Live from Belly Up, Solana Beach with Jonathan Kite

Summary

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The Adam Carolla Show: Live from Belly Up, Solana Beach with Jonathan Kite

Date: April 29, 2026
Guests: Jonathan Kite, Alicia Krause
Location: Belly Up Tavern, Solana Beach, CA

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show is a lively comedy and culture discussion recorded live at the Belly Up in Solana Beach. Adam is joined by comedic actor and impressionist Jonathan Kite for irreverent banter about music festivals, generational changes, protest culture, celebrity neighbors, and parenting. The second half, with Alicia Krause, tackles media bias, viral joke theft, politics, and daily news stories—always filtered through Adam’s signature no-holds-barred humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Coachella, Festivals, and Cultural FOMO

(03:27–08:07)

• Adam opens by ribbing Jonathan about his recent trip to Coachella, riffing on festival culture shifting from music to Instagram clout.
• Jonathan describes “festival of FOMO”—where “you’re showing everyone at home that you’re there and they’re not” (03:57).
• Compares rich and regular attendees: “Super rich people, and then everybody else looks like they’re living in the mud” (07:03).

Notable Moment:

• Adam on generational differences: “I can’t tell my kids tales of woe about dad having to eat off a food truck back in the day because they go, ‘Was it the Kobe beef taco truck or the lobster truck? Fuck you. It was a botulism egg salad sandwich.’” (07:41–07:59)

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2. Protest Culture and Absurdity

(08:07–11:13)

• Discussion of viral news: protestors in Portland throwing dildos at ICE officers. Adam contrasts this with “decorum” of 1960s protests, now replaced by “beating an ICE officer with a double-ended dildo” (08:54).
• Satirical escalation: Adam (jokingly) suggests “we need a little Ohio situation… Just couple of live rounds just to get them running” (09:39–09:58)—sparked laughs and mock shock from the audience.

Notable Quote:

• Jonathan: “It looks like a video game... Frogger’s gotten way better since Atari.” (09:24–09:26)

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3. Celebrity Impressions & Hollywood Stories

(11:17–17:43, 24:04–25:48; 32:09–37:19)

• Jonathan does spot-on Vince Vaughn and Liam Neeson impressions, including a hilarious meta anecdote about impersonating Vince Vaughn for Vaughn himself during a table read with Jamie Foxx.
• Adam shares a story about scaring Vince Vaughn with his confessions of being a “bad neighbor”—declaring he’d let his cranky neighbor’s house burn (“I’d fiddle like Nero,” 20:48).
• Discussion on famous-neighbor cliches, and how every Hollywood house claims Chaplin or Lugosi lived in it.
• Adam and Jonathan joke about establishing fake disabilities at new jobs (“bad back” and a “special needs child”) to get out of work—wry commentary on workplace culture.

Notable Quotes:

• Jonathan (as Vince Vaughn): “I want you to take the red pill and the blue pill... they’re both acid, they’re both gonna kind of fuck you up... Right now you don’t even realize this, I’m not even Vince Vaughn. I’m a frog.” (12:14–12:43)
• Adam: “There is a bell curve [for nudity]. At a certain age, people ask you to put your tits away.” (05:21)

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4. Family Dynamics and Legacy Pressure

(26:18–29:32)

• Discussion about being the child of successful parents or celebrities—how “the bar gets set so high” (26:18).
• Funny riffs on “Robbie Knievel isn’t beating Evil Knievel” and band members with lackluster stage names like “Larry” from U2.
• Extended bit about Tom Hanks’ son Chet and his unapologetic “Jamaican accent” persona.

Notable Moment:

• Jonathan: “I wonder if Tom Hanks ever gets drunk and thinks about having him [Chet] killed... He could, he has better than drifter money.” (29:20–29:35)

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5. News: Viral Joke Theft and the “NICE Agent” Bit

(42:12–47:56)

• Alicia brings up Adam’s long-running “NICE Agent” joke (National Immigration Customs Enforcement)—recently stolen by online MAGA influencers and even acknowledged by Trump, with zero credit to Adam.
• Adam traces the joke’s origin live on stage years prior, sharing the comedy world’s challenges with “self-attribution” and joke theft.

Notable Quote:

• Adam: “You’re not allowed to take stuff you like and say ‘I thought of it.’” (46:20–46:24)

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6. Trump, Media, and Manifestos

(48:29–54:41)

• Plays a clip of Trump reacting to a journalist reading an alleged assassin’s manifesto, with Trump lambasting the reporter as “a disgrace” and rejecting the premise (49:25).
• Adam and Alicia critique modern political journalism, editorial bias, and the loss of objective reporting.
• Adam rails against the “Russia hoax” and selective editing of Trump’s statements (good people on both sides/J6).

Memorable Quotes:

• Trump (clip): “You shouldn’t be reading that in 60 Minutes, you’re a disgrace.” (50:15)
• Adam: “They’re essentially partisan liars at this point...” (52:50)

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7. Government, Politicians, & Motivation

(63:59–68:25)

• Riffing on UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer and President Biden, Adam opines: “You get paid whether you do this or don’t do this. You’re really kind of there not to get fired, but not really to excel or get a raise” (64:05).
• Satirizes the incentive problem in politics vs. the urgency of a business-builder like Trump: “He’s a builder and builders are in a hurry.”

Notable Quote:

• Adam: “A lot of these guys... are kind of running out the clock.” (65:33)

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8. Food, Class, and Grocery Store Politics

(89:24–96:38)

• Adam mocks a progressive policy video where a politician proposes city-subsidized groceries, joking about the unrealistic, produce-heavy shopping cart: “Nobody’s buying tons of beets, tons of celery. Oh, we’re making gazpacho tonight, people.” (91:21)
• Turns it into a “ballet of absurdity” on how politicians misunderstand real low-income food choices.
• Adam segues to favorite LA food spots, recounting run-ins with combative customer service, particularly at Armenian restaurants.

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9. Oldies Music Challenge & Comedy Bits

(77:28–84:44)

• Extended bit where Adam challenges Alicia to recognize old pop songs by The Buckinghams—proving his “superpower” is knowing what songs people know.
• Alicia recalls “grandpa’s minivan and Cool FM out of Paris, Texas.”
• Hilarity around American bands with British sounding names post-Beatles.

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10. Miscellaneous: Parenting, Upbringing, and More

• Multiple digressions on generational differences in parenting, snacks, and “helicopter parents” versus childhood neglect.
• Bits on Zankou Chicken, seed oils, and the quirks of LA’s ethnic cuisine landscape.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Adam (on modern protests): “Now it’s some fat dyke beating an ICE officer with a double-ended dildo.” (08:54)
• Jonathan (improv Vince Vaughn impression): “My man, what if I’m on fire? What are you gonna do about that? Daddy burns slow like a pig at Christmas dinner.” (24:06)
• Adam (parenting, bad neighbor story): “If that old fucker’s house ever caught on fire, I’d not call the fire department. I’d watch it burn. I’d fiddle like Nero.” (20:48)
• Adam (on celebrity offspring): “If your dad is, I don’t know, Billy Joel or something... you can’t go into the same field.” (27:05)
• Adam (on Meghan Markle): “She tries to be a victim, I think, and she lives in the lap of luxury... It always falls apart. They give a million dollars to do a podcast... and then they figure out these dingbats don’t have anything to say.” (73:03–74:00)
• Jonathan (on impressions): “When you were on Man Show, you sounded very different than you do now.” (35:59)
• Adam (politicians): “What if I just got paid—whether you get on an airplane or not, or whether you actually are funny or not—you just get paid. That would change the dynamic.” (67:25)
• Adam (fake workplace excuses): “I put it out there, you meet someone—sorry, I back. You know, whatever. Everyone will leave you alone. You’ll never have to help anyone move.” (15:11)

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Segment Timestamps

• [03:27] – Coachella and festival FOMO; generational tales of hardship
• [08:07] – Absurdity of protest culture, dildo-throwing at ICE
• [11:17] – Celebrity impressions: Vince Vaughn, stories from Hollywood
• [20:48] – Adam’s “bad neighbor” fire story
• [26:18] – Discussion on children of celebrities, Chet Hanks riffs
• [42:12] – Adam’s “NICE Agent” bit, joke theft & attribution
• [48:29] – Trump’s reaction to manifesto; media bias and journalism rants
• [63:59] – UK, Biden, politicians “running out the clock”
• [89:24] – Grocery store politics, class, and LA food culture
• [77:28–84:44] – Oldies music quiz: The Buckinghams
• [97:02] – Armenian restaurant customer service tales
• [102:39] – Upcoming live dates and show wrap-up

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Tone & Language

• The episode features Adam’s classic mix of sarcasm, blunt realism, and crass humor.
• Jonathan brings sharp impression work, quick banter, and improvisational bits.
• Alicia anchors the news with poised, direct commentary, but is game for Adam’s tangents.

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In Summary

This episode is a classic "live on the road" Adam Carolla show—a blend of sharp-edged stand-up improvisation, biting cultural satire, and the kind of memorable, off-the-cuff storytelling that defines Carolla’s style. Whether poking fun at protest culture, satirizing modern journalism, or skewering celebrity or political hypocrisy, Adam and his guests keep the live audience—and podcast listeners—entertained throughout.

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For more info and next tour dates:

• Jonathan Kite: jonathankitecomedy.com
• Adam Carolla: adamcarolla.com
• Alicia Krause: Daily Wire and social platforms

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Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Live from the belly up somewhere around San Diego. I'm up on stage with Jonathan Kight. And then it's Alicia Krause in the news. Hey. This is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Prediction markets talk outcomes. BetOnline puts odds behind them. For decades, bettors have trusted BetOnline for accurate lines, deep prop markets and real money action across every major sport. Get the latest odds, live props in game betting and expert pricing throughout the playoffs and beyond. And when you're ready for a different kind of thrill, BetOnline Casino delivers non stop action and premium rewards. Don't guess with the crowd, bet with the book. That's been doing it right for years. Bet online. The game starts here.

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[Alicia Krause]

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[Alicia Krause]

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Live from the belly up tavern in solana beach, california, this is the adam carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam's guest today, jonathan kite. And now adam coroll. Thanks you guys for coming out, hanging out, always fun. All right, I'm gonna bring our guest out right at the top. Cause I got a lot to talk to him about. You know him from a bunch of TV shows and stand up appearances. Jonathan Kite. Jonathan who? And if he doesn't come out, I can talk about things.

[Jonathan Kite]

All right, I'll be right.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's something I'm noticing. Thanks for joining me tonight, dude.

[Jonathan Kite]

I'm happy to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, there's a few things for you. One is recent trip to Coachella.

[Jonathan Kite]

Coachella?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Has anybody here been to Coachella?

[Adam Carolla]

You have? Oh, yeah, sure. The one with the boobs and the tattoos.

[Jonathan Kite]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. She's been. That's right.

[Jonathan Kite]

I could have picked you out. I'm a Coachella whisperer. I'm like, let me see who's been there.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we go. No, I mean, it seems like everybody. Nobody goes there to be seen.

[Jonathan Kite]

When I'm there, my. My girls is out. You know what I'm saying?

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Well, it's become like an influencer thing. It becomes. It's like a festival of FOMO where you're showing everybody at home that you're there and they're not.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Which, you know, I went to go film something, but it was. We. We got to film a lot of, like, oddities.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jonathan Kite]

But the music does play. But there's so much time during the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jonathan Kite]

When the light is just perfect. So that's what people do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. So I don't know. All I know is Justin Bieber performs in his underpants now. Like, I don't know how this works.

[Jonathan Kite]

I think we should start doing that.

[Adam Carolla]

Performing in our underpants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Just cocks out. That did not get as big of applause as I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's kind of weird because there is a stage in life like I did. I think it was the Pam Anderson roast a million years ago on Comedy Central and Courtney Love was shit faced and on stage and she had sort of jumped the shark at that point, and she was showing wingers to everybody. But there is a point where people ask you to put your tits away. You know what I mean? Like, she's like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna lift my blouse. And the audience is like, please do not. I just ate.

[Jonathan Kite]

There's a bell curve to that.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a bell curve and certain age,

[Jonathan Kite]

you're like, is this three year old. Put those three year old tits away.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jonathan Kite]

And then you go up and then after a while you're like, please put your tits away.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so I don't know if. If Bieber is in, put the nuts away. He might be dead. Yeah, but did you see any celebrities there?

[Jonathan Kite]

I didn't. I was sort of doing my own thing, but they're there. I saw them on social media. Because you're sort of. It's so big. Like, I mean, the grounds are so large and people really go incognito. So everybody looks like they're robbing a bank in the Old West.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jonathan Kite]

Like, I got cowboy hats on and, and, and they've got a duster on. And so you really can't tell unless people are sort of like posing without it. You don't know who's around you at all times.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it take a million years to get in to the place and park and all that stuff?

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah, it's. You gotta. So they have these shuttles that. I feel like we're doing a timeshare presentation. Guys, it's easier than you think. And we'll get you back. We'll get you back to the golf course. And the buffet is always going to be there, sweetheart. But now you're here for the next 45 minutes. Let's roll the clip. No, but the. See me after. I will be selling wristbands. And so there's a shuttle, but everything, like, you're moved around like cattle. And so everything is sort of off site. And there's like, you can tend. You can like, you know, nobody in here but you would like camp. And then they, like, the storm just took them away. Like Dorothy Gale in the wizard of Oz, really. So it's like. And then you wait in line for these. These public restrooms that are outside. Like real Lord of the Flies energy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

So it's. It's like super rich people. And then like, everybody else looks like they're living in the mud.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See, it's weird that food trucks and porta Potties are now part of popular culture and places where rich people go, because when I did construction, we ate off a food truck, but that was for losers.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the porta potty was on the job site too, which, by the way, always said Mexican space shuttle on the outside of it, which I always found humorous.

[Jonathan Kite]

I just hope they don't combine the food trucks and porta Potties.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying. My problem is, is I can't tell my kids tales of woe about dad having to eat off a food truck back in the day because they go, was it the Kobe beef taco truck or the lobster truck? Fuck you. It was a botulism egg salad sandwich and a fat Mexican chick who was pissed off.

[Jonathan Kite]

Everything came with a side of tapeworm.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're like, yeah, fine, fine. You want horchata or horchata?

[Jonathan Kite]

I think this is just Flint, Michigan water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Flown in from Flint. So another. Another disturbing trend that I've been. I was noticing, which is I saw some news footage outside of the ice facilities in Portland. They're handing out dildos to throw at the ice officers. And have you guys seen this?

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

This.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you know, we used to have a little something called decorum. Like, if you really think about, like, let's just think about what protesting was back in the day. Like Vietnam protest was some hot chick who looked like the blonde from the Mamas and the Papas putting a daisy in the barrel of a marine who was holding a gun. Right? That's what it was. Now it's some fat dyke beating an ice officer with a double ended dildo.

[Jonathan Kite]

That feels. I want to see that fight. I'm not gonna lie to you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like a guy that should be

[Jonathan Kite]

a pay per view, you know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, there's a guy in an inflatable frog outfit beating off next door.

[Jonathan Kite]

He's got to have padding, you know what I'm saying? Like for those rubber bullets.

[Adam Carolla]

We just kind of lost it. It's all.

[Jonathan Kite]

It looks like a video game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

An ice officer fighting a giant frog. You're like, wow, Frogger's gotten way better since Atari.

[Adam Carolla]

I, you know, it's not a popular opinion, but I do, I do think we need a little Ohio situation. Like we got to get a couple live rounds in there and just drop a few. Just, just. I'm not, not all of them, but, you know, what was it? Four dead in Ohio. Let's go for five. See if we can get five. Ten in Portland. Just couple of live rounds just to get them running.

[Jonathan Kite]

Just.

[Adam Carolla]

Just to kind of reset the temperature. Well, here's the whole thing. Here's the, here's the deal. Okay? What if you had a stepdad and you used to be scared of him, you know, because he'd get his belt out and give you a whooping, Right? But then at some point you found out that he could no longer use his belt to beat you. He could only use a non lethal belt, like a throw pillow. Like he could beat you with a throw pillow. How long would it take for you to go, fuck you, old man, you're not the boss of me. These guys get in everyone's face because they're not. There's no consequences. Somebody's. Someone needs to get shot. That's all I'm saying. Let's make America great again. Shoot a protester.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Clean up.

[Jonathan Kite]

That's your campaign slogan?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. And then Neil Young could write a song, or Bruce Springsteen.

[Jonathan Kite]

You wouldn't hear it because it wouldn't

[Adam Carolla]

be on Spotify, but Bruce's concerts are like Bruce, like, he. His concerts are three hours long. I know, but 90 minutes of it is him lecturing everybody about tearing.

[Jonathan Kite]

It's more a TED Talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes, more TED Talk at this point. All right, so you're working on a movie?

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how much you can talk. I. I heard you're writing one with Jamie Foxx. Oh, I am. Oh, wow. Is that that inside Baseball.

[Jonathan Kite]

Baseball, yeah. We're guiding. We got. We got one coming. The one that I'm doing, actually, that I'm going to Austin to film next week is about a festival. And so weirdly enough, like, I wasn't going. I was. I wasn't being method, but I had booked this for next week. And they are doing a festival in Austin. They've created the production, a full music festival. And so we're filming. It's like an early 2000s comedy. It's right up your alley.

[Adam Carolla]

And are the bands going to be like bands we've heard of?

[Jonathan Kite]

Yes, they're all. Everything is real. And so they've invited people to this festival outside of Austin and. And the production team is, like, sort of taking it over. So the whole thing is a living set. It's pretty amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Is Vince Vaughn in this movie?

[Jonathan Kite]

He might be.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

Hey, my man. I just want to say something right now. I want you to take the red

[Adam Carolla]

pill and the blue pill.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

This isn't like a Democrat, Republican thing.

[Jonathan Kite]

I'm saying they're both acid.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

They're both acid. They're both gonna kind of fuck you up. And right now you don't even realize this. I'm not even Vince Vaughn. I'm a frog that you've been talking to that's dead on the side of the road for about the past 25 minutes because you're fucking racked out of your head with crack. You already are there. You're already there, and I'm there with you. I'm there with you right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I figure the crowd would enjoy a little.

[Jonathan Kite]

I forget, because I don't. Like I do in my hour, you know, like, I'll do some impressions, but then I haven't done him in a while. And you forget. You're like, oh, yeah, he's the. I love Vince Vaughn. He. Did I ever tell you I did the impression for him one time, Jamie and Fox and I. He invited me to a table read that I was a part of, and he was. Vince was the lead with Jamie. They were reading this movie. It never came out. And. And Vince had been told that someone in the Room did an impression of him, but he didn't know who it was. And so we'd, like, gone through the whole table read. And Peter Billingsley, you guys know him from the Christmas Story. You know, it's Vince's best friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Blonde kid. Yeah, yeah, Ralphie.

[Jonathan Kite]

And so Vince goes to the bathroom at the end, and Ralph or Ralphie. And Peter comes up. He goes, yo, do Vaughn. Do Vaughn. And it was like I said Beetlejuice three times. Cause Vince Vaughn just fucking appeared out of nowhere.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, do me. How do I sound? Like, do my energy, like, talk to, like, me.

[Jonathan Kite]

And I did it for him. And his face went as white as a ghost. And I was. I had to be like, no, no, no. I do other people. You know, so he didn't think I was, like, vocally stalking him. I'm like, name a white guy, I'll do it.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

You know,

[Adam Carolla]

Vince used to be my neighbor.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And he literally. Now a lot of people do the. You know, that guy was my neighbor. But, you know, it's funny. Like, in Hollywood, there's a lot of, like, you know, Bela Lugosi or Charlie Chaplin used to live in this house. You know what I mean?

[Jonathan Kite]

I just look for an apartment. I got told three different times, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Charlie Chaplin couldn't have lived in 1300 houses in this in LA.

[Jonathan Kite]

But of course.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's how it works. That's weird. Everyone's trying to get in there, and then when it comes to, like, Epstein's island, everyone's going the other direction. Never met the guy.

[Jonathan Kite]

Chaplin was not there.

[Adam Carolla]

So Vaughn was my direct neighbor. He lived right next to me. I used to hear him coach his kids playing soccer. Like, brought a coach in, had his kids running around. By the way, the interest that parents now take in their children is insane. Insane. My fucking parents were like, go outside. Fucking do whatever you want.

[Jonathan Kite]

Same. I'm still on milk. Carl, Ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Should I be back for dinner? What?

[Jonathan Kite]

Dinner?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. I'll go to Ray's house and eat. Yeah, do that. My mom, you know, it's. You know, it's funny. It's actually, my mom did the version. I'll get back to Vince Vaughn. But, you know, as a guy, you should establish early and often. I got a few things to establish. One, you just establish you got a bad back. You just put it out there. You meet someone. Sorry, I back. You know, whatever. Everyone will leave you alone. You'll never have to help anyone move. They'll never be. Could you come to Ikea with me. I wish I could, man.

[Jonathan Kite]

I wish.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish.

[Jonathan Kite]

I wish this morning if you had asked me yesterday, but this morning I.

[Adam Carolla]

My mom was smart. My mom never had any snacks in the house. And one time my friends came over and she made a big party pot of vegan lentil stew, and one of my friends almost choked on a bay leaf. And from that day on, she didn't have to cook for any of the neighborhood people ever. She just was off the list. I was all at their houses, eating all. All their food.

[Jonathan Kite]

Same.

[Adam Carolla]

The other thing that I always tell people to do, when you get a new job, there's two things you want to establish at the new workplace. You got a bad back, because again, you're not going to have to do any heavy lifting around there. Number two, tough.

[Jonathan Kite]

If you're a mover.

[Adam Carolla]

Number two, you should establish that you have a special needs child. Okay. And, you know, you talk to the boss and you go, I got a special needs child. Oh, man, that's great. Really? Yeah. I mean, you get a little teary, you know? I mean, Charlie's. He's braver than I could ever. Even with my bad back, I still try to lift him. Okay. All right, now you establish this, right?

[Jonathan Kite]

I thought you were reaching for a photo.

[Adam Carolla]

If you ever. I got an app. Turn your kid tarred. Yeah. And we'll put that out there, right? And then anytime you want to go fishing or surfing, you just fucking call that boss and you go, hey, Charlie's having kind of a bad day. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Take as much time as you need. We understand. We're gonna move some boxes. We'll have someone else with a good back do that. You stay home and you take care. You prioritize. And you just fucking go out fishing.

[Jonathan Kite]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all. So you get the bad back, you get the down syndrome kid. Yeah. Whatever you do, don't make the fucking mistake. I made. I was the guy with the great back who drove a pickup truck. So every weekend I was moving someone's futon into their new apartment. Fucking brutal. Vince.

[Jonathan Kite]

You should have adopted a retarded kid just to have with you to be

[Adam Carolla]

like, well, you only need him for the one day.

[Jonathan Kite]

That's what I mean. You rent it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

And the app, trd.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Took you a second.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So fun. Now. This is weird. He lived right next door to me. Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And. And we were pretty friendly. And. And we went out with the wives and. And literally just walked through the neighborhood and went to a local eatery and had a lovely time and a few drinks. But on the ride home, I shared with him a story about an old neighbor I had. And that was the last I ever saw Vince Vaughn. He pretty much moved out. And all I hear is that he's a no fly zone at this point for me. And I. I think it was the story.

[Jonathan Kite]

I think I'm going to ask him

[Adam Carolla]

this story that got him now possibly. I lived up in the Hollywood Hills and there was an old crusty dude who lived at the house right at the bottom of my driveway. And it was a ramshackle place and it had like a piece of plywood up where busted window was. And he was like the kind of old you could smell even if he was outside of the car and the windows were up. You just like crust in his beard stuff. And he was like a weird, angry guy. And he would call Department of Building and Safety and say that I was living in unsanitary living conditions, even though I lived in this big palatial estate which completely was refurbished up on this hill. And he's living in a shotgun shack, you know, and he kept fucking complaining about the hedge or the height of the hedge and all this kind of stuff. And him and I would get into it a little bit sometimes he's like, cut the hedge. I said, well, some people like a high hedge so they don't have to look at the other person's yard. And he did one of these things. He goes, he goes, it's the law. I go, I know it's the law, but if you look around, people have 20 foot high hedges. I mean, they liked it that way. And he goes, oh, okay. So if you drove 100 miles an hour, it'd be okay for everyone to drive 100 miles an hour. Like they do that thing. And I go, well, first off, I'd love to go 100 miles an hour. Yeah, I agree with you, but I don't know what you're talking about, old man. I announced to the heavens that if that old fucker's house ever caught on fire, I would not call the fire department. I would watch it burn. I would fiddle like Nero.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah, you'd get a marshmallow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like Robert De Niro. No, I would fucking watch it. And. And I always joked about it. And one day it was about 10:30 at night, and I was just sitting in my den on the other side of the house drinking wine and watching SportsCenter, and I heard weird noises, weird noises. And I Don't know what noise is that. I got up and I walked to the end of the house. Big window in my living room, and I looked, and over the hedge, I could see flames where his house was. And I stood there and I was like, okay, so now his house is really on fire. I took an oath to never call the fire department. But this is weird because I wasn't planning on being home when his house burnt down and watching it. So I'm also got a, like, I got like a three. Three glass of wine buzz going just enough for you to go, is this happening? And I'm just, like, standing there in my bathrobe with my glass of wine, and I'm just seeing flames up. Where's houses? And I'm like, well, should I? I mean, I am an atheist, and part of being an atheist is not having to do reasonable shit, you know, when it comes to life and death. You know what I mean? So I was like, I'm sitting there and I'm like. And then all of a sudden, the phone rings. But it's the phone. It's the gate button phone, you know, that thing. And I'm like, old school, you know, landline. And I pick up the phone and I go, hello. And somebody yells into the speaker box at the gate, your neighbor's house is on fire. Call the fire department. And hangs up. And I'm like, now there's a Witness. It's fucking 10:45 at night, by the way. You call the fire department, bitch. Why do I have to call the

[Jonathan Kite]

fire department now you got to kill that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to throw him in the house and make it look like an accident.

[Jonathan Kite]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm like, this person's just walking their dog at 10:45 on a Tuesday night, sees this, and rings my buzzer. And I guess it was a little before everyone had a cell phone, like, all the time. And so now I'm looking at the flames, and I'm like, oh, shit, I got a witness. I'm on the clock. What am I going to say? By the way, with the neighbor standing out there? Oh, oh, yeah, I forgot about the fire department. That's right. I was watching SportsCenter. Sorry. So I go, oh, shit. And I'm, like, looking at the phone, and right then, a fire truck pulls up, and I'm like, good, because I kept my word and never called the fire department. And Vince Vaughn was horrified by this story because he's my neighbor and he's living next door to the atheist who doesn't believe in fire prevention. And I think it's about the last time we spoke.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah, he's thinking to himself, he's like,

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

hey, my man, what if my. What if I'm on fire? What are you gonna do about that? Just wait. Wait for me to die? Cause I'm a big guy. Daddy burns slow like a pink of Christmas dinner. You know what I'm saying? I got that apple in my mouth, I'm gonna be out there at the rotisserie. This guy's just gonna sit there like fucking. I don't have a phone right now. I gotta get out of this fucking neighborhood. I gotta get out of this fucking neighborhood. Adam, great hanging with you tonight, my man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, maybe we go out to dinner again, Vince?

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe we'll get out to dinner. Obviously not barbecue. You don't like barbecue?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I just got a fire pit put in in the back of the house. Maybe bring some.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

Well, I hope that doesn't burn down, because if he did, I would certainly be there for you. I'm just putting that out there. I'm a volunteer firefighter.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? That's the greatest. I see. I think volunteer firefighter is a better pussy gig than even firefighter because now you're doing it for the love of the game, you know what I mean? Like you're doing it for free.

[Jonathan Kite]

Is somebody filming this?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they were told not to do it. I don't want this to get back to Vince Vaughn.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah, Vince Vaughn's gonna call.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

I fucking knew it, my man. I fucking knew it. I knew you weren't gonna save me. So you know what? I moved to a Alaska. There was no fires. It's all ice. Put it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he would coach his kids. Just the idea. He would. He'd get those cones and put those miniature cones out.

[Jonathan Kite]

But don't you think that's right for him though? Cuz he's such a coach.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. And his kids would run serpentine with the soccer ball through the cones and he'd put a stop. He's got to be.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

And hey, Billy, I like what you did there. I like what you did there. But let's lay off the fruit lollops. Cause I think that's affecting your energy. It's affecting our friendship. And our relationship is father and son right now. And daddy's proud of you. I like that energy. But your brother over here, I know he's kicking your fucking ass. And your mom's got money on him and I can't lose any more money, my man. You Know what I'm talking about? Cause the money that I'm losing is your money. Cause we're, like, together. Cause we're money, baby boy. All right, do it again. Do it fucking again. All right, let's go.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's figure this out. Would we like to be the child of someone who was, like, really successful and talented? Because, like, my parents were not a high bar to clear. You know, when I was cleaning carpets, I was probably tied with my dad on the success o meter.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the second I got over $14 an hour, he was a distant second to me in the success. My mom just actually having a job and I dwarfed her. Whatever, whatever. Whatever accomplishments she's had her whole life, I beat by the time I was 19 and a half. But if your dad is, I don't know, Billy Joel or something. Frank Sinatra or Frank Sinatra. Right.

[Jonathan Kite]

You can't go into the same field. Yes, that's what I was. I think it's, like, different because my parents are not in the arts. Like, they're both very successful, but. But they just retired, but they're not. So for me, it didn't feel like I had to live up to anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Because you see these. You know, I always think Frank Sinatra Jr. You just feel like he's just trying to do an impression of his dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then there's Robbie Knievel, and that's like that poor guy would jump a moving freight train and people like. Yeah, but you still.

[Jonathan Kite]

Can I tell you where he started? What's his dad's name?

[Adam Carolla]

Evil. That's right.

[Jonathan Kite]

And who's the guy that's going to beat him? Robbie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Robbie Knievel. Ah, yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

You're not being Evil Knievel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I feel. I feel that way about the band U2, cuz they got Bono and they got the Edge. And then there's Larry.

[Jonathan Kite]

Larry. Y.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's Larry? He's with Robbie Knievel.

[Jonathan Kite]

Who gives a fuck? They're in a support group.

[Adam Carolla]

Just sit around. Yeah, I'm Robbie Knievel, Mom.

[Jonathan Kite]

Like Chad Hanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Chad Hanks.

[Jonathan Kite]

Chad Hanks, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I like that guy because he does cultural appropriation and is not apologetic about it.

[Jonathan Kite]

People have just said fuck it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he.

[Jonathan Kite]

No group is going after him anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Chad Hanks talks like he's Bob Marley's. He sounds like if Bob Marley had a guy who just rolled joints for him. Yeah, that's what Chet Hanks sounds like.

[Jonathan Kite]

Can I tell you, I used to do a joke on this. Never worked. Right. So I did Tom Hanks that, you know, earlier tonight. And so I would do. Here's my impression of Tom Hanks. And I would do like, hi, I'm Tom Hanks. And then I would go, here's my impression of Chet Hanks. And I go, mom, me want some red striped beer?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

See, it never works.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what he sounds like.

[Jonathan Kite]

That is a great joke. And you guys are wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

And so you guys are wrong.

[Jonathan Kite]

But, yeah, he has a Jamaican accent. He's like, we going. Be right back there, man. That's how he sounds. Some of you don't think that we're making this character up. It's not like the kool aid man, right? This guy a real guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I wonder if, like, Tom Hanks ever gets drunk and thinks about having him killed. You know what I mean?

[Jonathan Kite]

Like, they had a bad relationship for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Hire a drifter. You know what I mean?

[Jonathan Kite]

He has more money. He is better than drifter money. He could. There was a rumor that. That somebody had hired, I think, Angelina Jolie. Somebody hired someone to kill her, and then she, like, met the person and convinced them out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah. Because I feel like that's what would happen with Tom Hanks would like.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

All right, listen. I've got a million dollars in this

[Jonathan Kite]

bag, and I want you to go kill my son. And then Chet Hankson would just be rolling blunts with him.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like to have Angelina Jolie try to talk me out of killing her. It wasn't you. And when I say talk, talk is cheap. Let's get down to business. I'm pretty pent up, and I'm kind of in the mood for Gillen. But if I could just take the edge off, you know, just sort of sit back and relax a little. And again, feeling pretty pent up and unappreciated, by the way.

[Jonathan Kite]

Adam's like, convince me, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Is it hot in here? Is that just me? Let me.

[Jonathan Kite]

Back problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Loosen up these slacks a little bit. Anyway, you know, I did enjoy tomb raider. You have the outfit. That'd be kind of cool. I mean, as long as we're convincing me of stuff, you know, it's.

[Jonathan Kite]

It's just. It's just shorts and a T shirt. She's got it.

[Adam Carolla]

And you do understand, you know, I already took the down payment, so I'd have to return that. So it's not as simple as just a thumbs up.

[Jonathan Kite]

I can't re venmo the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She seems pretty nuts, right?

[Jonathan Kite]

Yes, she does.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was Kind of crazy. She had a vial of blood she used to carry around with Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Bob Thornton's blood.

[Jonathan Kite]

It was Billy Bob Thornton's Landman blood. Let me tell you something. I used to have a vial of

[Adam Carolla]

blood of Angelina Jolie.

[Jonathan Kite]

And it was not from her tampon, let me tell you that. I know it works with your crowds, and so I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Billy Bob's now doing AT&T commercials, bro.

[Jonathan Kite]

God bless him. He's a legend. I love him.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, I do too. But I'd like him to put on a couple pounds. I, I don't like when guys just. And sorry, I know you're svelte as well, but I like, I'd like to see him.

[Jonathan Kite]

Thank you for noticing.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, how now he had Angelina Jolie in her prime. Prime Jolie. And they were doing unspeakable things in the bedroom. I'm sure.

[Jonathan Kite]

Remember the bell curve we talked about? About showing their tits?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Right up here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How often do you think Billy Bob goes to the spank bank, gets into the Wayback machine, goes to 1997 and summons up a little prime Angelina Jolie? I mean, you'd have to, right?

[Jonathan Kite]

He's got the app. He banks 24 hours a day. You know what I'm saying? Like, he's. That spank bank is open.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he got her, I don't know, 26 and a half or whatever. And God knows there's nothing she wouldn't do in the bedroom because it's always important to find a woman who despises her dad. That almost always leads to analysis.

[Jonathan Kite]

You will have to put some of your blood in a necklace.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

Anal.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like, no, I, I'm saying she hated her dad. She's putting out in the bedroom and she's nuts.

[Jonathan Kite]

You know, she. Well, now she always looks like she can see ghosts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Kite]

Like, whenever I see her interview, she's like, looking. I'm like, is something behind me? Like, what is happening here?

[Adam Carolla]

Must be nice to just like, I don't know where the, all the money comes from, but, like, at a certain point, I would just like to never work again, go to foreign lands and look for landmines. Because that's what you do when you're super rich. You just go places and look for landmines.

[Jonathan Kite]

That's a better plot for the, for a show titled Landman than what he's got going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Landmine man.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah, Landmine Man. He has these little kids with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Princess dies. We lost one of them. No, Celebrity that's ever gone looking for a landmine has ever been killed by a landmine, which I feel like you should be like. I feel like if my plan was to go looking for Kodiak bears, eventually someone's gonna get killed by Kodiak bear.

[Jonathan Kite]

It's like Star Trek, right? It's always the guy in the red shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. That's right.

[Jonathan Kite]

They got a lot of red shirted dudes with.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the new cast member. Yeah, right.

[Jonathan Kite]

Oh, this will be fun. Then you hear an explosion. Well, we lost Billy.

[Adam Carolla]

How about a little Liam Neeson? Just because I'm always. I'm always a fan.

[Jonathan Kite]

Listen to me very carefully. I am getting older, but I will still find you. And I will kill you. It will take me longer because I don't know how to use Google Maps, but I will find you and I will kill you. I am still printing out MapQuest to find you. Listen to me very carefully. I will find you. As long as you don't move, you have to stay in the exact same spot because I move a lot slower than I did. But listen to me very carefully. If you stay in the same spot, I will find you. Eventually, I will find you. As long as it's in the day, I don't see very well at night. But if you stay exactly where you are and you have a sign, like they do at the front of a tour group, a flag when you're in the Coliseum in Rome, I will find you and I will kill you.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I'm. I'm told you're working on an Adam Corolla impersonation. Although I'm difficult and it's not through any fault of my own, I've just never really had anyone nail an Acarola.

[Jonathan Kite]

I'd have to. Let's see. Well, the thing is that you do something particular with your teeth. So I feel like next time I'm on, I'm gonna nail it. And you have a. Well, I say fuck em.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck em all.

[Jonathan Kite]

There's a. And also, this is what happens, right. When you've been famous for as long as this man has been famous. When you were on man show, you sounded very different than you do now.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Jonathan Kite]

So if you think about anybody that's been around and who has had such a great career, like Christopher Walken. Right. He didn't used to talk that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Jonathan Kite]

When he was young, Chris was very sort of normal, but now he's old over the place, or even Al Pacino.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jonathan Kite]

Al Pacino's A classic winner. You know, Al Pacino. When Al Pacino was younger, he said, let me tell you something, Frito. We're gonna get this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna get him right here.

[Jonathan Kite]

He had a very high pitched voice, almost feminine voice. But now he's like down here, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooah.

[Jonathan Kite]

I'm gonna tell you something. I keep getting older and coming in women. I stick it in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooah, you know. Well, how much of it do you think are guys kind of, kind of falling into their own trap?

[Jonathan Kite]

No, that's what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it is.

[Jonathan Kite]

You, you hear people do you for a lot like Dairo. All these guys that they get older and they're here, people do it. It's just in the culture. And it's like you, you know, you die the hero or you live long enough to become the villain. So it's like they all become an exaggeration of themselves because they've heard it for so many years.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't not, I mean, think about

[Jonathan Kite]

if you were Christopher Walken every day of your life. People must be like, like, wow, cowbell. You know, like every day of your life. And you'd be like, I get it. I was in a sketch a long time ago. Can you let me take a.

[Adam Carolla]

Jonathan Kite, everybody. The website for live dates. Jonathan kitecomedy.com will find out where you're playing around the country.

[Jonathan Kite]

Yeah, I got, I'll be around. I just got off a couple tour. Rudy, who you know, opens for both of us, he's amazing, just opened for me. I'm taking a break to do this movie and then as soon as it's over, when we wrap it in a month or so, I'll be back on the road.

[Adam Carolla]

Check him out. Jonathan Kite, everybody. Oh, trying to run a small business in this state especially, I mean it is all the deck is stacked against you. Am I right, Dawson?

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

All right, the great Jonathan Kite. Now, Alicia Krause is full of news over here. I got stuff to talk about too, but I don't know. Let's start with the news.

[Alicia Krause]

You want to start with some news?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Alicia Krause]

All right. So I saw firsthand a joke that you've been doing for a little bit. I think you first posted it on the socials maybe a few months ago, like six, seven months ago. But you did a funny. When my husband and friends and I came to see you in Phoenix for one of your shows over at the Desert Ridge Comedy Club, you did this funny bit that apparently now people online are stealing. So this self.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is an old bit for me.

[Alicia Krause]

So you've done it even before six months ago?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I've done it years ago.

[Alicia Krause]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I had a windbreaker made up that says nice agent on it that I was literally gonna give to Trump. I was gonna hand it to him because I was going during his first administration to interview him, and it was literally all set up. And as I was driving to the airport, it got canceled.

[Alicia Krause]

Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

And I had the windbreaker, which is here, printed up somewhere in the back.

[Alicia Krause]

Can I have it?

[Adam Carolla]

There's pictures probably on our computer somewhere. A nice agent windbreaker, if he sent me, put it in there. But it was.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It's quite old.

[Alicia Krause]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It's years old.

[Alicia Krause]

Well, this clip is from you doing a show back in September of 2025.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All the progressive politicians want to get rid of ice, right? AOC Kamala's like, oh, got to get rid of ice.

[Jonathan Kite]

We got to reimagine everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't get it. I like ice.

[Jonathan Kite]

They do a job.

[Adam Carolla]

We need them. Immigration Custom Enforcement. What's wrong with that? And I realized I think it's the name. They don't like the name ICE Sounds so cold, so personal. Remember Top Gun, Iceman? No one liked that guy. But I came up with a foolproof way to keep ice. All we have to do is modify the name just a little bit. Just started with the word national. National Immigration Customs Enforcement. Nice. Good luck at that rally, AOC Trying to abolish Nice. And it would be a great recruitment tool because you would get a windbreaker that read nice agent on it. Yeah. Anyway, you get it. So that's from the dry bar. But Yeah, I know where I was. The reason I know how old this joke is. We could really figure it out with Mike August, but I was doing a live podcast from Anaheim and it's kind of an interesting thing. And we're up on stage. Years before, ICE was really a big deal, because this is. I mean, I could look at my calendar, but this is like eight or ten years ago, we're doing a live show. And I was up on stage and Bald Bryan was up on stage with me. And they. Somebody, something. Ice. Ice. And I said, it should be. Start with the word national. Be nice. And then later on, a few days later, maybe a week later, we're in the studio. But I remember it because it's an interesting way of how the mind works. And I go, you know that joke I came up with in Anaheim, that nice thing that's actually true would work. And then Bob Bryan goes, I said that on stage. Which is how that's my entire life. And then I go, no, no, I said it. And he goes, that was mine. And I go, okay, it wasn't. I said it. And he goes, I'm sure I said it. You said ice. But then I said, nice. And I said, roll the tape, roll the tape. Because it was a live podcast. And then of course, I said it. Now, he thought he said it because he liked it, but you're not allowed to just take stuff you like and

[Alicia Krause]

say, I thought of it and give it self attribution.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alicia Krause]

So I used to give Ben so much shit for that when he would do that to me on the morning show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Alicia Krause]

But he would, he would readily admit it.

[Adam Carolla]

I see that. And so we think it's human nature. We, like, we stopped and had an argument about it. And that's how I remember it was a long time ago. But anyway, real Donald Trump.

[Alicia Krause]

So now this Alyssa Marie, 11, who is a self professed MAGA journalist. I don't know what that means. Okay. But she said she wanted the president to rebrand U.S. immigration and Customs Enforcement to National Immigration Customs Enforcement. So the media has to say nice agents all day, every day. So she talks about the media. She's. And the President actually said, great idea. Do it in all caps.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alicia Krause]

And now it's all over the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well.

[Alicia Krause]

And you're not getting any attribution. I just feel really bad for you about that.

[Adam Carolla]

I should get some love for this.

[Alicia Krause]

I mean, you've gotten presents from the President, so you should ping his people, or your people should ping his people and be like, yo, yeah, well, we

[Adam Carolla]

could send his people that clip and the jacket. Oh, we should send him the jacket. The picture of that jacket's on our computer somewhere, but I don't know, you gotta put in ice jacket picture so nothing comes up. If you go like, ice windbreaker, ice jacket, something I should say. Sorry. You should say nice probably. Nice picture. It's in the back in a box somewhere. I have it. I made it. I mean, I made it.

[Alicia Krause]

That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Years ago I was like living in another house and married and stuff like that, so I know it was a long time ago, but Andrew, if you look in the computer and you go, nice jacket or nice windbreaker, no picture comes up. Huh?

[Alicia Krause]

Oh, he's doing the search.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing the search.

[Alicia Krause]

Play the Jeopardy music.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought we had a picture of the windbreaker somewhere, but could say, I'd probably write nice windbreaker, maybe ice windbreaker. But anyway, what else you got?

[Alicia Krause]

All right, we have. So the day after the assassination attempt at the White House Correspondents Dinner, a woman who had attended the White House correspondents dinner, Nora McDonald, did an interview with the president. And in that interview, she talked about how the attempted assassin was not a fan of Christianity and Donald Trump. And she started to quote parts of his manifesto about why he wanted to kill President Trump. And Trump's response was very Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

So called manifesto is a stunning thing to read, Mr. President.

[Alicia Krause]

He appears to reference a motive.

[Adam Carolla]

In it he writes this, quote, administration

[Alicia Krause]

officials, they are targets.

[Adam Carolla]

And he also wrote this. I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes. What's your reaction? Well, I was waiting for you to

[Donald Trump]

read that because I knew you would because you're, you're, you're horrible people. Horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I'm not a rapist. I didn't rape anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Said loose. Do you think he was referring to you?

[Donald Trump]

Excuse me, I'm not a pedophile. You read that crap from some sick person? I got associated with all stuff that has nothing to do with me. I was totally exonerated. Your friends on the other side of the plate are the ones that were involved with, let's say, Epstein or other things. But I said to myself, you know, I'll do this interview and they'll probably. I read the manifesto. You know, he's a sick person. But you should be ashamed of yourself reading that, because I'm not any of those things.

[Adam Carolla]

Mr. President's words.

[Donald Trump]

Excuse me, you shouldn't be reading that in 60 minutes. You're a disgrace. But go ahead, let's finish the interview.

[Adam Carolla]

The other thing that he wrote in disgraceful.

[Alicia Krause]

I mean, to her credit, she wasn't, like, super defensive.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Alicia Krause]

But when she's like, well, you think the gunman was talking about you, like, yes, lady, yes. Because this is what people have been spewing on mainstream media for years when it comes to Trump, specifically since the Stormy Daniels case, specifically since all of these women came forward. Who was the other lady that said that he raped her? And he wasn't criminally charged, but he

[Adam Carolla]

was civilly BJ Johnson or AJ Johnson.

[Alicia Krause]

And so for her to be like,

[Adam Carolla]

oh, she's not his gun.

[Alicia Krause]

Also just bad reporting. If you read the manifesto, the gunman literally said that he felt, as an American, he was responsible for Trump being a horrible pedophile and rapist, and he felt like if he didn't do anything, he was a bad person.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alicia Krause]

And so, of course, Trump and everybody who reads that manifesto is going to think that the gunman was talking about him when the media has been talking like that for 10 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you write a manifesto, it's about whoever you're trying to kill, essentially. So it's a de facto manifesto. Lot of O's going on. But it's defacto manifesto, which is you write your manifesto when you go to kill. If you were going to kill the head coach of the Cleveland Browns and you wrote a manifesto, everything you wrote would be about him. It'd be implied. Oh, on your manifesto. Because it's de facto him. So she does that. Of course, she would never do anything like that to Biden and.

[Alicia Krause]

But I think themselves sometimes. I mean, I've been in situations where I'm asked a dumb question, and I think to myself, you're a despicable person. But I don't say the quiet part out loud. Trump says the quiet part out loud. And I think that that's what, you know, his base appreciates about him, is that he's unafraid to, like, put down the decorum. And I mean, clearly, like, he and Melania, I think Melania specifically was, like, really scared. And you look at her face and her reaction, I'm sure she's pissed off at the media for feeding into this. Just recently, she did her own press conference at the White House, which literally never happens. I don't think it's the first one she's ever done where she was like, my husband and I have nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Yeah, I saw that.

[Alicia Krause]

And she felt the need to do that like a month ago because of all of this rhetoric coming from journalists.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it's the same good people on both sides journalism. I mean, it's peacefully and patriotically. March. The journalism is dead. I mean, their form or whatever form we grew up with, they're essentially partisan liars at this point. There's no way they don't have context. They have the good people on both sides and then they have to cook the tape so it plays to their narrative. And they also, by the way, they didn't. You really. You go, what are the two biggest cards they played in the anti Trump world? Like, you go, well, if you really think about it, it's like, let's really just see if we can go in order. You got Russian collusion. That's all you journalists, not doing any kind of fucking journalism. Taking Adam Schiff's word, you know, no one said in year number three when he came in and went, you know, boys, I got something cooking this time for no one. You know what, you've come in here 28 times, Mr. Schiff. You keep saying there's some information, there's some evidence somewhere that's about to pop any day now. And that was three years ago. So if you got something, say it. And if you don't, we're not going to have you back on the show. No one ever did any form of journalism. So they took Russian collusion and they just talked about it for three years, listening to everything. Swalwell. I mean, by the way, some of Swalwell's answers was like, they said to Swalwell, like, oh, man, there's my nice windbreaker. They said to Swalwell, do you have any evidence that he colluded with Russia? And he's like, it's all around us. That's not evidence, you fucking idiot.

[Alicia Krause]

Swalwell was also the one that talked about, like, his Trump's abuse of power and abuse of women. Does it. Will it fit me? I mean, if it was made for the President, probably not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got a big one. It's a nice raincoat. I should actually wear it. Yeah, it's got the patch, the Department of U.S. homeland Security. Security, yeah. The American flag on it. It's got the nice patch. Special Agent.

[Alicia Krause]

Nice embroidery there.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I mean, nice. Yeah, yeah, I made this 10 years ago. Eight years ago.

[Alicia Krause]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice. On the front.

[Alicia Krause]

Let's. Yeah, I like this. I kind of want to see if it fits. Police. Nice. That's the only thing it would have been Slightly better if it just said nice agent.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I want it first off, you know me, I'm always disappointed in my employees, always. And I said, why didn't you say nice agent or nice on the back? Police nice. And you know what? God bless my employee at the time got on the computer, pulled up a picture of NICE agents and ICE agents and it says police, then it says ICE under it. And to be fair, I said, just make it like the regular things. But put. Now, God fucking forbid somebody say something before they spend 800 bucks printing something. Go. It says police and it says nice under. I'd go, you know what, son? In that case, let's just get rid of the police. And they'd go, but it's not exactly like. And I'd go, nobody would know.

[Alicia Krause]

But that's my bit. The bit is nice agent.

[Adam Carolla]

So let's keep with you, right? But of course, nobody asked me. And like I said, I just said make it like the jacket. Now, when you get people that are actually good, they see stuff that's wrong and go, I don't think this reads as good as if it just said nice on the back. But if you pull up a picture of an ICE windbreaker, it will say police Ice. Okay, so they got me on a technicality.

[Alicia Krause]

Gotcha. Now I'm wondering if that'll fit me.

[Adam Carolla]

I still think people who know you're going for a joke are allowed to pause and go, Just wanted to check

[Alicia Krause]

for the record, the employee was not me. No, I did not work here at the time. No, I have a Guardian Angels jacket with my name on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Alicia Krause]

I do, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's funny.

[Alicia Krause]

And Curtis gave me one a long time ago. And now I feel like I want one of these jackets.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is.

[Alicia Krause]

Do you think I could park anywhere in la? Well, no, I don't want to wear it in la. I'll wear it in the middle of the country.

[Adam Carolla]

Wear it in la. See how that works?

[Alicia Krause]

I don't. I don't wanna wear it in la. I'll wear it in the middle of the country and just park wherever I want.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's Swalwell, by the way, talking about how he got elected. So here's what I'm saying. Russian collusion, bullshit, hoax, right? And by the way, if the news wanted to look into this, they could have, but they didn't. Then you go to J6 and that's another hoax and another cooked piece of tape. You know, he didn't say they cut out the peacefully protest or patriotically Then there's good people on both sides. They cooked that. So are you doing journalism or are you cooking tape? Because it sounds to me like you're cooking tape. Because everyone else had access to the full tape where he goes, I'm not talking about the neo Nazis, and I'm not talking about, you know, those people should be condemned. Like, it's all on the tape. So you guys knew it and you cooked it.

[Alicia Krause]

Not including all the stuff during COVID that they tried to say that he said or how he was being unscientific and injecting bleach.

[Adam Carolla]

So you guys are not. You guys are the fake news. Which is a weird thing because you get so pious. You're like, I can't believe he's saying fake news. He's attacking legitimate. No, you guys were lying about him the entire time, and you knew it.

[Alicia Krause]

And I think the problem is I have done reporting, and I don't love to do it, but I have. I tend to do more commentary, opinion stuff. But in a past life, I did do reporting work. And you do have to make sure that you trust your source. And even then, sometimes a source can screw you. So broadly, I look at these media, the journalists, anchors, producers, reporters, and I'm like, all right, I'll give them a benefit of the doubt or two. Because sometimes you do get something wrong or sometimes things shift in the truth comes out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but what if you get the whole take and the whole thing.

[Alicia Krause]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you. All the things you said and then you chop it up.

[Alicia Krause]

That's the problem here. And that's why they've lost the trust of the American people.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they should. Cuz they're lying.

[Alicia Krause]

Cuz they've done it over and over and over again. Where they have an interview with Kamala that makes her look really bad, and they edit out the worst parts. And then they say, we showed you the whole tape.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's swallow on 17.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Russia messed with your freedom to choose at the ballot box. And when I say that our U.S. intelligence agencies have concluded this, I don't just mean that they think it might have happened or it could have happened. No, we're talking about the FBI, we're talking about the Central Intelligence Agency, and we're talking about the professionals, the computer wizards over at the National Security Agency. They've all said that Vladimir Putin ordered this attack, that it was a multifaceted attack that used hacked Democratic emails, that disseminated fake news and. And that sought to take social media trolls on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Other social media platforms to lift up a preferred candidate in Donald Trump and to tear down someone they absolutely despised. Secretary Hillary Clinton. You have Vladimir Putin.

[Alicia Krause]

I love the graphics.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

And his team.

[Adam Carolla]

Amazing graphics on the Internet.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Hackers over in Russia pushing out paper pictures, pushing out the information that they hacked. On YouTube.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

On Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. Gotta. And through Facebook with a T and an F. Uh huh.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Now how many people saw the disseminated fake news and hacked emails that they put out? Millions. Actually 150 million people in the United States saw the information that was either fake news or disseminated emails just on Facebook alone. So why do they like Donald Trump? Well, Putin liked that he was a businessman, he was someone who was open to doing deals. But Donald Trump is probably one of the only persons in a free democratic society who thinks that Putin is a great guy. It's a two way investment that Donald Trump and the Russians have had in each other. But the Russians waited for 2016 for the greatest investment of all to do all they could to try and help him get elected.

[Alicia Krause]

What's at stake, it says up there,

[Adam Carolla]

it's got a lot. Our democracy is resting in the balance. Right?

[Alicia Krause]

Yes.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Interfered in our election. I just want to emphasize this is not a campaign that had contacts with the Australian.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, where are my roofies? Let's wrap this up. I'm going to roofie myself. How about that?

[Alicia Krause]

I mean, I hope that the FBI and the CIA and the Department of Homeland Security is also looking into, you know, the alleged affairs and sexual harassment and assault allegations against.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are cheap fakes, specifically when it

[Alicia Krause]

comes to, you know, Chinese nationals.

[Adam Carolla]

Cheap fake. Fang, fang fang fang. Cheap fake, cheap fang.

[Alicia Krause]

But Russia hoax, cheap.

[Adam Carolla]

That's real.

[Alicia Krause]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And the good people on both sides and all that, it's all real.

[Alicia Krause]

Okay, that guy, how many people knew? So he talks about like, oh, everybody knew about this. When it comes to Trump, I just wonder how many people. A reminder that many people knew in the Democratic Party about his gross behavior. And they were quiet about it cuz it was somebody on their side.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's like I said, they all knew Trump colluded with Russia. They all knew something that didn't happen that was 8,000 miles away, but they didn't know the thing that was sitting next to them every day. That seems dubious to me because I would say it's a weird way to go through life. You know, something that didn't happen, that's in a foreign land. But the guy who sits next to you, you don't know about and none of you know about.

[Alicia Krause]

You went to cocktail parties and nothing seemed untoward at all.

[Adam Carolla]

And it actually did happen. So that seems, again, dubious. I'll pick one or the other. Either you don't know about Russia and you don't know about Swalwell, or you do know about Russia and you do know about Swalwell, but you can't go, I knew about Russia, but I did not know about this guy. I used to sit in the bathroom stall one booth over from. I'd say you're closer to him than you were to Putin.

[Alicia Krause]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Alicia Krause]

All right. Speaking of foreign dignitaries, King Charles and Queen Camilla are coming to the United States for a visit. And NPR is super highlighting how the things are strained right now. So Keir Starmer, the prime minister of Britain, is against the US Involvement in Iran. He's been poetically apologetic to the terrorist regime over there.

[Adam Carolla]

He's just against movement and stuff. I mean, if you really.

[Alicia Krause]

He's against doing things.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, you have to really think about your job in government at almost any level. I mean, it could be at the dmv, but it could be at the very. It could be prime minister. You get paid, you know, you kind of get paid whether you do this or don't do this. You just get paid. And you're really kind of there not to get fired, but not really to excel or get a raise. You know what I mean? Like, you're kind of protecting some lead that you don't really have. But you're like a football coach that's going, look, I don't really care if we win this game, but I'm not going to lose it. And we're not gonna do any onside kicks or pooch fake punts or we're not doing any of that stuff. Cause if it doesn't work, I'm fucked. You know what I mean? But right now, we're just here to kind of tie this game and we're gonna run that clock out. So a lot of guys, you think about all the things you'd like to do if you're a president, but what did Joe Biden want to do? You know what I mean? What really did he want to do?

[Alicia Krause]

He just loved being president.

[Adam Carolla]

He just liked being president, but there wasn't a bunch of stuff he wanted to do. And you get four years or you get two terms, but whether you do a good job or don't do a good job or do stuff or don't do stuff, and then you get asked to leave and then you write books and you go on a lucrative speaking tour. Banquet circuit. Right, right.

[Alicia Krause]

Raise money for your library.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of these guys, especially in these first world nations, are kind of running out the clock. I don't know what Kamala Harris was interest in. I still don't really know. She was kind of interested in being the president and being the vice president and then just sort of hanging around and not really talking about anything, like actual substantive things.

[Alicia Krause]

I think it'd be nicer to Keir Starmer than I wouldn't want to be, though, because I think that he's actually engaged in rhetoric and governance. That isn't just lazy, it's dangerous because he is kowtowing to the radicals within his nation that are helping destroy Western civilization from within. And in the process of like, also being like, hey, King Charles, you and the Queen should go sit down and play nicey nicey with Trump. Because we still need the power of the military and economic force of the United States behind us. So he'll bash us when we go in and try to free people from a dictatorial regiment while pretending he's pro, you know, Jews and pro Israel because he banned Kanye west or something. But he lets radicals burn flags of the British government in the street and call for Intifada.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alicia Krause]

And then also it's like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't. I left out another part. The part is run out the clock and never be called a racist or homophobic or oppressive or any of that. I'm gonna never be called racist. So everyone can just kind of do what they want, and I'm just gonna run the clock out. So that's. He's a weak guy. I don't know. Here's the point. Trump wants to do a bunch of shit, and he's in a hurry, and he upsets the people that are just

[Alicia Krause]

there just riding it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, you have to really. Let's really just fundamentally go, look, I have a job, and my job involves me physically being somewhere to get paid, and I gotta go to that place and I have to perform. Put out, corporate, stand up. Funny you should ask. Whatever. I have to go places and do stuff. What if I just got paid? You know what I mean? Like, I just get paid. And it's like, well, whether you get on an airplane or not, or whether you go over there or do this or whether you're actually funny or not, you know, you just. You'll get paid. Well, that would kind of change the dynamic of what I did and how I do it.

[Alicia Krause]

So you're describing the royals.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I'm kind of describing everyone in government, which is like, you're getting paid whether you do a good job or not. So now let's try not to get fired.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's really what these guys are doing now. Trump doesn't give a shit. Cause he's already rich and he's old. And also, I am telling you, he is a builder and builders are in a hurry. I cannot. I'm like old now and I've kind of lost my fastball. When I used to build shit 20 years ago, I'd be like, what's going on with the windows? Where are they? Where are they? Coming Friday. They said Monday, two weeks ago now Friday. Like, I was like, let's go, let's go, let's go. It's a weird let's go thing that has to do with building. And you could see it. Huel, ah, heading into spring, you want to eat, right? But it's hard when I'm busy. It is. That's why I love Huel's ready to drink full meals. My favorite is the vanilla flavor, but you know, that's me. You may love them all. They have 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins and minerals, no artificial sweeteners, colors or flavors. Gluten free. It's a complete meal. You can literally grab and go for less than $5. If you do have a little more time. And when I got more time, I definitely will use the powder, blend it up with some fruit, make a little shake out of it. Very easy, very convenient. If you're trying to stay consistent. This combo makes it stupidly easy. It's Huel, right?

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Alicia Krause]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Alicia Krause]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

I mean, think about him in the whole fire thing. He's in dc, his property's in Florida. His property is in Ireland. His property's in New York. He comes out to LA and he's like, let's be. Come on, you gotta clean those lots. You gotta clean those lots. It's not like his golf course in Malibu burned down. He didn't have any property out here.

[Alicia Krause]

He just wants to see things like that.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, let's go, let's go. And Karen Bass like, slow down. Be nice and safe. Be safe. Safe and slow. And so he's like, no, no, go. I can't remember. I think it was Spencer Pratt that was telling me, like somebody was on a big conference call with Karen Bass after Trump left, and she was like, trump wants me to speed it along. I'm not doing any of that shit.

[Alicia Krause]

It sounds like all the dumb Democrats that are running for governor, it's like the opposite of what Trump wants.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna fight Trump. And you're not gonna get any permits,

[Alicia Krause]

even if it's for the betterment of your constituents and for the state. Heaven forbid. He might have a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't care.

[Alicia Krause]

This is why I appreciate Democrats like Fetterman that are willing to call out their own side. And I think that Republicans need to remember to do this too. Like, sometimes you gotta call out your own side.

[Adam Carolla]

Agreed.

[Alicia Krause]

Like, if stuff is not getting done, I mean, Queen Camilla could have looked. I didn't love that dress. But of course, Melania looks great, as always. So polls are showing that Brits do not support the trip.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they don't?

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah. Apparently people in front of Buckingham palace remember the group that was the Stop Trump coalition and they had like the baby. Yes, the blow up baby Trump baby. So they brought it across the pond. Cause it. You made the rounds here in the States for a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

It did.

[Alicia Krause]

And they brought it across the pond. And they were out in front of Buckingham palace talking about how horrible it is and how the king should not go TBD on whether or not the king and the queen will be coming out to Montecito to see some prince and daughter in law and grandbabies.

[Adam Carolla]

I hate her. Why do we hate Meghan so much? Oh, because she tries to be a victim, I think. And she lives in the lap of luxury.

[Alicia Krause]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey.

[Alicia Krause]

And has a Netflix special. Special.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you. To everybody who's toiled in this business for 30 years when they just start handing out production deals to the Obamas and Meghan Markle. You're like fucking untalented idiots. Do nothing. And by the way, it always falls apart. They give a million dollars to do a podcast and there's a $10 million.

[Alicia Krause]

It doesn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the band, well, they don't have anything to say.

[Alicia Krause]

That's why she has all of her celebrity friends at her pre made, you know, luncheons that she's doing at her mansion in Montecito, which, hey, retirement goals. But yes, it's like the. The royal family is so racist. The royal family is so horrible. Yada yada. Also, let me just keep talking about it so I can keep being all over the media, everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

See if you can find on the Internet. This will crack everybody up. It's an oldie but a goodie from this show. Kevin Nealon speaking about saving the elephant or letting the elephant go at the LA Zoo. Kevin Nealon is a seasoned stand up comedian and a good stand up comedian. And for Christ's sake, hosted did the news desk at SNL for several years. Right. So he figured when you speak in court about Bubbles the elephant and they give you one minute to talk, you don't really need to write stuff down in advance because you do an hour, your headliner, and all he got was one minute. The thing that's crazy about this tape, if you watch him, he runs out of material 16 seconds into the one minute. And that's the Meghan Markle thing. They give all these people podcasts and then they figure out these dingbats don't have anything to say. And now they're like, oh shit, man.

[Alicia Krause]

Got lots of B roll. Lots of shots of the mountains and the garden.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alicia Krause]

And her fake cooking in the kitchen. Oh, and let's throw in Mindy Cowling. Cause we need somebody else there to do the talking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know how the Internet works. I bet you could find it on there. We always used to bust Kevin's balls. I like Kevin, but it is kind of comical. You can see in his eyes when he's run out of stuff to say about the elephant. But again, it's a one minute time limit and this guy is on stage for an hour every night.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And doing snl, I don't know how many years he did the desk.

[Alicia Krause]

You don't think it was just a brain freeze in that moment?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's happened to the best of us. Where you go, I got this. And Then you get up there and you're like, oh, I don't really have that much to say about this thing. He was not an elephant expert, but he was going to speak on behalf of the elephant at this LA City Council or whatever it was, because the zoo. He wanted the zoo to set the elephant free.

[Alicia Krause]

Where?

[Adam Carolla]

Just in the middle of downtown LA Santa Clarita.

[Alicia Krause]

Bring it out to the ie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, bring it out to the ie. All right. Well, if we don't have it, that's fine.

[Alicia Krause]

Along those lines, what is the Internet?

[Adam Carolla]

How does the Internet work? And that does that stuff gets.

[Alicia Krause]

Was there an earthquake we didn't feel.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you Googling? What are we saying?

[Alicia Krause]

I mean, I guess I could do it, but then I'd have to send it and then how would it go through?

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Believe it's. Is it Billy the Elephant?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Yeah, because I'm Googling that and it's not coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you typing?

[News Reporter / Commentator]

Kevin Nealon. Kevin Nealon. Adam Carolla. Kevin Nealon. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Billy the Elephant. Why do you need me in it, though?

[Jonathan Kite]

I'm trying all three.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

I'm trying multiple times.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just go. Kevin Nealon speaks. Billy the Elephant.

[Jonathan Kite]

I did that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. It is Billy the Elephant. I said bubbles. But yeah, it might be in our computer somewhere, but God knows. God knows. Anyway, it's funny. He just runs out of. Out of steam. Buckingham Palace. Chuck, see if the Buckinghams, which was a band from the 60s, I was

[Alicia Krause]

thinking Lindsey Buckingham and.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this is the Buckinghams.

[Alicia Krause]

Oh, I don't think I know them.

[Adam Carolla]

They had a hit. I think it was Lies, maybe. Which is a really good question.

[Alicia Krause]

The Tell Me Lies Tell Me Sweet Little Lies 1.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're going back to Fleetwood Manhattan.

[Alicia Krause]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. All roads lead to the Mac.

[Alicia Krause]

No, I love me some Stevie.

[Adam Carolla]

It is the Buckinghams. See, it was confusing because once the Beatles hit, then the British Invasion hit, then there are a bunch of American bands that tried to English it up. So there was a bunch of guys from Indiana, but because they were printing money because of this English Invasion, this British Invasion, then a bunch of bands that were from Muncie. Let's do that. Let's do that. And so they would give them names and, like, the.

[Alicia Krause]

It sounded British. Well, the Buckinghams does sound very royal.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But half these bands had these names, but they weren't from those places. Sorry. The Buckinghams. So their number one hit is called Kind of a Drag. Oh, it's Kind of a Drag. You'll know so. But it's Kind of. What's their number two hit, by the way? Or do they have one? You don't care. You don't Care. Yeah, that's a good song, too.

[Alicia Krause]

I know none of these.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's kind of a drag. I'll tell you the songs you know and the songs you don't know. Thank you very much. I listen. My number one quality, people say, ace, what's your number one quality? Is it building? Is it the comedic genius? Is it the sports car driving? What is it with you? What is number one? And the number one quality I have is telling people they know songs that they say they don't know.

[Alicia Krause]

Oh, I thought it was gonna be specifically telling women what they should and shouldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I have told Dr. Drew at least 1700 songs where he goes, I don't know. And then I go play the song and he goes, oh, I know that song.

[Alicia Krause]

There's a show that my 12 year old has been watching where it's like a celebrity and a regular person and they go up against each other and they try to figure out the song and they, like, make a bet on how many chords they can guess the song in. And it's kind of Name that Tune.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alicia Krause]

Is it Name that Tune?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's kind of what name it

[Alicia Krause]

is, the Name that tune concept. But I think it might have a different name right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. All right. I don't know. We'll get flagged, but we're gonna have to play. It's kind of. Well, where are the Buckinghams from?

[Alicia Krause]

Muncie?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Well, that's what I've been talking about, Chuck, the whole time. Origin?

[Jonathan Kite]

Chicago, Illinois.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But they came in right after the Beatles in Buckingham palace, and they said, you're from Chicago. So we're not gonna name you the Cubbies or the Chicagoans. We're gonna call you the Buckinghams and we'll put you in these cute outfits and you can cash in on the British Invasion.

[Alicia Krause]

Did they have the bowl cuts, too?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't remember what they look like. We're gonna play Alicia Krause. Kind of a drag. We'll cut it out so I don't get in trouble. And then when we come back, she'll go, oh, I know that song. So that's how this game's gonna go. And don't lie to me and tell me you don't know this song. And Chuck's not gonna know it because it's something. Oh, yeah.

[Alicia Krause]

This was on Cool FM when I was a kid. My grandparents used to listen to it out of Paris, Texas.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you can stop it. Alicia Crouse. You got the song. You knew the song within six seconds.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah, but the trumpets at the beginning was. But once the lead singer started. I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

That was about second number six, maybe seven.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah, but. But it's. If you're going just based off the chords, like how many chords or how many beats, I don't think I would have won. Name that tune.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but you knew the song under 10 seconds of me playing the song.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, how do I know and what do I know? Because I fucking know everything. That's how I know. I know the songs. People say they don't know. I know they know them. That's my number one. I'm 1000% batting average on this.

[Alicia Krause]

Is there, like, a science behind it, though? Cause you're like, oh, homeschooled. Probably wasn't allowed to listen to Eminem when she was a kid. So she's gonna know the oldies.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an age. I factor in age, I factor in background, and then I factor in.

[Alicia Krause]

But I wasn't alive then.

[Adam Carolla]

There are also some people that just don't know anything. They don't know anything. Like, you go, man, that GEICO chick, Flo, man, who's that? The chick from the geico. Progressive. Progressive. Okay, the Iguana, then from the Gecko. From geico. Yeah. I've never seen that commercial. Yes, you've seen. Believe me, you've seen it. Do you watch. You watch football every Sunday. I watch football.

[Jonathan Kite]

You've seen.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never seen that.

[Jonathan Kite]

I go, there's.

[Adam Carolla]

Some people just don't know stuff. They just don't. You're not that person. You know stuff. But because you're homeschooling a little bit of religion and your age, that means I have to kind of pick around a little bit. But you have a background in radio, but you did a talk format, not music.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not an oldies format. So I'm factoring all these things in. That song was ubiquitous probably in some movies and commercials or things of that. And you're an intelligent person, so I knew you knew it.

[Alicia Krause]

Honestly, it was flashbacks to my grandfather's maroon Dodge minivan, listening to Cool FM out of Paris, Texas, when I heard that.

[Adam Carolla]

What was their number two song? That's gonna be a deeper cut.

[Alicia Krause]

I don't think I know that one. Do I know that one, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. You don't care. What's the third song?

[Jonathan Kite]

Hey, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, geez. The Buckinghams Were pretty prolific. What was their fourth one? Mercy, Mercy, Mercy.

[Alicia Krause]

Okay, that's not the. I'm begging you for mercy.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't care. And what was the third one, sir?

[Jonathan Kite]

Hey, baby,

[Adam Carolla]

There's a pretty good chance, you know hey baby, and you don't care is.

[Alicia Krause]

Hey, baby, really slow.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, baby, they're playing our song. The one they used to play when we used to get along. Hey, baby, they're playing our song. Yep. That's. That was not slow at all. And you don't care.

[Jonathan Kite]

Is it.

[Alicia Krause]

Can we go karaoke now?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a great song. I can. I'll do a whole Buckingham set,

[Alicia Krause]

and then I'll do a Fleetwood Max set.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's say I. I think you might know. You don't care. All right, we'll cut it out, but we'll try. This is a coin toss for you.

[Alicia Krause]

Okay.

[Jonathan Kite]

You want.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't care. Hey, baby.

[Vince Vaughn Impression / Character]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't care. It's a good song.

[Alicia Krause]

If you don't love me, why don't you tell me Instead of running around? Got lots of musical intros.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. All right, we got a good second. All right, we can come back. Don't know, don't you. That's a great song, by the way.

[Alicia Krause]

This is reminding me that we should make this a bit on the show every Friday. My kids don't have social or cell phones, but I show them this guy, he's Owen Cutts, I think, on Instagram, and he does Old Music Friday. And he's always like, new music's cool, but have you heard of Old Music Friday? And he gives, like, the musical history behind and the writer and the producer and, like, the music and stuff. And I feel like the Buckinghams could totally be on his list.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, babies. Yeah, they had three. Those were all hits. Although don't yout, Karen, Hey Baby. And they all charted. They all definitely charted. I don't know. They don't get to number one, but they were top ten. I'm gonna say hey, baby, the Planer song and don't yout Care crack the top 10. But we're gonna have to figure that out. 1967. All right. Do you have another news story or not?

[Alicia Krause]

I do. So Governor Ron DeSantis down in Florida. Rumor has it he might be gearing up for another presidential run. By the way, we shall see if that ends up happening. But Florida lawmakers are going to be headed toward a third special session in the coming months because Ron DeSantis is demanding that they take Action on property taxes. And it's the lawmakers can't agree. He's saying, nope, can't go home. Got to come back and do this again and again. To get property tax cuts on the November ballot, lawmakers have to act by August of this year. With 60% support in both chambers, DeSantis said, quote, There will.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, let me just jump in for a second. Don't you guys think that basically other states are essentially doing with citizens and productive citizens and taxpayer and high net worth citizens what they just got done doing with the movie and production industry? Like, somebody went, all the rich people are in California with all the tax base and all the production is in Los Angeles in California. And then at some point, in a relatively shortish period of time, it was 100% production. Watch. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, it's like everything is all, for Christ's sake, they're shooting everything. Spahn Ranch is where they shot westerns. Everything had 100%. Sorry, some in New York, but pretty much 100%. All the studios here, right? And then we started getting kind of greedy. And then New Mexico started going, why don't we offer a couple incentives and see if we can get Breaking Bad Guys to come over and do this here instead of the Antelope Valley or something. And then Vancouver went, I got an idea, why don't we do it? And then Atlanta went, I got an idea, why don't we offer some incentives and we'll drive. And next thing you know, we're sitting around with our thumbs in our mouth going, hello, Hollywood, we want you to come back now. We need you. Don't you think Florida is just doing that with high earners now? I mean, forget the industry. They're just going, hey, this is awesome. We have a bunch of super greedy socialist retarded idiots that are driving all these big taxpayers out and then inviting in all these junkies and illegals who are gonna live for free. So they've gone, like, you know what? Not bad. This is the greatest windfall ever. I mean, if you really think about California, Newsom and Bass and all the people that run this place, they're driving them into the arms of Florida and of Tennessee and of Nevada and of Arizona. And that has got to be the greatest windfall. Like they have to wake up every day pinching themselves that they have a retard like Gavin Newsom destroying California.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah, maybe. But Democrats there said that they need this property tax. And they've actually made the argument that, well, we have all these rich people moving here and they're spending hundreds of millions of dollars on these estates that they're buying. So we need to take this tax revenue and if we don't get the lost property tax revenue, this is the Democrats argument that it will just result in newer taxes locally.

[Adam Carolla]

Elsewhere we have the Mamdani grocery store video, which I very much like. You know what I like most about the vid? The video about free groceries or low cost groceries or whatever they're trying to figure out this time. And I love all the stuff that's going into the shopping cart. You guys want to see what's going in the shopping cart? Have you been to like a low income, subsidized food kind of place? You tell me if you see a lot of greens and carrots and avocados. I see a lot of Shaq's pineapple soda going into that shopping cart. And Nilla wafers. But let's just say this is his version of what it's going to be.

[Jonathan Kite]

New York City, it is time for a grand experiment once again.

[Adam Carolla]

Just as LaGuardia used government to respond to the great. By the way, first off, eggplant. It's got bell pepper, apple, cucumber, eggplant, some bread, celery. Now hold on a second. I argued that the number one thing hanging out of a top of a grocery bag in a sitcom when the roommate came home was a baguette.

[Alicia Krause]

Yes. Or flowers.

[Adam Carolla]

Others argued that it was celery.

[Alicia Krause]

Ooh.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a heated argument. The baguette versus the celery on the fake grocery bag in the sitcom.

[Alicia Krause]

I always felt like it was the baguette.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this is carrots. Okay. This is a low income snap, by the way, the snap. People are all losing their cookies because they can't buy Captain Crunch in Yoohoo.

[Alicia Krause]

What is this person making?

[Adam Carolla]

They're making the horn of plenty.

[Alicia Krause]

Because I'm like, what? Things go together in a recipe in this cart.

[Adam Carolla]

This is how I know this guy's already full of shit. Nobody just pushes. First off, poor people eat like shit. They eat fucking pineapple soda. I am telling you, I did a catch a contractor in a really dicey, like South Central neighborhood. I was trapped in the bathroom the whole time. It was the worst shoot I've ever done. But the trash can in like the back alley, it was literally nothing but pineapple soda cookies. It was all bullshit. It was all empty carbs and bullshit. Nobody's buying tons of beets, tons of celery. Oh, we're Making gazpacho tonight, people.

[Alicia Krause]

Asparagus is expensive too.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why not under mandamis rain free. Oh, it's gonna be free. So what else is going in this bullshit shopping cart? Oh, we got whole bean coffee. No. Will we get to the pineapple soda yet? Eggs. Oh, but turn the sound up. Bananas. Okay, go back. Sorry, go back like 25 seconds. I looked up eggs. They're between 15 and 30 cents a piece. Is that. Are we pricing people out? $1 less than a dollar for a three egg omelet. Is that too much for you? All right, here we go.

[Jonathan Kite]

The city will subsidize a core set of staples. Coffee is core operator, will run the store.

[Adam Carolla]

But the answer to the standards that the city will set. It's funny. All right, so far. Hold on. Has anyone seen any bullshit? Is it's all just been vegetables, fruit. Vegetables, vegetable. Fruit and eggs. That's all we've seen. By the way, they won't show red meat either. Cause that's murder.

[Alicia Krause]

No, that's bad for the environment too.

[Adam Carolla]

It's bad for the environment, right? So right now there's a guy pushing a shopping cart with 40 pounds of raw produce sitting in it. As far as I can tell.

[Alicia Krause]

You know what really scares me about this video? I mean, we are laughing at it. Cause it is comical because we know it's not gonna work. But it's like the city will determine what the core needs are.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah, yeah, it's good.

[Alicia Krause]

That never works.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I'm sorry, you can keep. Oh, eggs are gonna be cheaper. Yeah, eggs and bread like these people fucking. Okay, play it cheaper. Grocery shopping will no longer be an unsolvable equation. And solvable will be treated with dignity. All right, hold on a second. Workers will be treated with dignity. Do you guys get that? Because you know when you go to the Gelsons and you see just the guy from the produce section being strapped by, his manager just got the fucking leather belt out. He's just beating the shit out of them.

[Alicia Krause]

I don't think Zavar's and Gristide's is like beating the workers.

[Adam Carolla]

That workers will be treated with dignity. Okay? So we're gonna have the government mandate dignity, you fucking retard. Jesus Christ. These guys. It's not his fault he's a dope. He's a rich dope.

[Alicia Krause]

But the scary thing is when that rich dope can implement dangerous policies that have negative effects on, I think, one of the greatest cities in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it used to be, but I get it all right. You're running from there. Sorry. Access to food should never be out of order. It would never be an unsolvable equation.

[Jonathan Kite]

And workers will be treated with dignity.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what we mean by a new era. When New Yorkers are being priced out

[Jonathan Kite]

of their groceries, government will step in and deliver. Affordability.

[Alicia Krause]

Why haven't they added more stuff to the cart? It's just moving around now.

[Adam Carolla]

They got what they need. You know, like, you know, like if you're running a. If you had like seven donkeys, I think this might be what would be in your cart. But at some point you're gonna buy a carb or protein, right? Like you're gonna buy some chicken or a steak or some tortillas or something.

[Alicia Krause]

Maybe they're vegan.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the nothing is a coincidence. And they didn't want you throwing, you know, any, you know, any first off, red meat off the table.

[Alicia Krause]

No ground beef in there.

[Adam Carolla]

And I would argue probably just no meat. Like no chicken, no anything.

[Alicia Krause]

But like a pre made rotisserie chicken at the grocery store is like the cheapest and greatest source of protein. Instant protein you can just go get. And it's tasty and delicious and cheap.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you something. You gotta get the garlic paste with that.

[Alicia Krause]

Ooh.

[Adam Carolla]

The garlic paste takes that rotisserie chicken next level. Next, maybe two levels. But the thing about the garlic paste is it's always made with a ton of seed oil, which you want to avoid. But you can look real hard and try to find the stuff that's made with like avocado oil or some different kind of olive oil. But it's real hard to find interesting and you can't find it anywhere. And it's weird how they force that seed oil into everything. And the stuff at Zancoo, which is so good, the whole family killed themselves over it, is also with seed oil.

[Alicia Krause]

That was gonna be my question. That story is insane, by the way. Yes, That's a real long read. But there's been numerous deep dives into it. That story is insane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the Zanku chicken, which is. Which is awesome. I mean, and still affordable.

[Alicia Krause]

Like you can get a family meal. I feel like Zanku and In n Out are the two cheapest and most delicious places to eat in la.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't told it in three years, but maybe five. But I used to go to Zancoo Chicken and I'd get the 50, 50 shawarma plate. They had a shawarma, which is like meat, beef and lamb or something on a Spit. And right next to it. Yeah, the carved with the electric knife. And then right next to it, they had the chicken one, right? And they were both $7.99 at the time. And so what I do is, I'd go, give me a 50, 50. Give me half chicken, half beef. And they go, what? I go, instead of two swipes of the knife on the beef or two swipes of the knife on the chicken, give me one swipe on that one. One swipe on that one. So I go in to the Zancu in Van Nuys on Sepulveda, and there's just a young Armo chick behind the counter. And I go, I'll take the 50. 50 shawarma plate. And she goes, can't do that. And I go, that's what I order every time I come here. She goes, we don't do that. And I go, I know you do it, because that's what I get when I come here. And she goes, we're not gonna do that. I go, it's the same price. Yeah, we don't do the 50. 50. I go, they're right next to each other. They're right next to each other. I'm not saying I want more. I just want the same half and half, half and half. And she goes, yeah, we don't do that. We never do that. And then I go, you do do that, because that's what I order. And I come here all the time. And she goes, number one answer I love for any business. She goes, people ask for it all the time. I go, oh, we know. You should do. You should board up the door and put a Korean on the roof with a hunting rifle, and we can avoid this part where people are coming in asking for stuff and whatnot. So I go, listen to me. You do do it. I always order it. This way it doesn't cost anymore, so can you please just do it? And she goes, not gonna do it. She's like 17 with way too much eye makeup on. And I go, you know what? I go, can you just do it? And she goes, I can't do it. I could get fired. I could get into trouble. I go, you know what? I go, okay, I'll tell you what. Go get your manager. Let me talk to your manager. She goes, not here. I go, well, how are you gonna get into trouble? How are you gonna get into trouble?

[Alicia Krause]

I'm not gonna report you for doing the thing that I'll be gone.

[News Reporter / Commentator]

50.

[Adam Carolla]

50 shawarma play. She goes, not gonna do it. And I go, well, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm leaving and I'm driving to the one on Western off of Sunset in like deep Los Angeles, which is about a 45 minute drive.

[Alicia Krause]

Why would you come to Glendale?

[Adam Carolla]

This is 25, 30 years ago. I don't think they had.

[Alicia Krause]

I mean, they didn't have as many locations.

[Adam Carolla]

I was literally. I was a carpenter. I wasn't a rich guy back then. This is 30 years ago. I go, screw you. I'm going to the one in the one off of Western and Sunset. Like, I mean, LA traffic, the biggest waste of time ever. But I got a little something called dignity. And she goes, that's their policy too. I go, it is not. It is not their policy. It's you doing it. And she's like, see you later, by the way. I don't know who these people are. Armos are super angry all the time. So I go walking out, I drive for 45 minutes, sitting in traffic, Pull up to the one that's in the little strip mall.

[Alicia Krause]

You must be hangry at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm hangry. I'm really hangritated. And I go, the guy's behind the counter, I just go, give me a 50, 50 shawarma plate. And he goes, want something to drink with that? And I go, you bitch. You little bitch. You fucking bitch. You bitch. But why? Why? Who are these people? Who are these people? Who are they? Who are they? Why do they exist?

[Alicia Krause]

I think they go on to be nurses, flight attendants and public school teachers.

[Adam Carolla]

The other place that let me know how bad, how angry armos were is I went to Al Wazir once and I got a falafel plate. That was in Hollywood, going up the hill. I go, just give me a falafel sandwich. And he goes, okay. He goes, that's 599. And I go, oh, I got a credit card. He goes, minimum order with credit card is $10. I go, I don't have any cash. But you know what? Just charge the 10 on the credit card. Can't do that. I go, no, no, you misunderstand it. Just, what's the minimum on the credit? 10 bucks. What's the sandwich? $6 I get. Just charge me 10, charge me, charge me 10. Can't do that. I go, what do you mean you can't do it? Just charge the credit card the minimum amount and I'll take the falafel and I'll go up to the house. Can't do it. Not gonna do it. I go, I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm saying, charge the whole amount of the credit card, and I'll just take the sandwich. Not gonna do it. The person next to me was a woman. She goes, get some baklava. Pat it out with baklava. And I said, no, I'm not padding it out with baklava. It's a tip. I'll give you a tip. Just give me the sandwich. He already made the sandwich. He goes, no. I go, I don't get. Do you love saying no more than you like money? Because that is that culture. And he's like, no. And then I would go. I go, then keep the sandwich. I'll take my credit card and I'll leave. He's like, then leave. I'm like, oh, my God. By the way, no wonder that fucking region is a shitbox all the time. It's got a bunch of them trying to figure things out. That's their negotiation skills. Jesus Christ.

[Alicia Krause]

I would argue in defense of my Armenian friends that the good ones come here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the good ones come here. All right, Friday, Saturday, Las Vegas, over at Kimmel's. That'll be May 8, May 9, four shows. And then Thursday, Covina special mystery guest, Alicia Krause. How's that guest?

[Alicia Krause]

Really exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

Really exciting.

[Alicia Krause]

May or may not be somebody in the know.

[Adam Carolla]

Laugh Factory. That'll be the 14th. And then off to Visalia, the 15th at the Fox Theater. And then State Theater 16. Saturday. Why shouldn't I work a weekend? Go to imcro.com for all the info. What do you got?

[Alicia Krause]

Alicia Crouse on the usual. Check me out over on Daily Wire and the Socials.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So until next time, this is Adam Crawford, Alicia Krause, and Jonathan Kite saying mahalo.

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[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Alicia Krause]

This is the mic mindset. Free. This is the mantra.

[Adam Carolla]

Free.

[Alicia Krause]

This is the.

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[Adam Carolla]

Huzzah.

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[Alicia Krause]

When it's time to scale your business. It's time for Shopify. Get everything you need to grow the way you want. Like, all the way. Stack more sales with the best converting checkout on the planet. Track your cha chings from every channel right in one spot and turn real time reporting into big time opportunities. Take your business to a whole new level. Switch to Shopify.

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[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Alicia Krause]

This is the mindset.

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This is the mantra. Free.

[Alicia Krause]

This is the mindset. Mindset.

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[Adam Carolla]

Huzzah.

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Pluto TV stream now pay. Never.