LIVE from the Sagebrush Cantina with Brad Williams and Rick Sittig

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show

Live from the Sagebrush Cantina with Brad Williams & Rick Sittig

Date: December 22, 2025
Location: Sagebrush Cantina, Calabasas, CA
Guests: Comedian Brad Williams, advertising legend & Jack in the Box voice Rick Sittig, Rudy Povich
Main event: Live variety show with comedy banter, advertising insights, segments with audience interaction, and a "first time" stand-up set by Rick Sittig.

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Episode Overview

This lively, in-person episode of the Adam Carolla Show takes place in front of an enthusiastic Calabasas crowd, combining Adam’s trademark sharp wit and unscripted comedy with stand-up sets, hilarious audience interaction, and a unique look at the world of advertising. Comedian Brad Williams returns with his fearless humor, while Rick Sittig—longtime ad-man and the iconic voice of Jack from Jack in the Box—joins for stories and his first attempt at live stand-up. The night also features riffing on pop culture, ugly sweater contests, and plenty of irreverent takes on holiday traditions.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

Early Banter and Live Show Energy

• Adam Carolla (03:37): Instead of delaying, Adam immediately brings up Brad Williams, revealing their onscreen chemistry and setting the episode’s irreverent, fast-paced tone.
• Brad Williams (04:47): Opens with cheeky observations about the largely white Calabasas crowd:
  • "Nice to see such a diverse group of white people here in Calabasas. I'm seeing all kinds of whites out here. This is amazing."

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Dwarf and Nanny Jokes, Parental Memories

• Brad and Adam riff on Guatemalan nannies (05:36–08:17):
  • Jokes about the prevalence of Guatemalan nannies in their kids' lives and make playful, outlandish comparisons to athletic “factories.”
  • Adam: "It's a nanny factory that Guatemala is... Lot of first rounders coming out of Guatemala." (07:03–07:21)

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“Scurrying” & Predator Concerns—Brad on Living as a Dwarf

• Riff about the house cat as a “predator” for dwarfs (08:20–09:36):
  • Brad, deadpan: "As a dwarf, a house cat can be a predator for my people."
  • The guys have fun with the theme, building it into a running joke about audience indifference to a dwarf/cat abduction (“They’d film it for TikTok.”)

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Carolla’s Critique: Fast Food Culture and Parenting

• Adam on DoorDash and fast food convenience for kids (13:56–15:53):
  • Reminisces about the first time his daughter “door-dashed” Taco Bell and how easy contemporary life is.
  • Sarcastically: "Could you imagine pitching that to your family as a 9-year-old?... get some poor depressed middle aged woman to bring this straight to her highness's knees.”
• Latino nannies and discipline (16:26–17:26):
  • Adam tells a story about his daughter spitting on her nanny and the immediate slap that followed, calling it a positive lesson in boundaries.

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Identity Politics & Marginalized Olympics

• Complex breakdown of “status” in identity hierarchies (17:56–18:36):
  • Adam: "Guatemalan is above Chinese because the Chinese are doing okay....then you have disabled with dwarfism, and that leapfrogs you ahead...."
• Lesbian privilege riffs (18:36–19:24):
  • Both joke about how lesbianism can be “sprinkled” later in life, turning serious privilege hierarchies into comedic absurdity.

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Bar Fights: Who Gets Helped?

• Brad's "thought experiment" (21:29–22:32):
  • If a dwarf fights a woman in a parking lot, who does bystanders help?
  • Adam: “The only answer is masturbate.” (22:19, outrageous, crowd-pleasing punchline)

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New Orleans & Embarrassing “Party” Stories

• Adam’s Tommy Lasorda Mardi Gras float story (22:55–25:34):
  • The hilarity of distributing 5,000 beads featuring Lasorda’s face.
• Brad’s strip club “cocaine on my dick” saga (26:07–28:47):
  • Brad: “Then she proceeds to do the drug off my dick ... which I thought, here's the wonderful part about being a comedian... it's a great five minutes.”

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“Blah Blah Blah” Ping Pong Ball Segment

• Random topics drawn and riffed:

  • Epiphany:

    • Adam: “Sounds like the name of a black girl... there’s got to be a black girl named Epiphany, right?” (31:33–31:56)
    • Adam’s tale of the cursed air-conditioning in his Toyota Supra—a metaphor for working-class struggles (32:07–37:56)

  • Popup Books:

    • Joint takedown of children’s entertainment as “hacks who can’t entertain adults.”
    • Adam: "Anyone who creates art for children: you are not heroes, you’re hacks." (39:07)

  • Loveline:

    • Brad: Remembers as a teen, Adam’s show was the “closest thing to porn” available on the radio.
    • "You guys are lucky I don't have a boner right now. Just a Pavlov dog reaction." (43:08–43:36, Brad)

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The Jack in the Box Segment ft. Rick Sittig (44:25)

• Voice Reveal:
  • Audience is told to close their eyes as Rick does his iconic “Jack” voice:
    • Rick: “Hi, I’m Jack, founder of Jack in the Box.” (45:15)
• Ad legend credentials:
  • Rick’s team created the Jack campaign after an E.coli crisis, voiced Jack because clients insisted.
  • Also created the Energizer Bunny and the “Helpful Honda guy,” and worked on myriad campaigns.

Mini Sirloin Burgers, Dwarfs, and Don Rickles

• Brad shares how a Jack in the Box campaign with dwarfs led to his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live and an iconic Don Rickles encounter (48:25–50:50):
  • Rickles’ quote: "Stop smoking." (50:48)
  • Brad: "Now that's pretty much an acting credit on my reel." (67:25)

Advertising Campaign Rants

• Weakest and strongest ads discussed:
  • Adam goes after UPS’s “What can Brown do for you?” and Pepsi’s tone-deaf Kendall Jenner moment (53:59)
  • Rick: “I’m going to say the worst advertising...would be Dylan Mulvaney or the Bud Light can.” (54:34)
  • Carolla (re: Subaru): “The Subaru commercials are eerie harbingers of our pussy future...all it is is a mixed race lesbian couple who adopted a sheep talking about love.” (56:16)

Discussion of Divisive Marketing

• Brad: “Now it’s happening...Subaru has the lesbian couple with the dogs and then Dodge Ram is the conservative truck for conservative males...there, we're actually doing that now.” (59:44)

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Rick Sittig’s First Stand-Up Set

(79:16–89:50, highlights below):

• Desert camping riff: "Camping is like incest. You have to grow up doing it with your family to think it's okay." (80:42)
• Airline joke: "Book a flight with a blind nine-year-old quadriplegic, Make-A-Wish pilot... you can fly Louisiana to Honolulu first class for $11." (81:38)
• Colonoscopy joke: "Fortunately for Brad Pitt, he'll be under anesthesia so he won't remember anything. But the proctologist, who's still in the closet, will cherish this moment forever." (84:03)
• Relationship advice: “There’s a couple ways to end an air conditioning fight… just bash the hell out of everything, or apologize and book a cruise, then push her overboard.” (87:54)
• Feedback from Adam & Brad:
  • Adam: “The Subaru joke...that's probably, probably the strongest... try to create more like it. That was strong.” (88:42)
  • Brad, quoting Twain: "If I had more time, I would have written you a shorter book." (89:22)
  • Brad: “That is amazing. You did a very, very po...”

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News & Final Segments with Rudy Povich

(92:31–106:10)

• Trump naming rights bit:
  • “He is going to have his name on more than Jack in the Box. Probably. Technically, Trump in the Box.” (93:12–93:19, Rudy & Adam)
• Presidential “dick pics” era prediction:
  • “There will be a time...where we will have seen both presidential candidates’ dicks.” (95:05, Brad)
• Riffs on celebs (Machine Gun Kelly, Pete Davidson):
  • Brad: “This is what the black community dreams of: three white people talking about a rap feud with two white rappers.” (98:32)
• Ugly Sweater Contest:
  • Audience judged, playful banter as Adam MCs:
    • “You guys turn around and show the audience all of what you got. And this is, this is strong.” (108:35, Adam)
    • Winning couple had custom ornaments with Adam & Brad’s faces; third place had a Velcro ball drinking game built into the sweater.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla on Children’s Entertainers:

  • "Anyone who creates art for children: you are not heroes, you’re hacks who can’t entertain adults." (39:07)

• Brad Williams on DoorDash Culture:

  • “Could you imagine pitching that to your family as a 9-year-old?... get some poor depressed middle aged woman to bring this straight to her highness's knees.” (15:02)

• Adam Carolla on Identity Politics:

  • "Guatemalan is above Chinese because the Chinese are doing okay....then you have disabled with dwarfism, and that leapfrogs you ahead...." (17:56)

• Rick Sittig's Adman Wisdom:

  • "The guy that came up with [the Jack in the Box taco] is a genius because he found a way to sell something for $0.59 that costs about $0.04 to make." (65:46)

• Brad Williams (first Jack voice reveal):

  • “Dinklage is out here taking the dwarfs out of Snow White. This man's here saying, let's put the dwarfs into fast food. Advertising, this man's a goddamn hero.” (48:25)

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Timestamped Memorable Moments

• Brad’s “cocaine off my dick” story: 26:07–28:47
• Adam’s “first DoorDash sighting”: 13:56–15:53
• Rick Sittig as “Jack” for the first time live: 45:15
• Brad & Adam dismantle the children’s entertainment industry: 39:07–39:50
• Rick’s stand-up, “Camping is like incest…” punchline: 80:42
• Audience ugly sweater contest: 106:25–110:29

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is fast, edgy, irreverent, and highly interactive, driven by Adam and Brad’s witty banter, free-form riffs, and “anything goes” crowd work. Rick Sittig’s deadpan delivery and advertising industry lore balance the lewd with the clever, while the live audience and random segments keep energy high throughout.

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For New Listeners

This episode exemplifies why The Adam Carolla Show remains a favorite in the comedy podcast world: sharp, unapologetic takes on everyday life, pop culture, and the absurdities of modern America, with a no-limits approach to humor and a unique mix of world-class guests, audience participation, and spontaneous, highly quotable laughs.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this episode is live from the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas, California. And Brad Williams, very funny. Brad's on there. We got some blah, blah, blah. We're gonna do some ping pong balls in the hopper. The guy who came up with and is the voice of Jack in the Box. That guy, that voice, that guy's major advertising guy. Interesting guy. He's gonna do five minutes of standup in this show. It's going to be a party. So we'll do all that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Bowl season is here and Bet Online gives you more ways to play. The latest odds, breaking news, live scores and in game betting so you never miss a moment of college football bowls, NFL playoff races. It's all there, all the time. Every bowl matchup, NFL late season games all the way to NBA hardwood battles, college hoops tip offs. Bet Online has you locked in all year long. And if you love UFC fights and NHL futures, bet Online is the place to get in on all of the action. And when it's time to switch gears, dive into Betonline's casino, packed with hundreds of the hottest slots, classic table games, live dealers and massive jackpots waiting to be hit. And don't forget the VIP program with exclusive level up bonuses, weekly cash boosts and and rewards design for serious players. Head to Betonline today because at betonline, the game starts here. Tv stream Pluto TV for free.

[Brad Williams]

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[Brad Williams]

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[Adam Carolla]

From the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, Brad Williams, advertising legend Rick Siddig and the news with Rudy Poppich.

[Brad Williams]

Plus an ugly sweater contest and a spirited round of blah, blah, blah.

[Adam Carolla]

And now, always miserable but never depressed, Adam Corona. Ah, thank you. Thank you so much. It's great to be here with you guys. Getting close to the holidays and all that good stuff. I will say that normally when we do these live shows, I come out and do about 10, maybe 15 minutes, and then I bring on our first guest. But I like my first guest so much, and he's so funny that I thought I'd just bring him in. Right. Right at the top. Brad Williams, everybody.

[Brad Williams]

All right, now everyone's going to hold their breath as I try to climb into this chair. All right. If there was an Olympic event, I'd be killing it in that.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually.

[Brad Williams]

Hi.

[Adam Carolla]

He usually uses a pro wrestler to get him up into that chair.

[Brad Williams]

But nice to see such a diverse group of white people here in Calabasas. I'm seeing all kinds of whites out here. This is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're not all the same.

[Brad Williams]

I'm seeing some with Swedish heritage, German heritage. It's a real melting pot of different kinds of casseroles.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a melting pot of large marshmallows and mini marshmallows all in the same.

[Brad Williams]

No one can appreciate a mini marshmallow more than me. Adam Carolla, let me tell you. Or as I like to call them, marshmallows.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's a two hand lift for Brad.

[Brad Williams]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a bend at the knee type lift for Brad. He hurt his back lifting a mini marshmallow once, I remember.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. I will say there is one person that color that I know who is in the audience because my child's old nanny is in the audience and she's from Guatemala. Yeah, There she is right there. She's wiped my baby's ass. Look at that woman. She. She. She wiped an Asian dwarf ass. So I don't know. My wife's Chinese. Okay. That's why the baby's okay. You do the math. All right, so she has wiped an Asian dwarf ass, which means she got three wishes. So that is. Look at it right there. Good to see you again. What a surprise. That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I had a Guatemalan nanny.

[Brad Williams]

You did?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

They're like, wait, you personally, like, your parents got a Guatemalan nanny for you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. My parents spent $4 on me.

[Rick Siddig]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I was raised in the yard, chained up next to the dog.

[Brad Williams]

The dog got water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He got his own bowl. I had to drink from the creek, steal my clothes off the clothesline of the neighbors. Like a convict who escaped from prison.

[Brad Williams]

I imagine you're drinking from a bowl of water that has the previous dog's name on it that died.

[Adam Carolla]

My. My kids had Olga, the Guatemalan nanny, which I Like so.

[Brad Williams]

So sounds like a wonderful character in a kid's television show. And now we bring in Olga, the Guatemalan nanny. It's like a knockoff of Peewee's Playhouse.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a. It's a nanny factory that Guatemala is. You know, there's certain, like Nebraska has a good program. Oklahoma. And they go, that's a quarterback factory. That part of Pennsylvania. You got the grunge scene coming out of Seattle. Th percent you got the nanny scene coming out of Guatemala.

[Brad Williams]

It's a strong nanny factory.

[Adam Carolla]

Lot of first rounders coming out of Guatemala. A lot of hall of fame. A lot of nanny hall of famers.

[Brad Williams]

Got myself a blue chipper right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. First round. Blew her knee out, warming up a bottle. Not played with the kind of intensity since then. Little sheepish. Lost her first step toward the crib.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Lifted up an Asian dwarf child. Torn acl. Torn acl. It was very sad. Did not anticipate how heavy the kid would be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. To put my nanny on waiver, she was picked up by Jewish family in the Santa Monica area. They gave her a look, but they cut her too. She had a cup of coffee in the game, but they kicked her down.

[Brad Williams]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Aaa she's now nanning semi retarded adults, you know, trying to. Trying to make. Trying to get by. He's got to make a living.

[Brad Williams]

We have.

[Adam Carolla]

She's getting back in the game.

[Brad Williams]

We have on the stage right now, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there's a cat.

[Brad Williams]

There's a random cat on the stage. All right. You know, normally when you have pussy on the stage, it's a good thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we got the ping pong balls, so we're halfway. Yeah, we're halfway to a Vietnamese whorehouse.

[Brad Williams]

I'm actually scared because as a dwarf, a house cat can be a predator for my people.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Like if that cat decides he'll be sitting in the first chair. Chair instead of me, I can't put up much of a fight.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, that's a formidable. It's really no different than a full sized puma coming at me. Yeah. My point scale, scale wise, I. I.

[Brad Williams]

Think the problem is that both mice and dwarves scurry.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they go after scurry.

[Brad Williams]

Yes. So if I started running, it would like be triggered and be like, that's, that's my prey. And then you guys would do nothing. If a cat picked me up and just walked out the door, you would do fucking nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, hold on, hold on. You don't know my audience, Brad. They Would film it. Are you kidding?

[Brad Williams]

That'd be a viral TikTok.

[Adam Carolla]

The Internet would explode if there's a cat dragging your limp corpse out of this building.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, a cat. A cat would pick me up, and then you. And then you'll be like that feeling you get when a cat drags off a dwarf. And then you do the John Ham dance in the nightclub. That's what you all would do if you get that joke. That's a great joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, let me say this in terms of scurrying, okay? Because I. I do. I do have a thought. You know, there are animals that do not have a middle speed. It's like a cockroach is either still or running a thousand miles an hour. You don't see jogging cockroaches. You know, you don't sashay. They don't jog. You don't see, like, oh, I turned on the light in the kitchen, middle of the night, and I saw this one cockroach sort of moving in a decent clip, but not really all out.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all trying to set a record in the 40 with the nanny combine, which, by the way, we'll get into later, because my nanny put up 225. 18 times.

[Brad Williams]

That's amazing. It's a solid blue ch.

[Adam Carolla]

So cats don't really scurry. I mean, they take off or that kind of thing. Cockroaches are either sedentary or they're gone. Alligators don't move for months and then are on top of you.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

I have never seen a dwarf going half speed. I've never seen a jogging dwarf. I feel like you guys are dead. Your ice sculptures or your fucking Speedy Gonzalez.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Now that is. I mean, you. You have figured out a stereotype about my people beyond. Beyond just making cookies.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Brad Williams]

Like, we are not. I'm very triggered by all the holiday decorations. I feel like I should be working at something different. I see holiday decorations, I'm like, is there a train that needs to be put together somewhere? Like, I feel like it's my instinct kicking in.

[Adam Carolla]

And people make a lot of jokes at Brad's expense just because he lives in a tree. Yeah, but I defend you, Brad.

[Brad Williams]

No, thank you. Thank you. But. But. But you're right. We are not a scurrying people, because we're either sedentary, having fun, you know, or there's a hawk, and that's a predator you got. So we have to take off. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You hope the hawk goes for the cat. That's chasing you first.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And not for you, because it's a real Sophie's choice for that hawk.

[Brad Williams]

Do you guys realize that if a hawk picked me up, you guys would all just think, yeah, I've seen Game of Thrones. That's how they travel.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, once again, they would snap into action by filming it. But you bring up a good point, because I actually wrote something down I wanted to get into with you because I, I, I, I thought of this and I felt better about myself, which is.

[Brad Williams]

Well, that's the goal.

[Adam Carolla]

I was, it is. I, I was at the beach. I was staying at a nice place at the beach, and somebody in the, like, cabana next to me ordered the room service breakfast and then just left it out on their sort of sun deck.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And went back into the room. And eventually I saw some seagulls coming around. Okay. And what was on the plate? Because I was thinking about going over the wall and eating it.

[Brad Williams]

I was about to say was, I know you.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're like, ooh, ooh, free food. It was fresh. A bunch of fresh berries. And then like french fries. And the seagull didn't go near the berries, went right for the fries. And I thought, all of God's creatures love carbs. It's not just us who wants the fries over the healthy stuff.

[Brad Williams]

We crave it.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody wants the shit. The seagulls want the shit too. And then also I started thinking, seagulls have been around probably for millions of years. What did their ancestors eat before there were dumpsters and french fries and like the pier, you know what I mean? Like, there must be old time seagulls sitting around going, these kids foraging for fries and tater tots. You sicken me. We used to be birds of prey.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now look at you, sitting around dumpster.

[Brad Williams]

We were chasing, not hanging out behind it and in and out, just waiting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you all praying for McNucket. That's all you want.

[Brad Williams]

Old seagulls look at the young seagulls the same way you look at your kids when they door dash Taco Bell.

[Adam Carolla]

I want you to know I know exactly where I was the first time I realized you could door dash fast food. It was 10 years ago and I walked out of my front. It was a Saturday and I walked out of my front door and I froze in my tracks because a middle aged woman was holding a Taco Bell bag and walking toward me with purpose with a Taco Bell bag. And I didn't recognize her. And I was like, where are you going? She Just, she had her earbuds in or something. She was walking, walking right at me.

[Brad Williams]

You thought she was going to pull a piece of paper out of the Taco Bell back?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brad Williams]

They didn't here in Calabasas, they didn't get the Taco Bell joke. They're like, taco Bell. What is this establishment that you speak of?

[Adam Carolla]

We don't go below Chipotle, bro.

[Brad Williams]

We have passed laws to keep the Taco Bells out.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean there's cheaper than Chipotle?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, no, but then as soon, as soon as I said, you've been served, they're like, we've all been there. Exactly. You got, you gotta know your audience, Adam. You gotta know your audience.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this, this legal document smells like a bell beef or what's up? Yeah, and she just walked up to me and she handed me Taco Bell. And I was like, thank you, kind stranger. She was like, somebody at this house bought fast food and had an adult bring it to them. And it was my daughter. Could you imagine pitching that to your family as like a 9 year old? Like, hey, old fucks, know what I'm in the mood for? Something with fake cheese and lots of canola oil. Well, you know what? I'm not in the mood for moving. So why don't I just pick up this device you pay for and I'll just log on in and I'll get some poor depressed middle aged woman to bring this straight to her highness's knees.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I'll indulge it and eat. And when I'm done, I'll just throw it down. We'll get the Guatemala nanny in here and if she doesn't do a good job cleaning up, we'll get another bitch from Guatemala. Because that place rolls deep with nannies.

[Brad Williams]

I imagine that's got to be like the ad from, I think it was either the 70s or the 80s where the American Indian with the single tier coming down. See, seeing someone litter. That would be a Guatemalan nanny seeing someone eat Taco Bell, right? Yeah. Just like that is not food of my people.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I do like the fact that the Latino women don't fuck around, which I appreciate, because one time my nanny, when my daughter was about two or three, my nanny came up to me when I, when I walked in the house and said, look, I have to tell you something, something. And I was like, what? She goes, I smacked your daughter. And I said, why? And she said, she spit on me. And I said, good. And I went in the next room by the way guess who's never spit on another Guatemalan. She has had a successful 17 year run of not spitting on Guatemalans. Yeah, because an eighth of a second after the spit hit me, the nanny's face, the nanny's hand hit my daughter's face and there was no more spitting activity ever again. Lesson learned, everyone. That's how you fucking create a society. That's how you teach people. It's fine.

[Brad Williams]

There you go. Well, my Guatemala nanny never slapped my daughter because as an Asian dwarf, that would have been a hate crime. Oh, God, yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Would have had her on the front page.

[Brad Williams]

Who, who, who would, who would the Huffington Post support? They'd be so torn. They're like, oh, it's a Guatemalan. And we love them, we got to support them. But here is he, here is a disabled child and they're getting in a fight. Who do they support? Oh, what is Sophie?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, listen, I don't want to get a dry race board out, but Guatemalan is above Chinese because the Chinese are doing okay. They're affluent. So you got the guys, Guatemalan part, then you have the female part, but the female part's a push. But then you have the disabled with the dwarfism, and that leapfrogs you ahead of the Guatemalan female status. I, I got the chart in the car. We can look at it after the show. I keep a laminate in my wallet sometimes. And if it turned out the nanny was lesbian, then you could claw above the Chinese disabled daughter.

[Brad Williams]

That's very true.

[Adam Carolla]

So you always have the lesbian in your hip pocket.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, just.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, there's nobody that ever denies lesbianism.

[Brad Williams]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, yeah, I can't claim, like, if, honestly, like, if I go, oh, yeah, I used to suck off my roommate in college. I go, get the out of here. But if you go, yeah, I used to go down on my roommate back in the day. Would go, really? Tell me more. Yeah, I totally. Slowly, slowly, slow it down. Lesbian. Okay. And by the way, you can go lesbian on your 51st birthday as a woman, you. You can make it into middle age and just decide you're a lesbian the next day.

[Brad Williams]

That doesn't work for dudes. Yeah, the lesbians have an advantage of. They can do a dusting of lesbian.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brad Williams]

Sprinkle of lesbian.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, like paprika.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

On a deviled egg, you know, just a little bit. Just to bring the flavor out.

[Brad Williams]

Just a little bit. Men, Men can't Men can't do, like, yeah, you know, I sucked, like, eight, nine. And I was like, not for me. You know what I mean? Like, they can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I think maybe David Bowie was the.

[Brad Williams]

Only guy, but David Bowie, Mick Jagger, they were both like.

[Adam Carolla]

But you know what a lot of that is? A lot of that is. It's not the artist thing. A lot of it is the hairless waif model thing. You're sort of halfway to chicken already there. But also, it's the brain British thing.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't be from Van Nuys and try to pull that off.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

People tell you, get the out of here. Hey, Major Tom, get the out of here.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, Van Nuys, Calabasas is a neighborhood just south of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they have the establishment called Taco Bell.

[Brad Williams]

Taco Bell. They have a Taco Bell there. That's where it comes from. From.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can drive your automobile through something called a drive through, where they hand you the food through the window. A nice heavy set Latina will hand you the food through the window, and you'll be out of there for well under $12.

[Brad Williams]

Can you imagine Calabasas? I know you're like, where is this? Where is this Van Nuys that you speak of? If you follow your nanny's home.

[Rick Siddig]

Home.

[Brad Williams]

That's where they go. They go to Van Nuys. All right? They don't live here in Calabasas. All right? They're like, no, they live up in Ventura. No, no, no, no, no, no, they don't. There's a level below Ventura.

[Adam Carolla]

Another easy way to do it if you don't have a Guatemalan nanny to lead the way. I see a lot of hawks. Follow the hawk. Follow the. The hawk south until it turns into a crow. When it turns into a crow, you're in van eyes. That's how you know.

[Brad Williams]

Yes, that is very true.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a little surreal. But, you know, Brad likes a surreal joke every once in a while.

[Brad Williams]

I like a surreal joke, but. But I also like that what. What you brought up of. Of the tears of the rating system. Because I always wondered. All right, Because I've gotten, like. If you walk outside of a bar and you're going to your car in the parking lot and you see a man in a fight with a woman, you will instinctively go in there and help the woman. You will start beating up the guy. You will join. You will try to break it up. You will help the woman. If you walk outside of a bar to a parking lot and you see an Average sized person kicking my ass. You will run and instinctively help me because you thought, well, that dwarf is innocent in this whole thing. What do you do if I'm fighting a woman? That is what I'm trying to say. Who do you help? Who do you instinctively help? I don't know what's happening here. I think it's a thought experiment.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the only answer is masturbate. That's really. That's all we can do at this point.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't choose sides. You have to just sort of enjoy.

[Brad Williams]

Just enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Loosen that belt and enjoy the holidays.

[Brad Williams]

And be like, I never knew this pornhub category existed. And then that becomes your new fetish.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Usher can no longer come unless there's a woman fighting a dwarf in his bedroom.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, speaking of naughty tales, Brad, we were, we're backstage and we're talking about. We were New Orleans.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it reminded me of this crazy story that one time Jimmy Kimmel and I went out to New Orleans to be the grand marshal of a parade for. You know, and it was, it was Mardi Gras. And the thing that was funny about it is I've told the story for. But it's bizarre. Tommy Lasorda was supposed to be the grand marshal and of this parade. And you're supposed. You get on a float for some reason. Everything that has to do with the float and Mardi Gras. A pirate out. It's a pirate ship. You're getting a pirate outfit.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And Tommy Lasorda was the grand marshal. He was going to be on the pirate ship. And at the last moment he dropped out.

[Brad Williams]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And the call went into Jimmy and I and we were going to do some man show bits out there anyway. So we said, fine, we'll fill in for Tommy Lasorda to be the grand marshal of the parade on the pirate ship. But there was a problem, which is the beads with the medallions that you throw out to all the people in New Orleans. They'd already made up 5,000 units of the one with a huge Tommy Lasorda medallion on it. Now you gotta picture what Tommy Lasorda's face looks like stenciled into a 3 inch coaster medallion on some plastic beads.

[Brad Williams]

To be fair, he, you, you can maybe pass Tommy Lasorda for the baby in a baby King Cake.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Like, it's really slightly, it's really weird, but that's what we had to hand out. So it's Kimmel and I on a pirate ship and we're going down the middle main Thoroughfare. And I'm just throwing these beads and I'm throwing them as far as I can at everybody. And there's people up on a frame ladders, by the way. They do something with their kids that we and you and Calabasas would never allow for your precious seven year old honky son or daughter to do. They put them on top of an 8 foot, a frame ladder and they put a basketball hoop around their neck. And you basically are split, supposed to chuck beads that are from China and covered with sars and came from Wuhan Ex. Athletes are supposed to be up on these, these, these things. Jose Canseco is supposed to chuck these beads 75 yards until it hits your kid in the face and goes down and falls to the hoop. Well, he's on an eight foot ladder. That's what we do with our kids, we use them as bait for beads.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we're chucking these Tommy Lasorda beads ever. And everyone had caught it, had the exact same expression, which they grabbed the beads, they started celebrating, they were going nuts. And then you'd see him look down at the medallion of Tommy Lasorda. It didn't even have his name on it. Just look at it. And they go, what the fuck? And then they'd look up and then I'd be on the pirate ship going out of range going, I can't explain, I can't. It's a story time. We don't have time to circle the pirate ship back. But Brad's story is much better than mine.

[Brad Williams]

Well, this will be slightly embarrassing to tell in front of my daughter's former nanny, but what the fuck? Here we go. Okay, one time back when I was single, I, I did a gig in New Orleans and there, there used to be this wonderful establishment on Bourbon street called Scores Strip Club. Okay? And see, now every guy in here who's with his wife is like, try not to nod, try not to nod, try not to nod and smile. But it was a wonderful gentleman's club. And I went there and one of the dancers thought, well, that's something I haven't seen before. And she came up to me and said, do you like to party? And I was like, 25, 26. I didn't know that that was code for anything. I was just like, yeah, I like to party. I'm in New Orleans. And she's like, come to the bathroom with me. We're gonna go party. And I'm like, fuck, yeah, we're gonna go party. Wait in a bathroom. What happens in a Bathroom. And then I'm in the bathroom, and she starts taking out the cocaina, okay? The Colombian bam, bam. Not from Guatemala. That's a good country.

[Rick Siddig]

So.

[Brad Williams]

And she's like, we don't have a table to do this cocaine. And I'm just like, I have never done this before. I don't know what I'm like. I don't. And she looks at me, she goes, get your dick hard. And I go, what on command? Who do you think I am? But it's a stripper from scores. And I'm 25, so I was already fucking there.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Brad Williams]

So then she proceeds to do the drug off my dick. I don't say cock. It's not big enough for the cock. Okay? It's not like. And it was no long huff. It was like she was a freeze.

[Adam Carolla]

She got a freeze off your dick?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, it was like. Just like that. That was the entire length. And then after she's done the drug in question, she. She looks at me, she goes, I want you to have sex with me in this bathroom. And I'm like, hell, yeah. This is awesome. And then because I had cocaine on my dick, that part of me did not function anymore. So I have a naked score stripper in front of me begging for sex, and I can't do anything. Which I thought, here's the wonderful part about being a comedian. When that happens to one of you guys, it's the worst day of your life. For me, I'm like, this is gonna be a great five minutes. Next week, one day 15 years in the future, I will be at an outdoor tent in Calabasas, California, and this bit's gonna fucking crush.

[Adam Carolla]

Celebrating the birth of our Lord. Yes, Hims. Hair. Hair loss isn't just about hair. It's about how you feel when you look in the mirror. I know the feeling. Trying to figure out what actually works for hair loss. It's confusing as hell. That's why I like Hims. These guys are great. They give you clear solutions, expert guidance, and an online process that fits your life and schedule. These components can stop hair loss and even regrow some hair in as little as three to six months. Think of hims as your digital front door to getting back to your old self with a trusted treatment. And it's all in one place. It's hims. Right, Dawson. For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and more, visit himss.comadam that's hims.comadam. for your free online visit himss.comadam. individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. Featured products include compound drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness. This or quality prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. Homes.com oh, man, I'm a fan. Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. I agree with those people. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's at. Homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched. To highlight the personality of each neighborhood, homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home right away. Great. And if you're just an enthusiast like me, you can just get on there and browse around, kick some tires. Nice. See what's going on in the marketplace. Homes.com. we've done your homework. All right. You want to grab a couple of balls from the hopper?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, why'd I sit over here? Jesus. All right, all right. Mike Dawson, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson will do it.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, Dawson.

[Adam Carolla]

You can pull them. You pull them down.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, you pull them, Dawson. Here, take a microphone. And with those golden pipes of yours, there's.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to go reverse, I think is how it goes.

[Brad Williams]

There we go.

[Adam Carolla]

An arrow on there. All right, whatever word it is, we.

[Brad Williams]

We'Ll, we'll riff on it. Epiphany.

[Adam Carolla]

Epiphany now sounds like the name of a black girl.

[Brad Williams]

And now in the first draft pick in the wnba.

[Adam Carolla]

And the nanny All Star league. Epiphany from Guatemala.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Epiphany Jones from the Las Vegas Aces, everybody. Have you ever had.

[Adam Carolla]

There's got to be a black girl named Epiphany, right?

[Brad Williams]

Have you ever had an epiphany? Not, not, not a black woman from the wnba, but have you ever had an epiphany?

[Adam Carolla]

I had a situation once in one time only where I had an old Toyota Supra car when I bought it very used and not a Corolla. You know, different.

[Brad Williams]

Come on, man.

[Adam Carolla]

A little rich for my blood.

[Brad Williams]

Okay, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

This one was really beat to anyway. The air conditioning didn't work and it's a long ass story. But I'll, I'll, I'll make it a little bit quick. I drove a truck my whole life. I was a carpenter. My Whole adult life. Lumber rack, bed boxes. I hate bench seats. You know, chicks hated it. Bad for dates and all that. And at some point, I started to sort of get into radio a little bit. And I bought a Toyota Supra, but it had a million miles on it and nothing worked on it. And I decided that I'd never owned a car with air conditioning. And no one in my family had ever owned a car with air conditioning. My mom, grandparents, dad, San Fernando Valley. That's the place where the hawk turns into the Crow people. Hotter and never air. I drove mini pickup trucks.

[Brad Williams]

Never.

[Adam Carolla]

I made it to age 30 in the San Fernando Valley with not ever having air conditioning in an automobile. And it didn't work in the Supra. But I was making money now, and I said, I'm going to fix this goddamn air conditioner. And I went to an air conditioning parts place in Van Nuys, California, off the 405. And I bought a pump and a receiver dryer and a bunch of shit I needed. And I went and tried to put that air conditioning system in that car for two weekends in a row, and it kept going south and it kept getting had to get free on charges, and it cost me money, and it was a complete disaster. And eventually I said, I'm going to take this and. And I'm gonna bring it to an air conditioning specialist in Van Nuys. And I'm not picking up this car until the air conditioning works. And this is gonna be the first time a Corolla's ever had air conditioning in their car. And I showed. It was like the end of Gone with the Wind, you know, I fell to one knee and I held my fist up.

[Brad Williams]

Timely reference.

[Adam Carolla]

I had. Thank you, Kimmel. Kimmel, from the radio station at the time, dropped me off, dropped the car off, gave me a ride. Remember people had to get rides to airports and drop off and get rides? And I was like, you Uber, right? He drove me. I dropped the car off. They said, pick it up tomorrow morning. I said, fine. I said, jimmy, I'm not picking up this car till there's cold, frosty air blowing out of it. I don't care what it costs. And we went out. And the next day after work, Jimmy dropped me back off at the air conditioning specialist. And I said, is it working? And. And they said, we tried to call you a bunch of times, which is never a good sign.

[Brad Williams]

Never a good sign.

[Adam Carolla]

They go, no, you took the keys with you when you dropped it off. So it's just been sitting there in the Parking lot. And while it was sitting in the parking lot, someone backed into it. So I was like, are you nuts? This is nuts. I said, okay, here's the keys. I don't care what it costs. You fix this car, your air conditioning.

[Brad Williams]

Specialist, leave the dent.

[Adam Carolla]

But I want cold air coming out of this car. And he said, fine. And the next day it was. My dad drove me to go pick up. Pick up the car. And my dad drove me there, and I called him up. They said, it works. I said, is cold air coming out? It's cold air. It runs. It was. Works perfectly. We did the whole system. It's going to work forever. And my dad was driving, and I said, something's going to happen to this car, dad. And he said, what? I go, this car is not long for this world. And he's like, why? And I said, because there's some cosmic force that doesn't want me to have air conditioning. We're month number three of me trying to get air conditioning, who won't accept it. And he was like, I don't know. It sounds like you're going to get air conditioning. And I said, I don't think so. And I drove it back to my apartment in Toluca Lake. And I was, oh, the reason Jimmy didn't drive me there is he was in New York with Kevin and Bean doing the MTV Awards. And I was standing on my balcony looking at my car parked out on the street against the curb. And I was talking to Jimmy. He was in New York. And he said, what was that noise? And I said, that was my car being totaled. A Ford F150 came down the street and hit it. I've never had a car hit or total before. Hit the car so hard that the F150 popped up on the curb and was facing me on the balcony.

[Brad Williams]

Staring at your car?

[Adam Carolla]

Staring at my car. Completely destroyed. The guy put his truck in reverse, backed it out with two punctured, two flat front wheels and steamed and dragged the front of the car. He drove the truck up, like four blocks, parked it jumped out and ran. And the Toyota was totaled. And the only epiphany I ever had is I'll never have air conditioning. And let that be a story that you tell your children about dreaming and about daring to dream and what a fucking horrible idea it is as you end up with a guy named Kenny Kazoil and a Ford F150 totaling your car. Sorry, we got another ball. Thank you.

[Rick Siddig]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my epiphany.

[Brad Williams]

Every time Every time you tell a story like that, I go, and you were born with so much white privilege.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I know. Just.

[Brad Williams]

All right, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, popup books.

[Adam Carolla]

Popup books?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. These are things that the Guatemala nanny read to my daughter frequently. Popup books?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. First I'm a. I don't like words, but I like mechanics. So I can appreciate a popup book because there's a bunch of stuff mechanically going on. Whoever physically builds the pop up book is much more skilled than the dumb shit who writes the children's book.

[Brad Williams]

I have. I agree with this a thousand percent. Every comedian, once they have a kid, believes that they can become a writer of a children's book. And every person that's ever rubbed two brain cells together believes they can write a children's book. Just like, oh, the grasshopper pushed the ball up the hill and then he saw his friend, and then the friend said no, and then they got the ball together and they all had tea. The end. That's a fucking book.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a book. And so here's the thing. For anybody who creates any form of art for children, you are not heroes. You're hacks who can't entertain adults. Whether that means you're in a band for children, whether that means you write books for children, whether that means you're one of the geniuses behind Dora the Explorer and other piles of shit that pollute my kids heads or wow, wow, Wubsy, or whatever junk you're shitting out. You are not fooling this podcaster. You do not have enough talent to work with adults. If you could work with Seth MacFarlane, you would work with Seth MacFarlane. But you're not funny.

[Rick Siddig]

You're not.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not smart and you're not clever. So you do shit for kids and then you get called a fucking hero at the cocktail party. Fuck you, you're a hack. Most of your stuff sucks. You've hurt more kids than you've helped Dora the Explorer and Wawa Wubsies have done way more harm than they've done good. And I'll give you an example. All right, all right, I'm going to back this up. You ready? All right. When you have an adult, if somebody knows an adult that had. Who's. Who's impaired, badly mentally impaired, right? And then you go, oh, tell me about your Uncle Gus. And then they go, well, Gus is 61, but he still lives at home because he basically is the mentality of a seven year old. So if you write books for seven year olds, you Write books for retarded adults. There's no difference. But that's what you do. Just say what you do. I write books for retarded adults.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And now we know you're fucking a.

[Brad Williams]

Hat and cash the checks and be happy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And be called a fucking hero.

[Brad Williams]

Basically, what you're saying is the children's book author is the same as the guitar player from Maroon 5.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Just say that you're doing an art for less intelligent people because the Guy from Maroon 5 Can't Stand Next to the guitarist from the Foo Fighters or Jack White. Be like, we do the same job.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the guitar player from the Wiggles. Yeah, right.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Oh, God. I want to get to a party with Dave Grohl and the guitar player from the Wiggles just so I can stand in between them and have Dave go, that's so cute. And then rub his head.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just. Oh, what do you do? Here's what I do. I'm Dave Gro.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where's my Game of Thrones Rock and Roll Throne, by the way, that I like to rock for when I have a boot on. All right, do we have. Let's do one more, Dawson.

[Brad Williams]

Is it one more?

[Adam Carolla]

One more. Oh, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

It's all on Dawson.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, Dawson.

[Brad Williams]

There it is. Okay, what do we got here? We have. I mean, this is a very broad topic, but one that you are very familiar with. It just says Loveline.

[Adam Carolla]

Loveline. Loveline. You never.

[Brad Williams]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you were never on Loveline. That was before your time.

[Brad Williams]

Not with you. My first time on was with Mike Catherwood and Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. You're in a different iteration of Loveline. I used to listen to Loveline. I was a big fan of Loveline. I never, never dreamt of being on Loveline. But I. I always. I always enjoyed doing it. That's why I essentially did it for a million years.

[Brad Williams]

I will say this as. As someone who grew up listening to you on Loveline, they see, nowadays a kid can take out a phone, type in pornhub and get all the tits that they want when I. When I'm. I'm 41, so the closest thing I could get to porn was listening to Adam Carolla tell a guy, so you premature ejaculate. Like, that was the closest I could get to porn. Like, I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm.

[Brad Williams]

I'm sitting there while. While. While he's going, now, how fast do you come. Does it come? Do you try to think of things like baseball scores or My mom or like, what. What can we do to make you come? And I'm. And I'm sitting there with half a chub going, come on, come on. Like, that was the closest I had to porn was this man's voice. You guys are lucky I don't have a boner right now. Just a Pavlov dog reaction.

[Adam Carolla]

The reason he doesn't have a boner is because I did a rail off it backstage. It should be coming online about 15 minutes.

[Brad Williams]

Very true. Very true. How do you think I got on the show?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, shall we bring out our first or, I guess, second guess? Now this. I will. I will in. I will intrigue all of you in. In this guest. I will tell you this. You will not know this man's name, and he will not look for familiar to you, but every single one of you has heard him multiple times. And when I say multiple, I'd say the over under is 57 and a.

[Brad Williams]

Half times at least.

[Adam Carolla]

When. When.

[Brad Williams]

Least when I was introduced to our guest backstage, I'm like, all right, here's a nice guy. He's gonna be on the show. And. And then he started talking, and it just. It clicked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I was like, ah, ah. I know this voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe we should have some fun. Maybe I'll bring Rick out, and you guys should all close your eyes and just when you hear the voice, go wherever you go with it, but close your eyes. I'm gonna bring on Rick Satig. Rick, come on out.

[Brad Williams]

Give him a round of applause.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody give him a round of applause.

[Brad Williams]

And now he. I felt like Jeb Bush right there. Please clap.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, everyone. Everyone close their eyes. And Rick, you just talk for a minute.

[Rick Siddig]

Hi, I'm Jack, founder of Jack in the Box.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't give it away. You should have said you were the. I just wanted to found.

[Brad Williams]

You should have said you did coke off a dwarf's backstage. But it could work.

[Adam Carolla]

You're the Burger King. And everyone's head explode.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah. So the lawyers from Jack in the Box are not happy that I'm doing this tonight. Yeah. They warned me there will be repercussions if I say anything that's offensive. All right, well, Merry Christmas. Now let's all relax, okay? My friends are fucking retards.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, get the lawyers out.

[Rick Siddig]

They text me, they go, hey, we're driving to the desert for some fun in the sun. You in? I'm like, of course I'm in. I love Vegas. I love the nightlife. I love the food. I love drinking frozen pina coladas. Waist deep in the hotel pool. Nobody said anything about camping in a tent in the actual fucking desert.

[Adam Carolla]

Now hold on, Rick. Let me just jump in for a second. Because I didn't set Rick up. I was gonna interview Rick and then you were going to do your five, which I think you're doing now.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, he's doing standup now.

[Adam Carolla]

Rick's. Rick, I wanted to set you up for this before we get. Before we get into it, put a.

[Brad Williams]

Pin in the desert conversation.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know, my fault. All right. Or producer's fault or something. But I wanted to. I want to interview you a little bit and then we'll set up the first five. Because Rick has never done standup before. And he said, I want to do 5.5minutes in front of your crowd and have it be judged by Brad and I. So we'll, we'll get to that. But I want to get. I want to get your background a little bit first. For instance, so Jack in the Box is basically tanking. Couple of deaths from salmonella or something, right?

[Rick Siddig]

E. Coli.

[Adam Carolla]

E Coli.

[Rick Siddig]

That will impact sales for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And they got you guys going. But how did you become the voice? Because you're the guy who ran the ad company, right?

[Rick Siddig]

Well, yeah, I created the campaign and I auditioned lots of people to be Jack. And when I pitched the campaign to Jack in the Box, I would say, and then Jack says this and then Jack does that. And every time I brought. I brought 200 people to audition and the client said, why don't you just do it? Okay, that works, right?

[Brad Williams]

And now. And now you have a wing of your house. That's the Jack in the Box.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah, that's true. That was. That was a 20 year ride. Yeah, I wrote the spots, I directed the spots, and I voiced Jack.

[Brad Williams]

Now I. I discovered backstage. Yeah, give the man his props. I discovered backstage that Rick and I have a connection. And that is because he wrote advertising spots for Jack in the Box. I met Jimmy Kimmel for the first time. Let me explain this, because Jack in the Box used to have this ad campaign for a product called Mini Sirloin Burgers.

[Rick Siddig]

Way out West. Way out West. That's a story told.

[Brad Williams]

And it was all about dwarves as mini cowboys that were being Yellowstone cowboys gathering up the mini cows to be the mini sirloin burgers, which is a really intelligent way of casting little people. Fuck you, Dinklage. Okay, so Dinklage is out here taking the dwarves out of Snow White. This man's here saying, let's put the dwarves into fast food. Advertising, this man's a goddamn hero. So. So the Mini Sirloin burgers campaign takes off, and Jack in the Box sponsors Jimmy Kimmel Live. And they have to do a sketch with Mini Sirloin burgers. They don't have enough dwarves in Hollywood to make enough cowboys. Then they don't want to fly them in. So I get the call. They're like, hey, you're halfway funny. Pun intended. And then I get to be a mini, mini cowboy on Jimmy Kimmel. And I meet Jimmy Kimmel for the first time. Fast forward to about two months later. They have another bit where they need a dwarf to play a Los Angeles clipper. Because here's a shock. They weren't doing very good at the time, and they thought, well, let's have a dwarf play a clipper. I'm on the show, and I say, who else is on the show? And they tell me Don Rickles is the lead guest on the show. And I'm a comedian. I'm like, I have to fucking meet Don Rickles. And they're like, no one meets Don. He comes in, he does his thing, and then he leaves. And I'm like, where does he leave? They're like, well, he goes out this little tunnel. I go, I will be at that tunnel. I go. I do my sketch. I run to that tunnel. I wait until Don Rickles walks by. Don Rickles, the legend himself is walking by, sees me. I'm starstruck. I do not know what to say. Rickles looks me up and down and just goes, stop smoking.

[Adam Carolla]

That's funny.

[Brad Williams]

And then I got to take a picture with Don Rickles, and it's on my desk. The next time I met Don Rickles, he recognized me as the guy who terrified John Stamos, because Stamos is afraid of little people.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, and let me say this.

[Brad Williams]

You turn.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll get back to that story. You took a picture with Don Rickles nut sack, not Don Rickles. I mean, that's.

[Brad Williams]

To be fair, he was in his 80s. You couldn't really tell the difference.

[Adam Carolla]

His head wasn't in his shot, so.

[Brad Williams]

He would love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, Rick, when you go, what other campaigns did your company work on? And what other campaigns did you basically spearhead and invent? And he said, one we may have heard of.

[Rick Siddig]

I created the Energizer Bunny.

[Adam Carolla]

And the Energizer Bunny is so in the vernacular that people on porn sets will go, that guy? Like the Energizer Buddy. And then, yeah, they'll say in college football games that free safety man. He's Mr. Hustle. He's like the Energizer bunny. Like, it is so in the zeitgeist.

[Brad Williams]

He has a jack in the box weight wing and a bunny wing in his house. This is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Oh, and the helpful Honda guy.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah, I did the guys in the blue shirts. The helpful Honda.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that guy. I don't like that guy.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, what don't you like about the helpful Honda?

[Adam Carolla]

They're stupid Mexican kids at the park that need a soccer ball. Oh, what do we do? Here comes the helpful Honda guy. Here you go. There's a soccer ball. Mexican kids.

[Rick Siddig]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but that's a little.

[Rick Siddig]

But we did this. We did a Super bowl commercial with Mark Sanchez.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh?

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah. Oh, that was a couple years ago where we raised like a hundred and fifty thousand dollars for three high school football programs.

[Brad Williams]

And now Mark Sanchez needs that for his lawyer.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brad Williams]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brad Williams]

I'm in USC county. Okay.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah. It didn't age well. Well, but it was a good day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't like the helpful hunt. It tugs at the heartstrings. I don't like that. I like. I like the funny stuff. I like. You know. You know what's a funny campaign is the one that's going around now. It's been around for a little while with the. With the therapists and they're worried about the kids becoming their parents.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That. That there's actually. There's always a couple campaigns that are actually kind of funny that you sort of look forward to.

[Brad Williams]

That's what I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

When. When it's like, all right, now your job is to stand around the grill and let the guy cook. Who's cooking. And they're all sitting there like, you got. You got to flip the steak. Like that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a funny. It's a funny campaign.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah. If you can't remember the name of the company.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Is it Geico? Is it insurance?

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah, that's the company competition. It's progressive.

[Adam Carolla]

Progressive.

[Brad Williams]

See, that's why Adam can't remember it. He doesn't acknowledge anything that's progressive.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I'm. I'm set in my ways.

[Brad Williams]

Is the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the. The greatest joke the worst campaign ever was UPS is what can Brown do for you? Cuz I'm literally just thinking about what's in my toilet while you're talking about your company. And how does that stuff make it out of the pitch session? You know what I mean? Does somebody not raise their Hand and go. You know what, Bob? I'm thinking about shit right now. Let's not go down that road.

[Brad Williams]

How does Kendall Jenner giving a Pepsi can to a fucking ICE agent make it past every person in the ad agency?

[Rick Siddig]

I'm going to say the worst advertising in the history of history would be Dylan Mulvaney or the Bud Light can.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rick Siddig]

Because somebody said, you know who we need to reach? We need to reach Tranny's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I will, I will say this though. Maybe they're crazy like a fox. Because if this campaign gets every guy who listens to Kid Rock to take a machine gun out and blow away 5k cases, that's a lot of product in the lake, you know what I mean?

[Brad Williams]

We've moved a lot of cases of Bud Light.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of Bud Light. They had bullet holes in them. So yeah, Dylan Mulany, Bud Light. That's. That's the worst.

[Rick Siddig]

Is that Jaguar?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I was going to say Jack, have you seen the Jaguar one?

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

What's the Jaguar one?

[Adam Carolla]

Jaguar looked like a SNL episode of Sprockets. It was literally, don't show the car. Jaguar goes back to the 40s, 50s, dominates at Le Mans. You know what I mean? You could show so much great heritage and so much footage of them racing internationally and winning at Le Mans, stuff like that. Oh, no, they got a bunch of he, she, tranny, sprocket looking guys named Deer. They had all these crazy wave androgynous models just sort of standing there. I didn't even think there was a car.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah, Jaguar went from selling about 31 cars a year to selling no cars a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Brad Williams]

There was also.

[Adam Carolla]

There's one, the one that. Okay, this drives me nuts, but I don't think it's a bad campaign pain. It's more indicative of our society to say there are certain things that are eerie harbingers. For instance, the example I always use is when we started in Los Angeles putting barbed wire around the freeway signs. Someone should have stopped and said, what the fuck is going on in this hellscape? This they. By the way, I saw Escape from la, they didn't think of this. The set dresser from Escape From LA when he's told to make LA look like a war torn hellscape wasn't creative enough to come up with the barbed wire around the freeway signs. That's a harbinger. We should have stopped. The Subaru commercials are eerie harbingers of our pussy future because all it is is a mixed race lesbian couple who adopted a Sheep talking about love. And I have no idea about powertrain or warranty or gas mileage or sticker price. Nothing. I don't know if it's a four cylinder, a six cylinder, or turbocharged. Supercharged, naturally. Aspirated. I got nothing other than it's made with love. And now there's a dog driving the car because we love our dogs so much and we get them station wagons for lesbians.

[Rick Siddig]

Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Rick Siddig]

Would this be a good time?

[Adam Carolla]

Is that one of your campaigns for me? No. If you were funny, you'd go, that was mine.

[Rick Siddig]

Maybe this would be a good time for me to tell like the third joke in my setup.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Rick Siddig]

Okay. I like cars.

[Brad Williams]

Subaru, Seamless transition.

[Rick Siddig]

Subaru is an interesting brand with loyal followers. 100% of Subaru drivers are gay or have dogs. That's why Subaru has named its new SUV the Groomer.

[Brad Williams]

Everyone's well done.

[Rick Siddig]

Everyone's very excited about the new interior. It's stain resistant.

[Brad Williams]

The fact that Jack's voice is doing this just makes it a thousand percent better. So good.

[Adam Carolla]

20. Tell me you have seen the Volkswagen SUV commercial from about three years ago where the mixed race male gay couple kidnaps a sheep and raises it as their own. Have you seen that softcore piece of shit?

[Rick Siddig]

I don't subscribe to that channel.

[Brad Williams]

See, I saw it. It's so funny because like in my, in my most recent comedy special, I jokingly said that commercials should lean in more to politics. Like they should just pick a side and go with it. Like Tide should be lip tied. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. It makes all colors equally bright, you know, and then it's like, well, what does it do for the whites? Nothing. It does nothing for the whites. And then I wanted, and then I wanted the other side where we have conservative maxi pads. You know, like just like we are conservative maxi pads. We stand up and we will actually enhance your red wave. You know, like that's what I want. And I did it as a joke. Like every company should just lean in. And now it's actually happening where the Subaru has the lesbian couple with the dogs and then Dodge Ram is just.

[Rick Siddig]

Coming out like, we're fucking Dodge Ram.

[Brad Williams]

We're taking our trucks right into the heart of a America. Look at us drive in front of the. Of. Of the Grand Canyon. Look at our truck run over an immigrant. That's what we do here at Dodge Ram. We are the conservative truck for the conservative male. Like there. We're actually doing that now. And it's crazy to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I told, you know, when Dr. Drew said to me, like, seven years ago, where are we heading as a nation? I said, safe spaces and octagons. Half the country is getting pushed into an electric car and the other half is rebelling with a Dodge Ram pickup truck. And by the way, he said, where's the country heading seven years ago? I said, safe spaces and octagons. There's going to be an octagon on the lawn of the White House in five months. That's how octagon we are. But Dodge, the voice of Dodge is Dana White. And they got Terry Crews doing donuts in the middle of a football field just burning fossil fuel fuels and vulcanized rubber. So they're leaning into it. Yeah, they're going the exact opposite way Dylan Mulvaney was going.

[Brad Williams]

They had. They have a new commercial where a bald eagle jerks off on a transgender person.

[Adam Carolla]

This is happening.

[Brad Williams]

This is real.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Look it up. Look it up.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah. AI has gotten really good.

[Adam Carolla]

Really good.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, someone's gonna hear that at Dodge and go, let's. That's going to be amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, you know the jingle. Now get to know the guys over at O'Reilly and gals at O'Reilly Auto Parts. You want to be the guy on the side of the road, stuck on the shoulder, looking like a dope? No, that's not going to be you this year. Friendly, helpful service people who actually know their stuff, not just some kid who'd rather be on his phone. Always used O'Reilly. I mean, I was always. I like the way that O'Reilly smells. I like going in there. Like the smell of car parts and vulcanized rubber and capitalism and turning wrenches. I like the way all that smells in there. Guys doing it for themselves. So whether you're a gearhead or you don't know a lug nut from a donut, they'll walk you through it. No attitude, just real help. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today, or you can visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam. That's O'Reillyauto.com Adam. Simply safe. Hmm. Yeah, I hit that point where I realized my security system was basically just a deadbolt in wishful thinking. And if that's where you're at, might I suggest simply safe. It's proactive. Traditional systems react after a break in Simplisafe can help stop a crime before it starts. Simplisafe keeps your home safe with a double layer of defense. First, AI cameras detect Potential threats. And then live agents confront them while they're still outside of your home. That's why I trust Simplisafe with my place, protecting the studio gear, the front door, the driveway, all the stuff I actually care about. So real security stops crime before it starts. Am I right, Dawson? Right now is such a good time to get Simplisafe. This month only get 50% off any new system. Go to simplisafe.com Adam again. Simplisafe.com Adam. There's no safe like Simplisafe. I'm going to circle back because it made me laugh and I forgot to get back to it. But when Rick was talking about auditioning over 200 guys for the voice of Jack in the Box, I thought, what if Ted Koppel auditioned for the voice of Jack in the Box?

[Brad Williams]

You mean me, Ted Koppel? Famed newsman Ted Koppel? You think I could be the voice of Jack in the Box?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just read a little copy.

[Brad Williams]

All right. Sourdough Jack. It's got sourdough bread on it. Meat, tomatoes, cheese, bacon. It's amazing. It'll get your dick hard. Better than Viagra. I improvise that line.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's good. It's good. Chad, I like what you did with it.

[Brad Williams]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

The mayonnaise really is okay, Ted, again.

[Brad Williams]

What are you talking about? I think that's a good line.

[Adam Carolla]

We're family oriented here.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, we're family oriented.

[Rick Siddig]

It's called secret sauce for a reason.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like in. Know what I'd like to do? I would like to find I put.

[Brad Williams]

Bacon potato wedges in my ass every night.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Ted, we got it.

[Brad Williams]

It's the only way I can come. Coming up next on Nightline, bacon potato wedges in my ass.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the guy at Jack in the Box who invented the taco that's not a taco, but it's better than a taco, even though it's the worst taco ever made, deserves a star on the Walk of Fame. I don't know who figured that. What alchemist, what hero, what genius came up with that taco, but he basically did what they did with a Twinkie. Their task was to make the world's best, the world's shittiest pastry that's actually better than any pastry. And your job is to make the world's shittiest taco that's better than any taco. And if you're high, it is. It is. Literally, it is kibble. If there was a kibble for high people, there was a special snacky. If there was a Bakey Kibble High food, that would be it. That is it. Who is that genius?

[Brad Williams]

And even with all the inflation that's happening, still 99 cents for two. Ridiculous.

[Rick Siddig]

Well, no, the guy that came up with that is a genius because he found a way to sell something that for $0.59 that costs about $0.04 to make. And he understood that the only people that would eat that would be people who are really high at 2am at the drive through.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah. And they built an empire on that.

[Brad Williams]

Well, yeah. Because now Jack in the Box, they're leading in. They have like the late night Night Munchy meal where it's like, we know why you're here. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

You're high as balls. It's 2 o' clock in the morning. Every other place is closed. We're still open. It's between us and Taco Bell. We're leaning into the stoner mentality. And you should buy. Yeah. Mini tacos, or as I call them, tacos.

[Adam Carolla]

Jack in the Box was always basically, essentially a fact fat. Which is, look, always open.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Always available.

[Adam Carolla]

Always available. Very inexpensive. You know what you're getting upfront pricing?

[Brad Williams]

Sure, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what you're getting? Look, if I could get in and out, I'd get in and out. But she's underneath some Japanese businessman in a suite right now. Sure. So I'll. I'll take. I'll take the first fat. No offense, by the way. That's a. That's a tip of the cap.

[Rick Siddig]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

By the way, do you want to.

[Rick Siddig]

Do you want a real.

[Brad Williams]

Do you remember the, like, you remember the ad where Jack in the Box. It's Jack going to see his son play football, and then his son has the giant helmet and everyone's like, that's him. Yeah.

[Rick Siddig]

Number 52.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, exactly. Do you have any idea how many people thought I was the kid in the football helmet? My head is so goddamn big. It's Matt. I don't have dreams. I have movies like. And this is. I had so many people. Like, that's pretty much an acting credit on my reel. Because I could say, yeah, that's me in that commercial. And no one has the balls to go, I'm gonna fact check that. That's just me. Awesome. You might.

[Adam Carolla]

Rick, can you turn the voice on and off a little bit? I know it's your voice, but here's what I'm saying. Like, there's times you just want to go out. You don't want to have the bartender go, hey, wait a minute. Did I go to high? Because people are stupid and they'll, they'll. You'll remind them, but they'll never know. Like, they'll go, we played. Do you play popcorn or football for the East Valley Struggle? And you go, no, we go to high school together. Like, they'll think. And that's, that's a pain in the ass, I'm sure. So there's probably a version of you that can talk, tone it down a little, like checking into a hotel. But there's also got to be a part of you that ratchets it up every once in a while. Like, if you get pulled over and the cops, like, you know why I pulled you over and you give him the Heavy Jack voice.

[Rick Siddig]

Oh, I can do better than the Heavy Jack voice.

[Adam Carolla]

What can you do?

[Rick Siddig]

I had a California license made up with Jack's photo on it and Jack in the Box headquarters as the address.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brad Williams]

Wow.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, have you been let out of tickets because of the Jack thing?

[Rick Siddig]

100%.

[Adam Carolla]

100%.

[Rick Siddig]

But I'll. I'll tell you what didn't work. And this is a true story. I was at a concert far, far away. It was coming back late at night. I got to go to the bathroom and it's three o' clock in the morning and I see a Jack the Box sign lit up. I'm like, yes, they're open 24 hours. Perfect. And so I go up to the door and it's locked. It's just the drive through that's open. The restaurant is closed. Okay. And so I've never done this before, but I knock on the door and this 17 year old kid with a visor says, we're closed. I'm Jack. He said, you.

[Brad Williams]

Could you imagine the panic in that young boy's face? What? Just you in the drive. Anytime you would go through a Jack in the Box drive, you're like, I'm here for quality control. They would freak the out.

[Adam Carolla]

You know who would freak the out? Spicoli and his buddy in the van pulling up to the drive through to get a baker's dozen of tacos.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

You come up and drop the voice on that guy and he's baked out of his mind. He had. That would freak that guy out.

[Rick Siddig]

You know what we did? We actually. There's an actor named Jack, actually. Who's the guy in the head. I'm directing and doing the voice afterwards. But one time I did dress up in the head and the suit and wired for Sound and everything. And we trolled McDonald's in the morning and the window would roll down and they go, hey, can I get breakfast? And they go, oh, we stopped serving breakfast at 10:30. And I go, well, I know someplace that doesn't.

[Brad Williams]

That's awesome.

[Rick Siddig]

Jack in the Box. Like, yeah, so that was, that was cool.

[Brad Williams]

I imagine you pulling up to the drive through and doing the voice in Jack in the Box. The employees have the same reaction as when Carrot Top pulls up to a Wendy's where they just go, oh, shit, she's here. She's all grown up. She has a drug habit and she's here. Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got 15 inch guns on her too.

[Rick Siddig]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

All I would do is go to the drive through with your voice. That's. That would be perfect.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all just over, over the, over the speaker.

[Brad Williams]

That, that, that's like me going. Grabbing Keebler cookies and just walking out with them out of a supermarket. Be like, what? I'm on the box. Like, I. That was my grandfather.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He died in the Lilliputian war.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or however you say that word.

[Brad Williams]

I can shoplift fucking Keebler cookies the rest of my life. I can never pay for a box of Lucky Charms. Oh, until the day I die. Well, this is the day I die.

[Adam Carolla]

This, this is my story. My. This is a true story. And I'm with you. And I, I, I, I, I. It's. It's on the same subject, which is when we were looking for Christopher Dorner, I think, who was a giant black cop who went rogue. And this guy was like 6, 6 and £300.

[Brad Williams]

Right story. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's how bad the cops are. They were looking for this guy, right? And he was killing, you know, higher ranking LAPD guys. And he was at large and he was armed and dangerous. So the cops were on ultra high alert for this guy coming around and a pickup truck. Now he's driving like a Toyota Tacoma Dormer is. But a like Nissan pickup truck goes down a side street like Orange county, like five in the morning. The cops think it's him, even though it's the wrong pickup truck truck. And they fire like 150 rounds in the back of the truck. It turns out it's two Mexican women delivering newspapers. And I want to tell everyone who does that driving while black or the cops with the black man. We shot two Mexican women thinking it was one black guy. We'll shoot anything. So they shot this pickup truck. Later on, they shot a pickup truck with a White guy in it who was going surfing that morning. And it wasn't the same truck as Norman was driving either. So it's insane, but it was sort of like a black guy didn't get killed, so didn't really make the news. So I figured out the story. But the truck, the two Mexican women miraculously lived, even though they put like 120 rounds in the back of the thing, shot out the windows, tail, tailgate and everything like that, they ended up buying the ladies a new pickup truck. That. That's what they got out of it.

[Brad Williams]

How nice of them, right? I got shot by 150 bullets.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I said, here's a free pickup truck. I would have never taken the new pickup truck. I would have just driven the old pickup truck riddled with bullet holes. And then every time I got pulled over, they'd go, you know how fast you're going? You're doing 80 and a 65. And I'd go, yeah. And they'd go, you know how dangerous that is? And I'd go, let me ask you something. As dangerous as your buddies unloading five clips into the back of my mom's.

[Brad Williams]

Pickup truck, I would agree wholeheartedly.

[Adam Carolla]

And then the guy would apologize, and you would drive. You would never. You would never get a ticket as long as you drove that pickup truck. Truck riddled with cop bullet holes.

[Brad Williams]

Thank God. Thank God I'm funny. I've gotten out of so many tickets because I. All right, we're not too far away from Universal Studios Hollywood, okay? And one time I was there, and in the gift shop, they sell these fake Oscars, right? That say, like, best dad. I'm sure you've gotten many of those. Oh, I got the mugs.

[Adam Carolla]

I got all the valuables.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. They say, like, best dad, best mom. Mom, whatever. But I found one that said best police officer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Brad Williams]

And I bought it, and I put it in my glove box. And then when I would get pulled over, I would reach into the glove box. I'd have it waiting on the. On. On the sill as the cop went up. And I went, congratulations. And every time the cop would see that and go, get the out of here. Like, it was so great. It was so great. But now I always look at that story from the cops perspective. Like, I don't know if he would have given me a ticket anyway, because if you pull over a dwarf, all I have to do is be like. Like, ah, my pedal fell off.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

And then. And you're like, oh, sorry, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rick Siddig]

I'm amazed that you weren't shot when you reached into your glove box.

[Brad Williams]

White privilege.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I'll tell you the. The. The best thing that ever happened to me getting pulled.

[Brad Williams]

Pulled over.

[Adam Carolla]

And I. I recommend it highly. When I was doing the radio show, cops came in to watch a show or something, and they left us hats. And if you leave me a hat, I'll wear the hat. It's a ball hat.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was a lapd. Just an LAPD on it. I was wearing it. And about a week later, Buddy was modifying my BMW M3E46, I think it was, by putting a supercharger on it. Had, like, 600 horsepower. And he'd had it for. For, like, two years. And I went to Van Nuys to pick it up from his shop. From his shop. And I was driving at home.

[Brad Williams]

They work on cars that are beyond just the Ferrari shop off the 101. Okay, I'm letting you guys know.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna figure out what this car's got under the hood. And I just, like, dropped it in the second gear and just punched it on Oxnard. And it was one of those things where I blew past the motorcycle cop who was just parked. Parked in between cars so fast that I started to pull myself over because I was doing 90 on a surface street. And I pulled myself up, and he was pissed because this was like an exhibition of speed. And he came around the window, and he's like, you understand how fat and how dangerous? And then he goes, where'd you get that hat?

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I go, oh, I forgot. I was wearing. I was like, oh, this hat? And I go. I do a little charity work. But anyway, keep going. And he goes, what kind of charity work? You know, LAPD golf tournament, stuff like that. But anyway, finish what you're saying. And he was like, well, okay. Which goes to show you, they don't have to give anyone tickets ever if they don't really want.

[Brad Williams]

You know, they saw you going 90 down a surface street, and they're like, yeah, but I like the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

But then I realized all you need is three or four hats, and you can do whatever the fuck you want. You know what I mean? When you get into Orange county, put on your Orange county or your highway patrol or your west. West Valley sheriff or like, whatever the it is. Three or four hats. You. You. You. You can be Bonnie and Clyde.

[Brad Williams]

Let that be a tip to every Latino out there. Buy an ice hat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Buy an ice hat. And when they come to get you just be like, ah, I'm one of you. And then. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Wow, that joke didn't go over well. When the Calabasas crowd. Who fucking knew?

[Adam Carolla]

They don't know what ice is.

[Brad Williams]

They're like, no, no, no. Take out the population of Van Nuys. We don't give a shit.

[Adam Carolla]

No, when you say ice, they're like shaved ice. Or the giant one I put in my Manhattan.

[Brad Williams]

We like the clear eyes here.

[Adam Carolla]

What did the. When did the 11 cubic inch ice cube become trendy? Like, I don't know. I've never said. You know, the problem with cocktails is there's not enough booze in this glass. I need something that really takes up a lot of room and melts and turns into water. So I can essentially have a glass of water that smells like whiskey in 10 minutes. All right, should we do the rest of the standup routine?

[Rick Siddig]

Oh, yeah, there's more.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, he's got more.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, there's more. So I got to say, I'm liking what I'm hearing. So, so far. Jack, can we.

[Rick Siddig]

Can we pick it up from my friends or.

[Brad Williams]

For the camping b. Yeah, yeah, okay. Go back to the camping bit.

[Rick Siddig]

All right. My friends are. I get a text, we're driving to the desert. You in? Of course I'm in. I love Vegas. I love the nightlife. I love the food. I love drinking frozen pina coladas waist deep in the hotel pool. Nobody said anything about camping in a tent in the actual fucking desert. Not quite as funny the second time. The campsite had a million rocks, a hundred rattlesnakes, and zero frozen pina colada machines. After five days in the broiling sun, I collapsed with heatstroke on a mound of fire ants. Camping is like incest. You have to grow up doing it with your family to think it's okay.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah, I like that joke. Good joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Dodge should make a van for raping, right? Come on, now.

[Rick Siddig]

Airlines are always looking for new ways to attract customers. There's this new deal where the price of the ticket is based on the ability of the pilot. So if you want to save some money, book a flight with a pilot who does not have a pilot's license, but does have a driver's license and is pretty good at parallel parking his Mazda. You want to save a lot more money, book a flight with a blind nine year old queen quadriplegic. Make a wish, pilot. Now, before you say no, you can fly Louisiana to Honolulu first class for $11. Maybe you're more interested in landing and living. Book a flight with a former Air Force One captain who looks like John Ham. That program is called Captain Ham in the Cockpit. And no, it's not. Captain Ham in the cockpit is not a sex position, you pervs. Shame on you. There's a make a wish kid in that joke.

[Brad Williams]

Camping one was better, but. Okay, okay, okay, hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

August is in the back of the room. Light him. Light him up.

[Rick Siddig]

I'm having a good day. I got great news. I just found out that Brad Pitt, international superstar, hot young girlfriend, sexiest man alive, just turned 62. Which means tomorrow Brad Pitt is getting a colonoscopy. Now, for those of you not hip to the colonoscopy scene, that's a medical procedure where you're stripped naked, laid out flat on a table with your ass elevated so that the proctologist, that's a doctor who majored in buttholes, can insert the probe. Now, the pro. The probe is a flexible tube and at the end of it there's a flashlight and a camera and scissors. Let's say this is Brad Pitt's butthole. The proctologist is going to ram that probe into Brad Pitt and go hard. He's going to go hard and deep and just deeper and deeper, deeper. And maybe pause for a second, take some pictures, look around, but then after that, go deeper and deeper. Fortunately for Brad Pitt, he'll be under anesthesia so he won't remember anything. But the proctologist, who's still in the closet, will cherish this moment forever.

[Brad Williams]

Brad Pitt taken down by the paparazzi.

[Rick Siddig]

Let's see. Well, I've already done the Subaru joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rick Siddig]

All right, so we'll move on.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Rick Siddig]

Okay, so wait, moving on to what? I got one more. One more.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, one more. Okay, one more.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Rick Siddig]

Okay. All right. So it turns out the decades I spent as a hamburger clown was ideal training and made me an expert at what I am now a part time life coach specializing in romantic relationships. So let me give an example of how couples fight and how to resolve it. Okay. All right. This is classic. The woman says, turn down the air conditioning and you say, I have no idea what that means. And she says, it means turn down the air conditioning, loser. You're like, do you mean turn down the air conditioning so there's less air conditioning and the room gets warmer? Or turn down the temperature so the room gets colder? I need more information. She says, here's some info. I fucked your best friend Tyler that weekend at the lake. Okay? Classic couples conflict. I deal with this all the time. There's a couple of ways. There's a couple of ways to solve it. But right now, I'm just gonna be life coaching the men out here, okay? Just life coaching the men. Because men start all the arguments, all right? So first option, you grab a crowbar and you just bash the hell out of the air conditioning, the condenser, the thermostat. Just destroy everything. No more air conditioning to argue over. Problem solved. But maybe you're not a crowbar kind of guy. Maybe you're a sensitive guy. In that case, there's option two. You say, I'm sorry I started the air conditioning fight. It's all my fault. Women love it when men apologize. All right? So then you pull out the two tickets you bought for a Princess Cruise to Cancun, the Love Boat. So you're on a loveboat, having a romantic dinner. Champagne, caviar, loaded baked potato. I don't know what you guys like, but the important thing is you're having a romantic dinner and she's forgotten all about the air conditioning fight. Then after dinner, you say, let's go for a walk in the moonlight. Yeah. So you're all cuddled up on deck, watching the moonlight shimmer and dance on the ocean, and you push her overboard. Now, before you get all snippy, I will remind you I gave you two options. Both work, but what I like about the Love Boat solution is it's a statement. And now you're single in Cancun on the Love Boat, loaded with a bunch of drunk, sash wearing, bachelorette party girls who did not fuck your best friend. And bonus, you still have your air conditioning.

[Adam Carolla]

Mary. Very good.

[Brad Williams]

Ronald McDonald was giving him the light in the back.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of good stuff there. A lot of good stuff. And I can tell you're smart and I can tell, you know, you're doing stuff that's, like, interesting.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And, you know, I, I would say the benchmark is like the Subaru joke. That's probably, probably the strongest. And for, for me, I would say take the Subaru joke, use it as a little bit of a model and try to create more like it. Because that, that was strong. And the other stuff is strong too, but that was like a little more concise, a little more to the point, and a little, A little, A little more gratifying. What do you think, Brad?

[Brad Williams]

Two things I always try to remember in Stand Up. One, there was a more Mark Twain quote. If I had more time, I would have written you a shorter book. And that, that is for that last joke. That, that last joke. It's just really long and there's not enough punchlines along the way. Now you create the punchlines along the way. And by the way, I, I, I, the one thing I hate about criticizing comedy, I'm just quoting other people, but Jason Alexander has this quote. Like, criticizing stand up comedy is like yelling at a flower that it's not a flower yet. And it's like, well, it will be. It just has to be nurtured and watered and get sunlight and it will grow and it'll become a flower.

[Adam Carolla]

But wait, what if the flowers older than Brad Pitt.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, now, thought about that one, did you?

[Brad Williams]

Holy crap. You got like a Venus fly trap. You got one trap left in you. Okay. Yeah. So I would say you're like, like to echo what Adam said, you are on the right track. Some great jokes there. The, the lot. The last one is just either too long winded or you got to put some punch lines in there. But overall, this is your first time.

[Adam Carolla]

First time doing Stan.

[Brad Williams]

That is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

That is amazing. You did a very, very po.

[Brad Williams]

I'm not gonna demand you be Bill Burr right off the bat. Like, it's gonna take some time, but.

[Adam Carolla]

That, that's a good first out.

[Brad Williams]

That, that is a great first. Five minutes. Okay, so there you go, Rick.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you very much for coming out tonight. We're going to turn your mic over to Rudy Povich, who's going to come in and do the last segment. Bring a little news for us. So, Rudy, you make your way up on stage.

[Brad Williams]

How happy is Rudy that I am on this show? There's one guy in the world smaller than this, and that's me. He's sitting here like, oh, my God. Oh, yeah, yeah. Both our legs are dangling. This is, this is why I will never break up with my wife. Because I can't be at a bar like, hey, so you come around here often? Like, no one, no, no one wants to blow that guy.

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah, we both rode here on that cat earlier, so that's how we both got here.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yes, we. And to go home, we will hop on and say, yeah, homes.com.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, I'm a fan. Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. I agree with those people. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched. To highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home right away. Great. And if you're just an enthusiast like me, you can just get on there, browse around, kick some tires. Nice. See what's going on in the marketplace. Homes.com we've done your homework. The holidays are brutal. So if you're feeling frugal, string Pluto TV.

[Brad Williams]

Stream blockbuster hits like 21 Jump Street Ted, the Expendables and so much more on Pluto TV stream. Now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what do we got in the news?

[Rudy Povich]

All right, let's do some news, huh? So the board for the John F. Kennedy center for the Performing Arts announced that it would now be named the Trump Kennedy center, even though a formal change may have to be approved by Congress. The President Trump has been calling it that for months. I was honored by it. He told reporters at the White House. The board is a very distinguished board, most distinguished people in the country. And I was surprised by it. I was honored by it. Earlier that day he called, he appointed the board. Yeah, I was just going to get to that. Earlier that day he called the meeting. The board, which is now made up almost entirely of people who are loyal to him by law there has to be a handful of members of Congress from both parties who sit on the board at as well.

[Brad Williams]

He appointed the.

[Adam Carolla]

He is going to have his name on more than Jack in the Box. Probably.

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah, technically, Trump in the box.

[Brad Williams]

I, I, I'm really surprised he hasn't tried to call the Washington Monument the Trump Monument. He's gonna like. It's very representative of my penis. It's very big, reminds me of it all the time. I just want to see it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't, you know, there's their presidents also, like in the annals of presidents, you know, for the first, I don't know, 33 presidents. We didn't have film or something like, I don't know what year. Like we don't even have moving images of the first half of the first president. Somebody used their phone. But you know, we started filming and then, you know, 1879 or 1887 or something like that. Who was the last president then? You guys can, can yell it out. But will there ever be a president that we have as much high def footage of than Trump? Yeah, like, and also with AI, he's going to live forever because There are so many images and so much recorded verbiage of him that he would never. He could never go away. He can. He'll be president long after he's dead.

[Brad Williams]

What is funny about this is that when I think about exactly what you just said, they're like, there was a time where no one knew what the president looked like. Like, because you couldn't. Now we have all these images of. There will be a time where, because of President Green grew up with the current technology, we will have presidential dick pics very soon. We will have a campaign where we will have seen both presidential candidates. Dicks. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Rudy Povich]

I mean, we've already seen the First Lady's tits.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Rudy Povich]

So we're halfway there. Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

We're living on a prayer.

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah. Thank God there's no George Washington snuff film sitting around, you know?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Him just eating box with wooden teeth. Give the woman splitters, for God's sakes. That'd be horrible.

[Rudy Povich]

Give me the floss.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, that, that. That's what terrifies me is like two more presidential elections will have, like, a candidate and then someone will come out who they dated in high school be like, I have their dick pics.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you already have, like, Mandami doing stupid rap videos, you know, so it's just going to keep going. I was mentioning in my act when it came to Mamdami that I was thinking I was picturing a handful of conservative MAGA guys who lived in Manhattan. And when Eric Adams became mayor of New York City, they were like, oh, it can't get any worse than this. We got this bald brother who's going to be running this place in the ground. Oh, it can get worse. Oh, like there's actually a bunch of conservative racist in New York that are begging for the black guy to come back.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. The next mayor of New York is going to be the couple from the Subaru commercial. They're going to be C.O. may.

[Rick Siddig]

Yes.

[Rudy Povich]

Hey, to get back to presidential dick pics.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Rudy Povich]

Ever see Gavin Newsom's dick? Because the way he crosses his legs, it proves he does not have a. And balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. That there are female Pilates instructors who go, I couldn't pull that off. I. And I do this for a living. My leg would fall asleep if I tried that position.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah. By the way, if you're going to be in the D.C. area, catch Adam Carolla at the Trump Kennedy center on January 31st for two shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Awesome.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Rudy Povich]

Pete Davidson is officially a girl dad. The former Saturday Night Live star and model Elise Hewitt announced the arrival of their first child together, Scotty Rose hewitt Davidson, on December 12. The comedian shared that the first person he went to for advice was his mother, Amy Davidson. Another person he looked to for parenting advice was Machine Gun Kelly, saying, he's been great, too. He's one of the first people I go to.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Now, I don't know how pop music works, but Machine Gun Kelly sounds retarded when he's being interviewed, right?

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. And is he a great musician?

[Rudy Povich]

No, he's not.

[Brad Williams]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Terrible. He sucks. Right. So what's going. And also there was a guy named Machine Gun Kelly who was actually a mobster. Then there was a LA DJ named Machine Gun Kelly. And now you're at least the third, maybe the fourth, Machine Gun Kelly. So your name is out. You're horribly. You're horrible musically and you look like a heroin addicted trans waif model.

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And why are we going to you for any kind of advice? Like maybe advice about how to deal with hep C? Yeah, like that would be when I would go to Machine Kelly. Like, I don't want any parenting tips, but I would like. You seem like you've had hep C. I want to know.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, Machine Gun Kelly. Machine Gun Kelly used to be a rapper. This. He was a rapper. Then he got into a rap feud with Eminem, which two white rappers. We've really hit the progressive market. That's happened. But he lost the rap battle so bad that he had to switch genres of music. Then he became a pop star. That's how much Eminem decimated him. Yes. This is what the black community dreams of. Three white people talking about a rap feud with two white rappers. We really hit it.

[Rudy Povich]

You know who's less talented than Machine Gun Kelly and still gets to hotter chicks?

[Brad Williams]

Pete David.

[Rudy Povich]

God damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so just so you know, in the Calabasas community, when he speaks of the rap genre, it's a. It's a popular urban music that young. Urban, if you know what I'm talking about, types who may live in a place called the Hood, who don't have access to equipment, but they have two turntables and sometimes a microphone, and they create their own genre of urban music. If you watch the P. Diddy, Doc, you'll know what I'm talking about.

[Brad Williams]

Now you got to tell them who P. Diddy is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's urban. He would be like. He would be like the leader of the urban folks who do the rap genre. And he would help them with their rapping careers. And then later on, like to pee on ladies.

[Brad Williams]

No, that was R. Kelly. Now we got to explain who R. Kelly is.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, R. Kelly. Now, they both start with an initial, but they're not the same, Although they have certain tendencies that commingle. I'll talk to you individually after the show. Sorry. One more story, Rudy.

[Rudy Povich]

All right, guys. So the Coldplay Kiss Cam scandal Woman emits a couple of high noons fueled embarrassing career ending moment. Kristen Cabot says viral moment with her boss, former astronomer CEO Andy Byron, at a Boston concert Completely altered her personal and professional life.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on, hold on. Somebody has delivered us.

[Rudy Povich]

Ah, was that you, bud?

[Adam Carolla]

Rudy and I got a shot glass of tequila, and Brad got a tumbler of tequila which is the same size as the shot glass.

[Brad Williams]

I was like, why are you handing me this swimming pool full of tequila? Do you expect me to just Scrooge McDuck into this?

[Adam Carolla]

It is funny that the toast is to your health.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So before my liver explodes, I'm going to announce to your health. Like, you should be doing that with a shot of wheat grass, not a shot tequila. All right, thank you, guys. Whoever.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Rudy Povich]

Thank you, guys. Appreciate you guys. Thank you very much.

[Rick Siddig]

Right on.

[Rudy Povich]

31 years of sobriety down the drain. Thank you, guys. Appreciate that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now let me tell you what's wrong with the Jews.

[Brad Williams]

I am surprised.

[Adam Carolla]

40 minutes or so. Hear me out. All right, one more story. What do we got?

[Rudy Povich]

All right, so Coldplay kiss cam scan. The woman admits couple of high noons fueled embarrassing career ending moments. Kristen Kabbatz has the viral moment with her boss, former astronomer CEO Andy Byron, at a Boston concert.

[Adam Carolla]

The kiss cam. You know what they should have done? They should have done. The reason that guy shot up Brown University and we don't know where he is is because he walked away from the crime. If he ran, he would have been tackled, Right?

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you get thrown up on a Kiss Cam and you're cheating and you try to duck behind a folding chair, you catch people's attention.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, you.

[Adam Carolla]

If you just keep it going or maybe even shoot a Winger. Great band, by the way. I never thought about the genius of Winger, but they must have got so many titty shots.

[Rick Siddig]

Oh, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

As opposed to the Wiggles or. Yeah, no, but I'm saying, like, if you name your band Winger, and it's also a popular 80s activity of showing titties at a rock concert. Yeah, you're gonna get 10 times more titties than Better than Ezra's.

[Brad Williams]

See, that was my mistake. I named my man Salty Nutsack.

[Adam Carolla]

Did not work. I thought of a good cover band. I thought two things. I thought of a better than Ezra cover band called Better than Better than Ezra. Yeah, but that would be a good cover band. And then with the new Sweet Caroline Neil diamond movie.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming out.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Just as Jimmy Kimmel's one. But I kneel. Diamond. Diamond cover band called Neil Cubic Zirconia. Wow.

[Brad Williams]

It's not the real one, but it's close enough. If you get drunk enough, it'll sound like the real one. Why?

[Adam Carolla]

He makes the big bucks. And that's why he's going to be the only citizen to ever be assassinated by the president. It usually goes the other way around.

[Rudy Povich]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But every once in a while, that. All right, what was the rest of this story? Sorry.

[Rudy Povich]

Basically, she's got a. A new. She's got a new interview that just came out with the New York Times saying that she took accountability, gave up her career. That is what I want my kids to know, that you can make a mistake, you can really screw up, but sometimes that is the price.

[Adam Carolla]

Davidson. Who is this?

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah, now, this is the gal from the Coldplay Kiss cam.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Rudy Povich]

Yeah, her and her husband. Although it did come up that she was married. She was officially separated from her husband the night of the concert. She formally filed for divorce on August 13, a little less than a month after the viral incident. To be honest, I'd rather get shot at Brown than go to a Coldplay concert. Is that. Maybe that's just me, but. So maybe a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Rudy Povich]

Little too early, a little too soon for this crowd. Okay. Sorry about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's true.

[Rudy Povich]

Brad.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, that. That guy pisses me off. Any guy who wears undersized T shirts and a scarf I hate so much. That's my. Listen, is it hot or is it cold? Hot or is it cold? Which is it? You have a scarf on and a miniature T shirt.

[Brad Williams]

Coldplay. Lenny Kravitz, Steven Tyler. You don't like these guys?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. I don't like that. I like bto. Big fat hairy guys from Canada. Like, that's. Who rocks that Winger. Yeah, that and nut sack. Yeah, side. Side. Enjoy that band. All right. I think we have a ugliest sweater competition.

[Rick Siddig]

We do.

[Brad Williams]

To do.

[Adam Carolla]

And we've also. We haven't told the ladies, just the men. But we are doing the ugliest wife competition. And many guys signed you up. Late, ladies. So there's, there's gonna be an.

[Brad Williams]

We're gonna have a Coldplay kiss cam of the winner. They're just gonna pop up.

[Rick Siddig]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

We have. We, we. We pre screened you for the ugliest sweater. Which, by the way, you know, I, I don't often agree with the terrorists, but they may be right in the sense that we got a lot of extra time and a lot of extra money if we're just picking out people with ugly sweaters.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, we've evolved as a society. We're no longer looking for clean water or shelter. We're looking at bad sweaters. Oh, do we have. We have it. Oh, we have Alex. Sorry.

[Rick Siddig]

Wait.

[Adam Carolla]

We have.

[Rudy Povich]

I believe that's our.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't written it.

[Rudy Povich]

I think that's third place. Second place.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sure. I would definitely be able to interpret this just by a bunch of names scrawled at the. The bottom of it says sweater, Alex, Zach, and Melissa. And then a word at the end that says dang or Doug or do or something. But Andrew, if you want me to do this, you have to kind of.

[Brad Williams]

It's Dave.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Dave. D, A V, E. But who. I don't know who won? No, you guys are going to judge it. We're going to judge. Yes, you're going to judge it. Let's bring Alex.

[Rudy Povich]

Let's bring Dave.

[Adam Carolla]

And just to the left of you. Okay. My apologies, Andrew. Now mad at Rudy.

[Brad Williams]

No, I'm.

[Rudy Povich]

No. Cuz they, they told me that we had places already, but I guess we didn't.

[Rick Siddig]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, buttons. Filled with buttons. We got ornaments. We got Adam Corolla ornaments. Brad Williams ornaments.

[Brad Williams]

I'm on there, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wow. This is amazing.

[Brad Williams]

That's incredible. And then. But, but this sweater is a game.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Oh, wow. Wow.

[Brad Williams]

That sweater is a game where you. Where you actually play darts and you throw.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so just for people living at home and listening at home, we have the sweater that's a game. It's. It's basically darts with ping pong balls and Velcro. Then we have the couple with the sweaters that has yours truly, Mother, son, Mother, son. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, that's good. Or it's weird. No, but I mean, it means you look very. What you do have when you're 14, 18. All right, listen, let's not judge. She was a. But you can't judge.

[Brad Williams]

See that? Yeah, she's from Van Nuys.

[Adam Carolla]

She's from Van Nuys. Where the Hawks turned across. Yeah. Yeah, we got a Sweater with a sweater on a sweater. A handmade earring sweater.

[Rick Siddig]

All right.

[Brad Williams]

Earrings have sweaters on them as well.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brad Williams]

This is like the, this is like the inception of ugly Christmas sweaters.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys turn around and show the audience all of what you got. And this is, this is strong. This is really.

[Brad Williams]

Wait, here's an additional. The guy with the. You throw velcro balls at. There's actually rules on the back of the sweater.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

And it's actually a drinking game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's, it's good.

[Brad Williams]

It's based on where you hit. It's a drinking game. Okay.

[Rudy Povich]

Dude's got a cannon for an arm over there.

[Rick Siddig]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Shell, now everybody. So I'm guessing Zach and. Oh, sorry. Melissa and Dave.

[Brad Williams]

Melissa.

[Adam Carolla]

Melissa and Dave.

[Rudy Povich]

You're Zach and Melissa.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Zach, Zach, bless Melissa. Right. And then Dave's Ryan. We could work this out, Dave. All right, let's let the audience do it. I'll put my hand up the ass of the person with this.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, he's going to turn each contestant into a Jeff Gunnam puppet.

[Rudy Povich]

Brad Pitts Cola.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's start with Alex. All right, all right, we got Alex, right?

[Rudy Povich]

Alex.

[Brad Williams]

Now what do you guys think? Yeah, he's got the game on his sweater.

[Rick Siddig]

All right.

[Brad Williams]

Solid, solid.

[Adam Carolla]

And now there's Dave. Right.

[Brad Williams]

Who sweater on sweater on sweater. Pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

And now there's Zach and Melissa.

[Rudy Povich]

That it was delightful. Loudest. But it wasn't the, it was the least enthusiastic. But I think look at how much effort you guys put in. Like, every single one of those bulbs has aces or Brad's face on them.

[Brad Williams]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's a lot of work. I, I, I, I'm thinking Zach and Melissa.

[Rudy Povich]

I think Zach and Melissa too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know who's number two. I'll go.

[Rudy Povich]

I would say number two is Dave with the dangly earring over there.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, the sweater on sweater.

[Adam Carolla]

Alex, you're number three. But there are no. Well, there's actually two losers. These guys won. All right, collect your booty. You guys were great. Thanks for the effort. Round of applause for all these guys. Thank you guys for coming out tonight. We do appreciate you. Thank Rudy Pavich for coming out, Brad Williams for coming out, and Rick Jack in the box to Dick for coming out. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla. Say it.

[Brad Williams]

Mahalo.

[Adam Carolla]

You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and be sure and get tickets to see the Ace man [e-mail]. With all the best movies. The holidays are brutal so if you're feeling frugal.

[Brad Williams]

Pluto TV for free stream blockbuster hits like 21 Jump Street Ted, the Expendables and so much more on Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV is free with all the best movies. The holidays are Pluto so if you're feeling frugal street Pluto TV stream Pluto TV stream Pluto TV for free stream.

[Brad Williams]

Blockbuster hits like 21 Jump Street Ted, the Expendables and so much more on Pluto TV stream now pay never.