Giovanni (0:16)

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans select the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Coral Classics with the archives exclusively available through Adam Gorilla Substack. You can find that show ad free as well as other ad free releases and the brand new show Beat it out with Adam Carolla and Jay Moore. Check out Adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip please email us classicsamcarolla.com now onto the clips coming up. Today we have a very special Croll Classics for the holidays. We're once again going to be playing the history of the ACE Awards. Ads removed, extra stuff removed, mostly just the awards. Some topical rants left in kind of a Chopped and screwed edition. We done it several times over the years. We've gone forward through the history, we've gone backwards. We've done the Chopped and screwed editions. For people who aren't familiar with ACE Awards, it's a long running tradition that started back in 2006. Many radio shows and other media properties will have annual look at what we did this year. Shows, you know, bottle episodes, flashback episodes, greatest hits and typically it's fairly lazy or they just play some select clips. The producers set up the ACE awards starting in 06 were really well produced and really funny. They really kind of nailed the presentation and it really worked. So they continue to do the ACE Awards for 2007 with Danny Bonaduce. Adam didn't attend that ACE awards in 07 and then in 2008 they did the ACE Awards again, one of the best ones they've ever done. Then in 09 because they switched from the radio show format with a daily podcast release, they recorded all of January, most of February because that was done. And then he now had to switch over to a podcast format. They didn't have access to that first month and a half or more of those shows, so they wouldn't be able to use those in a Cruel Classics that year. Not that all the clips would come from there, but at least some of them would have. And also the staff in place weren't carryovers from the show. They were all new staffers who were no longer there and they didn't necessarily have the interest in continuing the radio show format until 2010 once everybody decided that's what they were going to do and that was the winning formula and they really know what they were doing. 2010 the ACE Awards come back. We have them again in 2011, 2012, and so on all the way through. They've happened every single year. And we'll be playing every ACE Awards from 2010 onwards, starting today. Coming up first, we have Adam Carilla, show 467. This is in between news girls. Allison basically was a lock for the job but hadn't been hired yet. And Brian Bishop joins Adam for the ACE Awards of 2010, the first done for the podcast. Hope you guys enjoy. All right, should we do a couple ACE Awards? Yeah, start that. Let's get started with that. What do we got? This is best musical performance. Ah. Okay. Best musical performance. The nominees for best musical performance are. Bald Brian for Isaac Hayes and Joan Osborne mashup. I'm gonna die. When he says, yeah, again, I'm gonna die. God is great. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. I love that. I can't get enough. We have to release this Mary Lynn Rice cup for rapping to her son. I use this in the morning with my son. Change your poopy diaper if you want to go to school. Do you want to go to. Let's get that poopy diaper off. Let's brush your teeth. No, you don't wanna brush your teeth. How about a bath? You don't wanna take a bath. Take off your pajamas. Gotta take off your pajamas if you wanna go to school. Seriously. You gotta take off your pee pee poopy diaper. Because people at school don't wear pee pee poo poo diapers. Wow. Josh Gardner, Untitled Folk Song. I wrote this song when I was in college. I was a freshman and had never really been away from home. I miss my girlfriend a lot. She still had three more years of high school, but I had my guitar and I heard there was an open mic night at the coffee house, so I went down there, just kind of wong it, you know? And this is what I came up with. You know, I need you, but I need to love you better. I need to love you like the winter needs a sweater. Oh, my. Oh, yeah. Ooh. Turns out the dean was at the show and I got suspended for the whole semester. My parents were really PO'd because they had played the tuition in full, but. Oh, my pussy tonight. Yeah. The great Josh Garner, everybody. Well, the best music physical performance. Let's figure out who won this baby. And. And the winner is. Isaac Hayes. Wasn't sure if I was doing that or not. Yeah. Isaac. Isaac. You must be surprised. Yeah. Yeah, you are you a big Fan of Joan Osborne. Yeah. Oh, you like her? Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't, you know, I didn't know if you guys crossed paths before. It's good. Uh huh. Yeah. So you. Oh, well, yeah. It's ironic that she's singing about God being one of us and you being dead and all. This is a good thing. Okay, good. So you won that trophy. We'll go ahead and get that right out to you. Work. Yeah. I don't know. This is uncomfortable, Isaac. I'm not sure how we get you to plaque or the trophy or the certificate. Yeah. All right. You don't really need it where you're at anyway, right? No, no. Taking harp lessons, sitting on a cloud, sometimes having sex with Princess Grace. Yep. Wow. Isaac Hayes and Princess Grace on the same cloud. That'd be awesome. Yeah. Well, congratulations, big man. We really appreciate it. Coming up next, I believe we have best impression. Let's see who the candidates are. The nominees for best impression are. Dana Gould as Huell Howser. I saw the book Our Bodies, Ourselves. And what many people won't know is that women have a bum in their front and they throw up people with it. No, no fuel. It's called a vagina. I don't know. I don't speak Spanish. But what I do know is that they have, like, a man. They have what I could only call a front bum and something happens where they poop like a little dude. Frank Stallone as Sylvester Stallone. If I said to him, you know, a year ago, what's up with Frank? Well, what do you think he would say? He probably wouldn't say anything, but what if I got him drunk and said, what's up with Frank? And what if I gave him a Quaalude and I asked him, what's up with Frank? What if I gave him an ether rag and asked him what's up with Frank? And Dana Gould as Paul Stanley from Kiss that they had. They never bothered to loop Paul Stanley's speaking voice, which is really like star child demon. Terry and Julia trapped on the Ferris wheel at the amusement park. I know. We better save them. He was like a gay guy from Flatbush, like your aunt. He's like, your mom's. Your mom's friend. Right? Star child demon. I had half a coffee cake here and now it's gone. What the hell? If you just told me you wanted it, I would have bought two. I had a coupon. Oh, the great Dana Gould. And the winner in the best impression category is. Frank Stallone. American Indian Accepting his award. Ah, boy, we got. We got some good stuff coming up. We got best fight coming up. Best reign ackman coming up. I just realized I think you can pretty much give the award to whoever you want. Because there's like. There's no, like, you know, envelope or recorded announcement. We can give it to whoever we want. All right? We can just yell out whatever we want. Yeah, whatever makes you laugh the most, I guess, or what have you. You know what? You're right. You're right. Yeah. Should we. You know what? Let me give a quick shout out to one of our fine sponsors. That's right. Pinnacle college always wanted to work in the music industry. Hmm. Technology. Now on your side, namely pinnacle college, they can show you how they got computers, music software and applications. They will teach you how to do it. Want to get in it. Maybe you want to do this. Maybe you want to sit in the next room with Dawson and the wheeze. Yeah. Pinnacle college will teach you the necessary how to work the software. Apple logic, pro tools, Cubase. Again, I don't know what cubase is, but they'll teach it to you. Classes start January 31st. I think our own Dawson's going over there on the 24th. Is that right, Dawson? I think that's when school starts for the audio engineering program. I'll have to double check if I heard old dog like Dawson can still be taught a few new tricks by our good friends over at pinnacle college. And again, let's focus, people. Forget about the five years of putzing around humboldt state and coming back with a nice buzz and a suntan and a scar from a hacky sack injury. Contact pinnacle college at pinnaclecollege edu or give him a call. 8772-0662-0687-7206-6206. Good people, good program. Let's get going and we'll become renaissance men tomorrow. All right, shall we keep moving with the ace awards. What's up next? The nominees for best reenactment are Adam and Bryan cranston as Charles manson and Tex Watkins. Had to be weird. Like at some point when Charlie pulled texas side and like Charlie was like, look, once you gather up all the super sexually active hot 19 year olds who don't mind pulling trains all week weekend along with us over here, I want you to have a security get him some steak knives and send them up the hill to do some high profile murdering. And text must have been like, I'm sorry, what was that last part, Charlie? We have a pretty good Thing going on here. I wonder what you kill everyone on a hill. We're stealing steak knives. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying no more orgies. No more orgies. No, no, no, no. We're killing now. Oh, we're killing them all right. No, no, no. Text. Hold on. No, not sexually. I need. What I need you to do is get some knives together, okay? I'm going to stay here. You're staying here? I'm going to stay here. I'm getting knives. Bring the Oldsmobile around. Get all the hot 19 year olds we're formally having sex with. Don't kill him in the car. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Put them in the car. Put them in the car. Go up to the hill, okay? And go find, like, Sharon Tate's house. It's Stab everybody. I have one of them stars, maps, magazines. I use that. Okay? Use that. But again, the sexual party is over for a little while down here. We're gonna start a race ride, all right? Adam and Teresa as Joe and Jessica Simpson. You could see her dad having talks with her when she was 16 or 15 and a half. Listen, hold on. Let me put my other stud earring on. Hold on. How my tips look? Excellent. Okay, now listen. You got those huge jugs, yeah, Those big juicy decals, beautiful supple powders, but they're massive areolas. And there could be plenty of boys that are going to want to get their hands, neigh mouth, beautiful, beautiful, milky, milky, smooth, white, heaving jugs of yours, okay? They're gonna want to do things called the motorboat. There's something called TF in that. I. I got. Honey, get. Get the dry erase board. I gotta draw this one out. Hold on. How my tip's looking. Can we end family meeting? Okay? But point is this. You don't give it up. Don't give it up for none of them. At some point, some guy coming along playing the blues guitar, some skin, skinny white guy with a cool haircut wears one of them Borat Speedos on a cruise ship. He's gonna want to get at them milky white jokes. Don't you let him touch it, dad. Don't you let him get near those big, heaving, inflated, milky, beautiful, supple and soft to the touch, okay? Don't you ever let him do that. You keep your purity for some guy in a boy's band. All right? Can we have a catch? Yeah, let's have a catch. Catch his big jugs ears. Adam as Angelina Jolie's hitman. I'd Be a great hitman for Angelina Jolie. So I'd be like, all right, I'm gonna eat half now and then half after I rape you. Sorry. That's a hit. And then. Oh, did I say that out loud? Right? I meant. Sorry. Half now, then half after. I'm killing you. Make it look like an accident. Right. So there's an attempted race. This rape will definitely look like. I mean. Damn it. Sorry. I was just raping, so it's on my mind. Sorry, what are we talking about again? Oh, yeah. Half now, half after the killing. Sorry. That's right. There'll be no raping your court. That's redemption. But if they were to find semen. But if they were to find some semen, I do feel like that would, you know, throw them off. No one's gonna think you killed yourself with a penis. I think that was when Angelina Jolie was talking about hiring a hitman to kill her. Yeah, that was. I think that was the story. There was some story that she was gonna commit suicide by hiring a hitman to get her. That's where they make it look as though she'd been killed. Yeah. Well, you know, I gotta agree with this one. Although I do love me as Joe Simpson. But the winner, me and Bryan Cranston. Yeah. Yeah. He does a hell of a Tex Watson. Hell of a. No, better text. Condolences to the runners up, Adam Carolla and Adam Carolla. That's right. When they do Tex Watson the musical, you know his phone's gonna be ringing off the hook. All right, now, one I've been looking forward to for a while. This is best. The fight. The hell can this be? The nominees for best fight are Adam and Donnie in clips for live shows. I've given you the speech a million times on the live shows. Going to pay the bills. And you're. Have I disagreed? No, no, you don't disagree. You disagree by not writing down things when I say, hey, here's what we need for the lives. Right here. Right here is where you go, yes, sir, mister. No, we weren't walking to the movie theater in your room. Cultivate that. Easy when he's broadcasting the world and I'm a schmuck and owner. I called you to your room in San Jose. Well, this is what he also does. It's coded. He goes, hey, I'm watching msnbc. Turn this on. So, okay, yeah, I got it. All right, I'll see you at the movie theater downstairs. Oh, no, no. Then while we're walking. Then while we're Walking. He updates and says, hey, you know, second, that's not how it goes. No, not then when we're walking. No, I say turn it to channel 17. MSNBC. Yes, just about two minutes ago, they showed a clip. That would be awesome. I need to grab that clip. Say, you didn't say clip. You said, watch this show. It seems kind of interesting. Donnie, please hang up on yourself right now. I will throw a boot through that window. It's still. Watch this show. It seems kind. Kind of interesting. Yes, sir. Miss. That's me. That's what I do with all the clips I want for the live show. Adams And Donnie for Dr. Bruce's phone. Donnie told me to leave this thing on. I might get an emergency call, so that'd be kind of exciting. Donnie. Why did Donnie. Hold on. Did Donnie tell you to leave that on? He did. Donnie, why are you. I'm shutting it off. Don't be stupid, Donnie. Okay? You know. You know what Donnie does, is he tries to do funny producer. Oh, that was a bit. Yes. He was engineering a. No, no, no. Don't, Donnie. Don't do that. And I would normally yell more, but then you'd say, see? You yelled, and then it was funny. And Adam and Donnie in secretly recorded audio from the film vault. But, Donnie, the last film vault conversation we had was you wanted me to be a guest on their show. I don't believe I ever said yes. Gotta be honest. You didn't say guest on their show. I don't believe. What would you call it? That you get into semantics. I'm walking the out of here. They were doing a show. You asked me to be on their show. Yes. Okay. I didn't say guest on their show. I didn't. Donnie, I'm walking out. I didn't ask you to be a guest on their show. Are you nuts? You asked me to be on their show. I'm saying the word guest. But you asked me to be on their show. Did you or did you not? Well, then shut the up with I didn't ask to be a guest on their show. Wow. Sad. You know, it felt a little like Hasselhoff when his daughter was showing him tape of him with the. With the hamburger on the floor. Yeah. Geez, man. Who's there? I was there for that last fight. I was sitting on the couch, uncomfortable. That was tough. Yeah. All right. I'm not proud of that. But that was. You know, the winner is me and Donnie in the Film vault argument. Yeah. Donnie done it again. Called you up in San Jose and said There might be something interesting to check out. Wait a second. First of all, I'd like to say everything was taken out of context for this. This award show. I really get to defend myself correctly in this. You're fine. You're fine. Yeah. That was the. The film. Let's see that. I thought you. Wait a minute. We started the show. I said, can you do the Film Ball? Right, Right. I will relay the facts to this. Right. We were doing. Now we're doing the Adam Carolla show as a way to promote the launch of the Film Ball, which is coming up in, like, a week. We were pre recording it because I was out of town. We were supposed to be guests on the Adam Carolla show, and there was some confusion as to who was on whose show. Right. And I did probably say, can you do the Film Vault? Yeah. He said, like, oh, okay, I'll be a guest on their show. So when we started the show, I was just sitting there, and Brian was staring at me, and I was staring at Brian, and then people were sort of pointing the finger, and I was like, well, what do you want me to do? I'm a guest on their show. And all right. Anyway, I'm tired. Donnie, you're doing a fine job with the network. What can I say? Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I go back to the mini bikes. What's next? Should we do one? Let's do one more. Before I do another little live spot. Should we take a break? Lone Ball, by the way, named one of the top podcasts on iTunes. 2010. I saw that. And why not? By the way? It's a great podcast. I meant to ask you, by the way, what's your favorite episode? Mm, mine definitely have to be the best Film fights. Yeah, we never did that. You should do that one. You totally should. You should totally do that one, dude. You should come on our show or vice versa for that episode. Love that. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Well, we're back with the ACE Awards, and still plenty of show to go. We have the most awkward moment. I'm curious. Guest of the year. Rant of the year. I'm curious about all this. Like, if you'd said to me, you don't know what the rant of the year is, but give me one you think might be. Or give me one of the top five or top ten or something. I have no idea. I would have no idea. Guest of the year. I would have no idea. Every year we did the ACE Awards I look forward to the most sneakily under the radar, the previously awarded montage that's like a rapid fire best of the year. All funny bits, you know what I mean? It's always a funny refresher of what we've done. Best musical guest as well. Next category, please. In a ceremony held earlier, awards were handed out in the following categories. Teresa Strasser for best out of context clip. I was put on this earth for one thing and one thing only. Sucking a foot, long cock. Adam Carolla for most gracious victory, two Jamaicans. Adam. Oh, damn it. Future Makins. Cool runnings from 1993. Wow. Wow. In your head. Tumor in your head. For most ironically named guest, the most interesting man in the world. Let's not do to porn what we did to Thanksgiving by shoving a bunch of golden raisins in it and cooking trout. You know, just put a turkey in the oven. Let's get some stuff in and call it a night. We're scaring Jonathan. We got the least interested man in the studio. Yeah, sorry, Jonathan, but Jonathan, you're with me. There's nothing. Was there anything broke? Thinking about porn? No, I'm just thinking about my morals clause and I'm about. Oh, yeah, I knew that was happening. All right, well, take it easy with your porn. Please, please. He has a morals clause. Man sells beer for a living. He shouldn't have a morals clause. A sandwich in between two foxy chicks. Security expert for best new character. This morning on. On Peter Tilden's show, we interviewed this Israeli who used to be the head of security at El Al. What is. He was so angry about TSA and the people that they hire to do the security in their entire system. And an angry Israeli. This very hilarious. This is this. No jacked from five times as angry as that. They not checked from here. He called burger flippers. What a burger flipper. They stand there, they pull over the red headed women, they look into their eyes. There is nothing. He offered. He offered to help down at LAX and they said no thanks. They went down to lax. I offered my help and they told me hit the bricks. Song of the year, Rich Banks for coming on the tits. Drop sperm on her chest like paratroop. Or instead just finishing her pooper. Simple fix. All you do is pull out your dicks and leave some man paste on her nips. Coming on the tits. Coming on the tits. And caller of the year, Randy from Craigslist. Randy? Yes, I'm here. You're selling Rue McClanahan's book? Yes, I am. Mm. And you live in Hollywood. Yes, I do. All right. It's my hypotheses that. Say that again, Adam. I'm sorry. It's my hypotheses. Yeah. Dude, are you gay? That this is a gay ruse. All of these things, it's just an attempt to meet dudes on the Internet, putting the roo in. Adam, my theory is that you've written even though you're straight. And I can't believe you didn't talk about it on the Man Show. Am I right or am I right? They're. First off, you have to be gay. And secondly, you're right. I think, Adam, that you kind of tuck it under your mattress next to your play girls and that kind of thing. And when you can't sleep or when you need to use the bathroom, you just open up room of Planet Hand book. It doesn't matter what chapter it is, the beginning or the end. Like I'm Adam Carolla of the Man Show. I hate homo. I love the facts. You love me. The gays send me some naked pictures of you by chance. Randy, how much is this book going for? It's going for $5, but I will give Adam a discount. I will sell it for $4 because Jimmy Kimmel has his own show. Wow, that's cold comfort. Rarely do I get insulted and save a dollar in the same sentence. Wow, that was all the previously awarded awards. I like that. My favorite part of the award show. Yeah, me too. It is that in Memoriam thing. I don't know why. Something satisfying about it. All right, moving on with the ACE Awards. Dawson, would you like to reveal the next category? This is for Best Musical Guest. These are actual artists who came in the studio and performed. All right, the nominees for Best Musical Guest are. Hanson. When the day comes and you're feeling down in a river of trouble you're about to jump yeah. Hold on, hold on. Glenn Phillips spotted the ocean head of the trail. Where are we going so far away? Somebody told me this is the place where everything's better and everything said Walk on the ocean, step on the stones, fish becomes water Corolla. Get to the part about coming on the tents with those four minute waits Keep that breathless charm Won't you please arrange it? Course we love you and the way you listen to us tonight. Okay, a little trumpet. Now, Silver was right about the wing ball. Get that going next week. So funny. My dad turning to like a big musical ham. Is I? I'm really at this. I'm doing some math. By the time he's 135. He's going to be ready for Knott's Berry Farm. Yeah, that's the math I've done. He's like a Benjamin Button fund. It's really weird because I must have been the 70s or something the whole time I was growing up with him. He played the trumpet once in a while. He never sang. He was like. It was like it got away from him. And then all of a sudden, he turned like he got into his 70s, and all of a sudden the horn found him again. Which makes you wonder, like, what's going to happen to us? All of a sudden I'm going to wake up at 71 and go, anyone got a harp? Someone's going to go, huh? Give me that harp. I gotta play that harp. I wonder what's gonna happen. Well, anyway, the winner, Best musical Guest, a legacy. Jim Carolla, everybody. Yeah. All right. Boy, what do we got? He would be here to accept his award personally, but he's at the Clippers game. Except for the street lights are on. Yeah, yeah. He's courtside of the Clippers. He likes the Clippers. I guarantee he's never been to a Clipper game. What would you. If I said my dad was sitting there telling me how much you like the Clippers last time he did the show. What if I said this, Brian? What if I said this? You give me $100 to my $5,000, I'll give you if my dad's ever been to a clippers game. Well, 50 to one shot. Would you take those odds? I would take those odds based on the odds and also because maybe someone like a work friend, you know, there could be a story he accidentally ended up there after, like, going to a blue. A jazz club one night, he was coming back in the sports arena. Could be a story there. It's like the time he knew Dr. Drew's last name when we did my terrestrial morning show. I brought him in and I did this thing with him where I said, look, I'm going to give you $5,000 if you can name the radio station that I was on for the last 11 years. I think that was day one of the show, by the way. Day one of the show. And he came up with some of the name. To be fair to him, he couldn't come up with the 106.7 Kroc part, but he came up with like, K Row or Rock or something, but he couldn't come up with the number where it was on the dial. That much I knew. I said, I Had five or ten grand in it for him if he could come up with the name of the puppet show that I did on Comedy Central. And by the way, I think, coincidentally, Jimmy was wearing a crank anchor shirt at the time, which we thought might trigger something, but I didn't come up with that. And then I think I said I'd give him like $3,500 if he could come up with Dr. Drew's last name. And he said, pinsky. And I said, what? Because there's one thing I know, it's people and their consistency. And I. And there's Loveline fans who might not know that. You know what I mean? The casual Loveline fan may not know his last name. It's not out there every day. And I said, how that Maybe it was five grand. I was so sure he wouldn't know Dr. Drew's last name. And he had arranged a meeting or somebody with him, a consultation or something with him days earlier and looked up his name or found out his name. Just so. You can never count on these things. That's my point. I would have given you 50 to 1 on the last name of Drew, except for who would have known about my dad living out in Pasadena, Drew working out in Pasadena, and some sort of consultation on some medical thing two days earlier. Right, whatever. Thank you, Drew. All right, should we get to what we have? Oh, our next Most Awkward Moment. I'm looking forward. Yeah, me too. The nominees for Most Awkward Moment are Teresa and Brad Garrett for Oral Sex Discussion. But if I'm ranking, I would even put giving before receiving. Oh, really? Wow. I wish you said something earlier. No, I'm telling you, I. No, I find. I find it interesting. Interesting? You know, you rather give than take. I don't find it. I don't find it unpleasant. Well, no, it's not unpleasant, but I mean, you know, do you feel guilty when you come. Oh, my God. Adam, Teresa and Rochelle Spector for Phil Spector discussion. I mean, the media just portrays him to be some type of, like, convicted of murder. So you're saying that he's not nearly as eccentric as we all are led to believe. You know what this was? It was just all folk tales and stories. And that wouldn't happen with Larry Miller, for instance, the guest that just. Well, he also didn't create the wall of sound and change the way music is today either. But that's another. That's a completely separate subject than being sort of nutty. I'm just saying. Okay, well, he's not nutty whatsoever. I'M not trying to put him down. I don't know. It sounds like it is, but what I'm saying is, is he obviously cultivated this and sort of likes the attention or likes the hairstyles, for example. Yeah. Just being. Well, I like his hair and I did his hair. So I'm not saying. Oh, sorry. Here's what I'm saying. Actually, I'm here to talk about the record. I know he hasn't produced or released new material in almost 30 years. And Teresa and Dag. For Dag Insults. Teresa's book. Hey, tell me about Terry's book. Terry's book. Second words. Get into it. Don't you think if you let me get 30 seconds in, it will be more painful? 30's gonna feel like a lifetime. But 11 seconds. Yeah, there we go. I'll interview it. To me, the book. First off, how does the process work? Do they approach you not saying anything for a lot less? And if this was your experience while pregnant, go ahead. Yeah, I started a blog called Exploiting My Baby. Yeah, right. I remember that one. Where I wrote My Innermost Box. Huh. All right. My father's full of mucus. Yes. Every day. This is about your baby. It's about being pregnant. The key. And we're both about pregnancy. You know what? That is an amazing idea. This is supportive September. I've never heard of a concept about a woman writing about funny things that happen when you're knocked up. Good luck with that. It sounds hilarious. Wow. Wow, this is tough. And the winner, the Most Awkward Moment, Dag and Teresa Strasser. Yeah. Talk to Dag. Rochelle Spector was out to lunch. She was, wasn't she? Kooky, by the way, whenever. You know, I was just watching some thing on John Lennon, and John Lennon wanted to work with Phil and all that kind of stuff. You know, they're just interviewing people and they're like, well, you know, working for Phil was tough because he's nuts and he's. You know, he keeps a gun and he's always waving that gun around. And, like, by the way, how many years can you wave a gun around? You know what I mean? Before, how nutty can you be? And how long can you wave a gun around before somebody gets a bullet in the mouth? And it was a weird thing where it was like. I mean, it was just. They sort of glossed over it during this retrospective of John Lennon, but it was like, yeah. It was understood that if you worked with Phil, you had to deal with him and his gun. And people are kind of Freaked out by it, but it was like no one would take it away from him. And it's kind of a weird society we live in, if you think about it. Or maybe it was like, there's lots of rules. But on the other hand, the crazy guy's got a gun and no one's really gonna say anything about it. So it was pretty obvious that this guy loved gunplay, he loved crazy hair, and he was just clearly just out to lunch. Don't love any one thing too much because you end up creating a lot of circumstantial evidence against yourself. Like, if Jay Leno was implicated in running over somebody with a Duesenberg. Yeah. It wouldn't take a lot to believe that. Yeah. And it's like his. His defense that it could have been any Stanley Steamer in Burbank is not going to hold up real good. All right, shall we move on to the next category? Wow. Guest of the year. Excited for this one? The nominees for Guest of the Year are. Steven Adler. My personality in that band was the one who stood up to everybody, Right. And was the one who had at least a little common sense to say, hey, like, I would like Axel, if he would, like, in the middle of the first song, once or twice, he'd throw the microphone down and leave. And I would go back there and say, dude, you can't do that. And I would explain to him, I said, dude, remember when we were going to concerts how hard we had to work to save up the money to buy a ticket to go see our favorite band? All those people just did that for us. We can't just do one song. Come on. Yeah. And then he'd go back out there. You're like, do you think Paul Revere and the Raiders would have done that back in the day? One of my real friends, this guy, I'm out of here. I'm leaning on a lamppost. Two lines kicks just keep getting harder to find a Cherokee Nation. And then stepped right off the stage. Hell, no. His Raiders wouldn't let him do it. Wouldn't let him do it. No. They were dressed in cool outfits. Yeah. We were young and. And we. It was all. When you're young and have grow up with nothing, and all of a sudden, here's everything. I mean, when we. When with the drug scene back then, we wouldn't even have to open our mouth. I honestly tell you. All we would have to do is think it. And we look down at a table and there'd be drugs, right? Boom. Popped. I know you're Sober now, but could you think about some drugs for me? A little book? How do you know? I. I did drugs for 30 years. I can't just, you know, take all those memories away. I'm always going to think about it. So. So was it. It was it. So you're saying back in the day when you guys were touring, everything was landing in your lap that real fast. Would you say that the shows weren't as good as they could have been because of the drugs? Well, near the end. Yeah, near the end. On my part, you know, I threw everything away. For 20 years, I blamed, you know, Sash and Duff and Izzy and Axel for letting me down. I thought they let me down. But then when I started working with Dr. Drew and, you know, listening to him and working with him, I realized that they didn't let me down. I let them down. Right. It was me who fucked up. I took everything for granted and threw it all away. Ed Asner, no high rise has ever gone down by fire. Those buildings fell at the rate of gravity in 10 seconds flat, so. Or close to it. So I had heard, Ed, that when the impact of the plane knocked a lot of that stuff off of these beams, and then when the jed a fuel started burning, the. The beams melted. But to that you would say what? Really? Well, then who's. Who's behind it, then we'll never know from the type of. Who do you think is behind it? It. I think that there is a certain area of government which. Which probably participated in this somehow. In what way turned a blind eye or actually participated? Well, I mean, in a more proactive. Couldn't have brought them down by themselves. So you're saying that there were explosives? Explosives in the building? Bobby Lee at the end of my second season of Mad, I was taking 30 Vikings a day. I stopped showing up to, like, table reads and sketches. So they gave me intervention. There was already, like, showed up and said, get it together, dude. Yeah, there's a poster of him, you know, I mean, and then I threw away all my Viking in. Right. And they wrote me another sketch of Connie Chung sketch. And I felt fine, right? And so Friday comes and I'm, like, about to shoot the sketch. Connie Chung. They put me in the makeup, and I'm sitting in the makeup chair and I start shaking, like, to the point. Yeah, I thought I was gonna die. Like, I felt my organs. You were doing 30 a day for about how long? A couple years. A couple years? Yeah. Yeah. So. And I was drinking too, on top of that. And I'm at The set. And, you know, there's a. There's an audience. And, you know, the lights turn on and they go, action. And I go, good evening. I'm. And I was gonna say Connie Chung as I'm saying it. I pooped you. Really? In my pants. Wow. And you could see it come down the stocking. Really? Yeah. And then you cut, Right. Were you wearing pants or wearing a skirt? Dressed up as Kanye. Chunky. Keep going. I'm getting horny. And then I remember Dick Lucci, the executive producer, looking at me and going, you're gonna do this. I don't care. You're finishing it. I remember it taking two, you know, five minute sketch. Taking hours. I did line by line. And so I'm packing up my dressing room. I remember none of the cast said goodbye to me. Right. It was the last show of the season. And I remember crying off the lot. Like I just up my whole career. Wow. Provocative, moving, disturbing. And the guest of the year, Steven Adler from Guns N Roses. I like the all the man stories. And nice to seem sober. If it's any consolation of the runner up at Asner, his rant was in fact synced up to some footage from up and it's on YouTube and it's fantastic. Oh, from this show? Yeah. Some of the conspiracy theory and the old man from up. Awesome. It's fantastic. Where are we at? Big finale. Big finale. The rant of the year. I'm excited to hear this one. Who's gonna win? The nominees for rant of the year are. United Airlines. You have a policy. Fine. You have a policy. And we broke that policy. Although I would argue everyone else is being anywhere from 20 minutes to 30 minutes and you being nearly double that is a little excessive. But that's your policy. 45 minutes. And you know what? We showed up 43 minutes instead of 45 minutes before the cutoff. Deserted with. With no bags of check. But yet we did it. And technically, Donnie screwed the poo because he did not pre register us and did not check us in in advance. But here's the other thing. There's no reason for your people to be rude. There's no reason for them to throw that attitude at us. All we were trying to do is. Is we're trying to fix a conflict. And with a simple thank you or even a sorry, or let us see if we can do. Or let us at least open the computer. No, you're fucking horrible. Employees at McCarran completely and utterly flatline. No eye contact. No I feel your pain. No nothing. Just shitty God awful fucking service for people who paid to patronize your business. I don't even think it was. You will not hear the end of this. This will not be the last of it. And we will punish united in one way. Sh, shape or form. Especially talking about it. Especially the two ass wives who work that counter. Time Warner Cable woke up this morning to no Internet. It had been shut off. Why was it shut off? Well, the bill was late and then it got paid. When Lynette called them and said, hey, the bill got paid. Why did you shut it off? They said, yeah, our bad. But you were on the list to be shut off. The guy physically came over and shut the Internet off, you know, last night at some point. Now here's the beauty of it. Oh, you want a guy out. Oh boy. Let's see. Of course you get the window from 1 to 4 o'clock. I love that window. You get 1 to 4. You're lucky. I. I know you're lucky. Except for they up. They up. The bill is paid. The bill has been paid for several weeks. And they said, our bad. Now suck it off time warrant cable and Lynn and Alex and the MTV methadone joke. You know, when Prince basically announced a few weeks ago that the Internet was over. So MTV wanted to do this thing which was what were we gonna do to occupy ourselves without the Internet? Here's what I finally come up with. Call me old fashioned, but I say we replace it with family time and a little something called good conversation. Just kidding. I guess we just have to start doing massive amounts of methadone. Okay, so then I get the email back from the gay the guys and they go, MTV wants us to tweak the meth joke. I then replied it, you get nothing. Now here's the deal with these ass wives. First off, I guarantee Lynn and Alex didn't go look up what methadone was. I'll guarantee the ass wife retarded MTV didn't go look it up. It's got a complete copy context. Yes, we're weaning you off this substance you're hooked on. It's a joke, right? It's a joke from a comedian. What the is wrong with everyone? And leave me the alone. And here's the deal. Could I tweak it? Yes. Will I tweak it? You Jesus Christ. The is wrong. All you non funny people. People that don't have a creative bone in your body except the one your boyfriend just shoved up your ass. Shut the up. Shut up. You're not funny. Now shut up. Yeah, a little that's built up from a career having super unfunny people try to tweak your stuff. We'll make it funnier. I can't tell you how many notes I got writing sitcom pilots where the note was, be funnier. Make it funnier? Really? Oh, God, this town is fucking horrible. And the thing that pissed me off about that one is it was called methadone. And I got the. I got the email that said, they don't like the meth joke, as if I was talking about methamphetamine or speed. Methadone is a drug that's prescribed by doctors. Meth is something that hillbillies cook at my. Right. When your own people don't know the difference between methadone and meth. Okay, rant of the year, the methadone joke. Thank you. All right, well, how do we bring this home? I want to thank Mike lynch and Dawson. Dawson. I don't know what his last name is. Point is this, these guys work over time putting this baby together. And one day, this is going in the Smithsonian. That's right. Right next to Archie Bunker's chair and Ed Asner's retarded theories. Boy, does he hate this country. Ed Asner hates this fucking country. His son wasn't holding him back either. No. Well, I'm sure he's poisoned him a little bit too. But he started off with this weird kind of, yeah, sure, the Americans could have rescued all the Jews that were Now Schwitz in 42, but we decided not to. I was kind of like, all right, but we still. We still fought the good fight, right? And then later on, that got into the towers coming down. It's just a good old fashioned. Good old fashioned hatred for this country. So works very nice. I can tell you who's excited to defend his. His award for next year. Yeah, yeah. Isaac's already got some stuff planned for next year. All right, what day is it? What day does this show air? Friday. All right, big weekend coming up, everybody. Let's take ourselves a little extendo break. You guys enjoy yourselves over the holidays and over the weekends. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Bald Brian and Isaac Hayes saying mahalo. All right, this is Adam Curlishow 467. It was the first ever ACE Awards for the podcast. It was actually the fourth annual. Coming up next, we have Adam Curlishow 725, the very next ACE Awards, the second time done for the podcast, this time with guest Larry Miller. And of course, Allison Rosen joining them as she's now cast member of the show. Hope you guys enjoy this episode. I hope it explains a lot of misunderstanding. Oh, oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescenta renting a house, keeping that Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in stock either in store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry if you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. Need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well. Get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts, one stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car in store. Online, you can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam all right. I was getting my hair cut today. You can tell I look fabulous. And I went to the barber and I went to place where it's $10. And before you roll your eyes, it's $12 for a lady's haircut. So it's no cheap barber, right? It's a $10 barber. And I went in there and first off, it's a weird thing, the hair cutting thing, because the guy who was cutting my hair was 50 and in 50, 55. And I could tell he'd been around for a while and he was very skilled. And he wouldn't use the clippers. I think that clippers the clipper is to the barber unless you're cleaning up the back of the neck. But the clipper to the barber is sort of like when the guy pulls the Bridge out in the pool game like, ah, okay, we got an amateur here. He doesn't know what he's. He has to get the stick out to help him with his other stick. That's chicken shit. Minnesota Fats. Paul Newman would have never, Tom Cruise would have never done that. So my hair, which grows sort of like a sheep, they just shear it, you know, they normally just make a seat cover. He was skilled and he was doing the cut and the finger and the. He had the nice action and the rhythm going. And at first I thought why is this guy working at the $10 haircutting place? Because he's just as good as any guy you'd find in Beverly Hills and no one would know the difference. But then I was more annoyed by this second thing. It was me, him, another guy I recognized from the last time I was there. My guy's 55, the other guy's 56, I'm 47. There's probably a 42 year old chick in there who's working there. And then a 50 year old dude thereabouts comes in and sits down and I realize during the holidays this is the music we're listening to. That's where Paul Bryan's gonna find his music cue there and he'll play what is being pumped through the barbershop. Do you have anything, Brian? And we're all just sort of sitting there and I've heard about four versions of this song, you know, and it's. Does this song kick in at all? Thanks, Mike. Anyway, now I'm pissed off. So I said what's the point is it's a really annoying song. I think, I think you guys nailed it. Yes. Yes. And right. Except for I wanted to upbeat one. But anyway, so I'm listening to this thing and I'm going, is anyone dancing? Does anyone give a shit? How old is everyone here? Yeah. And I'm looking around and I'm. And I said, does anyone like this song? And they said no, I don't like this music. I said, do you 55 year old white guy behind me cutting my hair. Do you want. Do you want to hear this? Music's for dumb 13. It's for 13 year olds, right? And they went, yeah. And I said well, no one likes it, right? No. Well, why don't we change the fucking channel? And they're like I don't know, I guess we could do that. And I said put some Christmas music on. What happened to classical? And they're like, yeah, okay. And the guy goes and finds the oldie Station. And he says, all right. Are you good because women make you happy? I said, don't do it for me. I'm out of here in about two minutes and 15 seconds. Because when you get the $10 haircut, it lasts eight and a half to nine minutes. And I was seven minutes into this fucking auto tune bullshit. And I said, let's not. For me, you work here. You have to sit here and bathe in this fucking horrible robot bullshit. This. This is music that's made by a dustbuster. And you fucking see your. And your. Your average age of everyone in this room is 51 in nine months. This is what we're doing. This is what. And would this have ever existed in the past? You know what I mean? Like, would an old Italian barber listen to some fucking. You know, when people went to rock and roll powdered, they did not listen to this. Yes, yes, yes. So. So then when they changed it, did the price go up? When they changed the music, did the price go up? It should have. I always just tip the guy. But what the fuck? When did this become. I know I bring this up every day. When did this become the default soundtrack to our lives? This is the background music of this music. This is just playing in the background of everything. Wherever you are, this is what's cooking in the background. What are we doing, by the way? We're getting a haircut. We should not be dancing. You're holding scissors by my ears. What? I'm sitting in a chair with a fucking bib on me and a poncho, and you're standing behind me. What are we doing? You know why? Because in a movie that involved a vignette where people went to get haircuts or try on clothes, Larry, you could weigh in. You've probably been in movies like this. This is the music that would be in the background. Yes and no. First of all, it might be. But I think, see, once again, not surprising, the same head on this. I'm the only other guy I've ever met, and this didn't come out till just now when I'm on the road, which is pretty often, and the road manager's there with me. We eat around 4 or 5 in the afternoon after doing the sound check and the cues and everything. And the restaurants are empty. And I'm the only one who says, in a Chinese restaurant, in an Italian restaurant, you know, and it's empty. And I always go say to the waiter, do me a favor. Do you mind if we turn this off? Yes, I always say that. And Then the guy will think I just said, why don't we bring in an animal and cut its head off? Why don't we do that thing at the end of Apocalypse now and take a hunk out of an ox? And he looks at me and he says, well, we're supposed to have it on. And I say, and then I become the idiot. Because if I'm asking for something untoward and I say to him, do me a favor. There's no one in here, right? Do you need it? Well, no. Either with an accent or not. Well, the boss usually do me a favor. Where the customers here now just turn it off. It's. It's interesting. And they do, but they think, Brian, because I told you, Mike August and I were in a sports bar in downtown Detroit. Deserted. Deserted. And we're just sitting there having a cold one, just killing some time before the flight. And this shit is. This shit is pumping. It's just pumping. And me and Mike are both just sitting like under the speaker and I can't hear him, and it certainly can't hear the game. And I'm like, what? What is going on? And I. We told him, could you turn it down? And then we went to another sports bar at the airport. It was the same fucking thing. And it's somehow the 13 year olds have taken over and it's driving me insane. This music sucks. Nobody wants to hear it. And. And stop feeling all right. Stop it now, Matt. All right. I was talking to a guy who's a legendary car designer named Pete Brock. The other day, I was in his home in Las Vegas. I had a nice visit with Pete Brock. Brock's the guy from bre. He built my roadster. If you know anything about vintage racing or about racing, he built the first. He worked with Shelby Carroll Shelby, and he built some of the first cars. Carroll Shelby. And that's Pete Brock. He's a legend. He's one of these guys who graduated from the Pasadena Art Institute when he was 19. He didn't graduate. He left at 19 to go to GM to start working on the Corvette. Kind of, you know, the first guy to pencil the Corvette and all that kind of stuff. But anyway, he said, hey, you know, I really like your car show that you do on speed, but it's so fast. Like right when you're getting to something, it's over. And I said, yeah, that's what they do. It's hurry, hurry, hurry. Graphics, Graphics, graphics. Music, music, music. And then we're done. It's an apology. Everything is sped up. Everything has to have some soundtrack pumping under it. Yeah. I said, if you ever even this show. I said, you can't watch a sports. You can't watch a news station without four crawls rolling underneath it. It's driving me insane. People wanna let it breathe, stop being so insecure, stop pushing everything so hard. That's why podcasts are popular. It's like the only media right now that lets things breathe. Then I told the 76 year old guy, you know my podcast, huh? Yeah, that is, that is Pete, by the way. It's like sports casters and sports announcers. There's. If you listen to a game on radio, and I do a lot, whether it's football or baseball or anything you want to say, stop, keep, stop filling, stop filling, stop filling. Invariably they go over something and then suddenly say, and that's a home run. Because the guy is still talking and talking. Yes. For nothing. It's just filler. And I'm not a complete idiot. I can understand what people are saying, but I don't want to hear it. Radio is terrestrial. Radio is going down that fucking garbage flume to the big gutter in the sky. Because the ppms, the portable people meters have all shown it's all faster, better, shorter, quicker. There'll be no more long form interviews. Everything will have a music bed underneath it. And if they could run a scroll with the scores on it on your rate your car radio, they would. All right, anyway. At the goddamn barbershop for great Neptune's Tribe, by the way. By the way, I have. This will seem like an odd thing for me to say, but I have a barber shop for you. Oh, really? It's on Ventura Boulevard. Take the kids there. And there's no. Not only is there no music, but they have pictures of boxers on the wall. Wall. Oh, by the way, boxes from the 30s, any briefs, like. But the names, you don't hear that, like. Yeah, King Levinsky. Yeah, right, right. Smashed in nose and the little gloves. Yeah. And the point is. And then they have the famous tennis poster of the girl scratching her butt. Awesome. And. And they have. I said, I have a place for you. All right, I will, I will go there. As long as the haircuts aren't more than $11. All right, shall we get started with the ACE Awards? Oh, that was the Ace theme. That's my first ACE Awards. This is gonna be awesome. Lynch was playing you off. Lynch put this together quite nicely with Dawson. And I'm excited because I haven't heard any of this. I don't remember anything I said throughout the year. So it's all going to be brand new for us. First up is best impression. The nominees for best impression are. Adam as Alison. They should have a special ticket where the game is pull yourself up by the bootstraps and you scratch. Boots. Boots. Is that how it sounded when I said there should be a game where it's called pull yourself up by your own bootstraps? Adam as Tab is smiling. Let me tell you a story about a man named Jed. Poor mountaineer, better kept his family fat. And then one day he was shooting at some foods and up from the ground came bubbling crudes oil that is black gold. Texas too. That was pretty good. By the way, Billy west as Joe Walsh. How you doing? That's what he says. Seems to me you don't want to talk about it. Seems to me, you know what? Otherwise I wouldn't have any material to write if I wasn't mistreated by women like this one. As elephant hunting executive Bob Parsons. I'm over there helping people, shooting elephants. People coming from miles around buckets of elephant meat. Okay, Bull elephant, bull elephant. On the charge. We, what we, we did over there is we cleared out all the other elephants. Okay, I said elephants, let's clear out. And clear they did. And that's when I shut them all. And now I got a lot of happy villagers. And by the way, I gave them half off on domain names. Shootelevant.com is one of the ones that come up. And David Alan Greer as Maya Angelou. I heat up and I can't cool down? You've got me spinning round and round and round and round it goes where it stops, no one knows? Every time you call my name? I heat up like a burning flame? Burning flame full of desire? Kiss me, baby, let the fire get higher. Abara Kadabra. I want to reach out and grab a yacht. Abara Kadabra. Abracadabra. Freedom. Wow. Is there time for a late entry? Yes. I can do one impression. I'm ready now. This is going on 2012. Don't be a 1 upper. Like I said before, but it won't come up again. Okay. So I'm willing to put it on for 2012. The only impression I do, Peter O'Toole is a supermarket checkout clerk. All right. Why didn't you show me the coupons before? People been tweeting more O'Toole on the show. Like a bigger O'Toole presence on the show. And I feel like we've had a limited he's had a limited presence on the show, but now anytime the call comes in, you know where to go. Yes. You're welcome, listeners. All right. I have to say, your impression of me, that happened, I think, pretty shortly after I started on the show. And I remember at the time feeling like, wow, I was just mocked mercilessly by Adam. I think he was calling me stupid. And then I listened back and I thought, oh, I really overreacted. And it was funny. Yeah, I wish more people would do that with me, realize that they were overreacting. Yes. Just realize they were wrong. Yeah, I was having fun with your boots. That's all right. But I didn't realize I said it that way. Yeah. We have a winner. Do I announce it? Yes, it's moi. Adam Carollis, Tavis Smiley. I was pissed at Tavis Smiley because Tavis Smiley was giving a long winded speech about just as many Christian terrorists and Catholic terrorists as there are Muslim terrorists. And he was given that, you know, don't be naive. There are Christian and Catholic terrorists killing on this soil every day. Like it was just such a fucking blowhardy bullshit. Shut the fuck up. Tavis Smiley, who wouldn't have a show if he had to go out and compete. But he just, there's a difference to me, and I can always feel it. And we all see it in life not just as it pertains to this country. There's that healthy skepticism. And you should be questioning and you should be saying, well, hey, government, not so fast. I agree with that. And then there's the part where you don't like somebody, something or this country. And there's a difference. You know what I mean? There's a kind of a, like, even on a personal level, there's a, you know, I like Larry Miller. I think Larry would be better served if he did a little more political humor and a little less stuff about his kids or something. There's a constructive part and then there's a looks like Larry's put on a little weight. And I worry because, you know, he has a father and I don't want to see him, but I know there's health, you know, there's a bullshit kind of. And then people always say, hey, you know, it's my job to critique or it's my job to keep an eye on, or I do it. I do it out of love. I love Larry Miller, and that's why I just called him fat, because I want to see him get in better shape or whatever it is. But, you know, that difference between the. There's a. I have love for Larry Miller and I have a couple critiques, and I don't like Larry Miller. And here's a little different kind of thing. It's totally disingenuous when you're just inside insulting someone but claiming the moral high ground in doing it. Yes. I will create a list of people who aren't fans of this country, and I'll put Ed Asner toward the top of that list. Tavis will be close second. All right. Well, thanks. I won that award. What do I get, by the way? Some sort of crystal goblet, or do we just keep moving on? You get a big goblet of pride. Yeah. All right. Best fight. Oh, I remember a single fight this year. I don't remember any fights either. It's exciting. And the nominees for best fight are. Adam and Bald Brian. Shut up, Brian. You know what the you're talking about. The second they said leaf blowers are illegal, they would come to you and they would go, hey, man, leaf blowers are illegal and we have to pay and we're gonna have to charge you an extra $20. They wouldn't do that. City is lousy with. With potential lawnmowers. So I said that it's a buyer's market and you can name your price. You know what the fuck you're talking about. Thank you. Adam, Allison and Bald Brian. That whole story about the Seinfeld reunion stuff and all that stuff that was all out. Everyone was talking about that long before the thing came out. It's not like that snuck up on anyone. Did it do feel like everyone had a handle on that. Everyone's aware of that before it came out. Yeah. Everybody knew it was. Thanks for the wild enthusiastic back. I'm trying to. You guys have a somewhere between vacant and completely, like, just. I don't. I wouldn't listen. I know I sound like an. To everyone listening. You just have to come here and sit here and look at the two people. I'm trying to get you to talk about this. And I'm getting the. It's the Bill Buckner episode and I'm on Larry softball team. Yes. Thank you. Wow. That was a. And dag, dude, I'll you the ass. I rip your ass and make you like it. I'll lick the back of your balls. I'll lick my wet my index finger, rub it on my own areola. You. You bring that up here. I can hold your hand. Oh, yeah. And then we're going to take a shower together. I'll wash those balls off. Yeah, I'll loofah those balls up good. Oh, yeah, I got some action. All of a body wash. I. I'll jack that shaft up. I lost my contact in there. Oh, boy. Adam and his assistant Matt. I showed up for meeting here at the premises this morning at about 10 o'clock and I even thought about bringing donuts in and then I thought, fuck those people. And I kept driving. And then I walked up to the table and I saw a box of donuts and I thought, ooh, this is kismet because I didn't buy any donuts, but here are a box of donuts. And surely after the fucking luck, long winded tirade I went on last week about donuts, this is gonna be. This is gonna be a treasure trove of delightful round things for me to sink my soup cooler into. And I walked up and first thing I noticed was lion's share were raised. I feel I went over this in painstaking detail. And then the other ones were literally covered in orange. Orange shit and orange jimmies and white stuff with red, white and blue jimmies. And then of course there's even the one that has candy corn all over it. So the ones that were cake were essentially destroyed by being dipped in clown shit. And I thought, what, what goes on that you can't just get a donut? It's like somebody took a pumpkin, shoved it across the ass of a pinata, got it drunk on Sunny D and it shit on my donut. Now, do you not like any frosting? I understand nobody likes that, Matt. Nobody. And by the way, here are your choices. Crazed clown, crazed pinata, or fucking Waylon Jennings and madam covered with fucking AIDS and seagull shit. Like, is there any variety there, man? Is there any variety you wouldn't just go, give me, give me three regular donuts? There may have been one regular donut that was consumed immediately. Oh, why was that one eaten? Or some sort of crazy person that broke in here and stole the plain donut with super low self esteem. What about these donuts that are as pleasing to the eyes they are to the palate? By the way, what is the average age of the educated adult that was in this meeting? Matt, we're not talking about 9 year olds with down syndrome, are we? Definitely not. Average age, 41 and a half. Yeah, yeah, I'd say it's about right. Who want donuts that are bright, that look like the Denver boot with candy corn on them? The big mistake was, was telling her that I was hiring you this message is brought to you by the Cologuard Test. Cologuard is a one of a kind way to feel more in control of your colon cancer screening through a use at home test with none of the prep that's required for a colonoscopy. The Col the Oligarch test is the only FDA approved non invasive screening test that looks for both altered DNA and blood in your stool. The American Cancer Society recommends if you are at an average risk, you begin screening for colon cancer at age 45. And because many people with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms, colon cancer screenings are crucial for early detection. Plus most insured patients pay $0 and if follow up care is needed, this is usually covered by insurance. With zero downtime, no special preparation and a use at home screening test that's delivered right to your door, it's time to put your health so if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for colon cancer with the Cologuard test. You can also request a Cologuard prescription today@cologuard.com podcast. Do not use Cologuard if you have had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease and certain hereditary syndromes, or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer, false positive and negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for a colonoscopy. In high risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. A touch of formaldehyde, a pinch of acetaldehyde, a splash of acroleum makes the perfectly evil vape cloud vaping can expose you to a toxic mix of chemicals. Know the real cost of vapes brought to you by the fda. This message is brought to you by the Cologuard Test. Cologuard is a one of a kind way to feel more in control of your colon cancer screening through a use at home test with none of the prep that's required for a colonoscopy. The Cologuard test is the only FDA approved non invasive screening test that looks for both altered DNA and blood in your stool. The American Cancer Society recommends if you are at an average risk, you begin screening for colon cancer at age 45. And because many people with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms, colon cancer screenings are crucial for early detection. Plus most insured patients pay $0 and if follow up care is needed, this is usually covered by insurance with zero downtime, no special preparation and a use at home screening test that's delivered right to your door. It's time to put your health first. So if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for col colon cancer with the Cologuard test. You can also request a Cologuard prescription today@cologuard.com podcast. Do not use Cologuard if you have had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease and certain hereditary syndromes, or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer, false positive and negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for a colonoscopy in high risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. Netcredit is here to say yes because you're More than a credit score. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by Netcredit or Lending Partner bank and service by Netcredit Applications subject to review and approval. Learn more@netcredit.com partners netcredit credit to the People it's just for the love of Christ, I did 25 minutes on Just Get a Donut and that was two days before this donut debacle, this confectionary holocaust. First they came for donuts. People are fucking with me, right? It seems that way. It's impossible to draw any other conclusion. You sat here and listened to my arduous, painful suffered through what you suffered through 20 minute donut. Just get the cake or the old fashioned style donut and leave it at that. Smash cut to a week later that pile. I know that is. You would argue that the person is fucking with you at that point. That's not. It's beyond. This is not just incompetence, not a coincidence. Sorry, Matt. Yes, right, it does seem that way. I spend the better part of my life just saying coffee flavored coffee, donut, donut, iced tea. Iced tea. And everyone goes, I'm going to do something to change that for you. I'm gonna put a stripe of plum in your pumpkin pie. It's never a good thing. All right, where were we? Oh, by the way, the David Alan Grier in my argument was about how homoerotic most guys turn when they start fighting. When two super tough dudes start arguing like boxers, it turns into I'll make you my bitch. Want some? You want some? And then, you know, like when Tyson would go off on something, it always immediately went, I'll fuck you in the ass. I'll give you a prison stop. Fuck it and stuff. And certain point, it becomes very homoerotic because you're in. It's your penis. It's not like someone says, I will go down to the train station, break off a hobo's cock and rape you with it. It's like, I will butt fuck you. Which sort of makes you gay as well. Does it? Does it not? All right. Anyway, the winner of Best fight is Adam and Ball Brian with the leaf blowers. I stand by that. Brian, do you stand by your horrible assertion? I do. But the lesson to take away from here is we need to get better fights next year. You know what I mean? Because there's a lot of you yelling. Yeah, yeah. You guys could yell back. What would make them better? I don't know. You guys yell back, let's fight about something. Because after listening to all that, I was just like, ugh, I never want to go through any of that again. No. And the other one was. I don't remember who the chick was from one of the shows. I was trying to get her to talk about something, and you guys were both giving her don't say anything kind of a posture to her. And I wanted some backup. I wasn't feeling like I was getting support on. I was trying to. I was trying to squeeze. I was trying to squeeze something out of her by saying, yeah, it's all right. You can talk about it. And I wasn't feeling supported. Right. And as I said then, I actually did agree that she should talk, but I wasn't communicating that obviously. Yeah. Get a mirror. Tell your niece. All right, shall we go on to the next? Let's see, what do we have? Ooh, Song of the Year. This is exciting. Bonus category. The nominees for Song of the Year are. Alison's news intro. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And where. It's time to wrap it up. She'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison. Allison. Love it. Sweeping the nation. Rich Banks tribute to Jamie Lane. Rich Banks sent over a tribute. Everybody, this is. You may wonder why I'm wearing my black Warren shirt tonight. Welcome to Bob's Classy Lady. We got a two for one Tequila night. Jade, Stage four. Stage four. Jade. Oh, give me a minute here a second. Amateur night. It's Monday nights. Come on up, ladies. Winning. Drop your linen. Hold on. Excuse me. Give me a second here. Santana, Stage four. I'm sorry. I'm just not myself. I'm sorry. Sorry. Here. Santana, Stage Three. Just do it girl. Now put your hands together. Show me appreciate them fellas. I gotta believe if what's his name, Janie Lane is here right now. You all to stand up, make it rain about now. Tell you what this is tip of the cap to JD. Next 20 minutes half off. All champagne, mini bottles only. Businessman's buffet. Give me a minute. And the music version of the theme to Taboo 2. Oh this is. Yeah, played during Ace on the house. And when he does, he satisfies me. All right. Wow, that is some tough competition. That last one sounded like bumper music for a mid morning show in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those shows that come on between 9 and 11am Frank and Maddie or something. Whatever it is. Morning Tucson. Yeah, we'll be right back and we'll show you how to make these out of pillows you want to make. You can make an omelette, but can you make the perfect omelet when we come back and kick it in. That's, that's, that's when it kicks in, right? Yeah, yeah. The winner, by the way, song of the year, Rich banks, sad cherry pie. I feel personally robbed. Your news story is great. And just the idea of the heavy hearted strip club dj. I think that that was one of the finest moments ever in the Adam Corolla show. I laughed hardly the second and third times around. Very funny. Yeah, just something funny about the heavy hearted strip club dj. Alrighty then. Yeah, Larry's probably not familiar with the Taboo II theme song, the actual porn theme song to Taboo ii. But we'll play that for you after the show. We have caller of the year. We have a quick previously awarded package. Oh, I like this. You mean there's like the technical awards that were done? Yeah, this is where the all the engineers and the people that really don't look good in a talks. Yasmine BLEEP hosted this year. Yeah, and Yo Yo Ma. Okay, well let's hear that one. At a private ceremony held earlier, ACE awards were given out for the following categories for most range, Adam Corolla and his animal characters. You want me to do my voice of Bill E. Goat again? Yeah, please. I can't get enough. One more time. Hey, what's up? I'm Billy Goat. Yeah, where do you go in your head when you do that's the thing. I don't know. I don't want to say touched by God, but you know, lightly raped, you know, thinking, doing a little patio ostretch. The ostrich. Oh, that was a long time ago. But can't get enough of that. Close your eyes. You ready to be transported? Hey, I'm a patty ostretch dog. Get it? The ostrich. Hold on. I didn't finish. What's going on? For most inebriated guest, Patrick Warburton. Listen, I had it up to here with Rolling Stone. Those ass wipes. Everything you wanted. Readers, polls. Oh, yeah. You want to hear something? Top 100 bands of all time. Pearl Jam's not even in there. They got their head so far up their ass. Yeah, that Rolling Stone euphemism of the year. Brad Williams. If you're seen the show Californication, there's a scene where the girl punches David Duchovny while she's on top. That happened to me. Really? In a hotel room in Reno. Classy city. Punching the dwarf does sound like a euphemism for masturbation, right? Doesn't it? Hey, you know, guys, I'm just gonna go back before I go out, punch the dwarf a little bit, Take the edge off. For most names dropped at Adam Carolla, I talked to Joel McHale, Demi, and Ashton. Oh, wow. Courtney Cox. David Arquette was there. Knoxville was there. Emily Blunt. We did a shot. I was so drunk at that point. Like the guy, the bartender, I think, just pissed. And yeah, Don Rickles there. George Clooney. Wow. Of course, Stern was there, and his beautiful wife talked to her. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Mike Judge, Jon Favreau. Jeff Probst. Always talked to Probst for a long time. Good guy. Actually, about 20 minutes in the conversation, he voted me off the veranda. Yeah. And the daytime Ace award for best morning show went to Hot cup of Jill and Ace over easy. If we're gonna do this show together, I need to, you know, I need to feel you rolling with these news stories because we're doing the show, everybody, every day. Okay. Hot cup of Jill with Ace over easy. And then we just come out every morning and we're peppy and we're sitting on stools, so. But it's kind of funny. I'll get you some free clothes. Yeah, I want some free. And we sit on. We're sit on our stools. Did anyone laugh at that? That is so funny. I just said that. I laugh. I laughed inside. And that's gonna be your thing. Did anyone laugh at that? Oh, yeah, that's good. And then we're gonna have. Yeah, that's good. This could be our song, by the way. And we're going to come down and we're going to have our super gay producer, Derek. And he's never going to think anything's fine. We're just going to see him shaking his head all the time. And he's always wears suffering Derek. He wears a different color sweater. He's your producer every day, Derek. No, no, you haven't hired him yet. So we're making his name up. We're going to cast him. He's not really going to produce the show. His real name is Gregory. Right. And we do a bit called where the Heck is Bobby? And we send him all around the world. You know, Bobby's sleeping. And that's the joke. That's a joke. Every time we find out he's just asleep. Jill, what's in the news today? What's going on out there? Well, Herman McCain fell down to that. Oh, man, that's good stuff. Isn't there something interesting that he shares a name with the other McCain? Yeah. How about the fact that there's a guy named Mitt and a guy named Newt and they're running against each other? I know it's a weird thing that we got president. I'm not happy. Happy with any of this. Is good. This kind of hot talk will act like, what's the problem? They're all, you know, Newt. Newt's coming on on Friday. You can tell him yourself. What she told me. She wanted to do a show with me, so I was trying to do. Do our daytime show, but she wasn't. I was. I had trouble defining, you know, what was. What was role playing. We needed a safe word. That's right. In other words, when you want to get out of it, the safe word would be me hitting her. Her on the head with an iron skillet. It was a safe movement. So the safe word would be bong. Bong. That would be her skull hitting bong Nung. Yeah. Yeah, she was fun. I forgot at the time. I knew she didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. Every time I was telling her we should do, I came up with Hot cup of Jill with Ace Over Easy. And I thought that would be our morning show. And she was having trouble with the reality versus the fantasy and the role playing part. I think once you go to Herman McCain, you're not gonna get the role playing in the business. Yes, probably right. Let's see Caller of the Year. Excited by this. You have that. The nominees for Caller of the Year are. Molly, what's going on? Hi. Hey, what's up? You sound hot. Oh, really? Yeah. Now here's the code when you're hot, you don't have to say you're hot. Quiet down. Can you hear me? Quiet, quiet, quiet. I don't think she can. I don't think she can hear me. No, I. Hello? Oh, she just. She has noise in her head. Molly? Do people tell you you're good looking? Did I hear what? Bat? Hey, Bat. Hi, Adam. How you doing? Good. You don't sound like you would shoot up a Safeway at all. Thank you. Are you on the speakerphone, Bat? I'm at my mom's house and I'm in the basement and I'm calling up the computer. She won't let me use the regular phone. I got the same thing going with my mom. Yeah, I know. All right. I read your book. It was good. Thank you. Bet you want to hear the story? Please. Well, you know, I. When I was growing up, I had some friends and they got a cat for Christmas, and the cat was named Huckleberry. They had the cat for a couple years and it unfortunately got hit by a car. Sure. And. And they buried it in the backyard. Sure. Just got time. In a toolbox. Yeah. Matt, what are you doing for a living? I, I, well, I'm retired, kind of. I. I'm on disability. Oh, sure. Kind of. I used to be a mechanic. Right. This is a true story. I got my fingers caught in a sand belt and I lost two of them. And I couldn't do it anymore. Then they had me doing, you know, the accounting. Mr. Bad wrench. I couldn't get her. But the point is, is you'd saved up enough to move back to your mom's basement. Yeah, well, she lets me kind of come and go. Well, you explain to her next time she gives you a hard time. Nature or nurture, bitch. I'll leave it up to you. He sounds like Miranda's boyfriend. Thanks. Yeah. Hey, maybe we can get you a guest spot on Bob's Burger. Okay. Yeah, that'll work. Hey, you know what, Adam? I like that news girl. She's really, really good. She's easy on the eyes as well. Oh, thanks. The lotion in the basket. Yeah. Thank you. And thank your mom for lowering my book down in the basket. So you're going to enjoy it. Thank you very much, Adam. Thanks. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it's told. It rubs lotion on the skin. It does this whenever it's tones. It places the lotion in the basket. Now it places the lotion in the basket. It rubs the lotion on its Skin or else gets the hose again. Brent. Yeah, get it on. What's going on, Brent? So I'm dating this really intelligent girl. I'm from Boston, so I grew up in kind of a fighty culture. I've lived in California. Kind of chilled out on the pot and leveled out. I have an alcohol problem. It's not anymore because I don't drink. I'm gonna put two years. She's not ready to quit. She kind of kicked me to the curb recently and I. She went away and Masked. Masked. The whole thing, you know, with. While I sat in like the fetal position. Rocking. What's your question? Oh, I'm sorry. When is. When is enough enough? How is the sex? It's. It's great. I'm sure it's great. He didn't say great. He said it's good. As a matter of fact, you know, let me call you on your brother. You said it's. It's. It's good. That's not great. Yeah. Ask me something, Adam. Ask me something. Dag. Yeah. How's your daughter doing? She's. She's good. Yeah. No, you want to hear great? Nope. You want to hear great? Film career. It's better than yours. I'm gonna tell you that right now. And Alec Baldwin. Hey, Tim. Good morning, man. Good morning. What time is it there in New South New Zealand? It's actually 5:00 tomorrow in the evening. I love that. I wonder how my. What happens in the future. Yeah, I wonder how my day was. I know. It's been a gorgeous day here. Oh, man, I'll tell you. Hey, sorry to interrupt. Alec Baldwin on line two. Alec Baldwin on line two. Yes. All right, hold on a second. Eight. Tim, good luck. Baldwin's on. He'll. Hello? Did you just dump Tim? I dumped Tim from Auckland to speak to you. Alec Baldwin. You got a guy calling you from Australia. It's five in the afternoon over there. What's he giving a shit? He's got plenty of time to figure it out before he goes to bed. You look like you're in phenomenal shape. Something's going on. You got the aids? You getting in the Pilates? What's going on? Or both. I'm taking that Pilates you take when you have aids. It's aids. Pilates. Take this in the spirit in which it's intended. Alec, lay it on me. You seem like an alcoholic. To be fair to your friends who don't know you that well, you know what I mean? You have all the characteristics of an alcoholic. It's a good thing. That means that a man is just vexed by options. You know what I mean? I seem like an alcoholic. Oh, wow. He's good people. And the winner hauler of the year, Alec Baldwin. Yeah. Just called in. Isn't Auckland? I thought this is in New Zealand. I think it is, yeah. Poor Bat's gonna be devastated. Yeah. By the way, before Bat called you that day, he pulled up in front of the ammo store, had the engine idling, looked in, and then thought, I'm gonna give it one more chance and call Adam. And I'm pulled off. What was with him doing the Silence of the Lambs? He's insane, right? I think that our guest said he sounded like that. I know, but most guys can't go from sort of nut job to Mina Bird like that. You know what I mean? By the way, it's like Psycho. If his mother isn't sitting in a chair in a closet tied to it after being dead for seven years, I don't know who is. Yeah. What? But then some. Some crazies or slightly altered people can't hold a normal conversation. But as soon as they start reciting, you know, written lines or lines they've heard in movies or song lyrics, they're like. They're like savants. You know what I mean? Like most actors and actresses. Yes. No, I know. I know what you're saying, but was he putting us on? Maybe he was putting us on the whole time. I think he just knew the worst of the movie. All right? I think he's fake. I don't know, because he was very. It was one of my finest moments. He's very specific. Yes. That was Brian at his best and makes it. Makes it all worthwhile. When Brian has a moment like that. All worthwhile. We should call it the Brian Bishop Show. The. The moment, you know, where he said he lost a couple of fingers to a fan belt and then they moved him up into accounting or something like that. That was very specific. Like, most guys just go, I lost my job because I lost my fan. Now, he said they moved. They said he moved him to another part of the business. Sort of feeling sympathetic, but realized he couldn't hang. Do you know why they moved him, by the way? They had a meeting and said, if this guy gets fired, he's going to kill him. He's coming back. Yeah, he's coming back in a couple of weeks, and that'll be it. Ooh. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Like that. All right, now we have one more before we take a well deserved break, this is Guest of the Year. This message is brought to you by the Cologuard Test Cologuard is a one of a kind way to feel more in control of your colon cancer screening through a use at home test with none of the prep that's required of a colonoscopy. The Cologuard test is the only FDA approved non invasive screening test that looks for both altered DNA and blood in your stool. The American Cancer Society recommends that if you're at average risk, you begin screening for colon cancer at age 45. And because many people with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms, colon cancer screenings are crucial for early detection. So if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for colon cancer with the Cologuard test. You can also request a Cologuard prescription today@cologuard.com podcast. Do not use Cologuard if you've had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease and certain hereditary syndromes, or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer, false positive and negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for colonoscopy. In high risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. A touch of formaldehyde, a pinch of acetaldehyde, a splash of acroleum makes the perfectly evil vape cloud. Vaping can expose you to a toxic mix of chemicals. Know the real cost of vapes brought to you by the fda. This message is brought to you by the Cologuard Test. Cologuard is a one of a kind way to feel more in control of your colon cancer screening through a use at home test with none of the prep that's required of a colonoscopy. The Cologuard test is the only FDA approved non invasive screening test that looks for both altered DNA and blood in your stool. The American Cancer Society recommends that if you're at average risk, you begin screening for colon cancer at age 45. And because many people with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms, colon cancer screenings are crucial for early detection. So if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for colon cancer with the Cologuard test. You can also request a Cologuard prescription today@cologuard.com podcast. Do not use Cologuard if you've had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease and certain hereditary syndromes or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer, false positive and negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for colonoscopy in high risk patients. The cologuard test is available by prescription only. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by NetCredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit application subject to review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com partners. NetCredit credit to the people the nominees for Guest of the Year are. Scott Thompson. You met this couple? Yeah. Did they know who you were? Oh, yeah. It was very evident they'd seen me in my show. Right, right. So they've been drinking during the show and they'd been cut. They kind of caused a bit of problem. They were been loud and during. During a stand up show? Yeah. Stand up show, huh? Where was this? What city was this? In Calgary. So after the show they come up to you backstage? No, right in the front. In front of people. She's like, what a blow. My boyfriend and I'm like, yeah. We ended up having an amazing night and we ended up back at their house and we got drunk and she made him strip to Led Zeppelin. It was just like a dream come true. And then we all had sex together. And then at the end of it, in through the outdoor, we all. Michael Bean. Who would you rather go down on, your mother or your father? I feel like because my dad has not read my book yet, I'd be a little rough on him downstairs, so. It's mommy. Let's just say I understand my dad's a bleeder. Fine. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you don't want that. Infection sets in. He's gonna be 80 in a few months, you know what I mean? How'd your dad go? Well, I was sucking him off. Open casket got. God rest his soul. It's the way he would have won it. He died doing what he was disgusted by. You know what I mean? Who wants to see him getting quelled by his son? Yeah. And besides. And then I don't want to overcompensate. Well, how'd your dad pass? What do you care? What the fuck? 20 questions. What are you, fucking Colombo? He's dead. That's enough. That's enough. It sure isn't because I sucked this cock the wrong way. That's right. Goddamn. Sure. Yeah. I don't Want that to happen? No, mommy. Yeah, but what. If you notice, she'll get a boner. Andy Dick. I was with a girl and she was really hot too. And just, she was, she was young and I was young at the point, at this point. And. And there was just something. It just didn't smell right down there. Right. Just didn't smell right. And long story short, she had lost a tampon up there for weeks. Toxic shock syndrome. I found it. Oh, you did? And it was black. Really? And it was. I started. I didn't. Oh, I didn't vomit, but I was dry heaving heavily. I had something in my stomach. Thank God you had vomited moments earlier because of the booze. Albert Brooks. My daughter started to come out. She was coming to. She's gay. She will be. I know my son is going to be. I now just pray he's going to be a top. I'm starting to manage my expectations. Wait a minute, so you're on a podcast right now, actually using a joke that your son will be a top? No, I'm hoping. Don't jinx it. I have absolute huge theories that this. And I can prove it, that the sexes are merging. Oh, it's all in my book as well. It's an X, I'm saying. And we're about to cross. Yeah, yeah. It's not, it's not like in the next generation, but we're heading, we're getting there. And I said, you know, you make, you can make gay jokes, but by the time my son gets to high school and he's going to his private school in Santa Monica, it's going to be the opposite, which is, hey, Corolla, he's not sucking. Let's get him. And then he's going to have to make excuses. No, I'm just tired from sucking. I'm just taking a rest. You know what I'm saying? I. I don't know about that. You don't, you don't know? That's just. I don't know. That discussion on the playground. You're right. Hey, Corolla, that second cock. Let's get him. He thinks he's too good to. What school is that? I'm saying it's in Santa Monica in 2020. All I'm saying is this. Hey, Corolla, you don't butt. I butt. Let's get him and Bryan Cranston. The worst day of my life is when my wife's mom, Helen, went nuts and she wouldn't take her medications. I said, helen, listen, there's an ambulance out outside. And you need to go in the ambulance to the hospital to get your medication. Or we'll sit here and wait for a couple of cops to show up and then they will force you into the back of the ambulance. But maybe she would get good cop. Good cop. Hi. Hi. Hi. Do I smell muffins? Are you baking? You are the cutest. That is darling. Don't worry, I'll run and go get your medicine. Yes. I'm sorry. Which closet is the slipper Closet? You know what? I'll find it. My goodness. This is great. When you've done here. Oh, you are not 75. Get the Heck out of here. Oh, boy. Hard to pick. Those are good guests. Yeah, that's funny stuff. And I felt just as disgusted and entertained with the Andy Dick black tampon story this time around. Yeah, I hadn't thought about that in a really long time. No. How about Scott Thompson just basically saying I had forgotten about that as well. Yeah, yeah. Kids in the hall. He did a stand up gig, hung up, met up with some swingers and just sort of went partied down with him. Sexed him down. Right? Yeah. I mean, Larry, it's basically life for you on the road, right? You'd be surprised. Well, the winner, guest of the year, Bryan Cranston, everybody. Great guy. He was so good. He brought his wife and his daughter out with him. Great kisser too. Not really. Yeah, I know. He was one of the most fun guests. He is just a good guy. And I think when you're a good guy, it's hard to wring that out of you, no matter how many Emmys you win. Another guy who's a great guy, Larry Miller sitting in with us. We're doing the Ace Awards. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, how come no one's dancing? I don't know. All we've been hearing is songs about consensual sex by adults. Hey, everybody. Tired of songs that aren't about statutory rap, statutory rape rot? If you enjoy the statutory rape rock as much as I do, and let's face it, they just don't write statutory rape songs like they used to. Statutory rape rock. Get out of my mind. There's always a veiled threat like, get out of here before I have the time to change my mind. Like, meaning if I have one more beer, I will rape your ass. Ass on this kitchen floor. Statutory. Ray Brock. When the song she's only 17 came out by winger, I was probably 12 and I knew that was wrong. There's something I can't talk about, but I can sing about Statutory rape rock. If I were to buy all these songs, I would spend over $200. Right. If you were to go to stores and buy these individually, be over $15,000 worth. Well now there's a, you know, there's five CDs. Statutory Rape Rock call now, someone's turning 18. Stationary Rape Rock. Get it now on Hobo Power Records. And now Alcoa presents the 2011 Definitely Not a Jew of the year dateline, Union City, Tennessee. A 37 year old man was charged with domestic assault after hitting his 55 year old mother in the back of the head with a ham. Definitely not a Jew. Well, back with the ACE Awards 2011 again. Tip of the cap to Dawson and Mike lynch and all who spent so much time making this just a fantastic show. Larry Miller, Chris and Gary. Yes, Chris and Gary as well, whoever those guys are. Larry announced that it was a funny show during the commercial. Really is. You seem surprised. Frankly I am. All right, well let's keep on keeping on. The next category is previously awarded package. At a private ceremony held earlier ACE Awards were given out for the following private for best children's song. Adam Carolla Let me tell you a story about a man named Jed. Took his aunt Ellie and threw her on a bed, pulled down a zipper and out came a worm. And out from the worm came a bubbling sperm. Six months later, to Jed's surprise, Aunt Ellie's belly began to rise. Ellie just thought it was a bunch of blubber. But Uncle Jed forgot to use his rubber. That's fucking gold there, baby. For most disgusting moment by a male Mike Schmidt. I never had any physical problems. Any, you know, I got an anal fissure that sucked. But I mean other than that, you know, that's cuz you're, you have no stomach, you know, I mean everything just goes right in and then right out. So nothing gets broken down. So you know, you wind up shitting out a pineapple and it's like oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. That's bad. Yes, it is. Yeah. What do you do with that anal fissure? You don't sit down. For most disgusting moments by a female Diane Hansen. I was at a boyfriend's parents house, right, Taking me down to meet the parents. They had a low flow toilet. This was in a retirement community in New Jersey. I couldn't get that floater going down. It was not gonna go down. I flushed like four times. So I, I just, I just got, I grabbed that Thing opened the window, threw it out. They were on the first floor. Unfortunately it was lying there on their side lawn. Wow. For threat of the year, Adam Corolla Shut the up. I was thinking I'll give you more cancer. For introduction of the year here, the Mansfield University sound Guy, star of MTV's Loveline and comedy Central's the Man show. Adam Carolla has gone into digital media in a big way with his latest project, the Adam Carolla show. Debuting in March of 2009. The Adam Carolla Show. I'm standing in the wings. Downloaded daily podcast and remains number one on iTunes with over 200,000 daily listeners. Adam. Not content with just producing in a new media space, Adam has also established himself in the publishing world. Where are we today? With the day, Mansfield, Pennsylvania, New York Times best selling book in 50 years will all be chicks. The only time I've ever felt sorry for myself for 10 weeks on the book charts while rocketing to number one on the iTunes audio version. And as a result, Adam Carolla has been commissioned to do what? A second book scheduled for release in the spring of 2012. This is perfect by the way. As if posting and writing isn't enough to keep him occupied, Adam has also created a lot live stage show playing to sold out audiences all around the country. The 18 people there appreciated particular parts of which you will experience. Tonight features Adam performing his trademarks do the show. At this point, what can't Adam complain about? And why I hate la. Together with a hilarious presentation featuring pictures and video and all the great stories fans have come to love about Adam and his journey from being a work carpenter from the San Fernando Valley to one of the Hollywood's very funniest celebrities. Now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Adam Carolla. Hi. Thank you. Pause that for a second. Perfect. Let me say this, it's my fault because I realize I'm way too casual with people. I see the guy backstage, I smell this one coming because I've done enough colleges and I say, I see the guy in the bad sweater and I say, I can see he's got a little flop sweat going. And I say, what do you got there, buddy? And he shows me a three page manifesto with my name at the top and I say, you know what, I've done this a lot and the best way to do it is just go, you know him from the man show, you know him from mtv. You loved him on Loveline. Adam Carolla, this. If you stand up there and just read this verbatim, it's, it's probably not gonna go well. So it's just a quickie, you know, Brevity, soul of wit. So the faster the better. And then just bring me out. Either way, it'll be easy on you. It'll be best for me. Okay. All right. And then. So he's smash cut to scroll red. You know, put on the glasses. And I realize this is why celebrities turn into assholes, because they do the. If you fucking read what you're showing me right now on stage, I will walk out the fucking back of this goddamn theater, I will kick in the side of the Town Car, and I will go back to the fucking hotel. Do you understand me? I swear to God, I'll get my manager on the phone right the fuck now. Now, here's what you will say. I'm gonna write it down on this cocktail napkin. And monkey, you read it. See, you have to do. Because I've done a million. Hey, you know what? Just a heads up. If you do this, that's gonna happen. So just. And then I walk, naively walk back to the dressing room thinking, well, message sent. And then it's. I will then continue to do exactly what I was going to do as if we never had the conversation moments earlier where I said, you don't want to do all. You sure you told the right guy with the bad sweater and the flop sweater? There was a lot of those guys out there. I was one of them. But, yes, I told the guy. Just. I looked at the fucking two pages. Yeah, and I said, don't do it. You know what? It was perfect, though. You couldn't. I could take acting lessons the rest of my life and not imitate the kids. Every line could never. Larry Miller first thought he was funny in eighth grade, and then you can almost hear me click the pistol inside you. This week with Larry Miller. All right, now. There was more of that. Oh, there's more. Sorry. I'm so sorry. For worst accent, Larry Miller. Miller. Oh, are you kidding me? We've got to do it. I watch them all the time. I'm a. I'm a fan. For best accent, Steven Root, Stephen say Buzz Bissinger as English a tongue as you can. Buzz Messenger. We'll do a thing where you're drunk. Buzz messenger. And you're knocking on my door. Buzz Busy. Who's there? Is it Buzz Messenger? Buzz, is that you? Yes, it's me. Buzz Bissinger. Yes. What do you want, Buzz? It's late. Well, I'd like to use you. Lou. Lou's here. He left already. I'M no, not that, Lou. Your bathroom. You. Wow. I got my fingers crossed for Larry Miller, by the way. All right. The winner. No winner. Those are previously announced. Oh, I've already won. Yeah, they've already won. You may already be a winner, Larry. Yes, I am a winner. He was. I forgot about that. All right. Oh, this. Oh, I won. Come on. Oh, my vulva is moist. Best reenactment. Oh, this is gonna be good. The nominees for best reenactment are Adam and Larry Miller for Pre Interview. So we're excited to have you, Larry. Thanks for coming out. What's going on? What can we talk about? Well, you know, if he just throws it to me. Yeah, I'll have some stuff ready. No, what else? What's going on with the family? Any. Anything going on with the kids? Kids playing? Some. Some ball or something? Yeah, well, they are, but, you know, trust me, if it's just a minute or two, I'll have stuff loaded. And if you just trust going on vacation, anything like that. I've been on many vacations. Yeah, it's just something like that. What do you got? You ever go out with your wife? Anything funny there? I have gone out with my wife. Just throw it to me, if you don't mind. Just tell them to throw it to me. Tell an anecdote. Do you have an anecdote about going on travel? Not in 50 seconds, but if you just give you three minutes. You have some. Something going on travel? Sure, Yeah, I. I have. I have something, but it's. Do you mind? Could you tell us one? All right, well, this is a good one. This is a good one. So I. I get to the airport and I got all the kids and got all the kids at the airport. Huh? Kids at the airport. Yeah. This is great. And so then it turns out that my wife didn't have her wallet because it was stolen the night before. So we had to. And we have the kids there, but they don't believe that she's the mother. This will be really fun. What else you got? Adam and Alison for renting an apartment. Give me your widest name. Let's call you Becky. Becky Smith Honkington. Oh, that's good. All right, go ahead. Hello? Hi, this is Becky Honking. Yes, I was wondering if the apartment on Elm street is still available. Well, you know what? I rented it out to a black couple, but I'll toss their Negro asses out and move you in. And I know in the paper it says $1,200 a month. Let's just call it 500amonth. And let me add another bathroom for you, sweetie. Perfect. Now do you check credit? Not for white people. Oh good. Because my negative five. So be it. Come on down and bring more of your blue eyed friends. David Allen Greer and Dr. Bruce for Michael Jackson drug or black kid's name? Propofol. Don't act like you don't hear me. Prophyla. Fall, little boy. Tap him. Tap him. Look at me. Don't act like you can't hear me propose. If I come off this porch, it's on and popping. It's only you. Go. You gonna hit that? You gonna feel my hand? Thank you. Street lights on. Bring your ass in tight. Lighter king. Lighter king. Lighter king. Light king. Your teacher called. I know what happened with the chocolate cake in the lunchroom. Now if you don't take your monkey earrings back to school and correct that situation, I'm gonna put my flip flop up your narrow ass. Thank you. Don't make me raise my voice again. Daisa Pam and Laraza Pam. Daisa Pam and Loraza Pam. You are my twins. My darling, wonderful, beautiful twins. Where is grandma's curling iron, please? It's heated up and I smell something burning. Please can. This is all in Jackson's system, right? All of these kids and Adam and Rob Schneider trying to buy a boulder. This is my friend. I get you a good deal in this boulder. This one. Now you got to tell. All right, well, maybe we could just, you know, put a red flag on it or something. I'm going to put the frag on it. I'm going to put your name on it. I'm going to put a picture of your wife and yourself and your kids on the other side of the boulder. I'm going to crush the smallest child. Wow. Well, this one is an easy one. Best reenactment. Dag. And Dr. Bruce. Wow. Larry was holding aside, this message is brought to you by the cologuard test. Cologuard is a one of a kind way to feel more in control of your colon cancer screening through a use at home test with none of the prep that's required for a colonoscopy. The cologuard test is the only FDA approved non invasive screening test that looks for both altered DNA and blood in your stool. The American Cancer Society recommends if you are at an average risk, you begin screening for colon cancer at age 45. And because many people with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms, colon cancer screenings are crucial for early detection. Plus, most insured patients pay $0 and if follow up care is needed. This is usually covered by insurance with zero downtime, no special preparation and a use at home screening test that's delivered right to your door. It's time to put your health first. So if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for colon cancer with the Cologuard test. You can also request a Cologuard prescription today@cologuard.com podcast. Do not use Cologuard. If you have had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease and certain hereditary syndromes, or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer, false positive and negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for a colonoscopy in high risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. A touch of formaldehyde, a pinch of acetaldehyde, a splash of acroleum makes the perfectly the evil vape cloud. Vaping can expose you to a toxic mix of chemicals. Know the real cost of vapes brought to you by the fda. Check Engine light on. Take the guesswork out of your check engine light with oreilly Veriscan. It's free and provides a report with solutions based on over 650 million vehicle scans verified by ASE certified Mac technicians. And if you need help, we can recommend a shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Variscan today auto Parts Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the the same day. If approved, applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit application subject to review and approval. Learn more@netcredit.com partners. NetCredit credit to the people. Yeah, pretty good. Oh yeah. I used to do that with him and ingredients in birth control. I just decided doing we were doing Loveline once that somehow those would make great black kids names and he jumped right into it. And he's a talented. Whoa. Talented dude. Estradio. Estrado. It's so fucking funny. It's so funny. All right. Wow. Oh, we got best musical performance by guest coming up. Let's. Let's listen to that baby. And the nominees for best musical performance by a guest are. Jesse Ventura, you know, UDT underwater demo. It goes. It goes like this. It goes Marines drown in the waves. It's UDT who always saves. And when A job they cannot do. It's UDT who pulls it through. Although they claim they're first ashore. UDT's been there before. Oh, leathernecks on bended knees can kiss the ass of udts. But I say that with our typical rivalry. Don't get me wrong, the Marines are tough. Son of a bitches. Wow. That's all the voice you need to hear. You tell Becky to get on the back of your motorcycle. Becky, get back on your goddamn motorcycle. Going out to the edge of town Going out to the edge of town I know your papa don't like me oh, your papa my gun. But your uncle's a big fan. Your uncle is a pretty big fan. I don't have any money don't have any money no, don't have a job Got no job But I got a dream But I got a dream that's right My chair, my feet and Clay Aiken Standing tall On the wings of my dreams Rise and fall on the wings of my dreams the rain and thunder the wind and haze I'm bound for better days wow. Good times. And the winner for best musical performance, Ben Folds. This is Bruce Springsteen. Love me some Ben Folds. God, that guy's good. Please get into Ben Folds. It will make you smarter. Best drop by a male. Oh, I like this. The nominees for best drop by a male are. Adam Carolla. Let's drink some beers and rape. Matt Fondelier. Whoever stole my inhaler, I demand you return it post haste. Mike Dawson. Roses are red, violets are blue it's rare to find a foxy Jew. Eddie Ift. Man, those are some saggy ass balls. And Adam Carolla. Adam, stop being such an asshole and start listening to people. And the award to best male drop, It's Adam Carolin. Let's drink some beers and raid one of my favorites. Now to best female drop. I'm interested in this. The nominees for best drop by a female are. Allison Rosen. Eat more pussy. Allison Rosen. I agree with Charles Manson. Allison Rosen. I recently was on the receiving end of an aggressive rectal examination. Jane Goodall, you cannot imagine how wrong you are. And Allison Rosen. I don't give a fuck. I smoke weed all day. Got a problem you can off? I'm real. I'mma tell you straight up. If you can't handle the truth, get the fuck off my Facebook. And the winner for best drop, female. Allison Rosen. I agree with Charles Manson. I think that was my first drop. Yes. All right, let's bring it on home with rant of the year. And the nominees for Rant of the Year are Carny's Hot Dogs. Half of it is Carny's fault. As a matter of fact, 100% of it is Carny's fault. The other part is living in la and the other parts, all the assholes that show up there. But the dogs are great because they steam them and they snap when you bite in the casing and get that rush of juice. And I always get the Chicagoan style with the mustard and the relish and the onion and whatever, and that's the hot dogs. And at a certain point, they started, like, expanding. And, okay, you can get a hamburger too. But I sort of go, look, you go to carnies, you get a hot dog. It's like. It's what you do. Like carnies. It's Carny's Hot Dogs. And okay, if you want a burger, I guess they do a decent burger. But here's where the trouble comes. We're in fucking LA and there's people that are ordering taco salads and vegetable burgers and all kinds of stuff. When you stop and go for the taco salad, stop the line. They have to actually, like, go into the other train, like in the caboose and go, where the fuck is the taco salad? And where the little bits and the stuff. And of course, then you got these assholes, and these assholes are like a taco salad with no tortilla chip. You know, you're talking to people, barely fucking speak English, you know, no, this, hold that extra that, no cheese on it. And then they're pulling up and now they're saying, I need a lid for my salad. I don't. I don't have a lid. I'm carrying the salad. I need it. And it's like, it's fucking Carny's Hot Dogs. If you want a fucking taco salad, go down the goddamn street. The lottery. How's. How's that lottery treating the school system? How's it going there, Lotto? Gotta keep that retarded form of gambling. Going to send the message to all the retarded kids that are dropping out of the LA Unified School District. The worst goddamn message you can send to a community, to your citizens, especially to students, is play the lottery. It's the worst. It's. Hey, you're not going anywhere. Maybe you get lucky. I doubt it. Here, by scratcher. It's a horrible message to send. It really is. It's just a fucking. It's the opposite of everything that this country is. Here's here's what this country is. Level playing field. Roll your sleeves up, get to work, bust your ass. Hey man, you can do it here. You know, maybe you can't do it in Egypt and maybe can't do it in China, but you come out here, you bust your butt, you'll thrive. I don't care what you want to do. Roll up your sleeves, study hard, work hard, blah blah blah. Lottery is, hey man, spin the wheel, maybe you'll get lucky. It is the antithesis of the message of this country, yet we just keep ramming it up everyone's ass and it just preys on stupid dumb people. Occupy Wall Street. We created a bunch of fucking self entitled monsters and this has become the pursuit of my life where people are so far out of it and what they expect and what they think realistic is and what the set of rules that pertains to them versus the other guys. Because that's what the bottom line is. I want my most valuable player trophy. Well, you're the slowest, fattest guy on the team. Why should he get one and I don't get one? Because he busts his ass and he runs a 44 40, that's why he gets one. Well this is bullshit. Self entitled pricks who think the world owes them a living instead of looking in the mirror and go why the fuck am I not doing better? You just find some guys got more shit than you and go, hey man, what do you need all that shit for? It's the same version of hey man, what do you need an MVP trophy for? Cuz I bust my ass, that's why. Or maybe I'm just genetically better than you. Either way buddy, I got the trophy, so shut the fuck up and get the fuck back to work. Or better yet, on the bench where you belong. This is what's going on. So they're feeling shame. They've been shamed by life because they haven't been prepared for life. They've been told they've been had so much smoke blown up their fucking collective asses by the time they get out in the real world and they realize real world doesn't give a fuck where you're from or what your mommy said you were or how pretty you are or what you do. They don't give a fuck what any, anyone. And all those lies that were told to your parents about how special you are and how no one was created like you and all this bullshit advertised with Nike and all this is just one you and you take it all and it's your world and all that Reebok doesn't mean when you get to the real world and you just looked at as peon number 27 who's putting in an application. And guess what? I don't like your attitude, douche. Douche ass douche. Get your fucking feet off my my desk and hit the bricks. I'm not hiring you. Then now your plan is to come back and throw a brick at my window? That's your plan? This is what's going on. It's this envy and shame and there's going to be a lot more of it. Because it used to be back in the day, father be walking his son down the sidewalk and you'd see a guy go buying a Rolls Royce and the father would say, there goes Mr. Jenkins. Look up to him. That guy works hard. That guy built a company, that guy built an empire. Now look at him, he's got his Rolls Royce, he's driving up the hill. But what do we do now? Now it's like, oh, look at him. Look at him. Does he need that car? Why does he need that car? I'm driving a Chevette. Why does he get to drive that car? You know, let's go up there and throw a rock at it. That ain't gonna help you get out of the Chevette, ass douche. That's right, you work. And by the way, Paris Parents society, we are creating a group of self entitled monsters. Knock it off. Sid and Marty Croft. They're horrible ham fisted hacks who single handedly attempted to ruin my childhood with their horrible art. How you can take the second worst movie of all time and the second worst worst television show of all time and turn it into a stinking pile of cat rolled in AIDS Jimmy's. And by the way, it's, it stars Will Ferrell and it flops completely. They make a fucking horrible TV show into a horrible movie that does no business even though it has one of the hottest comedy stars on the planet at the time. And, and now it does nothing. And here's what Hollywood. Here's how Hollywood processes that information. Well, you know what? Let's get going on Sigmund and the Sea Monster because that show was even worse than Land of the Lost. Really? That's our response? Thank God somebody mercifully pulled the fucking plug on that pile of steaming hippo flop. Look, here's my little thing. Either get to be rich or you get to be an icon. You don't get to be both. I'm just spreading the word before these guys Die that they're horrible hacks. They've done more damage than that Japanese earthquake and somebody needs to stop these guys. Stop making their films again, you retarded Hollywood ass wipe. Dumb executives. God, are you guys stupid. Somebody needs to walk into their office, grab their laptop or their, their typewriter or their mechanical pencil and fucking throw it on the ground and break it and go. You can never touch another thing that creates. I cannot have you getting involved with the written word anymore. Your fucking ideas are retarded. And the ones you had 40 years ago are still retarded today. So go home and sit on your pile of money and wait to die. Would you stop punishing a new generation with the shit that comes out of your brain? And Subway Familiar is good when you're dumb. My dog eats the same thing every single day, seven days a week with a 55 pound sack of the eats it every day, is just as excited every day. Dumb people love eating the same shit. When you're smart, you want variety because you get burnt out really quick eating the same thing and especially listening the same shit. And I drive around all day and I just hear the same fucking five horrible songs on the radio. And I see that Subway's number one. And across the street there's Giamllo's or some just sub shop, a sub joint with an old Italian guy. And I was gonna say for an extra dollar, but it's the same price. For five bucks you can go over there to get a real sub sandwich. Not someone wearing those weird baggy glove things. Weighing out the meat that's put together like particle board and it's like little pre weighed. I don't want fucking pre weigh. I don't want a guy weighing out the gravy before he dumps it on the meatballs. All this pre whatever shit. So you get this weird generic bad version of look. It's fine if it's the kind of thing where you're over at someone's house and you've helped them move and they went, I just went to Subways and I got three Italians, three tunas and three turkeys help you. But if you just have a choice, the fuck are you going over there for? And I fucking feel like I'm being raped. I feel like I'm being raped by everything in our society. Like stop beating me over the head with this shit. I know it's familiar to you. Dumb people leave me alone. And everyone just goes, oh, I like it. Oh, Subway. Oh, I like it. No, you don't like it. It's not a good sub sandwich. It's the one you know and you're dumb. They'll be signing on as a new sponsor in 2012, by the way. Wow. Rant of the year, everybody. Occupy Wall Street. Thank you. People picked it up. Seemed to resonate with a lot of people. House staying power. Yeah, that's what you want. Well, wonderful, wonderful job once again by Gary and Chris and Dawson and Lynch for putting this together. He really makes you look back on the ear and go, wow, I'm a blowhard. You know what? It was a heck of a show. Love, Larry Miller. And now we got a party here. And again, I don't know how many people are roaming around back there. Hundreds. If I see some sitting on one of my car hooks, I'll fucking toss his ass. We got a bunch of people here and we have the people that work here and we have their spouses and lovers and friends and family. Where's the party? And we're gonna get drunk and we're gonna eat flop. Flopstake. We're gonna eat flapstake off of Mangrae. And once again, thank you all for making this a great year. Thank you all for supporting this program. Thank you all for giving us enough money to throw a Christmas party at the end of the year. Thank you for buying the books. Thank you for coming out to the live shows. Thank you for going to Amazon, thank you for supporting the other shows that are on this network. And there's some really good ones coming up. Some big names, big surprises, some real good stuff coming. In 2012, the pirate ship is set sail for Treasure island. And you guys are the wind that moves its hull through the majestic sea. I thank you. I wish you a great, great holiday and a great, great Christmas with your loved ones. Appreciate everything you have. Hug everyone, kiss them, perhaps perform oral sex on them. Thank you for a great 2011 and thank you in advance for even better 2012. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for bald Bryan, Larry Miller and Allison Rosen saying mahalo. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline. The game starts here. This message is brought to you by the Cologuard Test Cologuard is a one of a kind way to feel more in control of your colon cancer screening through a use at home test with none of the prep that's required for a colonoscopy. The Cologuard test is the only FDA approved non invasive screening test that looks for both altered DNA and blood in your stool. The American Cancer Society recommends if you are at an average risk, you begin screening for colon cancer at age 45. And because many people with early stage colon cancer have no symptoms, colon cancer screenings are crucial for early detection. Plus most insured patients pay $0 and if follow up care is needed, this is usually covered by insurance. With zero downtime, no special preparation and a use at home screening test that' delivered right to your door. It's time to put your health first. So if you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about screening for colon cancer with the Cologuard test. You can also request a Cologuard prescription today@cologuard.com podcast. Do not use Cologuard if you have had adenomas, have inflammatory bowel disease and certain hereditary syndromes, or a personal or family history of colorectal cancer, false positive and negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for a colonoscopy in high risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit Application subject to review and approval. Learn more@netcredit.com partners netcredit credit to the People all right, that was Adam Krullishow725. These ACE Awards will help fill in a lot of the missing lore. Drops get appearances. A lot of stuff has happened over the last 15 years of the Adam Carolla show, let alone the three years of the radio show prior to that. All 750 episodes of the radio show. We have almost 4,000 episodes of the podcast now and to keep track all this stuff you have to be me. So that's why we have these ACE Awards, and that's why we get to play them again for you, to give you a little refresher for all the new listeners and longtime listeners who may have forgotten some of this stuff. Because, again, unless you're me, it's pretty hard to keep track of until next time and get on.