Marc Silvestri + Iliza Shlesinger (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Summary of "The Adam Carolla Show - Episode: Marc Silvestri + Iliza Shlesinger (Carolla Classics)"

Release Date: February 7, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, titled "Marc Silvestri + Iliza Shlesinger (Carolla Classics)", host Adam Carolla welcomes guests Marc Silvestri and comedian Iliza Shlesinger. The discussion spans a wide range of topics, including personal anecdotes, insights into the entertainment industry, and critiques of modern communication and media consumption.

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Episode Highlights

1. Reflecting on Podcast Milestones

Timestamp: 03:02

Adam Carolla reminisces about the 3,000th episode of his podcast, highlighting memorable moments and expressing gratitude towards long-time listeners and contributors.

Adam Carolla [03:02]: "Jesus Christ. You blinked, where the hell did the time go."

2. Communication Breakdown in the Digital Age

Timestamp: 08:37

Adam delves into the irony of advanced communication technologies failing to facilitate effective human interaction. He shares a frustrating experience with Donnie's mom regarding unclear instructions about tree removal on his property.

Adam Carolla [08:37]: "As human beings, maybe we're in the 18 somethings."

3. Challenges with Terrestrial Radio vs. Internet Media

Timestamp: 14:05

The conversation shifts to the differences between traditional radio and internet-based media platforms. Adam discusses his struggles with phone interviews and highlights the flexibility and personalization offered by internet radio.

Brian Bishop [14:07]: "In the slammer."

4. News Highlights with Theresa Strasser

Timestamp: 38:24

Theresa Strasser presents a news segment about a heroic 12-year-old girl who thwarted an attempted rape using her iPod touch to call for help. The segment is both informative and infused with Adam and Brian's characteristic humor.

Therrera Strasser [38:24]: "This was a real fight."

5. Guest Interviews and Industry Insights

a. Iliza Shlesinger on Comedy and Personal Growth

Timestamp: 54:52

Iliza Shlesinger shares her experiences from Last Comic Standing and discusses the pressures of maintaining relevance in the comedy scene. She emphasizes the importance of having a specific deal and maintaining authenticity to avoid being exploited by show producers.

Iliza Shlesinger [54:56]: "It's a horrible... it's the baby boomers' fault that raised a generation of total fucking losers."

b. Marc Silvestri on Content Creation and Production

Timestamp: 123:02

Marc Silvestri discusses his role at Top Cow Productions, the evolution of comic book publishing, and the transition to digital media. He highlights the challenges of monetizing content in the digital age and the significance of maintaining creative control.

Marc Silvestri [123:35]: "Some of us left, seven started, four of us left. And Top Cow's still here."

c. Zach Johnson on Nerdcore Hip Hop and Niche Markets

Timestamp: 157:14

Zach Johnson explores the niche of nerdcore hip hop, its cultural significance, and the challenges of gaining mainstream acceptance. He underscores the importance of authenticity and catering to dedicated fan bases.

Zach Johnson [157:21]: "The MC humble conduit to nerdcore flow."

d. Jim Louderback on Internet Television Evolution

Timestamp: 103:03

Jim Louderback shares insights into the growth of internet television, the importance of personalized content, and the future of media consumption. He emphasizes the shift from traditional broadcasting to on-demand, customizable platforms.

Jim Louderback [103:03]: "We're building up internet, video, and television as a new medium."

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Key Discussions and Insights

1. The Paradox of Technology and Communication

Adam Carolla highlights the disconnect between technological advancements in communication and the actual improvement in human interaction. The anecdote about the tree removal serves as a metaphor for broader societal communication failures.

2. Evolution of Media Consumption

Guests emphasize the transition from traditional media platforms to internet-based services. The flexibility, personalization, and on-demand nature of internet media are lauded, while the impersonal and often frustrating aspects of terrestrial radio are critiqued.

3. Authenticity in Content Creation

Both Iliza and Marc stress the importance of maintaining authenticity in their respective fields. They discuss the challenges of creative control when dealing with larger production entities and the necessity of staying true to one's vision to avoid exploitation.

4. Niche Markets and Cultural Significance

Zach Johnson's exploration of nerdcore hip hop illustrates the viability and cultural importance of niche markets. He underscores how catering to specialized audiences can foster dedicated followings despite broader mainstream challenges.

5. Future of Internet Television

Jim Louderback discusses the integration of internet technology with traditional television, predicting a future where content is highly personalized and accessible across multiple devices. He envisions a seamless blend of media consumption where users have greater control over what they watch and how they access it.

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Conclusions

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show provides a multifaceted exploration of communication, media evolution, and authenticity in content creation. Through engaging discussions with Marc Silvestri and Iliza Shlesinger, Adam Carolla underscores the complexities of modern communication and the transformative impact of internet-based media platforms. The insights shared by the guests offer a deeper understanding of the challenges and opportunities within the entertainment industry, emphasizing the enduring importance of authenticity and niche audience engagement.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [08:37]: "As human beings, maybe we're in the 18 somethings."

• Iliza Shlesinger [54:56]: "It's a horrible... it's the baby boomers' fault that raised a generation of total fucking losers."

• Jim Louderback [103:03]: "We're building up internet, video, and television as a new medium."

• Zach Johnson [157:21]: "The MC humble conduit to nerdcore flow."

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key points, discussions, and insights from the episode while adhering to the guidelines of being rich, engaging, and structured with clear sections and notable quotes.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. If approved, applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit application subject.

[Donny]

To review and approval.

[Adam Carolla]

Learn [e-mail] partner NetCredit credit to the People.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm real superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips.

[Adam Carolla]

From all 15 years of the Adam Crolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics. You can find the ad free archives exclusively available through Adam Corolla substack. Make sure to check it out.

[Giovanni]

Adamcola.substack.com you get access to this show, the ACS and Adam Kolla's brand new.

[Adam Carolla]

Show Beat it out, currently featuring Jay Moore. And if you'd like to request a.

[Giovanni]

Clip, please email us classicsamcorolo.com now let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Get to the clips coming up.

[Giovanni]

First we have Adam Krolo show episode 3000 with Adam Waheed, Gina Grad and Brian Bishop.

[Adam Carolla]

This one's from 2021.

[Giovanni]

This is the premiere of a song.

[Adam Carolla]

About them hitting 3000 podcasts.

[Giovanni]

I partially inspired this one emailing Rich banks and Mike Lynch. They've been haunting me forever.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope you guys enjoy 3,000th episode of this podcast. Jesus Christ. You blink where the hell the time go. So thank you guys for all listening for all these years and turning people onto the show. Let's see, Brian's got a big bear trip to report on. We got a Rich bank song. We got some Dave Ramsey financial analyst guy blowback from him. I have thoughts. And why don't we start with the Rich bank song, Max Apata, which I don't even know what the theme is. The Cruise? The Crusade? No. The Crusaders? No. The Proclaimers. That's right. Well, you know there's gonna be, there's gonna be a brand new podcast there for you when you drive in. Yeah, you know he's gonna be, he's gonna be the voice who drives along with you when you get down where you know there's gonna be, there's gonna be a bit that he does just for you. And if you're angry, hey, you know there's gonna be, there's gonna be a man who's angry just like you. Cause he produced 1,000 pods and then he did 1,000 more. Oh, and didn' a thousand pods, 3,000 podcast score. When he's working, well, you know that's gonna be.

[Brian Bishop]

There's gonna be a lack.

[Adam Carolla]

He's screwing up some food. And when his money goes out to the government, you and how our Californians are screwed. When he comes home. When he comes home, you know there's gonna be. There's gonna be some drama with the kids and Phil and nanny old guy and, you know he's gonna drink. He's gonna drink that is distilled, and then he'll drop 1000 pods and then record 1000 more because he is a man who dropped 3000 pods that you don't pay for. Well, I want to thank Rich Banks and Mike lynch and superfan Giovanni for getting down on that song. Thank you guys very much. Got some Covid teacher thought.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Kulishow 3000 with a partial system superfan geo. Coming up next, we have Adam Kulishow 367, featuring Eliza Schlesinger, Teresa Strasser, and Brian bishop.

[Adam Carolla]

One's from 2010. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on, man. Date. Get it on. Good day, Ball, Brian. Hey, Adam, it's good to be here. I like to hear the end of that. Hey, Adam, it's good to be here. I'd like to take you out for an imported beer.

[Brian Bishop]

That was when Maya Angelou was on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

I think as a doof as I am, I. I believe that David Alan Grier could freestyle better Maya Angelou and at least be a tie. If I gave Maya Angelou, you know, let's say four months to prepare something, I think dad could freestyle it and do. Exactly. That's how much respect I have for poetry given a death row. Good morning, Teresa Strasser.

[Brian Bishop]

Good morning, Adam Caroll.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, quickly, our friends over at Stitcher. These guys are the cat's pajamas. Although. Or is it meow? Do they have pajamas and meows? Yeah. How do they get both cats get pajamas?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I don't know. They get the cat, bird seat and bees.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they have knees? I don't think they do.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they get in your bonnet?

[Adam Carolla]

They get in your bonnet with their knees. There's eager beavers. There's. There's drunk as a skunk. Now that's a cop out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No one's ever seen a drunken skunk.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Angie one time was no, but she.

[Adam Carolla]

No one ever went like, oh, man, did you see that family of skunk?

[Brian Bishop]

They were lit up like a Christmas tree.

[Adam Carolla]

That I. I mean, that's the one animal that it seems to be the soberest of all the animals.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But then there's also manatees kind of seem drunk, right?

[Brian Bishop]

No, you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

There are other animals that have a sort of drunken wobble to them.

[Brian Bishop]

Panda bear seem high.

[Adam Carolla]

They seem high because they sit and eat with their feet up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Mark Silvestri]

Huge gut on the ground.

[Brian Bishop]

They should be the mascot of.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're so high, they won't even screw.

[Brian Bishop]

They just sit around eating bamboo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. But skunks, they're nimble, light on their.

[Brian Bishop]

Feet, and maybe mean. I don't think of drunks as always being that mean.

[Mark Silvestri]

Judicious with their spray.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Mm. What are we talking about? Oh, yeah. Well, that's about it for Stitcher. That was over a minute. What are you talking about? Yeah, what you can do is it's called an app. You go to stitcher.com, do it on your iPhone, your BlackBerry, your Android, and Palm, and you can stream this show live. And it's free. Free. Win, win, people. Also, they got a little contest going on. You go to AdamStitcher.com for a chance to win an iPhone, 4.0, Android, or Palm Pre. It's all there. It's all free. What do you got to lose? Adamstitcher.com and load up that app.

[Brian Bishop]

I downloaded it today for free, and then I listened to your extra, because I didn't hear that during the show while I was.

[Adam Carolla]

I've had anal sex and I've passed.

[Brian Bishop]

And that was your Dr. Bruce. He was really interesting. I didn't know you could get a charley horse in your anus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And I mean, if you want to know that kind of thing, that level.

[Adam Carolla]

You knew that you would not know that if you did not download Stitcher and go to stitcher.com because we're providing extra bonus content.

[Brian Bishop]

It's exclusive to Stitcher.

[Adam Carolla]

And so far, I might add, that I think this stuff's been top shelf, rock solid. All right, I want to talk about something you guys. Tell me if this feels like it's true in your life and if we're going this way and what's going on. This involves Donnie's mom, who's my realtor, and then another guy who's a realtor. And in general, I don't know. I'm trying to put together a theory here, but we don't communicate. I feel like we're not communicating as we're not as good at communicating as the devices we've invented for communicating. For instance, the Cell phone and, you know, texting and twittering and emailing and all this stuff has grown by leaps and bounds. It's quantum leaps in the last 10 to 15 years. But yet, as human beings, maybe we're in the 18 somethings.

[Mark Silvestri]

It's like the golfer who has all the newest clubs and everything, but still hasn't worked on his game, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Got the Big Bertha, titanium driver, but yet shank it into the lake every time. So just riddle me this. And this happens all the time. I'm not passing judgment, but I can't figure out what the fuck is going on with everyone. I'm selling my other house. And the realtor, Donnie's mom got on the phone with me, along with some other realtor friend of hers, and said, you got to cut this. There's a tree down in front of the front window and it's blocking the view and it's got to come down. In my professional opinion, that's going to help sell this house. So I said, all right, well, there's two trees. There's one on one side of the window and the other is on the other side of the window. And I haven't been there in a long time, so which one is it? And they're like, well, I don't know what kind of tree it is. I said, well, one of them's a fruit tree. I think one of them's a nectarine tree, but I can't remember what the other tree is. And then There was a 10 minute conversation where I try to get real clear where I go, all right, if you're standing outside of the window looking back at it, would it be on your left or on your right? And of course, Donnie's mom said, it's the one to the west, which to me meant if you saw the house, you'd go, what the. You wouldn't know where the fuck you were. So I was like, no, but the left side. And she's like, yeah. And then I get on the phone with the guy and he's like, well, from the inside. And I'm like, all right, well, don't go to the inside. It's gonna get confusing. Would it be the one on the. If you're facing. So you know, 10 minutes before, you know, it's the kind of thing we don't want to amputate the wrong leg. If you're the doctor, sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Be sure that's the one with the tumor.

[Adam Carolla]

I could figure it out, except for I'm not planning on going over there. I'm Gonna dispatch Gary, who's a go man, but not the sharpest knife in the rack. And I'm going to tell him left or right, and I don't want him to do the wrong tree. As it was, this was yesterday afternoon. I got up in the morning and said, fuck it, I'm going over there with Gary because I'm just not sure exactly which one to cut. They weren't double talking and I was fairly sure it was the one on the left, but I decided to go check it out myself. To my surprise, the one tree which was the aforementioned nectarine tree had 800 to 1200 huge red baboon ass looking nectarines. I mean, this thing was littered, littered with nectarines and the ruby red. And it's like somebody took a tree and hung a thousand bright red Christmas ornaments on it. And then the other tree was like some kind of pecan tree that had nary a thing on it other than a leaf. At some point when I was saying, well, one of them is a nectarine tree, I don't know what the other tree is, which tree is it? Somebody could have said, it's not the fucking one that has 10,000 balls of fruit hanging from it. Like it was real easy. One of them was literally painted red with like, it'd be like someone taking huge tomatoes and hanging it all over one tree and not having one on the other tree and then going, well, it's toward the west if you're facing that let you just go, not the one with the fruit hanging all over it. They were standing there.

[Brian Bishop]

I cannot figure that one out.

[Adam Carolla]

People do this all God damn day. This is two smart adults who are educated and they're standing there. They're literally standing there holding a cell phone describing to me. And I said, one of them is a nectarine tree. And they're like, well, I don't know. It's littered with nectarines. There's like 5,000 fucking nectarines on the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

What other red balls of fleshy fruit would be on this? I don't know, maybe they're nectarines or whatever.

[Mark Silvestri]

Is this similar to yesterday with the methadone meth thing where someone didn't want to admit maybe they didn't know what a nectarine was? Nectarine is not the most common fruit.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. But if you're from out here, you should know what it is. But I just said fruit tree. I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

They were standing. They were at the house talking to you. You looking at the trees?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's okay, I don't know, it's really.

[Adam Carolla]

Confusing because what you do in your mind is you go, obviously there's no nectarines on the one tree, because I said one's a fruit tree and I don't know what the other tree is. And it'd be very easy deductive reasoning and math to go, well, it's not this tree. It's not the one with the fruit on it. So it's definitely the other one. I mean, in their defense, they still said the one on the left and the one facing west and blah, blah, blah. And we still had to go and circle for a couple of beads. But one thing was littered with bright red bulbs.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's. I don't know if this is germane to the nectarine point, but I have a lot of trouble on the phone because I think a lot of communication is something physical expressions, phrasing with your, you know, I'm reading, you know, Brian's phrasing when he's just gesticulating or whatever or his expression. I have a lot of trouble. This is why I avoid phone conversations, because I feel literally. I literally feel impaired. Right. I don't know what the person is really thinking and I can't understand whether or not they're joking.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe you need the eye contact. Maybe, like, everyone's Italian.

[Mark Silvestri]

That's why you should avoid doing if you're a job seeker, why you should avoid doing job interviews over the phone. Much better off seeing person meeting Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

In fact, I actually asked for a do over. I had a job, which rarely happens really in this business, but I had an interview over the phone.

[Adam Carolla]

You took a mulligan with your job interview.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not even kidding with the executive producer at Dr. Phil. And I knew beforehand this is gonna go poorly because if I'm not there in the room and if I can't read the person, what kind of thing they might like me to talk about. Just look at what's in their office and what they're wearing, their expressions. I'm gonna suck. And sure enough, Feedback was not really feeling you. And then I begged my agent, just get me in her office for 15 minutes and I can fix this. And then sure enough, are you effing stupid, stupid Dr. Phil thought I was. No. Then I ended up doing the show a whole bunch of times. It was great, but I knew that I was not able to come across over the phone.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a few things, and I guess it's true, some people are better than others. And, you know, the cell phone reception and there's a Lot of mitigating factors. I'm just saying. When I got there this morning and stood under the bright red baboon ash tree and then looked at the other sparse one that had nothing on it, I thought, why not just say that?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's an hour of your life or more you'll not get back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. Anyway, I would complain more about it, Brian. I feel like you should push something, but that's all I do. Ding. That's all. My whole life is just one big. That's all.

[Brian Bishop]

Trouble communicating with everyone in your world.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I just had this conversation with Donnie earlier today. You know, we're going out to Comic Con and. Yeah, good times. Those are my people.

[Mark Silvestri]

And I think Comic Con.

[Adam Carolla]

You think Ace, man. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, we're gonna be streaming it thanks to our good friends over at Stick Cam. So you can check it [e-mail] by the way. 4pm starting today. So we're gonna be over in San Diego doing our Comic Con thing. And again, AdamCarolla.com or you can go to stick. Stickcam.com AdamCarolla what was the time? 4pm okay. All right. So that is Thursday, I should say, for the people that are listening and might be confused. I said to Donnie, I said, so what's going on over there? We doing the show over there? And he said, nah, you're just, you're just, you're just streaming the show. And I said, netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit.

[Donny]

Applications subject to review and approval.

[Adam Carolla]

Learn [e-mail] partners netcredit credit to the people. Well, good. Why don't we record it on Thursday and you know, use it, use it for air on Friday. Because a lot of people been beefing about our sort of cobbled together best of shows on Friday. Oh, really? They don't? Well, it's like, hey, I already heard that shit during the week.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And listen, I can dig it. On the other hand, you know, give us a minute here. We're trying to get our shit together.

[Brian Bishop]

It's fine tuning. But you know what, I see the point because, because a best of, of a four hour show is different than a best of of an hour and a half show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's likely that you would have missed some things of a four hour show, but maybe you heard. Already heard the whole hour and a half.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And the way people listen, it's not the same as radio where they listen to 20 minutes here and 18 minutes there. They listen to the whole 90 minutes. And thus, God bless them, they've heard the show.

[Mark Silvestri]

So sorry, a couple things to considered. First of all, these are usually in the. These end of the week best of shows are very highly rated. They're in the top 10 of iTunes. And we're attracting a lot of the new listeners. Being a new podcast, people like to sort of get a sampler of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm all for it, but there's a vocal minority who complains quite a bit about it. And we hear what you have to say. So Donnie and I, earlier in the week were talking about, you know, eventually going to five days and making the move and blah, blah, blah. So I said to Donnie over the phone today, I said, listen, why don't we just record Thursday's show over at Comic Con and we'll run it as a Friday show. It'll be a little bonus content. And we won't, you know, we'll have a fresh show for him on Friday, what they've been complaining about. And he said, we already have a show for Friday. And I said, we do. And he said, yeah. And I said, what show do we have for Friday? And he said, the best of show. And I said, yeah, I. I know that part, but now I could have just said, oh, okay, and hung up at that point. I know we have the best of show. That's what we're. People are complaining about. In lieu of that, we could offer this show. We don't have a show. We're gonna build a show for Friday that we don't have. But I go through my life doing that essentially, and everyone eventually says, well, look, if it happens to you enough, then it's your fault. I still kind of refuse to believe that the best of show and the Nectarine Tree is my fault. But that's my lot in life. I understand it. I've now accepted it. And I'm gracefully gonna bow out by killing myself every time.

[Brian Bishop]

That's really your only.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the only alternative.

[Brian Bishop]

But what else are you gonna do? Just bang your head against the wall every day?

[Adam Carolla]

Every single day.

[Brian Bishop]

But what if it's only Mizrahis?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I got Mike. No, it's not everybody. It's never Kevin Hench, but it's always Mike August, my James Dixon. I have the same kind. It's the Same. Same usual suspects. But I have enough of them in my life that it'll do it. I mean, and again, there's a. It's not. It's. It's not limited to Mizrahi's.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Right. And it's people, you. Other. Otherwise really like.

[Adam Carolla]

I like them even when they do this, I just realize it slows. It slows things down a little bit.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all. To keep. You have to keep. You have to keep asking more questions. What show do we have for Friday? I don't remember doing a best of. Or I don't remember doing an extra show for Friday. No, we got the. Like. It's like, I have to keep doing. Keep. It's a laugh.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm frankly still confused about this Comic Con thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Comic Con.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I know what Comic Con is.

[Mark Silvestri]

You would be very popular down there.

[Adam Carolla]

Comic Con.

[Brian Bishop]

That'd be the one place. Or could I be the Cindy Crawford of.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone has just said, fuck it. It's like, if Priest started showing up at Tail Hook, it's like, where they just went. You know, they condemned it. And then eventually they went, it's so fucking big. We gotta have a presence over there. We're gonna get a booth.

[Brian Bishop]

I love the fact that it's nerd power. And if the early word on something amongst the nerds is good, it spreads and that thing becomes wildly popular.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, think about the nerds. They're. They're almost like the gays.

[Brian Bishop]

They've inherited the earth.

[Adam Carolla]

They have. They have money.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

They have extra. Was it discretionary.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Disposable income.

[Adam Carolla]

Income.

[Mark Silvestri]

They're not wasting.

[Adam Carolla]

Discretionary income. More disposable.

[Brian Bishop]

Similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're not squandering their money on condoms and roofies. You know what I mean? Right.

[Mark Silvestri]

Maybe roofies, but not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Or like, you know, expensive dates. I mean, I heard Tom Lykis.

[Adam Carolla]

Expensive suits. Expensive dates. You know what I mean? And also. But in general, like, the gays, they're probably more educated, more discerning. They're more discerning. They're a little more focused. Like, again, they're not shitting out a bunch of kids and, you know, behind on the mortgage and blah, blah, blah. They're doing. I mean, think about the nerd. That's an upscale dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right there. And it's really a lot of parallels with the gay. Don't have to worry about the crime. They're not violent. You know what I mean? They're conscientious. Like, you know, they recycle. They Kind of take care of stuff. They're not. They're not what you call. They're not part of the problem. They make their money and pay their taxes. There's not. Oh, you know that nerd down the street with the nine kids who chain smokes and drinks pretty heavily and beats the crap out of his old lady. And then I heard he got another chick pregnant. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

I'll do you one more. It's not just that they aren't taxing some society. They're shrinking our microprocessors and they're coming up with vaccines.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, they're.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys should reward them by throwing a little pussy their way every once in a while. Although, you know my theory, once you do that, the edge is gone from the nerd. Yeah. And then they ain't working on the vaccines anymore.

[Mark Silvestri]

I don't know why I thought. I just thought of this. Remember Rachel Perry thought nerds were hot?

[Jim Louderback]

Nerds are hot.

[Mark Silvestri]

Well, Rachel, if you knew a nerd.

[Adam Carolla]

All hot, that's another thing hot chicks have to say. Nerds are hot.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Lorenzo Lamas pulls up on his hog wearing no shirt under suede vest and takes them off up in the hills.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure. They also have to say they, like, you know, any size guy. Hey, listen, until you've dated Steve Agee, shut up, all right? I put my vagina where my mouth is. Wait, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, no. Look, they say things like. They like kind eyes and things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me see a lineup of all the guys you've dated, and I'll tell you what you're into.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? Also, by the way, quick shout out. There's a little show coming up in Pasadena out here in California, the SEMA show and Shine. So that's coming up in pasadena. That is July 24th. That is Saturday. That is this Saturday, July 24th. So if you like hot rods and you're in Pasadena area, go check that out. Also, go to my PC. Go to my PC dot com. Boy, I don't know how. And it's called Go to my PC, but it could be called Go to my Mac as well. It works on Mac, it works on PC. You can do two computers. And to me, if you need more than two computers, you can add them, but, boy, you've arrived. If you need, go to my PC on more than two computers. You do your work computer, do your home computer work from your home, work from vacation, work from a cafe. Don't get in line with the commute and the whole nine yards. These guys are awesome. You get a 45 day free trial. Go to my PC.com and use the promo code, Adam. It's that simple. 45 days free and they think. Nay, they know you're gonna love it. All right, T. Am I missing anything? No. Ah, ah. Quick man grate.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man. Grateful.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not a day without man grape.

[Adam Carolla]

100% American made. Cast iron. And again, I know many of you have heard me talk about this a billion times now. So what are you waiting for? Go out and get it. It's a great. It's just a solid, a Sears product. And the other thing is, it's the kind of thing that you could literally will to your children. It's not going anywhere. It is a. It is a sewer hole cover. Is a manhole cover. It's a man great. Like, it's not the kind of thing where. Well, what happened to your man grade? Well, you know, those things are good for two summers and then you wear them out. They're not underpants or tube socks. This is the kind of thing you give to your kid and then you give to your kid's kid. And you can leave it out in the yard. It can't be stolen. You need a pallet jack, a forklift and a cherry picker.

[Mark Silvestri]

Better be. Better get more than once. The kids don't fight over it when you're gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's true. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't want to cause that dissension in the family. You know what I like? The times are tough. And instead of replacing your whole grill, which is expensive, this is actually a quite reasonably price priced item. It just enhances the grill you already have.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice upgrade. And you can go to AdamCarolla.com and again, support our sponsors. All right, T?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. Another weird thing that happened while I was talking to Donnie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Today. Or I don't call it communicating with Donnie. I was. He said to me out of the blue, he said, hey, man, you should give Seth MacFarlane a call. Heard his mom just passed away. And I said, oh, wow, sad. Yeah, I'll do that. And then. And you can ask Donnie. Donna probably shit on the story by expanding the time longer than it was. But I would say less than five minutes later, there was a call on the other line and that was Seth MacFarlane. Donnie didn't bat an eye, by the way. I said, Donnie said, you should call Seth MacFarlane. I heard his mom just passed away. And then less than five minutes later, I said, hold on, There's a call on the other line. And I said, hello? And he said, hey, Adam, it's Seth. And I said, oh, hold on, let me get rid of Donny. And then I went back to Donnie. I said, hey, Donnie, it's Seth MacFarlane on the line. And he said, oh, all right, well, call me later.

[Brian Bishop]

Unfazed.

[Adam Carolla]

Completely unfazed. But then I talked to Seth. Someone grabbed Donnie and tried to find out. Now, Donnie. I'll say it was four hours because he looks. I had called Seth. Like, the weird thing is I called Seth maybe 10 days to two weeks earlier, and he never got back to me. And now I know why. Because his mom was. I die. You know, she was. Was in hospice care and blah, blah. You know, that's. That's my timing. I probably called him the second. Yeah, I was in the back. You gotta. How long. When you said to me. When you said. When we were speaking earlier today and you said, give Seth MacFarlane a call, I heard his mom just passed away. It was like 30 or 60 seconds. Boom. Wow, Johnny, stepping on the story. Good man. All right. Yeah. I mean, I said five minutes, but it was right there. It's like, Seth MacFarlane. Boom. On the other. I talk to Seth MacFarlane over the phone. And you. And twice a year. You and Seth don't believe in a higher power, though. No, that is. I do. Seth should. He's. The guy didn't get on the flight that went into the first tower out of. Out of Logan. Yeah, Crazy. Fucking crazy, right? Anyway, sad. His mom passed at 63. And you know what I said to him? I said, seth, let's talk about me getting on Fox, doing something anime that'll.

[Brian Bishop]

Get your mind off your grief. You know what? That's one of the ways to get out of your own grief.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I said. I said, seth, I watch these bios religiously. I love to see everyone's bio, all the celebrities, anybody's bio. I'm so interested in the journey. I love that, you know, Shania Twain, I don't give a shit. It doesn't matter. I'm interested in the journey. And so many of these guys have these stories where their dad died when they were 13 or their dad died when they were 4. And it's so. It's like Jackie Gleason's dad never knew what. That he turned into the great one, you know? And once in a while, for some reason, it's always sadder in sports when you find out the guy's dad, Babe Ruth's dad died or something, you know, and she probably thought Babe Ruth was going to be a pipe fitter and literally, you know, the Sultan of Swing. But they never hung around. Somehow the sports, when the guy's a Super bowl, when the guy makes it to the super bowl, but dad kicked off when he was in high school. That always feels so sad. And I said, seth, you know, your mom was around to see you and to see the wild success you had, that had to feel good. And by the way, it's probably downhill from here. Couple DUIs, you know, just playing the odds, ending up on Celebrity Rehab, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're not gonna get way too big. You're not gonna do any better than this.

[Brian Bishop]

And didn't he come in with his sister once? She was just as sweet as she could be, if I recall. They're both like singers, they're both in.

[Adam Carolla]

Musical theater, musical background. Yeah, they're both awesome. The other thing I don't really want to admit, but I shall. We're going out to San Diego, gonna play the House of Blues over there. And I'd been Talking to Joel McHale, who is, you know, going into a second season of Community. And he's got movies coming out and he's going. Last time I spoke to him, I'm like, oh, boy, we just got back from. Let's see, we just did three shows at a club and a mini mall outside of Portland. And so taxing. And he's like, yeah, I'm playing Madison Square Garden, you know, next. You know, actually what happened was, is we're talking about New York. And I said, I'm going to be in New York, I think the first week in November, my book's coming out, which, by the way, you can pre order, and if you do, there'll be a little bonus in it for you. And we can come out on the charts of New York Times bestseller list, which would be awesome for me because I'm illiterate. So please go AdamCarollet.com and check that out. But I said, oh, I'm going to be in New York. And he said, you're gonna be in New York? I said, what are you. What are you doing in New York? And he said, I'm playing Carnegie Hall. And he said, what are you doing in New York? And I said, I'm gonna be at Caroline's. And I thought, fuck. Cause my place holds 211 people and his place holds 3,000 people.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just, you know, it's Carnegie Hall.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Carnegie, historic fucking Hall. And I love the guy so much. He's such a mensch. But I would be jealous if he wasn't such a great meteoric rise.

[Brian Bishop]

Since the morning show days, I'm playing.

[Adam Carolla]

A club in a basement, and he's playing Carnegie Hall. So he tweets the other day, he says, hey, I'm playing. I'm gonna be at Humphreys in San Diego on Friday night and gonna be at Comic Con on Saturday. So I call him today and I say. I remember thinking myself Humphrey, because we're playing the House of Blues. So he's playing a club out there. Humphreys sounds like, you know, sounds like a comedy club. So he's doing a club out there. We're doing a house of Blues. Aha. Turnabout is fair play. And so I called him today and I said, hey, we're gonna be out in San Diego. You're gonna be out in San Diego. You know, we get together, have a beer, or maybe you can come out to our show. We're playing the House of Blues. I haven't heard of this. Humphries. I heard you playing Humphreys. And he's like, oh, it's an amphitheater.

[Jim Louderback]

You are the dumbest person alive.

[Adam Carolla]

What is wrong with you? Really? People's. Oh, it's like 1300. We're doing two shows.

[Brian Bishop]

Your mind became a house of blues.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a hermaphrodite.

[Brian Bishop]

Every house I'm in is a house of blues.

[Adam Carolla]

It was my fault for feeling good about myself for 12 seconds. I really shouldn't have done that. My parents taught me over and over again, never do it. Never feel good about yourself, not even for a fleeting moment. Hell, yeah. You're gonna get burned otherwise. And that was it. I had not heard of Humphreys. The amphitheater on the water.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember when he was just trying to make enough money to build his family a pool?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And he would come to our show every week and bring his clips.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. God love.

[Brian Bishop]

Make fun of his shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

And now look, Greatest fucking guy on the planet.

[Mark Silvestri]

I'm glad you brought that up, because it reminded me we should compile a list for the amusement of our audience. Guys that Jack Silver hated.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

Jack didn't like Joel.

[Mark Silvestri]

Jack would always tell Joel to keep it. First of all, didn't like him on so much. Zach, keep it quick. Move out of the studio. We gotta get better kids in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Joe. Well, here's the whole thing.

[Mark Silvestri]

Number two, Zach Galifianakis didn't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Silvestri]

Hottest name in Comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Al Jolson was number three. A young Al. Yeah, well, look, I mean, I've been in radio. Jimmy and I weren't supposed to. We weren't any good together. They didn't allow us on the air together. I was told by, I think Silver's predecessor, to be fair to Jack Silver, that Jimmy wasn't an on air type. Jimmy was a behind the scenes type. These are program directors, people, they have to come up with an opinion. They can't just say, I don't know, because then it's hard to justify their salary. So they take a stand. But it's usually a retarded and lame one. And it's sort of random like, hey, we should limit Joel McHale to once every other week. Not once every week. It's a little burnt out. It's a little much on Joel McHale. It's just shit like that. Then you always kind of look around going, what's wrong with my antenna? I think the guy's funny. And he does an eight minute segment once a week. I feel like too much Joel McHale.

[Mark Silvestri]

But Joel McHale and Zach Galifianakis, those are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Silvestri]

That's just over two. That's a spectacular over two.

[Adam Carolla]

Two guys are too big to do our show.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

We only wish we could have too much Joel McHale.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Where the F was I? Anyway, great guy and I'll hopefully be able to catch him. I just advertised for a show. He's Gonna sell another 200 tickets now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he really needs our help.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of people listening going, oh, I was gonna catch Corolla, but Joel's gonna be in town on Friday. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And you know, on top of that, when he did Last for Bald Brian, he was great. And also for some reason, he worked it in organically to lift his T shirt and show his washboard abs to the crowd. And I thought, really, you're going to be that funny and that good looking?

[Adam Carolla]

So sad. By the way, his go out on tour and dig a pool in his backyard. Called him three weeks ago or fourth of July or whatever. His wife answered the phone, Sarah spoke to her for 20 minutes, asked her about the pool, scrubbed the mission.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Nice job, LA County. Once again, it's the exact same thing that I say all the time that is happening with businesses, which is, go ahead, create a whole bunch of tariffs and taxes, create a whole bunch of hoops to jump through on. On paper, it's a great plan. Hey, Department of Building Safety, we're going to rape every motherfucker who comes through the door. This is going to be awesome. It's awesome. Except for when the plant moves to Texas. Except for when Joel mchale says, you know what? Fuck it, I don't need the pool that badly. I'll go to my gay neighbors. Maybe said too much. The point is this. Next story. Next. The point is this. He has now decided not to dig the pool because it's too fucking expensive. The city, the permits, the soils reports, the engineering, all the shit I've been screaming about. So who doesn't get a penny? Architect. Doesn't get any money. Engineer. No money city. Ironically, you fuck wads have basically priced yourself out of a fucking check. But the contractors don't get the money. The guys who run the gunite rigs, the guys who sell the concrete, the guys who run the bobcats dig it. The guys who do the forming work, all the people. Look at the fucking chain, the daisy chain, or the pyramid of people that would have been in for a taste of Joel McHale's $100,000 pool. Except for it's a 250. It's $250,000 fucking pool because of all the work and permits and all the bullshit that's involved. So you know what they've said? Fuck it, we'll go to our neighbor's house. That's what's going on with our economy. And you ass wipes that want Joel mchale to pay a little bit more for his pool. Oh, come on. This guy does amphitheaters. This guy, he's playing carnegie hall. He's got enough money. He may be a card carrying nambla member and he may have enough money, but at a certain point, him and his wife say, you know what? I need to have a special bra made for men. I don't care how much money I have. I'm not gonna buy a pool that costs $250,000.

[Brian Bishop]

But you're right, it does infuse a lot of cash into the economy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Some contractor is now out quite a bit of cash because the contractor.

[Brian Bishop]

The laborers that they hire, the people who manufacture the goods that are used.

[Adam Carolla]

He was hell bent on putting a pool in his backyard. He makes plenty of money. And even he said fuck it. So imagine a guy who's not pulling down that kind of coin. Just a regular guy who wants to just add an addition onto his backyard in l. A. No wonder the fucking contractors are all out of work. No wonder. If you drive by Home Depot, there's 80 Mexicans all fucking stacked on each other's shoulders on a unicycle, just sitting out front waiting to jump into anyone's car to get half a day's work in. Nice job, everyone. Let's keep it going. Let's keep raising those taxes. Awesome fucking plan, you retards. All right. Sorry, T. Should we start some news?

[Brian Bishop]

I'd like that.

[Jim Louderback]

From the International news center next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Theresa Strasser.

[Brian Bishop]

Now bear with me. This may be a little bit of an adventure as the wi fi has gone down here at the podcast center. So I will be doing much of this news from my iPhone. Thank you, abc.com app okay, this is an interesting story. I don't know if you heard about it. A girl, 12 years old is being called a hero. She used her ipod to prevent a rape after an attacker took her phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Unless she threw it at someone's head and rendered him unconscious. I'm tired of the hero. Calling 911 is not OMG. Yeah, calling 911 doesn't make you a hero. I want somebody to take somebody down with the phone.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a Naomi Campbell style.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Russell Crowe style.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, this gal was left alone with her mother's ex boyfriend. Generally a bad idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

She had no access to a telephone. 12 year old in Minnesota.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, horny jilted dude, could you watch my raise your daughter for a while?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Angry rejected guy. According to police, on the night of July 10, Raymond Sessmott, 42, confiscated the girl's cell phone after an attempted attack and told her to leave open the door to her bedroom. But when he left the room for a few minutes, the tech savvy tween used her ipod touch, which is an MP3 player with Internet access, to call for help.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

She went on to Facebook.

[Adam Carolla]

She should have downloaded Stitcher for free so she could stream the show and.

[Brian Bishop]

At least like, sort of pass the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Take your mind off the raping, double.

[Brian Bishop]

The pain, make it even worse. No, sometimes if you have a pain and you like, just, you know, you want something, like scratch you somewhere else. Yeah, move it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

So move it to your ears. She used her ipod touch to quickly open her Facebook page and look for friends that were online. She messaged the guy's daughter, the guy who was fixing to attack her, and asked her to contact the girl's mother.

[Adam Carolla]

She was like, not again.

[Brian Bishop]

Dad is always raping his ex girlfriend's 12 year old daughters. Yeah, and today's no different. Yeah, well, just as the girl was sending that message. The defendant came back in the room naked and got on top of her, according to the police complaint. This time he got her shorts off, she said. The juvenile stated that she was kicking at the defendant, scratching him, and telling him that she hated him. He was later arrested. And while in car.

[Adam Carolla]

The kicking and scratching basically does the I hate you part. That's the. We'll do the math on the I hate you.

[Mark Silvestri]

Just the tampering, disabling and destroying smoke detector.

[Adam Carolla]

We got it. We heard you with disable.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he was arrested, but again, according to police, he was able to molest the girl with his hand. But the young girl kept fighting, throwing books from her shelf at the defendant's face, scratching him as much as she could. She was able to draw blood.

[Adam Carolla]

Not getting raped for Dummies, ironically, was one of the first books, One of the first ones she hurled at.

[Brian Bishop]

The idiot's guide to not getting raped by your mom's ex.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of grass in the art of not getting raped by your by your mom's ex.

[Brian Bishop]

Chicken soup of the not getting raped soul.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm out.

[Brian Bishop]

Eat.

[Adam Carolla]

I only got three bucks.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't get raped. Okay. Oh, yeah, there you go. He said to her, I will use you whenever I want. Before leaving the room again. According to the account the girl gave police, figuring he might try a third time, the quick thinking girl pushed her dresser in front of the door, climbed out her bedroom window, and ran to a nearby gas station. Now, I like this girl. She kicked, she fought, she screamed, she said, I hate you. And then she moved the dresser in front of the door and climbed out the window.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not a past victim.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, right, exactly. Because if she had been, she might think in some way this is just what happens to me.

[Adam Carolla]

She would have frozen up and gone somewhere else in her mind.

[Brian Bishop]

And I think you'll like how this story ends.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a fighter. I like her.

[Brian Bishop]

Me too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The girl's bed clothes were covered in blood. I mean, this was. This was a real fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we. Can we take this guy?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I think you're gonna like.

[Adam Carolla]

How he's gonna do six years and then he's getting out, and then What? He's. He's 37. You know what I mean? He'll be 43. Like, is it now he's realized rape's a bad thing? Like, what can we do to him?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, here's what he did to himself.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he killed himself? Yep. Awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

In the slammer.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, why do we work so hard to prevent prisoners from killing themselves?

[Adam Carolla]

That I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

But then we also elect to execute.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's. Let's. A few less electric chairs and a few more. Go ahead and keep those shoelaces. Why not? You want those shoelaces? Yeah. And that belt.

[Brian Bishop]

You can keep them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can't sit. Nice belt is one of those reversible ones I like. One that has four different colors of leather. It's a big square. Clunk, clunk. Yeah, keep the belt, keep the shoelaces. We can drop some NyQuil off if you like.

[Brian Bishop]

And, you know, little cyanide.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we gave you a nice. There's a nice. There's a nice rack there you can hang things off of. There you go. All right, Good, good. He killed himself. Fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, a lot of your fans brought this story to my attention via Twitter and the aforementioned Facebook. United was trying to avoid airlines, was trying to avoid storms, but not everyone fastened their seatbelts. You know what happened? Turbulence struck Flight 967, and 21 people were taken to Denver area hospitals.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, what percentage of those people really needed to go to the hospital?

[Brian Bishop]

There were some serious injuries, right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not 21.

[Brian Bishop]

The plane hit a downdraft flying over Kansas, throwing people around the cabin if they weren't wearing their seatbelts. The plane was headed to LA from Dulles, diverted to Denver so the injured could get medical help.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? And I imagine people Twitter do that to shut me the fuck up when I complain about this stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

I think they just think it's funny that you've been complaining about the turbulence psas that nobody ever really gets hurt and then finds people got hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me say this. My complaint was not with the fact that people should wear their seatbelt while they're flying because of unexpected turbulence. My complaint was there's a placard that lights up that the pilot flips on when you hit anything close to turbulence. And they have an itchy placard finger and they toss it on all the time. Now these people. And there's always going to be a percentage. There's going to be on a flight that has a couple hundred people, maybe 300 people, if 10% of those people are sleeping, if 10% of those people are watching a movie and have their Bose noise canceling headphones, there's always going to be a percentage of those people that ignore the placard, the fucking PSA that They heard at 4am on my radio station six months ago. Is not going to help that process if they're ignoring the placard, they're ignoring the placard. Same with the cars. Click it. Or ticket. There's a fucking chime that goes off when you turn your ignition that. That will not stop until you take the male end of the seatbelt and put it in the female. And thus it is a waste of time. That's my argument.

[Mark Silvestri]

Not so much the message, just the resources wasted on delivering said message.

[Adam Carolla]

It's two parts, really. It's not only the resources wasted on a message that the pilot delivers over and over and over again and the stewardess or the flight attendants or wherever. But how many people die every year doing this versus the commercial was awesome because it had rollerblading and childbirth and bad food. And football. It had football. How many people have died through turbulence in the last 10 years versus high school football? Just on the high school level. Which one? So the examples they're using, there's more corpses and then again, childbirth. Are you fucking guys nuts? People die giving birth all the time anyway. It's just another fucking ad council waste of money.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, this is perfect. This is a perfect segue into our next story, which is about somebody who did die giving birth. And it's also about karma, and it's also about something you've been screaming about a lot lately, which is sometimes people's attitude towards doing their job they're paid to do is less than admirable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, in this case, it's the most incredible karmic retribution. I believe people usually get. Get what's coming, but not in my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, lower. And my complaint is the lower end, guys.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a chapter in my book called We've Built a Minimum wage Gilded Cage. And that's basically just us surrounding ourselves with $9 an hour ass wipes with windbreakers on who fucking destroy our lives. Most parking people. Most security people. Most everyone. We just. We paid everyone. We've anointed them with some power, and now they're all fucking with us. And it wouldn't fly in the past.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, I'm gonna go one step up in pay grade and talk about a pair of EMT dispatchers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Not much, but yes.

[Brian Bishop]

They were out at some sort of diner and a woman had started having seizures. And the EMT pair, they were at a coffee shop and they said that they were on a break right now and to call 911. This woman was six months pregnant and having seizures.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

But they said this is break time and sorry, no Deal. Sir, Sir, Ma'am, I'm sure there's some of that. Sir, Sir, Sir, I'm on a break. You're gonna have to call. Ma'am, call 911.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna have to ask you. Go ahead. Step away from my lentil soup, please.

[Brian Bishop]

Sir, I wasn't there, but I can only assume that there was some of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, sure, I'm gonna have to ask you put down the pepper mill okay. For me right now.

[Mark Silvestri]

What do you mean? I said they were on a break. Did someone say, hey, your EMT dispatchers do something?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Were they EMTs?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there were two EMTs.

[Adam Carolla]

Emergency Medical Technicians.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. And they.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also electric magnetic tubing, like for all the electricians out there. It's rigid tubing, I don't think. Rigid conduit. No, no, no. Rigid conduit fans out there. So someone says EMT to me. That's what I think.

[Brian Bishop]

But anyway, There's Jason Green, 32. This was in Jackson Heights, Queens. And he has since been the target of a criminal probe. But I'll get to him in a minute. He was with his girlfriend, Melissa Jackson, 23, also an EMT. And allegedly they refused to help Uticia Renix, 25, who had suffered a seizure now during their break at a coffee shop.

[Adam Carolla]

So did we figure out how people. They were in their uniform or I.

[Brian Bishop]

Assume they were in their uniform and.

[Adam Carolla]

I would guess like off duty cops are required to carry a piece, right? And by the way, a good thing because you hear these stories all the time where someone tried to rob the liquor store and off duty cop was there and blah, blah, blah. I would imagine the same thing goes with EMTs. Like you're never off the clock. Like a cop is never really off the clock.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Be the same way with like firemen and EMTs and things like that, right?

[Mark Silvestri]

We say EMT. I mean like ambulance driver. Like they really what they are.

[Brian Bishop]

They worked out of emergency medical technique. They can do cpr, they can stabilize.

[Adam Carolla]

They're licensed, in other words.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. They're trained. Sorry. This was actually an abompain downtown Brooklyn.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

And they were working out of the fire department headquarters. So this woman was six months pregnant. The baby was delivered at a hospital, but died two hours later. She left behind a three year old son.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Brian Bishop]

The woman who died.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the baby died and she died.

[Brian Bishop]

Or the baby died and she died.

[Adam Carolla]

They both died. Right, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

They both died.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

And leaving a three year old orphaned. So these two EMTs were suspended for a month without pay after the woman died.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Can't pay them.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Although we do suspend a lot of people with pay, which happened to me once. It was a greatest 10 months of my life. And anyone out there would like to suspend me with pay. I'm all ears. I would love to be suspended with pay.

[Brian Bishop]

Jason Green, after being accused of ignoring this dying pregnant woman during his coffee break, was shot in a dispute near a Soho nightclub.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

He is now deceased.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. I don't mean good, but I mean, I'm. I. You know, I guess he has a side of this story.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, investigators say that the argument during which he was shot was over a parking spot.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. Can I say this? This is the kind of thing that would break down into a race thing if there was a race element to this. I don't know that there is, but I don't know if everyone's white or everyone's black or everyone's anything. Do you have any idea? Because it's the kind of thing where.

[Brian Bishop]

It'S, why did you let this woman die? Was it because she was brown and.

[Adam Carolla]

You were lighter or. Or vice versa or whatever. But because it hasn't been brought up, I'm assuming everyone was the same color, which is one thing I just want to drive home. Once again, to everyone. Although I'm sure we'll get back online and find out. I was wrong and everyone was five different colors. But there are assholes out there. They're not racist. They're more assholes. If this was a black woman and these two guys were white, they'd be called racist. But if the woman was white, we realize they're just lazy assholes.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, even if they were not EMTs, let's just say there were two people who just happened to know CPR. Aren't you always kind of on duty as a human being?

[Adam Carolla]

I like to think so. Also, now there's a weird thing. Weird. Final Destination. If anyone's followed that movie, I guess they've done three or four of them franchise by now. But what about the one who remains alive? He smells that karma coming. Ooh, he's got to be looking over his shoulder. Oh, she. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my goodness. She's got to be watching her back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she does.

[Mark Silvestri]

Well, don't go to the dentist or the tanning salon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The mother of the woman who died, the six month pregnant woman who died at the coffee shop, she actually offered words of support for Green's relatives, saying, as a mother who has been through this kind of loss I have to feel for his family. I am very sorry for him and especially for his mother.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

What a touching thing to have done.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

To reach out to the mother like that.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a class act.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Very classy thing. I would not be as classy. Seeing hell would be my comment. All right, T, should we bring our guests in and put a button on the first part of the news?

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds good.

[Jim Louderback]

More of Theresa's news coming up. If you don't listen, you're an anti Semite.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. I'm gonna try not to fuck up our guest name. I have a. I have a bio on her that says I Z I L, A, but I think that's wrong. I think it's Eliza. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Shellsinger. Thanks. How are you? Good.

[Theresa Strasser]

How are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you brought your pup.

[Theresa Strasser]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your puppy's name?

[Brian Bishop]

Blanche.

[Adam Carolla]

What's. What kind of dog is Blanche?

[Theresa Strasser]

Blanche is half Leonardoxin, half Chihuahua, part princess.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the dachshund part?

[Theresa Strasser]

The long body.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but half what? Dachshund.

[Theresa Strasser]

Long hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, long hair.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I never always picture him with the short hair.

[Brian Bishop]

You rarely see the long hair.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah, you rarely do.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's the. I think it's the. There's Curious George in his apartment building. This is what happens when you have kids. There's a dachshund that's in there. I think. I think. I think. Don't give me that look, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Curious.

[Adam Carolla]

Georgia, what the fuck do you know about Curious George?

[Mark Silvestri]

How dare you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, if I could get online. Oh, yeah, yeah. We can't.

[Brian Bishop]

We're down. We have no WI fi.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's like they were talking about it out there. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In his apartment. I think he lives. There's. The supervisor's dog is a dachshund, and he's very snooty, and he's a short hair, so that's where I get my experience from. All right, let's talk a little comedy. I put my glasses on. So sad. Last Comic Standing, season six winner, which was last year. What do you think of this year so far, by the way?

[Theresa Strasser]

I didn't watch it before I was on it. I didn't watch it while I was on it, and I'm not watching it.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not? Why not?

[Theresa Strasser]

You spend your whole life in comedy clubs. Last thing I want to do is get Ajita watching comics on tv, because even though I won, I feel like the need to go back and win again. I get nervous watching it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. So why yeah, no, I know it's weird. It's a weird thing because I guess everything just sort of boils down to like working and, you know, at an ice cream parlor. Sounds awesome, but you don't want to go home and eat Haagen Dazs.

[Theresa Strasser]

You get, you get full. And also, I don't know anyone that's on it. And everybody, it's you move on, you're done.

[Adam Carolla]

How many, how many dates a year do you do now as a stand up?

[Theresa Strasser]

I couldn't quantify it specifically, but I did like 70 colleges this year and I do clubs non stop. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna be playing a small club in New York City in November while Joel McHale is playing the Sultan of Bernays Palace. Please tell me you're gonna be in a place that's comparable to my place. Where do you play? Well, I'm gonna be at Caroline's.

[Theresa Strasser]

Okay. I do comics in New York.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it. How many seats is that place? Good place?

[Theresa Strasser]

150. It's a nice club. A newer club.

[Adam Carolla]

The. Do you find? I've heard horror stories about the club owners, but then I hear horror stories about the comics too. It's really.

[Theresa Strasser]

It depends on who's telling it. I always find I rarely meet the club owner and that always makes me feel like I wasn't important enough for them to come down out of their golden throne and meet me. But I don't have any horror stories yet.

[Adam Carolla]

The golden throne meaning a condo above the club. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so you haven't. And if you've been screwed over because you hear these stories where it's like, hey man, we had 300 people and we did two shows. That's 600 people. How about my part? I get 80% of the door. Whatever it is. It's like, well, we gave away 200 comps and then we had. You guys had to pay for beer. It's like the Blues Brothers.

[Theresa Strasser]

I don't think I've been doing it long enough to get screwed over because I always have a specific deal going in and it's. To me, it doesn't matter. We have like a deal set up, right? So it doesn't matter how many tickets are comped because I'm still getting paid the same amount.

[Adam Carolla]

The in the last comic standing thing obviously opens the door.

[Brian Bishop]

It takes a lot, right?

[Theresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah. It gives you a career if you don't have one.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know if you. I know you say you don't watch, but I Think your season. They were.

[Theresa Strasser]

I saw my season.

[Brian Bishop]

You saw your season. Okay, so there was a lot of footage from. In the house.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Where you were all living together. Did you feel like that was an accurate representation of how it was?

[Theresa Strasser]

The thing is, they actually, for being a reality show, they never twisted anything around. Like of course they're always gonna cut to make things look more intense. But for the most part, like nothing was really misrepresented. So no, I think it was fairly accurate.

[Brian Bishop]

It was very satisfying to watch because people really underestimated you being young and female.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah, it happens a lot. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not being fat or black or any good funny stuff.

[Theresa Strasser]

There's nothing funny about me visually.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing funny about being pretty attractive.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

And as a girl, even if you feel fat like I. They can't get on stage and say that, right?

[Brian Bishop]

No, not unless you're really fat.

[Theresa Strasser]

Especially in like the Midwest, there's always gonna be someone fatter. That's like, wait a minute, that doesn't make sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you got nothing.

[Theresa Strasser]

I got nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. What are you gonna draw upon?

[Theresa Strasser]

Everybody has insecurities. I get angry. I was. Everything you said, by the way, I agree with. And I am just as angry as you are with society.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Theresa Strasser]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Theresa Strasser]

And the EMT should have been shot in the face. Cause he's probably some barely outta high school graduate who just wanted to make money. So he's like, oh, I'll be an emt not realizing the power that comes with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also I feel like we. Not only do we need to shoot people in the face, to shoot those people in the face, but to send a message to other people who are thinking about behaving that way.

[Theresa Strasser]

We've created this sort of. We've set the bar so low and expect people to do so little. It's a horrible. It's the baby boomers fault that raised a generation of total fucking losers.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Theresa Strasser]

And that's my. It's not me, but it's like my generation and it's just how little can I do?

[Adam Carolla]

And a group of sort of apologists that are constantly saying like, well, you don't know how you would have react.

[Theresa Strasser]

And you would have reacted. He was on a break then. Don't put on the uniform.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, it's weird to me having, you know, just had a baby 10 months ago. When you're pregnant. Thank you. When you're pregnant, people treat you. People are so incredibly beautifully kind to you. And it's just. Lead the way, chubby Yeah, I was Really, I was 60 pounds heavier. But there's, there's something about human beings. When you see somebody who's that vulnerable, right. And fragile, you can't believe how nice people are to you. Like, even the biggest asshole wants to make sure you don't need water. Or do you want a seat? Everyone's so nice. And to imagine a six month, six month pregnant woman having a seizure and thinking like, eh, this guy, the guy.

[Theresa Strasser]

That got shot has no place in our society. It's not like had he lived, he would go on to win a Nobel Peace Prize, right? You were just gonna fuck up traffic and get in my way in line like you were just gonna be a mess.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my whole point. Like, what are these people doing?

[Theresa Strasser]

What's your purpose?

[Adam Carolla]

What's your purpose again? I've likened society to just a car that's run out of gas and it needs to be pushed and it's halfway to Vegas. It's just either you're behind the car, pushing with the rest of the taxpayers who love their families and take care of business, or you're sitting on the hood is dead weight or worse. In some cases, you're lying down in front of the car or pushing the other way and you're not even in.

[Theresa Strasser]

Vegas, you're in Barstow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we haven't even made it to the world's tallest thermometer, which is a stick with a digital readout on top of it. That's not the world's Mercury.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't even get into the Mad Greek.

[Theresa Strasser]

Well, how do you feel about the mosque they want to put up by Ground Zero.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all, I don't know what. Obviously these are the kind of things that would sound like a joke if they happen, you know, in the days after 9, 11, while the buildings were still smoldering and the scent of burnt flesh was still fresh in the air. But the point is, that's not applause for me. That means it's time for the puff to come up on.

[Theresa Strasser]

People treat me the same way on the sofa.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, here's what I'm starting to sense. We as a society are turning on ourselves. I think we burn more calories kicking the shit out of ourselves as a country. Other countries don't do what we do. We, we can't stop finding flaws with ourselves. We can't stop talking. We're the world's worst imperialists, by the way, because like, oh, what were you doing? What were you doing over there in Korea? What were you doing over there? In Vietnam? What are you doing over there in Iraq? Well, not coming home with a bunch of free shit. I mean, burying soldiers and then coming home. Like, we're such imperialists, really, what are we doing? Do we have. Do we own Korea? Do we own Vietnam? Like, where's the franchise? I thought that was a part where.

[Theresa Strasser]

I think we're the only ones that give land back. We're the only ones that apologize because we're the best. We're always taking flack. It's just like if you're. If you're the hot girl in a room, you can't walk around saying, I'm so hot. You have to take all the stares from other girls. I know you've gotten this before because I can tell that you're like, you've been that girl in the room. You know what I'm talking about? So you can't just walk around like, I can't walk on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

Early 70s?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Theresa Strasser]

Like, I can't walk on stage and be like, pen almost wet in your eyes when. When you're the smarter one, the faster one, the prettier one, the better one, you have an obligation to almost to acquiesce to people that aren't as good as you. And that comes for countries, and that comes for minorities versus majorities.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel guilty and stop. Yeah, I know.

[Theresa Strasser]

The Hamas thing is I was livid and I Twittered this the other day and somebody attacked me and I was like, not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims. He goes, what about Timothy McVeigh? I go, you're harp on the fucking exception. You're not going to get jack shit done.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Theresa Strasser]

For that matter, don't give money to inner city black kids because not all black kids are in need.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? I know. It's. It's. I grew up with this. It's insane. And obviously it's not the way you solve a problem. If you have a problem with AIDS in the gay community, then you focus on the gay community. You don't have a bunch of people saying, everyone gets aids.

[Theresa Strasser]

Everyone doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everyone gets it. Or no. Or no one. It's like, no focus on what. It's who's getting this. And that's the way you solve a problem. You don't do. It's everyone all the time. Because we can never single a group out. It's insane. Shall we do a little blah, blah, blah, by the way? Because I feel like Eliza and I go on forever because I can't see. It'll be read to Us, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. We have a professional voice talent, Mike Dawson.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're gonna hear some celebrity blowhardy blogs. And we try to pick the celebrity.

[Jim Louderback]

Blah, blah, blah. The game where we match the celebrity with their online rant.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's play.

[Jim Louderback]

Thank you for the compliment, Teresa.

[Brian Bishop]

Eliza. Are you just gonna let Adam's outfit go by unnoticed?

[Theresa Strasser]

I don't know how stresses go out.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, this could be a good day, but do you just have to act like it's not happening or.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what?

[Theresa Strasser]

He dresses like a dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

With dad leg hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I turn into a dad. Yeah. So sad.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Jim Louderback]

Should we play some games?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

Those are, like, black guy shoes. Like, that's what like, us. Like a hot black guy would wear to, like, a picnic.

[Adam Carolla]

These were sketch on bone.

[Theresa Strasser]

Are those sketchers?

[Adam Carolla]

These were a gift by my Guatemala from my Guatemalan nanny. Let's play some games. Yeah. Yeah. She got this for me, so. By the way, she's at my house every day, so I have to wear them.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

In front of her, not out of the house.

[Brian Bishop]

But obviously Lynette wasn't at the house today because she would have stopped this outfit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. She wasn't around when I left.

[Brian Bishop]

You always know where the wife is based on the number of.

[Adam Carolla]

She doesn't give a shit what she wants. Me. Look at what happens. I look hot. And then Eliza's like, you know what? Politically, we're on the same page. We're both comedians.

[Theresa Strasser]

I hate a lot of people.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna be in New York. I'm gonna be. Oh, you're gonna be on the third. Early November, remember? Maybe we should get a beer after the show. Yeah. Tell Danny to move on.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a dog too.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a dog?

[Theresa Strasser]

You're carbon based. I'm carbon based.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Imagine how funny our kids would be.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, so angry. Angry.

[Theresa Strasser]

So opinionated and angry and angry.

[Brian Bishop]

They start complaining just like right at the hospital after they came out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Awesome of me.

[Theresa Strasser]

I would do that for them, for my husband.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. This starting to sound good, actually. All right, let's play. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, there we go. Take that compliment. There you go.

[Jim Louderback]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not his fault. Technical.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, but when you're the guy who pushes the buttons.

[Jim Louderback]

I was. It was the laptop I put on the board.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson can't lie.

[Brian Bishop]

But what about those tones?

[Donny]

I can't.

[Jim Louderback]

Yeah, here we go. The headlines are less frequent, but Haiti is still pumping through the bloodstream in our House Haiti, where I was born, is in is my heart and soul, and the heart, heart and soul of my family. And we've been working really hard to get food, clean water, and medical attention to the millions of people affected by the earthquake in Port au Prince. Now that it's the rainy season, we have another serious problem. About a million Haitians are living in a massive tent cities struggling to keep dry. Now is the time to be focused on helping Haitians find shelter from the storm.

[Theresa Strasser]

I'm going to say it's Y Clef Jean.

[Jim Louderback]

Is it Wyclef Jean?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jim Louderback]

Is it Digimon? Hung on. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the actor red belt.

[Jim Louderback]

Or is it Will? I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this quickly. And Eliza, you may want to put a drip pan under your sweetie, because you are going to get nice and moist when I go on this quick jet.

[Brian Bishop]

That is disgusting.

[Theresa Strasser]

Dad.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess it's off.

[Theresa Strasser]

The baby's not.

[Adam Carolla]

The baby's soft.

[Theresa Strasser]

Physically moved away from you. I actually. I put my back to you.

[Adam Carolla]

We're now back to artificial insemination. We were gonna do the old.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't think human beings communicate well anymore? Did you see how clear that communication was?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I missed looking anywhere, but when I'm done with this jag, the drip pan.

[Theresa Strasser]

Really, that's likening me to a car.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think your panties can hold what's gonna come out of your room. Yeah, you're not.

[Brian Bishop]

So now you're back.

[Adam Carolla]

We're back in the circle, just watching 60 Minutes on Haiti. And half the story was they still have slavery over there. It's essentially indentured servitude. I'm poor. I take my daughter. I sell it to your family, Teresa. And then she lives in a subpar condition. Never part of the family. She becomes our slave. She sleeps on the floor. We feed her. You know, feed her enough food to keep her strong enough to clean out the gutters and, you know, wash the clothes. And it's perfectly legal.

[Brian Bishop]

She gives her some sandals, and they're.

[Adam Carolla]

Trying to get this.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yes, but she has to wear.

[Adam Carolla]

The difference is, I fucking pay Olga a lot of money. She doesn't get paid.

[Theresa Strasser]

She's a servant for these sandals.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a free. No, no. Well, she. Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah. It's sad. I should cut her off, cut my own tootsies off. The point is, is they have slavery in Haiti and it's legal. How come we don't talk about it? And how come when we're Giving countries billions of dollars, someone doesn't go, hey, you know what we'd like in return? But you get rid of this thing. And by the way, how come none of these people will ever talk about that? Because somehow we invented slavery. We're the only people capable of doing it. No, it's black on black slavery. They have it. It's legal. It shouldn't. It is wrong. And when we drop off our sack of money or sack of grain or sack of mosquito nets, we should say, by the way, here's what we'd like in return. I want you to make this illegal.

[Theresa Strasser]

Now, I disagree. That's. It's the way. That's kind of what we did in the Middle East. We're pushing our values on someone. Not that it works, but that's their infrastructure. That's not what we're aiding. We're not trying to reconfigure their whole concept.

[Adam Carolla]

But they have rape in many ways.

[Theresa Strasser]

They have rape everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but that's. Our values are rape. Rape is bad. Well, we're going to ask for something in return for our money.

[Theresa Strasser]

One day there's one wish, and one like Rumpelstiltz, and we'll come back and be like, I need something one day.

[Adam Carolla]

Need you. Heal away to slavery.

[Theresa Strasser]

What does it matter to us?

[Adam Carolla]

Because, well, what is it? Well, why are we giving them any money in the first place then?

[Theresa Strasser]

Because we have the money, and it's our job. We heal everyone. And by the way, Americans are the only ones expected to criticize their own government. You notice no one else does that, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying they have slavery. We're dropping off money. Why don't we ask for something in return?

[Brian Bishop]

Now let's get to something important.

[Theresa Strasser]

Why do you want to send troops over there? I don't want to send my son over there to reinforce no Haitian slavery.

[Adam Carolla]

I just go, look, you, we got a bunch of relief money. It's yours. Do away with this archaic practice or else. Give me the money.

[Theresa Strasser]

Or else what?

[Adam Carolla]

Or you don't get the money.

[Theresa Strasser]

Of course you're gonna give them the money.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying give them the money.

[Theresa Strasser]

You got to give them the money, everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if you're the bad guy if you say, do away with the slavery.

[Theresa Strasser]

No, you're not. But you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

You say, give me a blow job.

[Theresa Strasser]

Do a blow job before I free you.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Brian Bishop]

Because would Mel Gibson want it before.

[Adam Carolla]

He'S going to burn down Haiti, Then he's going to get blown.

[Theresa Strasser]

Can you say it in French?

[Adam Carolla]

And he's going to meet Will.

[Theresa Strasser]

Am. I don't know, patois or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so is it Will? This is tough.

[Brian Bishop]

This is Jimon.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is this called before it happened, Will? I am before he. Before he came up as an Oscar.

[Theresa Strasser]

Did you mind an African?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, well, Wyclef is like the most famous Haitian.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he does a lot of this.

[Brian Bishop]

Stuff, so that almost seems too obvious now. What's his face? The actor? Isn't he married to Kimora Lee Simmons.

[Theresa Strasser]

Who is my nightmare.

[Adam Carolla]

Why?

[Theresa Strasser]

Why? She's loud, she's obnoxious, she has a neck like a coffee cake. And she's uncomfortable to hear. And she's just. Everything about her is what's wrong with our country. And her whole line, baby fat is just a reason for ghetto girls to look like they're wearing diamonds.

[Brian Bishop]

It's awful.

[Mark Silvestri]

Her neck is delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

She has a horrible person.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's all wrinkly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

And she's eight feet tall and long.

[Adam Carolla]

Why did he marry her?

[Brian Bishop]

She is so gorgeous. I can't stop looking at her.

[Adam Carolla]

What? She is so beautiful.

[Theresa Strasser]

It takes all kinds. Fine.

[Brian Bishop]

She was a Runway model and I think he saw her during a fashion show and thought, I'd like that.

[Theresa Strasser]

I'm sorry, do all models grow up to be just fucking dinosaurs that are out of control?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Brinkley seems a little rough.

[Theresa Strasser]

Janice Dickinson.

[Adam Carolla]

Russell Simmons spotted her doing the right way work.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Although it's weird because when he's not sitting in front of his Gohans it praying to Buddha every day for 10 hours in his palace, he's over cruising teenagers on the Runway.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I think she was quite young.

[Adam Carolla]

He was like. He was well into his 30s and she was more like 17. I'm just saying that spiritual.

[Theresa Strasser]

Maybe he wasn't spiritual yet.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that came later. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

But Eliza's right. Supermodels grow up to be. They tend to grow up to be monstrous.

[Theresa Strasser]

Just me after they're.

[Brian Bishop]

After they age out of their business.

[Theresa Strasser]

Then they're like, no, I'll just be a. And be famous for it. And I could go on about Tyra Banks all day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. Now you're back on the same page. We gotta have sex again. God, do I hate her. Let me just tell you this very quickly about Tyra Banks. If anyone wants just a little insight to her and her psyche. Yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

I'll put the drip pan back.

[Adam Carolla]

I worked out with a guy who was essentially boxing trainer to the stars. And he boxed, he Trained Matt Damon and he trained all these guys. He was real good. Boxing trainers. Terry Clavon. No, he did not. Trained Danny Bonduch, but he trained. And what he would do is he would say, hey, could we get a picture? And then you put it up on my wall and he's saying, hey, Terry, thanks for the help, you're the greatest, you know. And that's what he did. And he had a wall full of everyone again, the Matt Damon's and like, oh, like what's his name for the new Sorcerer movie and all that kind of Nick Cage. He had everybody and he had Tyra Banks. Everyone else was just sweaty with their arm around Terry and taking a picture and holding the thumbs up or making a fist, you know. After a workout, Tyra Banks brought her own picture in. It was her in a bikini, oiled up with the light lighting such a way that it looked like she was seven foot tall and had muscles coming. I mean, it's the most flattering picture you've ever seen of anyone in a bathing suit. And then instead of saying, thanks, Terry, you're the greatest, it said, here's what you made me. Thanks for making me fast and strong and quick. Can't nobody touch me. It turned right to her and then it said, sign butterfly. Float like a butterfly, sing like a bee. So she gave herself a nickname and she didn't say, you're great. She said, thanks for making me great. Making me great.

[Brian Bishop]

It makes you great.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that great? You made me a long fucking laundry list of smart, fast, like, can't anybody stop me. Powerful, like, shut the fuck up. Jesus Christ. Take a picture with a guy and say, you're the greatest, like you're at a fucking deli and call it a day. Would you even the fucking picture. Clay Von's gym had to be about her thank you her whole show.

[Theresa Strasser]

Because I'll be home at four in the afternoon before I really wake up to go to work. I'll watch it. And it's just. Her whole thing is about encouraging young girls to be positive. All she does is force charisma, which she doesn't have, and break people down and then act like she's funny and there's nothing about her that I like. Her show. This is my nightmare. I was at work when I had like a day job.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, I just came her show, my fat ass.

[Theresa Strasser]

She's about to cry there. Yeah, they call. One of the producers from her show called me. I had never, I wasn't anyone. I had never been on. I was, I Just started comedy. They called, they found a clip of mine on YouTube and they were like we're doing a makeover show now. You're cute but you're not a bombshell. We were wondering if we could make you over if that would help your stand up. And I'm sitting at three in the afternoon in an office in tears. Like I don't understand why you call. They want. I'm like, what do you want to give me like a shitty Kohl's makeover and chunky highlights.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? That's always what it is.

[Theresa Strasser]

And call it a day. It's always the worst. Like we did layers and a chestnut.

[Brian Bishop]

Glow to bring out your skin and.

[Theresa Strasser]

We covered up everything so you don't look bad. That's what you called me to tell me that I'm not pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

And Tyra and I love what she does. But you have to give her, give her this. When she does her hard hitting news investigations. When she gets in a fat suit.

[Theresa Strasser]

Always in a fat suit.

[Adam Carolla]

Realizes that men don't like 300 pound chicks with goiters. As much as they like to appreciate.

[Brian Bishop]

Models that are trying to help with with a young women's self esteem.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's got to be hard for them.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

How about the hour long show she dedicated to herself? Hanging up her angel wings. Retiring her Victoria's secret angel wings. That was a fanny Porter. Yes. She's a fucking mess. Oh God, what a narcissist. Okay, where were we? Is it Tyra? I say let's play some games. All right, let's just shout something out. Brian.

[Theresa Strasser]

Oh, who was it?

[Adam Carolla]

We don't know.

[Mark Silvestri]

I say, well I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Will, I am. Now I get burned every time by saying it's too obvious. Is that what I do?

[Mark Silvestri]

I thought Wyclef was the obvious.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Wyclef. Okay, I'm going. Will I am as well.

[Jim Louderback]

Teresa.

[Brian Bishop]

Will, I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Eliza Wycliffe. Wyclef.

[Jim Louderback]

The blog belongs to Wyclef.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, that was my guitar. Duke. You fell prey to the same thing. That burns me every time.

[Brian Bishop]

I did too. It's too obvious.

[Theresa Strasser]

He's in. He's like known for being hate, right? That's like his thing. Well, that rarely speaks.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know. Too obvious is always our stupid angle on that. Alright, next.

[Jim Louderback]

Fatherhood has been a life changing experience for me. I strive to be a better father every day. One thing I really enjoy is taking them to the bookstore and seeing what books they like. We also have a lot of fun just eating together, having pillow Fights and playing video games. If they're with me on the road, I love watching them order breakfast at the hotel. They can run up the bill higher than I can. I also love giving them bubble baths. I remember from my own childhood that it was always small moments that mattered most. So I try to do those things. Have those goofy moments with my kids where we really laugh and let loose.

[Theresa Strasser]

You have the creepiest voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Thank you.

[Theresa Strasser]

You made that like a pedophile.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Theresa Strasser]

And you're.

[Jim Louderback]

That's why I get paid the big bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

I take it you're a virgin.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no. Chris Hansen showed up.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a really lame blog. Like, we do nothing.

[Theresa Strasser]

You can't be that big of a celebrity because you wouldn't have a blog.

[Jim Louderback]

Is it Dwyane Wade, Russell Simmons, or David Beckham?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this is tough. This is tough.

[Theresa Strasser]

David Beckham.

[Adam Carolla]

Beckham.

[Theresa Strasser]

Eliza says David Beckham.

[Mark Silvestri]

All right, I forgot the first word of the blog, which is fatherhood. So I was assuming it was a chick because it's so gay. So I'm gonna say it's the closest to a chick we can find. David Beckham.

[Brian Bishop]

Beckham T. I'm gonna go with Russell Simmons.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going with Simmons. Just on the weird sort of cosmic. We were just talking about the guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Same.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Jim Louderback]

The blog belongs to Dwyane Wade.

[Theresa Strasser]

I don't know anything about him.

[Adam Carolla]

I. By the way, speaking of lame father things, my daughter's got something in her. In her computer where she's four. It's not hers, but it's a little character on there. And you say, hi, how are you? And then it repeats it. Hi, how are you? In this weird, fucked up voice. I don't know if you guys have ever seen this. There's no reason why you should, unless, in fact, you're molesting people. But she's now delighted because I do a 10 minute, crazy Indian, American Indian gibberish rant into the thing, and then the little. It spits it back in its weird helium voice. So she hands it to me and I go, nanache wahe ke. And then it does, and then she just goes berserk. And I think, there's fucking nothing better than cracking your kid up. Now, as soon as she gets to 11, she'll realize I'm not funny and she'll move on. But it is great watching your kids laugh it up, especially when you got their hand on their junk in the bathtub. All right, where were we? Everyone was wrong.

[Jim Louderback]

Everyone was wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Jim Louderback]

It is widely known that I support the President's new space agenda for civil space. I was proud to stand behind the President at the recent Space Summit and to endorse his bold vision for space, a vision that I believe will enable us to maintain our pioneering leadership in this vitally important enterprise. The President's approach supports many of the principles that I have long advocated, including the opening of space to the private sector and the development of a strong technical foundation in science and technology that will enable our continued leadership in space. It is a rich vision that I would hope we could all embrace. Is it Buzz Aldrin, Richard Branson, or Microsoft co founder Paul Allen?

[Adam Carolla]

Dwayne Wade?

[Theresa Strasser]

Richard. I say Richard Branson because he's already selling tickets to the moon.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going, Buzz, because that was just my first instinct before I saw the names.

[Adam Carolla]

And who was the third guy?

[Jim Louderback]

Microsoft co founder Paul Allen.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna go Paul Allen.

[Theresa Strasser]

Wait, isn't Paul Allen also from American Psycho?

[Adam Carolla]

You're thinking of thinking of Paul Allen. It was the character's name.

[Theresa Strasser]

That was the character.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you want fame?

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah, Paul Allen.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going Paul Allen.

[Mark Silvestri]

I'll go third.

[Adam Carolla]

Lito. I ain't Paul Allen.

[Mark Silvestri]

Branson's too obvious.

[Adam Carolla]

Two Paul Allens. Branson and Buzz.

[Jim Louderback]

The blog belongs to Buzz Aldrin.

[Brian Bishop]

Back in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Tee you up. Wait, we got a tie.

[Jim Louderback]

We got Eliza and T Bone.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's have this one be the tiebreaker unless me or Brian gets.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, who loses the audience. Yeah, this thing is boring. Yeah, I don't know why. Usually this is a fun game.

[Theresa Strasser]

Isn't the point of a blog to, like, be funny?

[Adam Carolla]

Blogs are too long. Yeah, they're all super long.

[Jim Louderback]

We're going to the last one. All right, all of the readers who posted here that we will all be worse off if BP goes out of business. Who whined about loss of jobs and income? Do you honestly think you can weigh that against the economic, environmental, cultural losses that are accumulating as a result of this disaster? Snap out of it. It's the beginning of the end for Big Oil. Oh, and boycott bp.

[Brian Bishop]

Michael Moore.

[Jim Louderback]

Is it Zach Braff?

[Theresa Strasser]

Ugh.

[Jim Louderback]

Alec Baldwin or director John Waters?

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, taking Zach.

[Theresa Strasser]

I'll say Alec Baldwin.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going John Waters. Just because he seems like such a weird wild card to be on there. God, does he make horrible movies. Jesus Christ, Zach. All right, Ryan.

[Mark Silvestri]

Zebraf?

[Adam Carolla]

Z. You got two Cs and Eliza, you're going with Alec Baldwin. Baldwin would be. He'd be more eloquent.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Jim Louderback]

The blog belongs to Alec Baldwin.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you.

[Jim Louderback]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course. So Eliza's the winner then, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, act like it, honey.

[Theresa Strasser]

Do we have nothing so underwhelmed by the game itself that I.

[Brian Bishop]

It was underwhelming today. I don't know why you just celebrate.

[Theresa Strasser]

Could tell it was Alec Baldwin because he. He had some fuerza behind that. I couldn't think of the English word.

[Jim Louderback]

Until next time, keep your fingers on your keyboards and your heads up your asses so we can play another round of blah, blah, blah.

[Theresa Strasser]

Blanche is thrilled.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just licking her stuff. T. Should we do a little more news before we call it the day?

[Jim Louderback]

The Rest of the News with Teresa Strasser.

[Brian Bishop]

Jersey Shore star Nicole Snooki.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

Died.

[Brian Bishop]

No, still with us, sadly. If Snooki died, it would be the lead story on every newscast.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what's weird. True. She tells Steppin out magazine that some of her castmates are a little jealous of how in demand she and Mike the situation have become. I know the others want the same opportunities that Mike and I get, but we don't control those things. She says. I can understand why the others might be jealous. They aren't doing anything, but they should still be happy for me. Even with her success, sometimes Snooki wishes things could go back to the way they were before the show. She says, I miss my old life. I miss being able to be around my family and at home. I miss going out with my friends and going out to a bar. I can't do that anymore. When I try, I get attacked by the fans.

[Theresa Strasser]

That's not her, by the way.

[Mark Silvestri]

That's JWowWow.

[Theresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow. You know a lot about Snooki. I was like, snooki looks good in that picture.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but she was attacked, though, in a bar before she was famous.

[Theresa Strasser]

She deserved it, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Theresa Strasser]

You cannot go around yelling at Wild Card grown men in their face and expect an animal not to bite.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you noticed a certain kind of girl that's really petite and has a huge mouth?

[Theresa Strasser]

Can I tell you something? I'm not trying to do my act. I have a whole thing about this, like a 5 minute rant. Short girls are the first ones to start a fight.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like little dog.

[Theresa Strasser]

They don't know that they're little.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Or they're overcompensating or something.

[Theresa Strasser]

They can't reach top shelves. So you'd be upset, too, if your whole life had gone by and you were unable to Reach spices.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this too? Didn't, didn't. I also feel like Snookies and a lot of these other chicks, sort of tia Tequila types are replacing old scary white guys as the worst people on the planet. Like it used to be Jerry Jones, the Dallas Cowboys owner, like these guys, guys that look like Larry Tate from Bewitched were the worst guys on the planet. I now think these are the worst people on the planet. I just think they're horrible. They don't have much juice so they can't really control too much, but they're fucking horrible. There's a whole new crop of just horrible. Like 22 year old chicks of 20 years ago. Remember when there was just a bunch of. It's like Melissa Sue Gilbert from Little House on the Prairie. Like she wasn't an out of control cunt, was she? What's going on?

[Brian Bishop]

She's a very nice lady.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I'm just saying, growing up was there a bunch of like out of control 22 year old chicks that just seem like wild colossal bitches. They're waging war with each other in the media and everything else.

[Theresa Strasser]

If you're a huge classless bitch, then you'll get your own show. What's the incentive?

[Adam Carolla]

Theresa's right here.

[Brian Bishop]

I was on deep cable and it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Only two seasons sitting right here.

[Theresa Strasser]

These people. Tila Tequila is the reason that we're, that our country's going well.

[Adam Carolla]

But you get her, you get Snooki, you get the Kardashians, you get the Hiltons.

[Theresa Strasser]

They're the reason we had the earthquake in Haiti. I'm picking my jeans apart.

[Adam Carolla]

The list goes on and on. Yes. I'm just saying they've quietly there's, I mean it used to be that attractive for the most part. 22 year old women were the least of society's problems. And now they've, they've jumped to the top of my bitch list. Like of the biggest pains of the ass that we have to deal with. There's more trouble with them than bikers.

[Theresa Strasser]

Well, they're not hurting anyone. That's the thing. They're not going out and burning down.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they're shooting people. They're stealing our soul.

[Theresa Strasser]

They're poisoning the minds of our youth.

[Adam Carolla]

That's hurting someone.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's hurting. I got the fact that like little kids are now, I don't know, having sex at two and wearing eyeliner and miniskirts and doing drugs. And When I was 13, I was dressing like a boy and going to basketball practice. Not going to clubs and acting like a hooker on a webcam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It is a celebration of idiocy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And that's the danger.

[Theresa Strasser]

And we reward it because we watch shows like tmz, which is cancer, and we go on their blogs and we Twitter to them and it's a, you know, is responsible a bunch of loser horny guys in middle America that send money to their websites and watch them and like, I still love you and idiot girls who have no fathers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I felt like I had to watch the show because they just reached a tipping point. The Jersey Shore, where I had to know what it was. It was just part of the conversation in our culture, so I had to watch it or I'd be an idiot.

[Adam Carolla]

You're part of the problem, not part of the solution.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, I know.

[Theresa Strasser]

You guys, one F bomb at a time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly. You may have heard of this couple in England. Black parents gave birth to a blonde haired, blue eyed, white baby. Dad Ben, 44, and mom Angela, 35, call their child a miracle. Ben, meanwhile, has no doubts that he is the real father. My wife is true to me. Even if she hadn't been, the baby still wouldn't look like that. He said genetic experts could offer little explanation of the baby girl's coloring, though she's not albino. And neither Ben nor Angela have mixed race in their history. An unknown mutation is the most likely scenario.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Mark Silvestri]

Worst X man ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. White kid. Honky, honky.

[Theresa Strasser]

Did they go on a vacation near the Gulf anytime recently?

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta suck to travel because you. You throw the kid in the back seat and everyone's calling. 911 Black couples abducted a blonde kid.

[Theresa Strasser]

Oh my God, they're so dark.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not going anywhere. Where are you going with that kid without everyone just getting in, going, Listen, hold on. We've checked. Let's just check the security camera footage and make sure you can get out to the parking lot.

[Theresa Strasser]

Maybe the kid's so pale because he's scared of his parents. What's happening?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. A lot of explanation now.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's going to be a lot of explanation. Throughout your life, you never see black people adopting a white baby. And so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Theresa Strasser]

Ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's true. There's gonna be a lot of. Hey, good for you. And how'd you get one of them?

[Theresa Strasser]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you know that Jim Jones of, you know, the Jonestown massacre? I believe he's one of the first. He and his wife are one of the first couple white couples to adopt a black baby.

[Theresa Strasser]

Adopt or Steal?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they went through the whole thing. Went down in French Guyana. Yeah. They're from the Bay Area. He lived.

[Brian Bishop]

The kid lived.

[Adam Carolla]

He was there.

[Brian Bishop]

He was at a basketball tournament. I saw it on Oprah.

[Adam Carolla]

Shocking.

[Theresa Strasser]

Oh, my God. I was thinking of Roanoke, and I was like, how was their basketball tournament? You meant.

[Adam Carolla]

Although. What a push. Hold on. Poison. Kool Aid versus hoops. Ooh, there's a stereotype push. There you guys are.

[Mark Silvestri]

That Kool Aid party.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait a second. It was great.

[Adam Carolla]

It was great. Koolaid. Wow. Sorry. Roanoke.

[Theresa Strasser]

Apparently, she said Jones. That was the first thing that I was thinking. Never mind. I was in the wrong time period, wrong century.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, listen, I feel their pain because everyone thinks I'm my baby's nanny.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

He's really, really white looking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm very Latina looking, so people just assume.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Is he yours? Yes.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's a compliment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Theresa Strasser]

Because it's not like you're fat or anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this could be.

[Theresa Strasser]

Looks like you didn't have a baby.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird little social experiment. See how this works out.

[Theresa Strasser]

By the way, his wife cheated on him with an albino. There's your scientific answer. Sorry. And he's like, even if my wife cheated, there's no way it would look like that. There absolutely is a way it would look like that. Swedish jeans are dominant.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they?

[Theresa Strasser]

I have no idea. But, like, if you're super airy on it, that's just as good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a master race.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Dolph Lundgren, when reached for comment, said. Yeah, what they said.

[Brian Bishop]

A woman in South Carolina was arrested Sunday after shoving a burger down her pants in an attempt to get a free one from McDonald's. The woman, identified as Lori Turner, ordered two burgers, but hid one of them and claimed she had been shorted.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to talk about a double horny surprise for the husband? Oh. Not only am I getting laid, but. Whoa. What do we got here?

[Theresa Strasser]

Tastes like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Employees called the cops when she became belligerent. When a deputy arrived, Turner tried to deny she had the burger down her pants, but a grease stain was clearly visible. Arrested for disorderly conduct.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, you keep it warm on your way to the car your way, and she'll do it her way.

[Theresa Strasser]

No, that's Burger King.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Yeah. I just don't like when the burger gets cold and congeals on the way home. I put one up my ass on occasion.

[Theresa Strasser]

There's an epidemic with McDonald's. I've read a Couple stories. People do crazy shit with McDonald's. One woman punched one of the workers in the face because they were out of McNuggets. People have called the cops. People go back crazy when McDonald's doesn't get their order right or they want something. It's something about McDonald's.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you sell food for 18 cents, you attract a certain breed. When it's like, hey, we take our food, we dip it in grease, and then we sell it to you for a nickel.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, first we genetically engineer it to taste yummy.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's not Burger King.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not.

[Theresa Strasser]

It's McDonald's. People, like, are that addicted to specific.

[Adam Carolla]

People think it'd be a good idea to eat ribs that have been poured into a mold. That's a certain breed of cat.

[Theresa Strasser]

Certain breed of cat.

[Adam Carolla]

Not Harvard faculty normally. So you get that breed.

[Theresa Strasser]

But not bright in the first place.

[Adam Carolla]

Stuff that's in the shape of ribs, not ribs.

[Theresa Strasser]

Do you want to hear something disgusting about the McRib?

[Adam Carolla]

You love it.

[Theresa Strasser]

Besides the fact that it's disgusting, I don't love it. Do you know how they take it? Like every year they're like, the McRib is back. Do you know why I read this? I don't know why they take it away and bring it back. Something like, McDonald's buys all of its pork when it's at its lowest in the market. Like all the crappy pork, and then they make the McRibs for the year and then when they run out of pork, they take it away because everyone loves. I mean, people love that sandwich so much, you think they just keep it. It's because it's made of snouts and tails, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This doesn't sound like the McDonald's I know and used to work for.

[Brian Bishop]

Only the finest family farm pork, where.

[Adam Carolla]

20 year old girls had more, of course. Yeah. Although unlike the Shamrock shake, which does go away for a reason.

[Theresa Strasser]

What is that? Is it minty?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I hear tail. You never had it. I'm happy to say that I've never tried a Shamrock shake, a McRib sandwich, or bought a lottery ticket because I'm scared I would turn into one of the guys from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Like, I'd bite into that sandwich or scratch off that scratcher and I'd just get a big belly and cover all down the rabbit hole instead of my impeccable dress.

[Theresa Strasser]

Is that it? Without the sauce?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to know. It's disgusting.

[Brian Bishop]

Do we have time for one last story?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

This is about a Hungarian man who did something very romantic. He's trying to find, you know, a soulmate. And instead of going online, inspired by Shakespeare, he threw 300 of his personal ads onto balconies in the hopes of finding true love.

[Adam Carolla]

Me and Mike lynch went out and had ourselves some Hungarian last week.

[Brian Bishop]

So good.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking love that Hungarian food.

[Theresa Strasser]

What is it, like goulash?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's all that paprika stick to your real ribs. Just sort of meat and sauce and like paprika or paprika, as my grandfather. Well, my grandfather's Hungarian and he called it paprika. It was chicken paprikash. It's not chicken paprika kash or whatever it is, but it's all the fucking greatest shit in the world. It's kind of like German food.

[Theresa Strasser]

So it's not fried stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just like potatoes and cabbage and meat. I mean, it's serious food. Like, you know, you ate dinner. Yeah. And it's just like you go to.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobu and then on the way home you want to stop for McRib.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Because you're hungry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I call it no food.

[Adam Carolla]

The only problem is Laszlo, the guy who runs the place, coming over and telling me jokes every time. Uh. Oh, yeah, he sounds like Captain Kangaroo. He kind of looks like Captain Kangaroo. And he tells me they're also sort of semi racist and against who?

[Brian Bishop]

They're old world.

[Adam Carolla]

They're a little homophobic and a little bit racist, and you don't know that they're funny. It's just if he stops, you start laughing. Although every once in a while they stop and you start laughing. He's at the middle of the joke and he came over and told us three. The first one we couldn't understand at all. The second two we had to just laugh.

[Theresa Strasser]

Is he in Hungarian or is it all.

[Adam Carolla]

He's always. It's always like a man is not satisfying his wife, and so his wife goes to a doctor because. And says to the doctor, I'm not being satisfied. But it's like. It's kind of the word. It's bad.

[Brian Bishop]

Lost in translation. Yeah, there's a little that and inappropriately sexual. From an older guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that in this case, the dog was the. By the way, just what you want to hear before you. You sidle up to the table.

[Brian Bishop]

Delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Any of it.

[Mark Silvestri]

Enjoy the goulash.

[Adam Carolla]

Enjoy the goulash. Yes. And. And. And the dog said, well, what about me? And then he pauses and you sit there, you look at Mike and Mike, what's Me. And then we laughed to keep it.

[Brian Bishop]

Moving because you want to get in my scene. And listen, I know we have to wrap up soon, but Gabor Lazar of Budapest is looking for love. I don't know what your situation is.

[Theresa Strasser]

I'm gonna pass on the Hungarian.

[Brian Bishop]

No Hungarian for you.

[Theresa Strasser]

Hey, how do you throw up to a balcony? Doesn't it the paper flutter down?

[Brian Bishop]

Perhaps he had a way of waiting his personal ads to get them up there.

[Theresa Strasser]

He figured he attacks these one with a bomb.

[Brian Bishop]

He figured that he chose balconies that he liked because if there's a woman there that gets back in touch with him, it means that they have the same style. And that's a good starting point.

[Theresa Strasser]

Did he get one?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. This is in Budapest. My people are from there, though.

[Adam Carolla]

So he threw his notes up to the balcony. Isn't that sweet stuff involving a balcony? Like being serenaded or, you know, throwing the pebble against the glass.

[Brian Bishop]

I always think of people jumping.

[Adam Carolla]

Letting your hair down and climbing up it. It all sounds good, but I don't know if it really works.

[Theresa Strasser]

Like, how do you know there's women there? It could be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably Stockdom. You know, the old fashioned.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah, the romantic way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'd say go on the Internet, Bayla, and see if you can get laid.

[Brian Bishop]

That one.

[Adam Carolla]

Or bougie.

[Brian Bishop]

Gabby. Gabor Lazar. There's only so many names.

[Theresa Strasser]

Why doesn't he just buy a woman from his country? Because we got enough of them coming in here that people mail order. Just get one off the conveyor belt.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you get a Hungarian off?

[Theresa Strasser]

Can I buy Slavic area? I think is okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to buy me a Hungarian man. Good cooking and good loving. At least that's what Grandma said.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, T bone. I wanted to.

[Jim Louderback]

With Teresa Strasser. Eat a dick. Msnbc.

[Adam Carolla]

So, folks, that Eliza is going to be performing tonight, Thursday night through Saturday night at Pepper Belly.

[Theresa Strasser]

Today's Wednesday. Was this going out tomorrow?

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I took a beat. I took a beat.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a theater of the mind. And now the curtain's been pulled back.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell Danny to move on.

[Theresa Strasser]

Yeah, I don't know how this works.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right.

[Theresa Strasser]

Clearly it's in Fairfield, California.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Louderback]

And now your Adam Carolla Extra.

[Adam Carolla]

Today's Jag is based on my book, which is coming out in November. I'm not trying to plug the book. It's just I've been talking about it and thinking about it a lot lately, and it reminded me of this little story when it came time to do the book. And all through the process of doing the book, I would say to my editor, how long? Because you're talking to a guy who's never written a three page book report. Well, actually, I've written quite a few book reports, but all on the same book. I wrote eight book reports on the Phantom Tollbooth. You want to save time in life, read one book in the fifth grade and then have that book be the book you write the book report on. Now, it will seem a little lame when you're a senior in high school and you're turning in a book report on the Phantom Tollbooth, but no one's going to think that's the book you read in the fifth grade. No one will think you're that lazy. Anyway, I never turned in more than three pages in my life. And all of a sudden I was staring down the barrel of 300 pages. And I said, how many? How long does this book need to be? And here was the answer. 80,000 words. And I thought, fantastic. Now I know exactly how long it's going to be. Obviously, I don't know what that is. I don't know if that means a phone book or a brochure. I don't know if you now have to number each word or count them. And then I thought to myself, what if we just took this and applied it to other facets of life? Like, how old are you? 15,000 days. Do the math. Dill weed. And how much do you weigh? 3,156 ounces. Wow, that's good for a man of your age. I'm just saying, people, I know it's your business, and I know you're an editor, and I know this is what you do, and I know it's your lingo, but for the rest of the world, dumb it down for us, would you, please? I would include doctors and attorneys in this group as well, but pipe fitters and carpenters can be tossed onto that pile as well. Just fucking dumb it down. Really? 300 pages or 275 pages? You don't think I would understand that? I got to hear the 80. I think it was between 75,000 and 80,000 words, which then made it to be. I don't know if that's 10,000 pages and 15,000 pages. Either way, this was Chinese algebra to me. The good news is the book is done. And I think it came in under 80,000 words. Oh, it didn't? Oh, well, 83 quick revision. This update, the book is 85,000 words, a lot of ants and does.

[Jim Louderback]

That was your Adam Corolla extra.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Kollisho 367. Coming up next, we have Adam Krolla, show 368. This one's recorded at Comic Con.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam at Comic Con. Wah, wah, wah. Yeah, he went there.

[Giovanni]

The first guest is Jim Louderback.

[Adam Carolla]

Then we got Mark Silvestri, comics legend. Really interesting chat.

[Giovanni]

Adam has no idea who he is. He's an old school Loveline fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Turns out we got Scott Riggs, we.

[Giovanni]

Got comics creator Zack Johnson, and we have MC Frontalot.

[Adam Carolla]

Very eclectic series of guests walking the.

[Giovanni]

Floor of Comic con. Adam Carollo, 2010.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out. Hey, it's Adam Caroll from the Adam Carolla show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games in these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Bet online. The game starts here. Comic Con. I can't believe I'm saying that. I'll get to our guests in our second. I just want to go ahead and set it up. We're streaming live from Comic Con, although if you're listening to this on a Friday, don't bother trying to get us live. Thanks to our friends at Top Cow Productions for having us and letting us use their booth and our buddies at Stick Cam for providing the live streaming. And again, if it's Thursday or you can hear my voice, go check it out, but if it's Friday, don't bother with it. Also Saturday. So Saturday night we added a second show to our House of Blues show. So plenty of tickets. Come on down and see us at the House of Blues in San Diego. And I want to thank everyone for this. My book, which doesn't come out until November 2nd, is in the top 10 of Amazon Best sellers because you people and you people bought it and you pre ordered it. And so now a guy who's functionally illiterate. Donnie, back me up on this. A man that spelled girls with a U on the chalkboard in the seventh Grade. A man who read one book in his entire life, and that was the Phantom Tollbooth and wrote nine book reports on it. A man who was a ceramics major and put on academic probation at a junior college, Knowledge could debut on the New York Times bestseller list, thanks to my minions and their purchasing power. So if you're thinking about buying the book, pre order the book, get us to the top of the list when it comes out, and there's a little thing called a book card or mark or placard or plate or something, and I'll sign it for you and send it out to you. I don't know how it works, but you'll get an autograph if you jump on it. I think it's only the first 2500, so you have to act now. And now. Wait, no, no, no. One more thing, one more thing. I want to tell everybody that this broadcast is also being powered by newtek. They have provided us our tricaster. Ah, love Newtek. Love that new tech.

[Donny]

Hello, Philip Nelson from newtek.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder how long it took him to come up with that name. Like Free Astora Tech. No, no, no, no, no. Old tech. No, no. Grandpa tech. No, no. Let's see. Bad tech. Crap. Tech.

[Donny]

Crap.

[Adam Carolla]

Tech, Tech. Tech.

[Donny]

Smack. Tech.

[Adam Carolla]

Smack. Tech. Geritol Tech. No, no, no. We need something. No, we need something. That sounds worn out. New. New. New tech. You got it. And the great thing about a title like, like new tech, like, I work for kroc, the radio station Los Angeles, who call themselves rock of the 80s. But the problem with that is that was in 1985. But eventually it got to 90 and. And then. So new tech will always be new tech. Could be 2055. They'll still be new tech. Wait, let me. Let me. Let me talk in my camera and bring up my guest, Jim Louder back. I hope I pronounce it. You did that, by the way.

[Donny]

Perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Tim Louderback, the CEO of Revision. I should put my glasses on three and it's a Internet network. Tell us about that. Because we're trying to do that ourselves.

[Donny]

So we basically are doing what you're doing. We got 20 shows. They just.

[Adam Carolla]

We're doing what you're doing.

[Donny]

Well, you know what? We're all doing it together. We're building up Internet, video, and television as a new medium. A lot of people think it's just television on the Internet. It's not. It's something new. What you do is nothing like what you see when you turn on CBS or Fox.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Donny]

Same thing with us, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So it's not so much about taking shows that exist and putting them on the Internet. It's creating content for the Internet.

[Donny]

Well, and it's doing it around real, authentic people personalities. I mean, you're. You're a real guy when you're there. You put it all out on the line. Same thing with our shows, right? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. What are you making, a deodorant commercial? I don't know. This is. I give about 55, but my 55% is better than almost everyone else's. 90%. So that's what. Now, actually. True, true story. I used to be a carpenter, and I was doing some work at a guy's house, but I didn't quite finish the job. And he said, oh, you're one of those 95% guys who never quite finishes. And I said, no, I'm a 75 percenter. Has given you an extra 20%. That and it made him feel good about himself.

[Donny]

Did he pay you another 20%?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. And his wife got pissed at me because I was sweeping up my sawdust in his garage. Oh, chicks. Let me tell you something. I'm sweeping up sawdust in the garage, you know, and I have a dustpan filled with sawdust, and I dump it into a plastic. What looks like a trash can, but it's a Hampstead, and her sweater's in there. And she, like, freaks on me, and I'm like, what? Listen, you can't freak on a guy for cleaning up. I didn't. In the hamper. I was trying to clean up my shit. Just bang your sweater out, honey.

[Donny]

Yeah, but you know how girls are.

[Adam Carolla]

About their clothes, right? God damn. I know, I know. My wife does that shit where she's like, I gotta buy a dress for the Howard Stern wedding or for the premiere, for the Whatever. And I'm like, wear the one you wore before. It's fine. And she's like, I was seen in that. It's not a hymen. It's a dress, baby. Exactly.

[Donny]

My wife's got a closet full of clothes. I'm like, have you ever worn that? She's like, I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Donny]

Will you ever wear it?

[Adam Carolla]

You're not gay.

[Donny]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. Is that disappointing for you, Donnie? I said only gay guests today. What part of gay guests don't you understand? Understand? So sad. So, Jim, where are you guys based out of and how does it go?

[Donny]

So we're in San Francisco. We've got what?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing this damn all right, we're.

[Donny]

In the south part of San Francisco.

[Adam Carolla]

Carter's got a closet. Yeah, yeah. So. All right, sorry. San Francisco.

[Donny]

San Francisco. We've got a studio that's, you know, a little bit similar to what you do your stuff in. Mostly we use a tricaster for live stuff, so we do shows like dignation, which you might have heard, Kevin Rhodes.

[Adam Carolla]

Alex Albrecht, we had those guys. Yeah, Kevin was on.

[Donny]

Kevin on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Donny]

Tekzilla about technology. A bunch of us were at ZDTV, which became Tech TV, which then got shut down by G4.

[Adam Carolla]

How's the monetization going for us?

[Donny]

It's going pretty well.

[Adam Carolla]

It is?

[Scott Riggs]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But you told me off the air, you're still driving the same 90 Miata you bought in high school.

[Donny]

I am not a car guy like you are.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you could afford a nicer car.

[Donny]

I could afford a nicer car.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. San Francisco Miata. Come on.

[Donny]

You know what else? You know what my other car is?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a Saab that's Euro Gay. That's. I only blow guys that are uncut.

[Donny]

And, you know, my wife has a Land Rover, so you can figure that one out, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I guess. She's the dude. But the. Yeah, I like the Saab because Saab's like. They make a car to annoy people. They're like, we don't put the ignition underneath the emergency brakes. No one, no, no valet will ever know where it goes. It'll be, like, quirky and a little bit expensive and underpowered. What a sh. It's such a shock that that company's having different. Difficulty.

[Donny]

It's actually not underpowered. It's a four cylinder with a turbo. So it's. Well, not compared to the cars you have. It's not fast, but for me, it's fast enough.

[Adam Carolla]

What was I saying? All right, so Saab Miata, living the life in San Francisco on the beach.

[Brian Bishop]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And you guys sell. The monetization goes. How. I mean, is it much different? Different than having a network television or owning a network?

[Donny]

No, it. Actually, the model we have is like the model that you guys used on radio for so long. It's sponsorships and show.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Donny]

So the hosts will be talking, and then all of a sudden they'll stop and say, I want to thank our sponsors. And they'll talk about Ford, they'll talk about Dice, they'll talk about Amazon, they'll talk about Squarespace.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Whoever. We're the same. Except for butt plugs galore.

[Donny]

You got to go for what your audience wants.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And no, we're actually starting to get ourselves some pretty decent sponsors our own self. As a matter of fact, I think I have one I should have read by now, come to think of it. Yeah. Oh, it'll be rolled in the show. All right.

[Donny]

Well, you don't even have to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, light lifting day for me.

[Donny]

Yeah, you've come up in the world. You don't have to do your own sponsorships. You must be really doing well.

[Adam Carolla]

So now are people working? Do you. How's it changed? You guys started in 05, five years old. How much has this changed in five years?

[Donny]

Well, a lot. I mean, what five years ago it was lower production value, we weren't in hd. It was basically audio and a little bit of pictures. But it's also very long form now. A lot of what we do, although we still do half hour to hour long shows, a lot of shorter stuff too.

[Adam Carolla]

And how's the audience change? I mean, do you know any what, what were the numbers toward the beginning versus now?

[Donny]

So I think there's a core group of fans who loved, I mean initially when we were doing Dig Nation and a couple other shows, it was fans of Kevin Rose, fans of Alex Albrecht and they have a lot of fans and that's grown over time. But we've added in additional shows about different things, still focusing on 18 to 34 year old guys mostly, but shows about technology, shows about filmmaking, shows, even a cooking show about how to make real food.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you see the future. Where do you see the future with this stuff? Because I can't. You know, there's a part of me that says, well, obviously time is on our side because all the younger people coming up, the future generations and our kids, I assume you're your partner, have adopted. But all these people coming up, it's all about the computer. That's that's the only place they're going to go. On the other hand, there's so much content on the computer now, it's insane.

[Donny]

Well, I don't think the computer is actually the end all and the be all of it. I think what you've got are these smart screens that are very different sizes. So look, you got a 50 inch TV, whether it's Vizio or LG or somebody else, it's a computer behind it connected to the Internet and it's going to have access to everything that you do that we do. NBC, espn, everything down to a phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Or an iPhone is everyone's next television for their let's talk technology for a second because I don't know shit about any of this stuff. My television that's currently in my den is, you know, nice flat panel job, probably two years old. Am I going to get a new tv and is that new TV going to be a computer and a TV or is the computer going to come to my current television?

[Donny]

Well, it depends on what you want to do. I mean, considering that you can afford massive. Well, if you can afford quarter million dollar race cars, you can get a new tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so I get a new tv.

[Donny]

Your new TV will have technology inside that is basically a computer.

[Adam Carolla]

So everyone's next television, pretty much everyone, let's say everyone here, everyone who's listening to this, everyone who's watching us stream via stick cam. Their next television is going to be a computer.

[Donny]

It's going to have, it'll have that. You can plug it right in or use wireless to cook up to your cable modem or your Internet access, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And then we will sit there and we will watch NBC or we'll watch you.

[Donny]

And the.

[Adam Carolla]

What I don't. Let me put words in your mouth. Is that what I, what I think.

[Donny]

Is going to happen is you'll have this level playing field, right? Right where the Adam Carolla show, dig Nation, Tekzilla lost 24, Conan, whatever network he ends up on in five years.

[Adam Carolla]

TBS. Yeah, I don't know, about five years.

[Donny]

They're all going to be on equal ground. You'll be able to now look at it. What's interesting is Google's trying to get into this as well. So right now you go up on Google and on your computer and you type a search, search results come up, paid search results over here, right? Google wants to be in your tv and they're doing a pretty good job at it so far without having to release anything. But you'll be able to go up and be and talk into your phone and say, I want to see that. ADAM Carolla and up on screen will be a list of all the different shows that you're in and the things that your guests on. And they'll be able to just click.

[Adam Carolla]

On it and go, yeah, my wife, as it is now, my wife punched my name into the, you know, DVR or, you know, the recorder. And that, that thing's not as smart as it could be because once in a while I'll be like, oh, I'm on the Family Guy. And then I watch the whole thing and I'm not on it and it pisses me Off I get excited to hear me, you know.

[Donny]

Well, I don't know who makes your dvr, but it's because the technology in there is not as good as Google's. I mean, look, Google does a good job of searching. So you put it into Google and you put your name in Family Guy, and chances are they're going to find out which episode it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that would work. Yeah. This is just into the dvr. You can. It's kind of cool. I, again, I don't want to sound like a blowhard. I didn't do it myself, but reruns of, you know. Oh, the Show Vegas. I did a guest spot. The Show Vegas, like, in 07.0607. And there it was, sitting on my television, me. Waiting for me to come home and watch me.

[Donny]

I'm sure that was kind of a meta experience.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, one of the best sessions I've ever had. So.

[Donny]

But, I mean, in answer to your question, I think it's. You're gonna want to watch any of this stuff on whatever screen you have. If you have a cell phone, you'll watch it on that. If you have a big screen, you'll watch it on that. And all of them will connect up together. And I think that there'll be an app that you build, the Adam Carolla app that will run on your tv. It'll run on your iPad, it'll run on your phone, it'll run on your computer, it'll run on anything that you have. And you want a dose of Adam Carolla, click on the app, and wherever you happen to be, whatever your latest.

[Adam Carolla]

Thing is, will show up. Wow, that's going to be weird, I got to tell you. And, you know, the thing that's amazing about this whole thing is the. And it's interesting just philosophically, you know, delayed gratification is an important part of life. We don't like that part of life, but it's an important part of life. Meaning it's basically foreplay. We just want to fuck. I mean, whatever you and your partner do, that's none of my business. I voted. I wanted to make it. I was all about the prop, whatever that was. But the point is the foreplay, that's the part. But we want to skip, right? We want to skip it. But it's actually better, you know, to have that foreplay play. I'll get to where I'm going here in the next 10 minutes. You know, when you can see whatever you want, whenever you want it. I don't know. Like, let's Just talk about our kids for a second. When we were kids, we'd see the Grinch that Stole Christmas. The Grinch that Stole Christmas came on ABC December 19th or December 14th, 8:00. And if you were taking a tinkle in the bathroom and your sister yelled, it's back on, you'd go scurrying down the hall, slide on the wood floors and jump in just to see it. Because that was your only shot at seeing the Grinch that Stole Christmas. Well, now our kids have the Grinch that Stole Christmas on a Blu Ray, sitting in a pile of other Blu Rays they don't give a shit about. And if I said, hey, the Grinch that Stole Christmas is on, they'd be like, hey, dad, why don't you take that center hole and go screw it in the closet? They don't give a shit about that. We're, in a sense, in a weird way, screwing with them a little bit because everything is at their fingertips. But I wonder if that's a blessing or a curse.

[Donny]

I don't know. You remember Saturday Morning? You remember how the Saturday morning comics, the cartoons in September, they would do that preview and they'd be like, here's all the new ones we're gonna launch.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Donny]

You'd watch it, and then you'd get up early on Saturday morning the first time they debuted, and you'd be like, I can't wait to see HR Puff and stuff or whatever it is. And it was so disappointing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, because you hear those assholes Hanna Barbera yell, great, babe. I know I'll probably get mugged if I say how much I hate Hanna Barbera around this place.

[Donny]

The point is, we watch so much crap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we watch shit. We watch nothing but shit.

[Donny]

There was some good stuff. We watched a lot of crap. Now you can just watch the good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

But how about this? How about my super ironic sense of humor that was formed from watching so much shit? If I had, like, real high quality, you know, if I was sitting around just watching episodes, you know, Warner Brothers cartoons from the 50s and Seinfeld episodes, I probably would just be swinging a hammer right now. I wouldn't be angry and ironic. I was watching. I'm gonna talk to the audience for a second. Here's how we. I am. You know what I did last I. I did. I did Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. And then when I got home, I 2012 was waiting for me, the Cusack film on my DVR. And I was excited because it's like, it's. It's it's not good enough to be good, but it is sort of bad enough to be good, you know, and lots of action. At some point he pulled out his driver's license. License. This is Kuzak. Somebody's got a Google Kuzak's 8. You know what it said on it? It's date of birth. Well, first off, it was a crazy driver's license. It said six two. This is because I paused and stare at everything and obsessed. It said he was 6 2, 232 pounds. It was either 2, like 23 or 232. Anyway, it's like size of a decent sized outside linebacker. The NFL. I don't think Kuzak. Kuzak's. You know, it's not. He's not a waif model, but I don't know if he's 225, 230. It was a weird thing to put on the license. If I was Kuzak, I would have said, hey, make a 198. Date of birth. Any guesses on the date of birth on John Cusack's driver's license?

[Scott Riggs]

All right.

[Donny]

1 1.

[Adam Carolla]

1978. 79.

[Donny]

Wow, he's really lying.

[Adam Carolla]

79. And then I thought, well, this is the future. But not really. It's 2012 practically there. Exactly. 19. What? He's born in 66. How many years? He shaved like 12 years off his life. That. That son of a bitch. Anyway, I stared at that for 45 minutes and that was my. My experience.

[Donny]

Isn't technology great?

[Adam Carolla]

Technology is great.

[Donny]

Awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

But I say we need some gratitude. We need some delayed gratification. And we also need some shit so future versions of me can make fun of it.

[Donny]

Look, if you need delayed gratification, just watch baseball.

[Adam Carolla]

Good point, Jim. I think our next guest is here. Is that the set we're doing coming or here? Jim Ladderback, CEO Revision three Everyone, Internet Television. Check him out.

[Scott Riggs]

Thank you very much.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate it.

[Donny]

Thanks a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, who's next? That's right.

[Donny]

Whoops.

[Adam Carolla]

Mark, have a seat. Yeah, I don't know anyone who's here. How are you, buddy? Good to see. Thank you. Well, Mark just introduced himself CEO of Top Cow Productions and he creates now. You're big around here, right?

[Donny]

I am known for walking away with mics.

[Adam Carolla]

You're big. You're big. Because it's a good thing it wasn't wired. I must. I must admit. I must admit. I don't. Hi, genie.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

No genie. Literally.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're literally genie. Oh, you were the genie. Oh, hey, genie. Wow. Gotta get your Mic here, Mark. We did a. We did a. Not mic'd up. Yeah, yeah. We did a skit. I do. We did a skit on the man show I Dream of Genie, and. Yes, you were the genie. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You saw my wife's boobs.

[Adam Carolla]

I do remember that.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

And I know that you're a boob man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Now you remember. Look down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

So you remember her now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I remember that. I was excited.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Just do this, honey. I don't remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually, we saw you maybe a couple.

[Theresa Strasser]

Months after at the Playboy Mansion, and.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, hey, Adam. And you're like, hey, oh, listen, everyone does that thing. I don't. I never do that. Everyone does that thing where they go like, hey, man, I saw you at the airport six years ago. You told me to fuck myself. I'm like, I didn't say that to you. I said hi to you, and you went, like, off. And I'm like, I don't do that. You felt that way. That doesn't mean I did it. Yeah.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

It's not like you read cue cards to find out who you're talking to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't need these cue cards.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Mark, but it is a pleasure to meet you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thanks, buddy.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

From the old Loveline.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I love that. And I'm. I, I. I wish I just dropped your cue card. I wish I knew about comic books. I don't. I, I don't. All first.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

I don't know about radio or tv.

[Adam Carolla]

All I know is, you know, they're making tons of money.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You make cars?

[Adam Carolla]

I like cars. Yes. I built. Spelled marginally different, differently. Although you wouldn't know it. I have jerseys with. It's spelled wrong on my back. All right, let's talk about you. Let's focus on you. Let's get away from your wife's tits.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You can't get away from them.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but I. I gotta go re. Look at that. That episode, it's all over YouTube. All right, now, where was I? Ah, Top Cow Productions. All right. Formed in 1992.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How. How does this work? Work? How do you. How do you get started in this industry?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

I've been in comics since 81, so my entire adult life, I've been in comic books. And in 92, me and a bunch of other idiots decided to start our own business, Image Comics. And since we didn't like each other, we decided, okay, this is how we're going to structure it, even within Image. We all have our own companies, right? So Top Cow is my own company. You know Tom McFarland has Tom McFarland Productions.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

And such. There's four of us left, seven started, four of us left. And top cows like we're still here.

[Adam Carolla]

How is one. I mean, I could do the math, but when you're starting out, how do you monetize it? How do you make money doing comics?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You know, at that time and again, we're talking about 92, 93. So things were a lot different.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

We were literally, and I hate to say this because it sounds really crass, but we were literally printing money back then, which is what allowed us to really actually make it happen. The market was looking for something like what we were. When we hit the market, we literally could put anything and it would be sold in the hundreds of thousands of copies. We were laughing back in the day, a hit today. Comic book would be a hundred thousand copies. That'd be a hit. It's a major hit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You sold 100,000 units of a new idea today, right?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Back then we were canceling books if they sold less than half a million.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Donny]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So laughing about it now is it sort of like newspapers in the sense that people have a computer now and so they're not picking up the. Actually buying copies. You know, the. Is it that? What's going on today?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Well, here's the, here's the thing.

[Donny]

It's.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You might call it a double edged sword or a double advantage. When I'm in a good mood, I call it a double advantage. All right, now, right now I'm talking to you. It's a double edge.

[Adam Carolla]

But I would nickname my wife Double Advantage. You do? That's a good name for her.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Double D Vantage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Double D Vantage.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

I've heard your show.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Look, we're going into the digital age. We all know that, you know that. You're in the business, entertainment business.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

It's all digital. We're prepared for that. We know it's coming. IPads, iPhone, applications, it's cool. But there's always going to be a hardcore for our audience that wants something tactile.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure. And they want something that exists that they can hand to their kids or sell on ebay or something like just physical, like they could get your autograph on. You can't get your autograph. I mean you could autograph the guy's iPad, I guess, but you can't put that in plastic. You can't put it in a Lucite case and put it in your living.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Room and you give that to your kid when you're on your deathbed. He's not going to care.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You know, but we're always gonna be printing comic books, and I believe that market will always exist. The numbers, they won't be what they were in the past.

[Adam Carolla]

But what countries are biggest for comic books? Well, Japan probably is into that. Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Japan is like the manga industry in Japan, which I wish is the same as it was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Here.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

It's cultural. Everyone reads comics in Japan. Everybody does.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the. Is. Is that a fantasy thing? I mean, like. Like, it's a weird. I'm trying to think, like, what group wants to be swept away? You know what I mean? Like, you think, why Japan? You know? You know, I mean, why not Mexico? If I was in Mexico, I'd rather be swept away. Japan, I'd just eat sushi off a naked chick and, you know, pay 200 bucks for Kobe beef. But I wouldn't want to be swept away into another world, you know? But if I was like, in Tijuana, I would like to be swept away.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Maybe there's a literacy misery level, is what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm trying to think, like, just from a pure psychological standpoint, like, why some. Why. What is the. What part of your brain and what is that gene that. That is turned on by a comic book versus, you know, a bull fight or whatever?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Any. Any culture. And this is. And again, you know, kind of veering a little bit. But any culture wants that wish fulfillment. Right. All comic books are, whether they're in Asia, whether sold here, whether in Mexico, whatever. The best comics and the best characters always take you to that place of wish fulfillment. Right. Who's Bruce Wayne?

[Adam Carolla]

He's Batman. Oh, yeah, I get you.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Oh, you just. Busted.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. All right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Bruce Wayne is Batman. Thank you for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's like Wayne Manor.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Yeah, it's just what we kind of. It's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. But I'm just wondering why certain cultures are attracted to the wish fulfillment thing versus other cultures are. Like, it. No getting drunk.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

There's. I'll take that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, me too.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

There's a whole other. There's a whole lot of theories about that, because the Japanese market, the Asian market is very specific and much higher in that venue, the graphic venue, than anywhere else in the world. Much higher than here. I mean, really, everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are we in the United States? I mean, where would we rank? We're below Japan.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Below Japan. We used to be below Europe. I think that market's changed a little bit to a certain degree. Hollywood again. It's A double edged sword. Hollywood has kind of helped, right? Sure, it's helped not necessarily in the monthly comics, but it's helped in the collections like you see in Barnes and Noble, the bookstores, Amazon.com.

[Adam Carolla]

When you take a graphic novel and you make a movie out of it. Is there such a thing? And tell me if this has happened before. I don't know. Where you get out of the gate, you fuck it up. Like you take something good. I don't know, maybe the Hulk. I don't know. It's the first one good. Maybe it was.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Okay, I'm gonna use that example.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you kind of get one shot to get out of the gate with it and then if not, you gotta wait 20 years or something because if you trip and fumb. Trip and stumble getting out of the blocks and fuck it up like Spider man probably did a good job of getting out of the gate with something strong that people wanted to see.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You look at the Batman franchise. Batman, the TV series which I grew up on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

It took them 40 years to recover from that to make the Dark Knight.

[Mark Silvestri]

Right, right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

So. And that's going to be an evergreen franchise with us. It's like we, we did wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Saw that. You see that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I'm gonna, I wanted to see it. Nice.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Should we talk about tits again?

[Adam Carolla]

I got salt in my eye.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Anyway, check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the Angelina Jolie. Yes, I, I will.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

But I mean that was a big deal.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't, to be fair, I gotta blame that on my wife because I can't get her to that movie. She doesn't.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

No, she'd love it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll tell her.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Yeah, Seriously enjoys Badass.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll put it in my TiVo queue, by the way. But you, you guys did want it.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

We did really well with that 300 plus million dollars. And it's like. But if it had done poorly. It's done right, literally for 10 years.

[Adam Carolla]

It's done right now. You can come, come back. Where would like Lara Croft, Tomb Raider. I know they did another one of those. I think. Where would that land? Like, I don't feel like they're going to do another one of those.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

No, they're going to reboot it. They'll be fine. They're going to reboot it. It won't be with Angelina. They'll probably reboot that. We used to publish that comic book, you know, for us. We have a property called Witchblade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Which we had a live action TV series on TNT like 10 years ago. We did an animated version of it in Japan, which is completely different in the sense a different character. And it's Japanese. They did whole anime style. They increased their bus size by at least 180%, but it works.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they go nuts with that stuff over there.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

They went completely out of their minds with it. But it's still very good. And now we're working on a feature film for it. So because we didn't destroy it when we first came out of the box years ago, we can still keep reviving.

[Adam Carolla]

What, what happens when you're doing a feature and some numb nuts in Hollywood is trying to fuck up your vision, which I'm sure never. It never ending.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Oh, that never happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes it's through casting, but other times it's just through story or whatever. They take the character and they say we have to make them more light and we have to make them appeal to women.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Can we have a talking dog?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. And they start fucking around. And what do you do at that point? How do you deal with that?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

It really depends on the studio. It depends on how much juice you have. It depends how much that executive loves you or hates you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

There's horror stories everywhere. And I have a few. I have a couple of good ones, but I have more horror stories. And look, it's a crapshoot, you know, it's like. It really is.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. No, I know.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You know, I mean, sometimes a show works, sometimes it doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I know you've been there. I've been there.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

All you can do. All you can really do. And you know, this is when you get to the development stage in Hollywood, whether it's tv, movies, even video games, whatever, all you're really getting is the dice in your hand. That's all you get.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Okay. That's your opportunity. At that point, you blow on them, you throw them, and then if it comes up the way you want it to.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think people understand that. I. I don't think lay people understand what a crazy roll the dice. It is even. And even if you're good, good at playing craps, like it's still.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Even if the dice are loaded.

[Adam Carolla]

Even if they're loaded. Even if they're loaded. They always tell you going in they are loaded. But then something happens along the way. But. But it's insane. It's really. I always just sort of. It's funny. I always liken it to restaurants. You know, whenever I, you know, when someone else. Sometimes people say to me, I always liken late night shows to restaurants. Where people go, how's Jimmy Kimmel doing? Or how's this guy doing? Or how's that guy doing? I'll go, his door's been open for eight years. You know, I can't be doing that bad.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Can't be that bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, if you think about the failure rate of restaurants in la, it's probably higher. Late night shows and if the doors are open every Monday morning, that's a success. Then you're doing, you're doing okay.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

And it's absolutely true.

[Adam Carolla]

What is next for you, Mark? And what is the next movie you're.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Gonna be working on? We've got a few movies coming out. We have I think 10 films in development right now. And probably half of those have a chance of actually getting made, which is really like, I mean, that's a good average.

[Adam Carolla]

That's pretty damn good.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Witchblade film. We're working on a Darkness film. We have a film Alibi which is kind of a spy thriller. We have a couple of other ones coming out that we can't make an announcement just yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have any room in your queue for a new type of hero who likes to masturbate, complain about his parents ad nauseam?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Jackman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Sit around complaining about my dad not going to Popcorn.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, dad, if you only could have been in one of those games. So plenty of irons in the fire and so you're probably pretty well off, right?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

I mean, I'm having a good time.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a good looking wife, you played the genie and you've seen her tits. Yeah, you know what? But I can't remember them. They're not in my spank bank.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

They are. I know they are.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not. I could probably jog them loose. A good hit to the head by blunt object would probably jar your wife's tits loose somewhere because I know they're like a computer. Your brain's just like it is computer that you can't. But you can't access it anymore.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

You can go to YouTube, see the, see the clip again. You'll remember.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't watched any man show anything.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

It's like a bad memory or what?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm, you know, I'm weird.

[Jim Louderback]

I don't read my own comments either.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, I'm not a weirdo about it. Like I don't burn calories getting away from it. I just don't seek it out, I guess is what it is. Like if I turn on my TV and there was an episode with your wife and her tits. And me dressed up in a suit as Major Healy. I would probably. Is that his name? Yeah, I would. I would watch, but it's not on. And I'm not gonna get. I don't have the box set at home. I think it's the problem. Kathy, you look like you're. You're leaning like you're on some kind of.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Is that this sign?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

So we still got some time, so I was kind of done.

[Adam Carolla]

When you travel.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You walk around here, you sign a lot of autographs, Right. Like, people recognize you by name, but they recognize your face too, Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

In this sphere.

[Adam Carolla]

In this sphere. Because this is a hardcore crew.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Yeah. You don't want to piss these people off.

[Adam Carolla]

How long have you been coming to this?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

I've been coming to San Diego Comic Con since I moved to California, which is 22 years ago. So I've seen the arc.

[Adam Carolla]

It was not years old, I guess that's what I heard at least.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

No, that makes me 60.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

No, this is 41 years old.

[Adam Carolla]

This is 41 years old.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Okay, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Come.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Coming here. Yeah. 22 years ago when it was just a comic convention.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

The shift happened about 10 years ago, 11 years ago that it started to become this.

[Adam Carolla]

And the deal is, it's that sort of viral thing. Like we go like, look, if we're launching a TV show or movie or something, we got to get our talent out there. We got to talk about it. Because these people are all going to like run home and blog and talk about it, and they get pumped up about something six months in advance. There's a viral aspect.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

They're not even going to go home. They're tweeting it already. Right now they're tweeting what assholes we are.

[Adam Carolla]

No, seriously, right there.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

I just saw them do it. But it's true. I mean, this has become the Sundance version of the genre film. The Sundance version of the tentpole film. The Sundance, you're spending. You find an independent film and you spend like, okay, here's $10 million. That's a high end version of it, right? We got a great deal here. We're talking about every agent, every studio, everybody comes down, he's coming down here, right, to see the next big tentpole.

[Adam Carolla]

And try to get it. And now it's a situation where you just have to like, I don't care how. How anti geek you are, how much, much you hate the Silver Surfer. I don't give a if you've made fun of that your entire life. If you have a movie coming out, you got to come down here.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

And you can see it on the faces, too. You can see the ones who have to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's the difference between a, A date and a prostitute. I, I, I guess I'm just saying the look in the eye of, I don't want to be here.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

They're still, well, for Spencer.

[Adam Carolla]

Then I got sex with this Asian businessman who I'm not attracted to. I'll do it for 500 bucks. Yeah, yeah, we all have our price. Who were the. Oh, yeah, no, I'm, I wasn't being. I wasn't a hypothetical. I was saying literally, who are some of the first. Like, who are the guys who are ahead of it? Like, as, as a, as a pioneer and a veteran of comic con? Was it like, what's some of the earlier celebrities you saw out here? The ones that weren't forced out here?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

It was Slim Pickens. It really was. You didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Country singer.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

If I ever had a kid, I'd name him that, I swear to God, just for the hell of it.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Even though it's not my last name.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we do have another guest. Yeah, but, but, like, when was it. Do you remember you said about 10.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Years ago, it turned, it turned about 10 years. I mean, we brought Yancy Butler up when we did the Witch Play TV series, and that was one of the first times celebrity started to happen. I think the first time that it really turned a corner was when the.

[Adam Carolla]

X Men movie, right? And now you got to get company.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

All of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Ali, Barry. Was she out here?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Halle Berry was out here. Every major star was out there, whether the movie is going to be good or not. Speaking of. Right, they got to come out here, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Where can. If you want to give people a plug, Mark, I want to give you a plug and tell people where to find you. And I'm sure everyone here knows where you are already, but you want to toss out a website or see follow. You follow your new graphic novels that are coming out and all that stuff. Where should they go?

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Go to topcow.com that's our hub website, right. And you can find anything you need there. All our news, what movies are coming up, what comics are coming up. We got a whole lot of crap coming up. It's all fun. It's all good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Mark. Pleasure.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Nice meeting you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Cool guy. Appreciate you coming in. Thanks. All right, who's next? Ah, Scott Riggs, senior director of Radio Slacker. We'll talk to him about Technology. Nice to meet you, Mark. Tell your wife hi again. Forgot about his wife. Scott.

[Scott Riggs]

Hey, Adam. How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Good. I just took a swig off some water. Good to see you, buddy. All right, Senior director of Radio Slacker. How does that go?

[Scott Riggs]

So Slacker is one of the many Internet radio options out there. One of the things we do is we allow you to personalize radio. So you can either listen to stations that we have programmed by music directors across the country.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Scott Riggs]

And then as you listen, if you hear, let's say you hate the White Stripes, ban them. You don't hear them on that station.

[Adam Carolla]

So you essentially can program. You can play program director. Right. I mean, to your own station.

[Scott Riggs]

To a certain extent, yeah. So you either, if you're passive and you just want to just say, I just like alternative music, let me hear it and tweak it a little.

[Adam Carolla]

We call them bottoms in the business. Passive. Right. So if you're passive, let the program direct you. Yeah.

[Scott Riggs]

And you can tweak it a little bit. Or you could go in and just say, these are all the artists I like. Make me a station based on that. And then we can do that as well. Then you can tweak that as you listen to it as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So. And what if I just said. What if I was Jimmy Kimmel and I just said Huey Lewis, that's the only artist I want to listen to? I'm not kidding, by the way. The stolen guy I listen to. Would it just be non stop, you know, Huey Lewis songs stuck on you?

[Scott Riggs]

That is. It's a different level of the service. There's having. I worked in terrestrial radio for years, so making this jump, I've had to learn the. The world of licenses and the way labels licenses things. So for a standard Internet radio, you can't just hear one artist by themselves unless you pay for that privilege. That's called on demand.

[Donny]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Scott Riggs]

So you pay a subscription service and you can get that level where you can pick exactly what you want to hear, but you have to pay more for that.

[Adam Carolla]

And what is your minimum number of people you can put into your queue before it's about that.

[Scott Riggs]

Yeah, it's about. They like. I think it's four songs by one artist in three hours. So if you have about 15 artists, then you're good to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Yeah. All right. I guess, I guess technically I was trying to think like you could do the Eagles and then you could do all the Eagles, like Glenn Frey and. And I. Don.

[Scott Riggs]

Henley.

[Adam Carolla]

Henley. And I'm trying To think of all their separate projects and.

[Scott Riggs]

Yeah, that would be skirting it a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

You could get like the James Gang in there with what's his name? I'm trying to think of that. Joe Wall and all that. Good. It could kind of. You could punch it a little. Yeah, totally interesting. All right, sorry. Well, where was I? So what did you do in terrestrial radio?

[Scott Riggs]

I was a dj.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you were?

[Scott Riggs]

I worked for Jack Silver for a little while. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, where'd you work for Jack Silver?

[Scott Riggs]

Here in San Diego. He used to do a classic rock station.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Scott Riggs]

For a while.

[Adam Carolla]

And did you, did you have a name? You have an on air name? Come on. At 7:30 I did.

[Scott Riggs]

Next. I just use my real name. I came from college radio and I wanted to be real and pure when I was doing it. But I having worked, I worked at a classic rock station that Jack Silver was program director for and it flipped to a 70s hits. So we went from playing everything cool in the 70s to bread.

[Adam Carolla]

I would give everything I owe. Yes, I found your diary underneath the tree. Yeah, Such game.

[Scott Riggs]

So I got. Yeah, so I was. My dream of radio was just killed. And then I used to do overnight. So I do midnight to six and I'd have Jack calling me up, yelling at me because I wasn't doing the call letters correctly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Now what were the call letters and how did he want them delivered?

[Scott Riggs]

So the station I started with, we.

[Adam Carolla]

Got a bread super set coming up. I'm gonna go out and park, go out of a little butt, kill myself. I'm Jack St. Pierre.

[Scott Riggs]

He wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

We.

[Scott Riggs]

We. When we flipped, we went from kclx, which was the classic rock station, to the beach, which was sounds of the 70s or something. But I had to go down. It was 102.9 the beach. But I had to go down on the 9 and up on the beach. According to him, at 4 in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Morning, mind you, like giving you an angry phone call. The guy was beat up on speed, you know.

[Scott Riggs]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't go down on the nine.

[Donny]

Right.

[Scott Riggs]

Where's your program director hotline? Flashing while I'm doing my.

[Adam Carolla]

That would go like. What would that sound like?

[Scott Riggs]

102.9. The beach was the way we had to. We had to go down on the nine up on the beach.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Riggs]

That made it so much better. And here's Brad.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I had. I was lucky that when I started radio it was always syndicated.

[Scott Riggs]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And I started Loveline. I think we did one day. I think we did one Day. Of non syndicated. I did one day, and then the following day we're on a 91X out here, which ironically comes in better.

[Scott Riggs]

Just as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Or better for my house than KROC does for my house. But anyway. Is that because they're transmitters in Mexico or something? That's right.

[Donny]

Yeah.

[Scott Riggs]

They shoot 100,000 watts versus 50,000 watts.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it's over an imaginary stripe in the desert.

[Scott Riggs]

Yeah, well, they don't have to follow the fcc.

[Adam Carolla]

What the are we doing? We need rules around here, people. I get 91. I could not hear KROC and any house I ever lived in, but I could hear 91x out of Mexico. No, no problem. But they'd have to do the call. They'd have to do the call things in like, Baja and like Spanish.

[Scott Riggs]

They have to play the Mexican national anthem at midnight.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they would.

[Scott Riggs]

Every night still to this day you have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my goodness.

[Scott Riggs]

And at six in the morning.

[Adam Carolla]

And at six in the morning and.

[Scott Riggs]

On Sunday nights, they have to play a Mexican national hour, which is public radio in Spanish.

[Adam Carolla]

Their whole.

[Scott Riggs]

For a full hour, you hear nothing but Spanish.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know that. And they have to do the fa.

[Scott Riggs]

Yeah, the legal id.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought the whole point of Mexico was not having any rules.

[Scott Riggs]

They actually have more rules than radio.

[Adam Carolla]

They have more rules than radio, Donnie. In Mexico, they have to play the national anthem. So if you have any radio station in Mexico, you need the transmitter. In Mexico, you have to play the national anthem at midnight and at 6:00am well, and make sense to me though. And by the way, in a weird way, they respect their country. Well, that's how you know you're a loser when you hear both of them. You know what I mean? Like, that's your sign to go to bed. I heard the one at midnight and I. It's okay just to hear the one at midnight and go to bed at 2. It's okay to hear the one at 6am because you got up at 5:45. But if you hear them both, I would use that as a. As a. As a. As a mile marker for me and my part partying life. If I hear the Mexican national anthem two times in a day, I'm going to rehab. All right, so worked out here work for the great Jack Silver. Yeah, I was lucky. I was syndicated, so I never had to do the call letters or the legal IDs or any of that.

[Scott Riggs]

But you did have to deal with them, right? You definitely had to deal with Jack.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Oh, it was awesome. Ace, man. I Got an idea. Wing ball. What's that, Jack? It's huge in Philly. I don't know what that is, Jack. Watch fat guy see how many hot buffalo chicken wings they can eat in 20 minutes. I don't know what's funny about that though. Why is that good radio, especially on radio, huge in Philly. And by the way, when you say Philly, go down on these, on the L, I'm like, all right, I. That the wing bowl was jacked. Actually it was, it was kind of interesting cuz yesterday Bald Brian, who does our show, did bring up that the two guys that Jack Galan, sorry, Jack Silver said were like Radio Death with Zach Galvanakis and Joel McHale. Of course, that was three years ago.

[Scott Riggs]

Biggest in the business now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Riggs]

Anyway, good, good sense, good instinct.

[Adam Carolla]

One time he did come in, he go, he said, ace, man, I got suggestion for the show. We give the timeout. I said, well Jack, we're on in different time zones. And he was like, gotcha. And he left. I thought, wow, don't get me wrong, I like the guy, but I don't know if there's much of a science to terrestrial radio.

[Scott Riggs]

No, I think, and you know from my experience that that was one of the reasons why I wanted to get out.

[Adam Carolla]

So you broke off and started Slacker and you can do it says here 120 different genres of stations. So I mean, it's really not limited like it is in terrestrial radio.

[Scott Riggs]

No, I mean when we started it, one of the things I wanted to do, having worked in terrestrial radio for so long, was to say, let's make sure that anybody that comes to our service gets as much, gets everything they want from terrestrial and more.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And how does the service work? If I wanted to sign up with.

[Scott Riggs]

You, it's real simple. It's free service. Just go to slacker.com.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S free. Yeah. Okay.

[Scott Riggs]

You just, you have to give your email address and then you're good, you have an account. Then we'll know as you customize your stations.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Scott Riggs]

We can keep that information so it goes wherever you go. So if you fire it up on your mobile phone, whether it's a BlackBerry I or Android phone, right. Wherever you are, we can always have that account and your information and take your stations with you wherever you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then how do you guys make money?

[Scott Riggs]

So we have a couple of models. Our free service is ad supported, but unlike terrestrial radio where I have to play 25 ads an hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You don't hear that many. But Also, you're hearing the songs you want to hear when you want to hear them. Like if I, you know, I want my brain, I want my diary underneath that goddamn tree, and I want it now. You know what I mean? I don't have to wade through your classic rock full shit to get to my easy listening from the 70s.

[Scott Riggs]

Or you could just make your own classic rock station.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I want to hear All Bread. All Bread. And what was the cat's name who's singing about driving a cab and picking up his old girlfriend? That was one of the greatest ones, Sir Eddie Rabbit. Oh, I Love A Rainy night.

[Scott Riggs]

Yeah, who does it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, what is that? Goddamn driving the cab and his girlfriend. There's a great 70s song where he was like, he was driving a cab and he picked up his old girlfriend who had long since went on to marry some rich dude. And he was still driving his hack, but at the end he was getting. Getting high. He felt free when he's driving his high, when he's driving stone in his. In his cab. Wasn't. It wasn't Guthrie. It wasn't. God damn it. Now it's pissing me off. Oh, the guy died in his VW on a bridge in San Francisco playing a. Playing a. Playing a benefit gig. Everyone that's listening could hear. But I can't figure it out. Oh, it's going to come to me anyway. What were we talking about? Oh, so you go, oh, yeah. And then there's a premium package. I'm guessing there's a subscription package where.

[Scott Riggs]

You'Ll have more control.

[Adam Carolla]

What does that get you? No commercials.

[Scott Riggs]

No commercials. Unlimited skipping. So if the programming isn't quite working out for you, you can skip more. Just this week we added ABC News as a news partner. So with that, you can get one once an hour news update on your station if you just wanted it, or a full news station.

[Adam Carolla]

And I imagine you're as interested as this getting into car radios as we're interested in getting our shit into car radios, and we've been checking into it and, pardon the pun, kicking the tires. And know that Ford's got some stuff coming out, but what. Who else has got stuff coming out? When are we going to turn the corner? What do you think?

[Scott Riggs]

Well, the secret really is phones, because cars are. It's going to be first. The technology line of a car is about five years before they actually add new things to it.

[Adam Carolla]

So unless they were, say, five years.

[Scott Riggs]

Five year window in terms of. If they decided today they wanted to put full Internet radio in There it's three to five years before they actually get them out the door.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Scott Riggs]

So they've been talking about it for a year or two. It's probably, you know, in the next couple years. But the key is going to be a phone. So if you have any kind of mobile phone that can sync with your car, that's going to be the magic. And then they'll. What they'll do is they'll build into the dashboard a control panel that talks to your phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then you're good to go because.

[Scott Riggs]

The phone's connected all the time, so you don't have to worry about.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, where are we with phone technology now? I mean, aren't we there now?

[Scott Riggs]

Yeah, we are. It's just the cars that to catch up.

[Adam Carolla]

So the car's gonna talk to the phone rather than the satellite talking to the car, Right, Right, exactly.

[Scott Riggs]

Because everyone's got a phone. You don't have to worry about throwing up a half a billion dollar satellite every time you want to expand.

[Adam Carolla]

What happens when the phone starts talking shit to the car? You know, the car's like, no shit. This guy's got a fat ass. He's crushing me. He's fucking crushing me. His mileage is definitely going to vary, man. Oh, and dude, did he fart up this car the other day? Oh, headliner never stop complaining. And the dome light. Oh, man, that fart. Brutal.

[Scott Riggs]

I think you should voice the new car technology. I should be the friendly car buddy that would embarrass you at the worst times possible.

[Adam Carolla]

So you climb in and I'm like. First thing is, like, I sound like an old rabbi. Like, oi. Oh, Jesus. Easy with the car Barbs already. You're killing me. And for the love of Christ, crack a goddamn window. Would a shower hurt? It's a dog. Days of summer. What are you wearing?

[Scott Riggs]

Rayon that just wait till you go out on a date and then embarrass the hell they.

[Adam Carolla]

Sit down. Hey, why don't you show her the ashtray filled with boogers? Come on, open it up. Romeo shower. Yeah, and I know you're listening to the White Stripes now, but come on, you were listening to bread on the way in and crying. The rear view mirror said he was crying. This guy was crying because he heard that song about the diary underneath a tree. Go ahead, tell him. Thank goodness he squeezed one off in a parking lot before he picked you up. I guess he didn't want the eye of the tiger. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Start talking. I agree. And then like Torturing you by blowing hot air on your face. And then you'd be sweating and driving. Wow.

[Scott Riggs]

That's the future right there, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

I think. Yeah. Hope Stephen King's listening. Oh, we got. We have another guest. Wow. We got more guests. Jesus Christ. Scott Riggs, senior director of Radio Slacker. I love this idea. I'm going to sign up with you cats. Thanks, buddy. Thank you very much. Get the call letters out one more time, the way Silver wants you to give them out.

[Scott Riggs]

102.9, KKBH, the beach.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Scott. Oh, we got two. We got Zach and Mc Bren a lot. Oh, okay.

[Giovanni]

Good to see you again.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you. Thanks.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I brought a. I brought a much more debonair, charismatic there with me to kind of pick up the slack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You guys got your nerd glasses on.

[Zach Johnson]

These are my regular glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. But. Oh, yeah, no, they're good. Thanks. I gotta wear. I gotta start wearing glasses now. I need reading glasses now, and I'm having to carry them around everywhere. And now I'm starting to wonder if I should just get ones that look, they're clear up top and, like, as a bifocals. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I don't know, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Just get your eyes. Can you get your eyes fixed to do the. To do the close reading?

[Giovanni]

She's like, cyborg eyes.

[Zach Johnson]

Just get them repaired. It's like, get them fixed like a young puppy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to put them back on. Zach, we met before with the Kingdom of Loathing and MC Front a lot. We don't. We don't know. I don't think I met. But you do. Yeah, you do. Uh, nerd Hip hop.

[Zach Johnson]

Nerdcore hip hop. In fact, I brought you the new record.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. What's it called?

[Zach Johnson]

New record's called Zero Day.

[Adam Carolla]

And how does this work? I mean, is it sort of like. Well, if you grew up in the inner city and you're singing about the LAPD and fuck them and crack and all that shit, but if you grew up around a Macintosh in Silicon Valley, then you rap about that.

[Zach Johnson]

Sort of. I try not to set it up in direct opposition because that's. So you want to be racist. But in fact, I'm not particularly hardened by my experiences growing up hiding next to a Commodore 64.

[Giovanni]

He says he does acting. He says he does it to avoid being racist, but really, he just doesn't want to get shot.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, he's practice practical nerd. Can we have. Can we hear a little of what you.

[Zach Johnson]

Sure, let's Say, let's say route. Oh, this is a song called braggadocio. It's like 10 years old. It's an old song.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good song.

[Zach Johnson]

Listen, I tell you, the front of Loud is incredible. Even recommended to rock the mic. Like, instead of a silence, you'd have of me fronting into the amplifier, point with a thumb at which MC to admire. I've got high res images of drum sounds that I loop. You get to listen to them and to me, too. How fortunate y'all are to get to bask under my glow. The MC humble conduit to nerdcore flow.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's Right Zingy kicks in.

[Zach Johnson]

Singing in the classroom.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. Hey, Zay, have you found a market for this? Are we moving some units?

[Zach Johnson]

Do all right. Yeah, I've been full time for about five years. Fly around the world, act famous.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah. Around the world.

[Zach Johnson]

Well, I just went to England for the first time.

[Adam Carolla]

And how does it work? I mean, you get booked, you play a theater.

[Zach Johnson]

It's like normal non nerd bands. I've got like three guys backing me up and we have a booking agent and a tour van and the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like they Might Be Giants, except for like a step nerdier. Right.

[Zach Johnson]

You know, for some reason, they Might Be Giants does not love to be associated with nerdiness. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't like that.

[Giovanni]

The heroes from that sort of New York scene in the 70s, slightly cooler.

[Zach Johnson]

Than they actually are. I think somehow I love them to death. They're like my nerd heroes. I don't understand why they would never want to be nerdcore.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not be nerd? Why not own it when you're singing about it? They'll come around.

[Giovanni]

Wasn't cool when they were growing up, you know? I mean, we are fortunate to live in the time that we do now where, you know, all these people, all these fans will come out and rave the crowds and spend some money on a T shirt to support something they believe in. So you don't need a label, you don't need, you know, you don't need the traditional means to be able to make a living doing creative stuff. And it's cool to be a nerd now.

[Adam Carolla]

How about the fact that nerds are probably getting laid now, even? And then what's gonna happen to the next generation of nerd? Because if you're getting laid, you lose your eye of the nerd. It takes the edge off, you know? I mean, the whole thing's about lots of time alone, working on, you know, your computer skills and whatnot. If you're out partying, if the nerds.

[Giovanni]

Are getting laid, Nobody's ever getting laid enough, you know, so there's always. There's always one. One more step you could go.

[Zach Johnson]

Also one can be getting laid and still somehow be horribly alone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think you're capable of that. Yeah, I am that way, too. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we can still keep our edge.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I hadn't heard me any.

[Adam Carolla]

And who is. Who's the holy grail of nerds? Like, is there. I don't know much about the culture, but I mean, yeah, like. Like, if you could. First off, historically, was Einstein the ultimate nerd, or was he just a weirdo?

[Giovanni]

Ben Franklin was pretty nerdy, I guess.

[Zach Johnson]

Franklin, that guy got laid often.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

There was a reason he went to bed early, you know, and it wasn't. Wasn't just. Just the health and.

[Zach Johnson]

Yeah, I think. Did he invent glasses?

[Adam Carolla]

Bifocals.

[Zach Johnson]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

There. Full circle these days.

[Zach Johnson]

You're like Hawking. You're Stephen Hawking.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Zach Johnson]

Weird Al Yankovic, I'd say.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, A lot of range.

[Zach Johnson]

There's a lot of, like, nerd comics I noticed that are huge these days. Like Patton Oswalt and Brian pushing, who we just ran into. Said to say hi to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you ran into Brian or Pat?

[Giovanni]

Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I love that guy. I'm surprised I can't see him from here. Well, you don't have reading glasses. Let's see. Yeah. And, yeah, it's interesting because I think we're playing the House of Blues on Saturday night, and Patton is playing House of Blues on Friday night, and he sold out both his shows immediately. And I was like, I know the guy's popular. And then I realized, oh, yes, this is. He's come home.

[Giovanni]

This is the high in this crowd. Everybody. Everybody's here, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Zach Johnson]

Minutes he does on comic books.

[Adam Carolla]

They love Patton Oswald. This nerd comedy.

[Giovanni]

He's out here on the floor. At least he was last year. We saw him and he just wandering.

[Adam Carolla]

Pat and I couldn't see for. From here, but. But, Brian, I would. I feel like I'm here. What do you think? What do you think are the key ingredients of a nerd? Like, how do you create? Are they. Is it nature or nerd? Nerd, sure. Nerds.

[Giovanni]

Nerd, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Got myself in the urban dictionary one more time. I already got behind.

[Giovanni]

I think there's a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, nerd, sure.

[Giovanni]

You know, my parents weren't nerds, but so like.

[Adam Carolla]

They weren't nerds.

[Giovanni]

They weren't nerds.

[Adam Carolla]

Did they, did they have nerds? I, I guess it's easier to be a nerd now though, isn't it? I mean, technology helps the nerd. Dumb.

[Giovanni]

It's not as stigmatized as it used to be either. So, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

And also it's like making money and. Yeah, I guess so.

[Zach Johnson]

You've got all your, you've got all.

[Adam Carolla]

Your cool to suck cock now. Yeah. Or.

[Zach Johnson]

Well, it's cool. It's always going to be cooler to type on a computer than to suck cock.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Zach Johnson]

Just, just be. Because the Republicans are never going to beat us up with pitchforks for typing on the computer.

[Giovanni]

They like that we're making money.

[Adam Carolla]

The nerds.

[Giovanni]

No, the Republicans like that the nerds are making money.

[Eliza Schlesinger]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the nerds are making money. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

The dick sucking tax.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, you can't pay, you know, 33% of blowjobs.

[Giovanni]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Add up to much, but thank God, a big tent pole blockbuster movie that adds up. X Men adds up.

[Giovanni]

You know what's cool about this place is that like there is all this like major stuff going on on this end of the hall. And then down there there's like the old men trying to sell comic books, looking around saying, what the. That's happened since 15 years ago. But in the middle of it there's all these like, you know, sort of little independent guys, you know, and it's, it's, it's. It has never been a better time for a guy to be able to like, have something that he's good at, something that he's like doing and just, you know, make a living at it. Not get rich, but just make a living at it. And like I said, these, these people are what makes that possible. The Internet to a large extent, I think is driving a lot of it.

[Zach Johnson]

For me, especially small devoted audiences.

[Giovanni]

Gigantic now and access to the means of production of stuff. You know, like 30 years ago he wouldn't have been able to do all of the mixing and stuff that he does for his music.

[Zach Johnson]

Sixteen years ago it was not possible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure. Well, look, I've, I've. Well, first off, when you watch an old movie movie and you realize that stuff was edited with a razor blade, you just think, Jesus, hats off to these guys. And then second thing is you realize that's why you watch these movies, they have scenes that go on, like they don't jump back and forth like we're, you know, smash cut, smash cut, smash cut.

[Giovanni]

Arguably, a lot of it was better back then.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it needed you to. You had to pay attention, right? Because they were like, let it breathe.

[Giovanni]

You know, I watched Ghostbusters the other day and there's a lot of Ghostbusters walking around here. But what, what I thought was remarkable about that movie was that a lot of it is just like almost the entire movie is just dudes standing there talking to each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

The entire movie is just funny conversations and yet somehow carried it, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was talking about this earlier in the, in the podcast and. But not with you guys, which is I wonder. See, I think this instant gratification society we're building is somewhat backfiring on us. Because when I take movies, for example, when you watched an action movie, even like Ghostbusters or comedy. Action comedy, but something like Jaws or something like that, you didn't really see the shark for a long time. You know, you didn't. The first, first time in Ghostbusters, like, I, I can't remember the sequence of everything, but they would go long period.

[Zach Johnson]

Librarian first, but you get about 12, 15 seconds of her. They don't really get in a fight with a ghost.

[Adam Carolla]

They go, yeah.

[Zach Johnson]

Halfway through the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess you guys have it all chronicled. No, no.

[Giovanni]

And to nerd out even further, it's like the original Star Wars. The Star wars movies, the original ones versus the new ones, you know, ask anybody here. Hey, how are the, how are the Star wars prequels?

[Adam Carolla]

You know? Right.

[Giovanni]

And it's like, yeah, it was maybe good that they had less money, you know, it's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to wait, though. Like, you have to get invested in the character. You'd have to care about them. And then when the guy was trying to blow them up or slime them or whatever, you were like, don't hurt my man. Versus lights up on a car chase scene through the streets of San Francisco. It's great, but I think we get a little numb.

[Giovanni]

It lasts too long for you to pay attention to it. And so, yeah, you just don't feel it.

[Zach Johnson]

The flip side of that, if I try to watch a film released in 1977, I get hugely bored. I have to crush a Adderall and snort it to get through. They will have 49 minute scenes and the people will be mumbling like two rooms away, kind of arty.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's the problem. I think we've created that. I think we've done that to ourselves. And I don't Know, I mean, right now we're at this place where it's all right. Like, all right. We can not watch films from the 70s and we'll be fine. But I'm trying to think of where we'll be 50 years from now if everyone's just. Metronome will be slapping back and forth so fast that if a signal turns red, you have to sit there. You'll start fucking. You'll start cutting yourself.

[Giovanni]

I think kind of. You know, you said about when the nerds start getting laid, you lose that. You lose that eye of the tiger that makes you go after stuff. I think there's probably a greater danger in kids not having. Kids are never bored. So you never get bored and just, you know, say, like, learn to ride a unicycle. You never. You're never so bored that you just go out and figure out how to do something you didn't know how to do. There is always something for you to watch.

[Adam Carolla]

I learned to ride a unicycle because I was fucking bored off my ass. Like, I learned to ride a unicycle. Yeah. I went. I learned. You learned. That's in a weird way. Look, that's why everyone who goes to prison writes a book. All of a sudden, you got 21 hours of downtime. You're locked in a cell. You start. Your imagination starts going nuts as much.

[Giovanni]

As they ever did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Zach Johnson]

So that's the answer. We'll just incarcerate the youth, and then we'll create an artist class.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

You take an IQ test. If you score high enough, we just put you in prison.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And all of a sudden, great work starting.

[Giovanni]

What could go wrong?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm all for that.

[Zach Johnson]

Let's do it that way. I was worried we were going to have to reinstate patronage to have a. Have an artist class again.

[Adam Carolla]

I was thinking. I've always secretly fantasized about being locked in prison for six months. Yeah. Like, you know this part. Dig this, if you will. And I don't know, it's an interesting experiment, but there's this part of life that is, you know, habitual. I want my red wine. When I go to bed at night, I drink my glass of red wine. You know, I want to listen to the music I listen to. I want to watch the shows. It's. It's. We're all very. We're creatures of habit. And sometimes in order to create something, you need to break that habit. Like, you need to be dropped off somewhere. And I found junior college was this way for me. I just Found myself sitting in the back writing jokes and coming up with ideas.

[Brian Bishop]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's because I was bored and set aside. Set some time aside. And I just wonder. And I wouldn't want to do 10 years in the joint, but I wonder if six months in the joint, like what the Israelis do with the army. Come out of high school, you do two years. You know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

Bermuda does that too. But I don't know, really. There's only like 40 of them.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the strongest fighting forces. I mean, you heard that guy say, that guy fight. Fights like a Bermudian. Yep.

[Giovanni]

You don't want to. You don't even want to get near that, like, triangle around the island, because.

[Adam Carolla]

They will just shoot your ass down. But what would it do just to spend six months in the joint now not being violently raped in the shower? I just mean.

[Zach Johnson]

Although that might have good benefit.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you're right. You know what? You know what? You'd definitely be a learning curve there.

[Zach Johnson]

Open your heart to new experiences, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

And your asshole and your ass. Okay, I. I would like to go to the joint, be violently raped. And that's something to rap about, by the way.

[Zach Johnson]

I'll put you a theme song together.

[Adam Carolla]

Please.

[Zach Johnson]

On that topic.

[Adam Carolla]

Please.

[Giovanni]

I'm interested to hear in the kind of. Hear the kind of podcast you do after you're done with that experience. I hope it'll be a real period of our discussion.

[Adam Carolla]

My point of view would be change. And I bet I'd come out with not only an open mind, but an open behind and a novel.

[Zach Johnson]

Hastily constructed.

[Adam Carolla]

American Blood.

[Zach Johnson]

And you wouldn't read it, but you'd write it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, I would not read it, but I would write it. All right, let's give you guys a plug. I believe we're about out of time. Yes, we are. Zach. Great to see you again. Zach Johnson, Kings Kingdom of Loathing. Where do we go online to find.

[Giovanni]

Kingdomofloathing.Com and MC front a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Where do we go to find you?

[Zach Johnson]

Frontalot.com?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

Also tonight in San Diego at the Kasba.

[Zach Johnson]

Oh, yeah. I'm playing the Casbah tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

So, so easy. So nice. Nice to see you again, Zach. Nice to meet you. Bye. Are we doing that? Yeah, I'll just shake it.

[Zach Johnson]

It's nerdy here.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, guys. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla saying, well, I should thank my good friends over at Stick Cam for making this all possible. And what else? Tricaster. Thanks to new tech. And with that, I'll say from Comic Con. 0:10. Mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Cool Show 368 live from Comic con.

[Adam Carolla]

That does it for today's cool classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for another installment. Until then, pull it and get on.