Lanha Turner on Intimacy with 800lb Ralphie May & Elaine Culotti on Eric Swalwell

Summary

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Adam Carolla Show: Lana Turner on Intimacy with 800lb Ralphie May & Elaine Culotti on Eric Swalwell

Date: April 20, 2026
Guests: Lana Turner (comedian, documentary filmmaker), Elaine Culotti (California gubernatorial candidate)
Host: Adam Carolla
News: Rudy Pavic

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into two engaging, high-energy conversations:

• Lana Turner joins Adam to discuss her new documentary on her late ex-husband, comedian Ralphie May. The conversation candidly covers the realities of living with (and loving) someone who weighed 800 pounds, addiction and its impact on relationships, and Turner's journey through comedy, hardship, and resilience.
• Elaine Culotti, a California gubernatorial candidate, provides an insider take on the political chaos following Eric Swalwell’s scandals, the shape of California's political landscape, and the strange priorities among current candidates. Both interviews are unfiltered, frank, and packed with storytelling and commentary.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Lana Turner on Ralphie May, Intimacy, and Addiction

(Main segment: 03:22 – 47:20)

Lana’s Relationship with Ralphie May

• Married for 10 years, together for 17 years
• Lana was attracted to Ralphie’s unique, magnetic personality and wit, not his physique.
• Ralphie was around 800 pounds when they met; Turner was not previously attracted to larger men.
  • “I'm not a chubby chaser... I wasn't like, ‘Ooh, another moped, let's ride that.’” – Lana Turner (06:53)

On the Complexities of Loving an Addict

• Ralphie’s struggles with weight and addiction were ongoing through their relationship and marriage.
  • “He was erratic. His behavior was erratic and not okay.” – Lana Turner (22:29)
• Addiction contributed to secrecy and trust issues; Lana describes how it led to emotional distance and eventual divorce.

Intimacy with an 800lb Partner

• Adam, true to style, asks the “awkward” question about physical intimacy.
  • “How does one be intimate with someone who's that size? I can never mathematically figure it out.” – Adam (29:13)
  • Lana candidly describes both the logistical and emotional challenges:
    • "Everything worked. But it just was not as comfortable for me... The entry point was, like, oral. And then that went on for a long time. And then, yeah, I mean, we were able to get pregnant..." (31:41)
  • Notable humor: “Fat guy eats. Yeah, that's a good point.” – Adam (31:53)

Financial & Legal Hardship after Ralphie's Death

• After Ralphie’s death, Lana was left in debt but eventually found stability by selling assets and starting a business around managing Ralphie’s content and building her own career.
• She discusses “Come What May”, her documentary, and the fight to regain Ralphie's material from rights holders.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “He had a bruise on his leg that never went away from that... from that fall[on Jimmy Kimmel].” – Lana (16:03)
• “My theory is women are attracted to guys doing what they want to do. There's something that's attractive about that to women.” – Adam (08:05)

Key Timestamps

• [03:22] – Lana Turner joins, origin of her name, her background
• [04:59] – Discussion of Ralphie's size and how she experienced meeting him
• [09:23] – On safety, trust, and the “celebrity effect” in dating
• [13:32] – Ralphie’s challenges with TV exposure, insurance, and the Jimmy Kimmel incident
• [22:20] – Divorce, addiction, and the realities of separation
• [29:13] – Adam directly asks about intimacy with someone Ralphie’s size
• [31:41] – Lana on physical intimacy, conception, and how they made it work
• [37:08] – Ralphie’s financial decline, single parenting, and legal struggles
• [45:10] – How Lana salvaged Ralphie’s legacy/content posthumously

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2. Hot Takes on California Politics: Elaine Culotti on Eric Swalwell and Gubernatorial Race

(Main segment: 77:10 – 95:11)

Swalwell’s Scandal & Political Fallout

• Culotti provides background on Eric Swalwell, referencing his connections to "mortgage fraud," his relationship with suspected Chinese spy Fang Fang, and his controversial political actions.
• The hypocrisy in standards for politicians: “You're a shitty, destructive politician...but we need somebody to accuse you of rape for you to quit.” – Adam (78:20)

Who’s Up Next for California?

• Tom Steyer is now the Democratic front-runner; described as “fucking nuts” for his policy mix: abolishing ICE, open borders, and free lunch programs.
  • “He legitimately got involved in for-profit prison; made $20 million out of Texas... but wants to get rid of ICE?” – Elaine (80:57)
• Lay of the land post-Swalwell: Steyer vs. Katie Porter vs. Hilton. Porter is criticized for her behavior (yelling at employees, subsidized housing, and walking out of interviews), while Steyer's policies are described as out of touch.
• Democratic Socialists’ rising influence: focused “movement to take California,” warned as being out of step even with mainstream Democrats.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "I'd rather have a dude who just grew up fucking skimboarding in Huntington Beach, by the way. I'm the dude. You want the dude from the Man Show." – Adam (61:49)
• “At the end of the day, if we don’t have a middle party in California, we can’t get out from underneath it.” – Elaine (83:40)

Key Timestamps

• [77:10] – Elaine Culotti joins, inside line on Swalwell
• [79:19] – Background on Tom Steyer’s policy contradictions
• [83:16] – Democratic Socialists’ growing role and implications
• [85:30] – Race landscape: Steyer, Porter, and Hilton
• [89:21] – Elaine goes into detail about Katie Porter's personal hypocrisy (housing, interview walkouts)
• [91:45] – Adam rails against populist grandstanding over Chase Bank’s personal finance advice

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Additional Segments & Notable Commentary

Comedians, Joke Theft, and Pop Culture

(54:19 – 56:26)

• Adam reflects on parallel thinking in comedy, using a joke about the Special Olympics as example, contrasting his decades-old material with a more recent Shane Gillis bit.

News Roundup with Rudy Pavic

(53:11 – 95:03)

• Topics include Joe Rogan’s endorsement of Spencer Pratt for LA Mayor, socialist trends in city government, and pop-culture reactions to Eric Swalwell scandal (featuring a Rosie O’Donnell clip).

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “I'm not a chubby chaser... I wasn't like, ‘Ooh, another moped, let's ride that.’” – Lana Turner [06:53]
• "Everything worked. But it just was not as comfortable for me...” – Lana Turner on intimacy [31:41]
• “My theory is women are attracted to guys doing what they want to do. There's something that's attractive about that to women.” – Adam Carolla [08:05]
• “You're a shitty, destructive politician...but we need somebody to accuse you of rape for you to quit.” – Adam Carolla [78:20]
• “At the end of the day, if we don’t have a middle party in California, we can’t get out from underneath it.” – Elaine Culotti [83:40]
• "I want people to ask follow up questions. I want them to be vetted. Joe Biden was not vetted. We thought we voted for something other than what we got.” – Adam Carolla [89:14]

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Where to Find More

• Lana Turner’s documentary: “Come What May” screenings info at comewhatmayfilm.com
• Elaine Culotti campaign: Culotti4California.com
• Adam Carolla live shows: adamcarolla.com

---

Summary

This unfiltered, highly candid episode of the Adam Carolla Show explores the raw reality of living with addiction, the resilience it demands, and how personal stories intertwine with larger social policies and political turmoil. From how love survives (or doesn’t) under weighty and secret burdens, to the exasperation with California’s political trajectory, listeners are treated to pointed humor, hard truths, and Carolla’s relentless pursuit of what’s real—no matter how inconvenient.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, Lana Turner comes in. She's got a doc about Ralphie May she was married to. Interesting revealing story. Also, Rudy's got the news and her old friend Elaine Culotti comes in, going to tell us all what's going on with all the governor talk and all that in California. That's all breaking. She's got the inside line. And we'll do that right after this. This is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. If you care about soccer, you care about moments. And the road to the 2026 World cup starts here this week as test matches get on their way as we host some of the biggest names in the sport. Betonline is where real soccer betting lives. Global markets, sharp odds and player props built for fans who follow more than just the headlines. Betonline gives you live betting and in game odds that shift with every goal, every car, every turning point as teams fight for their place on the world stage. Bet online keeps you locked into the action. From early qualification drama to final spots being claimed, it doesn't stop on the pitch. BetOnline casino and VIP rewards keeps the momentum going long. After the final whistle, the road is long. And this is where the story starts. Bet online the the game starts here.

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[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Lana Turner]

This is the mindset.

[Elaine Culotti]

Free.

[Lana Turner]

This is the mantra. Free.

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[Elaine Culotti]

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[Show Announcer]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Lana Turner and California gubernatorial candidate Lane Kilati.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus the news with Rudy Pavage.

[Show Announcer]

And now, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on. Got to get it on. The choice, but we got a man date. Get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. I love that about you. Lana Turner in studio. Feels weird to say that name fast, but I don't know if you're named after the Lana Turner, just something that's not intentional. Parents just like the name Lana.

[Lana Turner]

They liked the name Lana and they weren't worried about it. They spelled it different, so they put an H in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's academic now because no young person knows anything about anything ever. And I have these guys in my office and I just go, lana Turner. Anybody? Nope, nope. I go, not. Well, one guy, Andrew, he's an old soul, but nobody.

[Lana Turner]

But he actually knows me.

[Adam Carolla]

So no one under 30 knows the old, oh, 40s siren blonde bombshell.

[Lana Turner]

Lana Turner. Yeah, I'm the new Lana Turner.

[Adam Carolla]

So you do comedy and you play music and you now are doing a documentary about Ralphie May. You were married to Ralphie for how many years?

[Lana Turner]

We were married for about 10 years. We were together for 17 years.

[Adam Carolla]

17 years. A very moving doc. Ralphie was a complex guy who's. But funny and always sort of interesting. I guess some comedians can be a little bit boring.

[Lana Turner]

He's not boring. I said, not like now. He's still not boring. I'm still like, yeah, you're right. Nothing boring about, you know, that's what caught me with him. Like, I fell in love with him and it was a very unusual. Obviously an unusual couple.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, he was real big when you guys met, right?

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. You saw some of the film?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I saw quite a bit of it.

[Lana Turner]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. When we met, he was. He was £800.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he £800 when you met?

[Lana Turner]

And I did not know he was. I didn't look at him and go, you know, that looks like 800 pounds. I just, you know, I just.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he said he was 5:10 or something. Was he.

[Lana Turner]

He was 5:9. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was not 6 foot? No, because, you know, if you're 6 foot 2 and you're 800 pounds, maybe you can get away with it.

[Lana Turner]

Can you?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Lana Turner]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm making a. Jeff.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. You'd have to be like 15 to 20ft tall to play easily.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So. Well, let's put it to you this way. Shaq, you know, at his biggest, looked like a man playing with boys, was probably 320. So to get to 800.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. The portion, the proportion.

[Adam Carolla]

So he was 800 pounds?

[Lana Turner]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

At his biggest.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What did he get down to? What was he at his lightest?

[Lana Turner]

He felt maybe 450 to 5.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. And I knew Ralphie a bit. I didn't know him well. I heard. I've always heard sort of stories about him. Consumption, zest for life, joie de vivre. What do you do? So you met him at a. Were you guys at a comedy club?

[Lana Turner]

I met him at the Houston Laugh Stop. Yeah. Comedy club. Yeah. Didn't think that. I mean, we never thought I would date him. We just became friends. And he was so funny and fun and large in every way.

[Adam Carolla]

Does. And you were saying in the doc that the guys you dated before Ralphie were fit.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. I'm not a chubby chaser. I wasn't like, ooh, another moped, let's ride that. Like, I was like, yeah, he's. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Women have a lot of flexibility in that department, I would say.

[Lana Turner]

Do they? Yeah. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe they're more forgiving. I think you're kind of saying you do.

[Lana Turner]

I did. I mean, I don't. Yes. Maybe. Maybe women are more forgiving. I don't know. Men seem more.

[Adam Carolla]

They're like less aesthetic. And so it doesn't. It's not as important.

[Lana Turner]

Maybe not all women. I mean, I didn't know that. I was not into aesthetics. I just like. I don't know. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Women. Women are more into substance, personality, you know, sense of humor, blah, blah, blah.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. I mean, it's easy to generalize. Like, maybe people are like, oh. Or into money or success or like, Ralphie was broke. I was just. But he was a very. He was definitely sustenance.

[Adam Carolla]

My theory isn't that women are chase. They don't chase money. Because any band, any rock band that you've never even heard of can be up on stage. The guy can drive a van during the day. Right. And there's still tons of women super attracted to that guy.

[Lana Turner]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think what they're attracted to is Not. Well, that guy's in Guns and Roses. He's rich. It's more like that guy's doing what he wants to do. And there's something that's attractive about that to women. It's even a rebel Y thing, which is like, working at the UPS store is not attractive because the guy doesn't want to do it.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. I mean, wearing brown is not as sexy as leather.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a good color.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although brown leather. But women are attracted to guys that are doing what they want to do.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, even if they're pursuing it,

[Lana Turner]

being on stage does really, like, change the perception. Right. Like, even you're saying that, like, look at all the comedians we know, like, off stage, but they. They score.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, off stage.

[Lana Turner]

They hot women.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you mean off stage. They don't.

[Lana Turner]

And they might not. Like, if they weren't, you know, funny and on stage, maybe they wouldn't get as.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're saying an ugly guy minus a sense of humor and being on stage is not gonna score. Yeah, let me write that down.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, let me remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

For if you're an ugly guy with a shit personality and you're never on stage.

[Lana Turner]

I mean, a great personality, not attractive guy, but being on stage, maybe, or being shit. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, my other theory is women have to worry about safety because they can't just go home with a stranger. Go, you know, leave the club, whatever. There's an issue. And when you're on TV or on stage, they know you. They know who you are, and it makes it a lot easier. They don't, but they know you're not some fucking rapist that blew into town. You know, they kind of. You can be, but they feel like they know you and they feel safe.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, big mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I would say, on average, you're probably gonna be safer with somebody who's on a sitcom than some guy who just drives a truck or who just can't. Who. You have no idea who he is.

[Lana Turner]

And the first person to pop in my head was Bill Cosby.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I was thinking Bob Saget, but okay.

[Lana Turner]

Oh, yeah. No, Bob Saget. Yes. Very safe. Very, very safe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, the other thing, too, is the person, if they're on TV or they have anything, they have stuff to lose. Like, they have to be careful or they have to try. Yeah.

[Lana Turner]

You think? Yeah, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

So you say no.

[Lana Turner]

I don't know. I know too many pervy dudes that have been on tv maybe at this

[Adam Carolla]

point, what do they do? No, I'm not saying you. I'M just saying, women, when they see somebody on tv, they think they're safe. I think they know them is what I'm saying.

[Lana Turner]

For sure. For sure.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my theory.

[Lana Turner]

But also, you're already interested in them. You feel like you know them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's sort of the same thing that, like, if you went to a club and there's a guy you went to high school with or something, and you're like, oh, hey, Steve. And then Steve was like, let's go out and smoke in the parking lot and be like, okay. Because, you know, feel like you know the guy.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. Like, yeah, I went to school with Cosby. Be like, hey, Bill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hey, Bill.

[Lana Turner]

I've been watching the show, and the next thing you know, you're, like, sleeping, roofied up. Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I was listening to somebody talk about Eric Swalwell, and it was funny. They went, he. He goes. He goes. They were talking about it. He corrected himself. He goes, he drugged her. Well, he drugged her drink. And I'm like, you can just say drugged her. That's the same. Drugging the drink.

[Lana Turner]

Seems like some legalese. Maybe it slipped out of his wallet into her cocktail.

[Adam Carolla]

Who are the nice. So you guys. I mean, you and Ralphie must have just. Did you hang out with a lot of comics?

[Lana Turner]

Like, early on when I. Or I don't know. And just in life. Or Did Ralphie and I hang out with comics?

[Adam Carolla]

Did Ralphie and you hang out with comics?

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You did.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Who'd you hang out with?

[Lana Turner]

Well, we always had these, like, big barbecues, so, I mean, just all kinds of people showed up. Everyone. I mean, in the film, we have some of the people who are the most influential for him and his career. I mean, you wouldn't know who Ralphie was if it wasn't for Jay Mohr. Like, Jay is the reason why Rafi became famous.

[Rudy Pavic]

Really?

[Lana Turner]

Yes. And so when I. Early on, when I first moved to la, it was wild. Like, Jay would come over and just hang out in our little studio apartment. And I was like, yeah, you're. You're the. You know, you're that guy, you know? And like. And Jeff Ross was pretty influential on Ralphie's early part of his career.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Jeff always loved. I didn't know that about Jay. I knew it about Jeff. I knew Jeff always loved Ralphie.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, Jay was. I mean, Jay brought him on the road early on and then put him on more sports. One of his. For opportunities. And then I really feel like I mean, Jay says in the film, I couldn't put Rafi on Last Comic Stain. He had to get through the competition. But he was very influential in making sure that Rafi had his career. Like I always say that, you know, if you have luck, meeting opportunity. Ralphie's luck was Jay, really. Yeah, he was prepared. He had comedy, he had jokes, but nobody really wanted to put Ralphie on tv. I mean, he was, he was told to his face that he wouldn't be put on tv. He had done a few little spots, but I mean, no one's putting. I mean, first off, he was also an insurance risk. Especially the further on he got in his career and the older he got, he couldn't insure him. So he could do something for a day or record a stand up special, but he wasn't going to book like a sitcom.

[Adam Carolla]

He couldn't be insured because of his weight. Yeah, interesting.

[Lana Turner]

He couldn't be insured in life. Like you couldn't get him a life insurance policy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Lana Turner]

No one's touching. You know, kind of like fire insurance now in la.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Lana Turner]

It's not happening.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it makes me think. Sorry to bring that up, Dawson, you're gonna have to look for something, but there was a famous incident with him and doing Jimmy Kimmel's show.

[Lana Turner]

Oh, where he fell.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like 18 years ago. A long time ago.

[Lana Turner]

You remember this one?

[Adam Carolla]

I remember because it was a big discussion with, with Cousin Sal and maybe Jimmy and maybe Jeff Ross. And Ralphie always said it was a pratfall, like he did it on purpose. But if you watch the tape, it clearly doesn't look like it was on purpose.

[Lana Turner]

So one thing, you know, if you got far enough into the film, we would try and tackle the like. I mean, Ralphie's film is interesting because it's not just a biopic, it's also a documentary because we started filming him while he was alive. And so like there's an important component to him. Like he was an addict and addicts love to bend the truth. And once you say something, when you're that good at making things up, you can't deviate from it. So he claimed he didn't fall on purpose. He totally fell on purpose. Oh, there you go. Oh, not on purpose. I mean, he fell by accident, but he claimed he did it as a pratfall.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is Jeff, this is Jimmy. I mean, this gotta be year one, year two.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. The show was fresh on the air. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Our next guest. You guys ready for some hilarious comedy?

[Lana Turner]

Jeff, with hair. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Our next guest, besides being my good friend, is just the funniest guy I know. And we got him live in person. Please, everybody, a big warm welcome for the one and only hilarious Ralphie May.

[Lana Turner]

His recovery's so good, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Got back on his feet, they said, break a leg. So I gave it a shot. You had it. I gave it a shot. All right. Yeah. To be fair, they do a lot in those shows. You stand in a dark corridor, they have a black curtain, the thing opens up. You're wearing, like, dress shoes sometimes, too, and the light hits you, and then weird, uneven fake stairs that you've never walked up and down. You're liable to eat shit.

[Lana Turner]

I mean, and he's. He bounced out of that and just. But you know what? He had a bruise on his leg that never went away from that. From that fall. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

That is from 2003.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That must have been season one, season two.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. No, it was the very beginning of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was there. I was there at the beginning, but I would leave and go do Loveline at night, I think. And so maybe I was gone or something. But you solved the mystery.

[Lana Turner]

Well, I mean, that's my belief. Ralphie, if he was here right now, I don't think he would ever let go of the idea that he did that on purpose. I mean, there's the slightest chance that maybe he didn't realize how far down he would fall. Like, he was, like, planning, oh, I'm gonna do something. I don't think so, though. That doesn't look like it. That's like Big guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Just Big guy took a nose dive.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you meet Ralphie, you're doing comedy, he's doing comedy, and you're immediately attracted to the personality.

[Lana Turner]

Not. I mean, as a friend. Yeah. I mean, I felt him.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's his personality.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. But attracted. Yeah, I mean, to his personality. Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then how does it progress from there?

[Lana Turner]

Well, we were. He was dividing his time between LA and Houston, and so we got to know each other on the phone, talking a lot, when phone calls cost money back then. But we still talked a lot. And he was so funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree. And had. Not derivative at all. Just sort of his own comedian.

[Lana Turner]

Just super quick. Yeah, just. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And now, how was your career going at the time? Playing music. Stand up, Doing music and stand up.

[Lana Turner]

Stand up. Yeah. I mean, I walked into the Houston Laugh Stop, did the open mic, and then, because I had music, I was working two months later at the club, just opening, and so I started really quick. I didn't know I was going to be a comedian. I had a different career trajectory at the time. I was actually working in the news media and I had spent a lot of time prior to that. I was working as a still photographer for newspapers. At 19, I was interning at the Associated Press. I was really into it and then I spent the year prior. So when newspapers started folding, I was like, oh, maybe this isn't my career choice. I'd had a major car accident. My back hurt for the first time. Lifting my camera was painful. So I took a year and I traveled. I'd saved up enough money working. I actually was doing pretty well during my 20s. And then I started and when I came back from my travels, I worked at the local news station. And that was when I started doing stand up. And I never thought I'd do comedy, but I'd been writing songs since I was like a little kid. So dirty, not dirty songs. Started doing that. That needed a special place.

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[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Lana Turner]

This is the mindset.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Free.

[Lana Turner]

This is the mantra. Free. This is the

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[Elaine Culotti]

Huzzah.

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Pluto TV stream now pay never

[Adam Carolla]

stand up. Yeah, I mean on stage. Yeah, yeah. Ralphie, I think was in here telling me he got in a horrible car crash when he was in high School, I think. Was it high school?

[Lana Turner]

It was when he. He was like 16 to 17.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna say high school.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. So he told you about the car crash?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's.

[Lana Turner]

So we tackle that in the film too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lana Turner]

That's an interesting part of the film because he had this whole story about how he crashed the car or he rolled it down an embankment. He was hit by a drunk driver. That whole thing. 72 separate brakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, he really bad a

[Lana Turner]

stint in his brain. Yeah, it's. No, he broke his clavicle.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Oh. So he knew. But I didn't know that all that stuff.

[Lana Turner]

So. Yeah, I mean all these things are covered in the film, which is really wild that you. Yeah, I mean, I spent most of my entire marriage with him believing he'd been in a terrible car accident and that's what spawned his weight gain at 17. And then it was actually his sister. After he and I split up, I was devastated and maintained a relationship with my dad. Why were you devastated when he and I split up?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Lana Turner]

Cause I wasn't the one that filed for divorce. Even though I should have been. Despite what many people believe, I wasn't the one that prompted that he did it. Yeah. I was not going to be around him because he was dangerous to be around the kids and he needed to go to rehab.

[Adam Carolla]

Rehab for alcohol or prescription pain pills. Uh huh. Uh huh. And you thought it was dangerous, so you didn't want to.

[Lana Turner]

He was erratic. His behavior was erratic and not okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't want to be around him, so you wanted to be separated.

[Lana Turner]

I just needed not to be. It was just his behavior was not okay, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you're separated.

[Lana Turner]

Yes. And I didn't believe in divorcing him because.

[Adam Carolla]

But he filed for divorce.

[Lana Turner]

He did, yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you.

[Lana Turner]

And then he unfiled and then he refiled in secrecy and then I found the filing and then I had to file too. Cause I'm not gonna like, woo hoo file on me once. Mm, mm, mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Did. So you were hoping that you could separate and he could get into rehab or something?

[Lana Turner]

He had done a stint in rehab before. I don't know what I was hoping for. I just knew that it wasn't. We had young kids, I think. Gosh. I mean, the divorce part of my life was not an easy chapter, so I think there was part of me too that was afraid of what that might look like. And it was horrible. And so, I mean, I just wanted him to get healthy and well, I didn't think that, you know, look, I have a way of idealizing things. I married an 800 pound man or 500 when I married him, hoping that he would get well. And so I kind of held onto that notion for many, many years too long. But I loved him. I mean, I married him and had children with him and really was in a difficult position. And I don't know that he even wanted to get a divorce. He did not take himself to the divorce attorney. There's people in the film that took him and they're actually on camera showing who they are. And it's an interesting project because a lot of it was recorded. So I really don't even have to tell the story because it's told by Ralphie, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he chronicled that.

[Lana Turner]

He did that.

[Adam Carolla]

Seems, it's wild, peculiar. Well, he could have been high, you know, I mean, he could have been.

[Lana Turner]

He was high.

[Adam Carolla]

People do crazy things when they're high, you know. Yeah. So that whole car accident, he came in here and told me chapter and verse about every bone that was broken and all the stuff that had happened. And I just took him, took him at his word.

[Lana Turner]

And I have to tell you, that was a story that he held onto forever. So like, even though it's totally not true and even I feel like a little weird being here saying, oh yeah, even in the film I feel weird, like, oh yeah, it wasn't true. But it's part. I think it's important for people to hear that about him post mortem because it's such a common experience with addiction. Like, I think it's important for people to understand. Like there's such a deep set lying pattern that goes into this stuff. Like he couldn't take responsibility for the fact that he'd put on so much weight. He needed a reason. He probably had a very good real reason, but he couldn't connect those dots for himself. And it's really interesting, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he probably even had a part that before the accident he was playing football or whatever. Fit or high school ball or some version of that. I don't know if that was. It's been a few years, that's for sure.

[Lana Turner]

He was athletic in a way that's pretty remarkable. Like, I mean, just to be able to carry that much weight around. Like, I never knew when I met him how heavy he was. When I actually found out the number, you're like, what? Cause I mean, you probably saw him, he walked around, he carried himself, he was very strong and he was coordinated. And I see it in my son My son's not overweight at all, but he's like, super coordinated. And he doesn't get that from me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, he could have been a good athlete. His mother actually says that he said he could have been an athlete if he wasn't so heavy.

[Adam Carolla]

What was his eating habits like? What do you do to get to weigh 800 pounds or even maintain that?

[Lana Turner]

You don't eat in front of me. I caught him eating in front of me. Every now and then. I would find wrappers. I would find food containers in the car, but not in front of me. Wasn't that weird?

[Adam Carolla]

What would he do in front of

[Lana Turner]

you not eat like that? Maybe when we went out to eat, he'd have little more than. But I mean, he had his stomach, like, constricted, right. With gastric bypass. And before that he'd even had a stapling. Like, the guy had had multiple surgeries to try and stop himself from being able to eat. So he had to eat around that and not in front of me. There was a one time, there were a few times, and only a few in all of those years together that I caught him doing something that was like, what the heck are you? Like, one time he was home from the road and we had had a birthday party and I had one of those Costco M and M bags in the pantry. Cause I kept sugar and food out of my house. I still do to this day. I don't have sweets, I don't have ice cream. Keep it out. And I probably have my own weird food things after all those years with him.

[Adam Carolla]

And I would say you could develop.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, I definitely have weird food stuff. But this one bag of M and Ms. Kept after the party because I can bake cookies with them.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

And.

[Lana Turner]

And he went, I found the bag. He had eaten the entire bag. And there's like 52 portions in that bag in like a 48 hour window. And I was like, what? It's just shocking. I mean, you have to have that many calories to maintain your weight when you're that size, right? So that was one of those times that I was like, wow, you just did that. And of course I'm upset by that. But he hit it. And it's in the film too. He has. There's a guy who comes in who was our roommate early on when we were broke and living off Crenshaw. This guy, Sean Anderson, who moved into our apartment. And we didn't know him, but he showed up and he was the same. He was like almost the same size as Ralphie. I thought it was like a funny sitcom. It was like me and two fat men living in an apartment. But he talks about how when I would leave, they would party and just get like a giant thing of Popeyes and just eat until they were sick. And then if I was around, it was not around, they would get rid of it. I was the one. They were hiding it like I'm their mom or something. It was just really strange. I think he knew I wouldn't be able to tolerate, so he. But he was an addict, so he would use and abuse when I wasn't there. And then I think, well, I know the addictions to things and the hiding evolved throughout our lives.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's on the road a fair bit, so he can do whatever he wants in that town, right?

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, yeah, totally.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The roads and the attic stuff is kind of. Kind of tough for comedians.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. So is this like therapy? Yeah, well, in front of a lot of people.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna go a little deeper here.

[Lana Turner]

Oh, no, don't make me cry.

[Adam Carolla]

How does one be intimate with someone who's that size? I can never mathematically figure it out.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, it wasn't like my favorite intimacy thing, let me be honest. But yeah. You really want to know? I just.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How do you make love to someone who's £800? Can you.

[Lana Turner]

Things work.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything worked.

[Lana Turner]

Everything worked. But it just was not as comfortable for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe I could. Yes. Sorry to laugh. I could see it being literally. To me, it's not even a sexual thing. It's like an engineering problem.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, no, you should ask those questions. Cause it seems like a curiosity that, like, that's really. You know what? You should have just gone right for that question.

[Adam Carolla]

I know when people go, I'm fit, I'm young, I'm attracted to this 700 pound guy. The first thing everyone thinks is, how's that work?

[Lana Turner]

Right. Of course. You know, everything that you've asked me so far pales in importance to this question now.

[Adam Carolla]

It's certainly front and center for most Americans who are listening.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Yeah, she can't.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta get on top, right?

[Lana Turner]

Not always.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. But like, I. This is so such a bummer because I kind of. There was a point in our marriage where I kind of. So sad. I don't. I kind of checked out a little bit at some point and I'm not. Yeah, I had my own stuff in that. That I've worked on post.

[Adam Carolla]

You check out. You had like another man.

[Lana Turner]

No. Checked out, like mentally.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I get It.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, but why?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, why.

[Lana Turner]

Why did I do that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, if the guy's an addict and he's. Thing about addicts is they live a separate secret life. So you're not really. You don't get all of them. You get part. The part they want to show you, and then they have a kind of a secret life, and they have to guard it and, like, defend it and protect it. So you're never really with the person 100%, because they're always somewhere else. I mean, they're waiting for you to leave so they can do something else. They gotta do something else. Or they're just high. Like they're not there, you know, I mean, you're checked out, but you're checked out. Cause they're checked out because they're addicts, you know?

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, well. And I'll say oral. Oral works.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Lana Turner]

And fat guy eats.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, fat guy eats. Yeah, that's a good point.

[Lana Turner]

Eat a lot. So that. That was fun at first. Like, that was the. That was the entry point, so to speak, of the beginning of the real. And then. And then the. But the actual, like, physical part, that was. That took some gymnastics. When we first. In our. In our first apartment, there was like a. Like a hook in the ceiling that was there before from somebody else who had, like, some fancy chair. And I was like, I would die. That would be the end of me. So there was no fun. Like, crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. What would be the end of you?

[Lana Turner]

Like, whoever left that hook in the ceiling had fun on that hook. It, like, had some sort of chair, something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, well, you said fancy chair. Yeah, but you mean like a sex swing.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, like a sex swing of some kind that's not happening with a fat man. So it was very much like danger points. Yeah, but I have to, like. But yeah, the entry point was, like, oral. And then that went on for a long time. And then, yeah, I mean, we were able to get pregnant and we were able to be together. And I loved him very much.

[Adam Carolla]

You just got pregnant through conventional methods?

[Lana Turner]

Yep. Normal. Which I didn't expect to happen. Like, I figured that there was no way we were gonna get pregnant. Cause, like, I read a thing in Men's Health that said if you're above a certain weight, like, sperm won't, like, they're too hot to go anywhere. I feel like, hot, lazy, lazy sperm. Everybody sitting on the couch.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's got a theory about everything. And then everyone gets pregnant anyway.

[Lana Turner]

And my kids are awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, they'll do that thing where they go, you know, if you're smoking that, you don't think I smoked in the 40s and got people pregnant. Yeah, but if there's cigarettes, it's like, if you're drinking alcohol and it's like, everyone drank, everyone smoked, and everyone got pregnant.

[Lana Turner]

If anything, they got pregnant more.

[Adam Carolla]

They got more pregnant.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't know what you're talking about, but I read Men's Journal.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, there's always bullshit, but, yeah, I mean, I loved him. Like, he was very. Like, to me, he felt very safe and cuddly and squishy and, like, it was, you know, like, a nice cuddle to be with somebody who's, like, smushy and cuddly. Like, of course I'd prefer abs, but, you know, like, that was. There was some sort of safety in that, and there was some sort of probably anger at my mother, and it all kind of worked for me at the time. But, I mean. And I did love him.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he ever stray from the relationship?

[Lana Turner]

Not. I didn't. Yes. I think at the end there was infidelity. And I. I figured that out.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, how'd you figure that out?

[Lana Turner]

There were some things that I pieced together while we were together at the end of our marriage. I was like this. But of course, being an excellent liar, he was able to, like, convince me that those things. That I must be just out of my mind. But then when we did separate,

[Adam Carolla]

you

[Lana Turner]

know the old ant adage. Adage. Is that the word of your grandmother being like, clean your underwear before you

[Adam Carolla]

leave the house in case you.

[Lana Turner]

Adage. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Clean your. Change your underwear in case you get into an accident.

[Lana Turner]

Clean. Clean underwear. Clean your cloud. Because. Clean your cloud when you go. Somebody might see your cloud when you go. And if you do something in your

[Adam Carolla]

cloud when you go where?

[Lana Turner]

To the other side. When you kick it.

[Adam Carolla]

When you kick it.

[Lana Turner]

You might leave a digital trace of things. And so I could see in his cloud. Oh, okay. I was able to assemble things together and find things out and figure things out.

[Adam Carolla]

So why look in his cloud when he's gone?

[Lana Turner]

Because when he passed, there was $17 in his bank account, $300,000 in debt and $80,000 probate. And I figured there was some missing money in accounts, so I had to. I wanted to explore, see what I could find.

[Adam Carolla]

So he was making good money before he passed. When did he pass?

[Lana Turner]

Nine years ago, Roughly. Yeah. October. Was it October? I should know this date, like, on the back of my hand. But, yeah, October. October. And nine years ago. Eight, nine years ago now.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, we'll figure it out.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. Do the math on it. I don't do well with dates.

[Adam Carolla]

He's out doing dates every weekend.

[Lana Turner]

On the road a lot? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

On the road a lot, yes.

[Lana Turner]

And I would go and meet him a lot, and I would bring the kids and try to keep us together as a family. And, you know, early on, when we first had my daughter and before her, we would travel together. It was a lot of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

You can just put the date on the screen.

[Lana Turner]

Put Ralphie passed on.

[Adam Carolla]

I got it. October 17th.

[Lana Turner]

17th.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, no, 20. 17.

[Lana Turner]

Okay. October. Was it 8th or 9th or something? Six. It's close.

[Adam Carolla]

Six. Well, it doesn't. I don't know what. I don't know why people get into actual dates, but I just want to know. He's been gone. He's been gone. We're talking, coming up, nine years, right? What's coming up on 10? Right. Or coming up on nine? Coming up on nine. Sorry. All right.

[Lana Turner]

That's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's working and he's playing clubs and theaters and stuff. And he' making good money out on those weekend dates. Right. So there should be some money around. What was he spending it on the

[Lana Turner]

last year or so? I wasn't communicating with him and emptied my bank accounts.

[Adam Carolla]

And you didn't have spousal support or child support or that stuff?

[Lana Turner]

Well, we didn't. So you're going to be like, what the heck? When he filed, he did so in Tennessee. We had two houses. We had one in LA and one in Tennessee, which was one of the reasons why I believe that he could get.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did you get married?

[Lana Turner]

Las Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. All right. So it's not Tennessee or Los Angeles. All right. So sorry.

[Lana Turner]

And so, gosh. He filed for divorce in Tennessee. I responded in California. The kids were in school here. Had been only in school here. And he wanted. Drum roll.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Lana Turner]

How much custody?

[Adam Carolla]

How much custody? Wait, how much?

[Lana Turner]

He wanted zero custody.

[Adam Carolla]

He wanted zero custody, so I wanted

[Lana Turner]

to stay in LA with custody.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know if you were talking about payment or. Sorry.

[Lana Turner]

He wanted zero custody.

[Adam Carolla]

He wanted zero custody. Why would he want zero custody?

[Lana Turner]

I don't. He wanted zero custody.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because he wanted zero custody.

[Lana Turner]

I don't know. You have to ask him and you can't. Like, I think if I had to guess, he didn't. He loved the children. Love. Loved his kids, but wasn't really present for them.

[Adam Carolla]

How old were they when he passed? Or. Sorry.

[Lana Turner]

2009.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. When you filed. Sorry.

[Lana Turner]

That was about a year earlier or a year and a half.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Didn't do the math. All right. So he didn't want custody.

[Lana Turner]

Nah.

[Adam Carolla]

But did he have to pay child support?

[Lana Turner]

Well, when he filed in Tennessee, he wanted to pay Tennessee child support, and I wanted to stay in California, so that created a problem. And then when he called me up,

[Adam Carolla]

what's Tennessee child support mean?

[Lana Turner]

Not very much for California.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Lana Turner]

And so I said. He called me up and he said, please don't file, you know, like, an RFO request for order. It keeps everybody kind of, like, nice to each other. So he said, I don't want you to follow the rfo. It'll have a bunch of. Because you're supposed to outlay all the things that are problematic in the relationship. And there was a lot of things that had happened, and I didn't want to file it either because, you know, as people put it in the tabloids. So he called me up, and he was like, I promise I'll take care of you. I love you forever. And I said, oh, my. I said the dumbest words I've ever said. You ready? I said, I want to consciously uncouple, like Gwyneth Paltrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Lana Turner]

And those are dumb words. Right? And I was like, thank you so much. I said, I want to go on vacation with you and your future partner and mine and my future partner, and we can enjoy our children together. And I didn't file an rfo. And a few days later, he filed one injunction in Tennessee. And I couldn't. I couldn't. If I filed anything in California, it would get thrown out because there was paper in Tennessee. And if I went to Tennessee and asked for any help, they would have said, well, the divorce is in Tennessee. And then I would be stuck in Tennessee. And I didn't want to risk that because he didn't want any custody and I didn't want to leave ours. So it was a big freaking mess.

[Adam Carolla]

There was no child support and no

[Lana Turner]

spousal support for, like, we were still married when he died. And I had no. At the very, very end, he got. I had to go to Tennessee, and a judge yelled at him and made him give me some support at the very end of his life.

[Adam Carolla]

How were you able to support the kids and you.

[Lana Turner]

Credit card. I also tried to work, and then I'd get fired from work because, like, if I went to do comedy at a club, his manager at the time we was in, a real manager would Call the club and say, ralphie won't work here if she's there. It was crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Really.

[Lana Turner]

Completely unhinged. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would. So you wanted to work. You couldn't work as a stand up?

[Lana Turner]

It was really hard to still work, even at that time, because I had two really young kids and I didn't really, you know, I mean, look, it's hard for women to work in general when they have young kids. But now it became really hard for me to work at that time.

[Adam Carolla]

So you had no income?

[Lana Turner]

No, not really. No. Like, I did little things to try and make cash and like, I sold my body. No, I'm just kidding. I had a friend of mine give me some gym equipment. I ran like a little gym out of my garage.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah. And that made like a couple hundred bucks so I could, you know, pay for parking and stuff. But no, not. Yeah, I just had to be really. Like, my credit cards got jacked up and I never put anything on my credit card. I never had debt before.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. But that seems like you couldn't keep it going for that long.

[Lana Turner]

No, I know. I managed. I managed for about a year.

[Adam Carolla]

So he never gave you any money

[Lana Turner]

to support the kids during that time? He did a few things. Like he bought the kids books or he bought them some clothes or he paid for them to have some lessons. Like, he was required to kind of try and keep them. Like, he was required to keep the lights on in the house and pay the mortgage. But anything that he wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So.

[Lana Turner]

And he loved the kids. I don't think he was trying to punish the kids. I think he was honestly, like, knowing him, like, Rafi was not a bad person. And I won't let that go out that, like, I think he was a sick man. And I think he hated himself. And I think I was the closest person to him. And I never stopped holding him accountable. And I would not say I wouldn't be like, he was an addict. He didn't wanna hear that. So, you know, I think it pissed him off. That's a reflection.

[Adam Carolla]

You lived in a house. He paid for the utilities and the mortgage. And at least you had a roof over your head. But you had to figure out how to get food.

[Lana Turner]

And every Apple was an 18% interest for. Yeah. Cumulative for over a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything else.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah, lots of food for less and hustling for, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

And what do you do now?

[Lana Turner]

What do I do now? Well, so when he passed away, well, we didn't have any cash. We did have assets. So I was able to sell the house in Tennessee. And that made money. And that allowed me to pay off all my debt in a debt, like, immediately I paid off the debt, which it was funny, because I had that conversation with myself. Should I negotiate the debt down? You know, you can do that, but it still stays on your credit. And I didn't want to do that. I'm like, I don't. I just wanted to do the right thing. And I. So I paid off everything. I paid. I went through probate. I had an estate sale. Everything in my house in Tennessee sold for less than what he bought the dining room table for. I had to. I got stranded at CarMax twice trying to get rid of cars. Like, it was just. It was crazy. But I was able to pay everything off. And I had enough of a Runway of finances to stay in my house here in LA for two years before I would have to move. And I wanted to keep my son in elementary school until he finished. Because their lives had so much instability. I just. I didn't want to leave la. And during the course of that time, I started figuring out the documentary. And Raffi didn't actually own a lot of his own content, but I started figuring out how to get some of that content back.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't own a lot of his own content?

[Lana Turner]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

What does that mean?

[Lana Turner]

Like his specials.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, his specials, yeah. Now, he owned, obviously, all the stuff he filmed himself.

[Lana Turner]

Yes. Well, very fortunate. Okay. So, like, the year before he filed for divorce, he wanted to get the lap band. So the reason why there's so much footage in this documentary is because he and I had had this conversation many times. He wanted to have a lap band, and I was really against it. I think the conversation went well. You could also put duct tape over your mouth. You've already cut up your stomach twice, like, maybe you don't want to do anymore. But at this point, I just. He was so. He was so ill. And I said, you know what? Like, if this is what you need to lose weight, like, we're gonna do it. And I said, but let's record the process. Let's document it. So that way. Cause he had done Celebrity Fit Club, and he lost quite a bit of weight on camera. And I thought, that keeps you honest. Let's roll. And so I hired this woman who came on the road with him and filmed for nine months, and then it ended with him filing for divorce.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Lana Turner]

So that's that footage. So I had all that footage. So I knew I had something magical on tape, but I didn't have his standup. So I started trying to figure out basically I became like a lawyer. I'm starting to call the different companies, figuring out how to get his content back to the estate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who owns it.

[Lana Turner]

And I had a lot of really kind people along the way get me back his content. Some people gave it to me, some people sold it to me at a reasonable price. And I started. I have a very good friend, Mike, who we formed a company together. He's brilliant. We call it comedy genius. I call him the genius. And he started posting it and it aggregates really well online.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Lana Turner]

So between that and also doing gigs and stuff, I've been able to. I feel like I'm a big success story and the company has grown. Very small company. But we have a couple of other clients and we post. And that's how I also figured out that maybe I don't need to just give away my documentary. Maybe I can find, maybe I can distribute it myself because we've been really stuck successful with distribution.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me give you a plug then.

[Lana Turner]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it's kind of interesting. Come what May is the name of the doc. It's really compelling. You can see it at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. Is that true tonight?

[Lana Turner]

Oh, no, not the film tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry.

[Lana Turner]

So tonight is the tribute show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the tribute, sorry.

[Lana Turner]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because they're also doing a live show along with the showing of the doc is amazing.

[Lana Turner]

So the Laugh Factory has been awesome and they wanted to do like sort of a tribute show to kind of like a preamble to the actual screening of the film.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. And then the one on April 30th is sold out. Dr. Drew's gonna be.

[Lana Turner]

So the 28th is pretty much sold out. I think we have some tickets in the front two rows. And then the 30th, Drew, pending his grandchild being born, will be there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right, sorry, yes. 28th, sold out. Almost sold out on the 30th. And that's a Lemley in NoHo. And so where should people go if they want to find out anything about this?

[Lana Turner]

Comewhatmayfilm.com comewhatmayfilm.com if you can't remember that, then you can also go to social media. We have everything kind of up on Ralphie's page, up on my page. So. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, congrats on a great doc and I look forward to talking to you next time we have something out. Rudy Pavic is going to come in and do the news right after events. O'Reilly Auto Parts? Yeah. What business are they in? Let me think. How about the business of keeping your car on the road? There are not many car issues I can't figure out myself, but if I can't, I always go to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado like moi or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and they're friendly. O'Reilly, O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly. Am I right? Dawson?

[Show Announcer]

Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam Morgan and Morgan.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I know a lot of people been hurt, accidents wasn't their fault. And I tried to tough it out. No lawyer, no help. Well, just hoping the bills and the pain would magically sort themselves out. Spoiler alert. Well, they don't. And that's where Morgan and Morgan comes in. Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They've recovered more than $30 billion for over 500,000 clients. That's a serious track record. So if you're injured because someone else was negligent, you deserve to be paid. Don't try to white knuckle it alone. Reach out to Morgan and Morgan and let the pros fight for you. It's Morgan and Morgan, right?

[Show Announcer]

Dawson, if you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. Yes, that's right. Their fee is free unless they win. To learn more, go to for the people.com adam or click the link in the description below. To learn more, go to F o r the people.com Adam or click the link in the description below. This is a paid advertisement. It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

I just saw your show and there were protesters hitting the gate of an ICE detention facility with buildups. I don't understand why ICE agents don't fill the water cannons with Vaseline and just spray them down to get rid of them.

[Show Announcer]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Somewhere, someone show me clips. Rudy Popp's gonna do the news of water cannons with dye in it. And we're having to. First off, I would love to explain to our founding fathers why we needed 171 non lethal interventions like tasers and rubber bullets and peanuts. We fire at people and whatever. It's like, how about a fucking musket to the head? Just a musket ball right to the fucking jugular. And it's like, you do understand that in this country we probably spend a billion dollars a year on non lethal weapons. Like, we're gonna fire beanbags at people, we're gonna tase people, we're gonna get water cannons, we're gonna put pepper spray. It's like, how about you fucking kill one of them and then they just go away? I'm all for that, although it doesn't seem to affect them. But yes, I'm all about the water cannon. And there's not a lot of jobs I would do for free, but manning that water cannon, I would f. First off, I'd be up on top of that fuck Sitting in that turret, on top of that tanker truck and I would be. I would literally. No, I'm going to revise it. There are not a lot of jobs I would pay to do. Yeah, I would, I would go, what are you paying the water cannon guy now? They'd be like, he gets 2750 an hour. And I'm like, I'll fucking double it and they'll put it right back in your pocket. I just need a few hours. I would get up there, I would look for anyone wearing, let's say Bruce Springsteen T shirt. They'd probably be like, there'd be, you know, they'd find me, I'd find them. They're guys. I might start with the elderly women because they'd fly the furthest when I hit them with the cannon, you know what I mean? And there's something, I don't know why the 19 year old dude or chick I can almost tolerate, but the 73 year old woman, I'm like, don't you fucking. You're gonna die soon. This is it. That's all you want, you bought. You're taking this shit all the way to the tomb, huh? Yeah, I feel that way about Jane Fonda. Like, hold on, she's gonna bitch about America. Like, she's literally going to. When she's in her hospital bed clinging to life and she can no longer have enough breath so we can hear her, she's gonna get a steno pad down and write USA sucks. And like, just hold it up before she Dies because she can no longer speak. Like, I would love to operate that. That fucking water cannon.

[Rudy Pavic]

Like, move over nitro from American Gladiators. I'm going to take this guy on. Yeah, it's funny. I see the dye.

[Adam Carolla]

I would dress like nitro.

[Rudy Pavic]

Hell yeah. I see the guys with the dye in the, you know, the water cannon. And I bet the protesters come back and go, well, you know, there was chemicals inside of it. Like, well, RFK was trying to tell you guys, take it out of the food, take it out of the water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So anyway, I don't know. Someone's just gonna have to get shot and killed again. But that doesn't stop them. Actually, you're right. I keep saying we need another Kent State type situation. Maybe five this time. All right, what do you got in the news first? I don't know why, but Rudy's a comedian. People get accused of stealing jokes. I'd like to see Shane Gillis joke first. If I could do this. Shane Gillis joke came up on my feed. I like Shane Gill and I think he's funny. And I was just like, oh, if there's a clip of Shane Gillis, that's three minutes, I'll watch it, or two minutes because I like it. So here it is from. It's about five years old. Special Olympics is a good. It's a good program.

[Rudy Pavic]

It's great.

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like the guy who came up with it had to be like a real risk taker. You know what I mean? That's a wild thing to suggest for the time. First. First time, some guy in a board meeting like, I got an idea. We should be racing these motherfuckers. All right, you can pause it there. All right. Then I was watching and I was like, that sounds familiar. And it Sounds familiar because 20 did the math. Like 20, 20 years ago or 21 years ago, I used to write these bits called 1780s guy was interstitial. When I was doing a late night show. I don't know if you ever saw 1780s guy. I probably showed it to you. And I was like, that joke sounds familiar. And it's interesting. I don't think Shane stole that joke. But this is the joke from 21 years ago that I wrote that was Adam explained genital piercing to 1780s guy. And now Adam explains to 1780s guy the special Olympics and they race them.

[Rudy Pavic]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

That was. Adam explains the same punchline. And they raced them. And it's also. The premise is the same in that you're explaining it to somebody. But that's the way the human mind works. Yeah.

[Rudy Pavic]

The parallel thinking there, especially for a joke writer, is race is. It's one syllable. It's easy. Everybody knows what it is. Swimming's a little too hard. Plus, I don't think.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think the joke. Sorry, I don't mean to say no. And they race them. Sort of implies, too, that you bet on, like, horses and dogs and stuff, like you race camels. It implies for our sport and energy. We race things for sport and entertainment. Swimming's not really. We don't gamble on it or whatever. But anyway, same joke.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Great minds. It is a good joke.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. What do you got in the news?

[Rudy Pavic]

Joe Rogan back. Excuse me, I'm gonna screw this up. I hate. This is the other thing I've asked about, the blue. Have you noticed that? Do they print this off in blue and then you hit it with the highlighter and then you can't see it? I can never see it. Yes, I gotta do. I should be more. On top of this. Joe Rogan backs Spencer Pratt's LA Mayor campaign. The reality star is hoping to unsee Karen Bass, who is running for reelection. Even though Joe Rogan now lives in Texas, he still has thoughts on who he wants to be the next mayor of Los Angeles.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's hear it for sure. Listen, man, I'm voting for you. I can't vote for you, but I'm rooting for you. I mean, if I lived in Los Angeles, no question whatsoever, I would vote for you. So here's the deal, people go, spencer Pratt. What's that guy know about running Los Angeles? What does he know about governance? What does he know about running a major city? What does he know? He's a reality star. And my answer is, I don't give a fuck. He doesn't have bad ideas. So I don't think people really fully understand this. There's, like, two ways you can. You can govern. There's three options. There is the way I would like, all right, potholes and red light arrows and traffic and all this stuff, homelessness, whatever. First off, I like his stance. Spencer's gonna be on this show. I like his stance on everything. But that's fine. Then there's another way you can govern. You can be inept and just kind of be like, I don't know anything about fixing potholes or whatever. But then there's a third category, which is, I like potholes. And that's what we got. Now we have a Bunch of Marxist socialist fucking retards that are tearing this place down. I wish they were just inexperienced or inept. They have an agenda, and it's not what you want. And so it's basically like saying, who would you like to decorate your home? And I would say, the finest decorator with the most exquisite taste in the land. And then you'd go, okay, what about a person that had no experience decorating? I'd go, well, I don't know. Maybe it'll work out. Maybe they'll still pick out a nice sofa, you know? All right, what about a horrible, destructive decorator? It's like, no, that's gonna fuck my house up. I said, I don't want that person. Yeah, but the horrible, destructive decor has a lot of experience. And I go, experience fucking up people's houses. I'll take anyone off the street over Karen Bass or over Nithya Raman. Nithya Raman wants to tear down beloved tree houses, pull down U turn signs in gay cruising zones, and blame Toyota for catalytic converter theft. That means she's dumb. Her priorities have nothing to do with me. Meaning. Here's what I'm saying, all right? It's perfect. Perfectly fine. Nithya Rahman is the odds on favorite right now. Okay? Here's what I want under with my example. So her thing is, is I want to go down to the gay pride area and rip down no cruising signs. And then I want to go, I want to yell at Toyota for making a catalytic converter too easy to steal. Okay? But I'm also gonna tear down that treehouse that everyone in the neighborhood loves. It's been there for 20 years. Okay? Under my regime of the person who just doesn't know anything, treehouse stays gay. U turn sign stays too. They're not doing anything. But that's. She's doing the opposite. I want the tree house up. Bitch, you're tearing it down. So you got a lot of experience tearing shit down and fucking up this city? I'll take no experience fucking up this city. I'll take a person who goes, the tree house? Yeah. Does it hurt anybody? No, the people enjoy it. Yeah. Why are we talking about it? That's what I'll take. And why are there U turn signs on Hyperion? Well, gay guys cruise up and down and they do a U turn and then they cruise up and down, and then they meet their gay partner and they bang in people's shrubs. Well, I don't want them doing that, so leave the fucking sign up.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavic]

You know where they could do that in a tree house, right? Keep it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Leave the. Take the sign and point it toward the tree house. Leave the fucking U turn sign up and leave the tree house up. Because it's really got nothing to do with me because I got to work on potholes.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, I've heard this three times already. People go, you mean the guy from the hills? The guy from the.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Rudy Pavic]

The reality star? Well, yeah, of course, he wasn't mayor material back in 2001 when he was filming this movie.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, first off, I've seen what all the politicians with all the pedigrees are up to. They're fucking shit. Half of them are lawyers. Half of them went to an Ivy League school and they're fucking. Oh, Nithya Rahman. Nithya Rahman went to Harvard. And she's fucking retarded. She's a retarded person who got brain. She's part of the. Like, what is she, the socialist? She's like. She's a socialist.

[Show Announcer]

Socialist.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a democratic socialist that got her brain scrambled in Harvard. And you want to let her loose on the city. I'd rather have a dude who just grew up fucking skimboarding in Huntington beach, by the way. I'm the dude. You want the dude from the man show. I don't care. Everyone's from somewhere. Everyone did something. These people are actively destroying Los Angeles. They're actively doing it. I'd rather have a guy with zero experience, actually.

[Show Announcer]

Looking at Nithya Raman's bio here, first line is, she's an American urban planner, but she's not planning any builds, just destruction. She's just.

[Adam Carolla]

Her urban planning is taking down tree houses that people like, taking down U Turn signs so almost can't prove.

[Show Announcer]

Vote against the homeless encampment cleanup thing. She won't tear those down.

[Adam Carolla]

She doesn't want to tear any of that down. And there's a great tape of her, I think, somewhere sort of going, well, what's the difference? Someone said, look, the homeless encampments can't be within 500ft of a school. And she's like, what's the difference? I have no fuck. She's a fucking communist. So would you rather have a guy working in your warehouse who didn't know, who wasn't an expert at driving a forklift but would learn or at least had a good attitude about wanting to drive the forklift as best they can? Or somebody who knew how to operate a forklift but was gonna destroy your factory with it by ramming Everything.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah. If anything, take a look around. And when somebody does give a suggestion, not pooh pooh it right away. Not just shit it down every single time somebody goes, well, maybe somebody has a better ide. It feels like every time.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, her ideas are shit.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're gonna be shit. And it's not a coincidence. These aren't coin toss situations. Their plans are bad, destructive plans. They've been in charge for too long and that's why people are moving. So this stay the course thing is totally insane to me. All right, what's your next story?

[Rudy Pavic]

Rosie o' Donnell reacted to the sexual misconduct allegations against former Democratic congressman and California gubernatorial candidate Eric Swalwell in a video. Here you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me just say this with her. I don't know if she did this or not. You can't have you without filters on. And then you with a filter on that makes you look like Pippi Longstocking. It's too jarring. The real Rosie's got deep crow's feet and crevices and cracks all over her face. And then there's this one that makes her look like Pippi Longstocking. And I just say, you can't toggle back and forth. You gotta just pick a length. It's too jarring. All right, here we go.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

Country when you're there, like, you can't help but feel it. Now, can we talk a little bit about Eric Swalwell? Okay, I know that guy. In the what kind of way? Like, spoke to him on the phone a couple times, Donated money to him, I believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Good for you. Good girl.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

Talked about it in some public appearances years ago, about how I believed in him.

[Adam Carolla]

And sure, because he hates Trump. He wants to destroy California.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

Standing up to all those people when he, you know, stand up to powerful people, moralist behavior. And then all this comes out about him.

[Adam Carolla]

Uhoh.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

And

[Adam Carolla]

hold on a second. Are we at the point where we just have to film? Everyone's just got to film themselves talking about just so. I used to like the Star wars series, but then that one came out that I didn't like, so I don't like it now.

[Rudy Pavic]

Every opinion needs to be shared.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a guy you gave money cuz he's a Democrat and you have a lot of money and you sort of. And he hates Trump, so you got fooled by him. But then he did something bad and now I don't like him. Okay, let me get my steno pad out, bitch.

[Rudy Pavic]

That's how it works.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. So you're all for the guy pre rape. But then he turns into a rapist, and not so much. I think, well, we gotta hear her out. We gotta hear her out. Maybe she's gonna surprise us at the end, saying, I gave him more money.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

It's heartbreaking to me. Oh, you know, and I wrote him. I wrote him a little message, and I said, you know, bill Clinton broke my heart. And now you did, too. You know, the conclusion I've come to. Men suck.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, now, hold on a second. What does she care about men? But number two, if Bill Clinton broke your heart in 1996, and then you get to 20, 26 with Swalwell, that's a pretty good run. You know what I mean? That's not too shabby.

[Rudy Pavic]

That's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Like. It's like a factory saying, you know, last injury, 32 years ago. You know what I mean? Like, not. I don't know when Clinton. I'm not sure. I can't remember the Clinton year. 96. I'll say. But the whole point is that's a. She had a 30. She put together 30 years.

[Rudy Pavic]

Not bad. Also, I don't trust anybody who wears snowman shirts outside of December.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavic]

I'm not a fan. Like, wearing a Rams hat outside of the season. Knock that shit off. Yeah, I don't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

What, you mean Viking? I mean Green Bay hat.

[Rudy Pavic]

You mean. I'm trying to be topical here. Locational. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so let's hear. So she's had her heart broken. She wrote him a note. Can you imagine? Rosie's got a note for you. I'd be like, all right, here we go.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

Men suck. The way that they are physiologically, they can't sort of control their sexual urges.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Rudy Pavic]

She's got a little Trump in her urges.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what I find that she finds.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

And all of these things now coming out.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we got a pretty good handle on our sexual urges around Rosie, though, don't we? I feel like I could tamp mine down.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Her.

[Rudy Pavic]

Lena Dunham.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavic]

Good. Yeah, we're good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That is. You probably experience a fair bit less harassment than the average gal.

[Rudy Pavic]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. But she's right. The guys have urges. There's a biological thing. I don't know. If you can just be born gay, why can't you be born with urges?

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a born gay. Arguer. I'm an urges arguer. I got urges, babe.

[Rudy Pavic]

There's an old David Cross bit where he talks about how they took down a bunch of statues in Museums that depicted penises because children might get aroused. And he was like, I don't know. I've been walking through my entire life not pulling my dick out at museums.

[Elaine Culotti]

Just leave it up.

[Rudy Pavic]

I know. Everybody has urges. You know what we do? That's why there's the Internet. And we go back to our houses and we wait till our girlfriends go to bed, and then we go downstairs in the basement and we take care of that.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a note from my doctor saying I could fly with my urges and that I could actually use my urges. Like they'll do with indigenous people can do peyote. I'm sort of urged grandfathered in. So I'm allowed to apply my urges. One more story.

[Rudy Pavic]

One more story. All right, so remember when Great Britain was the most wealthy empire on earth? Well, now Alabama is even richer than them. British people thought they were very wealthy. Sure, yeah, New York, California, and Texas might be a little bit wealthier, but the average Brit makes a little bit more than people in Mississippi, Arkansas, and Indiana. When it comes to actual wealth. In the great empire that was once Great Britain, they rank 51st. So less than all of our states

[Adam Carolla]

in the United States, Europe is dying. Like, Canada's gonna die. These sort of formally thriving white nations are just fucking destroying their culture and their nation, and they're just gonna fucking die on the vine. And everyone is like, that's racist. And like, maybe it is. Go ahead. You fucking ruined it. They ruined. Canada's getting ruined. I mean, Poland and Hungary aren't really going for this shit. But the Brits, I mean, they're all just going down the. Canada, Australia's fucked themselves up. Like, they're all just gonna go down that road.

[Rudy Pavic]

Start handing out the Magna Carta again at school, be like, let's follow this shit. This is when this all started. We were great back in the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Got one more.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, we can do one more real quick. Let's see. So rfk, we are making foster care great again. If you remember, Biden excluded Christian families from the foster care system, excluding an entire class of people because of their religious beliefs. It was told that and told states to actually pass laws refusing families who had certain religious beliefs, mainly Christianity. Before, it was one child for every one home. Now, because of excluding Christians, it's now become two children for everyone home. And now we are taking that out of the equation and starting to go back and allowing more Christian people to be able to foster children. I don't understand why that's a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

It's A problem because if you foster a 9 year old, you have to agree that you'll pay to get his dick cut off if he feels like his dick is haunted. And if you don't sign up for the dick cutting off, if you don't agree with mutilating kids that are severely troubled mentally, if you don't agree to mutilate their bodies, then you can't be the custodian of them. By the way, next thing you know you're gonna be talking about the ten commandments at dinner. Please, we don't want any of that. We want fucking heretic, lunatic, fucking lefty LGBT nut jobs who were molested their whole fucking life whose brains are scrambled to hurry up and inject a bunch of hormones into these people so they can scramble the kids. And if they're gay they gotta find them a. There's a kenner makes a toy called my first cock and they have to go down to the third toy aisle at the Target. That's in San Francisco, that Gavin Newsom mandated. We need a gender neutral toy aisle. And you gotta go buy my first cocktail and then bring it home and teach them how to suck it when they're nine. Otherwise you can't foster a kid. That's Joe Biden, everybody. But to be fair, it's not Joe Biden. Joe Biden's a brain dead old fucking grifter. It's the young fuck who's setting the agenda. Who did the white supremacy? Remember white supremacists? The biggest problem we have is the Christian nationalists and the white supremacists. So we have to declare an invisible war on them as if they're fucking problem. And we're not gonna talk about the transgender community shooting up schools or any of that cuz that flies in the face of all our shit. Focus January 6th and Christians. Yeah, that's what we want. That's what happened. Joe Biden's a piece of shit. And his cabinet was a piece of shit too. And I don't know why he gets this Uncle Joe, steady old guy bullshit. These guys were destructive and a lot of their policies were basically like fuck anyone up who disagrees with us. Tap their phone, get them thrown off the Internet, anything that has to do with COVID fuck them up. There's an alternative opinion. And if you believe in Christ and you wanna raise your kid in a sane environment, and no, you don't believe in cutting off 9 year olds genitalia, then we're gonna fucking declare a war on you. Good. Good job folks. I guess that's when the adults got back into the room. Remember the adults who got back into the room? That was adult and addled old grifter who used the auto pan and let everyone else make all the fucking decisions. That was the whose cabinet was a fucking rogues gallery of di hires who were completely incompetent. That's the adults. That's their version of adults entering back into the room.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, well, luckily people are catching on because his $300,000 speaking engagements are now going out the window. They're not bringing them in like they used to.

[Adam Carolla]

So he doesn't do speaking engagements. He does gibberish engagements. All right, Elaine Coladi, our old friend, is going to come in. She's got a lot of thoughts. She's got her finger on the pulse of everything California and has got some Swalwell thoughts and gubernatorial thoughts. And we'll do all that right after this. Bowl and Branch. If you notice your sheets slipping off the corners lately, or maybe your pillows just don't feel supportive anymore. Most people keep their bedding for way too long. And that's why I upgraded my bed with bowl and branch. Listen, at my age, sleep is not negotiable. And bolen Branch bedding is designed for exactly that kind of rest. I mean, study after study about how important sleep is. Please, people. I can say I've genuinely been sleeping better since I made the switch to bowl and branch. I started with just the signature sheets, but I just got the waffle blanket and now the whole bed feels amazing. It's bowl and branch. Right?

[Show Announcer]

Dawson, upgrade your sleep with bowl and branch. Get 15 off your first order plus free [e-mail] ACS with code ACS. That's bowl and branch. B O L L a n d branch.com ACS code ACS to unlock 15 off exclusions apply.

[Adam Carolla]

Cheers. Well, I'm getting a little bit older now and I have a couple of beers at home. I can kind of feel it the next day. And that's why there's Cheers. When I tried Cheers to restore, I was a bit skeptical at first, but the next morning caught me off guard and I felt real good, real normal. And that's what Cheers does. You take it after your last drink before bed and it works while you sleep. Their claim to fame is you feel 50% better or your money back. The DHM in Cheers works while you sleep to smooth out that rebound for your brain. Cheers is backed by doctors, PhDs and over 1,000 verified clinicians.

[Show Announcer]

It's Cheers right Dawson, take Cheers Restore after your last drink or before going to bed and wake up feeling at least 50% better or your money back. For a limited time, our listeners are getting 20% off their entire order by using code [e-mail] just head to cheershealth.com and use code ADAM for 20% off after your purchase. They will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Elaine Culotti there, I got it right. Running for Governor, California, Cilotte 4. California is where you go. Elena's front and center and all the fire stuff and all the Palisade stuff and has her finger on the pulse of the scene, the political scene in California at Los Angeles. So Swalwell is out. What do you know about Swalwell?

[Elaine Culotti]

Well, God, I mean, way too much now. I mean, I think we know a

[Adam Carolla]

lot, but now what did you know before that?

[Elaine Culotti]

Before I knew that he was involved in mortgage fraud. He was involved with Fang Fang. Fang Fang Fang Fang's the spy. Spy, right. And then he was also heavily involved in J6. He was one of the J6 guys. And he was in the twice impeaching Trump stuff. He ran at the convention like six weeks ago on Gonna get Trump. And worst of all, I think worst of all for anybody here in California, he also incited Californians to break the law. When it came to think I. And so for me, these things were really, really crazy. Why does it take basically a rape victim to get a guy out of a race?

[Adam Carolla]

It's really weird. So we have a thing in politics which is you are a shitty, destructive politician who fucking lies and lies and you're super destructive, but we need somebody to accuse you of rape for you to quit. So it'd be like saying, I'm the worst transmission repair mechanic ever, but I'll never get fired from the transmission shop. But all I do is fuck up transmissions. And that's all I've done for 20 years. But if the secretary said I molested her, then I got a hand in my ranch. And it's like, how about we get rid of these people for just being shitty at transmission workers? Right? So he's fucking horrible. So everyone on our side aisle is glad he's gone. He would have been the governor of California.

[Elaine Culotti]

I think he was definitely tracking to be the governor of Cal. The problem is. Yes, okay. Yes, yes. And now it's Steyer.

[Adam Carolla]

Tom Steyer. I can't wrap my mind around this guy. He seems fucking nuts. Like his entire. He's a billionaire who earned his own money, whose thoughts are abolish ice. He runs a commercial. We ran a commercial. Tom Steyer is the one with the lunch lady, the fat lunch lady who's like, tom Steyer wants every meal free for everybody, all the time. It's like this guy's plan is get rid of ice, open the border and make all the kids fat with free food.

[Elaine Culotti]

Well, first of all, he's a for profit prison guy. You know that, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Elaine Culotti]

Okay, so the for profit prison, by the way, has two huge prisons in California and they are ICE detention centers. And he just wrote a five point how to get rid of ICE out of California open borders policy. And he is running on it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what he's running on. So is it basically just going, let's put it to you this way. California's like, it's fucking Mexico at this point. So is he just going, fuck it, I'm just gonna get all the Mexicans to vote for me. Is he doing this? I hate vegans. I hate vegans and vegetarians for the most part. And I love barbecue, but I'm looking around and I see that almost everyone's a vegan and almost everyone is a vegetarian. And now I'm gonna change my barbecue policy and just go, I love vegans and I want some tofurkey. I mean, is that basically what he's doing?

[Elaine Culotti]

No, I think he legitimately got involved in for profit prison, made $20 million out of Texas. And then he did.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, he made $20 million?

[Elaine Culotti]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he divested out of the company. But he didn't divest.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought he was a billionaire.

[Elaine Culotti]

Well, the 20 million's annual.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay, well then he makes 20 million a year.

[Elaine Culotti]

You don't divest. If you want to get out and have a better optic, you give that money away or you donate it to charity, you say, I'm sorry, I didn't know that's what I was involved in. That's not what happened. He sold it for profit and he's in profit prison making business. It's terrible. You don't go around.

[Adam Carolla]

But he wants to get rid of

[Elaine Culotti]

ice, and the ICE are detaining all those people in his prisons, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but what do you think? So you're saying he legitimately just wants to get rid of ice?

[Elaine Culotti]

Not, I think he legitimately has absolutely no power to do that or open the borders. It's a federal issue and they're breaking the law.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's not the question I'm asking. I'm trying to figure out what he wants to do with ice.

[Elaine Culotti]

He wants ICE abolished. He wrote a five because he wants anybody that is incarcerated that is here to be able to stay here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Elaine Culotti]

It's a total like, doesn't matter.

[Show Announcer]

He's.

[Adam Carolla]

And why does he want that? Like, is he just saying it to get votes from Hispanics?

[Elaine Culotti]

I think the whole concept of who these people are that are running is completely lost on all Californians. This is not a politician. This is a movement to take California. It's Democratic socialists. They have it on their website and on their website they have a covenanted agreement. If you sign up and give a democratic socialist money, you are part of the Democratic Socialist Party where you co govern. It's a co governance agreement. This is going on throughout the Democratic Party. Last night I went to the Sherman Oaks Homeowners association meeting.

[Adam Carolla]

You did?

[Elaine Culotti]

Yes. And all the Democrats there, they know that there's a Democrat socialist movement in California and they don't to want it. And they're Democrats.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Nithya Raman is a socialist and I would argue Bass is a socialist. I mean, she loves herself some Cuba and some Fidel Castro. So we essentially. So the mayor of Los Angeles is going to be a socialist. Essentially. So there's that. So you're saying the Democrats don't want to it.

[Elaine Culotti]

They don't want it. The Democrats don't. It's only 6%.

[Adam Carolla]

Why are they letting their party be hijacked?

[Elaine Culotti]

All of the money that comes from the Soros groups and all of the funding for all of the Black Lives Matter and all of the protesting create 5,000 people in a ground game. They door knock and they win because they have a ground game. Imagine me going around South Central, knocking on doors, saying, hi, I'm at Lane Kaladi, I'm running for governor.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's not possible.

[Elaine Culotti]

And at the end of the day, if we don't have a middle party in California, we can't get out from underneath it.

[Adam Carolla]

So what do you think? We have the lunch lady, by the way. Yes. Tom Steyer literally says he wants to abolish ice and I have no idea why that's attractive to citizens who every other day there's a story about an illegal killing an American. I have no fucking idea. Anyway, we'll play this. Play the lunch lady.

[Lana Turner]

This is her. I'm the lunch lady.

[Rosie O'Donnell]

I cook for over 200 kids every single day.

[Lana Turner]

You would be amazed by how many kids come to school hungry. Finally, someone Got off and did something about it. And that was Tom Styre. Free school meals for every California kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Your baby, my baby.

[Lana Turner]

Free lunches, Free breakfast every day.

[Elaine Culotti]

That's 3 million lunches a day I

[Lana Turner]

get to make 200 of. That's why I trust Concept to be our governor, because he fights for us.

[Booking.com Announcer]

Don't just tell me.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, I don't know what kitchen she's working in. I was slopped at my school. Like, they just had packaged meat that sat in a pig. They're not chopping onions at school. They're not chopping onions in school. She's chopping up fresh produce.

[Elaine Culotti]

I got squares.

[Adam Carolla]

I got weird square pizza. Is that a fancy school? You have to say that. All right.

[Elaine Culotti]

Yeah, it's some fancy school somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so now who? All right, so Swalwell was gonna be the governor.

[Elaine Culotti]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And now he's gone. Good. He's a douchebag. But I don't even care about his rape history. He would have raped California, essentially, with his horrible ideas. Newsom's gonna run for president, which I'm in love with that idea. I hope his wife just keeps talking. And then there is Katie Porter, baby. Oh, Katie Porter.

[Elaine Culotti]

She's number two.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's number one?

[Elaine Culotti]

Number one is Steyer. Number two is Porter. Number three is Hilton. And then you can go back and forth. Like, sometimes Hilton is two.

[Adam Carolla]

I've seen Hilton being number one sometimes. But let's just say if it comes down to. And you can find Katie Porter and why I hate Katie Porter with what we talked about, Chase Bank, I think it was Andrew. So here's the thing. If it comes down to Steyer and Hilton, you think Steyer's gonna win.

[Elaine Culotti]

Well, I think this is what I think in the jungle primary is the time to make a decision about who you want to be governor. And you can't do it if you don't have a three party race because you have 60% Democrat stronghold. So even if you get a Republican through the primary, then you're screwed on the other end of it.

[Adam Carolla]

So you need two Republicans.

[Elaine Culotti]

You either need two Republicans or a Republican and a moderate and a mid person.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, that ain't Steyer and that ain't Katie Porter. Now, so here's the thing about Katie Porter and also Andrew, you can find the clip of her ending the interview, which is good. I like that. Then I'll tell you what. I'll get to this. We'll do the ending the interview one first. But here's the thing. About Katie Port, Katie Porter. They make a big deal cuz they say she dumped a pot of mashed potatoes on her husband's head. I don't give two fucks about that. If she was a good governor, I don't care who's a pot, whose head, whatever. And then there's another clip of her yelling at her employees. I don't look at that as a strike. I like people who yell at their employees. I'm completely fine with that. Then there's her walking out of an interview which I don't like because the person's asking follow up questions. You're sitting down for an interview. I don't know what your rules are but you should have no rules. But if you're a politician you're being interviewed, your rules should be no rules whatever, ask me anything you want. But here's her Sorry, what part of

[Lana Turner]

I'm me, I'm running for governor because I'm a leader. Single question you ask, ask every other candidate has answered. I don't care. I, I want to have a pleasant positive conversation which you ask me about every issue on this list and if every question you're going to make up a follow up question then we're never going to get there and we're just going to circle around. I have never had to do this before ever. You've never had to have to end an interview. Okay, but every other candidate has done this so I am going to make so you're not going to answer questions from reporters. Okay, why don't we go through. I will continue to ask follow up questions because that's my job as a journalist but I will go through and ask these and if you don't want to answer, you don't want to answer. So nearly every legislative I am, I don't want to have an unhappy experience with you and I don't want this all on camera. I don't want to have an unhappy experience with you either.

[Adam Carolla]

Well we don't have the clip. The clip is her leaving though this the same interview but the clip she gets up and she leaves. Which is weird cuz that's the only one I've seen. But that's the same interview, just a different.

[Elaine Culotti]

Oh she definitely gets up right after

[Adam Carolla]

that she gets up and leaves. Okay listen, we just went through this with Joe Biden who locked himself in a basement and then turned out to be a deranged addled old race hustling fuck. I don't wanna go through this again. I want people to ask follow up Questions. I want them to be vetted. Joe Biden was not vetted. We thought we voted for something other than what we got.

[Elaine Culotti]

Well, he never came out. I mean, Kamala Harris might be a write in, but we'll get to that in a minute. Let me just finish something about Katie Porter. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Elaine Culotti]

Number one, you might not care about the potato thing, but to me, that's assault. Especially if it really was spoiling. So to me, you got a woman that can't sit through an interview that yells her deployment and dumped cars yelling, employees don't care. That's three things.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody I like has yelled at their employees.

[Elaine Culotti]

That's three things. At some point. That's three things that I think. No, it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not. Mark Garagos has yelled at his employees. I love Mark Garagos.

[Elaine Culotti]

I want to point out something more important.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Leon. Employees is nothing. That's zero.

[Elaine Culotti]

Katie Porter worked in the UC district. School district. She's a professor or something like that. She lives in basically discounted housing because of her state job. And. And she is still in that housing without that job, which is highly, highly illegal. She needs to get out of her house. She lives in a half million dollar house that's worth $1.4 million.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Say it again.

[Elaine Culotti]

She lives in a half a million dollar house that's worth $1.4 million.

[Adam Carolla]

What does that mean?

[Elaine Culotti]

It is not housing for people that are not that.

[Adam Carolla]

She lives in a half million dollar house.

[Elaine Culotti]

She has government subsidies for the house so that she can live in it. It's student. And teachers and universities have university housing.

[Adam Carolla]

So she lives in a $1.5 million house. And she's being subsidized.

[Elaine Culotti]

And she's being subsidized. Okay, but not with a job that allows for subsidies.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Got that.

[Elaine Culotti]

No longer employed.

[Adam Carolla]

I was just confused about that.

[Elaine Culotti]

That's called taking advantage of the system. Yeah, and I don't like that.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Elaine Culotti]

And I don't like the potato thing. I hate the potato thing.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, everyone's had a fucking blowout with their partner. Everyone has yelled at their employees. So remove those two things. Here's what I don't like about her. It's the chase. And I don't know if. Don't worry about that other clip. We got it. She doesn't wanna do an interview. She's a bitch. But here's. She's mean, obviously. But listen, I'm sure Winston Churchill was mean. I'm fine with that. Go win the war. These guys can't win the war. But I'll show you why. I hated her five or six years ago. And it was. I didn't know who she was five or six years ago, but there was this Chase Manhattan Chase bank situation. And I read it and I was like, fuck this bitch. So here's the old deal. Chase runs a campaign, and this is 2019. This is seven years ago. Seven years ago. It's so weird how clips work. Cuz we can't find the one where she leaves. And that's the only one I've ever seen. So did they scrub it?

[Elaine Culotti]

I bet you they took it down.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, anyway, here's Chase. Chase is running a campaign, and it says you. Why is my balance so low? Meaning my bank balance. Bank account. Make coffee at home, all right? Don't buy Starbucks for 11 bucks. Bank account. Eat the food that's already in the fridge. Bank account. You don't need a cab and it's only three blocks. All right? So basically it's a campaign where you're talking to your bank account going, how come I don't have more money? And the bank account is saying, make coffee at home. Don't Uber everywhere. Get some exercise and take a walk. And why don't you cook some meals at home instead of going out to eat? And you would have more money in your bank account. These are all things that your grandfather would have said to you when you were young. If you said, I don't have any money, they'd go, will you go out to. And you get $9 Starbucks coffees every morning. No wonder you have no. And you eat at fancy restaurants. Why not cook at home? Okay, this is basic, normal American talk. And it's gone on for 2,000 years. Republican. I'm sorry, Representative Katie Porter had to insert herself into this campaign and said, hey, Chase, try paying your workers more. Families aren't spending frivolously. They're trying to pay rent. Okay, first off, this is incoherent. It has nothing to do with what Chase is saying. I don't know what Chase pays their employees. They can not work for Chase if they don't want to work for Chase. No one says you have to work for Chase. They're not talking about rents. They're talking about spending frivolously, which is a universal truth that everyone should back. And especially poor people should not be spending on a bunch of expensive shit like going out to eat coffees and tattoos and bullshit like that. But Katie had to get involved with this. I have no idea what her point is, other than attacking Chase because Chase has money and her constituency are poor, dumb people. But this is the way she thinks. A bank sort of just says, save some money and stop squandering your money, people. And she has to insert herself into this very basic discussion. Attack Chase and then explain they're not paying their employees and then explain these poor people are trying to make rent. She's almost as retarded as Nithya Raman is. And I don't want those people making policy decisions.

[Elaine Culotti]

Well, she doesn't have any policy. Didn't she.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, she doesn't have any policy.

[Elaine Culotti]

She was at the convention, the Democratic convention, six weeks ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she led the fuck up.

[Elaine Culotti]

She had a whiteboard.

[Adam Carolla]

It just. Right. She had a whiteboard. Her policy is fuck Trump.

[Elaine Culotti]

That is not all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I live in California. I don't care if you hate Trump. I care about wildfire.

[Elaine Culotti]

Do you understand? These are your options? Okay, These are your options. Katie, Porter and Steyer. And do you want to get into the other one? You want to talk about mayhem? Which one you want to go to now?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we don't have enough time. All right. We're all going to have to leave.

[Elaine Culotti]

At the end of the day. We got to figure out how to bring up the middle because it's 41% of Californians and it gives you a three party race.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me give you a plug C. For California. All right?

[Elaine Culotti]

Can I give you one plug?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Elaine Culotti]

Okay. I went to the Belly up on Sunday and saw you. It was amazing. For any of you guys who haven't seen Adam live and the Vince Vaughn accent guy was insane. It was amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Kite, I'm glad you had a good time.

[Elaine Culotti]

I had a great time.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate it. All right, you can go to AdamKroll.com for all the live shows. Until next time, this is Adam for Rudy and Lana Turner and Elaine Culadi saying, Mahala, leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744.

[Show Announcer]

Get tickets to see the Ace man at Adam Corolla.com.

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[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Lana Turner]

This is the mindset.

[Elaine Culotti]

Free.

[Lana Turner]

This is the mantra. Free. This is

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[Elaine Culotti]

Huzzah.

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[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Lana Turner]

This is the mindset.

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[Lana Turner]

This is the mantra Free. This is the

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[Elaine Culotti]

Huzzah.

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