Michael McKean + Matt Besser (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Summary of "Adam Carolla Show" Episode Featuring Michael McKean and Matt Besser (Carolla Classics) Release Date: August 10, 2025

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Welcome to Carolla Classics, a companion podcast to The Adam Carolla Show, where Adam revisits memorable moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips from his extensive 16-year podcasting career. In this episode, Adam hosts the talented Michael McKean and Matt Besser, diving into a myriad of topics ranging from personal anecdotes to insightful discussions on culture, sports, and entertainment.

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1. Introduction and Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with Adam introducing the concept of Carolla Classics, emphasizing its role in showcasing the best moments from his show’s history. Giovanni acts as the co-host, providing context and additional commentary.

Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla [01:34]: "We have a companion podcast titled Carolla Classics."

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2. Personal Anecdotes: Pets and Pools

Adam shares personal stories about his dog, Phil, a water-loving breed, and his endeavors in building a swimming pool to keep Phil entertained without losing his dignity.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [04:09]: "The only thing I didn't like about my last dog, Molly, was not a water dog."
• Adam Carolla [05:28]: "Phil's a water dog. Phil was pouring rain today, and Phil went out in the backyard trying to drink the water out of the sky."

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3. The Story of the Forgotten Mountain Dew Can and Dip Incident

A humorous yet frustrating encounter unfolds as Adam discovers a lone Mountain Dew Code Red can left behind after a football gathering. His irritation escalates upon finding leftover dip, leading to a comedic rant about cleanliness and responsibility.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [10:34]: "Who is this? And I'm trying to break it down. It's not Hench, not Nick. Who is it?"
• Adam Carolla [12:14]: "To all who dip. You cannot leave that fucking can behind."

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4. Sports vs. Awards Shows: A Discussion on Authenticity and Satisfaction

Adam contrasts the straightforward nature of sports like the Super Bowl and UFC, where outcomes are clear and satisfying, with the often convoluted and subjective nature of award shows like the Oscars.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [38:01]: "We know how it ends. We know how it ends. And every year."
• Adam Carolla [40:12]: "There's no politics. There's no anything. It's just best player, you're on the field."

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5. Dive into Entertainment: Movie Reviews and Improv Insights

The conversation shifts to movie reviews, specifically spotlighting the film Brooklyn. Giovanni provides an in-depth analysis, praising its character development and emotional depth. Michael and Matt contribute with their perspectives on the film and the challenges of stand-up comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Giovanni [31:27]: "It's a little movie. I'm not describing a really, you know, groundbreaking plot. It's more about the characters, more about the emotion."
• Matt Besser [58:10]: "When you start doing stand up, it's all about nuance, taking your time, hitting those things."

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6. Listener Interactions and Funny Clips

Adam engages with listener calls, sharing amusing clips from shows like Workaholics. These segments add a layer of relatability and humor, reflecting the show's dynamic banter.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [20:09]: "Do you have any cats? No. No, I didn't think so."
• Gina Grad [15:24]: "How come all of your suggestions are disgusting?"

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7. Health and Lifestyle Discussions: E-Cigs, Vaping, and More

The conversation delves into health-related topics, particularly the dangers of e-cigarettes and the rise of vaping. Dr. Drew contributes his expertise, highlighting recent studies linking vaping to increased bacterial virulence.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Drew [121:24]: "There's no treatment for it. Once you're exposed and your lead levels are high..."
• Adam Carolla [125:02]: "But if you're wearing tight pants and you have... being a construction-minded person..."

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8. Addressing Social Issues: Prenups and Parenting

Adam tackles sensitive social issues such as prenuptial agreements and responsible parenting. He emphasizes the importance of financial and emotional preparedness before bringing children into the world.

Notable Quotes:

• Gina Grad [208:05]: "They get the pen out."
• Adam Carolla [208:04]: "It's a very sad. It's like you might as well go pick out funeral plots later on that day."

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9. News Segments with Gina Grad

Gina Grad presents timely news updates, covering topics like prison escapees, identity theft, and health warnings. These segments provide a succinct overview of current events, maintaining the show's informative edge.

Notable Quotes:

• Gina Grad [76:04]: "All three Orange county jail escapees are back in custody..."
• Gina Grad [87:51]: "In SAG Award news, NBC reports that the journalism drama Spotlight won the SAG ensemble cast award..."

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10. Guest Segment: Michael McKean’s Insights on Comedy and Improv

Michael McKean shares his journey in comedy and improv, recounting his experiences with The Credibility Gap and the challenges of gaining recognition. His anecdotes shed light on the evolution of comedy platforms and the importance of perseverance.

Notable Quotes:

• Michael McKean [57:20]: "In the early 70s, I became part of a group called the Credibility Gap..."
• Adam Carolla [165:38]: "He told me a lot about what makes him tick and how he built his career."

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11. Closing Thoughts and Future Shows

The episode wraps up with plans for upcoming shows, tours, and interactions with fans. Adam encourages listeners to engage with the Carolla Classics podcast and stay tuned for future episodes featuring notable guests.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [201:03]: "What can I say? This guy being on TV is..."
• Gina Grad [220:17]: "Well, Grease Live appeared Fox Sunday night to over 12 million viewers."

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Conclusion

This episode of Carolla Classics offers a rich tapestry of stories, humor, and insightful discussions. From personal tales about pets and humorous rants about irresponsibility to deep dives into movies and pressing social issues, Adam Carolla, alongside guests Michael McKean and Matt Besser, delivers a compelling and entertaining experience for both long-time fans and new listeners alike.

For more engaging content and future episodes, visit adamcarolla.com and subscribe to Carolla Classics on your preferred podcast platform.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on a fictional transcript provided by the user and does not represent an actual podcast episode.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Breeze all right, let's talk about drinking without the next day Regret. You want to buzz, but you don't want a hangover. Meet Breeze spelled B R E Z pronounced Breeze. This isn't your average seltzer. We're talking about hemp derived THC, CBD, functional mushrooms, nootropics, adaptogens, all in one can. You'll feel it about 10 minutes. Last an hour, hour and a half I'd say like a cocktail, but you can keep your dignity. Sparkling, lightly sweetened with agave. All organic, vegan, non gmo, no weird stuff. Ready to experience the future of drinking? Head to try.drinkbreeze.com Corolla and use code Corolla for a five dollar credit and free shipping on your first order. Breeze Drinking has evolved. Consult with a physician before you use if you are pregnant, nursing or have any known or suspected allergies or medical conditions or are taking any medication. FDA has not evaluated these products for safety or efficacy. Products are intended for 21 and older. Welcome to Core Classics.

[Giovanni]

I'm your host, superfan Giovann.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast we put the best moments, highlights and fans selected clips.

[Giovanni]

From all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics.

[Giovanni]

It's a premium only exclusive feed through Podcast one. Check out Podcast one Premium like ad free archives to Corolla Classics dating all the way back to when Chris and.

[Adam Carolla]

I hosted the show.

[Giovanni]

And if you'd like to find ad free archives for the Adam Carolla show or the Adam and Dr. Drew show.

[Adam Carolla]

Or exclusive access to Adam's brand new.

[Giovanni]

Podcast beat it out, check out Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Carolla's substack adamcorl.substack.com if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarollo.com.

[Giovanni]

Please note, we cannot play anything from the Adam Carollo radio show from 2006 to 2009, the show that immediately preceded the podcast formation, all 715 episodes. I do have access to those official.

[Adam Carolla]

Files and I am remastering them.

[Giovanni]

They just cannot be aired here. Also, Loveline requests, none of that can be aired here. Unless it was something that was discussed on the Adam Corolla show, they played it and then they did commentary over.

[Adam Carolla]

Transforming that into other work.

[Giovanni]

If you have a clip that you.

[Adam Carolla]

Want to that no problem.

[Giovanni]

If you just want old Loveline again cannot be played on this show. Check out patreon.com Giovanni if you have.

[Adam Carolla]

More questions about those shows. All right, let's get to the clips Coming first, we have Adam Kirlishau, 1747.

[Giovanni]

The great Matt Besser, Gina grad, Brian Bishop from 2016.

[Adam Carolla]

Check it out as we head toward our seventh year anniversary. Man. Coming up in like two and a half, three weeks. All right. They said it wouldn't work. Actually, they didn't even say that. They just said, what, they're not wrong yet. They're not wrong yet? No. When I started, they're just like, I don't. What are. What is a podcart? What is. They didn't say it wouldn't work.

[Giovanni]

So you syndicated on radio station. How does it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's like when you open a restaurant, they can tell you, oh, it's not gonna work. But when you do a podcast, no one's even heard of it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So they can't tell you it's not gonna work' cause it doesn't exist. Good day, Gina Graf. Good day to you. And Bald Bryan Churro is nothing but a donut. That's here illegally.

[Gina Grad]

I've been saying that for three days.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. So many people on Twitter and elsewhere saying, who is that guy? What's up with that guy? That guy's crazy.

[Gina Grad]

They're enraged.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. They thought he was out of line. Out of line for spouting his views. It's Jungle's opinion, people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. I read a lot of very positive stuff about.

[Giovanni]

The vast majority was positive Richard Martin. They were incensed that such a man would be let on the air.

[Adam Carolla]

Such extreme views and how he treats Jazz, his wife. All right, we got a Baldiwood coming up, which is good. I'm interested. Is it Brooklyn? Yep. Interested.

[Giovanni]

Best picture nominee.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, I can tell you that the only thing I didn't like about my last dog, Molly, was not a water dog. And I got a lab because I wanted that dog in the pool, man.

[Giovanni]

Pool. You don't have to.

[Adam Carolla]

There's two things. Yes. There's two things I didn't have growing up, which was the dog and the pool. Also, did you guys notice when we were talking to Cliff, AKA Koozie, last week after I was reunited with him, he said. And what I've said, the fucking reason number 128, I want to knee my dad in the fucking old nuts is he said his dad just put up a basketball hoop, like on the garage, and he'd just be out there all.

[Giovanni]

He built it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. I mean, I could remember as a kid seeing like, just a big piece of plywood that was up there and it was had like a carriage Bolt going through. And it'd be bolted to the fascia, off at a little weird angle. And just a basketball hoop, no net. They'd go down to the big five, the sporting goods store. They'd buy the hoop for 899. And then they'd get some plywood and some whatever, and they just put it up. It'd just be in the driveway.

[Giovanni]

Not to NCAA specifications, but it'll do.

[Adam Carolla]

Driveway hoop definitely do. And the kid will just stay out there and have a fun summer. That's all it is. Or dog. Or many other things that could have been purchased and or received. When I was young, for a $28 investment, I wanted a dog, and I wanted a swimming pool. And now I got a dog, and I'm building a swimming pool, and I'm gonna get that damn dog to go in it. Cause that dog is climbing into the shower when you're in the shower.

[Giovanni]

So Phil's a water dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Phil's a water dog. Phil. It was pouring rain today, and Phil went out in the backyard and was putting his head up, trying to drink the water out of the sky and just plowing. You know, there's always that part of your roof when it rains real hard where it all just comes spilling off. That one point, he just hit that one point. Just started hitting it hard. Just digging on the. Digging on the rain.

[Gina Grad]

So now, who cleaned him up before he was let back inside?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Natalia's instructed to do everything. But Natalia doesn't do anything. But she went and got the towel, and I threw the towel over her. And he did that cool move where they walk around. I don't know why. Like a horse. You put the whole thing over them. Towel just spills right over that. You can't see their head or the tail. Then they start walking around. Nothing more.

[Giovanni]

It's just a moving towel.

[Gina Grad]

The ghost.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing more entertaining for the kids than that. Another happy note. Saw Sonny at a basketball game last night.

[Gina Grad]

Just ran into him.

[Adam Carolla]

Just ran into him. Entry hall.

[Giovanni]

Just like old times, chatting them up.

[Adam Carolla]

He's walking around before the game. He's holding a brick. I don't know where he got the brick.

[Giovanni]

Sounds about right for Sonny in basketball.

[Adam Carolla]

He's holding the brick, and he's throwing it. He's kind of holding it and tossing it to himself. He's walking around in his old basketball uniform. And I said, what's the brick for, Sonny? And he said, jerry Rice's dad was a mason. And we saw this story together some months ago on, like, a 30 for 30 or whatever. And football life. And his dad would toss him the bricks. Bricks are quite brittle if you. They break very easily. No elasticity. And his dad would toss in the bricks. He had to catch it with the soft hands. And then. Yeah. By the way, the number one gig for the old school dudes who are in the NFL who know their dad is Mason.

[Giovanni]

Important. Important asterisk at the end.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes, it really is. That's an old. There's a weird thing, but it's a old school black dude thing, which is Mason, not SoCal. SoCal is Hispanic Mason nationwide. Yeah. Like in Atlanta. It's a black dude thing.

[Giovanni]

Anyway, Sonny realizes the key to success, athletic dominance, is being able to see.

[Gina Grad]

He'S having a black father in Atlanta.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. I said, later on, when I'm done with that swimming pool, I'm gonna need that brick to toss into Natalia's bikini. O. That's right, because that chick's a handful.

[Giovanni]

He probably shouldn't telegraph that.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe not, but, boy, she has been sick and she's had the flu for a week and has just been laying on that sofa ordering anyone around her around all the time, everything.

[Giovanni]

Has she transitioned to the milking it stage yet, or is she still needing the assistance?

[Adam Carolla]

She.

[Giovanni]

At a certain point, you know, like your ex. You know what I mean? You talk about doing the celebrity. Certain point you have, the ex is you getting better and you needing help.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know. She's up on her feet now. The Tamiflu or whatever it is. She literally had to go in and see the emergency room doctor. At a certain point, she wasn't getting any better. But anyway, then I got the. I got the. Got the head cold. Little something going on.

[Giovanni]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow. But as I say to my kids who like to make fun of me, oh, daddy sick. Daddy never. I said, hey, when I miss a day of work, then you can count it as a sick day. If I go on and do whatever my busy schedule dictates and I do it with a runny nose, and that doesn't count as a sick day.

[Giovanni]

It's a power through day.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a power through day. All right, now, we started early today.

[Giovanni]

You have someone approved to see yourself?

[Adam Carolla]

I also. So I had this happen. Boy, it worked out perfectly. I went to the other shop on a Saturday. I brought Sonny, and we're putzing around. We were working on some cars and just doing some stuff and always curious. I know it's been discussed, but have you guys ever had the experience of somebody Coming in and cleaning up whatever it was at your place after a party. Sometimes somebody you pay, sometimes it's just somebody. And not when they said they were completely done and then left. Not walked over and sort of found one item. Like just maybe it's a beer bottle that's on a windowsill and maybe the curtains in front of it or something. But just that one. Just that one cigarette butt sitting there. It's never quite. I was walking around. So we've been having football Sunday over there and all the usual suspects. The Kevin Henches and the Nick Santoras and the Sals, the Cousin Sals. Everyone's been showing up. And then come Monday, my guys who go there just sort of clean up. There's just chips everywhere and soda spilled and everything, and everything got cleaned up. And I was just walking around yesterday and I noticed one lone tall boy. Mountain Dew Code red can. Is it code Red?

[Giovanni]

I don't know, but there are a couple. Couple wrinkles to this. Number one, no football this weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

Number two, left behind from the. From the previous. We left behind that one. It's like even though things were mopped and swept and even though this thing was sitting out in the open just sort of by the stereo unit just on the floor, like, I just walked by and what's that single can doing there? And I just walked up to it and it was Mountain Dew Code Red. And I was like, oh, fuck, please tell me I haven't hired a retarded person to work on my staff. Because this is not only Mountain Dew, but this is Turbo. This is Tarzo charged Mountain Dew. It's already nectar the tards. And I'm looking at it and I'm going, who is this? And I'm trying to break it down. It's not Hench, not Nick. And then I'm going through the other dudes. Like, Sal drinks Coke. The rest of the guys drink the beer. Who is it? Who is it?

[Gina Grad]

Would somebody who is completely against pound cake like Mountain Dew or not like Mountain Dew?

[Adam Carolla]

It's neither one of the guys who work in the editing side, Andrew or Brian with a Y, by the way. So I pick up the can and I go, hmm. And then I feel like, oh, looks like there's a little bit left in the can. I can't tell. Feels a little weighty. And I go, all right, well, I'll just walk it over to the sink and empty it. This is reason127 to never own anything, because you'll never get anything but punish, okay? You never. There's no upside again. It's like, never own a boat. Have a best friend who owns a boat. And. And you fuck on the boat and jizz on a sofa pillow. And then you leave.

[Giovanni]

The punishment in this case is the one left behind can.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's always something like, I have to show up Monday, I have to clean up and whatever. So there's one left behind can. And then I go to the shop sink and I go, I'll just dump it out and recycle it. As I dump it out, I notice it's like viscous and thick.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I start noticing sort of particles and stuff going on.

[Giovanni]

Oh, is it dip spit?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it was Brad. I don't even want to get into Brad. But the point is, what he left behind after eight hours of free food and big screen television was his fucking dip can on the fucking floor. And I just thought, Brad doesn't even drink.

[Giovanni]

Brad Williams.

[Adam Carolla]

Brad. No.

[Giovanni]

I don't know Brad.

[Adam Carolla]

That would have been wild.

[Giovanni]

The cans is bigger than.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't do a tall boy. He has a stepladder to get to the ring.

[Giovanni]

Chris, help me with this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, no, he has to drop into one of those mechanic bay. Remember the mechanics would have. There'd just be that big hole in the ground.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah. So they can look up into your car, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but they do the oil change, he'd have to drop it into that. No, this is Brad. I don't even want to get started on Brad. But the point is, is can I say to all who dip. To all who dip. And again, he's a sober guy, so there isn't. Fuck. I had 11 beers and I just kind of lost track of everything. And then my phone started ringing and then my designated. You know, my Uber showed up and I went running out of that. Whatever. To all who dip. You cannot leave that fucking can behind. Like, look, listen. You know the assholes that have the wallet chained to them? And I go, what the fuck is that for? And by the way, on average, there's 70% less cash in that wallet. Those guys, the bigger the chain, the lower your net worth. Like, big Tad had the chain with the wallet. He was good for whatever's. I think his. His net worth was a fucking sofa that converted into a bed in his mom's house.

[Giovanni]

He declared bankruptcy and all he was allowed to keep was the chain.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. He was only allowed to keep the chain.

[Giovanni]

Declare all your assets, Mr. Dad, there should be.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're dipping, you need to have A chain to that fucking can. Because the grow. And then I'm dumping it in the shop sink and the shop sink starting to clog up. And it's starting to deal with it now you got to deal with it. And it's like fucking. And also.

[Giovanni]

And it unleashes the aroma, which you can.

[Adam Carolla]

I like Brad, but there's no greater f you than I shall eat all your free food. And then when I'm done, I'm just gonna leave this big tall boy with my spittle and copenhage and right in the floor. Like just right in the middle of the floor. Here we go.

[Gina Grad]

Is Brad the kind of guy that you're shocked at this behavior? Does Brad have a pattern of weird shit?

[Adam Carolla]

Brad's a weird dude, but this isn't.

[Giovanni]

This could have been alcohol too.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Third time Brad's a sober guy.

[Giovanni]

Oh, he doesn't drink at all. Sorry, I thought this was septical to spit in.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's just so. He does not drink. This is not booze related. No. All right, so there needs. That thing just needs to be handcuffed.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And don't we need an official spittle cup? Because you doing the fucking can is a disaster. Somebody could easily take a hit off that.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God.

[Giovanni]

Q. Matt, as gross as it is, I always sort of appreciated the guys that spit into the clear.

[Adam Carolla]

Into a plastic well, not the clear.

[Giovanni]

Well, at least that way, you know, right away across the room.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but it ruins your day now. I'm grossed out. I'm just saying these guys need an official.

[Giovanni]

Don't take them by surprise.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but it's so weird when you see. Especially when it starts to get collect.

[Giovanni]

At the bottom with dip on the side.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just make it something official and put. And tether it to your wrist, would you?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

For the love of fucking Christmas.

[Giovanni]

Colostomy bag for your dad. Goes right from your cheek.

[Gina Grad]

How come all of your suggestions are disgusting?

[Giovanni]

Brian, Clear cup of colostrum. You got it on fire with fire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a disgusting habit.

[Giovanni]

Calls for disposition.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember just going, who the fuck drinks this Mountain Dew? Code red. And in the tall boy. And then the dip started pouring out and I was like, ah, yeah, that's.

[Giovanni]

Fuck, it's a cocktail waffle.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, other than that was great. All right. Speaking of delectable, what was going on.

[Giovanni]

Saturday was like MMA fight or something? There was no football.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Giovanni]

From the previous. Because it had been there all week. That's a little gross.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian. I know you're you must be editing something. Are you.

[Gina Grad]

We went over this briefly, though.

[Adam Carolla]

He's straight. And it was left behind from the following because people came in and cleaned.

[Giovanni]

Okay, yeah. So it's a week old. That's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It was there from that. No one else dips that way.

[Gina Grad]

It was probably alcohol. Searching for a romantic summer getaway escape with Rich Girl Summer, the new audible original from Lily Chiu, the exquisitely talented Philippa Sue.

[Adam Carolla]

Returning to narrate her fifth Lily Chiu.

[Gina Grad]

Title, this time Philippa is joined by her real life husband, Steven Pasquale. Set in Toronto's wealthy cottage country, AKA the Hamptons of Canada, Rich Girl Summer.

[Adam Carolla]

Follows the story of Valerie, a down.

[Gina Grad]

On her luck event planner posing as.

[Adam Carolla]

A socialite's long lost daughter while piecing.

[Gina Grad]

Together the secrets surrounding a mysterious family.

[Adam Carolla]

And falling deeper and deeper in love with with the impossibly hard to read and infuriatingly handsome family assistant, Nico. Caught between pretending to belong and unexpectedly.

[Gina Grad]

Finding where she truly fits in, Valerie learns her summer is about to get far more complicated than she ever planned.

[Adam Carolla]

She's in over her head and head over heels.

[Gina Grad]

Listen to Rich Girl Summer now on audible. Go to audible.com richgirlsommar all fueled. Let's just move on.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just move on.

[Giovanni]

Agreed.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Anyway, the Workaholics guys, speaking of lots of tweets, I'll play something in a second. We got a bunch of Workaholics tweets and I like those guys. The Workaholics had an episode and that must have been on Thursday. Yep, on Thursday's episode. And I'll play some clips because I got into the Mangria on Workaholics first. Bet DSI Super Bowls almost here. You need a pick. Let's do it, man. How about you go online? How about you go with bet dsi.com bet dsi.com one of the original online sports books around for over 16 years. I use them. We use them, you use them. And it's quick and easy, available on all desktop and mobile platforms. And I got to tell you, don't bet more than you got, but bet enough to make it interesting.

[Gina Grad]

You feel alive.

[Giovanni]

Good velocity.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm telling you, you want to get sucked into a game, put a couple ducats on it and it'll suck your ass right into that game. Also, you can bet on the presidential election and everything else.

[Giovanni]

The Oscars.

[Adam Carolla]

Oscars coming up.

[Giovanni]

I'll be mentioning some odds In a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Bet DSI. You go to 10 Corolla. Use the promo code 10 Corolla, and they'll give you. And by the way, that's the number 10. No space Corolla. Get 10 bucks to get started for free. Not too shabby. Bet DSI 10 Corolla. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Can I give you my theory on something about that? I have a block on football. It's very hard for me to understand. I try little by little, but overall, there's just a lot of nuance I don't understand. I have a block on trying to figure it out. I have a feeling if I bet some real money on it, it would just become incredibly clear.

[Giovanni]

Invest in. Literally and figuratively.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, so do it. Should we play the little. Somebody just whacked them. There's three separate references. I think they just whacked it into three separate little vignettes.

[Giovanni]

You guys are just, I'd say, about eight minutes away from drinking the smoothest 2014 Brose Mangria you ever had.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we go. Oh, look at it go. Do you have any cats? No. No, I didn't think so. Because if you did, you wouldn't be.

[Gina Grad]

Dressed like sluts and following home.

[Adam Carolla]

Strange men to pound Mangria.

[Gina Grad]

Blake, can I see you in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Kitchen for a moment? Mm. Yep.

[Giovanni]

We're not strange.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're very not strange.

[Giovanni]

By the way, we are just minutes away from the Mangria, ladies.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, be sure and try the Mangria.

[Giovanni]

It's pretty tasty.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, that wasn't such a bad idea. God love him. What's up? Yeah. Yeah. Then the confusing conversation with Lynette, which is she does not watch workaholics, but she watches Modern Family. And one of the workaholics guys is reoccurring. Quite reoccurring. Now, he is Phil Dunphy's nanny, who they call Manny. Actually, it's the father, the guy who's.

[Giovanni]

Married to sir via Vergara.

[Dr. Drew]

Not Phil.

[Adam Carolla]

Ed o'. Neill. He's not his man. Ed o' Neill's Manny. Right. Not his Manny, but he ended up being Phil's assistant, slash co worker, whatever, in the realtor game or something. But there's a character on the show named Manny.

[Giovanni]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Devine. Yeah, Adam Devine. Real good. Real good. But so I said. I said, I'm trying to describe. And I said, phil's assistant. She said, manny, not that guy. So we had a little who's on first at home, but good on you there, workahawks. And thank you very much for a funny show and lots of Mangria mentions. All right, let's see. Got a couple of phone calls. We got the. I'd like to hear. I'll take one phone call and then we'll hear some Bollywood, shall we? All right, let's see. Dog whisper whistles on planes with dogs. Oh, that's my. Why don't I drive dogs insane on airplanes? I know. First off, the dog whistles work. I feel I grew up with a lot of dog whistles and Spanish fly conversation.

[Giovanni]

I saw Teen Wolf, so I know how it works.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a lot of discussion about dog whistles and Spanish fly. Now, I didn't have a dog and I didn't need my cockpit when all this conversation was going around. So it was like we're kind of talking about some game that I've never sued up for. But it still seemed like a cool thing to have a dog whistle and some Spanish fly. Maybe I could fuck a dog. Yeah, maybe I could work that scenario. Right. But I don't know if dog whistles really drive dogs nuts or not. I don't know. Danny. Oh, shit. Danny, up there. All right, Danny.

[Gina Grad]

God damn it, Danny.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Danny's plan was I take the dog whistle on a plane and drive dogs insane on the flights. Well, first off, I don't want the dogs to go insane.

[Giovanni]

Let's just make my situation a lot worse.

[Adam Carolla]

I like to give everyone else the dog whistle on flights that I wasn't on. And then also, I think you'd be wrestled down pretty quick if you pulled out something metallic and it started blowing into. I don't think there's much you can do on an airplane these days. I feel like whoever your seatmate was, he'd drop pretty quick. You get a dime dropped on you pretty fast. All right, let's see.

[Gina Grad]

I just like three, because he's calling from a very famous place.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, Kirkland, Washington. Mark 46. Hey, Adam. How's it going? Hi, Gina. Hi, Brian. What's going on, man? Got a question. I've been a fan of yours for a long time. I was actually in your studio with you a couple months back, and I walked back and forth to your garage with you, which is pretty cool. So I'm a huge fan of yours, and I've always wondered something and listening to you as. I grew up in Los Angeles in the San Fernando Valley. You know, it's a real pit there. A long time ago, I moved to Kirkland, Washington.

[Giovanni]

I know you love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Up here. And I've always just wondered, you love it up here too. You can't stand Los Angeles. You know, the taxes there are paying 10% of your income to the state for no reason whatsoever. We have no state income tax here. The pollution, the gangs, the crime, the traffic. You have a pirate ship, you can go wherever you want. Why do you stay in Los Angeles? Well, the people who don't speak English. First off, Kirkland, Washington, is the place that has the flags for crossing the street, for crossing the street, which is an insane thing when you're from here. Because when you're here, you have barbed wire around freeway signs and there they have flags to cross the street. Couple things. I moved to a nice community full of nice people who actually raised their children and are polite. And so that makes it a lot nicer than living in fucked up Hollywood where I used to live. So just literally moving and getting out of the piece of shit community that is Hollywood, Los Angeles, and some of those areas, that's number one. And the people, the parents are every bit as bad as their fucked up, narcissistic piece of shit little kids are. So that's number one.

[Giovanni]

Live shows coming up in Irvine, North Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, yeah. Number two, as sad as it is, I'm still in the business. I have more work to do in terms of another show for Spike Television to work on. I have documentary movies to make. There's a lot of in the business stuff that you can do anything you want from a satellite area, but it's not quite the same. I mean, I've learned it personally. I have a warehouse now that's walking distance from where I am, where we are. And I had another warehouse that was closer to Leno's warehouse by the Burbank Airport, 3.2 miles from here. I almost never went there. It was only three miles away, but I almost never went there because it was just getting in the car. It's like that. It's that sort of. It's my home gym theory, which is put a gym in your house or put your stair climber or your treadmill or your skip your rope, like, get into some sort of home routine. Because if you gotta drive, even if it's a quarter of the way across town to get to the gym, you'll miss a lot more days than you will when your home is your gym. And technically, you know, I got a couple more years left in the business. And my problem is, is I'm not done. Yes. If I was just doing the podcast, I Would definitely pick up in Kirkland, would be near the top of my list of places to go. But there's few more movies to be made, few more TV shows to be done, and a few more. And also the other thing is the car culture. Half the stuff I do is cars. The other half stuff I do, I mean, that kind of keeps me here, is industry related. The culture here, all of the groups that support all the guys who do the building and the painting and the refurbishing and the metal, the testing, the places that test my magnesium rims to see if they're cracked and stuff like that, they're all. Everything is here. And that would be tough to keep going with the car thing and, or the documentary film thing. It's hard to find those guys like your Andrews and your Brian's and your editors and your equipment and your stuff. Just makes it all harder. So I got a plan. Here's the plan, Mark. I stay here for about another 10 years, wait till the kids go off somewhere, hopefully other than college, hopefully the Israeli army. I then pack up, move to Kirkland. After the movies are done and I've aged myself out of the business or talked myself out of the business, I move to Kirkland. I buy something with a beautiful view of the sound, and I die in my sleep that night. You know, one of the saddest parts is that one of the saddest parts is that you piss away 10% of your income on a state income tax to a state that you can't stand. Well, there's a piece of shit state, but, you know, the weather's nice for the most part. It's pouring rain. Thank you, Mark. Thank you for being such a fan. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.

[Gina Grad]

And if you did decide to move now, you'd spend your entire life on a plane. Well, I gotta go back for the weekend. I'll be there for three days. I'll fly back for two days.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the rally is, is this town is still this town. And if you want to have meetings, you have to have meetings in this town. And we haven't got to that yet. Where just your doppelganger, your digital doppelganger can just show up in the room. You want to go have a meeting with Sharon Levy from Spike, you got to go over and have a meeting with her. And if they set up a meeting, look, my agents in New York, when we have a meeting, he comes out from New York. That's just, you know, not just for my thing, but they come in, they have to show up. That's the way it works. All right. Should we do a little Baldiwood? Yeah, let's do it. I want to do this. Hooray for Baldiwood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for Bowdy War.

[Giovanni]

If you're like most people, when the Oscar nomination for Best Picture came out, you probably said, what's Brooklyn? Brooklyn is a 2015 film, is directed by John Crowley. He's a British theater director. I was not familiar with his work. I'd never seen any of his films. Written by Nick, Based on the book by Nick Hornby. Nick Hornby did About a boy, High Fidelity. He's a well known author.

[Adam Carolla]

All good, right?

[Giovanni]

You've seen, well, High Fidelity, I assume. Really good movie. He did Fever Pitch, which was a different kind of book in England. It became a different movie over here about the Red Sox. So with Jimmy, was it Jimmy Fallon? It wasn't a great movie, but it was kind of changed from, you know, a soccer movie.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I'll tell you what was great about it. They were at the game when the Sox won their first championship. They rewrote the ending in 100 years. And they're just there in the crowd like you don't that. Yeah. Serendipity or rewrite it or whatever it is, but it makes for a pretty spectacular ending for a movie.

[Giovanni]

Yep. So this one, Brooklyn Stars was no Taxi.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell you that right now. As far as Fallon's body of work, it was no Taxi.

[Giovanni]

It was Saoirse. Ronan is the star of this. Emory Cohen is the co star.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's all nominated?

[Giovanni]

Saoirse Ronan is nominated for Best Actress. This is nominated for Best Picture. It's also nominated for best Screenplay.

[Adam Carolla]

Original.

[Giovanni]

Adapted. Original screenplay. Screenplay. Only three nominations, which is unusual considering it's a Best Picture nominee usually. Now that's a movie that has eight, nine, ten nominations. Just three for this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a small film.

[Giovanni]

It's a very small film.

[Adam Carolla]

Small and small, but that's pretty good. And Best Film, Best Lead Actress and Best Screenplay, I haven't written down.

[Giovanni]

Sometimes original. When people say it's an honor just to be nominated, in this case, it really is. They mean it because this is a movie that kind of was a real long shot to even get nominated. The fact that it did is a real Tip of the cap to what I think is a really good movie. So it's a 20/something ish year old woman, about 20 years old. She's Irish. She leaves Ireland for America by 1950, 1951. And she's an immigrant. She comes alone and she goes to Brooklyn and she lives at a boarding house. And she falls. She develops a relationship, falls in love with a local Italian man. Sort of, you know, the American melting pot, that whole thing. And then she's called back to Ireland at one point. This is, you know, back in the day when it was a week, 10 day journey just to get back and forth, you know, by ship. And she goes back and now she must choose between the old, comfortable, familiar life or the new, exciting, promising life. She's doing well in America, but now she has to go home. And she's like, oh, I love this, being back home for me. So it's, it's a little movie. I'm not describing a really, you know, groundbreaking plot. It's more about the characters, more about the emotion. And it's really. It's funny and it's adorable and it's very sweet. Here's a scene. Gary has a clip. She lives at a boarding house for women, for young girls she brought over by the church. The church funds her trip. And I'm not sure she's Catholic or Protestant, but either way, she comes over and she's at a boarding house and she's about to go on a date with her. She just got a promotion. She's about to go on a date with her new Italian beautiful and she's telling the girls at the dinner table.

[Gina Grad]

Now, I think this is the first time any girl of mine has ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Passed an exam while living here. Have you told Tony yet, Eilish?

[Gina Grad]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Has he taken you out to celebrate?

[Gina Grad]

We're going to Coney island at the weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

[Gina Grad]

What does that mean? Do you have a bathing costume? No, I was going to.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have sunglasses? No. You need sunglasses. I read that if you don't have them on the beach this year, people will talk about you. And what exactly will they say, Sheila? That's the thing, Mrs. Q. You'd never know because they'd never say it to your face. Oh, dear God.

[Gina Grad]

Diana's right, though, Eilish.

[Adam Carolla]

You need to think carefully about your costume.

[Gina Grad]

It's the most Tony will ever have.

[Adam Carolla]

Seen of you and you don't want to put him off.

[Giovanni]

So the thing I liked best about this movie was these little performances. Every little character there were so many characters that came into the movie. And I was like, this is where it's gonna kind of become sort of an over the top melodramatic. You know, this guy is gonna be a jerk and this lady's gonna be the mean boss. And there was nothing like that. Every character was really kind of nuanced and subtle. And I think this guy. This guy being Crowley, the director, he's a theater director, so he was able to get these performances out of the people that weren't silly and over the top. Exactly. Characters, cliches, all the things. I really enjoyed it. It's a. Have you seen it?

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Do you see it, Autumn? Do you have a screener of it?

[Adam Carolla]

I wasn't in the mood to be swept away. You know me. It's not straighter now.

[Giovanni]

It's more sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

And I watched Joy. I enjoyed that.

[Giovanni]

I haven't seen Joy, so I can't say if it's anything like this, but this is a nice little movie.

[Gina Grad]

It was. This is probably the closest I've been to a romantic movie, a girl movie, whatever, in I couldn't tell you how long, and I absolutely loved it. But there's one thing about it, and maybe I'm projecting. I've talked about it with Matt Achity, with. With co workers on the morning show, and I. Nobody agrees with me so far. I found the Italian boyfriend super creepy, and I did not want her to be with him.

[Giovanni]

And when I first saw him on screen, that's what I was talking about. How when you see. They see certain characters like, oh, this guy's gonna be this guy, this. This caricature, maybe.

[Gina Grad]

I was waiting and I was.

[Giovanni]

I was. I was. I was like, up, here it comes. And he wasn't like that. And I didn't feel the same way, but I wonder why you felt like that.

[Gina Grad]

I was talking about his family.

[Giovanni]

I, like, we went over there. She. She. She is an Irish immigrant. She's never had spaghetti before, so she wants. She's gonna go over to his family's house for dinner. And so the girls give her lessons on a twirler spaghetti. It's a sweet little scene.

[Gina Grad]

It is. I think I'm probably projecting. I'm probably using, you know, our modern way of dating and putting on him being like, oh, God, why would you say that to somebody? What's wrong with you? And you know when he says, like, well, if you. If you could promise you can marry me, like, fuck you.

[Giovanni]

Who is in the 50s? I know.

[Gina Grad]

And it really. It really Freaked me out. So maybe it's just a personality.

[Giovanni]

Did you watch it with your boyfriend? I did. I think it's a great date movie because Christie liked it more than I did and I really enjoyed it.

[Gina Grad]

It was a lovely movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you got to unfortunately, 700 can't have a guy in the 50s go, well, I work with this African American fella.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. He can't be emo. You can't be.

[Adam Carolla]

I work with this negro guy. Because that's how you have to do whatever it is they did do. True. In the good old days.

[Giovanni]

So according to Rotten Tomatoes, this is the fifth best reviewed film of the year. 98%. They actually ranked the top 10 movies that are best reviewed. It was. Listen, it's the number one, not top 10. The movie of the year. According to Daily Variety, Holly Reporter, L.A. times, Samsung Chronicle, and Us Weekly. I mean, there are a lot of people who are like, this is the best movie of the year. So put your. This is not one of those like sappy, sweet, romantic movies.

[Gina Grad]

It's a coming of age.

[Adam Carolla]

What it get on Rotten Tomatoes? Not the score, but the average score, the whatever number Garo figure Gary might.

[Giovanni]

Well look that up.

[Gina Grad]

While Gary's looking, can I tell you my favorite line? That for some reason it just stuck with me and I. I think about it sometimes and I just loved it when the pre. You know, she's. She's very homesick and she's in New York and she doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. And he says to her, homesickness is like the flu. It'll make you feel awful and then it'll move on to somebody else.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that's Jim Broadband. He's a great actor. I love him. Bet DSI has this movie at 15 to 1 the one they are the best picture. I don't think it's gonna win, but it's one of the longer shots. So if you liked it as much as I did.

[Adam Carolla]

10 bucks.

[Giovanni]

10 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Giovanni]

So anyway, good movie. I recommend everyone check it out. Maybe on a date night. It's a lot of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooray For Bounty Award 4.2 is what it averages on Rotten Tomatoes.

[Giovanni]

It's pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. The.

[Giovanni]

You like it?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I like anything that's good. You know, as I think about the Oscars, I realize the thing that bumps me that always. And I know why. I know why the UFC is like the fastest growing sport. Because there is no buddy who gets lucky or wins on some technicality or geez, come on, what were you watching? I mean, occasionally there's some bad hometown calls. Occasionally. But when the other guy chokes the other guy out, the other guy starts tapping on his arm.

[Giovanni]

Usually decisive fights.

[Adam Carolla]

We know how it ends. We know how it ends. And every year. But even you take what I'll play to Brian for a second. You take what Golden State did last year. You know, they played lights out basketball, and you go, that's the best team. And no one gets to sit around and go, I think if the Lakers had a good day, they could take them in a best of seven series or something like that. It's just. They are the best. They just were the best.

[Giovanni]

Chris is laughing because there are some people who are like, if the spurs hadn't lost to the Clippers, they would have. Fuck you. The warriors were a historically great team and they would have killed everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. And maybe there is. Maybe there's another team you can have a conversation about or with. But whenever the Oscars get laid out, I see a movie and it's always. There's 150 movies that I liked better. Sicario, that never. Yeah. That never got anything or never won anything or never whatever thing. Like, you know, you know, you. You take Little Miss Sunshine versus Breaking Away, and I like Breaking away a few thousand times better in that little fucking piece of shit that everyone thinks it's so fucking pro. Well, not everyone. It thought it was precious, but either way, it's a thousand. It does not exist in the NFL. I mean, yeah, there's teams that. Well, if they were healthy, maybe they could have. But it's pretty satisfying to watch the Super Bowl. It's pretty satisfying to watch the guy with the strap go against the number two ranked guy in the Octagon. It's pretty satisfying to watch the final in Final Four in either college or in professional basketball. Like, it's satisfying. Like you just go.

[Giovanni]

It's rare that the guy stand. The guy or team standing at the end with the trophy, title, belt, whatever, is the team. You're like, that's not the best team. It's pretty rare.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or even like a version of it where you go, I saw that guy fight. He's no good. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I don't see what everyone else sees.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right, right. And that, that is the kind of satisfaction that I think, I think attracts everyone to sports in general.

[Giovanni]

The decisiveness, just.

[Adam Carolla]

And the part where in a world full of it's who you know, and it's politics and it's this, that and the other. There's no politics. There's no anything. It's just best player, you're on the field.

[Giovanni]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't matter. Honestly, the. The super bowl team could start an all black offense and an all black defense and nobody would care. Or an all white offense and an all handful of assholes might care, but no one give a shit. Just go, those are the best. Those are the best player. There's like, you know, the defense, Carolina's defense is all black. And there's one guy named Luke Keakley, who's white, who's good. So he gets to play.

[Giovanni]

Of course, he's the captain.

[Adam Carolla]

No one ever goes. They toss the one white guy out there just because it's a token thing, you know, there's a black guy on the bench, it's better. No, it's just One white guy, 10 black guys, he happens to be very good. That'll be it.

[Giovanni]

Yep. And we're all on board with that.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's a sort of purity to it where you never have to second guess or you never have to go, oh, you know, they voted for this just because they thought it'd be a good. Or the subject matter, whatever it is, that's what you got to love about sports. All right. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of BET dsi Luke Keakley, over eight and a half tackles.

[Adam Carolla]

Take it to the bank.

[Gina Grad]

Are you Rain man today? How do you know all this?

[Adam Carolla]

Janice 37, Phoenix. Hey, Adam, how you doing? What's going on, man? Oh, hey, Brian. Gina.

[Giovanni]

Hey, what's your name again?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Janice. Oh, Janice with a J. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

That's not far off, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

What kind of name is that?

[Adam Carolla]

Irish, oddly. Hey, I'm from. So my question was about that. Hold on, hold on. I played football for a long time with a kid named Jance Fitzgerald.

[Giovanni]

I've never heard the name Jance.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very weird name. But Jance Fitzgerald was this big dude I played football with for many seasons, and his dad was the big scary guy in the windbreaker with the beard who'd grab you by the face mask when he was talking to you.

[Giovanni]

He was the coach or. No, he wasn't even just a dad on the floor.

[Gina Grad]

Wasn't even affiliated.

[Adam Carolla]

Jance Fitzgerald. Why? Mr. Fitzgerald was. Mr. Fitzgerald's dad was the line coach. And his whole thing, as I said, his policy was if anyone's sitting on the bench and they don't like it on the bench on Friday's practice, because we'd play Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, line it up. Because he just coached a line and everyone was 9, 10, 11 years old. I mean, through the years he'd say, just line it up and go at it. And so that's what they do. And I always started so it was always a lot of like line it up and go at it.

[Gina Grad]

Trying to knock you out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I was just talking to my son, by the way, about Pop Warner football. And it's funny because he's nine and I realized I was entering my fourth year. What are you talking about? By the time he's 10, but he's on like a three year program, he's like, no, hell no.

[Giovanni]

And God no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

He's telling me he wants to play tackle, but he wants to first start. He's in a flag. He's like at flag football camp now. He wants to get into a league, play some. Then he wants to get into a football tackle football clinic. They have these clinics. God fucking cottage industry of clinics. It's really, it's like the Pee Wee football clinic is sort of the equivalent to. Are you in a porn move movie? Well, I'm not in the movie, but we're doing a gang bang film. I'm about 187 back. I'm the guy standing there with the gorilla mask, sort of jerking myself off, sort of. I'm kind of in this. I mean, maybe I'm gonna be in it one day. I don't know. She may tear her perineum or something, or rectum or something and I may get have to pull out of this thing. But. Or you can just go.

[Giovanni]

If 186 guys in front of me go down, they need someone to step in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm just saying, just sign up for Pee Wee football. So he's going to go flag, competitive flag, Then he's going to go football pads and clinic. And then I was explaining to him, you know, Sonny, there's nothing better than putting those pads on, man. I mean, one of the best inventions ever, shoulder pads. You put shoulder pads on somebody, literally take a baseball bat and hit you on the shoulder, you don't feel it. Like it's not the same as elbow pads or knee pad. Yeah, knee pads. Just a little, you know, three, eight of an inch of foam rubber does not stop your ACL from tearing or anything like that. But the fucking shoulder pad. Beat on a shoulder pad. Feels pretty damn good to get suited up.

[Giovanni]

I was a puss. You ever wear the shock collar? Not the shock, the foam thing that went underneath the pads.

[Adam Carolla]

It was funny because he said to me, is there a thing that goes underneath the pads.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it's a shock collar.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, there is now, but not when I play.

[Gina Grad]

Not when it mattered.

[Adam Carolla]

Not when it mattered. And I said, you're gonna love this, Sonny. You're gonna get padded up and you're gonna have fun hitting other guys. Pretty sweet, battling other guys. And he's like, yeah, I think I might be ready for it. Also, I'm the guy who had a horrific shoulder separation where famously, it was out for four days and I had to be removed from the field in an ambulance, and I had to put a cast on for three months, and I had to go check into the hospital overnight. And I had the worst injury anyone could ever have in pee wee football. So right around this age. So it's a little hard when I'm going, eh, it'll be fine. Nobody ever. Nobody ever gets injured.

[Gina Grad]

In other news, there's competitive flag football.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, he's just at the clinic. That's a California version of it right now. And then. Yeah. Anyway, Chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I used to play football in California. Fairmont High. My coach used to grab us by our face mask. They used to get real pissed off at us and, like, try to jerk us to the ground. Anyway, my question was about O.J. that O.J. movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. Yeah, and John Travolta. Like I said, I'm from California, and I don't know if it's just being from LA thing. I'm just so sick of OJ Okay. He freaking did. It's like they have to keep dredging it up, dredging it up, and it pisses everybody off, and it doesn't really do any good. It's like they're just trying to squeeze every nickel out of a story that's. That's done. Well, is there more information that is going to come out in this or is it all just dramatic? Whatever.

[Gina Grad]

It's like a made for TV movie. It's a series.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I seriously doubt it. I mean, being from California, I mean, you saw. I mean, like, it was just. We were just choked to death with the O.J. simpson trial. Okay, fine, it was interesting then, but now it's like it's old and it's like, it just feels like we want to bring it up just to put, you know, this back in the atmosphere.

[Giovanni]

I mean, it looks pretty schlock.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's.

[Giovanni]

I'm not bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. Marky Garriga said they should have tried him in Santa Monica. He was Tried civilly in Santa Monica. He's found guilty in Santa Monica. But they moved it downtown and they lost the case, which I always found interesting, because once they moved it downtown, all the DNA evidence and all they putting the glove on and all that kind of shit didn't matter. It was done.

[Giovanni]

The jury didn't understand a lot of the DNA evidence, just what it was or how it worked.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, I think they just did what the thing I hate the most about anything. I think they were enamored with Johnnie Cochran. It's the same thing I always yap about where it's like, when we do the LA is half Hispanic. We need a mayor that represents, even if he's a fucking asshole, even if he's horrible, even if. If he's an imbecile, like, yeah, no, that guy looks like me. So I'm going to. Even though, whatever be damned, I'm just going to. I hate that. It drives me nuts. Somehow it's looked at as noble. I mean, not if you're white, obviously, but if you're anything else, there's sort of some nobility to fucking bothers me. I just heard, I think it was the fire chief of San Francisco or whatever, that only 3% of the firemen are women. And he's appalled. And this has to change. And it's like, why? Why does it have to change? Why? Maybe guys, I think, are probably better at lifting heavy shit. Maybe I'm gonna go out on a fucking limb. And they're trying to do these, like, outreach things where it's like, come on, ladies, come on down. Come on and sign up. And why they're not interested. That's their fucking prerogative. There's differences. Is that okay? Why does this need to represent everything all the time? Especially something like the fire department.

[Giovanni]

I'll do you one better. Say, as a fire department, you probably want. You probably would rather have the people that sought you out, the people who really wanted to do it, regardless of gender or color or whatever. People that can't, rather than doing an outreach thing, like, please the people that want to do this.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very dangerous job. Yes.

[Giovanni]

I don't have to sell anyone on being a firefighter running into a fighting house.

[Adam Carolla]

I completely fucking agree. Because when the house is ablaze and you can hear the kid crying from the upstairs bedroom, that's a certain kind of wiring that transcends training. Either you're going in or you're going back to the rig to get on the blower and call for some Backup. I want the going in person. And as it turns out, yes. Imagine if we just went with the aforementioned ufc. Imagine what the fight should be like if we just recruited people with the outreach program. Hey, you. You and the cardigan. Yes. Where are you coming from? The market. All right, get in here. Get these board shorts on and get in here.

[Giovanni]

What is this octagonal cage?

[Adam Carolla]

Just get in there and start duking it out. Now, if by chance, you get the guy on his back, I want you to just keep throwing a balled up fist at his orbital socket until he stops moving. Can you do that? Like. Like. No, I can't. I can't do that.

[Giovanni]

What if per chance it gets me on my back?

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Giovanni]

It's a 50.

[Adam Carolla]

50.

[Gina Grad]

Sure works.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, stranger in the pastel cardigan, don't even think that way, okay? That's the surefire way to get on your back.

[Giovanni]

I do not have a plan for if I end up on my back. Only focus on getting him on his back.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you need to do something called sprawling. Are you familiar with sprawling?

[Giovanni]

What is sprawling?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is gonna sound very. This is gonna sound very homoerotic, but he's gonna do something called shoot on you.

[Giovanni]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. When he shoots on you, you sprawl. That way you won't end up on your back eating fists.

[Giovanni]

Okay? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

You're using a lot of advanced terminology. Yeah, again, I'm just coming from the market. Is this advice for when I'm on top of him or I'm not supposed to think about?

[Adam Carolla]

He ends up with him. You know what? Let's save the talk for one. Once we lock the cage.

[Giovanni]

Oh, the cage is locked.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you go in, then we lock it.

[Giovanni]

Well, I'm on the impression I could leave any time.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you can, but either after you either tap out or pass out, or you could have the other guy, you know, you could knock him out.

[Giovanni]

Why would I pass out? Is this an elevated thing? Like, are we doing this in Denver? Like, why am I gonna be short of oxygen? Why on earth would I pass out?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's probably gonna be more like Pomona.

[Giovanni]

Okay, that's about sea level.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He's gonna be trying to choke you out. Oh. Oh.

[Giovanni]

Hence the pass. Okay, so I can leave at any time, though, so it's really kind of a moot point.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, after it's done. Yeah, you can leave. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

What makes it done?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you sort of turn into sort of a rag doll and then he drops you, but. Now, here's the deal. Yep. I haven't went down to the Costco where they do the samples of the cheese and found your opponent. Oh, so maybe there's somebody there.

[Giovanni]

Can I go with you? I'd love to choose the guy or girl.

[Adam Carolla]

I really don't want to be influenced.

[Giovanni]

Oh, okay. Can I make some notes? Just some bullet points on people to look for.

[Adam Carolla]

You can Google Joe Rogan's name and see what comes up. I'm gonna head down to Costco and fight. Okay. How good would that or how bad would that fucking fight be?

[Giovanni]

Well, it might be awesome, actually. Probably bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree with Brian 100% in that I want people that are dying to be firemen, like literally dying to be firemen, not us out trying to get fucking single moms in. There is a gig for a super dangerous job with guys with huge broad shoulders. Okay? And I'll tell you something else. I don't want to tweak it so that the gals can get in or that weaker guys could get in. Forget about gals. I don't want to tweak it so. Well, it used to be a 50 pound hose pack and you had to go up and down the stairs 20 times. Now it's a 20 pound hose pack and you do it 10 times. I don't want to tweak for anybody.

[Giovanni]

Standards are the standards, regardless of any other demographic information.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And if that precludes a certain group or certain amount of people, by the way, it cuts out a lot. It cuts out a lot of dudes from being firemen too.

[Giovanni]

It should cut 85% of the population, regardless of any demographic background. I was just watching Naked and Afraid with Christy and there was a woman on there who was an ass kicker and I was like, let her be a firefighter.

[Adam Carolla]

She could rescue anybody. Just fucking. When the mayors get on there and they're like, we're really appalled and this is sad. And we want this. We want them to reflect. I just want to fucking never stop kneeing them in the groin. I want some fucking reporters got some fucking balls to raise their hand and go, why? Why should. Well, because it should reflect the community. Well, what are you suggesting? I'm not suggesting anything. I'm suggesting it should reflect the community it serves. Why are you suggesting they wouldn't go into the house or are they going to find out in advance? Hey, what is that? Caprice Classic. Looks like there's some rims on that thing. I ain't going in there. What is it? What are you suggesting? Explain yourself. They'll never get to that Fucking point. No one will ever answer that question, and no one will ask that question. Be a lot of fucking head nodding, like, oh, you're right. They should. Definitely. Is this true for all jobs? What about fishermen? Should they represent?

[Giovanni]

Like, what about don't tip all of our tongues?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what about fucking the guys who are on the craft? Crab. Black folk like crab. I don't see a lot of colored faces out there in the Bering Straits in Alaska out there pulling up the crab. So should those folks represent the people who go to Red Lobster? Why not?

[Giovanni]

It's wildly disproportionate.

[Adam Carolla]

Why shouldn't we? Yeah. What. What about the wicked tuna guy? Shouldn't they. Whether there's no people of color who eat tuna or what about me? Who the fuck cares? Is the answer right? Just go fucking catch your tuna, and then I'll eat it if I want. God damn. The only part that drives me nuts is when the mayor and the fire chief like to fucking finger each other. Like, we're both heroes. We're both heroes because this is. We're appalled that this.3% women. Okay, I ask everybody this. All you ass wipes at Huffington Post, would you like a fire department in your city that is 50% female? Is that what you would like? Because that's. Oh. Or whatever. 51%. What do we. What are you guys, 51% too much? Would everyone love that? Would we love that?

[Giovanni]

It sounds very noble, but I think we all know we'd all be more comfortable with the standards being what they are. Whoever rises above those standards, welcome to the firefighter club.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So shut the fuck up. Heroes. Assholes. All right, Matt's here. We'll bring him up. I'll put myself in a better mood. I'll talk about match.com. if you're single, not dating, you need your match and you want to get out there. One in three relationships now, starting online. Yeah. Makes sense. I mean, God, all the kids are going to come up and go. Metyourmomatmatch.com Kaelin's using it. So is Nick. Ooh, these guys aren't done.

[Gina Grad]

Run like you're on fire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, smart man. How am I. What are you getting? A lot of hits? What's going on? Yeah, I am actually getting a couple.

[Dr. Drew]

Hits and might be going on a.

[Adam Carolla]

Date next week, which is long overdue. You dropping my name out there? Of course. That's how you get them.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, she's excited to go on a date with Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Carolla match. You can try it out for seven days [e-mail] Adam let's see. So go to match.com Adam Try today and try it for seven days free. That's a week free. Meet yout [e-mail] forward/adam. All right, so I'll just bring Matt in. That's right.

[Giovanni]

Take a break or.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. I think we're just going to power through. I'll tell you guys, Alonzo Bowden, don't tell him about any of this fireman talk. Alonso Bowden, Irvine, he could be my firefighter anytime.

[Giovanni]

That guy's huge.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So.

[Giovanni]

And it's easy.

[Gina Grad]

It's a good pickup line. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well. Well, I'm saying I think you'd rather see Alonzo Boden climbing up that ladder than you or me or anybody under this roof. Anybody under this roof. That's right. And this roof counts as the heavens. That's Irvine. February 17th, North Hollywood. Back to the El Portown Theater. That's my old stomping grounds. February 27th, be there with Dr. Drew. Matt Besser's entered the studio. Good to see you, Matt.

[Matt Besser]

Hey, guys, thanks for having me back.

[Adam Carolla]

I really enjoyed your stand up special which I watched earlier today. All right. CB Theater. A little unorthodox, but fun. Oh, yeah. Doing complaint letters and punk rock songs and just. It's a whole new world out there. It's really fun.

[Matt Besser]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

The new episodes, by the way. And there. So there's a couple things. There's the UCB show, which is on ciso, that's now. Explain CISO to us.

[Matt Besser]

Well, they want to be the comedy Netflix. Basically, there are all these new platforms out there and they're focusing on the comedy nerds. And they sold me on. We got all the Monty Pythons and kids in the hall hostage. So if you want to see them, you got to get on this one. Which makes sense to me because.

[Adam Carolla]

All.

[Matt Besser]

The real supposed networks are just saying no to me all the time. So let's go to a place that just focuses on comedy nerds. Doesn't mean mind if you're doing weird shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you and comedy. When did you start? When did you realize this is going to be your path? Who inspired you? How did it all go down?

[Matt Besser]

My first time I did stand up, I was just trying to get to Jamaica for a win. The trip to Jamaica for spring break sponsored by Doritos Cool Ranch and sticklets or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

So is that in college?

[Matt Besser]

Yeah, that was in college.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you going to college?

[Matt Besser]

I was at Amherst College. The contest was at, umass I went up on stage still maybe one of the bigger audiences I was ever in front of. It was like over 2,000 people. And I was so fucking nervous. My hands were shaking. I was stuttering. I don't know if you did this. When you started doing Stand up, you kind of have this script memorized in your head, but once you get up there, you're just kind of. Of skipping around in the script and you don't have it memorized. And I was just. And people thought. And I killed afterwards, but I wasn't doing anything right. And afterwards, people were like, you're doing a great Bobcat Goldthwaite impression because I was stuttering so hard and like, oh, that's what you thought.

[Adam Carolla]

It was awesome. Well, what happens is, whenever there's an audience, and even if you're not nervous, watch any live band, listen to them playing their song on the CD or wherever you get it. And then when you hear the live version, it's always a little faster, Little faster. Everything gets sped up live because the audience sort of requires you to speed it up. They don't ask for it. It's just a human condition. So when you're doing stand up, it's all about nuance, taking your time, hitting those things. And you get this script in your head. You memorize the script, and then you get up there and the energy kicks in and you shotgun it. You just blast through your. You just mow through your act.

[Matt Besser]

You're not used to people laughing. You're not pausing for that when you're rehearsing it to yourself. I just saw this. The Quiet Riot documentary. Did you guys see that?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Matt Besser]

I don't know what it's called, but I guess they lost the main guy, Kevin, and then they auditioned new guys. And I never appreciated how hard it is to be because I always thought it's easier to do music. Like once you know the song. It seems like now they're.

[Adam Carolla]

Now this is the weird. There's a weird. Come on, feel the noise.

[Matt Besser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there anything more shaming than when you say to someone, you like that song, Come on, feel the noise? And they go, you mean feel the noise? You ever get that?

[Giovanni]

They chop it off.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you it up because you didn't know where to start and where. Where to stop. But I don't know why. It's insanely shaming to me because I don't know where the song, the title starts. And you know what I'm saying it is.

[Giovanni]

Come on, feel the noise.

[Adam Carolla]

As far as I know, it Is good. All right.

[Matt Besser]

But then they had this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, come on, Feel the noise. You know that song. Sorry, Quiet, right? But they.

[Matt Besser]

They had this new guy do it, and he bombed so fucking bad. And then you're like. Because he did great in his audition. He just nailed it. And he had that.

[Adam Carolla]

That.

[Matt Besser]

That specific metal voice. But then you gotta still be a personality, still gotta know how to sell it and be confident. He had no confidence. He stood in one spot. He didn't know how to work the mic. That's another thing. You never know until you start doing it. It's just how to get that fucking mic out of the stand and put it behind you and all that kind of shit. And he looked. He just didn't have that confidence. And the whole audience could feel it. So even though he could fucking nail the voice, he did not have the Persona for it yet. And I was like, dude, that's why you gotta do the coke and the booze that kills you to get that confidence.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess it's a weird thing. It'd be interesting. I wonder if you could go to one of those functional MRI things, which is. Some people go out on the super bowl or on that big stage or in front of all those people, and it fucks them up royally. They draw blanks. They can't think. The stuff that was formerly super easy for them is super difficult now and everything. And other people hit some sort of weird stride with some sort of adrenaline thing that actually brings them up, like.

[Giovanni]

An equilibrium kind of thing with the audience.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know what it is, but there's no middle. I don't think there's a middle. Like, I go up there, I get a dry mouth, I start stuttering. I can't figure out what to say. Or there's. I go out there in front of the audience and somehow feel that, ride that wave. I don't think there's anyone who's just in the middle, goes, eh. It doesn't matter if there's an audience or not an audience. But it'd be interesting to figure if you could figure out whether your kid had that or not. You know, that sort of Michael Jordan, Big game sort of ability.

[Gina Grad]

You'll find it out at the first choir concert, I guess.

[Matt Besser]

So have you done, like, gone from a 2000 to a 10,000 kind of venue? Have you done, like, a super huge venue?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I had to do. I remember I rode my unicycle on Dancing with the Stars, and I knew there was an audience of about 20 million people.

[Matt Besser]

So that hits you, the unseen audience.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that place kind of has both going for it. Cause there's a good thousand people that are up and about. It's very scaled up, but there's a good thousand people there. And then there's another 20 million people that are at home. And I remember sort of thinking, and I had to sit off in the wings, and it was dark, and there were some cables and stuff I had to run over on my unicycle. I had to start riding on to sit there and hold this big camera jib on my unicycle. And then I had to ride over these cables and then ride up onto the floor. The floor's on a slab, so the parquet is like raised a couple inches. It's got a little slope to it. And then I was going to ride past the whole thing. And I remember just sort of thinking, well, this would be shitty to fall off of this thing right now. Like, inner gyroscope, don't fail me now. I know it's an old cliche, but I don't really have that nerves thing. I actually have the nerves before. But then when I go out, I don't experience.

[Matt Besser]

It just kicks in.

[Adam Carolla]

Something kicks in. But that has to be with experience, because I used to be a mess up on stage doing open mics too.

[Matt Besser]

Yeah, I guess it's all about stakes with me. I'm rarely nervous, but if I feel there's something at stake, sometimes I can get nervous still, even.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want people, familiar faces in the audience? Because I don't.

[Matt Besser]

Interesting. I don't like preaching to the converted sometimes. Like, I perform at my theater a lot, and if I feel like there's a lot of improv students or something like that, that. But I'd rather not have that. So I do like the challenge of this is just a real audience, if that's what you're asking.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, like that thing where it's like a lot of people, I don't get it, but it's cause I fucked up wiring. But they go like. Well, people say, like, well, I had my mom and my dad there, and my wife was there, so they were all there to support me. So I really felt support. And it's like, that would fucking freak me out where I, like, looked out and saw my mom sitting there. Like, I feel like it would pull me right out of there.

[Matt Besser]

Like Tom Hanks dad in Punchline, he starts flipping out. His doctor dad's there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't. I wouldn't want that at all?

[Matt Besser]

No. That familiar? Definitely not. I thought you meant just like fans, but like people you actually know personally. I definitely don't. You see their face and then all you're like, how is their face reacting?

[Adam Carolla]

And then to watch your dad texting while you're sitting there trying to get through your little Letterman look at his watch.

[Matt Besser]

Yeah, my dad being able to text just surprised me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I'm saying. It really freaked you out. So the stand up special is out as we speak. And you can also then see the UCB show as well. Thursday. Right. New episodes on. See, like S E E. So cso. And it's cool. I love all the venues. I love the fact that guys like you can just go out and find a place. Like just go. Like, maybe it's not on a traditional network, but. But your audience can find you.

[Matt Besser]

Yeah. And that is what's so great now. And that's what's so great about podcasts, too. It used to be I gotta wait for Comedy Central to say yes to me or perhaps one of the three networks during pilot season, but now it does seem even the weirdest ideas can find a home.

[Adam Carolla]

So you went to Amherst, like Lord Jeff Amherst?

[Matt Besser]

Yeah. And they just banned that name. When I went there, I was like.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they banned the mascot. Right?

[Matt Besser]

The mascot or Jeffrey Amherst?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You can't. That's Dr. Drew.

[Matt Besser]

Did he.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy's a white guy with blonde hair. Which is weird because normally you ban the Indian mascot. This is banning the white guy who poisoned the Indians.

[Giovanni]

Finally, you got opportunity.

[Adam Carolla]

Banning.

[Matt Besser]

Yeah, but I grew up a Arkansas Razorback fan, and that's probably one of the coolest mascots, the hog. But. But then when I went there, I was like, lord Jeffrey. That's even a lame name. Jeffrey can be massive femme name. And everyone in Division 3, the EAF men, were our rival. Like, what kind of mascot names are those?

[Adam Carolla]

But that's a good school. I mean, scholastically. So you must have. Your parents must have had some dreams for you other than this.

[Matt Besser]

They did.

[Adam Carolla]

What did they think you were gonna do?

[Matt Besser]

Funny enough, they thought I was gonna be an investment banker like my dad. I took Econ 101 the first semester there, and I fucking did so horribly. I was like, I cannot fucking do this. All I was good at was smoking pot and collecting CDs at that point. Pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

But you were able to get good grades and do well on your sats.

[Matt Besser]

Up till that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that the kind of thing where your parents can Just sort of will you through it, like get you a tutor, get you a SAT study class and all the kit and the whole thing and just kind of, they can push you through it. Then once you get out of the nest, you're on your own with the Wii and you go, fuck it.

[Matt Besser]

It is that way. My mom was so instrumental. Like you're saying she not my dad as much, but my mom was from a very, very early age pushing me, pushing me. When we got the letter of acceptance, she was crying. It was her Super Bowl. And then I just completely fucked it all up because I was a terrible student. Once I went to college and I thought I was smart until I got there too. I'm like, oh, these people are smart.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm not smart. Did you have to explain to them at some point that you're gonna drop out? Did you graduate? Were you graduating? I did tell em about comedy.

[Matt Besser]

Those kind of colleges, they don't let you fail. It's like you either get an A or you get a c. There's no Fs or Ds. They don't let you do that. So I didn't fail out. They never really knew when I did say I was gonna do comedy. They were pretty supportive actually. But I do remember people from my hometown laughing and going, you wasted your.

[Adam Carolla]

Parent, the education that you got from.

[Matt Besser]

Your parents on doing comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Ha. Well, you had a pretty good one, but it's still kind of, I mean, I know it's. I don't know, it's not hip anymore, but kind of nice to pull that out every once in a while and tell people you went to Amherst, right? Yeah, I think I'd feel pretty good about that.

[Matt Besser]

Pretty good. Pretty good. I did feel good. Another thing I thought I was, I thought I was an athlete. I played soccer in high school and this is in Little Rock, Arkansas. And back then soccer was kind of new. Like in the 80s and especially in the south, the sports were football and basketball. And if you were too skinny like me to play those, you played this new sport, soccer. And I was. Since the athletes weren't in soccer, I was one of the best soccer players. We went to state. We were the best in Little Rock. I was being. And there wasn't YouTube so there was no proof of how bad or good you were online that a coach could look at. So I went up to these Division 3 schools and the coach would walk me around campus and treat me like I was a stud. And I was actually considering, I don't know if I Want to go to Williams. Their program's not as good as Amherst. And first day of Amherst, I'm on the floor with a bunch of other guys, were like, let's go. So let's go down the field and play some soccer. And we're all running down there. I'm like, why are these football players all running down there to play soccer? And then I realized, oh, they're the soccer players. They have muscles. And when we start playing, they're fucking checking me. And I'm like, oh, my God. I didn't know soccer could be physical. And then I wasn't even good enough to sit on the bench in varsity. I was sitting on the bench in jv, and then I was like, all right, I just suck at soccer. Where's that bum that I've been hearing about?

[Adam Carolla]

Almost the exact same thing with football, which, again, is what we talk about, the purity of sports. Like, doesn't matter who your dad is. Doesn't matter what you do or what color your skin is. Like, if you're no good, it'll be Jack. They'll just toss you. They'll just weed your ass right, right out. And it weeds you out with. No. Everyone I know who's into music and. Or into comedy and in their 40s and hasn't made a penny doing either one still talks about. You know, I'm thinking about moving to Nashville because I got. I met a dude. It's always some D they met, and he saw a lot in me. And I'm thinking about. But you never sit around and go think about taking another run at soccer. I might start on an international level and then maybe work my way back to la. You know, I might start out. Maybe I'll pick a smaller European country to play for something or do Premier League first.

[Giovanni]

I'll save that for maybe year two.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Once you stop playing soccer at that level, you have these little dreams, these little thoughts that last for about a year. It's you coasting to a stop. Like, maybe I'll really get in shape, make a comeback. But 18 months after you played, you lace up your Cleveland, you're fucking on to the next thing. There's never any discussion of making a comeback.

[Matt Besser]

And now this makes me think of Peyton, who will be watching this Sunday. How every time. Every time they're talking about him. He's the old man of football. He's so old. What, he's like, what, 39 or something? I'm like, he's fucking old. How does that make me, man?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, dad, he's not even 40. Makes us dead. No, it's weird. There's a weird thing when you become old. First thing is the first time you get pulled over by a 23 year old cop and you're like 46 and you just go, what? And you're like, listen. Yeah, like it's also weird when he's, he's, he's barking out orders to you and his voice is still changing and it's like kind of weird. And he just, he looks so fucking young. And especially in LA because they'll have an Asian or Hispanic guy who. I don't. 23 could mean 14, you know, like, I don't know. The first realization is getting pulled over by a super young cop.

[Giovanni]

Have you guys ever had a doctor or a nurse who was way younger than you? That's like all of a sudden, like, are you licensed? How can you be?

[Adam Carolla]

Now that makes sense. At a certain point you pass the players and then you start passing the coaches. Maybe not head coach, you know, not nor Levy, nor Turner Turner, sir. Marv Levy. I took two old guys, turned him into one super mummy coach. But the assistant coaches and stuff. The fucking full head of black hair. Yeah.

[Matt Besser]

How about pitching people in comedy who are in their 20s? That drives me fucking crazy. Yeah, you're gonna judge me?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're pitching. Yeah.

[Matt Besser]

You just graduated from Brown two years ago and all of a sudden you're an expert in comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

You're really. Comedy is one of those things where there's occasional phenoms who are 23, but really you shouldn't know shit at 23. You could have some ability and some potential and some whatever, but you really have no seasoning at all.

[Matt Besser]

You have no life experience to talk about. So your comedy just runs out of, of pop culture references at some point. And it's like you gotta live life now. You gotta have some tragedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, speaking of that, should we do a little news? Gina Grad?

[Gina Grad]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do that. Yeah, Go ahead, give me the News with Grad. News with Gina Grad. Showbiz Congress Tech News, Sports news, World News. Give me News with Gina Grad with Shit Outta Florida Sex Surveys. Obama Meet News with Gina Gina News with Gina Grad. Ah, first, let me tell you more stories. Podcast 1. We Love Jay Moore. God, this guy's talented. We'll get him on this show real soon. I'll be on his show real soon. Moore stories on podcast one. Go to podcast one. Listen to 200 plus podcasts and let's focus on more stories with Jay Moore. Great guy, good guy and gets good guess. Leno, Charlie Sheen, Judd Apatow, just to name a few. You can download the podcast one app and you can go to the app store, Google play and check it out, podcast one and give it a nice review. What am I hearing? Hey, remember that time I fucked those guys and they fucked me? Jay Moore, Jay Moore, everybody at his finest.

[Gina Grad]

Well, all three Orange county jail escapees are back in custody after Bok Duong turned himself in in Santa Ana, California. And Jonathan Tu and Jose Nayeri were caught in San Francisco after someone recognized their van. Meanwhile, a woman named Nooshafarin Ravagi who was an English as a second language teacher at the jail. She's now under arrest for allegedly giving the men tools to plan their escape, like a Google image of the jail's roof. Authorities say she and escapee Hossein Nyeri became very close the past several months. Even though Nayeri already speaks English. They're not saying whether there was a relationship there, if it was romantic, but the two were very close and shared an Iranian heritage. So they are looking into that.

[Adam Carolla]

She was visiting. Like she was working in the prison.

[Giovanni]

Yes, she was a teacher.

[Gina Grad]

She was an ESL teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

And he was trying to learn English, although he spoke English.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Probably had a plan.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably had a plan. And then he was asking.

[Matt Besser]

Looking to learn geography, apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

Really, really local. Yeah, really local.

[Matt Besser]

Really interested.

[Adam Carolla]

This mile radius. How vulnerable. Look, here's my. What do you guys think of this? Because this is not the first time this happened. When the chick, when the single chick says, yeah, I'd like to go into the prison three days a week and spend some time with the fellows. She's out. I don't want her. It's like I said, who wants to take the kids camping? The dude's hand flies up, you're out. You should. No. No. Fucking woman that has a good relationship or great self image or is comfortable with her body or whatever, doesn't have a collection of clogs and cats should ever even want to go into that place. Only super emotionally vulnerable women. And so for the first time ever, they're going into a place and a guy's going, wow, you really have caring eyes. Has anyone ever.

[Giovanni]

No one's ever.

[Adam Carolla]

No one's ever told me that.

[Giovanni]

No one's ever told you that.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Giovanni]

All your 22 years on this are so you.

[Adam Carolla]

You're so beautiful. Really?

[Gina Grad]

Because I'm supposed to just wear these state issued.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I can see they fit your shape. I mean, while a lot of people would call it robust, here, it's a very sought after build.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you on the Internet?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Cause you, you look so amazing. Did you say you were single?

[Gina Grad]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I gotta tell you that that is their loss. They're between 3,500 and 3,700 fells. Including the guards. I include the guards and the warden in here that would love to take you out to a nice dinner.

[Gina Grad]

I'm so flushed.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever been on Google Earth?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, once or twice. I've googled some things.

[Adam Carolla]

I hear you could even see the roof of the prison from outer space.

[Gina Grad]

You don't say?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, wow. Kind of weird, right?

[Matt Besser]

Those are some firm breasts. Can you fit a saw beneath them? Can you hold a saw between those?

[Gina Grad]

I don't know if I believe you. Let me google that and check.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, go ahead and check that.

[Gina Grad]

I'll be damned. It's right here.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I take a look? Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

See if you don't believe me. Why do you not believe me? Here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, look at that. Look at the ducting vent over there. Right by the parapet.

[Gina Grad]

See? I know how to Google. You didn't think I knew how to Google, but I know how to Google.

[Adam Carolla]

Gals as pretty as you, usually they're pretty useless around the computer. Oh, you know this is the only English I speak.

[Giovanni]

I know. I'm enrolled in your rotation and Google questions.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's only complimentary English, like I can't ask where the bathroom is. I can say that. Sure is a fancy bathroom. Uh huh.

[Gina Grad]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

You see what I'm saying? I do.

[Gina Grad]

You should probably come twice a week then. All right, make it three times.

[Adam Carolla]

So all women who either work in a prison or volunteer in a prison are super vulnerable, right? I mean, they do that all the time. Who does ISIS recruit? Not super happy teens that on their way to an Ivy League school. No, it's like disgruntled, angry young men get into the gang, get into the. So they prey on that. I don't know. Maybe we should only have women who are happily married, super high confidence, feeling really good about themselves, CFOs only. Only who are in very committed relationships. Okay, can't have the single cat lady.

[Giovanni]

Remember the one woman in the previous story for maybe six months ago? She was married. I don't know how well the relationship was doing, but she was married.

[Gina Grad]

Working in the seamstress show.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say saying blowing the convict in the laundry would suggest that her relationship was past the honeymoon phase.

[Giovanni]

That's a check in the, in the con category.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I literally. A con category category? Yes. So we need to do a little psychological profiling because they're vulnerable. They're gonna start giving away information and hacksaw blades.

[Gina Grad]

Now she's gonna be in prison, so it's not gonna matter, but she'll know what the top of the jail looks like.

[Matt Besser]

The aspect that hits me is I feel like I would never be able to figure out how to escape from jail. But I also feel like once I was escaped, you would never catch me. Don't you feel like you could find a place to get away?

[Gina Grad]

Well, that's the funny thing about these guys is one of them was picked up in Santa Ana. I mean, they didn't get very far.

[Matt Besser]

I can figure out a way to not be found.

[Gina Grad]

Do you feel like that was so creepy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, it's always the vehicle that gives it away because it's not like we're sitting around going, hey, that 28 year old Vietnamese guy, you know who he looks like? Everyone else from Vietnam. Well, it's true. We couldn't really identify the guy, but we can identify that there's a Ford Aerostar that's stolen in white van. And that's the van. It's always the van that gives it away. These guys were on mountain bikes, you'd never suspect it. You've never. All you need is blend right in mountain bikes and the right apparel, you know, like, like some cargo shorts and some of those, like off road boots or whatever to look those, that just this looking right, like a fanny pack, you know. All you gotta do is steal a mountain bike and you're fucking home free. Yeah, you steal a van, everyone's looking for you. Yep, that's a good thing. Tip. Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

Well, meanwhile, Fox News reports that a Southern California patrol deputy lost an AR15 Tuesday after placing it on the trunk of a patrol vehicle and driving away before realizing his weapon was missing. And apparently they still haven't found it. The deputy was getting ready to start his shift at the Aliso Viejo station and placed the rifle in a black nylon bag with three loaded magazines on the trunk. He got distracted and drove off with the weapon still on the car. The department is urging whoever finds it, please turn it in. They didn't specify whether the cop was gonna be punished or not, but they are still looking for the rifle.

[Adam Carolla]

I've tried to explain to people that they're not that good and they're not that smart and the car and or car bumper is the worst. Yep, you fucking come out.

[Giovanni]

How many cups of coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to have a truck that had like the step bumper on it where you could just set it down. Like if it's. Now everything's streamlined and everything, but you'd set that mug down on there and then something. Then there's always a. Just. There's always something that happens. And that's why you're not that good. Because this guy will tell you, no, I put the AR15 on the trunk. I was going to go get it and get the car. Then I get the phone call, the phone call from the wife. The wife wants to know what I need from the Costco. And next thing you know I'm getting into the car with the AR15 on the trunk of the Crown Vic. Yes, you're not that good. Don't ever set anything on your car. Also, it's insane how much stuff stays on your car when you get to your place.

[Gina Grad]

Groceries.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, just because it's fun, Gary. And we'll see if we can ever find this, but it's probably on Carcast. I had a. Maybe Chris can find it. So I'm up at Laguna Seca up north, right, right around where they captured these fugitives. And I'm doing a race, but it's not a real race. It's a come on out, bring your race car and get some track time at the Laguna Seca race. So they're guys there with crazy, crazy race cars, brand new race cars, Mercedes Benz, like $40 million race car, like on loan from the Mercedes museum and shit like that. Everyone's just got all their crazy shit out there and everyone's doing their testing, trying to get some track time, get some seat time in your car, dial the thing in. And I go out there with my group of idiots. Everyone else is out there with a semi truck with an elevator and shit in it. And they're driving their Cobras and their Bugattis and their crazy Ferrari GTOs like multi million. And I'm out there in my Datsuns with my band of idiots who they're not that good at what they do, but I like traveling with them. You have to travel with these people. Like it's like traveling with an opening act that's not really that funny, but a great hang. You know, you have to decide it's going to be a lot more time with us in airports and us hanging out at diners and strip clubs than it's going to be he or she doing 20 minutes up on stage, I'll put up with it. So I go out onto the track and I do a lap and I'm going around turn five, I think, and coming up the hill for turn six and I see this huge tire pressure gauge. It's a big round, it's expensive one, It's a nice one. It's a huge one with the long hose on it and it's sitting directly in the middle of the track. And my first thing is always like, how do we fuck this up? This must be us because my guys are fuck ups. And then my next thought is, I've already done a lap and that wasn't there when I did my first lap lap. So how could it be for me, it couldn't have been stuck halfway in the tire and I took off or sitting on the roof of the car. It was a fucking race car. I'm sliding all over the track. This can't be. Then it was directly in the middle of the track. And then the next lap it was destroyed when somebody ran it over. And then of course when I got back into the pits, I was like, man, turns out there's somebody dumber than us at this racetrack in amongst all these guys that are super millionaires who drive these super, super well kept cars that they don't even prep their own cars. They're kept at a super expensive garage where the guys do all the prepping and bring them out there in the semi trucks and everything like that. Then I get back and I talk to Les with the big gut slopping over shorts, wearing the 510 shirt. And he's like, that was my new tire pressure gauge. And I was like, how was it your new tire pressure gauge? He's like, I set it on the back of your Datsun race car Z car. But the thing has like a whale tail that like comes up and wraps around. So as he sat it there, it actually had like a weird cove around.

[Gina Grad]

It did its own lap.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you accelerate, it just pushed up against the rim of the whale tail.

[Giovanni]

It goes off your laps.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then I slid on that corner and did a weird fishtail, whatever. And that's when I shook it loose. But it was a weird thing where I was like driving up the middle of the track looking at this huge tire pressure checker going, going, who's this stupid? And then I thought, only us. And then I thought, but impossible because it was not there the previous laugh.

[Matt Besser]

Well, guess what still made it all the way around.

[Adam Carolla]

The coffee was still on the roof. Of the car. Chris. Gary. Chris can find that? I don't know. Yeah, I'm looking. We're both looking. It's. Let's see. Would have been rich white guy race, as we call it. And it probably would have been like 2011, maybe 12. Figure it out, Laguna sake. We'll figure out and you guys will have a laugh. All right, what else we got?

[Gina Grad]

And you know how you didn't realize it for a couple of laps? This guy didn't realize his rifle was missing for seven hours. Cream of the clock.

[Matt Besser]

He didn't have to shoot someone in seven hours. That's irresponsible.

[Gina Grad]

Quiet day in Aliso Viejo.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah. The policy. And also should. I don't know, should, you know, the case is black. I'm guessing the deck lid of the trunk is black. No. Let shit just be bright orange like we talked about.

[Giovanni]

At least I'm part of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Every leather key fob is black. And every carpet and seat and every car is black. And when it falls down in between the seat and the transmission tunnel, it's just this weird leather black thing and a sea of black leather.

[Gina Grad]

All right, well, in SAG Award news, NBC reports that the journalism drama Spotlight won the SAG ensemble cast award over the weekend. Meanwhile, Leonardo DiCaprio won for outstanding male lead in the Revenant. Brie Larson won for outstanding female lead in Room Orange Is the New Black won for ensemble comedy series. Idris Elba won for both for TV miniseries for Luther as well as supporting role in a motion picture for Beasts of no Nation. I have a clip of Michael Keaton speaking on behalf of the Spotlight cast. Had to say a few things about a few other things.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to see Beast of no Nation?

[Gina Grad]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that good?

[Gina Grad]

Yes, but it's very hard to watch. It's about child soldiers.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it's a like Hunger Games.

[Gina Grad]

No, it's about recruiting kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm out.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly. I'm out recruiting kids to fight your war.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dr. Drew]

This is really for the disenfranchised everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

This is for every Flint, Michigan, in the world. World. This is for the powerless. This is for the powerful who take advantage of the powerless. And you can hang me for that. I don't really care.

[Dr. Drew]

That's why I'm proud to be part of this.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a hero. Thank you very much. It comes down to two things.

[Dr. Drew]

There's fair and there's unfair.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm always going to vote for the fair. I'm always going to pull for the good guys.

[Dr. Drew]

Thanks for this.

[Adam Carolla]

This means a lot. Sorry, Keaton, but that is colossally blowhardy.

[Giovanni]

It's weird that he found a receptive audience at the saga.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I love what he said. You can hang me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why are we hanging him?

[Matt Besser]

Because he said he was.

[Giovanni]

He's righteous. Get him.

[Adam Carolla]

So he comes down on. On the side of the powerless. Right. And the poor. He wants the franchisees or the disenfranchised. I'm pretty sure.

[Giovanni]

Guys, we checked that again.

[Gina Grad]

I'll have to watch that.

[Giovanni]

I think he said disenfranchised.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll show you the camera and you can see it. Adamcroll.com or carcast.com but if you see. You will see this huge thing sitting in the middle of the track. Or maybe that's. Oh, there it is. Yeah. By the way, when I say middle of the track, I mean the middle. It's not 8 inches to the right or 8 inches to the left at that speed.

[Giovanni]

Did you know what it was?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Besser]

How'd you see it, though?

[Adam Carolla]

I have hyper.

[Giovanni]

If you're in that world, you probably.

[Adam Carolla]

I have hypervigilance disorder. I knew there was something on the track and I assumed there's not. There's not too many things. It would have been somebody else. I narrowed down. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Breathing operations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I knew it was something, and maybe it was the second lap that I had to sort of digest it. But then this is how you knocked it loose. If you want to take a look at that. This is me knocking it loose. That's me going sideways. Sideways and more sight. That's. They call them tank slappers. That's you getting loose.

[Gina Grad]

You do that on purpose?

[Adam Carolla]

Because that was pretty crazy. No, I don't do that on purpose. I try to. Not try to avoid that, but I saved it. Didn't come all the way around.

[Gina Grad]

So you might be the only person on earth that doesn't assume something sitting in the middle of the road is alive or some sort of animal. You see a plastic bag, you immediately think it's a dog or.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if I see, like, a piece of carpet remnant rolled up in the distance, I always assume that's a homeless guy got run over. Like, I always do that negative math. But on the racetrack, there's almost nothing ever. Almost. I've never seen any debris that hasn't been tool or car related. Once in a while, somebody will throw a rod or something. Like something will blow up and there'll be some parts or something will hit your windshield or something like that. But best tool of Car. I got a good look at that thing. But yeah, I probably, if I didn't do the crazy slide out tank slapping probably could have made it back in a pit with less is brand new, but it is one of those funny things where I just went, hey, there's somebody dumber than us here. And there isn't. No, there isn't. Turns out there's not.

[Gina Grad]

Well, the latest Republican debate went on last Thursday night without Donald Trump. And with Trump boycotting, Senator Ted Cruz slid into the frontrunner spot and took most of the fire from his rivals. Senator Marco Rubio blasted Cruz, saying his campaign is a lie because he wasn't being truthful about his flip flops on immigration. Senator Rand Paul piled on saying Cruz had an authenticity problem. Ted was not happy with the idea that everyone was picking on him and said so during the broadcast. Here's a clip.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris. I would note that the last four questions had been, Rand, please attack Ted. Marco, please attack Ted. Chris, please attack Ted. Jeb, please attack Ted. What are they doing? Let me just say this. It is a debate, sir. Well, no, no. A debate actually is a policy issue. But I will say this.

[Giovanni]

Gosh, if you guys ask one more.

[Adam Carolla]

Main question, I may have to leave the stage. You know what? It's starting to strike me. I was sort of thinking about this. Like, in the future, every president is going to be like, they will have graduated from the groundlings, not Harvard. Like Jeff Ross for President. Adam. Sorry, sorry, ucb.

[Matt Besser]

It is more like a snap battle these days. Trump has taken it that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, we don't. You can sit around and talk about the deficit till everyone's fucking blue in the face and everyone just sits there and goes, yeah, I don't know, I don't care. But when the other guy snaps the other guy's jockstrap, we want that guy. I was literally thinking, I know this sounds insanely pompous, but I was like, oh, I'd kick all these guys asses. Like, I'd have no foreign policy or anything. I'd just be up there working the room, busting everyone's chops. And I swear to God, it's just like Trump. Look, Trump is mildly amused.

[Giovanni]

That's kind of what he's doing. He's doing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all he's doing. Trump. Trump is one of those guys who's. It's a funny four. It's like she's hot for a fill.

[Giovanni]

In the blank News girl podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Someone who visits someone at a prison. But what I'm saying He is. Trump is not funny, but he's funny for a rich politician, you know, developer for guys, guys who develop golf courses traditionally were class clown of their high school. I feel pretty safe in that statement. But compared to Jeb Bush and even Obama and everybody else who sort of. Bob is loose at least. But I mean all these guys who've come before him, him, he's a fucking nonstop laugh riot. And he's just riding that because evidently we don't have any substance. We don't care anymore. We're just all here to see the show. So it strikes me that if you had a guy and you took a dude like Baldwin and you went Baldwin just back off on the fucking environment and the ozone and what's going on in Mozambique and the fucking deficit and leaving your children a better one. Just start, make a well timed crack, go that dude. Go out there and do De Niro. When you're like answering the guy, threaten him in your De Niro. Yeah, do that and you get everyone's vote.

[Matt Besser]

It used to be people would think if you can't be that you can't be off the cuff because you might offend people. And he's proven people like that people want you to offend people. Let's get on board then.

[Adam Carolla]

I think if you're grooming your next politician, it's a little less on the talking points and a little more on the take the UCB class. Like get.

[Giovanni]

If you can think on your feet, I think you're perceived to be intelligent. Cause you can think quickly and react.

[Gina Grad]

And at the very least sort of evolve your charisma.

[Adam Carolla]

And ultimately we're all just voting for the person we kind of like or want to hang with or something. Like we can't help it. So yeah, just fucking get in there and start cracking wise. But in the future, it used to be whatever was. It's like sports announcers, espn, whatever. In the past, any sense of humor was considered strike one. Like we don't. You deliver that sports, you do it in a very earnest way with a lot of gravitas. We don't need any wisecrack. Well now having a sense now they're all climbing all over each other to do funny things and be funny and do little bits and sketches and whatever formerly had no place in the broadcast booth at all. And just like that's probably gonna go the way the dodo. There's not Troy Aikman and Joe Bucks.

[Giovanni]

I don't feel like the booth is the last bastion. But look, SportsCenter you know, Kenny Maine and Keith Olbermann. These guys were hilarious. For sportscasters.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? I think when it comes to politicians, this is gonna be a new thing. And we don't care what Hillary Clinton knows about foreign policy. She seems uptight.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's not funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't wanna hang with her. And this guy seems like a guy who's gonna bust some chop.

[Matt Besser]

We need to get Jesse Ventura to take him on. That's the type of guy who could hang. Or like Dee Snider from Twisted Sister or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, Dee Snider, please.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like me some deep. Some Dee Schneider.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and speaking of that, I'll have it for tomorrow because I totally forgot about it until this moment. Did you hear about Bernie Sanders folk album?

[Adam Carolla]

I recently heard about it. Yeah. It's old.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And, like, it's just now coming to light and it's amazing. Like, he does this land is your land. And it is excruciating.

[Adam Carolla]

But. But for comic effect, Right?

[Gina Grad]

I don't know if he knew that. I think this guy, the guy who produced the album, said, wouldn't it be super weird if we got Bernie to do this? And Bernie said, this land is your land and kind of talks it and it's really.

[Adam Carolla]

But I guess it. I don't know. Shatner maybe doesn't know it, but like Leonard Nimoy when he would sing. But don't. You know? Like, I feel like. Like, I don't know why, but the sound is physically leaving your face. Aren't you the first person who want to know. Aren't you literally the first? Why? Max Apata. Hey, you're in a band. Sure. Why are people so insanely delusional that they don't know that they can sing? Like, I get it. You're Yoko Ono. You just want to fucking annoy the world. Like, I get you're some sort of annoying ambassador. Like, your job is just to roam the earth, annoying the fuck out of everyone. But there are people that just can't sing worth a shit who actually think they can sing. I think it just takes one person.

[Giovanni]

Like, if you sing in front of.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone and they said, hey, you have a pretty good voice, and it just clicks right there. Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a star.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and you see that on American Idol. You see that on all those shows.

[Matt Besser]

It's always their lying parents.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like Bernie Sanders is smart enough to know that that was a goof, or at least his own weird version of it. And I think the guy who Produced. It would do that. He'd find politicians and people that were out of the industry per se and have him do it. I don't know. Do we have some.

[Gina Grad]

Gary, do you happen to have.

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't you find it? I'll tell you what I'll look for.

[Matt Besser]

He made this while he was a politician.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was a mayor somewhere. Anyway, texture.com that's the whole point. We don't even know where Bernie Sanders came from. But we all know Trump and he hates Megyn Kelly. That's who we are. New Year's resolution Hobby. What do you got? Get into shape. Clothes. What, what? What I say. How about texture?

[Giovanni]

Cars, racing, whatever you're into.

[Adam Carolla]

Texture.com, what you do with texture. It's awesome. Especially if you travel a lot. You can have all the magazines. Men's Health and GQ and Wire, Rolling Stone, everything. Sports, cars, whatever. It's all there. And it's unlimited access. And it's really the weight. Like, I mean, you put together a couple of GQ magazines. Have fun making it through the airport without stopping at the chiropractor. Unlimited access to all your favorite magazines for less than the price of three at the grocery store. And you can choose from back issues as well. And the stuff that's on the news stand today. So you can try it out for free right now when you go to texture.com Adam, take advantage. Try it for free. Texture.com Adam, if you're doing anything where you have to wait anywhere for any time, we just got some downtime. Get texture. Just read it right off your phone or your tablet, whatever. All right. We'll try to find that song. We'll do one more story. What do you got?

[Gina Grad]

Well, Michael Phelps stole the show at Thursday night's Arizona State basketball game when he joined the student section for its famous curtain of distraction, which I can't.

[Giovanni]

Believe they're allowed to academy what that is.

[Gina Grad]

Have you. Do you know about this? Instead of, you know, waving stuff and distracting the free throw guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it had something to do with. I thought it had something to do with vaginal rejuvenation.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. And it's also this. They open up a curtain and, you know, they'll be some sort of absurd skit or, you know, crazy person running around. Well, this time it was Michael Phelps, the 18 time Olympic gold medal swimmer he now lives in.

[Adam Carolla]

I still say that's a fluke.

[Giovanni]

The 18 time Goldman.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like I could have done that.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, you can accidentally win. At least Baker's Dozen, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I feel like jury's out on Fields. Yeah, 14 or 15 of those were just kind of lucky.

[Giovanni]

I don't think he even knew he was a swimmer for the first six or seven goals stretching in the water.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we love sports.

[Gina Grad]

He appeared behind the curtain of distraction as a visiting player was at the foul line wearing only a speedo, a swim cap and all of his gold medals. He came out, did a little dance. He was flanked by two doughy shirtless guys. Allah, Chris Farley and the bow tie. Here's a clip.

[Giovanni]

Using Tempe as his home.

[Adam Carolla]

The curtain of distraction, he lines up.

[Giovanni]

And they open it up. Gary, I know there's your rivals, but this is pretty great.

[Adam Carolla]

This is good. I will absolutely admit that this is very throw and it worked.

[Gina Grad]

And one more distraction. Crazy. They're allowed to do this.

[Adam Carolla]

You know why this is great?

[Giovanni]

Cuz Michael was such a good swimmer.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't go to college.

[Giovanni]

So he's getting his college acceptance out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Again, the. Let's see if he makes a. It's so perfect. It's perfect that he missed the most. And they said, and if you're the guy at the stripe, you're a little disappointed in the moment. But historically good that you missed them both. That'll be something you'll look back on 20 years from now and just. Otherwise no one will have ever heard of you. You missing them both. Perfect.

[Gina Grad]

And by the way, an additional 1 to 2 point advantage per home game with the curtain.

[Giovanni]

I believe they're allowed the percentages on the road of opponents free throws is something like a 20 point differential. Like it's significant.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what I don't get is like in golf you have to shut the fuck up. The guy's putting. I don't know what's the difference between a six foot putt and a 13 foot free throw?

[Giovanni]

I can't believe this is legal. I think it's funny, but I'm totally shocked I get away with with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, maybe it's 12 foot, 10ft. 10ft. 10ft, 10ft up.

[Giovanni]

10Ft up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was doing it metrically. Makes sense either way, it should either be legal or not. But let's have more of this.

[Giovanni]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And then at some point, this is.

[Giovanni]

What the Internet's for, people.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody's gonna. The good news about this is I'll tell you how it's gonna go away. Somebody is gonna come out and they're going to be doing their version of Obama and they're gonna have blackface or something and something. That's all. It's all gonna go. Somebody's gonna do something that has to do with Caitlyn Jenner or something like that.

[Giovanni]

The Kaylee Anthony curtain.

[Adam Carolla]

Distractions.

[Giovanni]

Could be awful.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all. It'll be one. It'll be just a. They're gonna ratchet it up and ratchet up and ratchet up.

[Matt Besser]

Female.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever it is, is. We'll be having that conversation where somebody goes, I can't believe this was passed by 20 people and they thought it was a good idea. Like, how come nobody. Or it'll be like, in this day and age, how come no one said, there'll just be one.

[Giovanni]

It'll just keep it.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll ratchet up. They'll cross the line. It'll be something racially driven or something. It'll be completely misconstrued. But either way, that'll be the end of that.

[Gina Grad]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Gina Grad]

That's exactly how it's gonna end. Okay, so I think we have a little taste of Bernie singing, if you like.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Come on.

[Matt Besser]

You can at least have fish.

[Adam Carolla]

As I went walking that rivet of highway I saw above me that endless skyward I saw below me that golden valley.

[Giovanni]

This land was made for you.

[Adam Carolla]

And me all right. He knows he can't. He's just talking.

[Giovanni]

There's more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's more.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

He didn't look like he was in on the joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's. First off, he's Jewish, so they invented comedy, those people. Number one. Like, he's. He's. He's not dumb, and he's just talking. I don't. I don't think.

[Giovanni]

I think he knows that's a goof.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Well, I. I don't think if he had then done subsequent albums or arranged a tour or something, then I would think that's a guy thought he could sing. Somebody roped him. It wasn't his idea. And he looks like he's 53 to 60 at the time. So it's like, you don't just go, oh, I can sing now.

[Giovanni]

Now's my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think somebody grabbed him and he just. He just walked his way through it. He doesn't strike me as a guy who got a ton of pussy in high school.

[Giovanni]

No. Never thought that.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I wouldn't bet on that.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we could. Do you think we could find guys that were in their, you know, early 70s and go, that guy, fucking dick never saw sunlight. And that guy never got laid?

[Giovanni]

I think Bill Clinton, he's probably about 70 by now, isn't he?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Bill Clinton probably did pretty well. He's a personality guy, you know what I mean? I'm sure he was very charming, good looking guy. But Bernie, I think you're right, is a guy who probably was.

[Matt Besser]

On the other hand, who's gotten more pussy than Clinton?

[Gina Grad]

There's a yearbook picture of Bernie. I'm not feeling it.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And he probably had the same.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, but he was captain of the track team.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll bet you it was long distance. He had to run long distance. Keep running. All right, let's bring it home.

[Gina Grad]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina, Gina. That was the news with Gina Grad. Yeah. You wouldn't have to run if you had TrueCar, baby. You could drive, man. Drive the old lady's Jaguar?

[Giovanni]

No, I used TrueCar. And we got our new car. Oh, we just got the new one. It's parked outside. I got here after you. We got a quote from the dealer. First thing I did, went right to TrueCar to see where the dealer's quotes stacked up. And it was a good deal. But first thing I noticed.

[Gina Grad]

You wouldn't have known.

[Giovanni]

I wouldn't have known. I said to Chrissy, we're going to write to TrueCar. I said, why? I said, we're gonna know how good this deal stacks up.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd you get?

[Giovanni]

Got a new version of the BMW X3, but that's another one where they have the diesel, the V8, the V6, blah, blah, blah, blah. You got to know what you're getting.

[Adam Carolla]

Apples to apples. True Car, baby. You get the Apple app, put it in your phone, put it in your computer, put it in your iPad, whatever you got, put it everywhere. Get your weekends back. No more walking around kicking tires, man. Save time, save money, never overpay. Download the TrueCar app today and then just. No, I think that's all we want. I mean, whether you're buying a car or refrigerator or whoever, whatever. It's just. You want to know that's the price.

[Giovanni]

Absolutely. I'm terrified of getting ripped off. Whether it's whatever you're getting, that's what.

[Adam Carolla]

You get with True Car. And save on average, over three grand off of msrp. True Car baby. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Before we wrap it up real quick, I want to talk about, Just mention Improv for Humans, your podcast. I'm a huge fan.

[Adam Carolla]

I listen all the time.

[Giovanni]

And if anyone out there is interested in improv. It's not instructional per se, but if you Listen enough and listen to enough episodes. You'll pick up on a lot of terms, instructions, good habits. It's really good. I like it a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

I would go to Matt Besser with two T's and two S's if. And you want to find out anything. Yeah. Is that a good place to go? Sure. Yeah. And Ciso as well. New shows coming out on streaming, I should say. Yeah. It's not even coming out.

[Gina Grad]

It just is.

[Adam Carolla]

It just is Thursday. All right. It's gonna launch January 7th. Oh, it launched, sorry, January 7th. Matt Besser, us. Let's see. Know first couple, Denver. Coming up, St. Louis, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland. All live podcasts, so check that out. European summer tour coming as well. So go to AdamCarolla.com and find out what's going on and have some Mangria and all that kind of good stuff. Until next time. Oh, Russell Simmons is on Take a Knee. So you want to check that out as well. Shark tanks. Russell Simmons, huh? Interesting. All right, that's a typo.

[Gina Grad]

It's a new version.

[Adam Carolla]

So till next time, Adam Crawford, Matt Best, Ser. Gina Grad. And bald Brian saying, mahalo, I didn't have a dog and I didn't need my. All right, that's Adam Cole Show 1747. Coming up next, we have Adam Krillis.

[Giovanni]

Show 1740, featuring the great Michael McKean, Dr. Bruce, Gina Grad, Brian Bishop, also from 2016.

[Adam Carolla]

Not only is Dr. Bruce in studio. Yeah. But Michael McKeon is here. Huge fan. Better Call Saul, of course. But I go all the way back to Lenny and Squiggy. I was just thinking about that. And also, I mean, Spinal Tendency, to me, just one of the greatest a genre making movie, but one of the greatest laugh for laugh comedies ever. And nailed. I was literally, oh, good day, Gina Grant. Good day to you. Handballed Brian.

[Dr. Drew]

You raised Vera Chal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we were. Mike August and Mike lynch and I were driving, as you know, a few weeks ago, did a bunch of shows in upstate New York. We're driving all four from driving through Long island and places like that to upstate. And Mike lynch has a very eclectic taste in music.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And he has on his iPhone 6000 songs. And we just tapped it into the Bluetooth and Mike sat in the back and put it on shuffle and let it go. Yep. And at a certain ipod roulette, at a certain point, a couple of Spinal Tap or a Spinal Tap song came up. It was listen to what the flower people have to say, which is so perfect. It was. Oh, it was all so perfect. It was also. It was also perfect. And I found myself saying, oh, we're everyone who writes songs. See that the comedy is this. This is every bit is good as any of any of those groups that came out of that era.

[Giovanni]

Slipped it into a collection from that era. Never been the wiser.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

You know those ones I sell on TV?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

Hits of 68.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes. That's why everybody in the Strawberry Alarm Clock should kill themselves. Because comedians who are doing a send up of you did a better job of. Or as good a job as you. Yeah. But I was like. It was so perfect. It was so perfect. And then I thought, and it's really the only way you can do parody. You have to. It has to be right on. And then just a little off. And then I started, I think about Tonight, I'm Gonna Rock youk Tonight, which is funny. I always thought it was just called Tonight I'm Gonna Rock Ya. But tonight I'm Gonna Rock youk Tonight. But there's a great line. My favorite line of all parody rock songs is, you're too young and I'm too well hung. Which is in the song. But then there's another one that comes as well, which. So we're just listening to Spinal Tap while we're driving through upstate New York. You're free to just fall be. And you still got your baby teeth. Too young and I'm too well. Huh? But then the one I missed, I think is coming up.

[Giovanni]

Instrumental break.

[Adam Carolla]

Fred Willard was great in this scene too. Your heart take off. We've got not a dry seat in the house next day. Not a dry seat in the house. I never even. I never even heard that right part. I was so fixated on. You're too young and I'm too well hung to. Not a dry seat in the house. All right. I love it. I love big bottom. How can I leave this behind? It's all so good.

[Gina Grad]

Genius.

[Adam Carolla]

There it goes. It's weird. I normally. When I. My approach to comedy is to normally go, please who, who cares? Or roll my eyes. But rarely are my jealousy. This is one of those. You see that movie if you're in the business, you see that movie and you get jealous.

[Giovanni]

They got it nailed. It blows a bullseye.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, it's also one of those. I could never do that kind of movies or creative endeavors. Well, this listed a little this.

[Giovanni]

The triple bass.

[Adam Carolla]

The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the portion. That's what I said. The looser the waistband, the deeper the quick sand hustle. I Have red. So I've read. I've always loved that. Like to sink her with my pink torpedo. Big bottom, Big bottom. Talk about bum cakes my girls got. Big bottom, drive me out of my mind. How could I leave this behind?

[Giovanni]

Pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all good. So I've read. I always forgot that. All right, we got it.

[Gina Grad]

And you know, he was nominated and won Grammys for A Mighty Wind as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

I love that soundtrack.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all so good. So, anyway, you'll have to endure Dr. Bruce, until we get Michael McKeon out here. Now, quickly. First I'm gonna see a question. Do not answer, but percolate on this stuff. Dr. Drew, every once in a while, comes up here. He's an alarmist. I'd say it's fair to say he's an alarmist. Dr. Drew.

[Dr. Drew]

He's anxious.

[Adam Carolla]

He's anxious.

[Giovanni]

The state of the world or about people?

[Adam Carolla]

Everything. Micro and macro.

[Dr. Drew]

Hyper vigilant.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got some thoughts about Hillary Clinton's health. Why isn't she divulging this? And that woman had a stroke and she fell down, and so on and so forth. Think about that, because I'd like to hear your opinion on that.

[Dr. Drew]

Bernie Sanders.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's older, but in good health, or so I think. Okay, think about both, and then first, I'll tell you about Uber. Need some extra money? I got an easy way to do it. Uber, baby. They got a smartphone app, connects to riders with the drivers. You know what I love about Uber? It stands for everything that I want out of this society, which is we could all agree that cabs were expensive, that the.

[Giovanni]

It was an unpleasant experience.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And the feel of a car that has traveled literally 250,000 miles an hour, no matter how nice the paint job was or how cool the Playboy air freshener was sitting in the back of that car that had literally traveled around the world 14 times. Is not. Anyway, so everyone went, geez. And also we all went like. Like, geez. $91 to get from LAX to the Valley. That seems like a lot of money.

[Giovanni]

That's what you pay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then Uber came around. Everyone went, yes, that's. It. That's. That's right. All right, so this is what we want. This is all we want out of life, is let the smart guys come in and go, sorry, big whatever. We're just going to come in with a better plan, and it's Uber. Boom, boom. Matt's driving for Uber. Yes, sir.

[Dr. Drew]

The day that you're Listening to this episode.

[Adam Carolla]

My wedding is two months to the day coming up here, so still got a fair bit of money to make, but Uber's helping me along. Yeah, I think Lynette has already volunteered my checkbook for something. It's gonna be wonderful. It's awesome.

[Giovanni]

Let's just say Matt stopped driving for Uber.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like you should pay for. It's not me, it's us. It's the kids, it's everybody.

[Giovanni]

Sonny's paying us drive.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I still owe him first ringtone. According to him, drivewithuber.com is where you go.

[Giovanni]

You sign up, they both have ringtones for free.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And Sunny. That's right. He needs get a few questions answered and you, boom, you're on your road, bam, on your own. So work when you want, make the extra money how you want. It's Uber, baby. U b e r.com drivewithuber.com that ringtone's available on itunes. If you want to help support.

[Giovanni]

Is this part of the read? Is this.

[Adam Carolla]

Go right ahead. Let's. Let's hear some spaz news. Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

Your wife texted me while we were.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Okay. Natalia's still sick.

[Dr. Drew]

No, Natalia's doing much better. Your daughter's doing much better. Just to let you know, but influenza. I did send her to the urgent care. Was my idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. I trust it. I rode it out with her for about five, six days and she still had a flu. And Dr. Bruce said, take her to urgent care. And it's like, Dr. Bruce, not an alarmist. Right? When he says do it, that's true.

[Dr. Drew]

It's usually, don't take him to urgent care.

[Adam Carolla]

We did it and we took her. She got okay.

[Dr. Drew]

My first story of the day.

[Adam Carolla]

He works he hard to keep his Honda full of gas with jail in his hair. He's not too bad. He's got good lenses but real bad frames. Some call him Bruce, but there's another name. We call him doctor. We call him doctor. He'll put a finger up your ass. There we go.

[Dr. Drew]

Never fails to annoy me. Such is life. So first story is great. E cigs.

[Adam Carolla]

E cigs.

[Dr. Drew]

First, a personal anecdote. Patient came in last week. 30 year old man, mind his own business with some nice tight jeans on. And his e cig blew up in his pocket.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Giovanni]

HE laughs.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, you know, it's. If you're not. So anyway, so the first thing he does is naturally, his pants caught him.

[Giovanni]

Well, how does that happen? How does that happen?

[Gina Grad]

He probably Lied about something.

[Adam Carolla]

Please don't interrupt. I'm liar liar.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, my train of thought is off the tracks quite easily. So he reaches down to put out the fire and he burns his. So this guy ends up in the burn unit at the county hospital.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But he came in because of the explosion.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, by ambulance, with much excitement and many nurses wishing to evaluate the damage done.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he ride his hoverboard in?

[Dr. Drew]

My son's hoverboard did however short out. So the question is why are these things exploding? So one of two questions. If you're wearing tight pants and you have this had the large battery, the lithium ion battery, which is what's blowing up in the hoverboards. And you know, being a construction minded person, when you have high amperage lithium ion batteries, you have much more of a propensity to short out and start a fire. But the explosion. So there are two things.

[Adam Carolla]

First of all, this guy was burned.

[Dr. Drew]

This guy's second and third degree burns. I mean this guy had to go.

[Gina Grad]

To the burn unit on what part of his genitals?

[Dr. Drew]

Scrotum? Groin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but really.

[Dr. Drew]

But not third degree on the scrotum.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

So the question is there are two ways. First of all, these can spontaneously explode. Usually it's when they're being charged. But they also when people put them in tight pants or in sometimes in any other tight place they can be the button can be pressed and if they stay on for obviously for a long time. And that's what we suspect happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, my thing is I wear exclusively tight pants but they're so tight they can't even accommodate pockets. So I don't have to worry about this. I mean the super painted on you.

[Giovanni]

Really out thought that problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I keep them, I keep them in my man purse so I don't have to worry about this. But I will not leave the house without you know, form feed.

[Dr. Drew]

I'll be less worried about you.

[Adam Carolla]

So is this one more excuse they're going to use to make these things illegal everywhere?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, you know, anything made in China is suspect. I think that's where most of these.

[Adam Carolla]

Places even the people. Bruce. No, no, that's what I heard. Well, the number one thing thing that's made in China are Chinese.

[Dr. Drew]

Oh, well, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dr. Drew]

I tell my kids you can have anything you want in Walmart that's not made in China.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dr. Drew]

Okay so but really on a serious note, E cig some recent information has come out in which they found that it causes lung inflammation and precancerous Changes in cells, which. People have been waiting for that kind of information for a while. And they did an interesting experiment. They took MRSA bacteria, the methicillin resistant Staph aureus, which is resistant to methicillin, which is a potent antibiotic. And they found that when the bacteria were exposed to evape vapor for a period of time and then put in mice, it had 25% of the mice died, whereas mice just exposed to the bacteria, without the vapor exposure, the mice lived. So this seems to. What they're saying is it makes bacteria more pathogenic and more likely to cause harm in human.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, isn't, I mean, water sort of the conduit that. No, I mean, not water. Moisture. I mean, all things evil flourish in moisture. And when you put them in dry, they die. If you take.

[Dr. Drew]

They took rats. You take.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is you get mold and you get mold and things like that around moisture, you're sucking in water.

[Giovanni]

Putrid.

[Adam Carolla]

No, yeah. No, I mean, what I'm saying is even pneumonia is water in your lungs. Right, Right.

[Dr. Drew]

But if you take the same bacteria, inject it into mice, take the same bacteria and expose it to the evape chemicals for a period of a week, then inject it to the mice, 25% of the mice died.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it better than cigarettes or not? Like, that's the only question that needs to be answered at this point.

[Dr. Drew]

It sounds. Well, it's probably no better than cigarettes, but the data is not there. You have decades of data on cigarettes, cancer. You need to do studies. It takes a long time. But just the fact that in cell lines, it's causing inflammation in animal models now it's showing that there's carcinogenesis. There's. But increasing. How virulent?

[Adam Carolla]

Who?

[Dr. Drew]

Uh, oh, there goes another. How virulent a bacteria can be increasing the virulence. So somebody smoking, they have bacteria in the lungs. They might say they might have gotten a pneumonia from a certain bacteria. If you mix that with vaping, it makes that bacteria even more virulent.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, how are we feeling about Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders and their health?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, with Hillary Clinton, I feel like it's the same story. Just looking at her and hearing the story, I know what Drew was talking about. I think most physicians suspected that she had a neurologic event either, well, a tia, transient ischemic attack, or a mini stroke at that time.

[Adam Carolla]

Time.

[Dr. Drew]

And it was covered up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well.

[Dr. Drew]

And the issue.

[Giovanni]

I don't know what you're talking about. Imagine a functionalist.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, remember, she she fell. She had some event where she fell. So the idea is. Is that being reported, honestly, to the press? What happened then? You have HIPAA laws?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I heard she stepped on one of her titties getting out of the shower. So I don't know that it was a stroke, per se. It's a slip and fall.

[Gina Grad]

Don't start playing any doctor's best.

[Dr. Drew]

Right, so that's what Drew's referring to. There's speculation, there's suspicion that the story that was given, which I think she just had overworked and she fainted, was not accurate.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, it sounds a lot like back in the day, they'd be like, stp has cancelled the European leg of the tour because Scott Weiland is exhausted.

[Giovanni]

Hope he gets some rest.

[Adam Carolla]

He is dehydrated.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. He needs some water and a nap.

[Giovanni]

Get that guy some Gatorade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's checked himself in the hospital for exhaustion. Like, that's called checking yourself in your bedroom for a fucking nap. Like, I mean, call it what it is. I mean, there's a rock and roll version of this. There's a publicist version of everything, which is. It's not. And I, you know, I'm not picking on her. It's sort of her business, but she realizes it's bad for her business to say, say I'm a victim of stroke. So I will call it this and we'll push it out there as that and that'll be that. But you and Drew seem to, as trained physicians, seem to think there's a little more there. Bernie Sanders. How's he hand?

[Dr. Drew]

Bernie Sanders just looks. I had a traumatic experience this morning. Howard Stern was playing a Bernie Saunders album of him singing this Land is yous Land, this land is your land, some other communist based songs from a 1987 album. And it was much worse than William Shatner's attempt at singing.

[Giovanni]

So we heard it yesterday.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, we liked it.

[Giovanni]

Sorry?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the Royal.

[Gina Grad]

We liked it.

[Dr. Drew]

Okay, so how about Zika virus? Would anyone like to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

Spread some Zika around.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, and since it's a political conversation, did you hear Donald Trump's agreed to build another wall.

[Adam Carolla]

It's going to prevent another wall.

[Dr. Drew]

Prevent viruses from coming up from the south.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow, the viral wall. Oh, really? No, no, no.

[Giovanni]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

How about leaving the jokes to Adam? There we go. No, not a viral wall. But if you can't let human beings come across and their human beings are carrying the viruses, it's an excuse to.

[Dr. Drew]

Stop all the Human beings.

[Adam Carolla]

I want him to build a firewall, literally a flaming wall.

[Giovanni]

That would take care of most things trying to get through, including viruses.

[Adam Carolla]

Something super cool you could see from an airplane or dirigible. You know what I mean? During the 4th of July we just throw fireworks at it.

[Giovanni]

You'd know exactly when you were in one country or the other. As opposed to arbitrary lines.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dr. Drew]

I got away with not being thrown out for trying to tell. Pretty happy. So the Zika virus is a problem, it's a threat. And it's a virus related to like yellow fever and chicken Garnier and delicious. Yes, Dengue fever. And the problem is this is carried by mosquitoes and day biting mosquitoes. And people are moved. There's so much transportation. People are moving.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's it coming out of?

[Dr. Drew]

South America, Mexico, Central America.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is everything in South America and or parts of Africa so meh.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, this started in Uganda. They found it in 1947.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it makes sense. What I'm saying is like over here we have honeybees, they have killer bees. Anyone ever think about that? Like why is everything so fucking angry out of that?

[Dr. Drew]

The tropical climate, there's more growth. You don't have the winter season when everything dies. The problem is there's several things. Things with Zika virus, it's not that only one out of five people that are infected get clinical symptoms. The problem is now there's. I just read about the first case of sexually transmitted Zika.

[Gina Grad]

Oh God.

[Dr. Drew]

This guy, a biologist from Colorado State, he comes back, has sex with his wife and then he gets the symptoms and they diagnose it with Zika. She comes down with Zika without being exposed to him subsequently.

[Gina Grad]

But I thought the whole point, the whole. The problem with it was the misophaly or what's it called?

[Dr. Drew]

Microcephaly.

[Gina Grad]

Microcephaly with the little kids like Beetlejuice.

[Dr. Drew]

Is that an example?

[Gina Grad]

The Beetlejuice babies get abnormally small heads and underneath brains.

[Adam Carolla]

Any thoughts about Charlie Sheen? I was watching Bill Maher and they had his crazy doctor from Mexico in there and he makes sense to me. Can I say this? I don't know if any of these guys have wives or publicists, but when you are preaching something that is a little bit out there, like you know.

[Giovanni]

Not showering for the better part of.

[Adam Carolla]

A month, that's me. Yes. For example, you're preaching something that's out there. Like you're saying look what the man is selling you. What Upjohn and Pfizer are selling you in triple cocktail. That's poisoning your body. I went to the streets of Guadalajara. I hung out with whores, prostitutes, and IV drug users. They were drinking goat milk. And I realized that none of them were. Got hiv, were HIV positive, even though they were in a very elevated class for being hiv. And I spoke. If you're doing that, if that's your rap, easy on the Grecian formula, you know what I mean? I do have quite a way with the crazy. Like the bald comb over with the crazy black and the dyed beard. And it's like. Cause the stuff you're talking about is pretty far out there.

[Giovanni]

You don't need an accelerator.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm listening. But now I'm not listening as closely because it seems like you've gone a little crazy with the just for men and the weird. Like, here's the deal. You know, it's funny. It's like, it's sort of why when you go to court, you put on a suit. You don't wear a suit on the outside, but when you go to court, because you're trying to give this impression to the judge. Oh, you think this guy's capable of hitting an old woman with a cinder block? Look at me.

[Giovanni]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

I went to men's warehouse. Yeah, it's that Gary. You can find the picture of this dude and doesn't have to be from Marge. It's a picture, but it's like I.

[Gina Grad]

Actually have the video.

[Adam Carolla]

The stuff he was talking about. I was going, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that. I kept looking at his hair and going, he's crazy.

[Gina Grad]

He looks like Bjorn from abba.

[Adam Carolla]

If Bjorn had gone and stayed in the male hair coloring aisle of the cvs. Yeah, sorry. Any thoughts on him or did you hear about that alternative treatment of aids? He's basically saying, I got the cure for aids, but the man won't have me.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, well, it's just snake oil, you know, like W.C. field said to the sucker born.

[Adam Carolla]

Every minute you don't buy, like, his thing is like, I have the cure for aids, but Cedar Sinai kicked me out. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

And of course I don't buy it.

[Giovanni]

I mean, I'm surprised you would buy that, Adam. I mean, I haven't seen the segment, so maybe it's very convincing, but there are these people all the time. I used to get emails and tweets about Brzezinski, the cancer. The piss guy. Oh, yeah, the guy who turned urine into a cancer cure.

[Dr. Drew]

You could speak to this more than anyone else, because when you had your diagnosis, how many of the charlatans did you get?

[Giovanni]

I was told about many of them, and I brought them to my doctor. And of course, you know the conspiracy theories. Oh, you're a doctor. He's in the pocket of big blah, blah, blah. I was like, no, he wants. He wants. He would like for me to be cured. He would love me to never come in again. But he also knows what a quack is, right?

[Dr. Drew]

And there's like, rapid opiate detox. Go in the hospital, you get shot full of Narcan, you come out, oh, no problem anymore. Or ibogaine, some of the hallucinogens that send you to ayahuasca.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, no good.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, the reality is this. When you go on a. When you put yourself in a. If you're in a format or an environment where you know everything and everyone listening really knows nothing. And then you just start spouting off about, I took Charlie Sheen's blood, I put it in a vial and injected my own arm just to show him that I could not come down or be HIV positive because of my own whatever. And there's not really much you can say. It's like when someone starts talking to me about computers. I can't really figure out, you're not gonna have the best. No, because I just don't know anything. All I know is there is a sort of a gravity to life. And if you have the cure to cancer and the cure to AIDS and the cure to meningitis, we're not trying to have you killed with a car bomb.

[Giovanni]

Secretly, we all. I think secretly, we all want it. Deep down, we would love for this to be true. For someone to have the cure to film in the blank. Deep down, we all kind of want it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, when you go out, you're spouting off about hanging out with whores and drinking goat's milk. Easy on the Grecian formula. That's all. The guy looks like Gene Simmons with a colored beard.

[Dr. Drew]

Okay, how about the more famous doctors, Stern's Dr. Agus and vitamin D? Because remember, we checked your I can talk about your vitamin D rate. It was a little bit low. Yes, and I didn't get back. I said, well, I listen to Agus, and he's going, well, vitamin D. Vitamin D. Lower levels are more indicative of a problem that you already have, and you need to find the problem and address it rather than replace vitamin D. But that generated a lot of backlash.

[Adam Carolla]

Is vitamin D. Do we get that from the sun?

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, it's converted in your body by the sun. But there are recommendations and there's so much in the medical area.

[Adam Carolla]

There's so much. What? Has a lot of vitamin D and in it.

[Dr. Drew]

Vitamin D is a green, leafy vegetable.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Gina Grad]

The Dairy Council says milk does.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, milk. Of course, milk is fortified with vitamin D and the.

[Adam Carolla]

But in general, kale and all that shit. Yeah, all the stuff we don't eat. Okay.

[Dr. Drew]

Stuff I never eat. So that's why I'm ignorant. But generally, there is a recommendation put forth by the ama, by medical organizations that you replace vitamin D if you're low and you should have it checked. And that insinuating that a low level is not something that requires replacement is sort of off the wall. So it's another.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not. Is it irresponsible? Well, but I like the way it makes sense, which is if you have a low level of anything, instead of supplementing that, find out why you have a low level of it. Root theory makes sense to me, except.

[Dr. Drew]

It'S common to the point of almost predictable that as you age, your vitamin D levels will.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's no use looking for something. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

So that guy sounds like a great doc, but I just. When I heard that, I mean, even I, at that point said, well, you know, I was going to give you a call and say, hey, you want to take.

[Adam Carolla]

Or.

[Dr. Drew]

I think maybe I did.

[Adam Carolla]

So Natalia got the. She got the Tamiflu. Yeah. Does that work pretty well?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it doesn't.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, here's the deal. If you take Tamifu, she had quite.

[Adam Carolla]

A fucking puss on when she was taking shots of that stuff. Yeah. She had to wash it down with a cookie.

[Dr. Drew]

You have to take it in the first 24 to 48 hours, and then it's felt that it just decreases the course of the illness.

[Adam Carolla]

I waited 117 hours. Is that too long?

[Giovanni]

It's outside the window.

[Dr. Drew]

So it's not even covered by certain major health organizations.

[Gina Grad]

Is that the same with, like, oscillosisosum or oscillosum, you know what I'm talking about? For colds. It's a long name that you're supposed to take within 24 hours.

[Dr. Drew]

I don't think that's even probably similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Natalia had the flu, had a temperature starting last Monday, and it never went away up until Friday. And then I think Friday or Saturdays, once you went to urgent care care. And then that's where the.

[Michael McKean]

Charles Sheen's doctor.

[Gina Grad]

Charles Sheen's doctor injected himself with her flu symptoms.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So, yeah, Walt Frazier's her doctor represents just for men.

[Giovanni]

Keith Hernandez, isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

Keith Hernandez or Walt Frazier. Came out of the booth. Yeah, man. Digging deep. No one knows what we're talking about.

[Giovanni]

Your beard is weird.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta watch sports. You really do. Hold on a second. Frank over here, 42 from Massachusetts. Frank. How you doing, Adam? Good. So you've heard me. You're here to give us some other movies that got two stars on cable, that drive me insane on my cable system. And I think you'd be proud to be associated with these movies. Okay, I will say this. It started, and people tweet me this because they aggravate me, but it started with they were rerunning my movie the Hammer on Showtime or Stars or whatever, and on one place. Now, according to rotten tomatoes, it's 80% with the critics, 81% with the top critics, and 89% with the audience. The last I checked, Starz had it at like 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Or Cinemax or whatever it was had 2 1/2. And I was like, just. If you give it three, it's 75%, which is still below the grade. But you're at two and a half and then some. At some point it got three stars, but that was out of five stars. What?

[Giovanni]

That's your third star?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought, hey, assholes, it's your fucking network. You're selling this at a premium to the public. You're supposed to be blowing some hot air up the tokai of your movies. And this movie's very well received, very well regarded. But all you have to do is go to a place that aggregates reviews called Rotten Tomatoes and just look it up and it'll be.

[Giovanni]

The work's done for 2000.

[Adam Carolla]

People have weighed in and they've given it an 89. So that's three and a half stars or whatever it is. Four out of five do it and then go ahead and up at 10% because it's your network. But why are we winding down? We're rounding down.

[Giovanni]

Self defeating.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Drives me insane. So give me 10 other movies that only got two stars that I like that I'm going to feel better about because the Hammer on the got two stars. Okay, here we go. First Blood. The first one. Yep. Good movie. And First Blood Part two. Okay, but the first. The first one for sure.

[Giovanni]

Everyone agrees. Solid movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Very solid. All right. Yes. St. Elmo's Fire. I get why it's two stars, even though it's a tool tune of movie.

[Giovanni]

Well put.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Old school.

[Giovanni]

Stop it. That's a great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Why they do. I agree. 2 out of 4 stars. Blue, you're my boy. Also say this in a world where, what, every comedy's hilarious. Like, how many comedies are even? Bring a smile or part. Chuckle to your face.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Laughs throughout.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why? Why would you give it a 50%? All right. Good rounders. Good movie.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, Good movie. That's really nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it. Rocky 4.

[Giovanni]

I understand that.

[Adam Carolla]

Ryan, come on.

[Giovanni]

I do. I love it. But I understand the two out of four.

[Adam Carolla]

My personal favorite of the Rockies. I mean, it's a little enjoyable.

[Giovanni]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta understand that when you put a four after any movie, even if it's Godfather, it's not gonna be critically well received. That's a good point. Top Gun. What?

[Giovanni]

I understand it, but I disagree.

[Adam Carolla]

I disagree as well. Now, my final three, you're gonna. Like you said before, you're gonna understand it, but I just think you'll really appreciate these. We got Con Air.

[Giovanni]

Again, understand this is generous. That's a good movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Point Break.

[Giovanni]

You're in good company.

[Adam Carolla]

And Armageddon. Oh, man. Yeah, we do, I must say, show.

[Giovanni]

Them a top five list.

[Adam Carolla]

Critics are fucking snobs when it comes to big movies because they don't realize, first off, a big movie, it's like a circus that's five times the size of. It's much easier to make a small movie than it is to make a big movie. And I don't mean. I mean, it's going to be better, whatever. But there's pyrotechnics going off. There's all kinds. There's F18s flying through the air.

[Giovanni]

Physically easier, I thought. Easier, like, to get it over, like, the expectations are lower. It's going to fly under the radar.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it's physically bigger.

[Giovanni]

It's just undertaking for Donaldson.

[Adam Carolla]

Massive undertaking. And somehow they deduct points for that, like, you know, Armageddon. Whatever movies we're talking about, they are what they are. There's room for those. You don't have to. Just because Michael Bay directs doesn't mean it's bad. It just means it's big.

[Giovanni]

Tell me about it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Thanks, Frank. I feel better now, especially old school on there.

[Giovanni]

Old school's great.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Michael McKeon's waiting out there. Let's do one more here.

[Dr. Drew]

Bruce, lead poisoning. Would you like to discuss that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I want to hear what's going on with lead poisoning.

[Dr. Drew]

Lead poisoning, there's not a solution in sight. The problem with lead poisoning, there is not a treatment for it. Once you're exposed and your lead levels are high, especially under 6 years old, learning difficulties, difficulties and growth retardation. Now, if I get somebody in the ER that is acute lead poisoning, you do chelation therapy where you put a chemical in their blood that sucks up the lead. So what they did, this is really the only treatment to get out of the body. They took kids and they put them in a group that got this chelation and then a placebo group, and there was no difference in terms of learning and growth problems from the lead. So there's no treatment.

[Gina Grad]

Is this based out of Flint, Michigan, or specific?

[Matt Besser]

No, no, no.

[Dr. Drew]

This is known.

[Gina Grad]

All right, because this is a big problem over there.

[Dr. Drew]

It's a big problem over there.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Dr. Drew]

And the problem is all the lawsuits, all the people, and all the horrible for the families and the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

I just read a report by Dr. Justin Fuhrman, and he said if you bang a Tijuana whore, that will leach the lead from your body.

[Giovanni]

I want to believe it.

[Dr. Drew]

I'd be willing to debate that, Doc. So, lead poisoning and bpa. I know I don't get much more time, but the BPAs in your plastics, the BPA free. They're finding their problems with that plastic. Everything in glass. Throw out all your plastics in that plastic bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, look, I've been fucking saying this for a kajillion years. That all the hydrating we're doing with the water bottle that's sitting on the dashboard of the car, it smells like plastic, and we're doing much more harm than we are.

[Dr. Drew]

Think of it, though.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right.

[Dr. Drew]

All those plastic bottles, people that drink six of those a day, think of all the.

[Adam Carolla]

And like I said, the stuff's clear and it sits out in the back seat of your car, and the car is 118 degrees inside. We're in trouble.

[Gina Grad]

Well, you know, I think you brought this up one time because I honestly never even thought of it. I thought, well, I don't do that. I would never drink a bottle that's sitting in the backseat of my car. But I don't know where it was sitting before it got to the grocery store. I don't know if it was sitting outside once it got to the grocery store. You get it and you think that's its genesis, but it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's what I'm. Here's where we're living. I pay a premium to have a bottle of plastic bottles of water trucked into my house because nobody in my house except for me, is going to allow the kids or the dog to drink from the municipal water that comes from the sink, except for that's not packed in plastic and trucked across the United States. States. But there's no amount of discussion that's not on the table that I can have with my wife or anyone else about why the tap water's absolutely fine and why the bottled water may actually be causing more harm than good. All right, so what do I know? I'll just keep paying for it. Bruce, you done?

[Dr. Drew]

I'm never done, but I'll be back.

[Adam Carolla]

Put it this way. You may not be done, but you're finished.

[Dr. Drew]

Hey, where's my ACE Award? I thought you were gonna present it to me.

[Adam Carolla]

I wasn't even notified that you won an ACE Award.

[Dr. Drew]

Now that I made it through my segment, I can complain a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, your ACE Award is like.

[Giovanni]

It's out there. It says Joe Coyle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

It says nothing on it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. It doesn't. I mean, you won an ACE Award for being thrown out of here. So it's like saying, like, I know a guy.

[Giovanni]

Bill Buckner's like, I was one of the top moments in baseball history. Where's my horse?

[Adam Carolla]

No, my buddy Daniel has the record, or had the record for being the fastest to be submitted in a wrestling competition. You don't want that trophy in high school. Like, he tapped out in three seconds or something like that. And while true, he still is the recipient of that honor.

[Giovanni]

Yes, he still is.

[Adam Carolla]

On the plot of an honor.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes, it is. Because you know what that should translate to? I have the highest capacity to irritate you.

[Adam Carolla]

Have any gas?

[Dr. Drew]

Have any guests?

[Adam Carolla]

Almost anyone. Okay. Excluding. I'll tell you what, I'm not irritated about Podcast one, man. They're doing a little survey, and they need your tweets and your comments. So keep sending them. It's easy. Take a couple of minutes, and you give us a hand over at Podcast one, and we try to make the show. These shows, all the shows on Podcast one, the best we can make them. So go to Podcast one and take the survey. It's free, it's easy, and it just sort of helps the good of the team. That's Podcast one. Take survey real quick and let us know what you want. Podcast One. All right, Bruce, that's it for you.

[Dr. Drew]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Michael McKeon is out there. I just want to mop up one more call, and then we'll take a break. We'll bring Michael in. Kelly hi. Hey. 34, New York. What's going on? On. Yep, that's me.

[Gina Grad]

I just found out, I guess via social media that my 22 year old.

[Adam Carolla]

Unmarried, unemployed cousin is pregnant.

[Gina Grad]

And my family, who's very family oriented.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm originally from Ohio, is all like super excited about it. And my husband and I am 34.

[Gina Grad]

We've been together for 10 years.

[Adam Carolla]

We were waiting to become very successful.

[Gina Grad]

Before we tried to have a baby. And we're trying to have a baby. And I just don't feel like anyone in my family or you know, even society now is honoring that, you know, commitment to bring a baby into a better place in the world and not just like, oh, well, here's another cousin for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, because we've stopped judging. And all the politicians are cowardly pussies who will never talk about the biggest problem this country has. The only problem this country or any country has, which is this problem, they won't do it. They instead talk around the problem, which is we need better schools, we need better infrastructure. We gotta get. We're not gonna have a school to prison pipeline. We're gonna have a cradle to college pipeline. All the stuff you would not need if we had responsible parents who raised their children. It's a super simple equation. I have two kids. No one ever has to worry about my two kids. Kids, not because they're special kids, not because they're magical kids. Because they have a dad and because they have a mom, and because dad works hard and mom takes care of the kids and works hard and we raise two little good citizens. I used to use an example, by the way, Dr. Drew's kids, he had triplets. Do we ever need to worry about a world with Dr. Drew's triplets roaming around untethered in this world? No. Because Drew was a great dad. Drew started saving money, money for these kids college the second the umbilical cord was cut and the shmegma was wiped from their eyes. That's right. That's what he did. He started putting money on it.

[Giovanni]

He deposited that into the account.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So we do not have to worry about that or me or Drew or anybody.

[Dr. Drew]

But isn't this like the dumbing down of American participation trophies? There's no behavior that's wrong. Oh, it's wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

You've had a good. Well, first thing we need is a dad and a mom and a couple of ducats to rub together and a decent job and whatever else, and then we can start having kids. Now we start doing that we're living in a utopia. We keep blaming the fucking school systems. We've got nothing. We're sliding off a fucking cliff. Yes, we should be judging your ne' er do well cousin for shitting out a kid without having a job. And not being married doesn't make them a bad person. Good, but we don't. We shouldn't applaud it. And all the people, pussy, coward, politician should step up and say something. Every single topic is discussed. Everything big banking, isis, Al Qaeda, Wall street, climate change. Where are we going? Alternative fuels, Everything but the one thing that would actually make a dent in everything, which would be people not shitting out kids who were fatherless and destitute. But I'm just some radical racist guy who's uneducated and does have no idea what I'm talking about.

[Giovanni]

Yes, and there's still a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

I told the Huffington Post, how about education and family? And I was explained in a condescending tone. It's a lot more complicated than that.

[Dr. Drew]

I don't think Bernie Sanders is gonna want you for his vice presidential running mate.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I would do Bernie Sanders a favor. Oh yeah. And I would say Bernie, Bernie, you understand? All right, Bernie, let's at least agree on this. You would love to sodomize the American taxpayer, right?

[Giovanni]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

So you want to pull his pants down and enter him from behind? Yes.

[Giovanni]

Have you been reading my stumps case?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now listen to me. I too would like to provide as many ample a holes for you to sodomize as humanly possible.

[Giovanni]

This is a symbiotic relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's the problem, Bernie. You want to rape who? The taxpayer? We need taxpayers. So you can rape them. Because if your rape pool is turning into a fucking above ground mini pool.

[Giovanni]

Oh no, I don't want that. I want lipic size huge. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

With lanes, aquifer of folks for you to rate.

[Giovanni]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

I want that too.

[Giovanni]

I always see eye to eye on this issue.

[Adam Carolla]

This is why I want you to start talking about family and education so that we can have new generations.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

In my mind, there are a bunch of unborn rape victims right now that you're gonna put your dick in.

[Giovanni]

This is a glass house full look at the world, my friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But if the families break up, if they drop out of the eighth grade.

[Giovanni]

The pool dries up.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting caught up in gangs and running and in prison. How can you rape. Of course you can rape a guy in prison.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Metaphorically. What I'm saying physically you can rape in prison. No Problem? We're talking about the taxpayers. You're gonna rape their wallets if they're in prison. And as a matter of fact, they rape us because we pay 60,000. Yes. So let's have as many little rape victims as possible. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Put that on your button.

[Giovanni]

Do you need a job writing speeches?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes or no? Right now. All right, Dr. Spaz is out of there. Michael McKean is rolling his eyes and coming in studio next. Hey, I'm Adam Carolla and this is Dr. Drew. And after you enjoy this podcast, how about you check out our podcast, The Adam and Dr. Drew Show. Wait a minute.

[Giovanni]

You mean we're back together again?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. People like Randy and Ty is. Either way we talk. Sex, drugs, relationships, life choices, everything under the sun. And you can subscribe at the Adam and Dr. Drew show for new episodes every Sunday and Thursday, completely free as well, only on Corolla Digital. It's like old times. Good times. We can cut that part out. Michael McKeon here. Better call Saul. The name of the show. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. What can't Michael McKeon do? I'm a huge fan.

[Michael McKean]

He cannot fly. I or produce children.

[Adam Carolla]

Enjoy almost everything. Oh, I'll just say everything he does. Season two, by the way. February. February 15th premieres AMC 10 o'. Clock. Maybe you can help us out a little on this one. I got a call from Bob Odenkirk about three months maybe it was about six months ago. He said, hey, I hear you got this Paul Newman documentary, and we got a guy who's coming in this season and he's a big race guy, and I just want to get him a copy of it. And his name is Ray. And I said, can you tell me any more about the guy? And he said, no, his name is Ray and he's doing a guest arc or something. Does that sound familiar? I don't want to out the guy. I know people watch.

[Michael McKean]

Well, listen, there's a lot that goes on in that show that I have. I'm not party to. You know, I'm. I'm ensconced in my little, you know, aluminum foil world, right? For the most part. And this season I do come out a little bit more. But yeah, a lot goes on that. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I was watching a documentary, Brian. I don't know if you saw it. And probably anyone saw it. They've been running. I think it's called Drunk High Dead. And I was very. I found it very fascinating.

[Michael McKean]

I Haven't seen it yet.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very interesting, and especially if you like comedy and sort of the origins of comedy. And there were some folks there, obviously that you've worked with. But where did you start and how did you start and who'd you come up with?

[Michael McKean]

Well, I think a lot of it goes back to my first year in college. Many, many years ago, I met David Lander, who was later my partner on Laverne and Shirley. But in the interim, he and I were very close friends. And in the early 70s, I became part of a group called the Credibility Gap, which was Harry Shearer, David Lander and Richard Beebe. The late Richard Beebe. And we did satire on the radio. It was get a news story, rip it off the, you know, the ticker tape.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this Pre Lampoon Radio hour?

[Michael McKean]

Yeah, it's right around the same. A little before this was 1970, they actually started credibility gap started in 68, and then they eventually amassed the.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is out of where it.

[Michael McKean]

Was out of Los Angeles. The first station was krla.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Michael McKean]

Which was at the time was an AM station. It was at the time at the. At a hotel in Pasadena. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And from there you go where?

[Michael McKean]

Well, we took that act when we kept getting fired from the radio stations. And so we stood. We kind of took that to the stage and we started working, working on the stage, opening for rock acts and stuff, you know, the four of us. And then later the three of us, and we opened for John Denver and for Commando, Cody and Richie Havens. And it was just. It was a strange world because a lot of those audiences, they didn't care to see a lot of sophisticated satire, and sometimes they threw things to let us know that they didn't want it.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, let's see. Richie Haven's famous for Here Comes the Stuff, Son cover, let's say Beatles.

[Michael McKean]

And also Albert Brooks opened for him once and did a very funny piece on, I think, Albert's first album about opening for Richie Havens and how that wasn't his finest hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you. Oh, Albert Brooks open for any Richie? Yeah. How could anybody open? I. I mean, I get it. If you're a rock band and you have a lesser known rock band open for you, but if you're playing that serves fondue and the opening act is gonna be Thai food or churros or something, that's probably gonna not work real well with that crowd.

[Michael McKean]

Absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

And every person I talked to, I remember having a long conversation with a guy who was in a improv troupe. Called the Frayed Knots. And he had to go to the Coach House and open for Pat Travers. And it'd be like, we need a location. Your mom's cunt. It's like.

[Giovanni]

Like, okay, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

An activity. Trying to get out. It's like, right? Because Pat.

[Giovanni]

For a relationship. And I think I know where we're going to go with this.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody wants to see that. It is weird.

[Michael McKean]

That's such a strange world. It really is. The only. The only if you have. If there's a music act, no matter what the music act is something that is even just nominally a music act opening for them. Makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Michael McKean]

But it's not always great. Since.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Michael McKean]

I used to. I used to live right near the Fillmore east in New York during. When that was a thing. And you would go. You would see some very peculiar pairings. I saw Tiny Tim open for the Doors.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Michael McKean]

Now, at the time, Tiny Tim hadn't been on TV or anything. He was just kind of New York's dirty little secret.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. He was a hilarious act.

[Michael McKean]

But a lot of people just kind of got up in arms and they just wasn't. What are you doing to us? Where's Jim Morrison?

[Adam Carolla]

So you. I mean, now you can just. There's so many outlets for what you do.

[Michael McKean]

Or what I thought you meant. In my home.

[Adam Carolla]

So many gfi. Once you put the ground fault Interrupt.

[Michael McKean]

USB has changed my life, man. That's just.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's 240. We can get the quick charge going on the Tesla.

[Michael McKean]

That's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

There's so many outlets. What I'm saying is, is back in the day, there was all this talent. You know, we've had. Fred Willard was in here not too long ago. And you'd see all these guys back in the day, even Bill Murray and all the guys. The Gilda Radners and all these. But they had to find a place to go because There was no YouTube and there's no Funny or Die and there's no Comedy Central. There's no anything. There's pretty much Saturday Night Live and that didn't even exist.

[Michael McKean]

75. Then they started.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And nobody was really a standard stand up. And stand up was sort of the gig. But everyone else did improvisational group theater parody. And so there was no. They couldn't really do stand up. So all these.

[Michael McKean]

They were local. They were local. San Francisco had the committee.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Michael McKean]

Chicago had Second City, obviously. And still do. And there was Second City in Toronto, Louisiana.

[Adam Carolla]

Had Groundlings.

[Michael McKean]

Groundlings. But before the Groundling. There was the premise, which was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and the Frayed Knots.

[Michael McKean]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Were killed at the Coach House in 1979, tragically. But before that, they were one of the premier improv comics in their pre Pat Travers days.

[Michael McKean]

Yes, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Pat Travers said boom, boom, out go your lights. That was his one hit. Yeah. So were you able to make a living? I mean, I know Laverne and Shirley came around and there was a paycheck, but before that, again, not a stand up, no snl, no Funny or Die. Like hard to make a living back then.

[Michael McKean]

Yeah, yeah, it really was the credibility gap. We did, you know, these gigs and everything, but they didn't pay much. So we also did commercials for. For various things. We did commercial for a local Toyota dealership, Jack Poet Toyota. We did a couple of those. We did one for Head Shampoo, which doesn't even exist anymore, that merge with Shoulder Shampoo. I know we were all head oriented and a lot of them for Atlantic Records. We had a friend over at Atlantic Records who was in the. He gave us these spots and, you know, we kept it alive, kept it going.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel. And maybe, maybe don't let me put words in your mouth, but you guys were in it for the love of the game, because there wasn't a lot of games. There was just the love of collaboration. I mean, I remember those days at the Groundlings and Acme Theater and stuff where it's just. You would just collaborate. You did it just because that's what you did. But there was never any end game. Like, we're gonna shoot this thing, we're gonna get a bunch of viral downloads, we're gonna get it up on YouTube. You just did it. And now I wonder. There's so many people that are in it, but I'm not sure if they're in it for the reasons. You were in it because you weren't being paid initially.

[Michael McKean]

No, not so much. We were in it to end the Vietnam War and it worked. As you noticed, you know, in 75 was all done.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Michael McKean]

That was because of us.

[Giovanni]

Nice job.

[Adam Carolla]

Satire.

[Michael McKean]

Thank you very much.

[Gina Grad]

Well done.

[Michael McKean]

We don't get the recognition I think we deserve, but. No, no, it's true.

[Adam Carolla]

We.

[Michael McKean]

We didn't. We weren't an improvisational group. Credibility gap, we would write. But, you know, for example, the, the. The day that Nixon resigned in 74, we had a sketch on its feed that night. Night at what is now the Improv at the time was called the Pitchell Players, which it was at the interim between the Ash Grove and the improv.

[Adam Carolla]

So did you grow up out here?

[Michael McKean]

No, no, no, no. I was already growing up when I came here. I grew up in. Back east in Long island in New York City.

[Adam Carolla]

And the. One of my favorite movies all Time, Spinal Tap. Where did that come from? Or where were you when you or and or Harry or and or whoever thought about it?

[Michael McKean]

Well, this was in. In the late 70s. Rob Reiner had a. A pilot. He and his partner Phil Mishkin and some other. Actually, Phil was just kind of peripherally involved. But Rob sold this pilot. He had just left all in the Family and he sold a pilot or he was going to make a pilot. And the premise was it's a guy sitting there at home with his remote just going through a day of television. That way you could parody everything that's on tv. And it was called the TV Show. And the last sketch or the next to last sketch in the piece was. Do you remember Midnight Special with Wolfman Jack?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it was that there was a bunch of those shows that just come on Friday night or Saturday night and they play acts, you know, they'd have Love and Spoonful come in there or whoever and they. Sometimes they do it live, sometimes they lip sync or whatever.

[Michael McKean]

It was usually live, actually. And yeah, if you have Paul Schaer on here to talk about that stuff, because he's one of those guys who memor. He remembers everything he ever saw or heard and can, you know, repeat it. It's amazing. But anyway, we had the sketch. This idea and I wasn't involved with the writing of the show, but Harry was a producer on the show. Chris Guest was a writer on the show. And we. Chris and I had always done these characters and. And they said, well, how about those guys? We'll put a band together. The original band was myself, Harry, Chris Louden Wainwright on keyboards and Russ Kunle on the drums unseen. Was. Was Shoot. Great bass player.

[Adam Carolla]

Call Schaer.

[Michael McKean]

Yeah, Sklar Lee Sklar, a great bass player. He actually did all the real bass playing because Harry was just kind of picking up the bass at the time. And we did this kind of, you know, psychedelic performance and video.

[Adam Carolla]

Did Spinal Tap have to steep for a while in terms of the appreciation of the audience? Because I remember. What year did it come out?

[Michael McKean]

1984.

[Adam Carolla]

And I remember in my little circle, people were like, you gotta see this. But that was in my little circle of those guys who are into that stuff. But when it initially came out, it was.

[Michael McKean]

It baffled a lot of people.

[Adam Carolla]

It was more Appreciated two decades later or a decade later.

[Michael McKean]

Critics. We were on more 10 best lists than anybody that year because critics really loved the film because they knew. They knew it was about movies, right? To. In a certain state. It was. It was a documentary. It was a fake documentary about the way people make real documentaries. And they just loved that kind of, you know, double thump. And. But a lot of people just didn't get it. When we previewed the film, we showed it to preview audiences, they were really in the dark because, I mean, they had.

[Adam Carolla]

They.

[Giovanni]

They were like, who's this band?

[Michael McKean]

Yeah, they kind of thought they recognized Meathead from All in the Family, but. But what the hell is he doing there? I. Why didn't they make him?

[Adam Carolla]

We used to get the.

[Michael McKean]

We got these cards, you know, we showed it in Denver. No, in San Francisco and in Dallas or someplace or Austin or someplace. And the cards were amazing. The cards were like, why didn't you make a movie about a good band? Why does the camera move around like that? Who are these people? And one of the. There's a thing. There's a blank on preview cards that says, in what way is this movie like other movies you have enjoyed? And, and would you. Would you rec. How would you recommend this to your friends? Blah, blah, blah. So on that line, some person had written, doa. No, no, sorry. Excuse me. DNA. We said DNA. DNA does not apply.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Michael McKean]

How much do I like this movie? Does not apply. Didn't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it is. It's one of the movies. I never once. If I ever stumble into it, I never switch it off because there's always the next scene of Artie fucking needing you to kick. Have you fallen ass or have you.

[Michael McKean]

Fallen into the seven hour Godfather hole? Now that's on.

[Giovanni]

I watched four hours of it.

[Michael McKean]

I mean, it's like, oh, this I'll just watch until.

[Giovanni]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a new scene.

[Giovanni]

That's a new scene.

[Michael McKean]

Amazing. Yeah, it's just amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

We won't rest until we never stop resting. That's exactly it. Creative. I mean, with all the shows and all. Everyone. I mean, it's like, you know, you go right from Breaking Bad to Better Call Saul. So everyone goes, have you seen all the breaking. You gotta sit down. What you need to do is ignore your children, ignore your job, and ignore your faith, and just lock yourself in a room with some Kleenex and watch all. And then there's Better Call Saul. And it's like everyone's doing this binge watching and stuff, but they were probably not building as many bridges and skyscrapers like.

[Giovanni]

It's true, if we think about it, a lot fewer bridges have gone up.

[Adam Carolla]

The guys who built the Golden Gate Bridge did not binge watch. Better call Saint All. That's right. So it's weird, but it's. It's like there used to be this. I mean, you know, I don't. Bruce Springsteen had a song 12 years ago.

[Michael McKean]

57 channels and nothing on.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. And now he must have got the basic package. Now it's 574 and everything's on.

[Michael McKean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's just not enough. And then you have to get in these arguments where people are like, are you watching this Making of a Murder thing? No, I'm not. You need.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean? I just watched 77 hours of the Godfather. Well, knock it off.

[Giovanni]

Put that aside.

[Adam Carolla]

My dog died of exposure. The kids are emaciated. They've been left out of school. But now you better watch this.

[Michael McKean]

Well, I do like the fact that that Better Call Saul is. Is a weekly show and you wait a year and you can. You can binge it. You can. You can, you know, or if you're overseas, you can watch on Netflix, like now. But I like the idea that we're on every week for 10 weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Is the plan, or is there a plan for you coming up in terms of more theatrical stuff, more comedy, more serious roles.

[Michael McKean]

You know, I never plan. You know, I think that life gives us too many interesting corners to go around, and you really never know what's around that corner. Right now I'm recommending writing a film with my daughter. It's an idea I had a long time ago, and it's finally someone in the family who likes to work so well.

[Adam Carolla]

The rest are binge watching. She and I.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes.

[Michael McKean]

And she. And I, she, she, you know, she. She gets after me. Let's. Let's work. Let's go sit down. Go, go. And we've been having a great time doing that. And, you know, I'm going to go off to New York. My wife is doing a show at the Public called Southern Comfort, which she's been kind of workshop shopping for five years or so. And so that's going to be kind of exciting. I'll be her fancy man. Won't be working, but I'll be dining out.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you like. Or has it attributed. I mean, you don't seem burnt out on the business, and I guess it's. You don't seem burnt out because you've been doing a thousand different Things for a long period of time. Is that the way you like it? Because I feel like when you've done that same gig kind of thing, there's a burnout factor.

[Michael McKean]

Well, I go back and forth between TV, mainly TV and theatrical, and I've been working on the last 10, 11 years. I've been doing a lot of work in New York and elsewhere in London, Chicago and Williamstown, New York and Williamstown, Massachusetts, and really interesting places and la. So I get a chance to be a stage actor too. And it's. That's something, that's what I assumed I would always be doing when I was a kid and wanted to be an actor. I assumed I would just live at my parents house and get on the Long Island Railroad and go in and do a show in New York and then come on back, you know, and we all grow up. But still I love doing that as much as I love doing anything else. I love working on tv. I love this, this gig with Odenkirk and, and Vince and Peter and that bunch of. And Jonathan Banks and Rhea Seehorn. It's just Michael Mando. It's just a great bunch of people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's such an incredible show and it's so funny, but not overly so, you know, in that way. And that character of yours, Chuck McGill, is one of the weirdest, most fascinating characters, I think, in any TV show because he's a lawyer with like an allergy to electricity. And I know you're probably not gonna tell us, but does that get resolved either way in the upcoming season?

[Michael McKean]

No, I think they're really approaching it very realistically. If a guy is cut off from the world that he saw himself as an important part. I'm sure there's at least one conjunction missing from that setup. But he wants to get back into it. He's trying to climb back into it. That's all I'll really tell you about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Too many outlets, by the way. Too many outlets when you're to electricity. All right, let's do Better call Saul. Season two is going to premiere February 15th, so we all can't wait for that. 10 o' clock, AMC. I'll tell you what, we'll do a little news, Michael. Hang out. Chime in. Crack wise first. Lifelock, baby. Oh, identity theft. Well, we talked about the good things, you know, all the YouTubes and the funnier dots and the podcasts and all the different outlets now. But there's some bad things out there. That's like getting your identity stolen. So good News, you can shop in your bathrobe in your living room. I bought a bathrobe online. That's how lazy I am. It's really. That's ultimate and lazy, right?

[Michael McKean]

Buying a bathrobe, something to keep you in the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Not leaving the house to buy a bathrobe. The only calories my dad would burn back in the day is bathrobe shopping. You know, kicking ties. He called it kicking sashes. But nope, I bought this. Oh, my God. I did the triple lazy. I had my assistant buy me a bathrobe on Trifecta. All right, so that's good news. That's a first world activity right there. But probably not something they'd make like one of those vice docks out of.

[Giovanni]

Probably probably not.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably not not. But bad news. And they could make a doc out of this. Stealing your identity. That happens. Well, that's not going to happen with Lifelock. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. But if you got Lifelock, you can go bathrobe shopping with peace of mind. Send your system out there into the Internet with peace of mind. Start now for just $9.99 a month, plus applicable sales tax. $9.99 a month. LifeLock Dawson. Call or visit LifeLock.com now to experience the peace of mind only Lifelok can provide. Use Promo Code Adam. That' Promo Code Adam. You'll receive 10 off your membership. All right. Should we do a little. Do you ever breathe?

[Gina Grad]

No, never.

[Michael McKean]

It's amazing.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Giovanni]

Not allowed.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me the News with Grad. News with Gina. Grad Show Bids Congress Tech news Forces World News. Give me News with Gina. Grad with shit out of Florida Sex surveys. Obama Need News with Gina. Gina the News with Gina graduates.

[Gina Grad]

So you like that tune?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good.

[Gina Grad]

That's awesome. Well, Grease Live appeared Fox Sunday night to over 12 million viewers. But very sad news for Vanessa Hudgens, who played Rizzo. She revealed tragic news just hour before she was set to perform Sunday morning. She tweeted that her father Greg, had died from cancer the night before at the age of 65. She then added, tonight, I do the show in his honor. Julianne Hough played Sandy. Carly Rae Jepsen played Frenchie. And you know what? It was actually a lot of fun to watch. And I don't know how she went on after that news.

[Adam Carolla]

I love. Well, I think she's no Brett Favre, but I think there's a way to separate the professional from the personal. And I think in a way Like, Brett Favre came out after his dad died and played lights out ball. I think there's a. I think we're wired, I think, as human beings, to actually put up a better performance in those situations. I think that's one of the only good pieces of wiring we have.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, probably. She. It was. It was a lot of fun. I. I know you probably watched it, and I don't want to take the words out of your mouth, but I saw. No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know I was gonna say picture. Everyone does the. You know, like, when you're Brett Favre, you do the. Hey, you know where my dad would have wanted me? Right here. Right on this field, leading them, this guy. But her dad would have been, huh? That's for facts. Yeah. Joe, what do you think?

[Giovanni]

Make believe you're someone else. What are you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Repacking some bearings. Are you talking about lithium grease?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I guess that's all right. In that case, who knows old man.

[Michael McKean]

Hutchins better than you?

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody's got no finger on the pulse. Old Man Hutchins more than Adam Corolla. But, no, he probably wouldn't need his daughter out being in a live version of Greece.

[Giovanni]

But show must go on.

[Adam Carolla]

It must. I know there's the live attraction, but why?

[Gina Grad]

Because everybody's waiting for somebody to fall on their face. That's what it is. But I got.

[Michael McKean]

You know, I think that we're. It so doesn't ever happen.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't.

[Michael McKean]

It really doesn't.

[Gina Grad]

Well, this had 12 million viewers. People were really excited. And I gotta tell you, it was so unbelievably well done the way they did it. The kids, the actors, they'd, you know, sing and dance and do their thing, and then they'd break, you know, the fourth wall. Mario Lopez would come in, everyone would cheer, say, hey, we're in the middle of Greece. Everyone having fun. And he did that. The actors would go flying by him, load up into a golf cart, and haul ass to the other side of Warner Brothers for the next scene. It was really well done.

[Michael McKean]

It's paramount.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I thought it was Warner Brothers.

[Michael McKean]

I don't think so.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, you might be right. But it was 14 soundstages, and they were just zipping around in between, you know, commercial breaks as fast as they could.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody needs to be bought, like I've said a million times. Now, hold on, because these live things are going up left and right now. Yeah, yeah, okay. I've said this, Michael. People think I'm nuts. I'm not. I mean, It.

[Michael McKean]

I'll be the judge of that.

[Adam Carolla]

That the guy who's making the league minimum on the team in football is the long snapper. You're not going to get to Cam Newton and pay him off. Okay, the long snapper you can get to. He's making 310,000 bucks a year. You could give that guy a million bucks. And it's a simple equation. Just give me one botched extra point, just one botched field goal, just a little high, or just skip it back. I'm not saying snap it into outer space. Just bounce it off the guy's foot. And by the way, you don't get relieved of your duties for a bad snap. You only got one snap. You can do one in the first half, and then in the second half, one snap that just goes over the punter's head. This ball's going to go skipping back and toward the end zone, and we're going to shave about 10 points off of this game. Like if somebody said, all right, I don't know, you know.

[Michael McKean]

You know that they don't score musicals, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, hold on. And by the way, I beg to differ. They're all scored.

[Michael McKean]

Well, you're right, you're right, you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so if you knew in advance that they got to this guy and we're going to get too bad, like a field goal wasn't going to happen and a punt was going into the end zone, you know, that's good for eight points. Right? Right. I mean, you'd bet on that team, and this guy's only getting 300 grand, a couple million to him, and no one could ever point a finger at him because it's just a couple of bad snaps. A guy had a bad day or nervous.

[Giovanni]

The big lights.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody's got to get to one of these people. Not the lead. Can't get to Huff.

[Gina Grad]

Frenchie's got to take a dive.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not even that one. No, no, no. I'm saying one of the backup dancers.

[Giovanni]

Or one of the guys that does.

[Adam Carolla]

The curtains has to run out, get in front of the camera, and start doing his diatribe about golden palace or Herbalife or the Adam Carolla podcast. You know what I mean? Like, all the buoy, dude. Yeah, well, yeah, but it's not as much game.

[Giovanni]

That's a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying you find one of the backup dancers who's getting six grand for the whole, including rehearsal, I offer that guy 100 grand, and all you got to do is bum rush to camera in the Middle of Frenchie solo and start yelling. Adam Caroll podcast. Tune into podcast one. I'll give you 100 grand. It'll be worth it to me.

[Giovanni]

Money well spent. Write that off his advertising budget.

[Michael McKean]

That person doesn't exist. Oh, no, no, no.

[Gina Grad]

He of little faith.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't back up angry.

[Michael McKean]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Disillusion your craft.

[Michael McKean]

No, no, no. It's. Who cares? What the hell do I know?

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know.

[Michael McKean]

But I'm just saying. I'm just saying, that guy being on TV is. If he's. Even if he's making 6,000 bucks, that's the best thing that's ever happened to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but this is.

[Michael McKean]

12 million people are seeing him.

[Adam Carolla]

This gets you on Good Day LA and Good Day America and all that. This turns you into a celebrity in our celebrity world, where the Kardashians are celebrities for making porn films, you're the guy bum rushes the camera and starts yelling, yelling out, whatever. Whoever pays you to yell it out.

[Giovanni]

A good fixer is going to do a little recon and find the guy or gal, probably guy who's disillusioned with the business. Probably on his way out. He's been around for. He hasn't made it. He's in Greece.

[Gina Grad]

Three callbacks for Kanicki.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't get another.

[Michael McKean]

Even if you bought this guy, even if you paid this guy and the guy actually did this, I don't know what the yield would be.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody would be talking about the next day. It's all anyone would talk about every morning after that.

[Michael McKean]

No one would mention it again.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Meanwhile, I get X amount of listeners.

[Michael McKean]

Because you're hurting for listeners. No, as we all know, number one stays number one.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's how I keep my edge. I'm just saying, whatever you're selling, if you had a website that you wanted everyone to go to, that guy yelled the website out.

[Michael McKean]

Well, what if the guy ran out and yelled, vote for Bernie?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there you go. That's what I'm saying. Let's.

[Gina Grad]

You don't think that'll move the needle really?

[Michael McKean]

Oh, not really. It would just be.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I have room to talk about the next morning. Michael.

[Michael McKean]

Yeah. Then the. Like I say, in 10 days, no one would remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I still think Spinal Tap was a fair to midland movie. It was. Nothing was wrong with it. That's. I still. I just want you to know that. Well, you should see the four and.

[Michael McKean]

A half hour version that had some.

[Giovanni]

Extra Spinal Tap epic.

[Gina Grad]

Well, as Adam, as you mentioned earlier, the Most recent episode of Real Time with Bill Maher featured a segment where A man named Dr. Samir Chachoa claims to have a cure for HIV and has tested it out on Charlie Sheen. Chachoa claims his cure comes from the CAV virus, which says is present in the milk of arthritic goats. What this doctor, who's not licensed in this country, by the way, is offering is a cure, not a therapy. Which means. Means that after his services to Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen should have been HIV free, which I don't think he should, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

The milk of our arthritic goat sounds like a rabbi's cursing you. May you suckle at the teeth of the milk of an arthritic goat, and your teeth should fall out. Then hair should land in its place.

[Giovanni]

It sounds better in the original Hungarian, but you get the idea.

[Adam Carolla]

You get the idea. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

So, yeah, here he is on Real Time saying that he's so confident his cure works that even though Dr. Oz said this was a bad idea, he claims to have injected Sheen's HIV positive blood into his own body.

[Adam Carolla]

You injected Charlie Sheen's tiger blood into you, and you are neither HIV positive nor a tiger now. No, I, I, I saw a very sad person in a very sad place, and I really wanted to give him a boost, that there was real hope out there, there was a way of curing him, and I did that. It was spontaneous. But, you know, Oz is right. It would be crazy for him to do that because Oz doesn't have a real AIDS treatment. I do. It would be crazy. It would be crazy for us. He's not vaccinated. I am.

[Michael McKean]

Is he getting that kind of applause just because it's Bill's audience? And if Bill says he's okay, he's okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm guessing, I'm guessing if they're hooting like it's. That was Bill O'Reilly's audience, they would be clapping. Well, all you got to do up. I watch the show every week. All you have to do is you go, we think we invented medicine because we live in the West. Western medicine is a bunch of big pharma and big things. Try the line. You know who came up? Guys like Jonas Salk. That was an individual that wasn't a big conglomeration and start spouting out names. And then you just say big conversation, pharma and big and western medicine. And then everyone just applause. And then you explain. You say things like, we think we know better because we grew up in a. And we think we're and then everyone claps. That's.

[Michael McKean]

Well, I didn't see that segment. I did pretty silly looking.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the guy made some interesting points, but he was. I was distracted by his hair. It was a lot like Liam Neeson in the movie the Gray.

[Giovanni]

Sure. Not so gray.

[Adam Carolla]

His hair was too black to be in the movie called the Gray where he played a wolf hunter for an oil refinery. I said, that's a guy. Probably let it go around the temples just a little bit.

[Michael McKean]

My rooting interest. My rooting interest in that movie was totally with the wolves.

[Adam Carolla]

You wanted the wolves to win.

[Michael McKean]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Interesting.

[Michael McKean]

But I root for the bulls in bull fights too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm with you. Anyway, interesting. What's been a weird conversation with Charlie Sheen? Like, Charlie, what's up? I'm willing to get your AIDS from you.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Pull your pants up. We're going to do it a different way.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, this is how it's been done before.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going a different route.

[Michael McKean]

Do you like feta?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We're going a super boring route.

[Giovanni]

I don't not like feta.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

There's no way you'd ever take this cocktail because you hate goat cheese.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, you'll never be vaccinated.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I don't like goat cheese.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Dancing with the Stars pro Valch Markovsky is being sued for posting a meme on his Instagram page. The image in question showed an overweight kid drinking a soda with a text. Letting your child become obese should be considered child abuse. Val wrote in the caption. I am truly sorry for the lack of sensitivity.

[Adam Carolla]

Why?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, we'll get there. But on some level, I have to agree. Raising a child is the hardest thing in the world. I know. But being negligent?

[Adam Carolla]

Pay a nanny. They do all that.

[Michael McKean]

Let her put the Pepsi in the bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

But being negligent when it comes to their nutrition is a crime. Now the family of the girl in the picture who has down syndrome claims.

[Adam Carolla]

Or more. That is the worst publicst phone call. You know that kid that fat? Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Little fatty tubby McDrinks a lot. Yeah, I sure showed her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't worry.

[Giovanni]

I try to be hum hu. Humility about it. You know, I'm sorry for the insensitivity.

[Adam Carolla]

Before she was Tubby McChubby, she was Slowy McBlowy. Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

So cuz he's so fat she can't run fast?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. Long before that she has down syndrome. You can't Say that. Oh, I feel bad.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah. They claim that the 16 year old suffered extreme emotional distress and they want $6 million in damages. The family's also suing CBS News for reposting the meme, as well as the man who originally took and uploaded the photo.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. Well, okay, look, first off, if you have down syndrome, it still doesn't mean. Well, now you can have diabetes and down syndrome. Like, I think you can have down syndrome and look good in your underpants. Right?

[Giovanni]

Like, why, Chris, we'll cut this out afterwards.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not focus on health? I mean, I think like that part where you go, oh, this person's morbidly obese. And then you go, what? Oh, they have down syndrome. Oh, forget about it. Like, it's sort of elitist to do that. It's a healthy kid. You still should have. You should be healthy no matter what syndrome you have or don't have. Number one. That said, that said kids are fat and they're eating too much shit and it is their parents job to be the custodian of those kids. And every once in a while you have to say to those kids, hey, that's not good for you. Or that's a treat, or I've had conversations with my kids many times. Not, you're stupid. And this is fattening. This is fattening. It's not healthy. Eat this. This is healthy.

[Michael McKean]

You should also be able to say to your kids, you've lost too much weight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Michael McKean]

You look like you're about to die and you're only 16. 16, right. I mean, that exists.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. You should be able to say almost anything to your kids that is good for them, even if it doesn't sound super peppy, upbeat and happy.

[Michael McKean]

But all the, all the cool kids are obese. Mom, you don't hear that much either.

[Gina Grad]

If they waddle off a bridge, are you gonna do it?

[Adam Carolla]

Poor, poor. If they fall off the bridge and drain the lake of all its water by falling into it, displace all of it. Would you do that too? If Tubby o'. Brien. Let's say Tubby could walk, right? If Tubby's lark drove him to the edge of the bridge and then he hit the ejector seat, would that be okay for you too? Yeah. Well, so he's not at fault because A, he didn't know this person had down syndrome and B, he's basically as a dancer is saying, be healthy.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And. And not. He wasn't the one. I don't think saying anything disrespectful he was saying, this is a crime, this is bad for your kids. And they said, no, no, no, no.

[Michael McKean]

Was the kid. I didn't really see. Was the kid's face really kind of obscure buried in Pepsi?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

Because I mean, if someone is recognizable, you're supposed to get a release of some kind before you put it anywhere, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And also it's gotta be tougher too, obviously, if you have a child. So if you have a Down syndrome child and the child is chronologically 16, but maybe a 5 year old or 6 year old, mentally my kids are 9. But someday when they're 14, they'll understand. But if they're perpetually 6, I couldn't talk my kids out of, you know, no donuts for breakfast at 6 because they couldn't intellectually understand it. They just understood they wanted donuts. It's of kind. Gotta be a taller order talking to someone who has that. Because we all, unfortunately, intellectually at least understand that we can't have Cheetos for breakfast.

[Michael McKean]

But we want Cheetos.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but you grow up and.

[Michael McKean]

You don't do it right.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's the six year old. Part of us wants it. But if you're perpetually sick, that's gotta be a tough diet. Someone's gotta hover over you.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, absolutely. Well, Abe Haginson, who likes to call himself Honest Abe, claims to be the first homeless person in America to accept American American Express. He also accepts a few other cards as well. He lived on the streets for a decade, uses his cell phone to access Square, which is an app that allows him to take the payments just like any other businessman. He uses the free Internet at a nearby library to sort out details and to check the website he's built to set up odd jobs that he can also work for cash.

[Adam Carolla]

I pray he's not the only homeless Jewish person in America because it sets a very negative stereotype.

[Giovanni]

It's only so far.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy who ushers ushered in the whole electronic era when it came to being homeless. Where you could swipe, he'd take debit cards. He also did work the deal with Groupon as well. If he's the only Jewish homeless guy in the world, David, tell me looks.

[Michael McKean]

Like a homeless man, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that's actual.

[Michael McKean]

He's cheating.

[Gina Grad]

So Hagenson said his dream is to create an app that would identify fake panhandlers and to run a non profit for them homeless.

[Michael McKean]

It sounds like he's kicking himself upstairs.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So he wants to find people like, you're tired of seeing that guy panhandling out on the freeway off ramp and then climbing into his Bentley and going into his gated community. You want to bust that guy?

[Michael McKean]

But I used to wonder about, you know, because you see people in New York on the street and, you know, you give them a dollar. If I was in the process of handing someone a dollar and their cell phone went off, I would maybe hesitate.

[Giovanni]

It gave you pause thinking, who am.

[Michael McKean]

I paying your phone bill with this or helping out or who's. Where'd you get the phone? I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

He would probably argue that this is all going up my nose, that the phone bill is paying for that.

[Michael McKean]

That's why I love those guys who hold up a sign and say, I don't have any beer, please help out. I mean, at least they're honest.

[Gina Grad]

But I guess my question too is, what defines a fake panhandler? If he's just chilling with. With his square app, would he be a fake panhandler?

[Adam Carolla]

I think he is. My thing is, I think the deal is if you actually use that money and you're supporting your family and you're buying food for your family versus just buying a 40 and going to the park and all that kind of stuff, paying for a blow job and whatnot, then I think that's a fake panel. Yeah, yeah. I told you the. The most depressing episode in my life was playing a show. I think it was in Bakersfield. Who's out there? Is that Hank Williams or. No, it's the other guy.

[Michael McKean]

No, he'll come up with it.

[Adam Carolla]

You're better than I am. Paul Schaefer would know. He would. He's Johnny on the spot with that kind of information. But it's one of the greats is Bakersfield anyway. Not Dwight yoke him. But he is a baker.

[Michael McKean]

I think he was baker.

[Adam Carolla]

I was playing like Buck Owens theater. And because of the distance and the time, I ended up arriving like 40 minutes early. And I had nothing to do. So I thought, well, I'm driving home tonight. I'll just go fill up at the gas station and I'll be ready to go when the show's over. And I went to the gas station and white minivan pulled up with about six people in it. And they're all just sort of look like not too distant relatives of the chick who was. No, the ones sucking off the bucket of Pepsi. And they're all sitting in there. And a large woman of color came around to the passenger side window, which was down, and she said, you all Got any change? Any dollars? Any extra money? Anything you can help me out with? And the woman driving, the large woman who's driving the minivan said. Said, I don't have any money, but I would like to offer you some chicken. And handed her a bucket of chicken. Wow. Wow. Yeah. That's a move.

[Giovanni]

That's depressing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in that context, you had to be there.

[Michael McKean]

Did she just happen to have a bucket of chicken?

[Adam Carolla]

She was eating a bucket of chicken while she was driving because, you know.

[Michael McKean]

I got the picture.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a calorie burner. You know, one of those Aerostar. Well, it was. It was a standard shift. Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

It's not like it was automatic. I mean, she had to work a little.

[Adam Carolla]

It's free on the tree. Yeah. You have to work the arm. I don't know if there was power steering. I didn't.

[Michael McKean]

Probably not, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, the. You know that part in life where you try to climb out of your own asshole? Like that part where you try to shrink yourself and be invisible? Like they say when you're attacked by a bear, you should make yourself big. But there are also times when you're trying to make yourself a small, assuming attack by me doing the thing where I was turning my shoulder to kind of buffer, get the nozzle out of the Jag as fast as I could and back into the car with before, somehow the conversation spun around and became more. More poultry talk mixed with some panhandling. But I think that's the thing. Like, people go, you need food. Yeah, I need a couple of dollars for food. We'll give you, well, here's some food. But they go, no, I need a couple of dollars. In which case, maybe they don't need food. Maybe they need money for drugs. I'll tell you what. Let me talk about my man Shaq for a second, and then we'll do another story or two. Shaq. Shaq, the big podcast with Shaq at Podcast One Man. Check it out. Love me some Shaq. And you can go on there. You can check it out. They got Shaq. Really cool guys. Guy never met a dude who was as physically gifted. Actually, him and Deion Sanders, the two most physically sort of gifted guys in the world who also bring it when it comes to the attitude and the talk. Anyway, everybody's on this show, and they get Jimmy Fallon, they get Will Ferrell, they get everyone because they're all big Shaq fans. Sit there. He'll reminisce about the NBA days and the Kobe days and all that download at Podcast 1 and you can get the App Podcast 1 app at the App Store, Google Play or Podcast1.com. Make sure you give it a nice review, my good friend Shaq. All right, what else?

[Gina Grad]

Well, a powerful storm packing heavy rain and strong winds has been hammering Southern California, blowing down trees, knocking out power. One person in San Diego was killed when a large tree fell on their car. Other fallen trees have damaged homes and blocked traffic on busy roads, including Interstate 5. Winds gusting at 70 miles an hour have also blown down power lines, knocking out electricity to more than 100,000 people in San Diego and LA. More rain and wind is expected. I don't know if you heard this story, but this woman was sitting in her car and like an oak tree fell in it and killed her.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Well, where I'm from, she would get. Her corpse would be ticketed because the oak trees are an endangered species. And you have to like. I think our founding fathers would never stop vomiting if I was to explain to them, I have an old oak tree in my backyard, it's blocking the light or it's shedding acorns and stuff all over my car. I would like to cut it down, but I'm not allowed to. I can go to the city and ask their permission to cut it down, but they're probably going to say no. As a matter of fact, they will say, know I can then cut it down if I get a note from an arborist saying that the tree is sick and then. Oh yes, you can get it cut back though.

[Michael McKean]

You can get it.

[Adam Carolla]

You can cut back like 20% a year with again, you gotta go check with the city. I just love to talk to the fucking founding fathers about me asking permission to cut back my tree on my fucking land and where I live. It's littered with oak trees. Every property has four oak trees on, on it. It's weird. It's like crows, like they're endangered species. Really? Because there's one on your head right now. Yeah, there's one gnawing out your son's eyeballs.

[Michael McKean]

Crows chased all the hawks out of my neighborhood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Michael McKean]

And I used to. I love hawks. I mean, love me some hawks.

[Adam Carolla]

Me too.

[Michael McKean]

Now they're. They're all because the crows are bullies and they thugs. Yeah, yeah, they are. They're assholes. Nature study now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's not stereotype. I know many family oriented, hard working crows.

[Michael McKean]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not all bugs out there.

[Michael McKean]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Please let's not get into trouble like the guy from Dancing with the Stars. But yes, I see crows actively kicking the shit out of. Out of hawks all the time. I don't know what hawks did, but you can't shoot a crow because they're like an endangered species. Except for the only thing, that there's more every. For every square foot in my neighborhood, there's an oak tree that has 100 crows on it. So I know. Don't. I don't know. To me, like, I get the endangered part of, like, the snow leopard because someone goes, there's only 166, right. But this is. There's only 400 million on Corolla's property. When do you get out of endangered and into, hey, I want to cut my fucking tree down.

[Michael McKean]

Is there some way we can make. Just genetically make crows delicious so that then they could be.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that woman in the minivan could add a bucket of crow. So I see her saying, that's a.

[Gina Grad]

Good theory, but I think Adam might have a better one about what to do with crows.

[Adam Carolla]

My attack crows. Somebody shot me a video out of, I don't know, Sweden or one of those smarter countries than us, the Netherlands. They had a. They had an eagle trained up to go after drones.

[Michael McKean]

Saw it, right? Amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Not to this podcaster, because I've been talking about attack crows for years, and I've always said they're mean and they're smart and they use tools. They're smarter than we are. Let's not shit on this idea like we did with my golden palace on the live Grease show. Let's not do that.

[Michael McKean]

I would say that maybe crows are not as smart as you think.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, contraire.

[Michael McKean]

I think ravens are very smart. Crows, maybe not so much.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we're gonna have to look into this, because I get tweets every other day that show that not only can crows use tools, but they're complex. More than one tool they drop. If they have a nut that they can't crack open, they'll drop it on the street and they'll let the cars run over it.

[Michael McKean]

Do you ever see that thing? There was somebody once figured out if you put a jar with holes punched in the top, closed jar with fish in it, dead fish chum. And you put it in with an octopus. The octopus will always figure out how to open the jar.

[Giovanni]

The octopus is the world's smartest mollusk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's.

[Michael McKean]

I mean, that's like a very. It's still a tiny, tiny brain, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I'm saying good luck with me swinging the Police cruiser, door open and yelling at Dr. Plus, get him. All right, get them this. With my tacrows, we've established their mean. I take my word for it that they're very smart and they're also trainable. The other tweets that people give me is like the girl who made the little girl who made friends with the crows. The crows bring her gifts. They bring her like shiny things. And the guys who study crows have to put on masks because when they go out to get the little crow Chiclets, the other crows will attack them. Later on, when they walk out to their car, they recognize them and they attack them. In this day and age of terrorists everywhere, where the guys are just taken to the street with their AK40, the Takros sitting on the parapet of the building. Let's say, here we are, we're the newspaper that drew the funny, super funny picture of Allah. Wouldn't you want some attack crows sitting up there and then raining down upon these people. Or again, drones. Attack their head. Go at their head. That would stop.

[Giovanni]

The ultimate umbrella.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to run if a crow is attacking your head. You think you're better in a hunter hawk? Are you saying you're more noble than a hawk? Me? No. Yes.

[Michael McKean]

No, no. But I'm not a solo guy. I mean, I just, I just don't think that crows are gonna. Well, good luck with that, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right, well, listen, we'll compare notes.

[Michael McKean]

Once you've gotten this thing up and running. We'll compare notes.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get together and collaborate after this on a comedy. I thought he'd be a dentist. Okay, let's make him a shop teacher. I know.

[Michael McKean]

He's a shrink and he's nuts.

[Giovanni]

The first rule of improv is denied. The premise.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah. No. And all right, what else?

[Gina Grad]

Well, the Daily Mail reports that a man who threatened to break a seven year old child's legs for kicking the back of their seat during a flight has been fined 750 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

This chap does not look like the sort of gent that would ever engage in this. These kinds of perfectly upstanding.

[Gina Grad]

Prosecutors told the court 32 year old Brett Walter John Gale exploded at a child just moments after the plane left.

[Michael McKean]

He needs more first names.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Gina Grad]

I was thinking the Adelaide Airport. Gail was quoted as saying, quote, stop kicking the fucking seat and go on. Kick the fucking seat again and I'll break your legs. The court said, when another.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, who's the parent of the kid? That's, that's the thing. Like, I have kids, I take them out. If they start doing anything that's going to upset any other tables at the restaurant or rock, anything at all, I. Boom. You gotta go, Gunny Sack.

[Gina Grad]

Well, the court said that when another passenger stepped in and asked him to calm down, Gail grabbed his shirt and threatened him.

[Michael McKean]

Okay, Gail.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, there's more.

[Michael McKean]

That's an offense.

[Gina Grad]

He then directed his anger at the child's mother, directing a stream of verbal abuse. Abuse and swearing and demanding the child, the mother, discipline the child. The. The judge told Gail he should have ignored the child instead of inciting her to continue kicking the seat. And he was fined 750 bucks.

[Michael McKean]

So it was a little girl.

[Gina Grad]

Little girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Little girl. And it turned out she had down syndrome. So that's a pariah. Wait a second.

[Michael McKean]

Did you ever hear that story about Paul Lind? Paul Lind was on a plane one time, and there was a. There was a.

[Adam Carolla]

The middle square.

[Michael McKean]

Yes, the gay square.

[Adam Carolla]

The gay square. Yes, that's right.

[Michael McKean]

Very funny, man. And he was on a plane one time, and there was a toddler who was screaming. And he turned to the woman's mother or to the. To the child's mother and said, if you don't keep that kid quiet, I'm gonna fuck him.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that.

[Michael McKean]

Bless his heart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he'll be missed. It's weird. And you guys haven't lived until you've been threatened by a guy wearing a kerchief. I know. Yeah. Normally it's one or the other bandana and threat. But kerchief. I know.

[Giovanni]

The reason I'm not afraid for this little girl's future is because of the little thing Gina said, which the judge said, which is he incited her to keep kicking.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder. That guy's scary.

[Giovanni]

The show picture, that guy's scary looking. And the girl's like, fuck you. More kicking.

[Adam Carolla]

I was curious about that part too. And when I was a kid, especially seven, if all adults were the boss, that's number one. Like one of my friends parents were every bit the boss of me that my parents were of me. As a matter of fact, they were more the boss of me because my own parents, I sort of felt I could get away with stuff. But when David Vendig's dad would come home, oh, he was the worst. He was the worst. And he was angry. And whatever he told me to do, pow, that was it. So everybody. Everybody and all adults in general. I mean, if an adult, especially an adult male, they didn't even have scary tattoos back Then. But if a scary tattooed adult male, like, came up to me when I was seven, said, hey, knock it off or go walk on the other side of the street or do whatever it was, I just did it because adults were the boss.

[Gina Grad]

They're the authority.

[Michael McKean]

But wouldn't you, in this. In this situation, wouldn't you. If you had been that guy, wouldn't you have. Would you gone to the. The parent first?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

Mother first, say, look, could you ask him not to do this? I mean, it looks like the guy is just, you know, a red ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

And he just kind of went.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you can kind of tell he's. I don't know what his tattoos are of.

[Michael McKean]

No. But the beard says volumes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He's got the weird paintbrush piercing going on the. On the eyebrow, serpent skeletons wearing the devil shirt and all that good stuff. So he sounds like an asshole. But the idea, Brian, you're right, that the judge said that it incited the kid. If I was a kid and this guy. When you're seven, this guy represents just scary biker, adult. If this guy turned around and went, I'm gonna break your legs, you know, shut the fuck up and stop it right now. I would have been an ice sculpture for the remainder of the flight. And then also possibly scared that my own parent would discipline me. The idea that I would keep kicking makes this kid a little demon seed as well.

[Michael McKean]

So this is the little girl's name was Willow.

[Adam Carolla]

This is just a guess. This is douche on pre Douche crime right here.

[Giovanni]

A little version of himself.

[Michael McKean]

Tomorrow's douches.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Maybe felt a little too much of himself in the small of his back. On it, baby. Inspiring. Peak performance. They got unique products. X. They got experts, they got professionals, they got doctors, and they can help you. They got the Warrior bar, the buffalo meat. 140 calories, 14 grams of protein. No MSG, no lactose, no antibiotics, no nitrates, no gluten. None of that stuff. Just good stuff. MCT oil. Dump this stuff in my coffee every morning. 100% pure coconut oil. And Dr. Drew is normally a snob about all this stuff. Swears by the MCT oil. Also, Alpha brain enhances the focus and memory. I have the jump rope that I use. They sell the equipment, they sell the supplements, they sell everything. The jump rope, I think is like 10 bucks. And I've been using it for like three years. And I'm about time to try another one because I'm wearing through it, but it really works well. I jump, roping, skipping rope. Is my thing. That's a great cardio. People come to me and ask me, what rope should I use, what kind should I use? This kind. The leather one with the wood handles. Don't bother. Go to Onnit and get that one. Onnit.com Adam, get 10% off. That's on it, baby. All right, let's do one more, shall we?

[Gina Grad]

Well, apparently, prenups are not as distasteful to couples as they used to be. According to a new Australian wedding survey, 60% of respondents said they'd be happy to sign a prenup before getting married, while 20% said they'd be willing to consider it. Only 20% were against prenups.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody hold on. Everybody's for everything until it actually goes.

[Gina Grad]

They get the pen out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Chicks are like, I don't like jewelry and flowers are just a waste of money. And then you get married and then they change. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I tried to put myself in this position. I thought, intellectually it makes sense. You, if you're gonna break up, you leave with what you came in with. But if Tim, my boyfriend, said, you know what? I'd love to marry you, blah, blah, blah, if you could just. And he slides the paperwork across, that would feel bad. And I understand that it might be necessary, but it really would feel bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very sad. It's like you might as well go pick out funeral plots later on that day.

[Giovanni]

It's unpleasant, but necessary in a lot of respects. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, like the funeral plots, if you have means. I mean, look, first off, anything that happens 50% of the time, you'd be insane not to try to protect yourself. If there was a 50% chance of you driving home and getting in an accident, you chose not to wear your seatbelt, it would be criminally insane for you not to put your seatbelt on. And we could all see that. So statistically, it's 50% of the time, at least out here. So, number one. Number two, the laws are sort of bizarre and not really evenly wide weighted either direction. Whoever comes in with whatever has the most to lose. So it is sort of. They would be unnecessary if every divorce was just looking at. On a case by case, from a case by case standpoint, which you'd go, okay, you had this, you did that, you were doing this, you did that. So that means you get this and then you get that. But it doesn't work that way at all. All. It's big corporate. I mean, it's a big money Making business. Every horrible story I've ever heard is the lawyers just ended up walking away with everything. And ironically, there wasn't anything left. Everything starts this way. Everything starts with. Look, I don't want to get dragged in the mud here. Look, it's all about the kids. We're right. Thinking adults, so it hasn't worked out for us, but let's not have this be acrimonious. Like, let's just really just work it out, one adult to another. I think we'd be mature. And I think between a the two of us, let's not drag in a bunch of suits and waste thousands of dollars. And by the way, that's money. It could be going to the kids college fund, but instead it's going. Then the chick goes out to lunch, and she goes out to lunch with one of her friends, and one of her friends was divorced, and one of her friends just goes, you need to just talk to this guy, Marty Adelstein. Sorry, but you need. You should at least talk.

[Gina Grad]

But we already. You know what? We have such a good relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

Talk to him. I know, and I'm not even saying.

[Gina Grad]

He'S a great guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll have him call you. I'll have him call you. Just talk to him. Because you're not being fair to yourself. You're not being fair to yourself or the kids. Just talk to Marty. That's all.

[Gina Grad]

Just so I'll tell you that I talked to him.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we'll not give you the bum raj. He'll not give you the hard sell. Just talk to Marty. That's all.

[Gina Grad]

That seems fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Just better call Saul. That's it. That's it. Just talk to Marty. So just go down. I'll make the appointment. Just go down there in Culver City. Just go down. You owe it to yourself. It's not responsible for you. Are you a lawyer?

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have any legal training?

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you a paralegal? Are you a stenographer? Okay, then talk to. I like when people have known people for 31 years. So you're not an attorney?

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Giovanni]

You're not a bailiff?

[Adam Carolla]

You're not a bailiff?

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Or a federal judge. Okay, well, then talk to Mars. Just hear what he has to say.

[Gina Grad]

That seems fair.

[Adam Carolla]

And from now we're off and running.

[Giovanni]

You finished with federal judge? Threw it all the way down the list.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you Supreme Court?

[Michael McKean]

I have not seen you on the Supreme Court.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So then he has to get the lawyer, and the next thing you know, the lawyers are talking and Next thing you know, the couple's arguing, and next thing you know, the meter's running constantly and it's a big fat fucking scam.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you have a point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And that's why if I ever get divorced, I'm not going to hire someone to kill my wife. I'm going to hire someone to kill me. I want to go to heaven, but I'm going to find that guy Abe, right? And I'm going to look very grown up. You want to make 500 quick? Yeah, I'll go ahead and swipe my car. Yeah, but you got to promise, you still got that square 500 limit, right?

[Giovanni]

There's a three and a half percent surcharge because, you know, it's American Express.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, all right. Tack it on.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Make it four. Live a little. But I. But. But I want my kids to get the mileage.

[Giovanni]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, you don't have shoes. Where are you?

[Giovanni]

I don't even have a freaking flyer.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll get the mileage. You go ahead and swipe the American Express card. And then I'm going to need you to have one of your hobo friends kill me.

[Giovanni]

Okay, Fair enough.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Giovanni]

Can do.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to deal with Marty.

[Michael McKean]

Robert Durst will do it for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Durst will, and he'll do it for free.

[Michael McKean]

He's got plenty of bucks, so. He doesn't. Yeah, he just. He's in it for the sport.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. It's great. When it's such a. It's. It's such a weird, you know, all these human. All these impulses, like, sort of like killing people. You have to be into it. You're either in or you're out. Yeah. It's not like someone goes, you want to.

[Giovanni]

No one dabbles in killing people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like, no one goes, you want to murder someone? I go, so what day is it?

[Gina Grad]

I tried it once. Didn't take.

[Adam Carolla]

I tried it in college. Wasn't my thing.

[Giovanni]

Every few years I tried again. It's just not. It's not a passion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but for some people, this.

[Giovanni]

I get the appeal.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's how we get murdered, because we can't imagine anybody doing that. Like, you just go, I could. It's physically impossible for me to pick up a knife and thrust it into someone else's abdomen.

[Michael McKean]

And then you have to deal with what's on the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Floor.

[Michael McKean]

You have to, you know, if you're gonna. Unless you're gonna say, call the cops and say, look, I Just did this. I'm gonna be open with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Michael McKean]

I mean, chances are you're gonna want to get away with it, and it's not that easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

Because you mostly don't.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Michael McKean]

Or speaking from experience.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

What do you know?

[Michael McKean]

I can't go into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody who gets busted, though, somebody drops a dime on them.

[Giovanni]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like. We caught these cons in San Francisco because. So somebody dropped a dime.

[Giovanni]

That's Kaczynski, the Unabomber.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

His brother. Brother turned him in. Yep.

[Giovanni]

It's always something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

We did the right thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said this. Every single cop show is called no Time for Backup, but it accurately should be called let's Wait by the Phone.

[Giovanni]

Ample Time for Backup.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sitting on hold. Because all they do is they go, we've been trying to catch this guy for 21 years. And then his brother calls up and goes, hey, man, the guy looks like Harrison Ford on a bad day. He's in a gardening shed up in those arcs there. So go ahead and get him.

[Giovanni]

I mean, I feel like Bernie Madoff's son dropped a dime on him or was involved in the investigation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, after his father admitted it to him.

[Giovanni]

His two sons. Yeah, but he wasn't under investigation. My point is, he had someone.

[Adam Carolla]

Two sons turned him in. To be fair to the law enforcement community and just the community at large, the Unabomber's composite sketch was the least helpful composite sketch ever.

[Gina Grad]

Ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, we'll put some huge Swifty Lazar glasses on a guy, and then we'll pull a hood over his head, and then we'll make him a white guy between the age of 21 and 62, somewhere between 133 pounds and morbidly obese. So keep an eye out for everyone.

[Gina Grad]

Like, he might have some scruff.

[Adam Carolla]

The sketch with the hood pulled up, I'm guessing he's not walking around with the hoodie on like in movies. Movie theaters. With the sunglasses.

[Michael McKean]

I know I'll lose the hoodie. They'll never know who I am.

[Adam Carolla]

That sketch was the least useful sketch on the planet.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of sketch, around your era, Michael of snl, they did a fake interview with the sketch artist. You know what I mean? He's like, I really specialize. Showed other sketches. There's guys in cowboy hats and big old sunglasses. I really specialize in hats and sunglasses. Been caught a one.

[Michael McKean]

Do you know Frankie Boyle? Scottish comedian, Very, very funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably would know. He.

[Michael McKean]

He talks about. He says the sketch that they show of child molesters it's always the same. It's a. It's a beard and the dark glasses. What is it about that look that children find so sexy?

[Adam Carolla]

It's encoded in their DNA. Gary, can you find us that Unabomber? I'll tell you about Not Safe with Nikki Glaser first and then you guys find that Unabomber sketch because there's no way anyone could find anyone based on that. Check out Comedy Central's new series about sex. Comedian Nikki Glaser is going to be on this show coming up soon and has been on this show. She's self proclaimed curious perv. She explores all the taboo stuff and it's all funny. She keeps it cool, classy. Nikki's not afraid to ask the hard questions and she makes everyone else uncomfortable. It's funny. I watch it, I like it, I recommend it. Not Safe with Nikki Glaser. Not Safe with Nikki Glaser. That's N I K K I. And premieres Tuesday, February 9, 10:30 on Comedy Central and on the Comedy Central app. So if you don't have that, get that Nikki Glazer, we'll bring her in here and we'll talk about it. But it's really, really funny. Anyway, she likes it when you watch. Do you have it there, Gary? There he is.

[Gina Grad]

Looks like Weird Al.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he looks side by side, too. When you're ready. Well, hold on a second. First off, now take your time, Gary, but I can find you a picture of John Holmes that looks a lot more like this guy than Ted Kaczynski looks like.

[Giovanni]

We do a side by side by side. One on the left and one on the left.

[Adam Carolla]

Mary John holmes, he's got the 70s porn mustache, the same hair, he's got the same jawline, bangs. All right. Yeah. Now, Kaczynski, when they found him, looked like to me, looked like Harrison Ford had let himself go. He had the crazy.

[Giovanni]

I've decided he was a handsome looking younger man.

[Adam Carolla]

Kaczynski?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Yes. Have you ever seen the picture?

[Gina Grad]

I didn't, but I did hear, I think it was an episode of Radiolab or one of those shows where they talked about about what they think made him snap and this story about how he had a professor in college who berated them and humiliated him. And he was, I think a little younger than everyone else because he was super smart, maybe skipped a grade or two and the guy just basically broke him. And they're wondering if that might have had something to do with this.

[Adam Carolla]

No, because listen, I've had a thousand douchebag Football coaches just call me a piss ant, tell me I was working, worthless, and I. Oh.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. I argue, he looks a lot more like John Holmes than his.

[Michael McKean]

He looks a little like, oh, boy, there's some other face lurking in there too.

[Giovanni]

You found John Holmes with glasses?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael McKean]

Well, pull.

[Adam Carolla]

Good pull. But not the hair. The hair. John. If you find John without the glasses, you'll see that weird white dude perm that was there. But this whole thing of, like, that's what made him snap.

[Michael McKean]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

My whole life has been one episode that's attempted to make me snap. Like, I've had the shittiest jobs, the shittiest bosses, the shittiest foreman, the shittiest teachers. Yes. I've had it all. I've never snapped.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So this whole thing of like. Well, he had these professors that were really. They bullied him a lot verbally, and now he's blowing up college.

[Michael McKean]

But he's the only one in that. In that professor's career who started blowing things up.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Michael McKean]

So that's also correct. You can't put that at his doorstep. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but you sound a lot like the professor at Thanksgiving when people are throwing those accusations out.

[Michael McKean]

That's me. Thousands of people avoid Thanksgiving. People think I'm smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally. A thousand students and only one made bombs. Yeah, that's right. There's the John Holmes. I say he looks a lot more like the late, great John Holmes.

[Michael McKean]

The picture on the left looks like Raoul Esparza, you know, from Law and Order. He's the last few years Law and Order svu. He's also a big star on Broadway. Lovely guy. And, you know, that's it. But he's no, that's him way not cleaned up. He really has. He could play him.

[Gina Grad]

You're absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we gotta look. Oh, yeah, he can play The Unabomber. Michael McKeon, TV show Better Call Saul. We all know season two premieres February 15th. Coming up 10 o' clock on AMC US live shows. Irvine Alonzo Bowdoin's coming out with us. North Hollywood, out here at the el Portal Theater. February 27th, Irvine's 17th. Denver, St. Louis, Vancouver, Seattle. The Moore Theater. Man. Oh, if we could sell out that place with a podcast, that would be awesome. April 23rd, I think we are Portland on the 24th at the Aladdin theater, some European shows, [e-mail] so till next time, Adam Carolla for Michael McKean. Tina grand bald Brian saying, mahalo.

[Michael McKean]

If you don't keep that kid Quiet. I'm gonna him.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is adam Carla Show 1748. Both Matt Besser and Michael had both.

[Adam Carolla]

Previously appeared on Loveline with Adam Corolla. So it's interesting to have him back on the podcast format now. Come up over almost 10 years ago. Fun flashback to the Adam, Bryan and Gina era. All right, that is it for days Pro Classics.

[Giovanni]

Until next weekend. Mahalo and get it on.