcasses. This is not. And I'm not gonna have my refrigerator be the morgue, so I don't want it in my refrigerator.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you a vegetarian?

[Allison Rosen]

And then you have.

[Brian Bishop]

I was a vegetarian, but yeah, definitely Think about. I tell you, you have a. If meat is. This lady said, I don't care what you say, meat is good. I like the taste of meat. I said, then eat it raw with no seasoning. Let's see what happens.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm going to check out one of these places. We got some news to do. I'm going to give a little love to one of our fine sponsors. Why don't you get the news cranked up? Legal Zoom baby. Let's make a will month. You go vegan, you won't have to do this for a while, but you want to get it in place. What I say, I told you that if you don't have a will, at least in California, they collect all your stuff and they give it to the richest red haired guy on the planet.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, doesn't sound. And then he just.

[Allison Rosen]

And then he pushes it into the.

[Adam Carolla]

Ocean right off his yacht.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Pretty sure it's Brian Scalabrini.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, no, no, no, wait. They give it to P. Diddy like he needs it and he burns it. He burns it and you know what he does? He brings it to ancient Indian burial ground and then burns it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Very elaborate for multimillionaire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you want that to happen? Your stuff, your heirlooms. How about you want to give it to your kids, right? Not have P. Diddy burn it on sacred Indian ground. Yeah, that's not fair.

[Allison Rosen]

No way to be remembered.

[Adam Carolla]

Then go to legalzoom.com they can get you. By the way. You can get this thing finished online in just 20 minutes. You don't want the government P. Diddy dictating what happens to your property and your children. And let's get it taken care of. Legal Zoom. Make a will month. Let's do it now. Go to legalzoom.com and go today and save 15% to get your special discount. Be sure to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. For wills, powers of attorney, trusts and more, go to legalzoom.com LegalZoom can provide self help services in your specific direction or connect you with an attorney, but they are not a law firm. Let's do some news, baby girl. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes as bad as Alison Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

So in New York, a New York appeals court has struck down the ban on large sugary sodas. So they're saying that the ban on the sugary sodas is arbitrary and capricious. Now Bloomberg is saying this is just the beginning, but for right now, that ban has been struck down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm really torn here. Cause I do like the idea of them putting up things like caloric counts and things like that at fast food places and that kind of stuff. On the other hand, I have this feeling that you really need to be in charge of yourself. You gotta count your own calories.

[Brian Bishop]

But sugar's addictive.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. And so are cigarettes and so is booze, and so is sex, and so is a whole bunch of shit. I believe the sex thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Drew and I are. I don't think that's addictive unless you.

[Adam Carolla]

Do what you got to do. Jeff.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is this. The point is at a certain point, like, you know, you want the government to go, look, we're going to regulate air traffic controllers or, you know, we're going to have certain standards or certain things like that. The part where they really have to get in and start feeding the kids and doing the PSAs about kids getting fat and stuff. Once we lose that, we've lost that. Like at a certain point, your parents, you have to take responsibility. Yes. There's something called a 22 ounce Mountain Dew. You're not supposed to drink three a day. You're going to get fat. We could put it in a 16 ounce container and then you might drink four of them in a day. You're gonna find a way. It's sort of the same argument with drugs. They're out there. It's up to you to stay away from those things and to come from a family system that helps you with that. I just don't feel like banning this stuff is ever. And I'll bet you the same people, ironically, that are all. For Bloomberg, banning this would make the exact same argument against drugs. Basically saying, look, it's out there. You can't, you can't. This prohibition is not working against criminalizing drugs. Yes. Yeah. Meaning, yeah, it is the same thing. It's like, look, it's all out there. You make choices. You can't drive 10ft without passing a fast food joint with a drive throw.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, now, do you mean the same thing? Slippery Slope wise, because it's limiting the container, not really the substance.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess what I'm saying is there's a problem. It's kids being fat, it's adults being fat. And when the government gets involved and goes, we're gonna try to handle this, then you tend to sit back and go, yeah, you guys handle that. And then you get fatter. I don't want you in a you guys handle that mode. I want to go find a fucking full length mare, strip down your underpants, never stop throwing up. See, just see your titties and your stretch marks on the dudes and then go, fuck. I get my shit together.

[Brian Bishop]

Self responsibility.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I want. That's what I want. And I feel like each time the government takes one step forward, we take one step toward the sofa when it comes to that and their heart's in the right place. They're like, we need to address this problem. But they're never gonna have the time or the resources to fully address it. It's like if everybody wanted to become a criminal, there's just not enough cops. So you're gonna have to be your own sort of cop when it comes to eating. And believe you me, I would love to finish every single meal with a nice slice of apple pie a la mode, but I don't, because I'll get fat.

[Allison Rosen]

This is the first time I'm looking at it this way, which is that usually when people are all up in arms over, like, I don't want the government telling me what to do with my soda, they're taking away my freedom. Next they're coming for my light bulbs, et cetera, I feel like, oh, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

You know, and I agree with you that their heart is in the right place on this one. However, it does seem like a waste of time and manpower and resources to try to police soda.

[Adam Carolla]

I like I said, there's nuances. For instance, like I sat next to a dude on an airplane on the way into Boston and said his friend just got like Arizona iced tea or something and they opened a new bottling plant and all the bottles are like 16.4 ounces. And he would have to completely retool his entire factory. And then there's another guy who owns Dunkin Donuts. Evidently this guy runs with some pretty rich beverage dudes and they do the pre sweetened stuff and they couldn't sell their light and sweet. Whereas you could go to Starbucks.

[Allison Rosen]

What would Dixon do?

[Adam Carolla]

He'd open. Well, light and sweet, baby. He would go down to Starbucks and open 15 packets of sugar and just dump them all. It can't stop you from getting a 22 ounce coffee. And so there's always kind of ultimately, whether it's education, crime or obesity, we need to find a mirror. We need to find a couple of parents that are gonna instill these things. And we're gonna have to start taking care of it at home. That's. That's my deal. The government has historically done a piss poor job with those sorts of things. They're pretty decent with the air traffic control and, you know, I don't know, ups, maybe you. No, that's. Oh, is that them or remember when.

[Brian Bishop]

UPS went to go on strike and Reagan said, you can't do that?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought that was air traffic control.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember they came in and out they gave.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming down on Brown again.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. He's like, hey, not doing it racist. Get my stuff in.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're good at certain things, but they kind of like, here's how not to be a deadbeat dad, and here's not how to get fat, and here's not how they're not so good at that. And that's got to kind of come from the family. And that's your thing. Look, mama, if you have a nine year old and the nine year old is supposed to be 81 pounds and it's 181 pounds, then mama, when you go to the supermarket, it. Easy with the fucking bundt cake, bitch. Get your shit together. That's it.

[Brian Bishop]

I love you. I gotta go to my daughter's 17th birthday at Crossroads.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Well, I'll tell you what, we'll bring this home in the next three, four minutes.

[Brian Bishop]

Vegan.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you wait for that?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I just looked at the text and she was like, don't be late. Like, why not? She's gonna be 17.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's not even supposed to like you when she's 17. I know. She said something weird to me the other day.

[Brian Bishop]

She talked to me the wrong way and I said, you know what, if I didn't take those anger management classes, I would have smacked you in the mouth just now.

[Allison Rosen]

What'd she say? What'd she say?

[Brian Bishop]

She was like, look, you know what, I just don't feel like talking to you right now. And I'm not gonna talk to you right now. So when I feel like talking to you, I'll call you back. I said, if you hang this phone up, you won't have a phone.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Sally's like, I was on the bad boy Pistons. You don't talk to me that way.

[Adam Carolla]

That's exactly what I said.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, do you know I used to punch people for saying other stuff to me? You can't talk to me like that. And I was like. And I said. And then I thought about it. The house full of women. I said, wait a minute. What date is it? You know, I always have to. I always have to adjust when the PMS pack my suitcase.

[Adam Carolla]

Week comes, and I think that's pms. So I pack my suitcase.

[Brian Bishop]

As soon as I see that, I'm out. I was like, you know what? You're not feeling well today. No, I'm not. I was like, hey, I'm sorry. I'll be over here on the balcony smoking weed.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, technically, if you're vegan and there's blood coming out of them, that's animal protein. They really shouldn't be in the house. I agree with you, John. That's an attack.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, man, get going.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Don't.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

My fridge.

[Adam Carolla]

Take it to the fridge. It's out in the garage.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you want a weighty story or do you want a light story?

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do a light, fluffy one, and then we'll bring it home.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

A baby Zonkey, half zebra, half donkey, has been born at a zoo in Italy. Its name, I believe, is Ippo. Look how cute it is. That is cute, right? So that's the question. Who are these people? Who bred them? But no, they were just attracted to each other. And one, like, must have climbed over a fence or something to mount the donkey or the zebra.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. I don't feel like they're attracted to each other. I feel like the animal kingdom is one huge rape party. I really do. It doesn't seem consensual at all.

[Allison Rosen]

He might not have seduced her.

[Adam Carolla]

There wouldn't be a lot of. Yeah, there's not a lot of courting. It's not like, hey, you want some oats? Or Turf and oats. Love that band.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know there's. They have one position, which is, I'm gonna hold you down by biting the scruff of your neck and then fuck you from behind. They're always. It never seems like the chicks that into it.

[Allison Rosen]

No. Maybe she'll moan and you never know. Is that a distress.

[Adam Carolla]

You never see them, like, licking their hooves and then rubbing their nipples. You know what I mean? They always seem to be sort of miserable and grimacing and they. And when the guy's done, they're never like, hey, man, where you going? They're always, like, bitchy. Yeah. The guys have to chase him around and sort of tackle them. It's kind of rapey.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Who do you think?

[Allison Rosen]

Very rapey.

[Adam Carolla]

Very rapey.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The most chivalrous and romantic of the animals. My vote would go to the birds because they at least sing and put on some music for, you know, for foreplay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then there's the ones who do that, like, death dive where they fall. They fall.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Maybe you're shitting on my point a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they don't die. They do a dance, they do a dive.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh. Like a ceremony.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a death spiral. But they don't. They try to come out of it before they hit terra firma, but they do. I don't know what is the bird that does. You know, they get together and they do their thing and then they do this, like, death spiral, like, down. And then there's some. There's dumb animals that mate for life that give us a shitty name. People have to bring up, you know, pelicans, penguins, fruit bats are. But they can't get laid. That's why, believe me, if they were. They were professional athletes or comedians, they wouldn't be fucking mating for life. That's for goddamn sure. They're stuck on a block of ice. What the fuck you want them to do? Besides, they all look exactly the same. Tall blondes and plasti.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Latinos.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they care. All their choices are exactly the same. Of course, John has to deal with blondes and brunettes and Hispanics and black chicks. I mean, there's all different penguins in his life.

[Brian Bishop]

Different worlds.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, different worlds.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe they aren't really mating for life and we just think they are because they look the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're just fucking. They're fucking different penguins that look exactly the same.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a good way of thinking of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like to look at it that way. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the new Alison Rosenz. If it cunts.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. But I bet if they had, like, Yugoslavian leggy blonde penguins, they wouldn't mate for life. Those other penguins would dump their old stubby penguins and be with the hot blonde penguins.

[Allison Rosen]

But then all the regular penguins would try to, like, ban the Yugoslavian penguins.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Behind their back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But then there'd be the penguins that are into the chicks or squatty with the big booties, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Penguins, Chubby chasers.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, the black of the penguins. Yeah. A little more Black than white plumage. I. If penguins had the kind of variety that we have, maybe they wouldn't be mating for life. Maybe.

[Allison Rosen]

Definitely they wouldn't be.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

National Geographic on the COVID talks about how bad sugar is. And I still look at National Geographic and it has in there about the lions and it talks about like what the female lions like a darker mane and they follow one tiger. One lion called Seaboy and his crew fights another crew over a pride. You know, if you beat that crew, if you're stronger, then you get to have sex with all the females. It's a trip that these animals go through the same bullshit humans go through.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it's pretty much they want the best seed. They want the highest quality gene seed for their offspring. So obviously they want the dominant male. Here it turns into another thing. We want the smarter one that has more degrees and works harder and thus drives. It's not the Ferrari that they're attracted to. It's the gu who figure out a way to get the Ferrari. That's the seed. That's the seed they want. We want the high end seed. All right, where are we talking? Ah, Evoice, baby. That's right. They got your seed. Evoice. Why spend all that money with a secretary and someone answering your phone? You can seem like a big shot. With Evoice. You can try Evoice right now for free. Just go to evoice.com, use the promo code Adam. You get a virtual assistant. You can own your own toll free number, dial by name directory. Plus the calls are professionally answered and routed wherever you want. Evoice even types out all your voicemail messages and emails them instantly to you just like a real receptionist. Start at just 10 bucks a month. 10 bucks a month? That's like less than $3 a day, significantly. Okay, no, I said less. So want to try it for free? 30 days free. Go to evoice.com, promo code ADAM. Or just go to AdamKroll.com and click on the evoice banner. All right, again, I think I'm going to do that. Oh, it's great. And again, free. And then 10 bucks a month. How can you go wrong? Me and Jay Moore will turn theater coming up this Saturday. Road hard, my movie. We're going to crack 1 million [e-mail] AdamKroll so maybe you'll be the person that sends us over the top. Carmel, me and Dr. Drew. Sunset Theater in Carmel, August 16th. And John Salley, of course, the John Salley show. New episodes every Wednesday on itunes. I hope I'm on the show soon. I'll bring some Mangria and you can chug some vegan wine. And if you want to get some of the vegan wine, by the way, you can go to www.theveganwine.com. john, always great vegan vine love. Oh, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Vegan vine.

[Adam Carolla]

Vegan vine.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Vegan vine wine. But you can go veganvine.com.

[Adam Carolla]

That is my vegan.

[Brian Bishop]

And next time we're gonna talk about Vermex.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my other big push supplement.

[Brian Bishop]

Supplement.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, this is Adam Kroll for John Salley. Alison Rosen ball. Bryan saying mahalo. Well, I do kind of want him to like me. On the other hand, I don't want to have to face my friends when they call me a slut.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

All right, that's Adam Carlisle show 1132.

[Brian Bishop]

With the great John Salley.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla show 1134.

[Brian Bishop]

This is Allison, Brian, and Acemen for.

[Adam Carolla]

2013 comfortable shoe of podcasting.

[Brian Bishop]

Check it out.

[Allison Rosen]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

See Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Corolla, bald Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

I put bleach cheese on my.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Andrew Romick. Wanted that one for a couple days ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet. Top drops.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's right, top drop. We want to hear yours.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, much to talk about. We got some hobo power coming up. Boy, did I have a moment as a dad today trying to deal with this thing. I don't know how many hours a woman in her lifetime spends blowing hot air into one ear and then the other. It can't be good. And it seems like, you know, they do that thing where. Well, if you live in LA and you commute, it turns out over the course of 20 years, you end up spending 11 months sitting in traffic. And it's like one of those pathetic things. But the average woman spends, I feel like four years blowing hot air into her face, and it's not good.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I feel like Alison may be on the high end of that.

[Adam Carolla]

It depends what kind of hair you have.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Coincidentally, before the show, she was talking about her ear pain.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, headache. Pain you can't be made to have. First off, from a decibel standpoint, it sounds like a jet engine, and you hold it against your ear essentially, and then it just shoots out super hot air into your ear. There's no way we were made to create this desert wind.

[Allison Rosen]

Then why did God give us this kind of hair?

[Adam Carolla]

God should have let us be cool with you having frizzy hair.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Dogs are scared of it. That's the kind of the litmus test, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Dogs are scared of it. Oh, my God. But anytime you fire it up, Molly just fucking hightails it.

[Allison Rosen]

Wanna know what I do? Oh, sorry, go ahead.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, that's the litmus test. Is that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you should travel like, if you're ever in Alaska and you're in wolf country, travel with a battery operated hair dryer. It'll scare away a whole pack of. Even the whole pride will take off. Or the whole whatever they are. What is a fucking pack? It's a pack. Yeah, it's a pack.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, this will kill you, Adam. Sometimes when I'm blow drying my hair, I get hot. So then I get a fan and I have that blow at me at the same time.

[Adam Carolla]

Kill a watch. You ladies hate electricity.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The meter's smoking outside. It waves a white flag.

[Allison Rosen]

The whole house is dark at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, it's like a prison when they're electrocuting somebody. I was in my room skipping my rope, as I'm apt to do before I come in here. And I was done skipping my rope and I walked into the kids room and there was Natalia. Now Sonny's downstairs with his Legos building a spaceship and snapping things together. And Sonny and Natalia standing in front of the full length mirror in her bikini, brushing her hair, just brushing it. And I said, I don't know. I try to. I don't know what I try to do. I feel like Diane Weiss or something from Parenthood where I just want to go, oh, digging deep, I know. Oh, honey, you don't have to do this, you know, Demar the Plimpton. Jamar the Plimpton. Like, I'm like, you don't have to spend all this time standing, looking at yourself. And also, this can't poignant. It's not good for the future when it comes. Like, I know there's that part where it's like, we want to be pilots, we want to be engineers. You can't. If you spend this many hours in front of the mirror, it's just you can't get the training and the schooling and the whatever.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

If it keeps going this direction, Italia is going to end up dating Keanu Reeve, who's a race car driver, and shaving their heads.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And get her pregnant. So I was like, diane wais. Oh, honey, sweetie, no, no. We have the same haircut. I said, no, no, sweetie, you don't have to do that. And I took my big clamp on earrings off, and I said, sweetie, no, you don't have to. You're beautiful and you don't have to spend. You don't have to stand in front of the mirror. And she says, I have to, Daddy, I'm making a video. And I said, oh, sweet, sweet, sweet Natalia. No. And she said, I'm making a Rihanna video. I'm doing Diamonds in the Sky. And I was like, oh, God.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Shit. She's cutting this video as we speak.

[Allison Rosen]

Who's filming it?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a new app called Daddy's a Little Whore. I don't know what it's called. It's. It's an app that you put on your thing, and you can make videos and you can add. Sorry, you don't need a picture of me and Diane Weiss. But you. There's all. You can make all kinds of videos. Video. It does effects and does all this stuff. I mean, the kind of stuff you would need a control room to do in the 80s is now on the iPad. And they're all making videos. And now they want to post it on YouTube. And it's like, do you really want. That's forever. Do you want shit posted on YouTube of you? I mean, you're not doing it. You know, it's not you and Ray J in Cancun.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I wonder how forever it is, though. Only because everything's moving so fast now. And will you two be completely obsolete by the time she's 18?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's forever in the sense that it will probably be nothing. But if you decide to run for senator, it will come back, right?

[Allison Rosen]

If you decide, if someone wants to find it, they would be able to.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever the situation is. If you get. If you do run for senator, if you do. If you're seeking employment at whatever place and there's a security check or something, or even if just you become a comedian and you say something stupid and somebody wants to go find stupid shit on you and embarrass you or doctorate or whatever. It.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Here's a mindbender. Then at a certain point, will there be embarrassing footage or something of all of us? Will anyone be able to run for President Squeaky Claire or whatever. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

No, we're already there.

[Adam Carolla]

We're already there for a certain percentage.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it'll be like, piece. You know, we went from absolutely no pot to the Clinton thing, which is a smoke pot, but I didn't inhale. Which we should all look back on. Like we look back on the Village People and go, are you kidding me?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why didn't someone who was older Than me go, are you fucking nuts? Like, of course they're gay. Like, what are we doing? We all just kind of went, well, that sounds. That's feasible. Feasible. And then we're like, what? And then that gave way to Obama going, yeah, I smoke some weed. And now we're sort of, from this point on, just smoke weed.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And the whole thing is like, the president or the man running for president is always a photo op. When he sits down, has a beer with somebody in the diner. We're not that far off from the president. Just, oh, sharing a joint with somebody.

[Adam Carolla]

That'S 20 years down the road ripping a bong leg. Sharing a.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

I also had this thought. I don't know why, but I was hearing the news and I. I'm obsessed. People tweet me things that sound better than they are. Garnished wages, casualty of war. New one I haven't thought about. Relieved of duty. Sounds good.

[Allison Rosen]

It really does. Sounds refreshing.

[Adam Carolla]

You're absent duty. You've relieved yourself of duty. Sounds good. Really. It's a horrible, horrible thing in a man or woman's career when you are relieved of your duty. It is bad times as brigadier general or top cop or whatever it is, but sounds so good.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's like, resignation accepted. It's like, oh, that's very generous for you to resign. It's like, no, no, your resignation will be accepted in about 10 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

So people tweet me those all the time. So, yeah. Lynette is preparing Natalia for her Rihanna video now. And then it's like, Jesus Christ. I mean, you know, there's that thing where you kind of grew up and you had your icons and they were wearing their skimpy tight dresses or whatever it is, but Rihanna, that's a new level there. That's a whole new thing.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know how she's dressed in that video. Is she wearing a bikini?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I think that was pre outfit. When I got downstairs, she was wearing all black and had side of her head shaved. Pretty. Chris Brown was beating the shit out of her.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's pretty bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Is anything worse than Madonna's cone bra and underpants, though?

[Adam Carolla]

I did the move, by the way, when Chris Brown was beating the crap out of her where Olga tried to step in. I put my hand out. Let it go, let it go, let it go. They used to happen in every good 80s movie when two dudes were going at it. There's when someone tried to let. Let him finish Me remember when dudes.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Are allowed to fight at they're allowed to fight Lethal Weapon?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Stand back. No backup.

[Adam Carolla]

Let him go. Yeah. Used to be a time when a dude could just go, all right, I'm taking my badge off. You're taking your badge off. Stand back. And they just fucking go at it. Yeah. It was good times. All right, what were we talking about?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you mentioned that. Oh, yeah, the haircut that she had half her head shaved. I wanted that haircut. I so badly wanted the asymmetrical hair, not the Rihanna haircut. But do you remember back in the 80s, the asymmetrical hair that started short on one side and got long on the other?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It was around the time everyone was dying their jeans with RIT dye.

[Adam Carolla]

It had.

[Allison Rosen]

Parents would not let me have that.

[Adam Carolla]

It had the chick from Bow Wow Wow haircut. Remember the chick from Bow Wow Wow haircut?

[Allison Rosen]

What was her name?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Something. But I interviewed her on Loveline. Boy, was she a cunt. And she was really bitchy. That much I remember. But I also remember she was like 15 when she was doing that album cover where she was like, topless or something. So maybe we've been fucked up longer than I thought. It's nice to know. All right, we have Hobo Power. We have me and Jay Moore and Bill Simmons at the Will Turn theater. We're gonna do basic cable classics. We're going with all of the Fast and Furious movies, by the way. That's the new edict. I told Bill Simmons today, listen, f Cliffhanger. I watched it last night and ended up enjoying it. I said, let's just open up to all the Fast and Furious movies.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

This will be a 24 hour show.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going round the clock. Yeah. And then me and Jay Morrow get out there at the end. So still a couple tickets available for that. And by the time you're hearing this, I suspect road Hard. My next movie will be crossing the million dollar mark. All thanks to you people out there. And I really do appreciate it. I was trying to sort of reconcile this, and I'm not sure if. I'm not sure how much of this we got into. I never remember the podcast was I talking to Dr. Drew, but I was talking to Dr. Drew about the fact that I have to reconcile emotionally in a good way. The fact that I grew up in this sort of vacuum where people just kind of went. Like I said, hey, here's a funny joke. And they went, uh huh. And I just kind of looked down. Or nobody said, hey, write that down. Or that's a good one. Or one day you'll be on Johnny Carson telling the jokes instead of watching at home. Or like it was just such a vacuum of everything just to kind of. It wasn't, you're stupid. You'll never amount to anything. In a weird way it was worse. It was just like, uh huh.

[Allison Rosen]

It was like you don't exist.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why are you telling me? Going from that to a million dollars of essentially strangers who are fans but not family members. It's a weird thing to pack into the same lifetime.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Speaking of reconciling things, be honest. In your mind you are going to achieve the million dollars goal in less time than maybe you anticipated. Did you have a sort of. Everyone has a sort of contingency plan in the back of their mind if things don't go the way they want them to. Do you if you got to 600,000 over them over a month, would you.

[Allison Rosen]

Have bit a cyanide bullet?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah. Considered a failure. Did you have a continuing plan?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have, you know, I don't know if this is great advice or not. I have this, this thing in life where trying to fix my screen over here. I have this thing in life where, you know, people say, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do then once you have the movie done, what are you gonna do? And I go, I have no idea. Well, theatrical release, Netflix, like how are you gonna do it on demand? I go, I never, I. All I think about is the script right now and I want to make the best movie I can make. And then if I make the best movie I can make, then that will set me up to be in the best position for the next step. So I always sort of think that way and I never really have expectations. I am surprised that we got to a million dollars in with still two weeks left. My plan was always whatever it is we make, however much it is, that's how much will go toward the movie. And then we'll have to go rattle the can and try to figure out how to make it whole, so to speak. So if we made 650k, that's 650k more than we had. If we made 110k, that's 110k more than we had. And then we'll figure out how to go out and rattle the can and.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Figure it out the rest of the process easier. If you're saying, hey investor, we have this actor attached and we have this amount of money from fund anything or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, for me would just be like, well, if we got 100 grand. Then we have 10% of the budget, and we're that much closer. It's gonna take that much longer, but we'll just go do it that way and everything will be gravy. And this is far exceeded my wildest expectations. All right, so we have hobo power. Do you guys have stuff up there that you. That you like, that you see? Oh, we got an exciting for hobo power. Adam's unit of stink measurement. Beautiful stuff. Hear the mighty rush of the engine. Hear them along some hobo's call you give us your stink story and we'll rank the funk.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do now what this all came about because I said we have, you know, kilowatts and leagues and, you know, kilometers and I mean meters and all. We have a unit of measurement for everything. Yes, yes, everything. Torque, everything but stink. And I just said hobo power. Now remember, 50 points is a cat.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

1 to 100 scale.

[Adam Carolla]

1 to 100 theoretical. No one's ever experienced it or lived.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Or lived to tell the tale they have.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. 50 is a cat that's been fed nothing but blue cheese, defecating on a white hot hibachi. And the plume that comes off of it, that. That's 50, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

And isn't it like you can't get a score of something unless you've yacked?

[Adam Carolla]

I like to. I like to say, but we all have our different thresholds, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

But I.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice if you're getting over 25. It'd be nice if you boot. Yes. Right. All right, you have one up there.

[Allison Rosen]

Line five.

[Adam Carolla]

Line five. You like?

[Allison Rosen]

It's turning my stomach.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Jim. 48, Illinois. Where you calling from?

[Caller/Guest]

Algonquin, Illinois.

[Adam Carolla]

Love it. My favorite vacation destination.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, is it? No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

What's going on here? Well, I'm calling because I work in the healthcare industry. There's this guy who was complaining of pain in the right big toe. I had this small examination room, and so I got the history, and then when he took off, his shoes just sunk the whole room. It's a rotting big toe.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you a doctor or you just have a fetish?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're a doctor?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Ear, nose, and toe. Spreading it up, you know, spread it out. You know, just shaking things up a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

Bigger surface area.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Cover more ground. What kind of doctor are you, Jim?

[Caller/Guest]

I use internal medicine.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it like gangrene had set in?

[Caller/Guest]

Gangrene? Well, gangrene with a lot. You know, it's an early gangrene tusks coming out, so I had to get out of the room. So, number one, to vomit.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did. Yeah, he did vomit.

[Caller/Guest]

Number two, to tell my assistant to set up because the patient needs to go to the hospital.

[Adam Carolla]

As a doctor, you must have a higher threshold for vomiting, right?

[Caller/Guest]

I've seen maggots in decaying flesh, but this time, I don't know. Maybe I haven't been exposed for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

You've seen maggots and decaying flesh on cadavers or on people that were alive?

[Caller/Guest]

People that are alive.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They're not living, though, which is alive.

[Adam Carolla]

I was kidding about the vacation destination a few minutes ago, but now I couldn't be more serious. Wait a second. You've examined people that have had wounds and things that had maggots in them, and they walked themselves into your office?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, during training.

[Adam Carolla]

During training. But they were.

[Caller/Guest]

During training. But not this reason. 1.

[Adam Carolla]

They were. The people were able to walk around, and they had maggots.

[Caller/Guest]

Maggots, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's a pretty good one, too. All right, I'm gonna end the toe eventually. It had to be amputated, or did you keep it?

[Caller/Guest]

The patient ended up in the hospital, had the toe amputated, has to be on I antibiotic for a long time. But he's well now.

[Adam Carolla]

He's well and back to place kicking for the bears or. What's he doing?

[Caller/Guest]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right, Jim, I'm gonna give you. You did throw up, right?

[Caller/Guest]

You're sounding so like.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It was an enclosed space right Inside of a hospital room, examining room or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

It was indoors.

[Allison Rosen]

He said it was a small room.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was good. That's good. He did throw up. You know, I feel like the maggot flesh story was. You know, we normally don't combine scores, but that was a nice little starter. That was a little super salad at the beginning of the vomit dish.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, if anything, it gave some perspective to this smell. It's like I've smelled maggots in skin.

[Adam Carolla]

He's seen. Yeah. I mean, he's seen that. Yeah, I'm gonna.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but he didn't make it come alive for me. Do we deduct points for lack of sparkling storytelling?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point. You don't paint a good picture with your words, Jim, which probably means you're a fine doctor.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, I was calling for the smell, not the maggots thing. The maggots happen during residency, during training.

[Allison Rosen]

There's no statute on hobo power.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. He's got. He sounds like a combination of Cheech. No, no, Chong. He sounds like Chong and Norm MacDonald.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he Canadian or is he, like. Like, Indian or what? Sounds hot. What's your nationality, Jim?

[Caller/Guest]

I'll give you three guesses then.

[Adam Carolla]

Indian. Indian. Indian. Canadian.

[Caller/Guest]

No, I'm not Indian.

[Adam Carolla]

Canadian.

[Caller/Guest]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the Illinois thing.

[Caller/Guest]

I guess I'm the same as Laxamana.

[Adam Carolla]

Filipino or something unemployable. I don't know what he is. What is that guy?

[Allison Rosen]

He's a Filipino.

[Adam Carolla]

Filipino. You're Filipino, but you're a doctor, right? Yeah, he's a peon. So, Jim, you're Filipino?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And no time in Canada was spent by you?

[Caller/Guest]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I know. I said that like Yoda. Thanks, Jim. Jim. And what we're saying is if you could paint a more colorful picture with your Filipino tongue, we would score more points for you. I hate that that factors in, but it just does.

[Allison Rosen]

It just does. Where does she mean? What did it smell like?

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, well, it's indescribable. I mean, it made me vomit. It stung the whole room, that nobody can go into the room for one to two hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a regional dish would be nice. You know what I mean? Again, in terms of painting a picture.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you make us taste this toe. Next caller.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Jim. Thank you, buddy. Oh, by the way, Filipino. Is it Jim, really, or is it a crazy name that you just went with Jim because you don't want to annoy all the round eyes.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't want to be known by my patients, though.

[Adam Carolla]

But maybe a crazy name, right? It sounds like all your patients are homeless anyway.

[Caller/Guest]

No, he was not homeless.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he wasn't homeless.

[Caller/Guest]

He was not homeless.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he, shoeless?

[Caller/Guest]

No, he was not homeless. He's a working man.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Toeless.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a working guy. Didn't have enough time to tend to his foot. All right, we've gone too deep.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Line four is a decent follow up. Speaking of rotting flesh.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Joey.

[Caller/Guest]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to do this in the morning show. Everyone would get pissed at me because they're like, I'm trying to eat my fucking breakfast. Joey. Paramedics. Yes, sir, California 30. What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

All right, well, so we got called out to this house, shoot, probably a couple months ago now. And we got on the pager, said the patient be large or morbidly obese. So first off, when you walk in the house, I mean, I don't know what smell worse was the house or the patient. But this guy It's a queen size mattress, you know, no mattress cover on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller/Guest]

And he's covering the entire mattress. So he's that large.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller/Guest]

So. But he's calling for chest pain. So I'm the only paramedic on scene so far. And so I told my partner, grab me the, the monitor, the cardiac monitor. I'm getting ready to set up ekg. And when you do that, you got to kind of place it, you know, on the chest and then around the left side of the chest to get a good reading, make sure the guy's not having a heart attack. And obviously, the guy that big, he's probably at a high risk for a heart attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Are they putting. Hold on, you're putting the sticky things on.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, the electrodes. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on one second. I forgot to complain about this. I had to go get my physical for my racing license. And they had to do the EKG thing where they take your shirt off and you lay on the table. And again, the semi attractive young woman just sort of handles you, puts stuff on your titties and stuff. And she had this. It just kept falling off. This kept falling off. And I have some hair in my chest, but it's not that hairy. Just kept falling off, kept falling off. And at a certain point she called like a guy in. He's like, yeah, those. Those stickies are no good. And she was like, oh, yeah, you've got the new stickies. And, oh, those things work much better because each time they hook them up, then they go, try to do the thing. Then one falls off. Then they go, put that one on. Then the other one falls off. Took a half hour of laying there on my back. And I said to the guy, yeah, the guy. The guy did the. Yeah, this box of stickies. These kinds. These kind are no good. But he starts, of course, to go, put him away. And I go, hey, throw him out. And he laughs, you know, he's like. And I'm like, no, listen to me. Fucking throw him out. So we don't have to do the dance of the tards. What is that?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You really are a great comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

That impulse. We're like, yeah, these ones are no good. Anyway. Put those on the shelf again. Like, just fucking get the fuck out of here. They don't work. Yeah, you admitted they don't work. Why are we wired that way? Pardon the pun.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it like it's someone else's decision to throw out the defect stickies?

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, don't worry, there's only like 11 left in the box, it's like 2. No, no one should have to go through this again. I'm a half hour on my back and I keep falling off while she's trying to get the thing hooked up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Is it possible that it's technically medical waste and he has to dispose of it correctly?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just think he didn't want.

[Allison Rosen]

To make the decision.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, stickies on the fat guy.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. So anyways, the guy's got a bunch of rolls right now.

[Adam Carolla]

He did throw them away. I made him throw. Throw them away, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Good, good.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's got a lot of rolls. Well, that's good.

[Caller/Guest]

We use different stickies out in the. Out in the field versus the hospital, we use a different kind of electric, so. So of course, I got to move the fold to try to get a good 12 liter EKG for this guy. So as I go to move one of the molds or the. Sorry, the fold, basically just imagine, visually, it looks like cottage cheese made of human flesh. So because there's those. Those folds have probably not been moved and, I don't know, birth somewhere around there. Hold on, hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we give a number? Did we give a number to our first caller?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think we did.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he threw up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Toe was amputated.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Closed base.

[Adam Carolla]

Hard to punish him. I mean, he has a. There's cultural disadvantages, you know, Filipinos.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I'm sure if we were, you know, back in. In his native tongue, he'd be weaving quite a yarn, you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, listen, I'm a more open minded. I'm gonna give him a 29.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a very solid high score.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, again, I don't want to.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm not saying it's too high.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to penalize him for his cultural, you know, English may not be his first language.

[Allison Rosen]

And also because I'm the Simon Cowell at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, all right, I'll give him a 28.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

All right, we talked it down.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. I'm sorry, Joey. Yeah. Kind of cheese in the fold.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, yeah, so that's what it looks like physically, but so I get it. It just hits you like in the back. Your throat.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller/Guest]

So basically my partner was maybe a few feet away from me, and then he hightails it out of there. Luckily, the fire department gets on scene at that point, so I have some hands to help me out in. You're like, hey, is your partner okay? I'm like, why but he's on the. He's on the. On the driveway, throwing up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, partner. Yeah, this is good. Yeah, I had to go deep now.

[Caller/Guest]

So basically, you know, I guess the previous caller, Jimmy, didn't give a good description. So I'm gonna do my best for you guys. So imagine like an ashtray, right, that you see a crappy party with. It's, you know, in the U. Bing. Coffee cup, the big cans, you know, metal cans. So imagine an ashtray that's just full of cigarettes, right? And then you have somebody that urinates in that can after they ate a whole bundle of asparagus, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Slow down. You're making me hot. What's that? Go ahead.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, so then they take that, you take all those cigarettes, you pour them into a fake leg, they go run a marathon. Then you take. Then you take. You take the residual, you pour it onto carpet. In a house with no ac, you lock all the windows and doors for about a week. Have about 110 degree heat, and that's pretty much what you got.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Now that's painting a picture with your tongue and part of your nose.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Extra point for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You're 30. I'm gonna just declare him the winner. Wow, I'm being nauseated by these stories, by the way. This is the worst game ever.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, the description of the hollowed out leg with the cigarette butts and the urine and the running marathon. We got a guy calling from Afghanistan. I feel like we should talk to him. I feel like it's almost our duty. That's right. We don't want to be relieved of that. Wyatt.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, how's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

What time is it where you are right now?

[Caller/Guest]

It is currently 7:09am and what kind.

[Adam Carolla]

Of deployment are you on in Afghanistan?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm with the Air Force out here and actually they're kind of drawing down, so we're kind of retrograding everything. It's actually getting progressively shittier while we're out here.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you. What do you do for the Air Force?

[Caller/Guest]

I work in communications. Basically, I just manage a computer shop. So all the software and hardware issues with just your standard desktops across base, we handle those issues.

[Adam Carolla]

You ever see any action?

[Caller/Guest]

No. Last I came out here two years ago and I was with the army at a more remote spot, and that was a little bit more exciting. But this is pretty boring. Honestly. I'm not gonna try, and not gonna try and sugarcoat it like it's something hardcore, like I'm Rambo or something.

[Adam Carolla]

When are you coming back to the States?

[Caller/Guest]

I'll be back in November.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by the way, in the. Sounds better than it is. Parris island, where they do all the bathing, all the basic training. I don't know where.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Parris island does sound like a nice retreat.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds really fucking nice. You got an island in it. Meanwhile, all there is is, like, a rope ladder and some log. A log obstacle course. And Arlee Ermey, what is your major malfunction?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so I gotta find out where Parris island is. So white. You're boring. Allison, over here. So let's get this cranked up. Afghanistan. How's the chow?

[Caller/Guest]

It's okay. But after being here for this long, I mean, I've been here for, like, two and a half months now. It's really monotonous. And it's hard to eat. So hard to eat the same food every day. So I kind of just eat the food I get in care packages.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Now, who sends those. Who sends those care packages? South Carolina is where Parris island is, by the way. Who sends your care packages?

[Caller/Guest]

Friends and family? My mom sent me a couple. My aunt sent me a couple. I just had a couple of my buddies that I was previously stationed with in the States, a couple girls.

[Adam Carolla]

What's a good. What's a good haul? Like, what are you looking for? I mean, obviously the egg salad didn't work out, right?

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you got to send stuff that's, like, in cans and stuff like that, right?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, canned chicken. I will put on, like, salad stuff, soup, like Campbell's, chunky soup, things like that. Just like you said, canned stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, is it a little like, prison? Like, if you got a can of Hungry man, you know, Campbell's, you know, big time chunky soup, can you trade it for a six pack or a pack of cigarettes or something like that?

[Caller/Guest]

Some people probably would actually quit smoking since I've been out here, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Well. Or I'm just for oral sex or whatever. You know what I'm saying?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's a currency.

[Adam Carolla]

As a currency, you know? You didn't give up oral sex, did you?

[Caller/Guest]

No, no. Food like that isn't that scarce out here. It's not. It's not the end of the world apocalypse yet.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right. I just want to say hi to you, Wyatt. I don't want to hear your grotesque story. My stomach's starting to hurt out here.

[Caller/Guest]

There is what they call. You can Google it. It's essentially. It's a giant shit pond with about.

[Adam Carolla]

God bless you all right? I was trying to. All right, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

I actually. I feel physically ill a little bit. From the story of the cottage cheese and the man's flesh. Yeah, it's like, that guy was really good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, that guy was good. But. So what do we want to give him? We just gave. We just. He's declared the winner.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you gave him a 30, didn't he?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's declared the winner. Winner. Yeah. I'm gonna. I'm just gonna go ahead and call him a winner, by the way. Thank you. Smell you later. The Adam Carolla show honors journalistic excellence with another great moment in local news.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm Susan Hirasuna.

[Adam Carolla]

Tonight, want to drink? Like Jay Z, his personal mixologist shakes up the rapper's favorite cocktail. Tonight at 10. The Spirit of Murrow and Cronkite live on. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show. Mike Stanley's on the phone. Mike Stanley's from Chicago. Mike Stanley is a comic from Chicago. Mike Stanley has helped us out.

[Caller/Guest]

Mike, get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on. My brother.

[Caller/Guest]

How are you doing, man?

[Adam Carolla]

Good. I should tell people that we're doing a digital party on Facebook to celebrate the success of Fund Anything and the campaign, and Mike shared it with 4000 fans. So thus he is on the pod today. Also submitted standup. How's the standup going, Mike?

[Caller/Guest]

It's going good, actually. I'm out of Chicago now. I moved to la, and I've been there for, like, a month, and then I had to immediately go back on the road, and I've been on the road for three months straight, so I'm kind of in between. Right now. I'm in Detroit, which is where I'm originally from.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was watching some of your comedy, and it was really funny from talking about being from Detroit, and it's.

[Caller/Guest]

Funny to be back here. And they claimed bankruptcy while I was here, which was hilarious. That was like your gay friend coming out of the closet. Yeah, we already know.

[Adam Carolla]

We knew. We support you. We get it. When Lance Bass announced he's gay, everyone was bowled over with a feather. Yeah, My big beef was with Detroit, as I've said. I stayed at, like, the Detroit Marriott, and it was snowing, and my view out my window was the roof of another building that had, like, a big air conditioning compressor on it. And then the freeway and then a sign of a missing child by the side of the freeway, you know, with a reward thing. That was my view through the snow. But every time I clicked on my Marriott tv, it was, we have Other exotic Marriott destinations. Max, Maui, Kauai, Bora Bora. And it's all these island shots with people going down like water slides and stuff. And I'm like, don't do this to me, you fucking. I want to kill myself now. Looking out the window at the missing kid. Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

Taunting you with nicer places you could be instead of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I've said the policy should always be you can only show lesser Marriotts, like wherever you are.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Thank God you're not here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. If they have it Beirut, Marriott or one into Crete, then you can show that. Because I'm staring a picture of missing kid that's covered with snow.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, yes.

[Caller/Guest]

Your view could have. Your. Your view could have been like down the barrel of a gun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. To be fair, to be.

[Caller/Guest]

It could be worse to be fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, there was a guy smoking out, you know. You know, there's no smoking indoors anymore, obviously, which is alright when you're from California, but when you're from Detroit and it's snowing outside, you have to go. Poor guy. To go sit by a vending machine outside, like covered with snow. Like he was covered with snow. Like trying to smoke in a snowstorm made it that much sadder.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's commitment.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's Coney Island Dogs. Can you please, Mike, as someone from that area, please tell me how Coney island dogs work. There's one Coney island dog, then there's I don't know what store, and then another Coney island dog right next to it. And they're almost.

[Caller/Guest]

I think that's a feuding family. That's like an ongoing feud between Lafayette and National. Coney island is what you're talking about. That's like an ongoing feud.

[Adam Carolla]

Like there. Oh, so that's like the hat tarts and the tart coys because they've opened the same shitty restaurant 40ft, not 40ft, 9ft away. And they have the same scary people working at both places.

[Allison Rosen]

They're totally different.

[Caller/Guest]

What's a better hangover food than those. Those like. That's really the pinnacle of hangover food.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. Listen, I don't mean to offend any of the good people from the bankruptcy of Detroit, but I will say this. We made a point to go to Coney Island Dog. Mike August, who eats like a stoned pelican, was very excited about going to Coney Island Dog and never stopped complaining about what a medio ochre hot dog it was. I mean, he ate six of them and all the chili fries as well. But he never stopped complaining the entire time.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He's a terrible.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know, man. I don't know what's in them.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't ask. I just. If you're from Detroit, you just grow up. You're just ingrained with that in your system.

[Adam Carolla]

And the dawn of the Dead extras that work at that place, that. That's really the reason you go there. Crazy.

[Caller/Guest]

It's terrifying. I think it's. Hell has a bit about how just the Detroit just looks like the apocalypse already happened. I mean, he talks about it, I think, but it's. I mean, it's bad, man. It's. It's pretty bad. I'm not gonna lie. It just keeps getting worse. And I love it. I support it, but it's like, man, it's just fucked. At this point, the politicians have pretty much just drained any income whatsoever. I mean, we had that Kwame Kilpatrick guy who was basically like Suge Knight with a stash. I mean, he basically just picked up the city and just shook as much money out of it as he could. I mean, it's just. It's real bad.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're out of there. You're on the road. What's. What's life on the road like for you? Are you headlining? Are you middling? Are you opening? What do you do?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm headlining. I've been headlining since 2006. Unless I play, like, the improv. Like, I'll be at the Tampa Improv next week with momandel. But that's really. I mean, those are the only places that I. That I end up featuring, which is fine with me. I don't mind featuring for guys like that. I mean, like, the higher caliber guys, you know, like, I just did, just for laughs. I was with Artie Lang. It's like, I'll feature for those dudes. That's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Artie Lang. Don't you love Artie Lang?

[Caller/Guest]

He was the sweetest guy, man. I honestly, like, he was. He was the sweetest guy I've ever worked with. He was just such a nice guy. And then he invited me out to New York to do his TV show. And hopefully we can put that together.

[Adam Carolla]

December, when I'm out. I'll say this about Artie Lang. It's a business where everyone has an excuse. Like, so and so can't make this or that, because so and so has to be. And most of it is bullshit. Artie Lang had a pretty good excuse for not doing our Live stand up show at Caroline's, which is on the other side of town, you know, 60 blocks away. He had to do his show, which starts promptly at 10 o' clock at night. So our show started at 8. He could have easily said, I gotta get there by nine and do prep and, or whatever, I gotta leave an hour early or I have to, or just I have to work that night. Yeah, not only did he do our show, he stayed until like 9:35. And he went, as long as I have time to make it, we'll be fine. And to be fair to me, I went and did his show.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And on top of that, he always brings it as a guest. He never mails it in.

[Adam Carolla]

You know why? And Mike, maybe you feel this way too. As I always say, don't do it for me, do it for you. Do you want people going, hey, that guy Mike Stanley kind of sucked, or hey, I usually think Artie's pretty funny, but not so much on the last podcast. It's nice for me that you're bringing it, but it's better for the audience and then ultimately better for you because that then becomes your fan base as well.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Real quick. You talk about instilling in your kids like a motor, which is really good. Another good skill is just the desire to outperform no matter what people expect of you always wanting to do a little better. Artie's at a certain point in his career, he's established, he's well known, but he always seems like he wants to at least do what people expect, if not a little better. Well, and also, and there's other comedians obviously, who don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Once you set that bar of, oh, Artie's always funny on Adam's show, then Artie always has to be funny on Adam's show. Mike, you don't have to be funny because you don't have a rich history of being funny on my show.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Caller/Guest]

No one knows who I am too, so there's no real pressure here for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah. Let's start off with setting the bar fairly low. So you shared this with 4,000 fans, the virtual party.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know if you saw, but the number jumps pretty quick. Everybody jumped on it and they're going to show up to this party, man. It's going to be great. I'm super excited.

[Adam Carolla]

You can go to www, Which I said we don't need to say.

[Allison Rosen]

You said it more than you normally do there.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, because this one, I feel like it needs a.partyadamshouse.com and check it out. Get your invite to the party. Mike, thanks so much.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, man. Thanks for having me. I'm looking forward to the movie, and I support it, man. I like the grassroots operation. I'm glad no Hollywood fox are kind of tinkering with it, and it's all yours, man. I think that's. It really changes the game for everybody, I think, just to be able to watch someone like you just take it to the next level and do what you want to do on your own terms. And I'm happy to be a part of it, man. I'm really looking forward to it. I hope you guys select me to be in it, because I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm road ready, and I'm hard. So there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. I love. I, like, always end with homoerotic overtones. That's what my grandfather used to tell me, when you're trying to get a gig, always go homoerotic. Thanks, Mike. We do appreciate it. Yeah. Life on the road, man. And again, Mike's younger, and you think about the on the road at 27, 28 versus 4000, 748. It's cool when you're 27, 28, I mean, it's. First off, your body's a machine where you can dump all the Coney island dogs and fast food and booze into it you want. You don't really get fat, and you can fuck whatever you want. You can do drugs if you're single, then it's.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's meeting single people every night. People want to buy you beer, and.

[Adam Carolla]

What'S waiting home is a bunch of shitty roommates in a crappy apartment. But when you're 48, little different scene on the road. And that's a lot of what the movie's about. Thanks so much. All right, we got some news, baby. We normally give it short shrift, and in this case, we're going whole hog, baby. The news with Allison Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her, I believe. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

So Russia has granted temporary asylum to Edward Snowden. He's the NSA leaker. And the U.S. administration is, quote, extremely disappointed with this decision. It's kind of a fuck you from Russia.

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like, shouldn't Russia be on best behavior mode? You know what I mean? Like, that mode, you know, the mode that guys go into after they get busted for cheating. You know what I mean? And then the wife says, hey, the Notebook's coming on TNT tonight. Want to watch that? Fuck that. Yeah. Right?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, I would love to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. As soon as I'm done making.

[Allison Rosen]

I was going to suggest it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I already said the dvr, actually. Funny, as you mentioned, as soon as.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm done making you a lasagna, sweetie, and, you know, pushing your cuticles. Yeah. Not like. Are you kidding?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So Russia, between the 20 million dead and the Gulags and Stalin and the fucking, you know, Soviet. The East Berlin and the whole. You know, all. The whole Cold War and the whole Cuba thing and everything's like, haven't you fucking guys fucked up the world enough? Like, shouldn't you just be in. Shouldn't you be in sort of repair mode, like. Like, you know, like a celebrity that fucking got caught on YouTube beating up somebody or punching paparazzi or something?

[Allison Rosen]

Control mode. I don't think they see it that way. I know we do.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think most people don't, though. Like, the person that gets away with the thing doesn't automatically snap to it. Like, it's the Mel Gibson thing. It's the Chris Brown thing. It's there. Once they get away with the initial thing or they've gotten past the initial.

[Allison Rosen]

Repercussions, they become insufferable.

[Adam Carolla]

I said to Dennis Prager, who studies the Soviet Union, who speaks Russian, who's traveled everywhere, and who's the most devout Jew you've ever met in your life? I said, who do you wish was not born, Hitler or Stalin? Stalin. Like, who? And he had to really think about it.

[Allison Rosen]

Is this a game you guys play to pass the time?

[Adam Carolla]

We do usually when the kids gather around the parlor because, you know, obviously he's Jewish and Hitler, you know, not a great track history with the Jews, but Stalin, ultimately. Bigger, greater body count.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that what he's basing it on?

[Adam Carolla]

Done more damage? That's what I. That's why I wanted to vex him with this question. But he had to really think about it. He probably said, stalin, Russia's just a pile of shit. I don't get it. By the way, I call Russia a pile of shit every 10 minutes. How come no comedians call me racist? You ever think about that?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, I was just gonna make the.

[Adam Carolla]

Point that they're a culture. I call them a pile of shit all the time. No, there's zero problems from anybody in the media about me calling Russia a pile of shit. All the time. They're their own culture, just like Mexico's their own culture. Right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

We can call you a racist for that too if you want.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying I call Russia a pile of shit all the time. And I keep going, what's wrong with Russia? And what the fuck's going on? And shouldn't they be. And no one ever says a word about it.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it cuz Russians look like us?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it is.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Speak of the body count.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue that their culture though is much further away than like something like Mexico in terms of language and culture and that sort of stuff. Yes, go ahead.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The body count thing. Stalin over a longer period of time. So is it like Karl Malone may have scored more points than Michael Jordan, but no one, no one would ever consider him a better player, you know what I mean? Like he had a longer career and scored more points, but everyone knows Michael Jordan was a better player. Everyone knows Hitler was the more evil man.

[Adam Carolla]

A shorter amount of time. I don't know. We should figure. We should. I don't know. Gary, hop on the ultranet there.

[Allison Rosen]

I think, I think the atrocities are.

[Adam Carolla]

Going in the hall of fame, there's no doubt about that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the Holocaust is more like a horror movie. And those atrocities are so upsetting and it was so mechanized that I think that that gets a lot of attention. Where Stalin was truly awful as well. Yeah, but, but I don't think it. But it wasn't. So it wasn't such a precise genocide.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was. I mean, it's not all about, you know, we do have a thing where you go, the Green river killer killed 46 runaways and prostitutes. But it's not as bad in our mind as the guy who broke into the nursing dormitory and killed seven 19 year old nursing students because somehow their lives were worth more or it was more heinous in its own way. We have a weird way of doing that.

[Caller/Guest]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Like did Stalin do medical experiments on people and that kind of stuff? I don't know, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

He gets less attention.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I know Hitler did that blow dryer experiment where if you hold a blow dryer in your head for more than 28 minutes a day, it lowers your IQ over the course of years. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So speaking of Russia, what did you think of Yakov Smirnoff?

[Adam Carolla]

I love that guy, I really do.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you know he was such a dapper dresser?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think he's a very. Yakov Smirnoff's a guy I've Felt like I've known my whole life. Because he's always, always been around. He is a guy who's old school. And I think when you take guys that are old school and you tell them, look, you're going out on stage and you're going in front of an audience, you put a tie on, like, just pure and simple. That's what you do. That's important to me. And also, you could tell he's just so. He was gentle and, like, polite. You know that story he was telling about coming into the room after Sam Kennison and everyone else would do blow all night and, like, wonder who was eating powdered donuts and then put the mirror back up on the wall.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's kind of sweet and innocent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And, like, clean up after them.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The instinct to clean up after your messy roommates is kind of sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

We got 10 million with Stalin, famine, gulags, things like that. But again, famine starved them out.

[Allison Rosen]

It's really a passive aggressive way to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

It really is. Yeah. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Of course, some of the Jews died that way, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

If you believe that kind of thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I love those people.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of Mad Men, Ariel Castro, who is the Cleveland psycho who kept the three women for years and tortured them and beat them, etcetera, has been sentenced to life in prison plus a thousand years. Adam, I know you don't like that kind of sentence, but it was.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's over already.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, maybe there's more sentencing that's going to happen. But he was in court today, and Michelle Knight, who's the.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I thought he pleaded not guilty.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then he took. Here's the deal. Another attractive thing about death penalty is if they wave that around, then these guys plead out. And then once they plead out, then you don't have to hear all the horrific, heinous stories and the long circus of a trial. HLN is devastated. I mean, they are fucking. You want to know the pencils that all collectively snapped at the hln. What?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But bad news. He's pleading out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Hey, listen, we all.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no justice. I mean, there's too much justice. I mean, shit, there's both too much.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And too little in this case, there's both too much justice and too little.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we're not gonna have to hear all the gory details. And the women, but the news is.

[Allison Rosen]

Really trying to get those out. I mean, they were showing pictures of the rooms that the women were kept in. So we're not completely free of it. It's just not the same as if it was a full on HLN trial.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what do they do we do Weir like we'll have to bulldoze the house. Right, but do we have to bulldoze the house? I mean, could I buy the house and then sell tickets like Graceland? Well, not under my name.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, lots of money.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike August bucks. A buck. No, what I'm saying is you could.

[Allison Rosen]

Do like a hell house.

[Adam Carolla]

You could. The house gonna go for sale, someone's gonna bulldoze it. But there's no law. I mean, they usually do that, but I mean. I mean, in that neighborhood, you could do it. I could get that house for like 37 grand. And I could sell tickets. Right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It'd be extraordinarily poor taste, but you could do it.

[Adam Carolla]

And it'd be all over the news.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Rachel, and be thrilled.

[Adam Carolla]

There'd be lines around the block. I'd have that crazy black guy, went to McDonald's, like, lived next door.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd have him as my security.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he probably needs work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'd have him wearing a security hat with no shirt and sweatpants. That would be my move with him.

[Allison Rosen]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you sell souvenirs stuck on badge Stuck on. Not with the tape. They used to do the EKG on me.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Nancy. Nancy Grace take the noose off. Karol's keeping the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, so someone could buy it. And someone's gonna have to bulldoze it. But they wouldn't have to.

[Allison Rosen]

What if you get to them first?

[Adam Carolla]

We have Dillinger's car. We have Hitler's car. Like, we do do that stuff. We do take Hitler's Mercedes Benz and put it at casinos and stuff. We do have Dillinger's car that's all shot up where he was all killed and everything.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. There's like these women were kept on 90 foot chains. What is. What's gonna happen in the chains?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just. All I'm saying, hey, that's good chain. We do do weird, macabre things.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Throw the chain out with the bathwater.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The craziest one. I brought it up before, but the craziest one of all is James Dean's Porsche that he was killed in is still missing. And it's been, you know, well over 40 years. I mean, since it's been gone.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Does someone have it or has it, like, been demolished and no one knows?

[Adam Carolla]

No. George Barris the car customizer is a famous car customizer. Built the Batmobile, built all the Munsters mobile and all that kind of stuff. He had it. He toured it around the country to high school students. As, you know, be careful on the road. James Dean died in this car. It was a 550 Speedster, or whatever it was. And at some point when it was being shipped from, like, Florida. Hope you're sitting down to some other state. It was just missing. And that's it. And it's been.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how life was before you could track your package online.

[Adam Carolla]

It's been 40 years plus and it's gone. And somebody stole it. I know there's some. I smell OPEC nation, an underground bunker somewhere. But if it was to sell, the way things are these days, it could be worth over a million dollars quite easily.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But what's the point of having it if it's stolen? You can't exactly show it off.

[Adam Carolla]

You can be. What's the point of eating sushi off a virgin?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's a good point. Powerful.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I fucking can.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm fucking rich. See what I'm saying? God, you poor people annoy me.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you ever actually eaten sushi off of a person?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you ever been to a party where it's been served that way? Because I'm pretty sure I have.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Adam has. I have Laster Ball. Brian in the back, in the green room. They had a girl. I did not know about this till I showed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There's a girl with sushi on her. Like some company wanted to. Hey, we'll bring some.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember rearranging it. Let's get the tuna up top and put the California roll down below. Come on now, people, use your hats here.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You need two pieces of sashimi. Don't ask. What, four?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, I did. I can't remember.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I barely remember, but I was radiant. What's your excuse?

[Adam Carolla]

I radiated myself. Couple beers takes the edge off when you hit the stage with Joel McHale and Bad Religion.

[Allison Rosen]

It's just weird. I mean, of all foods to be served on a naked body. Sushi seems like an odd choice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Although it's on leave. Like a fig leaf type thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I could see myself eating a personal pizza. You know what I mean? Sorry about burning your titties, sweetie.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

So Omar's worst selling card.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry about your.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody could buy that. So James Dean's car is gone and still gone. And in somebody's basement with whatever artwork that, you know, the Nazis, you know, know, plummeted, pillaged or whatever back in the day. It's just, you know, you're super rich. Guys show off other super rich guys.

[Allison Rosen]

So he pleaded guilty last week to 937 counts.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. The part where you get a thousand years, it's. I don't know. It's right up there with, I'm giving this movie minus four stars. Like, it's just none. It doesn't exist. I mean, if I'm getting. And I know there's a parole system and there's blah, blah, blah. He's never getting out. All right. He's never gonna get out. So my thing is, you're giving me life in prison, and if you're gonna make it plus a thousand years, why don't you make it plus 10,000 years? Or plus a billion kajillion manillion years?

[Allison Rosen]

Manilion.

[Adam Carolla]

Manilion.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it's academic. I'm gonna be here. I'm 52 years old, and I'll be here for another 30 years, and that'll be that.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the part where he was explaining it wasn't really an animal.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I was about to get to that. So Michelle Knight, who was the girl who many people feel had the worst treatment, she gave a victim statement, and she spoke in court and she said a whole bunch of things, but she was crying and snot was dripping out of her nose, and they kept focusing on the snot. But Anyway, you took 11 years of my life away, and I have got it back. I spent 11 years in hell. Now your hell is just beginning. She said to him.

[Adam Carolla]

He said, well, I said the same thing to my parents when I moved in.

[Allison Rosen]

He gave, like, a rambling statement in court. He said, these people are trying to paint me as a monster. I am not a monster. I'm sick. He also said there was no torture. He said that the sex. He didn't force himself on the women, that it was consensual, which is. But he said. He admitted that what he did was wrong, but what the thing that he did was wrong was that he kept them in his house and they couldn't leave. That's as far as he'll go.

[Adam Carolla]

But he slapped him three times a day. Right. So consensual. Ah, Jesus Christ.

[Allison Rosen]

And then it makes you wonder, well, was it some kind of Stockholm syndrome thing? Except that the women kept diaries and. No, he was definitely forcing himself on them. I mean, it's awful.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, I would have a strict no diary policy if I was keeping people against their will in my basement. Like, when I do the dungeon move, I will have a. No, I will do what Quincy Jones said to do with your ego. Except for with the diary at the door.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It'll be like the cider house rules. You'll have the rules up in the dungeon. Like no diaries.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what I keep focusing on, which is completely not important, but two of the women had eyebrow piercings. At what point in their incarceration did this happen? Did they have them at the beginning? Because it's hard to maintain a body piercing.

[Adam Carolla]

Hmm. So either the piercing took place afterward or.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I think in the. I don't think it took place after though.

[Adam Carolla]

Their eyebrows. So they're sort of aggressive piercings, right? Slightly aggressive, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And like a, you know, very tiny eyebrow barbell.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I know you can pierce yourself and I imagine you might want to inflict pain on yourself if you were broken down. Like, you know that that way. I mean, almost like people cut on themselves. We've talked about this before, that people get the tattoos and the piercings and all kinds of. It's a way to feel experience. It's a negative experience, but it's still an experience that a lot of people have. A lot of people have that. There's people that have that with getting yelled at.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, Dr. Bruce is enjoy that he does.

[Adam Carolla]

He comes in here and intentionally fucks with me and knows exactly what it's going to take for me to yell at him.

[Allison Rosen]

You think he likes when you yell at him?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Resveratrol.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this. The word like is sort of overused. I feel in our society he needs it, which transcends like any day need beats like every single time and twice on Sunday maybe getting out of hand. I'm a doctor. All right, so he's not a monster. By the way, this whole. The sex was consensual. It's just a fucked up thing to say because eventually these women are gonna like remarry. And then the poor guy, they remarry is gonna be like, he kidding about the consensual part. Right. I don't mean. Ha ha, kidding, but not truthfully speaking about that part there. Right. I mean, Jesus Christ.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He probably believes it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also, when your choice is have sex or be raped and you're going on year number five, I think you have sex. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, she said that. Michelle Knight, the one who spoke, said that she cried every night, which that actually I was thinking you'd think that at a certain point you'd just sort of stop feeling. But she cried herself to sleep every night. She was worried every day for what was gonna happen to the girls. She's the One who was beaten and starved to induce a miscarriage. He did have a child with one of them, but it wasn't her. And though. So she actually has a son. She had a son before she was kidnapped. And the way that he lured her to his house was. He said that he had a puppy for her son.

[Adam Carolla]

He's the worst human being on the planet.

[Allison Rosen]

He's not a monster, though. He's sick.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, normally, back in the day, they just released these guys into General Pop. And they'd be killed because the prison is filled with. With bunches of people that don't know their dad but love the shit out of their mom. And they would. They will kill this fucking guy. They will definitely kill this guy if he's released. So that's what they ought to do, just let him run around General Pop.

[Allison Rosen]

It's weird how much they try to prevent that. Or do they? Not really.

[Adam Carolla]

They. I think they do now. I think back in the day they used to sort of just go, hey, if you're a pedophile, go out there and have fun.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And it was something of a badge of honor if you killed someone notable, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And the guy who kills them is gonna have life plus 500 years. So who gives a fuck if they Tack on another 50?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so, Adam, did you watch 24, the TV show?

[Adam Carolla]

No, never. Never an episode.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, then this story will mean a lot to you, but Mary Lynn Ricecub and Kiefer Sutherland are reuniting for a special 24 miniseries that will debut next May on Fox. For some reason, I thought you had watched 24.

[Adam Carolla]

Never seen it. I never watched any police or any kind of those procedural or any of those dramas ever. No matter what, I don't want to know anything about the law.

[Allison Rosen]

In terms of television. You watch the Sopranos and that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

In terms of tv, I watch most anything car related and even just shitty shows about guys go take tours of Jay Leno's garage and shit like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, But I mean in terms of fiction, of series.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, fiction. I watch like Real Housewives of New Jersey because that's totally cooked.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I should have brought in that story. Teresa something or other had a run in with the law and something.

[Adam Carolla]

I will watch. Giudice, please. Good story. I know. What I'm saying is you're really rolling the Giudice. Ask me these questions. I will watch horrible shows on Bravo like the Matchmaker show and like Rachel Zoe show.

[Allison Rosen]

That's still on?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, it's on.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, are you Watching the show, that Brad, whatever, her guy, the spinoff. It's a Brad World.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't run that deep in the guy gay community, but I do watch those shows. I watch, like flipping out, you know, shows like that where. What's his name?

[Allison Rosen]

Jeff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a lot of building, a lot of designing, lot of car related, lot of sports related, a lot of mma. Jimmy Kimmel, of course, because he quizzes me every single night. He calls me as soon as he gets off the air and quizzes me me. And that's it. I always watch. No dramas and no comedies.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay? Facts of Life. Facts of Life in the day.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a great show.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I thought you.

[Adam Carolla]

I did, I did. I just fell off. Yeah, I fell off. And then any weird rerun of any piece of shit.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, Friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and I've seen Varsity Blues like 29 times. Like, I. It's. I watch 11 minutes. Here's what I do. I get drunk, I watch like 11 minutes of varsity Blues. And then I put in these old Paul Newman Racing DVDs where he's like being interviewed at Road Atlanta and then driving his car and stuff like that. And I just stare at him and then I go to bed.

[Allison Rosen]

You can concentrate on a show when you're drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's the point, okay? That's why I don't watch 24.

[Allison Rosen]

Because my attention span, if any sort of substance in me, whether it's an upper or downer, kills my attention span.

[Adam Carolla]

I will tape like Casino be on a lot. I'll watch, you know, I'll watch some Casino and that kind of stuff. But yeah, just shows about cars and building stuff. I have no cop drama. Anything has ever got into it.

[Allison Rosen]

For the longest time, when I would see ads for flipping out, I kept thinking it was a show about hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it should be.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm still not convinced it's not.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There was a show called Blowout right the same time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Jonathan's show.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He came on the radio show. That's why I remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, I love that show. That show I love. Yeah. Jonathan Anton Robin.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Anton's brother.

[Adam Carolla]

The Puss Catcher Dolls. Yeah, he was great because he was. I love any. I love to watch crazed narcissists. That's my whole thing. That's.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you ever see this? Because when you said Jonathan Anton, for a second, I thought you meant Jonathan. That some listeners are killing themselves right now. Jonathan Chabin, who's the Kardashians publicist friend. And he had a show called like Spin World or something. And that was the most narcissist of all.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, now I missed that one. But. Oh, any high end, real, you know, Beverly Hills Realtors shit. Any other selling New York. Yeah. Any of that stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

I've watched Million Dollar Listing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Any of that kind of stuff. And then it's mostly just playing DraftKings. DraftKings.com My listeners are [e-mail] One day, fantasy sports. Every day like a new season. You strike out or you hit a home run. Either way, next day, get right back.

[Brian Bishop]

Every damn night.

[Adam Carolla]

Every damn night. Right back up to the plate again. Brian, how you playing?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I got to get you into DraftKings. When football season roll around because I think what, I think a lot of what prevents you from doing fantasy football is the whole season long commitment. This is one day you go up and you try your best and if you're, if your team is good, you draft a good team, you win cash.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you don't get with every guy. All you know, Hanch and Simmons and cousin Sal and I'm laughing. And they're all playing the league. And at the end of the league, somebody, whoever wins gets to vote out one guy.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's kind of funny.

[Adam Carolla]

And they voted out Jon Hamm.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's a power move.

[Adam Carolla]

That's such a power move. They threw the only celebrity in their league out.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, good news, Jon Hamm. You cannot get thrown out of DraftKings.

[Adam Carolla]

Impossible. You play every day, Dawson. And you can play for free. Yes, free. To win real [e-mail] Enter Adam with your first cash game and get a free shot at a couple hundred bucks to a couple hundred thousand bucks. Just use the Name [e-mail] that's draftkings.com all right. I think, see, this is the difference between men and women. Guys come up with reasons to be cruel with each other. Women do it secretly and covertly and quietly.

[Allison Rosen]

And they don't admit it to themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't admit it. Like guys go, so this is going to be fun. Let's not only have whoever wins this league win a bunch of money, but you have to boot somebody. And then a lot of politicking goes on about why you don't need to be booted for the following season.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

A lot of backroom discussion.

[Adam Carolla]

Hammy got booted. Power move. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

When's he going to come in here?

[Adam Carolla]

We could probably get him in here. Usually catch him on a few football Sundays till August to get on it. All right. Well, now that he's been Booted out of the leagues. He'll have free time.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Free time.

[Allison Rosen]

So, you know autocorrect on your phone, which is helpful but usually super annoying. Whenever you're writing a text and then all of a sudden it tells you what you meant, and then it messes up your message that you're sending. Well, there is a list of words that autocorrect won't correct, and the Daily Beast did a story about it, and here are some of the words. Abortion, rape, marijuana, Aryan, drunken, bullet. So if you type. If you're trying to type one of those words and you get, like, a letter off, it won't correct it. And this story doesn't why. This story doesn't offer an explanation for why, but I feel like it's obvious to me, which is that because they don't want to accidentally insert the word abortion into the text you're sending. Like, I think they don't want to err on the side of putting Aryan or rape into whatever. You're just too. It's too sensitive.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm making that noise. And I agree.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, what's the pay rate? And they don't want to accidentally make it rape.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Which would be low, I guess. Oh, no, I see what you're saying right now. I get what you're saying. There's also an element. I'm wondering. There's a national security element here.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is. Yeah. If it's something of a threatening nature. Bullet, shoot or rape or. And the NSA or whoever's looking at this shit, you have an excuse if you go, no, I was saying abolish, and it just put abortion or. I wasn't saying rape. I wasn't writing that threatening letter, sending that threatening text. So you can go, it did that. And I was trying to say rain or something else. And so now they're going, don't look at us.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I was trying to say, if you don't do what I say, I'm gonna rain you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's on you. It's not us. So later on, if that stuff becomes evidence in court, you sent a threatening text or whatever it is, you can't blame it on autocorrect.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I think you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

I learned that by not watching 24. I watched 23 and 25. That's my thing.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Do you have to do the first 22 to make sense?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. If I met Kiefer Sutherland, that's what I would. You tell. I like 23 and I like 25. I just don't care. I'm an odd number show guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you prefer odd numbers to even? Just when it comes to numbers.

[Adam Carolla]

Trying to think what looks best on the side of like a race car jersey or something like that. My preference is I think Newman had 33 on his. But part of the reason why they would do like 33 is because you could easily change either 1 to an 8. So if someone else was in the race and they were 33 2, you could be 38 or 83 with a piece of white tape. That's. That's what they do. I've had to do it before.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Forgive my ignorance. Was this in the days before numbers were like you couldn't have the same number or. This is not in like a. Like a NASCAR style league.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's just, it's just. Please. It's just. It's nothing but stupid. Like I drove a car that was 33 at Coronado race they have in Coronado and someone else entered a car that was number 33 as well. And even though he's driving a Janetta or Lotus or something that looked nothing like my car, I still had to put a piece of white tape on my car and make my 33A38. Just because that's the rules.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I understand that, but you're talking about rich guy weekend racing. Did Paul Newman not do like competitive racing like in a league or something some sanctioned. Where you. It would seem like they wouldn't be allowed duplicate numbers.

[Adam Carolla]

You never know. Yes, he did professional racing and you never know. And I don't know how often it popped up, but he'd had that number for a long time. You never know what cars are showing up for what event. And in that particular case it's not like a football team where everything is figured out in advance.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I didn't know that.

[Adam Carolla]

So you can see that you could easily change that 3 into an 8. Although stupid. And for me, I didn't need the extra weight on the car. Man, that vinyl man, slowing me down.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do one more.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, here's a story which says that your chances of getting a TV show on air at a major broadcast network are. And they give a percentage. Would you like to guess for like.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The average human being?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I know. I think for someone who is. Is writing a show just that it's a sort of. It's a percentage that has to do with how many of the show. Their shows actually make it to air.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh. And. And we say major network yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So abc, NBC, cbs, and Fox, I guess. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, what you don't know is, you know, during pilot season, they do tons of pilots. Like, you think it's a big deal. It's this kind of game where you have to navigate this horrible, horrible obstacle course, and then you make it to the end and you go, whoo. And then you look and there's another obstacle course.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, yeah, it has to do with how many. How many scripts they bought versus how many actually get made.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. Just from my own personal track record, I gotta say it's under 10%. I'll say. And I don't know if they're including all the things they've optioned, all the things they bought that never.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'll say 2%.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. People do this thing all the time where they go, NBC's. They took my book and they're optioning my books. Like, now you're 2% closer than your gardener to getting a show on the air. Like, technically, at this point, it'll keep going. You don't get much closer than the head of the comedy department. I think it was Nancy Tellem, trying to think of who it was at the time, literally patted me on the back after I did my sitcom pilot, and I said, woo, that was a long day. And she said, be prepared to do a whole lot more of these for other networks now. She was the boss, as far as I knew, but turned out there's always.

[Allison Rosen]

Another boss, isn't there?

[Adam Carolla]

There was, like, Les Moonves, I think, was above her. And he. He loves. He loves that Jenna Elfman.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, who doesn't, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That turned out to be a winner Anyway.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I say 2%.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm. I'll say 3% just to make it higher than 2%.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's 6%.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's still low within a couple percentage points.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've had it. The worst part of it is, is they'll go. The upfronts are in the. The upfronts are the weekend of the 19th and the 20th, so pack your bags. And then you go, are we going? And they go, we'll tell you the day before. And you're like, wow, I remember when we did the man show for abc, it was like. They were like, it looks really good. Pack your shit. Just leave that weekend open. Be prepared to go and we'll tell you Thursday night. Or like, it was like, what? That's how they. Literally how they do it. And then you get this one. Jimmy, what's going on? Oh, you didn't hear and that always means fuck it. Yeah. The good news is the joke's on everyone because I never want to do anything. Yeah, so you win.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think people actually pack ahead of time? Like literally pack?

[Adam Carolla]

I think they think it's a jinx. But then, like I said, when you don't get it, then maybe packing will un. Jinx it. Either way, it's an insane, insane process. I'd love to just start a network of all the shows that never made it on the air. And we're talking about our Millionaire matchmaker. If your picker is bad, as she likes to say, maybe there's stuff as we were talking about yesterday that's sitting around that's worth taking a look at, which they never do. They literally.

[Allison Rosen]

They will never reopen or go back. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how it works, but what they have is they have multimillion dollar DVDs. There's a DVD with my name on it that cost them $2.3 million. And it's either sitting on a shelf somewhere or it's in a garbage can somewhere, or it's somewhere. And once somebody passes on it, even if they pass on it, because they go, we're gonna put Dharma and Greg's second cousin on accidentally on purpose on. And the show's a horrible failure, and it lasts a season and it's eight episodes and out, they still will never go back and go, well, maybe we picked the wrong show. Maybe there's. And there could be. There's 10 of these shows and they're all $2 million plus. And the length of them, 19 and a half to 21 minutes. You think somebody, when the new regime came in, would go, you know what I'm gonna do over the weekend? I'm gonna take a few of these back to my house and pop a few in. Maybe there's something in here that we.

[Allison Rosen]

Did spend a manillion.

[Adam Carolla]

We spent a million dollars on this. Maybe there's something in here, or maybe there's just a piece of talent in here that I think would be nice. They don't. It's gone. It's dead. It's gone.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'll take it one step further. It's crazy to me that the networks own the pilots. Why don't they make them available for sale or for rental? Like, if you're like, oh, there's a pilot from 1988 starring George Clooney and Helen Hunt, I would kind of like to see what that's like. It didn't get picked up, but it's just out there. Like right there's probably. I'm sure, I'm 100% sure. There's hundreds of those.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The reason for that is they don't want to be embarrassed if they don't want anything to make a comeback or it's an old decision.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They're just making money.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. They just. I've dealt with it because when people. What drives me nuts is the fucking stigma. When you got. When you have to deal with the part where oh, we're talking to this guy and he's think they're this entity and they're thinking about making Burch but they want to know why Fox passed. It's like. Cuz they're assholes. Like wait, oh, because it sucked. Like I hate that. I hate that fucking. Because they thought Napoleon Dynamite was better. Because they thought Alan Gregory was better. That's why. So I'm supposed to be punished for that?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. What do you do? They ask you personally the question or is this.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's your agent? Like they want to know Cuz it was too good for their network. I mean, what's the answer? They didn't like it. I don't know why. They didn't think it fit with whatever they were doing. Whatever. But I don't want to make a kick ass pilot and then have to apologize for it because an idiot passed. That's what drives. That's the part, the part that drives me nuts is when they see accidentally on purpose and then somebody who knows nothing goes, they picked that show, huh? And I go, yeah, huh. It's pretty weak. And you go yeah, they passed on yours, huh? Yeah, but mine was really good. Oh yeah, I'll bet.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Could have been as good as the one they picked up, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was awesome.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, we always throw up the guy from AAA who's not hitting as well as the other guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like you don't make a team and then they watch the team play and the team sucks and they go. And you go, I was better than those guys. And they. That's what they do. They cut all the good ones. So that's the fun part when you have to explain why people passed. Anyway, by the way, if you want to see Burcham, you can see it on YouTube. Why not? Who gives a shit? You ready to rock?

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, Kuntz. Abortion, rape, marijuana, Aryan drunken bullet.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosenberg. Ah, legalzoom baby, make your will. Don't use any of those search words go to legalzoom.com yep, they got great prices. They help you finish. You can do it online. Just takes 20 minutes. You don't want the government dictating what happens to your property and your children. You know what they do, man? They will gather up your family and all your property if you die without a will.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and they'll put it in a cargo net and they'll use one of those weather balloons and they'll send them up into the stratosphere to freeze.

[Allison Rosen]

I've seen it happen.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, yeah, that's needlessly elaborate. Why would they do that?

[Adam Carolla]

They have to just the laws, dude.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Make a goddamn will.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to make a will. That's the point. That's why you go to legalzoom.com that's why it takes less than 20 minutes.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Do you have to specify? Don't do the weather balloon thing?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, don't get specific. Just make the will out. Sometimes it tips them off. I remember one time I told my buddy Ray, I got a new T shirt, so don't rip it. And he went, thanks for reminding me. And ripped it was, no, don't bring up the weather balloon thing. Forget I brought it up. You go to legalzoom.com you don't wait, you get 15% off and you get started today. Legal Zoom, baby. And to get your special discount, be sure to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. For one wills, powers of attorney, trusts and more, go to legalzoom.com LegalZoom can provide self help services at your specific direction or can connect you to an attorney. But they are not a law firm. Attorney Powers is a strong name. God wish I was named Attorney Powers. All right, will turn theater again tomorrow. Me and Jay Moore and Bill Simmons having fun. Come on out, say hi, we'll stay after the show, have a little mangria and we'll press the flesh. Take a few pictures and all that good stuff. And thanks so much for keeping the pirate ship afloat. So till next time, it's Adam Carolla for Allison Rosen and Bo Brian Saiyan. Mahalo. Sorry about burning your titties, sweetie. All right, that was adam Corolla show 1134. That does it for Ace Pro Classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, model and get it on.