Mark Geragos + Jo Koy (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode: "Mark Geragos + Jo Koy (Carolla Classics)"
Release Date: January 19, 2025
Hosts: Adam Carolla, Brian Bishop, Allison Rosen
Guests: Mark Geragos, Jo Koy
Podcast Platform: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital

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1. Introduction to Corolla Classics

Giovanni introduces “Corolla Classics,” a companion podcast featuring highlights from 15 years of "The Adam Carolla Show."

2. Prison Photo Requests Exhibit Discussion

Timestamp: 00:53 – 04:33

Adam and Brian discuss a Brooklyn-based photo exhibit titled "Photo Requests from Solitary," which showcases inmates' desires for photographs while in solitary confinement.

Notable Quotes:

• Brian Bishop [00:53]: "It's called Photo Requests from Solitary."
• Adam Carolla [03:10]: "I want to see stills from the show. Locked up abroad. Exactly."

Adam expresses skepticism about the authenticity of the exhibit, questioning whether inmates truly request idyllic scenes like the Taj Mahal or the Aurora Borealis, suggesting that it might be a contrived narrative.

3. Reflections on Media and Personal Anecdotes

Timestamp: 01:00 – 03:53

Adam reflects on his childhood, comparing himself to the idealized families portrayed in shows like "The Brady Bunch." He shares personal feelings of inadequacy contrasted with the perfect lives depicted on television.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [02:29]: "One guy in here is telling me that I want to go outside and look at the pictures of the bay. I just don't think."
• Brian Bishop [04:35]: "They're making them sound like puppies or something."

4. Discussion on Alec Baldwin’s Current Situation

Timestamp: 07:39 – 10:05

The hosts delve into Alec Baldwin's public desire for privacy amidst his shifting public perception. They speculate on his feelings of isolation after his previous popular standing.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [08:51]: "He feels rudderless or can."
• Brian Bishop [09:07]: "The Internet has been up his ass for the last year."

5. Personal Health and Lifestyle Adjustments

Timestamp: 10:02 – 22:48

Adam discusses his recent Lasik surgery and the adjustments it necessitated, especially while working on audiobooks and attending live shows. The conversation shifts to Adam’s dog, Molly, detailing her severe health issues and the emotional toll it has taken on him and his family.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [10:03]: "They're on her liver. Oh, she's on chemo for six weeks."
• Brian Bishop [21:22]: "She needs to go back and feed her? Who's giving her the shots?"

6. Generational Labels and Societal Impact

Timestamp: 25:36 – 35:12

The hosts critique the modern tendency to label generations (e.g., Baby Boomers, Gen X) and the pressure these labels impose on individual identities. They argue that such categorization fosters unnecessary competition and diminishes personal uniqueness.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [25:36]: "It's a form of rape. I'm just saying here's."
• Brian Bishop [26:10]: "Everyone still feels the competition."

7. Insights on Radio Show Dynamics and Contract Negotiations

Timestamp: 36:17 – 41:28

Adam recounts his experience with co-host Danny Bonaduce and the challenges he faced in negotiating creative differences with radio executives. He explains his strategic decision to stay silent and eventually exit the show, highlighting the often brief careers of radio personalities.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [34:53]: "I just stayed home and I didn't answer my phone either."
• Brian Bishop [35:46]: "It was a gentleman's agreement."

8. Advice on Joke Writing and Comedy Craft

Timestamp: 28:00 – 43:18

A listener named Pierce calls in seeking advice on joke writing and performing comedy. Adam offers practical tips, emphasizing the importance of capturing observations and crafting humor from everyday experiences.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [28:50]: "Have a pad and a pen."
• Pierce [28:00]: "I'm trying to be more funny when it comes to stand-up."

9. Societal Expectations on Women’s Appearance

Timestamp: 70:04 – 84:36

The discussion turns to the societal pressures women face regarding their hair. Allison Rosen and Adam debate the unrealistic standards and the excessive time and resources women invest in maintaining their hairstyles.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [72:00]: "Just shave the head and wear the bra on the head."
• Allison Rosen [73:43]: "No, no way. It was awful, flat, greasy, horrible hair."

10. Book Signing Challenges and Practical Advice

Timestamp: 99:22 – 107:46

Adam shares his frustrations with book signings, particularly the logistical issues of timing and attendee expectations. He provides humorous yet insightful suggestions on managing book signing events effectively.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [106:00]: "Someone's getting a million bucks last year. DraftKings."
• Giovanni [107:26]: "That's a real all about puppy story."

11. Current Events and News Highlights

Timestamp: 112:09 – 165:17

The hosts briefly touch upon various news topics, including natural disasters like earthquakes and mudslides, the discovery of Earth-sized planets, and sensational cases involving public figures. While these segments are interspersed with humor and personal commentary, they provide listeners with a mix of entertainment and information.

Notable Quotes:

• Brian Bishop [121:04]: "It's a racial thing."
• Adam Carolla [160:45]: "God is pissed."

12. Closing Remarks and Final Advertisements

The episode concludes with segment teasers and advertisements, promoting services like LegalZoom, Dollar Shave Club, and NatureBox.

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Key Takeaways:

• Critique of Media Representations: Adam highlights the disparity between idealized TV portrayals and real-life struggles, emphasizing the impact on personal self-esteem.

• Challenges in Entertainment Industry: Insights into the difficulties of maintaining creative integrity within the rigid structures of radio and show hosting.

• Societal Pressures: A strong critique of how societal labels and beauty standards impose unnecessary burdens on individuals, particularly women.

• Personal Struggles and Resilience: Adam’s candid discussions about his dog Molly’s health issues reflect broader themes of responsibility, compassion, and emotional resilience.

• Practical Advice for Creatives: Valuable tips for aspiring comedians and entertainers on joke writing, performance, and navigating the entertainment landscape.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Adam Carolla [02:29]: "One guy in here is telling me that I want to go outside and look at the pictures of the bay. I just don't think."

• Adam Carolla [10:03]: "She's on chemo for six weeks."

• Adam Carolla [25:36]: "It's a form of rape. I'm just saying here's."

• Adam Carolla [28:50]: "Have a pad and a pen."

• Adam Carolla [72:00]: "Just shave the head and wear the bra on the head."

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Conclusion

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and critical discussions on societal issues. Through candid conversations and engaging banter, Adam and his co-hosts provide listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful reflections on various aspects of life, media, and the entertainment industry.

Transcript

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics for which the ad free archives are exclusively available through Adam Corolla's substack. Make sure to check out adamcarolla.substack.com, sign up, get access. You can also get access to Beat it out, the new show currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore. All right, let's get to the clips coming up. First, we have a classic we're all familiar with, Adam Carollo Show 1166. Mark Garagos, David Wilde, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. 2013. Adam contemplates what prisoners miss most.

[Brian Bishop]

So there's a photo exhibit. It's in Brooklyn right now, but I think it moves around and it's called Photo Requests from Inmates in Solitary.

[Adam Carolla]

Or.

[Brian Bishop]

No, sorry, it's called Photo Requests from Solitary. And so people in solitary confinement at this prison in Illinois were asked, if you could see a photo of anything, what would it be?

[Adam Carolla]

Brucey Lips. Okay, that. That can't really be true.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it is not what Adam said, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they had. Come on.

[Brian Bishop]

They had to filter.

[Adam Carolla]

They had to filter this, right? This was not. This was not your top 100. That took them 17,000 requests before they got to the Taj Mahal or some guy who. Aurora Borealis. I want to see the blue sky. Maxfield Parish, please.

[Brian Bishop]

So they have some actual photographs and then they have some of the unfilled requests. Perhaps what you just said, Adam would be there. What I'm wondering or what I'm realizing though is that I don't know that they ever actually get to see these photos.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. That's the part that's unclear.

[Giovanni]

But people in Brooklyn, it's kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a prison Make a Wish foundation.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right. It's more like what would people in prison, what would their wish be be? Let's put it in a museum.

[Adam Carolla]

I looked it up. Number one, pussy lips. Number two, Monet's days at Givernae. That's ironically just. Those were the first.

[Brian Bishop]

What's the difference really, though? So like, for example, here's a request. I would like to see the downtown Chicago or the Lake of Chicago. It will bring me happiness to see a real nice picture of the downtown, please. A good place to eat or two, you know, nice cars. I've been locked up for 17 long years.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this And I don't want to tell you how to live if you're in the hole. But. But hear me now. I, as a young lad who grew up in my own form of prison known as the Corolla House. Watching the black and white 13 inch zenith. The box that came in was probably about the size of the house. I used to watch the shows like the Brady Bunch and get depressed because they would have these Brady meetings where they all showed up in one room with. And also that cool Brady House. A nice, cool art. Dad was cool. That Alice. Everything was cool. The biggest problems they had was, you know, someone got a C minus on a trig test or something. Yeah, right. They had nothing. That started a band. Everything.

[Brian Bishop]

They worked so well together.

[Adam Carolla]

I would watch that show and I just see Carol and Bob or whoever. No, wait. Carol. Mike Brady, like, climb into bed at night and kiss each other. And she'd be wearing something fashionable. And she'd have her hair all done up and stuff. And then I'd look at my pathetic family and want to kill myself. But then I would switch it over to like Sanford and Son or Good Times. And all of a sudden I feel a little bit better about myself. These guys should want to see pictures of Turkish prisons. Right? Midnight Express, Tijuana, Drunk Tank and shit like that. Where you go. You know what? Not so bad. Not so bad here. Right. Why do you want to envy? Why do you want to think about where you can't ever be? I want to see stills from the show. Locked up abroad. Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

And not the reenactment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And then you know just how good you had it. Exactly. Instead you want to see a bunch of pictures of pyramids and open sky. I don't. I. You know what? I still don't buy it. I just. I don't buy that this is anywhere near the top of the list of the pictures these guys want to see.

[Giovanni]

Why is everyone dying right now?

[Brian Bishop]

It might not be near the top.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even think it's in the. The top. One. 10,000. I think they made it up. I don't buy it. Yeah. I think this is a contrived story. I don't think there's anywhere. I've been in prisons. I was in San Quentin two months ago. I don't think any guy in there is telling me that I want to go outside and look at the pictures of the bay. I just don't think. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They're making them sound like puppies or something, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, or, you know, kind of nascent poets. Give me a break. Is San Quentin some of the nicest real estate on the planet? The most gorgeous real estate. They talk about the budget here in California. You want to solve the budget, you move those guys to the high desert and you sell the real estate there at San Quentin. That view of that area is a developer's dream. Every time I pass it, I just think, my God, put a chance championship golf course on here and some condos. They could literally get rid of the deficit. It's the most idyllic coastline that you could ever see. And I mean, it's with the breeze coming. I mean, you know, we live in the valley. It was 117, all that. Not if you're in San Quentin. You got a beautiful fucking breeze on a peninsula. Look at the, look at the way it juts out there. And it's just. All right, because I've been to the prisons in the high desert. You don't need the big old rock walls anymore. Just the razor wire and little cyclone. Fancy, right? Look at Tehachapi. Have you ever been up to Tatchapi Prison? I mean, give me a break. You're never. Or that other one that's down past San Diego, almost by the border. I mean that one there's no way to get out of. What were you doing in San Quentin? I was visiting, doing a parole hearing. And so you have to go in. And I made the giant mistake at one point I thought they were going to take me into custody of using the restroom in one of the cells there. That's right off of the parole area. The guy. Oh, you can't use that one. You gotta go use the guards restroom. Sure, there's a lot. We have a lot of rules about where you take a piss in a society. Exactly. Sorry, I didn't know I couldn't go into lockup. Even though I'm in the lockup with the guy, it's okay for him to take a piss. But I can't take a piss. Why? It's beyond me, but I wasn't gonna question him. I wanted to get the hell out of there fairly.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Krullishow, 1166. Coming up next we have Adam Krullishow, 1292. Judith Ho, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This is from 2014. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the large selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games in these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with BET Online. BETOnline. The game starts here. Good day. Allison Rosen.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolla and bald Bryan. Quiet.

[Giovanni]

So many people asking for quiet on Twitter at the hashtag toptrop. New favorite.

[Adam Carolla]

It is weird. That's Alec Baldwin. Quiet. Yeah. Try to hook up with him when he comes out here.

[Giovanni]

I'm so excited to use that at live shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We will see if we can get him on the program to figure out something for that man. Such a weird. He's in such a weird place because I feel like he was the darling of the HuffPo crowd and then he got thrown out of the tribe that he was the king of and now he doesn't really have a tribe and that's gotta be a weird feeling. It's one thing to be in a tribe and not liked by the other tribes. That's all right. You have your tribe around you and that's how it works. This is your team, they're them, and that's what we're sort of turning into. But for Baldwin, I feel like he had a tribe and his tribe kind of turned on him.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And now he feels rudderless or can.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the weird thing is when he called, he wanted your advice on sort of how to deal with all the stuff that he's. What did he say? The entire Internet. Internet has been up his ass for the last year. But then when you asked him sort of specifically what do you mean, then he's like, oh, it's not even worth talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Quiet. He's tribeless, man.

[Brian Bishop]

So I do think it is bothering him, but I think he doesn't really want to address how much it is head on because who really cares?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, again, as I always say with him, he's smart and he's too smart and when you're too smart, things bother you. And then when you get to another level of smart, it becomes like defending your life and you become ripped horn and you just start eating bitter paste for dinner and you're on such a level that only you could absorb that this is damn exciting stuff. He unfortunately is caught just beneath that level in the point that. That cares. Dynamite. Yeah. Interesting. Anyway, we'll talk to him. We'll see if we can get him coming out here and all that good stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

I have to ask, you look very handsome in your glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Why are you wearing glasses?

[Adam Carolla]

I had Lasik surgery, and it worked out okay. But as I started doing my audio book, which you see sitting in front of me, just tended to set my glasses. They helped about 20%. Like, I can read just fine. Actually, I can't read just fine, but I can make out those letters.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, some are letters.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Yeah. Oh, some are numbers, too. Yeah, I can make them out. But I realize if I'm gonna sit here for a couple hours, a little easier to do with the glasses. And then I just thought, well, you know, why not just see that? Much better anyway. My dogma. Oh, so much to talk about. Live show was great. All the guys were great. Everyone came out and did their thing, and the audience was great. And thank you, guys. We did a sort of Radiohead where you could download it for free or you could make a little contribution. And we got a nice spike, and I appreciate that, and thank you very much. I did have that thing, you know, when you encounter the weird guy early on in the night, and you go, there's no way this night is going to end without he and I standing alone by my car. Even if it's four and a half hours from now, of course. And I'm exhausted.

[Brian Bishop]

It has to happen. It has to be bookended that way.

[Adam Carolla]

It must. It must.

[Brian Bishop]

Cause you don't want it to. It has to.

[Adam Carolla]

We will have learned nothing. There's always a dude or two who's backstage that if you dress right and sort of have the right posture, nobody knows who you are or who you're with. And so nobody wants to go, hey, man, what are you doing here? Because it could turned out he could be Marc Maron's brother, Mark Maron's brother. Or Stuart Copeland's. Oh, no. Or Andy Summers, guitar tech. Or worse, Stuart Copeland's guitar tech, even worse. Like, you don't know who that guy is. Nobody knows who that guy is. He's just that guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And for some reason, backstage, no one's ever really allowed to say, who is that guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So there's a lot of that. And Marin came out was great, and Doug was great. Kevin and Bean were great, and Jimmy's great, and everything was great. And Andy Summers was great and everything. Yes, everything was. Everything was great. Yeah, Drew. And then there's that guy. And at the end of the night, did the thing, signed the autographs, went through the lobby, took the pictures. Ba, ba, ba. And at the end of the night, there, me and that guy stood alone in the parking lot by my car. And he said. I believe he said, adam, come on. First, there's a lot of. Don't you remember? Like, come on. First off, no, no, and no. Again, I do not remember. And your super cryptic tips mean nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

You mean. Come on. Didn't tell you what he meant.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. And it was like, come on.

[Giovanni]

1999.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's literally 96 Camarillo upstairs. I have no. I am the worst for that.

[Giovanni]

You're right about the cryptic clues. It's always like Sylvia's wedding. Or it's less like the 30th birthday party.

[Adam Carolla]

It was literally 96 Camarillo upstairs.

[Brian Bishop]

You remember any of those?

[Adam Carolla]

It's still no good. And then there's this part. Now, keep in mind, I left. You know, we're doing Redondo beach, okay? Show starts at 8, but for where I am and La Crescenta, La Canada, I mean, that's a fucking haul. And I'm not sure with traffic, like, when to leave. And I got two interviews to do before that, so I got to get there at 7:30. So, you know, I left my house at 6, and now it's 10:30, and we're standing in the parking lot. And then I do the. If that's all you're gonna give me, and I start climbing into the car and I get the. Oh, come on. You know that thing where it's like, come on. What do you want, a blowjob by the dumpster? Like. Well, I'm sure that's why. I'm sure he would have liked that.

[Giovanni]

That's where he saw it going.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't know. I'm tired, everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

So that's.

[Giovanni]

How do you know you from.

[Adam Carolla]

I have no.

[Giovanni]

You never finished the car?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Diamarillo, 96 upstairs.

[Adam Carolla]

No fucking idea. And that was. That was that. It was backstage the. The entire time. The. I woke up this morning, I was working on the script for Road Hard, and Lynette was gone with Natalia, which is easy because Sonny will let you sleep. Sonny will let you do what you want to do. It does if. Now, on Saturday, Lynette got up and took Sonny to the track meet early, in which case Natalia was flicking me in my forehead at 8:15 in the morning, telling me to get up. But when Sonny gets Left behind. And Natalia goes with mommy in the morning. I can sleep till noon. It does not matter. He'll play video games, pour himself cereal. It doesn't exist. It's fine. He's just there. And so it's just me and Sonny hanging around. And I see Molly coming into the room through the doggie door, and she's covered with blood. And the white. The blonde lab covered with blood is just. It's blood in the snow. Like when you see it in a movie. It just. It's a lot more vivid than on asphalt. It pops. And I know what happened. The sock that she was wearing fell off. She started scratching at these sort of tumor things she has around her neck, and the blood just starts flowing. So I did what any hero would do. I pushed her out. Oh, there's a picture of Molly, by the way. Yeah, there's a lot of. A lot of blood on Molly girl. Go to amcroll.com if you want to see my dog. Believe now. And I called Lynette and I just said, when are you going to be home? And she said, 20 minutes. And I said, okay, because Molly's bleeding and she's not dying. She scratched. She got her sock off. She scratched herself all up. She's gonna get blood all over the house. And I don't know what to do with her because I've not been tending to her. She needs to be cleaned up and ointment and all that kind of stuff. So I just put her outside and waited for mommy to come home. We're looking at some numbers. We'll get to it in a second. So I'm sitting on the sofa with Sonny, both not making any noise. I'm working on my road hard script. He's playing a video game. And all of a sudden, I just hear from out in the driveway, I just hear these screams from Natalia because she was greeted by Molly's bloody mess when she came up the driveway. And. Daddy, what did you do? Daddy, what did you do? Oh, Daddy. And then, of course, Lynette with the. What did you do? And it's like I.

[Brian Bishop]

They thought that you had caused this.

[Adam Carolla]

What women think. And what is. I don't know. All the time. All they.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe I can help bridge that gap.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what I'm saying is there's a.

[Brian Bishop]

What did you do?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a dog covered with blood, and I'm home. Now, I know they don't think I did it, but also, I'm the one who's home while the dog's covered with blood. So There's a nice bridge. There's a bridge should be built emotionally between me and what's going on with Molly. So she's covered with blood. I'm getting a lot of screaming. Natalia immediately understands what's going on here and starts digging in with me. What is you do you know? Of course, when mommy does it, why didn't you tell me? It was so, you know. And then Natalia, why didn't you said something, you know, what are you doing? And she's in the bathtub and the water's turning red, and we're trying to, you know, get the thing out of her fur. And it's a lot of what you know, And I'm like, by the way, this all on the heels of a conversation that I had on Friday doing a location scout with a guy from Road Hard. He's from Montana. His name is Nate. Wrestling champion in high school and college. Just that dude. Montana dude. And he just said, yeah. He said, well, I feel bad for my older brother. And I said, why? And he said, because when it came time, you know, when a dog got too old or hip dysplasia or whatever was going on with that dog, that was his job.

[Brian Bishop]

It was his old Yellaret.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was his job to just get the pistol out and go take the dog out and then put one through the dog's head. And it's like, yeah, that's a bummer. On the other hand, what happens is dogs get old, they start suffering, they lose their. Whatever way of life, and we've decided a way to drag them around. We can drag this out for another. There's another three to six years of the dog bloodied. You know, Molly sleeps all day now. She doesn't. You know, she's not chasing squirrels and blah, blah, blah. This is. I just texted Lynette and said, what is Molly on these days? She's on 17ccs of insulin. Now, she has to get the insulin shot after she eats her special food, but she loses her. She has no appetite anymore, so she has to have an appetite stimulant. She's also on another one that stops her from puking for food.

[Giovanni]

Anti nausea pill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Pain medication twice a day. Benadryl twice a day. Pepcid ac, I guess. Twice a day, a pill for her liver. Oh, she's on chemo. And yeah, she estimates.

[Giovanni]

Don't bury the lead. She's on chemo for six weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

She's on chemo for six weeks. And according to Lynette, I don't know where she came up with this. But I've spent $34,000, including surgeries and the snake bite, which is. Now, I do not use hyperbole when I say that is much more than my parents spent on me and my sister. And I'm including food and room and board. If you factored that in and sort of prorate it and adjust it, I will factor in room and board, and I will still say 34,000 will dwarf that amount.

[Brian Bishop]

They would have had you put down if they could have.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they would have gotten Nate's older brother to take me out to the fucking woodshed. How would I know that?

[Brian Bishop]

So, wait, is that where this is going with Molly, though? Are you feeling like it's time?

[Adam Carolla]

I started having. When this. What happens is it's not obviously, it's not just about the money. It's about the. Molly's bleeding again. Molly's got to go to the vet. You start turning into. She becomes a special needs dog. You become a nurse.

[Giovanni]

Her way of life is significantly. There's more negative than there is positive.

[Adam Carolla]

And your way of life becomes who's going to go back and feed her? Who's giving her the shots? If you're going out of town, you need a nurse. You know, basically, she's getting up in the middle of the night, there's blood everywhere. It becomes that she's covered with these tumors, and it becomes this sort of thing of, like, first off, isn't it in a weird way, being selfish, keeping her alive. Nature and her are basically saying, I'd like to take a permanent nap. We're saying, oh, no, you're not. You're getting more chemo and more shots and more drops and more everything else. She's still a sweetheart. She's blind in one eye and this, that and the other. But you're starting to plan your day around the dog now. The kids are going out of town next week, and who's going to take care of Molly? I'm working, you know, it's that kind of thing. But yeah. Anyway, blood all the way around. And son completely unfazed. Natalia wanting to know why I was trying to kill the dog. And keeps circling back to that.

[Giovanni]

The worst is it's a slow decline. Like, you know, it's a little. It's half a percent worse every day. If she woke up one day like this, you'd be like, something's got to be done. She can't go on like this. But that she's, you know, point one percent worse than yesterday. You can't really notice, Right. Next thing you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So that is poor Molly girl, and poor me and poor Lynette, who's now is basically as more. I would say, as far more effort on Molly than the kids at this. At this stage of Molly's life. And then what happens is you have to leave, and she's not eating, so she refuses to eat, but you have to leave. Well, if she doesn't eat, you can't give her her insulin shot. So how are we gonna do this? Well, it's a lot of go out and run and see Sonny and his track meet and then come back, get her to eat, give her insulin shot, and then go back. It's all right. Gary, by the way, took a picture of the back of a car that delighted me, which has the who saved who and the let's see. Kindness to animals builds a better world for all of us.

[Giovanni]

Well, that's true.

[Brian Bishop]

And I rescued my best friend.

[Adam Carolla]

How again, you getting a free dog? When did this become the stuff of heroes? And when are we gonna.

[Giovanni]

There's four paws on that car, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. When there's more paws than cylinders. It's a V6. Here's what I'm saying. When did we. This part where we all started labeling ourselves heroes. There's two ways of labeling yourself a hero. There's the I saved this dog, and then there's a separate way, which I'm starting to notice now. But it's. It's very interesting. As I said, I'm working on this Paul Newman documentary. Every time Paul Newman is interviewed, every time somebody tries to lay a compliment on him, he deflects it. Every time it's, oh, that car worked great. I gotta give the crew full credit. He literally says. He says, Shirley Temple could have gotten that car and gone like a rocket after winning the championship. You know, nothing about, I knew I could do it or any of that. Just all deflection, deflection, deflection. You know, even in his older, later days, he was like, I never sure if I was a great driver. I won four championships and this, that, and the other. It was all about that. Now I feel like we've gone the exact. And obviously this has bled into the parents because we started with the kids. Somebody tweeted me today that first, second, and third place at their kids school. Third was gold, second was platinum, and first was double platinum. So literally there was no bronze. It's like the Starbucks. There is no small. But how long before this bleeds into the adults? You know, I mean, how long?

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like it already has.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. It's now the adults who've been telling their kids they're heroes and their champions and everyone's the winners now. Now they've become heroes and champions and winners.

[Brian Bishop]

But I think the point that you made before, which I think is so right, is we can change the wording, we can change the color of the medal, we can change the language, but inside we all actually know what we're saying, even though we're trying so hard not to say it. And you still feel it. Everyone still feels the competition. You know, if someone tells you you're winning or whatever word you want to use, even if you're not, you feel that you're not being told the truth.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, tell us. It's Sunny. He's the ball to the moon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Watch him in the track meet. And he came in second to last or third to last in the 400.

[Brian Bishop]

That's double gold.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. Oh, around the license plate frame, it says, I adopted my best friend. Oh, did you say that already? And best friends. Oh, yeah. Anyway, scramble out the license plate so we don't get sued there, if you would, Gary. All right, we got some phone calls. Judith is here. Bad Words is her latest movie. Looks really good. Also, we got some Baldiwood.

[Giovanni]

I should have seen Bad Words.

[Adam Carolla]

You saw spoiler.

[Giovanni]

I should have seen Bad Words instead.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Tell you what you should have done. Audible.com leading provider of premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the ultranet, baby. Let's see. So many books out there. I'm listening to Tina Fey's Bossy Pants as we speak. Well, not as we speak, but you know what I'm saying. You can purchase individual books for real savings. Sign up for the Audible Listeners program. It gives you book credits every month for a low fee. Over 150,000 titles every genre, fiction, history, romance, mysteries, thrillers, sci fi, self development. I like that. Kids, young adult. You can get a free audiobook and a 30 day trial today by signing [e-mail] Ace that's audiblepodcast.com Ace audiblepodcast.com Ace all right, we got some phone calls out there. We got some Baldiwood in here. Let's see, patent trolls.

[Giovanni]

Three and five are both good.

[Adam Carolla]

Three and five. All right, we'll go five, work our way up. Pierce, 26, Arizona. Yeah. How's it going, Adam? Good, how you doing? Good. Long time listener, first time caller. I remember you listening to you in the morning. That the morning radio show you had back with Danny Mataducci and Teresa Strasser? I missed that kid. I mean, those kids. Yeah. Hey, interesting enough, I have a question about joke writing and kind of starting out on just kind of performing. Not performing stand up, but just being more funny. Hold on. Can I say this? What? You know, I worked with Bonaduce for a year. I liked Bonaduce, but Bonaduce, not the kind of guy you team up with. Brian.

[Giovanni]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Jack Silver, he's just not. Not my guy.

[Giovanni]

No, no. Not the kind of guy. No, no, no. It didn't. Didn't work, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But I did, and I think. I'm not blowing hot air. I like the guy. He was a nice enough guy. He's a good dude, and he definitely should have been doing his own radio show somewhere, just not with me.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I sat down with the guys.

[Giovanni]

The philosophies you guys both have in terms of radio are just completely different. They're different from the start.

[Brian Bishop]

Both basically like singers of a band.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'd say so. And I said. I mean, I sat down with the guys from CBS Radio, some of the headiest of the honchos. I went to a lunch at the Ivy with, like, the guy that was running the whole radio division, and I just said to him, listen, I just can't work with the guy. Like, I did it. I did it for a year, and I tried my hardest. And I have nothing against him personally. The fit is not working stylistically. I just don't want to do that. That is the greatest story I have ever heard. And they were like, all right. And, you know, three weeks later, signed him to a new contract and then said to me, oh, well, here we go. And I was just like, why would you do that? Like, only radio guys are fucking stupid enough to have a guy just look him in the eye and go, I don't want to work creatively with this other individual.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they think the conflict is good for the show or something, or do they just not think?

[Adam Carolla]

They don't think, number one. Number two, they don't care. Number three, it's just like, they just think, you'll just take the money, he'll just take the money. It'll be what it'll be, and that'll be that. And they think, like, my dick. My agent, James Babydal Dixon, he always said to me, once he goes, just ignore him. I said, just ignore him at 6, 10 in the morning. When he smell reeking of axe and doing chin ups and cowboy boots. You've never seen guys do chin ups and cowboy boots. It's off putting. I said, just ignore him. He said, do your show. I said. I said, baby doll, what if I just let a macaw loose in your house? And I said, just ignore it. Just ignore it. I mean, you might walk into your den holding a beer and flip on the light at night and it might be in your face flapping its wings. Or not.

[Giovanni]

Or asleep on the couch.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, or sleep on the couch and you might open your shower curtain and it may be in there flapping and cawing at you. Or not. Just move on.

[Brian Bishop]

Or maybe while you're showering, it flies in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Ignore.

[Brian Bishop]

Ignore it.

[Adam Carolla]

Ignore it.

[Brian Bishop]

Just do what you do.

[Adam Carolla]

Just ignore it and do what you do.

[Giovanni]

Easier said than done.

[Adam Carolla]

Taking the shower. Take the shower. Going to the den to watch SportsCenter. Watch SportsCenter.

[Brian Bishop]

You have every right.

[Adam Carolla]

Just ignore it. Yeah. Yeah, that's. Yeah, it was good times. So I stayed home. And it was funny because, you know, when I stayed home, I was just like, listen, fuck this. I told these guys, I told everyone what I wanted and they had. They just said, fuck him and just did it.

[Giovanni]

Anyway, my question is, whose call was it to re up the Bonaduce contract after that year? Because I'm not asking you, but I always wonder, because obviously you told the higher ups how you felt and it was the Adam Korollo show, but I think it was ultimately Jack Silver's call and he worshiped Bonaduce. And.

[Adam Carolla]

Why?

[Giovanni]

Why would you.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? Because he's stupid. I mean, that's a great question. The radio guys are notorious, notoriously dumb, and they always pick the wrong guy. I mean, I'm not the wrong guy. But what I mean is they don't, you know, believe you me, I was around during a time when there was like, Jimmy Kimmel was floating around and Ricky Rackman was floating around. And believe you me, the program director was much more into Ricky Rackman than he was Jimmy Kimmel. Big picture. That's how they work. That's how they. How it goes for a lot of these guys.

[Giovanni]

I stand by that call.

[Brian Bishop]

So you stayed home. Were you risking being fired?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Here's the thing about radio. Radio guys know, the GMs and those guys, they know that almost everyone in radio is a marginal talent at best and that they have nothing to fall back on or move on to or there's nothing. You lose your gig, you think about all the radio guys, who may have had big time, whatever, wherever the. Oh, it's the King of Cleveland or whatever it is, they move on. They don't move on to that much. That's not. Oh, we start a huge theatrical career based on. They don't. They just don't. And that's the way they proceed. And if you think of all the morning teams and all the guys, with the extremely rare exceptions of the Jimmy Kimmels or the Howard Sterns of the world, no one moves on to anything. So radio guys think that they have dominion over you and that they can just go, of course he's coming back. What's he gonna do? Go out there and do a TV show or write a book or start a podcast or whatever it is? They're not counting on you going anywhere. And more than nine times out of 10, I would say they would be right. But what they didn't reckon for with me is that I've always done something else and I've never been scared to bet on myself. So all I knew is I didn't want to go back to that, and I wasn't going to go back to that, and I didn't go back to that. I just stayed home.

[Brian Bishop]

For how long?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it was rolling into the Christmas break.

[Giovanni]

It was the last two episodes of the year, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I didn't call anyone and say I wasn't coming in or I didn't do any of that. I just stayed home and I didn't answer my phone either. Part of my.

[Giovanni]

It was like a normal day then.

[Adam Carolla]

Part of my strategy was I didn't pick up my phone when my agent would call because I didn't want him to tell them. Oh, I talked to him. Yeah, he's pissed, but he'll. He'll walk it off. You know, I didn't want. I wanted. I wanted mystery. Radio silence was better. That'd be better. And far as whether I was going to get fired or not. Figured it'd be a coin toss.

[Brian Bishop]

So the timeline was you found out that they re upped Bonaduce. So you didn't. And then you didn't show up the very next day.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember what it was. I just found out they re upped the guy. I didn't want them to re up. And we were then going to go into the Christmas break and then start the new year, and they probably figured, just give it to him right at the end and then they'll go into the Christmas break and then what's he going to do. Well, I just stayed home and, you know, people kept saying, oh, they're gonna fire you. And I said, well, if they fire me, then they'll just do Bonaduce in the morning. And I don't know how that's gonna work out for them.

[Brian Bishop]

So this was letting them see how.

[Adam Carolla]

That went, this giving them a little trial run. And so I just didn't show up. I didn't answer my phone. I didn't do anything for a period of time. And eventually Jimmy walked over to my house. Cause they're bugging him. And he said, will you pick up your fucking phone and drive me nuts? Because they were. He was involved with the morning show and there. And he used to live five houses away from me. And they were driving him insane trying to. Trying to get to me. But it all didn't work out. So that's the point.

[Giovanni]

I remember the event that precipitated. I remember the day before actually kind of. Well, I've never actually told this story on the. On the podcast or anywhere, but what happened was I don't remember exactly what Bonaduce was doing. He was being very Bonaduce. He was being just. Just doing something that was screaming and doing something theatrical on the air. And went right into a break. It's like Adam's like, and we'll be right back. And it went into a break, and, you know, Danny runs out to smoke. He did every break, pretty much went out to smoke. And Teresa went off to do whatever. Bathroom, maybe. And then it's just you and me. And you're. You leaned back and you sort of said to me, but sort of to no one, to yourself, maybe, whoever. You just kind of muttered like, I hate this show. That's what he said. And you put your headphones down, you laughed. And the next day he wasn't there.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah, that was me that happened. I forgot I said that.

[Brian Bishop]

What did you think was going on, Brian?

[Giovanni]

I sort of knew that Danny was on the fence of getting signed or not. And I sort of figured that he was feeling very emboldened by probably having re signed and probably Jack in his ear, Jack Silver in his ear, being like, you gotta. You got. This show needs the rub. This show needs the conflict in the show. I should do in the Jack voice, but telling him, you know, to amp it up, be more Bonaduce.

[Brian Bishop]

No, but I mean, when Adam didn't.

[Giovanni]

Show up, oh, sheer panic. Because I realized it was now the Danny Bonaduce show for all intents and purposes. And the next day was the Ace Awards. And he powered through them. We got through like three in the first five minutes. It's like, danny, slow down. We're supposed to inspire memories and talk of all these events. Like, oh, okay, can do.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ, I'm such a weirdo. I didn't listen to anything. I slept until 11 in the morning. By the time I got up in the morning, it was gone. The show had been over. I am wired like a frozen serial killer. And that once I stopped doing it, it's just I'd never, never existed, never, never heard it, never listened, never asked anybody if they were listening, never communicated with anyone. It just, I just went on like I was. Didn't have a job, was moving on with my life.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, so then what happened?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what happened.

[Giovanni]

That's all you. The show ended two days later.

[Adam Carolla]

@ some point, my agent and whoever else got hold of me and kept basically saying, they're gonna get rid of you and they're gonna keep him and you're gonna be screwed. And rid of you and you have a contract and he has a contract and you signed your contract. And I signed my contract, but with the understanding that they weren't going to re up him. More of a gentleman's agreement. And they just re upped him. And I just, everyone just kept telling me, they're going to get rid of you and they're not going to get rid of him. And I just remember thinking, well, it's academic. As I told my agent, I said, I'm not doing another year with him. So either way, this will assure us of that outcome. And I told this to the CBS guys too. I said, I will not do another year with him. So it'll either be him alone or me alone. But either way, I'll get my way. One way, I'll get paid a little less, but I'll still get my way. But I always told people, when it came to negotiations, and I tell people this all the time, this is how you should work. I mean, I would just tell people, as I did when I did Loveline, the TV show, I wasn't getting paid enough for season three or whatever. And I said, I'm going home and you got double my pay. And they're like, oh, they're gonna replace you with somebody. I said, well, first off, that's impossible, but good luck trying. But number two, I'm not. This is not a negotiation and a tactic. This is not worth my time for the money that you're currently paying me. It's Just not worth me being here. It's not a thing. It's like if you said, wash my van for $4, I would just go, no, it wouldn't be anything personal and it wouldn't be a negotiation to get $5. It'd just be, no, it's not worth it to me and what I'm doing right now. So I don't take this personally at all. I need enough money to make it worth my time to come here and do these shows every week. And right now we're not at that number, so I'll be moving on. If we get to that number, then I will be doing it. Same with any other job in life. And when you lay it out that way, I think it's more impactful. You know when you say to people like, I thought we had a relationship and you're really hurting my feelings and I deserve better than that. Doesn't mean anything. I just told them I will be doing the show without Danny Bonaduce or he will be doing it without me, but either way I will get what I set out to get. And that's all I said to them. And I don't know, week went by and they said, I don't know, it's you. And that was about it.

[Giovanni]

It was before we came back. It was all settled. So yeah, it was like a week.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But it didn't make for a great Christmas vacation.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably worse for him, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, it was good for him because he had a contract. He was just gonna get paid his full amount anyway. So he ended up just getting like a one hour shift after my show and getting paid full fare and didn't have to get up at 5 in the morning anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

So it actually worked out pretty well for him.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty damn well, I would say. And then he went off to Seattle and did radio and blah, blah, blah. I still have nothing against the guy. Just wasn't a good. Wasn't going to work. I don't know why radio guys don't understand that. But anyway, what the hell did Pierce went on line five. Oh. Huh. Yeah. Yeah. I just wanted to know what is your best advice to start joke writing and try to kind of start up your be more funny when it comes to the point of doing stand up. Because I remember hearing these stories about you weren't really interested in doing it until you actually heard people do it and you learned that you could do it. Yeah. You mean talking about stand up? Yeah, stand up and joke writing. Mainly joke writing. Well, joke writing is Simply for me, just have a pad and a pen. And when you pull up behind a car that has five bumper stickers on it shaped like paws, you write it down. And then you start crafting a joke or quip or whatever around it, or an opinion or a story. I mean, it doesn't all have to be jokes. A lot of storytelling and that kind of stuff, but there's nothing to it. It's pretty old stuff. Yeah. And I only ask you this because I hear from many people saying that it's this cliche of you either have or you don't. And I think it's a story of you and how you kind of started out saying, well, it wasn't like he was born to be a comedian or a radio person, but he did it. Listen, I know, hold on. There are people that are just naturally very gifted, funny, talented people. And then there's a lot of comedians that just buy jokes, tell jokes. I mean, it is absolutely insane. But if you sit around with a guy like Mike August, who used to be at Willie Morrison, has seen them all come and go and come up and this and that and the other.

[Giovanni]

He's seen D.L. hughley. He's in everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hugely. He. No, he'd like, go see. He went and saw a comedian once and he saw the guy do like a one hour standup special. And I'm not leaving his name out because I'm polite, I just can't remember his name. And he saw the guy do the one hour special and he was like, I know every joke. I know the punchline on every joke of this guy's one hour standup special. He's doing hbo. Like, he was in the audience and he was saying to the person next to him, and then he realized, oh, that guy just bought Rich Shiner's act. And then the other guy was like, oh, yeah, I paid good money. Rich Shiner's been on the show trying to get back into stand ups. Kind of one of those 80s 90s guys. He's just sold somebody his act. Like he's got an hour. Here is my hour. Thank you. Here's $10,000 or whatever it was. And that's how some people roll. They're not. Maybe they're comedians, maybe they're actors. I don't know what they are, but there's plenty of those guys in this business and plenty of them who've done quite well. I mean, I'm sure Bob Hope had a team of writers, bought jokes, used jokes, used the same jokes for 25 years. I mean, I don't know what he was. They're not. They're not all Louis ck.

[Giovanni]

That's probably more rare. I mean, in terms of the guys who, like, made it, I'm sure a large percentage guys and girls who've made it have probably had writers work for them. At the very least, maybe bought jokes, done the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Chris Rock buys tons of jokes. Just buy jokes. It seems counterintuitive and odd to buy someone's joke and then go, oh, man, I don't even know what happened to me on the way here, on the way to buying someone's joke. But that's what they do.

[Brian Bishop]

You bought the wrong kind of comedian's jokes. Like if Chris Rock bought a female comedian's jokes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He gets Janine Garofalo. Shit. Or. Yeah. Or he gets Kathy Griffin. Kathy Griffin. Or Rita Rudner.

[Brian Bishop]

Judy Tanuda.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Men are pigs. Where are we? Let's see. I'm going up the line. Is it Trina 49, Minneapolis. Hi, Adam. I loved your show at the Varsity Theater last year. Oh, thank you. Were we all. We were all there, right? Oh, you were all there. It was really fun. Good. Thanks for coming. Well, I wanted to say I'm about.

[Allison Rosen]

To turn 50 in the summer.

[Adam Carolla]

Just after you turn 50. I've never felt like a baby boomer or a Gen Xer. Do we have a name for our generation?

[Brian Bishop]

Graduated High School 82 around there.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you think of a name for us? I've always wondered, why didn't we get a name? I think the STD soon to die. Well, now, yeah. But over the course of our lives, we don't really have a name. This naming of everything all the time started at some point, and it's shifted into overdrive recently. Everything needs a name every. By the way, you used to just be able to get tired. Now we have 15 names for your tiredness. And you used to be able to just get some water. Now you're rehydrating. Yeah. Used to be there was a lot of. You were rape victim. Now you're rape survivor. I mean, there's a lot of different names being handed out. Let's go. Rape survivor for your generation. No, we got skipped. We got skipped. It went to the same place. That's what I'm saying. It's a form of rape. I'm just saying here's. All right, but here's the thing. Everybody out there, please. We've discussed this before. You being left handed, you being a gemini, you being 49, gonna turn 50. You being. Whatever you being.

[Brian Bishop]

She needs a red hat.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking move on. That's right. You be you purchasing a felt red hat. Hanging out Hampton. Where the hell are we? Embassy Suites. Embassy Suites? Yeah. Whatever it is, don't look to identify with vast numbers of people on the planet and just become. It's really. It's dangerous and it's not productive. It's just not like you going, my people or I am, whatever. Don't be an individual. Just do your own thing. Don't worry about your label. Your fucking label is human being. Now get the fuck to work. Don't worry about breaking off into groups. It just doesn't help. I know there's something that feels good about it or satiated about it when you do break off into that group. But, I mean, it's like women's groups. There's more women than there are men on the planet. That's a lot of women. You're good. Go do your thing. Now, there's plenty of examples. I know the instinct is to break off and go somewhere. I don't think it ever really helped anybody. Just fucking go work. Playing fields not level. You're fine. You get no name. You have no name for your group. Just get the fuck to work. That's. That's all. I mean, it's all I wish. I guess I'm trying to think, do you wish for your kids that they would join groups? And I'm not talking about clubs and such. Yeah, I mean, chess club and that kind of stuff is fine. But, you know, my great, great, great grandfather fought in the Civil War. Who gives a fuck? What's that say about you? I mean, it's nice that you can be proud of it.

[Brian Bishop]

The through line with all these groups that you would have a problem with, I think, is this idea that we together have overcome something or suffered something. Like the thing that. That binds you is having been mistreated. And even if it's true, let's not dwell on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And it's probably not you. It's somebody who came before you. And there's certain groups. Like if you go down to the Bonneville Salt Flats, there is a group that is the 400 mile an hour club, and then there's the 500 mile an hour club. But that's the group of people who've climbed Mount Everest in Half Dome. Like, fine, count yourself amongst the human beings on the planet that have gone faster than 400 miles an hour on the ground.

[Giovanni]

It's an accomplishment.

[Adam Carolla]

That's something else. You being in the group who are descendants of people who've gone more than 400 miles an hour on the ground. That doesn't mean shit to me.

[Giovanni]

Don't hang on to that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Bald Brian, you become a New York Times best selling author with shrinkage. But if you unfreeze that jizz ears and you have a kid. Let's not have the kid coast on daddy being the New York Times bestseller.

[Giovanni]

He or she will never know.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

I'll never bring it up. I might bring it up once or twice.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is let them write a book and get onto that. All right, let's do a quick spot and then we got some baldiwood coming up. Ah, Dollar Shave club. Love these guys. Never stop using. These guys use them for everything. I have their cartridges, I have their razors. And no more. No more hanging out in the store. No more going down, no more running out, no more dull anything. DollarShaveClub.com they ship you fresh, amazing quality blades, Other cool bathroom stuff and just what you need. Nothing vibrates or lights up or anything. You're just fine, just like you like it. Also Dr. Carver's Easy Shea Butter and One Wipe Charlie's. Can I say this? The One Wipe Charlie's. I love these things.

[Giovanni]

Yes, I'm a convert, but they get left open. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And all I want is the person to shut them when they're done. But it doesn't seem to happen. In a world of dry eye, there's a long lasting solution that can save the day. Presenting sustained complete preservative free. Its unique formula gives 8 hours of relief from the common symptoms of dry eye. So say goodbye to dry, tired, irritated, sore, burning, stinging and watery eyes. And say hello to multi symptom relief available in a store near you. Sustain complete open your eyes to lasting relief. And with the wipes and I'm like, they get dried out if you don't snap the thing shut or just turn them over.

[Giovanni]

That's the whole point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Love these bad boys. Peppermint infused butt wipes for men. My God. This is why the terrorists hate us. Anyway. Everyone here at the Anim Girl show uses this stuff. In a world of dry eye, there's a long lasting solution that can save the day. Presenting suspension stain complete preservative free. Its unique formula gives 8 hours of relief from the common symptoms of dry eye. So say goodbye to dry, tired, irritated, sore, burning, stinging and watery eyes and say hello to multi symptom relief Available in a store near you. Sustain complete. Open your eyes to lasting relief. And you should too. Let's upgrade Baby Smarter.

[Giovanni]

If you're using them right, you shouldn't be able to tell they're peppermint flavored. Yes, you're using them correctly.

[Adam Carolla]

Y that's right. Save time, save money. Join dollarshaveclub.com Adam that's dollarshaveclub.com Adam let's see real quick, get ready with the Bollywood there. Just because I feel like it's rude. Eric 42 West Hills Ace man hey, can I just say a quick congratulations to faketheresa on her recent nuptials to Fake back Madden.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Big fan. All you guys. So this patent troll case seems like the claim they have against you is so thin that as they realize the resistance you're building to fighting it, that they might actually drop you as a pull as a defendant. Is there. Is that a possibility that that could happen and then they take the other defendants on? Or what's the possibility of that actually happening? 37 and a half percent. How the fuck do I know?

[Giovanni]

Oddly specific.

[Adam Carolla]

I know I don't. Listen, here's the thing. Who knows? I would not count on it. And thus I would pack for a long trip. If it's shortened in any way, I'll be happy to come home. But I'm just going to pack like it's going to be a long, cold winter. That's the way we're going to do it. I doubt they're going to drop it. They've already filed their case. Who knows, maybe public pressure and things. People tweet me things in the news and they're getting to Capitol Hill and Obama and blah blah, blah. And hopefully something will change. But for now we'll just proceed like they're proceeding, which they are. And we'll try to raise our [e-mail] and we're over 250k now. Just check. Over a quarter mil thanks to you guys, which is awesome. But it's about 1.2 to fight these things, so they tell we're glad you're doing it. I just did a podcast myself today. We did the whole thing on that defense fund and we donated and it's great. And we're anxiously following it and can't wait to see how this thing goes. We're sure you're gonna win. Thanks, Eric. Oh yeah. Well, listen, again, win means what? And it's. I have to. I am attempting to go into pre production for a movie, but I have to go drive to Joe Rogan's studio to talk about this subject for two hours. Now when. What? You know, I'm supposed to finish this audiobook, but I got to go to Redondo beach and do a four hour show that night. Win what? I'm supposed to finish this Paul Newman documentary, but I gotta go drive over to the NFL Network and talk this up on Thursday. Win what? Win what? It's never ending. I'm trying to pre production for a movie. You have to cast everybody in every single role. You have to go to every single location. You have to get the whole shooting schedule down. It's a puzzle of a million pieces. Except for I'm not around because I have to go talk up this thing somewhere across town because we're getting sued. So what? Win what is my question to everyone? All right.

[Giovanni]

It'll be a pyrrhic victory.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Real quick. And then we'll get to Baldiwood. Hey, Joey 25. Hey, Adam. Allison Bald. How's it going? Good. Just had a quick question. By the way, I'm the guy, the Valentine radar guy. I've talked to you on the Adam and Drew show. Mm, thank you.

[Giovanni]

Valentine radar?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, upstairs.

[Giovanni]

That guy upstairs. 1996.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You must have a radar detector. If you travel as much as I travel, it comes in very handy. Yes, go ahead. Joey, where the hell did your Loveline promos come from? They were pretty retarded. Like the one that was the. The Seattle Fish market. Like, dude, can I get some fish? I don't know. I've never heard with the flattery, Joey. Yeah, hey, Joey. Yes, we. Loveline was syndicated in over 100 markets. And so what you might hear in Seattle would not be what I heard where I was at Westwood One, because I would hear the national feed, which only had PSAs, but it only had PSAs, which drove me insane because I'd never heard one that had any meaningful impact in a positive way on anyone's life. It was all just about. It was airplane turbulence and water skiing safety. Yes, hello, my name is Graham Wellington. Graham Wellington. Fucking assholes. They just sit there. My life's dream was to get the ad council on the fucking phone and scream at them, what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? You know, if you think you've been. We gotta play that one. My name is Tyrone Washington.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, well, we'll play it some, but we'll dig it up a good version.

[Adam Carolla]

It was, you know, if you've been. If you've been the subject of discrimination. Like. Like when you're trying to get an apartment. When you're trying to get an apartment. If you've been discriminated against. Well, here's the thing. I've tried to get apartments in the past and not gotten them. So was I being discriminated against because of the color of my skin or did I just not get it? Nobody knows. Doesn't matter what color you are. You don't know if you're being. There's nothing you can do with this psa. There's a follow up, but just as a guy who lives in Los angeles, take the 101 freeway like you're going to downtown. Jump up off on Normandy, hang a right and take it down to Wilshire. You'll see nothing but apartments and nothing but people that don't look like Graham Wellington in them. So somebody's getting an apartment out there. Hello, my name is Sanjay Kumara. Sanjay evidently has got an apartment. I thought that was the whole point. All right, let's see. Here it is. We'll figure out the sound. My name is Juan Hernandez. It's a fairly offensive commercial. I mean, not for me, but for anyone who's in any group. Can I ask a few questions about the apartment on Park Street?

[Allison Rosen]

What was your name?

[Adam Carolla]

My name? My name is Juan Hernandez. It's been rented. Oh, it's gone. Hello, my name is Sanjay Kumar. I am calling about the apartment on Park Street. It's not available. Not available. Hello, my name is Tyrone Washington. I'm calling about the apartment on Park Street. That's where your money's going, everybody. Hello, I am Chen Ling. My name is Khalidin Ali. I'm Tuan Vo. Hello, my name is Moshe Goldberg. I use a wheelchair. It's gone. Not available. All right, thank you. Yes, hello, my name is Graham Wellington. I'm calling about the apartment for rent on Park Street. Is that still available? Yes, it is. What is? Yes, really? Housing discrimination is illegal. If you think you've been a victim.

[Giovanni]

Because of your race, color.

[Adam Carolla]

We know Jews could never make their way into an apartment.

[Giovanni]

Family status.

[Adam Carolla]

No Mexicans ever lived in an apartment. It's not an option. They're all in double gated communities out here. Occasionally one slips through our net and gets into a townhouse, but that's about as close as a Mexican guest.

[Giovanni]

We try to give him out as.

[Adam Carolla]

Much as possible, try to keep them out.

[Brian Bishop]

How has that guy not done more work?

[Adam Carolla]

He really should be a household name. All right. Well, there you go. Nice job. Ad council everyone's pissed off, but no one knows why. And there's nothing we can do about it. We just have horrible. We've crafted a horrible society. All right, moving on to the next problem. Airplane turbulence. Fucking imbeciles. Fucking retarded imbeciles. I just. I would. My fantasy is just to show up at the ad council's, you know, yearly whatever meeting when everyone's around that boardroom table and just go fucking Al Capone with the baseball bat, you know, Robert De Niro style. Fucking just go nuts on all of them. Just a fucking bloodbath. Stop wasting everyone's fucking time and money. You have. You have an outlet. You have millions of ears on you or eyeballs or whatever it is, and this is what you choose. This is how he'd be so much better look. Just simply saying. Don't flick your cigarette butt out the window. Don't throw your gum on the ground, Put the right air pressure in your car tires, whatever. Turn. Turn your fucking water heater if you're gonna go out of town for more than three days. Turn your water heater off. Anything but what you guys come up with, which is always a huge steaming pile of fucking nothing.

[Giovanni]

This would be a horrible meeting you're in.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. All right, let's do a little Bollywood and then we'll bring in Judith. Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spin bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for Bounty War.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of which, trailer for Transformers 4 today.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man.

[Giovanni]

That was the highlight of my movie going experience today. I saw Noah in the theaters. Noah is in theaters now. It's directed by Darren Aronofsky. He directed the Wrestler. Very good movie. Requiem for a Dream and Black Swan. Do you guys see those? Or any of those?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I feel like the Wrestler couldn't have been further away from the Noah. At least the commercials I've seen.

[Giovanni]

You're absolutely right. The Wrestler was a really sort of gritty. Really. I don't say dark in terms of tone, but dark in terms of. It was just. Everything was cloudy and gray.

[Adam Carolla]

Never on cable, by the way. I never on the pay channels. Never pops up. I never see it. I never just pop up on the.

[Giovanni]

Channels of commercials once in a while. That's not the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Requiem for a Dream was good.

[Giovanni]

It's great. Dark and disturbing.

[Brian Bishop]

He did Life of PI as well, right?

[Giovanni]

No, he did PI. Oh, but Life of PI.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, that's what I mean. Pie.

[Giovanni]

He did a movie called PI.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the one. I found him.

[Giovanni]

So this, this one has Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly's in this. Anthony Hopkins, Ray Winstone, and Emma Watson, who was Hermione in the Harry Potter movies. She's all grown up. No, I'm kidding. She's very pretty, though. She's a very pretty woman. This is the biblical story of Noah. Everything, the animals, the ark, the great flood, it's all in there. It's really surprising. Do you guys know that there's like some controversy around this movie? Like some people are saying it's not faithful to the Bible enough. Some people are saying, we demand that you put a disclaimer saying this is not a literal interpretation. It's not literal enough. And then some countries have banned the movie saying you can't show Noah, he's a prophet. You know, Middle Eastern countries, I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

They'D be hard at work on the space program and not have time for this kind of nonsense. But you tell me they. They've carved out a little time in their day.

[Giovanni]

No, they're unionized. So they get 10 minute breaks.

[Adam Carolla]

Smoking.

[Giovanni]

Anti Noah campaign.

[Adam Carolla]

They're working on the alloys that are heat resistant upon reentry and stuff like that. And when they're done with that stuff, the wind tunnel stuff, that kind of stuff, then they come into this, then they're going to protest.

[Giovanni]

This is next on their list.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Now it's making more sense.

[Giovanni]

So this is not really a movie worth protesting. It's a very. Okay, so a 76% on rotten tomatoes, which I can understand. It's a very long, very boring movie. Very long, very boring. It's like lots of talking, first of all, not a lot of flooding. Lots of talking. Like Lord of the Rings. Like a Lord of the Rings movie, but much, much slower. And those were three hour movies. This is a two and a half hour movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Ish.

[Giovanni]

That feels much longer.

[Adam Carolla]

You, Gary, have to look up. There used to be these movies, you kids, you don't know how good you got it these days. There was a place called Sun Classics or Sun International Classics or something. They used to make these movies called In Search of Historic Jesus or In Search of Noah's Ark. And it's like there's the ones that showed in school, it was of that ilk. But they would show them in the movie theaters.

[Giovanni]

Oh, these got theatrical releases?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Chariots of the Gods and things like that. Yeah. And it always start off with like, hi, I'm Leonard Nimoy. And then it'd go on to the part where they went up to the top of the hill and they found a piece of birch and Birch. A birch forest is nowhere within 2,000 miles of that hill. So how. I always love that. This part. Well, the only way it could have gotten up there is if someone built an ark and took two of every species and put. I mean, what other. There's no other explanation on how a piece of wood could have got to the top of the hill.

[Giovanni]

Unless a flood consumed the earth.

[Adam Carolla]

A flood consumed the earth. And give me another one.

[Giovanni]

Give me another theory.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a boat that was built with two of every species on it. Yeah. This is in search of historic Jesus. Yeah. There's 1979. Now there's in search of. I think there's a Noah's ark one there too. But God damn it. Was this minus any special effects or anything.

[Giovanni]

Well, they've really marketed this well because there were a lot of teenagers in the theater when I saw it. They were, like, excited to see it. It looks like a big action movie when you see the.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

They took a few of the. Took some of the few action Ish scenes and they made a pretty cool trailer out of it. Here's something fun that I did that you guys can do. Stand outside the theater when the movie lets out and watch the yawning teenagers come out as. Because I did that today. I was waiting for Christie. The bathroom. Lots of yawning teenagers leaving the scene.

[Adam Carolla]

So not good.

[Giovanni]

Just boring. Just long and dull and so much talking.

[Adam Carolla]

In Search of Noah's Ark. 1976, by the way. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Anyway, I saw it with Christy and she is much more forgiving of movies than I am. And she was like, I give it a solid C. I didn't like it that much. I say C minus C bad Words instead.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Hooray for bounty war. Ah, speaking of bad words, choose Hogue, who's in Bad Words. And also at Nashville, many other things. We're gonna bring her in and we'll do that right after this. Judith Hogan Studio Bad Words in theaters as we speak. Jason Bateman directs this, stars in it Nashville, Wednesday nights, 10:00 on ABC. Good to see you, Judith. Hey, let's see. Nashville has the big beautiful blonde in it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. What's her face?

[Adam Carolla]

What's her face?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Ken, Candy. Connie. Connie Britton. Connie Britton, who wakes up in the morning with. Well, you Know, her hair has a blog and its own blog. And that's, that's why I cut my hair off, because I can't compete with that. But she wakes up in the morning, freshly fucked hair. Just perfect, tousled, dewy, delicious hair. It's hard.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it'd be an easier, you know, if we could sign off. If we could sign off on it. Don't you think? I've been. It's in my book. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Women are forced by society, spend an inordinate amount of time on their hair.

[Allison Rosen]

It's horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Straightening, blow drying, spraying stuff all over the place. You want to talk about, you know, third hand smoke? What about Aquanet? That's been weaponized and heated up on fire.

[Allison Rosen]

Backing up into my aunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about what you're inhaling. What are you inhaling?

[Allison Rosen]

Hair dye.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What if we just did this? What if we just said, look, everybody shave your head.

[Allison Rosen]

I love my.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you get a wig, everyone gets a wig. And it's all understood. Just whatever wig looks best on you. But that's it. End of the night, goes right off on that styrofoam head. Or maybe get a nicer head, you know, if it's a full time thing now with the wig. But either way, wig, wig off.

[Allison Rosen]

Love it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, two minute shower.

[Allison Rosen]

I worked with Debbie Reynolds, I did three movies with her. She's fucking hilarious. And she is a big wig fan. Because all you have to do, you put the wig cap on, you slap the wig on, you're done. Versus it's an hour and a half in the hair chat. It's such a drag. I look at her beautiful bald head and I go, yeah, well, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I mean, I'm a fan.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot. I mean, we've talked about it in the African American community. All the time spent with all the. I've yelled about it. And all the heat and the flattening and all the money and all the whatever. And then. And the poor Italian women, Jewish women, all the women with the kinky hair that can't jump in the pool, they can't get it wet, then they gotta straighten it out and they gotta pay all the money.

[Brian Bishop]

When it would rain in high school, I was depressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Just shivering.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, my hair's curly, so it's like as soon as the humidity hits, it's like I have a whole. I have bozo head.

[Adam Carolla]

There's, it's a, it's a weird thing But I would. I would say that except for Connie Britton. There's right.

[Allison Rosen]

You know that's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe she's got a wig and we just don't know it.

[Allison Rosen]

She doesn't. She even wet and it dries. It's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

There are the people with straight hair. I hated people.

[Allison Rosen]

No cellulite and perfect hair. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I hope they're miserable.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta believe she is. I gotta bring your mouth to God's ears. And her name's Connie Britton.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam. You could have straight hair. I could just get it Japanese or Brazilian straightened.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it would look funny. No, don't do it. Don't do it. I did a keratin straightening.

[Adam Carolla]

You did.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's awful. I regretted it. I just had this awful, flat, greasy, horrible hair that did nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you say your wife does, Adam? But her hair looks good.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, she probably has really thick hair. I have really thin hair. So it makes you look like.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

What are you saying, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying that I think about 30% of the planet, of the females have hair that is naturally kinky or curly or what have you, which can be Beautiful. At least 30. Okay. Yeah, at least. I'm just. Well, it's still.

[Giovanni]

Africa's a big continent.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Africa's big, but China's got a pretty few people.

[Allison Rosen]

And India called hair a totally different kind of hair.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a. I'm just saying. I'm just throwing 30% out there as a number. So, you know, if you go 7 billion people and you whack it in half and you go 3.5, and then you go 30% of that, you go, you know, 1.2, whatever. 1.25 or whatever it is. 7. You're dealing with over a billion people that are fucking with their hair all day, trying to comb it and flatten it, putting billions of dollars of product and heat and everything else into it.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to reclaim my life.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

First thing I do when I get.

[Brian Bishop]

Home, take off my bra. I would like to also take off my hair shave.

[Allison Rosen]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone just shave the head and wear the bra on the head. Weird science.

[Allison Rosen]

I take my bra off, too. Just like, we're done sometimes.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm done. Let those girls free. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But why Would you guys be cool with my shaved head wig thing?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I.

[Allison Rosen]

I would be really willing.

[Adam Carolla]

To try it if everyone did. Now everyone was in. Yeah. And then. Then you pick out what you want for hair?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Or if everyone's in, maybe we're just all bald. And fuck the wig, you know, because they're hot, they're itchy. Have you ever worn a wig? Not that comfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I want something to come off of my hand when I'm behind you.

[Allison Rosen]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is grab our ears. Yeah, but if an ear comes off, that's worse. Yeah, that's bad. Leprosy usually means there's an infection. You're like my dog, Molly. And I know you want Molly to.

[Allison Rosen]

Be put down, but in a loving way. In a loving way.

[Giovanni]

Humble death.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I just feel like Molly. Quality of life, not so much. Well, the amount you've spent on her vet care. I'm sending my son to college. That is a good giant chunk of his tuition.

[Brian Bishop]

If you were to meet Molly, I'm sure she comes. No, but she like wags her tail and comes up to you. And she still has life in her.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, for her, quality of life's a fuck of a lot better than mine. She gets like hand fed and.

[Allison Rosen]

So many people on the planet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

With her special food.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

She has a much better quality of life than I do.

[Allison Rosen]

What would happen in the wild with.

[Adam Carolla]

Molly in the wild?

[Brian Bishop]

She still have both ears?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I'd like to find out. I would like to just do a catch and release kind of thing with her.

[Allison Rosen]

No, she just needs a little. A kiss goodnight and a little sleepy juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, daddy, you know, I just.

[Allison Rosen]

You need to rein those women in.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, show up with a puppy, they'll forget all about Molly.

[Allison Rosen]

Girls like new shiny things.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. I'll choke her out with your wig.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a real all about puppy story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, there should be. There's gotta be a doggy Kevorkian, right? I mean, a guy just shows up in a van with the machine.

[Brian Bishop]

I think there is actually.

[Adam Carolla]

We make Molly flip the switch herself.

[Allison Rosen]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

A videotaper. Wagtail mall. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Bam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Pow. Do they have that? They gotta have vans.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think they do.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like.

[Brian Bishop]

I've read articles about it, like, I.

[Allison Rosen]

Don'T love dogs, but.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no one would interpret this as that in any way, shape or form.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but I just.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you also in favor of what happened at the Danish zoo? Like Adam is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wait, I don't know what happened to the Danish zoo?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, well, first it killed a giraffe named Marius. Oh, I. Marius.

[Allison Rosen]

Something about.

[Brian Bishop]

And then Riding a wave of great publicity, they just put down four lions. Two that were too old to care for themselves and two that. No, two that were old. And then two cubs. A family that were too young to take care of themselves because they're bringing in a strapping new three year old male and they're afraid it'll.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, that's completely uncool.

[Brian Bishop]

No, Adam's in favor of it because he likes eugenics.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's all I'm in favor of. I always just say, what is the guy thinking? Like, is he have something against giraffes or is he have something against lions? And then when we figure out he doesn't, I just assume he knows what he's doing and I'll leave him alone. Like he wants to. He wants the species to do well. He's not into the individual.

[Allison Rosen]

Why doesn't Tippi Hendra get involved with this?

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't she have a. Oh, she does save a lot of lions. I'll give her Molly and she can feed Molly the lions.

[Allison Rosen]

That's. Yeah, the kids will love you forever.

[Adam Carolla]

Is Tippy still around?

[Giovanni]

Almost positive she is.

[Adam Carolla]

Tippy's got a place.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she didn't hear a lot about her.

[Allison Rosen]

She should take the baby lions.

[Adam Carolla]

When you go full time with the lions, they stop. You know, you fire your publicist the next day. All right. Oh, bad words. Yeah, you bad words. What's your role in that?

[Allison Rosen]

I play pedal. I can't remember my last name, which is terrible. I move on really quick. Like I do a job and then I move on. But it was really fun working with Jason.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw the trailer.

[Allison Rosen]

Sweet, man.

[Adam Carolla]

It looks great.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he's ugly.

[Brian Bishop]

He's dreamy.

[Allison Rosen]

He's totally dreamy.

[Adam Carolla]

Tippy's 84, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

She's 84.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And he's a good director. He's gonna be a great director. His crew loved him. We had such a blast. It's a good movie.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, how dreamy in real life.

[Allison Rosen]

Super dreamy and super dreamy. Fantasize dreamy guy.

[Adam Carolla]

The. I saw the three minute trailer and it looks like a really funny movie.

[Allison Rosen]

It is. You know what? It's funny because I read the script and it. It's a tough. It was a tough read. It was not on the page. To me as funny as it was when I watched it. And that's really Jason. He's. This is. This was written for him.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, good. And he just gets better. Petal Dubois.

[Allison Rosen]

That's it. Petal Dubois.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All Right. Should we do a little news, Allison Rosen? Yes. How about we do that? Let me give a little love to one of our sponsors first. Go to meeting, baby. Build strong relationships with your team. You got to do it. It's key for business, man. You need to meet, need to brainstorm. You need to collaborate. But let's say you can't get everyone in the same room. Can't get them together. Well, they got go to meeting with HD faces brought to you by Citrus. Simple way. You do it online. Do it anywhere, anytime. Go to meeting. You share the screen. You work on documents. A lot of times when we talk to new clients here, they put it up on our GoToMeeting screen, and then they highlight stuff, and the person who's talking gets highlighted. Get a little halo around you. It's cool. You can try it for free. 30 days free. Visit GoToMeeting.com today. Click on the Try it free button. Use the promo code Adam. That's GoToMeeting.com promo code. AdamEeting is believing. All right, Allison Rosen. Let's do it, baby. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it, cunt. It's Allison Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

In Facts of Life News. And I know you'll care about this ad. I do love that someone tweeted me a photo of Kim Fields and Lisa Welchel together working on some project. I don't know what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Dream catcher. Oh, you mean in the biz? In the.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I thought you mean like an arts and crafty kind of thing. No, I don't think they're doing anything inside the business.

[Giovanni]

I think it was a vision board.

[Adam Carolla]

A vision board? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. No, I think they really are. They're not just scrapbooking.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I think there's somebody. But it's not a reunion. No, I know. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you. My buddy Kevin Hench, who I wrote the Hammer with and now we wrote Road hard with. Wrote the reunion one where I think they went on a cruise or something.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't think they were on a cruise. Oh, I think I would know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I know it's the one they go back to Eastland, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I forget the plot of that. I know that Joe wasn't in that one.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why that there was a cruise involved, but either way, he Wrote that.

[Brian Bishop]

Watch me.

[Adam Carolla]

Why aren't we doing the news?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we're going to in a second. Look, all I have to say is that I am a purist and I am loyal to facts of life. Go to Paris. It's the best one. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Kevin Fitch. Oh, wow. Yeah. We got to figure out where. Where they. Where they went, and we'll figure it out. But anyway, so there's another. So Lisa, who I sat next to at Beth Ringwald's sweet 16, Molly Ringwald's sister. Sister. At an Indian food restaurant, of all places. There was a cruise ship. Mrs. Garrett is. She's heading back to America. I don't know. We'll figure it out, but either way. So is that Tootie and Rachel. I mean, Tootie and Lisa. Lisa Welchel are working on something. Blair? Yeah, Blair. Good.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what. I'll find out.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't jinx it. Don't jinx it. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Another earthquake? Yeah, On Friday night. It was a 5.1 pretty big epicenter in Orange county, one mile east of La Habra, four miles north of Fullerton. And then shortly after the earthquake, nearly two dozen aftershocks followed. Did you guys feel this one? Unlike the one that happened the week before, it was 4.1. But the epicenter was close to us. That one was close to us. Yes. That was early in the morning, and that one was like an explosion. Yeah, this was. I didn't mean. You didn't. I did. It was so. It felt like it was like two minutes long.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I felt it gentle and long. I never. I just. I like, said, since I used to do earthquake rehab work, I have no fear of earthquakes and sort of almost enjoy them. And I'm naturally wired to look for things that break up the monotony of whatever this life is called, so. Something to have a conversation about, you know, you don't think about it, but. I know it sounds bizarre and weird, but. And I've said that I'd like to go to prison for six months.

[Allison Rosen]

No, you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. You been there.

[Allison Rosen]

I have it on. Good.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Authority.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You've talked. Some guys.

[Allison Rosen]

Talked to some guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, yeah. Well, maybe it's just me, but what.

[Brian Bishop]

If he just went to, like, a real cushy, low security one so he could.

[Allison Rosen]

I think the food's.

[Brian Bishop]

Stop this rat race.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, but all eight is fucking leftovers now anyway. Like, it's.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know. Plus, you may, you know, get raped. I think it's A possibility.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, I could check it off my bucket list. Well, there's that number one. I just like there's something that happens. It's been 20 years now since we've had a big one, but when the big one came up 20 years ago, everything just stopped. And there's this thing where for a week all you can do is nothing. My girlfriend's work was closed down. Her apartment was like red flagged and red tagged and she couldn't go back into her apartment. My work was fucked up. I was working like a basement gym. Her car broke down, had nothing to do with the earthquake. And all there was to do was to sort of hang around with other people and stop doing whatever it is you were doing. And I know that's what weekends were supposed to be for, but not anymore. I spend my weekends working on my audio book and doing standup somewhere I don't want to be or whatever it is. That national couple days of stop. You know, now you know, Walmart's open, Christmas Day and all that. I don't like it.

[Allison Rosen]

Earthquake as release.

[Adam Carolla]

I am saying it is a break. God imposing a Sunday or two on you. He's saying, sorry, nothing's working today. You stay home, get with your family, talk to your neighbors, have some, in.

[Allison Rosen]

A weird way, everything in the freezer.

[Adam Carolla]

Eat everything in the freezer. It's sort of like 9 11, like just. It was after 9 11, it was like simply just a week of whatever it was I was working on, whatever it was we were talking about, whatever obligations there were, whatever you thought was important, straightening your hair, whatever it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, I still did that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all gone now. And there's only one thing. It's sort of a community where everyone is just fractured off and everyone's going a thousand different directions at one time. Now we can all just get together and just talk about this one thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean things like that do bring out the better parts of people.

[Allison Rosen]

It does.

[Brian Bishop]

It instantly prioritizes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it also, I think the way we're wired is to like all get together and we're gonna go on a big group hunt. Not all get together and just everyone go their own way. All get together and go on this big hunt. And then when we catch our beast, we'll come back and we'll be a feast.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why common enemies are so great.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And that's why we hate the other fucking tribe who's going on their big hunt and cooking up their feast. But that's Kind of how it used to be, and now it has become this, I'm doing my thing, you do your thing, and everyone goes a different direction.

[Allison Rosen]

We need a catastrophe to slow down and take the temperature of ourselves.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Right. Because in a world where everything is open on Sundays now.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And everyone has a computer and can be getting some work done on a Sunday, answering some emails. What's that?

[Allison Rosen]

We need Shabbat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Where we have the Jewish holiday. Yes, that's right. Not the world's worst Jewish superhero. Shabbat.

[Allison Rosen]

Shabbat.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got his light blue cape, tosses his yarmulke throwing stuff.

[Giovanni]

I think all the Jewish superheroes are tied for world's worst.

[Adam Carolla]

It can't. But here's the problem. It's optional. It can't be optional. Now we need a flood. A biblical flood, like Noah style.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, you know, you may get your wish because the more earthquakes there are, the more earthquakes there are, the less there. You know, it seems like there was something in the LA Times today on the front page about that fault. It's like the fuego fault. And they're saying that's going to be worse than the big one because of where it's. It runs under Hollywood, it runs through Orange county, it runs through all these places. It's. It's going to stop everything in its tracks.

[Adam Carolla]

From your mouth to God's ears.

[Brian Bishop]

If I were you, Brian, I'd take that pointy mirror thing that you hang above your bed, and I would take. I would move that down.

[Giovanni]

I finally got to answer the question, what would you feel an earthquake if you were driving? Chris and I were driving back from dinner. The answer is no, we did not feel. We got home and on Facebook or whatever, and a whole bunch of people, oh, earthquake, earthquake. We must have been in the car. So for an earthquake of that size, at least could not feel it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you think about driving around Los Angeles with huge potholes everywhere.

[Giovanni]

We were on Olympic Boulevard, your car.

[Adam Carolla]

Is one hole, is a machine that's meant to run over potholes. And for you to feel the brunt of it as little as possible, you have your tires first off. Your tires are suspension, and then your suspension and then the springs in your seat and all that kind of stuff. And if you're driving a relatively modern car, it's meant. Meant to smooth that out. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

It was interesting. People who experience vertigo or feel like they have a swaying sensation all the time. The one time they don't feel it is when they're driving or Also on a cruise ship. That's the one time.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I'm forgetting which one it is. I think it's both. But then There was a 4.1 earthquake on Saturday afternoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That I felt.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, you did feel that one. I did not feel that one.

[Adam Carolla]

I just remember thinking, why am I awake? This must be a dream, because they always happen when you're asleep. But now I'm awake. Or at least it's light outside. What are we to do?

[Giovanni]

Off putting?

[Brian Bishop]

What I can't believe is that there were nearly two dozen aftershocks. I mean, I can believe it, but that's a lot. And I didn't feel them though.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, I'm still waiting for a good one and it should be.

[Allison Rosen]

It's coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's work this one out. We had a nice big fat one in what, 72. And then we had another big fat one in 94. So that's what, 22 years apart. And we had our. So that's 94 and we're 20 year mark. So we're getting there.

[Giovanni]

Sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's got to warm up a little.

[Brian Bishop]

94.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't look forward to it like you do.

[Adam Carolla]

I do. It's gonna be cool. Don't worry about your hair that day.

[Allison Rosen]

You have kids?

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, I have kids. I don't give a flying shit about them. Yeah, that's good under something.

[Allison Rosen]

Unless it has to do with the dog. And then you seem to care.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what? The kids will be fine. Everyone will be fine.

[Brian Bishop]

The 94 earthquake cost $42 billion.

[Adam Carolla]

The 94 earthquake? Yes. There's an interesting thing about the 94 earthquake, and it's all you need to know about life. There was a long stretch of the 10 freeway that was shut down, running right through the heart of the city pretty much. I don't know, must have went from, I don't know, Western or Normandy all the way almost up to the 405 or something like that. That long stretch, it goes right by kind of where your hood is and right by where your house is. And we'll get the numbers worked out on this, at least Gary Haftard will. But it was something like there were seven miles of freeway or whatever, miles of freeway to fix. And it was jacked up because in earthquakes it's all masonry. That's the only thing that ever gets fucked up is masonry. And that's why the freeway overpasses fall off. That's why all these towns in Guatemala are devastated. All the stuff that is masonry related Gets fucked up. The wood related stuff never, never gets fucked up. And the steel never gets fucked up, but it's always the masonry. So the freeways come down. So now we have this major artery that's going through the middle of the city and it's fucked up. And it looks like it's gonna be fucked up for a year or six months or whatever it is, but way too much time for a major artery. It's kind of thing where if it got shut off for three days, it's horrible.

[Giovanni]

As well as outside the area is downtown to Santa Monica.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's the only way to get from downtown into the beach cities and airport and stuff like that. And so the contractor said, they tell the contractor, look, we'll give you. I don't know what it was. $100,000 for every day. 200,000. 200,000 for every day.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

Quiet. They go, look, this is a three month gig or two month gig or whatever it was, but you got 60 days to do this. But here's your incentive. 200 grand for every day you come in under that two month period. Chris, you can find me a few answers there. I paraphrase, but the bottom line is, guess what?

[Brian Bishop]

It took them one hour, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Guess how many days before versus any other city. Run anything where it's like, we're gonna build that bullet train over there to Fresno. It's gonna cost $100 million and it's gonna take five years and then 12 years later and $500 million. Whatever the city, whatever anyone touches, minus the incentive part. So there's two types of incentive. A good incentive, which is you get 200 grand for every day you come in underneath this. Or there's a bad incentive. Take as much time as you like. Don't worry, the checks will keep coming. If that bullet train isn't actually a bullet train or costs twice as much fucking money or takes 10 times long, let's just keep writing checks. That's bad incentive. This is good incentive. Guess how these exact same people react. It's not like the contractor was a good guy versus the guy who's gonna fuck up the bullet train is a bad guy. They're just a guy and they respond to the incentive. Chris, what'd you figure out still again? Well, tell Gary Haftar to get in here and get some work done.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll give you snacks for all the information you can find.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Motivate him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh my God, look at them run.

[Adam Carolla]

Max pat a tree.

[Allison Rosen]

I've Never seen people move so fast.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Point is, whatever the thing finished a month before the guy cashed in 3 million bucks or whatever it was. And that's what incentives do. They get people to do shit. Finished 74 days before.

[Allison Rosen]

74.

[Adam Carolla]

74 days before that. So it's $14.8 million. Wow. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Hi. You're onto something.

[Adam Carolla]

14.8 million bucks. Because that motherfucker said, hey, nobody's. Everyone's working Saturdays, everyone's working Sundays. And the good people of Los Angeles, we got our freeway back two and a half months before we would have gotten it back. Now let's just let caltrance work on it in perpetuity. Why?

[Brian Bishop]

Why don't they do that more often? They have so much money.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, why do we refuse to. Why does everyone reject this part of being a human being? Like, this is who we are. This is exactly how we work.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's brilliant. I don't know. I think that. I hope I could be wrong. I like to think that people are willing to start looking at things in completely, radically different ways. Because I don't know about you, but I think everything's broken.

[Adam Carolla]

I do, too. And this is. It's weird because it's radically different, but it's the oldest thing there is. And it's my $10,000 question that I have for everyone when they go, look, man, you said you'd have your shit cleared out in two weeks, and it's two weeks and you haven't cleared any. I've been really busy at work, and I've been really busy, and my kid got sick or whatever it is, and I go, what If I said two weeks ago, I'll give you $10,000, then would you have had it cleared out? And they go, oh, yeah. And I go, all right, so now we know. We know it can be done. You just chose not to do it. Now, it'd be great if people did it, minus the incentive. Like, it'd be great if that contractor went, I'm going to get this thing done 74 days early on my own. You don't have to pay me for it. But I don't believe he could. I don't believe he would. Even if he's the greatest, hardest working guy in the world, he wouldn't even know that he could do it.

[Brian Bishop]

No, because. Do you agree that the reason is, it's human nature, but it's also, in everyone's life, there are things that are going to be more incentivized and that do have more Pressure. So if there is something that they can just slack off on, they're going to. Because they are going to put their energy into this other thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I just think that the exact same human being is capable of nearly nothing or incredible feats of stamina, just depending on what the incentive is. I don't see. We do it, we break it up into, well, this guy's a good contractor and that guy's a lazy contractor. No, no, they're just the same. Why? By the way, there's not going to be that much fluctuation between human beings. We're the same species, they're contractors, they're all the same. Give them this, have them do that. I mean, same with school kids. Same with everything. The same school kid, could be a D student, could be an A student. It's just, what do you give them for incentive? That's all. That's only job is to figure out what will get them to do these things. Heaps of praise. Don't get them to do what you want them to do. But giving them something, a little carrot at the end of the stick, which we understand works very clearly when a horse is trying to pull a wagon. Same with contractors. All right, where were we?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's now been more than a week after the massive mudslide in rural Washington.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't believe this story.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Killed at least 18 people and left 30 missing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how come I heard a hundred?

[Brian Bishop]

It dropped on Saturday from 90 to 30, the number those were found.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

Were they found in the mud?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Giovanni]

Well, I may be accounted for. Maybe those are like.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I always say, though. We love to juice those numbers, right? So we go, 100 people are gone. I was talking to Bean, who lives out there. Kevin and Bean. On Thursday, like, oh, yeah, over 100 people dead. I'm like, wow, that's a huge body count. Now we're down to 30. Like, I don't think those people were dug out of their cars a week later.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it was 18 dead and it was 90 that were missing or unaccounted for. And now they're saying it's 30 that are unaccounted for.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you go from, how do you go unaccounted? I don't care.

[Giovanni]

Well, you have a list of 90 people you can't account for. You start accounting for them, you're like, oh, Fred was over at the Walmart or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't that stuff settled that day?

[Giovanni]

I mean, that's why the numbers change.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, they needed an incentive.

[Adam Carolla]

Your Husband gets in his car and never comes back. He's unaccounted for. If he was driving down that stretch of highway, I'm. He's underneath the earth right now. Like, I don't get how that. Anyway, all right, well, it's better.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So what did he say about it?

[Adam Carolla]

It was just. We were talking about how you spend your whole life thinking about terrorist attacks and. Or getting eaten by shark or something.

[Giovanni]

Brain tumor.

[Adam Carolla]

Brain tumor. Oh, sorry. Cancer. This, that, and the other. And this is so old school and so biblical. It's like being swallowed by the earth. And you just don't think in 2014 of going in those ways that seem 2,000 years old, you know, quicksand. We're always so worried about some gang banger shooting us in a drive by or a terrorist taking over the airplane, but this stuff's still out there.

[Allison Rosen]

End times, baby. End times.

[Adam Carolla]

End of times. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

End.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

A mountain sized torrent of mud swept over a mile, knocking over homes and trees.

[Allison Rosen]

That has got to suck. Is that coming at you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and I don't know what it just did. It just washed right over the main highway and stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

I think so, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yucky poo. All right, anyway, listen, God is pissed. I can tell you that right now.

[Giovanni]

Opinions known.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's definitely not taking this month off. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, C. Hunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, bespoke, baby. Love that word, bespoke. Tossed around.

[Giovanni]

Only when, like, hipsters talk about cocktails. This place makes bespoke cocktails.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, bespoke cocktail.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a car. It's a car thing, too.

[Giovanni]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like a one off, made.

[Giovanni]

To order kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it means, oh, guy, they're making a supercar and they're not getting it from a bunch of parts in the parts bin, you know, Everything's bespoke. Yeah, bespoke, baby. I've come down from the mountain and I'm bespeaking about bespoke post boxes of cool stuff on different themes. Food, drinks, fashion, grooming. More box of awesome is what they call it. We have them here. I think I took the socks box. Lynette was very amused when I came home with my socks box. Very unlike me. They got the tumblers. They got the. What else do we got? Max Apata. What'd you steal from the bespoke box? I didn't steal anything. But what were you Given without asking me.

[Brian Bishop]

They had the aging.

[Adam Carolla]

You can age. Whiskey, the bow ties, the socks. Ah, the bow tie. Can you make a bow tie? I can't. No. Okay, smart. I don't trust a guy who can make a bow tie anyway. Like a fun, cool gift for yourself. Look, if you're not interested, you can just opt out, no charge. And you can wait for next month. Skip as many boxes as you want so they make these cool themes and they'll send them to you and you get a little nice little surprise for yourself.

[Allison Rosen]

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Bespokepost.com Adam and you enter the code Adam at checkout for 20% off your first box. Everyone. Bespokepost.com let them know Adam sent you. All right. Me, Caroline's middle of May, doing a little book something or other, I think. I can't remember who's coming out to that one. We'll figure it out. Mike knows. I just can't remember who we got coming out. Us going to do a show in San Francisqui. And love San Francisco. Right. We're doing a live show that's coming up in May as well. You can go to AdamCroll.com and you can help us fight the patent trolls and all that good stuff. My book and Brian's book. You can pre order on Amazon and click through our site. Put a little wind in the sails of the pirate ship Hampton Young. Did I get that right?

[Brian Bishop]

You did.

[Adam Carolla]

On Allison Rosen's your new best friend episode, available on itunes. New every Monday and Tuesday, Thursday. Why does it say, oh, I can't, I got my glasses?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, every Monday and Thursday. For more info, go to alisonrosen.com yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I gotta do? I gotta leave them on or slide them up. Also, I knew it was wrong when it was coming out of my mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

But you couldn't stop my tongue. No, did not stop my tongue.

[Brian Bishop]

If I gave you $200,000 to stop.

[Adam Carolla]

It in time, 10,000 stops the tongue. Judith Hogue, everybody. Bad words in theaters as we speak. And oh yeah, Greg Gutfeld. Love him. He's coming into New York. That's what I was talking about. Love that Red Eye show. Gutfeld's funny. And Nashville, Wednesdays, 10:00 on ABC. So until next time, this is Adam for Judith Alison Bald saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Kollishow, 1292. Coming up next, we have Adam Kurilla Show 1307. This one features Joe Coy, Allison Rosen, Brian bishop. It's from 2014. This is after Adam was away and Joe was guest hosting, this is the first episode back.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV is the place for movies.

[Brian Bishop]

Movie fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Adam Carolla]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Giovanni]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS.

[Brian Bishop]

Or Tracker, or curl up with a.

[Adam Carolla]

Surefire hit like Forrest Gump.

[Brian Bishop]

Run Forrest.

[Giovanni]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and.

[Adam Carolla]

Shows, all for free. Pluto TV Stream now pay never. Thank you to Joe Coy for doing a wonderful job filling in for me. Thank you, sir. Some say too good, Never. Some say too good. It's that seat, sir. It's where all the funny is. And Damoshek as well. Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello, Adam. Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

And Bald Brian. That dude is yoked.

[Giovanni]

That was Ustin Schaefer. He was talking about Dr. Drew, by the way, with the hashtag top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

As we all know, I'm in the midst of finally shooting my movie, Road Hard Oscar. Lots of, lots of work involved with shooting a movie. Thank you. I'd like to not thank my parents. Thank Jimmy Kimmel's parents. Stand up. You know, the thing about movies you always forget about is you shoot out of order. So it's like the very first scene we shot, all we did was shoot at the club we went down to Flappers and Burbank. They're very nice. They have a lot of different rooms and you can make them look like different rooms. And you can look like you're all over the country when you're in one spot. And the very first scene you shoot is it's Sunday night, you've just finished your Jo Koy. You know the schedule well. Thursday show, two shows, Friday, two shows, Saturday, one show Thursday night. And now you're just sitting back in your green room drinking your beer and you're thinking about your early flight out. Yes. And it's about time to call the daughter or the son or the whoever with whatever time difference you're trying to work in and tell them you love them before you go back to the hotel room and beat off, Right? Yeah. But the thing that's always weird about movies is you shoot completely out of order. And the first scene up is that Sunday night. Me back in my dressing room drinking a Miller Light, exhausted, talking to my daughter on the phone. Except for at 6:45 in the morning. And it's weird when it's 6:30 in the morning. I got the tired part down, but you're supposed to be drinking a beer and you just walked off stage.

[Brian Bishop]

I bet you have that part down too.

[Adam Carolla]

I have all those parts down.

[Giovanni]

When do I start acting?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And then comes Thursday, and it's time for you and your love interest to fall in love. You're making out, but you haven't. You haven't shot the parts up.

[Brian Bishop]

You haven't shot yet.

[Adam Carolla]

You haven't shot the parts where you meet her. You just shoot the parts where you're making out. Actually, life should be a little more like this. Yeah. Just right to the point. And for me, it's Diane Farr, who I've known for 17 years. So it's weird. Making out with over and over again with the person you've been friends with for 17 years.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you done make a lot of make out?

[Adam Carolla]

No, and I've done one and we just sort of did it twice. And that was about it. This was a little more involved. And there's a couple things you don't realize when you're making out. You're like automatic pilot. You know what I mean? Like, try to tell your tongue to stay in its mouth. Oh, my God, it's exciting. I had to tell my tongue, get the fuck back in your mouth. You're not used to just kissing that way. How many times you done it in your life where it's like, oh, as an adult, you're gonna have this impassioned kiss and you keep your tongue just pressed up against the roof of your mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they tell you that?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Or it's just known that you're supposed to.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of understood. It's kind of understood that that's the way you do it. But it's still. There's a part of you that starts. It's an autopilot part of you. There's no more visceral thing than that. I don't know how people. I see how things get a little carried away on the set, especially when the other person is good looking.

[Brian Bishop]

So was she. What was her reaction to the fact that you were not holding back?

[Adam Carolla]

She wasn't doing it either, and she was into it. But she's a great actress and she's good. She's definitely acting at the Definitely. You don't have to tell us that part. Definitely acting. The point is, it's like there's nothing that looks weirder than fake kissing. You see it like in, like, you've seen it in enough movies, like weird, bad, fake kissing. So If. And I've told people this a million times as it pertains to whatever acting stuff we're doing, I go, you're miserable, right? You don't want to be here. You don't want to do it again. And they'll go like, yes. And I'll go, good, then do it the fucking way I'm telling you to do it. And then you won't have to do it again, because if you keep doing it your way, you're gonna have to keep doing it again. So you gotta get some real kissing in in order to stop kissing. Otherwise you're gonna have to keep trying it. How many takes for you? Well, they gotta move the camera 455. No, they gotta get my end, her end. Move the cameras around, push in, go around the other side. Like, you know, you gotta. You get to do it a few times.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you get a boner?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's a lie.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you have to try not to lie?

[Adam Carolla]

And you know it right now, the way you answered that, because there's a fast answer. All right, try it again. Did you get a boner? Well, it was Allison. Oh, I'm so sorry. Go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you get a boner?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that more convincing to you?

[Adam Carolla]

That was definitely. Yes.

[Giovanni]

The voice cracked.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, what was? All right, I was Peter Brady. I can do it again. Go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you get a boner now?

[Adam Carolla]

That means he has one. Thinking about it now? No. There's 45 people standing there like, you're way. It's your. You know, it's way too uncomfortable to do that.

[Brian Bishop]

Your tongue seems to forget what you're doing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I kept my tongue where it should be in my cheek, where it always is. But I. There was a point where it's like. You're like. It just. It's a reflexive thing, like, you don't fake. How many people have fake kiss.

[Giovanni]

If you really think about it, Brian, all Max girlfriends. No one on earth ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Then there's no. There's no way to do it. I mean, you have to do it so it looks like you're doing it, and there's no way to do it other than to do it. You just. Minus the tongue in the wood. Anyway, that was all. All fun. But it is weird when you show up, like, early Thursday morning, and you're like, what scenes are we shooting today? And they're like, you're doing the whole make out stuff today, and you're like, oh, where's Diane? And it's weird. Yeah, but fun. She's good she was in Rescue Me and a million other million other things.

[Brian Bishop]

How about leaving the jokes to Adam?

[Giovanni]

Is that her?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, that's Laura Kightly.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Laura Kightly.

[Giovanni]

She was on Loveline, too, in the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, she was on 24 and I think. Right. She's done a lot of stuff. She's been on this show. She's married to an Asian guy and wrote a book about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Let me say this Asian guy who's in the room. Hi.

[Brian Bishop]

No, a different one.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say the Korean. They're all the same. I gotta say the Korean, I'm. You know, The Japanese, the Chinese, I've sorted them out. The Koreans. I was at Phil Rosenthal's house last night and was looking at a Korean chef who looked exactly like the guy who worked on my Catch A Contractor show. And I mean exactly like his face. Like, it was just him. It was just. That was. The guy was not the guy. It was a totally different guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you assume you talked to him as if he was the guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, no. I've learned you need to go up to him and go, you cook too? There's two things I figured out. Asians and pregnant women. Or not pregnant, like, don't just walk up, like, you know. You don't know. I had to do some serious assessing, but I was staring at this guy. I watched Jon Favreau's new movie, Chef, and he went through a whole training thing with this Korean chef. And this guy looked exactly. I mean, I worked on this TV show four months ago. It was the same dude. I think it's a Korean thing. I don't know what the qualities are, but could not tell him. No difference. Although this guy was sleeved up with tattoos, which is nice, but now everyone's sleeved up with tattoos, and you're not sure. Was this guy wearing long sleeves when I saw him last? Plus, it was an inside industry thing. There's a bunch of industry people there. This guy's a sound guy. Maybe he knows. Anyway, Korean faces, much rounder. Yes, but they're all much rounder. That's what I'm saying. Joe, are you having problems distinguishing between Asians, Chinese people? Chinese. I got lots of cameras. Chinese, Japanese, Koreans are starting to throw me off a little bit now. Koreans, yes. Yes. Rounder face and stockier breed. Yes. Heavier hands. Pit bull. Thicker feet. Yeah. Made to work. Made to work. Yes to labor. I will build car for cheap. To toil. Yes. On Toyota. Yes. That's right. Phil, who's the sweetest man in the world and who has a movie theater in his house. And funny Kevin Nealon was there and he said, piled into his big state of the art theater with a big, you know, 20 foot screen that comes down and the surround sound and everything like that. And Neyland said, what year's the house, Phil? And Phil said, 1921. He was like the chewiest sounding guy on the planet. And Neyland said, oh, so back in the day they would watch silent movies in here. But he did a very funny thing. And I think it'll translate just from a straight audio standpoint on Funny or Die. And I told him I'd give it a shout out because it was really good. But it was smart, it was really funny. He's gonna be in my movie as well. And it was nice to see him do some acting. But it was a sort of Jewish James Bond. I don't know if you guys have heard of it or seen it.

[Brian Bishop]

I heard about it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty new. But I thought. I thought we'd just play it for. And you could. I think it'll work just from an audio standpoint. Point. What about you lot? When are you guys in the movies gonna stop glamorizing Harvey wine? They have a point. And I have to just choose movies. You mean that aren't violent, you mean, or as violent as they used to be. Violent as they used to be. As they used to be. The Weinstein brothers are presenting James Bond. What is that? That Guns. James Phil Rosenberg. So many. I mean, I'm one guy. How many guns does a person need? Hello.

[Giovanni]

Hey, aren't you Bond?

[Adam Carolla]

James Bond. But you can call me Jim. Jimmy. Oh, hello. May I help you? Beautiful woman. Attractive, Mr.

[Giovanni]

Bond.

[Adam Carolla]

Just roving at the bed. Reason for that? Come here. Put this on. Let's go electric. I would even take a Prius. I think those are electric now. Do you really think a prius would be appropriate, 007? It is for me. I mean, I'm. What do I. Who am I trying. Trying to impress? What's your name, honey?

[Giovanni]

Ivana.

[Brian Bishop]

Have sex.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean the name your parents gave you.

[Allison Rosen]

Annie Roberts.

[Adam Carolla]

Annie, did you go to school?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you major. What did you major in? Political science. Political science. That's a perfectly good major. You could do anything with that. You can go into journalism, obviously. Politics. I mean, once again, Mr. Bond, you are too late to prevent my master plan. Yes, let's talk about that for a second. I'm curious, just what is it exactly that you want I will irradiate the world's supply of wheat. They will not eat unless they pay tribute to me. And then what? Well, I would control the world because they would have to come to me for food. And what do you do then? Like, what's your day like? A perfect day. Let's say now you rule the world and you can do whatever you want. What is your dream day? Well, I. I wake up and in the bed next to me is Scarlett Johansson. Can I tell you something? You could have that now, you know, I know Scarlet very well, and you could command her to. I couldn't command her. But. But I could make an introduction. You still have to be charming, you know, maybe work on yourself a little bit. You're a good person. This is not you. What is. You know Scarlett personally. Like, you talk with her. Yeah. Her father and I go to the same shul. Why are we fighting? It's inevitable. Let's call your mother, tell her you're okay. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll like that. Come on, then. We'll get some coffee. Scarlett Johansson starred in this movie, this Favreau movie, by the way.

[Giovanni]

It is the one you saw, the chef one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know. You know, it's great about being a dude, a lot of things. Bro, You're Jon Favreau. Not skinny Jon Favreau.

[Giovanni]

Not swinger's Favreau.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Husky Favreau.

[Giovanni]

Not even made Favreau.

[Adam Carolla]

Big Favreau.

[Giovanni]

Okay, good.

[Adam Carolla]

Love him. Talk to him for an hour in the kitchen.

[Giovanni]

Made a lot of pasta over the course of the last five years.

[Adam Carolla]

Love Favreau. But the point is, when you're Jon Favreau and you're making a movie, you're like my wife, my ex wife, Sophia Vergara, my girlfriend, Scarlett Johansson. And everyone goes, all right, how was the movie? It was great. But that's what you get to do when you're making. When you're making the movie. Yeah, yeah. These are who I'm married to. It's weird, though. It's weird that you see Scarlett Johansson and you see Jon Favreau, but he's a chef and he's, like, really good at what he does. And you totally buy those two being into each other because that's the way our society, we don't put almost any emphasis on the dude, except for what he does, not what he looks like in his underpants.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't understand why we've decided chefs are rock stars, though.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Who started that Chef Food Network?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's something Insane. But I also think it comes down to a very tactile, visceral. I'm feeding you. Like, I'm sustaining you. Like, the guys who get more pussy than anyone are probably like personal trainers and chefs. Like, guys who are physically hands on, working, you know, talking to them, saying how much their body's changed over the last six months and stuff like that. I mean, like, for women, that shit works. Cooking works. And there's something also. You are in charge. You're large and you are in charge. Everyone in that kitchen, you're running, and it's like you're lead singer, the lead guitarist player. That is your troop that you're leading back there. And when they see you ordering people around and you know, you're like Tony.

[Brian Bishop]

Soprano of Hell Kitchen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Right? You're sniffing produce and throwing it. Yelling, yelling. This is shit. Go back to the farmer's market. I mean, that. That stuff gets you. Gets you moist, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, theoretically. But I've never been excited by Gordon Ramsay. And he yells at everyone on Hell's Kitchen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I know Joe Coyote. I can cook. Can you? Yeah. What's your thing? Pastas. Oh, really? Easy shit. I like that. Boil the noodles, make some meat. Yeah. Some sauce. Homemade sauce. Women love it. That's the way to a woman's heart.

[Brian Bishop]

I hope you describe it in a more exciting way. When you're trying to woo a lady.

[Adam Carolla]

I just say Ragu. Is that her name? Yeah. Is that your mom's name? Whose name is Ragu? That's just what I. That's what's on the table. Ragu. Some bread. Well, now, it's been a while for me. I know it's not been a while for Jo Koy, but somebody brought in a bungalow. Sioux song to sing. And we'll get it. Sorry, sorry. Legal Zoom first. Legal Zoom. Ah. Modern technology, like your smartphones, your iPads, make things easy. Makes business easy. You want to get some easy legal help? LegalZoom. May I suggest LegalZoom. Forming an LLC, getting a trademark will living trust. LegalZoom gets a job done right. Get personal attention. They'll help you take care of all the details. They've been helping families and small businesses for over 14 years. They got an A from the better business bureau. LegalZoom. They'll help you with trademarks. Mm. Go to legalzoom.com today or call them at 800-773-0888. And don't forget to enter AD in the referral box at checkout for a special discount. Legal Zoom provides legal help through independent attorneys and self help services, but it's not a law firm. All right, we got a little family affair. Let's just hear a little bit of Sly's version. Everyone must have been high as a kite in the 70s, because it's a.

[Giovanni]

Lot of, like, Sly in the family stone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. It's really one of the worst songs of all time. No one. No one wants to say anything, but doesn't do anything like. Like there's that part where he goes, like, mom and dad been going out for over 40 years. They're still looking at each other. Yeah. I mean, just listen to song. Like, another kid grows up like Legos.

[Giovanni]

It seems like we've all agreed collectively to forget about this because I don't think I've ever heard this song.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's. I don't know if it's. I don't know if it was a top 10 song, but it pops up in commercials and stuff because it is a family blood sticker than mud. You guys are aware of that? We should hope it's not. What part of the meeting where they decided him to be the lead of this group who's got an awful scary voice. Mom and dad been hanging around the same house staring at each other for 41 years. Like, most people don't run out of steam with their own lyrics. He gets bored of his own song. Like. Like, he's. Like one brother's checking himself out the other. He literally falls asleep while he's singing. He's not even rhyming anything with anything. It's not a rhyme. He's just talking.

[Giovanni]

He must have on top of his game in his career, because at that point, a producer would have been like, that's an unusable take. But he was probably like, oh, we're using that.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me hear where dad and mom are still checking each other out after 25 years of. It's the black version of why Can't We Be Friends by War? Which is like, hey, we want to make a song, but we're all too stoned to write anything down, so let's just do it. Grows up to be somebody you just love to burn. Mom loves the both of them. You see, it's in the blood. Both kids, good blood. Sticker than the mud. It's a family affair. A lot of trucks going around that stuff. Studio, right?

[Giovanni]

They propped him up at her microphone to sing this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm. I'm telling you, Gary, I'll tell you, this song is a top Keep going. I'll tell you, this is a top 20 hit. Newlyweds still checking each other out. I love that. Fireside. Newlyweds, but there's still jail. I think I've heard his head actually hit. His forehead actually hit the console.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Gary's telling us that it was a number one hit.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is that what he said?

[Brian Bishop]

The song was huge.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, when I'm asking for information and it's not on my screen, don't do the one minute thing. Give me the number one thing. Yeah, I'll never be able to cyber that. The number one. 71. 72. Fucking number one song. All it says. How high was. He just took a big swig of beer before he said that line.

[Brian Bishop]

One kid who likes to learn and one who likes to burn.

[Adam Carolla]

No, one. One kid likes to learn, the other you'd like to burn. Yeah, Mama still does both, but she loves them both. They both like macaroni and cheer. One of them doodled on a peachy folder. The other one, number one. That's how high everyone was. One kid you love to love the other one you just. Just want to kill you. Anyway, we thought maybe Lil Bungloo sue could like to sing a little family fair with us. Oh, yeah, it's definitely a family affair. One, two. Can you bring me out, Gary, in the headphone? I cannot hear. Ah, there we go. You know, some things that we do in our country is to make baby. And sometimes we have a one baby, sometimes we have a two baby. But if that baby is not a boy, then we have to kill that baby. That doesn't sound like a family affair way. Kill that baby if it's not a boy. It's got to go. Yeah. Bungalow. Yes, we're trying to. We're trying to get. No, we're. We're trying to get. Yeah, listen, Sly's looking for someone to just kind of like. Shy who? Shy. Sly. Shy. Sly. Shy in the family's. Right. Sly Stone. Yeah. Yeah. So what Sly's looking to do is. Is add another in the family Arament to the song. Another what? Errorment. Element. Element. Right. Yeah. No, Sly can't make every live shows. You know, he has a bronchial condition that's pretty bad. I will take over. No, no, he doesn't want you to take over, but he's just looking for other. Other looking at. Weave a little. Little color into the mix. You know what I mean? Understandable. Okay, so let's just try it again. Big, big hit in China. Let me. Oh, yeah. I'm just saying, but. And I like the freeform part. And I like the family affair part. But, you know, killing the daughters. Not just in our country. If first born that son, we must get rid of child, Right? And I'm sure there are plenty of things that Sly knows that he doesn't share with people. Okay, let's do this over the course of a song. Gary, take it from the top. One, two. Ichi Ni. Yes. It's a family affair. You know, when I work real hard cleaning dishes at the restaurant, I want to come home to my rabbi wife, make ground and start a family. Yeah. One boy, two boy, three boy. Not a girl. Girls are not. Yeah. Useful in my country. It's a boy affair. One billion, sir. Hey, Bungalow. Girls are not young. This school is not allowed to sing on my song. No, she's. Someone disposed of this girl. No, we don't replace her with another man. No, thank you. Gary, get rid of her. Execute her for sure. She. No, she was a. By the way. Oh, I like this. She's a cousin of Gladys Knight. You're not going to dispose of her. Gladys Knight. Gladys Knight. I like her. Yeah. And the peeps. Gladys Knight. Gladys Knight. Flattest draft. Glass Glass. Gladys. Gladys Knight. Knight. And the Pip and the Pips. Got it right. She's a cousin of Gladys Knight. And we're not just gonna dispose of her. She's a major talent. Well, in my song, we don't need a woman. Yeah, but this. Only man can sing songs. She's part of the family stone, so to speak. Whatever. All right, let's just see. Let's take this one atop. All right, let's try it again. Try to take it easy on the ladies. There she is again. Gary, cut her voice, please. She's in. She's in the band. Huh? You're the one who's not in the band. Okay. You know, Chinese men make. Maybe that way he don't have to work no more. Send kid the factory. Make lots of shoe. Eat lots of rice. As much as you can chew. It's a family affair. It's a family affair. What? Bungalow. You better make that shoe. No. Or I'll get you out of there. Hey, Bungalow. Yes? Maybe we could just focus a little on. This girl keeps singing. I really don't like her. Maybe we could just focus a little more on just making love and life and living here in the States and not so much with the Chinese and making the babies and the sweat factories and killing the women and. No, not the. Well, maybe the black Women. Yeah, wasn't on the broadcast. Black woman on top of something really big. Yeah, like making love to whale. Well, maybe we could set you up with Gladys. Just me on top of whale cousin. If you play your cards right, I'll make love to her cousin any day. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, Gary. Take it from the top. All right, all right. One more time. All right, I think I understand. Yeah. More about love and hanging loose and feeling good, you know? Mmm. Yeah, there you go. That's what I'm saying. It's a family affair. You know, Brad Grady's one thing you need little Asian man in your life. Not so big down there, but we get the job done. In and out. You don't even see us. Come. Once we're done, we disappear like ninja. We don't stick around. Have to go to work. Where's my flip from? Yeah. Need to get to work now. Yeah, okay. Come on, black woman. Give it to me now. Sing it. It's a family affair It's a family affair. Yeah, let's. Let's wrap this bungalow. Yes. You know, we'll just call me Rooster. We'll focus on the floaters next time. I just don't think like Sly. I just don't think you're gonna mesh well with Sly. He's just a different kind of guy. Sly Shri. Sly Shri. And the Framing Stone. Gladys Knight and the Pips. Gratis. Gladys Knight, Knight and a Pip and the Pips. Love them. Yeah, all of them. Tell you what you should love. Naturebox, baby. Oh, you want a snack? Smarter. You go with Naturebox. They drop off the boxes here and they're gone, baby. Oh, you can try naturebox.com. unbelievable stuff. Good tasting, good for you. I mean, this is one of these things where all the stuff they've dropped off here you would much rather have over just whatever came out of the vending machine. Like whatever BS comes out of a vending machine. It's just you don't have it. You have the vending machine, you don't have the nature box. So you reach for the vending machine.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it's there. And the proof is there's never anything left of the nature box after about 20 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Chris Maxapata devours everything that comes through this door. That's his policy. He's. You know, it is one of those things. It's not fair, but it's like one of those things where we just talk about, you're making a movie when the craft service, when lunch finally comes. Around the five people that aren't first in line are the five people that are still working. Like, it's me and the DP and the director, and those people are still working. Everyone who hasn't been doing anything for the last four hours is in the front of the line because they are there. Like, they get to go eat. And everyone else is still trying to work out the whatever for the next whatever. That's the same thing with Naturebox. They dropped this stuff off. Low man on the totem pole.

[Brian Bishop]

I was waiting for it to come around to crash. The guy who just has a spare.

[Adam Carolla]

Time, the guy who's here, unclear what he's doing, but he's here. He's here to eat and devour. Everyone else is out working. Pow. We get nothing. I did get to sample everything this time, but poor Allison, she got her stuff devoured because you stole it. I gave it to the old kids.

[Giovanni]

What's done is done.

[Adam Carolla]

For the kids in their early 40s. 0 trans fats, no high fructose corn syrup, nothing artificial, plus free shipping anywhere in the US you can try naturebox right now. Get 50% off your first box. Go to naturebox.com Adam. Stay full, stay strong. Go to naturebox.com adam. Okay. What is fructose? It's sugar.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the sugar that's in fruit.

[Adam Carolla]

Stuff that makes you fat. So delicious. That's right. But you don't need an msg. Oh, you guys. I mean, Joe. Oh, wow. No, I'm saying comedians. Wow those comedians. Slip of the tongue. You guys love it, don't you? Yeah. Put it on your cereal. Put it on popcorn at the movie post.

[Brian Bishop]

Slime move.

[Adam Carolla]

You know who, like, wow, Adam. You know who loved it? So offensive? My grandmother. You know what? That's what accent is. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

You sprinkle it on your food and it turns from black and white to color.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And my grandmother would buy accent. Like, even when they stopped selling shit, she liked the taste of msg. It's amazing. And it's probably one of those things like, I don't know, like fluoride or whatever that just. Everyone went nuts over in the 80s. And then it turns out, yeah, not quite as bad.

[Giovanni]

Nobody's not good.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know. Is it. I mean, is it. MSC is bad.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. Is that. My mom used to sprinkle that stuff on and. Please, food nuts. Don't tweet me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on one second. First off, we gotta take a quick break. Second off, there's bad. You know, there's like asbestos. They'll kill you, you know. But everyone has worked at a place that had asbestos. Their school had asbestos. Everyone's been exposed asbestos. No one's dropping debt. So, like, everyone's had a. You have eaten a dump truck of msg. Yes. Okay. For sure. You're fine, you're fine. So I'm just saying, like, how bad? I'm not saying it's good, but what are we really talking about in terms of how bad? We need to start quantifying how bad things are, you know, at the top of the list, it's the stuff that the, you know, Soviet spies get hit with that, you know, one milligram of it will kill a horse within 14 seconds.

[Brian Bishop]

And then what does sarin get?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, then you get. Then you go down from there. You know what I'm saying? All right, then gluten, then gluten. Quick, quick break Right back with Joe Coy and Co. After this, Adam Corolla. I'm just calling a spade a spade.

[Brian Bishop]

Friend to the black man.

[Adam Carolla]

Black people just don't feel like I've seen them sneeze enough. And Indians, Is there anything about Eastern Indian folks that we really like? No, there's not. And Mexicans. Their country is essentially piece of. And Jews. My grandfather's entire family was taken out by the Holocaust step grandpa, so I'm not that interested. Now Adam Carolla wants to be president, but what kind of leader would he be? I gotta rock a Hitler mustache. And would he care about you? Everyone off. Jesus Christ, Price, with your horrible opinions about everything. Adam Carolla. Now if that's racist, so be it. Go back to where you came from, Brillo head.

[Giovanni]

Authorized by concerned women, Blacks, Asians, ranchero.

[Brian Bishop]

Musicians, traffic cops, emotional sport dogs and passion fruit farmers of America.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolla's president. Me, the America that's in My Head. Available for pre order now in stores May 13th. Thank you. I should tell you that that's available for pre order. We just finished the audiobook and also Brian's book, Shrinkage New York. Ridgewood, New Jersey, and Ridgewood, I should say. And Santa Monica, California, all coming up. He's going to be doing some dates. We'll put a link on our website. And he's going to be signing his book. Correct as well.

[Giovanni]

You've done that before, right? You've done the book signings and all that? How's that? I'm nervous. How's it go?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, some towns are better than others, sadly. Your town is usually the worst.

[Giovanni]

Oh, great.

[Adam Carolla]

LA is always the worst for everything there's been. No, it's, it's great. It's true. Fans coming out to a bookstore, what have you. Now what'll fuck you up is when you go into the bookstore and it's a big Barnes and Noble and the book signings at 6:00 and you show up at 6:05 and you look to the right and you look to the left and because of the way the place is designed with the super high shelves that run, you don't see a human being. Like you'll go, oh my God, there's nobody here.

[Giovanni]

Always been canceled.

[Adam Carolla]

Like it's. Well, they're gonna cancel it. There's gonna be three. And then you, the manager leads you down a long aisle and then you turn the corner and then you see in the back there's a long line of people going around. So lines can hide in those bookstores. They're not. They don't all congregate in the front of the place. They move somewhere made for hiding people. Yeah. And sometimes they'll put it upstairs or whatever it is. So there's going to be a lot of you walking in going, oh shit, no one showed up. Like your worst nightmare realize. And there'll be some that are better tenant attended than others. But either way it always feels great because this is in a world of sort of drive by, compliments of. Hey dude, you're. What's this shit from the Bro show or whatever. Where the jigglies. I know you. Yeah, where are the jigglies? Like this is the hardcore of the hardcore. Yeah, they got the book, they waited in line and then there'd be some nice things. Like there'll be a lot of. Brought their kids. Nice lot of brought their kids. And a lot of. My fucking dad would never. There's no such thing as him bringing you. Could you imagine? It's weird what people do with their. People do everything with their kids now I don't feel like my parents did anything with their kids. They do, they bring them and then you take a picture with the kid and the dad and then somebody will have a story and then with you there'll be a bunch of. You know, my sister had cancer and this is very important. And there might be a couple of weird tears and I should have thought about that.

[Giovanni]

Oh, I just considered that for the very first time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh wow, it's gonna be heavy. Yeah, no, there's going to be a lot of pink ribbons.

[Brian Bishop]

How did you not consider that? You're so.

[Giovanni]

Boy, there's Gonna be a book signing.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple of. I lost my best friend to this thing two months before your book came out. And I read it and a flood of memories. Wish they could. And then there's gonna be. I'm sorry if I'm gonna get worse than them. There's gonna be a lot. You're gonna get a lot of that. So be sweet, be prepared. All right? They better come out and see and get that. Oh, they're gonna come out. I saw Leon Spinks at a sports memorabilia place, and it was just him at the table. And I felt so bad just sitting there. No line, no fuck, he's just eating a sandwich. I'm like, oh, fuck, man. And it's. Let me get a picture. With no two front teeth neither. That's right. Yeah. I mean, when Leon eating a sandwich is just eating a sandwich and he's just looking out into the mall. Just looking out into the mall, like, hey, I'm Leon. Well, there's a thing. Here's what I would say. I'll sign anything. Here's what I would say about this thing. It'll spare you a lot of heartache. Don't say book signing with bald Brian. 6 to 8 o'clock. Because we go to Barnes and Noble of Santa Monica or wherever you go, and it's 6 to 8 o'clock. First off, you might get a decent turnout of 45, 50 people. You can sign their books in 35 minutes. Now it's 6:35, and you're sitting there in your folding chair and someone will come by and they'll go, oh, did you want to? And they'll go, I already got my book signed. And they'll keep walking by again.

[Giovanni]

When it's done, it's done, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Because little things in life you figure out. Same with the Mangria signings. Because what'll happen is now it's been an hour. You've signed everyone's book, but it said 6 to 8. So now it's 7 o'clock and at some point you go, all right, well, no one's here. 7:22. And then you leave. And then you get this shitty tweet where someone left work early, hustled over and got there at 7:55, and you were long gone. So tell everybody for everyone out there, if you're doing. If you're signing Bald Bryan's book, my book, or selling Mangria, just say starts at 3:00. That's when he's signing. That just means you sign until you're done. Signing. Don't put an end on it. Great advice. That was good. Well, it comes from Adam. You're good, man. That's fucking good advice. They're just little things in life where you go like. Like tomorrow. I told it's never going to happen. But Matt tell Fondelaer's got to make this happen. I'm going to show up on the set tomorrow at 6am and I'm going to shoot like four or five scenes. And when I walk on the set, they're going to hand me the miniature sides. The sides. It's the miniature version of the script. It's 5 inches by 9 inches. It's stapled together, has that front sheet on it that you don't need. And they'll just hand it to you. And I've said to them two things. First off my version, highlight my shit. Number one, which I quickly turned into not only highlight the shit, but the front page that you don't highlight because it just has a crew call and some shit on it. Put a big highlighter X through it so when I set it down, I'll know where mine is because I won't have to flip through all of them. But secondly, don't put it in numerical order. That's what they always do. Put it in the order of scenes we're gonna shoot. So the first page I'm looking at is what we're shooting at 7am not what we're shooting at 4 in the afternoon. But they always put it in numerical order. They always put it. You might shoot page 17 and page 34 through 36 or whatever. And that's the order they'll put it in. But page 36 is the first thing up. Now why wouldn't you put that? It's not part of a big script. It's nine pages that are stapled together for that day and only for that day. Why would you not put that in order?

[Giovanni]

Are scenes ever rearranged the order of shooting, like once. I know they're pretty hard and fast because you have scrutations and talent.

[Adam Carolla]

You know your day because you have to light it. The other thing, Kalin will get Kaelin on the blower. It's one of these things. Dave and Alan Grier was going to come in. There are things that will just drive you fucking nuts when you're making a movie. And David Alan Greer was going to come in the following day and do his thing where he took all the. All the different medications and all the hormones and all and turned them into black kids names that's the deal he was going to do. And I did this thing. You guys tell me where you'd be with this. I explain to everybody what I need because I see the future. I know what's going to happen. David Alan Grier is not going to remember leaving a gesterol and all, leaving a detacheral and all the crazy different names. Now he's got the bit down. Oh, he's up on the porch. He's going to get his flip flop and put up her ass, whatever it is. He knows all. He knows the bit well, but he does not know all the medication names. So I say before I leave on Monday night, David's coming to shoot tomorrow morning. I said, listen, get some cue cards. Get a big fat Sharpie and just put. I don't know what is there, sick medications, whatever it is. Put just that on a cue card. Kaylin, you hold. When he's on stage, you just hold that cue card up because he'll keep going back to it and he'll forget and not know how to pronounce and blah, blah, bl. Write it phonetically, put it on a card and have it ready for David Alan Grier. Fine. Come back the next morning. You have David's cue card. By the way, everything's always. You have to follow up everything all the time. Where's David's cue cards? We have them. Let me see them. See the cue card? The cue card is written out, and it's everything that's in the script just written long form, including the top in parentheses, it says in a black woman's voice. I said, do you think you need to tell David Alan Grier that he's doing a black woman's voice when he. So then this part. Kaylan, you tell me if I'm exaggerating any of this. Will do. Okay, then there's this point, and this is the part I love. This is my favorite part of life. I go, okay, this is shit. Now. It's a bunch of cue cards. He's not gonna be. He's doing stand up. He's not gonna be reading cue cards. Yeah, he needs the names to be prompted, but he doesn't need in black woman voice. Yeah. At the top. And by the way, who's holding these things up? Because he's gonna be. He's gonna be free. Jamming up there. You're not gonna be able to hold this thing up. I said, now look, a sign twirler.

[Giovanni]

From the side of the road.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, 20 bucks an hour. I said, we These are shit. We need a big, fat, thick magic marker and we need more cue cards. Where are they? We didn't bring the cue cards or the marker. It's like, why not? Why not bring. Why not? We're all fucking. We've taken six cube vans here. Why not bring the fucking. Five blank cue cards and a big fucking Sharpie. Why not? Like, why. When has this ever gone so right? That would never. Just in case we need to change a name or something, right? So then I said, kayla, we got a big marker anywhere? Well, back at the. Everything's the number one answer for everyone. When I say to people on the set, I'd always go, you have a pen? I can get a pen. You know a guy you can have oral with somewhere in the Mexican border, like, yeah, I know you can get a fucking pen. Every human being on the planet get a fucking pen. I'm asking if you have a pen.

[Giovanni]

I have the inside track on a pen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a guy in a primered van. He's out and about. He's in the alley. If you approach him, he'll take off. So there's that one. But it is. So we flipped them all over and I told Kaylin, look, just start writing it out phonetically, each drug. And then when David Allen. And that's Kalyn, did. Did a good job. Right? Thank you.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And then soon as David Allen Grier showed up and. And he said, oh, could we get. I said, we made you some cue cards. He said, all I need is the name of the medic. And I said, of course that's all you need. We've never had the discussion about it, but I knew, of course, that's how he's going to do it now. How everything in life gets fucked up. I'll never know how it goes from on Monday night. Me going, just the cards. Just the medication on the cue cards. I know at some point somebody tells somebody, get the script. David Allen Greer wants cue cards. And they just go right off the script. Am I lying when I said in a black woman's voice? Yeah, it said that on top. Yes. Who's writing that? Who wrote that? Caleb? We couldn't figure out who was the one that was. Wrote it.

[Giovanni]

Me and Mike were asking around the studio.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody would admit to it. Someone's protecting someone in a black woman's voice.

[Giovanni]

All right, there were ninja box crumbs all over the car. Do the math.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Max. A pata. All right, should we do a little news?

[Brian Bishop]

We have a Baldiwood.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, A Baldiwood.

[Giovanni]

We can do it tomorrow if we run out of time.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do it tomorrow. Let's do a little news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison, Allison. Ah. DraftKings, baby. My listeners win like crazy. DraftKings.com America's favorite one day fantasy baseball site. Do not miss this. One guy turned 11 bucks into 4,000 bucks. Another guy got 100 grand. First time ever. Someone won a million bucks last year. DraftKings. Brian, how you hang?

[Giovanni]

I'm in a contest tomorrow afternoon, and the thing is, I'm not as good at baseball as am at football fantasy sports. But because I don't do baseball all the time or haven't done it in a while, they have beginner games where you're not competing against the Sharks like you're competing as people have played less than, you know, 10 games or whatever. So you're not jumping into the deep end.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. All right, so you may be going against the jets, for instance, or is that super gay?

[Giovanni]

It's a little gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Anyway. DraftKings.com Dawson, right now you can play for free to win real cash and enter Adam [e-mail] and get free entry into a huge contest happening this Friday. There's over 400 grand in cash prizes. It's this Friday and free spots are going quick. So enter Adam [e-mail] draftkings.com all right, Allison Rosen. Who's your new best friend, by the way, and is it Augusti?

[Brian Bishop]

Augusti.

[Adam Carolla]

Augusti. Allison. Augusti. It's weird seeing someone with your name.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. Spelled my way as well. We only 95% of the episode was about that. Yeah, she's a comedian and a comedy writer. She writes for Late Night with Seth Meyers. She's the guest on Monday.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, little news.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so in Knoxville, Tennessee, a woman who, through an Easter egg hunt for her toddler, found a decomposing dead body, which is. I mean, you'd hope if it's dead, if it's decomposing under her deck.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Quite an Easter egg they found.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So she noticed that there was a foul smell, but then she and her landscaper couldn't find anything. So prior to the discovery.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you not find that's what I found a decomposing body underneath your deck with the foul smell. Because the smell is pretty. We're all, I mean, you know, we're not truffle finding pigs, but we can all do that point where you walk, you know that thing, that thing where it's like the rat dies underneath the house or something. You kind of walk over that one spot and you, oh, yeah, it's right here's where it's bad. And then you go to the other spot and you don't smell it.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, that's what, that's what's baffling me, the fact that they are just like, oh, whatever, It'll probably go away.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I assume that house is a fucking mess. Yeah. For you not to smell what's underneath. You know, I just thought about it. They're like, oh, I was talking to someone yesterday in my son's basketball game and she. I don't know, I always. I get mad whenever I hear about anyone's family at all because I think about my family. But she's like, oh, yeah, my dad's a barber and he has. Oh, he has an old timey barbershop and we take the kids there and my boys go there and he cuts my husband's hair. And I think it's so nice when somebody in the fucking family does something. And then you think, you know, I'm sure he makes 50 grand a year and you can make 50 grand a year working at the post office, but you can't do anything for the grandkids. You work at the fucking post office. Hey, want to try my pith helmet on? I'll push my stupid cart with a handbrake on it and a leather pouch. Like, there's nothing you can do. But like, if you have a liquor store or restaurant or your barber or even a plumber or whatever, there's like shit you can do. Like, everyone goes, oh, yeah, my dad had a hardware store, so we'd always be able to take. He'd take care of whatever. And you realize it's the same living that everyone else has, except for if you have a diner, it's cool because relatives and family and friends and everyone can eat there. And you may not get rich having a barbershop, but you cut your grandkids hair and your son's hair and it's cool. And I was getting pissed off thinking that no one in my family does anything and they can't help or whatever. And then this made me think, what about my fucking dog? Like, why can't I have a cadaver dog. Why does my dog just have to be just a dog? Dog can it do other things?

[Giovanni]

Sniff out cadavers?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Not the dog itself being a cadaver.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, eventually. Eventually. But just a dog that does something other than be a dog. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think she has the potential and you guys just haven't.

[Adam Carolla]

All dogs can do any of that shit. There's not a certain breed that smells out cocaine or cadavers or backyard fruit. All they need is enthusiasm. I always thought a canine was a German shepherd until my uncle was in the canine unit and he brought some shitty dog. And I was like, what's this? Right? When I was a kid, I was like, it's supposed to be a German shepherd. Uncle Joey. No, his dog was the shit. They was like, I don't know. It was a mutt. All they think they're doing is finding their toy, but they're finding cocaine. Yeah. And that's how they train them.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you should.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is everyone's molly going on a cadaver.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Boxer Reuben Hurricane Carter. Died 76.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't miss him. Did he just. No, I didn't. I don't miss him because he was in prison for 20 years and this, like, Harvard group of, you know, whoever's all got together, a bunch of kids, and then they got him out eventually.

[Giovanni]

You overturned the conviction.

[Adam Carolla]

And his. He wasn't that grateful to them. Like, he was good and pissed off at everyone who put him in jail, but he wasn't that happy or thankful to the folks that all just donated their time. Like, found this case, like, 20 years on and Dershowitz and company and, you know, burnt a bunch of midnight oil and all the sort of. The kids that got him out, he wasn't that cool. At least when I heard him interviewed about them. Like, I would be pissed at the person that put me in jail and my jailers, but the handful of kids that went to Harvard, I'd be like, hey, guys. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks for my freedom.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, then fuck him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it wasn't that cool with that.

[Brian Bishop]

He had prostate cancer. He died in Toronto, which is where his adopted home, Denzel nailed that. Yeah. In the movie Hurricane. And also, it was a Bob Dylan song. I know he's your favorite, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't mind that song.

[Giovanni]

Do you guys see the movie? You all see the movie?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I'm the only one I didn't see. That's on top of my list. I talked a couple weeks ago. Movies that Feel like homework. It just felt like, I know where this is going in two hours of this.

[Adam Carolla]

And also somebody will look into it. But he turned into sort of a folk hero. But there's a little more gray area around it there's. Than that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the movie Paint apparently painted him as being a model citizen before this unfair arrest and you know, before he was sent to jail and stuff. But the truth is that he had a bit of a criminal record before. Nothing along the line of every boxer.

[Adam Carolla]

Has a criminal record either. Yeah, but it's true. Yeah. They wanted to turn this into a folktale. And this is how we do it. This is how our society works. And that's not how it is. Is the reality is I don't think he did what he did, but he did some other shit. And doing the other shit helps you get to the point where you're accused of doing what you do. There's a lot of like, he didn't do this, but he was there or with those guys or whatever it is. And I'm not talking about this case in particular. I'm just talking about like, we all know people who are never been near the law and never been afoul of the law. Been on the other side of the law. And it's impossible. Impossible. Matt Fondelier's never gonna. They're never gonna trump him up with charges and railroad him off anywhere because he's never there. Boom. That's right. He's in the bathroom shitting up the alibi. That's right.

[Giovanni]

Floating in the toilets.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, it became a racial thing. Yeah, as well. So in June 1966, three white people were shot by two black men at the Lafayette Bar and Grill in Patterson, New Jersey. He and his friend were convicted by an all white jury largely on the testimony of two thieves who later recanted their stories. And then they were. Then they were put back in jail again and then ultimately released.

[Adam Carolla]

So he was in juvie for assault when he was 14. That's what Gary says. But. And then he did like 20 years. But look, if somebody said to your average guy, look, you can be falsely in prison for 20 years, but Bob Dylan's gonna write a really cool song about you and Denzel Washington's gonna play you in a really cool movie where he might win an Oscar where you'll look like a hero forever.

[Giovanni]

And you're like, who's DENZEL Washington? This 20 years before.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point. It's this little kid right here. That kid's played me, that little kid. Yeah, the boys club. Yeah, the boys club. Like, if you really think about it, not. I mean, in terms of your legacy, not too shabby.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, this is silver lining.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you hear about this craziness? Rapper Andre Johnson, who was not a member of the Wu Tang Clan, but some connection to the Wu Tang Clan, cut off his penis with a kitchen knife and then jumped off a building in North Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't do that. Someone did that to him?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I think he did it. He was on pcp.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Also, first he cut off the tip, then the testicles, and then the rest of it. And then they tried to reattach it, but that failed. But he and his penis bits were taken to a hospital.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I see this picture?

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just judging by the look of him, the guys who had to collect his penis were like, okay, bird on three, here we go. Got the gurney out there we go. When you move a dolphin. One, they use that net. Two, hit it with water. Hit it with water. Keep hitting it, keep hitting it. Keep hitting it with pineapple flavored soda. Let's go. Here we go. Maybe it was just too big to reattach. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Brian Bishop]

He was a member of North Star, a Long beach hip hop group. And he rapped or raps maybe, I don't know, under the name Christ bearer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. Well, maybe he's a little nutty. Just a little pcp. By the way, you know how we all do that thing where there's a. We have the white guy crime and the black guy crime. This is not the black guy. This is not. You know, it's like when you hear about the serial killer, the guy who shot up the school, you go, okay, that's the pasty white kid. This is not the cutting off of the dork. And the jumping off the balcony is not the work of the brother.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you make of that?

[Adam Carolla]

I think the PCP probably helped breaks down the color barrier.

[Brian Bishop]

It's equal opportunity, and my guess would have been bath salt beforehand. Do you guys know anyone who has done or does pcp?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. I may have, but I can. Has anyone ever warned anybody before they took the pcp? Like, hey, I just want you to know you might cut your dick off try.

[Brian Bishop]

Not much. Says that on the bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

It's on the bottle. Is it on the bottle? Right on the bottle.

[Brian Bishop]

Side effects. Yeah, but everyone knows it makes you very violent. It says that on the bottle, too.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do one more NASA.

[Brian Bishop]

Discovered an earth sized planet that may sustain life. It's called Kepler 186F.

[Adam Carolla]

It's catchy.

[Brian Bishop]

It's 490 light years away.

[Adam Carolla]

Virgin flight.

[Brian Bishop]

Elisa Quintana of the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute at NASA said this is the first definitive earth sized planet found in the habitat. Habitable. Habitable. Which one of those? Zone. This is like a real harassment by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

She gains £20 with every big word that comes out of her. I know I sound horrible, I know I sound horrible. I've done it at jpl. Not at jpl, at. Who does all the earthquake seismology stuff over here?

[Giovanni]

The Geological survey? Yeah, the NSGs or something. National Geological Survey.

[Adam Carolla]

Whenever those, whenever there's tremor those chicks come out. I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, big habitable zone around another star. Finding such planets is a primary goal of the Kepler space telescope. This discovery not only proves the existence of worlds that might be similar to our own, but will undoubtedly shape future investigations of exoplanets that could have terrestrial surface environments. And after spotting it, the institute wasted no time searching for emissions that could indicate the presence of extraterrestrials. So basically space.

[Adam Carolla]

She's up to £850. Can I say this?

[Brian Bishop]

But they couldn't find him.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe. Is this still a hunch though? Should we. But can I say this? I don't want us to find any planets that are habitable by us. Habitable, Habitable. You want to know why? Because I feel like we're already treating this earth like a rental car. And as soon as like, what if somebody starts saying to my kids and the next generation, hey, there's a place just like this. We can get there pretty quick. It's like this. But the old this, it's not all fucked up. Yeah. You know, it's ozone is cool and there's not a bunch of shit floating.

[Brian Bishop]

In the ocean never turning off a light.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. They're like, we're already in fuck it mode as it is. Yeah. Why do we tell everyone? Oh, don't worry. When we're done with this fucking box of Kleenex, we'll just go hit the next one. Wait till we get to New Earth. I want the word to go out early and often. This is it. Yeah, fuck this up. That's it. No more sandboxes to shit in. This is yours.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, see that, this is what I'm trying to understand. The fact that this is such a big story because it's potentially. I can't. This, this Word. Not even gonna do it. Because it's potentially that. Yeah, potentially. That is good news because we could maybe live there one day. Because there's no way we can get 490 light years away. Or it just means, hey, there might be life out there.

[Adam Carolla]

It means someone can make a movie and that movie will be a little more plausible. Yeah, that's. That's what all this stuff means. It all. It's all away. At the end of the movie, they go, I believe it. There's a place out there that would support a form of life, an evil form of reptilian.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, like us.

[Adam Carolla]

Evil with red eyes. Form of life. By the way. God damn it, I was watching that fucking, you know, Pacific Ram, all right, and it's like, like, well, when the F22 Raptors with the side winding missiles wouldn't do any good, we had to make Giant Row. And it's like, when did the F22 Raptors with the side winding missile stop doing any good against a life force? Like a thing that was alive?

[Giovanni]

Well, they are from another realm.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. But we have things that fire missiles that will pierce your five inch thick armor. Forget about us there. We have. We have missiles that we can fire from a Warthog or whatever that will go through 7 inches of hardened steel and then blow up inside the tank turret. Like, there's no shell that the turtle has that's gonna stop that or scales on the thing that comes from the ocean. We'll have to build robots to do battle with it. We'll just get some more F22s. I know they show one F22, like flying under its armpit and it's swatting it to the ground. It's like, well, I guess that's never gonna work. Every single one of those movies starts off with a go get the tanks. The tank fires one rocket at the thing. The thing steps on the tank and they go, well, that's never gonna work. What if we just conducted wars that way?

[Giovanni]

The one tank didn't work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What if we just went, you know what? This is my fucking favorite plane. That C130 gunship that just has a Gatling gun. It flies in a slow circle and just rains hell spent uranium down on everything underneath it and shreds everything that's on the ground. Everything. Amazing. I. Drives me nuts. The monsters from it. But what if we said like, hey, hey, hey, Colonel Doolittle, get your, get your. Get your P.O. let's see. Get your B30, B37s or B38s gassed up, and we'll launch them for Tokyo. And it's like, oh, that's 1942. And most of them didn't make it back, so. So let's just. Let's let's make a giant robot to take over Tokyo. Or should we make more airplanes to go over there and bomb Dresden and Tokyo and just fucking take them out in a ball of fire? Like, that's how we win wars. We get tanks destroyed, we get planes knocked out of the sky, submarines, battleships, aircraft carriers are sunk. And then we build more. And then we do the exact same thing. And then we beat the shit out of everyone. Then we gotta do the same with the monsters. Thank you. Bring it home.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the news. I'm habitable. Allison Rosen. Sip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, I just want you to know, you might cut your dick off. That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, Tire rack, baby love. These guys just went there looking at tires. Always looking, always learning. Learning. Joe, can I ask you a question? What the hell did you drive? Well, you got the big Mercedes G Wagon. I got a G wagon and a Expedition, the big one. Well, what's on that G? Oh, man, that's got some big tires, huge tires, 20 inch rims. Did you put something on there? No, I didn't put anything on there. Comes with 20. Yeah, he loves to get same in the front and the back. Yes, but I want to change them. Okay, we got to go to tire rack. I'm saying same in the front, the back. Whoo. 265 is a weird size. 285 seems too big. I am never gonna get tired of this. 245 seems too small. 255 to 265, and I'm gonna go 35 series. 35 series. That's it. No, double guess. 35 series. That's it.

[Giovanni]

You gonna guess the size?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he said it was a 20 inch ram, so I'm gonna go with. I'm go with him. Tire rack. Gary's gonna come out. I just love it. I love tire rack. So look, you want to get some new tires, you go to tirek.com you put in the size of your rim, the size of your tire, and then tells you every manufacturer that makes that car tire and how much everyone is, and all the tread wear ratings and consumer ratings. And then they go out and test everything. It's everything for your car. Rims, tires, shocks, whatever. It's all there. 35 years of experience. Check them out online. Tirerack.com. okay, me at Caroline's on Broadway. That is May 13th. Greg Gutfeld is going to be there. We'll launch my book, all of us, San Francisco. We'll figure out where that thing's gone clean, but I think palace of Fine Arts. Pierre's got some sizes written down. 265. 60. Oh, it's a G wagon. Yeah, 60. How did you know? You got 18 inch rims. I don't even know what I have. I was just shrugging my shoulder when you said it. Oh, okay. 60 series. Well, I guess you gotta have. Well, it's. It's some tire because you're driving a truck. Yeah, all right, well, I got the 265 right, but I fucked up the sixes. Takes a big man to admit when Joe Coy is wrong. Anyway, Richmond, Virginia, May 21st. [e-mail] Help us fight the patent trolls. Y'all fund anything. Thank you so much. We're gonna fight them. We're gonna beat them. So until next time, Adam Corolla for Alison Rosenbal. Brian and Joe Coy. Jo Koy J o k o y.com find out where there he's playing. Coming to a town near. You saying mahalo.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you get a boner?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Giovanni]

All right, that is it for today's cool classics. Until next week, mahalo and get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Giovanni]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker.

[Adam Carolla]

Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump Run Forest.

[Giovanni]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and.

[Adam Carolla]

Shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.