Mark Cuban + Mike O'Malley (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Mark Cuban + Mike O'Malley (Carolla Classics)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Adam Carolla Show
• Host/Author: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
• Episode: Mark Cuban + Mike O'Malley (Carolla Classics)
• Release Date: March 15, 2025

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Introduction and Show Highlights

The episode titled "Mark Cuban + Mike O'Malley (Carolla Classics)" features a compilation of memorable moments from the Adam Carolla Show, showcasing interactions with notable guests like Joe Koy and Brian Bishop. The segment serves as a nostalgic trip through 16 years of the show, highlighting Adam's signature humor and candid conversations.

Notable Quote:

• [03:22] Adam Carolla: "Mike O'Malley's one of these guys. When you see him, you go that guy."

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Main Discussions

ADHD and Personal Experiences

Adam engages in a deep conversation with Brian Bishop about ADHD, exploring personal experiences and societal perceptions. Brian shares his journey of recognizing ADHD later in life and discusses the challenges of not seeking formal diagnosis or treatment. The dialogue underscores the impact of ADHD on personal and professional life, emphasizing the importance of understanding and managing the condition.

Notable Quotes:

• [06:04] Adam Carolla: "Would you like impulsive control?"
• [07:30] Brian Bishop: "I didn't realize I had ADHD growing up because the term wasn't widely recognized."

Cultural Representation in Stand-up Comedy

Joe Koy discusses the lack of Asian representation in stand-up comedy and how pioneers like Rob Schneider inspired him to pursue a career in comedy despite cultural barriers. The conversation highlights the importance of role models and the challenges faced by minorities in the entertainment industry.

Notable Quote:

• [19:15] Joe Koy: "I wanted to be a comic no matter what. Seeing Rob Schneider motivated me."

Education System and Patent Trolls

Adam critiques the education system's overemphasis on standardized testing, arguing that it stifles creativity and critical thinking. The discussion shifts to the detrimental effects of patent trolls on innovation, with both Adam and Mark Cuban expressing frustration over frivolous lawsuits that hinder entrepreneurial endeavors.

Notable Quotes:

• [24:00] Adam Carolla: "These patent trolls are destroying innovation."
• [27:36] Adam Carolla: "Everyone must go to college, but that’ll be a nightmare for this country if everyone does."

Addressing Catcalling and Social Issues

The show features a humorous yet critical take on catcalling, emphasizing that unsolicited remarks are inappropriate regardless of appearance. Adam and Joe Koy mock the ineffectiveness of typical catcalls and discuss societal attitudes towards street harassment.

Notable Quote:

• [32:00] Adam Carolla: "She was wearing jeans and a V-neck sweater. Nothing stood out about her good or bad."

Inspirational Stories and Tragic Loss

The episode touches on Brittany Maynard, a young woman who chose to end her life due to a terminal brain tumor, sparking conversations about the Death with Dignity Act and societal views on terminal illness. Brian Bishop shares his own experience with a glioma, highlighting personal struggles and the importance of autonomy in end-of-life decisions.

Notable Quotes:

• [87:20] Allison Rosen: "Today is the day I have chosen to pass away with dignity."
• [90:42] Brian Bishop: "I have a brain tumor. I was diagnosed and given initially six months to a year."

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Interview with Mark Cuban

Social Media and Headline Porn: Adam and Mark delve into the challenges posed by social media, particularly how soundbites and out-of-context remarks can tarnish reputations. Mark emphasizes the importance of having a robust platform to address misinformation and maintain one's narrative amidst viral controversies.

Notable Quotes:

• [126:10] Mark Cuban: "You have to have a platform large enough to reply because if you don't, you have no way to deal with it."
• [128:28] Mark Cuban: "It’s a social media environment where all of us are publishers, all of us are broadcasters."

Shark Tank Insights: The conversation shifts to "Shark Tank," where Mark shares his passion for entrepreneurship and competition. He explains the realness of the show, the authenticity of the pitches, and the importance of fostering the American Dream by supporting innovative ideas from diverse backgrounds.

Notable Quotes:

• [147:41] Adam Carolla: "Everyone loves that show because it's unlike most shows where the judges... deliver sound business strategies."
• [148:17] Mark Cuban: "Shark Tank is about telling everybody that the American dream is alive and well."

Patent Trolls and Business Strategy: Mark and Adam discuss the pervasive issue of patent trolls, agreeing that frivolous lawsuits impede innovation and burden entrepreneurs. Mark recounts his own battles with patent litigation and underscores the necessity for legislative reform to protect genuine inventors and businesses.

Notable Quotes:

• [170:06] Mark Cuban: "If you created a patent and busted your ass, you deserve respect. But patent trolls that steal ideas... are the worst."
• [172:24] Mark Cuban: "Innovation is crushed by patent trolls. It's worse than horrible. It's decelerating the American economy."

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Memorable Moments and Quotes

• ADHD Conversation:

  • [06:22] Adam Carolla: "What if I am to be thought of as good at my job? It's part of what makes me good."

• Cultural Representation:

  • [21:04] Adam Carolla: "You don't need to see people that look like you or have the same genitalia you have. See someone who's good and be inspired by that."

• Social Media Challenges:

  • [130:00] Mark Cuban: "We live in a social media environment where all of us are publishers, all of us are broadcasters."

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Conclusion and Promotions

The episode wraps up with ongoing promotions for products and upcoming shows, maintaining Adam Carolla's characteristic blend of humor and candidness. Mark Cuban's insights provide valuable perspectives on business, innovation, and navigating the complexities of modern media landscapes.

Promotional Highlights:

• Crate Searching for Father's Day Gift: "Check out mancrates.com for awesome gifts for guys packed in a wooden crate."
• Cyber Dust App: "Protect your digital footprint with Cyber Dust. Available now on the Apple Store."

Final Notable Quote:

• [171:44] Adam Carolla: "No matter what horrible reviews or preconceived notions they have, you guys make it work."

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This episode of the Adam Carolla Show offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on pressing societal issues, all culminating in an engaging conversation with Mark Cuban. Whether delving into ADHD, cultural representation, or the pitfalls of patent law, listeners are treated to Adam's unfiltered take on a variety of topics.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm her whole superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we put up best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics available through Podcast one Premium and the ad free archives available through Adam Corolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com make sure to subscribe to get ad free archives for this show, the Adam Corolla show, the Adam and Drew show and Adam's brand new podcast exclusively available through his substack Be thou and if you'd like to request a clip please email us classicsamcola.com alright, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have adam Carla Show 1446 featuring the great Michael Malley. You may know from Justified, Guts Global, Guts, a million other projects, hilarious super talented dude. Basically do anything along with Joe Coy. Same can be said of him. All those same attributes except for appearing guts and Justin, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe Coy in studio. Good to see you, Joy.

[Joe Koy]

Sir, just about to tell you that people are literally walking. Joy.

[Adam Carolla]

Just make it joy. No.

[Joe Koy]

Why stop?

[Adam Carolla]

Because it's joyous.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah, I'm not kidding you. You still do it because you spell.

[Adam Carolla]

It J O and you end it with a Y and you're halfway home.

[Joe Koy]

Tell me why that's a tongue twister. Just tell me why it confuses you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, I don't understand.

[Joe Koy]

There's a cake right in the middle in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, don't get it. I don't read. Joe is a common name. I don't know your name. Joe. J O. E is a common name. But the J O.

[Joe Koy]

You really need the E to stop at Joe.

[Adam Carolla]

I do. He needs the silent E. It'd be nice. The point is this.

[Joe Koy]

But what makes you drop the fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

K and go right to jail with two O's? Just like the friend. Just like Dr. Drew's wife being named Susan and my wife's best friend being named Suzanne, there's always the weird little hiccup before I say their name. Because once I have flip flopped them once, I shall flip flop, pardon the pun. I shall now do it forever. You see, if there's someone named Andrea and she says it's Andrea and then you do it twice in your head, you go back once you go back the other it is done. And the first time I called Jo Koy Joy, it was set in stone that I would do it another 86 times. That's the way my brain's wired. Okay.

[Joe Koy]

But the thing that confuses me is women are Suzanne or Susan. That's a name. Those are two names for. For a woman. So I understand why you're getting confused. I've never met a man named Joy.

[Adam Carolla]

You haven't?

[Joe Koy]

So, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

People just repeat what you just said back at you with a slightly condescending tone. Oh, you haven't? So you haven't. Okay. Interesting.

[Joe Koy]

Well, I just want you to know that my name has been legally changed to Joy.

[Adam Carolla]

Joy Coy.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Ball. Bryan, how you doing, buddy? What the fuck?

[Joe Koy]

Hey.

[Brian Bishop]

I had to play that for Natalie Taylor with the hashtag Top dropcords.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike O'Malley's going to join us at some point as well. He's got a. He's one of these guys that's just. I think Mike O'Malley's one of these guys. When you see him, you go that guy. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm already going that guy in my head.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Yeah, he is. He is that guy. I think. Yes, dear. Probably be this longest running sitcom.

[Brian Bishop]

I think most people. The cable guy now would know him from Glee.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. That's such a popular show in many years. Is the DirecTV cable guy. Or whoever. Whoever it was. But anyway. Now, Brian, I was talking about getting into your book over the weekend. Yeah. And enjoying it very much.

[Brian Bishop]

I meant to say thank you for checking it out. I didn't get to play aside and say thanks, but that's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, it's the least I could do. But I did it, you know, for. I was doing it because I wanted. I was looking for some entertainment.

[Brian Bishop]

See what all the hype's about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, see what all the hype's about.

[Brian Bishop]

All the noise, all the chatter.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know about your ADHD part.

[Brian Bishop]

I was just thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's something we never really got into or get into that he says. I was about to say claims he has adhd, which condescending sound like my mom. I know, but. But then I realized we never discussed you taking medication or anything of that nature or therapy or anything for adhd. And then you don't come across. And I'm not sure how you come across when you have adhd. But we never discussed it. It's never come across something. Well, Ann. Well, it's not the kind of thing that I would bring up.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not the kind of thing I would bring up.

[Adam Carolla]

But you worked in such close proximity with Dr. Drew. Well, first off people will bring up their. Whatever it is.

[Brian Bishop]

That's true, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

And Dr. Drew is a guy who probably dealt with that a lot.

[Allison Rosen]

He shocked by your tumor, didn't he?

[Brian Bishop]

I know, second billing.

[Adam Carolla]

But before that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it something that you don't want to burden somebody with, or is it something that you're trying to play down or. It's in the book, obviously. But I would suspect that you'd have more than One conversation with Dr. Drew back circa 1999 or 2001, about ADHD.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, here's the answer that'll snap everything into focus. I didn't realize I grew up. When we grew up, Alison, ADHD wasn't really a thing. No one really. No one talked. I never heard the term till I was in college.

[Allison Rosen]

You were just a problem kid?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, just a problem.

[Allison Rosen]

And then all of a sudden, Ritalin came in.

[Brian Bishop]

And then it wasn't until after I worked at Loveline, around 2004, 2005, and I was working at Channel One News when I discovered, Ah, that's most likely what I had. So it was after. I wasn't working with Dr. Drew at.

[Adam Carolla]

That point, so that's why. Did you ever have an official diagnosis?

[Brian Bishop]

Nope.

[Adam Carolla]

And have you ever considered any medication or therapy of any kind?

[Brian Bishop]

No. I learned to live with it. And I think in a weird way, it's. What if I am to be thought of as good at my job? I think it's part of what makes me good. I mean, I try my best not to interrupt. I do sometimes, and I apologize for it. But that's hopefully what makes me good at interjecting the drops and the comments and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, but Would you like impulsive control?

[Brian Bishop]

Interpulse control problem?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll give you an example. I never could read, and everyone thought I was dyslexic, but I never thought I was dyslexic. I just knew I was a horrible reader. But at a certain point, I got tested for dyslexia to see officially if I was dyslexic. And it turned out, I'm proud to say I was just stupid.

[Brian Bishop]

Congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

However, I promise that made you a better improvisational comedian because you didn't want to. You couldn't. Didn't want to. Couldn't read scripts, couldn't memorize, blah, blah, all that stuff that maybe regular actors or, you know, comic types would do.

[Adam Carolla]

For sure, for sure, for sure. It always works that way. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way.

[Mike O'Malley]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

I couldn't read I couldn't memorize the stuff that I was reading, so instead I made up things as I went along and thus I developed that strength. And you developed your strength as well. But I went and got tested. There wasn't really much they could do, I could do about my condition other than try to read more and see if I could figure it out. But if you have this diagnosis and it's self diagnosed.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, completely.

[Adam Carolla]

So would you like to officially find out through. And again, it's kind of nebulous. And someone could just say you had it just because they went to WebMD. And I'm not saying medicate yourself, but I'm saying just officially be diagnosed with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Interesting. When I first discovered it and even thought of the possibility, I was already 25 years old. And there's not much that it would have done other than give me that validation of, oh yeah, that's what was wrong with me all those years. Because people think that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is where you can't sit still or, you know, you can't pay attention for long periods of time. It's not that it's impulse control, it's shouting out, it's, you know, talking before, you know. It's. It's all that stuff that, you know, you're a hyperactive kid. And I was always hyperactive. But it was.

[Adam Carolla]

But you got. But part of it was, how is it that you test so well but yet your grades could be so low in a class?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I think you always assumed that I was a really good student. I was a really bad student. I never turns in homework. I lost homework, I lost my books. And that's a, that's one of the hallmarks of ADHD is you lose important materials. If you're, you know, little league baseball player, you'll always lose your mitt. And I was always losing my hat. Just losing, losing my glasses. Just stuff that you thought would be easy to keep track of.

[Adam Carolla]

Is your hair attached to it? Oh, my God. All right. Joe, I'm so sorry. Were you.

[Joe Koy]

I wasn't paying attention. I'm so sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Like the rest of the audience.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you. Now, see, I was the worst. I was bad too, but I wasn't even the part where somebody pulled anyone aside and said, he has so much potential, if he just apply himself, it's like he's fucking retarded. Yeah, that's.

[Joe Koy]

Move on to me too.

[Adam Carolla]

Hand him a shovel. Let's get on with our lives here. Like, it wasn't like. Well, I would test really Good. But then I didn't follow through with the homework assignments. There was no part of me that did well. I had a counselor tell me when I said, all my friends are taking Mr. Johnson's biology class, they're like, yeah, you're not. That's all above your pay grade.

[Joe Koy]

Fifth grade science.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He literally said, that's for smart people. Like, you shouldn't be going over there. So I never thought for a second I didn't have to reconcile anything. I was very consistent with my horrible grades and horrible testing and horrible everything.

[Joe Koy]

They even said if you exercise your. My teachers were like, just keep studying. The more you study, the more you'll take in and absorb. I would study for hours and I still couldn't retain any information. I was the worst. I was maybe a C student. That would be the best grade.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what high school did you go to?

[Joe Koy]

Henry Foss High School.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you remember that?

[Joe Koy]

In the city, taking a public city bus to school.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you remember what you graduated with? The GPA wise?

[Joe Koy]

I think it was about a one something. One point something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was bad.

[Joe Koy]

But I knew I was going to be a comic anyway, so I really just literally gave up.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you take the SATs?

[Joe Koy]

I don't think I did. I don't. I don't think I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you. Were you bound for college?

[Joe Koy]

No, not at all.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't. Did you try to go to college?

[Joe Koy]

I went to community college.

[Brian Bishop]

Your poor Asian parents.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah, my mom hated me. This isn't what's supposed to happen. You're breaking the mold, Joseph.

[Adam Carolla]

The shame.

[Joe Koy]

I can't even introduce you to my friends right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, my God, she was so embarrassed. All her friends, you know, their kids went to college and. Yeah, I was at Foot Locker. Well, Joseph knows a lot about shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the shame.

[Joe Koy]

The running shoes. He's really talented.

[Adam Carolla]

Now mine's horrible.

[Brian Bishop]

Beside your pre med for podiatry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's doing research for podiatry. Yeah. My mom was a legacy at Valley College. She'd been there for like 17 years. So there was no shame for Corolla to go to community college? Yes, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just surprised there wasn't any testing that could have picked up your high intelligence because, I mean, I feel like it's so obvious that Joe's.

[Brian Bishop]

Or Adams.

[Allison Rosen]

No, Adams. I feel like it's so. And Joe's. But I was speaking about Adam. I feel like it's so obvious that you're have a really high iq and even as a young person, I would Think that would be obvious? Just the connections and references and analogies.

[Brian Bishop]

All the tests are written and read.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I guess there's the orally administered.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. I guess that just Scantrons were for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The thing that was funny is one time I was in the room when the Scantrons were going through the Scantron correction machine, and it was sort of like a bug zapper. Like, they'd make a pop. They make the occasional pop. So it's like when Cynthia Nagatani, the smart Japanese girl, sat in front of me when her Scantron sheet went through. There'd be 71 questions, and you'd be like, pop, pop, pop. And I'd go, okay. She got three wrong outta. When I went through there, it was like lighting a brick of firecrackers. Like, the thing just said tilt on it. Like, I was like. Like a Gatling gun on the front of an A10 Warthog. It was just like. And I was like, oh, it was such a weird, horrible sound of just having the thing. Smoke started coming out of it. It needed a break. It started complaining to its union.

[Brian Bishop]

The wave to my flag.

[Joe Koy]

Smoke's coming out the side of the machine. Yeah, we got to unplug it. Thanks, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Give it a break. All right. Let's give it a break. All right. By the way, only Asian students for the next hour. It needs a break. White kids, Mexican kids, black kids. Give it a break. It needs a break.

[Mark Cuban]

And then. Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I lit it up. I heated up, and now it's a cool down period. Now more Asians.

[Brian Bishop]

They had to scan your test in the middle of the night, like, for a power surgeon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Cooler out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we do. We don't want another brown out. We do it off peak times, and it's cooler outside. The ambient temperature's cooler, so the thing doesn't overheat. Yeah. Really? I heard it go off like a fucking popcorn machine. When it really hits its stride, you know, like a Jiffy Pop thing. It was so humiliating.

[Brian Bishop]

The yearly fundraiser. The walkathon is to buy a new Scantron.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And, Allison, thank you for saying that. But, you know, the other thing is. No, can you just hold on.

[Joe Koy]

Can we impersonate the machine that goes off one more time with these signatures through the scanner? It's gotta be the funniest thing. There's gotta be a scanner. Oh, that's not good, Adam. Did you at least study?

[Adam Carolla]

It was. I was trying to copy from Cynthia Nagatani's fucking Scantron over shoulder. Asians are perfect for Copying the wall. Because not only. No, no. But what I'm saying is like. Like, let's say Samoans were really good students. Like, let's just go hypothetical, wild, outer space hypothetical. But Samoans were always the A students. They're too big to study around. You can't cheat around them. You know what I mean? Like, you can't go around. You can't go over Samoan's shoulder. They got the hair out to here. They got the big shoulders and the huge calves, you know, but the Asian woman is just built to just peek right over those narrow, petite shoulders and see what she's marking down on her scantron. Like, they're put on this plant planet for us to cheat off of.

[Brian Bishop]

One's built for offensive line blocking and.

[Adam Carolla]

One'S built for test chasing run stoppers. And you got the ones that are getting the A's on the algebra test.

[Joe Koy]

So that gave me a headache. That was so funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I really do remember hearing that. And it was like. It was sort of like a swarm flew into a bug zapper versus that every few seconds where it catches a moth, you know, but there was no interest. See, here's the thing. Like, you go, like, why didn't somebody go, well, there's an intelligent guy. Maybe we haven't been able to figure out an application for it, but there's obviously somebody with some intelligence. And so what Allison is saying is, why didn't somebody discover that? Well, in order to discover it, you have to be interested in discovering it. And there was no interest in. In discovery because what was in it for them? That's now you could say doing your job, but it's sort of like.

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of above and beyond actually paying attention.

[Adam Carolla]

They didn't, and my family didn't, and nobody wanted to. What if we do discover he has some sort of gift now we're gonna have to send him to some special vocational school or some sort of special training or college, or get him a tutor or, you know, he's gonna have to get involved in this endeavor, and then that's gonna be more time, better gets a shovel and gets the. To work and leaves the house, right? Like, for all. All parties. North Hollywood High didn't suffer at all. The Corollas didn't suffer at all. And I was picking up garbage on a construction site. So. Win, win, win. You did it very well. I did it well. But I did wonder, like Brian in those early days, I wondered why I was so miserable. I. Digging ditches, like, repetitive, mindless. You Know, like, literally having to count the shovel fulls to the wheelbarrow was full and then count the steps to the lowboy dumpster and then see how many I could count on the way, you know, like, trying to keep myself occupied. And everyone else was just going about their day, wasn't thinking about it.

[Joe Koy]

But I was a. They're called laborers, right? The guys that just do the shoveling. I didn't even have enough talent or skill to be the cement guy. Like, I was the one bringing the cement to him so he could lay it out with the. The paddles. They didn't even want to teach me that either. I had no talent in that either. I was like, what am I good at? Like, I knew I was gonna do comedy, but I was just like, were.

[Allison Rosen]

You good at footlocker?

[Joe Koy]

I wasn't good at footlocker. I was. I was horrible at everything but comedy. I knew I had comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

How much was the cultural thing? This has probably gotten to it before with Joe, but I. Joy. But I don't. I don't remember. But I'm going to pose this question. I'm going to do a spot, but I'm going to pose this question. We say all the time you need role models. Everyone needs a role model. I don't, by the way, know why everyone needs a fucking role model. My dad was a lazy sack of shit, and I just went off and did the opposite of everything he did. And, you know, it's not like, well, hall of fame quarterback Johnny Unitis is guiding my career or anything. It's like, I don't know why I needed or anyone needs to see versions of them doing something. I think it's mostly bullshit. It's not gonna hurt. But we overstress the role model thing. Pose a question, don't answer it. A lot of people say that. Well, you know, a lot of young ladies want to get into standup, but there's not enough ladies doing standup, so they don't know who to look up to, and they don't have a role model. But not a lot of Asians doing stand up comedy.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm curious how and if you thought it impeded you. If you thought it wasn't possible from a cultural standpoint, like, well, no one else is doing it who looks like me. Maybe there is no room for someone who looks like me. We make a lot of this in our society. But yet you become successful. I just want to know what your early thoughts on not really having that Asian. Arguably many more women doing stand up than Asians doing stand up when you were getting started. For sure. Yeah. And how it was. But so, Jo Koy.

[Joe Koy]

Yes. Sorry about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Without other folks that look like you doing stand up.

[Joe Koy]

Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

[Adam Carolla]

How were you ever inspired to do it yourself?

[Joe Koy]

Okay. I knew I wanted to be a comic when I saw Delirious, and I go, I want to be a comic.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I. Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy delivered, but he didn't look like me.

[Joe Koy]

No, he didn't. And then I started. I was addicted to watching Stand up, so I was watching everybody on. And then when Comedy Central came around, that's when I started seeing the first Asian I knew that did stand up was Rob Schneider. And I knew he was Filipino and half white. And then that just motivated me. I was like, oh, okay. So there's a guy that's just like me with the same cosmetic makeup.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was motivated by Rob Schneider. After seeing Deuce Bigelow going, this is such a piece of shit. Don't tell me I can't make a piece of shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyone can do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone can make a movie. After I said, Deuce Bigelow 2 European Gigolo, I was like, do not tell me I cannot make a piece of shit movie. And then I set out to make a piece of.

[Joe Koy]

I'm praising Rob Schneider.

[Adam Carolla]

So am I.

[Joe Koy]

No, you're not.

[Adam Carolla]

I am. I honestly, I've said a million times, I've seen Dennis Miller do stand up. And I have always went, oh, I couldn't do that. Like, when you see a guy who's really at the peak of his powers and just rattling off stuff that you. And it's all coming. Memorize 90 minutes of limericks and tongue twisters and you go, fuck, I couldn't do that. Yeah, but when you see Rob Schneider make Deuce Bigelow European Gigolo, you think.

[Allison Rosen]

It'S the highest praise.

[Adam Carolla]

It is.

[Joe Koy]

Doggone it. I'm trying to tell you one of the reasons why I was inspired by Scanner.

[Adam Carolla]

How did you even know what he was? Cause I didn't know what Rob Schneider was.

[Joe Koy]

Well, there was a Saturday Night Live where it was a Mother's Day special, and his mom walked out on stage and she was Filipin, and my mouth dropped. I go, oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

So the answer is.

[Joe Koy]

That's my mom right there.

[Adam Carolla]

The answer is yes and no. And yes in the sense that you saw Rob Schneider had a Filipino mom.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But know that you were drawn in by black man years before.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah, I was gonna be a stand up comic no matter what. Just seeing Rob Schneider was just, like, this motivation for me. Like, oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And this is my point, which is you don't need to see people that look like you or have the same genitalia you have. See someone who's good and be inspired by that. Really good. I don't need my daughter looking at other daughters and being inspired. They can look at your son and be inspired as well. I don't know why you have to pick your skin color. And I understand what's going on.

[Joe Koy]

He didn't inspire me to do stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. What I'm saying is you saw a black guy do stand up, but you saw him do it at a very high level, and thus you're inspired, which is the way I would like it. Instead of, well, you have to wait around until you see someone who looks like you doing whatever it is. Fill in the blank. Yeah. All right.

[Joe Koy]

Now, speaking of Asians, can I say one thing about the Asian thing? In school, my best friend William never studied. And I literally saw it hands on because I always stayed the night at his house. I always spent the night at his house, never studied, and literally would cram. Like when he'd wake up in the morning and aces. I didn't understand how he would ace everything.

[Allison Rosen]

What's he doing now?

[Joe Koy]

He's nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

He's middling for Joe.

[Joe Koy]

But. No, but I mean, he went to college. He got a degree and all that. I mean, and I just didn't understand. I'm like, how do you do it? He goes, I don't know. I just. I can just look at stuff and I memorize it and I just. I go in. So he had, like, this photographic memory, and that was any subject. I just didn't understand. It would. It would drive me nuts because I would sit for hours and hours and not retain anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe that's a curse more than a blessing, because then you just get really good at doing your best interpretation of a student. But it doesn't have so much of a practical application once you have to start doing critical thinking and all.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the argument against all the test prep courses and college counselors and all that stuff that just basically get kids so that they're able to go through the system at the highest level, but they're not really, you know, learning in the way that you're supposed to be learning in school. You're just learning how to take a test.

[Joe Koy]

How about this?

[Adam Carolla]

Adam? Yes.

[Joe Koy]

Is there business mind and Student mind, or, you know, education mind. Like a guy that's just really good at going to college and ace and everything. But as far as a businessman, the mind isn't there. Like, I know I can. My business is better than anybody out there, and I've known. I never went to school for it, and I just knew how to run my business, and I'm very successful.

[Adam Carolla]

And they call that horse sense. And mixed with wisdom, when you take a good solid base of well, that doesn't. Everybody should have a. Well, this makes sense. Well, this doesn't make sense. What are we missing? Like street smarts. Yeah. Mixed with, then repetition, which now you have. But the problem that Allison was bringing up was, how are we to avoid this problem when the city or the state comes down and goes, look for every. Here's the benchmark for scores you need to get in math and reading and whatever. And so now the school reverse engineers all that and goes, well, look, we got to coach these kids up so we can get this thing, so we can get paid, basically, because we need to get them to do this on the score. It couldn't go any other way. It's forcing our institutions to take the test score, be result oriented. Humans are just humans, whether they're teachers or garbage men or what have you, they're just going to go, look, we need these kids to pass this test. Otherwise, we're not going to get X, Y or Z. So go ahead and coach them up to pass this test. Sadly, that's the way it works. It sort of works the same. If you think about it, it's the tax system. You know what I mean? We have this crazy system with 10,000 or 50,000 or 75,000 codes. And we say, look, all Americans pay in, pay your fair share, do what's right and everything like that. But you guys have made too much paperwork for us now. And now all of a sudden, we're looking for ways to get around this thing. Because you've turned us all into this, because you've imposed this. So you start by imposing this. Here's the test score we need, or here's the amount we need from your paycheck. And then we all start reverse engineering. We go from there down, which is how we gonna get out of this or how we gonna pass this test?

[Joe Koy]

I got one for you right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Joe Koy]

My son's not doing well in school. Took away all his stuff, his, you know, his PS3, his phone, everything. He's getting a 2.29. And I go, you're not getting it back until you get 3.0. He goes, it's impossible. Blah, blah. He's. Now he's at 2.4. He's making his. He's making his move. And now I'm like getting excited, but he said something to me. He goes, dad, you didn't do well in school and you're doing well. And he goes, why do I have to go to school? He was getting a D in, by the way. He goes to a Catholic school, he's getting a D in religion. I wasn't really worried about that. I didn't care about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Great.

[Joe Koy]

But everything else, and I even told myself, I even told my son, I go, joe, you're going to college. I put money away for college. And these are all the things I hated. I hated school. I knew what I wanted to do. I wasn't gonna go to college. But why am I trained to make sure that my son loves school and that he has to go to college? And I even put money away in a college account form. Why am I doing that to him When I knew what I wanted, I knew I didn't want to go to college.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joe Koy]

So why is this something that I'm doing? And then I got another friend that put both of his brothers into college, and he never even went to college himself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but.

[Joe Koy]

And he became a successful businessman. And then he said, he told his brothers, he goes, you guys have to go to college. And I'm like, well, you didn't go. And now it's mandatory that your brother's going. Now it's mandatory that my son goes. I don't understand why that's happening. Is that society or what is that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, part of it. Society, Part of it. You know, if you talk to Mike Rowe about this, he'll explain that it's. It's not smart as a society micro or on a macro level to force everyone into college if they're not college material or if all the jobs out are going to be in welding and pipe fitting and all the stuff that we know we're going to need. You know, all the infrastructure things that are high paying jobs, by the way. And there's no shame in being a really good welder. You get 80 bucks an hour and you get to do something. At the end of the day, you can go, I built that bridge.

[Allison Rosen]

80 bucks an hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the guys, I did not realize, the real craftsmen, I mean, the guys who work on the old cars and do a lot of the fabrication work and really know what they're doing. It's well over 50 bucks an hour for the guys. Not to mention starting your own plumbing business or welding business or whatever. You can start later on. But, yeah, these guys get a great hourly wage and they're always in demand because our society is that it's tangible and it's always needing to be repaired and replaced and fixed and so on and so forth. But so the wisdom of, like, going, everyone must go to college, that. That'll be a nightmare for this country if everyone goes to college, because the bridges are gonna fall down. We don't. We don't want that. On the other hand, I think everyone is just playing the odds where they realize not everyone is gonna have a successful podcast and sell out multiple shows at Cobbs or Gotham Comedy Club in New York, Wilbur Theater in Boston, and places of that element.

[Brian Bishop]

For example.

[Adam Carolla]

For example.

[Joe Koy]

That would be me.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be me.

[Allison Rosen]

Wasn't there the idea of wanting to keep all the options open for as long as possible so that he figured, you know, so the. So the doors aren't already closed to him by the time he figures out what he wants to do?

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, you're the one making the decision. I'm just giving you some reasons why he might be.

[Joe Koy]

I know that my son has talents. You know, outside of school, I already can see it. I can see me in him. So am I. Am I wrong not to encourage him to go out?

[Adam Carolla]

I know he's gonna. Here's what I.

[Joe Koy]

Are you the same way with your daughters?

[Adam Carolla]

Son and daughter.

[Joe Koy]

Son and daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm always kind of a puss, so you're not that far off. My thing is.

[Joe Koy]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

They picked the wrong daddy. Because I. As I've always said, I was raised like a raccoon in a dumpster. And I'm fine. I learned. Everybody I know is as they were somewhere around the ninth grade. Nobody's really changed. Some people have evolved a little, some people have retarded a little bit, but everyone's about the same. You talk in the book about your brother, your brother's your brother, you're you, my sister's my sister. They're the same person.

[Brian Bishop]

I've grown and evolved, but more or less the same person.

[Adam Carolla]

But you've evolved into a different. Sorry. It's almost like. It's almost like a zucchini. It's a smaller zucchini now. It's a bigger zucchini, but it's still a zucchini. You know, you're still brine. You're just a An imago, that's the.

[Allison Rosen]

Name of an animal that is the same, like, looks exactly the same, but it's just little when it's born.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what you are. So I know that they're going to go off and do something, and especially it'll be a time when they can do whatever they want. I think my answer to you for your child would be in sports, if you have a weakness, you focus on that weakness and it makes you better at the thing you're good at. And so the discipline of your son focusing on academics, which is something that doesn't come naturally to him, is probably going to make him stronger at the thing he's already strong at. That's what I would say. And as I always say, in football, for instance, no football practice really involves much football. It's all just running wind sprints and doing drills and putting a truck tire around your waist and running with it. I was like, why? What's this have to do. I played 10 years of football. I never got to touch a football. But it was all a bunch of drills that end up making it better come game day.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we have a few phone calls. We have Jo Koy in here. We were playing the catcall video yesterday and it was like, got a lot of attention online, I guess. Woman walked through. I think she walked around for 10 hours through Manhattan. Semi attractive, right? Youngish.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know the details.

[Adam Carolla]

She was like wearing jeans and a V neck sweater. Nothing, Nothing stood out about her, good or bad. Just sort of walking. Lots of guys doing catcalls, but some of them left a lot to be desired. They're just like, good evening, half hearted, things like that. Yeah, it wasn't technically.

[Joe Koy]

How is she dressed, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

She was not asking for it.

[Joe Koy]

How was she dressed?

[Adam Carolla]

She was wearing jeans.

[Joe Koy]

Whore.

[Adam Carolla]

Whore with the jeans and a v neck sweater.

[Joe Koy]

A plunging deserved daring.

[Adam Carolla]

But I thought I'd play a little clip. Gary put together a little audio clip of some of the more boring catcalls she received. And I just thought Bung Lou could do a better job in the catcall department. And there were no Asians represented either, by the way. Bung. Not at all.

[Joe Koy]

Very polite people.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. But I think we broke the mold with bung. All right. How you doing today? How are you tomorrow? Have a nice evening.

[Joe Koy]

How you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Have a nice evening. Have a nice evening. How you doing today? Those are the boring ones that were in there. And I just think that would have hit the editing room floor if I were her. But I. I thought maybe Bungalow could toss out a few. I don't know how it would work. I don't know if you want Alice Allison to inspire you or. This is.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it looks like we have.

[Adam Carolla]

I can show you a picture of her.

[Joe Koy]

She should be happy.

[Brian Bishop]

That is not a plunging V neck, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think she said V neck sweater. I don't. I don't know. But, yeah, she's. I don't know. Oh, crewneck, she said. Sorry. So not scantily clad, but you can see the super offensive. How you doing today on the screen. But Bung Lou, I don't know if you wanted to try a couple.

[Joe Koy]

Like, if I was just walking down the street.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. You were, like, eating lunch.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Working construction.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe you're out front of your parents place that's got all the chickens hanging in the window.

[Brian Bishop]

You got your co workers next to.

[Joe Koy]

You, see cooks right next to me.

[Adam Carolla]

You're out there smoking, maybe.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, smoking, yeah. Smoking a pack of camo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Entire pack. You lit up, actually. Didn't even take it out of the box.

[Joe Koy]

That's how much.

[Adam Carolla]

One end of the box up and smoked it.

[Joe Koy]

Don't even unwrap it like you're playing a harmonica. Smoke the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here comes. Here comes the lucky lady with the frizzy hair.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, nice hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's good. Nice hair.

[Joe Koy]

Nice mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice what?

[Joe Koy]

Nice mout, mouth. Nice mout. Mount your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Your mount.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah, you want to put something in your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

You want a mount? What would you put on a mount?

[Joe Koy]

You know, the thing that underneath your nose? Your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, your mouth.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah, your mouth. What a nice mouth you have.

[Adam Carolla]

She's probably out of range by now, though.

[Joe Koy]

Nice mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Joe Koy]

What a nice mouth you have.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Koy]

Want to stick me? Want to stick in your ear? You try that. Stick in your ear.

[Brian Bishop]

Compliments work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You got to say something a little sweeter. You know what I mean? Yeah. Stick it in the ear. No, no, not the way.

[Joe Koy]

That's nice, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Not the way you say it, but the actual words you choose. Oh, I get it now.

[Joe Koy]

Can I eat your ass? Let's get right to the point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hold on.

[Joe Koy]

Tastes like duck.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Joe Koy]

Tastes like duck.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Joe Koy]

Wanna eat your ass?

[Adam Carolla]

Bung Lu, look.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, you fart.

[Adam Carolla]

You fart. What?

[Joe Koy]

I can smell from here. You fart.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Joe Koy]

Sagittarius I can smell.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you can't smell their shit?

[Joe Koy]

I can't smell your birthday.

[Adam Carolla]

No way.

[Joe Koy]

Sagittarius.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Joe Koy]

And vegan.

[Adam Carolla]

Vegan. You can smell that?

[Joe Koy]

I can tell Yo. Astrological sign. Sagittarius. And. And you like kale.

[Adam Carolla]

Bungalow.

[Joe Koy]

Very healthy.

[Adam Carolla]

What you're trying to do.

[Joe Koy]

Vitamin D. You're trying.

[Adam Carolla]

Vitamin what?

[Joe Koy]

Vitamin D, E. Vitamin D. Lee. Vitamin D, D. Vitamin C. Vital man.

[Adam Carolla]

Lee.

[Joe Koy]

Vitamin D, D. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Vitamin D, E, D, D, D. Okay. So you're trying to pick up this beautiful lady. You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Koy]

These are some of my best lines.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like in the ear and stuff is not gonna get her country.

[Joe Koy]

That's very big thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay, granted, but we're not in your country.

[Joe Koy]

Perfect size, perfect ho.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but what I'm saying is you'd like her to come back into your restaurant.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe for sure. And have a little, you know, order some soup or something where you could really kind of get to know her.

[Joe Koy]

Nice foot.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice foot.

[Joe Koy]

Nice foot.

[Adam Carolla]

Foot.

[Joe Koy]

You have all your toenail.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, Right.

[Joe Koy]

Even the baby one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they should, right?

[Joe Koy]

Want to eat your foot? Stick in my mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

No, see, again, my mouth. Yo, mount your mount.

[Joe Koy]

Yo, mount my mount. Yo, toe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yo, you want to eat her toe? But Bung Lu, remember, she's walking. Hey, girl. Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

Squat on my chest. Shit on my chest.

[Adam Carolla]

See?

[Joe Koy]

Hot plate.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Joe Koy]

In my country, hot plate. Very good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Is that what you call it?

[Joe Koy]

Hot plate.

[Adam Carolla]

Hot plate.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, steamy. Hot plate.

[Adam Carolla]

Hot plate.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's where they.

[Joe Koy]

Hey, girl, wanna sit on my chest? Take shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

Hot play.

[Adam Carolla]

But remember, Bungalow. She's walking at a pretty good clip, right?

[Joe Koy]

Oh, yes. Nice crew shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Crew shirt. Yeah, she's wearing a crew neck.

[Joe Koy]

Sexy. In my country.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so she's walking, and she's walking at a pretty good clip. And you just kind of whispering to. On your chest.

[Joe Koy]

It's not gonna get this real romantic in my language.

[Mike O'Malley]

This.

[Joe Koy]

This what I say in my language.

[Adam Carolla]

And that means what on my chest? Oh, okay. So that's a very big thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe this is why there are no Asian guys in the video. Their cat calls are more confusing than. It's sexy.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe they cut around them.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. They're like, we can't include.

[Joe Koy]

What a sexy body. Yeah. What a sexy body.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I you.

[Joe Koy]

Can I fight you? I fuck you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's again, it's. It's good. It's. It's a video that. It's really. There's no Asians represented at all Bungalow. And I just. I was kind of. Huh?

[Joe Koy]

Hey, girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, girl. Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

You smell good.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Joe Koy]

You smell good.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Joe Koy]

Want to kill your face?

[Adam Carolla]

Would you watch my face?

[Joe Koy]

Want to kill your face? Wanna kiss it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, kiss it.

[Joe Koy]

Okay, now face down the spine. Your back.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh?

[Joe Koy]

Right down your butt. Then you.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck, no. See, now you're kind of weird. Getting weird again. I'll tell you what. Bungalow, Sagittarius. Why don't you bring your friend Brown Sugar into this mix? Now, hold on a second. Hold on. I feel like brown.

[Joe Koy]

Hey, bitch.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Brown Sugar probably do it, right? Hey, bitch.

[Joe Koy]

Little Chinese motherfucker trying to talk to you.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, don't. No, don't. Yeah, well, what I'm saying, Brown Sugar is.

[Joe Koy]

Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, tell me. I need your cat call. I am, but I need it to be effective.

[Joe Koy]

It is effective. Directly to the point.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I know, but. But it's not. See, there you go.

[Joe Koy]

I'm just gonna walk around the crew necks hurt. I know I'm sexy as I'm gonna this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but see, put a sweat on. Yeah, but see, listen, Brown Sugar's all hanging out. Now, Listen, Brown Sugar. Yeah, you. You're single, right?

[Joe Koy]

Always have. I don't understand why.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my point.

[Joe Koy]

Don't understand why.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. I'm saying I.

[Joe Koy]

This white bitch is nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. She's attracted. Now, listen, crew neck, I'll tell you what I want you to do.

[Joe Koy]

You know what that crew neck do to me? You know what that crew neck do to me?

[Adam Carolla]

What'd it do to you? Give me all this shit.

[Joe Koy]

Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

You know what a crew neck do to.

[Adam Carolla]

What's it do you, Brian?

[Joe Koy]

Can't be hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Shit, man. Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

Work that crewneck girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

Brown Sugar around New York City in.

[Adam Carolla]

A crew neck, bitch. Yeah, I get you brown. I get you brown. You know what I'm saying? Nah, I like the laugh part. Yeah.

[Joe Koy]

What that crew neck, baby, she picked the wrong shirt at the wrong motherfucking time.

[Adam Carolla]

I got you, Brown.

[Joe Koy]

I'mma fuck this bitch.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Easy brown.

[Joe Koy]

For real.

[Adam Carolla]

Easy Brown. For real, for real. Easy Brown.

[Joe Koy]

You hungry?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, actually, I am hungry.

[Joe Koy]

Not you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking to me. Hungry.

[Joe Koy]

She could eat some Brown sugar, right?

[Mark Cuban]

About that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[Joe Koy]

Got a whole box of that shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Brown Sugar wants to work his way back into the pantry.

[Brian Bishop]

It's right. Move on up.

[Joe Koy]

Put me back in the pantry, motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Again. It's not my decision. It's white sugar. Powdered sugar and baking soda got together.

[Joe Koy]

Don't understand that shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they're just looking for an environment.

[Joe Koy]

Put me in the cabinets, motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

They're looking for an environment. They feel you'd be more comfortable under.

[Joe Koy]

The seat next to Nutmeg. That dark motherfucker nutmeg.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we let Nutella in here for a while, and she freaked out. Fuck that French. And she got into it with Nutmeg, and we had to kick them both out.

[Joe Koy]

Where the fuck you put that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now we sent Nutella back. We put her in the crisper drawer in the fridge, what I call the cooler, just to let her really think about what she did to Nut Master.

[Brian Bishop]

It was good for a while. She was baking treats for all the neighbors and everything. People liked her. But after a while.

[Joe Koy]

People like me, motherfucker.

[Brian Bishop]

After a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Then. Then after a while, try.

[Joe Koy]

Try chocolate chip cookie without brown sugar. Just be white cookies with chips in them.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. Christie does a lot of baking, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Brown sugar is indispensable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that word.

[Brian Bishop]

It knows the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Indispensable.

[Joe Koy]

What is that?

[Adam Carolla]

Means we need you.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Indispensable.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, then use me, motherfucker. We will buy the trash can.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's where this. That's under the sink.

[Joe Koy]

That's bullshit. Put the chocolate chips down there, then. Listen, what the fuck is chocolate chips?

[Adam Carolla]

Please. First off, the Nilla wafers are sleeping, so could you lower your voice, please?

[Joe Koy]

Tasting.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, many people enjoy the Nilla wafers.

[Joe Koy]

You gotta drink something just to give it flavor. I am flavor.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a little flavor of cookie. You eat.

[Joe Koy]

Name a cookie.

[Adam Carolla]

Nilla Wafer.

[Joe Koy]

Name a cookie.

[Adam Carolla]

Nilla Wafer.

[Joe Koy]

That's a wafer, motherfucker. I said cookie.

[Brian Bishop]

Got a point.

[Adam Carolla]

Say, I think it falls in a. Listen, name a cookie. I'm not gonna eat. I'm not gonna be dragged into this.

[Joe Koy]

Name a goddamn cookie right now.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Trefoil.

[Joe Koy]

The is trefoil. That's what you wrap cookies in.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a. No, that's a foil. That's a Girl Scout cookie.

[Joe Koy]

When you get something to go, you get a trefoil and wrap that shit up.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's foil. That's tinfoil.

[Joe Koy]

What the fuck?

[Adam Carolla]

Trefoil.

[Joe Koy]

Would you start eating foil, mother.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not.

[Joe Koy]

You a robot?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not robot you.

[Joe Koy]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Motherfucker. No, it's a. It's a Girl Scout. Gary eats foil. Show me a picture of a trefoil eats foil.

[Joe Koy]

Robots trefoil hey, man, pick a fucking cookie that you like to eat. For real.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I'm giving you an example of a cookie. A Girl Scout cookie. They sell billions of these a year. They do not contain any of you or your ilk.

[Joe Koy]

Name one cookie.

[Adam Carolla]

Trefoil. What the fuck is that? Quit bringing up this robotic shit that.

[Joe Koy]

Nobody you wrapped to go shit up in trefoil.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm staring at a picture of the trefoil right now.

[Joe Koy]

What is that picture at?

[Adam Carolla]

It's what people.

[Joe Koy]

What the fuck is that shit?

[Adam Carolla]

With super low self esteem Order. When they order Girl Scout cookies, that.

[Joe Koy]

Looks bland as shit.

[Adam Carolla]

It is fucking horrible.

[Joe Koy]

You know what that motherfucking cookie needs?

[Adam Carolla]

Brown sugar taste.

[Joe Koy]

Sprinkle some of that shit on top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Brown. If you would just.

[Joe Koy]

I hate you so much.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead and go back to your rightful place underneath your face.

[Joe Koy]

Can I tell you something?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Joe Koy]

No, just listen to me real quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, fine.

[Joe Koy]

I hate you, motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Joe Koy]

I hate you so much.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, And I respect that.

[Joe Koy]

I'm glad you do.

[Adam Carolla]

And what I would ask that you do.

[Joe Koy]

I asked you for a real cookie. You say trefoil. Motherfucker, am I dumb?

[Adam Carolla]

What? I would. I'm.

[Joe Koy]

Well, do I look like I have adhd, motherfucker?

[Adam Carolla]

Now what I would ask is that you go under the sink with the Drano and the trash and some of your other cohorts.

[Joe Koy]

Yeah, that I've made friends with Paul Mollop.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Paul Mollove's great guy.

[Joe Koy]

Cinch Sack.

[Adam Carolla]

Who?

[Joe Koy]

Cinch Sack.

[Adam Carolla]

And Bon Amy motherfucking Kane. Your Aunt Bon Ami. And you go down there.

[Joe Koy]

That's bullshit down there, motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, just go down there and I will talk to the Girl Scout people and I will get well. That's the attitude. That I. Fuck them bitches for real.

[Joe Koy]

That's some racist shit.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what keeps you out of the pantry. This is why we can't have your kind in the pantry.

[Joe Koy]

I like to eat trefoil.

[Adam Carolla]

I will speak to the Girl Scout cookie people. I will discuss trefoil with them and adding some of you into spiels.

[Joe Koy]

How much she needs me. Well, ask Mrs. Fields.

[Adam Carolla]

Miss.

[Joe Koy]

How much she needs brown sugar.

[Adam Carolla]

Ask Mrs. Fields. She's one of the good ones. Cook cookies ain't shit. Okay, now you've offended everybody.

[Joe Koy]

I'm upset.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna ask that you just go under the sink and I was.

[Joe Koy]

Good luck Thanksgiving.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll get you when we need you. Yeah, like when we're doing the candied yams. How about that? Ham and the ham. We need you.

[Joe Koy]

You like that? You like. You like me sprinkled on that ham?

[Adam Carolla]

I like the ham. I like the candied yams. Yams and hams. Yeah, so just hang tight under the sink.

[Giovanni]

Bullshit.

[Joe Koy]

I hate it under here.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a little moist. And, yes, the garbage disposal can be a little disconcerting when you're napping asleep.

[Joe Koy]

That motherfucker keep grinding shit up.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna. But we're gonna work on that.

[Joe Koy]

You know what they. You know what they keep grinding up in that motherfucking disposal? Trefoil cookies.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now just tell Brown Sugar, just go wait down under there. We'll come get you around Thanksgiving, okay?

[Joe Koy]

Adam, can I say something before the holidays?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Joe Koy]

Fuck you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this.

[Joe Koy]

Merry Christmas.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what I'm talking about. All right. Lifelock, baby. The Great Jo Koy. Lifelock Ultimate. No one can Stop Identity Theft. No, it's a worth supp. All right, real quick, a couple questions. Michael Malley's out there. Joe. Not Joe. Coy. Joe with an E30 Michigan question.

[Caller]

Hey, get it on. Thanks for taking my call.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, man.

[Caller]

All right. My question is that, you know, I always hear you talking. You know, you kind of call out the hypocrites in your town, you know, because of the, you know, runaway productions for tax credits. And I just. You know, I know you filmed Road Hard locally, and I've always wondered if that was you more taking a stand or was it just not financially feasible for you to film out of town.

[Adam Carolla]

I think when you're under a certain budgetary number, it's sort of a wash. And then when you factor in schedule and doing this show and so on and so forth, it becomes impossible. I love to work on a movie that had a type of budget where I could just go to New Orleans for three months and shoot a film. But instead I have 19 days and I'm in Reseda. That's kind of my schedule. So I'd like to tell you that I'm a patriot, but I'm not Joe. It just turned out that the budget is small enough. I think when you're under a certain number, they sort of. By the way, there's nothing for them, really, to get from you because you're not big enough for them to get anything from you.

[Brian Bishop]

Small potatoes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So they. So that. That doesn't. I don't know what the number is. I don't know if it's 2 million bucks or 3 million bucks or something, but at a certain point, you just fall under the heading of low budget, and you don't have to the taxes. And also, everyone just becomes like favored nations. All the actors get paid a day rate or whatever it is. Everything is just sort of favors. Yes, but thank you, Joe.

[Caller]

All right. Get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on, man. Somebody else has a question about designing my own watches. Jason, 52, Michigan.

[Caller]

Wow. Ace Van Allison, USC graduate. Hey, I'm from home of the University of Michigan. What can I say? Listen, I've listened for years. Obviously, you have a good eye. I've heard you talk about in terms of design when you were helping people lay out their kitchens, which of course, they ignored. The sort of thing that you appreciate in terms of the machinery that you do with the Paul Newman cars, with the cars you collect. I love to see watches are a real interesting sort of place where maybe you could focus some of those talents. There's a factory in Detroit. You get through here in February, the real season. You want to be in this town when even Russian poets commit suicide because our weather's so charming. But there's a factor here in Michigan that hand assembles watches. I mean, it might be the kind of thing right within a price range an average working guy could afford something.

[Adam Carolla]

Jason, I don't feel like I have anything to contribute to that world. There's thousands of designs, and many of them are awesome.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I tell you this, though? I found I did something I never do, and I never really finished a story on it, but I never would do something like sit on an airplane, read a magazine, see an ad for a watch, and go, I want that watch. I've earned that watch. I deserve that watch. I like car stuff. I like tool stuff and stuff. But watches now. But I looked at this watch, remind me, gary, I'll, like, bring it in tomorrow or something. And I went, this is a beautiful, beautiful. I liked it from a mechanical, engineering and aesthetic standpoint, a design standpoint. I went, this thing is beautiful. And it was like $6,500 or something like that, which is, you know, not as much as maybe a Rolex, but for Corolla, $6,500. Bought three cars. That's how we worked. I mean, I grew up in a family that literally bought $600 Dodge darts and stuff that were, you know, 17 years old and shit like that. The idea that you'd pay $6,000 for a watch was insane. But then I also had this thing where it's like, well, Jesus, you've earned it. You work, you're an adult, you want this. You can afford It. Get yourself something. Yeah, I got the watch.

[Joe Koy]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course, I never. I gotta. I gotta fucking figure it out. I don't even know what it's called.

[Brian Bishop]

I just shot Lynette an email.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll see if we can. Okay.

[Joe Koy]

I'm a watch fanatic.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I think it's something butcher or something, but I don't even know how to pronounce it. But anyway, beautiful looking watch. So I have. But then where do I go? What do I do? I'm gonna need the watch. But I got the watch. Fine. I got myself a nice watch. But when I went and did Celebrity Apprentice, I thought, no, no, here's the time for you to wear your nice watch because you're wearing a suit, you're going into the boardroom. This is the one time when you actually do get dressed up. Everyone who's going into the boardroom puts the suit and the tie on. And now it'll be nicely accessorized with this beautiful watch. So I brought the watch with me to New York and then did the move that I rail against and should never do and you should never do, which is I was booted off the show in the blink of an eye. And it was time to pack up and head back to Los Angeles. And when I got back to la, I went, where the fuck is my watch? And then I realized, I'm very casual with a watch or some cash or whatever. I'll leave it on top of my dress or whatever. People come through the house doing various things. I'll never think to hide anything or put it away or whatever. Maybe it got lost when I was packing. Maybe somebody ripped it off. I looked around, wasn't in any of the usual places, could not find it, and then just went, well, that's what you get for buying a $6,500 watch. Yeah, but you wore it four times, so it was only $1,800. A, wearing a couple of weeks ago, I was doing a show or whatever it was. I was getting a suit out. I grabbed for a pair of brown dress shoes, which I evidently never wear, started to put one on, and felt a watch tucked into it. Now what I did when I was in New York was I said, look, I don't want to wear this watch through the airport. I don't A, care, and B, I don't want to pop it off and have it go through the whatever. I'm going to put it somewhere safe in my suitcase, which I probably said, I'll put it inside the shoe. It'll be and it's a little leather cocoon. And then when I get back to la, of course, when I'm unpacking everything all there, my watch will have fallen out. I want to. Well, somehow it's shoved up in there. It never moved. I put the shoes away and never thought to go fishing inside of shoes. I maybe even held them and shook them around. But I didn't go fish my hand up there and I was able to get my watch back. The good news is I never wear it, so who cares? I was happy to know that it was solved. Like, I was like, nobody stole it and I didn't really lose it, but I did the move I tell everyone not to do, which is I shoved it somewhere that I knew of at the time but would later on forget, giving myself too much credit, thinking that I knew where it was. Like when Dr. Drew wanted to remember his flu vaccine that had to be refrigerated. When I opened the refrigerator here, his car keys were sitting on top of his flu vaccine in the refrigerator. Because he would have walked out of the studio, made a right and gone right down the road minus his flu vaccine.

[Allison Rosen]

So what should you have done?

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's a couple ways to go about this one.

[Joe Koy]

Wear the fucking thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Wear the thing. But then out of sight, out of mind is huge when it comes to setting down coffee mugs and huge when it comes down to watches. You know, you also have to remember too. You're gonna get picked up early in the morning, you're gonna have a couple Bloody Marys on the flight, your time change. By the time you get back to la, your head's not going to be where you're at tonight, packing. You have to do it in a way that's either obvious when you unpack this thing, there it shall be. Or you literally have to make yourself a note, like send yourself an email or tell somebody to tell you or do something interesting thing to do. Just thought about it, you don't need an assistant. I do it with Matt Fondelier all the time. I just shout stuff out to him. Don't let me forget this. Now it's on record. It's just stuck in my own head. So if you say to your wife or husband, here's this, here's that, here's this. At least it's in the ether somewhere. It's not. You can't get it off your hard drive, but it could possibly have landed on someone else's hard drive. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

So get an assistant. Everyone got a Fondelier again.

[Adam Carolla]

Marry an assistant.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Boom. No, look, if you told Christy, when you're packing, I put my watch in my dress shoe. Don't let me forget, which all the time. And by the way, if you did do that, you would not forget. Ironically, it's you telling somebody that stops you from doing that. All right, Michael Malley's out there. Jo Koy is in our studio. Stamps.com, man. Oh, mailing letters, packages, man, it just got easier. So much easier with stamps.com. so easy. Anyone can do it. You can buy and print official U.S. postage. Do it right from your desk. Stamps.com, man. It does all the work for you.

[Joe Koy]

I did it, Adam. It works.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the best.

[Joe Koy]

It really is.

[Adam Carolla]

And like I said, how much?

[Joe Koy]

People don't sell stamps anymore, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

How much do you overpay? How much is overpaid on how much? I have half a bottle of Trader Joe's 16 ounce sparkling water here. How much to send this to Iowa?

[Joe Koy]

I would put $14 worth of stamps on that.

[Adam Carolla]

I would, too, because I would, because.

[Joe Koy]

I don't want it sent back.

[Adam Carolla]

Anything other than having it sent back. And as I've always said, the post office was stupid. The day they opened, they should have just sent everything back and said, insufficient postage, and we all would have went, oh, and then doubled down for the rest of our lives. Stamps. They missed the window. Stamps.com, you get a scale, it plugs into your computer. It is perfect, and it just prints out the exact amount that you need. And you can get 55 bucks free postage. Go to stamps.com. before you do anything else, click on the microphone, top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that is stamps.com, enter Adam. All right, Jo Koy, everybody.

[Joe Koy]

New York City, November 7th through the 9th.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotham Comedy Club, and then Wilbur. That's a beautiful theater in Boston. November 15th and Des Moines, Funny Bone, the 20th through the 22nd. All November dates available on the website and of course, podcast, the yo and Joe show, go to JoeCoi.com how do you spell it? J O, K O Y dot com.

[Joe Koy]

I love you, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Love you, Joe. Mike O'Malley's out there. We'll bring him in next.

[Caller]

Hey, Adam, this is Mike from Portland, Oregon, and I just wanted to let you know that my girlfriend has never listened to your show or really never had much interest in you, but recently pulled your book out of my bookshelf and started reading it. I think just with curiosity, and it's kind of cool because I can hear her upstairs in bed reading the book, laughing from downstairs while I'm in the living room. Every once in a while, I always wonder what part of the book she's at. Keep up the good work and love the show. Have a good one, dude.

[Mark Cuban]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. By the way, Michael Malley in studio TV show Survivors Remorse Season 1 finale is this Saturday, 9:00 on Stars. Mike does producing. He does a lot of writing. He does a lot of acting.

[Allison Rosen]

You did a commercial with a ton of puppies.

[Mike O'Malley]

Yes, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

He just does. I mean, it's nice that you can do, you know, wear all the different hats. What? And I always say, well, what do you like the most? But I guess your answer would be whatever you're doing the most of you like the least at the time. And then it's time to do something else.

[Mike O'Malley]

Right? You know, I think that I started doing a lot more writing recently. I have three kids. They're 11, nine and seven. And I think that I wanted to be around a little bit more. I heard you talking earlier about, you know, just runaway production and going out of town. And I think now a lot of actors, they have to go out of town all the time. And so about five or six years ago, I had an opportunity to write on Shameless as a staff writer. And that was the show was being run by John Wells, who's famous for ER, amongst other things. And I took the job on that and at 42 years old to take that job, it was really like a staff running job. It was a real, it was a real learning experience. But I knew that I would kind of get a fire hose worth of, you know, show running experience to do that. And that's really kind of made my writing career kind of take off.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice. I did it with Kimmel for a while where I just became a staff writer and I was doing Loveline simultaneously. So I had a syndicated radio show. So I wasn't, you know, on the written end and away from the performing end completely. But I enjoyed my days of being a staff writer and having lunch with everyone together. Community and laughing at my own jokes, never others, always putting them down. But there was something that was very nice about if you like to collaborate, you're sort of team oriented and you played a lot of team sports growing up. It's funny because football's like 11 dudes and staff writer on a late night show is 11 dudes, and it's kind of. Was kind of a nice kind of environment. I liked it.

[Mike O'Malley]

It's great to work in an environment where you can kind of, especially on Shameless, where, you know, John kind of famously said in the room one time, I don't want any Morally, you know, I want you to really try to go for stories where it's just about characters and fake people messing up their lives. That's kind of the purpose of drama. Watch these people make mistakes so you can see the consequences of those mistakes and not in your own life. But don't make any moral judgments about these characters. Let an audience watch it and let them make the choice about seeing how their behavior affects other people. And is that a good thing or not? Is it funny or not? And we've done some pretty offensive stuff. But when you're working on a pay cable channel, people just want something, I think, a little bit more, I don't know, vibrant, where they want to be pushed a little bit. You'd be amazed by how many people come up and say, man, that's my favorite show. And they go to church with my.

[Adam Carolla]

Parents, by the way. As I always would say to the censors, when they'd say things like, well, we don't want this person smoking. I'm like, are you saying that people don't smoke? And if so, I mean, if you're willing to admit that a certain percentage of the population smokes, then why can't this person be one of that population that smokes? He's not the hero. It just exists. It's like saying, oh, we don't want you to do anything about pedophilia, and we don't want you to do anything about the ethnic cleansing or spousal abuse or whatever. It's all super funny. No, that's what I'm saying. This is more four camera stuff. But what I'm saying is, as long as it exists, then you're allowed to do it. Because it exists. You're not allowed. I wouldn't glorify it. But I mean, if this exists, this uncomfortable thing, murder, whatever, whatever. Horrible. Smoking and murder. And all people that kick dog, smoking and murder. As long as there's a guy out there who kicks a dog, then you should be allowed to have a character that kicks dogs. Because there are people out there that do that.

[Mike O'Malley]

And I think on a television show also, what happens is, like, what people get really upset about in a particular episode is that a television show, one episode is like a chapter in A long novel. And so you can't just have this. It would seem too pat if there was this huge moral arc in this episode. Like, this is our viewpoint on kicking dogs. Everyone knows that kicking dogs is bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike O'Malley]

Is this guy gonna get the crap beat out of him because he kicks a dog? Hopefully, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what happens. Speaking of TV shows, Catch A Contractor is a show I'm doing. It's always a little caught in between, because Thursday we forget to talk about it, and then on Monday it's already happened, basically. But this last episode, I was explaining that sometime during the filming of this, there was a physical altercation that took place.

[Brian Bishop]

And remember, you came in the day it happened. Remember the day it tapes. You came in talking about it. Maybe not on the air, of course, but off the air.

[Adam Carolla]

And the guy said. I think I said something on the air, too. The guy gave this great rallying cry, which is, I changed my mind, motherfucker. Like, he told the guy. The homeowner told the contractor, like, all right, go work on the house. I'm going to pack it up and I'm going to leave. And he packed it up and left. And then he changed his mind. And I'll. I'll. We'll. I'll show you the clip because it's. It's funny. I'm trying to get it to. I. I want to put it on hats and lunch pails and things like that. I love the rallying call if it changed my mind. But you can see it here. And on top of all of that, he has completely broken the code of honor for the Marines by doing this to one of his buddies. Does that look like a normal step to you?

[Mike O'Malley]

No, of course it's not finished. Two adults here with the baby at all time.

[Adam Carolla]

Change my mind. He. He went down the road with his wife and told his wife that he had to come back to pick up something from inside the house. And he just charged this guy and said he changed his mind.

[Mike O'Malley]

I love the idea that. That, you know, I am not handy. My father was a handy guy, and he just did not want me in the basement with him. I think that he just really was like, you're. I'm not gonna. I don't want to spend any time talking to you or teaching you about this stuff. My dad was a great dad, but he was not interested in, you know, teaching me how to do that stuff. And so when we.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just hearing your dad beats off in the basement. That's all I'm hearing right now.

[Mike O'Malley]

Possibly he had a lot of kids, so I don't know how much time he spent doing that. That. But he. When, when we recently had a house, our house being worked on. My whole thing that I just can't handle with the contractor is them not listening to what you're asking. So that when you say, the minute, when you start to say, okay, look, we've got this room here and my wife wants to have these, you know, lights moved up, but she doesn't want to look.

[Joe Koy]

Hey, yeah, yeah.

[Mike O'Malley]

That whole, yay, they're saying yes to you. So I came home and this guy had moved these sort of ancient and ancient old vintage sconces. He had put a hole in the wall with a circular. Whatever the sconce cutter. Sconce cutter thing is, he hadn't even measured what if the hole would be covered by this oval shaped sconce. And so you could see space in the wall where the hole was when he put the sconce back on. And so his solution to that was to take like one of those metal plates that you'd put like on a clean out. Yes, that was that on the wall that he was then gonna paint and then put the sconce over that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So basically the sconce has a footprint, right. And it's like called a rosette or something. And the coal that he cut out in the drywall was bigger or wider than that. So he was going to put a metal plate behind it to take up that room.

[Mike O'Malley]

And so I had explained this. I said, please, like, okay, if you're telling me that, you know this painting that my wife wants to go above the mantelpiece, that's fine. And at this time, you know, the, their, you know, faux painting was very popular at this time. And so it's gonna. To match that, you'll have to repaint.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like a hack move.

[Mike O'Malley]

Oh my God. It was unbelievable. So that's what we said to him. And so, and then he's like, hey. And then the, the woman who was the designer who was helping him out, she says, he's a really good guy. I said, he's not a. He may be a great guy to hang out with at a party. I'm sure if I had a beer with him, that'd be awesome. But guess what? I now came home from work, I'm rip. Shit. Looking at this stupid thing that I've asked the one thing not to happen. I'm now in a conversation with my wife. She's defending you, this designer cuz you brought this guy. We're all talking about this guy. I've now spent a half an hour at home talking about the thing that I didn't want done.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, everybody is horrible at what they do. And then you can. That's an easier way to go through life.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, you say in the situation, I changed my mind, motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Changed your mind? Changed my mind, motherfucker. And you come in, you get the guy in a headlock. You can see it by the way at the spike app tv or the spike TV app if you want to check out that episode. It is a particularly good one because that one is the one where we busted a guy from season one again in season two.

[Brian Bishop]

Man, he's back.

[Adam Carolla]

Man, he's back. Manny is back. All right, let's see. We got some news. A couple of quick calls. Let's see if I went a. All right, we'll work these guys out. Would you please? No calls. DraftKings, baby. My listeners winning huge cash [e-mail], america's favorite one week fantasy football site. No season long commitment. You play whenever you want. Injured players, no problem. Every week it's like a new season. Bald. How are you hanging?

[Brian Bishop]

Particularly good week? I drafted two different teams because I was feeling lucky and entered three different contests. All 50, 50 double up contests. Currently winning them in all of them. So I'll keep you posted after tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

You get free entry into the $100,000 contest this weekend. First place takes home 10 grand. DraftKings.

[Mark Cuban]

Dawson, head to DraftKings.com now and enter.

[Adam Carolla]

Code Adam to play for free.

[Mark Cuban]

DraftKings.com, bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter Adam for free ENT DraftKings.com that's.

[Adam Carolla]

DraftKings.com Survivor's Remorse that is on Stars. That is Saturday. Tell us about that show, Michael Malley.

[Mike O'Malley]

It's a show about a young African American basketball player from Boston who grew up very poor in a poor neighborhood. He was kind of a journeyman in college, went to a small northeastern college and just hit it big. He went into the D league, had a good year. Sort of a, you know, kind of like a Jeremy Lin or a John Starks, A guy who's bagging groceries. All of a sudden he puts it together for whatever reason, has a really good playoff run and then is rewarded with a big contract. So the show is about him. He moves to Atlanta to play for a pro team down there. All of his family comes with him. Tichina Arnold plays his mother, Mike Epps plays his uncle Julius. Ron Rico Lee plays his manager, his cousin. Lead guy is Jesse Usher. He's great. And Erica Ash and Tiana Parris play out the rest. And it's just. It's really about how do people who come from no means, how do they handle making money? How are the people who are the really the family around a player like this, how they all feel as if he is the golden goose and how they're all fathers to his success. And now it's time for their reward. And the executive producers, along with myself, is Tom Werner and LeBron James and Maverick Carter. And so it's a story about that started with the premise from Maverick and LeBron who, you know, grew up poor and grew up in a tough neighborhood in Akron, Ohio. And then they're now, you know, on top of the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, even on a much smaller scale, I'm sure you felt it. I feel it almost on a daily basis when I see the phones ringing and I see the name on it. I always say to. I'll like jokingly say to Matt Fondelier out there, oh, Ray called. What do you think? He wanted to say hi. All right, I'll give you. Was he going to lend me some money? I'll give you an A, B or.

[Brian Bishop]

C, anything you need.

[Adam Carolla]

He's going to help putting a deck on at my house. Or did he want something? And it's so. It's funny when they get back to back, like that guy calls and hangs up, then your sister calls and wants to know if you want to, hey, I got an opportunity for you never to get paid back.

[Mike O'Malley]

But you also really care. You care about people. You care about your friends. You know, the people that you grew up with. You want to help them, but you want to help them help themselves. The thing is, what I'm interested in is, is you talk about how you were raised like a raccoon in a dumpster, yet you made it and you have kids now. And what is if you were going to try to distill what was the quality that you had in you that made you succeed? Because there's plenty of people who don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what. First things. And it's. It pisses me off because Ray and I started doing a home improvement podcast, Ace on the house. And I said to him, he's one of these guys like all my fucking idiot friends from the Valley. Like, hey, I'm not showing up anywhere unless I get 50 bucks. I need to get 50 bucks. And I said, let Me explain how it works. You do the show with me, we build an audience, we become popular, then we sell advertising, and then you take 25% of the money that we get through building it up. And he was like, yeah, but I can't come out and spend an hour doing your shit. Then I'm like, well, that's what you need to know. That's how it works. That's how I did it. That's the way you do it. Now, I can pay out of my pocket 50 bucks or 100 bucks a pop, that's fine. But when the money comes in, I will then keep all that money, and you will be at 100 bucks. So how would you like to do it? And he said, well, I mean, I want to do, you know, whatever. And I said, yeah, that's the way you do it. And it's like, yeah, but what if I've done five shows, I didn't get paid? It's like, you may do 20 shows and not get paid. You may never get paid. But the way to do this is to build the audience, then get the advertisers, then we divvy up the money, and hopefully it'll come to more than 100 bucks a show. And I gave him that speech. And he promptly walked out the door and called up my money manager and said, I need 100 bucks a show.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Kind of a middleman, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And then later on, sort of semi denies he did it, but he didn't. He did. And I honestly, I should have screamed at him, and I did. Now you'll get 100 bucks a show, and I'll keep all the money if and when this thing turns around and turns a profit. Well, of course it did turn around. It did turn a profit. And yes, he gets 25% or so now, but I think it's right about 25%. But the point is, look, I fucking explained what to do 250 times to everybody. They don't fucking listen to me. I don't know why they don't listen to me. They're trying to borrow my money, and they're asking me in my studio if they can borrow something. Why not listen to me? But they don't. And that's why they are who they are. Now, it's unclear why they don't want the thing they claim to want. And I will give them the path to get it. I don't get why they will not journey down that path, but they just won't.

[Mike O'Malley]

I think it's interesting that as a parent, I Think it's the one thing that you have to convey to your kids. There is something that I saw that a writer had a big framed poster on her wall. And it was one of these things like, you know, you buy a rock that says Serenity, and you're like, oh, my God, I can't believe I just brought a rock that says serenity. But it's on your mother's desk. So she reminds herself to be serene. But anyways, this poster said, work hard and be nice to people. And literally, we put it by our front door. Because I actually do believe, and I heard you speaking earlier about just working hard and how you have to do it and what you have to do and that the educational system, because they have to hit test scores or whatever, maybe are leaving some really bright kids behind. I know certainly, I think that they're leaving boys behind in the way that they learn. But this idea that working hard and just being nice people, it's so basic, yet it really is everything. It's everything in this city, certainly.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Mike O'Malley]

I think it's everywhere. It's what the show about, you know, the contractors are about. Just be honest. Just work hard. Just be cool. If you can't be there, be honest about it. Just do that. And people can't figure it out. And I don't know why.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a question, because I think that we could all point to successful assholes. Were they nice on their way up?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I will tell you the answer to that.

[Brian Bishop]

Are they nice on your way up?

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I'm going to speak today.

[Mike O'Malley]

I don't know too many successful assholes. They are in terms of movie stars, at least.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll break it into two pieces. There's the rare successful asshole that is just such a fucking talent that there's really no choice but for that person to be successful. I'm sure Barbra Streisand can be as cunty as she wants to be to whoever she wants to be. And there's a male version and every other version of that. And it doesn't matter.

[Mike O'Malley]

She has that voice.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a very gifted figure, individual. Yes, it's true. LeBron James could be a dick if he wanted to be a dickhead. And there'd always be a roster spot open for him. Because when you have a certain kind of talent, it just transcends. If Michael Jackson could have been. However, Michael Jackson is a good example.

[Brian Bishop]

Barry Bonds apparently was prickly all the way through, you know, high school and.

[Mike O'Malley]

College, and you're just so good at this thing all these other people are attempting to do. You're just. You can't be denied, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So you can be that asshole, and then you can be a sort of grandfathered in asshole. Like, your dad just fucking owns the studio, you know, and, like, what else? But 99%. Yeah, 99% of the rest of the people have to have a relationship, and it has to be copacetic, and the other person has to go, I want to. And at a certain point, it's weird because there's so many. This town is basically. There's the occasional tens. We're talking about maybe the Barbra Streisands or Sacha Baron Cohen or some. Somebody just really has a genius. Has a genius. And then. And you'll notice it, Mike, in the writers rooms, where you just take 10 people, and all we do is come up with the same seven jokes. Meaning it's like every joke's a seven. Well, all we need is one nine. But we can't do a nine. We have 1007s and we trade them all in for one fucking eight and a half or nine, but yet we can't do it. The skill level at a certain point is LeBron James, and then the sort of. The rest of us. So now you have a decision, because you do this all the time, Mike. You staff up, you do this thing where it becomes completely about the person's personality. You're like, 100%.

[Mike O'Malley]

Can they get along?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, 100% locker room guy. In a world where everyone just sits around and writes the same joke, that's a seven. I want to do it with the guy. I want to have a beer with the girl that's chill and laid back. The person that doesn't have a fucking drama. And you just go, I want to work with that person. I don't want to work with them. And the feeling is just as strong one way or the other. You do the. I do want to work with that dude. Oh, I don't want to work with that dude. I mean, you take a guy like Alan Kirschenbaum, the late, great Alan Kirschenbaum, all right? His name comes up. He sadly took his own life about a year or two years ago. Incredibly sad. But if you bring up Alan Kirschenbaum's name to me or to Mike or to Kevin Hench or Mike lynch or anyone had the pleasure. And there's thousands of people had the pleasure with working with Ross, with Kirschenbaum, all they would say was, oh, yeah, I want to work with that guy. Now, was he twice as funny as anyone else in the room? No, he was the same as anyone else in the room. But, God, what a guy to hang out. What a guy to just. Just to feel out with. Right. Locker room guy you brought up in your book, Dion Kirschner.

[Brian Bishop]

Dion Kirchner. You're the production coordinator, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Or something like that for sitcom executive. Whatever. Production, whatever. And then just if somebody ever said, you want to work with Dion. Oh, fucking Lutely. Absolutely. If I could bring back Kirschner, I mean, Kirschenbaum, I would bring him back in a second. Word about guy for 100 years, right?

[Mike O'Malley]

Yeah, he's amazing. I want to ask you something though, because I love. I always bring this up when I see. And I just laugh about the stories of, you know, when you're in high school and just fights and just male passion and attitude and anger. And as you showed in that clip right up there, it's. The older that I get, I find that people that really can't succeed in this business are people that cannot get in control of their anger. I really find it to be something that Is something that. And I don't know what that is, because I understand anger. Certainly, I understand. It's when you have that emotion, you feel very like, oh, man, I can't believe I'm getting this note. Or this person's such a pain in the ass. I want. I want to kill them. Or this. This guy in my kid's basketball league, he's just, you know, he's stacking his team. I want to wring his neck, right? It. This is this thing. And I'm. I wonder just how you, as you become a parent and you've gone on to all of this success, how you manage it when you see this kind of nonsense or your friends, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell you, I don't know. I'm not. I get frustrated by nature, but I'm not angry by nature. I'm frustrated by nature because the frustration, which may lead to some anger, but the frustration is, here's how you do this, here's how we all become successful, and then it gets ignored, and then whatever happens, happens, and then that frustration sets in. But I can tell you sort of anecdotally that the other thing you need to worry about and think about in this town, but every business is the person basically is running Spike Television right now is a gal by the name of Sharon Levy. Sharon Levy loves me, but when I met Sharon Levy, she was a publicist for Comedy Central. And Sharon Levy and I could have not gotten along back in the day quite nicely. She could have told me to do some stupid shit. She's the one I think of probably famously told Jimmy and I when we were doing like an upfronts kind of thing for the man show. Like, you two are really nice guys. Just be likable. Just be your. Be the part of you that I know when you get up there and field these questions. And we literally just walked up and they said now that the host and creator of the man show and they open it up to questions. And the first question was a haunchy, angry middle aged woman who stood up and said, said what if they, instead of taking juggies on the trampoline, they just put black women on the trampoline and they called it negro trampoline or something. And Jimmy went, sit down, stupid. And I said, when we do a retard trampoline, we'll give you a buzz. And that's exactly how we got out of the gate right after her pleaing. Was her backstage of her going, please just be nice.

[Mike O'Malley]

Was there, was there equal parts gasps and laughter or what?

[Brian Bishop]

What was this gaster?

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, I don't even.

[Mike O'Malley]

Know how this didn't make the news. I guess there was no. The Internet wasn't around.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a different, more innocent time. But she wasn't asking a question. She was going to make a statement about women on trampolines. And she did, which was funny. The thing that always was the funniest part about that whole part is two hours. So that's how we got out of the gate with our upfronts presentation.

[Mike O'Malley]

Or you just say, I'd watch that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? We're at. Had a sort of literally like a carnival in the back of the Pasadena Four Seasons, whatever. And we were milling about, being interviewed by various guys from the press corps. And some guy was talking to both of us and he was from something like the Minneapolis Dispatch or something. And she buzzed by our conversation. This woman was super angry. She buzzed by us and she went. And this guy, it was funny, he was like riding and asking us questions. We were talking standing at night and she walked by and she went, I'm sure you both have small penises. And she just walked right past us. And the guy who was doing the interview with us, he didn't even look up. He went, that's good unbiased journalism. That's all he said is as he kept writing. But that was Sharon Levy. And Sharon Levy liked her not the reporter, Sharon. Yeah, she worked as a publicist. All right, now she's running Spike. Quite right.

[Brian Bishop]

Your intention, by the way, was on the stage to follow her orders. Not orders, but follow her wishes.

[Adam Carolla]

And it would have been nice.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what you said. I changed my mind, motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

I changed my mind, motherfucker. Now, Sharon Levy loves me and I got along well with Sharon Levy, not because she knew what I was gonna go on to do and not because I knew what she was gonna go on. We just liked each other. We got along well. And later on, when she decided to take over show business, I'm sure she thought of me when it came to doing a show or two. And that's usually how these relationships work. So this is a town, by the way, where we've had guys that were fucking pas on the man show that are out taking Hollywood by storm at this point. So do not be careful how you treat the underlings. Now, I can talk shit to these guys because it's a fucking lead pipe cinch. They're not going anywhere. But be careful who you talk to and how you talk to them, because at some point they may be running Spike.

[Brian Bishop]

Or do it because you're a nice person, you want to respect people.

[Adam Carolla]

There's that shit too.

[Brian Bishop]

Or you can do it because they might be running a network.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's get ready. Let's do a little news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Joe Koy]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Allison.

[Mark Cuban]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it.

[Brian Bishop]

Up, she'll sign it off with zip.

[Mike O'Malley]

It's Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Brittany Maynard, a 29 year old who was diagnosed with a brain tumor, took her own life. She lived in Northern California, moved to Oregon with her husband to take advantage of the Death with Dignity act there. Which is where if you have a terminal illness, you can get a doctor to prescribe you life ending drugs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she's cute and has a cute puppy.

[Allison Rosen]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Strike one and two.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man, I was just watching on Brian, did you. Did you see this thing on Sports Center?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the. The girl who made the layup? The basketball player? Yeah, yeah, college basketball player.

[Adam Carolla]

She had the glioma thing.

[Brian Bishop]

She had an inoperable brain tumor. I can only assume it's similar to mine.

[Adam Carolla]

I think. Is yours a glioma?

[Brian Bishop]

Mine is a glioma. Same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Hers is a gl.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't see this. I actually. Look, I read one article and didn't see a diagnosis, so I just assumed it was similar. But yeah, that's the exact same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I wrote her name down. Sorry, I don't mean to steal your tumor. Thunder wall or something along Lauren Hill, which was confusing because I thought she was from the Fugees.

[Allison Rosen]

Different Lauren Hill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Lauren Hill made a layup in a basketball game. I think it was yesterday, the day before.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sorry, but this was the same. But this same thing. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

She has stage four glioblastoma multiform.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what we got.

[Allison Rosen]

Was diagnosed January 1st and they gave her about six months to live and she took her life on Saturday. She would have been 30 on November 19th.

[Brian Bishop]

I think she had just been married too, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

How did she take her life?

[Allison Rosen]

It's an overdose of barbiturates that the doctor gives you, but you. They're not allowed to dispense it. I mean, they prescribe it, they're not allowed to have any hand in it. You have to swallow it yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? Again, in my sort of big to small sort of argument that I never stop with the politics, people that are terminally ill taking themselves off of this planet on their own terms with their own family and not worrying about choking on their own saliva or something, where does that fall into societal trouble versus unwanted kids that are basically raising themselves on the street? And then how much time do politicians give to this? Let's just say everybody who was terminally ill and was going to die in the next six months killed themselves tomorrow. What would it do as a society? Would it affect your relationship, your wife.

[Brian Bishop]

Who'S dead in life, outside of their families and loved ones, Would it affect them?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Arguably in a positive way.

[Allison Rosen]

The group Priests for Life would be angry. Janet Marana, executive director, said, we are saddened by the fact that this young woman gave up hope. And now our concern is for other people with terminal illnesses who may contemplate following her example. Britney's death was not a victory for a political cause. It was a tragedy hastened by despair and aided by the culture of death invading our country. But Brittany talked quite a bit about whatabout finding out from doctors what was in store for her, what the death from this tumor was going to be like. And she was having increasing headaches, increasing neck pain, increasing seizures. She didn't go into this blind. I mean, they uprooted, they moved there for this purpose.

[Brian Bishop]

I got a lot of people tweeting me about this over the last. Because you announced it and it's been a story for a Month or so, Yeah. I think it's really admirable that someone has this kind of conviction. And she stuck to it. She said she was gonna do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian was in the same boat initially.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a brain tumor. I was diagnosed and given initially six months to a year.

[Allison Rosen]

Did they stage you?

[Brian Bishop]

They graded it, but because they couldn't biopsy it, they never knew for sure. But based on my symptoms and how far along I was, however, I was getting an infusion of my chemotherapy that I get every two months, coincidentally, like two weeks ago. And the doctor I was seeing that day, not my normal doctor, but different doctor, brought this up to me out of the blue. He's like, have you heard about this girl in Oregon? Blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, of course. I've been hearing all about it. He was of the opinion, not being her doctor. He was of the opinion, and if it was my patient, I would tell her that there are options. I mean, we can fight it. It's not a great chance, but it's a chance. But as I said to him, and he said to me, we agree. It's like, it's her choice. It's her choice. And who are we to argue with her life choice? If it was me, maybe I'd see how it could be fought and give it a few rounds in the ring.

[Allison Rosen]

It doesn't seem that she felt there were any options.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe she knows.

[Mike O'Malley]

I think that I know there's a lot of people who have family members who. Who died from cancer. My uncle, I had seen movies about it and seen, oh, this is what it's like in the end stages. And then when I finally saw my uncle up close and the pain he was in, which is just as.

[Brian Bishop]

They're barely there, barely human.

[Mike O'Malley]

And so then he had to take the morphine to. Basically, I think the miracle drug actually is. How do you keep people alert and out of pain while they're dying? Because they know that just so they can be present for their own death and be alert and say goodbye and do what it is that they have to do. But I'm willing to bet that the argument that people are using is that if there's any chance, if there's even the slightest chance for somebody to. For a miracle to happen, then why do this? It's sort of like, you know, in a different way. The argument against capital punishment. Why would you ever do it if one person could be killed in the wrong way?

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't know if it prevents one vandersloot from not getting married. And having a kid and joint. I'd rather just kill a thousand innocent people. I really would. That's the way I look at it. But here's the thing.

[Allison Rosen]

It should really be your choice.

[Adam Carolla]

It should be. Look it. First off, it's not like nobody's going to ever die. We're all going to die.

[Brian Bishop]

Most of us will.

[Adam Carolla]

Most of us shall die. Now, of course, my memory will go on the various plaques and mausoleums and things like that. Parks named after me, freeway overpasses and things of that nature. You guys will be dust in the wind. But we're all going to die. So now that we're all going to die, the question is when and how. And historically, making it as I, you know, I have this conversation with anyone who loses somebody early, which I talked to my wife about. Her best friend died when she was, you know, 34. I said, you know, first off, historically, many people, billions of people, died before they were 30. You know, and then we all die. We're all going to die. And she didn't. Statistically, I don't know what percent makes it into their 80s, and I don't know what percent doesn't make it past childbirth, but we all land somewhere 50, 80, if you're usually in between that number, sadly, some on the lower end and some on the higher end. But we're all going. So at least we got that much clear. The next.

[Allison Rosen]

I have not signed off on that.

[Adam Carolla]

The next one is. It's not like there's no precedent. It's like everyone's died who came before. You just look at the coins in your pocket, you'll see pictures of dead dudes on there. So it's the way I choose to look at life.

[Brian Bishop]

Emotional grief counselor.

[Adam Carolla]

Either way.

[Mike O'Malley]

Hey, listen, man, people die. I'm sorry. Sorry they died. Dr. Carolla here to help you.

[Adam Carolla]

But they would have wanted us to eat. By the way, that's my Quiznos sandwich right there. I hope you don't mind. If you just slide that across the table. Use your tears as a lubricant. So if. And you want to die and look, as a society, let's just worry about your yard and who's in it. If you want to fucking do your own shit over there. That's it. Now, look, if we get to the point where troubled teens decide they can't go on because their girlfriend broke up with them and they were 17 and they want the suicide drugs, maybe we should intervene at that point. And I still say maybe if this person and spouse had exhausted all resources in their. Whatever the information they got. And by the way, they're more of an expert than we are, I'm sure. Sadly, they pursued this very vigorously, more than just WebMD. Right. And now decide this is the way they would like to finish off their life. That is their decision. It is up to them. And Godspeed to you.

[Brian Bishop]

And the fact that she made it and never wavered from it and made a very difficult decision and stuck to it, that's admirable. It's really admirable. It's a conviction that a lot of.

[Adam Carolla]

Us wouldn't have and made for a super uncomfortable conversation on the lawn of the apartment building they were moving out of. Where are you guys going? We're going to Portland. What'd they do, switch home offices or something? What they do, they do switch you transfer you out there?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, we're taking some time off.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So you coming back or.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, it's a one way. One way.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so rainy over there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, it's, it's, it's summer now. I doubt we'll see the rain ever.

[Adam Carolla]

What, it rains like all the time over there.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we got a couple months of no rain, which should be enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that puppy. Oh, God.

[Mike O'Malley]

Are you going up there to kill yourself?

[Brian Bishop]

That's funny. If that cuts right to the chin.

[Mike O'Malley]

We'Ve been armed because it becomes famous for this.

[Adam Carolla]

We have this stupid fucking argument forever. It's just like, listen, everybody, when we get to all the other problems that are chipping away or that we're forced to deal with in our society, when we get to all the big stuff, then we can get to this.

[Allison Rosen]

So far, the religion is religious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, it's. Look, here's.

[Mike O'Malley]

And the slippery slope.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the slippery slope. It's the playing God. The problem with the religious people, ironically, is they don't like anyone playing God, even though they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and they see God and they talk to God and all that kind of stuff. They don't like that. And it's a religious thing, which I understand. And that's. So then when it comes to them or their family members, then they can go ahead and make a decision based on their religion. That's completely fine with me. They just can't make her choice based on their religion.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's what she wrote on Facebook. Get ready to tear up. Goodbye to all my dear friends and family that I love. Today is the day I have chosen to pass away with dignity in the face of my terminal illness, this terrible brain cancer that has taken so much from me, but would have taken so much more. The world is a beautiful place. Travel has been my greatest teacher. My close friends and folks are the greatest givers. I even have a ring of support around my bed as I type. Goodbye, world. Spread good energy. Pay it Forward.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

It's admirable.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if I would have.

[Adam Carolla]

Gone in on Pay it Forward, but.

[Mike O'Malley]

If you're that alert and able to type that email, why not hang out another day?

[Allison Rosen]

Apparently, she had a really big seizure a few days before this and she was in increasing pain. I don't know exactly why.

[Mike O'Malley]

You could still Netflix some shows.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you right now, O'Malley over here is probably a big fan of Thursday Night Football.

[Joe Koy]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

But definitely want to hang out. Come on.

[Mike O'Malley]

Even if it's a blowout, I'll watch the Chargers. Miami game.

[Adam Carolla]

Chargers cover.

[Mike O'Malley]

At least make a bet. You're making a bet that you're not.

[Adam Carolla]

Going to have you string me along for four months just based on football? Because if you got me to third, it'd be like Sunday. There's a pretty good divisional rivals going at it on Sunday. Then you'd get me to Sunday. Then we go to Monday, then we could get back to Thursday again. And then when we got to the.

[Mike O'Malley]

Playoffs, the NBA is going to be on Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

Your work would be.

[Mike O'Malley]

NFL's gonna be Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

And I just kill myself around the Pro Bowl. Oh, no, that's before the super bowl now. Shit. I at least have me until at least a halftime in the super bowl, depending on how the score was.

[Mike O'Malley]

It's that late February before March Madness, that just. Nothing to do.

[Adam Carolla]

That's where that's now we're talking timing. This the Lauryn Hill, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the basketball player.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she got the six months, but her dream was to score a basket in a college game. And there's that thing which I always crack up about, even though it's very morbid, which is whenever they show the footage of the kid they give the ball to in Nebraska, and he's seven and he's got leukemia and he's running down the field and he's chugging and everyone's like pretending to touch, but they're letting him go into the end zone, I always want one DB that just comes up leading with the forearm, yelling, not in my house. Wait. No.

[Mike O'Malley]

This just happened. Didn't you see this?

[Adam Carolla]

Did this just happen?

[Mike O'Malley]

There's a video of, like, a kid in High school, who was a special needs kid who went in and they were getting. And so they were going. They went in because the one team was blowing out the other team. And so the special needs kid came in and this guy on the opposition level, like, pick them up and, like, you know, pile drive them.

[Joe Koy]

Oh, my God.

[Mike O'Malley]

And so then there was a massive brawl.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Mike O'Malley]

And the losing team was just like. We had no idea he was a special needs kid. He was just like this autistic kid who was on the team and went out for like, one play at the end of the season.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a Gary, look for it. It was apparent. It was apparent. We'll see it in a second. It was apparent in the high school. I mean, in the college game that the other team. See, look at it. Look.

[Mike O'Malley]

It's right on dead screen.

[Adam Carolla]

It was apparent in the. In the other game, in the basketball game, that the other team was away, that you had somebody who. You don't.

[Mike O'Malley]

Yeah, you got to give him a heads up.

[Adam Carolla]

You say, sorry, you don't go SWAT in the first row. Swatting it. All right, let's see what happened.

[Reporter]

The pile happening right here. But notice these players back here. One of them is Vincent Stover getting manhandled into the end zone. And it is this moment right here that it changes the entire game. Vincent Stover is a son, a brother, a high school senior. He's also autistic. It's basically just a social part. Come game day, though, under the stadium lights, his Most important title. 62 is football player. And when he gets on the field, it's a big deal. The crowd goes crazy Thursday night, his team, Mountain Ridge, facing off against North Canyon, a strong lead. Last game of the season.

[Adam Carolla]

They put me in for that one play.

[Reporter]

Vincent is at the end. North Canyon hikes the ball, and Vincent ends up back near his own end zone.

[Adam Carolla]

The tight end pushed me so hard, I felt to the ground.

[Reporter]

He says the whistle had already been blown. Right away, one of his teammates, number 53, takes off after him.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't know what was going on. Looked back, and there was a fight happened.

[Reporter]

He says, what you don't see? The benches cleared, players on top of players, coaches trying to pull them apart. Now mom is throwing a flag. Why is he dragging him all the way back there, calling unsportsmanlike conduct. It's no excuse to take it on a player, whether he has what he has or not. The way mom sees it, everyone lost. Both teams forced to forfeit. But Vincent sees something else.

[Adam Carolla]

People will protect me that anything Goes wrong. They have. They have my back. Yeah.

[Reporter]

This team mom says the other coaches know Vincent is a special needs player. Paradise Valley school district tells me they didn't. Both PV and Deer Valley school officials say they they will meet next week with the Arizona Interscholastic Association.

[Adam Carolla]

Drift up a meeting about everything. Like just how about don't let it happen again.

[Mike O'Malley]

We messed up.

[Brian Bishop]

So everyone was supposedly on board with letting this kid play and not.

[Mike O'Malley]

Well, I have as much background as what you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a couple of questions. They said it's mainly a social thing or a mental thing. So how about the kid hits the hack, slides and goes nuts. I mean, you know what I mean?

[Mike O'Malley]

Don't have him blocking someone.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, coming back as a D back or something physically. I don't know if he's physically impaired. He's mentally impaired. But most of the guys I played football. Vince De Giacomo was mentally impaired. He was still a good linebacker. He was a good run stopper. You know, like why is it.

[Brian Bishop]

But tight end to a scene, blocking him out of frame could be heard yelling. I changed my mind.

[Adam Carolla]

So first thing, it's like, I think you could physically play, right? But yes, the other team must know. And then here's the other problem. In our feel good society, there's. Look, there are things you couldn't do when you had certain handicaps and that just is. And it's sad, but that's why it's called a handicap. We don't. You don't get to play on the varsity football team because your leg's no good. By the way, there's a lot of people that don't get to play on the varsity football team because they're no good. I went to school with 3,000 kids. There were 41 guys on the varsity football team and I'm sure there were quite a few who wish they could have but they were too small, too slow, too white or too. They got hurt or they couldn't or they wanted to. I would have liked to play basketball. I wasn't that good at it. Like. So this notion of life like everything needs to be made to put in place so that everyone gets to participate is going to get guys pancake blocked because not everyone is going to be down with the program because we're not aware. I don't think that guy was aware of it. He thought he was making some film that he was going to show his college recruiter because watch what I did.

[Mike O'Malley]

To this blocking guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Solid textbook blocking guy.

[Mike O'Malley]

He has no idea it's Just like a guy in a helmet.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. He's showing him film, going, and that guy blew out of frame. Not retarded. No, I didn't. No one ever said he was retarded. No, I'm saying he was. Why did you bring that up, by the way?

[Mike O'Malley]

You see the size of that field? It's like no field any high school I went to was playing on. I mean, it's like under the lights field, beautiful stands, 20,000, you know, Friday night lights stuff style.

[Adam Carolla]

So did the guy. Even if the coaches knew, they would have had to get the one guy, the end and go, do not do what you're trained to do, which is blow this guy out of here. Now, I mean, when I played, I would go to rush the punter and then inevitably not block the punt. I would then circle around and I would blast the punter.

[Mike O'Malley]

I mean, high school football was so.

[Adam Carolla]

Dirty when we were growing up. It was just so dirty because all I wanted to do was hit somebody. Had the skinniest guy on the other team jogging down the field 45 yards behind his punt. But I was going to be of no good to our team because I tried to block the punt and missed it, and now I'm behind him. So all I would do is circle around and try to blindside the punter, which I would often do. Why not? I was there to hit somebody.

[Mike O'Malley]

Was spitting a big thing back when you were playing?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. I mean, unless we're beating off in the locker room, we didn't spit. No, but there was. Whatever you could do to the other guy is what you did to the other guy. That's the way. Those were the rules. So I'd imagine that's what this guy was doing.

[Brian Bishop]

I just guess. I'm guessing he never got the memo.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm guessing he didn't get the memo.

[Mike O'Malley]

He cannot have got the memo. But he did drag him, like, into the end zone.

[Adam Carolla]

He did.

[Mike O'Malley]

Like, he wasn't just blocking him. It's almost like he dragged him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. But then also, why are you doing that? Well, why are you doing that? But then why are you playing with the understanding that everyone kind of takes it easy? Do you know what I mean? Like, what satisfaction is that for the guy who's like, hey, people know I'm who I am and they don't mess with me. So it's not, I'm in the game.

[Mike O'Malley]

But I can block you, but don't block me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm not really in the game. I mean, in a weird way, the Guy just showed him respect. He treated him like an equal in a way. He did. He just treated him like a guy who's on the other side of the ball. Like, you know, every. Every time somebody who has anything, they go, all we want to do is be treated equally. All we want to. Well, he got treated equally right in the fucking end zone.

[Mike O'Malley]

Imagine if they interviewed that guy and he just said he's like, look, the kid was a tough player, came at me hard, and I didn't know what to do, so I had to cheat.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, though, it still begs the question, like, he didn't physically seemed like a high schooler, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, which one?

[Adam Carolla]

The guy got dragged in the end zone.

[Mike O'Malley]

He looked about 22.

[Adam Carolla]

He did a little mustache and stuff. I mean, he seemed more facial hair than I. £185. Like, he seemed like a young man.

[Mike O'Malley]

That'S a defensive tackle.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it seemed like he could. Capable. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Good defensive end prospect.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I'm just. Who the hell knows? So anyway, but when it came to Lauryn Hill, yes, the other team was coached up.

[Brian Bishop]

They were easing up a bit. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

They. She got her rebound and kind of put it up and made the basket. They didn't go low Bridger or anything. All right, so. But she looks like she doesn't have that much time.

[Brian Bishop]

Hopefully she'll recover. But she looks like she's. She's. I would say she looks like she's suffering a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Made me. Every time I see this, I think, is she talking to Dr. Black? Who's your guy? You know what I mean, in terms.

[Brian Bishop]

Of getting the best possible care.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, well, you saw how.

[Brian Bishop]

Messed up I was there to surgery.

[Adam Carolla]

You were messed up. And you. But you also had a doctor that was messed up.

[Brian Bishop]

What? My doctor was messed up? Oh, well, no, I got rid of that doctor pretty quick.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but you got the best guy on the planet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes. I ended up with the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you wonder if these people in North Carolina or whatever have the best guy on the planet for the most important thing on the planet, which is your brain and your tumor and your 19.

[Brian Bishop]

I talked briefly. I talked about that just being the statistics that scare people. Only 5% of people with this condition live so many years, and it's like, well, that accounts for everyone. That accounts for old people and sick people and people who maybe don't have access to great care, people who don't want access to great care, people who don't live near great care. Statistics, like you say, when they Go global. It's kind of. It mitigates the statistic a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. You got a picture of my watch? Yeah. It kind of looks like my watch.

[Allison Rosen]

Very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a nice picture of my watch.

[Mike O'Malley]

I was listening earlier. I've done the whole shoe thing, too. I mean, put the watch in the shoe and forget about it missing in some. Because I don't get dressed up a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No. Especially the brown dress shoes.

[Mike O'Malley]

Oh, never.

[Adam Carolla]

That's never. I'm depressed. So I think we should wrap it up. I want to thank Joe Coy, Mike O'Malley, by the way, or me. Cache Creek Casino, Saturday night, two shows. So come on out and say hi. And also signing a little Mangria bottles over at Thomas at the Bevmo over there outside of Sacramento on Saturday, 5:00. First shows in Portland, sold out. First show in Seattle, sold out. But second show added. So hurry. Anaheim, Agoura Hills, San Jose and Amazon. Banner man, click through and bookmark and all that good stuff. And Mike O'Malley show Survivor's Remorse season one finale this Saturday, 9:00 on Starz. What you can do is, Mike, let's give them a website they can go to.

[Mike O'Malley]

Just go to stars.com and s T-A-Dot.com and you can watch the episodes online for free.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, this is Adam Crow from Michael Malley, Joe Coy, Allison Rosen, and Ball Brian saying mahalo.

[Joe Koy]

Can I eat your ass?

[Giovanni]

That was adam Crow show 1446 with the great Michael Malley, the great Jo Koy, and Allison and Brian from 2014. Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll show 13, 1337. Adam and Mark Cuban, one on one for 2014. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

So Mark Cuban's going to be joining me in a minute. Owns the Dallas Mavericks. We'll talk about him before he hops on because he'll probably blush. But he bought that thing in 2000 for about 280 million. And seeing how the Clippers just sold for 2 billion, I think Mark put a little money in his pocket. But when you go back in, it's so easy just to go, oh, look at the rich guy. But you just go back and look at the guy's history and his first endeavor. He was 12. He was trying to buy a pair of tennis shoes and he sold garbage bags so he could buy basketball shoes. And that's what you want in your kid, by the way. That's something you should see. That's what you call a good sign when you see your kid going I want something. So instead of bitching about it or bellyaching about it, or blaming the man or begging mama or daddy for it, or stealing it, I'm gonna come up with a way to get what I desire. And it's gonna be legal, but it's gonna involve me burning some calories. And that's what Mark Cuban did. And then basically he's just done that. I'm just looking at his bio here. Started a company in 1990, sold it to Microsolutions and made like few more million dollars after that. And then he just 95 did it again. And he just kept going down the line. Just bigger and better details. Just never, never stopped. Ah, speaking of not stopping, speaking of making a little bit of money, let me get to one of our sponsors early so I don't interrupt Mr. Cuban with a read. STP Complete Fuel System Clean. These guys have been around a billion years. These guys have been around before cars were around. That's right. Mr. SDP, way back in the day said, you know what? I should come up with something to fix. And somebody chimed in and said, horses? And he said, no, the automobile, my friend. And then he yelled, good day. That was a thousand years before they invented the first car. STP Complete Fuel System Cleaner. One bottle cleans your car out, immediately removing the power robbing deposits like the ones caused by the ethanol blended gases. Yeah, that crap, especially the stuff they have in California out here, helps clean fuel. Injectors, carburetors, intake valves, combustion chambers, cylinder heads, piston tops. It does it all soup to nuts. It saves gas. It restores lost power and acceleration. Reduce hard starts and engine hesitation. Stop the knocking and the pinging already. Alrighty. It's comparable with modern engines. That includes direct injection turbocharged hybrid. That's right. They got engines in those babies. You get some now at your local Walmart, Autozone, Advance Auto Parts, O'Reilly Auto Parts. Help keep your engine running at its optimal efficiency. STP baby. All right, so Cuban should be on the blower any minute now. And again, we're doing kind of a little special one on one with him. I really admire this guy and I really admire his stance on just about everything. And I love the fact that he speaks his mind. And I love the fact that in a world that just tears everyone apart. I was just thinking about this. I was thinking about Cuban. Oh, he got in some trouble when he's talking about Sterling and what he'd do and stereotypes and all that kind of stuff, but I was really just thinking it's A weird position because you're rich, you have a microphone, you have a platform, but you can't say anything anymore because you'll be torn apart. I'm looking at Dawson now because I'm lonely. But you know what I'm saying? It's a weird time in history when all the people that have the pulpit, that have the microphone, that have the power, can't really say anything. I mean, you want to talk politics, you better shut your face. You're going to get torn apart if you're. It used to be the man got up on his pulpit, grabbed his microphone, started saying to everyone, here's how you do it, here's what you need to do, and here's what you're going to do. And now it's a lot of, hey, man, I'm wearing cargo shorts and flip flops just like you. Right? But you're worth $8 billion. Right, man? But no, whatever floats your boat. Like, ain't no judgment coming from my side. So it's this weird thing where you're not above anything because everyone can get to everyone through social media, through tmz, through whatever websites, through whatever. So you can be Mark Cuban, you can be Seth MacFarlane, you can be whoever you want, but you better watch what you say, cuz they'll pick your shit apart. And Cuban was talked to about the Sterling thing and racism and the NBA and this, that and the other. And he said, look, if I'm on one side of the street and a young black kid with a hoodie's on that side, I'm walking to the other side of the street. And everyone went like, what the. And they said, but if I go the other side of the street and there's a white dude and he's all sleeved up and covered with tattoos, then I'm going back to the black dude side side, which is kind of how we all think. But then Cuban gets in a world of shit because he's Mark Cuban. But do you want to interview with Mark Cuban or you just want him to sit there and smile and nod his head and go, I love everyone. And be Richard Simmons, essentially. Like, can the rich guy speak his mind? And that's the interesting part, because here he has this incredible freedom that his power and his wealth has bought him. I mean, if he wants to go to Maui tonight, he'll just gas up the private jet and he's going to Maui. But he still is not above speaking his mind and then being torn apart on SportsCenter and social media and all That I like the guy because he stands by his words, the only thing. And Gary, look up the word ignorant because we'll get into that with Cuban when we speak to him. But he was saying that that kind of thinking was ignorant, but yet that's. He admitted to it. Basically said that that thinking is ignorant, but yet I admit to it. And I said as I was watching it, it's not ignorant. It's based on something. And if you just want to remove race from the whole equation, then fine. If I see the guy who. Who's covered with the tats, who looks like trouble, the white guy, I do walk on the other side of the street. That's not ignorance. That guy looks like he's been in prison. There could be trouble there. Show me an Asian woman on the other side of the street and I'll go to her side of the street. But that's not based on ignorance. That's probability. That's statistics. I think ignorance is based on nothing. This is based on something. I opened my door today. There's a guy was coming to my house today, and the door opened. And sometimes being ignorant is being uninformed. This is not uninformed. A guy came to my house today. And sometimes I know my dog, and my dog's a sweetheart, but my dog is 65 pounds. And there's some people that are a little bit freaked out by dogs. And I don't like to be one of those people who, when you come up my driveway, fling the door open, and my dog comes running out, and that moment, that person has to kind of go, what? What? Your dog's out? Like, sir, hold on. Or maybe they got bit when they were kids, but Molly's a lab, and she's wagging head to tail, like the middle of her body is wagging as well as her tail as well as her head. She's literally coming down the driveway in this weird, syncopated, kind of wagging, full body wag. I know that that guy knows that this is a breed of dog that is good with people and good around kids. And since the dog's body language is wagging, I usually just open the door and go. And they always. They look down and go, oh, hey, little girl, come now. If I had a Rottweiler and that dog was not wagging its tail, even if that dog is the coolest dog on the planet, that person that's coming up the driveway just sees the Rottweiler. Statistically higher likelihood of getting bit. So when you're walking down the street, old Person, young person, male, female. Tattoos. No tattoos. We're just doing this. That ain't ignorance. That's us balancing our shit. It's. It's, by the way, lacking knowledge or awareness in general. See, if you have no awareness and you have no knowledge, then you don't walk to one side of the street or the other based on anything. Doesn't matter. You don't. You have no preconceived notions. Now, it'd be nice if it could be corrected. But again, calling an ignorance is not quite right. It needs to be called something else. It needs to be addressed and it needs to be dialed in. I agree, but it ain't uninformed. All right. Cuban is now officially a couple minutes late. But that's all right. We got stuff to talk about. All right, well, there you go. Plug for Dawson and my book. Thanks for putting it on the New York Times best seller list. I was laughing because I think it was Esquire, remember, a few months ago, had their bullseye and it was. Do you need. Does it exist? Does it sort of exist? Does it kind of exist? My book was. Doesn't exist. Wasn't even in the bullseye. If it was a dartboard, it would be the wall that the dartboard was on. That's where my book landed, except for you guys got it to the New York Times Best Seller list. And that's what I love about the pirate ship. And you guys, no matter what fucking shit everyone else tries to talk constantly. No matter how often Entertainment Weekly does the who. What, Adam? Fuck that. No matter what horrible reviews, whatever preconceived notions they have, whatever they call me, however hard they try to pretend this stuff isn't working or doesn't exist, you guys make it work. You guys make it exist. Yes. Thing or not a thing. My book was not even not a thing. It's as far outside of the bullseye as anything that they had, they had. It's a bullseye where, you know, if you're right in the middle, you're a thing. And if you're next to it, you're a thingy. And I'm in. I'm in a. I'm in a not. Not a thing. Yes. Kerry's writing me. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You are absolutely in the not a thing.

[Adam Carolla]

You are.

[Brian Bishop]

You were apt in your description before. You would be on the wall and the dartboard would be clean.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And out of the many things that they've decided to review in advance to decide whether they were a thing or not a thing, is there anyone Further away from the center than I. No, absolutely not. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a feminist named Lily Allen who's.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, a fucking bullseye, dude.

[Mark Cuban]

I'm hearing a lot about her.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a thing. I am on the New York Times bestseller list, so I can't be not a thing, because I ain't saying I'm setting the world on fire, but. But it's hard to be not a thing and be on the New York Times best seller list. And this is, I don't know, three weeks before the book came out. So thank you. Here's what I want to say to Esquire or Entertainment Weekly or any other ass wipes. You can try as hard as you can to pretend like this isn't a thing. You can work as hard as you possibly can go at, oh, it was, like, two weeks before the New York Times bestseller list, before the book came out. You can't make this not a thing to use your own verbiage against you. I get it. You're angry. You don't like me. You don't like my politics. You don't like what comes out of my mouth. You don't think I should be allowed to do what I do. You don't got a choice, bitch. This thing. That's a microphone. I bought it. I own it. This council, I made it. I built it. Those hacks over there, they can all be replaced in a second, but they ain't going anywhere because they're scared. See, we built this. So no matter what Esquire or Entertainment Weekly says, and no matter how often somebody says it's not something, well, it is something, and it's something because you guys have made it something. They wish you guys didn't exist. They wish nobody supported me, and believe you me, without you, it would not exist. But they can't do anything about it. And I think it drives them fucking nuts, because I think they're like, why the fuck is this guy on the New York Times best seller list for the third straight book when he's such a horrible, asinine hack? How can we live in a society where Adam Carolla has a successful book, podcast and business and sells out theaters around the country? How can this happen? We must stop it through our words. But it never works. It never works. We used to get horrible reviews for the man show, and yet it just got more successful every time. Loveline used to get horrible reviews, and yet it just kept going along. And now there's this. And again, the reviews are gonna be horrible. Not because the product is horrible. I mean, think about it. They disagree with my politics, but you guys beat them with your pocketbook. All right. Mark Cuban's on the phone. Mark.

[Mark Cuban]

Hey, what's up, Adam? Sorry I'm running late, but.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. A big fan of yours, and I'm always excited to speak with you.

[Mark Cuban]

Absolutely. Vice versa.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that. So we got a million things to get into, the patent trolls and all that kind of stuff, and how much I love Shark Tank. And I'm just. I'm a big fan of yours because you are a guy who just does what you want to do and has been doing it and just put your nose down and works hard and. But really seems to get pleasure out of what you're doing and the new projects and all that. Am I putting words in your mouth, or do you like the process?

[Mark Cuban]

No, not at all, man. No, I mean, look, I mean, I love doing what I love doing, you know, and I'm really blessed, you know, and I'm in a position where I don't have to kiss a lot of ass, you know, and being in that position allows me to do things that I might not have done in the past or other people might think twice about. And, you know, and then, you know, just as I become more visible, you know, more unique, things have come my way as well. And, you know, I just. I try to take advantage of it and, you know, have fun with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was thinking. I was telling people on a little preamble before we potted you up, I was thinking about this earlier today, because it'll flow nicely into your new app, Cyber Dust, where you can send text messages and photos and they delete forever after 30 seconds. So you don't have the digital footprint.

[Mark Cuban]

Appreciate that. Plug.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, no, but I was thinking it's a really cool idea because tell me if this. If I'm putting words in your mouth or this resonates with you at all. I was listening to you speak your mind about the Sterling thing and about the racial issue and about all that stuff that was all over the news a week and a half ago. And I said, we're in a really unique period of time when people who have everything and appear to have everything and are very powerful and influential and everything still can be torn apart by a sound bite when someone puts a microphone in front of them and asks them a question about anything.

[Mark Cuban]

That's true. I mean, that's the part. You know, we live in a social media environment where all of us are publishers, all of us are broadcasters. And any one of us may or may not have some influence, but once something becomes viral and it becomes very powerful as well, particularly when it comes to social issues. And in particularly. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's also, believe, believe you me, I. I know it firsthand because Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom comes in here and he starts talking about check cashing, places, preying on Latinos and blacks. And I say to him, what's wrong with Latinos and blacks that they don't have checking accounts? And then the headline just reads, adam Carolla wants to know what's wrong with blacks.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

It's insane, because I don't even bring it up.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah. I call it headline porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Mark Cuban]

That's where we've gotten to, you know, where you need to throw something nasty out there so that the headline sticks out on Twitter. And then from there people say, well, what's going on with that? And then it converts to people, you know, reading or listening or viewing. That's. That's how people fight for attention these days. And I was just ranting about it today. You know, it's just, just. It's not going to stop.

[Adam Carolla]

No. But I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what I do believe will happen, because it's so funny, because then when you read, when you read the article underneath it, you go, oh, he wasn't saying anything about that.

[Mark Cuban]

Exactly, Exactly. You know, it's crazy. And so, you know, it's. The thing about technology is it forces change. And along with those changes, you get a lot of, you know, the law of understanding consequences where there's a lot of unfortunate side effects. And right now, everybody just begging for viewers and begging for attention that creates the headline porn. My hope is at some point somebody says, look, we're tired of clicking through and not getting what we expect or not getting anything of quality. And a better alternative comes up. Until then, though, going back to what you were saying about Cyberdust, we all have to be very concerned about shrinking or digital. Digital footprint, because not only is it bad when it first happens, you know, your example with Gavin Newsom, you know, my comments when I was being interviewed at Inc. Magazine. But what happens now is that stuff stays forever. And so, you know, not only is, you know, is it bad when it's happening, not only is that kind of laying the bricks and mortar for your digital footprint, but what's even worse is whatever context they're may have been that you could look up and click through to read like you could click through and actually watch my INC interview where, you know, I discussed all the. All the issues and all of a sudden it was about hoodies, you know, or you can click through and read the article. Your interview with Gavin Newsom, you can do that now. But in a year and two years, whatever context there might have been because we were discussing it is gone. And not only is it gone, which makes it harder to understand, anybody and everybody can apply their own context to it. So you can get, you know, twice removed headline porn, if you want to call it that. I mean, I could go back and find, you know, go back and find something you said and make us think about it. And it takes on a life of its own again. And it's just so with that in mind, that's one of the reasons we created Cyber Dust. There's another. Another product that we're going to be releasing in the next couple days called Expire and Us. You know, if you think about it, Adam, the minute you hit send on a text, you no longer own it, right? You have lost complete control of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Mark Cuban]

And not only have you lost control, you don't know if the person on the other side saved it. You don't know if they forwarded it. You don't know what they, you know, if they modified it and forwarded. And it just. Just you. You have no control whatsoever. And, you know, now texting, really, texting isn't that old. So it's not like there's a long history of people keeping texts. But, you know, we think to ourselves, well, I didn't say anything bad or it's not, you know, I don't do anything interesting. Why does anybody care about my text? And that actually makes it more interesting and more dangerous because your biggest risk don't come from the NSA and the government. Your biggest risk come from, you know, your mom forwarding the most innocent text to a former girlfriend.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Mark Cuban]

Or, you know, you saving something. You're, you know, it's like I discussed my wife on Cyberdeck. My. I have a daughter about to turn 11. Just sweet, innocent, nice. I'm not concerned about her at all. But she's going to send a text. When she gets her phone, she's going to send a text to some jerk who's going to say, oh, I've got, you know, Alexis is text and turn it into something it's not. You know, show it to his buddies. And who knows how long that lives.

[Adam Carolla]

Forever, you know, and that's why, you know, we're sort of chasing this Technology, much like the government, is chasing the patent trolls, this is something that got out in front of them. The technology got out in front of us. It didn't used to get out in front of us. It was, you know, hey, hey, Buzz Aldrin's going to the moon and you can watch it on your black and white zenith. And after that, Ed Sullivan will be back on. That was the technology. But you stood back and watched it, but you didn't participate in it. Now it's there, and we're in the middle of it, and we're trying to figure it out as we go, but it's like a train that's going 150 miles an hour down the tracks, and we're throwing track out in front of it. We're not sure where it's going. No.

[Mark Cuban]

And we never will. That's the nature of technology. We never will.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask you this 2 thoughts on Just a sort of cosmic level? One is I wonder. I feel like I get into trouble sometimes because I don't look at myself as a bad person, misogynistic, homophobic, racist or anything. I'm just a guy who talks. And because in my heart that I'm not a bad person and I don't have anything against anybody, I'm allowed to speak freely and make jokes and do whatever I want in my own heart. Like, I do feel like sometimes if I thought in my heart, like, if I really walked around, I'd say this to people all the time. I go, listen, if I was really a racist, do you think I'd be making all those horrible racist jokes? I'd be protecting it.

[Mark Cuban]

You know what it is? It's like, like. And I kind of. I feel the exact same way. I feel like I can relate to people and I want to talk to everybody and anybody as if they're just a friend, right? And when I'm. When I'm just talking to my friends, you know, you talk bullshit sometimes, right? You talk. You know, you don't. You're not always politically correct, but you're not. You're not bad, right? You know, it'll be something silly and something stupid, but it's in sophomore. But it's not bad. And I'll tell you a conversation I had with a friend and he it up nicely. He goes, mark. Everybody laughs at fart jokes, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Mark Cuban]

And the meaning of it is we all tell stupid jokes because people laugh and they respond. But what's happened is what used to be just used to be stupid among friends now turns into something that everybody's going to try to take out of context if you're the least bit visible, you know. And so when you say something, that's just a simple response. You know, the headline porn is there and it gets picked up and run with. And same with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then that begs the question. And I don't talk to everyone in Hollywood, but I've talked to guys like Kimmel about it, and he's like, that's the new interview style. It's so and so acts concerned and interested and brings up topics and starts going down a certain. Leading you down a certain path. And then the interview, Internet porn or the headline porn.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Pops up and you're going, what? That was a friendly guy was having a friendly conversation with. And I was giving him my opinion on fill in the blank. And now we got this. And it's almost not. It's not worth it. But on the other hand, for somebody like yourself that has opinions and wants to share them with other human beings, what do you do?

[Mark Cuban]

Well, here's the. Here's the catch 22, right? And I went through this today because I was on Twitter, which is one of the biggest mistakes I make, right? And there's. There's, you know, maybe five different people call me a racist who had no idea anything about me and haven't even read or watched anything about all this stuff that was going on. They just. That's what they're going to say. And it takes everything you have not to reply and try to set them straight. And. And one of the challenges is trying to get your arms around how much Twitter reflects the general population, right? Because what happens is somebody says, like, you messed with Jimmy or your interview or one of my interviews, and then the headline porn is created, and then that gets picked up by a bunch of outlets on Twitter because it relates to somebody that, let's say Jimmy Kimmel interviewed. So they're, you know, at least reasonably well known. And then once it's picked up by Twitter, now the traditional news media outlets feel like they have to cover it because it's a Twitter story, right? So it just, it goes through this progression and, you know, I just try to tell myself, just be yourself and do the right thing, you know, and when the shit hits the fan, you know, just, you know, direct people back to the true source. So, like, when the Inc. Magazine stuff started off the interview, it turned out it starts off with like, Bleacher Report saying that I'm a racist without saying that I'm a racist, just creating Some headline porn. And then I looked at it, you know, and I'm immediately pissed and realized that they hadn't. The person who wrote it hadn't even watched the original interview, pulled out two lines from somewhere else, right? And so I went after him, you know, because I wanted to catch it at the source. And the next. So I responded on Twitter to a couple people that were in the media saying, look, why haven't you, you know, looked at this? You know, you're commenting on comment that has no source, in fact, and you're the media. You're supposed to be better than that. And then after that, I made the point to only do I think one interview, and I made them play no two interviews, and I made both of them play the entire tape before I would come on and. And respond to it. Because to your point, no one pays attention to the source. No one pays attention to the content. They just pay attention to the headline, no matter how it's created.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was.

[Mark Cuban]

So you almost have to have a strategy to back when it happens.

[Adam Carolla]

It was nice to see Stephen A. Smith go nuts defending you. But also, it's also this weird thing, and that probably called off a lot of the dogs and then got a lot of bunch of dogs called on to him. It's insane that in 2014, where we've become so hypersensitive about everything and, you know, for instance, as a guy who's built, started, run, and sold and managed many businesses, that if you were treating this country like a business, this would be the biggest fucking waste of time on the planet. You would fire everybody. Like, you'd be like, what are we doing? We have homeless people. We have potholes. Measles are making.

[Mark Cuban]

To deal with, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Measles are making a comedy. Come back, people. What are we doing with Mark Cuban saying what? This is insane. Well, it's just insane how many calories are burnt on trying to demonize people. That, by the way, I say to people all the time, when they go, well, they're calling you a misogynist or calling you racist and xenophobic. I always go, they don't believe it. They don't believe it.

[Mark Cuban]

The people that are calling, they don't care. It's not that they believe or disbelieve. They don't even care. They're just doing what they think they have to do because intellectually they don't know what else to do, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And it's become a business. And it's so bizarre, you know, it's so funny how We've changed. And how quickly we've changed. I went to. I went and checked out the Winchester Mystery House house some years ago. I was playing a theater in San Jose or something. I had nothing to do. And I said, I'm going to go to the Winchester Mystery House. And for those of you who don't know the story, the heir to the Winchester throne was an old woman who went nuts and ended up spending all this money building a house with stairways that went nowhere and windows that didn't lead to the outside. It was just, you know, crazy old woman stuff. And at some point, they said they took all the furniture out and they auctioned it off in San Francisco. And I don't know when it was 1922 or whatever it was. And I said, well, it must have fetched a pretty penny knowing that all the furniture is coming from the Winchester Mystery House. And they said, no, they just auctioned it off. They didn't say where it was from. And I said, why didn't they say where it was from? They could have got a whole bunch more money for that sofa. They said, it's from the Winchester Mystery House. And they just said things weren't done that way back then.

[Mark Cuban]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

And I just thought, yes, quiet, dignity, privacy, respect, decor, content.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah. Yes, it's different. It's different. But once the newspaper and media once. Once newspapers started to go under and had to revitalize and figure out digital, and once cable and television and the Internet all started to compete, people got desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures, and that's what we're seeing.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is a little weird and sort of Twilight Zone. This could be a Twilight Zone in the sense that Mark Cuban, who is at the tip of the spear of all the media and all the technology and all this stuff and made millions and millions of dollars from this technology, is now getting bit in the ass by it.

[Mark Cuban]

But you know what, Adam? I wasn't bit in the ass. That was really interesting. Like, someone came up to me and go, oh, my God, you know, this must be driving you crazy. And I'm like, you know, all I did was not watch TV and not look at my Twitter for two days, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, it was nothing. It doesn't.

[Mark Cuban]

And it was nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's. It is one of those things where it literally. It doesn't exist if you don't make it appear. If you travel, you know, when you do a crazy travel thing and you just don't open your computer for two days, or you're just Doing whatever. It literally doesn't exist. It's a tree falling in the forest, calling you a racist.

[Mark Cuban]

That's exactly, that's exactly right. It's crazy. Now here's the flip side. Okay, so let's strategize, right? So now you got sit there. I asked myself. I say self. Okay, note to self. What? How do you deal with that? Or how do you anticipate it and what do you do about it? Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Oh, I think self just fell off. You know what, let me put them on hold. I gotta do a live read anyway. Man. Great. Wait, I screwed that up. Donaldson. Sorry, man. Crate searching for a Father's Day gift. And we'll get Mark back on the blower. Check out mancrates.com awesome gifts for guys packed in a wooden crate, delivered with a crowbar. All types of crates, survival gear, grilling tools. It's all there. Barware, exotic jerky. Yeah, man. Crate baby dad. He deserves it. And by the way, they'll do the laser Etch. They'll put his name, not just dad, Harold, or, you know, whatever your dad's name is. Laser etched into a pint. Glass coasters, perfect personalized gift. And they're giving away some Corolla swag too for the first 50 buyers. So you want the swag? Check out man crates mancrates.com all right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with Mark Cuban after this.

[Mark Cuban]

Help Adam Carolla save podcasting for all of us. Donate anything you [e-mail] patentroll.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we're back with Mark Cuban. Mark, you there?

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, sorry about that. That was weird. All right, I don't know what happened. So what I was saying was, you know, what kind of strategy can you develop? And because, you know, like you said, once you're at the head, it's not going to just be a one off event, right? You know, you kind of become a target and people, you know, just look for you to trip up or look for it to create some headline porn around you. And what I've kind of decided is, you know, I keep on trying to build my platform and so I try to make sure that when I do media, I kind of balance it out. So I'll do a podcast, you know, a leading podcast like you. I'll do, I'll do a show on radio, I'll do an ESPN show, but I want, I don't do a lot within each category. It's not like I make, you know, do a satellite tour of all.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Hey, Mark, I think your phone's fading on. On your end a little. Can you hear me?

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, I can hear you perfectly.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Yeah. You're saying you don't do 10 podcasts, you do my podcast?

[Mark Cuban]

Well, yeah. No, you want it because you want to be balanced, right? Because because of all the polarization when it comes to these topics, you are able to find kind of a counterbalance and when somewhere else. Right. And so if it's. If it's a sports issue, like in. With all the sterling stuff, ESPN wanted to make it all about the NBA. When in reality, I wasn't thinking about the NBA at all when I was talking about it. I was talking to a group of small business people and entrepreneurs, and that's. You know, I tried to tailor it to that audience. And, you know, then CNBC wanted to make it what they wanted. Fox and MSNBC each had their own angles. And so, you know, what I've tried to do now is just have a platform, because I know that this is going to happen again, and I know that I've got to have a platform large enough to reply, because if I don't, I have no way to deal with it or to slap it down if it's nonsense, like what's happened recently.

[Adam Carolla]

Switching gears here, I know you hear it all the time, but Shark Tank. Love that show.

[Mark Cuban]

It's great, isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone loves that show because it's unlike most shows where the judges. My God, I walked in the other night, my twins and my wife were watching America's Got Talent, and I had to watch that just empty head of Heidi Klum spitting out a bunch of nothing. My God, that woman gets. She gets nominated for Emmys every year for that stupid design show she does, but she never says a word. She never says a word. She just, like, sits there and goes, I thought it was good, but it could have been better. Howard, what could be so good?

[Mark Cuban]

She looks so good saying it, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. Could you imagine, by the way, if you were Heidi Klum? I mean, if Heidi Klum looked like us, she'd be told to shut up a thousand times a day. No one's listening.

[Mark Cuban]

Just like we have, right? Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

I spent my entire youth having people yelling at me, shut up. No one cares which stupid absent. Meanwhile, when Heidi Klum was 16, living in Strudeldorf, everyone was going, oh, my God, she's opened her mouth. There may be room for my penis in it, but when I watch Shark Tank, I'm like, I'm learning a lot about business. Like I'm watching business guys not speaking sound bites and not having the pretty talking heads. I'm hearing a strategy and I really love it. As someone who owns a small business, I really feel like I'm learning a lot from this.

[Mark Cuban]

Oh good. I mean, that's the idea. I mean, but it is real. Every bit of that show is 100% real. When they walk in the door, the only thing we know about them is their first name. We don't have any background when their pitch is done. We're not allowed to do quick look ups. They don't cut away and okay, look something up on your phone and get some info. I mean everything is off the top of our head. And we're also very competitive. And so, and so we're concentrating, we're trying to come up with the right questions, we're trying to determine if we're going to spend our hard earned money to invest in this company. And then I also try to make it so that even if it's a company I don't want to invest in, I try to give some words of wisdom because I want them to be successful. If anything, what Shark Tank is about, it's about telling everybody that the American dream is alive and well for all the reasons we were talking about earlier. Not everybody believes that. But you turn on Shark Tank on a Friday night and you see some, some guy and his daughter from Podunk, Iowa, wherever the hell they're from and they're selling this screen repair shit that no one ever thought of but you know is a good idea, you realize that anything is possible and that's what makes the show special.

[Adam Carolla]

I know my only problem is when I see that 28 year old chick from Iowa and she's like, I have nine kids. So after I get up every morning and I milk the cows and I feed them all breakfast and carry them on to school, then I come home and I try to figure out a way to get my makeup budget to be stretched just a little bit further. So I came up with this Q tip with a shovel end on it.

[Mark Cuban]

Remember that one?

[Adam Carolla]

I do. And I'm sitting there and I'm looking at her and she's like, I made $51,000 last year just on these. And I'm looking at her and I'm going, thanks. But then I'm looking at my wife and I'm going, what the. Aren't you thinking about this stuff? You should be thinking about this. Why am I doing the thinking? Why are you watching America's Got Talent. I'm watching Shark Tank. You watch Shark Tank, you figure out you're throwing away that makeup when it's half done. Where's your stick?

[Mark Cuban]

Oh, you're killing me.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're right, right? Like you see those women and you're like, what the. Where'd you find this one? Look at her.

[Mark Cuban]

Trust me, there's times, there's times when people walk in there and you're just like, what the hell? And you, sometimes you got to remember, you know, I tell myself this, you know, at the end of the day, this is a TV show. So, you know, the producers have got to bring in some comedy too. But I gotta tell you, you know what, whether it's the little spatula, miniature spatula. You know, there's times when, when they start presenting and I'm rolling my eyes and I'm like ready just to slam it. Then all of a sudden they get to something, they're like, wait. And you're like, wait a minute, those little mini spatulas. To get that last bit of man of makeup out is actually not a bad idea. You know, I like. And, and they do deserve credit.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it when they do the. Well, last year we only did $1300 worth of business, but we've projected 2.7 million for this year, for 2015. And you're like, you've projected that asshole. That's your projection.

[Mark Cuban]

Come on, man. You get some of these guys that, you know, the worst ones are the ones that have like, that have the MBAs, right? They went to some Ivy League school, they got an mba and they're just trying to dazzle you with bullshit. So we have this guy. So when, when they do their pitches and we ask the questions, the bullshit ones last 20 minutes, right, you know, they're in their, out there, they're TV. Then they'll typically the last 60 to 90 minutes. And when, when they come in, we'll do, you know, we'll start at 8, 8:30 in the morning and they'll just bring in deal after deal after deal. They're not organized into, into shows. They just bring the deals one after the other and they package them. Well, the smarter they are, the, you know, the more bullshit we hear. We had one guy called plate topper, right, where he thought he was going to try to outsmart five, five Starks and you know, really pulled, pulled a wool over. I. This dude went on for two and a half fucking hours and we couldn't get him to understand that nobody wanted his deal. I mean, you know, while the little ones out of Iowa are interesting, they're, you know, aspirational, they're motivational. I got to tell you, the worst part of Shark Tank sitting there are the hard. Not the hard. The Ivy League NBA's. Because they don't shut up and they over inflated value and they're the ones that really rarely get the deals.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know the worst part of it, I just. I have this term that Mark, you're free to use if you like, but I always say, I don't want to make FU money. I want to make F me money, meaning I can do something that's horrible to myself financially. Just because you're a dick. Like, and with fu. Money's good to have, but F me money, that's great.

[Mark Cuban]

Far better.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm guessing, right? So you can sit there and watch the Winklevoss twins get up there and pitch their bullshit. There might be times when you think, you know what? This person could actually make me some money. But they're such douchebags, I don't want to get in business with them. So that's F me money, meaning I may lose a little money by not getting in business with this guy, but I can't stand him versus the all the time.

[Mark Cuban]

Oh, there's no point. Yeah, like, if someone's going to drive me crazy, there's been a couple deals where I just knew that this dude or whoever would just. Would not shut up. Would not leave me. It's just. Life's too short, right? I don't need the money. I need my time a lot more than I need my money. And you know, it does take time to support all these companies. I've done 30 deals. Deals. But you're right. F me money. I don't need the money that bad. Where I'm gonna put up with your. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what is. Yeah. So for you, if I said that.

[Mark Cuban]

Leave me the alone, I'm out.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you announce you have F me money the next time you do it. And like I said, the entire.

[Mark Cuban]

I think they edit that out. I have a hard enough time saying ass the.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that. That brings me back to you then obviously you don't need any more money. But as I've said, and you can tell me whether you agree with this or not, money is just sort of a unit that our society pays you in. When you're successful and you're smart and you. It becomes a challenge. Like, how many more of these units can I collect? Not because I'm greedy, but because I'm sort of challenging myself.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, it's a scorecard. It's a scoreboard, right? It really is a scoreboard. Once you get your basics taken care of and then once you get your fantasy stuff taken care of, your dream stuff, right, Then it's more about don't fuck it up. And you know, as long, as long as you're okay, then, you know, at least with, in my case, I just like to compete, right? You know, that's the point.

[Adam Carolla]

Like people go, what do you need? What you have five cards, what do you need? Six cars? Like, no, you don't need any of it. You need a TV dinner. That's what you need, right?

[Mark Cuban]

I mean, people like, oh, so what's your favorite fancy restaurant? 7 11. Like I go to the same place, the same, tuna for sandwiches. I don't give a shit about that, it's just. But I do what I care about. I want you to know to the core of your heart that that 22 year old kid who just graduated from Ivy League and thinks they're going to start a business is going to kick my ass. No fucking way, right? I'm gonna do what I can because I love to compete. And you might think you've got the. Because, you know, hot shot. There's a hot shot that or you're young and I'm older now. I'm like, I don't care, bring it. I want, I'm gonna show you. You know, it's like, like certain people like the box, right? You want to get in a ring and you want to show that you can take a hit and hit back, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And so it's like again, it's not money, it's not dollars, it's units of success. And not only units of success, but being effective, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, of course everybody wants to go, you know. You know, people say they love, I love cars, people love to go, you know what I paid for this car eight years ago, you know what it's worth today? They're not even going to sell it. They don't need the money. They like the idea that they saw eight years before everyone else saw what they should put their money into. And now they have those units of success.

[Mark Cuban]

I mean, I call it this way all the time. I call it the sport of business. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Mark Cuban]

Business is a sport. And you compete 24 by 7, by 365 by forever. And you're not just competing against the five guys across the court from you or the other guy in the ring, you are competing Competing against everybody because you don't know who or who isn't starting a business to compete with you. So you have to be prepared to compete with everybody. And that is the ultimate intellectual and commitment challenge. And that's what gets me fired up. That's why I do this stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, speaking of that, these patent trolls, a perfect example of something that gets you fired up. We're being sued. My podcast is being sued by patent trolls as we speak. I know you've run into these guys and have been sued by them in the past. I say to people, it's a perfect example of un American. It's just as un American. All the things we stand for as Americans, they are the antithesis of.

[Mark Cuban]

I agree 100%. Right? You know, you want people to. You want people to take risks and create companies. You want people to continue to push the envelope. And when a troll comes along and either creates a bullshit pattern patent or buys one or leases one, all the different approaches they take, all it does is just crush innovation and crush jobs. And it's horrible. I mean, it's worse than horrible. It is. It's decelerating. The American economy is bad, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And Congress had a chance to do something about it. A few weeks ago, I was in Washington, D.C. and Leahy shot it down in the 11th hour. And a lot of people say Trial Lawyers association and some groups like that may have gotten to him. But I don't know what your take on it is vis a vis the government.

[Mark Cuban]

You know, I can argue a lot of different things, but the reality is the patent. Once we enabled process patents and software patents, that's when everything went into the shitter, right? So in terms of what the government needs to do, you know, in my mind, if you got rid of software patents, if you got rid of process patents, you still had, you know, pharmaceutical patents, you still had patents for mechanical innovations. You still have physical products. We'd be so much further ahead. And, you know, what really is molded. My viewpoint on this goes back to the 1980s, when I was 23, I guess, was I started writing. 24, I started writing software, and I started doing systems integration. I did things. Things like I took a video camera, connected it to a PC, and wrote software so that Zales Corporation could take video of watches or whatever and integrate it into their inventory system so they didn't have to have one of everything in a safe. So if a buyer wanted to order these watches, you know, it was the first time it had been done. Never crossed my mind.

[Adam Carolla]

Work management platforms, endless onboarding it bottlenecks admin requests. But what if things were different? Monday.com is different. No lengthy onboarding, beautiful reports in minutes, custom workflows you can build on your own. Easy to use prompt, free AI, huh. Turns out you can love a work management platform.

[Mark Cuban]

Monday.com the first work class platform you'll.

[Mike O'Malley]

Love to use to do.

[Mark Cuban]

Patent. Never crossed anybody's mind to patent all that stuff. You know, I read something that said as of 1989, after Apple had been in business more than 10 years, they had one patent. One. You know, it just wasn't a way of doing business matter back then. The whole PC industry was born because you had intel and intel clones. You know, you had the IBM PC and then you had Compaq. You had all these clones. I mean, you couldn't create a clone computer anymore because you'd be sued into oblivion. And so, you know, we. We had the biggest boom of technology in the 80s and early 90s. And then all of a sudden, all the patent stuff really started to build. Actually, even post Internet, like, you know, we started broadcast Audio Net, which turned into broadcast.com. we did so many things that were the first. I mean, there was no streaming business before we started Audio Net. Nobody streamed. They haven't even been considered. You know, we, you know, things that Pandora, Spotify, YouTube do today, we were doing 15 years ago and never crossed my mind to do a patent.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I mean, by the same token, on a sort of more micro level, when I got my first job doing construction back in the early 80s when I was 19, I was cutting some stucco back outside a house and the scaffolding broke and I fell two stories and landed on my ass and I fucked myself up, but not so badly that I didn't show up the next day with a limp because I wanted to keep my $7 an hour job. And I never went home and went, I, I'm suing these motherfuckers. I'm going to own that house and that. I'm going to own that construction company. It never crossed. It didn't cross my mind. Just like it didn't cross your mind when you were doing the. Doing the stuff for jail, right?

[Mark Cuban]

You did your shit. You, you know, you did the best you can, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't. I mean, I didn't even take the next day off, but I suppose I could have sat home and some epsom salts or something and rested my ass a little bit, but I, I just went, fuck it. I'm showing up the next day now as I say to people all the time, like, you want to know the difference between this country now and the country when we were coming up? I said, look, all you have to do is watch daytime tv. When I used to watch daytime TV when I was in junior high, every single commercial was about being a trucker, learning to work in a doctor's world. You can do toaster repair, you can learn to weld. It was all about, hey, you're sitting on the sofa. Obviously you're unemployed because this commercial is running at noon on a Tuesday. But you can get behind the wheel of an 18 wheeler, I can get you your license in two weeks. You can hit the open road and start making money for your family.

[Mark Cuban]

We still run those commercials, but I get your point now.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all lawyers. It's all lawyers saying, don't move an inch. We're gonna get you. We're gonna. We're gonna, you know somebody.

[Mark Cuban]

You know, I try not to think that way. I really don't want to let myself think that way. Like the Shark Tank stuff, you watch it with your kids. It's the number one show on television, watched by families together. The American dream is alive and well. Now there's people on the edges that are trying to fuck it up, right? So that's where I get after the patent, folks, because you're exactly right. Do the fucking work. Don't try to fucking steal someone else's work and call it a patent and say you had a license to it when you had no intention of doing the work. Right? That's what gets me about patents. You know what? If you. If you created a patent for, I don't give a fuck what it is, and you busted your ass, you just went to the wall to do everything possible. You dedicated your life to making it work. And you know what? I happen to stumble into the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Mark. Your phone got a little wanky again. Can you hear me okay?

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, I can hear you.

[Adam Carolla]

We're on a roll, though. Keep going.

[Mark Cuban]

Okay. You know, I can respect you if you've done the work right? And I'll even deal with you suing me if you've done the work. But when these motherfuckers tried to see what someone else is doing and just steal it from them, that's what patent trolls are to me.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree, but, like, what. What. What about when the government colludes with them? I mean, we're being sued from a company out of, like, Lubbock, Texas, and I spent the first $50,000 I spent with attorneys was Trying to get a change of venue. I'm in Los Angeles. The company that's suing me is based out of Vermont or something. What are we doing with it?

[Mark Cuban]

Right, But Texas is the venue for all the patent shit. It's a mess.

[Adam Carolla]

And then the judge says, well, they got a PO Box over here, so you guys all have to come out to my district in Texas.

[Mark Cuban]

Well, you know what's even worse? Yeah. They come. And the reason the judge says that is because. Because that's how Lubbock and that that whole area is making all their money because they become a patent haven. You know, it's just like Delaware has all the corporations. You know, that part of Texas now has everything for patents. It's. It's horrible. You know, okay, what does the government do that, you know, they've got to change the law on patents. That's why I put up 250 grand and I forget the guy's name, he put another 250 grand up. It was a game designer did. And we created the Mark Cuban chair to eliminate stupid patents. And I'll keep on giving money to that chair to keep on fighting Leahy and the lawyers, whoever are behind, you know, trying to keep the status quo, because it has to change. It has to change now. You know, I've talked to some folks in D.C. and they realize how bad it is. The president realizes. I've mentioned it to the president. I've mentioned it to senators. They all know it's wrong. It's just, you know, fighting all these lawyers is not going to be easy. But it will change. I had. I'm 100% certain it will change. It's just all the pain we have to feel fighting, fighting all the. The assholes that are suing as patent trolls.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And I know in the crazy expense that is that entails.

[Mark Cuban]

And I'll give you a perfect example, okay. You know, like when you. You see, you know, I magnolia you, you created, made movies, you try to get them distributed. You know what it's like to get it indie movie distributed, right?

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, Mark, I got two killer movies for you. And I'm almost done with both of them. One's a Paul Newman racing doc, and the other is a indie comedy that you're gonna love. So what was the name of your.

[Mark Cuban]

Movie when you were the boxer? What was the name of it?

[Adam Carolla]

That. That was the Hammer.

[Mark Cuban]

The Hammer. I like the Hammer.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know.

[Mark Cuban]

You could jump rope like that, but it was a good movie. I still pissed at you. For not using Magnolia, but we'll put that aside.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll. We'll make it up on the next deal here.

[Mark Cuban]

So on Magnolia, right, 2006, I'm like, I've got to change the game because it's. They take so much money in PNA in order to release a movie. I can't compete with the big guys. So we have Magnolia Distributors, and we also own landmark theaters, which focuses on indie movies. So I go to my guys, I said, look, we're going to change it. Now that satellite is digital and cable television is becoming more digital, what I want to do is put movies on pay per view 30 days before they're in theaters, right? And so now it's a. We created this whole category, and now it's getting a lot bigger, and that's how we make money. Magnolia, we're doing really well with it. You know, it's a lot easier just to hit a remote control and say, yes, I'll buy the pay per view for film. 15 bucks than it is to get off your ass and go to the movies. So that works for us.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not. Not only that, but that. You got to realize your TV set is now 60 inches versus 13. Absolutely.

[Mark Cuban]

It's all digital everything. So wait, so here comes the moral of the story, right? So I do that, and six months ago, give or take, I get sued because some guy said I'm violating a patent that he got that says if you released a movie before it's in theaters, violation.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, phone just busted up again. Either I'm back again. Wow.

[Mark Cuban]

That's my fault. I'm in Orlando.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, you know, it's. It's, It's. It's almost. It's almost like it hits tilt when you get too excited.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, probably. That's probably it. No. So this guy sued me over my idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Mark Cuban]

My idea to put movies on pay per view before they're in theaters. He gets a patent for it and sues me over it.

[Adam Carolla]

So fucking sad. Well.

[Mark Cuban]

Oh, it's unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

Mark, next time you're in la, come see us in. In person and I'll. I'll give you a nice.

[Mark Cuban]

Off the air. Have your guy email me. We're shooting Shark Tank starting in two weeks. Why don't you come by the set?

[Adam Carolla]

I would love it. And I even have an invention to pitch to you guys.

[Mark Cuban]

Okay, never mind. You're uninvited.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll leave the invention at home.

[Mark Cuban]

There you go. Hey, let me give my plug again. Cyber Dust. If you're into protecting your digital footprint and you want to be able to send messages that disappear 30 seconds after they're read. No chance you recover. They never touch a hard drive. They did. They're. They're gone forever. Guarantee. Try Cyber Dust. It's in the Apple Store now and it'll be Android in a couple weeks. We're testing now, but it's C Y B E R dust D U S T two words. And if you want to follow me and get my, my blast updates on Cyber does I send some cool stuff, follow me at Blog Maverick BL B L O G M A V E R I C K Blog Maverick on cyberduck.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can Twitter him at Mark Cuban and Mark Cuban.com AM Cuban.

[Mark Cuban]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, Mark, I do want to come visit you on the set. I'm a big fan and I'd love to come check it out. So let's do it.

[Mark Cuban]

Yeah, I'll be out there in two weeks. So let's plan.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll do it and we'll come say hi and thank you so much for being on the program. I appreciate it.

[Mark Cuban]

No, I appreciate you having me on. I've been looking forward to doing it. Thanks, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. The great Mark Cuban. You gotta love. See, there's a guy energy. I mean, you can just feel the enthusiasm pouring through, but you can feel the passion good and the passion bad. Right? Like, here's a guy who wants to go out, he wants to innovate, he wants to create, he wants to create jobs, he wants to create wealth. But he also, he's a good guy. This notion of like, oh, rich guy Mark Cuban with his private jets. No, that's good. He's good. And then you can feel the passion coming through when he's talking about the patent trolls. If you'd like to help us, by the way, you can go to fundanything.com patentroll and you can contribute because this trial is heating up and it's happening. It is almost upon us. All right. Of course. My book president, me. You want the jacket? Sign, buy and send it in. How about that? We do it all the time. I talk to people all the time and they go, hey, I sent the jacket in and you sent it back. Send us the self address stamped envelope and send us the jacket and I'll sign the book jacket and then I'll send it back to you. And that's how we do it. Also, I got a whole bunch of hardcover copies of not Taco Bell material. Like literally like 5,000 of them. Sitting two feet away from where I'm sitting right now. And I just got to move them. We ain't worried about making a big profit. So you send that in and for 10 bucks, we'll send you the hardcover signed as well. And we'll take care of shipping, too. So, again, pretty much break even for me. But I want you to get the book. And I got 5,000 of them here taking up space. So we'll work on that. All right. Thank you so much for tuning into this special one on one episode with the great Mark Cuban. Until next time is Adam Carolla from Mark Cuban Saiyan Mahalo. All right.

[Giovanni]

That's Adam's one on one with Mark Cuban. That does it for these pro classics. Until tomorrow. And get it on.