John Slattery + Dave Dameshek (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "John Slattery + Dave Dameshek (Carolla Classics)"

Release Date: June 7, 2025

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1. Introduction and Opening Banter (00:00 - 02:00)

The episode kicks off with guest host Dave Dameshek taking the reins in the absence of Adam Carolla. Dave humorously introduces himself, setting a lighthearted tone for the show.

Notable Quote:

Dave Dameshek (02:32): "Hi. And hello. And apologies in advance. I'm sorry, it's not Adam Carolla. It's his equally nasally voice but less amusing cohort, Dave Dameshek here."

2. Appearance and Makeup on Men (02:02 - 05:35)

The conversation shifts to the topic of men's grooming, specifically the increasing trend of makeup usage among men. The hosts discuss the societal perceptions of metrosexuality, eyebrow grooming, and cosmetic procedures.

Notable Quotes:

Kevin Nealon (03:28): "Men do that. Yes, they do. And it's very like think Goo Goo Dolls. That is some straightened hair."

Brian Bishop (04:43): "Now, listen, shut up. This is gonna be a gay old time. I feel we're gonna. I feel we're in store for good times."

3. Life Resume: Skills and Personal Achievements (05:57 - 17:35)

Dave introduces the concept of a "Life Resume," emphasizing the importance of highlighting personal skills beyond traditional academic and professional achievements. The discussion critiques the often unverified nature of resume claims and the irrelevance of certain educational backgrounds in the job market.

Notable Quotes:

Brian Bishop (06:35): "Plastics. You're just right behind me there."

Kevin Nealon (07:00): "You have an objective."

4. Interlude: Advertisements and Promotions (17:43 - 32:45)

The podcast briefly features advertisements for products like 5 Hour Energy Glow Motion and The Zebra insurance comparison service. These segments are seamlessly integrated into the conversation without disrupting the flow.

5. Twitter Followers Game: Facts of Life Edition (32:50 - 111:04)

The hosts engage in an interactive game segment where they guess the Rotten Tomatoes scores of various movies themed around motherhood. The game involves guessing critic scores for films like "Throw Mama from the Train," "The Kids Are All Right," "Psycho," "Terms of Endearment," and "Mommie Dearest."

Notable Highlights:

• "Throw Mama from the Train" (105:02):

  Allison Rosen (105:26): "It's a dark comedy that I think kind of threw some people off. 60%."

• "The Kids Are All Right" (106:20):

  Kevin Nealon (106:48): "I went with 79 because I always guess too high."

• "Psycho" (107:35):

  Allison Rosen (108:31): "It's a universally loved movie at the time. 97%."

• "Mommie Dearest" (109:57):

  Adam Carolla (110:18): "I'm going with 40%."

Brian Bishop emerges as the winner with the lowest cumulative score, showcasing his extensive knowledge of film critiques.

6. Announcement: Allison Rosen’s Bestseller Book (111:04 - 117:28)

Allison Rosen proudly announces her memoir, "Shrinkage," which details her first year after a cancer diagnosis. The book has achieved bestseller status on the New York Times ebook list.

Notable Quote:

Allison Rosen (111:07): "It's called Shrinkage. It came out last week... It's about my first year after being diagnosed with cancer."

7. Interview with John Slattery: Insights into "God's Pocket" and Acting (117:28 - 138:21)

John Slattery from "Mad Men" joins the show to discuss his latest film, "God's Pocket," directed by Dave Dameshek. The conversation delves into the challenges of directing, the intricacies of film production, and Slattery's experiences working on both television and film projects.

Key Discussion Points:

• Filming Challenges: Dave shares insights into the demanding schedule and logistical hurdles faced during the production of "God's Pocket."

• John Slattery’s Experiences: Slattery recounts his journey in directing, his collaboration with the cinematographer Lance Accord, and anecdotes from his acting career, including interactions with notable actors like Philip Seymour Hoffman.

• Actors’ Craft: The hosts discuss the dedication required in acting and directing, highlighting the balance between creative vision and production constraints.

Notable Quotes:

Dave Dameschek (132:31): "Having now directed a handful of [shots], I think the reason they give you notes is because they want to see if you can do anything different."

John Slattery (136:31): "I mean, I manually called my agent back and said, really? I mean, you sure?"

8. Closing Remarks and Final Banter (138:11 - End)

The episode concludes with further discussions about upcoming shows, book signings, and lighthearted banter among the hosts and guests. Dave Dameshek emphasizes the importance of perseverance, inspired by Allison Rosen’s personal journey.

Notable Quotes:

Allison Rosen (138:07): "Never give up."

Adam Carolla (112:05): "It's a good movie... usually when I'm in one, it's not good."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of humor, insightful discussions on personal development, interactive games centered around film critiques, and an engaging interview with John Slattery. The hosts adeptly navigate various topics, providing listeners with both entertainment and meaningful conversations. Allison Rosen’s inspiring announcement of her bestseller adds a personal touch, underscoring themes of resilience and achievement.

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Note: For detailed segment timings and to experience the full breadth of conversations, listeners are encouraged to tune into the episode directly.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here's the deal. I don't need Glow in the Dark anything. I need peace, quiet, and a place to sit. But apparently the kids want energy shots that light up like a laser show.

[Brian Bishop]

So here we are.

[Adam Carolla]

Introducing 5 Hour Energy Glow Motion. Same jolt as your morning coffee, zero sugar, and now a bottle that glows under UV light. It's 2 ounces. That's it. You blink and it's gone. Just like your dignity after singing karaoke. Great for ravers, gamers, marathon runners, or anyone who needs to stay vertical through a PTA meeting. Go to FiveHouseEnergy.com and grab the new Glow Motion flavor. Or wait till it hits Amazon in June. If you're the kind of person who also waits six months to see a movie, your friend's already ruined.

[Allison Rosen]

Most people would rather assemble a 300 piece cabinet than search for insurance. That's why the zebra searches for you. Comparing over 100 insurance companies to find savings no one else can Compare. [e-mail].

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics with ad free archives exclusively available through Podcast one Premium. And to find ad free archives for the Adam Carolla show as well as The Adam and Dr. Drew show and exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat It Out, Check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcurla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcrull.com.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have adam K Show 1306.

[Giovanni]

This is a guest hosted episode. Adam Kroll is not in studio.

[Allison Rosen]

It's Dave Damaschek taking the reins with.

[Giovanni]

Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a really rare format switch.

[Giovanni]

Hope you guys enjoy.

[Allison Rosen]

This one's from 2014.

[Brian Bishop]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Tonight's guest host, Dave Dameshek with Allison Rosen on news and Paul Bryan on sound effects. And now get ready to feel the blaster.

[Dave Damaschek]

Dave Damaschek.

[Brian Bishop]

Hi. And hello. And apologies in advance. I'm sorry, it's not Adam Carolla. It's his equally nasally voice but less amusing cohort, Dave Damaschek here.

[Kevin Nealon]

Less amusing or less abusing?

[Allison Rosen]

I gotta be both.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right, right.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, They're Mutually exclusive things. Yes. How are you? Allison Rosen. What a pleasure.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's wonderful to be here with you, Dave Damoshek. And you, Bald Brian. Do you have a top drop?

[Allison Rosen]

A lot of people wanted a Dave drop from back in the day.

[Brian Bishop]

It's getting very meta now as I do that. Listen, shut up. This is gonna be a gay old time. I feel we're gonna. I feel we're in store for good times.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm. I have my seatbelt on, and I'm ready for good times.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, don't, don't, don't. Don't get your expectations up. I just think it'll be a nice, pleasant conversation among us.

[Kevin Nealon]

What the listeners don't know Dave Damaschek, but which I am getting an eyeful eye. I know what you're about to say. You have flawless poreless, very healthy tan skin right now. Who put it on you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was. Not yet. It's not tan skin, sister. Yeah, I have makeup on. That's right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Can't you tell?

[Allison Rosen]

Look, it just occurred to me now.

[Kevin Nealon]

Look at those cheekbones.

[Brian Bishop]

How humiliating. This is not why my parents made their love all those years ago, so that they could have a grown man in makeup.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, it's a little powdery around the eyebrows. Yeah, well, you were on camera, I take it.

[Brian Bishop]

I had to do. Yes. In fact, I showed up a little bit late, in fact, because I was on NFL Network and I was kibitzing about this, that, and the other with one Ladanian Tomlinson. Bald Brian. How about that? And bald Brian and I kibitzed earlier this week for about an hour. He came onto my podcast. And then today I was talking to Ladany and Tomlinson and some other fellas, and they put. They put the schmutz on my face here. And now I forgot to wash it off because I was running out the door. I was late. I had to get to the car. And so that's my explanation. I'm sorry. I feel like a buffoon. No, it just a grown man in makeup.

[Kevin Nealon]

Maybe you just recently were in San Tropez.

[Brian Bishop]

I do notice, though. Are we getting or have we gone too far now with the fellas doing. I listen. It's an old subject, the metrosexual business. But I've noticed of late, guys have really taken it to another level with the eyebrows. It's getting too weird as a lady.

[Allison Rosen]

Like shaping.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the shaping has gone too far.

[Allison Rosen]

That trim mine. But I have big bush. I have big, bushy eyebrows.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're fine. You're definitely on the okay side of trim. I think nothing makes a guy look more like maybe in off time, he wears a dress. Then perfectly sculpted, manicured eyebrows and hair straightened with a straightening iron.

[Brian Bishop]

Men do that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, they do. And it's very like think Goo Goo Dolls. That is some straightened hair. And then oftentimes, perhaps you've noticed, men will get a nose job that's far too feminine as well.

[Brian Bishop]

I've noticed that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Not that you don't think you can reverse that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And yeah, I've noticed the guys who get there, you can tell a mile away. Anybody who gets their eyes done or Botox you. And by the way, people say, well, maybe they just got a bad job. No, no, I can see it on the A list, ladies. So if I can see it on them, then surely they got the best money can buy. And if I can spot it on them, it's no good.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, right. Although I am now beginning. Cause see, I used to pride myself on being able to spot plastic surgery really far away. It's not really. I don't have to pay.

[Brian Bishop]

I can do that with two pays. Oh, that's one thing I wanted to talk about. Bald and I were talking about it on my podcast on Tuesday is life resume. You know, there. It's very important for the kids out there to understand. Yes. Now, if you're 21, 22, if you're Ben Braddock and you just emerged from. From your undergraduate studies, you probably feel like it's important to get your resume in order. You know, you have to remember how you flesh everything out. What's that?

[Allison Rosen]

Is he the character from the Graduate, Ben Braddock?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's right.

[Allison Rosen]

How deep you dug for that reference.

[Brian Bishop]

How. Well, let me. I got one word for you.

[Allison Rosen]

What's that?

[Brian Bishop]

Plastics.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

You're just right behind me there. Yeah. So you know, everybody's. I love the idea too. That would be great to pull that out. I wish I had my 21 year old. My resume from when I first got out of college. Because you do your best to pad it.

[Kevin Nealon]

You have. And you have an objective.

[Brian Bishop]

Objectives, the unrequested list of things you do well that have nothing to do with mission. Yeah. It's really a weird thing. What's more important ultimately, especially after you get the first gig. I've long contended. I don't. Sometimes you hear about like college football coaches get busted with this, but very few others. Pedophilia, probably pre. Probably doctors would get busted if they tried to say, I went to Harvard Med School. Somebody might check on that someone might.

[Allison Rosen]

Actually do the steps, but they're very few.

[Kevin Nealon]

Maybe not.

[Brian Bishop]

There are. How many professions. Have you ever had anybody summon your resume or checked on it?

[Kevin Nealon]

Never ever. No. And when you're choosing college, it seems so important to not only go to the right college, but to pick the right major and all of that. And no one has. I mean no one. Even in our jobs, it doesn't even matter whether you went to college that well.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not this. I think we imagine living here in showbiz land that that is something that's unique to us. No, no, that's true everywhere.

[Kevin Nealon]

You mean having gone to good schools?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I think what your resume says on it is nobody fact checks it. At least you can list. I think you don't. I think the is you don't list that you went to Harvard and got a 4.0, but just say you went to a good school like Vanderbilt. You know, I graduated vandy. I graduated 3.6. You know, chemistry wasn't for me, but for the most part I, I did pretty well in my, with my studies and no one's ever gonna look that up. That's what.

[Kevin Nealon]

Sue went to Vanderbilt. Do you know her? That's what could happen.

[Allison Rosen]

Some guy starts singing the fight song. Oh, Vandy. Like, oh shit.

[Brian Bishop]

I once went to. I wish I could think of the name of the character I read. I had just read a Bukowski book. It was girls or. No, it was women. Bukowski's women. Have you ever read any Bookowski? Alison Rosen?

[Kevin Nealon]

I have not. I have read snippets and I thought.

[Brian Bishop]

It usually ain't for the ladies. It's very.

[Kevin Nealon]

But it's also. Bukowski is one of the ones that I. And I don't like that I'm this reactionary. But people are like the fact that so many people who I don't particularly think that I want to associate with are so into Bukowski. Like I feel like that's a. Anyway, if you love him, great.

[Brian Bishop]

I love it. I've read only a couple of his books, but both of them, what I enjoyed about them is it's 50 pages of what appears to be just drunken ramblings. I mean, then that's all it is. It's his escapades of throwing one on and bedding down unappealing women. And then every 50th page he has one tremendously lucid thought about the human condition. And then you just keep reading and then it's more escapades, more half remembered escapades with Unappealing women just digging for gold. But anyway, so. Yes. So the Life resume. That's where it's at. Oh, and to finish my thought, too, here's my beef, though, with the Met. It's not metrosexuals who trim their eyebrows. Now, the irony is, is that it's the most testosterone y guys. The guys who clearly are spending time in the weight room.

[Kevin Nealon]

Like Carrot Top.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's a perfect example. Isn't that a strange thing that. That's what it's gotten to?

[Allison Rosen]

The Jersey Mooks.

[Kevin Nealon]

But what did this have to do with Bukowski?

[Brian Bishop]

Nothing. I just was. I wanted to finish the thought before we pressed forward with the Life resume. I was. And then. And then it's close cousin, you know, the bucket list.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Things that you don't ever want to have to do. You know, I don't care about your bucket list items. I'd rather. It's more interesting to me. Things that people do that I'll. That I have no interest in ever doing.

[Kevin Nealon]

I've heard that referred to as a fuck it list.

[Brian Bishop]

I figured as much. But as you know, my standard remains the same whether or not I'm in the host chair or the guest chairs. I don't make bad words on the air. 1. I don't need that crutch, Brian. I'm gonna work blue. No, I don't work blue. I don't work blue.

[Kevin Nealon]

I never knew this about you.

[Brian Bishop]

But you didn't know I don't work blue. Listen to it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Now that I think about it, I've never heard a blue word from your mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. When I make my sweet love on a woman that's between me and her, that's not for me to go and spill with the Western restaurant. You're broadcasting it. No, indeed. No, indeed.

[Allison Rosen]

Dave's a man of duality. He's the man's man on the football. The football network. The NFL Network. But sartorially, he knows. He taught me everything I know about shoes.

[Kevin Nealon]

He did.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a man of.

[Kevin Nealon]

Pray tell, what did he teach you?

[Brian Bishop]

I really. In a lot of ways. If it weren't. If it weren't for my. If it weren't for my aversion to Wang, I would really be a tremendous gay man. Because I love shoes. Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm fashionable and I wear makeup, so.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

But because of your brows, you're still so masculine.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

And you once told me it was very humble. But you explained that you are a vigorous lover.

[Brian Bishop]

That's Right. Surprisingly so. Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Or aggressive.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. I'm a powerful lover. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. No, I mean, I don't get it doesn't get creepy beforehand, assertive lover, but when it's time for it to happen, you know, look out. It's gonna be a durable. You're gonna find a durable man. You're gonna find a passionate man, rough and ready. And I just want you to know, too, ladies, just put all my cards on the deck. I also happen to be a loud lover, so be prepared. I'm sorry, I'm not gonna contain my passion.

[Kevin Nealon]

But what.

[Brian Bishop]

Nor should you ever imagine if I was a loud lover.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I want to know, like which. Which version of Dave Damaschak is. Would it be that's so loud? Would it be the one that does creep of the week? Or would it be.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, all.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. But what I've said before, Allison, and I'll say it again, you know how it works with Medusa. You know, when a man makes eye contact with her, what happens to the fella?

[Kevin Nealon]

He turns to stone.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, when ladies look me in the eyes, they turn to mush. I don't know why you're laughing about that.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm laughing and looking away.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm afraid she laughs and she's uncomfortable.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to get to know more. I wrote down a couple of things because I really wanted to prep for this show. So in the car ride from the NFL Network in Culver City here to Glendale, I jotted down a couple of things on this receipt from CVS.

[Kevin Nealon]

What'd you buy at CVS?

[Brian Bishop]

What did I buy? I got some.

[Allison Rosen]

Nearly 90% of kids who vape say.

[Kevin Nealon]

Flavors are why they do it.

[Allison Rosen]

If there weren't flavors in these tobacco.

[Kevin Nealon]

Products, a lot of kids wouldn't get as hooked. Urge lawmakers to pass Senate Bill 702A. Learn more at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.

[Adam Carolla]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint.

[Dave Damaschek]

You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for.

[Allison Rosen]

3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available.

[Brian Bishop]

Taxes and fees extra.

[Allison Rosen]

See full [e-mail].

[Brian Bishop]

I got a bottle of something. I got some. I don't know. What are they saying? I don't know. This isn't even mine. Oh, no, I was helped by someone named Manet.

[Kevin Nealon]

Manet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So a couple of issues that I wanted to talk about. The main thing I wanted to do though today was get to know a couple people who I haven't gotten to speak with nearly enough in my lifetime, in spite of the fact that we've sat in this room on many occasions. I'm talking about Mike Dawson. No, I'm talking about Allison Rosen and bald Bryan. I want to get to know about everybody. Yeah, I know Mike Dawson. He. You don't want to know about me. I know plenty about you. Know enough fella. I sat in a stinking room with you in for the calendar year 2006 in the wee hours of the amazing. Putting together third rate bits, trying to third.

[Allison Rosen]

They got the third. Those are the dark days, peeps. Got rid of that. Cut the dead away, move forward.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, it's like our. Our friendship has been held hostage by Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Damn him. Yeah, no, so. But. But I do like the idea of the life resume because that's how you get to know somebody. I mean, who. An employer? Who cares if you made good marks? Nobody Know what relevance. As I have said many times, math pretty much encapsulates my anger with school, with organized school, because, yeah, all right, you have to go. You have to learn to be socialized by your. With your peers. So be it. You know, that's what college does. But besides that, you know, all right, I need to know how to write and spell things. Fine, understood. That's a powerful skill to have going forward. Math, all right, you know, need to know how to add, you need to know how to subtract, maybe Multiply up to 10 after that, I mean, long division, you know, who needs it, is what I say to that. And yet they forge ahead with algebra and calculus and all these other unnecessary items. I'd rather know what you're good at, Alison Rosen, for instance.

[Allison Rosen]

We all want to know.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll get the ball. We'll get the ball rolling with this here's on my life resume. I'm the best remote. Well, one of the top 10 remote control operators I've ever known. I can find anything on the tv. I don't have to. If I go to a dirty, strange hotel room inside of 10 minutes, I'll have that thing without even looking at it. I can find any channel for you. I know where the previous channel button is all that stuff.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's really useful.

[Brian Bishop]

It is. It is. I'm a great. The one I discovered recently is that I am at a restaurant, the best order of food I know. I don't think anybody is better than me at that.

[Kevin Nealon]

I would love to dine with you sometimes. I'm poor. I'm bereft when it comes to ordering. Now, other people might not see it, but I feel it.

[Brian Bishop]

If it's four, if it's me and one other person. You're not allowed to get what I got, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Will you do the ordering for a lady? On occasion.

[Brian Bishop]

That's not a good thing. I've not done that, Brian, but that's something I might.

[Allison Rosen]

You might entertain the notion.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you ever done that? You should do that for your wife? How would that go over Badly?

[Allison Rosen]

Because she is extremely. She's a very, very. She's a foodie. So that would not go over well at all.

[Brian Bishop]

Has that ever happened in real life? That's one of those things. That's a movie thing.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

The lady will have.

[Brian Bishop]

Has that ever happened to you, Alison?

[Kevin Nealon]

No. No. But a friend went on a date with a guy, and when their meal arrived, he. I guess she ordered steak and he cut it up for her.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? Without request.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, that is.

[Brian Bishop]

And what did she do?

[Kevin Nealon]

Told us all about it afterwards and never went out with him again.

[Brian Bishop]

And did she report he was a vigorous lover?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, no, I don't. I don't think the loving was.

[Brian Bishop]

Had they passed on that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wait, wait, wait. I need to ask a question first. Why is it that if you're with only one other person, they have to not order what you ordered? Because I have friends who observe this rule as well.

[Brian Bishop]

It's too much.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is it too potentially gay or something?

[Brian Bishop]

Let's roll the dike. No, no, no. Here's what you do. This is a rule. Oh, I called, by the way, because so many people are kind to hit me up on, and they always ask after my old pal David Feeney, who's, you know, who's a. Who's gone from our old podcast here at ACE Network to, you know, he's reached heights unimaginable in show business. Yeah, he runs the New Girl. He's got a. He's shooting a movie in New Orleans now with Reese Witherspoon. You know, he's ascended to great heights. I've wanted him to come in here today, but in fact, he was flying off to New Orleans. Unfortunately, he couldn't join us. But here's A great thing he taught me is he orders on a first date. Well, now he's married. That doesn't probably get in the way of how he treats his ladies on the first date. But the move is he orders the wheel is what he calls it. And that is everything. Everything on the. All the appetizers. Should we get an appetizer? Are you going to get an appetizer?

[Allison Rosen]

I go, that's a good move, because the appetizers are often the best thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And if there's enough of the small things you can sample, you're not going to get too full. You're going to get just the right amount of.

[Brian Bishop]

But I think Allison knows what that really says, because what, you know, we talk about it all the time. It's a weird inequity that, you know, guys don't swoon for Hillary Clinton necessarily, but ladies certainly do for Tony Soprano, and it's a power issue.

[Kevin Nealon]

Seriously.

[Brian Bishop]

Of course. And I love that you'd go wild for that.

[Kevin Nealon]

I would, yeah. I mean, I would be all about the wheel. Let's not even get entrees, and then let's get a wheel of desserts.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. What if you get the double wheel?

[Kevin Nealon]

That might be too much. I like that. I like that idea of, like, just look at. Look at how plentiful. It's like a horn.

[Brian Bishop]

He doesn't care. He does whatever. We're going to get the shrimp or the calamari. Are we going to get a. No, we're going to get them all. That's what we're getting. That's what we're. That's what you're getting, sister.

[Allison Rosen]

And we'll pick at these all. You guys ever. You guys ever do the move? It takes the right kind of restaurant. But he goes over to the move where you look at the menu and just close and say, bring me your favorite thing on the menu.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's a good move. There's a man.

[Allison Rosen]

You can't do it every time. You cannot. But it takes. It's a certain kind of restaurant.

[Brian Bishop]

I get very angry with my father about that very move. I'll consult the waiter. Obviously, he knows the menu better than I. But at some point, I have to. I have to be my own man and make my choice. My old man. I'll take him to restaurants that I've been to a few times, and I'll say, oh, you gotta hit. You gotta get the veal. That's. That's the thing to get, or whatever. And he'll say, all right. And Then he talks to the waiter, who's a complete stranger. He doesn't know this person. That person doesn't know his likes and dislikes.

[Kevin Nealon]

This person's fruit of his loins.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And then he. And then he. But he takes that stranger's advice over mine.

[Allison Rosen]

You inherited his taste buds, therefore you probably have an insight into what he likes.

[Brian Bishop]

I got one word for my old man. You ready there? Bald.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Jerk. Just a little one. Just a little one. It's, you know, it's retroactive, petite.

[Kevin Nealon]

Jerk. Here's the thing, though. I wish we lived in a world where we could trust any old waiter or waitress or server, whatever you're supposed to call them's opinion. But my sense from talking to restaurant people is that they push what they are told to push at the beginning of the night. So they might say, oh, yeah, the casserole, that's what we're known for. But they're not known for it.

[Brian Bishop]

The casserole.

[Allison Rosen]

What restaurant serves casserole?

[Kevin Nealon]

The lobster Mac and cheese. I'm making that up. But what I'm saying is they're trying to get, you know, oh, our special. Aren't they trying to get rid of.

[Allison Rosen]

Something, a certain kind of restaurant, like the kind that has like a one page menu only maybe like 10 items. Then you know you're gonna get something pretty good.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, here's a little tip to all the. To all the wait staff of the world. If Damoshek's don't spit in my food. Yeah. Well, Damoshek's rule is if you tell me and I ask you what about that item? And you tell me, like, don't get that. I don't love that, you just made yourself an extra 5% in your tip. Because I like that move. I like you not. But kowtowing to the man. See, you're relating to me as a human being.

[Allison Rosen]

Not my favorite thing on the menu.

[Kevin Nealon]

What I don't like, and this is extremely female, is when I'll be like, I'm trying to choose between these two things. And then they push me towards one. And then I realized secretly I wanted the other. And then I don't know what to do.

[Brian Bishop]

It's. It's a funny move. Yeah. When, when, See, that's the other dangerous game is you start soliciting the opinion of the waiter and he says, oh, the best thing is, is the veal chop or whatever, you know, you got to get that. And they're like, make it osso bucco.

[Allison Rosen]

Like when you say osso buco, Osso buco.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, what's the best thing on the. Well, so to be the osso buco? All right, I'll have the shrimp. That's a. I mean, what does he think of you then?

[Allison Rosen]

Slap in the face.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a right. Then why did the people ask?

[Allison Rosen]

Why bother asking?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't play that game. My old man, that's another one of his favorites. All right. Hey, Dawson and Gary, behind on the mic there behind the glass. Is this going all right so far? What? Fantastic job, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so impressed.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll give you an A so far. Really? All right, listen, it's the whole gang in here. We're all working.

[Kevin Nealon]

Would you like to know what's on my life resume?

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I want to know.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right. I mean, I know everything about facts.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought maybe you didn't care about this, and so I was gonna let it die quiet, like, quietly, if one of you didn't jump in here with your skills.

[Kevin Nealon]

I've been dying to tell you. I know everything about Facts of Life. I've seen every episode. Ask me anything. People know that I know, that I can tell the difference between a male and female duck.

[Brian Bishop]

Bald.

[Kevin Nealon]

I can.

[Brian Bishop]

Bald is a trivia wizard himself, and I think when you start shooting your mouth off like that, sometimes you might need to be taken to task on it.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right, that sucks.

[Allison Rosen]

A life.

[Kevin Nealon]

Let me. Let me finish my.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to know this. Wait, wait, wait. You can. You'll get to him. In the meantime, Gary, maybe you could look this up. It's a fun game, I think, especially if you don't have a computer in front of you when you play it. It is. Who has more Twitter followers? And let's do it with Facts of Life. Who do you think has more Twitter followers? Tudy or Natalie, whatever their real names are?

[Kevin Nealon]

Kim Fields has more.

[Allison Rosen]

Kim Fields also says authoritative and Mindy Cohn.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's what I think.

[Brian Bishop]

Based on what?

[Kevin Nealon]

Based on the fact that I know that for a brief shining moment, Mindy Cohn was following me. And then she unfollowed me. And at the time, she did not have that very many followers. And Kim Field has done more in the public eye of late. Hence, I have to assume she has more.

[Brian Bishop]

Not in front of this member of the public's eye. What has she done? I've never. I haven't seen her in 20 years.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kim Fields, she did Living Single.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what that is.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was probably over 20 years ago.

[Allison Rosen]

I never heard of Kim Fields. But I've heard the name.

[Kevin Nealon]

She's done a lot more.

[Allison Rosen]

I've heard the name Mindy Cohen, so.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'll guess probably only because I've talked about it.

[Brian Bishop]

And your next one, if Gary's already looking these up, then what about Blair versus Joe? Who has more? I don't even know.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Lisa Welchell is on Twitter. I don't even know if Nancy McKeon is on Twitter. God, if she is, I should be following her. I feel like she might not even be on Twitter. Therefore. Okay, Lisa Welch will did Survivor, Right? That's what made me think sister of Philip McKeon from Alice. Nancy McKeon.

[Brian Bishop]

Hell, what a great pool that one was.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's. I knew that question. Did you really?

[Brian Bishop]

I really. I honestly did know that if you would have asked me to name who her brother was. But that wasn't something that my brain naturally summoned. Can you name close 31,000 for Kim Fields?

[Kevin Nealon]

For Mindy Cohn, 3983.

[Brian Bishop]

What an embarrassment. Can you wait a second? Pull that back up, Gary, Because I like when what people say about themselves. She is. Mindy Cohn is an actor. She's a storyteller. She's an enthusiast.

[Allison Rosen]

Just enthusiastic.

[Kevin Nealon]

And she's an optimistic worrier.

[Brian Bishop]

What does it mean to be an enthusiast?

[Kevin Nealon]

A worry. She's a hobbyist. She's into things.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's one thing when people do.

[Brian Bishop]

That's on my bucket list. Or the opposite, the effort list. I don't want to be an enthusiast.

[Kevin Nealon]

But you, you are an enthusiast. I think you're an enthusiast of fruit and bliss.

[Allison Rosen]

Less in general.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Can you name. Sorry, Brian, this is TV trivia. Can you name the waitstaff at Ellis?

[Brian Bishop]

Vera.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, at Mel's Diner.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Vera. And then of course, the tramp of tramps. Flo.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes. Weren't there others, though?

[Brian Bishop]

There were. Vera Flo left, but they replaced her with. I think that's right. Flo, though, is a fascinating character that I don't think would exist in 2014 network sitcoms because she was a tramp. She was a middle aged trailer tramp is what she was. I mean that really. That's it.

[Allison Rosen]

She was a truck character arc.

[Brian Bishop]

She was a truck stop. Whoa. That's. That was her character.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what she did.

[Brian Bishop]

She had that red beehive. She was probably literally 55 or 60 years of age and she bedded down with every trucker who came through. You might be gross, pot bellied, mustachioed fellas.

[Kevin Nealon]

You might be familiar with her catchphrase, kiss my grits.

[Allison Rosen]

That I do know.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's her.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, you don't know you're Alice bald.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't watch any tv.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think it might actually have been before his time.

[Allison Rosen]

It was absolutely before my time, baby. Dave, you can answer the question I asked Alison two days ago, which is, why do people have nostalgia for terrible tv? Like, TV today is state of the art. It's fantastic. Everyone loves the True Detective and the Wire and all that stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like this is something. In fact, I know this is something I've talked about with one Ace Corolla on more than one occasion. It's a funny thing that even the worst movie right now is superior to a lot of really good movies. Not the script, necessarily, but a lot of the pictures that you hold up as these wonderful, impenetrably great movies, when you watch them now, they just don't look very good. And even the lamest picture looks so slick now. It's satisfying in comparison.

[Allison Rosen]

Technically. Provision.

[Brian Bishop]

It would be great to jump into a time machine, I always think. Wouldn't it be fun? Well. Oh, that's another Ace Corolla bit. I better. I was just about to say, what if you brought George Washington to 2014? Yeah, I think he came up with that 1780s guy. Scratch that. I want that. Cut out the last 42 seconds of this podcast. I want. Cut. Gary. You got it. I'm the boss here. New broom sweeps clean, you understand. Hey, I see the seat you're sitting in. All right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is Nancy McKeon on Twitter or.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it appears she's not. There's a few people named that, but based on their profile picture, Lisa Welchel.

[Kevin Nealon]

Though, we saw she had like 53,000.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? Well, so then, what does. So then, I guess that now requires that we look up two people. One Mrs. Garrett, I can't imagine she's on Charlotte Ray. She's not gone. She hasn't left us, has she?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, but I think it could happen soon.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, her. And then, of course, the person I would predict has the most Twitter followers with a connection to Facts of life, Molly Ringwald. Oh, season one.

[Kevin Nealon]

Interesting. Of course, interesting. Plain, plain. Someone named Molly. Interesting. I wonder. She probably does have a ton.

[Brian Bishop]

She's got to beat out. Lisa Welch, I would imagine bald. We're talking life resume stuff. And I want to kibbitz with you about yours, but on your upcoming in your life coming up is you're doing a book signing or some book signings. I love this. I'm not cracking Wise. But I love the idea of you sitting in New York City doing book signing. Like who's. I mean I hope, I hope there's a line around the block for you.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you. Do you predict there will be?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't. What's gonna happen though? Have you ever done anything like that? Have you ever.

[Kevin Nealon]

I want every one hot second. I can also hypnotize a chicken and I'm really good at that game where you roll the bowling ball.

[Brian Bishop]

We were coming around. I didn't want it to be Alison.

[Kevin Nealon]

Weren't going to.

[Brian Bishop]

We were coming back around. I wanted to talk about his resume.

[Kevin Nealon]

I can get the ball.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that all right to talk to ball Brian, for a second.

[Kevin Nealon]

I had to get it off my chest. I had to. I had to.

[Brian Bishop]

What about.

[Kevin Nealon]

I am done.

[Brian Bishop]

What about a bowling ball though?

[Kevin Nealon]

That game where you get the bowling ball over the first hump but in like there's that it's called like rollerball. I think you have to get it over the first hump and then it has to stay in the second hump without hitting the wall and bouncing back. I'm good at that. Okay. Brian, your book, very exciting book signings. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That apparently there's not gonna be anyone there according to Damascus.

[Brian Bishop]

I hope there's a. Like I say, I hope it goes for 17 city blocks.

[Allison Rosen]

But hold on a second. Alison. We've we along with the whole Corolla show did five sold out shows at Caroline's in New York.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that right?

[Allison Rosen]

And I will say that afterwards you and I spent a lot of time shaking hands and taking pictures. You're kidding.

[Brian Bishop]

Well then terrific. I love it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Or Adam has a lot. The show has a lot of fans in New York so I think there will be people there.

[Allison Rosen]

I hope.

[Brian Bishop]

I always assume. I always assume it stretches only so far. Like somewhere into the Midwest and the east coast. Is not that nobody knows who you guys are, but the. You know, not as popular.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wonderfully. Surprisingly those words don't go together how I want them to. We do very, very, very well at live shows in New York.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's like a feeling unlike anything in la.

[Brian Bishop]

Count me a bald Brian enthusiast.

[Allison Rosen]

May I mention the dates?

[Brian Bishop]

You may.

[Allison Rosen]

April 29th. I'll do my very ever first book signing. I'm quite nervous for reasons Dave mentioned. Nervous that no one will be there. But hopefully a lot of people will be there.

[Brian Bishop]

I hope so. Upper west side I It's not that misery loves company. I do remember though to bring it back to 2006. The radio show. I once had to. I got sent off to what kind of a wings place? Must have been a Hooters.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it in New York?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, it was in la.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I had to go to a Hooters in LA and I went radio promo for a promo. Hey, watch. Watch sports on Hooters TV with the sports guy from the Corolla show. Dave Damoshek. One person showed up.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, a couple things. A couple reason, explanation. One guy, number one, it was you.

[Brian Bishop]

And then it's weird. And now we have in addition. But the one guy. It's a weird because then it creates a weird thing because he came out to see you and now you can't. You don't have the natural excuse of. I'm sorry. Well, I'm gonna talk to all these other people now. So then you're basically stuck with a guy who's willing to hang out with you for the next 90 minutes at least. And it eventually gets to the point where he has to dump you because you have nowhere you have not. Well, well, Dave, it was great to.

[Allison Rosen]

He's leaving you. I gotta talk to my buddies over there.

[Brian Bishop]

It's getting late.

[Allison Rosen]

They don't know who you are, but they came with me.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then he leaves wondering why he was ever so into you. Not really. Because you sucked. Because I'm sure you didn't. But just no one else was there.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought it was unnecessary. He brought an old style phone over to the. Had a phone from the manager brought over to the table we were sitting at and put down and he said, you have a call, sir. And he took the call in front of me and he said, oh, I gotta run. And then he left him. I thought that was too much. Wow, that was unnecessary.

[Allison Rosen]

Hopefully that doesn't happen to me at Bookends bookstore in Ridgewood, New Jersey on May 1. That would be very embarrassing.

[Brian Bishop]

I wish you nothing but the best. I'm pleased as punch that you have this book. I'm glad to hear all the good stuff about it and I'll read it also. I told you, I just.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll get you an audiobook version. How about that?

[Brian Bishop]

I want the audiobook. Are you doing the reading on that or would you like me to do it?

[Allison Rosen]

It's available for pre order. Oh, would you? We could. There's still time to lay that down.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that'd be nice at least.

[Allison Rosen]

What if you do the chapter titles? Chapter 22 life resume.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that's what I'm about to ask you for. We're already Halfway through, I have remarkable.

[Allison Rosen]

Ability to figure out which line in the grocery store is going to go the fastest.

[Brian Bishop]

That is a true and powerful skill.

[Allison Rosen]

Christy will always pick the wrong one. My wife, she'll be like, oh, let's go over here. Like, nope, old lady, guy with the checkbook, we're going over here.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is it a gut instinct or are you doing some quick math?

[Allison Rosen]

It's a gut instinct, but a lot of it is. Like I said, you see someone whipping out a checkbook, add another minute and a half to that. You see a guy, you see a kid who, a younger looking guy who's got beer, 45 seconds to that, because they're going to get carded. Like there's going to be a lot of, you know, there's a lot of signs of lines that'll take a little longer. That's a work to the grocery store opportunities.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you, I have really bad luck, but maybe it's not luck at all. You know, maybe it's a skill that you actually have. You know how to read? Because I'm a great. I know this is one of those ones that people all claim they're good at, but I'm not talking parallel parking, which I'm pretty good at. But the thing I'm masterful with is finding a space in a parking lot that's close to the door. You know, I'm really good. Like, some people just resign themselves. I'm gonna park, you know, half mile away and walk. Not me. Damochet gets a space close to the front door every time, no matter how.

[Kevin Nealon]

Long it takes or you think it opens up for you.

[Brian Bishop]

No, some, some people, some of the other contenders will tell you that it has some mystical quality to it, this ability. No, no, it's skill. I, I, it's, it, you gotta, you gotta use your eyes, you gotta use your ears. You gotta use all five.

[Kevin Nealon]

You bet your heart.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, of course, yeah, of course that's where it starts, Goes without saying and, but yeah, you just gotta, you gotta spot these people. You gotta watch them, track them, where they're going. Just get the, get the feel for their pacing. Are they, are they anxious? A move to the car? Are they angling their body in such a way that this is the row that they're in? Or are they going to slide through the cars and go to the other side, in which case I have to accelerate to get to the end of the row I'm currently in, whip around and come back around and meet them on the other side.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a complicated algorithm, for sure.

[Kevin Nealon]

Like Mossad profiling, in a way.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I feel very much. I feel very much like I'm in Munich. All right. So, Bald Brian, want to round out your list? I'm going to continue with this because I have a hard hitting question, some hard hitting questions.

[Allison Rosen]

Along those lines, we ought to ask Allison our thing too, but along those lines.

[Kevin Nealon]

And we got to take quick break when we have an opportunity to take a quick break.

[Brian Bishop]

We're taking a quick break in a second. Listen, I know what I'm doing, Gary. You don't hold up signs. It's time to break behind the glass. I'm in charge. What did we just finish talking about? We'll get your precious news and I'll be quiet.

[Kevin Nealon]

Give a fuck about the news.

[Allison Rosen]

When it comes to athletic events, sporting stadium events, getting in, there's always a bottleneck, you know what I mean? Very good at finding the best place to sort of get. It's always in the soft middle. People always crowd the exit, like the ends, and it gets real hairy now. Go to the soft middle, you'd be through in a quarter of the time.

[Brian Bishop]

I once. I once. That's a good one. And sports reminds me, I once walked on a. On a sunny June Saturday on the north side of Chicago when there was a Cubs game. From my front door all the way to Wrigley field. That's about 16 or 20 city blocks. It's a 15 or 20 minute walk. Look, this is, you know, this is when there.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Brian Bishop]

The snow has melted. The city is alive with excitement. People love it. People are going crazy, you know, and so the streets are packed. There's. There are cars everywhere, but pedestrians everywhere. It's a game day, so there are thousands of people literally heading in one direction. I once went from my front door to Wrigley Field without once coming to a complete stop. I am a great urban walker.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, not never once can you.

[Allison Rosen]

Imagine you can slow your pace for sure to time it right.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not denying that's part of the skill. I'm not denying that. Right. I could. I could measure it out though, like, all right, 30. All right, Dave, 30ft from now, you're gonna want to accelerate here because it looks like there's a little jam up here. You want to whip around that, you're gonna have to jump onto the street to bypass. Everybody who's gathering at that street corner, come out, come out clean on the other side.

[Allison Rosen]

They've changed the rules to make it easier for Everyone else to do what you do. Because now they have the stop signs, the stop lights that blink with the time, with the number 30, 29, 28, with the hand that blinks. So now anyone can time it just right. Back then, you were playing by chance.

[Kevin Nealon]

See, I'm always. When we talk about these amazing skills, I'm always interested to know whether these are things like you, Brian, with the lines, whether people. Whether you're like, consciously using skills to figure out how to make the right decision or whether it's a gut thing. I have a horrible sense of direction. Like a very bad sense of direction. And my whole life I always thought a sense of direction was something innate. Like you just sort of feel into the environment, like feel where the right place is or whatever. And I realized no. People who have a good sense of direction, quote, unquote, have a map in their head and they have bird's eye view and they're just paying attention.

[Brian Bishop]

That's exactly right. You have to.

[Kevin Nealon]

It should not be called sense of direction. Good with memory and directions.

[Brian Bishop]

In la, as a for instance, you merely. When you get into your car and you start moving somewhere in the back of your brain, you must allow it to register the ocean is that way. And then that will dictate your direction the rest of the way. If you're in Chicago, just figure out where the lake is. And as long as you always have a sense of where you started out, you will never get too confused with that. All right. Fascinating, fascinating stuff. And this fascinating conversation will continue with Alison Rosen's news and a little something that bald Brian and I started on the podcast on my podcast earlier in the week, I think, Allison, we need a ladies touch on this one. And of course, your phone calls coming up here in just a second.

[Allison Rosen]

Dam the Shack, Dam the Shack Loves.

[Brian Bishop]

Lemieux, hates Belichick Spins a yarn in.

[Allison Rosen]

His eyes Blasts those jerks just like.

[Brian Bishop]

Flies look out, here comes Dave Damache. Is he fat? No, but he makes up for it with tons of grit.

[Adam Carolla]

If he's wrong, what's he do?

[Brian Bishop]

Says he's wrong like we're back. Taught him to.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey there.

[Brian Bishop]

There goes Dick Damach Cool cat Spell with Case is his fantasy team when they hit the field, Bill Simmons starts to cry Damn the Shack Dam the Shack his best friend is his TV set Steals since days of old Instead of red, bleach, black and gold look.

[Adam Carolla]

Out, it's Dave Dan the sh.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I love the sounds of my main man Dick Banks. The one man house band always brings good songs yeah, that's excellent stuff there. All right. So, Allison, you're going to do the news in just a second here. May I say something? Can I plug something? Gary, is that all right by you?

[Allison Rosen]

You're the boss.

[Brian Bishop]

NFL.com, the podcast is there, all that jazz. But I'm very pleased with something that I shot earlier this week. It is the alt. You know, the. Any football fan knows that the NFL draft is. Is just about here. It's three weeks away. In the meantime, I thought it would be fun. Instead of drafting from the current pool of eligible collegians, instead you open up to all of time. So we still have the 2014 draft order the Houston Texans number one on down. And you still have the legitimate needs of the Houston Texans. Probably quarterback or whatever, most things. But you can take not just any. Not your Davion Clowney or Johnny Football. No, you can take anybody you want. You could take ya. You could take ya tittle if you want.

[Allison Rosen]

Genghis Khan. You're talking about football player.

[Brian Bishop]

That's interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I didn't think about time is what you said.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right. You really could have. Maybe some guys. Yeah, maybe. You feel like he's a project, you know, Genghis Khan would be a project.

[Allison Rosen]

He's got a mountain in football shape.

[Brian Bishop]

William Howard Taft, drafted to be your nose tackle.

[Allison Rosen]

It plugs up those gaps.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you know that William Howard Taft had a cow on the lawn of the White House?

[Kevin Nealon]

I did not know that.

[Brian Bishop]

He's the. I love the way. Because the way I read about it, the first time I saw it was that William Howard Taft is the last stand. What do they say? Standing president. Well, standing president. Sitting active president. Sitting president wasn't active. He. William Howard Taft was the last president. And it didn't provide me with the other information of who else had cows on the White House. But he loved milk. This is true. That he had milk. He loved milk so much that he had a cow so he could get fresh milk every day. There's also a legend that is more difficult to prove apparently, but this is. You can look this up on the Google or wherever you want. William Howard Taft, on the day of his inauguration, supposedly got stuck in the tub and had to have three guys pull him out. He's the President of the United States. He was so obese that he had to be pulled out of the bathtub on inauguration day. Can you imagine?

[Kevin Nealon]

And who were these guys?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. The low men.

[Kevin Nealon]

Sounds awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

The low men on the totem pole. Thank you tamu. Yeah, we just saw a picture there. Gary will put that up on AdamCarolla.com for you to see there. Is that the White House, though?

[Allison Rosen]

Or maybe it was back.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, the cow looks gigantic.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

No, yeah, it was like.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, the Capitol wasn't always D.C. it was Philadelphia.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, but it burned down long before William Howard Taft was the president.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just saying. Oh, they moved at one point. I don't know, maybe it was a picture of a cow in front of the old White House.

[Brian Bishop]

Now Gary's just pulling up pictures from last week of cows on grass. That really doesn't help us.

[Allison Rosen]

That second one has a White House in the background.

[Brian Bishop]

It does, huh? I love the idea of being so powerful. Maybe that's Corolla's next move, is having a cow out in the parking lot just to make the statement that he can.

[Allison Rosen]

Just grazing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Somebody suggested that maybe somebody on the Twitter suggested that maybe we. For fun while Corolla's away, maybe we should move all his cars around and see if he notices.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Who is the guy?

[Kevin Nealon]

Leave the chip container open and he will show up.

[Brian Bishop]

What would happen if we. Like, what's his name? Cameron, in Ferris Buell his day off?

[Allison Rosen]

Alan Ruck.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Alan Ruck. Very nice. Yeah. What if we drove. Would he notice if we drove backwards?

[Allison Rosen]

Put a bunch of mileage on his car.

[Brian Bishop]

0.3 miles on one of his precious cars. He loves those cars more than he does us.

[Kevin Nealon]

One thing about the milk. The thing is, if you're drinking milk straight from the udder, that is stinky milk with. It's not very. It's not pasteurized, like, Taft must have been farting up a storm.

[Brian Bishop]

He weighed 498 pounds. I don't think he cared much. He was very fat.

[Allison Rosen]

£500.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't think he was that fat. But he. But look him up. He ain't like, he ain't a pudgy guy. He's not Chris Christie. He's. He's. Well, Chris Christie also is obese. Is morbidly obese. But I dare say Taft was fatter than Chris Christie. I think so. Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah. Chris Christie wouldn't get stuck in a bathtub.

[Brian Bishop]

The thing also about William Howard Taft is he was apparently a very serious kind of jerky guy. We'd like to think of him as silly, like jolly. Yeah. I'd like to think of him as like the Toronto Mayor, Rob Ford.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, get into hijinks, thumbs me.

[Brian Bishop]

Out that he's A jerk that he was a jerk to everybody. Couldn't have a laugh. And how do you get that fat when you're not eating chicken? What was that? I guess it was the unpasteurized milk.

[Allison Rosen]

There was no skim milk back then.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, look at this. This is terrific. I need you, Gary, to work on my podcast. I love just little facts pop up as we bring them up. He was 5 foot 11 was William Howard Taft. His weight peaked at 335. That's big.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's large.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so Gary, the king behind the glass has decided it's time to take calls. I was gonna go through. You ever watch Inside the Actor Studio?

[Kevin Nealon]

Do I ever. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

You know at the end of the show when he does that pivot interview and he's really pretentious about it. These were originally constructed by the great interviewer Bernard People. Yes, he does it like as though he suddenly turned French. But I wanted to ask you guys those questions, but nope. Gary, when you get to thought it wasn't important, what do you hope they'll ask? I know, I love those questions. They're. They're interesting.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is he still doing that show?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. I haven't seen it in probably a decade. What though, Allison, what is your favorite curse word?

[Kevin Nealon]

Fartknocker.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't even know if that counts as a curse word, but I appreciate it.

[Allison Rosen]

In church, you wouldn't say in church, bald. I'm gonna steal Tim Robbins answer and say pussy. You don't like pussy?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I love it. I love it. I think it for a long time was sea sucker, but now I just go with the classic cunt. That's the one that's the best. Believe me, off the air, I'll say it. I'll say it a lot. I use it quite a bit because I think it's powerful. I've even been known to turn it into a verb.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, a verb, like what?

[Brian Bishop]

Like that guy over there is really seeing it up today. You know, stop seeing it up. Would you like that kind of thing?

[Kevin Nealon]

Interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

You know. Alright, so Gary says it's my show, I can do what I want. All right, beat it, Gary. I don't like people who patronize me. Scram. You're finished. All right, let's take some calls. What do we want to do? Oh, they're all sports though. And I think we don't care about sports.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, I don't, but I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's talk to Pete, who is 40 in Washington. Pete, what's the poop fella.

[John Slattery]

Hey, get it on, guys.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, we are.

[John Slattery]

Yes, you are. You guys are doing well. Before I ask my question to you, Mr. Star wars expert, I wanted to thank Allison real quick for your podcast the other day with Brian and Christy. It meant a lot to me. It was fantastic.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, thank you. Thank you for.

[John Slattery]

Absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

I would love to have a meaningful conversation with Alison myself, but she hasn't asked me back on her show.

[Kevin Nealon]

You've been on my show twice. I would love to have you on a third time.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll see.

[Kevin Nealon]

Maybe we can talk about you and preschool and Good in Plenty's again.

[Brian Bishop]

Continue. Call her.

[John Slattery]

I was wondering, Mr. Damoshek, if you had any opinions about Lando Calrissian in the new Star wars movies, whether you thought he would be in them, and if he is, how long do you think It'll be until J.J. abrams takes him out?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's a good question, but to be honest with you, I'm jaded now. I'm jaded by a couple of experiences I've had over the last, what, 10, 12 years? First of which was Lost. Lost is. And by the way, maybe not coincidentally, JJ Abrams had something to do with that one. He and his fellow writer friends duped me in the world.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. Me too. It was the last TV show I watched, start to finish.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, listen, it ain't jive. Within three weeks of Lost's debut, the entire world said, oh, it's purgatory, right? It says it's purgatory. They denied, and then they denied it, which I understand on some level, but if everybody figures it out, don't you have to sort of lean into it to deny? I think we have something a little more complex than purgatory in mind here. Then I sit through another five years. Now, listen, as it turns out, I don't really have anything better to do with my time. But most they don't know.

[Kevin Nealon]

They don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't know what's going on with me. So they waste these five years only to reveal what we knew. Four months and nine. Four years and nine months. Previously Jaded two liars. I got excited, Pete, for the prequels because they I. Those had been foretold of from like 1983 or 4. I remember hearing, oh, yes, George Lucas, he's got the prequels all set. So as a. As a young boy, I was enthused. I waited patiently for what, the next 15, 20 years till they finally came out and we know what happened there.

[Allison Rosen]

They were fantastic.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever.

[Brian Bishop]

I would like to see bald. I guess. I guess that's sort of like basic cable classics that Corolla does. And I did Red dawn and Roadhouse with him. Watch the whole picture through, but have you ever gone back and done a review of old movies like that? You do the. You do current ones. It might be interesting to dabble once in a while.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

In some older pictures.

[Allison Rosen]

So can I choose good ones or should I go back?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. Maybe ones. Maybe ones that were controversial and how people receive them. You know what'd be a good one for that? How about, like, American Beauty or. Or Shakespeare in Love?

[Allison Rosen]

Didn't you and I. Weren't we just talking about Starship Troopers?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I just went back and we saw that semi recently. God damn, what a movie. What a great movie.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wait, what did you guys think of American Beauty? Because I loved that movie. Daniel did not like it that much, and I think that he thought it was overrated. Like, I think that he saw. I think that his expectations were inflated because of what everyone said.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the same thing as Forrest Gump.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Forrest Gump is a very good movie. It is not worthy of the Best Picture Oscar that. That gets under my skin, you know, But I deal with the same sort of heat that the voters at the academy deal with every year when I talk about fruit and condiments and. And so on and so forth to.

[Kevin Nealon]

Stay unbiased and to keep a clear head.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[John Slattery]

Are you saying it's like the perfect storm of Lost meets the badness of the prequel? No, I get your hopes up.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's it. That's all. I hope it'll be tremendous. And I just. I can't. I'm not going to indulge that. I'm not going to get excited about something when I have no idea. This is one thing I cannot be an enthusiast on. I'm sorry.

[Dave Damaschek]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

But I will tell you, Pete, here's my other beef with it, and I. Do you know, Abrams is. Is great, but I. It does rub me wrong. Sorry to be a nerd, but it does rub me wrong that the same guy who turned around the Star Trek franchise is now doing the Star wars franchise. This is the same as people who do that crap in New York when it's like, oh, the Yankees are out of the playoffs. Well, go Mets. No, you don't get it. You choose one or the other. Same for you, Abrams. Are you Trek or you wars? Up to you. You can't be both. That's right. That's right, Pete. We're on the same page here then. And the one thing for sure, I'd love to see Lando in it. I mean, the picture.

[Allison Rosen]

But in terms of who should play Lando, it's. I mean, these are taking place in the future. These are sequels. So it should be Billy Dee. Why would it not be Billy Dee Williams?

[Brian Bishop]

I think isn't that the point with. With the. Isn't Solo in it?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The who played them back in the day should play them now. Granted, they're still alive.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that was one of my five greatest memories, come to think of it, was when Mark Hamill, Luke Skywalker came into this very studio. When was that? About six months, a year ago.

[Allison Rosen]

Were you here?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I was here for it.

[Allison Rosen]

There you go.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I remember he wanted to at some point.

[Allison Rosen]

A lot longer than six months ago.

[Kevin Nealon]

I feel like it was at least a year ago.

[Brian Bishop]

You texted me during the show. Bald. The rare in show text message across the room. And your text message read, I think he's gonna punch you at some point. Oh, yeah, because I kept asking him questions about what was going down on Tatooine and, you know, and the ice plant at Hoth and everything. He didn't want to indulge my questions.

[Allison Rosen]

How bad did it smell inside that Tauntaun?

[Kevin Nealon]

It was December 2012, so just around six months ago.

[John Slattery]

Can I pay you a quick compliment, Dave?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, just this once.

[Brian Bishop]

You may.

[John Slattery]

All right. I just had to say that. Not. Not since when I saw the press day of Superball. I haven't laughed that hard. When you asked Pete Carroll that question. I haven't laughed that hard since 77 when a moisture farmer didn't know what the Kessel Run was. I mean, that was good stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, when I asked Pete Carroll if it was a must win game. Yeah, you're that nerd. That was fun. I did like asking all the players and coaches if the super bowl was a must win game. And getting curious looks from them all. Well, yeah. Yeah, I think it was. No, it wasn't Pete Carroll. I think it was John Fox. I can't remember which of the two, but John Fox was said. Well. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yes, it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it is a must win game, I think.

[Allison Rosen]

I hate to one up our nerdy collar, but you know how the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Parsecs is a measure of distance, not time.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not fast enough for us, old man.

[John Slattery]

You need a bigger sniff there.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks. Guys, there he goes. Pete, I like this line of questioning. What kind of thing is that to ask? It seems a little grim. Maybe Nils has a reason to ask this question, though. Nils is in Pasadena, right around the corner from us here. Bald Brian, he has a question for you. Nils. What's going down, fellow?

[John Slattery]

Oh, hey, how's it going? I just got attacked by a hungry robot. My three year old daughter.

[Allison Rosen]

My interest sounds like a Nils.

[John Slattery]

My, my interest is that, well, I love Paul Bryan. I think he is the most positive person I think I know on the show.

[Brian Bishop]

What a grim state of affairs. If Bald Brian, one of the snarkiest, most sarcastic human beings I've ever met in my life, is the, is the positive influence on this show.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the Bald Brian character. The real Brian's a positive.

[John Slattery]

Okay, well then to get that, Dalton. So I had experience with having a brain surgery years ago and my interest in o' Brien is his experience in recovery from his cancer. And my, my curiosity is whether he has had experience with either seizures or with consistent aphasia. I mean, in my position, I have been in this for 10 years, but I had gone.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like, I feel like this one, I feel like this is an important issue between two people who should have a conversation.

[Allison Rosen]

Take this off.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe take it off air. Will you give him a call? Bald.

[Allison Rosen]

I will not. But the answer to the question is why not?

[Brian Bishop]

He's very positive. See, he's such a sunny disposition.

[Allison Rosen]

I said it with a smile.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's okay.

[Allison Rosen]

To answer your question, I started to get better after my chemotherapy ended. It was a long, long, long, long process. So recovery is incremental, man. It's going to take a little bit of time at a time, but once you put some distance between you and your treatment, you're going to start to notice some differences. So keep at it, man.

[John Slattery]

Oh, I've been there. The thing that was surprising for me was that I had felt that things were all great. And then this, you know, for two years I had nothing. And then this past weekend I had a seizure and it was just like, wow. Why did that come from out of nowhere?

[Allison Rosen]

That could be anything. I mean, obviously see your doctor, but that's not necessarily saying that something is necessarily, you know, going the wrong way. It could just be part of your condition.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nils, what was your brain injury?

[John Slattery]

I had a type of stroke. I moved to la and then six months later I had a type of stroke called an avm.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Slattery]

And then it's. I was very lucky. The biggest Luck was I got my health insurance a month before it happened. I think that was amazing. But definitely I've had a lot of luck. But it's recovery is, you know, always, always ongoing. But the thing that I really like Brian is just, he's got such a positive attitude.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, listen, we. We're gonna have to part ways on that because he is not at all positive. Nils, here's what you do have going.

[Allison Rosen]

Good luck, buddy.

[Brian Bishop]

Nils. That's a cool. That's an exotic name. That's a cool guy name. I like that. It's a weird name. It's weird for a baby, though, Nils. The baby is weird.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know what's also Baby Nails.

[Brian Bishop]

Another weird name for a baby. And I'm not picking on him. It's Gary. Hey, look, everybody, it's Gary. The baby Glenn. Glenn is a weird one.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. The Gary we know is nothing like a baby. He's a large man. He's tall, statuesque. Yeah, striking.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a tough gig when you're naming a baby. Take care, Nils. Appreciate the call. Fellow, best wishes.

[John Slattery]

Thank you very much.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the trick with naming kids is the easy part is if you're short sighted is, oh, look, name a little boy. We'll name him Brandon or Cody or something, you know, because it's a cute little thing because. But then it has to become a man. And then what? Now you've really damned your child.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. You pin him in a corner.

[Brian Bishop]

I've said it before. I've said it. I'll say it again now. The greatest. You know, I say roll the dice. Set the, you know, set the bar high for your infant child. And I don't think anyone ever, as parents, set the bar higher for their child than the parents of former LA Rams defensive lineman Merlin Olson. They named him after, oh, a fictional medieval wizard. You know, I mean, that's. That's like good luck. Good luck getting up to that, you know. Now, he didn't become a wizard, but he did play professional football.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a wizard on the gridiron.

[Brian Bishop]

Then he was also. Yeah, right. And he was also Father Murphy, so he got to be in a TV show, too. Yeah, so that was pretty. And I. I give some credit, at least to his parents for naming him Merlin.

[Allison Rosen]

Was he a Super bowl champion? Ever play for super bowl champion?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, still, hell of a career.

[Kevin Nealon]

Speaking of names, someone asked me today, do you go by Alison or Ali? And I said, alison, and then I hung up. But it was the road. Hard wardrobe person. I have a little role in Adam's film. And I'm very excited about that. And then I hung up, though. And I thought, I feel a little bit. I feel a little bit like that might have come off as bitchy. Because the truth is I do go by Alison. My family calls me Ally. Some people call me Ally. I don't refer to myself that way, though I do answer to it. But. But I feel like that sort of like in that exchange she was saying, can I call you this affectionate nickname? And I'm like, no, not at all. Don't you think?

[Brian Bishop]

No, but the other. I don't. I think you're beating yourself up about something small. I often do that. Right. Assume that people take way much more than they do from any interaction with me. It's a slight event that they don't remember four minutes later. But to me, I'll obsess about it for now.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think I'm a pretty big deal in her world.

[Brian Bishop]

But I have said it's. It's interesting that I have said this for some time about Jimmy Kimmel, that imagine if he had. Because the instinct is. It's cool. Like I'm William. David Danishek is my. Is my full name.

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't know you were William.

[Brian Bishop]

So I could conceivably be Billy. You know, I could be Billy Danishek or Willie Danishek. I. Well, no, it's a big difference. If I were Billy Danishek, Dave Damaschek, that could be Mike. I could be John. I'm not cooler or less cool for being Dave in front of Dave. I mean, in front of Danishek. But if I were Billy, If I were Billy Danishek through the roof in the cool factor. Right? Way cooler guy. If I'm a grown man named Billy Danishek, don't you like me more?

[Kevin Nealon]

I do too. But I get what you're saying. Billy Danishek, like Billy Danishek blows into town.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then he rambles on out.

[Brian Bishop]

But. But the well intentioned parent might say, let's call him Billy his whole life. But when he gets to his teen years, he wants to feel grown up. And he'll say, I want to be Bill. Call me Bill. Or William even worse, like Rick Schroeder. And then what? Now you're. Now you're. And if, what if Jimmy Kimmel in his, you know, pubescent years had said, no, no, no, I want to feel more grown up. I want to be Jim Kimmel. He wouldn't be hosting a TV show right now.

[Kevin Nealon]

James.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that'd be awful. Same goes for Jimmy Fallon. Is it a coincidence that two of the men on the face of the earth who hold the coveted late night chairs can't be are Jimmy's.

[Allison Rosen]

There was a Dave Letterman.

[Brian Bishop]

Would there be a. Well, Dave. Yeah, Dave is slangy. Dave is softer than David. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

There's Johnny Carson. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Look at this. Look. Now we're on a roll here. This show's really getting good.

[Kevin Nealon]

All of a sudden we're cooking Merv Griffin. Not Mervin.

[Brian Bishop]

Jack Parr, not Jonathan Parr.

[Allison Rosen]

Jay Leno. Not Jay.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, listen, we got into a little bit of a run there, okay? All right. Gary says that he's hungry and so he wants to go home. So we're gonna wrap to show up in just a second here. Real quick, though, let's do something bald because we promised we would. Like I say bald came in and I'm going to plug again because you know what? I'm making the rules again. Go on itunes.

[Allison Rosen]

You're the boss.

[Brian Bishop]

Dave Damaschek football program. We do a couple a week. Like I say, we had Ladanian Tomlinson on, soon to be in the Pro Football hall of Fame. But in the meantime, guess what he and I did? We broke down the NBA playoffs. That's what we do.

[Allison Rosen]

Does he know his NBA?

[Brian Bishop]

Do I make the rules? Yeah, I make my own rules. Is it an NFL podcast? What am I using future NFL hall of Famer to do? To do my bidding? That's what I wanted to talk about basketball today. So that's what we did. And two days before I talked about, I brought in bald Brian. What's he have to say about sports? Nothing worthwhile, that's for sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Promise you that.

[Brian Bishop]

But we still came in. He still came in. We had a delightful conversation. You can dig that up. And something we barely skimmed the surface of. And now, Alison, this was bald's idea to get a lady's perspective. Yours in particular.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

We were talking about. It's, you know, the old thing, I'm sure you've reported on it in the news at some point is, you know, there's always a research thing that comes out every six months or so that says, hey, good looking people do better in life. As though this should be something.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm not familiar with that notion.

[Brian Bishop]

What, you've never heard that, Wait, they.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do better than people who are covered in boils or scales?

[Brian Bishop]

Are you being sarcastic? Yes. I hope you're being sarcastic.

[Kevin Nealon]

I am being sarcastic, yes. Yes. And I am Being sarcastic.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. I thought you were being serious that you'd never heard of any such study. No, they get all the time.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You always hear.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because I'm so good at acting.

[Brian Bishop]

Very good. That's Corolla and that movie production are lucky to have you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you very much.

[Brian Bishop]

Why does Allison have a role in no one else though? Is that a slap in the face to the rest of the game?

[Kevin Nealon]

I would like to think so, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a direct slot.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you ask for one?

[Kevin Nealon]

Allison may have expressed an interest.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, because I read the script and I really liked it and I said.

[Allison Rosen]

I fuck, I want to play this Adam Corolla character.

[Kevin Nealon]

What did Sean Young do?

[Allison Rosen]

Dressed up in a Catwoman suit.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Dressed up in a homemade Catwoman suit.

[Kevin Nealon]

I went out on a limb.

[Brian Bishop]

I just thought that was a random question. What did Sean Young do? I don't know. I just. Apparently. I'm sure she did a lot of loony things.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, but she's famous for. Yeah, like going out.

[Allison Rosen]

Having second Batman.

[Kevin Nealon]

Going out on a limb to get a role. I did not dress as a cat or anything.

[Brian Bishop]

She was in the second.

[Allison Rosen]

No, she wanted to be in the second Batman movie. So she showed up to the rehearsal or the.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, she wanted to be a Catwoman.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you know here, here's some fun movie trivia. I found that. I find this remarkable. Michelle Pfeiffer, who is she over 50 now? She stacks up with Christie Brinkley as the. In the over 50 sec. The women. She's the. She's held on.

[Allison Rosen]

She may be number one.

[Brian Bishop]

Goldie Hawn hung on for a very long time until she ruined things by, you know, going under the knife on her. Put them. But yeah, Michelle Pfeiffer, when she was Catwoman, she was. She had the whip, you know, and she goes into the closed department store. It's late at night. Remember that scene? And she goes in there and she whips off the heads of four mannequins that are lined up. Do you know she did that for real? And on the first take. Really? That's right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, go back and watch that scene and then. And then feel amazed. All right, you have to watch the scene.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, there's the IMDb trivia section.

[Brian Bishop]

She's. She's got to be 40 or 50ft away from the last one. She just. And by the way, that reminds me of when people ask what's the grip? Because people always come up to me, are stopping me on the street. Dave, Dave, what's the greatest movie fight in history. My answer is always Flash Gordon, Prince Baron. In Valtan's lair, in his kingdom, they go out on a floating circle in space. They go out and it rotates and it undulates and spikes shoot up from it. And it's a very. It's a. A very small amount of space that they have to conduct this fight. But the thing that makes it so brutal is it's a whip fight. Can you imagine being in a whip fight?

[Kevin Nealon]

I would tangle myself up.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody's whipping at you while you're whipping at them. Why are you checking your phone, Allison? That hurts my face.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm bored.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I'm not. The time it was.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's get into something for Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's do it. So bald and I. I'm sorry, I got off track.

[Kevin Nealon]

Bald and I wasn't really bored.

[Brian Bishop]

Bald and I. We're talking and we. Off of this idea of who's handsome and so on. I'm fascinated and I love to ask pro football players this question all the time, and they always give me a weird look. But then they find themselves engaged and they start having opinions that they didn't know they had. Who's the most handsome man in the NFL? And what is the, you know, the A list position in pro football? Quarterback. Did you even know that the quarterback is.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I did.

[Brian Bishop]

You knew that's the most important?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes. People have tried to explain football to me numerous times. It never fully takes. Strangely enough, the one who got closest to explaining it to me, our very own Matt Fondelier. But he was explaining how the field works, basically. But yeah, I do understand. Sort. I sort of get that. It's like chess and they can each sort of. They can only move in certain ways, and the quarterback calls it all. But he also is like talking to the coach.

[Allison Rosen]

Kind of true.

[Brian Bishop]

Very, very, very loosely.

[Allison Rosen]

Very top level. Yeah, that's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, how much do you get for a touchdown?

[Kevin Nealon]

20 bucks. 2 points.

[Brian Bishop]

So here's what we want to do. I say. So I've asked a lot of pro football guys.

[Kevin Nealon]

Fingers.

[Brian Bishop]

It's. That's right. 6. And then an extra point. How many you get for a field goal?

[Kevin Nealon]

Three.

[Allison Rosen]

Somebody feels.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't like Gary cooking this. Cooking this. It's not that interesting.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know about points.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's get into this then. Because as a woman, you know. Well, let's talk about sacks, but more importantly, what they have neck up NFL quarterbacks. Let's figure out who the most handsome is I say it's Tom Brady. To me, he remains the gold standard. You know, Ball didn't agree, though.

[Allison Rosen]

The only thing I said the original sparked this debate was we talked about Tony Rom. When I said, oh, good looking guy. And Dave's like, yeah. I go, he's definitely one of the 10 most good looking quarterbacks in the league. And Dave's like, no way. And now it's on. Now I got to figure out now, is this.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I'm excited. I'm excited to weigh in here. Is this who you personally find attractive, or are you guessing at what women find attractive?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I will listen. I'm comfortable with my masculinity. I know. I know what the score is. I. There are certain guys. It's funny. I don't know. I know that George Clooney is handsome, but I am surprised when I hear, like, who's a guy who women swoon for? And I. And Gosling kind of is one of those guys. Yeah. I'm amazed that he is as this guy who every. Who every woman loves.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

The guy from Maroon.

[Kevin Nealon]

Female equivalents of those Maroon 5, Adam Levine. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Is a guy who all the ladies love. Ben Affleck seems like a handsome devil to me.

[Kevin Nealon]

I personally, I'm more of a Matt Damon.

[Brian Bishop]

See, I see Matt Damon. I could walk by on the street. I would never bat a second eye at him. I would never know that he's considered a handsome man. But I've heard so many women go wild for him.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right, I'm looking at Tony Romo, and I'm looking at Tom Brady.

[Allison Rosen]

Tom Brady. The smart money's on Tom Brady for number one.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. So I'm a front runner. But Brady's. But Brady's a handsome devil. The only. And I'll jump to the end of the book, the only guy who challenges him in my book is Cam Newton. We'll see Cam Newton a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

But takes a certain flavor, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Tony Romo, chocolate mostly, is also attractive, but Tom Brady is more attractive. But the weird thing is then when you start, like, really analyzing his face so it sort of falls apart a little bit, but just at a glance. Tom Brady, who are you taking into your bet? Tom Brady.

[Brian Bishop]

Brady over Romo. Next.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a dark horse candidate. I wrote him down who I think might be. Might be above Brady for Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

Lay it on us.

[Allison Rosen]

No dark horse. I'll wait till it's over.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so as we're sitting here in the studio, Gary is throwing up photos for us.

[Allison Rosen]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Or they're gonna keep coming. All right, go ahead. Next photo. These will also be on AdamCarolla.com so you could. That's Cam Newton right there.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah. He's cute, but still Tom Brady.

[Brian Bishop]

Tom Brady over Cam Newton. All right, that's number two for me. Is Cam ahead of Romo or Romo ahead of.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I'm not digging Ryan Tannehill.

[Brian Bishop]

Ryan Tannehill is. I think people like him. I think.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think he looks like someone that Gary and I would have gone to high school with, who played water polo and who was an asshole.

[Brian Bishop]

He has a beautiful wife. That's why people. I think he's in the conversation because a lot of young fellows swim.

[Allison Rosen]

He's wearing the Right.

[Brian Bishop]

She's very Southern, college kind of beaut. Know, flaxen hair and 98 pounds and all that. Yeah, she looks like the prom queen or the homecoming queen from, like, Alabama. Yeah, right. That's exactly right. Good description. So Tannehill is bringing up the rear in Allison Rosen's book. Yeah, mine too. We're on the same.

[Kevin Nealon]

But not my rear. We have the same taste in men.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, here comes Andrew Luck.

[Kevin Nealon]

Andrew Luck is. He looks like he could be attractive, but this is a horrible photo of him. Or is this him?

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's him. That's him.

[Kevin Nealon]

If I met him at a party and he had a great personality, which he probably would, and he'd be funny, then I would probably think. Think that he's cute and charming, but just looking at this, that's doing nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you call that Mennonite beard that he has? He doesn't. He doesn't grow the mustache. He just grows the beard underneath.

[Kevin Nealon]

What that is. That's not good.

[Brian Bishop]

No Tannehill or Luck?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, God. Luck over Tannehill, actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? You really hate Brian Tannehill?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You know the. You know all the personality traits you put on him? You put on him? We don't know.

[Kevin Nealon]

I projected a lot of negative things on him. He reminds me of people that I. Not if he's. He reminds me people I went to high school with and I did a particular type of person I didn't like.

[Brian Bishop]

Now this guy, Colin Kaepernick, he's the quarterback of Bald's favorite team, the San Francisco 49ers. He's more new Agey in that he has tattoos on his arms that he kisses after a touchdown. He's got the goat.

[Kevin Nealon]

What's going on with his hairline? He looks like a Lego man. His hair Snaps on.

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty sure he's half black and half white, you fucking racist.

[Brian Bishop]

That's.

[Kevin Nealon]

This has nothing to do with his race. I feel like that. Don't you think? That line is shaved into his head.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. That was a. Bald again. It's a good for bald, though. He's a. He's a loyal.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a loyal fan and a positive.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not going to talk about it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is that what I'm encountering?

[Brian Bishop]

Fandom? This is what happens, Allison. You start messing with teams. You should see the tweets and such that I get if I say, yeah, I think the Niners are going to beat the Cardinals this week. You suck. You're the worst. You don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Kill yourself. I've gotten Kill yourself. That kind of.

[Kevin Nealon]

Alex Smith is sort of cute.

[Allison Rosen]

This is a forgiving photo, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

That's pretty much him.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Kevin Nealon]

What, does he play for the other team that you don't like or something?

[Allison Rosen]

49Ers. Exquisite.

[Brian Bishop]

He used to be on the 49ers.

[Kevin Nealon]

There's something sort of cute about him. Not for me, but, like, if my friend dated him, I'd be like, oh, yeah, he's. I can see why you think he's cute. Does he have a scar on his forehead?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think so. I think he probably just took a ball cap off in that picture. But what do you think? So let's gauge it now. Brady still won for you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Then Cam Newton or Romo. What did you say there?

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't. I. Michael Kaepernick.

[Brian Bishop]

So who's laugh. Oh, Kaepernick is. He's third place, maybe. Wow. Pretty good. See, that's one of those guys that I would walk by on the street. Never.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I would never think, oh, yeah, he's an attractive man, but I've heard a lot of women like him.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, there's Drew Brees, and his face is angled so that you cannot see that he has a mole on his right cheek. It's a birth. What's the difference?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, moles like a dot. His is like the shape of New Jersey.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think there's a difference. I think a mole is a birthmark is a mole.

[Kevin Nealon]

How big is how. How close in size to New Jersey is it?

[Brian Bishop]

I would say it's the size of a Sharpie pen cap of your highlighter. Pen cap is about the size of it.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think I can actually see it a tiny bit. Right. It looks like a sideburn.

[Brian Bishop]

Women. This is another guy women like.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, he's cute.

[Adam Carolla]

Cute.

[Brian Bishop]

He's only five eleven.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Six foot.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I know that five, six.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not saying it as a, as a. To condemn him. There's. There, you can see right there. I'm not condemning him with this. I'm saying that he. That a lot of These guys are 6, 4, 6, 5. Are you gonna, is that going to rule them out for you?

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, next up, let's see. Are we almost done here?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, this guy's cute. Here's Ray near the top, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. This is Aaron Rodgers.

[Kevin Nealon]

He is. He's cute. Yes. I like him.

[Brian Bishop]

I think he's, you know, he's a dark horse.

[Allison Rosen]

I like Aaron Rodgers, my dark horse.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Aaron Rodgers is a handsome man and I think that he. To me by. As a side note for the football fans out there, I say he's not just the best quarterback in the NFL currently. When it's finished, he will go down as the greatest quarterback in the history of football.

[Kevin Nealon]

Number one.

[Brian Bishop]

That's exactly what I feel. That's exactly right. He is gangbusters.

[Allison Rosen]

He's very, very good.

[Brian Bishop]

He's been behind the eight ball for quite a while. The Green Bay Packers. He has been on a talent poor team to some degree at least defensive.

[Allison Rosen]

That team would fall apart if he wasn't there.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

There'll be a 1 in 15 team.

[Brian Bishop]

They would be dreadful without him. And yeah, I think that, you know, he got close. They almost, you remember they almost went undefeated about three years ago and got upset in Lambeau by the Giants. A game the Giants shouldn't have really won. But the packers receivers had a case of the dropsies all day long. And there was a. Now there was. That was the Hail Mary. The key Knicks at the end of the half and so they didn't get to do it. But if he had two rings right now, I think everybody would say, oh yeah, he's clearly the best.

[Kevin Nealon]

He might be number two.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like I over Cam Newton.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes. I forget what Cam Newton looks like.

[Allison Rosen]

My dark horse still has not appeared in that. So let's keep going.

[Brian Bishop]

Keep going. I'm glad we did this at the end because I can imagine this bit won't be for everybody.

[Allison Rosen]

Keep going.

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

That'S my guy. That's Ben Roth.

[Kevin Nealon]

And it's not just because I know that he was accused of rape or.

[Brian Bishop]

Sexual dick pics or the record never charged with anything. People loved it. Well, listen. Yeah. By some co Ed, he was. Listen, serious charges. And if they were. And if they were legitimate, you would imagine that. That they probably would. He would have been charged with something, but he was not.

[Kevin Nealon]

So he has a similar face structure to this guy named Bob that I dated who had this kind of voice.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, it's Bob.

[Kevin Nealon]

Very sounds. Yeah. So. No, I'm not. I'm not. No, no, no, no, no. Everything's not for everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess that's fine.

[Kevin Nealon]

What? Okay. No.

[Brian Bishop]

Next up, Jay Cutler, who's married. You should know who this is.

[Kevin Nealon]

What's her name?

[Brian Bishop]

Kristen Cavallari.

[Kevin Nealon]

He's cute. He has a. He's very cute. He's got a little bit of the Joe Francis total scumball thing happening, but other than that.

[Brian Bishop]

I was so worried you were gonna say that. He has a double chin, which he obviously does, but that. Then that's the angle.

[Kevin Nealon]

Isn't that the angle of photo?

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's it. And it's an indictment of Damoshek, too.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's adam Kroll show 1306.

[Giovanni]

We have another guest hosted episode. Once again, no Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

This one's hosted by Kevin Nealon.

[Giovanni]

Features John Slattery of Mad Men, Nina.

[Allison Rosen]

Carvey and Matt achity.

[Brian Bishop]

Also from 2014.

[Allison Rosen]

Check it out.

[Brian Bishop]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Tonight's guest host, Kevin Nealon. Tonight's guest, Mad Men's John Slattery with Allison Rosen on news, Paul Bryant on sound effects. And a visit with Matt Ajety. And now, since Adam's not here, it'll be the first time the wine stain and Billy the Elephant don't come up in this show. Kevin Nealon.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, everybody. Thank you. That's a nice. Wow. That's a lot better than I expected.

[Kevin Nealon]

What were you expecting?

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. I didn't know there was a studio audience. Oh, there they are. That's better. That's more what I'm used to. You know, I'm very excited to be here with Allison and bald Brian and Matt. And I do this maybe once every two years, something like that. And feels like a lot more. It does, actually. Yeah. Thank you, Bald Bryant. I see. That's the way it's going to go today. Fair enough. But I was excited. I had a nice. I showered before I came here. I put powder on. I'm putting powder on lately.

[Kevin Nealon]

Where do you put it?

[Adam Carolla]

I put it on my chest and in my crotch.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's where Adam puts the.

[Allison Rosen]

Like baby powder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

Makeup powder.

[Adam Carolla]

No makeup powder. Talc talcum powder. I use baby powder. Comes in a travel size. By the way, I love the travel section of the pharmacy because I do travel a lot because I'm a stand up comic and I work a lot of weekends. But I love the little travel size things of powder. I can't find the pond's powder, which I used to use. I love the pond's powder. I don't think they make it in the travel size anymore. But I do get the hand cream. The powder. You know what my nights are like in hotels.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. All powder, all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Powder and hand cream. That's it.

[Allison Rosen]

Alternating.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. So I have the powder on. I'm totally.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's like you're dredging your hands.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. But my whole body paste. You could put hand cream all over your body. I found out it's just not good for the hands. It works everywhere. And I have. Right now, I am totally drenched in body cream.

[Kevin Nealon]

You do look very emollient. I'm supple and yeah, there's a sheen. I can see my face in your forearm right here.

[Adam Carolla]

How about my muscle?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yep, there it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Not bad for a 60 year old, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

It's like. There's a little like Crisco on there, but it looks good.

[Adam Carolla]

There may be some Crisco.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're very tan.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not tan. That's just.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I'm. I'm very pale, so everything compared to me is tan. But it's just your natural skin tone.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. Actually. I'm Irish.

[Kevin Nealon]

Your natural Mediterranean skin tone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my Irish, Mediterranean Bob.

[Kevin Nealon]

Brian, do you have a top drop?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I just, I played it, uh.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, glad we took the time out to hear it.

[Allison Rosen]

Then again, that was Kevin Nealon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What? I don't know what a top drop is.

[Allison Rosen]

At the top of every show, Adam Carolla will greet. Say, Allison Rosen's with us. How are you doing? She's like, fine. He'll say, Bob Ryan and I will play a drop. And I usually just play one. In the past that was just kind of random or whatever. And then we started getting the thing where on Twitter people would request a top drop at the top of the show with the hashtag top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Very nice. So you asked me earlier what I've been up to, or am I imagining that?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Kevin Nealon]

I did. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, like I said, I've been doing a lot of stand up comedy. I just got back from D.C. which is Washington, D.C. and in New York as well. And next week I'm going to Lexington to a club called. I have to look to see what it's called. It's called Off Broadway Comedy. Off Broadway on the May 9th and 10th.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's really far. Off Broadway.

[Allison Rosen]

How many days do you do a year?

[Giovanni]

That's very off Broadway.

[Adam Carolla]

That's this weekend, actually.

[Allison Rosen]

How many days do you do a year?

[Adam Carolla]

I do almost every weekend, really. Except for maybe about 30 of them.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So that's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a lot.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I like doing it. I'm taking my 7 year old with me this weekend. Not as my opener, but as my wing boy. Yeah, he brings back, you know, just quality stuff to me. So, yeah, that's what I'm doing. And I have a film coming out that we shot in South Africa last summer. I don't know how many Rotten Tomatoes. What's gonna happen with that? We'll find out, though, I'm sure. It's called Blended.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, here's the guy to talk to.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you seen it yet, Matt?

[Giovanni]

I have not seen it yet, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, good.

[Allison Rosen]

But I hear things.

[Giovanni]

I hear things. No, I actually. I don't know anyone that's seen it yet.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw it, yeah.

[Giovanni]

And how.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think it's pretty good. I think it's good. Yeah. I'm surprised that, you know, because I'm in it. Usually when I'm in a film, it's not good.

[Giovanni]

You know, expectations are high because the better movies that Adam Sandler does tend to have the ones that the critics like better tend to have Drew Barry more in them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

So they like the ones where he's paired up. But he doesn't have a good track record with the critics.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but his films always make a lot of money.

[Giovanni]

Yes, they do, right? Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So you can't please the film critics all the time. I'm looking at the. The screen here. It says 92% want to see this film.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. On our site that means 92% of the audience of people that have gone to that page have said that. Yes. They want to see that movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Giovanni]

So that's a good sign.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And Matt, you are actually. What's your title Over.

[Giovanni]

I'm the editor in chief at Rotten Tomatoes.

[Adam Carolla]

You're the eic? Yes, over there. Nice. What's the most tomatoes you've given somebody or percentage?

[Giovanni]

We have a few movies that are 100%.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

There's a few of them. The trick is maintaining that hundred percent with more reviews. So the two that kind of constantly duke it out for the best reviewed Position on the site are Toy Story 2, which is at 100%, and man on Wire. Yeah, both of Those are at 100% with like 140 reviews.

[Brian Bishop]

Man on Wire.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on now.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you guys seen this movie?

[Adam Carolla]

Never heard of it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a documentary. Come on.

[Giovanni]

That's a great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

What's it about?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, boy. It's a documentary about a tightrope walker and his quest to, like walk some tightrope in New York City or something.

[Giovanni]

Well, about the guy in the 70s who walked the tightrope between the World Trade center bills.

[Allison Rosen]

Listen, that's a fine film, but let's not get carried away with 100%.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. I love high wire acts.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, then this is a movie for you, my friend.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to Fallsview Casino May 24 to do a gig up there and it's right on Niagara Falls. I've only been to Niagara Falls one other time. And I went into the museum there and they had an exhibit of this high wire act guy who had a manager that he thought didn't really believe in him that much. So he says, I'm going to tightrope across the falls and you're going to ride on my back if you really believe in me. So he made the manager climb up on his back and ride him as he tightroped across this cable. And halfway across, the wind picked up and he told his manager to get down. So the manager had to climb down off his back and kind of hang on to him and stay on the cable until the wind died down again. Then he said, okay, climb back up.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

How did no one fall in the course of that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but that manager's name? Don King.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Take a break. We'll be right back. No, I'm kidding.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a bizarre coincidence.

[Adam Carolla]

It is, but I love that kind of stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

It is. I like that they use. Tightroping is a verb.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, tightroping is a verb.

[Allison Rosen]

So he tightroped across the tightrope.

[Adam Carolla]

He tightroped? Well, what else would you call it?

[Allison Rosen]

No, that. That's walked. But that doesn't really explain what he's doing.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's really underselling.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, for sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Kevin.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I was just gonna say, have you ever done any sort of acrobatic type things like that?

[Adam Carolla]

I've pulled a few stunts in my life, but never anything like that. I'm. I'm not. I'm not a fan of heights to be Honest with you, you know, I'm getting better at it. I've gotten over my claustrophobia. I used to have claustrophobia.

[Kevin Nealon]

How'd you get over it?

[Adam Carolla]

Just by confronting my fear of closeness. I would walk around with a box on my head all day. That's the best way to do it.

[Allison Rosen]

That'll do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I would start with Sink or Swim. I would start with a lot of holes punched in it so I could feel like I was kind of free and able to get out. And then I would slowly close up the holes over a period of time. So within 12 years, all the holes were closed up and I was free of my fear of claustrophobia. But I was bumping into a lot of things. And then I developed a fear of bumping into a lot of things.

[Giovanni]

But now you're the cardboard version of the unknown comic.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, yeah. Yeah. But now I don't have phobias anymore. Nothing a little bit of fear hides if it's really high.

[Kevin Nealon]

And yet you're fascinated by watching a tightroper tightrope across the.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't watch that stuff. I'm fascinated by the story of it, you know, reading it. I mean, even to this day, when I see a movie that it's high up in a building where they are like Tom Cruise is hanging on to the side or whatever, I. My palm starts sweating. I really can't. I have to put my head down.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know what I can't do? Have you ever been in a museum where they have that exhibit? It's like the floor is translucent and underneath it you see a small scale replica of a city and you walk over the top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't seen that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, it's there. I'm trying to remember what museum. I feel like I've seen this more than once.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it the Translucent Museum?

[Kevin Nealon]

It is. It's the Translucent Museum that you walk across. It's a little on the nose, the title, but yeah. Anyway. But I mean, the drop is only like three feet below.

[Adam Carolla]

But it looks.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yes, but it messes with your perspective. And I always flinch when I walk.

[Giovanni]

But you're not going to the transparent balcony on the Grand Canyon.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. That I could not do.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, but the only thing you do have, which I've been on and enjoyed quite a few times, maybe because I was drunk in Vegas. They have, you know, the Ghost Bar or whatever it is movie up there in the palms that. The clear floor. That's pretty cool. When you can look through down to The Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

I would do the Grand Canyon walkout thing if it was like late in the day and the glass was really dirty from everybody, so I couldn't really see through it that well. Yeah, that I would do at that time of the day. But yeah, other than that, I have no. I used to not like long plane rides over the ocean. And I went to South Africa this past summer to shoot this movie. Blended. And that was a 20 hour flight from Los Angeles. I mean, there was even an astronaut sitting in the road behind us going, jeez, this is taking forever. Come on. But beautiful. And I don't know if you guys been to South Africa.

[Allison Rosen]

I heard it's wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's great. First of all, this is where they keep all the zoo animals.

[Allison Rosen]

That's not.

[Adam Carolla]

It's more like a storage warehouse for them. And refrain from using ethnic slurs. And we went down to Robben island where they kept Nelson Mandela's in that little cell for 18 years. And I had my picture taken in front of it. And you know, you don't smile in front of the cell. I learned that you gotta be reverent. You've gotta be very, very sensitive.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

You don't stand there with a big grin like, I'm out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it was at first. It was a big grin. And then after a while I thought, that's not sensitive. Then I made it more like suffering.

[Kevin Nealon]

Like, oh, the humanity kind of sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That was more sensitive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was.

[Allison Rosen]

But is it direct flight to South Africa?

[Adam Carolla]

It's through Atlanta.

[Allison Rosen]

So they don't fly direct from la?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Nothing holds that much gasoline.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Unless you go in a helium balloon, maybe.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It's a good thing you didn't. Would have taken a lot longer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't really hear a lot about helium balloons anymore, do you? You don't hear about like kids going up in one or.

[Allison Rosen]

I was just thinking about that. How nice it would be to go up in a balloon. So quiet once they stop, you know, fire and everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad way to die though. Too true. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

The fire or the falling?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, falling while on fire, that would be the worst. That is horrible. I've seen pictures of that. Not good. Allison.

[Kevin Nealon]

I would not like to do that either.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't seen you probably in about a year.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's been a while. Has there been an Allison shaped hole in your heart?

[Adam Carolla]

You have never looked better, I will say that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you, Kevin Nealon.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you like go to some like Tony Robbins course or something? You have more confidence and more. You look like you're just glowing.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you. I'm just in life.

[Giovanni]

She got married.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, did you get married?

[Kevin Nealon]

I did get married.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone's title there.

[Kevin Nealon]

I have gone to a Tony Robbins seminar once, though. Was he there a long time ago? He sure was. I went. I was writing a story for the OC Weekly, and I went. And then I left at the break because I felt like I had enough for my story. And I just. I just. He said, come back from the break and be ready to move around. And I'm like, I'm gonna move around on home. But it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's amazing, that guy. Met him a few times and he has that. Is it morphine syndrome? Marfan Morphan. Morphine.

[Kevin Nealon]

Something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Orangutan. But he is big. And his hands, you know, they envelop yours when you shake them. And I'm a big guy. And he was like. Like, you know.

[Kevin Nealon]

Did you find him inspiring?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I did for a summer when I was hiking up and down Runyon Canyon, I would listen to him on the tape every day, you know, going up and down. And I. Excuse me. I found out that I found that his, you know, techniques were pretty good, and I started applying them. I did a little something every day toward my goal. And my goal was hiking and running the canyon. So every day I would hike, and that would be my whole goal right there.

[Kevin Nealon]

So it really worked for you?

[Adam Carolla]

Worked for me. But I've forgotten about it since then, and I. Maybe I need to get in touch again, go back again. My wife got a session out in Palm Springs to go, but then she had to cancel. Didn't get her money back. But she can go to another session sometime down the road.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, what I remember is the whole thing is, like, if you're questioning how much money this costs and if you can afford it, then I think you aren't committed to success. There was a lot of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. You cannot afford to miss this. Not to come to this class. Yeah, that's the. That's the successful way of looking at things, I guess. You know, a successful man or woman.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, let's be honest, man, but it's very.

[Adam Carolla]

He's very successful at what he does. I mean, there's something to that, I think. If you want to make a lot of money in this world, you know, start writing self help books.

[Kevin Nealon]

Books.

[Adam Carolla]

Start running seminars.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I mean, promise people a solution to whatever ails them. I think.

[Brian Bishop]

So.

[Giovanni]

Start a religion.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're so cynical.

[Giovanni]

Yes, I am.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wait, can we go back to something from before that I'm still stuck on? How did you know the guy behind you on the airplane was an astronaut?

[Adam Carolla]

He had the helmet on. He had the whole suit on.

[Allison Rosen]

That is elaborate. Yeah, but effective.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I've met a few astronauts before. You can kind of tell the way they walk with their chest out. I met Buzz Aldrin. You ever meet him?

[Kevin Nealon]

I never have.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this. I got to tell you this story real quick, and then I got to tell you another one. So, okay, so I meet Buzz Aldrin on a beach in Mexico. I was there in some celebrity group thing, and he does a lot of marketing, publicity stuff now, because he was the second man on the moon. Wasn't the first. Neil Armstrong. Doesn't have to. Didn't have to do any publicity, what I'm hearing. But Buzz had to do it to get his name out there there and let everybody know. So he goes to a lot of those types of things, and he's, you know, appears at a lot of places. And I approached him on the beach. I said, buzz, were you ever afraid when you were on the moon that something may not work? Right? And he looked at me and he said, what are you, a wise guy? I mean, he thought I was, like, you know, being a wise guy. I said, no, no, I'm serious. You know, like, maybe when he got back into the lunar module, when you push the button to start it up, you know, did you ever think that maybe what would happen if it didn't work? Because why wouldn't it work? This guy's a rocket scientist, you know? This is why he has no fear. Right? Well, I said, well, it may not work because sometimes my car, you know, which is built to work, sometimes does not start when I turn the key. Maybe it's too cold or whatever. He goes, no, no, it started. You know, there was one time we got into the. Into the module, and I saw a little fuse was sticking out a little bit. And we called Houston, and they just said, push it back in. I said, okay, I got you. All right. That's what I thought, you know. Hey, we got a phone call from my buddy. Dana Carvey is on the line right now.

[Allison Rosen]

Huge Dana Carvey fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Dana is probably one of the. Arguably one of the funniest guys I know. A lot of people ask me, they say, when you get in a room with somebody who makes you laugh more than anybody, and it's Dana Carvey, because he just has so many characters he Does. He's got so many stories, and I'm not putting a lot of pressure on him right now, but.

[Allison Rosen]

So deliver.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Dana, you gotta press number two there, buddy.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Squeak.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Squeaking it out over here.

[John Slattery]

It never ends. It's unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

It never ends. Dana just got back. He. This guy's connected. Dana was spending time. Can I tell them where you were just recently, Dana?

[John Slattery]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Dana was with number 43.

[John Slattery]

No. Yep. Number 41, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Number 41, bush the elder. That's right. I knew it was in the four.

[Brian Bishop]

Elder.

[John Slattery]

I like that. It's like some kind of Lord of the Rings thing. Well, not stand. I just make him laugh. I gotta do the voice right. It's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like his little. You're like his little puppet.

[John Slattery]

You know what? He never was offended at all. He just starts doing it. He smiles, he puts the fingers out. Got that? I mean, he just. I said it was a total exaggeration. And then another guy was. There he goes. What's there? Between senior and W. And barbers to my left, pushed the elders to my right. So I started going, well, seniors, down here in the throat. W is kind of cut up here like this, you know? And then Barbara said, I think he kind of put that on a little bit.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And how do they feel about Jeb possibly running for president?

[John Slattery]

Jeb's on deck. Ready? Fire.

[Kevin Nealon]

Fire.

[John Slattery]

Three. Now they. No one really knows what's gonna happen yet, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The funniest thing that Dana did recently that made me laugh was your conversation between the elder and the younger about the tool shed. You know, they just have, like, normal conversations, like we all do, father and son. Yeah.

[John Slattery]

Because I think that when it comes to fixing things and sort of the bureaucracy of life, you know, you have these conversations with your wife, and it just digresses into nothing. So I had a thing about W calling Senior, and he was at the ranch and trying to figure out the tub. There was a leak. So. Daddy. Daddy, we got a leak in the tub at the ranch. Well, you gotta check it out. Might have to cock it. Might have to feel that face. And. Yeah, Daddy, we already did that. We still had some leakage. I called the dad, and he hadn't called me back yet. I emailed his partner, and they're gonna come out and check. Well, you gotta stay on it. Yeah, we got a. We tried the first ratchet tool to take the screen out. Daddy, but it didn't really work. And then we emailed the guy who makes the tool. That'll fit. And then I called him twice. Well, keep on it, son. And this is like a 10 minute thing.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll just.

[John Slattery]

There is something about life, isn't it? Like that? I mean, I go back and forth. My wife, you call them email. I just call it Scopity scoop, you know. Got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, you know, you think about the president and you think, you know, these guys are just. They're normal human beings. You know, they're sitting around the house probably, you know, just like us. They can't find their keys or, you know, they can't understand where that stain came from in their underwear, you know?

[John Slattery]

Well, to me, it's just. By the middle of the century, there won't be anyone running for president. President that doesn't have a sex tape. I mean, because everything's recorded. And, you know, if you go back in time and they're so hallowed because we didn't hear them or really see them. But if there was grainy black and white video of Abraham Lincoln furiously masturbating, would he still have a memorial? Like, people like, yeah, that's Lincoln. Oh, yeah, you can tell. Yeah, that's Lincoln. We still love him. He freed the slaves. But look at him.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm.

[John Slattery]

I don't know. Let's just get him a plaque. I don't think he deserves a giant statue. I mean, this is disgusting. I mean, Adam, Carl, do you think.

[Adam Carolla]

Barack Obama was ever sitting on the toilet yelling out to Michelle, Michelle, we, we need some toilet paper in here.

[John Slattery]

We, we. We must make a decision about what we're going to do in terms of wiping. We need some Charmin or whatever we can do. Why? That's not true. That is not true. We're gonna decide to make a decision about the decisions that we have to decide.

[Brian Bishop]

So everyone do them now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He's become the Christopher Walken of presidents.

[John Slattery]

Dana, the big one now is Matthew. Right, Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[John Slattery]

Keep on living.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, can you. Can you do. Here's what I was thinking the other day. I think I should start doing some impressions, but just do really obscure ones that other people don't do. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Can't call you on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like no other comic before, he's going to be doing it. Like, you know, maybe Steve Harvey, you know, white guy doing Steve Harvey. And I thought maybe. I'm sure people are doing him now, but Seth Rogen, I got his laugh down. You want to hear his laugh? Yeah.

[John Slattery]

Well, I don't want to do another masturbation joke, but you Know, we're both big Downton Abbey fans, but, you know, I'll do it. And, you know, like, maybe three people in the audience, you think it's like this big show, Downton Abbey. But Carson, you know, and I do the old lady. What on earth is wrong with masturbate? Well, my lady masturbates, disappears for long periods of time in this room. The most unusual sounds are emitted.

[Adam Carolla]

My lady.

[John Slattery]

Unusual sounds. What kind of sounds are those about? Well, my lady, I don't really know. But we'll get to the bottom of it.

[Brian Bishop]

My lady.

[John Slattery]

So I've done that. It's like six people love it. And then I knew Sheriff Rick and the old man who died on Walking Dead. Herschel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Slattery]

Because Sheriff Rick is always out of breath, even if they're just standing on a bridge for an hour. No one else is out of breath. And he's like, okay, we're not going that way. We're going that way. The old man was like, listen to yourself, Rick. It's like Bill Clinton kind of, you're out of bre. Your cardio's down. What do you talk about, old man? No one else is out of breath here. But I had three people go, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was watching that down. You know, I watched Downton Abby, and what's the lord named? The lord of the manor, whatever that actor's name is. So you know. You know who he is, right? Yeah, yeah. So now I'm watching that. That Notting Hill. Notting Hill, yeah. You saw.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I couldn't believe that was him.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like 25 or something. He's like. He's like the screwball brother in law or something. You know, at the dinner table, I thought, what? This guy doesn't know he's about to get a manor?

[Kevin Nealon]

I know. He's so much less refined.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Slattery]

Well, do you guys watch Game of Thrones?

[Adam Carolla]

That's another one I watch. I watch the first season about every month just to remind me what's going on.

[John Slattery]

Well, there. You can't ever figure it out, but there's this very attractive blonde woman who has Drake.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Slattery]

She has a sidekick. And this actor has such a cool voice. Actually guested on Downton Abbey. I mean, one of the great voices and her name is Khaleesi, but every episode he's like, khaleesi, you must be careful, Khaleesi. I know my name. You don't have to keep. I actually complained to the producers. I don't say Khaleesi in this episode. My favorite word, Khaleesi. The dragons can only do so much. But wouldn't you love to be in a show like that, Kevin?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've only seen the first episode of the current season, but I got a feeling those dragons. Dragons are going to turn on Khaleesi. But don't tell me.

[John Slattery]

Oh, you mean Khaleesi.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Khaleesi.

[John Slattery]

Well, I love Peter Dinklage, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, he's great.

[John Slattery]

He's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

I try to picture him as like a six foot tall man when I'm watching him.

[John Slattery]

Well, yeah, I mean, Mickey, I won't even go there.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but seriously, I mean, I bet. I mean, he's a good looking guy now.

[Kevin Nealon]

And everyone else 9 foot tall or do they stay the same?

[Adam Carolla]

You're right, Allison. Everybody should get three feet.

[John Slattery]

I think it's just such a cool thing that the smartest badass is.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know, I looked at a house once that was owned by a couple of little people, and they keep all their items on the bottom cupboards in the kitchen, like where we keep the plates up on the top. They keep them down in the bottom. And then on another part of the kitchen a little, they had a little scaffolding that they walk along, like to reach the sink and stuff.

[John Slattery]

Wow. Wow. Yeah, it's good stuff, you know, it's just, you know. But I bet nobody gets all aces. Maybe George Clooney, but everyone else has something they have to deal with.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, even he probably has his problems.

[John Slattery]

He's locking in. They always say. What did they say? He met his match. That's just kind of funny to me. Hey, were you some kind of jousting episode or something?

[Adam Carolla]

Did you play basketball? Did you play basketball with us when we were on Saturday Night Live with George? Because we went down to, I think the YMCA around there, 92nd street, and he was playing. You know, we usually play with a host if they play basketball. And anyway, I play with him and he's really good, but he's efficient. He doesn't like, exert a lot of energy. He's one of those kind of basketball players that is just smart. He knows where to pass the ball, he's got a good set shot. So he's not really working up a sweat court vision. I like that. Good name for a TV show.

[John Slattery]

Speaking of Peter Dinklage, I played basketball in high school and I'm not kidding, it was based on height and weight. I was 5ft tall, 90 pounds when I was a freshman. I looked like a fetus with shoes. And I was the point guard and our man in the paint. I'm not kidding. He was five, three. That was the guy controlling the basket.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Was that a Carmont High School, Dana?

[John Slattery]

Yes. Carmont High se. Iorf seniors.

[Allison Rosen]

I grew up in the next city over, and it was always a big thing. This was the early 90s. So Dana Carvey was. Was the superstar of superstars. He's from the Nooks town over. And I was a huge SNL fan back in the day. So you guys are. Having you both here in the studio, technically on the same phone line is very awesome for a young, balding Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Slattery]

Well, I'll tell you what. There's ways we can figure that part out.

[Allison Rosen]

But anyway, way past that, Dana. Way past.

[Adam Carolla]

Dana. I think you have. Don't you have, like, a statue at your high school or something?

[Allison Rosen]

Portrait.

[John Slattery]

Well, 600 people. You know, this is the baby boomer. So 600 people in my senior class. All I do is run track across the country. I never went to a dance, never talked to a girl, never took theater, nothing. And then 20 years later, they put a picture of me, a giant in the. In the gym. And they wanted me to go to my 20th, you know, reunion. And that was right at my peak fame. You know, I was right off SNL and Wayne's World. So I thought, you know, I didn't. I didn't end up going, but they had a look alike dressed as Garth, come down at the end of the gym during the party and go, there he is. But I thought of being power mad going, I will come to the reunion if you rename the high school Dana Carvey High. And then I would rent a helicopter for all the women that hated me and come off in boots and a cape with, like, Secret Service guys around me. I just thought, But I didn't do it. I should stay home and cried myself to sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice work. Well, thanks for calling in, buddy. We're gonna break away here. We got a little segment we got to do here. But. But always good hearing your voice. Yeah.

[John Slattery]

Shout out to John Slattery. Brilliant actor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's coming on soon.

[John Slattery]

He's incredible. That whole show is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, all right, buddy, see you later.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, Bye.

[Adam Carolla]

Bye. And that was Dana Carvey, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, let's play Rotten Tomatoes Mole. Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Here'S the guy with the fresh a Rotten movie game. Now it's time. I really hope it isn't lame. Please, let's go. I totally can't hit this note. I can't force it all anymore, Anymore it hurts my balls Hurts my balls at your D He names the flicks and the gang makes Glitch mad at you D He's a schwabigant and when he drops by, the king has to.

[Allison Rosen]

Guess, do the critics scores make it rotten or fresh?

[Kevin Nealon]

It's like that song's getting longer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man, that was like a real long. I could have gone to the bathroom then had I known.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kevin Nealon, do you know how to play the game?

[Adam Carolla]

Fill me in again real fast.

[Giovanni]

All right, so I'm going to go through a list of movies and for every movie, the object is to guess what the critics thought, what the aggregated critics score is. So the tomatometer is a measure of the percentage of positive reviews for any particular film. So it's not how well did the critics like it, it's how many critics thought it was worth seeing. Okay, and then we'll round up all the scores at the end of it, put them all together, and whoever has the lowest score across the board, golf type rules, wins the game.

[Adam Carolla]

0 to 100%.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

And we each, after he says the movie, we each write down what we think and then we go around and say the percentage. Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

All right, so because Mother's Day is this weekend, I picked movies themed towards moms. First one, 1987, one of Danny DeVito's movies that he has directed, also stars Billy Crystal, Throw Mama from the Train with the great Anne Rose Ramsey.

[Allison Rosen]

Ann Ramsey nominated for an Oscar for this movie.

[Giovanni]

She's hilarious in this.

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, I better change my score.

[Allison Rosen]

Or should you?

[Giovanni]

Or should you?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right, I'm ready.

[Giovanni]

All right. Everybody write their score down.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the scores are written down, I guess 60%. This is a dark comedy that I think kind of threw some people off.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna throw out 50% because a lot of people don't like trains.

[Allison Rosen]

Solid, solid reasoning.

[Adam Carolla]

Solid 50%.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I went with 79 because I always guess too high.

[Giovanni]

And yet again, you've guessed too high. 61%.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yet again, it was just 20% off.

[Giovanni]

Like almost exactly 20% off.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I'm getting the hang of this game now.

[Giovanni]

All right, all right, next one, a more serious one from a couple years back. This was an Oscar nominee. Stars Annette Bening and Julianne Moore. The kids are all right. They play a lesbian couple. Their kids call them moms.

[Allison Rosen]

Why was Annette Bening nominated for an Oscar and Julianne Moore wasn't?

[Adam Carolla]

Or, or she was nominated for.

[Allison Rosen]

One was like lead actress and one was Supporting or something like that. When Julianne Moore had the more challenging.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember the title again. Please.

[Giovanni]

The Kids are all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I barely remember that one, so I'm gonna have to.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you see it?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. That's why I barely remember it. Allison, you see this movie?

[Kevin Nealon]

Movie? I did not.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Kevin Nealon]

I know. I wanted to, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, write down your score, then I'll tell you.

[Kevin Nealon]

I did. I already wrote down.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a very good movie. I said 88%.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna have to go with 50%. Do you see the. You see the trend here? I'm playing it second across the board.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I went with 70 yet again.

[Giovanni]

20. 93%.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

93%.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a really good movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm gonna have to complain about that to somebody. Is it too late to complain about Rotten Tomatoes?

[Giovanni]

No, it's never too late. There's a whole cottage industry about people complaining about Rotten Tomato. Believe me.

[Allison Rosen]

Which is funny. How can you complain about your literally just reporting what other critics say?

[Giovanni]

I know.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the most hilarious.

[Giovanni]

I know. Okay, next up, one of the most infamous movie mothers of all time. Alfred Hitchcock. 1960. Psycho.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So they took the critics from back then and they incorporated into modern day Rotten Tomatoes scores. Okay. Psycho. I have a little piece of trivia about Psycho.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's hear it.

[Adam Carolla]

Our next guest's father in law was in Psycho.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that true?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why would he share false trivia?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know. I suppose that was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Martin Balsam has that great scene where he slides. Where he's. Where he's falling down the stairs. Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that actor.

[Kevin Nealon]

Our next guest plays a man who is the actress who plays his ex wife on the show. Is his real wife in real life. Hence their amazing chemistry. Or their amazing chemistry could just because they're good be because they're good actors.

[Adam Carolla]

And her father was in Psycho.

[Kevin Nealon]

I heard that. Bob Bryan said it wasn't true, but I heard that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, what do we got?

[Allison Rosen]

Psycho. I say this is. This is even universally loved at the time. 97.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna go 50%.

[Giovanni]

You think half the critics didn't like Psycho?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And time may have not been kind to me.

[Kevin Nealon]

I went with 90.

[Giovanni]

96%. You were right on the nose.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. Yeah. When it's It's a Wonderful Life came out, nobody liked it. Right?

[Giovanni]

Correct.

[Brian Bishop]

That was.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. That was not. That was kind of sappy and not looked at quite so well.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's go. What's the next One.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of sappy, doesn't get much more sappy than this. Debra Winger. Shirley MacLaine. Mother, daughter. Terms of endearment, 1983.

[Allison Rosen]

Never saw terms of Endearment. Have almost. No. Although I'm going to guess Kevin's gonna go somewhere down the middle.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, my score is written down and I'm ready to reveal it as soon as. Paul, Brian.

[Giovanni]

Are you. Are you writing a new 50 every time?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it really is. I want to have proof.

[Allison Rosen]

I have no idea. I guessed 80.

[Adam Carolla]

98% for me. Stepping out of the 50.

[Kevin Nealon]

I went with 55.

[Giovanni]

Oh, 88%.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

55.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you doing? Do you see the way I hold my cards? I'm a slow player. I'm a slow player. All right, what's the last one?

[Giovanni]

The last one? Last 1 is 1981 classic camp movie starring Faye Dunaway as the late and unlamented by many Joan Crawford, Mommie dearest.

[Allison Rosen]

This is 81.

[Giovanni]

1981.

[Adam Carolla]

If I remember, this is well liked by a lot of people. As I wink to Matt. Paul, Brian. I'm guessing you wrote down. I wrote, you're always high.

[Allison Rosen]

All I remember is that I think the no wire hangers thing has lasted longer than the movie was actually good. But I guess 75, and I think I'm high.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going with 40%.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I guess 65 because I don't think people really liked it. But I was wrong with terms of inheritance.

[Giovanni]

You won one. It's 55.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, good.

[Adam Carolla]

Where was my 50?

[Allison Rosen]

20.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh. Interesting. Well, there you have it.

[Giovanni]

That's it. All right, so we'll see what the final scores are.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there we go. Your winner is. Bald. Brian, 34. Allison, 90. Kevin, 125.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Paul Brian, with very low score of 34. You watch a lot of movies?

[Allison Rosen]

I do. And spend a lot of time on Rotten Tomatoes? Not studying, but just like, browsing and. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're the go to guy cheating.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's take a break.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's take a. Let's take an outro song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, Kevin?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah?

[Allison Rosen]

If it's okay with you, can I make an announcement?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'd love to.

[Allison Rosen]

It won't take very long. I just got word that my book made the New York Times bestseller last year.

[Kevin Nealon]

Congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so excited. Tell me more. I'm shocked. What's it called?

[Allison Rosen]

It's called Shrinkage. It came out last week. I knew there was an outside chance that it could be.

[Adam Carolla]

It's about laundry.

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, no. Well, There is laundry in it.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's about my first year after being diagnosed with cancer. And it's a recovery memoir. Obviously I'm recovered, but there was an outside chance it could make the list, and it made the. The ebook list.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm totally.

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone who bought it.

[Adam Carolla]

Congratulations. That's awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

It has not sunk in at all. I just got the information, but I.

[Adam Carolla]

Am totally shocked that you survived that thing. I thought, you know, no way.

[Allison Rosen]

I was given six months to a year. And then really, Then my first doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

Told me, yeah, see, you can't believe doctors.

[Allison Rosen]

No, you really can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Rotten Tomatoes.

[Allison Rosen]

He was the bad critic of Rotten Tomatoes. But thank you to everyone who bought it. I am overwhelmed.

[Adam Carolla]

It's on the bestseller list.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's number New York Times.

[Allison Rosen]

New York Times best seller list.

[Adam Carolla]

When should I give up on my book? It's been out for five, six years.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the point of my book. Never give up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So it still could get on the bestseller list.

[Allison Rosen]

It made the ebook best seller list. Thanks to everyone who bought the Kindle and the Nook. And it hasn't. Suck in.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it audible.com? can we get it Audiobook?

[Allison Rosen]

There's an audiobook version? Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you read it?

[Allison Rosen]

I hear mixed things, so I'm kind of hesitant.

[Adam Carolla]

But, I mean, did you read the book from the audio?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I read the book. It would be weird if Kevin Nealon was reading it and said, and then I got cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

I did read it. Well, good. Congratulations.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you. I'm overwhelmed. Thanks for. Thanks for that.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Very good. And then what's the next one going to be?

[Brian Bishop]

Stretchage.

[Allison Rosen]

Shrinkage two. The Shrinkenings. I don't know if there's number two in me.

[Giovanni]

Return of Shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Shrinkage now.

[Allison Rosen]

They may have to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. All right. What are we gonna do now? We're gonna.

[Kevin Nealon]

We're gonna take a break.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna take a little break. All right. Let's go. Take a break. Go to Rotten Tomatoes for more Matt Achity to follow him on Twitter.

[Giovanni]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you could follow me on Twitter or on Amber Alert, those two things right there. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, we're back and we have a new visitor. We're here with John Slattery from, of course, Mad Men. And many, many, many movies.

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh, many.

[Adam Carolla]

And TV And Broadway.

[Dave Damaschek]

A few of those.

[Adam Carolla]

Emmy nominated and Emmy winner. No, SAG winner. Best ensemble in the drama. Yeah, but Mad Men, first drama show on a cable network to Be nominated for an Emmy, Am I correct?

[Dave Damaschek]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you are here with us now and we are so lucky. And a lot of jealous listeners, I'm sure, wishing they were here.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, they should see this place. They would be really jealous.

[Adam Carolla]

John, you are so busy, man. I ran into you. Didn't we do something together? We did like the Golden Goggle Awards or something.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Presenters, I think, or I was co hosting. You came in to present.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's right. You were funny.

[Adam Carolla]

That was good. This room is full of Olympic swimmers and they're getting their golden goggles. That's their equivalent to, I don't know, an Oscar. And the room smells like chlorine.

[Dave Damaschek]

There are amazing looking people, especially the women. They're like, I thought I was at like the porn awards. I was going up the escalator behind one of those women and I was like, the muscles on there, they look like, you know, hams. It was unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And you find porn stars have similar muscles?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Dave Damaschek]

They just didn't look real. They were like these, I don't know. Steroids? I don't know. I don't know what that looks like. I've never seen someone that looked like that up close.

[Adam Carolla]

They are pretty amazing. I mean, if you swam as much as they did, you would have hams too. Legs. Yeah, ham legs.

[Dave Damaschek]

That doesn't sound like a good swimmer.

[Adam Carolla]

No. So we were just talking before we came on air. Alison reminded us this is good on air stuff. We're talking that you are now out here shooting the last seven episodes of Mad Men of the final season.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right. They broke it up the last season into seven and seven. We shot the first seven and those are the ones airing right now. And then.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do they do that, by the way? Why do they break it up? Is it for advertisers?

[Dave Damaschek]

I think so. I mean, I think they make more money at it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

[Dave Damaschek]

The last seven becomes, you know, an extra special event. They jack up the ad rates, I guess. I mean, I'm assuming so.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that going to be sad for you when that's over? I am, but you're doing a lot of other things. What? We'll get to in a minute.

[Brian Bishop]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, it is. You get used to filming. I was on Weeds for eight years and when it stopped, I wasn't that sad. But then the next spring rolled around and we weren't doing it. I thought, oh, that's what I was wondering.

[Dave Damaschek]

Will it be you know when you expect to go back to work and all of a sudden you realize you don't. That job's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

But unlike me, you'll be doing other things, you'll be staying busy. Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Because you're so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then you go back to New York after all this is said and done.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right? Right. I rent a little place here and you know, shoot and go back and forth. I have a 14 year old, so.

[Adam Carolla]

I go back to the 14. Oh, nice. And you have a little place on the pier, Right? The Santa Monica Pier down at Lobster Shack.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right at the end. The little place at the end.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

I smoke my pipe.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good real estate.

[Dave Damaschek]

Drop a line in. Yeah, it's good. It is beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

So you have a 14 year old. I have a 7 year old.

[Dave Damaschek]

You do?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You have a boy or a girl?

[Dave Damaschek]

Boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Me too. Boy. It's. It's amazing, isn't it?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, it's good.

[Adam Carolla]

And you are married. First marriage.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And your wife also plays your wife.

[Dave Damaschek]

On now my ex. She plays my ex wife wife on Mad Men. On Mad Men, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. And some. A little other trivia that I know about you. You are also a director now.

[Dave Damaschek]

Because it's a fun fact.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you why this is trivia, okay? Because those of you who do not watch Mad Men and don't know that he directs several Mad Men, five actually episodes that you've gone on to do film as well.

[Dave Damaschek]

I have. I made a film. It comes out Friday, as a matter of fact.

[Adam Carolla]

I was curious about that because I watched it today and I'm thinking when this comes out, there's gonna be some waves. I love this kind of movie. It's kind of dark. It's called God's Pocket.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right. It's based on Pete Dexter book, a novel, which of the same name. Yeah, it's. It's not. It's not exactly a feel good movie.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Dave Damaschek]

But it's funny though. Did you think it was funny?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of good funny stuff in there.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's good because I think you're a very funny person.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. But I love dark. I love dark humor. I love Fargo. You know, I loved. Did you see After. Was it After Midnight with Rosanna Arquette?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, After Hours.

[Allison Rosen]

After Hours.

[Adam Carolla]

After Hours. Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

That was great.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that kind of stuff.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. I mean, it's. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a guy who's has a stepson who gets killed early in the movie and he's trying to get the kid buried, you know, properly do the right thing for his wife. His marriage isn't so. Isn't so great. And he just can't seem to get it to happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is Phillips last one of his last movies he did. Right.

[Dave Damaschek]

It was.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you friends with him before the movie?

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, friendly acquaintances. We lived near each other. We would see each other around. We weren't, you know, text buddies or anything like that, but, you know, see him at plays. He. I worked with him once. I did a movie called Charlie Wilson, Charlie Wilson's World, which I had a couple scenes, one of them, which is very funny, where he smashes my window and, you know, to just tease.

[Allison Rosen]

Did he win the Oscar for that or was he nominated?

[Dave Damaschek]

He was nominated.

[Allison Rosen]

He was fantastic.

[Dave Damaschek]

I don't think he won.

[Allison Rosen]

He was so great in that movie.

[Dave Damaschek]

He was so great.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think that he was during the filming of this, God's Pocket, do you think he was using at the time or.

[Dave Damaschek]

No, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

He's not fine.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, he had. It was public knowledge that he had, you know, rehab. Gone to rehab. And then, you know, then we. It was prior to us starting work and he, you know, I knew that. Everybody knew that. And then. And then he showed up at work and then we shot for a month and. Or six weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there was Sundance.

[Dave Damaschek]

Sundance.

[Adam Carolla]

He was great. Final Sundance.

[Dave Damaschek]

Tons of on camera interviews, print and stuff. And he loved the movie and he was a producer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I was wondering if he saw the movie.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, he said. Yeah, he was. He came to several rough cuts and had notes and really specific notes, like remembered takes that we didn't think to put in. And, you know, he was really smart about that.

[Adam Carolla]

He's really good in it. Everybody's good in it. Everybody is just. It's just the. The pits of the pits in life. I mean, God's Pocket, it's. It's a term. It's a term for some place in Detroit. Is it? It's Philly in Philadelphia. It reminds me of where I grew up. I grew up in Bridgeport. It's just.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Connecticut. And it's just. Oh, man. It is the only place where you can die twice.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's right. It was called the Devil's Pocket, the actual neighborhood, because the people were so rotten that they could take money out of the Devil's Pocket was the idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah. We shot it in Yonkers, New York, which is a pretty exceptional looking place. It's got, you know, wires and it Just looks like. It looks like 1958, you know, the place itself.

[Adam Carolla]

But the only time you really saw that those kind of buildings is when he was chasing the truck.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Other than that, it was kind of close up stuff of a lot of things. And.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, you know, there's a little distance here and there. You know, you would. This place was pretty. It's difficult to find neighborhoods that look like that without finding it, you know, with a chase bank plop down in the middle of it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know.

[Dave Damaschek]

It was tricky. But when we found that neighborhood, all that stuff is around there. There's a funeral parlors and meat processing plant and auto body and all that stuff is all right in that little like 1 mile square spot.

[Kevin Nealon]

So many great characters in that kind of bleak environment begin to affect you or are you very removed?

[Dave Damaschek]

No, I mean, it's, you know, it's a pretty intense period anyway. 24 days and you're, you're just, you know, you're in kind of battle mode, you know, so it doesn't really bother you. It's what you need to tell the story. So that's where it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

And visually, it works great. I mean, I think Lance Accord is the cinematographer who shot Being John Malkovich adaptation Lost in Translation.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, he's just a really, really brilliant guy and. And you know, he shot the hell out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

It was great. The lighting, everything was just fantastic. And Christina Hendricks was great in it.

[Dave Damaschek]

Really good, really great.

[Adam Carolla]

Man, she was like a. She was like a Monet painting in the middle of a, you know, a battlefield.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's why, you know, I cast her because I think, well, she's a terrific actress and. But imagine a woman that looks like that in that neighborhood and what that must be like, just going, going to the store every day.

[Adam Carolla]

But she had color to her. You know, everybody else is almost black and white.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

She came on the screen, it was.

[Dave Damaschek]

Like, you know, the lips, a pink dress, the whole. Despite the fact that her kid is dead, she's walking around in a pink, like terry cloth stretchy dress.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really good. And then. So when you, when you. Did you audition for Mad Men? Because I had auditioned for. We. No matter what you do in this business, you still have to audition. You know, you're in there with other actors that, you know, you recognize and you go, oh, I'm not gonna get this. You know.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah. I don't know who else auditioned for, you know what? I auditioned for the part of Don Draper because there was no There were only a couple scenes for Roger Sterling, you know, so they said they want to see you for Don Draper. And I was. I literally had to call my agent back and said, really? I mean, you sure? Because, you know, I was, like, getting offered the. You know, or sent.

[Adam Carolla]

Wouldn't John be better than this? Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

And. And then I read. I went and read. I did my homework.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Dave Damaschek]

Because I was like, well, this is a great. This is a great part. And. And. And I did the whole. I went and did the audition, and it was very focused, and it was the director, Alan Taylor and Matt Weiner, and they were there, and I did the thing, and then they gave me notes. I did it again.

[Kevin Nealon]

Was it a scene that we ultimately saw?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, it was a scene like that he was trying to figure out in the first. In the podcast. He was with his girlfriend trying to figure out. And he was, you know, he was stumped, and he was despairing because he couldn't figure it out. And I did the whole thing. And they go, okay, so here's the deal. We already have that guy. And I was, well, what? And they said, well, yeah, well, we didn't think you'd come in for the other parts because it's. There's only a couple scenes, so. And then Matt claims, I was in a bad mood the whole shooting of the pilot because I was pissed off about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Were you? Maybe. Maybe a little.

[Dave Damaschek]

But I think I was really more just skeptical, you know, because it was. Then it was down to, like, a promise. You know how many times people have said to you, like, I promise, this will be great. This will be a great part, and it turns out, not so great.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when they give you notes, do you. Do you think that's good, or do you think it's bad? I never know. I never know if they like me and they want to work with me.

[Dave Damaschek]

No, it's good. It's always good. I mean, I think that's. Having now directed a handful of those. I think the reason they give you notes is because they want to see if you can do anything different. Even if you don't do exactly what they say if you can do.

[Adam Carolla]

Do.

[Dave Damaschek]

If you can make a little stride toward doing it differently, then they go, okay, on the day. He's not just going to do the same thing over and over. That's. To me, that's the reason for giving notes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, man, it's really brave of you to direct on a show that you're working on, because I know On Weeds. I thought about it, but then I thought I'd be too intimidated with some of these actors. They're so good. I don't want to be telling them what to do.

[Dave Damaschek]

I don't think. You really don't have to tell. Tell them that much. I mean, I don't know what that set was like. I don't know. Was that a fun place to. Was that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, that was fine. Some days better than others, you know.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So do you go in for a lot of parts, like for older guys? Because your hair has been great for how long?

[Dave Damaschek]

Since I was like.

[Adam Carolla]

But you have a young. It's young face. Did you ever color it?

[Dave Damaschek]

All the time. It looked ridiculous. You know, it never really made me look that. That. I mean, I guess it made me look younger, but you look like an idiot.

[Adam Carolla]

You have the Steve Martin syndrome.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, I. We should all have the Steve Martin syndrome, right? It all happens like that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Just so we can picture it. What color did you go?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, brown. You know, I mean, just. It was kind of like a John.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hambro or a Pete Campbell brown.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, sometimes it'd be a John. John Ham Brown, and then sometimes it would be like a Count Chocula brown, you know, and it would look really stupid. And then I just stopped, you know, if I did it now, it would look so bad. It would. You know, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, people are used to this now.

[Dave Damaschek]

I mean, I would wear a wig sooner than do that. I would. I'd never done that. That would be funny. Like John Malkovich, you know, strap on a wig or Harrelson or helmet or a hair. Like one of those visors with hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

How did you get into directing? What interested you about it?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Dave Damaschek]

I just had an opinion.

[Adam Carolla]

He likes to tell people what to do.

[Dave Damaschek]

I do. I like to tell people what to do.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm getting a bossy vibe.

[Dave Damaschek]

Vibe, yeah, definitely. Move over there.

[Adam Carolla]

I would think. I would think that directing a movie like God's Pocket would be a lot more interesting than doing like a, you know, a one hour show.

[Dave Damaschek]

I think so too. I mean, I. I mean mad.

[Adam Carolla]

You can put your own stamp on it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, Mad Men's fun to direct, but it's Matt Weiner's show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, and it's. I mean, they want that look, that look. He wrote it.

[Adam Carolla]

They want that 50s look, don't they?

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, the 60s, really.

[Brian Bishop]

60S, yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, they want you to do it their way. He wants it. He wants it the way he wants. It. And so you're kind of, you know, they give you the script, they tell you how to it do do it, you do it, you cut it, and then they take it back and then they re cut it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

Which, I mean, like television writing. I don't know. Did you. You written on television. Right. You know, you just kind of have to let it go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dave Damaschek]

It's the. Now it's. Someone else has it, someone else owns it. With this. I wanted to. Yeah. Make the decisions and see if I could tell the story myself.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like marriage. You get married, you let it go.

[Kevin Nealon]

Can you tell? My husband can't control it.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right. That's a Matt Weiner line. It's like business, like a marriage, you get into it for the wrong reasons and events, eventually they punch in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, that's awesome, man. So, hey, when does God's Pocket come out? It comes out this Friday.

[Dave Damaschek]

It comes out Friday in New York and la. New York and la. And then the next week it comes out kind of all over the place. And the next week, you know, it's like, it's a small theatrical release. It's like 75 theaters and, you know, all over the. You know, from like Seattle to Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

All over the place. Yeah. Yeah. So you're doing that whole press tour now.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So much work goes into a film, you know, the writing of it, you know, writing is a big accomplishment. And then getting it sold is big. And then getting a distributor is big. And then, you know, having it get.

[Dave Damaschek]

Into shooting it and cutting it. I mean, like editing for three months, I didn't have any idea what that was going to be like, you know, and you, you edit a show for a TV show for four days, and then you're sitting in a room 10 hours, 12 hours a day, and you're like, wait, how long? How long are we going to do this? This is, you know, it's amazing. You just chip away at what is.

[Adam Carolla]

The hardest part is getting it down under a certain amount of time or not having shots that you wish you had.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, I guess. I mean.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, trying to make it work and trying to recognize that if a scene doesn't. Doesn't move the story forward, then it has to go. And eventually, if you have a smart editor, which I did, he would. He kind of lets you arrive at that conclusion yourself. You know, like, rather than say one day, he said, well, that might be a scene we might cut. And I'm like, what? Cut? You can't work without that scene. You know, sure enough, you're like, alright, get rid of that scene.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're like that guy between the director of photography and the editor, basically, and those guys, all three of you guys are really important in a film.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, I mean, I can't say enough about this director of photography, Lance. He's just a great guy. He's a great. He's got great energy, he's not afraid of trying anything and he's a really good storyteller. He directs a lot himself. So. Yeah. And then, you know, the tricky part with the movie was that the money is short, the schedule's short. There's 40 people in it and 28 locations. And if you don't get it, like, you don't. And it's set in 1978, so you're on the street. And as much as it looks like a period thing, you know, a minivan is going to come through any minute and you know, if you don't get it, you're not going to get. And then John Turturro and Richard Jenkins and Phil and Christina, they're all leaving in about two days. So you, you know, unlike the TV show, everything's there, all the actors there for six months. The sets are there. If you screw it up, chances are you can go back and get it this thing. You, you know, you're not going to get another chance. And you see the thing ticking away and going, oh my God, I'm way behind.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw one shot where you had the guy in the back of the truck that, you know, squeezed the eyeball.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it just happened to be a shot where there was a plane just coming out of there.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah. Right over his shoulder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It was like perfect.

[Dave Damaschek]

And it looks great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it looked great. I was thinking of you. You're on the. Okay, bring the plane in.

[Dave Damaschek]

Cue the plane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, cue the plane.

[Dave Damaschek]

That happened all the time. The qu. There's a scene with Christina and Richard Jenkins in a field. You know, they have like a little picnic. That was the most difficult thing. Sound wise? Because it's right on the river. There's a train track, boats, bugs, you know, planes. And so like every time we turned the camera on, there were like 50 things got in the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Jenkins is amazing.

[Dave Damaschek]

He's great.

[Adam Carolla]

He is such, such a good actor.

[Allison Rosen]

Underrated too.

[Dave Damaschek]

A horny alcoholics. Exactly. Horny alcoholic reporter who's just in love.

[Adam Carolla]

With himself, loves the city, loves himself and is not really too timid or shy about approaching a woman.

[Dave Damaschek]

No, no. I mean a woman half his age and you know, and. Yeah, he thinks of himself. He thinks of himself in an entirely different way than other people do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, we were talking about you a bit. Little bit before you came in. Talia is your wife in real life.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And her father, Martin Balsam.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who we all know from Psycho.

[Dave Damaschek]

Right. Twelve Angry Men. Breakfast. Tiffany. Little, big man. He was like, he's in.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, anybody would know him. They saw him.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the jury foreman. Yeah. Of. In fact, we. This. We. We were. We just had a son. And Martin. Marty had died prior to that, so he never met my son. Our son Harry. Then we were just home from the hospital, and Talia's asleep. Baby's like this big, you know, and between us. And I flip on the TV and it's Marty on. In 12 Angry Men. And we have this picture in the hallway of Marty and Henry Fonda. Big picture. The two of them standing there, and I'm like. And they're all arguing, which they always are in the movie. And he goes, all right, all right. As the jury form. And he's, all right, let's take a break. So they all go their separate ways. And he goes over the window and throws. Throws open the window because it's summer and they're all stifling. And he goes. And it starts raining. And Henry Fonda walks over to him, and they're standing next to each other, and I'm like, holy shit. That's the picture that's in the hallway. And then he starts talking, goes, look at it rain. Marty says, look at it rain. He goes, man, it reminds me of a game we coached. He goes, I coach high school football. We have this kid, Slattery. And I was like, what?

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dave Damaschek]

I had never. I mean, how many times have you seen. I've seen pieces of that movie. Apparently, I'd never seen that scene. And the. That's the picture in the hallway. And that's what I, I. It was like. It was like he was kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Saying hi into the future.

[Allison Rosen]

You talk about a movie that holds up, too. I mean, a lot of movies from that era don't hold up so well. And that one is completely watchable today.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he ever do any Twilight Zones?

[Dave Damaschek]

Marty did do a Twilight Zone. He did, like, I think, the End of the World one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I thought so.

[Dave Damaschek]

He's the last, I think, if I'm not mistaken.

[Adam Carolla]

It just seems like he's like, I know him from one of those.

[Dave Damaschek]

I think so. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Episodes.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah. He said he did those. Play playhouse 90s. He said they would write the lines on the floor in chalk. Like, the floor was painted black and it was live. So they would literally write their lines on the floor with chalk and just like, figure. You know, look down and you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Got to see this movie. It's just no character in there is. Yeah, I mean, there's even. There's a homeless guy going through a garbage can looking for bottles, and he's got one leg.

[Dave Damaschek]

That's Eddie McGee. He actually flew in from LA. He lives. He's a bouncer at the. At the bar beneath the Santa Monica Pier. Big Dean.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dave Damaschek]

You know, part.

[Adam Carolla]

Part.

[Dave Damaschek]

He's an actor, but that's how he makes money. And he.

[Adam Carolla]

Does he really have one leg?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, it was written that way. And. And he auditioned and flew in from.

[Adam Carolla]

LA to pick bottles out of a.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, a few lines and, you know, long shot, like one of the barfly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, nobody gets away in this movie, even a guy. A guy at the bar. It's his patron at the bar. He's got a neck brace on. Something happened to him in his life, too.

[Dave Damaschek]

He had a car wreck about four years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a great cast. I can't wait to see it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it really is good.

[Allison Rosen]

Love Richard Jenkins, too. Really underrated actor.

[Adam Carolla]

So what are you doing next? Yeah, I mean, this has been. How long ago was this shot? Maybe a year ago.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, June. Last June. We finished it. So we just finished it before we went to Sundance, so, you know, it takes that long. We finished it in the winter, went to Sundance and sold it there. And then.

[Adam Carolla]

How exciting was that when you sell it?

[Dave Damaschek]

It was great. That place is.

[Adam Carolla]

But you knew you had it. I mean, you knew that was. That probably had a lot of buzz to it.

[Dave Damaschek]

Well, it did, but then you never know how it's. You know, it was received well. And then. And then, you know, we got smacked around in a couple of columns and then. And then, you know, everybody's trying to get it for half what you want to sell it for anyway, so it was. The whole thing is a real eye opener. I've never sold a movie, you know, Never made one, never sold one. So that was a trip. That place is a real.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dave Damaschek]

What a scene.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've heard a lot about it. I've never been there. You're gonna direct it? You want to direct another film now?

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a lot of work, though, isn't it? You got to get there early. You got to ask them to leave.

[Dave Damaschek]

You got to get There early. You do? That's my whole thing before they start.

[Adam Carolla]

My whole thing now is everything. Seems like a lot of work to me. You know, I size things up and go.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

It seems like a lot of work.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Want to see a movie? I don't know. It's a lot of work. Then you got to go there. It's true.

[Dave Damaschek]

I just want to go home. Right. I just want to go home. We'll be done in June. The movie will be out. I just fixed up a house in Long Island. I'm gonna go there and.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? You know, close it, fix it up. You meaning nail? Hammer. Nails.

[Dave Damaschek]

No, I had someone else.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Yeah. I was gonna say. Well, another Harrison Ford.

[Allison Rosen]

That's where Adam is right now.

[Kevin Nealon]

He's actually fixing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, Adam's like that.

[Dave Damaschek]

I heard he was filming.

[Allison Rosen]

He was fixing up your house.

[Dave Damaschek]

Oh, fixing up my house. Well, that's good. So he's a handy guy, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's. Yeah, yeah, he says he is. I've never seen him actually swing a hammer.

[Dave Damaschek]

He didn't do any of that.

[Allison Rosen]

We built the studio well, supposedly.

[Adam Carolla]

Supposedly. So who do you get along with the best on Mad Men? Jon Ham. Jon Hamm loves comedy.

[Dave Damaschek]

Ham's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

He's always around the comedy scene. I see him at the clubs a lot.

[Allison Rosen]

He's.

[Dave Damaschek]

He's always been into it. Comedy, that is. They're all great. I mean, Lizzie Moss, Vincent Kartheiser, who plays that great character Pecan, is a great. They're all great. We, you know, I mean, it sounds corny, but we all had a great time.

[Adam Carolla]

I met January Jones about six years, seven years ago, right before it started, or the first season at some Emmy film thing. And she introduced herself as January. I said, that kind of sounds like a stripper. She wasn't amused with it.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, no, she's. I've actually worked with her before. We did Madman. She's great. She's great, too. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody's great on that show.

[Kevin Nealon]

We just had Alan Havey on the show.

[Dave Damaschek]

He said that. I told him I was coming over here, and I said, kevin is guest hosting. And he goes. His smile immediately went away. He goes, I'm supposed to guest host that thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But I've known Alan for a long time. He's stand up. Stand up comic.

[Dave Damaschek]

Yeah, Yeah. I did his talk show in New York. Did you remember? It was Comedy Central.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I never did that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Night after night.

[Dave Damaschek]

What. Is that what it was called?

[Kevin Nealon]

I think that was called Night After Night. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

It was fun. I mean, I did. I was again, like, they want me. So I went and, you know, sat down and shot the breeze with Alan. He's great. He's great on the show. He had his. I shouldn't say that. We did a table read yesterday. He got a big. He got applause. I don't think we've. He got applause. He had the funniest line, and the whole thing burst out. Everybody burst out laughing. Laughing. And kept laughing. And then he got applause.

[Adam Carolla]

What does he play on the show?

[Dave Damaschek]

He plays a guy named Lou Avery, who's. Who's taken over Don Draper's office.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right, right.

[Dave Damaschek]

And, you know, and responsibilities, and he's not.

[Kevin Nealon]

He's a usurper. Small minded.

[Adam Carolla]

He was very.

[Kevin Nealon]

When he came on the show, he was quite defensive of his character, though, because I said, you know, perhaps a disparaging word, which is what all the audience thinks. But, yeah, he was like you people in your little Mad Men world, you know, in thrall of daunting. Lou is a hard worker. He's into this, and he's a this. And I said, yeah, but Don's a genius. According to Roger.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah.

[Dave Damaschek]

He's. Well, I don't know. I. Alan's great. But, you know, when you come in to replace Don Draper, you know, it. It might not go so well.

[Adam Carolla]

We have John Slattery with us right now. The movie is amazing. God's Pocket. It'll be out this Friday. I will be at Comedy Off Broadway and Lex, Lexington, Kentucky, this weekend. And Falls View Casino Resort, Niagara Falls, May 24, and the Fort Lauderdale Improv June 6th and 7th. Paul, Brian, what do you got coming up?

[Allison Rosen]

Book signing at the end of the month, but forget about that. I want to bought the book. It's just sinking in. And it's like an Oscar speech, like you don't know what to say. And then all of a sudden, now that I have time to think about.

[Adam Carolla]

It, he wrote a book called Shrinkage, and it's on the top 10 bestseller.

[Allison Rosen]

It's going to make the best seller list this week.

[Dave Damaschek]

Wow, that's amazing.

[Allison Rosen]

I was so overwhelming at the moment. I didn't get a chance to properly thank everyone who bought it because Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Barely knows how to write.

[Dave Damaschek]

But he wrote a book called Shrinkage. Is that. What is that Shrinkage?

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry, quick story. I was diagnosed with cancer five years ago. Brain tumor. And this is the story of that first year with the tumor.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I had a brain tumor right about. How about you, Allison?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I was going to play Brian off, but we decided to give them the time. You can see us the Adam Carolla show live at Irvine Improv May 29th, Pasadena Ice House June 10th, Phoenix Stand Up Live. We're doing four shows June 20th and 21st. And then you can see Adam doing Stand up in Richmond. And for all info, tickets, etc. Go to AdamCarolla.com oh, and I almost forget.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a movie coming out myself called Blended opening in theaters Memorial Day weekend with Adam Sandler and two brothers, Barrymore. I'm Kevin Nealon and for all of you and us, I bid you farewell.

[Dave Damaschek]

Business like a marriage, you get into it for the wrong reasons and eventually they punch in the face.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that does it for today's Crow classic.

[Giovanni]

Make sure to tune tomorrow for our final installment of the weekend.

[Allison Rosen]

Until then, mahalo and get it on.

[Brian Bishop]

It.