Naomi Grossman + Teresa and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show (Classics): Naomi Grossman + Teresa and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Episode Date: April 11, 2026
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Naomi Grossman, Matt Atchity, Gina Grad, Bald Brian, Teresa Strasser (classic segment), Bryan Bishop (classic segment)

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Episode Overview

This "Carolla Classics" episode revisits some of the best moments from the Adam Carolla Show's archive while featuring an appearance by Naomi Grossman (American Horror Story). Adam and the team deliver their signature blend of comedy, pop culture conversation, listener interaction, and riffing on everyday frustrations. The episode traverses topics from parenting and the entertainment industry to personal anecdotes, film criticism, pop culture, and relationships. A classic segment with Teresa Strasser and Bryan Bishop, exploring health and wedding stories, rounds out the show.

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Main Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Bringing Kids to Work & Parenting Philosophy

• Adam recounts bringing his kids to the set of “Catch a Contractor” and argues for exposing children to real-life environments over standard classroom days, saying experiential learning has long-term benefits.
  • “One day of being on set with me the entire day and seeing what everybody does...is so much more valuable than—can you ever think of a valuable day that you had in class?” (Adam Carolla, 02:00)
• Discussion of children witnessing parents at work and how respect is a critical parenting component, not just friendship.
  • “I really think they need to respect the shit out of you. I really do. That is a massive thing.” (Adam Carolla, 04:30)

2. LA Driving Rant & On-the-Road Etiquette

• Adam describes a routine merge on the freeway that provoked an outsized angry reaction from a fellow driver, leading to a humorous but pointed rant about road rage and overreactions.
  • “I just thought where's all this coming from and what's going on and how's the rest of your life working out?” (Adam Carolla, 08:30)
• The team riffs on the psychology of overblown responses in traffic and the general increase in confrontational behavior.

3. Anecdotes: Poolside Mishap & Social Etiquette

• Gina Grad tells the story of accidentally dropping someone’s phone in a pool before a wedding, leading to a frantic leap to retrieve it—an experience blending humiliation and empathy.
  • “Dive in like an Olympian swimmer...come out like Ariel, 'I got it!'"(Gina Grad, 20:01)
• Adam expands on the idea that, if you mess up after being asked a favor, ultimate responsibility lies with the requester—a "chain of events" principle.

4. Stoned vs. Drunk Self-Assessment (Sketch)

• Adam and Matt Atchity act out the difference between denying drunkenness and sheepishly admitting to being stoned, highlighting the self-awareness gap between the states.
  • "Are you drunk right now?" “No, I mean, I had a beer or like two, but I’m not drunk drunk…” (Adam Carolla & Matt Atchity, 24:38)

5. Caller Segment: Estranged Parent Reconnection

• Caller Marissa shares her experience with a runaway mother and asks Adam if his strong views about absent fathers apply to mothers too.
• Adam, the team, and Marissa discuss the added emotional weight and “against-nature” quality of maternal abandonment, empathizing with Marissa while dissecting family dysfunction.
  • “When a woman abandons a child, she’s broken...When a mom is able to do it, that woman is horribly broken.” (Adam Carolla, 27:25–28:15)
• Adam’s advice: “Be selfish. Get what you need out of the relationship (or lack thereof)—it’s your turn to put yourself first.” (Adam Carolla, 34:44)

6. Free Speech, Public Shaming, and Punishments

• Discussion about the University of Oklahoma SAE scandal and broader thoughts on institutional vs. societal punishment for objectionable speech/actions.
  • “By the time it gets to us, they’ve been punished in my mind...that guy or those guys will have some scarlet letter on them for some period of time.” (Adam Carolla, 36:40)
• The team debates university accountability, pressure to act under public scrutiny, and the flaws of “apology culture.”

7. Rotten Tomatoes Game: Ed Harris Edition

• Matt Atchity leads the panel through a ranking game of Ed Harris movies based on Rotten Tomatoes critic scores.
• Film discussion includes The Abyss, Glengarry Glen Ross, Enemy at the Gates, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and Pollock.
  • “It’s a fun movie—delivered exactly what the poster promised.” (Adam, on Nat’l Treasure, 63:07)
  • Notably, the team debates how politics and persona (Adam’s own, or directors like Eastwood) might impact critical reception.

8. Naomi Grossman Interview: The Groundlings and American Horror Story

• Naomi talks about her journey through improv—making it to the Groundlings’ Sunday Company, but not the main troupe.
  • “It’s faster to be an astronaut...Or a medical physician, probably cheaper too.” (Naomi Grossman, 72:23)
• Reflections on paths to success in show business, and American Horror Story’s anthology format.
  • “The roster of people who have not become Groundlings that became successful is much lengthier than that which became Groundlings.” (Naomi Grossman, 71:44)
• The panel jokes about SNL one-seasoners and the unpredictability of comedy careers.

9. News & Notables

• Gina’s news covers:
  • Howard Stern’s future: Massive undisclosed job offer, possibly leaving SiriusXM.
  • Boxing for Charity: Mitt Romney vs. Evander Holyfield; Adam jokes about the ultimate black-vs-white matchup, but laments that it won’t be a real fight. (“If anyone was a racist either side and wanted to really root for their own, this is the fight.”, 97:03)
  • Comedy Central’s Justin Bieber Roast: Editing out Paul Walker jokes due to audience groans and boundaries of “roast” humor.
  • Legal Marijuana Taxes in Colorado: Massive boost to education funding, but Adam is skeptical more school funding translates to better educational outcomes.
• Colorful riffing about modern pornography, moving boundaries, and what today’s youth encounter online.
• Adam’s “Get Out of Jail Free” idea: Every citizen entitled to one freak-out, DUI, indecent exposure, or youthful infraction—because people are human.

10. Classic Segment: Teresa Strasser & Bald Brian

• Original 2009 segment revisits:
  • Brian’s health update: Brain tumor treatment, navigating symptoms, and support from his wife Chrissy.
  • Teresa’s pregnancy: Reflections on the length and emotional impact, especially the amplified effect of watching sad movies.
    • “I wake up and start crying, and then I cry for about 15 minutes.” (Teresa Strasser, 117:41)
  • Wedding stories: Adam and Lynette miss a wedding ceremony; Adam jokes about “wearing a bra and a jockstrap”—the burdens of modern husbands.
  • Listener calls cover: Boxing, favorite fights, the state of the Mini Cooper, and bogus Loveline calls.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “You want to be a parent, then at some point your kid needs to respect the shit out of you.” (Adam Carolla, 04:30)
• “My first impulse is like, I want to think to myself, to anyone behind me, you have no idea what I could do to you if you provoked.” (Adam Carolla, 13:25)
• “Drunk, constantly trying to drink right. But you've lost some hand-eye coordination...If you're stoned, thing would be tied in a hefty bag and taped to a mop handle and planted on the lawn 100 yards away.” (Adam Carolla, 23:02)
• “When a mom is able to look at her son or daughter and just go, 'Yeah, I'm alright. For a little over a decade in between seeing you,' that woman is horribly broken.” (Adam Carolla, 28:14)
• “I’ll give you one. When I’m in charge, I’ll give them one of like five or six things. Maybe shoplifting...every citizen will be born with one, get out of jail free.” (Adam Carolla, 88:06)
• “I’m not saying all of them. I’m saying a percentage [of critics] might let [politics] bleed in.” (Adam Carolla, 57:49)
• “It’s faster to be an astronaut…Or a medical physician, probably cheaper too.” (Naomi Grossman, 72:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |:--------|:---------| | Bringing kids to work, parenting | 01:11–06:50 | | Road rage & LA traffic rant | 07:47–10:41, 12:35–16:50 | | Pool phone rescue story | 18:09–22:52 | | Stoned vs. drunk debate/skit | 24:14–25:30 | | Estranged parent/caller Marissa | 25:55–34:45 | | Free speech & university punishments | 35:35–43:07 | | Rotten Tomatoes (Ed Harris) game | 50:37–65:16 | | Naomi Grossman interview | 71:36–76:20 | | News segment | 76:54–101:17 | | Pornography & cultural change | 101:17–102:16 | | Classic segment w/ Teresa & Bryan | 107:17–159:14 |

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Tone and Language

• Adam Carolla: Candid, irreverent, blending personal stories and societal commentary with humor; unfiltered, confessional, and occasionally profane.
• Gina Grad: Warm, witty, detail-oriented in anecdotes and the news.
• Bald Brian, Matt Atchity, and others: Supportive, joke-driven, weaving in pop culture and industry insights.
• Naomi Grossman: Self-deprecating, honest, and quick-witted.

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For New Listeners

This episode offers a comprehensive sample of Adam Carolla’s podcast style: off-the-cuff parenting advice, unpredictable rants, playful banter, honest discussions of uncomfortable topics, games and debates about pop culture, and a steady flow of audience interaction. The classic segment returns listeners to the show's roots, with heartfelt and humorous moments from beloved regulars.

Transcript

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[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Matt Atchity]

Classics I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans. Select the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to hear any of the full episodes or clips presented in these episodes, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com there you'll find ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the podcast Beat It Out.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd like to request a clip,

[Matt Atchity]

please email us classicsomcorla.com all right, let's get to the clips coming up first we have Adam curlis show 1534 featuring Naomi Grossman, Matt Achetty, Regina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2015.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt Hatchety, everybody. Rotten Tomatoes. Good to see you, my friend.

[Matt Atchity]

Aloha.

[Adam Carolla]

Aloha. Boy, I don't know what's going on out there, but I was just driving back from Walnut, which is. And that's, that's every time I talk to the Catch A Contractor guys and they tell me where I need to be the following morning at 8am I go, you understand? I've spent 50 years in this area uninterrupted. I have not heard of most of the places you're sending me to. I don't know how you're consistently able to pull that off. Every once in a while you think you'd sprinkle in a Reseda or a Sherman Oaks or, or if it was a Hollywood or Westwood or something. And I'd go, yeah, I think I used to date a chick who lived in Reseda or something. But these are all places I know not of. But I took my kids with me because, you know, they're driving me nuts. They're on their spring break.

[Matt Atchity]

They want to teach them to catch contractors early.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they want to catch contractors. They like the show. And it's sort of. There's a lot of kids that like the show because it has that sort of thing. Thematically, it's easy. You know, it's a bad guys and then the big guy with the tattoos yells at him, tell the teacher. So it's pretty easy thematically, and they Wanted to go. And so we got up early this morning and we drove out to Walnut. And then I drove straight here from Walnut. And then they hung out the whole time. And they're sweet kids and, you know, I'm one of the stars of the show, so they're not going to get yelled at too much, but they're good. I mean, I thought they. I was kind of trying to teach. I am a very strong believer in bring your kids to expose your kids to kind of, you know, this sort of one day in the classroom. I mean, even they were off. But if they were in class, one day of being on set with me the entire day and just seeing what everybody does, from makeup and hair to the sound guy to all the producers and the blood, the video guys and all that stuff is so much more valuable than. Can you ever think of a valuable day that you had in class? I mean, some better than others, but one that you couldn't have burnt off to really go be in the middle of a production?

[Bald Brian]

Well, that especially because most. Most people spend the majority of their lives where they were born. They end up coming back and they live there. They just live there forever. And if they're going to live in this town forever, it's nice to know that there are many jobs associated with the entertainment industry or production or.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and also a lot of kids grow up not knowing what their parents do for a living, certainly not being able to explain it to somebody else.

[Matt Atchity]

Well, and even more importantly, there's no craft service in school.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Thank you for getting me many a kebab was.

[Matt Atchity]

Had a note from the fat guy in the room. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, good food and a super far away place. But kids had a fun time and look, they get a kick out of watching their daddy do what he does and what they see on tv. And for me, that's a huge part of being a parent. You know, this part about you need to be their friend and their confidant and they need to trust you and they need to. Bubba, I really think they need to respect the shit out of you. I really do. That is a massive thing. Like we're always talking about, are they getting the filtered water and are they learning, you know, are they learning a second language? And what about music? And how about, by the way, how everything expands everything? It turns out two hours of cello practice a day and the statistics of them getting into a top five school go up 28%. Like, yeah, all right, no shit. But I know.

[Bald Brian]

I follow sleaze daycare what I'm saying

[Adam Carolla]

is watching Daddy or mommy do their thing or interact with other people or have other people come up to them and address them with respect and have Daddy or mommy respect back to them, real good thing for kids to be exposed to. And yes, Matt, do you close the

[Matt Atchity]

loop with them to a certain extent on, like, okay, and kind of go back through, like, here's why I did this, and here's what I was doing, and kind of give them a little insight as to why what you're doing is important.

[Adam Carolla]

No, my thing is kids are pretty spongy, and they don't need the explanation. They just need the realization. They just need to see it sort of unfold. They'll take from it what they will, but I just want them to just be in it, you know, I don't turn it into these things where we drive back from Walnut and I quiz them up on who's doing the sound and who the first AD is.

[Gina Grad]

Who hold the boom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, who's the boom person versus the mixing person or whatever. It's just come down, spend a day, see where I go. By the way, when you watch me on tv, you can see now where we're at. And then just kind of through osmosis, just absorb. And I don't need to quiz you, and I don't need to know what you learned. I just. You got something out of it. Probably something different than I'd imagined, or each one of them probably got something different, but either way, they got something. And it felt good. It feels good to share that. And more people ought to do it if they can. Now, I'd imagine if I was lower down the totem pole, they probably would have told me to leave my fucking kids at home. But they have to be nice to you. That's the one good thing about being on a show, is they have to pretend to be nice to you, you know?

[Matt Atchity]

So the takeaway is be the boss so that you can take your own kids anywhere you want.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's what I'm saying. Well, Matt, you bring your kids to Rotten Tomatoes every once in a while, right?

[Matt Atchity]

I do, but I don't let anyone else take theirs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Matt Atchity]

I want to see their damn kids.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Gina Grad]

Were they inquisitive at all? Or they just sat there quietly taking it all in?

[Naomi Grossman]

Just a waste of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Natalia and Skip's wife, Allison, are having a love affair. So she's making her all up with the makeup and doing all this stuff and Sonny's floating around and.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they wanted to want to tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. They want to get on camera and blah blah, blah. So I shot a little thing with them. It's probably never going to see the light of day but you know, they think they don't understand how much hits the floor.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they do those ad buster things between the commercials. Little like, you know, 10 second things maybe making them worried.

[Gina Grad]

Gonna have to tap tartly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. So anyway, that's what I did.

[Bald Brian]

But Google it.

[Adam Carolla]

When I was driving. Yeah, it's a union thing. When I was driving back, it was raining a little bit. I was merging from the 134 to the 5. It was one of those. Okay, there's a couple arrows sideways kind of telling you you're going to be merging. I'm real good with the blinker. I put the blinker on well in advance. I do that move where I'm a little bit ahead of a car that's to my left and I'm going to merge in front of it. So I got the blinker on. I start to speed up. I don't do the move where I speed up and get around the person. I just sort of slid in front of this nice ish looking 30 something year old woman in an SUV and get the horn honk kind of to the point where I'm a little bit confused like who's she honking at or is that for me? Because I don't really do anything. Nothing aggressive, nothing herky jerky. Just literally slid in a merge from one freeway to another. Just slid in front of her, starting out a little bit ahead of her. Didn't have to hit the gas or the brake or jerk the wheel or anything. And then I realized I'm getting the extended dance horn. Like not just a tap, like hey man, I'm getting the lean on the thing. And then I look in my rear view and she's just got the f finger up and she's just holding it in place for an extended period of time. And I just thought where's all this coming from and what's going on and how's the rest of your life working out? And I'm driving a nice car, I got my kids in the car. What really just transpired here by the way? It's very trafficky, there's a lot of cars on the freeway. It's 5:30.

[Bald Brian]

How is this interaction going affect you in the next hour, let alone the rest of your day?

[Gina Grad]

Well, something tells me this started way before you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I hope her fucking stepdad dropped more than one digit on her. And that's where this all comes from. I mean, that's how I sleep at night. But. And I hope they were in untraditional places, places where digits don't often find homes. But either way, I got that. I just thought, well, first off, it's drizzling. It's 5:30 in the afternoon. It's LA. I didn't do anything. You've given the long horn and the long unbroken fu. You just finger out straight in front of her face. I ended up. It was so trafficky that I ended up just getting six car lengths ahead of her without even speeding up. It was just, the traffic was so slow. And it's just this thing where it's like there's a part of me that. There's a part of me that always just wants to pull up next to him and just pull a gun out and just put it back in just to get him to stop. Like, what are you doing? What's the upside to this? Potent. Who knows? I could be Suge Knight. It could be a really bad day for me.

[Bald Brian]

Or a good day for Suge Knight.

[Adam Carolla]

A good day for Suge Knight.

[Matt Atchity]

Or a normal day for Suge Knight.

[Adam Carolla]

I could have just learned I got divorced.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Naomi Grossman]

After 80 years of learning his wildfire

[Gina Grad]

prevention tips, Smokey Bear lives within us all.

[Naomi Grossman]

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[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

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[Adam Carolla]

Divorced and I could have just heard from the attorneys that they're taking the house and whatever else. And I could just be on my fucking last nerve and I could be in ramming mode. Like, what is that? Why are we so fucking casual about this? And when did it just sort of permeate our society?

[Gina Grad]

And when you're encased in metal, you feel a righteous indignation and you go for it. People, everybody does it.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it.

[Gina Grad]

I'm not excusing it. I'm saying I think that's why people do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just driving. Like, I'm just driving. There's nothing aggressive herky jerky or anything about it. Just. It was a merge. I slid in front of you could have put the brake on and got tucked in behind you, but there was no reason to do it. I just sort of. Just sort of dovetailed right in front of you. No. No move at all. Long honk with a big old finger.

[Gina Grad]

So your amygdala didn't get hijacked. You just kept moving.

[Adam Carolla]

I. My first impulse is like, I want to think to myself, to anyone behind me, you have no idea what I could do to you if you, if you provoked. How do you know that? I fucking taught boxing for 20 years, you know what I mean? I could just be. Fucking punch a hole in your head. Like, what are you doing? Well, why are you. Why are you. Yeah, why are you fucking doing this Russian roulette all the time, Whoever it is. I'm looking at my rearview mirror. I got £100 on this bitch. Who knows? I could be fucking hopped up on tranquilizers and just fucking jump out of my car and just attack or whatever. It's like, why are you doing this? So my first impulse is like, I can't believe that you're just throwing this out there willy nilly to the world

[Gina Grad]

as an invitation to get your ass kicked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And then my second one is, oh God, who cares. And then my third is Always all they want is a reaction, and I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna give them one.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they want the ball pitched back to them.

[Adam Carolla]

Something.

[Gina Grad]

Are you.

[Matt Atchity]

I find the best way to give that reaction back is you do the smile and wave.

[Bald Brian]

Like, I do that too.

[Adam Carolla]

That makes me crazier, right? Like, hey, how's it going?

[Gina Grad]

Are you guys people that absolutely have to speed up person to get a look at him? Because I'm not. I actually hate that give him the stink guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Well, I think about.

[Gina Grad]

No, the one if, like, somebody you don't like, the way the person in front of you is driving, so you pull up next to him and give him a look and see he's in there.

[Adam Carolla]

I think about the smile and wave is good, but it's still something.

[Bald Brian]

It's engaging.

[Adam Carolla]

And I would always argue that nothing. I mean, I look at everything as, like a high school breakup. You know, that girl coming up to you and going, danny Finnegan, I hate you and I never want to see you again ever. It's so much better than, huh? Oh, yeah, you. Nah, I don't think so.

[Bald Brian]

I pray to God we have a listener named Dan Finn.

[Adam Carolla]

Me too.

[Matt Atchity]

But what did he do?

[Gina Grad]

That's his new ringtone.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing is devastated. It starts off with the hair pulling, and then it goes to, I never want to see you again. Are you sick of me or I hate you? Whereas if you were the last man on earth, I wouldn't be your boyfriend.

[Matt Atchity]

Still, something healthy and disinterest is much more painful than that.

[Gina Grad]

You're burning a lot of calories when you yell at somebody.

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost a way. In a weird way, in this town, I think you would rather have George Clooney go bald. Bryan guy's a douchebag. Than who. Who just means you've never been born. Who just you don't exist. And what could be worse? At least an insult is directed at a and so for me, I never do the anything because that would validate your existence.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, the I don't know who that is is the. It's possibly the most damning. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Gina Grad]

That guy is insignificant.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, think about when somebody's on the Internet and someone goes, for me, I mean it. But they do. The so and so is talking shit about you on the Internet or whatever, and they got their own podcast or the cable, whatever. And I just go, I don't know who that is. And they go, he's a Comedian, you know, and he, blah, blah, blah. And you go, I never heard that name. And I do comedy. Like, that's what. That's so much better than a, oh, I'll settle his hash.

[Bald Brian]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the ultimate, ultimate fucking settling of the hash. You don't know the human being's name. All right, Matt is here. Let's see. Ah, stamps dot com. Gina grad. Threw a cell phone into a swimming pool and then dove into after it.

[Gina Grad]

But yes, I dove in after. Fully clothed, full makeup, full hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Full makeup, full hair. I would like to hear. I would like to hear that in one second for stamps.com. small companies, you're out there, you're leasing your postage meter. Not a good idea. There's a better way. There's stamps.com. no hidden fees, no long term contracts, no hardware to buy or lease. It is stamps.com save up to 80% versus the postage meter. And what you get is you get a $110 bonus offer. No risk. You get the little digital scale plugs right into your computer. And then you get 55 bucks free postage. You can print out the postage from your printer. Just tape it if you want. Just tape it right on the envelope there. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click microphone, top of the homepage. Type In Adam, that's stamps.com. enter AdamStamps.com. gina Grant. What you got?

[Gina Grad]

Well, I was 30 minutes before my cousin's wedding. I got. I decided to get dressed before the hotel just so I wouldn't have to screw around there. So I did the hair. I was all done the makeup, and I figured I'd throw the dress on right before. And it is hot in Westlake Village. It is scorching in Westlake Village.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. Westlake Village is considerably hotter even than the Valley, I think it is.

[Gina Grad]

It was very, very, very hot. And I figured, you know What? We have 45 minutes to sit here. This was Saturday. The Saturday just passed. You know what? I'm gonna kick my shoes off, go talk to a couple people. I see cousins that I haven't seen since I was 12. They're playing music, they're having a hootenanny. There's other people. There's tons of people. I don't know. And I'm just dangling my feet in the water, happy as a little clam, talking to everybody. Then a group of drunk sorority girls sort of paddle up to me with the champagne and go, can you take our picture? We just haven't seen each other in so long.

[Adam Carolla]

Where were they from?

[Gina Grad]

I don't know. They seemed like SoCal chicks. Maybe they were there for a wedding. You know, they were there for some event that something brought them together. And they're, you know, little bikinis in the fedoras. So she swims up to me, and I go, absolutely. I take the phone, I flip it around to take their picture, and it just falls out of my hands and just dunks right into the water in slow. I literally felt like. And there was nothing I could do. I see it just kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

It's doing that move.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And they look at me, and they're kind of drunk, so they're not moving very fast, and I don't know what to do. And I immediately thought of your story of the man that almost broke his tailbone trying to give you your phone. And I thought, if I show a little effort right now, then I won't have to give anyone $600. I jump in in full regalia, dive in like an Olympian swimmer.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're wearing a wedding. I mean, I'm wearing bridesmaids or whatever. Yep.

[Gina Grad]

Hair, makeup, everything's ready. Dive into the water, to the bottom of the pool. Grab the phone, come out like Ariel. I'm like, I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

I got it. I'm so sorry. I got it.

[Gina Grad]

I got it. Everyone stops. There's probably 80 people at this pool. They're staring at me. I'm wheezing. I'm apologizing. And the girl looks at me, and she goes, oh, honey, don't worry about it. It's fine. Grabs it back, and Arthur in the pool. I look like a drowned rat. My family is mortified. I don't know what to do. I am so humiliated. And I go, well, guess I should go back to the hotel and get my swimsuit, because I can't not show back up. You know? Like, I have to, you know, save face. What do I care? This happens to people all the time. So I go in, get my swimsuit, swim around in the pool like an asshole, and then go.

[Adam Carolla]

But the chick had no. She said.

[Gina Grad]

I said, if someone did that to me, I'd be very upset. She goes, well, now you'll know. For next time, don't judge people. I was so worried.

[Adam Carolla]

She was definitely not the one behind me when I merged on a fucking 5 freeway today.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. But her phone was destroyed. But I thought, if I don't do something in this moment, then at least I'll show that I tried and I sacrificed the whole wedding.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, I think the. For me, I like that strategy because if I wouldn't. If I ask somebody to do something and then they fuck it up, that's always on me. If I ask somebody, can you take. Can you do this? And then they drop it. That's me. Because I started. I'm a very strong proponent of chain

[Gina Grad]

of events in the Genesis.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. And in that specific scenario, you introduced the phone into the pool environment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. But if I was gonna be the kind of person that would be cunty about it, like the cunt that was behind me on the five, the diving in and ruining your hair and makeup and dress would show enough effort to really. Yeah, you know, it'd be one of those. It'd be one of those things where. Like in the movies, man, when the guy talks, when the wise young kid gets in the grill of the mafia kingpin guy and at a certain point he's like, listen, son, you got stones. You got stones. Yeah. You know, you remind me of me.

[Matt Atchity]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

What version of me? Older, same age or younger?

[Matt Atchity]

I was like you when I was a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You go, I want to flip. I want to mix it up every once in a while and just go. You remind me a lot of me in the future.

[Bald Brian]

Just a future like five minutes from now. Or like an old man.

[Adam Carolla]

Five minutes could be 500 years.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, listen, kid reanimated. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Now go get your shine box. Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

Remind me of an old dead Billy Bats.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So you showed a lot of moxie, kid.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

And I respect that.

[Gina Grad]

I appreciate it. I came back later in in some sweats and they're still in the pool getting faced and they couldn't sweeter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like chicks and pools and phones and things in general, like people. The problem with booze. I think the problem with booze versus pot. When people are stoned, they're aware they're stoned and sort of act accordingly. Drive accordingly, handle durable goods by the phone. They do things accordingly. Drunk, constantly trying to drink. Right. But you've lost some hand. Eye coordination. You're slurring a little. You shouldn't have that. You should not have that phone anywhere near the pool when you're drunk. And if you're stoned, thing would be tied in a hefty.

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[Adam Carolla]

Bag and taped to a mop handle and planted on the lawn 100 yards away.

[Matt Atchity]

I think the difference is you hear people all the time say, oh, I'm not drunk. No, I'm not drunk, I'm fine. Whereas people who are stoned are like,

[Gina Grad]

dude, I'm so stoned, I gotta tell you something.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's always. Yeah, that I wish we always used to laugh about it because I'll tell you how it works. You ask me if I'm drunk and then later ask me if I'm stoned and I'll give you the two responses.

[Matt Atchity]

Adam, are you drunk right now?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean, I had a beer or like two, but I'm not drunk drunk. I mean, I'm. I'm a big dude, okay? I play ball, okay? I had like, like three or seven beers or something, but I'm fine. I mean that's over the course of like, you know, 20, 40 minutes or something. So like I got a. Yeah, buzzed. I mean, I could feel, you know, But I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk drunk. I'm not like ray drunk. I'm just, you know, I had a beer, that's all.

[Matt Atchity]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. Okay, now I scream from stone.

[Matt Atchity]

Adam, are you stoned right now?

[Adam Carolla]

That's all. You just get to laugh. That's all you get is to laugh. They don't say no, they don't say yes. They just laugh. You just get the weird coverty laugh. That's the drunken stone. All right, let's see, a couple of phone calls here. We got the game to play. Oh man, let's see, so many questions. Marissa, 31 from Richmond, Virginia. Marissa.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, hi. It's actually Richmond, California.

[Gina Grad]

Where's that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know where that is.

[Bald Brian]

Dawson.

[Adam Carolla]

He's from Woodchit. Yeah, Richmond is in North Bay. I don't know. All right, Kaylin, tell us where the. Give the state or something.

[Caller/Guest]

You know, it's over the bridge from San Francisco.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I know, but there's a few Rochesters and places like that. You know, it's just helpful to put the state.

[Bald Brian]

It's not the Richmond.

[Gina Grad]

Hollywood, Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a lot of that.

[Bald Brian]

Paris, Texas.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, what else we got? Go ahead, Marissa.

[Bald Brian]

Caleb, you stoned?

[Caller/Guest]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

So I'm a huge fan of your podcast and I understand you have very strong feelings for runaway fathers and I don't have a runaway father. I have a runaway mother. And I was curious to know if your advice applies on, you know, both. Either parent, if, you know, one goes away, then, you know, they're gone. And the reason why I'm asking is I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure. She was trying to reconcile with me, and I was not open to that because of the way things happen. She was gone for 12 years, and the only way I was able to functionally deal with that was just to assume she didn't exist. And then when she came back and wanted to reconcile with me, I wasn't open to that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, here's an interesting point.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Runaway dads are a dime a dozen. In a weird way, it's more in our DNA and more in our natural just behavior to run away than it is to stay and pay. Pays you more. But really, just staying and paying is kind of against what we're wired for. So when the guys run away, as much as I frown upon that from a societal standpoint, it's in a lot of guys DNA and it's maybe in every guy's DNA, but there's something called maturity. And when you're mature, you own up to your responsibilities. And that's what we would like out of these guys. When a woman abandons a child, she's broken.

[Bald Brian]

It's weirdly against. She's.

[Adam Carolla]

You're going again, against nature in a huge way. I mean, if you took my wife and told her she had to lay off these two, Sonny, Natalia for a week, she'd be miserable. If you said six months, she wouldn't do it. And if you put her in a prison, she would literally dig her way out to get to these kids. When a mom is able to do it, when a woman is able to look at her son or daughter and just go, yeah, I'm all right. For a little over a decade in between seeing you, that woman is horribly broken. And in a huge way. And now you have to say what broke her. And now you perhaps need to feel some empathy for her, because I guarantee something happened to her along the way.

[Bald Brian]

The only person I've ever known, the only woman I ever know whose mom was a runaway mom, was Theresa Strasser. Her mom was sort of absent for many years, and she turned up, man. Okay, but she had a great. She had a great.

[Gina Grad]

Turned out amazing.

[Bald Brian]

Her dad was so incredibly, you know, nurturing and supportive, and I think that had a lot to do with it. So I don't Know your dad situation

[Gina Grad]

is like, Marissa, Marissa, are you surprised that Adam gave that advice to, to maybe have some empathy?

[Caller/Guest]

No, I'm not surprised. But that's why I asked his opinion,

[Adam Carolla]

because I'd like to know, I'd like to know some of her history.

[Caller/Guest]

So the history. So my father passed away from cancer two years ago, so he's not in the picture. But I can understand how he could have contributed to breaking my mother because he was a compulsive hoarder and an alcoholic. And I. What from what I understand was the hoarding is what drove her away. But for me, growing up in that environment, I didn't understand there was anything wrong. Does that make any sense?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, compulsive hoarding and alcoholism is a horrible one, two punch because I get drunk and I do that. Where did I put my keys? But I don't have 1700 sports pages piled up in the corner. I mean, couples of hoarding and having shit all over your house. Gotta lead in a lot of wear my sunglasses when you got a buzz going. Well, I'm looking for from Marissa. Your mother was attracted to a guy who's an alcoholic and a hoarder.

[Caller/Guest]

What helped put it into perspective. My dad and I were actually on the TV show Hoarders and there was a failed attempt at cleaning up the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Wow.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

How he was featured in episode.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian's laughing. Because when I said to my mom once, how's your friend Merlene doing? She's doing great. She was just featured an episode of Hoarders. She said it like she'd been made partner at the firm. Except for featured in an episode of Hoarders. These are my mom's celebrity friends. These are my mom. I've literally said to my mom about our old neighbors. How are they doing? Two girls, the daughters, the two twin daughters. She said, well, one of them's in jail and then said the other one's not doing very well. We're worried for her. So quite a bit worse off than the one that's incarcerated. These are blonde 21 year old girls, twins. This is who my mom chooses to chill with and is confused why I don't want to hang.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you think you got it rough, Marissa.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So your mom was attracted to. To this person, which means her dad was probably an alcoholic, which means maybe her dad did some horrible things to her, which meant she was broken inside, much like the cunt that was behind me on the 5 Freeway today. And that's why I have empathy for her and her and you and them. Could that be possible?

[Caller/Guest]

It's possible. I think it's just going to take time for me because of the way that I understand. Literally just took off one day and I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but how did your mom grow up?

[Caller/Guest]

She never talked about it with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Not usually. Grandparents now. There you go. Well, why don't you know your grandparents?

[Caller/Guest]

I was told that they were upset that because she's from Japan, that because she didn't marry someone who is Japanese, they disown her and all of us.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so she was disowned.

[Naomi Grossman]

She.

[Adam Carolla]

She was disowned and she disowned you, basically.

[Caller/Guest]

That's. And. And I thought, you know, maybe, you know, one contributed to the other, which is why I was so shocked when she wanted to reconcile. Because I, like, like I was saying earlier, the only way I was able to functionally deal with her being gone was to just separate myself from this person and kind of move forward.

[Adam Carolla]

So she's Japanese.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah,

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I had. I wish. You know what? I wish my mom was Japanese, because that'd be like, man, you really did a piss poor job raising me. Feel like killing yourself?

[Bald Brian]

You prompt the Hari Karma.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, pride's pretty hurt about it.

[Bald Brian]

Did bring great dishonor to your family.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a lot of dishonor to me. You know, that school lunch program is very shameful. Very shameful. So there's like some sort of ceremonial robe or something. You want me to set out?

[Bald Brian]

Or when I bounce ranchers, I'm bound down pretty low.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you like what?

[Gina Grad]

Do you prefer the naginta or the katana to take care of the job?

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, somebody was a theater major.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think if you have a Japanese parent, you might be able to shame them just enough. Would you like to use the bell tower? You know what I mean?

[Bald Brian]

Good luck, Marisa.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, thank you.

[Caller/Guest]

I appreciate that.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell her. Tell her you got a D minus on your trig final and see if she falls on that knife.

[Bald Brian]

You haven't been to piano practice in weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Marissa, I think what you should do.

[Bald Brian]

Cello recital would very.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, please, this is offensive. Now what I think you should do is get. Be very selfish like she was selfish. Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And then get what you want out of this relationship or lack thereof. So she was selfish. She didn't see you for 12 years. Now you think, all right, I'm going to be selfish. If it would make me feel better to forgive you and reconcile, then that's what I shall do. If it would make me feel better to never see you again, and I truly mean that, then that's what I shall do. So just use it. Use it or don't use it. Whatever makes you feel better. I would assume that forgiving her would take some burden off of you and make you feel better. All right, some quick questions. We got the Rotten Tomatoes game. Let's see. Let's just blow through these and then we'll jump on some Rotten Tomatoes. I love that game. Ryan 28, Phoenix.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey. Saw Roadhard. Loved it. Bought shrinkage and loved it as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Ball.

[Caller/Guest]

Brian.com. put the banner.

[Matt Atchity]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, man.

[Caller/Guest]

I was curious. So while you were on your road hard tour, there was the video came out with a bunch of fried guys on a bus making the racist chant with a bunch of N words. And since then.

[Adam Carolla]

So there are black folks with them. Oh, the chant had. Okay, I got you now. I got you.

[Caller/Guest]

And they. Since then, a couple of the students have been expelled from the University of Oklahoma and they filed a lawsuit saying, hey, this is a, you know, this

[Adam Carolla]

is a public university.

[Caller/Guest]

This is a government. They can't expel us for free speech. So I just wanted to sort of hear your take on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I didn't really catch too big a wind of that, all that mess, because when you're traveling, man, you really don't realize how far out I get. I don't use a computer when I travel. I have my phone, which was broken for a few days. I'm literally out at 7:30 in the morning. I come back at 12:30 drunk, and then just sort of pass out and start again. And I get completely lost. I'm done with the PC police. People should be shamed. They should sort of live with their own actions. But I don't need the government sort of policing everybody that way. In general, you know, what I would like is I don't know them. I always feel by the time it gets to us, by the time we hear about it, they've been punished in my mind because it's been all over YouTube because it started evening news and whatever it is, that guy or those guys will have some scarlet letter on them for some period of time.

[Bald Brian]

Possibly the rest. I mean, they're going to possibly the rest of their lives because they're going to have a very, very, very difficult life. Just if you have someone goes to

[Gina Grad]

Google them for a date or our

[Bald Brian]

job interview or anything, apartment to rent.

[Adam Carolla]

The way the Internet works, all their names get thrown out on some website and then shared and then shared again and tweeted out and whatever. And then they. So the mere fact that we're aware of it means they've been punished quite a bit for what they did and probably will continue to be as, look, the guys on the Duke lacrosse team. I'll bet you some of those guys will get punished just because the way history works, you don't remember the part where it turns out they didn't do what we thought they did. I mean, if you asked me five years from now, I'd be those guys who raped the chicken, right? So that's usually punishment enough for me. I like society to kind of police itself. I always say this. Look, if you open a bar and you do a bar, and it's like a whites only bar, I don't want the city to close you down. I want you to be closed down because folks don't patronize your bar. So that's my story, and I usually stick to it.

[Gina Grad]

But what about colleges who say, well, we have a specific code of conduct. We have a code of ethics. They violated it, they can't stay. So the government aspect is almost a loophole because the school is saying, this is just not reflective of what we're doing.

[Matt Atchity]

I mean, would it be different if it was a private university?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess when you're going to a private school, you're allowed to do, you know, make the rules you want to make. But in general. Well, here's what I also feel. I always feel like the expulsion is only because everyone is aware of it and they need you to do something about it because everyone is looking at you.

[Bald Brian]

Feels like grandstanding.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not piling. Not grandstanding in a traditional way. Which is. I guess what I'm saying is it's sort of like if you're standing next to someone and their dog takes a dump on someone else's lawn and there's nobody around you, then you just kind of go, all right, we can move on here. But if there's a whole bunch of people looking at you, you go, hey, man, you got to pick that up. You know, you got to take care of that. That's not right. Because you're feeling the eyes burning on the back of your neck. And once something gets this big, the university's compelled to do something. They have to do something. Because my feeling is always this, because I see the human as half empty. I always feel like, look, and I know it. Whether it's a Program director on a radio station or what have you. I've never had a program director demand I apologize for anything that somebody didn't tell them that I need to apologize for. It's not like your program director or the dean or whoever in a vacuum. Like, this thing never got out. He's the only guy who's got eyeballs on it. You know, look at the NFL and Ray Rice when they have the. If just the dean of that school, the exact. Let's just say the same person that expelled them, if he knew. If you got that guy drunk and. Or high and said to him, you're the only person that will see this. You have the only copy of this thing. And he'd just go, just tell him to knock it off.

[Gina Grad]

There'd be no reason to. Damage control.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't do it again.

[Matt Atchity]

But I think there's a case to be made in. In this day and age, with the ubiquity of devices and knowing that everybody's got the potential to record something that if you're dumb enough like these kids to say something like that. And you can't tell me that that's the first time those guys had said that song. Of course not. Like, they were there with the lyrics sheet, right? Like, they knew that song. They'd sung that before. And if they were dumb enough to do it in front of a camera, like, how many times have they done that before?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they've done it. Done it for 100 years.

[Matt Atchity]

And if they've done it and it embarrasses the school, the school kind of has to do something, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I'm saying. It embarrasses school, and the school kind of has to do something. So we're on the same page. If it wasn't filmed. Look, same way with Ray Rice in the NFL. I don't think any. Well, I think we know the answer to that. They weren't going to do anything.

[Matt Atchity]

Right. They heard about it before that. Before that video broke.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't even. I don't again. I've never had a program director tell me to apologize because I said, you know what, Adam? I was driving home listening to Loveline the other day, and you said something that was very offensive to the Asian American community. Nobody's written me a letter, but I demand that it's. I don't know that it ever exists.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I can't imagine.

[Adam Carolla]

So whatever it is, apology, expulsion, it's not sincere. At least it's done. But it's just done because of Public pressure anyway. Hopefully, well, not hopefully, those guys lives will be adversely affected from this for a period of time. There's no doubt about it. And also, let's not ever underestimate how fucking dumb 19 year old males are. I mean the shit I would do when I was 19, you know, there's

[Bald Brian]

the songs you would sing with friends.

[Matt Atchity]

Thank God people didn't have cameras when you were a teenager.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I mean all you had to do is fucking point up at a three story roof and dare me to get naked and jump off that condo and see if I could make it to the neighboring pool. You know, that wasn't even in the same condominium. He had to clear the fence. It's like I was fucking. It was on.

[Bald Brian]

Where are you going?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's what we do. We just do dumb stuff all the fucking time. That's part of being a 19 year old dude.

[Gina Grad]

And you don't even have role models at that point because we actually showed the video when. When Jim O' Hare was sitting in and there was a 70 year old house mother that was singing right along with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really?

[Naomi Grossman]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she's setting her way. All right, let's see. Eric. Toronto. Holy shit. Get it on. Yeah man, get it on. Hey, when's roadheart coming up north?

[Caller/Guest]

We're dying to see it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Roadheart is coming out in Canada and I think they told me when but I can't remember. Like April 20th, something or something like that. As memory serves, it seems like it was a month behind our Los Angeles or sorry, United States.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I mean Gary's looking to check, but I remember discussion about. I think it was about a month. It was about a month off of when it was released out here. I don't know, about three weeks. Two, three weeks. That's as I recall. But I got this Newman documentary coming out so I got a bunch of dates in my head and I'm not sure when and what. Yes, we can confirm itunes Canada on April 10th. We're not positive about the other outlets, but iTunes. April 10th. All right, there you go, Eric. Thank you, man.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, just.

[Adam Carolla]

I obviously never wanted to happen, but

[Caller/Guest]

I was curious, since you worked so hard, do you ever have thoughts or plans on retiring or maybe even just slowing down your crazy schedule at any point?

[Adam Carolla]

I keep thinking about it and not retiring, but I am. I mean I just finished Catch Contractor today and then we're off for a couple of weeks and I have to go to Vegas for the day and we're Doing a road hard screening. And I get to. I get to be around and like not be traveling and just have like three jobs for the next couple of weeks. And I'm fucking. I'm savoring. I'm just salivating, salivating and savoring those moments in advance. I'm like, I'm so excited. I'm looking at this weekend. All I have to do is go to Vegas, do a showing, do an after screen, do a Q and A, take some people out to drinks and come back. And I'm looking at this weekend as wide open and work Sunday night. But I'm looking at this. I'm looking at this weekend. It's like I'm knowing I have to work this weekend. So, yeah, looking, Looking forward to it and retiring. I don't. I don't think so. I do miss. I'm not making a lot of my vintage races. And it's something I'm missing. Tim.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Fast. We gotta play the game.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay, quick question. Do you know who the drummer Buddy Rich is?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. Greatest drummer of all time. Arguably. Anyway, I stumbled across an interview.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I. Yeah, I hear that. But to be honest, I'm not good enough. Anything to say? Oh, that guy's drumming is better than that guy's drumming. I'll just take everyone's word for it. Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

Right. But what I'm trying. This is an interview with him where he's speaking about certain things. About, like censorship in society and how the music industry is geared towards the youth. And the highway patrol hands out chicken shit tickets and all that kind of stuff. And I swear to God, it was like I was sitting there listening to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's a.

[Matt Atchity]

There's.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a more apt connection between me and Buddy Rich, which is him yelling at everyone in his tour bus. Yeah, right. It's much. You can find that, Gary.

[Bald Brian]

So you're saying you stole your whole act from Buddy Rich?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I'm saying there's a great. I think it's Buddy Rich.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, it's a series of tapes.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a great tape of Buddy Rich just telling everyone they played like shit tonight and they better get their shit

[Matt Atchity]

together, come over there and eat your lunch for you.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's fucking awesome. And I like to think that that's the Buddy Rich I most resemble. Gary will find out. Not the gifted drummer, not the gifted musician. Dollar Shave Club. Love these guys. Buddy, you don't have to be Rich for dollar Shaves. Wow, that's a good one, H. Mac.

[Matt Atchity]

That's A hell of a segue.

[Adam Carolla]

Go tell my son I made it. Funny. Yeah, razors, they're expensive. But not anymore. You got dollarshaveclub.com. let's not waste time, let's not waste money. Never have to worry about razors again. I use them. You should use them. They give you the handle and then they send you the replacement blades every month or every other month. Upgrade. It is smart. It is a smarter way to shave. By the way, they have a bunch of grooming products. They got some real good stuff over there. So what do you do? Go to dollarshaveclub.com Adam. That's dollarshaveclub.com Adam. All right, let's just listen to Buddy for one second on the tour vault. Thanks, guy. What do you think this is anyhow? What kind of plane do you think this is? What kind of miscutive you call this? What fucking band do you think you're playing on, motherfuckers? You want to fuck with me on a bad stand? Shut that fucking door. I'm out there working my balls off trying to do somebody a favor and you motherfuckers are sucking all over this joint. What kind of trumpet session do you call it Tonight at Saxophones? You gotta fucking be kidding me. I dare you. Call yourselves professional. Are playing like children out there. You got your. Where the are you? You won't be heard. Everybody can hear your clams out there. You don't need a mic for that. You taking up too much time. Blowing. What? You stand out here all night trying to blow your brains out. When it comes time to play. What do you play?

[Caller/Guest]

Clams?

[Adam Carolla]

You got nowhere to go to next. Because if I hear what, One clap of anybody. You had it. One clap and this whole band is through tonight. Try me anyway.

[Caller/Guest]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the Buddy Rich I like to think I modeled myself after.

[Bald Brian]

Jerry accidentally played the post show meeting.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Should we do a Little Rotten Tomatoes with Matt Aty? We. Here's the guy with the fresh and rotten movie game. Now it's time. I really hope it isn't lame. Please, let's go. I totally can't hit this note. I can't force it it all anymore. Anymore. It hurts my balls. Hurts my balls. Archie he names the flicks and the gang makes flicks mad archety he's a schwabig guy and when he drops by the king has to guess do the critics scores they get rotten or fresh? I by the way, realized road hard thinks sitting at 50% on Rotten Tomatoes. I think it's. I think it's over for me and the critics because I just realized it's half full.

[Matt Atchity]

Half the critics like it.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy. Well, here's the point. I'm the guy who said women weren't funny. So what kind of review we got to get out of the Village Voice? That's one review.

[Matt Atchity]

You've only got 18 reviews.

[Adam Carolla]

So far, I've noticed a sizable difference from the last time I did a movie when I wasn't on O'Reilly to now. There's a big difference. And then when you direct, there's a big difference.

[Matt Atchity]

I will tell you, having read through all these reviews, there are only three negative ones that mention anything about your political stance.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they're not going to mention it.

[Matt Atchity]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not saying they're the. The group is to the left.

[Matt Atchity]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you agree?

[Matt Atchity]

I don't think it has anything to do with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Anything.

[Matt Atchity]

I think it has less than you think.

[Adam Carolla]

So if Dinesh d' Souza does a movie talking about how great America is,

[Matt Atchity]

possibly because Dinesh movie is not that good.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, not that good. That good will get you. Impossible. That'll get you 16%. I mean, couldn't possibly. It doesn't get you a zero.

[Matt Atchity]

Okay. But Dinesh D' Souza's movie sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it wasn't bad for what it was. I mean, it was just. It wasn't a good movie, but it was like talking about how great the United States was. It wasn't supposed to be that good, but. I know, but that'll get you. That'll get you 13%.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, maybe you start with one strike. Okay, start with a strike.

[Adam Carolla]

I made two movies that were the same movie, and one's at 50%, one's at 80%. I'm just saying that's what changed.

[Matt Atchity]

And some of the reviews are saying that they like the Hammer better.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

And they feel like this is too close to the Hammer. Look, on a certain level, like a lot of the reviews that are right on the line, that we've marked negative because we've checked with everybody. I get the sense that people think that you are capable of doing better than they thought you did in this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

I don't think anyone's there. There's maybe the Village Voice review, but I don't feel like many of these reviews are writing you off as a person and a performer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm not all of them, but there's a larger percentage than there were a number of years ago.

[Matt Atchity]

Right. But it's only 18 reviews so far.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, only 18.

[Matt Atchity]

I mean, you got up to. You've got twice as many reviews for the Hammer.

[Bald Brian]

Well, it gets to Canada, right?

[Matt Atchity]

Exactly. Blow it out of the water.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not. You know, listen, I don't want it to be sour grapes or sour tomatoes. I'm just saying I think that that sitting next to O'Reilly does not help you in the critics department. When you look at the folks that are doing the critical reviewing, not that they mention political affiliations or anything in the review themselves, they're just not fans. I'm the guy, remember, who said women weren't funny.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, but if Roper says that he likes you, does that mean that discounts that review as well?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's a genius.

[Matt Atchity]

Just so we're clear.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know the fans have been cool. They have it at 85 or whatever they have it at. Happy with that. I'm just saying nothing has really changed that much. But I got put into a category that is not a good category. I don't think I'm getting into Sundance with anything. I think you could argue that the Hammer and Road Hard or the Paul Newman doc were as good as many things that get into Sundance, but it's not. That's not part. I'm not part of that arena.

[Matt Atchity]

So why does Eastwood get a pass?

[Adam Carolla]

Eastwood doesn't really get a pass.

[Matt Atchity]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I don't think, you know, I think American Sniper should have probably been a better reviewed. You know, it's. I don't know, in the low 70s.

[Matt Atchity]

I think that's 75% certified.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's more of an 80 to 90 movie. I think they did. I don't say that you get thrown out with the bathwater. I say you get a percentage. I say American Sniper versus Birdman or something like that, where it might be in the 90s or versus. There's many examples. Skeleton Twins or something like that. That's much more friendly to what that group is. I don't think American snipers should be 18 points or 20 points below the Skeleton Twins or a movie of that ilk, American Sniper.

[Gina Grad]

And correct me if I'm wrong, Matt, didn't that just absolutely blow all the other movies out of the water in terms of box office revenue? I mean, that was like people were going to see American Sniper.

[Matt Atchity]

Yes, they were.

[Bald Brian]

That was a surprise hit, though. I mean, the level to which it was. It was reviewed obviously, before it set all those records.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I think. No, I think Clint Takes a little bit. I think American Sniper is better than the mid-70s.

[Matt Atchity]

I guess my point is, you know, Clint does his bit at the national convention, and that movie focuses on Chris Kyle, who is not a popular figure in liberal circles. And that movie still resonated with three quarters of the critics out there. So it is. So I understand your point, but I think it's somewhat disingenuous to say critics can't get past their political beliefs with the movie's good enough.

[Adam Carolla]

No, what it is, is it's a pursu. If there's 10 people that disagree with you politically or aren't fans or don't like some of the things they think you've said in the past or disagree with you. Seven of them or six and a half of them will just put all that aside and give you a. Whatever. It's hard if you don't. You're not a fan of somebody. Just like it works both ways. It's hard if you're not a fan of anyone in any direction to just put all that aside. Or if you are and then just. Just do it. But there's a percentage, maybe three and a half. You know, three of those people or four of those people might let it bleed into.

[Matt Atchity]

All of the negative reviews are very specific about the film itself and their. And their. I know it's about that. I know don't have anything to do with who you are.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they're not. They're not gonna say, Adam's a right wing douchebag who said women weren't funny. Thus I'm gonna give you a shitty review. So you just get jokes that land with a thud and tired old and a lot of that. And it's like you can tell they weren't. They may have not liked some of the things I've said in the past. But listen, I tried to get the hammer into Sundance and the guy said he wasn't a fan. I mean, he literally just said, I'm not a fan. I don't like. I'm not a fan of that guy. I don't like that guy. So it exists. It exists both ways. But I don't expect them to talk specifically about political issues. I just think not fans.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and that'll also discount their review if they say, oh, and by the

[Adam Carolla]

way, then I don't think they'd be that naive. Cause it makes them look like they're doing it. All right. Matt's rolling his eyes. I'm not saying all of them. I'm saying a percentage.

[Matt Atchity]

Do I need to take my trophy back.

[Adam Carolla]

I get. I still get my. I still. I earn that one. Okay, let's play some games.

[Matt Atchity]

All right. So they were right on the hammer.

[Bald Brian]

I don't have a pen.

[Adam Carolla]

The hammer was pre me. O'Reilly. Listen, that. I didn't. I didn't. I had not made the perceived statement that women were not funny when I did the hammer. I didn't direct the hammer. I'll make you direct the hammer. Directing's a law. Make you a bet.

[Bald Brian]

The hammer, 82.

[Matt Atchity]

I'll make you a bet. If you're at 50% and we're seeing these same types of reviews around the Newman doc, then I will admit that you are right with what you're saying. But if the Newman doc does well

[Adam Carolla]

in the critic, with the critics. Well, you predicted this one at 70, right? All right, what do you. What's your prediction for the Newman doc?

[Matt Atchity]

I think the Newman doc should be a lot higher.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it stars Newman, but if it's me, if Jules Dash directed that bad boy, it would be 10%, 10 points higher. That's what I'm saying.

[Matt Atchity]

I just think if. If Newman doc does better.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Newman doc will do better because I'm not in it. It'll. It'll do better.

[Matt Atchity]

Your name's still in the movie. You're still the director.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's in. That'll slow. That'll hurt it a bit, but it's not gonna do as bad as me being the star. Let's look at the review and whatever. I agree with you. That will do better.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's play. But I'm not gonna use that as a yardstick to measure this.

[Matt Atchity]

I was tempted to put together a list of movies that were all at

[Adam Carolla]

50% today, but no, I'm not. I understand it. That's where it's a cultural thing.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, so I put together a list because he was in a movie last week, and somebody. Twitter handle by David McCollum suggested this Ed Harris movies. And I want to give a shout out to Hilter user Hilti Diggs. Hilti Diggs, who puts together that great list of past movies that we've used, because that was very helpful today. First up, 1989 James Cameron film starring also Kalin's old man.

[Bald Brian]

Fuck yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

The Abyss.

[Adam Carolla]

Geez. It's one of these movies you hear a ton about. It's all groundbreaking and everything, but I've never really, I think, seen the entire thing. And I can't figure out if it's groundbreaking special effects Or a really good movie? No. All right. No.

[Bald Brian]

Groundbreaking special effects and in my opinion, a little underrated, but not good.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. In which case, I'm going. Or is it all right, I'm just going to put it my movie, 50%.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I have learned my lesson by being way too optimistic. So it completely cynical today. I'm going 39.

[Bald Brian]

I may have a way, way, way too. I said 70.

[Matt Atchity]

89,

[Adam Carolla]

Brian. My shit up.

[Bald Brian]

You said 70.

[Adam Carolla]

What are the times?

[Matt Atchity]

That was an excellent pump fake.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, that's a spin movie. I fucking bit. I bit on that.

[Matt Atchity]

You really juked everybody on that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I had no idea they love this movie so much, Hakeem Shaykh. All right, there we go.

[Matt Atchity]

Next film is Ed Harris in a David Mamet adaptation starring your buddy Alec Baldwin in a legendary opening scene written specifically for that movie. The movie is Glengarry Glen Ross.

[Bald Brian]

What is this?

[Gina Grad]

Favorite movie.

[Adam Carolla]

They gotta love this.

[Matt Atchity]

Always be closing.

[Gina Grad]

Coffee's for closers.

[Adam Carolla]

92%.

[Bald Brian]

I wrote 96.

[Gina Grad]

I was gonna go 96 too. Can we both do 96?

[Matt Atchity]

Sure, whatever your number is 94.

[Adam Carolla]

Right in there.

[Gina Grad]

It's a beloved movie. Everybody's in it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here we go.

[Matt Atchity]

All right. The next movie was going to be the Rock, but somebody came in and mentioned the score, so I had to change it. So the next movie is World War II movie set during the battle of Stalingrad. And Ed Harris plays a German sniper. The movie is Enemy at the Gates.

[Adam Carolla]

Never saw the whole thing. Didn't hear spectacular things about it, but didn't hear anything bad about it either.

[Bald Brian]

It's a decent movie.

[Gina Grad]

Was this a book adaptation?

[Bald Brian]

Believe it was.

[Matt Atchity]

I think it was Jude Law, Rachel Rice. I think that's gonna help Joseph.

[Adam Carolla]

Excuse me.

[Bald Brian]

You're right. Joseph finds.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, 71%.

[Bald Brian]

I said 72.

[Gina Grad]

I'm going 80.

[Matt Atchity]

54.

[Naomi Grossman]

Damn it.

[Matt Atchity]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

Shit.

[Bald Brian]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Honestly, the audience has it. 83.

[Bald Brian]

That's not a bad movie.

[Matt Atchity]

See, you're only four points off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, they were shooting people.

[Bald Brian]

I saw this once, 2001. And there's still scenes that stick with me from this movie. There's some stuff that.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, the scenes where, like, the Russian army has to. Like, if somebody gets shot, somebody else has to pick up the gun because they have more soldiers than guns.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. You see the scene where the heat. Joseph. Joseph finds hides himself in a pile of dead bodies. And the Germans that come by just spray the pile with bullets, but they miss him, just coincidentally. And it's just. It's a riveting scene.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, again, yeah, the people like it, but the critics, not so much.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, next up, Ed Harris plays the bad guy in a sequel starring Nicolas Cage where. I think this was the one where he kidnapped the president. National Treasure Book of Secrets.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, this is a movie that I'm sure got slaughtered, but as I always say, it delivered exactly what the poster promised. Which is fine with me, because there's room in life for cheeseburgers and steak. There's surf and turf. But then, hey, if you want a fucking churro, chicken tacos, Chicken tacos or corn dog, fine, as long as you know what you're getting into. I thought these movies. These movies were fun. I don't call them great movies. Just call them. They were what? They delivered what they said they would. But the critics are gonna have to hate it. So I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say 33%.

[Bald Brian]

I thought that same number, but then I thought, for some reason, my mind was well reviewed, like a guilty pleasure kind of way. So I hedged my bet and said 50.

[Gina Grad]

I only remember people making fun of this movie. So I'm going 25.

[Matt Atchity]

35.

[Adam Carolla]

Could have got me back in the hunt. Yeah, this movie was fun.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, all right. Final film. This is a movie that stars Ed Harris, and he directed it. The story of the painter, the groundbreaking modern art painter, Jackson Pollock. The movie is Pollock.

[Gina Grad]

That was a great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I was not gonna start on that movie because I knew I'd never. I just wasn't gonna finish it.

[Gina Grad]

I loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

You loved it.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know if that's gonna help. Trust me, I've already knocked out from the abyss.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna like this. He was good in it. There's some nominations.

[Matt Atchity]

Marcia Gay Harden's also in this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. It's crunch time because me and we could be nodded. We could all be pretty close, too. All right. Shit. Critics love this kind of shit. I haven't heard that much great stuff about it. I'm gonna say 82%, 88%.

[Gina Grad]

85%.

[Matt Atchity]

81.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Could have done it. See, the audience had this one lower, but this is. This is more. More the vibe.

[Bald Brian]

All right, last one.

[Matt Atchity]

This is a solid movie. Yeah, that was number five.

[Adam Carolla]

Never saw it. Let's see what the score is.

[Matt Atchity]

We have a tie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. We have a tie.

[Bald Brian]

Here's why. That's hilarious. The tiebreaker was the. The one that was given away, and right before the show, Carrie was like, what are the chances? We're gonna need the tiebreaker. We've never needed it before.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, what number is Matt picking up?

[Matt Atchity]

I do have a tiebreaker. We do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we don't know who the ties. Who's the tiebreaker?

[Gina Grad]

I'm sure it's Adam and Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam and Brian are nodded at 61. All right, what am I Just so

[Gina Grad]

I know, is it. I'm 93, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here we go.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, next up, 2005 film directed by David Cronenberg. One of his rare. This is him getting away from kind of the weird horror movies. Also stars Viggo Mortensen as a guy with a dark secret recognized by Ed Harris in an early scene. The movie is a history of violence.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that was a great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Good movie. One day we should do good movies with horrible scenes. Hey, man, what are you out there showing me up? Catching my pop fly. That was that whole scene.

[Bald Brian]

The bully's inciting incident was that he popped out to right field to end the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, the bully was skinny, armed and won about 141 pounds. He walked. He did the Babe Ruth point out to right field and went, I'm hitting a round tripper, my friends. Then he hit a ball that the kid in right field had to not move to catch. Like, he took half a step forward and he just caught the fly. And then it smash cut to them in the locker room going, hey, man, what are you trying to pull out there? And it's like you popped out to right. It was a shallow pop to right. There was an attempt to create some conflict, but there's many ways to do it. Have him slide into second with his spikes up high and get him in the shins or rob him.

[Bald Brian]

A home run.

[Adam Carolla]

Something other than a routine hit to him.

[Bald Brian]

He decides then he's gonna make this kid's life hell.

[Adam Carolla]

All movies that have bully friends never have my friends in high school that went, hey, jerk off. If you don't want him to catch your fly ball, next time try hitting it over his head because this one he just caught. It was a weird, fucked up scene. And I was like, oh, whoever wrote this knows nothing about sports. But other than that, what's your number? I liked it. There's a lot. There's also weird oral sex scene on the staircase with Maria Bello.

[Bald Brian]

This is a good movie, but it is a very poorly written.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt came in a little early with a yes. There's also a scene with Maria. Yes.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, there she puts on that.

[Adam Carolla]

She puts on a cheerleader skirt. There was a lot of weird. There's a lot of weirdness. I mean, I wouldn't tell people not to watch this movie, but there's definitely a couple of holes in this one.

[Bald Brian]

Hole in guy's face may get shot,

[Matt Atchity]

but some Academy Award nominations for this one.

[Adam Carolla]

But the critics wouldn't know. The sports thing was kind of a fucked up thing.

[Bald Brian]

No, not at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I say 77%.

[Bald Brian]

I said 70.

[Matt Atchity]

87.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. This is too high. The people got this one a little better. Closer. This. This movie had some shitty scenes in it.

[Bald Brian]

Congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, thank you. I'll take the victor. All right, play, play. All right. How we doing, Gary? Should we take a quick break? Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

I do want to mention Gary was the one who made sure that we did have a seventh tiebreaker.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he did?

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Good man. RottenTomatoes.com is where you go. And also, well, the website RottenTomatoes.com and then what's going on with the pod man?

[Matt Atchity]

We're still doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

And we can go to iTunes or tomatoes.com or whatever, wherever we like. All right, we'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

[Naomi Grossman]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Naomi Grossman]

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[Adam Carolla]

This is the mantra. Free.

[Naomi Grossman]

This is the. With movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Got play that rot tomato theme song. I throw my voice out every time trying to hit those high notes notes. It's killing me because I cannot not sing along. Anyways, keep up the good work. Thanks, Adam. I'll keep tuning in, although my voice is. Thanks. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Yeah, get it on, man. Try calm, cold weather here. Not here, but wherever you are. That's dry, itchy winter skin. Instead of using the same old anti itch stuff, use a little tricom. This stuff's good. It's five times more effective than hydrocortisone. Gotta say fast. And none of the side effects. None of the steroids. They got the itch free guarantee. If it doesn't help, if it doesn't stop the itch man, you just mail them the empty tube, you get a full refund. So you can get a tube and we use it over here. Put it on your lips. You can put it wherever. It's totally safe. It doesn't smell like anything or taste like anything. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Can I tell you something about that? We actually put it on my boyfriend's dog's belly because he was itchy and it seemed to help.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you know, it's weird. I used some on Molly Girl, too, the other week. Yep. Get it Tricom. Keep it in your medicine cabinet. Keep one in your car. Throw one in the glove box. Keep one in your desk. It's a white tube, blue bottle, anti itch aisle and Walmart, Walgreens and cvs. Naomi Grossman here. You may know her from American Horror Story on fx. Pepper also went to the Groundlings. Now, how'd you do in the Groundlings? Were you a Groundling?

[Naomi Grossman]

I was not. Neither were you, from what I understand.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true, but look at us. They both landed on my show.

[Naomi Grossman]

No, but I mean, the roster of people who have not become Groundlings that became successful is much lengthier than that which became Groundlings.

[Adam Carolla]

Love to get on that list one day. How far down the Groundlings line did you make it?

[Naomi Grossman]

I was in the Sunday Company.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's pretty respectable.

[Naomi Grossman]

Oh, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's tough to get from. They do beginning, then they do intermediate, then they do a writer's lab.

[Bald Brian]

It's like AAA Sunday Company.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's maybe even. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Well, it's right before the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty good. Yeah, it's right before the show.

[Bald Brian]

It's the 40 man roster in September.

[Adam Carolla]

Then they do an advance thing and then they do the Sunday Company. And then there's the Groundlings after that.

[Naomi Grossman]

It's faster to be an astronaut. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know how long yours took. Mine was like six years.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Before they handed me my walking papers. I wish I would have told me that six years earlier. So yours was about the same.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's a weird program. I mean, you could get. You could be a medical physician faster than you could be a Groundling. And there's probably higher percentage chance that you could actually pull it off. Oh, it'd be cheaper, too. Yeah. But you learned a lot.

[Naomi Grossman]

Oh, sure, yeah. Zip.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, just the fact that you said oh, sure means you learned something.

[Naomi Grossman]

We were playing Zip. Zap. Zob. I don't mean zip like I learned nothing. Sorry. Oh, double entendre.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if we had. You can always. I can tell how old I am because there's people who were in my classes who were now Instructors. So they were like. They were in my Groundlings class who became instructors later on. But anybody. Were you there with anybody? Any notables?

[Naomi Grossman]

Notables? Michaela Watkins. No, I.

[Matt Atchity]

Who.

[Naomi Grossman]

I like that. She was on Saturday Night Live for a season.

[Bald Brian]

Mikaela Watkins.

[Naomi Grossman]

She's on that show Benched, which is now over. She's just always on shows that get canceled.

[Adam Carolla]

Is SNL for one season worse than no season.

[Bald Brian]

Depends on why you leave after that one season.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe the rest.

[Bald Brian]

Maybe you're chase and you go on a movie career.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe you're. Yeah, I'm just saying, like, if.

[Caller/Guest]

If.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's not if, it's not a foregone conclusion that, yeah, the movie shit just took off and it came calling and he had it. You had to go do that. But I mean, yeah, the one and done.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. Was Jay Moore one and done or was he. I mean, I feel like there are a few notable one and dones, but Robert Downey Jr.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole cast was like one and done back back then. So Naomi, by the way, her website, Naomi Grossman.net is where you can go if you want to find out what she's up to and her hijinks and all that, and see her stuff on Funny or Die and all that. Where is Funny or Die? I don't think I've ever been to. I've been to, like, College Humor and a bunch of other places. But does Funny or Die have a place?

[Naomi Grossman]

I don't think so. I think it's just in the Internet.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause College Humor has two floors in Manhattan. I mean, you go in there and there's a whole shitload of people.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, there's a headquarters.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a headquarters. Yeah. Funny or Die's gotta have a.

[Bald Brian]

They must have admits.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, that's true. They've got Will Ferrel and all sorts of.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna have something over there anyway. You can go there. You can see some of Naomi's stuff. And we're gonna plug American Horror Story. But it's just ended. Right?

[Naomi Grossman]

Right. We've been trying to get me in here for about three months. The show. My episode was airing when I was supposed to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right. Well, then, Wildlings for you. Right. Basically, I'll tell you what people should do. They should just hop on Netflix or whatever they are, wherever you go, to find what is he back. Hulu and places like that.

[Naomi Grossman]

Oh, for back episodes. Well, this most recent season won't actually be on Netflix until October, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Naomi Grossman]

I Might actually become a groundling. But, yeah, sure, there's other ways, of course. And yeah, this last season, Freak show, of course, ended on air in January when I was supposed to be here. But alas, I would say, yeah, the Orphans episode was my notable episode. The whole, you know, it's basically the first time we've seen a character return to that. The series, you know, because each season is self contained.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so go find it somewhere, track it down. That's what I'm saying.

[Gina Grad]

That's what Internet savvy folk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, shall we do a little news? And Naomi, you hang out. Crack wise, jump in, do what you do. That made you good enough to get in the Sunday Company, which I was not good enough for. I'm giving you the News with Grad News with Gina Grad. Showbiz, Congress tech news, sports news, world news. Give me news with Gina Grad. Richard out of Florida. Sex servants, Obama need. News with Gina Gina the News with Gina Grad.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Jimmy Kimmel revealed some pretty personal stuff at south by Southwest over the weekend. And some of it was about his. His penis.

[Adam Carolla]

San Mateo, by the way, is where Funny or Die is. California, where I was in high school.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, all right, sorry. Back to Jimmy's penis.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get back to the car.

[Gina Grad]

The late night talk shows divulged during a panel that he'd had two surgeries on his penis in order to fix a very unusual problem. And we're lucky enough to have some audio of him talking about that problem.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I went with him. Why, Gary, does it seem like this catches us by surprise oftentimes? Is our computers down or something? I'm having an Internet issue.

[Gina Grad]

All right, I can tell you about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell you about his cock, too.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

I went with him to Dr. Drew's office. His urethra shut. And this is really lose, lose.

[Bald Brian]

But do you really need your urethra?

[Adam Carolla]

Once we cleaned my shit out of it, it worked just fine.

[Bald Brian]

Free flowing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, when your urethra starts closing up, you never really think about it. But imagine that feeling of not being able to take a piss. Yeah, I mean, sort of like having your head held underwater. I mean, that could bring on some panic. That's something you want to do when you want to do it. And Dr. Drew took basically kebab skewer and did what we call in the construction parlance, yoked it out.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, little fracking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just kind of slid down and kind of give it a little swizzle stick.

[Gina Grad]

But he Said in the interview that he actually had to do it twice. Do you have any story I can't be with?

[Adam Carolla]

I cannot hold the man's hand every time he has his cock yoked out. But I do seem to remember going to Pasadena with him after doing the KROC morning show. I think we recorded it actually, like a live remote. I. I think we did. I think it was sweeps. Gina, listen, when you're doing a morning show, you're. You got four hours to kill. You're looking for material, and when somebody's. When somebody in the morning crew is doing some based activity with Dr. Drew, you bring the DAT. That's how it goes. Do we. We have a recording of that? Oh, we think we have the audio working. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, Yeah, I think. I think we did it on the errand. Kevin and Bean. But anyway, here it is. What happened to the hole in your penis? I just want to keep saying a hole in your penis. It just kind of closed up on its own. I don't know why it happened. I still don't know why it just opened one day. No, I had to have an op. Well, listen, I can have an operation on a hole in your penis. Twice. Yeah. Oh, I like. I want to kind of vomit. Well, you brought it up. You did. At the panel yesterday. That was at a panel that's in front of. Were you diagnosed with something? What were you diagnosed with? Like, colitis. What is it? I was diagnosed with. I don't know.

[Matt Atchity]

The guy said, you're a hole.

[Adam Carolla]

The urethra is closing up. We need to operate on it. And they did. And then they said, yeah, we didn't really get it. It didn't quite work. We have to do it again. And they did it again. And now Jimmy has the biggest hole in his penis. Thank you. I'm a real pee hole. Well, it's better being an A hole. I seem to remember that they just kind of work it open and. And I'm not sure.

[Bald Brian]

It sounds like it was more of a. He ended up going back for more of a, like, medical procedure.

[Adam Carolla]

I've. I've never seen any stitches in his cock.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And never gone more than two days without seeing his cock, so. So it'd be tough to get that one past me. I think the procedure is to again try to yoke it out. Maybe they put you to sleep at some point because the discomfort level's so insane, but it's not. Maybe they cut a little at the tip. I can't remember what the second Part was. I do seem to recall the first part, but I'll validate what that. Give me a quick call. I'll shoot him an email or something. Figure it out. Yeah, well.

[Gina Grad]

And that's the thing. And I'm sure Naomi can back me up on this. We're used to all kinds of problems. You know, you get the uti, you. You get a touch of the pregnancy. You get whatever you have to deal with that area, whatever. But I actually feel really bad for anyone who has to get yoked and swabbed. That seems like that's a pretty. That's not supposed to happen. You're not supposed to be doing that there.

[Adam Carolla]

The. I think I've never. I've been very lucky. Not in life, but from a urethra point of view, I've been blessed. And I've never had anything going the other direction down that salmon stream.

[Bald Brian]

Knock on wood.

[Adam Carolla]

But I can tell you this. If you do the finger in the throat thing, where you put your finger down your throat, and even if you make no contact with anything, you can still feel it and.

[Bald Brian]

Gag reflex.

[Adam Carolla]

They have that gag reflex. This is that. But it's your whole hand going down your throat because it's not like they're threading the needle, not touching anything. It's not the game operation.

[Bald Brian]

No. You're squirming.

[Adam Carolla]

Your nose lights up when the thing hits the side. It is all sides of the urethra being hit, especially when you're trying to yoke it out a little bit. So anyway, probably enough cocktalk with the kids here today.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, damn. Cause I had a question.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Gina Grad]

Would you rather have that area probed or your ass for medical reasons?

[Bald Brian]

Ass for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

My ass.

[Gina Grad]

Got it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure.

[Gina Grad]

I'm making a note.

[Bald Brian]

I'm told that feels all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well. And also, the ass is meant. I mean, you know, gay guys can have a baby, you know, or something. The point is, the ass is the 90s, ladies. The ass. I have something a lot wider in circumference than a swizzle stick come out of my ass probably twice a day.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I know what you're saying.

[Bald Brian]

So things go in and out of sizable size.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, you know, if you.

[Bald Brian]

It's meant to stretch.

[Adam Carolla]

Take a look at your handiwork after your morning constitution, and you go, all right. That's what I'm capable of. You know what I'm saying?

[Bald Brian]

I wrote about that chapter in my book. I know what I feel like. I'VE been through my own childbirth.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I don't feel that way with urine. It's basically. It's interesting because urine just will reduce itself to whatever size of the hose it's coming out of the. Where is the ass? The sphincter is much more accommodating. I'm dropping a duralog. Open up. Here we go.

[Bald Brian]

Opens like Stargate.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Mm. That's right. It's an aperture. Mm.

[Gina Grad]

Howard Stern.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Gina Grad]

CNN reports that Howard Stern may or may not renew his lucrative contract with SiriusXM at the end of the year, but he will apparently have plenty of other opportunities to consider. In fact, Stern said on his radio show Monday that a massive job offer recently fell into his lap. Stern said, my agent called me with an opportunity that is so mind blowing, like it would be the dream job of all time for me. Nobody knows what that job is.

[Bald Brian]

What a fortunate coincidence.

[Caller/Guest]

But.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly. Howard confided that he'd happily also just stay home and do absolutely nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he always says that because it gets the price up. Yeah, and people should know. As a side note, when Matt Achetty was leaving and I said, what's up with Abyss? I don't think it was that great. He said, the environmental message is what sent the rating up with the critics. And I said, isn't that what you're making my argument now? There's an environmental message. Why is that resonating with the critics if the critics aren't into that?

[Bald Brian]

It's odd that one message resonates.

[Gina Grad]

He said, well, look at the time. My mom's calling me.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm not saying there's not room for real criticism. I'm just saying I feel like there's some points shaved. When the guy says women aren't funny and it's time to review his movie,

[Bald Brian]

those points find their way over to the abyss.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Well, yes, there are. If you do a movie about a certain topic, you will gain 20 points versus whatever else. Anyway, sometimes.

[Gina Grad]

By the way, women make it into the Sunday Company.

[Adam Carolla]

What? The growlings were lousy with broads. When I was there, I had all pretty much female teachers straight on through. I had like Cynthia Segetti and Mindy Sterling and like all the luminaries over there, when I was there, I got

[Bald Brian]

a friend of the Groundlings right now and I just went to see his thing a year or so ago. Many more women than men. Actually, significantly more women than men.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I think. I think probably attracted to that genre more than stand up for instance, where you have more men in that world. But anyway, all right, so what could that thing be? And let's hope it wasn't Conan's dream job, because he'll be devastated for a second time. Seriously, do you have any guesses on what his.

[Gina Grad]

What the offer might be hosting some sort of TV show or hosting the Adam Carolla show?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God, I don't. I really. I got up way too early to venture any guesses, but we wish him well.

[Gina Grad]

All right, so remember the video from yesterday with that woman who lit up a cigarette on the airplane and started ranting about how the US has declared war on Venezuela and nobody knew what she was talking about? So now we know who she is. The Miami New Times identified the woman as 52 year old Karen Halnon, who's an associate professor of sociology at Pennsylvania State University, Abingdon. And by the way, the people that were next to her on the plane, or at least somewhere on the plane, were her. And after expressing her regret for making a scene while she had the college kids with her, she added in an email, in a democracy, one must speak up against injustice and that she'd been mistreated during her arrest. Adding to be tortured is not democracy. And she posted a $500 bail after the incident. There's no word yet on whether or not she'll be reprimanded by the university, but that's who she is. She's a professor who tortured her. The police were waiting for her. Probably escorted her to a room and gave her a talking to. Oh, said she was tortured.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure she was waterboarded. That Logan. Oh, I don't know where they landed, but Miami, Yeah, tortured, it's broad, just nutty, right? And people just go, look, I was on some pain medication. I probably hadn't, shouldn't had those two loose little miniature bottles of Rumrico. And I'm sorry, I think everyone's allowed

[Bald Brian]

in their life, everyone's allowed one major freak out. You can write it up, write it off to a mental episode, the meds, whatever. I think you're allowed to. Yeah, so plan yours.

[Gina Grad]

Well, getting started, looks like we would

[Bald Brian]

have forgiven it, right? I mean, like, you know what? I was with myself. I don't know what happened.

[Gina Grad]

Well, what about Paris Hilton's brother who called everyone peasants and then said, sorry, I was on too much Ambien, I'm

[Adam Carolla]

with Brian on the.

[Bald Brian]

That guy's an asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

One freak out, all citizens, whenever you want. Now, I don't want it to be a Denny Situation where you get to freak out once a year on your birthday and get a grand slam or something like that. But I will be. I would, by the way, I'd like to run on a ticket of everyone. I will give you one. Freak out. I will give you one dui.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, sorry.

[Gina Grad]

Generous.

[Adam Carolla]

I will give you one indecent exposure. Like, you know, you're at a park and you just got a fucking piss so goddamn bad, and the cops, you know, whatever, and you can't make it to the. Like.

[Bald Brian]

This is gonna be one hell of a night.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna. I will give everyone one. When I'm in charge, I'll give them one of, like, five or six things. Maybe shoplifting. You know, the shit you get busted for when you're 14. Yeah. For the most part. Sol. A prostitute or being a prostitute. I think I'll give. Every citizen will be born with one, get out of jail free. You know it's not gonna be murder, right? Of course it's not gonna be arson. Arson unless it's contained and the person kind of is a dick. But no, I mean, I'll give you one. I'll tell you what I'll give you. I'll also give you one like they have, you know, excessive speeding. You know, there's the one where you're driving to Nevada and you're doing 95 or 12 or something. And the guy like, this ain't a ticket, buddy. Yeah. There's exhibition of speed or something where you do like a burnout or something. And that. That. I'll give you one of those. Because there's nothing, you know, the speed limit's 65. The guy will go, I can give you a ticket up to 85, but past that, I got to take you in. Can. You were doing 102. I'll give you one of those.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you want to use it, when you want to use your DUI one, play both those. You know what I mean? But I wouldn't mind everybody. Now, here's the thing. You don't pay your taxes, we're going to need to take them back.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

These are for the folks that toe the line. Yeah. You want to be a contributor, you want to pay your taxes? I'll give you one of those.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Bald Brian]

I'm with you. Good for you.

[Naomi Grossman]

How do we vote for you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right.

[Naomi Grossman]

Let's make this happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then the one freak out.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you're smart, use it on an air Corolla.

[Gina Grad]

Bishop Ticket 2016. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know if Brian was involved.

[Bald Brian]

If you guys need me.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. I'll tell you what I would use. I would use fun. Ah. Sorry, where was I? Ah, fun. Easy. Yes. Future Advisor. Got enough to retire? Mmm, not necessarily. Hidden fees, taxes, brokers, getting a bunch of money. Government's getting rich. That's right. You could be working into your 70s, future advisor. They're smart. They got a Nobel Prize winning strategy. It's going to save you a ton of money. It's going to help you keep your money. It is the best. It is, Future Advisor. Look, make your investments work. Retire sooner. Someone want to know when I was going to retire? Well, I should have got Future Advisor. You wouldn't hear me right now.

[Bald Brian]

Don't it sound like that's how good they are?

[Adam Carolla]

But Future Advisor. In my 30s, it sounds like this. That's right. There'd be no show, nothing. I'd be retired. Be drinking out of a hollowed out coconut on some island somewhere right now. Marlon Brando's younger brother. But no. Yeah, I wish my parents had gotten this crap. Your portfolio, it's lacking. Let them help you. Go to futureadvisor.com Adam. You can get a portfolio analysis. Let's see. Let's throw it up on the rack. Let's shine a light on it. Let's get our news it. Let's see if we got any drips. Maybe those rotors need to be turned. All right. Plan the future and do it in under two minutes. Under two minutes and it's free. Go to futureadvisor.com Adam. Think about your future. Free. Under two minutes. All right. Gina Grant.

[Gina Grad]

Well, speaking of taxes, as you spoke of, legal marijuana in Colorado has already generated more than $15 million in tax revenue that is specifically earmarked for public schools, according to the latest data from the state's Department of Education. The Denver Post recently reported that the state marijuana businesses sold a record amount of marijuana in January and it produced more than 2 million in excise taxes flagged for schools in just that month.

[Adam Carolla]

So we got the lottery. We got. So the only money that goes to schools is from gambling and drug abuse. That's a lovely message to send to the young kids.

[Gina Grad]

Well, the. But it's a huge deal because before all the weed was being sold and given to the schools, they brought in less than $200,000 as opposed to 15 million.

[Adam Carolla]

I am all for it, but I look at the school system, especially the school system, same way I look at Candy Spelling.

[Bald Brian]

There's No, I saw this going this way.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no amount of money that she can't absorb, you know what I mean? She'll fucking add a wing on to the wing that she just added to her present wrapping room. Or she'll put a second story on her bowling alley. Is there ever amount of money you could give Candy Spelling where she'd go, that's enough. Or that's it. Or, I'm not. I'm good, take it back. The school systems were better before this and all this, and I'm all for it. Give them what you can. I mean, the schools, we, we back in the day, this whole thing where it's like, listen, everybody needs a tablet. No, they don't. They need a fucking peachy folder. And they need parents that are hovering over them telling them to get the fuck to work. The thing that always bothers me is. I know no amount of money ever reconciles the thing. Look, you can go fucking Abe Lincoln style. Just fucking slate and a chocolate pizza. I mean. I mean, two parents focusing on the kid, just being aware. How you doing at school? How are you doing at school? What's going on? What's coming up? What's going on? And by the way, I shall show up at school and meet with your teachers and talk. I will be involved. Money's great, but I wish that money could somehow go into the family and less into just the institution that will find a way to spread it around quite nicely. But at some point a year from now, they'll go, listen, we don't have the funds to. And then fill in the blank. And I never understood. I mean, I get it when it comes to, you know, you're in Chicago in the winter, you need heat in the classroom. But the part where money is associated with the schools in such a massive way is a relatively new thing. Thing. When I went to school, schools were shitty, but it had nothing to do with money.

[Bald Brian]

The money was never here nor there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I had friends that went to Stanford and I had friends that went to Pacoima and picked up garbage on a construction site with me, but it wasn't. Where's the money? Where's the program? Where's the school? It's like, no, Nate Wittenberg's parents are still together. They live up the hill and they give a shit.

[Bald Brian]

The school's the school.

[Adam Carolla]

Ray's parents don't give a shit. They're divorced, so he lives in an apartment. That's kind of. The school was just where we all hung out for eight hours a day. But then we all went our separate ways. Some to Stanford, some to San Fernando Valley. That's when I sort of learned the lesson. We're all in the same class. We had the same desk, the same pencil. Everything was the same except for when we got home. Things were incredibly different. And you know, look, giving them, you know, shrinking the size of the classroom and all that stuff, it's all good. All pales in comparison to Nate returning to the parents that were together and want to know if he had homework. That's all I'm saying.

[Gina Grad]

Fair enough. So the fight of the century is scheduled for May 15th, by the way, it's between Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney. This is going to happen in Salt Lake City. Romney has no delusions about actually winning this contest. He told the Salt, the Salt Lake Tribune. It will be a very short fight. I will be knocked unconscious. It won't be much of a fight. We'll both suit up and get in the ring, spar around a little bit. A portion of the proceeds will help support charity Vision, which provides doctors and facilities in poverty stricken areas with equipment and resources to carry out eye operations.

[Adam Carolla]

Again, punching people in the eye is how we're gonna raise awareness. This is gonna be the whitest and blackest man on the planet. Squaring. If anyone was a racist either side and wanted to really root for their own, this is the fight.

[Bald Brian]

This is the best you got?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is the best we got. This is the whitest, the white has to offer and the blackest black has to offer. Squaring off.

[Bald Brian]

God bless those warriors.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the problem with this kind of stuff because I heard about it and Vander was on the show Monday. They can't really box because Vander Holyfield is going to kill him. So now they have to just kind of move around and Patty, pat, pat. And then what is now what are we doing? Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, my son could play a game of basketball with Shaq, but I'd rather see somebody kind of go at it. I mean, I'd rather have, you know, Mitt Romney get in there with Al Gore and just fucking go at it. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, let's have a couple of middle aged dudes with, you know, a little spare time, put on some 12 ounce gloves and fucking go at it.

[Bald Brian]

I'm in.

[Gina Grad]

And add insult to injury, Holyfield's gonna have to take a couple sucker punches.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, we'd all love to see like Mitt now Go at it. Right. And then the deal would. The conceit would be 100% both ways straight away. Yeah. Just fucking go at it. No, I mean, look, even three. Three. Three minute rounds or whatever it is, but you still know they were going at it.

[Bald Brian]

I do not.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd be like, who's going to win?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I have marginal interest in what Gina described, because you're right, it's going to be. Yeah. A little tappy tapping, all that stuff, but yeah, there's two guys who are evenly matched.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Especially politicians.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, because it's like Muhammad Ali would, like, climb in the ring with Nelson Mandela and they'd be like, goofing around and stuff, and it's like, all right, but I want to see a guy again. Let's see a little trickle of blood coming from one guy's nostril.

[Gina Grad]

What if we do? And what if it's middle? What if he accidentally taps him a little too hard and Mitt starts bleeding?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it'd be nice. But we all know this is gonna be a dance and it's not really gonna.

[Bald Brian]

Best case scenario, Mitt lands a good punch. Like they're messing around, you know, kind of playing around.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Bald Brian]

Instinctively, Vander's like, oh, fuck no.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he probably has a little ptsd.

[Bald Brian]

That's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Mm. All right, what else we got?

[Gina Grad]

All right. Well, the roast on Comedy Central, of course, are designed to push the envelope, but not this far. According to Pete, the cable network has decided to cut all references to the late Paul Walker of the Fast and the Furious fame in its upcoming Justin Bieber roast after jokes about the deceased actor were met with audible groans.

[Bald Brian]

How many references were there?

[Gina Grad]

There was a couple. Jeffrey Ross got one in. Pete Davidson got one in. They were making super off color jokes referencing Walker hitting a tree and wishing that Bieber had been drag racing with Paul Walker instead. But Comedy Central rep defended the comic, saying, roasts often push the limits of good taste. And we give the participants full reign to try, knowing we can edit it after.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, you're a hero. We let them say whatever they want and then we take it out.

[Bald Brian]

Mute him.

[Gina Grad]

That was. That was his way of, you know, sticking up for the dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, as I said, the. That is a. The attempt is to be funny, but the attempt is to out shock and outdo and out go. And. And. And that's what they do. Sadly, there's elements of that in pornography these days. I disapprove.

[Bald Brian]

You don't like that?

[Adam Carolla]

I Don't need to see a lot of the things I've seen.

[Bald Brian]

You don't need to, but you get to.

[Adam Carolla]

I was good somewhere around the mid-80s. We didn't have to get into all the spitting and all the fluids exchanging and all that. We didn't have to get weird.

[Gina Grad]

And you got background music. I don't think you get that anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I miss that. Yeah. Yeah, it just got a little. See, everything now has to have a shock value to it, and I don't need that in that arena. You know what I mean? I don't need the chick with the crazy tats and the aggressive piercings. That's just. You know, the guy just beat off into a ladle and she's dumping it on her head. No. You know what I mean?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, her head. How quaint.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just saying. I don't need. We can stop when it starts getting gross and weird, right? That's all I'm saying.

[Gina Grad]

Well, and also that this is the porn and this is the sex that a lot of kids are being introduced to. There's a phrase called being porn ruined that they're just walking right into, like, oh, that's normal. We'll just smack around a little bit, because that's what you're supposed to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

Mm. That's a waste of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Just a waste of Sonny's time.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Gina Grad]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina, Gina Grad. That was the. With Gina Grad. Lifelock ultimate love. These guys look part of doing business now. Everything's easy now. Swipe that credit card. Go hit Amazon. Give them my info. Go. Go to itunes. Go wherever. But the clouds up there, man, it's. It's storm clouds. Storm a brewing miss. Storms. When they used to brew, they used to a brew. They used to brew. The storms are brewing. Yeah, it's back when people used to up and die. Now they just die.

[Bald Brian]

Those die.

[Gina Grad]

They fix to do stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

He's fixing to up and die because the storms are brewing. Anyway, he once shot a man just for snoring. Lifelock ultimate. Sure. His family was delighted to hear that story. Time, life, everything you need. All the banks, all the records, all the thing. It's up in the cloud, and the man is gonna steal it from you. Let's not let that happen. Let's Lifelock ultimate. Plus, I have for myself, I have my two little kids running out there. They have identities. They can be stolen. It's Lifelock ultimate. Dawson, visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership. That's promo code Adam. LifeLock.com to get a special 10% discount. LifeLock.com network does not cover all transactions. All right, us at the Irvine Improv next Wednesday, which is this Wednesday. Yes. All right. That's what it should say. 8 o'.

[Caller/Guest]

Clock.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, Las Vegas coming up. See, there's a. I have a. I have a third strat of confusion because I talk about things so many times that when I see it the way I didn't talk about it, I think, well, that can't be right because I've brought it up 128 times. The next versus this thing. But it's finally here. Turns out it can be done. All right, Mangria. Now I'm in a better mood. Just got our biggest order. I think about 850 cases or something going to a bunch of supermarkets. So if you want to try some, go to corolladrinks.com and order yourself some Mangria aforementioned road hard. Check it out. Be like, give it a rating for yourself on the Rotten Tomatoes or itunes or whatever you like and enjoy the movie. And whatever you need, it's at the store. Adamcarolla.com store now Naomi Grossman. Her website, Naomi Grossman.net, twitter, Naomi Wgrossman. And what are we missing there, Naomi?

[Naomi Grossman]

Gosh, we've covered Jimmy Kimmel's urethra.

[Adam Carolla]

We touched on it. I wouldn't say we covered it, but it was touched on.

[Gina Grad]

There's so much more to say.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm voting for you whenever you run for office.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

And itunes, Video on demand. These are all places that you can catch American Horror Story. And it is worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. So until next time, I am Krolfer. Naomi Gross, Matt Aty, Gina Grad. And Ball Brian saying Mahala Holy. Get it on.

[Naomi Grossman]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset.

[Naomi Grossman]

Free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mantra. Free.

[Naomi Grossman]

This is with movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator, and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now. Pay never.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, that's Adam Krillo Show 1534. Coming up next, we have Adam Carlos show episode 92 featuring Teresa Strasser and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2009 this is when they were still doing the weekly news Day and Date show where Theresa and Brian from the morning show would join Adam in studio. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to a ride and they got all the stuff there. Mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer. But my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right, Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. And I want to welcome back to the podcast two of my favorites, Teresa Strasser and Bald Brian. Now, last time we spoke to Teresa, it was without Bald Brian because Bald Brian was enjoying his honeymoon back from Maui.

[Bald Brian]

I was attempting to enjoy honeymoon. The reason I wasn't here was because the first couple days were rough. We were in Maui and they lost my luggage on day one and I got sick on day two. So we decided let's look into extended honeymoon to couple days. And we did. And hence why I was there for a couple extra days.

[Adam Carolla]

And the lost luggage thing, it feels like a vestige and a punchline from the past, but they still do it these days.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you're sitting around the carousel and there's nothing coming out. And the people come up to you, they're like, oh, you're luggage should be coming on the next flight. And you're like, oh, all right, should be. Yeah, should be. Turns out the next two flights. So you and your call and constantly like, where's my luggage or luggage? Oh, it's somewhere in sfo. And you're like, oh, well, how long should I get out here? And they Say we don't know, but it'll be on a later flight. So the flight ends up being next day at 2 in the afternoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is where my ploy of wearing the exact same thing four days in a row when I go on a vacation, no matter where I go really pays dividends, right? The copious amounts of ball powder I dump down my shorts so I can wear the same midway briefs. I mean Donnie and I went through Europe, I wore the same midways. I got eight days out of at a same pair of midways at least same pair of pants. Same, same, same thing. What I realized though is stay away from the Dacrons and the ray, the polyesters. And I actually had a moment where I was smelling. I had one of these sort of polyester workouts shirts like sort of Under Armour Y or whatever, you know, you know the sort of workout shirts that are sort of made of, I don't know what that dries quickly or whatever it was, wicks away the moisture.

[Naomi Grossman]

Man made polymer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I was noticing for one of the first times in a long time some funk coming from my armpit. And then I realized, you know what, I shouldn't blame the foreigners for smelling so much. It's not them their fiber, it's their fiber. Fiber? Yeah, they're attracted to the man made polymers. They don't wear the hundred percent cotton like, like we do every day. Labor I've ever worked with wore a dress shirt essentially something from the 70s that Tony Monero would have worn in, you know, Dance Fever. And yet that's where the funk you, you, I, I, anyone who's listening, put one of these shirts on and go out and. And it's the idea of rayon Dacron polyester meets disco is the world meets cocaine, right? It's the world's worst fucking combination of

[Naomi Grossman]

fun, small, crowded space, right? You're dancing.

[Adam Carolla]

So you take this man made fiber, do a little bump of the little Bolivian marching powder, then go out on the packed dance floor and get your robot on for three hours and then we'll come home and make sweet love. You're going to stink like hell.

[Naomi Grossman]

That's why they wore so much cologne in that era.

[Adam Carolla]

You had to, you had to, you had to. So Brian, how's your health? Where are we in your treatment and catch everyone up on it?

[Bald Brian]

Treatment is done. Radiation is done. I've been done for a couple weeks. My six weeks is over. I've been out of it for about four weeks. My symptoms, they feel worse sometimes than ever. Like, it's weird, I feel more tired now than I did in week number two. But that they just tell me. I went in for my first MRI and they tell me that it looks normal, about the same size tumor, but that's to be expected. They hope the radiation will continue to shrink it over the course of a few months and years. And I'm back on chemo for five days at a time starting yesterday. So five days chemo, then off for a month, then on for five days.

[Adam Carolla]

So you had your first MRI and

[Naomi Grossman]

they said it's normal?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they said it's what they.

[Adam Carolla]

And the idea is to stop. I mean, number one, stop the tumor from growing by hitting it with the chemo and the radiation and then hopefully shrink it.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, they retard its growth and then they shrink it.

[Bald Brian]

Right, exactly. So they've hopefully stopped the growth. And over the course of the next few MRIs, which they will schedule every couple months, they will look for shrinkage reduction in the size of the actual tumor.

[Adam Carolla]

How do they physically calculate that?

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. I mean, like, how do they put

[Adam Carolla]

you in the exact same position and take a picture and literally measure the picture or hold it up to one another, use it as a, you know, put it over the other one?

[Bald Brian]

I guess I can tell how relatively big it is compared to the rest of my brain or the actual size of the actual. The scan. The one they use now, they call it a baseline measurement. They'll use this one as the baseline measurement to compare all others against so they'll know how much it shrunk.

[Naomi Grossman]

So that baseline picture was probably taken before your first radiation.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

And that one's not as good, so they used it to kind of like discard it a little bit. The one they took, the one they took a couple days ago or a couple weeks ago is the new baseline which they'll use to measure the progress.

[Adam Carolla]

That's basically Kirstie Alley before the Jenny Craig.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. The Cheers era. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, not the Cheers era. That's the bloated Kirsty Alley.

[Bald Brian]

Oh.

[Naomi Grossman]

And then she was looking pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

She looked good in the Cheers era. That's the fat before picture.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And then we use that to monitor the progress as the pounds melt off.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Right. Now, my Kirsty Alley tumor will look after.

[Naomi Grossman]

She'll love that. That's the best role she's gotten in years.

[Bald Brian]

It'll appear to be worse in some instances, but a good. A trained doctor can look at it and say, well, this is better. This is better.

[Adam Carolla]

This is better because it's been aggravated, so to speak, by the pressure that's been put on it via the radiation.

[Naomi Grossman]

And you said that some of your symptoms now feel worse, which are the hardest.

[Bald Brian]

My left arm and leg are clumsy and more so than they were. Like, I had weeks 1, 2, and 3. 3. And as a result, like, walking around and just trying to walk normally can be a little bit of a challenge. So luckily, Chrissy, my wife, usually I say fiance, but now I say wife. Chrissy, my wife, is really helpful with just really unbelievable. Help me get around. And she's documenting this whole [e-mail] their excellent blog. Her excellent blog.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what a great guy you are. When I had my fiance, Lynette, go from fiance to wife, I called her my girlfriend for the first time. Actually, I went down. I went the other direction. She got a demotion, and now I call her my fiance.

[Naomi Grossman]

Can I say something cheesy, though? So now it's been a year since I've been married, and if I hear my husband on the phone and he refers to me as his wife, I feel like crying.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah. I still love it. Isn't that embarrassing?

[Bald Brian]

Like, what have I done? How to cry?

[Naomi Grossman]

No, no. Like, I just can't believe he thought he's referring to me. I know something about it that's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

When he says ball and chain, you hear white. Or when he thinks ball and chain, he says why?

[Naomi Grossman]

He says albatross. I hear that's the whole reason for me to get married, because girlfriend and fiance are such lame terms.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I concur. So Brian had the mri how long ago?

[Bald Brian]

I think the day I got back on Wednesday.

[Adam Carolla]

And they were positive about it?

[Bald Brian]

They were. Overall, a great MRI would have been, hey, this thing's going away. But they saw some great things on there, which is the tumor is the same size. There's no growth, and the radiation's working. And keep up.

[Adam Carolla]

And they know the radiation is working because it's not grown.

[Bald Brian]

I asked the doctor the same thing. I said, how does radiation work? He looks like me, has radiation always works.

[Naomi Grossman]

I wonder that too, because here you probably had that tumor a long time before you were aware that it was there. So how can you tell if it's fast growing or slow growing?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they don't know. They would have to biopsy it to really tell. But as the doctors say, we've seen enough of these to know what's what and to get really into it, the new Scans are different than the old scans and the Omura and that the new scans show some minor enhancement in the actual, like, area of the tumor. But that's. That's how that kind of tumor responds to treatment. You know, you want that you want.

[Adam Carolla]

So they know it's. It. It knows it's being treated.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, exactly. And they say it's being. It's acting like a low grade, slow growing, you know, tumor. So.

[Naomi Grossman]

And these enhancements are what. What are causing your symptoms?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, exactly. Minor symptoms, too. Like I said, I'm slurring a lot, but it's my tongue and my lips are kind of numb on one side and it sucks. But, you know, it's getting better.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the wedding was beautiful, and I'm glad you guys were able to add a couple of. Couple of days to your honeymoon. And Teresa, now you have a condition as well. There's tumor growing in your belly. It's got a name on it.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, well, he doesn't have a name yet, but we've just started calling him Buster. That will not be his name. It's just his little fetal nickname.

[Adam Carolla]

Due date is what again?

[Naomi Grossman]

October 2nd. And I just realized, I don't know why, sometimes I figure things out very late. Like, I think it was two weeks ago when I realized that the G in Gmail stood for Google. That's something a second grader should know, not me. Did you know that?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I mean, to be fair to me, I've never thought about it, but there are things that just sort of logos and things that dawn on me after a while, like, oh, that. That's two M's. Yeah. Oh, that's the name of the company.

[Naomi Grossman]

This happened to me when I realized that you're not really pregnant for nine months, you're pregnant for 40 weeks. It's kind of like almost 10 months. And I got kind of upset. I was like, I'm seven months into this. I couldn't figure out, like, why do I keep being six months pregnant forever? And then I realized it's a little longer.

[Bald Brian]

But you feel like you got timed tacked on your sentence.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, yeah, I really do. I was like, this is a sham. My whole life I've been told you're pretty.

[Bald Brian]

Who do I complain to you about this?

[Naomi Grossman]

Who do I go to? But. But I mean, all in all, I can't complain because it's been. Even though I've had a few little, you know, things, it's. It's been a pretty great pregnancy. Although the last last week, as I was just Telling you guys about seeing that awful My Sister's Keeper movie. I just had this weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Off the air. You were telling us.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, I was telling you guys off the air. Air. That.

[Adam Carolla]

What was awful about it?

[Naomi Grossman]

Well, here's the weird thing. It wasn't an awful movie, but I think it. I had a week where I was just really down. I just wake up every day. I wake up and start crying, and then I cry for about 15 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, when you're having those kinds of weeks, you're supposed to rent Mad, Mad, Mad World, not My Sister's Keeper or Brian's Song or Terms of Endearment.

[Naomi Grossman]

I think my sisters keep. I couldn't figure out what was different because all along, since I've been pregnant, I've had, like, you know, worries and fears and stuff, but I've been pretty okay emotionally. And I had this one week where I just felt, like, really down. Really down. In fact, the last time I was here, I think was right around there. And I got a bunch of emails from people. Are you okay? But I try to trace it back, like, what. What happened? Because I felt fine. And I realized that seeing that move may have triggered some weird depression because it was so sad and it wasn't like an awful movie. It was okay. But I started crying about 10 minutes into it. And then, like, my whole sleeve was drenched because I was trying to. Then I was crying so hard. I Having trouble breathing. It was embarrassing. And my husband was looking at me, kind of laughing at me.

[Bald Brian]

I was the same way Yesterday at Transformers 2.

[Naomi Grossman]

Did it disappoint?

[Bald Brian]

Drenched tears? It didn't disappoint, but it wasn't that good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I heard.

[Bald Brian]

Sorry to interrupt your story.

[Naomi Grossman]

Well, to wrap it up. So I. I've never cried that much in a movie. I mean, it's just. It's a. It's about the kid with cancer. God sakes. Then she gets a boyfriend, and he's got Can. I just couldn't take it, right? It was so relentless. And the music.

[Adam Carolla]

Eventually, the sound guy in the first ad gets cancer. Then the guy, everyone on the set, Kraft Server, everyone gets cancer.

[Naomi Grossman]

Eventually.

[Matt Atchity]

Everyone.

[Naomi Grossman]

And then was like, Hamlet, everyone. And it was. I couldn't. I really, like, couldn't catch my breath during the movie. And my Ben. My friend Ben Mankiewicz reviewed it on After Louise, and he made the point that the music is really literal. So the songs are like, she's 12. She has cancer. Goodbye. So that. So the whole thing was just too much. And the Next day, when I woke up, I, like, my body couldn't differentiate whether that happened to me or to the actors. Like, I felt like I'd been to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, if you think about the way the human mind and the psyche works, you know, like, you ever have that dream where something bad happens or something good happens, and you wake up the next day and you wake up, and two seconds after you wake up, you realize that didn't just happen, but you sort of walk around with that feeling. Like, you ever have those sex dreams where you've had sex with somebody who you work with, and then you show up that morning at work and there's that person, and there's a whole part of your brain that absolutely knows, I did not have sex with this person. But there's this little kernel inside your brain that gives a. How you doing? And. Or who thinks somehow they know they're gonna know or whatever.

[Naomi Grossman]

You have something to say to Chaffee.

[Adam Carolla]

You feel. Thank you. I'm so glad I could approach you. So the point is, you get these little things and you carry them around, and your brain has a sort of dimmer switch on it, but it's not a toggle switch. You can't just shut stuff off. And so if you're going to go to a movie and you're going to be moved by the movie, you're not going to walk out of the theater and completely leave it behind. If it's a funny movie, you'll sort of be laughing on the way home or you'll be thinking about those things. I've always said that I think about. About the worst thing you could say about a movie is that you leave the movie theater and it's sort of like, huh? Like, what'd you guys talk about on the way to the restaurant? Not the movie. You know, we're completely gone. And the best thing you can say about it is it sort of stayed with you for a number of days. And. And I would say the greatest compliment you could pay someone like Oliver Stone, who makes a lot of really good movies and he's made a few duds, his movies. Like, when you watch the Doors, the next day you'll be thinking about Jim Morrison.

[Naomi Grossman]

The mood stays with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the mood will be with you. You'll totally. You'll feel like you were high. And the next day you'll go, ah, I want to listen to my. You'll dust off that Doors album and you'll put it on. Or you'll grab a book that Robbie Krieger wrote and want to read it? Like it'll get you there. Good movie, bad movie, long movie, short movie, boring movie, exciting movie. Just whatever it is. The idea that the next day it's on your mind.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You find your mind going there.

[Naomi Grossman]

Dead man walking. And for. I don't know why, but for some reason, I felt like I needed bereavement counseling. I couldn't. I couldn't. I was so upset that Sean Penn had never had shrimp until his last meal. I couldn't let go. I remember walking to the coffee shop afterwards and the person working there said, did he just leave? Dead man walking. They could tell.

[Bald Brian]

They knew.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah. But just physiologically, my face was so puffy from crying and my eyes hurt and my body just thought, we must be sad, something bad's happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, same thing with me. In disorderlies.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. Fabulous.

[Adam Carolla]

I just could never. I wasn't right and understand. I would go to work the next day and people are like, adam, hello, wake up. And I'm like, huh?

[Naomi Grossman]

Was Polly sure in that?

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

The fat boys. It was the fat Boys. They were fat black disorderlies. They were orderlies at a hospital.

[Bald Brian]

They could do anything. Right. Hilarity ensued.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you get 600 pound black guys pushing a gurney with a spindly old white woman on it, that that movie's gonna ride itself. Do you have a Skype call, by the way? Donald, or. And. Or Chaffee. Yes.

[Naomi Grossman]

Can I briefly say before we, before we do that, that speaking of things that made me cry, what about Brian's wedding? First dance.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

First he Rick rolls us.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, yeah?

[Bald Brian]

Let me ask your reaction to that.

[Adam Carolla]

He Rick rolled us. Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

First he Rick rolls us, then he busts out the heaven. Not the Bryan Adams version.

[Bald Brian]

I'm so pleased.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

Me and Lynette, we're mess.

[Adam Carolla]

Who? Yeah. It was wonderful. It was. It was touching. I mean, if I wasn't at the bar, I feel like I would have really been moved by. By that first dance. Yeah. Rick rolled us. Yeah. I'm sorry, Chaffee. Yeah. We got Eric on the line. He's got a boxing question for you guys. Let's put our headphones on and see what happens. Hello? Hey, Adam.

[Bald Brian]

What's up, buddy?

[Matt Atchity]

Eric.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, sir. What's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

How goes it?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, it's great, man. I can't tell you what an honor is. I've been listening for like nine years now and I've started a little thing at school. I go to college and I got a. When you came out with your best of Podcast. I made like 50 copies of them. Just handed them out to random kids and trying to do my part, brother.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you very much, Eric. Appreciate you spreading the word.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I just wanted to ask you, like, about the state of boxing in general and how you feel about our Toro Gotti is passing.

[Adam Carolla]

Arturo Gotti was choked out by his wife using her purse. And Arturo Gotti is. He was a champion.

[Bald Brian]

Let's life like show that of this earth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Oh, yes. He, Arturo Gotti had the epic wars with Mickey Ward. If you want to see some of the great fights ever, Arturo Gotti is one of these guys, guys that had four fights, like Ring magazine fight of the year, like every year, you know, the most action packed fight gets fight of the year. The idea that you have one of those in your career is a pretty good. Pretty good milestone. He had four in his career, so he was an action packed guy. Long on heart, not. Not the most ability in the world. Probably ended up finishing at like 40 and 7 or something, something like that. That. But had a younger wife, maybe a second wife, was on vacation with her and got into an argument, went back to the hotel. I'm assuming he was drunk. I'm assuming he was passed out. And I believe she choked him out with her purse and killed him. It's a crazy thing because, you know, not only did McNab, I mean, McNair goes, you know, a couple. Couple of days back, a couple of weeks back, at the age of, I think 36, 36, 37, girlfriend and then shot herself. Yeah, but Gotti also got it too, at I think he was 37. He retired just. I think he retired a couple of years ago. Retired in 07. And it's insane, obviously, that a guy who is that crazy warrior in the ring would go getting choked out by his old lady and her purse. Eric.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing about boxing, the heavyweight division is sort of, sort of dead. I mean, I've been saying for some time that what really should happen is the two Klitschkos should get together and that'll never happen.

[Bald Brian]

But that would be one heck of a fight if they would ever do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they do this thing where it's like, I can't beat you up. You're my brother. Don't most brothers grow up beating the crap out of each other? Yeah, I had a sister and we beat the crap out of each other. I would gladly fight her for $20 million.

[Naomi Grossman]

I mean, what else?

[Adam Carolla]

Gloves the. I go, I go Reyes because it's a Palma puncher and It's a punches glove. It's a Mexican glove. And I go, Liza and Goga, 8 ounce Reyes. And that's, that's the terms. So, you know, here's the thing. And you guys tell me what you. What you think of this. I have said that these two, although if they don't do it in the next year or so, my, My theory will be shit on these Klitschkos, these two giant Russian by way of Germany, brothers who are the cream of the crop in the heavyweight division, won't fight each other because they're brothers. Others. But imagine it would be the biggest fight of all time. I mean, it would be brother against brother. They would call it, you know, blood. You know, blood war, next of kin, whatever it would be. They could both get $40 million for this fight. Now them fighting tomato can du jour, which was my name, when I fought

[Naomi Grossman]

hard to put that on the back

[Adam Carolla]

of a rose, that was my poor name too. People have France that, you know, that's good, but that doesn't get them this nutty. I mean, if these two brothers, the two Klitschko's got. It would dominate. John and Kate plus eight, move over. These would be the biggest news, Jacko. Move over. This would dominate. Everyone would be talking about. People would be arguing, is it, you know, is it good? They could, they could give half the proceeds to the Big Brother program or Little Brother program or whatever. Whatever it is. I don't know what's going on in the heavy in the, you know, in the heavyweight division's a little boring. Pacquiao, getting together with Floyd Mayweather is probably going to be the, the fight that everyone's looking for that.

[Bald Brian]

I think that's going to be bigger if then the Klitschko's fight because they have more recognizability in America.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the, the, the Klitschko, The Klitschko fight, if the Klitschko's ever got together, would just be huge on a level that sort of transcended box.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Naomi Grossman]

I mean, it's a big deal when Venus and Serena play each other, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're not beating the crap out of each other with.

[Bald Brian]

That'd be more entertaining.

[Adam Carolla]

I would definitely master. Watch. Watch that fight. Definitely watch that fight. Thanks, Eric.

[Bald Brian]

Thanks, Adam. Take care, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Appreciate it, brother. You have another Skype call for us? Yeah, we do. We got a question for Brian from Ted. You say, hey, Brian.

[Bald Brian]

Hello, Ted.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Brian, how you doing?

[Bald Brian]

Good, man. How are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, so did you get the Transformers

[Bald Brian]

wall Art I did was that curse of you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. It's going up soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The real question is, now that you're married, does Chrissy let you hang it up?

[Bald Brian]

She actually want to put it up first.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

So,

[Bald Brian]

yeah, they're fat posters, right, Fathead?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Big four foot wall poster. You know, nice nerd thing for Brian.

[Bald Brian]

They're awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

So you. You got Ted, you got Brian, the fathead of Optimus and of Bumpy. And are they. They're six foot tall. Four foot tall. Four foot tall.

[Naomi Grossman]

Now, was Megan Fox as hot in this movie as everyone is saying?

[Bald Brian]

Yes, Michael Bay, for better or worse. The director really knows how to shoot a good looking lady. I mean, he really shoots the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and they. They featured her and her assets.

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And the fathead just goes up on the wall. You just. I've seen the commercials. You just roll it right up on the wall and begin masturbating in whatever order you want.

[Bald Brian]

You stay right on the wall, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Does it clean up?

[Bald Brian]

Well, we'll have. So hopefully it's Scott's garden.

[Naomi Grossman]

Are you telling me, Ted, that you did not laminate?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I did not laminate, but, you know, I guess I turned that way, I believe. And so, Ted, you. You sent this as a gift to Brian. I did, I did.

[Bald Brian]

I just got it, by the way. Thank you, Ted.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I figured it came when you guys were off at the wedding, but you know, whatever.

[Bald Brian]

Just picked it up a couple days ago. It's awesome, Ted, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very generous of you.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, no problem. And hey, T. And Adam, talk to you. Thank you.

[Naomi Grossman]

Bye bye.

[Adam Carolla]

No fathead for the ace man. Yeah, I guess it'll make John Hein.

[Naomi Grossman]

I hadn't heard of the fat boys or the fat head.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, really?

[Naomi Grossman]

So that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a sports thing that sort of started off with, by the way, the kids today, you know, we had the poster fair faucet or whatever. These are just full size. You know, they started off with, you know, out Albert Pujols and Brian Urlacher and the Manning brothers. But they've now expanded into, you know, nascar. When they get into porn, tell me. I'll show you. Fathead

[Caller/Guest]

Now.

[Adam Carolla]

Now they just do everything and they're sort of. They just peel off and stick on your wall, but it's like static or something, so you can just sort of whip it off and go move it to the next place.

[Naomi Grossman]

No, you know, thumbtacks.

[Adam Carolla]

No thumbtacks. And no, like, like, oh, the next Guy moves in the apartment, has to paint over the ghost of Optimus prime who is stuck to the wall. It doesn't. I don't believe there's adhesives involved.

[Bald Brian]

I didn't feel obvious, so we'll find out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So anyway, you can put all.

[Naomi Grossman]

They peel one off.

[Bald Brian]

I did feel one off. I peeled it off yet?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's a cool business. I guess they just license. Obviously, you have to license with these companies. Companies. And then you get Kobe Bryant or Spider man or whoever up on your wall.

[Naomi Grossman]

A brief note on porn. Last time I was here, we talked about the. Not the Brady Bunch porn, which was. Brian, I saw when I was at your wedding in beautiful, classy Napa. We rented a hotel porn in Yountville, and a lot of people wrote to ask about it. I had no idea that it was a giant porn hit. Well, like, I think it was at one point the fastest selling porn dvd.

[Adam Carolla]

The Brady Bun.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah. And you mentioned that there was also not Happy Days. There's also Star Trek parody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, that. That came out before Star Trek even came out.

[Naomi Grossman]

Partridge Family, they do all these now. They're very successful.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Call me. When they do Small Wonder, by the way, that's something I really feel like

[Naomi Grossman]

I could stick the teeth into.

[Bald Brian]

Vicky the Robot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Vicky the robot. All right.

[Bald Brian]

So can you imagine the nightmare that the Partridge Family one must be.

[Naomi Grossman]

No, it's. This ain't the Partridge Family. Or not the Partridge Family. But apparently there is. You know, they cast the actors to look like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but there's a bondage.

[Naomi Grossman]

They couldn't get the real Bona Duchee.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like they. I feel like they could have directed by the. The. Well, when you're doing a porn movie where half the cat cast is under 18, at what point. You know what I mean?

[Naomi Grossman]

I mean, the casting is excellent. And I have to say, the people in the not the Brady Bunch seem slightly less molested than usual porn stars. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Than the actual cast.

[Naomi Grossman]

Don't they look wholesome?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And are you able to just rip off a. A title by putting not in front of it, apparently. Like, could I start a professional franchise and call it not the Dallas Cowboys?

[Bald Brian]

Not the Yankees.

[Naomi Grossman]

Right. Not the Lakers.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Naomi Grossman]

I'm gonna start a TV show, Not Mad Men.

[Adam Carolla]

We should keep going with this.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah. So, yeah, I. I didn't really. I wasn't really thinking about. I wasn't doing the Brady Math where you have Cindy and Bobby and Greg and actually all of them, yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

Except Sam the butcher, who's played by Ron Jeremy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? And, and he gives Alice the meat, of course. And salmon. Well, so everyone is underage.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

You know, they somehow. And they somehow sort of keep it wholesome like the first. There's a long time without a sex scene. And then you're in Marcia's bedroom, which the set looks like the Brady set. And then she has some adult toys under the bed.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair, all porn sets look like the Brady set.

[Naomi Grossman]

They kind of do.

[Adam Carolla]

You think about it. Just bad 70s, bad rugs. Rugs. But wait, so I don't get it in, in the, in the. Whether you're doing the Partridge. Like the Partridge Family. You're doing the Partridge Family porn. First off, which Chris the drummer do they use?

[Naomi Grossman]

Good question.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta make a decision there. Use the. The Jewy kid or the air in kid? By the way, aren't you supposed to replace the kid with another kid that's sort of like that kid?

[Bald Brian]

Go on, go.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess they did because they went with. They went with the. The Just a Sephardic Jew to a guy who looked like he was in the Hitler youth. And by the way, the beauty of TV is no mention, no mention of it. He's just a drummer. But Tracy and Chris the drummer. I mean, Tracy in the Partridge Family could barely lift the tambourine. I mean, she was, you know, she was six and a half.

[Naomi Grossman]

Right. And then in the, in the porn version, lifting the tambourine becomes a euphemism for something horribly dirty.

[Adam Carolla]

Does Tracy in the Partridge Family have sex?

[Naomi Grossman]

Well, here's the thing. Cindy Brady in the break. I didn't watch long enough. I don't know if Cindy. I only made it halfway through, so I don't know if Cindy has a scene. Jan has a scene, but it's girl on girl. Oh, see, so that's. Yeah. And Marcia just has a scene with herself, if you know what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. So you think they.

[Bald Brian]

If a dildo's wholesome, but how does one start a photo themselves?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so. So you think they thought about this? Like they went like, look, there's no way we can have someone who's supposed to be playing a nine year old get nailed by Ron Jeremy. But she can go at herself with a double end of dildo. And that's within the bounds. Or good taste.

[Naomi Grossman]

Or Jan, who. I don't know how. Well, Jan's.

[Bald Brian]

I'm sure they're considering the bounds of good taste.

[Naomi Grossman]

Well, Jan's just explaining Experimenting with her girlfriend, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's definitely Jan. Would have been when, when the show started, probably nine. And when the show finished, probably like 14.

[Naomi Grossman]

That is kind of tacky now that I think about it. Something tacky in a porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You only halfway through.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, yeah, I know. So I don't know what, what really happened.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. That's why I focused. I mean my porn is never, never the family oriented young sitcom. I, I go with the cop drama the Kill Street Blues. Oh yeah, things like that. You know, Beretta, that was a good porn.

[Bald Brian]

Not Britta, not Beretta.

[Adam Carolla]

Ironside. Tough to watch, not compelling. Barnaby Jones, I don't recommend. No, that was a bad porn.

[Naomi Grossman]

This isn't Cagney and Lacey.

[Adam Carolla]

81 year old guy going at Barnaby Jones, not Quincy. First guy that was going to have Barnaby take him down was the first guy to call him Pops. If you ever watch Barnaby Jones, I think it was Buddy Epson. But it's like some punk would be like, hey Pops, you can't collar me. That was always. That always meant he was going to get his ass kicked by an 8 year old buddy Epson. All right, what the hell else are we talking about?

[Naomi Grossman]

Not Golden Girls is not popular any

[Adam Carolla]

more Skype phone calls there. Chauffe sir. Yeah, we got Bradley on the line. He's got a question about cars. Bradley. Yeah, Adam, what's happening? Hey, how you doing? Good. I just want to say thanks for making the podcast and I'm turning all my friends onto it, so I really appreciate it. Well, you know, I'm reclipping my mic on. I give this speech, I don't know, once a month or something like that. That is our, our reward would be, would be ratings and seeing us up there amongst the leaders on itunes and all that kind of stuff. And that's all we ask you guys to do. If you dig the show, spread it around.

[Naomi Grossman]

Your fans are so amazing. Can I say if I feel like everywhere I go, people ask me about the podcast, they mention the podcast and I don't know if you've talked about this, but the Entertainment Weekly. Have you discussed that on your podcast?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure I brought it up.

[Naomi Grossman]

You were on their must list.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

Must podcast. Yeah, I brought it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, to be fair, they sort of did it like the Brady porn title. They must not in small letters. Oh no, I didn't see not listen to this podcast.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, I cut it out somewhere but

[Adam Carolla]

look, I think it makes me cruel, but if I would Like, I mean, I was very flattered that they put this podcast on their must summer must list and they only did one podcast podcast. And it was our podcast. But I would still much rather watch the not list. I'd rather read that article of here's all the shows you must miss this season. Here's all the. Here's the music to ignore. But I'm sorry, what was your. Your car related question? And again, thanks for spreading the wealth. Yeah, I'm looking to buy a new car and I was looking at the Mini Cooper s and I know you and Danica Patrick, I think we're talking about about it. Yes. And gave some pretty good reviews. Yeah, I'm a tall guy and I work as a nurse. So it's kind of a female oriented profession and they say that it's a chick car and it's not a car for tall guys. And I've test driven it and I really like it. I'm seeing what you think about the stereotype of it. Okay, couple things. The size of the exterior of the car and the size of the interior car. Two different things off times. I t you'd enjoy this. I'd mentioned a few podcasts ago that I drove recently, the new Prius from Beverly Hills to Santa Barbara on less than 2 gallons of gas. They drained the car, they put in 2 gallons of gas and I made it from the Santa Monica Pier, from Beverly Hills to the Santa Monica Pier and then to the pier in Santa Barbara and less than 2 gallons of gas. That car, which is a small car, considered a small car, is very spacious inside, tons of headroom, and my Mini the exact same way. As a matter of fact, I have a 1999 Jag XK, or I should say XJR, which is much smaller. Donnie, back me up. Much smaller headroom wise inside than the Mini is. So just because it's called a Mini and just because it's seems like it's very small from the outside doesn't mean that it's not spacious inside. I'm six two and I had plenty of headroom inside that car.

[Bald Brian]

So you drove the Mini all the time?

[Adam Carolla]

I sold it to Donnie. But before that I drove the Mini all the time. So A, I love that about the Mini. B, it's a safe car even though it's a small car. C, man, you really forget the difference between driving a small car and a larger car when it comes to parking, parallel parking, hooking a quick U turn, maneuvering in and out of traffic, it makes a huge difference. The Car is very nimble and even though it's not a ton of horsepower, it is a ton of fun. And sometimes there's just these certain intangible, the je ne sais quoi. I don't know why. It's like a girl that's really cute. Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

She has an ineffable quality that you can't explain. But when you see her, you like her.

[Adam Carolla]

She's not tall, she's not blonde, she's not a beauty, she's not bosomy, she's not anything. It's just. But at all. No, but still, you know, I'm not talking about you. It all comes together. No, it all works when you see the person. We went. There were plenty of girls I went to high school with that I just had crushes on. And they weren't tall, they weren't anything. It just all sort of came together more than the. Or is it some of their parts? Right, that's what I, I believe the Mini is. And also reasonably priced and so on and so forth. Now as far as the gay part goes. Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

Is it girly?

[Adam Carolla]

The girl? It is one of the only cars that can simultaneously be macho and gay. Which is to say if you get the. They have a peach colored one. If you get the peach colored one and you get it in a convertible and you don't get the S version of it, that is essentially like driving a gay bar. That's it. That is a gay bar on wheels. I saw that by the way. I saw a peach colored Mini convertible, non ass with the gay flag sticker on it. And I thought to myself, why, why are you doing. I can tell. I can get in the Goodyear blimp and fly over Wilshire Boulevard and see who's gay from. I can see I'm from outer space. That you're gay.

[Matt Atchity]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Have to put. You don't have to put a gay sticker on your. You have a gay sticker. It's a 3,000 pound automobile. You know, I came with it.

[Bald Brian]

The flag is an option. It's like a standard option.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, actually it probably should because many will do that thing where they'll put a checkerboard on the roof or they'll put the, they'll, they'll put the Union Jack on there. How about just. The gay flag should just come on all the peach ones. So if he avoids peach now, you could do the one I did. I hate to use myself as an example, but I got mine in sort of a gunmetal Gray with a black roof and black mirrors. And I got the S version. And that car is a straight looking version of the Mini. So to me, it's the color and it's the S versus the naturally aspirated versions. Naturally aspirated means non turbocharged or non supercharged. So big endorsement for the minute. Mini. Go for the S and get it in a straight color. All right, thanks a lot. Do you guys mind if I ask you one more question? Yes. And by the way, the. The thing that makes people think you're gay is not your car. It's the crazy nurse shoes you wet.

[Naomi Grossman]

Do you wear the Crocs?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I wear just the black old school Adidas all stars. Oh, really?

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah. No, that's a good solution.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the idea of a nurse in normal shoes. Yeah, never seen that before.

[Gina Grad]

Do you.

[Naomi Grossman]

Do you have a specialty as a nurse? Do you treat kids or old people?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I work on telemetry. So people have heart attacks. I take care of those guys. That's what telemetry is? Yeah, it's cardiac monitoring. So they go into like VTAC or V fib, then we're there to catch it. And so, I mean, do you literally hit them with the paddles? Well, we put the paddles you don't really use anymore because you got to apply so much pressure and you got to put them at a funny angle. So you don't use the paddles anymore. We more use the stickers that you see. Oh, okay. It's easier. But yeah, we actually do that.

[Bald Brian]

Do you get to yell clear?

[Adam Carolla]

What do you. All clear. Because that's the best part, actually. Yeah, you do. You put your hand over the patient, you go, everyone's clear. Everyone's clear. Because you can actually give someone else a heart attack if you hit them. The clear and the stat are really the two perks of working in the medical field. Yeah, I need the crash card stat. And then when the crash cart comes, you yell, clear, Claire. All right. You had a second question? Yeah. How come you guys don't play your Mexican accordion music game anymore? Ranchero Countdown. Yeah, exactly. I think we'll do that. Sure, why not? We'll start incorporating that into the. Into the show. A lot of folks don't know remember Ranchero Countdown, but you pick up a. Pick a random Ranchero song and take bets on how long it takes for the accordion to kick in. You jump in any place in the song. It's usually Drew and I used to find it was about 3.2 seconds. Hilarity ensued yeah. And by the way, the accordion is, you know, a tough instrument to sound good on its own, but what the rancheros do to it is basically. Essentially, it's like if an accordion got AIDS and then got backed over by a flatbed truck filled with drunken monkeys is essentially what they make the accordion sound like. Yes, it is the worst fucking sounding music on the planet, played by, evidently the drunkest people on the planet. For the dumbest people on the planet, that's ranchero music. Anyway, another question, or should we go back to our scintillating conversation? We got one more question, actually, from Andy.

[Bald Brian]

Andrew.

[Adam Carolla]

Andrew. Hey, how you doing? What's happening, Andrew? Oh, not much. I got a question for you, Adam. Sure. What do you think your overall percentage was for sniffing out bogus Loveline calls? Well, you never know, because it's sort of like one of those guys who says, I can always tell when there's a gay guy in the room. Or I can always tell when a guy's wearing a bad rug. Well, of course, we put the word bad in front of. Of it, but somehow Jeremy. Jeremy Piven grows more hair each episode of Entourage, and I don't notice it.

[Naomi Grossman]

Right. I know. Pete Sampras. Same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Pete Sampras keeps growing more hair, too. So when something is done right, I don't know. So you say you can pick out all the gays, but what about the ones you aren't picking out that you're not counting as the ones you've picked out? It sort of happens this way. It's sort of. The DEA works this way. It's sort of like, hey, we stopped the biggest shipment of cocaine in history from coming in. Right. Well, that A. That you know about, but that B. That means people are just shipping massive quantities of cocaine. And what about the two ships you missed that were behind the one you stopped? So I really. I never know, and I wouldn't claim to, but I would say between Drew and myself, we were. I felt pretty good at it. Although, like I said, nobody ever calls you back. And said, by the way, that was a bogus call, so go ahead and remove that one. Or put that as a strike on your record. That said, I'd still say we're 90%, because usually at some point on a bogus call, you would let us know it was a bogus call. Thus the. The whole motivation for the bogus call

[Bald Brian]

there have to be revealed. The end.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And we usually didn't get too many reveals. We didn't get busted too badly. All right, let's get back to us bald Brian.

[Bald Brian]

So, Adam, question for you. You were the first person I saw as a married man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

Saw you coming into the reception or in the ceremony late. What was the explanation for that when they found out why you were moments late?

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, I blame my wife, of course. And I don't know, you guys, you guys, tell me how you feel about this. We arrived in plenty of time to make, to make your wedding.

[Bald Brian]

To make the reception. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

To make the reception. Yes. Well, we arrived two hours before your actual wedding time. Two things.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, I see.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Yes. I don't know. I mean, arrived initially in wine countries. I don't know how it works. If it's, if someone is getting married and it says six o', clock, no one seems to know if that means six sharp or seven o' clock or you should be there at six or their actual ceremony is going to happen at six. And I'll tell you what I'm done with as a husband. I'm done with wearing a jock strap and a fucking bra. I'm going to pay for the goddamn plane ticket tickets. I'm going to pay for the goddamn town Car that takes us from the Oakland Airport to wine country. I'm going to pay for the goddamn hotel room. I'm going to pay for the goddamn high heels and dress that Lynette's wearing. And then, sweetie, it's up to you. And when she turns to me and says, does six o' clock mean I'm. I'm not, I'm not hella fucking wheeze. I'm a goddamn carpenter comedian from the fucking Valley. And I've said, said it a million times to my wife. I'm a guy who got a 1.4 GPA at North Hollywood High, played football, went to Valley College, got thrown out of Valley College and then clean fucking carpets for a living and then became a comedian. I'm not in charge of when we should you figure that out. And Lynette's thing is like, all right. And that's it. But my thing is like, I get a thing where I'm to going, going, like, come on, honey, we should really be going. And then I'm thinking, what the fuck am I that guy for? Like, why? Why? What happened? I mean, t. Stop me if you disagree. Look, if you're working and you're bringing home the bacon and you're up fucking mending the roof or troubleshooting the electrical system in the house or doing all that shit, then fine, let him do half his shit. But My feeling is, listen, ladies, it's a way wedding. You should be the one who's coming and saying to me, come on, let's go, we're going to be late. You're supposed to get to these things,

[Naomi Grossman]

pick out the wedding gift, to send it to, send a card from you, all that stuff, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Which she did. But we were sort of sitting around the room and I was sort of going, it's 6:20. And she, you know, I could hear the hair dryer going in the bathroom going, how does this work? And she's going, well, they normally start a little whatever. So my feeling is like, I don't want to be the guy who, like I said, underwrites everything and then goes, come on, come on, come on, we got to get going, you know, Come on, get. Come on, get you to do. Which I always do and which chicks. Which I do a lot with. The problem is chicks take 45 fucking minutes to get dressed versus six minutes to get dressed. I mean, I literally. I don't even brush my hair if I've. If I shaved that morning. I am under 3 minutes to literally get dressed. So all I can do. I was watching Charlie's Angels, by the way. All I can do is sit on the fucking foot of the bed in my underpants watching Charlie's Angels, waiting for the sound of the hairdryer to stop, to signal me to pull up my trousers.

[Naomi Grossman]

Not Charlie's Angels. It was actually Charlie's Angels.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish it was not Charlie's Angels.

[Naomi Grossman]

Well, so we. We didn't. I figured they weren't coming because I didn't see them during the ceremony. I was looking around. And then, of course, right after the ceremony, ceremony, we saw them walking up and then Lynette was put in a very awkward position because just moments after the ceremony, there was like, you know, cocktails and mingling and we'll probably.

[Bald Brian]

Cocktail hour.

[Naomi Grossman]

Cocktail hour was great. Good appetizers. It was beautiful out.

[Adam Carolla]

Sliders.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, yeah, sliders. And so we were sitting and standing and mingling. And of course, everyone wants to come talk to Lynette because everyone does love. Love Lynette. And. And so, you know, we were mingling and of course. What do you talk about right after a wedding ceremony? The ceremony. So Stanley Flynn people kept coming up going, wasn't it a beautiful ceremony? Now she's just missed it. What's she supposed to do? Going a long explanation about how so of course she was like, it was so beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

We walked from our bungalow up a sort of incline made of Grass and literally bumped into Christine Bryan. They just got done.

[Naomi Grossman]

And then I had kind of given her a few details of the ceremony just in case so she'd be able to engage.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, please tell me, stop me if I'm out of line here, men. What the fuck? When did it become our job to, like I said, you know, pay the mortgage, keep the lights on on the house, pay for every fucking thing, and be the one who, like, becomes the nudge? Come on, sweetie, it's late. Come on, honey, let's. That's the chick job, is it not?

[Naomi Grossman]

I don't know. I remember my grandfather always being in the car honking for my grandma, who was always last out and yelling, get the lead out. Honking.

[Adam Carolla]

I've had it happen a thousand times with a thousand different venues, events, whatever, where I'm the one who's going like, come on, let's move on. And it's like, I want to be on the fucking sofa with a beer watching SportsCenter and have her come in fully dressed, going, hey, what the fuck? Come on, let's go, we're going to be late. Not me going, come on, come on, come on. And then it's just weird. You become this nudge, you know, like, come on, when are you. Come on, come on, when are we going? And then also as far as. Well, first off, I don't, you know, I'm the kind of. I traveled, you know, 500 miles and then missed the thing by. By 10 minutes. But, you know, Donnie and I went and saw the 24 hours of Le Mans and we traveled to France and caught the last 10 minutes of the race. Well, they started it an hour. They started it and they finished it an hour early this one year. And there was. And it was raining, so there's like some rain issues. And our train, and we missed our train because our conductor fucked us up. But I'm the guy who literally forget about going to wine country. I literally went to France to watch a 24 hour race and caught the last 18 minutes of it. Donnie, my lying. You're telling the truth. But amazingly enough, though, when we went there, the team we went to go see won the aston Martin team one for 50 years. We're standing in the pit of the winning team, so we can enjoy that.

[Naomi Grossman]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

But I had to put on the same face that Lynette put on. Oh, it was awesome. Amazing.

[Naomi Grossman]

24 hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Amazing.

[Naomi Grossman]

Wow. That ceremony was incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

So I blame it on my wife life. And my feeling is I'm going to Stand by it. I'm not, I, I, it's, it's a constant burr in my saddle, this sort of blurring of the lines of what the sexes are in charge of. I don't feel like in, in a relationship, I don't feel like the guy shit has changed much now. It's true they don't fight as well as they, they used to. And it's true they don't fix a car as well as they used to. But I said many, many times, I make the money and I fix the house and I pay for everything. I'm not going to be the one pushing, pushing, pushing everyone to get out of the house, to go to whatever the event is. And then also, like I said, I don't know what the rule is. If it starts at 6, what time did you guys actually get started? About 6:20.

[Bald Brian]

No, pretty close to 6, actually.

[Naomi Grossman]

I think maybe a little late.

[Bald Brian]

I wasn't worried. Watch.

[Adam Carolla]

But you got to start. I mean if you want, if you're saying start at six, I don't know, would it kill, I'm not, not blaming you, not flaming.

[Bald Brian]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

But would it kill people to say, you know, ceremony starts at 6 sharp or arrive at 5:30 and some, that kind of put. I think the sharp versus the soft opening. I think that's it.

[Naomi Grossman]

Because I know I'm not hella fucking wheeze. I mean I'm really not like I was raised by wolves and I don't, don't, I don't know anything about etiquette. I always double check. So I think I double checked with their wedding planner. Do you mean six or do you mean 6:30? Because it was so hot out there, no one wanted to get there early. But I know my limitations and I did check so. So we made it. But do you. And by the way, I know what you mean about not wanting to wear the bra and the jock strap. I don't think anyone wants that. Women don't want that. Men don't want that.

[Bald Brian]

No one wants attractive quality.

[Naomi Grossman]

It's not right. Do you, Are you the one that hurries up Christy?

[Bald Brian]

A little bit. But I feel we do a fair amount of. We're both sort of very conscious of what's going on around us so we don't have to hurry each other up too much.

[Naomi Grossman]

And during the ceremony that Adam missed?

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[Naomi Grossman]

How was it?

[Bald Brian]

It was good. I was obsessed with not falling over. That was my number one goal, was not stumbling. But it worked out okay. I wore wide shoes and I dialed up myself Steroids. So I was able to knock down my symptoms a little bit. It was hot.

[Gina Grad]

It was.

[Naomi Grossman]

So I felt for you because it was. It was what, around 100?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Naomi Grossman]

And you had to wear a wool tux.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It was unseasonably, I guess unseasonably hot.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Normally it's around 85. It's probably 100.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd say it could have cracked 100.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean even. Even at 6:30 the evening, it was hotter than shit. I was someone's car alarms going off outside. Well, that's probably a good enough sign to wrap it up anyway.

[Bald Brian]

By the way, your wedding planner, Theresa. Same with my wedding planner, Michelle Buckley. Mint julepsocial events mjsc.com should, if you're out there playing an event, look her up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Give a. Give a plug. All right, T, why don't you give your plug for your website.

[Naomi Grossman]

Exploitingmybaby.com Bald Brian, you can find me.

[Bald Brian]

Hi, Brian.com. and if I. Christy's blog, which we

[Adam Carolla]

always [e-mail] we're also looking at ways to do a fundraising event for Christy and Brian as well.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, let's do that. We've been talking about for a long

[Adam Carolla]

time and yeah, you know what I was gonna do? Yeah. Whenever we figured this out, I was gonna actually auction off off the shaving of my mustache and donate the proceeds to you, Brian. That'd be good for a nickel. Huge.

[Bald Brian]

Thanks, Donnie. You guys are really good guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, either way, we'll figure it out. We'll do a podcast, we'll do a fundraiser, we'll do a telethon, whatever it is. We'll do a live event. You guys who are all listening will be included in on this and it'll obviously go to a very worthy cause. We'll keep you posted on that. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Teresa Strasser and here dear friend Paul Bryan. And of course my buddy the Wheeze saying Mahala.

[Matt Atchity]

All right, this is Adam Corolla show episode 92. That does it for today's Corolla classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment.

[Adam Carolla]

Until then, mahalo.

[Bald Brian]

And get it on.

[Naomi Grossman]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Naomi Grossman]

This is the mindset free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mantra brain.

[Naomi Grossman]

This is the. With movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator. And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now pay never. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Naomi Grossman]

This is the mindset.

[Gina Grad]

Free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mantra. Free.

[Naomi Grossman]

This is the with movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator, and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.