Larry Miller + Hanson (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show – Larry Miller + Hanson (Carolla Classics)

Date: February 15, 2026
PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Pamela Adlon, Brian Bishop, Gina Grad, Larry Miller, Troy Duffy, Teresa Strasser

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode revisits standout moments and fan-favorite segments from the deep archives of The Adam Carolla Show. The compilation features a hilarious Rotten Tomatoes movie game with Pamela Adlon, lively banter on 80s and 90s comedies, a candid and fiery interview with Boondock Saints creator Troy Duffy about the making (and infamous documentary) of his cult classic film, and, finally, classic comedic interplay and hypothetical games with Larry Miller. The show is packed with Adam Carolla’s signature candidness, irreverence, and quick wit, exploring everything from pop culture to Hollywood inside stories.

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Segment 1: The Rotten Tomatoes Game with Pamela Adlon & Friends

[01:11 – 16:28]

Main Points & Discussion

• Pamela Adlon, Brian Bishop, Gina Grad, and Adam play a “guess the critic score” Rotten Tomatoes game on a series of beloved/derided comedies.
• Adam reminisces about his only meeting with Rodney Dangerfield (for Back to School) and how awkward it was.
• Lively debate about how films’ reputations change, the flaws in Rotten Tomatoes scoring, and generational perception of “classic” comedies.
• Classic Carolla digressions on nostalgic movies, industry anecdotes, and the group’s gusto for making fun of each other’s guesses.

Key Movie Scores and Reactions

| Movie | Carolla’s Guess | Actual RT Score | Notable Reaction | |-------------------------------|----------------|-------------------|--------------------------------------| | Fast Times at Ridgemont High | 88% | 78% | "What are you expecting out of a comedy here?" – Adam (03:00) | | Back to School | 61% | 84% | “There’s no God.” – Adam (07:01) | | Kindergarten Cop | 53% | 51% | “This movie sucks, by the way.” – Gina (09:51) | | 10 Things I Hate About You | 77% | 61% | “This is a better movie than that, I think.” – Pamela (12:47) | | School of Rock | 89% | 92% | “You do this move where you go 95%. Because who didn’t enjoy this film?” – Adam (14:55) |

Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [03:00]: “What are you expecting out of a comedy here? You know what I mean? What are you looking for?”
• Adam Carolla [06:13]: “What a fucking douchebag. And then he died.” (about his awkward Rodney Dangerfield meeting)
• Pamela Adlon [07:35]: “If there is a flaw with the Rotten Tomatoes site…it’s too many after-the-fact reviews.”

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Segment 2: Troy Duffy on Boondock Saints and “Overnight” Doc

[16:49 – 51:12]

Main Points & Discussion

• Troy Duffy candidly lays out his side of the now infamous events portrayed in the documentary Overnight, painting the filmmakers as betrayers and “ass douches.”
• Details his blue-collar roots, writing Boondock Saints, the Miramax/Weinstein deal (including the legendary “Harvey buys the bar” story), and fallout with the documentary crew.
• Describes the feeling of being misrepresented; emphasizes how the true behind-the-scenes story was more interesting than the so-called “sensational” version in the documentary.
• Shares how he lost (and regained) both movie and music deals and the band’s struggle with poor management by the documentarians.
• Adam and Troy bond over frustration with Hollywood’s entitled culture and how “unfair” narratives can plague creatives.
• Lighter ending as the conversation moves to architectural salvage, parties, and Jimmy Kimmel’s pizza ovens.

Notable Quotes

• Troy Duffy [18:48]: “What I heard was my two favorite foods to eat are a dry, aged New York steak cooked to a perfect medium rare and a plate of human shit.”
• Troy Duffy [26:46]: “I bought them the knife that they lodged in my fucking spine. So anyway, that ends up being a huge mistake…”
• Troy Duffy [42:55]: “…They feel that they are entitled to their managerial 15% of our new record deal. Ah, okay.”
• Adam Carolla [44:13]: “It’s like a bad dream where you’re screaming and no one can hear you and you’re being portrayed as this way, or…they’re spinning something… I really can’t stand when somebody says, Adam turned to me and called me an asshole. And it’s like, I never did.”
• Troy Duffy [44:03]: “…my two friends stabbed me in the fucking back. That’s what their documentary is. Period.”

Memorable Moment

• Troy describes losing both movie and music deals in a single day, the documentarians immediately angling to film his misery, and his determination to “resurrect” both – ultimately succeeding and making Boondock Saints into the cult hit it became.
• Vibrant banter about collecting antiques, house parties, and planning to name their yards after a few drinks (“I’m going to bring the Mangria.” – Adam [50:16]).

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Segment 3: News, Hypotheticals & Classic Larry Miller

[51:21 – 99:04]

Main Points & Discussion

• Teresa Strasser presents news headlines, sparking Carolla’s rants on crime, empathy, and societal insanity—juxtaposing everyday politeness with random violence.
• The group riffs in Carolla’s classic style: morbid, real, and darkly funny.
• Larry Miller joins, leading to a riotous run of hypothetical “road trip games,” sitcom/life analogies, and comic tangents about ancient pyramids, prison inventions, and more.
• Ongoing “fist to ass,” “ass to fist,” and “hand to mouth” running gag, with everyone adding their own comedic spin.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Adam Carolla [57:16]: “Once you’re capable of doing that [stabbing with a screwdriver], aren’t you broken?”
• Adam Carolla [70:17]: “That’s what they always say. … Personally, I’d rather hear the guy was drunk.”
• Larry Miller [78:25]: “I have never lived aft ass to fist unless I damn well wanted to. I choose. When I say how, I say how much.”
• Pamela Adlon [81:07]: “You know what they do to prevent that? They put cardboard…”
• Carolla & Miller [82:33]: Joking about being entombed with Pharaoh—“I’m so sorry. I don’t know how far that’ll go…but just for starters, right? We imagine we have a long time here, eternity.”

Hypothetical Road Trip Game

[85:53–93:30]
Larry Miller picks the lesser of two evils:

• Jenny McCarthy vs. Deepak Chopra (“…just glance over every so often and say, oh, look, a traffic sign.” – Larry [86:43])
• Kangen Water Chick vs. guy celebrating Ramadan
• 40-year-old Lady Gaga fan vs. 14-year-old Justin Bieber fan

Adam wryly judges all answers “incorrect,” furthering a running comedic bit.

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Overall Tone & Strengths

• Authentic, candid, unfiltered humor and insider Hollywood tales.
• Roast-style camaraderie between Adam, friends, and guests – snarky, but affectionate.
• Memorable guest appearances: Candid, colorful interview with Troy Duffy, comedic masterclass from Larry Miller.
• Absurdist riffing and digressions that turn mundane topics into laughs.
• Audience takeaway: Even if you haven’t heard these segments before, you’re treated to the best of Carolla’s playful skepticism, industry war stories, and comics' chemistry.

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Notable Timestamps

• [01:11] – Rotten Tomatoes Game begins (Pamela Adlon, classic movie debates)
• [06:13] – Adam’s Rodney Dangerfield story
• [16:49] – Troy Duffy interview on Boondock Saints, documentary fallout
• [26:46] – Duffy on “back-stabbing” documentary crew
• [38:10] – Boondock Saints global financial success revealed
• [51:21] – Segment with Larry Miller begins, news and riffing on crime & human nature
• [85:53] – Hypothetical Road Trip Game with Larry Miller

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Standout Quotes with Attribution

• Adam Carolla [03:00]: “What are you expecting out of a comedy here? You know what I mean? What are you looking for?”
• Troy Duffy [18:48]: “What I heard was my two favorite foods to eat are a dry, aged New York steak cooked to a perfect medium rare and a plate of human shit.”
• Adam Carolla [44:13]: “It’s like a bad dream where you’re screaming and no one can hear you and you’re being portrayed as this way, or you’re just… And they’re spinning something… I really can’t stand when somebody says, Adam turned to me and called me an asshole. And it’s like, I never did.”
• Larry Miller [78:25]: “I have never lived aft ass to fist unless I damn well wanted to. I choose. When I say how, I say how much.”
• Adam Carolla [70:17]: “That’s what they always say. … Personally, I’d rather hear the guy was drunk.”

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Final Thoughts

This Carolla Classics episode is packed with high-energy banter, sharp comedic exchanges, and truly revealing glimpses into Hollywood and creative life. Whether riffing on Rotten Tomatoes, revisiting the lore of Boondock Saints, or playing games from the ridiculous to the philosophical, Adam and guests deliver signature laughs, blunt confessions, and moments you’ll be quoting long after listening. If you want the essence of Carolla’s world—unfiltered, mischievous, and always observational—this episode is a must.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

With VRBoCare, help is always ready before, during and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.

[Podcast Host / Narrator]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, super superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play with best moments, highlights and fans select the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics, which you can find exclusively through podcast one. Sign up and get access to the ad free archives. You can also get access to the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out through Adam Corolla's substack adamcorla.substack.com Check it out and sign up. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us [e-mail] all right, let's get the clips. Come up first we have Adam Curlis Show, 1890, Pamela Adlon, Bobby Hill, Matt Hatchett, Gina Grad, Brian Bishop from 2016.

[Adam Carolla]

The game. The game is you have to guess what the critics score was on Rotten Tomatoes. Okay, you can go above, you can go below. It doesn't matter.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I always look at. I love the thing on. When you look at Apple tv. Is that the tomatoes?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And then you look at, if you scroll down the customer reviews, the audience score, those are always right on point. Those are the things that I look at. They're completely my feeling. So.

[Pamela Adlon]

Oh, these are like the reviews, the written out reviews document.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like the people are saying, I was looking for this everywhere and you know, but I mean, I like knowing what people think, but the customer reviews are my jam.

[Pamela Adlon]

Well, write down your score now. That way we can't base it off each other's score.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Okay. Yeah. Write your score down percentage wise.

[Pamela Adlon]

She need a piece of paper?

[Gina Grad]

No, she's got a whole.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. So this is Fast Times at Ridgemont High. This movie was probably initially discarded a little bit as a teen titty movie, but there's a lot more to it and lots of laughs. Cameron Crowe wrote it. Yeah. Very funny.

[Gary]

Based on his experience going undercover. Yeah. As a student at the school.

[Adam Carolla]

I am going to say the critics liked it a lot. I can't figure out how high it is. I'm gonna give it 88.

[Pamela Adlon]

I like where your head's at. In terms of it being sort of like discarded initially, I think it probably was looked down upon as sort of this teen sex movie. Whatever. But I think most, given the nature of Rotten Tomatoes, I think most of the reviews are recent after the fact. So I said 85.

[Gina Grad]

Interesting. I'm right there with you guys. 84.

[Brian Bishop]

I said 89.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

And I wrote it.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, you're here.

[Gary]

Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Certified fresh at 78%.

[Adam Carolla]

I always say to people, what are you expecting out of a comedy here? You know what I mean? What are you looking for?

[Pamela Adlon]

Funny movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pamela Adlon]

Insightful.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, 78.

[Brian Bishop]

There's Titty and Bush.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Next up, are you reading the poster?

[Gary]

All right, next movie in the game. 1986 film starring Rodney Dangerfield as a business magnate who decides to prove to his son that college is not that bad. And he goes back to school.

[Gina Grad]

This is one of those movies that there's no way I'm gonna be able to figure this out because I love it so much from my childhood that I can't get a read on if everybody else loved it or if it was just me.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I liked Rodney Dangerfield. Everyone in the industry loves him. They look up to him. They always say, he got everyone their start and everything. And I met him one time. He came on Loveline, the TV show, to do his movie Meet Wally Sparks, which I'm guessing would be rated a little bit lower than Back to School. And I did the move where I was gonna go in, like I do with all the guests and just say hi before the show. And then I always give him the speech of, you know, say whatever you want. If the show's bad, it'll be my fault, but not your fault. So just go in and just chime in. Cause it's a weird format. People are telling their problems. They're on the phone. They're in the audience. It's not a usual format. I want them to make sure they could feel comfortable giving. Some people don't feel comfortable giving advice to teens on TV talk. Say whatever you want. And then he just, like, he was just in his dressing room in his bathrobe and not dressed, just in his bathrobe. And I said to him, I said, hey, I'm Adam Kroll. I'm the host. I just wanted to say combine, say hi. And he was like, what for? And I was like. I was saying hi, you know, before we come in. Yeah, okay. And I was like, okay. I was just glad to have you on and say whatever you want. Yeah, okay. Like, sort of like, what are you doing in my dressing room? And I'm like. I was almost a little confused, like, Maybe he just doesn't know who I am. But he.

[Larry Miller]

I said, just.

[Adam Carolla]

Just come on in and have a good time. I think he was, like, getting high in his bathrobe or something. And then after the show, they do that move where the producers run out and they have the cue cards and they do the thing where you go, hi, I'm Ronnie Dangerfield. Watch me tonight on Loveline. Hi, I'm Rodney Dangerfield. Watch me coming up tomorrow on Loveline. You get, like, three of those. It's the same thing you do. Like, when you do the Tonight show and Jay Leno's got to do the affiliate thing and you have to stand with them. He's like, connie and Steve, thank you for watching more local news after this. You know, and you do. He was like, I gotta go after the show. The producers were like, no, just sit there for one second while they go, hi, I'm Adam. Rodney Dangerfield tonight after, you know, Road Rules. And he was like, I gotta go and, like, just hang out.

[Pamela Adlon]

We could have been done with it.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you gotta do, Rodney? He's like, I gotta get a haircut.

[Larry Miller]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, can we just hold off on the haircut for four minutes? No, he just got up and left. And I was like, what a fucking douchebag. And then he died.

[Gary]

Anyway, 14%.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll be missed. All right, back to school.

[Gina Grad]

Robert Downey Jr.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Sally Kellerman.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, if you saw this, now, this is one of my. If you saw this movie when you're 14, you think it's 94. But if you saw it at 44, probably not as high. Still not bad. Burt Young. I'm going to say I have no idea. I should remember being amused by this movie, but not thinking.

I've never sprained.

I'm gonna say 61.

[Pamela Adlon]

I said 70. Wild guess.

[Gina Grad]

I am afraid that I love it too much. So I just went with 50.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going 68.

[Gary]

Back to school is fresh at 84%.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Larry Miller]

There's no.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no God.

[Gina Grad]

Eight times.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pamela Adlon]

There's a lot of. After the fact.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no universe.

[Brian Bishop]

But, you know, you have to consider that maybe, like, three people or.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, this is a. Oh, no. This is critics.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Hold on a second. This is a fair bit higher than Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Matt.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's time to. It's time to.

[Gary]

I'm fired.

[Adam Carolla]

It's time to. Just pull up.

[Pamela Adlon]

Maybe the Suicide Squad fans had it right.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Insanity.

[Larry Miller]

This is.

[Gary]

I should have read that. Should have read more of that petition.

[Pamela Adlon]

If there is a flaw with the Rotten Tomatoes site and the way they do things, it's too many after the fact reviews. When they're going to be. The history is on the side. You know what I mean? And it's going to be.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's like a guy who's like talking about, like when he was in school and he's like, I love this. I have to give it like a 90.

[Pamela Adlon]

I want to see the reviews from the day that it came out.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to see what people thought at the time. Well, interesting. All right, well, people love Rodney Dangerfield. I think that that's a lot of it.

[Gary]

That's one of his more accessible movies, too. He's less the freak show that you see in some of the other ones, like Meet Wally Sparks. All right, next up, Arnold Schwarzenegger goes undercover as a schoolteacher as he's trying to track down the fugitive father of one of these kindergarten kids. Movie is Kindergarten Cop.

[Gina Grad]

Saw this in the theater.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Never saw this.

[Brian Bishop]

What year? No year Fair.

[Adam Carolla]

When I see the formula, when I see that formula where it's like, Vin Diesel's gonna be a nanny, I'm always like, this is Ivan Reitman. Could be. Yeah, I think it is.

[Gary]

That's.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a worthy question. Rating it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to. Trying to. I didn't see this or twins either, by the way. I was just playing.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I love twins.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to.

Wait, what's your name?

I'm gonna say hi. Hi, how are you? I'm sorry, I should introduce you to. I'm going to say, I gotta get back in this game, man. What is it? What is it?

[Brian Bishop]

This fucking blows.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever this movie is, I'm going 53%.

[Brian Bishop]

Gina likes all of this shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I do.

[Gina Grad]

And I'm always wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

Weird.

[Pamela Adlon]

This is not that good of a movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, what did you say?

[Adam Carolla]

50? Wait, you got to write your number down.

[Brian Bishop]

You said.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. It's Kindergarten Cop.

[Pamela Adlon]

This is not a very good movie. Aside from a few admittedly great scenes. Overall, not a great movie, but I think people like it because it has kids in it. So I said 70.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

I went the other way. I gotta get back in this game. 28, dude.

[Pamela Adlon]

Oh, it's better than that. No, no, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

I said 72.

[Troy Duffy]

Wow.

[Gary]

Gina, you could just quit now, okay? Kindergarten Cop is rotten at 51%.

[Gina Grad]

It's rotten.

[Adam Carolla]

Working my way back in this bay. Bad boy call man, you're off about three points.

[Gina Grad]

This movie sucks, by the way.

[Pamela Adlon]

Jesus.

[Brian Bishop]

But you love it.

[Gina Grad]

No, I hate this movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you do?

[Gina Grad]

I like. Okay, cool.

[Adam Carolla]

51. 51 with the audience. So the critics are right on this one.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's the audience score. All right.

[Gary]

All right, next up, 1999 film that retells the classic Shakespeare story, the Taming of the Shrew in a high school. It stars Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon Levitt and Larry Miller.

[Larry Miller]

What else do you do that's wrong.

[Gary]

Movie is 10 things I hate about you.

[Adam Carolla]

I enjoyed this movie and I enjoy Larry Miller. I love him in that role. That concerned.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw him gassing up his car the other day in the Valley.

[Adam Carolla]

Larry? Yeah, we love Larry.

[Brian Bishop]

I wanted to say hi to him. It was a little star.

[Adam Carolla]

No easier guy to say hi to. We're driving to Florida. Maybe he was gassing up the car to go to Florida. This is a fun, nice movie. It made me marvel at the high school though. It made me angry at my high school. It was like up on a bluff.

[Pamela Adlon]

Joseph Gordon Levitt. Did you say that?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You ask very good questions.

[Larry Miller]

Very young.

[Gary]

David Krumholtz in this too.

[Pamela Adlon]

Sadly, it's the best thing I do on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

This high school must have been a private high school.

[Troy Duffy]

It's called Verona. Yes. No, it's called Stadium High School in Tacoma.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my. Is it a private school?

[Gary]

Public.

[Troy Duffy]

Public.

[Adam Carolla]

Every time I see this place, I'm like, oh my God. It's like the football stadium with a view of the Puget Sound or something. It's like, it was amazing looking high school. My high school was really modeled after turn of the century prison. Like there's weird grates on all. Everything was painted either weird olive drab color, weird orange, burnt orange, just sort of blah beige. Like it was an institution somewhere between like a ma. Some security place in a mental facility. Like an. It was an institution.

[Troy Duffy]

So the place that that high school was originally built and intended to be.

[Adam Carolla]

A high end hotel that resembled a French chateau.

[Troy Duffy]

Wow. But then there was a massive fire and it became too expensive and the Tacoma school district bought it and finished construction and turned it into a school.

[Brian Bishop]

I love nerds.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I like, I like this. I like this movie. I. I don't know what the critics would have to say about it. It wasn't, you know, a non stop laugh riot, but it was fun, solid, and it was, you know, formulaic and all that, but it was good. And I'm going to say 77.

[Pamela Adlon]

Yeah, I'm right there with you. I said 80.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I remember it being a big hit. I'm going 81.

[Brian Bishop]

94.

[Troy Duffy]

Ooh.

[Gary]

10 things I hate about you is fresh at 61%.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I thought the Joseph Gordon Levitt kind of situation would have.

[Troy Duffy]

Wow.

[Pamela Adlon]

This is a better movie than that, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. Keith Ledger's hair always bothered me. Right?

[Pamela Adlon]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Because it was always so weird and stringy and something Y like hot. It was always dry and weird. It was like dry and oily at the same time. Like it's a weird combo. Like I got Brillo head, but that's just dry and then there's oil.

[Gina Grad]

I get what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

His hair was always been weird.

[Brian Bishop]

The women like that, you know.

[Pamela Adlon]

I know what you're saying. It's just never bothered me. But you're definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

That's no young Val Kilmer hair.

[Pamela Adlon]

You're definitely not going to want to see the Dark Knight in that case because his hair is a mess.

[Adam Carolla]

Even in this movie. It's weird and strong. Weird. And it's just like I always want him to like cut it off or, you know, start over.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it's so cute.

[Adam Carolla]

It's wet and dry.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I like it.

[Troy Duffy]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Brian doesn't have a dog in his house.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gary]

All right. Last film, 2003.

[Adam Carolla]

I have no idea what the score is, by the way, but here we go.

[Gina Grad]

I know. I don't work here anymore.

[Gary]

2003 film directed by Richard Linkletter. Jack Black stars as Dewey Finn. A would be rock God who intercepts a call and becomes a substitute teacher. Ever movie is School of Rock.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, thank you. And a huge Broadway hit music.

[Brian Bishop]

And is now being made into a TV show.

[Pamela Adlon]

Okay. The weird coincidence. Weird, weird coincidence. I had dinner with the guy who's playing the Jack Black role. His name is Tony Cavallara. I had dinner with him on Friday and he. The showrunner for that show for season one was the woman you just told the story about from your sitcom.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Troy Duffy]

How weird. I was gonna bring it up, but.

[Pamela Adlon]

It felt like a non sequitur.

[Adam Carolla]

But now here we are.

[Troy Duffy]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I'm fucked her. I'm never doing a podcast again.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll see her. By the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. I gotta see her brother tomorrow night in a stupid fantasy football pick. Our brother in law listen to this podcast.

[Gina Grad]

We do it for our time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ.

[Pamela Adlon]

This is a demo.

[Adam Carolla]

We do. I gotta do this father and son fairy tale football thing that I'M getting dragged into and the pics are tomorrow night and somebody.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, so fun.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, where were we? All right, this is it. School of Rock. Okay, look, you do this move where you go 95%. Because who didn't enjoy this film? I mean, who went, Nah, not feeling it. I don't believe it. But it can't be 95, can it? Or can it? Or can it? I'm gonna say 89% just. Cause I don't know why, but I think a lot of these guys just for some reason have a problem with Asian dudes rocking, Especially kids. Here we go.

[Pamela Adlon]

I said 90.

[Gina Grad]

I also said 90.

[Brian Bishop]

95.

[Gary]

School of Rock. Certified Fresh. 92%.

[Adam Carolla]

Very close. Very close. All right, Gary's going to tabulate. Let's see. I'll tell you guys another. Are you tabulated? Gary, don't. Ready to go. Here we go. Gina Grad pulling in the rear.

[Troy Duffy]

85 points.

[Adam Carolla]

Pam Adlon. Welcome to the game.

[Troy Duffy]

84.

[Adam Carolla]

Lowest score wins, leaves Adam and Brian. Pam, Brian usually wins this game, and.

[Troy Duffy]

Today it's different because the ace man.

[Adam Carolla]

Takes it 54 to 61.

[Larry Miller]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Pamela Adlon]

Close game.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. It's too bad this will never air. Can't hear my victory.

[Podcast Host / Narrator]

All right, this is Adam Crillow Show 1890. Coming up next, we have Adam Crillow Show 702, featuring Troy Duffy, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2011. This is part two.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Been waiting a long time for this moment. Troy Duffy here, Boondock Saints. He has a graphic novel. He's doing a book signing. It's a graphic novel signing on this Monday, November 21st at 7pm Barnes Noble at the Grove out here in Los Angeles. And you can go online, boondocksaints.com Twitter Troy. TroyDuffy. Troy, I'm excited to see you. I don't believe we've ever met before, have we?

[Troy Duffy]

No, buddy. It's good to meet you. Good to be here. This is kind of weird, wearing the phones, man. We're like three feet away from each other. I can totally hear everything you guys are saying.

[Gina Grad]

I know, but pull one back on your ear. You'll feel less weird.

[Troy Duffy]

Oh, okay. Hey, Bam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Cause Brian is going to play a sound effect. See, you wouldn't have joined the majesty of that fart.

[Troy Duffy]

Listen, I got to tell you right off the bat, man, you know, there's probably some Boondock fans listening right now. I kind of got myself on your show. I don't know if you know this story.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I did not know that.

[Troy Duffy]

You Had Sean Flannery on one night, good friend of mine, he starred in Boondock with one of the brothers in Boondock Saints. And he calls me up. We're just chatting over the phone. He's like, I did the Adam Carolla show. So I'm like, cool. How was that? He's like, he's a huge fan. And I'm like, really? And he goes, yeah, of the documentary.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Troy Duffy]

He's always jabbing the knife, and we've known each other for a long time, so I.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, overnight, by the way.

[Troy Duffy]

Overnight. The documentary. Overnight. For all of those of you who are unfamiliar, which I'm sure most people.

[Adam Carolla]

Are, it's a great documentary.

[Troy Duffy]

Anyway, I go listen to the blog, and I want to make sure I got this right. I'm listening to your blog and you say, quote, my two favorite documentaries are When We Were Kings and Overnight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah. You can't go wrong with either one of those.

[Troy Duffy]

Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, to me, that's great. Fighters in their prime.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, well, I mean, what. You may have said those words, but what I heard was my two favorite foods to eat are a dry, aged New York steak cooked to a perfect medium rare and a plate of human shit.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Troy Duffy]

So I am on the phone, like, immediately calling my people. Get me on that show. A wrong needs to be righted here. So here I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's figure this out, because when you see that documentary, what are your feelings about it? I loved it. And yes, at times you look like an ass in it, but at times, I think history was pretty worked out in your side, didn't it?

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, well, of course it did. But at the end of the day, I mean, I'm essentially here to tell you that it's a deception and a fraud. But that doesn't really. I mean, let's figure out if we've got something to talk about first. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Troy Duffy]

Because then. Are we gonna start recording. Oh, excellent. Excellent. Good one. Good ass douche line earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Troy Duffy]

That was good. As a matter of fact, I got two ass douches to discuss you today. It depends on Adam if you. If you, you know, prefer a relative amount of truthiness in your documentary.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear it. Yeah, I want to hear. Yeah, I want to hear what you thought of that or how it was spun or how it was carved up.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, but would it really matter to you? I mean, was it just the. The entertainment value of watching some Hollywood douchebag act like an asshole for two. Two hours so you're cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I hate Hollywood too, though. And I'm a blue collar guy who feels and felt the same way you did in that many times. I was tired of the fucking guys from Ivy League schools kind of looking down their nose, especially in the comedy department. Because in comedy it's all a bunch of Conan o' Briens who work for the Lampoon. And if you went to state college or you were gentile or you didn't go to college, you couldn't get into the comedy club. So I did share a lot of the feelings you had back then, and I guess you still do share.

[Troy Duffy]

Well, I'm glad that there was something you could relate to there.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Troy Duffy]

However, it was mired in a cesspool of actual shit. Nothing in that thing is truthful. It's a complete fraud.

[Adam Carolla]

How did they. How was that shot and edited and who did it?

[Troy Duffy]

I brought my notes. Let us go through the story, my friends, by the by, before we start this out, I know that there's, like unemployment and wars going on. So, you know, the director's problem with a couple ass douche documentarians is not, you know, really registering on anybody's radar.

[Adam Carolla]

People have real problems, but this is real to you. And can we just for those who don't know the story, because I don't believe I know your entire story. How did it all begin for Troy Duffy? I mean, when did the break begin?

[Troy Duffy]

Well, I'm going to harken you back to the year 1996. I'm basically a bouncer bartender at this club in Hollywood on Melrose, right? My brother Taylor and I are in a band together, rock band with our best friends Jimmy and Gordo, bass and drum, right? So that's like the starring cast of Overnight, the film. Anyway, I write this script, the Boondock Saints, right? What's happened with Boondock? All the fans know about that. I pass it in soon thereafter. I mean, we're kind of in the middle of doing, you know, there's a bidding war. Everything starts up. It's like crazy American Dream type stuff. Everybody's excited. And Harvey Weinstein rolls into the bar one night while me and the guys are drinking in his big black limousine. And he's like, basically, Troy, I know you're a blue collar guy and you haven't really made any real money, but, like, you know this. What are you gonna do with the dough? So I say, like, I love this bar, so I'm thinking of, you know, investing in the bar. He's like, I'll buy it for you. We'll split it 50, 50. Boom. We make the deal with Miramax, I go with that.

[Adam Carolla]

And at this point, you're what age?

[Troy Duffy]

24.

[Adam Carolla]

So you gotta be out of your mind.

[Troy Duffy]

Out of my mind? Yeah. The most I've made in my life was $11,500 in one year.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Troy Duffy]

Just working as a, you know, shit labor.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is the bar that's down. Not there anymore. Used to be down by the Design center.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, it's on Huntley and Melrose. It's now called, I believe, the Villa. Like a face bar.

[Adam Carolla]

We used to go there after Groundling stuff on occasion. It was kind of a popular hangout.

[Troy Duffy]

It was a cool spot, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Comedians and people like that hanging out. It was called Duff's. Troy. Not Troy, but it was like. It had a Sloan's.

[Troy Duffy]

Sloan's.

[Adam Carolla]

Sloan's. Okay, so. All right, so keep going. I'm interested.

[Troy Duffy]

All right. So now at this point, you know, we make the deal, and suddenly I'm on the COVID of USA Today. Blue collar kid done good. Harvey Weinstein buys a guy a bar, right? My own old man. My father's calling me up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit.

[Troy Duffy]

I have no idea. I thought you were bullshitting me. But he's, you know, he gets to USA on his doorstep, and there's his son. So at this point, our two friends, Mark and Tony, ass douche number one and ass douche number two.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it.

[Troy Duffy]

They come to me with this idea for this documentary. They got it all pitched out. It's gonna be a truthful, gritty tale of, you know, doing music and film from the street. And, you know, now that you've got your deal and stuff, it's gonna be this, you know, this. And by the way, bonus number two, we're your friends, so it's gonna be positive about you, okay? Anyway, at the end of the day, I'm like, well, you know, if you're following me around with the camera, you're gonna get the guys, too, in the band. So you better run this by them. They give them the same pitch. We all basically. Okay. I mean, they're essentially asking us for a piece of the pie here, right? But we end up putting a little dollop of Cool Whip on there because we decide we can't. We got a moral problem with profiting financially from something like that. Like your friends doing a fluff piece on you, right? You know, and you're making money. So we say, you know, you make a million bucks, you guys get to keep it. This is your thing, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so that's why they're rolling cameras during this whole. This whole sequence?

[Troy Duffy]

Pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

It's interesting that you're filming all this stuff. Usually this stuff is just spoken about and people have different recollections about it. But you don't roll cameras at this point. You roll cameras when it's time to roll the cameras.

[Troy Duffy]

Yes, exactly. So they kind of got a head start on the story. They are filming the truthful, gritty tale of me and the guys in the band and us doing all this stuff together. But I have to digress for a moment, right? Fans come up to me occasionally and they're like, you know, I saw your documentary last night, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What gave you the impression that it was my documentary? Right. I just explained to you. These guys had it all worked out. This was all their idea. Right, right. And they're like, every. Every fan says the same thing. Well, you obviously, you know, hired your two friends to follow you around with a camera. And obviously, you know, from what I'm telling you, I didn't do that. Right. These guys came and asked, right? So then I talk to, you know, I see this, this, this. This look come over their face. I'm like, look, they're portraying me as an egomaniac. What kind of egomaniac is going to do a negative documentary on himself? It sort of defeats the purpose of egomania to begin with.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, yes.

[Troy Duffy]

So this little, you know, this little oversight by them, I said, maybe what? That's what they should call that goddamn movie oversight. But fear not, you know, because I heard that at one of their screenings, in front of about 50 people, you know, they said, oh, no, it was our idea. Evidently, there's a misunderstanding. And so they, you know, they've really gone above and beyond to jump on that fucking grenade, right? But at the end of the day, they get their slice. And being totally unprepared, these two guys, Mark and Tony, and I know you little motherfuckers are listening right now. Number one. Number two. Oh, you're right about those sound effects, man. See, I would not have been able to enjoy that. So these guys are unprepared. They don't even have cameras, right? I take them out on a shopping spree. I buy them cameras, microphones. It's kind of like champagne on the bow. Good journey to you. Have fun.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's like. It's like you took a guy out, bought him a shotgun and some duct tape, pretty much ether. And next thing you know, you're in the trunk of his car.

[Troy Duffy]

I bought them the knife that they lodged in my fucking spine.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Troy Duffy]

So anyway, that ends up being a huge mistake because over the, you know, the next two, three years, these guys are always coming to me for money, not loans. Here you go. Free shit, right? They're always, oh, we got an editor, we're putting together a fucking trailer. And we got documentary cost 2,000 here, 1,800 here. 800 bucks. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. I figure between 10 and 15 grand out of my own pocket over the two to three year period on a documentary that I'm not a profit participant in. So I'm waving bye bye to this money all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Like bankrolled your own snuff film?

[Troy Duffy]

Pretty much. Pretty much. But remember, at this point it's.

[Gina Grad]

We're all not sniff film.

[Troy Duffy]

Sorry. Remember at this point, we're all friends. This is positive. This is supposed to be a great thing for me and the guys, right? Right, Right. So they start filming and trouble starts almost every immediately, man. I mean, these guys are shoving a camera up our asses. You're talking to your mom on the phone, the camera creeping around the corner. It's ridiculous shit. And you know, we're not exactly the most camera ready crew in the world. There's a bunch of fucking blue collar guys.

[Adam Carolla]

You've not completed your media training at Bradbury Nyman Caffarelli yet, Is that what you're saying?

[Troy Duffy]

Exactly. We lack etiquette.

[Adam Carolla]

And let's be. Let's face it, you'd had a couple of beers in some of these shots.

[Troy Duffy]

As well, drinking and smoking. And these guys are filming us puking over balconies and saying. And doing stupid sh. But it gets worse, right? They like, even like a couple guys in the band got girlfriends. They're hitting on other girls at the bar. So it's like violation of the man code shit, right? We pull these guys, sit them down, and we're like, we want you to erase the offending footage. It's got nothing to do with your story. Right. It's only potentially damaging personally to us, dude. So what are you guys doing? And they basically take this stance of, you know, look, we're the artists, you're just our subjects.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Troy Duffy]

You know, this is our footage and we want to preserve our artistic integrity in the editing.

[Adam Carolla]

Are these dudes from the old neighborhood or these newer Hollywood friends?

[Troy Duffy]

Met him at the bar. We were all hanging at the bar and they were, they. They just started hanging with us. Although, I mean, it's kind of weird because they were only hanging out for a couple months before all this happened, right? But they had that, you know, disturbing veneer of having been there during the tough times when neither of them really were right. It was just two ass douches that hang out at the bar, right? So they maintain this little stance. We start backing off on our little interviews with them, right? We're not really sharing that much. They start feeling, a couple months later, they come up, oh, guys, don't worry. We erased all that stuff. By now, they've breached the trust. We don't believe anything these guys have to say. And we're like, just do your stupid documentary. The band's got to go do its album, and, you know, I got to go do my movie.

[Gina Grad]

Was there a specific footage that you.

[Troy Duffy]

Were aware they got that made you be like, oh, this is not going the way I thought it was going to look at the tough questions. Is that why you have her? That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

She came with the sofa. Actually, I put the sofa and she was sitting there.

[Troy Duffy]

No, it's just like, in general. See, that was a poorly timed. You know, we're right in the middle of something, and there you go screwing it all up.

[Pamela Adlon]

You gave me a lot to think about.

[Troy Duffy]

Give you about a 5, 5, 4 on that one. I can't think of anything offhand. It's like just. We were a crew of just regular dudes that did stupid, stupid shit all the time. But I certainly, you know, if you got a girlfriend, you're hitting on some girl at the bar, you don't want her finding out about that. So it's like, bad stuff. And these guys are refusing to erase it. But they come in a couple months later after they can tell we're kind of pushing them out. You know, we erase the footage. We don't buy it at all. Well, we got bigger fish to fry, so we're like, we're gonna do our thing. Just film your stupid documentary.

[Adam Carolla]

How? What year does Boondock saints get made?

[Troy Duffy]

98.

[Adam Carolla]

98.

[Troy Duffy]

You mean, like, filmed?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do you start shooting in 98? They're shooting you in 96. 97.

[Troy Duffy]

96, I believe they started.

[Adam Carolla]

And ultimately, even though it's not a flattering portrayal of you, is it still? Do you think there'll come a point in your life where you'll look back at it and you'll go, I'm glad this slice of my life was captured? Even if it wasn't flattering.

[Troy Duffy]

I was listening to your show out there. You remember when you were talking about how we have the first generation of these people that have been too coddled. All right? I would learn from my mistakes that way. And I have. Look at this. This is my fault. I take responsibility. I should have been a better leader. I should have known what these guys were doing. I should have cut them out like the cancer they were. I've learned what I'm gonna learn from that. As for nostalgically looking back and having a laugh about it, maybe. But right now, my friends, my family, my reps and producers, they all want to get their hands on these guys and strangle the life out of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Have they made any money off of this thing?

[Troy Duffy]

I suspect not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, I've seen it on, I don't know, the Independent Film Channel or whatever, but it's not like I've seen it in a theater.

[Troy Duffy]

I don't really know. I don't really know if they've made any money off of it. But I did through my inside contacts find out the deal they made and it was a bad freaking deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, that's. People that are fuck ups fuck up. They fuck everything up, even the stuff they're trying to do. The more, you know, how poorly do you.

[Gina Grad]

I haven't seen it.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like to go see it. How poorly do you see it?

[Troy Duffy]

Well, I'm not gonna see that piece of shit yet. One of Adam's very favorite documentary. Comparing it to the Academy Award winning When We Were Kings, which by the way, is my favorite documentary, this is easily. I don't talk about When We Were.

[Adam Carolla]

Kings that much, do I? I didn't remember that twice yesterday, but.

[Pamela Adlon]

Before that I can't remember saying, well.

[Gina Grad]

So Troy, how badly do you feel.

[Adam Carolla]

You come off in it?

[Troy Duffy]

Oh, it's horrible. It's horrible. I'm a complete. It's me acting like an asshole for two solid hours. That's exactly what it is. Now guys like Adam who are in the business can maybe see through a few things, but, you know, it's essential. You gotta picture your fan base watching this and going, oh my God, this movie I love. And this guy did it. He's a huge asshole. I had no idea. The funny thing was my freaking father in law goes out and rents it at Blockbuster.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh no.

[Troy Duffy]

Calls me up and says, I've known you for four years. I had no idea you were such an asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel like it captured a.

[Troy Duffy]

Side of you that people didn't know? Or you feel like it's an inaccurate portrayal? Oh, let's let's. I'm still following my knowledge. I got so much more for you guys. We can do this all night. I don't want to sit back and enjoy the ride.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to talk about the future, Troy. I don't want to live in the past anymore. These guys are ass douches. Fine. I'm gonna get to know the real trust.

[Troy Duffy]

But I mean, you said it. You said this was one of your favorite documentaries, and I'm afraid I have to address some of this stuff, because believe me, you are going to love some of this shit. All right, tell me at this point, Mark and Tony, our wonderful documentarians, are managing the band, okay? And here's what they did. Absolutely fucking nothing. They had no idea what they were doing. One of them's a waiter, the other one's a physical trainer. They've got absolutely. These aren't guys with their finger on the pulse of the music industry in Los Angeles, right? So they're filming our rehearsals, basically, they're shooting their documentary, and the guys are pissing in my ear. All these dudes are doing is like. They're not doing anything for the band and film. They're, like, interrupting us while we're rehearsing, for Christ's sakes. Right? And so all that's happening at. Around this time, Mark Smith, one of the documentarians, comes to me and he goes, listen, FYI, I'm thinking of quitting my job and doing the documentary. Documentary full time. What do you think? So I basically say, yeah, if you want to do it, go for it. Creative pursuit, fine. More on this later. On the same harrowing day, we lose both the film deal and the music deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Was that the same day?

[Troy Duffy]

Same day.

[Adam Carolla]

How did that go down?

[Troy Duffy]

That's a. That's a fun story. To this day, I don't exactly know how we. I never received a call from, you know, Miramax or Maverick, who we had our record deal with. But that goes away and we're fucking devastated, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Troy Duffy]

It was essentially, I know from my dealings with Miramax that they didn't agree with my casting choices. I wanted my two brothers, Sean and Norm, to play the Saints, right? And they thought they were wildly talented and good, but they wanted famous guys for those roles. I disagreed with them, so that had to play into it. Right. Also, I'm sure, you know, I wasn't the easiest guy in the world to deal with, being brand new to the business, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

So you find that out on the same day, you're devastated.

[Troy Duffy]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And these guys want to film oh, yeah.

[Troy Duffy]

They stick the camera right in your family. That's the gold to their little movie at this point.

[Gary]

Right.

[Troy Duffy]

You know, they're no longer your friends. It's just like, how do you feel? You know? Right. So rather than, you know, curl up in a little ball and cry about it, I decide to rally the troops a little bit. We're gonna go back and get. We're gonna resurrect our film deal. We're gonna resurrect our music deal and get them both back.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Troy Duffy]

I set about doing this. William Morris helps me as my agents. Right there a guy named Arnold Rifkin. Arnold, if you're listening, I owe you a huge debt of gratitude. He basically puts his whole company on red alert, said, find a film company to step in here and do this movie. This one gets made, because he's a huge fan at this point, of just my writing. No movies been shot. Right. About six months later, working together, we're able to do just that. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

How did you get the deal where you could first time direct your pages? Because that's a pretty tall order.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially, you know, real movie with a real budget.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, that's a fun story. There was a bidding war between two very powerful indie houses. And while they're going back and forth and trying to get this movie and making the deal bigger and bigger and bigger, at one point I go, hey, I want to direct this. They both stop fighting for a second, look at me and go, okay. And go right back to the table.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? So I saw woven into it.

[Troy Duffy]

I stole it. I robbed it.

[Adam Carolla]

At 24, was there a part of you that everyone. Oh, wait a minute. What'd I get myself into? Like, I. I know I had the vision for this, and I know I wrote it, but maybe I should get a guy who said action and cut before to do this.

[Troy Duffy]

24 years old, man, you're full of testosterone, booze. I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm anxious for that shit. So they both go away. We lose everything. Right? Everybody's screwed. But I'm able to resurrect these deals. And now this is the portion of the documentary where they play this ominous music and they're like, duffy agrees to a six million dollar deal. Less than half what he had with Miramash.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair to you, I'm usually drunk by this point because this. You know, I started watching about 11, 11, 15, I started drinking red wine. I do something called a mangria, where I dump the vodka into the red wine, put some Ice cubes and a little lemon.

[Troy Duffy]

That sounds delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

And by this point, it's a little blurry, so it gets a little hazy somewhere around the 46 minute mark.

[Troy Duffy]

I'm backing off on the I'm their biggest fan thing. You seeing this? You saying this. Two favorite documentaries. But you know, I'm drunk at about this point.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Troy Duffy]

All right. Anyway, these guys at this. At this point, they play this whole thing like it's this terrible negative deal that happened when the fact of the matter is we're dancing a jig. We've got our movie back. This time with my cast. I just went from six bucks an hour to helming a six million dollar film.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, how much money did the movie make overall?

[Troy Duffy]

I mean, internationally and to this point, it's Boondock 1.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Troy Duffy]

Movie we're discussing right now and two, the sequel.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Troy Duffy]

Which is on pace to destroy the first one financially. But Boondock 1 became the highest grossing cult hit in the last 20 years. It only cost $6 million. Never received a theatrical release. Right now, its global GROSS is over 200.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Troy Duffy]

It keeps breeding new generations of fans. It's one of these things that's just kind of weirdly passed down.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? Maybe you're not gonna enjoy this, but do you think the doc helped at all?

[Troy Duffy]

No, the movie already hit before the doc hit. Movie came out in 2000. I believe the doc came out in 02 or 03.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But still a couple eyeballs going, hey.

[Troy Duffy]

Man, I'm sure it happened with a.

[Adam Carolla]

Few people, but not enough to be substantial.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, not enough to be substantial. And by the way, just between me and you and the 8 million people that are listening, I don't want to give them now. Fuck those guys. Screw you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

So 200 million worldwide for a movie that never got a theatrical release.

[Troy Duffy]

Yes, and I'm gonna get to that here. This is the story I'm telling you. The story that they basically should have told. I'm telling you the truth now. And it's actually much more interesting than what they did.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, yes, but what I'm.

[Troy Duffy]

Saying is it's gonna be by the time I'm done.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what's going. No, I agree. This is what's go. Goes on with anyone you talk to who does any kind of reality television, they go, they just shot that and cut it up. And they build. They build a story. And if the story is to the right, they can still work on the story to the left. Or if there's no story, they'll just make their own story.

[Troy Duffy]

Make shit up. Yeah, exactly. You know, I mean, to me, that's the kind. The real tragedy here is that the real story was much more interesting, and Boondock fans would. Would love to see that, but they're going to be denied it because these guys decided to go the sensationalistic route because they felt that that's where their money was. Right? So now we've lost everything. We start gaining it back. We resurrect that movie deal. About two months later, I am able to leverage the soundtrack and get the music deal back. But now with a much more powerful label, it's a five album record deal with Atlantic Records. Right. So now the band is getting their record advances. They're coming, Everybody's happy. We have done it. We had everything. We lost it. We got it back. Right now comes, I'm sure, the point. You weren't drunk during this documentary. It comes to this emotional sort of climactic scene where I appear to be raging around my living room and yelling at these guys, refusing to pay them some sort of money I owe them, which they don't go into any detail on. Right, right, right. The devil, as we know, is in the details. And here they are for the first time on the Adam fucking Carolla show. I'm actually gonna tell you exactly what happened there. At this point, the documentarians call that meeting, which is odd because I'm the guy calling meetings, or the guys in the band are. They never do. But now they've got something they need to table, and they make sure the cameras are on. When they make the following request of us. They say that for all their historical work with the band for which they were fired by us, this guy had no idea what they were doing. We lost that first record deal. We fired them. Said we were going to go seek professional management and, let's be honest, wasn't the hardest thing in the world to walk away from because we lost record deal. So now, six, eight months later, they come to us and say that for their historical work with the band, they feel that they are entitled to their managerial 15% of our new record deal. Ah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And that spawns the.

[Troy Duffy]

That room lights up. That room lights up like a fucking Christmas tree. The guys have had it up to here, man. They're like, you motherfuckers, how dare you? We fired your asses for not knowing what you're doing. Right. And you abandoned us, really, because it was really easy for you to do so. And now we. We could. We set the whole thing Back up and you're coming with your hand out, and you know you fucking going to Troy every two weeks for money, right? So this whole situation kind of boils down and everybody calms down at the end of the night, right? To which I say, look, our friends Mark and Tony here, these documentarians may have had the wrong approach here, but they're obviously suffering financially. I'm doing well. I got movie money. The guys are getting paid with record advances coming along, you know, but our friends here kind of. Of suffering, right? So let's. When we get our record money, let's. Let's pull together $5,000 and give it to him. And, you know, the. The guys all accept this deal, and of course, Mark and Tony begrudgingly accept because they feel they're entitled to much more. This is what you were talking about earlier with entitlement. They felt that this was like coming to them.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of that.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah. And it really fucking pissed us off.

[Larry Miller]

Would you.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you go Evel Knievel on him if you saw him? You know how evil Knievel would treat his detractors.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, with a baseball bat.

[Troy Duffy]

Whoa. It's one of those things. I mean, I've kind of grown up and learned my lesson. I can't be doing that type of shit anymore. I did back in the day quite a bit, sure. But no, I wouldn't. I just ignore the little pricks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Troy Duffy]

Which I've done up to this point. I mean, your show is really the first time I'm addressing this with the fan base.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm glad you're getting it out there. And I should say, by the way, speaking of the fan base, once again, the graphic novel. This is what you'll be signing, by the way, November 21st at 7pm at the Barnes and Noble at the Grove. I am correct in saying that. Yes, Troy, Yes. All right, Troy. Unfortunately, we have to skip to the end of this because we're just about out of time. Are you. Have you said I feel like. I feel like you made your point. You feel. You feel satisfied.

[Troy Duffy]

I've got much more for you. But we can, like.

[Adam Carolla]

We can do a part.

[Troy Duffy]

We can. We can. We can leave it. Right. Basically, you know, my two friends stabbed me in the fucking back. That's what their documentary is, period.

[Adam Carolla]

I know that feeling of. It's like a bad dream where you're screaming and no one can hear you and you're being portrayed as this way, or you're just. And they're spinning something like, I Think maybe we're the same this way in that I don't mind fucking up and I don't mind fuck ups. I mind when things are unfair, like when things are inaccurate. Like, I really can't stand when somebody says, Adam turned to me and called me an asshole. And it's like, I never did. But you're in front of a third person that believes that person and you're like, oh, my God. And I'd rather this person just punch me then say that. And it's that thing where that person thinks you're that person who said that. And obviously this has been a source of frustration for you.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah. I mean, talk about Street. When this thing first comes out, the guys see it, they call me up pissed off, and they literally grab baseball bats and go looking for these two motherfuckers, Evil Knievel style. Evil Knievel style. They call me up and they're like, we're doing this. And I'm all, don't do that. That's the last thing we need. Duffy sends death squads, sure. Against innocent documentarians. And they're like, you've been. You've gotten to Hollywood, dude. Street, we're gonna take care of this. We're rolling. So they leave and I'm sitting by the phone like, oh. And luckily, these guys didn't happen to be at their local drinking holes that evening, or they'd both be walking with a limp today.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you out? Are you out in Hollywood? Out in LA full time?

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, my house is 10 minutes from here.

[Adam Carolla]

And next movie, next project?

[Troy Duffy]

Well, I mean, we did. We got Boondock two done. It's doing extremely well. And yeah, there. There are some next projects, but one of them is actually so close to. I can't actually talk about it, but guys fucking said some shit. But basically, it's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll be coming out when? Approximately?

[Troy Duffy]

We haven't made the deal yet, that's why.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see.

[Troy Duffy]

I got loads of stuff now. I mean, in terms of plugging stuff, I'm not so much of a plugger. But I will tell you two things I'd like to plug.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Troy Duffy]

Have you ever gone to a store called Old Good Things?

[Adam Carolla]

No, bro.

[Troy Duffy]

You have got to do this. This is an architectural salvage place. When they destroy these old, like these old, like train stations and historical buildings that go and pull off all the stone molding all the one over kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

You're talking to a dude who spends half his life scavenging, scavenging through those places, even at a place called Scavenger's paradise in North Hollywood. And I always go end up when I can't find whatever I want over at Liz's on the west side. And you buy a fucking ringlet there for a doorknob and it's like $272 and they get to have sex with your kid. It's insanely expensive, but you can't find the stuff anywhere. But I love my whole house is one big chunk of that stuff.

[Troy Duffy]

So is mine. I'm actually building like a yard right now. I got two turn of the century Boston street lights from this place that were the old gas ones. Original cast iron.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is this place?

[Troy Duffy]

This place? Dude, the first time I walked in, 18th and grand according to the photo.

[Adam Carolla]

18Th and Grand. Oh, and so it's in. In LA. It's in downtown LA.

[Troy Duffy]

It's right off the tan, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I gotta get the hell out there.

[Troy Duffy]

First thing I saw when I walked in is a. A propeller from A battleship thing. Seven and a half feet tall, weighs like 10 tons, three feet thick. A solid steel in the middle, tapers down to three inches.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Troy Duffy]

I got it mounted on this thing. The shit you find when you go through this place is unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that. And I now will invite you to my home, Troy, because every lighting fixture, everything hanging from the ceiling, every sconce on the wall, I collected every scavenged, every one of them. Back me up, people.

[Troy Duffy]

That's true.

[Pamela Adlon]

How did you not hear about old good things?

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah, how did you miss this? Dude, when you walk in there, it's going to change your life. I guarantee you.

[Adam Carolla]

I would go to down to like Cleveland wrecking and stuff like that down there and look and scat, you know, bathtubs and old cast iron sinks and just everything. But I've never been to this place.

[Troy Duffy]

This place has more high end stuff. Like, you know those old cage elevators in New York City? Sure, they got one of those. It's like all brass and copper, you know, you can use as a gazebo. I mean, the place is outstanding. I'm gonna send you some pictures in my yard. The second thing I want to plug. And we have a connection here that you don't know about. Jimmy Kimmel's pizza oven was made by my current stone mason guy named Chuck Agnew.

[Adam Carolla]

Now hold on a second. Jimmy Kimmel has had three pizza ovens.

[Troy Duffy]

Oh, he has no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

He has the pizza oven of his first house. Jimmy built the pizza oven the size of Fort Knox and then got divorced 10 minutes later. And as the Bumper sticker says, you can't take a pizza oven with you. That's one thing you can't take. Easy bag that goes with you. Pizza, not so much. There's a big smokestack and bricks and everything. Then he moved into another house, and that's probably where your buddy put the bricks together and built. Jimmy.

[Troy Duffy]

This particular guy is a goddamn genius.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Troy Duffy]

I think we sent you some pictures, but I'm gonna resend a bunch of stuff of this guy's work. He is an amazing stonemason. I mean, what he's doing. I will invite you to my house. As a matter of fact, you can do your blog from there. One night. Because I'm planning on having the party once the whole side yards dialed in. I got pools out of my podcast. Podcast. Right.

[Pamela Adlon]

Right.

[Troy Duffy]

I'm not the most technically savvy guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I can't spell, so I can't do a blog.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So we can have a grand opening of your yard.

[Troy Duffy]

It's exactly. I'm in. My full intention is to get drunk and actually name it. It's like Hef's got the grotto. My spot is cool. I need some name for it. It's got to be the something, right? You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Troy Duffy]

It can't be like, come and meet me in the side yard. It sounds stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Dog runs no good. No, you come up with something good, but you gotta wait till you get drunk and you get in there.

[Troy Duffy]

You know what? That's when the. It's flowing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna bring the Mangria.

[Troy Duffy]

All right. All right. I got my own version of Mangria.

[Adam Carolla]

Troy Duffy, everybody. Troy, you're gonna. We're gonna have fun in each other's yards. Wanna have fun in each other's yards without going to each other's yards? How about go to meet. Oh, man. That's why they call me Ace. The graphic novel Boondock Saints is out, and Troy will be signing it Monday, November 21, 7pm at Barnes and Noble. And you can Twitter Troy, Troy Duffy. And boondocksaints.com is where you go for more information. Troy, I'll see you in your backyard, and we'll do this soon, all right? So until next time, it's Adam Crowfer, Paul Bryan, Troy Duffy, and Allison Rhodes. And saying mahalo. Hey, you want to suck cock? Knock it off.

[Podcast Host / Narrator]

All right, that was Adam Carillo Show 702. Coming up next, we have Adam Carillo Show 383. Rochelle Spector, Larry Miller, Teresa Strasser, and Brian Bishop. From 2010.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you again, Bald Brian. I consider myself a nerd and a copy course. Teresa Strasser.

Nice to see you.

The always lovely Teresa Strasser. About to pot up a little Isaac K. So he can help me out, do a little blast for my good friends over at Stitcher. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Isaac, do you have an app up there in heaven?

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pamela Adlon]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

It's like an Eric Clapton song.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

An app up in heaven.

Yeah.

[Pamela Adlon]

Absent Heaven.

[Adam Carolla]

Apps in heaven. Would you get my tweet?

It'll be nice to have an app to, like, alert you when someone was, you know, at the pearly gates. You know, Isaac needs this app.

Yeah. Stitcher.com. throw it on your iPhone, BlackBerry, Android, and Palm, and you can stream this show live. You don't download it. You don't have to do the sink. The daily sync. It's there, everyone. If you're listening to the show and you enjoy the show and you would like to skip a step. I'm gonna cry. If you'd like to skip a step, where you go to your computer and sync the things up, well, then you just go to stitcher.com.

Don'T drop your phone out the window.

Yes. Have the maid watch your phone.

Too soon.

Yeah. Then do not live in a skyscraper. I'm sure the kid be in rehab by now anyway. The point is this, all right? You're right out of bounds. The point is this. You can listen to the show whenever, wherever, and it's free. It's all free. It's stitcher.com. plus extra exclusive content that we give you after each and every show. And I must say, some of it has been better than decent. It is a good thing. Yeah. Isaac Hayes likes it.

He knows it's good.

We're getting some static feedback, but either way, we'll push through. All right, Larry Miller's waiting in the wings. Theresa Strasser's got her news, which I never feel like we quite get to, or at least get to enough of. So how about we start off, see if we can't get some under our belt with Teresa Strasser. In the news, from the International News.

[Troy Duffy]

Center, next to Donnie's minibikes, this is the news with Teresa Strasser.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, before I get to this Craigslist killer and what happened to him in prison, first, a quick and very sad note. Very local news. Remember I was telling you about my fruit stand?

Mm. Good name for T's V, I think.

You were saying it was a good name for A gay bar.

Oh, gay bar. That's right.

The fruit stand.

Mr. Pfister. Yeah. Street from the fruit stand.

Well, you know what? It's not so funny now because the. The poor man was stabbed.

What man was stabbed?

The fruit stand vendor.

Really?

He goes out there every day.

Stabbed with a penis and his ass.

Stabbed with a knife by a hooligan.

Really?

Yeah. Thug life over there on my quarter. I feel so bad. He's in critical condition.

The guy who worked at the fruit stand in your neighborhood got stabbed?

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, the good news is I may lose my house, and then I won't be in this neighborhood anymore.

Yeah.

CO signed on my dad's loan.

You'll be living under the. Under a pier.

See how I see the bright side.

On things like Baywatch nights? Okay, now, the stabbing of someone. We've all talked about this. I'm very interested in sort of human nature. I understand the shooting. I even understand the sort of sniper stuff. But the part where you say to someone, hey, give me your money, and you just start randomly stabbing a stranger, even if you don't kill the stranger, doesn't that make you a wildly dangerous person? Like, just the physicality of doing that, that you could.

There's one thing to shoot somebody, but it's so personal. Be close enough to somebody to look in their eyes and, you know, stick a shank in their side.

It's just the notion of if I have somebody behind me in line and. And the person says, oh, personal check. And I look behind me and I see two people in line, I think, I'll just give you cash. Even though I wanted to hang on to my cash, because I know it's going to take an extra few minutes for you to process this or do whatever it is, just not to hold up. If you're at the ATM and you get your cash and it says, would you like another transaction? And you think to yourself, oh, I would like another transaction. But you look behind you and there's two people standing there, and you think, eh, let them get to their cash. Their cars are probably illegally parked. So just that juxtaposed to taking a steak knife and ramming it into your esophagus. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

It feels so crazily out of bounds. And I mean, I know it's a crime, and I know these people are criminals and so on and so forth, but I just sort of break it down to just a psychodynamic, like, human space standpoint. Just like if someone was waiting for A parking space for a long time and had their clicker on and their blinker on and all of a sudden you just slid in. I couldn't live with myself. Like, I'd feel horrible. How is it that people are able to do that? And once you've completely surgically removed that from your brain, that thing where you can just have empathy or feelings for anyone or think, geez, I wouldn't like it if I was stabbed or someone took my parking space at that point, aren't you more animal than human being? Because that would kind of separate us 100%. And at that point, what is it whether you're 17 and come from the wrong side of the tracks or whether you're 57, when somebody can take something and for some reason it's even worse when it's sort of homemade. Knives are made for stabbing. Great Nancy Sinatra song. But I mean, when someone takes like a Phillips head screwdriver and stabs someone repeatedly, you know, it's like, once you're capable of doing that, aren't you broken?

Yeah, I don't think you can be rehabilitated.

How many guys in fucking tweed jackets who look like my dad when he was 61 are gonna fucking cure you?

Yeah, but what really? I think if anything can rehabilitate you and get you to sort of understand the error of your ways, it's definitely prison.

Oh yeah, A bunch of like minded stabbers so that you can make shanks on your spare time when you're in lockdown is awesome.

No better place to learn how to process your emotions in a more positive and peaceful way than in the joint.

Well, you know, once in a while, if you well up or your therapist wells up, you know, that's a. That can be a breakthrough, actually. A tear shed. But these guys have tears on full time.

Oh yeah.

The guy serving you shit on a shingle has a tear coming out of his eye and he may be in a great mood.

[Pamela Adlon]

And a spider web.

[Adam Carolla]

And a spider web. That's right.

I feel very depressed about the fruit stand guy. Amongst other other things, because this was a. I mean, do you know how hard it is to stand out in the hot sun all day on the corner just slicing hunks of watermelon and mango and pineapple, putting it in a plastic bag, doling it out for three to five dollars all the. And then a guy just stabs you for whatever hundred bucks cash you have on you.

Yeah, I'm hungry.

Well, fortunately.

And then I like the other. And then I like when people do this thing, the cops will do it, everyone will do it. Well, you don't argue with them like, oh great, problem solved. He probably tried to keep his money. Oh, so it's his fault. It's his fault. I get it, okay? This is great policing.

[Pamela Adlon]

That's sort of like the how not to get a hangover. Don't drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't drink. Oh, awesome. So I should just keep the cash in a burlap sack up front that says troublemakers take and I will not chase you or press charges. Yes. God forbid somebody, some super hardworking guy just spent 8 hours slicing a pineapple in the sun. Wants to keep what he earned.

Right? And a very mild mannered guy. I don't see him putting up a huge fight. But if you're a drug addicted thug, I don't think it takes much.

Yeah.

To inspire you to stab a guy.

On the other hand, I bet the guy who worked at the fruit stand had a bigger knife, right?

Wait a second, he's got a huge knife?

Was he bitten by his own snake? Oh sweet.

You think maybe the knife was. They took his knife and turned it on him.

Well, if you're really just talking about desperate and drug addled right now.

Mind you, this happened one day after I was at the park with my baby.

Cops did originally deem it a attempted suicide.

No, they did.

So it was.

[Pamela Adlon]

He ignored the first rule of fruit standing. Never take your eyes off the knife.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, yeah. This at the same day in the park around the corner, a, a nude man, 100% nude. Looked around 30 was on the rings like, you know those gymnast rings just swinging. And I couldn't believe they weren't rings.

[Pamela Adlon]

Theresa, they're monkey bars.

[Adam Carolla]

He's on the monkey bars. And then he went on the swing and then he was on the basketball court doing push ups.

100%, Nick, 100.

No socks, no shoes, nothing. And then I called the cops and four of them came. And I was just hoping for a tasing because I'd never seen a tasing we said came.

Well, there was five of them. But only four of them came. Is that what you're saying?

I gotta say, so the neighborhood's maybe not turning around.

Can I say this to anybody who may be working the budget on the federal level? If you're laughing, if you're Schwarzenegger or Villa Rugosa, but certainly California, certainly la, I would just get a whole bunch of pictures of, you know, that guy and you know the guy, not only the guy who stabbed the guy, but the guy who's working the fruit stand. And various pictures of guys, you know, with the shopping carts that have been modified with the propane tanks that are selling the drunken bacon weenies out front of the Staples Center. And here should be my pitch and a picture of Dennis Woodruff's acting truck.

[Troy Duffy]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'd say, listen, we're not the same as Montana or Maine. We need extra money because we have extra assholes coming to where we are. See, whether it's the legal guy who hops the wall or swims the whatever and gets over here and is cutting the pineapple who's not paying a lot in pineapple taxes, or it's the illegal guy who stabs the illegal guy who's cutting the pineapple. Or it's Dennis Woodruff. Or it's the naked guy came out. I guarantee the naked guy in the park came out here because he thought he was going to be on Melrose Place 11 years ago. He may have been probably Luke Perry.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Where are they now?

Andrew Shue, naked at Exposition Park. Here's my point. Shouldn't we get extra money for having extra nut jobs? Extra, Extra. Like all the jack off women and female. The women come here from Mississippi thinking they're gonna model, end up getting strung out on drugs, doing a couple of porn films, shitting out a couple kids, and then getting on the doll. Right, right. The legals come over here looking for a better whatever, but they're still not paying a ton of taxes. And then the crazy Woodruff guys come over here and just park their car everywhere with plywood all over it and advertise their acting. And then this crazy guy with the fruit stand and getting stabbed and crazy guy at the park. Shouldn't we get a couple extra shekels for all the fucking nut jobs are attracted to where we're at. Versus some of these other places are just geographically. Really. The hobos. It's too cold for the hobos and too far away for the Mexicans.

Like, does Maine really have a big problem with fruit stand guys getting stabbed?

I would.

Too cold to be out stabbing people.

I would say no.

Okay, this will cheer you.

But they sell snow peas on the side of the freeway or lobsters.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Craigslist killer Philip Markoff used his medical training to commit suicide in his jail cell on Sunday. Now, we were talking about this little game, this hypothetical game. If we. If we had to kill ourselves, who could do it faster?

Mm.

Well, this guy. Neither of us could really come up with a really brilliant idea. I had suicide by cop.

Yeah. That was worse than my idea.

And I can't remember what your idea was.

Thank you. Stop kissing my.

But it was superior. I'm sure.

I was going to run out. Oh yeah.

Get hit by an 18 wheeler.

Yeah, I was gonna. I was gonna drive my car up the on ramp, get on the side of the freeway as fast as I could, pop the hood and pretend like I blew a radiator hose and then just peek out from around the hood and the first 18 Wheeler who oftentimes have to stay in the right lane. The first 18 wheeler I saw come by would just pop out in front of it as quickly as I could.

Well, here's what we're missing. Medical training. Now this Craigslist killer was in the joint and all he had was a pen. Like the pen I'm holding in my hand right now. And yet he managed to off himself.

Trach.

In short order. He stabbed himself in major arteries in the leg and neck with a pen before putting a plastic bag over his head.

[Troy Duffy]

Head.

[Adam Carolla]

One, two. Punch.

Uh huh.

Yeah. He had been in medical school. He was on. He was awaiting trial in Boston.

Is he the Craigslist one who killed a medical student?

This guy fatally shot or was accused of fatally shooting Julissa Brisman, a masseuse he met on Craigslist. And he was also accused of the armed robbery of a Las Vegas woman whom he also met on Craigslist.

[Troy Duffy]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's why he was a crazy Craigslist guy.

[Troy Duffy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

Two people.

[Larry Miller]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. All right, he's dead. Saved us a few ducats. Except for the part where his family's gonna sue.

Oh, that's highly likely because he was a ballpoint pen. Yeah.

And with his medical training, we should have known that he was aware and.

Shouldn'T have given him his.

Right. And by the way, here's the worst part of this whole thing. Not only is his family going to sue the whatever facility, they'll probably win or they'll settle. But that's not the worst part. You wanna know what the worst part is?

What?

No more pens.

[Troy Duffy]

Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

So, right. So the dude who's in there for.

The dui and he's just writing poetry.

And his fucking attorney was gone for the weekend and his old ladies pissed off at him. And. And he said on Friday night, I'll see you on Monday. And the only thing this guy had is a fucking pen and a steno pad to pass the next two days. Pen taken away from that guy too. I guarantee there'd be a guy dressed like the fucking Monopoly man in a fucking top hat who's in there for, you know, having a joint in his pocket. Hello, my name is Graham Wellington. Even Graham Wellington of the Wellingtons of Yorkshire will not be able to get pen. That's the worst part. All the other inmates gonna get their fucking pen taken away. Doesn't sound like much, but that's pretty big. If you imagine being in a joint, no panty.

That would be horrible because all you'd want to do is read and write all day.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

At least the one good part about being in the joint is a, you know, writing your memoirs. And the other is drawing yourself on a Pegasus, wearing a Prussian helmet, shirtless and more muscular than you actually are.

Well, I mean, your. Your physical body is imprisoned, but your mind is.

They can't catch that man.

But then they take your pen and then all the words are just trapped inside your mind. The prison that is your mind. Yeah, that would be horrible. But I think they'll find a way to make pens out of something else. That's what they do.

[Larry Miller]

That's what they do.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? I don't know what.

Oh, the world's next. The world's. Oh, I got a show for fox. World's greatest prison Inventor.

So they would compete to see who could come up with the best invention.

[Pamela Adlon]

Yeah, Prisoners Got Talent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

They do. Cara Dioguardi found out she was getting fired from American Idol when she read it in the news. According to her father.

Nobody ever finds out from their agent in this town.

Yeah, her dad, I didn't realize he was a Republican candidate.

[Troy Duffy]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

He appeared on Capitol Tonight and was asked about his daughter and he said, would you believe she did not hear and has still not heard anything? She read it the way you did. And I did. Her disappointment is that that's the way she's being treated and she feels that's not proper. I think they're trying to create a lot of buzz.

Honestly, what happens is they make a decision and they make a decision and then they make a time they want to announce their decision, but oftentimes it's unrealistic because their announcement time is three weeks after human nature and Hollywood and people gossip and for the love of Christ, this town, everyone is just a fucking loudmouth gossip. And it's full of chicks and gays and straight guys who should be gay or chicks, and they love just a yap, yap, yap. Next story.

[Troy Duffy]

Next.

[Adam Carolla]

Nikki Fink is obviously going to hear something before, you know, Fox says, oh, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna deliver the news at the end of the month. Way too long. It's gonna get out.

By the way, how about Carrie Fisher playing Nikki Fink on your favorite show, Entourage? Did you see it this week?

Nikki Fink's a chick. Yeah, yeah, I did. Did not know that.

I think that was a character based on Nikki Fink.

Right? I guess. I don't know. I don't read the column or I don't, I don't know what's going on. I will give myself credit. I don't like to brag, but. But I knew our goddamn radio station, Kaylis X was folding two months before it folded. Did I say anything? No, I did not. But it was funny when we talk about, hey, we're gonna do March Madness this year. And I knew we were going February 20th. That's why. You know how I normally seem disinterested. Yeah, it worked perfectly.

I was gonna say, normally you would all make us, you know, stay after for like two, three hours just hammering out the beats of what March Madness was gonna be.

[Pamela Adlon]

Well played, you evil genius.

[Adam Carolla]

Mel Gibson apparently crashes Maserati. TMZ reports that the actor lost control of his car and struck the hillside on Malibu Canyon Road. For unknown reasons, Mr. Gibson steered his car to the right and struck the rock Hillside Road. Read the California Highway Patrol report.

Let me say something about the lost control of my car.

Yeah.

That means you're either driving the wheels off it, especially modern cars. It's hard to lose control of modern cars. I mean, you have to. They have anti lock brakes and steering assist and all. I'm not sure which Maserati it was, but the point is, is you have to be pushing it. Well, I don't mind, but you either have to be loaded or really joy riding.

Well, he does like to be himself.

Yeah, he does like the idea that you can be yourself on the road. He's in love with the notion of it, at least.

When asked if he'd fallen asleep behind the wheel, he did not give a firm yes or no. Gibson was not heard and told cops do not suspend. And told cops that alcohol had nothing to do with the accident.

That's what they always say. And by the way, can I say this, we do a lot of stuff in our society. We're like, did you, were you drunk or did you just merely fall asleep while operating the 4200 pound vehicle? Personally, I'd rather hear the guy was drunk.

Right.

Oh, great. So we get to drive around a Bunch of guys who are so fucking bored with a Maserati that they just doze off behind the wheel. I mean, let's really break this down for a second. You tell a guy what happened? Well, you know, how did you, how did you fracture your pelvis? Well, I was driving home from Vegas. We basically pulled an all nighter and I was totally sober and just somewhere on the grapevine or somewhere in the five or whatever, whatever I was on it just passed the Great Greek and I fell asleep and ran to an oncoming car. People be like, oh, feel sorry for like, oh, wow, wow. Well that's tragic. But if you said, hey, I was coming home from Jumbo's clown room and a couple Jaeger shots into me and I plowed into a car when I was coming home, they'd be like, well, you're a fucking criminal. But really, what's worse? Falling asleep behind the wheel. And am I just being naive here? I would be rather be on the road with a bunch of drunk people than a bunch of fucking narcoleptics. People that fall asleep while they're driving don't wake up until their front bumper is going through your passenger side door. That's what, that's their alarm clock. Drunk people sideswipe you and get squirrely. And at least drunk people you can tell are drunk. When a guy falls asleep, falls asleep, he just goes into oncoming traffic. Why aren't we fucking treating people? Why aren't we, why aren't they going to meetings? Like every single person that falls asleep behind the wheel is a criminal.

You've heard of aa? They go to ZZ Z.

Yes. A third Z. Yeah.

Thank you.

No, but seriously, like, oh, hey, I'm a commercial airline pilot. I fell asleep by the wheel. We clipped a mountain.

Like what we do feel bad, but you're right. I mean, have you ever been tired on the road and thought, you know what, I better pull over and get a coffee or.

Yeah, I would never fall asleep behind. I would never follow. He has a Quattroporte. I guess it was just a four door. Just made four holes, four openings or something. It's a boring name. Sounds cool in English, but in, in Italian, it's sort of just four things, four doors. But the point is, is why don't we come down harder on people? If like, if somebody said, oh no, no, no, I wasn't drunk, I decided to catch some Z's while I was driving. Well, who's worse? Who's more dangerous, right? Rather have the fucking drunk guy out there.

So you want to start Matt's. Matt. Mothers Against Tired.

Yeah, well, at least as a society, let's at least start coming down on these ass wives, right?

You have a responsibility to be awake.

If you hit a fucking oak tree. Whether you had five Mickey's big mouths or you just pulled an all nighter and we're coming home from the office. Either way, you should be fine. The same amount of money, you should have your license suspended. Whatever you got for the five Mickey's big mouths. The same thing. Same thing as you get for burning the midnight oil at the office. You fucking. You lost control of your 5000 pound vehicle and could have easily killed one of our kids.

Now, one last quick story before we bring in Larry Miller. I wanted to get to the 10 most inappropriate celebrity dads, but perhaps we'll get to that later.

Oh, we have.

It's pretty awesome. And a lot of them. You've already selected yourself independent of this list.

[Troy Duffy]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Starting to be on my list. Deadbeat Jude Law's ex wife Sadie Frost is opening up about the couple's marital troubles. In a new autobiography, Crazy Days, set to be published next month, Sadie reveals that postpartum depression and the pressures of fame contributed to the downfall of their marriage. She was 26 when she met Jude Law in 94, who at the time was a 19 year old struggling actor living hand to mouth between acting jobs. After marrying, they had three kids and Sadie said she suffered from depression.

I'd like to change that term from hand to mouth to ass to fist. Wait, it's working in there. Let's see what it sounds like.

Okay, let's see.

You could say fist to ass.

Sadie was 26 when she met Law in 94. At the time was a struggling actor who was living hand to fist.

Come on.

Ass to fist.

Oh T, you're being doing this on purpose.

He was a struggling actor living ass to fist.

Fist to ass.

Fist to ass.

All right, let's hear it one more time. Thank you.

At the time he was a 19 year old struggling actor living ass to fist.

I'd like to hear fist ass, please. And continuing please.

Fist first.

Yes, Fist first.

He was a 19 year old struggling actor who was living fist to mouth between acting jobs.

Fist to ass.

Sniff tired.

Fist, ass. Oh, God. And then go give a few. Give the finish the rest of sense.

[Larry Miller]

What else do you do that's wrong?

[Adam Carolla]

I hear that in my head all the time. Did you play that drop? I literally hear that in my head all day.

You know the actor who was a living fist to mouth of his dad.

[Larry Miller]

And now stops.

[Adam Carolla]

Fisty hard fist.

Fist to ass. There we go. One more take. But have fun with it.

I'm sleep deprived. Let me just have fun with it and be myself. Right? That's the best advice for you.

You want to have fun with it? Be yourself.

Just don't worry about it too much. Just have fun with it.

Don't get up in your head.

Okay.

Fist, ass.

[Gina Grad]

How about leaving the jokes to Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

It was a 19 year old struggling actor who was living fist to ass between acting jobs.

That's good, right?

My delivery was bad.

Like ass to fist better, but either way, hand to mouth.

[Pamela Adlon]

One more for safety.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we got it. We got it clean. Now you can have fun with it coverage.

So you have one for safety and this one's just for shits and giggles.

Yeah, this is the martini.

Okay. At the time, he was a 19 year old actor who was struggling.

Have fun. Stay on script and have fun.

I got in my head.

All right, let's go. Keep rolling real quick. Go again quickly.

It's like Charles Barkley's golf swing.

Go get.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets.

Go quickly.

He was a 19 year old actor living fist to ass between acting jobs. I think I nailed it.

Yeah, that's good. All right, that's print, Dawson. Print that one.

[Larry Miller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, great. All right, well, we get ready to bring in. Meet Larry Miller. I'll tell you about our friends at computer. And by the way, you can keep adding computers if you're one of those super rich guys. And not that it cost you money, that's go to my PC. But I mean super rich guy who needs 15 computers. Which, by the way, that's the new benchmark for the new evil villain. The old evil villain. Go to my PC.com, by the way, 45 days free. What do you got to lose? The old villains had the Persian cats and the bald guy who did their bidding. The new villains have a desk with 22 computers on it. And they operate them with their hand. Like they point at the screen and they lift up these hologramic images and then they point like they're conductors. But they have computers all over the place. I barely need one computer. I just need an Etch A Sketch that plugs into 110. But these guys, if you watch any of the these modern day sort of evil dudes, I'll guarantee when they do the next Wall Street, Gordon Gekko is going to have some spot in his office as 11 computer and it's just huge monitors. And there'll be a lot of pointing and operating with the foot and the hand. And no one's ever going, what the hell's my access code again? God damn it, Jenny. Where's it written down here? No, it's going to be pointing knowing. How we doing in Tokyo? What's the Nik average doing a pow point at one. It'll pop up, be floating. All right, so new evil guys, multiple computers. Bad, poor evil guys. Back in the day, multiple cats.

[Pamela Adlon]

Larry Miller, the evil, the comedic odd job.

[Larry Miller]

By the way, odd joke. As. As you know, I. I'm not the angry type. I don't come in. In here on the show with a bad attitude. I don't come in here mad. I don't come in here looking to hurt someone. But I. I have to tell. I have to say something. I've been a comedian and an actor and a writer for many years now, and I want to say I have never lived aft ass to fist unless I damn well wanted to. I choose. When I say how, I say how much.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

By the way, I actually almost blew the line. I said after. After the same thing she did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think we got to say fist to ass, maybe fist.

Ass maybe flows.

[Larry Miller]

But when you said it first, I was outside and I heard ass to fist. Sounded better to me. Just to my ear.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, ass to fist.

[Larry Miller]

But apparently when I tried to say it, I couldn't. And I went over. That was one of those where you go all the way around the block to set it up that, you know, I think I come in here like a reasonable man.

[Adam Carolla]

I never get angry.

[Larry Miller]

And I was really happy with that. I thought, here I come, right around the corner, right down the home stretch. And then.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it is true in our profession, like in the sitcoms, the longer you. You stay working on that display of soup cans at the store with the pyramid and all that kind of stuff, the sooner some kids gonna pull one out from the bottom. And the whole thing that. I saw that joke in every single sitcom made from 1966 to 1979. Like, if there would always be some Mr. Whipple guy with the feather duster in the back of his shorts and he had the bifocals that were down, and he was very particular. And he'd tell the one kid, get away. I've been working all afternoon on this. And then, of course, here would come Jethro from the Clampids, and he'd come out and pull the apple out and the whole thing. Thing, how did they used to write jokes? They just watch other sitcoms and go, that's a good one.

[Larry Miller]

That's how they do it today.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it how they do it today?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah. I mean, how many knockoffs of all the shows? By the way, you'll see when kids get older that the natural thing for any kid to do in the supermarket is to take out the bottom apple. It's the most natural thing in the world because that's where the kid's eyes are, right? The kid doesn't understand the law of physics saying that. No. Now all the apple will come down and daddy either has to pick them up or run very fast with you down to aisle four.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if they even do the pyramid thing anymore. I think they probably learned their lesson from watching enough sitcoms themselves.

[Pamela Adlon]

You know what they do to prevent that? They put cardboard like, like flaps of cardboard underneath each level so that if one does get taken out, it won't cause the entire thing to come down.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Pamela Adlon]

By the way, two years ago, she's.

[Larry Miller]

Another little known fact, the reason they stopped building actual pyramids, that there were only three really old ones, is they kept doing the same things. Come by, take the bottom stone and then they fall down.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. Think about that.

And it was probably kind of a hate crime because weren't the Jews having to build the pyramids?

[Larry Miller]

That's right, by the way. And they said, yeah, what do you think of that? And then tremendous anger, you know, and people would say, oh, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Larry Miller]

That was 3,700 years, just about that one. Oh, look at all falls down. And you can't say to the royal kid, hey, you know what, someone ought to smack you one.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're getting a Viking funeral. By the way, we can't entomb you in this pyramid because somebody, some snot nose kid pulled the bottom block out.

[Larry Miller]

By the way, I always loved when, and not just in all the old movies, but you know, when the pharaoh died, he would take not only his trusted advisors and his favorite priest into the pyramid, the tomb with him, but not just the slaves, I mean, but the best friends. And they weren't dead yet, right? And that's the thing that, you know, on the call, you and go, Jim, I have some great news for you. As you know, we've been friends a long time. You're my closest friends. I'd like, I'd like to have you entombed with me for all eternity so we can make the journey together, right? You know that you never hear the guys saying, okay, now okay, so this journey, first of all, are you, like, really sure about this journey, right? And we've got the boat and all.

[Adam Carolla]

The money just gonna be rotting in the soil. I don't. I don't.

So they take their living friends in there.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to eat any hemlock just to join you. And, I mean, would they kill themselves as well, or were they just being tuned in there?

[Larry Miller]

They didn't have a pen. And by the way, that thing. As soon as you said, well, he's a doctor and he knew how to. Which artery to hit, I was listening. I thought, okay, so he knew the carotid artery. He knew the one in the femur or something like that. But then as soon as you said, you finished off with saying, and then he put the plastic bag over the head. I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I can't do that.

[Troy Duffy]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, let me ask this about the.

[Larry Miller]

That's like the killing.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they have a suicide kit in each prison? Like, what's he got the plastic bag for? Like, pen. I understand. What's the bag?

Yeah. How do you get a hold of that?

Well, this is why I would. I. As an atheist, I'd be horrible because, like, all those guys that died and, you know, ran the dynasties and, you know, governed over Egypt and whatnot, you know, the. They'd bury him with their terracotta army. And if somebody said, this guy just kicked the bucket, now we're gonna have to spend a shitload of time and a shitload of money building a whole army out of terracotta clay to protect him while he's dead. I'd pause and go, on the other hand, we could go bowling, buy a few pitchers. Is he really gonna know? What if we did? What if we just made him one large, heavyset terracotta black guy that looked like Suge Knight and put him in a mock turtleneck and had him stand by a velvet rope, wouldn't that do it? By the way, does he need a full army? And who they fighting? Other people made of roofing tiles.

[Larry Miller]

So, by the way, just on the off chance, though, that that whole ship across the river is true, that the whole afterlife is true, then you don't want to be the guy who said, let's get bold. Because then. Then you have to meet the Pharaoh again and say, first of all, let me just say, right, I am so sorry. I don't know how far that'll.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll go.

[Larry Miller]

But just for starters, right? We imagine we have a long time here, eternity Right. So let me just begin by saying I'm wrong. I don't. I'm right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not big enough to admit right.

[Larry Miller]

I've been wrong and I'm very sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And as far as the fucking your wife thing went, I had, I. I had, I had some wine. She was grieving, I was grieving. Our own wine.

[Larry Miller]

And I guess you knew all about that. You didn't. You didn't know about that? Well, then, then I suppose you enjoyed the joke I just made. I thought you'd hear about everything up here.

[Adam Carolla]

Turning into a Bob Newhart routine from the 60s. The Dead Pharaoh. Let's see, should I do the Submarine commander tonight or the Dead Pharaoh?

[Larry Miller]

Submarine commander. One great line from that, and it's the speech to the sailors, and he's saying. All right, now, fellas, first of all, I don't need to know who took the door to my cabin, but I'd like it back.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Should we do a little hypothetical question with Larry Miller?

[Larry Miller]

Absolutely. I feel renewed. I feel.

[Adam Carolla]

Hypothetical road trip game.

[Troy Duffy]

The game where there are no wrong answers.

[Adam Carolla]

We're driving to Florida. All right, you ready?

[Larry Miller]

Yes, I am.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Larry Miller]

I love comedy. Comedy's great.

[Adam Carolla]

What's not to like?

[Pamela Adlon]

What are you doing here?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, this one's gonna be easy.

[Larry Miller]

Well, they're all easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, there's no losers here. A Jenny McCarthy or Deepak Chopra.

[Larry Miller]

Well, that is easy. I would always drive someplace with Jenny McCarthy because I always, when she first hit the scene, I always had a crush on her. I think, like every other American man from roughly 12 to 107. And I thought, wow, I'd like to sit with her, just look at the outline and just glance over every so often and say, oh, look, a traffic sign. And then steal a look at her and Deepak Chopra. I'm sorry. I love all people all over the world. Well, actually, no, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Why lie, right?

[Larry Miller]

But a name like that, I can't. I'm sorry. I want to say what, what happened? That was my opinion. I'd rather always drive with her.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, take a little time to be quiet. You should take a little time to be quiet. Deepak says a couple things. Jenny McCarthy's. You know, all she's gonna want to talk about is her kid and now how she has him on a gluten free diet and she saw him, you know, and how autism's a spectrum disorder and you're gonna slip up at some point. She's gonna be driving, you're gonna Be sitting there nursing a 12 pack between your legs, and you're gonna go, listen, I understand. I had a third cousin who was, you know, he was a retardant. We always. And she's gonna stop and she's gonna say, what? And you're gonna say no. And then there's gonna be. Be a thing where she. Tears are coming down. And you're gonna go. That's what we used to call him that. To his fate. No, we just spoke differently back in the day. I didn't mean any. It's gonna be very difficult. Where's. You know, Deepak, you could. First off, you could climb out of that car in Florida with a full head of hair. I mean, this guy could really change your life around. Yeah, that's. That's a.

[Larry Miller]

That's a. Fair.

[Adam Carolla]

May I say. Now I. I understand your reasoning completely, but I have to say that I've just had a personal experience with Jenny McCarthy.

You did?

[Pamela Adlon]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So I decided that. To blurb a mommy book that she was like the white whale. Like, if I could get her to blurb my book, it would be amazing. So I wrote her a letter. I've never met her. And she. Her people said, send the book. And she liked it and she agreed to blurb it.

Good for you to be quiet.

I've never met her in my life.

Wow.

Isn't it that so nice? I mean, she was just like helping a sister out.

Wow.

Now I love her.

[Larry Miller]

Nice. And by the way, I'm sorry. Look at those two. The pictures. There's those two human beings.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

A Martian could land on this.

[Larry Miller]

A Martian could land.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Besides, you've got to pick her. Well, I'm saying. But also the title of the book was. Your book is doesn't stink. I mean, to be honest, the funny.

Thing is she has humor book about pregnancy. I mean, it's in direct competition with my book. And yet she was still so cool about it.

But it's. That was three years and three million copies ago.

[Pamela Adlon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she sold a lot. I don't think she has to be concerned about the likes of me.

[Larry Miller]

But still, that is awfully nice. And by the way, by having a 12 pack between my legs, do you mean beer or is that a euphemism? Because.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Are you ready to move on?

[Larry Miller]

I'm ready. I'm always ready.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep moving.

[Pamela Adlon]

I.

[Larry Miller]

Come here.

[Adam Carolla]

Ready? Yeah. Yeah. Now. I don't know.

I thought you were right just to be, you know, on your side.

I Don't know what a Kangen water chick is. Do you guys know what that is?

[Larry Miller]

A Kangen water chick.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what Michael somebody K A N.

[Larry Miller]

G A N. Yeah, a Kangen.

[Pamela Adlon]

It's like, it's this water that if it's.

[Adam Carolla]

If it's the right polarization, your life will be a lot better. It's. It's one of those water filter scams. A water filter are scam. And the chick who talks about that.

You mean like in what the bleep? That movie.

What the bleep? All right.

[Larry Miller]

Oh, okay. I thought it was like an animal from Western Australia. The fabulous Kangan water chick. That's what I thought. Don't get too close because if you just touch the beak, it sends a neurotoxin through your body and you're dead into.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Like maybe Kabbalah water.

All right, so this is the Muslim guy who's celebrating Ramada. That's an entire seven days you're on the road with this guy. It's. It's Ramadan 24 7.

[Larry Miller]

Okay, so either the Kangen water chick or him. This. I'm sorry, right or wrong. I'm always going with her. And I'll just say for reasons I don't want to say because I don't want to get stabbed like the oven go. I'm glad I'm wrong. I'm happy to be wrong. In fact, just forget I even said that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. So you're not going with the guy celebrating the Ramadan. You're going with the water chicks.

[Troy Duffy]

Yes.

[Larry Miller]

I'll pick the girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I'm sorry. That's. That's incorrect. Yeah, because I. I'll tell you. I'll tell you this much. She is going to. Well, first off, she's gonna ruin every piece of fast food that crosses your lips all the way to Florida. There's no. Don't think you're gonna enjoy a Pepsi Free. Not on her. Watch everything that enters your mouth. Mouth, passes your lips. She's going to scrutinize that. That's number one. Number two, whatever it is you say like, well, I've been driving for 14 hours. My neck's a little stiff. A little stiff. That's because you're not equalized. You have to equalize the negative ions and the positive ions. You feel like your ass hurts. Or you're going to get out of the car at a truck stop after 12 hours driving straight. You're going to do that move where you kind of straighten your leg and you go, just go. There you go. If you're on my regime, you would not, you would not have to.

[Larry Miller]

You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

You're on my regiment. You would not be dealing with this.

[Larry Miller]

Well, let me just say that that does sound pretty annoying. And I will go this far as to say it's a toss up. That's as far as I could. And I'm glad to be wrong. That's the first one. Glad to be wrong. Let's, let's just pretend that would never happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, for two. Okay, here we go. Third and final one. All right, wait, hold on this second. All right.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, this is 40 year old lady Gaga fan. Naughty slightly older lady Gaga fan versus 14 year old female Justin Bieber fan.

[Larry Miller]

Okay, first of all, is the 40 year old lady Gaga fan a man or a woman?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a woman.

[Larry Miller]

All right. I, I would still go with the 40 year old woman just because every traffic stop, every hot shop we went to, every place we had to fill up, every place we had to get a meal, I would be so horrified to be seen leaving the car with a 14 year old girl. I would just lose my mind because I think everyone would think I was some kind of guy who was just trying to either pick, I had just picked her up hitchhiking or was always child molester or something. So I don't care what the 40 year old woman is talking about. That point my head would explode like a mamelon every time I had to stop. Stop and get out of the car with a 14 year old girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Smart. Understood. Sorry, it's incorrect. Come on, get out of the car.

[Larry Miller]

With a 14 year old.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to get out of the car. Car with a 40 year old woman who's wearing essentially a lobster on top of her head because she's idolizes Lady Gaga. Yeah, use your head, Larry. This one was an easy one. I'm sorry, normally I'm sympathetic. I know normally there's a lot of affection. Yeah, no, I mean there's a lot of affection badly for what happened. We're like a cop who has to arrest someone but he feels bad because he has a son.

[Larry Miller]

But this one is justified.

[Adam Carolla]

This is, this is homicide. Sorry, that's all we have time for, Larry. Millerhumor.com is where you go to find out where Larry's playing all over the country, out on, out on the road doing the dates. Larry.

[Larry Miller]

Also, I'll tell you next time, we don't have time for this time, but a guy was arrested on the plane. I Came in yesterday. I blogged this morning.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, really?

[Larry Miller]

When they came in and those kind of cops come on the plane afterwards and everyone in the seats. The first time I've heard that announcement of folks, please stay in your seats after the bell goes off, really, people start to get things down and everyone looked around and stayed in the seat. And when you see four or five of those guys come on and as you know from the look in the eyes when they come on, they are not kidding around.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

Do you know what the guy did?

[Larry Miller]

I do. I don't want to take him to my spot. He was, he was. They kept going into the bathroom for 20 minute periods at a time and they thought he was doing drugs or something, but he was just, he was just kind of a jerk. He kept elbowing people. They had to move him times. It was a sold out flight. It was all southwest. So it's all coach and it wasn't Southwest there.

[Adam Carolla]

It was Virgin America. Sorry, you're wrong again, Larry.

Is there anything you do that isn't wrong?

So they put this, they radioed ahead.

[Larry Miller]

They, they did. And by the way, there was a very cool doctor from Pittsburgh named Jerry. No kidding. I met the guy afterwards at the Luggage Rack and he always brings his office out to LA once a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Luggage rack is a gay bar for.

Smart cocktail after the flight.

[Larry Miller]

And he was flying out with quite a 12 pack between his legs, if I may say. But this guy had said to the guy, they sat him next to him and asked, would you mind if we move someone from your office up to next to the older man he was elbowing and put him next to you. And this guy. Yeah, this guy was really, really. And he was cursing and yelling and you know, being not just rude of saying, you know, get me this, get me that, do your job.

[Adam Carolla]

And Right.

[Larry Miller]

So this doctor said to him, you know what, whatever you're thinking, whatever you're on now or doing something, look at me now. And they're really close. And he just said, I promise you sleeping in your bed tonight, wherever that is, is going to be a lot better than wherever you're going to go with these guys. Guys, you should get up now and apologize to them. And you better make it good and you better apologize to ask if you can meet the old guy again and apologize to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Larry Miller]

And it better be good, right? And he just didn't hear. And he was one of those guys who looks at video games with an absolute laser focus on them and screams when he does better, like, oh, like that that, by the way, that could be on one of the hypotheticals next week. Loses at a video game goes, oh, right. But they came on. He didn't, he didn't take the advice. He came on. He just kept yelling and doing and saying this and that and getting up and going and, and that's when we landed. And they came on.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

But I like that they offered him a choice.

Well, he, at least the doctor, the.

[Larry Miller]

Doctor tried to say. And by the way, he wasn't trying to be nice to me. He wasn't saying, let me see if I can help this soul. He was giving him like a dad. Thing of. Now, look, buddy, I don't know you and you don't know me, but first of all, if you touch me, you're going to be unhappy. Second of all, if you have any brains at all, you're going to get up now and you're going to make it good and you're going to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Over sleep in your own bed. I do feel like I've spent the better part of my twenties in North Hollywood. Saying to my jack off buddies at a party like, look, you're driving drunk, you're drunker than I've ever seen you before. You know I'm sober. That guy's a fifth degree black belt in taekwondo. You've been with his girlfriend the entire night. Yeah, we're just. You and I are just gonna. The car. I had Brett bring the car around. All we need to do. We don't know anyone here. A lot of them are wearing geese. Let's just walk for the front door. Believe me, you're up. You're gonna wake up with either black guy or in jail or a black guy in jail. Either way. Trust me when I tell you that you're loaded. Trust me when I'm telling you you're lucky the guy hasn't beat the shit out of you so far. Trust me when I tell you it's been all your fault. And let's just start. And in the middle we'll start walking for the door. There'll be no. And then over your shoulder he screams, pussy. Your girlfriend's pussy. Stay. And you're like, wow, wow. Is there no. I know you're drunk, but don't you know you're drunk?

[Larry Miller]

The answer is always no.

[Adam Carolla]

But you were the one who was tilting the fucking. And even that's crow all fucking night long. Why don't you know you're drunk?

[Larry Miller]

I call that the Coleman chest adjustment because I got one of those when I was 19. I acted not that badly, but I was with some friends and I was. I was pretty wrong and I was pretty bad. And they said. They gave me the finger in the face, said, look, straighten up and do this. And I didn't. We were at a. It was at a football game, and one of my friends reached over and picked up a Coleman chest, one of the red and white ones, the heavyweight metal, and. And just brought it down on my head, cracked the chest. I'm not proud of this, but I'm saying. Knocked me out cold. They carried me, you know, to the car and just threw me in the back seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Larry Miller]

And you know what? That was it. And I woke up, first of all, could kill you, but I was fine. And when I woke up, they said, you remember anything of that? And I said, well, no. Did you slug me or something? And they said, yeah. And they said, why, did I do anything? They said, no, we got you out of there before it was bad. But that's what I always called for the rest of my life, the Coleman chest adjustment. And sometimes people need it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree. All right. The great Larry Miller and LarryMillerHumor.com and is where you go to find better luck next time you play the hypothetical road trip game.

[Podcast Host / Narrator]

All right, that's Adam Coral show 383. That does it for this weekend's Corolla Classics. Make sure to tune in next weekend for three all new installments. Until then, hollow and get it on.

[Troy Duffy]

Sam.