Kyle Dunnigan On RFK Jr’s. Bedroom Antics

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Kyle Dunnigan On RFK Jr’s. Bedroom Antics

Release Date: January 6, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla engages in a lively and candid conversation with comedian Kyle Dunnigan. The discussion spans a wide array of topics, including personal inheritance woes, the omnipresence of certain music bands, gym culture, media misrepresentation of political figures, and the challenges of maintaining humor in modern stand-up comedy. The episode is marked by Adam's signature unfiltered humor and sharp insights, providing listeners with both laughter and thoughtful commentary.

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Adam’s Inheritance Story: Receiving Nothing but Tchotchkes

Adam opens up about his recent inheritance, revealing a surprisingly minimal legacy left by his late father. He shares the disheartening details of receiving only trivial items such as a signed Tony Bennett CD, Dennis Prager's Rational Bible, and an old LA Times article.

Adam Carolla [11:30]: "I received what was rightfully mine, my birthright, from my dad. But all it is now is a bag with some tchotchkes. Zero cash, no cars, no real estate—just pots and pans."

Kyle humorously comments on the insignificant inheritance, highlighting the contrast between expected and actual legacies.

Kyle Dunnigan [08:53]: "My sister, inherited $7,000."

Adam further elaborates on the improbability of receiving anything substantial, emphasizing his father's practical nature.

Adam Carolla [12:32]: "How possible is it that my dad would have gone out of his way to get a Tony Bennett CD autographed to me? It just makes no sense."

This conversation underscores themes of familial relationships and the unpredictability of what we leave behind.

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Comedy, COVID, and Personal Transformation

Adam reflects on the difficult periods of COVID-19 and his divorce, describing them as "protracted, long, miserable periods" that significantly altered his perspective and mindset.

Adam Carolla [05:48]: "I was tortured by divorce and then also tortured by Covid. These subjects have changed my point of view, but they're behind me now. I'm shaking them off like Taylor Swift."

He expresses optimism about moving forward, drawing a parallel to the rapid changes on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, where chaos can erupt at any moment.

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Gym Culture: Gender Dynamics and Personal Experiences

A substantial portion of the episode delves into Adam's experiences at high-end gyms like Equinox in Glendale and the Palisades. He humorously contrasts the predominantly female classes in Glendale with a more mixed-gender environment in the Palisades.

Adam Carolla [24:53]: "I took three classes at the Glendale Equinox—Pilates, yoga, body sculpting—and all were women, 100%, all time."

Kyle adds to the conversation by highlighting emerging trends and the increasing participation of men in typically female-dominated fitness classes.

Kyle Dunnigan [25:49]: "They're catching on."

Adam laments the lack of facilities like cold plunges in certain locations and the awkwardness of transitioning directly from the sauna to the cold plunge without a proper shower, leading to uncomfortable interactions.

Adam Carolla [33:30]: "They got chemicals in there though, you know? I think it's unethical to jump into that tub covered in sweat."

The dialogue humorously critiques gym etiquette and the social dynamics within these environments.

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RFK Jr. and Media Misrepresentation

A significant discussion centers around Adam's impressions of RFK Jr. and his recent misrepresentation by CNN. Adam recounts an interview where RFK Jr. spoke about surveillance and civil liberties, only to have the media distort his remarks.

Adam Carolla [42:45]: "RFK Jr. gave a speech about surveillance and civil liberties, but CNN turned it into something like folks that got vaccinated are worse than Nazis."

He criticizes the media's tendency to take sound bites out of context, leading to misleading portrayals of public figures.

Adam Carolla [49:48]: "Cheryl Hines tried to correct the misrepresentation, but it was too late. They had already played the edited tape, cooking the narrative."

The conversation underscores the challenges of maintaining integrity in media representations and the impact of misinformation.

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Fleetwood Mac: An Omnipresent Annoyance

Adam vents his frustration about the constant presence of Fleetwood Mac's music in daily life, describing it as an inescapable annoyance.

Adam Carolla [78:28]: "You cannot go three days in modern society without hearing Fleetwood Mac. It's undoable."

Kyle and Dawson join in, sharing their own aggravations with the band's pervasive presence. Adam extends the discussion to include similar frustrations with other bands like the Eagles, emphasizing the repetitive and uninspired nature of their songs.

Adam Carolla [86:30]: "Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles are the same—mediocre, repetitive songs that nobody needs to hear."

The segment highlights the annoyance of overplayed music and its impact on listeners' daily experiences.

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Class Action Lawsuit and Legal Commentary

Adam touches upon the recent $95 million settlement Apple agreed to pay over allegations of recording private communications through Siri without user consent. He humorously contemplates joining the class action lawsuit.

Adam Carolla [90:18]: "I want to get involved with a class action lawsuit and get paid."

Kyle discusses the implications of such settlements, while Dawson expresses skepticism about the accessibility and benefits of participating in these legal actions.

Kyle Dunnigan [90:50]: "I'm doing such a good job."

Adam jokes about the complexity of navigating legal settlements and the frustrations of dealing with exorbitant fines or compensations.

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Stand-Up Comedy and Performance Settings

The conversation shifts to the challenges of modern stand-up comedy, with Adam expressing his disdain for comedians who incorporate non-comedic, inspirational content into their acts.

Adam Carolla [108:29]: "I don't want to see another special where the guy goes out there and talks about being kind or having a good headspace. Just get to the fucking comedy."

He criticizes the blending of personal anecdotes and motivational messages with humor, advocating for a more straightforward comedic approach. Kyle and Dawson share their perspectives on maintaining authenticity and avoiding pandering during performances.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [11:30]: "I received what was rightfully mine, my birthright, from my dad. But all it is now is a bag with some tchotchkes. Zero cash, no cars, no real estate—just pots and pans."

• Adam Carolla [78:28]: "You cannot go three days in modern society without hearing Fleetwood Mac. It's undoable."

• Adam Carolla [49:11]: "They took my remarks, changed the context, and now they expect me to shut up and pretend like nothing happened."

• Kyle Dunnigan [25:49]: "They're catching on."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a deep dive into personal struggles, the saturation of certain cultural elements, and the pitfalls of modern media practices. Through his conversation with Kyle Dunnigan, Adam Carolla navigates topics with his characteristic humor and unfiltered honesty, providing listeners with both entertainment and introspection. The interplay between personal anecdotes and broader societal critiques underscores the show's blend of comedy and insightful commentary, making it a compelling listen for those seeking laughs intertwined with thoughtful discourse.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, Kyle Dunnigan joins us. Mayhem's doing the news. I will give you the state of the union and tell you what old Pops Carolla left behind for his young son. And we'll do all that right after this. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Corolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting, Betonline provides you with all the action and the to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun, make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Betonline. The game starts here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Kyle Dunnigan. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now he celebrates Boxing Day every day.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on, got to get on the church we're gonna mandate you get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend as we roll into our 16th year on this program.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

2025, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so happy that you people have joined us. And you know, I've said it all a million times before. It's a dream job. It's insane. I thank God it's incremental. Like everything in life is kind of incremental. Except for if you're hanging around in New Orleans on Bourbon street, then it kind of all happens at once and we gotta check. And I know this is like a morbid thought, but I'm looking at you, Dawson. This event, this terrorist event, it happened at like 3:20 in the morning or something. That means everybody walking around that street was lit, right? There's no such thing as Bourbon Street. 3am and you can look it up. And I heard it was like 3, 3:15 in the a.m. right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Cops were loaded at that, right? Everybody's loud.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's, I'm saying this slam Hammer. If I'm ever just strolling down the promenade and a guy in a Ford Lightning decides to run me over, I'll pray I'm shit faced. Because in that world, 3am Bourbon street, you may not even know what happened. Like you may just show up St. Peter's there, he's playing a harp. And you're like, what kind of bar theme is this, Bitch? Where's my hurricane?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

At that point, you're on your ninth vodka Red Bull and you have completely destroyed the debilitating effects of alcohol.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Where's your beads?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you're mo. You're just. You're wasted. At that point, I don't even think you know how wasted you are. But, yeah, if you're.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. You're competing with that. You're saying Red Bull and vodka, which gets rid of the effects of alcohol, Dawson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I know. I thought I explained it that way. If I said it the other way.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you did say it that way, but I don't want that. I want these people just to be completely toasted.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, Red Bull does not make you sober.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Oh, you just said, got rid of the effects of alcohol. That's what I'm saying.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Keep you awake.

[Adam Carolla]

To get you awake. It could feel like, yeah, I mean, look up the time of the tragedy. But it was 3:00am Thus, no sober people were hit by that car, which is the only. Only silver lining in this entire thing that you'd have no. No idea what the fuck was going on and you'd just be. What the fuck? You just be completely blitz glimmer of hope. You. You know, at 1130 Bourbon street, there may be a couple of people that aren't completely toasted, but 3:20am they got.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Their faculties at 11.

[Adam Carolla]

But not once you get past 2am Was it three something, Dawson. This just popped in my head. Anyway, all right, lots to get into. State of the Union. I thought about it. Comedy, comedy, comedy. We'll be bringing on lots of comedians and doing lots of fun stuff and keep an eye on comedy. There was basically. I had a period of COVID and divorce, which were all protracted, long, miserable periods of just divorce. Horrible, horrible, horrible divorce that I didn't ask for. Just tortured by divorce and then also tortured by Covid, which was another thing. I happen to be correct on both subjects, but I was tortured on both. And it's, you know, changes your point of view and your mindset a little bit. But both subjects behind me now you're shaking them off. Shook them off like Taylor Swift. And I'm in here. 315. Yeah. Bourbon Street. Yeah. Everyone was lit up. And my hope is that you're completely blitzed and you're not even facing the right direction.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's no reason for a sober person to be out at 3:15 in the morning. In New Orleans, nobody needs a ride. Right, right, right. You don't want to hang out with drunk people. So, yes, 100% of the people were wasted.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so that's the only silver lining. All right, then. Comically. Now, I've told you guys, the Corollas weren't big into their kids in terms of setting them up for success.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, that's what I'm getting out of you.

[Adam Carolla]

Not an opportunity zone. Growing up in a Corolla house, they didn't have things like college saving funds and tutors and nannies and someone's going to teach you how to play the harpsichord or second language. We didn't do. We were sort of free range. We did what we did and our parents didn't get too involved. And then later on, at some point, I just moved out and that was about it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And no one noticed you were gone?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they wanted me. I was living in the garage. My sister basically moved out when she was like 14, and then I moved out when I was like 18 and a half. But there was never. There weren't meals, there weren't space camp, there wasn't whatever you do for your kid that you wanted, you know, like, I went college or whatever that thing is that you think about your kids, you know, like, you know, I. Especially when you get divorced, there's a lot of like, well, who's going to take care of the kids and then who's going to give them this and who's going to give them that? It's like, I don't know, they don't have to be millionaires, they can get a fucking job. But just so you guys don't think there's any hyperbole, I received. My dad passed away a couple of months ago, and I received what was rightfully mine, my birthright, from my dad. Now, so far, the Corolla house, there's not too many Corollas. There's my grandfather and my grandmother. They lived in a house, small house in North Hollywood, one bedroom, one bath. But they had a second small house in North Hollywood, one bedroom, one bath. That's where I grew up half the time. And then my mom, my stepdad took it over, and then there's my dad. So we basically got my dad, my mom, my grandmother, and my grandfather. But between the three of them, three or four of them. Between the four of them, there are three houses, and they're basically junker houses that were like $10,000 in 1951, but they're worth a million dollars now. But they're all paid for anyway in order of appearance. Grandfather died first, then grandmother died, then mom died, then dad died a couple of months ago. So far, the kids, meaning me and.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

My sister, inherited $7,000.

[Adam Carolla]

No, zero. We're at zero. We got four adults, four semi gainfully employed adults who owned property. Everyone's gone zero now. My sister got flatware. My sister got some pots and pans.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Are you now a slumlord in the Valley or what?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Cause the step now my dad's house was sold right before he died. And the stepmom is living somewhere else off of that money. And then my stepdad is in the other place. And I'm sure that money's his. They deserve it for taking care of those two for the last 30, 40 years. But I'm at a grand total of zero. But not quite. All right, not quite. So there were some little tchotchkes, you know what I mean? Like, my sister literally got a crock pot, like a kettle pot. She got a pot. There's no money. There's no cars, there's no real estate. There's no cabins. Who's gonna get the place in Palm Springs? I don' I went to the place in Huntington Beach. There's nothing. She got a pot, she's got a couple of pots. I didn't get any pots because I didn't go over there to get pots. But I did get the bag. I got the bag put together that was passed up. This is what my father has left.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

A bag of tchotchkes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? So there's. There's zero. Just to put a fine point on it, we're at zero. We were at zero. No cash, no cars, no property, no nothing. If it was, it wouldn't be the Princess Di one, which has some street value. So my sister comes over here last week with a shopping bag, a paper shopping bag, which, okay, that has some value. There's something to the bag. It's less than a dime. But you know when you go to the market and you do get the bag, they do upcharge you, like 8 cents or whatever it is.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

She says. I go, what's in the bag? She goes, you got a Bible, you got an article from the LA Times from 1993, and you got a CD. And I said, really? He said, yeah. What CD is it? Tony Bennett. Well, that's gotta be worth something. What do you think? What's a Tony Bennett is a Tony Bennett cd.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Is it signed by Tony Bennett?

[Adam Carolla]

It's signed to me. Now here's the funny thing. So you'd have to find someone named Adam to sell him the Tony Bennett CD. And I don't think CDs have a lot of street value these days, so I'm going to go. The other one wasn't the Bible. It was Dennis Prager's book, the Rational Bible. Dennis Prager is a friend of mine, and he wrote this book called the Rational Bible, and my dad had it. Now, couple things, little confusion. First off, I was sort of like, my sister said there was a Bible. Dennis Prager's name is in large print at the top of the book, so it didn't seem that confusing. But it's Dennis Prager's Rational Bible, which is different than the Bible, but. Ooh. Signed Tony Bennett CDs on eBay range from $39 to $129.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, yeah, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm not coming in tomorrow. If that's true, I'm flush now. First off, I owe my dad an apology for 80 bucks here. That's different. Yeah, but this one says Adam. So now we're gonna have to find a guy named Adam wants it, which makes it a little more exclusive, but I don't know. So here's the comedy. The comedy was, I got this book that Dennis Prager would give to me if I saw him, by the way, but I got the Rational Bible by Dennis Prager. And then I got this Times article, and then I got this Tony Bennett CD that says, to Adam, best wishes, Tony Bennett. And I kept looking at the cd, and I was like, okay, let's see if we can figure this out. Here's to the ladies, Ironically is what it's called. I'm looking at this cd, and I'm like, to Adam, best wishes, Tony Bennett. And I'm like, did my dad go to a Tony Bennett concert and have a CD signed to his son? And I thought, that's out of the question. Even though it sounds like it's possible to normal families, that would have been impossible. My dad would have had to go to a Tony Bennett concert, which he would have never done. And then he would have had to wait in line or buy a cd. It's impossible. Out of his character. Oh, yeah. Out of his character. Because it's movement. Like, it's something. And then it would have been something like, I'll get my son Tony Bennett cd. He would never have had that thought in a million years. So then I kept looking at it, and I was like, did he buy the Tony Bennett CD and then send Tony Bennett the jacket and tell Tony Bennett to sign the jacket of the CD to his son Adam. And I paused and I went, he'd never do that. He'd never do that in 10,000. Not years. Lifetime. 10,000 lifetimes. He would never do that. Well, then what is this CD that he has that he got autographed to his son? Which, by the way, he never presented me with this album. Came out in 1995. So then I called Dr. Drew and I said, Dr. Drew, you gotta help me. I got this Tony Bennett CD that's autographed to me. It was never presented to me. And my dad would never do anything like that for anybody, including himself. He would never do. He would never do. I'm gonna get a Tony Bennett CD from Adam and get an autograph. He would never do that in a thousand years.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I already figured it out.

[Adam Carolla]

I did too.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Tony Bennett was on Loveline, right? Because. Yep. I go, what was that, like the mid. Later 90s? Yep. Okay. So I got the CD from Tony Bennett. He autographed it to me, and then I gave it to my dad because I figured he'd like Tony Bennett. And then it sat his house for 31 years. And now I finally got it back. I got it back. I'm now gonna back that one out of the well called a dowry, or I'll call it a treasure trove of gifts. I gotta back out the most expensive item in the bag because that was mine that I gave to him. So now we're just left with the Rational Bible from Dennis Prager. What's a used one run on Amazon? If we can find that out.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

This article. What is this article?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, don't forget the bag.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The bag's worth something.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You're right. I saw the bag out there. I almost.

[Adam Carolla]

A sweet bag. Oh, look, it's great if you got a vomit and you're driving in the back of a car.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you got stuff.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I literally almost chucked it on the way in. I was like, who left this bag on the table?

[Adam Carolla]

It's got my name on it, bro. Tony Bennett signed it. So this is the grand total.

[Dawson]

This is.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the total. This is all of it. This is all that's left. That's it. This is. This is it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

God bless you, Jim.

[Adam Carolla]

I got my Tony Bennett CD back. Finally. I got. Got the bag the Rational Bible used on Amazon. $9. Okay. This one's in exceptional condition. So. And then I got. And then also I got. I mentioned the bag. Oh, the article. The article is an article. That my dad wrote about his dead brother to the LA Times in, like, late 1994. So we got that. And did your father ever do anything that was uplifting?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I love.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He got published by writing about his dead brother.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Mm. I love Jim Crowley. You wish. I wish I had Jim Crow. My dad's still alive and still.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You missed out. You missed out big time.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I would love to be ignored.

[Adam Carolla]

You like Tony Bennett?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then you like Jim Carolla. Do you like receiving your own CDs?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then you'll like Jim Carrillo. Do you like brown shopping bags?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you like Dennis Prager's interpretation of Genesis?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

About $9 worth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, there you go. Yeah. It was also funny because the same time I received the bag, I'd heard from my ex wife's lawyers that they want to go back a year and look at some finances to see if I owe more in child support, which was 19 grand a month, and the kids are 18 and out of the house, but I could still owe more from a year and two years ago, even though they're done being supported. So quite a juxtaposition between. Now, if there is several thousand dollars owed, I guess I could just sell that CD and the Rational Bible and get square. But yeah, I was literally thinking about paying 19 grand a month in child support and by the way, owing more even though they've left the house corn in the state of California versus zilch. Yeah, it was a weird timing thing. It happened like on the same day. So now also it proves my point. Dawson, you've been around long enough. I got my CD back. It had my name on it. And I got the Rational Bible back because I know Dennis Prager. Now here's my contention. Remember years ago on the radio when I said, now I realize that I'm a multi box setter. I got drawn together an animated series box set. I got crank anchors, maybe more than one box set. And I got man show box sets as well as seven books published. I said, I will offer $100,000 if someone goes to my dad's house and walks out with one item that I have produced over my career. One tape, one box set, one book, anything of all the books and all the box sets or what have you, Just one item that has. That I'm involved with and walked out. I'll give you $100,000. You can walk in his house tomorrow, see him coming. I've been proven right because those items would have come back. They would have been in the bag. Because I got my CD back and I got the rational Bible back. So I think I would have got the man show box set back too. As well as books if they were.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That you didn't go sift through the wreckage like that's what I. I'm imagining. My old man kicks it. I like go in his house. What do you stand his porno or whatever?

[Adam Carolla]

I've heard way too many stories. My dad was in some weird shit. No, my dad wasn't in anything is the point. But who even wants to begin to take one step down? My dad was into some weird shit road. Do you know what I mean?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I mean, I'm a brave man.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you got? What's it? Your what's at your dad's house? And you know, hell if I know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I mean, a toilet sink.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is my goddamn toilet sink?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's in his garage. He cussed you out for weighing over 200 pounds.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not filled with piss, it's empty. Right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't know if he used it yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he'll be fully compensated. Hey, so you like Tony Bennett?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He does all right. His name's Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

We can work out a trade out. What would you find? I didn't know. I didn't go to my dad's house, I didn't go to my mom's house, I didn't go to my grandparents house.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I threw it at. On a man, you know, if he's into some weird stuff then fine.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll Might you find like a World War I Prussian helmet or some memorabilia or something that's got. Yeah. Nazi dagger. Like something that has some street value maybe.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

You would find something.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Pistols. Ars.

[Adam Carolla]

Pistols? Yeah. You buy guns? Yeah. That's worth something.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

So my dad didn't have things.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Not a damn trumpet. There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

He had the trumpet.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I was right.

[Adam Carolla]

I bought the trumpet.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why didn't the trumpet come back?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, where's the trumpet?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wouldn't that have come back to you?

[Adam Carolla]

You would? Yeah. I mean, hell yeah, I did buy him the trumpet.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, so what? You didn't re inherit that? What the hell's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. All right, so next time a jaunty. I feel like everything with street value went elsewhere. Like it was resold or like there was no street value to Adam. Tony Bennett cd. That's why it's still around. The box sets, those sold on ebay for way more than 129. Crank anchor box. My dad doesn't know what crank Anchors is. Which is the majesty of him. All right, so now the entire family is officially gone, and I'm an zero. But I tell people all the time the truest thing I've ever said in my life. Disappointers never disappoint. They never disappoint the people. There is no possible way there'd be $1 million squirreled away that my dad had wanted me to find after he was gone or something. No, the people that disappoint, they go right to the grave with it. They are who they are, by the way. The people who are good are. They're good, too. The people who disappoint are actually more consistent than the people who don't disappoint, than the actual good people, than the people who do things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it worked. I mean, they got. From birth to the grave, it's the same. They made it all the way through.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

On the floor and then just walked all over them.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, when he goes, when they go. When she goes. I'm not even going to their house. There's nothing there. I'm not even. And people thought I was exaggerating the whole time. Exaggerating. There's nothing. It's gone. There's nothing. There's zero.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And Tony Bennett is crying right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I do have Tony Bennett in the rational Bible. And Prager will get a laugh. He will get a laugh when I tell him I got his rational Bible. All right, so there's that. And then you got to juxtapose that to me and whatever I owe in child support, which is. Oh, God. Am I the wrong guy to talk talk to you about that subject?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's $18,970. If you sell the Bennett CD, they.

[Adam Carolla]

Sell back out the Bennett. All right, here's a question for you, Mayhem. I don't know what you think of this. Spent a lot of time in the gym. I did a little sociological study. You ready?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm ready.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you that I'd go to the Equinox in Glendale, and I'd be the only dude in the yoga class, the only dude in the Pilates class, and the only dude in the body sculpting class. Just me and 25 chicks. That's it. And I said, hey, it's better than a bunch of dudes. Okay? I took three classes at the Glendale Equinox. Glendale's Armo city. Nice. You know, it's kind of the Valley for those who are listening over here, okay? I took Pilates, I took yoga, I took Body sculpting. All chicks, 100%, all time. Only dude in there today. I went to the Equinox in the Palisades, took the yoga class. 26 people in there, eight dudes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They're catching on.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's the difference between Glendale and the Palisades.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Glendale's a bunch of box headed armo dudes out there just doing a hack slide and going, come on, bro, I'll spot you. Palisades are a bunch of dudes driving Priuses with fucking ponytails, listening. Like a soft dude who's also kind of in touch with his feminine side. Like, no judgment doing. No judgment. Doing the Pilates class in the Palisade. That's Malibu Santa Monica. That's that area. No judgment over that. When you're in Glendale. All the bros looking through the window over me doing the cleans and the dads and the hack slides and you're benching. They're all looking at me. That homo trying to suck his own dick. There is. There's a difference. And all I've said is, look, I'm sitting in there in my Pilates in my yoga class today, and I go, look, eight out of the 24, 25 people, it's 33% versus me solo and the three that I took in Glendale. So that's a thing, right? It's like a regional thing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

So you're getting in touch with your feminine side through yoga. A little more estrogen in your blood, soften you up.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. But I'm just saying for the. The. That's the difference between the Palisades and Glendale cultural.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's like more salt. I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

If they had an equinox in Sun Valley, there'd be zero dudes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In yoga class, all moms. I'll bet you. I can tell you the breakdown of dudes in yoga. If you went to Encino, there'd be four dudes in the yoga. Like, it's a little upscale, but it's still the Valley Studio city. Maybe five dudes. I will tell you the region and how many dudes, what region?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

All males in the yoga class.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's weho. I mean, that's just making sure. Yeah. Just so you know, that's West Hollywood. Which reminds me of something I'll get into in a minute. So here's another thing. You tell me what you think. They got the cold plunge.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the cold plunge.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I try to go to Equinox, man. It's a pricey gym.

[Adam Carolla]

I got in Credit card.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, American Express.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the way.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But that's the way. Centurion Lounge.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Now, they don't have the cold plunge in the Glendale one, but it'd be. It all clogged up with armo hair. It wouldn't work. It would look like the Exxon Valdez hit the Rocky Shoals. It just. You'd have to go in there and literally part armo back hair. You'd have to, like, move armo hair. If they had a cold plunge in Glendale, you'd have to go in there with a. One of those saws they use for ice fishing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, I thought you meant ice pick.

[Adam Carolla]

An ice fish. No, the saw for ice fish. I'd have to go in there with an auger. An ice fishing auger with a Briggs and Stratton hooked up to. And fire the thing. I'm like. And it'd be binding on the armo back hair. Rocket. Rocket. Make a space. Then I'd slide in and just try to hold it back like Hercules when the town was coming down. So they don't have the cold plunge, but they got the cold plunge in the Palisades.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now they got the cold plunge right next to the sauna. Now, I want to know your gym rat. I want to know what your take is. The sauna. We talking dry and communal? Yeah, dry and communal. Male, female. Yeah. You got to wear your bathing suits in that area.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Got it.

[Adam Carolla]

And you got to wear your bathing suits, your trunks in the cold plunge or your bathing suit. Whatever. Male, female, you are instructed to go take a shower before you go into the cold plot.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. That's fine. Got a little back sack working there. I get it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I haven't always. Haven't always done that, but I do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I respect the system. Besides, you gotta have a wet head. You can't go walking into the cold plunge with a dry head. People will know you didn't hit the shower. Right?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I shower off. I go in there. There's three tubs. They only got one of them working. It's a little warmer than it should be because it's getting used too much. It's like 55 degrees. It should be like 45 degrees. Whatever. It's pretty comfortable. The thing about the cold tub is 55 is almost comfortable, and 45 is kind of brutal. It's a big. The Mason Dixon line is 40 versus 50. If you're. If the number starts with a 4, it's going to sting. If it starts with a 5. You'll get used to it. So I get in the tub and I hang out for three or four minutes and then I get out and I walk into the sauna, which is five feet away. Just walk right in and there I'm greeted by a whole group of people that are hanging out and a couple of dudes that look like. I got one dude looks like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

If.

[Adam Carolla]

Ron Jeremy and Khalid Sheikh Mohammed had a kid, that's what that guy would look like. In board shorts, big round hair all over two chains beer. Yeah. DJ Khaled. DJ Khaled covered in hair.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And everyone's just standing there sweating their ass off and they go, they go, you know, they should have a thing where you know, a way to rinse off before you get into the, into the cold plunge. And I go, well, you take a shower, you gotta take a shower, take a shower. And then you go into the cold plunge. And they go, no, no, we all hang out in the sauna and then we go into the cold plunge. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, now with the fucking mantit hair all over the like, no, now all of a sudden I'm getting prude. By the way, my last move in the cold plunge, head under. I slide in, feet out, head down. 20 Mississippi under or ass zone. The showers on the other side of the locker room. Like you want to do the shower. And by the way, they want the sensation of the hot, right? So they're like, oh no, you got to have the hot, then the cold. I go, well, I'll just do the cold. I'll do the shower, then the cold, then I'll go into the sun. I go, no, no, you got to do. And I'm like, well, first off, only one of them's open and it's tag teaming. Guy getting out, another guy getting in. If you guys are walking out of the shower looking like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. But now it is gonna get a little funky town. Cause you're covered with sweat and you just step it right on in.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They got chemicals in there though, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, I mean, I'm not uptight, but I'm. And I don't. I eat shit off the ground. Yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't care about any of that stuff. And I'm not uptight.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You just don't like the idea of a man's sweat all over you. I wrestle.

[Adam Carolla]

So I think if it's a communal tube that everyone is using, you cannot walk your sweaty ass literally five feet from walking right out of the sun and step into that tub covered in sweat. Times, you know, nine hours that. That place is open all fucking day. Like, I'm sorry, if you want that sensation, but you gotta go shower off and then get into the cold tub. I don't know, Dawson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The order they're doing it, the order they want to do it in, I firmly believe in. I think it's correct. You need to sit in the sauna until every pore opens. And then you need a warm rinse to get rid of all of that and. And clean it off. And then when you jump in that ice plunge, you can literally hear your skin go, really? And you feel awesome. So the order they're doing it in is right.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's unethical.

[Adam Carolla]

But they're not taking a shower. What they want is they want to step. They want the whole Swedish thing where they jump out of the sauna and dive into the snowbank.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not jump out of the sauna, go into the cabin, rinse off, and then jump into the snowbank. They want that uninterrupted.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, that's why you rinse off in warm water or hot water.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but it's still. You got to walk 100ft, go fucking shower off, and walk back. Someone else is going to be in the tub when you come back. Now, this is the kind of thing I never go. Karen, on anyone's ass. But do I say you gotta install, like, one of those beach showers, like, right outside the thing. You gotta walk out of the sauna, do the beach shower, hit, and then go in. You can't just bring. This guy looked like Ron Jeremy and Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. That's all I got what this guy looked like. I'm not uptight. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. All right, Kyle Dunnigan is joining us. Should we. Should we take a break? Take a break? Take a break. The great Kyle Dunnigan right after this. Morgan and Morgan. Life can be a little crazy sometimes. And one person's negligence can result in another person's settlement. Hopefully, that'll be you. If you're ever injured, you check out my good friends over at Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm. Over 100 offices nationwide and more than 1,000 lawyers. They got more than $20 billion recovered from over 500,000 cases. That's right. They got a lot of clients, and they've recovered a lot over the years. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you a full and fair compensation for what you deserve. Going on the road and doing stand up every weekend can be difficult. At least I make it look hard. But submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is easy. It's Morgan and Morgan, right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com adam or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's fo r the people.com adam or pound law pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Adam, it's Justin Bend, Oregon. On top of everything else, I'd like to thank you for.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'd like to thank you for turning.

[Adam Carolla]

Me on to a scoop of peanut butter in the mouth. Of course. Crunchy. Get it on. And happy New year.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

My birthday.

[Adam Carolla]

My Christmas came early with the election.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Get it on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Kyle Dunnigan is zooming in. Kyle's got dates. Joe's Pub and NYC. That'll be January 7th. Coming right on up. American comedy co. That's in San Diego. That'll be January 9th through the 11th. Wow. Keep busy. Soul Joel's Potsdam, which is the craziest. There's no less soulful comedy establishment than Soul Joel's. I mean, I mean, it is literally in, you know, when people. And I like Soul Joel's. I played there two months ago. It was great. But have you been to Soul Joel's?

[Dawson]

My first time, but I did think the same thing. I don't know any Joel's with soul.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's the opposite of soul. Luther, that's a soulful name, you know, Otis, that's soulful. Joel, you're an accountant. No, no. But here's the thing. When you picture, so it's interesting. So, like, I knew I was playing Soul Joel's for like six months and I was like, where is it? And Pennsylvania. Soul Joel's and I'm picture. You know, clubs have their own personalities. You know, some have old, like, it's in the wood, it's in the vibes, you know, and it's also comics, like clubs that have like a patina on them, you know, no one they don't want to do stand up at a strip mall with a drop acoustic ceiling on a slab. You know, they want that vibe. And, you know, they have the clubs like Cobbs in San Francisco and stuff where they just had their full if the walls could talk kind of thing. Sol Joel's is called Soul Joel's and it's done. The venue looks like a banquet room in a Marriott in outside of Nevada with literally just chairs. It was like a seminar that you would sell timeshares at with a makeshift. With a stage with wheels on.

[Dawson]

Yeah. So check it out on the 25th to see.

[Adam Carolla]

Great crowd. Great crowd. The place is fun, the food is good. Like everything is good. But the soul part will bump you when you walk in there because it has all the soul of a waiting room of a place that does tires and balancing and wheel balancing. Like, you know that with a generic magazine and a weird fiberglass 70s chairs chair just sitting there. Smells like vulcanized rubber. It's a little too bright.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right.

[Dawson]

Not the worst name, though. Magoobies might be the worst name.

[Adam Carolla]

Goobies. Joe Cut, right?

[Dawson]

Oh, is it Joe Cut? I don't even know.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like it's a hut. I swear to God, not even a house. Joe will tell us. Is it Magoobies? Joe Cut. Because it's like somebody's like, how do we make Magoobies more demeaning?

[Dawson]

They hit a hut.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll put his Polish last name. Oh, it's Joke House. It's Magoobie's Joke House. I like House of jokes, but all right, so that's where. Well, Kyle's not gonna be Magoov. He's gonna be Solj's and he's got more dates and he's a great standup, so watch him do that. And the Kyle Dunnigan show as well. Stuff to get into. So Kyle, I don't know what's on your mind. I don't know what characters you're screwing around with. I got stuff we can get into. Well, I've been doing some RFK Jr. Oh, yeah. Right now, actually, I'm drinking my own.

[Dawson]

Urine here, which I recommend everyone drink their own urine.

[Adam Carolla]

I was really impressed by RFK Jr. I. I interviewed that guy, went to a few of his bits and benefits and birthday parties and stuff like that. Why? I'll tell you the one thing I like. You never see this in Hollywood. You never see this in Hollywood because everyone in Hollywood is fucking pussy whipped. You know, they have to pretend like their wife is 10 times smarter than them and 10 times everything. And they have to do when they're accepting their Peabody or their Academy Awards. So is your wife. And even though she's a stay home mom, she's 10 times braver. Than I am. And even though she has 13 nannies and a stay home mom, it just orders grubhub all day. She's so much braver and so much smarter and so much whatever, you know. Eileen, this one's for you. They always do that. And he is getting interviewed like a year and a half ago when they're doing this hit piece on him. CNN is up there doctoring footage of a speech he made. He basically gave a speech where he went, look, there's just 5,000 satellites in the air. Everyone knows where you are now, and we're giving up our civil liberties because the government knows exactly what you're up to all the time. Like, you can't not get vaccinated. If they want you vaccinated, they will fucking find you and catch up to you. And he's going, I don't like it. And then he said, at least in Nazi Germany, like During World War II, you could escape through the Alps and go to Switzerland or something like that. There wasn't a satellite flying over you. So then of course, cnn, because they're great journalists, takes it, whacks it all up and it turns it into something like folks that got vaccinated or worse than Nazis or some. They do what CNN does, which is the opposite of journalism, which is taking a three minute sound bite and whacking it up into 40 seconds and. And completely changing the context.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So then he goes on CNN and they're going, can we play this tape of something you said? And it's like, well, that's not what I said. That's what you guys whacked into me saying, you guys made this composite of what I said and turned it into this. And then the CNN reporter goes, even your wife, Cheryl Hines said it was disgusting. And he just goes, she's wrong. And I'm like, shut up, bitch. We don't have to like, see, in CNN's world, he's supposed to go into a fetal position and break out crying because his wife said she didn't like this tape.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That they. Dr. Yeah, yeah.

[Dawson]

So thought they had the trump card on him, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So he was just like, well, she's wrong. But he's like, you guys are wrong too, because you took the tape and it was funny. He goes, play the whole tape. Play the tape. You guys doctored this. Play the tape. That's not Dr. And they go, you want us to play the tape again? And he goes, no, not that tape. You just played that tape. That's the one you guys already cooked Play the uncooked one. And they're like, well, we don't have that one. We did at one point. That's how you cooked it. You had to have.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He called him out in the interview.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, Joe will find it, but it's pretty. He's not a big enough dick for my. He's too. You know, he's polite.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

While he's calling them out. But he also has a little something called integrity. So he's like, no, you guys have cooked this. You doctored this thing up. But I like that guy. And I also like.

[Dawson]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that everyone's going nuts. Like, what if this guy gets in charge? And then we're not gonna have any more dying foods.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanna.

[Dawson]

And it's. It's with everything, but you go, okay. They go, okay, he's crazy. And then you go like, what do you. What do you do? That's crazy. And then they regurgitate like a headline. And then you dig deeper and you go, oh, he didn't really say that or something. It's just absurd.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

The only reason I think he's pretty wild is he, like did the thing with the bear. I think we were.

[Adam Carolla]

I love guys.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And he. And he chainsaw the head. Head, which. This is totally something I would do. Chainsaw the head off a whale and then put it on top of my van and then drive home. That's awesome.

[Dawson]

Well, the bear story. Well, that was a prank for sure. He put a bear in Central park on top of a bicycle.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I definitely would kick it with this guy. That's what I'm worried about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Made up a story, though. He made up a different story, I guess because he thought the. The prank wasn't presidential enough because he was running. But his story was like, yeah, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Was gonna just eat the bear meat later.

[Dawson]

And he got like, caught up with this bear in his car.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, it seems crazy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I would love that, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the road. Look, I love the roadkill, guys, because you are talking to the guy who took Indian food from the Hamptons back to Malibu from the Hamptons also back to Malibu and ate it the following day. Because I hate waste that much. I hate waste so much. I will not throw away food. I hate waste. Roadkill is really just the ultimate waste. You know what I mean? You got a 400 pound bear or 200 pound bear. You got 150 pounds of bear meat and it's just rotting out in the sun on the highway. Or whale meat.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Think of the rug.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the rug too. So they brought it home to eat it native.

[Dawson]

He goes, I guess it's just the redneck in me. Which is what he said. Which, if there was a test, what's the opposite of redneck? I might write a Kennedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, we have. We have the RFK clip, the junior clip. By the way, I'm from cnn, which played. It's been a year or so, by the way. It's the new world order. It's what you have to have to do now when CNN or whomever's just doing their hit.

[Dawson]

Oh, she tweeted about it. Oh, that's not cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Well, Cheryl Hines is trying to get jobs in Hollywood, and then also her big job is Larry David. Yeah, Larry David is so fucking far gone that he ran into, like, Alan Dershowitz at the country store in the Hamptons and attacked him for talking to Trump. So her boss is a mad person, and she has to navigate this world.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I thought they're done with that show.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now they are, but this is a couple years ago.

[Dawson]

Isn't this the end of a relationship when your girlfriend or wife tweets that she doesn't agree with you publicly? I think that's the end of it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, I do that all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my ex went after me after Valerie Bertinelli got angry at me about a Covid joint.

[Dawson]

How long did it last after that, though? Isn't this like. Is that like three weeks?

[Adam Carolla]

She loves Valerie Bertinelli, and I hate Valerie Bertinelli. I don't really hate Valerie Bertinelli. I was just railing about COVID and Valerie Bertinelli decided to throw her fucking retarded hat in the ring.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Valerie Bertinelli in the filing in the initial divorce, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I should see if scan back through that document.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, so what is that? What does Cheryl's tweet say, then? I can't really read it.

[Dawson]

My husband's reference to Anne Frank at a mandate rally in D.C. was reprehensible and insensitive. The atrocities that millions endured during the Holocaust should never be compared to anyone or anything. His opinions are not a reflection of my own.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. She's going, my own. Who needs a job? And fucking Hollywood mad person. Shut up. And by the way, this kind of. Okay, then we'll listen to his thing, and then I'll tell you guys, that.

[Dawson]

Could actually fuel sexuality. That can actually fuel the bedroom. You know, make it hot, where he's like, don't you talk about me again. And then you stop Tweeting.

[Cheryl Hines]

Yeah, rip your top off.

[Dawson]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, no, I. I totally agree that that's a kink. He could dress up like a Nazi war criminal who's escaped to Belize. All right, this is from January, end of January 2020. So coming up on three years. All right, we'll play the clip.

[Cheryl Hines]

She's not right. But it was.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, go back to the top.

[Dawson]

Sorry. Well, she's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[CNN Reporter]

You also in 2022, had this to say at a rally opposing Covid mandates.

[Dawson]

Watch.

[Cheryl Hines]

Even in Hitler Germany, you could cross the Alps into Switzerland. You can hide in an attic like Anne Frank did. Today, the mechanisms are being put in place that will make it so none of us can run and none of us can hide.

[CNN Reporter]

So your wife, Cheryl Hines, put out a tweet that called those remarks reprehensible and insensitive. Is she right?

[Cheryl Hines]

No, she's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Cheryl Hines]

Something needed to be said at that time because cnn, particularly Jake Kaplan was very, very close, took those remarks and, and misinterpreted, mischaracterized. Well, I mean, you put it off.

[CNN Reporter]

You are comparing it to. You're comparing Covid to what happened in Hitler's job.

[Cheryl Hines]

No, I never show the whole clip. That's not what I.

[CNN Reporter]

Play it again. Play the play.

[Cheryl Hines]

I don't want to play that again. I'm going to show what I was saying before that if you can do that, you should play it again. What you're doing is misleading the public right now. What I was saying is that right now we're living in a time with artificial intelligence, AI, with gps, with. With facial recognition systems, with hundreds of thousands of low altitude satellites and are looking at every part of the earth every day. And these are, these are. This is a kind of turnkey totalitarianism. These are methods for control and surveillance that if you get the wrong person in government, a tyrant, that they can misuse those. It's been the ambition of every totalitarian system in the history of mankind to control every aspect of human behavior.

[CNN Reporter]

Even in Hitler Germany, you could cross the Alps into Switzerland. Do you understand why people were upset by this?

[Cheryl Hines]

You can't. I understand why people.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hey, bitch. He's saying even in Hitler's Germany, even the worst time ever, you could hide. You cannot hide from a satellite and you can't hide from a ring doorbell camera, and you can't hide from all the surveillance state stuff. So it's weird things like. You understand why people upset.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're using Hitler as a negative example in this discussion, so I don't know what the fuck she's talking about now. I don't know. If this dingbat. When your news department cooks a story and then you get kind of hung out to dry, do you go back off and go, listen, you got to tell me when you're editing this shit and cooking this shit so I don't look like a fucking retard up there. I don't know. Or she knows she cooked it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, she is too late.

[Adam Carolla]

She's already pot committed. You can go back 15 seconds, but she's gonna. She's gonna make her point. You understand why people are upset, right? What about Nazis? World War II, Hitler? What are we talking about here?

[Cheryl Hines]

Can misuse those. It's been the ambition of every totalitarian system in the history of mankind to control every aspect of humanity.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, hold on. If it's not a hit piece, she can now say, oh, that's what you meant. Now I understand. I thought you were saying something else, but you're saying this. I wasn't aware of that. Let's keep talking about that. She's not even listening. She's. She's got her paper ready here. She can keep going. What the fuck is this bitch's name?

[Cheryl Hines]

Control every aspect of human behavior.

[CNN Reporter]

Even in Hitler Germany, you could cross the Alps into Switzerland and you can hide in an adequate. Do you understand why people were upset by this?

[Cheryl Hines]

Now you can't. I understand white people are upset with your interpretation of it, your mischaracterization that I was comparing Hitler's Germany to the COVID lockdowns, which I never did.

[CNN Reporter]

We. We do not have a longer version of the clip. I do think that the call have.

[Adam Carolla]

Is you have a longer version in your edit bay where you cook. Where you cook videotape to ambush people who come on your show who you disagree with politically. Yes, the editor has the whole version. That's how you were able to cook it. It's in your edit bay. You have it. You're not going to show it, but you had to have it because you had to cook it. And you can't cut a misleading shorter video from a longer video unless you start with the longer video first. Bitch, I'm going to take this out.

[Dawson]

On Cheryl's ass tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you?

[Cheryl Hines]

Yeah, you better believe it.

[Dawson]

She's going to get a spanking from me.

[Adam Carolla]

And what about that pussy Larry David?

[Dawson]

Oh, God damn pussy. I hate that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll play a little more Here. Sorry, we.

[CNN Reporter]

We do not have a longer version of the clip. I do think that the clip that we have is very clear, but I will make sure that we look at the. The farther. The further remarks as well.

[Dawson]

Oh, sure, she will.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the full. We have the full statement, by the way. It's worth it. Just so you know. What? The news is up to everybody. You think they're the news, that they're not the news.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I thought everything's entertainment now.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no more news, I guess. But you're presenting it. Like, here's what you said. I mean, like, okay, if you listen to Howard Stern, Howard Stern can take Martha Stewart's book, her audio book, and say, then I took my gardener in the shed and he butt fucked me and came on my back. Okay, that's not in the book. That's not in the audiobook. That's them taking words from the audiobook and then cutting it up to say something that didn't happen. That we know is a joke. But what is the difference? Is there a big difference between just watching a guy make a 5 minute speech and then whacking it up so it sounds like he's sort of pro Nazi Germany and anti Anne Frank? Like, is there a big difference?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's a thing. It's like a way for people to boost engagement. If you just take some things out of context and bingo, bango, you got yourself a lot of views.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. But did she know it? I don't know. I'd like to have a Martha Stewart.

[Dawson]

Cheryl Heinz sandwich, I'll tell you that. Oh, you better believe it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, they're both shapely blondes. They both have been the father. Time doesn't seem to touch those two. Right? Yeah.

[Dawson]

And they're their own. They got their own money. That's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

But, Kyle, don't you think that Martha Stewart would be a little too intimidating? Like, maybe you'd have a little trouble.

[Dawson]

With hot, though, in bed? I think that's. I think she wants to be sort of controlled in the bedroom.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, she's got a double leg all of the.

[Dawson]

During the day, but in the bedroom, she probably wants the dominant, controlling man.

[Adam Carolla]

But what if the wiener wasn't working well and she starts. She starts going, you know, like you're there and you're trying to get a little blood flowing. And she's like, I've got a pumpernickel loaf in the oven right now. You've got 41 minutes to get some goddamn blood going or I'm heading to get that pumpernickel loaf out of the oven. And you'd be like, stop talking. I'm trying to concentrate. And there's pictures of her everywhere. Like everywhere you look there's a picture of her and she's in the bed and she's telling you that she's worth $2 billion. And you're like, come on. I'm just trying to get a little blood going here. Come on. I can't focus.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's what you want.

[Dawson]

Does that. That would be a problem.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

A popsicle stick and some duct tape, bro. Get it done.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's coming up like, well, maybe I'll just make you a spritzer or mint julep or something to take the edge off, you know. Then you hear in the next room and she's got. She fired up the Cuisinart or the blender or something. And you know you're on the clock because the pumpernickel's in the oven. You know what I mean? And your dick's arguing with you at this point. You know that feeling?

[Dawson]

You want to make it presentable for her. You're probably going to decorate it a little bit with some Rosemary's or, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, it's a good, you know, it's a good life. Well lived a boner to non boner ratio. I never thought about it, but let's really do the boner. Non boner ratio. You ready?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm gonna explain myself.

[Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember very clearly being like 15 or 16 and all I would do when I was a kid, I didn't have a doctor. I didn't do annual exams or anything. We just free ranged, you know. But to play football, every year you had to get a physical exam to play football. And so once a year you'd go to the doctor, you know, it wasn't my doctor. It's just like so and so from the East Valley Trojans. You got to go. You got to go get a physical. Anyone? I played high school and stuff like that. You had to get your once a year physical, you know, two weeks before the season, the practice started. Otherwise they wouldn't let you practice. I remember being like 15, 15 or 16. I was in high school and the nurse did the get down to your underpants and the doctor will be in. When you're 16, you can't stand around in your underpants for more than five minutes without getting a boner. Right?

[Dawson]

Okay, I'm gonna give you a signal. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You remember, you'd just be sitting there in fucking health class and you just get up and you had a boner. Like when you'd be wearing sweatpants.

[Dawson]

I had a thing every. Every 10:30 in the morning. My math teacher, who wasn't even hot.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Dawson]

But she had a smell about her. And I would, like clockwork, just get this boner right. 10:30am and it was the class where you'll go to the board and do the math problem.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It was.

[Dawson]

It was a panic attack.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

High school.

[Adam Carolla]

High school, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I was in like fifth grade closing my dick in a book.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know what I mean? It's just serious business.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? So as a dude, as a young dude, you get boners all the time and they're not even earned. You just get a boner, right? You just get a boner.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so then the nurse is like, get down your underpants. Doctor will be in here in a few minutes and just wait for him. I'm sitting there, I'm waiting, now I'm getting a boner. I have no idea when this guy's gonna walk through the door, but when he walks through the door, first thing he's gonna do is drop the underpants and do the hernia thing with the nut sack. The turn your head and cough thing, right?

[Dawson]

Oh, God, you gotta.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's gonna. Fuck. I'm gonna have a boner. By the way, you know, I was always like, why turn your head and cough? Like, what is it doing? Is it stretching some hernia muscle or some scrotal muscle or groin or something?

[Dawson]

Just don't cough in his face.

[Adam Carolla]

I just realized there's a bald guy who's got his finger in your sack, and you'd just be looking down, coughing on his head, and he'd have to do that 12 times a day. So they go, turn your head and cough, you know? So I'm standing there in my underpants and I'm getting a boner and I don't know what to do. And I have no idea when this guy's coming through the door, but I know he's gonna come through the door and I'm gonna have a boner and it's going to be weird. So then I get down, I start doing push ups. And the reason, my logic is I've never had a boner while doing pushups. When you exercise, you lose your boner.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's called battle dick.

[Dawson]

You're hitting your boner on the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

Though, for the first three or four, first few reps. So either way, yeah. Prevents you from coughing in the dark. So. Okay, sorry. Now that's a bad boner. That's a bad boner situation. Later on in life, there's situations where you wish you had that boner. You know, a little too much whiskey, little too much booger sugar. Night went on a little too long, maybe starting to sober up. You're starting to get a better view of what your gal pal looks like. I mean, there's a lot of different things working out here, but there are times when you wish you had that boner. You know what I mean? Now, I don't think anybody's going to get through life without a bad boner situation. On the happy side and on the losing side, you're going to have the boner. Young Kyle Dunnigan wearing dolphin shorts and no underpants. Step up to the board and let's write some equations. Some math equations. You're like, Mrs. Johnson, I'm really not in the mood. Step. Don't be shy, Kyle, the sweatpants where he didn't wear the underwear. Whatever that situation is, right? That's the bad boner situation. Then there's the whiskey dick. Or you're just getting a little older, or you've been a little stressed out or whatever. Whatever's weighing on your mind. There's another boner situation you want. I would say you would like to say that. That you are. Plus something in the boner, good boner and bad boner department. Like what's the over under on the can't get it up? Also the young bad boner department. Do you know what I mean? 10 over the course of your lifetime, whatever it is, if you can keep that number into single digits, you've led a pretty good life as a dude.

[Dawson]

Oh, I see. Yeah. No. Yes. Signal digits would be good single digit.

[Adam Carolla]

In the good and bad boner department.

[Dawson]

The worst boner I ever had. I was at a wedding and my mother was there and this. I went to dance with this really hot girl who I didn't really know.

[Adam Carolla]

Haunchy girl.

[Dawson]

She was really hot.

[Adam Carolla]

But she had some haunches on her, right?

[Dawson]

No, she, like.

[Adam Carolla]

She told me once that you had a sort of a fetish for, like, women that had a little bit more of a caboose on them or something.

[Dawson]

Maybe someone else.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe describe your mom is that way.

[Dawson]

I never did that.

[Adam Carolla]

I never did that.

[Dawson]

I want that to be stricken from the record right now.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay?

[Dawson]

No, I was. I had. The first time I danced was girl that had, like, hips that kind of linked up in My head. So I couldn't really dance with a girl for years and, like, touch her. So we were dancing as some fast dance, and then it started being like, hello from, you know, Lionel Richie comes on. We start slow dancing, and I. My hands hit her hips and, you know, wedding pants don't keep you down.

[Adam Carolla]

They just. Yeah.

[Dawson]

And I didn't. My mother's behind me, her mother. They're both looking at us like, how cute are these two? And I had to tell her I made the decision because I figured she already probably knew. Anyway, I said, you got to help me off the floor. I can't. I can't walk back to my mother with this. And God bless her, she. She laughed and she was cool about it, but that was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, pleats don't help the boner.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They accentuated.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah. And when you're pointed down. Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, down. No. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Snuffle up. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The only way. The only good way to kill a boner is to go up and tuck it in your waistband special, you know? That'll kill it.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I'm glad. That's what I do. That'll work.

[Adam Carolla]

But you can't do that without a move. You know what I mean? You can't have your hands on your hips. I don't care how well your is trained. Nobody can train their dick to go up and tuck itself into its own waistband. You got to make a move.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah. And it's. You got to make it fast, and you have to swivel it up around sleight of hand.

[Adam Carolla]

And you got to go inside the pants to make that move.

[Dawson]

I think you got to go deep down under your cock. And it takes a good. If you can do it in like half a second, you're doing. You're doing good.

[Adam Carolla]

There should be a competition like they do with cup stacking. You know what I mean? Stacking.

[Dawson]

Yeah. It's an important thing to be able to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Because when it's down, it just keeps pushing up.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah. You just straight out.

[Adam Carolla]

It works. It exacerbates it. And. Yeah. Slacks with pleats, you could knock over an ashtray.

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's bad. But you admitted it to the girl.

[Dawson]

I had to. Because I couldn't end this dance and walk back to my mother. She had to get me off the. The dance floor, cross the floor, and sit down with me. I couldn't walk around without her protection, so I had to let her know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You guys grew up in civility. Because all. Every high school dance, junior high Dance was just me rubbing my boner on some black girl. Yeah. Every time. Every time. That was just it. It was me dancing like that was it. Dancing with the Boner was standard at my high school, and she wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Did black chicks like the bone?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. There's even a song about it, like, Little Poke coming through on you. I'm telling you, it's a thing. It's cultural.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Well, who. Who sung a Little Poke song?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't know. Look it up. This is a song with you. Never listen to the lyrics of this song. You've heard this song. But it's a standard. Yeah, there's a standard. Like, I don't know. They play the song all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Too close By Next. Too Close By Next is about your boner rubbing against a black chick.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I can't believe I'm sharing this with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dawson]

I need a woman to say whether they like that or. Because I could see women not liking at all. Even if you like the guy, that might be.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

There's a whole line of her singing back.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Oh, I know. You failed it. You've never. You've heard this song.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see, what year is this from?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm gonna guess, like 95, 93, 96. All right. Seven about. Yeah. Hold up. Here's the lyrics for you. You know what you're doing, don't you?

[Adam Carolla]

You making it hard for me. All the song song you requested. You dance alike a naked it. Oh, it's almost like we're sex. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Boo. I like it, but I know you can tell I'm excited.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, I know you can tell I'm excited.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you can tell I'm excited. Yeah.

[Dawson]

That whole song is about him getting a boner.

[Adam Carolla]

Teenage boner. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Now, girl, I know you. You felt it. Oh, you know I can't felt it. You're making it hard for me. Oh, that's the next one.

[Adam Carolla]

Baby. You know I know you felt it. Yes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm telling you later. He says, look, you're making it hard for me, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

I wrote one about farting. I was like, baby, I know you smelled it. That's because I dealt it.

[Dawson]

I feel a little poke coming through on you.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's right. I'm so happy to share this with you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a. That is a boner song.

[Dawson]

I like that. You do? I like that you know the words.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Of the song, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I sang, Would they play this at the prom?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. This is. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel like this is Age appropriate for anyone. Wow.

[Dawson]

You don't slow dance anymore. When you get older, a certain age, you stop slow dance.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Or you do, like, you have to go to classes and. Or be on Dancing with the Stars in order to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. By the time I did Dancing with the Stars, my boner was in check. My boner see better days.

[Dawson]

Adam, when did you. When did you start having to earn your boners? Because there's an age where, you know, you talk about the unearned boner.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dawson]

What is that? Late 30s?

[Adam Carolla]

We.

[Dawson]

We start having to earn all of them.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the earning of the boner starts when you stop waking up with a boner, which is. Waking up with a boner was 100% from, you know, 13 to 35. And then at some point, it became intermittent boner. Like, oh, you wake up one day and because you slept away, and then that gives way to never, never boner. With the occasional, it's only because I have to piss so bad, I have a boner boner. Right. But then you start, we're now in earn your boner territory. We're now in earn your boner territory. We're no longer in the woke up with the boner. Yeah, I know, but it's really. I think the way nature, God planned it is it dovetails nicely, just sort of in general with your overall will to live. You know what I mean? Like, when you woke up every day with a boner, it was like a metaphor. Like, I'm gonna life in the ass. It's all out in front of me. I'm gonna get behind life. I'm gonna hit it. I'm gonna hit it doggy style. I'm gonna come on life's back. And now it's like, I just see if I can get through the day without fucking up my back. You know what I mean? Like, it. It. It. It's a general. You know, waking up with a boner is very proactive. Like, it is a sort of carpe diem. You know what I mean? Like a carpe boner. Like, seize the day. Now you kind of wake up and you go, I hope nothing bad happens. You know what I mean? Versus I'm gonna take on city hall, or I'm gonna write the next great American novel. Or, like, you know, that's boner related.

[Dawson]

It's visual. You can just look down and see your. Your zest for life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can see where you're at.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Economic indicator.

[Adam Carolla]

I always had sundial. I had a. People always talk about chubb but as a. You know, you had sort of limp and then you had boner, and then you had, like, chubbed up, and then you had a phase that I called, like, gym dick, where you just get a little going to make your way through the gym so you're not judged. You know what I mean? And also, I would draw a distinction when guys go, like, you have a big, big. I go, no, but I got a good gym dick. Like, I look pretty good in the gym. You think there's more to it than there actually is?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I like, fluff like a hotel pillow. I got it.

[Dawson]

I can honestly say I never, like, fluffed to walk through a gym in my life. I didn't know I was supposed to do that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know what, bud? We got a lot to talk about.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so. Well, I. I used to say, that guy's got a good gym dick, which just meant it had a good hang. And then the other guy be like, I'm a. I'm a grow, not a show or whatever, which is he saying, I got a bad gym dick. But it converts, you know, all it does. It steps in that phone booth and Superman comes out, you know? Then I used to say this, but this is only because I was a ceramics major in high school. In high school, when I was a ceramics major, you didn't think it was possible, but I was, because they basically came to me and they were like, you gotta declare a major. And I was like, I'm failing every class. And they're like, well, you gotta pick a major. And I'm like, well, there's no class that I do well in, so how could I say I'm a major and be getting a D minus in what I'm majoring in? And I go, the only class I'm not really failing is ceramics. So I was like, can you be a ceramics major? And they're like, well, we're just warehousing you, so why not? We'll just write in ceramics. And I became a ceramics major even though it meant nothing, because there's no such thing as a job working in ceramics. But I was a ceramics major, which meant I had, like, two or three ceramics classes each semester, which, of course, pay dividends now. I mean, you need an ashtray, coil pot, slab pot, pinch pot. Kyle, before you go out and spend a lot of money on a pinch pot, a coil pot, or a slab pot, give me a bus. I'll fucking hook you up.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Dinner plate.

[Dawson]

I love that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they didn't let us work the wheel that often. So we're doing a lot of, really, a lot of coil pots and slab pots. But there used to be a thing that when your clay got a little dried out and not as malleable as you needed it to be to make the aforementioned coil pot, they would call it the leather phase. It meant it got, like, hardened up a little. Like you could. You could work with it, but it was leather. And so I would always go like, like go like chicks hot. I got leather right now. But that, but that's pre boner.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah, you're working leather.

[Adam Carolla]

Leather is my chub. Is my chub phase. And then I realized leather worked as a metaphor because I used to say it all the time. Like, I'm not limp. I don't got a boner. I just got leather down there. And everyone would go, yeah, yeah, I. Me too. Or something. You didn't take ceramics at North Olive High, but somehow leather was a. Was a. Was a vivid enough picture to paint a dick that had a little blood in it. The leather phase. You know what I mean?

[Dawson]

Little leather going, all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Get a little leather.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I can make a baseball glove out of my cock.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. Should we take a break? Should we come back? Should we do some news with Kyle and Mayhem? And we'll do that right after this. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location, it's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in depth, I'm talking about deep. That's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know, all in one place. Homes.com. homes.com. We've done your homework.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jewish on the Adam Carolla show. Dateline, Hollywood, Florida. A 29 year old mother from Oklahoma was charged with child neglect after she left her infants in the lobby of the Hard Rock Casino on Christmas. Definitely not a Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

Kyle Dungan's here. I Was sitting at a restaurant in Malibu eating brunch with my buck slip on the table, writing down thoughts about what I might want to talk about when I come back to the show. And I wrote down, in the new year, I would like to see if I could go three days without hearing Fleetwood Mac. I went three days. I want to see if I can string together not three separate days, like, oh, one day in March and then he did another day in June. Three days. I'd like to go three days without listening to Fleetwood Mac. Three days. As I wrote that down, I sat back and a fucking Fleetwood Mac song came on in this restaurant. And then I realized, it's undoable. You cannot not. Not here. Fleetwood Mac for three days in this modern society. Maybe if you went back to the 1800s or something like that, maybe if you zoomed ahead a thousand years in the future, you cannot escape Fleetwood Mac. You. You know why? Because you're going to be at an airport lounge, you're going to be at a bar, you're going to be at a restaurant, you're going to be walking through some mall or something. You're going to get in the back of an Uber. You can't go three days. I've not gone three days as an adult without hearing Fleetwood Mac. And I fucking hate Fleetwood Mac. I don't like them. I don't want to hear. Stop thinking about tomorrow. There's like 11 of their songs I never want to fucking hear again. I literally just wrote it down. And within two minutes of Fleetwood Mac song came out. Forget about one. Three days. I didn't make it. Hour one of not hearing the cyber.

[Dawson]

Truck killed himself because he couldn't get away from.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what happened to that guy?

[Dawson]

Yeah, that's the final story.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He's in his manifesto.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you guys. Are you guys with me on, like, it's just everywhere all the time.

[Dawson]

It's a. I'm gonna look out for it now.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a trend now for young girls that are like Gen Z to have found Fleetwood Mac. Silver Spring is like the song of 21 year old girls right now. That's like a trend. So fucking done with Fleetwood Mac. First off, Fleetwood Mac was never good. That's. That's the thing. They're good bands with good band members. They're sort of. They would. You know what? You know what? You know, one time they would both be disgusted. I'm going to find the members of Fleetwood Mac. One time I said to my sister, you kind of remind me of mom. And she went like, oh, my God. Like, she was fucking devastated. She was, like, devastated. I was like, did you have certain characteristics? And she was fucking devastating. I would like to find the members of Fleetwood Mac and the members of the Eagles and go, you guys are the same band. And they would both be pissed. They'd both be pissed. You write tons of fucking songs that we never needed to ever hear, and they fucking repeat him ad nauseam. We have to hear your fucking mediocre fours and fives of songs over that become anthems to our lives. You both fucking suck. And we have to be exposed to both of you. And the Fleetwood Mac would be totally pissed off that you compare them to the Eagles, and the Eagles would be totally pissed off that you compare them to Fleetwood Mac. But you guys are the same. You write mediocre, repetitive songs that nobody needs to hear with a sprinkling of good songs. You're good musicians, your good live bands, so on. You're exactly the same. You just have tons of shit songs. And we get beat over the head with both you asshole bands. You can't go three days without hearing the Eagles or Fleetwood Mac in this society. You can't do it. But it's always going to be another Tequila Sunrise. Okay, okay. All right. Flebenwack has. And I think they both have the same number of shit songs that I hate. They both have, like, nine songs that I fucking hate. On Just Repetition. Just Never Stop now, by the way, songs you never have to hear again. If you lived a thousand lives, you would never need to hear Rihanna ever again.

[Dawson]

Where are you on the Fleetwood Mac clock? Like, when's a day and a half? Like, yeah, you know when the last time you heard a Fleetwood Mac song? Just.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's been. It's been about. It's been 27 and a half hours now. If I sequester myself, like, if I just go home and lock myself in the trunk of my car in the garage, I can probably avoid it. But that's not the game. The game is you have to go out, you have to go to dinner, you have to go to the airport, you have to go to the bar, you have to go to the mall. You have to go. And then you will not. Okay? If you take Fleetwood Mac and you combine them with the Eagles, it's undoable. It's undoable that you go three days in modern society without hearing one of those shit bands and their mediocre fucking song catalog.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

So say ISIS kidnaps Adam Carolla. That'd be a step up in the Back of a van, drives him to a safe house, dumps you in there with a blindfold on, puts speakers up against. What song do they play to extract the confession out of you and new information? What song do they repeatedly play by Fleetwood Mac just to break you and finally make you give up?

[Adam Carolla]

I think Rihanna would do it. Don't stop thinking about. Don't stop thinking about Tomorrow is the same as seven Eagle songs. They're just shit songs that never needed to be written. They didn't need to be written. They're not good. There's nothing interesting about them. Oh, my God. I told my son, Dawson. Proko harem. Yep. Conquistador. The fucking live version with the full orchestra. The full orchestra. Now, you'll never hear Conquistador by Proko Haram, but you will hear Rihanna and Tequila Sunrise and over and over and over and over again. But I wrote my son, who likes interesting music. I was like, wider shade of. Of wider shade of pale. People know Proko harem, but they forget Conquistador by Proko Harem.

[Dawson]

I'm going to keep track. I'm going to see if I. I'm going to keep track now. See if I notice this.

[Adam Carolla]

If you add. If you add the Fleetwood Mac. If you add the Eagles.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I'm going to go.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you want to go for the hat trick. Yeah. Who's the third hall of notes now what I'll do what I'll do. If you're. If you're betting with me, I'll tease it down. I'll tease it down to 40 hours. If we add hall and oats, you can do a teaser with me.

[Dawson]

I'm not really going out much. I mean, I'm going out tomorrow or Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

With Mac concert.

[Dawson]

I'll give you three days. I bet I don't hear. I'll give you. I'll give you till Thursday. I. I bet you. I'll bet you $5 I don't hear any hollow notes. Fluid Mac or Eagles. I am going to.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll give you a bonus. I'll give you $10,000 if you hear Frocal harems. Conquistador. This is them live with the Philharmonic. Remember this one, Dawson? But does Kyle know it? Just something interesting, something different. Something that's not Fleetwood Mac. Something to find. I can see. No. You know this one, Joe. Sits upon your silver she and in your rusty scabbard now the Santa's taken se. I know your jewel and crusty. Oh, wait. Are the band kicks in, man. Got a guy with a trumpet It's a whole still harmonic. You can watch it on YouTube.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Is it song about a boner?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a boner. I was like, no, I was cleansing all the Fleetwood Mac from my system listening to Conquistador live. Listen to this part. All right. Oh, God. Why can't we hear interesting music? Why?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, you know, I was thinking about this the whole time we were saying that. You're naming these guys. It's just like, they're good, they're not great, they're not bad, they're not risky. They're not taking risk.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Exactly. But most people are not interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so, Kyle, you want to tease. You want to add hall of notes and tease it down to 40 hours? I can do that.

[Dawson]

Yeah. I don't. I don't think it's gonna happen. And I'll. I'll have whole notes. I'll. I'll really listen, too. And I. I won't. And I'll be honest. If I hear them, I'll let you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you going out to?

[Dawson]

Well, I'm going. I got Joe's Pub on Tuesday night here in New. New York City. They'll probably crank in some music there. I'm driving my own car.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

[Dawson]

So I'm not going to get it there. I'm going to the airport on Thursday. That's going to be a rough day for me. You're going to take Thursday? I can't give you that. Too good of odds if you're going to take Thursday.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, like I said, we'll talk off there. If you want to tease it down, you tell me.

[Dawson]

Yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Let's do some news.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Let's do some news. Hey, it's not a conspiracy. Apple has agreed to pay $95 million settlement to settle class action lawsuit alleges private communication by former current or former users of device carrying the Siri virtual assistant were recorded by the tech giant.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and who is Siri? Apple.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Siri is Apple. It's the personal assistant. Now, what happened was that even when the people don't say, hey, Siri. The conversations were being recorded.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Let's see if series worth listening to. Ask them the best Fleetwood Mac song. Ask them the best. Ask the best Eagle song. I want to see what Siri.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Hey, Siri.

[Adam Carolla]

Would say.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

What's the best Eagle song?

[Adam Carolla]

The Eagles best song is Hotel California, the title track to their 1976 Magnum. All right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Hotel California.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the best. What is the best Fleetwood Max on Ask here.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Hey, Siri, what's the best Fleetwood Max song.

[Adam Carolla]

We've had a problem. Please try again.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, see, they had a.

[Dawson]

Hey, Siri, what does having leather mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Leather is a material that is made from animal skin that has been chemically treated to preserve it. It.

[Dawson]

Yeah, a bunch of I got too many series happening.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus. So it won't tell you that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Siri. Hey, Siri, what's the best Fleetwood Mac song?

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, something's gone wrong.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Nobody likes Fleetwood Mac.

[Dawson]

What's the best Fleetwood Max song?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want me to use ChatGPT?

[Dawson]

Yes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Many consider landslide and go your own.

[Adam Carolla]

Way to be among Fleetwood Mac's best songs. All right. It's better. Better than Rihanna and Tusk. Ask the best. What is. What is the best hall and oats song? And if it says man eater, I'm gonna drive the studio right off a cliff.

[Dawson]

Theory. Use chatgpt. What's the best hall and oats song?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's an answer from Chat GPT.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I just gave you a write out.

[Dawson]

You make my dreams come true.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a ditty. It's a Diddy. It's a ditty. It should be Sarah smile, by the way. All right. Sorry. News.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, yeah. So, Siri. Yeah. This $95 million. I wonder if I'm in on this. This because I've had Apple forever and always have Siri on. I'm not sure. I'm going to check with my lawyer.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to get in on a class action lawsuit. All right. That's my dream.

[Dawson]

How do we get that money?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Exactly. Yeah. It doesn't stay in this story how to get the money, but the proposed settlement filing, which reviewed by People magazine, Apple agreed to pay you 95 million into a settlement fund.

[Adam Carolla]

I got two dreams. One is I want to get involved with a class action lawsuit and get paid. And the other is I want to drive that truck with a flag on it that says, why load behind the wide load? And that's all.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm doing such a good job.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a great gig, right?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Just listen to the radio hauling oats.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen to air conditioning blasting.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

You just driving 40 miles an hour. All you gotta do is stay like 60ft away from the double wide in front of you and you're fine. Yeah, It's a sweet gig.

[Dawson]

Good deal.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

In other news, Biden holds a final medal of freedom ceremony honoring Hillary Clinton. Mono and more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, he fucking. He gave one to George Soros. Who's the guy who's just funding all the horrible DAs that are ruining all the cities? It's a weird. Soros is a weird. Yeah, that's a change for that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, I think that was more of trolling the right, isn't it? Because George Soros is behind all the conspiracies of, I don't know, voter fraud or some. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I always hear he funds all the progressive DAs that then ruin the cities, then we then have to go get rid of so we can get the city back from the criminals. But he funds their campaign so they win. So at least we get four years of horrible DA's and then at some point. But he's a kajillionaire who made his bones devaluing, I think the pound or some foreign currency and fucked everyone over. He's basically a fucking. As long as there's George Soros, you can't say so if you're on the left, you can't say shit about Elon Musk as long as you're sucking George Soros dick. Cuz whatever you say about Elon Musk, that is George Soros, except for George Soros destroys shit. And Elon Musk builds rockets and shit tunnels.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Is that Magic Johnson in that picture?

[Adam Carolla]

Magic Johnson, got it. Bill Nye, the Science Guy. Yeah, and couple other.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Also.

[Adam Carolla]

Ralph. Ralph Lauren.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yes. Yeah.

[Dawson]

I can't have them all be white guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Lionel Messi. Got it. Oh, Jane Goodall.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, that's correct. Yeah. Yeah, Jane Goodall. And also Mitt Romney's father, posthumously. And Robert F. Kennedy, posthumously.

[Dawson]

Oh, Michael J. Fox. There he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, Michael J. Fox got it too.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah, it was.

[Dawson]

Yeah, it was a very strange potpourri right there.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Exactly. Big group of people. Different. Yeah, Magic Johnson got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And then it was. I don't know. I don't know your thoughts about that. I don't know what the point exactly in giving the nation's highest civilian honor to all these people were other than sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, it's like the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Soon as they let in Chaka Khan, it's fucking ruined. For everybody who's in a rock band, it's ruined. I tweeted out I am getting a Hollywood Walk of Fame star, which now means that's been ruined for everyone who came before me. Sorry estate of Clark Gable, but you're fucked. You know what I mean? I'm serious about it. This is all null and void to everyone who came before me.

[Dawson]

That's cool, you're getting one. I didn't know that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I don't look at it as me Getting one. I look at it as devaluing the currency of it.

[Dawson]

Oh, right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? It's now worthless.

[Dawson]

They're printing more.

[Adam Carolla]

I got one. So now it's worthless to all Betty Grable and, you know, all. All the moguls, and WC Fields. Sorry, sorry. Surviving family members. It's been devalued. But like I said, that's what happened with the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. When they started letting in, you know, Joan, Chad or other fucking talentless hacks. And then when they started getting to affirmative action and letting all those people in, it's just, who cares anymore? So once, you know, once George Soros and Bill Nye has it, then it really doesn't mean anything anymore. That's where we're at now.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, looks like it. Well, well, in other celebrity news, there's the celebrity, the list of celebrities who lost the most followers in 2024, and the controversies here. The top of the list was Lizzo, the infamous fat rapper.

[Adam Carolla]

She lost him.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

She lost the most.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the celebrity that lost the most followers in the last few years is Jesus Christ. Yes. He's the ultimate celebrity. And a lot of his flock has drifted away.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you really did it times millions, you know, not.

[Dawson]

The algorithm doesn't like, like what he's putting out.

[Adam Carolla]

No. So Lizzo lost the most.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, she lost the mo. Like, 7%. About 6.7%. But funnily enough, 84, 000 people just left, I guess, because, you know, she was.

[Adam Carolla]

She was missed. Yeah. Let's listen, everybody. Here's the new algorithm. Anybody that talks about being kind or having a good headspace or really taking care of other human beings or something treats their backup singers and dancers horribly. The ones that are constantly talking about this and being kind to animals and rescues and stuff are fucking horrible to work with. There's some thing. And I've been really thinking about this, like, everyone is talking about, you have to get into a headspace where you're in a kind headspace and you have to learn to love yourself. They're always the worst fucking people in the world. They're telling you I'm a horrible person by explaining that they learn to love themselves and to be kind and not to judge and all this other bullshit. Normal people that are nice to people or treat people decently, they don't talk about. They don't say anything. Like, the biggest liars in the world. Like, every time. Every time Joe Biden told a lie. He's a true story, man. True Story. Popcorn came up to me at the swimming pool with the black people in. It's like, okay, you say true story and that means whatever comes after it is a lie. People never lie. Don't go, believe me. True story, true story. I don't say that. I just say, here's what happened. You know what I'm saying? And all the fucking, be kind to everybody and treat yourself well and all. They're all the worst. There's something going on. So Lizzo's one of those people, I.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Think that people like that kind of give themselves an out. I can be mean to these people because I'm so nice over here.

[Adam Carolla]

I think what it is is they're thinking about it. Like, I don't need to think about being honest or being fair or being decent or something. That's a default setting. I'm not like thinking about like, hey, truth. Hey, I wouldn't lie. Come on now. True story, man. Like, come on. True story. Come on, for real. That's someone who lies a lot.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The people who never lie never say, I'm being serious. Like, this is true. I'm not lying right now or I'm being kind. It should just be a default setting to be decent.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Also on the list was Jack Harlow, who was down 6.4%. Yeah, he was the rapper who came out with what's poppin back in 2020. And he just.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that that boner dance song? What's poppin my cock? I got some leather in your ass? Yeah, yeah, he's a white rapper.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

White rapper, yeah. He was real popular a couple years ago where he, you know, he had a New Balance sneaker deal. And.

[Adam Carolla]

And why is he downed?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know, it doesn't really say. I guess because he was accused of having homophobic lyrics. And one of his Kanye west song that was leaked called Louis Bags where he said that if his fellow rapper lil Nas X, who's gay, said that he'd fuck him if I let him. So I don't know, he got in some weird gay trap.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how weird. You know what's a weird thing that I don't think humans would be are supposed to contemplate or process. There's going to be like. If you did radio, they had these people meters to tell you how popular were. And they had the. Before that, if you had a TV show that the Nielsen box and all that kind of stuff. And then. Dawson, what was the other diary? Arbitron.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In Arbitron, it was called a book.

[Adam Carolla]

A book. A Diary and stuff. And you'd get reports and the reports would be like, you guys are number seven in Los Angeles and you were beating the Baker Boys last book, but now you slid down three places and you're behind Boomer and Sludge now and like, like you're getting a number assigned to your life essentially. You know, like you guys are way out, way getting fucked in the demo, you know, your late night shows, not getting half of what Jon Stewart is in the demo. You know, you gotta walk around with a bunch of numbers over your head, right? And that's kind of the business. And then if you went and you started a business, then you'd be down 10% this quarter from last year. You know, this quarter. Last year you'd be up, you'd be down. But there's like numbers, numbers, numbers. But now with all the Facebook and tweet and X, every human being just has a personal number. You're almost like a corporation or a commodity and you're down. You know what I mean? You lost followers. Look, you may work at a bakery and have had 31 followers on Facebook and now you wake up and you have 21 followers on Facebook because you're still bummed out. But that's like a personal, everyone's getting assigned like a personal digital number. And I say, good, bitches, see how it feels. Because there's nothing fucking worse than when your program director would like come in after the show and go, we just got the book out. We got the Arbitron book out and you guys slid down, you know, like, what's going on? We're now there, right?

[Dawson]

Y views, clicks, like personal likes, whatever subsets of stuff. Yeah, like likes and comments and all that.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was kind of, it was always, it was always kind of a bummer when they were like, you guys crushed it in the last book. You know, you're number three in Los Angeles and you went from number five to number three in the last book. And then the shit would come out two months later and be like, you slid down to 27th. You're behind a Christian Spanish station that plays calypso music. You go, what the fuck? How do we slide down 19 spots? But it was always a thing that they were hanging over your head all the time under your number, your number.

[Dawson]

You know, who doesn't seem to slide down, but I think he should. He was so propped up. Up he. Have you seen Jamie Fox's new Netflix special?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've seen some of it, yes.

[Dawson]

Oh, I, I, I, I. He is such A narcissist.

[Adam Carolla]

He.

[Dawson]

It's like an insane. I found that special like in like watching an insane person. Then he brought his daughter out to play the guitar and she's playing it fine, you know, she's a kid, whatever. And he's behind her going like, play girl, show him your talent. Like interrupting her. It was like an insane hour.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's break this. Let's break this down. First off, Dawson or whoever's back there, find me. From the first feature, the first movie, Planet of the Apes. Jamie Foxx dresses like an extra from the Planet of the Apes. When you see what he's wearing, I feel bad for all black male comedians because Eddie Murphy did his special and they all worship at the altar of raw, right? They all worship every black comedian between the age of 32 and 55. Just go, Eddie Murphy, man. And Eddie Murphy came out there in leather pants, a leather jacket, leather gloves, like leather, leather, leather. Which is the worst thing you can wear when you do stand up like you want to. You want to be all fucking Pima cotton all the time, whatever. Oprah makes her sheets out if that's what you want to be wearing. Leather and no undershirt. And now you see black stand up comedians and they get up there, it's like Eddie fucking Murray wore leather. And now you're up there and you're just sweating your fucking ass off in this full leather. I mean, you know what it feels like to put a leather jacket on with no shirt underneath it and leather pants on with nothing underneath it and leather boots. You gotta dress like fucking Prince on a date.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then go up there for 80 minutes and do sweat your ass off. Fucking horrible. I was uncomfortable, not because of the content, but from watching what Jamie. Jamie was wearing a leather, flesh colored leather toga top like Planet of the Apes with no undershirt.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Dr. Zayn.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a weird feeling. Like the feeling of someone sweating on leather with no undershirt watching thing. Now I will say this. Somebody Google me, right? I'll say this, Kyle. And I think it's a thing.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think comedians, first off, I don't want to, I don't want to see another fucking special where the guy goes out there and he goes, hey, Chicago, how you feeling? You know, everyone's like, woo. And then they go, I got a new suit. What do you think? And everyone's like, woo. It's like, okay, I don't want to sound like an asshole, but it's like, just get to the fucking comedy. We get Here in Chicago, you're looking good. Look, ladies do it all the time. Hey, am I looking good? Woo. No, you look a little husky. Really? You look kind of fat. But. But all right. It's like this, this thing. If Fortune Feimster gets up there and she's a lesbian, she goes, I married a woman. Everyone, you just sit back and everyone just starts, woo, you know, we're married. You know what I mean? I don't go up there and go, hey, Chicago, I adopted a retarded kid.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm sitting right here. No, what the fuck?

[Dawson]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you got to give me the full top and bottom though, with, with. With Jamie. With Jamie Foxx because he, he wore the leather pants and the. There's no. You know, it's good. It's a good thing, Kyle, as a white comedian that, like George Carlin didn't do one of his specials in burlap, you know what I mean? And we'd have to go, fuck.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got.

[Adam Carolla]

I fucking love Carlin, dude. He did that special 79 in burlap with no undershirt. I would rather do a standup special wearing a burlap suit with no undershirt than a full Naga Hyde potato pants. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh my God.

[Dawson]

It was an hour of how he was in the hospital and how God saved him. And then. Can I. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I defend him?

[Dawson]

No. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're right. I don't have anything to say unless he's an amazingly talented person. He's a good actor and a great actor. But here's the thing too, that like I learned when I played University of Austin with Dr. Drew a million years ago, you play this 5,000 seat venue, it's all Austin, University of Austin. And if you ever run into a little lull or snafu or dry spot, you just yell, hook em horns. And the whole place just goes. They'll go nuts right there. Just go, you know, you got this crazed black audience, right? And all you gotta, you know, you can just get out there and go, what do you think of this suit? And they'll all go nuts. And they go, I love my daughter nuts. And they go, I love Jesus Christ. They go nuts. And then you can get real serious and morose and go, I almost died. And then they'll go, but I'm back, you know? And then they'll go nuts. So you get like, like, Kyle, you got no tricks in your magic hat. You have to go be funny for the whole show. You can't fall back on. Am I right, ladies? Or any of that I don't know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I heard the crowd at Soul Joel's is pretty good with that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we got our second side by side. Let's see if we can work this.

[Dawson]

Yeah, it's. I. As long as it was like. If it was titled, like, my story of Almost dying. If it. So it's this standup special.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Where do you get this outfit?

[Adam Carolla]

You get it from the back lot at Universal where they film. All right, now I need better. I need Planet of the Apes guy standing up and I need full length plan of the Apes standing up.

[Dawson]

Oh, wow. I apes guy with glasses on.

[Adam Carolla]

Shapes. Yeah. And a big. Yeah.

[Dawson]

So this is a very basic.

[Adam Carolla]

But I still need full length jammy where we can see the boots.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Was he wearing the same boots with the toes?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. He's dressed like he was an extra in Planet of the Apes. It's not a racial thing, it's an outfit thing. All right, so that bothered me. But yes, he just. It was just this thing where you. I agree with you, Kyle, that you're like, can we get to the jokes and stop weaving in? Which is more and more with standup comedians of all stripes now where they start weaving in some inspirational shit. And I don't like it. I'm just like, fucking bring the jokes, do the jokes and stop with. You're not Tony Robbins and this isn't a TED Talk. And I don't want an inspirational tale. I just want you to fucking be funny. Do Ray Charles House. Right, right, exactly.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

So you're not.

[Dawson]

Call it something else.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. You're not going to put inspirational stuff in your standup. I was thinking you could do it. Thinking you could pull it off.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Dawson]

I also don't believe the crying so much on stage when you're doing a special, like you've already processed. Those things happen. I don't know, maybe I'm being cynical, but just feels like fake pandering and trying to get reactions from an audience by, you know, pulling on their heartstrings.

[Adam Carolla]

I couldn't watch because of the sweat in the leather. And I know people kind of go like, well, who cares? But, you know, like when you eat dinner with someone and they got a piece of broccoli, like, stuck to their tooth and it fucks you up.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it was like. Watching him do standup in an all leather outfit with no undergarments on. And the boots, big leather boots also. I don't know, I didn't find it attractive. Like, it wasn't becoming. It wasn't flattering. You know, there it was.

[Dawson]

So basically, you could see. It's so basically cut that. A very. A very simple seamstress could have put that together. You know, that was thousands of dollars, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dawson]

It's just a basic.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He's sweating his ass off.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, of course. Try to do standing. Stand up. Eddie Murphy cursed every black comedian because they all went leather. I think Martin Lawrence went leather. If you check me, all brothers when they do stand up, based on Eddie Murphy. Now I'll go out there clad in leather and then sweat their fucking ass off under those hot lights.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I remember that Special where Patrice O'Neal.

[Adam Carolla]

Just passed out too much leather for the brothers.

[Dawson]

Amy Schumer did that. Her. It was called her leather special. It was actually called that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? She named it after my dick in high school. Leather special. Yeah. I'm telling you, it's Eddie Murphy. That was their. That was the first special they saw. And they all saw him and they went, I want to be like, I want to do that. And now it's time for you and you go, give me the leather, bitch.

[Dawson]

It's like politicians do. Kennedy did this when he talked. Now, all politicians do this thing with their hand, right? They talk. They make that hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. You got to go 100% cotton. Although if you're black comedian in your special is called 100% cotton. That name raised, but also if you name it extra from Planet of the Apes, I think it also might upset some of the executives over at Netflix.

[Dawson]

A lot of landmines.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna have to sort this one out, Kyle.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We need time now. It's been 40 minutes. Have you heard of Fleetwood Max song?

[Dawson]

No, not yet. I have. What, 40 hours?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, 39.

[Adam Carolla]

You teased it down with hall notes.

[Dawson]

Okay. Yeah, and I'm not. We're not getting to the airport.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, how are you getting to the airport?

[Dawson]

Ooh, I'm Ubering.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, not so much in the Uber. I found it to be more in the airport. Like, you can't get through Burbank airport because all they do is play shitty, shitty 80s hits. You won't get through there. All right, well, again, you're on the clock. Report back to me.

[Dawson]

Okay, I will.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do. Let's see. Let's do one more Mayhem.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Ah, there's the last story here. The Seahawks Fox prank rookie Byron Murphy II with the outrageous dinner bill. Yeah, they did the classic prank on the guy. The actual dinner bill was 38 grand, but they jacked it up and made it look like it was $155,000. Yeah. And Murphy's reaction said it all.

[Adam Carolla]

They do this. We used to do this with James Baby Doll Dixon. Oh, you have a clip? I don't know. We had a clip of this.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Dawson]

Wait a minute.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, look at his face. His eyes bug out of his head.

[Adam Carolla]

His friends look on unconcerned and they're at an Applebee's. Yeah, exactly.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

His mouth, his face. His mouth is a gape and his face is frozen. He can't believe it. And his. Wow.

[Dawson]

Wait a minute. How does that happen? How many people did he.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there 10 or 10 seconds? It looks like there's 12 or whatever. I don't know if it's the whole team.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the better prank would be to like pay some middle aged white guy to walk over there and go, say, fellas, I'm trying to have a conversation with my daughter over here. So if you guys can kind of keep it down, if you don't mind. It's a nice restaurant. I'm not sure you fellas got in, but God bless you. I'm not sure what that hairstyle is called. I don't think it's a great idea to have the hood pulled up on the hoodie. I'm not saying you can't wear it, but we are indoors. But anyway, I'm having a conversation with my adult daughter over here and if we could just kind of tamp down the sounds, that would be awesome.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'd love to see you do that.

[Adam Carolla]

A showing of respect. Does anyone need any more pineapple soda over here or you. Okay, remember fellas, just keep it down. We're indoors now. Thank you.

[Dawson]

What does that guy make a year?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

$4 million. Yeah, he has got a four year contract over 16 million. You know, he's got some. Probably going to get some bonuses too for performance, but yeah, this guy is probably can handle it. He probably could handle it.

[Adam Carolla]

You have fellas like Jamie Foxx over here. Yeah. You seen the Special over there where he's dressed like a gosh darn Planet of the Apes? Whoa, whoa, fella, don't get aggressive. Don' I saw the special, fellas. No, I'm saying you go look, you gotta have cotton. It's about cotton. You pick that cotton, you put it on and you wear it out there on stage. Whoa, whoa. Okay, listen fella, don't make me call the manager. I don't know why you're getting aggressive. If the soda showed up yet, they don't have pineapple. Well, that's a fine. How do you do? Anyway, you see the Jamie Foxx special over there? He's up there. He's up dressed like the extra from the Planet of the Apes. Well, I'm not going to say Omega man, because that's a different movie. They didn't have folks that should kind of. Fella looked like you a little bit over there. Not today. All look alike. But I'm just. Look, I'm trying to have a conversation with my daughter over here, so we could just kind of tamp it down a little, just from the audio point. Okay. I'm a regular here. I haven't seen you fellas here before, but. Okay, okay. You fellas. My fellas. All right. Yeah, the real check was 38.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, $38,000. So, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, but can I say this? There's two schools of thought. One is there's the 20%, right?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the 20% comes to like, $7,850 worth of tip. Somebody can do that. But do 20% of 38,000, that's like 7,800 or something like that, right? Now, I know a lot of douchebags. I would be. The guy went, look, this fucking waiter. We were here for an hour and a half. Yeah, I'll give them fucking three grand. That'd be three grand for an hour and a half. Work. And they go, no, no, it's 20%. 20%?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. When does that stop?

[Dawson]

Yeah, 7,000 is 20%.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. This is a.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, right now it's like 7800 or something.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's a nice sedan. Brand new.

[Adam Carolla]

We're getting some funny numbers here. Here. The gratuity was 19.5%. Yeah, it'd be like 7,800. Oh, oh, the bill was 3,200. Sorry, 32,000. And they added the gratuity, which is 5,500, and at 19 and a half, but 19.5% should still be higher at 32,000 is what I'm saying, than five hundred and fifty.

[Dawson]

Six thousand four hundred.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If somebody worked it out on a calculator, I think you would see 19.5% of. Of 32,500 would be higher than. Oh, it's 6,500. All right. How was I ceramics? Married? How was I the dumbest person at North Hollywood high? What is 20% of 38K? That's the question. That's the real. Is it 78? 7,800?

[Dawson]

36,000, 7,600.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think it's higher? You guessing what is 20%?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Seven hundred and sixty.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, I was right. Seven hundred and sixty. 20% of 38,000 is 7,600.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I nailed that one.

[Adam Carolla]

You did nail that one.

[Dawson]

Done again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, except for you wouldn't have done it if I didn't get you in that vicinity.

[Dawson]

All you do is you. You move the decimal over 1, you double it. So you go 3.5 times 2. Because 3.5 would be 10%.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But what's the point? Like, the. The lawyer's gonna. I mean, the lawyer. The waiter's gonna buy a car. Like. I. I don't know. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, in my world, that waiter's uneducated. They do not have a field of expertise. They're not architects. They're not welders. They're not anything. And they work for an hour and a half, maybe two hours. You can have three grand. You don't need 5,500 bucks. And most of money spent on bottle service, Right? So you order a bottle of wine, that's $29 or one that's $2,900. What's the difference in terms of you walking it over the table and pulling the cork out? All right, Kyle Dunnigan, Joe's Pub, that's coming up January 7th, NYC. And then American Comedy Co in San Diego. That's January 9th through the 11th. And Soul Joel's, Pottstown, everybody.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I'm in Vermont, too, in Boston and Florida. I'm all over. Kyle dunnigan.com. four tickets.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna be doing standup over at Kimmel's Place in Vegas on Thursday.

[Dawson]

I'm doing that. I'm doing that three times this year. I'm doing, like a mini run there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, great.

[Dawson]

Not to trump your Vegas gig there, but when are you doing it?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing it this Thursday. 7:30, 9:30, Solana beach with Jay Moore coming up. That'll be January 19th. Two shows over there. Just go to AdamCroll.com for all the live shows. Until next time, is Adam Crawford, Mayhem Miller, and Kyle Dunnigan saying mahalo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get your tickets to see the Ace man at AdamCorola.com.