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Mayra Amit
A Mochi moment from Mark, who writes.
Allison Rosen
I just want to thank you for making GLP1s affordable.
Mayra Amit
What would have been over $1,000 a month is just $99 a month with mochi. Money shouldn't be a barrier to healthy weight. Three months in and I have smaller jeans and a bigger wallet.
Adam Carolla
You're the best. Thanks, Mark.
Mayra Amit
I'm Mayra Amit, founder of Mochi Health. To find your mochi moment, visit joinmochi.com Mark is a Mochi member, compensated for his story.
Brian Bishop
Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruella Classics, available ad free exclusively through Podcast one. If you'd like to find the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, or exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com all right, let's get.
Adam Carolla
To the clips coming up.
Brian Bishop
First we have Adam Corolla show 1441 with Maria Menounos, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2014.
Adam Carolla
Good day, Allison Rosen.
Allison Rosen
Hello, Adam Carolla.
Adam Carolla
And bald Bryan. I've had too many experiments blow up in my mouth.
Brian Bishop
Omegamando wanted that with the hashtag topdrop.
Adam Carolla
Well, lots of stuff to get to today. Maria Menounez.
Allison Rosen
Sorry, Menounos.
Adam Carolla
Menounos. It's a little early, these early shows. Yeah, it's coming in. Speaking of screwing up names, I think I was saying George Clinton yesterday when I meant to say Bill Clinton.
Allison Rosen
I was wondering, I thought George's price.
Brian Bishop
Might have been a little lie.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I meant to say Bill Clinton when I was talking about coming and I realized, why do I do George and Bill? And then I realized, well, there's George Bush who was before or after or before and after the George Bush. And then there's George Washington. And those are the two things that get me to say George Clinton when I mean Bill Clinton, because my brain thinks President and George is the most presidential. There's no Bills. A couple Williams or something, but no one ever called themselves Bill. No, it's actually a weird, insanely confident thing to do to run for president as a Bill.
Allison Rosen
President Skip Clinton.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I never even thought about it. But if you're an Ed, you Gotta go with Edward. And if you're Bill, you gotta go with a William. You just can't. It's a weird thing. It's a kind of Smucker's argument. It's an old advertising campaign. They gotta be good with a name like Smuckers. But the point is, I never thought about it, but everybody fancies up their name and even adds a middle name or initial so it sounds presidential, so it sounds official, so it sounds authoritative. Bill. There's a guy running your country named Bill.
Brian Bishop
That was Bob Dole's undoing. Should have been Robert Dole.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Brian Bishop
President Dole.
Adam Carolla
That's right. So anyway, that's where I get my Bill Clinton. George Clinton thing screwed up. But I meant Bill Clinton. Yeah, George Clinton. Probably get him over to your party for. I'd like to know what everyone's price is. I bet you could get him there for 20 grand.
Brian Bishop
I don't think that'd be a. It would get him and P. Funk there.
Adam Carolla
Right. Speaking of Pfizer P. Funk, that guy's got some pit funk going on in such a big way. Especially, you know, actually when your hair goes down past your pits, then it just becomes the Funk Underground Railroad that carries the shit everywhere. But that guy's fucking hair goes and like gets caught under his pits. Remember there was like that joke when you were a kid where it's like, geez, why do your thumbs smell, Mr. Farmer? And then the guy would like tuck his thumbs under his pits and cross his arms and go, I don't know, whatever. But George Clinton's hair is pretty funky. But it spends a lot of time in his armpits, if you really think about it. If George.
Mayra Amit
Right.
Allison Rosen
So you're smelling his pits in his hair.
Adam Carolla
Yes. If he reclines, his hair is going into his pits. And then we got a serious. We have a modality of stink transportation to get from the pit to the scalp.
Brian Bishop
A feedback loop of pit scalp.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Whereas you. You're perfect, right?
Brian Bishop
I'm good. I smell clean and.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Brian Bishop
Neutral.
Allison Rosen
Do you remember that feeling of. And you might not, but being in school and smelling the hair of the person in front of you. And if it happened to be some crazy stoner person, it never really smelled good.
Adam Carolla
Well, they had that shampoo for a while in the 70s. Gee, your hair smells like George Clinton.
Brian Bishop
Short lived for.
Adam Carolla
Short lived. So they swapped that out for terrific. But those bottles, if you can find them, are worth a lot on ebay.
Allison Rosen
Is that true?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, they swapped it out with terrific. Somebody Said, you know, we're not mo any product here, and no one knows who George Clinton is. Larry, you're fired from this ad agency, by the way. So let's just swap that out with Terrific.
Brian Bishop
Poor Larry.
Adam Carolla
And then Larry was, last words he was heard was saying, but what songs does Terrific say? And someone yelled, you don't get it at all.
Brian Bishop
It's the last thing he was ever heard saying in that company.
Allison Rosen
I meant, is it true that they go for a lot on ebay? But I was a little bit delayed. Okay, now I'm with you.
Adam Carolla
So we. I don't know exactly how it worked, but I had these old Mr. Burcham tapes. People ask me all the time, how did you get started in radio? I said, well, I trained Jimmy to box. But then they Forgot about the Mr. Mr. Burcham, who is the character that Jimmy told me to come up with. And he didn't tell me to come up with Mr. Burcham. He just told me, come up with a character and call into the Kevin and Bean show on KROC in Los Angeles, where he was Jimmy the sports guy. And then if you called in as this character, then maybe you could get on the show as some sort of reoccurring whatever. It's sort of like Prisoner David. He would call in. Wow.
Brian Bishop
Blash.
Adam Carolla
In the past. Yeah. A guy called in from maximum security prison, but he called in and he showed up sort of prepared. Yeah, yeah. And he would sing songs and make little ditties and have little things, and.
Brian Bishop
He'D have other prisoners there to talk to.
Adam Carolla
Right. And so he called in, this is to the radio show, and his first appearance was entertaining. So then when he called in a week later, we sort of went, oh, it's that guy. You know, Let him call in again. Now, by the time he got to his fifth or sixth one, he'd have a stinker every once in a while. But his first few were good enough so that when we saw he was on the line, we talked to him, and he didn't put three stinkers in a row together. This is sort of what I try to preach to people. You can have a bad outing. Pat Sajak can probably have an off night on Wheel of Fortune.
Brian Bishop
We're all thinking the same thing.
Adam Carolla
I know, because he's 2 million shows in, he could probably show up drunk and really be completely out of hand. And I still think he'd get. He'd keep his gig. But if he tried it during the first week, I don't think it would go Over. Or if Vanna just willy nilly spent, spelt out the N word, just willy nilly. You just picked all the wrong letters and just spelled it out. On her own, she probably couldn't get away with that, you know, week one, no. But now she's grandfather, she probably does it anyway. So I always said, you know, you gotta kinda show up your first whatever. Now we had all these. So Jimmy said to me, come up with a character. And I said, I don't do characters. And he said, well, tough shit, you better come up with one. And then I realized that if I was going to do a reoccurring character, I sort of had to do something. Some topic that I knew otherwise it was gonna get really old really fast. Like I was like. I was honestly doing like, oh, the gay florist and the nerdy librarian, you know. But it was like, those are characters from like snl, but they're not. I couldn't. How am I gonna sustain that character? So I came up with the woodshop. Mr. Burcham, the woodshop teacher, because I knew the woodshop teacher well. I knew the. I knew the subject well and I knew this would carry through.
Brian Bishop
Mr. Bertram, the boxing instructor, fell by the wayside. Yeah, Mr. Bertram, the car enthusiast, fell by the wayside.
Adam Carolla
I never. It was weird because Kevin Bean really didn't even know who I was at the beginning. And that's kind of the way Jimmy wanted it. And all I did was call in. But I would call in and I started getting. And every. Everything, everything started off with an elaborate injury and then it would spin off into something they wanted me to do at school. Some school related. I taught at Louis Pasteur Middle School in Monrovia, California. And I taught. I taught remedial wood, as I remember.
Brian Bishop
To get into basic wood, you had to pass from.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And I hated. I hated all the kids. And so I had these old cassettes. They used to give them to me at the radio station. After I did it, they'd give me literally a cassette. And I don't know what, I thought, maybe I was gonna use them to get a job or something one day. And I guess Giovanni got hold of this box of cassettes that I had like in a shoebox, dated from 1994. And these were my phone ins to Kevin and Bean. And he got them, he digitized them, he gave them to Gary. And I thought we could play you. We'll play him periodically, but I'll give you a shot. I think this is probably me calling. This is me calling. In me not getting paid. At a certain point, I moved into the studio, and we did ask Mr. Burcham. I did sort of home improvement stuff in real time, but this was calling in from my house with my three roommates in La Canada and calling in, oh, it's October. Okay, so I can do some backdating here. This is October 4, 1994. Jesus Christ.
Brian Bishop
Was this the first time you called in? Do you have any idea? Or was it one of the first.
Adam Carolla
It was close. Let's see. We'll try to figure this out. I. So this is right on 20 years ago. We're coming right to 20 years ago anniversary here, right? October 4th, right?
Brian Bishop
We just passed it.
Adam Carolla
Did we just pass it?
Brian Bishop
It's October 27th.
Adam Carolla
Oh, did I screw up? Where the hell am I? Oh, I was back in September. All right. Anyway, so right about a year, or just a little past a year.
Brian Bishop
Happy anniversary and show biz.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Well, as the great Molly Ringwald's dad told me, here today, gone tomorrow. Thank you.
Brian Bishop
Solid.
Adam Carolla
That was 20 years ago. So I called in. The chronology was this. My 30th birthday was coming up. May 27, 1994. The earthquake hit out here. I don't know, February 1994. I had bottomed out toward the end of February 1994, when I was knocking on the door of my 30th birthday. I had quit the Acme improv troupe because I was sort of going nowhere. I was basically back to doing open mic nights, doing stand up, which wasn't going anywhere. My girlfriend had moved in with me because her house was condemned. Her apartment was condemned in Sherman Oaks because of the earthquake. Her car blew a head gasket. Her mom was slated to come in from Minnesota and had to stay with us in our house. And I had basically contracted scurvy. I was night sweats every night. I had, like, lesions on my tongue, and I was an absolute mess. And I had no insurance of any kind. So I know I was just going to ride out the storm, so to speak. I couldn't go to a doctor.
Allison Rosen
What did you actually have, do you know?
Adam Carolla
Drew thinks it was herpes, but I never. But I never had herpes after that. But it's what. It's kind of what you would get if you got herpes. You would get these sweats and these lesions and all this kind of stuff. But then I never had herpes, so I don't. But then again, you know, you fart and he says herpes. You cough, he says herpes, you yell, bingo. And he yells herpes. He's huge at church. He thinks everything is herpes because he just wants you to have herpes. Herpes and. Or warts.
Allison Rosen
Or warts and herpes to make him feel better, right?
Adam Carolla
Yes. And I don't know, there was something going on at the time where people were getting.
Mayra Amit
Shopify's point of sale system helps you sell at every stage of your business. Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person?
Adam Carolla
We've got you covered. How about card readers you can rely on anywhere you sell?
Mayra Amit
Thanks.
Allison Rosen
Have a good one.
Adam Carolla
Yep, that too. Want one place to manage all your online and in person sales? That's kind of our thing. Wherever you sell. Businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 a month trial@shopify.com. listen. Shopify.com Listen. Sick. And they thought the earthquake had unleashed something.
Allison Rosen
Did you have lesions on your hands or just mouth?
Adam Carolla
I had my tongue, my mouth. I was sweating every night. I was sweating through my sheets and comforter, and I was just fucked up.
Brian Bishop
Did you have chickenpox?
Adam Carolla
I could have had something like that. Literally. I didn't have a doctor. And not only did I not have a doctor, but I used to go throw myself on the mercy of County, USC if I had something. But I was also 29, taught boxing, worked construction, and came from a place where everyone was like, oh, rub some dirt on it. You're fucking fine. And so everything was just kind of. I was exceedingly healthy, so everything for me was just ride out the storm. Just ride it out. Whatever these are, whatever this fever is, whatever it's gonna. It'll pass. Your fever, your lesions, whatever you got, it's gonna take a week, but it's gonna go away. And if you took some pills, it might go away in two days or three days, but if you took nothing, it'd go away in a week. And that was the plan. How long can the fever last? So I was. My plan was just ride it out. And ride it out I did. Except for when my girlfriend's mom moved in and saw me, she started screaming at her daughter about what a diseased mess I was. She just started in with me immediately, and I was in no mood. And her mom was supposed to stay with her, but her apartment was condemned, and it was like sort of out of a sad sitcom. Like, I was like, all right, let's just be friendly. She's gonna be here for a week. We had three dudes living at the house and her. So we're like, we'll Put her up on the sofa.
Brian Bishop
Were there no hotels left standing?
Adam Carolla
The problem with white trash? And. Or just. It's like the same. That's the same thing the Corollas would have done, which is she was coming in town, she booked this trip. You know, she would have canceled her flight. She would have lost $28 or $100. So that's not. You know, and the fact that she was staying with her daughter meant that, you know, paying 40 bucks a night for a hotel was sort of out of the question. So she was poor, she was white trash, she was from Minnesota, and she was staying with her daughter. And now her daughter's apartment was condemned, and her daughter was staying with her boyfriend. So thus she was staying with her boyfriend at the house. But the argument. The argument started at the door when I opened it for her and never. Never ended. And I was. I wouldn't call myself aggressive, but I was just in no fucking mood. I was in no mood to get yelled at by this woman who wasn't supposed to be at my house. My girlfriend had. Her job had been condemned. Her apartment had been. She had no money. She had no. Her car blew a head gasket. My job was condemned temporarily. So all we could all do is sit in this one house with no money in one vehicle, which was an old Isuzu Trooper, which is mine. That worked, and nothing else worked. And we just sat there with no money and no insurance. And I had completely. I basically bottomed out. Like, I was like, my fucking birthday's coming up. I'm turning 30. I've gotten nowhere, and this is a mess. And I met Jimmy a few weeks before my birthday, end of May. So I must have started doing this just before or right around my 30th birthday in May of 1994. So if this is October 1994, you.
Brian Bishop
Got a few good ones under your belt.
Adam Carolla
Got a couple, but we're just. But I'm still at home. I'm still doing it for free, and I'm still phoning in. So this is me. That'll. It'll be Kevin and Bean, You. You hear in the background. And I think it'll be me calling in about working at the school with the homecoming float. He's been renewed. Ladies and gentlemen, our favorite shop teacher, Mr. Burcham. Hey, Mr. B. Well, your attitude has certainly improved with.
Brian Bishop
The coming of the new fall season, I see.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'm a new man. I can tell what's going on. Oh, Christ, guys, I hurt. Now, what happened today? Well, it wasn't today. It was yesterday. It was after school. I was downtown working on a skyscraper under construction. You know, I got after school job inspecting weld joints. Right. Anyway, I'm up there on the 39th floor using the porta potty. Now why. Why wouldn't you go down to the ground if you've got to do it? Well, Christ, I'm using the can four or five times an hour. I can't be going up and down all day. Wow, sounds like you need some medical help for that. Well, I. I had a carne asada and a blanket and a 40 ounce or a Clamato for lunch. That'll do it. I think that kind of kicked things off. But anyway, I must have been in there a short hour when the universal coupler broke on the Crane and a 12 ton I beam swung down and swatted me like a polo mallet. Lit like a toboggan for about 300ft until I hit the elevator shaft. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's where I began my free fall. It's like that movie Terminal Velocity. Except for instead of grabbing astonish Yakinski I was grabbing a carton of seat liners. Telling you it was zero gravity in that potty. Yeah, it was like some kind of bad NASA experiment. Let's see how long a man can survive floating in a slick of his own pattern. All right, I don't think we need those kind of details. Stuck to the roof there. Orbiting my own Milky Way when a piece of ven hose caught a girder on the third floor and slowed me down enough to escape with just a staff infection. You're very lucky. Listen though, fellas, I got a quick message for the doctor who said I was lucky. Okay, Listen pal, winning super bowl tickets is lucky. Porking one of the Hee Haw twins is lucky. Getting rolled in crap and drop down the elevator shaft, it's not lucky. I suppose I should be thankful I wasn't sodomized by one of the paramedics. Wow, that's not. You're kidding. No. Wow. Why did you call? Well, Friday I got a note in my school mailbox from the pta. Asked me to build the cheerleaders float for this year's homecoming. But forbidding me to drive it because of a minor accident I had while skippering the float last year. That sounds ugly. Yeah, well, I mean, it wasn't my fault. Vice principal's fat ass was blocking the viewing port and I ran over the visiting teens mascot. It was an honest mistake that had nothing to do. Hold on. My Wife's yelling. They did not find a ponytag in the passenger seat. It was a 12 pack, and three of them weren't even open. Wow. Sounds like you got real trouble anyway. Everyone's down on you, Mr. Bertram. I don't know what it is. What? I said everyone seems to be down on you today. Today. I wish it was only today. Yeah. Anyway, I got a message for the pta. All right. I'd rather go camping with Jim Neighbors and build you afloat. I got an idea. Why don't you stuff those fat cheerleaders into a rusting shopping cart, and I'll have the slow kid for my second period, push him around the track. Go to hell in the basket. All right, guys, I gotta take my medication. All right, Mr. Richard, good to hear from you. Yeah, take it easy. That was it. I used to do it, I think from the. I think I'd be in the bathroom or the kitchen of that house with no air and no heat, no anything, and just screaming into the. Into the phone.
Brian Bishop
So you eventually moved in the studio and you did a call segment.
Adam Carolla
I eventually moved into the studio and we would do ask Mr. Burcham when they figured out I could do sort of on the fly, home improvement stuff. But I'd have to work in some jokes. I'd have to roast the person a little bit. And then I would tell them how to fix their hardwood floor or whatever it is. And then at a certain point I said I should get paid. And they said, 50 bucks a bit. I said, fine, it's a deal. It's a deal. And I remember my short sighted goofball buddy Ray saying, 50 bucks, that's nothing. You could get more. Get more. And I had this sort of presence of mind to yell at Ray at least, because that's poor person thinking. I was like, yes, I could march into program director or general manager Tripp Reeb's office and I could. I could probably get him up to 75. But after protracted negotiations, yes, but then what's the difference between 50 and 75 bucks a bit? If you really think about it, I'm doing two bits a week. Why bother with that? I said to Ray, look, I should be paying them because I get to be on their radio station and then somebody else will hear this and it'll turn into something, and then I'll make tons of money, and who'll give a shit about the 50 versus the 75?
Allison Rosen
That's why you make Brian and me pay you to be on this show, right?
Adam Carolla
That's why, that's right.
Brian Bishop
Thank you for letting us.
Adam Carolla
Such a good investment.
Brian Bishop
Thank you again for letting us pay you.
Adam Carolla
Yes, you parlay it into a small fortune.
Allison Rosen
Oh, sorry.
Adam Carolla
Go ahead, go ahead.
Allison Rosen
What percentage of listeners do you think realized that this was a character versus an actual shop teacher?
Adam Carolla
Well, the problem was. Or not the problem, the thing that made it easy interesting is I would go into the studio and some woman would call in around Christmas time and say, you know, and I'd do my whole Mr. Burcham spiel and, you know, it was insane and it was crazy, and it was all for a bunch of jokes and all that. And then somebody would call in. Some lady would call in and she'd say, I'm thinking about getting my husband. My husband's a woodworker, and I'm thinking about getting him a new fence for his contractor saw. And the guy at the woodworking shop recommended a brand of fence, and I can't. I think it was called a Bess Biesemeyer. Oh. And she'd go, oh, yeah, it's a Biesemeyer fence. And then everyone would look at me like, how do you know what a Biesemeyer fence is if you're doing a character who's supposed to know about woodworking? Because that character wouldn't know what the Biesemeyer fence was. And then people would call in and I'd be talking them through, you know, double top plates and king studs and trimmers and headers and king studs. And, you know, I'd be explaining, you know, openings and spans and header stock and, you know, bonderized sheet metal and shit like that. And everyone would know it was in real time because the person would be asking the question. And so then people were confused because they were like, well, we assume this is a character. On the other hand, the guy seems to know everything about the topic. So they all thought I did teach Woodshot. But I was also just sort of a jack off comedian or something. I couldn't. No one ever knew, which was kind of the fun part about it, because they were always completely off balance as to who this guy was or where he came from or how he knew what a Biesemeyer fence was.
Brian Bishop
Another good reason to base your character around stuff, you know, because you can improvise that much more. You're not thinking about something funny to say. You're just literally just regurgitating information, you.
Adam Carolla
Know, Would have been impossible if I was the computer nerd, because I would have. I would have known nothing about that.
Brian Bishop
A shockingly high Number of people didn't know it was a character because as late as 2001, 2002, when I was screening calls at KROC for the shift after it started 10, morning show ended at 10am next shift started at 10. I took over at 10. And people would call up me like.
Adam Carolla
That guy sounds a lot like Adam.
Brian Bishop
Carolla from Loveline or Ralph's black lady character. They were like, who is that lady? Like a shocking number of people go along with, you know, with the premise.
Adam Carolla
Well, when I met Jimmy, he was Jimmy the sports guy who was calling in from his house and his mom was always riding him. And I, as a guy who did comedy, when I walked into the station, saw Jimmy sitting there behind the typewriter. I mean, old time computer with the tractor feed printer, dot matrix printer. Back when you needed a special desk for your computer, I mean, you had.
Brian Bishop
A separate one for the printer.
Adam Carolla
Had like a slit in it and a hopper in the bottom of it and everything. But when I saw Jimmy just sitting over that thing just banging out his sports report, I was like, why aren't you at home with your mama? And I did improv comedy for a long time. I just took it at face value. It's Jimmy's sports guys calling in from home. His mom's, you know, I just.
Brian Bishop
So it's easy to do like groundlings, huh?
Adam Carolla
All right, a couple of questions over there. Let's see. Maria Menounos is out there. Ah, DraftKings. My listeners winning huge cash prizes@draftkings.com America's favorite one week fantasy football site. No season long commitment and you play whenever you want. Injured players, no problem. Every week is like a new season at DraftKings. Brian?
Brian Bishop
Yeah, the, the games are still going on. Monday night games still to be played. But my team yesterday was looking okay. They're kind of, you know, head above water, still in the mix. And the late night game came around. It was Green Bay at New Orleans and had Mark Ingram and Randall Cobb, both of whom had big games. So good pickups this week. Randall Cobb and Mark Ingram, you can.
Adam Carolla
Pick your team in minutes. You can win instant cash. You get free entry into the $100,000 contest this weekend. First place takes home 10 grand. DraftKings. Dawson, head to DraftKings.com now and enter code ADAM to play for free. DraftKings.com bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter code Adam for free entry now@draftkings.com that's draftkings.com all right, I got a couple quick questions. And we'll bring Maria in. Hey, tell Matt Fondelier he gave me pages 40 and 41. Let's see if I could get page 39. Boom. Thank you. I'll explain in a second. Let's see. First line one. Shannon 31, Florida. Hey, I had a question actually for all of you. Kind of weird. Have you ever had sex dreams about each other? Because I know Allison just had the DAG dream. Sorry to bring that up yet again, but you know, when you work with people every day, you kind of pop into your dreams. So, you know, you dreamed about Brian or anything? I have. To the best of my knowledge, I don't have dreams about this podcast at all. Which is a weird thing because it's a big part of my life, but maybe it's purged or something. I have dreams about things I dread same.
Brian Bishop
So this podcast, obviously I don't dread.
Adam Carolla
Having sex with either one of you.
Allison Rosen
Well, thank you.
Adam Carolla
Thanks. No, what I mean is, I'll have like when we're doing catch a contractor and we're out in fucking redlands and it's 103 degrees outside. Thank you, Matt. And I gotta be there at 8am that night. I'll be rolling around going, oh, I'm late, I'm late to the set. You know, I have sort of dread related dreams or sort of ice cream dreams. You know, like, oh, isn't this great? The other night I dreamt that I was going to prison for 34 years. I don't know what I oddly specific number. That's what I.
Allison Rosen
Well, dreams are like that.
Adam Carolla
But dreams, they gotta like good improv. It's good to be specific otherwise. Cause if the judge said, let's call it 20ish, I would have woken up. I got 34 years. And I remember going, goddamn, you're gonna be 84 when you get out of prison. And it was for robbing a bank. I was just sort of like hanging around with someone who robbed a bank.
Brian Bishop
Got off easy.
Adam Carolla
But I have dreams about things that I sort of like, oh God, oh no. Oh man. I don't wanna this. I enjoy the people I enjoy. So I seem to have my dreams set for I hope this doesn't happen. And so I don't have that with this. So thus, I guess I don't go to bed with a head full of podcast angst every night. Like, it's on my mind. It's on my mind. But I don't know how you guys work.
Brian Bishop
I had the same thing where I feel like once a week I'm having a bad dream about missing a flight or being late for a flight or not having boarding pass or something like. That's a weird things you dread. No offense, Allison, I have not had a sex dream about you or anyone under this roof. The closest to anyone under this roof has been Kaylin's dad.
Allison Rosen
And I have not had a sex dream about you guys. Although recently, I did have a dream that Adam and I were hanging out. And it was one dream, but in the dream, we got coffee together two nights in a row, and I was like, we are hanging out a lot. But this was after the coffee experiment. I think that's why it was coffee.
Adam Carolla
I'm sort of in charge, and I just. I just need to be blown.
Allison Rosen
No, I said it was not a sex dream.
Adam Carolla
When you're pitching jokes, you're not sucking dick. Boy, Daniel's got a couple sheriffs to deal with in town now.
Brian Bishop
Oh, no.
Adam Carolla
Salt and pepper.
Allison Rosen
Getting better.
Brian Bishop
Speaking of which.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, we got another song.
Brian Bishop
We have a song.
Adam Carolla
Well, wait a second. I think we're gonna play it when Maria comes in. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, I know.
Brian Bishop
That's a tease.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, we got that. To tease. And speaking of. Oh, wait. All right. All right, so hold on. Shannon. Yes. Satisfied? Oh. Have you had any sex dreams about anybody on this show? Yeah.
Allison Rosen
Tell us more.
Mayra Amit
I don't know.
Adam Carolla
I feel like I listened to Adam so much that he, like, all start sentences like, well, Adam said, and then. Yeah, there's been.
Mayra Amit
There's been dreams.
Adam Carolla
I mean, nothing like, once you go.
Brian Bishop
Bald, you never go back.
Adam Carolla
Outlandish. Yeah.
Allison Rosen
Are you talking about you or me?
Adam Carolla
Sorry. Brian and Allison.
Brian Bishop
God damn it.
Adam Carolla
But I'll work on it. I'll work on it. Thanks, Shannon. Okay. All right, now, Gary, I need the porcelain punisher to bring me in. Page 38. I screwed up again. All right, one last one, then we'll bring Maria in. Talk to Zoltan. 35, Oregon. Hey, everybody. How you doing? Good. I wanted to call because I wanted to suggest, and I'm not doing this. To be a dick, that possibly the poster for Close Quarters isn't quite as good as everybody keeps saying it is. Well, tell me how we can improve it, because we got a lot of alt pictures of everybody. Okay, well, I mean it. To me, it looks very obvious that it's three different photos. The photo of. It's David, Wild son. Right? Yeah. Well, do you do. What do you do for a living? Well, I'm a letter carrier, so I don't know anything about Photoshop, but I know what I like. I'm looking at it now. It doesn't bother me and everything bothers me. But even if it is slapped together, I almost accept that as part of the. Bryan Cranston would not show up that day.
Brian Bishop
Zoltan, I think is right. It does look like they're all separate photos, but I think that's right for what this is. These posters you see on bus stops or whatever, they look very. These people are not in the same place. These are photos that are.
Adam Carolla
Even if they are in the same place, they still have a plasticky sort of unreal look to them. Perhaps perfectly done, which is what we're going for. But anyway, keep going, Zoltan. No, I mean, my suggestion would be possibly to have them like, Bryan Cranston's face is way bigger than the rest of them, which I know you're going for. He's the star of said program. But maybe make it a little bit more like they're at least in the same vicinity. Shrink his head so that they're all the same size. It's just a suggestion. All right, so here's the. We're looking at Mulaney. If that's how it spiraled. It is. Yeah. And everyone does look like they took pictures on different days in different places. Yes, that's the plan. And Elliott Gould looked like he was in a different. He looks like he was in a different continent. Always. Picture was taken always. Now, I would argue that Mulaney doesn't look any more separate or looks more separate than close quarters. No, I don't think it is. But here's the other thing, Zoltan. The reason Bryan Cranston is big and low is if you look at the scene where the poster is behind the guy's head, at a certain point, there's a medium shot and it only goes halfway up the poster. So we want to see Brian's head. I positioned him down low into one side so that when we're seeing the post, when we're seeing the casting director, you see his head behind him. So there's a reason why he's low, big and sort of off to one side. That was. That was planned for the actual scene. For the actual scene. Thank you.
Brian Bishop
And Zoltan, you're correct. But when you see these types of posters, again, the star, the Bryan Cranston of the show, whoever that is, Tim Allen or whoever, is always bigger. They always are putting that guy out front. So even though you're correct, I think this Is right.
Adam Carolla
And to be fair, I have not seen the Mulaney poster, so I don't know how bad. Well, go look at it. Well, it's not. It's not. Here's the thing. When you're doing these kinds of comedies, I think the plan is to find whatever the norm is, not what looks the best or the most realistic, but whatever the industry standard is. What the standard is to the billboards and the bus stop posters and the things you pass and then ratchet it up 15 or 20% in the comedy department. Don't try to go 250%. You'll land on your face. Just take what is and ratchet it up. Close Quarters is not really an outlandish name. A family that lives in a submarine is pushing it, but I swear to God, someone's going to do it. There's been stupider ideas than that.
Brian Bishop
Oh, it's been pitched.
Adam Carolla
I'm sure it's been pitched. And if you want, I can show you guys the original poster which was driving me insane, which was on the wall, which I brought into the studio, and we'll put it up@adamcarolla.com can we.
Brian Bishop
See it and try and predict what he hated about it?
Adam Carolla
Well, it's sitting on the wall now. The reason I have the script in front of me. And we'll take a picture of it and Gary will put it up. But Gary can. Well, let's see. Bring it over here, Gary, so the guys can get a little better. Look, do you, Gary, I feel you've missed your life calling and that is that of an easel. And I feel like A, you wouldn't fuck that up and B, that's just something that your kids could be proud of one day. Now, I said to the French lady who was doing the set stuff and the props and that kind of stuff in the script, here's what it says, baby doll, my agent says, I got a show. I got a big show for you. It's going to get you into syndication. It's going to get you off the road forever. And I say, what's the name of the show? And he says, close Quarters. And I say, that piece of shit about a family that lives in a submarine? And he says, that hit piece of shit about a family that lives in a submarine. And I say, is it four cam, single cam? And he says, four cam single cam, who gives a shit? I told him you were offer only. But the point is it's a ABC show or something about it. So when the person so all the art director knew was that it was a big corny Friday night ABC sitcom about a family that lived in a submarine. And the next thing they knew is that during the audition scene I was going to have a hot sort of sexually innuendoed, laced conversation with Mrs. Waterman who says to call her Marina when I call her Mrs. Waterman, who's talking about being hot in this submarine. And her blouse, button on her blouse is begging for mercy and blah, blah, blah. A lot of sexual innuendo. So the poster they come up with is that of a 70 year old librarian who is dressed from the turn of the century.
Allison Rosen
A little house.
Brian Bishop
Yeah. So it's like a grandma or housekeeper.
Adam Carolla
And nine computer programming dudes, all hipsters.
Allison Rosen
One of them is Jared Leto.
Adam Carolla
Right. But does this resemble a family that lives in a submarine? In a sitcom?
Allison Rosen
This is like an office.
Adam Carolla
Comedy.
Brian Bishop
Yeah, that's an office comedy.
Adam Carolla
Right. So those are all hipsters when it says in the script.
Allison Rosen
And EMT is in there too.
Adam Carolla
It's a family that lives in a. It's a shitty sitcom about a family that lives in a submarine. You then have to go online and you have to just type in sitcom posters and you'll see the Goldbergs or you'll see According to Jim, or you'll see every single sitcom from the past 20 years. And you'll see a blonde that's a little too young and a little too good looking for the husband. You'll see a couple of kids and then like a teenager who's kind of pissed off. It's usually how it works. And they're all sitting there with shit eating grins on their face. This is a poster of a bunch of weird dudes with bizarre facial hair. The mom who's supposed to be the hot mom who I'm coming on to could not be less sexual.
Brian Bishop
She's dressed as Emily Dickinson for Halloween.
Allison Rosen
Yes.
Adam Carolla
So I then have the conversation I have with everybody, which is what is this? And they go, it's your poster for your movie or your TV show. And I go, but it's a, it's a sitcom about a family that lives in a submarine and like it looks.
Brian Bishop
Like an adult swim, like late night for stoners show.
Adam Carolla
Could it be further away from.
Allison Rosen
No.
Adam Carolla
The only thing ABC sitcom, Friday night, Bad stupid sitcom.
Allison Rosen
No.
Adam Carolla
Or its title or its premise.
Allison Rosen
There's a fish on it. That's the only thing that hit it.
Brian Bishop
The only thing that kind of got right was the little kid with the, with the, with the slingshot. That's that's in the corner. You have to, like, look five times.
Adam Carolla
Before you see him, right? And then there's rest. It's just crazy men.
Brian Bishop
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Allison Rosen
It's like workaholics or something.
Adam Carolla
I didn't know what it was, but again, they're concubine. The whole. The whole. The. The whole verbiage on the whole thing is I. I come in and I go, you know, hey, Mrs. Peterson, you know, after working 35 years on wall Street, I never thought I'd be doing maintenance on a mothball D submarine in Long Beach. And she says, all the talk in the world's not gonna fix that leaky torpedo hatch. And I say, are you telling me my fly's open? And then she says, no, we actually have a leaky torpedo hatch. And then at some point, I say, sure is human in this submarine. Is it just me? And she says that actually she's kind of undoing her blouse. And I say, Speaking of torpedoes, Mrs. Peterson, that button on your blouse is begging for mercy. That's what they had to go off of. That's Mrs. Peterson. It's.
Allison Rosen
It's like a character Rachel Dratch would play, and she's young.
Adam Carolla
Frump it up, Rachel. So that was the poster that sat behind the guy in the course of the movie, and it was driving me insane.
Brian Bishop
Yeah, you can't do that.
Adam Carolla
Can't do that, right? But what I want to say to everybody is, what are we basing this on? Like, you know what everyone's number one answer is? Well, I didn't know. And I always go, two things. Why didn't you ask? But number three, with the Internet, Is there any excuses anymore with the Internet? Like when somebody says, look, I'm not from here, or I don't watch sitcoms, or I'm not aware of, or I just don't follow, or I don't know. That's perfectly fine. Google Image, search. Sitcoms. Family sitcoms. Boom. 40 posters. Yep. Right?
Brian Bishop
Yeah. This is all wrong.
Adam Carolla
Okay.
Allison Rosen
For this to be a family. They had seven boys, all of about the same age.
Brian Bishop
Yeah, that's weird. That's what I'm saying.
Allison Rosen
I really do think that's Jared Leto in there.
Adam Carolla
It could be.
Allison Rosen
I think these are.
Adam Carolla
We'll put it on. I like the woman, by the way, and she did a great job and many other things. I just. It's. This thing bugged the shit out of me, and it was always like. It would drive me nuts. By the way, the whole day, this is all I was talking about. And everyone's like, let it go. And I'm always like, but why?
Brian Bishop
Who's saying let it go?
Adam Carolla
Everyone. Why? Why? Where did it come from? It's just out there. It's my same feeling with spellings of names. I don't know how someone's last name is spelled. If somebody said you're going to make out invites and you need Maria Menounos name on there, I would fucking look her name up three times. Because I would just never send it to the calligrapher before. I wouldn't assume, I just would never. I would never know. I would just go the Internet and check it. Right?
Allison Rosen
Yes.
Adam Carolla
Anyway, we'll put this up and we'll put it up next to what I swapped it out with and I think you'll get the idea. But this is more than bad. It's confusing, right?
Allison Rosen
Yes.
Brian Bishop
Yes.
Adam Carolla
Okay.
Brian Bishop
I was thinking it was almost. Hear me out. It's almost too good in that this is something that would hang in like an art department, but not right at all for what you were going for.
Adam Carolla
Not about the shitty ABC sitcom about the family that lived in the submarine. And when a Baby Doll Goes, that hit piece of shit sitcom about the family that lives in submarine. That is not a no.
Allison Rosen
This looks like cool and sort of screwball. Maybe it's not in.
Brian Bishop
No Wes Anderson.
Allison Rosen
Yes, yes, exactly.
Adam Carolla
It also doesn't look like a family. It looks a whole bunch of dudes. All right, we'll put it up on the website and you can, you can check that out and we'll take a quick break. Maria Menounos is out there. Oh, we got the Dick Banks song to play as well right after this. And now Alcoa presents Definitely not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show. Dateline, Flagler County, Florida. During an argument, a 27 year old man attacked his brother with a machete and a frying pan. Definitely not a Jew. Maria Menounos here Untold with Maria Menounos. New episodes Thursdays at 8 o' clock on E. And also her YouTube channel show Afterbuzz TV. Great to see you again, Maria. Thanks.
Mayra Amit
How are you guys?
Adam Carolla
I'm good. And I, you know, I couldn't stop thinking last time we spoke about Tony Robbins, you go into a seminar.
Mayra Amit
Interesting.
Adam Carolla
And I really. My wife went to Maria's house and had a. And Kevin's house. You call it Maria and Kevin's house?
Mayra Amit
It's Maria and Kevin's house. Yes.
Adam Carolla
Okay. Whose name's it under?
Mayra Amit
I don't even know.
Adam Carolla
It's both of ours, it's under. But you guys aren't married.
Mayra Amit
Well, we're not married now, so it's probably.
Adam Carolla
But it's under both your names.
Mayra Amit
Yeah, it should be. Yeah. Oh, no, actually, no.
Adam Carolla
Just under your name.
Mayra Amit
No. You know why? No, it's all. No, Kevin only owns, like, a really old van, I think, and he has a very specific strategy.
Adam Carolla
This is going perfectly for me.
Mayra Amit
His strategy is that he wants to be worth nothing so he can be.
Adam Carolla
Free to leech off you.
Mayra Amit
No, he can be useful in a time of need, like a ransom situation. So basically, he can do whatever he wants and he won't get sued. So he can beat somebody up. He can do whatever he wants, and it's never going to hurt us. So, yeah, smart. Talk to him. He'll tell you. He's got a whole bizarre. Yeah, he's like, I can take the fall. So I'm like, okay, honey.
Adam Carolla
His plan is banging an underage chick, by the way, not beating up somebody stalking it, but either way. And we spoke candidly. Perfect. Probably was the Mangria talking. I love that he said that. It was candid. It was Kevin being very candid. And then he said, and if somebody stalks Maria. Yeah. You know, and she's underage, I could definitely handle that. That's an interesting way to go through life.
Mayra Amit
And so, wait, you were talking about Tony Robbins, though? Well, I took it to another place.
Adam Carolla
No, I was saying that. I was saying to Lynette, who went over to Maria and Kevin's house for a. I don't know what you call it.
Mayra Amit
It was a girl spa day.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it was kind of like Oprah's white lunch or whatever she calls it. Honky brunch.
Mayra Amit
I don't know. I haven't seen it, but.
Adam Carolla
Well, everyone gets a pearl. Diamond earrings and shit. Lamaya Angelou would sit next to, you know, Aretha Franklin, and they're just talk shop.
Mayra Amit
Okay.
Adam Carolla
It was one of those things.
Mayra Amit
I mean, I don't know. I'm not familiar with it, so I can't say it's the same because. I don't know.
Allison Rosen
But is it Oprah's white party?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I think it's her white party. Yeah. Everybody dresses in white and shows up, and she gives them all crazy gifts, and she gets luminaries who are all women, sort of mostly black, and they all sort of get together and sort of talk about their shared experiences. And it's weird, but it's kind of fun. But you have.
Allison Rosen
Speaking like you've gone, I did not.
Brian Bishop
Envision a scenario in which Adam Carolla knows more about Oprah's White Party than Maria Menu.
Mayra Amit
Oh, it's true.
Adam Carolla
That's hilarious. No, it's like, you know, Earth Echoes Kit. This is Gladys Knight. You guys would be sitting next to each other now. I don't know what they have to talk about, but they. They get presents. Get cool presents.
Mayra Amit
I didn't do presents, though.
Adam Carolla
But you did. You did a bunch of stations where you could get nails and hair and all that kind of stuff.
Mayra Amit
So I introduced everyone to all my favorite, like, people that I use. So it was like facials and laser and nails and all kinds of things. Yeah, and cryotherapy.
Adam Carolla
It's one of those things where you just go healers. First off. It's one of the things you would never do for yourself or even think to do. But it's inspiring. Like, I went like, boy, I would never think to do that. I mean, I, you know, come on over and have some beer and some pizza. That's about as far as I can get. Having the different stations. And by the way, bring the beer and the pizza.
Mayra Amit
Well, what I thought was I was gonna, like, take the whole court, and then I was like, it's gonna be nice out. So then I was eliminating the tents, and Kevin goes, I'm taking over this event.
Adam Carolla
We're doing it in the van.
Mayra Amit
So, no, I had a movie, but he was like, I'm gonna do mini tents for everybody. So the tents was his idea. And it was just. It was funny because there were people that are very, like, successful in their businesses. Like an Anastasia who does eyebrows. Right. So she actually came herself and was doing eyebrows for everybody and thanked me after. She goes, thank you. I met so many great people. And she's doing Oprah's eyebrows and JLo's eyebrows. She doesn't need any more business.
Allison Rosen
She's super famous in the brow world. No, truly, though, no, but she's amazing.
Mayra Amit
And people just had such a great time. So it made me happy because I like sharing information. I told them I would all laugh. I'm like, listen, none of you guys have read my book. Let's be honest. All these people are in the book. But I know you've never read the book, So I figured I'd put a fun event together. And it wasn't, like, sponsored or anything. I paid for everything myself. You know, no one paid to be there. It was just my favorite people.
Adam Carolla
Lynette said Maria Shriver was there. Yeah. Are you guys friends? Obviously. There's Some connection there, right?
Mayra Amit
Yeah, yeah. I love Marie. I think she's amazing. Such an amazing woman. I also am going to be their global ambassador for the Special Olympics because they're coming to LA next year. So I went to Greece for them a couple years ago for Special Olympics, and I actually found a picture of me back when I was 16 volunteering.
Adam Carolla
For them just for the Special Olympics. If I could. If there is one commercial that'll jerk a tear out of me in less than 40 seconds, it will be. Now. Granted, they always run those things at like 2am when you're buzzed and you're sitting in front of the tv, you're sort of sifting through the wreckage of your life. And then whenever the kid comes running down this 50 yard and he goes into the arms of basically his handler, for lack of a better term, well, their guy, their person, their coach, it's their person that walks them through the ran. Handler, whatever. But when they go down, I go into the. It's. It's a tearjerker. Every one of those. Every. Every time I see those Special Olympics commercials.
Mayra Amit
Well, see, now we got to get you involved because we got to get the word out for la. It's going to be huge.
Adam Carolla
Well, the Kennedys are. I'm sorry, the Kennedys are the. Aren't the Kennedys behind that?
Mayra Amit
Yeah, Eunice is the one who, who started it back in the day. I mean, it's amazing what they've done. And the event is so huge. It literally is the Olympics. Like, it's massive. Greece was huge three years ago and it just was such a big event and so beautiful. And we're gonna have it here in LA in our backyard. So I'm trying to recruit as many people who do shed tears when they see I do. So hopefully you guys will jump on board and help.
Adam Carolla
As much vitriol as I may have for those who are sort of lazy and able bodied and sort of choose to not really go out and contribute.
Mayra Amit
To society, I'm allergic to them too.
Adam Carolla
I have that much sympathy and empathy for those who really can't. And I think part of what bothers me about those who really can contribute but sort of choose not to is you are lumping yourself in with these people who truly do have a disability, whereas you have a sort of low grade depression mixed with parents that coddled you too much, mixed with a society that doesn't judge. Mm, that's you, baby.
Mayra Amit
You like to judge me.
Adam Carolla
The Judgment Olympics.
Mayra Amit
Wait, did you just attack me?
Adam Carolla
I'd like to Sit back.
Allison Rosen
I'm celebrating you to be someone who also judges.
Mayra Amit
You want me to judge?
Adam Carolla
I love judging.
Mayra Amit
I'm sure I judge. I'm sure. I mean, I can.
Adam Carolla
You got a motor in you, right?
Mayra Amit
I'm sure. I judge.
Adam Carolla
You got a crazy motor in you, and that's why. And that's good. And that's.
Mayra Amit
Yeah, you said that to me before.
Adam Carolla
That's what I love about you.
Brian Bishop
That's the ultimate compliment from Adam.
Mayra Amit
Thanks.
Adam Carolla
I love the motor. I love the work ethic.
Mayra Amit
I love working. It's fun. I am so allergic to lameness. Oh, my God. I can't.
Adam Carolla
This is what I wanted and I'm.
Mayra Amit
Dealing with it right now.
Adam Carolla
I'm like, what are you dealing with?
Mayra Amit
Are so lame. You do not want to work. I actually had someone tell me, like, I just need to go home and breathe for a little while and then I'll send this out. I'm like, breathe for what? We just had an amazing day. Barely. There was no sweating. There was no hard work involved. You have problems. Like, I am allergic to you.
Adam Carolla
Well, I'm glad. And you know, that's the micro version. There's a macro version, which is. We've decided that everyone needs their own space and they need, like, you could literally, you can walk in your boss's office in 2014 and just go, I'm not feeling it today. I need to go home and have some chill and me time and turn around and leave. And if the boss went, who the fuck cares whether you're feeling it or not? Get the fuck back to work. That male or female would be a fucking pariah. And I'm like, what's. I want to see you bleeding. Otherwise you ain't heading home. I don't get it.
Mayra Amit
I don't either. You don't understand how much this is hitting home right now in this very day.
Adam Carolla
But you know what? The best thing you could do for that person, the best thing you could do for that person is tell them you're fine. You'll get through it. Now get back to wherever you were doing. You'll blink your eyes, it'll be 5:30 and you'll be heading home. And you'll be glad you didn't head home at noon. Why don't we understand that on a larger global level, the coddling.
Mayra Amit
My mommy does everything for me. Oh, I don't even know how to use this. My mom does it for me. Coddle, coddle, coddle, coddle, coddle. We are raising a generation of bombs, huge bombs. And they think they're lighting the world on fire, Adam. They think they're amazing.
Adam Carolla
They're making change because every individual, every single one of them can change the world. Except for they're all fucking and doing nothing. I know. And all we do is feed them. A steady diet of every single one of you can change the world. It's insane. I completely agree. I have these conversations with my wife all the time about the kids. And it's like, I just want them to have a motor. I just want them to do something, Find something that sparks their interest, have them chase it. And she's like, college, college, college. And I'm like, I'd rather them get out of high school. I told, I said, I'd like them to be like, what they do in Israel. Get out of high school for a year, go into the military one year. And she's like, well, why the military? Just one year. One year of getting up at 6am, one year of learning how to, getting a weapon, learning how to clean it, learning how to take care of it. A regimen, you know what I mean? And you know, breakfast is at seven after you've just ran six miles. Just one year of that. That's, that's what I wish for them.
Mayra Amit
Whatever it is.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Mayra Amit
Whatever it is. I mean, it's like hearing people be like, I just have to focus on me. I'm like, you're 23, right? Oh my God. Like, are you kidding me? Go to work. My boyfriend broke up with me. Go to work. It's the best answer. People like, kevin's dad died. He went to work the next day. You have to work. That's what life is.
Adam Carolla
Hold on. Kevin's dad went to work after he died. Shit is a fucking work ethic. It's a bad.
Mayra Amit
But our generation, that's what we do. We go to a motor.
Adam Carolla
Dan, you're looking a little slow slumped over on that conveyor belt.
Allison Rosen
People don't know how to feel discomfort.
Adam Carolla
Someone didn't have a coffee. Yeah, I was, when I was say.
Mayra Amit
That out loud again.
Allison Rosen
People don't know how to feel discomfort.
Mayra Amit
They don't. They don't know how to handle it. They don't and they don't want it. So it's like, oh my God, this is not the right environment for me. I can't handle it. And then they jump and they run. You're like, no, you don't know how to handle discomfort and push through it.
Adam Carolla
When I was, I was talking to some like 26 year old hipster when we were filming this independent movie I'm working on, and he didn't work on art for me, but he was on the set kind of thing, and he was kind of wrangling the tools or something. And we're up against it. It's like 12 hour days, running out of daylight. Had to get a couple more setups. It always takes a long time to set up and get the shot and the lighting and everything. And someone yelled, cut. And I just sort of turned to him and I said, I need a router and I need a straight bit and I need like a hat. It's gotta have like a half inch chuck on it. Okay, here you go. And he just looked at me and he went, why are you talking to me that way? And I said, what? What way? And he said, you're being. Why are you using that tone? And I was like, I'm just in a hurry and I'm trying to get the. You're not supposed to talk to older guys that are running the show and go, hey, pops. Yeah, Change your tone.
Allison Rosen
In a work environment, you can't really ask that. You can ask that in a relationship. That's not really an appropriate place.
Adam Carolla
The point is, and I'm not saying.
Allison Rosen
Of your superior, right?
Adam Carolla
I'm not saying, hey, dickhead or peon. I'm just going, hey, let's go. You over there, you over there. Hey, go find me a router with a whatever. But he's like, why are you saying it that way? And I just thought, oh, my God, that's the product.
Mayra Amit
Yeah. And they think we're aliens. Like I told Kevin this morning, actually, I said, you know what, Kevin? I am okay with people thinking that I am an alien because I like to work. Because there are a lot of us out there that do like to work. And, you know, to me, they're the aliens. Like, you're the ones that aren't getting everything out of life, that are looking at everything through the wrong lens. Because it's good. Like, it's good to work. I don't understand. It's. It's.
Adam Carolla
But I think one of the things we're doing is we're making this corollary and association between work and money, which there is. But for those like Maria, who enjoy work, I can answer this for you. It's not about money. It's about the process. It's about being engaged. It's about getting the most out of the time you have on this planet. And the money comes when you're successful and your ideas come to fruition. But it's not like, I gotta get money. I gotta get money.
Mayra Amit
Never.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I gotta get money.
Mayra Amit
That's what this new generation's all about, too.
Adam Carolla
It's demonizing you, going, oh, well, I'm sorry. I'm not chasing the almighty dollar all over the place. I'm gonna do something that's more important in my life. And it's like, no, I'm working because it's satisfying, and I'm getting something out of it. By the way, I'm creating work for other people while working, but they doing.
Mayra Amit
Great things, too, for people. Like, it's not. But these. These young kids, you're right. That's what they're saying. And they demonize you. They villainize you. And it's like, wait a second. You're 23. You're complaining at 21 or 22 that you were working for minimum wage. You're complaining about that when you're working in art business, it is a privilege to work in this business. And you have to work like that. I have a friend who's an agent's assistant who got his law degree, passed the bar, got his law degree, is an assistant for two and a half years making minimum wage. And he leaves at 12:30 in the morning from the office. Sometimes 11 is a good day. And that's what he's been doing for two and a half years to get the chance. That's. That's what we're supposed to do. And then when you get there, it's like, you feel accomplished, like you got it. I don't understand. It's very frustrating.
Adam Carolla
I don't understand either. But I do understand what is going on or what the dynamic is, which is they don't want to feel the shame of lethargy. So instead, as I've said before, it used to be, you see, oh, there's Mr. Walters with the house on the hill, and he's driving a new Cadillac. And the guy would be walking with his son, and he'd go, you work real hard and you study real hard, and maybe one day you'll get a Cadillac like Mr. Walters. And now you see Mr. Walters and his Cadillac up on the hill, and you go, fuck that guy. Let's throw a rock through his window. Let's bust up that Cadillac. It's gonna make us feel better about smoking too much weed, not wanting to get out of bed. Yep, there's the way to make us. There's two ways you can make yourself feel better. One is get up and bust your Ass. Well, that's off the table. The other is, we'll turn Maria Menounos into some sort of shrew that never stops working, chasing dollars, and barking orders at people.
Allison Rosen
So what would be your advice, then, to young people who are working a job that, like, for you guys, you guys are doing what you want to do. So it's easy for you to feel like work fulfills you, but for these people who are in jobs that aren't what they want to do, but maybe, you know, they hope it could lead to what they want to do, like, how do they keep their passion for it?
Mayra Amit
Keep your eye on the prize. Work your balls off. Endear yourself to your boss. Be on their team. Be loyal to them. Want them to succeed, and they'll want you to succeed.
Brian Bishop
So kiss ass is what you're saying. Ass kisser.
Mayra Amit
No, Brian. Like, no work. Trust me, you want. You want. If you're working for Adam, you want Adam to win. And if you show Adam that you are 100% dedicated to making Adam win, Adam's gonna want you to win as well.
Adam Carolla
Do you do embroidery, by the way? Because I need that put into something that I can then mount and hang on the wall.
Mayra Amit
But it's true, because. And sometimes you'll find people that won't, and that just happens. But you know what? Anyone who comes and works for me, I want them to succeed just as much, and if not more. And I will give them so much reign to be able to do so much and learn so much. But, you know, whether you're working in corporate America or in the entertainment business, in the entertainment business, you have to understand, it's like it's a whole other beat, and you do have to work hard. And I was never afraid to work for free, and I still work for free a lot, and that's okay.
Adam Carolla
Well, a couple things.
Mayra Amit
Right now, I'm afraid to work for free. I had someone complain about working minimum wage for a major star and a major show. I'm like, are you kidding me? Did you go to, like, Yale or something?
Brian Bishop
No.
Mayra Amit
And even if you did, you have to pay your dues. That's your calling card for your next job. Guess who I worked for. I worked for Oprah. Well, hey, guess what? I want to hire you now because you have worked for a really successful show.
Adam Carolla
I wonder if they did that white party. I need to find that out. Gary. I need to find out what that white party. She gave away diamond earrings. She did. That's all Dave Damosichek. That's your Dave Dameshek.
Mayra Amit
Next time Lynette comes over, she's getting diamond earrings.
Adam Carolla
Yes. That's what goes on at the white part. Okay. I would say, because. Yes. What do you do if you're working a job that you don't want to work? Which was. More than half of my life, I worked on shitty jobs. Now, do you have the description of it? The white ball? Yes. All right. We'll figure it out in a second. But I was thinking about this the other day. Here is the key to success, because how many people are working a job? Couple of things. You're never working your end all be all job. Even if you think Maria Menounos is working her job, or you think I'm working my job in my mind, oh, no, this is not, oh, I want to do. There's other things I want to do. So you never. And that's why Maria's successful. You never land and go, well, this is it. It's not it. So whatever you think Richard Branson is doing in his mind, this ain't. He's not doing his job. He's got many more things to do. That's what makes him him. That's what. That's what makes Elon Musk. Elon Musk. That's what makes Oprah. Oprah. They're not going, well, now I've arrived, and now I'm just, oh, they get up every morning scared and hungry and go, I gotta keep. I gotta. Well, Oprah's not hungry, but I gotta go do. I got to her and Gail had a pretty big dinner. All I'm saying is I gotta get out there and do something. So the notion that you look at anybody who you've deemed as successful and sort of went, well, they're getting up every day doing what they want to do. That is true, partially, but they're not getting up every day going, I've arrived at my place, so they're as sort of motivated or should be as anyone else. I have a simple solution for this, which I learned when I was a carpenter. I realized that it's really not the job, it's you. And you should have worked one modality, which is doing it right, working hard, doing it to the best of your ability. So it's sort of like it'd be like if you were single, and you're like, well, this chick's a four, so I'm not really gonna try sexually. And then this chick's a model, so I'm gonna give it my all. You should give it your all. Every time. And you may not feel like it with the drunken fours in the world, but give it your all every time.
Brian Bishop
Practice like you play.
Adam Carolla
Practice like you play. And I had this realization when I was a carpenter and I was doing it for so many years, and I was like, this sucks. It sucks. It sucks. I want to do comedy. I don't want to do this. But yet I found myself doing it 40 or 50 hours a week. And I realized years were going by. Here's what I was doing for 50 hours a week, but I was kind of half assing it. You know, I was a good carpenter, but I didn't have my tools in order. I didn't have my stuff laid out right. There's sort of a part of it that involves organization and kind of getting your shit together and having your extension cords rolled up and wrapped up neatly and done correctly and having things where they need to be so that you can be efficient about it, and so on and so forth. And I was like, I'll tell you what, as long as I'm doing this for the foreseeable future, I'm gonna do it the best I can do it. I'm gonna be efficient, effective. I'm gonna show the world that I'm one hell of an organized carpenter. And I actually got a lot happier doing the job that I really said I didn't want to do, because I actually got a lot of satisfaction out of doing it efficiently and doing it well. Half of it. Half of whether you like your job is how you do your job. We think of. It's the job. Oh, if I only. If I only worked at the ice cream factory, I'd be happy. Like, not if you're doing your job in a shitty fashion. Or you could work at the. At the fake dookie factory. The novelty dookie factory.
Allison Rosen
Shits and giggles.
Adam Carolla
Shits and giggles. And you could be happy working there if you worked out a system where you were being efficient and you were impressing people around you, and so on, so on and so forth. So. So my feeling is, first thing you do is don't take that job. If you want to be an actor and you're a waiter, don't go. Well, this is just a temporary thing. I'm not really going to be doing this that long. Or you want to be a manager, but you're an assistant, well, this is just a temp gig. I'm not really. Don't mail it in. Approach everything the exact same way. Do it the same vigor. By the way, people around you will Notice.
Mayra Amit
Yes.
Adam Carolla
If you do that. But you will just get used to doing a job correctly. Yep.
Mayra Amit
Yep. And that's 100%.
Adam Carolla
And you'll have a lot of satisfaction from it.
Brian Bishop
Absolutely. And that's how most people get moved up anyway.
Adam Carolla
In.
Brian Bishop
In the world, corporate or not, is do excellent. This one thing someone's gonna know. It's like, hey, he's an excellent ex who make an excellent Y. And you get a chance to be.
Mayra Amit
The Y. I always say audition wherever you are. When I worked at Dunkin Donuts, I was auditioning. I was like, someone's gonna walk in here and discover me for what, I don't know, but for something.
Adam Carolla
And the next piece of advice I have is use smart mouth. That's right. Fresh breath. Yeah. It's not going to slow down that career years, that's for damn sure. Now I do it when I brush the teeth. I do the squirt the stuff in the mouth, and then I put the electric toothbrush in there, and it's like some kind of mint Jacuzzi going on in my mouth. It's awesome. Just buzzing away. Gary, you're following my lead on this, right?
Brian Bishop
I've seen the light.
Adam Carolla
You're never going back. You just. You do the three and a half, four pumps, put the electric toothbrush in there and just go to town. I ditched the cup on your advice.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Straight into the mouth.
Adam Carolla
Straight into the mouth. That's right. While I'm whizzing into the. I mean, smart mouth. They got a challenge. You lick your wrist, you wait five seconds, you smell it. If it smells weird, that's what your mouth smells like. Smart mouth. It's beautiful. I don't know. I wouldn't even call it mouthwash. It's somewhere mouth technology. You can breathe well. You get fresh breath all day. It's good for what ails you. And you can find it at CVS Pharmacies or wherever you shop. It's in the green box. We love it over here. You use it over there. Smart mouth. All right, we have a Rich Banks song. Dicky Banks song, I think has to do with David Alan Grier and our own Al Rosen. Let's give it a little listen.
Brian Bishop
Do you want to prep Maria on what do we need to do? You want to tell Maria we what's coming?
Adam Carolla
Yes. Allison had a. A dream of a sexual nature about David Allen Greer.
Brian Bishop
Ooh, she's only human.
Mayra Amit
Random.
Adam Carolla
Caused a little controversy.
Allison Rosen
Or was it?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, he comes in a lot and talks about. Okay. Yeah.
Allison Rosen
So.
Adam Carolla
So here's the Dicky Banks song.
Allison Rosen
I was so. I am so happy to have found Daniel. I'm so in love. I feel like I found my soulmate.
Adam Carolla
Yay. Alison Rosa was getting old. Oh, my God. Her baby eggs were growing mold. So she met a fella and married him. But at night she's dreaming about the other men. But he's her soulmate.
Mayra Amit
Oh, my God. Stop.
Adam Carolla
He's her soulmate. Yay. He's her soulmate. Yay. He's her soulmate. Yay. She checked out on her wedding day. She'll hook up with dad or maybe go get. But Daniel, don't you fret. She ain't got divorce papers yet. You're her soulmate. Yay. You're her soulmate. Yay.
Mayra Amit
His voice is amazing.
Brian Bishop
You're her soulmate, white guy.
Adam Carolla
Yay. No, you're her soulmate. Yay.
Mayra Amit
Yay. Yay.
Adam Carolla
Jit Banks does it again, and this time with a mash up. Yeah.
Brian Bishop
Drops egg, everything back.
Allison Rosen
I posted a photo on Facebook and I'd say 85% of the comments are like, she's getting divorced. What about divorce? I haven't listened in a while. Divorce.
Adam Carolla
So, no, you suffer from the same thing that I suffer from, which is it's hard. You don't gush enthusiasm.
Allison Rosen
Well, so Howie Mandel came on the show and he was. He had been on the show before when I wasn't here. Cause I was getting married. So he's like, oh, you know, how's married life? And I said something not enthusiastic enough. So then he started digging in about how, oh, your marriage must be in trouble because you don't seem happy enough and it's so early and you should still be in the honeymoon phase. And so then I said what ended up in the song. I feel like I found my soulmate. Yay. So that's where all of this is coming from.
Adam Carolla
Howie and Dag, I think that people either round up or round down when you ask them about their relationship. I think there's a lot of guys and girls that are, you know, sort of mid level happy, satisfied, not going anywhere, perfectly happy with their relationship. And you go, how's it going with Sheila? Or how's it going with Steve? And they go, huh? You know, same old, same old. Like they'll give a. They round down. And then they're the ones that go, she's my best friend. I can't stand it when we're apart. A lot of times those people get.
Allison Rosen
Divorced a week later.
Adam Carolla
That's what I Tell it. Those who show enthusiasm, those who recognize birthdays and anniversaries. Those who say hi instead of grunt. Those who get flowers.
Brian Bishop
Nate, think about flowers.
Adam Carolla
That's right. That's right. That's right. Yes.
Mayra Amit
That's hilarious.
Adam Carolla
All right, so we have.
Brian Bishop
The divorce is paved with teddy bears and chocolate.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Mayra Amit
Holidays and anniversaries. That's so Kevin, too.
Adam Carolla
I love it. But you're. I feel like Maria, You're. I mean, you're very feminine, but you're also very pragmatic. I would say so. I don't know where birthdays. How like, birthdays land for you as it pertains to Kevin, for instance, who's sort of common law husband. Well, he is, right? You guys have been together forever, right? But you're not married. But how do. Is it. Here's what I would. Here's what I would think.
Mayra Amit
Okay?
Adam Carolla
And don't let me put words in your mouth, okay? If something else goes in, that'll be fine. Here's what I'm saying. Well, she's attractive, and we have a certain thing. Because we both keep yelling at people that make less money than we do. That's our thing. We could get together and make a great couple where we just yelled at people that made minimum wage. Don't eyeball me, son.
Brian Bishop
This is the foundation of many successful relationships.
Adam Carolla
But you probably feel like you would like him to definitely recognize your birthday because you want him to recognize it, but the idea of celebrating the birthday is not important. You tell me.
Mayra Amit
I think. Okay, I think for me, first of all, we don't do any of that. We don't do birthdays or anniversaries or any of that stuff. It's always. Kevin's line's always been, every day's your birthday.
Adam Carolla
I like that.
Mayra Amit
It's true.
Adam Carolla
You're 7 million years old. What? You're 7 million years old. No, but it's.
Mayra Amit
But it's true.
Adam Carolla
Thousands of years old.
Mayra Amit
I mean, when you look at the life that I. I live. Right. First of all, on. On a whole other level, like being a celebrity in this town, you get things sent to you constantly. It's like, you know, gifts at this point are like. Unless somebody gives you something really different and unique and special, that's, like, got some meaning. Like, you just.
Adam Carolla
So every day's your birthday.
Mayra Amit
Every day's my birthday.
Adam Carolla
Ask Kevin if every day's Arbor Day and other holidays, too. Like, I want to know if every day is Yom Kippur.
Mayra Amit
We never put that you know, when I talk about it in my book, it's actually kind of a really healthy thing to do in relationships because I think girls set them. Set guys up for such failure all the time. And that's what, like, creates a lot of tension in relationships. So it's like, I'm. Oh, my God. I really want him to give me this, and then he doesn't get you that, and then you hate him, and then you guys fight, and it's just. It's all meaningless. Like, you know, your relationship should mean more than that holiday or that, you know, Valentine's Day or whatever. You know, do something special. Like maybe you guys, you know, recognize the day, like, happy birthday, Love you. Blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't have to be, like.
Allison Rosen
Another song based on that.
Adam Carolla
Blah, blah, blah. Happy birthday, love you. Blah, blah, blah. Yell at some minimum wagers. Hey, let's do fast food so we can yell at more minimum wagers. The guys at the nice places are making a decent living.
Mayra Amit
I don't know. That's just my.
Adam Carolla
All right, so not. And then what about the anniversary?
Mayra Amit
I'm more of a dude. I am more of a dude. I am more masculine. So.
Adam Carolla
Okay, so. No, it's sort of. You're. So. I would. Let's just say you're so pragmatic that it's not really moving the needle, the birthday thing. And it seems like a waste of energy to be out just burning calories on something that's not moving any needles.
Mayra Amit
I mean, for me, Kevin does everything, like, literally anything I need or want, like, he'll do. And I have the means to get myself whatever I want. So it's not like, you know, it's just unnecessary pressure, I think couples place on each other. So generally, that's my theory.
Adam Carolla
You're wired like a guy, which is, if you wanted something, you can afford it, you can go buy it yourself. So you remove that aspect of the birthday, Remove the present.
Mayra Amit
Yeah. He always writes a really sweet card.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Women are like, we want the symbolism. We want the symbolism of the present.
Mayra Amit
Yeah. So my cards. I have all his cards saved. They're always super special. And he writes really sweet things. And then I go to write a card, and I have nothing to say. I'm so bad, every time I write a card, I'm like, oh, God, what do I have to say in this? Because I'm not. I don't focus enough on that stuff, so it takes me a little longer. And his are so heartfelt. I love you.
Allison Rosen
Does he care?
Adam Carolla
He's a dude, so he doesn't care, right?
Mayra Amit
No, I mean, I do. I do try to write special things I'm saying in general. When I write a card, I'm like, oh, God, what am I gonna.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you just get your assistant to write something and then you just sign it.
Mayra Amit
Yeah, I always write my own.
Adam Carolla
Should we do a little. He may not do this. With Allison Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zipping.
Mayra Amit
Allison. So glad I had this water for all the ranting and raving.
Adam Carolla
Sure.
Allison Rosen
Remember when we were talking about the school shooting in Washington state and I said that there were two deaths? One of them was the gunman and one was a female student that he shot. And then there were four injured high schoolers. One of the injured high schoolers has died. 14 year old Gia Soriano. So now the death toll is three.
Adam Carolla
Was it a teacher that stopped the whole thing?
Allison Rosen
A teacher reached out? Yeah, first year teacher. It was in the cafeteria. First year teacher reached out and, like, pushed his hand, and then his hand. He shot himself in the neck. I don't know if it's clear that she caused him to do that, but she pushed his hand, like, towards his neck, I've heard, towards the shooter's neck.
Adam Carolla
So he.
Allison Rosen
Yeah, tried to push. She swat, I think swatted at his hand and then that caused him to shoot himself.
Adam Carolla
We don't know if he killed himself or her swatting of the hand caused his demise at this point. Correct. It seems like he killed himself. That seems like a weird, unusual thing, but that teacher's a hero.
Mayra Amit
Unless she swatted in and then reflex, like.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, could have been. And it kind of be nice, but I'm assuming everyone kills themselves.
Brian Bishop
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Adam Carolla
So it seems. Wow, that woman's a saint. That is a Save lives. That is a good woman. Yeah, I'd like to bring her up and give her some certified.
Mayra Amit
Preschool shootings aren't another reason why teachers should get paid more. I don't know what is.
Adam Carolla
She's definitely hazardous duty. Bump. Yeah. All right, sad. What else?
Allison Rosen
Well, we alluded to this yesterday, but TLC has canceled Honey Boo Boo. I know TLC wouldn't publicly cite a reason, but said in a statement that, quote, supporting the health and welfare of. Sorry, let me sound serious. Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable Children is our only priority. TLC is faithfully committed to the children's ongoing comfort and well being. How can they say that with a straight face? Putting this on the air. But anyway, it's because people are saying that June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo's mother, is dating a sex offender. But she said that the statement of me dating a sex offender is totally untrue. Pumpkin, that's her nickname for this man has openly said that I did not date him. First off, he refused to date him.
Adam Carolla
I want to know what his offenses are, number one. Number two, they ran cameras for like five seasons while Honey Boo Boo lived inside a 55 gallon drum of Dijonnaise. So they're committed. All right. So they're committed to her health. This sex offender stole Harry Shearer's eyes. Yes. Harry Shearer was like, where's my eyes? Like a sex offender stole them. That's the worst of all scenarios. This is the. He has. He is exactly Harry Shearer. From the right below the eye to right up to the ridge line of the hair. Now, the reason I want to say sex offender. The reason I want to know sex offender. Because you just have that knee jerk reaction where you go, oh, he's a sex offender. But there's the. Pull the underage kids into the van. And then there's the guy who was drunk and he was taking a leak and it was within a hundred feet of a schoolyard or something. And then so he gets on to some sort of whatever it could be both. I'm not defending these guys.
Mayra Amit
Oral sex with an eight year old situation.
Adam Carolla
Oh, well, see, that's what I'm talking.
Mayra Amit
That's what Kevin told me yesterday.
Brian Bishop
Wait, yeah, but still.
Mayra Amit
Yeah, but still. Oh, God, my.
Adam Carolla
Oral sex with an eight year old.
Mayra Amit
That's what Kevin said. I have not looked it up myself, but here's a headline. Yeah, I'm getting the nods. Yes.
Allison Rosen
Honey Boo Boo star Anna Marie Cardwell. Which one is. She says she was molested by a sex offender.
Mayra Amit
It was his. Her niece that was molested, apparently.
Adam Carolla
She's niece. No, John, it's her oldest daughter. Her oldest daughter who's now in her early 20s.
Mayra Amit
Oh, how wonderful. I mean.
Brian Bishop
Well done.
Adam Carolla
Wow. Yeah.
Allison Rosen
We're looking at Harry Shearer and pumpkin.
Adam Carolla
All right. I wonder if he does a good Ronald Reagan.
Mayra Amit
Kind of has the same nose.
Brian Bishop
Yeah, I was gonna say it's remarkable.
Mayra Amit
He just has a little bit more of a tip.
Adam Carolla
But yeah, we'll. We'll put it up on.
Mayra Amit
The lips are the same too.
Brian Bishop
Harry get those eyebrows shaped.
Adam Carolla
You're gonna be in the movie.
Mayra Amit
The only thing that's separating them right now are the eyebrows.
Adam Carolla
All right? So we'll put the side to side up@adamkroll.com and you can judge for yourself. Now, by the way, does it ever piss you off? Jimmy used to do this to me every once in a while where I'll go, that guy looks kind of like Harry Shearer. And the person would go, he looks nothing like Harry Shearer. And you'd go, yeah, but a little bit around the eyes, right? No, not even close. Not even 1%. And they're like, why can't you give me just my little bit of. And by the way, are you trying to make me think I'm insane? Cuz this is how. This is the beginning of me thinking I'm insane because I'm looking at a picture going, it looks like whoever. And you're going, it looks zero. Like. Why?
Allison Rosen
What is the criteria for looks? Nothing. Like, I feel like interspecies. Although sometimes you do see an ant.
Adam Carolla
Telling you got Zuki and Chris Carter. Look, look the same. And that's a. That's not even. I'm not even sure that's. And the point is this. Why are you taking away my looks? I deal. You deal with these people all the time. They go, nothing. Not even. And then they start digging in and they just go, it is. There are nobody on the planet that look more different than these two people that you just. And you're like, why are you digging in?
Allison Rosen
On my contrary, right?
Brian Bishop
Christy, my wife, is 100% the same way as Jimmy. And she'll tag it with. When I say. I'm like, oh, God, looks kind of like hair shearer. And I'll show her a picture and she'll be like, so it's the same thing. Oh, you're so bad at. And then it's like, you're the worst at this game.
Adam Carolla
What do you mean I'm the worst? They look exactly alike. It's a weird. It's a weird quality.
Brian Bishop
Always default to.
Adam Carolla
No, it's a weird quality that some people have. And I never understand it. Like, there's that part where we've all done that thing where you kind of give them. I can see it's mainly. You want it to go away. Sure. You don't want to do another lap around this park with this person that doesn't really look like this other person that's not making you any money or moving your needle at all. But these people will Dig in and explain to you that is 100% wrong and it looks nothing like that.
Brian Bishop
And you're the worst at this game.
Adam Carolla
How can I be the worst? You're the worst. She's done some pollock.
Brian Bishop
That's right. Of all the rankings. The rankings just came out. You're dead last.
Adam Carolla
All right, so he looks like Harry's here. Where were we?
Allison Rosen
Also in reality show and reality star news, Jep Robertson, who's one of the Duck Dynasty guys, the youngest son of Phil Robertson, had a seizure.
Adam Carolla
Molested by Honey Boo Boo.
Allison Rosen
Had a seizure while hunting. While deer hunting, yeah. He's gonna be okay. They're checking into why he had the seizure now. They don't know. But of all places to have a seizure, deer hunting would not be a good one.
Adam Carolla
I concur. Cause you're in some sort of weird makeshift tree house and you're covered with deer urine. Or you spread out a bunch of deer like a pregnant doe urine and stuff like that.
Brian Bishop
It's a better moat.
Adam Carolla
Also, the notion of just sitting in a badly crafted tree house on an ice chest for nine hours, smelling deer.
Brian Bishop
Pee and waiting for the ultimate prize, a dead animal.
Adam Carolla
Oh, great.
Mayra Amit
You can't eat the deer.
Brian Bishop
What a well spent day.
Mayra Amit
Yeah, they eat that.
Adam Carolla
Well, first off, everybody, I would like to know, I would bet this the percentage of women who lie about their weight on their driver's license is right up there with the percentage of guys who hunt who claim they eat everything they shoot. Because I never quite believe them. Especially when you. You don't go through 900 pounds of deer meat in one winter. You know, like you've shot a lot of deer. You'd be eating deer cereal and having deer popsicles to Dr. Like deer flavored energy drinks. Like, you'd be going through a lot of fucking deer meat. Right, right.
Allison Rosen
If you're just shooting for sustenance, you shoot one animal and be done.
Brian Bishop
Deer fat smoothies.
Adam Carolla
Who wants another deer smoothie? Who wants another antler smoothie? It's good for what ails ya. Come on. I got a metric ton of fucking deer rotting in the garage.
Brian Bishop
Not until you finish your deer cereal.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, take this deer suppository, have these deer lozenges. Take this deer smoothie, have the shot of deer cider, and I'll wake you up. I'll wake you up at midnight, we'll have a little more. We'll have a little deer nightcap.
Brian Bishop
Like some dear Limoncello.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I don't. There's no way you could consume this Much meat that doesn't really taste that good. Right. And you're certainly not getting your kids. Now. They always. Now here's what. You know what they hide behind.
Mayra Amit
What?
Adam Carolla
A curtain of jerky. They always do jerky. No, they always go, oh, no, no, no. We make jerky so we'll have jerky to eat throughout. So you can't really call them on it because they go, well, we've dried it, we've cured it. We may be eating it 10 summers from now, but there's just no way. Because, let's face it, if you liked eating, you'd beat the fucking Arby's. Right? Yes, you like shooting.
Brian Bishop
Cut out the middleman.
Adam Carolla
Yes. You go right to the place where the meat was hot and served up to you. Right. So. So you'd go, the Sizzler and eat. So, you know, it's not the eating, it's the shooting you like. And I do totally respect the people. And there's a whole new movement. I don't know. Did you see this, Brian, on Real Sports?
Brian Bishop
I haven't seen the last one yet. Is it the most recent one?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's a whole new movement which I completely respect, which is basically the trying to get rid of the big farms and the, you know, the big corporate slaughterhouses and all the animals are bunched together and blah, blah, blah. It's kind of like a documentary. Yeah, there's a whole new movement. It's sort of, I think the. It's kind of a guy's version of breastfeeding, like a breastfeeding movement. But this is go out and shoot your own boar and shoot your own elk and shoot your own stuff. And Alison made a face, but it's better.
Allison Rosen
Yes, I agree with you.
Adam Carolla
If you do it, if you eat it, you know, if you actually consume it, versus keeping the corporate places in.
Allison Rosen
Business that I totally agree with. But I've made the case before that I think to be able to go out and shoot an animal and then eat it requires something different than just to be able to go buy meat when you're completely mentally disconnected from it. And I. And I feel like. Well, and maybe I'm just justifying myself because if I really think about it, I really probably should be vegetarian because I'm really not really okay with eating animals. And yet I have total cognitive dissonance because I do it. But I definitely could not go out and shoot something. And I think that.
Adam Carolla
But you want to judge those people. Because I feel like they're more connected than we are. I'M not. I can't shoot anything either.
Allison Rosen
So why are they the better ones, though?
Adam Carolla
Because they're calling a spade a spade. They're like, you're gonna eat beef and you're gonna eat pork, and we're gonna eat beef and we're gonna eat pork.
Allison Rosen
So we're gonna get ourselves desensitized to killing.
Adam Carolla
Well, we're not gonna support the big slaughterhouses. We're gonna go do it the way. By the way, everyone did it 200 years ago or 150 years ago. Wasn't that long ago that people just went out. I don't know the way India. Now, when you. By the way, when you make Indians now, it's cool, right? Like, hey, they're on. They're Indians. Like, that's. They shot buffalo or they shot them with arrows and they went and cooked it and they used it. And I think that. I think the point is. And I know you don't like people that shoot things. And I'm not into shooting. I'm not shooting. I'm not into shooting either. But in a weird way, they're just.
Brian Bishop
It's more humane.
Adam Carolla
In a way. It is more humane. It's better. Because you're not supporting this industry, which you don't agree with.
Allison Rosen
I hope that's really why they're doing it. I hope they're doing it for the sake of the. I hope for the sake of the animals. They're going down and killing the animals.
Adam Carolla
Well, they're doing according to this movement. They're doing it because it's a healthier, purer way of doing it, and it's not supporting the big slaughter farms, basically. And there's also. So I think at least what these guys say. And again, I've never been hunting, but I do understand this part. They do say it does give you a greater respect for the animal and for what you have to do to get your meal, that you can't just go down to the corner, that you've got to trek up the side of a mountain. You've got to burn some calories. It could take all day. And then when you then harvest that meat, you have a greater respect for it in a weird way, like you would have for an automobile that you worked hard for versus one that your rich uncle gave you.
Allison Rosen
Yeah, I get that. It also just sounds like jacking off.
Adam Carolla
Well, the movement is eating. If the movement. If you're eating what you kill, I'm fine with it. If you're doing it just to take a picture with it. Then I'm not. But the new movement, you'll see it. I think it's on real sports.
Brian Bishop
I haven't seen the most recent one.
Adam Carolla
It's an interesting endeavor, and it is one of those things where I'd go, yes, I'd rather eat pork that was wild than the one that was done in the farm.
Mayra Amit
They're in the crate that they can't move their whole life.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And they're pumped up with antibiotics and blah, blah, blah. Like, just basically born to die, essentially. At least this thing had some life on this planet.
Mayra Amit
I get it, though, because I felt the same way as you. I was very disconnected. And then Tony Robbins showed this video, and I quit eating meat in June.
Allison Rosen
Really? What was the video?
Mayra Amit
It was a video, and I would think that, like, this wouldn't have. I mean, whatever. I'm watching the video. It was basically how they snapped their beaks off the chickens. And it was so violent how it went down. And I just literally looked at everyone I was with. I'm like, I'm never eating meat again. And that was it.
Allison Rosen
What was the point of his showing the video?
Mayra Amit
Probably that.
Allison Rosen
I mean, is he vegetarian or vegan?
Mayra Amit
I don't know. But he was showing us how our meat come. Where our meat comes from is that there was a whole health day, and so it was dedicated to food and all of that. And there was, you know, about how these farms raise their animals. And that was this video that just. I just couldn't get it out of my head. And before, I love animals. I don't support hunting and killing. I mean, I'm not a fan of any of that. But I felt like a contradiction because.
Allison Rosen
Yeah, that's how I feel.
Mayra Amit
I loved my In N Out burger, and I loved. And am I In and Out Burger? But I couldn't separate. I was separate from it all. Now I feel a little better. I'm so much happier.
Adam Carolla
Well, it's very simple for me. If you eat what you kill, then we're cool. If you're one of the Trump boys and you want to get a photo op of the hippopotamus or something, then that's it. Because since we all eat what they kill, we just have Hormel do the killing for us, then we'd be hypocrites. So shoot it, eat it. Fine. I'm fine with that. But shoot it. Take a picture with it. Not fine with that.
Allison Rosen
Then there's plenty of people that say, oh, well, we donate the meat to the needy. Do you think the Trumps are doing that.
Adam Carolla
Anybody who either eats it themselves or gives it to people that can consume it, as long as the thing is not rotting out in someone's back of someone's pickup truck, I'm completely fine with it. Like giving away turkeys on Thanksgiving. You know, some rich guys will go down to skid row or something, give away turkeys to families that need help. That's. That's fine as long as the fan.
Allison Rosen
Now, if the family here's a giant.
Brian Bishop
Frozen turkey, well, enjoy.
Adam Carolla
Let's just say families that aren't that aren't well to do. Now, if the family that couldn't afford a turkey, took it to the next corner, shoved an M80 up its ass and ran, I would have a huge problem. Or beef, pardon the pun, with that family. But if they take it home and eat it, then I'm cool. And I don't look at this as any different. All right, let's bring it home.
Allison Rosen
That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.
Mayra Amit
I am so allergic to lameness.
Adam Carolla
That was the news with Allison Rosen. Allergic to lameness.
Brian Bishop
So allergic.
Mayra Amit
Hyper allergic.
Adam Carolla
All right, we are doing a bunch of shows all over the place, so you should come say hi to us. You can go to ancarolla.com for that. You want to enjoy some Mangria? We got the three pack, red, white, and all going out, shipping included, under 50 bucks. And the new formulation, man, good for what ails you. So go to Corolla drinks. Also, if you want to help get me back to zero with the patent trolls, you can just go to click through the Amazon banner and bookmark it. And every little bit helps. We appreciate also our fine sponsors, Reverie bed. Oh, had that vibration mode going this morning. Had a great time. I had piled everybody. I haven't been on TV in a while. As far as my kids know. They're eight, so they don't know me from any of that. But now the Ketcha contractor's on. They love that show.
Brian Bishop
You're back up in the rankings. You've reentered the top 10.
Adam Carolla
I have gone from kissing my daughter's scalp. She's actually leaned her head back a little. I get a little forehead brow in there now. Still haven't met the lips yet, but.
Brian Bishop
I do keep the momentum going. You'll get there, man.
Adam Carolla
Get in the forehead. Yeah, we all got up on the bed last night, turned on catch a contractor and put the thing on vibrate. Leaned it up a little bit.
Mayra Amit
Yeah, you use your vibrator on that?
Adam Carolla
Well, no, the.
Mayra Amit
I mean, the vibrator. I have it, too, but it bothers me.
Adam Carolla
Well, because you can't experience pleasure, and you have to be yelling at an intern in order to experience pleasure.
Mayra Amit
Adam, I don't yell at people. I just am allergic to people who are.
Adam Carolla
I'm just saying there's a time that.
Brian Bishop
Sounds like yelling to me.
Adam Carolla
It's time to shut off the work switch and turn on the vibration mode, lean that bad boy up and watch a little pops on TV yelling at poor people.
Brian Bishop
You go in for a kiss on your daughter's cheeks, you put your finger up and stops you. Maybe season three.
Adam Carolla
Season three. By the way, let me check the overnights.
Mayra Amit
Hilarious.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you're doing well in the demographic, but the cum leaves a lot to be desired. All right, so we sat on our Reverie bed, and. And they got me this thing about four or five months ago, and it has changed my life and the kids and Lynette. And we love it. 888-888-5990. Or you can go to sleeplikeadam.com you can try it out for 101 nights. No risk trial. You don't love it, Send it back. It is simply the best. It's a sleep system. It's Reverie. Red Dawson in the Adam Carolla listener who calls Reverie to learn more and decides to purchase Reverie Sleep System will receive a $250 voucher for Reverie accessories. You must call to be eligible and specify that you are referred by Adam Carolla. Voucher cannot be applied to reduce the purchase price of the sleep system. All right, I want to thank Maria Menounos for coming in Untold with Maria Menounos. New episodes on E. Thursdays, 8 o', clock, and the YouTube channel, AfterBuzz TV. Check that out. What else do we do? We need Maria. Where can we send people? Afterbuzztv.com afterbusttv.com we also have an app.
Mayra Amit
So you can download the app and watch your favorite after show Untold. This Thursday night's gonna be a great episode. We're talking transgender movement and depression following Robin Williams. It's a really good episode. And then I'm hosting the live Fast and the Furious launch of the new trailer Saturday at noon. Worldwide. Yep. Worldwide launch. If you're dying to see the trailer.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Mayra Amit
You gotta tune in into E at noon on Saturday. Because I work on Saturdays.
Adam Carolla
Matt, clear my schedule. So.
Mayra Amit
And Sundays until next time. And I like it.
Adam Carolla
I know. No, no, no. I know. You're having a great life. You're scared me. Zam Crow from Maria Menounos, Allison Rosen, Paul Bryan saying mahalo, coddle, coddle, coddle, coddle, coddle.
Mayra Amit
We are raising a generation of bombs.
Brian Bishop
All right, that's Adam Carlos Show 1441. Coming next we have Adam Carolla Show 1455, featuring Dr. Drew, Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.
Adam Carolla
Good day. Allison Rosen.
Allison Rosen
Hello, Adam Corolla. Can I ask you a question about the new Take A Knee podcast?
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Allison Rosen
Do you think that means there will be less motivational stuff on this one? Have you thought about how they'll relate to each other?
Adam Carolla
Mmm, no. I mean, good question.
Allison Rosen
Drew, I think Dawson is telling you to swing around.
Adam Carolla
I. And Brian's here and. Yeah, no, I don't know. I think I've realized as I get older, I get more interested in that topic. I think part of it is getting older, part of it is having kids and want to know, like, how to get them going. The other part is it's a crazy racket. Those guys. You're fooled to do standup. You really should just do motivational speaking, Joel Osteen style. You get a shitload of money and you just say the same thing over and over again. And if there's a smile mixed in there somewhere, that's all gravy. These guys, like, there's motivational speaking circuits. All these ex coaches do it, and these, you know, they have these, know, presidential folks and just every name you've heard of and some you haven't are all out there doing the same banquet speech, and they do the same thing and they get a ton of money.
Allison Rosen
Well, that's why you want to do it.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Why am I killing myself writing jokes?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You're looking both looking at me, and I was just thinking, geez, Alison said, how's it going to affect this broadcast? And he's so kind to you. He would have said to me, thanks for shitting on my show. Thanks for shitting on my new project.
Adam Carolla
No, I think she was asking a reason. She was asking a reasonable question.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
But I just realized, boy, if I'd ask you that question, you would have gone, all right, thank you for shitting on my point.
Adam Carolla
No, you normally do shit on my points. That was a legitimate question. I cannot help people say to me, how do you come up with that metaphor or whatever it is? And I go, I have no idea. Just whatever comes. Whatever comes. I would never edit myself or do less or do more. Hopefully, this will be this and that will be that and I gotta tell you, Norman Lear, who I sat down with to do a one on one with, which will be the next one, I had a transcendent conversation with him. I mean, it was powerful and bizarre. It was really weird. I've never really experienced that kind of conversation. And I couldn't believe he was 92 years old.
Allison Rosen
I almost had tears in my eyes when he was in here talking. There's just something about him.
Adam Carolla
92. But we had this conversation about having the same mother, and it was a crazy conversation. And I never thought of it because he was telling us stories about flying in B17s and World War II and this, that, and the other.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Just like you.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And you just sort of think about. All right, I guess he's old, but you're doing the math. 92. Fucking sharp as a fucking tack. Unbelievable. All right, Dr. Drew in studio. Bull. Brian in studio. Some booze related stuff for you. Dr. Drew. Yeah. Dr. Drew not only has Loveline. And around the country, where do they go? I mean, we know out here it's KROQ, but where should people go, really?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Go to lovelineshow.com and just listen to the podcast. Listen to it. Streaming or go to podcast one. It's there too.
Adam Carolla
All right. And me and Dr. Drew have our show.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That's.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That's what I. After two years of doing this show, I thought, Adam, you almost never. I bet a significant percentage of the listeners of this show don't know you. And I do a podcast.
Adam Carolla
It doesn't come up very often.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Thank you. And so as Script, it's a cult classic. As Scratch, I thought we'd be about time we came on and said, hey, by the way, we've been doing this podcast. People seem to like it. And fans of yours would be fans of ours, I would think.
Adam Carolla
Sure. All right. New episodes every Thursday and Sunday. I had to check the screen. All right, Ball. Bryan, you have a review?
Brian Bishop
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I had a couple of miniature breakthroughs over the weekend. I was in Vegas with Jimmy Kimmel & Co. Celebrating Jimmy's birthday party. I don't remember that much of it because I was sitting next to cousin Sal and Bill Simmons, and Bill Simmons said, hey, so we're gonna get wasted. Smoke, pack cigarettes, and we'll play 21 till 6. Ambitious. I said, all right, I'm in.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Sounds uncomfortable.
Adam Carolla
Tried.
Brian Bishop
Did you have a typical bad luck?
Adam Carolla
Well, yes and no.
Brian Bishop
Okay.
Adam Carolla
I don't gamble because I don't have good luck. But I did sit between cousin Sal and Bill Simmons and play 21 at a table for probably about three hours and just went back and forth and back and forth. Probably up couple hundred bucks.
Brian Bishop
You try to gleam off of their collective gambling.
Adam Carolla
Years of gambling. And literally sat in between them. And Bill was doing a power move where he's playing two hands. You know, he's playing two stools. Wow. Yeah.
Allison Rosen
Then if you split, it's four hands.
Adam Carolla
That's a lie. Two stools. Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Actually, two stools out of the table.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. One podcaster and two stools. It's a hot video between two stools. So there was that. No. What? Well, I'll tell you what happened to me in a second. First, the ride over. So Lynette and I went. It was a lovely evening. We're going out to dinner. She went out with Bill's wife Carrie and the rest of the girls and Sal's wife Melissa, and they just went out, played craps. We went out, played 21. We got picked up at the airport in the. Took a cab. Miniature scion with a Croatian cat driving the thing.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Meth or no meth.
Adam Carolla
No. He was a big man.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He's about 50.
Adam Carolla
50. He was a big man and he had his. All right, so we're getting. We're at McCarran, and we're getting in from the side, from the sidewalk. And I do the thing where I travel. I do the travel math, which is whatever seat has more room behind it. That's the one. I settle in because I'm always taller, usually than the person I'm traveling with. And especially if I'm traveling with my wife, the extra. That difference between being, you know, 5, 7, 5, 8 and being 6, 2 is just fucking nothing but pain. All the, you know, Southwest flights and all the cabs and all the things where you feel kind of confined. The pain ratchets up after about 5, 8. It just keeps going. And it works like the Richter scale, which is. Oh, no, no, There's a huge difference between, yeah, 0.7 and a 0.8 or it's 1,000 times more. And it just keeps going. So I get in the car and I sit. I get in first, and I sit in behind the passenger. And then I feel Lynette, like, punch me in the shoulder, and I go, what? What do you. And she goes, we got to get in on this side because it's like the cab curb. You're not supposed to go around into the traffic. And I go, oh, okay, sorry. And I slid over. And the heavy accented, heavy set Croatian guy had his fucking. I've had this happen a million times. The guy who's driving the cab has his chair in full recline. I'll show you a picture of it@adamcroll.com so it's full recline. Show the first picture I gave you. Police Gary first, I think. There you go. So the guy just has his chair leaned back, but he's not even leaned back. He's sort of forward. And my knees. And I said to him, here's the part that's insane to me about life. I said, hey, can you move your chair up? Like, don't. What are you, fucking lowrider? Like, you're full Fucking.
Allison Rosen
How relaxed do you need to be when you drive?
Adam Carolla
You drive a fucking cab, but the whole thing is you drive a miniature mobile, you can suss out that there's a 6, 2 guy who slid in behind you, and you're. You're in full fucking effect. Full fucking recline effect. And I don't beat around the bush. Like, I don't go, man, my kneecap sure could use some air. I don't do any of that. I just go, hey, can you move your seat up? You need to lean your seat forward. And the guy goes, what is. You know, okay. And he. He scooches the seat forward half an inch, but it's still full recline. And I'm like. But I'm saying to Lynette, talking about him out loud, first off, it's bad. It's horrible posture. You're not supposed to drive laid back that way. Secondly, it's just dangerous. His head couldn't be further from the headrest. It's gonna do him no good if he's rear ended.
Brian Bishop
But he's propping himself up from the seat.
Adam Carolla
But you have a job where people ride in the back of your car.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Adam's like a little kid, mommy, that lady's really fat in front of like, lean your seat. He's talking about the seat.
Adam Carolla
Lean forward. It's your fucking job.
Brian Bishop
And let's say it is uncomfortable for you to lean the seat forward. The nine minutes it takes to get from McCarran or to the Strip is not. Is too much. Well, till you can put it back.
Adam Carolla
How about you have this policy. If a small Asian woman gets into the back of your hack and she's on the passenger side, you do not have to move your seat. But if a fucking loud, nasally guys mistaken. Mistaken for Jew constantly. Who keeps saying, hey, could you move your seat?
Brian Bishop
If normal gets in a cab, then.
Adam Carolla
How about you lean your seat forward? How about that. Be part of your policy, part of the general policy. But the break though, he didn't, he didn't do anything. He was talking the whole time about Croatia and all this stuff. And I was like, can you lean your seat forward? Lean it forward? Yes. Good. Yeah, it's back. Yeah. And like some point, like I said, he scooched it, but the lean was still on. But when you own a cab company, wouldn't you just be like, first off, I will take all of the front seats and I will put a pin in them so that they cannot go into recline mode. Nothing good could come of this. He could be sleeping on the job. He could be hitting my knee pads. He could be fucking an out of towner, whatever he's doing. Yes. Receiving oral from said out of towner, Whatever the fuck he's doing. It's not good. Like, he just. You shouldn't be able to drive a cab and lean your fucking car when your business is putting people behind you. You can no longer do the seat lean. It's a weird thing, is it not?
Brian Bishop
I feel like cab drivers spend a lot of time in the car with no one in it. And they should be able to recline then. But as soon as like a weight sensor on the seat, you know, the one that sets off the seat belt, it should prop the seat right up.
Adam Carolla
Well, this one was a no brainer. I was telling him to take his fucking seat and move it forward the whole time because he, he was just in full recline.
Allison Rosen
How do I dismantle that alert?
Adam Carolla
It's weird. All right, so I had that and then I realized these cab drivers are getting bigger and bigger because all they do is fucking. Everyone's getting bigger. All right, so here's.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Which should also include the passengers, by the way.
Adam Carolla
Yes. So here's the collision course we're heading. Everyone is getting bigger. The car is getting smaller. It's a Scion shitbox. So the car.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
New York cabs are all going to these little small things because they want.
Adam Carolla
To get the economy with the gas and fuels, expensive, blah, blah, blah, exhaust and blah, blah, everything. So, I mean, you could imagine if you had a fleet of 500 of these things if it only got 5 miles a gallon better times 500 times all day every day. That's massive savings for your company. So the cars are getting smaller. The Croatian dudes that are piloting those cars are getting bigger and the people behind them are getting bigger. I thought, this is a horrible thing. But then later on when we landed back in Burbank and I picked my car up, I got in the car, I dropped it off at the valet.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Strangely, leaned the seat was.
Adam Carolla
Thank you for attempting to on my joke now. I appreciate it.
Allison Rosen
Use me as a human shield, Drew.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I'm gonna need you.
Adam Carolla
Now. You see how Drew waits for the punchline and then tries to slide in something that's confusing or weird? Well, you have two choices. It's either my punchline or it's just a bad joke.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It was a bad joke.
Adam Carolla
All right, Quiet. I get in my fucking car, the valet is a dwarf. So he pulls the seat all the way up. We need to swap these guys out.
Allison Rosen
Dwarfs driving cabs.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, they both drive cars. They both work in the industry. Get the fat, rangy cab driver, put him at the valet so he can always have my seat back. Then take the short little Mexican guys doing the valet and have them drive the hack. Yeah, that's fucking win win.
Brian Bishop
The big guys.
Allison Rosen
And smart.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Goes. You both have decided that you're just gonna have a life sitting inside a car, going in basically a circle and relying on tips. Why not swap it out size wise?
Brian Bishop
It's probably better for the big guys anyway because the valets have to run. Get your car.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, there you go.
Brian Bishop
Half the time running.
Adam Carolla
Yes. And all you assholes out there, we're doing you a favor who are little who go, oh, when I get in a car, my seat's back too. That's not a problem. That's you getting into too much space and then having to with an electric seat. Me, I gotta get a fucking running start to get into my car when that seat's all the way the fuck up. All right, so swap out the two. Yes. Perfect. Dr. Drew, everybody. Drew, you want to plug the HLN show?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Sure.
Adam Carolla
9 o'. Clock.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
9 o'.
Adam Carolla
Clock.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
6 o' clock on the west HLN. And HLN is going to have a big new sort of of launch in mid January to be a whole new hln.
Adam Carolla
What are they. What are they striving for?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
They're striving for a sort of news based in social media. And so no one's really doing that. And they sort of look, what is no one. What is there something no one's got? We'll just go do it our show. We're going to be pulling people into the studio instead of in the boxes. And hopefully it'd be fun.
Adam Carolla
We also, when we landed in Burbank, I don't know what's wrong. Everyone's a piece of Shit.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Really?
Adam Carolla
Everybody, everybody. The flight from McCarran on Saturday back.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
To LA, did you fly Southwest?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it was about 85% full.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Did your wife have to sit somewhere else so she didn't have to listen to complain?
Adam Carolla
No, no. She got to sit next to this chick who was sitting alone against the window on a flight that 85% full. And when we pulled up, the two seats next to her, the middle seat and the aisle seat were empty. And as we started to slide in, she went like, oh, perfect. Wow. Like, she was like 24 and just fucking snotty piece of shit, right? And I was like, look, I'll put the skinny one next to you. I'll put my wife next to you. And she's like, yeah, she was sort of thinking out loud, but because people don't have control of their faculties anymore, like, first off, you're on a fucking Southwest flight, baby. What do you think you're gonna get, a fucking sleeper pod? You're on a Southwest flight, by the.
Allison Rosen
Way, there's no chance it's not gonna.
Adam Carolla
Be full from Vegas to Burbank. It's gonna be full. There's gonna be someone next 45 minutes.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Let me propose something on alternative interpretation. Maybe she doesn't like the Aceman. Maybe she's got a thing for you. So I'm in line. That asshole's gonna sit me if.
Adam Carolla
Of course, I like where. I like where your head's at. But no cut of my jib out of my demo. And so Lynette's. Lynette sits down next to her.
Brian Bishop
Her boyfriend's a big fan, right?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
She hates to listen to this shit.
Brian Bishop
Drew's making a lot of sense.
Adam Carolla
She's saying she realized it was uncomfortable after a few moments and said, I'm sorry. I'm tired, I'm sleepy. You know, I shouldn't have said that. Or something like that. Which was nice. It was nice. But then when we landed, it's one of those. We're kind of sitting in the middle of the plane. You could go forward, you could go backwards. I'm not one of. I know the people like to pop up when there's 11 minutes before you can actually go anywhere. For me, it's pop up, hit my head on the thing. I sit in this weird sort of lurched over position. You want to feel like you're doing something when the seatbelt light goes off, but you really can't do anything until people give you a little burp.
Allison Rosen
No, it's out of your control, right?
Adam Carolla
And so we were sitting there, and Lynette's sitting there, and I'm sitting there, and we're just sort of waiting for that opening. And Drew, I think, you know me, I'm ready to go as fast as anyone is ready to go. But it's also stupid and pointless to stand up when everyone else is just standing up and getting their bags out, and you're kind of trapped where you are. And she looks at us and she goes, the plane landed. Wow. Later on, when I was walking out, she was. I passed her with her parents, like, hugging her. I wanted to stop and go, nice job. Great job.
Allison Rosen
When a bitch apologizes, never trust that apology.
Adam Carolla
That's right. That's right.
Allison Rosen
It's like she realized she said something cunty. But it doesn't mean she's gonna stop herself from doing it again.
Adam Carolla
No one's ever told her to stop. She doesn't. In her world, she's just saying what she's feeling, man. That's what. And how could it be wrong? That's what's in her head.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
She just speaks her mind, man.
Adam Carolla
People can't handle the truth.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah, people say they don't like to be around me, but I just speak the truth, man.
Adam Carolla
Oh, my fucking God. God, I feel so sorry for whoever's fucking her.
Brian Bishop
That's unbelievable.
Adam Carolla
God. And by the way, what happened to the a.m. bitch, I'm 25 years older than you. How about just a little bit of something?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Come on.
Adam Carolla
All right. It's all gone. Please. It's all fucking gone.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That is gone. The fuck you're talking about?
Adam Carolla
It's all gone. It's all fucking gone.
Allison Rosen
I mean, thank you for thinking I'm that young, but.
Adam Carolla
But I have a little respect for the elders. That's something.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You're referring back to an age old, an ancient time.
Allison Rosen
Yes, but I feel like regardless of your age, not being a total asshole is timeless.
Adam Carolla
Well, just.
Brian Bishop
The plane landed.
Adam Carolla
Look, we know. We understand what's happening. There are people standing around. There's nowhere to go.
Brian Bishop
Not only was it shitty, it was passive aggressive. Like, if you want me to get up and get my stuff, say that.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Oh, the passive aggression. She seemed to have cornered.
Brian Bishop
There were two levels of shittiness.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's awesome. Everyone's awesome. By the way, I'm sure she'll have a great fucking life filled with, you know. My boss fired me because he hates me or hates women. Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome. Enjoy your horrible life. All right. So another little dilemma on the airplane. It's gonna play nicely into your hands. Drew involves alcohol.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Shocking.
Adam Carolla
Lynette ordered Bloody Mary on the way home.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
On the way there, yeah.
Adam Carolla
On the way there. On the way there.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Okay. That's your drink on the plane.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Yeah. She ordered Bloody Mary. I ordered a light beer. And we were sitting. On the way out, we were sitting in the furthest back, and I was sitting against the window. As far back as you can.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Back of the plane.
Adam Carolla
Back of the plane.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
There's no rear exit in Vegas. It's only in Burbank. You get to go out the back.
Adam Carolla
Right. And I was as far back and in. Far in the corners. You can make yourself in that configuration on that airplane. Lynette, she did that move where she skimmed the booze off the top of her Bloody Mary. That's always the solid tomato juice is at the bottom, and then the top's always stronger than the bottom. But she skimmed the juice off.
Brian Bishop
Separates quickly.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, she got the vodka off the top. I was sitting there. I finished my beer. I was looking at her, and I said, what's up with that bloody marrow? There's about an inch left at the bottom. Said, I'm done with it. I tasted it. Just tasted like tomato juice to me. So I said, I got the perfect remedy for that. I reached in my bag, grabbed a traveler.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
How'd you get that through security?
Adam Carolla
Little bottles of Booze. They're like 1 ounce, 2 ounce liquid.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah, it's the right size.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Okay. So I just like. Well, all right.
Brian Bishop
Liquid's liquid to them.
Adam Carolla
Popped the top off the Smirnoff bottle, dumped it in, put the cap back on, threw it back in my backpack.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
We just go full alcoholic.
Adam Carolla
Just carry a flask.
Brian Bishop
He's not full alcoholic now.
Adam Carolla
If you can't get it through, you can't get it through.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
But you can maybe get a mini one or something.
Adam Carolla
This is a mini. All right, all right. This is that. All right. I start to take it up to my lips, and the. The flight attendant says, I'm gonna need that drink. And I said, huh? And she said, you can't bring your own booze on the plane. What? And I said, well, you know, you made three announcements involving smoking. Maybe five. I didn't hear anything about booze. And she's like, yeah, no, I need that drink. Give me the drink. And I said, this is a new. This is a new fucking thing in my life now, where I just go. So she's standing there. I'm sitting in the fucking corner. The flight's gonna land in 14 minutes.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's not just because they're landing. It's because you're not allowed to bring your own.
Adam Carolla
No, she said, you can't pour.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Why didn't they say that?
Allison Rosen
Where's this rule coming from?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, why aren't we familiar with it? It's. It's one of the ones they don't talk about. Cause, you know, they only have so much to do. And 20 minutes has to be dedicated to smoking because we haven't heard that.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Well, not just smoking, but all the things you can't do to.
Adam Carolla
Smoke detector, right? And the. And the vaping and all that kind of stuff. It's all gotta be addressed. So. So I'm just, like, holding the glass. I haven't taken a sip out of it. She's standing there. There's nothing else going on in there. No one else is seeing what's going on. And I said, how about you pretend you didn't see it and just sort of go on? She goes, I could get into trouble. And I said, when you turn yourself in, don't turn yourself in. And she's like, yeah, I get in trouble. I said, really? I mean, we're really getting into this, right? You could just walk on. And she's like. But the thing that was weird about was a weird. It was a weird thing because she was bitchy from the word go. And even Lynette noticed it. She came around and said, would you like a. Would you like a beer? And I said. Or she said, would you like something to drink? And I said, yeah, I'll take a light beer. And she went, okay, Bud Light. And I said, do you have any other light beer? And she goes, oh, we have Miller Lite. And I said, okay, I'll take that. And she's like, yeah, okay. Like, she didn't want to give me the thing. When they're giving the pretzels out, they had the peanuts, like, hidden.
Brian Bishop
Good stuff.
Adam Carolla
They're trying to. I figured out later on that the Bud Light doesn't sell as well, and the pretzels don't go as fast. And they're told to cycle that shit through. Offload the Bud Light with the pretzels. But I wanted the peanuts in the Miller Light. But either way. So I said to her, look, okay, fine. Give me one sip, and I'll. A mercy sip. Give me one hit off it, and then you can throw it away. Thank you. And by the way, this is our.
Allison Rosen
Again, I'm wondering how she even saw you do this if you were Tucked in the corner.
Adam Carolla
She just happened to just sort of walk by at the right second.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Because why.
Adam Carolla
She wasn't like. I wouldn't low key about it. Look, if I was slamming heroin or something, I would have gone into the bathroom with the thing and done it.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
All covertly, or that's what he's gonna do.
Adam Carolla
Held my jacket up or something like that. But I wasn't making a big deal out because first off, it's our bloody mare. It's not like I've got my Mrs. T's mixed and mixing it.
Brian Bishop
Celery stock.
Adam Carolla
Celery stock shaker and my shaker. Yeah, I'm not setting up a fucking wet bar. I'm just. I ordered a drink. My wife ordered a drink. I'm just dumping a little. No, no, I'm gonna need to confiscate that. She needed to confiscate it. So I said, all right, I'll tell you what. Here you go. Just give me one. Give me a hit. I'll give it to you. And I took a hit off it, but I took, like, an extra hit off it. And I started handing to her, and she was like, fuck you. She basically. She didn't say, fuck you. She just turned her back and went and did something else. And I said, yeah, you can have it. Go ahead. And here you go. And she's like, fuck off. There's no way.
Allison Rosen
You got to keep it.
Brian Bishop
Taste your own medicine.
Adam Carolla
Lynette was trying to hand it to her because she was on the thing, and she was like, you defied me. No, fuck off. You. Yeah.
Brian Bishop
So many questions about this situation. Number one, the bottle was brought because with the. Had to been brought with the express purpose of, I'm gonna get another drink in on the plane. When they stop serving.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Aren't they called, like, is it emergency bottle? Airplane bottles?
Adam Carolla
They're airplane bottles.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That's what we refer them to them as. Right.
Brian Bishop
Why was the bottle brought?
Adam Carolla
They're Trav. They're called travelers. They're like, get whatever booze you want. Yeah.
Brian Bishop
You get bedmo or wherever. Yeah, sure.
Adam Carolla
And keep a couple of them around. You never know.
Allison Rosen
Do you have them on your person right now?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I got. No. I mean, no. It's just they're in my. In my backpack. It's like traveling around.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Gary put up says Gary.
Adam Carolla
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Oh, hell, yeah. I've been doing this for years.
Adam Carolla
I'm an alcoholic. Why not? You're going so much cheaper. Well, not only you are an alcoholic, not Only is it a ton. Not only is it a ton cheaper, but let's say you wanted said Bloody Mary. Mary. Let's say you're in Texas or some place where they have some of these archaic rules. You're coming through the airport. It's Sunday. It's 11. Thank you. You want your bloody Mary?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You have Smirnoff. Now we're all getting smeared off.
Adam Carolla
No, what I'm saying is they have the no booze until noon on a Sunday because now we're in Texas, which is different than Burbank and different than lax. And you go, yeah, no booze. I got. Give me. Yeah. Then you just order tomato juice and dump it in yourself.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Did you guys ever hear the story that when Adam and I were at. I don't know what the hell airport that was, and the guy bought us a drink, insisted on buying us a drink in the morning.
Adam Carolla
You hear this story?
Allison Rosen
I don't.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I can't remember the details, but basically, the guy was you. Me in August, I guess, Right. And we were in. I think we were in Las Vegas, actually. And the guy sits down. There's a bar sort of where they. That D gate is, and the sit down, and we're having, like, coffee, basically. And the guy's, oh, Adam, I got. I gotta buy your drink. We're like, no, no, thank you, man. And then it was. He had to buy a drink. And you remember this?
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Had to buy your drink.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And you oblige. All right, buy me a drink. And then how did he get to the insults? I forget how we graduated to the insult.
Adam Carolla
He wanted. He bought a drink for.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Oh, the second drink.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, like, you know, 7:22 in the morning. And I'm like, we're fine. We have our coffees. Thank you. Thank you. You know, definitely buying you a drink. And so he kept coming. So eventually I said, fine, get me a light beer or something. And he got it. And then he said, I'm buying you a second drink.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
We sat down with us, and he's like, now you got to try this whiskey they've got behind the bar.
Adam Carolla
You have to, right? We're like, no, no, we don't. No, we're good. We took your first offering, and thank you, but no. Had to. Just. Just was not going to stop.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And Adam got a little bit direct, like, a little bit like, come on, man, it's everything more. We don't want it. And his response. Oh, I know how long it was something in the order of when do you know when you're Being an asshole, Adam, or how long you been an asshole? Was basically the question.
Adam Carolla
I have so many stories that go this way, I don't even know where to put it. He was not being an asshole.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He was being very kind to the guy. And Adam's like, all right, well, now you get at it. Get the hell out of here.
Adam Carolla
So. Well, first off, shouldn't there be. How about you start a Utah with us? Oh, that's right.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And then tries to make up in.
Adam Carolla
Utah by the baggage claim to show.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Us where the rental car is or something.
Adam Carolla
We run into him at the. Yeah, in Utah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And I tried to make nice.
Adam Carolla
Oh, that fucking Drew. Now you've pulled the scab off of this wound. You know what? I buried this a long time. The guy was such a dickhead to us at Vegas that eventually I just told his drunken ass just to shove off, you know? And it's sad that it starts off as, here's a fan, and now it gets to the point where the person is saying that the person the guy's a fan of is going, buzz off, douchebag. But that's where we get. I guarantee he'll go home and tell his wife what happened. I saw Adam Carolla at the airport. I walked past him, and he called me douchebag. Told the buzz off. That'll be his version of the story. But I literally told him to buzz off. And then he went and saw us. He was on the other end in Utah. I remember sitting there by the baggage carousel, staring at the picture of the rhino, saying, I am not medicine, and thought, how many fucking people passed through Salt Lake on their way to safari in the Serra Getty? I remember. What the fuck? Why do we have to be bummed out everywhere we go? What percent. Who's this affecting? It's not affecting anyone except for. I'm really bummed out thinking about this rhino having. It's being poached now. And this guy walked up to us, and he's like, the cab stands over there, and he kind of did a. You know, making amends. And he was starting to walk away, and Drew went, hold up. And Drew called him back, and I was like, why'd I keep yelling at you? You broke an engagement. You broken engagement. You break engagement.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Disengage.
Adam Carolla
Disengage.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He's screaming, disengage. I'm like, what?
Adam Carolla
What? Disengage. We're never gonna see these people again.
Allison Rosen
So did you.
Adam Carolla
Drew cannot help.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He kind of cried a little bit. Adam sort of pulled me out of the Escalator. And that was the end of that.
Adam Carolla
Oh, my God. We did a. Drew, where did we do the show? Where did we do the show? Where at the end of the show, Alex Borstein's stocky, angry lesbian sister was waiting for you backstage to just light into you.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
25 years ago or something. It was in University somewhere, Virginia or something.
Adam Carolla
They'd say, like, there's somebody from the student union who'd like to talk to Dr. Drew. And you.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Just needs a second with you guys.
Adam Carolla
They're backstage waiting for you after the show. And then they'd escort you into the room. And then the room, the chick starts digging into Drew. She just. What gives you the right.
Brian Bishop
Was it why the guys have an interview or what?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Just it sort of sounded like a meet and greet or quasi. Sounded like an interview. Meets. Meet and greet. Like, this is some representative from the student body and she wants a chance to say hi to you guys.
Adam Carolla
Okay. But all she wanted to do was tear Drew a new asshole.
Brian Bishop
Over.
Adam Carolla
There was a lot of misogyny or something.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Was sort of for supporting you for being.
Adam Carolla
What are you doing? What gives you the ride? You should know better, Drew.
Brian Bishop
Look at this guy, right?
Adam Carolla
Oh, my God. I was just like, honey, get your fat ass out of here. And Drew's like, oh, hold on. Those are the words that came out of his mouth, I believe. Well, it's so insane that you bring people in to speak at your university and then you're just gonna sit back there and we're supposed to hold court with you for how long? How long are you supposed to be insulted?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Right?
Adam Carolla
That says now for you, it's forever. It's in fuckinfinity, Drew, you'll keep going.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I was thinking about, as it pertains to that guy at the baggage claim in Utah. There was that and the way you dragged me into the escalator. I had the same experience with you when you were walking through Times Square in the middle of the night. We used to do Westwood One in Times Square, sort of near Times Square. We'd walk back to our hotel.
Adam Carolla
CBS is where we'd go.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Is that where it was?
Adam Carolla
It was.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Because it was a building back then.
Adam Carolla
It was up high. Yeah, we'd go, we'd broadcast. We'd do Love Lions in New York from 1am to 3am so we would meet in the hotel lobby at like, 12:30 and walk to wherever we're going to. And we're going through Times Square. Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And I remember the car of women that opened the.
Adam Carolla
It was a van filled with prostitutes. Filled, like, if you put them in a Cuisinart, you couldn't get more whores into that Aerostar. You could not. It was just packed.
Brian Bishop
It was horror concentrate.
Adam Carolla
Horror concentrate. Yeah, it was an astro van filled with astro glide. Astro o' whore. Yeah, it was just packed. And, like, when we walked past, they're.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Like, yeah, no, they're like, hey, hey, we need something.
Adam Carolla
I was like, they're like, hey, help over here. Need help.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
We need some help.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, why don't you come over?
Brian Bishop
And they yelled, where's the party? I'll help them find the party.
Adam Carolla
And Drew just turned around, started walking right through the. I could see their acrylic nails. You could see from outer space. Crazy hair and everything like that. And I like, Drew. It's a van of whores.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
What they say they didn't help. You're like, keep walking. Disengage.
Adam Carolla
Ah, Drew, what would you do without me? I don't know. All right, we got some sucked into the Astro vanna. Whore phone calls and God knows what else. Ah, blue apron. Love these guys, man. I got my box. Brian, you got it. Allison, I know you got it too, right? Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Wait a minute.
Adam Carolla
It is. It's one of those things where you hear about it. It's meals that you prepare, but it's all the right ingredients, and it's all weighed out. It's all healthy, and it's all great.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Like, easy instructions and stuff.
Adam Carolla
Pictures, pictures.
Allison Rosen
But cannot mess it up.
Adam Carolla
You kind of think, all right, come on, how's this work? I'm going to screw this up. You cannot. The pictures, the meals. Give it a try. Give it a try. 500 to 700 calories per serving, and it takes less than half hour shipping. Always free. They got the glazed chicken drumsticks, and they got shiitake turnip. Ooh, rice steak and roasted. I don't even know what sunchokes are. What are sunchokes?
Brian Bishop
I assume it's a type of artichoke.
Adam Carolla
World's worst children's candy. Worst hard candy ever.
Brian Bishop
Mom, more sun.
Adam Carolla
Breathe. Yeah, it's all good. I've not had a stinker yet. It's all been awesome. And you can go and check out and see what else is on the menu. And you get your first two meals free. Go to blueapron.com Adam that's blueapron.com Adam. Two free meals. Just go to blueapron.com Adam Sunchoke, also.
Brian Bishop
Known as the Jerusalem Architect.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Oh, nice.
Adam Carolla
Nice.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Makes it much Easier for Adam's au pairs to make his dinner.
Adam Carolla
I tell you, Olga did a wonderful job.
Brian Bishop
He throws the food at her and says, megan, look. Like this.
Adam Carolla
She does.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Hey, by the way, the other thing I did not mention, seeing Chris Maxapata in there reminded me of this, that I do a podcast of my own on the pirate ship. The Dr. Drew podcast. Please check that out as well. And, Chris, you didn't know this. We put together some LPs, some music for parties, for socializing.
Adam Carolla
Ah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Chris is a serious musician.
Adam Carolla
Wow. Chris is really good. I mean, he made me a song that I think he was hoping would get in the ham. I mean, the Hammer Road hard, but we already kind of filled up. But he's really. This is putting together. This is a. This is a list of. But Chris is really good.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
The point is, he's a great musician. He can pick stuff. He knows what he's about.
Adam Carolla
Talking.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Talking about.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. All right. Got a couple of phone calls. We got some.
Brian Bishop
Dumb and Dumber, too.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Kids. And I watched Dumb and Dumber last night. Just.
Brian Bishop
I long for the first one now, you know.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I saw last night was Birdman.
Brian Bishop
Oh, how'd you like it?
Adam Carolla
So good.
Brian Bishop
I haven't talked about it on Baldiwood.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
But it's a really good movie, so I got mentioned in it, which is Birdman. Yeah.
Brian Bishop
Oh, that's right.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Comes out of Emily Blunt's mouth. I was like, shot. You know, it's weird. You're like. It's like. Knocks you out of your.
Adam Carolla
Like you didn't know it going in.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I had an idea that there was no. I beg my Emma Stone. I. I had no idea where or what. Did somebody just say? Hey, you get a shout out?
Adam Carolla
What? How'd that. What's. Give us the context.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
She's talking to Edward Norton. She's a drug addict.
Brian Bishop
She's been in rehab.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
She's been in rehab. And he's like, what's it like? Basically, she goes, it was an okay place. Wasn't all Dr. Drew or anything, but there was a. Then she referenced some other celebrity that was in treatment with her.
Adam Carolla
Nice to be part of the zeitgeist.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That's what I'm saying.
Brian Bishop
That's a really good movie.
Adam Carolla
Speaking of that, can you. I know it's. Maybe it seems counterintuitive or to what you do, but speaking of the drunken guy at the airport who had to come back and reengage and all these drunken idiots we run into. Could we have some sort of booze academy where we, like, Teach people how to fucking be drunk. Because you are drunk in public a lot. I mean, it's concerts, it's nightclubs, it's sporting events, it's airports, it's airplanes. You have to interact with non drunk people a lot. I mean, you think about any given flight.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Wait, wait. It's for us to interact with the drunk.
Adam Carolla
I feel like people need to be.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Or the drunken people need to cope.
Adam Carolla
On, like, how to fucking act when you're drunk.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Okay. Part of it is everyone's a lightweight compared to you.
Mayra Amit
Well.
Adam Carolla
But the first thing you need to understand is you are drunk.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah. We need the Allison Rosen Booze Academy.
Adam Carolla
I agree.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You're the headmistress at the Allison Rosen Booze Academy.
Allison Rosen
I love it. It's like Facts of Life.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Like if you. If you spot somebody from basic cable and you would like to buy them a cocktail at 7:52 in the morning, remember you're drunk. That's fine.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Remember you're drunk when you go talk to them.
Adam Carolla
But when they drink the first cocktail, don't become belligerent and angry. When they don't take the second cocktail 11 minutes later.
Brian Bishop
And when they refuse the second cocktail, don't look at them and say, man. Show.
Adam Carolla
Huh? Yeah. Jesse, 27, Phoenix. Let's see. I'll try that. Jesse, you there? Let me try this again. Tried it.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
There she is.
Adam Carolla
Wait, Jan, Jesse. There, huh? All right. Is it now? It's always. Here's how it works every time. Yeah, you're right. But I've checked everything and it should totally be working. Right?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Jesse went to the bathroom.
Adam Carolla
Got a. No, no, I'm not hearing anything. All right, try it again. Try someone else. Michael. Ace, man. They always have to. Why the appropriate pause, by the way, when you're trying to figure it out. Always that mount when you go, oh, none of these lines are working. There's always a extra Mississippi in there.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Just to screw with you.
Adam Carolla
Okay, now that's Jesse. That was Jesse. Jesse wants to know when Kimmel goes to commercial breaks, usually leans over and talks to guests. What he usually sang right before you go to commercial. In my experience, you're hearing one of two things. Good job or funny stuff.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That was funny. Yeah. He normally leans up and goes, that's funny.
Adam Carolla
Or he goes, shitty audio, you know, which means not funny, not your fault, but don't worry about it.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's funny that that question came up because I was thinking for some bizarre reason, had a thought this morning about something he said to me. I don't have any Idea why during commercial break, he's. He leaned in. It was right when HLN launched. And he said, well, now it's. You're on TV now it's just a daily show. It's like, it's game on now.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's a job, man.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's like.
Allison Rosen
What did he mean by that?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's hard work to put on a show on every day, and I knew.
Brian Bishop
How to work the fuck out of my way.
Adam Carolla
That's what I heard.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
But it was. It was. It was not. He was encouraging at the same time, but, like, you know, welcome to the club was a little bit what it was, and good luck, you know.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it is. It is a grind. Any Daily Show, Jimmy probably has 200 people working at that place. I mean, it is crazy.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Behind was crazy with our thing. We do it with like 11.
Adam Carolla
Well, the certain point, I believe there's diminishing returns. Once you get too many people running around that place, it gets more and more complicated.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Life changes. We had almost 70.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
For a daily daytime show.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. All right, now, where was Michael? Michael, I think this might be. Yes, sir. What's. You got a question, Michael? Yes, sir. I was just calling, wondering. I know over the years, in the Loveline days, he used to tease Drew about pushing his kids too much, pushing them too hard. And recently, even mentioning Sonny is being preoccupied on moving the needle, I was wondering, are you worried that maybe you're pushing him too hard now? He's just trying to impress me, really, by saying something that Mike August would say to me. But I am. And Drew's gonna hate this, but, you know, kids are in, I don't know, third grade, and it's like. Like bunch of homework every night, and it's a fucking hassle. It's like. It's a hassle for them.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Good thing you don't do it.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, no, I farm it out, but it takes up everyone else. What's that? Yeah, but she can't make sure these.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Kids finish their homework.
Adam Carolla
Get to the fucking blue apron. Chop, chop. Enough of the fucking long division. The two hours of homework that is put upon the family.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Just thinking, an educated Adam Carollo would have done it.
Adam Carolla
Makes a lot of. No, here's what it is. It's a lot of art. It's a lot of, you know, first off, it's a lot of. Did you do your home? Did you do your home? Let me check that. What do you got? What do you got? Let me check. What else do you have? What else did they. Is this everything? Did you bring everything, Natalia? You got everything, Sonny? You don't look like you got everything. Where's your folder? Where's your stuff? When's this stuff due? It's like fucking pre.
Allison Rosen
Organized organizational.
Adam Carolla
It's fucking eight years old. Are there some. Let him go to school all day.
Allison Rosen
And maybe Drew knows. Knows this. Are there studies that show that having that amount of homework helps them achieve more during the year than if they didn't have that homework? Because, I mean, they're. Are they really learning a lot?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I can't quote, line and verse, but obviously there's a lot of literature to support the way they're doing it. And it's not a lot of homework, Adam. It's not. Come on now.
Adam Carolla
It's more than I've ever done in my entire collective life.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Some. And getting kids to be able to complete tasks.
Adam Carolla
I've gone somewhere for eight hours a fucking day. Why do we gotta give him a pile of shit to take home? And it's fucking with me.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
They're gonna need fourth graders.
Adam Carolla
Where the.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Robert kind of hits the road a little bit.
Adam Carolla
It's a never ending. Sonny's got to read more. You got to spend more time. He's got to do this, he's got to get this, he's got to get that, he's got to get this. Who gives a fuck? He's fine. He's a million miles ahead of where anyone else was.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
What he's competing with. Where do you see the.
Adam Carolla
All right, the world. The point is this. It causes lots of fucking discussion and lots of arguments and lots of. Do you have it? Did you finish it? Did you have it? Did you finish it? And I'm like, look, you're eight and you're gone at this place all day. Can you just impart some fucking knowledge during the eight hours you're there? And then you can bring your little ass home.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You get the skills. I remember, like in. It must have been eighth or ninth grade. Jordan at one point had like a major project. It was some. I forget what it was. And in his mind, he was gonna get up in the morning and do it. And like, 8 o' clock came around. I'm like, where is this thing? It was like, oh, oh, oh, I gotta get it done. I'm like, what are you thinking? That judgment that they judge what they need to do, when they need to do it. That takes a while to develop, Michael.
Adam Carolla
Yes, sir. Yeah, it's quite the contrary, because Sonny doesn't do his stuff that fast. Natalia's much Faster. And then I come in going, what the fuck are we doing? Burying ourself in these papers. And all huddled around the table for two hours a night. This is bullshit. And then Lynette gives me the Shut up in front of Sonny. Don't tell me and him that the homework is a fucking bullshit and a waste of time in front of him. Because of course he's gonna side with you.
Brian Bishop
Everyone's undermining everyone.
Adam Carolla
That's bad parenting there in a way, but I'd much rather go out in the backyard and just watch Olga throw the ball to him.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
So, Michael, as far as your question goes, it's a different kind of bad parenting that Adam engages in.
Adam Carolla
No, I did. We did a little play action. We went to the backyard today, and I got him in a. I got to coach him up in his three point stance a little bit. We did a little play action where I play quarterback and fake the ball to him. And when he does the bad fake handoff or whatever, I tell him how to do it and he listens and he likes it.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Now we have a seat for him at the SC UCLA game. Are you going to come with?
Adam Carolla
When is it?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
A week from yesterday.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, I'm out of town. I think we are out of town.
Brian Bishop
I'll have to watch that game.
Adam Carolla
But everybody have fun without me. That's right.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Lynette.
Adam Carolla
Coin. Of course.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Okay.
Adam Carolla
All right. You guys all enjoy your lives. All right. Oh, here's areas.
Brian Bishop
A little play action.
Adam Carolla
We'll play action. Yeah. Oh, Jesus.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Wonder who that was.
Adam Carolla
Proud mommy. There you go. Yeah. All right. So there you go. All right. Threw the ball to the boy. No, I like that kind of stuff. Anyway, look, I agree. I want them to be able to go home and complete tasks. It's just he. It's just such a power.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's so important that he's such a powerful. He should learn skills in football because everyone, you can see just the way his heritage. He's destined for the NFL.
Adam Carolla
No. You know, I will say this. You can drop this off the screen if you like, Gary. I will say this, though. Drew. Tell me what you think.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Dig.
Adam Carolla
Dig. I want you to dig.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I'm digging.
Adam Carolla
Now, look, you know me. I don't like to talk about myself.
Brian Bishop
Just us once. Come on, please. Just do this while you tease us all the time.
Adam Carolla
All right. All right. I'm gonna keep it short, and then we're gonna do Bollywood and then we're gonna news, but we'll keep this short.
Brian Bishop
Talk about yourself.
Adam Carolla
All right. It's gonna be difficult, but here goes. I have a skill which is being able to hear what people say and execute what they say. If somebody says something to me a week ago, I'll pick you up at 7 in the morning. I don't go after. I don't have to check a week later and go, what time did he say he was coming? I know it's seven o'. Clock. If you quote me a price, I have the price in my head. If you say, here's the plan and here's what we're going to do, I'm with you. And I find a lot of people falling short in that department where I lay it out and it's sort of. I use the.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Thus the homework for your kids.
Adam Carolla
No.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yes.
Adam Carolla
No. Now, listen to me. I use the analogy. And it's not. It's more an analogy. It's right. It's nail on the head here, which is. I've played plenty of pickup football games where I've gone to the huddle and I went, listen, I'm rolling out to the right. You sprint out about 10 yards and start to banana to the right. And I'll hit you as I'm rolling to the right. And as I'm rolling to the right, I just see the guys back running for the left pylon. And then when they come back to the huddle, I go, where were you going? And they go, man, I don't know, man.
Brian Bishop
Saw an open end.
Adam Carolla
And I'm like, but 11 seconds earlier, we had this discussion about what you were going to do. Yeah, but I saw daylight to the left. Yeah, but we never discussed that.
Brian Bishop
Doesn't mean no good. When the ball's in the air, I'm.
Adam Carolla
Rolling to the right with the ball and I'm looking at your back running the other direction. And I realized people can't process that information. They don't process, they don't have a plan, they don't execute. And I think from all the years of playing football, I learned to execute. I tell Sonny, we go out to the backyard and I say, here's how you take a fake. Here's how you do play action. Don't put both your hands out and pretend to reach for the ball. Put your left hand above your right or your right above your left. Don't block it with your forearm. Do a thing where you take. And he does it. And then he fucks up. And then he. I said, no, do it again. Put it this way, do it. And then he does it the correct way. And Then eight times later, he'll fuck up. And I go, come back. Don't go out. Come back. Do it, do it again. And he's getting coached up like he's getting. He's following instructions. He's processing and hearing this stuff.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Sports are important. I agree.
Adam Carolla
And in a way, that skill at least has served me, I think, better than the homework did. So there's some room for homework.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
So there's no controlled example in your case.
Adam Carolla
I know, but I feel like that sort of environment where somebody imparts something to you and then you mimic that, or you go, you know, 10 yards and break out isn't 8 yards and break out. It's not 12 yards and banana off. 10 yards and break out. It's just a good skill to have. It's a little frustrating in life later on when you realize no one else played. But it's a good. It is good. Don't you agree with that?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah, it's social learning, in a way. They're, as you said, mimicking or emulating, and that's important. But that's different than abstract reasoning and reading and all these other skills that he take forever to develop.
Allison Rosen
Those get in the way of mimicking.
Adam Carolla
That's true. He'll be fine.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He might think for himself.
Adam Carolla
He's gonna land on his feet. Thomas, 30, Florida. Hey, man. What's going on? What's going on, man? Not much. Hey, Allison. A bald. Hey, Dr. Drew. Good to talk to you guys. Holla. Mm. Holla. I just had a quick question. I just got out of a relationship. I was in it for about five years, and I just. I didn't even know Dr. Drew was gonna be on tonight. So I just seen if you guys have any good advice for somebody that's been kind of caged up and is out looking for something different.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Why'd you break up?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you know, as everybody says, it's probably a long story. It's. You know, we. It got some point. After five years, we kind of saw we didn't have the same kind of interest. And, you know, after. After five years, you're hoping they kind of get interest, same thing. And that plus a bunch of trust issues kind of came up. We just both kind of realized we got. We got to kind of move on from this point.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And why'd you stick in so long before that happened?
Adam Carolla
I think a lot. A lot of it had to do kind of with a convenience kind of thing. We lived together. He picked a good time.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
There's never. Has there ever been a better time to be single. I mean, just. It's on your phone.
Adam Carolla
No, I know.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's crazy.
Adam Carolla
Kind of getting overwhelmed with it when I go on there. I'm just like, jesus Christ. I mean, because I. I've never been the kind of guy that dated. I kind of always found somebody either at work or.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Well, now you're gonna date.
Adam Carolla
Something like that.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That may be part of the problem. Just go out and just eat. I think the key is just go out and enjoy hanging out with people. Just go, you know, have pick people you want to hang with and hang out and keep dating. Keep meeting people. You'll enjoy it eventually. And eventually you'll meet somebody you really like.
Adam Carolla
All right. Yeah, I'm hoping. All right, that's good enough. As a Loveline in Florida. He's 30, single, he's fine.
Brian Bishop
He'll be on the line on his feet As a Loveline listener for many years. When I was younger, you guys always used to say, don't get married until you're 30. And that was obviously a rule of thumb as more of a hard and fast rule, but. But even for myself, I realized that once I got to around that age, 29, 30, that's when I was a little more solidified as a person.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Oh, you're just an animal. And you're a man under 30.
Brian Bishop
I'm sure Bill's or excuse me, Thomas, is sort of the same way. Like, at 25, you get into a relationship, you're 30, you're a different person. You've grown a little bit. Now you're ready to love.
Adam Carolla
All right, I'll tell you what I love. I love stamps dot com.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Ooh, me too. Love those guys.
Adam Carolla
What's not to? What's not to love about these guys? You avoid the hassle. The Post office use stamps.com instead of, especially around the holidays, sending a lot of parcels around. And how many stamps to put on it? Or do you have to take it into the post office and they're going to weigh it for you? No more. No mas. That's right. They got a special offer. Use the promo code Adam. No risk trial. $110 bonus offer includes the digital scale. 55 bucks, free postage. Go to stamps.com. before you do anything else, click the microphone, top of the homepage. Type in Adam. This is it. It's going to be one of those things, I don't know, like a cell phone or DVR car with an airbag or something like, you will use this. The question is, do you want to be dope and have another five years go by without using it? Or do you want to do what we do and go to stamps.com, enter the code adamstamps.com. all right, we'll post that. Instagram. You can watch Sonny doing a little play action. Bald. Yeah. You got a movie to review. Hooray for Baldwood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you start Spin bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit. Transform us to Hooray for bald awards.
Brian Bishop
Dumb and Dumber 2 is in theaters now. Is written and directed by Bobby and Peter Farrelly, the Farrelly brothers. Sequel, of course, to the 1994 movie Dumb and Dumber starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. This is also starring Rob Riggle. And someone calling herself Kathleen Turner makes an appearance in this.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Wow.
Brian Bishop
Long lost Kathleen Turner appearance. You watched Dumb and Dumber?
Adam Carolla
We watched it with the kids. It's, it's, it's a, it's a perfect movie for an 8 year old.
Brian Bishop
Absolutely.
Adam Carolla
It's got lots of just dumb slapstick humor in it and Jim Carrey always makes him laugh and he's got the rubber face and he's from, they know him from Pet. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. So they're all up, they're all up in that. And I, I also have a weird sort of relationship with the movie because I realized it came out in 94. Came out probably later. 94. And I was in show business for like a minute and a half. I think I just, I got signed by William Morris or something and somebody like invited me to come see the screener of the movie, whatever it was from the guy from the Valley with his jack off buddies. There was just a big deal to go down December 94. So I got in basically April, May 94. So it just, just got signed. It's like, oh, you get to see this movie. So I was, it's has. I have fond memories of it.
Brian Bishop
And you liked it at the time or you come to like.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, I, I liked it at the time. My kids enjoyed it. I watch it now. It's weird how, how dated things get with like a lot of phone booth humor and stuff like that. You know, it was like right at that time, before the cell phone and all that kind of stuff and how yellow everyone's teeth were and stuff like that.
Brian Bishop
Not iridescent white.
Adam Carolla
Right. But you know, like some good slapstick stuff in there and held My interest.
Brian Bishop
Yeah, good for good dumb humor. No pun intended. It's just good dumb fun. I love the Farrelly brothers, or at least did. I don't think anyone's ever broken out out of the gates with three better comedies than Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin and There's Something About Mary and that's coming out. That's the first three movies, and those are three great comedies, in my opinion. I still remember when There's Something About Mary came out. I saw in the theaters, and it was pandemonium in the packed theater that I saw. And I miss entire lines of dialogue. Not words here and there, lines of dialogue, because the laughter was rolling through.
Adam Carolla
The theater and Magic Johnson theater.
Brian Bishop
Anyhow, so I was okay.
Adam Carolla
Speaking of football by movie called Dumb and Dumber two that didn't live up to your expectations.
Brian Bishop
Has anyone seen it, by the way?
Adam Carolla
Okay, Matt, has somebody. Somebody told me to tell you to take it easy. I can't remember if they. Oh, I think somebody tweeted me today.
Brian Bishop
Take it easy on the movie.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Brian Bishop
I don't like talking shit about movies. I want. I want every movie to be good that I see. I want to walk in and say, man, that was so much better than I thought was going to be. I can't say that.
Adam Carolla
No.
Brian Bishop
Do you know that feeling? Remember when you. Speaking of football, you used to play football, and maybe. Maybe if your team wasn't so good, or maybe you were going to play the powerhouse of the league. And at the beginning of the week, you're like, we're getting our asses kicked. This isn't going to work. And then maybe you got a little more confidence as the week went on. You're like, oh, we could pull this one out. If things can be run. Maybe we get a good kickoff return. Or maybe things could go our way.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Brian Bishop
And then the game starts and the other team runs a kickoff back for a touchdown. Like, nope, this is going to suck.
Adam Carolla
Yes. That used to happen quite a bit. You have that feeling, right? It's like we're playing Canoga Park. They're seven and, oh, we're one and six. Fuck them. We're going at it. They've not dealt with me before. And then three snaps into it, you're like, oh, yeah, we're gonna get our asses handed to us.
Brian Bishop
So. I'd heard horrible things about this. Matt actually walked out of. This movie is getting 27% on Rotten Tomatoes. However, there was a really good trailer. Undeniably, I think the trailer was really good. So I was like there could be some good jokes in here. Three minutes in, I'm like, this is gonna be rough. And it's an hour and 50 minute long movie.
Adam Carolla
Is it?
Brian Bishop
It's interminably long.
Adam Carolla
Well, first off, how can you fuck this up? Unless there's something that's off putting about seeing the age of the actors or where they're at in their career lives or something like that. Because other than that, it's a lot of just, you know, some of the jokes, like in the first one, you know, she's like, oh yeah, my girlfriend. And she dumped me. She wrote me a John Deere letter. All right, it's funny. But I've also seen standups do that job, that joke 10 years earlier. Like a lot of these are just kind of those jokes. You can pepper it with those kind of jokes. How the fuck can you fuck that up?
Brian Bishop
Funny you mentioned the old thing because I wrote down like, this is really more of a depressing movie than a bad movie because you're depressed. Like all these actors just look so tired and old.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Who particular?
Brian Bishop
The stars, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. And not that they looked aged, they looked out of touch. Like out of touch with reality. Out of touch with what's funny. One comedic premise after another just falls flat. The setups just fall off their face.
Adam Carolla
Was this nothing but a money grab by those two?
Brian Bishop
It had to be. There's nothing inspired. There's not a. I'm trying to be fair.
Adam Carolla
Did you like it or didn't you like it?
Brian Bishop
I'll get to my grade at the end. Thank you very much.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Birdman is dead. Because in a way, Birdman was about the same thing. An actor's out of touch.
Brian Bishop
There's a movie out called Birdman starring Michael Keaton and it is really, really good. And Drew saw it, saw Birdman. It's really good.
Adam Carolla
You should see that instead.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's one giant long take.
Brian Bishop
I think Birdman and Dumb and Dumber2 are self selecting audiences. You know what I mean? The people who want to go, Steve, Dumb and Dumber two, I don't feel.
Adam Carolla
Like are gonna enjoy heard critics have it at 15%. It's pretty bad on Rotten Tomatoes, but I think it cleaned up at the box office.
Brian Bishop
I think it's number one.
Adam Carolla
I think it was number one at the box office.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Did what they set out to to do.
Adam Carolla
I watched Undefeated last night.
Brian Bishop
The documentary.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, the high school movie. Yeah, it's nothing better.
Brian Bishop
It's great.
Adam Carolla
It's from.
Brian Bishop
It's the one.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's we talked as coach.
Brian Bishop
The dusty moment at the end.
Adam Carolla
It's all when he's. Anytime. 2 husky white guy and a husky black guy hug and tears start. Black people are better at crying. Wow.
Brian Bishop
The single teardrop.
Adam Carolla
They do the single. They. My stuff comes out of the side. Theirs comes out of the middle.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Looks much better.
Adam Carolla
It's better for camera. They're not being racist. I'm paying them a compliment.
Brian Bishop
Is there anything better than the single teardrop on the black man's face during the national anthem?
Adam Carolla
They're better criers than we are. There are. They're genetically superior that way. Ours come out the side. Theirs come right. This guy's 320 pounds. He has the one. He's hugging the white coat. Just a one single tear.
Brian Bishop
He's trying to look stoic.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, just roll right down the center cheek there. Yeah.
Brian Bishop
So see? Undefeated. See Birdman. Don't. Don't See.
Adam Carolla
Hooray for Bounty. Ward.
Allison Rosen
I have a question for Drew. You said that Birdman is one long take. What do you mean?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
The conceit is you're just following people around on these two, three days, sort.
Brian Bishop
Of like rope, like the Hitchcock.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And it never stops. There's no, like, cut to, right.
Brian Bishop
It's all just the illusion is that the camera never stops. They go to, like. They go into people's backs so they can have, like a pretend cut. You know what I mean? But it's for all intents, you'll follow.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
One character, then the next character, and then the next one back to the Birdman. It's really interesting. Really so well acted.
Adam Carolla
I. Now I'm gonna see it. Hey, I've been just watching. I watched.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I was a Michael Keaton fan before, too, by the way.
Brian Bishop
Edward Norton was the best part of.
Adam Carolla
The movie, I thought.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Michael Keaton.
Adam Carolla
Well, they're both great.
Brian Bishop
They're both great.
Adam Carolla
I watched a nice Hitler documentary on gis that were put in concentration camps. Little known. I didn't know.
Brian Bishop
Probably more laughs than dummy number two.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
These were prisoner of war camps fundamentally, weren't they? Originally.
Adam Carolla
They had a few camps. They had basically the death camps. I mean, there was this sort of. Their plan was, you can go this way and go into an oven and you can go that way, and you can go do hard labor until you die. Because, you know, good luck digging a mine shaft on 400 calories a day with dysentery and lice. And their whole thing was, we're not really gonna feed you. We'll just work you. And then when you Die. You just die.
Allison Rosen
It's all parts of the Jews.
Adam Carolla
Yes, that'll be it. No, these were GIs. These were American GIs. They wanted to find the Jews in the group. And the thing that's tough is your dog tags, have your stuff stamped so they can bury you properly. And of course, the crafty Germans were looking at that. And as I always said, whenever you see one of these Holocaust things, you're just like, we should bomb them again. We really should. Well, they didn't get enough shit they're fucking.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Isn't it really more appropriate to go, okay, it's a new. Multiple generations later, we have our new version. It's in another part of the world. ISIL is really the same thing. It's that people have bought on to this crazy thing.
Adam Carolla
It's brutal and horrible. I got a better plan. Yeah, I'm hearing you, but I'm thinking my own thoughts because I didn't do homework. All right, Germany. You got to clean up this whole ISIL bullshit thing. Yes. You fucking owe us.
Brian Bishop
Okay.
Adam Carolla
Okay, now let's.
Brian Bishop
Your debt.
Adam Carolla
Make it your debt. Well, you got a fucking tab? Yeah.
Brian Bishop
You're on the minus side of the ledger.
Adam Carolla
They did the whole thing where it's like. And nothing was worse than Hungary. They pulled those trains, those cattle trains right into Hungary. And I was thinking about my poor grandpa and his brother Bela and Boogie and everybody. And it loaded them right on up and right on, right? And by the way, didn't go in from the train and take a few weeks to acclimate to the new environment. Just got off the train, got into the oven.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Why Hungary?
Adam Carolla
Send the next train. I don't know why they were taking it out on Hungary, but I don't know if it's a sort of convenience thing, a location thing, whatever it was.
Allison Rosen
Well, what year was. Was it a desperate end of the war thing at that point?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I mean, we're probably getting a 44, 45. They have the ghettos there, and it's easy pickings. They load all the Jews up into the carts and they put them all into the cattle and they just take them and they just get right off. And I guess unless you're 14 and male, looks kind of virile and strong if you're a woman or a child or a man who's, you know. Right, right, Go. Go to the oven and that. You watch that and you go, God damn. I mean, you think about. But as I think about my grandfather, imagine for us, it's a bunch of black and white footage and it's kind of this million years away and it's almost like looking at a cartoon. But imagine my grandfather is just living in Hungary and he's got his sister and he has his family and his business and his stuff. And all of a sudden these guys just start coming in. And it's not like, well, we're going to seize your property or you're going to have to go to this Japanese American internment camp and we're gonna take your property, we'll let you go and we're done. We'll fuck with you. But no, no, we're going to an oven. We're getting on a train, we're going to an oven. And you're probably just like thinking like, how's this helping you win the war? You're burning all these fucking calories. Yeah.
Brian Bishop
If anything, it's distracting.
Adam Carolla
You got a whole bunch of war effort guards that should be up on the front lines and they're all, all they're doing is valuable resources, valuable. So you can make sure that I die. And then, by the way, the war ends in nine months. But the nine year old boy's all gonna fucking die. Everyone's gonna die. And then the war will end in four months or nine months or whatever things are liberated. Like, how fucking pissed would you be first off? How insane is it? And then how pissed? Okay, so the isil, ISIS thing, I'm all for this. Let's just say to everyone, let's agree to what the tab is, the societal tab. You've run up Germany, you've run up a pretty good tab. Pretty good tab. And I would say that, you know, after we'd won the war, it's not like we moved in and took every place. You know, we got you back up on your feet now. We buy plenty of BMWs and Audis. You know, I'd say we've been pretty good for guys who conquered you, God forbid it had been the other way around. So here's what we're gonna need you to do. And you know, we can. I'll tell you what, we'll close one Holocaust museum. Wow. For each, like sleep or cell, you take out or you disrupt or whatever. But look, you guys are Germans. You know how to fucking fight. You're well equipped, you have a pretty good looking army. You're over there in Europe now. This one's on you. And you know, you know, our friends Hungary and Poland, I think it'd go a long way. It's not gonna, it's not gonna heal the wounds, but I think it's a step in the right direction.
Brian Bishop
I'll put a good word in. For sure.
Allison Rosen
It's a good gesture.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Allison is enthusiastic support.
Allison Rosen
I'm into it.
Adam Carolla
Wouldn't we just kind of like that? Like, we'd all go, well, Germany, you got a bunch of guys you know how to fight and a bunch of good equipment, and you're, you know, over there. You're not in there, but you're closer than we are. And go. Go take care of your bar. Settle that bartender. Yeah, settle it up. Go ahead. Make amends. Why not? Well, why the fuck is England doing it? You know what I mean? Like, why are we in England? On the fucking hook. Let's go get France. Let's get Germany, you know, let's go find Italy. Let's go find the ones. Japan, we're gonna need you. Here's what we're gonna need. Poland, Sorry, you rolled over a little too quickly. I need you to step up a little. You don't have to be the tip of the spear. But first, let's just find all the colossal assholes. Brazil.
Brian Bishop
Oh, Argentina. All the countries that house all the Nazis.
Adam Carolla
You guys did a lot of housing, you know what I mean?
Allison Rosen
Maybe some of the old Nazis could get in on this.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, and it gets funded by Krupps and some of these other German companies. Braun, Braun. Mitsubishi was making zeros for Japan. You know, you guys got to step up. You cut a check.
Brian Bishop
Switzerland, you're neutral. Now you hit Hitler's gold. Get in there.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just. We'll do. Yeah, we'll get a whole list together of, like, who owes. Who owes how much, what the tab is.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You know, it's weird, you said about being, like, old black and white. Footage from 1945. You were born, what, 1962?
Adam Carolla
63.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
4 64. So a whole 19 years after that.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Think about that. I mean, 19 years ago, we were doing a loveline on MTV.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You know what I'm saying? That's how much time passed between your birth and the end of World War II.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Crazy. It is.
Allison Rosen
It's weird how. Simultaneously far away and a long time ago and historical, but also not. It feels, because it's another language. It's black and white. Like, you're saying it is a long time ago.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's not a long time ago.
Adam Carolla
The point.
Allison Rosen
Right?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It really is. Right.
Allison Rosen
But I mean, I think. Feels to us, people who learned about it in school, like it is. All right, then, you know, do you.
Adam Carolla
Guys like my plan?
Allison Rosen
Yes, definitely.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Allison does.
Adam Carolla
Well, I think I had relatives. There's the financial. There's the financial part. Like I said, a lot of the companies, a lot of the countries that, you know, harbored the stuff, took the gold. I saw Monuments Man. Okay, I know what's going on. The strict historical stock says Armenian. Franklin.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And get the Turks in there in.
Adam Carolla
A more assertive way. I'll figure it out. Just give me a globe and a bottle of Scotch and a Sharpie. That's right. I'll figure out who's on the hook and who's not. But I can tell you this. US Of A. England. Take a breather.
Brian Bishop
Send this one out.
Adam Carolla
Have a cold one. Relax. There you go. You know, Mexico, if you want to join in, as long as you're supervised, I think that'll be fine. There's no problems there. Appreciate the effort.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Maybe just send a bunch of workers in and play their music real loud.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Play ranchero music. Yeah. Canada. I got to do some thinking on, too. I don't think they're on the hook, but I'd like to see them contribute just a little bit more. But let's work this out. We'll get rid of this. ISIL and ISIS at the same time. Both of them? Both of them. All right, should we do. What do we got? A little news. Let's do some news. The news with Allison Rosen. Short. Read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison.
Mayra Amit
Allison.
Adam Carolla
And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison.
Brian Bishop
Allison.
Adam Carolla
Ah, this just in. Bill Simmons is going to be at the Anaheim Grove with us doing our live podcast. So that's December 11th. Nice venue. Ace man tearing it up. Up on stage. Go. Pass. So he'll be up on stage with us, and that's nice. I think he brought it up to me when I was drunk sitting next to him at Jimmy's birthday party on Friday. I forgot all about it. Then Mike August called me today. And it shall be so. Shall be. So. So look forward to that. And Portland. Still some tickets for the second show. Second show. First show. Clean, as they say. But second. Still a few left. So come on out, say hi to us this Friday. All right. Shall we do a little news? Allison Rosen.
Allison Rosen
Yes. Well, speaking of ISIS and isil, a new beheading video came out. It shows the head of Peter Kassig, an American aid worker and former soldier. And initially, it wasn't confirmed whether this really was him. They Were claiming it was him. But then Obama. Yeah. Came out and said it really was him. The video shows the aftermath of a beheading. He was 26 years old. Obama said, Kassig quote was taken from us in an act of pure evil by a terrorist group that the world rightly associates with inhumanity.
Adam Carolla
Are they on the surface of Mars? Because I'm looking at this picture. Is that a rover in the background, upper left?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I believe so.
Adam Carolla
Wow, they must have a great green screen there.
Allison Rosen
This video is a little different than the other ones that came out. It's a lot longer. It's 16 minutes. It does not include a statement by the victim like the other ones did. And there's some.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Why is it so long?
Allison Rosen
It shows other beheadings at the beginning. There's.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
There's edits in it as well, like.
Adam Carolla
A. Gary, don't show me any cards.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Like a beheading card. And this is the prime. The main event was Peter.
Allison Rosen
Yeah. It shows in graphic detail the beheadings of other men who militants say were pilots for the Syrian government. And also this one is different because it has ed. So someone got imovie.
Adam Carolla
It's like the AIDS workers. The people are there trying to fucking help out. It's so fucked up. And I don't know, Drew, what do you think? There's this. Every time I hear people who know a lot more than I do argue about this, there's never a right answer. It's, well, look what we did. Since when are we going over there? When does that do anything? And I'm just getting to the. I'm just getting to the. I'm just getting to the point where it's like when my buddy Chris and Ray used to go into the bathroom together and they'd invite me to come in.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You know, no good could come about, no, no, no.
Adam Carolla
I'm gonna get hit in the ear with shit. So you know what? You two go in there and fucking duke it out, you retards. That's my feeling. Like, I don't. It doesn't seem. As I've said many times, it's like, well, these are. These are fringe groups and a complacent nation or what have you. But it's like, as I've said, that's.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
What Hitler was, by the way. Well, he was a fringe group that took power.
Adam Carolla
It's your job as a nation. Just like we have a bunch of white supremacists who live in Plentywood, Montana, who think it'd be a good idea to burn the White House down. We don't let them do that. As a society. We will not let them do that.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
We shouldn't go.
Adam Carolla
No, I think, look, there is enough people in that society who agree with many of the actions of these people. They may not involve themselves in it, but they're certainly not policing themselves and they're not combating it. So they're at least duplicitous. Yeah. I mean, here, I'm happy to say, and in most nations, if a group just wanted to go on a sort of beheading spree, we, as a collective nation, and I think you could say this about most nations, would go, hey, we're gonna put an end to this. We can't let the lunatics take over the asylum. Well, they're letting the lunatics take over the asylum because I think the asylum is sort of with them or at least with enough with them. Enough with them. Enough not to do anything about it. And even when the people argue about it, Bill Maher, they're always like, well, this is a small fringe group, and then a much larger group of people who aren't doing anything.
Allison Rosen
It's like, who is it, though, that you feel like should be stopping them? Is it the citizens unarmed or. Well, is it their government?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
This is not gonna happen.
Adam Carolla
The notion that this gets traction. You know what I mean? That these groups.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah, but that's how historical events develop. People always stand by and go, how did this possible? Well, how did Hitler's group take over Germany? They were so reasonable people.
Adam Carolla
How could reasonable people.
Allison Rosen
Yeah, Well, I think Adam is saying, let's learn from history and stop them.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Well, that's.
Adam Carolla
No, I'm. Now, let them all kill themselves. I don't care anymore. We can't do anything. Right.
Allison Rosen
But you think that people there should stop them.
Adam Carolla
We. It'd be nice. Yeah. Just like people everywhere stop everyone.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You don't think they're gonna just head on over here sooner enough?
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
So we gotta do something.
Allison Rosen
Wait, is that what you think, in.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Some fashion there'll be something over here for sure?
Adam Carolla
Well, I think they'd like that. Yeah. Yeah. But then it's like, this is a.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Bigger, worse Al Qaeda.
Adam Carolla
But here's. Here's the problem. The problem is everyone says, you know, no boots on the ground, but something's got to be done. It's like, well, the boot. I think that's how you gonna do something without boots on the ground.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That's gone.
Adam Carolla
No, it's not.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
They sent over 1500 troops.
Adam Carolla
They're not troops they're advisors. Advisors or whatever. But the military basically says, look, when.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
You have an airstrike, somebody's got to be on the ground directing that strike. Well, no. Boots on the ground is bullshit. Just throw them at the outset. Or just planes. Just planes. Well, who's directing the strikes?
Adam Carolla
Well, no. A guy with a joystick in Muncie.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
No, oftentimes it's this guy.
Adam Carolla
All right, but we have a. We have a huge problem here, which is if enough people on this planet, in a nation or in a region, think a horrible idea is a good idea, it's going to be fucking hard to stop it. That's the problem. And our problem is we think, like, we think all the time, which is, look, just get rid of this horrible dictator. Here's a democracy. It's going to be awesome. Everyone can go to school, everyone can learn to read. You can pay some taxes and make some money and go on a vacation. It's gonna be great. They're not interested. And I think historically, they've proven they're just not interested in what we inherently know is good. And I think it's sort of like. It's like when you. It's like you go, you're going on a run and you're going to. Oh, no, I'll order all the food. I'll get just what that person loves. But it's all stuff that tastes good to you. It's all stuff that you like. That person doesn't like any of it. It's not gonna have any of it. And you can't imagine it. Cause you're like, what? This is? Oh, the sesame chicken is awesome. It's awesome. No, not into it. I don't know what the answer is. I just. I think I would like the rest of the world to really jump in on this. Oh, of course. But they never seem to. Everyone seems to be looking at us.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Either way, we're the one with the target on our back.
Adam Carolla
Is there any way that this is going, that we're gonna go over there and clean this up, or are we just gonna have to let them kill themselves?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I have no idea.
Allison Rosen
All right, so Kassig is the fifth Westerner whom ISIS claims to have beheaded via video. That surprised me because I thought there were only three or something, but there was. US Journalist James Foley, US Journalist Steven Sotloff, British aid worker David Haynes, hostage Alan Henning, and now Kasich. I lost track of a few of those in there.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And, by the way, torture these guys for years before they do this.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Brian Bishop
But Drew's point about complacency is the thing, because no one's. We're all kind of disgusted, and it's distasteful, but no one's really outraged. No one's like, ISIS is there, and this is what they do. It's like. It's crazy. It's a group that is beheading people.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And by the way, taking men, women, and children and just lining them up like they used to do the Jews in, just machine gunning him down and putting him in a pit.
Brian Bishop
That's complacency. A lot people are used to it. Now.
Allison Rosen
Who are the people you're talking about, though?
Brian Bishop
Us, I feel like just in general, for example, I don't see it blowing up. Twitter, for example, another person got the head is just.
Adam Carolla
Is right.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's compared to us, you know, another Germany emerges and people go, oh, my God, how did we let that happen? We'll never let that happen again. Well, guess what?
Allison Rosen
It's happening. Right?
Adam Carolla
All right. I just would. It would be nice if the country where this thing was going on would police itself a little. Little bit. That would be my wish. That's my wish.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Because, like I said, well, then these things wouldn't happen.
Adam Carolla
Okay, good.
Brian Bishop
Nothing to talk about.
Allison Rosen
Well, so someone like my response to that is, well, the people are probably scared, but your response. They kind of agree with me. Right.
Adam Carolla
Well, it has to get to the point. I would be scared too, and would be a coward as well. If everyone on my street was a white supremacist who was. I was like, Dr. Drew's got some Jew blood in. And we're going, yeah, let me get my pitchfork. Yeah, hold on. And I'd probably just go in the house and cower. But if the whole street. If the whole street decided to be a good idea to get Dr. Drew because he's got some Jew blood in him, I would definitely be right with him. I'd be in the back trying to. Doing the thing where I'm trending to walk fast, but I'm really falling behind. But I'd still do it. I'd still do it. But if there was one house on the street and they're like, let's go get Dr. Drew because he's got some Jew blood in him, I would say to all the other houses on the street, all right, let's go fuck this one guy up, because there's only one of them or maybe two houses on the street. But no, once it's spread out, the point is, it's not supposed to spread out. The one person supposed to go, let's go behead a CNN reporter. And everyone on the street supposed to go, that's a horrible idea. We're not gonna let you do that now. It's swollen up and yeah, you put me in the middle of Nazi Germany in 1944 and a half and I'd be like, I could kill the Jews. Yeah, I'm with you on this one. I'll help. Go. I think my grandpa's in Hungary. I'll see what I can do. I'll blow a phone call, I'll ping him.
Brian Bishop
Grassroots campaign.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. At that point, no, I mean, I'm going to fucking hide somewhere or do something. I'm not, you know, I'm taking one, you know, no, I'm not doing the Tiananmen Square thing. Thing. I'm not that. But let's not have it get to that point. Good people of wherever this is going on. All right.
Allison Rosen
Well, in lighter news, Al Roker now has something that you have, Adam. A Guinness world record. A 34 hour weather forecast or weathercast marathon. It's the longest continuous live weather broadcast, is dubbed the Rokerthon. And he raised $70,000 for the USO. And we have a little video of him being presented with the Guinness. Listen how hoarse his voice is.
Adam Carolla
After that gives me great pleasure to give you the Guinness World Records title for the long winded TV weather forecast. Al, you are officially amazing. Alex. It is now official Alex Engert, adjudicator from Guinness, thank you so much. Speech.
Allison Rosen
Just kidding.
Adam Carolla
Forget it. He's falling apart. Al was about to lay you out when he said 24 hours. So are you going home now? What do you do? No, I gotta stay here. But, but you know what? It's fun to kind of bask in the glow with. With my te.
Allison Rosen
And he kept his mic on when he went to the bathroom and made a joke about a live stream.
Adam Carolla
Good stuff, you guys.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Really good.
Adam Carolla
The don't you feel though, at some point, just like my kids when they find out about what I got the Guinness Book Record for, they're gonna be. You'll see the disappointment sort of wash over their face, you know, like, oh, Grandpa Al, what do you Guinness Book a world record for what? Doing the longest continuous weathercast. I thought it was gonna be upside down.
Brian Bishop
Bowling.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, something. Something good.
Allison Rosen
Super long fingernails.
Adam Carolla
Yes. Something practical like that. Useful. Crazy facial hair or something. All the stuff we grew up looking at. Being the fattest, being the tallest, smallest mammal.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That's really more what it was, right?
Adam Carolla
Yeah. We all like Al Roker, right? Yeah. Do we like. I kind of. I kind of like a better fat miss. Fat Miss Fat Al Roker, don't you?
Brian Bishop
Jolly Al.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It was the same to me either way.
Allison Rosen
What about Sharpton? Which version?
Adam Carolla
Oh, I need fat Sharpton.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I like thin Sharpton.
Adam Carolla
His head is going bobble on us. Yeah, he's gonna kind of dig that look. The look is he looks.
Brian Bishop
No, his neck looks perilously, dangerously close to giving way.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He looks like he seemed meaner when he was bigger.
Adam Carolla
He looks like James Brown shouting the word eagle. Just. Just yelling eagle as loud as he can. That's what his face. That's the shape that his face is taking. I don't know. It bothers me. I need it in between. He's too thin.
Allison Rosen
He has the lines in his face that look like Laura Flynn Boyle sort of eating disorder happening.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Ooh, nasty.
Allison Rosen
I didn't mean it to come out that way.
Adam Carolla
All right.
Allison Rosen
Wonderful physique.
Adam Carolla
All right, let's do one more cake boss.
Allison Rosen
Buddy Valastro was arrested for driving under the influence. Three misdemeanor counts of drunken driving. His real name is Bartolo Valastro, seven in Hell's Kitchen. And the best part is when he was pulled over, he said, you can't arrest me. I'm the cake boss.
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And he was driving apparently, like a lime green Lamborghini or something.
Adam Carolla
No, we're looking at a canary yellow vat. Oh, yeah.
Allison Rosen
Yellow 2005.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I mean, whatever it was, it was something that you're gonna drive that drunk around New York City, they're not gonna notice.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's always weird. It's always so funny how we have our rules. Like everyone agrees drunk driving is dangerous and whatever. And then we go, but if you're gonna drive that car, you deserve to be pulled over. And it's like. Well, wouldn't you like everyone who's drunk and driving pulled over? Only guys are sushi enough to drive. American muscle. I will say this. I have a friend, Dr. Drew knows him. Name is Daniel. He could have circumnavigated the globe. Tipsy.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
You know what I mean. Drives a Volvo wagon. Drove a Volvo wagon the whole time.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
There you go.
Adam Carolla
It's diabolical. Well, I mean, who's gonna pull that over, man? Show wrap parties over at the billiard place, you know, all nighters. And then he's in a Volvo wagon, which a safe.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
And to be fair, the way he's such. He's so Hard drinking. He basically doesn't get to the car until it's light out again. So they're not picking up some.
Adam Carolla
He's fine. But I'm saying, yeah, the canary yellow vet, not good when you're drunk. Volvo wagon. You know, cops, they're pretty much just like cats. They just, like, kind of look for a little movement. They see that vet, they want to pull that vet over. Lot of cops are car guys because they're just. They. They fit the profile for car guy. They're. The guys you went to high school with are, like, into cars. A lot of motorcycle cops and cops, they got into doing it so they could drive fast. They had the machinery and stuff like that. Cops will pull over really nice cars just to check them out. Just because they can. Just because. Who gives a shit? I want to go see that guy driving a Lamborghini or whatever it is.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Hey, I got to tell you, Michael Che, the guy we were talking about on the Adam and Drew podcast, the guy that.
Allison Rosen
From snl.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He's from snl. He does the news with Josh. What's his name?
Allison Rosen
Colin Yost.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Colin Yost, right. Doing great so far.
Brian Bishop
Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
We talked about him making fun of the girl. Was it the cat calling video?
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He just now tweeted us.
Adam Carolla
Us?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yes. It says what I do now, and it's a retweet of Adam Pearl defending Che, thinking, thinks on Che things. That's him on the Adam and Drew podcast. Is these hands now these okay signs. Literally, what I do now is. I think what he's asking us, what does he do in response to this?
Adam Carolla
His response was pretty good, which is he made a joke. First off, when somebody delivers a piece of viral content for the Internet, it is the job of almost all comedians and whoever to comment on it. Now, here's the problem. If it involves a kitten, it's probably no big deal. But if it involves something of a racial or gender or whatever, gay, whatever it is, then you're going to make a comment about it, and now you're going to get into trouble. Yeah. So it's a weird thing. So. So if somebody comes out with this video and he made his comment on it and then the last thing he said, it just summed it up to me. He just basically said, I'm famous now, so I guess I'll just be keeping all my thoughts to myself.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I'm famous, and I have a job with an employer that's gonna get freaked out by this, so I'll keep my thoughts to myself.
Adam Carolla
But do we Want comedians keeping their thoughts to themselves, even when you may not agree with them. And I thought that was the whole point.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Free speech is under assault like never before. I've never seen. Alexis de tocqueville wrote in 1822, a book called Democracy in America, pointed out that if you had a plurality that was going against you, you're in trouble or you'll get yelled out of the city square if you try to say anything unpopular. Well, that was his point in 1822. Now we have a giant city square in the Twitter, and people get attacked and they can't, and it's dangerous. You have a job. They won't stop attacking until you lose your job. What I do now, that's what it said.
Adam Carolla
Well, a couple things. I think what he does is he keeps speaking his mind, and I think we're at the saturation point to some degree where we're tired of the police on the Internet that are out busting everyone.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
He's right. He can't.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, he can't go on.
Allison Rosen
It's all over because I have a job on tv and if I say the wrong thing, you'll see to it that it's taken away. So the next time I have a.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Silly thought, they will not stop until they get away.
Adam Carolla
Finish reading the motherfucking tweet.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
What I do now.
Allison Rosen
So the next time I have a silly thought, I'll giggle to myself, keep my mouth shut, and post a picture with my arm around a more famous person I met somewhere.
Adam Carolla
Okay, Now I believe Mike, as I call him, good friends. If he should be able to say what he wants, and if he ever got shit canned from SNL for that, there would be a huge groundswell of support for him because I think people have hit their saturation point.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I don't believe he'd get. That's true. He'd get his job back.
Adam Carolla
Oh, no. He'd go on to sell out theaters doing standup and get an HBO show. He wouldn't get that job back. But I think there'd be a groundswell of support because I think people are sort of at their saturation level with this. That's what I think. And again, I don't know that that's true.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I want to believe that's true, but I'm not sure it is.
Adam Carolla
I want to believe that you know it's true, but I don't know whether to believe.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I want to believe that you know that I don't know.
Adam Carolla
I'd like to know that you don't believe it's. True, but I wish that was true. But I wish I believed it.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
What I do now.
Adam Carolla
He's a comedian, everybody. He's a comedian. Isn't he allowed?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Isn't he allowed free speech?
Adam Carolla
Everybody isn't allowed to say what he wants.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Well, go ahead and raise his sophistication, his choices, you know, really kind of, you know, why not give him some feedback, right? That's fine. Or give your community some feedback based on something he said that you found upsetting. That's all good. But to have to create a mob that attacks until somebody's harmed because you didn't like what they said freely.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
That is an assault on free speech.
Adam Carolla
I would. Yes.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Allison, you're.
Allison Rosen
No, I agree. I'm wondering how much of this is because of Twitter. Cuz Twitter, because of the short, you know, 140 characters. A lot of it is not.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's given the mechanism.
Allison Rosen
If there was no Twitter, would we have different thoughts about what's happening to free speech?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Assume there'd be some other mechanism, because this is some. This is in the ethereum. This is what's going on right now. People want to attack Twitter didn't create that.
Adam Carolla
Sauce is his sister's name, by the way. What I do now, so I don't know what you're talking about, but a wild coincidence. Well, yeah. What Allison is saying is now we have created a modality for people who can have to be outraged. Well, to do both. There's the part where somebody can sit around with a couple of beers in them on a lonely Friday night and just let their fingers do the walking and just sort of punch something out there into the universe, into his sister and maybe another ether. Maybe he wishes that he didn't, but it just goes out. And then we can all address it collectively as well. My theory is always that nobody really cares. They love the part. We've all had this schoolyard regression kind of thing where like, the one person's getting picked on and we all sort of gather around and go, yeah, get him, and all that stuff and. But we don't really. We don't really care.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Now you're getting the crosshair. This thing is happening while we're talking here. Now a guy says, if Adam Kroll is defending you, it can't be anything good.
Adam Carolla
Thank you.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
What I do.
Adam Carolla
Wait a minute. I thought I was racist. So what's up with you?
Brian Bishop
No, you are. You still are.
Allison Rosen
That's his point.
Adam Carolla
He's one of the good ones. Yeah. What's going on?
Dr. Drew Pinsky
We. I Do now, by the way, we discovered the birth canal to prison pipeline.
Brian Bishop
Oh, my God.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah, we've discovered it.
Brian Bishop
Cut out the middleman entirely.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Birth canal to prison.
Adam Carolla
Well, look, comedians getting a bunch of shit, commenting. Here's the thing. When a video goes viral as a comedian or somebody's on the vanguard or whatever, you're almost obliged to comment on it, okay? So now you're obliged to comment on it because you're young, you're on snl, you're a comedian, you're edgy, you're. What have you. You. That's your thing. Now you're gonna comment on it. And whatever your comment is gonna be is going to be something that's got some teeth to it or it's got some edge to it, or it's got something to it. Something other than right down the middle. Drew. Uh. Oh, now Drew's on the.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I'm gonna respond. I was telling. We're discussing this on acs. When does this go up? Tonight.
Allison Rosen
Tonight. Tomorrow.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
So, Drew, what I do now, that's what it's. I'm a show.
Adam Carolla
I was trying to find the words. I was explaining to these guys, but. And Drew's tweeting lost in his tweet. But. But vanilla. Pardon the pun, Michael Che. Vanilla is the worst thing you can be called as a comedian.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
Yeah, it's worse than not funny.
Adam Carolla
You'd rather fucking go out there and just swing for the fences and miss horribly than just have someone called vanilla. Well, that's what we're all gonna have to be. No comedian wants to be vanilla. So you try to be edgy, but then you cross the line, and then you get into trouble. And here we all are. My question for all this is, I always just want to see. I don't believe people are influenced like Drew does. You think people are influenced. You say, oh, he makes a joke about this misogyny viral video, and thus he's getting stupid people to do things they wouldn't have normally done. You know what I mean? Like, that's the thing. Like, we all go, well, he's not a misogynist, or, I'm not a racist, or whatever. Yeah, but your comments are doing or influencing people to do stupid things.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I'm absolutely fine with somebody going, look, you're contributing to a cultural phenomena. Let's talk about what this woman was trying to show. And however you'd like to do that, and as aggressive as you'd like to be with it, I'm all for it.
Adam Carolla
It.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
But to go get out the pitchforks, everybody. This guy's gonna lose his job or his family or his health. We gotta get there. Has to. There has to be. Must be blood, right? And that's the problem I have.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
It's so primitive.
Adam Carolla
He's a crip, by the way. But I hear what you're saying.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
What I do now.
Adam Carolla
Okay, that's racist now. Drew. Damn. Drew. DraftKings, baby.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
I'm show this to Alison. Go back with DraftKings.
Adam Carolla
I just want to sneak in some racial jokes, that's all. DraftKings, baby. Millionaires made all season long@draftkings.com America's favorite one week fantasy site. Ball. Brian, how are you hanging with your draft Kings? Good.
Brian Bishop
I'm in two lineups and a few contests this week. And I drafted some really good players. Mark Sanchez. Don't. Don't discount garbage time. Mark Sanchez team did not do well. They lost by like 40 points or something. But because he was in there for garbage time, got up over 20 points, so.
Adam Carolla
Also the title of our new ESPN4 Football Roundup Show.
Brian Bishop
Yeah, yeah, we can get that going. Garbage time with it. Ace man. Baldy.
Adam Carolla
Baldy and the Ace man. Why not One week fantasy. It's a new season every week. You pick your team in minutes and you're on your way to winning huge cash. One guy turned ten bucks into five grand. Another guy turned two bucks into ten grand. He's laughing at the first guy, by the way. And there's gonna be a new millionaire crown every single week@draftkings.com that's draftkings.com Dawson. Get free entry into their hundred thousand dollar fantasy football contest this weekend where first place takes home ten grand. Head to DraftKings.com and enter promo code Adam to play for free. DraftKings.com Bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter Adam for free. Enter now@draftkings.com that's DraftKings.com what I do now. All right, you can listen to me at Take a knee. That's launching today. You can get your subscription to amcarolla.com a couple bucks a month. Good for what ails you. Allison Rosen, your new best friend, Stevie Ryan. These shows available on Mondays and Thursdays. Alisonrosen.com also available on iTunes. And me and Dr. Drew. That's right. New episodes Sundays and Thursdays on iTunes. Dr. Drew Podcast. New episodes every Monday on itunes. And of course, the HLN show. And I'll tell you what. Go to Dr. Drew.com Dr. Drew.com and get all caught up. Remember Portland? We'll see you on Friday. Couple tickets still left for the second show. And until next time, Zachariah for Dr. Drew. Allison Rosen and Ball Brian saying mahalo. Let's go get Dr. Drew because he's got some Jew blood in him. All right, it was Adam. Corolla Show 1455.
Brian Bishop
That does it for this weekend's Corolla Classics. Make sure to tune in next weekend for three all new installments. Until then, mahalo. And get it on.
Adam Carolla
Sa.
Adam Carolla Show: Maria Menounos + Dr. Drew (Carolla Classics)
September 28, 2025
This double-length “Carolla Classics” episode features highlights from two fan-favorite recordings from Adam Carolla’s extensive back-catalog: first, a 2014 appearance with Maria Menounos (ep. 1441), and second, an episode featuring Dr. Drew Pinsky (ep. 1455). The show blends Adam’s trademark comedic rants, candid takes on life and pop culture, and long-form, insightful side conversations with co-hosts and guests. This Classics episode celebrates the show’s history of unfiltered comedy and debate, with a special focus on personal drive, generational work ethic, and the strange changes in social and workplace culture.
“I realized that if I was going to do a recurring character, I had to do something I knew, otherwise it was going to get old fast.”
— Adam Carolla, (09:15)
“I am so allergic to lameness… We are raising a generation of bums!”
— Maria Menounos, (56:21)
“Half of whether you like your job is how you do your job... Approach everything with the same vigor, and people around you will notice.”
— Adam Carolla, (68:54)
“Every day's your birthday... It’s unnecessary pressure that couples place on each other.”
— Maria Menounos, (76:29)
“Do we want comedians keeping their thoughts to themselves, even when you may not agree with them? That was the whole point.”
— Adam Carolla, (186:42)
“If you eat what you kill, then we’re cool. If not, you’re just being a hypocrite.”
— Adam Carolla, (95:04)
On Generational Work Attitudes:
“You can walk into your boss’s office in 2014 and just go, ‘I’m not feeling it today, I need to go home and have some chill and me time,’ and turn around and leave. If the boss went, ‘Who the fuck cares whether you’re feeling it or not? Get the fuck back to work,’ they'd be a fucking pariah.” — Adam Carolla (54:56)
Maria on Success:
“Want your boss to succeed, and they’ll want you to succeed. And sometimes you’ll find people that won’t—but anyone who comes and works for me, I want them to succeed just as much.” (63:08)
Drew on Modern Outrage:
“Free speech is under assault like never before. ... They won’t stop attacking until you lose your job. There must be blood.” — Dr. Drew Pinsky (186:42)
Adam on Comedy's Edginess:
“Vanilla is the worst thing you can be called as a comedian. You’d rather swing for the fences and miss horribly.” (192:20)
On Parenting & Homework:
“It’s just a power struggle—did you finish it? Did you bring everything? All huddled around the table for two hours a night. This is bullshit.” — Adam Carolla (141:18)
This episode is a full-fledge “best-of” collection, weaving together comedy, pop culture, generational gripes, and hard-earned life advice. New listeners will get a vivid sense of why Carolla’s podcast remains a unique fixture: it is unfiltered, brutally honest—and always entertaining.