Marlon Wayans + Deaf Frat Guy (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Marlon Wayans + Deaf Frat Guy (Carolla Classics)

Date: August 30, 2025
Podcast: Adam Carolla Show (Carolla Classics)
Episode Guests: Marlon Wayans, Deaf Frat Guy, Laura Ingraham, Arnaz J
Featured Clips: Show #1434 (2014) & Show #1444 (2014)
Host(s): Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop
Producer: Superfan Giovanni

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Brief Overview

This “Carolla Classics” episode revisits fan-favorite and notable moments from previous Adam Carolla Show episodes, focusing on segments featuring Marlon Wayans, Laura Ingraham, Deaf Frat Guy (DFG), and comedian Arnaz J. The show delivers the trademark Carolla blend of unfiltered humor, cultural commentary, raucous improv riffing, candid conversations about race, pop culture, and everyday absurdities, with a bonus helping of classic Adam rants.

The two primary throwback segments covered:

1. An interview with Marlon Wayans (with Laura Ingraham calling in), featuring discussions about comedy, family, social commentary, race, and more.
2. A signature appearance from Deaf Frat Guy, leading a Halloween-themed “JV or All Balls” segment, and further raucous banter around food, sports, racial stereotypes, and American life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Art of Comedy, Family Influence, and Race – with Marlon Wayans

[63:31–89:23]

• Comedy Family Dynamics:
  Marlon discusses the Wayans family's comedic lineage and the realities of "Who’s the funniest?"

  • “It’s not about pure horsepower — it’s about how much gets to the rear wheels.” (Adam, 64:46)
  • Each family member has a style; Keenan is the “Godfather,” Damon the quick wit, Marlon the wild card.

• Battling Adversity (Addiction, Family):
  Marlon shares stories about his brothers, notably Dwayne's struggles with addiction and the impact it had on the family.

• Comedy vs. Drama:
  Explores comedic actors doing dramatic roles:

  • “Nobody understands how hard comedy is. Drama, we all have tears. Can you make people laugh until they cry?” (Marlon, 84:32)

• Race, Sex, and Cultural Commentary:
  Hilarious, honest, and raw exchanges about attraction, body types, stereotypes, and inter-group differences.

  • The “big ass vs big boobs” debate and the black/white male gaze (72:07–74:43)
  • "White guys like tits. We like ass. I don’t care about tits. Tits don’t have a hole between them.” (Marlon, 72:38)

2. Social Commentary: Service Culture & Decline of Courtesy

[29:30–45:44, 53:54–61:41]

• Adam and Laura Ingraham discuss declining customer service and the toxic attitude in service roles—contrasting Trader Joe's and In-N-Out Burger with indifferent airport security staff.

  • “When someone in the service industry has a good attitude now, you’re shocked.” (Laura Ingraham, 30:40)
  • The notion that positive work culture comes from ownership/leadership.

• Commentary on career transitions and life satisfaction, particularly the trend of people abandoning law for media or entertainment.

3. Parenting, Responsibility, and Safety

[54:15–56:12]

• Adam reflects on home security and simple, practical “safe rooms” rather than over-the-top panic rooms—offering practical advice for listeners.
  • “$200 retrofit...easily done by a handyman.” (Adam, 55:43)

4. Societal Evolution: Law Enforcement & Cooperation

[57:00–61:41]

• Adam comments on the polarization between citizens and police, the impact of cell phones on policing, and the loss of mutual respect.
  • "Best way to deal with cops is like a beehive: don’t throw a rock and stand under it." (Adam, 58:17)

5. “JV or All Balls” and Bizarre Frat Rituals – with Deaf Frat Guy

[136:07–145:57]

• Fan-favorite, absurd “JV or All Balls” segment: DFG lobs Halloween-adjacent scenarios to the crew for rapid-fire judgment (good = “All Balls”; lame = “JV”).
• Topics include cross-dressing for Halloween, egging houses, the infamous "Ookie Cookie" game, and other college pranks.
  • "Jv or all balls: playing ‘Ookie Cookie’ with candy corn?” (DFG & Adam, 141:27–144:12)
  • "Never let other people define you—especially others.” (DFG, 145:22)

6. Sports, Risk, and Racial Culture

[115:12–130:37]

• Adam and crew breakdown a pivotal baseball World Series play, reflecting on safe management vs. going for glory.
• Deep riff on white/black/Jewish “risk appetite”:
  • "Who’s eating pig’s feet and who’s bungee jumping off a bridge?” (Adam, 183:00–186:35)
  • “Whitey bungee jumps because he has nothing to worry about in real life—so he needs the thrill!” (Adam, 185:54)

7. Food, Stereotypes, and Socio-Economic Realities

[179:45–183:46]

• Candid and comedic exploration of who eats what in America and why, from Shaq’s pineapple soda to generational soul food recipes and dietary shifts as economic status improves.

8. Viral Culture, Outrage, and Free Speech

[168:16–176:10]

• Bill Maher “de-platformed” at Berkeley for anti-Islam comments: Discussion on campus intolerance, tribal outrage, and hypocrisy of modern free speech politics.
  • "It’s all taking place in my living room.” (Adam, 172:48)

9. Parenting, Halloween, and Society’s Limits

[191:17–195:12]

• Critique of using children as social statement props (e.g., dressing a toddler as a pot leaf, Ray Rice costumes, etc.)
  • "Your kids may want to run for Senate one day. There’ll be pictures of them as Ray Rice’s wife." (Adam, 194:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the “Funniest” People
  "You wouldn't know any of their names. They're living in a basement in Brattleboro, Vermont." (Adam, 65:18)

• On Stand-Up and the Comedy Grind
  "The more you do it, the better you get. ... The key is to keep them listening." (Marlon Wayans, 88:06–88:34)

• On Service Industry Attitudes
  "Everybody’s always trashing. Everybody’s jealous. ... When someone’s just genuinely nice, we’re shocked." (Laura Ingraham, 30:53)

• On Parenting and Responsibility
  "When your dog gets out and bites somebody, it's on you." (Adam, 79:20)

• On Law Enforcement
  “The best way to deal with cops is sort of like the best way to deal with a beehive.” (Adam, 58:17)

• On Free Speech/Campus Politics
  "The PC police have gone nuts. This guy’s an atheist who’s never stopped championing the whole climate change thing..." (Adam, 169:39)

• On Risk and Race
  “Whitey bungee jumps because he has nothing to worry about in real life—so he needs the thrill!” (Adam, 185:54)

• On Frat Guy Wisdom
  "Never let other people define you—especially others." (DFG, 145:29)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Marlon Wayans Family/Comedy Discussion: 63:31–89:23
• Service Industry/Trader Joe's Riffs: 29:30–45:44
• Home Security and Panic/Safe Room Solutions: 54:15–56:12
• Law Enforcement Commentary: 57:00–61:41
• “JV or All Balls” with Deaf Frat Guy: 136:07–145:57
• Bill Maher/Berkeley Free Speech Rant: 168:16–176:10
• Halloween Parenting/Costume Outrage: 191:17–195:12
• Food Culture and Racial Stereotypes: 179:45–183:46

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Episode Tone and Style

True to The Adam Carolla Show’s no-holds-barred reputation, the episode is a mix of comedic honesty, social observation, irreverence, and genuine rapport. The hosts and guests riff with candor on sensitive topics—race, family, food, sex, work, and current events—balancing edgy humor with moments of insight or vulnerability.

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For New Listeners

This compilation embodies The Adam Carolla Show's signature style: quick wit, cultural slices, and group riffing, blending thoughtful commentary with wild, uncensored comedic energy. If you’re new to the show, anticipate hard-edged but thoughtful banter, wide-ranging pop culture references, and the sort of candidness that’s rare in modern media.

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Additional Segments Briefly Highlighted

• Arnaz J on The Harlem Globetrotters & Comedy Career: Tales from sports to stand-up, reflections on black and white risk-taking, and airline antics.
• Classic Adam Tangents: From picky dishwasher arguments to mouthwash preferences, the show’s appeal lives in the unpredictable directions these discussions take.

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Listen for:

• Candid and insightful comedy shop-talk
• Unfiltered race, culture, and gender debates
• Hysterical social observations
• The rare mix of sharp commentary and broad, accessible humor

If you missed these classic episodes, this Carolla Classics montage brings you the very best, with all content and absurdity you expect from the ACE Man and crew.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Masa Chips. Here's something you probably didn't know back in the day, every chip and every fry were they were all cooked in tallow. Not the seed oil junk. Yeah, you've heard about that. Now it's all seed oil and that ain't good for you. Then Sometime in the 90s, big companies swapped that out, the tallow for the cheap, highly processed seed oils. And now seed oils are sneaking into everything. Read the label. Everything's got seed oil. Masa. No. The ingredients, organic Nick's tamalized corn, some sea salt, and 100% grass fed beef tallow. And this stuff is so good. I mean, it's weird because usually when you do a healthier version of something, it doesn't taste as good. This tastes even better. I eat them all the time. Real ingredients, real flavor, real satisfaction. Am I right, Dawson?

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Masa Chips is beloved by thousands of customers and has been endorsed by industry leading health and nutrition experts. Ready to give Masa a try? Go to masachips.com corolla and use code Corolla for 25% off your first order. That's masachips.com Corolla and code Corolla for 25% off YOUR first order.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

We play the best moments, highlights and.

[Adam Carolla]

Fan selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Marlon Wayans]

We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You can find it on Podcast one Premium. You can find every episode ad free. And if you'd like to find the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla.

[Marlon Wayans]

Show or the Adam and Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Show or get exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it Out.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcohler substack. Com and if you'd like to request the clip, Please email us classicsamcurla.com all.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, let's get to the clips.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Coming first we have Adam Crillo Show 1434. This one's got Marlon Waynes, Laura Ingram.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014. Good day, Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Carolla and bald Brian. Were you in? Did you.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

I'm sorry, go ahead.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Someone on Twitter with the name of Obonife Fight twittered me and was like, hey, is there an Andrew Wk? I think maybe drop where he gets tongue tied. And I'm like, yes, there is. It's from 2012 and it's today's hashtag topdrop.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was, well, a couple thoughts. You should. I had A thing happen to me very early this week, just coming off of doing all this mixing and everything for Roadhar. And there's a lot of posts, a lot more than you'd ever think in a movie. And there's a lot you can do and you can improve things a lot. There's a lot of messages you can convey and things like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you recast me after the fact?

[Adam Carolla]

The dog is in, but you're. No, you're in. You're in. And a lot of people aren't in.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

All you did want Allison in a lot of people.

[Adam Carolla]

I lost it hard against it. I fought hard for you. Thank you. No, we just did that scene and it's a dog on a plane. Surprise, surprise.

[Allison Rosen]

And no, I don't play the dog.

[Adam Carolla]

See, she is stewardess, actually fly. Fly lieutenant, but flight attendant. But it's so funny. So I've watched that scene. I've been cutting the shit out of that scene for four months. But it's dry. I've done it dry. And now that I've pissed myself, I just saw it for the first time when the guys at the sound mix studio were able to really mix it. And you hear the dog and the little. You know, when you pet the dog and the little chain rustling around, much funnier. Like a completely different thing. Like you think.

[Allison Rosen]

And is all of that Foley?

[Adam Carolla]

No, a little of it is just mixing it and pulling it out. Some of it's a little Foley, some of it is just a little like we're in a fake airplane that's sitting in Van Nuys on a slab and you need a little. What's going on in the cockpit? Little noise coming from outside the plane and other jets sort of taxiing. Otherwise it just plays weird and dry. And somehow the way your brain reacts to it is in just a weird negative way. So it's like you're in an airplane. It's a sort of beehive of activity inside and outside the airplane, but there's nothing going on because we're just sitting on the ground in a tube. And you start mixing all that in and it just becomes ingredients in a stew. And you think you have it. Like, you think, well, there's big chunks of beef in there, big chunks of potato and big chunks of carrot. We're good, right? And you go, yeah, but a little dash of salt and paprika and everyone goes, yeah, but what? Different. No, no. It really starts to bring it out in a big way. A little pinch of rosin, little pinch of Rosen in there. And I was just watching that scene, and I was laughing, and I had seen it 500 times. I never saw it mixed up. And had the dog, little thing, panting and the whole nine yards. So that was really nice. A good example of how you should all internalize instead of externalize. And a good little real world exercise in internalization. Diane Farr, my love interest, she had come in for a long ADR looping session, and, oh, she was on Loveline, mtv, million years ago. And Rescue Me. And she's a real good actress. How about you leave the joking to Adam?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oops. Other one.

[Adam Carolla]

Other one from mtv.

[Laura Ingraham]

I'm leaving the jokes to Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Wasn't that right? It's the same one. No, neither one is that far.

[Allison Rosen]

That's Laura kiteling her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Either way, she's the other one. Well, actually, there have been five of them, actually. It's been. It's one of my things. It's why I cannot stand television, because there's no apologies in tv. Every producer, such a fucking pompous ass. They don't have a reverse gear and they can't take a step backwards. And when we started. Then. I'll get to this. But now I'm pissed off. We did this when we started Loveline on mtv. I said, we don't have a perky female co host. And they said, well. Well, you're gonna need one now. And we said, she's just gonna get in the way. And they said, well, this is tv. We know what we're doing. And I said, she's gonna be sitting in between me and Dr. Drew and sort of interrupting the flow that we've been working on for the past several months. And she said. They said, listen to us, kid. And they put a girl in there. And it was like, after season one. Well, she didn't work out. And by the way, she didn't work out means you were wrong. But they'll never say that. So they said she didn't work out.

[Allison Rosen]

Who was the first one?

[Adam Carolla]

Chris McGaha. Who was the Chris McGaha. The Chris McGaha who was married. Oh, no. At the time. Sorry. Please take this in the spirit in which it's intended. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, dear.

[Adam Carolla]

But the good thing about the bad thing about dudes is they don't really have nerve endings. And the good thing about dudes is they don't really have nerve endings. So Chris McGaha, who was going through a horrible breakup with her boyfriend, was now tasked with the notion of having to come in and give love advice and just flip off that switch where she was crying and arguing with her guy on the phone in her dressing room. And now just put your makeup on and get out there and make funny. And I think for guys, we can do that because we're not so tuned in. You know what I mean? I think a guy could be going through a horrible divorce. Just find out about it and then go out and gang tape, like, five game shows, and you wouldn't fucking know the difference on Pat Sajak's face.

[Allison Rosen]

I think I'm actually more like a dude in that way.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good.

[Allison Rosen]

I have the ability to shut it off and then I turn it back on for six weeks after you save it up. Have I talked about my dog?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's sadly, but it's sort of called being a professional. I mean, we demanded of our airplane pilots and everyone else, the guys. People drive school buses. We can't have. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I'm having a horrible day. I'm all over the road, you know? But Chris was going through a very tough breakup with.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I don't know who Chris McGaha is, I'll be honest with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the show wasn't exactly springboard to success. There's a comedian who killed himself few. Few years back. Oh, platypus man. Yeah, well, you'll will come up with it. But anyway, the. Richard Jennings. Richard Jennings. Richard Jennings. She was going through. She. I don't know. They dated for a long time. They're breaking up, and it was hard on her. Don't blame her. I know what that feeling's like, but hard to do a TV show with someone who's breaking up with somebody, especially when it comes to love advice, you know? But anyway, it didn't work.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

She comes to you for support and.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, what are you gonna do first year anyway? Every year, one person lasted one year. And every year, the producers, because they're always pompous asses, would say, something's wrong with that person. And I'd say, it's not the person, it's the position. It's the format. We don't need that person. And they would go, shh, we're producers. And they would hire another person. So in, like, four seasons, we had five girls, and they're all great. They're all awesome. And Diane Farr was definitely one of the. One of the good ones, and she was doing some ADR work for us. They go in, you look at a big screen, you loop it. And we had her for one session. And then I was watching the movie at my house. And I came up with a brainstorm. Aha. When she comes out of the general store, we're on her back for, like, a good five steps, and she's talking to me, but she's not really saying anything. And I'm going to put these words in her mouth, and we got to get Diane Farr back here, and I got to put these words. We got to get these words out of her mouth.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Was this the Mangria talking, or did you really want to do it?

[Adam Carolla]

The Mangria is in hand. It helps free me up creatively. Sure. But there is just no. There is no substitution for just sitting and staring and living with something for a while. Just show it again. Sit alone, show it again. Watch half on a Friday night, half on a Saturday night. Just sit there and watch it.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Where's the fine line? Because you've talked about Allison's famous rosinating. Thinking about something too long. You fixate on something, and then you've thought about it too much. You have too many lines.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's the fine line?

[Allison Rosen]

Like the wallpaper. Just look at it and whatever you go with. But this is. Figure I'm answering for, Adam. It's just figuring something out logically.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, thanks, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

This is. Yeah, good. Next time, make me funny. I'm known for being. For having snappy retorts. So I was just. It flies in the face of what I'm saying. And what I'm saying is, you're picking out wallpaper, Turn around and point at one, and that's when you're at your purest. But this is not that. This is a constant sort of you designing something, and you just sort of going through it and going through it, and it's such. It's so. There's so many elements to it that you can never just go through it. The wallpaper's just. You point at the 1.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Is it as simple as creative? Ver. Practical. You know, wallpaper, practical movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know how to explain it other than when I did the movie the Hammer, and I've told you this one, but it's been a while. When I did the movie the Hammer, there was a scene where in the van, and the guy who was driving the van said, swap with me if the cop gets out. The cop pulled us over. He said, switch seats with me. And I said, no, I'm not getting a ticket. And he said, hey, they're going to impound the van. I got warrants. So if he comes up and I'm sitting here. We're going to get towed. So if he's coming up and you're sitting here, you're getting a ticket, so swap seats with me. And I said, no, I'm not going to do it. And for about 20 different cuts of that movie, we showed me going, fine, getting up and swapping as we're swapping, then we'd go to the outside and the cop came around the window, and there I was sitting there. It was really on, really, like the 37th cut, where I just looked at it one day and I went, why are we showing us getting up and swapping? Why do we need to know that? Let's reveal it. Let's have the cop pull around. So have me in the van go, I'm not swapping seats with you. And then when the cop pulls around to the driver's side, I'm sitting there with a look on my face. Well, I don't know why it took 37 of those viewings for me to go one day. I just pointed at it, went, why we. Why are we showing me do it. And by the way, no one else in the room caught it either, but everyone agreed, oh, that's a much better reveal. We don't want to tip it and show you've been doing it. No one else thought of it. Took me 37 tries to figure it out. But that's just how this process works. And at a certain point, you have to just walk away and go, we're done. But I'm not at that point yet. So I was staring at it. I was coming up with some stuff, and I thought, well, put some words in the back of Dan Farr's head while she's walking out of this country store. And we got to get her back in studio. And here's where my internalization part works versus externalization. The next morning I woke up. I noticed on my cell phone there's a message from Nate, who's doing the producing, who said in the ADR got Diane Farr into the sound studio and we're laying down some more stuff with Diane Farr. And I thought to myself, this is about 9, 10 in the morning. I'm looking at the message. He hit me at about 9. I said, Ooh, I got to get these words into her mouth. And this can be easy. I'll do it over the phone. They'll just hand the phone and I'll say, just say this, like five words. But it's really going to make a difference. But what did I do? I said, well, these things usually go on for a few hours. And I just got up, I'm tired, I'm going to brush my teeth, have a cup of coffee. And I want to let this go on too long, but I'm going to get up, get a cup of coffee. And then I called at 9:30 and I said, nate, I got some words for Diane. And he said, well, she just left.

[Allison Rosen]

How fast was that session?

[Adam Carolla]

My God, that's what I said. Normally they start 10 minutes late and they run at two hours long. And she said it was a quick one. And first I got pissed. I said, nate, why didn't you tell me the night before? Why didn't you tell me she was coming in? And he said, I don't know, she's in now, you know. And I told you at nine in the morning. And I was like.

[Allison Rosen]

And she was there till 9 11, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It was worse than 911 for me. Well, I said I didn't have any family there. So I said I started to get pissed at him. And then I thought to myself, well, let's figure out a way to make this about me because I would like to correct this behavior. In my world. I can't control other people's worlds. Next time this comes up, immediately call the person. Don't give it 20 or 25 minutes. Don't drink your cup of coffee. Who knows, maybe she's just dropping off a couple syllables and she's on her way to rescue me. Part two. So call. And I just said, fuck it, I should have done it. He should have contacted me the night before and said she's coming in, but that's him. I gotta work on me. I should have called immediately. And then I said, well, now we gotta get her back. And she's shooting in Vegas and she's gonna be there for 10 days. Then I got pissed at him again. But then I got pissed at me again.

[Allison Rosen]

Can she just do it in Vegas?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You know, microphones out there, it's trying.

[Adam Carolla]

To work it out. But it is one of those things where whenever these things happen, you must be punished. Right? Like when I call spiritually.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

When I look at the phone at 9:10 and know she's in there doing a session. And I wait till 9:33 and N gives me, oh, she's just down the road. And then he gives me the. I can email her and see if she'll just double back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, do that. There's no such thing as. Well, she can come by tomorrow afternoon. It's. Oh, nope, she's leaving town, and she'll be gone for an extended period of time because otherwise. Otherwise there'd be no pain involved with it whatsoever.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Did you learn a lesson?

[Adam Carolla]

I learned whatever lesson there is to be learned. The learn the lesson is to jump on it. Well, here's the lesson. This was 80% out of my control, but there's 20% of it I can control. So let's focus on that 20%, because if you want to focus on the 80%, that's the 80% you can't control. Why go through life that way?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

True.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The next time is. Even though I waited a scant 25 minutes for a session that normally takes a few hours, I did not, and Nate did not include a thing that said she's in here for a couple of minutes or she's just picking something up. But the moral of the story is, next time, it's that thing of like, I just left my car unlocked for a second when I ran in an apartment. I ran back out, my backpack was gone, like, okay, but you still.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

That's all it takes.

[Adam Carolla]

You still. That's still on you. Tell you what I did use, though, in that 25 minutes. Smart mouth, man. I love it. Know what I do with the smart mouth stuff? It's a great rinse. It's a mouthwash, but I love brushing my teeth with it. I give four squirts. Comes in a little pump bottle. Yeah, I tried that out after you. After you told me.

[Brian Bishop]

It's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty sweet, isn't it? I really like it. It's a power move for your molars. Yeah. I enjoyed the sensation so much that the next time I did two from each pump. It's. It's an like an. It's like. It's an agitation move. You take the. You give like four pumps, and then you put the toothbrush in your mouth and you fire it up the electric one, and you just close your mouth tight around it, and it's like scrubbing bubbles. Your whole mouth going off. It's awesome. I don't have the electric toothbrush, but I found myself just brushing two times. Vigorous. Do it with the electric toothbrush. This stuff becomes weaponized inside your mouth, just killing every ounce of plaque and bad breath. It is good stuff. It is. I don't know. It keeps your mouth fresh for 12 hours, and that ain't bad. Fresh breath all day. Smart mouth. You can find it. I'm telling you, this stuff is different. It's good. Just check it out. Try it. It's in the green box at the CVS pharmacy or wherever you shop. Laura Ingram is on line five. Yeah, no, she will be in five. Oh, Laura Ingram Foner in five. I'm sorry. Okay. May I ask you a question? Yeah. That is. Yes.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

You know, you can get the ADR while she's in Vegas really easily. You can just get her on a Bluetooth over the phone. Get her in a booth in front of a good microphone.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen to what she's saying in front of a good microphone.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

There are studios and good microphones everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but she's on the set. She's filming a. Whatever. I don't know what she's filming, but it's hard to get her to. I mean, believe me. Oh, no. I sent a long email with a. Could we get you to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not saying. No, no. Matt typed it.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

You can turn any hotel room into a really easily, you know, a really nice, good sound booth with just some pillows and some sheets.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm with you on that. All I'm saying is it's like just like we were talking about before with Bryan Cranston. Requires a step. And when you're in the. As a guy who's ignored many email in the throes of battle, when you're working on a project, that's what you're working on. You're not thinking about the freebie from back in LA where you already did the guy a favor and you already were in there two times. And it's nice, but you'll get to it when you get to it, there's no sense of urgency. That's what I'm saying.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Is this something that if the movie is released every time you see it, are you gonna. Man, I wish it was that way. Because if it was, I would.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, when it comes to these things. And yes, it would bother me. It would bother me because I can make this better, and it wouldn't be. But I'll tell you what it is. And I've had this conversation quite often with many people, and I do it as it pertains to home restoration. I've had the conversation with Lynette many times where I say, you know, she's like, why do you need that hinge? You know, just use the regular hinges. You don't need the big decorative whatever hinges. You already got the decorative knob and the decorative whatever and the decorative fixture. You know, people think in terms of, well, you want a big chandelier. But then when it comes down to the little drawer pulls or the little. The hinges or whatever, those kind of details. So what? It's all right. I basically say, look, it all adds up. And when you walk into a house that's incredibly done. Have you ever walked into a house that's incredibly done, and you could just smell it? Like, you just feel it, absorb it. Like, everywhere you looked Versailles, there was something.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Well, thought's been put into every little thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I don't mean necessarily, you know, the Shah of Iran's sister's place above Ivan Reitman's house. You guys gotta see it.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Below Ivan Reitman's house.

[Adam Carolla]

It's above it, actually. But you do gotta see. But I didn't want to embarrass Reitman when he was on the show. But 12 years ago, or whenever it was, when Jimmy and I were over there, it was right about when Oprah bought her place up the street from Reitman's place, she paid 55 million. Ivan just sort of looked at me and smiled and said, my place a little better. Which I took to mean worth a little bit more.

[Laura Ingraham]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

And she had amazing drawer pulls.

[Laura Ingraham]

Or he did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No. Have you ever walked just through the front door of, like, an old Spanish house in Pasadena or something? Or Craftsman house where every single bit was done? Everything.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Yeah. It's not opulent. It's like thought's been put into everything. The crown molding or the hinge, the detail.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a guy named Jonathan Ward and he redoes four wheel drive cars, and he does like Land Cruisers and stuff like that. And every screw, every nut, every bit, every piece, and you don't even know what you're looking at. Your brain is just going, this is all. Everything's good. Everything about this is good. But you don't know, oh, that and. Oh, that. No, that. Just like when you walk into that house, you don't go, oh, that hinge. Oh, that base shoe. Oh, that crown one. You look around. So generally take it in. If there's a fresco or something, you go, that's a beautiful fresco. But you're absorbing the entire thing. And I think if you're working on a movie and it's the same way doing an album, it's like every little bit, every little 2%, every 1%. When you stand back, it ends up adding up. It adds up. It's pretty substantial to how much it adds up to at the end. So you go, well, so what, 3%? Yeah. But then there's another 2% over here and a 6% over there and eventually you got like a nice little chunk of 20 or 25%. And then that's just the difference between walking into the house where it's the Spanish Revival, but it's couple corners cut with a hollow corridor. It looks, it would look to a robot this way.

[Laura Ingraham]

Cord around.

[Adam Carolla]

Cord around instead of base shoe. Thank you. Laura Ingram's on the phone. Laura, good to speak to you.

[Laura Ingraham]

How you doing Adam, how's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing well. Good to speak to you as per usual.

[Laura Ingraham]

Oh, it's great to hear your voice.

[Adam Carolla]

The podcast Laura Ingraham show, it's available now on podcast1.com and tell us about your story because I think I substituted for you a time or two on your terrestrial radio program but I never really got your full background and your full story.

[Laura Ingraham]

Sure. Well, first of all I'm hearing you talking about houses. I'm about to build a house. I'm going to have you come here for at least two days to make sure I'm not getting ripped off on my home build. I'll talk to you about that. I don't want to bore your.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you, where are you building your house?

[Laura Ingraham]

Well, I don't want to tell. I'll tell you off air.

[Adam Carolla]

It's in Los angeles on the D.C. area. Okay.

[Laura Ingraham]

Yeah, it's on two acres and you know there's a horrific asbestos filled tear down on it now. But I'm just so hesitant about, you know, getting involved in a build, Adam, for I have no time to do anything and you know all this stuff so you won't get ripped off because you know how to actually do all this stuff. But for a single mom with three children, 9, 6 and 4 years old, I mean I'm just like primed to get ripped off. But I have a pretty good builder who's actually a fan and a friend so he probably won't rip me off.

[Adam Carolla]

Well Laura, can I tell you this? Even if you weren't a single mom and there's a strong male figure in your life, he wouldn't know shit either because no guys I know know anything about building anymore. Nobody drives a stick and nobody builds anymore. No guys at least. So it'd just be two of you who are getting ripped off and didn't know anything.

[Laura Ingraham]

Good point. Well yeah, you're right. Today's man. So anyway, I am, you know, the most important thing I do is I'm a mother and I've been in regular radio since 2001. In April when I started, I Basically got fired from MSNBC and CBS News. I used to be a lawyer and then went into the media. After practicing law for about three and a half years, I clerked for Justice Thomas on the Supreme Court.

[Adam Carolla]

Laura, can I ask you this quick question?

[Laura Ingraham]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there any job equivalent to lawyer where you put in so much time and so much education and you have to pass so many tests that you almost immediately abandon in your professional career? I don't think it works that way with a podiatrist or almost any other profession where you have that kind of hours logged. Everybody I know was a lawyer who's doing anything decent now.

[Laura Ingraham]

Yeah. And so I think a lot of people go to law school as a fail safe and I think I put myself in that category. It worked out great for me and I think it makes me a better interviewer of guests. It makes, you know, it's definitely helped me because I was a trial lawyer, a litigator, but I was in a really big firm, Skad and Arp. So I didn't, you know, I think we had two trials that I worked on, but I. Did I get a chance to do like the Clarence Darrow thing? No, of course I didn't because I was in a big firm. But I think there's this romantic vision that a lot of people have of the practice of law. And it can be great, especially if you're in a small firm and you can control your own destiny. But basically you're a gun for hire and you're working for a lot of other people who are making oftentimes a lot of money or who are in a lot of trouble. And you're, for the most part, unless you're a plaintiff lawyer, you're paid by the hour. And it's, you know, look, it's not digging ditches. That's a lot harder. But I think a lot of people get into it thinking it's going to be something it's not. And then they're like, oh, wait, am I going to do this for the rest of my life? No. And so then they go on to do something else. It was a blessing that I had a chance to go on to do stuff in the media and write books, etc.

[Adam Carolla]

Laura, you make a good point, which is, I'm sort of comparing it. This is a little apples to orange things because half the people I know who went after the law degree did it because their dad was a lawyer. It's the number one sort of nepotism. Hey, I'm a lawyer. You're Gonna be a lawyer, too. And they didn't want to be a lawyer. So to be. To crap on my own point a little, I'd say half the people in law school right now don't want to.

[Laura Ingraham]

Be there or doing, I'm gonna go start a business. I'm like, well, then why are you going to law school, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Or did it because their dad, my old assistant Jay, his dad's a lawyer. You know, he went to law school. He had to go to law school, but I don't think he was in it.

[Laura Ingraham]

My dad owned a car wash, a Lottie.

[Adam Carolla]

Dah.

[Laura Ingraham]

He was a car wash guy. So we. We were very middle class. And my mom was a waitress till she was, I don't know, 75. 75.

[Adam Carolla]

And I miss old waitresses.

[Laura Ingraham]

Oh, she was great.

[Adam Carolla]

You could find them in Los Angeles.

[Laura Ingraham]

Adam. She would come home, right? And she would. She would say, this sob was. My mother was just hilarious. She was, like, 5ft tall, Polish. She was just a total. She was, I mean, hilariously funny, but she would just ream people out who didn't give her tips. And she was a great waitress and really, you know, fun and funny and just a wonderful person. But when people wouldn't tip her, I mean, I would hear this every day. And so now I over tip, even. I even over tip when it's bad service, just because I think this could. This could be someone struggling. Like, we were struggling, and maybe they had a bad day. So I don't know. I just. I always think of the people who are, you know, doing the, you know, the tough jobs and try to give them a little bit more.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but how about this Hero? You just called yourself a hero, by the way. Laura.

[Laura Ingraham]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

There's definitely a time and a place for that. Like, I usually don't even equate the service with the tip. I mean, unless they dump a bowl of latte.

[Laura Ingraham]

Yeah, they're not nasty. I'm just talking. If they're average people, I still like to give them 30.

[Adam Carolla]

But there are times when, like, I was doing this thing where there was this nasty chick, and she was working at the Arc Light Theater, and they were doing this valet thing that they don't have anymore. And everybody in front of me handed her their ticket, and she was like, you're supposed to validate this. And the person would go, like, you didn't say anything? Yes, I told you to validate it. And every single person in front of me did that. And when it came to me, she went, why isn't this validated. And then I went, you didn't tell me to. And she went, yes. And I said, shut up. I just saw you say that to five people. None of them all smarter than you, by the way. Heard you say it, so knock it off. Drop your attitude right now. And she was like, huh? But. And everyone. My wife was like, why are you being a dick? And I'm like, she needs this. She needs it.

[Laura Ingraham]

Well, you know what? You know what I think? And you guys probably find this. Aren't you shocked when someone in the service industry has a good attitude now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And it is weird.

[Laura Ingraham]

And you shouldn't be. I mean, we all should. I mean, look, we all are terribly flawed. Except Adam. We're all terribly flawed people, right? But we. But somehow today, if someone parks your car or if they. I don't know, if they're, you know, blowing your leaves or whatever, and they're like, good morning. It's great to see. How are you? How are your kids? You're like, oh, my gosh, they're so nice. You're such a nice person. Thank you for being nice to me. Because the entire society, everyone's always crapping on everybody else. Everybody's always trashing. Everyone's jealous of everyone else. Everyone plays the envy game on Facebook and Snapchat and everything. Everyone's, like, trying to outdo everyone else. So when someone's just genuinely nice, we're shocked, and we think, okay, what kind of game are they playing?

[Brian Bishop]

It's just.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. It's just. It's kind of sad, I think. And I agree with you. And, you know, God knows we live in Los Angeles. So the second you get out of Los Angeles and you hit the road a little, and you're traveling through Green Bay, Wisconsin, and you go into a liquor store and you go, could I use the bathroom? And the chick behind the counter goes, sure, go ahead. And you're like, what?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You're like, well, she said, no, it sounded like, sure, go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Normally, I'm getting a sandal thrown at my head, but this is incredible that this person just said, sure, go ahead. Like, it's definitely Los Angeles, D.C. probably not great towns for that, but I must say that I think a lot of this comes from the top down. Meaning if you have a business, you tell your employees, this is how you treat. If you have a valet car service, you tell the boss man, I just got done. I didn't tell any of my listeners this, but I just was across the street from where I am. And I'm mixing this movie I'm working on, and everybody in that building, all the people I'm working with in that building, and all the different bays, their attitude. And I say, well, maybe we could switch it back. Sure, no problem. You're the boss. And they just do it. And then I go, you know what? I don't like it that way. I'm sorry, but put it back to the way it was before. Hey, it's no problem. It's my job.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Well, they're scared of you out all.

[Adam Carolla]

The way across the board, everybody in the place. And I start realizing what's going on around here. And I popped my head into the boss's office and I said, you, buddy, are doing a good job with these people because they're pretending like they're liking me.

[Laura Ingraham]

That's so cool that you did that. Because, number one, that'll encourage him to keep making good decisions. And I just think that validates good behavior. And I think a lot of us are so busy, we're running around, we kind of don't. We don't take the time to say, you know, good on you if you're doing something great. I mean, if you're doing something positive and great, say something or say, I really appreciate that. It sounds sappy and Little house.

[Adam Carolla]

No, again, I'm a hero. But we're both heroes now. But what I did want to. The first three times it was there crossed my mind, like, this guy is coaching up his employees, and they all are very positive and they have a great attitude. And the fourth time I was in there, I was walking by the guy's office, and he was just sitting in there, and I actually passed it and stopped. And I went, I'm sticking my head in here, and I'm going to take 18 seconds of my life to make this guy feel good about what he's doing.

[Laura Ingraham]

But look at, like, Chick Fil? A. Like, I don't know if you guys go to Chick Fil? A, but everybody at Chick Fil? A is clean. They're dressed. Well, they. They are. Hello. Hi. Hey, how you doing? How's it going? And, you know, it's an act.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Laura Ingraham]

Maybe it's an act.

[Adam Carolla]

Total act. But I hope it's an act.

[Laura Ingraham]

It feels okay to go in there, you know what I mean? It's, like, clean, you know, That's a cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel that way about In N Out Burger around here.

[Laura Ingraham]

I love In N Out.

[Adam Carolla]

Every time I go into In N Out. Wherever I go to In N out. It's exactly the same. It's just good attitude. I'm so hungry.

[Laura Ingraham]

I can't believe you just said in and out.

[Adam Carolla]

There we go. You guys know what I'm talking about.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I do. I noticed this especially in Trader Joe's, which I don't know if it's all over the country, but having worked. My high school job was working in a grocery store for two years, and it was a small one. And the owner, the manager, who was the owner, was like, if a customer needs something, you take them and you walk to it. You walk them to it. You don't say, it's on aisle seven. And that's what happens to Trader Joe's if you're like, hey, where's the blah, blah, blah? The quinoa flavored quinoa. And they're like, oh, I'll show you. I'll walk you over there. Let's go see if we have it.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a very good example because. Because every single Trader Joe's I've been into and I've been to all over the place, it's always the same attitude inside. Once you're inside, overly chatty, just super friendly, like, everybody's in a good mood. And then you go, well, it's not a coincidence. And it's not like they're just hiring people that are in a good mood. They got a policy. And that's why I get angry when I go through LAX and everyone is rude and all the security guards are bitchy and they're grunting at you and stuff like that. And.

[Laura Ingraham]

And they're looking. I mean, they're looking at you. They're looking at you like.

[Adam Carolla]

Like you're part of the problem.

[Laura Ingraham]

How dare you fly around the country. I have to stand here, you know, looking at shampoo bottles, and I.

[Adam Carolla]

Whenever I complain to whoever's standing next to me, they always go, well, what are you going to do?

[Laura Ingraham]

And I go, what can you do?

[Adam Carolla]

Have their manager.

[Laura Ingraham]

You can actually use your voice and speak.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I do. It's just.

[Laura Ingraham]

Can I tell you something that happened last night, guys? I was at this event in Washington that honored a bunch of incredible veterans, right? World War II Korean War veterans, et cetera, and some active duty people there as well. And so there was this World War II veteran there who was in the Armored Tank Division, the second Armored Tank Division, infantryman with the division, and his name was Paul Brevard. And I sat next to him. He could still stand up. He was 89 years old. And we were chatting and Stuff. And he. I said, so it was after this movie, this movie Fury, this Grand Pit movie. And I said, what do you think of the movie? And he said, I thought it was a pretty good movie. And I said, well, is it kind of realistic? Was it ridiculous? And he said, well, you know, them tankers I was on the ground. He goes, them tankers, they didn't stick their heads out of that tank very much, but Brad Pitt looked awful pretty when he put his head out of that tank. And I said, okay. But he said, no, Brad's a great guy. He was so nice to us. And then I said, well, what do you think about our country? Law is that or we're going to hell in a hand basket in this country? I mean, it was hilarious. And I said, why? He said, well, we got a lot of men who don't act like men. And I said, well, what do you mean by that? And he said, you know damn well what I mean about that. I said, what do you mean? It's like we don't have men who actually take responsibility, who are men who stand up, do their jobs and, you know, just get it done. And I sat there and talked to him for, I don't know, 25 minutes. It was the best 25 minutes I've spent in probably 10 years with anybody, any conversation. But it was just to see, you know, see what they went through at age 18, 19, 20.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Laura Ingraham]

I always think Belgium and North Africa in France and then ending it in Germany and how many people they had to kill and how many people they had to see killed. And then his seeing the country and what's happening now and what we complain about and what we bitch about, what we moan about and what they live through. It was a sobering. A really, really sobering moment. And so it was.

[Adam Carolla]

How was the movie, by the way?

[Laura Ingraham]

Fabulous. Really, really good. And I'm not. I'm kind of like, if we do one more World War II movie, I'm just going to, like, scream. But it was. It was. It was really well done. And Brad Pitt actually did a fantastic job. I think you guys will like it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a pretty good job.

[Laura Ingraham]

Listen, I'm all over advertising with me or anything. I don't. I'm just giving you my opinion about.

[Adam Carolla]

I love World War II movies. Yeah. Not enough men standing up to Chick Valets, I'm afraid, about Chick Fil A.

[Laura Ingraham]

What about Chick Valley or Rotten Salespeople? But, you know, the point, though, is that men aren't men. The men in the United States are, you know, sorry I'm not beating on you, but you got grease monkeys out there listening.

[Adam Carolla]

I've. I don't know what to do. I'm that. Look, my assistant, he's 30 years old. I can't drive a stick. Scary.

[Laura Ingraham]

You know what, Mike, can I ask you about something? And I've been dying to ask you about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Laura Ingraham]

I might have mentioned it to you briefly before, but I didn't get a clear answer. So in 2005, I decided to donate a car that I had that I loved to charity. And I could have just written a check to the charity, but for whatever reason, I decided to donate this car. It was a 9111985 Cabriolet and it was a beautiful blue, you know, that Porsche, blue color I think were the actual car.

[Adam Carolla]

911 has gone up a lot in the last few years.

[Laura Ingraham]

Can I just say something?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Laura Ingraham]

I was so frustrated because the damn car. I didn't have a real garage. I was living in this townhouse in dc. I didn't have a right garage. So it stayed in like a carport and some squirrel was living in the engine or something. It was like a nightmare. Every time I turned around it was another thousand dollars. And I got so mad one day when I couldn't. They said, you can't fix the air conditioning. It's impossible. That I was like, I can't deal with this anymore. And I gave it away. I've got to find another 911. 1985. Ever since I've given that away, I've been like, what did I do? Why did I give that car away?

[Adam Carolla]

Laura, I suggest you, I'd like to interest you in a 370Z Nissan if I might, because the 911, the 11S have gone insane. The price of those cars have gone bonkers over the last three years. I don't know. I really don't know. Everyone's always loved them, but I mean, they have quadrupled in value. And I don't know about the Cabriolet and the 85s, but anything with a 911 attached to it and Porsche attached to it has gone insane over the last three years. So you're probably going to be angry that you gave it away and maybe you can go back to the orphanage and go, hey man, I was pretty drunk back in 05 when I dropped this bad boy off. I like it back. Laura Ingraham. The show, by the way, is a Laura Ingraham show and it's available now on podcast one. You can also go to her website, laurain.com. thank you very much, my dear Adam, you're the best.

[Laura Ingraham]

You guys are awesome. We love your podcast. Thanks so much.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Yeah, it's kind of an interesting line, which is that sort of correct someone's behavior versus walk away from their. Whatever there is. But you're so right. Imagine if lax security was managed by the folks at Trader Joe's.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

They're all wearing Hawaiian shirts.

[Adam Carolla]

Howdy.

[Allison Rosen]

Asking you where you're going.

[Adam Carolla]

Ringing a bell for assistance with a nautical theme. No, but just imagine if the guy at.

[Allison Rosen]

Terrible puns.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy at the house, you know, the guys with the ADR house that I'm working on over here. Or this one. Imagine if that guy just walked around and he said, listen, the people that are walking through this line, you know, your first job is security for them. But these are also our customers. And thus they're your customers. And look at them as your employees. Employers, I should say. And they're the reason you have a job here. So go ahead and give them the. Take the shoes and the belts off, but let's be courteous to these people. Crack a smile. Realize that a lot of these people are stressed out. Maybe weary. May have had to get up at 4:35 in the morning or maybe coming through on a connecting flight or whatever it is. Have a little. Have a little. Be a little gracious, would you please? Instead of just giving them the stink eye and sort of grunting at them and doing the like I told you, you know, it's like the only place.

[Allison Rosen]

Are they trying to be intimid.

[Adam Carolla]

It's my. I have this theory that I put forth a few times, which is when people just sort of get out of the way, like when you basically just go, you can't be fired. There's no competition. There's no other group of security guards that are nipping at your heels gonna take your job. They're gonna get the account next month if you guys don't. When you remove. It's that sort of thing of like you remove competition or you remove natural predators. Like when you remove natural predators, you see that all the stuff. Look at everything by the banks of the river. Everything by the banks of the river. All the gazelles and all the other creatures that inhabit the Serengeti or wherever they are, they sneak up on the side, they take a little water and then they back up again. And then what do crocodiles do? They sun themselves. Like, they literally just lay there and everything else comes and goes I'm grab a little water. I'm gonna hustle back up on the hill. But the Alphas, the top of the food chain, they literally just lay there. Well, that's kind of what people do when they're at the top. Meaning there's no predators, there's nobody in the wild. There's nobody gunning for their job from the lax security. Yes. No. Everybody, whether you look, whether you know it or not, you need that. You know, Larry Bird needed Magic Johnson sort of pushing on him a little bit. And if he was just a foot taller than everybody, I don't think he would have worked nearly as hard. You see it in sports all the time. That's sort of the purity of it. But you need a little natural competition mixed with the, hey there, you're in the wild. You better be constantly moving and looking over your shoulder.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like your performance matters, right.

[Adam Carolla]

When you remove that, then you just sort of tell people, just do the right thing. That summed it up right, Trader Joe's. If there was somebody who worked at Trader Joe's who started throwing attitude around toward the customers, how long would that person last?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

They wouldn't be in a play very long.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now, at lax, you'd just be the norm.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Might be employee of the month.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably could be reprimanded for smiling at somebody. So there it is. And I'm sure many people in many jobs don't feel like saying thank you and come again and smiling and things like that. But when you know your job depends on it, well, then you do. Now, in a bizarre twist of irony, the people at Trader Joe's are happier than the people that are left alone to do what they want. That's what we don't get. That's the part that's the weird twist in this life, the part where you go, well, but for sure, the people that work at the airport are happier than the people at Trader Joe's, because people are. Trader Joe's are forced to paint on a smile, whereas the other ones, they can just, hey, if they're having a bad day, you're gonna know about it. And they can get it all out. Ironically.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it is weird how that works.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird how. But it's right up there with. I've always said if you have 10 family members and one of them's a loser, and you've lent a bunch of money and done a bunch of things and done a lot of favors and made a lot of phone calls and tried to get a bunch of jobs for that probably didn't work out for that one family member. Out of the 10 family members, which one's gonna hate you the most? The one you've done the most for. For. It's so inverse of what you would think, but it's how life works, and I wish people would understand that.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

So don't do anything for anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't do anything for anyone. And get a fucking job at Trader Joe's and shut your fucking mouth. All right, where are we?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

How's the motivational show coming along?

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Just talking about this. Hey, John. Yes, sir? What's. What's going on? Well, first of all, if you need an assistant that can drive a stick and do a little building, I would be happy to replace m effort. Boom. Well, we'd like to replace Matt, but we can't get him off the sofa, so he's kind of here. All right, well, I understand, I guess. By the way, his pee bucket's full, Gary, so it's not gonna empty itself. I got it, boss. And he's. He's running low on the. I think they're cheese balls or what he eats.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Matt has set up the cheesy pops. Matt has set up a small fan next to it. Next to. Next to his spot. It's the size of his head. It's on the ground, and it points at him on the end of the couch.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. He sits back there. No, Matt's. Matt's the best. How dare you? He's the greatest. Boom. My apologies. All right, sorry. What's your question, John from Seattle? Well, I know that you're a huge Datsun guy. Huge car guy in general. Sure.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

And I was just curious what your.

[Adam Carolla]

Opinion was on some of the more rally inspired turbocharged inline four engines and.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

The STIs, the Evos, as opposed to.

[Adam Carolla]

What you get to drive at the track.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Whenever you go out there, you want.

[Adam Carolla]

To know the difference between the straight sixes and the V configuration with the turbocharger. No, the sixes that are in yours, as opposed to, like, the inline.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

The inline four turbos.

[Laura Ingraham]

What are you talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. You know, I don't know. I'll drive anything. It doesn't matter. The Paul Newman car's got a 3 liter V6 in it. It's got one big turbo, and it just kicks in. And when it kicks in, it just kicks in really hard, and it. And it breaks the tires loose. And it's a little bit squirrely to drive, but it's a little bit challenging. But it's fun. And you just kind of get used to whatever you're driving. But look, it's all good. I think when you appreciate cars, you should just appreciate them like guys appreciate women. Just like them all. I don't get the guys.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

A little bit goes a long way.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what I'm saying is I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Just like Asian cars.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is that's a fetish. Their guys are just, they're just into mopar. They're just into Dodge or they're just into GM or Chevy. They're just Corvettes. Like they just, they're into just. It's weird.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

That's their thing.

[Adam Carolla]

They got their thing. It's like I'm into cars. What are you into? El Camino's 71 through 74, big block only. And it's like, why? I mean, you're into music or you're into movies, but imagine if you just were into one movie or three movies or only Scorsese movies. Now Scorsese makes great movies, but there's so many other movies. Yeah, what about Tarantino? No, I'm into Scorsese.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

No, I like girls with big boobs and girls with huge boobs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, you got range. All right, let's see. Police officers.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Line 4 I've never heard talk about. So I'm curious what he's on about.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see, let's see. Line four. What is line four? Yes, Andrew, 29, Florida.

[Laura Ingraham]

I've been a huge fan for 14 years. I bought all your books. I've done everything you've told me to.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Do since I was 15 years old.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Laura Ingraham]

A couple of years ago you were, I believe it was on Asama house. You were talking a lot about your father in law trying to get you to install a secret room into his house.

[Adam Carolla]

Into your house.

[Laura Ingraham]

I was wondering if now that you.

[Adam Carolla]

Lean a little more toward the conservative.

[Laura Ingraham]

You would reconsider his room.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean like a safe room?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Panic room.

[Adam Carolla]

Panic room, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Bombshell.

[Laura Ingraham]

Something to that effect. Something to that effect.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, my first notion that I always fantasized about was a napping room. Like just icy cold, air conditioned, sound deadening. No, I mean imagine an isolation tank. You will think about that thing where we talked about it the other day. Huntington beach at 8 in the morning doing catch a contractor back to the valley, take a quick nap and then go do Kimmel that night. And I needed a fucking nap. Like in order to get my 10 minute segment of comedy together in my head, I needed a nap and naps are catch as catch can because you may be down for a nap at 2 in the afternoon, but the gardener next door with the leaf blower may not, may have other plans. Or maybe they're adding a deck on next door. Or maybe there's something going on in your house. Wouldn't you love that room that was just built like a sound studio.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Just, just like recording booth.

[Adam Carolla]

When you first off, when you shut the door, you couldn't see your fucking hand in front of your face.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Footnote. Would you want to lay like a very small. Like the airlines. The airlines, airplanes have, you know the light strip. Yeah, the light strip down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Something and a red light outside letting people know you're napping.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just fucking deadbolt, lock it. Nobody could get in, nobody could wake you up. Just sound deadened, chilly air conditioning blowing and just down white noise, white noise.

[Allison Rosen]

Someone to snuggle you.

[Adam Carolla]

Just literally a room dedicated for taking a fucking nap.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean you'd beat off in there so fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you know I would probably, I would probably do that thing that Quincy Jones did at the top. It said leave your jizz at the door, you know what I mean? And I'd have to slap it with my hand, you know, my business hand. You're playing for Notre Dame, not the remote hand. Yeah, like playing for Notre Dame. That'd be my solemn oath. You know what I mean?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Not black champions tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. I have in my old house, I did build one such room. But it wasn't a room, it was a walk in closet. But what I did, and there's little things you can do that aren't really that much. You don't need to go full Jodie Foster, you know, and build that full on cement wall. Whatever. Yeah, I had, this is at my old house I moved out of. I had a room that was a closet. It was a walk in closet, but it was a smallish walk in closet. It really could have just been a closet but it had just a door on it and it was, I don't know, five foot wide and seven foot long. I took that door and I put a piece of three quarter plywood on it and I really just, I really just made it not literally bulletproof, but pretty darn hard to kick in. So I grafted on a 3 quarter inch piece of plywood to the door, then I put a deadbolt in it. Then I took the jamb side and reinforced it with some steel so that you couldn't just kick it open. And knock the whatever. Then I put a cell phone in there and I said to my wife, look, I'm on the road all the time and if you're upstairs and you hear some glass breaking in the kitchen, go into this closet, lock the door, use this phone, call 91 1. It became a little tricky when the kids entered the mix. But I had to say, you're not going to do those kids any favors if you run out and go try to wake them up and gather them up while some guy's running up the stairs. Go in the room, lock the door. Go in the room, lock door, turn the light on and call 911. And it's look, if there are a group of Colombian drug lords coming after you with AK47s, it's not going to do anything. But if it's just your basic whoever, white guy prowler. I've seen the commercials, the ADT commercials. Good looking white guy who hadn't shaven for a couple days.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He probably shaved within the last 24 hours. But he's got a five o' clock shadow.

[Adam Carolla]

I just saw Marlon Waynes walk by the window.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He's up to no good.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope you're satisfied. The point is this.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's Adam's joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but I would have the couth to sit on it while one of the Waynes is here. The point is it's not going to be a, you know, it's not going to stop a terrorist attack. It's going to buy you 20 minutes in the event that the junkie broke into your house. And what I would say two things. I also put a weapon in there as well. I would say this. Everybody has a closet in their master bedroom. Most of them have a door. There is not much to taking the hinges and making them NRP hinges, non removable pins. Meaning they can't just pop the pins out. You know, reinforcing the hinges, putting a piece of three quarter ply on the door, putting a deadbolt on there, putting a thing, put your crossbow in there or put your pool cue or your baseball bat or your machete or your lead pipe and put a phone in there and just be able to make sure you can walk in, shut it, lock it, turn the light on, sit there and talk to 911 all you want. That by the way, as far as retrofit for your house goes, that is a $200 retrofit that is easily done by literally a handyman could do that.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Stupid open concept. And we have a door to our.

[Adam Carolla]

Closet, sliding Mirror doors.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

No, no. Walk in closet. It's the L shaped walk in closet.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You probably don't remember, but it.

[Allison Rosen]

How do you throw all your crap in there and shut the door then?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, what happens when you throw. Oh, that's right. We don't get invited.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah, no, no. Our invitation is in the book.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's a fold My laundry party.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, guys. Party favorites. So if you have a house, it does you. And it's in. And I'll give you a number two. Put a deadbolt on your door in your bedroom. Buy yourself an extra few minutes. That way, when you go to bed at night, deadbolt that door.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

And then just walk in the closet and do it and see. And you can reinforce it. Easily done. All right, so let me. Let's see who's here. Marlon Waynes is here. So let me just power through a couple real quick. And we'll bring Marlon and overly aggressive people. Huh? Let's see. Mike, 38, New Orleans. That's me. What's going on, Mike?

[Laura Ingraham]

How you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Allison, Bald.

[Laura Ingraham]

How you doing?

[Allison Rosen]

I really have to pee, but good.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Question for you, Adam.

[Laura Ingraham]

I'm not a big fan of Cops. I know you're not either.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

I like show Cops, but I think.

[Adam Carolla]

About every week I see one of.

[Laura Ingraham]

These things on the Internet where someone's.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Getting pulled over by the cops and.

[Laura Ingraham]

They'Re being, you know, not listening to the.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

What the cops are saying or antagonizing them or anything like that.

[Adam Carolla]

That was. So what's your take on that?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

And where is it going to end?

[Adam Carolla]

Said antagonizing. Like Pete the Puma from the Bugs Bunny cartoons.

[Laura Ingraham]

Sorry, I got a slur.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. I'll find Pete the Puma's voice for you guys.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

I can do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you do it?

[Brian Bishop]

You better give me a lot of lump.

[Adam Carolla]

There used to be a lot of lump humor. I'm going to take coffee. Well, one lump or two? A whole lot of lumps. Conk, conk, conk on the head. And then you got the lumps and.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

The lumps growing from the lumps.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah. Pete the Puma is going to need a whole lot of lumps. Okay? I don't know where we're going to end up as a society because we have a whole new batch of, you know, we grew up with yes, sir, no, sir, and all that. Every fucking kid my kid's age is gonna grow up with the. You're not the boss of me. And now there's this weird thing because the cops who would normally be beating the shit out of the person who says, you're not the boss of me, have a dash cam that's on and a personal cam that's on. So that's gonna present them. Everybody has been completely emboldened by their cell phones in the filming of everything. And I don't know where it's going to end, but I don't think cop would be one of the. Would definitely not be a line of work I would encourage my son or daughter to get into. It seems like everybody's an asshole and then what they do is they're an asshole and they film it while they're being an asshole. And I don't know what you can do anymore. There is some sort of balance between them being dicks and you not being a dick. I can tell you this, the best way to deal with cops is sort of like the best way to deal with a beehive, which is don't fucking throw a rock at it and stand underneath it. Like just whether you're filming it or not, just yes, sir, no sir. And you can probably the fastest way to get through this engagement, like when they pull you over, there's a little engagement. The most expedient way to get through that engagement is to cooperate and be as respectful as humanly possible. That's your highest percentage for not getting a ticket. It's your highest percentage for getting the fuck out of there. Starting with the antagonizing leads. Nowhere. I have not seen a lot of situations where I've been involved with. I've had plenty of drunken friends and asshole friends get pulled over and dealt with. Cops on the street, hanging around with Ray and Chris and guys like that. But even all the ones that I've seen filmed, no matter what a douchebag the cop was, 86% of them could have been avoided with, sorry, sir, yes sir, no sir, here's my license. Because they're trying to get to the point where they're violating you with their nightstick, but they won't if you just go yes OR no, sir, 89% of the time. So do yourself a favor, don't give them the roadmap. Just fucking whatever kind of person you are, no matter how much in the right you are for that little six minute exchange where you're never gonna see this person again. Just pretend they're a guy with a gun. Don't think of them as law enforcement. Think of them as a dude who didn't do that well in high school and now he's got a gun.

[Laura Ingraham]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Unpredictable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So just picture a guy. You know how they say if you're giving a speech and you're a little bit nervous, picture everyone in the audience in their underpants. Picture this when he comes walking up to your car as a guy in his underpants with a gun sticking out of his underpants. Just tucked into his underpants is a gun.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Now, funny but terrifying.

[Adam Carolla]

How would you treat that human being? Hey, buddy, what are you talking about? Or would you just be okay, man, whatever you need, that's how you should do it. All right. Look through that mirror. As a matter of fact, that's what we should do. We should take the rear view mirrors on cars and just stick a picture of a guy in his underpants with a gun sticking out of it. And when he comes walking up that driver's side, that's what you should see. All right, we'll take ourselves a quick break. You guys should know. Thank you, Portland, sold out first show. Thank you, Seattle, sold out first show. Second shows remain. Anaheim and Agoura Hills and San Jose and Sacramento. A bunch of shows, live podcasts, some stand up spread out out there. Mangria, of course, corolladrinks.com and get that three pack. Got the special on shipping and red, white, three pack all ready to go. Marlon Wayne's out there. We'll take a quick break right back with him after this.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Welcome back to the Adam Carolla show. Here's what not to watch on TV tonight at 9 on We don't watch. Braxton family values. Tawanda, Tracy and Trina's plan to surprise Tamar on stage during her big show in Atlanta completely backfires. At 10 on Hallmark. Be sure to miss the golden girl. The man in Dorothy's life turns out to be a man of the cloth. And at 11 on reels, definitely don't watch Jean Claude Van Damme behind closed doors. A surprise visit to the Ukraine for a charity fashion show leaves the star peeved at the media crush. That's what not to watch. Now back to the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Marlon Waynes in studio's got some stand up gigs coming up. Coming up, Providence, Rhode island comedy connection, the Wilbur Theater. Just who the hell was just going to the Wilbur Theater? Just through here. I played the Wilbur theater.

[Marlon Wayans]

I love the Wilbur Theater. October, October 24th in Boston.

[Adam Carolla]

That is in Boston. And it is just. Oh, David Alan Greer was just at the Wilbur Theater.

[Marlon Wayans]

I love that crazy dude, David. He has so much energy.

[Adam Carolla]

He's such an, you know, it's funny. Someone was giving me an interview today. I was interviewed, being interviewed, and they said, who's the funniest person you know? And I said, don't think of it that way. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I said, david Alan Grier, probably the funniest person I know. But Tim Allen has made a million kajillion more dollars than David Allen Greer. And everyone does that.

[Marlon Wayans]

So who is funniest guy? He may be the funniest guy you know, but everybody else apparently things.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not.

[Marlon Wayans]

David is absolutely hilarious. I've never seen. I did a gig with David and David's funny because he'll. He'll take like. He'll be like, dude, I don't have no jokes. And he'll take one topic. And I swear, for like 45 minutes, this motherfucker improvises some of the funniest shit you ever seen.

[Adam Carolla]

He's just brilliant. But is somebody who comes from a comedy family who, I always say everyone gets obsessed about who's the funniest? And I'm like, I always say it's not how much horsepower your engine is putting out, it's how much are you getting to the rear wheels? Cause this.

[Marlon Wayans]

You just fucked me up with that analogy. That's the NASCAR shit there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this person said to me, who's the funniest people you know or the funniest person you know? And I said, you wouldn't know any of their names. They're living in a basement in Brattleboro, Vermont, and their in laws house, people.

[Marlon Wayans]

Look at our family and go, who's the funniest one in your family? It's the niggas you ain't met yet. Those are the funniest ones.

[Adam Carolla]

My mother was what I said to the lady from the Orange County Register. She was a letter from the Orange County Register. That's what I said.

[Marlon Wayans]

My uncle, he died, man. But he was hilarious before heroin got his ass, man.

[Adam Carolla]

But he didn't make any money, right?

[Marlon Wayans]

He didn't make nothing. In fact, he died broke with a broken leg. Gangrene caught him so messed up.

[Adam Carolla]

But how. But see, what I'm saying is not everyone in your family.

[Marlon Wayans]

So it was just like, oh, this is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

But can you kind of explain to people, I feel like everyone just wants to know who's the funniest. And it's not that. It's who's the smartest, who's the hardest working, who's the most focused, who doesn't get gangrene. That Kind of stuff.

[Marlon Wayans]

It depends on what you like. Like, you know, we have stars and then we have the reality stars. Like, some of my people in my family, like, you know, the ones you haven't met are probably some of the funniest. My sister Elvira, it's absolutely hilarious. I swear. I think she has Tourette's, because if she sees it, she says it, she has no filter at all. And for me, my mom's absolutely hilarious. I think when it comes to me, Sean, Damon and Kenan and Kim, it depends on what your taste is. Like, if you like a guy that likes to throw his balls in his face, that's probably me.

[Adam Carolla]

But would you say Keenan is the smartest with the business side of it, for instance?

[Marlon Wayans]

I think Kenan knows a lot. He taught us a lot. So Keenan's like, if this was like the Godfather, he's the godfather.

[Adam Carolla]

How much older is Keenan than you?

[Marlon Wayans]

Keenan's 15 years older, but he looks like 15 years younger. He's on this vegetable I'm trying this week. I chat four times. When I came here, I was just like, it's crazy. I got up. Like, I wiped and everything. I got up and I was about to come and I said, hey, my assholes, you're not done yet. Remember yesterday stuff? Yeah, that's here already. Remember this morning? Yeah, you just had that. That's here already. So. I'm sorry I'm late.

[Adam Carolla]

Keenan's on a full veggie cleansy thing.

[Marlon Wayans]

No, Keenan's actually on some Paleo shit. He's like Black lalanne, this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like diesel.

[Marlon Wayans]

He's like. The older he gets, like, the more diesel. He doesn't have those. Like, he doesn't have. He's like those Harvey Keitel. Absolutely. Like, you know that under Buff for no reason. So, you know Damon. Damon's really funny, too. I think we want a tour. Meet Damon, Keenan and Sean this summer. And it was hard for people to say who was the funniest because. Because we all just. We got four stand ovations, everybody at the end, and then five if you include when we all went out. But, you know, we all were funny.

[Brian Bishop]

It's different.

[Marlon Wayans]

Depends on your taste.

[Adam Carolla]

But how important was it for you to have him out there doing this as you were coming up.

[Marlon Wayans]

Oh, thank God. If Keenan put it this way, the oldest brother is very important. Keenan being, well, the second oldest. My oldest brother, we didn't follow him. We followed because we'd all be dead. Here's the thing, Keenan. I thank God that Kenan went into stand up and to show biz. Because if he would have been a drug dealer, we'd had a whole family full of drug dealers.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you were gonna follow him no matter what direction we was following.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Drug dealers, but nevertheless, drug dealers. Where. Where. Where did the first brother go?

[Marlon Wayans]

That's actually. The funny would help us in jail. That'd be a slight distraction. They would, like. They'd be like, you know what? I'm not gonna rape you today. You made me laugh real hard. First brother, he went all the way. Dwayne was like, you know, just crazy, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Dwayne, Is he with us?

[Marlon Wayans]

No, he's dead.

[Adam Carolla]

He just went into drugs.

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah, drugs got him. He did it. And, you know, I was just like. You know, thankfully, like, for us, I always looked and said, you know, there's nothing about crack that makes me want to do it. Yeah, they have a lot of energy.

[Brian Bishop]

But I go.

[Marlon Wayans]

They get ashy. They're always missing, like, a front tooth. Like, why. Why don't you miss a back tooth? Why one pertinent front teeth. I don't want that look. I don't want to look ashy. Like ET when he was sick in the ocean. I mean, the river fucks me up.

[Adam Carolla]

So, Izzy, you. So now, you were probably too young or, I don't know how old you were when he passed away, but.

[Marlon Wayans]

No, my brother was. I was. I was year 2000. So.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's. There's nothing. And you guys were all established at that point.

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so there's, like, when a guy wants to go that direction, there's just nothing you can do about it.

[Marlon Wayans]

No, you just give them, you know, at a point. You mean you try not giving them money? You do your thing. You try to, you know, try the intervention thing. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't. But, you know, when people on drugs, you know, it's like, that's the route they want to go, you know? If you're happy, I'm happy for you, you know? I wish I had money now. Like, when he died, I was just starting to get money. If he was alive right now, I'd probably made him a great crack lab or something, so he didn't have to be in that weird crack house. I'd give him his own nice house, and he could invite his little crack friends over. He'd have the best crack. We make sure it's pure. That's what you're gonna do. Let's make sure you're happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think there's A lot. I feel like there's a lot of stories.

[Marlon Wayans]

There's a difference between crack and coffee. Let's think about it. It's just not a crack. Starbucks in every corner.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they both start in Colombia and they work their way here.

[Marlon Wayans]

Exactly. They both give you a lot of energy. Starbucks doesn't make you.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a part, though? I mean, at a certain point, you just have to. I've had this with friends where you just have to almost write them off. You just go, I can no longer try to help you. There's nothing I can do.

[Marlon Wayans]

But with family, it's just like, at the end of the day, you're my brother, so you know I love you and you know you do the best you can.

[Adam Carolla]

Ten. Ten brothers and sisters. Including you?

[Marlon Wayans]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

How many are with us? They're all here.

[Marlon Wayans]

Except for the crackhead.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for the crackhead. All right, that makes sense.

[Marlon Wayans]

You know, here's the thing. He was. And Dwayne was a great big brother. Like, you know, until he, like, smoked some bad shit and it kind of made him a little twisted. And then he started thinking the TV was talking to him. And that was a lot of fun to watch.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Marlon Wayans]

As a young person, it made me laugh so hard. Like, he was. He was TV to me.

[Adam Carolla]

What percent so out of the nine living Waynes, where. How many in show business?

[Marlon Wayans]

There's six in show business.

[Adam Carolla]

And what are the other three up to?

[Marlon Wayans]

They live off the six others in.

[Adam Carolla]

Show business, like the Oscar.

[Marlon Wayans]

They're in show off business. They show off all the nice shit we buy. But actually, no, my sisters, they may be in show business too, because like I said, they're not stars like me, Sean, Damon, Keenan, Kim. They're reality stars. Like, so I'm actually working on a reality show for my three sisters. So they're like the Kardashians, but if they were real ghetto, like real big asses, still weirdly shaped. But theirs is real.

[Brian Bishop]

What is.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there. I don't know a lot about asses. I do. All right. I hear about ass implants a lot.

[Marlon Wayans]

It's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it true?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. A lot of girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it exist?

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah, a lot of girls do. I think it's weird not to say, you know, you don't want to take it for a spin just to see what it does. But, you know, over time, you know, it's. It's just, you know, it's gonna. It's gonna look nasty at a point. You're not gonna be able to shape that.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask this I don't mean to be racially insensitive. Why the black man attract like the tractor beam with the ass.

[Marlon Wayans]

We like ass. White guys don't like ass. You guys like asses that look like knuckles. You guys like tits? You guys like. Oh, fuck, I fucking titch, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

I don't care about tits. Tits don't have a hole between them.

[Brian Bishop]

If they did.

[Marlon Wayans]

Like if she had a tracheotomy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to take one fucking off.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Okay, okay. You hear that? Former smokers.

[Marlon Wayans]

Give me that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, here's my theory. Yeah. My feeling is when I see some of that hip hop ass, I think I don't have enough cock to deal with that.

[Marlon Wayans]

That's your problem. Because, you know, I'm not even going to be able to get in. I'm going to have to lean all the way underneath.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to need a mechanic's creeper and a good downhill.

[Marlon Wayans]

And you got to hold it open and that's going to hurt your forearms and shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, us.

[Marlon Wayans]

I need that extra stroke because, you know, I like to play, you know, hide and seek. You put it in and you see, I could do a long stroke, right.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is this. That's right. Here's the guys who like ass is my theory. My theory is big dick guys. Like, if you can grab the base of your dick and sort of use it like you're holding a weapon, you know what I mean? There's still enough dick to use to hurt someone. That's right. Yeah. Then you like ass. But if you put your hand over your dick and there's really nothing hanging out past your knuckles or worse deficit, it can't breathe. Right. Then you don't like ass.

[Marlon Wayans]

And then some of those guys don't like head either.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Marlon Wayans]

Because unless the girl has small hands. Because like, you know, the girls like guys when they. Because they. Girls give head just to test to see whether or not I want to. I want to fuck this guy. So they do. Yeah. Because it's just like, okay, if you got two hands. If you could put two hands like this. Oh, she's definitely fucking you if she can't close the hand. And it's gonna be birth and labor and pains. She's not fucking you either. But you know, if. If it a little turtle creeps out of the two hands. Yeah. She might introduce your parents.

[Adam Carolla]

Two hands.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I mean. Oh, two hands.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me give it a little love.

[Marlon Wayans]

I like big asses and it's weird, but they're Fun. Like you can make shapes with them. You could smack them. They make noises and, you know, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Like them with the stretch of shapes.

[Marlon Wayans]

Well, you could make like little. It's like, you know those little balloons that you. Balloon animals.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, it's kind of like that. But they don't.

[Marlon Wayans]

You can't twist them. They just welp to one side and they grip like. And you could. I like when there's so much ass that it comes to the front. So you could grip them from the front and you know, it works.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a stereotype? Like, there's all the black stereotypes, but this one does seem to be pretty universal.

[Marlon Wayans]

That guy, black guys, like, yes. Yeah, definitely. Look, me and my boys, it's funny because I got a lot of white friends. My Jewish friends in New York, like my friend Mark Birnbaum and Eugene, I go to their clubs. They own Catch and Catch in the general and a couple of great, great clubs in New York. All the models there, I'm like, that's not my flavor. Like, there's a bunch. All the models, I'm like, she looks like she's a flamingo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All the super wavy chicks. Knees bend the wrong way. Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

Give me like a gymnast. Give me a little short, thick chick that does this when she dismounts the dick. I like them thick. I like them. I like. I like to know they could take it. I don't want. No, I don't want to put my dick in you and see it now.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm having a thought here. Yes, it sounds sort of hit Wellian or if that Hitler. But here's what I'm saying. We're going to be. White man's going to be in trouble, okay? We're not going to be able to play in the NFL anymore.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Because we can't have any possession receivers. Well, I'll tell you what the problem is. We get the Tom Brady's with the Giselle Bundchons of the world, the Wafy, the Spindly. You know what I mean? We need somebody with a thicker bottom half. You know what I mean? Like, bigger thighs, stronger lower end.

[Marlon Wayans]

You guys are doing fine. It's gonna be all white soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah. Cause black guys, we're gonna. We're gonna felony our way out of sports, period. You know, between beating your kid's ass and, you know, scrapping with your girl, you know, think about how many black guys arrested right now out the league. You know, it's kinda, you know, it's gonna be an all white look.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's gonna be all Toby Gerhardt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

It's gonna be so unexciting it' with a wheelie shaped ball.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Derhart Edelden. This year's Super Bowl.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Podcast Host/Producer]

Here's my tip for the week. Follow the injury reports closely because guy goes AJ Green goes out with a toe injury. Mohamed Sanu becomes a very good target for you. And if Victor Cruz goes out with an injury, Odell Beckham becomes a pretty good pickup for a low price. So watch those injury reports. Pick up the backups and fill your team with a few backups.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Sponsor/Announcer]

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[Marlon Wayans]

I'm just.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my thing. Yeah, let's.

[Marlon Wayans]

Cameras and shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do white guys in a booth. A little. A little news and. And Marlon, you hang out and crack wise with us with Allison Rosen. Everybody, the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it. Cut. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

The mother of a September 17year old boy who brought a gun to school has been charged.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you hear about this?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Tweeted it to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody tweeted me a story that I loved out of Japan, which is somebody's kid killed somebody else's kid. And I think the dad killed himself. I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam's super into shame.

[Adam Carolla]

I like shame. I like it like when your kid, you know, goes nuts on somebody else or starts beating on somebody or does whatever. I want the parents punished just like I want them punished.

[Marlon Wayans]

He did this stupid. I told him not to do it. I'm not going to jail.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You didn't notice him listening to the cure and wearing A trench coat and burning, putting M80s on frogs and like that.

[Marlon Wayans]

But I didn't think he would go shoot people.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you know, I'm. You're. You're our last line of smoking weed or some. Well, it's like when your dog gets out and bites somebody, it's on you.

[Marlon Wayans]

Kill the dog. Don't put me under the dog. I taught the dog not to bite.

[Adam Carolla]

The dog is. You did a horrible job. The dog is gonna get put down, but you should get fined. That's what I'm saying. Anyway, I like the Japanese because they kill themselves.

[Marlon Wayans]

Okay, I take that. I respect it.

[Adam Carolla]

So what happened?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, so. And the teenage boy was charged in a separate case. Leah, Devon Wilkinson is the kid who was involved in this. They're not releasing his name because he's a minor. He brought a fully loaded.45 caliber semiautomatic to Will Rogers High School, which is in Van Nuys. And he also carried an additional fully loaded seven round magazine to the school, which was confiscated by police.

[Adam Carolla]

Will Rogers is in Van Nuys? Yes, high school.

[Marlon Wayans]

A brother named Wilkinson goes to Will Rogers High School.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I suppose.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure the number of people who go to Will Rogers in Van Nuys, the percentage of those kids who know who Will Rogers is is right up there with the percentage of clippers who know what a clipper is.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's probably about accurate.

[Adam Carolla]

Van Nuys is a tough place. Mostly Hispanic place, I would say. At least I grew up in the Valley. That's what it reminds me of. But you know what it could be. We had Amelia Earhart, what we do in LA Unified. And I don't know if they do this around the country.

[Marlon Wayans]

Amelia Earhart High School.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's not that it's a carbuncle that's on the ass of North Hollywood High. It's basically, we went, My sister went there. Here's how it works. We went, look, there's a whole bunch of loser kids who can't cut it.

[Allison Rosen]

In high school because our continuation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they like staying home and they like smoking and they like chilling and they don't. They're not much about homework or authority or something like that. And then somebody went, well, we can't have them drop out of school. And they went, well, what if we just put up some benches with some ashtrays in a bungalow over at the end of the school and then we'll call it a separate school. And then they can go over there and chill out and smoke. And then they went to the kids and went like, you don't mind going over here and smoking, do you? And that way you won't have to drop out. You can just go here and not be educated. You can be warehoused outdoors.

[Marlon Wayans]

It sounds like the whole. Where the whole cast of Stand and Deliver.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

It's those kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're talking about them yesterday.

[Marlon Wayans]

I think Michelle Pfeiffer comes and teaches them and, you know.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Dangerous mindset.

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah, Dangerous minds.

[Adam Carolla]

Dangerous minds can deliver.

[Marlon Wayans]

Dangerous minds.

[Allison Rosen]

I was always envious of those kids.

[Adam Carolla]

So now, why? Because they're in a movie. But if you had to live their.

[Allison Rosen]

Life, the ones who went to the continuation high schools, I don't know, they seemed. They were cooler, had more fun, smoked, and spent less time in school.

[Marlon Wayans]

I agree. Breakfast Club made me want to like.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

I wanted to be in the Breakfast Club so bad. But, you know, they're white kids, black kids. We just get suspended.

[Adam Carolla]

It.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

That's true. Very white school.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. Now, Gary, you gotta find out if this school is one of those, like Amelia Earhart is to North Hollywood High, or they just built a new high school. No, I was saying yesterday when I was doing my Carcast podcast, that when I used to ride a motorcycle, I got pulled over. The guy cop towed my bike and I had to walk home to my apartment and I got picked up by the big guy on stand and delivered. The big Mexican student guy picked me up in his Pinto. I was hitchhiking home and I never found out whatever happened to that dude. But anyway, good. Punish the parents. I'm fine with that.

[Marlon Wayans]

Me and you took a NASCAR course together. I think it was like some Petty.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Petty.

[Marlon Wayans]

Richard Petty had this driving school thing that he did with a bunch of celebrities. Was you in it?

[Adam Carolla]

I did the Toyota Celebrity Grand Prairie a few times, but I never did the Richard Petty.

[Marlon Wayans]

Okay? It was Quentin Tarantino. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Wrong. Really? Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

This fucker was driving, like 300 miles an hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Quentin was.

[Marlon Wayans]

At one point, I thought his car was gonna literally take off and, like, fly.

[Adam Carolla]

He's insane. Isn't he crazy? But I love his movies. But he's nuts, right?

[Marlon Wayans]

He's crazy as all hell, but he's. Fucker could drive, though. If you ever want to rob a bank, make him your race car driver because he's dope.

[Adam Carolla]

Quinton, I'm looking for a wheelman and a second story guy.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

By the way, I can do both.

[Adam Carolla]

Grab Christoph Waltz. I need someone who's bilingual. All right, as long as you talk.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

About movies, I'd be remiss to let Marlon go without talking about Requiem for a Dream. I assume you consider yourself a comedic actor. It's one of the best dramatic performances I've ever seen for a comedic actor. Very well done. Are you gonna do more dramatic work?

[Marlon Wayans]

Probably not, but it's nice to have one and done. Yeah. I mean, it was.

[Adam Carolla]

It was damn good.

[Marlon Wayans]

It's rare that you get those opportunities, Darren. I had to, like, literally audition for that movie, like, six times. And Darren Aronofsky was like, I'm not letting any fucking body from the frog network on my goddamn. In my goddamn movie. And I just kept going in and convincing them, and then I. You know, I wound up getting it, and it was a great opportunity. I would do. I would do more drama, but I'm too busy writing comedies and going on tour, and do I.

[Adam Carolla]

This.

[Marlon Wayans]

I love this shit. Nobody understands how hard comedy is. Everybody's like, oh, drama. Look, we all have fucking tears. Can you make people laugh until they cry?

[Adam Carolla]

That.

[Marlon Wayans]

That's the joy of comedy. Comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

And I feel like the batting average is pretty good when the person goes from comedy to drama, and thus comedy a little more. Let's put it this way. Going from drama to comedy is tougher, I think, than going from comedy to drama, although we always say it's the other way around. But do you then consider yourself a writer, comedian, actor, or do you just feel like if it's comedy or if it's performing, you'll do it?

[Marlon Wayans]

If it's performing, and I think it's good, if it hits my sensibilities, something I want to do, I'll do it. I'm versatile. I could do it all. But, you know, I personally, when I'm going to write something, for the most part, it's going to be a comedy. If I'm going to produce something, chances are it's going to be a comedy. And if I'm going to be in something, you know, if it's. I'll do it with a good director or a great director. But, dude, I like comedy, man.

[Adam Carolla]

That shit.

[Marlon Wayans]

It's awesome. It's the best feeling in the world. I get to, like, laugh all day long, hang out with my boys, and, you know, basically just, you know, make people laugh. It's an awesome, awesome thing. There's no greater high than the adrenaline you get from an audience. Like, I need a drink after my show to come down off the high of, you know, those thousands of people laughing at your material. Awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to kill myself.

[Brian Bishop]

Marlon Hill.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if you guys caught any of Funniest Wins, which was the reality competition show that Marlon hosted, which my friend Christina was on. And I thought it was so interesting. Yes, love her. I thought it was interesting to watch how some of the people who were on the show are known for, let's say, vine comedy or just different social media comedy. And then to watch them try to adapt to different forms and how much how some of them struggled.

[Marlon Wayans]

That's why I like, when I created the show, I wanted to put comedians up against the viners, up against the YouTubers because everybody goes, oh, these guys, they all talk shit about each other. So YouTubers like, fuck stand ups. They're all jealous of me because I got all these millions of hits. Stand ups, like, fuck these fucking vine guys and these YouTubers. Let's see how fucking great they are when they get an audience in front of them. The vine guys are just kids. They're like, fuck all you guys. In six seconds, I'm making money. Suck my dick. So when you put them all together, what I found was the best. The comedians are the better writers. So they adapted best to when it was time to do a vine, when it was time to do a digital short. Because when you do stand up comedy, you have an audience in your head. So then when I put them in front of the audience, I didn't let the digital guys hide behind, you know, not having responsibility of an audience. So whenever we showed their digital short or their Vine, I put them in front of an audience so they would feel, you know, it's not just, hey, I think this is funny. No, the audience didn't laugh at all. All there was crickets. So now you're making them responsible. And what you find is a lot of times they're all talented. What you find is the comedians were a little bit more versatile and were probably the better, stronger writers in the longer form.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's hard. I mean, I found from doing a million live shows having there's no substitute for being up on stage with a guy who has the 10,000 hours with the mic in their hand. No matter how funny the actor, actress is or personality is just that person that has logged those hours on stage. And there's just no fast forwarding through that process. And you probably have young comedians say to you, oh, what's the trick? What's the key? How do we do it? It's like, get up on. Get on stage and stay there.

[Marlon Wayans]

And then after you get off stage, go across town, across town, get on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

Again.

[Marlon Wayans]

Then you go across town, get on stage again. You do stand up every day. The more you do it, the better you get. It's like now when you. I started doing like four and a half years ago, actually three years ago now. But I grew up in it. I just decided, I was like, you know, I don't want to do that shit. Keenan does it, Damon does it, Sean does it. I'm gonna be the actor of the family. And I was just like, you know, then I got the role of Richard Pryor and I was like, okay, if I'm gonna play the greatest comedian ever, I should get my black ass on stage. And so I started doing stand up and I actually fell in love with stand up. And I don't know what's gonna happen with the movie, but I'm just thankful to Pryor because it got me on stage and I've grown so much from doing standup. It's unbelievable. As a writer, it makes you better. Like when I'm. When I'm writing movies now, it helps me. I hear an audience in my head. I know you can hear where the ooh's gonna be and where the ha is gonna be. And now I'm getting to that point where you can actually take a concept and right there in front of your audience, you can build out a five minute bit with a good crescendo right there kind of on stage. Because the more you connect with the audience, it's not about the laughs, it's about the listen. If they're listening, you can make them laugh. The key is to keep them listening. You know, the more I do it, the more I learn. Plus, you know, I like doing characters too. So I'll like be in front of the audience and then like, I'll shut that curtain and it's just like, no, I'm not talking to you, I'm doing a monologue.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel like. I mean, now you can just go do whatever you want? I mean, you can do a show on tbs, you can be in a major film, you can do a comedy role, you can do a dramatic role, you can do stand up, you can write movies.

[Marlon Wayans]

I could be darn Ronnie Allen, Rippy and Will Smith all at the same time. Nowadays you can. There is no. Before, it used to be a. If you're a movie stars, you don't fucking touch tv. You never do a commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Marlon Wayans]

Nowadays you just. You can do it all because you're your own brand.

[Adam Carolla]

And is it front. And by the way, Rodney Allen was the little blonde Kid that moved next to the Partridge Family now. He. Rodney Allen Rippey was. Little black kid who was Gary Coleman. He was Gary Coleman before Gary Coleman was Gary Coleman. He ate the Jumbo Jack. That was his thing.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, him.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodney Allen Rippy.

[Allison Rosen]

I had that name in so long.

[Marlon Wayans]

He's the one that Gary Coleman said, I want to be like him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Before he was claimed by gangrene and the late 70s, he was one of the most beloved young black men in America. They took a miniature little boy with a huge Afro and they put a giant Jumbo Jack in his mouth. I think Jack in the Box is what put Rodney, Rodney, I'll rip you on the map. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Adorable.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He was a child star.

[Marlon Wayans]

He looked like he was the one. You know, he's a little. He goes, what you talking about, Willis? I was the first one to come up with that.

[Brian Bishop]

What you talking about, Willis? I said, what you talking about, Harry?

[Marlon Wayans]

That was my line, girl. Gary stole. Coleman stole my shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, There he is holding the Jumbo Jack.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I'm sorry.

[Marlon Wayans]

Doesn't he look like Gary Coleman Jr?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Was he a child or was he a little man? Well, Gary Coleman is a little person.

[Marlon Wayans]

What was Emmanuel Lewis like? Is he a child or is he.

[Adam Carolla]

A little bit of both. During his heyday, he was at the peak of his powers, probably.

[Allison Rosen]

Was he 4 or 18?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what we're wondering. First off, I'm a racist, and that's offensive. How is it offensive? Number one. Thank you. Marlon and I are both offended by that. And I'm racist. Look, it don't crash, okay? No, he was the height of his powers when he was 7 or 8 years old, or 6. No, he was. He was a young guy.

[Allison Rosen]

How dare you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we need to find out. So insulting.

[Marlon Wayans]

I swear he looks just like Gary Coleman.

[Adam Carolla]

What? He does now, we. All right, the campaign must have been circa 1974 or something like that. So, Gary, you need to find out what year he was born. And please don't have it be in the 40s. I'm gonna be embarrassed. He's born in 68, okay? So I guarantee those commercials were, like, from 75 or something. So he must have been.

[Marlon Wayans]

Well, looking at that Afro, that was more like 70. That was a 1974.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it says early type of afro, early 70s.

[Marlon Wayans]

The later the 70s went on, the smaller the Afro got. Cause by the 80s, that's when they all wanted to pat the afro down because they're preparing for the flat top.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I know this guy.

[Marlon Wayans]

I know this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So Rodney would have been six when he was doing this campaign. Now, where he is now that I think.

[Marlon Wayans]

I think he's still alive.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Someone would have called if something happened to Rodney. They know the way I feel, but.

[Marlon Wayans]

They definitely would have had him up at the Oscars.

[Adam Carolla]

He was super cute with the Jumbo Jack.

[Marlon Wayans]

Black and white.

[Adam Carolla]

He was super cute and he ate that Jumbo Jack and he launched the Jumbo Jack. As far as I could tell.

[Allison Rosen]

Was he parodied on SNL or anything? Because I definitely know the name, but this was before I was born.

[Adam Carolla]

His name comes up. Everyone younger than 1969, I want to.

[Allison Rosen]

Brag that I'm still a tiny bit under 40.

[Adam Carolla]

In 2013, he ran for mayor of Compton. Did he? Yeah, I was in Compton and I just ran. There's no office. I just kept running.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Where did Gary get that news from? The Onion?

[Adam Carolla]

He. Let's see. He bowed out of the race. He's 46 years of age. That's what we hear. Mayor of Compton. He was beat. Mayor McCheese, actually, the incumbent.

[Marlon Wayans]

What was his slogan? What did he say in that commercial?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Have it your way.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think he would just sit there for. It was diabolical because they. They launched the Jumbo Jack, but they took a miniature person to do it so that the burger looked huge because it had a five year old hanging onto it.

[Marlon Wayans]

It looked fucking huge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's the.

[Marlon Wayans]

That's why I say fuck girls with little hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But it's why I don't go after the ass. It's exact inverse. Exactly.

[Marlon Wayans]

Now we're connecting, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So he was holding. They got the little guy and he was eating it, saying just I think how big it was, but I don't think he had a. Here come the judge or any good thing like that.

[Marlon Wayans]

Know what you're talking about, Willis.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how it works for black folk. Like on your 10th birthday, they go, what's your saying? I don't have one. Well, you know, you got to pick one up.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta have one.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta have. Okay, that's good. Little Jimmy Walker. Now we're gonna see it. We're gonna see this commercial with Ronnie. You're gonna fall in love with him. By the way, you. Oh, look at us.

[Laura Ingraham]

Haven't I seen you on TV before? Yeah. What's your name? Rodney.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodney what? Rodney Adam Rippy.

[Brian Bishop]

What's that in front of you?

[Laura Ingraham]

A Jumbo Jack.

[Adam Carolla]

A Jumbo Jack.

[Brian Bishop]

Jack in the box.

[Laura Ingraham]

Did you ever get a bite out of. Should be A good eat.

[Adam Carolla]

You think you'll be able to get a bite now? Give it a try, Rodney.

[Allison Rosen]

Who's the creepy guy?

[Adam Carolla]

How about you shut up?

[Marlon Wayans]

Such a pedophile.

[Adam Carolla]

Boy, it's hot in here. We should take our shirts off. Ronnie, want some sweet tea? Don't wipe your chin. I got some Toll House cookies and sweet tea in the back.

[Marlon Wayans]

I like how Ronnie had attitude, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

Like he was like, nigga, why you.

[Adam Carolla]

Asking me so much? What question?

[Marlon Wayans]

Just give me my burger, fuck out my face.

[Adam Carolla]

Same stuff I did at Orange County Register. So there he is. He's adorable, right?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

There's the mayor.

[Adam Carolla]

And it worked great. The burger looked huge, right? That's the plan. All right, let me give a little love to one of our sponsors here. Stamps.com love stamps.com youm can buy and print official US postage and it comes right out of your own computer. That's right. You print it. It comes right out of your printer. Don't have to deal with the post office anymore. Turns your PC or Mac into a post office and it never closes, baby. They got a special offer. Enter the promo code Adam. I got a no risk trial, $110 bonus offer. Includes a digital scale and up to 55 bucks free postage. What do you do? Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone, top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that is stamps.com. enter Adam. All right, let's do one more story, shall we?

[Marlon Wayans]

You could definitely go.

[Allison Rosen]

The White House has rejected a call for an Ebola travel ban. So this would be a ban on travel from the West Africa region where all the Ebola cases are breaking out to the U.S. republicans are call. They want this ban. The White House is saying no, because what the argument against the ban would be that it could just further endanger people because people who are trying to get here would just find another route and then we wouldn't be able to track it.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Funny, a couple hundred years ago, we couldn't get people here fast enough from West Africa and now tell them not.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell them to stay home.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Things change.

[Adam Carolla]

It's powerful.

[Marlon Wayans]

Obama's not gonna let that happen.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna figure out a way. The deal is we say, don't come here. They're gonna come here anyway. But we won't be able to keep track of them.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, because they'll get a connecting flight through Dallas Fort Worth or through another country.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll land in Mexico and come across that way.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. And then we. Because we know if someone's Flying here from West Africa, we should be wary. But if that person. Yeah, exactly. Comes in and, you know, from another location, we're not gonna be wary.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. I'm not worried about the whole Ebola thing.

[Marlon Wayans]

My son is.

[Adam Carolla]

He is.

[Marlon Wayans]

He won't kiss me when I come home from the road.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Marlon Wayans]

He's like, you got germs. You gotta wash your hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah. My son's just like, how old is he? He's 12. He washes his hands. Like, except for when he touches his little nasty dick. I'm like, you don't think there's a bowl in there, like, all day long? I'm like, nobody's gonna take that job.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about how you grew up. I mean, where's everyone? Washing and purelling and cleaning and scrubbing and all this?

[Marlon Wayans]

No, we wasn't even wearing condoms. What are you talking about? Have gotten progressively worse. I miss the old days when diseases was just.

[Allison Rosen]

When it was just aids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

AIDS fucked it all up. After aids, herpes was like, the beginning. Then AIDS was just like, fuck you. Now there's Ebola. It's like, it's getting really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you know, I have said this many times. There's no way we need to be doing all the fist bumping and all the scrubbing and all the purelling and all this stuff. That's not going to work. That's not gonna make us any stronger.

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah, but, you know, people are nasty, though. Think about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, but think about everything that's around you in the air and what you eat. You came in here eating something that.

[Marlon Wayans]

It looked healthy.

[Adam Carolla]

It looked like somebody shit into a pinata and then squeezed it out into. Onto your plate. I don't even know what that was.

[Marlon Wayans]

I don't even know what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

What was it supposed to be?

[Marlon Wayans]

It was seaweed. It was. Was kimchi. It was some. A little bit of brown rice and black beans.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodney Allen four times and then ate that I.

[Marlon Wayans]

Four times in one. It was one time, but it was four times.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodney Allen King would be disgusted with you. Right, Sorry. King Freudian named a street after him. Is Rodney Allen Rippy all right?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Civil rights leaders.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodney Rodney Allen came.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He had a dream for Jumbo Jack.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodney Allen Rippey. Sorry.

[Marlon Wayans]

By the way, you could not molest that kid. He had way too much attitude. You want to touch my ding ding? You better not touch my ding ding.

[Adam Carolla]

Call my mama. No. Lord knows I tried. You could not now. Rodney Allen ripping. Now I'm scared to say he would be disgusted with you. If he saw what was in that bowl that you brought in.

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah, everybody would. But it's actually good for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

No, if you have a clean colon and eat like I do, probiotics and things like that, that's. Look, I'm 42 years old. I hope I don't look it, but I'm looking too. And I do probiotics. I do my vitamins. I'll show you how many vitamins I take. You're gonna be like, what in the hell?

[Adam Carolla]

If there's vitamins on you. Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

If the zombie virus hit, it wouldn't affect me.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodney. Rodney Allen King was. Only because you could just fart and.

[Allison Rosen]

Take them down with everything.

[Marlon Wayans]

No, because I'm. I got this every day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Big fistfuls of. In front of us.

[Marlon Wayans]

This is. This is good. This is what keeps me.

[Adam Carolla]

What's Rodney King's middle name?

[Allison Rosen]

Probably not.

[Marlon Wayans]

Alan Rodney King.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, what is his middle name?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, what if it's Alan? And I'm right.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He loves Jumbo Jackson.

[Adam Carolla]

He was three, by the way. Rodney Allen Rippy was when he.

[Marlon Wayans]

When he did that commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Ronnie King's middle name was Glenn. It's kind of anti Climactic. Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

So the way you said it, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Glenn.

[Laura Ingraham]

Glenn.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, one half or more. What do you got?

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Well, speaking of Ebola, Mark Zuckerberg and his wife donated $25 million to fight Ebola. Donated it to the CDC, and he said the Ebola epidemic is at a critical turning point. We believe our grant is the quickest way to empower the CDC and the experts in this field to prevent this outcome.

[Adam Carolla]

That's nice.

[Allison Rosen]

And this came after a story in the Daily Beast last week that said that Silicon Valley wasn't doing anything for Ebola.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's weird? He donated $25 million. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that generous for him or not? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

[Adam Carolla]

But this is my. This is my whole point. We shouldn't put the. For him after. After it. It's just $25 million, which is 25 million more than what he has. We always do it.

[Allison Rosen]

We want the pound of flesh. We want that someone sacrificed.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything is like, how much. I know, but that's how chicks roll. Everything's an engagement ring. Like, I've said it a million times. It's never the carrot. It's the guy and how much pain it was. If Zuckerberg got you a $4 million ring, you'd be like, what the fuck? But if he's a fry cook. And he got you a $900 ring. It was a huge sacrifice.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's how we're all wired. So it's like $25 million gets a. He's not gonna feel that. And it's like, okay, but.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

But it's.

[Adam Carolla]

What have all the people we've known combined, donated? I was sitting there going, a little less, like zero.

[Marlon Wayans]

I was just sitting there going, if $25 million, if I was to get Ebola, how much of that would go into my pocket? That's how much $25 million is. I'm willing to have Ebola just to get it done.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Got a slice of that pasta.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think it works that way. I don't think it's like, you get an Ebola payout.

[Marlon Wayans]

I know, but wouldn't it be awesome?

[Allison Rosen]

It'd be better if it did. Yeah. If we're like, we have no cure, here's some money. Hope this makes it better for the next 24 hours. 24 to 48. Or however long you live, if you have it.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm going to say that was a very generous move on his behalf, no matter how many kajillions he has.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Yes. And the story was, what's Silicon Valley.

[Allison Rosen]

Doing for Ebola after their self professed goal to change the world? Oh, I know.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I sort of had to straws.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the problem with anybody and everybody. Don't make the proclamations of I'm gonna change the world. Because then when shit goes down, they show up at your doorstep and go, what the fuck? You're in a hot tub with a smoothie right now. We need some change in. And speaking of change, Go to the bank and get some change big time. Just fucking go about your business. It is weird that we can just pick a group of folk and go like, what are the NFL owners doing about a ball? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

[Marlon Wayans]

And they all get pressurized, feel pressured to actually put up money. I was like, what the fuck? It's not my responsibility to fix Ebola. I mean, you know, I mean, how am I going to.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But I like Zucker for Zuckerberg for doing that. Zucker Alan King for doing that. And we shouldn't do that thing where we immediately hop to, well, he could have given more. Or what's that mean to him? Or that's like you giving $5 or whatever it is.

[Marlon Wayans]

Give $5.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's still 25 mil is 25 mil. I think. I think it's a good thing. Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

I'm the fry cook in the kitchen with the $900 ring. I'm giving my $5 to the ABOL.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Let's bring it home right now.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosent.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what?

[Marlon Wayans]

I'm not going to rape you today. You made me laugh real hard.

[Adam Carolla]

When. That's it up.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It was right before he said that.

[Marlon Wayans]

You want to touch my Ding Ding, you better not touch my ding Ding.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Rodney Allen King. Was that today? Oh, shit.

[Marlon Wayans]

Touch my ding ding. You better not touch my ding Ding King.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

That's not how he can't be molested.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, Evoice. Nothing better than owning your own business, hiring a receptionist. Ah, you don't want any of that. You need. Evoice lets you set up your own toll free number or your local number, whichever way you like. Customers will be greeted professionally. You get a virtual receptionist, they'll route your calls wherever you are. And you can sound like a Fortune 500 company. Never miss an important call. All for under 13 bucks a month. That's right, eVoice. 13 bucks a month. Under 13 bucks a month. And right now, for a limited time, my listeners can try it out for free. That's right, try eVoice. Free for 60 days. Go to evoice.comace that's evoice.com ace. Set up your 60 day extended free trial. Evoice.comace all right, we're going to be doing a bunch of live podcasts around the country. So you can go to AdamKroll.com and find out where we're going to be. Wilbur theater in Boston, October 24, Marlon Wayne is going to be there and you can go to his website, whatthefunny.com and I'm guessing and you can find all the dates and live dates and shows and all.

[Marlon Wayans]

So let me. You probably won't hit me on Instagram at Marlowans or Twitter, Arlon Wayans or my Facebook fan page, Marlon Wayans. Follow it, I mean, like it and you'll get the information there. But I'm. October 24th, I'm at the Wilbur Theater in Boston. October 25th, I'm going to be, I think in Chicopee at Connecticut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Marlon Wayans]

And then on the 23rd, I'm at West Nyack.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm going to. I'm going down to November. Yeah. Comedy Connection in Providence. And that's on October 23rd. And then NYACK.

[Marlon Wayans]

November 6th through 9th. But Boston, I'll see y' all soon. Let's have some good times.

[Adam Carolla]

October 24th at the Worldwide. Marlon Wayans. Until next time's Adam Crowland. From Marlon Wayans, Allison Rosen, and ball Brian. Say it. Mahalo.

[Brian Bishop]

You better give me a lot of lumps.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

All right, that's Adam Crillow Show 1434.

[Adam Carolla]

With Marlon Waynes and Lauren Ingram.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Coming next, we have adam caroller show 1444. This one has Arnaz, J. Def frat guy, Allison Rosen. Brian bishop, also from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out. Good day, Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam. Carolla handballed. Brian. Fuck you.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Tallbaby wanted that. No, tallbaby21 wanted that with the hashtag top drop from the last.

[Adam Carolla]

Last night. Speaking of last night, World Series, seventh game, glorious. I was feeling pretty good about my son who wanted to watch replays of the NFL week that happened prior to this. And I said, it's the seventh.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, you want to watch it over the World Series?

[Adam Carolla]

I said, seventh game of the World Series. And he was like, yeah, but baseball blows.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Did he work the move the needle, come in at a game?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he worked the baseball is boring and it sucks. And I said, absolutely correct. So this is a correct answer, but this is the seventh inning or the seventh game. And this is, ironically, was about the seventh inning, and it's a one run game. And we should definitely hang out for the next 25 minutes and see how this one ends.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Even if you're hot or cold on baseball, medium cool, this is as good as it gets.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And the thing, seventh game, the thing that's great about all sports is the insane unknown. Just the machinations, the different ways that things can happen.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

The vagaries.

[Adam Carolla]

The vagaries that you never knew. You just go, well, all right, if he gets a single here, then they got a guy on first, but not the guy booting it in center field. And then the ball rolls to the track, and then the guy at the track boots the ball, and then the guy who's running it out, it's got no wheels. And I was going insane now. I was yelling at my wife. The guy at third base, the coach should have sent him. Really definitely should have sent him.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You think so?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and here's what I said. Although she was tuned out, and it drives me nuts when I call shit and then people are tuned out. I said, he should have sent him.

[Allison Rosen]

What is that? Sorry. What does that mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Sent him home, Waved him around, but don't hold up at third Base. Don't hold up at third base. Go in.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Just go and try and score.

[Adam Carolla]

Go home, go home. Go home.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Because, Allison, there were two outs.

[Adam Carolla]

Check, check, check. There we go.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

They were down to their last out. They could not. If they made another out, the whole World Series is over.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, Gary, you can stop it when I tell you to stop. But you'll see, at a certain point, the runner is almost halfway between second and third when the guy still on the. And still. I didn't show it from this angle, but still on the track, picking the ball up. The guy's halfway. Now, the guy who's running doesn't exactly have wheels, right? But here was what I likened it to, because I like to do this in front of my children. If ISIS or Al Qaeda jumps you in the parking lot and says, get in the van, once you're in the van and the doors are closed, that'll be about it. You'll just be in some bunker somewhere doing videos with a guy, hearing a guy sharpening a sword, and you'll be thinking, I did have an opportunity. And that opportunity.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Don't let the kidnapper take you to a second location.

[Adam Carolla]

Right when I was standing in that parking lot of Costco and Glendale, I really should have made a move right then. Now there's a pretty good chance you would have gotten shot in the back as you ran.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You're talking about the runner now going to third base.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Okay, but that was your opening, right? I said to Lynette, I said, the guy who's pitching for San Francisco is pitching lights out ball. The next guy is going to get up is going to pop out, right? And that will end the game. The percentage of the next. The guy who's pitching is setting records. He's.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He's a dominant pitcher, Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Not only dominant, but when they start going back, they're going back dates where guys are named Whitey. When you're. When they're. When you have to go back and find out that Shoeless Whitey Brown was.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Yes. He's been doing better than pitchers that were named after girls. Christy Mathewson and Babe Ruth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Those are the pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

You're better anytime.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Madison. Another girl's name. Madison Bumgarner.

[Adam Carolla]

Bumgarner. If there's ever a time when they have to go back to find a guy named Whitey to compare your stats in a World Series, that is great news for you. That means this has not gone on in 89 years of world Series. So the guy's pitching lights out ball. And in my opinion, there's little to no chance that the next guy is going to get up and get a base hit, which is what he's going to need to get this guy. Not a long fly out, a base hit. And by the way, I've been watching for the last four innings and this is the only hit I've ever seen, right? So unfortunately, this guy doesn't have wheels. But the shortstop or whoever went out and cut it off. Shortstop, he went and one hopped him. He cleanly fielded it. He was gonna have to turn around and he was gonna have to fire a strike, which probably under the heat of the moment would have been a one hopper, I'm guessing, to home plate. And the catcher would have had to handle it cleanly and applied the tag cleanly, which he probably would have done, but he may not have.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Yes, if there's a 20% chance you score on that play by sending the runner home, it's better than your 2% chance the next hitter gets a hit.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think I would have had it a little more of a 60, 40 split because the shortstop would have had to turn and fire a nice ball. And a lot of that's a tough throw to make in that situation. And oftentimes sometimes the catchers don't cleanly receive the ball.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

If that plays not perfect, that guy scores if the throw's two feet either way.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I said to Lynette, well, she said, then why didn't he go? And I said, there's a third base. I said, I stopped it and I pointed at the third base coach and I said, see that old guy standing there? He had to make a decision. And he had a window of about 1.3 seconds max to make the decision. Swing my arm around, meaning go home to the plate or hands up, hold up, wait at third base. Now, first off, he was dealing with, and this is why sports are great, he was dealing with. What would you normally do in this situation? Well, normally you would hold the guy at third, but that would be in game number four of the World Series in inning number five. This isn't the end of the end of the end.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

This is a doer time.

[Adam Carolla]

This is two outs, ninth inning, seventh game, guys pitching, bum Garner's pitching, lights out, ball. And that poor 61 year old guy could not process all that. But I said, more importantly to Lynette, this guy, if he waves his arm and that guy gets thrown out at home, he's the goat. He's the goat. He will be blamed for the loss. And by the way, this game's going to end right now. If he waves his arm two and a half seconds from now, this game could end at home plate and everyone's going to be booing him as opposed.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

To if he holds the runner. Stay on third. Next batter's up. The flame still flickers. You know, they're still there.

[Allison Rosen]

They still could reasonably make the safe, but wrong choice.

[Adam Carolla]

We think so, yes. And then the guy. The next guy popped out. And I looked at Lynette and I said, what I tell you is going to do? And then she looked up from her computer and said, what? And I said, I told you they're gonna hold. They hold the guy. The next guy's gonna come in and just pop out. She's like, yeah. Is that what you. If. Okay, then he popped out. Right? And it's like, this is never how. It's so unsatisfying. It's so unsatisfying.

[Allison Rosen]

So wait, is the coach not the goat?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

No, because it was 100% the wrong decision. It was.

[Allison Rosen]

Do most people not think it was the wrong decision? There's a lot of negatives in that. What do most people think?

[Adam Carolla]

He. Well, the problem. The reason he's not the goat is because he didn't stick his neck out.

[Allison Rosen]

He made a TV executive decision.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he did. A TV executive decision, which is the proper decision to make, is to hold the guy at third base. That's what the manual says. He wasn't factoring in the guy who was pitching, who was getting everyone out constantly and in a crazy zone, and that the next guy would come in. He wasn't doing the math. He just, like, this is what the book says. It's sort of like they do it in football. Go for two, don't go for two. Whatever it is, as long as you don't deviate from that, you will not be the goat. Right.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

And, Alison, you see it in sports a lot. When a manager or coach makes a decision, immediately everyone's like, what are you doing? What was he thinking? That wasn't the situation. That was, oh, they're holding him.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. It wasn't even. They're holding him. Okay. It was. That's. That's what they should be doing. Yeah, that's what the. That's what the book says.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I'm so glad you're interested in this play because obviously I'm a Giants fan and I was dying on that last play. Let's back up a second. Because if he had scored on what was essentially an inside the park home run to tie the game in the bottom of the ninth in game seven with two outs. That would have been the crazier than the Kirk Gibson home run. The craziest play in baseball history, right? Tie the game at home, game seven.

[Adam Carolla]

Two outs, balls on ninth, slow whitey inside the park. Home run. That's what I'm saying now. There's a few things I always also look at because I'm feelings based. I always look at the person. Everyone laughs, but I always think about who's bad I like. I immediately go to the center fielder who completely booted that ball and then the left fielder who booted it too.

[Allison Rosen]

And I does booty mean chase and not. Not catching that thing where they're running around trying to.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Gregor Blanco whiffed on the ball. He did something you talk about a lot, which is you want to be either in the ocean or up on the beach, not getting pounded by the surf. Gregor Blanco charged the ball super hard.

[Adam Carolla]

In life, don't be in between. Yeah, he charged it to make the.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Catch and then pulled up at the.

[Adam Carolla]

Last second feet before the ball came in. Realized, I'm not getting to this. And he should have never done it because it's a situation where you have to keep the ball in front of you because there's two outs and your pitchers pitching lights out ball. You can't give up a double because the guy will score from second base on a hit.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Single means he should have done what the third base coach said, which is play it safe. If he had just given up a single, what are the chances the Royals get two more hits off Madison?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Not gonna happen. But in his mind he's like, game over.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I'm gonna get that ball.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine the game ends with you laying out, stretching out and sliding and robbing a guy of a sure hit. And by the way, that's what leads Sports Center.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then that's iconic image that goes on a million years after you're dead. It's in the Smithsonian. When the game ends, they always have the guy who made the last out.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

So just a dive in catch in center field.

[Adam Carolla]

In his brain, there must have been a. I'm going for this shit.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

What would you dream of when you're little? Eating.

[Adam Carolla]

And then at the end the last five steps was a. Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit. He charged too hard. It got past him.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

And Garrett, you can put a slango.

[Adam Carolla]

His foot slips just enough the glove. He wasn't playing it safe then. So if that game had been tied up, I would have felt horrible for that 26 year old Dominican guy because he would have then gone to his grave going, I fucking booted that ball and cost us the game. Because what would have happened is, here's what would have happened. That guy would have scored. If he would have scored, the next guy would have got in and popped out and the guy would have gone in extras and he would have went, fuck. The next batter would have popped out. If I just kept it in front of me, would have stopped and he would have been the goat and had to deal with that. And I always think if you. That sort of Bill Buckner thing, which is.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Bill Buckner's a famous goat in World Series history because he let a very easy ground ball go.

[Allison Rosen]

He was on Curb youb Enthusiasm, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Was he? Yes, yes, he was. So your worlds collide, people. I feel horrible for anyone who has to wear that hair shirt around for the rest of their life. And this guy. And baseball fans, because they have nothing to do, are more relentless than other fans.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

A lot of downtime.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll get into the downtime in the baseball fans for a second, but for some reason football fans have a shorter memory and basketball fans have a shorter memory because I think the game is sped up. Baseball players, they literally sit around and talk about shit that happened in the 20s, stuff like that. Like old 89 year old guys are still talking about shit that went down before World War I murders.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Roe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they literally. History is such a part of the game that you fucking up then becomes part of the history which is part of the game. NFL. It's like, like first off, half the players in the league don't. Couldn't name 10 players who played eight years before they came into the league. I mean it just has no. It's just. No, it's no history. It's all athleticism, but it's no real history. Baseball's all history. So that would have just gone down and that would have been it. Yes, I was screaming send him, send him. But that poor old guy had to make a decision in a split second and he wasn't going to end the game on his watch and he would have been a good.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

By the book. It was the right decision. Like I said, I'm a Giants fan, but part of me wanted him to get sent because that would have been a definitive end of the game or greatest play in World Series history. But it would have been a moment that we.

[Adam Carolla]

But again, it was outside of the van. Lunch at Al Qaeda guy.

[Allison Rosen]

What were the chances that it would have worked?

[Adam Carolla]

I Would say coin toss on a positive side and on a negative side, maybe 25, 20, 25%.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You saw the runner rounding the bases, looking at the wall. If he had been head down sprinting out of the box, I bet he would have scored. But he was kind of, oh, the ball's gonna get caught. Oh no it's not. Oh, should I stop if he dead out spot.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he thought, he thought he was gonna get a single, then he thought he was gonna get a double, then he thought he was gonna get a triple. But he was running as if. And if he just put his beard down and kept going either way. I was saying send him cause he's gonna pop out and it didn't give a I shit. And near to sunny, who was playing on it was sitting.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

But he hits the ball to the moon.

[Adam Carolla]

Why doesn't he using his tablet? Yeah, he hits the fucking T to the moon. So that was exciting. Exciting and exciting for Brian. As a big Giants fan, that was awesome.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I mean, I think Royals fans and sports fans in general can agree it was a good series and what, seven games. It came down to the bottom of the ninth.

[Adam Carolla]

Came down to the last pitch of the game pretty much. And then I got obsessed with what I always get obsessed with especially and it's something I never noticed before, but now, now I got a 60 inch plasma and everything's in high def and it's non stop spitting. It is an so much spitting on the jockey cascade of spitting. Now the pitcher for KC has a nervous tick when it comes he doesn't. Yeah, yeah, you see him making a little, little trough with his lower lip, doing a weird kind of like weird sprinkler thing and then, and then a big spit and then back to weird.

[Allison Rosen]

Like are they dipping?

[Adam Carolla]

Some of them are dipping, some of them are eating seeds.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Pablo Sandoval is dipping enough for everyone else.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy who hit the triple had a huge thing of dip in his mouth so that you could see his fucking brown lower teeth and the chaw sort of hanging out. By the way, I don't think that there's no way that dip speeds you up around those bases. And then the last guy who batted does the move for kc, does the move where he does, he shoots a seed out, then he shoots the husk out, then he shoots some spit out, then he shoots some husk out. And I said it's weird too. Like I can get no traction with this. I just go, look, how about this rule with all the high def and the spitting is not oh Once in a while you see somebody on the team spit from, you know, but that's from the Goodyear blimp. They go to the dugout. I fucking with Tevo. I count it out. They go to the dugout for four second shots. Some guys, they have a spit cam. Guy's literally just dumping spit. Everyone's just dumping spit everywhere. They go tight on the pitcher. Like when the pitcher is standing there looking for the sign up on the mound, they're. His head is taking up the entire screen and he's doing this weird lower lip sort of sprinkle. I don't even know what it is. Then he takes his whole hand and he puts it in his mouth. Like he just go. And it was funny because the last.

[Allison Rosen]

What is that? What's the whole hand in the mouth?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Got a grip on the ball. The last tackiness on the fingertips.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, before this discussion, it was 20 minutes of me sitting in the kitchen watching Lynette load the dishwasher. But every single glass had been thoroughly with hot water cleaned out to the point where it was spotless and fine. And I was like, just put it on the rack. I like it clean. It's clean right now. There's nothing on it. It's completely clean. It's utterly clean. Just put it on the rack right now. I want it clean. I don't want any bacteria. There is no bacteria. It's not like I was steeping chicken parts or something in there. There's nothing in there. Just put it. I want it in here. I was like, okay. But it doesn't. It's not going. I have this conversation and it's a weird one, but I have it a lot with a lot of people, which is. I'm not here to criticize. I only want to focus on things that make sense.

[Allison Rosen]

And you, you're feelings based.

[Adam Carolla]

You loading and unloading that, it's just creating extra work for you.

[Allison Rosen]

But what I don't understand is the step of rinsing it out beforehand. It feels like a One or the other.

[Adam Carolla]

You're standing over the sink, the sink is running, you have hot water on it, and the glass is perfectly clear and perfectly clean. Now put it here. No, it's gotta be. I want the hot water, you know, I want it steamed or whatever. Okay, fine. Listen, as I say, look, we were talking the other night, you know, the most germs in the world on the coffee pot, all the fucking people in the bathroom opening the door with their sleeve, lifting the toilet seat with their foot, making the whole thing. That's fine, except for all the germs are on the coffee pot. And by the way, people pour the coffee, then they walk out and they grab a bagel or donut and they walk back to their desk and eat it with that exact same hand. They hand, hand on the fucking coffee pot handle. And don't think twice about it because emotionally it's not moving their needle at all. Emotionally, fine. Hey, it's, it's coffee. I like coffee. Coffee's nice, coffee's warm, coffee's inviting. There's a donut, that's fine. How many times have you seen the person tear the croissant or the donut or the bagel in half and put the thing in there? Everyone walks up. They don't pick it up with their fucking sleeve or Kleenex or tongs or anything. They just pick it up. They'll butter it up and they'll eat it. Well, that was just in someone's hand. They had to grab your end because they had to tear it in half. They arguably had a better grip on your side. They threw it down and you're back in there with the sleeves and opening the bathroom door with your foot and all kinds of stuff. It's great, except for it doesn't make any sense at all. And all I ever say to everyone is, let's just do what makes sense. Let's just do what makes sense. Just do what makes sense. And it's like, no, I want to do it this way. I feel much better about it this way. But there's no scientific anything that can back up that manner that you're doing that's creating a whole bunch of extra work for you. And it's like understood. I like it this way. Way, which is, it's fucking weird to me how. And by the way, the entire country is this.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, it makes sense what you're saying, but I'm just thinking the person who says to you, uh huh, I get it, but I like doing it this way. I'm wondering if they actually don't believe what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

They act as if they don't believe what I'm saying. And there's this new gray area now with people where again, where it's like you say to somebody, I talked to so and so, did you pay him for that gig? I thought I did. You thought you did. Cause he said you didn't. Well, maybe I didn't. Well, you didn't. Wait a second ago, you said you thought you did. Did you really Think you did.

[Allison Rosen]

Why are you being a dick?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's my relationship with other humans on the planet. But you're acting like a dick. What I'm saying is their actions would suggest they don't believe me. But that's not. That's almost too high an order of thought, right?

[Allison Rosen]

They're not gonna commit. They're just gonna go with what makes them comfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

It's much more just superstitious, native, like, this is the way I do it. And I'm always like, does anyone wanna listen to the guy who never gets sick who owns everything?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Or should we put it that way? I wanna listen to that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I am the guy who never gets sick who owns everything. Maybe I have. Maybe there's some insights I have. Maybe there are a couple of techniques I know in life that may.

[Allison Rosen]

For owning and not getting sick.

[Adam Carolla]

For owning and not getting sick. But that doesn't. By the way, those days are long gone. Like, whatever you have done.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

No, meaning, what have you done for me lately, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Meaning the back to baseball. My batting average is pretty good. I don't.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Is 100 pence good or is it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't bet on a lot of. My pants are lower. I don't bet on a lot of fucking. I don't bet on a lot of dogs. I don't make a lot of decisions that I regret. And when I say this is good, it's usually good. But it's not that people, they don't think you're a liar. It's just, this is the way I do it. It's basically, it's like, it's everything in life. Like we talk about, like, look, you're not religious, you're not superstitious, but if we're getting on a plane, we're not going to talk about plane disasters. It's just not. We're not going to do that. You know, it has nothing to do with this flight. But still, that's not going to be a topic that's going to be on the table, right? Yes, it's that kind of a thing. But either way, it's spitting, it's spitting. It's more spitting. It's spitting. It's spitting. So I say to Lynette, what the fuck? Like now with high def and everyone with the 65 inch plasma, how about this rule? No dip when you're walking a home plate or if you take them out. Look, eat, lay out. A full fucking Caesar style buffet in the fucking dugout. But once you go out to perform what you are being Paid millions of dollars to do. Look, have you ever seen Kobe Bryant running up and down the fucking hardwood with a burrito in his hand and us going, well, hey, hey, he's hungry, he's gotta eat, doesn't he? Why can't he eat? What's the big deal? Or just sitting on the bench with some nachos between his legs or something. We've carved out three hours where you do your job. Can you not eat during that period? We'll schedule the game when you eat lunch. One, two. Good. We'll make the game for three and then you'll be home for supper at seven. But during this period, can we just not. I mean, look, look, a lot of you guys smoke weed. A lot of you guys like to have a cold one. Lot of you guys like to eat pussy. But during this three hour period, can we limit that? Can we not eat snatch during the fucking three hour period? Or is the answer I like eating pussy?

[Allison Rosen]

I think for some pussy helps them play ball. That would be an answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Millions of dollars a year. Can you leave the fucking seeds in the dip in the dugout? So these guys all come up to home play or take the mound. It's. And they're spitting all over everything.

[Allison Rosen]

Spit just flew out of your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And Lynette's like, she does what everyone does. It's baseball. That's what they do. What are you gonna do, say no? And I was like, absolutely.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

That's exactly what happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely. I want to take a Sharpie and I want to erase the San Diego Padres logo and I want to put a swast sticker on there. How about that? No. The answer is no. You don't get to do that.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Poor Padre.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a game. I picked them specifically because they have an angel guy up there. The point is the answer just be no. And I'm not saying you can't dip or eat seeds when the game's over, but during this window, just like in basketball, just like in football, you don't see fucking Peyton Manning eating a fucking grinder or a hoagie on this. No, it's not during this period of time. All right, and how about this? How about just this as a start? Eat all the seeds you like, chew all the dip you like. But before you head to the on deck circle or before you take the mound, how about you rinse out with a little tap water and just for the very brief time you'll be at the plate, the 86 seconds you'll be at the plate, you won't have to engage. You cannot engage in this activity that's super gross and high def. For just this one moment in time. Yes. Would that sound fair? And then. Hey pitcher, you'd like to get back to your seeds and your dip. Here's your incentive. Go out there, throw three pitches, have them all be grounders to the shortstop and you can run back and get your precious seeds and dip.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Speed up the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? It's disgusting. And it's like. Well, the players association would never go for. Never go for not eating while you're batting.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Never go for not ingesting tobacco.

[Adam Carolla]

It's by the way, the fucking. The dip is as dangerous or almost as dangerous as smoking. I mean it's up there. It's not. It's probably statistically not as but it's definitely not a happy alternative. Dfg.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, defrac guy. What's up dude?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Living the dream.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey dfg, let me give a little love to Simplisafe. By the way. Home security. No aggressive sales guys. No hardwired systems. No long term lock in contracts. Easy. So easy. Mike August used it and he's a klutz around. Well I was going to say the house, but really everything. Got it up and running. In 20 minutes the box comes to your doorstep. Round the clock protection. 15 bucks. No contracts. No long term contracts. No hassles, no wires. No ex cons going through the wife's panty drawer. Which is what they do when they wire those places up. Now it's wireless. Go online, set up your system and they'll send it out to you in a box. Simply save. That's SimpliSafe. Adam.com youm get 10% off wireless. Even the keypad. Unbelievable. Simplisafe. Let them know Adam sent you dfg. It's been too long.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

The dance that I'm going to do a dance on our faces if we don't clean up those pumpkins.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's the first thing DFG ever said to me. Hell yeah. Dude.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

What's up bro?

[Adam Carolla]

What's up bro? Hey, were you gonna do some JV or all balls like a Halloween style version?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Hell yeah. But dude, I never know anybody has gotten lip cancer from dip.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh well you. You hang around a bunch of 20 something year olds but when these guys get older man, it gets ugly. They get a. They get it of their lips and.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Jaws and everything been I'm giving grizzly winter green pouches out for trick or treat candy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh no, no. You can't give dip out, are you? Well, you're not.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

They don't like it. I'll take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're talking about the actual. The pouch.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

They come in a pouch for kid.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, no. The pouches for all.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

All the whole Thanksgiving dinner, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

I would love, by the way. I would. This is what I'm gonna do. Oh, my God. Are you ready? Set up the GoPros. I'm going out to Santa Monica. I'm gonna give out powdered candy cigarettes and the little grizzly dip pouches.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Those would be the only two options when the kids come by. It's gonna be so awesome to have. That is a fucking awesome porch. I'll call them porch arguments. And I'll be like, yeah, they're called candy cigarettes. Candy cigarettes. There's candy corn. It's not real corn. If your kid was allergic to corn, they could still eat candy corn. Yeah, that's right. And the grizzly pouches, those are smokeless.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

You're coming out ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

The greatest awesome porch argument ever. All right. So, dfg, where were we?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Oh, dude, I think you will. I was going to ask you some jb. All.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I think we have a. I have an intro, right?

[Sponsor/Announcer]

And now Mangria presents the deaf frat guy. And JV or all balls.

[Adam Carolla]

He calls from the frat house onto the show. The deaf rat guy hearing Imperial, he.

[Marlon Wayans]

Says, hammered all day long with Poochie, Moose and Micah.

[Adam Carolla]

They chug some fruits, chew potato guns, and then play the be cooking. If something's pushing, he'll make the call. So now it's time for all right. Dfg.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Oh, yeah, what do you think about Moose always dressing up like a lady, like a hot chick. This year he's gonna be a sexy Ebola nurse.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's timely.

[Adam Carolla]

So you worry now. Moose is the one who had wood during the halftime of the super bowl where Mick Jagger performed. Right.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Or he had wood wrestling all the time with other dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're a little.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

He's my best friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I understand. But you're a little nervous about Moose. Like, you know, he. Maybe he might be gay. He goes as a woman every.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

I thought he's bi.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you think he's bi?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

He was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's not bi anymore. His. He's having no sex now.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Yeah. I don't know, dude. He's a freak, dude. But tonight he dressed. He always dresses up like a chick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'll tell you, I've gone As a chick many years. I would say if there was a guy and you thought, I wonder if that guy's gay or not. He would never dress as a chick on Halloween because he wouldn't want it. He'd overcompensate. Yes.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He'd go super masculine.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Mm. So I'm gonna say all balls. It's not jv.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I'm going, yeah, all balls.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like it's jv. I'm sorry, Adam. I just think it's a little typical and cliche.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Jv.

[Adam Carolla]

Jv. All right.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Why don't you just go ahead and get, you know, save some makeup and just put a. In your ass now.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Is that a makeup saver? Oh, I see. Right. Okay. Okay. All right, listen. I hope Moose doesn't listen to this podcast.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

I don't know what he's doing. Dude, he's up in. In Frisco.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

The plot seconds.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

He's celebrating working for the San Francisco Jacks, and Halloween is like their Christmas.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that moves.

[Adam Carolla]

That the Jacks. Yeah, that's. Yeah, we can get into that later. All right, anyway.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. What do you think about when kids use eggs to egg houses?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's weird because I enjoy eating eggs, but people always say, oh, it'll take the paint. Screws up the paint on the car, and it screws up the. It's weird that something you eat so readily and serve your kids on a daily basis takes the paint off of cars.

[Allison Rosen]

Does it really do that?

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone claims that it really fucks things up. The thing about eggs is they're a little bit. I love the notion of hucking things, but the egg is a little aggressive. First off, if it hits you, it's gonna. If it hits you in, like, the eyeball or the orbital socket or something, it's gonna fuck you up a little bit, number one. Number two, you could throw. You could bust a window with an egg probably pretty easily. And you can kind of. It makes now if it then dries overnight, and like I said on the car, it kind of hard to clean off and all that kind of shit. Plus, you know, just the hucking of food, especially a protein. Yeah. You know, Gallagher, smashing melons is one thing. This is a protein source. I want something in between toilet paper and eggs.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Okay. Toilet paper's a pain in the butt too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It's not quite. You know, it's like toilet paper's too light. Eggs are a little. Little too aggressive.

[Allison Rosen]

Water balloons.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But then that's like you could sleep through that. You know that. That's okay. But you have to hit the person with it. I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say jv. I don't like throwing eggs at people.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I just never saw the appeal.

[Allison Rosen]

I say jv I think JV as well.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

All balls. You throw them at people. You throw them at the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Like, who would you throw it at? Like Ashley's house or something like that.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Like the dean. You find out where he lives. Or the professor that gave you a bad grade or failed you because maybe you showed up late or didn't go to the class the whole semester.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but then don't you think you should fail? If you don't go the whole semester.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

The dude you want to make that dean or professor, you want to make their house look like if it was white, it's going to be yellow the next day. With egg. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, with egg.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

All right, well, perfect weapon that nature ever made.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Yeah, well, potato.

[Adam Carolla]

Potato's up there too, right?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

No, that you could throw yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta have a potato gun.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, give us two more.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Oh, all right. Hell yeah. Playing Ookie Candy Corn oh, ookie cookie.

[Adam Carolla]

Is bad enough, but Ookie candy corn.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's a small target.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, ooky cookie is.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

How do you know it's played?

[Allison Rosen]

I. I sure do. But if the listener would like to know, then perhaps someone should explain. But I'm. I am familiar with this game.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I have no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Dawson, if you. If you. If you toss out to Gary. Gary can find. Hey, dfg. Oh, yeah, Remember you used to watch the man show back in the day, right?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Yeah, with the fox.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there was. I think there was a man show the doggies. Yeah, there was a man show frat house kit for kids. Like play. You know, it's a sort of GI Joes, but frat boys, it was a whole like, you know, Barbie's Dream house, but it was like for 9 year old boys, that bit, I think. Maven Valdochi.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Did it come with a cookie?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think we'll. I'll show you that bit if we can find. I haven't seen it in a million years, but remember that bit? Dfg?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

I think they were Frank Guy superheroes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, something. Something like that. All right, so Ookie cookie. So whoever finishes last has to eat the ookie candy corn.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In a way, there's a part of me.

[Allison Rosen]

Does everyone. Come on. One candy corn.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's gonna be a tallish order.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's a small target.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I'm picturing more of a jello cup filled with candy corners.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

A bag full of them.

[Adam Carolla]

A bag full of them. Yeah. So on one hand, it's one of those things where you go, oh, my God. No. On the other hand, it's kind of like when someone says, I went over Niagara Falls in a barrel. You're like, I could never do that. But I kind of respect it. I kind of respect the crazy challenge. I mean, that's. That's.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

And this is the kind of crazy challenge you respect.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a crazy challenge. Yeah. I say it's literally all balls.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I can't see a benefit to this. I say jv.

[Allison Rosen]

I appreciate the seasonal aspect. All balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Yeah, it is all balls. Because it's exactly what Ace was saying. It was like the adrenaline rush you get from not eating. It's not every candy corn is covered in jit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, but for me, no, I would say it's more like being able to really laser focus and not be the last one.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

DFG saying, there are some candy corns you can enjoy as candy corns.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. I get you.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

It's safer than the cookie. Cookie covered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I understood. Understood. All right. Give us one more tfg.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Can I just do a speed round, bro?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Grimace from McDonald.

[Adam Carolla]

All balls.

[Allison Rosen]

All balls.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

JV.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Hell yeah. Pink Guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's not pink Guy. It's earning it or giving it. You know what I mean? It's like, nobody likes crabs, but if you got it from a supermodel, I think we'd be okay with that. So I'm gonna say surprisingly. All balls.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Jv.

[Allison Rosen]

Jv.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Jv.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Pinky. Pinky.

[Adam Carolla]

All balls.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Jv. Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Jb.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Fall in the World Series Default Classic.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the Fall Classic. It even sounds boring. Sounds like a golf tournament. I'm going jv.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

All balls.

[Allison Rosen]

Jv.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Jv. Hell yeah. It's called the World Series.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Goblins, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Goblins. Yeah, I think it's jv. I'm tired of Goblins.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

All balls.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I'll go all balls.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Yeah. All balls. Shit, I hate jv.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. One more. One more in your speed round.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Okay. Not letting all those define you.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's jv. I think telling people not to define you is like telling people not to judge you. It's impossible.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

This has got to be all balls.

[Adam Carolla]

All balls.

[Allison Rosen]

Balls.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

It's all balls. Never let people define you. Especially others.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't let other people define you. Especially others.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, that's a good positive note. That's like a good Rihanna themed song, you know? Thanks, dfg.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Hell yeah, bro. I just want. Can I give a shout out to my Twitter and Poosy's uncle? Dudes getting over either Ebola. Hell yeah. The Happy Halloween is still in segregation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Quarantine, right?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Yeah, you know, for a quarter. Another quarter of a month or some shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay, so Poochie's uncle got Ebola.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

He tested positive.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, all right, that's enough. That's enough. All right, dfg. You can goeff fratguy on Twitter if you want to send DFG out some.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

He was asymptomatic until he started fire hosing diarrhea from his ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Ebola was like a Wolverine crawled up his ass and was fighting to get out of him.

[Adam Carolla]

He's an eloquent man. Poochie's uncle. We should get him on the show.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

It's a wildly descriptive.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Thanks, dfg.

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Hell yeah, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

That was jv or all balls with.

[Adam Carolla]

The death brat guy.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Brought to you by Mangria.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see, Arnaz J. Comedian is here waiting to come in. We'll bring him in in a second. We have the man. We have the man show. I know. Fraternity action heroes. Okay, I'll run you there. Fraternity action heroes. Fraternity action heroes. Five tough guys. One tough fraternity. Smitty, Mojo, Big Dave, Hooter and the Toad. Fraternity action. I'm the evil dean and I'm gonna shut your house down if you don't pass tomorrow's exam. Forget you, Dean. And we're going cruising in my dad's Beamer to pick up some ecstasy for our party with the Kappas. 48 beers. He's going for the drink. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. I can't feel my legs. Collect all five so you and your friends can act out classic fraternity rituals. Fraternity action heroes. Okie cookies sold separately.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Four of them are like traditional figures. And the one fat guy in a.

[Adam Carolla]

Toga, the one Belushi. Yep. Was that Toad? Yeah. I remember having a nice conversation with the. All the ladies at Comedy Central were 51 year old ladies. And I was like. They were like, adam, what is an ookie cookie? Well, it means different things to different people. But I do know this ookie is not on anybody's no fly list. I mean, you know, fcc, you can say ookie all day long and of course, cookie. I mean, what's better than a cookie? So, you know, I'd be talking to Debbie Liebling going, well, you can say Okie cookie. I mean, that much we know. I don't know if we can show one of the lads eating an ookie cookie that might be, you know, crossing the line. But she'd be arguing no ookie cookie. And we'd be like, well, let us just show the cookie, but not ookied. And she'd be like. And then she'd be like, well, let me go down the hall and run it down one of the lawyers. Talk to the lawyer about it. Like, all right, well get back to us pretty quick on this ookie cookie thing because we're running this thing and you have these things. Well, if you run it for the audience, because we're taping two shows tonight, can we edit out the Okie cookie? If it Standards and practices? Well, it might be tough to carve the Okie cookie out of. And it's like two adults on a 22 minute conference call about the ookie cookie.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

The cookie, as ookie as it may be.

[Adam Carolla]

My entire life was arguing about that kind of stuff with some. And by the way, nothing amounts to anything. Like, you have these super heated arguments that go on for sometimes days on and off, and then you blink your eyes and 12 years passes and no one gives a fuck. No one brings it up.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think anyone gave a fuck back then.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody gave a fuck back then either. It was just somebody was getting paid a lot to pretend like they gave a fuck and you were going to get into an argument with them. All right, we will bring arnaz J out first. Dherbs.com oh, man, I've been on this. I've been on the herbs, man. I've been on the herb. I got the packs right back there. They got a full body cleanse. And the thing I like about These guys, number one, selling cleanse online for 10 years, by the way. So I met with these guys and I talk with these guys and it's like, you know, that stupid cayenne pepper and the honey and the water and you got to walk around. They said, no, our cleanse, you just eat the herbs, you can eat raw food. You can eat, you know, like eat raw nuts, eat vegetables, eat salads, eat that. You can't go to Burger King. You eat the herbs, you eat the raw nuts, you eat the raw food.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

But Burger King's not part of the raw diet.

[Adam Carolla]

Not part of the raw. The king is not part of the raw diet. But I was like, this is something. I've been doing it for three days now, and I feel great because I would feel like hell if I was just drinking pepper water. But I'm eating handfuls of cashews and carrot sticks.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Real food.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, real food. And boy, had some pretty colossal Dukes. Anyway. Dherbs.d h e r b s dherbs.com. just go online, check them out. Use the promo code Adam at checkout. Get a discount for my listeners. Or you can check them out by picking up the first phone. 866-4-D-HERBS. Go online, check them out, see what these guys are all about. But I'm digging this stuff right now. All right, let's see. Got a couple of phone calls. Arnaz J's waiting out there. Let's bring Arnaz in. We'll take a few phone calls. We'll do the news. All that after.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

It'S time for Nicaraguan. Name that movie with Adam's buddy Oswaldo. See if you can guess which scary movie this famous line is from.

[Adam Carolla]

Yuri.

[Brian Bishop]

Mother, suck and heal.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

If you said the Exorcist, your mother.

[Adam Carolla]

Sucks and hell, you're correct. Now back to the show. A little Halloween theme. I like that. Ernest Jay in studio. Stand up special. Racially motivated. Available now on Netflix and itunes and Amazon. And you know what to do. Get it from Amazon and click through our banner man show a little love. Also, live dates coming up, and I'll give you those in a second. Good to see you, Arness.

[Brian Bishop]

Good to see you, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I'm reading here that you used to play on the Harlem Globetrotters before you injured your knee. Yeah. Yeah. How did that go? And I've taken my kids to see the Harlem Globe.

[Brian Bishop]

I injured my knee, Adam. How do you think it went? I injured my damn knee.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you get on the Harlem Globetrotters?

[Brian Bishop]

You know, the story is that Manny Jackson, who was the owner of the Harlem Globetrotters, actually called me at my house, and I thought it was somebody playing a joke. And I just wasn't in the mood that day, so I hung up on him twice. So then my agent called and said, you know, what are you doing? You know, it's Manny Jackson from the Globetrotters calling. I said, well, first of all, y' all should have called me. You don't just get a man my number, and I don't care who he is. So they called him back, and he said he had seen me actually doing A celebrity basketball game. And just like the way I was clowning and moved around and asked me, you know, he said, well, you look like you can play a little bit now.

[Adam Carolla]

You're doing standup at this point in your career? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, I was doing standup.

[Adam Carolla]

And so you're doing stand up. Because I always fear most of the jocks do their jock thing. They blow their knee out, then they go. Then they go into show business, stand up, writing, whatever. Yeah, but you were doing the stuff before.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, and he came and got me. So what I did is I did that and tried to do some, you know, comedy, some dates to fulfill the dates that I had already. But I went to. I mean, I practiced. I mean, I actually had to try out for the team and.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes sense. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And so I was just amazed at how many people I could, you know, so called coming out of college and everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Juke.

[Brian Bishop]

And I was busting. I was busting ass. Let's keep it real.

[Adam Carolla]

So you must have been a pretty good high school player.

[Brian Bishop]

I was all right. I was a baseball player. I'm a baseball and football player. I just did basketball. Just recreational.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, being a baseball and a football player primarily in high school, but then being called to play in the Harlem Globetrotters is pretty insane.

[Brian Bishop]

It is because I didn't. Me personally, you, me nor God thought I was going to ever play with the Holland Gold truck. And what made it so such an honor? I play with Sweet Lou Dunbar, who's one of the originals of the one that throws the Scott hook from half court two years before he retired.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a surprisingly fun outing. I mean, you got to have kids, otherwise you're just a weirdo if you're sitting there 48, wearing the jewelry.

[Brian Bishop]

But I'll tell you, Adam, let's just keep it real. It's more than the kids. I have never seen that many moms look good, try to come in looking good at a basketball game before. I had never seen nothing like that before.

[Adam Carolla]

It's insane. They go to the Staples Center. They draw great. I mean, it's still 100 years on. I mean, they're coming on to their hundredth year. 90th, I think their 90th or 100th year anniversary.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

My parents took me to see when I was a kid, Oakland Coliseum.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I went to see him when I was in. In Florida and in Texas. I mean, and as a kid, your eyes stayed lit. I mean, it's just the most phenomenal thing that you'll see. One of the Most phenomenal things that you actually see as a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember saying to my son, you work hard, you focus, because he's got a pretty. He's got a pretty good shot. And one day you could play for the Washington Generals. You fucking loser. Get out of my face. Go get Daddy another Heineken.

[Brian Bishop]

You said that about your son, cuz. I was gonna say the confidence you got.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no way. This guy's. I mean, the thing about it is you. It's that sort of thing where in order to be a funny pianist, you need to be a virtuoso pianist in order then to go make that a funny act. Exactly. These guys I watch in, I don't know, big country and. Oh, not big country. Oh, man. Who's the guy from Louisiana who's in it? It's not big.

[Brian Bishop]

Playing for who?

[Adam Carolla]

The Glob Trotters? Yeah.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Pete Marovich.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, no. Big country was Brian Reeves. Yeah, that was the big white dude who played in it. Whatever. But.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, Eric Montross.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we'll find it. It's the guy. Greg. It's the guy. Yes, the guy out of. The guy out of Louisiana. The guys in.

[Brian Bishop]

I know you're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to call him Big Country. But. But it's something. Big Easy. Big Easy.

[Brian Bishop]

Big Easy. Okay, Big Easy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the big guy. But are there. And then we'll only do another 25 minutes on the Globetrotter. Is there more than one Globetrotter team?

[Brian Bishop]

There is now. I mean, there's an A team and a B team now, but when I played. No, we just had the A. We just had the A team. Matter of fact, I played with a guy called Orlando Antigua, who was the first Puerto Rican player to be. Came out of Pittsburgh. Came out of the. I was the first Puerto Rican player to play with the Globetrotter. So that was interesting. He was this little bitty white dude. I guess he used to play with the Globetrotters many, many years ago. Dude. He was at some of the practice, he always had a suitcase in his hand and had an old throwback Harlem Globetrotter uniform on. I said, man, if that's what it does to you, I said, let me just quit this contract right now. Cause I don't want to. I don't want to be that way.

[Adam Carolla]

You blew your knee out. You went and continued to do standup.

[Brian Bishop]

I went back to comedy because 1. And what made it so bad when I blew the knee out, actually kind of blew both of them out almost at the same time. Spontaneously.

[Adam Carolla]

So no more Globetrot rotting for you.

[Brian Bishop]

I was pretty much done. I went into pimping after that.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you start doing standup at what age?

[Brian Bishop]

I started doing stand up. I've been doing stand up for going on 19 years now. So. 19 years from how old I am now. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me check your dental records.

[Brian Bishop]

Really, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Out of high school? I'm guessing out of high school.

[Brian Bishop]

Actually, no. In high school, I was a flight attendant.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. That's what I wanted to ask you.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I really don't like talking about, but go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you brought it up. Let's talk about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. I was Air Mac, too. Yeah. You know, I never did things the same as everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

What plane? Well, I find people who gravitate toward comedy, if they end up with a job or they're having to make any kind of announcement, that announcement gets longer every week and eventually turns into a.

[Brian Bishop]

Routine like a show. Well, me personally, you know, I think because I love people so much and I don't have a color barrier, that's one of the reasons why my comedy special is called racially motivated.

[Adam Carolla]

It.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not so much as the race. It's the cultures that I encountered all through my life. You know, I'm an army brat. My father did two terms in Vietnam. So I'm from that era to where when I was a flight attendant, dude, I seen everything. And wherever I went is how I would do the announcements. You know, it just depends. Like, if I was in. If I went to Los Angeles, I'd be like, Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard flight number 587. Going to the beautiful city of Los Angeles, California. If I go to San Francisco. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Just welcome me out so much. Oh, my God. You know what, honey? I love what you're wearing sitting that seat right there. It's close to everyone, you know, so it just depend on where I would go. I go to south. Hey, look here. Tell you what, this plane right here. Drink what you want to, feel what you want to, but keep your eyes closed so there ain't no witnesses.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm brimming with confidence as I buckle into my seat. So what airline did you work for?

[Brian Bishop]

Continental Airlines. Yeah, I can say that now because they don't exist. I stole a lot. Yeah, I had a. All we had a. You know. You know the movie Soul Plane?

[Adam Carolla]

We, we.

[Brian Bishop]

We actually had.

[Adam Carolla]

I got on Black Ray.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we also. We also had. We also had an all black crew. You did yeah, we had an all black crew, including the pilots that we all tried to fly together all the time. We had one white girl we called 9 Nestle's White Chocolate. Oh my God, man, you talking about having fun? It was unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

And all that tight. White guy's gonna do the Tuskegee flight again.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I guess this flight's gonna be late again.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, I'm just keeping it real. There was more drunk passengers.

[Adam Carolla]

That is not funny. That is not funny. It is a lot of Courvoisier going around. Yeah, we can't all black. Wait a minute. Pilot. I would be a fan.

[Brian Bishop]

Black. Let me tell you something. The pilot was black. I mean, everybody's black for one. Except for one white girl and her name was Martha. And we called her Nestle's White Chocolate. And she just at that time happened to like black guy, thank God. And so we.

[Adam Carolla]

She didn't have a choice.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, really, Basically. But we flew what is called the airbus, which seats 272passengers. And we had a bar up in the front. And man, when I tell you we used to have the ghetto blaster up front, man, there were passengers giving, getting drunk, everything, everything.

[Adam Carolla]

There's, you know, it's weird, cause there's. I always say this. The sweetest zone to be in in life is mid Coke. Pre aids, back when coke was like, good for you. If you threw a party, well, where's the coke? Well, you invited some very important people over, put a mound of coke out on the coffee table, and then AIDS kind of fucked everything up. But I think the next aids, the next generation, and it's like somebody came.

[Brian Bishop]

In and made an announcement, Announcement at the party.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it fucked everything up. There's AIDS going around. Get rid of the coke, get rid of that drink, take a Fresca. Everyone put their dick back in their pants and back out to the car. Now the next one will be pre 9 11. Yeah, because there was a society pre 9 11, where, you know, I used to take flights where the. Where the pilot would be like, you want to come up, check out the cockpit? Come on. Check out the Loveline. Hey, man, show. Come on up here, man, hang out. This is cool.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, your family would meet you at the gate.

[Adam Carolla]

Family meets you at the gate. I mean, I was talking to the guy, he flew F4s in Vietnam.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And we were just talking. I'm like literally sitting in the co pilots. You know, the plane was on the ground, but I was just having a. Talking to the guy about his Vietnam flying days and flying F4 is the most badass fighter plane you had to fly that ever. It was a very hard plane to fly, but also just the. I would call it the great white shark of fighter planes. Like, you know when you just look at a great white shark and you go, God, that creepy.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't want to see it coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Scary. Yeah. And like stealth fighters and bombers and stuff, they all look, you know, it's cool. But this was the scariest looking of them. And I talked to the guy and the door would be open and you'd see the guy like in mid flight, like, get. Come back, take a piss, chat up the stewardess.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Have a drink and go back into the thing, which is a. It was pre 9 11. Better time.

[Brian Bishop]

My club was hot still, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you up there in first class?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I was a first class flight attendant, as a matter of fact.

[Adam Carolla]

How much better is that gig than the flight attendant in the back of the.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it. I'm going tell you something and you really feel to me like you had a lot of prestige because back then when I was a flight attendant, they were serving Chateau Brion in the first class, all the different liqueurs, you know, And I did a full service that was just unbelievable because I'm a cook anyway, so I used to do a service that was just unbelievable. And all that. Southwest Airline ruined it for everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. When you got on the plane with Southwest Airlines. So what are we having today? A thought and one peanut. So all the other airlines took suit. To save money, they started canceling out meals.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

There's gotta be a Division 1 football player named Chateaubriand Brion, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, absolutely. How dare you. That is offensive.

[Brian Bishop]

Really.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Ball playing. The odds.

[Brian Bishop]

Really. Sorry. Shout to beyond.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Could be a French guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

How do we know he's a quarterback?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Steve. Just because you've been hanging on for a million years. Steve from New Jersey, he was from Joy. I guess he's gone now.

[Brian Bishop]

I've seen these two guys from Boston fighting the other day out on the road, man. It's the funnest thing I ever seen in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

What a charity.

[Brian Bishop]

It was more like, oh, yeah, take that hajime there. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, take this right in the car there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Suck my ball.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, whatever. What is it about? I've always said this about Boston guys, and now I know a lot of them. I grew up in North Hollywood. I never met one human being from Boston. No one left North Hollywood. No one showed up. But I realized Bill Simmons went, yeah, Boston Guys I have never met blue collar, that is that smart. Now what I'm saying is this white collar you don't have to worry about because they may carve you up with their tongue, but they're not gonna kick your ass. Their insurance won't allow it and whatever. And then there's blue collar guys from many parts of the country who are just like, hey, fuck you, you fucking douche. And yeah, douche dude, suck, suck dick. You such a dick sucking douche, you. It's. You ought to come over there and your douche up, you dick sucker for doucheville.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna have that on.

[Adam Carolla]

They got nothing. They got nothing. Boston guys, uneducated. Boston, blue collar. Boston are fucking wordsmiths.

[Brian Bishop]

They are so.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, it's like in. It's like they're like Bond villains. It's like when super geniuses take their fucking smarts and use it for evil.

[Brian Bishop]

And I don't understand how they're able to come up the words, the wording that they do. Like the one guy just, you know, out of nowhere, I guess they're. They're semi swinging. I don't know what they're doing. But then they fight, talking, you know, I guess they're swinging it. Yeah, yeah. Well, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You think that hurts?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You fat fucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. They're all Eminem is what they are like. They're stupid guys with no education who can carve you up at their tongue. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And they, and they, and they're good at it. They're real good at. You know what? You are right?

[Adam Carolla]

They don't have that Nebraska or you know, New Jersey or North Hollywood. Those are just big Llama. No, but those guys will just come over and punch you.

[Brian Bishop]

But you Nebraska, I don't know how you do Nebraska. That's a whole different.

[Adam Carolla]

But they can't talk. They can't. They got no game.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't do too much talking in the breast.

[Adam Carolla]

No. They do punching?

[Brian Bishop]

No, they do more like lynching. Tell you what. See you in a minute. That's all they say.

[Allison Rosen]

And then what happens?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's usually gunfire after that you gotta run.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Arnaz J is with us. He's doing some stand up. Suncoast Casino in Las Vegas. That's coming up November 1st and 2nd. San Jose Improv. I think we'll be there soon enough as well. And Ontario Improv, November 28th through the 30th. Arnaz, we're gonna do a little news. You want to just hang in and crack.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm actually loving this, if you don't mind.

[Adam Carolla]

I do not mind at all. It'll be our pleasure.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

The news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up so sign it off with zip, It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Some news about Bill Maher, who we were talking about recently. He is the 2014 fall commencement speaker at Berkeley, and there's a petition going around to have him removed as commencement speaker. It was a petition on change.org and what it said is, quote, bill Maher is a blatant bigot and racist who has no respect for the value of UC Berkeley students and administration stand for. In a time where climate is a priority for all on campus, we cannot invite an individual who himself perpetuates a dangerous learning environment. Bill Maher's public statements on various religions and cultures are offensive, and his dangerous rhetoric has found its way into our campus communities. And then the petition points to a recent episode of Real Time, the one where Ben Affleck appeared.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

However. And over 4,000 people signed the petition. However, Berkeley has responded and said that they're not going to rescind the invitation to him. And here's a statement, quote, the UC Berkeley administration cannot and will not accept this decision, which appears to have been based solely on Mr. Marr's opinions and beliefs, which he conveyed through constitutionally protected speech. It should be noted that this decision does not constitute. Oh, here's where they backpedal a little. This decision does not constitute an endorsement of any of Mr. Marr's prior statements. Indeed, the administration position on Mr. Maher's opinions and perspectives is irrelevant in this context, since we fully respect and support his right to express them.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Well, you know what they said?

[Brian Bishop]

Suck my ball off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, whatever. Jesus Christ. First off, speaking of climate, no one's more into climate. The idea that now colleges are wanting to blackball Bill Maher. This fucking. This. This fucking horse has gotten so fucking far out of the barn, it's insane. Now the PC police have gone nuts. This guy's an atheist who's never stopped championing the whole climate change thing. Who couldn't be further left and more in your, you know, legalized gay marriage, weed. I mean, there's every single topic this guy comes up with.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't understand where the racist part came. I was weird. I was listening to it.

[Allison Rosen]

Racist against Muslims, I think.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, okay, okay, well, you know, What Muslims? They were touchy on me. And me of all people, because Berkeley was no. Some Muslims. And a lot of them came to my defense. But I posted a picture of two Islamic women that got on my flight when I was coming from Atlanta, Georgia, to Los Angeles. And they, you know, they caught a tip about it because I posted a picture of them and I said, really? But okay. But it was on September 11, and both of them were fully covered. Getting on my plane. How do you want me to act? Yeah, baby, think about it. How do you want me to sit there calm, like ain't nothing getting ready to happen.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

There goes the commencement address at birth.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, y' all act like y'.

[Adam Carolla]

All.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's what kills me. This is the United States of America, number one, last, foremost. This is the place for the land of opportunity. Okay? We don't mind. I don't mind anybody making a better way of life for their family and for their kids and for their children, but don't come to the United States and talk about us like we ain't. If you don't like the way we live, take your monkey ass back to wherever you came from. See other black people.

[Adam Carolla]

We didn't have a choice.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we didn't have a choice. They came and got us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

We were minding our own business, hunting berries and, and riding giraffes. We had, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

And then somebody said, there's a new club on the boat and there's a DJ on there playing shackles on your feet.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

So we didn't have a choice.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, look, I'm getting, I'm getting tired of everyone beating the shit out of this country, too. I've never said we don't need to improve. I just feel like, compared to what. And everybody's coming here for a reason. It's sort of like, it's basically. It's like everybody. Look at it this way. This is the country that said, look, there may be. We're an earthquake country. I'll give you an example. It's like, there's a big. We're living in earthquake country. So this country says, you know what we should do? Let's stockpile some water. Let's put some canned goods away. Let's make sure we have flashlights with fresh batteries and plenty of dried food to eat, and then plenty stockpiled so we have enough. So if there is a big earthquake, we'll be ready.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And everyone else around us went, fuck it. Let's have a beer. There'll never be an Earthquake. Then the earthquake hit and then everyone came over to our house because their house was on fire. Didn't have any water, they had no flashlights, they had nothing to eat. So they just came to our house. So then they came over to our house and we let them in. We went, we want to help. We want to help.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, pro earthquake garb.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And they showed up and we went, would you like some water? Yeah, do you have a. Do you have a. Do you have a sparkling? No, no, it's just bottled water. Just straight. Oh, no sparkling. No, but you should be happy that I'm offering you water at all. Well, this recon constituted. Food's a little bit dry, don't you think? It's a little bit dry. It's like. Yeah, but you understand your house is on fire. Yeah. And now you're talking shit about my house. And I open the fucking door and let you into my house. And I'd like to help.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

And what I would like is for everyone to get along and help out with the chores and all that. But now you owe. A group of people from one street has broken off and is pissed off at me because my food is not right. And then I fucking fired back and said, you guys need to get your shit together. And now there's an argument, but it's all taking place in my living room. Yeah, it's all in the living room. And Bill Maher is doing nothing more than saying Muslims, a certain percentage, a higher percentage than other religions, needs to get itself under control. Cuz people are getting killed out there and everyone's turning them into a fucking communist.

[Brian Bishop]

And we don't know which way to go, you understand? We don't know which way to look. I mean, I got some friends who are Muslims, okay? But at the same time, I always say that too. No, no, I really do. But you have to understand, something did happen that included the Muslim faith. And then on September 11, which, like on my flight, you have to understand, we are. That's like somebody just came in your house and killed somebody in your house. Okay? Then another person that has nothing to do with killing, but he walked in your house. You really don't know him. You are going to be leery that he might do the same thing the other person did.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you. The thing is, look, Bill Maher's not the enemy. He's trying to start a dialogue. And I think Bill Maher is calling it like he sees them. And when it comes to gay marriage, he's calling it as he sees it. When it comes to legalization of marijuana, he's calling it as he sees it. When he's talking about corrupt governments, he's calling it as he sees it. It. But then when he calls it as he sees it. On this topic, he must be stifled. He's got to shut his face about, really. Out of 10 topics, there's one where he still calls it as he sees it. And now he's got to be run out of town.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

And isn't it crazy, sad, and a little bit ironic that it's happening at Berkeley? The tip of the spear of free speech and protest and all those things. And if you say something we don't agree with, you can't. You're. Is that you think it's a generational thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's insanely ironic that the people who never stop beating the drum of, hey, you be you. I be me. You have your opinion, I have my opinion. Let your freak flag fly. Like, say what you want. Do what you want. Live your life. You can't judge. I can't judge. Nobody can judge. And then you say something they disagree with, and they're like, get this person thrown off the ass. They need to pull the plug.

[Allison Rosen]

It does suck that it happened at Berkeley, but here, I'm Ben Affleck. I forget who I am in this scenario. Let's not say it's all Berkeley students, because it's 4,000 signatures. But Berkeley's huge.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm glad they stepped up and said, no, he's gonna speak, but then there's gonna be some booing at the thing and some weirdness.

[Brian Bishop]

You should want him to come to be able to understand where his brain is at and to give him a little bit of where yours is at. You don't. You know, just because you want to change something, you don't deter it away. Sometimes you got to bring it in. If there was a KKK member that want to come over to my house and eat dinner, I would let him come. What do you think? So I can pick his brain?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I don't know any.

[Brian Bishop]

I got pee and pig pee.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you know, Twitter's. I got a pretty big Twitter following.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what we gonna be cooking. And some collards.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask this about black people in food.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you're racist.

[Adam Carolla]

No, hold on. I mean, yes, it's kind of. Yeah, but hold on. Take this in spirit which it's intended. I've said this about my Jewish friends. They're not daredevils. They're not chance takers. There's not a lot, like, when you go to the X Games, it's not like, next on the big vert ramp, we got Hyman Goldberg. There's no Jewish Evil Knievel. They're not. But when it comes to eating, they stunt eat. They gelatinize fish, they eat brains. They eat fucking liver, chicken liver, everything. All the fucking weird, weird shit that we would never, ever eat. Because to the goyim like Brian and I, it's yucky, it's weird. I don't want a chicken liver omelet. I want a Denver omelette. But then other than that, they're very careful, plotted people who, you know, they take care of everything. It's a weird thing to coexist. Let me say this about my black friends, okay?

[Brian Bishop]

Because you really went there on that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Brian Bishop]

So come on, Adam, give it to me and be.

[Adam Carolla]

Go for it. I was doing a little work in Inglewood, I think. No, no, I was in. Where is it? South Central. I was in South Central. I was in a BlackBerry. I was refurbishing a house that was in Compton.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And I went out to the side of the house, I saw the trash can, and there must have been 152 liter bottles of Shaq's pineapple soda that were piled up.

[Brian Bishop]

You mean Shasta?

[Adam Carolla]

Shaqsta. Shasta. We gotta get Shaq. No, this was like, Shaq. Shaquille o'. Neal.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you serious?

[Adam Carolla]

I think he's put his name on a pineapple soda. Yes. Okay. And an insane thing to eat. And we were. When we were. When Jimmy and I were shooting with the Bishop Don Magic Wan, the great spiritual leader of the black community, Bishop Don Magic Wand at his house was Snoop Dogg many years ago. We walked in and these guys had enough fried shit in that fucking living room to kill, really, all of Israel. You could have taken out the entire country of Israel, the nation of Israel, with what was in that fried bucket that these guys had that. So on one hand, it's pineapple soda and fried food. You know, it's a yummy thing. It's like, I. We. It's a hard to say that in general, black folk like yummy food, like drinks and things like that. You know, less the martinis and more the, you know, the vodka that tastes like cotton candy or something like that. You know what I mean? All right, I shouldn't have said cotton. But the point is this. The point is this.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't hold back at them.

[Adam Carolla]

They got a yummy jean. I'D say. I'd say a yummy gene. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm with you.

[Adam Carolla]

White people don't drink pineapple soda, as far as I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Not really.

[Adam Carolla]

Not as much. Not, Not. Not to accept. I gotta see if Shaq endorses that. All right, but then you're doing the whole pig's foot thing and then the whole collard greens thing and all this stuff that tastes like. To whitey. That's a lot of range.

[Brian Bishop]

Not. Not. Not necessarily. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna give you. I'm. I'm gonna educate you.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of stuff you eat is super shitty tastes, too. So which is it?

[Brian Bishop]

Educated.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

About to educate you. As we were slaves back in the day, we were not. You know, of course, white people in general fed us what they wanted to feed us. And so rather than the pig, they would give us the pig guts to eat, right? We turned it into what's now called chitlings, right? So we took what we had as survival and made our own dishes with which a lot of people eat now.

[Adam Carolla]

So the whitey killed the pig. He didn't need the feet, right?

[Brian Bishop]

So he cut the feet off, give.

[Marlon Wayans]

Us the hooves, right?

[Brian Bishop]

So that's all we had to eat. So that became generational. And the reason why I'm saying that it depends on how things are cooked, because a long time ago, I used to work with JC Penney's, and in JC Penney's, we had what is called a potluck lunch, and I cooked pig feet, pig ears, and collard greens. God, I've been cooking for a long time, and I brought that to the podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Is everybody sitting down? The black guy brought. Are you sitting? Are you sitting down? Collard greens, pig's ears, and pig's feet. Is that right? Yes, sir.

[Brian Bishop]

Cooked in onions, cooked in. I mean, crock. Matter of fact, crock pot, meaning cooked overnight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Summarized tender.

[Adam Carolla]

You got it.

[Brian Bishop]

When I came in. When I came in at lunch break, both of car parks were empty. And I worked mainly majority, 97% white, flushed and all. I kept getting all the word was going around what was in those two pots that was delicious.

[Allison Rosen]

How did they feel when they found out?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. Are you serious?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like this. See, I feel like the Mexicans got it right, or at least they're more consistent than we are, which is they do like the churros and the horchata and the yummy shit, but then they don't dabble. I know.

[Brian Bishop]

What a Batman.

[Adam Carolla]

I know there's menudo, but that's about it. That's about it. Everything else is just a bunch of beef and cheese and tortillas.

[Brian Bishop]

But I will tell you this, though, on that fact. A lot of now, I wouldn't say you're more educated, but if that's how you're more affluent. Affluent black that have gone to maybe a different level in life, we don't eat that. We don't really eat that type of food.

[Adam Carolla]

No more pigs feet.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just. No, because it's not in. Because we're trying to live longer because blacks suffer from diabetes and hypertension and, you know, high blood pressure. So we're trying to get away from the salty type foods. But to answer that question that you asked, the reason that we cook those, because a lot of times that's all we were given, so we had to. To make it taste a certain way. And a lot of. A lot of white people, like, wouldn't eat. Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes sense.

[Marlon Wayans]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, me personally, I'm not gonna eat roughage. Okay. I mean, that ain't gonna happen. You know, I'm not gonna eat beets.

[Adam Carolla]

That ain't gonna happen.

[Brian Bishop]

What about with cotton cheese and goat cheese? Really? That's not gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to just.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, so, yeah, so, yeah, yeah, yeah. Be black weekend. So it'd be a great.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's make it a three day.

[Brian Bishop]

What is your favorite food? What is your favorite food?

[Adam Carolla]

Food.

[Brian Bishop]

Your number one favorite food.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the favorite part about the food is the fact where you're switching it up all the time. But, you know, I'd say if you were to just sort of. I think if you said. And this is an interesting thing, if you were, like, away on some island where you had to eat barnacles for a year, and then you just came back and they said you get to order the first thing you order. I think I. And many people would want an In N Out burger. I'll send a hamburger. I think that was.

[Laura Ingraham]

Would.

[Adam Carolla]

That would do it.

[Brian Bishop]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

But lasagna, I mean, it's all good. It's not the pigs.

[Brian Bishop]

But you have to also realize white people, like you were saying about Jewish people, they're not as daring as the average American white person. Like, you ain't gonna see black people bungee jumping. That just ain't gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but though.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just not gonna happen there. It's not gonna happen, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, but. But I see him doing many things. Like what? I see him running in the NFL and putting their Head down and busting through, you know, 10 guys that are jumping on them at once.

[Brian Bishop]

You see us swimming with sharks?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No.

[Brian Bishop]

Who do you see swimming with sharks? Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Whitey. Okay, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Who do you see jumping off a mountain with a kite?

[Adam Carolla]

Whitey.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

You said kite, right? Yeah. Okay, good.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Check the tape on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know what you say. Whitey. Whitey.

[Brian Bishop]

Who you see, in a way, but who's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point.

[Allison Rosen]

White. Why do you think that is?

[Brian Bishop]

Because. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'll tell you why. Whitey. Can I tell you why whitey is?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you're thrill seekers. No, but you won't eat pig feet.

[Brian Bishop]

But you'll jump off a mountain in a.

[Allison Rosen]

Because I'm a non zipliner as well.

[Brian Bishop]

Who jumps in a. In an iced. Is that Attack creation in an iced.

[Adam Carolla]

Lake with underwear on. Stupid. On reality shows, all white, Whitey, whitey, whitey, whitey, whitey. Why the Jews and the black are sitting there eating weird fish and laughing the whole time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're eating snapper.

[Adam Carolla]

Eating the filter.

[Brian Bishop]

We're talking about y'.

[Adam Carolla]

All. Can I tell you why?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, tell me why whitey does this?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you why. I formed this thought many years ago when I was doing Loveline, which is when I would talk to any dominatrix and she would tell me who she'd be beating on. And I would always think, what guy would give you $500 so you could lick their boot? And, you know, he would lick your boot, and you would swat them and treat him like a dog and stuff like that. I said, none of my friends would go up for that Bullshit. We'd pay 500 bucks. We want to get our dick sucked. We don't want to lick your boot. You know, what the fuck? And then I realized, oh, no, that's the realm of whitey. That's rich. Whitey, that's in power all the time. Now, what we do, the reason Whitey's into thrill seeking is because we're sitting around and we're looking around and we're going, well, we're not worried about diabetes or the cops shooting us or, you know, stray bullets in the inner city or gang violence or any of that bullshit. We're not worried about any of that. We got no. We have no predators in the wild. We have nothing to do. We must satiate this part that gets our adrenaline going. You know, for you, it's just a walk to the liquor store in the Hood for us. You're right. We live in a place where there's no bullets flying. There's just papers flying. There's nothing going on. Yeah, you're right. We go, God, we got it. We need something because everybody has that thing, our old reptilian brain, which is we have to have this sort of fight or flight thing going. And we're not gonna get it walking to school, but we are gonna get it. If we put this bungee cord on our ankle and jump off this suspension bridge, that will give us. And then we'll go back to our super lily white safe neighborhood in our car with 18 airbags.

[Brian Bishop]

And then here's the other thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Thing.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys will do something, you won't learn from it. Like the guy that was bungee jumping and smack his face on a rock. Oh, yeah, he was doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Two weeks later, I just saw a whole thing on, you know, espn. Whatever. It's like, well, he broke his neck. That was three years ago. Now we've hooked a special cord up to his wheelchair, and we're rolling him with a ramp off the fucking bridge. He's like. He's. I'm living my life. You couldn't kill yourself the first time. So you're not gonna. Gary, find me that shit.

[Brian Bishop]

And I would.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's Shaq's pineapple soda? Am I just making that up?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I would love to.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a thing. Yeah.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Arizona, like, made their sodas. The Shaq branding of, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary, why is it taking two years for you to find. All right, now find me the guy in the wheelchair. We'll see if he's Jewish or black.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why white people didn't drink Kool Aid. Black people used to drink sugar. Then the Kool Aid, we put one whole package of that GM sugar and one little small pack of Kool Aid. So you're right about the sweet effect. We like sweet things. We like salty things. But now, us. You know, I now call that. Just my opinion. I call that ghetto black. And I'm from the ghetto. But, you know, I don't live in that environment anymore, so I don't eat the same number one.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm telling you, I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of vegetarians that live in a ghetto or on section 8. No, I don't know any.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't either. I do know.

[Brian Bishop]

And a special announcement to all black people that do get food stamps. Stop ordering. Stop getting steaks with your food stamps.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? The bungee jumper is a guy. He's in a wheelchair.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And he rolled. All right, now, what's Shaq got? What do we got there? We got blueberry cream, strawberry cream, vanilla.

[Allison Rosen]

Cream, and orange, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm still looking for.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

I make this shit up.

[Allison Rosen]

He's got four different expressions on each.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm gonna call him, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Allison Rosen]

Your buddies with him.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

A root beer is a diet soda. Compared to that, that is technically diet soda. Compared to Shaq's orange cream. Yeah, that and the pineapple soda. I mean, that there's retelling 2 billion calories.

[Brian Bishop]

I bet you any amount of money, any amount of money, that soda itself probably has anywhere between 32 to 64 grams of sugar.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know Shaq, right? Yeah, you should tell Shaq.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, I'm going to tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

You're killing the black community.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a businessman.

[Adam Carolla]

We'd be better off bungee jumping.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. Say that again.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a businessman. No, I understand. I understand. He's a businessman.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't care if they kill off their young.

[Adam Carolla]

He's fucking. Listen, I just saw him in. He's in every Adam Sandler movie now. And he's better than Adam Sandler. That's true. All right, I'm sorry. What was it? What story? About Shaq?

[Allison Rosen]

No, that was about Bill Maher.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Bill Maher. Oh, I feel like that's a lot of range. Yeah, we just went from Bill Maher to Shaq. Hey.

[Brian Bishop]

But it's all. It's all good and true now.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw this. Now, Gary, this is, I think, an ESPN story about a guy. The guy's probably 50, paraplegic, hooked his wheelchair up to a bungee cord and shoved him off that bridge.

[Brian Bishop]

He was white. Don't you dare say he was black.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, you have a guy that's how old looks? 30. Maybe he's 30. You know, the chair can age you. Yeah, I know. You gotta find the story. But the guy went back. You know? By the way, when you go back to the place that almost killed you, no need to conquer the bridge. It's not like the bridge is like, hey, where's the guy I made put in a wheelchair?

[Brian Bishop]

You need closure.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Where's the one that got away?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not like the bridge is talking shit. Like, if you do something, whether it's a bull or a bridge, you know, if you roll a car in a certain intersection, you don't have to keep going back to that intersection. It's cool. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

That's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll put it to you this way. If your second wife tries to stab you in your sleep, you don't need to get back with her. Just move on.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a good one.

[Allison Rosen]

Let the bridge have the last.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's always driving over it, drunk people are pissing off it. It has a horrible life. Leave it alone. Yeah, it's out in the elements. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

What's her name that. What was her name that cut her husband's dinghy? Ding.

[Adam Carolla]

Lorena Bobbitt.

[Brian Bishop]

And he went back to her for a moment.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, did he?

[Adam Carolla]

I think he just wanted his cock.

[Allison Rosen]

I left something here.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, yeah, look.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it in the closet? Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it in the kitchen sink? Oh, did you at least clean it? Is it in the dishwasher?

[Adam Carolla]

Keep the fucking insinkerator off. All right, let's do one more. What else do you think?

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Well, as everyone listens to this, it'll be Halloween. The official Halloween. Although we've already discussed the fact that everyone seems to have done their Halloweening this past weekend. But actual Halloween Friday. And in case you're wondering, whatever. Will I dress my baby up as the same company that brought us the sexy Ebola containment suit has a pot leaf costume for a baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Really?

[Deaf Frat Guy (DFG)]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

It's just $29.99. Baby marijuana costume is what it's called.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Are they home based in Denver?

[Allison Rosen]

It says this baby marijuana plant costume is just the right combo of cute and edgy that is sure to get stares and laughs from everyone.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Almost sold out.

[Allison Rosen]

So maybe it's knowing. Maybe it's like it's all fucking unknowingly.

[Adam Carolla]

Shits and giggles until Doug Benson tries to eat your kid. Come here. Get in my mouth. Giant pot leaf that giant leaf is making. It's getting away. He's running. Big thing of pineapple soda under his arm. He's gonna eat the thing.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Shacks.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't decide how I feel about this. Maybe I just don't really have a strong feeling.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I don't. I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like parents using their unwitting kids to make a statement when they're like, they don't like whatever. Whatever the cause is. Right or left, don't dress your kid.

[Allison Rosen]

Up like a tiny rocker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or just that. No, that I'm making a social. This is a parent that's sort of Making a social statement, I think with their. Using their 4 year old. Except for your 4 year old May not be down with this.

[Allison Rosen]

Cause your 4 year old might be a tiny Alex Keaton.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yes, that's right. He may grow up to never smoke pot and have a friend who gets high and drove his car off a cliff. So now there's a bunch of pictures of him with the pot thing on. And then later on when he becomes concerned Students against Marijuana, this picture keeps popping up on his fucking social website.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that a lot. You know they got the costume. I call it the RR effect, you know, but they got the. The costume, the Halloween costume with Ray Rice of him and he's. And the costume is. Is looking like he's dragging a woman behind him.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yes.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Well, that's pretty funny.

[Adam Carolla]

That is what they have that. But it's not official outfit.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an outfit.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

No. Parents dressing their kids up buy them a little Ray Rice jersey and like a doll to drag around.

[Brian Bishop]

And it drags a doll around.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I've seen pictures of it online. Yeah, to me it's going around.

[Brian Bishop]

It's real.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I believe you.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

But I've seen little kids.

[Allison Rosen]

No, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's a.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's. That's last year and that was Ray Rice. But that was before. No. What the hell.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Yeah, it's important.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the thing too. Don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Why the butt neck? Why'd you gotta be butt naked in the bald.

[Adam Carolla]

He's wearing leggings. I think he's. In his defense, he's probably wearing what he thinks are tight football pants from the Ravens.

[Brian Bishop]

But tights. Those are men in tights.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not gonna.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

If you find the pictures of little kids, it's pretty upsetting.

[Adam Carolla]

They're little kids. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

It's obviously not their idea.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

They're like at their school costume day. It looks like they're at a playground.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What the fuck?

[Brian Bishop]

It's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

But the other thing too is.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He is possibly in blackface.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Kalos. He's got enough lamplighter on there to.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, no, but his skin is dark.

[Brian Bishop]

Like he is on crystal meth.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

He's a good looking jersey.

[Adam Carolla]

Your kids may want to run for senate one day. They may want to be mayor, they may want to be district selectman. There may be a lot of things. And there's going to be tons of pictures of them dressed up as pot or Ray Rice. They're just all over the Internet against Them. They'll use it against them.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, yeah, they'll use. They'll use it against.

[Allison Rosen]

He does look like a small Rob Ford is what he looks like.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Robin.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's just like the. I mean, dude, I gotta talk to these parents.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know where to begin with these parents.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

We should tag the kid to follow his parents.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they okay? Are they trying to start a dialogue?

[Allison Rosen]

It's consciousness awareness raising.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's an outfit for Halloween. What's consciousness? What is the consciousness about that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but that's. Then there is no School within 100 miles of where we're sitting. Where that could.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Oh, God.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, not here in la. Not in California.

[Adam Carolla]

No. We got to know where that's. That's from because there's no.

[Brian Bishop]

That's. That's got to be in a rural area.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

I wonder if that's like a Baltimore rival, like if that's in Pittsburgh or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I gotta say, on Monday Night Football, when they were interviewing, they were interviewing women, like 50 year old women who are coming into the stadium wearing the Ray Rice shirt. And it's like, wait, what he does with his girlfriend and his elevators, his.

[Allison Rosen]

Business, well, that's like the people who speak out in favor of Chris Brown.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but he can move. He can really move. Have you seen him move? Yeah, he can really move. You're right. Ray can't dance that well.

[Brian Bishop]

But he can really move. All he did was bite her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, he can move.

[Brian Bishop]

He was hungry.

[Adam Carolla]

He can move. All right, all right. This is absolutely insane. All right. Can we find Shaq's pineapple soda, or am I just making that up? We've only found those four flavors.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there's a lot of things going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you something, Shaq, then you're leaving fucking money on the table. If I'm the guy has to come up with the pineapple soda idea with your face on it, you're leaving cash on the table.

[Brian Bishop]

But you know, black people's favorite drink is Always, Always Will Be, is grape. That's our number one is grape.

[Adam Carolla]

And I feel like that was the drink. Why do you like grape, too? But then we just said, you know what? Give it, give it to the black folks. We decided that somehow we couldn't have the same favorite drink, so we just went, moved on. Yeah. And I also think pomegranate. Well, the super white, the sort of white trash I think is like Sunny D, that's our shitty white trash drink.

[Brian Bishop]

I love that Though.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's ours.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. Put a little bit of frost on it from the freezer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. That's our white trash drink drink. You.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, my good friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, who. Whose drink is high C?

[Brian Bishop]

I think that was both.

[Adam Carolla]

I shared that.

[Brian Bishop]

I think common ground.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we can all agree on high.

[Brian Bishop]

C. We can all agree on the high seat. Yeah. The little dude who used to get the high C punch. Yeah, I think we can. Yeah, we pretty much. Yeah, we pretty much like this.

[Adam Carolla]

So high seas in between. I'm gonna claim Sonny D, but that's universal. So we. And then you. You guys got Kool Aid, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. We, we, we. I'm surprised every black person didn't have. Wasn't a diabetic. We did a lot of koolaid. When you grew up in the hood. Grape and cherry Kool Aid. But grape Kool Aid, when it was four packs for a dollar went off. It would never stayed. No. Six packs for dollar never stayed on the shelves. Never that. And Craigmont. Craigmont drinks grape.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm picturing that poor black kid never had a chance. Grew up on the wrong side of tracks in Chicago. Weaned on a steady diet of Kool Aid and broken dreams. And one day just laying in his prison cell going, hey, Kool Aid, where are you?

[Marlon Wayans]

Where are you now?

[Adam Carolla]

Come through this wall, please.

[Brian Bishop]

Guy that comes through the wall with butt neck, and he's a cellmate.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I think we've done enough racial damage.

[Brian Bishop]

Not really.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we could. There's always more to do. But, you know, I got tomorrow's show.

[Brian Bishop]

I do have to say this, though, and us, as you know, have to say something.

[Marlon Wayans]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the idea that everyone devoured your pig's feet, though. And they were 97% of wine and earth.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the pig ears. I mean, seriously. I mean, I never seen white people devour, I feel.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? Were they Germans? Because Germans will go down that road.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God, that sauerkraut. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How do they eat the fucking ear? They will eat. Germans will go fucking weird with feet.

[Brian Bishop]

Hitler talked to a lot of different things.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm sorry. There's something you wanted to say.

[Brian Bishop]

I just wanted to say this. Did you see? And it makes. That's why I say black people, we ain't gonna make. Did you see the black girl that got arrested? They said she was driving a getaway.

[Adam Carolla]

Car.

[Brian Bishop]

And she said, I'm legally blind. And there was a kid involved. They arrested her and you pull up and she said, I'm legally blind. I mean, and you could tell she was blind. And so as she's walking, she's blind, telling me I'm legally blind. How could I drive a getaway car instead of doing that? So you can see. You can't see. She goes, huh? You can't see? I can partially see.

[Adam Carolla]

Was she.

[Brian Bishop]

I can see. I can see what the police told me.

[Adam Carolla]

Was she. What was she doing?

[Brian Bishop]

I guess they did a robbery. A little kid got kidnapped or something, and she was in the car, and I guess the rest of them ran. Well, of course she can't run. She's legally blind.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And they said that she was the getaway driver.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like she's gonna do pretty well in court if she's legally blind.

[Brian Bishop]

And at the end of her tag, when they're putting in the police car, first thing she says, I'm with her for a minute. Then she goes, mama, I love you, pop. Pimp for life. And I say, I'm done.

[Adam Carolla]

Chicks are pimping now.

[Brian Bishop]

I am done. We're just not gonna make it. We're not gonna make it. We're just not gonna make it.

[Adam Carolla]

Not if the white. Not. Not if the chicks are pimping.

[Brian Bishop]

That's like all black people, you know, not all black people. A lot of. Of these kids nowadays walking around with their pants, you know, halfway off their ass. You know, I got. I'm so angry with that one. It's ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you on that. Which is like, look, in life, yeah. Once you've started a small business and sold it and made a mint, go ahead and walk around with your pants wherever you like them. But if you're gonna attempt to be employed. Yeah. And other things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably pull your pants up. Up. But I would say pull your pants up long enough to get the jobs, put some money away, finish college, do whatever you want. And then at some point, when you get a bunch of f. U. Pant Money socked away, then they go ahead and drop your pants down.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think. I don't think that stuff started from prison.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a prison thing where they take the belt away.

[Brian Bishop]

I put this announcement to everybody. I put this announcement to all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can't hang yourself with the. So they take the belt, and then the ass hangs out, and then it becomes a thing.

[Brian Bishop]

And I put this to all. Everybody. I don't care what color you are or that. Like to walk around with your pants up to your knees. I hope you just walk down the street one day and just meet an unknown dick in your ass and I guarantee you'll pull your pants up then and you won't tell.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. From. From your mouth to God's ears.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry, I got a little emotional on that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I agree. May all have an unknown dick in your ass. DraftKings, baby. My listeners are winning huge cash [e-mail], america's favorite one week fantasy football site. No season long commitment. You play whenever you want. Injured players, no problem. It's a new season every week. Bald. How are you playing?

[Podcast Host/Producer]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

Me in Sacramento, Cash Creek Casino, November 8th. Doing some stand up shows us in Portland and Seattle and Anaheim, Agoura Hills, San Jose. A couple of those shows already sold out but there's still some tickets available. So go to AdamCoroll.com and check that out and go to Corolla Drinks. Have a little pineapple flavored mangria. How about that? Arnaz J. Racially motivated. Available now. Yes sir. On Netflix, itunes and Amazon and live dates. What you should do and I'm trying to look at for a website here.

[Brian Bishop]

Just go to RNSJ Comedy. Just go to RNSJ Comedy and you can get all the information on Twitter and it pulls up everything.

[Adam Carolla]

A, R, N, E Z J. Arnazj Comedy. Find out where he's going to be playing. Arnaz. Stop by anytime time of your life.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you all so much and it, it was a pleasure and I and I really appreciate y' all having me. I really do.

[Adam Carolla]

It is our pleasure. Until next time, it's Adam Crolla for the deaf brat guy. Rnsj Allison Rosen and Ball Brian. Say it. Mahalo.

[Brian Bishop]

Suck my ball off. Yeah, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. A deaf brat guy episode we had.

[Podcast Host/Producer]

Not yet played in classics. Hope you guys enjoyed that. Does for classics until 20 tomorrow and get it on.